After getting all of Pope John Paul's luggage loaded into the limo (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the kerb.

"Excuse me, Your Eminence," says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"

"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today."

"I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

"There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Supreme Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.

"Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

"Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license," moans the driver. The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five.

"So bust him," said the Chief. "I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed, "All the more reason!"

"No, I mean really important," said the cop. The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there - the Mayor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief: "Governor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"

Cop: "I think it's God!"

Chief: "What makes you think it's God?"

Cop: "He's got the Pope for a limo driver!"

_________________Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate... leads to suffering.

Ok... those of you who remember Yvond... He would have been ready to crucify me for this one...

"On their way to get married, a young couple are involved in a fatal car accident. They find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St Peter to admit them to Heaven.

While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St Peter shows up, they ask him.

St Peter says, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go and find out."

The couple sit and wait for an answer... for a couple of months. As they wait, they discuss whether IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven, they SHOULD actually go ahead with it, what with the eternal aspect of it all.

"What if it doesn't work?" they wonder. "Are we stuck together FOREVER?"

"Great!" say the couple. "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard on the ground.

"What's wrong?" ask the frightened couple.

"Oh, COME ON!!" St Peter shouts. "It took me three months to find a PRIEST up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"_________________Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate... leads to suffering.

JERIC
Fleet Admiral (Proprietor)

Joined: Feb 12, 2002
Member#: 1
Posts: 4939
Location: Richmond, VA

Posted:
Thu Jun 03, 2004 5:21 am Post subject:

Good one Wolf!

How do you know when it is bedtime at Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch?

Spoiler:

When the big hand touches the little hand.

_________________"Are you not entertained? Are you not entertained? Is this not why you are here?." -Maximus

I am still looking for a good one to reply..._________________Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate... leads to suffering.

j2brown
Commodore

Joined: Feb 22, 2002
Member#: 9
Posts: 3182
Location: Sterling, VA

Posted:
Thu Jun 03, 2004 6:29 am Post subject:

Since Wolf already made fun of priests and lawyers, I'll cover doctors:

Three doctors are in the duck blind and a bird flies overhead. The
general practitioner looks at it and says, "Looks like a duck,
flies like a duck... it's probably a duck," and shoots at it but
misses and the bird flies away. The next bird flies overhead and
the pathologist looks at it, then looks through the pages of a
bird manual, and says, "Hmmmm...green wings, yellow bill, quacking
sound...might be a duck." He raises his gun to shoot it, but the
bird is long gone. A third bird flies over. The surgeon raises his
gun and shoots almost without looking, brings the bird down, and
turns to the pathologist and says, "Go see if that was a duck."

LOL JERIC._________________If you have it you don't need it. If you need it you don't have it. You need it to get it and you certainly need it to get more of it. Which means you don't have it to begin with people just know.

mellowman
Captain

Joined: Sep 02, 2003
Member#: 2939
Posts: 1119
Location: UK

Posted:
Thu Jun 03, 2004 1:14 pm Post subject:

Ok, I'll give this a go...

A man visits a doctor.
"Doctor," he says, "I need your help. I can't find a girlfriend. I've joined clubs, been to discos, even asked out strangers and nothing works. What is wrong with me?"
So the doctor does some tests on the man and finally asks him to go behind the screen and strip. After examining the man the doctor asks him to get dressed again and join him at his desk.
"Yes, I see the problem," the doctor says, "you have Zacchary disease"
"Zacchary disease?" the man replies, "what's Zacchary disease?"
The doctor tells him:
"It means your face is Zacchary the same as you ass"

...ahem...

JERIC
Fleet Admiral (Proprietor)

Joined: Feb 12, 2002
Member#: 1
Posts: 4939
Location: Richmond, VA

Posted:
Thu Jun 03, 2004 1:38 pm Post subject:

budump-bump-tsssh

_________________"Are you not entertained? Are you not entertained? Is this not why you are here?." -Maximus

Two priests are talking to each other, a catholic one and a jewish one.

The Catholic tells the Jewish one: You see, this is how I decide where the collected money goes. I draw a line on the floor and then I trow all the money in the air. All that falls on the left of the line is for God and what falls on the right is for me."

And the Jew replies: "Oh... I do the same, but without the line. All the money that stays in the air is for God and waht falls down is for me."

Lame... very lame..._________________Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate... leads to suffering.