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June 04, 2009

Chicken Chronicles: Chicken Coop Builders Anonymous

Our charming little chicken coop is coming along nicely. A whole-hearted and huge round of appreciation must be paid to Pants for all he's been through with the coop.

'Oh, but isn't it just a simple chicken coop?' you might ask. Noooooooooo, my friends, never fool yourself into thinking the construction of a chicken coop is anything less than time consuming to the point of obsession.

At some point in the middle of the construction, you'll realize that you could have built a whole room onto your house for the amount of time and money spent. Forget about your children's college education---unless, of course, they want to start selling eggs now to save up for college later. Cross your fingers for that Golden Egg.

In fact, if you're building a chicken coop, you'll soon find yourself visiting the local lumber yard on an daily basis, forcing the employees to roll their eyes and smile that knowing, "Oh, you poor thing..." kind of smile.

No, I exaggerate... Just a little...

We decided there should be a support group for partners wrangled into building a chicken coop,

Chicken Coop Builders Anonymous.

The meetings would go something like this:

"She said it would be fun... that we could gather up some of the extra lumber we had lying about and nail it all together---that it would cost next to nothing. But after I used up the lumber I had, I still only had one wall completed. There was no turning back. We started hitting the lumber yard. Hard. It was like we couldn't stay away. I started dreaming about it at night and waking up in a cold sweat. And every time I returned home from the store, we had to go back for more, so intense was the need."

And another, "Yeah well, I wore a hole in my back pocket from removing my wallet so many times!"

"The coop diagrams were so simple but once I got started, I wanted---no needed---to improve the design. Next thing I knew I was installing heated nesting boxes and a coop cam..."

"I thought it would take one day of one weekend. Two months later, I was still out there in the blazing sun..."

And right about then, someone would do it, they would pull out a photo and start passing it around, proudly adding: "But for all the work and money I spent, didn't it turn out nice? I could have built that family room we always dreamed about, but who cares about a family room when you have beauty like this... Note the escalator leading into the coop."

And the one-upsmanship would continue, "Well, mine features solar panels and a composting toilet. Only the best for my girls."

Eventually, the participants would be so enamored with the support group, their spouses and partners would begin to miss them. That's when a new support group would band together:

Widows of Chicken Coop Builders.

It would go something like this:

"I thought it would be fun. But once he started constructing it, he was always gone... I never saw him again... I only started to worry when he began wearing his tool belt to work and placing photos of his chickens in his wallet. Should I be concerned?"

****

But in all seriousness, I hasten to say our chicken coop is the cutest darn thing you could ever imagine! Our chickens had their first visit to the coop recently and proclaimed it to be "just perfect!" No, it doesn't have heated nesting boxes nor a composting toilet, but for what it lacks in techno gadgetry it has two-fold in charm and precision. Thank you, Pants!