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Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Two posts in one day - sheesh! Be sure to visit my other post today for some creative goodness.

And then....I am beyond thrilled to be enrolled in Connie's (Dirty Footprints Studio) next class, BIG, which starts in just a few short days.

In true Connie style, she has already provided us with thought-provoking goodies. My responses are so BIG that I couldn't just keep them to myself....they are breaking out into the blog world!

Connie asked, I responded.

1.What does going BIG look and feel like to me?

Opening my arms and unfolding my wings – I can feel them emanating from my shoulder blades and hear the gentle rustling and feel both the lift as they expand me taller than I’ve ever been and the grounding as the weight pushes me down into my feet.

It feels open – like breathing beyond my body and into the universe. I exhale and the planets jostle, I inhale and the oceans gently roll in towards the shore.

It feels honest. Life is truth and when I’m this big, there is no room for anything but that.

It looks peacefully chaotic. Schedules bump around and screams of the kiddos blend with noises of traffic jams – muffled, as if I’m in a room in a downtown hotel in the city – and yet I can hear the birds chirping a rhythm to the noise and feel the wind on my cheek after it blows the weeds in the field and smell the wildflowers amidst the moist air before the storm.

It is what it is, and it is BIG and beautiful.

2.What scares me about BIG?

Being Seen. Being judged. Not only having others know me, but having to know myself. Not having anywhere to hide, anywhere to shirk away when the going gets tough.

Knowing what BIG looks and feels like, experiencing it, then failing to follow through. Becoming small again after knowing my BIGness. Letting fear or mundane tasks or the concerns of others or my own concerns about money or logistics wrap their palms around my expanding light and smoosh it down like a ball of playdough. Getting giddy through the process of sharing BIG with others…and then losing my commitment.

Sinking back into living small after Knowing being BIG. That terrifies me more than anything else.

3.What excites me about BIG?

Arriving HOME. Remembering that delicious self that has always called out to me from the time that I was a little girl curled up in the corner of my closet and dreaming to right now when I can feel the arms wrapped around me and welcoming me back, taste the tears of joy of one who is none other than myself knowing that I have re-membered.

It is so much Bigger than this as well. As I settle into home, after my rest and catching up with all that I missed, I know that it is my journey to grow even Bigger – to not leave home but to expand beyond its walls – to grow so big that I’m not in my home anymore but that it is within Me.

It is finding Community.

My journey is to be with others on this path and to radiate this BIGness to others who can hear their own invitations to return to their humanly divine selves.

4.What BIG things in my life have I already done?

Surviving. Sitting with the fires that have been started both by myself and by others. Embracing the pain of being teased relentlessly throughout school years and the turmoils of needing to feel wanted through college years and the utter simply-no-words-to-describe-it devastating loss of my father….

Taking those experiences in life and BEing, questioning, listening.

Determining that I will follow my passions even though they may change frequently. Not settling into a life of “that’s-just-the-way-it-is” but determined that while there is no One Way for everyone there is a windy, curvy, up and down, twisty turny, sensually awakening, terrifying and exhilarating Way for me.

Living every day where outings with the kids and time with my husband and drinks with friends and meals alone or shared and laundry and cleaning and painting and singing and blogging and showering Is Big and Human and Divine and Me. I express myself in human ways through making money and keeping house and raising a family and divine ways through painting and poetry and photography and smiling at strangers and GIGGLING Every. Single. Day.

I dream of this because the ME who is already this being is calling so loudly from the awakened side that I can hear it even in my sleep. If time is linear, it is a message sent back in time from BIG me to Small me telling me to keep going because I’m already BIG so I know I’m not going to fail!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

What a whirlwind weekend! We had determined to Do More rather than Buy More for our son's 6th birthday this year...and boy, did we follow through.

We now have family hangover and unfortunately, hubby has to work through it. The kids and I are sulking around the house, using our energy to stay positive and get what little accomplished that we can.

Family hangover, you ask? A hangover. Minus the alcohol. Same fatigue, same grogginess, same "wow-that-was-an-awesome-time-but-it-really-is-all-a-blur" feeling.

