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Monday, January 7, 2013

What the World Can Learn From Writers

I’ve hated bickering ever since I was a little kid. Where most siblings relish the chance to needle
and annoy their brothers or sisters, I was always the peacemaker. I avoided the situations that seemed to cause
arguments, like where my brothers and I would sit in the car. No one wanted the middle seat, but I always
offered to take it so we wouldn’t fight.

As an adult, I can be considerably more confrontational when
crossed, and I’m in no way a pushover, but I still try to avoid conflict. Or rather, I work around it, try to find a
peaceful resolution by getting one side to see and understand the other. That’s just my nature.

Over the years, I’ve come to believe I might be in the
minority. Everywhere I look, people are
badgering and bickering with each other.
It’s typically the source of every news story where someone gets shot or
stabbed, and it’s the norm on nearly every reality TV show. Viewers think it’s boring unless one person
is railing at or tormenting another. We
find it amusing for some reason.

It’s no wonder so many little girls turn mean at the age of
five, why some kids are bullied so mercilessly.
For all the complaining we do about the issue, all the time we spend
teaching our kids not to pick on others, the example they often see is what we
leave running in the background on the TV while they eat dinner, do their
homework, or just plain horse around.

And don’t even get me started on the politicians, those
inept, contentious tools who, on camera, say how they’re trying to work
together, but, in secret, bully their party colleagues into vowing to never cow
to the demands of the other side. They
won’t even entertain the idea of compromise to deal with the issues they were
elected and are paid to do. I’m not
surprised though. They act the way their
constituents act. So perhaps they’re
just doing what they’ve been hired to do after all.

Frankly, I’m sick of it.
I keep remembering poor Rodney King, God rest his soul, saying, “Can’t
we all just get along?” Well, can’t we? I, for one, think we can. The world just needs to look to the writing
community for a good example.

I’ve worked in various industries, and while I never had any
enemies, in the end, it was always about looking out for number one. You’d think in an industry such as ours,
where we, as writers, don’t operate as a team, but rather as individuals, that
we’d be more cutthroat, more backstabbing and winner-take-all. Yet that’s about as far from the truth as you
can get.

Perhaps it’s the ambiguity of the prize, the fact that what
we each have to offer differs so much and that makes it seem like we’re not
truly competing with each other, but it hardly explains why, as a community,
we’re so…friendly and helpful, so cooperative and supportive. I’ve heard of a few writers who got jealous
when someone they knew landed an agent or a book deal, but those are rare.

I’m not entirely sure why but, I think what we share is
something akin to how disaster survivors are seen and treated by those
unaffected, kind of a there-but-for-the-grace-of-God mentality. Or maybe it’s just that we know what it’s
like to fail, to be rejected, and our hearts ache. That would mean we are compassionate, as
humans are wont to be. We see the other side
as something more than just competition, more than the enemy, more than the
scavenger trying to steal our nuts. We
see them as we see ourselves, and that is what the world needs more of.

27 comments:

Really great post, and it's true. I once asked for help with my query on twitter, not expecting a reply, but two writers who were basically strangers said they'd be happy to exchange emails with me to make it the best it could be. Writers are really nice people :)

Love this post. There is too much anger in the world, too much contention. I have seen some backbiting, jealousy, and bitterness in the writing world. But mostly we help, and comfort each other. I hope it continues.

Conflict sells, plain and simple. That's why the news focuses so much on it, and that's why we don't see happy, touchy-feely reality shows about Amish barn-raisings, let's say. And if we did, we'd undoubtedly soon see one farmer scheming to make sure the other guy's walls weren't quite straight or something. It's unfortunate.

Great post! I can relate to the conflict avoidance (me, too) and bickering kids (I'm about ready to tie mine to the *bumper* the next time they fight over seating arrangement - LOL), and I agree about the writing community. You nailed it. :)

If you haven't heard of it before, you should take a look at the enneagram. From what you just said, I'd say you are a 9, probably with a 1 wing, but I wouldn't swear to that. [I'm a 1 with a 9 wing.]

I'd like to agree with you about the writing community, but... well, there's still all this stuff going on over at Amazon due to multiple authors creating dozens (or hundreds, in at least one case) of fake accounts to give authors bad reviews on their books. So I can't say it's all writers.

Great post! Very thought-provoking. I do agree that it's probably about having other people who know what you're going through. I mean, before I was in this community, I'd never met a single other writer (at least not that I knew about). So blogging felt like a relevation. I can't imagine being bitter about someone else's success.

It's just so much easier to get along in life, isn't it? I don't like confrontation either (which really served me well working in a jail -- really, I rarely had any problems) Yet, like you, if I'm provoked I'll stand my ground. I'm no pushover either.

But I can honestly say, outside of one particular short-lived incident, I've had no problems with anyone online in two years of blogging. And when I go to writing conferences I'm always, always blown away by how friendly people are. We're a good group. :)

Beautiful post, Nancy. And I agree totally. I hate conflict. It wears on me little else does, which is one of the reasons my day job is so hard right now. And all it takes is one person to make life miserable.

Sorry I'm late, Nancy; I've been writing. But I'm here now to say Bravo. You are so right. While I do have a mouth on me, I have to be pushed pretty hard before I have a melt down. Otherwise I'm like you, why sweat the small stuff. Raising 5 sons probably help turn me into a negotiator for the sake of my sanity, I'm sure.

I was very much like you - peacemaker in my family. But I can also be quite confrontational. I will stand up for myself and fight if I feel the need. But it wore on me when I had to and because I'm really stubborn I don't back down. Anyway, perhaps writers just tend to have a broader perspective and more open mind. At least, I've met so many very kind ones.

So beautifully said. I've often thought the same thing about the contestants on American Idol. They're competing against each other, but I see them cheering each other on from the audience. Our community is truly special, and I'm so thankful for it.

I'm also a non-confrontational type and have always been the one trying to smooth over disagreements. Honestly I can't believe there are so many people who actually enjoy bickering and arguing, it's so incomprehensible to me!You are so right about the writing community, you really hit the nail on the head!

About Me

Mother, wife, author, editor, designer.
I am the author of two dark romantic thrillers, The Mistaken, my debut, and Leverage, the sequel. I'm currently working on my third novel, a psycho-sexual thriller titled Stirred