Monday, September 30, 2013

d12
1. Gyrnos of Antedeluvia, vampire sage: so ancient/hideous he stays enshrouded by ebon wrappings, dedicated to accumulation of knowledge but also very very thirsty, allows adventurers to bargain for lives by telling him something he doesn't already know, zero sense of humor remaining
2. Trio of blood sucking dolts: hapless goofballs in mortal life, still mentally negligible in undeath, sleep crammed into single coffin they carry around with them, duped by even the most ludicrous ruse
3. Sister Zrinlava: former high priestess of lawful cult now cruising around the underworld in full-blown spiritual crisis, begs any adventurer-clergy for purification while weeping pitifully, inevitable failure followed by explosive rage
4. Yolo Tensalian, once a thief: skills honed by centuries of aimless pick-pocketry, carries random assortment of recently harvested treasures w/special emphasis on key-rings, not averse to parley for own amusement, devastating back-of-the-neck attack
5. Bat-face Boros: unable to fully master shape change ability, attempts to compensate by maintaining impeccably fashion forward image, collection of baroque masks, feeds only upon the stunningly beautiful
6. Dr. Satirion: in guise of benevolent wandering phlebotomist, exchanges valuable dungeon tips for pints, 50% chance of feeding frenzy if anyone actually agrees to terms
7. Gaggle of recently created vampires, bored aristocrats from nearest metropolis, search in vain for master who regrets this particular binge deeply, dodges them and will pay adventurers to see to their destruction
8. The Vampire Connoisseur: may choose to feed upon party member in exquisite physical condition but most filthy murderhoboes beneath consideration, eager to make finger-wagging presentation complete with diet and exercise recommendations to improve health and render blood suitable for consumption
9. Mujisto, vampire politician: silver-tongued devil travels from domain to domain, outlining semi-visionary plans for uniting factions into unstoppable coalition, burgeoning fan-base, assassinating him wins favor with evil princelings and petty bosses
10. Prala the former scullery maid: just wants to follow the party around meekly until such time as one of them perishes, then savage feeding, thorough tidying
11. Strax, art vampire: locked into obsessive behavioral cycle where he roams the underworld fiefdoms, indulges tyrants and top-dogs with self-aggrandizing portraiture, then eats them, lately word has gotten around, perhaps the party would like a group shot to commemorate their delve?
12. Blargon the Vampire Barbarian: naked but for fur action shorts, iron thews visible through semi-translucent skin crisscrossed with scars, gore-soaked battle axe, easily offended

Friday, September 27, 2013

d12
1. Sir Blagdor the Irrepressible: hyper-alert for anything remotely resembling a challenge, likes to strip off armor for bare-knuckle brawling, Greco-Roman wrestling, wears bejewelled championship girdle of ogre power
2. The Knight of Green Malaise, cursed to constantly exude verdant mist of somnolence, emerges from preternatural lassitude whenever PC warriors begin to come into their strength and need knocking down a peg or two, returns to mystic lair for a good fortnight's slumber
3. Sir Chandox, clandestine relationship with shipping guild and several other commercial enterprises, pursues quests as suggested by board of trustees to maximize war profiteering opportunities
4. Sir Orostu, the elephant-riding knight: serves the Lords of the Savannah and honors them by challenging all comers to exceedingly lopsided jousts, Guanto the elephant wields massive flail w/trunk
5. Ignossus of the Waxing Moon: very tall, slender, hairless and gray w/pale yellow armor, claims to act on behalf of lunar monarchy to defeat and demoralize earth men, spouts off about coming invasion and makes elegant arguments for humankind to just throw in the towel
6. Sir Farsifal the Lecherous: clumsy practitioner of courtly love, instantly smitten by undying devotion again and again, ruthlessly terminates perceived rivals, enemies everywhere
7. Sir Nosar the hill giant knight: created by highly irresponsible monarch just to increase regional mayhem, clad in fabulously huge custom plate, jousts unmounted, notches in ebon club indicate unmatched duelling record
8. The Knight Impostor: unknown champion of chaos w/illusionist ally, huge collection of helmets, shows up in guise of famous knights (or PC warriors) to sow confusion and sully reputations
9. Sir Hedrick the Clueless: incredible self-confidence matched only by intellectual limitations, seldom comprehends current situation but always pretends to, famously gullible, hapless patsy in many outrages engineered by the wicked, speech consists entirely of catchphrases picked up over the years
10. Sir Throndos, Champion of the Accused: misguided sense of justice, demands trial by arms to prove innocence of even the demonstrably evil, really quite good at most types of fighting
11. Sir Haknoth the Insufferable: humility snuffed out by unbroken string of victories, you know he's boasting wildly if his lips are moving, trolling for duels 24/7, colossal mace, bad breath
12. The Dead Knight: seemingly animated by pure devotion to duty, continues to serve crown and country despite having fallen in battle long, long ago, martial skill unaffected by advanced state of decomposition

