So, I’ve decided to start recording my daily successes/failures with regards to my binge eating. Even if it’s just for the sake of accountability towards myself. Like most people on here my binge eating has also been the result of extreme dieting and restricting. And even though I’ve read and have been told that recovering from binge eating won’t be possible for as long as I’m trying to lose weight and dieting; I kept trying. And I also kept failing.

With that in mind I took a few pretty big steps today…

After months of weighing myself every single morning I packed away my bathroom scale. The next couple of weeks aren’t about losing weight; they’re about recovery. And if recovery means gaining or maintaining my weight? Great. If it means losing some weight? Then that’s great too but I no longer want that number on the scale to rule my life.

Then I went into the kitchen and packed away my kitchen scale and measuring jug (my obsession with calories had gotten so out of hand that I can’t even pour a little bit of milk straight from the container into my oatmeal in the mornings; I first pour it into the measuring jug to make absolutely sure I know exactly how many calories I’m about to consume. I even weigh my fruit. And if the packet says a 100g serving of an apple comes down to 55 calories and my apple weighs 110g? I’d work out the calorie value so that it would be spot on).

I then packed away my Polar heart monitor chest band and watch. My obsession with the amount of calories I burn during my workouts have also gotten out of hand. So today when I did my Insanity workout I wasn’t thinking ‘you need to push harder to burn more calories’ and checking my Polar every 2 minutes. Instead, I focused and listened to my body, I pushed as hard as I could. And today’s workout was just that: a WORKOUT. Not some game for me to see how many calories I can burn.

I also unsubscribed from receiving emails from Calorie Count and various other health/weight loss sites. I’m pretty sure it won’t be beneficial for my recovery if I keep receiving emails about other people’s weight loss success stories and recipes for low calorie meals etc.

At first, when I thought about doing all of the above, it terrified me to say the least. But to be honest? I feel GREAT. I ate whatever I wanted today (which actually ended up being mostly healthy foods) but I ate when I was hungry (not at specific times as usual), I made sure I ate enough and I didn’t count one calorie. I did a workout which I really ENJOYED even though I don’t know how many calories I burned. To tell the truth; I don’t care what my calorie intake/expenditure was today. I don’t care at all. The numbers were anyway just messing with my head and it turned into a very unhealthy obsession. But the best part about today? I didn’t binge. I didn’t even have any urges to binge either!

I have a good feeling that by making these changes, shifting the focus from weight loss to recovery and implementing the steps from ‘Brain over Binge’ I might just be on the right path towards recovery. I’m SO thankful that I had a good day today. And I know the road ahead won’t be easy, and I’m sure that some days will be much harder than today turned out to be, but I have to keep trying. One day and one step at a time.

These are some pretty big steps in the right direction. I’m so happy for you! I also rarely weigh myself and stopped calorie counting, and have now accepted the idea of recovery first before weight loss.

You’ve already made the changes – we just need to let our bodies tell us when and how much to eat.

I’ve actually had quite a boring day (stayed at home and studied all day) which makes me even prouder of myself because I’m usually more likely to binge when I’m just around the house and don’t really have a lot to keep me busy.

I definitely think the decision to stop counting calories is one of the best I’ve ever made! It’s been SO nice to just eat normally again for the last two days without all those numbers floating around my head and driving me insane!

Thanks for the reply and support @drunkenteafight! And I completely agree, recovery first is a MUST!

KeepHoldingOn – I think you are right, by not counting calories and dieting it will stop the binging. I have an eating disorder and while I am in hospital getting treated, I eat whatever they give me, my urges to binge are reducing alot, I have been binge free for 18 days, and my health has improved alot and that is obvisiously due to not restricting the food groups. 3 weeks ago my heart rate was around 35-45 bpm, but today it is sitting around 60-70bpm – and the dietitian has said my heart was malnourished and by eating properly my heart rate and blood pressure has picked up. Today more than ever I have ome to realize it is important to eat and not be restrictive on the foods we eat everyday

