I read a lot of posts on here but mainly post under Twin Flame Dreams. I try to use other peoples posts to learn and help me on my journey, but I feel I need personal guidance. I plain need help.

Let me start by saying I am highly sensitive, generally quite intuitive and have empathic abilities. I tend to push these down and stuff them away merely because in the past it has caused me many problems. So much hurt. I never had anyone to help me figure out how to focus these ‘gifts’ which never felt much like gifts all, more like I was cursed.

In the past year, I have come to realize I am doing myself more harm than good in denying these parts of my true self. I have spent a life of battling depression, anxiety, panic attacks, agoraphobia, social anxiety, etc. I’ve done the entire medication thing for years, making myself ill in the process. I’ve spent years in therapy which is actually where I 1st learned of releasing negative energies and letting light in.

I was young and kind of thought my therapist needed a therapist. I ended up becoming born again which helped where nothing else did, partly because there were people who could explain things and were willing to. I have never known where to turn for assistance and true guidance, not unless I had a lot of money to give someone, which I don’t. If I did, I probably wouldn’t have a lot of money anymore and maybe I would or wouldn’t have been helped.

With nowhere to turn I gave up, gave in and let Drs medicate me all the wanted, to no avail. I even nearly put myself through ECT. All just so I could feel ‘normal,’ at least a normal for myself.

At any rate, I’ve been doing a lot of work this past year. And while in the past I’ve practiced candle meditation for anxiety, this past year is when I started doing meditation ‘work’. Of course, I didn’t know what I was doing and when I started crying, I mean great big sobs, I stuffed it down thinking I was doing something wrong. I since learned I shouldn’t have done that, that it was ok for that to happen and that it was a release, a cleansing and I put the brakes on it. I have been trying to get back to that, but until yesterday it has alluded me.

Yesterday I found a guided meditation on healing. I used the technique but with my visuals simply because he wasn’t working for me. I connected with my five yo self, and I cried, I told her how sorry I was that I couldn’t protect her and for all the hurt she suffered, I held her and told her none of it was her fault, that I loved her so, so much. I told her she did not need to feel responsible for what others did to her, or for other people’s happiness.

I told her there was nothing ‘wrong’ with her. That she was beautiful and loved and perfect as she is. And on and on. Tears steamed but I feel there is more. More tears, more healing. I feel I need support and guidance to move further. I feel lightwork would help a great deal as well as guidance in focusing my so-called ‘gifts.’

I have a Twin Flame. I now know who he is. He now knows who I am. Things are moving very fast to reconnecting and union. We are only doing n contact through shared dreams. Have been sharing dreams since I was 17. His name is John. I had no idea the John of our dreams was a man I became close with many years ago. This is one of many revelations that have come to me since February. This man I became close with over the Internet and through email and his name IS John, he went by JJ, and I never put 2+2 together. Even though I dreamt with him the most often while we were in contact, he had even told me back then that he could feel me against him some nights. It just never clicked. I have no idea why. I’m still in a bit of a shock over this.

Other revelations have come, some so quickly in succession that it’s left me completely off balance. I now understand ‘what’ happened and ‘how’ things got so very screwed up that despite our plans to meet in real life, it never made it that far. But I now understand. It was also a revelation to me that February 2019 will be our 20th anniversary of when we first began talking and became friends. Next summer it will be 20 years since we last spoke. That thought never came to fruition in my mind. It was like getting a pail if I’ve water dumped over my head. I lost my breath, and I’m still reeling from it.

Another revelation in the sense that I never realized JJ was John, was that John was born nearly a town away from where I lived at the time, and now I live a mere 2 hours away from where I last know of Him living and working.

I have had many more revelations in regards to us and what caused us to lose communication that is quite in-depth, and I won’t go into them here atm.

Then I’m cursing u-tube to see if there’s anything new to watch and up pops a twin flame reading. Ok, I figure if it popped up then I should probably at least give it a chance and see what happens. Holy hell. Every. Single. Thing. This girl said was like she was talking specifically to me. I had chills; my hair raised all over my entire body, I cried. I wasn’t even looking for anything remotely like that.

I believe in signs. The universe tends to show us the way when we open up and listen. So some of the work I’ve been doing, in addition to mine and John’s dreams, must be doing something.

I tend to post around, looking for JJ, hoping someone will know him or maybe in the off chance he may see the post. I know, chances of that are near nonexistent. And it’s only once every so often, sometimes years apart. So no I’m not some stalker type person. Lol, and out of the blue, this man contacts me. No, it’s not John. He is a retired private investigator who himself had lost contact years ago with his soulmate, and someone helped him to track his soulmate down, and they reconnected after six months. He said he had seen a post of mine and it spoke to his heart, his soul, and that he felt the need to reach out and offer to help me. No strings attached. He wants to ‘pay it forward.’

Another sign? I think so. Whether he’s able to help or not.

As you can see, things seem to have accelerated. There’s a lot of things converging. I feel things are moving towards John and I reconnecting, and union. But I know I still have a lot of work to do.

I need help. Plain and simple. I had read a post by- I think it was Ted, and I have felt a buzz like a feeling of energy since, throughout my entire body. It almost how one feels when they hyperventilate. Not sure how else to explain it. It’s pretty amazing.

I’ve seen others ask for and be given assistance and guidance on here; I just felt I shouldn’t ask. That other needed help more than me. But now I know I need help. Probably from more than a single individual. I need help with healing and growing. I need help with focusing my ‘gifts’ so I’m not such a mess in that area. And I’m sure I need lightwork. I could probably use some reiki as well somewhere also bg the lines but haven’t been able to find anyone willing to unless a have money. Am I wrong in feeling none of this should cost money? I understand others need to support themselves financially, I do. And if I had the funds to I would gladly give it. But what is one supposed to do when they cannot pay? Suffer? Cause I’ve done that for over 20 years now and it’s gotten me nowhere.

I want to get to a place where I can help others- no exchange of money necessary. I deserve to be happy, content and at peace. And only when I am in a better place can I help others as I feel I’m behind bg called to do.

Another sign, I got an email right before coming here to post. It must be spam, but it spoke to me, and so I followed the link to continue reading. It wasn’t asking for money or asking to sign up for anything, which I found strange. Lol, I’m honest here. And it talked about the ‘emotional Kung-fu’ of trying to handle my exact ‘gifts.’ I saved it. It just explained what this person went through, and it was like they were talking about me, about my life. And ended with how our gifts truly ARE gifts, once we learn to focus and set boundaries — nothing else. A simple message was all it was. And so I’m here. Lol, Another sign, a gentle push from the universe.

Ok, I’m sorry this is such a long post. Please if you can assist and guide me in any way, I welcome you with open arms and loving light. I don’t know how to go about connecting privately through email or text from here so others will have to guide me through that if necessary.

Thank you, every one of you, for reading this. You are lovely and exceptional.