1123_FEA_IDB_L-Maura-02 Maura J. Graber, director of the R.S.V.P. Institute of Etiquette. (photo by Frank Perez for the Daily Bulletin)

Stacy Barber of Claremont is in a bit of a quandary. She hosted a fun Halloween party and now is trying to decide which get-together to plan next – a home Christmas party or one for New Year’s Eve.

“I love to have parties, I really do. I think I would rather host them then go to them, but they can be a lot of work,’’ the mother of two said. “But I simply love the idea of everyone I know and love in one spot, enjoying each other’s company. I love to decorate and I love themes so I get to put those together and have parties. I always seem to have ideas; some work, some don’t, but it’s all about the people who come.”

Barber thinks the saying “home for the holidays” has a distinct meaning. She is a believer in the power of home and hearth and that the combination stirs something within people that can be hard to explain. But no definition really is needed.

“Parties are a way to keep a group of family and friends going, of staying in touch,’’ she said.

For many hosts and hostesses, holiday party planning is in full swing. The days are counting down. Plans have to be set. Provisions bought and made. Details hammered out.

One old-but-new-again idea is to have an open house. Those who opt for open houses are relieved of much of the stress with the process and that’s the whole idea. Formal sit-down dinners are elegant and memorable, but they also can be problematic and exhausting to both plan and carry out.

Open houses provide those who want to party with a more relaxed yet still meaningful way to celebrate.

“Holiday open houses are back and have been quite on trend for the last year or so,’’ said Maura Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette in Ontario. “As a culture, we have been spending more of our time in the last few years ‘visiting’ friends and family online. Much as Facebook or Google would like for us to spend all of our time on their websites, it cannot replace actual face-to-face contact with real friends. Even Skype-ing can’t replace the same feeling one gets, speaking to someone else in person.

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“The holidays are a nostalgic time with a lot of emotion that bubbles up inside people. That’s when people want to see their families most. Blame it on seasonal advertising, tugging at our heartstrings, or the movies they run endlessly on television. People feel a stronger need around the holidays to connect with others and open-house parties fill that need.”

While the entire idea behind an open house is to put everyone at ease, it doesn’t mean carte blanche when it comes to rules.

“As we are spending so much time online, people have finally taken notice of the tremendous lack of manners out there in cyberspace, and they are becoming fed up,” Graber said.

“In the last 12 months, I have seen a surge in people wanting to get some civility back into their lives. These open houses are not so laid-back anymore. They are also a lot more intimate than they have been in years past. People want quality face-to-face time with others.’’

She said she’s been to a few parties where the seating has been arranged ahead of time to form a circle. In the past, these same people had guests sitting on the stairs, in other rooms, drifting in and out of their parties. Not nowadays, according to Graber.

“As a host or hostess, one has to take control of the situation to maximize the benefits. Gathering the guests in a circle is one way to do just that. Putting the iPads and the television remotes out of sight is another wise choice. Limiting the alcohol selection and availability is a great control measure, too,’’ she said.

“Remember, intimacy in the setting is key. Manners are vital. Hosts and hostesses may be keeping in touch via text with you on when you’ll be arriving, how long you’ll be staying, but once you get to the party, put the cellphone away. And if you can’t stay longer than 30 minutes, you may as well not attend.”

Hosts and hostesses are much more concerned now with the quality of time they have with their guests, not the quantity of guests who show up. People who want to have an open-house party are going to a lot of trouble and using their valuable time to host guests. Respect their efforts if you attend. Stay at least 45 minutes to one hour, she said.

Remember what your mom taught you. Manners count. When you’re invited to a party, or occasion, respond one way or the other. With holiday events coming up, get into the spirit of things, she said.

“Dress festively if possible. Arrive on time, or fashionably late, but never early. Put your tech gadgets away. Mingle. Talk with the host and/or hostess and thank them for inviting you. Make an effort to be sociable. Don’t gossip. Use good manners when eating. Don’t overdo it when it comes to the alcohol. Let the host or hostess know if you have accidently spilled anything or broken anything. Be the best possible guest you can be,’’ Graber said.

If you’re hosting the party, ask a trusted friend for help and to keep an eye on things. Keep your guest list in mind. Make sure the people you invited are people who will mesh together well.

“Even if you have to host two separate open houses to fit all of your guests into your holidays, and I know people who do just that, it will be worth it in the long run,’’ she said.

Another key to success is to look back. Ironically, although social media, restaurant catering and everything that goes into planning a party has changed the whole process in the past few decades, some things haven’t.

“Nostalgia is a big trend with baby boomers. Old-fashioned games such as Twister are more popular than I imagined, as is charades. And comfort foods are a big hit.

“Use real cloth napkins instead of paper. The same with real plates, even if they are only the updated, Melmac-type plates. Think 1950s-1970s cocktail parties (minus the real cigarettes) and you’ll be right on trend,’’ Graber said.

