You know how Paula Abdul always appears completely whacked out of her mind on American Idol? It can no longer be blamed on drugs. Nope, the Paula you are watching this season is like a pile of fine Colombian-pure and unaltered.

In an OK!interview, Paula tells of the surgery she had this past summer that has changed her life:

For the first time in 12 years, I am pain free. I had my 15th surgery to correct my back and neck problems last August and it worked. Finally! I had a new doctor who tried a new procedure and because of that I’m a new woman. I may have to have one more surgery in the spring but after all this, I can handle it.

Not only is she pain-free, she’s (allegedly!) drug-free as well. And her audience has noticed the difference (?):

Not only am I pain free, but I am pain-medication free. I weaned myself off everything I’d been taking. There were times in the last few years when I was at an American Idol taping and was in so much agony, I’d tell the guys I wasn’t sure I could do it. It’s great to know that viewers can see how much better I am now.

In addition, Paula feels that new judge Kara DioGuardi doesn’t fit in: “Kara and I have known each other for years and we get along great. But we tried four judges before and it doesn’t work. It takes up so much time for each of us to give our opinion that it slows down the pace of the show.”

This is the last year of Paula’s contract and she has indicated that she may be moving on. Translation: the one and only reason to watch American Idol is about to leave the building.

Albatross judge, Kara, released a statement, as if we’d expect anything else: “Paula has a right to her opinions, but I was disappointed by her comments, and hurt that she did not address them to me in person.”

So, the other night Paula Abdul hosted “An Evening With Jimmy Demers” in Hollywood. Simon Cowell’s ex, Terri Seymour, was there to support.

When I looked at this picture, my initial question was, “Why does Paula Abdul have a man hand growing out of her shoulder? And why is it cupping Terri’s tit?” The entire awkward body and limb placement was almost enough to distract me from Paula’s massive camel toe. Camel toe is too mild a phrase; she has an ass on her snatch. An ass twat, if you will. I almost overlooked Paula’s gargantuan ass twat. I promise you though, I’ll never let that happen again.

A car with a dead woman inside found parked outside Paula Abdul’s house in Los Angeles on Tuesday night is registered to Paula Goodspeed, a former American Idol contestant and self-described “really big fan” of Abdul.

Police have not confirmed the identity of the woman â€“ an apparent suicide victim â€“ but suggested she was an infatuated fan of Abdul.

The woman’s car featured a license plate “ABL LV” and had a photo of Abdul hanging from the rear view mirror, according to Fox News video taken at the scene. A DMV check of the license showed that the car was registered to Goodspeed, 30.

“This has been ruled an apparent suicide,” said LAPD officer April Harding, “and the coroner’s office is now investigating. The body was found around 6 p.m. Tuesday.”

Apparently Paula’s audition was featured prominently in the show, and she was panned by judged.

I’m trying to find a YouTube clip, but no luck so far.

RIP, Paula Goodspeed.

Update: Here’s the video. Thanks to the commenter who tracked it down.