Elliatt Dress at the Crossroads

The prettiest of Spring is here once again and I think about how far my life has come.
I still have the same home, the same friends, the same going out habits, the same car. The main difference I find is that I say no to many things now, I choose how to spend my week, I don't feel obliged to go out with a friend, I can imagine what would happen to me more clearly if I chose this or that (my behavioural and social patterns I can detect now), I also know that time purely heals at all.

I'm sadly at a crossroads at my life, I want to confess everything on my blog, on my facebook on my instagram but I try to keep it discreet for other parties involved. I find I'm talking to myself asking 'What do I do' and how to find the courage to cross this path. Truth is, I realised I've been faking my happiness over the past few weeks and I'm trying to come to terms with picking loneliness over faking happy feelings. I didn't mean for it to happen, nor did I know this was the definition but I knew once I woke up last Saturday and I was already crying.

I almost destroyed myself on that Saturday because I was on a rampage to forget my troubles. Come Sunday and I regret it all, vowing never to put myself in danger again for my friends or family's sake.

Recover Recover, what a vicious cycle especially since my Saturday rampage. I want to banish all the sad memories that have come by. Step by step, day by day I am trying to find my laugh again, my smile, things that make me feel beautiful and make me do my silly dances and my lame jokes.
I will find it again, I always do. This time I have to kick my demons to the kurb. I'm sick of writing about sad stuff and how sad I am. I was never like this, dragging my sadness around. Have to find my happiness again....
Shaking it off, I will have to feel it whilst listening to music extra happy like The Beatles, Frank Sinatra or The Temptations and playing with my dogs. Shake it off, shake it off.

4 comments
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I would say picking loneliness is better in the long run... I'm not gonna say anything condescending or 'I know how you feel' cos I don't, but, I guess, I can say, I think you are amazing, and happy music, or, dwelling in sad music, is pretty good therapy. On another note, what a beautiful outfit Natalie! I love the lipstick. xox

I have a full-time job, I have a husband, I have two dogs, I read alot and watch too much TV. But in my spare time I like to blog (and hike). Here you'll find ramblings about my hikes, outfits I choose, events I attend and the food I've eaten (which is alot).