The KSK Guide To Getting A Tattoo If You Are A Professional Athlete

News dropped today that former Patriots running back Stevan Ridley celebrated inking his one-year deal with the New York Jets with some ink of his own. And while the tattoo design itself is very detailed and good-looking, Bart Hubbuch is right when he notes that the tattoo is ill-advised, given the fact that there is no inherent guarantee that Ridley will be on the Jets’ roster one year from today.
This offers us at KSK a unique opportunity to lend a hand by creating a foolproof guide to tattoo designs and best practices for pro athletes, as a quick google search reveals that no such how-to guide exists.

DO

Remember that a tattoo is permanent. If you are getting a team logo tattooed on your body, are you truly passionate about the team? If you are traded, will the tattoo still carry meaning for you even as your career there ends?

DON’T

Get a tattoo of a team logo during the offseason right after that team signs you.

DO

Feel free to get sentimental. Tattoos honoring family, friends, and teammates you share special relationships with are always appropriate and meaningful no matter what happens in your football career.

DON’T

Ever get a tribal tattoo unless you weigh at least 300 pounds.

DO

Celebrate your achievements and the achievements of your team with tattoos, as this is a great way to commemorate important events in your life and look back on them fondly as you grow older.

DON’T

Get a tattoo of one of your own record breaking statistics unless you’re 100% sure you won’t break it again, or alternatively, are cool with crossing the stat out and updating it as you go.

Tattoo a helmet design on your face and a jersey and number on your torso instead of wearing your actual jersey and helmet in an effort to become more aerodynamic. You will not be able to wear the requisite padding required by the NFL, and will therefore be fined.

DO

Leave room for improvement! Any tattoo commemorating a championship win should have a radius of blank space around it so that in the event you win another one, you can add to the tattoo at a later date.

DON’T

Be that guy who gets a “2019-2020 NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP WINNER” tattoo before the season even starts. Come on. Nobody likes that guy.

DO

Be aware of context. Linemen who wear the number 69 should think twice before getting a tattoo of their own number.

DON’T

Forget to double-check spelling! Everybody remembers that fateful day Dan Snyder visited a DC area tattoo shop to get a “Go ‘Skins!” tattoo, but left with a “FUCK YOU FUCKING FUCK” tattoo and a crude drawing of a penis across the small of his back.

DO

Feel free to disregard the above rules in this guide if a tattoo’s meaning to you is strong enough. Above all else, the tattoo is yours, so as long as you have given it ample thought and it truly makes you happy, go for it!

You can count me among the ranks of people who don’t understand the point of tattoos at all. Never once have I considered anything so important or meaningful or cool that I’ve thought “yeah, that seems like something I’d like permanently displayed on my body.”