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Topic: FSIL has no manners! (Long) (Read 5274 times)

BG: BIL (Adam) met FSIL (Eve) after a nasty breakup. She was only 18 (he was in his late 20's) but we all assumed she was a rebound fling. She quickly gets pregnant, and much to our dismay, they are engaged soon after. Her baby shower was thrown by my MIL, and Eve turned it into a nightmare, daily posting nasty comments to guests on Facebook, obnoxiously long registry, etc. the shower was held in another state and thus we declined the invitation. We were going to send a gift, but her demands on Facebook got so offensive that we ultimately not to.

The baby is born 3 months early and is in the NICU in critical care, it was really touch and go for the first week and we were all concerned. This didn't stop Eve from posting pictures of him almost hourly on Facebook! It was so inappropriate, he was so small and sick looking, in an incubator, tubes coming from his nose and mouth, eyes covered... We honestly didn't know if he was going to make it, and here she is posting literally dozens of pics of him in his fragile state. Thankfully, he pulled through and is now a happy and rambunctious 2YO.

She soon gets pregnant again, and since DH and I have since moved across the country, we were not invited to the second baby shower. When the baby was born (on time and perfectly healthy), we decided to send a gift. I found a onesie that said, "Somebody in San Diego Loves Me" (as DH and I live in San Diego), I got a matching tee shirt in a toddlers size for our other nephew, the baby's big brother. Wrapped everything nicely with a card congratulating them on the new addition and sent it off priority mail on a Monday, to arrive on Wednesday.

Wednesday comes and goes, no word. Thursday, same, by Friday afternoon (which was around 6pm on the East Coast) I was getting worried that the package hadn't arrived! I sent her a message asking if they had received it and she said that they had not! We went back and forth confirming the address etc until finally I said, "ok, well I'll send a replacement package, but just act surprised when you get it!" She said that she would.

I told my husband what happened and he (the eternal pessimist who trusts no one) said, "Just wait, in an hour she's going to text you and the package will have magically arrived." I blew him off because it just sounded too ridiculous-who would do that? Well, you guessed it, and hour later she sends me a text,"We got the package, the t-shirts are cute. We'll take a pic of them and post it on Facebook and tag you guys."

I was shocked! First of all, there was no thank you with regards to the gift. Second, what kind of person pretends not to have received a gift? My husband suggests that she got it and tossed it aside, but when I asked if they received it, was embarrassed that she hadn't sent a text or anything when she got it, so she pretended that she didn't? That's nuts right?

The clincher is that she just posted on Facebook, "I have TONS of newborn boys clothes that I'm looking to sell, message me if you're interested!"

Tacky! 99% of those baby clothes were GIFTS and now she's selling them? Also, one of our other SIL's is currently pregnant, shouldn't Eve be offering the newborn clothes to an expectant mother in our family before trying to turn a profit on her shower gifts?

To anyone who read this extremely long post, THANK YOU! This girl just drives me nuts!

The bit about not receiving the package is weird and the FB post about selling was not smart. However, she doesn't have to offer them to SIL. The stuff she's looking to sell could've come from friends or her family.

Posting on pics on FB . It may be uncomfortable or even traumatic for friends and aunts and uncles to see a sick infant but it's a great deal more traumatic to be the mother of a infant in NICU(I don't recall the heading but there was a blogpost about this but basically compassion should towards the center of the circle not radiate out ie. the parents of the sick infant need compassion an support from their parents and siblings , the grandparents thier siblings and friends they don't seek comfort from the parents) Plus as far as etiquette goes , if you don't like what someone is posting change your settings.

Long registries aren't rude.

Not opening a package is not considerate but even if they did pick it up and forget to open it thats a pretty small faux pas. Plus, they may not have even seen it....left at backdoor when they go in the front, a babysitter brought it in , a neighbor signed for it , it was under the welcome mate etc.

Announcing you're selling items on FB when someof those items were recent gifts; I do think it's tacky, but all gifts eventually are re-gifted, thrown away or donated. The issue is who gets to define "recent" , how many years should I have kept that firetruck my son got for his 3rd Bday? was 3 years since he stopped playing with it enough or should I have waited 5 years?

Passing on baby items is a nice thing to do and its close to a norm in some families but its not rude not to.

Why shouldn't she (ie the baby's parent) post photos of her child on facebook - even if he is in NICU. That's a personal decision and IMHO not rude. These may have been the only photos she ever had of her child and if she wants to show them to everyone she can (had you or another relative other than the father been posting the pictures I'd have had a different reaction)

Post thing - weird (and she definitely should have said thanks) however post can be delivered at the wrong time (or after her conversation with you spoke to Adam who says 'oh we had a packet on Wednesday I put it away/on top of the fridge/fell down the back of the sofa)

Selling on the clothes I don't see an issue with

You don't like her, and it may well be that you have valid reason to from bits you allude to at the start of the post, but it could also be that it's clouding everything she does and you find fault with it