Well, it’s been a little while, hasn’t it? A big part of the reason I’ve been so silent recently has been due to that bastard ME doing its usual bastardy things, just more of them and more frequently. Sigh. I won’t recount each and every thing, since not only would that be boring for you, but it would also take far too many spoons for me to type up. So let’s just leave it at I was being held hostage by ME.

Ok, I will actually tell you about one thing it’s been doing because it’s new and super annoying. Keep in mind that I’ve lived through many winters by now, and this has never happened before. Usually, summer in Los Angeles just about kills me each year, but the winter provides a much-needed break from the oppressive heat. However, this winter I’ve been experiencing something very strange and it’s difficult to even put it into words. It’s like my body is having a lot of trouble adjusting to temperature changes. Say I go to sleep at night (as I usually do) and it gets kinda cold overnight. I actually like things getting cold; it means it’s not hot! But then when I wake up in the morning, the air is cold, the house is cold, so I bundle up and turn the heat on. But then as I’m bundled up, I start to sweat, as if I’ve overdone it and now I’m too hot, only I still feel cold. Then I’ll start sweating more, which does its job and starts cooling me off, so I feel even colder, so I pile on more clothes and heat, then I sweat more, and I get colder… and the cycle continues until I’m a tearful puddle of both ice and fire, shivering in front of the radiator, stripped down of as many clothes as I can bear, waiting painfully for my body to just figure it out. Which might take an hour or two for it to do, and by then I’ve used up more than all my spoons for the day and it’s barely breakfast time.

It seems to be more of an issue when I’m stressed (thank you, Geoff, for pointing this out!) so staying calm helps, but you all know how easy it is to simply stay completely peaceful every single second of the day. If we don’t let it get SO cold at night, that also seems to help, and if I force myself to warm up and cool down more slowly, those things help too. But it’s just one more obnoxious way the ME toys with me and makes life more difficult. ME, you’re a sadistic bitch.

Some time soon I will also tell you about FINALLY having another round of nerve-blocking injections after months and months of fighting with my insurance company over them and the recent developments in Calantha’s growth removals, but I’m not ready to get into any of that right now. So, on with the show!

This is the time of the year when I usually remind you guys of all the things I sell which would make excellent holiday gifts for whomever you have on your list, so I’ll keep to that tradition!

Of course, there are my fine art prints, available through my Etsy shop. It’s not at all cost- or time-efficient to list every single image I have available in every size, so if there’s something you’d like and you don’t see it listed, just email me!

Red Bubble is also my printer for my collectable yearly calendars! You can get your 2017 calendar right here 🙂 These are some of my favorite things to produce, as well as some of my most popular items. They’re practical and also give you an inexpensive way to have 12 beautiful images to display on your wall throughout the year; a great value!

I’d also like to mention that I’m really happy with the quality of what Red Bubble makes. I’ve bought numerous items from them over the years, for myself and others, and I’m always very pleased with how they look and function!

Then there’s my self-discovery-through-photograhy-online-course Introspective: A Photographic Quest. It’s still almost 50% off its normal price because I haven’t had time to figure out another hosting option for it yet (Udemy recently decided to cap all its classes at a maximum of $40 per class, regardless of the original cost). Take advantage of that savings while you can! This isn’t a class so much about camera functions, f-stops, shutter speeds, etc (although I provide links which explain those things to those who want to learn). This is truly about exploring who you are as a person and portraying that through art.

The eight-week course gives you weekly prompts of things to photograph; it’s more like visual journaling than simply taking photos. You can share the images if you want or keep them all to yourself, the choice is yours! I built the class based on my experience with the incredible healing power of art and self portraits when I first picked up a camera; this class is completely unique and would make a wonderful gift for anyone who enjoys art and/or self reflection!

And something new this year; I’ve also selling high-quality skin serum through my other Etsy shop! This is a skin serum I developed while searching for the perfect serum for my own face. I couldn’t find what I wanted anywhere, so I took matters into my own hands and made my own blend of oils! Once I saw the wonderful results it gave me, I started giving it to friends for them to test and they also reported excellent results. After many glowing reviews from friends and friends-of-friends, I decided to start offering it to everyone!

My serum is blended with high-quality, natural ingredients (no fragrances or fillers). It’s 100 % vegan and cruelty-free and it is safe for all types of skin. Each bottle is hand-made in small batches and infused with eternally loving unicorn energies!

Right now I’m offering two different versions, one for your face and one for your hands and nails, but the base of both blends are the same. They contain rosehip seed oil (high in fatty acids, vitamins A and C, it helps to regenerate skin and stimulates cellular membrane and tissue regeneration), argan oil (an extremely healing oil overflowing with vitamins A and E and anti-oxidants, along with omega-6 fatty acids and linolec acid which helps ease inflammation while deeply moisturizing the skin) and vegan squalene oil (one of the most effective and powerful moisturizing ingredients currently known! Because it mimics the body’s own natural moisturizers, it can penetrate the skin well and is absorbed quickly.) And you also have the option of adding vitamin C serum to your oil blend (reduces signs of aging and is especially wonderful for eliminating sun spots or other skin discolorations. This vitamin C serum has an infusion of enriched organic aloe and jojoba oils to provide additional healing and hydration for your skin. These unleash powerful antioxidants while preventing the formation of free radicals which contribute to signs of aging.)

