Stories from a legal drug dealer

Category Archives: Uni

I stopped writing last night because I have a race next weekend. This morning’s run was fantastic, and the endorphin rush and energy lasted me till 5pm. I’ve been so reticent about running in the morning in winter because the sun won’t have risen yet, and it’s usually windy/rainy/crappy. However, with the big race so close, I got up and ran a new personal best, which I’m quite happy about. 10.5km in 57 minutes = 5:25 min/km!!

The view at the end of a new PB run 😀

Anyway, my life is currently overrun with drama. Let’s talk about uni, which has once again become a large part of my life.

Teaching hospitals are hotbeds of politicking and drama.

1. My year is the first cohort of post-graduate students for this course. They gave us fanciful labels, like “pioneers” and “scouts.” Oh please, you mean “guinea pigs.”

I wish I’d gotten a photo of what MF from my study group wrote on the whiteboard one session:

Welcome to Journal Club. In your first year of uni, can you say that you’ve killed/sued/brought on a nervous breakdown on your professors?

Or something like that.

2. They have tried to treat us like the usual 17-18 year old undergraduates, who are basically children. When Nurse G tried to reprimand us, we immediately gave feedback to our class representatives, who got the staff to speak to her and say, “You can’t do that.” She got the message.

3. They are trying to dictate new clinic coat standards. P has told me there is no evidence for cross infection control, or research on the incidence of proven patient/patient transfer in our setting. But they remain adamant that we must meet their new requirements, despite the fact that students for the past 10 years have had short clinic coats, and neither they nor their patients are on anti-retrovirals. Fucking saliva splatter studies.

4. The replacement for the course coordinator who had a breakdown is a real piece of work. Why?

I can understand that you want our undivided attention, but it’s unbelievably disrespectful to snap your fingers at us. Our cohort has students of a comparable age, qualifications, and life experience. Your attempt to avoid conflict by a dictatorial attitude is not appreciated.

We will be your future colleagues. Who the hell do you think you are to tell us to lower our screens because we don’t need to take notes?

I don’t want to hear your life story, about how you went to the best university in America, and “dated your professor on the quiet” and got married. I don’t care that your son has final high school exams, or about your “amazing” daughter who’s never dealt with death before, but has taken on all the cooking for her friend’s mother’s funeral. Shut up. If you absolutely must, finish your lecture on the history of the topic, and then talk through actual important, clinically relevant topics, you twit! Jesus fucking Christ.

5. I’m not encouraged to excel with my practical work. Last week, I was ahead of everyone else for one activity, standing around, waiting for 45 minutes to get something checked in 30 seconds so I could proceed to the next step. The tutor asked me why I was rushing and the coordinator told me to hide my frustration.

But you know what? I get it. This is the way things are. I just need to keep my head down, use my time more effectively instead of standing around, get through, and then leave this crap drama behind. Water off a duck’s back. It’s not worth the emotional energy. I have more important things to worry about. Like study.

Today, I was ahead again. We were allocated 6 hours for our practical work. I finished in 3 and a bit. People started asking me to critique their work, so I did it a bit. And then more and more people asked. I felt like such a twat. I mean, I learned it at the same time as you and I’m ahead, but I’m not more experienced or anything. And here I am, playing tutor. Oh well, they asked for my feedback. It was better than twiddling my thumbs.

I have seriously considered transferring back home for the course. We’ll cross that bridge when it comes time.

There may be a part 3, on my clinic partner, and a small group of girls who have distinguished themselves in our cohort as bitches.

Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve. –Napoleon Hill

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. –Steve Jobs

Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value. –Albert Einstein

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. –Robert Frost

If you can dream it, you can do it. –Walt Disney

You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. –Wayne Gretzky

I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. –Michael Jordan

Every strike brings me closer to the next home run. –Babe Ruth

Definiteness of purpose is the starting point of all achievement. –W. Clement Stone

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans. –John Lennon

We become what we think about. –Earl Nightingale

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do, so throw off the bowlines, sail away from safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore, Dream, Discover. –Mark Twain

Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. –John Maxwell

If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten. –Tony Robbins

The mind is everything. What you think you become. –Buddha

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. –Chinese Proverb

An unexamined life is not worth living. –Socrates

Eighty percent of success is showing up. –Woody Allen

Don’t wait. The time will never be just right. –Napoleon Hill

Winning isn’t everything, but wanting to win is. –Vince Lombardi

I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions. –Stephen Covey

Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up. –Pablo Picasso

You can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore. –Christopher Columbus

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. –Maya Angelou

Either you run the day, or the day runs you. –Jim Rohn

Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right. –Henry Ford

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. –Mark Twain

Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. –Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The best revenge is massive success. –Frank Sinatra

People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily. –Zig Ziglar

Inspiration exists, but it must find you working. –Pablo Picasso

If you hear a voice within you say “you cannot paint,” then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced. –Vincent Van Gogh

There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing. –Aristotle

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal. –Henry Ford

The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be. –Ralph Waldo Emerson

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. –Henry David Thoreau

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, I used everything you gave me. –Erma Bombeck

Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others. Unsuccessful people are always asking, “What’s in it for me?” – Brian Tracy

Certain things catch your eye, but pursue only those that capture the heart. – Ancient Indian Proverb

Believe you can and you’re halfway there. –Theodore Roosevelt

Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear. –George Addair

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. –Plato

Once you choose hope, anything’s possible. –Christopher Reeve

Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can. –Arthur Ashe

When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life. –John Lennon

Fall seven times and stand up eight. –Japanese Proverb

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. –Helen Keller

Everything has beauty, but not everyone can see. –Confucious

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. –Anne Frank

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. –Lao Tzu

The difference between a successful person and others is not lack of strength not a lack of knowledge but rather a lack of will. –Vince Lombardi

Happiness is not something readymade. It comes from your own actions. –Dalai Lama

The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible. –Arthur C. Clarke

First, have a definite, clear practical ideal; a goal, an objective. Second, have the necessary means to achieve your ends; wisdom, money, materials, and methods. Third, adjust all your means to that end. –Aristotle

If the wind will not serve, take to the oars. –Latin Proverb

You can’t fall if you don’t climb. But there’s no joy in living your whole life on the ground. –Unknown

Whoever loves much, performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is done well. –Vincent Van Gogh

Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears. –Les Brown

Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful. –Joshua J. Marine

The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing. –Walt Disney

I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do. –Leonardo da Vinci

Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless. –Jamie Paolinetti

Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free. –Jim Morrison

What’s money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do. –Bob Dylan

I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong. –Benjamin Franklin

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure. –Bill Cosby

A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new. – Albert Einstein

The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person who is doing it. –Chinese Proverb

There are no traffic jams along the extra mile. –Roger Staubach

It is never too late to be what you might have been. –George Eliot

You become what you believe. –Oprah Winfrey

I would rather die of passion than of boredom. –Vincent van Gogh

A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty. –Unknown

It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings. –Ann Landers

If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them, and half as much money. –Abigail Van Buren

Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs. –Farrah Gray

Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible. –Frank Zappa

Education costs money. But then so does ignorance. –Sir Claus Moser

Remember that the happiest people are not those getting more, but those giving more. –H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. –Confucius

Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others. –H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck. –Dalai Lama

You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have. –Maya Angelou

Dream big and dare to fail. –Norman Vaughan

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. –Martin Luther King Jr.

Do what you can, where you are, with what you have. –Teddy Roosevelt

The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any. –Alice Walker

Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning. –Gloria Steinem

It’s your place in the world; it’s your life. Go on and do all you can with it, and make it the life you want to live. –Mae Jemison

You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try. –Beverly Sills

Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. –Eleanor Roosevelt

Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be. –Grandma Moses

The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me. –Ayn Rand

When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it. –Henry Ford

It’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years. –Abraham Lincoln

The unit coordinator doesn’t give a shit. He uses the conflicting arguments to support badly cobbled-together lectures. They include: “You as post-grads should be independent in your study.”, “Some of you guys have no background in this degree, so you’ll need to do more study.” and “I want to have your academic backgrounds so we can tailor this course to you guys.” Why aren’t you making it equally accessible for everyone considering there are no pre-requisite units for this post-grad course?

