Do you remember the first time you were tied down? Handcuffed? Rendered helpless and totally under someone elses control? I remember it well but not for the reasons you may think! I had been dating this guy for about a year when he suggested we play with some cuffs and try out some bondage. I had dabbled before but he was talking some serious restrictions! I finally agreed and the night rolled around. I was excited as he placed my hands in handcuffs and hooked a thumbcuff around the handcuffs. I had this old antique iron bed (yeah I bet Great Granny never tried this in it!) and it worked great for locking the cuff around a post in the center of the headboard! Now first I must tell you this guy had a warped sense of humor equal to my own. After fastening me down securely, he left the house! I am freaking out but he came back in just a few minutes with a big blue bag from WalMart! He sat this down on the nightstand and started pulling packages of batteries out of it! He pulls out some AA, and said "hmm wonder if we have anything that these fit?" then he pulled out a package of C batteries and said the same thing. Next came a package of D's! I'm starting to panic just a little, but when he pulled out a huge square lantern battery that did it for me! I started trying to get up in a hurry! He just laughed and said "nah, I got that for my flashlight, I needed one and just picked it up while I was in the battery section!" Whew!! Well I won't go into all the details of what happened next but lets just say that two hours later I was feeling extremely dehydrated and in desperate need of a big glass of tea and a cig or two! My b/f fiddles with the cuffs for a min then lifts my blindfold off and says "we've got a revolting development!" He is holding the key down close to my face, cos he knows I'm blinder than a bat without glasses or contacts in. I see the key and nothing looks wrong until he turns it! There's no little piece sticking out the side anymore!! It's just a smooth shaft! Well I start to panic now for sure!! Those of you that know me know what I do for a living so "There is no fucking way we are calling 911!" He gets the thumb cuffs lose and is trying to calm me down and starts working on picking the handcuffs! I tell him "hey out in the storage shed, in the back corner there's a big black bag of rags, I still have one old tube top left in it, you go get it, slide it up over me and help me put on jeans then we can go get these unlocked!" He's still laughing but not as heartily now, "no, baby we can get them open" He starts picking in earnest at the lock and it's not budging!five min later-me- "Hey we can call my friend Beth, she has keys!"him- "we're not calling anyone"five more min tick by - me- "Hey we can call my friend Jennie, she has keys!"him- "we're not calling anyone"10 min later he is still furiously trying to pick the lock, which I'll admit would have been much easier had I sat still, but I told you I was really thirsty for that tea and I REALLY needed that cigarette now!me- "well we can call my dad, dad has keys, course he also has matching 357's" (Dad was a deputy for years)him- "WE ARE NOT CALLING ANY FUCKING BODY!!" course I will always believe that was just the incentive he needed as suddenly the lock clicked open and I was free!! When all was said and done, I was free, was on my third glass of tea and probably just as many cigarettes, he looked over at me from the other end of my couch and started laughing his ass off! I looked at him like he'd lost his mind and asked what he found suddenly so funny?He said "can you imagine, you could be old and long retired and the deputies here would still be talking about 'remember the time that crazy ass bitch that worked over in the court was nekkid and handcuffed to the bed and we had to get her loose?'!! I just threw a pillow at him, jumped up and started back to my room, he said "where ya going?" I looked back at him and said "I didn't know we were through, wanna try it again? But this time, it's silk ties baby throw those damn cuffs away!"

Back in the day my girlfriend and I were handcuffed together. While attempting to unlock she dropped the key down behind the bed and into the heating register. Luckily it was her sister that got home first to rescue us.

This reminds me of the time I and my ex-wife were enjoying a new sex sling and some chinese herbs. If your familiar with the chinese hard on herbs they give ya a massive hard on but ya don't want to take them after topping off a bottle of fine Muscato. Ya can not pee until it goes down. Talk about pain! She kept saying; Let me drive you to the ER! I was one of the IT techs in that hospital.