Hey, Jesus! (A sketch for Christmas, reblogged)

by Richard on December 5, 2012

Peter: Hey Jesus!

Jesus: Yes Peter?

P: What starsign are you?

J: Starsign? Oh right — I’m a Capricorn.I didn’t know you believed all that nonsense..

P: I don’t. It’s just a bit of fun.Let’s see what it says for you. Here we are. Capricorn. “You know that you have difficult decisions to face.The right thing will not be the easy thing. Many friends will try to change your mind, but remember thaty ou know more than they do”

(Pause)

Honestly, Jesus. Don’t they write some rubbish! Do you know, I don’t think I’ve ever met an astrologer.

J: Oh, I have. A long time ago. It was just after I was born actually, so of course I don’t remember it. Mum said that a group of them came visiting. She said they were nice people. Weird, but nice.

P: Hey Jesus, if you’re a Capricorn your birthday must be soon. I was forgetting - it’s next week, isn’t it?

J: That’s right.

P: What shall we get you?

J: What do you mean?

P: Me and the lads will want to buy you a pressie.It wouldn’t be right not to.

P: I hope you’re not referring to the socks I got you last year.I didn’t know that you wouldn’t like purple and yellow stripes.

J: Peter, don’t be paranoid. I told you. The socks were fine.I wasn’t thinking about them. I was thinking about those astrologers I mentioned.

P: Why?

J: Well … when they came calling they brought presents with them. Not the usual baby things either.

P: Just as well. There are only so many sets of swaddling bands you can use.So what did they bring?

J: There was gold …

P: Wow! Nobody’s ever brought me any gold.

J: … and frankincense

P: The smelly stuff they use in the temple?Now that is strange. Bet your mum would have preferred some perfume for herself.

J: … And myrhh

P: That’s terrible! That’s not for babies.The women use that when they …. well, when … you know …

J: When they lay out a body? I know.

P: Your mum was right. They were weird.What did she say.

J: I think she understood. Anyway, she kept all of it. You know what mothers are like.I used to catch her looking at it all sometimes.

P: Do you know why they brought those things?

J: Well, a gift says a lot about what we think of a person, doesn’t it? The gifts they brought were a sort of prophecy … Gold for a king, incense for the worship of God … burial spices for a death.

P: I don’t understand.

J: I know, but stick around, laddie. You will.

P: I still don’t know what to get for your birthday. We could have a party.

J: A party would be grand! But don’t worry about a present. If I’ve got your friendship, that’s all I want.

P: But I can’t not buy you something … to mark the occasion, like.

J: You think being my friend is not enough. There’ll be a time very soon when you might wish that you were like those astrologers. dropping in with a present and then heading offback to Persia. A nice, safe distance.

P: Safe? Look, Jesus, all I want is to help you celebrate your birthday.

J: That’s all I want, too. Celebrate with me. You know I like a party. Presents can be fun. But you won’t forget that it’s my birthday, will you?

P: Strange question. How could we ever do that!

(Pause)

Hey Jesus!

J: Yes Peter?

P: How about a nice pair of socks?

J: Yes, Peter.

Reblogged, inspired by John Bell of the Iona Community. Kim’s written one in similar vein too and I’ll be reblogging that in the next day or two unless Kim objects. Another 2-for-1 pre-Christmas bargain.