We do (fortunately) remember how we got home - and that was at 1 a.m. this morning after travelling back from Kings Island. The previous night was spent at a hotel, celebrating our son's birthday late into the evening with family after an emotionally-difficult day facing the illness of another family member on Sunday. We rode emotional roller-coasters followed by actual ones and have been left with a dizzy not-quite-there-yet after-effect.

It was beautiful day, a day of learning what an amusement park visit means on Family Time. We all had our moments. Towards the end of the day, we were almost ready to leave - prior to the park closing.

Certainly no one could have considered this a failure - the kids had hung in there, we had the chance to ride both kiddie rides and some adult ones, and the day had been full of fun and frivolity. But after one particularly stressful event, we decided to attempt a train ride (for a second time) that the birthday-boy wanted to do...and then call it a night.

We chose to stop fighting and just head the peaceful way. That truly made all of the difference. We stopped wondering if we should or shouldn't, raised our glasses to the evening, and just threw caution (and the possibility of a full night's sleep) to the wind. We all agree that the last hour or so was our favorite part of the day.

We chose to stop fighting lines, fighting to get things "accomplished", fighting to make sure we all found enjoyment, fighting to get everyone what they wanted or fighting to get just what one of us wanted. We had paced the entire day VERY slowly, yet we were still fighting - heat, fatigue, expectations.

We gave in...and let our hearts lead the way. We were rewarded.

We rode the train. Because we had nowhere else to be, we asked for a photo with the engineer after the ride. Not only was the birthday boy rewarded with a photo, but he got to climb up front AND ring the train bell six times.

We got ice cream. Because we had given up on trying to stay clean, we dribbled and delved into delectable deliciousness. (I was still frustrated at how quickly the ice cream was melting and how sticky everything was getting, but hey - can't let go of everything at once, eh?)

We leisurely strolled towards the park exit. Because we weren't in a rush to leave, we found a fascinating display of lights on the way out - set to alternate to music. The temps had cooled down and we strolled among a sensory buffet, watching automated flowers open and close, lights flicker, and the tower dance with color.

We allowed ourselves to get drunk.

We took in one experience after the other, releasing our minds from expectations, getting dizzy from sensual delights we imbibed.

We left after 10 p.m., kids falling asleep almost immediately, and pulled into our driveway at 1 a.m.

Yes, we are suffering from a hangover this morning. The kids go in and out of peacefulness and absolute break-downs. Hubby is suffering through the pain of standing all day at work, wanting nothing more than to sit or rest. I am doing all I can to not sleep through the day.

We will all rest well tonight, I'm sure. And after our rest, I plan for all of us to get drunk on life's offerings again as soon as possible.

Cheers.

You have to be always drunk.

That's all there is to it—it's the only way. So as not to feel the horrible burden of time that breaks your back and bends you to the earth, you have to be continually drunk.But on what? Wine, poetry or virtue, as you wish. But be drunk.And if sometimes, on the steps of a palace or the green grass of a ditch, in the mournful solitude of your room, you wake again, drunkenness already diminishing or gone, ask the wind, the wave, the star, the bird, the clock, everything that is flying, everything that is groaning, everything that is rolling, everything that is singing, everything that is speaking. . .ask what time it is and wind, wave, star, bird, clock will answer you: "It is time to be drunk! So as not to be the martyred slaves of time, be drunk, be continually drunk! On wine, on poetry or on virtue as you wish."

Friday, June 25, 2010

I stepped away from the computer, my sketchbook, my yoga mat and the house today for a different type of experience..

I was fortunate enough to spend time with our two children, my mother, and mother-in-law at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway Museum.

I'm not much one for cars - but my son's birthday is coming up soon and this was a wonderful treat for him.

Growing up in Indiana, the Indianapolis 500 has always been a tradition for us in one way or another, so it was also exciting to see some history behind it. And - for those who remember - I was lucky enough to run around that 2.5 mile race track several weeks ago. Being back there brought back AWESOME memories...I am definitely ready to sign up for the mini marathon for next year. (Ask me again in a few months and my enthusiasm may look a bit different.)

On display at the museum were several older cars. (This is the centennial anniversary for the Speedway, so you can only imagine the history surrounding it.) There were quite a few that just fascinated me mainly because of the story I knew was embedded in their fibers and bolts.

