This is what Black Friday advertisements looked like in 1973

I fear two things above all in this world: Overzealous bargain shoppers and clowns. Since there isn’t a single day dedicated to clowns storming into Walmart to get the last Furby Party Rocker, the day after Thanksgiving is the time of the year I dread the most.

But was it always that way? I have a vague memory of a childhood with no Black Fridays. I’m pretty sure that the earliest we even thought about Christmas was some time around Dec. 10. The day after Thanksgiving was a time to make turkey sandwiches and clean leaves out of the gutters.

“Dad, can we get the train and ornaments out of the attic?”

“What’s wrong with you, son? We just finished Thanksgiving.”

To prove this point, I looked at the San Francisco Chronicle from Friday, Nov. 23, 1973, the earliest Black Friday I could have possibly remembered. (I had just turned 3.) Expecting to find far less shopping hype than the current day, I was surprised to find almost none. The paper itself was tiny — about the size of the typical Saturday paper.

Below are my eight favorite Chronicle ads from Black Friday, 1973 …

Chronicle archives

This was one of just a small handful of advertisements in the newspaper — maybe five total — that included the word “Christmas.” There were a few other pre-Christmas sales and post-Thanskgiving sales, but they seemed like an afterthought. No one bothered, for instance, to include a photo of Santa or a Christmas tree.

One more thought: $39.95 for a calculator?!? Granted, this calculator featured automatic squaring. But keep in mind that in 1973, $39.95 was more than your car payment.

Moving on …

Chronicle archives

Pretty sure this wasn’t placed with Christmas shoppers in mind. Toys ‘R’ Us bought a fixed ad that ran every day in the Chronicle in late 1973.

Even though I’m a grown-ass man, I still plan to print out this advertisement and send it to my parents, with Christmas list check marks on the Joe Namath Day-Nite Football, Boy’s All-Star Football Uniform (please get the XXXL) and triple check marks on the 26 Inch 10-Speed Racer.

Assuming this was a couple years too early for the Evel Knievel stunt cycle …

Chronicle archives

This is back when Gap was still a local store, Banana Republic and Old Navy hadn’t been conceived and people still called pants “slacks.” The marketing appeared to be heavily influenced by the Rolling Stones “Sticky Fingers” cover, which was less than two years old.

Note that the original San Francisco store on Ocean Boulevard was still open. And The Gap didn’t open on this Friday until 10 a.m. I looked at dozens of advertisements, and there were no reports of stores opening early on the Friday after Thanksgiving.

Chronicle archives

This was the only ad I could find in the Nov. 23, 1973 Chronicle that made direct reference to Christmas gift shopping. To be fair, I recall it took weeks to get the results of your photo portrait — so families had to plan far in advance. See: The “Brady Bunch” episode “Jan’s Glasses.”

This advertisement ran on Friday — not sure why it’s stating that the store would be closed a day earlier. It’s still proof that in 1973, the largest local clothing retailer wouldn’t think to open its doors on Thanksgiving. Macy’s opens at 8 p.m. this Thanksgiving to get Black Friday started early.

Chronicle archives

This was part of a two-page Radio Shack ad that was another Chronicle staple. Note the “Stores open late nights until Christmas” line at the bottom of the page. This was the only advertising in the Nov. 23, 1973, paper that mentioned special holiday hours.

Incidentally, if you’re thinking of hopping in a time machine, that Road Devil Racer was a rip-off. I got something like that from Radio Shack when I was 8 and it didn’t turn left and right — it just had one turn button that moved the car backwards and to the right. So you could pretend you’re backing out of a driveway? I eventually loaded it up with firecrackers.

Instead, use that time machine to stock up on old stereo equipment, and try to date the model in this advertisement.

Chronicle archives

Tower Records also bought a huge advertisement, on the opposite page. Neither ad included any Christmas music.

Oh, it wasn’t all Lawrence Welk and polkas in the Chronicle in 1973. We ran two ads for the Linda Lovelace movie “Deep Throat.”

Please note that while The Gap was only open from noon to 5 p.m. on Sundays, the Pink Kat on Mason had “Deep Throat” running continuously from 10 a.m. until 2 a.m. Presumably the other eight hours in the day were needed for a Hazmat team to come in and clean the floors.

Chronicle archives

Thought it would be good to end with Billy Graham on Channel 44, to cleanse our souls after looking at the twin “Deep Throat” ads. (For those keeping score at home: 1973 Chronicle advertisements featuring Linda Lovelace = 2; 1973 Chronicle advertisements featuring a Christmas tree, Santa = 0.)

Next year I’ll search to find when the first real Black Friday advertisements showed up in the Chronicle. Probably some time in the 1980s.

PETER HARTLAUB is the pop culture critic at the San Francisco Chronicle and founder/editor of The Big Event. He takes requests. Contact him at phartlaub@sfchronicle.com. Follow him on Twitter @peterhartlaub. Follow The Big Event on Facebook.