‘Zombie Ass’ Looks Good. Because of the Pooping, and the Karate.

Uh oh, it looks like some Japanese upstart is trying to steal Tom Six‘s thunder. Handfuls of our own feces at dawn?

Zombie Ass (I’m sure it sounds much prettier in Japanese) premieres at Fantastic Fest, and trust me, you want to read this synopsis.

We are going to flush you! The most crap-tastic zombie movie ever to emerge from Japan’s cinema sewer is finally upon us, and it’s from the twisted mind of cinematic madman and legendary ass- fetishist Noboru Iguchi…

I hope this guy has a business card with just his name and “legendary ass fetishist.” In fact, I’m having those printed right this second.

…creator of THE MACHINE GIRL, ROBO-GEISHA and KARATE-ROBO ZABORGAR! Given free reign by a generous, independent producer to plumb the depths of his toilet-obsessed imagination, Iguchi has created a splatter comedy guaranteed to warm the bowels of those with the stomach for it…while more sensitive viewers may want to plug their noses and flee in disgust! Wracked with guilt over the suicide of her sister Ai, who was tormented by high school bullies, pretty young karate student Megumi accompanies a group of older friends on a trip into the woods: smart girl Aya, her druggie boyfriend Tak, big-boobed model Maki, and nerdy Naoi. Things start to go badly when Maki finds a parasitical worm inside a fish they catch – and wolfs it down alive, in the hope that it’ll help keep her skinny!

Maybe she just wanted something tentacle-shaped all up in her nether regions. Big-boobed models are often into that, or so I’ve read.

And then….zombies!

I don’t even like zombies, but “and then… zombies!” is a line you could squeeze into literally any synopsis and make it at least 150% better. “Kate Hudson is a career-obsessed city girl determined to make partner before she hits 30. But when she gets stuck on a ferris wheel with party-loving man-boy Gerard Butler, her world literally turns upside down! And then… zombies!”

The group is attacked by a crowd of poop-covered undead who emerge from an outhouse toilet,

Another Pulitzer-worthy sentence.

…and seek refuge at the home of strange Dr. Tanaka and his daughter Sachi. But unbeknownst to them, Tanaka has been conducting experiments on the parasites–and the zombies!–and has another fate in mind for the five strangers from the city.

Zombie ass-poop dildo party?

What’s the connection between the parasites and the undead? And can Megumi’s karate alone help them escape,

Oh God, it couldn’t possibly get any better than this

…or will she have to rely on the liberating power of farts to save the day?

I stand corrected.

Featuring special effects by FF 2009-2010 guest Yoshihiro Nishimura, and some truly jaw- dropping contributions from Iguchi’s genius subconscious (parasite anus-zombies?!?), ZOMBIE ASS is a heaping helping of bad taste that may go down rough but is guaranteed to come out smooth and regular.

(*falls to knees, thanks God for the Japanese*) Thank God Brendan is out of town. This might have killed him.