Friday, January 30, 2015

Ah the dreaded scale. I've spent most of my adult life trying to avoid it. We don't have a scale in our home, I've never spent money to purchase one and have zero plans to. It was my least favorite part of my OB visits when I was pregnant, even though I never gained that much. And once I really began working out, I tried to stay away, though it's there, asking me to come over, just a quick check, no one will know.

Except me. And when I would go, what I saw wasn't exactly encouraging. It rarely moved. In over a year of increased sweating, that darn scale simply refused to move much. This is something that would have stopped me from returning in the past. But this time, this past year, I haven't stopped. For whatever reason, I've continued to go, always thinking that eventually, someday, it's GOT to start working.

And now here I am in a weight loss competition. I lost 3 pounds in the first week, which I was proud of until I found out what some others had lost. One lost almost 15 pounds in the first week! I felt myself slipping into the old thoughts of "if you can't be the best, you shouldn't do it." But why should I let someone else's success diminish what I did? Here I am finally, FINALLY, seeing the scale move after so much time and I'm feeling bad because it wasn't as good as someone else?? Someone who perhaps wants to lose a lot more than I do. Their success has NOTHING to do with me. I can't let other's successes or failures define where I am or should be on my journey.

So, back to this competition. My plan was to only get on the scale Mondays at Bible study. The consistency of the same scale would be a better measure of my success [or set-backs]. Except I let my curiosity get the better of me & I got on the scale before spin class. Once again, when I saw the number was less than before, I started letting it affect my mood. Which is exactly what I don't want this to do.

But here's the thing: while I'm happy the number is going down, for a number of reasons, that number hasn't defined me in a very long time. I'm still more about how my clothes fit, how do I feel and making sure I can keep up at Disney! I am more than a number on the scale; I am a child of the King.

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. Galatians 5:16

The lust of the flesh. I have always read this as referring to sexual sins. While that is the primary definition, Lust also refers to a "passionate desire for something." Crave, cover, want, longing, yearning. Obviously that can cover more than sex, though with a negative connotation. The other night, we watched "Cutthroat Kitchen" and the first challenge was sliders. Man, those sliders looked good. And the next day, I wanted a slider. During my noon weights class, those sliders crept into my brain. Sliders. Hamburgers. I could smell the wonderful aroma in my head. And then we went to Cubby's (a sports bar) for supper. I didn't completely give in to the lust of my flesh as opted for a side salad with my plain cheeseburger. But it was lust. I lusted after a hamburger; it penetrated my thoughts when I should have been thinking on other things. And that lust took me to a place I hadn't planned to go that night. [How easily does lust do that?]

And there is that word again "Crave" A strong desire for something, to want greatly, to yearn for. No mention of food at all. So why do we immediately go to food with crave? There are other more important things I should crave: time with my husband, hugs from my daughters, walks with the Spirit. These are things I need and things I do have a strong desire for, things I yearn for. Yet it seems kind of weird, uncomfortable to say I crave these things. Is it because Crave seems to have a negative connotation, much like Lust does? Crave gives an impression of weakness. Can I use it for strength? I am weak without the Spirit. I need the Spirit to fill me so I can change my cravings for food and set my sights on things not of this world, of better and more important things.

On Monday, Cris asked us to come up with a one word reason for why we were there. 2 came to mind for me: Community and Crave. I ended up going with Crave. I think I chose it because I'm also reading "Made to Crave" by Lysa TerKeurst. I've had this on my list for a while and finally bought it and a devotional companion. In the very beginning, this told me I picked up the right book:

Like I said before, I KNOW the stuff, but this is about finding my want to. And sometimes, it's just takes a little push.

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Closing in on the end of the official first week. Last Monday was the weigh in. Can I just say that I want the scale from the Wellness Center? I realize scales are a little different but that one seems to like me more. The official numbers:

Weight: 173

Neck: 12 1/4

Bicep: 12

Chest: 38

Waist: 37 1/2

Hips: 43

Thigh: 24 1/2

Calf: 15 1/2

Weigh in is each Monday. There is a large group speaker about motivation, nutrition, exercise, etc. then we break into small groups. The leader of our small group wasn't there last week and her sub seemed to flounder with what to do. I'm hoping there is more discussion and digging into the book this Monday. I'm not doing this to learn others' "tricks" for losing weight or being healthy. I'm tired of hearing "if I can do it, you can do it." I'm doing this to find my true motivation and to grow closer to God.

The memory verse for this week was Matthew 16:24-25:

Then Jesus said to his disciples, "if anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."

This must be important because Jesus says it six times in the Gospels. Twice in Matthew and Luke and once in Mark and John. So okay, how does this apply to me in 2015? What do I need to deny? What cross(es) do I need to pick up? What is preventing me from fully following Christ?

