'Peaceable Expulsion' - Poem by Ambrose Bierce

My friend, I beg that you will lend your ears(I know 'tis asking a good deal of you)While I for your instruction nominateSome certain wrongs you suffer. Men like youImperfectly are sensible of allThe miseries they actually feel.Hence, Providence has prudently raised upClear-sighted men like me to diagnoseTheir cases and inform them where they're hurt.The wounds of honest workingmen I've madeA specialty, and probing them's my trade.

O pig-tail Celestial,O barbarous bestial,Abominable Chinee!Simian fellow man,Primitive yellow man,Joshian devotee!Shoe-and-cigar machine,OleomargarineYou are, and butter are we-Fat of the land are we,Salt of the earth;In God's image planned to be-Noble in birth!You, on the contrary,Modeled upon veryDifferent lines indeed,Show in conspicuous,Base and ridiculousWays your inferior breed.Wretched apology,Shame of ethnology,Monster unspeakably low!Fit to be buckshotted-Be you 'steboycotted.Vanish-vamoose-mosy-Go!

Methought I heard a murmuring of tonguesSound through the ceiling of the hollow earth,As if the anti-coolie ques--ha! friends,Well met. You see I keep my ancient word:Where two or three are gathered in my name,There am I in their midst.