World cup robots programmed to foul, dive and swear at ref

Computer scientists who sought to make their footballing robots imitate the world’s greatest players have come unstuck by creating a team of cheats and pampered super-egos. The programmers set the robots to observe top players from around the world in the expectation that they would copy their soccer skills, but were shocked to see their robots faking injury, demanding higher wages and crashing their sports cars while drunk.

‘The Robot World Cup has been a farce’ said one insider. ‘There have been allegations of robots taking bungs to deliberate throw a game, while the robot referee has been abused and intimidated by players shoving, spitting and zapping him with a lazer beam.’

The scientists hope had been that one day, footballing robots would be advanced enough to play a team of professionals and win. The trouble is, the way things are going we won’t be able to pay their wages.’ The English robots were knocked out on penalties in the first round and two of their star robots were later caught sleeping with robot prostitutes.