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YES THIS IS SPOOKY, I CAN REFEREE - NFL WEEKLY EXPRESS

Tuesday's six-pack

-- The public deserves to know which NFL owners are driving the lockout of the officials that is damaging NFL's credibility. If the 31 men who own NFL teams (Green Bay is a publicly held team, doesn't have one owner) want their franchises to devalue, this is a way to do it.

-- What I'm saying is that Roger Goodell is the front man for the owners, but its not his money, not his fight. Some hardline owners are refusing to give the real officials what they deserve. Its hurting the game.

-- The officials in Seattle last night had the Redskin-Ram game in Week 2; sad to say, they did a way better job last night than in St Louis, and I am not kidding. They're awful.

-- Side note: The regular refs wouldn't have called offensive interference either. Offensive players are coached to do that on Hail Marys, because officials do not call offensive interference on Hail Marys.

-- Lost in the late game hubbub was fact that Seattle had eight sacks in the first half, second-most for a half in NFL history.

-- Mike McCarthy got totally screwed out of a game Monday, but he did not put his hand on any officials. If the NFL doesn't suspend Belichick for grabbing the official Sunday night, they're gutless bastards.

-- Games have ended in bad ways before; Atlanta won a game on a Hail Mary to White Shoes Johnson where he never got to the end zone, and the Raiders beat San Diego on the Holy Roller play when John Madden was coaching Oakland. But there was no instant replay to fix things then. There is instant replay now, but things still didn't get fixed.

Also, everyone's least favorite color commentator, Jon Gruden, is doing Hooters commercials now claiming that he used to be a wing cook there back in the 80's. Good God, this is well before sexual harassment was a thing so can you imagine what Gruden was doing? Anyway, onto the the shittiest players of week three:

Cam Newton - Even though this game was on Thursday, I feel that it still warrants some discussion. I don't get Cam. He's a pouty little bitch when things go slightly bad for him. Steve SMIFF is right; Cam needs to sack up.

Steven Jackson - How about that Rams offense now when they are facing a defense that actually runs plays? NOT GOOD.

CJ Spiller - Classic troll move right there: get everyone buying into how ELITE you are and then have your shoulder ACL ripped into a billion pieces of shit against the Browns! On another note, Trent Richardson is back to being average. You know, I hated what I saw from him yesterday. It had nothing to do with his on field play either. Bro was wearing a big fucking coat...in September. It's only going to get worse from here, Trent, so quit being a pussy.

Offensive competency in Dallas - There was a game played in Dallas. It was not a good one. The highlights were none unless you like Tony Romo getting murdered by big black men as I do. Greek can not be too pleased with Romo today and that is the thing about that queer: you absolutely can not count on him.

Greg Schiano doubters - HE DID IT AGAIN! They went after the kneel down again! Hilarious. I respect that man a lot more today knowing that he isn't a hypocritical fuckwad. If you're going to do it once, do it all the time.

Jim Schwartz - Come on, Peter King hair, as awesome as a Shaun Hill QB sneak is, just take the FG. That was dumb as shit. But then again...

Fat Stafford - What happened to him exactly? I'm not looking it up. All that I know is that every single ELITE QB from last year looks like poop diddly this year. At least someone throwing the ball for the Lions FINALLY started to force the ball to TRON. And even though he scored, Chris Johnson still sucks.

People ignoring Cecil Shorts - NO ONE CLOSES LIKE CECIL SHORTS!

Tim Tebow - It's time to end this farce. I hope that you all saw the "pass" that was thrown to Timmy that hit him in the helmet because that was just terrific. The Tenorcat offense is diarrhea.

Jimmy HarBRAH - It looks like someone was sniffing his own farts all week instead of planning for a football game. This game knocked any out of our survival pool because, come on, the Niners D against Chris Ponder! Fuck that noise. I'd hate to be the team that plays San Fran next week because they are going to murder the panties off of their week 4 opponent.

Aaron Kromer - Worst coach ever? Dude is 0-3 with home losses to the REDSKINS AND CRENNELS. The Saints are done. It was nice to see Jam Charles back and SICK again though.

Mike Shanahan - Great job at getting that unsportsmanlike conduct penalty by running out onto the field to scream at the scabs. That was awesome. You are a great coach, Mike! At least you didn't have a punt blocked this week. PROGRESS! The Rams are going to get a really good first round pick this year.

Norv Turner - You're a goddamn fool if you thought that a Norv-coached team was going to start 3-0. By the way, the Falcons look absolutely terrific.

Mike Vick - Mike Vick sucks. He really, truly does and he got lucky the first two weeks. This time around, not so much. The Eagles are a fraud on the level of Phillyfan sham marriage to hide his thirst for cat dick. The Eagles are a joke. Yeah, give the ball to Bryce Brown over Shady McCoy. That's a winning strategy!

Peyton Manning - It was exposed on Monday and defenses are going to continue to exploit the fact that he can't throw the deep ball. He has reached the Dan Marino stage of his career.

Matt Schaub's ear lobe - GAAAAAAAHHHHH! That hit was so dirty--SO DIRTY! And now this handsome troglodyte will never look the same again.

