Mother’s Day this year was … bittersweet. I told Nathan I didn’t want to do anything special to celebrate but he refused to let me stay in bed and mope. “You’re still Topher’s mommy,” he said. “It’s his day to honour you.”

Topher’s favourite Diego episode of late has been the Bobo’s Mother’s Day – so this year he actually got it, if you know what I mean. He knew Mother’s Day was a special day for mommy, and when Nathan got him out of his crib in the morning he made a beeline for our room and crawled into bed with me to give me a Mother’s Day hug. “HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY, MOMMY!”

Nathan took him shopping the day before and Topher picked out a “special Mother’s Day gift” (as he called it – thanks, Diego!) all on his own: A Winnie the Pooh letter H.

I think it’s perfect – and hilarious! – that Topher would pick that out. He’s obsessed with letters these days … he can actually identify a handful of letters on his own (X, O, K, D, C, T, I, N, M, H, A, B) and will read his books to Chloe, saying “Look Chloe, there’s an X!” or “Where’s the T? Oh, there it is!” (Though “there it is” is pronounced more like “There did is!” and is always shouted …) He knows that H is for Holly – so that makes it extra special.

He also planted five marigolds and painted a flower pot at his Thursday/Friday dayhome and made a card with his handprints. I love things like that – I’ll totally be happy if he paints me a picture for Mother’s Day when he’s 25!

The day was pretty full with a meeting at church (which Topher and I tried to attend, but had to leave because someone kept yelling things like “BABY! See the baby, Mommy? Baby sleeping! BABY! Touch it?” while Adam and Shandy were trying to talk (Shandy was rocking their son in his carseat).

I keep telling myself that it’s good that Topher loves babies so much – but now that I’m not so sure I want to have another, I don’t know.

We had a picnic in the park for dinner:

Topher started to get a cold on Sunday morning so he looks a little loopy but he was sitting relatively still at that point – and when it comes to pictures of me and Topher, I take what I can get :)

Thanks for the sweet comments/e-mails re: my last post – you guys are the best! I really appreciate your support/encouragement and wish I could hug every single one of you! I’m doing better – I’m back at work now, and things are starting to get back to “normal” – but I think it’s going to take awhile for me to sort things out in my head. I know it’s not my fault – that there’s nothing I could have done – but I can’t help trying to figure out why it happened. And I can’t help being terrified to try again.