Scent: Nostalgia has well
and truly kicked in, so she'll wear the one she wore on her wedding
day in the Seventies. L'Air du Temps eau de
parfum, from £37 for 30ml, byNina Ricci.

The bridesmaid

Eye: Regardless of her eye
colour, she will have been instructed to wear the same eyeshadow as
all the other bridesmaids. They must match, and must be in keeping
with the lilac hydrangeas. Perfect Mono Cream Eye Colour
in Amore, £25, by Dolce & Gabbana.

Lip: She doesn't want to be
reapplying her lipstick throughout the day. Plus she's more than
likely going to snog an usher, so it's best it doesn't smudge.
Rouge Pur Couture Vernis à Lèvres Glossy Stain in Pink
Radiance,£26, by YSL.

Scent: Few eyes will be on
her as she walks down the aisle, but the trail of vanilla and
jasmine that she leaves in her wake means that the bride won't be
the only attraction. Olympea eau de parfum, from £40 for 30ml,
by Paco Rabanne.

The guest doing a reading

Eye: Industrial amounts of
concealer. She was up until 3am last night, practising her reading
on her deeply uninterested boyfriend. Instant Concealer,
£21.50, by Clarins.

Lip: Everyone is going to be
watching her mouth, praying that she won't fumble her words - so it
needs to be bright and perky. Lip Colour in Flamingo, £38, by
Tom Ford.

Scent: An aura of calm is
needed to prevent her from hyperventilating at the lectern. She's
just hoping that the lavender won't send her to sleep. Eau de
Lavande, £65 for 100ml, by Diptyque.

The groom's ex-girlfriend

Eye: She doesn't care that
it's a summer wedding, in a beautiful meadow, and that the dress
code is 'country garden party'. She will wear a thick slick of
jet-black liquid eyeliner. Eyeliner Stylo in Carpates, £20.50,
by NARS.

Lip: When she kisses the
groom on the cheek in the receiving line, she'll want to leave a
message. A deep-red-and-kiss-shaped message.
Burberry Kisses in Union Red, £25, by Burberry.

Scent: There is no fragrance
out there more memorable and more
don't-you-remember-how-good-I-was-in-bed than Dior Poison. And
that's why she wears it. Hypnotic Poison eau de parfum, £70 for
50ml, by Dior.

The drunk friend from university who will
undoubtedly embarrass herself at some point during the
reception

Eye: Last night's eyeliner
is still going strong. See? It pays not to take your make-up off
after the pub. Crayon Khol in Noir, £17, by Lancôme.

Lip: Nothing. Lipstick will
inevitably end up on her chin, and her hair always gets stuck to
lipgloss. Lipbalm is more reliable. 3 Honeys Balm, £10, by Melvita.

Scent: She hasn't bought a
new fragrance since her mother bought her this one for Christmas in
2004. Angel eau de toilette, £46 for 25ml, by Thierry Mugler.