Just came back from watching Kingsman: The Secret Service (which is a great movie by the way). I got into a discussion with Bennie about how it's interesting to me that a lot of movies have that same theme, rich people are evil. I saw a meme recently about how there were many billionaires in the world, but no batman. How is it that we continue to live in a world with so much despair. There is more wealth in the world, but the number of people in poverty have risen. How does that make sense?

I've always heard that education is the key to solving poverty and connecting people together. But, that's just not true. There are more people attending college in the United States than any other time in history, yet there is still ignorance, racism, and poverty. There are people who attend the most prestigious schools in the country and won't lend a helping hand to others.

The key is empathy. On my daily journey in Los Angeles, it amazes me how little empathy people have for others. The lack of empathy is in all levels of socioeconomic class, ethnicity, religion, and level of education.

Empathy: is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others.

We need to teach young people empathy. That is the only way things in our world will ever change.

I learned to be empathetic person from my family, television, volunteering, and mentors. I grew up watching Captain Planet, so I learned to take care of the earth. I also watch Reading Rainbow, which taught me a lot about different cultures. My family raised several animals, which we cared for deeply and considered them family members. I had teachers that taught me about the world. I volunteered for several organizations and worked for a nonprofit helping homeless children. I consider myself very lucky to have been raised empathetic to others. Empathy is taught.

A lot of children are not fortunate. Hate is learned. Children are not born to hate others. The cycle of bigotry, ignorance, and selfishness continues.

If we all step into another person's shoes, I wonder how much different our world could be. Education opens the door, but to solve the world's problem we need empathetic people.

I stumbled upon this song and it reminded me of all my past relationships. I looked through the comments and it's interesting how much people can relate to this song. The hardest thing to do is let go of someone that you know is bad for you.

I think the reason we hold onto someone who is making us sad and upset is because of the unknown. If I let this person go, who will love me, will I find anyone else. For me, I didn't value myself. I grew up unloved, unwanted, and unhappy.

I never thought I would be in a healthy relationship. I felt like I was damaged goods, but here I am almost 2 years later in a loving, healthy, respectful relationship. This is the first relationship I've had where I am not worried he will leave me or where I'm the one trying to make it work.

Now I can say that I'm so glad I'm not with my ex's. At the time, I was scared and unsure. I thought I could make it work. I thought if I changed myself or if I became skinnier things would be different. The reality is, those relationships were just not good for me.

The bravest thing I ever did was make the decision to leave my ex who was in med school. I think out of everyone I dated, he completely shattered me. It took me nearly 3 years to recover from that relationship. We dated for 2 years. He strung me along. I wanted a long term relationship and he would always say he wasn't sure about me. He would always say why couldn't I be in the moment. It was hard to let him go because we had fun together. But, he didn't see a future with me. After that relationship, I didn't care about myself at all. I felt broken.

I think the moment things changed for me was when I realized that I'm special. That I shouldn't base my happiness on what they thought of me. I deserve to be with someone that loves me. I deserve to be with someone that doesn't take me for granted. One thing my little sister would always say "If someone wants to be with you, they will be with you". They don't make excuses, they find a way.

The fact was that all those guys I dated before Bennie didn't care if I was there or not. I saw a guy about the time I was seeing Bennie. He was a partner of an agency, had a nice place, car, was nice, we got along, but he didn't care. He didn't care if I was there or not, I wasn't special to him. With Bennie, it was really different.

After the 4th date, I wrote Bennie an email that I couldn't be with him. I expected him to just leave it at that. But, he wrote me this long, beautiful email of why we should be together. After I read that email, I just knew that this was the person I wanted to be with.

The thing I want to get across to people is don't stay in a bad relationship. It's not worth it. There is someone out there that will love and cherish you. Sure I could have stuck it out with my exes, but I was crying every night. They brought out the worst in me. Bennie brings out the best in me.

I found this video today by Cambria on youtube and found a lot of truth in it. I've been a binge eater my whole life and it wasn't till I saw this video, I realize how I can stop binge eating.

