Allright kids, listen up. Uncle Grimwell's
going to go over this one more time. He's even going to update this damn thing
so it's reflective of the times here on Darktide. Grab a chair and start
reading. Don't just read though, get that doughnut between yer ears working
and think about what I say and why I might say it. I'm going to be a little
short on this one, Uncle Jack has taken a walk and I haven't bothered to find
him yet.

More and more people are coming to Darktide these days. We've
had an invasion from Leafcull, and absorbed those that could adjust. We have
recently been threatened by a Frostfell invasion, but the most of what I have
seen is a few posts looking to buy accounts instead of earning levels. Those
guys will make great Bloods.

Thing is, most of the people giving
Darktide a chance are STILL doing it wrong, and wondering why they find
themselves kissing the Lifestone so damn much. Well here it is, your new and
improved comprehensive guide to why Darktide is a great server and yer only
getting your card punched because ye ask for it.

Friends

You
damn well better have some. There are some people out there like myself that
can play solo and get by ok. We are a rare breed and really should die out. I
don't play well with other people, especially in PVP. I tend to nail my buddy
instead of the enemy because I don't get much practice working with others. So
the first thing you need is friends. Talk to your monarchy on whatever server
you play on ( you HAVE learned the game as a Care Bear right?? Good.) Find a
few people who want to give DT a try with ya. Come in all at the same time at
the same place and have a plan.

I think the smallest unit to smart with
that is viable and effective is a quartet. Pick one guy to be the "leader" and
build a mini monarchy. Have the "monarch" make a trade mule character.
Cooking, Fletching, and Alchemy. All traiend. Plus Creature magic for self
buffing. Then train Leadership followed by whatever you wish with the
remaining points. This character should NEVER be thought of as an "active"
character. Therefore it doesn't have to follow the "survival" rules of the
server. You are then going to swear everyone else to this character and funnel
it exp for the rest of time as you know it. In this way, after you get the
levels and start doing the crafting quests, you don't have to pay Sagacious
for all his wonderful skills. Crank your monarch up and then have him do
it.

Templates

Ok, so you have a monarch built, log it off
somewhere and forget about it for the next 20 levels. The most important thing
for your "real" characters is that they have a focus. Wake up kids, this is
REALLY important. The decisions you make at character creation are the MOST
IMPORTANT ONES YOU EVER MAKE. You screw it up now and you'll be rerolling
later. Trust me. I've rerolled more than once. "How do I get a good template
Uncle Grimwell?" Good question kid! Yer thinking aren't ya? Well, start out by
deciding what you want to be. Mage, Melee, or Archer. Then look at what makes
a good mage/melee/archer. Focus in on that. Note that common theory on
Darktide is that ALL characters need Life Magic, so concider that when you
make the character template.

Got a base template idea? Good! Now share
it with your buddies. Review each others' work and make suggestions. Remember
you are a TEAM. You will rely upon each other in the future, so work hard
right now to open your mind to what the other guy thinks about your template.
Ok, everyone has looked over each others templates and suggested some changes.
Now make a few. There. Now you have a revised template. It should be better if
you have friends who know what they are doing. Yer not done yet though! Ohhh
no, now it's time to face the masses.

Take that template and post it on
a message board or two. Be ready for some extra smart and personal jerk to
tell you that you are a dumbass or are just "gay" for trying. Look beyond it.
Read EVERY reply that you get. Then think about the good ones, there will be
one or two. Read them a few times and try to see what the different
suggestions being made are focused on. Also compare other templates being
posted and the responses they get. Then take it back to yours and make some
changes.

All done? Good! Now it's almost time to make your characters!
The four of you will soon be wreaking havoc on drudges everywhere! I can hear
their cat like wails now! Muhahahahaha. Ok, yer still going to be a gimp, even
with a good template. Because you are going to be level 1. So get AC Explorer
(Uncle Grimwell swears by this one) and start doing some virtual scouting.
Find a place that has a good lifestone and either a nearby portal to a town,
or an out of the way merchant. Find the nearest starter town. Talk it over
with your buds and agree on the "one" leveling spot and then plan how you get
there.

