5 Sex Moves She’s Afraid to Try

Let’s say you surprise your partner with a pair of handcuffs—in the middle of an encounter. While she might be excited at first, anxiety has a funny way of wriggling its way between the sheets.

“She might think, Where are things going?” says Yvonne Fulbright, Ph.D., author of The Better Sex Guide to Extraordinary Lovemaking. And that’s quickly followed by: “I have to change course quickly, so I don’t get myself into something I’m not up for,” she says.

Why? Your girlfriend may be afraid of losing control, letting you see her body from an unflattering angle, or feeling physically uncomfortable—even though she’s totally into the idea of trying something a little crazy.

So which moves might she be dying to test drive, but just needs a little nudge to let loose? Read on to find out—then try our strategies for encouraging her to get freaky.

This modification of the missionary position is anything but vanilla: With her legs thrown back over her head, your partner is totally exposed and flaunting her flexibility—which can be a turn-on for both of you.

The problem: “A lot of women are afraid they’re going to queef, because they’ve done it in yoga class,” says Jaiya, author of Sex Positions You Never Thought Possible. And speaking of yoga, unless she’s regularly hitting the mat, your girlfriend may find this position to be more painful than pleasurable.

Enhance her pleasure: This move should not be your opening act of the night. Start with other, less-demanding positions to warm her up physically and mentally, says Fulbright.

Even after you’ve limbered up, ease into the acrobatics: Start with her knees drawn into her chest, so her calves are pressed against your upper body, then eventually have her put just one leg on your shoulder.

Before you shift to both legs over her head, make sure you have a pillow on hand, in case she wants to prop up her butt.

“That way, she’s more supported, and it’s not so much of an acrobatic act,” says Jaiya.

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Reverse Cowgirl

While you’re taking in the glorious view, your partner may be freaking out: Does my butt look dimply? Do I have back fat? Is he getting bored?

“With reverse cowgirl, there’s a lack of connectedness,” says Fulbright. As a result, she has trouble gauging your pleasure—and without that positive feedback, it’s tough to override her discomfort at being on display.

Enhance her pleasure: Remind her that you're behind her—and totally loving the experience.

“Place your hands on her hips, rub your hands up and down her thighs, cup her breasts,” suggests Fulbright. “And give her verbal affirmation: moan, groan, and let her know that it’s pleasurable.”

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69

In theory, 69 is the ideal position for oral sex: You’re simultaneously giving and receiving—which makes a normally solo act a mutual one.

But anyone who’s tried it knows that the execution is tricky. “There is so much to focus on,” says Jaiya.

Think about it: Your partner not only has all the normal anxieties of oral—How do I taste? Do I smell bad? Am I taking too long?—but is also concerned with whether you’re headed to the finish line. There’s also the issue of biomechanics: If you’re 6-feet tall and she’s 5-foot-5, your mouths and genitals aren’t going to perfectly align.

Enhance her pleasure: Instead of going down on her, stimulate her clitoris with your fingers or a vibrator, says Jaiya.

And don’t be afraid to stray from the standard position: Lie side by side, rather than with her on top of you, and use pillows to prop up your heads and separate your legs. This gives you easier access to her hot spots—and helps you both avoid neck cramps.

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G-Spot Stimulation

Stimulating her G-spot can open up a whole new world of pleasure—or embarrassment.

“Women are afraid they’re going to pee,” says Jaiya. This may, in part, be due to unrealistic expectations about female ejaculation: “Women think it’s supposed to be a waterfall," says Fulbright. “But, really, the amount varies from dribbling to squirting.”

Another source of anxiety: Once she’s close to climaxing, pushing out her pelvic floor muscles can intensify her experience—but she may be afraid of pushing something else out: a fart.

Enhance her pleasure: Let her know that any response is a turn-on, whether she can’t climax or the flood gates break forth. Then have her assume this position: flat on her back, with her knees against her abdomen.

“That allows you easier access to the front wall of her vagina,” says Fulbright.

As you stimulate her G-spot with a “come hither” motion, solicit feedback along the way. “If you ask, ‘Does this feel good?’ she will usually say ‘yes,’” says Jaiya. “But when you give her choices—like, ‘Here is faster. Here is slower. Which do you prefer?’—you will learn what feels best.”

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Bondage

We’re as tired of the whole Fifty Shades thing as you—but women are only getting started.

“I cannot tell you how many women are emailing me and calling my office because they want to have kinky sex, but they’re scared to try it,” says Jaiya. “It’s very intimidating. But women really want to be ravished.”

Why bondage in particular? It’s a little less psychologically risky than, say, being whipped or verbally dominated, says Fulbright. “You become somebody’s plaything, whereas S&M is a little more severe.”

Enhance her pleasure: If you live near a big city, consider signing up for an erotic workshop at a sex-toy shop (try Liberator or Babeland stores). As awkward as it sounds, learning specific—and safe—techniques can help both of you loosen up about getting tied up.

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