Transparency Transparent Bullshit

Transparency Transparent Bullshit

Transparency implies that the information, communication, or the accountability of ones’ actions are, in effect, basically easy to see and understand. In other words, transparency points towards full disclosure. I’m not sure how you feel, but the word transparency was one I’d hoped would be shelved in 2018 as it was so overused in 2017 that—had the word an expiration date— it would have perished long before the ball dropped in New York City this past New Year’s Eve.

Politicians love the word transparency. Obama once claimed that he had the most transparent administration in history. Donald Trump likes to complain about the lack of transparency of past administrations, yet he was beyond non-cooperative about sharing his own taxes when asked. In fact, when you search the internet, there are tons of articles about how Trump is the least transparent President of all time.

Politicians overuse of the word transparency has—in my opinion—basically saturated our brains to the point that it has become part of our ‘urban’ language. All of a sudden, the word transparency is popping up in everyday conversations as the new ‘catch-phrase’ of the moment. Personally, I am so sick of hearing the word, especially when it is misused and misrepresented.

So how do you know if you are Transparent, exhibiting Transparency… or if you are just full of BULLSHIT!

Dating Transparency

If I am dating you and you say to me that ‘you can ask me anything, I am so transparent’, so I decide to ‘brave-up’ and ask you—hoping the answer is going to be NO—if you are dating anyone else. When you answer me with something to the effect of ‘No, I only date one woman at a time’ I, for a minute, am grateful that I ‘braved-up’ and asked that ‘oh-so-sensitive’ and awkward dating question, now loving your transparent handsome self.

So, when I have lunch with a single-girlfriend two days later, telling her how ecstatic I am to have a transparent ‘boyfriend-in-the-making’ who confirmed that he is onlydating me; she in turn is happy for me, and it makes her optimistically-hopeful that there are still good men in Los Angeles.

So, when my single-girlfriend is at the bar at Craig’s later that night, and she spots YOU canoodling in a booth with some other chick, not only does she text me straight away blowing your lying-not-so-transparent-ass out of the water, but captures the public snogging on her iPhone rendering your changes of ‘worming your way out’ of this situation – impossible.

News Flash – YOU are not transparent, you are full of BULLSHIT!

Friendship Transparency

If you are my friend, and you sense that maybe I might be a bit more distant than normal, and you call me asking me if anything is up, reminding me that you are ‘so transparent, and that I can ask you anything’. So, I decide to ‘girl-up’ and tell you that my feelings are hurt as I have heard from two different friends that you think my blog and my writing endeavors are a waste of my time, energy and money—time, energy and money that would have been better spent on dating sites trying to find a husband.

You, of course, are upset, and tell me that I shouldn’t listen to gossip, and you would never say those things. So, when I tell you that I heard the same story from two different friends who both know you—yet don’t know each other—I therefore find it highly suspicious that they would both have the same identical story, as they obviously can’t co-conspire if they don’t know each other.

As a result, your transparency bubble has suddenly become quite murky, and you are now officially caught and convicted of ridiculous and petty mean-girl behavior.

You are not transparent – you are full of BULLSHIT!

Random Stranger Transparency

If I am at a cocktail party and I meet you for the first time, and in an effort to try and get to know me, you start talking politics. You go on to pontificate how our political institutions and politicians should be more open-minded, less polarized, emphasizing honesty and full transparency. So, when I bring up our current Commander in Chief’s litany of embarrassing Twitter rants, you then slam me for having an opinion.

Guess what? You are not transparent at all—rather, you are just a big-talker narrow-minded non-transparent individual who showed me his true colors up front, saving me from wasting any more of my life listening to your BULLSHIT!

Okay, ‘nuff said. I think you get my point.

And the moral of this transparent story is…

If you say you are something, please try to mean what you say, or at least understand the definition of the word that you are claiming to be!

The truth always seems to come out, no matter how transparent you claim to be.

Why do I get the feeling that the phrase that I hope will expire by the end of 2018 is“No Collusion”

Sending a shout out to all the Dog LOVERS out there, please check out my novel, ‘Where the Dogs Go’ by Janell Martin! www.WheretheDogsGo.com

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Advice My Father Gave Me

Advice my father gave me…

My Father, with one of the model planes he built from scratch! They actually fly!

Father’s Day, it’s this weekend. For all the lucky folks out there who have a father they love, make sure you let him know on Father’s Day how much he means to you. I was very blessed to have a father whom not only did I love and cherish, but also one who always let me know how deeply loved I was. No matter what was going on in my life – kids bullying me in school for being dyslexic, boyfriends breaking my heart, work pushing me to the brink of insanity – no matter what obstacles I faced, my dad always put things in perspective, made me feel safe, but most importantly… I never once questioned his love for me. Being loved by your parents is such a tremendous gift; really, it is.

