Stephen Curry‘s ankle used up its final sick day of the year, because unlike weak ankles themselves, sick days don’t roll over. (Boom! Nailed it.) Dwyane Wade? His left foot caused an early exit. Then a quarter later, his right foot told his left to stop being such a damn sissy, strap on an extra sock and get back out there. Wade told both feet he hates it when they fight and then re-entered the game to hit the game-winner against Charlotte. Eric Gordon didn’t play because of a swollen knee he didn’t bother telling anyone about. I’m assuming two things here: 1) Eric Gordon owns a bunk bed and sleeps on the top, 2) last night he fell of it – which is embarrassing – and the team came up with some bogus tale of a basketball-related bruise, and 3) I said there were two assumptions. You have no business inquiring about number three. Jrue Holiday mashed his knee and silently left the game. He’s likely to return Friday. And as if losing four top 10 guards wasn’t enough, I’ll throw in a Mike Conley, who went down with a sprain less than a minute into his match against OKC, and George Hill, who is shooting .154 in two games this season. … Wait. I’ve been told George Hill is not injured. Really? Are you sure? Because he really seems injured. Ugh. Anyway, if you’re wondering how to vulture these injuries, your pickups are as follows: Jarrett Jack (21/4/9, with 2 blk; will find a way to play 52 minutes a game),Lou Williams(if Holiday can’t go, but all signs point to him being able to, uh, go), Jeremy Pargo (looked like Collison two years ago), Marco Belinelli (looks like Marco Belinelli – always), James Jones (if Wade’s left dog is barking at him tomorrow) and Ish Smith, in that order. Now that all that unpleasantness is out of the way, here’s s’more fantasy basketball goings-on from last night.

Paul George – 18/4/2, with 4 3ptm all by hisself. He’s the George Hill George Hill sees in the mirror when George Hill is having one of those confident days.

James Johnson – 6/8/2, with 6 stls and 2 blks. He’s averaging 5.5/ 7/3.5, with 4 stls and 2.5 blks in his first two games of the season. Did you miss grabbing Andre Iguodala in the draft? Want another chance at him (minus a few field-goals)? Here you go. I totally believe, with the exception of maybe these steals, he can do this all year and more if he overtakes Rasual Butler in the starting lineup.

DeMar DeRozan – Sank two threes. He’s never made two threes in one game before. He’s only made nine threes in total before tonight. That’s it. I just like mentioning weird things. Speaking of which: Corey Maggette!

Corey Maggette – Didn’t throw in a single point during Charlotte’s 60-point first half against the Heat. It’s probably harder to go 0-for-8 than 8-for-8 in this league. Everyone in the NBA is paid to be there and they’re paid to be there because they are among the best at what they do. Maggette is paid to score. Therefore it’s not ridiculous to say he’s among the best in the world at doing so. It would be considered impressive if he went 8-for-8, but not unthinkable. It’s unthinkable that he’d unsuccessfully put the biscuit in the basket against a team that hasn’t shown this season that it can stop anyone from doing so.

Boris Diaw – 16/16/8 and now he’s averaging 12.5/12/9.5. I’m confident he’ll keep up this pace all season. I don’t own him in any leagues, so either I’m right or I’m happy. And THAT’S how you hedge a bet, sister!

Gerald Henderson – 21/4/4, with a three, two blocks and two steals. He’s had a couple great games and all of a sudden he’s gotten the “Hendo” nickname. I’m partial toward Hender’s Game, but that’s because I believe there is a place for science-fiction references in basketball, even though no one else does.

Jordan Crawford – Shot 0-for-6 from the field and ended with one point in 22 minutes. Nick Young, on the other hand, finished with 21 in 32 minutes. Not only that, he doled out four assists. FOUR! /puts hands on hips and looks around\ FOUR!

Marvin Williams – 17/8, with a pair of threes, a couple of steals and a block because everybody enjoys a good block now and again. He’s averaging 15.5/8.5, with 2 3ptm and 2.5 stls in two weird games to start the season. He’s playing like he’s been expected to play for three years. And because he hasn’t played that way in these last three years, I’m guessing we’re in for a regression sooner than later.

Ramon Sessions – Sessions had six assists, or 24 Nick Young Assists™. His final line: 16/7/6 in 28 minutes. Another blowout, this time in Cleveland’s favor. Play him if you own him, but these last two games have been coincidental flukes.

Brandon Knight – 23 points on 13 shots, six dimes and three threes. The only downside to the guy is that his name is Brandon. I don’t trust Brandons or guys who spell their name as “Geoffrey.”

Austin Daye – Talk about night and day, Austin is the anti-Knight. Drop him until he shows anyone anything.

Jeremy Pargo – 15/3/7, with a pair of steals. MAGNOFALACIO! Minutes Ain’t Got No Face As Long As Conley Is Out. Sorry, Grey.

Elton Brand – Took only seven shots against possibly the worst team in the West; made only two of them. He’s averaging 7/8.5/2 in his first two games. Let’s move on. It’s stinging my nostrils and I’m getting dizzy.

Evan Turner – 12/7/2, with a steal. He’s averaging 11/5.5/2, with a steal in his first two games. This is technically an improvement over last year (so far), but remember: E.T. phoned in a 16/7/4, 1 block game in almost 31 minutes in his second game last season. What I’m saying is, let’s talk in February.

Robin Lopez – 7/6/3, in 20 minutes. If I were holding a metaphorical sunflower, it would comically droop now.

