Maximize Communication in the Bedroom

Sex: Get Some

By Evan SIEBUHR

The Intricacies of Sex

We’re days away from Valentine's Day weekend, and many of us might have some reservations about the finer points of the weekend evenings. Even if the feelings of butterflies in your stomach have subsided, there’s still that lingering pressure execute the perfect night in bed. Studies are released on a never-ending loop describing men and women dissatisfied with their partners in bed, which begs the question––how can I avoid being one of those people? Avoid taking the 50 Shades of Grey approach of initiating the conversation––at least most of the time––and make that “talk” a little more fun and light-hearted rather than painfully awkward.

There’s a few essential ways to broach the topic of sex with your partner. Find that comfortable environment where relaying your thoughts won’t result in any tension. Have ideas planned ahead of time for what you’d like to discuss, but refrain from having a regimented schedule guaranteed to leave knots in your stomach all day at work. Most importantly? Open communication. Laying your cards on the table and letting your partner know what feels great or what might need to change will not only lead to more fun in bed, but should also improve your overall relationship.

To say that communication is key would be the understatement of the year. For most, an open line of honest communication has never led us astray. The feelings you have are mutual, so when it’s time to figure out what works in bed, there is no shame in addressing prickly facial hair––or any hair for that matter––as well as where to draw the line with teeth. The beauty of communication is not only the ability to effectively lay out likes and dislikes, but also encouraging opportunities for new interests to flourish.

Finding the perfect environment to have the conversation where everyone feels comfortable is going to help that dialogue come quicker than, well––enough said. The dentist’s office or your son’s school play will usually not bode as well as a romantic dinner and a bottle of Merlot, but could add an interesting dynamic to your next teeth cleaning.

Now the nitty-gritty details of how to get the balls rolling. Since sex can still be an uncomfortable subject, no matter how much experience there is between the two of you, avoid going full tilt boogie. Allow yourself to ease into things by suggesting that you want to add a little jazz to your love life and gauge your partner’s responses to reassess from there. If they’ve had a ballbuster of a day at work, there’s a more appropriate time to ask about leather. But if they’re open to discussing their sexual crucifixions with you, there’s never a better time than the present.

No one should ever have to subject themselves to something that doesn’t feel great, especially during sex. If they might be biting a little too hard or if that hand mark on your backside hasn’t gone away yet, try using words that don’t deal a blow to anyone’s ego. People take sex seriously and no one wants to hear that they’re inflicting pain or operating subpar. Focus on the positives and think of ways you can reciprocate for your partner. Sex is like any other part of a relationship; it’s a two-way street. It’s a way to show your affection for your loved one and relieve stress, not induce it.

Open communication drives successful relationships. The right environment fosters this dialogue and displays a sense of maturity and comfort around your significant other that leads to health and happiness. Picking the right time and place to share these words will leave both of you feeling ready to get back at it in no time. Everyone has their own ideas of what feels good in bed, and there should never be any shroud of doubt about whether or not you can discuss the finer points of sex.