I heard through the grapevine that there’s a kinky ace out there looking for resources so I thought I’d put together my favorite Kinky Ace specific resources. If you have more please share them in the comments!

Blogs:

There’s a great Blog on Dreamwidth called Verbs Not Nouns. The posts there always seem to have lively discussions in the comments, I don’t have a dreamwidth account but if I created one it would be to join in here!

There’s also a blog called This Ain’t Livin which is written by a kinky asexual (which she talks about a little here). You can search her site by keyword, too if you want to search for her kink/bdsm-related posts. I haven’t read a lot of this blog yet but I’ve really enjoyed what I have read – it’s definitely worth checking out!

Discussion groups:

I’m sure that there are discussions of kink and fetishes in the AVEN boards but my impression is that most of the people in the AVEN forums are pretty young so I haven’t found it a good place for those discussions- but I’m sure some can be found if you poke around.

There is a group called Asexual & Kinky, it has over 300 members- I’d guess that maybe half of the members are on the asexual spectrum, maybe 30% are in a relationship with someone who is asexual, and 20% or so are just curious lurkers. This is just a guess from my observations of the conversations I’ve read in the group- a lot of people haven’t participated so it’s hard to say where they fall, exactly.

Another group is Asexual & Poly – it only has 50+ members and isn’t very active, but could still be a good place to discuss issues specific to poly people who are either asexual or who are in a relationship with an asexual.

Also, there’s the Asexual BDSM Support Group – They have about 70 members and seem to be more active than the Asexual & Poly group but less active than the Asexual & Kinky group. [Note: This group was deleted by one of the group leaders due to some drama but a new group has been started to replace it: Ace BDSM Support Group]

There’s a group called Asexual Hookups (you can mouse over to see the group description)- it’s like a platonic meet-up posting board, though they only have 40+ members and don’t seem to be very active either- that could always change.

Groups not specifically for aces but which do specifically welcome aces (it’s actually kind of exciting that this portion of the list is so long, I’m glad to see larger groups and smaller niches alike both specifically recognizing and welcoming aces to their discussions, munches and play parties!)

(I really enjoy this video from Holly, I think it does an ok job of covering the topic even if her audience seems to be people who are neither asexual nor kinky)

Ninny – Week 41: Kinky!

(I appreciate that Ninny can understand why people would be into fetishes and kink even though she’s clear that she isn’t)

Sassretary: Week 42- Kinks and Taboos

(…I want to hug this young man, he seems downright adorable. I’m a little concerned that he seemed to think that if he wanted to be into BDSM that he had to be pansexual and couldn’t be both asexual and kinky- I think there’s a bit of a language barrier-not that he doesn’t speak English but that he seems to have different definitions than I do because I don’t see any contradiction in being both asexual and kinky. P.S. to the guy in the video: You’re not alone. I’m asexual and I masturbate, too- still there aren’t many people, asexual or otherwise who say so at all, let alone on YouTube, so props to you!!)

Also, if you have any local or on-line BDSM resources that you’re interested in don’t discount them even if they don’t specifically welcome asexuals by name. I used to run a BDSM-focused discussion and education group and I was a member of all the orgs where I used to live so you never know, there may already be other aces there. I wasn’t out, per se, but then for most of the time I didn’t really know that asexual was an orientation option. I was lucky enough that I had no problem finding people who respected my boundaries. I think a BDSM community can be a great place for aces who are kinky because you can usually find people who are used to asking about, talking about and respecting boundaries more so than in the non-BDSM communities. It’s one of the few places where people are conscientious enough to ask before they hug you rather than assume if it’s okay or not and generally speaking they are already familiar with the idea that words can have different meanings to different people and that it’s important to ask for clarification rather than make assumptions about people- which can be a great experience (if you’re comfortable articulating about yourself)! :)