It’s okay to worry that your baby might’t know who their Mum is. That they have been handled by so many strangers, and hooked up to Machines. But trust, me, they know you better than you know yourself. your smell, your voice. They’ve heard your heartbeat from the inside, they are in no doubt who their Mother is.

It’s okay to resent the Doctors and Nurses. Yes they do wonderful work, but they sometimes forget this is your first Baby, even if it’s their thousandth. They get to be with your Baby when you aren’t, they get to make decision which should belong to you, they got to hold your Baby before you did. It’s ok to struggle with that.

It’s okay to stamp your foot and say it’s not fair. You tried so hard to get it all right. No drinking, no smoking, not even any soft cheese. Why you?

It’s okay to be jealous of the Families being discharged. You know they’ve not had it easy, but why is it you are still here? it’s okay to watch them come and go and wish it was your turn.

It’s okay to stare at the heavily Pregnant lady, or the Couple with their new Baby leaving Hospital as you trapse through with your little plastic bottles of expressed milk for the fifth time that day. They didn’t steal this experience from you, you do not resent them, but it’s okay to look and wonder how things could’ve worked out differently.

It’s okay to feel utterly overwhelmed. What do all these long Medical words mean? What’s that noise? How on earth will you survived weeks and months in this hospital? how will your baby ever get big and strong enough to go home. But they will, trust they will.

It’s okay to feel angry, at the World, it shouldn’t happen to anyone, it shouldn’t have happened to you.

It’s okay to not want anyone else to hold your Baby when you get home, you have weeks of time they should’ve still been inside to make up for. There’s no rush, take your time, enjoy your cuddles, there’s plenty of time for everyone else’s turn.

It’s okay to feel the disappointment, that you didn’t get the Pregnancy and birth you hope for. That they will not wear their homecoming outfit (until they fit it in about four months time at least), and that nothing turned out how you imagined.

It’s okay to be afraid. Afraid they won’t eve go home with you, afraid there will be Medical issues yet to be discovered, afraid they won’t reach those milestones.

It’s okay to be a hygiene ninja. You can insist everyone antibacterials at the front door, you can ban anyone with a cold, you can insist on whooping cough vaccines. Protecting your tiny prem is what you were born to do, its okay.

It’s okay to not be okay, even after you get home. Once your Baby is gaining weight, and there’s no more Hospitals. It’s okay that if you close your eyes, and you still see the incubator and the blood, and the struggle is getting greater. It’s okay to get help, to deal with your PTSD. It’s okay to say; this experience has changed me and it’s not all forgotten just because I took my Baby home.

It’s okay to feel all these things. But I need you to trust me, that you are going to be okay; you and your Baby, your family. It might feel far from okay right now, but you are going to be okay and so much more xxx

As a new Parent, the first time you face flying with your Baby is often something which instills abject terror. Many avoid it for as long as possible. others exchange folk lore horror stories “did you head about my neighbours, sisters, colleagues baby who screamed so much the Pilot had to land the plane?“.

I was incredibly apprehensive when we set off on Intrepid Bebe’s first trip, which, inclusive of waits in Airports and the drive totalled 38 hours of travelling. I’ve already told you the benefits of flying with a baby who is a total sleep thief, nap hating, insomniac here. Now I give you the reasons that flying with a baby is actually BETTER than staying at home, along with a few hack for making things run smoother! If the prospect of landing in an exciting new place, perhaps seeing longed for family, or getting some Sunshine isn’ enough to keep you going, hopefully the following will help you feel a little more confident as you board your first family flight!

Thing a plane journey offers: all of the above. Chances are they will spend the vast majority of the Flight in a carrier or in your arms, which is their natural spot, and they are unlikely to complain.

Of course you dote on your baby everyday, but you also have things to try and get done, be that work, household chores, or even just checking social media. On a plane, there are minimal distractions, keeping bub happy will be number one priority at all times.

The dull lights, and dull hum of the engine is like a giant white noise machine, plus the noise drowns out a lot of baby noise!!

