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Stepping Back

Depression is a sneaky bitch. You don't know you have it until you wake up one day and you realize you've disconnected from things that make you happy. For me, that's writing. I haven't written a new thing since I broke my foot back in April.

Now, I'm mobile. A limp once in a while. But what I haven't gone back to is what I say I love most in the world. I feel it most since it's NaNo and I'm not doing anything. Nada. I thought I would, but in the end, I didn't.

I thought I was doing okay. I was functioning. Waking up in the morning. Going to work. Helping my mother with whatever she needed. But I wasn't writing.

A part of it stems from all the rejection I received this year. Don't get me wrong, so many great things have happened as well. Can't share all of them yet, which is killing me, by the way. But the rejections sting worse recently. Because of the depression. I've sunken to a low place I haven't been in a while.

Which is why I've decided to step back. Take stock of myself. Find who I am again. Learn about what I want to say. Only then can I begin to find my way back to my writing.

What's been a real eyeopener for me is Jada Pinkett Smith's series Red Table Talk, wherein she gets into real conversations with her daughter and mother and a guest. There is so much enlightenment in that show that I have to hit myself in the head (metaphorically) just to wake myself up and listen. Some episodes I had to watch over and over again because there is so much to learn. I definitely recommend that you watch it. Just go to Facebook, if you have an account, and search Red Table Talk.

I wanted to end the year writing, but it's looking like that's not going to happen. I have several edits I need to perform, so I'll focus on that. I leave all the new stuff for next year.