The Third Secret of Change

People who successfully navigate change know they are resilient, strong and capable of getting through anything. Period.

No victim, poor-me, blame-something-or-someone attitude, life-is-against-me, no putting yourself down for bad decisions or regrets.

You have a “change muscle,” as i affectionately call it, that part of you that can and will get you through anything. It’s the strength that’s right there in your DNA. Think about it, in the first nine months of your life, you went through more change than you ever will in the rest of your life. Your body is made for change. If it didn’t change every second, you would die.

It’s the same with life. “Change is the law of life.” It must happen, you must allow it to happen. Remember, if you’re in a bad situation, don’t worry it will change. And if you’re in a good situation, don’t worry it will also change!

Your change muscle is the strength that is accumulated from all the changes you’ve been through, the big changes you’ve faced, the ones you’ve initiated, the changes you’ve helped someone else with. Your change muscle has a memory. It remembers every change you’ve made and faced. The change you are facing today may be new, but you don’t show up naked with no resources. You have a part of you that knows exactly how to get through change, you have beliefs, people, insights—in other words, a toolbox. That’s the part you activate now.

The change muscle is like any other muscle. You use it, flex it when you need to dig deep. People are always surprised at how strong they really are.

Remember, the very best of who you are comes out during times of change and transition, not during times of stability.

So many people tell me some version of the following: “I hate change,” “I’m bad at change.” Here’s the truth. Your whole life to date is a combination of change. You’ve just not seen it that way. You have what I call a “change resume.” It’s full of change. You may have graduated, found a job, lost a job, fallen in love, broken up, married, had a child, gone through a health diagnosis, lost weight, quit smoking, bought a home, lost a loved one, gotten out of debt and so on. For every one of these changes, you used your change muscle—your inner and outer resources—to get through it. Each of us has a very defining moment of a change we didn’t think we’d get through. I call this the “Kili moment” after an experience I had on Mt. Kilimanjaro at base camp at 18,000 feet where I had to do something crazy to survive. (For more information on that story, pick up my book!)

What is your Kili moment, that time when you had to pull on every ounce of courage, faith, strength and initiative to get through something? Honor that. That’s you! That part of you is available at anytime you choose to face something tough or to be bold and make a change you know you’ve been craving. Leaders get through change and tough times by being bigger than their obstacles even though they may appear fixed or permanent, and by changing themselves first, re-thinking what’s possible, and using their change muscle so that they can then change their personal or professional environment.

"Ariane is a new voice who can inspire and inform all of us going through change, whether it be big or small, professional or personal. The First 30 Days will encourage people going through change to go from being fearful and alone to feeling optimistic and transformed."— David Bach, New York Times best-seller

"Since change is the only constant in life, it helps to have an expert navigate through the ups and downs of life. The First 30 Days is an excellent guide."— Deepak Chopra, New York Times best-seller

"Essential reading for anyone going through a change. I loved it!"— Wayne Dyer, New York Times best-seller