Another Story - Fun never stops!

I was knocked off the Internet for a couple days -
Unfortunately, not for ever!
So, here we go again!!! (HA, ha, ha!!!)

This happened in the 1990's
I find myself living in a motel, right off Rt. 34 - Ogden Ave.
Saturday - I left in the morning at about 3:30 am.
I'm back home about 8:30 - 9:00.
I've been all over the Suburbs of Chicago - doing "this and that".
I'm home - time to clean up!
Acid-wash, sand-blaster, steam cleaner - I'm "presentable"!
(A little time to re-do my make up!)

I'm a tactical and strategic genius - right across form the motel are 2
restaurant/bars - talk about planning!!
I've gotten the upper layers of misc. crude off of me - so across Rt. 34
we go!
Sat. night, at this locale is not any fun crossing Rt. 34!
I make it, unscathed - power-drinking ensues!!!!.

Time moves on (doesn't it always!?!)
Time to go - I haven't eaten all day, so I order 2 dinners to go -
Carbonara, something - and chicken, fettuccine, alffredo.
Works for me!!!

Alright Already!!
("Rusty" - you did WHAT?!? - a mattress tag - A MATTRESS TAG!!!-
I'm "telling"!
However, for some form of substantial, "consideration" $$$$$$$ -
"Silence is Golden"!!)

"Willie" - A Double Stack of Pancakes!!?? - WOW!! - You ROCK!!!

So, I've got my two bags of food - only had a "few" (He, he, he!)
shots and beers (remember, I'm not driving!)
Now, to brave the "gauntlet" of danger that Ogden Ave. was on a Sat.
night.
The road was in serious need of resurfacing (that was done 2 years later)
I take off - promptly trip on the uneven pavement -
down I go!
I don't want to damage "din-din", so I do a very smart thing -
I break my fall with my face!!!

No big deal - I get up and run across the road.
Get to my room - even after my " heroic", sacrifice (Ouch!) to prevent
harm to the food - one of the dinners was damaged.
Into the "File 13" it goes.
Just when I'm thinking about going back across the street and buying
another dinner
(Also, trying to straighten my glasses; which got rather, "distorted" in
my "meeting" with the pavement!)
A knock on the door!
Who can it be???

Ahhhh!! It's 4 members of the local "gendarme"!!
Excellent!!
(4 members to deal with me!!! - Ha, ha, ha!!!)
So, I invite them in.
One of the first things one of them asks me is if I want to go to the
hospital.
Hospital!! - Why??
They tell me to look in the mirror -
What a "wonderful", sight of blood and lacerations!!!
I decline (I haven't had "din-din" yet!)

Then they tell me that there's been a report of someone being struck
by a car.
I laugh and tell them what happened.
They ask me how long was I at the bar -
I tell them I don't, really know (A little too, long, I think!)

2 of the officers go across the street to determine how long I'd been there.
They come back and tell me I've had a lot to drink (You think!?!)
They also tell me that they have to issue me a ticket.
I'm like - for what??? - I haven't been driving!!!???
They tell me "PUI"!!!

"PUI"!!
"PUI"??
What's that???
Pedestrian Under the Influence.
Never heard of that one before!!
OK - so write me the ticket.
No sir, you have to go to the station and post 200 dollars or post your
drivers license.
Well, 200 dollars at that time was nothing (I was working a whole, big
bunch!!!!!) I'm not going to the station (still haven't had food!)
So, it's going to be my license.

I tell them my license is in my wallet, which is in my van, parked right
outside of my room.
They tell me to get it!!
I find my keys, which I left in my room (carried my room key separate).
I proceed to go outside and open my van.
Now, some people think I'm "physic", "psycho", "psychotic" - NO I mean -
PSYCHIC!!!
I perceive what's going through the officers' minds -
udder the influence - keys in hand - accessing vehicle - intent to
operate vehicle -
"DUI"!!!

Luckily, for all of us, they didn't try that!
I get my ticket, we shake hands and they leave.
What a fun evening!!
75 dollar ticket, local ordinance.

Well, over time I've acquired a couple of friends who are lawyers -
(I'm used to dealing with "sharks" - "Pool")
I tell them this story and they both tell me go to the Clerk, DuPage
County, ILL. - and pay the ticket in person.
When I do go to pay it - if they can't produce my license - don't pay it!
"Get in touch with me"!!!
Things may get a little "worse" for you!!
(Somebody is going to "mess" with you!)

I go to pay it - I give the person at the desk the ticket - they punch it up
on the computer.
It comes up and she asks me "PUI"???
(She hasn't heard of this before!)
I tell her the town it happened in -
she laughs; and says "I understand"!
I pay the ticket.
I get my license back.

I wouldn't say the town this happened in (I grew up there!).
(Western suburbs - somewhere around Aurora, Lisle, Warrenville, Plainfield)
I forget!!!