Hey Walt, should Disney continue burning parade floats?

Parades have always played an important part at Disney parks, with creativity and originality that brings families and loners alike to line the street. But the sad fact is some of that creativity and originality has been lost. And to be honest, some of these floats are horrible. I have a couple of reasons that I want to share with you as to why Disney should continue to burn these to the ground.

Let’s analyze the demise of the dragon. First off, unlike what was reported in some less-than-reputable websites, that was intentional. It was a horrible design. Steampunk? No one likes that garbage! It was so bad it caused thousands of complaints daily at City Hall. There have been hundreds of petitions started online for this horrendous float to be removed. So was this sabotage by some radical guest? Was it a disgruntled cast member? Terrorism? Maybe it’s Maybelline? No, it was an intentional move by Disney to save face, and give into the demands of the guests.

I researched the event using satellite technology, videos, interviews, and some good ole fashioned dumpster diving. Here is what I found. First, and most shockingly: people are throwing away uneaten churros!!! What is wrong with these people? Seriously, it was like a treasure trove in there. [Ed.: Were these the churro bites he brought us?]

Also, evidence for the dragon-burning points to Disney. Years prior to the fire, sprinklers were added to the top of all of the buildings, and they have been used before — but not for this fire! My examination of the dragon’s head also showed there were holes in some lines that had the appearance that they were worn down through lack of maintenance. It’s Disney, they know how to make things look worn out! This allowed flammable liquids to soak into the head. Then, and rather obviously, the dragon spit fire. This was new! The dragon has never spit fire in its history, and I’m sure you’d be hard pressed to prove me wrong.

Finally, the ultimate proof that the dragon catching fire was intentional was the cover story Disney put out. Seriously, they expect us to buy that Mount Kilauea erupted in Florida, which is at least 50 miles away from Hawaii? Who would buy into such a stupid story? [Ed.: Hey.]

Yes, Disney has already started intentionally burning their parade floats, and they should continue to do so. It is entertaining! Plus, I happened to be at the park that day, and as soon as I saw the flames, I headed to the very best place to go during a parade: the churro cart. Sure enough, no line! Usually there is at least a 30 minute wait, unless you can get a FastPass. So if for no other reason than access to delicious churros, burn those floats down!