Grateful Mom

Monday, March 3, 2014

Last Wednesday, I attended a
very interesting event entitled: “Love Does Not Hurt”, which was an event
intended to discuss and raise awareness for “positive discipline”, which,
according to Wikipedia is a discipline that focuses on the child’s positive behavior
and reinforces that, as opposed to corporal punishment i.e. spanking, hitting
as a response to a child’s wrongdoing.

It highlighted how important
it was to practice positive disciplinary methods with our children, and not
resort to inflicting physical pain in doing so.

A child psychologist talks about Positive Discipline.

For our part, my husband and
I are raising a strong-willed two-year old and needless to say, discipline has
been weaving itself as a very important part of our parenting journey. Our
little Gabbie threw his first tantrum at 11 months and we were amazed at how
adept he was at screaming, wailing and kicking as he has never done that prior.
As we watched our little guy fly into a rage, we instantly knew we had to get
creative in the discipline department, or else we’ll both lose it, too.

The discussion during the
event was a very informative one, and by the end of the night, I recognized that
positive discipline certainly has its merits. I mean, it really does seem natural to any
parent to affirm her child’s positive qualities. And certainly, we must be
generous with our support and encouragement.

But, what about those
moments when our child disobeys, or throws a tantrum or outright disrespects us?
What then?

What parent in his/her right
mind—and heart—would want to inflict pain on his/her child? Of course, we all
want our children to grow up being good people with the right values. But
positive discipline cannot be fully understood and implemented without setting
the foundation of a good, healthy relationship with your child or children.

That's me sharing my thoughts on discipline.

And my take on Positive
Discipline? It should be put in context with “Biblical Parenting.”

Why? Because I don’t know
anything about parenting, and I better ask the One who gave me the child in the
first place.

Who best to ask?

It is not enough that we
focus on the discipline aspect of parenting, without emphasizing the need for a
deep, personal, unconditionally-loving parent-child relationship—which is exactly
the kind that our God seeks with us.

And, let me digress for a
little bit, I feel strongly that in supporting our Filipino families’ rights,
we must put efforts to encourage and help get parents to spend more time with their children,
and know them, and enjoy them, and raise them well.

On a larger scale, I pray
for, and would want to help in endeavours that would afford better work-life
balance for our working parents. That daddies can go home 5PM sharp, deal with much
less traffic so he can be home to share playtime and dinner with the kids, that
mommies be given longer paid maternity leaves so she can care and nurture her
child personally in her most developmentally-critical years, that companies can
provide quality daycare services so that children can be closer to moms or give
flexible working hours for mommies, that our citizenry can enjoy free
healthcare, a clean and safe environment, and free, quality education so that
there is less stress for the parents raising three or four children, and
possibly less reason to vent out anger or frustrations.

No, it is NEVER acceptable
to abuse or show violence to children in any circumstance whatsoever. But, the
practice of corporal punishment is a deep-rooted problem.

The lack of the
abovementioned rights is fact for us Filipinos. Our living conditions may be
far from ideal but is most certainly not hopeless. Which is why it is all the
more critical that we raise and nurture children with good moral character and convictions.
Literal, sila ang pag-asa ng Pilipinas!
(They’re literally the hope of the Philippines!)

And so I go back to the
Bible. Here’s what God has to say about discipline:

“Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children.
Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.” Proverbs 13:24

“My child, don’t reject the Lord’s discipline,and don’t be upset when he corrects
you.For the Lord corrects those he loves,just as a father corrects a child in whom he
delights.” Proverbs 3:11-12

“No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s
painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for
those who are trained in this way.”
Hebrews 12:11

So, as a mom who stands by
Positive Discipline, I also stand by the use of the rod, as one of the many ways that we instill
discipline in our Gabbie. This is used because we know our child well and it
works for him on some situations. It is used only when absolutely necessary,
and as my husband always reminds me, it should never be in anger or frustration.

I will discuss the use of
the rod on another post. But, one thing I’ve learned about discipline is that
it all starts with us as parents, being children of our Father.

I had to yield to God’s
parenting of me. I had to set my heart straight with Him, and the sooner I came
to terms with His unconditional love for me, the easier I could accept His
discipline when necessary.

As I accepted His love, I
learnt what kind of parent I should be to my child (still continuing to learn
day by day!). And while the rod can be used as a tool to help communicate our
love (yes, discipline is also love),
it should never be without, or replace, time spent with Gabbie loving him and
enjoying him.