Thank goodness for drugs (used appropriately and as prescribed.): Caffeine. Ritalin. Ativan. They wake me up, help me focus, and help me not freak out.

I think western society (very generally speaking) pushes a lot of boundaries. Sometimes that’s a good thing, like when it’s to challenge certain inequalities. Sometimes, certain boundaries are better left in place. Normally, I have a healthy respect for existing boundaries, particularly personal ones.

5 or 6 years ago, I had my boundaries pushed quite far. K was the second person I’d ever fooled around with, and certainly possessed a sharp tongue. K would say some truly appalling things, smirk at me and give me an appraising look to see if I’d rise to the bait. And I mean along the lines of, “those stupid fags” and regularly mocking the Asian accent. Interestingly, K never wanted to try full penetrative sex. Rather vehemently, K said, “I’ve been fucked over and I don’t want to do that to anyone else.” Oook…

If you asked me then if I’d ever push someone’s boundaries for the sake of it, I’d immediately answer with a horrified, “No!” But here we are.

Today in lab, we were doing a few different activities. M, who has given a flirty vibe since Day 1, immediately sat next to me and said, “Partners?” (Note: this is a different M to the one who sends unwelcome texts. This M is Australian, not North American.) The activities included testing the ability to discriminate distinct touch, temperatures, taste and proprioception. All very touchy-feely. I thought to myself, “Stuff it.” and went for it. I made sure M kept the blindfold on for the entire 2 hours. I subtly stroked M’s wrist with one hand while using the compass. I intermittently brushed my inner forearm against M’s leg when testing styluses against the skin with different temperatures. I grazed M’s cheek and jaw with my left hand when I held it still and put the different solutions on the tongue. I blatantly flirted by pouring a solution of quinine all over M’s tongue, ducking out of the way, laughing teasingly and rubbing M’s back.

What was my motivation for doing what I did? To see how far I could push the boundaries and see the results.

Should I have done it? Probably not, but it was pretty fun. Particularly when I saw a certain someone else get a bit jealous and engage in a bit of physical flirting too. J does have a boyfriend, though he’s in Melbourne.

Have I led M on to think that this could be something? I don’t think so, M knew what was going on and played along just the same.

Can bantering that ever so slightly verges on flirting (ok, not at all in this case) be considered crossing the line? In this case, M is happy to give mixed signals and knows the game. I’m never going to get involved beyond lighthearted fun. If both parties have full knowledge of the situation and there are virtually no consequences… is that so bad?

My dad flew back to North America recently. It was P’s birthday a few days later. After 6-7 weeks of parental hovering, I was overdue for some fun. I mean, finally, a point where I wasn’t given the third degree on what I was doing, who I was going with, how long I was going to be, queries on why I wasn’t studying….

GOOD GOD I HAVE A PROFESSIONAL DEGREE!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have tried to assert myself beforehand, saying that if I failed this second one, it was on me. After all, I’m paying for it. But my dad has this inexorable persistence. So that left me with one choice when Dad left: spend craploads of time at P’s. I think I overdosed a bit.

We went for Korean for birthday lunch.

Dinner with my workmates, then had waffles for dessert.

For P’s birthday dinner, everyone came over for some champagne and cheese. I know it’s usually wine, but it’s not my birthday. Besides, I got told off for nearly cutting the nose off the cheese. Oops. “Dragged up” was how P put it, teasingly. And then we went for some delicious French food. But I was so full by the main, I couldn’t finish the ratatouille. And this is odd for me. I usually eat everything bar garnish. Hello, I’ve said it before, what’s the point of running if you can’t eat what you want?

