‘Naming the problem so we can fix it’ or ‘shaming and blaming?’

I had a conversation with Scott Meech at Edubloggercon this year in which we discussed the fine line between ‘naming the problem so we can solve it’ and ‘shaming and blaming.’ For example, suppose I say, “Most of the administrators in your district don’t know what to do to create learning environments that prepare kids for a digital, global world.’ Is that ‘naming the problem so we can solve it?’ Yes, absolutely. But depending on how sensitive you and/or those administrators are, it may also/instead feel like ‘shaming and blaming.’

We don’t want to unnecessarily offend anyone. But should we care more about people’s feelings or reforming the system? [Is this a false choice? I don’t think so since perspective and individual sensitivity are key here; no matter how blandly we may try and phrase something, someone’s still likely to be upset with us.]