Saturday, October 18, 2008

The Party Is Over

We were still tucking into our six o'clock hay feed at ten in the evening (Jamie is very generous with portions) when the door creaked open and a horrible croaky voice said "I'm back!" Yes, it was the woman returned from her roaming and she is incubating some sort of heaves called "a cold" to which humans are prone. It makes her already un-dulcet tones positively freakish.

Jack was ecstatic and called her over for a huge session of patting and hugging, the horses just asked for more food and I was able to use my patented Sheaffer freeze-out technique on her to excellent effect. I snorted and reeled back, while shrugging off the hand attempting to pat me. I gave every impression of never having seen her before and in fact of suspecting she was a serial donkey abuser. It makes her gratifyingly annoyed and hurt. After a while I let her stroke the end of my nose but continued to express my fears that she might be the reincarnation of Lizzie Borden, without the charm.

Except for the issue of muzzles, on which our views are diametrically opposed, Jamie is an excellent minder. He gives us everything we need and more and does a thorough job of chambermaiding our rooms. Before his current employment, he worked at a place with one hundred and thirty high-strung race horses, which the woman says is just about the right experience for dealing with four spoiled, calculating equines here. Typical of her tendency to massive exggeration.

Jack has been bitten by what he calls"the rasslin bug" and spends much time offering to put me in various complicated holds. This worried Jamie terribly until he realized it was Jack doing the instigating and not me. I am happy to indulge this cool-weather whim of Jack's and we spent many hours last week snorting and grunting and stirring up the dust like Roman gladiators. Jack emerges as fresh as paint but I usually go off under the trees for a restorative nap. I just don't know where he stores all that energy.

The humans' travels sound distinctly boring - they brought us not one gift nor did they see any donkeys on their travels. I really don't see the point in all that fuss and bother if all they do is drive around and eat and look at things. Next time I will go with them and will steer their travel plans in a more exciting direction. A tour of a carrot plant or a visit to another church event or a spin around one of those historic gardens they mentioned (I would love to sample some heritage plants). I was born to travel and they are thwarting my desires and ambitions. Typical.

6 comments:

Sheaffer, you are very tough on the woman! But someone has to keep the humans in line!

I'm glad you had a good week, with some fun with Jack, who sounds absolutely in top form.

I have some interesting news - Salina (the 25-year old mare who is Rafer's best friend) went into heat quite suddenly and has gone crazy over the 5-year old QH gelding, Cody. She is breaking Keil Bay's heart (he is 19 and was the apple of her eye until today).

But she is also being quite oblivious to the feelings of little Rafer, who has a puffy fetlock (it's newly outside the cast and a bit tender bearing weight again).

billie - what exciting things are going on at your place - broken legs, broken hearts. I find that mares tend to complicate the smooth running of bachelor establishments. I have been wondering all week about the state of Rafer's leg and the arrival of Redford and he's practically on your doorstep. You must inform us of all aspects of his introduction to Rafer. Please give Keil Bay my best and tell him Salina's insanity is only temporary.

Sheaffer,we went to the fall festival at the church with Mr Rambo and a cow named Sable last Saturday! Rambo tried his best to deliver your sermon, but his Latin is not the best in the world, and all the children coming up to pat him broke up the delivery somewhat....he did his best though. He was a real prince, and made many friends for the Donkey Party, a lot of the people there had never even touched a donkey....underprivileged to say the least!! Dicey says to say "Hi" to you, and please give Mr Jack a big hug for Liebschen, hopefully that will not start a rasslin match..smile....Your friend and adviser,Mr Gale

Mr. Gale - I'm so pleased to hear that Rambo's missionary work amongst the uninformed is going well. We donkeys have a huge task ahead of us but all we can do is throw ourselves into the cause and hope for converts. Jack and I are secretly quite pleased to hear that the ladies may fall out over our posters. I have a funny feeling Jack was quite the ladies' man in his youth...

Sheaffer,I just want to tell you how dearly I love your posts, your affinity for Latin and your commentary upon The Human World at Large. Please tell The Tall Woman that we look forward to reading of your adventures each day, and thank her for her typing expertise.

My world is filled with rescuing and placing retired racing greyhounds into Good Human homes, and we first learned of your expository excellence from one of our friends on Alexbrownracing.com, a miraculous+ place where people are hard at work trying to end (cover your ears)horse slaughter, rescue needy horses--and mules, donkeys and other equine types as well--and keep the public aware of the issues, and legislation pending to end the wretched business in North America.

We have successfully rescued over 2,600 horses from death and raised close to $1 million dollars for laminitis research in the name of a very special big, bay colt who won the Kentucky Derby 2 years ago, and now lives in Heaven.

Come visit our site, and meet The Barbaro Nation. We are currently awaiting the return of our Idiotic Congress to begin our work again...

jonna - what a nice surprise to read your comment! There is a very elderly man near here who saves Greyhounds and it's nice to know that you are doing so on an even grander scale. We donkeys have heard of the great Barbaro and are quite awestruck by his courage and bravery. I will instruct the woman to take me to the site you mention - she means well but suffers from lack of leadership when I'm occupied elsewhere. The number of mistreated and discarded equines (and others) out there is just staggering. I have put my (considerable) weight behind helping others at the PrimRose Donkey Sanctuary - afterall, it's where Jack came from and I can't imagine life without him. I think the humans may be somewhat fond of him as well.