Ten miles an hour maximum? Seriously, can you imagine life at that pace? Just for a second, try to picture how your life - work, kids (if you have them), shopping, outings - would look different if it was expected that the quickest we could get anywhere ten miles away ...was an hour. Hmm.

We also watched a short film on the history of the Speedway and learned how it fell into disarray after WWII. Thanks to the efforts of one person who didn't want to see it disappear, it was returned to its true splendor and remains a fascinating world monument to this day.

One Person. With troubles, doubts, physical ailments, and obstacles just like us. There were so many more stories of individuals who started huge businesses, who thrilled on racing cars at speeds unheard of, who tested every limit not because they HAD to but simply because they could.

Something was driving them - pun intended - to go farther, faster - to know when to take a pit stop and pace themselves, but to not linger there too long.

Just as I strive to do (and would guess many of You do), they did not live life out of necessity alone. Something More drove them.

As the world changes around us and we go not ten miles an hour but sixty (or more), as we are connected with not just our neighbors though face-to-face talk but the world through online interaction, the fibers and nuts and bolts of our beings and every single thing we create are imprinted with our speed and drive.

Every thing we touched or influenced throughout the day - as we settle into our beds each evening - settles into the story that becomes Our Collective life.

Take a second and think about the story your are creating. What will relics from your life look like - both those physical items that will be left behind and those stories that will linger on in the memories and on the tongues of those who will survive long beyond your days? With no speed limit signs in our own lives, pay attention to what speed you are living...how many pit stops you take, where you choose to linger.

For me, the yoga, the writing, the creating is a new, turbo fuel for me. I can go longer, faster, with fewer pit stops. I speed along Highway 66 (the movie CARS - ya gotta see it if you haven't), I linger at the beautiful waterfalls, the old towns with more stories than can be told in a lifetime, the pit stops where the children and I frolic around a water fountain and create pages in a story that I would be happy to have attributed to my life.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

First, thank you to everyone who so quickly responded to my li'l request for help! I got over 25 "Fans" (31 as of right now) for my Facebook page which means, *drumroll*...I have an "official" site!! Yippee!

In other news, tomorrow brings another guest for Our Stories. Sara Ortiz, a beautiful idea-generating coach, will be sharing with us her strengths, humanity, and divinity. Learn more about how she stays "Sane & Satisfied" - and how you can, too! Be sure to check it out!

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Slowly but surely, I am finding another groove. This one is keeping my body and my soul jammin' and baby, we are having a GOOD time.

I will admit to not having run for probably two weeks (*gasp*! tsk, tsk, tsk...) and won't try to come up with any excuses. (Other than the fact that it has been over ninety degrees F each day, hubby has been working crazy hours, both kids are home, blah blah blah.)

I DID do the elliptical at home this morning and was instantly reminded of why I exercise in the first place. That adrenaline rush came flooding back. Honestly, I miss running (crazy, right?!) and can't wait until I find my feet on the road again.

I also have been doing yoga almost every day (at home) and re-finding the reasons I loved yoga-on-the-mat. (Thanks to Bindu Wiles and the 215800 challenge!! It's not too late to join - the challenge has been extended!) When we can let go of the right or wrong way to do it (as long as you know how to be safe), yoga is an awesome dance between the breath and the body. The mind just watches from the shadows as limbs reach from and curl into the core, breath embracing every move, silent waves of music pulsating every move and every moment of stillness.

I adore yoga.

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We're slowly finding our groove at home as well. The kids started gymnastics once a week....it is SO SO adorable! Here they are stretching before their first class:

Tee hee...seriously, as much as I whine about the challenges of being a mother - I love my kids.

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I am literally buzzing with energy right now, but am going to leave well enough alone! I have so much in store - creative offerings, giveaways, more guest stories....Eeeek!

(One last thing - as of today, there were only TWO spots left in Connie's big BIG class! I'll be there...and hope YOU will too!)

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Oh such a trivial li'l request for help....not for saving the world or helping out with any charity...just a selfish li'l request....but it would so make me happy.

