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Mindful Mandala – Rows 25 thru 29

This was some tricky crochet – not the stitches used, but the mindful manner in which I’m making this project. The prevailing message of this session is simple – you cannot deceive the universe.

Which is exactly what I attempted to do. Well, the Universe refused to let me.

When I began this special project everything was lovely. The cards were vibrant the colors were joyful. I felt inspired, and excited. Everything was peachy.

Until it wasn’t peachy – more like black and gray.

The internet is a breeding ground for deception. Everyone’s life looks wonderful in pictures. Everyone will post pictures that they have carefully staged to make them look incredible. The truth, is everything is not always perfect or the way that you very carefully planned it to be. Like my Mindful Mandala.

The fact that it was intended to be a meditative project so I could reflect on my love of crochet makes this all the more offensive.

Here is my confession.

I picked a color inspiration card that I didn’t like – so I stuck it back in the deck. Then the next card I picked I disliked even more! And sadly I skipped that one too. So the last section I posted on the Mandala Rows 16 – 24, were from a lovely happy card – not the cards I should have used.

This really bothered me. I told myself “Tami you’re being silly. Those cards would have ruined the vibe. Nobody would ever know!” Wrong – I knew. And I couldn’t shake the bad feeling that I had because of it. Ironically – well I guess there really is no irony when dealing with being Zen and the Universe – one of the cards was all about ego. My ego has made me say and do some very regrettable things in my life. It’s something I have been working very hard at controlling. Going back and using the ugly cards for my Mandala is part of checking my ego at the door.

The definitions of the cards is less relevant than the insight I’ve gained from this session. I was deceitful and dishonest – there is no dishonesty in crochet – either the pattern works or it doesn’t work, simple.

Mindful Mandala Osho Zen Tarot Color Inspiration Rounds 24 – 29

Was it really only 5 rounds?!? It felt like 500 rounds. The Universe was not letting me ‘off the hook’ easy with this session. Suddenly my counts weren’t right. I made some mistakes – there are some extra stitches in there. It was not all falling into place like I wanted it to. But that is part of life. Things don’t always add up to the number you want. Sometimes you pick ugly cards. My fallback strategy of ignoring things that make me uncomfortable, once again wasn’t the best plan. I left the mistakes in these rounds. I could have pulled them out and redid several rounds (I realized the miscount three rows after I did it).

But I want my Mindful Mandala to keep these imperfections to remind me of what happens when I try to hide from and ignore the ugly sides of my personality and the ugly sides of life.

I still have a long way to go on this project. I need to trust what I set out to do. This will most likely be the most beautiful thing that I ever crochet. And now it will be the most honest thing I ever crochet too. I don’t have that guilty, bad feeling anymore – and that is the most beautiful thing!

“The truth, is everything is not always perfect or the way that you very carefully planned it to be.” So true and nicely said!
I loved that you talked about the disconnect between your feelings of dishonesty in not having used the cards chosen, and the goal of the project to be mindful. That is so interesting. I also love that you decided to keep the rows with mistakes as a reminder that you want to pay attention more mindfully. Your story reminded me of a practice that I have tried, which is to walk into a particular bookstore and select a book at random from the fiction section to buy and read. Agh! I have done this three times now, and the 2nd time, I decided to reject the first choice and take a second one. But I did not like my second choice any better, so I even picked a third! Not likable either. I decided, just go back to the first choice, make it work. It was a book by Willa Cather, “Death Comes for the Archbishop” – a book about the Southwest in the 1850s, beautifully written, as it turns out. This time (3rd time), I also picked a book I didn’t like at first, “Sarum” by Edward Rutherfurd. Thick history-based book about Salisbury, England (Stonehenge area). So I tried second choice, but it wasn’t any more appealing. Then I told myself, just stick with Sarum and see how it goes. And it’s been a very interesting read. Ha ha, universe definitely trying to tell us something! 🙂

I love how this project combines creative growth with spiritual growth. Some times you need those mindful moments to know yourself better. I think your getting some real personal growth from this project and it’s lovely that your sharing it with us. I love the honesty in your posts. I Look forward to the next one.

Thank you Dysis. This project really has been so much more than I think even I expected. I’m excited to choose the next card and see what part of me I’m going to look at next. And the bonus that I’m learning a lot of new crochet techniques too! 🙂

Isn’t it funny how the world never really lets us get away with things, even when nobody else is watching! I actually quite like the ‘ugly’ colours, and I bet once you finish the mandala they’ll just blend in and look like they’re exactly where they’re meant to be.

That’s exactly what I was thinking Hannah. I need to trust that no matter what colors I use as a whole it’s going to be gorgeous – I mean seriously, I don’t think anyone can make this pattern ugly it’s amazing. 😀

I love watching this come together. I did finally choose one myself that starts the end of the month.
Most of my crafting knowledge is in quilting. I love quilts because of the stories they tell. You can literally read some of them. This Mandela is your story; the good, the bad, and the ugly. I’m glad you’re owning it!
In vintage quilts there’s also always a “humility” block, one that has mistakes to show no one is ever perfect. Sometimes the mistakes are intentional, sometimes not. I’m glad you left yours, life’s never perfect, and neither is art.

Thanks Trudy! I love that “humility” block idea. Needing everything to be perfect all the time is way too stressful. I almost pulled it out and reworked it, but then I just set it down and didn’t touch it for 2 days! The Mind card really guided my hook in these rounds – in the past ego has been the cause for a lot of bad decisions, and bad actions/reactions for me and I know that is one of the things that impedes mindfulness. Geez I hope I don’t pull the Controlling card soon – not sure I can deal with another 4 rows of facing my ugly card side! 🙂

I had difficulty with that group of rows as well, so maybe it isn’t all the universe. I also left my mistakes in because I embrace imperfections.
I agree with Designing Us about my quilts telling a story

Me too! Combining this project with my Osho Zen cards that I love is making it very special to me. I am so glad that I also chose to write the blogs about every step of the way too as a chronicle of this very personal project. 🙂

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