About this Book

Sandoval glances at his watch, and I despise him for his insensitivity. He has places to go, things to see, a life to live. Im stuck here, in this orange jumpsuit, staring at these four walls until the State decides its time to end my miserable life.

He rises and offers a half wave, a resigned move, like he topples his king at the end of a brutal chess match. His footsteps echo out of hearing range, and silence returns to my cell. I go to my bed, lie on my back, and face the ceiling. The paint is gray and without cracks, and the light in the center burns with mild intensity. I stare until spots float before my eyes, get up and sit at the desk in the corner. I have decided to give my attorneythat bloodsucker with the ingratiating smilewhat he wants. I pick up my pencil and begin the first chapter.

Lucy was born with a genetic illness. She died when she was seven, a skinny little girl with knobbed knees and a bucktoothed smile. We loved each other like life itself.

I write for three hours, scratch out every sentence but the first three, scrawl a three-word ending.

Screw you, God.

Does the in-between matter? I was sixteen when she died, and I spent my adolescent nights thinking about God and the fairness of the world. I had a choice and knew it. I could believe or deny his existence. I chose to believe.

Why?

It is impossible to hate something that does not exist.

So, I will not write about my sister in this autobiography, I will not commercialize the name of Lucy K. Oliver. I will begin on a day when I received an offer I couldnt refuse. Should I have turned it down? Maybe yes, maybe no. I only know one thing for sure.

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