in a crisis again.

I dont know how many of the members here still know me, but I'll try to get this out...
I feel horrible lately, its been going on for so long now and everyday it gets worse. I feel scared of everything, I hate being around other people because I just cant relate to them. I cut to get rid of the pain but it still doesnt go away. I pray for the courage to go farther one of these days. The worst part to me is my relationship with my family, it used to be really great, now I barely talk to them, I'm pushing everyone away again.
I'm thinking about another attempt, and I really dont want to hurt my family because thats all I have left and I dont want to hurt them... but at the same time i do want them to suffer, for not even trying to connect with me anymore, its like they saw me giving up so they gave up too.
I'm seriously in a crisis because I'm so close to the edge I can feel it...
Please someone help me...

listen, I'm new here but I know exactly what you're going through. I used to cut myself also, I pushed people away. and I could'nt relate or speak to anyone. but its all better now. maybe you can tell me a little bit more?

Mel I'm here and will be as much as I can even though I am not in the best state's of mind myself.But I don't think that doesn't mean I can't be there for you either,please talk to me either in the forum or Via PM I know how hard you're doing it I know babe,I know you're really doing your best and it's no easy path.

I remember you Melinda and all the struggles you have been through. You have made it this far and now is not the time to give up. Live for you hun. You can do it. Thank you for reaching out for help. :hug:

thanks for the replies, I'm not feeling any better today, maybe even worse... last night i got my plan together, and i know exactly how im going to do it, but I dont know if i should, it'd kill my family... Im scared and confused, i dont know what to do. I just feel like nobody takes me seriously no matter what i do or say. I've lost so much in such a sort time, its so hard to take. i really fel like no matter how hard i try its never good enough. I know that no matter what i do i'll never live up to the expectations of those around me and i know that if i continue living i will just be in pain for the rest of my life... so what can i do really?

Hi Melinda! i totally relate to what you said here. Everyday i wake up wishing i was dead, and i just don´t do it because of my family, how much my gf and my parents would be devastated! So i try to live each day, it´s an unnamed feeling that comes alive and it hurts pretty bad!