If there’s one thing we loathe about the modern football more than anything it’s the endemic diving, contact-seeking and “simulation” that currently riddles the game from top to bottom, though sometimes you’ve just got to hold up your hands and offer a polite round of golf applause – especially when it’s as amusingly half-arsed as this next example, yet still somehow manages to con a penalty out of a referee!

We join the action part-way through the recent German sixth tier fixture between SV Böblingen and Göppinger SV, with one of Göppinger’s forwards hurtling into the box with one singular plan of action in mind: to hit the deck, cross his fingers and hope for the best.

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Let’s say the striker is in fact hit on the foot by the defender and thus loses his balance. Then it is possible for him to trip a few steps later. Nevertheless the foul would be made outside the box, indicating that a free kick would be the proper reward for the attacking team, not a penalty.

Usually at least one person sticks up for the diver and comes out with some excuse usually involving the most popular and infuriating word in football, “contact”. However, I thought that in this case it would just be impossible.
Wesley, congratulations you pulled it off.