See? That's you making me happy. :)

I have just created a "Fan Page" for LifeUnity on Facebook. Apparently, I need at least 25 Fans before I can get a pretty URL. (Ya know, like "http://www.facebook.com/lifeunity". Wouldn't that be pretty?)

This Facebook page will be a wonderful way to stay in touch with the goings-on of LifeUnity in short, easy-to-digest format. If you are on Facebook, Won't you please, oh-please, join me?

Monday, June 21, 2010

Such simple words that are providing something for me to follow these days. Lost as I am (but yet, not lost at all), I feel like a bat. I repeat, "It's not what I do, It's Who I Am", throwing the vibrations out into the universe. They bounce off of all of those obstacles in the way and come back to me...showing a clear path through the fears and shoulds and buts.

Through all of this, still struggling as is my nature to do, I wonder "what now"? The words that always came before were answers of what to Do. Go paint! Read! Play with the kids! Redesign the website! Get an Etsy shop up! Make Money -- be somebody!

I have lived 32 years of my life trying to answer the question, "what should I do"? Even in creating my "ideal life/day" - which is a very powerful visionary process - I laid out clear instructions for what I wanted to be Doing with my days.

I figured, as do most, that by doing something I would feel something. Hence, I think about what I want to be doing first and assume I'll feel pleasure from doing that.

I want to offer credit where credit is due: The seeds for this particular thought-plant's growth were planted by the Firestarter Sessions and Danielle LaPorte, Kelly Rae's Flying Lessons class, and Connie's Art Journal lovin. I will take credit for the growth that has occurred - through my own reflection, painting, yoga, so on and so on - but those women provided a seed, the soil, and the fertilizing words that birthed this baby. And YOU - each and every one of you who have followed, commented, or silently sent out your energy in response to my blog and posts are providing the sunlight without which all of this would cease to exist.

As the kids and I work our way through these summer days with no one to hold us accountable for our actions, we have to discuss together how our hours will develop. After my letting go of certain fears and expectations and judgments, I am as lost...or as found?...as the kids are. With no rights or wrongs of how to go about the days or get my vocation developed or keep my body fit, I find myself longing for answers to the question What Should I Do?

Ah - but that question no longer serves me. I have archived it, along with all of the pages of answers that once served to guide me. The question I now long to answer is How Do I Want to Feel? My emotions are far more connected to my inner soul than are my thoughts - the latter have been polluted by shoulds and fears and have-to's for many years. My female instinct, the goddess's singing, that divine intuition doesn't speak in logical terms.

This is only the continuation of a drawn-out beginning to a fascinating journey, one I hope you will continue to take with me.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

First - to all of the fathers out there balancing tremendous responsibilities, and to the masculine spirit within us all providing a companion to the nurturing feminine as we raise our Selves,

Happy Fathers Day.

Today is a mixed blessing for me. I shared awhile ago about the biggest loss in my life - that of my own father four years ago. It is because of that that I wish to ignore this day. Yet I also celebrate one of the greatest blessings - that of the father of my children. He is a strong, soft, humorous, deceptively deep man who so often provides that which I am not.

To him and for him, I am eternally grateful.

My gratitude flows graciously these days as I continue my journey into this unknown territory of living - this blending of Divine and Human for which I have so long striven. As with all, it is only when I let go of my life preserver that I found that I wouldn't drown.

I will continue to stress - both in my own life and as LifeUnity grows into what it was meant to become - the importance of being both Divine (the "woo-woo" stuff!) and Human (the mundane sometimes "ick" stuff). An example...

I came home after a weekend away today to realize I forgot to switch laundry before I left. Stinky wet clothes leered at me in the washer. (Please say you've done that, too. If you do, I'll admit that this isn't the first - nor the last time that this has or will happen(ed).) As I refilled the washing machine, I started reflecting on the water that was pouring in and how thankful I am to have that water...and on a post that Jenny Doh had written shortly after the devastation in Haiti.

I grabbed my camera (part of my goal being to document this whole life process!!) and just enjoyed the sensuality and blessings of WATER.

Then I closed the washer lid and went on sorting laundry.

To be human is simply divine.

