ALLEGED WIT AND HUMOUR. 'What have you got waiter?' 'I'vo-got cow's liver, calf's brains, pig's feet— — ' 'I: don't want a description of your physical peculiarities.': What have you got to eat is what I want to know.' « * « 'Is the prisoner going to plead insanity as his. defence?' asked tliu judge. 'Judging from his selectiou of counsel,' whispered a barrister who had failed to get the brief, ' I should say he was.' * * * Rival: ''What a color Miss Smythc has to-night! I wonder if she paints!'' Adorer (turning wistful eyes towards the central figure of an admiring circle): 'I don't know. . -S!»'- ?ii'j'isi.'.vJu draws woTii'-' '' 'But. can. you .keep house?' lie asked doubtfully, for lie was above nil things a practical man. 'If you gut a house and put it in my name,' she replied, promptly, 'I'll keep it all right enough'' Matters being thus satisfactorily settled, their engagement was an-, nounced. * * * ? 'Do you know that dog has bitten my mother-in-law three times?' 'Well,' as...

AUSTRALIAN BUSH&amp;ANGIN@7 THE ZE-A-IR/I/X: IDA-ITS. By CHARLES WHITE. Ciiaptur V. — Continued. I gave the poor boy somo thick milk to drink, of which the blacks are fond, and we .spent the night quietly crouching together. It was a night of the horror and darkness of death ; arid no one but such as . ? have been in similar circumstances can tell how the heart will warm and cling even to a faithful kanga roo dog in such danger. Just before day broke I let out the little black boy. Daylight had .yfffpH^oiiderful effect in cheering my ?Vr'spirit ancTsfoat.^riug-the horror _of- the night. I knew the blacks so well that I knew you in ust . never appear afrakl of them, so I resolved to face the danger before it came to me. I got - the.' 'double-barrelled gun (it was a little beauty Law rence had bought me shortly after our wedding), and, looking to the caps, I set off for the blacks' camp. They were all up and seated round their camp fire cross-legged like tailors. On my approach th...

What is believed to foe the' largest original conditional pur chase ever selected in one block was taken up through the Dubbo Lands Oflice last week by William James iinght, who hails from South Australia. Bright selected aver 4000 acres, situate 23 miles from Eumungerie railway station, paying a deposit of £623! The business done at the General Post- Uflico, Melbourne, last week was the heaviest over known at (Jhristmas season, and 50 addi tional men were at work. The English mail was the largest which has ever arrived, 1600 bags having been forwarded for distribution in Victoria, New South Wales, Tas mania, Queensland, Now Zealand.

HOLIDAY FATALITIES A Melbourne wire states: — On Christinas Day a tragic drowning accident happened four miles south east of tho Sorrento back beach involving the drowningof nearly a whole family and a young lady friend. While iishing from the rocks an overwhelming wave that came over the tongue., of... the, .flat;, rock on which they stood swept them from their 'position, ? and carried them into a pot-hole that by the inrush of the water was immediately converted into ' a deadly whirlpool. Only one' of the six managed to regain tho rocks. The five others disappeared in the seething whirl of water. Tho party consisted of Mr. Richard O'Donnell (53), an ex-councillor of Prahran, wlip had for some time been living retired at Malvern. -With him were-his eldest son, Albert Lurther (23), clerk at Rowlands and Lewis', Melbourne; his eldest daughtor, .'Rebe (21); his young son, Arnold (11); -and his daughter Hilda, Accompanying them were Miss Edith Fraser, about 20, and Mr. and Mrs. Herbert...

Show Fixtures. Following is a list of the dales of the various district shows, 11)00 — - Moruya — February 7 and !). Eden — February 14 and lo. Pambula — February 21 and 22. Camlulo — February 28 and March 1. W'ollongong — February 8, 9, and 10. Berry — February 7, 8, and 9. Nowra — February 14 and 15. lioga — March 7 and S. Bombala — March 13 and 14. Delegate— March 20 and 21. Cobargo— March 21 and 22.

Wallaga Aquatic Carnival. Tiiehe was a big attendance at the Wallaga Lako 'Regatta on Boxing Day, the gate takings being about ,£30, and excelling that of previous years. As a picnic and holiday resort Wallaga possesses superior advantages, thcmagnihcent stretch of water offering every facility for boating and bathing parties to thoroughly enjoy themselves. The presence of Jim Stanbury, the world's champion oarsman, was a big attraction, and many visited Wallaga for the solo purpose of see ing the big Shoalhavcn man afloat. Not more than half-a-dozen nomin ated for the championship of the South Const, iy? milesf prize £ib. When the handicaps appeared only one, Davis, accepted and prepared to compete with tho champion. Davis was allowed 90 seconds start and appeared to be nearly out of sight when Stanbury shot off his mark, and, spurting, showed by his magnificent rowing how well 'ho deserved the title he holds, to-day. The race was won by Stanbury as he liked. The withdrawal of Mess...

