FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE, so beware yon spoilers!

Mar 10, 2009

early bird

AMC ran my column early this week because it's a wee interview with Aaron Paul, the dude who stars on the AMC series Breaking Bad who's not the dad from Malcolm in the Middle. He also stars in the remake of The Last House on the Left, which opens this week. Now your Tuesday is like your Wednesday, which I know is going to throw you off-track. For this I apologize, but remember- what doesn't kill you generally makes you want to kill someone else.

In related news: who's going to see Last House?

In other related news, posting is going to be light this week because...well, because I'm busy. Maybe even biz-zay. But what's taking me away from movie watching and the such is actually stuff that I can share with you down the road, so it'll all work out in the end. You know that I do everything for you...but I won't do that! Or something.

In other other related news, I'm glad to see that the results of my Wendy Torrance poll are currently in her favor. It's good to see her get some love!

In other other other other related news, here's a scene from Bug. I know you gaze lovingly at that little photo in my sidebar where the woman's hair is on fire...now you can watch the movie magic happen right before your very eyes!

If there's one day I don't want my hair to catch on fire, it's my birthday. Yes, that's the set from The Brady Bunch. I'd also like to point out that she decides to make "chicken mousse", which contains "jellied chicken". I'm sure there's something out there that's more repulsive than jellied chicken and chicken mousse, but whatever it is I'd rather not know about it. Let's distract ourselves from such grossness by re-reading my review of Bug. Sweet relief!

To be honest I'm not that overly excited about seeing the "Last house on the left" remake, which is probley more down to never really rating the original film, especially the scene involving the cages of chickens on the truck and how humourous the scene was, which kinda spoiled the mood that had been built up. Still will be intresting to see if the crotch knawing scene makes it into the remake.

Last night I saw a revised, super-extended commercial for LHotL with an eerie cover of Guns n' Roses' "Sweet Child of Mine" playing over it. It was surprisingly effective.

This could be a decent exploitation entry, actually. For me, the original was (and still is) too sleazy and sadistic. Maybe this one will focus on the parents' payback more than the outrages leading up to it.

No plans on seeing Last House. Saw the original, finally, and quite frankly I can't see what all the fuss is about. Maybe it was more hurtful to the delicate sensibilities of 1970's America, but we live in a time wherein the newest entry of the Saw franchise draws middle-school kids to the theater. Hell, I saw someone bring their kid to see Hostel - must've been in first or second grade.

The only part that came close to disturbing me, really, was the scene in the forest when they force the two girls to, ah, engage in... um... well those guys were sickos, right?

Could have been the poor film making, the horribly out-of-place wacky po-pos and their pointless journey to do absolutely nothing, or the bizarre caricatures that made up the film's three villains.

Seemed like a stronger movie the moment the mom found her daughter's bloody stuff. (Incidentally, who keeps the bloody clothes of their victims in their suitcase, and why? Sentimental value?)

Any interesting ideas or challenging visuals the original had are probably just going to be replaced by standard slasher fare in the remake, anyway.

I'm curious about "Last House" only because the victim apparently survives this time... it would be interesting if she got to take her own revenge rather than letting her parents do all the chop-chopping. Judging by the preview, though, it looks like they get to have most of the fun.

I am also amused by the tagline, "If bad people hurt someone you love..." Oh, well, if they're BAD people that's an easy one.

Though I think ANY movie can be made better with the addition of fire-farting cockroaches, let me state for the record that I'm a big fan of Friedkin's Bug. It was HORRIBLY mismarketed, so it had a strike against it from the get-go. Of course, audiences would have forgiven this PR faux-pas had there been the roaches...

Anyway. Even with the 2 "NO" responses split up, Wendy Torrance is still getting the love! She IS cool, dammit!

Or maybe I'm just big on the Shelley Duvall train right now...it's really an astonishing performance, if you ask me.