You’re so selfish.

Just another vignette from my life! This interlude occurred last year and needless to say this guy has been deleted. He behaved particularly despicably and I also suspect that he was cheating on a wife or girlfriend. So, coming to a sexual health clinic near you! I hope he gets a nice, big benzylpenicillin shot in the arse for all his troubles.

Wait a minute. What?! How can he expect anyone to actually fall for that? And yet, why do I imagine someone has?

Listen. In a relationship, it’s important to be selfish. It should be a relationship with someone you want. He or she should treat you the way you want. And you should behave like the person you want to be in relationship. And if the person you want to be happens to not be diseased and pregnant, then you know this guy is full of crap.

…What if she replied with, “Actually, I’m protecting you, since I have syphilis.”