What is Binge Eating Disorder? It is a eating disorder that is characterized by uncontrollable eating, frequently beyond the point of feeling full, and having the feeling of loss of control when eating. People with binge eating disorder do not engage in purging, using laxatives, which separates it from Bulimia.

Symptoms of Binge Eating Disorder

Frequent episodes of consuming very large amounts of food

A feeling of being out of control during binge eating episodes

Feelings of strong shame or guilt regarding binge eating

Eating much more rapidly than usual

Eating until uncomfortably full

Indications that the binge eating is out of control, such as eating when not hungry, eating to the point of discomfort, or eating alone because of shame

Consequences of Binge Eating Disorder

Diabetes

High Blood Pressure

High Cholestrol

Gallbladder disease

Heart disease

Shortness of breath

Cancer

Menstrual problems

Decrease mobility

Tiredness

Sleep Problems

It wasn't till my adult life that I put a name to my behavior. I always thought I was an over eater and that was all. I remember being as young as 8 years old and bingeing. I would eat to the point of throwing up. Not because I wanted to throw up, but because I couldn't stop eating.

There's a misconception that Cambria points out that I've always suspected. The theory always was that binge eating has to do with emotions. The ironic thing was that whenever I became very emotional, whether it was very angry or depressed, I didn't eat. I actually can go days without eating because I don't feel like it.

Emotional eating does have binge eating as a symptom, but binge eating disorder is completely different. I have always been treated as an emotional eater, no wonder I haven't been able to kick my binge eating.

I can go several months living a healthy lifestyle, but I always go back to binge eating. This last episode has lasted me almost 2 years. I have gained over 50lbs from binge eating. I have a lot of guilt and shame. I am unhappy with my habit and the way I look. I get treated differently now that I have gained so much weight. It's a really sad situation.

Everyone kept telling me that it has to do with mind control and if I could just control it I could stop. The problem is it's more than mind control. I cannot stop myself when I get into a binge. The thought of food consumes me. It's an addiction. The worst part is the after affect of guilt and shame. This process has become a habit and a fear.

A break through I made from the video is that my body is crying out for nutrition and that turns into bingeing. That is a light bulb moment for me. Whenever I'm on an eating schedule, I don't binge. The only times I binge are when I have not eaten anything through out the day. I usually binge at night. I also tend to binge during my menstruation cycle.

Like Cambria, I have seen doctor's, nutritionist, and therapist regarding this condition and my weight gain. Nothing that they have said has helped me. The problem is that I already know everything that they are telling me. The suggestion is always to cut back on sugar, fats, and restrict myself from food. I don't drink soda, I rarely ever eat candy, rarely eat processed food and I don't eat fast food. The problem has always been that I don't eat enough through out the day and then binge at night. I get all my calories in the evening, that's not healthy.

I also am raised in a large family, so I'm used to making foods in large quantities. That contributes to my bingeing. I will eat the whole pot of soup or the whole chicken. I'm learning to portion things out to a single serving. That has helped tremendously.

Today, I start anew. A new year, a new beginning. 2014 had many ups and down, but I leave 2014 with a much clearer direction in life. I am finally working full time in a community I enjoy. I am working with Bennie on getting Jiang Hu Productions off the ground and continue making amazing films. I finally have the courage to start my photography project documenting people's stories. 2014 I wrestled a lot with what was my purpose in life. I finally realized that I was put on this earth to inspire people and share their stories. I feel really good about 2015. I feel like I'm making another big step in the right direction.I'm still struggling financially, but I think 2015 will be filled with a lot of miracles and blessings. Happy New Year!

Yesterday my sister texted me asking me if my legs hurt when I was younger. We suspect that my nephew may have the condition Internal Tibial Torsion. This brought a wave of memories about my condition.

