Let me just say: It is SO hard to pick just one of each. That's why having everyone collectively contribute will be so awesome. There is no right or wrong: Just laughing.

Oh, there's sports to talk about? Here we go...

Vick Update: Pleads "not guilty." Who else found his (lawyer's) statement to be less than empathetic... or convincing? (What was very convincing: The battling camps between those who came to protest Vick and those who came to support him.)

Donaghy Update: Blissfully uneventful. Could this mean that the story will recede as everyone turns their full attention to Vick and Bonds? (Meanwhile, it looks like the bookies are going to be charged. Apparently, Donaghy and the bookie went to the same high school.)

Today's Must-Read: Economist Justin Wolfers had a great NYT op-ed piece today on how to solve the NBA's gambling issue -- legalize win/loss bets and get rid of all side bets like point-spreads and over-unders. True Hoop has a great post, including an exclusive quote from Wolfers. Henry has legit worries about an increase in gambleholism, but that's where it's all going anyway. Why not save sports while you're at it? Legalization: It's Faaan-tastic!

Bonds Update: The biggest news is that a judge will rule today whether MLB giving the names of players implicated in the league's steroid scandal to the Mitchell Commission means that EVERYONE should get to see them. And I suspect the judge will rule just that way. MLB should have seen this coming when they appointed Mitchell and gave him the goodies.

Meanwhile, I love the Bonds-Costas "midget" feud. Can we all agree that while Costas might be widely considered the "conscience" of baseball, his TV show segment on Bonds was intentionally designed to be sensationalistic.

Here was Costas' witty repartee, which I'm quite sure took him all day to construct in order to maximize its pithiness: "As anyone can plainly see, I'm 5-6 1/2 and a strapping 150, and unlike some people, I came by all of it naturally." (Oh, if you INSIST on me typing it: Zing!)

MLB Hall of Fame: Ripken and Gwynn represent one of the great Hall classes of all time. No disputes to their worthiness. Both extremely good, popular guys.

I would rank Ripken as one of my two favorite players of all-time. His breakout season in 1983 dovetailed with my first real memories of baseball, and his long career tracked with my path of fanhood. Being able to go to a lot of Orioles games and see Ripken play was one of my great memories of my youth.

(I would, however, like for someone today or this weekend to bring up the legendary story about "The Night The Lights Went Out at Camden." According to the (incredibly dubious yet highly believable) urban legend, Ripken caught his wife with Kevin Costner, got in a fight and it got to the point that he couldn't play that night. Well, god forbid the Streak would end, so the lights of Camden Yards mysteriously malfunctioned, and the game had to be postponed. Ripken's streak lived on. Again: This is myth, but one of the great urban legends in baseball history. It wouldn't be a Ripken Hall of Fame induction weekend without it being re-told and celebrated.)

MLB Stud: Manny.

MLB Dud: Utley.

MLB Signing: Comeback Player of the Year Dmitri Young will apparently sign a two-year deal to stay with the Nats. Nice story for a team that could always use an extra one.

MLB Intrigue: Here's a weird one. If A-Rod hits a home run today against Baltimore in the resumption of their June 28 game, his home run would be credited to that June 28 game, making his HR No. 499 from two nights ago "officially" his HR No. 500.

Pat Tillman Update: The Pat Tillman story makes me so heart-sickeningly sad that it's hard for me to point out updates to it, because they all get worse and worse. The latest: It appears he was shot – by friendly fire – from no further than 10 yards away. The "10 yard" symbolism (in addition to the implications of a horrifying reality) only adds to the tragedy.

NFL Training Camp: Will Marc Bulger show up? Will Asante Samuels show up? Will high-profile draftees show up? The first days of training camp are always about the holdouts – and the rookie signees. (Here's one who will show up: Teen sensation Amobi Okoye, the first-rounder who signed with the Texans. Other notable rookie signings: Joe Thomas, Jamaal Anderson, Marshawn Lynch. Sounds like Ted Ginn is close. Hmm: How about Calvin Johnson... or Brady Quinn? Is Quinn still asking for Top 10 money as a 20-something pick?)

(You know what did show up, in my mailbox? Pro Football Prospectus 2007. I'm so excited about that. I'll let you know how it looks this year after I've gotten a chance to dive into it this weekend. I'm pretty sure it will earn its annual "must-have" status.)

More: Goodbye Simeon Rice, hello Gaines Adams.