I have new images for you as well as some updates about my personal life! Since most of my personal life ends up coloring my images in some way or another, I suppose that makes everything relevant, right? 🙂

I recently had a shoot with a model who was new to me, the lovely Teri Wyble! Sadly for me, she does not live in Los Angeles, but she does travel here now and then and we’ve already made plans to do more shooting next time she’s in town. She was such a joy to work with; she’s not in modeling just to look pretty or puff up her ego, she’s interested in telling compelling stories. She has a natural grace and beauty which lend themselves perfectly to my kind of photography. On top of that, Teri is also just a really wonderful soul, full of love and kindness, and we share many of the same interests. It was a perfect collaboration!

I’m also going to be sharing a bit of my spiritual journey with you guys here. For anyone who’s curious, I am a lightworker, but I don’t define my spirituality much beyond that. Organized religion does not work for me, but I know many people who love their branch of it. If it’s a good fit for you, stick with it! If not, you’re still ok and you can still be a spiritual person.

I believe in an unconditionally-loving higher power, which I like to refer to as Source. “God” brings to mind all sorts of connotations which I personally find hindering. I believe that everyone and everything is made up of energy, as physics teaches us, and since energy cannot be destroyed, it’s most logical to me that life continues beyond death. I have no doubts about this. I have spoken to and had contact with those who have passed over… which would have been enough on its own to convince me of our eternal life, but I do feel science supports this idea as well.

Toward the beginning of the year, I experienced an EXTREMELY powerful guided meditation with a lovely woman named Mojo. If you’re interested in her services, you can find her page on Fiverr here! She currently doesn’t advertise her guided meditations, which she does live over the phone with you, but if you contact her, she can arrange it for you.

During this guided meditation, I actually got to meet and speak with my two main guardian angels. Prior to this, I had believed in angels in a vague sort of way, but despite how much I would have liked it, I never felt that I could successfully connect with any of them. I have also done other guided meditations which are supposed to introduce you to your angel without much success other than feeling more centered afterward, like with any meditation. My point is, the meditation with Mojo was very different. I could actually feel and sense my angels; I could hear and even see them in my mind. I know now that they have always been with me every second of my life, and they will for the rest of my time on earth. I am never alone and they are a great comfort to me.

This new connection with my angels led me to buy a handful of books about angels; I wanted to learn EVERYTHING that I POSSIBLY could about them! As I’m sure you all know, my passions are all-consuming. When a new one ignites, my life becomes focused on that and only that until I feel I have a grasp on it. For anyone else interested in learning more about angels, I recommend Angels In My Hair by Lorna Byrne, and The Angel Therapy Handbook by Doreen Viture. Both are fascinating, well-written and impart excellent knowledge. Angels In My Hair is more of a memoir while the Angel Therapy Handbook is more of a textbook. I feel they compliment each other well.

I mentioned being a lightworker a little bit ago. What I mean by that is that I am certified at level 2 in Reiki. I do energy work, sending positive energy to people, animals, places, situations, objects, whatever you want. It’s healing and can never be used to harm. I also began meditating much more regularly this year. In the past, when I’d try meditating, I would always enjoy the effects of it, but I had a lot of trouble making myself do it with any consistency. I’m not sure what changed, but for some reason, this year I was able to push past that. Once I got over that initial block, I discovered that I LOVE meditating! It’s incredibly healing and healthy for your body, mind and soul. I found it was a bit like starting to work out. At first, you don’t really want to do it, but after a little while of making yourself stick with it, you like it and actually begin craving it. I now have meditation (guided and not) as a regular part of my life and I’d highly recommend it to absolutely everyone! One thing I discovered are the millions of meditation tracks on YouTube; literally something for absolutely everyone and every interest. There are also long tracks of nature sounds and/or music, some with binaural beats in them, some lasting up to eight hours, so you could listen to them all night while you sleep. I’ve been learning a great deal about crystals as well from my dear friend Jessi who owns the shop Mineralism Crystals. I HIGHLY recommend her if you’re in the market for anything! Even if you don’t see something in her online shop, chances are, she has it. I’ve placed numerous orders with her and they always exceed my expectations! Also, she is a fellow spoonie, so your money goes to help support her as she’s unable to work a “regular” job; win-win!

As all these new revelations were opening up to me, meditation, angels, being able to “hear” animals more clearly when I contacted them energetically (for example, I was able to help one very special cat overcome his abandonment fears when he was newly adopted, something I was honored to have been a part of), Teri came along and we had our shoot. I knew that I wanted some of this deeper spirituality to be reflected in something we shot, but I wasn’t really sure how. However, I did know that I wanted to photograph Teri in a beautiful lace dress I had… that combined with feeling inspired by some images Geoff shot recently with a back-lit model that made me decide I would shoot an “angelic” look with the gauzy white fabric and light behind her. (Although really, just try and make her NOT look angelic; that would be a far more difficult job.)

