I don't believe that life should be so absolute. It is too concrete, everything is said with a false sense of certainty. We either are or we aren't something, but what is forgotten in the footnotes is everything true, honest, and human. We are not loyal if once we were disloyal. We are not honest if we once told a lie. We are not committed if we once took a break. To consider yourself absolutely anything would be to discredit what you actually are, a gross oversimplification and neglect of the moments that matter. To me, this is a dangerous and paralyzing mindset that gives the past control over your future. Rarely is anything ever always something. You can always be more or less but rarely can you ever be completely. We are humans, not definitions.

If my day was filled with the bad and the good which do I say it was? There is too much complexion in life for simple summaries. I hate the idea of convenient adjectives being placed after my name. Before I would ever consider myself absolutely anything, I would find much more comfort in the idea of me being absolutely nothing, forever.

There is absolutely no amount of talent that excuses a human being for lacking morality and we as a society must come to demand more from our idols. We have created a culture that values a person's abilities more than their character, we sacrifice integrity for entertainment, and choose to justify condemnable actions by the appraisal of their art. We have deified those who have shown a propensity for greatness but have not proven to be good people, and by raising and praising these false idols we forfeit the prerogative to hold individuals accountable for their conduct because our societal rules and expectations do not apply to those we hold in the highest regard. It can be understood that with genius in any field there comes a certain level of creative obsession that impacts "normal" behaviors and thought processes, but what also should be understood is precedent, consequences, and that what someone can do is not the same as who they are as a person.

In today's current sociopolitical atmosphere we are witnessing the beginning of a dramatic meteor shower, except our "stars" are shooting back down to earth, plummeting from grace in a spiral of allegations, assaults, and felonies. We gave platform and power to people who lacked a noble purpose, who rose to fame with too many blessings and not having learned enough lessons. Talent has been dangerously blinding, but the filters are slowly being removed. We are seeing our gods as humans once more because we are paying attention to their subtleties that no longer seem so subtle. We enabled this entirely, we built our houses in sand and now we are watching the rain wipe them away across our newspapers and television screens.

It is time to reprioritize, to reflect on who and what we respect, and then to give the stages to those who deserve the influence. We, the masses, dictate the terms, we are the ones watching, we are the ones listening, we are the gatekeepers and we must be more responsible with who we let in and who we allow to stay. We control who is relevant by deciding who we pay attention to, and we must decide what we value more, innate goodness or superficial greatness. There is no shortage of gifted humans in our wide world that are both talented and decent that deserve our recognition and there never has been. We must do better, we must hold higher standards in politics, in sports, in art, and in entertainment, we must stop accepting talent as a permissible excuse.

I want to live in the moment but I am beginning to fear that it is impossible. I find that moments are hard to understand, which leaves me with so many questions for them.

Can one ever truly be present, undistracted, deep within the moment? To appreciate it, don't you have to step back and remove yourself from it to understand why it is special? How can you stay at the surface when you can see the potential depth? Perhaps it is just the water rippling.

Will the memories be so potent, or will they be more perfect than the moment? There is no tension in the reflection, ideal, but not real. But why do we overthink? Is it fair to say that the pressure is created by possibility, that by recognizing what the moment could be, we create stress surrounding what already exists? Why do we even believe in perfect? Or do we not truly, but rather find comfort in the concept by pointing to it to keep our way? Does it frighten us that our hands cannot hold onto the experience? That time, no matter how ideal, will pass; it cannot be taken hostage, a slave to no eyes, no heart, no camera; capture the light if you will, but it is always on film that will fade.

Does hope help or harm the moment? It is important to ask, for a good moment can seem fair with great expectations. It is natural, I assume, to recognize the opportunity for a special moment as you see it approaching, but does it become contrived if you acknowledge it in advance, hence detracting from the authenticity that made it seem unique? But then how do we know when to settle or strive, how far apart are being "content" and being "happy". We like to pretend that they are close friends for our conscious convenience, but are they actually enemies?

These are the questions that haunt me. I find myself layers deep within my mind, digging for understanding, wanting so desperately to make the most of my moments that I end up missing them altogether.