Tuesday, 5 November 2013

Didi - a guest blogger. Part 3

The extended Blackpool course was excellent but astonishingly hard work
so I will have to have a bit of a rest when I go back to work tomorrow. I took
the opportunity to visit lots of old friends (many fostered or adopted)
so the days and the evenings were very, very full!

One thing I thought I might share is that not one of the former foster
children feels that they have the slightest chance of ever owning a home. And
I think this is so sad! The reason isn't hard to find. Basically no "Bank
of Mum and Dad" to help out with the deposit combined with the perpetual
problem of foster kids timing out of care at a crucial time in their education.
But the good news is that many/most of the people I ate/drank/partied with are
in happy and long-term relationships and there isn't nearly as much loneliness
as you might expect.

Ella is being made redundant in January. The Big Boss Lady is trying to
save money and so is going to try to manage without a PA. Ella is going to look
after Alice and Nicola so the vast sums that were previously were needed for
childcare will not be needed so the financial impact isn't too serious. I spoke
to her this week and she is being as sensible as always about what has
happened. Eve's job seems secure-ish.

Curiously I seem to have emerged undamaged from the trauma at the hotel. I
seemed to have backed the correct side but also, to quote the report,
"remained professional and client-centred throughout". And this is
due to Magda and my foster parents who listened patiently to my rants
about the former manager!!

Didi (06.10.13)

The new hotel manager started work this week and thanks to her
proverbial new broom the changes have been coming thick and fast. She
communicates with the staff so even if we don't agree with all she is doing at
least we know why she is doing it. Just for starters I have been paid the wrong
salary for 9 months. Once my probationary period as Assistant Manager was over
I should have received a salary boost - well I didn't but now all the back pay
should be included in my October salary. Lovely!

On the other hand my foster parents didn't qualify for the discount when
staying at the hotel that would have applied had they been my biological
parents. The new manager wouldn't say what rate would apply if I had been
fostered! My foster parents were visiting old friends who live at
Weston-Super-Mud as the locals call it.

I have had a lovely exchange of emails with the subscriber "Old
Timer" who belongs to this group. A grown-up foster child is
something that hasn't formed part of my support network until now but has
proved useful to both of us. He seems to feel many of the emotions that we
"youngsters" also feel but being older has far more "coping
strategies" than we have. You can tell he is a Londoner as he knows quite
a lot about where I was raised in the bad old days before I was rescued.

Memo to self - I must stop using social worker speak "support
network" and "coping strategies" make me sound deranged!

Eve and Ella and their families are fine.

Didi (18.10.13)

This is the first Monday I have off in ages. The disaster that was
supposed to be a storm didn't happen around here. It never got more than breezy
and the rain never got heavy so it looks as if the Weather People got it wrong
again!

Yesterday I was with Eve and Ella and we three girls had a
interesting/worrying/surprising morning out and about while Chris and Mark
looked after the babies. Curiously we three girls went to watch a football game
in the park. But not any old football game and not any old park. For years the current
and former residents of the Children's Home have been meeting up for a game
of football in the local park and we thought we would check out "the action".
It was quite intimidating walking across to the group of about twenty (14 to 18
year olds) who were radiating alienation and aggression. There was a slight
thawing of the tension when we explained who we were but the lads (perhaps 12
of the 20) didn't want to talk and basically ignored us throughout.

The girls were a mixture of Children's Home and fostered kids. Real hard
cases (except for a couple) and on average much more confrontational than Eve,
Ella and I had ever been at their age. Totally non-engaged with main stream
society. They didn't appear to value education or employment and had nil
interest in any support mechanisms outside their close friends. We didn't even
bother suggesting that they subscribe to the monthly newsletter that Eve and Ella
write - to be brutal I don't think any of us wanted them as part of our group.

We didn't stay long because we didn't feel welcome or even particularly safe so
after about 30 minutes we wondered off. We went to the local café and after a
few minutes two of the girls (16? years old) from the park came in. They were both
in foster care. On their own they were quite civilised - but it was so sad
talking to them. Friendless, ambitionless and almost moneyless they hang around
with low life (their own words) because they have "nowhere else to
go"! I'm shocked at how any child in what is supposed to be a civilised
society can be reduced to the sadness that these two were feeling..