Conversation Messages (Principles Of Conversation (The Principle of…

maxim of tact- do not impose or challenge others, as what they wish to do

Maxim of Generosity- confirm the other person's importance

Maxim of Approbation- praising someone or complimenting the person in some way

Maxim of Modesty- minimizes self-praise, but rather the other person

Maxim of agreement- your seeking out areas of agreement and expressing them

Maxim of sympathy- the expression of understanding, sympathy, empathy, and supportiveness

The Principle of turn taking: Conversation is a process of turn taking.

Speaker Cues: As a speaker, you regulate conversation through two major type of cues; turn-maintaining and turn-yielding. Turn-maintaining cues are designed to help you maintain the speaker's role, for example, by audibly inhaling to show that you have more to say, or continuing a gesture or gestures to show that you have not completed the thought. With turn-yielding cues you tell the listener that you're finished and wish to exchange the role of speaker for that of the listener, for example, you can indicate that you've finished speaking by dropping your intonation, by prolonged silence, by making direct eye contact with a listener.

Turn-Maintaining Cues

audibly inhaling breath to show you have more to say

continuing a gesture to show you haven't completed your thought

avoiding eye contact

sustaining the intonation pattern to indicate that you're going to say more

vocalizing pauses to prevent the listener from speaking

Turn-Yielding Cues

tell the listener that the speaker is finished and wishes to exchange the role of speaker for the role of listener

Listener Cues: As a listener, you can regulate the conversation by using Turn-requesting or Turn-denying cues. Turn-requesting cues let the speaker know that you'd like to take a turn as speaker. Sometimes you can do this by simply saying, "I'd like to say something" but most often you do it more subtly through some vocalized 'er' or 'um'. You can also indicate your reluctance to assume the role of the speaker through Turn-denying cues by intoning a slurred "I don't know" or avoiding eye contact or grunting to signal you have nothing to say.

Turn-Requesting Cues

let the speaker know that you would like to say something and take a turn as speaker

Turn-Denying Cues

to indicate your reluctance to assume the role of speaker

Back channeling Cues

used to communicate various types of information back to the speaker without assuming the role of speaker• to indicate agreement or disagreement• to indicate degree of involvement• to pace the speaker• to ask for clarification

Interruptions

are attempts to take over the role of the speaker

Backchanneling Cues: Are used to communicate various types of information back to the speaker without your assuming the role of speaker. Some researchers call these "acknowledgment tokens"-- brief utterances such as "mm-hm", "uh-huh", and "yeah" to tell the speaker you; re listening.To indicate agreementTo indicate degree of involvementTo pace the speakerTo ask for clarification

Interruptions: Are attempts to take over the role of speaker. These are not supportive and are often disconfirming. Often interpreted as attempts to change the topic to a subject that the interrupter knows more about or to emphasize the person's authority. Those in superior positions most likely interrupt the inferior. The popular belief is that men interrupt more than women.

The Principle of dialogue: Conversation is dialogic.

Each person is a speaker and a listenerThe objective is mutual understanding and empathyThere is respect for each other

ideal dialogic (two-way)monologic (one-way)

Monologue: communication in which one person speaks and the other listens; there's no real interaction between participants.

Dialogue: conversation in which there is genuine two-way interaction. Each person is both speaker and listener, sender and receiver.

Dialogue- each person is both speaker and listener; sender and receiverMonologue- one person speaks and the other one listens

The Principle of Process: Conversation is a development process.

Opening - greeting Feedforward - opens channels of communication (starting topic statement/question)Business - consists of the substance and purpose of the communication (communication is goal-directed)Feedback - the act of reflecting on a conversationClosing - may summarise conversation but always end the interaction

Opening- the first step is to open the conversation with a greetingFeedforward- (the second step) which gives the other person a general idea of the conversations focusBusiness- (the third step) the focus of the conversation Feedback- (the fourth step), the reverse of the second step, a reflection on the conversationClosing- (the 5th/last step), the goodbye, which often reveals how satisfied the persons were with the conversation

The Principle of Immediacy.

Communicates both verbal and non-verbal messages:

Self-Disclose- revealing something significant about you

Refer the qualities of the other person- dependability, intelligence, character

Express the positive views of the person and relationship

Talk about commonalities- things you are the other person have done or share

Competently communicate your choice- use skills learned throughout this course

Everyday Conversations

Apologies

Excuses

Apologies

Tips for effective apologies

expressions of regret or sorrow for having done what you did or for what happened; often includes a request for forgiveness. Useful because they help repair the relationship and repair the reputation of the wrongdoer.

