I used to love the show “Strangers With Candy” that used to be on forever ago. I remember the lead saying a line that went a little something like “I was a user, a loser and an abuser”. This line from this show reminds me of some of my beloved clients who are such losers, users and abusers they make me want to run and hide when I see their names on my schedule. I believe some people have a face that just stands out and makes people think they can take them for all they’re worth, and unfortunately kids, I have that face. My personality matches my gorgeous face as well, and once people get to know me they learn that I’m a sucker. I know it sounds like I’m being very harsh with myself, but if you can’t be honest with yourself then who can you be honest with?

I am working on my weakness, learning that I don’t have to say yes to every single request that comes my way, but even when I say no, certain people simply won’t accept it. The example I’m going to give you this time around is a girl I could call many names, but I think I’m just going to stick with Material Girl. Material Girl is just that. She is the most materialistic girl I have ever met in my life, and she measures her happiness by how much stuff she has in her closet and how many vacations she takes in a year. Every massage, I walk into the room and she’s crying. I used to get suckered into asking her what was wrong, but I act like I don’t even hear her anymore because the answer is always “You have no idea what I’m going through. You don’t know what its like to be poor.” {sniffle, sniffle} “I know all of these people who get to go shopping and go on vacations, and it’s not fair.” {sniffle, sniffle}

Let me tell you right now that I do know what it’s like to be poor, and those times were some of the best times because life was so simple then. I worked a lot less, had more time for my family and friends, and my body didn’t ache from doing 17 massages a day. I have never been the type of person to measure my success and happiness in how much “stuff” was in my closet. Let me tell you something else, she doesn’t work and relies solely on her husband’s hard-earned income for her nails, hair, tan and gym membership. Now that I’ve painted a picture for you, let me tell you how she’s abused her privileges as my client.

I get paid per every massage I do. If a client doesn’t show up, I’m out money. If this happens a lot during the week, I’m out a lot of money. Well, people can schedule online which is so convenient, but inconsiderate people like Material Girl take advantage of this wonderful system and schedules herself three times a week which is great because it fills my schedule up. Theres just one problem though, she never shows up. That’s quite a bit of money out of my pocket, and it makes for a very cranky massage therapist. When I ask her why she does this she says “I don’t want other people to take the spots I want so I take them all before they can.” When I explain to her that she’s hurting my family by taking potential money away from me she says “well, that isn’t fair to me if I can’t have my spots. It’s not fair.” Seriously, I have no idea who the hell told this girl what the word fair meant, but I think she got the wrong definition.

The scheduling issue is just the tip of the iceberg. I almost named Material Girl the Texter because that’s what she does all of the time. I think she feels that if she does not meet a texting quota for the day, that all texting capabilities will cease to exist and she will be reduced to actually picking up the phone and talking to the person she is trying to reach. There have been days where I have received 22 texts from her in less than 24 hours, and these aren’t texts with a few words either. They are novellas filled with drama I do not give two flying flips about, but because I have massaged her she seems to think I now want to know everything about her life right down to when she took a healthy poo. Somewhere along the line I have been confused with being her friend, and maybe I would feel like I knew her a little better if she actually showed up to her appointments, but she doesn’t so I’m not her friend. I tried telling her this, but she reads and hears what she wants, so whatever I say makes no difference. She texted me more than ever after I told her we weren’t really on texting terms.

One unsuspecting day I walked into my massage room and she was crying as usual, and just like always, I ignored her pathetic little wimpers. I began the massage, still not saying a word, and then she asked me a question no one wants to be asked. “Um, could I just borrow a little money to get through this week? Like not much, but just to get through?” Ha! You would think she thought I was Donald Trump or something! I hoped she wasn’t counting on me to save the day because I wasn’t going to go there. I told her I never let anyone borrow money, and that it wasn’t personal, it’s just business. She said nothing else, and sniffled her way through the rest of the hour, probably in hopes of me giving into her pathetic cries.

The next time she came in there were no cries, no sniffles, and in fact she was happy. To keep with the massage trend I didn’t ask her how she was doing, but that was because I didn’t have to. She wouldn’t shut up! Blah, blah, blah, I got Botox. Blah, blah, blah, I got a purse. Well, I guess someone was stupid enough to give into her pleas and loaned her money. Who said money can’t buy you happiness?