It is and has been obvious to me since I started exercising that food is my issue. I haven't been able to lose weight or get my clothes to fit better with exercise alone. I do better when I actually track what I eat (even if I'm a little off on portion sizes). When I did track this past week there was only one day that I went over my goal and that day included the choice to both go to Starbucks AND have a couple of glasses of wine. I need to deny myself these indulgences.

My cross? What do I need to pick up? I'm not sure. I've started drinking more water, trying for 48 oz each day and I've eliminated pop. I've also started to hear a small voice speaking to me about sugar. I am reading more labels and trying to keep high fructose corn syrup out -- though it's in EVERYTHING. Many things I'm reading right now talk about completely eliminating sugar. Wow. Not sure this is my cross, yet.

I am here for the next 12 weeks and I'm hoping to see a lot of results: physically and spiritually.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

A weight-loss competition thru church? I've heard about programs like this but never participated. I've never been a big dieter and while I've always *wanted* to lose weight, I've never actually wanted to put forth the necessary effort or give up all delicious things. I kept hoping for a quick fix -- I mean eventually ONE of those diet pills has to work, right? When we moved to Brookings, I finally ran out of excuses to go to the gym (cheap rates, classes included and a 5 minute walk from my office? BOOM each excuse gone). I started going to classes like spin, Women With Weights (kind of a circuit training) and my new favorite Body & Soul 6 am bootcamp. I had hoped that just working out would allow me to continue to enjoy all those yummy foods. My 40+ year old body disagreed. Then my bootcamp instructor mentioned a Bible study she was leading at the church we have been attending. As I've been seeking a community here and seeking the right motivation to actually lose weight I decided to sign up.

The study is called Bod4God and uses Scripture to show you {ME} how to honor God and commit this earthy body to his glory. The kick off included Pastor Steve Reynolds speaking about his experience and showing us just a few of the many places God talks to us about our body and food. The very first story that involved people (Adam & Eve) included temptation with FOOD. Satan understands the power food can have over us and has used it from the start. He has even convinced us that gluttony isn't *really* a sin. How many times do you hear about a prayer request to eat less or drink more water or to find time to exercise more? How many church events revolve around food? We eat as a part of fellowship; we gather around the table to enjoy each other's company and food. And doesn't Jesus ask us to remember him with wine and bread (oh, if he only would have included cheese!!!)?

So what is it I hope to get out of this? What are my goals and more importantly, what is my motivation? It has to be more than just getting my pants to fit or to live long enough to see my grandchildren or even to be healthier. Because while those are excellent reasons, it hasn't been enough in the past and I know myself well enough to know it won't be enough in the future. I need to find the desire, the need, the motivation that will last and will be enough to sacrifice the good foods that God has given us to enjoy -- just in moderation!

Follow me here and on Twitter (#Bod4God) to see if I can find this motivation.

Colossians 1:16 for by him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Last year, I purchased a Fitbit to "assist" me with my health journey. I don't want to call it a weight-loss journey because that's not my ultimate goal. Health is my ultimate goal. I am still looking for that "one thing" to keep me motivated and I don't know that there can be just "one thing." I put on some pounds over the end of year holidays. I love to eat. I love food. I will probably never crave a carrot. But I am learning that no matter how good that doughnut tastes in the present, I'm usually regretting the choice within the hour (hello sugar crash!).

So back to my Fitbit. I wear it on my wrist and I have 2 different colored bands to change it up a bit. I use it as my morning alarm clock (and have only slept through it once!) and when I reach my step goal and the bit buzzes in celebration, I get excited. So I was really excited to see my year in review that recently came through my email. 910 MILES! 2.1 MILLION steps! I guess I should have realized, but holy cow. It is amazing to see it right there. Now, I do wish they included total calories burned because spin class, lifting don't show up in the number of steps I took [yeah, 788,000 calories burned!] nor does the number of active minutes (which I'm not able to find a total for).

I try to track food as well, but I'm not sure I'm doing the best job of estimate portion sizes.

I like that the Fitbit helps keep me going. I'm trying a few other things right now as well. Mostly because I need to figure out my motivation. I want to be healthy so I can live a long time and enjoy my girls growing up and maybe my grandchildren. I want to be able to enjoy this life and world with my husband. And I know I need to honor God by taking care of everything he has entrusted to me, which includes this body. I joined a Bible study at our church called "Bod4God." We had the kick off on Monday and start the weigh ins next week. I need to take some pictures for a comparison. My goal is 15 lbs over the next 12 weeks.

I plan to write about this journey. Prayers for safe travels are appreciated!