Monday, August 23, 2010

Hi, I'm the NEW KID and I'm renovating my life. Wee! Also, which one of you hides candy in their desk?

There's always something a little different in the air when you're at the threshold of "new."

I don't know if you're breathing a little quicker, or perhaps more freely -or that "something" adds just the right dash of crispness that makes you feel a tad bit more ALIVE.

If someone had told me 6 months ago that I would be single, working at a new kick ass job- in lieu of working the multiple freelance gigs I'd worked so hard to acquire over four years, to take on a full time position at a startup in Boulder, living with a girl who I hadn't met yet- who would end up being an inspiration and a great friend, surrounded by new people, new day-to-day, with a new CRUSH....I would've told them they looked in thewrrrroooong crystal ball, sister.

I would have defiantly looked the fortune teller in the face and said, "What what about _____ (fill in the blank)___ because that isn't going anywhere." Then that "thing" that I would've vehemently defended- within a moment would be gone; the "him," the "it," the "complete," the "acquired goal." Suddenly you're the new kid again in a life you'd been working so hard to try and fit into.And you're like, wait,"Fuck...." followed by, "I wish Life included complimentary name tags and arranged movers for you the way France arranges baby nurses for new moms (FINE- I don't know if this is an actual fact, but I saw it in Sicko and I'm going with it.) And also, yay! I remember loving a good packed lunch-but who am I kidding? I'm never gonna pack a lunch. I'm totally living on Starbucks sandwiches and Powerbars."

Ah, but that's the beautiful thing about life- isn't it? If we can gracefully take a step back and look at our lives with a little less attachment to the versions we've vision boarded and penciled in, we realize that the version in the crystal ball we hadn't seen was perhaps a better option.....at least for now. Until the next vision in the crystal ball, that I won't even TRY to peer into.

The sweatpants are on the shelf, my dutiful slippers and cushion in the crease of the couch where I worked for hours on end, won't miss me- they've run their course. The slamming my head against an unforgiving brick wall and asking for new results is also done, hi, gnarly bump smack in the middle of your forehead, you are not welcome anymore.

This time around it's all about fresh, NEW- unfamiliar and brilliantly uncomfortable- all the better to feel the shift and learn to elegantly, cleverly wade through the renovation of your life; elbow deep in fresh paint, sawdust, cherry-picking and Google documents.

I'm the new kid. The one whose fingers are clutching the crumpled brown bag of afternoon snacks in the palm of her hand-carefully organizing her colored pens and sticky notes in perfect piles until someone tells her exactly how she should use them. I'm that moment in a conversation where you're swimming in ambiguity and butterflies. I'm the anticipation, the jitters, the sole of your foot on pretty little eggshells. The "take a deep breath," the "can I sit at your lunch table" and the "I hope he likes me." I'm the, "How do I do this?" and "What the hell comes next?"- the, "I'm not sure if...." and the, "Holy shit." (Holy shit is said often in moments of "New Kid.") I'm the, "I hope this isn't a dumb question," and the "I hope my hands are agile enough, my mind quick enough and my heart brave enough."

The air in the morning reminds me that I've been this kid before....when the sun has barely peaked over the mountains, when my hair was perfectly polished and my eagerness to BEGIN the process of "NEW" was met with perfectly rose-colored glasses, placed gingerly on my nose- and in the process, through every stage of "New Kid" I have grown into a bigger, wiser, more vibrant "kid"and with that I find myself here again, with that same optimism, that same ambition and even larger, more fabulous- slightly theatrical, rose-colored glasses, placed gingerly on my nose.

I've been reading your blog for a bit but never actually commented. This is such an inspiring post! My husband of ONE YEAR (been together 6) just decided he no longer wanted to be married. No reason, no counselling, no nothing - just didn't want to be anymore. I am still paying off the freakin wedding - and now he wants a divorce? Just 2 weeks ago we were picking up baby clothes for our very close future plans - and now I'm selling the house and everything in it and just trying to get out. How do these things just happen? But I will be a new kid soon - and hope to have the same optimism as you!!!

I'm the new kid right now... I just started graduate school & am the only one in my major concentration.. so at orientation/in class while everyone's buddying up I'm all by my lonesome with no one to discuss classes with.... I'm also in a new town, at a new university & no no one... so I feel very new kid at this moment.. but you sound like you're doing wonderful! which is just great :)

here's to a fresh start! and i think you nailed it saying that we must GRACEFULLY take a step back...sometimes my step back is a stumble or a fall. so here i go, gracefully stepping back. thanks for inspiring :)

I believe that changes and newness make life worth livng. I love looking at every day knowing that things can change. While this scares some people (my sister, for example), I absolutely find it inspiring. And even when the change is sad/bad/awful/painful, moving past it makes me stronger.

I've been the new kid... and I look forward to being it again. In my opinion, it is the best!

When I first moved and went out in the city trying to make friends at parties where I didn't know a single soul - NEW KID. Just remember that everything happens for a reason - I think it's my mantra today.

Wahoooohoohoo! You sound ready to conquer the world. I feel like the new kid every second...I teach software programs and am constantly feeling the need to step up my technological game around my coworkers.

I'm really proud of you, love. You've basically had the rug pulled out from under you & you've used it as an opportunity to kick ass. It's brilliant & beautiful & grand & I love reading about your new adventures.

Honestly? I feel like the new kid all the time, even doing stuff I've done for years. Sometimes I look around and I'm like, "Can't they see that I have no idea what I'm doing? That I'm just making it up as I go along?!"

