My Life, My Words, My reality!

January 30, 2012June 6, 2012

Honesty….An Unspoken Rule??

This weekend was a great but there was something that came up that has left me unsure, uneasy and disappointed.

Honesty has been a topic that I have discussed with my bff and roomie relentlessly for the past two days. We all want people to be honest with us but where does that line get blurry when it comes to dating?

With everyone having options upon options, how and when do you decide to let someone that you are dating know about the rest? Is that even an option?

My definition of dating is dating to be in a relationship, now however long it takes to get there, is dependent on the two people in it. Yes, there will be times that you may entertain other people advances but how far is too far?

If you have been ‘dating’ someone for a couple of months when do you let them know that someone else has caught your interest; is that something that they should even know about?!?

Do you wait until you guys have racked up enough text messages to write a short story? Until you have spent enough money on dates that you feel confident that they will lay it low and spread it wide?

What?

I was talking to one of my male friends who has become very close and special to me in a short time span. I listen to his advice and can’t wait to update him on my life.

After our brief conversation about my weekend, we delved right in about honesty and how that factors in dating. He left me with a different perspective that had me thinking.

…in my opinion noone is held accountable until the moment that both parties explicitly express a mutal understanding and agreement of a monogamous and exclusive connection and relationship that being said…i think its perfectly fine…

So what do you do? Do you tell, do you keep it to yourself or you let the person know and let them decide on what to do?

Some may argue that because you aren’t exclusive that person doesn’t need to know sh*it but this is where I disagree; there is something called RESPECT.

Have we as a society gotten so selfish that the only thing we think about is self?

In a place where it is praised to be deceptive, manipulative, selfish and everything else are we really surprised when the table is turned and we are the one on the receiving end?

What about the ones who have had their heart broken, their trust tampered with and everything else wrong that could happen in dating or being in a relationship; what happens when you are the one inflicting the same thing on someone else? Does the story now change?

Hmmm….

Just thinking about things and this is definitely one that I will continually ask myself and others on. When it comes to the matters of the heart…I don’t play, neither should you!

When you guys are dating when do you let someone know that you are talking to someone else? Do you even bring it up or let it slide? Why or why not? Let me know!!

I think it is more about being honest in your situation or discuss any feelings that may arise that could have an impact on someone else. There are some things that may or may not be discussed but where does one cross the line?

It really depends on if the two people in question are making the beast with two backs. Honesty in that situation is imperative for both people’s health especially in this day and age (side note: everybody should get tested) but in a non-physical, non-exclusive relationship the need for full disclosure only needs to coincide with “the talk”

For me this goes back to the golden rule, and being a big believer in karma. if you just are casual dating someone, there is probably not an immediate need to disclose every fact in the world.. everybody has skeletons in their closet, and if we disclosed everything, we would all be alone probably. When totalk and what needs to be disclosed are in the end tied to the developing physical and emotional closeness, and we all should treat each other with kindness and respect. Sometimes that requires putting all the facts out there, it’s case by case.

I’m indifferent about this topic. In a sense, I agree with your friend when he said that if the option of a monogamous relationship has not been discussed then you really don’t “owe” the other person an explanation. But then I agree with you in the sense of there should be a level of respect; just to give the person you’re dating a head’s up.

Yes, I believe in dating to ultimately be a relationship but in the early stages, I feel it is okay to date more than one person. I’m an advocate of safe relations so keeping the intimacy levels down amongst dates would be something I would keep in mind.

In the past, I have talked to no more than two guys at once. They didn’t know about each other because things weren’t serious. I didn’t feel it was necessary for either of them to know when I was hanging out with the other.

As I sit here and type this comment, I put the shoe on the other foot, trying to see how I would feel if I found out a guy I was talking to was spending time with (an)other girl(s) but that’s a post for another day, I’m sure…lol