Sunday, March 16, 2014

Here We Go...

I had meant to write a well thought-out, reasoned, logical-yet-impassioned blog entry about this... but I still haven't figured out how to do that. So I can tell that this little entry is going to be, y'know... slightly rambling.

I want my nieces to grow up in a world where they can do anything they want to do.

Obviously, right? That's what we'd all like. Duh.

What I don't want is for them to grow up and have their options curtailed by their gender. What I don't want is for their attitudes towards men and women, boys and girls, their own selves, to be decided by a society, and a media, that is slanted.

Big Books for Boys are about adventure and exploration. Big Books for Girls are about makeup and looking pretty.

My niece Becca is 4. Becca loves pink. She loves princesses. She wasn't BORN loving pink and loving princesses — she learned that. She learned it from the people around her, from the TV she watches, from the other kids at the school-type place she goes to. And you can see it. You can see it happening. People go up to her and the first thing they say, the FIRST thing, is "Oh, don't you look ADORABLE!"

Boom. Now she thinks that her physical appearance is THE most important thing about her. Now whenever she's wearing a new dress she always runs up to me and says "Derek, look at my dress!"

I don't want my nieces thinking their looks are the only things that matter. For their birthday, the twins got a big dollhouse. It is, admittedly, awesome (if you like dollhouses). And I knew they were getting the dollhouse, so I went to buy them dolls. I bought them a princess doll and a mermaid doll, because Becca loves princesses and Emily loves mermaids. But I also got them an Annikin Skywalker doll, with lightsaber and sound effects, and an Iron Man doll. So now Iron Man has tea with Princess Barbie (and by all accounts, he's loving it) and the future Darth Vader (spoiler alert) sits awkwardly on the couch with Mermaid Barbie.

I buy them toys for boys because I don't want them limited by what toy companies tell them they can be.

(Er, not that a princess, a mermaid, a Sith Lord or a super hero is an achievable goal anyway... well, maybe the super hero...)

And then I start thinking about my books because, well, my books are awesome and deserve to be thought about. I think I've done well, all in all. The decision to have the main character be a teenage girl wasn't a decision at all — it's just something that fit. I've also worked very hard to refrain from idealising Valkyrie. Having a female main character but treating her like she's this flawless wonder is as damaging and disingenuous as the very things I've been trying to avoid. But treating her like a real person? Giving her an ego, an arrogance, a selfishness that we'd all have in her situation? That's FAIR.

But I've also failed, in certain ways. I've given in, without even thinking. Val is pretty, for a start. Was that necessary? No, not really. I could have made her plain. I could have taken away the height, the slimness, the little dimple when she smiles... But I didn't. Yes, the pretty fictional character is based on my pretty real-life friend, but I could have changed THAT aspect, right? Only, I'm as biased as anyone else. I like beauty. I like a pretty face. I like Gina Carano and Ronda Rousey. I admire them as people, as fighters, as athletes — but would I pay them this much attention if I didn't also appreciate how they look?

I'm as bad as anyone, but the thing is, I'm trying NOT to be.

So while you're digesting all this, and figuring out if what I'm saying has ANY relevance to ANYTHING, I want you think about Captain America: Winter Soldier. You all know what a huge comics fan I am. Most of you know that I own the shield he used in the first movie. I am REALLY looking forward to the sequel, and nothing will stop me from going to see it.

But seeing as how I'm talking about how women are valued primarily on their looks, I'd like you to take a peek at the posters released. Here's Cap, looking pensive...

And Nick Fury, also looking pensive...

And here's Black Widow, looking... wow.

Is that it? Is that her only worth?

In some ways, I'm old fashioned. I believe in old-fashioned things. I believe men should be strong. If they can't be strong physically then they must be strong morally. I believe men should hold the door for women, should stand up from the table when they walk over, and they should, when possible, pay for dinner. I also believe that men and women are equal in every way that's important.

So when I ask "Is that her only worth?", I'm not asking that from a feminist's perspective. I'm asking it from a man's perspective. The Black Widow is a secret agent, a spy, an assassin, and a hero... so why can't she be pensive in a series of pensive posters? Why does she have to adopt the sexy pose?

If any of my nieces grow up to be a secret agent, a spy, an assassin or a hero, I'm going to be as proud of them as if they grow up to be a princess or a mermaid. But I'm going to have to insist that they be given the opportunity to be WHATEVER they want to be, and those kinds of opportunities begin with me — the writer, the creator — and with you — the reader, the consumer. Don't settle for less. Don't settle at all.

Well... That was inspirational. But it got me wondering what defines a toy as a "boy toy"? I know kids often have toys "designed" specifically for them, but why? You know that new line of Nerf guns "for girls"? Nerf Rebelle? I don't see what's wrong with girls using regular Nerf guns, and if guys want to use a Rebelle gun, they shouldn't have to be embarrassed because it was "made" for girls.

Completely agree. I'm not sure exactly what it was me and my friend were talking about a few days ago but we were talking about a film and she said "Oh that's such a girl's film." and I said "No, it's a film for everyone. Films aren't gender specific. Boys can enjoy it just as much as girls." and she replied "No, it's definitely a girl's film." As much as I love my friend, I just want to tell her that... She's wrong on that one. Films aren't made specifically for one gender... Why do we judge everything by gender? Jobs, films, books, toys. So annoying...

Well actually, all companies do it. Not only films. Toys, games, books, magazines, newspapers... they all have a demographic. It doesn't stop anyone else enjoying the thing, but I think what the product was made for designates whether it is a "boy's" thing or a "girl's" thing. But as I said, it doesn't stop people other than the demographic from using or enjoying it.

Demographic can be anything, by the way. It doesn't have to be gender. It can be age, race, religion, hobby... for example you could have a magazine for men who are aged 40 or above who fly model planes.

