Do you try to look hot when you go to the grocery store just in case someone recognizes you from your blog?

I never try to look "hot" - I prefer to look COOL. However, the chances of anyone recognizing me from my blog are about as remote as me becoming the next FEMA Director. Oh wait a minute, my taking over FEMA isn't that far-fetched after all and as the father of three young children, I'm probably more qualified at handling disasters than that bozo whining before congress.

Are the photos you post Photoshopped or otherwise altered?

Not at all. My psychedelic aura was developed after years of Lysergic excess. When I die, I intend to be cremated... slowly, wrapped in huge sheets of rolling papers and passed around to be puffed on by all attendees of my wake.

Do you like it when creeps or dorks email you?

Being a creep and a dork, I find such emails redundant, really.

Do you lie in your blog?

Often. It's like a bed of clover, only with a more pungent aroma than the usual sheep shit scent.

Are you passive-aggressive in your blog?

Often. It's like a bed of clover...doo-dah.

Hey, is this like that Chinese fortune-cookie game where you add "In bed" after the fortune? So the question is, "Are you passive-aggressive in your blog - in bed?" No? Well, that's how I'm playong it...

Do you ever threaten to quit writing so people will tell you not to stop?

Yeah and it's as effective as my threats to quit smoking.

Are you in therapy? If not, should you be? If so, is it helping?

Maybe I should be in therapy - ask my clients.

Do you delete mean comments? Do you fake nice ones?

I've only deleted stupid comments. I've never faked a nice one but I'm told my partners fake nice ones all the time :((

Have you ever rubbed one out while reading a blog? How about after?

Why rub out the comment when you can rub out the commenter?

If your readers knew you in person, would they like you more or like you less?

I'm pretty sure they'd like me, more or less. Mostly less.

Do you have a job?

If you mean, "Do I have to go somewhere everyday, do something that I get paid for and then give some of that money to the government," then no, I don't have a job. On the other hand, if you mean, "Do I have to go somewhere everyday, do something that I get paid for but don't give jack shit to the government," yeah, I have one of THOSE.

If someone offered you a decent salary to blog full-time without restrictions, would you do it?

"Without restrictions?" Meaning I could do it while sitting nude in a store front window? HELL YEAH!!!

Do you usually act like you have more money or less money than you really have?

On my blog, less. In a bar, much, much more.

Does your family read your blog?

I told my family that I call my blog "The Zero Boss" and they read that. When they ask about the details not exactly being congruent, I scream "It's just a goddamn blog!", storm out of the room and slam the door.

How old is your blog?

Old enough to be moldy and stale, eh?

Do you get more than 1000 page views per day? Do you care?

I'd care if I was getting 1000 page views because then I'd expect the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse to be immediately thundering through my living room.

Do you have another secret blog in which you write about being depressed, slutty, or a liar?

Maybe if I wasn't so busy sleeping all day - with multitudes of anonymous partners - I'd have time to write that "secret blog".

Have you ever given another blogger money for his/her writing?

If you think anyone is paying for this crap, email me. We have a proposition to discuss.

Oh, me, too! I know you're busy this weekend! I'm hoping the weather there is as incredible as it is here- bright sunny days and cool, snuggly nights.

You did such a great job on this meme, Jim. I love your answers. I laughed and laughed at the bit about Jay's blog.

I need to write and find out how you are avoiding Uncle Sam :-) I'll go work on this but don't hold your breath. The weather has put me in mind of other things. These two weeks are the only reason to live in Michigan. Say hi to the wench! xoxo