Women and the Workplace

Women are blessed with the special talents to create positive environments wherever we are and with whatever we are doing.

"I am about to re-enter the workforce, and I am concerned about how this new point of emphasis in my life will affect my family and my self-definition as a woman. Are there any guidelines you can offer? What are some practical suggestions and tips I can take with me?"

Indeed, more women are entering the workplace than ever before, citing economic, psychological and other reasons. As more women find themselves in the public arena, it is important to remain keenly aware that inwardness, privacy, and family relationships must dominate our personal domain, and are the characteristics that make up the core of our existence.

Although the "woman of valor," as depicted by King Solomon, buys and sells fields and handles merchant ships from afar, the overriding focus of her existence is her relationships with her husband, children and family.

Financial and political setbacks paled when compared to failures in her familial relationships.

Ann Richards, former Governor of Texas, reconfirmed this notion in an interview during which she indicated that, in her own very public life, financial and political setbacks paled when compared to failures in her familial relationships. She discovered that it was her private life, not the public one, which was the core of her feminine reality.

This is true for any working mother, who must struggle constantly to keep priorities in order.

Take Susan, for example, an asset manager for a multi-national corporation, busy at her computer negotiating stock deals. Every few minutes her eyes dart to the large bay window opposite her through which she can see her toddler swinging happily in the backyard playground. Susan is watching her child while she is conducting business. Her emphasis is on the child -- he is her priority.

It's a bit easier to remain focused on what's important to our feminine reality when we stay within the home environment.

THE ESSENTIAL SPIRITUAL CONNECTION

The patriarch, Jacob, was the first to blaze a trail for us in our journey to the working world. He left the spiritually supportive context, built by his grandfather and father, Abraham and Isaac, on a journey that led him to Laban, his future father-in-law. All at once, his world was filled with deceit and treachery, the antithesis of what had nurtured him in the "tents" of his childhood. It is undeniably the 14 years he spent in the study halls of "Shem and Ever," which fortified him enough to withstand the odious temptations presented in his new environment.

When we go out into the workplace, we too must be bolstered by spiritual immersion. Toward this end, we need to surround ourselves with like-minded friends and associates. We need to take advantage of any workday breaks by filling them with as much Jewish learning experiences as possible.

When we go out into the workplace, we too must be bolstered by spiritual immersion.

To maintain our integrity in the workplace, we must present ourselves as a counter message to the unending bombardment of Madison Avenue hype and promotion which dictates the American lifestyle.

One who abides by kosher dietary standards, for example, as difficult as that might be in the workplace, proclaims loud and clear that she marches to the beat of a transcendent drummer. The way we dress, our choice of verbal expressions are both reminders to ourselves and statements to others of exactly who we are.

Some years back, my husband and I conducted a Jewish retreat weekend in Oxnard, California at a lovely resort hotel on the marina. Passing the pool area on our way back from one of the sessions, one of the guests -- looking like Mr. Cool with a towel swung over his shoulder and gold chains gleaming in the sun -- encountered my husband, who despite the warm California weather was dressed in the traditional Chassidic garb. "Why do you insist on dressing in those clothes of yesteryear in this modern world," snickered Mr. Cool in an obviously confrontational manner.

Rather than acting nonplussed, my husband took the opportunity to explain that policeman wear a uniform in order to identify themselves as figures of authority. In much the same way, a rabbi wears a uniform so that he is identified as a representative with a sacred calling. More importantly, my husband asserted, his dress was most certainly a statement to himself and to the world that he was not buying into the pathological fabric of our society.

MAINTAINING FEMININE QUALITIES

Perils of the workplace abound for women eager to be successful while still maintaining their singular feminine qualities.

When Charlotte began her career 15 years ago, she believed she could use her feminine characteristics of kindness, caring sensitivity and gentleness to help her succeed in the male-dominated workplace. Instead, little by little, her essential feminine qualities were replaced with callousness, opportunism and ruthlessness -- the signposts of corporate male America. True, she was one of the most successful woman executives in the game, but she was feared and hated by everyone who worked for her -- female and male alike. She wondered now how it had happened, how she had lost her feminine essence, how her dream had shattered.