And then you'd design the magazine around that. Like a magazine for children would have lots of colour and not many words, you'd adapt the product to fit the demographic.

I'm feeling sillier the more this conversation goes on... I'm going to try and smoothly change the subject without anyone noticing... uhm, the new Captain America movie looks awesome, I can't wait to go see it.. he he...

Nope. Gravity is TERRIBLE. It's the most overhyped film I've ever seen.In terms of the graphics, they're amazing. I can't fault the computer imagery at all.

BUT... the plot, characters, script... are practically non-existent.About every ten minutes you see something which makes NO sense.The characters are astronauts, but they do nothing but panic.When they're running out of oxygen, they don't even seem to hurry up.+1000 other issues with the film.

The script is just full of clichés, as well.

It's like they spent AGES on the imagery, but like two minutes on everything else.

This post came at exactly the right time for me, Derek. Thank you so much. It's so important and so relevant, and I've just spent the last hour debating with a boy on tumblr about the importance of feminism, which he claimed is just women trying to 'rule over men'. My anxiety is already bad, but that made it worse for me and this blog entry has made me feel so much better. Thank you.

You are the kind of author that has fans that when they meet up, they talk about how great you are as a person.You are the kind of person that . . . well, you know, I go through life listening to what people say, as you do, because like, I have ears, and when someone says something, or I read something, or whatever, really awesome . . . I go OHMYGOSH and store that in my head.You're the kind of person who fills up my memory bank with awesome stuff that my brain comes back to later.And that is because you say awesome things, Derek.You really do.You can consider my world view partially expanded because of you. :)

And tomorrow, I am probably going to be telling my friend who acknowledges awesome things like this about this blog post.Because that's what I do with awesome things.And I would be telling the blogbut you know, they're here. They've already read it. :P

Wow. That was just awesome. Derek Landy that made me grin. Because women don't need to be treated like we can't do things men can. We can do things too, and seeing Valkyrie be the one who is human is awesome she has flaws she's likeable but hateable. And your nieces remind me of my own niece. Taylor loves pink she wants to look pretty, because what was she told? "You're adorable." It drives me insane. Taylor isn't just adorable she has other qualities. Why do we tell girls that? Can't we say the same to a little boy? It. Drives. Me. Insane.

Yes but that doesn't mean it didn't servierly wound me and cause cryogenic sleep as well as healing to be required.Nice dress chio!*dances**stops* oh chio? Why did you PAT me on the head?*dances again*

Well said, Mr Landy. However, I believe girls and boys should be given the opportunity to be whatever they want to be. I have two girls and a boy, and I have to say, I've experienced just as much stereotype about how my son should be. My son loved ballet when he was little, but gave it up when another boy mocked ballet as being for girls. He now has long hair (he likes the rocker look) and is constantly told by relatives and strangers that he should cut it short. My husband and I support whatever their passions are, so our kids are unafraid to be different, but it is a constant struggle, girl or boy.

*looks over at Blake* dashing good looks don't effect me*rises and takes the shadows hand**dances with it, going for a twirling dance instead if a slow one**thinks how fitting the phrase dancing with shadows is when applied to her past**strops thinking and just dances for a bit, lost in her past*

*sighs and gives in**let's the stress fall from her shoulders**closes her eyes and leans in closer to the clone**relaxes and let's instinct drive her**dances with her eyes closed and a smile on her face*

Not only do you write amazing books, but you also give us thoughtful blog posts like this, and you do talks and signings, and you're not just a cool writer but a cool person.

I remember meeting you on Skype, and you showed us your movie memorabilia and your cat, and teased us about which characters you killed off/were going to. And it was just so cool.

And of course, we were weirdos who put pretzels in Skulduggery's brain and ate tiny paper cutouts of your head (I was actually one of the ones who didn't, though my point here is that you were still cool about it). And of course we had to demand WHY. And then you were really happy that we were crying over your book (and I guess I get that. It means we're emotionally invested in your books. It also means we care).

Also, you're evil.

Thank you anyway.

And reading posts like this, that make me think, well, it reminds me why I'm a fan. Like Star said.

I remember when I was six or so, and my favorite color became pink for absolutely no reason at all except that I thought it made me cooler. And in my fantasy world, I was the princess, for similar reasons. Yes, I saved the kingdom from doom quite a bit, but I was still the princess, and I wasn't sure what to do about the dress part because princesses are supposed to wear pretty dresses, but they're somewhat impractical for stowing away on pirate ships, and other activities required to save the kingdom.

Also, as someone who takes several dance classes, I've heard a lot of stereotypes. In the ten years since I started taking ballet, I've never worn a pink tutu and only once had a pink costume of any kind. Dance has so much power to it, and it's a beautiful form of expression. Also, when ballet was first invented, it was a guys-only art-form. Just saying.

But since it's beautiful, of course it must be a "girl thing", and of course it must be pink, and let's make fun of it even though it takes a lot more strength than plenty of sports, and there's so much more to dance than pretty costumes and fairy princesses.

The thing that really bothers me is when people assume things, and fill in the blanks. Or act like anything different from them is wrong. Because, look at reality, people! We're all different people with different traits and different values, but we all have similarities, too. I take ballet, and I love it, but I also read books with darkness in them, and I listen to lots of music, and I create things and fangirl over other things and then ramble about even more things, and don't quite know where to go and when to stop.

Not even sure what this is anymore, but I've spent enough time on it that I may as well post it.

*sighs and opens her eyes**comes back to reality and stands straight again**puts some space between her and the clone**turns her head away although she keeps dancing**stops and pulls away from the clone**smiles up at it and walks off to a small keyboard in the corner**quietly hits the keys so as not to disturb chio and Blake**thinks about love*