China, best known for not being on the exact opposite side of the globe as California (you could have told me before I dug the hole!), now has live-crab vending machines. Because if there's one thing I'm hungry for in a hurry, it's live f***ing crabs. Suck it, Snickers, I will wait!

A vending machine offering live Shanghai Hairy Crabs, spotted on the streets of Nanjing.

The inside of the machine is kept at 5 degrees celsius [41 Fahrenheit], a temperature cold enough to make the crabs go into a state of hibernation. A sign states that all the crabs in the machine are fresh: if the crab is dead-on-arrival, they promise to give you three free crabs.

Now I know what you're thinking, "oh my God -- I'll just kill my crab as soon as it comes out and get three free!" And that, my friends, is what I call thinking like an American. No wonder the rest of the world hates us.

Hit the jump and be amazed by China's far-superior vending experience.