I feel I am an excellent candidate for the Upper Chamber. I know you have had a tough time appointing journalists to the Senate but, truth be told I never liked Pamela Wallin’s reporting and Mike Duffy … well, he wears polka-dot ties.

While it is true that I am not, or ever have been, a Conservative Party member, just think of the political hay you could make by appointing someone who isn’t from your inner circle, who isn’t a bastion of the oil industry, and who doesn’t speak French (OK, the last one might not play that well in some circles, but we don’t care about Quebec anyway, right?).

I have built a house here in Prince George, so, yes, I actually live in the area I would be serving unless you appointed me, however, I would be willing to relocate, (at least on paper), to PEI or elsewhere. Being appointed to the Senate would afford me the time and money to put the finishing touches on my new house. You could say it’s part of your jobs plan that we keep waiting for … economic development in the west and all that.

Your humble lemming,

Bill Phillips

Dear Liberal leader Justin Trudeau:

Please accept this as my application for the Canadian Senate, when you get elected prime minister.

I feel that I am an excellent candidate for the Upper Chamber. Your predecessor had a tough time appointing journalists to the Senate, so it’s time to get it right and un-sully the bad name yellow journalists have in the Red Chamber.

While it is true that I am not, or ever have been, a member of the Liberal Party of Canada, you have removed that priority this week … I think. But think of the political hay you can make because I won’t be an independent Liberal who happens to be a senator, or was that a Liberal senator who happens to be an independent, or an independent senator who happens to be Liberal? Can’t remember what you’re calling them these days, but memory loss is a good quality for a senator, isn’t it?

When I was growing up your father’s name was a dirty word in our house, so just think of the generational reparations you can make between French and English Canada. While I don’t speak French, I can do a pretty good imitation of Jean Chretien’s accent.

Your true Grit,

Bill Phillips

Dear NDP leader Tom Mulcair:

Please accept this as my application for the Canadian Senate, when you get elected prime minister.

I know you want to abolish the Senate, but you can probably make a few appointments before you do. The pension payout would certainly be welcome.

While it is true that I am not, or ever have been, a member of the New Democratic Party, Dave Barrett stayed at my house once when I was a kid. But why do you want to abolish the Senate? Do you somehow think that Canada’s social safety net is for the poor and disadvantaged?

I feel that I am an excellent candidate for the Upper Chamber. Your predecessor had a tough time appointing journalists to the Senate, so here’s your chance to prove that it wasn’t a partisan thing.

Socially yours,

Bill Phillips

Dear Green Party leader Elizabeth May:

Please accept this as my application for the Canadian Senate, when you get elected prime minister.

I realize that may be some time from now, but by then I should be old enough and senile enough to make a great senator.

While it is true that I am not, or ever have been, a member of the Green party, I do own a hybrid car (plus a honkin’ big four-by-four, but we won’t go there).

I’m not really sure what you want to do with the Senate. There isn’t much information because you are apparently working on issues that impact ordinary Canadians, something I wouldn’t have to worry about if you appointed me to the Senate.

Green with envy,

Bill Phillips

P.S. I have chosen to e-mail all four letters since it’s unclear when Canada Post will get them to the superbox put up at the corner of Sussex Drive and Alexander Street … would hate to see any of our leaders hoofing down there at this time of year.

Bill Phillips is the managing editor of the Prince George Free Press. Read his blog here