A REPORT FROM THE PHANTOM ZONE

Is this art I'm seeing excellent or awful? In an ongoing quest to develop a system to quantify responses to art, Professor Steve Aishman has developed a new theory, Aesthetic Quantum Ontology, which intersects aesthetics with quantum mechanics. Though I was initially skeptical, after reading his notes, I was convinced of its possibilities (since he was out of lunch money, I had to take his homework instead.) - Ed.