Friday, May 27, 2011

1. Having a child changed the way I come. Before, I was a clitoris girl. Now, the inside of my cunt is a strange and wonderful place. To whomever it was who stitched me up, thankyouthankyouthankyou.

2. I have been raped more times than I can remember. I used to drink a lot. The time I remember the best was when I was about 19. Drunk again, and went back to some guy's place. He said he was a model. He grabbed me and fucked me til I bled. And then he fucked me while I bled.

3. I was also raped by a boyfriend. We had just broken up. He tied me up and raped me. There was a kung fu movie on the television.

4. I like to be choked while fucking. My father tried to kill me by strangling me when I was a teenager. I don't like to think about the connection between the two, but, y'know. Der.

5. I didn't have an orgasm until I was twenty. It took around three months of solid clitoral stimulation to get me to come. This stimulation regime was put in place by the same boyfriend who later raped me. You win some, you lose some.

6. I have recently exited one of the darkest sexual relationships I've ever had. He liked to be horrible to me until I cried and then he would fuck me. We both liked this veryvery much. It did something bad to my brain.

7. I was once in love with a man who wouldn't kiss. His father was a dentist and he would give me lectures about how unhygenic the inside of the mouth was. He gave me head, though. The boyfriend, that is, not his father.

8. I really enjoy my breasts. I'm pretty exhibitionistic with them. They seem to make people happy, and they certainly make me happy. I have often come from nipple stimulation alone.

9. Speaking of which, breastfeeding made me come often. I feel that this is wrong, and I feel that me feeling that this is wrong is wrong.

10. I masturbate at least twice a day. If I'm reading a book in bed, then it'll be more. Read and wank and read and wank and repeat.

11. I've never seen porn. I've glimpsed it, of course, but it holds no fascination. That's not what sex is like for me. Sex is about feeling, rather than looking. Porn feels like bad sex, like sex that I'm not present in. I disassociate easily, and have disassociated during the various sexual assaults that have happened to me. Porn feels like being disassociated.

12. I recently had sex with a few strangers that I'd contacted on the internet with the specific intention of having meaningless sex with strangers. Most of them were harmless bozos, but one was violent and disrespectful. This threw me into despair. I felt like there was something about me that attracted violent men.

13. I titfucked one of those strangers. It felt stoopid.

14. The man that I have loved the most got very sick. One of the reasons I broke up with him is that I couldn't bear the thought of never getting a head job again.

15. I would like to be more violent when I have sex. But I'm suspicious of my motivation.

16. When I was a teenager, I'd often marvel at how amazingly beautiful my body was. I still like my body very much most of the time, but sometimes get disgusted at its overwhelming femininity. This was particularly strong when I was breastfeeding. I felt like an animal. An orgasmic animal.

17. My mother once told me that the clitoris was a conspiracy by men to make women like sex so that they'd have sex with men.

18. My mother once told me that anyone who gave or received a head job was a pervert.

19. My mother often told me that no one was looking at me, and no one was listening to me. I've spent a great deal of my adult life making sure they're doing both. I do this, in part, by dressing and talking dirty.

20. A couple of days ago, a seedy tradesman called me a "tough bitch." This made me very wet.

21. I've slept with some women, but the memory of these encounters is blurry. Maybe it takes cock to make a clear impression on my consciousness. Maybe it was just the drinking.

22. I like cock. I like giving head. I really wish I didn't. I like putting lots of things in my mouth, and experience extreme oral pleasure. I hope my interest in head jobs is due to an oral fetish rather than a need to be humiliated. That sounds much healthier.

23. I would like to be a man. I've gone through periods where I've really been quite serious about this. I like big men, and men that are strong. I'd like to be like that. I'd like to be able to win fights.

24. I was sexually assaulted by a girl in primary school. I was at the beach on holidays with her and her family. Her father was a judge. I can remember little about the actual incident, but I do remember she was completely naked except for her sneakers. I have never owned a pair of sneakers.

