gloriasteinem wrote:pls dont ban or delete me, i am sharing my own problems. i always wanted a devine relationship since i was 26, i am 30 smth now. i aged slow and my menses came on 17 so pretty normal for me. but i am a lesbian or bi but i like masculine women so i wanted a gay devine marriage. gays think thats ok. not so with heterosexual ppl who dont aknowledge gay saints for example. what is worse however is that obviously i have 2 male pretenders for me, the silent prophet to call it so and the great PR antime

Gloria, I was reading some of your older posts. I saw you live away from the city. Also; you were saying about the dangers of your life.

So it seems that the conditions are hostile for you. Not only cold and dangerous but emotionally hostile too.

I urge you to keep a small book. Write down your feelings. You can draw or write anything in that book.

Don't be scared. Write anything you like. You can say this mantra; "This is my feeling, it is true, so I will put it in the book".

The more you can put in the book, the better!There's many techniques about writing too... You can write wishes or dreams... anything you like.

It's good to "get stuff out" now. It's also helpful to read in the future, to see yourself in the mirror, you know ?

If you feel caught-up in all the problems there, then I guess it's hard to know who you actually are... Like are life's problems inside you, or, can you be free of these problems ?

So because no one can know exactly how you feel, and maybe they're scared because you're different, I think you must prioritize this right now.

I don't know, maybe you can get a job nearby, in a shop or factory perhaps, ?

So; before you go to sleep everyday, write down how you felt that day. You should write down the situation, who spoke to you, what happened, and make notes about points 1,2 and 3.

You won't have all the answers just yet. Don't worry about it. Just try to accurately express yourself in the book.

There's great benefits in just being aware of points 1,2 and 3. There's further benefits in expressing it in a book. And finally; You get to look back, later, and see yourself in the book (like looking in a mirror).