That coffee table is really ugly. Now that we’ve gotten the important shit out of the way….

THE MOST HATED WOMAN ON THE INTERNET Evil Menses is on Ellen today and I guess Ellen DeGeneres didn’t want to come out and ask her if she’s still making the Goslingers rabidly foam at the mouth with rage by wrapping her life-ruining snatch over Ryan Gosling’s peen. Ellen DeGeneres played it subtle and instead asked Eva if she has any plans for Valentimes. Eva pretty much threw a bitch wink at the shippers who refuse to believe that Ryan Golsing and Rachel McAdams ever broke up.

Evil: I’m not a big Valentine’s Day person. I’ll probably just order a deep dish and watch The Notebook or something.

Ellen: Just cry.

Evil: Just cry.

I see you, bitch, I see you and I’m slowly applauding. What Eva meant by that is that her haters will be eating their pepperoni and cheese-covered feelings while watching the cat parody of The Notebook with their cat children while she deep throats their Canadian God. Cry, bitches, cry. Your tears are her lube.

Ellen also asked Eva about the rumor that she’s got a GosFetus growing in her womb. You know, that rumor that her publicist probably planted themselves in the garden of the tabloids. Eva says she’s not knocked up.

This all started, it’s so ridiciulous. It all started, because I didn’t want to go through the scanners at the airport. You know those x-ray scanners, which are really creepy. They basically see you naked, right? And not only that, but there’s a radiation aspect to it, so I always opt-out. I always ask for a personal pat down.

…I never go through the scanners. They thought that was good enough reason to say, “Hey….”

Eva’s reason for not wanting to go through the scanner is the reason why I do go through the scanner. It’s the only time when somebody sees me naked and doesn’t immediately put on their coat, grab their bag and head toward the nearest exit. Although, the TSA agents still do that when I come through the scanner. Besides, like Eva is really going to let someone who didn’t pay her day rate of $50,000 (I’m estimating) see her naked. It’s not like you can (NSFW) Google it or anything.

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