MopFam 4: Cacti are Not Welcome

Father Moppet: *standing outside a red brick, white picket fenced house in Glendale, USA, uses a huge wooden mallet to hammer a steak into the ground* *dusts off the beef steak* Good. That's ready for the barbecue then. *he also hammers a wooden stake into the ground by the front gate and hangs a sign from it that reads: "Rooms 4 Rent: Cacti are Not Welcome," and underneath, "Good prices, bring your own fridge."* There...that should start a new era... Now, to start the barbecue.

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OOC (Out of Character): Welcome back, guys, to a new era of The Moppet Family.

Its a role-play game, played as if its a family-friendly, sit-com tv show, in which anything can happen...and often does...but only if its funny. Character-driven, the show has always had an eclectic cast of characters (robbers, nanny's, grandparents, disembodied-talking-feet, talking-pets, Fairy-Godmothers, etc), and usually involves day-to-day situations (with a few swashbuckling exceptions). For more of the show's history, explore http://mopfam.wetpaint.com/ or MopFam III . (Might be worth doing a little reading before posting, but feel free to join in.)

In terms of characters, check with the Wiki, and if a character doesn't exist, you can make it. For example, Father's wife already exists, but he could have a sister or an unmentioned brother, or a nephew or an aunt. (Feel free to check with my encyclopedic knowledge of its past, or feel free to dive in).

The only rules are that the show is (semi) grounded in reality, and the format of posts is as such:

Father: *leans over barbecue to light it* Hmm... *frowns* *shakes box of matches* I'm sure this thing used to work... *attempts again and BBQ explodes in face* *cough* That would never have happened to an Australian. *collapse*

Jack Bandit: *lurking in the bushes outside the house* It's about time. I've been waiting to come out of hiding for years. This bush can only double as a bathroom for so long before it becomes unsanitary. *steps out of the bushes wearing a dapper suit* *approaches Father Moppet* Oh, Mr. Mo-ped! 'Tis I, your humble, good-natured, definitely-not-a-convicted-felon, housemate Jack Bandit, returned from my lavish life of luxury in the Poconos to help you run this halfway... quarter-way... nickel-way house! You don't charge room and board and you've got indoor plumbing, right?

Father Moppet: *still stumbling back from the black smoke of the BBQ and attempting to light another match* Who? Say what? *flicks the match into Jack's previous-temporary-abode/commode/bush and creates another explosion* Hello to the first, yes to the second, no to the third, and I'm not so sure about the plumbing to be honest...I'm currently living in a tent. Why do you think I'm cooking outside?...I think there's something stuck in the sewers. Do you know anything about unblocking drains?

Jack Bandit: Sewers? I grew up in one... You're talking about New Jersey, right? But seriously, I always carry a crowbar for quick escapes--erm... I mean slick landscapes. Yes. Right. Crowbar. Here. *hands Moppet the crowbar and proceeds to eat the blackened steak with his hands*

Nell: *walks down the road towards the Moppet residence. She carries a battered suitcase. Her clothes are ragged and caked with dirt, her hair - dreadlocks. Her feet - bare.*
*Nell steps up to her house* It is good to be home!
*As she approaches the steps, Nell reaches down and quietly places three passing snails into a single-file line*

Father Moppet: *startled by the presence of a cactus* AYE! *further startled by the realization that it is a man in a cactus suit* AYE!!!...aye...I mean...hi! Oh, its you, Logan my strange step-cousin/nephew (no one ever knew and hated to ask...) The rooms are kinda...unavailable at this precise moments as I am quite intent on fixing the sewers...and also...quite literally...in a tent. But you're at the top of my list, son!

Jack Bandit: What?! You put that spiny nerd over ME, your long-time friend, confidant, business partner, and moose rangler? How DARE you, sir! I'm moving to the sewers! *uses crowbar to pry open manhole cover* *an alligator shoots out of the hole and snaps wildly at Jack* ...Oh Moppet! I think the drain is ready for you!

Father Moppet: Oh, how very helpful of you, Jack. You're back on the list, boy. *completely ignoring the presence of the snarling beast* Actually, Jack, if you could stop snarling for a moment and hand me the plunger.

Jack Bandit: *using plunger to beat off snapping 'gator* I hate to make wild alliga-tions (get it?!), but I think your drains might be infested. Maybe buy a gate-or (see what I did there?!) something before I lose an arm or my most important appendage... my third toe from the left!

Logan Moppet: Okay, I'll just hang out over here by this wall that for some odd reason has the number 4 painted on it. *Walks on over and pulls laptop out of thin air* I think I might just take this opportunity to catch up on some MopFam so I understand what's going on. *wall falls down behind Logan* Umm, Uncle Moppet, I think I broke the fourth wall over here.

Father Moppet: *to camera* Its amazing that having brought forth a wall, he then broke the fourth wall. *to Logan* That's the fourth wall that's been broken this week! Which is another reason I'm living in a tent...and hung out that For Rent sign...

Jack Bandit: Leprechaun?! That means gold. *alligator snaps again at Jack* Alligator?! That means pain! Curses... my greatest love and my greatest hate in one scene. Whatever shall I do? WAIT! I've got it! *throws plunger at Moppet's head* *grabs the leprechaun off of Logan's shoulder and holds it out to the gator* Take your pick, Seamus, it's gold for me or gator for you.