Working Mum's, Real Life, Real Issues, Real People

Wow! I have just checked and it appears to be December of last year when I last wrote a post. I guess that’s the beauty of blogging though, once set up it can be added to as and when you feel like it. For me, it’s an online journal. So what’s been going on? Lots has happened since Christmas, most of it good. In fact, if I think hard enough, all of it’s good! I’m not however going to go through all of that during this post as I would prefer to focus upon the present. The one thing I will say however is that my sister has finished all of her treatment and is now considered cancer free! RESULT!

I think today I may just ponder. Offer some ‘musings’ if you will! Let’s start with some lessons learned:

You can only help people to a point

Sometimes people just don’t like the decision you make

You get out only what you put in

Not everyone will like you all of the time

I think these above bullet points are quotes many of us spout perhaps on a daily basis. When you break them down, each one contains logic and common sense. As humans, we just forget.

I love helping people and to a certain degree I think many individuals thrive from this. It’s part of our natural instinct to please others by offering assistance as and where we can. This may sometimes be help offered in daily life, simply out of kindness. It could be that your job role requires you to aid people in order to fulfil a particular role. At times we go a step further in order to please others and to make sure they have the very best. We may even go two, three, four or more steps further, always wanting to please and to ensure the well-being of others. Over the last couple of months I have learned that in reality you can only do so much to help people and often, the more you give the more they are willing to take. As harsh as this sounds, it’s my thinking that these so called takers probably don’t even realise they are doing it and in that in reality, they never really wanted to be helped in the first place. After all….. it’s always easier to blame a failure on someone else rather than look at the actual root cause. My point is (I’m sure most of you who have read my blogs before are used to my warbles), I would hate to go completely the opposite way and become so bitter that I never offered anyone additional help but trying to find that balance can prove difficult. So, my lesson learned here is to remain professional at all times. Offer help where required, additional help if requested but don’t let people take liberties. I am one person. I can only do so much. Finally, DON’T feel guilty about others shortcomings – IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!

Wow – things got a bit heated there! Shall we move on?

Sometimes we need to make difficult decisions and on occasion we know that these will not please others. I love the above caption as it seems to engulf everything I believe yet find hard to practise (I am sure you will be familiar with the following)! So, ‘Own Your Decision’. I find that once I have considered my options and decided on an outcome or way forward, I am able to ‘own’ my decision and be confident in the reasoning behind it. I don’t necessarily sit down and create a spreadsheet listing all possible outcomes because that would just be silly and extremely OCD. Or do I….? Who knows! Anyway, decision has been made and owned. Information is passed along to all parties involved. Time to sit back and wait for the (dying to say s**t to hit the fan, but I won’t) people to voice opinions and concerns. To be fair, everyone is allowed their own opinions and should have the option to relay these – in my world, this should be done in a positive and ‘grown-up’ manor. Should two people not be able to agree then that’s ok – agree to disagree then move on! This is all about taking responsibility for the initial decision made. Believe in it, follow it through and be responsible.

Setting the Boundaries – something I do automatically (in other words, without the use of a spreadsheet):

Always remain calm during conversation

Do not be walked over

You have made your choice, stick to it, believe in it

Next on the list, ‘Face the emotion’ – eek! This is a tough one for me. Emotion…… ‘Will they feel bad’? ‘Will they still like me’? ‘What if they talk about me behind my back’? ‘What if they decide to plot against me’? Oh yes, there are a million possible scenarios that circle my brain during any one given moment. What I need to remember is that the answers to the above are all MY answers. MY thoughts and MY feelings. Not theirs. Theirs are likely to be completely different. Handle emotions by sticking to boundaries.

‘Bumps in the Road’. I refer to these as ‘Arghhhhhhhhhh’ situations. Those where you perhaps break down into floods of tears behind closed doors because you feel you are banging your head against a brick wall! Situations where you can’t always hold your tongue and a huge warbled shouting mess appears from your mouth that makes no sense but makes you feel better for just a second before realising how much of a wally you must have actually sounded! The point is, no situation will ever play out the way it does in your head. Keep your cool, own your decision and you can handle it. I know I can, and have!

