Friday, August 26, 2005

Bellyache & Headache Inducing Laughs from TWOP SYTYCD Show 6

I'm having such a good time laughing at/with the Television Without Pity forum postings, I decided to do a "highlight reel" of my favorite postings. I know that taking the quotes out of context will probably make them weak, but I sure enjoyed reading them the first time through. Obviously, you had to of watched the show Wednesday, August 23 on Fox or some taping of it. Some things may depend on watching earlier shows. Almost forgot, the headache and stomach cramp came from trying to hold in my laugh and not to laugh out loud while reading the board at my desk during lunch. Away we go.

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Avid EyesWas Shane Sparks the hip-hop coach last week too? That guy is spay-shul. He worked on "You Got Served," which if you haven't seen it is an utter craptasm of a movie with the maddest, wildest, most laws-of-physics-defying dance scenes in the history of ever. Totally worth checking out, as long as you fast forward through everything that is not dancing.

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ayla123Sandra and Jonnis, yep I already said goodbye to you last week. Live long and prosper.

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barkleyI think the dancers learned the "don't talk back" lesson from last week because they were kissing ass like crazy.

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Bentley Craig should be headlining musical revues at Disney World. He's just got that look and that style.

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Bigwheels1971 "The Mia Michaels Dance Troupe's matching costumes look like they were recycled from a some other production."

The Flintstones?

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blodweddJonnis is a turd. He seems to think his dancing is perfect and all constructive criticism is wrong. I watched his couples dance from last week for a second time. Not only was he lacking smoothness when locking arms with his partner and twisting in and out. But he was doing that rubberbandy, scarecrow move, undulating his torso when he should have been holding himself upright. He kept moving his pelvis as far as possible from Melissa. Freudian? Good riddence.

I agree with whoever said it last week that the last minute comments about the people who should be worried about elimination are actually intended to get those people extra votes.

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bobatouI also have not been a Kamilah fan but her routine last night was amazing and I thought it was because she stopped trying to be The Sexy and just danced and she's good.

I was thinking why oh why didn’t' Sandra do that tap routine instead of tapping cheerleader on crack routine (or whatever Nigel called it)…she may still be here if she had.

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CamembertI watched the episode in high definition. Nick had some chest hair going on. I think he forgot to shave and/or wax. I personally don't like chest stubble (it hurts!), so either have chest hair or don't.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CanaduckI'll miss Jonnis's hair.

I wish Nigel would pull his head out of his ass. Serious hate building here.

I really wish they'd quit trying to manufacture drama. I HATE all the uncomfortable questions they force Sanchez to spring on the dancers. "Would you like to bitch out the judges for what they just said?" (Well that's what it amounts to.) Or, "Do you think you pulled it off?" Note to Nigel: Your audience's IQ is well over 60. Someone needs to backhand the ESL writers (or Sanchez, if she ad-libbed) for this, preceding Sandra's retrospective: "....sharing your journey to America."

It's probably the old fogey in me but I detest seeing guys wearing their ball caps backwards. Especially adult men. (I'm looking at you, Brian.) To me, it's like waving a sign that says, "Hi! I'm the village idiot!"

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crackinup"After being so excited about tonight's show for the past week, I'm now totally irritated that I tuned in to see practically the same couples dancing practically the same styles as last week."

Wordy McWord with a side of spicy Word sauce. What an unbelievable oversight to not have prevented that. Can't help ratings either. Nigel must have been so busy fabricating bullshit drama, he forgot to actually produce the show.

I officially love Brian, he's the only one of the lot who can deliver criticism constructively. Still can't decide if Dan is comedy gold or just a conceited jackass. In the meantime, I'll admit it, I thought the judges were spot on for most of tonight, and Dan's "quick step is sucking the life out of me" comment had me rolling. And Dan's comment is about Ryan's HAIR? *Throws rocks at Dan's head, they bounce back.*

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danely"I really hate that Mia Michaels and her gooey, liquid, granola, huggy dancing. She reminds me of somebody's mother who always wants to hug you when you come over and talk about crystals and yogurt and loving your own lumpy body."

I really imagine her as those hippie ladies that's always having affairs with her young proteges.

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dcgrrrlActually, I would love to see [Blake & Snow together], if only for trainwreck value. I'm not sure two egos that big can fit on the same stage. And will the cameras explode from that much whoring? Not to mention the diva-tastic rehearsals. Fox Network, hear my prayers!

