His Hilarious Answers To Marriage Counseling Questions

Monday, September 5, 2016

Roger and I are working on our 17th year of marriage. We were married just before my eighteenth birthday and this is NOT something I recommend for anyone else. Roger and I are “special,” for lack of a better phrase. I wouldn't change when we were married, how we were married, or any of the ups and downs that have come along the way. We've grown up together.

We have grown together.

So, tonight, in honor of this daily blogging challenge, I decided to ask Roger a list of questions they supposedly ask in marriage counseling (we’ve never attended). He just said, “We don’t need marriage counseling.”

“I know,” I answered back.

“Yeah, but if you ask me these questions, we might.”

And I laughed.

Here we go!

1. What issues are most important?Roger: I need further guidance. Gia: *Blinks and shrugs*Roger: Uh…justice would be the first one.Gia: I think, within our marriage.Roger: Oh. Ahhhh…I have no *censored* clue. Um, love and trust and baked goods.Gia: I don’t bake goods. *rolls eyes* Next question.

2. What are OUR biggest issues to work on?Roger:*wiggles eyebrows*Gia:*sigh*Roger: What would you say?Gia:*tightens lips*Roger: Controlling our tempers.Gia: That works. Next question.

3. Do You Want A Divorce?Roger: Yeeeessss. Duh.Gia: *scowl*Roger: ...So I can marry you all over again. Gia:*scowls some more*Roger: I would just stab you if I wanted to get rid of you.Gia: …..Roger: Why aren’t you asking you these questions?Gia: I’m the writer.Roger: That’s not fair.Gia: Next question.

4. Are We Going Through A Bad Phase?Roger:*Laughs out loud* *Keeps laughing. *Still Laughing*Gia: Well?Roger: *Still Laughing* But this phase is no worse than any of the others we’ve been through.Gia: For the sake of those reading, can you specify…?Roger: Like, no. I don’t think so. I mean, we’ve always been in sort of a rough patch, haven’t we? Wait. Relationally? No! We’re not in a rough patch.Gia: Yeah…I think it meant relationally.Roger: I mean…*censored*Gia: I’m not typing that.Roger: I don’t care if you type it. Gia: Next question.

5. What Bothers You Most About Me?Roger: The way you pronounce “orange”...Gia: Next question.6. What Kind of Love Do you Feel?Roger: Angry love.Gia: What?Roger: Angry love. *Laughs* What the hell does that question even mean?

7. Do You Trust Me?Roger: *nods head*Gia: That was sort of a lame answer.Roger: What was I supposed to say?Gia: Do…you…trust…me?Roger: Yes! I don’t have any qualifiers for that. 8. Are You Seeing Someone New?Roger: *Laughs hysterically* *Coughs*Gia: Next question.9. uhhhhh…..We skip a lot of questions because Roger has VERY inappropriate answers…

10. How Do You See Our Future?Roger: With my wizard eyes.Gia: *siiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh* Well? That’s what you’re going with?Roger: Yep.Gia: No deep answers?Roger: That was pretty ****** deep.Gia: Okay.

There you go.

Public marriage counseling via Roger and Gia Cooper. Well, the appropriate version, anyway. Sometimes, I feel like we're an ancient couple, just shy of our rocking chairs and hidden moonshine. Yep. We will have hidden moonshine.