Wednesday, August 8, 2018

My Favorite Jeans

I love jeans. And I wear them just about every day. So when your favorite pair has little hole right by the back pocket that you know is going to turn into a huge, gaping hole when you bend down to get the cheap laundry detergent off the bottom shelf at Target, that's when you know you need to get some new ones. And that's when you find out that they don't even make your favorite jeans anymore.

I have a whole system for buying jeans. I buy them in a dark wash, a size too big so they shrink to just the right size with repeated washes and then I wear them until they are absolutely indecent. The problem is, now they make most jeans with that stretchy elastane stuff in them. So, your jeans aren't going to shrink at all, in fact, they're going to stretch. Which means if you put your jeans on in the morning and they fit you perfectly, an hour later they're going to be hanging down to your knees. Which means you actually have to buy jeans a size too small for you and then look indecent for an hour until they stretch to accommodate you. (Not that I've tried this, but I assume it would work.) Then there's that weird 'thwacking' sound that stretchy jeans make when you walk. No thank you!

I just want regular jeans. Not high rise mom jeans. Not ones that are pre-ripped because I'm very capable of doing that on my own. And definitely not ones with the back pockets bedazzled. (No one looks good in blingy jeans, by the way. NO ONE. ) I want my favorite low cut 524 Levi's in a boot cut (because boot cut makes my short legs look longer). Although 518s would also do the trick. Because once you find jeans that look good on you, you don't give up on them. And by 'look good on you', I mean that they flatter your ass. Because that's what jeans are all about. Everyone on the planet knows this.

So, I've looked at the Levi's website. Because I'd even pay full price + shipping & handling for my favorite jeans. That's how desperate I am. And that's when I confirmed that they don't even make 524s anymore. Everything is a stretchy mid rise or high rise skinny jean. To which I'm just going to say, skinny jeans are the least flattering cut on basically everyone on the planet, so I don't even get why they're popular. But, then again, I don't get why most things that are popular are popular which is probably been why I've never been popular. Because I think trends are stupid and I like to stick to the timeless classics. Like cotton.

In my quest to find my Levi's, I looked on Amazon, where they do list having 524s, but not in my size or the wash and cut I'm looking for. Plus, I really hate to buy from Amazon, the overlord of the free world, even though I do it all the time because they have the stuff you can't find anywhere else. That's when my husband suggests e-bay. BINGO! I find 3 pair in the correct model/size/wash and snatch them up. At least I thought I did. Until they arrived in my mailbox. And I discovered that I ordered one pair with a short inseam. So they're like capris on me. Which kinda makes me feel like I have long legs. Which has never happened before. Which is precisely why I kept them. That and my ass looks good in them.

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About me

I'm Marie, author of the book, Rock the Kasbah: A Memoir of Misadventure. Not to be confused with the movie or Zooey Deschanel. I'm a forty-something writer, dancer, world traveler, wife and mother of four who moved back to Colorado from living abroad in Morocco a few years ago. Oh and did I mention I have some serious social anxiety? And that I screw things up a lot? Like a whole lot.