Daily Archives: March 24, 2012

Come on, people! What the frikkin’ heck am I busting my goolies for over here? Do you all think that I do this for fun or what?(Actually I do, but I’m trying to keep it a secret, Shhhttt!) So come on call up your relatives and friends and tell them to visit ralphiesportal.me and they get a complementary cyber hug from lil Ralphie! Tell ’em to give us lots of “likes” and comment on everything. Skit! Get to it!!!!

Like this:

Portrait of Galileo Galilei, who was wrong after all!, by Justus Sustermans painted in 1636. National Maritime Museum, Greenwich, London. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We were driving through the countryside, when I noticed some ruins that looked splendid in their worn-outness. I remarked to myself how difficult it is for me to render this faithfully on canvas, as I am not very good at painting or drawing architecture. Thus it came to be that I was pondering the rules of perspective and it was then that a horrific realisation dawned on poor Ralphie…

People and all things essentially get smaller the further they get away from old Ralphie, until they disappear altogether! Is this not horrible? Whole countries have been known to disappear from the face of Ralphie’s universe, for example when I was on a plane looking out. Galileo Galilei must have been wrong all along: the earth is flat after all!!!

Imagine all those people, who never did anybody any wrong, falling off the planet and floating around in deep space, for what reason, I ask you? I sincerely hope that I am not to blame for their misfortune!

Just the other day my friend Dermott told me he was going on a little trip and he pointed into the distance and said: “Over there!” I asked him, with a trembling lip: “Do you mean where the little people live?” I was quite apprehensive by this time! I entreated him to stay within eyesight of ole Ralphie, for I have lost enough friends already in this lifetime and he laughed at me, the scoundrel! There I wax filled with concern for his well-being and safety and he laughs in my face…

A couple of days passed and I was mourning my lost friend, when I rounded a corner and who should I bump into but my dear friend Dermott. I thought I was seeing things and asked him with tears in my eyes if it was really him or if I was being delusional. He told me that he was my born-again friend Dermott and this reassured me no end. Although he had a big grin on his face. I sometimes suspect him of pulling my leg!

Now wait a minute, you lot, would you mind explaining in no uncertain terms where you all disappear to when old Ralphie goes to sleep! Hunhh, hunhh!!! Come on, fess up! I’ll bet you all get up to no end of mischief, when I’m not there to keep an eye on youse! Dermott reassures me yet again that you all go to sleep aswell, but I still have my doubts… I shall be forced to install camera surveillance in the four directions of the wind to see if he spoke the truth! There is no fooling lil ole me!!!

-120°C/-184°F Alcohol freezes. As a result, the Finns are now acting a little tense, too.

-270°C/-454°F Hell freezes over.

-272,2°C/-457,96°F Helium can be solidified under pressure.

-273,15°C/-459,7°F Absolute zero. Absolute absence of molecular movement. The Finns reluctantly admit that, “Yes, it might be a bit chilly. Now, would you please be so kind and pass me another slice of vodka?”

Forget those worrisome background checks, giving up of Facebook passwords, and less than stellar resumes. Who wants to sit in all those boring classes learning marketable skills?

(Besides you’ve always know you’re special – too special to start at the bottom)

Smarties use what’s already available.

Use Craigslist, maybe like Jose Gustavo Diaz-Velasquez?

Life in the Brownsville area of South Texas is difficult. Jose was struggling with a bad image since he’d spent 5 years in a Texas state prison. Who wants to hire an ex-con? He also had joined the Valluco gang while incarcerated. Who wants to hire a known gang member? And he was in the US illegally. But none of that stopped him.

He dreamed of being in management.

He created his own destiny.

Using his connections, he was soon working with the Gulf Cartel providing something they desperately wanted: drivers to transport illegal immigrants. Being resourceful…