keeping my sanity

December 1, 2016December 9, 2016

A Mommy’s Flying Tortilla Day

Waking up at 7am fresh, from a full 8 hour of uninterrupted sleep. Taking your sweet time to actually look decent, because, well… the kids are not awake yet. Having a warm meal and your coffee is still fresh and hot. The children wake up at around 8:30 and you have had time to yourself for an hour and a half. You even have breakfast ready, they eat it and actually love it. They find something that keeps them entertained until lunch, they eat lunch without a single complaint. Find a few more entertaining things to do until dinner, where again, they eat everything without a peep. Husbands comes home and takes over, kids are in bed by 8pm and you just cannot believe your eyes….THEN YOU WAKE UP!! You realize it was all a flying tortilla dream teasing the life out of you!! It’s 2 am and the little one is crying, your husband is snoring away and she needs her milk! You then wake up a few more times, if it’s not one of your girls needing something is your husband’s snores sounding like a lion’s roar, right next to your ear, I swear I will be deaf by the time I’m 40!!! 3 hours after all that, you wake up to your little ones wanting breakfast, you make them breakfast but they don’t want that, 3 tries later and at least you know you’ve tried to feed the stinkers! You clean up the kitchen just to realize that the family room looks like a tornado went through it, you clean up a bit, by the time you are done and you turn around the other side was turned upside down AGAIN, you say FUCK IT! Well, guess what? Now they want a snack, but not any snack they want the cookies that you don’t have any more, WHY? Because your husband decided to treat himself and the girls to the whole package the night before,“the girls were so good today” he says. HOW THE FLYING TORTILLA DOES HE KNOW? Oh yes!! They have been decent for the last 30 mins he’s been around! Really!!? The only reason why they are somewhat calm is because they are exhausted from bugging the shit out of mommy ALL FLYING TORTILLA DAY!!! But! You let them stuff their faces, by this time you don’t give a single TORTILLA! Lunch is full of I don’t want this or that, and the rest of the day is filled with cries and nags about “my finger hurts from lifting it, I want to watch TV but not that show or that one, she’s pulling my hair, she’s pushing me, she’s not sharing”, cleaning bums, picking food off the floor, and making dinner that most likely will not be FLYING TORTILLA appreciated (by the monkeys, Hubby needs to pretend to appreciate if he wants to live another day)!! You plan for them to be in bed by 8pm so you can potentially do loads of laundry without interruptions, wonderful “me time” right??!! That was just a wishful thought, the little stinkers are still up at 12am, You were too tired to even think about putting them to sleep, plus you want them to sleep until 12pm tomorrow! HA! WISHFUL THOUGHTS! By the end of the day when your husband is trying to get kinky, you look at him, and the only thing you can think of is “YOU HAVE 2 FLYING TORTILLA MINUTES, AND YOU WILL ENJOY IT, AND YOU WILL THANK ME AFTER!!! YOU’RE FLYING TORTILLA WELCOME!! NOW GO THE FLYING TORTILLA TO SLEEP SO I CAN LAY WIDE AWAKE AND LISTEN TO YOUR ROARING ASS!! All this and more and to be honest…I wouldn’t change a thing 💗 Did you guess what “flying tortilla” stands for? 😊 *The mess in the photo is my true reality 😩