TamTams

The last few days at work were great. I was doing a good job, taking care of everything that needed to be taken care of. Then I made a minor mistake that my supervisor pointed out and helped me fix.

I've been thinking about it ever since. I can't stop thinking about it. I do this every time someone says something even mildly critical. My mind runs it over and over. The actual mistake, the criticism, and all the ways I could have avoided making that mistake.

Then I assume that the person who criticized me now hates me forever and doesn't want to associate with me but does only because they have to. I assume they think I'm a complete idiot.

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I don't just let mistakes go. I can remember mistakes I made years ago and the exact words people used to tell me that it was a mistake. I never just let stuff like that go. And then those thoughts crop up again at random. I keep coming back to them over and over.

It's likely my depression talking. It's almost certainly my depression talking. Yesterday I was miserable for the rest of the day because of one little comment that wasn't actually a major thing.

This morning I woke up and was still thinking about it. Most people don't dwell on things like this right? Most people just absorb the advice and then move on?

I guess I'll figure out a way to manage this eventually. I really should just go see a therapist and talk this out. Just writing about it and getting the feelings down is helping.