Things which are hard about being at home with a baby : there’s no one to chat to, there’s no spare pair of hands when you’re trapped feeding, you have to try and have enough handy to prepare meals, there’s no one to entertain your baby when you need the loo

Things a plane journey offers: all of the above

Even if you aren’t flying with a Partner (which was no where near as hard as I imagined FYI), there are plenty of people around to chat to, or ask to give you a hand, or simply people watch. Chances are fellow passengers won’t be able to resist cooing and playing boo with your little one. And the Cabin crew have always been great offering to holding Intrepid bebe so i could go to the loo. Plus they bring you tea-hot tea, to your seat, and sometimes they’ll even feed you.

Trouble shooter for flying with a Baby fears

Ears popping: SUCK-be that boob, bottle, dummy, or if all is lost fruit pouch or lollypop. On take off, landing, and any any large changes in altitude. The action of sucking and swallowing helps the ears equalise as well as provides a welcome distraction.

ALL the germs: as well as water free antibacterial hand wash for you all, I always recommend friends take some antibac wipes with them. These can be used to wipe down the arm rests and other plastic surfaces, plus and dropped teething toys etc. There’s nothing more miserable than arriving at your holidays destinations with stinking colds-and far more come from touching those surfaces than the myths about recycled air conditioning.

Poo explosions: honestly pack extra nappies and extra outfits, it’s tempting to chance it but the fall out is well, messy! We used 50% more nappies than in the same time period at home. I blame the cabin pressure!

People will roll their eyes and resent sharing their cabin with a baby: I read this on forums before flying and terrified myself. the reality has been that I have only ever received positivity and friendliness from fellow passengers in all the flights we have been on with our Daughter. I wrote here about why I do not believe in handing out ‘apology bags’.

And here are a couple of things I have to break to you

It won’t be like the flights pre kids. I managed 24 hours without one Movie and barely a proper meal because I was so focused on keeping my little one entertained/sleeping/changing yet another nappy. Try and readjust your expectations. yes you will probably do laps of the plane, but hey, there that’ll reduce your DVT risk no end!

Unless you are Parent on a freak baby (eg. I am SO jealous), they won’t sleep the whole way, even if you’re on a night flight, or it’s their usual nap time. Don’t get me wrong, they might, but do not rely on that!! Pack toys, snacks as though you were flying through the day. Preparation is the key to flying with babies.

They will probably cry at some point, but it won’t be the WHOLE time. If you are on a long haul flight, there’s a fair chance at some stage there will be some crying. To be honest, my daughter (who cried A LOT in her first year of life) really didn’t cry a lot on flights. But when they do, stay calm, it’s no where near as loud as it sounds to you. They will stop, and you will get off the flight, and it will all be okay!! (repeat mantra as required).

If you have any specific queries about preparing for your first flight with a Baby, I am very happy to do my best to answer based on our experiences.

As I clipped her into her Car Seat his Morning, Intrepid Bebe said “Mummy my best fwend”. Of course my heart simultaneously melted, and I felt a huge surge of guilt because I had been pretty impatient with her over night when she had woken up every half hour or so and driven my sleep deprived self nuts. She’s a big fan of the Peppa Pig “Best Friends”, so I imagine this inspired the comment-you may well have been subjected to it? The book neatly pairs people off: Peppa & Suzy, George & Dinosaur etc. She has recently become even more fascinated and infatuated with other children, and I adore watching her develop little friendships, and learn big social skills.

Often on instagram adorable image pop up of Mother and Child, with heartwarming capsules about being one another’s ‘Best Friends’. And even as Adults, when people refer to their Parents as their best friends, this seems so lovely. But is it actually possible, or even appropriate to be your Child’s best friend? And while I’m on the topic, should we have best friends at all?

Can you, and more importantly Should you be your Child’s Best Friend?

So first; my two pennies worth on Parent’s as your best friend. Whilst I would, of course, like there to be a friendship between my daughter and I, one of the toughest thing about Parenting is that at times, you have to do things in their best interests, even if they are not on board. It is our role to guide them, support them, and lead the way when they are not able to. I guess it depends on your own definition of a friend. I feel that a friendship is typically a relationship based on equality, and whilst there may be some overlap when friends care for and guide you, when that is all one way, it’s not a very balance friendship.

