Monday, August 8, 2011

Jeepers Creepers.

I am woefully behind on my blog reading. Seriously. It's pathetic. I miss you all so much, it makes me sad inside, like guava-filled donuts. I can read maybe a post or two a day, and I usually don't end up commenting, which makes me even sadder, because I LIKE commenting. I am full of how wonderful I am and expect everyone to be hanging on my every word. Right?

Anyway.

I was reading Grace at ThatsRightISaidIt.Dot.Mom's post and Lizbeth's Four Sea Stars' post on crazy creeper guys, and it got me thinking about just how fucking creepy guys can be. Not just the usual standing too close thing, but that unhinged moment when you realize that this guy? May be ridiculously dangerous. I'd like to share my story [thanks so much, Grace and Lizbeth, for the idea - I was in a blogwriting funk. How many times can I tell you about how much I hate nature before you all desert me? One more? I'm not taking that chance.]

I went to a pretty big university for undergrad. It sits in a college town that leaves you feeling pretty invincible - people are friendly, there are a lot of kids your age, and LOTS of opportunities to go out and have fun. And by have fun I mean drink. I'm not sure where you went to college, but I think that was an extra-curricular at mine. Or maybe just an extra-curricular for me.

I would go hang out with friends at the bar, at restaurants, at houses, and not really think about walking home later. Sometimes there were groups meandering down the road, sometimes there was just me.

One time, it was really late, and I was a little drunk [probably a lot drunk] and I had a face off with a raccoon. Now, as we know, I am no fan of nature [this does not count against me as a post about hating nature, since it's only tangential to my real post. Right?]. However, I do have a healthy respect for something that may be carrying rabies and most definitely is carrying some sort of disgusting garbage germs. Anyway, even though I was on a main business street, surrounded by buildings and the accoutrement of civilization, I let that raccoon have its space on the sidewalk and crossed the street to avoid it, all the while carefully keeping it in my sights, and warning people who were walking toward me about it. [Whether they heeded or understood my warning, I do not know. I'm guessing it depended on their own blood alcohol level.]

You'd think that incident would have given me an inkling that maybe I shouldn't be walking home alone at night. You'd be grossly underestimating how dumb I can be.

Later that summer, I was hanging out with friends at the restaurant where one of my roommates worked. At closing, they were headed in a different direction and I didn't want to wait the extra hour for my roommate to be ready to leave. I decided to head home.

I was again on a business street, walking along and minding my own business. The walk was maybe 15 minutes from the restaurant to my place, all but a block on busy streets. I had done it before and didn't really think about it. Granted, this was in the dark ages, before cell phones and the pseudo-safety they give you, but still - a few minutes walk by myself in the city I'd lived in for a year? I figured I'd be fine. And I was.

Until I heard some guy start yelling at me from his car. I glanced over, didn't recognize him, and kept walking. I ignored him, or tried to, until I realized he was slowly driving along at the speed I was walking.

Which was starting to weird me out.

He kept telling me how beautiful I was, and how much he liked me and how he wanted to take me out and be my boyfriend. And I kept walking a little bit faster, wondering when the hell he'd give up and leave.

Instead, he abandoned his car and started walking with me down the sidewalk.

Now, the things that still stun me are these:

1. Why would he do this and think it's o.k.?
2. Why didn't I start screaming?
3. Why was I even answering any of his questions?

Because he was still peppering me with questions. Where was I going? Do I want to go out with him? Did I know how beautiful I was? Did I have a boyfriend?

My one-word non-committal answers were not deflecting his attention. He seemed older, maybe late 20s, and was probably drunk. I had reached the end of the street and realized I could either turn right down a main street toward home, or turn left down a main street, and hopefully find a business that was still open. There were [and still are] those emergency phones all over campus, but my great fear at that point was that if I stopped walking, I'd be done for. He was really freaking me out.

I turned left.

I walked along, ignoring him, hoping I'd find something open when I realized I knew someone who worked at a pizza place up ahead. Someone who was a guy, who would hopefully scare this douchebag creeper away.

