Conjugal Visits: 3 Very Weird Dates

The other day, my husband dropped the following: “So, how long do you think it will be until we have to start doing *really* weird things in the sack just to keep our love life interesting?”

Me: “What kind of weird things?”

(I regretted the question almost immediately.)

Ben: “Off the top of my head? Something along the lines of peeing on each other while using anal beads and butt plugs in… I don’t know, the back of an art museum. Something like that.”

Me: “Huh?”

Ben: “I’m not saying exactly that. But, you know, something along those lines.”

Me: “What’s like peeing on each other while using anal beads and simultaneously offending patrons of a public museum?”

And, that’s basically how that conversation went. It got me to thinking that, yes, when you’re in a monogamous LTR, you need to keep things interesting. But you don’t have to embrace public reciprocal urination and anal fetishes to do that, people. (Unless you want to. No judgment here.)

Dating outside the box is a less messy way to spice things up when the LTR doldrums set in (and, trust me, they’ll set in from time to time). If I were writing this column from, say, my hometown in the Midwest, I’d probably suggest going to a climbing gym or canoeing or seeing an outdoor movie. But, this is Colorado. You people are probably already doing all those things on your typical date nights.

Don’t worry. I’ve dug deeper to bring you some very weird local date ideas that you have to try this very instant or you’ll turn into a pink emu with wings. (303 Magazine, by the way, is NOT willing to corroborate that last statement.)

Throwing pots on a rickety old wheel in a sheer white t-shirt is kind of sexy, but its so Ghost circa 1990. Mix it up with glass blowing at Agnes of Glass, Denver’s very own hands-on glassblowing studio. There are tons of beginner-friendly classes and workshops (most about half a day long). You and your partner will make some cool stuff while trying something you’ve probably never tried before. Variety is the spice of life, people. Check the website for details on workshops – and, hurry up, because there’s a 55% off promotion happening right now. (Sheer white shirt not recommended for this experience. Save it for the naturalist resort listed next, friends.)

Get naked at the Mountain Air Ranch Naturalist Resort. Mountain Air Ranch has lodges and RV spots and is conveniently located in Indian Hills, Colorado, just 20 miles south of Denver. Throwing yourself and your partner into an unfamiliar situation is a phenomenal way to strengthen your bond. And, unless you’re already a practicing naturalist (or, nudist, as I like to say), you probably aren’t used to walking around in public without your clothes. Oh, you’ll feel weird and uncomfortable and see a lot of “bad naked”, but you’ll probably feel closer to your partner because of it.

This last one is right up my alley. Grab your partner and get the complete crap scared out of you at one of Paulette and Dennis Huff’s Capital Hill Ghost Tours. The duo, seasoned paranormal investigators, leads locals through Capital Hill’s haunted mansions 365 days a year. Reservations are required, so contact the ghost hunters directly at 877-880-6232 to set up a tour. You’ll snuggle tighter after your tour as you lay awake wondering whether your partner accidentally got possessed (which is a risk you’ll just have to take). Now, go. Date outside the box.