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This week’s episode of The Real Housewives of New York City reminded us why this installment in the franchise is definitely a varsity player. There was bickering the whole way through, and while it was all petty and immature (much to the disdain of my mother, who was watching with me), it was nonetheless amazing trainwreck TV (as opposed to the lifeless squabbles on Orange County and Miami). The whole hour was a mess, but it wasn’t just that these ladies were all screaming at each other. There was more — oh so much more — from Ramona’s table chart freakout to LuAnn delivering her most haughty line of all time. Yes, I said that. In a reality career that has showcased LuAnn turning her nose up at chauffeurs to housekeepers, her most wonderfully haughty and loaded comment came at the end of the episode after Alex had left Sonja’s party in a huff. LuAnn simply lowered her face in that patented way and said to Sonja, “She doesn’t belong here.” BAM. Awful/amazing.

Long live The Real Housewives of New York City.

This week’s brouhaha began with a march for gay marriage rights that had all the women trotting around in their wedding dresses. Even though Alex had been a key organizer for the event, it was Sonja who had been selected as the grand marshall, and as such, she was taking her role very seriously. She invited all the ladies over to her place for a fitting and repeatedly announced that this day was all about her — pissing off Alex in the meantime. It wasn’t all about Sonja, it was about gays’ rights to marry, she insisted. Nonetheless, Sonja wanted to milk this bad boy, and I had to admit I was a bit shocked at how she repeatedly noted that it was all about HER.

Well, it truly was about Sonja, and never more so when it came to speaking at the event. Apparently she had made an arrangement with the organizers that she would only serve as Grand Marshall if she were the only one to speak at the event. One problem: Simon was all set to make a speech of his own. As soon as Silex realized they’d been bumped from the podium, they were livid. They should have been pissed at the organizers, but when they asked Sonja if she’d graciously agree to let Simon speak also, Sonja said no. And then it was on. Simon lost his cool, snapping at Sonja. Alex wound up barking along too while Sonja expressed utter shock that anyone would deign to ruin HER big moment. Soon all three were bickering, with LuAnn hovering about to give dismissive and aghast looks. It wasn’t until Kelly Bensimon, unlikely voice of reason, stepped up and reminded the women that they were all embarrassing each other.

Coast clear? Nope. Enter Jill Zarin. Alex awkwardly thanked Jill for showing up despite having had no intention to go, causing Jill to suddenly explode and demand that Alex stop picking on her. I don’t know what was in the water that day, but I suspect The Joker was behind it. Or at least Ramona.

Well, things eventually settled down, Sonja gave a banal speech, and everyone wound up at Alex’s brownstone where strawberries and champagne were had and the hatchet was buried… for the time being.

We then moved on to Act II of the show, which took place at a charity fundraiser celebrating Gucci. Ramona had bought a table and had invited her usuals: Mario, Jodi, Alex, Simon, and Sonja. One person Ramona didn’t invite: Kelly. Ramona just didn’t know where Kelly’s head was at (a perpetual question for the universe) and didn’t want to have her at her table. But as luck would have it, Sonja arrived with none other than Kelly as her date. But not really. Kelly was happy to inform us that she’d been invited to the event by Gucci himself, but that’s neither here nor there. Anyway, Ramona then turned into a whirling dervish as she sprang into action to accommodate Kelly at her table, only to learn in the end that Kelly wasn’t staying for dinner. It was a truly silly interlude, but about as entertaining as they come, thanks mostly to Ramona and those bulging eyes.

Anyway, once everyone did settle in for dinner, Ramona asked Sonja about what happened at the march, and Sonja proceeded to bash Simon and Alex right in front of Simon and Alex. Or so we’re to believe. It’s unclear if the couple was sitting at the table at that moment or if that was just clever editing. Either way, Sonja clearly was not happy still, which brings us to Act III.