Friendship requires maintenance, you can outgrow friends, move away and lose touch, or even fall out. I want my Daughter to know that I am there for her, unconditionally and forever. Perhaps once you become an Adult, your relationship with your Parents can become more of an equal friendship? I am thrilled that, even in her little two year old eyes, she can view me as a friend, and I am happy to be her very first friend, but being her Mum is the role I will treasure the most (especially on the days in the future when she most definitely does not consider me her friend).

Should we be discouraging ‘Best Friends’?

Now on to the topic of best friends; I have heard of a few schools recently (such as this one, and this one) actively discouraging Children from having best friends. On the surface, I can see the merit in this-I am sure we can all take ourselves back to school ground bickering of who’s who’s best friend. And if you have Children of School age, I can imagine dramas of this kind are probably just as prevalent today. ‘best’ implies exclusivity, and singularity. Surely by definition you can only have one best friend?

I have a friend (she’ll know who she is) who must have easily 25 “besties”, I am happy to count myself as one. her friends often tease her, but it’s actually a lovely thought that you can be my ‘best childhood friend’, you are my ‘best work friend’ etc. Is best just another word for close? After my Childhood best friend emigrated (to Australia-which ultimately led to me meeting my Husband over there!), I never really had another best friend. I had lots of great friends in school, many of which I am still close to today, but no best friend. It wasn’t really until i started having Boyfriends that there was someone in my life I would refer to as a best friend.

This is an interesting observation, and is one of the arguments that some Psychologists have used against the ‘anti best friend’ School policy; that superficial relationships shouldn’t be encourages, and will this have a knock on impact in their later life? And i guess in someways those first ‘best friends’ are practicing for future relationships. Those qualities we value in the playground aged seven don’t alter hugely; loyalty, trust, funny, interesting, reliable. All things I would like from my life Partner.

I am very fortunate that I can say my Husband very much is my best friend. I have definitely heard Women speak before about how this is something they do not want, that they need their female best friend externally to their marriage. For me, whilst I adore and truly value my close friends, I couldn’t be married to someone and commit my life to them, yet not think of them as my best friend.

Ultimately, I think your views are probably largely influence by your own personal experience. Be that you had a life long best friend you couldn’t imagine your existence without, or because your child comes home from school feeling lonely and excluded.

I’d be really interested to hear you thoughts: do you have a Best Friend? Do you think that Children should be discouraged from labelling friendship in this way-do your children’s school do this?

Having not returned to work since my Daughter was born, deciding what to wear in the Mornings became something of uncertainty. After years of throwing on whatever particular work attire was required of me, suddenly I had free reign-like mufty day every day. Except I didn’t have the energy, motivation or wardrobe to match. This issue was somewhat taken out of my hands in the 13 months I was breast feeding. It was black leggings, and ubiquitous feeding vest errrrrday. But after that point, I really wasn’t too sure.

I’d imagine many of you are familiar, (and quite possibly own) the highly successful Selfish Mother “Mama” sweatshirts. They have raised hundreds of thousands for charities, and most recently have been spotted worn by Super Models and Celebrities. I was excited when the two I had purchased arrived. Not only did it give me some sort of “mum uniform” (along side the faithful Breton), so that my sleep deprived brain didn’t need to debate what to wear in the morning. The sweatshirt also made me feel like I was part of a club, helped me embrace this new identity. When I bought mine, the brand weren’t as big as they are now, so most of the mum’s wearing them were fellow “insta mums” (such a trend setter hey? ). We exchanged smiles, and nods of recognition. They’re lovely jumpers, bright colours, well cut, money goes to a worth cause, what’s not to love? And most importantly they proclaim to the world something I am immensely proud of. I am indeed Mama to a wonderful little human.

However I reached a point a few months back, where I really didn’t actually want this emblazoned across my chest. As if the eye bags, porridge encrusted clothing, and toddler hanging from my neck weren’t enough of a clue? It isn’t always the very first thing I want someone to know about me. Yes I am a Mother, I am also lots of other things. And I have a name, oh my goodness, is it just me who misses being referred to by their own name?

There were also moments I felt rather uncomfortable or inappropriate with this jumper. Was it ramming the message home to that couple I unknowing pass in the street who are desperate to conceive? Is it a punch in the guts to the Lady who has just miscarried? When a friend opens up to me about her abortion, all of a sudden my wardrobe choice seems very very ill timed.