25. Mostly, I feel like a big ugly face attached to a sexy body. When I fuck, I often shut my eyes. This is so I can't see if the man is looking at me or looking away because he doesn't want to look at my ugly face. The compliment I've heard most often in my life is "Nice Tits." I wonder how long they'll stay nice enough so that men don't look me in the face.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

1) I am a 21-year-old female, and I tell others that I am either heterosexual or bisexual, depending on who it is. I don't feel like I fit either category, though, because I'm not completely hetero (since I get turned on by women and lesbian porn) and I hate the term bisexual. There are too many stereotypes about the term bisexual and those labeled as such, and since I've never actually done anything with a woman, I feel like I can't claim that title for myself.

2) I only recently realized that the feelings I have towards women are more than just thinking they are pretty. I accept it, but I know others don't, and I hate that. It's a war within my brain more often than not. I think it's unhealthy. But since I don't know which community I fit it (LGBT vs het), it's hard to find solace.

3) I am wet almost all day long.

4) I've slept with two people, and both have been monogamous-in-love relationships. I am worried I can't have sex any other way than with messy emotions and love.

5) I think penises are ugly, but I love to get fucked by them.

6) I only recently found masturbation. Previous to these last six months or so, I thought masturbation was stupid (sex is better, after all) and that I couldn't like it--since, hey, I'm touching myself. It's pretty fab though, and I'm glad I re-found my body.

7) I love to be eaten out. When I get fingered at the same time it's like rockets in my brain.

8) I am disgusted by anal play of any kind, yet I hear it feels so amazing that I kind of want to try it.

9) I worry about my body during sex so much that sometimes I'm not actually enjoying sex and foreplay like I should. I'm with a new person though who I hope will become my partner, because he makes me feel sexy and I think I could enjoy sex more.

17) I'm tired of having to deal with issues of consent. I wish people knew what it meant, how to ask, and how to appreciate what it is I am giving them without needing so much more.

18) I've never had sex drunk, but I think it'd be incredible since I'm more open when intoxicated.

19) Being high and having sex is fabulous. I've done it once and I have never been hornier or had every touch feel so great.

20) I don't have to have sex to feel good. I like kissing, touching, being naked. These things feel so great and people forget that there is more to sexuality that just sex (anal, vaginal, oral, whatever).

21) My one fantasy is that my partner dress up like either Harry Potter or Draco Malfoy and play out a scene from one of the movies.

22) My first female crush was on my best friend of eight years. She doesn't know and I don't plan on telling her.

23) My other best friend of seven years knows that I would live with her in an open asexual relationship for the rest of my life and be happy.

24) I never want to be a part of a threesome. I find them demeaning and not at all sexy fun for everyone.

25) Waiting to have sex with the person I'm sort of dating is excruciating, but I know the build-up is worth it.

7. People who claim anal is the best thing that's ever happened to them confuse the hell out of me. I've had it, and either the guy was shit at it, or I'm just too sensitive in that general area to handle it.

8. I've had sex in public places, just out of sight. It was kind of thrilling, but I don't see the big deal. Sex is sex to me.

9. I've had men of all shapes and sizes - there is such a thing as too small, and most definitely a too big! Keep it fairly average sized please, and a little curve is a GOOD thing.

10. I do like boobs. That's probably the only part of a female body that's typically censored in the US that I'm willing to have at. That one time with a woman pretty much ruined me for going down on any other woman.

11. I never kissed or had sex until I was 19. I did, however, make my own homemade dildos out of plastic construction set rods, tissue paper, and a lot of saran wrap.

12. Despite how lax I am on condoms, I am still perfectly clean, and have never had a real pregnancy scare.

13. My ideal relationship is a menage a trois with two guys. Bi, preferably, so that when I need to be off on my own, they can have at each other. I'd like to watch.

14. I get frustrated with men who insist all women will hook up with another woman if they're horny enough. Excuse me, I have toys for that.

15. I'm absolutely fascinated with the uncut male penis. I want to play with one so bad, but alas, the US isn't exactly the best place to find one.

16. I have a really bad habit of "skinship" - I have to touch and be touched, almost constantly. Hugging, kissing, cuddling, even holding hands. If I'm with someone, I just can't keep my hands off of them (save for when I need my 'me time').

17. Love to me translates as sex. If I feel close enough to someone in a relationship that I sleep with them, it's about as close to love as I get. When I stop sleeping with them, I'm not feeling it anymore.

18. I most likely come off as "dykey." I've got short hair, wear guys' clothes... but trust me, I'm very cocksexual.

19. Cocksexual - that's a fun one. If I'm feeling it, I'll do anyone with a dick. Gay, straight, trans, I really don't give a damn. If you've got a cock, I've got a home for it.

