Source – A 68-year-old woman who first hoped to become a firefighter when she was saved from a burning building at the age of five has finally achieved her dream six decades later. Andrea Peterson, from Hartford, Vermont has proven she is mentally and physically tougher than many men a third of her age by passing the gruelling tests to join her local station. The petite widow, who stands just 5 foot 5 and weighs 122 pounds, began working as firefighter after years of being deterred from the profession because it was a ‘man’s job’. ’It became the love affair of the century,’ she told the Huffington Post of her first days in the role. ‘I kept thinking, why didn’t I do this when I was 20?’ She first dreamed of becoming a firefighter after becoming trapped in a burning building in Los Angeles as a child, when a fire erupted as her mother cooked in the kitchen. They were rescued by firefighters and she recalled the exhilaration she felt when she was thrown from the window – as well as the certainty that firefighting was her future career. When she told the firefighters her ambitions, ‘they laughed [and] said, “You’ll be a good mommy, you’ll be a good teacher, maybe you’ll be a nurse, but you can never be a fireman”.’

Has the Hartford, VT fire department just conceded to the fire? Are they throwing in the towel and letting the flames win? That’s sure what it looks like to me. Why else would you hire a 68 year old female firefighter unless you were trying to throw the fight? Umm newsflash guys. She’s old. Old people can’t do anything worthwhile. And even worse – she has a vagina! Old chicks are the last people on earth that should be running into a burning building. Look I don’t want to sound sexist or anything but it should be illegal for women to be firefighters because they’re mentally and physically inferior to men.

This broad is 5’5″, 122lbs! She could barely save a house cat! And she has wanted to do this since she was five but couldn’t make it happen until she was 68? Duurrrr, retard alert! What were you in the slow lane your entire life? Way to get around to achieving your goals in a timely manner, Andrea. Only took you half a dozen decades.

If you live in Hartford VT then I’d ramp up fire safety around the house by 200%. And make sure there are no fires at 4:30 pm. She’s gotta catch the early bird.

DM – The first known instance of creatures growing their own ‘disposable penises’ has been discovered by researchers after studying the mating habits of sea slugs. Researchers in Japan were astonished when they realised that a group of sea slugs called Chromodoris reticulata would lose their penises after sex but then grow another one a few hours later. Marine invertebrate expert Bernard Picton, of National Museums Northern Ireland, said: ‘I’ve never seen anything like this before.’

I like this sea slug’s style. Just the ultimate oceanic player. He figured out that the more cocks you can grow, the more slug bitches you can get. I mean it’s one thing to fuck a lot of slug pussy and never call them again. But it’s another thing to just detach your cock right after you bust a slug nut and hit the road. Leave it inside them and be out the door before she even knows what hit her. That’s some coldhearted shit right there. It’s the ultimate “no handcuffs” move with a chick. Fire one off, unhook the dick and be a ghost. Hit McDonald’s breakfast on the way home and spend the rest of the day resting up, growing your junk back and getting ready for Saturday night. Not to mention you’ll never have to worry about STDs. Be like listen slug bitch, I just grew this boner an hour ago, it’s fresh. Got that new boner smell and everything. Nothing to worry about.

Yup, just leaving a trail of disposable cocks and sore slug vaginas in his wake. Keep doing you sea slug. Keep doing you.

Or maybe it’s the Macho one? Or the Warrior one? Honestly I can’t even tell because they are all awesome. Seriously if I don’t retire on these bitches within the next 10 minutes there is something seriously wrong with America. Although I almost don’t want people to buy the Razor one yet because I’m pretty sure I’m wearing that to DCU next Friday and I don’t want people cramping my style.

This is hysterical. Top to bottom idiot, redneck bigots. From the preacher to the parents to the special needs teacher to the kids. Funny to laugh at if it wasn’t kinda scary. Like there’s a town in this country that thinks gay kids shouldn’t be allowed at prom. It’s like Footloose only the dancing makes the boys start blowing each other rather than your standard heterosexual fucking.

But you know why this video really scared me? Diana Medley. Because by the end of this video I wanted to out of wedlock fuck her so bad that I was making a “God Hates Fags” sign a la Westboro Baptist Church. Was ready to stand in front of the auditorium door with her like a stalwart offensive line kicking any gay kids in the dick so they didn’t get into the dance and affect the rest of the population. Kind of a harrowing realization for me. Yea I like to sit here and say I believe in equality and gay marriage and all that good stuff. But you put a sassy little blond minx in front of me with a differing point of a view and my beliefs fall faster that a queer’s trousers in the boy’s locker room. Scary stuff.

I’m in that awkward stage between doing post-mortems on the 2012 Patriots and looking ahead to free agency and the draft and trying to figure out what they have to do to get back to the natural order of things: winning championship on the regular. So I’m in what Jules Winnfield called “sort of a transitional period.”

