Happiness Hack 4: Develop a Growth Mindset.

Whether you think you can or you can’t – chances are you’re right. A growth mindset can make for a bigger life – and make you happier!

I want you to think about the last time that you started something new. Maybe it came easily to you. You quickly grasped what was required, congratulated yourself and moved on to the next thing. Or maybe it was a struggle. Obstacle after obstacle presented itself, and in the end you gave up. Clearly you were never meant to be a good teacher / cook / insert noun of choice.

Have you ever lifted weights? Too light, and you could do 100 reps and it still wouldn’t build any muscle. Too heavy and you wouldn’t be able to get them off the ground. The weights are an analogy for the scenarios above- the light weights are the things that come super easily and the heavy ones are so hard you give up without getting anywhere. You need to have just the right weight so that you have to push yourself to lift them. But when you try, when you give it your best effort, you can do it. That’s when you grow.

And that’s where the problem often lies. We haven’t developed the right relationship with effort. Maybe our parents and our teachers said things like “she’s naturally talented at this”, or “she was born this way”, or “she just doesn’t have a math brain- I’m the same.” And we were told that if we had to put in effort, if we didn’t get it easily and fast, we weren’t at the same level as those who did it “naturally.” We were somehow inferior.

And what was the result of this?

Well, if we believed that hard work meant that we looked like we couldn’t cope, that we were dumb, why then we stopped trying at things that might make us look less than perfect. And so we cut a lot of things from our lives, which became smaller as a result.

And those things that we believed we just didn’t have the natural ability for, we either never started or quickly stopped. For example, for many years, I believed that being academic and being sporty were polar opposites, and that all my skills and abilities had lodged firmly on the academic side. When people asked if I played any sports, I told them the story of how I played netball as a 9 year old and was in the F netball team- and that the teams were ordered by ability and started with A. A, B, C, D, E, F…. that’s a lot of teams. So I ditched the netball and focused on what I was good at instead- school.

If you think about it, it’s a pretty terrible thing if someone gives up something at that tender age. I wonder now, did I ever stop to think about how long some of the other students may have been playing and how that might have influenced my position? And although being a top netballer was probably never in the cards (because yes genes do play some role), I could have got good enough to enjoy playing through school, and even socially as an adult.

Here’s the beautiful thing though- it’s not true. It’s not true that natural ability is the be-all and end-all. It’s not even half of what it takes to be successful in any particular endeavor. Your skills, abilities and even intelligence can grow and change – but it starts with you. You have to move away from the above way of thinking, which is what Carol Dweck calls a “fixed mindset” into a “growth mindset.”

According to Dweck, having a growth mindset means that you believe that through your dedication and your hard work you can get better in any and all things. As a result, you love the process of learning, because it doesn’t bring up feelings of inadequacy or shame. Instead it presents itself as a series of challenges that you know that you are capable of overcoming. And when you make a mistake, you don’t perceive yourself as a failure. Instead you rethink your approach and start again. You become more persistent and also more resilient.

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So how does a growth mindset make you happier?

Well first of all, you’re not beating yourself up when you don’t get something right

Have you ever told yourself you’re a failure, you just don’t get it or that you’re stupid? Not the most conducive thoughts to be having if you want to be happy, are they? With a growth mindset, you will be able to kick these feelings to the curb.

Secondly, the confidence and pride you feel in yourself as you try more and succeed at more will enhance your self-esteem

Thirdly, your world becomes so much bigger

I can think of three specific things in which my world has become bigger since I embraced a growth mindset.

Firstly, cooking. It’s no surprise to anyone that I used to suck at cooking, and consequently hated it. However after my husband started talking about how great my cooking was, and expressing his appreciation for every meal, I started to believe that actually I could cook. Then I started to push myself further and further into trying new things. The other day, I had had a super busy day, and was about to prepare a complex meal. I suddenly realized that I was enjoying the thought of cooking because I knew it would be absorbing, and that I’d lose myself in the task. This was a far cry from the woman who used to get stressed out by the thought of preparing dinner. The other win side is the family, who get more interesting and delicious meals than before. I even hosted Christmas dinner last year!

Secondly, running. Several years ago, still firmly believing that I could not do anything physical, my husband, brother, sister and stepmother ran in a 10km event, while my father and I watched. As they all came over the finish line I thought to myself – I want to be able to do this. Just over one year later, I was running my own 10km event. I’m now entered into a half-marathon for October. Running is physically good for me, has helped me shift persistent weight, brings a calmness and stillness to my life and has also helped develop and strengthen connections with people. For example, my husband and I always run together, and I now have another thing to talk about when I’m faced with the awkward small talk convo at parties. This is something I wouldn’t have tried if I hadn’t opened myself to the possibility.

The third is blogging. I love blogging, but wow is it complicated. There’s so much technical stuff to come to terms with, especially when you first set up your site. Then there’s things like designing graphics or taking photos for your posts, mastering social media, SEO, growing your list, monetizing… I haven’t even written the actual research and writing of your posts and newsletters, not to mention opt-ins and courses…. I think that if I hadn’t had a growth mindset when I started this journey that I could have just put this in the too-hard basket. But blogging is so satisfying for me, and has really given me a purpose and focus. I don’t know what I would be doing without it.

I think you can see how all these things would make you happier, right?

Now, if this was an infomercial, right now you’d be saying, so how do I get one of these? And I’d be telling you that you could buy a growth mindset for just 6 easy payments of $99.99. Luckily for you though, it isn’t and I won’t.