College Football Media Daze: The SEC Media Day craziness isn't even over yet, and I think Steve Spurrier has beaten out Nick Saban and Urban Meyer as THE guy – mainly because Spurrier was talking up South Carolina as a legit SEC contender. EDSBS had the Gamecocks listed at No. 6 in his preseason Top 25. Don't know if that's his Spurrier-love or some special insight or just the boldness of taking a flier on the national breakout team of the year. Not sure I see it.

(OK, OK: Given that the SEC event was in Alabama, Nick Saban was by far the star attraction, as he probably should be this year. Anything less than 8-9 wins this year will be viewed as a disappointment... and I'm not sure that Tide fans won't be disappointed even then.)

College Football Media Daze: Pac-10. Yeah, it's USC and everyone else. (I know everyone says the Pac-10 is loaded this year, but let's truly get real. That's all relative.)

College Football Scheduling: Notre Dame and Oklahoma will play in 2012 and 2013. (Wait: Is this the replacement game for Michigan in those years? Hope not. Who is Michigan going to schedule? Texas is at the top of the wish list. Just don't play in the Rose Bowl, I guess.)

(Speaking of Michigan, it looks like YouTube high school All-American RB Sam McGuffie is going to make his commitment announcement on Sunday. He's down to Michigan and Texas A&M. It would be a huge coup for Michigan to get him – he'll bring athleticism and excitement not seen since Desmond Howard... but as an RB, perfect to step in and replace Mike Hart. I don't have the video handy, but just search McGuffie on YouTube for the play I know you know I'm talking about.)

USA Oops: Whether it's pros or college kids, Team USA remains mired in mediocrity. At the PanAm Games, USA lost to Uruguay in the first round. I know it's only college players, but still: It's another indication that not only has the rest of the world caught up, but in many cases, they are better. (USA's under-19 team didn't bring home gold either.)

Fantasy Football: Count me among those who think that the Fantasy Football Hall of Fame is probably one of the most fun, intriguing and Web-friendly (not to mention well-executed) features that ESPN.com has ever published. Kudos to Karabell and Co.

Gaming: I'm actually intrigued to check out the World Series of Video Games on Sunday on CBS. Given the mass volume of gamers out there, there's some possibility here that it could turn into an annual TV event to watch. Depends on the execution.

(Speaking of execution: I'm not usually a NASCAR-watcher, but I'll check in to ESPN's inaugural NASCAR coverage this weekend. Really looking forward to the new "air-flow" animation enhancements, actually. If nothing else, NASCAR has always presented – by far – the most exciting on-screen experience for viewers. Speaking of making video games come alive. That's exactly what NASCAR figured out how to do.)

RIP, Skip Prosser. Condolences to family, friends and fans of a terrific college basketball coach, at several levels. Before he got to WakeForest, he was part of that tremendous coaching legacy at Xavier. And, I didn't know this, but he once took a Loyola (MD) team that was 2-25 and got them to 17-13 the next season, including an NCAA Tournament bid.

Episode: Bart vs. Thanksgiving (halftime show with "Hooray for Everything")Homer at Bat (all the major league ringers episode)Mr. Plow (just because of the Mr. Plow commercial)quote: Homer - "You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."

I take the Tillman story very personally. No, I never met the man and I sure wasn't a Cardinal from being from Ill. Because I was in college during Desert Storm and found myself in a bar watching the scenes on TV. I wasn't doing well in college so I joined the Marine Corps (1991-1994).

I find the way the military handled what happened to be appalling. The Army had a chance to stand up and let the public know what happened and they didn't. Big deal so they are going to take rank and pay away from those who covered up the friendly fire incident. Their platoon should never have been split up to put the soldiers in this position (this is based on what I read). It's a damn shame that his family and friends had to be lied to by the U.S. Army.

Well, on to the Simpsons:1) Character: I like all the sports stars. The baseball episode was great. Tyson was actually funny too.2) Show: The first couple Halloween shows were pretty entertaining.3) Quote: Kent Brockman doing commentary on the St. Pats day parade (it was watched with some 15 to 20 friends): "St. Patricks Day, where everyone's a little bit Irish except the gays and Italians." [My friends got a good laugh out of that]

Favorite Quote -- "This ticket doesn't just give me a seat, it also gives me the right- no, the duty!- to make a complete ass of myself." -Homer J. Simpson

But, the quote I use most in casual conversation is "My cat's breath smells like catfood"

Dan -- GuysinCorners beat you to teh scoop yesterday on ARods' 499/ 500 HR controversy. Friends of mine are going to the game tonight, hoping to catch a HR, whatever you want to number it.

