You share a flat with three other girls who have endless lovers, while you still can’t find a boyfriend.

Your boss is between 27 and 35, impossibly handsome with steel-blue eyes, high cheekbones and a cruel but sensual mouth. Oh, and he’s a multi-millionaire.

Your next door neighbour is the leader of a SWAT team, or a Navy SEAL and he chops amazing amounts of wood every day, allowing you the chance to perve his tanned skin, broad shoulders and washboard abs.

The new guy in town, though unnaturally beautiful, is surly and reclusive, and is either hairier than usual, or has a marked aversion to garlic and sunlight.

You are 25 and a virgin.

Your measurements are 36, 24, 36 and you have perfect skin, but because you wear very large glasses you are convinced you are too ugly for love.

You have no hobbies except thinking about your boss, fending off your flatmate’s efforts to find you a date and listening to music. And an occasional thought for the mad ax-murderer who is stalking the city. Your laundry takes care of itself.

In spite of the fact that you spend ten minutes a day in the bathroom, your skin is perfectly smooth, your toenails are painted and “those bits” never need trimming. “Those bits” do not have names.

You spend a lot of time accompanying your boss to various exotic settings for business meetings, which never seem to take place in Frankfurt or Swindon.

Your boyfriend has a glamourous ex-girlfriend who has taken their break-up so badly that she is determined to kill any rival for his affections. She is rich enough to hire several thugs to do away with anyone who gets in her way.

Your daily commute is a ten minute stroll to work, or you get a lift in a helicopter. It never involves standing on a crowded train while a stranger gropes you.

You have a unique form of anmesia which means you have to keep looking in mirrors to discover what you look like.

Your family is using emotional blackmail to marry you off, and have arranged a marriage to a rich handsome millionaire whose reasons for agreeing are always suspect.

Once you have had sex with the hero, the power of your magical “bits” ensures that he will never want another woman again as long as he lives.

Your job pays lots of money, but allows you plenty of time off for chatty lunches with your friends, shopping and of course, time to have adventures with the hero. If you actually have to spend time with your co-workers, everyone will be keen to discuss the hero at great length. Your boss may stop by to offer a few sage words on how to conduct your love life.