I BLEED OUT OF MY VAGINA ONCE A MONTH

Tuesday, 17 October 2017

****This is a personal, way too much information post about my bodily fluids. If this offends your delicate feelings, I wouldn't read any further if I were you****

Periods. Can't live with them, can't live withou -- what am I saying? I could live without them. In fact, I'd pay to live without them. I'd give up an internal organ to live without them. There are the rare breed of women that don't mind their periods, but let me tell you, I am not one of them.

I have had periods for 10 years, come January 8th. Yes, I remember the date. It was my best friend's birthday and I called her and mumbled down the phone that I had "become a woman" - because what 13 year old would dare to say the word, period? Flash forward a few years, I still couldn't say the word period without blushing and I still couldn't buy my own pads (thanks mum!)

Was there anything worse than going to a friend's house and realising they don't have a bin in their bathroom? Or a friend telling you she had supplies in her bathroom, only to find the dreaded tampon available and attractively hanging over the toilet seat, attempting to insert a vibrator-shaped fluffy object into your vagina? Or a boy trying to have his way with you and mumbling that, "it's that time of the month"? Or changing a pad in public and trying to do it quietly, so the entirety of the girls loo didn't think you were waxing in a cubicle? Why are pads so noisy to unwrap?

Now I'm 23 and I'm ready to talk about periods. I went from a 20 year old who used to say (to my now husband), "I can't until a few days" and then give him "the look" to a 23 year old who says, "go round the shop and get me the night pads, this is a heavy period and the blood won't stop coming". And guess what? He doesn't care. And neither do I. Periods are normal and we need to talk about them, especially to men.

Let's talk about schools. They don't educate you on periods. What they tell you: you will bleed for a week out of every 28 days. Wear pads or tampons". That's it. What they don't tell you: Get period knickers, otherwise you'll ruin every pair of nice knickers you own with blood stains. Buy long pads, because guess what? When you lay down to sleep, that blood has to go somewhere. Be prepared to have long baths and sit on the toilet for copious amounts of time - it's the only time you'll be free. Let me tell you, the average pee takes me 10 seconds. Period pees take me a few minutes. I sit there enjoying the freedom of not having a piece of fabric irritating my already sensitive vagina. You may have periods that last a week, but a lucky few will get periods that last two weeks. I salute you. You'll also feel like you're about to give birth before the blood's even thinking about exiting your body. Girls, how many times have you laid on the floor in immense pain because you can't physically stand up? I used to do this at work so often. You'll put on between 7-14 pounds and inflate to the size of a pregnant woman. Your breasts are so dense and heavy, you could do a workout with them - that's if they're not so tender, that you can actually touch them. And clots (looks like strawberry jelly, yum!) - the first time I had one of those, I thought I had just turned into Jane the Virgin, who had somehow become pregnant and miscarried. I was petrified. But girls, if it's smaller than a 10p piece, apparently it's normal...who knew? And don't even get me started on your moods...

I'm not sure if I want to punch you, cuddle you, eat you or have sex with you. But those are the four moods I experience on my periods. I don't recognise myself when I'm on my period, I am no longer me.

I saw this advert today and I did a happy dance.

Normalising periods needs to happen. More adverts like this please.

I think the most important piece of advice with periods, is go by what's normal for you. Me and my best friend have completely different periods but they're normal for us and if there's any changes, make sure you go to your GP. And I know it sucks, but we're all in this blood filled monthly nightmare together.