5 ways to beat a midlife crisis and be happy

Ever since Canadian psychoanalyst Elliot Jacques coined the term 'midlife crisis' in 1965, it has been an endless source of jokes and stereotypes: from the man trading in his reliable Volkswagen for a Ferrari – and/or dependable wife for a younger model – to the woman heading to sunnier climes and running off with a waiter, Shirley Valentine style.

Of course, the stereotypes have evolved over the years. The modern man in crisis is just as likely to squeeze his middle-aged spread into head-to-toe lycra and start entering Iron Man contests – while women are going even farther afield these days, to 'discover themselves' (a.k.a. sitting on a rock in yoga pants, gazing wistfully out to sea).

But clichés aside, this idea of a midpoint crossroads is as real and relevant now as ever. So why does it happen and what can we do about it?

Why the midlife malaise?

In other words, life satisfaction starts off well in our 20s then declines with age for the first couple of decades of adulthood, bottoms out somewhere in the 40s or early 50s, and then increases with age – often reaching a higher level than in young adulthood. This pattern came to be known as the happiness U-curve (think of it as an upturned smile).

So although this backs up the idea those middle years are a serious low point, the good news is the best is yet to come. It seems life really does begin at 40 – and far from old age being a steady descent into misery, it's an upward trajectory to true happiness and fulfilment.

So, with such a sunny outlook, why are so many of us still floundering in our 40s and 50s?

Women's mid-life crisis

From feeling a failure because we didn't achieve all the goals set by our younger selves to the guilty feeling we haven't 'given' enough back to society, middle age is a notorious time for reflecting on what we have or haven't achieved with our lives – with a tendency towards regret.

But it's also a time of looking forward and fearing what lies ahead – and with ageism still coming at women from every direction (Hollywood, the beauty industry, fashion magazines and the workplace), it's not surprising we're daunted.

For mothers, this can be an especially tricky time. Whether our children have just started school or are fleeing the nest to go to university, those round-the-clock hands-on parenting days are over. That longed for freedom and independence can feel pretty lonely once it arrives – but we should see this as a great opportunity.

The next chapter of your life

'Beginnings start with endings,' says Jessica Chivers, an author and coaching psychologist who works with women in career transition.

'You can only do something new when you let go of something – it's a case of looking at change as a positive thing: what does it allow me to do next?'

She reminds us that we are the authors of our own destiny: 'See yourself like a book: this chapter is coming to an end and I have the freedom to choose how the next chapter starts.'

Just as characters come in and out of focus in a novel, so can our different roles, she explains: 'You're not closing the door on being a mother, for example, it's just that you're highlighting something else.'

With that in mind, here are just a few ideas for making sure your next chapter is a good one...

5 ways to make the most of your 'freedom years'

1. Go back to school

Far from our brains turning to mush as we get older, research suggests midlife could be a great time to exercise the old grey matter. And going back to college or university – whether it's to expand your mind with something academic or retrain for a new career direction – is easier than ever thanks to the growing number of part-time online distance-learning courses.

Alternatively, why not learn a completely new skill or reignite an old interest with an evening course? It's never too late to learn a foreign language or a musical instrument or become a master potter – or take a creative writing course to help you finally get that novel written.

2. Give something back

'When my friend died of breast cancer at the age of 40, I was heartbroken. But it also made me think for the first time about mortality,' says Louise, 41. 'I found myself looking back on my life and thinking, "If I was to go tomorrow, what positive effect would I have had on the world?"

The desire to give something back to the world is a common reaction to years spent thinking about our own needs and desires – particularly when mortality rears its head.

3. Meditate

If this midway life point is a time for looking back, often with regret, and reflecting on what we've failed to achieve with our lives, as well as looking forward with fear and anxiety about the future (read: getting old), the present is our best hope of escape.

To learn how to spend less time mired in regret and worry – and more time appreciating the present moment, try a mindfulness meditation course.

You don't need to be into yoga and crystal healing. Although the principles are taken from ancient Buddhist philosophies, this is simple evidence-backed brain science and totally secular.

4. Have an affair (with your partner)

While you might be harbouring fantasies about the hot young barista who serves you your morning latte (and gets more than your semi-skimmed hot and steamy) the reality would be unlikely to live up to the fantasy – and very likely to end in tears.

But there's no need to wave goodbye to your libido just yet. The passion ignited in our 20s is often extinguished by kids or increased work responsibilities during our 30s.

So, as early years parenting pressures ease off and the climb up the career ladder shifts gear, now is a good time to stoke the embers and relight that fire – with your partner, that is.

5. Have a mid-life gap year (or month!)

Heading overseas to deal with a 'midlife crisis' doesn't have to involve leaving your husband and walking 5,000 miles with no shoes on to exorcise the demons of your past life – or following a less-travelled path to enlightenment and running away with another woman.

It can be as simple as booking a month off work with your other half (or not) and having a damn good time.

The point is travelling the world can be a practical impossibility when you're financially struggling at the bottom rung of the career ladder, or you've got a family in tow.

With more freedom at your fingertips, now is the perfect time to get away from it all – whether your fantasy is Bali, Beijing or Benidorm.