Many will jump on Julia Banks’ scathing assessment of behaviour inside the Liberal party as further proof of the shambolic antics of the government last week. This is true, the knifing of Malcolm Turnbull was brutal, and out-of-touch with everyday Australians who just want their politicians to get on with governing the country, without the power games and egomaniacs causing havoc. No one is buying the happy family routine from Scott Morrison and his new frontbench.

But to assume that the member for Chisholm’s takedown of the Canberra boys club is only relevant to the Liberal party is wrong. Politics in Australia has a women’s problem and it’s gotten worse. As the level of hyper-partisanship has grown, so too has the level of ugliness in politics. Bullying and intimidation have all but normalised, and women continue to cop the brunt of it.

In July, when I broke my silence about the sexist taunts and innuendo used by some of my political opponents to intimidate and shut me down, I did so knowing that the risk of naming this behaviour makes me a target of ridicule, further rumour and intimidation. It is this fear that of itself is aimed at bullying and silencing. That’s why it works and why it is used.

It is not OK in the workplace, it’s not OK in our homes and our parliament should set a better example

To simply dismiss complaints of bad behaviour as part of the “rough and tumble” of being in politics reinforces the barriers to women speaking up. Those who experience bullying and intimidation are in a no-win situation. We either have to try to ignore it, pretending to ourselves and everyone else it isn’t happening, or accept the fear that raising any problems will quickly have you branded as a “snowflake” and “not up to the job”.

Julia Banks knew this. Like many other women who have come before her, she knew that calling out the bullies would create a howl of detractors claiming she was “playing the victim”. In her statement on Tuesday she wrote: “In anticipating my critics saying I’m ‘playing the gender card’ — I say this. Women have suffered in silence for too long.”

She is right, we have. And it is time it stopped. It doesn’t matter what side the chamber we come from, this isn’t about party politics. It is about decency and respect, not just to each other as MPs but respect too for the people who elected us. No woman, or man, deserves to show up to work and be harassed, bullied or intimidated. It is not OK in the workplace, it’s not OK in our homes and our parliament should set a better example.

After news broke that the first-term MP was quitting at the next election, a fellow Liberal, Craig Kelly, came out swinging, on cue, saying it was “wrong” for Banks to quit and she should “roll with the punches”.

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Seriously? Since when is a decision of a woman, or a man, to remove themselves from a situation where they feel bullied and unsafe wrong? Banks has every right to make that decision, and every right to tell her community why. To suggest to a woman feeling bullied she should just stay put and cop the punches is nothing short of gobsmackingly outrageous. But not surprising. To say this response from Kelly was insensitive downplays the thuggish behaviour of some men in our parliament. And it is time they were called out and held accountable.

Banks is bowing out, understandably. I don’t care that she’s a Liberal or a member of the government; some things are bigger than party politics. It is heartbreaking to see another woman quit in the face of a culture that so many of us know needs to change. First, we must break the silence, and both women and decent men must call out unacceptable behaviour. We must not be afraid to name those who behave badly. Ultimately all side of politics need to elect, welcome and promote more women in their ranks. When there are more women around the chamber, cultural change will happen. After 10 years in parliament I know first-hand that the people who elected us to represent them are served better when there are more women in parliament, not less.

• Sarah Hanson-Young is the Australian Greens’ senator for South Australia

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