Dari jam 5 petang hingga jam 7 petang, that feeling came again. Perasaan yang sama yang Farahin rasa dari dua zaman tu. Perasaan "kenapa aku selalu kena tinggal?". Without roommates, I knew I was actually an empty soul. Mungkin adanya roommates pun actually it was just like a temporary satisfaction. Farahin bersendirian all the times. I approached some friends but I just not feeling fit in. Everyone seemed very far away. The circle was broken.

Ada seorang kawan ni cuba ajak gurau dengan Farahin. Dia tetiba cabut nametag Farahin, kononnya tengah main runningman tu. I was actually surprised. But my mood that moment just not right. And it was just that. She went back to her circle and I was left alone. I learned the same thing again. The same thing yang asyik menghantui Farahin sepanjang 22 tahun ini. Cuma Farahin je buat-buat tak tahu.

This world is cruel. It is all game. Sometimes there are competitions and no one give a damn about someone get hurt and losing. Having laughs and random talks, they called it as socializing. Yet it also one of the way for being very ignorant in a cold way. Somehow, Farahin rasa macam mangsa keadaan. And that strong hate yang dulunya memutuskan pertalian Farahin dari dunia ni menghasut lagi.

GENTLE REMINDER #4 : I appreciates either bad or good, from smallest to the biggest things that happened to me.

Memori Farahin berbalik ke muka satu, zaman kanak2 Farahin where that hate started growing. Bila anak2 jiran yang Farahin kawan dan selalu main sama2 suddenly, push me away for no reason. It wasn't happened for once. Bagi orang lain, mungkin it was just pahit manis kehidupan. But that memory, that kind of moment, gave me a kind of trauma and many misconceptions about this circle.

Fortunately, Farahin tak spent my whole 22 years with the only hate. How very fortunate me, half of those years, someone approached me and offered a friendship. A very true friendship. Inshaallah. It is sad. It is disappointed. Kenapa tak semua orang ada sedikit nilai2 yang tak terharga yang ada pada seorang kawan itu? Somehow, Farahin tertanya-tanya, are they really into friendship??

GENTLE REMINDER #5 : I loves to talk to my mind and understand by my heart.

Mungkin sebab personaliti Farahin. Muka Farahin yang kalau masa budak2 dulu ramai dekat sekolah cap Farahin sombong dan seumpamanya. Mungkin sebab Farahin yang typically known as mulut emas, pendiam, tak bergaul. Yet I am actually just a normal introvert. Mungkin sebab Farahin yang mudah serius dan sensitif dengan perkara2 kecil. Not saying I am cerewet or perfectionist, I am just obsessed to learn and understand others. Not just people, but also the norms and natures. Bukan Farahin cari salah sesiapa. I am just wondering. Having a deep sincere talk to myself since not everyone could do so to me. Tapi kadang2 tu, it did very frustrated.

Farahin tak mudah rasa sunyi. I know very well how to entertain myself. Tapi Farahin rasa sunyi bila this one activity yang semua orang panggil socializing, yet sometimes I felt very unfamiliar to it. Very dark. Very cruel. And somehow, it's dirty. Masa2 macam ni lah, dengan pemikiran yang negatif macam ni lah, I will miss this one person called true friends dan rasa sangat tersentuh hati. Ajaibnya kejadian ciptaan Allah SWT. Hebatnya aturan ketentuanNya. Just how many more backs that I have to see, wth this twisted me, I have that one person that could be a very close synonym to "sibling".