Eurovision Sofa: The Songs – S to U

Valentina Monetta San Marino The Social Network Song (Oh Oh – Uh – Oh Oh) 200/1Hmm, there appears to be a lot of traffic ahead. Oh, I see why, there’s a massive car crash with this song up ahead.My Verdict: I do quite like her. Quite a bit. Europe’s Verdict: Why would anyone want to intentionally vote for this? Why? WHY?

Željko Joksimović Serbia Nije Ljubav Stvar 14/1 No one seems to be talking about this, and I’m surprised. Serbia have the countries who can vote for it, and a song that’s pretty good too. He came close to victory with Lane Moje back in 2004, and his song this year although of a similar quality, can equally challenge.My Verdict: Not a personal favourite, but it is memorable. Europe’s Verdict: At least the second semi-final gets a good song opening it. Should qualify and be in the top 10 at worst.

Max Jason Mai Slovakia Don’t Close Your Eyes 125/1 In a year totally devoid of any decent rock songs, Slovakia have of course sent a rock song that is far from decent, it’s painful. It doesn’t appeal to the proper rock fans, and gets rather shouty for a good time too. Ahh, it could’ve promised a change from the ballad’s, but it’s not getting there. My Verdict: No, no, or in tribute to this song, NO. Europe’s Verdict: I can’t see anyone who will want to vote for this, or listen to this.

Eva Boto Slovenia Verjamem 100/1 She’s 16 and she can sing like that? I give up, just what hope for me is left? Sigh.My Verdict: It’s annoyingly good. Europe’s Verdict: I wouldn’t be surprised if this got out of the semi-final, and is a lot better than the other ‘Just old enough not to qualify for Junior Eurovision’ song from Belgium, and quite charming in another context. Could easily do a Switzerland on the Saturday, but I’m sure Eva won’t care about that.

Pastora Soler Spain Quédate Conmigo (Stay With Me) 18/1 In a strong year for the big 5, it’s hard to believe this song I find to be one of the weakest. It’s not that bad, Pastora is one hell of a singer, I just find the song waning my interest half way through. But, for Spain certainly, this is easily their best song in at least a decade.My Verdict: Why did Spain start taking this seriously? Europe’s Verdict: This could be a huge hit with the juries, but will fall short. Still going to be good for Spain. Which in fairness, is usually being higher than 16th.

Loreen Sweden Euphoria 7/4As fan favourites go, this is right at the top threatening to go into a league of its own. Yes, it’s a song that is going to do well, and a song that is unique at this years contest, but it relies on a lot on the stage performance. Thankfully for Sweden, that part is unbelievably brilliant. Everything but together and this will go down incredibly well.My Verdict: It isn’t one of my own favourites, but I can see why everyone else loves it. Europe’s Verdict: Should be pushing for victory.

Sinplus Switzerland Unbreakable 125/1 It took me quite a while to realise the chorus was ‘Swim against the stream’, rather than ‘somethingsomethingsomething’. I want to like it, but it’s too middle ground, and two Swiss people struggling to be clear in speaking English. My Verdict: I can’t even sing aloud to it… not that I would want to, of course. Europe’s Verdict: In such a strong semi-final, this could get left behind

Can Bonomo Turkey Love Me Back 33/1 After mixed success in the rock genre the last few years, Turkey have returned to a more ethnic and ‘Turkish’ song. A lot about this is relatively charming, if not a bit annoying to listen to it after quite a few listens. It should be unfeasible to see Turkey fail to reach the final again. My Verdict: If only I hadn’t kept on listening to it! Though the two time listens it needs should be fine for everyone else. Europe’s Verdict: Practically has the Eastern Europe vote in the bag, could be mid-table on finals night.

Gaitana Ukraine Be My Guest 40/1 Ukraine, being Ukraine, do well at Eurovision whatever they send, and that’s not going to change this year or many years in the future. The saving grace is at least they do send good entries (or something to distract us from the fairly average ones, looking at you Mika Newton), and Gaitana is sending a catchy, fun and a high energy three minutes to EurovisionMy Verdict: Enjoyable and fun to listen to. Europe’s Verdict: They’re practically guaranteed a top 10 finish already, this could keep pushing it up for a dangerous result.

Engelbert Humperdinck United Kingdom Love Will Set You Free 20/1Well, well, well. As ingenuity goes, the BBC may have surprised us all, no one expected Engelbert Humperdinck, no one expected anything to good from it either. But, for the second year in a row, the internal selection has come up good, yet fails to be brilliant. It’s a song that can go anyway and everyway possible, but hey, at least I’m not embarrassed with it.My Verdict: It’s good, at least. Europe’s Verdict: Who knows? Won’t win but a good performance should be on the cards.