The final part of the caption warbles on about perfection. I am guilty of trying to prove to others that I can be perfect. I can always do better, I can try harder, I can push for more etc etc etcet e ruddy raaaa, but I don’t need to prove anything to anyone! I’m ok. I have my strengths and weaknesses and aware of these. That’s ok – that’s being human.

You only get out what you put in. It’s so true. Simple, effective and correctomundo! So you don’t have the second tin of tomatoes to make a larger bolognese. Give everyone more pasta and less sauce! Grate some extra cheese! Do the best that you can with the resources you have at that exact moment. Obviously you can apply the bolognese rule to many life situations – even the less complex ones such as….. divorce?!

Well…… You Just Can’t! There’s always going to be times in your life when you unintentionally p**s people off. What you gonna do? Not everyone will like you and you know what….? That’s ok. Those who aren’t too fond of you – are they worth it? Does it really matter? Do you still have the love of close friends and family? Ask yourself what, or rather who is important then rid yourself of the rest!

All I need to do now is practise everything I have written and jobs a goodun!

Eeek! It appears to have been a while since I last posted on here…… May (I’m slightly ashamed). However, this is just one of the trials and tribulations of running a business, looking after a family including three girls (10, 6 and 4), a husband (our Daz – written boro style), two dogs – a cocker spaniel named Frank and a Jack S**t (shitzu named Dave), Haribo the Hamster, Maisie the Fish and of course the house. With all of this going on, my passion for writing slowly turns into the less able Helen that involves slumping on the settee with glazed eyes, a fuzzy head and a highly vacant look! Ok, so for those of you that know me well, this look is normal, but still, you get the general idea as to why I haven’t written in a while.

So what’s been happening? I guess my main news stems around my sister. Let’s set the scene………. It’s Thursday evening and has been a long week so far. The husband and I have decided to rope in a baby sitter (the ever faithful nephew) in order to take a trip to the cinema. We enjoy going to the pictures as it means we need not converse. Darren eats his popcorn way to loudly for my liking, I tell him off before moaning I’m too cold and he reminds me that I should have brought a jacket! Actually, that last part is a lie. Darren isn’t picky like me. He usually takes his jumper or coat off straight away and covers me over with it before I get the chance to say ‘I’m cold’ – he’s just good like that! This is our cinema ritual and I don’t think either of us would change it. Back to the scene setting……… My sister and her husband turn up out of the blue, summoning my nephew, husband and I to the kitchen. I’m busy racking my brains trying to figure out what I could have possibly done wrong (cause it’s all about me you know). Actually, no. This time, it’s all about my sister. Bloody breast cancer! Initial reaction from me…… ‘Well that’s the pictures cancelled – how selfish Sarah’! Humour = Defence Mechanism in our family. It’s what we do and you know what? It works. Obviously devastated, we discussed the situation as a family, talked it through with the children and took the time to listen to my sister in order to find out what happens from here in order to keep abreast (can’t claim that one for my own – stolen it off gammy boob herself) of the situation!

When it comes to blood relatives, closest of the close, in my family, there is myself and Sarah. Dad passed away 11 years ago and the mother has issues. Large helpings of narcissistic personality disorder with a side order of good old fashioned crazy means a non-existent relationship is the only way for us. Don’t feel sorry for us just yet though. What we have is blooooooming amazing! We have always been there for one another. Kept each other on the straight and narrow and been able to talk about and deal with any and every situation that has come our way (and believe me there have been a few). We have dealt with issues that I believe would break some families. Sarah and I? Still strong. Why? Because we communicate, talk about the problem and then move on. So many people are quick to dismiss others simply because an issue doesn’t go their way. Families are ruined by ‘who get’s invited to the wedding’, ‘who gets to be god parents’, ‘who spends the most time with who’…… in reality does any of this really matter? I can go a fortnight without seeing Sarah. I could cancel on her four times. She could turn me down for baby sitting duties (and let’s face it, who could blame her with my three), but are any of these things an issue? Of course they aren’t. We are there for one another when it matters and that’s what counts.

