At some point I should have stopped joining extracurricular activities. My track record as a member of fifth grade left much to desire. From the time I joined band and ruined everything to the dog poop incident of fifth grade that caused a bio-hazard and shut down my school, my prospects of ever being cool …

I was a weird kid. After the dog shit waffle-stomp incident of fifth grade in which I caused a bio-hazard, shut down my elementary school for a day and ruined some formative years (As my sister remembers, "That's the day I realized there were bad people in the world") I decided I needed an outlet. …