I’ve managed 6 consecutive binge free days this time round. Which is more than I’ve had in months. And I was doing so well. It was getting to that point where I didn’t even have any urges to binge. But then on Sunday, in a moment of weakness, I caved and binged. And not sure whether I’m the only one but a binge for me usually doesn’t only last for one day. Needless to say, I’ve now been bingeing for the last 3 days. So, its back to square one for me. Again. And I’m getting SO sick and tired of always landing up back at square one. I just honeslty don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve stopped counting calories and ‘dieting’, I’ve legalized all foods and allowed myself to have them in moderation, I eat enough and regularly, I’m not working out as much anymore, I’ve read Brain over Binge…I just wish I knew what else to do because I honestly cannot go on like this. This ED is slowly but surely ruining my life. I’m staying with my aunt (who’s like a second mom to me) for the next month and I know I should probably tell her about my problem and ask them to hide whatever junk food they buy but how does one go about telling people about this? I know she’ll be supportive but its too embarrassing and I don’t think I’d be able to tell her. After I first started losing weight her and my cousin both looked up to me so much and actually both lost a bunch of weight themselves. How do I now tell her that my ‘diet’ (too severe calorie restriction and working out) which made me lose 55 lbs in a few months has actually caused an eating disorder? At the moment I’m still lucky because I’m not gaining any weight (or rather, I am, but I usually lose it after a binge when I work out again and eat cleaner for a few days) so they haven’t noticed. I love my family like crazy and I love being here but I actually cannot wait to go back to University where I have control over what food I have in my room etc. I’ll usually stay here for as long as I possibly can and I HATE this disorder for changing that.

2nd day binge free! I must say, whoever it was that suggested to rather set smaller attainable goals instead of just saying to yourself “that was the last time; I’m never bingeing again” was quite right! I’ve been using that mentality for the last 2 days and it really seems to work! So I just take it one step at a time now. One meal and one day at a time. It might just all be in the head but it seems a lot more doable this way!

In other news, any Wimbledon fans on here? The Nadal game just now? I can’t even. And that after Sharapova also gave me a mini heart attack earlier today. Atleast she still managed to turn it around.

great job! i know, the mentality of never binging again does not work. I also admire that you stopped the calorie counting and weighing so cold turkey:) keep going girl, every hour, every day not binged is a celebration!

Binge free day 6 was a success today! Almost a week and I’m feeling really great and strong! On my last binge-free stretch I ended up bingeing on the 6th day so I’m really proud of myself for already going further than last time. Progress

@pampita: thanks! At first it was very hard to just stop counting! I had to sometimes actually force myself to stop but it’s getting better and easier

Good job keepholdingon! Today’s successful binge free day five for me, so I hope tomorrow is day six like you! I’m glad you stopped calorie counting, I think it will really help long term! Less stressful/work too!

Thank you Isa! And keep up the good work! It gets easier with every binge-free day that passes!

So I had a dream that I binged last night. I know, very weird. Not quite sure what happened or what led up to it but all I know is that I had a mega binge on granola bars, dark chocolate and chocolate covered shortbread balls! It felt so real it’s scary. I even experienced those feelings of guilt, disappointment etc. Needless to say that I can’t even begin to describe how relieved I was to wake up this morning and realize it was just a dream! But I honestly don’t know what to make of the dream. Maybe I had a sub-conscious urge to binge and it was satisfied in my dream? Haha that probably makes no sense but I guess it doesn’t really matter. Guess the only important thing is that I woke up without any urges, haven’t had any so far today and I can feel that I’m getting stronger every day.

But day 7 is going very well so far! Woke up this morning and had oatmeal with 1/2 frozen banana, tsp peanut butter and a bit of skim milk for breakfast and then went for 4.5 mile run in beautiful misty and cool weather. Lifted some weights afterwards and had a whey protein shake. Now it’s almost lunch time so after fixing myself something to eat I’m going to be doing as little as possible for the rest of the day. The only thing I ‘plan’ on doing is making a success of day 7. Oh the joys of varsity breaks!

I’ve totally had those dreams before too! They freak me out so much! And you’re right- all the feelings of shame and guilt are there, but then you wake up and you’re like ‘oh, thank god!’. Anyway, good luck for day 7!

I unfortunately slipped up yesterday on my 7th binge free day and have been bingeing for the last 2 days

I’m trying really hard not to be too hard on myself but that’s easier said than done. I’m also trying to rather see this as progress. On my previous binge free stretch I slipped up on the 6th day and my binge lasted for 3 days. And this time I slipped up on the 7th day and my binge (hopefully) will only last these 2 days. So I guess that’s something to be happy about: my binge free periods are getting longer and my actual binges shorter. So I guess in the midst of all of this that is something to be happy about. But I can’t help feeling extremely tired, I just want all of this to end. Food literally consumed my every thought today. At first it was the fight against the urge to binge this morning (which is usually VERY strong after a binge day) and then when I finally caved the rest of the day was all about try to figure out what I could binge on next. Can it really be that hard to wake up every day and eat when you’re hungry, not too much but just enough etc? It sounds so simple but yet I just cannot get it right.

Keepholdingon it’s ok! Progress takes time. Think, let’s make it two binged days and not two binge weeks. What did you binge one. Try and see if you have trigger. Foods that start a binge, and keep water handy for the next few days.