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

d12
1. Must drain chalice of hot poison for magical entry, saving throw required
2. Via the Queen's magic mirror which leads to the dragon's magic mirror, wherever he's keeping it these days
3. Teleported in by anointing head with the blood of the Ogre Czar
4. Pass through permanent dimension door at the top of a 1000 meter tree
5. Locate dungeon door only in dream state induced by exceedingly rare cave fungus that grows on hell hound droppings
6. Leap through the top floor window in the Spider-lich's spire
7. Mega-swarm of moon moths provide lift to cloud door if first charmed by series of elaborate rituals w/plenty of dancing and blood sacrifice
8. Navigate reeking sewer-maze beneath the city of extinct titans
9. Only known entrance at the base of inverted pyramid on the moon
10. An arch-devil must agree to show you the way
11. Unlocked door in the wall of cavern thousands of feet beneath the ocean surface, ancestral burial ground of the intelligent cephalopods
12. Monumental excavation effort requiring huge labor force toiling night and day for months, all the while terror-mummies claw their way up from the deep sands

Saturday, September 21, 2013

d12
1. Yarth Creedle, famous bounty hunter with 100% success record: lost, starving, delusional, seeking elusive pixie war criminal for a faerie tribunal, grill full of gold teeth, rod of fugitive detection out of charges
2. The Levitating Hermit: singular power of geas to compel tough-looking strangers to seek his wayward hermit-bride on the far side of the forest, homebrewed potion to cure her current state of murderous insanity
3. Ungbelly the panacea purveyor: half-pixie snake oil salesman with cart full of random potions, cure-alls, balms, salves, unguents, got high on own supply, abandoned by hirelings, hiding from vicious goblin creditors
4. Blang the intelligent T-rex: distended skull with Frankensteinian scars/bolts/staples, network of paths beaten into hunting grounds surrounding fancy bower bird-like nest, attempts communication using chewed log as stylus for drawing in dirt, only requires one party member or beast of burden in exchange for safe passage
5. Epimentus the All-Wise: clad only in his own expansive beard, charismatic guru to gaggle of tree house dwelling hunter-gatherers (city folk swept up in back to nature movement), recently fallen on hard times, needs cutthroats to assist in maintaining communal harmony by silencing doubters
6. Aquedayn Slowneedle: lives in petrified tree trunk, able to divine future through automatic tattooing on knowledge seekers, the more information desired, the greater percentage of the body must be inked, 100% chance of infection
7. Vivishek: toga clad philosopher ape, leaps onto scene spoiling for a good debate, has variety of spells ready to augment his arguments
8. Buzhwa Tightpurse: merchant prince abducted by bugbears, chewed through bonds to escape, tattered finery corroborates claims of opulence, offers hefty reward for escort to nearby metropolis where he will assassinate his father for failure to pay ransom in a timely fashion
9. Juku: man born with prehensile tail, left society in disgust following lifelong persecution by tail-haters, taken in by forest apes but recently left them in disgust as well, seeks thrills, deadly accuracy with blowgun
10. Halulla, high priestess to gaggle of peace-loving nudist vegetarians in thrall to petty forest deity, subsist by gathering herbs from supernaturally fertile zone protected by giant ring of anti-monster brambles, deity requires single human sacrifice monthly to become one with the loam via transubstantiation ritual
11. Jumwal the forest imp: three feet tall, six feet w/conical wizard hat, travelling salesman of stuff taken from lost caravans, rides/protected by charmed giant python loaded with crates, yodels out musical price list while cruising along fearlessly
12. Okham the Razor: super-competent assassin drummed out of guild and marked for death following violation of needlessly complex regulations, sent by Hofnor Tightpurse to preemptively rub out his missing son (see entry 8)

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

For when the adventurers' fail to employ rigorous employee screening protocols. NPCs in the table appear as unremarkable hireling candidates at first glance.

