Monday, June 18, 2007

Submissives find many and varied ways to express submission, although one of the most common seems to be that of kneeling before a Dominant. This simple act places the sub at a lower level than the Dominant and represents her being controlled and dominated by Him, by the very nature of their relative physical positions.When i had the stroke in November 2005, one of the long-term effects was what is known as hemiplegia. "Whats that?" you ask. hemiplegia is a condition where a vertical half of a patient's body is weak or paralysed, i.e. one arm and its corresponding leg do not function properly. In my case this has resulted in virtually no function at all remaining in my left arm and hand, and just a little in my left leg. i can walk a little, although i am very unstable, but have had to adapt to using one arm/hand as i have no voluntary control in my left arm at all. My balance is not too good at all, and as soon as i turns, or leans, or bends away from an upright position that loss of balance is all too obvious.Now, one of the things which had become almost a daily ritual for us before the stroke was that i would invariably kneel for MG, usually before we retired in the evening. We spent many long hours like that, discussing our D/s, our plans and our hopes for the future.It was one of those actions which gave me a way to fulfill my need to demonstrate my submission to my Master. It was a natural and comfortable position for both of us. Since the stroke and because of my physical challenges kneeling has been virtually impossible for some time now. We have tried to find alternative ways to expressing submission for me but none that we have tried gives me the same satisfaction as the act of kneeling. Of late as my balance has improved slightly, and i has a little more control in my left leg, i have managed to find a way to get back on my knees again, if only for very short periods of time. There is nothing else which comes close to the act of kneeling for me at least, that enables me to express my submission in such a tangible way. From the kneeling we may be able to move to other more "physical" things, such as going over MG's knee or some kind of mild spanking. The physical closeness which kneeling creates becomes a springboard for other actions to follow naturally, although of course with great care.So, perhaps we can return to that most fulfilling of submissive expression again, by allowing me to get back to kneeling before bed again.Perhaps it's the first (or next?) step in our regaining of the more physical side of the relationship we had. Recovery from stroke is by definition a long and very slow process and sometimes we have to look for a way to measure that, because living with the challenges every day, one does not always see those improvements. Sometimes you really have to look hard, or you miss them entirely.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

MG made a valid point and as such its for me to act on that so ill try. His point is that its not needed for me to write up each infraction of our M/s, there is no need to make a big point of faults as they are trivial compared to the whole experience. i was talking to a friend about the heavy burden placed on my Master with all that is needed to balance out the long term effects of the stroke, she replied "you always needed care cleo you just need more now" which i though was lovely way to describe our current position and as Master and i have talked about many times if the role was reversed I'd do for him but my argument to that is that i serve its what i am comfortable in doing He is a very special man and Master, i only wanna serve a special person anyway so it works for us both.M/s or any kind of lifestyle choice takes more than some knee bending the odd slap across an available butt, much much more, it goes way deeper its about given of ones inner most self to another and not asking for anything in return just love and honestyMG once wrote:

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i do not want !!

"i do not want to be the leader. i refuse to be the leader. i want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. i want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. i don't mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman i want to be dominated. i don't mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that i am capable of doing, but i am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding. "