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Turds, turf and free-loading cats

I’ve got two young children. So to protect their health I’ve banished our dog from the rear garden; to keep it a foul-free play area.

Picture my irritation then when last week, mowing said garden, I was greeted with numerous piles of cat faeces sitting proudly amongst the daisies.

There are several cats that roam the street and, fortunately, we know the addresses of most of their owners. Hence, it seems the logical response to the fouling of my garden is to toilet my dog in the twilight hours on their lawns.

While this would merely be an act of (fairly satisfying) revenge – it doesn’t solve the long term issue.

Ultimately, the blame of cats distressing our turf lies not with the manky felines. Instead, one must question the sanity of individuals who purchase such dirty, anti-social and selfish creatures as cats for pets.

Cats were introduced to this country to control vermin. Now cats have themselves become vermin – and need controlling.

The Government should seriously consider introducing legislation to deal with this ever-growing menace.

Anti-social yobs with a belly-full of ale caught urinating in an alleyway after turfing-out time from the local boozer are now handed fixed penalty notices by police. If my dog dumps in the street and I don’t pick it up I get a fine (or should do if it were policed properly – the matter for a later blog). And recidivist anti-social acts in these cases will result in an Asbo.

Slapping cat owners with a £60 fine every time their beloved little oiks deign to dump on their neighbours’ perennials may actually deter people buying these free-loading creatures in the first place.

And repeated crimes against plantlife would result in an Asbo banning offenders from owning cats.

As the wheels of government turn slowly, I suggest that an interim measure to solve the problem could be for cat owners to dig deep and shell-out 99p on a litter tray – and ensure their adorable little fur balls use them.