It pissed me off that I had to rely on some guy, because I think of myself as a very, very, very strong woman, I always have.

But at that point? I was weaker than this guy. I was smaller and the streets were quiet. And I didn't think my strength of character or pithy ability to make a cutting remark was going to do the job.

I went into the pizza place, with creepazoid following me in, and saw my friend. Who was actually more the brother of someone I knew. I mean, we knew each other, but weren't pals. Anyway, I quickly explained that creepy guy was not leaving me alone and was really freaking me out.

So my friend's brother shooed the guy away - I think we said he was my boyfriend - and drove me home. I thanked him for the ride and went into my apartment, glad to be safe at home.

And I wish I could say I was more careful about where I went or walking alone, but that would be a lie. I did a lot more dumb, dumb things, and it wasn't until my panic attacks and anxiety kicked into high gear that I really thought that walking around by myself in the middle of the night was probably not a good idea. It pisses me off that creepy guys have that innate ability to pen women in, like polite veal.

16 comments:

I hate how easily those creepy jerks could violate your personal space (among other things) and yet also make you feel helpless simply because physically you're a woman.

Looking back at my college days, only now do I realize just how dangerous some of the things I did, but of course I didn't realize it at the time.

Just this past weekend, there was news that a 19 year-old girl was raped inside a karaoke room, by a guy who was the brother of her boyfriend, in front of several other friends. And none did anything about it. Cops suspected that the girl was intoxicated, and then drugged. And you know what, the f*cking arsehole even had the nerve to drive her home afterwards, thinking she was either unaware or would be too scared to talk.

I know it's easier said than done, and I guess this is the mark of being a mother, but I would say, that if you're a woman, don't get drunk. If you must, make sure you have a buddy system or something. Things could turn really ugly.

I think most women have their share of creepy guy stories. I hate that even with the "equality" awarded women these days, it still comes down to the difference in size & strength that leave a woman feeling scared and helpless. When walking to my car in a dark underground parking lot, I always hold my keys between my knuckles, ready to use them as a weapon - just in case. I've done this since I was a young woman and first realized my vulnerability. I doubt any man would ever feel the need to practice such defense.

#1 - I totally hang on your every word. #2 - Thank goodness for that guy you kinda knew! #3 - I once had a guy in Tunis follow me for blocks and half of what he was yelling was hilarious and the other half terrifying.

I had something similar happen to me while living in Ireland. A guy I was kinda set up on a group date type of thing (NO! It wasn't a gang bang, perv!) Anyway, he just kept getting a little too touchy feely as time went on and like a moron, I left the bar and headed down the street; alone. He followed. I kept yelling at him to get the fuck away from me to no avail. I finally got to another bar and he followed me in quite closely. When I sat at the bar and he creeped up all close on me I finally screamed "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME FELIX!!!" (yes, his name was Felix) The head of every man in that bar snapped up and they quickly took care of ol' Felix. Thank god for small Irish towns/bars filled with friends and family.

Oh I have several creepy stalker stories from being actually stalked by an ex in high school to random men leering at me while grabbing their crotch. Men are definitely creepy...look at serial killers. Most are men and most are 'collectors'. Thanks to shows like CSI, Law & Order, Criminal Minds I'm so paranoid of men. If I'm walking (even if it's in broad daylight on a crowded downtown city sidewalk) and a guy is walking behind me I will stop and let him pass. I barricade myself in my apartment. When I'm out running I always hyper alert. I will not hesitate to yell 'rape' if a strange man gets too close to me. The list goes on and on. Yes, men are creepy as shit.

That just reminded me of another creepy story. More stupid than creepy really. I was in college and a group of friends and I were out (read: really drunk) and we got mugged. We gave them everything and asked to keep the beer. They let us. We walked away laughing and still drinking.

Had I not been around other men I don't know what would have happened. Sigh. And I know exactly what you mean--I'm fiercely independent and abhor the fact I have to defer to a man for help. Sigh.

