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Thursday, April 22, 2010

Thoughts

Although I haven't been given the be still command specifically by Omega, I have instead chosen to be still myself. Trying to wrap my head around something said to me and still failing or feeling like I've failed. Yesterday the thoughts started tumbling out of my head in a cohesive manner, so much so if I hadn't been in the middle of washing the floor I certainly would have run to the computer to put them down. Instead that chore turned into another and so on, until the free time to write was finally there. Of course, quite naturally those thoughts had again eluded me. I wondered for a moment how many thoughts are simply lost because someone was just too busy to write them down?

Many thoughts have sprang to my mind lately. It cannot be said enough that I'm different. I've changed somewhat and I'm at peace at last with who and what I am. I serve Omega twenty-four hours a day and seven days a week. I don't receive time off for any reason, but he makes sure that I have time, adequate time in fact, to do things that are important to me, just like he makes sure I have time for the things that are important to him. Is it demanding? Sometimes. But it's also easy and it should be.

I mentioned some friends of ours are embarking on a taken in hand or domestic discipline type of relationship. I wish them well on this journey. I have considered opening my thoughts concealed in this blog to them both, but have decided for now not to do this. Omega was part of that decision as he is part of all my decisions. He didn't decide for me but instead offered his guidance and perspective. I value both greatly. The husband at this time only has a strong desire for his wife to submit to him. He's not into torture or pain of any kind, although he did spank her recently when she disobeyed him.

She called me up, in tears feeling violated. How could he do that? Spank her like a child! I listened, but honestly I didn't have a lot of sympathy for her. I understand that first time is hard; the realization that this is how it will be is tough to accept, even when you know everything and have been down that road. The first real time Omega punished me in a corporal way was devastating. Partly because it was my fault, and partly because I made him so angry and disappointed in me. I did that. Myself.

I listened through her tears and heard so clearly her fear, the parts of her holding herself back. The fear of changing. I listened carefully to everything she said. She was afraid of submitting herself to him. I think she was afraid of losing her independence or maybe just the idea of it. Then she said the words to me, "I don't know how you do it."

Now it does need saying they've had the discussion and she knew this was what he wanted, in fact he's spoken to O over the past few months about it as well. Their discussions started very simply as jokes I guess about me...lol Then I guess the questions turned serious. O didn't tell him a lot about TTWD, but fed him a few tidbits about being HOH and other things like that. Punishment or correction, I'm sure was also brought up. Their discussions started, evolved and O has offered his advice to them both.

My mind wanders back to the comment about not understanding how I do it. I guess the simplest answer is that I just do it.

13 comments:

I find it very interesting that you have come so far, and now you are looking at your friend and seing where you have come from. You were once there yourself. It can be hard to see it in yourself, as the changes may have been gradual over such a long period. But now you see her, knowing your have been in her shoes, and can really see the road you have traveled. That has to make you think introspectively about yourself.

From the way you descibed your friend, it sounds like she isn't sure this is what she wants. It almost sounds more like what he wants and is forcing upon her. Maybe I'm reading into incorrectly, but that's how it comes across to me. Assuming it is what she wants though, don't you think it's you duty, as a fellow submissive, to guide and assist her? As someone who's been there and lives it every day, don't you think you would be a great role model and mentor for her through this transition?

Being in her frame of mind right now I really don't think she meant that as badly as it sounded. I think once she comes to terms with her desires and her husbands, she'll have a great understanding and quite possibly might apologize for such a rash statement.

I think she was fine with it until she got spanked because she bought expensive shoes specifically against his wishes. I think it suddenly hit her that she really had to accept his word as law. I think it was bound to happen. As they grow into these new roles (I hope) it will become easier.

So far he's only punished her this one time. And I think (maybe I'm wrong) that as time passes she will see the punishment differently than she did that moment. Yes, I'm trying to help her through this transition. But I also have to be careful what I say to her and how I say it.

There seems to be a theme going round of "making" people submissive, or dominant, or shaping them into such. I have been conflicted in how I feel about this. My gut feeling is that it is part of you, or it is not, but I know so little - and I realize that. I really don't believe someone could make another person be submissive, really mentally, emotionally be submissive. I don't think i could fake it, in any sustainable way. On the other hand, by asking my husband to be dominant, am I letting him express something that was always there, or asking him to fake it? I hope your friends can find the way that is true to both of them.

