Question

Problem with MIL

Share

My husband has two children from his first marriage and we have a son together. The problem I have is that my husband's mother treats his two from the first marriage differently than she does our son.
They are all three her grandchildren. A few examples: This past Thanksgiving she gave both of my husband's daughters a gift and $20.00, but my son received nothing. There has been an noticeable difference in 2/3 Christmases between what our son received and what my husband's daughters received...this is just a few of the situations that I have experienced. How do I handle this? I don't want my son hurt he's only 3 now, but before long he will notice the difference. Suggestions please.

Mom Answers

I have experienced a similar situation with my mother in law. I have two children, my husband has two children, we have two together and I have two step children from my first marraige that I have custody of. My mother in law only bought gifts for my husband's two children and our oldest. She brought these gifts and gave them to them with all of the children there so only 3 out of 8 children had gifts to open. My husband spoke frankly with her and told her that we expect all of the children to be treated equally and if she can't buy gifts for all of them do not bring gifts at all. We have not had any other problems since then and I hope that we don't.

well, MIL's are just annoying as they can be... mine is a hard pill to swallow, but she doesn't mess with me, she knows better...but she hasn't had the decency to meet one of her grandkids (not my kid), my husband's nephew. My husband's brother got married and had two kids, he and his wife are now separated, or divorced, and he has left the children, moved 300 miles away with his MAMA and never looked back...She is yet to meet the youngest one and he is one year old... when she came down to meet my baby 8 days after he was born she didn't go see her other grandkids, when she came down again i offered to take her but she refused, she's the devil with gray hair! who does that???
your "DH" has to talk to her, men have to understand that once they are married their holy momma gets DEMOTED, only God comes above the wife!

Youe DH needs to speak up! He needs to make it perfectly clear that she treats ALL THREE of the children the same, or she won't see them any longer. She's a grandparent, not a parent, so she really has no rights to the children other than what the two of you allow. if you continue to allow her to do this, she will. I would have nipped this in the butt after the first holiday gathering and told her the guidelines.

We had a similar experience. We told my MIL to either be fair with the gifts or do not give gifts at all. The first few times we actually respectfully declined gifts on my stepchild behalf because she did not respect our request. Finally she got the msg and now both kids receive equal gift cards.

ya id get my husband and go straight to my mil! id tell her "equal or none!" man theres alot of posts on here about mil's...they are just annoying alota times! they just cant let their boys love another woman! they get this weird jealousy thing goin on!

My mom wanted everything Even-Steven so no one felt left out. I think her family doted on my OS & I cuz they didn't want us to feel bad that our bio dad left, not because they had ill intentions towards my YS. I also think my dad's family meant well, having come into our lives later than the average gparent. Its like they didn't want to get hurt my gma.
I'm a mom now & I think you shouldn't stress. If you do end up saying something, don't go on the attack. Try to see that she's not trying to slight you or your son. I can say this only because I'm on the outside & she's not MY MIL! haha!
My MIL raised her 2 sons "fair" & when DH was selected to play soccer w/ a travel team, his gma paid for him ($2K). My MIL demanded she also give his bro $2K for no reason but because it was "only fair".
My dad's fave phrase growing up "Life's not fair. If life were fair, there wouldn't be any blind kids." It's not a bad lesson to learn young & it will help a TON when he's grown.

As a child from a broken home myself, I can certainly understand your concerns for fairness and equality. I am the 2nd of 4 children - my older sister and I are from my moms first marriage and my younger sisters are my mom and stepfathers. My dad is actually my stepfather as my bio dad has always been absent, and he's been with my mom since I was 2.
Having been on both the receiving and the seemingly idle ends, I can honestly say that I never really noticed until my mom would cause a scene. At this point, my parents do not speak to either sides of the family because of this.
***I'm going to continue my point in another post because I'm running out of space and I can't figure out how to shorten it :-0***

This Internet site provides information of a general nature and is designed for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your own health or the health of your child, you should always consult with a physician or other healthcare professional. Please review the Terms of Use before using this site. Your use of the site indicates your agreement to be bound by the Terms of Use.

This site is published by BabyCenter, L.L.C., which is responsible for its contents as further described and qualified in the Terms of Use.