Midnight in the Gardens of Marvin

It's common knowledge that it takes a series of pretty bad life choices to end up as a corrupt, overweight police captain in a fetid South American backwater, (just ask John Glynn,) but yesterday's Rip Haywire probes a bit deeper into the overworked, choleterol-clogged heart of darkness. Surely, whoever gave the strip's bad-guy du jour such terrible Monopoly advice must bear the brunt of the blame for setting him on his regrettable life path of corpulent criminal schemery.

For if there is one thing that every right-thinking citizen learns from the very cradle, nay, the womb, it's that pretty much anything can stop he who controls Marvin Gardens.

Good luck, El Capitan -- no Community Chest in the world can save you.