Social media creates a ton of confusion about whether or not a guy is into you. He Texted will clear up any mysteries about texting, friending, following, liking, LOLing and poking that come up in the iPhone era. Authors Carrie and Lisa and their stable of Brobassadors go through the most common and confusing romantic cyber situations and break it down to explain what’s really going on. Today, they share a little bit of wisdom with XOXOAD for anyone currently trying to figure out what that tweet really meant…

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Here at HeTexted, we spend our days helping people figure out what exactly he meant by that “just really busy at work” text. Maybe he’s genuinely busy, or maybe he’s just busy avoiding you. And since that little thing called social media has completely changed the way we date, we decided to bring in one of our best Bros, Jared Freid, to walk us through what he’s saying vs. what he means.

Tinder

Situation: Conversations start but they never materialize into dates

What it means:Always remember that no matter how good of a conversation you’re having, he’s still swiping. I know you both are “so bored at work” and “love binge watching shows” and really that’s enough in common to go on a first date, but he’s still swiping. Think of Tinder like talking to a guy at a bar that’s full of other women. He talks to you but darts his eyes around the room looking to see if there are better options. If he doesn’t take you out of this bar (off of Tinder and onto a date or at least text) then he’s still looking. The process goes like this, swipe, match, re-judge, message, re-judge based on the message, swipe other girls, message, re-judge, go on a date. A “match” is barely the beginning. You’re still six steps away from an actual date.

Facebook

Situation: He’s always liking my Facebook posts.

What he means:I live by the rule that if you notice something then it IS something. If a guy likes one thing then I wouldn’t put too much into it. But if he suddenly becomes a “fan”, liking your posts, comments, and spring break photos from five years ago then he’s trying to tell you something. The fact is, he’s been looking at your stuff on Facebook for a lot longer than he’s been liking your stuff. This is him taking a small risk. He’s raising his hand in a crowded room to let you know that he’s there and he has his eye on you. If you think it’s creepy then un-friend him, but if you’re interested, like something of his and play the game. Maybe in a few years he’ll try messaging you.

Text

Situation: He always says things like “I think you’re cute” over text

What he means:It’s easier to say ANYTHING over text. Think about it. If a guy said you were cute to your face, there’s a lot more to deal with: your facial reaction, your response, other people in the room hearing or seeing, the weight of the silence in the room. We’ve been texting in place of face-to-face conversation for so long that we forget how much words matter and how they weigh on the atmosphere. Those nice words said over text don’t have the same type of pressure. Think about any text that you weren’t sure about sending. You send it out then immediately turned your phone over and thought “I’ll look in a half hour, screw it.” You didn’t have to deal with any of the peripheral pressures that exist in an actual conversation. These types of texts are nice and feel good but they’re all about gaining your trust without the effort.

Snapchat

Situation: He sends me pics all the time.

What he means:Receiving a Snapchat feels way more important than sending one. I get one and I’m like, “How thoughtful that everyone thinks of me to see their pictures. I’m so pretty and popular.” And when I send one, I’m like, “Hey contacts list! I’m not even sure who half of you are but look at my life! I rock.”

Guys generally send Snapchats to large groups of girls with the hope that one feels special enough to show us something back. That’s all about how special it feels to get one. So if he’s sending you pictures all the time, it isn’t because he wants you to see his life ten seconds at a time. It’s because he wants ten seconds of something he can’t see in your profile pictures album.

Text

Situation: We went on a date, we had fun, and now all we do is text about nothing.

What he means:This is the plight of the 2014 single girl in her twenties. She goes on the date, has a fun time, kisses him, texts about nothing, sets up another date, gets canceled on by the guy because of “work,” gets told the guy has weekend plans but can “meet up later,” she “meets up later,” hooks up, then repeats the process until it’s blatantly obvious that this relationship will never advance. It’s unbelievable to me how similar everyone’s situation is. I mean, I’ve been that guy. I’ve gone on dates with very nice girls. Had a very nice time. Enjoyed the conversation. The problem is, I only have so much time and money to invest in someone that had no chance of sharing my last name. So I texted, avoided, then pushed for that meetup. This girl is currently in the “text and avoid” part of this process.

Human Interaction

Situation: He spoke to me at a bar and said we should do drinks next week.

What he means:

It’s so cute to get a question from the past. This email must have washed ashore in a bottle.

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