I Fucking HATE Babies or; Happy 100.

Five hours. That’s how long I had to sit in-between three fucking screaming babies on a bus yesterday. That shit is not on. There should be a rule where you can’t take babies on buses or trains or any form of public transport, but if you really had to take them it would cost something extortionate, like £200 a stupid baby. And there should be a time limit on when you can kick off. Like, say you wanted to take two babies onto the train. That would cost you and extra £400 on top of the ticket price, and once your babies have been pissing me off for twenty minutes I’m allowed to kick the shit out of them and then you (you being the mother in this scenario). I think that would discourage parents enough. I also think it’s a reasonably fair request.

Why even take a fucking baby anywhere? They don’t give a shit. I can guarantee you not one of those babies yesterday turned to its parent and said “Oh, by the way, good shout coming to Newport. The hustle and bustle of London was beginning to get a bit much for me and I can do with the fresh air, truth-be-told.”

It’s just a fucking baby! An ugly, smelly, disgusting tiny human. They suck. There’s no need to take them anywhere. If someone wants to see your baby that bad let them come to you. In your home. Don’t take your baby out anywhere until it’s old enough to do the lottery.

And to all you people who “love” babies and say things like “Oh! Isn’t he adorable” and “Oh my god she is the cutest thing!” You are full of shit. There is no such thing as a cute baby. There is no such thing as an adorable baby. Every baby looks just like the next baby and the next baby just so happens to look like a smashed-up sack of tomatoes. which is actually a far sight better than reality, because the reality is that the next baby is not a smashed-up sack of tomatoes. It’s a smashed up sack of shit and at least tomatoes have nutritional value.

This is my 100th blog entry. It was going to be a light-hearted look back at the last two years but you just couldn’t keep it in your pants, could you?