Jewish women, whether entering or firmly entrenched in the workplace, must be ever diligent to uphold the wisdom of Torah guidelines circumscribing relationships between the genders.

We read constantly of public figures engaged in adulterous affairs and sexual harassment.

From local to national news, we read constantly of public figures engaged in adulterous affairs and sexual harassment. It is essential to put safeguards in place, especially in our open society where men and women work so closely together. There are indeed times and circumstances in each of our lives that make us particularly vulnerable. Jewish law offers strict guidelines for precautionary measures so that women and men can avoid compromising situations.

STAYING FOCUSED

After 20 years of working for the deceitful and dishonest Laban, Jacob gathers his family to head back home. "Behold I see the face of your father Laban and it doesn't look to me as it did yesterday and the day before," Jacob explains as the reason for his leaving. Literally, we understand this to mean that Laban wasn't as kindly disposed as he had been in the past. My father, of blessed memory, had a deeper explanation of the passage:

Up until recently, Jacob had seen Laban for what he really was, a scoundrel garbed in a presentable demeanor. Jacob knew it was time to leave because he stopped seeing through Laban. All at once, Laban wasn't looking as despicable as he had in the past. Jacob had become desensitized, and he recognized that meant it was too dangerous for him and his family to remain.

When we find ourselves justifying what heretofore was unacceptable, it is indicative of an erosion of values and sensitivities. It is time for us to run our life's scenarios past an expert, to reassess and to reevaluate. It is time for us to find a mentor and take a "spiritual checkup."

Women are blessed with the special talents to create positive environments wherever we are and with whatever we are doing. We can accomplish this by incorporating the above mentioned lessons:

being ever mindful of our primary purpose as women;

fortifying ourselves with the necessary values for our journey into a valueless world;

not compromising our standards of behavior;

maintaining our unique feminine characteristics described by anthropologist, Ashley Montague, as the "genius of humanity";

taking Torah-mandated precautionary measures in dealing with the occupational hazards of inter-gender relationships;

cultivating a relationship with a spiritual guide, mentor who will help us subject ourselves to periodic "spiritual checkups" to verify we are accomplishing the goals of our personal life's mission statement.

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About the Author

Rebbetzin Feige Twerski of Milwaukee, Wisconsin has devoted her life to Jewish education and Outreach, giving lectures worldwide on a myriad of Judaic subjects. She is a mother of 11 children, and many grandchildren whose number she refuses to divulge. She serves as the Rebbetzin along side her husband, Rabbi Michel Twerski, of Congregation Beth Jehudah of Milwaukee.

Visitor Comments: 7

(7)
Anonymous,
March 15, 2002 12:00 AM

Wow!

I am so glad that there is a female writer out there who tells it like it is! I have always been one to speak out, and say what I'm thinking, but that's only in school and I'm not that well accepted. As a matter of fact, I'm quite discoraged. Thank you so much for restoring my faith in the power of woman!

(6)
Anonymous,
January 17, 2002 12:00 AM

Ummm...just thinking

You have mentioned this: Although the "woman of valor," as depicted by King Solomon, buys and sells fields and handles merchant ships from afar, the overriding focus of her existence is her relationships with her husband, children and family.

Well, for me, a male, it is the same way too. Although I work, my overriding focus is to love and care for my beloved. I don't believe a male should be ruthless, or show callousness, opportunism to some extent. No one should; just as long as it is for the benefit of your fellow man. Love should be the goal and good faith.

(5)
Carol Foster,
May 10, 2001 12:00 AM

Working mother

I would much rather be at home caring for my boys than at work.I work because we just bought a brand new house.Money is tight for us.When I am at home, I always think about coming home someday and not just caring for my boys, but also being a wife for my husband.I think working is not for every women, but to those who would rather stay home, is much more important. I dont love my job more than my family.Most women would rather work, but some marriages do fall apart because husband and wife dont see eachother, they just pass by eachother.When that opportunity does come, I most definately will take that road to being at home once again.Reading your article is great and all, and I dont see nothing wrong with a women wanting to stay at home. Keep up the good work!!!