Here’s how you develop a growth mindset

Commit to change

That thing you’ve always wanted to try but think that you possibly couldn’t? Start by committing to the idea that you can and you will!

Change your self-talk

Replace “I can’t do this” with “I can’t do this yet,” or “I can do this; I just don’t know how to do it yet.” When you doubt what you’re trying then repeat this mantra to yourself. Go make a cup of tea or coffee, drink it, then put your shoulders back and give it another go.

Find the strategies

Remember that saying, if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again? Remember also that trying the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity? So the takeaway from both of these clichés is that don’t give up, but don’t keep trying the same method.

Maybe you’re learning how to knit, so you go to You tube and search how to cast on. You watch one video, but you just don’t get it. That’s okay, just go to the next one and watch that. If that still doesn’t work, ask your friends or family if they can watch you and give you advice. Eventually you will find the method that works for you that enables you to move forward.

Get some help

Depending on what you’re doing, I advise taking a course from someone respected in the field you want to get into, or actively finding a coach or a mentor. You don’t know what you don’t know, right? You also don’t know exactly what is right or wrong about your technique- this person will guide you and support you, correct your mistakes and enhance your performance.

Never give up

If it’s something you really want, don’t stop until you either have it, or you don’t want it any more! Keep repeating steps 1-3 until it clicks and you make progress. Accept that putting in a large amount of effort is not only required but desired.

So cast your mind back to the beginning of this article, when we talked about struggling with new things. Now equipped with my five point strategy, you’d be amazed what you can achieve. Just imagine, those things you’ve dreamed of being able to do? You’re on the right path to get them. It just starts with effort.

I’d love to hear about those things you never thought you could do that you’re going to give a try now. Let me know in the comments!

P.S If you want to know more about mindset, I recommend Dweck’s book onMindset: The New Psychology of Success. It has advice not only for you personally, but also as a parent and as a coach. Check it out!

A better life in five days

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Comments

I just read this for the second time. This feels like one of those rare, life-changing articles that I was “supposed to read.” It made me wonder about all the things I haven’t pursued because I’m not naturally good at them (even though I enjoy some of them). Thanks for opening up my world!

Literally had to bookmark it as soon as I got in half-way (not to lose it and share it with others). THANK YOU so much for this article and all the tips and thoughts. It’s amazing what a growth mindset can do for us. Talk about achieving those goals and enjoying ourselves in the process. I love the 3 examples you provided. I used to be absolutely horrendous at cooking. Couldn’t fry an egg to save my life haha. Now I make meals and my heart is so happy whenever my husband comments on how much he’s enjoyed them. It motivates me to do more (and better)!! 🙂 As for blogging… oh wow, it’s a MASSIVE massive field and those people who think that it’s just about writing something or taking a pretty picture are so wrong. But! We are loving what we do, and that’s the main thing. Growing while doing it as well 🙂
xox Nadiahttp://www.mielandmint.com

I am so glad you got something out of this post, and I really appreciate the kind words- just like your husband praising you on your cooking (we are so similar), your praise is encouraging and motivating! Heading off to check out your blog!

Leah, I am also a teacher and I am currently implementing growth mindset programs in my classroom. If you go to mindsetworks.com, (we are paying for their student and their educator programs), you will see they have a parent program. This isn’t an affiliate link and I don’t know how good it is, but you could always look into this if you wanted to help your older children. You can also just focus on your praise being effort related – eg “I really like how you persisted with this problem.” “That was hard but you didn’t give up.” All the best!

I think changing your self talk can honestly make all of the difference. I really needed to read this today, thank you for sharing such inspiring posts! I found your blog on the Bloggers Facebook group and am so glad I did! Have a wonderful week xx

Wow, Kate great post. I was thinking about my oldest son, who’s 14, recently telling me he was “bad at History and Language​ Arts classes.” I told him that he might have to work a little harder at those subjects but he could definitely get better. Guess I was giving him the right growth mindset without even knowing it!!

I would say that I have a growth mindset, since reading the book “The Magic of Thinking Big”. That was two years ago now, and I’m changed person. I do things that I’m not good at, like jumping exercises, blogging, because I do believe that I will be good at it, by practicing. Plus I tell my children all the time that they can do things, whatever they want, if they just told themselves they could, instead of the persistent “I can’t do it” attitude.
This is a great post, and I love the layout of your blog. It’s really pretty.

Fabulous post! As a primary school teacher, I’m aware of how important a growth mindset is. We’ve done quite a bit of staff development on it over the last couple of years so that we can implement strategies to encourage it in our students. Learning all about it and reading lots of articles and Carol Dweck’s book + research has also been a change maker in my life. You have a lovely website!

Thanks Linda! I am also a teacher and working hard on instilling a growth mindset in students as well- I think it’s one of the most important things we can do in education. And thanks for the compliment!

Can anybody tell me- why having a growth mindset is so important? Well, the most agreeable answer is- by having a growth mindset, you can keep your confidence level high, develop an infinite appetite for learning, take failures as the temporary pieces of bad luck, unearth your passion and purpose of your life, and also commit to becoming proficient in valuable expertise. Also, by developing a growth mindset, you can improve your tie-ups, self-regard, and enjoy your life at all state of affairs. In other words, I can say that a growth mindset is a secret to a happier life. So, develop a growth mental make-up by valuing the approach over the after-effect so that you can your life to the fullest.