hello

I have just joined as I am struggling with the Christmas period. I recently had a falling out with one of my best friends in the whole world, someone who has bipolar herself (I am 80% sure I have bordeline personality disorder) and of all the people in the whole world I thought she would understand but evidently she didn't. I have lost hope. (I've read your guidelines, not sure if this next bit will contradict, so delete as appropriate) I have SI'd for the first time in more than a year. I am spending Christmas alone for the first time in my whole life. I am living alone overseas away from my family (who don't understand anyway, but still feel very alone). I am terrified of waking up tomorrow on Christmas by myself.

I have an appointment with a counsellor in the New Year - not my first shot, but first shot with a new person. I'm hoping we can start to resolve something. I'm scared of getting a formal diagnosis (I think I may need to be in a hospital right now) but because I want to work with people, I'm also scared of getting a formal diagnosis because I don't want it to affect my career. I don't know how to fix things with my friend.

Hello there, I'm Flash!
A formal diagnosis could be really scary at first, but in the long run it could end up extremely beneficial as it will enable you to get proper medications that can really help.
If you ever want to talk to someone, feel free to drop me a PM, be it for serious discussion or just general things! I spend too much time on here

I won't be doing anything for Christmas this year either, but it is by choice. I am not up to a family thing. I will be with my dad. If you don't want to be alone tommorow can you go to a friend's house? Perhaps you can rent some DVD's and get some take out, that is what I will be doing.

Flash, I really appreciate your message... . I really do think a formal diagnosis would be helpful at least to make sense of the last ten years... just so scared about it being a problem in future jobs... I am seeing a counsellor in the new year and will talk to her about it then to decide the best way to proceed... Ironically did a psychology degree, so am fairly certain that’s what it is..

Cathyr, I would love to watch some DVD’s but am so clueless to the UK that I don’t know where to get them from! Have texted a friend to be with me as I am not sure I can trust myself, so maybe they will bring some DVD’s – or I will be on SKY watching crap movies all day long!  sending you loads of hugs.

Kankuro – thanks! I think there are loads of people here who understand so I am very glad I took the time to join!

Pete – thanks for all your help in chat before. I ended up chatting privately with someone who helped a great deal – but apologise to you as you took the time to come and chat to me. And I definitely think that that is something to admire!! xx

Hi Flash. Ironically I did a psychology degree. I agree - I think that there are political acts in place to stop non-hiration (ooh new words) on the basis of mental illness. But all jobs do ask for a disclosure of mental health, and given mine is so unstable, and I want to work with people, I think there would be reasonable grounds not to hire me on the basis of of mental health ( they don't always have to tell you why you didn't get the job!)