This Hope I Have.

This Hope I Have.

I will admit to it. I am in therapy. And probably will be for a long time. Neglecting to deal with deep-rooted childhood issues, has come through the back door. As they always do. What brought me to this point? Is it the life rerouting choices, and inevitable consequences? Perhaps, it’s because I know, more than ever, I cannot keep going the way I have. I am not too concerned with the judgements which might come as a result of this personal admission. I do know, that I feel no shame, in publicly admitting to something so private.

There is so much work to be done. Last week, I mentioned to my therapist, that I always feel as if I am a waiting room of sorts. Waiting for my number to come up. Waiting for something amazing to happen. Waiting for a miraculous, positive event to change my life. He thought it was a huge admission. One which showed my vulnerability. He said I should own it, and appreciate the level of courage it took, to admit something of this nature.

I share this intensely personal struggle for two main reasons. Things are beginning to look different. I have learned history and old patterns, doesn’t have to keep repeating themselves. To carry on as I was, will in no doubt, lead me to more of the same. The other is to encourage anyone, within the reach of this blog, to take stock of their lives. You might not necessarily need therapy, but, there might be situations, and or people, in your circle, preventing you from moving forward.

It’s been a grueling few months. Progress is slow. Confronting behaviors, thought patterns, and actions that no longer serve any life affirming purpose, is not comfortable. I hope the time will come, when I am finally “out” of the waiting room. When tears of hurt, anger, and pain, will be replaced with those of joy and laughter. I hope to come out on the other side, and still be me, but infinitely better.