Weekly Movies – Week 20

13 Cameras – Drama, Horror (2015)
A young couple move into a new house, the slum-lord is a sleazy guy. He has cameras installed in all his houses, he becomes obsesses with the lead character and becomes more extreme in his stalking.

It was creepy, horror? Not really, it was slow and had a lot of in my opinion unbelievable situations. Maybe it is a European vs. U.S. thing, script was ok but I think this plot had a lot potential but they did not fulfil it. Sometimes it is good if you get irritated by a character, in this movie I got irritated a bit too much. The characters portrayed are extremely stupid it seems. Again good idea but I did not like the execution. I would not watch this movie again.

Spoiler Alert - 13 Cameras

Well it seems that planting cameras during the day while people are away is easy, no one notices things moved or even clothing taken, the lead character has a creepy feeling about the land lord but that is it. At one point the couple in the movie break open the landlords closet where he keeps supplies, instead they find stairs down, and they are like hmm ok whatever. At some point the land lord goes in and fixes the door, makes it sound proof brings in 2 by 4’s and tools, lot’s of noise and going in and out. But he leaves no traces behind, that seems too far-fetched in a few hours. And the house dog enjoys the fast food the guy brings in to keep it busy, at some point the husband is cleaning a carpet because the dog threw up fast food, and they are both like it wasn’t me, well ok whatever. So it happens a few more times and they are still like hmm yeah sure. I get the husband is a selfish prick and the wife pregnant but come on. The husband is cheating with his beautiful assistant (how in the f he gets such beautiful women I don’t get he can’t talk well, is not that well-looking and is a huge douche), the assistant calls several times at night very late but the wife is like oh ok, the husband is covering everything up but it is too obvious but the wife is too blind. Well you get the point. This is not my movie, good idea bad execution.

Age of Tomorrow – Action, Sci-Fi – Thriller (2014)
A meteorite 1/4th the size of the moon is heading for Earth, a group of soldiers is send to the meteor to blow it up. But the meteor is not what it seems it is a spaceship full with drones that want to take over the world.

Acting is bad, special effects are below par, make up is funny, the story makes no sense, yeps ladies and gentlemen this is a The Asylum movie. Most of the movie does not make sense because it seems to be 2 or 3 different movies set in the same setting. They go back and forth the different “movies” and that is why it feels very rushed like whole scenes have been skipped. Characters make very stupid and unlogical decisions and so do the characters of the extras. The space suits are not that well made, just like it came from a toy store. It must be a very difficult time for a good actor to work on such a movie and working with almost amateurs and bad writing, trying to make something of a movie. Music is ok, they overuse it sometimes, it is probably stock music. This is not the best movie, nope seen it once means never again.

Spoiler Alert - Age of Tomorrow

So a huge ass meteorite is coming towards earth and it will hit it within 48 hours. Didn’t we have a special space program in several countries to see these things coming for a long time ahead? The dialogues are almost all set ups for clichés like I am sorry soldier, and go get your …… etc etc. So the aliens send a meteorite which is a space ship, when near Earth they send out a ton load of drones to earth with a mission, they must capture people with a teleporter beam and send them to their home planet. So suddenly after a few scenes the drones start killing because???? So the military is of course on the scene, a lot of terms are thrown around to sound military but it only achieves to make it sound moronic. At one point a group of firemen are stopped by a military patrol, the captain gets out to talk to them. An alien drone shoots a missile and the fireman survives by jumping out of the way but the soldiers are thrown against walls very far away but the fire truck next to the explosion? No problem, no scratch whatsoever. When it involves key characters the drones use their teleportation beam and otherwise they just kill people. So the team on the meteorite find a drone and let themselves to be teleported to the home planet, they go into a big structure and most die, get caught and so on. The bad boy boss of the team gets captured in the end and is brought to their mother, a big queen spawning eggs, she telepathically connects to him and she tells him the complete plan. Oh yeah, here we go. A dying race going planet to planet to harvesting for the last queen to keep her alive. One of the aliens has captured a female member of the meteorite team and hand cuffs her to a metal pole thing, he starts caressing her. Like it would be attracted to a human, what are the odds? The boss is the only one surviving his team and gets a message to earth how to kill the aliens. Things like if you are listening to this you are the resistance, men final hope, see setting up for clichés. So they send people to the planet to rescue people, they send two, yes two people an old army dude and the fireman who wants to rescue his daughter, so they give him his fire axe and that is it, no armour, no good weapons, nothing. Moments after they arrive suddenly 7 more marines are teleported in, like the couldn’t do that the first time. This team has lesser weapons than the first team (the one from the meteorite, and they couldn’t kill the aliens), and yes the fireman with the axe kills an alien with the said axe. But ok to the ending, they use a nuke on the meteorite, the fireman finds his daughter and saves her but she gets shot they get outside and hundreds of the aliens are watching at them making very weird noises he attacks one of them and ending of the movie.

