Sunday, September 16, 2007

Girly Men Need Not Apply

I watched Dr. Phil’s show about 2weeks ago. It had been a while since I caught a Dr. Phil show but the topic piqued my curiosity. It was called “Girly Men.” See for a while I thought I was the only one that thought men these days seemed to be quite girly. I mean this was a bit too much. The roles were completely reversed. In one case, the guy called A.J. said, "I am a prima donna. I’m selfish. I’m vain. I tend to put myself in a woman’s shoes." He and his wife often argued for time in front of the mirror to put on makeup and do hair!Say what? I thought it was bad until the second couple came on. This time the woman, Joleen, did all things considered manly. She came back from work, got a beer from the fridge and straight chilled in front of the television--I hate that! During the week and weekends, she hauled stones, did yard work, mowed the lawn, cut trees and more. She was responsible for taking the trash out and definitely putting Christmas tree lights up during the holidays. Her husband cooked and cleaned. Now let me make this clear. I honestly don’t see an issue with a man cooking and cleaning. Cooking and cleaning does not make a man girly. It is a GREAT thing. The issue was that no matter how much she tried to get him to do the chores she did while she shared in some of the cooking and cleaning, he refused!

He was so against it and frankly I wondered if he had the physical strength to do it. He watched his weight, shopped so much and took up all the space in the wardrobe for his clothes and shoes, got facials, manicures, pedicures and seemed like he would have a fit if he broke a nail--total high maintenance! Dr. Phil made it clear that these men insist they are as straight as they come and I honestly believed them. But, I could not help but feel like I was watching neutered men. Both wives of these men said they liked their ‘feminine husbands’ but wanted to still claim some traditional roles as women in the house. A wishful thinking given the set of facts.

Dr. Phil’s show was interesting to me because I have been engaging in an ongoing dialogue with some friends on what I believed and still believe is the death of the real MAN. Why do men today appear quite CONFUSED about their masculinity? Why is there such feminization of men? Just because women say they would like men to communicate, be sensitive, open and give more attention doesn't mean women want girly men! Men, stand up, step to the plate and be MEN! Stop expecting women to take over the responsibilities that you can and should do.

I am unsure how much the fashion industry plays a role in this aspect. Afterall, we now have cute men’s underwear with lace/pretty prints. It is what a lot call 'feminine lingerie for men.' We have body and skin care for men, spa treatments and so forth and so on. Can a man be particular about his looks, love fashion, wear nice lingerie and still be a tough guy? I’ll let you answer that. Maybe we women are not being educated or open? Afterall, I do want a well groomed and clean man. Wearing a target $5.00 boxer all in the name of not wanting to be a girly man is like errrrrr, NEXT! I’m big on NOT taking over the bathroom with your beauty regimens and neglecting your manly duties like those enunciated above.

I get asked on dates a lot and so it bugs me when in that mix, a girly man approaches me. I was discussing this issue with some of my friends and later with a man I consider a man's man and also a mentor. He mentioned that men were being raised by women and as a result you have lots of girly men in today's society. I told him I believed that could be a contributing factor. Nevertheless, as I told my friend/mentor, I believe technology is also a major contributing factor. Growing up, I saw men work on their cars, mow the lawn, fix or assemble furniture or replace tires. These days, car manufacturers prevent anyone from tampering with the engine of their cars with design features that prevent access to the engine. You just have to take that baby to the mechanic/car dealership. But, what about fixing a flat, mowing the lawn, cutting trees, cleaning the gutters? Don’t give me the argument about being a professional man.

What happened before professional men got their degrees? Surely they were doing these manly chores, weren't they? It would seem to me that if most men are indeed being raised by single mothers, that is the more reason why they would do the manly tasks because they would have learned and performed these tasks to help ease the burden on their single mothers??? How many of us know men who can't replace a flat tire to save their lives? God forbid that you are caught in a high crime area with a flat and a girly man. You better pray real hard that AAA gets there on time or better yet get on your knees and start fixing the flat or else the girly man you are stuck with will stare at you till night fall; then it might be too late as you try to duck for cover from flying bullets! God save us all.

I want a man that draws out my natural raw feminine instinct which includes me feeling safe, secure and protected when I am with him. For me, that means he can do the all the manly things that Joleen does. Does that mean I do not know how to protect myself or cannot do the things he does or learn to—that in itself is a necessity because if anything happens to him like God forbid, death/paralysis, I need to pick up where he left off. But, while he is alive, well and able, he ought to get to gettin’! I can’t try to save him, the kids and save myself in the event of an emergency because he forgot how to be a man. O ti o! [Like, no way]. No metrosexual men, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! I love fashion but I cannot be fussy in the mirror with you as you spend excessive time over your beauty. Kilonshele [what’s up]?