To celebrate her artist boyfriend and his new portrait of her, Sonja held a party at her place and invited everyone to come. Alex showed up sweetly, and Sonja greeted her by saying that she loved her, she adored her, and that the whole tiff the other day was like water off the back of a duck. Oh, and by the way, if Simon EVER GOT IN HER FACE AGAIN, SHE WOULD NOT STAND FOR IT!

Well, Alex 2.0 was not about to stand for this ridiculous phoniness. She immediately fought back and reminded Sonja that she had made a day for gay rights all about herself. This led to rapid-fire bickering, but for one moment, Alex did have the stage, and she clearly spelled out what it was that had annoyed her and Simon so greatly. Even though she was making total sense, Sonja then cut her off and announced that Alex was simply speaking nonsense. This led to more cross-talk, with Sonja ultimately yelling “Out of my house!” As luck would have it, in walked Countess LuAnn, who could not have been more shocked and then horrified at the un-ladylike drama unfolding before her. Eventually Alex left, and LuAnn happily came to Sonja’s defense, uttering the aforementioned line about Alex not belonging there. And so ended a crazy, hilarious episode.

Oh, and Cindy did some stuff too.

“Please be sure to do my makeup correctly. This day is all about me, and I’m just so thrilled to be portray Penny Marshall for the gays.”“No, you’re the GRAND Marshall, not Penny Marshall.”“Even better!”

“So did anyone hear the news? Mayor McCheese invited me to be the Grand Marshall of the McDonaldsland Gay Pride Parade. And if that bitch Birdie the Early Bird speaks, so help me God. That day is about ME.”

“Sonja, Birdie the Early Bird is an integral leader in the gay rights movement.”

“And so am I, Alex. This day — and all associated Happy Meals and free Apple Pie offers – is about ME.”

“But it’s not!”

“Oh sweetheart. You must be hormonal. You know what? Water off a duck’s back! Kisses!”

Sonja: “Now, ladies, this is a very special day for me–“Alex: “Gay rights.”Sonja: “Whatever. I want you all to take turns applying this hairspray to me while saying what you love best about my hair.”LuAnn: “Naturally. It’s what one does.“

Simon: “I’ve been wanting to celebrate the gays, and you took that away from me!”“He wore his razzamatazz blazer. HIS RAZZAMATAZZ BLAZER!!!”

Sonja: “I don’t feel comfortable having Simon in my ear. I mean, he’s this big, hulking man, and, I don’t know, today is supposed to be about me–“Alex: “Gay rights.”Sonja: “Whatever. It’s very scary to me.”Kelly: “You were scared? Of a man wearing a razzamatazz blazer?”“Wouldn’t you be?”

Alex: “You’re not even wearing a wedding dress! You look like you belong in Ancient Greece.”Sonja: “You have the worst manners. OUT OF MY ACROPOLIS!”

“You are all embarrassing yourselves. Stop it. STOP IT.”Alex: “Wow. What’s more embarrassing is that you’re the voice of reason right now.”

Alex: “I’m so glad you came, Jill!”LuAnn: “Well, this CERTAINLY isn’t the proper time for salutations.”

“DON’T SAY HI TO ME! I’M SICK OF YOU PICKING ON ME!! JUST LEAVE ME AND GINGE-AH ALONE!”

“Must. Kill. JIll….”

“Hello everyone. I’m so honored that you all came out here to support me on my big day. Now let’s get this toga party started!!!! It is a toga party, yes?”

“What a lovely day walking across the Brooklyn Bridge. I just wish Ramona were here to make us all cry.”

Alex: “Jill’s eating the hors d’oeuvres that I specifically set aside for the gays. Can NOTHING go right today?”

“Okay, I want to be blown away by this painting. Something that really captures my humble demeanor.”

“Darling, the nerve of Alex to start up with you at the gay rights march — it just wasn’t the right time. And so close to the Cancer Society! NEVER at the Cancer Society!”

“Does anyone mind that I’m drinking beer from a champagne flute?”

“Excuse me, EVERYONE has gotten a chance to be crazy this episode except me. MY TURN.”

