Bitter News, 2-4-09

The nation is realizing that an American record-breaking youth isn’t the perfect role model—no matter how much he’s adored as a super-human athlete. Just don’t tell that to Tim Tebow. Now South Carolina law enforcement is threatening that Michael Phelps could face criminal charges based on a photo of him allegedly using a bong and his “partial confession.” [Reuters]

So Britney’s lawyer told her that her civil rights were being violated by her spongy parents, so her parents had Britney get a restraining order against him, her manager and the creepy paparazzi guy. But now the manager is suing Britney for libel and defamation. And Spears gets stuck with all the legal bills coming and going. [BBC News]

“[T]here is no left-wing counterpart for Justice Antonin Scalia.” So some are hoping that, when the time comes, Obama will freshen up the most conservative court since 1937 with an outspoken, passionate liberal who will be the donkey version of JAS. [Slate.com]

The Lake County Bar Association is going to be publicly revealing all the tricks to being a lawyer. And once they tell them, they’ll have to kill them. [Chicago Daily Herald]

A 50-something Houston criminal defense attorney was still sponging off his dad. He was cashing his old man’s Social Security checks, even though his father died in 1996. Don’t screw with the lords of Social Security. [Houston Chronicle]