I was out having lots & lots of beer with birdwatcherboy's best friend (I didn't really realize how good friends they were) and said friend was very very open about his past relationships, " I have only been really in love twice", he told me all these embarrassing and intimate stories about himself. I mean, wow, he really had no limits.

Since he was so open about everything, he kind of lured me into being open as well. So all of a sudden he asks me "SO, by the way, I heard you made out with J". And I went, "well yeah, but that was a long time ago". "How long?""Last year." "Yeah, that is a REALLY long time ago *rolls eyes*" "It was in February.." "Yeah, a REALLY long time ago.. like TEN years"

I think last year in February for making out with a person ONCE is a long time ago. But what the hell.

"So, did you guys have sex then, or just make out?""We just made out.""Why? That is so cruel. Or.. couldn't he get it up? You know, I shouldn't really say this, but.. he has this problem sometimes..""God no, it wasn't his fault or anything. IT WASN'T LIKE THAT!""Then WHY?""Why am I even TELLING you this? I have issues I guess. Yeah I have issues.""God, don't ALL people nowadays?""Yeah, perhaps. I guess. Anyway. What did he tell you?""Not much. Well he told me. He tells me stuff like this. He said you were angry with him.""Angry? God no. Why would he say that? I wasn't angry at all. I was really drunk though, and perhaps a bit embarrassed the day after. How close friends are you anyway?""We're REALLY good friends. Really good.""Ok... So everything I say will pretty much reach him in the end.""Oh no. No no. I'm not telling anything."

Right. :-P

Then he asked me "So, are you interested in birds, or are you interested in J?""I am VERY interested in birds. But I really like J. I do. I don't think he gets it, though.""I'm sure he doesn't. I'm sure you're right about that. But you like birds? I mean, really? Yeah, that's probably the right way to go.""Um, ok. Well, anyway, I like him. I'd really like to see him more often.""So have you met when you've been out birding?""No no. Nothing like that. I've just asked him stuff. About birds.""Ok. Well, he has this personal ad out now anyway..""So I've heard.""..but I don't think it's going very well.""Ok..."

And so on and so forth. It was horrible weather, 3 am, WET horrible snow and windy,and ironically enough, we were standing in almost the exact same spot where I was kissing BWB that night. Of course I didn't tell his friend. But I think BWB's Close Friend was actually making an effort for me in a way, standing there in the snow and wind talking about his friend. He told me he's reading my blog regularly, and when he left,he kissed me hard on the cheek. It was sweet. But now I feel like a fucking dork about the whole thing, because he will obviously tell BWB aaaaaaall about it. I mean, I WOULD, if it was my best friend it was about, as soon as I was sober and awake I'd call her rightaway and just spill.

I feel like I'm 15. I'm not sure if it's in a good way. I feel stupid.

thanks coela, britney spears song or not, it's exactly what i needed to hear. (sorry for the angsty teen moment)

but, things are actually going pretty well dating wise. i'm going to a concert next thursday w/ a guy i've known for awhile (it's like a date tho ) and the internet thing seems to be going really well. so, i guess we'll see.

Snow white, I don't know your mum, and I don't know your former boyfriends,but haven't we all been there? My first serious boyfriend's mum wouldn't allowme in her house b/c I was an Anarchist, but after a while she realized that I was actually a good person, and we got along just fine. Your mum will probably come around too. You date whoever you want to date, of course your mum can'tmake that desicion for you. Doesn't really matter that you'll probably make somemistakes along the way, that's life. Sorry if I begin to sound like a Britney Spears song.

I've always told my parents (since I was 16 at least) that I'll do what I want no matterwhat they say, so they might as well stop nagging me about it, they're only wasting their time. But they'll always worry, it's their nature. They want the best for you. When you're 21 it's your potential boyfriends, when you're 25 it's your career, then it will be "will you ever have kids?" or "what about your pension/social benefits" or your house. Or if you get a pet they'll worry if you really can take care of it. And if you have kids they'll worry about them as well. It never ends. Take it from me, I'm 31.. I love my mum, but she'llnever get off her high "I am YOUR MOTHER!" (AKA "I'm all-knowing!") horse.

You could try and talk to her about it, but that's no guarantee that she'll understand. I think it's an eternal problem between parents and their children really.

