Apparently some douchebags at a July 4th parade in Telluride, CO thought it would be funny to parody gay pride parades with their own “straight pride parade,” according to the Telluride Daily Planet. In what was meant as a “satire of the over-the-top gay pride parades in cities like New York or San Francisco,” participants “whooped and waved and kissed in the middle of main street (girls kissing boys, naturally). But it was the group’s signs that most rankled some on the sidelines. Some seemed innocent enough (one said, simply, ‘I like boys’) but others were less gentle, saying ‘I’m Over the Rainbow’ or ‘Not in my Backdoor.”

Not surprisingly, many attending the parade were offended, calling the Straight Priders “inappropriate” and a “hate group.” The douchebags’ defense was that it was only meant as a joke.

Wow, these comedians sure have taken originality to a new level. Making fun of “over the top” gay pride is simply a justification to once again pigeonhole gays as “the other” and laugh at what they consider an abnormal lifestyle. What might on the surface seem like “good fun” could easily be seen for what it is beneath the surface – if any of these dipshits had taken two seconds to rub two brain cells together.

What’s so offensive about this playful bunch of pranksters’ tongue-in-cheek performance art? Perhaps the fact that gay pride parades actually mean something to most gays and lesbians. It’s a chance to come out in public, at least for a day, and celebrate our diversity and be proud of who we are. What is the meaning of a straight pride parade? Simply a majority mocking a minority.

Would these fun-loving geniuses support a “white pride parade” as a satire of “over the top” black events (such as the Million Man March)? I suppose so, if they were members of the Klan, and I’m sure none of them would admit to being affiliated with such an extreme hate group. So how does this joke differ from the actions of a hate group? Hm, good question. Maybe it looked good on paper?

I’ve never found comedy based on poking fun at the minority to be, well, funny. It’s the equivalent of laughing at a homeless man because he smells badly–it’s mean-spirited. I’ve always been a “poke fun at the people in power” kind of person–I think it goes along with being a liberal.

Okay, so here’s what I don’t get: why is it that some people have to set up some adversarial situation between heterosexuals and homosexuals? Why would that be adversarial? It makes no sense to me. It’s no different than making it adversarial between people who like chicken and people who like pork. What does it hurt the chicken eater if someone is a pork eater?

You know, even considering all the economic, military, and political damage that the modern right has done, sometimes I think that the worst thing of all is that the modern right has just made it culturally acceptable to be a total asshole.

I’m fairly sure straights get a Pride already, don’t they? What’s it called? It’s on the tip of my tongue … oh yeah, that’s right … it’s called “EVERY OTHER FUCKING DAY OF THE FUCKING YEAR!!!”

We get one day, ONE DAY, a year to not just live in fear, not just be ‘tolerated’, but actually have what we are seen as as good and wonderful as straight’s do the other 364 days. And even on that day, people begrudge us that, turning up to tell us that even that little peek out of our closets is too much.

But, don’t we see? This is a joke, a JOKE, and we must not have a sense of humour about it.

You know what? Fuck them. FUCK THEM.

I don’t give a shit if they think this is “funny”, because if they do, it just shows us fucked up, bigoted, and hate-filled their “sense of humour” is. Just because they think something is a joke, doesn’t somehow magically stop it from being disgusting and bigoted. There is no humour ‘get-out-of-jail-free-card’ for bigoted things.

And if they honestly don’t get it, then they REALLY need to either rethink their value system, or just purchase a “I’m a moron” t-shirt.

Listen, we’re living in a society where women can call misogynists out on being assholes, black comedians get to make jokes about white people, and gay people can be unashamed of their sexuality. If nobody calls women bitches, makes racist jokes, and mocks gay pride, the world would be TOTALLY UNFAIR.

What gets me about this is that they think that it is “funny” to kick the kid who’s down – and yet, you just know that if something that these pinheads cared about was mocked, they’d be the first out there screaming their outrage to the airwaves.

Of all the things one could make fun of in the world, the one they pick is something positive in the lives of people who face daily discrimination, and who lack the privileges these idiots take for granted.

Ugh. I would’ve been pretty freaked out to see this. I mean, how funny to see people marching with signs that say “Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.” Since, you know, no one has ever picketed a gay pride parade with signs like that. Or a funeral. Or a wedding.

Good goddess almighty, did those marchers really think that any queer folk in the audience would find that funny? How can they not understand the implicit threat we feel behind some of those signs? I’m glad I’m not going to Telluride anytime soon.

Well, I hate to sound contrarian here… but… this amuses me more than it annoys me. Yeah, it’s stupid and wrongheaded, but the whole idea of a bunch of straight guys and gals going to all the effort to make a mock pride parade just to prove how totally and completely straight they are is just hilarious.

I mean, they take time out of their busy lives just to publicly declare their heterosexuality. Because they certainly don’t *fixate* on what Teh Gayz are up to. Goodness, no. Because that would *totally* interfere with their all-consuming hetero-ness. Which is completely natural and unforced, by the way. Just in case you were wondering.

The sad thing is, the people who live in Telluride are actually pretty progressive (for the most part). Since this was the 4th of July, Telluride was probably teeming with frat-type tourists. This type of bullshit is on the road, and that makes it even more offensive.

Erin M – On the “I’m Just French” thing: I think being ‘French’ or ‘European’ has been used as a euphimism for being bi/gay/lesbian. Because they have nude beaches and aren’t so bloody uptight about their sexuality, or something. As I am reporting on slang I’ve never personally used and had to glean from the context of others, I may be wrong.

DBK: Okay, so here’s what I don’t get: why is it that some people have to set up some adversarial situation between heterosexuals and homosexuals? Why would that be adversarial?

In her book about feminism and transsexuality, Julia Serano spends some time talking about “oppositional sexism”– that is to say, the widely held belief that men and women are opposites, which sets up a pretty messed up zero-sum game when it comes to how men and women should behave, and what rights they have. I’d say the same problem exists with regards to gay “versus” straight. Like you, I don’t get it. Idiots. Well, and complete fucking assholes.

The “I’m just French” thing is probably a reference to the “Gay or European?” game, in which a straight woman sees a gorgeous, stylish, well-groomed, muscular young man across the campus and then tries to figure out if he’s so hot because he’s (a) European? or (b) gay?

So basically the guy’s being all, “I’m wearing a tight t-shirt, but that doesn’t make me gay! Ha! I’m straight, dude!”