JOWST in 2017, which feels to me to
be the Norwegian equivalent of Daz Sampson, an upbeat middle aged man with
minimal talent performing a severely dated disaster. It's here

A highly peculiar Scandi poor pop
number from the land of the fjords in 2016. A bubble boy does little in
the background whilst a bride changes tempo more often than a F1 car. She's
called Agnete and sings "Icebreaker". Can't see this getting the
party started, but you can disagree here

More low key quality from the land
of the fjords in 2015. Morland & Debrah (why have one head of hair when
you can have three) Scarlett have a most beguiling duet ballard called "A
Monster Like Me". The key will be whether they can do it justice live,
but I like it regardless and wish it well. You can too here

All minimalist for Norway
in 2014, with the handyman Carl Espen and "Silent Scream", a deconstructed
ballard which is the strongest song of the year. I don't think we can have
another Nordic winner, but you may want to here

Margaret Berger is another to don
the lycra jumpsuit in 2013, with "I Feed you my Love". Certainly
a more appealing prospect in most regards and should perform strongly. You
decide here

Norway, never afraid to showcase their
integrated immigrants talents, and some would say because the ESC have an
Eastern host, have plumped for Tooji in 2012, an Iranian-born Norwegian
national with a sub-Saade gyrating experience. Top ten likely, but you can
judge for yourself here

"Haba Haba" says Stella
Mwangi in English and Swahili for Norway in 2011. Repeatedly. A deeply sentient
and sophisticated song about hard work reaping its own rewards. Or a song
that has "Haba haba hujaza kibaba" in it. Repeatedly. Draw your
own conclusions here

The
Tourist Guide says

"Imagine a country where nature is a majestic gift
to mankind. Imagine a country enjoying the abundance of nature. Accumulated
through thousands of years. You will discover a country, which is enchantingly
unique. Natural. Imagine a country where light and darkness intertwine.
Where seasons melt together in colours and crystals. Imagine a country
where the thawing snow gives way to blossom. Where sea and mountain unite.
Where nature is a precious gift to mankind. Discover a country where nature
creates art. Where you are invited to a life-fulfilling experience of
diversity.
Friendly, down-to-earth people, unique scenery, summer nights bright as
day and delightful snowy winters make Norway a very special country. In
summer, there are plenty of attractions and activities to keep you busy
- the unspoilt open country of the Sámi people in the north and
fjords, salmon fishing and festivals in the south.

Oslo

"Today's Oslo has more than 500.000 inhabitants.
Maybe not much compared to other European capital cities, but paradoxically,
it is one of the largest in size, covering an area of 175 square miles
consisting mostly of forest and arable land.
Oslo is also known for being a "City of contrasts and multitude".
Oslo surprises many visitors with its intimacy. Although Oslo is an international
capital it is only minutes from the city centre to the surrounding forests
and the fjord."

Norway is postponing the country's version of A levels - to give students
chance to sober up. Norwegian students typically celebrate the end of
their schooling with a two-week long party known as 'russ'. But they then
have to go back and take their final exams and many struggle after partying
too hard. The celebrations traditionally run from the start of May until
Norwegian independence day on May 17.
Education Minister Kristin Clemet said: "We welcome students celebrating
the end of 13 years of schooling but it is an advantage to separate the
exam from the celebrating, so that it doesn't disturb the preparations
and test itself."
Sofie Fuglesang, a member of the russ central board in Oslo, told Afteposten
newspaper the idea was "very cool".
The exams are now scheduled for the beginning of June.

A middle-aged
Norwegian woman was so angry at being arrested for drink driving that
she urinated in the police car.
The 54-year-old was arrested by police officers investigating complaints
of a noisy argument outside a shopping centre in Stord.
She had been arguing with a friend who had refused to let her have her
car keys to drive home because she was drunk. The row ended just before
the police arrived when the woman found her spare set of car keys and
drove off in her car.
Police caught up with the woman why they say had a bottle of spirits in
her hand when they pulled her over.
A police spokesman said the woman was so angry with the officers that
she urinated in the police car driving her to the station and again in
the police car park.

Norway
is postponing the country's version of A levels - to give students chance
to sober up. Norwegian students typically celebrate the end of their schooling
with a two-week long party known as 'russ'. But they then have to go back
and take their final exams and many struggle after partying too hard.
The celebrations traditionally run from the start of May until Norwegian
independence day on May 17.
Education Minister Kristin Clemet said: "We welcome students celebrating
the end of 13 years of schooling but it is an advantage to separate the
exam from the celebrating, so that it doesn't disturb the preparations
and test itself."
Sofie Fuglesang, a member of the russ central board in Oslo, told Afteposten
newspaper the idea was "very cool".
The exams are now scheduled for the beginning of June.

to
come

A Norwegian footballer has agreed
to put back his retirement after a local club promised him as much pizza
as he could eat.
Striker Bård Erik Olsen, 32, was planning to hang up his boots to
spend more time with his daughter.
He had eight years experience with Norwegian second division club Sprint-Jeløy,
as well as a stint with former top division club Moss.But fifth division
club Tronvik was looking for a power striker and tempted Olsen to delay
his retirement.
Club spokesman Kjetil Jensen said: "For a few years we've tempted
Bård Erik to Tronvik and said he could eat as much pizza as he wanted.
Now that we have a chance we'll keep our word."
"I can't just completely cut out football all of a sudden, so I am
glad that Tronvik want me," Olsen said.
Norway's lower division teams have made headlines for odd contracts before
with one player being sold for his weight in prawns.
---
Experts say a reported UFO sighting in Norway was probably an electrocuted
cat.
People in Lardal reported seeing a fire ball explode in the night sky
and fall slowly down to earth.
But investigators think they've solved the mystery after the charred body
of a cat was found at the foot of an electrical mast.
They believe the unlucky cat climbed up the mast and touched a live wire.
---
Norwegian punters have reportedly become so fed up with not getting what
they expected from the country's prostitutes that they have started rating
them online. A local newspaper has surveyed a number of sites including
one where prostitutes are given ratings from 1 to 6 and organised geographically.
Other features include a search engine for checking ratings, illegal ads
for sex toys, and a discussion forum where prostitutes and clients can
discuss how business should be conducted.
---
Two Norwegian journalists have been given police protection after publishing
an article on how to get sex from Muslim women. It comes after a man who
shares the same name as writer Bård Torgersen was beaten by a gang
of 15 Asian youths outside his flat. Both Torgersen and Gaute Drevdal,
editor of Natt & Dag which published the article, have now b
een given police protection. They have also apologised for using text
from the Koran to illustrate the piece, entitled Natt & Dag's guide
to getting sex from Muslims.

Animal
rights activists are furious after a Norwegian comedian attached an engine
to a dead pig and used it as a boat. Kristopher Schau and his colleagues
also tried blowing up rats and hamsters with helium to make what they called
"organic balloons". The animals exploded and the remains splattered
over the audience at the Quart Festival in Kristiansand.
"I feel angry but maybe most of all sad. I think it is terribly sad
watching people being entertained by such a thing," said Ragnar Ommundsen.
The Norwegian animal rights organisation sent in a complaint. But the comedian
was unrepentant: "If they have problems with this, they should attack
children who play with their food as well" he said.