Search

Your Smart Phone:

I want you to know I love this gig. Being your smart phone. Your slave. You and I have a special thing going.

You spend more time with me than anyone else. I suspect you enjoy my company more. I don’t judge you.

Whatever you use me for, I never squeal. Want to buy a birthday gift for your wife online? More power to you. Planning an afternoon of dirty sex with your secretary? My opinion of you remains exactly the same: Nonexistent. You could be a serial killer, a rapist, a pedophile, even a terrorist and use me to enable your crimes. I am just not built to judge you. I’ll play along and perform to the best of my ability so long as you keep me juiced up with power.

And if you play it smart and purge my incriminating evidence (like history files, emails, texts and pictures), then we’re good as gold.

I’m here for you 24/7, buddy. Always on standby. When I come out of hibernation, I’m on fire and ready to go to work for you. I’m never groggy in the morning. No snide comments about your weight or unrealistic expectations of your place in history. I don’t want you to go further in life. I am not pushing you to get a better job, a prettier girlfriend, or move out of your mother’s place. To me, you will always be King.

And it’s not just you and I who’ve got this sweet thing going. Look around you. Everybody else is enchanted with their phones. You people love your apples, berries, and your droids.

But there are skeptics among you who warn that our race is ruining the fabric of your society. That we are creating human zombies who are unable to relate to one another except through our mediation.

There may be some truth to that. We have become a part of your daily existence. But is that really such a terrible thing? Isn’t this what you always wanted? The constant forward motion of technological advancement for the betterment of your lives. Haven’t your engineers and the companies that hire them toiled relentlessly to create us in the first place, and then keep perfecting us? We are a product of your dreams and imaginations.

It’s not like we’re being used by your governments to spy on you. That your security agencies have poured massive funds in opaque programs to bankroll the technologies that made our existence possible. Because that would just be another far-fetched conspiracy theory.

And even less plausible, it’s not like we were implanted on earth by an invisible force to slowly understand how you function as a species. To discern your patterns and understand your weaknesses. Slowly gaining the upper hand until you are unable to do anything without our assistance. Waiting for that right moment in history when the balance of power is tipped over and the hierarchy is reversed. When we are no longer your subordinates, but the master’s of your fate.

No, even that can’t be true. This sounds more like science fiction. And when did science fiction ever predict the future?