Discover what happens after the break-up

The Truth Within

I read this on a site today about Epictetus. If this is true, then I don’t feel like much of a man. Truly inside I feel weak. I feel lonely. I feel like I want to shutter myself away. And even though I keep hearing not to do that, I feel in my instance it maybe the best thing.

WHen I look back on my life all my moments of pain have to do mostly with a woman. I’ve never broke up with anyone. I did not hold on to every girl I dated, but I never initiated a split. The closest I ever came was with Tina in our third year. That lasted a week, and I felt like I needed to be more patient with what I was unhappy about. I felt I was over looking most of the good and looking at just the bad. So we ironed things out. Sometimes, most times actually, I think the same thing happened in reverse, but Tina never forced herself to look and focus on what she had. I think if she had, we would have worked it through like we had with prior disagreements. It’s a theory, can never tell since she declined to tell me the truth of the situation, or what her real issues were.

But the point is perhaps I just get too attached to people. Maybe I cannot or rather do not know how to be myself. I’ve never been a fan of being alone, and on intellectual level I have always felt we are made to be with people. That it is our nature. Now I think I’m wrong, or at least now I feel like I have to learn to not need anyone at all. To take time and just be alone. And not just no dating. I don’t do that now. I mean no hanging with all the females I have, that are probably mental surrogates for a girlfriend of sort. Just get alone, be alone, live alone.

I got this feeling that I need to learn how to deal with pain, and loneliness, and that I’m the only one that can help me with it. Or maybe I’m just fooling myself and its an excuse to not be hurt, to not be close to anyone. I don’t know.

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2 Responses

I am sorta confused by this entry… especially at the end. What are you trying to say about how you still feel about Tina?

That is what gets to me about this whole thing, Joe. You claim to have ‘surrogates’ and now you admit to a history of sorts where you form these attachments in dying relationships that you can’t explain after they end.

When I put up with the crap I was getting from Mookie Dee, it was to find out if I was giving up on things too soon and also to maybe do a form of penance for any ‘draggin’ of other women’s heart that I may have done, as Tina is doing you.

You are correct in that you do kneed to deal with pain. But you aren’t fooling yourself any more than you have been with these feelings you have for Tina. They are bad for you and they are a cancer that is preventing you for finding a partner. Take care bro, and at least it is football season..!

Its not that I cannot explain them. I can explain all my ex’s except Tina. Its just that I never made the first move to break-up in a couple of them before Tina I did not want to break up. NONE of them had their hooks in me the way Tina did. She was it. I…well I’ve explained that part of it a million times, the only ones that believe me about how we were together are the people that saw us together, and dont get it. I obviously missed something that happened in the end, and it was enough to wedge all the things she said she felt about us out of her mind and act like it was never there to begin with. its weird considering I never did anything bad to her, but there it is. I was a pit stop for all intents and purposes. A thought that does not feel good at all.