a beautiful star

By Anonymous · March 24, 2001

I've always loved (and still love) tattoos and piercings. Unfortunately, my
parents don't. So, when I wanted a tattoo at 15, I knew there was no way
unless I did it myself. After careful thought I decided I did not want another
tattoo. I have one self-done tattoo on my ankle.
I was beginning to get
into Wicca, and decided on a five-pointed star. I wanted a pentagram, but I
knew I would not be able to make a nice circle. The underside of my wrist
seemed like a good spot, but proved to be a not-so-smart location (ill get
into that in a bit).
So, one night after everyone was asleep (I'm a night
person, luckily, so my mom wasn't suspicious why my light was on), I lit
candle, then rummaged through my nighttable for an exacto blade. I chose to
use a dull one because the blade had more width to it. Next I drew the star on
my wrist with washable marker. I was beginning to get very anxious and giddy,
so I had to take a few calming breaths. I already knew what it was going to
feel like, since I had already been cutting and burning myself for a few
years.
After I was nice and relaxed, I heated the blade until I could
smell the metal, then lined it up with the marked and pressed down as hard as
I could stand. There was a slight sizzle sound when the metal hit my flesh.
It didn't hurt much at all, but I'm sure all the adrenaline rushing through
my veins had a lot to do with that. My whole body was filled with a warm and
somewhat calming feeling. I went on and did the other four lines, but those
went much faster than the first one. Then I re-did the five lines a couple
more times. It was fun, for lack of a more descriptive word. My wrist kind of
went numb and all I could feel was the warmth. I admired my wonderful star for
quite a while. I was in a sort of daze, I guess. After a while I snapped back
to reality and remembered I had school the next day (well, later that day
would be more accurate), I crept into the bathroom and washed the burn in cool
water. It was red all around the burn, but it didn't really hurt yet. I peeled
off the burnt skin, with minimal pain and went to sleep.
The next morning
it looked about the same as I did when I went to sleep. Which, is now obvious
to me why- I had only slept a few hours. About halfway through the day, I
checked it again and some crusties had formed. I was at school, so there
wasn't much I could do about it. Ha, ha, I could have gone to the nurse!
"Umm, Mrs. Miller, can I have some antibacterial stuff for this?" Now that I
think about it, that would have been pretty funny. In my twisted sense of
humor, at least ;). It's a good thing I did this in winter so I could hide it
under long sleeves. It was a bit sore for the next couple days, but
manageable. On around the second day it got a thin scab, which I peeled off.
Okay, am I the only one who thinks minor burn scabs are fun to peel off?
During the following week or so a new scab would form, and I, of course,
peeled it off. I usually picked and peeled it in class when I got bored.

Well, anyway, the healing went along good considering my lack of cleaning it,
but I would highly recommend anyone doing this to keep their art clean.

About a month later I had a nice-looking scar. It was getting warm out, and I
forgot to wear longsleeves around my mom one day. (BIG mistake) This is when
I had realized a different spot would have been wiser. She saw it and flipped
out. I tried to explain to her that I viewed it as art and I wasn't doing it
to hurt myself. But, she tends to over-react and made me go to a
psychologist. After wasting a bunch of money, the doc told my mom I'm a very
strange girl, but besides that, I'm okay. So, for anyone with over-reactive
parents, make sure you keep your art covered, even if you think they won't
notice.
Now, its over three years later, and all I have left is a little
dot on my wrist. I wish it would have lasted, but at least I still have the
memory of it. I keep telling myself ill redo it one day. Someday...

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submitted by: Anonymouson: 24 March 2001in
Scarification

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Artist: meStudio: my+bedroomLocation: united+states

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