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Spiritual

3 Oct 2017

Dear Husbands, What Happened to Romance After Marriage?

Bailing out of marriage or hunting for a mistress won't make you happier but working on your marriage will likely. Don't forget the vows you made to her many years ago, it still matters. It really does.

File photo

When I met my husband, he was the most romantic guy that ever lived then. Wow! He swept me off my feet. He bought me flowers, gifts and wrote love notes to me. Our courtship was made in heaven but right after marriage, everything changed.

Although he still tries to bring in the magic once in a while, it is no longer the same. Like he would always say to me, Bolatito, this is reality!

I know now what my friend, who got married earlier than I did mean when she said that I should enjoy my courtship while it lasted. She had warned me that many men don’t have time for romance right after marriage. I didn’t believe her. I thought mine was going to be different but it wasn’t. It is the same old story of romance flying out of the door shortly after marriage.

So, I will be directing my questions to all Nigerian husbands, including mine. Please what happened to you guys after marriage? I understand you didn’t stop loving your wives but how come you no longer have time for your wives like you used to?

What happened to the sweet nothings? What about the surprise gifts? Oh! We miss the love notes too! Now, you forget our birthdays. On Valentine’s Day you work extra hours and during festive periods that you should be at home, you run off to be with your friends.

Honestly, I need answers to these questions and I want to know why men feel relaxed right after marriage. I think the next thing in their heads is “Sebi, I don finally catch am.”

Well, that’s right. You finally have your wife but she needs romance for her love to be nourished. Every woman, no matter how old she is, has a 16-year-old-year that lives in her and that girl never grows up. That young girl wants to go on dates; she wants love notes and wants to be pampered. No matter how many children a woman has, she still wants to be treated like a queen.

Dear Nigerian husbands, we get bored too. We need you to spice up the marriage. Marriage isn’t all about house chores, sex or child bearing. It is about two people in love and so for that love to thrive it needs to be watered by romance.

I understand, it is hard to keep the spark in marriage after you have had children. The attention is usually divided. The men claim that the women no longer care for them when the children start arriving and the women on their part feel the men divert their attention to work and other things.

Ha! The transformation from husband and wife to daddy and mummy for many is sudden. Suddenly, you realize the house is no longer filled with romantic music but cries of children. Also, the calm and serene love ambience has now been replaced by dirty diapers, screaming teenagers, school fees, house rent and what have you.

With all these new developments the romance just flies off the window, fiam! However, I strongly believe that we all write the success stories of our own happily-ever-after oursleves. If you want a memorable marriage filled with magic, you will have to make that choice because love is a choice.

Now, today is Sunday and there is no work tomorrow. A public holiday to mark Independence Day, so let us be a little relaxed because every man reading this piece should take his wife out on a date. No excuse please!

Besides, let us take a look at couples that are married with kids and compare with couples who are madly in love. Hello, Nigerian husbands, you should be madly in love with your wife.

There are couples who have been married for donkey years and you will think they just married yesterday. I know a couple like that; they are in their sixties and they are inseparable. Even at that age, they still have that spark in their marriage. Wow! Just remembering them is giving me goose bumps. This couple has four kids and amid all that, they still have a beautiful marriage.

Nigerian husbands, do you want to look back years later and regret that you did not have a quality marriage? Why not make things happen and go back to the days when you shared beautiful moments with your wife.

Although, she is older now, but she is still the same woman you married many years ago. Ignite her passion again. You are the only one with the keys to her heart, so unlock it and let the romance bubble again.

Dear husbands, you don’t need all the money in the world to make this happen. It starts with the little notes. Just drop notes in her shelf, purse or shoes. Remind her you still love her. Stop frowning like a zombie when you come home from work. I understand you may have had a bad day but stop transferring all the aggression from work to the house. Your home should be a place of solace and not where you will carry the heat of work to.

Don’t turn your home into a battle ground, where everyone lives in fear. Daddy, you are not Ultimate Warrior! Be a romantic god instead. Take your wife on date nights without the kids interfering. Let it be a regular thing and you can do that according to your budget. It is not a waste of money.

Spoil your wife and not just your kids. Without your wife, your kids won’t be there. Many women are culprits of this act –they put their children first before their husbands; this shouldn’t be. Of course, I get it that your husbands are grown men and the kids are young but what these kids need is a happy home. So, when you put each other first and everyone will be happy.

Please, this is a special note of warning to every husband out there: don’t let your in-laws meddle in your affairs. Protect your wife as much as you can. When you expose her to your people, the romance will begin to dwindle but when you stand up for her she will love you more.

Sir, how affectionate are you now? Remember all the stolen kisses you had during courtship. The cuddles, holding hands and sexual adventures, bring them back.

But why are Nigerian men shy when it comes to public display of affection? A lot of men would not want to hold the hands of their wives in public. Does this make you less of a man? I really don’t get this at all. Stop that old school habit! Physical touch should be happening regularly! Yea, I understand you don’t want to be showing affection in front of the kids because you think it is wrong. Hell no! I rather feel that you should. Kissing, holding hands, cuddling, dancing and being in love is no crime! You should be a role model of how a solid marriage should be to them. Hey! Daddy make it blaring obvious that you love your wife!

In addition to all this, you should also pay attention to your appearance. This shouldn’t be restricted to women alone, because your wives are not blind; they meet gorgeous men every day. They see men with six packs and well chiseled body. Sir, she didn’t marry you with that beer belly, so go and shed some weight too. Putting extra care into your appearance doesn’t only boost sexual attraction, it also shows that you care about your wife.

Always express your love for your wife. Saying I love you sometimes is not enough. You should tell her more; let your wife know you are glad you married her.

Find out your wife’s love langue (or code) and speak it to her. Remember, I said earlier, women also get bored so it doesn’t have to be women working hard to make a marriage work. Husbands in Nigeria you also need to work hard to have a beautiful marriage.

Bailing out of marriage or hunting for a mistress won’t make you happier but working on your marriage will likely. Don’t forget the vows you made to her many years ago, it still matters. It really does.