Most entrepreneurs and business owners fail terribly a leading. No one tells you when you start your business, that you will someday have to manage an entire team. At the time, you are too busy trying to not go broke. It’s probably a good thing that most entrepreneurs can’t see past the week they’re living in, we would have a nervous breakdown.

Over my 11 years at 8THIRTYFOUR, I’ve stumbled upon the following lessons (and I mean stumbled).

You are in the spotlight. Whether you like it or not, everyone is watching what you do. Your employees, community, clients, partners, family, dog…you name it; your every action and decision is under the microscope. Self-awareness is key, especially after you make a bad decision.

Personal and professional is blurred. Most people spend more time with their co-workers than they do their own families, which means you will know a lot about each individual that reports to you. A good work environment, encourages team bonding and presents opportunities for employees/managers to get to know each other on a more personal level. The catch is, you will know WAY more than you want to about your employees. Safeguard that information and respect their privacy.

Not everyone is a winner. This may seem harsh, but when we started moving to EOS (Entrepreneurial Operating System), it took the emotion out of staff/employee decisions. You have to make the right decisions for the company and that means, right person/right position. Rip the bandaid off when it comes to low performers, if they are not a fit for your culture, then work with them to transition to a new job.

Everyone looks to you for the answer. You are going to get asked a lot of questions, some you know, most you don’t. Unfortunately for you, you’re the only one they can go to. Empower employees to make their own decisions, but also have designated times they can come to you with questions and solutions.

Leadership is lonely. I wrote a pretty emotional and raw blog about this awhile back, running a business is hard. You can’t delegate running the company to someone else, if a big problem hits – buck stops with you.

What leadership lessons would you share? I am always open to learning and adapting based on what I learn. Great leaders don’t happen overnight, they make a lot of mistakes on the way.

Is gratitude lost in todays society, never to be found again? Am I jaded in thinking that younger professionals want things handed to them without first working for it? It would seem the self-worth of millennials is much higher than others perceive it to be. Is this anyone else’s experience?

I want to share a few pieces of advice for young professionals from an old 38 year old.

See a need and fill it. Don’t wait for your boss or work buddy to ask for help, offer. If they need something and you are able to help, then do it. Think of others before yourself. This doesn’t mean you become someones doormat, it means you make yourself irreplaceable. A well-rounded professional is self-aware and observant of those around them.

Say thanks. I don’t care if it is the minuscule thing, say thank you. A server takes you order, say thank you. You are praised by a colleague, boss or whomever – say thank you. Those two words are so powerful and should be the most used in your vocabulary.

Self-reflect. Recognize and acknowledge the opportunities that have been afforded to you. It is so hard as human beings to not take things for granted. Some of the worst bosses I ever had, taught me the most valuable professional lessons. Really reflect on where you are in your career, the culture you exist in and the other individuals around you. Being reflective and thoughtful can save you a lot of headaches in the future.

Learn by example. Who in your company or professional circle do you admire or wish to emulate? What has been their career path? Find out their story, the hard work they put in to get where they are and then learn from it.

Be patient. You will not know everything overnight and you are not going to be a leader by saying you are. That isn’t how it works, wouldn’t that be nice if it was? I have spent the last 10 years of my life growing 834 and I failed a lot and pretty spectacularly, if I do say so myself. Before 834 I had 2 great jobs and 2 really terrible jobs. I learned from both and better understood my capabilities and weaknesses.

What is most important for young professionals is perspective. Your first job out of college is your opportunity to prove yourself and work your ass off. You will not be handed anything, you will not be coddled and there will not be “safe places” where you can feel feelings.

Regardless of how great you think you are, it isn’t your opinion of yourself that matters. It is how other professionals and management see you and that, is completely up to you.

Everyone wants to be a leader, until you are and then you most definitely don’t. There are a lot of misconceptions on leadership, like you will have minions to do everything for you. Listen, this isn’t the Devil Wears Prada and employees sure as hell won’t stick around if you treat them that way. They are not there to get you coffee, hang your coat, drop off dry cleaning or pick up your lunch.

Promotions are great and all, but do you really know what you are in for? Management will not make your life easier, in fact it will make your life much, much harder. You won’t only be responsible for your own work, but now you have people that report to you that need your direction. Everything that comes out of your department/division is your responsibility. The buck stops with you. Mistakes – your fault

A colleague gave me this analogy – being a leader is climbing up the ladder of responsibility and pulling up those that report to you. Your work load just doubled. It is not easy and it is a constant learning curve.

