Tuesday, December 27, 2011

After 34 years of marriage I had lost myself in my husband. I think it's supposed to be that way, but then when one is basically ripped in half and must rediscover herself it's an eye opener. I had no idea that one day I would have to figure out who I was, all by myself.
It's weird but my pantry looks different, my walls are changing, my wardrobe is the same, but how I dress is not. The things I think about don't get bounced off of a man anymore, and I'm learning to live the woman in the mirror.
How many girls marry right out of school? How many girls go from their parent's home to the marriage bed never really knowing who they are? I was one of those. I had a strong personality and ideas, but both were formed by the standards and ideas of my patents. Then I entered into a committed life with my husband and again someone else dictated much of what I thought was right.
Now I'm taking stock of my life and it's a little weird to work at finding out who I am apart from my parents and apart from the man I spent most of my life with.
It's a little freeing, but it's also a little scary. I guess I'm outta the boat and Jesus and I are gonna walk on the water together. I'm glad there's no click ticking that says I have to figure it out now. One day at a time and I'm in charge. If course God is first so though I'm learning about me, He's right there with lots of answers.
The journey continues.
- love never fails.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

"Godliness with contentment is great gain". Those words are sticking in my throat as I speak them. How many times over the years have I used them, but now in a certain situation I want them to disappear?

It's amazing how many scriptures I can find to support what I want, but it isn't about what I want, but what God wants. I can hear other words, "Not my will but thine".

My husband used to call me "spoiled", and I have to admit I was. The older I get in faith, the less of that God tolerates and the less of it I can allow as well. Lining my will up to God's is what faith towards God is all about.

I'm going to be honest and say I'm afraid to be alone. I've grown accustomed to being married to an honest to goodness human. Being married to God is a whole new world. There is no manipulation of God. It is very different to say the very least.

My peace comes with the knowledge that God is working in me both to will and to do of His good pleasure. As a spoiled child I don't always want to do His will. As an obedient daughter I will lay down my will to accomplish His.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

The past three days were so fun. To bring light to folks wherever the Lord sends me is a pure delight. Getting to where the Lord sends me is quite another story. The word tells us to count it all joy (calm delight) when we fall into a variety of trials and temptations knowing that the trial of our faith put patience to work! If we will allow a calm joy to settle in our hearts, little Miss Patience will be working behind the scenes supplying everything we need for the work at hand.

I'm new to traveling and ministering on my own. My husband and I traveled for several years, but eventually my husband thought it best I stay home and he travel. After his death this past September I hit the road to care for the folks he had always ministered to. The groups are coming together and growing, but I have a learning curve now that I'm taking over this new (to me) work.

I began enlisting the prayer groups I'm connected to as well as began asking my own "lambs" to intercede. It surely has made a difference. I've even been asked by gals in the Oklahoma prayer group about studies in their area! That really excites me.

I'm learning my strengths, weaknesses, and how to rest, fast, study and pray for the work God has called me to. It's exciting and now I'm getting a clearer and clearer vision of where God wants me. Living and living traveling in Christ!

From my cozy nook in Roswell, NM and looking forward to a safe and prosperous trip to Lovington!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

I'm not a big TV watcher. Mainly because I tend to overdo it and am too drawn into the familiar "boob tube", as my dad called it. Now mind you I do have a few favorite programs I record for watching at later dates when I can allocate time for such indulgences. I was taught well to get my work done and then partake of the pleasures that the work brings. Even in that I'm picky and won't watch 97% of what is offered.

I prefer more cerebral programming, but do enjoy occasional "comedy relief". I enjoy a good mystery from time to time, but gore and thrillers are strictly "off limits" to me. Again because I'm drawn into them way too deeply.

What is it about TV that is so appealing to us? Are our own lives so boring that we must be peeping Toms in someone else's drama? Or are our lives too dramatic and we need to know that, "we aren't alone"? I'm not sure about anyone else's reasons, but for me it's the story. A well written and acted story excites and entertains me. To live inside a different perspective is simply wonderful. I remember when the revelation that everyone didn't think or live as I lived came. I was both shocked, terrified and curious to know why. TV offered a huge smorgasbord of answers to my curiosity. It was a somewhat safe viewing platform for research into my new subject of interest. Although I'm not sure how realistic a great majority of what we see on TV is, it most certainly offers different perspectives than my own.

In spite of my hunger for understanding I still am extremely cautious about what and how much I watch. I think there truly can be "too much" of a good thing as well as a bad thing. A lot of what is on television panders to our baser instincts. This world is a dark place, which means the darkness is going to come into the sanctuary of our homes if allowed. Too much dessert is as bad as a little arsenic.

I will continue to "do research" into the world of other people's perspectives, but always with a measured spoon of moderation. I am pretty sure one can watch "too much TV"!