How to Say No to the Boss When You’ve Always Said Yes

The first time I said no to my boss was a painful moment of clarity. I wanted to be the go-to person. If she asked me to do something, I did it.

I said yes to the point of intolerable frustration. I lost confidence that I could succeed. I told my boss that I wanted a specific responsibility removed from my job description. It was non negotiable.

She told me that it might impact my salary. We met several times. I refused to back-down, even though she tried to convince me otherwise.

I was willing to lose pay and my job. I didn’t lose either.

Courage to say no.

The courage to say no comes from knowing who your are and where you want to go.

It’s great when bosses and co-workers share commitments to each other’s success. But don’t sacrifice your potential on the altar of martyrdom.

Leaders worth following want you to succeed, even if it means you leave.

Don’t sacrifice your dream to help others achieve theirs.

You are responsible for your own success.

7 tips for saying no to the boss:

Beware the ‘no’ life. ‘No’ on it’s own leads nowhere.

Be known for saying yes. Go-to people say yes. But a career without ‘no’ grows unfocused and intolerable.

Focus on relationships. Strong relationships are the foundation for saying no.

‘No’ is most useful when it enables ‘yes’. Tenaciously focus on things you want to achieve.

10 thoughts on “How to Say No to the Boss When You’ve Always Said Yes”

Circumstances can dictate responses, depending on the possible outcome of ones response. “No” to the Boss often requires clarity to preserve ones position.
Now if your looking at “no” from a subservient basis to a direct order then be prepared for walking papers.
“No”can be complex, as simple as it seems, a decisive answer, perhaps lean toward a deeper discussion of ones Leadership to authoritarian Leadership can be mis construed.
Keep the answers direct and based on facts not feelings.

Tread very carefully when it comes to saying “no” to a boss, especially if they’re the type who doesn’t read leadership blogs like this one. Most bosses believe that when they tell their subordinates to do something, it’s not negotiable, and (assuming it’s not illegal) HR offices will back the boss, not the subordinate, no matter how illogical or poorly conceived the boss’s directive is. Say no and be prepared to get your walking papers, especially in this economy when competition for quality jobs is still extremely stiff.

I agree and disagree with your point. I agree that the type of leader should be a consideration in the decision but, ultimately, I support always standing up if “no” takes the employee in the right direction. It’s important to stand for something or … we stand for nothing.

The courage to say no comes from knowing who you are and where you want to go – but more importantly, it must be equally accompanied with a solid understanding and knowledge of the facts and circumstances that support the “No” that comes from experience. When we say “No” we should be prepared next for “Why not?” Tip #8 might read; “I’m going to say ‘No’ because…” and justify the response. Good post, Dan.

Saying no requires knowing yourself and knowing what you want. The skill in it is knowing what the other person wants and negotiating (or renegotiating) around that constructively. The words in this post are both powerful and empowering!

I struggle with saying ‘No’ unless I’m to the point of overload, and I literally don’t have the capacity to take anything else on. Can you and fellow followers share some examples of strategic opportunities to say ‘ No.’
Thank you for this great post and many others.

Try and say no to a powerful client (ilo of a direct boss) … entirely different dynamic/power struggle…knowing who you are (ethic) and where you are (legal) and what will be (imperative) are absolutely paramount, as you say.

Follow-up to Rurbane – Saying “no” to a client is powerful. It changes the dynamics of the relationship dramatically. Good clients will respond positively to a firm that will say no because they now know that your “yes” has rich meaning to it. Clients are tired of firms that say yes to every request because no one firm can do everything well.