The Monorail SongLyle Lanley: Y'know, a town with money is like a mule with a spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it!(audience laughs)Homer: Heh heh! Mule.Lyle Lanley: The name's Lanley. Lyle Lanley. And I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest... Aw, it's not for you. It's more of a Shelbyville idea.Mayor Quimby: Now wait just a minute! We're twice as smart as the people of Shelbyville! Just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it!Lyle Lanley: All right, I tell you what I'll do. I'll show you my idea! I give you the Springfield Monorail! (audience gasps) I've sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrooke, and by gum, it put them on the map!Well, sir, there's nothing on earthLike a genuine,Bona fide,Electrified,Six-carMonorail! ...What'd I say?Ned Flanders: Monorail!Lyle Lanley: What's it called?Patty & Selma: Monorail!Lyle Lanley: That's right! Monorail!(crowd chants "Monorail" softly and rhythmically)Miss Hoover: I hear those things are awfully loud.Lyle Lanley: It glides as softly as a cloud.Apu: Is there a chance the track could bend?Lyle Lanley: Not on your life, my Hindu friend.Barney: What about us brain-dead slobs?Lyle Lanley: You'll all be given cushy jobs.Grampa: Were you sent here by the devil?Lyle Lanley: No, good sir, I'm on the level.Chief Wiggum: The ring came off my pudding can.Lyle Lanley: Take my pen knife, my good man.I swear it's Springfield's only choice...Throw up your hands and raise your voice!All: Monorail!Lyle Lanley: What's it called?All: Monorail!Lyle Lanley: Once again...All: Monorail!Marge: But Main Street's still all cracked and broken!Bart: Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken.All: Monorail!Monorail!Monorail!Monorail!Homer: Mono... D'oh!