You can get through the grieving’

Hoyle, First Baptist Church of Shelby and Hospice of Cleveland County are co-hosting a Blue Christmas service Sunday. Hymns, an uplifting sermon and a candlelight vigil are scheduled.

All are invited to attend, and Bivins will.

Alicia Banks

SHELBY — The Christmas decorations are far from few at Phyllis Bivins’ home. Reindeer, Santa Clauses and snowmen line a bench outside. They found their ways inside as well, spread across her den.

The festive décor surrounds pictures of fond memories, including those of her husband of 48 years, Richard, and a grandson, Christopher.

Richard passed away from health complications in July 2008. It was one day before their 49th wedding anniversary.

“I had just started to learn to smile again after I lost my husband,” she said. “Then my grandson was killed six months later in a car accident.”

‘It can be a sad time’

Bivins moved back and forth in a red rocking chair. Sunlight filtered through the glass door in her den.

The holiday seasons turned into times with agonizing memories in the years after losing family members. Other family members learned of terminally ill diagnoses during a time normally marked by cheer, hope and reunions.

“When Christmas rolls around, there are more people to remember than be with. It can be a sad time,” she said.

A service at her home church, Hoyle Memorial United Methodist, changed her perception of the holiday season in 2008.

‘A better sense of purpose and closure’

Bivins attended “Blue Christmas,” a service aimed at making the festive season less difficult for those grieving over a loved one, unemployment or any issues affecting their lives.

It was Bivins’ first Christmas without Richard or Christopher.

Church hymns filled the building. She heard uplifting scriptures and remembered those lost with a candlelight service. Others, who grieved in their own ways, also attended.

Bivins realized she wasn’t alone. She sat beside a man whose close family member recently committed suicide.

“Before, I was angry. I asked God, ‘Why did you leave me here without him?’” she said. “But the service gave you a feeling that there’s more to life than bells. I came away with a better sense of purpose and closure.”

‘Learn the true meaning of Christmas’

Hoyle, First Baptist Church of Shelby and Hospice of Cleveland County are co-hosting a Blue Christmas service Sunday. Hymns, an uplifting sermon and a candlelight vigil are scheduled.

All are invited to attend, and Bivins will.

“Four years ago, I would cry looking at pictures or if someone said Richard’s name,” she said. “You can get through the grieving and learn the true meaning of Christmas: We are free of sin because Jesus Christ died for us.”

Looking at pictures of family members and her husband isn’t as painful now as it was four years ago.