It's an ongoing quest.

October 15, 2016

10/14/16

Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. I’m OK. I am a little upset. It’s over between us. She didn’t say that. I am just removing myself. Perhaps I am just too sensitive, but here is the situation. She loved my photos, so she asked me to shoot her parties all the time, so I did. Things were fine for a while she even said things like:

These parties are perfect for you. There are titties and ass all over the place. I know you love this kind of stuff.

She was right. I do. I was enjoying myself, completely. I got suspicious when I was going to take a photo of her girlfriend dancing the other day and she told me not to because I take too many photos of her girlfriend’s butt. We were talking on facebook some days later, and she told me that I took a lot of photos of her dragqueen friend’s ass. I recently changed my profile photo, and she commented:

slow down on the butt pics, bro lol

This tells me that she is not comfortable with me anymore. Whether she is or not, it tells me that we’re not on the same page. So I decided to quit coming to her parties even if she ask. I suspect that there have been friends of her whispering in her ear about me. One of the girls wasn’t comfortable with me, and I know she is the main one who probably may have said something like. “why does he take so many photos of your girlfriend’s butt?” I remember catching her giving me a dirty look when I got done taking a photo of that girl’s butt. She gave me dirty and suspicious looks all the time. She didn’t even want me talking to her boyfriend. She is weird.

Anyways, I have to find my next Journey. I think I will leave the local parties alone and just focus on festivals for a while. There are so many other parties that I haven’t been to in a while because of them. I will figure something out. I don’t think that party would have brought me success so there is nothing lost there.

Other than that stuff things have been fine. I still have been meditating. I made it to the meditation center, yesterday. I don’t talk to people there. I only go to maybe here a lecture and to meditate. I’m just not ready to interact with people really. I don’t go to shoot the shit and make friends. I’m also surprised to find out that a lot of people who go to the meditation center do not meditate at home on a regular basis. Most people find it hard to get into the habit and meditate for 20 minutes a day, so I am blessed to have the discipline to do that. I enjoy it. I’m going to slowly work my way up to 40 minutes a day.

I’ve been taking this bee pollen. Are the health benefits a myth? I can never tell if a supplement is actually working for me.

Last but not least, I have been thinking about the girls I have been shooting with. Are they uncomfortable after doing a shoot like that with me or is it because I told them that I may use the images for a book? Non of them respond with “thank you” after I send the photos and none of them post the photos anywhere. Why is that?