I’ll ask you, fellow Moms
and other Dads, isn’t it much easier to show affectionate love to our children
than it is to say no and discipline them? But, as parents, we have to balance
that.

Author Lisa Whelchel says, “It’s
the same love that tell them no that tells them yes.” (Creative Correction, p. 21.)

Given by a friend, this book contains a wealth of unconventional, creative ideas on correcting! Thanks, Janet!

Disciplining will always be
about the heart—we address the heart of our children that it may not steer
towards lawlessness and sinfulness as they grow older. It will also come from
our hearts, and will prick our hearts too us parents. So, for me and my husband, we're not going to try to do this on our own. We're setting our heart
straight with our “Child-Giver” day by day, and allow Him show us how it’s done. May our little Gabbie grow up to be a fearless, confident, purposed, compassionate man who will exceed his potential, and spread the joy of being a man reared in God's own hands. Amen!

Thursday, December 26, 2013

So many things have happened
since my last post. The Yolanda devastation was foremost in my mind the last
several weeks with relief operations (we focused on breastmilk-letting and
providing relief to mom-and-child survivors), and in my prayers. My heart bled
for our kababayans.

Along with that came busy
season for our video production company, Salt Lab Creative and I found my hands
full with production, and trying to pursue preschool homeschool for my toddler.
My busy days stretched well into the holidays.

And now, here we are. One
day after Christmas. Practically all gifts have been given, and all to-do’s
have been checked. I’m sure a lot of us are just excited to move on to 2014 and
leave the tragedies of 2013 (from Napoles to Yolanda) behind.

It’s been a tumultuous year,
wouldn’t you say? For me, personally, I want to know what God has in store for
me, my family and our nation.

So far, God has revealed two
very personal things to me and I’d like to share them with you.

First, He has impressed upon
me that my writing is intended for others. It is intended to write life, truth
and encouragement, particularly for mothers. This humbling revelation has led
me to talk with three other moms who, by God’s divine arrangement have the same
heart as I do. So, as I write this, I am looking forward to another project in
2014—one that will definitely be very close to my heart, and one that I pray
will be used by God mightily to empower moms. I cannot give specifics yet but I
covet your prayers in its fruition. Thank you J

Second, God revealed an attitude pertaining to
looking forward to the future.

When our son was born at 30 weeks old on
October 20, 2011, I learned a very valuable lesson that day: Savor each day and
take it for what it is. I learned to submit all my expectations and our
family’s future to Him. The present is my priority today. “So don’t worry about tomorrow,
for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”
Matthew 6:34

As I look
forward to 2014, to my son’s incredible growth (physically and intellectually),
to new projects, to our family’s plans, to any positive change in our nation, I
am reminded of the beauty of enjoying the present.

Today,
December 26, 2013, I weigh 112 lbs., I have awkward long/short hair, I have a
wonderful husband, a growing little boy of delight, one of my closest friends
is getting married, and another is going to have a baby. I am semi-reconciled
with my family, I am emotional but not overly so anymore I think, I am excited
to shop for a few things I need but not obsessing about them anymore (thank
God!). Overall, I am happy. No, joyful! And content. No, grateful! Definitely,
grateful yes. I am thankful for such an abundant life that is peaceful,
love-filled and is full of lessons and laughter. Most of all, I am grateful to have
Christ in my life.

I may not
know what the future will bring, and I certainly do not have control over
anything that will come our way (that includes our child’s ever-increasing
tantrums), but I have Christ and my hope will spring eternal.

So, as I
come expectant of a bright year ahead, I also recognize that the present year isn’t
finished yet. There are still several days of 2013 left to savor. Let’s begin
with today.

Today is
precious because You made it so. Today is a good day because I have You. So,
thank You Jesus for today. Kindly please bless tomorrow J

Saturday, November 9, 2013

If you’re anything like me,
I’m pretty sure you’re very particular about your toiletries, too right? I
mean, the only products on your caddy would be feel-good ones. No cheap scents,
drying bars of soaps or strong, chemical-laden “beauty” products.

As for me, my caddy is full of
Human Nature products, and this recent discovery of mine—OATMEAL.

