Moving on.

For those of us on the pursuit to happiness, we have to come to the realisation that we have to move on from certain things in our past. If we let them linger, then those things can hold us back and if they can and we let them, they will. Whether that be an ex partner, an old friend, or a bad habit, something that has been around for a long enough period of time that we feel a pang of guilt at the thought of cutting ties.

The thing is, as difficult as even the thought is, sometimes moving on is what needs to be done to free you from being held back from being truly happy. If you are honest with yourself, that aspect of your life, no matter what or who it is, they are making your life less than desirable. You might be so used to it that the thought of being without it will make you lonely, or it’ll be too different to be without it. Just remember this, always live your life for you first, after all it is your life. Of course you will have people in your life and you may come to share it with them and that’s great, but first and foremost you have to find happiness within yourself. If you can do that, you can do anything.

My past is full of dealings that made me truly miserable, so miserable in fact that I genuinely believed I was destined to be unhappy for the rest of my life. I thought it just happens to some people and I was one of them. I happened to fall victim of other people’s bad decisions and it got to a point where I just accepted that my life was out of my hands. Luckily for me that is not the case now. It took me a very long time and honestly it was only very recently that I took my own life back from those who thought they could do with it whatever they wanted and now it is truly mine.

There have been times in my life where incidents have occurred and they affected me so badly that I almost let them become who I was. In the end I decided that I didn’t have to be those things just because I had bad experiences, I could use those experiences to make me a stronger person. To do that I had to absolutely let go of the past. I did indeed think I had done so, but my subconscious would just not let go. I think now this was because I kept a lot of things to myself. I found myself opening up to someone I thought I trusted and they ended up using my pain against me. This did not help my trust issues in any possible way. I did not let that stop me trying to be more open though and eventually I found someone who I could really trust. They listened, they didn’t judge me and they gave me all the time I needed to get over things. That patience was just what I needed and moving on has become a lot easier.

Trust is a tricky thing and putting my trust in the wrong people made me a diffident person for far longer that I’d ever thought possible. My point is that just because one person lets you down, doesn’t mean everybody else will. You might be surprised in the best possible ways. You have to put yourself out there and it’s a little scary, you may well still find people who will let you down, this may lead you to want to go back into your bubble where it is safe, but make sure there is a little leeway. Don’t close yourself off from everybody, because you just might not see that person who is there to make your life better. Turning your back on all of what life has to offer will make you lonely and question your worth in this world. I’ll tell you this, whoever you are, you are worth far more than you realise and if there is anybody in your life that makes you feel otherwise, I’m sorry to say this, but they are the ones you need to move on from. It’s hard, but you can do it and it feels so freeing.

You are braver than you think. Even if you don’t know what you want from life right now, cutting out the negativity where possible will give your mind so much more space to figure it out. If you find yourself in a situation where you feel trapped and can’t just walk away, make sure you get plenty of time to yourself, even if it’s spending 30 minutes taking a relaxing bath. If you are being harmed in any way, whether it be physically or mentally, I know it’s difficult and scary even the thought of walking away, but think of who you were when you loved yourself the most. You were that person once and you can be that person again. Please don’t live your life for someone else who makes you feel like you’re nothing, because you’re something and they don’t deserve you.

Open up to those who you know love you and you can trust, this is definitely a good place to start, you never know what could happen and there is no reason in the world why it can’t be good things.

I’m sorry to hear that, I never even thought to mention the bad decisions we make ourselves. Just know that you are human and you make mistakes just like everybody else. What is important is that you learn from those mistakes, once you master that you owe yourself forgiveness. I hope you figure it out.

I loved this. I know exactly what you mean. However I often wonder if my refusal to dwell of negative parts of my past is part of my downfall. I think I may have gone too much the other way and blank them out, not learning from them at all. I don’t know? I know they are some things I need to let go off though.

I have had my own experiences with this and am currently in a stage of learning to look out for myself first, especially in my current state of mind. Your writing is beautiful, and I needed to read it today. I look forward to reading more of your material.

Moving on can be terrifying, but once you take the first step it gets a little bit easier. Sometimes we have to put ourselves first and do what is best for us. Life is short. Happiness is a must. I can absolutely relate. I’ve had to take those hard steps many times.

