Finally! Here’s the sanctioned and official photo shoot from W Magazine’s August cover story, featuring Charlize Theron and Michael Fassbender promoting Prometheus, because it’s not like that movie didn’t come out seven weeks ago. Oh, wait. I previewed the photo shoot yesterday, and last week I wrote an open letter to Charlize telling her to BACK OFF The Fassbender. Did she listen? Of course not. Now, I get that a lot of you Charlize-loonies think that she and Fassy are hot together and you think they’re boning of course, because how could ANY dude not want to hit it with your ice queen? But I’m still of the opinion that Charlize has an uncomfortable, one-sided attraction to Fassy and she’s really trying to make it happen, and he’s just not into it. You know what it reminds me of? The way Julia Roberts was (and probably still is) with Clive Owen. Julia is ALL ABOUT Clive and he’s like, “Eh, she’s nice. But does she know I’m married?” Anyway, some highlights from W’s interview (you can read the full piece here):

Charlize on her Young Adult character and Michael’s Shame character: “I would like to see a romantic comedy between those two characters.”

Fassy on the first Charlize Theron movie he ever saw: “The Devil’s Advocate. I knew nothing about it before I went, and during the movie I thought, Well, who’s this person? I had no idea what the movie was about.

Charlize on her first Fassy movie: “Hunger. A friend said, “You have to see this movie. It’s the best thing I’ve seen in my entire life.” I thought, Just chill out, okay? But I was absolutely blown away by it. It was, like, all bets are off from now on. This is the guy.”

Fassy on how he dies in so many movies: “I try to die in most films I do. In 300 I was killed by arrows. In Inglourious Basterds I got my testicles blown off through my ass… I had two exit wounds sewn into my pants: one on each butt cheek. It was a great death.”

Fassy on sex scenes versus death scenes: “I don’t know. Sex scenes sound like more fun than they are. Death scenes are easier, really. Maybe because I’ve died so many times. I’ve had a lot of practice. In my movies, I’m often naked or dying.”

A funny exchange:

W: What’s harder to do? A death scene or a sex scene?
CT: It depends on who you’re doing the sex scene with. I don’t have issues being naked [pauses]. That sounds very slutty.
MF: Kind of. I didn’t want to say anything, but yes.
CT: What I mean is, I’m not hung up on my body, and I’ve been lucky to work with people I’ve been really comfortable with. I’ve had maybe two occasions where…
MF: It’s been uncomfortable.
CT: And Michael’s one of the two who did not make me feel very comfortable [laughter].
MF: I was a robot!

I like where he (jokingly!) slut-shames her. I would imagine he’s friendly and nice to all of his costars and SOME of them just read it the wrong way and convince themselves that Fassy is their immortal beloved (coughCharlizecough). Now, I completely understand how that can happen, which is why I haven’t issued a Fassy-fatwa on Charlize. I can’t hate her too hard because WE ARE THE SAME. I too could easily convince myself that Fassy is my immortal beloved and perhaps if I just organize a sketchy, leather-clad photo shoot and shove his face into my biscuits while he’s hanging upside down… maybe THEN HE WOULD LOVE ME.

They wish. They’re just trying to call dibs on the “hey we photographed two celebrities!” schtick, like Interview is all about “hey here’s Jack Nicholson interviewing January Jones”.

These pictures would had about the same effect (meaning not very much) with models. Seeing photos of these two interacting naturally would have been much more interesting… photo assumption and all…

Also, these faux “couple” photos just needlessly aggravate the female/gay fans. I always loved Rebecca Hall until they posed her rubbing up on Jon Hamm (and until she apparently skeeved with that fugly Mr. Winslet fellow). Anyway, hands off the Hamm/Fassy/etc.!

Well, in my experience the amount of aggressiveness in courtship is not something you can do much to change.
I tend to be fairly aggressive with guys I don’t really care about emotionally. I tend to get extremely shy with guys I have crushes on. And I tend to be extremely friendly and nice to pretty much everybody, and get mistaken often (more like all the time, what is it with guys that makes them think when you smile at them, you’re interested?!), so I can relate to both of them.

Srsly, Zuckenberg had quite the thinking there when he invented the “relationship status” and “interested in” thing.

The same for me! I’m open and chatty with men I don’t care for and guys always think I’m flirting with them (I’m not, it’s called being nice!). But guys I like, I clam up, though I’m getting better at NGaF and having confidence no matter how pretty they are.

I don’t think she’s the kind of guurl to take “no” for an answer. Especially since probably 99 % of the men she’s after will jump at the opportunity. Unfortunately for her, as luck will have it, Fassy is in the improbable 1 %.

Just youtube the Oscar Roundtable with Charlize, Fassy, Clooney and others – she is all but SITTING on him.
She irritates me at times, but I tend to agree – I can’t blame her. And it’s horrible when you’ve got your eye on someone who really doesn’t think the same way as you.