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Devon RoseI thought their last performances were the worst of the bunch. Although, I do have to give Craig points for doing his breath, "six-pack," breath, "six-pack" repetitions when he was talking to Lauren. Heh!

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djork Screw this male/female partner thing. If Blake & Artem danced that lyrical piece together, it would have been the most beautiful thing on this show.

Blake is just so beautiful and captivating to watch. And Artem, wow, he just brought this masculine sensuality and such depth of emotion, it really elevated their performance.

What is with the smiling with Destini & Ashle? Destini is worse because her smile is like pageant smile. Ashle is lucky her hair distracted from her facial expressions because she would also start smiling at inappropiate times. And even luckier Artem was carrying the emotional center-piece of their program.

I was cracking up when Mia was telling Ashle to approach the touch like a human not a dancer. It sounds kooky but it is so true. That is exactly why I was not feeling Destini and Ashle as much. I takes a lot of artisty to pull off Mia's pieces, otherwise it does look like a bunch of pretty flopping.

There 'ya go, Artem & Blake are my ideal dance couple.

Craig's pop-lock was kinda sad. Little Melody had more toughness in her and she got the technique much better. His chest-locking looked like Richard Simmons puffing his chest in his crazy workouts -- 'I must, I must increase my bust', lol.

I used to liked Craig's smile when I thought there was just sweetness behind it. Last night there was sneering and arrogance behind it, stupid grin. And really, the excess smiling on this show, grrr argh! It's like 'Oooh, smile for the camera, look pretty!' even if in the middle of an emotive or edgy piece.

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egbertDo we really care what Marie Osmond thinks about hip-hop?Do we care what hip-hop judge boys think of any ballroom dances?And there's no Muppet dance that Nigel can adequately judge?

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ellbeeWhile I'm griping, can we get also get a sewing kit and some extra buttons backstage and put Lauren Sanchez to work with a needle? Sheesh, wear a shirt or don't, but this half-on, half-off flapping shit is just distracting. That includes you, Melody.

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ElectricBoogalo The camera people really need to get whacked upside the head. During the auditions they were falling asleep so that people were leaping across the stage and the audience was seeing dead space. Tonight during the quickstep, they insisted on showing Nick and Michelle from the calf up for most of the routine. Then during Nick's solo they thought they should zoom in on his foot? While he was doing a pirouette?

I heart you, blue artemis! I would love to hear Brian say to Blake, "You're an amazing dancer, and you're a great choreographer, but as a boyfriend... you kinda suck."

I'd be more okay with the booing if they'd at least let the judges finish what they are saying first. Sometimes the judges start out sounding negative but end up being positive, as in, "I didn't think it was your best," BOOOOOO!, "but you really stepped up and delivered."

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fashionista79"Clearly, the same people voting for him are the same dumbasses booing every negative comment by the judges. I'm so sick of that already."

The booing grates. As soon as a judge says, "You were lacking--" the crowd jumps in with "Booooooo!!!" I mean, what the hell does the crowd expect after each performance? For the judges to say "That was the bestest dance ever. Oh my God! You two were awesome!!! You should have my job!"

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FormerOlympianAnd what was with the half-hour elimination sobfest to start the show? Good grief! Ashle was crying like her grandmother just got gangraped by a motorcycle gang.Yo, Ashle...they're your competitors. You should be glad they're getting the boot.

Hated to see Sandra leave. She brought the pretty. The rest of the girls are borderline fugly.

And someone please tell all the fanboys and fangirls in the audience to STFU!

Did Snow lose her eyebrows as a result of the Chernobyl accident?

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fuzzy_earsOkay, number one annoyance tonight was the audience (can they shut the goddamn fucking hell up for ONE MINUTE and let the judges speak? They are just so... HATE.) That annoyance followed closely by the way the show is set up. I agree with Bentley that voting an entire couple off is just retarded, as is choosing partners/styles via a hat. At least they're naming all the songs now.

When Judge Dan uses the word "ridiculous" as a compliment, I get a little tingle. I love Dan.

HisurferNow we know why Paula cancelled her appearance. Mia stole all her drugs.I could swear the audience was segregated. Blond pre-teen LA girls front center; brunettes with ironed hair stage left; middle aged ladies in the upper tier; and - if you squinted you could see them - coloured folk in the back row. Not many men anywhere.

I agree that the song titles might have been a shout-out to TWoP. If so, let's try again: Nigel - fire the audience. The booing served no purpose. They can boo Simon Paula and Theodore all they want - their comments are generally insipid. These judges actually offer critiques - I'd like to hear them.

