Wednesday, February 28, 2007

CLAPTER: Word Sin or Genius?

I’ve always thought that certain words are lame, like the word lighted. I think the word litmakes much more sense, and it sounds better off the tongue. I don’t think I could ever say “Today I walked into the lighted corridor searching for the door to the bathroom”. I just think that sounds stupid. I think it sounds much more accurate to say “Today I walked down the lit corridor searching for the door to the bathroom”…don’t you?

Maybe not, but I do...and this is my blog…so nah.

Sometimes I even make up words, without knowing it. It’s like my brain understands all the rules and decides what would sound better in a given situation. It just creates a word, and then fires it along the neurons and pathways until it reaches my ever so gentle lips and spews it forth like it was lit from within me.

I once told a friend that he should listen to the sounds the crowd was making at a sporting event. I think the conversation went something like this:

Me: Do you hear that? Hear the beat?PJ: What beat? You mean the crowd?Me: Yeah, the crowd. They’re clapping. Hear that?PJ: Yes. What of it?Me: Listen to the rhythm. The clapter of the crowd has a rhythm to it. Weird.PJ: Whoa, whoa…what?Me: What?PJ: Did…did you just say “clapter”?Me: Yes?PJ: What the hell is clapter?Me: You know…the clapter…of the crowd. The sound it makes when you slap your hands together.PJ: You mean “clapping”.Me: No, clapter. It’s totally a word.PJ: Um…no it’s not.Me: Um…yes it is.PJ: …Me: When you hear somebody laughing, you say “I hear laughter.” It’s like the noun form of the word “laughing”. Same thing with clapping…clapter is a noun derivation.PJ: Dude, it is *so* not a word.Me: Whatever, yes it is!PJ: Do you want me to get a fucking dictionary?Me: Fine! Prove me right, bitch!

(PJ gets a dictionary)

PJ: Show me clapter.Me: Ok.

(me searching dictionary)

Me: … Huh. I’ll be damned, it’s not in here.PJ: HA! Fucking told you so!Me: Are you sure this dictionary is current?PJ: What? Shut up. Clapter isn’t a word. Deal with it.Me: Crap.

Ever since that event, I have done my best to convince people I’m right. I think the word totally makes sense. If you can say “laughter” why can’t you say “clapter” ? It makes no sense to me, that you can’t use that word.

Clapter should be a fucking word. I even have the definition as it should be printed in the dictionary:

Clapter (‘klap-t&r)Function: NounEtymology: New English, from clapping derivation. No Old English roots.1:a sound of or as if of clapping1a:a sound of or as if of clapping, pl.2:to show approval through the use of slapping one’s hands together

See that shit? It totally works.

I think clapter makes sense as a word. I think that it’s a conspiracy that it isn’t. Who makes up these rules, anyway? Who decided that it was ok to say “lighted” or “lit” interchangeably, but that “clapter” is a word sin?

Fuck that. Clapter should be a word.

I will bring as many people to my way of thinking as I can, and someday…you watch…it will be in the damn dictionary. PJ told me he's told this story before, and the results have been about 50/50 so far. That means that half of the people he's told this to are on my side.

My kid (3 years old) invented the word "lasternight" which to her means last night, because we say yesterday so why not lasternight? I think the word rocks and I use it all the time now. And my cousin invented the word "bandago" which means a band that was popular a long time ago. As in, remember Winger? They're such a bandago.

The word Clapter was first used by Amanda Filipacchi in her 1993 novel Nude Men -- it was how the audience responded to the non-magical tricks of the avant-garde magician Laura... they roared with clapter

I was in class this past week and it happened to me. I said clapter, and then froze. Oh yeah, and everyone called me out on the word...which is totally a word. I suffered with an extreme internal struggle for days...my heart said clapter is a word and everyone uses it...my mind said i was an idiot. Either way, I couldn't find it in the dictionary - which is ridiculous. And I haven't found much support from those around me yet...but I have faith.

I have long been convinced that clapter is a word...can't believe that it's not in the dictionary. I have had many an argument with people trying to tell me it's not a word. I thought it was just as common as laughter! ...I wonder where I heard it from, if no one else I know seems to think it's a word either?