(Closed) I don’t know what to do

I am getting married in about 7 months. Lately I have been feeling so depressed. I think it’s mostly from my fiance’s mother. She can be so cruel. You have to make sure you do everything right for her and sometimes that isn’t even enough. She thinks her daughter is everything. It’s all about her. When I go to spend time with them, that’s all she ever talks about is her daughter. I feel like dirt when I’m around her. I told my fiance several times how I feel and he says that none of that is important and that I am marrying him and nothing else matters. I wish we could have a better relationship. I do a lot for his family but I am not about to kiss her ass for her to like me. Another problem is my fiance has a bit of a temper. I know that he would never hurt me but I’m afraid. I feel like I need to make things easier for him so he won’t get upset. I feel sometimes like he is like his mom. Sometimes he can be cruel. Not to me but to other people. Maybe I being to critical. I am not perfect. I just worry about my life with him and whether or not I will be happy. But I can honestly say that he tries for me. If I think there is a problem or I don’t like something that he does, he will try to do things right the next time. I feel like I am all over the place. I can not be happy. I am not excited to plan the wedding. It’s hell for me. Everytime my mom ask something about the wedding, my mother in law and her daughter pops in my head and I immediately begin to feel depressed. Please help. Any advice would be great!!

I’m very concerned that you say you’re afraid of your Fiance and that you feel like you have to make things easy for him so he won’t get upset. You need to have a very long, hard HONEST look at your Fiance and your relationship because it sounds like you’re making excuses for bad behavior. Are you? While he may try to please you now, that may not always be the case and believe this – if he can be cruel to other people and not feel bad about it – he can absolutely be cruel to you too. These kinds of things tend to get worse, not better. I’m sorry, but its true. Please think about if this is what you want for your future.

As for the Mother-In-Law and SIL – I’m not quite sure what it is that they’re doing that upsets you so much? Are they negative about your wedding? You? How are they cruel?

That is a tough situation to be in. You say his mom is cruel and he can be cruel. How would you feel if that cruelty was aimed at your children. It is not just about you, but also about any children you bring in to the family. I know a few situations where children from their daughter are treated differrntly than the other grand kids. I am not trying to scare you, but your comments made me very concerned for you. Marriage is hard even when you start at a perfect base. Just think about what you want and how you deserve to be treated.

I think maybe you know what to do. I think it is going to be hard to do it. Listen to your gut. It will steer you right. That face that you posted this shows that you know something is not quite right,

Have you thought about going to counseling with your fiance? I don’t want to tell you what to do, but I think you need to ask yourself if you’re really ready to marry this guy. I really hope everything works out for you!

I second going to counseling, either by yourself or with your Fiance. Yes, the future mother-in-law relatioship is worrisome, but it’s the current relationship with your Fiance that raises a bigger red flag.

I know you say the wedding is 7 months away, but forget about that for now. Really focus on what you want. Talk with a counselor about this. I feel like you are setting yourself up for something that you know is not quite right, (or at least not right now). No one should feel like they need to walk on pins and needles with her spouse.

I agree with PPs. Do you really want to sign yourself up for a life of walking on eggshells to please someone who you know is capable of cruelty? What if you have children together one day? How do you think he would treat them?

Please get some help and see if you and your Fiance can work on these things together. If not, please make sure you are putting yourself first and make sure that you’re not putting yourself in a dangerous situation.