Yes, I said it. And it was, I’m certain! I just didn’t happen to be part of it. But things sometimes change rapidly, and learning how to use WordPress like a pro, 4-5 years ago, when I set this thing up, so I’d be ready for the day DID happened… but apparently I don’t recall it happening.

(That’s the best excuse I can come up with on no notice.)

What happens next? Crash course. On everything. Things I don’t know, things I used to know, things I used to do but don’t remember how — even elements of my writing that I was very conscious of when I made my legal pad scratch drafts — and I need to recall and relearn with fluidity the things that were second nature to me, and do it in about 1 month.

This month. Dec 2016.

I don’t even know what version of WordPress this is, or what the top end is out there. I may buy a domain and host it here, I might get hosting that has a CMS that includes WP, Drupal and Joomla, but since I run Apache all the time, I might even just self-host. I have some older tools that I think might fit my style of a web presence, which will be low key, and the Blog isn’t always ideal. Apple users (phone, iPad or Mac) will tell you how much

they like iWork (Pages, Numbers and especially Keynote, the PowerPoint competition that really is what PowerPoint looks to, now… for things it cannot do, since Keynote first came out).

But what I really miss? iWeb. It was like iTunes & iPhoto mixed together to put anything on a page you wanted. Check out the link above. It was such a great WYSIWIG builder of sites, it had great templates, plus others that the usual companies made for it — and it was to be used with your iDisk, or your iCloud or your iMe or whatever the hell they are calling it — then it just stopped. And I mean it — it was excellent. I have all the Dreamweavers going back to before CSS and it was supposed to be the Quark Xpress or PageMaker of the web. I learned to hate dreamWeaver pretty quickly.

Your SQL? I thought it was MySQL?

I used a combination of Adobe PageMill (until they bought Macromedia) and something else Apple had out under the Claris banner. Simple, excellent, and honestly, code was easy enough to just remember it off the top of your head as a hobbyist. It was excellent. It didn’t create code like that M$ feces “FrontPage” – code that only IE would read properly.

I don’t want to maintain any MySQL – thus keeping these typed beauties properly arranged, dated and accessible. iWeb did that. So does hosting WordPress on WordPress.

I don’t want to bother for even 3 seconds, after I get the look I want, having to be arranging for repair time, for a simple biz site. If I have something to say (and I will — it will be a biz site) it will be informative, but nothing where any forms are filled out online (again, unless that stuff is already here and ready to run, with just the install of a plug-in, etc.) – and I don’t want to work harder than necessary to get the industry feel of the page the moment you land — I want everyone to know “I’m at the right place” or immediately say “huh?!?” – and when it comes to using blog sites for that purpose – it is difficult when you are new to an app, vs. the traditional way we slap a flyer together – tri-fold or otherwise. If I can’t figure out how to get it to look the “old way” I’m going to be pissed.

And I’m not going to appreciate the new way — until after I set it up the old way, then start looking at the templates and playing with a concurrently very different design, that uses all my former skills (that will need re-injected into my brain) at making you, the dear reader, nod your head “yes” – in agreement, with everything I say, because of my rhetorical writing skills! Any shouts to you to beat the hell out of some other reader — and “I’ll pay the medical bills!” – JUST DO IT! That is what this is all about! Getting you to click! Click-Thru! Pay Per Click! Mistress Click! Tinder-Click! Clicks for Chicks! Clicks for Chicks with Dicks! Clits for Chicks with Dicks that like Clicks! IT IS THE INTERNET — BELIEVE!

What lunacy… he’ll pay the medical bills, but not the felony/attempted murder fines, the civil suit that follows, criminal fines, loss of income from jail time, NOR for the lighter, friendlier “assault with a deadly weapon” or the lawyer bills, that caught that idiot following instructions like a brain dead sheep, shouted to him from a vantage point that the “bleater” (who would never be charged with inciting violence or a hate crime!) wasn’t speaking to anyone by name, — and they didn’t have enough sense to think for 3 seconds, not realizing not a damn was given about him for “following orders!!” You make your own mistakes – even if Free Will is an illusion, THAT was not part of the illusion that controls you! It was free MEDICAL, for the other guy! You got nothin‘ free!

Beat on a guy, maybe get shot in the head instead, by the guy you started to attack?! Is the bleater at the podium going to pay YOUR medical bills? The whole world just heard him say he’d pay the OTHER guy’s – and that guy doesn’t have any! (He would like a replacement bullet, however.)

If you don’t include that he has some ringing in his ears and a sore finger from the blast of a .45. Or perhaps he was a black belt in Brasilian JuJitsu and killed your ass dead in under two seconds when you brought out something metal in your moronic fists (a steel rod the size of a roll of dimes? Brass knuckles? Knife or gun? Don’t know, don’t care. You have that skill, and those moves, and you see someone ready to attack you and a flash of metal? And you are trained to react to incapacitate in equal measure before they get to act? Nice knowing you, dude!)

