(Note: because this movie is bad, spoilers are good for you if they convince you not to watch it)

I don’t watch football, let alone play it, but I felt like I had a concussion after watching the new Netflix film The Cloverfield Paradox. Despite my aversion to the sport, I’m in the unlucky group of people who saw the movie after its surprise announcement at the Superbowl. While it starts out as a promising follow-up to Cloverfield and 10 Cloverfield Lane, by the end it was like all of the disappointment of the last 3 seasons of Lost had been distilled into one headache-inducing pile-on.