Steve Nash – 4/0/1, 6 tov in 17 minutes and he’s not hurt. … … … His worst game last season was 4/0/1, with 2 tovs.

Derrick Favors – 2/10, with 3 tovs in 17 minutes. He’s spraying his game with weak sauce. Bench him if you’re in a deep league, drop him if you’re in a shallow. Make him show you something. Millsap is the stream if you’re into streaming. Actually, Favors was the stream, but it didn’t work out. That’ll teach you to stream on Millsap.

Alec Burks – 15 points and a steal in 10 minutes. If I had a fu-manchu, you best believe I’d be stroking it in anticipation of watching Burks’ next few games. I don’t, so I won’t. But if I did, I would.

Brandon Rush – Saw 25+ minutes last night, including the end of the game alongside Monta Ellis. Although he ended with 19/5 with a couple of threes and a couple of steals, I wouldn’t rush (pun!) to grab him. He’s splitting time with Ish Smith (11/6/4, with 2 steals) until Curry returns or “re-curries” if you’re into portmanteaus. Also, this line came while Bibby was guarding him. That’s worth something. Unless you’re Bibby. Then it’s not worth much.

@barker: Don’t waste your waiver priority on Delonte. DO drop Ebanks or Udoh for Pargo. You’ll probably only have Pargo for a week or two tops, then you can pick up whomever you dropped, as neither of those guys will suddenly be huge parts of the rotation.

@mindicohn: Just wait. It’s unlikely that any of the players you’re looking at are going to set the league on fire. Nothing is in focus right now. Some pickups are smarter than others, but a lot of teams ruin themselves by reacting too early or too much at this point in the season. Most of the FA pickups that win a league don’t happen on Day 2 or 3, they happen in Week 2 or 3.

Currently holding a pu pu platter of forwards until someone establishes himself as my #4. Have Delfino (3PTs have a little extra value in my H2H pts league), Kirilenko and Miles. Don’t want to make a hasty move, but I think James Johnson could have long-term value and, if I can’t get him, Harrington has looked like he might be useful again with half his team stuck in China. What move(s), if any, would you make?

@Steve Stevenson: I’d prefer Harrington over Delfino, so if that’s a move you wanted to make, I’d go ahead and make it. Also, I’ve seen enough to feel okay dropping C.J. for James Johnson. I’m not guaranteeing Miles is a bust or Johnson will produce more than he will, but stereotypically, the guy producing now is worth owning over the guy who maybe, possibly might produce in the near future.

@Dan: You’ve come correct in both assists and steals, but I fear your rebounding and 3ptm output is going to be low. If someone like Al Harrington is still available in the FA pool, I’d ditch RuFer and pick him up. If there aren’t any bigs with an outside shot available, try to swap AST+STL for 3PTM+RBD. Look at Ryan Anderson, Channing Frye, and so-on.

@Jeff From Tallahassee: Dudley is probably the most droppable guy among the three right now, but I wouldn’t consider dropping him for any of the guys you mentioned other than Johnson. And if you did that you’d be swapping Dudley’s scoring and range for Johnson’s everything else.

Me again, sorry. Do you think Michael Redd will have an impact for the Suns at all? I’m not expecting all-star production or anything, but 1.5 threes and maybe a ceiling of 14-18 points seem feasible with Nash feeding him the rock. Also, how will this impact Jared Dudley? Just wanted to pick your accomplished cranium.

@Gigantic Phil: I don’t think you’ll skate atop your league in RBD or 3PTM, but it doesn’t appear to be terrible (for a 13-team league). A lot of it kind of depends on your fliers. Dudley could be a huge help in threes … but he hasn’t been so far. Hibbert’s double-doubled in his first two games … he only double-doubled in a quarter of his games last season. Things like that. I don’t really think you need Bayless. Then again, I don’t really think you need Okur either. RE: REDD – I’ll look into it more tonight, but my initial reaction is that Redd hasn’t played more than 60 total games in the last three seasons and probably won’t make a dent.

@Lou: You got the best player in the deal and a nice sleeper if Douglas can turn things around after his shaky start. I like this trade, but I don’t quite love it. This feels more like a 2-for-1, than a 2-for-2 and I’m fearful that Monroe is on the edge of becoming an elite center in this league. I’m hoping for your sake it happens next season.

@Jeff: My guess is they’ll increase, Cleveland’s blowout win over Detroit didn’t help any of the starter’s minutes. It, did however, help Ramon Sessions’ production. Just something to keep in mind. The season is still early. Also, I kind of put Joe Kettle and Jack on the same level. You’ll get more scoring out of Jack, but Calderon is likely to net you more assists and better percentages.

@Booya: I’d do it. You get the best player and free up room for Beasley.

@George Costanza: Thanks! Nice of you to say. RE: Wall. Yeah, the early returns look to be that no one in Sacramento is going to pass the ball this season, including the guy paid to, among other things, pass the ball. First off, I might consider dropping Ariza and picking up Jamison. I really hate Ariza’s game and think he’s just as likely to hurt you on any given day as he is to help you. I might offer up Evans and either Crawford or Williams for Wall. Especially after Evans’ decent game against the Bulls, you might get the guy to bite. Do you have reason to think getting Wall is an option?

@Alex: Depends on need. Hendo’s likely to score more and get more minutes, Afflalo’s game is better for filling in the cracks. Like Battier or AK47 in their primes.