That’s a UFC I would have liked to see, and it would have changed the circus, so that all the lunacy and disrespect the clown cast upon those seeking the office, holding the office, and the office itself – he just brought it all with him, and it now, aptly applies to him.

How was that a change from formatting things in WordPress?

Did you even notice that it was happening? That the gears shifted on you and you were following and didn‘t even get a chance to say “wait… what happened to Apple’s iWeb application? Is he talking about “Clippy Must Die” ?”

Some people have invented terms for those styles of writing and transition – – and they are well known among those who write for publications you potentially read – but if you had been taught them, at the university level, and instructed to go out and find examples of them, (or go one better, and contact the people interviewed in the magazine for the cover page article… where a big name magazine that has something to do with a CLOCK, wrote the authoritative article on herpes – such that it scared the hell out of me way back, and I saved that magazine!

18 months later… as I’m “learning,” I called every single person, who was featured as a cum-dumpster slut and/or a guy who would shove his dong up a dead dog’s ass if there was nothing else around on “hump day” because… well, “It’s Hump Day, dammit! I’m gonna hump somethin’ – I don’t care if’n its covered in festerin’ sores or not! Just like that beeyatch over thar! She don’t mind suckin’ off the scabs! Cause she’s a pig, cum-dumpster slut! I read about her in the paragraph above me!”

Let’s just say I got through to all of them. (I did!) And I interviewed them. And they were all lied to. All told what a positive, upbeat article it was going to be, about how yeah… it’s a cold sore… and sometimes it’s exactly the same as the one on your lip, but now it’s on his/her naughty parts. Or it was the slightly different one (known as “TWO” – that’s how different they are) – but it got on your lip (or your naughty parts) cause one way or another yer face was down thar, you puta whorez!

Oh… and we forgot to mention it would be on the cover, with a sleazy all red color, a graffiti “H” and the title “The New Scarlet Letter” – and that everyone should be thankful for it – since they were a VD carrying pig – they just did them a favor, by giving them a seven page “single’s ad” in the most popular weekly magazine in North America, using their real names, city they lived and/or company they worked at!

(That’s how *I* got a hold of them!!)

And they were very angry at point in time… 18 months later. They were glad to tell someone how they’d been swindled. How they trusted and were lied to, embarrassed on the national stage, when all they wanted to do was let people know it wasn’t the end of the world.

And that’s sort of like what I’ll be doing! First, to not write anymore run-on sentence/paragraphs like a few above. (This is a good example why paper outlines really work best for writing, then you write for your bullet points, order your bullet points/paragraphs and properly segue – rather than type at stream of consciousness at 2am!)

I’ll be doing a few practice pieces here, with photos and other things (to learn how, via WordPress, to place them precisely on the page and format text around them), that will combine nuclear weapons, climate change, Vladimir Putin, his polonium assassins and how they are just waiting to place a fragment of polonium so small, you’d not see it with the naked eye, under your skin by way of a pat on the back, just to watch you die over the next 8 weeks.

And that’s the good news!

The bad news is I’m going to try to make it funny also! So I hope you’ll come back and read it — refer it around, whatever! It’s just going to be written to have something to write about and place photos and make them look like “info only” web pages, then writing pieces, then maybe “we offer this service” along with some special ads like “You won’t believe what this 16 year old Mom from Kazakhstan can do with a water buffalo!”

If I succeed, I will have quickly figured out the latest tricks with the latest version, using the latest tools and plug-ins, and will REMEMBER IT ALL, so I can make a few intelligent decisions about using WordPress vs. alternatives. In the meantime, maybe you’ll get a laugh – or maybe you’ll get something else, like “Founding Fathers for Jesus” and/or just exactly what it means to be “Passive Aggressive.” Either way, you’ll learn something. Even if it is just about WordPress.

Oh, and that Crime Against Humanity by that magazine I mentioned? 100% true that they wrote it. And what they wrote? 100% twisted opinion and false information, meant to hurt & do damage to people, just so it would be remembered, like right now. 34 years and 4 months later. The writer? Likely given a Medal of Freedom by Ronnie at the request of Ed Meese.

(note: my interpretation of the reactions of those featured in the article are pretty close to how they felt they were represented by the magazine… like roaches that creep out when the lights are off to spread disease. Nobody used the terminology I used, but that was their message. That is how they felt they were portrayed. No better than the Enquirer – by a magazine with a better reputation thanks to Henry Luce, the originator of the Time/Life monolith, by occasionally engaging in something upstanding, but I cannot name even one.)

(I’ll be adding some interesting SEO tags to this just to see how it goes. I hope my Founding Father article is actually here, or that went over your head! Tomorrow, if it is not, I’ll PDF it and place it somewhere accessible. I originally made it with little pics and quotes, using Apple’s iWeb!)