So for now Mama jumper, you can head to the back of the wardrobe. No hard feelings. I am still immensely proud of this title, but I am perhaps ready to be viewed by the World beyond the one word description. And more important, perhaps I am ready to rediscover more of myself. As a Mum &…

This week for Intrepid Bebe Asks, I interview Katie. Katie is a Wife, Mum of two, and a good friend of mine. Katie is also my hero. I wasn’t really someone who had heroes growing up. There weren’t too many people I could readily identify as individuals who inspire, motivate, and make me want to be a better person. Katie does all that. Almost two years ago, she was handed a pretty crappy set of cards. As a new Mother, she discovered that, what was initially thought to be Mastitis, was in fact Breast Cancer. A nightmare scenario for any Woman, but as a new Mum, it’s hard to fathom what that might feel like. She not only faced this diagnosis head on, but did so with strength and grace. Katie’s story isn’t just important because it raises awareness of Breast Cancer in young Women, and new Mothers. Or because she can share practical advice based on her experience. It’s important because, if you can take a little of her outlook in life away with you, you’ll walk away a better person.

Please can you tell us a bit about yourself and your family
I am a 34 year old mum to two very ‘strong willed’ children, 4 and 2, who challenge me every day. A wife to my High School sweetheart (who also challenges me a lot!), but also knows me better than I know myself. He is my constant source of unconditional love, strength & support. I work 3 days a week in Communications and Engagement. I love fashion, interior styling, travelling, great food, great wine and spending time with great people.

And what is life in Moama like for people who haven’t been fortunate to visit home of the ‘Mighty Mowers’?
We moved to the border towns of Echuca/Moama (Australia), almost 11 years ago on a bit of a whim. After growing up in the country and then living in capital cities, Moama is a nice middle ground. It still has that Community feel of a smaller town but due to the high number of tourists there is always something going on, plenty of nice places to eat out, the weather is great and it is not too far from where we grew up or the bright lights of Melbourne where we regularly visit.
We never imagined we’d stay here as long as we have but we are so grateful we did. Even before I became ill we thought it was a great place to raise a family but after my diagnosis our Friends, the Football Club and the entire Community showed us so much kindness and generosity and I’m not sure we would have got through it as well as we did without them.

In February 2015 beautiful Bowie was born, could you please tell as about the months that followed, and what led to your Breast Cancer diagnosis?
Still in the newborn bubble and trying to navigate a new world with two kids I was hit with a bout of Mastitis when Bowie was about 6 weeks old. I didn’t think anything of it and a course of Antibiotics soon cleared it up. But my Breast remained lumpy and I was more conscious of massaging the area because I didn’t want it to occur again, until one day in the shower I felt a larger lump up near my armpit that I hadn’t noticed before. Still not concerned I showed it to my Husband and he insisted I get it checked out. My GP wasn’t particularly concerned either but thank goodness he referred me for an Ultrasound. Then, as they say; ‘the rest was history’ and our world was totally turned upside down. Two days later I was sitting in my GPs office being told I had Cancer. It’s a moment in time I will never forget and one that still gives me goose-bumps to this day.

Could you share with us what happened next & your treatment journey entailed?
I was given the diagnosis on a Friday and then literally the following week I was in Melbourne having biopsy’s, full body scans, meeting Breast Cancer Surgeons and Fertility specialists to discuss my options. It was an overwhelming and terrifying time. I was made to take tablets to stop me lactating and had to wean my four-month old Daughter onto formula within two days in preparation for surgery, which is still one of the toughest things we had to do.

Then less than 2 weeks after my diagnosis I was having surgery to remove the lumps in my breast and all the lymph nodes from under my arm. Thankfully they got all the Cancer and there was no evidence of it having spread anywhere else in my body but there are never any guarantees so I was required to undertake 6 months of Chemotherapy – 4 rounds every 3 weeks and then weekly for 12 weeks. I was really scared. You hear Chemo and instantly think of all the horror stories of people feeling so sick they can’t get up of the bathroom floor and vomiting the second the poison hits your veins but I was pretty lucky. I definitely felt groggy, lethargic and a bit ‘hung-over’ (but without the joy of having had a good night) for a few days but then there were some good days in between before you got the next hit. At the same time as the chemo I also had to have another type of treatment specific to my type of cancer called Herceptin, which is administered like a chemo every 3 weeks for 12 months but thankfully doesn’t have any side effects.

