share the journey of learning and living the Nurtured Heart Approach®.

Following my opportunity to interact with a number of substitute teachers during some recent training, I chose to focus this issue on these educators who step up and serve a critical role in our schools. Thank you for all you do to SHINE and support others in doing the same!

Sub Consciousness

The energy in a classroom tends to be different when the lead teacher is missing and a substitute is in place. Assuming the job is filled before the kids are in the building, this adult steps in wondering who will arrive once he or she scans the lesson plans and locates materials.

The students come through the door with their own questions: Who's the sub? What will it be like? How will it feel? What will the other kids do? etc. For some kids questions are forefront in their minds, for others it just feels different and sensations of anxiety, uncertainty, and other forms of discomfort can lead to dysregulation.

High levels of emotion give reason for a substitute to know the 3 StandsTM of the Nurtured Heart Approach. Stand 1: No to negativity. There may be negativity that must be responded to in an un-energetic way. Stand 2: Yes to positivity. Every moment is a chance to see what's going well and to celebrate it. Stand 3: Absolutely clear. Students are seeking clarity, boundaries, and an expression of forgiveness when they make mistakes.

I see... I hear... I notice...

Bravo to those greeting kids in the hallways and at the door! You are attuned to energy and relationship. Here are some active recognitions that you might incorporate into your greetings:

You look like you're in a hurry.

I noticed you walking and laughing with several friends on the way down the hall.

I heard you ask my name!

You've got your thumb in your book. Are you enjoying it?

I see you looking at the board to read my message.

Look at you following the routine to hang things up and mark the attendance.

I notice that big smile on your face!

Thanks for saying hi!

Active recognitions let kids know they are seen and heard. This is the beginning of building relationship and answering essential questions.

Set the Tone..Take Time to Save Time

While many teachers spend hours on lesson plans to assure success in their absence, most want to return to peace. Set the tone with the opportunity for kids to share the qualities you can expect from them. List their examples (e.g. helpfulness, kindness, respect, self-control, and flexibility, etc.) and show your appreciation when you see those qualities demonstrated.

We establish clarity by giving clear directions and following up with positive recognition of children's efforts. Energize individuals for any rules they follow and give specific evidence of their positive choices.

Acknowledge yourself, too!

We adults can be pretty hard on ourselves. Proactive recognitions have a three part flow that gives us a chance to see the good when we know it could have been much worse. We acknowledge the choice to follow rather than break rules when using this type of recognition. Children can break rules at any time. Similarly, adults can choose to be out of alignment with their values. Our choices matter.

Example: I could have said no to filling this position because I knew it would be hard. Instead, I took on the challenge, and I said yes. That shows commitment to kids, flexibility, willingness to grow, responsibility to my family, bravery, support, etc.

Another self-talk example:

I could have:

Lost my temper and expressed anger by yelling at the kids.

Instead I:

Told the class we all need to take a few quiet breaths together.

That shows:

Thoughtful decision making and modeling how to manage frustration.

A classroom example:

You could have:

Complained and carried on angrily about my expectation that you stay at desks for reading time today.

Instead you:

Groaned a little to let me know you weren’t happy and then you settled in to work on your assignment.

That shows:

You are flexible and cooperative. I feel your support and see your ability to adjust to a change in your routine.

Tips for Tuning into Energy

Pause when things are going well. Whether a whisper to individuals or addressing the whole group, it is important to interrupt the positive flow to energize success. When we wait too long, some kids find ways of being seen that may disrupt.

Avoid social control! While a genuine recognition of one person may prompt another to get on board, be aware that it's unfair to Jimmy to recognize his self-control because we really want Jenny to settle down and be more like him.

Be real. If you make mistakes with your energy, apologize, reset yourself, and model forgiveness.

The Nurtured Heart Approach is copyrighted material belonging to Howard Glasser and the Children's Success Foundation.
As stated above, the material in this newsletter is not a substitute for NHA training.