20. Astraphilia... one of my more interesting kinks. I'm turned on by watching thunderstorms. It could be because where I live and grew up didn't have many, but there's just something arousing about the unrestrained, wild power of a lightning bolt.

21. Despite being not very keen on trying anal again, I'm highly curious about "double stuffing." I also use a small anal dildo on myself.

22. I used to hump an inflatable dolphin I had as a child. I got off on it too.

23. I don't understand how women purportedly don't usually get off on vaginal penetration. I can get off on either my clit or with toys just fine. I suppose I'm just highly sensitive down there...

24. Giving head gives me a rush similar to long, slow sex. I do not expect reciprocation, nor do I frankly want it - I don't get off on it. I get off on hearing the guy I'm sucking off groaning and expressing how he likes it.

25. You could probably tie me down and have me listen to male sex sounds - not even a visual, and I'd get off to it. Something about those sounds really hits me hard, right down there.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

1. I am an 18 year old, cis, bisexual female who is totally writing this to avoid a ten page paper.

2. I am a virgin (how boring) and have never been in any sort of romantic relationship because I am awkward as hell around people, not because I don't want to (I do! I do!).

3. That being said, I am both terrified and excited at the prospect of sex.

4. When I was really little (2-4?) my brother and I would play doctor, and I really hope he doesn't remember (he probably does because he is two years older than I am).

5. My friend next door and I would act out elaborate sex scenes with Barbie dolls and Polly Pockets, usually where the female heroines are captured and forced to be sex slaves to the evil mastermind. They would eventually escape, beat him up, and go on with their cool ass-kickin' lives.

6. I was exposed to porn for the first time because that same friend had a stash of German porn magazines that her aunt sent her. Someone's mother found them and was very upset, but I don't think we ever threw them away.

7. I masturbate on the weekends because that is when my roommates are gone. My next door neighbor recently suggested that he can hear me occasionally. Oops, haha.

8. My favorite and most reliable way of getting off is my electric toothbrush (which is as loud as a jet engine, hence 7). This year was the first time I orgasmed by hand and by water faucet (wonderful!).

9. I started masturbating around 11 or 12 to role-play threads on gaiaonline (haha such a dork). I didn't find my clit or orgasm, however, until senior year of high school.

10. Most of my time is spent daydreaming. I am a hopeless romantic. Weirdly, though, I rarely masturbate to sexual fantasies. Masturbation has always been goal-oriented for me, and I get frustrated if I can't come.

11. I want so badly to talk about sex with my friends, but most of my friends in college are judgmental and prudey. I love reading feminist and sex blogs in my spare time, and that helps me explore my feelings about sex.

12. Speaking of judgmental and prudey friends, they are part of the reason I have not gotten laid by now. I always party with them, and it is awkward if I want to dance with a guy (let alone another girl) and I am the only person in the group doing it. Although at the last club I went to I did dance with a guy. It was nice, except he would not put his hands on my hip so he was just bobbing up and down behind me. I got bored and I was pretty sure my pony tail was in his face so I stopped. He did have a raging boner, so that made me laugh a little. On a side note, I love getting compliments from drunk people because they are so earnest and in awe. It is like they actually believe wholeheartedly what they are saying and they really want you to believe it to. It is so different from artificial, polite compliments, like "I love those shoes." I don't know, I just think being drunk is wonderful.

13. Only my very best friend from elementary school knows that I am bisexual (she is amazing and was not weird about it at all, mostly because she is miles ahead of me in that she is super smart and amazing). It is not that my other friends and family would be mad or disgusted, I am just afraid that if I told them they would treat me differently. Maybe I am afraid they would be disgusted.

14. My best friend is incredibly sexy, but I am not romantically attracted to her and I never had to explain that to her. That is why she is amazing and lovely!

15. Drinking makes me less socially anxious and more flirty, but I don't want alcohol to be a requirement for me having fun sexy times.

16. I think I would be very good in the sack. I like trying new things, am extremely conscientious, and am comfortable with my body. But what do I know?

17. Have I mentioned that I have never kissed anyone? Really, I am a sad case.

18. I love playing with my clit and have never gotten off playing with my vagina, but maybe that would be different with a partner.

