Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Welcome to the Food Network Liveblog/Running Diary, Part 4. (Part 1 over here, Part 2 here, Part 3 here.) There are 14-1/2 hours down, with 4-1/2 to go. Just a fun reminder: I’m checking comments constantly, and will highlight favorites as we go along. So chime in! Can’t wait to read.

RSS subscribers, a quick note: these posts are being updated every few minutes, and subsequently, won't appear on the feed in full. They are on the homesite, though, if you'd like to peruse.

P.S. As with the BL Liveblog, this will go backwards, with the most recent commentary appearing up top.

4:53Sunny is currently wandering through a tremendous warehouse, stacked floor-to-ceiling with barrels of dried garlic. I assuming the Ark of the Covenant is also in there somewhere.

4:52I can taste garlic in the air in my apartment all of a sudden. This means either this show is really effective, or there's an old pizza stuck in my walls. Both are equally likely.

4:48Now she's standing next to a 5000-pound garlic mountain. There are 5000 vampire jokes just waiting to be made here. I'll be a gentlewoman and let y'all handle it.

4:46Sunny is back at the garlic factory. You know how you come home sometimes smelling like work? That must be a genuine work hazard for people who work in a garlic factory.

4:41There is a vat of Bloody Mary mix being made on my television. It looks like the scene from Nightmare on Elm Street when the bed eats Johnny Depp. Did you know - and this is not a joke - that he was credited under the name "Oprah Noodlemantra" for his cameo in the sequel? ABSORB THIS KNOWLEDGE, YOUNG PADAWAN.

4:39Was that story not riveting enough? My judgment of interesting stories is a little off right now. I'm 20 seconds from babbling about the coldness of my nose.

4:38In 2001, my job required that I pull into work right about now. New York is always eerily silent this time of the morning, but I did see a guy get jumped from my cab once.

4:36 Food Network is pushing the White House Iron Chef HARD. Do you think Mario and Emeril will accidentally bump tummies on the floor? Like jolly dueling Santas? Because oh, how I'd giggle.

4:34Did you know: industrial garlic bulbs are peeled by something called a clove blower. In college, the words "clove blower" had a very different meaning. It usually involved a Phish album.

4:32Sunny kicks off the show in an open field. If Martin Scorcese taught me anything, the only people in open fields at 4:32 in the morning are about to be whacked by the mob. Run, Sunny!

4:30THE SHOW: How'd That Get On My Plate?THE HOST: Sunny AndersonTHE CONCEPT: Unwrapped, but with fresh food and no ... Marc Summers.

4:27 We're now at Halibut Point restaurant, where Rachael is eating CHOWDAH next to FISHAHMEN. All this trip is missing is a Kennedy.

4:24Commercials at 4:24am in the morning:AARP Medicare Supplement InsuranceHair transplants... that's it. It's me and balding old people awake right now.

4:23Next, Rachael goes to Gloucester, the Massachusettsiest of all the Massachusetts-sounding towns in all the world. It is wicked Massachusettsy. Red Sox.

4:21 "Locals are enchanted with the cuisine." This phrase is not used in Brooklyn very often. Here, it's more like, "Locals will not shiv you over the cuisine."

4:20Was that mean? I don't care. It's 4:20 in the morning.

4:18Rachael is in Portsmouth (literally: "there is port in my mouth"), New Hampshire (literally, "there is a shire in my hamp"). She's at the Muddy River smokehouse, where men are men and women are also men.

4:14My heat's off. Is my heat always off now?

4:12Back to Rachael, who's eating lobster at the Algonquin. It is, as you might imagine, "ahhhb-so-LUTE-ly dah-LISH-ous."

4:11Holy cow! It's a commercial for The Clapper! This has to be at least 15 years old. Is that a cassette player in there?

4:07Also on TV at 4:07am:CW: FrasierABC: NewsCSPAN: An old man complaining TV Guide Channel: an infomercial for Dermawand, the stick you put on your face. PBS: An old man complaining

12:20Okay. FN is airing repeats (Dinner Impossible, Paula's Cookie Swap, etc.) straight through 4am. SO, I'm gonna break for a few hours and continue this then. That's not cheating, right? I don't think so. Either way, thank god I JUST DRANK A CUP OF COFFEE.

12:17It's now 12:17, and I don't have a bit for this yet. Unless this running bit that I have no bit is actually the bit. Oh crap. The Le Cordon Bleu commercial again. Have I fallen asleep without knowing it? Is this a nightmare?

12:12 Okay, maybe not that.

12:07Oh man. I'm gonna need a different angle for this one, fast. What if we made up a song to the tune of Bob Dylan's "The Times, They Are A-Changin'"?Come gather 'round firemenWherever you drinkAnd admit that you left yourdish in the sink.And accept it that soonYou'll be forced to thinkAbout whose chickenyou're pickin'.So you better start eatin' 'Cause it'll be done in a wink. For the Throwdown, it is a ... goin' down.

12:01amTHE SHOW: Oh no ... the same Throwdown we saw three hours ago.THE HOST: Still Bobby FlayTHE CONCEPT: Still the Chicken Cacciatore thing.