I read it somewhat like DV - wondering if this really was her desire too, or more his desire. Maybe it seemed OK to her in theory, but she didn't understand the reality of it thoroughly? If she is comparing the spanking with the treatment of a child, rather then just saying it was more intense than she had imagined, it doesn't really sound as if she turly thinks he's entitled to discipline her, at least not physically. Rather than just doubting her ability to endure the spanking.

I understand that one might balk from the reality even if it is something one really wants, and that it will all work out when one adjusts, and that this might just be a question of her easing into the DD relationship. So I do understand that her feelings now do not necessarily mean she is not submissive or up for DD. But I think it's really important to be sure about this. There are many women (and maybe men too) out there who just are not wery assertive or lack a certain confidance in relation to their partners, rateher than being really submissive.

Of course, you and Omega know these people, and I underastand that there might be a lot of other stuff that you didn't include in your post, and maybe you already know that this is what she truly desires.

Ya....submission is either there or not. But also she can be just submissive to him and it doesn't change who she is elsewhere. They've been married a long time, and have a great marriage. However she's always kinda run things, she spent money on what she wanted even if he disagreed with it (strongly). Now he was empowered a few months ago when he put his foot down and said no and meant it. She backed down. Then he did it again about something else...and again...her attitude toward him changed in a positive way.

As he's become more commanding in her life, she's become more submissive. In a lot of areas. Not in all the areas I guess he wants.

And Ms Lennoxx, I think it was her desire also until she found out that by breaking a rule, meant a real consequence. Today she and I went to lunch after we walked through the mall. She saw a purse she wanted and sent her husband a text. He replied asking how much...she told him (we were at the Coach store) and he said no. He had just bought her a Louis Vuitton bag just a couple months ago.

For the first time I have known her she put it back and didn't think twice.

I've noticed changes in her...she's still just as assertive as ever. But I think she's learning to temper it a little bit at least where her husband is concerned.

It also needs saying that their dynamic is totally different from Omega's and mine. Where as Omega is first in my thoughts, her husband doesn't have that expectation. I think he just wants her respect.

If she didn't understand that she would have to submit to her husbands decisions as HOH, and that there would be consequences (probably spanking) for disobeying if they embarked on a DD lifestyle - which surely even just a perfunctory googling would have prepared her for - then what did she actually desire about DD? And how thoroughly had they talked through what a DD lifestyle would entail for them?

From what you describe, it sounds as if they've had some imbalance in their relationship, but him demanding more respect and her liking that he is standing up for himself, doesn't automatically make them DD. There is a middle ground between her being bossy and him being HOH. I hope they are not embarking on DD just to solve some practical problems (there are other solutions to getting around different notions on money spending). I think it should be done from a deep desire for those roles, that dynamic.

People in flux are often vulnerable to the idea of making radical changes, especially if there are pent-up needs involved. But often what is really needed is a balancing - not going to the other end point. I hope they take their time and feel their way through this. And if they truly want DD, then all the power to them.

The impression that I've gotten is that he just wants a more traditional type marriage... where he's the head of household and his wife respects and supports his decisions. And considering he's the one earning the money she tends to spend on a whim, I don't think that's really unreasonable.

Now, if she had a job and was making her own money, I can't see he'd have an issue with how she spent it.

Not trying to be obtuse, but if she really didn't expect him to follow through with the discipline (as opposed to balking at the intesity), I'm still wondering if she's truly into DD, or if she just likes a more confident husband, maybe thinking DD is the only way to get there.

Her excessive spending can be managed in other ways. Why not give her an allowance, and no access to other funds if she's abusing them? There will probably be a transition period, but I'm sure he will be getting more and more respect on all fronts from her as he continues to assert himself even without the DD.

If her being a housewife (as I understand Turiya) was a joint decision, I'm assuming it was seen as beneficial for the family as a whole (raising kids, entertaining his business contacts or whatever), and at least IMO, the only right he has to more than half the power is the right she yields to him. If she is submissive, she shouldn't a problem with that. There are BDSM couples where the submissive women have owned the house and been the only or by far the major breadwinners, and in spite of that very happy with the TPE - so I think the distribution of power within the relationship has more to do with personal needs than who's earning the money.