19. Watching people kiss is incredibly sexy.

20. I cannot cannot cannot watch sexy things with other people in the room, though. If there is a passionate scene in a movie I get so embarrassed. I think I get embarrassed because I don't like people seeing me as someone who enjoys sex and that is messed up because I do! My American Puritan upbringing has totally screwed me over (pun unintended).

21. Another reason I have never been in a relationship is that I don't notice I have crushes on people until I am firmly in the friend zone, or when they are about to move away or something. I really need to be more aware of my feelings toward people. Also, I am more inclined to like someone when I know they like me, which is problematic to say the least.

22. I would love to try bondage (scary but very sexy), outdoor sex (sun on my skin!), food play that isn't too messy, any sort of position that is convenient--basically I just really want to have sex ASAP.

23. I would love to be shoved up against a wall and fucked hard (which would be easy because I am tiny). I think my submissive fantasies are all a result of me being hella lazy and indecisive. I hate being the leader or the one controlling a situation.

24. I am afraid of dying having never been in a relationship or even kissed someone. So depressing!

25. This site gets me hot and gives me hope that there are actually people out there who are having sex and I just have to find someone I like and who likes me back.

10) I grew up in a place that was very homophobic, as a result, I suppressed my desire for women and it made severely depressed and suicidal.

11) I love to have music playing when I make love to someone.

12) Sexting is one of my favorite things.

13) I have penis envy.

14) My first kiss wasn't until I was 18.

15) I've only kissed five people and they've all been within the same year. All have said I'm the best kisser they've had.

16) I've only had sex with one person.

17) I used to be ashamed of masturbating. I thought it was wrong, and I felt so bad afterward that I stopped doing it for several years. Now, I like to get off at least once a week.

18) I am a feminist as well.

19) I want to fuck Kathryn Erbe and Mariska Hargitay. Simultaneously.

20) The sound of a woman coming arouses me so much. There are certain actresses' "orgasms" that I have saved on my computer.

21) Visual stimulation (pornography) never ever gave me satisfying orgasms, so I stopped watching it. In fact, it has started to disgust me. I'd rather read erotica.

22) I prefer women's bodies to men's, but I ache to have a penis inside me. I'm a petite woman, so it fills me better. However, men don't have the beautiful collar bones, breasts, pussies... Each is beautiful in a different way.

23) I'm terrified of tasting/smelling bad, so I compulsively eat fruits and drink a lot of cranberry juice.

24) As a teen I used to "roleplay" my favorite television characters. They had sex a lot.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

1. I'm a 27-year-old female.

2. I love my female body and feel very at home in it, but I don't think my spirit or whatever has a gender. If I woke up tomorrow as a man I would be very upset, but if I had been born and raised in a male body I think I would be just as happy with that.

3. I call myself straight, or when I'm feeling pedantic, mostly-straight. I believe almost everyone is at least a little bit bisexual, but that most people are so much more attracted to one sex over the other that gay and straight are useful functional categories, and that in this case I'm most people.

4. That said, there is a short list of people I regret not fucking when I had the chance, and all of them are women - dear friends who weathered the storms of adolescence with me. We were good kids; we deserved a little feelgood.

5. I have only ever had sex with my husband. We met when we were 20, and got married when we were 23. I am the only person he has ever had sex with.

6. Reaching orgasm with my husband is harder than by myself, but much more intense and satisfying. It takes time and effort and leaves me feeling very drained, so I don't go for it every time we have sex.

7. Lately I have started giving the name "orgasm" to the less-intense surges of pleasure I get for free when my husband chases his own orgasm. I don't always need to come to feel good, and my husband is stuck in the mindset that if it isn't an orgasm it doesn't count as pleasure. By allowing myself this inaccuracy, I validate both my own pleasure and the fact that my husband gave me that pleasure. If you think I'm rationalizing, you're not wrong, but the work of this thought is less than the work of trying to change my husband's thoughts.

8. I still masturbate fairly often, maybe every second day on average, although I tend to go several days in a row off or on.

9. I read a lot of gay male erotica written by women. A lot.

10. If I had an orgasm before leaving home for college at the age of 19, I didn't recognize or remember it. I learned in the unprecedented privacy of my single dorm, destroying 3 vibrators and a value pack of AA batteries in the process. It's one of my proudest memories.