As I suspected, Teri made the perfect angel. Sorting through the images later, I realized that I was creating a new race of DreamWorld beings. The Aethereans, as I called them, are DreamWorld’s angels. They live high in the mountains, away from the more populated areas so they can be focus on devoting themselves to spiritual studies. They are very wise from their decades of pursuing the truth in every facet of life, as well as skilled and compassionate healers. Many of the other DreamWorld inhabitants send their young to train with the Aethereans for several years, where they are taught empathy, love, plant and animal care, healing, sacred geometry and the mysteries of the universe. I thought that the Aethereans needed some kind of uniform or mark that visually informed everyone of who they are and the spiritual life they have chosen for themselves, so I decided they would all have a flower of life symbol on their foreheads. I wish I’d thought to actually apply this in real life to Teri, but this idea only came later. Thankfully, Photoshop made it possible to add it to all the images!

Teri did such a spectacular job modeling, she made it so very difficult to choose which images to work up! I ended up editing quite a few more photos than I typically would pick because I simply could not narrow my selections down any more. It took a bit longer to finish these because of the volume I had to work through, but also because of a couple other wonderful new journeys I was taking…

Through a very miraculous series of events, I discovered Calista Ascension. Calista is one of those very rare spiritual teachers who actually embodies and lives everything she preaches; I have met very few more accepting, genuinely loving and wise people in my life. She offers numerous classes which I was lusting after, but when I saw that she created her own Unicorn Healing System which I could take online from the comfort of my home, I was hooked. I had to take it. Immediately.

I’ll let Calista explain the course in her own words:

Unicorn Healing™ is a hands-on healing modality for empowerment and wellness, but also a development tool that can awaken your Souls’ gifts and purpose. It can be used as a stand-alone therapy or complemented with other energy practices.

Brought forward in 2009, direct from the Unicorn realm via Calista, it is a very sacred modality that can provide all that you are ready to receive.This is a course for those who are ready to step-up, break-through and arise in their POWER!

Just as you have a Guardian Angel that walks with you so to you have a Guardian Unicorn. Once regarded as the fabric of fairytales, Unicorns are very much real. They have walked with us since the times of Atlantis and are now returning to our awareness to help us awaken to love and the infinite potential we hold within.

As this is a distant learning course, you can set your own pace and progression. A commitment is required however as this course is deeply transformational – the more you put in, the more you will receive. The Unicorns are ever-present to those who wish to better themselves and assist Mother Earth to ascend with grace.

Yes. Unicorns. REAL Unicorns. As I mentioned earlier, I am well-versed with Reiki energy, which, I learned, is apparently an earth-based energy. The Unicorns however hail from another planet (bear with me here) so their energy is cosmically-based. (For those interested, Calista recorded an excellent podcast all about who and what the Unicorns are, where they come from, etc, with much more detail than I’m giving in this post, which you can listen to here.) I hadn’t expected their energies to feel particularly different from each other; I just hadn’t thought about it. You may believe that these Unicorns are simply a pretty fantasy I’m escaping to in my imagination (which I’ll freely admit is an escape I would likely pick!) but OH MY GOD – once you’ve felt their energy, there is NO mistaking them. They are every bit as real as we are, and their energy is incredibly powerful… yet also full of the most unconditional love I’ve ever experienced. It’s nearly impossible to describe how energy feels in words, but the ones that keep coming to mind when I think about my Unicorns are high, clear, clean, bright, powerful, silvery, shimmery, penetrating, deep, beautiful, wise, loving, celestial, ethereal, and immense. I love Reiki, but the Unicorns really kicked things up a huge notch for me.

As part of my studying, I went through an attunement with their energy, where I met my three guardian Unicorns, who all serve different roles, and who are all equally exquisitely beautiful. I spent 30 consecutive days meditating and communing with them every day in different ways so we could really get to know each other. And I also practiced doing healings with the Unicorn energy, both in person and across distance, much like you do with Reiki. The Unicorn healings I’ve done so far have been the most powerful I’ve yet witnessed in my life. Problems that have bothered people for very long times suddenly lose their sting, allowing the people to let go of them. Hurts are overcome, trauma is healed. They are truly miraculous. And my guides assure me that I will become physically healthy myself in time.

My guides… yes, I should mention the other guides too. Meeting the Unicorns as well as my angels has opened my mind up to the idea of there being more spiritual guides for us in the universe than I had previously realized. Currently, in addition to my guardian angels and Unicorns, I also have a dragon guide, a pegasus guide and a mermaid guide, although I have not worked with them nearly as long or as deeply as the Unicorns. I’ve also started to sense and sometimes communicate with the elementals all around me. The trees in my yard, for example, will remind me if the bird feeder has gotten low or the plants need watering. I’m becoming a MUCH better gardener with their help! 🙂

Then, right on the heels on my finishing up my Unicorn Healing course, I began taking Doreen Virtue’s Fairyologist course! This is more or less what it sounds like; you learn all about the various fairies that exist, what they’re about (the fairies are mostly concerned with environmental and animal issues, but certain groups emphasize different causes), how to communicate and work with them. At the end, you take a quiz and, assuming you pass, you become a certified Fairyologist. As I’m also in the process of having all my Unicorn work reviewed by Calista as we speak, I’m on the cusp of becoming both a certified Unicorn Healer and a certified Fairyologist… both are NOT things I expected that I’d be saying if you’d asked me at the beginning of this year!

