Tuesday, October 23, 2007

The CDC has that reported two new strains of Hepatitis have been found and this is just after screening New York and Here Std infested suitors. Personally, I was unaware there were some many classy gentlemen left in the world and that they were able to corral them into one place to fight for such a classy woman like vultures for rotting flesh. But what amazes even more is that is makes such great television, can you say Emmy nomination.

Street Credibility is obtained three ways if you are black:1.Be shot several times, and release a record shortly there after. 2.Have ties to Shug Knight and Death Row Records. 3.Play a professional sport, especially Football. And if you are White street credibility is obtained two ways: 1.Being Justin Timberlake. 2.Being the white kid that is on the And One Basketball Tour.

Friday, October 19, 2007

What is worse than your wife making you watch Sex and the City with her? I know this is a question asked by 95 percent of married men. Well, the answer is having to watch the tampon and yeast infection commercials broadcast during each episode. Honestly, after two episodes I now know 7 different ways to treat a yeast infection and am up to date on all the "breakthroughs" in the world of feminine hygiene products. What a lucky man I am. I don't know how I was able to survive the 12 hours of my day leading up to our Sex and the City watching session without knowing such wonderful tidbits of information.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Why do two men feel it is okay to ride on a motorcycle together? Especially crotchrockets? That's two strikes at once. And if you see two dudes on a crotchrocket wearing turtlenecks with yogurt and kitty litter in a grocery bag, run the other way because they will try to recruit you to play dance dance revolution Barbra Streisand edition.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Being out and about I have noticed many people are confused about how to wear rings. Therefore I have taken it upon myself to declare the rules for ring wearing. The rules are as follows: One ring, the exception being if you are married and have won some type of championship (just remember high school championship rings are reserved for high school and no time there after). However if you have won multiple championships you can wear all of your rings only if you are being photographed by ESPN or SI. Moving right along, rings are never to be worn outside of the ring fingers, hence the name rings and not "thumbs," "pointers" or "tall mans." Also pinky rings are reserved as props for mafia movies not for wannabe gangsters who think they are the next Don Carlion. The only people that wear more than 2 rings are gypsies and pimps. Neither of which are the upper crust of society (no offense to my homies ICE-T and Don Magic Juan).

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

6. I hate you sandals man! Dont get me wrong, being a SouthernCalifornia native I have a soft spot in my heart for flip flops whichare the only legitimate form of sandals. However like everythingthere is a time and a place for sandals. they are not to be worn whenthe temp drops below 75 and should never be worn to lift weightsespecially at the Golds Gym on 9th East. If you would like to wearsandals and board shorts go to the beach, don't try to be a cool"surfer dude" when the nearest body of water is the botany pond on 8thnorth! Come on! i hope you freeze your toes and drop weights on them!airwalk/dr marten sandals must go! please retire them! they are notcool! In the middle East they have weapons exchanges where youexchange your guns for money, food, etc... well we should start aprogram where one can bring in their dr. marten/airwalk sandals andexchange them in return for an ounce of coolness.7. I understand that when you are cool the sun never sets, then whyare so many people still wearing sunglasses on campus in the middle ofwinter? I am amazed! Now i do understand that the Matrix movies havegained world-wide fame, NEO is the only ONE allowed to wearsunglasses 24/7! What has the world come to if we are representingKeanu Reeves in our own everyday attire? There is no need for this!sunglasses are not designed to be used when there is an obvious lackof sun outside and If there is any question as to what is an obviousamount of sun, dont wear them, it is better to error on the side agood fashion sense. I dont care if you can do a killer ray Charles orStevie wonder impression leave the sunglasses at home! do it, trustme, it can only help your image! If you wear sunglasses you will failin life, Just look at Jose Conseco!8. I cant stand Nerd Weddings! Why is it that whenever i go over tosomeones apartment there is always a Nerd Invitation stuck on thefridge! Why is it that when ever i am annoyed by someone or am amazedthat an individual is a an 11 nerd scale (10 being Screech Powers,Steve Erkel) that I look at their hand only to see a wedding ring? Whyis that? Perhaps Nerd weddings are an anomaly, like where is noah'sark, big foot, Tupac's death or why the toilet water spins oppositebelow the equator, all unanswered yet so amazing. Any universityknows they have a problem when the physics department has the highestmarriage rate on campus, and this is a campus with a MFHD degree, comeon. Perhaps a bulletin has gone out on the nerd underground railroad,and they are now flocking to BYU with the promise of marriage, Howdoes this happen what is our world coming to? Is this a result of ournerd reparations, for so long they were ostracized and mocked that nowthey are owed a wife and envied by normal people on campus? i am at aloss for words.

Well boys and girls here it is, after weeks of stewing here is another installment of ramblings.1. Do not Limo tint a car that cost less than $30,000 dollars. Whats the purpose? If you were really that important to the point of requiring a limo tint, it would come with a limo and PS color tints (red, yellow) are never acceptable.2. Rims should never cost more than your car! If you're car is paid off and your still making payments on your rims its a problem.3. If you can fit your fist or a grapefruit in your exhaust pipe its too big.4. If you think you can paste you rear window full of Hawaiian Surfing sticker because you did a semester abroad at BYU Hawaii, you are wrong. Please remove them as soon as possible.5. Learn how to merge, its that simple.6. You know what they say about turn signals in Utah: if it's on, it was on when they bought the car. 7. Your 4-cylinder Honda civic does not need an aftermarket wing bolted on the trunk that looks like it was borrowed from the space shuttle.8. Changing some tail lights is not customizing your car.9. If you spend 30,000 fixing up your sweet Honda Civic.......Its still a Honda Civic.