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Sunday, 27 May 2012

I Feel Bad

Salam Aleykum Everyone. (Ada macam gaya Arab2 tak? Haha :P )

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Every day when I am struggling to get out of my bed and knock myself out of utter sleepiness, I always feel like I am a big time loser. And yes, this is no joke. With both eyes shut close, I move my hands around wearily, searching for my cellphone to check the time. I am always having thoughts like Why didn't I wake up earlier so that I could help mom do the chores? Why didn't I wake up earlier so that I could read newspaper or books? Why didn't I wake up earlier so that I could do something beneficial, y'know, like gardening or cycling or jogging? Why didn't I wake up earlier so that I could do any-freaking-thing that could enhance my skills? But then, I realize it is too late to be sorry for my own action. Five months sitting around at home, I gotta admit that I do regret every minute I'd spent (figuratively). Everything doesn't seem to be the way I wanted it to be, the way I planned it.

In that time, I got to know lotsa and lotsa awesome people, from the classes I attended to the interviews and assessments I went through to the voluntary works I'd done. People that are successful, people that are charismatic, people that for sure everyone is looking up to, respects. So do I. I often have this tiny feeling where I feel everyone is better than me even tho conspicuously we are the same, we all are qualified for that particular thing. Yeah, sure, my family and friends do tell me that I can do it no matter what it takes and I personally know that I can do it, but little of uncertainty & fear still exist in my heart.

Never mind, that is my problem. I'll definitely find a way to shrug it off of me. It's burdening, though.

So, I have decided to do bunch of things before I start to enroll myself into a college to do a Pre-U course. Two months to go! I already met some of them at the ceremony today. I am so pumped up about it. Hoping for the best, insyaAllah, Amin :) Wish me luck please.