We need a Christmas miracle, for a 24-year-old man has unceremoniously pooped all over the innocence of youth. It all went down last week during a Christmas Parade on – wait for it – Princess Street in Kingston, Ontario.

According to The Star (via Jezebel) a sauced-up man told “blasphemous lies” to children, insisting that Santa Claus doesn’t exist.

“It was pretty despicable that someone, during this time of the year, would tell kids Santa isn’t real — which of course we would argue,” Steve Koopman of the Kingston Police told the paper.

Of course.

The dead-ass who stole Christmas had gelled hair that “looked like a set of devil horns protruding from his head.”

Jezebel reader comments:

- I figured out Santa when I realized he had the EXACT handwriting as my mom. EVERY YEAR.

- When I mentioned this to my mom she tried to play it off like it was magic, and then the next year “Santa” had my dad’s handwriting, which I also recognized. They gave up after that and just told me not to tell my little brother.

- I think the illusion was shattered when I began to suspect that the chewing tobacco flecks all over the milk glass and cookies were probably from my Dad. Santa likely doesn’t dip.