I masturbated three times today, how about you?

Because it's not really something we talk about as women? Because you don't care how many times a day I masterbate or because you're afraid to find out you're not doing it enough?

Now to be clear, I didn't masturbate on three separate occasions today. It was one occasion but I kept going until I had three orgams. Not bad for woman hey?! Now I believe if you were a man you would say you masturbated three times, however for a woman that only counts as once. Right? This really is very confusing to me and depending on your answer, I would be in the 22% of woman in 2009 that masturbate "A few times per month to weekly". If it counts for more then I'm the even more rare bird species that masturbates 9% or possibly even the 1.5% if I were to mention that I do this a couple days a week. On top of that I aim to squeeze in a couple sessions with my husband, and those two events might just land on the same day. TMI? I hope so.

Why aren't women talking about this stuff? Why, when women talk about how many times a week they got off it comes across as sounding slutty,disgusting and degrading. Why do men get fist pumps for getting their rocks off 50 times a week (ok that's a crazy amount, even by my standards.) But you get what I'm trying to say? It's totally something we keep in the closet and feel ashamed about rather than proud, honest and upfront.

Women need to owwwwn that shit! Men (over 18) don't have the ability (*cough or skills) to be able to have multiple orgasms, heck some poor unlucky women can't either. So why are we shaming this elite group of women? Are we jealous of their abilities to have so many orgasms (define too many.) I think what we really need to do instead is:

A. Update this freakishly old research document with something at least from the last decade (2010) because I sure hope the stats have improved even slightly. *Reminder, send email to parliament to fund new research.

B. Discuss why women aren't masturbating more often or even at all for that matter.

C. Talk about some of the health benefits masturbation has for women and why every woman should be doing it.

Now for a moment I'm gonna be honest, like really honest. I really enjoy masturbating, like a lot. WHAT? WHY? You're married, doesn't your husband have sex with you? You work and have three kids, when do you find the time? Is your husband ok with this?

Don't freak out!? I said I like to masturbate not pick my goddamn nose. Yes I am happily married and my husband is aware that his wife "jacks off", but masturbating feels secure and powerful to me. It is described as to " stimulate one's own genitals for sexual pleasure." in the dictionary. It LITERALLY cannot be done to you by anyone else, how powerful is that!? Plus now I know all the good spots, so later I can explain to the person holding the reins how to maneuver this pony (* I just choked on my water.) But seriously though, how is a woman expected to be able to explain to someone who has NO clue what a cliterus is, let alone operate one? Am I right here ladies? I am all about exploring, learning and growing experience in this department for my very own good. I love the exhilarating feeling it gives me knowing that I can do it best on my own. I have invested some quality time into my nether region figuring out what makes "Labia" happy (see previous Blog post 😂). You bet I am going to maximize this amazing gift us woman came with (in our box...hahaha I had too). Have I mentioned it's on demand!?

At least once a week I sneak away to my room to take care of business. Mostly during the day when the family is out and occasionally when the fam is at home. I don't need to go into details (unless you want?) but basically I resurface from the bedroom a whole new woman. I would consider it a version of meditation actually now that I think about it. I have a few minutes (5-10 ish before anyone comes looking, however I strongly recommend locking the door.) to spend focused 100% on myself and in my own mind or vagina, what ever. Yup, that basically describes meditation and you're welcome! I can explore and find what feels good to me on this day, in this space and on my own terms. I feel all of the emotions and excitement of the upcoming vibrations that will soon pulse through my body and I start getting excited. Sounds pretty fucking amazing doesn't it? BECAUSE IT IS!!! If you're not doing it girl, then you need to be figuring that shit out right now. What's that? You don't have a desire for sex? Maybe that's because you're not spending enough time figuring out how to make it feel good. I recommend you explore, feel what feels good to you at least once a week, because you deserve it. Us women put up with a lot of shit and not making time to masturbate should not be one of them.

Maybe when all women start masturbating and have some experience, we could all give each other a few pointers? Hey, am I right?

Ok, but it all seriousness now masturbating is actually very important for a number of real health reasons. But because I'm not a doctor I have attached a short post that will really sum things up for you. Basically though it's really awesome for women with sleep issues and those who are unable to sleep. Masturbating yourself to sleep can help in getting rid of such sleep issues (not even kidding you that was in the article, now go read it!)

I hope this has brought the masturbation issue into a whole new perspective for you. That rather than avoiding it and feeling ashamed, know that you're actually doing yourself a HUGE favor. You go girl, grab some lube and wash your hands because you're in for a treat!

Now I'm off to plan a vibrator party for my birthday and if I see any of you around town, give me a fist pump ladies!!!