The invitations to go for drinks, for dim sum, to hit the running track with a uni mate.. they’re still coming.

I’m realising there’s a certain wisdom to my dad’s strict discipline:

The cost involved is always greater than what you think it is.

Lunch is more than the 2 hours to order. It’s travel time, it’s parking, it’s attention elsewhere. Star Trek Into Darkness this Thursday with P and P’s best mate is going to be more than a 2.5 hour movie. I’m going to be thrilled, my senses heightened… how am I supposed to come down from that and get my game-face on for study? Could I study after? No. That’s why I’m going to see it later at night, then sleep.

I’ve calculated the number of hours I need just to finish my notes (never mind studying them!) and doing my readings. All of a sudden, there’s that much more impetus NOT to go to lunch with my frenemy. I’ll write about that another time.

My dad was right. Dammit, how does this always happen? I can do this, I can say no. They will be there for me after my exams. Delaying gratification! I’m doing better with time management though. I’ve scheduled study for each day for the next 7 weeks till exams are over. I’ve studied from 8 to 6 today, with breaks for lunch and dinner. That schedule still has room for me to have drinks in the city at 9 with uni mates. Don’t make that face, I’m staying for 1 hour and then to bed! Promise.

This blog was meant to be a place for me to write down crazy things that happened so my relatives and friends could read it. Then I looked at my stats and found out they didn’t read unless I told them I’d posted (sensibly). Then I decided I’d write down things I’d prefer they didn’t see, like a diary. With this in mind, I’ve made a new category: Confessions. This may be haphazard as far as categories go; it’s not like I intentionally plan my weekend around regrettable acts. Although, I did plan a pub crawl for me and L who is leaving the city for good. Thank goodness that break-up was easy. Anyway, time’s a-wasting!

Confession #1: I thought vagina dentata was a real thing. According to wikipedia, it’s a supposed condition where a woman has teeth in her lady envelope and is central to cautionary tales against rape. And the source of inspiration for an anti-rape device.

However, I was most firmly disabused of this notion by the medical doctor in my study group today. At least he was nice about it. Let’s pretend it never happened, like most of high school.

Confession #2: Normally, I snack on crackers while I study because they’re plain and cheap. But one day, I decided, no, it needs something more: Nutella. After a midsemester on Monday, I came home, opened up the jar, and saw that I’d eaten 75% of a 750g jar of Nutella over 1.5 weeks. Oops. At least I didn’t eat it with a spoon. Which I have done before.

As for the midsemester, I didn’t do that great, but I am consoled that other people who did study heaps were unhappy about random questions. Why would I ever need to explain “primordial juices” to a patient??

Confession #3: I dreamt I had a threesome with P’s best friend and his wife. Twice. It was so naughty, but good. The thing is, I felt so guilty, even in the dream! Crazy. I have no idea why, but I nearly told P about it during sex. Why? I don’t know. Thankfully, I restrained myself. Even I know a topic like that is a mood killer.

Ok! And we’re done! Let’s never have another embarrassing thought or incident, ok?

Megan: Yeah, Annie wants to have a little pity party. You’re an asshole, Annie! You’re an asshole. I’m Life, is Life bothering you? You better learn to fight cuz Life is .. I’m Life and I’m gonna bite you in the ass!! It’s not me! Turn over! I’m trying to get you to fight for your shitty life and you won’t do it. You just won’t do it! Stop slapping yourself. Stop slapping yourself! I’m your Life, Annie! I’m your shitty – oh! …. Nice hit. Alright, I’m glad to see you got a bit of spark in you. I knew that Annie was in there somewhere.
[…] You’re your problem, Annie, and you’re also your solution. […] Come on, bring it in, there’s the Annie I knew was there. And you gotta wash your hair, you gotta wash that hair.

Oh dear. I wish sometimes I had someone who would come tell me they were Life and bite my ass. Or, you could picture a montage of the drab, boring parts of your life set to inspirational music. Well, we make do with what we have. Library ho!!!!