general Mental Health questions

hi i got my colone removed 4 years ago, then had an herna operation, since thry cot in to my muscle ive been in chronic pain, ive been told that there is nothing they can do , ive put on 4 stone due to the steroids and other meds im on and i have to now self cathoritise as my bladder doesnt work properly, my body is constantly run down, now i cant look at myself in the mirror because of the way i look, im not leaving the house i mostly lie in bed and constantly cry, im now feeling panick at the thought of leaving the house as people will see me. i just dont know what to do anymore

Ok - this is one of my bug bears. "There's nothing they can do." What they should be saying is: "with my experience, there's nothing they can do, however lets find someone that CAN help."

All pain is a subjective experience, a perception in the mind. As such it can be controlled (switched off or on) and regulated (turning the dial). All pain is real - it is a signal to pay attention to something.

Someone who is experienced in working with pain can definitely help you. Look to a suitably experienced hypnotherapist, psychologist, or even your local pain management team through your GP. That pain CAN be managed.

Get some psych help too in order to come to terms with what's happened and redirect your attention. At the moment I guess you are thinking about all the bad, everything that used to be, everything you used to be able to do, everything you can't do. What would happen if instead you accepted, let things go, and started thinking of everything that you CAN do, that you will be able to do, and start looking to the good?

You can seek this help privately or through your GP referral system. Get out there and get help, take action, there's lots that can be done.

You certainly sound as though you've been through the mill - no wonder you're feeling run down and miserable.

I think there are a few things you need to tackle here:

1. Your weight gain is obviously affecting your self-esteem, so it would be a good start if you could shed a few pounds; rather than sticking to a strict diet, I suggest you focus on eating well, so that you not only lose weight, but build up your strength; aim to eat plenty of protein foods such as fish, chicken, lean meat and eggs, as well as plenty of fruit and vegetables, whole grains (e.g. wholemeal bread, porridge, brown rice and pasta), plain yogurt, nuts and seeds. If you fill up on these foods you should find that you stay full for longer and you should start losing weight. If you crave sugar, have a few squares of 70 per cent cocoa dark chocolate, or some dried fruit.

2. Make sure that you're looking after your skin and hair with regular cleansing/moisturising, shampooing and conditioning. You might consider a new hairstyle and buying some new make-up as well. When you feel that you are looking better, you'll feel more confident about eventually facing the world.

3. As you can't face going out at the moment you're probably feeling very isolated. You don't say whether you are in contact with your friends and family; if they can't come to see you, perhaps you could stay in touch by phone/email/Skype?

4. Try taking up some hobbies that help you to focus on the present - such as knitting, sewing, painting, cooking, or perhaps reading - these will take your mind off your problems and help you to relax.

5. Ask your GP if you could be referred for cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT); this will help you to view your life more positively - not easy I know, given your circumstances - and hopefully help you to beat the cycle of negative thinking and depression.

I know it must be really hard for you but if you tell yourself you CAN find a way out - you will.

On reflection, in my original response I was so focussed on helping you overcome your low self-esteem and improve your self-image that I neglected to tackle the underlying cause of your weight gain and depression – the chronic pain you constantly endure.

I agree with Gary, just because the medical professionals you’ve seen about your chronic pain say they can’t do anything, that doesn’t mean that you can’t be helped by someone else.

You don’t say in your post whether or not you’re taking painkillers – but it sounds as though even if you are, they aren’t helping much.

You mustn’t give up and simply put up with the pain; please go back to your GP and ask if you can be referred to your nearest pain clinic; there are around 300 in the UK, usually within hospitals, so there will be one near you. The staff working in these clinics usually come from various medical backgrounds – ranging from doctors and nurses to occupational therapists, psychologists, and physiotherapists; as a result they offer a wide range of treatments for long term pain - as well as painkilling drugs and injections many provide hypnotherapy and acupuncture; acupuncture has been shown to help various types of chronic pain – including muscle pain; if you’ve tried various painkillers and they haven’t helped I think it’s well worth asking if you can have a course of acupuncture treatment - either through your GP surgery or via a pain clinic.You may also find the British Pain Society’s website helpful – http://www.britishpainsociety.org This website provides general information about pain, including a list of self-help groups and various free downloadable booklets.

I hope this information helps you to find long-term relief from your pain.