In Europe keys are given on Saint Valentine’s Day to unlock hearts. On this day, a day of love & of celebrating affection & tenderness I’m giving you a key. A particular type of key.

A key that’s meant to unlock difficult situations, particularly those where love, affection & tenderness are not central.

A key to finding self-respect while you’re trying to effect some social change at the same time.

A key to what to do when you witness a sexist event (please note the accompanying trigger warning).

Setting the stage

I was recently at a public, social event. I was out with a group of international friends, with wine, whisky & song flowing. Music was playing & a feast was before us.

Then some older men got up to give the requisite speeches. I said to my friend, having been to this event before, ‘I wonder how long it’ll be until the first sexist comment.’

Unfortunately it wasn’t long.

Unfortunately it was awful.

This old guy at the event makes a ‘joke’ about a doctor feeling up a grandmother during his treatment of her.

In the days of #metoo & Nassar, the ‘doctor’ who ‘treated’ female athletes & was recently sentenced to 40-175 years in prison after more than 150 girls & women said he sexually abused them, I could not believe my ears.

This was only 1 of many highly inappropriate, tasteless, sexist ‘jokes.’

A man, who I didn’t know, who was sitting across from me & who was old enough to have salt & pepper hair, laughed along. I asked him in surprise why he was laughing & he quickly replied, with a big grin, ‘because it’s funny.’

Really?

It went downhill from there.

Reactions

I’ve been there, seen that & I don’t want to see or hear no more. I’m sure you have too.

But what to do?

Saying or doing nothing would be tantamount to agreeing that what just happened was okay. And that wouldn’t be fair to that little girl in me who was abused. It wouldn’t be fair to the girls & women who stand, sometimes with quaking knees, who say no, not this time, enough. And it wouldn’t be fair to the girls & women, boys & men who support, hold, are there for others who’ve been through hell & back.

And so I began.

My strategy part 1

I quietly observed.

There were lots of people laughing at the beginning of said dude’s speech, but this dwindled to hesitant laughs which tapered off until at the end, only the far corner was laughing, a table of old men.

I listened after the speeches finished & I heard people talking & complaining.

I saw comments posted about it the next day on social media.

I received an email about it.

My strategy part 2

Ever since I heard about the awful case of Kitty Genovese (the woman who was murdered while 38 people who saw it took place did nothing, which created the term bystander effect which is where people don’t do anything because they think someone else will) I have been determined to DO SOMETHING.

This has gotten me into some weird places & spaces (helping someone who’d just been stabbed, following drunk drivers to report them etc.).

With my stomach in knots & my brows furrowed in concentration I sat on this for a few days trying to figure out what to DO.

I realized I was worried about what people might think if I complained. Would my reputation be affected? Would I be seen as a humorless, brittle woman who couldn’t take a joke? Would I not be taken seriously? Would I be mocked?

AND that’s part of the problem I realized as a light bulb went off the size of a hot air balloon. I shouldn’t have to worry about how my legitimate complaint would be received nor what people would think of me.

So I decided to lodge a complaint with the organizing committee …. complaining about the food.

Yup, the food.

Then I would say that none of that was true but I hoped the committee would read part two with same sense of gravitas as if food actually was bad.

I’ve shared my idea with others & am waiting to hear back if they’ll add their name to my email. I’m hoping to get some men as well.

(All the while acknowledging my frustration that such a strategy is needed – that I’d need to worry about what people would think, that I’d need to find others to strength my case, to be taken seriously & that having men included would be strategic.)

My strategy part 3

Stay tuned. I’ll let you know what happens.

In the meantime feel free to borrow my key on this day of love. Turn things around to unlock stuck minds. Grease the wheels for social change. Share the love, share the keys.

And remember the wise words of Tarana Burke, a survivor & the founder of #metoo.

I think that what we have to do is be really proactive in our communities. Really drill down to the most basic in our communities. We have to find ways to interrupt sexual violence everywhere, every day, all the time.

Annnnnnnd take action

I’d love for you to let me know what strategies you’ve used to try to right some social wrongs

If you try the strategy above let me know how it goes & know I’m rooting for you

From one lean in, learning junkie to another, a few posts ago I introduced you to my top 5 books from 2017 & briefly described what I learned & why you should read them too.