PS: My boyfriends have usually been accepted after helping around the house for a while,and if they can make a reasonable amount of smalltalk at dinner. Piercings & tattooswere no issues after said BFs proved they could paint the rain gutter. Just my 2 cents. ;-)

my mom and i got in a fight this morning b/c she wants me to date guys who i think are totally dorky, predictable and average. she likes them b/c they have "good jobs" or whatever.

i like guys who are exciting and rebellous and someone who i don't feel like such an outsider around, but usually, these guys don't have "good jobs". i mean, she likes dorks...i'm serious, the last guy she dated was a total DORK and yet she stayed w/ him b/c he was an executive. i personally think she cares too much about what job a guy has.

we actually fight about this shit. well, it's more her critisizing me and me getting pissy.

and then she bitched at me b/c i don't even date enough to really meet anyone, which is true...but still...

i know where she's coming from with the whole good job thing, but i'm 21 years old. i'm going to nursing school and when i graduate she's hoping i'll go to work and meet a doctor. does this totally nauseate anyone else? i'm just so frustrated about that!!!! whenever i do bring a guy home my family looks at me like i'm missing all my brain cells instead of just being glad i'm actually happy for once.

this feels so highschool, but it's really bothering me. is there a right or wrong here i'm not aware of?

she wants me to find a guy who will "take care of me", she of course means financially, someone who "has a big social life and bring me to new york city" yes, she actually said that... christ i just want someone who i can talk to and is attractive. i know my "type" isn't perfect but that's what i like about them in the first place.

i feel like i'm being an idiot. i want my mom to like my boyfriends...

snow white, yeah, i hear you about the online dating thing. i did it once before. i keep going back and forth if i should do it. do i have the time? of course, it would be great to meet people. don't know. so, you are not alone in that sentiment. i'm leaning closer to doing it though.

Too much info about the ex is seldom welcome. I'm in a phase when everything my ex says or does annoys me.

I contained myself from mailing birdwatcherboy in the middle of the night to tell him the news about birdwatcher's magazine. Today I'm very happy about that. I just have to fucking quit looking at his profile,and then I'll be fine. And you're totally right about photos looking better than reality for some.. that includes me. Stupid, stupid, vain.

I guess I just really long for someone to say I'm pretty. Shallow maybe and clichéd, but I just want to hear it. Not "God, I love your brooches, where did you get them?!" or "You have such a nice little outfit on tonight!"(examples from tonight by friends.. nice, but I was still sulking a little inside. One of those nights.)Just very plain and simple "You're pretty". I wish I didn't need it, but I do.

That's one thing about the ex. Besides not being the one for me (sadly), he gave GREAT, effortless compliments. But I'm not even going there now, nope.

aaw coela. those online things are the worst. It's so hard not to look at them when you're hung up on somebody, but they never make you feel any better. Plus people always but the best possible pictures of themselves online. I have friends whose pictures look amaizing... but they don't look like my friends... i don't know how people manage to look better on camera than the do in real life (it never works that way for me), but there are alot of people out there with pictures like that.

In any case, I really hope you felt better today...

I had a "bad day" today myself. Too much information about the ex is really getting to me. Not new information, just really getting to me today. Bad. I think I'd be fine if I had people to spend time around, but it's just not working out today... maybe it's time for a second round of phone calls.

I've been emailing a couple of people from a personals site. It sounds like we're all looking for love, but expecing (and totally fine with) the ads resulting in friendships.

*sigh* So things aren't going so well with birdwatcherboy. I decided to test him a little, and send him a message with no questions, just a mail. No answer (for a week, and counting). And I never meet him out in the countryside or by the sea. So birdwatching hasn't given me any love.. although it actually got me a job (oh great, just what I need, more time in front of a Word document!)Someone at a birdwatcher's magazine had been reading my blog for a while and asked me if I wanted to write columns for them. Which is great, of course, but although I'm a good writer I kind of suck at birdwatching.And also at picking up birdwatchers.. at least this one.

I also stalked his personal ad a little, and noticed he upgraded to deluxe. Maybe the dating isn't going so well, then.But the women who visited his profile were OMG HOTT writers, journalists, all kinds of hot bookish girls. "Visited his profile" isn't the same as "dated him", though, but it just made me a little glum.

I also saw Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind again and got a little weepy. : (

i also met my bf online. match.com to be exact. of course weirdos abound, but that's also true in real life! or is that just me?

plan a short date, you know drinks or coffee, so that if you instantly know he's too weird you can be outta there quickly. if you're into him you can extend the date or meet up again.

my girlfriends and i did speed dating a couple of times too. a little formal and definitely dorky, but if you're all about the first impression then maybe you should try it. and as long as you go with a friend or two, it's a funny story at least, especially when comparing notes.

and don't worry so much about being friends later. neither of you are probably going online with your first goal of meeting friends!

snow white, I'm cool with meeting people online simply because I don't seem to meet guys in real life. It kind of sucks (the not meeting guys regularly part). But anyway, so far I've only met one guy and he was actually really cute but it only went for two dates. It's kind of interesting, there are always some weirdos but there are a lot of decent people too.

i put up a profile on yahoo and started talking to a guy through myspace. he seems really cool and i definatly want to meet in real life, but... (here's comes all the buts)

for one thing, what if he's weird? i mean, i don't know how he carries himself or how he smells, you know? (granted, he looks like he smells good, of course, but you never know)

another thing is i've been single for so long now i'm alittle freaked that i forgot how to date!!!

and really i'm just worried about meeting someone who i'm not into and then feeling like i'm trapped in an awkward situation. i know i have the option of telling a person to fuck off but i know i already get along w/ this guy, i just don't know how well. so what if he really likes me but i'm not that into him? i've been in that situation before and i always really screw it up, to the point where we can't even be friends again just b/c i'm afraid of someone thinking there's something going on that i don't intend.

