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Still Alive, and 25!

After searching for his old High School love, Carolann, who was struggling with addiction and living on the streets, Ron receives an after-death communication from her.

Ron writes:
“Hello, wonder if you could help me with this. My first real lucid dream. I think it was a dream that turned into an ADC, it was SO real! It’s about an ex who recently passed away. I’ve been trying to find her, because for the past 5 years until she passed, she has been homeless and struggling with addiction on the streets of Boston. I tried very hard to find her. I was too late.”

“It started out as a regular dream; me and my family had all moved back to Florida, got some animals, but I was pissed cuz’ the dung heap was placed too close to the house, and I knew there’d be millions of flies in the house. Weird, because the only pets we have ever had were some hamsters.”

“I then realized I was dreaming by using the squiggly fingers reality check. Everything was so real, not like a dream at all. I pinched myself, and I felt my skin for REAL. No difference from real life at all, and the whole dream felt like this, all the way through it.”

“I took off, flew through the air going to Lexington green to watch the battle. Ended up looking for her, don’t know why, or how, to see her and try to get her into South bay.
Weird cuz’ I hadn’t been there for a year, even though I had spoken previously in the real world with the director about if I could bring someone in right off the street if I happened to see her somewhere. He said that would be fine, they do take walk-ins, and since she was getting SSDI (Social Security Disability Insurance), her Massachusetts health would most likely cover it.”

“I ended up first at a rehab in-patient residence in western Massachusetts. I was surprised to have gotten there, thought I had been heading for Lexington. It was a huge, modern place, like a school built in the fifties or sixties – brick, but no luck. Not a happy place, but not really a bad place either, every one just walked around, no talking. I did feel she had been there at one time, dunno why, didn’t ask anyone.”

“I think I messed up though, I was in control of the dream then, but right after I took off, I just let the rest of it happen like a non lucid dream. After that point, though, it felt far more real than a dream all the way through. I’ll know better next time.”

Gothic building (photo credit: pixabay)

“I found her in this old Gothic Kirk-bride building; another rehab, that was beautifully restored with all varnished wood inside. Very beautiful. HUGE, thousands of patients, in the Berkshires. I wandered around looking for her, till I decided to ask at the front desk. I got her room #, found her, and she was beautiful; like she was 18 years old again! And because of the rehab maybe, she had made much progress with her addiction, and was back to the person she was all those years ago, and she was happy.”

“She had back the long, beautiful hair she was always so proud of. Shiny and smooth like silk, and sweet smelling, same as it was back then. She was in her former running shape. Slim, perfectly toned, nice tan, and VERY beautiful, just like she was those many years ago. Almost made me cry, it felt so good to see her happy, even if it was just a dream.”

“She had on an Abington Green Wave track shirt with the number 25 pinned on her back. ( Her address was 25 Central St.), and these very sexy, very short cutoff denim shorts, with a few strategically placed rips. They were ragged, pockets showing, the same pair she used to wear to Nantasket Beach, over a skimpy red string bikini. She was getting ready to run, but I thought it was funny because she always wore track shorts to run in, never the denim.”

“She was in her own room, having her friend Vicki put her hair up to run. French braid (I think that’s what it’s called), It was her favorite! She promised to be back in an hour, she was going out to practice with the cross country team. She asked me to wait in the hall for a few minutes while she stretched? She said we’d have a chance to talk a little in the hall, make out a little, at least, before she went out to run.”

“After she got back, she said we could go back to her room, shower together, make love, spend hours in bed, talking, catching up, for the rest of the day and night, and into the next day if we wanted to, AND… WE REALLY WANTED TO!”

“While waiting in the hall, I got into a conversation with 3 R.O.T.C. guys about how the American military always has traditionally tried to minimize casualties. Really weird. I then went back to her room and she was gone! I ran to the door, out to the road, and to the left I saw the Abington Green Wave cross country team running on the road up a hill. I saw her running with them, could just make out the 25 pinned to her back, and those shorts!
Just before the crest of the hill, she turned left with the team onto the cross country track, and into the woods. Then she was gone!”

“I was very very sad and frustrated, started crying, because we only ended up speaking a few words together. It SUCKED, because I had some things to say to her, that I should have said long ago. I wanted to tell her how sorry I was for going into the military. I did it because I was just a stupid kid back then. I wanted to tell her that if it weren’t for what she did for me by trying to pull me out of my shell all those years ago, I probably would have been dead long ago.”

“Then… I woke up.”

