How to Use Gender-Neutral Words

And why they're important.

Gender-inclusive language isn’t typically something you learn in school, but its use is incredibly important to make life easier for nonbinary peers.

There are ways to practice gender-inclusive language beyond just respecting gender-neutral pronouns. For instance, replacing “ladies and gentlemen” with “everybody” helps include people who do not identify as ladies or gentlemen.

“Using gendered terms — such as “ladies [and] gentlemen” — is highly presumptuous, especially in today's society, in which many persons are aware that they don't identify as male or female and therefore are uncomfortable with this type of language,” Dara Hoffman-Fox, LPC, explains.

To help our nonbinary friends feel more included and safe around us, here are four more ways to practice gender-inclusive language:

Refrain from defaulting to "-man" in descriptors, i.e. “postman.”

Remove gendered language — like using “postman” as the default word rather than “postal worker” — from everyday speech. By not using a word ending in “-man” as the default phrase for a descriptor, we can normalize the idea that anyone can perform a job, regardless of their gender identity.

“When we speak about ‘mankind’ or ‘the achievements of man,’ what we’re doing is confirming the subconscious bias that men are intellectually, morally, and physically superior to women, which is clearly untrue,” Sam Dowd, a British didactics expert from language-learning app Babbel, says. “By using such language, we exclude women — and, for that matter, nonbinary people — from history.”

We can avoid erasing women and nonbinary people from everyday conversations by using gender-neutral descriptions. Some examples include:

Partner, significant other, or spouse instead of girlfriend/boyfriend or wife/husband

Flight attendant instead of steward/stewardess

Salesperson or sales representative instead of salesman/saleswoman

Server instead of waiter/waitress

Firefighter instead of fireman

“Some people may argue that such concerns are unimportant, but if you consider that language is the primary filter through which we perceive the world, it’s obvious that it affects how we relate to and make judgments about one another,” Dowd tells Teen Vogue. “Until now, history has been written and told by men, to the detriment of others. Part of any attempt to create a society in which all people — regardless of gender, sexuality or race — have equal opportunities and freedoms is to use language that no longer excludes certain groups or creates unconscious bias.”

Just because a nonbinary person isn’t present doesn’t make it OK to use binary language.

Many nonbinary people aren’t as vocal about their identity and pronouns as others, and you can’t know someone’s gender by looking at them, Hoffman-Fox stresses. Nonbinary people reflect a wide variety of gender expressions and are sometimes still identified as male or female because they don’t present as androgynous.

“It's fairly common for people to assume that a nonbinary person isn't in the room,” Hoffman-Fox said. “The truth is, there is no way someone could know that, unless they have had conversations with every person in the vicinity and have asked them if they use binary terms to describe themselves.”

Hold those around you accountable.

Don’t be afraid to correct those around you, such as your classmates and even teachers, about using exclusive, gendered language, but do understand not everyone receives criticism in the same way.

“Some people will be comfortable with being very direct, like: ‘Excuse me, but when you used ladies to describe our friend group, it leaves out those who are uncomfortable with being gendered as female,’” Hoffman-Fox tells Teen Vogue. “Some may want to take a more subtle approach, such as repeatedly using a gender-neutral term within earshot of the person using binary language.”

Pay attention to which responses work better for certain people.

“Depending on the situation, you can address the situation with the person publicly or privately, in person or through a message,” Hoffman-Fox adds. “Try to keep it as simple as possible, explaining briefly what binary language is and how it can often result in people feeling invisible.”

Nonbinary people aren’t the only ones hurt by binary language. Binary transgender people (or trans people who aren’t nonbinary) and cisgender people are also affected — and often harmed — by the gender binary and how ingrained it can be in our language. For instance, many women prefer not to be lumped into a group of “ladies” because of society’s expectations of how a lady should act.

“There are people who aren't nonbinary who are uncomfortable with binary gendered terms, thanks to these terms also being experienced as stereotypical,” Hoffman-Fox says. “Shifting to gender-neutral language is of benefit not only to those who are nonbinary but to many others in society who feel that binary terms are inaccurate ways of describing them.”