After all this time together, his raging, evil, twisted, latent monster surfaced and left me in total shock! Talking about it to anyone will only make my nightmare worse if he finds out, so I am venting here, anonymously. I have to have somewhere to let it out. I now know he is a narcissist, but what else? bipolar? schizoid? psychotic? schizophrenic? some other mental disorder? I hope someone can help me answer this and find a way to get me out of here!.

Monday, December 5, 2016

Where to Start

I'm not sure where to even start. My fiance and I have been together for just over 5 years. The first 4.5 years were terrific! We didn't even have our first fight until just past the 4 year mark. But during that time, we lived in separate homes . . . an hour apart.

Almost a year ago, I moved to his place (that is a long story in itself, that I will get to). Although life stunk, it was just a few days after Christmas the we moved me and the dogs and we all had to move into a tent, we were getting along great. Everything was very good between us for several months.

Then one day, all HECK broke loose! He had gotten up (as usual) before me. He came back into the tent and had a very strange air about him. His color was dark, he looked somewhat swollen, and had a very indescribable look in his eyes. I we so worried that he was seriously sick, or something had happened to someone close so I sat on up and asked, "What's wrong?"

He went into a VERY unexpected, made-no-sense rage that lasted for a couple of hours. I will get to what the rage was about in another post. My time on here is extremely limited. If I get caught doing this blog, life will be worse, probably beyond my comprehension. But it was a daily event that had been occurring right along that I had no idea was a problem. It wasn't for me, not under the current circumstances we are living in.

It totally blew my mind and confused me beyond description, not to mention sent me into out of control tears. No more tears, now. Just strong determination to figure a way out of this mess!

As I said, I don't expect anyone to read my blog, but if you are, and my scrambled venting leaves you with questions, please feel free to ask. I need to go for now. I have a long chore list to complete. It isn't possible to complete it, so I will be in trouble for that. And I will do a lot of it wrong (in his eyes) and I will be in trouble for that, but I have to try my hardest to get as far as I can, the best that I can, until I can figure a out a way to escape from my nightmare.