I was born with Internal Tibial Torsion, which is when the tibia is rotated inwardly causing in-toeing. As you can see in the pictures, my toes rotate inward. From what I have read, most children that have Internal Tibial Torsion outgrow it and the legs straighten out. In my case, it became progressively worse. My case is slightly different and I suspect I have a different form of the condition, Femoral Anteversion. My leg is actually twisted from the hip. We suspect that this condition is hereditary as my aunt on my father's side has a similar condition and my siblings all have varying degrees of the condition.

My mother knew right away something was wrong with my legs, but the only treatment suggested to her was surgery. There was a high chance that I would become paralyzed from the operation, so my mother did not want to do it. How my mom describes it is that they would have needed to break my bones and set it correctly. She went to several specialist. Many of them suggested different stretching exercises and even ballet.

I hated ballet. I was treated very ill by the teacher and students. I was incapable of doing any of the moves because my foot and leg couldn't rotate to their standards. There was little compassion and I remember feeling really bad about myself. I only did ballet for a few weeks before my mother took me out.

The worst part of the condition was the way I was treated. I would constantly get questions on why my legs were that way. My father didn't understand it and would get frustrated with me that I couldn't walk normally. It wasn't a matter of using my brain to straighten it out. The problem was that the bone had formed inward and I couldn't turn it outward even if I could.

Somehow I was able to walk. I think children are resilient in that way. If there is a will there is a way. The only major problem with my condition was that I constantly was tripping over myself. I have scars all over my leg from the many times I fell. I remember one time vividly. I was walking across the street and it wasn't easy pavement. I tripped and fell and the rocks became in lodged in my knees. I was bleeding profusely. I still have many scars where the rocks were.

My mother was my only advocate and was determined to find help for me. It wasn't till the 6th grade when a chance meeting with a Podiatrist at our church. He directed us to the Dynamics Orthotics and Prosthetics. I was finally able to get the help I needed. By this time, my feet were turned completely inward to where my toes could actually touch the heel of the other foot. They made me several Orthotics and I wore leg braces to school for a year. The leg braces I wore were very similar to what Forest Gump had to wear as a child. It looked like I was wearing the opposite shoe on each side. I got a lot of teasing from other students in 6th grade. I was so happy when I finally got them off.

I'm thankful for my mom because to correct this condition it was not covered by insurance. I sincerely hope that it is now.

My toes do still turn inward as you see in the picture above, but the difference is I can actually turn it back out. This was not the case before. Before, It would physically hurt if I tried to turn it out. Now my legs look like Knock Kneed.

From every website that I looked at regarding leg abnormalities in children, it reassured parents that their child would be okay. I would say there is no need to get into a panic or hysteria if you suspect your child has Internal Tibia Torsion or another such condition. But, I do think parents should keep an eye on it. The good thing about this condition is that it can be corrected.

I saw a young man, younger than me, who had the same condition, but it was never corrected. I kept thinking, if only this young man had an advocate like my mother, he would be able to walk normally.

My mother went to several doctors and the vast majority of them would do nothing or resorted to surgery. There are options. Also keep in mind that doctors can only treat a condition if they are familiar with that condition, otherwise they will dismiss it. I will write another post about several cases in my family where the doctor was wrong.

My sister is actually finding it difficult to find a doctor that will help even though it runs in our family. Doctor's may think it's just a mother worrying about her child, but I think it's better to be concerned than to ignore something that has a possibility of progressing to what I had to experience. I'm an advocate that mother's know their child and know when something is wrong. Don't give up, like my mother she had to go to several different doctors before she found someone that could help me.

I offer my story to the internet and I hope that someone may find this information helpful.

Born and raised in Los Angeles, but even I get a little excited when I see a celebrity. Yesterday, I met Randy Jackson. That was one of the coolest encounters because usually I don't recognize people. He was the first person I recognized right away.

Bennie and my sister Juliet have a great eye for spotting celebrities. Maybe it's a Gemini sixth sense, but almost every time I go out with them we see someone.

