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Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Hi. I'm Kristy.

And this is my personal blog.

Now, before we get too far into the "personal" aspect here, I should state for the record: I am actually a professional. I am a founder and partner of a successful social media network and agency, and come from a sort-of intense -- albeit rather diverse at times -- business background. I held my first agency marketing position at age 19 and have been online since 1993. I state this because NONE of that will seem obvious by reading anything else here. Hi.

I've been writing about my life here for over eight years. And if that seems all sorts of crazy to you, welcome aboard!

Prominently featured, recurring characters on this blog include (in order of appearance):

My ass, for which this blog is mostly named

Here is a drawing of my ass with a pantyhose hole during a critical moment in my career. (You can read THAT post here.)

Wine

Oh, and Gin

And Bourbon

My boobs, which have their own gravitational force

My sisters

<s>My a cappella group</s> (this ended after kid #2)

My husband, Peter, who goes by "Ish"

My two young children, who are listed last because they came on the scene well after I'd started blogging

Supporting roles go to various friends, family, and my stupid cats (of which there were FOUR, don't even get me started). Plus the occasional craft and/or cooking project gone awry.

When I started this in January of 2005, I was 29. I was single, dating, and living in a one-bedroom apartment in San Francisco. I had a kind of ridiculous job that indirectly involved selling miniature donkeys (not kidding) and also allowed me to blog a lot (the market for miniature donkeys isn't really that demanding). I wrote mostly about trying to lose weight...

...going on bad dates following a bad break-up, drinking too much, and generally making a fool of myself. Especially at the gym (see: The Fireman and My Ass).

Prior to my San Francisco escapades, I'd lived in Connecticut. I grew up and stayed there until everything fell to pieces in 2001 when, two weeks after my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer, my husband left me. Over the phone. So, yeah. (I wrote a series of short but poignant-if-I-do-say-so posts about my divorce here.) Thus, with nothing to lose, I decided to move to SF -- sight unseen -- in October of 2001.

Both of my parents died of cancer by the time I was 30.

In August of 2005, I went on (yet another) date with (yet another) guy I met on Craigslist. It didn't start off well. But, thanks to an entirely inappropriate comment made by yours truly, the date got better. We got engaged a little over three years later, five days before we found out I was pregnant. We were married unceremoniously at SF City Hall on Obama's Inauguration Day, January 20, 2009.

Then we moved to Napa.

This means that yes, I live among the wine now. It's as if the mother ship has called me home.

Our daughter, Eve, was born in July of 2009. Our son, Townsend, was born in May of 2011.

* * * * * * * *

More about me! In bullet fashion! La la laaaaa!

I started this blog under the guise that I would be using it to write about my weight loss efforts. And if you've been following along, you'll know that the only proper response to hearing that is HAHAHAHA.

This is why I can't wear sundresses:

I grew up in Connecticut in a big, falling-apart farmhouse that was not unlike a zoo. My parents raised me and my two younger sisters with lots of love and animals and games and fun, but only parts of my childhood were idyllic. Many pieces were broken, too. As a point of reference, we were not raised with any religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "bourbon" in which case I say hallelujah, amen.

I fall a lot. And spill. And trip. I am always bruised. (True story: as I was driving to work this morning, I noticed that I had managed to get a glop of toothpaste on my pant leg, just under my knee. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN? I don't know. It just does.) My friend refers to this as my "breezy elegance." I try to embrace it.

I am liberal, in pretty much every way you can be liberal.

Given how much I spill and trip and make a complete ass out of myself, it may be hard for you to believe that I have ever had an actual job. You are not wrong to be confused. But as I state above, before I left the workplace to be a Stay-At-Home-Mom, I actually had impressive-y type jobs at Important Organizations, including this company, which we liked to refer to as being in "The Fortune 1." (CORPORATE HUMOR, FOLKS.)

More recently, I was the person who ran BlogHer's Conferences and Events and all related Marketing. That means that I was responsible for running the BlogHer Conferences when they were just getting off the ground. I take great pride in this, since our events seemed to set the bar for blogging conferences everywhere. It was a tough job, but I daresay I know as much as anyone about how sponsors and bloggers should work together.

Anyway.

A few twists and fortuitous turns later, I joined forces with the women who launched Clever Girls Collective. I'm now a full-fledged partner in our kickass social media agency, and find that running my own business while being a work-from-home mom is exactly what I want to be doing. It allows me to be smart and productive despite having stains on my shirt.

