Trump Wants to Look Perfect for Evening with Putin

With just a few hours to spare before Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin meet in Helsinki, Finland, reports have surfaced that Trump is abnormally fixated on his personal appearance looking perfect for Putin. Journalists present during Trump’s meeting preparation have given an account of the conversation between him and his personal hair and makeup artist, Sarah Shelton.

As Trump remained obsessive about his appearance in the mirror, Sarah explained to him, “Mr. President, you look great! Stunning, actually! I think you’re just a bit nervous. You understand that the meeting is still 11 hours from now, correct?”

“Don’t talk to me about time, Sarah.” Trump snapped, “I’m the damn President. I think I know what time my meeting is, okay? I just want to look perfect for Vlad. He’s very rich and very powerful, and I just don’t want him to think any less of me.”

Trump looked closely into the mirror, muttering under his breath, “Oh, yes. That’s right Vlad. Feed on me.”

“Ew.” Sarah said before she could catch herself, “I mean! Ewe look like just the kind of man that will appeal to Putin! As long as you look him in the eye, and project confidence, you’ll do great!”

Trump pondered for a moment, “What about this cologne, Sarah? Do you think he’ll like this cologne? I mean, I don’t know how this meeting will go. We may get close to each other, and I want to give off the right signal.”

“Yes, Mr. President,” Sarah said, “I researched this fragrance before I used it. This one is in Putin’s personal collection.”

Trump smiled, “I knew I liked you for a reason, Sarah. What about my hands? Do they look big?”