Where do we go from here? Last Saturday, I sat down with my sister and asked that very question. If everything goes to plan (and there is no reason why it shouldn’t), in two years from now, I will be writing a blog with the title ‘Beating Breast Cancer’ and telling you all about a very brave lady who I have always looked up to that now has a stomach to die for and a fine pair of (as Sarah would call them) ‘bangers’ (!) due to the re-constructive surgery she plans on having. Family, life, hard situations + humour, support, talking and copious amounts of tea = the ability to defeat anything.

Heads Up – I know I have made spelling mistakes, but, seriously, who is going to point them out……? You have to be nice to me – my sister has cancer 😉

You all know the days I’m talking about; you feel grumpy and snappy but can’t explain why. Speaking to people requires a huge amount of effort as well as motivation and it appears that anything and everything you turn your hand to simply doesn’t work out. Of course it’s not really as bad as this. A non sufferer of anxiety will just put it down to ‘one of those days’ and plod on. For others however, such as myself, the feelings are intensified by the knot of ‘murrness’ lurking deep within the pit of the stomach. It’s like it just sits there lurking in the wings, desperate to make an unwanted appearance, resulting in butterflies the size of bats fluttering around the stomach with a side portion of paranoia! ‘That client emailed me ‘this response’ so he MUST be thinking I am incapable’. ‘A particular company hasn’t got back to me so they MUST be choosing to ignore me’! ‘My husband has asked me if there is a clean dress for our youngest so he MUST be hinting at the giant washing pile I have discussed in a previous post’! And finally, ‘My friend has not replied to me for a couple of days so that MUST mean she now doesn’t want me in her life’! Let’s break it down……

Image says it all…….

So the client I have decided thinks I am unable to carry out the work due to a recent response has not actually said those very words. His emails are always short and to the point as is his telephone manor. I know him well enough to understand that any issues would be brought immediately to my attention. Situation and analysis of problem number one dealt with.

Let’s move on. The company that happen to have not yet responded or as I worded it ‘are ignoring me’. Three days waiting for a response is not a long time in the grand scheme of things. I am notorious for being impatient yet can seriously take my time when it comes to responding. My friends (the close ones of which I’m lucky to be blessed with a handful of) all understand that when I don’t text back or call it’s just because I am busy/useless (tongue in cheek). I have one friend who will text me the same message repeatedly, every day until I answer. Another friend will text my phone, call my phone, ring the house phone then bring out the big guns by sending a text to my husband who will say ‘Helen, can you call this person and let them know you are still alive please’! Getting back to the lack of response from ‘said’ company, businesses have a lot to deal with on a daily basis, not just me – shock horror I know. You mean I am not the centre of the universe? Second issue analysed to the max and dealt with. Patience is a virtue.

Worry number three – the washing….. let’s face it, this one doesn’t even deserve a second thought. Husband was not hinting, just required some form of clothing for the child. If he was hinting then tough boobies – he knows where the washer is!

Final thought swimming around my brain is the lack of contact from a friend. Given what I have just said about my response process I don’t think this one requires any further question! The real friends are those that you don’t speak with for months on end then run into whilst out shopping and chat as if you saw each other the previous day.

If I can part with any worthy knowledge at all it’s the fact that people are strange – myself probably more than most! I can just hear certain voices laughing hysterically at my last statement given some of the recent conversations I’ve been involved in regarding alien abduction and reptilian likeness for Rhesus Negative individual’s (I may expand on this in future posts but possibly run the risk of losing readers)! I think I shall revoke the word ‘strange’ and replace it with ‘unique’. Everyone has their quirks, their issues, insecurities, paranoia’s and anxieties. It’s how we deal with each of these that matters. A logical thought process requires many to take a step back in order to work through the problem. Good old fashion laughter is a great back up. Keep smiling everyone 🙂