(4)
Celine Greene,
February 5, 2001 12:00 AM

a very valuable lesson

I thought the WomenIn the workplace arcticle was very poingnant.I think we can bring alot of positive influence to the work environment while not trying to be "just one of the boys".I think when we carry ourselves in a respectful and dignified manner,it returns to us in kind.Another point of the arcticle,about setting priorities as far as our families and children go was valid as well.I like a quote I heard from Jackie Kennedy Onasis:"If one fails in their responsibilities in raising their children properly,nothing else matters".

(3)
Anonymous,
February 1, 2001 12:00 AM

A Bit Selective

Judaism presents many models of Jewish womanhood. The Rebitsen chooses to focus on one. Ineed, the model of the woman of valor in the market place was true for many of our female ancestors in Eastern Europe, while our male ancestors were in the halls of study. While we all must followed the rules of ethics and proper conduct, each of us is left to make his or her own choices in these matters. Fortunately, as Jews, our tradtion gives us many models.

(2)
Anonymous,
January 30, 2001 12:00 AM

It is difficult ...I'm doing my best

I work because I need to. But my heart is at home. When I'm weak I go to this web site and refresh my mind with HaShem's words... and try to keep my thoughts focused on Him. It is hard to work, be a jew, and a mother. Thanks for your articles that strengthen those like me.... May HaShem give you more wisdom!

(1)
Nathan Jurist,
January 28, 2001 12:00 AM

Not STRONG ENOUGH emphasis on true role of Womanhood!

Very nice article describing what we all encounter in todays society...but not enough emphasis of the TRUE purpose of womanhood. Unfortunately, too many women insist upon competing whith their male counterparts. Of course some do this becausse of fianancial need. However I find that too many are more concerned with "finding themselves" than they are with the irreplaceable importance of household and family. Yes in that order. Household happiness would certainly lead to less divorces and and a better envireonment to raise children and thus a happier family life.

I'm told that it's a mitzvah to become intoxicated on Purim. This puzzles me, because to my understanding, it is not considered a good thing to become intoxicated, period.

One of the characteristics of the at-risk youth is their use of drugs, including alcohol. In my experience, getting drunk doesn't reveal secrets. It makes people act stupid and irresponsible, doing things they would never do if they were sober. Also, I know a lot about the horrible health effects of abusing alcohol, because I work at a research center that focuses on addiction and substance abuse.

Also, I am an alcoholic, which means that if I drink, very bad things happen. I have not had a drink in 22 years, and I have no intention of starting now. Surely there must be instances where a person is excused from the obligation to drink. I don't see how Judaism could ever promote the idea of getting drunk. It just doesn't seem right.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Putting aside for a moment all the spiritual and philosophical reasons for getting drunk on Purim, this remains an issue of common sense. Of course, teenagers should be warned of the dangers of acute alcohol ingestion. Of course, nobody should drink and drive. Of course, nobody should become so drunk to the point of negligence in performing mitzvot. And of course, a recovering alcoholic should not partake of alcohol on Purim.

Indeed, the Code of Jewish Law explicitly says that if one suspects the drinking may affect him negatively, then he should NOT drink.

Getting drunk on Purim is actually one of the most difficult mitzvot to do correctly. A person should only drink if it will lead to positive spiritual results - e.g. under the loosening affect of the alcohol, greater awareness will surface of the love for God and Torah found deep in the heart. (Perhaps if we were on a higher spiritual level, we wouldn't need to get drunk!)

Yet the Talmud still speaks of an obligation on Purim of "not knowing the difference between Blessed is Mordechai and Cursed is Haman." How then should a person who doesn't drink get the point of “not knowing”? Simple - just go to sleep! (Rama - OC 695:2)

All this applies to individuals. But the question remains - does drinking on Purim adversely affect the collective social health of the Jewish community?