“KELLY IS RUINING THE ENTIRE SEATING CHART! IT’S DÃ‰CLASSÃ‰!!!”

Kelly: “Don’t mind me. I’m just dropping by to say hello. And how nice of you to bring Pocahantas. Look at that little injun face!”Ramona: “Well, it’s lovely to see you.”“Lovely to see you too.”Jodi: “Is no one going to talk about what just happened?”

Sonja: “Well, next thing I know, I have this big, hulking, masculine man barking in my ear–“Ramona: “Wait, are we still talking about Simon? Because you said ‘hulking’ and ‘masculine.'”

“It was very scary. He was wearing a razzamatazz blazer!”“You know he’s right behind you, right?”“I don’t care. This evening is about ME.”

“Alex, sweetie, it is SO wonderful to see you. I absolutely adore you, and I know that fight was merely just you being stressed out. Water off a duck’s back! I just love you… ALTHOUGH IF YOUR FUCKING HUSBAND EVER COMES NEAR ME AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD!!!!!!!!”

“I did NOT put on my finest Pleasure Chest ensemble to be berated by you!”

“Let me explain something to you clearly and concisely. Simon and I had worked vigorously on that march for about five months. It was very close to us, and as such Simon wanted to address the crowd with a very personal story. However, when he went to speak — as he had been promised he could — the organizers said that you demanded that only you could speak. So naturally we were upset.”

“I’m going to stop you right there because you are making NO sense whatsoever.”

“I couldn’t have been clearer.”

“Now you’re just speaking gibberish.”

“Are you serious?”

“Well, if you’re not going to speak English, there’s no point in continuing this discussion.”

Sonja: “You have the worst manners. OUT OF MY HOUSE!”Alex: “No, you listen to me. I passed up a chance to dangle from a harness in a dungeon full of human traffic cones to come here.”

Sonja: “This is the wrong time. Wrong time then, wrong time now. OUT OF MY HOUSE!”LuAnn: “Oh dear. The commoners are fighting.”

“Everyone, tonight is all about Peter. And as such, I want to remind you that it’s truly all about me.”

Hilarious! I never knew Sonia could be such a bitch. Ramona’s face in the last picture sums up exactly what everyone was thinking about that horrible painting of Sonia.
And why is Sonia carrying a purse on her arm in her own house while she is at the door throwing Alex out?

On WWHL when Andy took a poll on who was right Sonia or Alex it was a landslide in favor of Alex.

BBitz, tres funny, dahling! Let me slip off my jewelry plated countess costume and put on my WTF face about Sonja – what a heiffa!! Yeah, bitch, gay rights are all about you! When did she become a gay icon, btw?? I must have missed the memo that is posted on “what gays care about.com” that made the announcement.

Alexis needs to learn to fight better than that – she needs to have had that bitch trailing her and not the other way around. But I was too distracted by her bondage gear and weird posture to hear her well enough over Sonja’s insane blather. Well, I guess the justice is looking at the redounk portrait of Sonja. It is like the picture of Dorian Gray, minus the irony.

Jill, still hate… Ramona, still crazy….Kelly, still a 12 year old mind….Luann, still a tranny beyotch… and the newest one, still forget her name.

I loved Sonya last season, but I am so over her at this point! First to make the event all about her, then to basically admit that she had Silex bumped from the speach agenda (in the episode and again on WWHL) was annoying but I was willing to let it go. Then, SHE brings the whole thing back up to Alex at the art party, and the second Alex is making a valid arguement, Sonya deems the conversation inappropriate and accuses Alex of bringing it up?!? Excuse me?? I was staring at the tv, begging Alex to call her out on ruining her own stupid party, but it didn’t happen. Then you have Luann immediately side with Sonya, without even being there. These bitches infuriate me.

