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Up until this, I thought things were okay in our marriage, though of course we haven’t had much couple time with the demands of four children but this discovery has come as a bolt out of the blue.

It wouldn’t have been as bad if he was just accessing porn, as I know men do this, but the fact that he was talking to other people has really disgusted me.

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Relationship counselling agencies report that a growing number of couples are now seeking help due to infidelity online or to one partner accessing adult websites.

How much of a problem it is, depends on the degree and type of access and what it means in the context of the marriage.

Such intimacy is built on communication and friendship and leads to deep affection and a satisfying sex life.

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I feel a bit betrayed and worry about whether I can trust him.

When I spoke to him again about it, he did apologise and said he won’t do it again but he then came out with a load of stuff about how unhappy he was in the marriage, that we never spend time together (which is true), but I don’t think it is fair for him to blame me.

Real intimacy is created in everyday communication, in the nitty-gritty of sharing a life together and in the hard work of resolving conflicts and accepting the other person as different to you.

Marriage and raising a family can be hard and tiring and frustrating. However, the more we understand ourselves, the better we can communicate, and foster successful relationships with the people we care about.

To continue with this process you may wish to seek marriage counselling ( relationshipsireland.com, accord.ie).