“And you’re not coming back, Richard Dreyfuss, because you were shot in the head.”

Some unnamed people around here like to make fun of a movie like RED, because it featured an ensemble cast of older actors as former CIA agents and international spies, and that’s just goofy because Viagra jokes and broken hips, LOL! So forgive me if I’m a little more enthusiastic than a certain someone else today, because RED, which starred Bruce Willis and John Malkovich as retired CIA killers, is one of my favorite movies of the past few years, and I will stop whatever I’m doing and watch it whenever it’s on cable.

So when the trailer for RED 2 was released in January, I was extra excited, because Anthony Hopkins is joining the crew of old farts, and it allowed me to wonder if they’re going to bring back Brian Cox as Ivan Simonov (he’s not listed on the sequel’s cast) and maybe use some suspended disbelief to tell us that Morgan Freeman didn’t really die.

Well, good news for me, because Summit Entertainment is moving up RED 2’s release date from August 2 to July 19 because I’ve been a good boy this year.

RED 2 is Dean Perisot’s first feature since 2005’s Fun With Dick and Jane, and follows the first film’s characters as they punch and shoot their way through a globetrotting rogue’s gallery of terrorists, assassins and government officials to find a missing portable nuclear device. For its new date, RED 2will be put up against stiffer competition in Dreamworks Aniimation’s Turbo, James Wan’s The Conjuring and Robert Schwentke’s comic book adaptation R.I.P.D. (Via Cinema Blend)

So basically it’s going up against RIPD, because the little kids going to see Turbo aren’t going to see RED 2. Unless they’re awesome, that is.

I think the idea of a connection between movie violence and real violence is utter bullshit, but the fact that people blame Quentin Tarantino every time there’s a shooting in a school/mall/oversized pudendum is UTTER, utter bullshit. Bruce Willis is coming out with at least three movies that are all way shootier than anything QT has done. If you stood on the mountain of all the spent shell casings Willis has used on film, you could almost see the Coke Wizard atop a mountain of his own.

yeah, i read that and thought Vince had lost his fucking mind. then i scrolled back up and all was well again. it was without doubt one of the shoddiest efforts i’ve seen in a long time. the editing, the dialogue, the plot. woeful. burns you’re a fucking dickhouse.

Did I get something wrong here? Was the movie release not moved up? Was it not originally scheduled for an August release? Oh, maybe you mean that I don’t know my stuff because I like a movie that you don’t like. Please fill me in on what movies you like. What stuff do you know that I should know? Also, please provide jokes that show you’re qualified to discuss how funny Vince is. I’m sure you’re an awesome person, that’s why you take the time out of your day to register an account on a website and talk shit to people. So I’d like to know more about how I can change my life to be as successful as you.

Oh look, Bruce brought back the Korean that played the Japanese-American character Storm Shadow from his GI Joe vacation.

The lone indicator of potential quality here is the fact that this was directed by the dude who made GALAXY QUEST, which, as everyone with half a soul knows was a first ballot entry into the Under-appreciated Movie Hall of Fame.