And looking ahead at what the Patriots needs are for 2013, it hit me that I have no idea what their needs are. The formula for winning the Super Bowl is the most baffling and indefinable it’s ever been. Think about it. In every other sport there’s a formula for what a team needs to win a championship. Hockey: You need one great line and solid goaltending. The NBA: 3 All Stars. Baseball: An Ace and two other good starters, power hitting and a closer. Those might be cliches, but it doesn’t mean they’re not accurate.

But what does it take in the NFL? Conventional wisdom says… well, a lot of things. But when you look at the 8 teams that have won the Super Bowl since the Patriots last did in 2005, you realize that everything you’ve ever been told about pro football is wrong:

Myth:You need to put together a good regular season

Fact: Of the 8 teams that have won the Super Bowl since the Patriots last did, 4 of them were Wild Card teams. In fact, those eight champions have averaged 10.8 regular season wins. During the same time span the Pats have averaged 13. And lost.

So I saw Kmarko posted this on the U. Umm what is this? Like okay I get that it’s a managers game, but where did all the people who were storming the court come from? Were they photoshopped in or something? Or were they really watching this game? I mean there were more people at this thing than the Superfans have had at any home game this year. I don’t know what that says about anybody to be honest.

Introducing Michela from Westfield State. For all you Westfield, Springfiled and Umass kids who can’t wait till April 4th for the Revenge of Springfield come to DCU a week from Friday to get your fix in. 9 days till Worcester! Be there

UPDATE – A couple people on twitter have asked why I hate Jason Wolfe and Glenn Ordway so much. I’m sure most Stoolies know the reason, but in case you forgot here it is again. Nothing too earth shattering…

It’s pretty simple really. It’s not that they fired me because of the Howitzer thing. It’s the way they handled it. For starters Glenn Ordway pretty much begged me to be a regular guest on his show. I said no to him because the chemistry sucked. We even joked about it in the office. Like who would have thougt 5 years ago WEEI would be asking me to be a regular on the Big Show and I’d be like thanks but no thanks. Just shows how far we’d come and how far they’d fallen. They needed me. I didn’t need them. Holly even called me up and tried to talk me into it. Eventually I agreed to do D+C because I got along better with them.

Fast forward to when the Howitzer thing happened. Nobody was talking about that blog till Ordway went off on it. He spent 3 hours on it. He was agreeing with callers who literally said somebody should come to my house with a baseball bat and cave my head in. What really pissed me off though is that I had been doing the morning show for probably a couple months on WEEI at that point. Jason Wolfe had my cell phone. Ordway had my cell phone. They never gave me a chance to defend myself. Just unloaded. Later Holley said he wished they could have had me on since it was only fair to let me say something. A day late and a dollar short. It was a total dick move by Ordway. And then Jason Wolfe announced via twitter and press release I was canned. Didn’t bother to call me first and tell me. Never spoke to me or emailed me. Just announced it via twitter. Bullshit midget coward move.

So that’s why I hate them. Had nothing to do with actually getting fired. I’ve been fired from every radio gig I’ve ever done. I get that WEEI is corporate. I get that I’m not. Still doesn’t excuse the way they handled it in my mind. You asked me to come save your station. Then you grandstanded about how horrible I was without letting me defend myself or even calling me to tell me I was fired. They acted like they never even read the website before. Bottomline is if you don’t have the balls to tell somebody they are fired face to face or at least call them or even email them you are a gutless coward period. They created a mountain of controversy about me and didn’t even attempt to communicate with me about it or give me 3 seconds to explain myself. That’s why I love watching them fail.

Nosebleeds – A disgruntled high school hockey goalie found a pretty unique way to get back at his coaches on Tuesday night – by scoring on his own net, flipping off his coaches before giving a salute and exiting the ice. The above video comes via a Minnesota high school hockey game between Farmington Senior High School and Chaska High School, according to tweets from Follow The Puck, who seem to have a pretty good understanding of the backstory to the meltdown. According to FTP, the goalie in the video is (or, more likely at this point, was) a senior netminder for Farmington, but had been acting as a backup to a sophomore goalie on the team. The coaches put the elder goalie in net for the school’s Senior Night, opening the door for him to display his dissatisfaction with his role on the team. With Farmington leading 2-1 with three minutes left in the game, the goalie played a loose puck behind his own net and calmly slid it in for an own goal, tying the game. He then started to skate off the ice, flipped off his coaches, gave them a salute, and exited the rink. Then, Chaska went on to win the game 3-2.

So this is going viral right now. This goalie scoring on his own net and then flipping off his coaches and the crowd before leaving the rink. I’m not sure what his buddies were cheering about? Do they think this was badass? A power move? No fucking way. This was a big time dickhead move. I mean the only way this is even remotely acceptable is if all the other seniors were in on it and wanted him to do it. But you got to assume all the other kids on the team actually wanted to win right? Just sums up everything that is wrong with kids today. They think it’s all about them all the time. Hey guess what? Sometimes life ain’t fair. Sometimes you don’t get the playing time you think you deserve. Sometimes somebody else is better than you. Learning how to deal with it is part of life. That’s what being a man is all about. Unfortunately kids never learn that nowadays because they are taught from the second they are born that they are the best at everything and are never wrong and nobody is better than them at anything. And the best part about this is I bet if the coaches yelled at him for it a parent would probably anonymously complain and get the coach fired.

LONDON (AP) — When it comes to mating, guppies treasure their ugly friends – because they look so good by comparison. An article published Wednesday by Britain’s Royal Society says that male guppies prefer to associate with their drab-colored counterparts when females are around. “Males actively choose the social context that maximizes their relative attractiveness,” the article said. Or, as lead author Clelia Gasparini put it, “If you are surrounded by ugly friends, you look better.”"As a researcher I cannot compare human mating systems with the guppy’s one,” she said. “But if you ask me as a person, sure … I saw this tactic working pretty well with humans. “If you want to impress someone, do you think you will look more attractive in comparison with Mr. Bean or George Clooney?”

Fucking scientists. Think they have it all figured out don’t they. Listen I don’t know what guppies do but they got it all wrong for guys. Hanging around with dorks at a bar does not help get you laid. It brings you down. Makes you seem like a squid. Like you’re much better off being the ugliest dude in a great looking group of guys than the best looking guy in an ugly group. You get instant street cred if you hang out with cool guys. Chicks will overlook the fact you’re gross looking. Sure you may not land the best looking broad but there will be plenty of overflow. But if you’re chilling with the band club no hot chick worth her salt wants to be part of that.

Now I will admit this “guppy effect” definitely works for girls. They always love hanging around with fatties to make themselves look hotter. Because dudes don’t give a fuck. They’ll swim through a mile of fat to hook up with the one good looking girl. If anything it encourages guys to hit on them. Like when I see a hot girl with a fat herd I just assume she has low self esteem and doesn’t have the confidence to hang out with hot chicks which is exactly what I’m looking for.

LOS ANGELES — It may sound like a West Side Story-style love story, but some dogs love big cats. Cheetahs are the fastest mammals in the world, but they also are the world’s biggest scaredy-cats — so much so that they don’t breed easily and are in danger of going extinct. Some zoos are introducing dogs to calm the skittish cats and bring attention to their plight. They’re pairing “companion dogs” with some cheetahs to serve as playmates and to provide the cats with guidance. “It’s a love story of one species helping another species survive,” said Jack Grisham, vice president of animal collections at the St. Louis Zoo and species survival plan coordinator for cheetahs in North America. Or, to quote Stephen Stills, it’s a matter of loving the one you’re with, he said. “It is all about comforting and reassuring the cheetah,” said Janet Rose-Hinostroza, animal training supervisor at the San Diego Zoo Safari Park — the top U.S. breeder of cheetahs in captivity. In the past 40 years, 135 cheetahs have been born at the park’s breeding facility.

Well looks like dogs aren’t just awesome at getting humans laid. They’re helping dicks get wet all across the animal spectrum. They don’t give a fuck what species you are. Dude you need help getting some action? Need me to run up and start licking that hot chick or just sit here and make you feel comfortable? No problem either way. Dogs will do whatever they gotta do to make sex happen, and that’s why they’re the coolest. Hey as long as everyone is having a good time, they’re happy too.

PS – Some people might not like the fact that in this case dogs are helping what is technically a cat. Aiding the enemy, so to speak. I think it’s cool though. Big, badass felines like cheetahs and lions and tigers are a different story. Jungle cats are straight with me.

DM - He’s best friends with her ex. So it may raise a few eyebrows to see Justin Bieber’s BFF Alfred Flores walking arm and arm with Selena Gomez.But Justin needn’t worry, as the 25-year-old video editor was simply being a gentleman.Despite first appearances, it seems Flores was merely walking the 20-year-old Disney star to her car after a late night on Sunday. The two were with a party of friends who had attended the Warner Music Group/In Style 2013 after party at the Chateau Marmont in LA. Alfred is known as a director and editor and Bieber’s best friends. He’s typically beside his buddy at awards shows. But since Bieber was not nominated for any Grammy awards, the 18-year-old wasn’t in attendance.

With fucking friends like these who needs enemies? I mean this is some serious bullshit. Rule #1 of being buddies is when your boy breaks up with his girlfriend the chick automatically becomes dead to you. D-E-A-D. Doesn’t matter how bad you want to fuck her. Doesn’t matter how hot she is. Doesn’t matter how friendly you were with her. This is the one defining mark of true friendship. It’s what separates guys from chicks. Chicks will ALWAYS fuck their best friends boyfriends. Guys won’t. That’s why guys have real friends and chicks all sneaky hate each other. And as far as I’m concerned holding hands with is the same thing as fucking. Biebs needs to cut this kid off and cut him off yesterday.

