Sunday, March 29, 2015

The Plan: So before Opera came home and before those wily "emotions" and "feelings" could took over my rational brain, I decided come up with a logically sound game plan for how to deal with Opera. The core components of this plan were as follows:

Do not initiate communication with her for the first two weeks that she is back. Let her adjust and catch up with her family.

When I do start communicating with her, I need to go slow and keep things casual and friendly (e.g. don't talk with her too frequently or for too long of a duration each time). Let it organically build back into something romantic. This will reduce any perceived pressure to quickly get serious or connect romantically; thereby keeping her (and me) from being scared off prematurely. Plus, I don't want to come off as desperate. Plus plus, I also don't want it all to come together too easily (people hate easy), there has to be some doubt and work to keep her interested.

Put off seeing her in person for at least a month, preferably longer. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to see her immediately. But because at this point we live far away from one another, our first time seeing each other will likely make or break the whole thing. No one is going to continue to put energy into a long distance relationship they are not feeling and first impressions (of first impressions after 1.5 years) are key. The longer it takes to meet in person, the more time she'll have to become normal and the more time I will have to win her over with my charm in low risk situations.

Basically the idea is that this initial rekindling stage of our relationship is a particularly delicate period and the downside of rushing into things is much greater than the upside of rushing things.

Make sense? Of course it does, it was made with the logical part of my brain.

What actually happened: Less than a week after touchdown back in the ole US of A, Opera totally unexpectedly pinged me on Gchat. And all of a sudden my heart was like, "Do I go crazy now? You know what? I'm just going to go ahead and declare a RED ALERT and start beating freaking crazy now"

So we chatted for a while, exchanging pleasantries, giving brief updates, and planning to talk over the phone the next night (her idea). And you know what, that whole time I couldn't stop smiling like a gosh darn fool. Like I literally realized I was smiling, gave myself a stern look in the mirror, told myself to keep my cool, and then instantly and involuntarily went back to smiling.

Next night, she gives me a call. Again my cardiovascular system goes on red alert as soon as I saw her name pop up on my phone. But unexpected things two things happened (or didn't happen. 1) After a few minutes of talking, I actually stopped being nervous. 2) It was never awkward. I was sure it was going to eventually get awkward or bumpy or something. Instead it felt like we were picking up right where we had left it almost 2 years ago. Super unexpected. Super awesome.

After a few hours of talking I was still worried it couldn't last and decided to wrap up the call before it could go south. Before we said goodnight though we scheduled another call for today (again her instigating). So today we talk for 4 hours and it was magical. We even started completing each other sandwiches. The only bad part was her complaining to me that three different guys had already asked her out. THREE! Shes been home less than 2 weeks! Who are these jokers? I laughed and joked it off over the phone, but my inner Darla was all like:

Needless to say, my plan is working perfectly muhaha. No really its going to crap. The rational part of my brain still wants me to stick to The Plan. The other part of my brain wants to go with whatever plan Opera seems to be executing. I guess we'll see who wins.

Ask me if I
have written her faithfully? Why yes, yes I have. Ask me if we have basically
given each other verbal promise rings? False, I sent her a real promise ring I
forged myself out of the purest pig iron.

Okay so no rings were exchanged. Actually the letters we've exchanged were mostly of the
friendly variety with a few romantic sprinkles thrown in for good measure. Like semi-vague plans have been made for stuff we are going to do together once she
gets home, but nothing definite.

How do I feel about her coming home?

Somewhere between this:

And this:

Like I am super excited, but also out of mind nervous. I don’t
know the best way to proceed.

Some of the thoughts currently racing through my head:

People are super weird when they get home from their
missions. Linguistically they can’t speak English straight, socially they can't interact with the opposite gender, spiritually they can be crazy strict, emotionally they are in who knows what state.

I don’t want to just start dating her right away, I
want her to experience the dating world/other guys before actually deciding on me. Does that make sense? I feel like she is ready to jump into a relationship with me, but who knows if she'll have second thoughts down the road if she does act so quickly? Although at the same time maybe I would be jealous if she does go out with other guys.

I likewise don't want to commit to her too quickly. Not saying I am afraid committing in general, I’m not one of those
guys that won’t commit. I just know people change, and its been almost 2 years. I was super into her before she left. I don't think I have ever had such a deep instant electric connection with anyone else. But I am afraid things have changed. Maybe our conversations will be awkward now, maybe I’m not attracted to her as much any more, maybe we are not equally yoked spiritually.

We live far apart and I am crazy busy at the moment. So I am incapable of
visiting her on a regular basis. So not sure how that is going to play out.

Sunday, March 1, 2015

This past Valentines day I once again gave thanks for being single and not having to come up with some fantastically romantic plan. Listening to some of my roommates and colleagues it seems like such a stress, and therefore not romantic at all. I've recently started thinking about GRAND GESTURES in general. I feel like girls have been conditioned to want these grand gestures from their men. These fantastical, elaborate, and costly experiences meticulously planned by the guy to show his true love or some BS like that. Shows like the Bachelor where every date is a grand affair or chick flicks like the The Notebook have set some ridiculous standards.

Although I have to admit I did think it was funny when he tells her "don't do me any favors (Oh Ryan, you get me every time *little girl giggles*). I also like their first date activity of laying in the middle of freaking the street. Screw holding a girl's door open for her on the first date, if you really want to make a girl fall for you just do insane, legitimately dangerous things. #ThingsILearnedFromWatchingTheNotebook

Another example from the real lifes:

First of all, if a man wants to take his wife on a surprise trip to Europe, great for them. What is stupid is videoing it and posting on Facebook and YouTube. Its like, are you doing this cuz you love your wife or because you want a million views and to brag about how good of a husband you are?

The worst part was the comments on Facebook, so many wives tagging their husbands saying "why can't you do this for me" or guys commenting that they wished they had the money to do the same. It was disgusting. This video is an extreme example, but just the practice of posting on Facebook every romantic thing your significant other does for you or you do for your significant other seems to cheapen it all (and no I'm not just a bitter single person, what does that have anything to do with it?).

Unless you do something this amazing, then you are obligated to share it with the whole world: