Meet Ashley*. She’s "tall, sweet, smart, caring and non-judgmental”, lives in Sydney and is 24-years-old. She’s also in the market for a new car and breast implants – and is not alone in going to some lengths to get them.

The ‘sugar baby’ joined Seeking Arrangement 6 months ago after hearing that a friend was having her rent paid by an older man. Nervous to sign up to the "Number One Sugar Daddy Dating Site" at first, the ex-retail manager was also pragmatic. "I wanted a car and breast implants," she says.

She is one of a growing number of girls who hook their hopes on meeting an older man who will take care of them in a "mutually beneficial relationship." But, what it considered "mutually beneficial" by many is not exactly what romantic dreams are made of.

For $300 a pop, Ashley provides "favours" for the men she meets - aged up to their mid-70s.

Advertisement

"You'd expect the guys to be businessmen - clean-cut professionals," she says. "But, they're not. They're overweight, slobby, fat men and a lot older [than I expected]. I've been on a few sites - they're all the same and all just after the same thing. They all say 'my wife doesn't give me affection.' They're not desirable, so I act like I'm interested in them."

Despite her feigned interest she has not yet found anyone who will "invest" in her chest. But, she did get a car out of one "arrangement". It was only second hand, but given she couldn't afford a car, let alone the registration, "it was a dream come true."

Ashley is open about her pursuit of material gain - but she was also open to finding something more. "I fell for one guy," she says. "He ended up in jail - that paints a picture of the sort of guys [on there]."

"I've been on worse dates [outside the site], ended up paying for the whole thing and woken up with only a hangover [to show for it]. It's better to wake up with a hangover and some money," she says. Plus "some of the guys want more of a girlfriend experience. I make it interesting. It's not just getting into bed."

As resigned and hardened as she may seem, the young woman is not impervious to the emotional impact of the ‘arrangements’. "I was so shocked," she says, her voice shaking. "I had a sheltered childhood and thought I'd be getting married. I'm anti-relationships after what I've discovered. I've pretty much lost all hope in having a marriage."

And the more experiences she has of this sort, the more her fears are affirmed. With roughly 40 per cent of subscribers to Seeking Arrangement married men, her fears aren't unfounded.

It's not quite the vision CEO and so-called 'e-pimp', Brandon Wade had in mind when he started the company in the US in 2006.

A shy software engineer who didn't have his first kiss until he was 21, Wade says he was never the type to go to a nightclub to pick up. So, in response to his own dating struggles and in search of love, he started the social site, which now has an annual turnover of over $10 million.

"My mother said if you study hard and are successful, you can use generosity as a way to turn the dating game around for you," the affable 42-year-old explains.

He has since started the site in Canada and, earlier this year, in the UK and Australia. In Australia alone, it has up to 100,000 users and roughly one sugar daddy to every eight sugar babes, Wade says.

While Wade, who married his 26-year-old employee, Tanya, earlier this year, questions why married men might use his site, he asks, "who am I to make moral judgements?" Besides, he points out, "the truth is they're on regular dating websites too."

Aside from questions about married men, Wade is well versed in answering other questions of moral judgement, such as whether the site simply facilitates prostitution.

"It's a pragmatic way of dating," he says. "There is a negative association with the sugar daddy stereotype. But, if you ask [a woman] are you willing to date a guy who is successful and willing to pamper you the answer is usually 'yes, why not?'"

As well as this, the "arrangements tend to be much longer-term," he says. "Escorts have no choice as to who their client is and [on Seeking Arrangement] there has to be chemistry involved."

Ashley agrees that she has choice about who she sees. In fact, that independence is part of the appeal. "I would do it with an escort agency, but you have to be involved with a third party, you're under management," she says.

Wade is adamant that her experience is not typical of the site and that people get back what they seek. "If her goal is to go into it and get a quick buck - she'll find that kind of guy."

For his part, he still believes in love and is unfazed about money changing hands.

"People have different languages of love and giving is an important component of any relationship," he says. "The man is willing to pamper and spoil [the sugar baby] within the context of the relationship.