I’m telling you guys about all this for several reasons. One, working with my guides and walking my spiritual journey is becoming an ever-more-present, ever-larger part of my life. I wanted to just lay it all out there in one go and not feel like I had to tiptoe around it on my own blog. Two, everything in my personal life effects my art. Case in point, the images I’m releasing today. I probably wouldn’t have even shot them if I hadn’t met my guardian angels, and I certainly wouldn’t have added the Flower of Life symbol to the Aethereans (who would not exist) without having learned more about sacred geometry in my studies. In my life, there is very little separation between the real world and my art. It’s all one big pot of stew where each ingredient enhances all the others.

And lastly, I’d like to invite all of you to explore your own spirituality. When you find what works for you, there is very, very little in life that is as rewarding! There are many charlatans both online and off, so you must be discerning in who you choose to listen to. A strong connection to your intuition and sense of truth will help you navigate the waters. Any of the people or authors I’ve mentioned in this post have gotten the thumb’s up from me if you’d like to start there!

I am an energy worker. I work with Unicorns and angels. I talk to animals, fairies and elementals. I am a creator. I collect crystals. I am an empath. I am a photographer. I am clairvoyant and clairsentient. I am a fulltime student of truth. I am a healer. I am a woman. I am an artist. I am Sarah. I am me. I don’t apologize for any of that. You go be you, and don’t apologize for any of it either. 🙂

It’s time for all those end-of-the-year blog posts! I admit, I kind of like this tradition. It’s a nice way to look back on things from a larger perspective. And I have a brand new DreamWorld image featuring Travis Weinand for those who want to just scroll to the bottom 🙂

2015 was a… challenging year, to say the least. And it turns out I’m starting it with a fresh, new cold and fever. It has been the worst year I’ve had, ME-wise, so far. It didn’t help that the year began with a crunched-for-time move of houses which literally took me several months to recover from. Medication changes gave me months of terrible headaches and migraines, which also meant that this year was the least photographically productive year I’ve had yet also. Between feeling terrible physically and not having nearly as much access to my art therapy as I wanted, it was a very depressing, frustrating and emotionally trying year as well. All said, I’m happy to leave 2015 behind me and have set my intentions to have a much more fulfilling 2016.

There was some drama in the larger world of ME as well. The US officially changed its name from the very belittling “Chronic Fatigue Syndrome” to the vague and incredibly widely-defined “Systemic Exertion Intolerance Disease.” Most patients and advocates were very unhappy about this and there was a big backlash, which the powers-that-be mostly ignored, as is their usual method of dealing with us. I’m still calling it ME, which is what most of us wanted it to be changed to.

One of the first models I ever worked with, Dedeker Winston, who has continued modeling for me over the five years we’ve known each other, despite me forcing her to wake up early, pose laying in cold, slimy, creeks, regularly get naked in forests and once helping me discover what stinging nettles look like when I accidentally had her pose nude in a patch of them, left for an extended time abroad. She is having a wonderful, life-expanding time and I’m able to keep in touch and follow her journey online and through social media and texts. I was sad to see her leave, but glad that we’d gotten in as much shooting as we did before she left, such as the Pink Mother for DreamWorld. Speaking unselfishly though, I’m really happy she had this chance to do so much traveling and is having such an incredible time! But I won’t be sad when I have the chance to photograph her again 🙂

My dear friend Danica gave me a priceless chance to work with an incredible, stunning, cream-colored Gypsy Vanner stallion named Booger. As soon as I discovered she was horse-sitting him, I began planning a shoot with Katie Johnson and him together, utilizing him in every way I could think of. I have a LOT of his shots still on my hard drive waiting to be edited, but I did at least complete one image from that magical shoot!

I was able to attend another screening of The Last Unicorn, which was absolutely delightful! I dressed up as Amalthea and made a taco purse (get your own here!), which I think was the secret behind me winning the nightly costume contest. I was also able to introduce my dear friends and ex-neighbors Donna and John to the movie for the first time (though I’d already made them fans of Peter’s writing) and they were appropriately impressed.

Speaking of illness, one of my favorite photographers, Ashley Lebedev, let us all know that she has struggled with a chronic illness for a long time. It was beautiful to see people’s support and desire to help her gather funds for treatment. I wish her a much better, healthier 2016 also!

Since 2015 was so heavy with ME, migraines, frequent colds, injuries, deep ruts of depression and stress in ways I have seldom experienced it, an incredibly huge percentage of my physical energy was devoted to simply existing and not giving up. It really underscored how precious my time and energy is and how I need to devote it to things that are worthwhile. No, not just worthwhile, but things which I cannot live life without. The things are dearest and most deeply important to me.

This has given me a lot to think about as I ponder how I’ll change my management of time and energy in 2016. I will try and devote myself to not just ideas I like, but the ideas which I think are the best. The most important. I simply don’t have time to pursue anything less. This is helping to bring my artistic goals into much sharper focus. The dross will be burned away; the leftover gold burnished until it gleams.

