Portland Teen Who Peed in Drinking-Water Reservoir Has a Point

The world’s most famous public urinator, this week, is 18-year-old Dallas Swonger of Portland, Oregon, who was watched in security footage by nearly 200,000 people on the official pdxwater YouTube channel. In addition to the public humiliation and police citation, Swonger is being blamed for the city having to dump 38 million gallons of water. He swears it’s notnecessary.

“Even though there is very minimal public health risk, the bottom line is that our commitment is to serve water that’s clean, cold and constant,” he added. “That doesn’t include pee. Not from people, atleast.”

Even so, “it’s fucking retarded, dude,” said Swonger. “Like, how they can do that? How can they be like, ‘Yeah, we’re gonna flush all that water.’ Dude, I’ve seen dead birds in there. During the summer time I’ve see hella dead animals in there. Like dead squirrels and shit. I mean, really, dude?” He’s notwrong.

“Everybody thinks it’s funny and a joke and I’m going to be on the news,” he added. “It’s no fuckin’ joke, dude. I don’t want people thinkin’ that Dallas is dumb ass because he pissed in the fuckin’ water. In our drinking water. Yeah, that’s fucking awesome. I mean, wouldn’t you be pissed about that?” This is how teenagers do remorse. He’s sorry,okay?