In fact, I think you should go all out on the fabulous and stock the audience with West Hollywood boys.

And Jonnis "I will never be controlled" just doesn't get it. GO ahead and dance free. Five years from now he'll be following Phish cover bands around the country.

SALSA: Are the judges being ordered to pimp Ryan? Is Nigel holding their lovers [or miniature dogs] hostage? Because that was not good. All I know about Latin dance is this: Salsa is sexy. And that was not sexy. That was flat. You could see them thinking about each move.

Yeah, Craig is a bit precocious, but I love his smile. And his lips are all right. I'm not looking just at his nipples. I swear I'm not. I like that he took a risk with has dance-out; the others were a bit safe.

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justcarolActually, Craig looks a little like Annette Funicello (in the face, not the torso).

My ten year old daughter’s take the final dances.Snow: Her skirt is doing all the work.Melody: She’s not dancing, she’s just walking around being sexy.Nick: He’s a ballerina!

Mia's style to me is more modern than lyrical, but again take away the monk climbing out of a dumpster costumes, change the music, and it could be performed by a ballet company (not all ballet is Sleeping Beauty/Giselle in tutus!).

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kenyajI guess Destini and Blake's performance was good, but I couldn't tell, because I was so distracted by those heinous costumes they were wearing. Jeebus! Did they go dumpster diving for those?

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kidcore"And Jonnis "I will never be controlled" just doesn't get it. GO ahead and dance free. Five years from now he'll be following Phish cover bands around the country."

Bwaaaahhh!! Maybe the Bonnaroo Festival needs backup dancers? He's got the jamband twirl down cold. Oh yeah and Jonnis, there's a difference between dancing all wild and free and looking like a scarecrow with epilepsy.

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La BohemeI've liked Big Poppa from the very beginning but I really think it's time for him to go, for his own sake. His story was (is) very moving and I was really proud of him for making it so far and keeping up with dancers with more training. I agree with the judges who said that he seemed to disappear for a while there. I think he was realising how out of his element he was and it freaked him out. But now that he's given a solid performace with Kamillah, as well as the validation of knowing that he was the top vote getter last week, it would be best if he were out of the competition. It seems like a backlash is beginning and the person who is going to suffer the most is Allan. He has no control over Nigel and his insistence on playing the 'Big Poppa pity card'. Nigel is using Allan for his own selfish ends but it's Allan who is going to pay the price as more talented dancers leave before he does and when he is forced to do a dance that is so far beyond him that he completely humiliates himself. For the weeks of enjoyment Allan has given me, I would like him to leave on a high note so that he can capitalize on his time on this show and do what's best for HIM. I'm sure that there are plenty of sad stories among the other contestants. Hell, they're dancers and that's a tough life. Pick on someone else and let Alan exit with some dignity intact.

I'm hoping that Jamile outlasts Craig because I'm a bit tired of his perma-grin and I don't think he adds anything to the show. We have Blake and Nick who are both more talented and much better looking than Craig. I also think that he could give Blake a run for his money in the arrogance department. He wasn't pretending to be shocked when he was picked for the bottom 6, he WAS shocked. Neither he or Melody are as good as they think they are and with Craig gone Melody would definitely have to step it up.

FREE BIG POPPA!!!!!

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LaraAriadneCoach Mia reminds me of one of the choreographers from Cirque du Soleil's "The Fire Within." "You are a sexually mature butterfly... fighting to break out of your coccoon of conformity. Unicorns! Unicorns! My little pony!"

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lawgalCraig is now getting on my nerves. His face and bod seem to come from two totally different places. His face is has this goofy, unsexy, chimpanzee look; while his body, especially that 8-pack, are unbelievable.

I just remembered where I've seen [Mia's choreography dancer] costumes. The Hara Krishnas I used to see soliciting in the airport wore the same flowing peach-colored outfits.

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laurezFINE. I'm the only person who HATES Melody. With a passion. Okay. I'll ride that train all by my damn self . She's too cutesy- even during an Etta James (!) striptease with requisite arabesque, she was on some dance studio recital s***- no heat, with her cutesy, s***-eating-grin-y self. I guarantee if you'd seen Kamilah do it, or even Destini- totally different.

and Ballroom Dance Mary? shutthehellup.

and TRL audience? shutthehellup.

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lknaroundtxFirst off let me say, if Sandra had done her tap routine exactly as she did this evening there is no way she would have gone home that was great.

