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Tuesday, 19 January 2016

The ID tags I had to wear so they knew what did not agree with me and that theydidn't mistake me for someone else!

The clinical nurse performing the endoscopy recommended entonox for pain relief as there was one part deemed particularly painful and she was right! I have given birth four times with no analgesia but the pain was very similar to the pain over a week ago, so not only was I " off my head" on entonox I started to lose consciousness again. At one point I thought I was back in my bedroom with Dave on that fateful Sunday morning!The good news is that everything looked normal but to make sure they have sent in a sample for testing. The staff were wonderful especially since I spent the rest of my time in recovery crying!! A common side effect of the Entonox, good job I didn't use it in labour then :-)I have managed to eat a small amount and have been drinking plenty. God is good, I have been upheld in prayer and I was able to offer an arrow prayer for a lady who was terrified of her procedure. Remember the story about the love of God spanning an ocean? Well Em rang this afternoon to check how I was and didn't even know that it was my day for the procedure, in the chaos of the past week I had forgotten to tell her :-)I know He holds me in the palm of His hand, what an amazing Father!Love to you all, San xx

Friday, 15 January 2016

To six hours later waking at 3am with very severe abdominal pain, which led to shock and a split second loss of consciousness. I quickly recognised the symptoms as a "gluten cross contamination reaction" and although horrendous thought my body would sort itself out. This however was not to be the case and when I began to bleed I realised something very bad was happening, so an ambulance was dispatched. Thankfully I was able to contact a friend and her husband who came to help Dave until family members arrived. My friend Bea came in the ambulance with me and stayed until they moved me from A&E to acute surgical. Kath travelled from Barrow to collect Pip who was looked after by family and Sara and Tom stayed to help Dave.

By early evening on Sunday my condition had stabilised and the consultant satisfied that my lower intestine and bowel had not ruptured, declared me able to return home. I must admit I felt wretched as a result of being dehydrated but knew that I would have much needed peace and quiet at home. My recovery is a slow process and I have lost my appetite and as a result feel nauseous most of the time. I have been allocated an appointment for an endoscopy on Tuesday to ensure nothing sinister is lurking. Your prayers and good thoughts would be much appreciated at this time.

Naturally I haven't been in much of a state for taking photographs but I would like to share a story with you:

Our daughter Sr Emma Maria was praying on Sunday afternoon with the community of sisters and when they reached the last decade of the rosary, she felt this overwhelming need to pray for me and her dad. Straight after the prayers, she sat down to have a snack and the next minute the phone was ringing, it was Dave telling her that I had been admitted. An ocean separates us from her in northern Spain and us in the UK, but the love of Christ never separates us :-)

Saturday, 9 January 2016

A rare occurrence these days, the two of them working on a Lego project whilst Dave and I enjoyed a few moments peace :-)

Little Flowers

Making sugar paste roses to top ...

... eton mess for our afternoon tea.

Epiphany Day Presents

Beautifully wrapped presents,
thank you Dorina, Greg and all. Benedict read the Star Wars book in one
sitting and we are using "Adam
of the Road" as a read aloud. Pip's "Blue Willow" book is our chapter
book at bedtime and you can see from the smile on her face that acorn
girls were a real hit. Dave and I have yet to try the tea and coffee and this bag ...

... is now my knitting bag :-)

Looking back over these images not only makes me smile but is a reminder that joy really can be found in the midst of great difficulties. It has been a really hard week this week:

A very dear friend is dealing with a suspected serious medical condition and the thought of losing her seems to sad for words, so we are storming heaven for a good outcome and healing. Both her and her husband have played a major part in our lives these past sixteen years and in the absence of family near by, they are our "local family."

Dave started with a nasty virus on New Year's Day which in turn has exacerbated the MS, so his walking has dropped off again and I've lost sleep helping in the night. We are both exhausted and frustrated by our circumstances but God's will is found in sickness and in health as well as in sorrow and joy.

Pip really did not want to return to school and she made a very convincing case on Wednesday night: "You, Dad and Ben are at home each day, so why do I have to go? All I do is work, work, work and Ben gets to go swimming, do some cooking and play with Lego!" Despite her complaints she did get up the following morning and after a breakfast of her favourite food, boiled eggs with corn crackers, her and I were soon on the commuter run across town.