Failure is part of leadership, along with hard work. You have to give your employees the tools to succeed and empower them to make decisions and mistakes. How will they learn if you are always doing for them?

As a small business owner, when do you know that you have done enough? When do you determine it is time to part ways with a client, difficult colleague, or an employee? We make these decisions more often in our personal lives than we do in our professional world. Why is that?

Small business owners are very solution-focused, we have to be. You can’t cut and run at the first sign of an issue, we think things to death until we develop a plan to move forward. Just ask our significant others, they love this about us.

I am here to tell you – sometimes shit just isn’t going to work and it is ok to quit. I feel like there is a reason shit rhymes with quit. Maybe they are meant to go hand-in-hand.

You will know in your gut the decision you need to make. Here are a few reminders on why quitting is important.

Your health is affected. Sleep is f**ked up. If you are tossing and turning all night long and having dreams about whatever the situation is, it is affecting your health. Apparently sleep is necessary – who knew? Is your Anxiety off the charts? Constant burning in your stomach? Headaches? Pressure on your chest? Let’s just say I have been there and it doesn’t go away by ignoring the situation. If anything it gets worse over time.

You’re miserable. Do you dread interaction with this individual? Does your stomach do a flip just thinking about it? Why keep that in your life? What good is that doing you or anyone else?

The wrong reasons. Are you trying to make the relationship work for the wrong reasons? Many of us will keep at it because we don’t want to be labeled a quitter. If you are having a hard time defending or finding reason, then it is a sure sign it is time to move on.

Priorities or vision has changed. If you have a client that doesn’t fit where you are headed as a company, then it is time to part ways. Don’t drag it out, rip off the band-aid.

The future is uncertain. Can you honestly see the relationship going anywhere? Plenty of relationships run their course over time, such as college or high school friends. Why should this be any different?

It’s cool to be a quitter. Don’t let anyone tell you differently, small business owners will never be known for taking the easy way out.

When do you put the phone away for the night? When do you close your laptop?

Boundaries is something a small business owner will never have. We don’t shut it off, we don’t put it down and we sure as hell never stop thinking about.

BUT…this is should not the case for your employees and it is a lesson I learned in the last few years. I wasn’t keeping them at the office til 9:00 p.m. at night or demanding they work on weekends…but I was sending them emails, assigning things through our project management system and sometimes g-chatting them at all hours of the night.

The sad thing is, I had no idea it was affecting them and stressing them out. They felt they needed to respond immediately to my emails or take care of whatever item was mentioned. I had no idea they felt this way. Thankfully, I had an employee speak up on behalf of other team members and I made changes in my communication.

For me, this meant drafting emails and then sending Monday morning instead of Sunday night at 9:00 p.m. I try to be much more deliberate in the way I word communication, as it can be interpreted as a bit too aggressive or blunt. Hard to imagine, am I right?

When you move from being just a business of one, the focus changes. Change isn’t easy for business owners, but it is necessary for growth.

I always think it is ironic I write these blogs about management, when I often struggle to find my way. I guess I figure, when I am researching, reading and learning…well I might as well pass it on to my 30 subscribers.

Someone pointed out the other day, that my agency has a reputation for finding, recruiting and growing young talent. With that comes challenges and rewards.

Managing individuals across multiple generations is hard and each person has to be managed differently. Take millennials for example, a recent article by Forbes said this:

Millennials are the first generation to be exposed to a very fluid labor market, making their careers a transformation journey, where they need to reinvent themselves, try out new skills, and need continuous learning.

Let me translate: They are not going to stay at any job for 5, 10 or 30 years like our parents did. This is a fact with younger talent, and guess what…that is ok! What does that mean for a small company – well, it means that you you changes will affect you much more than larger companies.

I can tell you what is important to my young team (from my perspective – you may want to ask them yourself).

Invest in your team and they will invest in you.

Make giving back a part of your culture. Leaving the world a better place is important to millennials, as it should be for all of us.

Change is good. I’m still working this one out, but I know that change doesn’t scare this generation.

Listen to them. They want to be heard and that means shutting your mouth and just listening. I’m also working on this…it’s a process.