We have to handed it to her though. She’s not afraid to come off as desperate. But what’s with Fassy’s slut-shaming? For someone who has done quite audacious photo shoots for Shame, this seems a bit hypocritical doesn’t?

Yes,i’m talking about that one,now,if she only put her face straight to his peen ,then it would look more interesting than that,rather than shying away from it,you know she wants it!Then i’ll feel more slutty too!lol!

Honestly, nothing against Ms. Theron, but her character’s development in Prometheus seemed forced and kind of haphazardly thrown into the plot. They could have cut her character out for all I cared.

And the ship’s captain reminded me of Chef from South Park. I made mention of this observation to my husband while in the theater and thereafter, whenever the captain said his lines on-screen, my husband would lean over and whisper in his best Chef voice, “you got to find the clitoris”. I was laughing so hard at one point, I almost had to leave the theater.

I don’t like these pictures. It just feels so TRY TOO HARD. Both of these people are attractive, but that doesn’t mean there is going to be chemistry. I don’t see any chemistry. And this spread does not fit Charlize. I don’t see her in a bondage situation. I think this is more for her next movie then anything else.

Sexy doesn’t have to be so in your face. It simply is. You don’t have to have two people all tied up and in awkward poses to say sexy.

And obviously Charlize is trying to add to her image. The man is not into her. he has a girlfriend and is not into her at all. It is a bit much that she keeps pushing it. And yes men jokingly say things but sometimes the joke is speaking the truth. she needs to bark up another tree.

Does he get so many questions about sex, sex-scenes, type of women he likes, his peen, sex,… ets., ets. because he talks happily about it?Or he talks about it anyway?
I’m getting sort of “try hard” vibe from him.Not really sexy.

He doesn’t bring the topic up. He’s asked about it and then answers frankly, which encourages more reporters to ask more questions. I wouldn’t say he’s try-hard at all, just not very savvy about celebrity “journalism” and how to deflect.

Yes, it seems kind of obvious to me Charlize has “made herself available” & has been politely rebuffed by Fassbender….just my impressions. And…this has occurred on such a public forum (a magazine interview/article no less)…maybe Charlize should just move on…..God knows if I had done/said what Charlize did….and was politely rebuffed…that’s what I’D DO….for sure!

I’m a bit surprised Charlize didn’t already know that (Fassbenders “type”), but maybe she did, and her attraction was so strong she thought she’d just go for it???

Yes, I think Charlize is gorgeous…but you know, it’s NOT ALL ABOUT LOOKS. There’s so much more at play when it comes to attraction. Honestly, I think when it comes to sexual attraction/chemistry, it can all boil down to A MOLECULAR LEVEL….& despite how good one looks/appears….that may not “do it” for the other person.

Kaiser has mentioned about 1,000,000 times that Fassy *seems* to prefer dark-skinned women. It kind of grates on me when people make blanket statements that he *ONLY* dates brown-skinned women as if he has some sort of fetish. Personally, I’ve dated black guys in the past and my boyfriend now is black (I’m white) but in between that I’ve dated dudes of all different colors-white, brown etc. Sometimes you just fall in love with who you fall in love with and it has nothing to do with a “type” or a skin color preference. *shrugs*

Fassy has dated Asian, White, Black, Mixed race women. Tall, medium and short women. Every type under the sun. Dating one Black woman doesn’t mean that is the only type of woman he will date from now to eternity anymore than dating an Asian woman means he only dated Asian women from then on. Difference between a fetish and dating based on shared interests.

I’ve dated Black and Latino men doesn’t mean I have some kind of fetish for only Black and Latino men. I date White men too. Would date an Asian man if we connect. Someone needs to tell that woman the ‘once you go Black you never go back’ rule is just a joke.

Meh, I don’t think she’s interested in him at all. I think they’re just good mates, get on really well and are very comfortable with each other. That’s what I get from any interviews they’ve done together. If anything, I think she’s just enjoying the fact that she knows he’s hot property and gets to tease people a bit with the relationship they have. And really, slut-shaming? To me, and I would guess most (certainly British/Irish) people, that’s just playful banter, and these two playing off each other.

This was awesome. Thanks, Kaiser. This is the charming Fassy we know and love. I love Charlize to death but she doesn’t have a chance in hell with him. Her comment about her YA character and his Shame character starring in a rom com cracked me up.

But yeah, these photos are terribly unsexy and try-hard. They’re both gorgeous people but this spread really shows some serious awkwardness and lack of chemistry IMO.

I too could easily convince myself that Fassy is my immortal beloved and perhaps if I just organize a sketchy, leather-clad photo shoot and shove his face into my biscuits while he’s hanging upside down… maybe THEN HE WOULD LOVE ME.

Kaiser, you had me laugh so hard with that line I almost peed my bed >.<

First I wanna start by saying I love Michael through thick and thin no matter what to the ends of the earth . I would be on my knees for him in a micro- second. But I wish interviewers would STOP asking him about sex and his penis. There is way more to this man then just sex. I do realize that sex sells but I want more of him . This was just my rant for the day .

