Monday, May 3, 2010

Remakes I Wouldn't Mind

In case you've been living under a rock, the remake of "A Nightmare on Elm Street" took the top spot in the box office this weekend. I haven't seen it, and I won't see it either, as it doesn't really interest me. Instead of bitching about the fact that everybody has been doing remakes of horror movies lately, let's instead look at some movies that could be remade that would only piss off 5 people instead of hundreds or thousands

Body Melt

An offbeat Aussie horror comedy with plenty of gore and outrageous moments, "Body Melt" is in the end too hurt by it's episodic nature and at times schizophrenic tone. A more grounded remake done as a splatter comedy instead of a hallucinatory mind fuck would be pretty good.

Carnosaur

An adaptation in name only of Harry Adam Knight's splatter-horror novel about a mad scientist who plans to bring back dinosaurs to wipe out humanity, it would help if "Carnosaur" were to be given a more faithful treatment-with better effects and maybe even 3D. Just be sure to bring back Clint Howard.

Frozen Scream

Not even available on DVD in the US, "Scream" boasts an interesting premise (frozen zombies controlled via computer) that's hampered by amateurish production values and an inability to live up to said premise. A more competent, more fleshed out remake would be fine.

Nightwing

A little known 70's adaptation of the Martin Cruz Smith novel about a flock of bats carrying a plague is hurt by dull characters and a lack of any real suspense. A remake with a better script wouldn't hurt.

Madman

Though a cult favorite, I was never really a fan of "Madman"-itself a "Friday the 13th" rip off with a few stand out moments hurt by plenty of tedium. A remake would piss off some, but not me.

Rawhead Rex

A Clive Barker adaptation that the author hated (and which was in itself a pretty bad movie) that pretty much ruins the short story it is based on. A remake kinda makes sense.

Curse of the Screaming Dead

The idea is great-Confederate Soldier Zombies-but the execution is absolutely awful. A better written and directed remake with a somewhat bigger budget (under $1 Million) could be great, especially if it was done in a similar way that Italian Zombie movies were done.

Nail Gun Massacre

The original is one of the worst slasher movies of the 80's. I wouldn't exactly clamor for a remake, but there is no way it could be worse than the original.

Killer Party

A rather forgettable slasher movie that ends up becoming a poor man's "Night of the Demons", "Killer Party" being remade would be alright with me.

The Thirsty Dead

A completely uninteresting Philippine exploitation film from the 70's is a vampire movie with no bite. I doubt anyone would scream bloody murder over this being remade. Hell, with a better budget and more going on, it could be fun.

About Me

A Wright State University Graduate, Joseph Howell has been an avid horror fan since he was seven or eight years old-he has Godzilla movies to thank for that. He's now devoted some of his time to watching (and at times suffering through) horror and exploitation fair to review for your reading pleasure. Oh, and he loves Cherry Coke Zero, and he recommends eating popcorn while watching older genre movies.