Watching last night's episode was a bit like an anthropological study into the male mind, no? I have now watched - and rewatched - all two hours and I am no closer to understanding the motivations and intentions of each man. Well, every guy except Jake. Jake may be cheesy and little stiff, but he appears lovingly predictable, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Maybe not husband material, but he'd make a good neighbor...(can you tell I'm still fixated on the neighbor thing?)

What the hell even happened on "The Men Tell All"? Was the purpose of the show to talk about the men's dating history with Jillian, or to extrapolate on what dudes do when dudes are around other dudes? Is this show "The Bachelorette" or is it a casting call for this generation's "Animal House"? I mean, seriously. The first part of the show didn't even involve Jillian (I'm talking about after the whole Chris Harrison sit-down, post Molly and Jason-filler that encompassed the first 45 minutes). It was more about the men's relationships with each other. David v. Juan? Everyone v. Jake? The world v. Wes?

And speaking of Wes, why wasn't he there?! Does ABC not have some type of contractual obligation in place that ensures every single man MUST attend the "Men Tell All" part of filming, regardless of what a "cheese ass" (using David's word here) they made of themselves during primary filming? I have a feeling the reason Reid wasn't on the show will become obvious next week (what a preview!), but Wes? What, was he too busy promoting his album in Chihuahua, Mexico?

Okay, anyways, this episode left me with more questions than answers. I did enjoy David's complete lack of insight into his behavior toward Jillian on the Vancouver date. (did he really use the word 't*ts'? Who does this?? Where did this dude grow up? Icky, icky). His denial reminded me of more male clients than I'd like to remember that I've worked with in the past; being a female therapist while working with a male client can be both challenging and mind-numbingly frustrating. I think I might employ the use of a studio audience if I ever go back into practice, just to prove to my client(s) that no, I'm really NOT making this stuff up. Being respectful to women is a BIG deal, and guys need to be a little big more aware of their behavior. David is definitely primed for some kind of Anger Management class in the future (I'm setting the over/under at about two years) and is totally the type of guy to give the moderator a hard time during group counseling. Ah, collusion at its best.

And perhaps one of the biggest questions of the night (between Brian and I, at least) was "Should Jake have gone back?" I'm a solid proponent of yes, absolutely. Jillian needed to know that it was Wes who had the girlfriend, and Jake was doing the right thing. Brian, on the other hand, seems to understand this mysterious idea called 'Man Code' and believes wholeheartedly that Jake was in clear violation of It. He didn't really explain his rationale, but between bites of his chow mein from Panda Express, he kept muttering something about, "Bros before hoes."

Yes, this is my husband.

The whole thing reminded me of the time I spent working for Juvenile Justice. For those who don't know, I spent three years working on a mountain with juvenile offenders at a correctional facility. It literally was on a mountain - +8500 ft elevation, remote location, 50 miles from my house. All of the juveniles were male, and the camp housed 100 boys at any one time. The camp also employed 40+ probation officers to oversee the boys, and one therapist to handle any mental issues. One therapist - that would be me. Aside from two secretaries and the occasional female probation officer, I was very much the lone representative of the XX chromosome in camp. I would often tell people that by the end of the day, I felt like I had 36 husbands and 100 children. And not surprisingly, I never quite fit in. I was unable to offer my opinions when the conversation turned to sports. I felt uncomfortable listening to dating stories. No one wanted to talk about US Weekly or the Food Network. A good common ground was usually the weather, and thankfully, that topic was ever-changing. Heck, even if the topic was work-related, I always came across as the bleeding heart liberal because I wasn't in favor of corporal punishment and refused to believe that 'might is right.' The insane amount of testosterone repelled my more delicate balance of estrogen and progesterone, and I frequently had NO IDEA what half of the POs were thinking. Many situations in camp, however, involved this elusive concept of the Man Code, and as I sat through staffings, I tried to grasp this idea. Why were they speaking a language I didn't understand? How did I miss out? Is this Code transmitted on the Y chromosome? Is it learned?

Juan is the best evidence to suggest Man Code is more of a learned behavior. According to the other men, Man Code does not exist in Southern California, where Juan hails from. Does that extend to Las Vegas? How much of the US Southwest is affected by this absence of Man Code? I was able to glean (accurately, per Brian) that there is a hotbed of activity of Man Code in the Midwest. How much of Man Code is geographically-related? Is Ohio the mothership of Man Code?

During the whole episode, I kept looking down at my burgeoning belly thinking, "Does Man Code exist in there? Already?" Despite the fact that I essentially am keeping this baby alive through my very existence, Brian is already the clear favorite of our child. While I provide nothing more than oxygen-rich blood and nutrients, this kid is never more excited than when Brian is talking to my stomach. Not me, his life source, but Brian, his 'buddy.' Whether Brian is talking about the depositions he took that day or the Packer's prospects this year, Baby B kicks, wiggles, and jumps around at the sound of his voice. Me? Not so much. I'm lucky to get a kick or nudge throughout the day. Maybe this is how Man Code starts?

Clearly, this is a subject that requires further research. To my relief, Jillian skipped over the copious amounts of testosterone on set that day and completely ignored the idea of Man Code. She didn't offer many clues as to how the show will finish out (Kiptyn? Ed? REID?), but said "she" was happy with the ending. "She," not "we." Freudian slip or possible clue? With those last few seconds of the preview flicking on Reid, holding a small gold band (he must not have received the same allowance the other two got to buy some gi-normous sparkler for a possible proposal), it appears he makes some kind of appearance in finale.

All reports seem to indicate that Jillian picks Ed, and I think that's accurate. I mean, based on what we know about our needy, clingy leading lady, Ed fits the bill. He left her, struggled in the bedroom, and was WAY drunk at a rose ceremony, something Jillian found 'adorable.' Yes, these are fantastic signs of a potential future mate. Is she like, an emotional cutter?

I give up. But maybe Jake will be the next 'Bachelor'? Fingers crossed.