Also, for your love of all things bloggers, you should idolize Ted Leonsis (owner of several DC sports franchises). Ted is an avid blogger, who actually gives press passes to Caps/ Wizards/ and Mystics games to bloggers and gives them full access. In his blog this week, he identifies the fastest growing sport in America as video games and talks all about the national video game championships and such.

Episode:Homer's EnemyBurns: Could you explain your model, young man?Grimes: What's to explain? He's an idiot!Lenny: Pipe down!Homer: Well basically, I just copied the plant we have now.Burns: Hmmm.Homer: Then, I added some fins to lower wind resistance. And this racing stripe here I feel is pretty sharp.Burns: Agreed. First prize

Quote:Mark McGwire: Do you want to know the terrifying truth, or do you want to see me sock a few dingers?

Favorite Episode: "You Only Move Twice", but the one when Apu's mother comes to visit and Homer lives in the Retirement Castle (season 9) made me laugh the hardest.

Favorite Quote: impossible to pick one, but I've always loved, "We believe Burns still has that bill hidden somewhere in his house, but all we've picked up from satellite photos is that it's not on the roof."

Quote: Mr. Burns to children: Questions?(long pause)Skinner: Well, uh, I'm going take advantage of this rare opportunity even if you children aren't interested. Ah, which do you think is more important, hard work, or stick-to-ivetiveness?Burns: Are there any _real_ questions?

costas blows. he tries to sound like a traditionlist that takes the 'obviously correct but unpopular given the state of the game today' stance but he ends up sounding like an ignorant ass. if he'd stick to announcing he'd be fine. instead he does these sensasionlist pieces and he deserves a lot worse than barry gave him. not as bad as bryant gumbel but thats not saying much. seriously, costs sucks.

and im glad that usa lost another basketball tournament. i hate national teams and national competitions. who cares? pro leagues destroy national leagues. politics and nationalism dont belong in sports. the only thing the olympics are good for is giving attention to smaller sports. and gambling on amatuers. if i were an nba player i would not even consider playing for team usa. its stupid. maybe if it was an exhibition game or soemthing but screw real competitions where you could get hurt. the whole concept sucks and is for horrible poor countires that need national teams to feel betetr about their miserable third world existence.

To chime in on all things Simpsons (although I've admittedly been lax in my viewing habits since college ended...)

Episode: Either Hank Scorpio or the Halloween Episode where the Dolphins invade. That kills me everytime I see it.

Character: Anything voiced by Phil Hartman. Losing him was crushing for the show for quite awhile (not to mention for the fans)

Quote:Homer (in disguise, with fake voice, to postal worker): "Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a package for me?"Postal Worker: Ok, and what is your first name Mr. Burns?Homer: I don't know.

Song: Monorail or Canyonero. Either one puts a hop in my setp for the rest of the week.

Does anyone remember the name of the character that was supposed to be like Tyson, but wasn't Tyson? I want to say Dreadrick Tatum, but I'm not sure on that.

Anyway, favorite character is tough, but I'm gonna go with Ralph.

Favorite episode: I forget the name (sorry, I'm lame), but it was the one with the three TV shows made around the Simpsons characters, with the Chief Wiggum action show set in New Orleans, the Simpsons Variety Show (where they draft in the leggy teen girl as a replacement), and Grandpa Simpson becoming a love test machine and giving Moe dating advice.

Favorite quote: A stretch, but I love the Mr. Plow jingle. "Call Mr. Plow, that's the name/That name again is Mr. Plow." I sing it all winter long...

(Bart looks at Skinner)Skinner's Thoughts: "I know you can read my mind Bart. I know you skipped school yesterday, and as soon as I have proof, your ass is mine...that's right, I think words I would never say."

Homer is far and away my favorite character--second place entries include Dr Nick and Professor Farnsworth.

Favorite scene: Former producer Dana Gould was interviewed on the radio in Philly a few months ago, and was asked about his favorite moment that never made it on the show. His answer: during one episode (I forget which), the Simpsons are in a bookstore, where they run into Dr Nick, who is looking at a copy of "Our Bodies, Our Minds" and there's a picture of a woman giving birth. He asks, "Why does that lady have a baby coming out of her abortion hole?"

I was driving to work as he told this story, and almost drove off the road.