The aversion to alcoholism is engrained into Jewish consciousness from a number of Biblical and Talmudic sources. There are the rebuking words of prophets - Isaiah 28:1, Hosea 3:1 with Rashi, and Amos 6:6, and the Zohar says that "The wicked stray after wine" (Midrash Ne'alam Parshat Vayera).

It is well known that the rate of alcoholism among Jews has historically been very low. Numerous medical, psychological and sociological studies have confirmed this. The connection between Judaism and sobriety is so evident, that the following conversation is reported by Lawrence Kelemen in "Permission to Receive":

When Dr. Mark Keller, editor of the Quarterly Journal of Studies on Alcohol, commented that "practically all Jews do drink, and yet all the world knows that Jews hardly ever become alcoholics," his colleague, Dr. Howard Haggard, director of Yale's Laboratory of Applied Physiology, jokingly proposed converting alcoholics to the Jewish religion in order to immerse them in a culture with healthy attitudes toward drinking!

Perhaps we could suggest that it is precisely because of the use of alcohol in traditional ceremonies (Kiddush, Bris, Purim, etc.), that Jews experience such low rates of alcoholism. This ceremonial usage may actually act like an inoculation - i.e. injecting a safe amount that keeps the disease away.

Of course, as we said earlier, all this needs to be monitored with good common sense. Yet in my personal experience - having been in the company of Torah scholars who were totally drunk on Purim - they acted with extreme gentleness and joy. Amid the Jewish songs and beautiful words of Torah, every year the event is, for me, very special.

Adar 12 marks the dedication of Herod's renovations on the second Holy Temple in Jerusalem in 11 BCE. Herod was king of Judea in the first century BCE who constructed grand projects like the fortresses at Masada and Herodium, the city of Caesarea, and fortifications around the old city of Jerusalem. The most ambitious of Herod's projects was the re-building of the Temple, which was in disrepair after standing over 300 years. Herod's renovations included a huge man-made platform that remains today the largest man-made platform in the world. It took 10,000 men 10 years just to build the retaining walls around the Temple Mount; the Western Wall that we know today is part of that retaining wall. The Temple itself was a phenomenal site, covered in gold and marble. As the Talmud says, "He who has not seen Herod's building, has never in his life seen a truly grand building."

Some people gauge the value of themselves by what they own. But in reality, the entire concept of ownership of possessions is based on an illusion. When you obtain a material object, it does not become part of you. Ownership is merely your right to use specific objects whenever you wish.

How unfortunate is the person who has an ambition to cleave to something impossible to cleave to! Such a person will not obtain what he desires and will experience suffering.

Fortunate is the person whose ambition it is to acquire personal growth that is independent of external factors. Such a person will lead a happy and rewarding life.

With exercising patience you could have saved yourself 400 zuzim (Berachos 20a).

This Talmudic proverb arose from a case where someone was fined 400 zuzim because he acted in undue haste and insulted some one.

I was once pulling into a parking lot. Since I was a bit late for an important appointment, I was terribly annoyed that the lead car in the procession was creeping at a snail's pace. The driver immediately in front of me was showing his impatience by sounding his horn. In my aggravation, I wanted to join him, but I saw no real purpose in adding to the cacophony.

When the lead driver finally pulled into a parking space, I saw a wheelchair symbol on his rear license plate. He was handicapped and was obviously in need of the nearest parking space. I felt bad that I had harbored such hostile feelings about him, but was gratified that I had not sounded my horn, because then I would really have felt guilty for my lack of consideration.

This incident has helped me to delay my reactions to other frustrating situations until I have more time to evaluate all the circumstances. My motives do not stem from lofty principles, but from my desire to avoid having to feel guilt and remorse for having been foolish or inconsiderate.

Today I shall...

try to withhold impulsive reaction, bearing in mind that a hasty act performed without full knowledge of all the circumstances may cause me much distress.

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