When I first went to university, I very soon had two favorite classes.
The one involved coming up with an idea - a solution to a problem - and
documenting it (why, how, the solution would work, etc). The second, was
a class in TurboPascal. I ate it up. The language was ok, but mildly
frustrating as I remember it. I didn't have a completely clear
understanding of why and how, but I found it very magical to create.
I could create - create anything I wanted or anything I could use the
language to create (as languages, of all types, can easily become
barriers unless you learn to properly employ them).

I'd been timid as a child. Intimidated by my peers, by my siblings,
and by my surroundings. In my own element, where I found myself somewhat
in control or completely knowledgeable about the subject at hand, I
could find myself at ease, but apart from at the farm, or outside the
classroom, I was out of my element. My peers, and siblings (and their
offspring) found my excellence in the classroom as perhaps intimidating,
or perhaps insulting or unworthy of recognition. But if that's one of
two places where you find yourself at ease, its nigh impossible to
stop performing well. Its not a question of impressing the right
people, but, in my situation, any positive reinforcement feels
wonderful.

I the business world, at least in my business world, I've found that
excellence is rewarded, complemented, and appreciated. As a youth it
lead to hostility, insult, jealousy, contempt and disrespect. Certainly,
in the business world, these negative results can still be experienced,
but I'd vouch to say that they emanate from adult bodies with insecure
youths trapped inside.

But university is a place to be tried, rewarded, insulted, and
generally instilled (tuned) with knowledge, ability, and understanding.
And so I found comfort in creation. At first it was the simple ability
to run a program - a simple program that put words on a screen. Any
words I commanded the machine to put on the screen would be displayed
(if I held to the rules - the syntax - of the language).

Yet my confidence and focus in university were battered and I let
myself down. I didn't have the faith in myself that I could understand
if I put in enough effort. So I didn't apply the necessary time on one
lab that came back to haunt me in the final. My marks suffered and I
left "First Year" with the desire to do something different.

Two years in France gave me a chance to learn - to learn about myself,
about other people, about the world, and about where I found work most
enjoyable. Again it was in front of a computer. This time the language
was different - it was data organization and representation. Yet the
task was the same - improvement. Using the computer to improve a
process, simplify, reduce labour.

I am a machine.

I live to improve. Improvement comes through creation.

I am creation.

So I returned to university. I had worked, in the best and worst
conditions all at the same time, in France and found confidence and
ability and understanding in myself. I found my strengths. My patience
and determination were improved. I found faith in myself and tolerance
in my surroundings and peers. Their words would no longer stick to me.
Though they may hurt - sting for a moment - I gained resilience and
confidence.

I retook classes that challenged me before and prevailed. And I took a
new programming class.

C++

Those three syllables had been ominous to the old me - something beyond
my abilities or opportunities. Like Calculus to Arithmatic, C++ to
Pascal was seen, by the old me, as a higher level - a challenge that
would surely be demeaning and frustrating, not something I would enjoy.

And yet, given the opportunity to receive instruction, I latched on and
have not yet been filled. Soon I found myself using language constructs
the instructor did not understand or appreciate and I found myself yet
again conversing with the instructor (or teacher in the more youthful
days) over how I was indeed correct.

Another year of school and the language became more clear and my
abilities grew. Year over year I learned and grew and created. Soon it
was another language, and another. Then it was how ALL languages work.
And on reaching that point, the language specifically ceased to be
important, as fitting the appropriate language to the problem at hand
became more fun. Using the language that made the act of creation
easier, or more enjoyable, is what happens now.

But the task is always the same.

Solving the problem. Creating the solution. Improving the process.

Yet software development is a hobby - a side-project. My skills improve
in many areas, and as long as I learn and improve, I am happy.