Dear Natalise,So I've been in this relationship for about 6 years. And we have a one-year-old child together. I'm afraid to say things aren't going so well. Honestly I've fooled around; we both did. As a result she has become over protective. I'm not allowed to have any female friends. It’s gotten to the point that I feel that I want out of the relationship. All I ask for is a female friend to talk to and get some stuff off my chest. My girlfriend says that I shouldn't need a girl to talk to, and that I can tell her whatever is bothering me. We went down that road a lot of times and when I vent about her she gets really defensive and causes a huge argument. I'm getting tired of it all. I just want to leave and take my son with me but she keeps threatening me with that idea that I'll never see my son again and that she'll make my life a living hell.

Sincerely, Emotionally lost

Dear E.L.,

Your girlfriend is right. You shouldn’t be talking to other girls about your problems, especially the problems you have with your girlfriend. Sharing such emotional intimacy with someone else must be really hurtful to your gf. And given the fact that you have BOTH cheated, it’s a double crime. If I were your girlfriend, I’d be uncomfortable, too. You guys both need to make it up to each other. Sorry, that’s just the way it goes in that kind of situation.

That being said, the bigger picture problem is that you seem to feel like you can’t share your daily issues/problems with your girlfriend. And that’s a huge deal (breaker). Have you asked yourself – why am I with my girlfriend if I can’t even tell her about how I feel? Clearly, the basic need of comfort and friendship is not there, at least right now, in your relationship.

So you have two options that I would support: 1) Stop talking to other girls about your problems and save that kind of intimacy for the person you’re supposed to talk to about those kinds of things – your girlfriend, or 2) Transition your relationship from boyfriend/girlfriend to platonic mother/father (if she’s really threatening you with your son, that might be hard depending on what she wants)…

Here’s the gist: if you want your girlfriend to play fair, then you have to play fair, too. You getting emotional comfort from another girl is not right, especially given your past tendencies. Even if your intentions are pure, you are not helping to build the trust. And if you don’t care about building trust, then you need to get out. Plain and simple.

xoxo, Natalise

p.s. SONG ASSIGNMENT – Listen to Coldplay’s new song “Every Teardrop is Like a Waterfall.” It has a great line in the bridge that goes… “So you can hurt, hurt me bad / But I’ll still raise the flag.” I know your gf is coming at you with a lot of fighting words, but for your son, you have to be the bigger person and make the right choices.

Good response Natalise! You are exactly right! Guys don't long for a girl "friend" in their lives... This is a way of saying "I want out" without saying it. The fact that she is obviously using a child as leverage so she won't be alone, and although it won't be fun, I think this guy is just going to have to make the tough decision to leave the girlfriend and fight for his son. Trust me, coming from someone who has 2 parents who have spent a miserable lifetime together, cheating on each other, and constantly fighting, but stayed together "for the kids", it would have been so much better had they divorced when I was a small child. Good luck EL.