If You Do Not See Non-Stop, Liam Neeson Will Look For You

Is this what I’m doing now? Reviewing movies? Is this a movie blog now? Guess so.

So, Non-Stop. I saw this movie at a screening. To be clear, I walked out of a Need for Speed screening (after a death scene that would have lasted 10 seconds of realtime was slow-mo’d to 5 minutes of screentime) and into a Non-Stop screening. What is Non-Stop? It’s Liam Neeson on a plane. Now, you’re probably asking if I recommend you see it? I’ll answer your question with a question: it’s Liam Neeson on a plane. I know that wasn’t a question, but we’re talking about Liam Neeson here, and Liam Neeson doesn’t ask questions. He tells you what the fuck he’s about to do. And God help you, I said GOD HELP YOU if you bring up this man’s fuckin’ daughter.

I don’t have much to say about it other than that. It’s like someone asking how was that Winnie the Pooh movie? It was everything you’d expect from a Winnie the Pooh movie. How was that James Bond movie? It was everything you’d expect from a James Bond movie. How was Non-Stop? It was goddamn Liam Neeson on a goddamn plane. I hope that was the working title for this movie… “Rolling! Background action! This is Liam Neeson on a Plane, take 3, action!”

If you don’t want to see Liam Neeson on a plane, then honestly, I don’t know who you are, I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills…