A story of a 37 year old woman named Alex, working through the trials of infertility, and now raising a little Alex...

Monday, May 24, 2010

Numbers

I’m not bleeding. The numbers are still rising. There is a sac. I’m trying to come up with the positive points. Because my hcg isn’t good. It’s at 3,235 today. For the first time, the nurse is not positive. She sounded very guarded. She said it should still be rising at least 60% each 48 hours, even over 1,200, and considering that 4 days ago, it was at 1,525, and it was 96 hours until my next test, she said I should be at a minimum 3,900. And I’m at 3,235. Now I’m supposed to “wait and see.” I have another blood test and ultrasound on Thursday. She said it might turn around, that things may work out, but she didn’t seem positive at all. She sounded like she was trying to be nice, but definitely didn’t want me to get my hopes up.

Oh God – I just got an email from the Hubs in response to my email explaining what the nurse said. His response was “Can’t they do something?” This just breaks my heart – there’s nothing they can do. Now I’m losing it at work… Must pull my shit together to make that walk out the door.

babe - sending you HUGE hugs. i'm not giving up on you yet! i'm convinced that there was a vanishing twin, bc your beta numbers were so high to begin with. i'm having de ja vu bc this happened with a girlfriend on babycenter. her numbers weren't even doubling towards the 3-5th betas, but all ended up FINE. she's 13 weeks preggers now. please try to stay calm. when is the next beta/ultrasound?

i'm sooo sorry that you have to deal with this $hit. go home and pamper yourself. is that possible? xoxo

I wish I could come hug you and cry with you until Thursday! I hate losing it at work. I did that last week and it sucks. And I hate the words "wait and see." Just remember, we're all waiting to see with you. You're not alone.

Oh Alex, NO!!!!!! I am so sorry you have to go through this. It should just be a normal embryo at this point, if the universe were at all fair. I'm not saying I think it won't make it, who knows? But I am just so sorry you have to be mentally prepared for the possibility of otherwise... HUGE HUGS to you.

This is horrible that your nurse put you through this. Your HCG is just fine. I understand that you're nervous but remember, after you can see things on the u/s (and they look as they should) that's more important than the HCG.

There really isn't ever any sense of security in this pregnancy-after-IF game is there? Danger and heartbreak always feel like they're a mere breath away. The uncertainty and worry is cruel and unusual. :( I am so sorry that you're going through this, Alex. My big heartfelt hope is that everything is a-okay in there, that your next appointment makes your nurse eat her less-than-enthusiastic words, that you and the hubs find some measure of peace in this chaos. Thinking of you, girl.

Sweetie I can imagine how dreadful this news is for you. But may I suggest a possible explanation? What if you started the pregnancy as twin pregnancy and one reabsorbed? the beta may just be adjusting. You saw a sac which is the most important thing, many clinics won't want to to repeat betas because they could be stunning, doubling perfectly and still means nothing at all. We both just have to hope that our little pea will show a heartbeat the next time. You are in my thughts and prayers. Fran

I am so sorry things are so complicated... I read this only now and my heart goes out to you. I hope that on thursday you will see a little heartbeat and that all will look just like it should look... I know it's hard but try to keep the faith sweetie and vent as much as you need! You are in my prayers.. sending you a big HUG!

Love and positive thoughts for you. I'm sorry this is complicated and horrified at how the nurse is acting. I'm very very hopeful that the Beta is jiggering itself and you'll have the heartbeat soooon! Hang in there! xo

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I don't know how you've been able to handle going to work. My gosh, I am still hoping so much that you just have slightly abnormal hCG, but a perfectly normal pregnancy. I hope you and the husband do okay in this wait for Thursday.

HUGS, HUGS, HUGS! I can't believe the nurse was not more supportive. You had such high numbers to begin with, this really could be a case of losing a twin, with the other baby rising normally. Sending lots of positive thoughts your way that the next u/s and blood draw go well.

About Me

I always wanted to be called Alex, and nobody listened to me. I dreamed of the day when I would have my own daughter to call my own, and I would call her Alex. My dream has come true...
Feel free to email me at adventuresofalex @ gmail . com

8/10 - Received diagnosis of compound heterozygous MTHFR mutation - one C677T and one A1298C mutation. Researching implications. Add Folgard 2.2 2x per day and baby aspirin - for the rest of my life...