PS – Although having said all that if Selena gave me those smokey eyes I’d probably stuff her right in my best friend’s face too.

I am 100% convinced that Special Agent Philip will be every-bit as crazy this season as he was last time he was on the show. You can’t fake that type of nuts. Unfortunately I don’t see him lasting that long this time around. Crazy tends to catch up with you on Survivor. So I got him at 3 or 4 weeks max. But buckle up because they will be the best 3 or 4 weeks of the show.

For most of the first 10 games, it was typical for Tuukka Rask to bail out his teammates with yet another killer save to hold a lead or maintain a tie. In the eleventh game, it was the skaters that bailed out the pulled-for-an-extra-skater goalie by scoring two goals in the final 91 seconds to come back from a 3-0 deficit and absolutely steal a point from the New York Rangers.

Though the Bruins did lose the breakaway contest and the bonus point, it felt like a win given the seemingly hopeless situation they found themselves in 12 minutes left in the third period. A subpar Tuukka gave up two goals he shouldn’t have, the second one (Rangers’ final goal) a real softie, and they were down three goals to a red-hot Hank Lundqvist. But the Bs clawed their way back to erase the deficit. Though Hank made 37 saves including some stellar early ones, he was the victim of bad bounces more than anything, as all three Boston goals were bang-bang type plays close to the crease that he couldn’t do much on.

So I guess Jim Boeheim doesn’t like Andy Katz or something. I wonder what Andy Katz was disloyal about? I thought maybe he went to Syracuse but he didn’t. He went to St. Joes. Either way Andy Katz seems harmless right? Like of all the snarky reporters to hate at ESPN he’d be just about last on my list. You want to hate a college basketball guy hate Joe Lunardi. Fucking bracketologist. That’s not even a real thing dude.

At first I thought I was going to make fun of this condom delivery boy. But guess what? He had me second I saw him wearing that flashing light helmet to make his deliveries. From that point on I was sold. Totally and completely on Team Condom Delivery Boy. I mean isn’t this what all nerds should aspire to? If you’re not getting laid figure out a way to make money by helping other people get laid. Bro just hustling it through the hallways getting people their condoms. Do you condom boy. Do you.

PS – How about this squid? Outkicked his coverage by a mile. Good for him.

Boston.com – A seismic shakeup at sports radio station WEEI is apparently imminent, with longtime host Glenn Ordway being replaced on its afternoon drive program by Mike Salk, a Boston native who has co-hosted a program on 710 ESPN in Seattle since 2009. Multiple industry sources have said that Salk, a Buckingham Brown and Nichols graduate with previous Boston radio experience at 1510 and the now-defunct ESPN 890, has been heavily pursued by WEEI to replace Ordway, a staple on the Boston sports radio scene since the ’70s, and that he will accept the job. According to sources, Ordway was called in for a meeting with program director Jason Wolfe Tuesday night to discuss the situation. It’s expected that Salk will be paired with Ordway’s current co-host, Michael Holley, in the 2-6 p.m. time slot. The pairing of Salk and Holley, who was moved from middays to afternoon drive in February 2011 when he signed a new multi-year contract, would give WEEI a program that would logically trend younger. WEEI has typically been overwhelmed in the younger Arbitron demographics by rival 98.5 The Sports Hub. The fall is a precipitous one for Ordway even by the volatile standards of the radio business. In September 2009, Entercom, WEEI’s parent company, cut his salary in half after the program failed to finish among the top three stations in the Boston market for a particular demographic in a specific number of consecutive Arbitron books.

Na Na Na Na….Na Na Na Na….Hey Hey Hey Goodbye! There is nothing and I mean nothing I love doing more than bathing in the tears of my vanquished enemies. Everybody just getting fired over at WEEI. Glenn Ordway out. Jason Wolfe packing his bags. I LOVE it. Oh you think WEEI is too old? You think they don’t know how to connect to a younger demo? Gee ya think? Maybe that’s why they fired me over Howitzergate and acted like it was the end of the universe which effectively ruined their one real chance to become relevant again. Oh well. I hate to say I told you so but I told you so. It looks like we can chalk up Glenn Ordway as yet another fool who predicted our demise only to fade into bolivian himself. Good riddance Glen. Enjoy the nursing home.

PS – I tweeted this out yesterday. But to whoever takes over as the new program director at WEEI once that midget Jason Wolfe is fired I will gladly revisit saving your station. You can fight it all you want, but I’m your only answer to 98.5 Call me cocky, call me arrogant, call me whatever you want. Ball don’t lie. Davey Pageviews numbers don’t lie. The solution is sitting right in front of your nose.