I shared books for your funny bone & for your heart. This week I’ll share books about how people work & (do or don’t) manage, books about learning, teams & business communication & strategy … there’s something for most everyone.

And I’ll share the books I’ve already set aside to read this year (she says with a gleeful, let me at ‘em, delicious delirium).

But first let me add another book to my top favs from last year. It’s Your Personality Explained: Exploring the Science of Identity by National Geographic. If you’re a person or you work with people or you know people, you’ve got to read it. Seriously. So good. Bite size morsels, easy to digest & chock a block full of tips to help you understand yourself & others.

Okay, on with the rest of my reads from 2017 (I shared the first batch in last week’s post).

As an introvert who’s constantly mistaken for an extrovert I love this quote from the book: ‘Our culture made a virtue of living only as extroverts. We discouraged the inner journey, the quest for a center.’ Anais Nin

‘Most of us have up to 10 discreet interdependent social identities- identities. which are often in conflict’

The author digs up clues like ‘sleeping without a bedspread, charred paper, toy cards & pixie dust’ which ‘help decipher the meaning of quality in China.’ Now if that doesn’t get you curious I don’t know what will.

It’s a fascinating ride as you follow the author while he unravels mysteries by pulling together clues to come up with some pretty interesting ways to market products (don’t let the mention of marketing put you off, I figure any profession that can convince us to spend hard earned cash on things that will kill us, like cigarettes, really knows a lot about human behaviour overall)

Read if: you like anthropological mysteries (aka figuring out how people work) & you’re into big ideas & how small things can influence them

Lots of interesting activities: I loved the ladder of inference & levers through which participants in a system can change the behavior of the system e.g. change the rules, add reinforcing processes, alter information flows, select a different time, change a perspective, enhance capacity for learning, improve dialogue

Read if: you need some inspiration & practical activities that are all geared to system thinking

‘Communicating with virtual colleagues can feel like screaming into the wind. It takes much effort, but you’re still not sure you’re being heard. So make sure to ‘match the mode of communication with the content.’

Here is a sample recommendation: To decide which mode is best ask yourself 2 questions: what do you want the recipient to do after your communication? If you expect loads of questions or details, phone or video is best.

‘We all love stories, & we need them. From fables to novels, from musical to advertising, we instinctively crave stories, which can provide the human context for forces that are often vast, ancient & abstract. Stories are the best teachers.’ Alex Kroll in the forward

Remember my missive about marketers? We can learn so much from that profession.

Smile – if you’re not in a place for a good cry then put a smile on your face. It’ll release chemicals (seriously) that will help ease the pain (note: this is a temporary solution only. I’m not insinuating that every time you feel bad you should stick a fake smile on your face.)

Breathe– making sure to breathe OUT longer than you breathe IN. For example breathe in for a count of 3 & breathe out for a count of 6. It’s amazing (truly) how much this helps to establish equilibrium.

Have a hunger for more?

TOMORROW I’m offering an online workshop for you. It’s called ‘Planning a fun, fab 2018, February 1st, from 7am to 11am PST / 6pm to 10pm EAT (click here to convert to other time zones). It’s like a spa for your mind without all the goopy stuff.

Because the world needs more of what you have to offer, I’m inviting you to do just that – plan a year that fits YOU, the kind of year YOU want.

Intrigued? Want to know more (including the 2 for 1 deal)? Simply click here. Then sign up & join the community from around the world who’ve already registered by simply emailing me: laragan (at) rpsinc.ca

And remember ‘the promise of stretching is not success, it’s learning. It’s self-insight.’

Have a hunger for more? I’m offering an online workshop for you. It’s called ‘Planning a fun, fab 2018, February 1st, from 7am to 11am PST / 6pm to 10pm EAT (click here to convert to other time zones).

Because the world needs more of what you have to offer, I’m inviting you to do just that – plan a year that fits YOU, the kind of year YOU want.

Intrigued? Want to know more? Simply click here. Or are you ready to sign up? Or join the community from around the world who’ve already signed up & simply email me to register: laragan (at) rpsinc.ca

–> Did you set some goals for yourself for 2018 that have already crashed & burned?