Chels, I can relate to this so well. I just wish I could write it about it as well as you do! I feel like my whole fucking life has been turned upside down and shaken like a damn purse until every last coin, fuzzy Cert, and gum wrapper falls out. Only instead of garbage, those were my dreams being throw out. But now I've got all this room in my life to fill up intentionally with things I love and that give me happiness. It's hard to get going, but once you do, what a beautiful ride.

We seem to be into some of the same things. I just started my own blog, and I would really appreciate some suggestions or comments! I thank you in advance if you decide to check out my blog and give me some feedback. http://lady-gabby.blogspot.com/

I keep trying to come up with a comment as worthy as this post and hitting delete... it's almost like you know exactly what I need to hear when I need to hear it. I'm just a wee bit less apprehensive about all this newness and considering welcoming some of it with the grace you have. Thank you...

I thinks sometimes life's about remaining the New Kid. You hear wonderfully in love couples talk in length about growing and changing together. You watch people hit their careers like a teenager hits nightclubs; eyes wide open for fun, opportunity, and excitement. You see some people do it the other way, and make 5pm their goal each morning.

Our worst moments mostly surprise us because we realize we were standing still and complacent and acting like it was too much work to be the New Kid.

Our frustrations with life, or at the very least my own, seem to be directly related to complacency. I wonder how many people feel that way, and I wonder if everyone reading this knows that literally tomorrow you can turn yourself into the New Kid.

It's funny that you write this as I just started classes for a Master's degree.I signed up a little late so I've been out of the loop on some things and I definitely feel like the new kid. However, I wouldn't it change it for the world!

Ugh I still feel like the new kid at my job and I've been there 3 months! I keep wondering when it'll go away - I was at my previous job for 5 years and it's hard to remember what being the new kid there was like!

I totally feel your pain..I just moved from Chicago to San Diego for work and we know NO ONE out here.. It's a little depressing, but I'm trying to view it as a great way to meet new people...You're on the right track..Thanks for the great post!

Hooray! You sound like you're in such a wonderful place right now. New Kid, I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU! How does life do that? You can't even see the light at the end of the tunnel and then all of a sudden, you're out of the tunnel and in a giant field of wildflowers and sunshine! Cheers!

Congrats on the new job! That's awesome. I'm a freelancer and my life is impossibly unpredictable at the moment, so I feel like the NEW KID allll the time! Best of luck with everything...can't wait to hear more about the crush ;)

Your job as a future mother is to learn the god's ways and to help your child understand despite the negative reinforcement and conditioning of today's society. Without consciousous parents the child will have no hope, and may even exaserbate their disfavor by becoming corrupted in today's environment.Your ultimate goal is to fix your relationship wiith the gods and move on. You don't want to be comfortable here, and the changes in Western society in the last 100 years has achieved just that.1000 years with Jesus is the consolation prize. Don't be deceived into thinking that is the goal.

Much like the other prophets Mohhamed (polygamy/superiority over women/misogyny) and Jesus (forgiveness/savior), the gods use me for temptation as well. In today's modern society they feel people are most weak for popular culture/sensationalism, and the clues date back to WorldWarII and Unit731:TSUSHOGO, the Chinese Holocaust. They used this Situation to bury Japanese atrocities.It has been discussed that, similar to the Matrix concept, the gods will offer a REAL "Second Coming of Christ", while the "fake" Second Coming will come at the end and follow New Testiment scripture and their xtian positioning. I may be that real Second Coming.What I teach is the god's true way. It is what is expected of people, and only those who follow this truth will be eligible to ascend into heaven as children in a future life. They offered this event because the masses have just enough time to work on and fix their relationship with the gods and ascend, to move and grow past Planet Earth, before the obligatory xtian "consolation prize" of "1000 years with Jesus on Earth" begins.

The Prince of Darkness, battling the gods over the souls of the Damned.It is the gods who have created this environment and led people into Damnation with temptation. The god's positioning proves they work to prevent people's understanding.How often is xtian dogma wrong? Expect it is about the Lucifer issue as well.The fallen god, fighting for justice for the disfavored, banished to Earth as the fallen angel?I believe much as the Noah's Flood event, the end of the world will be initiated by revelry among the people. It will be positioned to be sanctioned by the gods and led for "1000 years with Jesus on Earth".In light of modern developments this can entail many pleasures:::Medicine "cures" aging, the "manufacture" of incredible beauty via cloning as sex slaves, free (synthetic) cocaine, etc.Somewhere during the 1000 years the party will start to "die off", literally. Only those who maintain chaste, pure lifestyles, resisting these temptations, will survive the 1000 years. Condemned to experience another epoch of planet's history for their ignorant pursuit of xtianity, they will be the candidates used to (re)colonize (the next) Planet Earth, condemned to relive the misery experienced by the peasantry during history due to their failure to ascend into heaven before the Apocalypse.Never forget:::It is not a house of Jesus.If this concept of Lucifer is true another role of this individual may be to initiate disfavor and temptation among this new poulation, the proverbial "apple" of this Garden of Eden. A crucial figure in the history of any planet, he begins the process of deterioration and decay that leads civilizations to where Planet Earth remains today.Which one is it?:One transitions into the other, allowing the gods to wash their hands of obligation to their Chosen One. My personal "consolation prize".And since the gods never committed despite tens of billions in mass media, product development and natural disasters/tragedy they will employ the freedom they positioned into the Situation and CHEAT me out of everything.Fuck the hundred trillion year-old gods and their "gangster capitalism" positioning:::The Matrix.

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