He’s called Nigel or something. We’re not sure. We haven’t really been paying attention. From what we can tell, he’s been coaching a club in South Wales and he once appeared in an episode of Knight Rider. He seems well qualified.

Jason Gillespie had of course been the favourite for the job, but was ruled out when Andrew Strauss realised he was the guy who took 7-37 against England back in 1997. Upon learning that his application had been unsuccessful, Gillespie was heard to spit the word “curses” in an evil voice.

To be honest, we wondered whether there might have been a case for having no coaches whatsoever. The players seem to have gone okay unsupervised this last week or so. ‘Old school’ is apparently the most sophisticated, advanced coaching approach there is these days. What could be more old school than just having players and no support staff?

17 Appeals

His name is Trevor. Trevor Bayliss. He played cricket professionally from 1985 to 1997. In 1991, presumably bored during a match, he invented the wind-up radio. This allowed information about HIV and AIDS to get to remote parts of Africa, saving very many lives. It is this ability to do actual miracles that Strauss was looking for, although England winning the Ashes is thought to be a step beyond mere miracles.

Farby? Really? He’s the interim head coach fore cripes sake! Surely “Mr Farbrace”, “the Gaffer” or at the very least “Paul”. Honestly Joe, a nation is already viewing you as the FEC, please don’t go down this shameless route of trying to earn a high rating for guff-talking in the second edition of KC’s BFTD!