Wednesday, April 8, 2009

A Swabian News Report

The Following Broadcast has been translated From Deucha to 322 comprehensible languages thanks to our generous sponsor The BableSoft Corporation. Bablesoft would like to remind you to update your universal translator software with the new "WORD! Mufuker 3.7" Ebonics add on pack. Now on to the Broadcast.Greetings, this is a special Deutchland news report. VAR!!! VAR!!!! VAR!!!! That is what the Reichstagg chanted today after an unanimous decision to declare war on the Anglican people. After defeating the Anglican fleets in orbit of Tu-Tu-Gonnga last week, the Deutchland League was lead into a trap within Russian borders earlier this evening. Under a banner of truce, the Anglican people destroyed a local orbital station, killing our German diplomats, and Vice Admiral Botchup. Admiral Botchup was a fine solider serving his nation in the pursuit of lasting peace and will be missed by his surviving widow, 3 sons, 2 mistress and a championship Shiatsu. Speculations on why the Anglicans destroyed the station are ramped but popular theory stems from the United Nations vote in favor of M.C. Anubatee-Shalqua being the rightful leader of the planet in question. Regardless of motivation, one thing is certain, our forces still under a banner of truce, were attempting to withdraw from the docking coler of the station to prevent the possibility of collateral damage when they were fired on by Anglican Aggressors. The Anglicans where hailed to cease fire; they declined and fired again. Hopelessly outgunned, and out manned, the Deutchland fleet fought on, destroying all but two Anglican ships.

While our gallant naval personnel were turning the Anglican fleet into rubble, the U.N. peace keeping contingent attacked the Russian garrison fleet to what motivation our political officers are still analyzing. This was a costly mistake, since the Russians made quick work of the U.N. vessels. The Russians hailed the Deutchland League claiming that they had recovered dead U.N. personnel from the wreckage. (Editors Note: Some of the bodies were reported to have been shot by small arms fire at close range, no one has confirmed this and the Russian fleet has since incinerated the remains of the crew to questionably prevent the spread of disease on this minor outpost.) The Russians have not made a claim on cause or effect, but it is clear from the Deutchland perspective that the Anglicans and the U.N. have an alliance to keep the Deutchland interests fouled. Unfortunately the U.N. is finding that the Anglicans may make poor allies, since one U.N. ship was reported destroyed by the Anglican batteries.

The Supreme Chancellor of the Deutchland League made this statement just a short time ago..... "Vhileve do not approve of zee U.N. siding with zee enemy, ve are villing to overlook dis one time error, if they join in zee glorious var against zee Angilcan people. Also the U.N. must now claim that Tu-Tu-Gonnga is indeed a separate colony under the protection of zee Gross Deutchland League. At dis time it's borders are closed to all ships but ours, and M.C. Anubatee-Shalqua's personal fleet. Also a 100,000 Swabian credit bounty is put on the hull of every Anglican ship. Should anyone capture one, and it's crev, they can come to any Deutchland planet and give the vessel and the crev over to the proper authorities to collect zee bounty."

....In other news tonight, while the Anglicans were losing in space, they were losing to the people of Deutchland in the women's table hockey galactic championships. The German team beat the Anglican women 37-0 to claim yet another galactic championship.