At the end of my Chemo I choose to avoid Radiotherapy and have a double Mastectomy and reconstruction at the same time. The surgery went well but the recovery process for me was complicated. I ended up with an infection on one side and had to have a number of follow-up procedures to fix the problem which resulted in a number of weeks in hospital away from my kids and a much longer time to recover than expected. My mum literally had to move in with us to take care of the kids and while she was amazing and we couldn’t have survived without her – I felt like I was watching someone else live my life as I couldn’t even lift my kids or do all the normal things I would usually do – it was really tough.
I am also on hormone treatment for the next 5 years, which involves monthly injections in the stomach and daily tablets to reduce my Oestrogen levels and hopefully inhibit any further growth.

You were an inspiration to me in the way you determinedly faced treatment, and still always managed a smile on you face and an ear for your friends. Not to mention being a Mother and Wife. Did this come naturally, or did you work to maintain a positive mindset?
Thank you, that’s very kind. In a way I didn’t have a choice. I had two little kids that needed me. They didn’t care how terrible I was feeling or how I looked they needed their Mum to feed them, change them and play with them and I didn’t want them to suffer because of what was happening to me. We wanted to try to keep life as ‘normal’ as possible.

But in a world that was so out of my control I did make a conscious effort to try to be in control of how I responded and my choice was to be as positive as I could. Don’t get me wrong there were days when it was really tough and I’d cry and ask ‘why me’ but generally my attitude was that most people have to overcome some sort of challenge’s in their life and unfortunately this was mine and so sitting around feeling sorry for myself wasn’t going to change that. And while I wouldn’t wish what we went through on my worst enemy I did learn a lot about myself and life and was shown so much generosity and kindness that I still take many positives away from the experience.

As a friend, I know I felt pretty helpless at times; we basically became feeders as our attempt to offer support. What advice would you give to a family member or friend of someone facing Cancer? And is there anything that really isn’t helpful?

I’m can understand how helpless you all must have felt but honestly you and Greg were an enormous source of support to me and my Husband! I still remember all the funny stories you sent me on the day of my first Chemo to try to take my mind off things and make me laugh, the flowers to brighten my day, the homemade baby food was the only thing that got me through starting solids with my daughter and Greg’s Parmesan Chicken goes down as an all time favourite!

You should really be asking all our Family and Friends this question because I think they honestly nailed it and seemed to anticipate our needs before we even knew what they were! One truly amazing Friend, with the support of possibly the entire town, coordinated a head shave, auction and family fundraising day. There was a huge turnout, and 4 of my close female Friends shaved their heads and so did a number of men. It was truly one of the most inspiring days of my life, knowing that we had such support. An unbelievable amount of money raised, which helped to pay for travel to and from hospital. and a holiday in Fiji once I was nearing the end of treatment. Another friend coordinated a food drive where we had meals made by different people delivered to our house for 3 weeks after my surgery! It still blows me away how caring and considerate people were.

But it’s not just the grand gestures that are important. You don’t want to be treated any differently but it is nice when people acknowledge what you are going through and check in regularly to see how you are doing. So anyone who made the effort to come see us, call, text, send flowers etc it was really appreciated and went a long way to brighten my day.

I would also remind people not to forget about the Partner, Parents, Siblings or Children of the person going through Cancer. My Friends were really great at popping over for a laugh, chat, cry or whatever was needed but Blokes aren’t quite as good in that department and I often worried about how my husband was coping as he had to try to keep it all together to look after me, the kids and still work full-time.

Coming to the end of your treatment was a huge milestone, was it a time of mixed emotions?
Yes absolutely. A Breast care nurse had told me that many patients find the post treatment phase the hardest and I totally get it. While you are undergoing treatment you are in this intense world of constant appointments, regular contact with Medical professionals checking you, telling you what to do, its horrible but in a way you feel safe, your life is pretty well mapped out for you and you get lots of attention and then suddenly it all stops. When you are in the middle of it, all you want is your old life back but then when it comes back what does that actually mean? There is joy and relief that the treatment is over but you also now have all this time on your hands to think about the ‘what ifs’ and it can be easy to get anxious about every ache, bump or lump.