I’m also making an effort to set aside more time for self-care activities, like short walks with Calantha or yoga when my body allows, meditation and reading for pleasure. Few things enrich my life (both my actual and imaginary worlds) as much as reading does and I need to make sure I don’t let that slip away from me by being “too busy” for it.

But of course the most important things are the relationships I have with friends and loved ones. Those will always be tended to, nurtured and cultivated as best as I can manage! I am blessed to have many, wonderful friends in my life, online and off, who get me, support me and my art and are incredibly gracious about my health problem. That’s something I should never forget to be grateful for or take for granted.

When I first met model and friend Travis Weinand, I was struck by how truly ethereal he looks. Not simply in pictures or when in costume, he always looks like he stepped out of a comic book, collection of mythology or possibly Middle Earth. With a quick stop-off for a dose of Viking and tattoos. Anyway, I immediately wanted him to have wings. I wasn’t sure how, but I knew he’d get them before we were done working together.

So at our next shoot, I asked him to sit in front of a dark backdrop and pose angelically. He made looking strong, gentle, loving and bad-ass all at the same time look effortless. Editing did take a while since I painted the wings myself and had to figure out exactly how I wanted these “wings made out of light” to look, but it was very worth the effort!

This character lives in DreamWorld, as you would probably guess, a centurion of sorts to DreamWorld’s Queen (whom you have not met yet, but hopefully you will soon). He leads the Queen’s army, the Glorious Guard, but he’s more than just a devoted servant. Part bodyguard, part lieutenant, part enforcer, part adviser, he is a dazzling embodiment of good.

The title of this image comes from one of my favorite poems of George Gordon Lord Byron, All For Love. In it, Byron discusses love being the greatest glory one can receive, far greater than wreaths, trophies or other symbols of glory:

O Fame! if I e’er took delight in thy praises, ‘Twas less for the sake of thy high-sounding phrases,Than to see the bright eyes of the dear one discoverShe thought that I was not unworthy to love her.There chiefly I sought thee, there only I found thee;Her glance was the best of the rays that surround thee;When it sparkled o’er aught that was bright in my story,I knew it was love, and I felt it was glory.

That last line kept repeating and repeating through my head as I edited… thinking about the love he has for his Queen, those he protects and his glorious vestige, so I finally gave in and just used it as the title.

First, let me quickly update those of you who are regular readers. You may remember my Preparing For Battle post where I talked about… well, preparing for the big battle I was about to face. I was sick with stress and worry about it; it was honestly one of THE hardest things I have ever had to do.

But guess what? I WON!!! I’m afraid I still can’t give many details about the nature of the fight, but this is a huge, wonderful victory for me and will help make my life a little bit easier. So thank you VERY much to each and every one of you who said a prayer for me, lit a candle, sent Reiki or good thoughts… they all melded together and produced one hell of a win for me!

Now, with that’s said, let me tell you about my calendars!

Sarah Allegra 2016 Calendar

These guys are always a favorite; they’re probably my single best-selling item. And with good reason! Red Bubble packs a ton of quality into these babies with thick paper, almost like a heavy cardstock or watercolor paper. The pages have a subtle sheen without being shiny. The daily squares are big enough to make notes in. I still have calendars (both my own and from other artists) from years ago which hold up beautifully, even after years of flipping through them to see the lovely pictures!

Sarah Allegra 2016 Calendar

This also brings something else up: getting this calendar is like buying 12 small prints of my work! Each year’s images are different, making each year a unique and collectible item. And if you want to keep the calendar after the year is over, like I do, to enjoy the images whenever you want to pull it out? That’s fine! Red Bubble does a great job at printing the images and making them look the way I want them too; this is a solid buy! You’ll get images which span across my series, from my DreamWorld, Enchanted Sleep, Eternal Storms to self portraits, which feature Katie Johnson, Dedeker Winston, Travis Weinand, Noemi Regalado as well as the beloved author of The Last Unicorn, Peter S. Beagle!

Also, while I was uploading a diptych of Travis for one month of the calendar, I noticed that it made a really awesome pattern for Red Bubble’s leggings. So get your Travis-printed leggings now! 😀

Travis Leggings

All of us independent artists and craftmakers REALLY appreciate your purchases, whether it’s for Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday, regular holiday shopping, something for yourself, or any other reason you might have! Please keep shopping small in mind during this holiday season!

Something you’ll know about me if you follow me anywhere or have read any other blog entries is my deep, abiding love for Peter S. Beagle and all of his creations. Yes, he is best known for his beloved masterpiece The Last Unicorn (the same story that was made into an animated film and you probably saw as a child, not grasping its full, profound meaning). The Last Unicorn deserves every bit of praise it gets and more. It’s the most incredible story, full of wonder and love and great sorrow… and joy, despite, or because of, the sorrow. What many people don’t know is that Peter is an exceptionally prolific writer, having written more books and short stories than I can count (A Fine and Private Place is a very close second favorite to The Last Unicorn). And every single one is just as brilliant of a masterpiece as The Last Unicorn.

