Financial Abuse

gabzgrl

Well-known member

I realize now why my father wanted me to think of $20 as a lot of money. I don't think he ever valued me as a human being. I was always this other, this thing, this object. When I was fourteen I had my first boyfriend Patrick, he seemed sweet. Most of my memory of him has been erased though. I was sent to Ohio to a boarding school at fourteen even though I wanted to stay in my home town and go to high school with all my friends. I saw it as a new adventure. Then I became depressed because things just weren't working out and I was unhappy there. Instead of understanding me, my entire life was rejected. I was labelled with paranoid schizophrenia after being coerced and forced repeated hospitalizations where I was overdosed and drugged against my will. I was abused, and I thought I was being tortured. After being isolated for hours on end and treated like my self-worth meant nothing, and that I was meant to cooperate and conform to some kind of sadistic scripted prescription of bullshit, I was then sent to a Catholic high school. I'm beginning to wonder why I couldn't just fucking go to high school in my home town. I was popular, had friends, and a boyfriend.

So now I'm living at my parent's house. My mother is in a step-down unit. My father is controlling both my mother and I financially. He's trying to divorce her and sell the house from under her in the mean time. He moved out and won't tell me where he moved, and blames it on me. But won't say why. He just wants his privacy or for his own health. I don't understand how abandoning your family or controlling your daughter is good for your mental health. If I wanted anything from my father it was encouragement, acceptance, support or guidance. Any sort of helpful guidance or effort to help me find a job or get out of financial dependence, but to him it's just a comfortable excuse to abuse me.

Everyone walks around treating me like I'm some ungrateful child. My diagnosis was changed from schizophrenic to bipolar to adhd to anxiety with no idea of why. I'm just drugged up for no reason. I'm hated for who I am, or how I think, or how I feel. I feel oppressed, restricted, unhappy, trapped, a prisoner. I've lived in WV for sixteen years and can't seem to escape. I want to get out and when I tried to move out I ended up staying with a drug addict. People who I tried to get help or advice from ended up stealing from me or dehumanizing me. They make it seem easy to just get a job and escape a situation where you are financially abused. I spent $55 on clothes for myself, and I'm told I shouldn't "spend all my money" and I'm barely eating because I never have enough food. I was denied food stamps and I am getting no resources or help from anyone. I'm confused and suicidal.

This situation is making me feel helpless. But instead of helping me, I'm treated with hatred and bitterness. Enablers of the abuse encourage me to find a job, without actually offering meaningful direction. My dad had stocks etc. and made over 200k a year, however he can't afford to help me by offering me any sort of direction or advice towards independence. In fact, he's still claiming me as his dependent even though I'm living alone, and he considers giving me a living allowance as if that's an income. It's not a living wage. I can't survive like that. This whole entire system is corrupt. I'm tired of being oppressed and worrying every single god damn fucking day why I'm broken, can't afford to pay insurance or anything. No one ever taught me how to manage bills or offered classes to help me. I was kicked out of school when I was fifteen, and I never got better because the system itself abused me and further broke me down.

I was the only one who helped me recover. But this is seen as mental health helping? Mental health has destroyed me. Money has enslaved me to other people. When will I have rights or a way out other than suicide? Is there any future for me? No wonder my mom went crazy and felt she had no one left. No I'm starting to wonder if this is even a mental health issue, or it's just my dad. Domestic and financial abuse. Because I can't believe that anything he says is true. He's a liar. He said he was going bankrupt. Slapped me across the face and said It was my fault and that I made him want to kill himself, and I was making him insane because he came to the house HE NO LONGER IS LIVING IN, and sees that I smoked a cigarette inside. He slaps me so hard I fall to the ground. The last time he assaulted me I went to a shelter, and shortly later my dad hired a lawyer and ended up in a weird legal situation. Because it was my dad's lawyer and no one shared any information with me. I wasn't even sure if he was my lawyer at all. Because I ended up thrown in jail without probable cause.

I also started thinking, what if my dad is just murdering people who support me so that I have no way out. I told him over the phone that I was scared because he won't tell me where he lives, and he diverted it back toward me with blame and bitter silence.

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