Woundology

I was recently introduced to the term “woundology.” It came up in conversation with a friend who was trying to explain the concept of my seeking and forming connections with those who had also endured traumatic childhood experiences. Completely intrigued, once I returned home I immediately researched the term to delve deeper into its meaning. I quickly found Caroline Myss’s amazing book “Why People Don’t Heal and How They Can,” which is available for purchase through Amazon, a work which did much to alter my perspective about my past.

Like many who have survived troubled childhoods, I have seen myself as injured, bruised, even damaged, eventually relishing in the diagnosis of “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder” that I received about ten years ago. Finally there was a name for the “illness” which had defined my existence for so long. Thinking of myself as an abuse survivor gave my life meaning and went so far as to govern my choices in mates. I bonded with those who could somehow “get me” because they too had gone through similar trials and tribulations and appeared to me to be “on my level.” I so clearly saw my own suffering in others that when I tried to exit some extremely damaging relationships it was as painful as cutting out a part of myself. After many years, I can still recall seeing my first spouse as a fragile and vulnerable “wounded rabbit” when I finally made the decision to leave her, which in turn filled me with tremendous guilt, when in reality I was really just projecting onto her what I saw in myself. Choosing a partner based on a concept of shared wounds is nothing more than a false connection that is likely to break apart once one of the partners wakes up.

Sometimes we hold fast to our wounded definition of ourselves so tightly, afraid of the change that might come about if we dare try to find new meaning for our lives. Our fear of letting go of our wounds may manifest as a serious illness. The illness phase serves many purposes and may give us the attention we crave. Doctors fawn over us trying to find a root cause for our affliction, baffled when they can find nothing clinically wrong. I once endured nearly a year of tests, hospitalizations and unnecessary medications, culminating in a short stint in a psychiatric ward, all because I was not yet willing and able to look inside myself and allow the person I was deep within to live freely on the outside in the real world. I suppressed my heart’s desires, living in a world of “should” and “must,” believing that I was truly meant to suffer.

If you’ve ever told someone else that they have no business giving you advice because they didn’t suffer the same experiences you did, you may be identifying with woundology. Allowing our current self to be defined by our past experiences with a controlling religion, parent or spouse does not make us superior to anyone. No one has to have lived what we have lived through in order to fully connect with us, and we certainly don’t have to be defined by our early environments. While some events in our lives may have been beyond our control, especially when we were children, as adults, we now have the power to direct our lives as we see fit. We can forgive others, but most importantly we can forgive ourselves, and allow the healing energy within us to do the work it was meant to do.

One thought on “Woundology”

Thank you for this. It describes my daughter completely, describes herself as broken and damaged, yet struggles on not knowing (maybe not wanting) what to do about it. Neurobiology has determined that our brain undergoes changes when abuse occurs as a young child. I believe we can rewire our brain with work and determination, however I was not physically or sexually abused as a JW child. I continue to hope life improves for my daughter. She is now in her 40s and until the last couple of years held it together quite well.

Links

Bonnie Zieman
If you are recovering from being the victim of a high-demand, coercive environment, this site is designed to help you manage and heal from the many negative effects of having your life co-opted and controlled.

JW Stories
The brainchild of YouTuber Louise Goode, JWstories is a new website aimed at bringing together the experiences of those whose lives have been affected by the Watchtower.

JW Survey
This website has been created and made available as a free resource so that anyone, whether they are a former or current Witness, or in some way associated with Witness friends or relatives, can give their honest opinions about the Watchtower.

JW Victims
Thought provoking articles about the activities and occurences among the somewhat secretive society of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

Open Minds Foundation
The Open Minds Foundation is a not-for-profit, charitable organisation, established to raise awareness of the dangers of undue influence in our society, to reduce its impact, and in the long term, eliminate it altogether.

Self-Care After Exiting A Cult
Recommendations and resources for recovery from mind control, manipulation and undue influence after leaving a high-control group and embarking on your journey to freedom.