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There have been a few threads concerning romance and online dating and it made me wonder - how do we define romance? I thought it would be interesting to put the question out there and see what most people think romance is.

I'll start off with my definition... In my opinion, it's NOT presents and cards and flowers - basically it's not anything you can buy someone unless you buy someone the absolutely perfect gift - something that you know is meaningful to them.

I think that real romance is found in actions. For example, caring about what the person has to say, not just listening but being interested and stimulated by their thoughts and opinions. It's being loyal and being there for someone when they are down, or when they need help in some way. It can be something as simple as a smile at the right time, or a touch on the arm, a gesture that shows that you care.

I can't "define" it...but I can give an example. I was dating someone just after my divorce, and I told him that when I was married, I never felt I was the smartest, or prettiest, or good enough ...no matter how hard I tried. That Christmas, he presented me with a small crystal heart dish with "est" engraved on the top. Inside was a tiny scroll of paper. On the paper was written "Prettiest Funniest Sexiest Smartest Nicest Loviest Bravest Kindest Person I know" And for a small space of time...I was his "est". He listened with his heart..and responed with the same.

I can't "define" it...but I can give an example.I was dating someone just after my divorce, and I told him that when I was married, I never felt I was the smartest, or prettiest, or good enough ...no matter how hard I tried. That Christmas, he presented me with a small crystal heart dish with "est" engraved on the top. Inside was a tiny scroll of paper. On the paper was written "Prettiest Funniest Sexiest Smartest Nicest Loviest Bravest Kindest Person I know" And for a small space of time...I was his "est". He listened with his heart..and responed with the same.

Oh wow, itsonlyaname24, I usually don't 'get it' but that is pretty amazing.

There could be a number of definitions, but I think I would have to go with the little things you do for each other with out being asked, but most of all giving someone a soft place to fall when they have a rough day.

A stark in time when one’s heart see the wonder in that special person who will out shine the brightest star in the sky. Who's emotional bond washes over one’s soul with the sweet wetness of the mighty oceans. Who stands the test of time like the mountains of mother earth. It is neither place or time but only that moment in which when we hold our dearest and our special “someone” with dear life and love....

I think that real romance is found in actions. For example, caring about what the person has to say, not just listening but being interested and stimulated by their thoughts and opinions. It's being loyal and being there for someone when they are down, or when they need help in some way. It can be something as simple as a smile at the right time, or a touch on the arm, a gesture that shows that you care.

While I think what you have described is absolutely crucial to a healthy relationship, I view these gestures as more of an “affording of consideration” to your mate; expressions of kindness, respect, thoughtfulness and caring; rather than behavior that is romantic in nature.

IMO, romance is another essential ingredient of a healthy and happy relationship. So many, once they have found one another, fall into a sense of complacency and dull routine; schedules, kids, work, errands, chores, et al, slowly overshadow the courting and dating that each so enjoyed when the relationship was new. Romance can come in many forms; it is merely a tool with which to tend the sexual fires of your relationship; romance is nurturing the ongoing love affair you have with one another.

For me it's all about the experience of being romantic and being a good provider of romance not just a provider of money. I leave little sexy hidden notes or whenever I would introduce her to someone I would always put my hand in the small of her back. If she had a tough week I'd make an appointment at a spa and run her errands for the day. Even silly things like spelling "happy birthday" in the front yard with the lawnmower.

While I think what you have described is absolutely crucial to a healthy relationship, I view these gestures as more of an “affording of consideration” to your mate; expressions of kindness, respect, thoughtfulness and caring; rather than behavior that is romantic in nature.

It's nice how you taken that to a more personal level in the mix of things.

Romance can come in many forms; it is merely a tool with which to tend the sexual fires of your relationship; romance is nurturing the ongoing love affair you have with one another.

Complacency is the down fall of man.

And romance is spoon that stirs the love. And takes all your senses and then some, nurturing together, merrily along....

It's skipping through a green lovely meadow on a warm sunny day with me carrying a big mince meat pie. She has the vanilla ice cream. We find a warm comfortable spot and gobble down all of the pie and ice cream. Then we have sex in the bushes!

