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“Shut Up And Fuck” is the most fun you can have with your mouth closed

Bobbi Starr’s “Shut Up And Fuck” is utterly self-indulgent, which is good, because you can’t get more self-indulgent than watching porn. And this exercise, which transitions seamlessly between behind the scenes to “rolling,” is as adorable as it is filthy.

A newly-minted Evil Angel director, Starr pays for her own movies and trusts Evil Angel to sell them. True to her own vision, then, Starr keeps the camera rolling as scene partners fuck the shit out of each other (almost literally, in Dana Dearmond’s case) with limited direction, other than to do what comes naturally.

The result is a very dirty, sweaty, gapey, spitty, chokey, fisty mess, all going down in the same sunwashed-clean, wood and brick loft.

Starr is a great ringmaster and you can tell she wouldn’t have anyone do what she wouldn’t do herself (in one revealing moment, the delightful Sparky SinClaire says that she’s not ready for fisting. “Your pussy or your ass?” Starr asks. In Bobbi’s world, there are gradations of fisting, whereas in SinClaire’s it’s all one daunting thing). And in scenes with the brutal Nacho Vidal (“Say ‘Hi’ with your asshole,” he grunts) and the (comparatively) virginal Ash Hollywood and SinClaire, Starr gives as good (or as evil) as she gets.

(The review continues after the gallery.)

It was the Nacho scene that set the tone for the movie, Starr says. They hadn’t seen each other in a while and started making out before the “scene” began. Her cameraman just started filming and Vidal proceeded to drag her all around the loft. This is what Starr herself does to Hollywood and SinClaire.

The two discs in the package are necessary because Starr just lets the performers talk to each other. My favorite scene is between Aiden Starr and Sinn Sage. They start with an extended critique of the latest “Buttman” magazine.

Flipping through the pages (neither woman mentions the names of the models therein), Starr points at one and says, “”She’s amazing, and anyone who says she isn’t needs to wear a helmet.”

Sage, for her part, compliments small boobs, attributing it to “the pedophile in me.” She then self-corrects and says, “Well, I like them androgynous.”

When they start fucking—a pleasing mix of shapes and sizes—you feel it’s inevitable.

The most awkward scene also has the best lines. Dana Dearmond and Tommy Pistol appear to have been paired at the last minute and they discuss what their “scene” should be. Pistol fidgets.

“Are you looking to be laid down and smoothed out or something?” Dearmond says, cross.

When they fuck, it is because there is nothing left to say, and the scene is strenuous and desperate. At one point Dearmond lets out a percussive queef (even more elusive than a 69!) and declares:

“You blew a bunch of air into my ass.”

I loved this movie.

I don’t know if Starr should make a regular thing out of this style of movie-making, because performers comfortable in their own skin are hard to come by, but “Shut Up And Fuck” is a great example of the chemistry that sometimes exists among people who have athletic sex for a living. Even then, they sometimes forget to stop acting porny.

“I don’t want you to be a porn girl,” Starr says to SinClaire. “I want you to be a real girl.”