Do you feel 100% now?
100% is hard to say (I still have 2 young kids remember!) but on the whole I would say I am pretty close. The hormone treatment gives me hot flushes, makes my joints ache sometimes and leaves me with other menopausal symptoms that are not particularly pleasant but are all things that I am learning to live with. I could argue that my concentration levels are still not quite what they used to be but maybe that is just a convenient excuse!

Do you have any advice for someone going through Cancer?
Everyone’s Cancer journey is different so it is hard to really offer generic advice. I can only talk from my experience and some of the things that I found useful or wish I had known.

Understand your type of Cancer, your treatment options and don’t be afraid to ask questions or get a second opinion. A Cancer diagnosis is very overwhelming. There is a lot of information to take in and there will be a lot of Doctors telling you what to do. But you still need to be proactive in managing your own heath and doing what is right for you. At the same time try not to get too caught up in the statistics or other people’s stories though because what happened to someone else might not necessarily be the case for you.

Take it one step at a time. Breast Cancer treatment is filled with many components and is a lengthy process. Surgery, Chemo, losing your hair, hormone treatment, Radiotherapy – and all have very different and difficult side effects. Thinking about it all at once is very daunting. Just try to get through each stage at a time.

By kind to yourself, ask for and accept help. I found that Chemo really had an impact on my energy and concentration levels and after surgery I wasn’t supposed to do any lifting for 6 weeks. We tried to keep life as normal as possible but I had to recognise when I was tired and couldn’t do all the things that I normally would. I got in a cleaner and accepted food and help with the kids from family & friends. I also had to limit the amount of time I spent on social media so I didn’t depress myself looking at people looking beautiful and doing fun things that I didn’t have any energy for.

Rock your bald-head. Shave your hair off before it starts falling out because no matter how prepared you think you are for it, it’s still a horrible feeling. Get some friends around, have a drink and a laugh, try on some crazy wigs and try to make the best of a bad situation. I guess I felt embarrassed about how I looked without any hair and didn’t want to freak people out or have them treat me differently so I covered up with wigs and hats all the time and didn’t show anyone other than my husband and kids. As a result I don’t really have any good photos of me without any hair. If I had my time over again I don’t think I would be so self-conscious.

Surround yourself with positive people and seek professional help if you need it. Read inspiring books, listen to music that makes you dance, start a gratitude journal, practice yoga or meditation whatever helps you to relax and feel good about yourself because no matter how strong or positive you are there will be bad days and you will need all the resources you can get your hands on.

Don’t be afraid to play the ‘Cancer card’. There are a lot of great assistance programs out there for people with cancer and their families – counselling, accommodation and travel reimbursements, holiday houses, childcare rebates, home help, health and beauty workshops – so use them, that’s what they are there for.

How is your life different now compared to pre diagnosis?

You can’t go through something like what we’ve been through and not feel different in some ways I think. From the outside I probably look the same (except that I have new perkier boobs and shorter hair!) but on the inside I definitely feel different. I have a new appreciation for life and I am trying to make the most of what it has to offer. My experience has given me the chance to reflect on what is really important in life and what I want for myself and my Family.

I am making a conscious effort to try to improve both my physical and mental health and wellbeing with positive food, exercise and lifestyle choices. I am also trying to fill my life with more things that I truly enjoy and people who inspire and uplift me. We were shown so much kindness and generosity during my treatment that I would like to be able to give back and support others suffering from cancer and I am currently getting involved in a number of charities and support groups. I also have a new perspective on body image and would love if I could find a way to help women feel more comfortable and confident in their own skin.

What does the future hold for Katie?
This is a very good question and one that I’m still trying to work out. In some ways I try not to think about the future too much as there will always be an element of uncertainty about my health and I don’t want to live in fear. There is also a danger in putting too much pressure on myself to live an ‘amazing’ life, as I feel like I have been given a second chance, one that many other cancer sufferers don’t get, and I don’t want to waste that but that is a big burden to carry.

So for now all I can really do is try to live in the moment, be grateful for what I have, make the most of every opportunity and try to be the best version of myself that I can.