Abuse can take many forms. Spanking a child is generally legal, but every state in the United States has a different standard on whether or not spanking has crossed the line into abuse.[1] Other types of abuse, such as sexual abuse, are never permitted in any way, shape, or form. If you believe your parents are abusing you and causing you serious physical or emotional harm, they may be abusing you. Always talk to a trusted adult, like a teacher or a close family member, if you believe your parents may be abusing you.

Steps

Part 1

Recognizing Physical Abuse and Neglect

1

Think about what happened. There are several things to consider when you're trying to figure out if your parents are abusive. The biggest factors are generally why your parent struck you and how much force they used. Was your parent trying to teach you not to do something dangerous, like running into the street without looking? This type of punishment is sometimes acceptable, as long as it does not get extreme or excessive. Hitting you to take out frustrations is considered abuse, and so is hitting you too hard and with great force.[2]

Were you hit because your parents thought this would stop a behavior they don't like?

Do your parents ever hit you after they've been drinking alcohol or after hearing bad news?

Have your parents ever used an object to hit you, like a belt, tree branch, coat hanger, electrical cord, or anything other than an open-palmed hand on your behind?[3]

Do your parents ever lose control while they hit you? For example, does a simple spanking turn into slapping you in the face or punching you?

Do they ever pin you down and hold you there?

2

Look for signs of physical injury. The laws on child abuse are very different, depending on where you live. In general, though, one of the biggest factors is often whether or not your parents' acts of violence caused any lasting physical damage to your body.[4] Your parents may be abusing you if you have any of the following after your parents "discipline" you:

Cuts or scratches

Bruises

Bite marks

Burns

Welts (swollen lumps and bumps on your body)

Muscle sprains

Broken/fractured bones

3

Think about whether your parents take care of you. Neglect is a form of child abuse. It can be very hard to tell whether your parents are neglecting you, especially if you've never lived with any other parents or caretakers. There is also the question of how much money your family has — your parents may be struggling to keep you clothed and fed, not because they are neglecting you, but because they have economic challenges. Ask yourself the following questions to start to figure out if your parents are neglecting you and your siblings:
[5]

Are your parents always well-dressed and well-fed, but unwilling to get you clothes that fit properly or to make sure you have food?

Do your clothes and shoes fit you okay? Are they clean and warm or cool enough for the weather?

Do your parents keep you clean by having you take regular baths/showers? Do they make sure you brush your teeth and comb your hair?

Do your parents keep you and your siblings fed? Or do you often go without eating enough food?

When you get sick, do your parents take you to a doctor and give you medicine?

Are disabled children (you or a sibling) having their needs met? Are basic needs like food or water dependent on meeting a certain standard?

If your parents leave the house, and no siblings are old enough to babysit, do they have someone older come and watch you? Or are you left alone and allowed to play in unsafe places/situations? How long are children left alone?

Part 2

Identifying Sexual Abuse

1

Identify inappropriate behavior from your parents. Any type of sexual contact between an adult and a minor is considered abuse. An adult might make threats or use their position of power (as someone most people normally trust, like a coach or teacher) to bully or frighten a younger person into having sex or other sexual activity.[6] If your parents watch you undress (without helping you get dressed), take pictures of you without any clothes on, touch the areas of your body that are private in a way that makes you scared or uncomfortable, or pressure/force you to look at or touch their private parts, that is sexual abuse.

Sometimes being touched sexually can feel good, which can be confusing. The person doesn't have to be hurting you for it to be sexual abuse.[7]

2

Recognize physical injuries from sexual abuse. Not all sexual abuse leaves a physical injury, but many acts of sexual abuse do leave bruising, bleeding, and other injuries. Sexual abuse can also cause sexually transmitted infections and even pregnancy in some cases.[8][9] Common symptoms of sexual abuse include, but are not limited to:

Painful discharge during urination or other sign of an STD, frequent yeast infections or urinary tract infections[12]

3

Recognize sexual exploitation regarding media. Parents should not be exposing you to pornography, or creating pornography about you. Some of this involves grooming, or exposing you to sexually explicit content, to make you more open to doing it. Or they may use videos/images of you for sexual use, by themselves or others.

