years ago I was afforded the opportunity to remain silent for nearly 8 days. a dear friend of mine gave me the keys to his log cabin in the Berkshires which was located in rural western Massachusetts. the time was magical, challenging, beautiful, and wildly needed.

being alone in that silence was a powerful time for me and it became the most transformative time in my life. it was there I cried out the atrocities that I faced in my childhood and began to release the pain. it was there that I found the courage to change my name and allow for further transformation. it was there that I found the inner strength to ask Michael for a divorce (the first time). it was there that I realized that I had the spirit to accomplish what I wanted to in life.

with each step and with each passing day I became profoundly aware that I am and always will be a work in progress. each step allowed for stretching, growing, and becoming more grounded in the person I am. the 8 days lead me to new heights and allowed me to face some very real realities too.

Mendocino, California Photo Courtesy of Sandra G. Wortzel

moving forward. . .
until this afternoon, I hadn’t realized that I haven’t had real time alone in so very long, perhaps even years. I guess I now understand why I have been feeling like I am on overload; I need to allow for more quiet in my life. while I don’t currently have 8 full days, I will take as much time as I can over the next 11 days when my sons are visiting their dad and grandmother. with work and previously scheduled plans, I have decided to treasure the quiet hours I do have.

I started by canceling three sets of plans for today and tomorrow. 🙂 I bet you are wondering what I will do with the time. this is easy to answer. I will take time just to sit in the quiet, write without distraction, and breathe a little more deeply. I will also take naps, work on some of my art, and chant. and finally, the dogs, Maddie and Magic will get some undivided attention.

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up
and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come.
You wait and watch and work: you don’t give up.”~Anne Lamott

allowing for the sadness
the world has been dragging my spirit down a little bit of lately. how can it not?

once I realized that I haven’t had or taken the time I needed to center myself, I understood why I was taking the harshness as hard as I have. yes, life is not easy for someone who walks in the world as I do, but I do have the responsibility to find the light and the angels in this world. I can’t move forward in any are if I don’t take that time to nurture my own spirit.

I do have some reasons both personally and within the many worlds I exist to feel sadness. so with that in mind, I am allowing for the tears to fall. in truth, there is no container that can gather the tears, but that’s ok. I believe that tears plant seeds towards new growth. you can’t move forward without navigating the darkness. once through the darkness, all of us can slowly catch the sparks that will create more light in our worlds.

and in truth, my life has so much light too. I live in a world of angels that are doing all they can to make the world a better place. in fact, I am showing up to make our world a better place too. I, sincerely, feel blessed in the world I have and continue to create for myself.

as my teacher SARK might say, it is my job to embrace “the messy middle”; I am perfectly imperfect. so I am doing just that as I take time to listen to the quiet.

may we all move towards the light and do whatever we can to create more sparks.

i am alive
i am thriving
i am soaring
my world is simply precious beyond words.

I am not sure when I learned how to dance or to sing. I can’t remember when I found my voice or my rhythm. And yet, I have. My world was not diminished by the demons that had moments of breaking my spirit.

My heart broke, so many times my entire being felt shattered. The tears fell and welts swelled – sometimes physical and sometimes metaphorically. And yet, the clouds allowed splinters of light to stream around me and into me.

The bruises have healed and my heart is now intact. The door has opened wide and has beckoned me through. Feel my heartbeat, imagine how deeply I can now breathe, and watch my spirit soar.

The whole world is a very narrow bridge;the important thing is not to be afraid.
~Rabbi Nachman of Bratslav

It is never too late
To start over again,
To feel again
To love again
To hope again…

(Adapted from Rabbi Harold Schulweis’ “It is Never Too Late”)

Life has always been full for me.

Mostly I find the sparks of light and keep pushing forward. Mostly. And there are days that I simply live in the metaphors. I ‘climb every mountain’, ‘shovel shit’ and of course ‘cross that bridge when I come to it’.

The key is that I always keep moving. Sometimes I ‘tread water’; sometimes I ‘pedal backwards’, but I always navigate in hopes of landing in a better place. And while I may have to cope with some fear, I remember that moving forward is not optional. As long as I am striving to live authentically and working towards reaching my dreams, I will have what it takes to cross over ‘the bridge’.

Even now as I seek solid ground as I look for a professional position that can be positively impactful in every way AND as I try to grow as a mother, a writer and a human being. I have come so far and have so far to go. Don’t we all?

