Tag Archives: Microsoft

Microsoft, as a company, moves very slowly. Ballmer is trying to change this with the recent reorganization, but we won’t see the fruits of this for quite a while. Once Microsoft goes all in, it’s in for the long haul because it can’t correct its course fast enough. “Touch first” – which begat Windows 8 and the Surface – was the wrong move. That ship has sailed. The question now is how long it’ll take for Microsoft to get back on the right course.

Just a quick tip for anyone having issues viewing PDFs on a Kindle 3. I noticed that some pages just went missing (were shown as blank on the Kindle) even though I could view them fine on my Mac. If you are having this issue, one way to fix it is using Mac’s Preview application. I found that just making a change – such as inserting an extra page then removing it again – and re-saving the PDF fixed the issue. No problems with PDFs on the Kindle now.

No idea why it works, it just does. May have something to do with this but I don’t have Adobe Acrobat on my Mac and the process seemed quite tedious (although it may not be, I have no idea) so I didn’t try it. Worth a try if you are on Windows I guess.

C++
You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical care is impossible since you can’t tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, “That’s me over there.”

FORTRAN
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception handling ability.

Cobol
USE HANDGUN.COLT(45), AIM AT LEG.FOOT, THEN WITH ARM.HAND.FINGER ON HANDGUN.COLT(TRIGGER) PERFORM.SQUEEZE RETURN HANDGUN.COLT(45) TO HIP.HOLSTER.

LISP
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds…

Basic (interpreted)
You shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol until your foot is waterlogged and rots off.

Basic (compiled)
You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher.

Pascal
The compiler won’t let you shoot yourself in the foot.

Apple
We’ll let you shoot yourself, but it’ll cost you a bundle.

IBM
You insert a clip into the gun, wait half an hour, and it goes off in random directions. If a bullet hits your foot, you’re lucky.

Microsoft
Object “Foot” will be included in the next release. You can upgrade for $500.

Cray
I knew you were going to shoot yourself in the foot.

Hewlett-Packard
You can use this machine-gun to shoot yourself in the foot, but the firing pin is broken.

NeXT
We don’t sell guns anymore, just ammunition.

Sun
Just as soon as Solaris gets here, you can shoot yourself anywhere you want.

Assembler
You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover you must first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot.

csh
After searching the manual until your foot falls asleep, you shoot the computer and switch to C.