An Open Letter by a Grammar Nazi

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Hi, I have probably annoyed you before. You thought you could get away with typing or writing however you want? Well, to your relief, yes—you can. The thing is, it is just not polite. Not polite to those whom the internet has (not so) fondly dubbed as ‘Grammar Nazis.’ By butchering the language blatantly, you have created a wide array of problems for us grammarians.

It hurts the tenses when you write “I did not went there.” It is not went; it is go. I had to pick up the ‘past tense’ and cajole it when the poor thing was crying in a corner. “Life is difficult, but don’t give up.”

You know how advice and advise confuses you? Get it straight now: You advised him to join the gym, and it was your advice to her to remain calm.

The affect and effect debate is another issue altogether. So let us put an end to it, shall we? Affect is a verb and effect is a noun—it affects me that what I say has no effect on you.

Keep making these mistakes, and well, you might trigger a nuclear war between nouns and verbs.

Who and whom. Don’t even get me started. The annoyance of that error is legendarily painful. But you did not stop there, did you? You had to go and get confused between there and their as well. There is so much agony felt by the people at Oxford when you do that, their minds went on a little turmoil ride (See what I did there?)

The boxing fight ‘Me VS I’ is as controversial and picky as Mayweather vs Pacquiao! You say “I and my wife shared the bill.” This might be a good plan money-wise, but it hurts us. “My wife and I shared the bill.” See? Both the banks and the Grammar Nazi, happy.

The English language loses a very hard fought battle when you write “The Red Sox are going to loose against the Yankees.” This sentence offends both, the Grammar Nazis and the Red Sox Fans. However, “The Red Sox are going to lose against the Yankees” will only hurt the Red Sox fans. (Which is okay.)

Stannis Baratheon from Game of Thrones—who may not have been the greatest of warriors, or the ‘chosen one’—was certainly the one true King of Grammar! All the people are misusing lesser and fewer; please learn how to properly use it, from the Westeros Grammar Nazi.

Now coming to the most common, universal and glorious error, the error that we see ‘a lot’ on social media. Yes, you guessed it right. I am talking about the alot/a lot problem. It causes great torment to me when I see someone misusing it. It is simple. ‘A’ and ‘Lot’ are two different words! I know you love the idea of relationships, but some space is always great.

It hurts us when people interchange this and these like it makes no difference. This article can be a perfect example of how you should not make these grammar errors, for which your Grammar Nazi friends might shoot you!

Other numerous tortures caused include the incorrect use of commas, of articles, ‘weather/whether,’ the erroneous use of apostrophes, using the word irony anywhere, at random occasions, without any context.

I am sincerely pessimistic that this helped you clear many of your common blunders. It is my heartfelt wish that you never make any such blunders ever again. And most importantly, I wish your imaginative powers don’t transgress you into creating a new array of ‘grammar sins.’ Please don’t feel offended or insulted when I correct your grammar, I do it because I care about the English language and you. (But mostly the language!)

I sincerely hope that you will look into this matter very soon. Best wishes!

Yours faithfully,

A Grammar Nazi

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