“The reason I think it may have turned into an ADC is that EVERYTHING makes perfect sense in every detail. The more I think about the dream the more it makes sense,
and the more detail I remember. I have had 2 other dreams about her, both very cryptic, hard to make sense out of, but once I had this dream, the other 2 made perfect sense as well.”

“Her name was Carolann Kauppinen.”

My Response in part-
“Hi Ron. I will give you my interpretation. There is A LOT going on here. I will hit as much as I can right off the bat. So, like you said, it started out as a dream, kind of non-sensical. Then, you experienced an out-of-body experience, hence the “squiggly fingers” and “pinch test.” With your newfound wings, you took a detour and watched a battle for a minute before looking for Carolann.”

“Intuitively, you already knew where she was, so you got there and made contact. What you found was that she was restored; her age, health, beauty and happiness. She was doing what she loved to do. The cut off jeans represents that she’s changed her style a little bit.”

“So, here’s what you need to know. This was an ADC, as well as an out of body experience. You went to her though. It sounds like she is in a place where she is happy. She is probably being rehabilitated from, not what her body went through, but what her soul went through while on Earth. You met her in another dimension, where it is possible for you to meet again.”

“Because you are an Earthling, and although it looked like Carolann was leaving for a run and would be coming back, you couldn’t stay where she was for any amount of time without eventually becoming a permanent part of another world. Just know… you made contact. More accurately… she did! She is in the process of healing and restoring herself to the best self she can be. Obviously, she is aware of you and still remembers the bond you once shared.”

“25 is significant. Maybe it is her address, but more likely, she is 25 years old in her new state of being.”

“It sounds like there is some guilt for you to overcome. You can talk to her anywhere, even now, and she will perceive your thoughts and feelings. So you don’t need to wait to see her in your dreams. You are already connected wherever you are. Always! Love is the bond that holds us together.”

“Do you notice how the military keeps popping in? This is something for you to look at. Is there something left incomplete there? Even if just something to notice. Perhaps it was just that you had those regrets for going into the military. Like if you didn’t, you might have saved her life, somehow and returned the favor.”

“Hope that helps, Ron. She is in a good and happy place where she is getting the care she needs. It’s all good for her now. Take care, jade”

Ron’s response:
“This…
Is…
AMAZING!!”

“For one thing, thank you for getting back so soon! And your response has helped me a great deal! Right on the money, too. I hope you get plenty of satisfaction from what you’re doing, because it helps people, like me!”

“There are more than a few things your response helped me with. I knew from the dream that she is in heaven, because of a conversation we had years ago. The dream is exactly what we had talked about concerning our ideas of what heaven might be like. I loved old buildings, in our conversation, so I said I hope there was beautiful buildings, and THAT was in the dream! She said in the same conversation that she hoped there was a cross country team to run with and…Voila!”

“But that conversation took place over 30 years ago, and I hadn’t thought of it for years, and only she and I knew about it, so it COULD NOT have been anything else but her!!
At first I thought I saw her in heaven, but I think she was just showing me she was in heaven, because of this conversation, and because her best friend Vicki is still alive. They were track team mates, and best friends. They had a ritual before each track meet where they would put each other’s hair up to run. They both had very long hair, and THAT’S what they were doing in the dream!”

“What I just told you is just the tip of the iceberg. I just really wanted you to know how accurate your interpretation was, and to say…
THANK YOU!!”

Commentary- Many times, we drag around the old pain of guilt and regret from our past; things we said and did or didn’t say and do, like it is permanently attached to us. Can you imagine how much energy this takes, as we travel through the time and space of our lives? And sometimes… we have gotten so used to it, that we don’t even realize we are carrying it around anymore, as it becomes just a part of our lives, until we become aware it is even there… living behind us in the past.

Ron, being aware of an incompletion from his past with Carolann, experienced some of this guilt and regret. So much so, that when he heard about Carolann’s misfortune, he actively searched for Carolann again on the internet, as well as the streets of Boston, so he could help her. But it was too late.

It’s amazing to me how a little bit of communication with our deceased loved ones and some understanding goes a long way to begin our healing process. And, for me, this is the point that I am trying to demonstrate as I include the email exchange between Ron and myself. Of course, I was delighted to give Ron my interpretation and I’m so glad he found it comforting, as well as, accurate too. But I loved Ron’s response to my email. You can actually hear both, his relief and excitement through his written words. You can hear that Ron’s past has been instantaneously healed in one fell swoop, as all the puzzle pieces of his past experiences with Carolann; the dreams of her, as well as the interpretation for these dreams, came together in an instant, as ONE. And voila! As Ron puts it. In that moment… Ron “got” what needed to be “gotten” in his realization with Carolann’s visitations. And, as a result… Ron’s past with Carolann was instantaneously completed and healed!

