More specifically, Mr. 305 released a track instructing Wayne to refrain from "shitting where he eats" and -- to our grand delight -- Para de comer tanta pinga. Which, in so many words, is a command that Birdman Junior eat dick.

Pitbull's localism should be a bold example for every star in Dade County to stand up and defend these millionaire athletes from this millionaire pop star.

These two are the First Couple of Miami's Latin beat. They are the Duke and Duchess of tropical riddim. They are King and Queen Conga. And we think Gloria and Emilio need to reform Miami Sound Machine as an A-Team-style ass-kicking troupe and beat the living shit out of Dwayne Carter with maracas.

Hey, Wayne was dissing the Big B's Big Three. And there is no fury like that of a mascot whose star players have been dissed. Burnie needs to lay the smackdown, pronto.

7. Trick Daddy

The Mayor of the County of Dade needs to declare war on Cash Money's pride and joy.

6. Iggy Pop and/or Irish Nicky

Hey, what if the Godfather of Punk and Miami's favorite limey bartender jumped Lil Wayne in Little Haiti?

5. Trina

Or maybe this is a job for Trick Daddy's right-hand trick, Trina. After all, she is the baddest bitch.

4. Alonzo Mourning

Because Alonzo Mourning is the Lancelot of South Florida sports.

3. Dave Barry

Imagine Dave Barry basing a novel around Weezy F. Baby's feud with the Miami Heat. Or maybe you shouldn't.

2. Skrawberry

Skrawberry lives a busy life: stripping at King of Diamonds, doling out King Solomon-like wisdom and advice for Miami New Times, and taking provocative selfies. We think it's time she add hitwoman to her CV.

1. Norman Braman

Because he can do anything. He's Norman Braman.

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