I am stretched thin and find it increasingly hard to deal with everyday events; it is by God's grace that I have not succumbed to a breakdown, but in my weakness is His strength. In addition to my "daily joys photography" I have been writing out scripture passages today's writing says it all:

"This is a great joy to you, even though for a short time yet you must bear all sorts of trials; so that the worth of your faith, more valuable than gold, which is perishable even if it has been tested by fire, may be proved ~ to your honour when Jesus Christ is revealed." 1 Peter 1 v 6-7

Sunday, 3 January 2016

We are bombarded with diet plans, detox programmes, plan your holiday, declutter your home. Resolutions
are made, goals are set but there is one thing we cannot control and
that is life getting in the way! There is an age old phrase, "if you
want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans!"

Some
folk myself included have learned not to set new year resolutions
because one can almost guarantee instant failure within a matter of days
:-). Any dieter will tell you that to make a food out of bounds is to
make that food suddenly desirable!

Magazines
and the Internet exhort us to make this year the best ever and one
popular theme is finding your word for the year. My word for 2015 was
Hope. So no surprise that over the course of the year I was given
plenty of opportunity to try and live that word :-).

I
remember listening to a lady share her cancer journey and she wrote
many words of encouragement and scripture passages and dotted them
around the house. One such phrase was, " To hope means hoping when
everything is hopeless, otherwise it is not a virtue at all. Hope
requires us to look ahead and almost cast aside the mess in which we
find ourselves. To fix our eyes on Jesus as the storm rages around us,
so much easier said than done.

When Dave
encountered an unexpected and scary relapse late on in the year, I knew
that my only way of coping was to look for some semblance of joy in each
day. As always I look through the camera eye and so began a series of
daily blog posts and images that upheld me during the darkest moments.
God knowing me through and through blessed me in so many ways and as
the days rolled into advent my yearly participation in the DPP began.
Sharing with others one photo and a comment for each day, not only
documented the usual feasts of St Nicholas and St Lucia, gift wrapping
and candle lighting but also the unprecedented rains, caravan cooking
for friends and stories by candle light due to the power outage. Each
photo a tangible memory of that moment in time and space.

It
can be hard to remain positive during adversity but when we concentrate
on lack we become depressed; when we are depressed we see the glass
half empty instead of half full and suddenly we are dying of thirst.
Some folk keep a gratitude journal. Can you keep a running list of
giving thanks? Ann Voskampf did just that and wrote a book charting her
journey. The thirteenth century German mystic Meister Eckhart
believed that, " if the only word you ever said was thank you," it would
be enough.

If however this year fills you
with uncertainty and dread do not be discouraged. St Benedict in his
writings always reminds us to begin again, this might be at the start of
each day or several times throughout the day, which is often referred
to as a do -over in our house :-). Jesus fell under the weight of His
cross so that we might remember that it is the getting up again that
counts!

Your challenge might be to live each day as faithfully as you
can and to offer the sorrows and sufferings to God. No suffering is
wasted as He takes all and in so doing weaves a beautiful tapestry
unique to each individual. When you rise tomorrow ask, "What is the
true work I am to do today?" Teach me O Lord to number my days that I
may gain a heart of wisdom.

For when we take
the time to not only offer our day to God but to ask for his guidance
and open our hearts and really listen God allows the Holy in the
commonplace. For me it was an unexpected oasis of peace on Christmas Eve
~ a God planned moment of not being at home cleaning and baking but a
quiet moment at Leighton Moss RSPB cafe for a cappuccino! Last minute
food shopping as well as card delivery to friends in Silverdale afforded
this interlude. Sunshine, blue skies and no demands, God is the best
physician :-).

Whether you are a planner, a
dreamer or a take life as it comes person, be open to the Spirit within
you. All change takes time and this is God's greatest gift to you at
the start of this New Year; three hundred and sixty five never before
lived mornings and starlit evenings, fifty two weeks of discovery,
twelve months of growth and four splendid seasons. So as you enter into
2016 take the hand of your creator and "welcome this New Year of things never been."