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Should Writers Instead Just Be Birds? Thoughts on Submission Fees From the Editors of Barrelhouse

Should Writers Instead Just Be Birds? Thoughts on Submission Fees From the Editors of Barrelhouse

Introduction: This happens every now and then: an article or a blog post or a tweet about literary magazines and submission fees sets off a firestorm of tweets or Facebook posts or other blog posts about whether or not literary magazines should charge writers, why they should, why they shouldn’t, which ones do or don’t. In the latest iteration, the question somehow managed to bubble up to the top of the ecosystem when the Atlantic published Joy Lanzendorfer’s “Should Literary Journals Charge Writers Just to Read Their Work?” on October 25, 2015. Predictably, the article set off a thousand little fires in a thousand Twitter feeds. Predictably, the editors of Barrelhouse responded strongly in the negative. We took to Twitter, mostly to make each other laugh, but also to make a point. No, literary magazines should not charge writers just to read their work. Fuck no. Below we’ve taken these tweets and turned them into something we think mirrors the sense of this conversation. Enjoy, and remember that Barrelhouse is never afraid to ask the hard questions.

Should lit mags charge a nominal reading fee for submissions? Should lit mags rely on submission fees to survive? Should lit mags feel badly about charging money for receiving a file attachment? Should lit mags charge $3 or $5? Should lit mags rely on writers to provide both their contents and their revenue? Should lit mags feel entitled to always exist just because they want to?

Should lit mags require writers to co-sign on their small business loans just to read their work? Should lit mags require submitters to name them as designated beneficiaries in their wills? Should lit mags require writers to get neck tattoos of their URLs just to read their work? Should lit mags require writers to prove their Windows computers are updated with the latest version of Java just to read their work? Should lit mags require writers to provide proof of a body mass index between 18.5 and 24.9 just to read their work? Should lit mags require writers to prove they were always watching Beverly Hills 90210 ironically just to read their work? Should lit mags require writers to register with Draftkings or Fanduel just to read their work? Should lit mags require writers to submit receipts for Gathering of the Juggalos tickets just to read their work?

Should writers assign no value to their work? Should writers dress in business casual at the time of submission? Should writers do thirty minutes of cardio three days a week? Should writers be restricted from microwaving popcorn in shared office spaces? Should writers just stop writing and start buying scratch-off tickets instead? Should writers send a handwritten thank you note to editors along with payment? Should writers perform a jaunty song-and-dance routine upon an editor’s request? Should writers every now and then stop by the editor’s house and powerwash the editor’s vinyl siding? Should writers instead just be birds? Should writers dissolve into the atmosphere and just be grateful for those moments when editors breathe them in? Should writers linger in the editor’s lungs and cling to the cilia and never let go and become a part of the editor?

Should lit mags require submitters to maintain a lower natural hairline of upwards at least 3/4 inch and outward not greater than 3/4 inch? Should lit mags require authors to send a pint of blood when submitting? Should authors donate kidneys to lit mag editors, just in case? Should lit mags expect authors to sacrifice three healthy goats with their submissions? Should lit mags be allowed to smite at least one writer per month?

Should editors shed their exoskeletons before devouring the souls of aspiring writers? Should editors grow to five times their size and take on the form of a griffin? Should editors be allowed to breathe fire? Should editors print out all their submissions, burn them into ashes, and then snort the ashes? Should editors be granted the supernatural power to cause earthquakes and subsequently use this power at AWP to first rattle the walls, as a warning, but then to rend the floor of the convention center and swallow all who stand in their path?

Should lit mags actually be lawnmowers? Should lit mags run on gas or electric? Should lit mags be taken to the shop every spring for maintenance? Should lit mags just turn into donation jars? Should lit mags be used as insulation for your home? Should lit mags actually cost $100? Should lit mags remind writers of that time, in the past, before some of these writers were born, when it cost a couple bucks to mail things through the post office? Should lit mags use new technology in such a regressive way that they try to replicate the inconveniences of the outdated technology? Should lit mags justify their submission fees by complaining about how annoying it is to receive a lot of free submissions? Should lit mags run kickstarters to pay for the processing of submission fees? Should lit mags expect to continue to exist in perpetuity, because their vision is so singular and special and irreplaceable?

And finally a question to which the proper answer is actually YES:

Should lit mags require writers to reveal their favorite Patrick Swayze movie just to read their work?

Barrelhouse is a biannual print journal featuring fiction, poetry, interviews, and essays about music, art, and the detritus of popular culture. barrelhousemag.com