Quotes you can use to start conversation or to add interest to speeches or presentations

Dating Quotes

Dating

My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away. (Jenny McCarthy)

Paddy the Irishman bet his date a dollar that he could kiss her without even touching her. When she accepted the bet he swept her into his arms for a passionate (and obviously physical) embrace. Then he produced his dollar "It was worth every cent." he said.

Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion. (Scott Adams)

I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked. (Gilbert Gottfried)

I used to be a real prince charming if I went on a date with a girl. But then I'd get to where I was likely to have a stroke from the stress of keeping up my act. I've since learned the key to a good date is to pay attention on her. (Matthew Perry)

Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment of others. (Wayne Dyer)

I like girls with tatts. You know they're used to making decisions they'll regret in the morning.

I'm the Hiroshima of love (Sylvester Stallone)

There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend. (Jack Nicholson)

Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.

The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but hold hands

My boyfriend used to ask his mother, 'How can I find the right woman for me?' and she would answer, 'Don't worry about finding the right woman - concentrate on becoming the right man.'

Dating is pressure and tension. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night? (JERRY SEINFELD)

Online dating is just as murky and full of lemons as finding a used car in the classifieds. Once you learn the lingo, it's easier to spot the models with high mileage and no warranty.

Courtship: the period when a man pursues a girl who is running towards him.

... during which a girl decides if she can do better.

Dating is really all about sex. In the conventional context, this means that the man invites the woman to go through a social encounter, the ultimate purpose of which is sexual engagement. (ALEXANDER MCCALL SMITH)

I prefer younger girls. Their story is shorter.

I was dating this girl for two years -- and right away the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name."

Been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog.

Opposites attract - and then they attack.

The advantage of dating a younger man is that everything, like hair and teeth, is still in the right place rather than on the bedside table or the bathroom floor.

I'm looking for a smart blonde girl, with a great smile, a passion for life and a great appetite. So I got a Golden Retriever.

The nice thing about a stalker is that they're always there for you.

The difference between Charles Manson and the women I've dated is that he had the grace to look like a nutcase right from the first meeting.

Another one of your 'till dawn do us part' meetings?

Using some sort of elaborate, complicated plot to get a man interested and excited is like preparing a gourmet meal for a golden retriever.

"[The lover says:] How beautiful you are, now that you love me" Marlene Dietrich

Personal ads are problematic - you have to sort the ones who are lying from the ones who are hallucinating.

womenbehindbars.com

Scrolling through the profiles has been like fishing through the bargain bin at TJMaxx in search of a pair of last year’s Prada sling-backs. You know he’s not in there, but you keep looking anyway—just in case somebody returned a gently used pair of duck boots to get you through the wintertime.

There is never anything good behind an anonymous photo. He’s either married, wanted by law enforcement, or missing eight front teeth.

My girlfriend told me I needed to be more affectionate, so I got two more girlfriends.

Beauty is just a lightswitch away

Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
Yeah, that's why I don't go there any more

I can tell that you want me.
Yes, I want you to leave.

Hey baby, what's your sign?
Do Not Enter

If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Yeah but if I saw you naked, I'd die laughing.

I'd go to the end of the world for you
Yeah but would you stay there?

Amy: Sheldon, you either say something meaningful and from the heart, or you and I are done.
Sheldon: All right. Please. Amy, when I look in your eyes and you're looking back in mine, everything feels not quite normal. I feel stronger and weaker at the same time. I feel excited and, at the same time, terrified. The truth is, I don't know what I feel, except I know what kind of man I want to be.
Amy: Sheldon, that was beautiful.
Sheldon: I should hope so, that's from the first Spider-Man movie.
Amy: I'll take it.

Sheldon: You're my girlfriend and you're not going to cater to my every need? Where'd the magic go?

Roz: "Why is it acceptable for a man to date a woman half his age, but it's not ok for a woman to date a man half her age?"
Frasier: "I don't make the rules, Roz, I just enjoy them!"

"There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away."

I've been chased by women before but not while I was awake.

I was seeing this girl for a while but then someone stole my binoculars

I make a firm policy of never having sex before the first date.

A Bachelor's Values
The idea is to have your hands on a girl, not a girl on your hands.
I think therefore I'm single
A married man has better halves; a single man has better quarters.
If it flies floats or fucks, rent it, don't buy it.

Ironically, Netflix and chill in the Dothraki language directly translates to 'Banging away like a shithouse door in a hurricane.'