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Monday, August 20, 2012

A Bigger Plan

I usually do what He asks. Sometimes with hesitation. Sometimes I wrestle. But most often I jump from
the puddle to the pond and take a leap of faith and I trust Him. I believe Him.

Over the summer the Lord asked me to take The Pearl Event - on a smaller scale
to three specific cities this fall. Greenwich, Houston and Charlotte.
He named it The Mini Pearl- which I absolutely loved- and gave me instructions about what He wanted to do.

I questioned and wrestled for quite some time but in the end I was obedient and full of expectancy.

I called the hotel- the location of the very first event, booked the ballroom and signed the contract.

Still shaking in my boots, but I did it.

Then the hardest part. The trusting Him on a new level for something that has never happened before while looking at natural circumstances that suggest that there is absolutely no way that this is going to work.

Day after day. Night after night. Week after week I fought those concerns.

Circumstances caused fear to set in and it seemed that maybe I had misheard Him.

We needed things to work out in the natural in order to move forward. No luck.

So with tears and frustration and feelings of defeat I called and cancelled the first event scheduled for September.

It felt like the death of hope for me.

This was a huge risk that I couldn't take but I had believed that my obedience would bring the blessing
and God would just provide. Someway. Somehow.

I've believed Him before and somehow He has worked things out for the last two events- but I think this time I was feeling a little too battle worn and did not want to add additional stress on my family of trying to figure out finances.

I have to say I'm not sure I've ever felt like such a failure.

Out of those feelings that day I decided to just lay it down. Not just the event- but all of it.

Every dream and desire. Every hope of what is to come. Every bible study idea. Every ministry idea. Every business idea. Every page in every notebook that I had hoped would one day become books of encouragement to others. The future of The Pearl Event. The future of The Mini Pearls. The ministry to the broken hearted....all of it.

I tied it all up with spiritual heart strings and I wept over it.

I placed it at His feet and I gave it to Him.

I asked for forgiveness for messing this up, if I had. For not understanding. For disappointing others. For being of little faith, if that was the case. For anything and everything. All of it.

And I prayed.

I asked Him to pick up whatever piece- if any, and one day, maybe we could begin again....

For those of you who have asked about the possibility of Houston in October and Charlotte in November...right now I do not have a way. The first event was to fund or front the costs for the next event if that makes sense?

The Atlanta event in March of 2013 is still scheduled as a wonderful church is hosting and providing for that event. We are also still planning on hosting The Pearl Event III in April of 2013 with wonderful guest speakers and bloggers and a live praise and worship team.

I want to apologize to you beautiful friends, for any disappointment I may have caused in any way at all. My heart is to move forward but right now I have to wait for provision. For all of you who have prayed, commented, emailed and encouraged in words and prayers....thank you is an understatement.

I am so incredibly grateful to all of you.

If anything changes you all will be the first to know.

In the meantime I am trying totrust Him for a bigger plan. Thank you to each one of you who have offered encouragement and for helping me to see, that might just be the case....

18 comments:

Sibi!First of all, we love you. Second, God's got this. He will carry this out. Just allow yourself to continue to be the vessel. Hugs and prayers. Praying for that job situation too. Your transparency is both beautiful and comforting. Hang in there!~

A big hug to you dear sister I haven't met yet. This verse came to mind because it comforts me, it's all I could think to share. I'm praying for you today.

Romans 8:18-26New King James Version (NKJV)

18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. 19 For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it in hope; 21 because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. 22 For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now. 23 Not only that, but we also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body. 24 For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.

26 Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us[a] with groanings which cannot be uttered.

Oh sweet friend. I am so sorry. While the circumstances looked difference, I know the pain and wrestle of surrender as I have laid my own dreams and plans at the foot of the cross (again, and again, and again). I trust that He has got this taken care of and that He will carry you right in the palm of His hand. Praying for you right now! Love & Blessings, Kim

You are such a shining gem in the Lord's crown of servants, don't ever let the enemy make you think any less. Sometimes the hardest direction He gives is WAIT...but it is always worth it. Praying for you and your servants heart.

Sibi , I truly believe that this post is the message that God wanted from the start. To obey him and surrender. To praise His Holy name when others would run & hide. He is glorified in what you see as failure & defeat. We , your sisters, see & feel triumph and new found faith. You constantly enrich our lives with your raw honesty. You are beautiful through & through. Xoxo

I think most of us have walked this path at some point. God has the perfect timing and HE knows your path. You have had so much faith to share His word and his works by example and I know HE is using you to do that in every way (even this post). I would LOVE to help you get here. I can talk to our church. Maybe my mom's group can get you here as a speaker??? Please get my number from Paige and call me. I will help. I mean it. I have realized recently that taking a different path or plan are NOT mistakes or failures....they are the way we are supposed to go to learn the lessons God wants us to learn.

morning sweet friend. i'm so sorry to hear but am always blown away & so inspired by your "bigger plan" heart.he has given you that as a gift. i get tangled up in my smaller knotted up details and yet you are always able to see right on past all that yuck & wait on the bigger plan...even if it appears that the pictures of the slide show are all on hold.love you

Kinder words have already been said by previous posters! Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, sweet friend! You are beautiful and wonderful and meant to be exactly where you are. Perhaps you are being called to minister to those closest to home...?

Thank you for your kind words Valerie. So true. I love ministering at home and know for sure that this is my highest calling apart from my relationship with Him. I have many, many times asked the Father to speak to someone else, call someone else to create, write and minister these things that He asks of me.

Someone without a big family...

Someone with a degree in these things..

Someone who is qualified and experienced and who has twenty five certifications hanging on their wall...

Someone who doesn't have the testimony that I have....

Many, many times...

But then He gently woos and calls and speaks to my heart and pours out even the more so.....

And reminds me that He "doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called."

So I just keep holding babies and caring for babies and asking Him to anoint me to be the very best mother and wife I can be and when my babies are sleeping ...I lift up every word to Him.