Want more reasons to be grateful? Visit Kathy's blog at Everyday Bliss. First just read some of her posts and bask in the glory that is her life...the utter dedication to virtues that serve to bring Bliss. Try out a few, play her EveryDay Game, and be thankful that such reminders exist. THEN, Enter her giveaway for a gorgeous necklace and a PIG. Yep, a PIG.

I am blown away by her generosity - but she has offered to give the gift of a pig at Heifer.org in her giveaway winner's name. To give someone else the chance to have something we take for granted. If you are not in the financial position to donate - and no need to feel guilty about that - all you have to do is enter her giveaway to share the love.

****

I have more art to show you - girls I've sketched/painted that are actually exciting me (I can DO THIS!) - and more laundry to do, but tonight is about celebrating my children's father, my loving husband.

May you find reasons to celebrate tonight as well - for whatever reason or for none at all.

P.S.

(If you want something to listen to whilst you celebrate, may I recommend an awesome interview. The LOVELY Connie @ Dirty Footprints Studio was interviewed on the radio at 107.1 with some very entertaining and insightful women - of course, being the deserving celebrity that she is! - and spoke down-to-earth wisdom about the concept of Belly Love and her own process!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

I had no idea that day in the car when I decided to let the pooch over my waistband what I was doing. I had no idea that hitting "publish post" would connect me with so many going through the same issues. And most importantly, I had no idea the effect that the seemingly simple act was going to have.

Perhaps it was just fortuitous timing - who knows. But when I let go of my tummy, I let go of so many other aspects of my being as well...aspects that were no longer serving me. It has released me into a way of living that is simultaneous terrifying and peaceful and exhilarating.

I have been faced to force those judgments and beliefs that were protecting and directing me through life. They are creations that I had deemed logically unfit to hold many years ago but were somehow still imprinted into my being. Everywhere I look now, every step I take, I realize that which I was relying on before as my guides were simply constructs I'd created....constructs that were false and actually harming me.

I am floating now in a huge ocean holding onto nothing.

I feel lost because I have no direction but because there is no direction, I cannot be lost.

I feel as though I am drowning in the awareness of all the possibility, the vastness of what is, and yet because this vastness is all there is, I cannot drown beyond it.

I feel unsure of how to proceed in the mundane world without losing touch with this sense of blissful exploration with which I've been blessed, but because this mundane world and the free-flying divinity are all that exists I am already proceeding - uncertain or not.

I have so much more to say on this but am hoping to break it up into different posts - I don't want to drown you as well!! This entire process seems so unintelligible, so "out there"...and yet, it is my life. It is happening right alongside the kids' fits, the bank account being drained, and the dog puking on the wood floor. No intentions of grossing you out, but I want to make sure we stay connected on both levels...divine AND human. This is REAL.

For now, I do my yoga almost every morning. I write 800 words - sometimes WAY more (I did over 1600 a couple of days ago), sometimes a bit less. I sketch and paint for Suzi's class. I continue to look for fabrics for the Artistic Mothers Group. I create and release.

My current sketch/painting I'm working on.

It is an odd way to be -- this freedom flight yet involvement with the mundane.

The kids have been pestering me almost daily to watch another "kids show". I am certainly not opposed to t.v. However, like quoted in the movie we watched last night (Ironic, eh?!), The Peaceful Warrior, it is the habit that is the problem. I want this addiction to the t.v. to stop. So this morning, I took our Fearless Paintings and created a new environment in the room.

I love the feeling it evokes every time I see them. The kids? Eh, they'll get used to it. (We'll see what happens when hubby gets home as well!)

So I float on - releasing into the waves, flailing around every now and then when I lose trust in what is, just ....living.

It is this process which I know I am to write about, to share. I think it is this honest, vulnerable process that often gets lost - whether because we don't have the words to share it or whether we are too scared to admit that we have no idea where we are or where we are going.

For now, I have lost the words. So I'll go sit some more, live some more, and will be back to share with you as the process evolves.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Hello dear blog friends! I have had SO much going on - too much for one post! Releasing my belly and putting everything out there has made so many things swirly in my life. It is beautiful & terrifying all at the same time. That on top of two kiddos at home (i.e. no school...)...whew.

I promise to share some of these things with you but it might take a few more hours to get these experiences into words. DEEP stuff, I tell ya.

