I’m not a guitar but I play one in a band –or– giving Elmo a couple of test tickles

Advertisers have balls the size of chimpanzees’. This doesn’t mean they have small balls even though chimps are smaller than humans. Chimps have extremely large testicles. Much bigger than human testicles. That’s why they beat each other to death and eat each other’s babies even more than humans do. It’s a little known fact that testicles are poisonous and evil. Feminists have discovered this but don’t know how to market the information correctly so hardly anyone knows it.

Advertisers have more in common with chimps. They have big balls and they are stupid, shit slinging throwbacks fresh outta the trees of Olduvai.

A few years back an ad agency came up with an idea to make TV viewers trust their spokesman more. They got a fella who acted on the soaps to hold their pharmaceutical product up to the camera and say:

“I’m not a doctor, but I play one on TV.”

It must have taken every molecule of testosterone in all the chimp balls in the biggest ad agency in New York City to come up with that monkey shit to sling at the walls of the American cage. Fuck me. Wish I had balls that big to go with my human brain. Jesus.