Mermaid madness: Starbucks new quart of coffee

Well, of course. It’s just what we need. A 31-ounce cup of coffee. Which, for those who like measuring their liquid intake, is just an ounce shy of a 7-Eleven Big Gulp. Which is, in case you can’t do math, barely a sip shy of a quart.

This new quart of coffee is called the Trenta, and it was introduced Monday by Starbucks, which means we have another reason to hate standing in line under the newly revamped mermaid logo watching baristas frown while twitchy customers add half-sweet, no-whip, extra hot, non-fat and all those endless cuppa joe adjectives that trip off the tongue at the till while you’re waiting to catch your bus and just want, you know, a regular coffee with cream to go.

Trenta, doncha know, is Italian for 30, which means it’s hip, and which also means it’s now the big poppa of the ‘Bucks clan, at 10 more ounces than its predecessor the Venti, which is a large Grande which is a large Tall which is a large Short which is the perfect size for the children’s hot chocolate, which is the best deal and the cheapest thing at the chain.

Anyway, no one should be surprised to hear that the Trenta isn’t getting much love since its birth announcement. In fact, nutritionists and Starbucks haters – why are the lineups so long if everyone hates the place? – are hammering the company and CEO Howard Schultz for adding yet another super-sized excuse for the never-ending expansion of the American waistline, given all that sugar and honey and all those other mixed drinks that the chain peddles in the name of trendy North American coffee culture.

Ironically, the Trenta’s capacity is actually larger than the capacity of the human stomach. (And, okay, metric moaners, that’s 916 ml for the Trenta, compared to 900 ml for the stomach.)

And apparently no one believes Starbucks when it claims that the Trenta, which is only being rolled out in selected U.S. states starting this month, will only be used to serve the chain’s iced coffee and iced tea. Or so they claim.

Because we all know a quart of coconut mocha frappuccino is waiting in the wings.

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RE: “Ironically, the Trenta’s capacity is actually larger than the capacity of the human stomach. (And, okay, metric moaners, that’s 916 ml for the Trenta, compared to 900 ml for the stomach.)” I think this fact, which i’ve seen stated on Huffington Post, among other spots, is a big misleading. Querying human stomach capacity online, it seems a few studies put the upper limit for most people between 2L to 4L. A lot of Tweets and blogs reference the National Post’s graphic, which stated that the human stomach’s “average capacity” is 900mL, but there’s no indication on the NP site where that number comes from. It’s likely that gastroentorologists even challenge each other to come up with “the figure” for average stomach capacity at their conferences. And with something like a beverage, that stomach volume is a moving window.

So what exactly is the big deal about a Trenta coconut mocha frappuccino, if it comes to that? Has the writer ever heard of a milkshake? That’s all it is. And I think that milkshakes have been around for a few years. So let’s get outraged about them too, shall we?? Stupid, stupid article.