THEN you can go make your character. You've got a template that
should be functionable in the long term if you listened to others; you've got
a good starting spot; and a place to sell. Get on that game and make your
character baby! Don't forget to swear to that monarch character, or you'll
look silly trying to level a handicapped monarch so your main can swear to it
later...

Don't stop reading you whelp! Look down, I still got lots to
say and at least one more word is going to be worth it
all.

Leveling

I still find it faster to do this by myself. No
waiting for someone to catch up with me. No recovering their corpses. Downtime
is time not spent leveling. Trust me, if you HATE powerleveling and don't like
getting killed every five minutes, don't come to Darktide. If you don't mind
powerleveling as a necessity, come on over. Cause if you don't powerlevel, yer
going to die every 5 mintues to a PK.

Even though I can powerlevel
faster alone, I would suggest that you stick with the team you are coming in
with and fight as a team. Why? Well you might be able to take on one or two
bigger critters early and get better team based exp. You will level more
evenly and everyone will be able to play together. These are nice things, but
what is MOST IMPORTANT is that you will be able to fight as one team. When the
time comes to PVP this is going to be a major factor. Four people who can work
as a team without effort are going to waste people who can't. That's just how
it is. So a little slowdown on the leveling, and time spent waiting for Ugly
Bob to come back for his corpse will eventually mold your little band into a
strong fighting machine. So train as a team and you'll fight as one. Get Roger
Wilco running and use it. Save your fingers the typing. That will make you
even more effective. Again, trust me on this. Work like this from the start
and when it's time to beat on people, you will do so soundly.

Back to
the Basics.

A few things need to be refreshed. I see a lot of people
breaking fundamental rules all the time and it burns me up.

1. Town is
for shopping, NOT socializing. If you want to talk and make snow angels, find
a hill that is 5 clicks from anywhere and then do it. DO NOT stand in town
wagging your tongue with no buffs. If you do, don't cry to me when someone
comes into town and kills you. You are asking for it and it's your own damn
fault.

2. Metallic armor blows chunks. Melee guys, take note. I see
more and more people running around in metal armor. Yer asking for it. You do
realise that this makes some elemental attacks do MORE damage to you???
Really. Leathers might be ugly, but I'd take a grommie coat on a melee guy
before platemail any day. Save up and get gemstone armor when you are bigger,
but leave that metal armor in the shops. Trust me. You'll be rich just from
selling all that metallic loot you find.

3. Have a plan. When you are
shopping, blow through town, sell all your junk as fast as you can, and buy
what you know you need. Don't spend 30 minutes ID'ing crap at the armorer. Go
in and get all your loot sold, buy spell components, healing potions, and
healing kits. THEN hit the armor guy and check for a specific piece of
merchandise ("I really need elemental sowrds, I need a new breastplate" etc.)
if you don't find it, get out of town. Mages do the same but at least it's all
at one shop.

4. If there are people standing around town gabbing and
pretending it's safe. Be sure to say "hi" when they greet you. Then get out of
town FAST. I call this the "Bait Factor". The higher the volume of unbuffed
people standing in a town chatting, the higher the chance of a PK coming in
looking for some sweet meat. So if town is crowded it's time to get out of
town.

5. The longer you spend in town, the less time you spend
leveling. Leveling is the God here. Sorry but it is the way the game works.
Get your levels and get it over with.

Ok enough basics, you should know
this already, but many seem not to. On to the biggest one eyed monster on this
server.

Politics.

If you and your friends come in as a small
team, start powerleveling like mad and frequent the same town, eventually
someone's going to notice and ask "Who's Bob" about the monarch name you have.
When this happens, be ready. It's a trap. They ask, "who's that monarch" and
you say "He's my friend, we came over from the Safedown server". They will
then say "Cool, you guys are new to the area?" (note that even if you have
more levels than the person asking, you will be the "new one" :p ). You say
"Well yeah, we are leveling and use this town to shop". They will then say "Ok
cool. We have a town council, or website is
www.CoolTownCouncil.messageboardwarrior.com; check it out and get involved, we
always need more good people!"

