When Outing Your Father for Child Rape Breaks Up Your Family

By: Beth McHugh 2008

Sadly fathers do rape their own children and sometimes they even rape
their infant children. They can even rape several daughters over a period
of years.

Although this is a crime involving a prison sentence, many perpetrators
go undisclosed. There are many reasons for this, the predominant one
being fear. Children notoriously keep quite about sexual abuse because,
depending on their age at the time of abuse, they may not even be aware
that what is happening to them is abuse.

Many adult women who were sexually abused by their fathers do go on
to report that abuse to the relevant authorities. But such is the dysfunction
and enmeshment of many families in which father-daughter rape occurs,
that the victim themselves is often re-victimized, this time by members
of their own family.

Karen had been raped by her father since she was six years old. But
she was also aware that her two elder sisters had also experienced the
same treatment. No-one talked about it. Her mother knew what was going
on but for reasons of her own, chose to turn a blind eye to the proceedings.
One day Karen came home from school to hear screaming coming from the
back bedroom. Glancing in, she saw her father raping her two-year-old
sister. She quietly closed the door, afraid of doing anything to help
her.

But when Karen was in her 20s, her depression and drinking were getting
out of hand. She could no longer hold down a job. She finally went to
a rape crisis center and told her story. She was referred to a psychiatrist
and placed on antidepressants.

It took years of therapy for Karen to grasp some semblance of power
and self-respect back. The events of her childhood had almost completely
killed her spirit. Almost.

As she improved, she became angry. She decided to confront her father
and go to the police. A seemingly amazing, but not uncommon event then
happened. Her sisters all turned on her. Undaunted, she decided to take
her father to court where he was found guilty. But this came at a big
price for Karen. Her sisters, who had all been raped repeatedly by this
“father”, refused to speak to Karen and refused to supply
corroborating evidence in court. In fact, one of her sisters told her
that “this was the way our father showed us he loved us”.

The latter behavior is sadly not uncommon. It is the actions of a woman
so damaged by her childhood experiences that this is how she deals with
it... not only by totally denying the abuse but actually putting a positive
spin on it. One of Karen’s sisters later committed suicide, unable
to reconcile her current thinking with memories of her past.

In all cases of abuse it is so important to look at the truth and accept
it, no matter how painful, and slowly work through it to a place of
acceptance. To not accept leaves the door open to even more profound
pain.