Teen fashion—can’t live with it, can’t live without it. At least, that’s how today’s teens seem to feel about the newest fads. While some may be skeptical about getting half a dozen tattoos or piercing in obvious places, others are zooming ahead with these and other innovative teen fashion trends. Teen clothing and other types of teenage fashion, including hairstyles, jewelry, makeup, and accessories, remain a controversial issue from one generation to another. Few kids appreciate or ask for teen fashion advice, leaving them vulnerable to exploratory approaches to their appearance in response to peer pressure. Parents often worry about how to guide teens without controlling every decision. Below are some tips to help parents deal with anxieties related to teen fashion and its effect on their children.

When your teenager tries something new or extreme, ask yourself and your child the following questions in a low-key, casual manner:

1. Why does your teen want to wear it?

Is the item cool, new, controversial, hip, rebellious, or representative of gang membership or peer solidarity? There may be many reasons why a teen decides to try a new teenage fashion, and even he may not know why he’s doing it. Sometimes the quest for the latest teenage fashion reveals a curious attitude or a creative effort. Don’t assume your child is trying some new teen clothing style or other teen fashion trends for shock value or because of a rebellious spirit. Give him the benefit of doubt until he explains why a certain teenage fashion is appealing.

2. How does it complement or flatter?

If you are unable to see a clear advantage to the teen fashion trends that interest your son or daughter, ask what they like about that particular style. This should be done in a low-key, friendly way, as though genuinely interested. Avoid a tone that suggests you would not be caught dead in it and are worried your friends will question your parenting skills if they see your child dressed that way.

3. Does it fit with the clothing budget?

If your teenager wants to buy a new accessory, clothing item or body decoration, like a tattoo that does not really contribute in a positive way to the school wardrobe, consider having your child pay for the item from allowance or part-time job earnings. This will help him realize at a young age that taking departures from the norm are not bad, but they can be expensive. Of course, if you feel the experiment will provide your child with a chance to express creativity, you may want to include it in the clothing allowance or pay for it yourself. But if not, let him learn how to pay for things that are not a part of the regular plan, as this is good preparation for real life later.

4. Does it meet parental decency standards?

Even if your child gets a questionable teenage fashion item free, evaluate it for parental approval. If it fails the decency test by showing too much skin or promoting offensive lyrics or inappropriate body parts, simply remind your teen of the family standards and suggest she choose another item that is more acceptable. Kids may seem to resent teen fashion advice from parents, but actually, some appreciate the guidance and protection afforded by standards that are consistently enforced.

5. Is it difficult to care for?

When your child wants to buy a cashmere sweater or leather coat, even from her own savings, remind her that the cost affects more than the initial purchase price. Alterations, repairs, and dry cleaning can add costs to the original cost, making it prohibitively expensive for the teen to maintain certain high-maintenance items. Of course, if she understands that and is willing to accept responsibility for the new item, then it could turn into a meaningful learning experience.

6. Does it scream “I’m a rebel!”?

Sometimes a teenager will buy a teenage fashion accessory or piece of clothing because it represents a departure from the norm. Kids going through adolescence sometimes try their wings in this way to create shock value that can stun family members and get a rise out of neighbors and friends. While trying a new look can be good occasionally, wearing something to affect others is not a mature approach to teenage fashion.

Sometimes a teen will use fashion to create an alternate persona. For example, someone who is shy or timid may dress like a gangster or celebrity to feel more confident. To a point, this is okay, but when teen fashion trends are used as a weapon instead of a tool, parents may need to step in and provide teen fashion advice.

7. Will it set a good or bad example for others?

When an older sibling wears controversial clothing, younger siblings may try to emulate their brother or sister, wearing items that are not age-appropriate. Parents will want to evaluate each child’s personal fashion choices to ensure that all are within acceptable limits. Little girls may be able to wear shorts or a halter-top that an older girl should not wear in public, and vice versa.

8. Will it open the door to increasingly inappropriate fashion wear?

When parents reluctantly allow a teen to wear a teenage fashion that is borderline inappropriate, they may be opening the door to greater demands from the teen to wear increasingly worse styles. This is not always the case, of course, but it can happen with certain types of personalities. You should know why your teen is choosing a controversial style and what it bodes for the future.

9. Is your teen wearing it to fit in or stand out?

When parents balk at approving some types of teenage fashions, they have to ask themselves, and their child, if the teen is wearing the item to fit in with peers or others in school or to stand apart from friends and classmates to create a personal identity.

Teens vacillate between trying to become “invisible” among their peers because they are so self-conscious. But many eventually grow bold enough to establish their own style that may clash with those around them. In either case, parents can help guide fashion choices so the child remains an individual without becoming too flamboyant and the object of ridicule.

10. Does the item breach family or community values?

No matter how much freedom your teen has in choosing her own clothing, parents need to decide if something is going to create problems within the family or out in the community. It is not easy being a teenager who must select suitable teen fashion items with which to create an identity. Nor is it easy being the parent of a teen making those decisions. The wise parent will provide guidance throughout a child’s life so that upon reaching the teen years, a son or daughter will make wise if eclectic or creative choices that allow personal freedom without stepping on too many toes.

Is Your Teen Manipulating You?

Does your teen have you wrapped around her little finger? Can she charm you into handing over the car keys for any occasion or forking over some cash for a night out with friends? Maybe he's got a system for bouncing between Dad and Mom to get his way whenever he wants. To find out if your teen is manipulating you, answer the following questions.