I love writing. I revere the use of language as an instrument for seeking the truth about life. My books are downloadable and the paperback editions will be appearing soon. Click on the links at the right side of this page. Peruse this blog, it's loaded with music, photography and writing. Hey, sign up for my email list!

Thursday, March 1, 2012

TOTAL CELL PHONE BAN COMING SOON!

August 1, 2014

The proof is in, and scientists have concluded that cell phones do indeed cause brain damage. Governments worldwide have stepped up their efforts to recall wireless devices at specified collection points.

This
is, of course, a disaster for the communications industry. Accusations of bad faith have been launched at the big companies. The congressional moratorium on lawsuits and refunds has caused riots in American cities.

Media
commercials for cell phones have completely stopped. The vast airwave dead time will currently be filled with inspirational
music by Yanni and Clannad. The Corporations need new products and it needs them fast.
Marketing execs are working at top speed to fill the
void. The most promising ideas are
coming from the automobile industry.
Vietnamese conglomerate NGUYENGIAP is preparing a sedan with a
fifty two inch FlexVision LED. The screen and speakers will
be seamlessly integrated into the vehicle by expanding the windshield and using software and GPS systems to drive the car without the input of a human being. A steering wheel can be engaged at speeds below 15 MPH.
NGUYENGIAP's design team has apparently pulled off a brilliant coup and finally merged the auto and entertainment industries.

UPDATE: January 2016

The
degree of emotional shock was not anticipated when consumers were
separated from their cell phones. The
most common symptoms are anxiety, rage and feelings of powerlessness. Therapists aren't doing well in helping millions of shaken souls. Consumers have been going into fugue
states. They look into empty space
while their thumbs tremble with greater and greater agitation. Pfizer Pharmaceuticals is testing a medication to reduce these symptoms. Consumers are also being provided with dummy
cell phones to alleviate the effects of what is now called "Texter Reflex
Muscle Memory Syndrome". TRMMS. Or just "Trims".

The
dummy phones are programmed with several hundred generic messages, such as
"See you at home," "Tht ws wild lst nite", "Is he cute?", "Did U DO it?", "Gt any E?", "My parents
will be gone tnt", "Did yr doc sign yr pot ticket?", and so
forth. These messages are randomly scrambled and appear on the dummy phone
screens to provide the illusion that consumers are connected to their friends. Strangely enough, users of these phones forget this fact and believe nothing has changed, that they are using fully connected phones. This is now called "Object Belief Dissonance," or OBD. The therapy has had mixed results, but since the killing of Yanni and
the disappearance of Clannad, Pfizer has been given the green light by the FDA
to widely distribute the new medication.
It will be marketed under the name Gontwich CR.

The GIAP 300SLD hybrid vehicle has
sold well. Unfortunately, the glitches in the auto-sensors and self-guidance software have caused "mishaps". Firmware updates have eliminated 88 percent
of minor collisions and 76 percent of fatal head-ons. Rival designs from BMW and Mercedes are
appearing on the market as of this writing.
The Mercedes Double Decker Home Theater Hybrid boasts a
whopping 62 mpg. It also has Picture-In-Picture-In-Picture. Sales have been good. BMW has matched this success with its clever
Mirror 32ESL. The vehicle features advanced autopilots and software. There is also a choice between full autopilot
and manual driving. Many consumers
enjoy the actual process of driving and guiding a vehicle. BMW has catered to this market and relegates
the Big Screen TV to a cleverly designed rear compartment. There have
been fewer fatal incidents among drivers of the 32ESL.

PacBell
and other utilities were hoping for a resurgence of conventional telephone
usage. Unfortunately, the outbreak of
the stuttering epidemic has forced utilities to put telephone innovations on
the back burner.

Such treatments as aversion therapy and
immobilizing the thumbs with modified cuffs has only intensified the
issue. Parents of adolescents are
still, as they say, "talking to empty space", but statistics indicate
there has been a five percent rise in direct eye contact among members of
nuclear families.

Hope
always burns high that there will be a return to ancient modes of inter-personal conversation. Rumors are
floating about that Mercedes is bringing back a vehicle with bullet-proof transparent
polymer windows that open and close. Mercedes clings
to its vision of a future where people greet other people in vehicles or engage
in curbside dialogue.

All of
this turmoil may be history when Nokia introduces the ZeroRad Mini-Phone that has
been designed to operate without the use of the dangerous selenium diode and
other circuits that ramped up microwave emissions to one thousand times the
minimum non-lethal dosage.

Nokia
employee Jorma Kikkinen, the "whistleblower" who broke the radiation
scandal is still being sought by authorities but is feared to have met with
foul play.

About Me

A Midwesterner by birth, I migrated to the West Coast just in time to be a hippie but discovered that I related better to the Beatniks. I harkened back to an "old school" world of hard bop, Coltrane, jazz, poetry, painting and photography. A large part of my life went "off the rails" and I experienced the reality of the streets for too long. Putting myself back together was the defining experience of my life so far. It wasn't easy. It did, however, nurture the writer in me. I have written novels, memoirs, poems, humorous fake emails, and commercials

for ridiculous non existent products. I have a passion for astronomy, history, psychology, the pure abstract absurdity of human experience (what the hell is it?). My partner is an honest to god Animal Communicator, as nutty as that may sound to some people. She is the real deal. She also suffers from Fibro and it's a curse with which we must work every day. Come visit my blog and