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• Hillary Clinton continued guesting on late-night talk shows, complaining about how she lost the presidential election last year. Americans should work out a deal. The North can have Hillary and the South can have the statues, and this way everyone has a Lost Cause they can celebrate.

• Antenna TV reports a surge in the number of TV viewers for the Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson re-runs. It's no secret why. The University of California just advised students that if they will watch Jimmy Kimmel all week, that's five hours of lectures they may apply to their college credits.

• New York bars reported huge business this year due to the boozy lifestyle of successful young Millennials who are having a grand old time. The National Council on Alcoholism estimates that there are twenty million functioning alcoholics in their Twenties in America. This explains karaoke.

• President Trump said Thursday he is honored by Secretary of State Rex Tillerson's statement of support but Rex didn't deny NBC's claim he called Trump a moron. Last year Trump made six hundred million dollars while getting elected president. I'll trade him my IQ for his stupidity any day.

• President Trump suggested the Senate probe fake news from the media. They truly despise him. Last month a meeting of African leaders, Trump accidentally pronounced Namibia as Nambia, and now the media is on a twenty-four hour watch waiting for him to mispronounce Niger.

• Hillary Clinton continued plugging her book What Happened on the three major network late-night talk shows last week. She's still furious she lost to Trump. No one wants to say Hillary seems a little overwrought, but she arrived at the Jimmy Fallon show on Wednesday in a slow white Bronco.

• A U.S. Senate subcommittee unanimously passed a bill to speed up the process that would allow self-driving cars to operate in the U.S. The arrival of self-driving vehicles could significantly alter our culture. It won't be long before there are country music songs about your truck leaving you too.

• Attorney General Jeff Sessions announced Thursday he's rolling back Obama-era workplace special protections for trans-genders. Ordering these protections was the last president's claim to history. President Nixon put a man on the moon, and President Obama put one in the women's room.

• The National Football League swirled in controversy Sunday over players on some teams who won't stand for the Anthem with sponsors pulling their TV commercials. Still, league marketing is smart. To jack up online sales, they send you a free can of lighter fluid with each NFL jersey you buy.

• Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban has reportedly decided to run for president. In the old days you needed a law degree, years in public service and a voting record to get elected. Now you need to host a reality show, have a billion dollars, and in two more wives, Cuban will be fully qualified.

• The Spanish government in Madrid was in turmoil Wednesday trying to find a peaceful way to handle the secession vote in the northeast province of Catalonia. Nevertheless, sometimes the jokes write themselves. Catalonia's secession vote in Spain was ruled to be undemocratic by the King.