A particularly unattractive form of football practiced by Heart of Midlothian. It involves the hoof, a long punt up the pitch by either the goalkeeper or defenders, making sure that the ball travels at least 40 yards in the air. Typically Hearts employ the hoof around 50-60 times per game. Spectators watching hoofball on a regular basis suffer from a variety of complaints; depression and neck ache from staring at the sky for 90 minutes are the two most common.

Heart of Midlothian were totally outplayed; their reliance on hoofball with only one striker only served to emphasise the incompetence of their coaching staff.

Popular game devised by pupils who attended Wellington School, Ayr. When an unlimited number of players take it in turns to kick a soft pink ball about a gym hall, trying inexplicantly to smack the most annoying person in the room, on the face. The definition comes from the word 'hoof', meaning to 'uncontrollably kick a ball at someones direction.'

"Coming for a game of 'Hoofball' Sheriff?
Nah, i'm going for lunch. I'm hungry."