I’ve learned two things about prison life. First, never let them see you sweat. Cons love victims. Second, never make eye contact because the only thing worse than being seen as a victim is to be seen as an aggressor. Prison life is full of oxymorons, lose-lose situations. Under the circumstances, I’ve been lucky. IRead more…

“You got what you wanted. Now leave me a-lone.” I fired the words through clenched teeth, banged the phone into its cradle. It was a childish game, especially at the office. I smiled grimly. What I really needed was a button man. It was all Catherine’s fault-happy hour at a Holiday Inn. She wheedled meRead more…

Last night I heard the foreign lady next door screaming again. Her husband is a drunk who beats her. He’s got a funny accent, and she does too. A lot of these foreigners smell funny, and they have these funny accents. Those two are no exception. You know, I want to help the poor woman.Read more…

Remard One of the courtiers asked me today when I first knew that I loved the Huntress. I shook my head and span a very pretty yarn about how love does not come in a blinding flash accompanied by a thunderclap, but grows gradually over time. It was a good speech, well constructed and wellRead more…

Mara Beth was in charge then and her power came from Aunt Abilene. Abilene was everyone’s “aunt”, but it didn’t mean there were blood ties. She ran the place, a sort of half ways attempt on her part. By making Mara Beth her proxy, she could fade into the backdrop. Abilene was less than aRead more…

It’s like a new car or a girlfriend. You know how sometimes you really want something, and you want it so bad, you know your life will finally be complete once you get it? Well, that’s how much I’ve always wanted a Samurai sword. Blame it on Akira Kurosawa or Tom Cruise, but I’ve justRead more…

I was desperate. I had always boasted it could never happen to me, but now it had. I was lost. I didn’t have the slightest idea where I was or how to get back to civilization. I had wanted to get away from stress at work and I had wanted to find out whether IRead more…

When I heard my diagnosis, the floor bucked twice. “But I never felt better,” I complained. “Except for this pain in my gut.” “I’m sorry, Daniel,” said jolly Dr. John. “The scan’s clear: your cancer has spread to your liver.” Jolly John knew about my solo show at Fred’s–after fifteen years of me slaving andRead more…