Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Don't press Publish Post

thought about starting my review of Michael Kimball's absolutely incredible DEAR EVERYBODY and felt like I could never do it justice and so decided to wait until I felt I could say it right

sweated, ran 2.2 miles, wished I could make myself run further, sweated

got the new issue of PHOEBE in the mail and read the kickface work by my friends JOSH MADAY and MIKE YOUNG and some by GIRIJA TROPP who I don't know directly but know of and was very happy holding the new issue that you should buy now because they are doing a deal with AVERY ANTHOLOGY where they will send you both for the price of one (see Phoebe website or Ryan Call's blog for info) and thought 'I wish Ryan Call was going to keep editing this journal because the two issues he did were supreme'

watched unidentified #s on my cellphone ring over and over again not leaving msgs, talked to a friend I hadn't in a long while, felt glad

drank a fuckton of coffee

got teary eyed for no reason

felt dumb for not being able to figure out what to do with myself

wrote some shit for money

wrote a little on a new thing I have started in hopes I would be able to write fast the way I did on my novel but just can't make it come out that way again, realizing that was 'one time thing' based off of me having tried to write something with the feel of the novel for so many years and finally felt it come right

felt excited about my collection and novel and novella manuscripts in submission process, then felt defeated, then felt hopeful, then felt glad and dumb at the same time, then felt impending, then felt retarded, then felt like I wanted to eat more taco salad and I did

just now thought 'what if i could suck my own dick' but then thought I only thought that because I was thinking about what I was thinking and felt dumb for thinking that because I know for certain by now it won't happen and probably wouldn't care that much if it did by now to be honest