really a trainwreck indeed. and alex hit the nail on the head with regard to sonja’s hackneyed speech about love and men and whatever other nonsense she spewed at the event – it didn’t at all address the issue at hand. moron. and while kelly did remind the women that they were embarrassing themselves, i cringed since it still smacked of patented bensimon craziness with the intense repeating of phrases about manners, embarrassment, etc. while her linebacker neck grew increasingly taut. not sold on that one being reformed. the scene at sonja’s house was really terrible also, alex was sooooo in the right there not only with the actual transgression but also her lucid explanation of events. sonja was the one who brought it up and then heaped a lot of bull on us viewers trying to convince us that alex had the bad manners…

Jodi’s name is actually Joni. And I don’t understand why they haven’t made her a housewife… she’s been on since season 1.
Sonja is proving to be as awful as everyone else. And I think she has a drinking problem.
Luann is a haughty bitch- but I love her! And Alex 2.0 is unbearable! I am beginning to hate her as much as Ramona.

Alex 2.0 is mostly unbearable but at least in this instance, ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. I was so upset by Sonya’s behavior in the whole episode. It was disgusting, I almost had to turn it off.
Bside Ben: You had her as your #1 housewife. Has your opinion changed? Maybe she should be your next Housewife Hoedown Better or Worse? I honestly think that volcano in Iceland is better…

I can’t believe that I actually am agreeing with the Luann, but she is right, Alex needs to learn to zip it. Alex is just waiting to pounce at any and everyone whether the issue is big or small. (Can’t believe I am siding with snooty Luann).

And I actually could see where Jill was coming from too when she showed up at the march. Alex was all up in her grill and acting sort of school-marmish saying something like “It’s good that you came to the march (thanks to me guiliting yyou into it).” For whatever reason why Jill decided to leave the Hamptons early, Alex was going to take credit for it.

I had really warmed up to Alex last season, but she is just too intense this season and is coming off looking petty and foolish and childish. And her wedding dress and the black S&M dress were not flattering on her. At all.

That painting of sonja looked like it was done by Erik (‘Work of Art season 1) – it was an artaster. What was with that pose? Hey Girl – I got news for you. If that is how your bf sees you – he don’t love you.!
On WWHL she tried a little damage control about her hijacking the Marriage Equality March by telling Andy that it was a 7 hour shoot and she only said “it’s about me” like 6 times. Gawd I love when a housewife tries to justify their bitchass behavior.

I am loving Alex2 — she is not letting any of these bitches get away with their two-faced behavior. Is she grating? Yes. Is she dressing like a tramp? Yes. Bring it.!!

I think Alex has just come to represent what she claimed to be above and what she professed to loathe in seasons past as far as constant bickering and bitchiness and drama. While she did have a point about the day being about gay rights and not being about Sonya, I would still rather watch a full hour of just Sonya talking about nothing than listen to 5 seconds of Real Alex. She is grating, and creepy to look at to boot.

I was grossed out to see Ginger licking Jill’s nostrils AGAIN. Do dogs actually do that or is it something Jill encourages?

I wish someone would comment on Luann’s tacky-ass necklaces. Bethenny would have something to say – “you dumb drag queen!”

I understand the concept of wearing wedding dresses but it seems so uncomfortable for a march outdoors in the rain.

I hope someone brings up Kelly’s beyond offensive Pocahontas comment on the reunion so we can hear Kelly claim she is the ambassador for the Cherokees or some similar nonsense. I’ll send in the question myself if it means the Countess will chime in about her heritage!

I’m confused. Is the problem that whoever seems to be the public’s favorite housewife lets it go to her head or was Sonja just vile all along and we never got to see it? Seems like she’s repeating Jill’s mistake of thinking she’s a big deal and she doesn’t realize her newfound popularity is very fragile. One episode like this is all it takes to lose it and she’s already stepping into “It was the editing” territory!

No one is addressing the most important issue-wtf is that paisley explosion Sonja is wearing in the picture with Brian? It looks like a top I had in the 8th grade, but louder. And did Kelly always have such enormous side & front cleavage? She must have exchaged her short-short dresses for boob-poppers.