Antonio Brown - Maybe he isn't the #1 receiver on the team due to his penchant for fumbling, eh buttfuck Steeler fans??? It's always been Mike Wallace. Never forget that. AND HAHAHAHAHA YOU LOST TO THE RAIDERS!!! Nice 1-2 start, black and gold Redskins! Also: RIP Darius Heyward-Bey. You may be dead now but the memory of your draft position will always remain.

That's it for me. I didn't proofread this at all so any grammatical errors can be stuck up your ass. Again, props to Brian for being a better fan than I am. One thing is certain: I am betting the over in every Redskins game for the rest of the year (as I did this week). They fucking suck!

13) September NFL games are increasingly becoming what August games used to be; a time for teams to shake the cobwebs out, get used to each other and position themselves for the post-bye part of their schedules. Except September games count, obviously, and preseason games don’t. Coaches are now so paranoid about injuries that its almost like preseason doesn’t exist, except for meetings and non-contact practices.

12) Not only have Cardinals won 10 of their last 12 games, they’ve won their last nine games that were decided by less than 7 points. Arizona has allowed only two TDs on 35 drives this season, and their last two games were against Brady/Vick. Not bad.

11) Eagles trailed 17-0 at Arizona Sunday with 0:06 left in the half; they had the ball inside the Cardinal 10-yard line. 17 points is two TDs and a FG, so kick the FG, go to halftime down 17-3 and lick your wounds, right? No, Philly got greedy, Vick got crushed and Arizona had a defensive TD that effectively ended the game. Shaky decision, horrendous execution.

10) Eli Manning passed for 234 yards against the Bucs in Week 2, in the 4th quarter alone. Dallas scored one TD against the Bucs, on a 23-yard drive in the second quarter. Go figure.

9) Lot of people scoffed at the late Al Davis when he used high draft picks on a kicker and punter, but years later, Sebastian Janikowski and Shane Lechler are still Raiders and still really good. If only all their draft picks turned out so well.

8) In the space of seven years, the Saints have been devastated by a hurricane in the Gulf Coast region, then risen up to become champs, then been devastated by a political situation where the Commissioner saw fit to cripple the franchise because of a bounty arrangement that had previously been a wink and a nod thing in league circles, even joked about on older clips done by NFL Films. But with lawsuits popping up, the league is cracking down on health/safety stuff and decided to make an example of the Saints. I’m not a New Orleans fan, but it still doesn’t seem fair.

7) Of course, on one hand the NFL talks about player safety, but they have teams playing on three days’ rest most every week, and they have small college officials overseeing games, which can get out of hand if the players don’t respect the men in stripes. It makes no sense.

6) Friend of mine has Time-Warner Cable, and saw NFL Network for the first time this weekend; he was mesmerized by the Red Zone channel. “I just sat there all day and watched it. Amazing.”

5) There were 140 (4.38/team) plays of 20+ yards in Week 1, 143 (4.46) in Week 2, but only 117 (3.9) in Week 3; other than the Tennessee game, which resembled an old AFL game, games were lot less explosive this week. People are talking about the refs more than the players.

4) Memo to Commissioner Goodell; Fans care more about the referee problem than the bounty issue, a lot more; he basically made the Saints forfeit this season over the bounty thing, while the league is held hostage by hiring a bunch of officials who are learning a very difficult job on the fly.

3) Certain teams (Ravens come to mind) seem to be harder for these guys to officiate, because they play through the whistle more, they talk more, which results in more pushing/shoving after each play. Their last two games have been very difficult games to control. We still need the real refs back, though, the sooner the better.

2) $3M divided by 32 equals $93,750, which is how much extra each team would have to kick in each year to keep the referees’ pensions where they have been. That’s a lot of what separates the two sides in negotiations, and for the NFL, it is pocket change. But there are egos involved, big egos, and the overall product is suffering because of it.

1) Once the regular refs come back, the next question will be, how long will it take the players to adjust to having better officials? Some players have hinted that the replacements are letting more things go. The regular refs will not let things go, so we might see a couple flagfests before everyone adjusts back to the way its supposed to be. I just hope its soon.

12) On June 1st, the A’s and Astros were both 22-30; Houston now has 105 losses, while my A’s desperately try to hold on to the last Wild Card spot in the AL, in what has been the most unlikely and inspirational season in my 44 years of rooting for the green-and-gold.

Problem is, our leadoff hitter has pink eye, our best pitcher a fractured skull, and the team we play most of the rest of our games against, Texas, spent $100M on one player (Yu Darvish). The A’s entire payroll is $55M. For the whole team.

11) With rosters expanded this month, Rangers have 18 pitchers on their roster; in the playoffs, they’ll only have 12 or 13. Would September be a lot different if teams couldn't expand rosters on September 1st?

10) Why is BYU an independent in football? Other than keeping all their bowl revenue in event they hit it big in the BCS, how does it help them?

9) Anytime ESPN.com’s baseball writer Buster Olney gets stuck for a story, he resorts to his old template: Who will “best pitcher” on “small market team” be traded to? This time it was David Price; in past, its been Zito-Hudson-Mulder-Haren-Felix Hernandez-Lee-Beckett. Some get traded, some don’t. As a fan of a small market team, it has gotten very old.

