DIVINE & DEVIL WITHIN ME (I HAVE TO FIGHT IT FOR TRUE FREEDOM) PART-1

The outer world is full of resistance right from the time we are born and every pleasure or pain leaves a mark in our subconscious and every instance is an opportunity to connect the divine nature.

The world around us tries to give us pain most of the time.

Part-1 of the blog is about the childhood story of every one in different ways.

When I was a child even before the windows of my mind were open I had parents, siblings and host of elder people around me showering love and probably enjoying my company full of exuberant innocence and also trying to provide some sort of moral guidelines or trying to caution me what not to do. I was too small at that moment to register what they said but they definitely were performing their duty.

When I started speaking few broken words I can say with certainty that my understanding was far more than few words was speaking then. The vocabulary kept expanding guided by parents and so many other interested people around me and each trying his/her best way to connect the words and sentences with indication or action to help me grasp the meaning.

The sense connections were sharpening with objects, whereas there was enjoyment for all who met me, lifted me kissed me and wanted to enjoy my company with my broken words and sentences repeatedly. Not much later the time arrived when I took the first step, few steps forward and I fell down. Felling down was neither disappointment to my parents nor to me. They enjoyed simply seeing me using my legs, taking faster steps followed by tripping.

They assured that I learn walking and for my comfort put me on mattress or carpet or a grass bed so that I don’t hurt when I fall. I became braver and was not satisfied by simply few steps, they were not enough. I tried to climb cot and was watched with fun, then I tried to climb a small table I was watched with curiosity but that did not satisfy me enough. This was a new chapter in my life irrespective of how my elders saw and felt. I saw lamp post in my drawing room which I took the step and held the post, then tried to reach an extension arm which was slightly higher than my size. I certainly would not have made it but the watchful eyes of my parents grabbed me and pulled me back in the safe zone (in their perspective) even before I did learn the danger which was none (in my perspective).

Now those lectures or guideline and infinite do’s and don’ts which I have been receiving from the time I was not in this world of senses became more frequent and in numbers. If I did not understand that the advises were for my own safety I was explained sometime by their might (carrying me to another safe place) or showing dis pleasure or giving temptation to offer me chocolates or exploiting me for not giving the promised doll or a toy bus. I started knowing the language which was being taught, my subconscious which was fed with similar things much before I was ready to grasp actually did assist me in registering with speed. The subject of my learning were various methods to be safe and more over I was already adding my dictionary with ‘donts’ such as “I should not hold a glass (that would fall and break)”, “I should not try to climb stairs (I shall fall and get hurt)” or “I should not try to raise myself and peep through the balcony (can be fatal)” and so on. If and when I was taken in a garden the ‘donts’ continued, don’t run in that direction (I shall get hurt because of the stone placed which I may oversee). With slide nearby in the garden if I thought to enjoy simply standing on its stairs midway did not encouraged my elders. If I run on path again probability of scooter or cycle coming on the way was danger and so cautioned and brought back and forced to be within their eyes and limited areas of confinement.

I was not given a tri cycle probably for a reason there was not enough place at home or did not find its importance at that moment which I may not remeber. Neither was it a great thing for me at that age nor I did wanted the tri cycle as my possession but when I saw another friend riding it I started running behind him as a game, enjoying it with an aim that I also would get a turn to ride. Such scene of children’s love was adored by parents of either child and they were equally enjoying our interaction. I did manage to get an independent ride the next day as we did not have any selfishness yet, my friend had enjoyed enough of ride himself and presently it was my company which he as enjoying more. I was also happier to get a ride but soon in the end of that day when came back home I was taught not to borrow my friends cycle which I did not understand. I was keen for another day followed by another evening and to have tricycle ride once again. My parents were smarter and took me to a place where my ‘that’ friend was not present so that I don’t start my shaitainee (tantrum) again.

As I was growing my windows of minds were gradually opening one by one. Next even if I was trying to see across the window safety eyes guard were being installed like we use on horses for a reason “beta keval iss direction me dekho” (son see only in this direction). If I questioned them the reason there was simple answer “tum samjhoge nahi abhi” you shall not understand right now. Is this not funny while I was innocent not even to walk and speak I was bombarded by the words of value repeatedly. As I tried to step in the world my steps were checked from all the adventuring directions and limited me in a safe zone with safer rules as my parents thought.

I am enrolled in kindergarten and now have to make another journey……………

To be continued……….

How we relate a child with our matured knowledge many places and make him weak.

If a child is crawling in mud the parents may have fear of child hurting his knee because they cannot do even in clear smooth floor where as the child is unaffected. The parents fear of child getting hurt on falling even from bed because parents may likely get hurt but child who is innocent and does not even know fear would not be affected. We are not sure of divine rules and try to overrule HIS LAWS and child’s adventure at many places and make him weaker. The child does not even know what the resistance word means yet but is trying to register advice and guidelines to show him as a good child to his parents. He is also filling his conscious mind and mixing with sub conscious substance he brought as pre natal gift which are his own and has nothing to do with his parents.

Let us see what happens next…………..

These are is my personal views. Using the word “I” does not make my child hood story but is of generic nature of every child in some way. I have used masculine gender but that is incidental and goes equally for any gender. One can read this and view it as his/her own child hood or can relate with the child they are rearing. If one is grandparent they need to observe and simply enjoy.

Note: If you have liked and have something to say as a child hood memory or as a parent do not forget to add few lines for others to read and smile.