Marge, bless her wrinkled stockings, loves to look at large erections and will no doubt be going up and down on one most of the day.

That or shopping for designer clothes, so my credit cards prays she gets stuck in the Eifel tower lift.

I'm sat cafe on the Champs Elysee, it's a sunny crisp winters day, you can see your breath but at my age that is almost nice to see that as it proves I'm alive.

I'm here to interview my lovely writing friend Hache L. Jones.
Hache is an important lady to me as she the first writer signed to my brand new publishing company, Kensington Gore Publishing.

Kensington Gore Publishing, is an exciting new venture in my life and I'm working closely with the directors of the company the fabulous Miss Leesa Wallace, she does all the hard work, is the driving force and brains of the operation and that other bloke Graeme Parker, I think he makes the tea.

Anyway, we've set up the online publishing company, to help up-and-coming writers get a foothold and take those first few tentative steps into getting their work published.

Writers that don't normally have the confidence or the know-how to even self publish say or how to get their work to a high enough level to sell and to build up an audience for their work.

I always like to help the little man, or woman, contrary to whatever my little woman might say.

Some up and coming writers are put off by the price of an editor, proof reader, or trying to get a decent front cover for their book.

They need hands on advice on the best ways to structure the book, marketing or how to just bloody get it out there.

I like to help people and the more they can get it out there, the more I like it.

There is lots of people making money off writers a lot of it is overpriced services, there are some good people out there and I've worked with the best. But sadly, they seem to be the exception to the rule.

I've had friends and family quoted ridiculous prices for designing the most simplest book covers or charged through the teeth for very ordinary edits of their book. Where the editor has left gaping holes in the text, bad grammar, punctuation or rotten sentence structure.

They promise new inexperienced writers the earth. At Kensington Gore Publishing we plan to make it realistic and work closely with the authors. We strive to find out what they want, provide a creative friendly service, get the book into the best possible condition and to find an audience for the writers work.
With reasonable costs and percentage of sales deals that show we believe in the writer and want to go on and support them on their creative journey, not bleed them dry and take their money and run, I could be talking about my wife again!

But enough about me, I could bang on for hours when I get started, again contrary to what my wife says.

I'm just passionate about writing and so is Hache L. Jones and she has arrived and we need to get down to business and before we hit the wine to hard a few enlightening questions.

Hache you look simply fabulous my dear.
I feel at home in Paris, and like to fit in. Do you like my beret and stripy shirt? Maybe the onions are little bit over the top?

KG: How long have you lived in France? Have you settled into a French way of life?

HLJ: We've lived here for two and a half years now and it's gone by in a flash. We've sort of settled into the French way of life - it's much more relaxed here than in the UK. Bureaucracy can be a bit of a problem but then it's the same the world over I suppose. Love your beret by the way.

KG: What do you like most about living in France?

HLJ: The cheapness of the wine! Oops did I say that? The climate is great of course and the people on the whole are lovely. We live in a weird place - it's a sort of little commune of 24 houses set in the middle of a small suburb and it has a very "village" atmosphere to it. All our neighbours are really warm and friendly and always ready to help out if we get into language difficulties.

KG: That dispels the normal arrogant unfriendly French stereotype then.
A long time ago I lived and worked in the USA, life was great, but I did miss Heinz baked beans. Of course dear reader other brands of baked beans are available, but Heinz is by far the best so if anyone from Heinz reading please send me a create a day for the rest of my life. I thank you.
Where was I?
Oh, yes. What do you miss most about Britain?

HLJ: It's funny you should say that because Heinz baked beans is what I miss most. I kid you not. When we first arrived here you could buy them but, for some reason, everyone has stopped selling them now.

KG: I'll bring a trolley full the next time. You don't miss the weather then? Most of Britain of late are having to travel to work in a bloody canoe.

HLJ: I know. We've been watching it all on Sky news and trying not to feel smug.

KG: Onto the writing. Your great love, after your husband of course, is film, you do a lot of work helping independent up-and-coming filmmakers is there any films you that you're really excited about that of you should look out for?

HLJ: In terms of studio productions I'm really looking forward to seeing "The Lone Ranger". It's been slated by the critics and that's always a good reason for me to want to watch a film. But also because I really admire what Johnny Depp was trying to achieve with the Tonto character. I'm looking forward to seeing whether his attempts were successful. As for indie films I'm really keen to see Tula: The Revolt. It's about the leader of a big slave uprising on the island of Curacao and is powerful stuff. I'm currently enjoying a web series called Dillon Jones: Former Child Star written and directed by Ryan Claffey. It's hilarious - I can recommend it.

KG: Do you like horror movies? What are some of your favourite films of all time?

HLJ: I'm not much into the blood and guts sort of stuff. I think you need to be a bit squeamish to get a thrill out of it - and I'm not in the least bit squeamish. But I do like demonic sorts of film like Rosemary's Baby and The Devil Rides Out. My favourite films would have to include Blade Runner, The Brave, Poltergeist and Beetlejuice - well they say variety is the spice of life don't they?