–> Are you blanching at the thought of even setting some goals?

–> Do you feel lost even attempting to think about the kind of year you want?

Have I got something special for you.

I’m offering an online workshop that anyone can access. It’s called ‘Planning a fun, fab 2018, January 30th OR February 1st, both from 7am to 11am PST / 6pm to 10pm EAT (click here to convert to other time zones).

Because the world needs more of what you have to offer, I’m inviting you to do just that – plan a year that fits YOU, the kind of year YOU want.

A spa for your mind without all the goopy stuff

Whether you want to focus on the personal or professional (or a combo) there’ll be no guilt, no crashing & burning. There will be time carved out for me & you to focus on YOU, in a way that fits you. Think of it like a spa for your mind, without all that goopy stuff.

Or are you ready to sign up? Wonderful, simply email me laragan at rpsinc.ca

What others have said

There was so much to take away and I felt much more empowered than when I had arrived. The genesis of 2018 has become more clear as I am better able to articulate my professional and personal goals going forward. Thank you so much Rock.Paper.Scissors. Your ROCK!

Never before has planning been simplified like this and yet in a very professional manner! Thank you very much Lee-Anne Ragan

It was absolutely invaluable for my business planning for 2018. I feel more prepared and grounded in my plan than I ever have.

What it costs to participate in the ‘Planning a fun, fab 2018’ online workshop:

For the chance to have me live in your home or office for four hours & meet other like minded intriguing people online from around the world (remember this isn’t a canned course where you can’t interact with me & are only watching a previously recorded video) …..

For the opportunity for you to show up on time, be focused, be present & carve out a clean & clear window to focus on YOU …..

For the opportunity, after the workshop, to register for some 1:1 time with me online to jam about your plan

To be able to access the Life Lenses™ assessment & get your customized results in time for the course (regular $60 USD value) ….

The cost is $125 USD. Well kinda ….

Because wait there’s more…

I’m offering a super sweet deal. Bring a friend or colleague to the online course & you’ll get the course for ½ price – TWO people for $125 USD.

So please consider giving yourself the gift of a fun, fab year (while having fun creating it).

→ Are you finding yourself hard pressed to describe the kind of year YOU want?

→ Are you having difficulty expressing YOUR vision for 2018 (as opposed to someone else’s)?

→ Do you groan inwardly at the thought of creating goals only to feel guilty about not achieving them this time next year?

→ Have you not been able to carve out some time to think about the kind of year you want?

Have I got something special for you.

This year I’ll be celebrating 20 years of being self-employed & in that time I’ve taught face to face workshops to more than 20,000 participants in & from more than 80 countries. I’m thoroughly over the moon gobsmackingly excited to say that I’ll be adding online workshops to my cadre of offerings this year.

Can you guess what the first online course is?

Yep. It’s Planning a fun, fab 2018.

Because the world needs more of what you have to offer, I’m inviting you to do just that – plan a year that fits YOU, the kind of year YOU want.

The ‘Planning a fun, fab 2018’ online course WILL:

Be custom tailored, like a fine Italian suit, to your priorities.

Teach you a flexible process you can use in any planning situation.

Maximize fun, engagement & creativity. Suffering is optional.

Create a solid start on your 2018 plan that includes time for reflection, figuring out your vision, how you want to feel, how to get it all organized, how to make it happen & more.

Ebb & flow like the Pacific & Indian oceans – we’ll come together in person online for some short, creative teach pieces & then you’ll go off on your own to craft your lovely plan. Then we’ll rinse & repeat, ebbing & flowing for a total of 4 hours.

Encourage time to concentrate on you – time to show up, be present & be focused….. on you & your year ahead.

Planning a fun, fab 2018 online course will NOT:

Take a one size fits all – rather you get to do you, in all your uniqueness

Be dreary or guilt inducing – rather you’ll play & have fun

Spoon feed you; I’m expecting you to put in the work in order to make the magic happen (but no fear we’ll include breaks & have fun; remember suffering is optional)

Give you a completely finished plan for 2018 (‘cause unless you’re truly wonder woman or superman 4 hours isn’t enough) BUT you will have a great start to your year plan AND the tools to finish & implement.

