Leader driven Harmony #22: Five Stressful Behaviors and How to STOP them – Part 2

In the last post we identified five common types of stressful behaviors: Day Dreaming, Comparing, Time Traveling, Gut Reacting and Grade Schooling. Before we get into details about how we will change these people’s aggravating behaviors, we want to encourage you to first use some common sense about deciding if you should undertake the task at all. You are not the behavior police and some people deserve a WIDE berth. You should only intervene when you are not risking your personal safety and the person’s behavior is so aggravating that you cannot just let it pass and when you think by confronting the person you might actually have some reasonable chance of getting them to change their behavior.

So in every case, for any type of stress-causing behavior other people exhibit, the three questions you must ask yourself (in this order) before you intervene are

Is it safe to confront this person about their behavior?

Is it worth my effort to confront this person? and

Do I have any real chance of changing their behavior?”

The answer to all three should be “YES” before you intervene. So let’s look at a few scenarios and see if they get past the first of our three criteria for intervention – – – our personal safety.

Scenario #1

On your way to work in Los Angeles, a car full of men in their early 20s, with shaved heads and their bodies covered in tattoos, stops beside you at a traffic light with their music blaring. The music is deafening and they appear not to even notice the discomfort it is causing in people nearby. Do you get involved?

Answer: Are you serious? Just asking them to turn it down could get you shot. And you have ZERO chance of changing their future behavior. So control your testosterone boys (women are smart enough to not even CONSIDER intervening here), keep your eyes forward and drive on. That was an easy example. Now for one that is not-so-easy.

Scenario #2

You and your office colleagues are standing in line to order at a fast food restaurant. A guy near you is acting odd— standing too close to you, fidgeting a lot, looking around nervously and mumbling to himself. He seems to be in a hurry to get his food but his behavior is annoying. Do you ask him in a stern voice to step back a bit?

Answer: No. This guy is possibly mentally unstable or on drugs or both. Very odd people should trigger a “flee” response in you. I would just walk out of the restaurant, to my car, and wait for him to leave. Do not confront someone who may be on drugs and/or mentally on a different planet. Asking him to “give me a little room, please” might trigger a bizarre response. Don’t become a statistic.

In our next post we will see an all-too-common scenario, the corporate lay-off, and a disgruntled coworker whose behavior stresses his colleagues. Would you ask him to stop? You may be surprised at the correct answer.