"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get."

--

Anyway,"Anything less than 8-9 wins this year will be viewed as a disappointment... and I'm not sure that Tide fans won't be disappointed even then."

We Tide fans may not be satisfied if we're not at least moving towards perfection, but we're not idiot, we know we have a promising QB, the best underclassmen LT in the SEC (maybe the country), a great young LB and an all-SEC CB but not much outside of that. We know we need a RB to step up and that we will be lucky to get to 9 wins, even with a favorable home schedule. But we will be closer with Saban that any other optin we had and It's getting old for people to set us up for a fall for just doing what everyone else would have done.

one of my favorite episodes is not sure what it is called but it is when Springfield has a Film Festival with Jon Lovits in it. And Homer is a judge and he loves the movie "Man getting hit by a football"

CM -- sorry, I gave the credit to the wrong source. Great job scooping Dan though.

Dubs -- you're a moron. It is very unfortunate that Utley got hurt, but he got hit with a tight fastball on an 0-2 pitch. Rookies don't throw at star players, especially with an 0-2 count. It might, possibly, be conceivable that he threw at Howard, but even the Philly sportscasters who called the game didn't think either pitch was intentional. But, typical Philly fans, they hate everything. Since Lannon and Santa Clause will never be there at the same time, you can boo each of them individually.

* Bobby Orr played in 37 games after age 27* Gayle Sayers played in 4 games after age 26* Bo Jackson didn’t play after 28* Sandy Koufax retired at 30* Mark Fidrych started 16 games after age 22* Terrell Davis didn’t carry a ball after age 29

"ESPN's inaugural NASCAR coverage". Umm, NASCAR was on ESPN before it signed its deal with FOX/NBC and many long-time NASCAR fans were upset by that move since they enjoyed ESPN's coverage and saw it as part of the reason for the sport's growth.

Of course, the network that covered those races was closer to the "Little Engine That Could" ESPN than the current "We Will Beat You Over The Head With This" ESPN.

Character: "The Jerk" They guy from this scene in "When Flanders Failed", along with some others.

Ned: I think word of mouth is starting to spread. Man: Hey, I hear you validate parking tickets without purchase. Ned: Oh, right as rain! Or, as we say around here, `left as rain', heh heh. Man: Just stamp the ticket. Ned: Oh, okay.

Episode: Lisa on Ice

Quote: Gloria: Johnny-boy hasn't been able to "cut it", man-wise for some time, not that I'd want his stench of Gin and sour defeat pressed against me.John: That's enough Gloria!Reverend Lovejoy: John, why don't you tell us a little about Gloria?John: She doesn't cook, she never keeps a clean house, she smokes, and she drinks, and she talks profanely! SHE'S QUEEN OF THE HARPIES!Gloria: No I'm not!John: QUEEN OF THE HARPIES!Gloria: No, I'm not!John: HERE'S YOUR CROWN, YOUR MAJESTY, HERE'S YOUR CROWN!

Homer about his Ayatollah Assahola shirt: "That works for any Ayatollah! Ayatollah Nakhbadeh, Ayatollah Zahedi... Even as we speak, Ayatollah Razmara and his cadre of fanatics are consolidating their power!"

Character: Troy McLureEpisode: I don't know the title (sorry, don't hit me!) but the one where they open the casino in Springfield and Marge becomes a gambling addictLine: "I'm cold and there are wolves out here"

CAN WE PLEASE JUST STICK TO SPORTS? If you want to talk other trivial matters, like the over-under of Paris Hilton getting arrested again, go to another blog site. It's not like there's nothing relevant to talk about, what with all that is happening in sports this week, good and bad.

Yes, ND-OU replaces the Michigan game temporarily. They're in discussions on when to start it back up. Michigan's looking for a major conference foe to replace ND. Yes, Texas would be nice as would one of the SEC powerhouses.

Just so many good ones, but some that have not been mentioned yet and must be shared

Quotes:

Superintendent Chalmers: (Discussing Lisa Simpson as student body president after Willie's statement): "I don’t mean to interrupt your advice from the Janitor , but I say cut off the head and the body will die."

jims if you have something you would like to discuss throw it out there but for you today good luck getting a lot of sports talk out of us. We will return to our regularly scheduled commenting about sports on monday

"Mr Simpson, disparaging the boot is a bootable offense!" From Bart vs. Australia. That episode also had the Australian dad yelling, "NINE HUNDRED DOLLARYDOOS!?!" as he looked at the phone bill. Cracks me up.