Also, I know a lot of stuff.

Hmm. There are also like, a million other things I should probably also mention, but I don't know how to prioritize them. So oh well. Maybe you will have to read the blog after all.

Or you could just ask. I kind of suck at replying to email in a timely fashion, but I will write you back eventually.

But just because you read this much (wow!), I have posted some pictures below for your enjoyment.

Happy reading!

-k

Further synopsis via random snapshots!

I grew up in Norwalk, CT. In this house. It looks pretty but please note that absolutely nothing inside of it ever worked.

I have two younger sisters (featured circa 1984):

Foreshadowing a life as a super-sexy knitter, in high school, I was a super-sexy member of the marching band. My senior year, I was even the drum major:

Then I thought I grew up, so I got married:

I was wrong about the grown-up thing, so I got divorced, drove across the country, and spent several years living in San Francisco as though I were 22. Disposable income FTW!

Sometimes people take pictures of me when I've been drinking:
(That's the cable car going by.)

Okay, I totally have a girl-crush now. I found you on a link on my best friend's blog. YOU ARE ME!!! I fall... a lot... and I chew my cuticles, and I thought I was an adult and I got married, too... And then I divorced and dated all the wrong people (and then in a weird turn, dated a guy who turned out to be a stalker... like, really -- testifying soon), and now have the most wonderful man in the world in my life, and I just paid my personal trainer $360 to make me lose weight before a very FABULOUS wedding I'm going to in October. Love the blog.

just stumbled onto you and this was a great get-to-know you! Such a good idea!We have several parallels: 30 something, live alone, divorced . . . no cats or boyfriend but I was in band in high school AND college!

This is sooooo funny. My name is Christi and I fall and stumble ALL the time too! I am always getting stuff on me and I have no clue how or where it came from. I can't wait to read your blog from start to finish! Oh yeah, and I am recently divorced. Wow, glad to meet ya!

so, i googled "i'm so meta" and found your blog. because i'm having some really f-ing annoying meta moments right now.

anyway, i live in SF and when i started reading your bio (which had all the ingredients of what i think i like in people), i thought, "i hope this girl lives in SF." not because i'm going to try and stalk you or anything, but it's some small relief to know that one less idiot lives close by. (i think.) ;)

Fun bio - and I live in Connecticut, so that's always like OMG and all that... Also I have gotten toothpaste on myself and gone to work like that many, many times. My husband and I met at a former job, actually, and on the carpool in together, I used to spill coffee on myself EVERY DAY. Without fail. It's a gift.

I just found you today and you just might be my new blogging hero. I LOVED your pics, especially the humiliating ones of your friends....hahahaha. I love a girl who can make me laugh. Wow.... that sounded stalkerish.... I'm not. Unless you like that sorta thing.... then I'll consider it. But just for you. =)

Hi! Welcome to SF! (I know you've been here a while but I just met you.) Anyways, I had your blog on one of my Google tabs for a few days before I got around to reading this and now I can't remember how I found you. But anyways, I need more blog friends who I can actually maybe see in real life, so come by and say hi and wanna have drinks sometime?

How is it exactly that it took me until 2009 to discover this blog?! I'm still laughing at the wee blurb on facebook...Happy New Year & can't wait to hear what happens next in your life.Btw, in addition to Dexter (which truly is fantastic), check out Mad Men (unless you have already and I just didn't read that post yet)...

um, i totally want to be your friend. why are you so funny??? you just followed me on twitter... probably because i stalk mandy from harpershappenings. i follow you too now. and in all serious, i have a feeling i will be stalking you too. in the best possible way. i'm putting you on my blog roll. i think i love you.

If you grew up in Norwalk I imagine that was the Norwalk High marching band you were the drum major of? If so, that kicks butt. I went to East Lyme and we were SERIOUS competitors at marching band competitions. (Norwalk usually won. Sadface.)

Loved your bio! We have a lot in common, I too am a Clever Girl, mom lost to cancer, moved from east coast to SF in 2000, hate sundresses, LOVE wine and food, and my mother used to say that I was like a bull in a china shop - so, klutz.

And now, I must seek out the blog about selling miniature donkeys - b/c well, it kind of reminds me of the petite lap giraffe. Cheers! Glad I landed here by accident.

This bio rocks. Your honesty about cocktailing is hilarious. Your childhood home in Connecticut looks dreamy, but I hear you on how looks can be deceiving. Kudos to you for being able to start your life over again the way you have. And your kids are cuties. Congrats.