I’ve been getting a higher than usual number of comments recently suggesting that my Leggings Are Not Pants belief is born of jealousy and size instead of faith in fabrics other than spandex.

Let me just clarify that here and now. I do not think that leggings are pants because they are not pants (holy tautology, Batman). They are workout gear, or something to be worn under a dress or a tunic. They are not actual pants. If something being worn as pants is so skintight you have a camel toe, they are not pants. Also, I don’t care if you are a size 2 or 32, people probably don’t actually WANT to be able to guess your measurements. And I’m going to expand that statement out–any leg covering clothing solution that is so skin-tight you get a camel toe is not a good decision.

All of this can be backed up by the following picture of three girls all wearing leggings as pants and all looking ridiculous.

The first time I ever heard the words “toilet paper” regarding a wedding dress was a few years ago and in the form of a complaint, right around the time when frothy organza ruffles were first starting to be really in. There was one that had these really interesting long lines of organza that I REALLY liked and my coworker at the time REALLY did not. I said it was interesting and in-the-moment, she said it looked like toilet paper.

But now, thanks to things like Project Runway and do-it-yourself! projects of the sort, we now have an actual wedding dress made from actual toilet paper. I am distressed, and I really, really wish it looked more like what my coworker was complaining about.

As far as I can tell, there are good and bad things about that. Music was a lot better (Led Zepplin, Pink Floyd, The Who, etc.), but fashion was a lot worse. Fewer people wore leggings as pants, but you had to be blonde and skinny to be beautiful (so not that much different, I suppose).

Vanessa Hudgens seems to think it is somewhere between 1969 and 1975, and that makes me sad inside.

?Well, we made it through the Met gala (you know we made it through). I never knew how lost I was….?

Sorry. Madonna references are ridiculous.

Anyway, I found the whole experience a bit confusing since the theme was so out there. It threw off my judgment, since I was sitting there thinking, “Okay, well done!” for looks I would normally outright DESPISE. I would not typically be on board with Lily Cole in weird plastic looking Vivienne Westwood or Miley Cyrus’s all-fishnet, spikey hair look. I feel like I’m a bit out of whack.