For the first time since high school, almost 30 years, I will not be able to do the Christmas thing. I have never celebrated that one guy’s birthday or any other religious holiday. What I have celebrated for almost three decades has been the gathering of family and exchanging gifts. It is freaking sad!

I have a legitimate disability claim that has been in limbo for almost two years. I am unable to work and seriously live on $97 cash for everything that isn’t food per month. Most of that is for fuel to get to my doctor appointments. I got enough from recycling cans for fuel to get to see family, but the only gift I am exchanging is a sour look on my face. My beef is that my story is real and they didn’t believe it and I know people right now who receive benefits and their story was fake. My beef becomes an e coli patty when they complain about cracking the screen on their new $800 phone when they knocked it off the table while they were eating lunch at a sushi place…

People roll their eyes at me when I tell them I watch ads on my cell phone everyday, earning 2.5 cents per ad, earning a quarter a day. If you do the math for a 30 day month, that is $7.50 a month or a 7.7% increase in my monthly cash. I feel like a bobble head as I am typing this, shaking my head back and forth. You know your life is f’d up when the only reason you haven’t seen your family this month is because you used the last of the fumes in your tank to get home from the last doctor appointment…

I am so looking forward to 2 seniors, 15 adults and 4 kids squished into 2 small rooms. Mix in 5 different conversations, kids screaming, plates clanking, holiday music and football on the TV all going at once. Then add every light in every room being on, fighting over dominance of the blinking lights on the tree. This is what I like to call the perfect recipe for a sensory meltdown. I am such a huge fan that I get three of these every year. I am not saying bah humbug. I am saying don’t look at me funny and roll your eyes at me because I’m uncomfortable and in pain from the sensory overload.