I actually don’t remember a time when I didn’t know the story of The Last Unicorn. As in the book, “there has never been a time without unicorns,” so there was never a time for me without The Last Unicorn. It came out the year before I was born and I grew up knowing it. My brother and I both loved it, and to this day can still quote nearly the entire thing by heart. We would make a game out of it, seeing how long we could volley the script back and forth. As I got a little older, I started reading the book, and each time I did, I discovered new levels, new depths, new nuances that I hadn’t been old enough to understand before. It’s a common misconception that Unicorn is a children’s story, simply because the movie made from it was animated. There’s nothing wrong with children reading or seeing the movie, but it is a story for grown-ups. You can’t fully appreciate the skillful, deft writing, the terrible tragedy, the glorious splendor, the tear-inducing sacrifice, the depth of the characters until you’ve experienced more of life yourself.

It doesn’t surprise me now that I look back and remember that the very first self portrait I ever took, far before I was a “photographer” or a “self portrait artist” was inspired by the book. The character of the unicorn, magically transformed unwillingly into a human girl for much of the book, taken from immortality into a body she feels dying all around her, resonated so deeply with me. I probably don’t have to draw you a very detailed map of how it relates to my experience of living in a shitty body possessed by ME. And yet the unicorn gains something which sets her apart from all the other unicorns in the world by her ordeal. She learns regret. She learns to love. She is made more full for all her suffering. It’s a hope I cling to for myself, sometimes harder than others, but one I return to again and again.

About two and a half years ago, Peter magically discovered some of my work which had been inspired by his writing (both The Last Unicorn and other stories) and his business manager, Connor Cochran, reached out to me. There is still much under wraps and it will all be revealed in time, but we began working together, which was more than a dream come true for me. Bless him, Peter is the antithesis of the saying “never meet your heroes.” Meeting Peter only me love him and his writing more. There truly are few more kind, generous and relentlessly creative people on earth. And he is this generous with everyone. At The Last Unicorn Screening Tour (which I HIGHLY recommend you attend!!) he will stay until EVERY SINGLE PERSON who would like to meet him, hug him, have him sign their book or take a photo with him is seen. Despite the often very long lines, he doesn’t make you feel rushed, he takes his time and lets you say whatever you need to say. In the moment you’re with him, you are the only person in the entire world and you have his full attention. This does mean the screenings often end in the wee hours of night, and I don’t know how they all do it, those hours would kill me, but it’s just who Peter is.

A little while after I had signed my contract with Conlan Press, Peter’s publishing house run by Connor, I gathered up my nerve and asked Connor if I could borrow Peter and photograph him as DreamWorld‘s King when they were in town for the next screening. To my joy, Connor gave me the go-ahead. This led to a nightmarish few weeks when I frantically created Peter’s incredibly elaborate costume made almost entirely out of paper (fully documented here) but the results were worth every tearful, over-tired night I had getting ready for it. No one could be DreamWorld‘s King better than Peter.

Beloved Of The Crown – Peter as the King, with Dedeker Winston and Katie Johnson as his maids.

Why am I telling you all this? Just to illustrate what an incredibly special and remarkable person Peter truly is, and how wonderful Connor and everyone at Conlan are. They put their all into every single screening. They are genuinely all wonderful people, and Peter is everything you would hope he would be and more. I’ve been fortunate enough to have attended two of them; the first time was the same day that I photographed Peter so I had no energy for dressing up myself for the show, but the second time I went as Amalthea, as seen below (which won the costume contest that night, probably because of my handmade Have A Taco Purse, which I can make for you too!). Seeing the movie in a theater never fails to bring tears to my eyes.]

Which, in my rambling, round-about way, leads to the main thrust of this post. The tour had planned on traveling to multiple countries in Europe this year, and while the movie will still be shown and everyone will still have a fabulous time, Peter will be unable to attend due to a non-threatening health issue. Peter is ok, there’s nothing to worry about, but still… even non-threatening health issues suck. Peter hopes to be back on the road soon, but I thought that it might cheer him up if we all rallied and showed him some love. What do you say? For our beloved author who writes the stories which make us weep simultaneously from sorrow and joy? He has given SO MUCH to the world, let’s try and give even a fraction of it back to him!

What do I mean by that? Well, feel free to leave a comment here on the blog. I’ll send them on to Connor who can forward them to Peter. Feel free to leave kind words of encouragement on his Facebook page or send him an email at contact@conlanpress.com. I’m sure he will really appreciate everyone’s show of support!

And let’s face it; we owe him. For decades of wonder, joy and poignant insight. For holding up mirrors full of fantasy which still reflect ourselves back and help us make new discoveries. For every brilliant word typed, every tear shed and every heart which grew in size because of his writing. For showing us what heroes are for. For bringing us unicorns.

My work has been accepted intoA Gallery! A Gallery is a fantastic online gallery who represents some truly stellar other artists in whose company I am proud to be. You might know of Christy Lee Rogers or Tyler Shields, who are both extraordinary and whose work I knew before I was to be shown alongside them. One of the most giddy, fan-girl moments though was discovery A Gallery also represents Chris Parks whose work you will know if you’ve seen one of my very favorite movies ever; The Fountain. That magical, swirly, organic background used in so many shots (especially in clouds of stars and gas in space) are his creation.

