B: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Saddam-Al Qaeda connection! I've got a lovely fresh WMD for you if you show...(owner hits the cage)

T: There, he moved!

B: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!

T: I never!!

B: Yes, you did!

T: I never, never did anything...

B: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO Saddam-Al Qaeda connection!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!(Takes Saddam-Al Qaeda connection out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)B: Now that's what I call a dead Saddam-Al Qaeda connection.

T: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

B: STUNNED?!?

T: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Creamy White House Stationary stuns easily, major.

B: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That Saddam-Al Qaeda connection is definitely deceased, and when I purchased that letter if not five-years ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

T: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the WMD's.

B: PININ' for the WMD's?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

B: Look, I took the liberty of examining that Saddam-Al Qaeda connection when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.(pause)T: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that Saddam-Al Qaeda connection down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

B: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this Saddam-Al Qaeda connection wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! E's bleedin' demised!

T: No no! 'E's pining!

B: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This Saddam-Al Qaeda connection is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-SADDAM!!(pause)T: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter)

T: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of Saddam-Al Qaeda connections.

B: I see. I see, I get the picture.

T: I got a Iran.(pause)B: Pray, does it have WMD's?

T: Nnnnot really.

B: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?T: Well! I never wanted to do this in the first place. I wanted to be... A LUMBERJACK!

Aug. 5: In a cable exclusive author Ron Suskind talks with Countdown’s Keith Olbermann about allegations in his book, “The Way of the World,” including the claim that the White House ordered that a letter be forged to draw a connection between Iraq and 9/11 even though there wasn't one.

Now, coming from the thugs that formed a group inside the Bush Grindhouse (WHIG), and also hired out a firm (The Lincoln Group) to plant lies in the Iraqi media, all the congressional hearings, all the Judy Millers and Scooter Libbys, they expect to be believed?

The Monty Python skit above may be absurd, but not nearly as what will be the pushback, already taking place, from the Bush Grindhouse.

This will be "All Hands On Deck", perhaps their most urgent need of a "Mission Accomplished" moment.

In a post on the Wonk Room, Charles Territo, the director of communications for the Auto Alliance (which represents Chrysler, Ford, and GM, among others), notes some facts McCain should keep in mind:

• The Department of Energy estimates that 1.2 billion gallons of fuel were wasted in 2005 as a result of driving on under-inflated tires.

• Fuel efficiency is reduced by 1% for every 3 PSI that tires are under-inflated.

• Proper tire inflation can save the equivalent of about 1 tank of gas per year.

• Proper tire inflation also reduces CO2 emissions.

• Experts estimate that 25% of automobiles are running on tires with lower than recommended pressure, because people don’t know how to check their tires or don’t realize that tires naturally lose air over time.

And, yesterday, Barack Obama lined up the Dead Campaign Express for one, right in the kisser.

"So I told them something simple," Obama said. "I said, 'You know what? You can inflate your tires to the proper levels and that if everybody in America inflated their tires to the proper level, we would actually probably save more oil than all the oil we'd get from John McCain drilling right below his feet there, or wherever he was going to drill.'"...

"So now the Republicans are going around -- this is the kind of thing they do. I don't understand it! They're going around, they're sending like little tire gauges, making fun of this idea as if this is 'Barack Obama's energy plan.'

"Now two points, one, they know they're lying about what my energy plan is, but the other thing is they're making fun of a step that every expert says would absolutely reduce our oil consumption by 3 to 4 percent. It's like these guys take pride in being ignorant."

It's getting to the point where someone is going to have to walk up on whatever stage Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain happens to be on and just take the microphone away from him, tell him to shut up and go sit down.

It's not an updated version of the Southern Strategy, and while he has gone negative, and has a boatload of Karl Rove spawn aboard the Dead Campaign Express (to which we may soon see a "dancing pole" installed), he appears to be eschewing a Rovian plan.

No siree, our Arizona Boy is lurching beyond the barriers, charting out new territory, setting new standards in what may be the ultimate "maverick" move;He's whoring out Cindy!

"...at a biker rally in Sturgis, South Dakota, John McCain appears to have volunteered his wife for a topless beauty pageant: McCain felt so comfortable at the event that he even volunteered his wife for the rally's traditional beauty pageant, an infamously debauched event that's been known to feature topless women.

"I encouraged Cindy to compete," McCain said to cheers. "I told her with a little luck she could be the only woman ever to serve as first lady and Miss Buffalo Chip."

As a reader emails, "Miss Buffalo Chip has 'been known to feature topless women' in the same way that Guns and Ammo magazine has been known to feature firearms." Indeed, an ESPN.com columnist describes it as "occasionally bottomless."

A - They knew all about what the Ms. Buffalo Chip contest was, and were, for the sake of the campaign, hoping Cindy would jump right into it.

