Modern Dating Advice for Smart Singles

How Your Choices are Sabotaging Your Dating Success

Dr. Phil has a quote, “When we choose the behavior, we choose the results. In order to have differently, we have to do differently.”

Often singles set out to prove that their way of dating is right and that everyone else is f*cked up.

For example, when I posted a video about ‘nice guys’, I got several comments from men in protest. Many insisted that women were the problem, and that ‘nice guys’ were right to be how they were. Men and women who are struggling to see results in dating, often argue for limitations. Claiming that if the circumstances were different, they wouldn’t be how they are.

Even when everyone else is wrong, and you’re right. If you’re still single, then does it really matter? While everyone else might be wrong, what does that mean for you.

I know racism is wrong, but I have to live with the realization that it exists.

There may be several minorities who don’t experience it, but that is not my reality. I act and live according to my circumstances and experiences I endure, and not on what I had heard. It might be wrong; but its real. In dating, while we might strongly disagree with the reality of a situation, or a culture, you can’t avoid it.

While your behavior might be predicated on an unfortunate circumstance, you’re the one who has to live with the results.

That being the case, it’s important to think about what you want to happen in your love life. Ideally you meet an available man or woman who you are physically attracted to. This person will be physically attracted to you. After you have a “date”, you will decide that you like each other; it will be mutual.

The person you meet will exhibit signs of interest, and you will do the same. You will continue to go on dates and spend time together. You will eventually become exclusive and so on.

In most romantic scenarios, what I described above is what you want to happen. Each step leads into the next with seamless ease. There is little to no friction from meeting to commitment, and you feel like you’re “on the same page” as the person you’re dating. If you can’t relate to this timeline, or you don’t feel like your past relationships have followed this trajectory ask yourself:

Where in this scenario do you find trouble?

Meeting available men or women that you are attracted to, getting them to find you attractive?

Scheduling and going on a ‘date’?

Deciphering their level of interest if any?

Continuing to plan dates and time together?

Etc.

Where in this process do you find yourself struggling to prove that you are right and everyone else is wrong? ‘When we choose the behavior, we choose the results.’ Are you convinced that there aren’t enough people out there, or that it’s hard to meet people?

Do you believe that everyone you like is interested in a different type of person than you are? Are you still sold on the idea that people should be “hard to get” or that dating of itself is difficult?

If you have a limiting belief or a recurring behavior that creates a roadblock during the aforementioned process then you have to ask yourself, “What am I doing that might be sabotaging my success?”

If you can’t possibly come up with the answer then you’re already in the wrong.

You are doing something. You are choosing a behavior that is garnishing results that you don’t want. This isn’t a behavior that is happening once, it’s happening over and over. You have to come clean about the choices you are making in dating and in life. It could be something as small your belief that dating is hard, or it could be a deeper fear that maybe you’re just not lovable.

Look for small signs of self-sabotage such as: do you continue to go out with a friend you think is more attractive than you? When you meet potential dates do you assume they aren’t interested in you? Do you miss signs of interest? It starts with our beliefs, which translates to a behavior then ends in a result that we don’t want.

I can’t tell you what you believe or think. I can only tell you that when it comes to dating, you aren’t doing everything right. You might not be doing anything right.

The good news is you are in control of the results because you are in control of the actions.

What we choose to do every day is what creates our reality. I’m only asking that you think about why you’re doing what you’re doing and if it’s helping, or hindering your love life. Identify the behavior that isn’t working in your favor, and instead of trying to prove that you’re right to do or believe what you’re doing, make the change.

Everyone else might be in the wrong, but you’re the one that’s single.

I thoroughly loved your tips on if you want to keep your man.. Though I myself comes from the men fraternity yet could not refrain from liking the minute detail you explained as I Could have easily relate to each point 😄. That's why , the marriage kills the romance because of those bad traits.

Miss Solomon - He Hasn’t Called, Now What…

Thank you for your comment, and for reading. My advice is this. A man should be cherishing and chasing you. A man should be worried that he will lose you if he doesn't show you attention. If a man isn't treating you like you're valuable to him, don't stay with him. Show your own value by leaving him alone. You don't need anyone in your life who makes you feel like you're second class. I hope this was helpful.

Miss Solomon - 5 Bad Habits That Chase Men Away

Thank you so much for your comment and thank you for reading! I know this is easy to say but the best way to approach men that you like is to remove yourself from the outcome. Yes, you want a date, and I think it's great that you took the initiative but don't beat yourself up about the outcome. The circumstances might not be right. There is one way I recommend taking action in dating to see results. It's a simple process - Step 1. Write down 3 possible scenarios A,B,C - A being if nothing happens, B being if it something happens but not what you expected, C being if your ideal results happen. Then try to imagine how you would feel in each scenario. Prepare yourself for no response, for a rejection, or for a date. If you're prepared for any outcome, its easy to take action. Just don't NEED anything certain result. Just take action because you're a brave person willing to take risks, and go after what you want. Instead of worrying about the result, just focus on taking action. It's not about what happens, it's about taking the action, accepting the result as feedback and moving forward with new information. I think you did a great thing! and the action itself means more than the result because you showed confidence. If you don't get a date, that's ok. But don't stop right taking action where you can. I hope this was helpful.

Danica - 5 Bad Habits That Chase Men Away

there is this guy who flirts with me, shows all 32 teeth when smiling at me and sighs around me a lot, well I do like him and think the feeling is mutual, but ive asked men out in the past and that did NOT turn out as I had hoped. but I decided to give it another shot by giving my crush a Christmas card and writing in it the following "me and you coffee with my name/number" and if he is interested he has my digits. is that too much or not.

lizzy - He Hasn’t Called, Now What…

i want u to advice me ma.there is dis guy v bn lvn for d past 10yrs i lata told im my filns and he agri to date ever since dat day he hasnt called or text v bn the 1 textn and calln.what can i do