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After hearing all the commotion, his wife, Betty, went to the front of the house and found him on the floor. Wally had been punched in the nose and it was bleeding.
“I sat on the edge of the bed. He says, ‘give me your hands! I’m going to tie you up!’ And I said, ‘No, I don’t think so,” Betty said

seems to imply Betty was magically teleported from the front of the house to the bedroom?

I’m glad the guy and his wife are safe, but you’re correct: the writing sucks. That said, you don’t have a monopoly on horrible newspaper writing in your area. My “favorite” headline locally:

One of my cow-orkers knows Wally and yes, he is a clown; rides one of those little trikes in parades and such. The “armed” intruder should know better than to wield a plastic[*] shovel against some 92-year-old clown!

I saw the story on the news last night. It didn’t make any more sense on TV than it does written. From what I could tell, the robber ran away simply because the couple didn’t cooperate. If anyone had any kind of weapon, it wasn’t mentioned.

“A masked intruder wanting money barged into Wally and Betty’s apartment in St. Charles over the weekend. However, he got something in return. … After a couple minutes of struggling, the man ran out the door with nothing.”

Bu – whaaaa?

So – he wanted money, but got something, then left with nothing.

This is a riddle, isn’t it? Is the answer “A tree”? “A shoe”? Ooh – I know, “An egg”!

And Greg, the intruder was obviously armed. In fact, it seems he had two of them.