If the strongest thing on your body that could protect me is your cute face, then I'm cool son. I'll pass. Regardless of how you put it, I do not seek to date much less marry a girly man, metrosexual, sexual metro or whatever. I miss the days when men were men. Girly men are highly unattractive to me. They do not stimulate me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I anticipate some of the men reading this article to say, “well, we miss the days women were women—like clean house, know how to cook and make meals." I see them adding, “You women cried liberation and all that feminist stuff. You wanted us to be girly, get in touch with our feminine side, be sensitive and blah blah blah. Now, you say we are too girly when we give you that.” Fellas, the best example might be a dog. Just because I tell my dog [don't own] to bark a lot less does not mean I want the dog to lose the essence of being a dog which includes its fighting qualities, especially when someone tries to mess with me. Similarly, just because I want you to communicate more and all those things which should be common sense that it would help our relationship work doesn't mean I want a neutered man!

Women, I strongly believe, want masculine men not girly men, seriously. For a strong woman who ends up with a girly man, there is a tendency like those on Dr. Phil’s show to become resentful that the “he” is such a girl and it affects everything including bedroom performance. Men, you all need to figure out whether you are masculine, feminine or mascu-feminine or whatever. Either way, while you figure it out, you are on notice and pass it on to the rest of your crew that the Ladybrillewoman does not do girly men so all girly men, please fall back and do not apply.

Meanwhile, I thought to leave you seven tips to pass on to your other straight guy friends who are particular about their appearances but do NOT ever want to be confused in any shape or form to be anything less than a MAN. Check it out and have a good laugh while you are at it would you?

We are grateful that you shop. In fact, we want to shop and help spend your money.We know we are worth it. But, DO NOT shop more than we do, neglect us in your shopping spree or get excited when you see a sale sign for clothes or shoes. No bruh, we can't be having that. Keep your cool!

Kicking it with the boyz. If you kick it with the boys way too long, we become suspectful of you and the boyz. Times have changed dude. So, mix things up a bit. You can't be hanging out with Ryan/Sankofa all the time and you better not be taking field trips with all the boyz at the same time the way we women do to the restroom. lol! Be a man and remain independent. Wait till your boi gets back from the restroom before you go.

Do NOT upstage, upgrade or outshine us in accesories. If you are a rap star, then you can bling out on stage not off stage becuase these days, rap stars come 'wit' it on the red carpet and even in their videos. No gossiping [the Ladybrille woman hates gossiping, especially when a man does it, so don't even do it]. No excessive dieting or too much fuss on personal hygiene. Clean up and stay groomed but chill out on the 1-2hrs time in the bathroom. Do trim the nails and also actually a manicure and pedicure does not hurt periodically because getting scratched by you with those long nails hurts and gets in the way of us maintaining our sexy. lol! But, while you get your manicure, DO NOT put nail polish on the nails, even if it is a clear coat!

Also, chill out on plucking the eyebrows unless you are a very hairy man--then please help us see you by taming those wild bush-- we understand. lol! By the way, we hate to break it to you but all that time spent in the bathroom makes no difference, really. It's not like you are adding a hair track/weave or makeup to make you prettier. If you are ugly, you will remain ugly or vice versa. Most women are not as shallow as we might look. If we are with you, probability is that we already know how our babies will look. They will be cute because of us. We are more concerned about your intelligence and how you treat us, among other things.

We appreciate that you love to stay fit but if you do pilates/yoga/pi-yo better than we do, it's over.

Crying-- this is a BIG ONE. We appreciate that you get in touch with your feminine side but even we don't cry all the time. So, unless it is a death of a loved one or some other tragedy, brother please chill on the crying.

Dancing- These days, it is rare to see a sister African/non-African who can't wind her waist or shake 'dem' hips. But, do not under any circumstances attempt to do what we do on the dance floor, even if you are on a dancing squad. Keep it funky but not windy.

Wearing Pink: Occassional wearing of pink is okay. Might raise an eyebrow but if you rock it well, then you do and we on those few occassions might actually think it hot! But, DO NOT become a pink lover with so many pink shirts everywhere. That is way too much pink for a us and definitely for you!