Bonus: Life Lenses™ ($60 value)

You’ll be using my Life Lenses™ assessment to craft a customized year for you. Life Lenses™ is an interactive assessment which you’ll fill in online before the workshop starts.

Your Life Lenses™ results will:

Show you where your dark places are (the areas of awkwardness, or discomfort) &

How to transcend those difficult areas to bring more light, more ease & more you to the world.

FAQs (frequently asked questions):

Is this for personal or professional use? It’s either or both – it’s totally up to you & what works best for you.

What if I can’t participate live? While real time participation is ideal so you can ask questions, no worries if you can’t because you’ll have access to the video recordings & all the learning resources 24/7.

What about refunds? Honestly that’s a good question. I haven’t been asked before. I’m confident that if you show up & do the work that you’re going to get amazing value & learn tons but if there’s an issue I’m confident we can work it out together.

Why are you doing this in January & not earlier? I ran the course in December (see the testimonials below) & it’s never too late to set aside time to think about & plan for the kind of year you want.

What have past ‘Planning for a fun, fab 2018’ participants said?

There was so much to take away and I felt much more empowered than when I had arrived. The genesis of 2018 has become more clear as I am better able to articulate my professional and personal goals going forward. Thank you so much Rock.Paper.Scissors. Your ROCK!

Never before has planning been simplified like this and yet in a very professional manner! Thank you very much Lee-Anne Ragan

Before this workshop, I hadn’t really thought about my goals for next year – they felt too big and too nebulous. The workshop both got me making specific goals (realistic and ideal) and helped me come up with ideas, practises and systems to make sure they actually might happen!

Lee-Anne is a phenomenal and talented facilitator. Thank you!

Lee-Anne’s workshop was engaging and dynamic. New insights for sure, looking forward to a fun and fab 2018!

It was absolutely invaluable for my business planning for 2018. I feel more prepared and grounded in my plan than I ever have.

What it costs to participate in the ‘Planning a fun, fab 2018’ online workshop:

For the chance to have me live in your home or office for four hours & meet other like minded intriguing people online from around the world (remember this isn’t a canned course where you can’t interact with me & are only watching a previously recorded video) …..

For the opportunity for you to show up on time, be focused, be present & carve out a clean & clear window to focus on YOU …..

For the opportunity, after the workshop, to register for some 1:1 time with me online to jam about your plan[1]

To be able to access the Life Lenses™ assessment & get your customized results in time for the course (regular $60 USD value)[2] ….

When is it?

The awesome benefit of people taking the workshop from around the world means we’re juggling different time zones, so like a custom fit suit, I want to see what works best for you.

The choices are January 30th OR February 1st, both from 7am to 11am PST / 6pm to 10pm EAT (click here to convert to other time zones). Once you’ve paid I’ll send you a link to see which date works best.

Are you in? Yeah & yahoo! Here’s what you need to do now to get onboard!

Kudos & congrats! Give yourself a big pat on the back for carving out time to focus on creating a fun, fab year for yourself. Seriously, pat yourself on the back. I’ll wait till you’re done.

Now head over to PayPal & pay $125 USD (OR send me an email saying you’re in & I’ll invoice you – laragan at rpsinc.ca)

Stay tuned to receive more information about how to get the most out of the course, a link to your Life Lenses™ assessment & more.

Not so fine print:

[1] – There’ll be an extra cost for this which we’ll talk about during the workshop.

[2] – You’ll receive a link to the Life Lenses™ online assessment. You must have this done before the workshop so I can get your results to you. Once we have our date I’ll give you the specific deadline.

– You’ll need access to the internet so you can access the live workshop as well as fill in the online Life Lenses™ assessment.

I am a learning junkie – I soak up learning, I seek out learning & I adore adding to my cadre of tools, tips & techniques that I then get to share with my clients in my training workshops.

My partner will sometimes groan with exasperation that ‘not every moment has to be a teachable moment,’ but with all due respect I disagree.

Books have been my solace, my escape, my ladder up & out into the world. From them I’ve gotten an education that I couldn’t have gotten elsewhere.

