Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Mrs. Cabinet: "Yes, I'm one of your patients, but I'm calling about my husband. He was putting cole slaw away after our Memorial Day barbecue, and he bumped his head on a cabinet."

Dr. Grumpy: "Did he get knocked out? Or is he sleepy? Or weak anywhere?"

Mrs. Cabinet: "No, but he has this big lumpy bruise on forehead. I want an MRI on him, immediately. We can do it tonight. Just tell me where to go."

Dr. Grumpy: "Well, I really can't order that on him. I mean, he's not my patient, and I can't set up tests after office hours. The best I can suggest is that you take him to an ER, and let them assess him, and see if they feel he needs further testing."

Mrs. Cabinet: "I don't want to take him to an ER. He only bumped his head. Going there would be overkill."

You have to tell her one of these days that your state would call what she's doing practicing medicine. And I'll bet this stuff makes that boutique practice stuff sound really, really good right about now, doesn't it?

And besides, an MRI costs a hell of a lot more than a ER copay for most insurance...assuming ColeSlaw Mrs. has it.

Oy! I just tell them I'm a nurse and cannot diagnose. See your favorite healthcare provider.

Maybe she's the one who hit her head and is therefore as confused as she claims her husband is.

It makes me wonder sometimes, being a patient myself, if my doctors really would think I was nuts if I called them for medical advice regarding every single person I know. That just seems entirely unfair.

As a future MD, there's something to be said for compassion, but holy crap. With some of the things you deal with, I don't know how you keep your cool!

To "The Mother"--my mother always said I had a thick skull, as in "Get that through your thick skull." So if I bumped my head she'd just say, "Well thank God it was just your head, we know no damage was done!"

Pager goes off during church on Sunday. It's a patient of Dr. Cheapo, who practices 2 counties away. Seems Fifi has been coughing for 3 days. "Why don't you call Dr. Cheapo?", I ask. "Well, I know he's a good Christian. He's probably at church with his family." I felt like yelling, "Where the eff do you think I am?"

When I told her what I charge for an emergency call, she decided Fifi could wait to see Dr. Cheapo on Monday.

Stick him in one w/o ear plugs, tell the tech to use the loudest and the most annoying sequence, and scare the wife with some facts about the rare renal-impairment related Gad. reaction (excluding the detail about it happening in renal-impaired peeps). Hhahah!!!! >:O. Hm... no one should ever let me work in a position with direct patient contact.

Anyway, if anyone wants an MRI STAT, don't they need to goto the ER? I don't know of any plans that allows complex radiology imaging w/o a pre-auth except in an emergency...

Your pages sound like mine - I'm the pharmacist on call for the hospital and so far I've been called to supply a premixed IV bag that comes from stores, not pharmacy, and a non-formulary medication that the patient was using their own (it was at the bedside).

Oh wow... calling you for an MRI isn't overkill, but going to the ER to see if he actually needed an MRI at all is overkill...

My brother hit his head while at school before. He was the unlucky victim of a stray basketball. Got his head hit from the front by the flying orange sphere, and from behind because the blow from the front caused him to slam into the brick wall behind him. Nurse called saying he had a concussion because he was dizzy and puking all over her office. Sounded like the nurse was having fun. Dad took him to an urgent care clinic, where the doctor looked him over and pretty much said he'll most likely be just fine and just to watch him and if it got worse take him to the ER and whatnot-- oh and don't let him hit his head again haha. He got better-- but he still hates basketball....

Welcome to my whining!

This blog is entirely for entertainment purposes. All posts about patients may be fictional, or be my experience, or were submitted by a reader, or any combination of the above. Factual statements may or may not be accurate.

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