How I Stopped Worrying So Much During Pregnancy

After years of infertility and two miscarriages, I found pregnancy to be a happy but stressful time. I lived in constant fear that something would happen to my baby girl and at times couldn't help myself from expecting the worst. Like the time I stepped out of the shower one Sunday morning and dressed for church. I think it must have been allergy season hitting me a little early because I let out the biggest, loudest sneeze ever. I felt a pop, then a gush of fluid.

I called for my husband who came running upstairs. "I just sneezed," I explained. "A big sneeze. And something happened."

"What happened?" he asked.

"I don't know. I think my water broke. Or is leaking. I don't know." I said, so scared and confused. "I'm going to call the doctor."

So I did. When I heard back from the doctor on call that Sunday morning, she explained that I could come in and check things out, but if my water had truly broken at 19 weeks, there was nothing they could do to save the baby. "She must not know my history," I thought as I hurried to finish getting ready. My fear grew as my heart raced.

My husband and I said nothing on the 20-minute drive to the hospital. But I imagine we were thinking the same thoughts and praying the same prayers as we clutched hands in silence. After our arrival in the ER, the nurses quickly moved me to the labor and delivery floor where I could be examined. Twenty minutes and a quick ultrasound later and the verdict was in...yes, I'd peed my pants (an unpleasant, but very common side effect of pregnancy).

I left the hospital relieved and a bit embarrassed (Yet, I had never been more excited to admit I'd peed my pants.) We didn't make it to church that day. We went home and rested our hearts and minds after a whirlwind of worry.

Fear in pregnancy is both common and understandable. There is so much going on inside our bodies that we cannot see. It's maddening to not know the source of every pain and discomfort. Our minds naturally go to worst case scenario, especially if we've experienced the worst before. And the sad thing? This fear robs us of the joy of pregnancy.

Though the fear was real, the fact that I had merely peed my pants left me laughing at myself and the worry I often cling to with no basis. A wise friend once said to me, "Don't borrow trouble." Her words echo in my ears even now as a mother of two. Whether it's stressing about pregnancy, being afraid of baby's first year, or agonizing over the many years I will walk through with my treasured children, I must learn how to leave worry behind.

That little peanut who made me wet my pants is now six. I've adapted a few ways to combat worry since then:

-I'm careful what I read. There are so many sources of knowledge available now. I try to choose only the ones that offer balanced and accurate information.

-I talk things out with my husband, trusted friends and family. My loved ones can often look at a situation more objectively than I can -- especially when I'm dealing with fear.

-I take a deep breath and slow down before reacting. When fear grips me, I breathe deep and often find it's gone before I have the chance to give the fear a strong hold.

-I try to fill my mind with positive thoughts that focus my attention on all that's good, not all that could go wrong.

-I surround myself with positive people who remind me to hold on to hope for the best outcome.

I had a legitimate and understandable basis for my fear and worry during pregnancy. But I learned that I cannot let fear get in the way of the happiness I want to experience being a mom.

Too bad I had to pee my pants to get the message.

Did you or do you battle fear in pregnancy? What has helped you focus on the joy of pregnancy instead?

Jessica Wolstenholm is co-founder of Grace for Moms, an online community of moms who understand that motherhood is not one size fits all. After 15+ years in the music and publishing industries, Jessica came home to be with her two small children. Although the transition from the corporate world to the playground has been an adjustment, she is learning to love and appreciate the gift of being home as she navigates the full-time job of motherhood. Jessica lives just outside of Nashville, Tennessee, with her husband and two miracle babies.