So you can understand then that every year I set out a minimum of 12 books that I plan to read. I’m happy to share below a quick summary of ½ the ones I read in 2017, along with how to decide if you should read them too. I’ll share the other ½ of my list next week.

I’ve divided them into:

My top five favourites for 2017

Books for your funny bone

Books for the heart

Books about how people work & (do or don’t) manage

Books about learning

Books about teams

Books about business communication & strategy

My top 5 reads & why you should read them too

‘How we feel about something or someone is more powerful than what we think about it or them. There’s just one problem with feelings. They can be tremendously difficult to express in words. When we align emotionally … our connection is much stronger & more meaningful … that’s what starting with WHY is all about.’

Guide to building inner strength instead of outer dependence; practice good manners … with yourself, allow your light to be reflected back to you, hang out with people who love you reward yourself for trying, go beyond tolerating your so-called shortcomings actually accepting more parts of yourself

‘This is the story of a persistent problem & the child who isn’t so sure what to make of it. When the child finally musters up the courage to face it, the problem turns out to be something quite different than expected.’

Books for your funny bone

When you need a breather from bureaucracy this little book will give you some laughs like this gem ‘Terry is running out of fuel & requires permission to land. The paperwork should be through in 6-8 weeks.’

Read if: you’re frequently mired in bureaucracy, pressed to see any humour in it & need some comic relief

Subtitled ‘using the power of pleasure to have your way in the world’ isn’t about some narcissistic

‘You are the creatrix. You make the rules, you change the rules, so you are never left behind. Your energy is free to glow all about you & through you.’

‘There is a fountain of youth. It is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life & the lives of the people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.’ Sophia Lauren

During the hustle bustle of the holidays, no matter how you celebrate, may your basics get fulfilled & then some.

You may have seen these stickers that are given out on some airlines.

They’re meant for you to stick on the top of your seat so the airline staff know what to do if they’re serving & you’ve fallen asleep.

The choices are:

Wake me up for duty free shopping.

Wake me up to eat.

Let me sleep.

Other than appealing to my love of systems & organization, I also love how they speak to some clear boundaries & priorities. Here’s my interpretation (& my wish for you this holiday season).

Wake me up for …. duty free shopping?!

Photo by Itay Kabalo on Unsplash

Let’s edit this one a bit shall we. May you wake up this holiday season for:

What lights you up (& of course that doesn’t have to mean shopping)

Finding your fun

Having a self-care plan & using it (aka a small toolkit for taking of yourself whether that be aromatherapy, your favorite chocolate, a song that automatically makes you get up & dance etc.) … Because, for lots of reasons, the very holidays that are supposed to bring love & light, can be very stressful for some

No matter how you choose to celebrate this time of year, may you find peaceful pockets of tranquility, balanced with enough adventure to get your adrenaline zinging & zipping along.

It’s been an honour to share my musings with you this year & I’m looking forward to more next year. Come along with me won’t you? If you’re interested in setting aside some time to plan a fun, fan 2018 for yourself, see below for how to be put on the (no obligation) list for an online course I’ll be offering.

Music is a universal language & can lift us up when we’re beleaguered, celebrate with us when we’re high on life & give us hope when hope is hiding. As a music lover I’ve put together a little gift for you. The italicized words below are songs, which I’ve put into a play list for you. Enjoy. And if you spontaneously break out some moves as you’re listening, all the better.

Photo by Mohammad Metri on Unsplash

May the darkness of your challenges, your hell in the hallway, be lit up by each beautiful dawn.

May any ghosts in your machine be vanquished, with authority, so you feel the rush & feel the light from hidden diamonds on the soles of your shoes.

May you find & go your own way, you hunk of burning love you.

And may you bring it on home.

‘Cause I’m a believer in you.

So put a little love in your heart & know that you’ve got a cheerleader in me. Always.

And rise & shine, take hope, & lean on me, because a new year means here comes the sun.

Because love is, & love wins. Always.

Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash

Here’s a list of songs on the playlist …

Beautiful Dawn Wailin’ Jennys

Djelika – Toumani Dibate

Ghosts in my machine – Annie Lennox (I see too much I do too much, take my pain)

Magic has been a theme for me lately, what with my discovery of my Nana’s magical kingdom & my upcoming website redesign influenced by my archetypes (one of which is alchemist- bring on the magic of transformation!).