ODDS AND ENDS. Rings aro not so fashionable among ladies— that is, the genuine brand— as they were. There is a kind of revolt against too many rings as being too much like the vulgar display of the travelling jeweller. The Prince and Princess of Wales made a gorgeous State entry into Gwalior, the capital of tho native State of that name in Cen tral India. In the procession were 3u uiupiumiB, suvojai wiin nowctans of beaten gold. - Bugler Dunne — the boy bugler nnd the huro of tliu battle of Co leiibo — is in Sydney, having ar rived by the Persic. Although only 1-1 y- years of age at thu time, ho was wounded three times witli General Bullur's army, for which the lato Queen Victoria presented him with a silver bugle. The Victorian State Government has purchased Wervibeo Park Estate, for the purpose of closer settlement, at a cost of ^3 12,000. The estate consists of 2-1,000 acres on tho western shores of Port Phillip, and the purchase price, therefore, averages ^13 an acre. The Wyima ...

TESTING DAIRY HERDS. THE BEST AND WORST. The Illinois Experiment Station has been testing dairy herds to demonstrate to the farmers the im portance of weeding out their poor cows-, and keeping only those that would yield them a -profit. The work -has1 been carried on for four years, several hundred cows have been tested upon different farms, and the results published in bulle tins. In grouping the records of ten of the poorest cows and ten of the best cows, wo get tho following results : — ??', ..'.'. r?- ,~ V I ?£ £; i -^^ Tun bt'fit rows- - 1,V*~* -I''''- ''-'t' ?-'r-'~ 32'.l Ton poorest cows a|su ii-:I ill I liii as C- The - average production of the tbii:best cows was 3,579 lb. more milk: and, ip4 lb. more butter fat per year, than the average produc tion of theten poorest cows. While the 'average ' yield oJ bnUtsv .fat by the best cows is about two and a quarter- times greater than the yiold of butter fat by the poorest, yet the net profit is many times larger. To illustrate : ...

THE KISSES- THAT WOMEN . £-LIKE. If there i are degrees in kissing there is also an, art' in tho kis.s. It is not eyoryonq:\that:- can kiss properly. /Dho kisser is born not wade. He may 'achieve greatness in his par ticular' liiiOj'butit must lie done ac cording: to artistic rules. There are some men that could not kiss if they were to spend thuir whole lives in attempting to master the art, ..,.?? Nearly every woman lib. ?.-? -to kiss and be kissed.-. It is n^pnrt of her nature, just as it is tho nature of birds to sing and owls to Mink. If shu cannot kiss a bewhi=kfTod face slio is satisfied with a smooth one. Anil if'lhc smooth one is the face of one of her own sex it counts just the same ; but she certainly does object to being kissed brutally. By this we mean forcibly, bur glariously, furiously, niusculiirly. No woman wants lobe pounced upon for a kiss as a falcon seizes upon its feathered victim or a cat pounces upon an unfortunate mouse. A kiss, to be enjoyable, .must be del...

The Arid North. The Budget is, and always lias been, an advocate for a White Australia, but, as in other national questions, reserves to itself the right to vary or limit its opinions to meet any great exigency or extraordinary situation or develop ment. And, exercising this men tal attitude, it endorses President Roosevelt's advice to Australia to 'beware of keeping the Far North empty.' This immense tract of country belongs to South Austra lia and lias always been an incuin brance to that State, involving it in a Jargeannuul loss to the revenue. The climate is extremely tropical and it is with difficulty that the white residents necessary for the Government service can be induced to take up the work. The white population is extremely sparce and at the present time Chinese, Ma lays, and Japanese predominate, although the Alien Restriction Act very properly prohibits any fur ther influx of these undesirable Asiatics. It has been proved be yond a doubt that white people will not look...

BGRMAGU1.1 Tun Christmas .Fair and Flower Show for children, organised by Mr. F. Adumson, jun., came off on Saturday, and was a great success in every way. Mr. Adamson is to bo congratulated on his enterprise in lti-ifinfiiwr flirt flrtit'ni* clirtitr n-l\-i tho loyal support of the children is also worthy of remark. There were fourteen 'button-holes,' and the judge had some difficulty in coining to a decision and making an award. All the exhibits deserved honorable mention. The bridal bouquet was also very beautiful, in fact, every exhibit was good. A Christmas Tree stood in the centre of tho pavilion laden with toys, hidden treasures, lucky dips, all for distribution among the young sters who were not fortunate enough to win a prize at tho (lower show. Adult visitors, among whom wns Mr. Stanbury, the champion sculler, wore greatly pleased with the whole show., The, potato ex hibits were all very fine. Tho 'Sir Walter Raliegh' samples took the prize (a silver butter dish). Tho grea...