Midlife crisis/feelings about aging

I turned 49 recently and feel like I am just waking up from a dream. My life is not at all as I wanted it to be at this age. I have a hard time accepting the fact that I am getting older. I also feel that I haven't accomplished much. I have been fairly passive most of my life and have kind of let life happen to me, rather than taken initiative. I regret now that I didn't try to work on getting some kind of career. I have two kids, but apart from them, life feels empty. My marriage is ok, not great, but not bad enough to justify a divorce. Money is tight. We very rarely can afford to go out and vacations are out of question.
I don't know where to start in order to get some meaning in my life. I suddenly feel old and have so many regrets. There are so many things I could have done differently, but my low self esteem was always in the way.

The following user gives a hug of support to negot:
Abby49er (09-18-2011)

If this is a midlife crisis you're having, you need to keep reminding yourself that it WILL pass. Having said that, a midlife crisis it's not all bad; sometimes good can come from it. For example, you might come up with some plan to raise your self esteem. Perhaps some form of home schooling for yourself. Learn something new....library books don't cost anything.

Hi, I know how you feel. I just turned 54 and I feel so much like you do. I worked early in my marriage and then had a child and it seems at that point I was just mom. I haven't accomplished much either. I always thought I would do more with my life.
My marriage wasn't the best but it wasn't that bad either. I know we both love each other very much, but he was not here for me emotionally and I always felt so alone.
I thought that now we are both getting older that maybe once he retired we would spend more time together, but it's not going to happen. He has been told he has cancer and it really doesn't look good. We are spending time together now, but it's going to the doctors and me taking care of him. I never expected for our life to take the turn it has.
I am sad alot of the time now, but I try to make the best of most days. I am scared of the future and a part of me just thinks it's over. I will go on though, I have to.
I hope that you can find a way to bring some happiness into your life and try to gain some self esteem. I didn't mean to bring you down with my post, but I do understand how you feel. Please try to make the best of your life now with your husband and children. Please take care of yourself.

Boy oh boy I am with you ladies. Here I am aged 47 it's 2.17 am here in the UK and I'm on the laptop, what a great life I,m leading. Another Spring is passing me by and I don't feel part of life. I just hang on to hope that I will do before it's too late. I dont want to come over as self pitying but my whole adult life has so far been spent striving for things that I don't achieve, and I dont mean out of the ordinary things either. Since 21 I've strived for a child with no success, you have no idea what a hole 'no family' leaves in your life although I realise to the lucky ones who have children it is just normal and not counted as an 'achievement' in life. I have had 14 major operations for my 'older than me joints' the docs say I have a little old ladies disease oseoarthritis - no wonder I feel like one!!

I am now looking for that 'thing' that I can achieve before am really too old. Lets keep searching folks hand on to hope and find our new path.

"I am now looking for that 'thing' that I can achieve before am really too old. Lets keep searching folks hand on to hope and find our new path."

I so relate to the sentence above. I am desperately looking for something to achieve while I still have time. I just don't know what that something is. I am hoping it will just jump at me and that I'll feel "that's it". I have also spent most of my adult life searching for something.

"I am now looking for that 'thing' that I can achieve before am really too old. Lets keep searching folks hand on to hope and find our new path."

I so relate to the sentence above. I am desperately looking for something to achieve while I still have time. I just don't know what that something is. I am hoping it will just jump at me and that I'll feel "that's it". I have also spent most of my adult life searching for something.

I think you'd make a good counsellor. I've seen it on this Board. You are humane, intelligent, compassionate and humble. Humble enough to say: "I don't have an answer for that. I don't know what to advice." Yet, you always have a positive word. Maybe your words are at times a bit too emotional, but I think you are just trying to adjust your feelings and thoughts to the other person's.

It'd be a good idea to write down your CV. It doesn't matter that you don't have any previous labour experience. I think you have a lot of knowledge and experiences to share. And then you have motivation to work. Add a personal letter about yourself.

Send this CV over to different employers and agencies. You may not get a response straightaway because of the ongoing crisis, but if you don't do it now, you'll never know.

Thanks, Pend for you nice words. You always take time to read people's posts and give elaborate and thoughtful advice.
You seem to have a lot of insight in the complicated relationships between people.