Sherry Bobbins: "It's good to see you, Willy."Willy: "Awk, that's not what you said last time you saw me. You got your sight back, and suddenly the ugliest man in Glasgow was no' good enough for you."

Favorite Character: GilYou gotta feel bad for the guy who can never catch a break. Great scence where he is trying to sell the school computers and then mentions they'll rust quickly. "Just close the deal Gil" (Also where SuperNinteno Chalmers comes in from Ralph)

Favorite Episode: Hank Scorpio by far.

Favorite Quote: More of a sequence of quotes but where Moe is on the lie detector after someone shoots Mr. Burns...

Homer: Here are your messages: You have 30 minutes to move your car, you have 10 minutes to move your car, your car has been inpounded, your car has been crushed into a cube, you have 30 minutes to move your cube.(Phone rings)Homer: Hello?Mr Burns: Is it about my cube?

Adding to the alltime post count record. Seems like perhaps you should do television-themed posts everyday....Now, i can only imagine your post total will be higher if the Cats sign one of the top 3 QBs of 2008 - Andy Luck - who, according to Rivals.com is expected to make his announcement this weekend and it appears as though Stanford and your alma mater are running neck and neck. Exxxxxxxxxxcelent.

quote...from Troy McClure (in Lisa Goes Vegetarian episode i think): "But don't let the name fool you, it's not really a floor at all- it's more a series of grates that allow loose meat to fall through"

Ok, I can't help myself now. Two great quotes from $pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling):

Mr. Burns: (holding a miniature plane) We'll take the Spruce Goose. Hop in.Smithers: But sure I…(Burns pulls out a gun)Mr. Burns: I said hop in.

and

[Homer is a Blackjack dealer]Ernst Stavro Blofeld: Twenty. Your move, Mr. Bond.James Bond : I'll take a hit, dealer.[Homer deals Bond a card]James Bond : Joker? You're supposed to take these out of the deck.Homer : Oh, sorry, I'll give you another one.[Homer deals Bond another card]James Bond : What's this? "Rules for Draw and Stud Poker"?Ernst Stavro Blofeld: What a pity, Mr. Bond...[Oddjob and Jaws advance on Bond and grab him]James Bond : But... but wait. It was Homer's fault. I can't lose. I never lose.[Oddjob and Jaws drag Bond out of the casino]James Bond : At least tell me your plans for world domination.Ernst Stavro Blofeld: Oh ho ho, I'm not falling for THAT one again.

RIP Skip Prosser. As an undergrad at Xavier 96-2000, I got a nice taste of the Skip Prosser era. The man was a pleasure to watch during the game, but an amazing guy off the court. I can't say enough about him.

My favorite Skip moment came my junior year. I was a bit of a gym rat, and Skip (and some of his coaches) would occasionally come down to the O'Connor Sports Center and get in the pick up games. Well, I made the mistake of guarding Skip for two games...and he used and abused me. The best was after I had made a decent stop on 2 consecutive drives, I'm sagging off and he nails a three in my eye, then gives me a little wink. Afterward he told me I needed to work a bit on my footwork, but he thought I had a nice shot. I was on cloud nine for a month.

Scene: (somehow deleted from the original!) Snake is trying to murder Homer for buying his car, so strings wire across two trees hoping to decapatate Homer. Milhouse's dad angrilly raises his arm going "I told those idiots to cut my sandwich!" and then his arm gets cut off.

I think he'd be a HOFer. His batting average is nearly .320. There is only one player who's hit for a higher average with more than 5,000 ABs since the turn of the century (1900s) who hasn't made the HOF.

Plus I think the best comparison to Jeter would be someone like Kirby Puckett, loved in the hometown (at time of retirement), great average hitter, average pop.

Kirby has slighty more HRs, Kirby has same average, Jeter has more speed, bothe played tough fielding positions, both had multiple WS titles that many felt they were a major part of.

If you allow Puckett in, then Jeter is in also. Especially if you consider that the only way Jeter would stop right now is if he got hurt.

Of course, if we find out Jeter is mixed up with the steroids stuff, then he's done too (no accusations, just a point)

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DanShanoff.com is a sports-blog spin-off of my long-time ESPN.com column, "The Daily Quickie." Anchored by an early-morning post of must-know topics, the blog is updated frequently throughout the day with new posts and user comments.