Justin Bieber Can Physically Dominate A Grown Man Is What You’re Supposed To Believe Now

Before I even get into the latest bullshit report about Justin Bieber “assaulting” the paparazzo above, here’s a pretty relevant excerpt from his recent GQ interview where he agreed to box Drew Magary only to back out at the last minute because the Maple Lord has the attention span of a coked-up hummingbird and was going through a two-second boxing phase:

There is no way around it: Justin Bieber is a very small human being. He’s 18, but he could easily pass for someone six years younger. His rep says he’s five feet nine, but he looks about four feet four, maybe one hundred pounds. I shake his hand, and it feels like there should be more hand there. I suddenly realize that I can’t box this guy. I’m ten inches taller and a hundred pounds heavier. I ought to sit with him and read him Babar. But soon it doesn’t matter, because Bieber says he forgot his boxing equipment.
“I didn’t want to get my ass kicked,” he says.
“But I was told your dad was an MMA fighter,” I say.
“Yeah, he was.”
“So you could beat my ass.”
“No, not really.”

Now keeping that in mind, the paparazzo above is literally trying to claim that on Sunday the willow in the wisp described back there assaulted him to the point that he required immediate medical attention and a full police investigation. TMZ reports:

Justin was in Calabasas, where he lives, just after noon Sunday at a mall called The Commons. A paparazzo attempted to take Justin’s picture and, according to law enforcement, some sort of physical altercation erupted between Justin and the camera guy.
The photog called 911, and when cops arrived Justin and GF Selena Gomez had already split.
The photog complained of pain to his upper torso, an ambulance was summoned and he was taken to a local hospital where he was examined and released a short time later.

Except it turns out the dude blocked Justin Bieber’s car and wouldn’t move, resulting in a “scuffle” which I’ll assume was a limp wrist to the face followed by a lawyer materializing out of the bushes with dollar signs in his eyes:

We’re told several witnesses at the scene say after the altercation, a lawyer walked up to the photog and said he could get a lot of money out of the incident and advised the dude to call for an ambulance and file a police report.
Witnesses also say the photog had been blocking Justin’s car as the singer was trying to leave.

Look, nine times out of 10 I will back the paparazzi when celebrities flip out on them because getting your picture taken is the price you pay for fame and fortune. The paparazzi don’t follow dentists. That said, how much of a little bitch do you have to be to look in the eyes of what seems to be an entire police department and EMTs who could be off dealing with real victims and say, “Oh, my estomago, the tiny dancing girl-boy assaulted me!” Because, seriously, this kid’s going to peel you off ten, maybe, MAYBE, thirty grand but now the entire world knows you’re a wiener who couldn’t take the equivalent of a feather-duster to the cheek. Have fun letting that slowly eat you alive on the inside.