Mike Green scores, wipes out

(By Toni L. Sandys - TWP)

"It's amazing when you shoot what happens," Mike Green said on Wednesday evening, after his two goals helped the Caps notch an overtime win over the Hurricanes.

And "amazing" is certainly the right word for what happened after Green's goal. The NHL headlined the episode "Good Hands, Bad Feet," pairing it with Alexander Semin's similar post-goal mishap in a "Caps score, then wipe out" two-fer.

Green's, though, was a more special television experience, combining sheer child-like joy, comical ice-crash hijinks, weird fans, and a woman attempting to seduce her male companion on regional sports cable television. This is why we love sports, people.

The NHL video is below, and would be a much more efficient use of your time, but I prefer to break the magic into 10 parts.

Alex Ovechkin is lurking at the point, and Green -- after receiving a saucer pass from Nicklas Backstrom -- sees an opening. After the game, he told reporters that he would be shooting more with the man-advantage in an attempt to relieve some pressure from Ovechkin.

"We had the first [power play], and I had a chance to shoot, and I passed it to Ovi," Green explained. "And I mean, they're just all over him. So after that, I said I'm gonna shoot."

Manny Legace's five-hole seems pretty much secured, but by this point the puck has already nestled somewhere in that hole. And why in the name of Pete Peeters does no one ever score in the four or three or two-hole?

(While the classic five-hole story has the between-the-legs zone as the fifth possible scoring spot, the Dallas Morning News once quoted Daryl Reaugh saying "The number five in roman numerals is a V," and "if you take the V and turn it upside down, it looks like the spot between the goalie's legs.")

Like, the kind of bliss that makes you want to turn to your neighbor and attempt to make out with him, even when he'd really rather be watching the replay like everyone else.

See also: the kind of bliss that makes you want to demonstrate Hook 'em Horns, or possibly some demonic heavy metal message of death and destruction.

Wait, Mike, uh, where are you going?

Oh.

"Everything was pretty on this play other than Greenie's celebration," Craig Laughlin would later narrate. "Watch Greenie lose an edge. There he is, losing an edge....I don't think he's gonna like this celebration."

"Hey Bill? Yeah, it's Mike from Camera 2. Yeah, if you can roll to my shot, I've got two lawyers in suits, some dude wearing a green Caps jersey a full week before St. Patrick's Day, a jostled baby, and four teenagers celebrating a birthday by wearing red party hats. No, I have no idea why any of those things would be a hockey game."

Seriously you two, go get a room somewhere. The one on the right, at least. On the other hand, you've done an excellent job of distracting that guy behind you who looks like Bill Kristol. Thanks to you, he probably never even saw Green wipe out.

Actually, Dan, the game was broadcast on NHL Network, so the woman seduced her male companion in front of an entire continent, minus Mexico. Actually, I bet you can get NHL Network in Mexico. Anyways I know this because I get NHL Network here in Michigan and that's how I watched it.