The mental programming that occurred during your first five years of life. We teach children to “be seen and not heard”, “don’t talk to strangers”, etc.

Now you are a single adult looking to meet people. The most common method is to go to a bar or night club. The normal set up is for the women to sit together in a group. Interested men will come up and strike up a conversation or ask the girl to dance if it’s a dance club. What is wrong with this method?

First, it is extremely difficult for men to break that internal programming that says “don’t talk to strangers”. The more moral the man, the harder it is for him to break this convention. What I mean is someone who is hardwired with values from his parents will have a harder time talking to strangers than someone who’s parents didn’t teach him as well. If he was taught well early, he may be more disciplined as an adult. This may be a key to his success factor.

Guys try to overcome this with “backbone in a bottle”. They have a couple drinks to “loosen up a little”. What it really means is they have to get a little drunk to overcome their fear mechanism that is triggered when meeting strangers. There is also the rejection factor.

The problem is the woman is then being approached by a drunk. Not the best circumstances to judge a suitor by anything other than looks. At the same time, the male suitor is in less than optimal conditions due to surroundings and of course impaired mental facilities. He may only be interested in sex and not a long term relationship. He may feel the need to exaggerate in his attempt to impress a woman for the wrong reasons. The woman is trying to judge a man who is not in control and in a very unflattering position.

Bars are fine for fun but for finding a mate… well, not so much.

Dating services can provide a much more controlled environment for both sexes. You can present yourself in the best light and not say things you will regret later. Remember to get a background check on anyone you intend to date to protect yourself against fraud and potential violence. For more dating tips please click the links below.

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