this is an article my T recommended to me on a study that proves that the effects of childhood bullying often last into adulthood. the study stops at approx 10 years later - after the bullying events - but i think many of us could attest to the fact that the effects can last a lifetime.

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"That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. . . What will your verse be?" Robin Williams as John Keating in "Dead Poets Society"

*victims of bullying in childhood were 4.3 times more likely to have an anxiety disorder as adults*Bullies who were also victims were particularly troubled: 14.5 times more likely to develop panic disorder as adults, 4.8 times more likely to experience depression. 18.5 times more likely to have had suicidal thoughts in adulthood

Those numbers are striking and even higher than I would have thought. I went through some bullying and have been feeling pretty down on myself for having let if affect me so much. Its good to know my issues are not as abnormal as I thought. Thank you for sharing this.

Bullying is not a harmless rite of passage, but inflicts lasting psychiatric damage on a par with certain family dysfunctions, Dr. Copeland said. “The pattern we are seeing is similar to patterns we see when a child is abused or maltreated or treated very harshly within the family setting,” he said.

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I come here now, and I see lots of anger.I don't blame anyone for that. It is perfectly understandable.But it is not healthy for me.So I'm going somewhere else.

On the one hand, I would tell people I don't need an article to tell me that the effects of bullying leave permanent scars on it's victims. I was bullied mercilessly all through elementary, middle and high school. I know how badly it scarred me. The scars bullying left on my mind, heart and soul are probably just as permanent as the scars left from any childhood sexual trauma. Perhaps not as deep, but just as permanent.

On the other hand, I'm glad articles like this one are out there, because it gives me hope that people's eyes will be open to the truth about bullying and the lasting effects it has. Also, reading an article like this one is somehow validating. For the most part, when an adult mentions that he/she was badly bullied as a child, it seems like most people's attitude is, "Oh, so what? BOO-HOO! So other kids were mean you when you were little! Grow up and get over it you fucking pussy!" That may still be the attitude a lot of people have, but it's nice to see studies being done that prove those attitudes are largely ignorant. (Not that I needed a study to tell me that.)

Sadly, I have to admit that I was not only a victim of bullying but at times the perpetrator. I just feel like it's not entirely honest of me to post about this without admitting to my own cruel behavior. In 8th-10th grade I went through a real mean streak of my own. I was still being bullied but there were three kids in the school who were lower on the food chain than I was. I am deeply ashamed of how cruel I was to them. I suppose I was acting out my own torment on more vulnerable kids but that's not an excuse. As an adult I have had the opportunity to apologize personally to two of those three kids for my bullying of them but not the third. If I ever get the chance to tell her I'm sorry, I will, but I have not been able to find her. Oh well. Sorry for going off on a tangent. Peace.

I believe the abuse is bullying, because the abuser mentally bullies us into believing it is right and hurts us in so many ways. I think many of us accepts bullying as a part of life. I look at my own life and I see it as as continuing pattern--but it hurts most when years later you marry and have a family and you begin to feel these feelings over and over--spat on, locked in a room and people outside laughing and saying you are useless, being ignored, dismissed while you see the abuser in your mind, the visions of being taken to the cellar, locked in and being told you are special and his hands and body all over you. I cry and ask them to stop but the laughter continues, I cannot get out, he pulls down my pants and he rubs against me and pushes it in and I hear the laughter of those around me. He hurts me and I am alone again. Who am I, why do I live. Why do I attract people to hurt me. I do not know how to go forward. His face and penis I see so clearly. Why must I live with this. Maybe I should not. It is so ravishing. I just want it to go away. His penis in me, hurts but some part of me loves him, I hate that part of me--I should not hate myself but I do. Maybe tomorrow it will be over. But it never happens

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"That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. . . What will your verse be?" Robin Williams as John Keating in "Dead Poets Society"

Bad day--many negative thoughts crossed my mind. Had therapy yesterday and I left a bit unsettled. Talking and uncovering emotions and memories, it sometimes has this effect on me--realizing how real everything is and processing some thoughts for the first time that I can remember. Emotions bubbling that were buried for decades erupting. Maybe this is part of the process releasing everything around the abuse, memories, emotions and those around the triggers. I can forgive those that triggered the past, but the abuser I cannot but I know somehow I must forgive myself and the part of me that has those emotions of love or feeling special to the abuser. Sometimes I think that part of me sees the hurt the abuser did but until I welcome that part of me into the whole the abuser is all he has. I am slowly letting that part in, learning to love that part of me. It is all so complicated--and draining. Thanks

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