One of the first songs/verses that helped me navigate the many bridges of my life was Reb Nachman’s, The World is a Narrow Bridge’. This song has joined me in every step of my life since I can remember. I remember singing these words to myself for hours during my very dark childhood, when living in Israel and facing the War in Lebanon and with the painfully health challenges that plagued my children’s lives.

With each and every personal, community, and world crisis – this melodic tune would soothes me and coaxes me into action and into believing that while the world is a narrow bridge’, we can’t get stuck. We have to trust that we can keep moving forward. As long as we realize that there is no room for allowing fear to get in the way of healing, life has the possibility of moving to a better place.

Even with loss comes memories.
Even with failure comes knowledge.

Life is a journey full of so many bridges that each of us will need to cross during our life times. So many of them will feel daunting; some will feel freeing; all will lead us to transformation. May we have the strength to keep perspective with each and every step as we cross ‘our bridge’.

With love, light, and blessings,
Chava

PS-I have fallen in love with Elton John’s, ‘The Bridge’. It is another reminder of how bridges ultimate add to the fabric of my life.

I am blessed that there are so few moments when darkness doesn’t allow me to see clearly.

Today I feel warmth from the amazing sparks that could easily burst into a flame. There are so many gifts that surround me at any given moment. And yes, there is also deep pain that is part of my life and part of the lives of so many people that I love. But for now, I want to focus on the gifts.

My sons:

Today Aryeh and Dovi went biking together for the first time in forever!!!! Now that may seem silly because they are 21 and 17 years old; yet for so many reasons, it really is quite amazing.

AND Dovi has asked for shorts so that he can be more comfortable biking; he hasn’t worn shorts in nearly 10 years. Now this is a shehecheyanu moment (a blessing that is recited when you do something for the first time in a long time or ever).

Dovi decided to excel in math and that is exactly what he is doing!

This week, we have had some incredibly sweet moments as a family.

Aryeh continues to amaze me in the way he takes care of everyone in the family; he is truly growing into a man! Wow.

Friends:

I love how my friends reach out and are totally present for me. As I type, one group of friends is trying to find ways to help me thrive emotionally; they are working towards creating options for me to make it through a challenging period of time.

A few different friends have found ways for me to support myself after losing my livelihood. Yay!

One friend just embroidered a bath-sheet with my name on it!!!! She even used my favorite colors. I can’t wait to see it and use it! (If you are curious, I love sage and lavender. . . but in truth all shades of purple are awesome.)

A couple of friends have given me great gifts when I wasn’t sure how I would move forward.

I am held by some profoundly loving souls.

Taking care of me:

I found a care-giving position that is giving me more normal hours so that I don’t have to work all-nighters.

I am on Day 8 of not drinking any sodas!!!!!

I am getting more hours of sleep than I had been getting previously; this week I have gone to sleep by 10 PM nearly every night.

I am taking time to write.

My blog reached 30,000 viewers today. Sometimes I even hear that my writing is inspiring those that take time to read my writings. YAY! I so love sharing my inner thoughts through writing.

I spoke with one of my closest friends this week after a too long hiatus.

Insights for the week

Omm backwards is Moo. (Thanks Dietz Family)

My intuition keeps getting stronger and stronger; I love that I am learning to actively listen and respond to my gut.

Finding answers to questions is not always so simple. . . .Never ask your friends what is better a Vitamix vs. Blendtec OR Nutri-Bullet vs. Ninja. 🙂 Can you tell my blender is dying and I am into making green smoothies?

Everyone has a different perspective about the practices of the High Holy Days. I am thinking next year I may create my own practice and share with those that are interested.

Words have meaning and attitude; just when you think something makes sense, you learn it doesn’t.

I love that I can always find light even when I am walking down a dark alley. Hoping the same for you too!

Blogging is what I do. I love writing and sharing my heart, my mind, and my soul.

Reflection Time Selfie

If this is your first time reading this series of my blog, please take a moment and read the introduction Elul Journey: A New Year Is Emerging – 5775 http://t.co/Y6vmXdO6GJ

Today is 16 Elul or 14 days until 5775; it is a time to reflect and to choose ways in which I can best move towards the High Holy Days and the days that follow. While it is not easy to navigate life’s journeys, I always get to decide how to approach my life. In this moment, I am choosing to walk gently and embrace each step with openness. As I say this, I also realize that this would be a good time for a reality check.