Magic is also something that came to mind when I read Todd Davis’ article Pinball Syndrome, because it immediately made me think of the magical Pinball Wizard by the Who. Yes, I’m a child of the 70’s.

Shiny Object Syndrome

The magic of the season can easily be tarnished by shiny object syndrome. You know the one, the _____ (insert people, objects, demands on our time) that promise big but delivers poorly or not at all (unless you call capturing our precious attention delivering).

Like pinballs flying around without aim or direction, shiny object syndrome can pull you off focus & off track. Whether it be the new bauble you’re pressured to buy or the promise of completing an over flowing to do list, how do you separate the glam from the false glitz, the hollow promise from the genuinely enriching (& I’m talking more than just moola)?

Photo by Jordan Bauer on Unsplash

In short how do you become a pinball wizard, aka in control of those shiny baubles?

Davis has some suggestions. First though, let’s see if you’re a sufferer of pinball syndrome:

You’re busy but you’re not accomplishing much

You’re bustling … with tasks that give you the charge that comes from getting something done in the moment, but that don’t move you toward your chief goal.

You’re too busy to get anything done.

Did any or all resonate? If so you’re likely suffering from pinball syndrome.

But wait, don’t loose hope.

Here’s what Davis suggests to recover (& to which I’ve added a few). May the medicine go down smoothly.

Photo by Jonas Vincent on Unsplash

Praise. Seriously, pat yourself on the back. Give yourself a high five. This is a wonderful time to reflect on BIG QUESTIONS like these. Kudos for reading this article & reflecting.

A quick sidebar: I’m designing an online course to help you plan for a fun, fab 2018. Interested?

See the form below for how to be put on the (no obligation) mailing list.

Productivity. Stop measuring productivity in terms of busyness. Instead, figure out your overarching purpose, your ‘why’ & then measure whether you’re generally aligned with that or not. This is a super important step towards getting IMPORTANT STUFF done.

Prioritize. Davis says first, and perhaps most important, is to determine what is truly important or what is simply urgent. Do you know what your biggest goals are for the quarter, and for the year? What could you accomplish that would really power the business forward, and make you a star in the process? Get clear on those goals.

4. Plan.Sit down every Sunday and chart out the week. Decide what each day’s goal will be and have a plan to stick to it. You might need to block out time. Other things can wait. Amazingly, urgent but unimportant tasks often resolve themselves with the simple passage of time, says Davis.

Practice procedures. No matter how hard you try to squeeze out more, there’s only so many hours in a day. You’ll feel like you have more hours though if you stop wasting time trying to find that thingamajig or that whatchamacallit. Put systems into place that bring you ease & efficiency so you can focus on your priorities. Consider systems like: use a social bookmarking tool like Diigo so you can find resources fast, create Google alerts to help you research, using a virtual assistant (full disclosure that’s a referral link as I’ve used the VA company GetFriday for more than a decade now).

And pat yourself on the back again. You’ve come full circle. With a little persistence your pay off can be big & you can kiss those pinballs or shiny object syndrome, goodbye for good. Just remember that productivity doesn’t always equal busyness, that figuring out your priorities is well, a high priority & then plan accordingly, with systems to help you achieve ease & efficiency.

Annnnnnnd take action:

Fill in this form to be added to the list to get more information on my online course, planning or a fun fab 2018

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Todd Davis, who I quoted in this post, is the Chief People Officer of FranklinCovey, the company founded by Stephen Covey of the “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” franchise. His book, Get Better: 15 Proven Processes to Build Effective Relationships at Work was just published

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Established in 1992, Rock.Paper.Scissors (RPS) has built a reputation for producing hit comedy shows and critically acclaimed corporate entertaining and training. RPS is where great minds come to laugh, learn and play--from the stage to the boardroom; and from the convention hall to the classroom.

We perform hundreds of live comedy shows and conduct celebrated training and team building workshops from coast to coast. Our award-winning services have been profiled on numerous radio and television programs. We've performed for audiences from Las Vegas to Bosnia, from Israel to Greenland, and from British Columbia to Newfoundland Learn more...