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TLC aired four episodes of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo tonight, and I am still shaking my fists at the heavens for making me watch TWO full hours of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo in one sitting, which is possibly a new human record.

Besides the fatigue, the lethargy and the inevitable question of my sanity and what I am doing with my life, I feel fine. Although I do wonder if sweet, little Honey Boo Boo has taken my soul.

I watched hours’ worth of fart jokes so you don’t have to. You’re welcome.

Still, with all my disdain for this binge session, there is something oddly endearing about the Thompsons. I spend time with them week after week, and constantly shake my head at their antics. I roll my eyes at their ridiculous comments. And I am sure to get grossed out by something on every show. Yet I always come back for more, because they are like the cousins down South I never had. They are family.

In this episode, June decides that the tight-knit Thompson family is not close enough and makes special family bonding time. Like any normal fun-loving family, activities to encourage unity include drawing cheeseballs, making giant pancakes, paintin’ pottery, and four-wheeler-ridin’ in the mud.

It is also this episode where we see just how grown-up Alana is becoming when she rides the four-wheeler all by herself, and gets something of a “boyfriend,” who helps her out of the mud. See, Twitter? Little Alana isn’t so little anymore.

And, of course, the episode ends with a food fight, because why wouldn’t it?

WatchNTweet Civil War

So Anna and Michael are getting married and decide they should do so in a fancy place that June can’t even pronounce the name of. That is, if they can afford it.

Meanwhile, Sugar Bear tries to raise money by using his metal detector to find treasures. And he does find what a Civil War expert and self-proclaimed “amateur historian and reenactor” confirms is a bayonet. Yeah, whatever.

Of course, no episode of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo would be complete without fart humor. Lots and lots of fart humor. In this episode, when Mama June and Sugar Bear play “Who in the Heck Are You Committed To?” they revealed how many dates it took before they farted on one another … which was one. They romantically farted on one another on their first date. But would you expect anything else?

Vowel of Silence

Most little girls dream of a pet pony. Not little Alana, who wants a pet goat. That’s exactly what she gets: a pet goat. Well, sort of. Her family rents the goat for $5 a day. Sounds like a good price compared to how much they charge in the local petting zoos. Unfortunately for Alana, they do return the goat after a few days.

Meanwhile, June and Sugar Bear decide to take their romance up a notch. Sugar Bear even goes lingerie shopping, after the couple plays footsie and shares some spaghetti Lady and the Tramp–style, because that’s something we were all dying to see. This is even more romantic than their first-date story, which was pretty darn tootin’ romantic!

Brain Rest

After the Thompsons’ car accident, recreated for the show with claymation, Pumpkin lands in the hospital with a concussion. To celebrate her triumphant return home, the family throws a party complete with paper decorations, a throne and, of course, gobs of corn. They even write a very out-of-tune song with an accordion, along with a Pumpkin chant. Now that’s love.

But that’s not the only celebration going on here. n honor of their getting married, Anna and Michael get tattoos. Naturally they don’t know what the tattoos mean, but at least, as Anna says, “They look cool.”

Lesson learned from this: Much like one’s own extended family, Honey Boo Boo and her clan are fun in moderation—but spend too much time with the bunch, and you may end up watching them use bacon in their hair as conditioner.

Expression Of JoyThe Brady Bunch: Groovy! The Bradys: Ritual hugging Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.” Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you? The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…” The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been) Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!” Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?” The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical ProblemThe Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen. The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed. Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents. Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer. The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical SolutionThe Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens. The Bradys: Bobby gets married. Married…With Children: They hate him. Thirtysomething: If only we knew… The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

Attitude Toward SexThe Brady Bunch: Never heard of it The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it! Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No. Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident. The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses FightThe Brady Bunch: They don’t. The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens Married…With Children: Tooth and nail Thirtysomething: They stop talking The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into TroubleThe Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette. The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair. Married…With Children: By committing felonies Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket. The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.” The Bradys ”Next time, ask.” Married…With Children: By the authorities Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face. The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For FunThe Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon The Bradys: Has flashbacks Married…With Children: Exchanges insults Thirtysomething: Talks The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved MysteriesThe Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die? The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use? Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other? The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst BehaviorThe Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

Best Reason To WatchThe Brady Bunch: This is what life should be. The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now! Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it. Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life. The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To WatchThe Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses. The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now. Married…With Children: She has a point. Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real. The Flintstones: The Simpsons