Understand child-on-child sexual abuse. Sometimes a child is sexually abused by another child. When this happens, it is usually because the first child is reenacting abuse that was forced on them. Most children do not have an understanding of sex, so generally if another child forces you or a sibling to engage in some type of sexual behavior, it's usually a sign that the child was abused by someone.[13]

Talk to a trusted adult if you think someone you know is a victim of sexual abuse, just as you would talk to a trusted adult about your own parents abusing you.

Part 3

Understanding Emotional Abuse

1

Know when you're being verbally abused. Your parent might yell at you to stop you from doing something dangerous or bad, but this one-time incident doesn't necessarily mean you are being verbally abused. But if you experience repeated name-calling, shaming, or threats, then this is considered verbal abuse or verbal assault[14].

Your parents yelling at you or scolding you does not count as verbal assault. That type of discipline is usually appropriate and has a purpose, as long as it doesn't get out of hand.

If your parents are constantly screaming or saying mean things to you, even when you haven't done anything wrong, they are emotionally abusing you.

If your parents talk down to you, shame you, or make fun of you on a regular basis, they are emotionally abusing you.

If your parents are ignorant of your self-identity (LGBT) or talk down on you for it, that can be considered emotional abuse.

Any verbal threats made towards you, your siblings, or other family members are also acts of abuse.

2

Recognize ignoring and emotional neglect. If a parent gives you the silent treatment, tries to make you feel bad, or tries to cut you off from having other people in your life (like friends, uncles, aunts, and grandparents), this can also be emotional abuse.[15]

If your parent refuses to look at you, refuses to acknowledge you as their child, or refuses to call you by your real name, that is emotional abuse.

If your parents refuse to touch you, deny your physical/emotional needs, or say mean things to make you feel bad, they are abusing you.

3

Identify isolating behavior. Isolation means cutting you off from friends, family, or other people who are important to you. They may isolate you from only certain people they disapprove of, or from people in general. This may be an attempt to stop other people from influencing you, so they can keep you under their control.[16]

Not allowing you to be friends with people, simply because the parent doesn't like them.

Not allowing you to have friends over, or visit friends' houses.

Disallowing/ignoring your requests to leave the house or do an activity, even though they have the time/money to do so.

Monitoring phone calls and other interactions.

Criticizing people in order to alienate you from them.

Pulling you out of clubs or even school because they don't like the people you're exposed to.

4

Consider how the parent talks about you. It is wrong for parents to belittle you, say they don't want you, or criticize your personality (as opposed to your actions). There's a difference between saying "you hurt your sister's feelings" and "You're a mean and terrible person." An abusive parent may make you feel unwelcome in the family.[17][18]

Saying they wish you were never born, or that they had aborted you

Name-calling

Saying they wish they had a different child instead of you (such as a girl instead of a boy, or a non-disabled child instead of a disabled one).

Making fun of your looks or abilities

Wishing you would die

Talking about how bad/difficult/awful you are, either to your face or to someone else right within earshot

Talking about how you have ruined their life

Kicking you out of your home

5

Notice corrupting behavior. Corrupting means exposing you to something that is illegal or very harmful, and possibly encouraging you to do it.[19]

Encouraging you to steal, do drugs, cheat, bully, etc.

Giving you drugs or excessive alcohol, or doing this in your presence (letting an eight-year-old sip beer to know what it tastes like is okay; letting an eight-year-old drink the whole bottle is not)

Encouraging irresponsible promiscuity

Encouraging you to harm yourself or others

6

Consider exploitation. Parents should be reasonable when holding children to standards. For example, four-year-olds should not be expected to do laundry, ten-year-olds should not be expected to care for younger siblings for the weekend, and many disabled children should not be expected to do the same things that their non-disabled peers can. Responsibilities and expectations should be based on a child's developmental level.[20]

