If you eat salads, then you are almost certainly eating some of the worst foods ever engineered. The actual 'salad' part of salads might be okay, but there are no commercially made salad dressings or mayonnaise products that are fit for human consumption. Moreover, lettuce, which is the core ingredient of most salads, has almost no nutritional value. Corn or watermelon would be roughly as nutritious. You will gain weight and eventually have severe health problems if you consume salads with commercially-made dressings regularly. Eating from Kentucky Fried Chicken is healthier than eating from most salad bars nowadays. Do you ever wonder why salads and cut fruits from restaurants never wilt or brown anymore? Our friends from the chemo-pharmaceutical industry know the answer. A week later, the fruits and lettuce are just as 'fresh', you know, since mysteriously the bacteria on them dies as if it were poisoned with undisclosed and unlabeled chemical toxins.

It is not a matter of 'if' but 'when' the consequences will appear from eating something less nutritious and more toxic than Big Macs regularly. Most salads actually are. We really wish we were exaggerating. The food and drug cartel of the pharma-chemical industry really is plotting to sicken us, and that is why salads have been made into health booby-traps. Commercial dressings are made from soy or canola oils, and sometimes, as in the case of mayonnaise, they are even intentionally made radioactive. The lettuce is sometimes radioactive too, by the way. We just couldn't make this stuff up. Usually the dressings that are found in health food stores (like Whole Foods Market) are just a con-job. We've done the research, and it is terribly depressing, if not slightly sickening. It's no longer buyer beware: it's buyer be terrified.

Anyway, let's move onto something more positive; like some delicious dressings that you can make at home, which are not designed to assist the growth of the cardiac and cancer industries. Do not miss the homemade mayonnaise, either.

Italian Dressing

1 cup cold pressed extra virgin olive oil

3/4 cup Apple Cider Vinegar

2 Tablespoons Parsley

6 Tablespoons Lemon Juice

2 Tablespoons Garlic

2 Tablespoons Maple Syrup

2 Tablespoons Honey

1 Tablespoon chopped Red Bell Pepper

1/2 Tablespoon Onion Powder

1/2 Teaspoon Sea Salt

1/2 Teaspoon Paprika

1 Teaspoon Basil

1 pinch Oregano

3/4 cup Unbleached Flour (thickening agent)

1 cup Water

The flour is both a thickening agent and an emulsifier, so the amount will vary. The original recipe included soy lecithin, but all soy products should be avoided. Simply blend these ingredients together in a blender, and add more water until you reach the desired consistency.

French Dressing

3/4 cup Peanut Oil

1/2 cup White Vinegar

1 heaping tsp. Paprika

1 tsp. Mustard

1 tsp. Garlic

1/2 tsp. Sea Salt

2 tsp. Worcestershire Sauce

2 tbsp. Tomato Paste

1 tbsp. Onion Powder

1 1/2 tbsp. Sugar

Mix all ingredients together in a blender, and refrigerate. Tastes better chilled.

Ranch Dressing

1 cup mayonnaise (see below)

1/2 cup sour cream

1/2 teaspoon drived chives

1/2 teaspoon parsley

1/2 teaspoon dill weed

1/2 teaspoon garlic powder

1/2 teaspoon onion powder

1/8 teaspoon sea salt

1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper

Whisk ingredients together in a large bowl, and refrigerate for 30 minutes before serving.

Egg-free and Soy-free Mayonnaise

1/2 cup milk

1-2 Tablespoon lemon juice

1/8 Teaspoon sea salt

3/4 cup oil *

Spices (if desired)

* Extra-virgin Olive oil has too much flavor for this recipe, so we recommend extra-light olive oil, peanut oil, non-GMO corn oil, or sunflower oil. Blend together milk, lemon juice, salt, and spices. While blending, slowly pour in the oil. This process is necessary to cause thickening.

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The Claimer: The information provided herein is intended to be a truthful and corrective alternative to the advice that is provided by physicians and other medical professionals. It is intended to diagnose, treat, cure, and prevent disease.