You have to understand the psychology behind this. Charlize Theron is VERY much into Fassbender. You can see it in all of their interviews, all of their public appearances, etc. Look at her body language. She wants him bad. She is desperate. Charlize Theron is also aware of the fact that Fassbender will be starring with Noomi Rapace in Prometheus 2 (and probably 3) while Theron’s character, Meredith Vickers, died in Prometheus.

So the only opportunity she got now to getting close to him is making Fassbender do a hot photoshoot with her. And oh how convenient, they both have been in W Magazine before. So my guess is that:

1) Charlize Theron talks W Magazine into it.

2) Fassbender says yes. NOT because he REALLY wants to do it, but because of the fact that she is Charlize “Academy Award Winner” Theron. It’s good for his acting career. It gives that extra boost. Besides, it makes more fangirls swoon and keeps him on the Top Sexy Male Actors list.

3) Look at the energy behind this photoshoot. Charlize Theron is very aggressive, dominating. While Fassbender is not really emotionally involved and seems to be doing it without big enthusiasm. He is actually almost scared of Charlize Theron’s energy.

We have to keep in mind that Fassbender has a girlfriend and that makes Charlize Theron probably more desperate, knowing that he is taken. And remember Charlize Theron’s speech where she said that she “want to work with Fassbender’s d**k”? Well, there you have it.

They both did a very good job in Prometheus. But I like the characters, not the actors behind them.

….and WHYYYYY no one noticed that CT and MF had a Sex Scene (David/Vickers) in Prometheus? It was probably cut (will hopefully be in the extended edition Prometheus DVD) – but LOOK they are totally spilling it in this interview:

“MF: It’s been uncomfortable.
CT: And Michael’s one of the two who did not make me feel very comfortable [laughter].
MF: I was a robot!”

Wow, these comments are slightly cray cray. And I can’t get on board with Fassy the person. I like Fassy the actor. But the person may or may not be guilty of domestic violence. And if it weren’t for all the critical acclaim and the shadowy girlfriend, this bit of news would have been a much bigger ordeal.

As for Charlize, I think it’s funny that people are trying to create an argument that Fassy doesn’t want her or that there is any sort of wanting on either end. Charlize is without a doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world. She doesn’t need this dude. Creatively, sure. But physically, she can do much better. Sorry Kaiser, much love <3.

ITA with you about Charlize. I don’t think she’s the “most beautiful woman in the world” but I really don’t see her crying into her pillow at night over Fassy. It seems like she had some fun flirtation with him and that’s it.

As far as Fassy The Woman Beater. Personally, I give people the benefit of the doubt when it’s a case of being convicted in the “court of public opinion”. It was her word against his and charges were dropped. This is not like Chris Brown where we had pictures of a brutal beating or Mel Gibson’s constant rage-capades captured on audio. Sorry, but it’s just unfair to crucify a guy’s reputation based on one isolated incident that was never proven.
That being said, if he has another “questionable” incident with domestic violence, I think most Fassy fans will dump him because where there’s smoke, there’s fire.

It’s so strange how gossip sites constantly imagine women are panting after men who don’t want them. That’s not the way the world works. And Charlize Theron? Who could get just about anyone she wanted? She’s far too good for Fassbender, who even if he isn’t an abuser, is nothing special.

I think people are desperate to have a new Hottest guy and the next hottest couple.

Thing is hot couples just happen. It can’t be predicted or invented. I just think Fassbender is unfortunately falling into a niche in his interviews. It works on women, but I don’t know if he has that much needed male audience yet. And in my mind that is necessary for longevity. Women fawning all over him is not what he needs. Sorry women’s taste change so much. Now it is Fassbender until the next guy comes.

They are both so beautiful and sexy, but this photo shoot really is awful. They have no chemistry in these pictures. For a contrast, I’d like to point everyone to this picture of Joseph Gordon Levitt and Claudia Schiffer (who I would never have thought to put together but HOT DAMN):\

Isn’t Charlize a new mom? Shouldn’t she be focusing her energies on her son for a few months before trying to jump someones bones? I know people are going to disagree with me but I just can’t imagine wanting to run around with guys when I have my adorable bundle at home. I know there comes a time when single moms want to date and maybe have their hookups but geeze can’t she lay off of it for a few months.

Stop bitching about Charlize! Just accept that she has a bit of a crush on him, and they are friendly. Charlize kicks ass hard whether she is kind of pathetically into Fassbender or not. She’s talented, hot, and funny. You guys make it sound like she’s a mousy wallflower who just got stood up for prom.

I’m not bitching about Charlize…I am complete f*cking jealous of her! I mean did you see picture #1…I want my hands to be where her’s are damn it!
I am talented, hot and funny in my own way so why can’t I pose in leather with him huh? Some damn women get everything. Hmph.

Charlize knows how to pose people…what are you talking about…her face is incredible… That Fassbender guy is ruining the pictures…He’s couldn’t be more wrong. Charlize on the other hand needed to be photographed solo!