Tuesday, August 19, 2008

I shouldn't be doing Grad School right now. It something I keep feeling more and more sure of as the days go by. I'm almost $100,000 in debt and that's just the undergrad. I don't have means for paying this. I don't know if getting this masters will really get me the means to pay it later. I keep having these terrifying visions of drowning in mountains of money that I owe other people, and I wonder why people do this? I want to help people but in order to do so I've got to cripple myself because I am terribly unprepared. And trying to find real help to get prepared to deal with this whole financial thing is so confusing. The people are so nonchalant about everything. It leaves me with the distinctly serious feeling that I SHOULD NOT BE DOING THIS.

My parent's are very sure otherwise. Don't worry about it now. You have to spend a little to make a lot. But it's not like I'm going into an exactly lucrative career. It's not like I'm going to be making large sums of money to pay back the even larger sums of money I owe. The amount I owe is going to be disabling me from really doing the good things that I want to do.

I keep thinking that on this one I really should throw the towel in. I really should call it a day, and just go find a way to earn money until I've paid for a large portion of my undergrad. Like 40,000 or so. Just knock it down by a fair amount and then, once you have to footing necessary to stand strong, go back and kick ass.

I'm very scared. I'm very out there. Things are out of my control and it has me terrified.