i don't know, i guess i'm just alittle aprehensive about. i'm afraid it won't live up to my expectations.

anna k... even though you're not into him, hope the run in with that guy did something to make you feel more attractive. (i know i usually feel better about myself when guys hit on me...e ven squirrley guys)

Today I got into a conversation on the street with a guy who thought I looked like someone he knew in Bayside, Queens. We talked for several minutes while I walked to the library, but I didn't find him interesting enough to continue talking to. He was squirrelly-looking and I felt like I was a lot younger than him. When I said that I was going to the library, he went, "Oh, me too!" He asked for my number, but I politely turned him down. It was a nice chat (he was putting together a book about cars and told me the first car was created in the 1760s), but I just wasn't attracted to him and didn't want to waste his or my time. Too bad, as I do want to date, but haven't felt sexy or attractive enough to want to get physical with anybody.

mumble, i've been told the same thing from guys, but i'm trying to remind myself that it's a good shitty guy detector if someone who is intimidated by me. plus, an insecure guy is not really a turn on for me. yuck.

as for post college dating, meetups....i agree with finding things that interest you and you are passionate about. book clubs, or whatever interest you. i'm not big on online dating...i mean i did it before and it works for some people....if you like it, then i encourage to do it.

and for the friend who told you to stay friends with the ex. well, i would tell him to piss off. but that's me.

hmm... haven't tried a "group thing" lately. This summer I volunteered with a group that usually makes people work in pairs. Guess they ran out of people b/c they made me work alone...

but that aside, I should start looking into finding SOMETHING to join. I'd be really nice to be around people I have something in common with.

I was talking to an old friend last night & he said that I'm really independent, out-spoken & have my shit together & it's really intimidating. I know this. I like this. I feel like it keeps away idiots an guys who just wanna get laid. i respect strong inedpendent people. period. and can't be another way... but despite all that i AM pretty open minded. I think I've gone out with every guy who's ever asked me out (with the exception of 2 REALLY nice guys with really out of control substance issues).

i guess the point is, despite the tough exterior, I am really accepting of people & happy for a chance to get to know anyone better.

oh... ha! i mentioned to "old friend" that i don't think i can talk to ex-bf anymore. "old friend" said that i should keep talking to my ex b/c HE'S never going to do any better than me. HA! what the hell? male camaradrie? i'm not really feeling like it's worth to trouble to keep idiot-ex in my life. it'd be really nice if he felt like an idiot for dumping me, but NO WAY IN HELL am leaving the door open for him to be in a relationship with me ever again. No way I'm going to sit around & wait for him to feel stupid he left me & then come back.

Ah, the aquaintence thing... and the new interests thing.. Lately I've taken up birdwatching - seemed like a delightfully nerdy activity since I alreadylove to roam around in the countryside, especielly by the sea. If it's such a great way tomeet people, I'm not sure. Birdwatchers are friendly folks, but rather private and not chatty. They are also often in their 50s, at least where I live. However, I've made some contact with two birders who are younger and live in my area, but it's still only on an Internet basis.I've never met them "in field", so to speak - Nature is well, big, and people tend to get lost in it!

The first guy I've never met at all, but he seems very nice, a bit older than me though (7 years).We read each others' blogs and we're both into indie music, which we write about a great deal.The second guy, also an indie nerd, is a friend of a friend, and I've actually made out with him at my place for an entire night, but that was last year, and we haven't really mentioned it afterwards (I was very drunk myself). I still don't know how he feels about it. Maybe it's just water under the bridge. We bump into each other here and there, and do the "hiii how are you*hug*", but that's it, until I mailed him the other day and asked if he would mind being a bit of a bird coach for me, and also mentioned that I think he seems like a really good person, even if I don't know him all that well.

I was quite nervous when he didn't answer until 24 hrs later, but then the answer came it was niceand friendly, although impossible to read if he'd be interested in hanging out with me for a bit, or if hewas just being polite. "I absolutely don't mind! Good people who on top of that are interested in birdwatching don't exactly grow on trees" was the exact phrase, and it seemed friendly enough I think. Pity he doesn't have a car,because then I'd have an alibi for tagging along. Plus, of course, I'd enjoy the outing & birds!

The thing is, I accidentally found out that he has a personal ad on a dating site, and asked our mutual friendabout it. She said she knew he had one out, but didn't seem to know how things are going for him there.Maybe he's already dating someone (or two), I don't know. To place an ad myself and write him wouldn't feel right,it would be too stalkeresque.

Eventually I guess I just have to ask to meet him, but as it is right now, I'm stuck in e-mail waiting. I wrote him - he answered - I wrote him again, and still waiting for an answer (and trying not to put so much into it). He's cute and possibly my new birding buddy, as far as I'm concerned that should be enough for now. But it doesn't come easy for me to be calm about little projects like these! I overanalyze and obsess pretty easily.