As individuals, Snow worked the hell out of that skirt but didn't do much else.

Nick was fantastic. For get all the Blake love, this kid has such power and presence when he dances.

When Ashle leans back against Artem with her leg up it's like looking at her support panty hose. It was completely unattractive and drew your attention right to this girls crotch. Can we please fire the fashion person for this show??? This is not the first truly horrible outfit we've seen.

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Mertseger"Hi, my name is Lauren Sanchez and these are my breasts. The right one is a Taurus and the left one is a Leo. Go prepare to dance.

As your reward for escaping the dance purgatory of this show, we won't incite the mindless mallrats in our studio audience to count down to liftoff as you perform your final routine.

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Nite SystemNeighbor Katy on Nick's ending solo: "This show is so gay! I mean that in a good way ... um, Nick and Clay Aiken should date!"

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nowrite2000I was cracking up when Mia was telling Ashle to approach the touch like a human not a dancer. It sounds kooky but it is so true. That is exactly why I was not feeling Destini and Ashle as much. It takes a lot of artisty to pull off Mia's pieces, otherwise it does look like a bunch of pretty flopping.

Jonnis' goodbye speech was sad, but I'm glad he's gone. I've seen guys moving like that in my neighborhood, but they are all homeless and speaking in tongues.

Allan didn't change his first impression that much for me this week, except that he opened his mouth a lot during his performance...perhaps to gasp for air? He needs to learn to squeeze a little when slapping his fine partner's ass because the booty slap was so quick and abbreviated that it looked like he was testing the heat on the bottom of a frying pan. Also, I actually gasped in awe when I saw a new river of sweat forming out of swelling tributaries running across his forehead and upper lip. It was like watching the Mississippi rising in time lapse photography. Fascinating.

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OooBabysFamousI feel a little bad about Jonnis. He seems so young and clueless, but I liked him.

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parsleysage"And for whatever reason Craig just bugs me."

Oh totally!! He's got a goofy face and he just screams "star of the local dance school." He is totally a better Six Flags Revue dancer. He should grow out his hair or something. 7/8 of Jonnis' appeal was his pretty hair.

"As individuals, Snow worked the hell out of that skirt but didn't do much else."

" ...and the Emmy award for best performance for 10 yards of fabric in a reality show goes to...." How true.

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PhenobarbaraGood lord, Lauren Sanchez needs to go away. She looks like a shark with her weird ass huge plastic smile and horrible lips that are folded under somehow. Yuck, yuck, yuck. She has no interview skills whatsoever. (I don't expect her to be Babwa Walters, but come on...a third grader could do better than Lauren)

"Go prepare to dance.Now please dance for us. "

I'm so glad I'm not the only one confused by this. When Lauren first said "Get ready to dance", I got ready to change channels, because I assumed the person would be going backstage to change clothes or something, and they'd go to commercial. When they walked exactly ten feet away, I was like WTF? How useless.

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poutlingHi, I'm delurking here, because I LOVE this show. I hope they make another one after this. It's everything I ever wanted in a show, well except maybe for all the crazy padding--seriously, that half an hour results show could be 5 minutes long. They need to start giving more variety to the music though. How many black eyed peas songs can they dance to, really? Including the opening credits song!

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Pushy GaloreSnow, why do I like you now when I once despised you? Is it because you are the only one of the girls who is not completely generic in my mind? Is it your Bond girl Iron Curtain cool during the stupid quickstep? Or because you reminded me of Hedwig during the elimination show?

Judge Dan, why do I love thee so damn much? Is it your cute scratchy voice or your wanton use of polysyllabic words? Will you please make nice with Nigel so he will let you be a judge on American Idol?

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QueenLReally? I don't get an arrogant vibe from Craig. He's been hiding it well but it's there. He's made little comments here and there "I find it funny when Melody and I mess up, because we're not used to making mistakes" and telling US magazine "I don't have many weaknesses"...granted, I don't find anything wrong with saying things like that, but had it been Blake some people would be reaming him for it. Then if you watched tonight, he had this "how dare you" look on his face and a "you've gotta be kidding me" smile when the judges were criticizing him. I can just tell he has a lot of cockiness, which is fine, but it annoys me because I think he's really fake. Just be out there with it.

"Judge Mary, who stole your lips?"

Seriously. The woman has NO top lip!

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RevLovejoyWord. Allen was so relentlessy, transparently pimped by the judges it was ridiculous. Let's see him get lyrical or quick step next week and crush his partner.

