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Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Day 89 `I want my experience` Character

I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to become spiteful towards myself and
this reality because I did not get the experience I wanted that I have allowed
myself to expect and hope for, but when it does not go through become spiteful
and angry and basically throw a tantrum for not getting what I want

I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to react emotionally for not getting
the experience that I want because all of the built up creation of myself in/as
the experience was denied and `shut down` within one moment in this becoming
spiteful and resistant to doing anything else from that moment on because I did
not get what I want

I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of the wanted experience
when I realize that I am not able to manifest that certain experience that I
was desiring and place myself here with myself in breath, directing myself within what is here and what must be done, stopping the want of the experience
to impede myself being here with myself in breath

I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that through creating
the want of the experience and the hope towards having the experience I am
setting myself up for disappointment because the appointment that I have set up
with myself within the mind is likely to not come true because of the fact that
it exists within the mind and not the physical reality, in this I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the want, desire,
hope, and expectation to experience a certain experience in the first place

I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to create a similar experience of myself of the experience that I was hoping and desiring to
manifest as myself when I become disappointed when the experience does not
manifest, in this causing myself to resist and create an anger towards anything
that I have to go through that is not similar to the experience that I wanted
to create, allowing myself to become spiteful towards myself and all that is
around me in attempts to create an energy/experience that is similar to the one
that I wanted through creating the resistance and in that possibly manifesting
the resistance and leaving that which I am participating in and go create the
experience that I was looking for in the first place

I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to take
responsibility for myself for creating myself as the disappointment through not
getting the experience that I wanted, hoped for, and desired, and in the taking
responsibility for myself to simply direct myself with what is here as me
within breathing

I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist what I am participating in
when I find myself disappointed because I was hoping for a certain experience
within the day or within what I am participating in, causing myself to become
emotionally unstable because that which I am creating as the experience within
what I am participating in is not equal to that which I have hoped for and
desired as a `good` experience, in this creating backchat and judgment towards
what I am doing, being, and the environment, and people around me, all because
I did not get what I wanted as the experience, in this not realizing that I
created the experience of the emotional frustration towards that which I am
participating in because of the accepted and allowed definitions and
expectations of the idea of what I will be or would be participating in

I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to create expectations and hopes for
the experience of that which I am going to or hoping to participate in,
creating myself as a certain specific character according to the definitions
and expectations that I was creating and projecting prior to actually
physically living the event, causing myself to live an illusion of expectation
and hopes of living and having that certain specific experience through placing
a definition and an idea upon what I am going to participate or hope to
participate in, not living in the physical reality of how the physical reality
in fact operates and functions but to live an illusion based on the definition
and hope and desire that I created of myself within the mind, allowing myself
to give value to the illusory experience instead of living here within breath

I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when and as I think
about the certain specific event that I am hoping to participate in, I am in
that moment, creating a specific character of myself in relation to that which
I am hoping to experience and if I do not get that experience I go into a
polarity of spitefulness and anger towards anything else that I will be
participating in because I did not get that which I desired as the experience
and character creation I was developing within the act of thinking about the
event and who I will be to get the most energy out of the event

I forgive myself
that I have accepted allowed myself to not breathe when I am within the
experience of disappointment within experience that I created and in this
breathing to stop all of the illusory experience that I created and to place
myself within the physical as breath and to do what is physically necessary for
me to do within that which I have to participate in such as a job and other
responsibilities, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed
myself to search for a specific experience of happiness or a `high energy`
experience instead of being practical in the first place through placing myself
here in the physical and directing myself here within the physical in breath

I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself experience the
disappointment, frustration and anger due to the missed appointment that I had
set up within the mind previously with thoughts, ideas, and expectations, in
this not realizing that I am creating both the experiences through the belief
of who I must be in relation to the expectation and the disappointment through
who I accepted and allowed myself to be within past memories of disappointment

I commit myself to
stopping the projection and expectation of any event that I may or may not
participate in and to in this commit myself to staying here within breath
whenever I make a plan to do something, stopping the planting of the seed of
expectation and hope, but to remain practical within the physical reality and
direct myself within the physical reality

I commit myself to
when and as I become emotionally unstable within the point of disappointment to
stop, breathe, and direct myself within what I must do within this physical
reality, and to stop the continuous want to experience the experience that I was
creating within hope and expectation, and to direct myself within the physical
reality

I commit myself to
removing all expectation of specific events through stopping the memories of
who I accepted and allowed myself to be in past similar events, in this to stay
here within breathing making sure that who I am is not a character but as life
in breath

I commit myself to
giving myself the patience and dedication to practice not allowing myself to be
a character but to live here as life within breathing