Wacky Wednesday: King of Fighters '99 Live

By Zaid at Wednesday, February 13, 2013 10:59:25 AM

Raise your hand if you saw the King of Fighters movie?

*Raises hand*

Come on, don't be shy. Surely someone else here has seen it? Right? Right? Goddammit! Guess it was just me. Well, no surprises people, it's terrible and just barely qualifies as a "movie". It's a movie in the same sense that that YouTube clip of the bok taking out that Mountain Biker is movie. Except, you know, the Youtube clip has production values, and a plot, and humour, and pathos, and realistic dialogue. No its true, 14 487 922 people agree with me on that.

What it certainly doesn't have is people using bluetooth headsets to travel to alternate dimensions to engage in martial arts tournaments. I am not making that up, that is a thing that happens in this King of Fighters "movie". Inter-dimensional travel, requires more than a 4G phone on a working LTE network. It not gonna happen on Pay-as-you-go, I can tell you that much.

Maggie Q from Nikita is in this. It's as helpful as a Pooh Bear plaster on decapitation. Which is to say, not at all.

I'm not even sure how this thing is supposed to be connected to the King of Fighters game, because aside from a few familiar names, they have nothing in common. The characters don't look remotely similar, they don't have the same jobs, nothing. This travesty is especially sad because someone spent $12 million to make this thing and still managed to mess it up. With that kind of money Jacob Zuma could build half a house.

For waaaayyyy less money than that, I'll bet you could get some people to dress up as King of Fighters characters and pretend to have a battle. Shove that on YouTube and it would be more entertaining. It's a wager I'd win too, because Marti Escageda has been doing just that for a while now, and yes, it is more entertaining. Also, it didn't cost $12 million.