WWJP?

The only aspect of this post I can take credit for is providing the photo which catalyzed a side-splitting bit of fun in the BCC permas (current and emeritus) Facebook group today.

I snapped this on my way into Sacrament meeting this morning. It was only my fourth week attending my new ward and the first time in my life I’ve ever seen reserved stake presidency parking. I shared the image, asked “Is this a thing?”, noted that the stake Relief Society presidency’s reserved spots were conspicuously absent, and then the fun began.

First came the bribes. Cynthia offered me $20 and maybe even some jam to sneak over in the dead of night and stencil the RS spots in myself. Kyle pledged another $5. Tempting! But then Angela opined that this was a “Scout project gone wild” causing Cynthia to revoke her bribe and rally for the Activity Days girls to make a project out of stenciling the Relief Society spaces instead.

But things went to a whole new level when Sunny jumped into the fray. Running with the oft-repeated notion that all church members are equally important, from a nursery leader all the way up to the prophet, she flooded the thread with genius suggestions of alternative stenciled parking space ideas. It was a beautiful thing to behold; more inspired than anything I heard in church. We were in awe. Crowd favorites of hers include:

Front Row Family

Former Bishop

Visiting Authority

Pioneer Stock

Pays on the Gross

Modesty Police

Extended Family of General Authority

Self-appointed Greeter

New Convert (valid only two Sundays after baptism, after which you will be assigned a numbered space)

Investigator

MoTab Hopeful

Totally Should Have Been EQP

Modestly Hot

Ward Basketball MVP

Possesses Library Key

Romney Campaign Contributor

Year Supply

Two Year Supply

Calling Magnifier

Totally Quit the Porn

All Kids Married in the Temple

ZL in First Area

Never Felt Unequal

Tastiest Sacrament Bread

Totally In With All the Youth

DoTerra Rep of the Month

Top Name Extractor

This is a sample, people, A SAMPLE. Her genius was contagious. Contributions from others:

The Least of These (Jacob Baker)

Consistent Sunday School Conversation Derailer (Ben Park)

Newest Priest (Emily Jensen — you can thank her for the title of this post, too)

Token Minority (Sam Brunson)

Eagle Scout Mom “but not YW medallion mom” (Mark Brown)

War in Heaven General (BHodges)

And perhaps my favorite comment of them all: “Reserve one for Elijah, too.” (Jeremy G.)

Permas, which favorites did I miss? Everyone else, any suggestions of your own?

Our stake president and his counselors arrive at the stake center on Sunday a little before 6 a.m. and go home around 5 p.m. on average. Consequently, they have their pick of parking spaces without needing a reservation.

Just for my current building with a tiny mother’s room, but several men who regularly harass nursing mothers:
Three spots marked off with crime scene tape, with Nursing Mother’s Area stencil on the ground, a roof over head and a bunch of rocking chairs. It should be as far away as possible from the YM and EQ rooms, so they can pretend that breaststroke have no biological function. Or maybe it should be as close as possible.

So, I think if this Stake President and Counselors get a parking place their wives should get one, too. After all, they can’t arrive and leave in one car, they need two or more. (Cars not wives.)
I have often wondered how close we are to getting names engraved on pews. I thought we might be getting closer, then I realized that this is about remembering who is in charge inside and outside of the church building. These high profile callings now privilege them to special parking places but we all know where they sit–front and center of every meeting. I just hope my Idaho leaders don’t catch wind of this.
Maybe the bigger service to these leaders would be to white-wash away their privileged spaces for them. I wonder if they would paint them back on.

I’m in favor of reserved parking spots, but only if they use the initials from the Kirtland temple pulpits, with Aaronic presidencies parking on the west side of the parking lot and Melchizedek on the east. (Since deacons and teachers are usually too young to drive, their reserved spots can be outfitted with bike racks.)

James, perhaps the painters assumed the presidency would back into their designated spots so that the front of the vehicle faced out. This would put the 1st counselor on the right, 2nd on the left, and assure all who parked in the lot which mini-van had the authority to lead.

First (through Fourth) Horseman
Cometh Speedily (for whomever gets to church first–comes with bragging rights)
At Least You’re Clean (for someone who is late to church because they were literally or figuratively showering)

Killing me, you guys. Turtle Named Mack: We very nearly found out what happens. We only noticed the stencil because my husband unknowingly pulled into that space. When I told him “You can’t park here, apparently it’s reserved for the SP” he thought I was joking. I halfway expected him to back out, confirm that I was telling the truth, then pull right back in.

I’ve only seen reserved parking for the stake presidency in one place, Colorado Springs, Colorado. I hope that is the only place where it exists, and hope it soon ends there. I don’t mind reserved parking at the temple for the temple presidency, and I don’t mind reserved parking at church headquarters for the First Presidency, but I have a hard time stretching to a stake presidency. If I’m ever on a high council in such a place, maybe I’ll ask the question.

Weird Prepper Guy
Guy who carries non-correlated books to church along with the scriptures
Guy who gets around the no politics in church rule by constantly talking about how much his “friend” was inspired by Mitt Romney
Person who keeps their spouse from being called to leadership positions
Bowtie guy
Fashionista

Family of Perpetually Crying Children
Older Couples who Complain about Perpetually Crying Children (near the door)
Ph.D. in Scriptural Studies
Almost Got His Ph.D. in Scriptural Studies
Thinks He Should Receive an Honorary Ph.D. in Scriptural Studies
Zumba Moms (near Cultural Hall)

There was a recent ranking of the top ten snobbiest towns in the US. It caught my attention because the town where I grew up ( Bethesda, MD) and the town where I own a business(Rockville ,MD )
Both made the top 10. I hardly feel worthy of the honor.
Just wondering if we could put together
a top ten list of snobbiest wards( or stakes ) in the church.