“He’s out here with me! I need back up!” shouts Mortimer at the door to the vault.

On the other side of the door, a man checks the monitor and recognizes the security officer uniform. He nods in what he hopes is a badass way to his boss, who nods back before shouting back to our villain, “We got you covered!” He motions to two men in bullet resistant vests to leave the room, but when they open the door, three grenades attached to strings roll in past their feet.

“If any of you leave the room, I’ll blow you all to pieces,” calls Mortimer.

“Why would you do that?” asks the commander. “You’re on our side. The bad guy is out there.”

“Don’t you understand? I am Mortimer Hex,” explains Mortimer Hex.

“Who?”

“I’m the bad guy.”

After a moment of thought, the commander exclaims, “Get him!”

“No! I’ll blow you all up! If you just–”

But the security personnel have stopped listening, and are moving for the door again, so Mortimer dives for the bottom and slams it shut before yanking on the string and detonating the three grenades.

This is part 30 of Vile, a novel in progress. If you don’t get it, that might be because you haven’t read the beginning.