This was Carolann’s parting gift to Ron. And, Carolann’s thanks to Ron, for caring about her, and looking for her to help her out. You are a kind soul, Ron.

While alive, who knows if Carolann knew of Ron’s appreciation for her and the ways she once kept him alive? Could she know how important she was to Ron, and the many others who loved her and worried about her along the way? Could she know what a gift she was to those who crossed her path in life? She knows now.

Carolann’s heaven (photo credit: pixabay)

Life can be, both strange and wonderful. Although we see that Carolann’s life had gone from “good” to what some would consider as”bad”, we see that despite what she went through, in what seemed to be her most difficult times on Earth, she is better than ever now! Ron and all who care for Carolann can rest assured knowing that she is in a really good place in her existence, now.

17 thoughts on “Still Alive, and 25!”

Wow you really made a nice post with this, thank you !
Keeps making sense, too.
The reason she didn’t want to talk much possibly is because of a promise we made all those years ago. We decided that when we were with each other, the outside world had no place. No talk of bad things, anyone else’s problems but our own. We knew our time together would be limited because of my going into the service, and we wanted to make the best of it.
She knew I would want to ask her what happened to her, and besides her not wanting to relive it, I believe she was also just keeping that promise we made all those many years ago about talking of bad things. Even in death.

You’re welcome! Thanks for submitting your ADC. 🙂 Yes, you are probably right. On a soul level, people are deep down, pretty much who they are in death, as they were in life. Ron. I just want to tell you how moved I am that you tried to find her when you heard of her fate. I wish more people were like you. Thank you for your compassionate. You did a good thing. This is who you are at a soul level.:)
I sense that you and Carolann have a soul connection from before this life. Many times, if not in every case, going through difficult times in life is just part of our soul’s plan to experience a variety of perspectives, so that we may learn, grow and evolve our soul selves. Taking the long view… all is good. 😉

Well now, in thinking of what I think you said above about past lives, I can make a seemingly small observation that may be important. I mentioned earlier something about not having anything bigger than 2 hamsters, I know for a fact that in the dream and in real life, that statement is true. Ore maybe in one life, or one particular reality.
However, in real life, or should I say in another reality that I’m aware of perhaps, at this moment in my everyday perception of reality, at this particular moment in time, what I know is that I Grew up with many animals, because in THIS life, my Mom was a professional AKC kennel manager, a real pro, who also took in strays, got them healthy, and found good homes for them thru her many contacts, which included working with every vet in Plymouth county that she knew.
So what I’m trying to say in a very long winded way is that in this life I grew up with hundreds of different dogs. But I know from the dream and in one particular life, the only pets I ever had were two hamsters.
So how can two almost completely opposite statements both be true at the same time ? The most logical answer, perhaps the ONLY answer, in my limited understanding is this is either something from a past life, or more than one reality existing at the same time.
My leaning, and I’m not sure why, is that though I do belive that reincarnation is part of existence, I think this particular occuracne may have been my glimpse into the existence of many separate realitys, all existing at the same time, OR that in our lives after death, all of the boundaries between separate realitys disappear, producing a single reality for all of us, living or dead.
One reality, one body of knowledge, one source of love that this total reality is part and parcel of and maybe perhaps this UNIVERSAL love is really all there is. In my gut, as a believer I feel is that these realitys include heaven and hell, though maybe not in the way we’ve all been taught growing up. And possibly this one universal thing, this universal knowledge, this one totallity, is God and His love for everything he created. Maybe they are one in the same, maybe this is…all the entirety of existence. You know, what it’s all about.
I think that in her own way this was her showing me a glimpse into this totality.
And simply knowing, this experience, this expanded view of things, is just what I needed, given my family’s tribulations over the past few years , and just exactly what I needed at this point in time.
Nothing new or different that what she did in life for me, really. She
was always pushing me to,overcome the limits of my mental ilness. ( Severe clinical depression, severe social anxiety. ) Thats my formal diagnoses. And I think that in an instinctive,mway she understood this, even though I didn’t really understand this myself at the time. She was like that, she seemed to have a natural feel for giving people what they needed.
You’re absolutely right, the more I think about and experience in and throughout this ” Dream ” , the more it keeps making sense.
And by the way, this is probably why she came after. Because Me being the ultimate nerd, I never would have had the juice to even ask her out.

