The Dating Game: When to Stop Playing

You’re constantly thinking about them. You want to text them all day, everyday. You think about what to say… Delete. Re-write. Send.

Then you sit there holding your breathe while you wait. Looking at your phone every 2 seconds anxiously awaiting for a tiny sign that they, too, care about you.

Sometimes you get a reply. Something sweet and thoughtful even! And other times – there’s days, weeks even w/o a reply or any communication at all.

Not getting a reply to a text or email from anyone else doesn’t cause so much damage, so why are you freaking out about this one? Why can’t you be understanding and realize that life happens and sometimes people forget to reply, or get super busy.

Well, the truth is this person got under your skin. They’re getting to you because you don’t know where you stand with them. You don’t feel comfortable with your relationship, your interaction, and it’s the insecurity of it all that makes you crazy. They’re probably not even that cool of a person, but because you can’t read them or know what’s going on in their head, makes you want them. We’ve all been there. Most likely on both ends.

This person giving off the mixed signals most likely doesn’t even realize that they’re doing it – or if they do – they just don’t care enough about it. So…why keep trying to figure them out? Why allow yourself to live in that anxiety, in the “unknown” zone? The reality is that this guy or girl just doesn’t care enough to give you what you need. They’re too busy, too detatched, too unavailable. Or just uninterested. Yes, uninterested. In you. In a relationship with you.

Sucks… Hurts. But that’s the truth.

So, before wasting months or years playing this cat & mouse game with someone who’s not worth your time – stop this cycle. Realize that you’re important and deserve someone’s consistent attention. Consistent affection. You deserve to be heard, to open up to someone and have them acknowledge your needs, wants, and dreams.

Yes, you may have had a great date, few dates, months of dates even – but the truth is that they’re not setting the tone for a relationship. They’re not consistent, reliable, or available. Do you really want to waste your energy thinking about and chasing someone who’s just not into you?

Now, I also have to throw out there that the way he or she is with you may not be how they are in general. They may be people of great character, and very consistent with other people in their lives. But! They’re s till not with you. Take that as a big sign and move on.

Timing plays a huge role in our lives and in our relationships. Accept the reality of the situation and keep moving forward. That anxious feeling of uncertainty isn’t the butterflies of being in love. It’s the opposite. It’s the misery of not having your love reciprocated by someone you care about.

There’s nothing you can do to make someone ready for a relationship and giving more of yourself won’t make them all of a sudden want a relationship with you.

Love,

~M

marina

About Marina Lavochin

Why I’m obsessed with James Bond…

Growing up in Russia and in a religious family I had very limited access to tv or movies. My dad loved the James Bond movies and a few other series like Crocodile Dundee and Harrison Ford. James Bond was my favorite.

He’s always in control, very simple classic attire, doesn’t say much but speaks with purpose, and has a mission that no woman can get in the way of.