B - They are clueless, had no idea of the history of Sturgis, and the Ms. Buffalo Chip contest

It's one thing, if you're stumping at a Boys Club Jamboree, or a 4H Club event, and you need to pet a goat, ride a horse, milk a cow ... Something that plays out for a good, fun photo-op that gets splashed across the wires ...

It's entirely on another level, a deep disturbing level, when you have the potential (yeah, right) next President of the United States encouraging the potential next First Lady, to don a bikini, bump, grind and gyrate (and more) to the hoots of hairy, drunken bikers for a tongue-in-cheek, excuse-of-a-contest, whose only purpose is to see bikini-clad (and less) woman, bumping, grinding, and gyrating (and more).

And, personally, I believe it was extra cruel to put Cindy on the spot like this.

Little did we know it would be petty, juvenile, slapstick, that does less to diss or mock Barack Obama, but rather brings out the ignorance of the Stumblin' Bumblin McCain Campaign, and their RWFS supporters.

In case you missed it, perhaps attempting to program your VCR for the upcoming Olympics, Stumblin' Bumblin John McCain, and the Republicans all over, are having themselves a grand old time, believing they are mocking Senator Barack Obama, for his call, during a speech on energy, to properly inflate your tires, get regular tune-ups, as a means to assist and augment saving energy.

The right wingers are making a mockery of Barack Obama's suggestion that tuning up your car and keeping your tires inflated are a couple of ways to save fuel and thereby reduce our dependence on foreign oil. They're even going to the point of handing out tire gauges at campaign events as "Obama's energy policy."

Say What?

Something as simple and benign as this, and they're dancing and laughing in the aisles of the Dead Campaign Express?

What next, what would they hand out if Obama recommended young children look both way before crossing the street?

Consider a counter-example. McCain was talking about skin cancer the other day.

McCain emphasized that skin cancer is preventable, and implored Americans to wear sunscreen, especially over the summer. What’s wrong with this advice? Not a thing. It’s a smart, sensible thing to say.

But imagine if Obama and his surrogates said the entirety of McCain’s healthcare policy is sunscreen application. McCain doesn’t really care about cancer, they could argue, he just wants everyone to run out at get some SPF 30. Those vying to be Obama’s running mate started holding up bottles of Coppertone during their speeches, saying things like, “We want you to wear sunscreen, you know, it will very mildly improve your chances of not getting sick. But wearing sunscreen is not a healthcare policy for the United States of America.”

This, of course, would be insane. And yet, that’s pretty much what’s become of Republican campaign rhetoric of late.

Jesus, talk about manufacturing a phony issue - and they manage to screw it up, on top of it!

It's "the tell" that the "tire gauge" strategy was pre-planned, not as an afterthought to some spontaneous prop wielded by Tim Pawlenty 48 hours ago, but, rather, that once the plan was in place, the trinkets for donors had to be designed and manufactured, while Pawlenty was sent out there as the messenger.

Since the MSM will, in all likelihood, give Stumblin' Bumblin' McCain a pass on this (perhaps adding to the wave and reach of it), we put on our Thinking Caps to come up with something that would capture the moment,

And, Taa-Daa! ... Here it is ...The Six Degrees of John McCain - From Obama's "Energy Policy" To McCain's Media Donuts

Perhaps, if we had known, we could have waited, for Herbert came back this morning, on the Morning Joke show, to further pummel McCain, pointing out, in the Celebrity Ad, the use of phallic symbols in the ad, namely the Victory Tower in Berlin, and the Washington Monument.

MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski talked with New York Times columnist Bob Herbert who has written a column criticising the GOP for exploiting race in politics. Herbert sees a racial component to the recent advertisement from John McCain’s campaign that is critical of Barack Obama’s celebrity appeal. Herbert believes that the McCain campaign included footage of the Victory Tower in Berlin as a phallic symbol in the commercial to exploit negative racial themes.

And, man, this is only the beginning of August, before the VP picks, before the conventions, and before Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain (assuming he comes out of Minneapolis with the nomination, officially) starts falling behind in the polls by double-digits.

And the day Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain eschews humor, and lets loose with his infamous temper.

Fix Iraq

About Me

J. Thomas Duffy created and lauched 'The Garlic in 2005.
Mr. Duffy is an accomplished writer, with experience as a newspaper reporter, radio writer, comedy and stand-up writer, the author of three children's books (unpublished, so far) and, and, through a good number of his writing experience, actually received payment for it.
Mr. Duffy is also a Contributing Editor on the blog, 'The Reaction' and a Contributing Writer to the blog 'The Moderate Voice.
In his spare time, Mr. Duffy likes to promulgate that is actually the dog salivating that caused Pavlov to ring the bell.