Trust is paramount. This absolutely needs to go both ways. If you don’t trust them, they don’t trust you and vice versa.

This won’t be exciting for anyone reading it, but I’m going to write it anyways – because it is my birthday.

This past year has been exciting, terrifying and adventurous to say the least. Here are my top takeaways as I enter my 38th year.

The non-traditional family. I do not have a great relationship with my family, which is partly my fault and partly their fault. What I have realized in the last year is that we all have a choice. I choose my friends, my dogs and my husband. All of you have loved me regardless of my aggressive and abrasive personality. Whether I am angry, sad or reclusive – you are always there for me. From girl trips to birthday dinners to family dinners to just grieving with me – you are my family.

Travel. I made a promise to myself that I would travel extensively beginning in 2015 and I have kept that promise. From Spain to the Bahamas to Puerto Rico to a cruise to Mexico to Europe. As I sit here writing this blog looking out at Huddersfield, England I am filled with gratitude and happiness. Life is short, embrace it and don’t let anything stop you.

I love my independence. I chose not to have children or to take my husband’s last name. It may seem trivial to some or crazy to others. The fact is, I love Bode, my dogs and my career. If you don’t understand that or judge me for it, then screw you. Everyone has the right to make their own decisions and you should not have to defend your life choices.

Let them in. I lost my beloved Murphy this past year and it was the hardest thing I have ever endured. He was my everything, my best friend, my shadow…it is hard to even write about it now. I have never grieved so openly but with grief comes clarity. Those that accept you in the hardest of life’s moments are those you should share your life with. Say thank you, tell them you love them and grieve with them. You will come out on the other side.

Self-reflection is key. I have made a lot of mistakes, acted impulsively and hurt people in the process. Recognizing your faults and your strengths will only help you grow. Never be afraid or unwilling to apologize and to talk about your weaknesses, you will realize they can be turned into strengths if you are willing to listen and reflect.

Say thank you. I am incredibly blessed and I try my best to show this through my actions. I am still incredibly uncomfortable with affection and personal attention. This often comes off as aloof, I just would rather focus on 834 or you. So, I say thank you to all of you who have taken the time to send a card, wish me a happy birthday, send flowers and continue to reach out even if I go radio silent.

Do what scares you. Get up on that stage and talk about failure, admit you don’t know everything and push yourself to do what terrifies you. There is a lesson to be learned in everything you do. Growth happens in the scariest moments of your life.

Courage is hard. Doing the right thing and making the tough decisions takes courage. Courage means you won’t always be liked or understood, but to me it means I am making the right decision for my business and my life.

Owning a business is the hardest and best thing I have ever done. Hiring and working with the brightest people in my industry is humbling and fulfilling. My 834 team is amazing and I hope each of you knows that – being a boss isn’t always fun and you definitely won’t be the most popular but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

38 is going to kick ass and that is because of all of you. Thank you for making 37 my best year.

P.S. To my sister and brother – thanks for loving me through all of those really awkward and angry stages…and the current ones.

Practice with me. Upload a selfie of yourself smiling in the comments.

Mondays, am I right? Seems like I never escape one without feeling overwhelmed, stressed and pissy. I usually go home, drink a bottle of wine and reflect on all the shit I didn’t get done.

Clearly, that is a horrible approach.

Here are my tips for staying positive during the week.

Gratitude. I try to write several thank you notes a week. Congratulating or thanking someone makes me feel good and they seem to like it too.

Begin on a high note. I write what I am thankful for on a pad of paper each morning as I get ready. It is a great reminder of what is important and all of the truly great things happening in my life.

Nap. I don’t do this during the week, although I might institute a new rule at 834…I do however take naps on Saturday or Sunday and it is magical. Whether you have time to nap or not, you need sleep. Studies show that adults need seven to nine hours of sleep a night. Are you getting that?

Read. Learning keeps you sharp and I LOVE reading about history. I am currently reading a book on the rise of the Third Reich and events that took place leading up to WWII. I try to read a few chapters every night to force myself to put down the phone. Let’s just say it is a work in progress.

Smile. Force yourself to smile and be positive. Even if you are faking it and want to punch everyone you see…smile. It will rub off on others and it might even become a habit.

Getting through the work week can be a challenge and it can feel especially lonely if you are a business owner. You have to weigh doing the right thing for the business with keeping everyone happy (not possible). Staying positive will only help.