The Executive Orders Translated

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Slate's Dave Weigel helpfully has listed the 23 Executive Orders issued by the president today in connection with his initiative on gun violence. Let us put them all through the helpful NRA Tyranny Translator and see what we get, OK?

1. Issue a Presidential Memorandum to require federal agencies to make relevant data available to the federal background check system.

(The singular of "data" is "tyrant." Look it up.)

2. Address unnecessary legal barriers, particularly relating to the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act, that may prevent states from making information available to the background check system.

(You'll get my schizophrenia when you pry it from our cold dead hands.)

3. Improve incentives for states to share information with the background check system.

(Someone in Vermont will know what I'm doing. The jackboot of Ben And Jerry's is on my neck.)

4. Direct the Attorney General to review categories of individuals prohibited from having a gun to make sure dangerous people are not slipping through the cracks.

(First they came for the insane, and I said nothing, because I was not insane. Then, they came for the felons, and I said nothing, because I was not a felon. Then they came for the Christians in my town...wait, maybe I am insane.)

5. Propose rulemaking to give law enforcement the ability to run a full background check on an individual before returning a seized gun.