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Post of The Month (August)

"my recent post and a comment from another user has made me realise that self care is so important.

I wanted to start a thread in the Health and Wellbeing section of the boards about self care.

Self care is provided by you, for you

I know a lot of us are struggling at the moment with different aspects of our own lives, and sometimes we get so lost in these we forget to take time for ourselves. This tread is, a Reminder to you to take time out for yourself during the difficult times.

down in the comments I would really love for people to share ideas and tips about self- care. to remind ourselves and others in the community.

My way of self care when i recognise ( or someone recognises i have neglected myself) is:

Take a walk and admire whats around me ( take as long as needed)
treat myself to a bath with a bathbomb and bubbles ( bubbles are important)
make a hot drink and just sit down with a film.

Being harassed by my ex

03-10-2017, 02:33 PM

I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years last November. Since then, even though it's only periodically, he's been calling me and messaging me begging for me to come back.
I had to block him on facebook because he wouldn't stop messaging me.
The first call was in february, where I told him I wanted nothing to do with him and to leave me alone.

A little while passed and I thought he understood, but last week I got another call. He was doing the same thing, begging for me to come back, refusing to take no for an answer like he has all these months,and when my boyfriend took the phone off me to tell him to leave me alone he started hysterically screaming down the phone. He also said that he'd been trying to get hold of me through calls and messages for months. (I blocked 3 numbers associated with him on my phone)
I told him as blunt as possible to leave me alone, never contact me again and I would go to the police if it continued. After the call I blocked this number too.

Today I woke up to a huge paragraph from him on my etsy account, because that's the only place he can now get hold of me. I told him again, to leave me alone, which he ignored. I told him that I would be taking this matter to the police, but instead of accepting it and backing off he continued. I had to mark his messages as spam to make them go away.

Every time this happens I get scared that it's going to escalate to where he starts showing up places or coming to my house. He's almost relentless, he refuses to leave me alone and won't take no for an answer at all. This is probably at least the 20th time I've asked him to leave me alone and to stop contacting me.
I know this isn't the last time I'll hear from him, it's just a matter of when and how.

I am thinking of going to the police about this, but I feel like as I've deleted all his messages and blocked him off everything I won't have enough evidence for them to take me seriously or even care.
I'm completely lost on what to do. I was wondering if anyone here has advice or experience with this sort of thing?

This is harassment and not ok, it would be a good idea to tell the police what has been happening so they can give advice as to if and when his messages need recording.

They have a duty to take it seriously and it is important that this behaviour is logged with them. You can call the police for non emergency issues on 101.

It is still up to you but it really sounds like its what you want to do. My friend has done it and they really helped her, it continued to escalate until they got involved and even then they had to be involved a few times but it eventually stopped.

Hope that helps.

glenn

Comment

Hi,
I phoned and I'm still waiting for someone to get back to me about it.
I'm really hoping this is the end of it. it's something I should have done a long time ago. I'm not really sure of what will happen or what will be done, even if it's just a warning letter.

Comment

You are important enough to be protected, this is a safeguard for if it continues and a way to make it stop.

It sounds like you have had enough and are doing your best to deter him, this is part of that and hopefully the police will react in the way they are supposed to, which is to believe you and take you seriously.

Who can you talk to about how it all makes you feel?

glenn

Comment

It's been a little while since you posted you had been waiting for someone to get back to you, did you get anywhere with it? Glenn's right, this is harassment, especially after it sounds like you have gone to lengths to tell him politely and also to stop him from being able to contact you altogether! You've done the right thing reaching out & reporting him. Hope after 3 years you will now finally get some peace!

- Lucy

Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend

Comment

Hey, I've been away the past few days as I've avoided being at home.
I received a call off a local officer saying he would be visited yesterday/ today and warned to leave me alone and if he persists he will be arrested.
I've been a little nervous for it because I haven't been able to 100% convince myself that it'll work, and I've been a bit afraid of him getting really mad and showing up at my house to confront me. (I know this is very, very unlikely but with his behaviour I couldn't completely cross it out)
So far so good, I haven't been updated by the officer yet but I'm really hoping that's a good sign and it's all over now.

Thank you for being here to give me advice on this. Although it doesn't seem that hard, doing all that was a very big deal to me

Comment

That's good news that the police have been to warn him. They are clearly taking this seriously which means you have their support from now on have you had an update from the officer now? And have you heard from him at all since? Totally understand why you'd still be worried he will show up, he's been relentless with you for so long. But imagine he will take this more seriously now the police are involved too - I really hope so, anyway.

Glad you felt you could chat about this, it's always better to chat through worries you have. & there's a great community here to listen