Oatmeal has been a staple in
a lot of handmade soaps and I’ve used several ones before. But this new bar
I’ve discovered smells absolutely heavenly. The seller is called Gracey’s
Ritual, and the soap is called Oatmeal Milk. This new addition to my soapdish
is a bar of oat chunks and milk that caresses and exfoliates at the same time.
The combination of the two is intoxicatingly charming—like a mild whiff of
milky melon that lingers on your skin. And the best part is, a huge bar sells
for only P70!

This soap is comparable to
Lush’s bars; I’ve used quite a few of their variants and for the price
difference, I’d say, Gracey’s Oatmeal Bar is not bad at all!

An added note on oatmeal:
Gabbie has been plagued by heat rash and bug bites lately so I add 1/3 cup of
ground oatmeal to his tub water every bath and it seemed to have calmed his
skin irritations. He now says, “Buh-bye oatmeal” after every bath. Haha!

Sunday, November 3, 2013

It’s been an amazing eleven days for me so far.
Our helper, Manang Lourdes left for a vacation and won’t be returning until
tomorrow. In all the time she’s been gone, I’ve been handling all house chores
(with Mike, my hubby taking care of mopping the floors and taking out the trash
on some nights)—from cooking two meals (we cook one big batch for lunch and
dinner), dishwashing, sweeping, cleaning putting away fresh clothes, on top of
taking care and entertaining a toddler. I’m back to the daily grind. It’s been
exhausting, definitely but honestly, I really enjoyed this time, too.

Having no helper meant that I was back in
complete control of my household and it felt good to know its routine, and how
efficiently (or otherwise, on some days) I can run it. I was, for the most
part, two steps ahead of my to-do’s. My mind was always running, planning, and
thinking forward. And when I had everything running, I found I could let go
more, be more spontaneous because I was confident with the routine I
established.

I appreciated this helper-less time now again
that Gabbie is a toddler and he can participate or at least observe and learn as Mommy goes around doing chores. There were days when it was just the two of us
the whole day. That meant we had all the time to ourselves and it made for some unique bonding activities
together (we painted, we counted and made macaroni necklaces). He also learned to put his dirty clothes in the hamper, push out the
hampers from the rooms when we’re having the laundry picked up (by the
laundromat), and stay quietly on his mat playing or reading while Mommy is busy
in the kitchen. Some days I would bring him with me by the dishwashing area,
sit him on a stool with a bowl of cereal and a half-cup of milk and he would
snack while we sang songs and I washed the dishes. He would observe me as I
washed, soaped and rinsed the plates and I knew all these are valuable lessons
for him, too. I know because he said, "Mommy wash boo peyt (blue plate)."

Make no mistake. I’m super excited for Manang’s
return tomorrow as I could really use some sleep. But I’m not at all regretful
of the last several days. In fact, I’m quite grateful that I could really put
my 100% focus on caring for my family and our home. I’m thankful for this
opportunity to handle everything on my own again so I can re-assess,
re-evaluate how the house is being run. As an example, I discovered that Domex
as an all-purpose cleaner is awful. It left my floors smelling really bad. I’m
opting to make my own all-purpose cleaner from now on, with the aid of recipes I found
online. Check this out, Mommas: http://www.theyummylife.com/Natural_Citrus_Vinegar_Cleaners

If any of you are about to lose your helper
or are dealing with a help-less household, don’t be daunted. Your household is
yours for the taking. With the wealth of information that fellow homemakers
share online, and the abundance of grace to every homemaker (read Proverbs 31),
you’re destined to be the queen of your own home.

Oh, and don’t be afraid to take a rest whenever
you can. A power nap does wonders for the daily grind of cooking, washing,
caretaking. And this is exactly what I’m about to do now. I will join my little
sleeping baby. Happy Monday, world!

About Me

Niña Luigi Cabardo is wife to a director/artist/musician and mom to a happy, healthy baby boy who happened to be born prematurely. She’s also a writer, editor and video producer by profession and does all from home. With no previously-known housekeeping inclinations, she considers her household to be her goldmine, though juggling hubby, baby duties with household to-do’s can easily be joy-stealers. Life is full of blessings and what better way to remind one than to write about it? With this blog, she aspires to share at least one for each week. She believes there is joy to be found in spontaneous dates with the hubby, baby milestones, in the kitchen, household cleaning eurekas, and fabulous “Queen-of-the-Household” finds. Life is a blessing!