Copy of an email I wrote today:

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

I recently received a card from you and MADD after the death of our son. I have a question regarding victims. Who is included in the category victim? I found out my son was drunk when he had his accident. I’m unsure where this leaves our family. Are we in fact victims? Or where do we stand? A little history on our son. He was arrested for dui a couple of years ago. He attended all of the usual court appointed classes and programs. He thought he was invincible. He walked away from a couple of previous accidents with barely a scrape. Nobody had ever been injured (thankfully). Countless times I had begged him to straighten up before he hurt or killed someone or himself. Then he had really started to turn his life around. He had cut back on the “partying”. He was working out, losing weight, dieting. BUT, in doing so, he was running on “empty”. He was a gamer, so he’d be up late during the nights gaming. Then he would have to get up early for work. So living on little fuel, little sleep, and energy drinks. He has one (possibly two, pending paternity confirmation) young children. He left behind a brother, a sister, a son, a daughter, and everyone else that loved him. The night of his death, he had a designated driver lined up. He had told his driver that he wanted to leave when he was finished with is drink. His driver thought he had time to go get high with his girlfriend, when they came back, Stephen had already left. According to text messages, my son thought that his driver abandoned him at the street dance. On his way home, he was reported to have been driving in the wrong lane at one point. He appeared to have passed out with cruise control on, left the road, traveled through the ditch until he hit an embankment, rolling his car multiple times until it came to a stop in a cornfield. According to reports, his car caught on fire. He had to be identified with dental records.

So, I ask, who is the victim? Us? Him? His brother and sister? His children?

We all think it would never happen to us. Now my life will never be the same.