Backdraft – Drama, Horror, Mystery (2015)
A psychiatrist has lost his daughter in an accident, life goes on and he takes on patients. Something is wrong with the patients, they seem to be different. In search for answers the man uncovers a far deeper story within his own memories.

I want to like this movie more than I do, the story is interesting, they do copy some things from other movies which I did not like but ok. It felt like it raced through the first act like a mad man, in the second act it becomes a bit more relaxed and things begin to unfold. Ending was predictable and actually an anticlimax, that is why I give it a 4 instead of a 6 (there a few other small things). The movie is set in Australia, but the lead actor is from new york, people say his accent is spot on. To be honest it irritated me a bit, maybe that is because of me but it did irritate. The premise of the movie is interesting so if you don’t have anything to do and want to have an easy Horror flick then this one might be ok.I have to be honest that it sometimes felt like there was some lazy writing, some things that happen are impossible in life (yeah I know it is a horror movie but this is not about the dead people but about technical things that cannot happen). Copying some things from other movies is also lazy in my opinion. If they would have put more time in it I think this movie would have been a hit. Would I watch it again? No when you have seen it once then it is ruined. If you want to watch this movie do not I repeat DO NOT READ THE SPOILER.

Spoiler Alert - Backtrack

So the lead character his patients are ghosts, it has something to do with his past but he does not remember any more. So after finding out that the ghosts want something from him he realizes he has to go back to his birth town. He is back and seems to a very bleak secret, a buddy and he derailed a train with a lot of people, by putting their bikes on the rail, so I was like no way that is too far-fetched. Later on it is explained that it has to do with something else. Oh his father was chief of police in the town. He feels guilty and he confesses, he does not involve his old buddy, but hey karma is a b***h and he finds his buddy hanging from the ceiling in a small train house to change tracks. Well after a while he is not done yet, he must remember what really happened. After a lot of serious stares into nothingness he remembers that his father raped and killed a girl (10 years or so) and while that happened they where in the wheel track changing house and she pulls on a lever and voilà the train derails. Ok, come on, a little girl being strangled can flip the lever? No way, but ok it seems more logical. In the end his father dies on the track while in a car. So that is the movie.

Blood Rage – Horror (1987)
Todd and his twin Terry are at the cinema, Terry kills a man and his brother is institutionalized as he was blamed. Todd escapes 10 years later on thanksgiving and starts a bloodbath, Terry seemed to behave all those years but now his violent side is also awake.

Bad acting, bad effects, bad script but still a bit awesome this has 80’s B-Movie written all over it. It is a tad chaotic but fun enough to watch. Blood gushing, heads splitting jeps this movie is very bad. I don’t have to say that much about the movie this sums it all up. Would I watch it again? I don’t think so.

Estranged – Thriller (2015)
A couple are on vacation, they ride on a scooter and after going far too fast they have a huge accident. The girl is injured in her head, she can’t walk any-more, lost part of her memory and has a big hole in her head. She goes back to her family, she does not remember why she left in the first place. Her boyfriend helps her to recover, but something is wrong, the reason she left must have been a good one.