Chris Park’s dreamy, swirly, organic creations in The Fountain

Chris Park’s dreamy, swirly, organic creations in The Fountain

*Squealing, fan-girl hopping*

Ahem. I am VERY happy to have found such a wonderful home for my art! I’m thrilled to be working with A Gallery’s owner, Fraser Scott; it’s going to be a really great, long-lasting relationship for everyone involved! I can’t wait to see what this brings!! This feels like a really big accomplishment to have checked off my life’s to-do list… and yes, there was champagne when I checked it off 🙂

When you purchase a print, you will receive one of my gorgeous, luscious, limited-edition, signed and numbered museum-quality prints, printed on the thickest, most delicious fine art paper. I am going to be printing all my images on Hahnemuhle Fine Art Pearl Paper. It’s almost like a watercolor paper and it picks up every tiny detail for your viewing pleasure! As a wonderful bonus, the paper itself is ever-so-slightly shimmery, which truly adds a whole other depth to the images and enhances their magical, mythical feel. It’s been a long time searching for exactly the right paper which would give me the lifetime of quality I want along with the subtle, fae-like touch of pearl, and this paper is it. You really have to see it to understand how gorgeous it is

I have sung the praises of my printers, POV Evolving, before and I’ll say it once more. They are not close to me. Their location is somewhere between a hassle and a nightmare to get to, I can never go without getting a little lost coming or going, and it’s a big mental and physical drain to make the trip down. I don’t care. Their work is so fantastic, I do not care where they are, how long it takes, how snarly the traffic is; it’s completely worth it! Lauren, who does my printing, is also a truly lovely person who makes the trip extra worthwhile by being so pleasant when you get there. Pleasantness aside, POV just does astonishing work which will last a lifetime and more. I have been told by clients who have my work hung in their homes, that when people come over and see my prints for the first time, there are often gasps. I feel immodest saying that, but that really is the level of beauty you’ll be getting!

It feels truly wonderful to have found a home gallery run by such a great person who has a commitment to my work, an emphasis on working ethically with everyone, and being in the company of such immensely talented other artists!

I’ve scattered some of Fraser’s image choices through this post, but please take a look at which images he has selected for his prestigious gallery! And if something strikes your fancy, feel free to purchase a print for yourself or a loved one! 🙂

Last summer, I had recently watched some of the BBC’s episodes of Life, their truly excellent series on all kinds of wildlife. I was watching it while I edited other images (I rarely watch TV without doing a second activity, unless we’re talking about shows like True Detective, Breaking Bad, Boardwalk Empire, Rectify, etc, which all demand my full attention) but my editing suddenly halted when this segment came on.

I remember backing it up and watching the whole piece again, mesmerized, deeply touched and saddened by such complete, beautiful devotion from any creature to another. As I watched it a third time, I knew a photo was going to come out of it somehow… it was resonating too deeply with me for anything else to happen.

Now, as to how the medieval elements worked themselves in… I can only give you guesses since I’m not really sure how my brain made the jump myself. I know that part of it had to do with wanting to give her eight “tentacles” of some kind (which made its way into her hair) and wanting to give her a pouch to carry her eggs in. For some reason, I thought of a kirtle, a medieval garment which lasted for several centuries. The kind I was picturing were from, I believe, earlier on in the medieval period and looked more like what we might think of as over-dresses or fancy aprons.

A red kirtle from a modern pattern by Burda.

Researching medieval garments inevitably led to medieval hair… images like these set my brain whirling.

You can see how the braided and wrapped hair, along with beautiful headdresses leaked into my character.

As usual, I wasn’t sure how I was going to do this when I started into it.

I had a longish, dark brown wig which I’d bought very cheaply quite a while ago. When it arrived, I realized why it had been so cheap; it was already snarled and tangled before I’d even taken it out of the package. I halfheartedly attempted to work the same wide-tooth comb I use for my own often snarled and tangly hair and quickly realized it was a futile endeavor. I tossed the wig into the back of the closet and mostly forgot about it.

When this project came up, I remembered it though. Even though it poofed up like a drying poodle as I combed it, that would work in this case, since I’d be wrapping it up and looping it around. I spent most of one afternoon just combing it out – not detangling it, mind you; there was never any hope of this wig being tangle-free. My best hope was to get it to the point where I could separate it into eight segments. It took all the strength in my arms and they were very unhappy with me for the next few days, but I managed to do it.

In the meantime, I had discovered arm knitting, which I found I could do without a) using much brain power, b) quickly c) without using much muscle power and d) it had very pretty and interesting results. The resulting squares and shapes I made from the looping yarn had such a beautiful, organic look, almost like a coral reef or some other under-sea plant/creature, that it felt completely at home with an aquatic-inspired creature.

After the combing session, I put the wig away for a day or two. I brought it out again after my arms had regained a little strength. Of course this also meant that it had had a couple days left completely on its own without any outside help to start tangling again, so I spent a little time re-combing it to get it back to a manageable state. I quickly arm-knit a band of yarn which would form the circlet of my headdress and made sure it would fit.

