The Straw Man’s Guide to Wimberley

is when someone fabricates the other side’s position — essentially making up something — in an effort to avoid discussing the real point.

You’ve

seen that in the past in the Comments section of At Large, when crazy guys would write in and go off on stuff that wasn’t in the blog.

Today, I’m going to take up the mantle and — using decorative scarecrows that I saw in front of several stores and businesses in this peaceful and beautiful town today — make stuff up.

Austin is the Live Music Capital of the World. Wimberley must be the Dead Music Capital of the world. Rock stars + America’s obsession with thin = this

This is a tribute to the nearby community of New Braunfels. If it was a real tribute, the scarecrow would be a shirtless tuber, drunk, dripping wet and reeking of sun block, yelling at his kids in an otherwise quiet restaurant.

This is either a reindeer or Croooooow from Mystery Science Theater 3000.

This is that niece of yours who never, ever talks to anyone at family gatherings and is obsessed with vampires. If Wimberley had a Starbucks, she would work there.

Mars needs women, but Wimberley needs pest control.

This is a tribute to the small town cracker, who sits around, doing nothing, but still holds a prominent place in local society. In this case, he’s the guy with the gourds.

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