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Friday, February 18, 2011

What a Difference...

Exactly one year ago this very moment, John and I were sitting at St. Joseph's Hospital in downtown Houston awaiting the arrival of the baby that we thought would be our daughter. We waited with baited breath each time we heard the lullaby played over the loud speaker that morning. Ultimately though, we went home empty handed that day.

I can't even begin to explain the pain and sadness that we felt that morning - some people equated it to being similar to a miscarriage... only I don't think that would be accurate. I think in situations like that there are complex emotions that can't be compared or explained. I can only imagine the pain and other things that go on emotionally when you lose a baby from your own body... but I can tell you that having a failed adoption placement is unimaginable as well.

I think the fundamental difference is that you're grieving a baby that didn't pass away - it simply is living his or her life with other people. For us that was a hard pill to swallow because we knew the dire situation that her family was in, and yet someone else was rocking our baby girl that day - without the promise of being provided with the things that she needed for her life.

What a difference a year makes though, right? I wouldn't change the experience in any way - I think God certainly had a different plan for our family... and I'd say that in the long run - we've done amazing things in this year since her birth. We've got two happy and healthy boys... an impending cross country move... and a LOT to be thankful for.

A friend of mine said it best when she reminded me that Tyler was even with us that very morning... while we waited in that room... it's just hard to even put that into perspective... but it's so true, and incredible!

I love my boys with every fiber of my soul, but that little girl has a piece of my heart too. I think about her today and wonder if she's happy, healthy, and loved. I wonder if she has everything that the world has to offer her... and if her parents are still together.

Sadly, her mother chose to keep her because of the father - and being a little bit older (and hopefully slightly wiser) I know that making decisions based on a boyfriend/girlfriend just isn't a good plan. I pray that they are together not only for the sake of the baby girl - but also for the support that is needed in raising children. I pray that her mother finished the school that she was attending at the time so that she might be able to provide for her three children. (or there may be another one on the way now too)

Life can be an interesting ride. If you hold on long enough - it will all work out for the best most of the time... you may not enjoy every twist and turn, but you certainly are often changed for the better by the experiences you have in your life.

Last week, we attended a funeral and the message that morning was that life is a series of "Hellos" and "Goodbyes"... that morning we went to the hospital for what we thought would be a very special "Hello" but it turned out to be a strange form of a "Goodbye"... but it led to a couple of extra special "Hellos" that came just a short while later.

I for one, can't imagine my life any different... and wouldn't trade these guys for anything in the world...

4 comments:

What a horrible day that was. I cannot imagine what you went through, but I do remember just crying out to God and asking Him why He would allow that to happen to you. We will never know all the answers this side of eternity, but your life is such a testimony to His goodness and faithfulness!! Even in the midst of all that pain, He had a plan for your good - and for James and Tyler's good. They are so precious and SO STINKIN' CUTE!!

Oh how life has changed this past year....and for the better and so much love has filled your home with these two boys! God always has the ultimate plan for our lives and thank goodness we can always count on Him! Love ya! Becky

Funny how the twists and turns in life put you in unimaginable paths yet you come out stronger because of them and look you ended up with two precious baby boys!! I am also thinking of the baby girl today and praying she is taken care of!

My Other Blogs

Kim

This blog is a look at life through my eyes: a woman trying to lose weight (weight loss surgery and no Trim Healthy Mama), MoyaMoya survivor (2 brain surgeries in summer 2014), infertility survivor, adoptive mother, homeschooler, Christian, and a woman on an amazing spiritual journey. Our incredible journey of faith led us to the adoption of our son in April '10... but also to a miracle pregnancy!

John

My partner in crime... and partner in life. A wonderful husband, provider, support system, and father. Loves Texas A&M football (okay, all sports), The Fightin' Texas Aggie Band, fishing, gardening, cooking, and hanging out with his family.

James

Our son born in April '10, loves getting into everything - climbing - running - and has a great time doing it! James is always on the go and loves to be outside!

Tyler

Our son born in October '10... is also into everything! Tyler loves reading as much as climbing, and would sit most days and read with you all day long. He also loves to snuggle.

Allie

This lazy girl joined our family in 2012. She was an anniversary present for me, when John found her and adopted her. She is extremely patient with the boys, and we get a lot of joy & laughter at her expense.

Dixie

This wild child joined our family in 2013 after losing our Boston Terrier, Missy, at 15 years old. She was a stubborn ball of energy at first, but now she just lays around and snores.