I met this guy and we've been dating for about a month. The first three weeks were actually pretty intense and moved quite quickly. Last week he eased up, and at the end of the week, we had a talk. He admited he wants to take it slow and that it was quite quick -- that he wants to enjoy the process of getting to know each other. He isn't seeing anyone else he says, and neither am I. He got out of a very long-term relationship (5+years), of which he was engaged. He called it off as she wanted to move back to her hometown halfway across the country, which she did. He says that she didn't understand the industry that he was in, that there were long hours and it was not very traditional, per se. But she was what he thought to be the love of his life.

Moving on...he says he doesn't want to make the same mistake. So he wants to take it slow. He also admitted having feelings for me. In the moment, I just figured, ok now i'll never hear from him. But I still do. Since our talk, I have gotten texts from him everyday, even though I know he is busy with work. When he's reached out, I responded, but kept it light and sweet. We made plans to see each other later this week when he is not consumed with work.

What does slow mean? I've never done it is the point I'm getting to. I guess it would be bad if I didn't hear from him at all...but Its just a little tough to be going 100 miles an hour to...slow. I'm trying to keep my distance and give him space...

Just curious what you think.
Hope you are well!
XO
Speed Challenged

Dear Speed Challenged!

Well, based on what you have said, I think it's perfectly natural for him to be gun-shy about jumping into a relationship. Being with someone for six years is a long time... and clearly, being engaged brings it to another level. I'm sure there were feelings of hurt, confusion, and resentment on many levels, and that's hard to let go of...

I think this is the battle of the heart and mind (what's new, right?). His heart thinks you are amazing and wants to move things forward, but his mind is saying "WTF... Remember how your heart f*cked you over last time? Do you really want that?"

What you're doing is fine. But I would just add that instead of consciously "keeping your distance" or "giving him space," just look at it as a time to focus on yourself. Focus on hobbies or passions that you love, but also be open with/to him. Let him know that you totally get it, and that you are down to see where this goes at its own pace. No rush. I think he will appreciate that you are understanding, while also respecting the fact that you have your own passions and interests... and that your life is not "on hold" because of him. Make sense?

BTW- Though he says he wants to go slow, I wouldn't be surprised if his heart speeds things up anyway. Saying that he wants to go slow (out loud) eases his mind since it's freaking out. But honestly, love will happen as it happens, regardless of what his mind says at the end of the day.

xoxo, Np.s. Listen to the acoustic version of "Give Your Heart a Break" by Demi Lovato. You can be the one to give his heart a break... without breaking his heart :)