Most people understand what an open house is – you’re meant to stop by, enjoy some good food and fellowship and then leave. It’s casual and meant to be that way, but it still requires a little organization.

Pick a date early so you can get on your family’s and friends’ calendars, some of which start filling up fast with all kinds of festive fun. Be specific about the time people are invited and let them know if there will be light snacks or dinner.

Keep it simple since there will be a lot of mixing and mingling. Place food and drinks in a number of areas or consider a buffet. Fight the urge to go over-the-top; go with the idea that less is more.

Creating magic is something Ginger Campbell does for a living. She is the owner of Snap Productions, a party planning company in Los Angeles.

“I think that whenever you do something at your house, it’s going to make you crazy and create stress because you have to prepare the house – clean, get together the meal, etc. However, there are things that you can do to take that stress down a notch,’’ Campbell said.

If you’re doing an open house that isn’t a potluck, order the food from a local restaurant or store and, if budget permits, hire one to two people to act as servers. That way, you get to enjoy your guests as opposed to spending all your time in the kitchen or running around the dining room table trying to refresh food or pour drinks, she said.

“For me, I like certain dishes the way that I make them, so I personally wouldn’t buy everything,’’ Campbell said. “For dishes that I think I make better than the store, such as string beans, macaroni and cheese and sweet potatoes, I will make them and actually enjoy the process. I do this when I am invited to other people’s houses as well, because sometimes there are just certain dishes that you associate with a holiday from family gatherings and not everyone makes them the way that you do.”

If you choose a potluck, then make sure that you take care of the main dishes or you could stress yourself to no end waiting on that neighbor to bring the turkey, she said.

“From a menu point of view, many people like the standard turkey, ham, etc. My daughter just became a vegetarian so I had to get creative with other sorts of dishes. Roasting root vegetables such as yams, parsnips and carrots, and creating new dishes with squashes are among my favorites.

“I would say that everyone should have a few vegetarian options, but if you go with the basics such as potatoes and salad, then that should give your guests enough choices,’’ the planner said.

Don’t forget to put out snacks such as nuts, veggies and dip, cheeses and fruits to keep appetites at bay.

Open houses usually involve lots of finger foods, which means lots of dishes. Using paper goods is an option, but Campbell suggested going the eco-friendly route instead. If you don’t want to wash everything including tablecloths and napkins yourself, consider renting them from a local company. The prices are reasonable and all you have to do is stack them and the company takes care of the rest.

If you haven’t quite gotten around to taking down your fall/harvest decorations yet, don’t. Campbell said even the traditional fall hues such as browns and oranges can look festive now when paired with candles and flowers.

“Certain tablecloths and runners with gold, silver, green or red also can get you through the rest of the year,” she said.

However you plan to celebrate, Campbell said to just make sure you do.

“I love getting together with people so I always cook during the holidays. To me, spending a couple of days lovingly preparing foods that I know people will enjoy makes all the effort worth it. I always ask guests to bring desserts or wine,’’ she said.

And depending on the weather, hosts/hostesses should consider taking the fun outside, according to Vanessa De Vargas, a Los Angeles-based interior decorator and furniture designer. She is the owner of Turquoise and is one of the faces of the Trex Co.’s “Engineered Artistry” campaign.

There’s no reason to keep your holiday open house indoors. A festive outdoor living space can be perfect for entertaining guests. Sprucing up the deck (or patio) not only helps maximize your party space, but it also allows you to show off your backyard oasis and ensure a smashing soiree, she said.

De Vargas said the best outdoor color palette is natural or cream-colored for furniture. Homeowners then can accessorize with colors to fit the occasion. For the days ahead, she suggests buying red, green, silver and gold pillows, blankets, candleholders and glassware.

“Lights are essential to any holiday party,’’ she said. “Enjoy outdoor living long after the sun goes down with lighting that adds both safety and beauty.”

Once you have the right lighting, make sure you have defined entertainment spaces for relaxing, grilling and socializing, she said. Help conversation flow by facing sofas together around a fireplace, fire pit or large coffee table. Accompany large chairs with upholstered ottomans to create an inviting atmosphere. Set up the main buffet table in the most prominent room of the house. “But, because people always follow the food, also set up food and drink stations with portable bars and serving carts on your deck. Keep the outdoor treats simple with cookies, spiced nuts and fruits,’’ she said.

Create a lounge area near the pool or a fountain. The sound of running water or a waterfall is always soothing. Plus, you can put a fountain just about anywhere. Find one that suits your style and spruce it up for the open house with floating silver lilies or potted poinsettias or Christmas cacti.

“Pergolas contribute to the comfort and character of an outdoor retreat, and are also great for designating any of the above deck spaces,” she said. Trex Pergola kits, for example, come in kits with precut components, hardware and a variety of column styles and sizes.

“For holiday decor, wrap lights around the columns or hang ornaments from the trellis,’’ she said.