Life is continuing outside of deep, swirly energies though! To keep things rolling at LifeUnity, let's start off with the beautiful and the more light:

*****First - several days too late, Thanks so much to Kathy at Everyday Bliss for an amazing Blog award!

Seriously, to be a Blog with Substance? Exactly what I'm going for...such an honor to be thought of as such!

Kathy has not one, but TWO outstanding blogs with oodles of substance as well...writing that is directly intertwined with her daily life. Now THAT is substantially inspiring. Everyday Bliss (http://blisspot.blogspot.com) and Everyday Mommy (http://everydaymommyspot.blogspot.com/ ). I truly honor her discipline in not only living her virtues but sharing the process with us as well!

OOOH, and Kathy also featured me in one of her posts - on MOXIE! Whoo hoo! check it out here! I am SO SO honored!

(Don't forget - Kathy shared her story with us as well at Our Stories!)

****Ready for something BIG? I have no doubts you that you are.

Check out the BIG workshop that just opened over at Dirty Footprints Studio! I've already joined up...and hope you do too, soon as space is limited!

Explore, play, LIVE BIG. Class starts in July and believe me, you owe it to yourself to go through this process.

I haven't had a chance to take this class yet but am so excited to explore it. (Alas, the other classes I'm in have tied me to a chair and made me swear I'm not going to commit to anything else until I finish at least ONE.) Please, take it and share your wisdom with me!

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The lovely Sara at Sara Ortiz Workshops has provided me with some WONDERFUL answers for a guest post at Our Stories! I'll have them up within the next couple of days...you'll want to be watching for a chance to get to know this inquisitive beauty.

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I promise, More coming VERY soon - from more lovelies to share with you to some oh-so-deep life-changing revelations in my own world....

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

I ran this morning. And when I say ran, I mean jogged. And when I say jogged, I mean painfully-sweated-through-an-a.m.-something-or-other-where-I-was-moving-my-legs-with-no-real-intention-other-than-finishing-so-I-could-get-some-water.

I THANK all of those who commented that I motivated them to start running or exercising or just plain moving because it is You who now motivates me. Knowing you were out there - somewhere - this morning got me out of bed and on the road. Around 2.5 miles later I was done, but so grateful I had done it.

And oh my, those thoughts that come during running.

I ran this morning with my IPod. During the last few weeks of training for the mini-marathon and during subsequent runs (sadly around 1 time / week), I have rarely used it.

It was interesting - the entire experience felt different. I had an awareness of how the tempo of the music effected my mood, my thoughts, and my pace. I watched as I got carried away on thoughts that were drilled in from lyrics (You better believe I'm a fighter, Miss Christina!). I listened as my mind defined hills differently - SO easy or freakin' impossible - depending on what part of the song I was on.

I wouldn't say it was better or worse than running without music...just different.

And so it is.

No right or wrong, just different. Different perspectives, ever-so-slightly different experiences that create different definitions that create more blissful awareness of the depths of possibility in each moment.

21.5.800.

My yoga has consisted of a few sun salutations and legs-up-the-wall while devouring a delicious book (Women Who Run With the Wolves...yeah, I'm probably the last one to read this). It is my yoga practice for the day. Different than other days, perhaps, but not wrong.

As far as the writing? I am writing this blog, emails to customer service providers pleading for information on how a domain transfer happens, and a great deal of journaling as I delve into thoughts prompted by Flying Lessons and The FireStarter Sessions. I've counted some words in the journal but want to focus more so on the process...my awareness that I am writing and that whatever form I'm using, to whomever it is directed, it is important.

Right then, right there, it is my voice and everything it has to express in that moment.

There is no right or wrong way to express it, just different ways. Today, 800 words is probably too few to share it all. Tomorrow, 800 might be far too many.

Amidst the journaling, I keep my sketchbook close by as thoughts prompt visual inspiration. I sketch, following lessons I'm learning in Suzi Blu's class, which sometimes releases my thoughts...and sometimes brings them right back flowing through my pen into my journal.

Playing with perspectives and keeping entertained by it all. Tomorrow, I might forget to do this and get bogged down by the crap that I keep tripping over throughout the house. The day after, I may remember...I may not.

