Earned it.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Strength in numbers...

‎"Because nerds like us are allowed to be unironically enthusiastic about stuff. We don't have to be like, 'Oh yeah that purse is okay' or like, 'Yeah, I like that band's early stuff.' Nerds are allowed to love stuff, like jump-up-and-down-in-the-chair-can't-control-yourself-love it... When people call people nerds, mostly what they are saying is, 'You like stuff', which is just not a good insult at all, like 'You are too enthusiastic about the miracle of human consciousness.'" - John Green

I had a [bad] boyfriend once. I remember two distinct turning points in our relationship -- the red flags, if you will. One summer's night we were watching the cars go across the Ben Franklin Bridge on patio-style bar and restaurant, and I remember marveling at the sheer beauty of it, the architectural genius that is a bridge, the man hours, sweat, engineering, and --love--of creating something enduring---I probably just made some comment like, "Wow, did you ever think about how cool a bridge is...?" and I don't remember his exact wording, but it was kind of raging, an angry, mean moment of "You are too stupid to live!" kind of response. Now, if I had been a stronger young woman, and wasn't trying to work out 20-something self-esteem issues, I would have tossed my warm beer in his face, slapped it Bette Davis style, and gotten a cab right then and there. If only I had had my future self tell me that my enthusiasm was grace embodied. I eventually did do all that, at least metaphorically, but that one conversation has always struck me as poignant.

Kellda the Adventurer

Well, that's an interesting word, "poignant." Because when I think about him, and all of his fears over not being cool, not being perceived as hip or awesome or stately, those fears crippled him.

Tomorrow is this blog's second year anniversary--and oh poor Navi and Tome. They each have gotten a long string of pink pity-party tells this past week. I have one real id friend who, for reasons he has not shared, hasn't spoken to me much. I have another one who dropped me without explanation. I have had some stress at work (it goes with the territory). And of course, the usual love and concern for family and friends. They both ended up giving me some amazing pets: Ragnaros and Lil KT - seriously, how cool is that?! Owning a tiny version of Ragnaros may be the only way I can control him. He is unfinished business. And guess what?! One of my battletag buddies noticed my warlock's name, Kellda, and asked if it was from a Terry Pratchet book -- yes, indeed! YES! Wee Free Men, and the name Kellda is not only Kelda in the story, but, oh, never mind. Let's just say I like the name. We kept chatting and we're now Goodreads buddies and Facebook friends. Isn't that grand?So, weighing it out, here and there, this and that, I am going to remind myself of a few promises:1. Write what and when I feel like, and if real life needs attention, try not to let it irritate me. Find a way to gather the ideas, keep them in water until I can get to them.2. Know that not every one is going to dig my sh*t. I am an acquired taste. Every one has their own reasons for doing what they do, and I give every one the benefit of the doubt. It's actually part of my real life job description, so I can do that in the virtual world too.3. Learn to cope with my altaholicism. And that I may never find a raid team. And that's okay.But before one more word gets typed, let me just say, "Thank you."PS Tome, I told this new friend your recommendation of The Night Circus--my raid team's name (if I ever get one) will be called the Azerothian Literate Society Book Club

13 comments:

I spent many a night sipping beers watching cars cross the Ben (Liberty City). It's also damned impressive looking up at the steel pillars from underneath, but unless you're a fully armored DK, you gotta do that in daylight hours. I miss Philly!

You nailed it though Matty -- gotta do what you love / feel. I've been quiet lately, and sense I'm losing touch with online friends due to inactivity. Just kinda shrinking back into my own little shell. Hmmm.. there may be a blog post about that.....

I think of you every day when I look over at my awesome achievement feed. Sometimes what feels like inactivity, well, I guess it doesn't mean folks aren't thinking about us. The other day I nearly fell on the floor because I got a text from one of my best friends I haven't heard from in ten years. I kept sending Christmas cards, never getting a reply, and then..../faint (she was one of those friends during 'bad boyfriend years' too)

I guess where things get sticky is when we want to do what we love, but others aren't in the same frame of mind: unrequited game play? Damn.

Here's how stupid I was in my youth, I had the bridge moment happen to me but only from females. I was too guarded around males but was more open around females cause I assumed they were safe, how stupid was that, lol.

Around males I only smoked cigarettes and puffed smoke at them in a mysterious and carcinogenic manner. Sorry guys! I've quit! Promise!

Happy Anniversary! And that is the absolute best name ever for your team!

Hey i'm still your friend! And i still have you on Real ID :-) Hoping to get on this weekend, Sunday probably as blizz gave me a free 10 days. Woot Woot! But i still have D3 and e-mail to keep in touch with ya.

Semester is over, now were just waiting for baby to arrive, 3 weeks from today.

Countin' on it Cass! I am so excited for you and your wife - your world will never be the same, and all for the better, diapers, spit-up, and mess too! I'm always up for doing something goofy - I am definitely a Jack-of-All-Alts, etc.!

Happy anniversary or blogiversary! Reading your blog often reminds me of stubborn from sheep the diamond. Not light reading but intellectual and it's like listening to Mozart I swear.... I get smarter after reading.

Happy Blog Anniversary! Bridges ARE amazing. I think of that every time I drive across one. If I'm stopped on them and I can feel the sway or the vibrations, it blows my mind again that someone could design something that moves slightly and constantly to keep from breaking into bits. And then I say a tiny prayer that they were REALLY good at their job.

People are persnickety sometimes, and sometimes they don't even intentionally cut people out. They just get overwhelmed by other stuff and people slip to the wayside. Yes, I'm always trying to give them the benefit of the doubt, mostly because I've accidentally ignored friends for months because I was so overwhelmed with things. When I think I might have offended someone, I tend to send them a little "thinking of you" message that doesn't mention my neurotic worries and just says that I saw something cool/funny and thought of them. Sometimes it does turn out that they don't care to talk to me anymore, sometimes it doesn't. But if it's the former, it's their loss.