As I approach some profound changes in my life, I am navigating the most intense vulnerability that I have ever experienced. If left to my own devices, I would be crying non-stop with each bridge that I am crossing. The tears wouldn’t all be sad nor would they all be happy; they would fluctuate from moment to moment. Transparent transition is the gift I am choosing to live by. (Note: I almost feel like I am embodying Anne Lamott’s spirit with each and every blog entry. :))

Over the last year, I have felt sucker-punched and loved at nearly equal proportions. The good news is that today I am feeling more love and support than I am feeling the harshness of being sucker-punched. The journey that I am taking has been both challenging and intense. I have had to face what it means to lose a job and left without the financial ability to take care of my sons; I have also experienced the gifts of having friends and acquaintances help me to secure positions that mostly allow me meet my family’s most basic needs.

As the Gal-Or/Grossman Family prepares to move to the East Coast, I know that it would not have been possible if it weren’t for the support of so many people. We have been touched by people helping us in a myriad of ways, too many ways to list. Ironically, I believe that I have personally felt equally impacted by each and every person that has given in whatever way they deemed appropriate. There have been absolutely no small offerings.

With each step, I have had no expectation that anyone would reach out and help. For some silly reason, I initially felt alone and very scared. It is quite daunting to go through dark experiences and believe you will land on your feet. But truthfully, while life has tossed me some vicious punches; I have been enveloped by love and support for entire second half or more of my life. I am surrounded by people that have held on to our family while we walked through fire. Over the years, I have truthfully been far from alone.

Monday night was another example of how one friend brought happy tears to my eyes and warmed my heart. I am blessed, so very blessed.

Before I share about the amazing treasure I received from Indianapolis, I have to tell a story.

A few weeks ago, I was kvetching on Facebook about how much I am missing the changing of seasons. I love seeing the leaves change; it rocks my world. At the time, I was just whining, I had no expectation that I would see autumn leaves this year. Why would I? I am in the middle of the desert. 🙂 (To be honest, there are changing leaves on Mount Lemmon; that’s not so far. I just couldn’t get there because of my work and packing schedule.)

Well. . .all my kvetching got the attention of my beloved weird sistah, Ren Fortang, in Indianapolis. During our exchanged she promised to send me some leaves from her yard. AND SHE DID!!! Her little package was full of happiness for me. I couldn’t have been happier if I tried.

To be honest, the leaves made me the happiest; I couldn’t believe Ren pulled off such an amazing gift. AND I loved every square inch of the gift from the envelope it came in, to the pin which quoted Mother Teresa, “. . .do small things with great love.” Ren even included the new CD from Bruce Springsteen, one of my favorite singer/songwriters. Every square inch of this little gift package nurtured my soul. (Do you think this blog can replace a thank you note?)

Now just because I love the term basheret, it was meant to be, I want to share that after opening Ren’s gift I was reading Stitches: A Handbook On Meaning, Hope and Repair by Anne Lamott and on page 14, I found Mother Teresa’s quote, the same quote that was on the pin. My guess is that there is a huge lesson there, so I better listen up!

Ren’s gift is symbolic of the beauty that continues to flow as I emerge from some challenging times and take on my next adventure. I couldn’t have made it this far without the enormous support that has surrounded me; I have received so many treasures over the past year and years before that too. I truly believe that when we consciously walk in the world with an open heart and love to share, the world will ultimately grow into a healthier place. My friends have shown me this and I hope to continue paying it forward with each and every step of my life.

Transition has been happening since last December when my full time job went to half-time without benefits. And then again in June when my half-time position went to unemployment. Along the way, I keep moving forward, finding part time gigs and navigating in the only way I know how. The good news is that I am navigating.

The moment anxiety starts to rear it’s ugliness to me, a friend or an acquaintance show up and offer me tangible help, a way to move forward. On the moments, that I have felt most afraid this year, a door has been opened for me. Sometimes it happens in the way of a job, a call, or a gift. I seem to be surrounded by people that are trying to make my life easier for not only me, but my sons too. Most recently, some of my closest friends got together and convinced me to start a Go Fund Me drive gofund.me/g8o220; never in my wildest dreams did I think people would reach out to help me. But they did. Friends and strangers alike are trying to help my family move back to the East Coast. I am feeling surrounded by those that are propelling me to a better place.

What’s astounding is that so many folks have stepped forward and are nudging me to a place of healing; financially and spiritually I am being supported. People from my past and my present gave; People that I love dearly and people that I don’t know gave. My friends are reaching out to their friends and sharing my story. Sometimes though, the anxiety wells up in front of me and I can’t believe believe both how far I have come and still how far I have to go; it can be daunting. And yet, I am not alone, I have beautiful friends that are trying to making it possible for me to move forward. I am breathing deeply and praying that I can hang on for the ride.

A warmth spreads over me when I reflect on the myriad of ways that I am receiving loving treasures. So many have given and offered their sweetness. Some have given without being asked over the past many months. Some are calling me and reminding me that I am loved. One friend send me a box of amazing food goodies and another friend send me awesome fair-trade chocolate from London. My soul is being nourished in all ways that count. My hope, my prayer is that I am truly worthy of the trust and love I am receiving.

On Thursday, I was feeling overwhelmingly vulnerable. And within moments of being completely overwhelmed, a friend called from Oregon just to let me know he was thinking of me and then another friend wrote and shared this poem to me.

Keep on truckin’, Mama.Know that you are lovedby sooo manyby the Moonand Sun and Starsby the Universeby God

You are lighta special sparklet it burn low for a little whilelet life feed the fire for you gentlyfollow the wind eastpace yourselfbreathe

you who give so muchreceiveand be peaceful.

Written by Melissa Schaffer

What’s beautiful about my life is that somehow it works out. Somehow the sun always rises in the east in the same way that somehow I always land on my feet and discover a better place. So while I am not sure how moving back to the East Coast will work, I have to believe it will. I have to do the best I can and tread beyond the bend. Wondering what beauty I will find as I emerge?