This may be our last 4th of July ever because ZE WUHRLD IS ENDING IN FIVE MONTHS!!! OH NOES!!

Happy Someone-Out-There-Is-Going-To-Put-A-Firecracker-Up-Their-***-And-Try-And-Light-It-From-Their-Cornhole Day!Show your appreciation to our forefathers and light a firecracker from your bum. Have one of your friends videotape it and post it to Utoob!! throw some firecrackers on the ground or your neighbor's gutter!! Stt a fire in a trashcan and kick it over! START MAD CHAOS EVERYWHERE IN THE NAME OF FREEDOM!!!!! FREEDOM, DAMNIT!! THEY TOOK OUR JOBS!!!

I'm only kidding. I'm being facetious and feel very dry today. And not because the weather is sucking the moisture out of my skin. (ba-da-ding!) Hapy Independence Day, y'all. Barbeque some birds and blow **** up. Make pretty colors in the sky. Post some pics of your brisket here because, ya know, brisket is ****ing awesome.

EDIT: WOW. I can't spell for anything!! The American Education System has PHAILED ME!!! Dredd, Kris, someone with gween powah, please, for the love of English teachers and experts everywhere, FIX IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have you ever wondered what happened to the 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence?

Five signers were captured by the British as traitors and tortured before they died.

Twelve had their homes ransacked and burned.

Two lost their sons serving in the Revolutionary Army, another had two sons captured.

Nine of the 56 fought and died from wounds or hardships of the Revolutionary War.

They signed and they pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor.

What kind of men were they?

Twenty-four were lawyers and jurists. Eleven were merchants, nine were farmers and large plantation owners; men of means, well educated. But they signed the Declaration of Independence knowing full well that the penalty would be death if they were captured.

Carter Braxton of Virginia, a wealthy planter and trader, saw his ships swept from the seas by the British Navy. He sold his home and properties to pay his debts, and died in rags.

Thomas McKeam was so hounded by the British that he was forced to move his family almost constantly. He served in the Congress without pay, and his family was kept in hiding. His possessions were taken from him, and poverty was his reward.

At the battle of Yorktown, Thomas Nelson, Jr., noted that the British General Cornwallis had taken over the Nelson home for his headquarters. He quietly urged General George Washington to open fire. The home was destroyed, and Nelson died bankrupt.

Francis Lewis had his home and properties destroyed. The enemy jailed his wife, and she died within a few months.

John Hart was driven from his wife's bedside as she was dying. Their 13 children fled for their lives. His fields and his gristmill were laid to waste. For more than a year, he lived in forests and caves, returning home to find his wife dead and his children vanished. A few weeks later, he died from exhaustion and a broken heart.

Norris and Livingston suffered similar fates.

Such were the stories and sacrifices of the American Revolution. These were not wild-eyed, rabble-rousing ruffians. They were soft-spoken men of means and education. They had security, but they valued liberty more.

Standing talk straight, and unwavering, they pledged: "For the support of this declaration, with firm reliance on the protection of the divine providence, we mutually pledge to each other, our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor."

They gave you and me a free and independent America. The history books never told you a lot about what happened in the Revolutionary War. We didn't fight just the British. We were British subjects at that time and we fought our own government!

Some of us take these liberties so much for granted, but we shouldn't.

So, take a few minutes while enjoying your 4th of July Holiday and silently thank these patriots. It's not much to ask for the price they paid. Remember: Freedom is never free!

I hope you will show your support by please sending this to as many people as you can. It's time we get the word out that patriotism is NOT a sin, and the Fourth of July has more to it than beer, picnics, and baseball games.

I dunno. He IS anti-Christmas, but they also have hints of class warfare in there. the whos (that spelling is weird) might be pleebs and the grinch could be the ebil rich guy who lives above them.

So you could say the story is a pro-religion story, or you could say it's a spread the wealth liberal story. I'd say, while you're dead on about the lorax being a purposeful story about protecting our forests, the grinch is significantly less politicized. I mean the left and right are both "generous" in their own heads. The right by supporting private charities and the left by supporting "spread the wealth" policies. You can and I'm sure will argue that the left's generosity is fake, but it's not fake to them.

Anyway, you missed the opportunity to correct me on heart sizes. I think it was 2 sizes.