Pittsburgh Santarchy & Bananarchy

December 6, 2015
by
David T. Allen

There comes a time in everyone’s life where they have to make a decision: Santa, or Banana?

My friend, co-worker, and standing-desk partner Gabe went to a costume bike ride for Halloween. He was handed a flyer for the Eleventh Annual Santarchy, then, not much later, was handed a flyer for the First Annual Bananarchy, which listed the same location as Santarchy. Gabe found this amusing.

Santarchy is an event run by the Pittsburgh Social Club in which a bunch of people bar crawl dressed as Santa. This snippet from their event summarizes it pretty well:

SANTA DOES NOT SPEAK TO THE PRESS! “HO-HO-HO” IS GOOD. “PUBLICITY HO” IS NOT!

DO NOT MAKE LIL KIDS CRY! Santarchy is for US and the LIL KIDS in all of us!

IT IS YOUR CIVIC DUTY TO MAKE PEOPLE WONDER WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!

And add to that, don’t get yourself into any trouble that you can’t get yourself out of. Santa has a way of disappearing when the red and blue lights start flashing or the fists start flying.

Bananarchy is an event in which people dress like bananas, follow the Santas around, and hassle them. These were the arguments posted for going Banana:

Bananas are never lonely because they hang around in bunches.

Bananas Don’t Care if You’ve been Naughty or Nice!

You’ll never have to tell your kids that Bananas aren’t real!

Naturally, Gabe and I sided with the bananas, and Leslie went rogue in a flamingo hat.

We met the banana bunch at the Beer Market, where a few Santas had recently gathered. We were handed yellow badges and large banana stickers with sayings printed on them.

We were obviously on the less popular side, as the bar became inundated with dozens, if not a hundred, people dressed as Santas, reindeer, abominable snowmen, Christmas trees, Elf, and my favorite, Krampus. We later read upwards of 400 people participated in Santarchy.

Our side was a small, but passionate, group of bananas and monkeys. One banana didn’t have an exposed face, so he demonstrated how a hose ran from his sleeve to his mouth. I glanced over moments later see their hand hovering over their drink, and got a case of the giggles at the sight of beer flowing through the hose exposed in their sleeve.

Leslie, Gabe, and I followed the Santas out to a bridge, where two reindeer got married.

The Santas then gathered near the stadium and began singing and chanting. At this point, Leslie and I left, but Gabe joined them, as the sole banana. I received a text from Gabe as we were driving away, to say they were all chanting the banana SKU code, #4011.

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