Good acting, beautiful scenery and an ok story, yes ok, they try to push your boundaries a bit too much. There is some violence involved that can be very graphic and realistic. Why did I give it a lower rating? Well the story was too predictable and it happens really fast. Acting is good in this movie but I felt like the story could have been better, a lot better. It goes into a certain road that should have been taken slower or not at all. I won’t say too much because this is a movie when you have seen it once the surprise is gone. If you want to watch this movie do not I repeat DO NOT READ THE SPOILER.

Spoiler Alert - Estranged

The story is ok, the girl goes back home but it is clear when she went away something went wrong. The tension in house becomes very nasty and the boyfriend is certainly not accepted by her family. After a few days it is clear that the father wants to get rid of the boyfriend, one morning he is gone. It is so clear that he has been killed and probably buried somewhere on the estate. As she starts to learn how to walk again she rummage around the house when she is left alone (which is not often), she finds newspaper clippings about a suicide that happens and she remembers. Realizing this is not her family but an other family that hated her father and killed him. The mother is her biological mother and is genuine concerned with the girl. After she finds out she tries to escape, almost succeeding and of course she gets caught by the family (consisting of a father, mother, sister and brother). Well she is put in the cellar and raped by the father, she gets pregnant and must stay. Well a lot more violence occurs and in the end she is helped by the butler (oh they have a butler). Not a bad movie but I thought it went too fast and the script is too obvious. I get the mansion or house is far out in the country but no one notices that the family there does not belong there? It sounds very unlikely.

Hard Line – Comedy – Horror (2016)
A man tries to survive the zombie apocalypse, we see him before, within and after the outbreak. All from point of view.

An ok Zombie movie, the make up is not the best and the story is well very loose. The acting is not the best but also not the worst of it all. It plays a lot with the emotions of the main character. I haven’t found the Comedy part of this movie, and I have quite a black sense of humour. The story goes too fast for my taste, a more coherent story and 10 to maybe 20 minutes more could have been a good thing. I like the start and ending of the movie most, you need to see that for yourselves if you want to know why. This movie is also known as Dead Rush. Would I watch this movie again? Maybe in a zombie movie marathon.

Spoiler Alert - Hard Line

The beginning of the movie is not very special on it’s own, a zombie chases a woman with her daughter into a building. The mother sacrifices herself for her child and the zombie runs after her. In the end of the scene the zombie kills the girl, at least so it seems. Here is why I like the beginning and the ending. At the end the character who you have been following the whole movie is a zombie and is the one going after the mother and daughter. Now we see the scene from the zombies perspective and we learn that the mother did not die and the child neither. So David and his wife are pregnant and she has some weird rash on her shoulder, an infection is going around making people crazy. So he goes out drinking for his birthday and gets a call from her that she needs help, with the help of a friend (both drunk) they get to his house where his wife is taken out of the house by the police (and others in the neighbourhood as well) in razia style. They shoot her and he gets away with his friend, they hold up in a gym. The friend turns and he kills him. He goes outside and gets an accident with his car. He wakes out in a compound where a priest is protecting people. They find out a child has been bitten but not turned so they go look for the child. In the end he is infected, the compound is overrun and as he goes outside he becomes a zombie. Final scene is him running after the mother and daughter. In the end there isn’t extremely much story but I have a soft spot for it. I really like the interaction between David and his wife, how much he loves her and the impact when she dies. The effect that it has on him goes through the whole movie.

Paradox – Action, Drama, Sci Fi (2016)
A group of reject scientists work on a secret project, they want to create a time machine. It succeeds but someone will kill them in the future, who can it be?

