Monthly Archives: May 2013

I started this particular blog post on Sunday but the WordPress app on my Kindle deleted EVERYTHING I had saved locally the minute I connected to a wifi network!!!! I was beyond pissed off and irritated so I am forced to recollect what I wrote in its entirety. My plucky nature knows no bounds and I am the first to admit that I’m glad that I don’t always say the first thing that comes to mind. However it does bear stating that I am guilty of not exactly being able to hide my contempt and disdain for certain things, much as I may try… ok, so I don’t exactly try a lot of times… Don’t judge me!! LOL

As temps reach into the mid-high 80’s with a heat index in the 90’s in many parts of the country people are reaching into the back of their closets and bringing out their lighter clothing. I must tell you that a good many of these choices should have stayed in the archives; it wasn’t right last season and nothing about the passage of this past year has made it any more appropriate. My fashion PSAs have covered just about every situation and locale except church. Some of y’all will say I’m going to hell for this post and that God said come as you are. The latter of these is true, He did same come as you are but He also wants things done decent and in order. Some of the clothing choices made are neither decent nor in any semblance of order!! Black, White, Purple, Polka Dotted or otherwise this applies to anyone going to any church in any country on the face of the planet. Whether you go to church on Friday, Sunday, Thursday, Saturday or mid-week services, this applies to you.

First and foremost, for the love of the fashion gods, just because they make it in your size does not mean you should buy it, let alone wear it!! This should go without saying but EVERY Sunday I see folks who have poured their size 16 self into a size 12. I am beautifully curvaceous and love it but you will NEVER catch me wearing anything a size too small. I will buy it larger and have it tailored.

Pantyhose with open-toed shoes… This is a no-no ladies….

Pantyhose with runs that go from your ankle up to your thigh, then you try to cover it with a prayer cloth… You cannot put pantyhose on a cactus and not expect them to end up looking like a game of Donkey Kong! I personally feel it is too damn hot to wear pantyhose but do you boo boo, do you.

Bodyshapers, Spanx, are a requirement under unlined skirts and dresses. When you come to the alter for prayer your behind should not look like two pigs fighting under a blanket.

Hats are great, I am a fan of and own quite a few: sunhats, Bowlers, Fedoras (my personal fav), Pageboys, and caps, whatever. Your hat should not block 2-3 rows of parishioners behind you nor should it be able to be spotted via satellite on Google Maps.

Men please stop wearing colored linen with matching shoes.

Tighty Whities are not appropriate underwear under linen… if you have doubts or questions about what is please consult with the women in your life… it can be your mother for all I care as long as she doesn’t also have questionable taste as well.

I have yet to grace the public with a questionable or less than stellar ensemble. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not so vain as to say that the most important thing about going to church is what you have on. No, I’m just saying that the randomness and foolishness that comes through the door detracts from what we should be focusing on.

Just because you are in God’s house doesn’t exempt you from being decent!! LMBO!! Y’all know I am my own special breed of special!!

Sometimes I think we get so wrapped up in what the world thinks about who and what we are and in never stopping moving, that we don’t take the time to slow down and really have an introspective look at who we know us to be. Like out of one of those dramatic thrillers were the main character comes home after evading arrest and assassins to find the villain sitting in the dark their favorite chair. He tells him to come and have a sit, motioning with his gun to an adjacent chair and our protagonist wearily slinks over and cautiously sits. The villain goes into this deep monologue and in it dark truths are revealed that causes him to doubt everything that has happened, everything he thinks and the motives of those around him. It’s time to have that conversation with yourself. It is past time for you to stop running from all of those things that you have been avoiding and hiding from and face the parts of you that scare and frighten you. You never know… you may end up the wiser for it.

I am freshly back from a mentally and physically exhausting week of grad work in Santa Barbara, CA and there is no rest for the wicked!! I have barely had time to unpack before I had to turn around and start my regular work week. Nonetheless, being a clinical psychology doctoral student has a way of making you realize that you have accomplished something monumental and that I should really take a moment to stop and take it all in. *insert 5 second reflective pause…* Ok, that’s done…

So, I awoke this morning in a really strange mood. It was a play–my-Metallica-playlist type of morning and I was for sure that no one was going to be given quarter today on anything. I can say that that particular mindset has changed but my BS-O’Meter still has a pretty low threshold; I think I might be wound just a little too tight right now. I am in desperate need of decompression therapy and not the kind you get from the chiropractor. I am talking about the type of decompression therapy that makes you forget that you ever had a complaint in the world. For some this constitutes a massage, happy hour, the gym and just about anything else that would make you melt and ignore any and everything. Unfortunately this isn’t something that I am afforded at this point; too many responsibilities, too many depending on me, too many, too much, too little time. So where does that leave me? It leaves me listening to my Classic Soul and R&B stations on Pandora to keep a sliver of sanity, playing intermittent Words with Friends games with my oldest friend, texting Fashion Citations to unsuspecting friends for their Mother’s Day church choices (You know who you are… LOL) and figuring out what mischief and hijinks I can get into with the least amount of effort on my part!