Thursday, March 3, 2011

Give Me a "P"...P!

Three friends have announced they are pregnant since we've started trying (which was 3 months ago). And a couple friends I've asked how long they tried and they casually say "a month". It's a little irritating. A lot irritating. I know it's not normal to have luck on the first try, so I really should know better than to feel like there's something wrong with me. After all, their super fast success is much more rare according to statistics I've read. But still, part of me can't help but feel like I'm trying out for a cheerleading squad (had to pick a sport to go with my blog post title) and really, really, really want to make the team, but just can't. All while my friends around me barely practice for their tryout and then bam, they're on the team. My hubby reminds me that it's not a competition. He's completely right, and looking at it like a competition will only put me in a stressed out and negative mindset. Easier said than done though. That's one reason I started this blog was so I could vent about my feelings to get them out of my mind (hopefully). And of course, I really am happy for them and their blessed news. But at the same time, it just reminds me what I want and don't have. Lord, please help me reject these negative thoughts and not dwell on them. Help me to focus on You and keep faith and patience that someday (hopefully soon) it will be my time.

Cycle update: It's day 15 for me and we've Baby Danced every other day since day 7. My cervical stuff is somewhat confusing me this month, but that's how it's been for me every month so far. That's why we instituted the plan of having sex every other day during the mid-range of my cycle so that hopefully we'll catch the timing right and successfully conceive. I've been reading three different books and their sections on ways to tell if you're ovulating. They are all helpful, but then I find my mind playing tricks on me. (I think I feel a pain on my left side...next day...no my right side...I think my cervical stuff is ramping up toward ovulation...next day...why is it dry again...next day...why is it ramping up again...) c.o.n.f.u.s.i.n.g.

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Our Story

So far our journey is not over, but the lessons learned will last a lifetime. Michael and I have been married since 2007. In early December 2010, we decided to begin trying to start a family. I'm a planner, and had high expectations that we would get pregnant right away, just in time to announce it to our families on Christmas morning. But to my surprise, we did not get pregnant.

After finding no medical explanation for our inability to conceive (unexplained infertility), we began eating a whole foods, plant-based diet and exercising regularly. This helped regulate my hormones greatly and improved many aspects of our overall health (lost 30 lbs and kept it off, yay!) This has been our lifestyle since late 2012, yet we still have not been able to conceive. Clearly there is a bigger reason for this.

In late 2013, we felt God moving us to adopt. This was remarkable considering that, in the past, we never once considered adopting a child. But over the years of struggling with infertility, God taught us that no child - whether it comes from our physical bodies or elsewhere - is truly ours, but will always belong to God. We wanted to be parents, and we decided there was no reason to wait.

We desire to have children through adoption AND pregnancy. However the Lord wishes to grow our family, that's what we want too. We are completely trusting God with these details. How and when He brings children into our family is completely up to Him.

In March 2014 we submitted our application to the agency we chose. We didn't know it at the time (but God did), but that was also the month that our daughter was conceived. After being officially approved and put on the waiting list in August 2014, we were told the average wait would be 15 months. But God had other plans. Only 3 months later we received THE call from our caseworker that a birth mother had chosen us to adopt her baby, and the baby girl was due in a month.

We were overjoyed at this news and felt instant love for the birth family. I mean, out of all the couples waiting to adopt, they picked US! It felt humbling and amazing and overwhelming with only a month to prepare. We got to meet both sides of the birth family and we get along very well. They invited us to be at the hospital for our daughter's birth and wanted us to hold her shortly after being born. They chose to let us share in so many precious moments that they didn't have to do. They are such welcoming people, and we love them all so much!

After our daughter was two days old, we brought her home and started life together as a family of three. Though there were many things about parenthood that went differently than planned, or were frustrating in some moments, it has truly been such an honor to be our daughter's parents. She brings so much joy into our hearts with her sweet smile, laugh, and unique personality. I can't imagine her not being part of our family. We continue to keep in touch with the birth family on a regular basis. After all, we're all family now!

Through this journey, I have experienced such growth in my faith. Our story is proof that God gives good gifts and He truly cares for the desires of our hearts. He may not give you every desire in the way you ask for it, but He is faithful "and we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." - Romans 8:28

I have learned that I need to surrender to the Lord and let Him lead this endeavor. So that is my goal: “let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus” – Hebrews 12:1-2.

Prayer of My Heart

"Heavenly Father, it seems as if every month brings about disappointment because I pray for a child and nothing happens. I don’t understand why I have to suffer like this. But in your Word, You say that I am to rejoice in my sufferings, because it gives me perseverance for the journey ahead, and perseverance brings about better character in me, and character; hope. I praise you for your great love, which has been shed in my heart by your Holy Spirit, which gives me hope that does not disappoint, as I continue to believe in You. Thank you! In Jesus’ name, amen."