I actually keep saying I am going to delete this damn thing and
then I end up meeting some cool person whose company I enjoy and
have to thank okc for... so I give it another temporary reprieve...
Live or die okc profile, the choice is yours.

then tyler durden turned to marla singer and said "you met me at a
very strange time in my life"

I used to keep a series of catch phrases and one liners that I felt
best emulated the current manifestation of myself that I wanted to
portray. I've removed it all... because I just can't be bothered to
make the attempt. I'm seeking nothing and expecting nothing... so
the rest is pulled for service for the time being until I bother to
write something witty and clever. Which considering the limited
amount of time I'm likely to devote to this site, will take quite a
while.

I don't bother to check this often - so replies are likely to be
sporadic at best but if you want to know more, simply ask. I'm a
pretty straight forward, direct and open person.

If I had a proper answer to that then I likely wouldn't be on this
site still to begin with. I spent a decade attempting to carefully
choreograph and plan everything... trying ever so tirelessly to
always be ten steps ahead. Stick the the script, stick to the
script.

Then I realized that someone kept changing the teleprompter every
time I'd go to say my line and eventually I just said fuck
it.

As with all things... this is subject to change at any moment and
without fear of wind or vertigo.

The fact that I consistently can't answer the "Are you happy with
your life?" question is kind of a good indicator as to the lack of
overall understanding. I just don't think that type of question can
possibly be yes or no. It's just too broad. Too many
variables.

Some of the happiest times in my life were some of the saddest for
others and vice versa... which thinking back to the happy moments
makes me sad and looking at my sad moments knowing it made them
happy makes me happy so it's still just very complicated. I'm still
figuring out the formula. Get back to me in another 10 years... I
should have a functioning algorithm by then.

I'm also using words like happy and sad....which is a bit
misleading as my expression of emotion is less in line with
expectations... but it was just the easiest way to explain the
conundrum.

knowing what is the statistically most beneficial thing to say in a
given moment based on the speculative data mined through my years
of social interactions and investigative research. Simultaneously I
am similarly talented in saying the worse possible thing that can
be said in a given situation instead of the most ideal as a means
of distancing myself from engaging in further conversation with
people.

Is introverted machiavellian even a thing? Did I take that quiz
right?

My eyes. Like a scrying ball into the soulless abyss. I usually
cover them for just this reason. I used to wear sunglasses
insistently. Yes... even at night like a Corey Hart cosplay. I have
a very peculiar ability to simultaneously have a very direct
conversation with someone with the impression that they are being
properly engaged while distancing my eye contact as much as
possible. The glasses I wear these days at least help to distract
from that... and that whole old man vision thing.

Second my communication is always slightly off... I routinely fail
the turing test and exist pleasantly in the uncanny valley. Like a
martian trying it's damndest to emulate proper human interaction
basing it off outdated sitcoms and internet memes. Also... fair
warning... I'm likely going to say something that offends you. It
won't be intentional, it will be awkward. Conversing with me from
here means informed consent of this.

Really okc? Really? ....sigh... so again... I'm removing as much of
this as possible from what was while we transition into what is. I
feel this is just where I'm supposed to tell people a list of
current popular things so I can seem more relatable... but just
cause we both happen to watch the same show as a million others of
downloaded the same track off the internet isn't going to make me
any less strange... so let's just avoid that easy conversation
stuff.

I used to read a lot more actual "books" as opposed to articles and
various shorter writings strewn about the net. I've been too
fixated on emerging technologies in my newly directed field of
study (machine intelligence for reference since I kinda figure I
work as a good intermediary between the two)

Music... do I have to? Alright fine... yes. Music is a very big
part of my life. It's been relative to a few of my former and side
job careers. I'm quite well versed in most genres of music and find
myself easily "at home" in any type of venue. More on this at some
other point.

I do enjoy a number of shows and modern cinema, I'm a big 80s
horror fan (less a far of the modern cat scares shit... but if it's
decent I'll likely watch it... and then be cynical about it
afterwards over dinner) . If the new season of AHS gives you
tingles or feelings of compersion we'll likely get along
splendidly. If you can't watch it because clowns or genetic
diversification frightens or sickens you... well likely we won't be
spending much time together any time soon. That's as much
information on that subject as I'm going to give right now.

Food? One of the few things I can always still be passionate about.
Whether it's creating it or enjoying it. I've opened my own
restaurant and worked as some of the best places in the world. I
got out of the "game" for a reason that currently no longer seems
relevant and rarely have much reason to really push my culinary
muscles anymore. If you can hold a conversation about spices, you
might actually pique my interest for longer than standard.

I've learned that there is nothing that I cannot continue surviving
without other than the biological necessities. The most important
thing in the world to me is consistently out of my reach... so the
rest all kind of seems moot by comparison.

so.... I guess oxygen, water, food.... blood? Do I really need to
give you two more of these you get the point.

I'm an overly self spoiled bastard though and I am quite accustomed
to my "niceties" but when forced to... I will sustain albeit at a
sub-optimal level.

Every system failure requires me to do excessive log reviews, over
and over and over again until I can try to come to some at least
plausible working theory of cause... so that takes up a lot of my
time when someone gets upset about something I said at the bar at
least once a day.

If you ask the question I'll answer it... usually pretty
directly... often too directly. I'm trying to work on this tact
thing. Haven't mastered it yet.

I had a recent MRI for unrelated issues and during which, to the
displeasure of others and indifference to me, determined I'm not a
sociopath as was often joked about (at least I don't have the
telltale sociopath shadow on the brain, I can elaborate with the
medical journal articles to anyone interested). So, instead I'm
pretty sure I'm a vulcan... or a robot who believes he's real... or
some martian pod person... but I'm probably just garden variety
high functioning autistic.

you are the genetic blending of Joan Holloway, Cheryl Tunt,
Tallulah Bankhead and Ursula Zandt... that shouldn't be too hard
right?

Ok... I'm leaving that one... cause I stand by that. If you're that
disregard everything else I said so far in this profile and just
write me as if I'm actually a very personable and charismatic,
maybe even charming person. I "person" well when need be.