Now, for the important stuff: Gävlebocken Incineration Sweepstakes is underway on Facebook. If you wish to participate, leave your desired date of destruction in the comments. I will let you know if your selection is available. The prizes: one beautiful, sparkly virtual trophy and the right to gloat for one entire calendar year.

Please, please burn me.

Call to action: Gävlebocken must burn this year, motherfuckers. Do not allow the kommun to break it down and ship it to China (or anywhere else, for that matter). Do not allow it survive. Burn this bastard. Make it so. Deliver your offering to the High Priestess. She rarely asks for anything, after all.

Every family has that idiot cousin who has to be invited to all the celebrations. This is Gävlebocken’s. He should burn, too.