Tips for effective apologies.

a. Do admit wrongdoing if indeed wrongdoing occurred.b. Do be apologetic.c. Do state in specific rather than general terms what you've done.d. Do express understanding of how the other person feels and acknowledge the legitimacy of these feelings.e. Do express your regret that this has created a problem for the other person.f. Do offer to correct the problem whenever this is possible.g. Do give assurance that this will not happen again.

Complimenting

message of praise, flattery, or congratulations

Functions of complimenting Functions as a way of relating to another person with positiveness and immediacy, as a conversation starter, and to encourage the other person to compliment you.

Suggestions for giving a compliment

a. Be real and honest.b. Compliment in moderation.c. Be totally complimentary.d. Be specific.e. Be personal in your own feelings.f. Compliment for accomplishments rather than for who they are or for things over which they have no control.

Introducing People

Mention brief details about how you know the people.

Mention commonalities between the two.

Avoid disclosing sensitive information.

Use the handshake when in the U.S. Follow culture-specific rules when in other countries.

Advice Giving

Advice

Meta-advice

Suggestions for giving advice.

Suggestions for responding to advice.

process of giving another person a suggestion for thinking or behaving, usually to effect a change

a. To explore options and choices.b. To seek expert advice.c. To delay decision.

a. If you asked for advice, then accept what the person says.b. Resist the temptation to retaliate or criticize the advice-giver.c. Interact with the advice.d. Express your appreciation for the advice.

Small Talk

Used to pass time, be polite, and confirm that all is well with you.

Small talk topics are non-controversial and conversation is relatively short

Conversational Disclosure: Revealing Yourself

Guidelines for Self-Disclosure

disclose out of appropriate motivation, disclose in the appropriate context, disclose gradually, disclose without imposing burdens on yourself or others

Guidelines for Facilitating and Responding to DisclosurePractice the Skills of Effective and Active ListeningSupport the DiscloserBe Willing to ReciprocateKeep the Disclosures Confidential

Rewards and Dangers of Self-Disclosure

revealing private info about ourselves to others

Risks of Self-Disclosure: rejection, creates a negative impression, decrease in relational satisfaction, loss of influence, loss of control, hurt the other person

Dyadic Effect:you are more likely to disclose when the other person has disclosed (reciprocity is key to intimacy)

Rewards of Self-DisclosureSelf-KnowledgeCommunication and Relationship EffectivenessPhysiological HealthReward of Self-Disclosure - Self-KnowledgeYou gain a new perspective on yourself and a deeper understanding of your own behaviour. Self-acceptance is difficult without self-disclosure. You accept yourself largely through the eyes of othersReward of Self-Disclosure - Communication and Relationship EffectivenessYou understand the messages of another person largely to the extent that you understand the personReward of Self-Disclosure - Physiological HealthPeople who self-disclose are less vulnerable to illnesses and less likely to feel depressed. The physiological effort required to keep your burdens to yourself seems to interact with the effects of the trauma to create a combined stress that can lead to a physical illness

Influences on Self-Disclosure

who you are, your culture, your listeners, your topic, your media

Factors Influencing Self-Disclosure - Who You AreHighly sociable and extroverted people self-disclose more than those who are less sociable and more introvertedFactors Influencing Self-Disclosure - Your CultureDifferent cultures view self-disclosure differently. Some cultures view disclosing one's inner feelings as a weakness and some cultures view that as normalFactors Influencing Self-Disclosure - Your GenderWomen disclose more intimately (and with more emotion) when talking with other women than with men. Men and women, however, make negative disclosures nearly equally. More specifically, women disclose more than men about their previous romantic relationships, their feelings about their closest same-sex friends, their greatest fears and what they don't like about their partnersFactors Influencing Self-Disclosure - Your ListenersSelf-disclosure occurs more readily in small groups than in large groups. Dyads are the most hospitable setting for self-disclosure. (dyadic effect = what one person does, the other does likewise)Factors Influencing Self-Disclosure - Your TopicYou're also more likely to disclose about some topics more than others. Canadians also seem to be hesitant to share information about their accomplishments and achievements. Considerations of modesty and humility may inhibit disclosures of this nature. Researchers found a "disinhibition effect" that occurs in online communication where people often seem less inhibited in communication