Tyne And Wear Metro Reminds Passengers Not To Get Decapitated On The Train

TYNE and Wear Metro have created a new safety video. Called “Don’t be insane, use your brain“, the video comes with a song and cartoon passengers being killed by decapitation and electricity.

Train operator DB Regio wants passengers to stop propping the doors open to let late arrivals onboard. They say it’s “madness”. Since April, 80 trains have been delayed this way. No-one has died. To correct thing to do is to let the doors close and then wave at the wet, tired and emotional passenger left standing on the platform.

“We introduced platform announcements and put posters up on train doors to remind passengers that they shouldn’t obstruct the doors. But it doesn’t seem to have worked, because people are still doing it. It’s madness really. You wouldn’t stick your hand in the door of a bus that was about to leave a bus stop, would you? But that’s just what people are doing on the Metro.”

We hear you, Sharon. The only thing for it is to equip the doors with whirling blades or, better yet, a jihadi in every carriage ready to wield an axe lest the infidels tamper with the doors. Also, we’d like them to pilot a scheme whereby backpackers, anyone eating a kebab or shouting “Come on you lot, cheer up” is shot in the face.