Tag Archives: empathy

It is about 2-3 weeks my mid semester exams are over, now everything is going on calmly, with no extraneous pressures. But the week of mid semester exams was quite an enervating week, we had exam every other day, but it had moments which shone some light on some really important facts.

Every person in this world wants a better reality than the one that they possess!

It was the day before my penultimate exam. I had just awoken from a nap, and just began studying the notes. But somehow nothing was getting inside my head. I was scared, so I called my friend and asked him if it would be OK if I come over his room and we could study together. He agreed, and I was happy by it. In about 15 minutes, I was at his room in his hostel. We started studying the notes together and it began quite fruitfully. Our conversation as we revised took a different turn. They turned from me asking my friend doubts to us talking and comparing room sizes and roommates. I was surprised to know that we faced similar problems. As hours went by, I got acquitted with his room, surroundings and hostel in general. My mind unconsciously compared my room to his, it started finding shortcomings and problems with my room. I grew familiar with his surrounding, and after spending about 7 hours in his room, my mind started accepting his room as my own. Suddenly, my mind fronded at the fact that I HAD to return to my room again. My mind started finding comfort in someone else’s surrounding, somehow it found comfort in the idea of escaping the reality I faced. I was happy to tell him that I could exchange his room for mine, if it was fine for him. Moreover, I knew that he too liked my room, and would be more than happy to exchange. But now my mind shrieked, “BEING EMPATHETIC IS FINE, BUT ESCAPING REALITY ISN’T”.

After about 1 week after my exam got over, I went home. This time I went home after about 2.5 months. I was excited at the same time really happy to taste home food after a long time. After coming back, I cycled, played my piano, and watched a couple of movies. The night before my flight back to Delhi, I couldn’t sleep, I was restless. I couldn’t believe my senses that I had to go back, and the whole week had gone in a blink. My mind comforted in the idea of staying at home, it found happiness in escaping reality than facing it.

Coming back to the university was difficult, I was feeling homesick and tired. As the week started, I again began the routine of cycling to classes, and back. My university cycle was not as awesome as my home cycle. There was a periodic sound coming from around the pedals of the cycle. The air pressure in my tyres was low. Out of the blue, I thought my home cycle. It never had any problems, it rode smoothly. But this cycle well it was officious. I had an epiphany, I faced a similar situation during exams. I was NOT accepting reality, I was trying to escape it. I was balancing pros and cons, and making comparisons.

Somehow the world that I know of lacks empathy. The people of this world are increasingly narcissistic, and are completely imperturbable to another person’s lifestyle. But there is an irony here. We are ready to trade and exchange for a better life, we are ready to escape a harsh reality for a reality which is much more comfortable and better. We are ready to wear somebody else’s shoes if they are grander, shinier and comfortable than our own. The concept of empathy and escaping reality are facets of the same coin. We are not emphatic, but we are ready to accept a better reality than our own. This particular aspect makes our life difficult, we are not comfortable in our own skin. Due to this, we don’t experience and feel things the way we should. Only when we accept the things that we face, only then can we really enjoy the life that we have.

Hey! It has being a long time, since we met each other. There are a number of things to be discussed during each other’s time of absence. Despite the time we spent together, having a good time, and understanding each other, I’m sure we would have done this one particular thing – judging. Yes, judging, it is an activity done by each and every human being on our planet Earth, judging a person by his actions, emotions to a particular set of circumstances. You will see that I have used “particular set of circumstances”, because you can’t expect each and every situation to happen in a short time frame, during which you have known me. By that particular set of circumstances, you would have definitely formed an opinion about me, you might have associated certain words with me, but in this letter I’m not here to see and understand what you think about me, I’m here to assert the fact that I will be what I will be.

You might have met me, during hard times or angry times or happy times, and I’m sure you will have an opinion about me, words associated with my personality. But, you would have never undertaken an important activity- showing empathy- which is all about walking in somebody else’s shoes. You might have told me what is wrong about my ways and personality, and you even went above the fence about suggesting some solutions to this problem of “personality”. Despite doing this activity which is full of negativity, I would forgive you because you are a human being who judges a book by its cover mostly, considers yourself as an ideal human being, and also are a bit of hypocrite about being non-judgmental. I will forgive you, i will forgive you and be greater and better man, because the problem lies in you. But there is still time to change this bad lifestyle, only when you accept that seeing a cover of a book is just not enough, it doesn’t really tell you what’s inside. Well a note to my under-confident friend, don’t be afraid, and don’t be under-confident about your ways and about who you are, because you are perfect in your own ways. I think you shouldn’t ask anyone this question, “Is there something wrong with me?”, because this answer would always be yes, yes because you are unique, yes because there will be always some shortcomings, yes because there is no such thing as an ideal human being. But I’m sure, there is one thing – relativity regarding personality – people might be more like you, or less like you, it doesn’t make you a lesser human being, it makes you who you are. The ultimate goal in our life should be to be better versions of ourselves and not somebody else’s self.