The challenge is for 21 days (starting today, June 8th), 5 days of yoga a week, and writing 800 words / day.

And guess what?

I'm joining up.

I know, I know...I said no new things. BUT, to be fair, I'm already trying to re-establish a daily yoga practice. While I will try to focus on doing on-the-mat yoga for my own disciplinary reasons, I also firmly believe in a broad definition of yoga. (See Susannah's take on the matter.) As long as I am intentionally practicing yoga, I'm going to count it.

And the 800 words / day? Again, I'm already technically working on this one. They'll probably be broken up across different projects, but between the free writing, journal writing, and blogging that I'm trying to incorporate daily this should be a breeze.

As Bindu put it on her blog, "The main point is to get writing writing writing and push yourself with loving-kindness to get that thing out that is nagging at you and to go beyond what you usually do. To carve the space for yourself that creative works requires."

Now THAT is a practice I can incorporate no matter what I'm doing!

I'll post updates periodically on here and probably through Twitter (Did you notice I'm on there now?! Holy schmoly, I've joined the trend!! Click on my "Follow Me" button so I can feel loved...) However, this process is primarily another way to strengthen my own discipline.

Feel free to check in with me if you'd like.

And why not join yourself? Everyone could use a little more lovin' and creatin' in their lives. That's all it is...a challenge to find your spirit and soul again.

Monday, June 7, 2010

With summer here (at least according to our calendar) and both kids at home, we've all been playing.

We're playing with each other, by ourselves, and with our schedules. We're playing with this change.

We've played my way.

Indiana Vintage Wine Festival.

They did have kids' events & tents for those parents they knew couldn't stay away from a wine festival but who simply had to bring their children along. I promise they didn't have a horrible time.

Not that you would believe that by my son's face.

We've played their way.

at The Splash Pad,

an area maybe 10 minutes from our house that opened last fall.

We just learned about it today. Open Fridays-Mondays...and FREE.

Looks like we just found our new summer hangout.

Day by day, we're figuring out how to play together.

***
As with all things in life, lessons learned in one practice apply to all practices.

With my art and developing vocation, I've been playing. If I try to take it too seriously, I get frustrated and want to quit. (Same with the summer...if we try to adhere to much to a schedule or "shoulds", things seem to fall apart.)

These are all "not exactly right" if I look at them and scrutinize through work eyes. My mind picks out all the things that aren't right with the final outcome.

But looking through my play mind? Ah, the process was delicious. I'm loving just sitting down with a pencil and creating. My mind revels in all of the things that are right...that I'm doing this (!), that there is beauty in each one, that this is really my life.

***

Each day now, I play. With the kids, my art, my schedule, my tummy (suck it in. let it out. suck it in. let it out.), my perspectives.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

How do I follow up after a post like that? How do I express my awe, my gratitude, my heartfelt sadness to all who have responded? I get you. I feel you. I am so sorry you have to go through this. THANK YOU from deeper places within me than I am aware for sharing your comments, your honesty, your selves with me.

It is the morning after a mind-blowing time and I've been putting off dealing with it. I've been lying in bed, not writing any posts...because how can anything I do now compare?

I put myself completely out there. I received such authentic love. We experienced a deep connection that I was totally not expecting. And then we rested in what it meant - what it means.

And now, I don't know what to say. It's kinda akward. I don't want to leave you hanging, to sneak out the back door and say, "Hey, that was great!...maybe I'll follow up in a few years". But I also can't sit here, wrapped in the warm lovin', leaving both of us to keep thinking.

Life does go on.

So I'm up now, getting this hard step - this first after-post - out of the way. It's no where near as exhilerating as what we shared before. But because we shared that...because I put myself out there for you and because you...Yes YOU...responded and felt and were honest and loving and human...we can both giggle and return to a life that is substantially more intriguing and full of possibility than the one from which we came.

I have so much more to share with you. I feel more alive, more ready to talk with a voice that is Authentic. The experience of sharing has LITERALLY changed my life.

But first, I'm going to go get some food. I need nourishment, ya know? Want anything? You stay, rest...

I promise I will be right back.

And together, pooches against our waistbands, strength within our cores, we will breathe a little easier and share so much more.