d12
1. Sandrill the Secret Serial Killer: passes self off as unskilled labor, contrives moment of privacy with party member who fits his profile (see subtable below)
2. Hagbath the Hateful: seethes with self-destructive resentment against adventuring class citing past atrocities, bides time as torchbearer until the party is half way across a rope bridge or similarly compromised
3. Yong-Tsuth, vaguely creepy guy who never says anything until the first significant treasure is recovered, then slowly smiles, revealing rows of shark-like teeth
4. Tyrion, assassin from the future, sent to rub out the mighty PC warrior (or wizard, thief, war-priest, etc.) fated to trigger the disastrous Next Age of Dinosaurs, death ray projector secreted in sarong
5. Thungo, barbarian with dungeon-triggered psychosis, seeks to re-enter underworld against shaman's advice to face his demons head on, barbarian style; once below: totally bonkers
6. Dox the Dreadful: hollowed-out brain case occupied by crew of tiny parasitic aliens/demons, skull springs open if in grave danger, occupants bail out and attempt to flee
7. Suukor the Clandestine Cannibal: provides perfectly adequate service, cannot resist urge to feast upon human flesh but at least tries to be discrete about it.
8. Unbalanced Aluk: afflicted with earworm-induced vertigo, seems able until first set of stairs, slope, cliff or gradient, then just keeps falling down in increasingly spectacular ways
9. Sheerfy, short term memory loss suffering bearer: dutifully hauls goods/treasure, inevitably leaves something juicy behind after every break, melee
10. Huranth, megalomaniacal man-at-arms: waits for the perfect moment to announce ambitions, attempts to take command of party through rather charismatic speechifying, points out blunders of PC leadership, lampoons PC foibles, issues general mockery (you've earned this one, DM)
11. Turncoat Trantur: will attempt to change sides when faced with any superior force, including those who would kill him without a thought
12. Uurorion, seemingly typical ex-soldier, actually physical manifestation of deity conducting personal audit of PC worshipper/clergy conduct, miraculously survives incidents that leave fellow hirelings lifeless husks, renders suitably harsh judgement at adventure's end

Sandrill the Secret Serial Killer's Victim Profiled6
1. Savors the termination of those who represent the pure, strong and noble
2. Likes to take out the sketchy ones
3. Enthralled by retiring the greedy
4. Thrills to the death rattles of the holy
5. Thinks he gets to eat the escaping mana of the magical
6. Wants to expand his lucky hobbit's foot collection

Monday, September 9, 2013

d12
1. Several hundred deep puncture scars from unfortunate iron maiden encounter
2. Tentacle sucker marks on face and torso, wears hat made from kraken beak
3. Spear-hole in both sides of neck, likes to smoke pipe for gruesome effect
4. Thick ragged scar from top of head to left heel, doesn't want to talk about it
5. Giant "X" on abdomen where spleen was removed by evil physician for an unknown purpose
6. Healed dragon fang hole clean through skull, resultant brain damage rendered subject permanently cheerful and obedient
7. Jagged chew marks all over but ultimately rejected for consumption by finicky owlbear
8. Decorative splotches from run-in with fire pudding
9. Branded with insignia of notorious slaver, still on the wanted list
10. Hairless and shrivelled after exposure to caustic gas, cheery, smiles a lot despite hacking cough
11. Many, many septic rat bites still on the mend
12. Large percentage of skull replaced by thick bronze plate after incident with trebuchet, still owes dwarf healer a fortune

Sunday, September 8, 2013

For when every copper counts.
d12
1. Halifam the Half-hobbled: enchanted peg-leg allows one spectacular jump (as spell) per day, d6 roll required (1-5 leap succeeds, 6 peg-leg falls off)
2. "Left Eye" Lopux: half of face sheered off on last outing, constantly sips tincture of healing potion/grain alcohol
3. Sheefah of the obscuring robe: actually mid-level fighter in witness protection program, feigns incompetence unless and until her life is actually in danger, then looks out for numero uno, abandoning party ruthlessly
4. "That Impaled Fellow": prematurely applied healing potion left this humble soldier with completely healed wound around shamshir clean through abdomen
5. Sword Face: origin story as entry 4, but able to make additional attack per round w/longsword coming out of his face blade-first
6. Half-cocked Harry: absolutely trembling with pent-up martial enthusiasm, will charge headlong into first combat opportunity he sees
7. Flaegra, priestess from exotic realm: on pilgrimage of self-nullification, taking on menial/dangerous tasks such as hauling treasure, carrying torches, under oath to never use considerable powers
8. Odal the unwashed: a bog warrior who lavishes his skin with all manner of reeking morasses, mires, bog waters and sloughs
9. "Spiderbite" Sanzorr: neck and shoulder grossly swollen w/leaking welts, only one good arm, froths at the mouth a bit
10. Mighty Bleena: possibly the world's strongest woman, suffered series of concussions earlier in career (still refuses to wear helmet), becomes confused in battle, 50% likely to mistakenly hammer friendlies in melee
11. Adhokk the unbidden advisor: spews forth continuous stream of dungeoneering tips and pointers, quits in a huff if told to stifle himself
12. Ol' Dungeon Toes: afflicted with dungeon equivalent of trench foot, good for a couple of turns before he sits down immovably