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Diane Konos Lassan -- Tape 10:A:1

Recorded May 2, 1990
Transcribed by Lisa Whalen and Kathleen S. Medicus

My name is Diane Konos Lassan, and I live in Kent. I'm thirty five years old.
I was not here on May 4th, 1970, I was a high school student at the time at
South High School in Youngstown. I'm here today because I'm employed at the
library, in the cataloging department. I came to Kent, originally, in the fall
of 1972 as an art student. I had a scholarship for two years. I struggled
through my third year, and started a work study job at the library, and then was
hired full time at the library in the fall of 1975. And I have been at the
library since that time, in a variety of departments.

I do have strong feelings about what happened here, on May 4th, twenty
years ago. I was shocked and saddened at the time, and I am still shocked
and saddened. As much exposure as I've had to it, being on campus on a
daily basis, it still affects me. In the past, I have, for the most part,
stayed away from the commemorations and the programs. I'm not sure why,
except that, there was a period in the late seventies where it began to
get away from the true purpose, or what I felt to be the true purpose
of, such programs. It seemed as if it was becoming more of a soapbox for
various political factions to espouse their views. And while May 4th was
a political issue, they didn't seem to be addressing the political issues
that were directly -- that caused May 4th. They went off in all different
directions. And so I really preferred to stay away from it. I didn't like
to see it becoming a circus, and many times that the way it seemed. With
this twentieth anniversary, I do want to participate in some of the activities.
It's a landmark. I have expected the media hype, and perhaps am more prepared
for that. I'm not sure why I felt moved to come here and make this tape,
except that it does still have a strong emotional impact on me.

The first year that I was here, for May 4th, I was a freshman, and it
was May of 1973. I did participate in the candlelight walk, and the vigil,
and the program, such as it was. I -- I don't remember much beyond a one-hour
program. What I won't forget is that the feeling, the mood that night,
after I went on the candlelight walk. There was a group of us that returned
to the Center for Peaceful Change, which was, at that time, in a very
small building on front campus. I believe that was the Planning and Placement
Center, perhaps it still is. We sat in there all night, we talked. Someone
had a guitar, he played various songs and sang. At one point, he started
to play the tune by Crosby, Stills and Nash, which mentions May 4th, and
someone else put a stop to that, and said something to the effect of,
"This is not the place for that." I really don't remember what we talked
about that night, but I will never forget the feeling of closeness, between
all of us who were there. I've long since forgotten many of the names
of the people who were there with me, but I do remember the mood. And
the times were just different then. That -- that one night, sort of embodies
the times, for me.

We may have napped, I don't really remember napping. We watched the sun
rise, and momentarily returned to our dorm rooms to freshen up a little
bit. I had a 7:45 class, in Earth Science, which I went to. My scheduled
time to stand vigil was not until mid-morning. So, after my class, I came
over to the student center, and there was a nap room at that time, off
the women's restroom. And I took a nap, and then went over to the Prentice
parking lot, where I stood vigil for Sandra Scheuer. I particularly wanted
to stand in the spot where she fell, because she was also a Youngstown
native, and I felt a little bit closer to her for that reason. What struck
me at the time, and still does occur to me, is that, I could have been
at that demonstration. Or someone I knew could have been at that demonstration,
and could have been one of the students killed or wounded. That's a very
shocking realization. None of those students deserved the wounds- or certainly,
to lose their lives, simply for being at that demonstration. That's a
very hard fact to accept. It makes one aware of the mortality of -- of
us all.

I don't really know what else to say, I -- what really moved me to come
here, I suppose, was just that I wanted to participate, and I wanted to
share my feelings from that night in 1973. I'm not sure why it still has
such a hold on me. I suppose in a very personal sense, the fact that this
is the twentieth anniversary of May 4th, makes me painfully aware of the
passage of time. I have been aware of it, of course, but this kind of
brings it home. As the new students come up and move into a certain position,
and as May 4th becomes more of an historical event, which I believe it
probably is for the newest students here, it pushes the previous history
even further back into ancient history. When I hear someone speak of something
that was thirty years ago, I still think somehow, that they should be
talking about the year 1950, not 1960. I suppose every person who thinks
about these things must at some point come to that realization. And I
guess I have. The fact that I'm here on campus, in a very ordinary capacity
everyday, dulls that for me, to a large extent, except for times like
this. And that's sometimes not all that pleasant, or easy to accept. But,
it's good to acknowledge those feelings, I believe.

I don't know if they will ever really, truly discover what happened here.
I don't think so. I don't think the people that were there, that were
involved directly, even know themselves. It was a terrible tragedy, and
I admire those people who have been able to get on with their lives, under
such trying circumstances. I don't really have anything more to say about
May 4th, I guess I'll sign off now.

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