My Life So Far

Marriage Should Make Us More Holy Than Happy

This marriage is not so picture-perfect after all, and we've accepted that and are working to make this more holy than fulfilling a fairytale happy ending.

I had a fairy-tale dream wedding and I married the man of my dreams on November 17, 2007. We dated for 7 years before he popped the question and we were the sweetest of high school sweethearts...in my opinion. I knew I was meant to marry this man years and years before he asked for my hand.

Little does everyone know that this seemingly perfect union has been a struggle for both of us. We've encountered challenges well beyond our years; we've experienced losing loved ones and even our own baby-to-be; we're constantly tested with worldly temptations like everyone else. This marriage is not so picture-perfect after all, and we've accepted that and are working to make this more holy than fulfilling a fairytale happy ending.

My husband and I for the first time have turned to the Word for marriage counseling from a Christian perspective. We have had the most difficult past few months in our relationship. I've caused him a lot of pain and have even experienced unbelievable pain myself when I miscarried. We've had a lot of growing up to do in these past few months. I am blessed to say that we're working so hard to grow up together spiritually. In order for our relationship to be as amazing as it can be, we have turned to the Bible to lead our lives.

I always thought that submission to a man was a sign of weakness and meant that I could no longer be self-sufficient. I understand now that mentality was a bunch of bull. In the Bible, I've learned that wives must submit to the husbands. The husbands are our providers, protectors and basically they rule and own our homes. I have learned it is my role as a loving wife to be a follower of Christ. The only way to truly live a Christian life as a loving wife is to submit to your husband.

For the first time, I'm totally dependent on my man. I am no longer a working professional in the corporate world. We're a single income family with only my self-owned business contributing with commission checks. Every purchase I make, I ask him first. Every investment decision I am forced to make, I consult him first. That's the way it should have been from the start. That's the way it will always be moving forward. The money I make is ours. The money he makes is ours. The financial responsibilities that exist are both of our burdens to manage responsibly. When I was in the working world and even as a newlywed, I didn't understand that.

I adore my grandmother who currently is suffering with severe episodes of dementia. But what I'll never forget is her humor which we must all be forgiving of since she was never raised to know any better. She always entertained her grandchildren when speaking of marriage and her stubborn beliefs. She would say in her marriage to my late grandfather that what was hers was hers and what was his was also hers. The grand kids would always laugh at that...but with nervous laughter since it was so wrong. But for some reason, I let her ignorant convictions influence my own marriage. When I was working in that J-O-B I saw every incoming paycheck as MY contribution rather than it being our collective efforts to sustain our financial debts. I believed the money I made was MY money. The money he made was HIS. I was so wrong.

Marriage is a partnership and everything becomes one. You may be sitting here thinking, well duh! But for me, it took lessons learned to fully grasp that concept. Now, we do our budgeting together and every dollar spent is never done without his knowledge and approval. That was my first step into submission, and praise God for that.

Submission does not make me less than self-sufficient. Submissions makes me the wife God intended me to be. Submission makes me play the role I married into. Submission is first in order to have a successful and spiritually fruitful life with my loving husband. It took me over two years of marriage to understand that. It took us a lot of pain and confusion to come to that conclusion.

For those of you who are married...and I have no doubt you were blessed to marry the man of your dreams...I challenge you to look at your own relationship and where you stand in it. Are you submissive? Are you working to make your partnership more holy than happy? Are you striving to follow Christ so only He can guide your marriage? I'm only now beginning to. I dare each of you to do the same. I promise, it will change your world completely.