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Friday, February 15, 2013

What Life has taught me about Friendship (So far…)

"A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow." ~ William Shakespeare

The nature of friendships has been on my mind
lately. I don’t need to tell you the benefits of having a friend because I’m
sure we’ve all felt the positive impacts of a friend, especially a good friend.
And if we haven’t, we soon will. Sometimes when I emerge for a quick break out
of my writing world, I think about how somewhat anti-social I’ve been or rather
that I haven’t been as a good a friend as I should be. I obsess over the
details of what makes a great friend and that process leads to absolutely
nothing because in the end there really is no perfect formula for the perfect
friendship. And who wants to stress over friendships? Love and the actions that back it up are the most important things. But, I still want to share a list of
what life has taught me about friendship:

Don’t over think it.

It’s better to let things be without torturing yourself over
minute details about whether this was done right or wrong, especially when it
concerns the past. Just go with the flow, live in the moment, and if there are
big decisions to be made, trust your gut to do the right thing. We’re all old
enough to have learned a little from life about right and wrong. You should
also never ever be anyone but yourself because if you can’t be real with your
friends, then who can see the real you? Sometimes we feel we can’t be our true
selves around our own families. That’s when friends lend an arm to save us from
drowning.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for."

~ Bob Marley

A long period of
non-communication doesn’t necessarily mean it’s over.

Sometimes you can pick up where you left off. We’re all
involved in some project or other, and it can take time away from friendships,
but as long as one friend or the other remembers to give that call or send that
message, true friends can continue right along as if there was never a lull in the
friendship to begin with.

It’s okay to let
friendships finish their course. Don’t force it.

There’s a time for everything, and if you sense a friendship
is stagnant with no more room for growth, it’s okay to let that person go and
move on. Also, if you’re the only one putting effort into a friendship and the
other person isn’t, well, that can be a signal to release as well. It’s never a
good feeling for both sides when someone is forcing something to exist that is
no longer there. People change, and that's okay.

"Silence makes the real conversations between friends. Not the saying, but the never needing to say that counts." ~ Margaret Lee Runbeck

Don’t mistake companionate love for Eros love.

This one is tricky. There’s this consensus peering over our shoulders that
you if love someone, you should tell them, which is true, but not all love is
the same. Misunderstandings can take over to bring about painful awkwardness and
may even transform a friendship into something else that is less satisfying or
poignant than the previous nature of the relationship. However, I’m not saying
people shouldn’t fall in love with their friends because it’s been shown to
happen, and sometimes friends even marry each other. Shoot, I hope the person I
marry ends up being my best friend as well. But, this isn’t always the case, so
this is where a little thinking before acting wouldn’t hurt.

You will find a
friend who becomes family.

Soul mates aren’t limited to couples that have found eternal
romantic love, but include friends too: two people who swear they must have
been born from the same mother sometime or another. Or as like to I call my own
soul mate of a friend: “My sister from another mother.” You’re in sync, cry and
laugh together, share the deepest secrets, reveal yourself completely and truly
without fear of judgment or rejection, and love unconditionally. No fear, no
pressure, total acceptance, and genuine love for each other and each other’s growth.
If something good happens to this person, you feel as if it’s happening to you.
This friendship is no accident and has no end.

"We'll be Friends Forever, won't we, Pooh?" asked Piglet

"Even longer," Pooh answered.

~ A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

These are solely my experiences with friendship. How about
you? What do you think when it comes to friendship? I’d love to hear your
thoughts!

6 comments:

Good post. Good question! I think a person's true relatives are scattered all over the world and don't always number among one's immediate kin. The friends I've found over the years connect me to the universe in a way I couldn't manage without them.

Good thoughts on friendship. I can identify with the idea that not being in touch doesn't mean the friendship is over. My best friend and I are like this and I've finally learned to accept that we don't have to talk every week to keep the friendship. We text periodically but only talk on the phone every couple weeks or so. We try to get together once a month, but don't always succeed.

"It is nothing to die. It is frightful not to live." - Victor Hugo, Les Misérables

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