Okay, SOME men, let's be clear. I only filed one actual police report in university, but there were other close calls. And being in Morocco was a whole other thing - eww. And I hate nature too, so I'm inalienable. Well, I like nature when it's the perfect temperature and bug-free, so, unnatural nature.

god that is terrifying. You are so lucky he didn't force you into his car or something. Ladies- PLEASE take these men seriously. Even the ones that give you grief for treating them like like a stalker or serial killer.Because you know what? The guys that ARENT serial killers or stalkers, the guys who don't mean you harm, will back off. Its true.

I was jogging one evening in Santa Monica on my street. A guy was coming my way and it was dark, so I crossed over to the other side of the street. he crossed too and was still coming toward me. I moved to the middle of the street and he slowed as he passed me and it looked like he was headed my way I yelled- "You are really freaking me out Dude-Get away from me or I will scream!"

He took his ear buds out and totally apologized, he looked shocked but said he felt terrible and then he went away from me, to the opposite side of the street.

"like polite veal" is the most dead on way of putting it. I love that. I too resent the fact that I can't walk down the street at night without feeling super nervous. Actually, I just don't go for walks at night anymore. Thanks a lot douchebag perverts for ruining it. I don't know what I'd have done in that situation.

First of all, that you're majorly freaking me out because my eldest is in college, away from me and she just recently had a scary experience like this, except I was on the PHONE WITH HER when the creeper approached her. She was walking to her car in a parking lot at 12:30 at night after getting off work and the assbag drove up next to her and was telling my tiny 90 lb girl to come to his car! It ended up having a great ending. She walked quickly to her car per my screaming instructions and the next day I tagged Victoria's Secret, her job, in my Tweet about my daughter's questionable safety at her workplace. (Her VS is in a huge tourist town and stays open until midnight.) The VP, the real one not one of the many minions, tweeted me back his phone number. I called him. We had a wonderful discussion where he ensured me she and all other employees would be safe from now on. She and all the other girls now have a security escort to their cars every night. After all the excitement wore down, she told me she could have handled herself if he grabbed her. I love that my girl has confidence, but I told her in no uncertain terms was she physically a match for a man who wanted to grab her.

as for me? I'm kind of a fitness freak and I was on my bike one night, so stupidly taking a long ride as it was getting dark. I noticed a pickup truck pass by me and then turn around and come back. As he came near me, he veered into the grass towards the bike path. All of my defense training kicked in. I jumped off my bike, entwined my legs into the bike, so he'd have a tough time trying to grab me and screamed at the top of my lungs, "DON'T YOU FUCKING TRY IT! DON'T YOU FUCKING TRY IT!" He sped away. I wasn't scared. I was shocked at how pissed I was.

I hope I can say the word fuck here.

And one more thing, guava filled doughnuts make me very sad, too. Don't worry. Some of us are years behind on blog reading. Nobody's holding it against you. Don't be sad about it. There are too many guava filled doughnuts that need your sadness.

And now I have to go call my girl to make sure she's not walking down some deserted street and that she's locked her doors.

I really think there is an entire population of guys who have some level of autism, and simply can't tell when a girl isn't interested.

I spent a week cycling . . . 20,000 cyclists (about 5 men to every 4 women), drinking heavily when not sweating our asses off. I mean, it was a situation tailor-made for flirting.

And watching the behavior of certain guys - well, it made me very sad for my own sex.

Only once did I see something require intervention (there were ALWAYS people around, unless you chose to head somewhere private), where a girl had some fun with a guy the night before . . . and he wanted to make some grand thing about it, she just wanted a little fun (I was near their tent - it sounded like they had fun), and when she wasn't professing her undying love the next day, he pulled out his psycho suit. Fortunately, one of the guys he was riding with was a bit more couth & basically didn't let his buddy alone for the rest of the trip.

Thought provoking post. I've generally been glad to be a woman but the physical fear has always bothered me. When I lived in NYC I would not ride on an elevator alone with a man- even in an office building. I was too afraid of being trapped in that small space and what they might say or do.