Craig is Blake, only without the asshole. America will not send him home yet. Jamile is probably hosed.

Is it me or does Nigel look like the love child of Eric Idle and Cy Curnin, the lead singer of The Fixx?

I still say its a tossup as to which of them [Janice Dickenson and Lauren Sanchez] has had more work done. This host has that botox induced Joker smile which is just plain creepy.

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RobertBlueJonnis: see ya. I just don't like your style. Your talented, and I think you are much better than the judges give you credit for, but you are just not right for our band...err...this show.

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Sarahb392According to someone who went to a taping, the audience is cued to act like assholes.

And finally, I vote that there should be a pirouette/spinning/twirling whatever contest between Blake and Nick to see who can do the most before falling on their ass. And obviously it would be done shirtless.

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sharina[ballroom Mary] reminds me of a cracked out Marie Osmond.

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ShadowDenizenWow, Craig is a major-league hottie.AND my he is so my new boyfriend! (Call me, Craig!)

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sidwichI felt like the judges took a collective shuttle off Planet Reality

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StarSprinklesI'm in loooooove with Artem :) He's so dweamy :) I also like that he's not afraid to cry in public.

Mia is SO my high school choir director- very granola eating, crystal loving, New Age-ish, love everyone, let's sit on a mat and meditate hippie. I LOVE her.

"Nick and Clay Aiken should date!"

OMFG.

*wipes keyboard*

Hells.Yes. The Click would be SO hot. Two cute, funny, dorky, talented guys.

I love this show and the pretty it brings.

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starwannabeIt struck me that the difference between Artem and Blake in the lyrical dances is that when Artem is connecting with his partner, it's all about the connection. When it's Blake, it seems to be more about "hey everyone, look at me connecting with my partner!" Does that make sense to anyone else?

I was also amused that camera-whoring (i.e., Snow) is now considered a good thing!

And before I forget, I figured out who ballroom Mary reminds me of -- Shirley Temple Black! (As opposed to when she was Shirley Temple and still had blonde hair.)

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stekpgh"CAN NOT FUCKING STAND THE ANNOYING PRETEEN GIRL AUDIENCE WHO BOOS AT EVERY FUCKING THING."

You just know there's sign up sheets on the bulletin board at every fly-by-night strip mall dance academy in SoCal and they're hauling them in by the busload. If they stayed on an audience shot for more than a millisecond, I'm sure every tenth face would be an fortyish bleached blonde named Kay-Marie with crepey cleavage and an over-abundance of Diamonique.

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Storm ShadowBest part of the show last night: All of the many lifts Ryan performed during his routine. Magnificent.

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tivofreakI'm still voting for Nick and Melody as a shout-out to the heads from the yay area. Petty and immature? Yah, okay, maybe.

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TheLady2We have a running joke about the host being Janice Dickenson. Glad to see others see this as well.Also get rid of the host, the judges, and especially the audience. Screaming teens need not apply.

Hey, Lauren Sanchez - Catherine Zeta Jones is thinking bout suing you for botching up the likeness of her face.

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vanillacoka "CAN NOT FUCKING STAND THE ANNOYING PRETEEN GIRL AUDIENCE WHO BOOS AT EVERY FUCKING THING."

Yup, couldn't have said it better myself. I have a bigger dislike for spoiled platinum blonde teenagers. Besides what do they know about dancing. They're idea of dancing is grinding with horny 12 yr old boys with semi hard ons and titty grinding with her best friend to get shock value from high school boys.

And that salsa? Please. I used to dance at a salsa club and some couples were so hot to watch it MADE you want to dance, this last pair (their names escape me) made me just want to sit on the couch and continue eating dinner.

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YourDensityOh. My. Damn. Artem is beautiful! My roommate and I have decided we will pay him to live in our apartment and dance our towels to us, spin and help us cook, or just sitting around shirtless eating corn nuts. We don't care. He is just amazing. All broody and sexy and ROWWWRRRrrr (sorry, ahem). He reminds me sort of Goran Visjinic (Luka from ER) in some of his expressions. So freaking passionate. His wife is a lucky woman. Damn.

Dude if they had guys paired.. that would be hot. Artem and Shirtless Boy Wonder in jeans (get two of the guys confused) would be awesome together.

Oh and does anyone else go "shimmy shimmy shimmy" when it comes back from commercial or goes to commercial? Just me? Ok....

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