Time for Rangers to bring in Bill Murray?

Written by Jim Thornton.

Who Ya Gonna Call?

In the beginning, Sir David Murray was ‘tempted’ by the serpent that was the big, bad, nasty bank to sell Rangers to Craig Whyte. Then his erstwhile disciple Paul Murray had his Blue Knights’ bid to buy back the club kicked into touch by the Administrators. Now, current Rangers’ chairman Malcolm Murray is the latest of that ilk to find that life in the Ibrox boardroom is not the Garden of Eden it was cracked up to be when he came under pressure from Govan’s favourite Yorkshireman to hand in his fig leaf.

Thankfully, they’ve now kissed and made up and everything in the garden is now rosy.

According to informed reports/unsubstantiated rumours (delete as appropriate), Mad Mental Malky’s had been making indiscreet, inappropriate, and injudicious comments about the Gers in public – which is, of course, James Traynor’s job.

If Chairman Malky is eventually persuaded to walk away at some point, maybe the board will choose to keep it in the family, as it were, and elect Hollywood actor Bill Murray as their new figurehead. After all, the Ghostbusters star appeared in the film version of Charlie’s Angels, and also had a cameo role in Zombieland. Typecasting, or what?

And, going by the photo below, he even looks like Charles Green, don’t you think?

Tales of the Riverbank

A more than healthy crowd of just over 5,600 got their money’s worth at Cappielow last Saturday as Morton came from two goals down against Partick Thistle to claim a share of the points in their top-of-the-table clash. Despite what other clubs may say, it looks very much like a two-horse race between the Ton and the Jags for the First Division title, although Paddy Power won’t be paying out on the Greenock side anytime soon given that they infamously blew a fourteen-points lead over Airdrie in 2004.

Those Thistle fans who ventured out from their West End bistros and wine bars to sashay down the M8 to Cappielow for the first time must have thought Doctor Who was driving the bus and that they had travelled back in time to the mid-seventies or eighties. Scapa Flow, as the locals fondly call it, was never famous for its beauty at the best of times, and it hasn’t improved any with age. A bit like the local birds, in fact. (Old joke. What does a Greenock woman use for protection when she’s having sex? A bus shelter.)

Cappielow’s now about the only old-fashioned, unreconstructed, traditional-style ground in the upper reaches of the SFL, and for all its cosmetic shortcomings there’s an atmosphere in the old Cow Shed that no modern, sanitised, health-and-safety compliant, architect-designed, all-seated, breeze-block stand - hospitality suites and sponsor’s name et al - can emulate. Let’s hope that if Morton do go up, Neil Doncaster and his pals at the mausoleum that is the new Hampden don’t insist on too many changes being made to accommodate pampered SPL fans.

Up on the Roof

Kilmarnock boss Kenny Shiels is in bother yet again with the SFA mandarins following his dismissal from the technical area for kicking out at a water bottle during last week’s game at Inverness.

Rather than simply sitting up in the stand (perhaps his piles haven’t cleared up yet), the Rugby Park gaffer climbed onto the top of the dugout where he then struggled to keep his balance. This, according to my mole in the Highlands, prompted some unsympathetic Inverness fans behind him to start chanting: ‘Jump! Jump! Jump!’

Third Time Lucky

Clyde were sadly, but comprehensively, gubbed 4-1 at the hands of Rangers last Saturday. No excuses. Graham Norton would have carried more of a threat, with or without his handbag.

But the Bully Wee can take comfort from having managed a goal this time round, unlike our two previous efforts against the Light Blues this season when we failed to trouble the scoreboard operators. So, if nothing else, at least the granny’s aff.

Desperate Dens

Dundee’s sacking of Barry Smith seems harsh to an outsider, but then again Dens Park diehards may think differently. In any event, I’m sure I speak for the majority of Clyde fans when I say we won’t hold any grudges if the Tayside club come in for former Dark Blue legend Jim Duffy to return to Dens for a second stint as manager.

It’s fair to say that Duffy’s record at Broadwood has caused a rift amongst Bully Wee supporters. Some think he’s lost the dressing-room, and that his poor team selections and defensive tactics are to blame for us languishing (yet again) at the Primark end of the Third Division. However, his critics are not so charitable.

Duffy’s defenders both claim he’s handicapped because we’ve the lowest playing budget in the division; his detractors, on the other hand, point to an amateur team currently sitting second in the table behind only Rangers. Me? I’m just happy to have seen the back of Bomber Brown. (Another former Dundee legend, by the way.)