November 23, 2010

I recently read an intriguing story about the Beatles on the Internet (so, therefore it must be true).

The tale chronicles the misadventures of a mysterious chap named James Richards and how he came into possession of a never-before-heard Beatles album dubbed “Recreational Chemistry” through an incredulous chain of mind-bending events.

So the yarn goes, James and his dog were driving through a long stretch of highway in the California desert when they stopped for a rest. The dog must have caught the scent of something as it took off running. As fate would have it, James fell into a rabbit hole while chasing his runaway dog (who was, you guessed it, chasing a rabbit), and wound up knocking his head upon a rock, rendering himself unconscious.

Upon waking, he found himself–get ready for it–in a parallel universe, sitting in the living room of a good samaritan who happened to be a huge Beatles fan. The funny thing is that in this parallel universe, the Beatles never broke up.

To make a long story short (TOO LATE!), the hero of this story was safely delivered from this parallel dimension and returned back to his familiar Californian homeland, but not before he nearly disrupted the space-time continuum by stealing this trans-dimensional bootleg from the dusty stereo in his savior’s home. The pervasive guilty feelings that linger after committing such an act were only further substantiated by the stern, disapproving looks he received from his dog, who sat quietly in the passenger seat on the long and winding road back to his home.

In retrospect, I’d say his time-traveler bungle was a worthy sacrifice. Beatles fans around the world can now rejoice at the realization of this never before heard intergalactic chestnut entitled, “Over the Ocean”!

This one goes out to my Pacific brahs: one is leaving on a flight tonight, bound for the tropical paradise that is Hawa’ii. He’ll be lucky to spend Fatsgiving with none other than the Big Kahuna himself, paniolo of Oahu and devourer of the Humuhumunukunukuapua’a. Have da kine fun dudes!