The premise of the story is actually interesting, specially if you like Sci Fi time travelling movies. Sadly enough not all the actors understood that if you say that you are an actor you actually need to act like the character in the script. Special effects are mediocre but it can be worse, music is quite nice, specially if you run Sci Fi rpg sessions. It is too damn obvious who the plot will unfold, you can predict who the killer is and probably have it right at the end. They tried their best with one place indicating that their budget was not that high. At least that is what I think, oh by the way giving a person an English accent while clearly not English sounds very crappy unless they actually practised it before the movie and perfected it. Would I watch this one again? Nope, not a chance

Spoiler Alert - Paradox

They take the concept of time travelling and send a person an hour further in time. The main character who travelled in time goes to a future where everyone in the facility is dead. He goes back to stop it but finds a camera before he jumps back. The whole crew is trying not to repeat everything but they do, because if you have seen it before you cannot change it. The whole thing is a bs story about someone who wants to make money with stocks in the future by going back to the past. Whole sequences who the killer is that is killing every one of them, at an early point you realise who the killer is. That one is so cliché, but it works. Right? Right? In the end a lot of fighting and explosions and tada movie ends with an unsatisfied feeling.

Slender – Thriller (2016)
Two friends and the girlfriend/sister are making a documentary but they do not have a subject. One day one of the friends sees a woman talking about losing her children and the shadow creature. They start investigating with the idea it is fake and it is a documentary about fear.

Acting is totally not natural and the script is very bad to say the least. I did like the idea so that is why I won’t give it a 1. The whole execution of the movie is boring, the end is somewhat confusing and of course has jump scares. The movie is far too unprofessional in my opinion, and the found camera stuff is not that interesting any-more. Sometimes a good one pops up but this is not that one. Oh and they assume that cameras when interfered still make weird noises like hand-held tape cameras. They use the sound trick far too much. Would I watch this movie again? Are you kidding me? Nope.

Spoiler Alert - Slender

There are scenes that are utter boring, they have conversations about nothing and it sounds extremely unnatural. The end scene with everyone running around, the weird children voices and the darkness is not extremely bad. But again the jump scare I hate them, it is too easy. The ending is predictable, everyone dies, but you won’t see slender, the budget was probably not that big (and it shows). The ending really sucks the guy who wanted to film in the first place has a camera in its lap that of course is pointed at his face saying “You are not real, you are not real” too many times. Something about if you believe in him he can take you otherwise he can’t. Stupid movie.

Sociopathia – Horror (2015)
A young woman has a psychological problem, she works in a FX shop. She needs someone to love, but does she love a bit too much?

Crap, that is the only thing I can say, it is really bad. Acting is beyond horrible, specially the main actress. Too much sex scenes, all lesbian and a lot of boobs. And the blood effects holy shit stain batman. This must be one of the worst CGI blood effects I have seen in a movie from the last two years. There is a lot of psycho outbreaks that make no sense whatsoever, I have the feeling this movie is almost a clone of another movie, Maniac. I would never watch it again.

Spoiler Alert - Sociopathia

So this young woman is insane, she probably has psychosis. She gets girls to her house and then kills them, she makes them pretty and keeps them around. So one of her problems is that the bodies rot, but she works as a FX technician, she could have easily put plastic or some other substance on them to “preserve” them better. She lies in bed with her victims etc. etc. So she meets a woman, she falls in love and she has a neighbour (guy) she starts to like. They both get other relationships and she is of course jealous hurting both their respectively partners. In the end the woman she met comes by after she calls with suicide threats and then kills her. Ok, so she sees the corpses alive and they interact with them. In the end the corpses take her and do something to her. Crappy movie. Oh by the way almost every woman is gay, really.

Symptoms – Horror (1974)
A woman visits one of her girl friends in an empty house to stay and look out for her, the woman hears weird noises in the night. There are others residing in the house?

Nice movie, good acting and scenery is very nice. It is very gloomy through the movie, music is very fitting. It begins slow but it builds up to a good ending. This movie requires a bit of patience but it will be worth it. Btw you must know that this is a smoking commercial movie or something, almost got lung problems from watching it. This is a nice movie, would I watch it again? Maybe.

Spoiler Alert - Symptoms

The woman goes to her friend’s house and stays with her, she hears weird things coming from upstairs. She thinks other people live there but after a while she notices that her friend masturbates at night and is quite loud. After a while the friend becomes very possessive of her and gets pissed off at her boyfriend that wants to take er away. Then the shit hits the fan, you realize that it isn’t a ghost movie or anything like that. The friend has psychosis or something similar and kills her. She gets confronted by a grounds-keeper who found another body in the water and tries to extort her but guess what bye bye grounds-keeper. In the end it is a psychological horror/thriller. She hears voices, sees things that aren’t there etc. etc. Sometimes the friend creeped me out.

