J is for Jealousy (The Enneagram Game)

Since ‘J’ is one of the few letters I couldn’t come up with a topic for, this is our first Enneagram Game.

The game originated in my own mind. Its object was solely for me to entertain myself by coming up with what I think each personality type might say or do in response to some situation or idea.

Now that I’m making the game public, I have given a little more thought to each imagined reaction which has made it even more interesting. What will push this over the edge into pure joy would be for you to write back and tell me how your Enneagram style reacts to the question or topic. In other words, correct me, enlighten me.

**Please know that I am very aware that we are all unique individuals. Much more than our personality style goes into how we react to the world at any given moment. There’s no way I could play this game without stereotyping, so know that this is just for fun, not for serious. If there is a kernel of truth in some of these, that will be a bonus. Mostly, I hope you allow this to get your mind going and write back with another reaction that your type might have.**

Ready, go.

Me: So tell me, Mr. or Ms. (personality type,) how does jealousy show up in your life?

One: I am jealous of laid back people. Those ‘without a care in the world,’ or those who are so sure that ‘someone else will take care of it.’ Must be nice.

Two: I am jealous of people who can say no to things. How do they do that?

Three: I can’t think of anyone I’m jealous of. This may sound bad, but I know sometimes people get jealous of me.

Four: I can get jealous of people who look better, have better relationships than I do, or are more successful than I am, but sometimes I love who I am and wouldn’t want their perfect-looking life because people like that tend to be so surface-y.

Five: I am sometimes envious of people who seem more comfortable in social situations, but really, it’s a bit too intrusive for my taste.

Six: I’m jealous of people who seem to know what to do. Don’t they ever worry about what might happen? What if they make the wrong decision? Now I’m worried for them!

Seven: I envy people whose lives are less constraining. But then I just ask myself, ‘what do they have that I want?’ and I figure out a way to get it.

Eight: Jealous? Not so much.

Nine: I’ve never thought about it. I may be envious of people who can speak their minds, but that’s so not me.

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7 thoughts on “J is for Jealousy (The Enneagram Game)”

Nancy, you are quite right that as a three I don’t get jealous often. But I have just recently been burning with jealousy about something, so thought I would pass it on. It’s toward a local minister who has become nationally recognized and I’ve seen this person interviewed and referenced by the people I read. And last week I noticed this person now has a book out – already on the NY Times bestseller list. Since I too have dreams of writing a book, and of course my three side would love to be natinally recognized, seeing all this gave me a hot burning sensation in my chest and I could barely look at the book cover. I didn’t actually recognize it as jealousy at first since I don’t feel that very often. But that’s what it is! ________________________________

Yes, thank you for reminding me about the Three’s tendency to be jealous of people who you perceive are doing EVEN better than you! Sometimes, if you use jealousy or envy to figure out what it is they are experiencing that you want to experience, you can then use that as a guide to move forward toward your own goal, not theirs.

I love playing enneagram games like this too. Your letter today is “J” and so I’ll play the game as best as I can. Being a One, I don’t feel jealousy as much as I do resentment. I’m seldom, if ever, jealous of others’ success, especially if they’ve earned it. But I might resent them if I thought they hadn’t worked hard for it.

I find myself envying those who can relax, lay back, and know that it’s taken care of – whatever that “it” is. But I’m a Three? Maybe I’m jealous of those who are better at relaxing than me? I don’t feel jealous, really – but I DO wish I could join them!

If you are a Three, it’s not surprising that you would be jealous of those who could relax. You probably work pretty hard much of the time. Threes tend to do a lot of things themselves because they know they’ll do it better than someone else–and are often correct–but they can get pretty worn out that way. There’s also a difference between jealousy and envy. Jealousy, it’s said, is wishing someone else didn’t have what they have. Envy is wishing you had what someone else has. In my ‘J’ post, I took a bit of liberty and used a combination of them both.

As far as the confusion that often comes when first learning the Enneagram, it helps to have people to talk to about it. We are all such individuals that the way we play out our types core motivations can vary, but once you understand the core motivation for your type, it is easier to see why you might be jealous or envious of someone who can relax.

Feel free to ask me more questions anytime and I’ll do what I can to help bring some clarity to it all!

Hi Nancy, I have had a 2 week computer loss and used my phone to read and follow your blog. Love it! Commenting via my phone did not go well. Jealousy arrived just as my computer returned to life. And as an 8, SP with Social, jealousy was “not so much” for me. A flag for me to look at. Lately I have been looking a little deeper at what causes rising aggression and arrogance, my two pals. In the past all I saw was threat to my security, social standing and feelings of vulnerability. Jealousy also lives there, if someone has something I want or think I should have, aggression and or arrogance start to rise. So, for this 8, there is jealousy, its an uncomfortable emotion for me to experience and process. Accepting that I am vulnerable to a belief that I am “less than” another. Any time I diminish another I look for Jealousy.
Thanks for sharing all this wisdom with us.

Thanks for that insight. I knew I was going to like hearing back from people about their individual experiences with their types. I love that you got past the ‘not so much’ and realized where and why jealousy does show up. I admire your courage.