To be fair, he never claims to have been any good at Judo. He could conceivably have been crap at Judo for years, and therefore never have gotten to the level of, you know, fighting back? Hmmm.....

Nonetheless, I think I kind of know what you mean man. It sounds to me like you're a non-confrontational, not overly aggressive, kind of guy. There's certainly nothing wrong with that, and to a certain extent todays society (for most of us in the developed world, at least) kind of tries to de-fang you growing up.

To be honest man, it sounds like you kind of lack the motivation to win a fight. You certainly sound motivated to not lose a fight, but it's not the same thing mentally.

Is this just a martial arts thing? Maybe you need to man the **** up. Start drinking. Maybe get some assertiveness training. And at least once a month, act wildly irrational, just to get comfortable provoking other peoples discomfort and being the centre of negative attention.

Alternately, and I think that this would be a wiser approach, try to separate your off the mat and on the mat personas. When I still used to train regularly, I wasn't overly bothered by the usual niceties of social interaction while sparring. I didn't look for 'win-win' scenarios, nor did I aim for 'survival'. I fought hard, aiming to win the session. Because my partners were doing the same, we had a different kind of 'win-win' scenario, where we both got better at fighting against someone who was trying to beat us.

In the end, if the everyday you is worrying about whether your partner will get upset should you sub him, then you're probably not going at it hard enough. Just take your personality out of the equation and think of yourself as a machine performing a task.

I know this is only a psychological trick and it might only work in the short term, but before every practice, I would imagine myself being like Toshiro Mifune in Yojimbo cutting down guys left and right and leaving a pile of bodies behind me (I was a kendoka, give me a break).

Since you've been going at it a while, I'll just assume you know what you're doing physically/technically. I think you just gotta visualize yourself as your favorite professional fighter kicking tons of ass. Explicitly picture yourself doing what he does. Imagine crushing your opponent no matter what he tries. I'm more of a boxing fan than MMA so I'll just use Mike Tyson as an example.

Imagine him in his prime. People tried to get on the inside and brawl with him, and he would overwhelm them with power and speed. People would try to stick and move, and he would rush in and close the gap faster than they could spit. Visualize what it must have felt like to be Tyson, and to have a plan to crush your opponent no matter what he tries. Go into it with an attitude of not even letting the guy get the chance to breath without you punching his gut in. He doesn't get a chance to do a fucking thing without you being on top of it.

I would tell the younger guys in my dojo to do this and it would help a little. That's my two cents, anyway. Good luck, OP.

To be fair, he never claims to have been any good at Judo. He could conceivably have been crap at Judo for years, and therefore never have gotten to the level of, you know, fighting back? Hmmm.....

Nonetheless, I think I kind of know what you mean man. It sounds to me like you're a non-confrontational, not overly aggressive, kind of guy. There's certainly nothing wrong with that, and to a certain extent todays society (for most of us in the developed world, at least) kind of tries to de-fang you growing up.

To be honest man, it sounds like you kind of lack the motivation to win a fight. You certainly sound motivated to not lose a fight, but it's not the same thing mentally.

Is this just a martial arts thing? Maybe you need to man the **** up. Start drinking. Maybe get some assertiveness training. And at least once a month, act wildly irrational, just to get comfortable provoking other peoples discomfort and being the centre of negative attention.

Alternately, and I think that this would be a wiser approach, try to separate your off the mat and on the mat personas. When I still used to train regularly, I wasn't overly bothered by the usual niceties of social interaction while sparring. I didn't look for 'win-win' scenarios, nor did I aim for 'survival'. I fought hard, aiming to win the session. Because my partners were doing the same, we had a different kind of 'win-win' scenario, where we both got better at fighting against someone who was trying to beat us.

In the end, if the everyday you is worrying about whether your partner will get upset should you sub him, then you're probably not going at it hard enough. Just take your personality out of the equation and think of yourself as a machine performing a task.

The first paragraph of your post suggest to me you know nothing about Judo. If the OP would provide more info, it would be helpful.

Marcelo Garcia: "If you are defending you are losing."
Ricky Bobby: "If you aren't first you're last."

Pressure is a strategy. Keep chaining combinations so you can pressure you opponent and force them to make mistakes. It doesn't take an agressive mindset just an active one. Be busier than the other guy and make him defend. Then you can take advantage of his defensive posture.