The Offering – Drama, Horror, Mystery (2016)
A police woman finds out her sister died, she goes to identify her body in Singapore. Apparently there is an entity in her sister’s house pestering her young niece.

I wanted to like this movie, I like the story on itself. But I couldn’t get passed the badly executed clichés, the flat acting, irritating nonsensical priest character and the irritating kid actor. There are conversations and actions that no normal human would ever do. The music was ok, was it scary? No, too many elements actually where more comical to me. Was there mystery? Yeah kind off but it goes away very soon. It would have been nice if they would have researched the topic better, or execute it better in the movie. Normally I like these kind of movies but this one was meaningless. Would I watch it again? Nope.

Spoiler Alert - The Offering

Leviathan? Really? So they take one of the strongest demons ever but he is a degenerate idiot who is defeated in a very simple way. Wauw. The concept that demonic powers would use binary and computers for their own gain sound good. But if it done the way this movie does then it sounds like a twelve-year-old wrote this script. It goes from one scene to another very quick and they explain everything in the end, most of the movie you are watching people seeing ghosts. And the weird and irritating is that they see ghosts but if someone else says something about supernatural things they all look like water is on fire. Maybe the writer had a very good script in his head but just like a teenager in school began far too late on the deadline which resulted in a too hastily written crap. With more time and maybe someone who would have co-written, then at least the second person could say to the main writer, dude you sure about that? That sounds moronic maybe this could work. Well enough about this movie, it is watchable but that is it.

The Ouija Experiment – Horror (2011)
Friends come together to play with an ouija board, they release a spirit. The spirit is not very nice and starts pestering the group.

Over acting at its best, verbally and physically. The story is so weak that weak sauce would be an understatement. Their acting is like kids having a school play and have been told to overact, to emphasize on the mood of the scene. At one point a character gets a jump scare from an other character and almost says “Girl you had us…” but she recovers in mid sentence to “It’s probably this Ouija board talk. The characters are so flat and unlikeable that you really want to punch some sense into them and give them acting lessons. They use the cheapest way to make horror movies, hand held cams and jump scares. They point out when sounds are heard or things happen while they film it, another sign of bad acting. Oh and bad actors, probably cheap. Did you know that ghosts sound like Chewbacca after a week of smoking weed and eating Mexican food all the time?I was sure it was a comedy but according to IMDB it wasn’t. Did they do things right? Don’t know could not take it seriously. I would say if you like to torture yourself with movies then this one is a good one. The “good” thing is that there is a sequel and guess who will be watching it? Yes this sorry bastard writing. If I could I would give it a -1.

Spoiler Alert - The Ouija Experiment

They talk to a few spirit a mother, daughter and neighbour. They find out that the daughter was killed by the neighbour and the mother killed the neighbour and now they are bad spirits. It is annoying that a demon like noise is heard now and then and the characters are going to search for it but in the wrong places, like the sound has been edited into it later. One character even talks about not knowing karate but knowing crazy and jumps like a fake martial artist in his living room. Thankfully people start to die, which I rooted for to happen. When people film weird stuff the ghosts and voices cannot be captured, even tough everyone is hearing and seeing things they do not believe the guy. Really? So this is a found camera like of movie, so how did the watcher see the ghosts but the other characters not? Ok, ok, it is made for the watcher but ok. Oh did I mention this movie sucks very much? Well, there you go.

The Ouija Experiment 2: Theatre of Death – Horror (2015)
So part 2 exists, in this one the actors promote their movie in a theatre and one of them plays with the Ouija board from the movie releasing a malicious spirit in the theatre.