Expecting you to do things beyond your developmental level

Making you care for a family member when you are too young or otherwise not able

Blaming you for others' behavior

Expecting you to do an unreasonable amount of household chores

7

Identify terrorizing behavior. Being terrorized by your parents means feeling threatened or unsafe. Parents terrorize children to make their kids feel fearful.[21][22]

Putting you, a sibling, a pet, or a favorite toy in danger, as a punishment for something you did

Extreme, unpredictable reactions

Being violent to a person, animal, or object in front of you (such as throwing a glass against a wall, or kicking a pet)

Yelling, threatening, or angrily cursing

Holding you to high standards and threatening to punish or hurt you if you fail

Threatening to harm you, themselves, or others

Abusing someone else in sight or earshot of you

8

Consider the use of humiliation or deprivation of privacy, especially as punishment. Abusive parents may embarrass you or invade your privacy, and obsess over whether you are doing things they don't want. They may be the "my house, my rules" type.

Making you do something embarrassing

Looking through your phone, diary, or browser history

Removing the door from your bedroom

Videotaping your punishment to post on the internet

Making fun of you

Following you around when you are with friends

9

Notice signs of gaslighting. Gaslighting is when an abuser tries to convince a victim that the victim's experiences aren't real, to make them doubt their own sanity. For example, maybe an abuser hits a victim and calls them lazy, then the next day says that the victim made that up. Gaslighting includes:

Calling you crazy or a liar

Telling you "that's not what happened" or "I never said that"

Saying that you're exaggerating

Telling others that you are delusional, or otherwise unreliable and not telling the truth

Moving things around and insisting that nothing has changed

Saying "you did that on purpose" when you make a mistake

Part 4

Getting Help When You Need It

1

Talk to a trusted adult. The first step to reporting abuse of any kind is to talk to an adult you can trust. That adult can listen to you and help you figure out whether your parents are abusing you. Talk to a trusted family member (like an aunt, uncle, or grandparent), a close friend of the family, a teacher or counselor at school, or a trustworthy neighbor.

Tell the adult exactly what happened, and explain any circumstances surrounding the incident. Did anything lead up to it?

The adult you talk to should be able to figure out whether your parents are abusing you.

If the adult thinks that your parents are abusing you, she should then contact the police. If the adult tells you it's abuse but doesn't call the authorities, you should do so yourself.

A school counselor should know who to contact and how to make sure you are safe. She may also have training to help you begin coping with the abuse.

2

Call for help. If you know that your parents have abused you or are continuing to abuse you, you'll need to contact the police or other authority so that you can be taken to a safer place. You can call the police if you need help right away, or call a help hotline to report ongoing cases of abuse.
[23]

Call 911 if you think your parent is about to hurt you. Your parent might show signs that you know mean they're going to attack you — maybe it happens when they've been drinking, and you can smell the alcohol, and hear yelling. Whatever the signs may be, if you think you are about to be hurt, call 911. The police will be able to come to your home and stop your parent from hurting you right then and there.

Look up the phone number for your local Child Protective Services office. You can find this number in the phone book or by searching online — but make sure your parents don't know that you're looking up this number.

Call a crisis hotline. The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline is operated 24 hours a day, seven days a week at 1-800-4ACHILD (1-800-422-4453).

3

Try to get away from danger. If you are in immediate danger and have called 911, try to hide someplace safe until help arrives. Lock yourself in a room away from your parent (with a phone, if possible).
[24] You may also be able to run to a neighbor, friend, or family member's house.[25]

You're helping people by reading wikiHow

wikiHow's mission is to help people learn, and we really hope this article helped you. Now you are helping others, just by visiting wikiHow.

Barefoot College is a social enterprise with a mission to connect poor rural communities to technology and education. By doing so, they empower individuals to contribute to the wellbeing of their communities.

Click below to let us know you read this article, and wikiHow will donate to Barefoot College on your behalf. Thanks for helping us achieve our mission of helping people learn how to do anything.

