12

1

11.0

11.0

10.6

.684

.667

47.8%

23.5%

71.3%

2.2%

14.4%

Perhaps it's time for Turner Field to have a home run sculpture of Justin Upton that also hits a home run.

2

8

5

8.9

9.6

10.0

.636

.654

79.2%

7.8%

87.0%

1.5%

8.3%

Assisted suicide remains illegal in the United States, which makes it even more puzzling pitchers choose to give Miguel Cabrera something to hit.

3

9

4

9.5

8.6

8.4

.605

.624

29.0%

28.6%

57.6%

2.6%

7.2%

That was nice of Terry Francona to deliver them a gift basket of chicken and beer before the game. At least it looked like Terry Francona.

4

11

4

10.4

9.8

9.4

.593

.612

27.4%

25.4%

52.8%

3.0%

12.5%

Add Jed Lowrie to the burgeoning list of unlikely cleanup hitters.

5

9

5

8.5

9.4

8.4

.591

.611

52.1%

19.3%

71.4%

3.2%

1.5%

Slowly but surely, the Rangers are ready to consider turning Michael Young's empty locker into a sewing room.

6

7

5

7.5

7.0

7.6

.586

.605

50.3%

20.7%

71.0%

2.2%

8.1%

Vernon Wells will start in left field for the American League in the All-Star game and there is nothing you can do about it, except perhaps e-stuff the ballot for someone less mind-blowing.

7

8

5

8.0

7.8

7.6

.565

.546

20.2%

28.9%

49.0%

-2.3%

2.1%

Another loss in Yankee Stadium, but Byung-Hyun Kim was nowhere to be found.

8

7

7

5.8

9.2

8.9

.565

.545

53.6%

21.3%

74.9%

-2.2%

-2.6%

All those injury issues around the league and Carl Crawford is healthy as a mule, playing well too. Baseball.

9

7

6

7.1

7.6

7.7

.514

.534

3.0%

6.7%

9.7%

1.5%

3.7%

Matt Wieters hit a home run then later bunted. If this sounds like a bathroom limerick, it's not, but here's a magic marker.

10

9

5

7.5

8.0

8.3

.553

.533

21.1%

24.3%

45.4%

-3.3%

3.7%

Those nine runs allowed by Barry Zito brings his total number of runs allowed on the season to ... carry the one ... about nine.

11

8

5

9.4

6.8

6.9

.551

.531

26.5%

12.6%

39.1%

1.3%

8.1%

They're hitting .395 with runners on base and .207 with the bases empty. That's no way to go through life.

12

6

8

7.8

8.2

7.7

.543

.523

51.2%

11.8%

63.0%

-1.5%

-16.9%

Their game against the Phillies resumes in the bottom of the ninth. Zack Cozart gets all night to dream about how he'll bat against Phillippe Aumont, right after a dream about showing up to third grade math naked.

13

10

4

8.7

9.3

8.2

.542

.522

3.9%

6.8%

10.7%

3.5%

4.2%

In hindsight, it was a wasted opportunity by Coors Field not to build snowmen into all the empty seats.

14

7

6

7.4

6.6

6.6

.502

.522

6.0%

10.4%

16.4%

-1.6%

-1.4%

Chris Getz had the most plate apperances without a home run (925) in Royals history until yesterday. That honor now falls to Jason Kendall (490).

15

7

6

8.2

7.8

7.6

.540

.520

9.7%

13.4%

23.1%

-3.1%

-4.4%

All things considered, a snowy doubleheader in Denver with extra innings only ranks as a 7.4 on the Metropolitan Emotional Scar Scale.

16

8

6

5.8

5.8

5.7

.495

.475

31.6%

24.8%

56.4%

-1.7%

-6.8%

I know it's just one game, but how did Dan Haren allow seven runs to a team that hadn't even scored seven runs total in a three-game stretch since April 5-7?

17

5

7

4.6

5.2

4.9

.454

.474

10.1%

13.4%

23.6%

-3.1%

-0.4%

If Ubaldo Jimenez has turned a corner, then he keeps turning corners around the factory where they make E.R.A.

18

4

10

4.4

5.7

5.8

.453

.473

17.0%

23.2%

40.2%

-5.2%

-22.9%

With the highest collective starter ERA (5.80), have they considered seeing if Jered Weaver can throw left-handed?

19

6

8

6.1

6.2

5.7

.450

.470

4.2%

9.0%

13.3%

2.1%

-4.2%

Adam Dunn currently has more strikeouts (17) than total bases (13), plus he's only walked twice.

The assisted Suicide crack was amusing, but with Prince Fielder hitting behind him and having just earned Player of the week honors for his smoking bat, not pitching to Miggy isn't really an option. You shoulda saved that joke for when Stanton heats up.

So is this list going to follow BCS rules (for want of a better word) and keep Atlanta and Detroit 1 & 2 until their matchup at the end of the month?