Thursday List: Fun Pictures of the Republican National Convention Taken from NYTimes.com and Made Fun of By Me

This guy is my favorite RNC delegate, Jebediah Abraham Uriah Mephibosheth Providence Biblename Goodhusband Jr., part of the delegation representing the state of The Past.

8.

The Texas delegation. Rich white people still love playing cowboys and Indians. (Not pictured, here or in any of the other pictures I browsed through: Indians.)

7.

Ha ha, that’s not the real Bill of Rights, that’s the new copy that Alberto Gonzales typed up and then wrote “Not!” at the end of and then stained with a cup of tea so it looked old.

6.

The Florida delegates, in their matching gang colors, pray. Or possibly sleep. Not even god can tell, they are so pious and simultaneously old and weary.

5.

The teleprompter tells Cindy McCain what to say. (Lies, mostly, about how she is “so proud to be standing next to [the wife of the man whose campaign, in 2000, orchestrated anonymous calls to South Carolina voters intimating that my husband had ‘fathered an illegitimate black child’] as we etc.”)

4.

Jesus H. Christ in a glass case on Wyckoff Avenue, what is Cindy McCain wearing, she looks like a mantis.

3.

At Civic Fest, an offshoot of the convention, white people who have never seen a Hou Hsiao-hsien movie could have their picture taken in a replica of the Oval Office. No word on how many guys asked their lady friends to pose with only the tops of their heads visible, “as a Clinton joke.”

2.

The insatiable crowd begs Joe Lieberman for more handjobs.

1.

Still President Bush, who could not attend the convention, even though he has his own private plane that he doesn’t even have to pay for out of his own pocket, because he is president, addresses the crowd via satellite. What a maroon.