8) I don’t give rat’s ass about the Ryder Cup; does anyone, other than the golfers involved? I’m guessing Eldrick Woods isn’t too fired up, other than fact that his sponsors are probably into it.

7) Greedy bastard update: Gas went down 6 cents a gallon here over the weekend, down to a hefty $4.10 a gallon. Forgot to ask the guy at the counter if employees get a discount from their greedy bastard bosses when they fill up. I'm guessing they do not.

6) A's set a record for strikeouts Wednesday night, which means very little; every team makes at least 24 outs a game, most make 27. As long as teams hit in clutch, run bases well and have certain amount of power, what is the difference how they make their 24 or 27 outs a game?

5) As part of its deal with the ACC, Notre Dame will play five football games a year vs ACC opponents; they already play BC every year, so to clear room for the other four games, Fighting Irish have ended their series with Michigan, starting in 2015. Can't wait for those thrilling games with the Fighting Irish against Syracuse and Duke. Outstanding.

4) If you owned a major league baseball franchise, would you give Josh Hamilton a guaranteed deal worth over $100M? With his history, not even sure I want him on my fantasy team. This is only second time he's played in more than 133 games, but he does put up big numbers.

3) 70% of the legal betting action in Nevada Monday night was on the Packers, so when Green Bay won the game, Nevada sportsbooks cleaned house, since Monday night games are the heaviest bet games of the week. I’m not inferring anything there, just reporting a fact.

2) At the start of this baseball season, my son had four Miami Marlins on his fantasy team; told someone its important for his team that the Marlins have a good year—well, didn’t work out that way. At this point, if no one kills anyone else, their season will be a minor success.

What a dysfunctional group they put together. The team president is the owner’s stepson, so he’s probably the only person we know will be back in 2013. As bad as his fantasy team turned out to be this year, they were a lot better than these Marlins.

1) There's been so much action this month, no way wonder the month has flown by: A’s in their first pennant race in six years, Lions have been underperforming, all the football handicapping, keeping up with all the baseball, and USC losing to Stanford once again.

Well like an idiot I didnt post the Under nor Cleveland last night on the forum. Liked em but didnt love the picks. Maybe thats a sign to come. Have a great weekend.

13) Hey, the regular refs are back; good for the NFL and good for the refs. Common sense finally prevails. Now the refs need to snap into mid-season form without any preseason activity. Most anything will be better than what we just had.

12) Oregon State is 2-0, beating Wisconsin/UCLA; now they’re a 2-point dog at Arizona, which just lost 49-0 at Oregon. Interesting game for Mike Riley’s Beavers, who went to In ‘n Out Burger as a team after beating the Bruins in Westwood last week.

11) A’s come home after surviving an epic 10-game road swing; they host the Mariners, and miss King Felix/Iwakuma. Meanwhile the Angels are in Texas, the Rays are in Chicago and Baltimore will be hosting the Red Sox, who bagged this season a long time ago. Going to be an interesting finish.

10) Raider coach Dennis Allen was Denver’s DC LY, when the Broncos weren’t quite as well-stocked at QB as they are now, but Oakland has won its last four visits to Denver. Fascinating game out west.

9) Total in Baylor-West Virginia game is 81.5, but its supposed to rain in the east all weekend. Without knowing for sure, I’m guessing the Waco-to-Morgantown road trip isn’t a lot of fun.

8) Will Miguel Cabrera win the Triple Crown? No one has done it since Carl Yaztrzemski in 1967, and he was also in a pennant race.

7) Huge trap game for Seahawks, who got handed a win by replacement refs on their way out the door Monday night; now they visit a gritty but offensive-challenged Rams squad that will spring the upset if they can keep Sam Bradford upright better than the Packers did for Aaron Rodgers.

6) When the Penn State/NCAA debacle broke out, Illinois sent its whole coaching staff to State College, to try and poach Nittany Lion players who wanted to jump ship- they got one kid. Am guessing their legal but overly enthusiastic recruiting didn’t go over too well with the PSU coaches. The post-game handshake Saturday could be interesting.

5) I feel bad the NHL won’t be starting on time; I enjoy hockey and there are regular folks (vendors, ticket takers, etc) who need the work to support their families. Hopefully, they won’t stay dark the entire season.

4) Eagles turned ball over 12 times already, now they play Giants/ Steelers next two weeks, as you hear rumblings that young Nick Foles could be under center soon in Philly. The Sunday night game will be interesting.

3) Minnesota/Northwestern are both 4-0; Gophers are a 7-point dog at struggling Iowa. Can Minnesota keep its Cinderella season going?

2) Buccaneers fired Raheem Morris after last season, but he’s back in Tampa this week, coaching the Redskins’ secondary. Washington is a fun team with RGIII at QB, but they’re still just 1-2. This is a game they should win.

1) How will Packers bounce back on a short week, after getting screwed Monday night? 0-3 Saints come to town with no head coach and one of the worst defenses in modern history. Bet the regular refs get a warm welcome at Lambeau.

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