Surprisingly, this "Steven Seagal used me as his sex toy" story isn't going away

Just as his deputy sheriff career was finally taking off, allegations have surfaced this week that action-star-turned-postmodern-construct Steven Seagal hired a 23-year-old former model as his “sex toy” back in February, something she has now decided was totally not okay. In the lawsuit (posted in its entirety on TMZ), Kayden Nguyen details how she was hired as Seagal’s “executive assistant,” only to discover that Seagal had been “keeping two young female Russian 'Attendants' on staff who were available for his sexual needs 24 hours a day, 7 days a week,” that one of them had recently quit, and that her new job—as opposed to attending to the various networking, typing, and filing duties associated with keeping Steven Seagal Enterprises (note: this is a real thing) functioning in a 21st-century economy—would actually be to take her place as his Girl Friday Is The Day I Usually Sexually Assault Someone. Among the predictably sordid details in the suit are charges that Seagal forced her to consume illegal pills while also forcing himself on her (including attempting to “suck her breasts and nipples,” a mental image for which you’re totally welcome, really), as well as engaging in sex trafficking. Nguyen is seeking $1 million.

This story is admittedly old as far as news cycles go, and we’ve been ignoring it in hopes that it’ll go away, but it looks like it’s really only just beginning. Following an official response from Seagal’s camp that Nguyen’s allegations didn’t have a “scintilla of truth” (also the name of a really great Ohio-area prog-rock band, and if not, it should be) that also accused her of being a “disgruntled ex-employee who was fired for using illegal narcotics,” Seagal’s lawyer sent yet another letter saying that Nguyen’s allegations violate a confidentiality agreement she signed—so even if she is telling the truth about Seagal, she can expect to be countersued. Today Nguyen’s lawyer responded that Seagal’s “cheap shot threats that might have intimidated other victims and their lawyers don't phase [sic] me,” while also saying that “five other victims called me yesterday.” Also complicating matters: The inevitable revelations that the former model has done things that could be used against her in the press, such as taking "come-hither," clearly-she’s-a-harlot! sexy photos and appearing on an episode of The Tyra Banks Show, where she regrettably said she can “trick any guy” into getting whatever she wants. The plot, as they say, thickens, so you can probably expect to hear a lot more about this whole mess, which casts an unfortunate shadow over Seagal’s otherwise upstanding reputation. Now it will be all but impossible to take On Deadly Ground seriously.