except, i realized recently, real documentary-style television about people who take themselves very, very seriously. witness blow out. within the first half of the first episode i watched, i was completely hooked on watching this megalomaniac narrate his every thought to a camera that ate him up. and watching the people around him let his world revolve around him. it's really astonishing. but undeniably entertaining. and, of course, more revelatory than i wish it were--"wow, i think that way sometimes." "i felt that way yesterday." and "i said something like that a couple of weeks ago--did i sound like that much of a jerk?"

anyway, watching this kind of stuff is what inspired this.

lisa, sitting down in front of the camera: here? [gets help with the microphone clip; laughs] i hate how these packs poke you in the back--like i need something else making my ass look big!

interviewer: so, what are you going to be working on today?

l: well, i've been working on this [digs in the orange bag and pulls out the black sweater] sweater for...i don't know. weeks? months, maybe? and you can see how it's [contemplates taking off her shirt and putting on the sweater to demonstrate, then realizes this would mean on-camera indecency, so opts to hold it up instead] really great all through here [motions over torso, spokesmodel-like] but is totally huge up here [pulls at the neckband, which flares outward crazily]. i think my row gauge was off or something. i don't know. so now i have to rip it all out--i mean, not ALL of it, but all of the neck band and where it's attached, which is a total pain in the ass, because the neck band isn't one piece, but picked up stitches knitted on. i'm so pissed. then i have to redo it using smaller needles, i guess. that's what tania suggested.

[sighs]

l: and that'll probably take me all freaking day. i have no idea what we're having for dinner. smartboy's off to run errands all day, all of this crap [motions to papers and sundries on the coffee table] needs to be filed or something, and i'm just...tired, you know? i worked like 14 hours every day this week. and the week before. every book i'm working on right now except one got turned around in like three days. unreal. and some of these authors...well, let's just say i'll be glad to finish these projects. oh, and i have to figure out a birthday present for my dad and what i'm sending my mother, stepmother, and mother-in-law for mother's day. that's all got to happen today, too.

[looks up brightly, slapping thighs for punctuation]

so i guess i'd better get to it, then! [stands up, then awkwardly realizes she's still tethered to the mike. laughs awkwardly] oops! can you-- [gets help detaching the microphone pack] thanks. [unmiked] when did you say y'all are coming back? [unintelligible] okay, cool. see you then.