You are not alone We are there and therefore Together we Bond

A Prayer–Part 1 October 6, 2007

That tortured woman, toddler in her arms, bruised in both body and soul, gazed pleadingly at the flower and sandalwood adorned Maruthi. You are the one that has the power to fight all obstacles and reach your goal…. like you did when Rama was on the way to Lanka to fight Ravana and bring Sita back. Tears glistened in her eyes and threatened to spill over while she valiantly held them back. Her lips quivered and the forehead puckered and she swallowed hard fighting for control. She held on to the baby as if holding on to life itself. The baby protested, squirmed and wanted to be let down to run and play in the haven of the temple. When she was a child she remembered listening to the stories of Rama and Krishna sitting beside her grandmother. Paty had said that praying to Maruthi on Saturday was very auspicious and he alone had the power to deliver us from obstacles. This hope brought her to the temple every Saturday morning.

She had been here on many occasions before. She felt comfort in the familiar surroundings, the smells, sounds and the chants of the priest. As she made the pradakshina, folded hands for the aarti, prostrated before the idol, marked her forehead with the sacred kumkum, extended her palm to receive the holy water; she was at least for those moments comforted and could put aside all her worries and fears.

He had the power to take away so many of her worries, did she not come here, praying for this very child when she was ill for weeks and weeks, was she not here when she could not find someone who could take care of the child while she needed to work, she was here again to pray for her sister, whose new born was battling for life for months and again when there seemed to be no money to pay off the steep expenses for the month… She was there several times and her perseverance always paid off.

But now she had been coping with the pain, hurt and fear of an alcoholic husband for years, her kids were traumatized, hurt and confused by his aggressive behavior. She couldn’t find in him the man she loved and married well against the wishes of her family. He didn’t have a job and she was struggling to make both ends meet. He was getting abusive these days and she was hurt and confused by his behavior.

Was there a reason for this? Did Maruthi actually want her to go through this? Did her kids have to suffer in this way? Was there something she had done in the past, perhaps even in another life, to deserve this. The pain and hurt now mingled with guilt, until she couldn’t tell them apart.

Slowly she gathered her little daughter and trudged back slowly and unwilling back home. Her legs felt leaden and heavy like her heart.

Tears pricked manancingly behind her eyelids and her throat felt raw.. She was struggling to get the words out and speak as clearly as possible over this long distance conference call. It was a really long time since she had seen or spoken to her husband (or should she say ex-husband). It was still difficult to call him that and she couldnt understand why. A lot of water had flown under the bridge but it took a second for painful memories to come rushing in.

He was in rehab. Was there since a couple of months she learned. The call was part of his treatment. He was making an attempt at a comeback. Years ago any hopes raised in this direction were clutched like a life-line. But series of hospitals and councellers did not really change anything.. it just made her less hopeful every time they went back. But if it was possible for the sake of the kids that they could have a father who was really himself, not a far away fading shadow of a person, she guessed, it was worth while to do this.

…Tell me how his drinking changed affected you and your life..crackled the voice of a counseller from Bangalore across the thousands of miles.. How could one explain that to a now sober assailant with group of onlookers and over the phone. He knew most of this anyway. What should she say.. where should she begin.. It was very tuff. She mentioned that his personality changed so much that he was no longer the same person she met and fell in love. In many ways it felt as if the man she loved had died slowly and paifully before her eyes and had been replaced by this one.. who bore little sembelence to him.

Today she lived with her children in Europe. She had a good job and the kids were settled into school, they had friends and were happy there. She too was comfortable and used to life there. It was work and home most of the time. They travelled to places they could not have dreamt of while in India. Life was lonely though. Gone were those family vaccations with cousins, aunts and close family to Goa at Christmas time, those weekenend outings to parks on picnic and restaurants for lunches. People in India were bound closely together by families.. beyond expectations. Friends drop in and call all the time.. Here people believe in calendars and organising social lives.. When people are invited they are told what time to arrive and what time to leave as well..

But life’s definition has broadened, it encompasses a lot more than just coping from one day to another. There is thought and direction in the ‘normal’ things families do.. plan financial security, children’s education, career goals, travel fun and vaccation..etc.Finally, life does go on..

hi,,, nice to read this.. nice coz I can understand the pain of that woman who is going through this… it is painful to b in that situation where you yourself don’t know what to ask to God or whether to ask anything from God……
I wish best for all this woman who have been going through traumatic life due to one decision in life….till then bye love….
Aaru