"Dating in our society today is a very superficial thing... It used to be about whether you were a good hunter, now it's how big of a wallet you have. Love comes later - after getting to know them and having a deeper knowledge about them."

But, a survey of 1000 of Seeking Arrangement's male subscribers found 55 per cent of the polled men joined because they were interested in having sex.

It looks like love - for most - may come a lot later.

"I'm not going to sugar-coat it," he says. "A survey like this gives us a good idea of who our customers are and what's important to them."

Not that the results may surprise Ashley, of course.

Promiscuous cities

To gain insight into their users sexual habits, Seeking Arrangement recently conducted a survey of 1000 male subscribers from around Australia. The respondents were aged between 32 and 59, all earning (according to them) over $250,000 a year.

Perth topped the list of promiscuity with 79 per cent of respondents having seven or more partners annually. Melbourne came a close second at 76 per cent, followed by Sydney at 74 per cent.

You'd be forgiven for not guessing the city with the lowest rate of promiscuity among wealthy men. Based on all the figurative and literal political bed hopping, it seems unlikely, but 84 per cent of the Canberra contingent claim to have less than three sexual partners per year. This is followed by Adelaide at 81 per cent and Hobart at 79 per cent.

*Not her real name.

181 comments

Old men paying $300 for "favours" doesnt sound like anything new...this artcile basically sounds like a description onf the worlds oldest profession

Commenter

tim

Location

sydney

Date and time

November 14, 2012, 7:51AM

As a member of the oldest's profession, I'm on the same rates (out call extra). And I only give them a strict one hour for that. No emailing / texting / flirting in between. No pretence of a relationship. Sure it's a very affectionate "GFE", but again, one hour. This girl would be better to align herself with a reputable agency or take the leap and go private.

Commenter

Ms A

Location

The Office

Date and time

November 14, 2012, 8:40AM

Except that the women doing this are pretending to be something other than prostitutes, who are at least honest about their work.

Commenter

Lynne

Location

Melbourne

Date and time

November 14, 2012, 9:35AM

Yeah it seems that she is severely undercharging. If you are going to do it, do it right.

Commenter

Mynx

Date and time

November 14, 2012, 10:54AM

Ms A.My sentiments exactly when i read this article.better to align yourself with a good agency.

Commenter

Ms K

Location

Sydney

Date and time

November 14, 2012, 12:57PM

She's already running her operation solo, so moving to a third party (agency) making decisions wasn’t preferable she noted. If she can do what she's doing now, she can certainly escort independently.

Same ad, fresh phone for the puropse, new working name, different website to host your "profile", rates the same but per hourly increment (a dinner date with sex a dessert with an escort? Hello $1k+!), she'd be raking it in. Join the independent sex workers support networks for safety tips and an Ugly Mug list. Talk to your local SWOP (Sex Worker Outreach Programme) liaison officer. Partner with other workers to keep herself safe.

And trust me, as that type of operator (a genuine sex worker charging heftily for your time) you really do see 80% clean cut professionals (the other are 10% tradies, 10% slobs). Escorting (prostitution, whoring, hooking, sex work, call it what you like) is transactional sex, and that attracts businessmen.

And for others that commented, it's legal. Only issues arise with paying taxes (most independents do, why not claim back expenses and keep yourself free of the fear of being outed to the ATO?) and incall work (brothel permit required by council, so hosting is against local council regulations but not illegal as such, you can be asked to desist). Sounds like she's outcalling only anyways so that's hardly an issue.

Just my two cents being there and doing that.

Commenter

Ms A

Location

The Office

Date and time

November 14, 2012, 1:31PM

I hope she gets sees a better way to get her true goals. With the birth rate collapsing we need every child and every family, every father, every mother we can get.

The young woman in the article might do better to contact her local Community Health Centre, work on her self-esteem (a man who is only interested in the size of her boobs isn't worth knowing anyway), and find more self-affirming ways to make money.

Commenter

Aud

Date and time

November 15, 2012, 7:59AM

@ Ms A,No no no, please don't tell her that. Sex needs to be kept cheep so all of us normal men on normal salaries can still get some.