The most romantic moment I've ever experienced - my partner-to-be and I were newly dating... we decided to go to a popular tourist area and just walk the streets and talk... nothing fancy, nor expensive, just a nice atmosphere to talk. Well we talked for hours... then it unexpectedly started to rain. I got to watch this man fall in love with me right before my eyes. (most women don't ever get to see such a transformation). And I couldn't have been more vulnerable, looking like a wet rat. We hadn't had sex yet, but I would have at that very moment.

But we didn't plan a romantic event... we just planned time together.. and the romance happened on its own. Also, we had the same views about what was romantic.

Is it not one's deep emotional desires to connect with another person"...

it is merely a tool with which to tend the sexual fires of your relationship; romance is nurturing the ongoing love affair you have with one another...

it's skipping through a green lovely meadow on a warm sunny day with me carrying a big mince meat pie. She has the vanilla ice cream. We find a warm comfortable spot and gobble down all of the pie and ice cream. Then we have sex in the bushes!

I would like to open this up a little further...

Do any of you find a difference in how men, women, or people in general view romance "sexually"

I've had many discussions with guys who, when asked what they think is romantic, on the surface they will say the generic... flowers, cards, meal, etc. (their politically correct statement) But when you dig a little deeper, they reveal that what they REALLY think is romantic is sex. They equate romance WITH sex. Or things/activities that immediately precede sex, i.e. erotic massage, negligee, foreplay. I find these things very sexy, yes, but not very romantic.

But for me... romance is the moments, non-sexual moments, that make me want to partner up, bond, and have sex.

I would like to know what others have seen/ think about this.

It sort of goes along with my previous post about having the same views about what is romantic and what is not.

It's not a specific thing, it's more of a feeling, or maybe a form of communication that goes back and forth between two people. Something unspoken and delicate that can be shared no matter if you are canoing together, cooking together, sharing massages or silent looks or playing touch football - whatever. It's a delicate communication that goes both ways and can be oh so delicious. That - to me - is romance.

It's true romance is not about gifts that are given no it's about doing something special for that certain someone and showing them your true feelings and how much you care. The power of romance is not something given selfishly but something that is given of the heart.So many have forgotton what true romance is all about , It's not just SEX !!!! It's more than that it's a very special inner feeling you get with that someone that has all your attentions and your heart.

It's so romantic just to sit outside and gaze up at the stars and having your mate point that out to you. Little things means a lot but giving of you time and heart is to me what romance is all about communicating and sharing quailty time with someone that makes you smile or you have that certain chemistry with and really want to create some sparks.

Romance can be anything be it dinner for two or stroll in the park on a long summers night or just a kiss at the door and tender good night. Having that nice romantic evening where you stay in for the night and well we all know what the birds and the bees is all about .

Everything called love , that to me is romance and something that is shared by two whos hearts connect as one!Romance is not something to be taken advantage of but is something that is given by two and such a special time.

Great Topic thank you for posting it!

Happy Summer Everyone this is a romantic time of year enjoying that cool summer evening with the one you love and the look in there eyes and fireworks in your heart that is bursting.

Yours,BrennyHere's to good old fashioned Romance may it never end let's hope others feel the same way we do and that they know what real passion and romance is!

Romance is what you feel when you are with the one you love and they are returning that love to you with all the passion they feel towards you. It is coming home all dirty from a hard day at work and having your lover take your clothes off , jump in the shower with you and scrub your back for you. It is looking into your lovers eyes and seeing love and desire being directed at you like a solar flare. It is having an orgasim at the same time.

Mary Ann I like how you think,some of your thoughts border friendship.I once read Friends make the best lovers.I believe that with my soul.I also recently read on a POF's profile Friends on Fire is a definition of Love.Romance in early times consisted of mostly actions as you mentioned and gifts to enhance those actions.I would say in todays era,romance is communicating to that special someone how much you care about them.How important they are to you and how important their opinion's and feelings matter to you.Simple gestures like comments about their events or desires,but I think also little tokens or gifts.A simple card you made yourself.Candles around a already drawn bath when they get home.Notes left for them to find during a days events.Romance for me is always doing something to surprise my partner and create closeness between us.