Investigators are digging for Hoffa's body, WMDs, and possibly a treasure chest full of gold.

(Milford Township, Michigan) As FBI agents entered their sixth day of digging at a remote
Michigan farm, the US government is now saying that the elusive Iraqi Weapons of Mass
Destruction are surely stashed with Jimmy Hoffa's body at the location. Although UN
weapons inspectors, as well as Interpol detectives have swept the site months ago finding
no trace of either WMDs or Hoffa, Bush remains confident.

"It's all part of Saddam's evil schemes," he contends. "He must have been involved in
the whole teamsters mafia business back in the 70s, and hid his nuclear weapons along
with Hoffa's body after he killed him." In response to a reporter's question, the
president confirmed, "That's right - I believe Saddam killed Jimmy Hoffa. That evildoer!"

Investigators and forensic scientists have been digging for almost a week now, but nothing
of significance has yet been found. "We did find some rusty horseshoes and what looks like
an old bottle of liquor, but we don't believe those are related," said a spokesperson. But
aides to Bush were quick to point out that the horseshoes are so-called "dual-use" items,
which could be used to manufacture weapons of mass destruction. Defense Secretary
Rumsfeld claimed that, "All you have to do is melt them down, and then recast the horseshoes
into a bomb casing - and voila - a WMD!"

Meanwhile, critics are skeptical of the alleged link between Hoffa and Saddam. The theory
originally came from interviews with Iraqi informant "curveball," who has since been
discredited by European intelligence. The name of the farm “Hidden Dreams” was also suspicious.
“It sounds like something, or someone, might be hidden there,” deduced new CIA director Hayden.

Owners of the farm were unreachable for comment. Under condition of anonymity, an FBI agent said they
have been shipped of to the Guantanamo prison. White House spokesman Tony Snow would
"neither confirm nor deny" the allegation.

Retired Teamsters leaders are also skeptical Hoffa's remains would be found at the farm.
"Everyone knows he's buried at Giants Stadium," said one member, "how do we know? Well...
I can't tell you that." A number of others present at the interview chuckled, with one
elderly gentleman making a slashing motion at his throat.

Republicans pre-emptively say that invading the farm, destroying a barn there,
and evicting the residents, will still have been worth it even if neither the WMDs nor
Hoffa are ever found. "Liberating horses is a worthy goal in its own right," asserted
Secretary of State Rice. "Freedom is on the march!" excitedly added Vice President
Cheney. Halliburton has already been given a no-bid contract for providing equipment
and food for the FBI agents on site.

Legendary moustached investigative reporter Geraldo, who helped unveil Al Capone's so-called vault on a
live TV special, has already been called in for support.