11. When my third vibrator wore out, I switched to using my fingers because I was too lazy to go out and buy more supplies. Now I prefer my fingers - I've bought vibrators since and always end up tossing them aside.

12. When I masturbate I have the most ridiculous fantasies - verging on cartoonish. Nothing that happens in them would be possible, let alone pleasurable, in real life. I think it's the exaggeration that gets my brain going in the absence of stimuli from another person.

13. I don't believe in love at first sight, but I do believe in lust at first sight, because it happened to me. The instant I laid eyes on my husband I wanted to fuck him. After that I met him, got to know him, came to love him, started fucking him and hope not to stop until my heart gives out in my old age. But the lust came first. I maintain that it's the healthiest foundation for a partnership - not the walls and not the roof, but definitely the foundation. If you love someone but you're not attracted to them, what you have is a friend.

14. My husband was already my type when I met him, but he has made the type much stronger since. Virtually every man who grabs my attention looks a lot like him.

15. I don't feel guilty about looking at other men, and I don't get mad when my husband looks at other women. We're married, not blind.

16. The pornography industry makes me very uncomfortable - so much of it seems to be desperation prostitution on camera - and I was glad when my husband decided to give up masturbating to porn. I realize that makes my continued reading of erotica somewhat unfair, but at least with the erotica nobody is profiting off making real people do things they don't want to do in order to afford drugs or food or whatever.

17. Because my husband doesn't masturbate to porn, I don't say no to sex unless I actively don't want to have it. If I'm indifferent I always warm up and enjoy myself in the end.

18. Oral sex is a good illustration of my thing about the validity of sex that doesn't lead to orgasm. I don't orgasm from giving oral sex, or (usually) from getting it, but I still really want to do both sometimes. Giving oral makes me feel powerful, trusted and nurturing, and getting oral makes me feel worshipped. I ask for both regularly. Deep-throating without gagging is an item on my lifetime sexual bucket list.

19. We are neither of us interested in intercourse when I'm menstruating. Gross. Crampy Bloody Week is Blowjob Week.

20. One of the biggest perks of being married is not having to deal with sexual advances. I can be friendly without worrying that people think I'm flirting, I don't have to worry about whether other friendly people are trying to flirt with me, and anyone who goes past flirting into outright suggestion can be shut down instantly with a single reinforcement of my status. I love it; it makes my life so much less awkward.

21. Successful anal sex is another item on my sexual bucket list - both receiving it, and pegging my husband. I've tried a few things, and there is potential there for me at least, but we're kind of stuck. Both of us are grossed out by feces, but not committed enough to try enemas. Also I don't want into my husband's ass bad enough to work through the threat to his masculinity.

22. My sense of fashion and my personality are both mildly butch, and my body is tall and moderately athletic. I suspect a significant proportion of the people I meet assume I am a lesbian. Sometimes I wonder what people have passed me by because of this assumption, and whether my life would be different if I made more of an effort to be feminine. But I don't wonder for long. If those hypothetical people are stupid enough to think that and narrow enough to let that thought keep them from knowing me, I'm probably better off without them in my life.

23. My pubic hair is wiry but very sparse. I love the idea of a jaunty trim but every time I tried to do one the hair just looked scraggly and awful and I ended up shaving it off. Eventually I realized I liked masturbation even more without pubic hair, so now I stay completely bare by shaving and periodically waxing. I just enjoy being able to glide over my skin. My husband admits to appreciating not getting pubes stuck in his teeth but is adamant that I do whatever I like.

24. I don't know what I'm going to do once we have kids. I masturbate quietly, but our sex really makes the bed squeak and bang, and when I orgasm with my husband I tend to shriek. We may have to consider soundproofing.

25. Growing up I was taught to wait until marriage to have sex. I didn't, but the time it took me to work through and set aside that standard was time I spent not getting hurt by users and losers. I was able to go into my first sexual relationship with a strong sense of myself and an open heart, and the relationship grew into the still-ongoing love of my life. I must stress that I was never taught that not waiting was shameful or that my virginity was some creepy talisman, just that waiting was good and important and that I was never, under any circumstances, OBLIGATED to have sex. I do believe that I was helped by the concept of waiting and I will be teaching something similar to my own children.