I put the circlet of yarn back on top of the hair and began crisscrossing the yarn (which was a beautiful, slightly metallic variegated blend of soft pinks, blues, lavenders and silvers) over the different segments, using liberal help from my glue gun to keep everything in check. Each segment was attached back up to the main part of the circlet after its crisscrossing was done.

The two front, face-framing sections of hair were left for last. I added some looping pieces of yarn between the other segments to make it more headdress-like. The front segments got crisscrossed with their own lengths of yarn and were then attached to the very back of the circlet, forming two large loops on either side of the face, with hair tentacles hanging underneath them.

Then was the fun part: beads! I raided my bead stash, with an eye toward pieces from a very elaborate headdress I’d made which had recently died, spilling beads all over the floor. I knew there were some really cool pieces which I’d used for it, so I repurposed them again in this piece. I didn’t want it to be overwhelmingly be-jeweled and sparkly, just enough bling to make the character look a bit important; perhaps some kind of royalty.

Moving on to her dress, I had a high-necked, sleeveless, pink chiffon dress from Ebay which I’d gotten for little more than a song. Pink isn’t a color I’m usually drawn to that much, but since the original octopus was pink, my character was going to be pink too. I kind of eyeballed the general shape of a kirtle from ivory tulle; a lot was going to happen to it and since it was so light and transparent, it didn’t need to be perfectly symmetrical.

I free-styled a yoke for the kirtle with more arm knitting and added some cap sleeves (which are only visible in some of the images unfortunately). One thing I was finding with the arm knitting was that is is EXTREMELY forgiving. Arm you within an atom bomb’s range of what you were going for? Then it will probably work!

To unify the costume and also enhance the organic, oceanic feel, I arm knitted a piece for the bottom of the kirtle, basically a large triangle, and two smaller, upside-down triangles for either side of the egg pouch. I left several yarn strings loose from the pouch triangles which would be used to tie the kirtle behind the back of the dress, just like a regular apron.

The eggs were leftover from a shoot I did with Paul Telfer as the Sleeper’s Sentinel. I’d had to buy a dozen of the super-large plastic eggs so I had PLENTY to use for other shoots! I kept these fairly simple since there would be a lot going on visually in the images; I started with spray-painting a base coat of a semi-metallic light gold color and added flecks of bronze-black to make them look more like real eggs. Repeat until they look right. I knew I’d only need five or six eggs, since that was as many as would fit in the pouch I’d made so I didn’t waste any time painting extra eggs.

I did do one thing to just one egg though… I found a nail and a hammer and while the egg was still in two pieces, I hammered a hole through from the inside out. Some sharp knives, pliers and more hammering later, I’d created what looked like a fracture in the egg from a chick inside starting to hatch. Eggs = done!

I’d had my faithful model Dedeker Winston in mind for this character the whole time. I usually cast characters in the same way I create them, just by what “feels right.” I had not consciously remembered it, but it turned out there was a really wonderful real-world reason to have Dedeker play the octopus-mother caring for her eggs. Dedeker has been an egg donor many times to couples who are unable to have children on their own. In fact, one family has two children, both from Dedeker’s eggs, and they just requested a third! It’s very unusual for a family to have so many children from the same donor, but I think it’s really lovely that all of their children will be linked in this extra way. And clearly Dedeker produces really fantastic babies! 🙂 Once I remembered that, it felt truly serendipitous that we were shooting this character together.

I knew that my wig was several shades darker than Dedeker’s hair and I had a couple thoughts on how to deal with it. I knew she had a dark brown wig of her own which we could layer under mine, or we could totally cover all of her hair with a wig cap. In the end though, she simply twirled her hair into a low bun, I set the wig on top of her head and since there was so much going on with the hair, it looked completely natural and blended right in. If you looked closely, you could see that some of the hairs on her forehead were a bit lighter than the rest of her head, but I matched them up in about 30 seconds in Photoshop. Sometimes the simplest method is the best!

We set out on a morning last summer to capture these shots of the character I’ve dubbed the Pink Mother. We got started early and the sun was already blazing; it promised to be a miserably hot day but at the moment it was still pleasant. I started shooting Dedeker in a dryer, dustier, yellower scene and led her along a path which gradually got greener and lusher, mirroring the octopus’ journey to find the perfect environment for her eggs to be born into. The color pallet moved from warm and vivid to cool and less saturated, especially in regards to the Pink Mother herself. As she nears death, the paler she becomes until the last shot, where she is very white.

She sacrificed everything she had for her eggs. She loved them, cared for them, caressed them. She journeyed over countless miles to find a safe, green place for them to be born. Though it cost her everything, she never hesitated. And, it seems, her journey was worth it. The cracks in the eggs prove her right. They were brought forth from the deepest love there is, and that can only be the best start to these new beings.

So thank you to Dedeker for being my medieval octopus mother and letting me share your story about your own eggs! And thank you for trusting my vision even if it seemed questionable at the time 😉 You were the perfect, purest-loving mother to those babies!

And now enjoy the full images, some detail shots and behind-the-scenes captures!