Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

“Do I sing? Fuck yeah, I sing: I BELT, motherfucker. I sing of arms, and the man. I sing sweetly and lightly, daily and nightly, til the breaka breaka dawn, y’all.

“My aim is true, and I aim for truth. I learned more from a three-minute record than I ever did at school. Granted, that record was The Monster Mash, but I gleaned my harsh education from the teat of a she-beast I named Julie.

“JUUUUUULIEEEEEEE!

“Parched you come, and I alone slake your thirst. Hungered are you, and my nipples by themselves can feed a small arena. I am your rock and roll Jesus and I tell you now: eat me up, Reno! NOM NOM NOM.”

Phil, you wanna do something about this?

“No. Fuck him. I told him the proper dosage was not a handful, but he didn’t want to listen.”