Now this seems really friendly, but it
is a trap. What happens is you get to know the people in town, and suddenly
you find yourself liking a few of them. Then you start to hate the PK's that
enjoy coming to that specific town and killing everyone. Then you stop
leveling because you are always being called to town to defend it. Soon you
find yourself three months into the game, still a teen level character, and
getting owned daily by higher level PK's.

Towns are fun and all, but
they are a trap that pulls you into the web of politics. Soon it goes from
town politics to world politics. Then you are running all over like a monkey
trying to save the world. Listen up. Screw the world. Get your levels. Get
effective. THEN worry about politics. When you can actually drive off the
average moron PK and can give the big ones a run for
it.

Allegiances

Back in the day, there were very few monarchies
on Darktide. Everyone pretty much knew who was who, and you could get by fast
by ID'ing for a monarch. I'm talking about when there were 400 people average
on the server. These days every Tom, Dick, and Harry thinks they are the one
good monarch to save the world, or ravage it for PK's. Here's a fact: Yer not.
With about 50 monarchies on each side of the fence, and another 30 or so
sitting in the middle, the last thing this server needs is one more great
monarch.

You've done your powerleveling. You and your friends have
Roger Wilco running and are starting to be a force. As a team you have taken
down people well above your average level by working them as a team. People
are starting to notice you big time.

Now is when you join a guild.
What?? Join a guild?? But you are the big man on the block right?? Sure, in
some ways. You are an effective fighting force with well made characters who
work as a team and get more done than you could on your own. Why should YOU
join a different monarchy??

Let me tell you something kids. We don't
need 100 monarchies on each side of the fence. That's not going to make this
server fun. Instead of having nice good vs. evil fights and all kinds of
havoc, we are going to spend all our time getting to know each other and
learning which new monarch of the week is around and wether or not we should
welcome or kill them.

Instead of being another "also ran" take your
solid team and find an existing monarchy that you respect. Ask to join them.
Make them take you all as one. Remember that trade skill monarch you made? He
is the one who swears into their guild and suddenly your team is a part of
their monarchy. Don't let them break you up. They take you and your existing
tree, so you can continue to powerlevel your "trade skill monarch" by feeding
exp into it.

The benefits of joining another guild that already is
established and stands for what you believe in are vast. The first thing is
instant recognition. When I see Owain Goch, I know what kind of person I am
dealing with. Same goes for Shollos. Both are good monarchies to be a part of,
if they let you in. One is good, another evil. Signing on with someone like
that will state clearly to the server where you stand. In addition, if you are
a good team, and do work well, you will be embraced by this new guild (well
the good guys will love you, I don't know if the bad guys like people killing
better than them) and welcomed with open arms. Then, instead of being another
"also ran" monarchy, you can be a valued and respected branch of an existing
one. To me, this would be ideal.

That "Trade Mule Monarch"

By
now, your trade mule monarch should have some levels from all the exp you have
sent his way. In addition to the raw killing reward, the game sends more and
more exp up for the length of your allegiance to a person. The longer you are
sworn to them, the larger cut they get. So by the time you are well into your
20's and the 30's are looking tangible, your trade mule should start to streak
up. Pump those trade skills! Oh yeah baby. Now it's mote time. Now it's Bow
time. Hell it's Miller Time too. You've got a viable merchant who can service
your entire new guild, another reason for them to love you.

Plus, you
can pull a Sagacious and sell your services. That man isn't just smart, he's a
bandit and making out well for it. If I had one wish, it wouldn't be for a
reroll, it'd be for me to have thought of this earlier. I'd have me a clapper
and I'd be rolling in the dough.

Politics

Well now you are
established. You have a guild, you have a good "clapper" for the trade skills,
and your little team is now a respected and organized force. What now?
Politics baby. Fight for what your guild believes in. If you are PK that means
go kill people and laugh. If you are Anti that means go kill PK's and laughs.
If you are just good people perhaps that means making a town/dungeon safe for
newbies. Your time to powerlevel is over. Perhaps you want to take on a few
vassals and help them powerlevel so your numbers can grow. It's all up to you.
You are going to have to deal with the world though, and do some politics.
Unless you are a PK and you can say "screw you all". PK's have that one edge,
they don't have to care. That's why Uncle Grimwell isn't a PK. Too easy, too
damn easy.