KG: Sure do, that's why I'd love to date all of the Spice Girls! Would you like to write a film script? If so what type of film would it be?

HLJ: Oh, Kenny, how does Marge put up with you?
I'd love to do that but probably never will. I think it would have to be a mystery - something that keeps the viewer guessing right to the end.

KG: Who are your favourite directors, present company accepted of course?

HLJ: Hahaha. I think Peter Jackson is probably at the top of my list with Tim Burton a very close second. Tim Burton's head works so differently from anyone else's - he fascinates me.

KG: You've done lots of writing before but not too much creative writing. What made you decide to use your creative talents?

HLJ: I've done a lot of academic writing and several years ago I was curious enough to take a test that was supposed to tell you what sort of writer you were. I was hoping that it might say I had some creative juices flowing here but it didn't. It more or less said stick to the academic stuff. But recently a friend, another film director, told me that I should take no notice of that sort of nonsense and just give it a go. That piece of advice came just a couple of days before you told me that there was room for a couple more stories in the anthology you were putting together so I decided to give it a go and you were generous enough to accept my first attempt. So there you have it - I was persuaded by two good friends.

KG: Well I'm glad my powers of persuasion still work so well.
Your first book is now out "A Fractured Understanding" how would you describe it and what type of reader do you feel will it appeal to?

HLJ: I'd say it's a sort of mystery story. It's almost like a monologue in that the story is told by one person who writes it all down in a journal. I hope that it will appeal to a wide audience and to different generations. I guess it's aimed at people who are willing to believe that life is not always as straightforward as it may seem. "There are more things in heaven and earth ... " as one famous playwright once said.

KG: Now, I'm of an age where it's said, I'm passed it, I'm no good, on the scrap heap, I should be tossed aside and that's just my wife about my performance in the bedroom.

But seriously Hache there is this conception that you have to retire at a certain age. But I feel I have as many ideas now as I did in my first flush of youth. In fact I've more as I have a lot more life experiences and things I want to write about. I've seen a bit of life.

You've reached retirement age, I'd never ask a lady her true age, because I never get a straight answer, my wife's age changes more times than I change my underpants!

But what made you want to try new challenges and experiences? When to be honest a lot of other people are sitting in a comatose state in front of daytime TV.

HLJ: Well oddly enough, when I first retired all I wanted to do was to catch up on all the reading and handicraft work that I never had time for when I was working. And, for a while, that brought me a great deal of pleasure. But there came a day when it dawned on me that I was just wasting away my time waiting for the Grim Reaper to put in an appearance and that would never do. So I decided to turn my hand to something that would be both enjoyable for me and helpful to others. Hence the promotion of indie film makers and others.

KG: Have your family and friends been very supportive in your writing?

HLJ: They have indeed. I've been touched and humbled by their support and encouragement and I owe them a great deal.

KG: Do you think you would ever publish your stories? How have you found the publishing with Kensington Gore Publishing, be honest, you always can with me. Have you enjoyed it? Would you recommend it to other writers?

HLJ: Oh it's been a fabulous experience for me. I loved the idea of publishing the story - but would I ever have got around to it myself. Doubtful. And it has just been the biggest ego boost. Having someone do all the work on your behalf from proofing and editing to cover design and marketing is amazing. It makes a person feel a bit special. I actually feel a bit like a real author. LOL

KG: You are, you're poor like all us other authors. You enjoy your writing and it's clear you are passionate about it too, you've short stories, novellas, can we hope one day a novel? I know I'd like to read it and publish it.

HLJ: I did make a start on a novel but came a bit unstuck with it. I may revisit it again at some point. I know different authors work in different ways but, for me, I have to have a pretty fixed idea of the beginning, middle and end of a story before I put pen to paper - or fingers to keyboard I should say. So the day I wake up with those elements in place - yes, I probably will write again.

KG: That's great news. You like to help people and pay it back, again as the great Ernie Wise might have said "What like I do!" You do proof reading services for up and coming writers.
What advice would you give to new writers, of any age, maybe trying creative writing for the very first time?

HLJ: Don't do what I did and listen to anyone else. Just get your ideas down on paper. You will know instinctively as you're writing whether it's working for you or not and the rest doesn't matter. If you're going to self-publish - get your finished work proofread and edited. Even if you only ask a couple of good friends to do it. You become so familiar with the words that you become word blind to your own errors - no matter how careful you are there will be an error in there somewhere. Nothing is more frustrating for a reader than to buy a book that is full of typos and grammatical errors. That's why I proofread independent authors free of charge - because it's such an important part of the process.

KG: Oh, I agree, a stay word can hurt a book no end. Well, Hache thank you my friend. You have been a great inspiration to me and I now hope you will inspire many others.

KG: Before you go. Can I interest you in my French Stick? I'll even cut the onions for you if I could just bloody get them off my neck!