During each blog post of my Elul Journeys, I will share a poem, a saying, a teaching that has helped me navigate the world. Let me know what you think!

~ ~ ~

We can change the world and make it a better place. It is in your hands to make a difference.
Quote by Nelson Mandela

~ ~ ~

Today is September 11th, a day in which so many of us are remembering pain and feeling the destruction that happened 13 years ago. While we all remember the pain and destruction, let us also remember how strangers were helping strangers, how people wanted to help, and how we supported those that lost their beloveds. 9/11 was full of darkness that has lasted, but there were sparks of light that impacted the world too.

Many people did what they could to make a very dark world seem a little brighter. We can learn from that; we must learn from that.

Let us all use our two hands (metaphorically speaking) to make the world a better place for good. We may not think we can do much, but we can all do something.

Blogging is what I do. I love writing and sharing my heart, my mind, and my soul.

Reflection Time Selfie

If this is your first time reading this series of my blog, please take a moment and read the introduction Elul Journey: A New Year Is Emerging – 5775 http://t.co/Y6vmXdO6GJ

Today is 12 Elul or 18 days until 5775; it is a time to reflect and to choose ways in which I can best move towards the High Holy Days and the days that follow. While it is not easy to navigate life’s journeys, I always get to decide how to approach my life. In this moment, I am choosing to walk gently and embrace each step with openness. As I say this, I also realize that this would be a good time for a reality check.

During each blog post of my Elul Journeys, I will share a poem, a saying, a teaching that has helped me navigate the world. Let me know what you think!

~ ~ ~

Every step I take in light is mine forever.Quote by Swami Vivekananda

~ ~ ~

Light is always full of power; only when I trust that light, will I soar and be the best person that I can be.

I am a work in progress; all of us are. Still, I try to remember my simple mission in life. My job is to radiate light wherever I go and to absorb the sparks that light the world around me. Only by doing these things can I serve all that is in the universe and make a difference for good.

Always remember that even in the darkest situations, light can emerge.

Nearly 10 years ago, I changed my last name to Gal-Or which means wave of light. Without a doubt, I believe that light has the power to guide me through life and to sustain me throughout my journeys. Time and again, light has helped me navigate life’s challenges and gifts too.

Blogging is what I do. I love writing and sharing my heart, my mind, and my soul.

Reflection Time Selfie

If this is your first time reading this series of my blog, please take a moment and read the introduction Elul Journey: A New Year Is Emerging – 5775 http://t.co/Y6vmXdO6GJ

Today is 8 Elul or 22 days until 5775; it is a time to reflect and to choose ways in which I can best move towards the High Holy Days and the days that follow. While it is not easy to navigate life’s journeys, I always get to decide how to approach my life. In this moment, I am choosing to walk gently and embrace each step with openness. As I say this, I also realize that this would be a good time for a reality check.

During each blog post of my Elul Journeys, I will share a poem, a saying, a teaching that has helped me navigate the world. Let me know what you think!

~ ~ ~

“Forget your perfect offering, and ring the bells that still can ring. There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”~ Leonard Cohen

I am who I am. I am someone who has lived life with all the gifts and challenges that are part of that journey. And the best part of being me is that I can find sparks of light within even the darkest moments of living.

Perfection is not possible for me and if I were “perfect”, I believe that too would be imperfect. As long as we are on journey called life with all of the normal interactions with people and our environment, flaws will remain a part of our existence.

Have you ever noticed that once something breaks it is never the same way once it has been “fixed”? And yet, that which was once broken can be beautiful and precious; sometimes it is even better than it was before it was “fixed”.

Anyone that has lived fully has been broken at one point or another.

Since January, I have worked as a caregiver for people that are experiencing some harsh realities of life. Some are simply aging; some have been plagued by health challenges; and others are preparing to die. Life has a way of throwing punches and wearing people out. Yet, each and every person I have worked with has been full of beauty. Their journeys are part of what has made them into the human beings they are. To be fair, I did not know any of these people previously, but I do see them now — each and every one of them is full of beauty.

Personally, it is great knowing that I always have something to learn. With each mistake, I grow and evolve to become a better person. Light really does trickle into each and every crack allowing the light to spread and radiate wherever it reaches.