My father was funny, jovial, and always had a way of putting everyone at ease. He had a kind and generous heart—and even though he was an extremely forgiving and understanding human being—his bandwidth for bullshit had its limits.

YOU SEE…

Jealousy and gossip are two things that can destroy lives. When I was 13, my class had its ‘study period’ taken away due to several of my classmates’ incorrigible behavior. Instead, we were forced to take a remedial math class— one that didn’t count towards our GPA. It was basically a punishment for unruly behavior, but I looked at it as a way to try and learn or rather re-learn concepts that I was having issues with, as my dyslexic mind struggled with all concepts Math-related. Well, when the semester ended, the teacher decided to give us a mark regardless, but it was only for EFFORT, and not for achievement. So, when my two best friends—who were Math geniuses—got A’s, and when I got the A+, they were pissed. Their pissed-selves decided that little Janell was the teacher’s pet, and they set about to basically destroy me. They started rumors about me, and within a few months not one single girl in the entire 9th grade would talk to me. I remember, with incredible clarity, walking into my classroom after gym class one day, to find all the girls in my class, huddled in the back of the room whispering. When I sat down in my seat, the whispers abruptly stopped. There was absolute silence in the room. I knew that they had been talking about me. So, I got up to leave as I felt uncomfortable, and when I started to walk out the door, they all applauded.

Truly, this was one of my worst ‘bullying’ Mean Girl life moments. I was so ashamed of what was going on at school that I never told my parents. Instead, I kept it bottled-up inside, and eventually fell sick from the trauma, ending up with viral pneumonia from the stress of it all. I was hospitalized for almost a month, and almost died.

When I had finally recovered and had to go back to school, I was nervous to face everyone, as by this time the Principal had confronted my nasty so called ‘best-friends’ and everyone else involved in torturing me. I was worried that not only would going back to school be hard on me, but that most likely I would never be able to convert any of these girls back to being friends with me.

AND MY FATHER SAID…

Me and my Dad!

“Why would you want to be friends with any of these girls?” “When you see a crack in the foundation, you don’t buy the house.” He went on to tell me that when you see someone’s true character, and you don’t like what you see, that you just need to move on and leave that person behind; the same way you wouldn’t purchase a house that had an unstable foundation, as most likely the house would be too costly to fix, or unfixable. I, obviously, had seen what all of these girls were made up of, and how easy it had been for them to convince the entire 9th grade female student body to hate me, and how easily the other girls followed suit and turned on me. So, I put my ‘big girl pants on’, gutted up, went back to school, and little by little found some new friends.

It was a tough life lesson, one that is painful even to this day. Yet, I think my father’s wise words are a good metaphor for life. When you discover something about someone and when what you uncover truly tears at the core of your soul, something that bothers you deeply on many levels, you just have to let this person go. Being around someone you can’t genuinely trust, is as my father said, “a vexation to your soul.”

So, I take my dad’s advice. I still give people enough rope to hang themselves, but when I see that someone is untrustworthy, dishonest, calculating, devious or when someone’s ‘chemically-dependent- demons’ make me feel vulnerable and unsafe, I eventually phase them out of my life. You don’t have to make a big deal or a big scene, you just let them go. You should only allow people around you who are mentally and emotionally healthy, and who have integrity and strength of character. When you let go of the negative people in your life, you open up space for great positive ones to flow in.

So, on this Father’s Day, take time to show your dad how much you love him. My father was such a rock in my life, one whose love and support I likely took for granted, as I believed I would have him for at least another 30 years before I had to worry about him leaving this earth. I was robbed of my father, as was my entire family, when he passed away at 60 years of age.

When you lose someone whom you love so much, and when the pain is unbearable, and people say things like… that the person is in your heart, or time will heal all wounds, you literally want to punch them in the face, because you are in such tremendous pain that you can’t even wrap your sorrow around that thought. But it is true, time does heal all wounds; or, at least it softens them. Even though my dad is no longer here, he truly is always in my heart: the lessons he taught me and the love that he gave me, has shaped me to be the person that I am today, and it keeps me strong.

So thanks Dad, I know you are watching over me, as I do feel you around me at times. Plus, I have a core that is made up of all the good stuff that you gave me: love, compassion, understanding, work ethics, dedication and honesty.

I hope you are proud of the woman that I am still becoming.

Happy Father’s Day everyone; always cherish the love that is around you, as love is our greatest gift! And remember… No more BULLSHIT in your life!