Baseball, as It Relates to Navigating the Geography of Marriage

Hi, my name is Aaron. I write the Whys Guy column for REDBOOK magazine. This is my first post for my new blog. I'll write a post on Tuesday of each week and if the spirit moves me I may just write a second on Friday. If you send me questions I'll answer them, otherwise I'll just write weird random stuff about my life and marriage. So you should probably send in questions.

This is my first post on the aforementioned random stuff:

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Christmas in Philadelphia, Cliff Lee, and Navigating the Geography of Marriage

It is a beautiful week before Christmas here in Philadelphia thanks in no small part to our professional sports teams. The Eagles squashed the Giants on Sunday and earlier in the week the Phillies announced that pitcher Cliff Lee would be returning to the team. It's been a very special week for the city's sports fans. The guy making my lunch on Sunday after the Eagles game was actually crying tears of joy on my pork sandwich. It tasted sweet.

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I know what you're thinking, "Is it concerning that, even with the addition of Cliff Lee, the Phillies haven't addressed the problems in their bullpen and with last season's anemic offense?"

Just kidding. You're thinking, "Why I'm a getting a local sports wrap-up on the website for a women's magazine?" You're thinking, "Aaron Traister is a terrible blogger." You're thinking, "Who the heck is Cliff Lee?"

Bear with me.

You see, the Cliff Lee story has got me thinking about how where we live affects our relationships with our spouses. TA-DA! Women's magazine topic accomplished!

Anyway, for those of you who are not interested in sports or Philadelphia, it is a long and complicated story, but the short version is that Cliff Lee turned down a lot more money in New York and Texas to play here in Philadelphia, at least in part, because this city and its surrounding areas were the best fit for his wife and kids.

Over the last week I've read letters threads in which anonymous internet macho men criticized Lee for turning down a reported 30 million dollars just to make his wife happy geographically. In my mind, the difference between 120 and 150 million is the difference between being able to buy your kid a horse for Christmas and being able to launch that horse into space. I think most normal guys would want their wives to be happy before they wanted a space horse.

When we talk about challenges to a relationship, the things that spring to most people's minds are money, jobs, sex, kids, in-laws, etc. Rarely have I heard about people fighting over geography. And yet, as we become an increasingly mobile and transient population it must be an issue in a lot of marriages.

It was in mine. For the first couple years we were married, one of the biggest challenges Karel and I faced was geography. Karel felt like she couldn't live in Philly, and I felt like I couldn't live away from it.

Karel is from Texas; I'm from Philadelphia; and we met while living in New York. When we moved to Philly after getting married, Karel discovered she hated it. I, on the other hand, learned that I am one of those guys who can't really function outside of my hometown; everything moves wrong in other cities and I can't seem to learn how to go with the flow.

More importantly, I love this city. Plus, we had enough steady work and money in Philly to be okay, but not enough money to pick up and start over somewhere new.

Perhaps being stuck in the Cheese Steak Capital of North America turned out for the best: We had kids, changed neighborhoods, and made some lifestyle changes that allowed us to get out of town a few times a year.

And at some point during all those big changes, the flip switched for Karel. While she may never hold my hometown in the same esteem that I do, she started accentuating the positives of our fair metropolis — from the food to the walkability to the culture to the people to the food. Slowly but surely, Karel is happily transitioning into a Philly girl. I mean, she even roots for the Eagles against the Cowboys. It was like one morning she woke up and realized that we had a community where we belonged and I realized that my wife was happy again. For the first time during our 4 years in Philly we were really home.

Maybe Cliff Lee was a fool to leave 30 million on the table; maybe that extra cash could have bought his family happiness anywhere on earth along with a pony in orbit. For me, the sense of stability for my family, the support of friends and neighbors, the knowledge that my wife and kids are happy and safe and that the place they live is sustaining them — it's an indescribable feeling. And while 9 grand would help fix the foundation of my house and 100 thousand would help me sleep a little easier tonight, I still think trading all that great stuff for an extra 30 million wouldn't be worth it.

But I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject:

Have you ever been stuck in city where you're miserable but your partner is happy? How long would you be willing to live in a place where you're not happy but you have a good job with good money? How long are you willing to hang in there for a happy spouse? Are you too close to your in-laws? Are you too far away from a familial support system? Does geography end marriages? Is this going to be the best four-man rotation in the history of baseball? I want to hear from you guys about these questions and anything else that's on your mind.