It’s funny, Ramona is really the only one who hasn’t changed too much from the 1st season, but I like her so much better now. She seems to be the only one with any sense of self-awareness, even when she’s being a douche.

I kept thinking of Scary Island when Kelly was telling Alex to wipe her makeup off because it was fu**ing scary, she did look pretty scary this episode!
At Sonja’s party I think Alex was trying to channel a femme fatale and it ended up looking more Jersey Shore at Karma. I used to like Alex but she’s a bit of an abrasive nag this season, the worst. I never liked Sonja for her humility so I still find her great.
Overall, this season by far supersedes OC and Miami

I think LuAnn, Kelly, and Sonja think that they are so above everyone else that they can’t believe someone would call them out on their bullshit.

Sonja admitted on WWHL that she told the organizers that she could be the only one who made a speech even though earlier she had said the organizers canceled Simon’s speech. And she didn’t even have a planned speech ready she just winged it.

Karma came back to Sonja when they unveiled that ugly painting of her in the most awkward pose ever. Your BF doesn’t think your hot he is just fucking you for your money and connections.

HB-you are so right about Ginger! Why doesn’t Jill realize that she looks pathetic when she does that? Get your own shtick.

Echoing other posters…I can’t believe I kind of agree with Luann. Alex HAS found her voice but now she needs a filter. She DOES need to stop pouncing on every tiny slight. I do agree that Alex had a right to confront Sonja about the Marriage Equality March and that was a shitty thing for Sonja to do. Alex needs to calm down when confronting someone, being shrill will not make anyone listen to your point of view and she needs to realize when the argument is futile (Sonja)! Just get your words out and then drop it, as Tamra said in RHOC, you can’t argue with stupid.

I have yet to watch this episode in full. I totally forgot it is on Thursday night, and we don’t have dvr anymore, but grandpa’s 80th birthday was more important then these bitches! I really just wanted to see Alex say that Sonja ” is a thug in a cocktail dress”!!
Where have I seen Alex in that dress??…….oh wait, she wore that on an eppi of Bethaney Ever After…her birthday party from hell!

I will have to rewatch this one again, Cause last season didn’t LuLu’s daughter break BOTH arms jumping out the window? Girl must be a spazz if she broke her arm again! Then again, I am one to talk, I can hardly walk up a flight of stairs with out falling!

B-Side writes the best recaps! I’m so tired of Sonja trying to act like she is the real life Samantha Jones from Sex & the City. Her sex life must really suck if she feels the need to be telling the whole world how great it is in every episode. She’s awful.

I am so over Sonya’s constant talk about sex. I’d bet money that she probably doesn’t get ANY. I thought her behavior at the march was appalling, and she’s just arrogant enough to not understand that. I’m not sure what some of you see in Luann, to me she’s just a stuckup bitch who acts like she’s got a corncob up her ass.

I am not so sure about the invite from Gucci to Kelly. While it wouldn’t be unheard of, and I wouldn’t be surprised given Kelly’s connections, I am not sure if she was indeed invited to this particular event by Gucci.

If she was and arrived, it would be rude for her to leave and not take the seat that would most certainly have been reserved for her. I also cannot imagine the “I am up here; you are down here” , Kelly, to show up and not sit for at least a bit of time, at a Gucci table. Remember, the other’s paid for a table. If you were invited by Gucci, you would most certainly sit at one of his tables. I also see Kelly saying “no, I am sitting at a Gucci table, no need to reorganise Ramona”. She would have loved saying that!!!

It irks me that a lot of people are commenting on Alex’s tits and body. So fucking what! I get that the dress isn’t everybody’s cup of tea but at least she takes risks and doesn’t rotate the same two dresses like the Cuntess.

I’m glad Alex is talking shit right back and aggravating those bitches like they aggravate me. Sonja used to be so cool last season. She sucks now.

That new toothy chick is gonna be on my shit list if she picks a fight with my Ramona.

As for Jill…she is some pathetic hag. I seriously believe she writes a script for herself every night for the next day. Every single move she makes is so planned out.