Sex Toy Queen Survives Lame Poisoning Attempt

The woman known as the Queen of Sex Toys in Britain (because they sure do like their Queens there) is back in headlines after an alleged failed poisoning attack by her nanny.

Jacqueline Gold is the British sex toy magnate, and she’s ranked among the wealthiest women in the UK thanks to a fortune amassed from the sale of fuzzy handcuffs and edible panties. But apparently someone thinks she’s also not the most pleasant woman for whom to work. Her nanny is currently charged with attempting to poison her, variously, with salt, sugar and windshield-wiper fluid—a substance that is apparently not highly poisonous when consumed in small quantities. The attempt was discovered after Gold complained to her cook that her soup tasted odd.

“You can give a poisonous substance to someone ... just to annoy them,” said Robert Forrest, a forensic chemistry professor at the University of Sheffield. “The satisfaction the perpetrator gets is from knowing that you are humiliating the victim.” Like that dangerous addition of salt, which in large doses in adults has been linked to excessive thirst. (Gasp!)

But, so far, no possible motive has been suggested by prosecutors of the case, leading this reporter to wonder if the nanny was just upset that she lost her keys to her fuzzy handcuffs.