Eric Falconer (voiceover): Ben Franklin was best friends with this guy for a long time.

The shot cuts to Jack Black and Derek Waters, both in colonial garb, drinking together.

Eric Falconer (voiceover): So this guy moved to a suburb, forty miles, forty, fifty miles away and became a teacher out there…

The shot cuts to Jack Black standing in a doorway while Derek Waters and Jayma Mays say goodbye.

Eric Falconer (voiceover): …and said, Ben, you’re my best friend. Take
care of my wife. This woman, Annabelle, take care of her. Make sure no
harm comes to her. I’ll be back in a few months. So Ben said, cool.
I’ll do that for you dude. You’re my best friend.

Jayma Mays shakes her head no. The shot cuts to Jayma Mays playing a harp and Jack Black walks up to the window behind her.

Eric Falconer (voiceover): And then, like a week later, would be like;
hey, listen I know your guy’s away. I just want to make sure you’re ok
with food, uh, maybe I’ll bring over a couple biscuits. And then, a
week later…

The shot cuts to Jayma Mays sitting in her parlor. Jack Black walks into the room.

Eric Falconer (voiceover): …would be like; hey, uh, maybe, uh, you need
someone to stay over tonight. Maybe you need someone to, uh, light a
fire for you. I don’t know if you know how to light a fire. You’re a
woman. It’s 1770.

The shot cuts to Eric Falconer sitting on a couch.

Eric Falconer: And then, like a week later would be like…

The shot cuts to Jack Black and Jayma Mays sitting next to each other on a couch.

Eric Falconer (voiceover): …Hey, we lit a fire together. We made some
chicken pot pie. We made a couple of, uh, drinks together. Maybe I can
fuck you. And then, a week later was like…

The shot cuts to Jack Black and Jayma Mays sitting at the end of a bed.

Eric Falconer (voiceover): Hey, we fucked and it was cool with you a
week ago. Why isn’t it cool now? And then, a week later would be like…

The shot cuts to Jack Black and Jayma Mays standing in a doorway. Jayma Mays looks put out and uncomfortable.

Eric Falconer (voiceover): …Hey, listen. I don’t understand what you
problem is with me. We had this relationship. Things were going well. I
taught you how to lit a fire, light a fire. I taught you how to cook
for yourself. We fucked and now you don’t want to be a part of ou
relationship. And then the girl was like, alright, you can fuck me one
more time but that’s it. And then…

The shot cuts to Eric Falconer sitting on the couch.

Eric Falconer: …like a week later, the guy, Franklin would be like…

The shot cuts to Jack Black and Jayma Mays lying on a bed.

Eric Falconer (voiceover): …hey, I fucked you last week. I taught you
how to lit a fire…light a fire and hang out and now you’re not even
gonna tell your boyfriend.

The shot cuts to Eric Falconer sitting on a cough.

Eric Falconer: And then, a week later he would be like, listen…

The shot cuts to Jack Black and Jayma Mays standing in front of a painting in dim light.

Eric Falconer (voiceover): …you might as well give up on yourself. This
is a lost cause. I’m gonna fuck you no matter what. I don’t care…

Shot cuts to Eric Falconer sitting on a couch, chuckling and then cuts back to Jack Black and Jayma Mays.

Eric Falconer (voiceover): …I don’t care about your boyfriend. The guy
was a loser. I kicked his ass and I fucked his fiancée. You might as
well come back to America with me.

Jayma Mays shakes her head no.

Eric Falconer (voiceover): And she was like, no, no, no, I choose my
boyfriend. And he was like you’ve made your choice. Fuck you...

The shot cuts to Eric Falconer sitting on the couch.

Eric Falconer: …and your boyfriend and you are a disgusting whore.

The shot cuts to Derek Waters walking up the path to the house.

Eric Falconer (voiceover): So, then his friend came back and her fiancé
basically told Franklin, you can go fuck yourself. I want nothing to do
with you forever. Uh, I’m gonna marry this girl. You go back to
America. Be poor. Be a fucking sucker. I’m gonna teach and I’m gonna
marry this girl. My life is set.

Derek Waters and Jayma Mays go into the house and close the door on Jack Black.

And he married her, and they had a very happy marriage, in London. And Ben Franklin changed the world.

Shot cuts to Eric Falconer sitting on the couch.

Eric Falconer: And Pennsylvania. And France. And this girl never spoke
a word of it to anybody. And that’s how the world…that’s how life works.