Best and Top 10 Halloween Humors

Chiseling with Fear

Halloween Humors guys were walking home after a Halloween celebration and decided to take a shortcut via the cemetery only for laughs. proper in the middle of the cemetery, they have been startled through a faucet-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

Halloween Humors

Trembling with worry, they observed an vintage guy with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

“Holy cow, Mister,” one in every of them said after catching his breath. “You scared us 1/2 to demise — we idea you have been a ghost! What are you doing running here so late at night?”

“My family are such fools!” the antique guy grumbled. “They misspelled my name and here I should correct it!”

Halloween Humors

A Cabbie & A Nun

Halloween Humors

A cabbie selections up a nun. She receives into the cab, and the cab driver may not prevent gazing her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, “i’ve a question to ask you but I don’t need to offend you. She solutions, ‘My expensive son, you can’t offend me. whilst you’re as antique as i am and had been a nun an extended as i have, you get a danger to look and listen just about everything. i’m sure that there is nothing you may say or ask that i would find offensive.” “nicely, i have constantly had a myth to have a nun kiss me.” She responds, “well, let’s see what we will do approximately that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you should be Catholic.”

Halloween Humors The cab motive force is very excited and says, “sure, i’m single and i’m Catholic too!” The nun says “good enough, pull into the following alley.” He does and the nun fulfills his fable. but once they get again on the street, the cab motive force starts crying. “My expensive baby, stated the nun, why are you crying?” “Forgive me sister, but i’ve sinned. I lied, I must confess, i’m married and i’m Jewish.” The nun says, “this is adequate, i am on my manner to a Halloween celebration my outfit is just an antique habit.”

Halloween Humors

Two Nuns and a Mini Dracula

Halloween Humors

two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are journeying through Europe of their automobile, sightseeing in Transylvania. As they’re stopped at a site visitors light, out of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the auto and hisses at them via the windshield.

Sister Mary Agnes switches at the wipers, which knock the mini-Dracula round. but, he hangs on and maintains hissing at the nuns. “What shall I do now?” she shouts. Halloween Humors

“strive the windshield washing machine. I crammed it with holy water before we left the Vatican,” replies Sister Mary Vincent.

Sister Mary Agnes activates the windshield washer. The vampire screams because the water burns his skin, but he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns.

“Now what?” shouts Sister Mary Agnes.

“show him your cross,” says Sister Mary Vincent.

“Now you are speakme,” says Sister Mary Agnes. She then opens the window and shouts, “Get the hell off our car!”

Halloween Humors

Just in case you have forgotten the rules for a safe and Happy Halloween!

Halloween Humors

1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it’s really dead.

2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

Halloween Humors

3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out. Halloween Humors 4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else’s voice. Halloween Humors 5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go it alone.

6. As a general rule, don’t solve puzzles that open portals to Hell. Halloween Humors

Halloween Humors 7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.

8. If you’re searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it’s just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!

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9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits; just get out!

10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there’s probably a good reason for it. Don’t stop and look around. Halloween Humors 12. Don’t fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you’re sure you know what you’re doing.

13. If you’re running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it’s still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

Halloween Humors

14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.

15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you’re in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine. Halloween Humors 16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange because you thought you had 3/4 of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.

Halloween Humors

17. Beware of strangers bearing strange tools. For example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions. Halloween Humors 18. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house.

19. If you find that: a. your house is built upon or near a cemetery, b. was once a church that was used for black masses, c. had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or d. had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house, MOVE AWAY Immediately

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20. Don’t fool with recombination DNA technology unless you’re sure you know what you are doing.