Great, intelligent words. Sometimes the past will re-surface in your reborn life, but it’s important not to put too much emphasis on it if it does. The old saying of “like water off a duck’s back” is very apt in this situation. It’s important to move one from obstacles, yes sometimes it can be difficult, but the freedom you attain by moving on is indescribable. Another thing that I often see as advice is this thing about forgiving and forgetting. If someone has done something truly horrific to you, it is not possible to forgive, and you won’t forget either, but realising that you don’t have to forgive that person to move on is very liberating. I’ll never forgive my abusive ex wife for what she did to me and my son, but she really isn’t that important to stuff the rest of my life over. It is in the past, if it weasels it way into a dream or a fear, I quickly assure myself that it is over, and not worth worrying about. I think also, to reassure yourself that you won’t let the past happen to your future is important also, if you get the gist of what I mean there. ( It’s sort of a bit of what my therapist got me to do, for the big me to let my little me inside to feel safe again by letting the little me inside know I wouldn’t let it happen again. I know, I still think it sounds weird too. )

I actually appreciate you saying this. I have been finding it very hard to leave a situation unresolved and full of bitterness. I did what I could to put it out of sight and out of mind, but then I started getting nightmares about it and it brought about my anxiety. I couldn’t sleep and I started pushing people away again. That was only last week. When the past comes back to haunt you, it can bring you right back to that person you wanted to leave behind in yourself as well and I need to figure out how to deal with that.

I think I’ve finally managed to let go of my past. Sure, it still shaped who I am as a person today, but I don’t look back on it with as much regret or curiosity anymore. Still, living without fear is not something I can say I’ve mastered. =) Great post!

Thank you for this great article 🙂 I really like the phrase “think of who you were when you loved yourself the most”. I think we tend to focus on the more negative events of the past rather than the moments we loved and felt free.

I’ve just been talking to my wonderful therapist about how to cut the ties with things that happened in the past. Quite tricky! I think I have to be more open about what has happened in the past before I can cut these ties.

Hi Sara, I love your message in this, some of it resonates with my own life and finding my way is a real struggle as life’s circumstances are bogging me down like thick mud. I hope you’re finding your way and the peace you need 🙂

Its rare that a blogger touches me, yet your blog hit a few nerves, apparently connected to my tear ducks. Right now I am dealing with the I’m alone, feeling lonely and looking to the rest of my life alone, after walking away from an emotionally destructive 20-year relationship. Facing life alone was better than staying in said relationship, the loneliness is more due to the fact I don’t know anybody in the city I had to move to. On the upside, your blog has reminded me I may be down but I’m not out, and this life storm will at some point blow itself out. I guess that’s why most people stay in emotionally destructive relationships because the fear of being alone or feeling isolated/lonely. However, you can always build yourself, alone opposed to being torn down with a partner/ by your partner. It’s no easy step and it’s more a leap of faith. I don’t regret it. thanks for this Blog, may it give courage to those that require it, hope to those that need it.

I’m sorry you’re going through a hard time, but it sounds like you’ve taken the right steps to get your life back. I hope that things work out for the best for you. There are many of us online you can reach out to, so please don’t ever feel alone. 🙂

This was a beautifully written piece that stands as a testament to how our darkest times can lead to hope, strength, and our willingness to re-engage life in a manner that leads to purpose. Thank you for your shared journey.

Thank you for sharing this honest yet encouraging piece. It resounds because it is real and comes from your own experience. You are brave, but what’s even more inspiring is your willingness to extend that bravery to others who may feel the same. I know it touched me.

It’s a little bit sad to know that so many people can relate to what I wrote in that post, but I tried not to make it all doom and gloom because people deserve better, I just want them to realise that.

Dear Sara, Your post may resonate with people in need over a long long time. Thank you for writing it. i am moved by it and made thoughtful. Sometimes ones relationships don’t fall into any easily defined category and it can be hard to figure out just what path needs to be followed. I’m at the signpost right now and will be reading and rereading what you have written. thank you for writing and posting. i hope you’ll follow my journey too at least for awhile.
Holly
Angel in the dust

I am reminded by a quote i heard many years ago, “A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are for.” ― William G.T. Shedd
Surround yourself by those who are able to give you the courage and education you need in different areas. This leads to a balanced life.
Life in moderation is not dull. Cheers and thanks for the wonderful post.

Excellent quote. I have only just learnt this myself and it is freeing to be able to let go of the bad so there is more room for the good. Balance is always been something I’ve been missing and feeling grounded is amazing. Thank you.

This was such a great post for me. It would have been much more helpful in 1996! Ha! Such great insights and positive tips! I’ve entered some of your phrases in my Word Bank as future seeds of inspiration for a poem by me.

Thanks for coming to visit me. I’m so glad to meet you. Please check out my “Thanks For Leaving Me”

Trust is irrelevant. The people we forgive will try to hurt us again because they do not know any better. It is not their fault. They actually have no idea of our experience, of the effect of their actions. If we want freedom, we have to claim responsibility for our side of the equation and forgive their side. I am doing this and it heals some old pains that just lingered until I finally got around to taking responsibility for my side of the equation. Thank you for this post ! http://wp.me/p1QwdP-1YL

I sware you read my life and wrote it out, Iv had a lot to come to turms with and let it go witch i have done, I don’t blame anyone any more for my life but life just dosn’t want to give me a break. Check out my new post and you will see what i mean.