Every grade less than a B I get spanked with a ladle. I have depression and I can't tell my parents because they think I'm dramatic. My grades have gotten worse and I get spanked over things like not taking notes in class. Is this abuse? What do I do if it is?

wikiHow Contributor

Your parents may think that spanking you is helpful "discipline," but it sounds like physical abuse and neglect/emotional abuse. Talk to a trusted adult about your situation and consider notifying the authorities.

Unfortunately, there do not appear to be any child abuse laws in India that protect you from parental abuse. However, there are organizations that can help you escape from unsafe living situations and find a safer home. Try contacting Childline India by email at dial1098@childlineindia.org.in, or by phone at 022-2495 2610, 2495 2611, 2482 1098/ 2490 1098/ 2491 1098.

It'll be because of any childhood trauma you've experienced. If your parents have abused you and then abused you further for crying about it, it's your body's natural response to avoid getting hurt. Seek help from the police or family services immediately.

Some people do not take emotional/psychological abuse seriously because it does not produce the same immediate physical effects as acts of violence or sexual abuse. However, it is a very serious matter. If you or someone you know is being emotionally/psychologically abused, talk to a trusted adult about what you can do to stop this type of abuse.

He won't go to jail that quickly. But even though you love him, your first priority is to make sure you are safe yourself. If it happened only once, well, it's still not OK, but it may be easier to forgive and forget such a thing. If it happens regularly, you're going to need to talk to someone about it. There are specialists that can help your father, teach him how to channel his anger, how to raise children, how to deal with stress. Perhaps a teacher, a counselor or a family member that you trust may be your first point of contact.

It's very understandable that you might be afraid. However, if your parents are abusing you, they aren't likely to stop unless someone steps in and stops them. Talk to a trusted adult or call the police/Child Protective Services to make sure your parents don't hurt you anymore.

This type of dialogue sounds like emotional abuse. Talk to a trusted adult, like a teacher or school counselor, to determine whether this type of behavior is in fact emotional abuse and to learn what you can do about it.

"Sometimes it's hard to realize you're being emotionally abused or terrorized. My dad is manipulative, calls me harsh names, threatens to commit suicide and blames it on me, guilt trips, tries to control my relationships. This helped me see the true extent."..." more

NS

Nonthakon Scarborough

May 16, 2017

"This article helped me as I didn't know what type of abuses there are. Now I know that being kicked from my own house is a type of abuse, I need to have a talk with someone I can trust. I also know that being hit by a plug by my mum was violent abuse."..." more

CL

Char Leva

Jan 24, 2017

"I've always been aware of abuse but after reading this and realizing the type of abuse I endured from my parents actually exists makes me feel a little relieved. It helped me justify that it's not my fault. I am not the "failure" or "mistake"!"..." more

KR

Kristina Renn

Sep 10, 2017

"My best friend (a minor) is constantly emotionally and verbally abused by her mother and grandmother. This article will help us when I show it to her so we can talk to her therapist about it, and maybe get her into a better situation."..." more

GM

Gianna Minocha

Apr 1, 2017

"This article was very helpful for me, as I figured out that my parents are not actually abusive, they're just trying to keep me safe. "..." more

Rated this article:

EM

Emily Melvin

Oct 24, 2016

"This helped me realize that I was in an abusive relationship with my mom. I had no idea, now I realize she stole these years from me."..." more

CL

Clarissa Lesmeister

Jun 7, 2017

"This helped me figure out that someone I know was sexually abused, but I can't do anything about it because they moved away."..." more

MA

Madhu Agarwal

Sep 5, 2017

"I feel so much more confident in sharing my problems with trusted adults than be the silent sufferer. Thanks for the help."..." more

TA

Taejia Arie

Mar 20, 2016

"The physical abuse section really helped me understand the guidelines of abuse. Now I know if I need help or not!"

DB

Daz Black

Mar 8, 2016

"It's really useful. I now know more about my home situation through the eyes of a care professional."

CD

Christy Davis

Apr 18, 2016

"It helped me realize that being abused isn't your fault and it's dangerous if not reported in time."

A

Anonymous

Jan 31

"It made me more confident that I should report the abuse done by my mom and dad!"