I thought it would not be possible to top the first movie, but this one is even worse. They overact more than before, they talk to themselves even more and the writing is even more lazy than before. The make up is not very good and the inconsistencies in the movie are worse than in the first one. Acting is extremely bad, I would have not thought that the actors from the first movie even became worse. Mostly you become better, but they became worse. Especially the main actress is excruciating bad. They use the same music as in movie one but they overuse the tension building up music. Specially at the beginning of the movie the sound is really bad, they have erased some sound probably because some outside sounds where bad. But it also erased some parts of the dialogues. This time the ghost sounds like a sewer that is making gurgling noises after you have taken such a sticky dump that it can’t flush everything down on one go. Too many clichés executed the worst way, even the jump scares in this one where bad. Btw this movie is known under several names; The Ouija Resurrection, The Ouija Haunting, The Ouija Experiment 2: The Ouija Resurrection. Please, please do not watch this movie, unless you like Z-Movies but then very very very bad. If I could I would give this movie a rating of -5.

Spoiler Alert - The Ouija Experiment 2: Theatre of Death

So a Ouija experiment weekend has been organized by some idiot. Three of the original actors come by to promote the movie and be part of the weekend. The player from part one is a player in real life as well, he tries to hook up with a girl and go down to the basement where the Ouija board from the first movie is. They play with it and unleash the spirit in the theatre. Now the spirit is pissed off and goes after the actors, and the people who arranged the weekend. The theatre is turned into a ghost house experience, after one guy dies and no one finds him, very tidy ghost.The actress again has a stupid line: “If I where fake blood where would I be?”, for real? So another good one is “You know where the downstairs basement is?”. A sheriff pops up somewhere in the movie, later he kills someone but the gun sound is not really there, he is in cahoots with the ghost. It is her daughter, a grown up woman, he is far too young to be a father of such a older woman. God cursed him and his wife which was also his sister by killing her when giving birth to the “ghost” which is a “creature” and he kept her down in the theatre and feed her human flesh? Why? All this is told by him in a monologue, those always work when the plot sucks. Oh he let his daughter start to death, and then she became a ghost, tada. Apparently they brought the spirit back thanks to playing with the ouija board, twice. Well the two girls left kill the sheriff take his gun and shoot the creature several times, it seems to die but come on the obvious happened it stood up killed one of the two girls, the other stabs it with a kitchen knife and voilà that does the trick, no one standing except the Australian girl or is it? The end is her walking away and in the background the sheriff stand all bloodied and that is the end. Everything is too stupid too write about, it is just too much crap.

The Perfect Husband – Drama, Horror, Thriller (2014)
A couple has marriage problems so they decide to go to a cabin owned by an uncle. They want to rest and work on their relationship, sadly her husband is very jealous and it becomes very violent.

The actors if we can call them that are sub-par or even below it. No charisma, no way to express, very flat. The main actor has a very irritating raspy and sometimes very soft voice and both have a bad accent, Italian I think. Their IMDB profiles say that they have been born in the US but still the accent. Their profiles praise them for their work in movies, which is mostly pfffffffffffffff. The story is very simple and the twist of the movie is a wtf moment but somewhat stupid. Nope not watching this movie ever again.

Spoiler Alert - The Perfect Husband

So the main actress gets out of the car and walks away to smoke, she notices she is being watched. Her husband stayed in the car making sure her phone did not have any traces of cheating. She comes back and asks him “Where you looking for me?”, he answers with “No” and then she contemplates and asks “Are you sure you were not looking for me?”. Wauw the hell is that? But to go on with my ramble, they go to the cabin and there the husband acts very weird, possessive and jealous. She collapses in the woods and is found by a police officer (tjezus very bad acting alert) and he is of course jealous. The jealousy goes far enough for him to snap and hurt his wife, she tries to escape and then the twist at the end. She kills her husband and then we see a flashback to a week before where her husband talks with a specialist that after a stillbirth she has become insane. We find out that she was actually the one behind all the violent etc. etc. so the husband was innocent. The psychological problems this woman has is totally not realistic. Oh somewhere in the movie she runs away and finds a guy in the woods, and the guy rapes her. Yeeee, Italian horror movies. Maybe I missed it but who who was watching her in the beginning of the movie? Maybe it is part of her breakdown.