Monday, 18 May 2009

Potatoes

Apparently, we're supposed to eat five portions of fresh fruit and vegetables a day. I've also just been informed by the television if you drink a gallon of water every day this will help you achieve immortality. It can't just be any water though, it has to be Volvic. Can I resist 'The Challenge'? Yes. I think I probably can.

When I was a kid, when you had pie and chips, your mum would whip beautifully crisp chips out of the fire hazard that was a permanent resident on the corner of the stove. Do they still exist? I can't remember the last time I had home-cooked chips, and have become a slave to that evil invention of the late twentieth century, the oven chip. I had some on Saturday, and they were awful. WELL IT ENDS HERE! Can anyone please tell me how I can cook chips without a chip-pan. Or I'm off to the Curry's to buy an eyesore deep-fat-fryer.

I use a fryer and it's ace. You can cook anything in it - chips, broccoli, sausages, scampi, cauliflower, carrots ... you name it. Thanks to my fryer, I've cut out all healthy food from my diet. Now I eat like the Scotch, and have become sexually-unnatractive to my partner.