And by the way, my search for her was not a physical one, me being in a wheelchair for a good part of the time. It was an Internet search in my part, including contacting her family, some of her friends from high school, and Vicki her best friend,min high school, who is still alive, and living over the New Hampshire border, not far from Boston, who did do a physical search when she had the time of the streets of Boston for me, and for her.
The probability of her being in jail at this time may be part of the reason we didn’t find her. And the truth is to,, though you may think less of me for it, is that I’m married to an amazing women, have been for 26 years.
My intentions were nothing but honorable however.mJustbsomething Imfelt Imhad to do,,regardless.

Yes, I know that it was also an internet search. When I googled her to find out the spelling of her name, (there were two spellings that you included in the original email), I saw your searches and posts. I thought that was adorable. You really went the extra mile! 🙂 I have no negative judgment of you, married or not, I think what you did for another soul was honorable. I think you are awesome to follow what you needed to do. And… your wife must be a wonderful woman, too. 🙂

Thank you for sharing your amazing experience Ron! You have no idea how much this helps. I am so happy for you. It’s funny how things fall into place..isn’t it? Everything you said is so insightful. It’s nice to know that people like you and Jade still exist. People like you help restore my faith in humanity. I am sure no one is going to think any less of you, if anything you sound chivalrous and benevolent 🙂

Thank you for your very kind comments.
What I still don’t know is how she passed. The family Is being very mysterious about it, and they never even published an obituary. I found out thru a Facebook post her sister put up. Not judging, I like to keep in mind there are two sides to every story, but in my gut there’s something not quite right, and I know how an addiction can mess up a family, so I’m not judging.
Theyhad a memorial get together which I went to, but I didn’t feel right in prying.
I guess her brother has her ashes, and they will be buried together when he passes. I first learn a little about her life after we broke up from a blog written by someone staying at the Woods Mullen shelter in Boston.
Heartbreaking, because in it she had been beaten and raped. Common occuracne for homeless women, and the police in Boston don’t do much about it.

In case anyone is wondering, here is what started everything.
I was just fishing around the net one night, looking for people I once knew, and I found this.
It’s from a site called The Spare Change News.
Run by a homeless man on his cellphone in Bostin.
Horsford was her married name.
Spare Change News
Vol. 23

About Carol Ann At Woods Mullen, 2011
From a blog kept by a homeless women staying there.

There’s a woman who has been staying at the Woods Mullen shelter off and on since since I came to Boston in 2008. Her name is Carol Ann Horsford. She disappeared maybe six to nine months ago but reappeared a few months ago.
I guess she has struggled with addiction in her life but told me she was committed to sobriety when she came back to the shelter a few months ago. When she came back she secured contract bed #3 for herself, Glendoria’s old contract bed.
Carol Ann came into the shelter a few nights ago, Wednesday night I believe and was all bruised up crying and upset and told me that she’d been raped and beaten by her former best friend, Dominic Caraballo-sp? This man stays at St. Francis.
After She was busted up she went to the police to report it and on the way back She was harassed behind the cabstand by a “goon” that Dominic had sent after her once he caught wind that she was going to the police to report him. Not that they’ll do anything about it ! They never do.
I felt so bad for Carol Ann, she was very distraught. She is such a nice person. Sweet.
She told me that she was going to stay with her brother in Brockton, the same one who is her payee for a while to hide out from Dominic.
Carol Ann walks with a cane and gets SSDI. She had designated her brother as her payee. She said that he’s been stealing her money and she has to beg him just to get a few bucks here and there.
Don’t know if that’s true, but sometimes she tells little fibs like we all have to sometimes, just to get by, not that much tho.
Carol Ann got a trash bag and cleaned out her locker before she left. she also gave me her portable CD player because she recently got an MP3 player.
She is married I think, though her husband is very sick with some kind of terminal illness, he may be at Boston Medical Center, I forget.
cell number is #857-312-6725. Carol Ann has let me use her phone two or three times tops in the past few months.
Carol Ann used to be very very heavy and in the past year or so has dropped a great deal of weight. I think she said she’s five feet ten, used to weigh over 300 pounds and is now down to a little over two hundred. She looks great. I guess she used to run track in school played sports a lot. Used to be cheerleader maybe.
I encouraged Carol Ann to be safe, don’t go to report anything to anyone alone. I gave her a hug before she left, I asked her if she’d be back, she didn’t know.

I know exactly how you are feeling Ron. My boyfriend passed away under mysterious circumstances too. There are times when I feel absolutely helpless. I just seek solace in the fact that he is with God now, probably doing all the things that he always loved just like Carolann! I mean just think about it, her suffering is over. She finally found happiness:)Kudos to you for taking a stand and deciding to help her out, Not many people would do what you did. I am sure she will always look out for you just like you looked out for her:)