I'm afraid of what's happening in our world. Especially what's happening in the United States. It is the end of 2014 and our country is still divided. Am I the only person that thinks this is crazy?

Today I'm scrolling through my Facebook and it seems my friends are very much divided. They are either for #BlackLivesMatter or #CopLivesMatter. Why not both? What about #JusticeMatters?﻿ Two officers in New York City﻿ were killed randomly. They were innocent. So were the many people who were unjustly killed by officers. I empathize with all innocent victims.

I empathize because they were fathers, mothers, daughters, sons, husband, and wives. They leave behind people who really loved and cared for them. I'm not black, and I'm not a police offer, but I have lost people I loved and cared for. The pain of loss is universal.

We cannot continue on this way. We need people to come together because without unity humanity is lost. Empathy, compassion, and kindness should be in every action. Hate does not solve hate, it never has and never will. I don't know how to solve all the world's problems, but it all starts from first empathizing. #JusticeMatters

Yesterday was Christmas and it was probably one of the most relaxing one I've had in a long time. We went to breakfast at Denny's with my mom and sister. Then in the evening we went to watch the last installment of The Hobbit with our friend Ben. Usually Bennie goes to see his family this time of year, but it wasn't financially feasible. I know he was heartbroken that he wasn't able to go. We are planning on saving some money so we can go next year.

We got the car back today. We still need to get an oil change and a new tire. I'm looking forward to not having to fix anything else for a long time.

After we got the car, we got a bite to eat at Islands. Then we hung around the mall to walk off the fries. I bought Bennie the Nancy figurine at this really cool comic shop, Cool Cats Comics and Cards. Bennie was like a little kid in a candy store. On the flip side, Bennie bought me the Hello Kitty snowman ty doll at Toyko Japanese Lifestyle. I love that store. They have the cutest dolls and accessories. I felt like a kid in a candy store.

I really wanted the Totoro Jacket from Hot Topic, but it was $60. It'll have to be something I put on my wishlist.

I did 3 days of working out. I'm really proud of myself for being consistent with the workout. I did the Victoria Secret Model Workout. It's just 10 minutes, but it always makes me sweat. It's a good way to get an intense workout in a short period of time.

Next week we are going to start apartment hunting. I'll do an update on the whole finding a rental and moving situation. Our budgets pretty tight and we have 2 dogs. It's going to be a challenge, but I'm confident we will find something.

So it begins, 30 Days of blogging. I'm challenging myself to be consistent with the blogging. There have been huge gaps in when I post things. That's one of my goals for 2015, BE CONSISTENT.

The past few days we had been dealing with car issues. We had been putting off several repair issues, but this weekend we heard the car struggling. We took it to our mechanic, Car Nerds. We need a new timing belt, spark plugs, coils, water pump, and oil change. The total cost of the repairs is coming out to be about $800. Luckily, I had been saving some money for as an emergency fund. We still need to replace one of the tires. But, the good news is that we got a free rental car from Car Nerds and we won't be having problems with the car for a long time.

I started working out again today. I had gained about 50lbs since I met Bennie a year and a half ago. This is the heaviest I've ever been. I've made a lot of unhealthy choices and have become very lazy. I was thinking back to how I lost weight before. The biggest thing for me is finding something I enjoy. I love dancing, but hate going to stuffy crowded classes. I started looking at youtube video's and found a bunch of different routines. I have a playlist of workout video's that I have saved, check it out. I did one of the dance routines and was sweating up a storm. My goal is to do it everyday.

I had Bennie escort me to my churches candlelight service. We saw a mutual friend that we hadn't seen for some time. The service was nice. The best thing about Oasis is the music.

We walked to Mr. Pizza after service. I love Mr. Pizza. I was gifted two $25 coupons for Christmas. The service and food is always top notch. I was so stuffed after eating dinner. I'm glad we walked over to the restaurant. It gave us a chance to burn off a few calories.

I have a lot of hopes and dreams for 2015. I'll post my resolutions on January 1st. Merry Christmas!!