Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The oldest trick in the book is naming Iceland Iceland when it's really quite green. If I wrote a book entitled "The Oldest Tricks in the Book," it would have 1 page which would say "Naming Iceland Iceland."

Friday, December 05, 2008

Man, FUCK THAT GAME! You know how many times i died just because icouldn't figure out ONE stupid jump?! The game obviously just wantedto hate me. It knew where i was trying to get, yet just sat there andwatched me fall into the abyss (and that sound when you hit theground... like a sack of beef landing on a bunch of sticks...shivers). 50 fuckin times. Oh and give me a fucking gun. Jesus.what kind of moron runs up to a guy with a machine gun and body armoron and tries to steal it from him? My strategy was as follows: run upthe first guy, die like 20 times trying to get his gun because theslow motion thing fades in instead of starting instantly. once i gotit, try to shoot as many of the other guys as possible. of course,since i can't reload, i could get about 4 shots off before i have tothrow the gun away and repeat. yeah, i know, the game isn't meant tobe like that, but then don't put guys i need to kill in order tocontinue.

And what's the deal with the doors? She only understands red doors?When you walk up to a door that isn't red, she is confused. handles?what? i don't understand handles. i mean, come on. So much for freeroaming. And what kind of person designs buildings with doors youhave to climb a ledge and swing on bars to actually get to?

the only reason i wanted to keep playing was so i could keep doingcool stuff. at least, i think it was cool. since i never really sawmyself doing anything (except my feet when i hit the ground), i don'treally know.

is it an innovative game? yes. i like the camera focus thing, and thejumping thing or whatever. I like the music, and the story isn't bad. But as soon as i finish it (i got to the last level after about 5hours) i'm selling that game. I'm glad i got it used for 40 bucks,maybe i can break even with some poor other sap.

Monday, November 10, 2008

A website which allows people to share a credit card among many people (like 1000s). This way, you build up crazy points faster. They could have a giveaway each month to give the rewards to. Not only for credit cards, but for shopping rewards cards as well. Could be useful for kids/people without credit cards to shop online (as long as they pay up front) or for people who just hate being tracked. Certainly against every credit card company's policy but it would be cool to see how long someone could keep it going before they got shut down.

After re-reading that, sounds like the only people who would use this would be people who have no credit/bad credit and criminals... but just think of all the reward points...

Everyday millions of people face a struggle. Do I want antioxidants or do I want a healthy brain? Do I want to live longer or do I want to be more focused? Do I need vitamin C with taurine or with zinc? Why do I have to choose between these? Why not just make a drink that has everything in it? If you saw two drinks in the store, and one had vitamin C and the other had EVERYTHING, which one would you pick? Sure it would taste like balls, but do people really drink these "vitamin waters" because they taste good? Weekend Task: 1. Buy every flavor of vitamin water and 2. mix them together. 3. Ingest the bubbly liquid/sludge. 4. Travel to different dimensions killing your doppelgangers until you are The One with Jet Li. 5. Comment on some loser's blog...

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

+1 this is all bullshit!;+1 for sleeping your way to the top;+1 for introducing reality television... Put some crazy people on the air and watch the ratings soar;+1 for tirades that are just as true today then they were in 1976;+1 oh my god, that's the father from Big Fish!;-1 no wait... that was Albert Finney;+1 for Robert Duval though;+1 for describing the world of 2008 in 1976;+1 "I'm as mad as hell and I'm not gonna take this anymore!";+1 for creating a monster and having it turn on their creators;+1 for a network exec that's as crazy as Howard Beale;+1 for Life cereal commercial during the credits;

Final Score: +10Well certainly more entertaining than the alien one. I think today we need a Howard Beale on primetime, but until we do, you should check out this flick. Also, of historical note, Peter Finch (Beale) was the first actor to win an Oscar after he had died. Will the Joker be next?~RussNetwork (1976)

So my friends got me that 1001 Movies to See Before You Die book when I moved and I've started watching a few of the odder movies in it. I'll be posting as many reviews as I can in here, just so I remember what they are about...+1 for David Bowie (obviously);+1 for a young Rip Torn;+1 wait Rip Torn is into raunchy sex?;-1 with underage college co-eds;+1 wait, with underage college co-eds!;+1 for aliens and their advanced technology;-1 self developing film? Really? Is that it?;-1 wait, they heard about Earth on TV?;+1 Bowie's into rough sex too?;-1 with guns?;-1 ahhhhh David Bowie's penis! Woman who fell to Earth?;-1 damn and Rip Torn's too? Clearly someone had some sexual issues Roeg;+1 for making David Bowie even more creepy than he already is;+1 he scared the piss out of me too;

Total: 2Final Call: David Bowie is actually an alien, so this was more of a documentary.~Russ

Again with the late review, but here goes:-1 for waiting in line for 1.5 hrs after this movie being out for 2 weeks;+1 for IMAX;+1 for the Joker;+1 for the Joker;+1 no, seriously, the Joker was awesome;+1 for Bale;+1 for Maggie;+1 for making me want to be Bruce Wayne (who is a rich d-bag, but the good kind);+1 for Believing in Harvey Dent;+1 for at least 2 "whatatwist" moments;+1 for one cell phone sonar trick;-1 for everyone cell phone trick (why did they even need that?);+1 for Morgan Freeman;+1 for "and your idea is to blackmail him?" line;-1 for no one being able to recognize the Joker in a cop uniform;-1 for no one noticing a nurse with clown makeup on;+1 for Joker bedtime stories that make you smile;-1 for SOMEONE dying;+1 for making citizens more heartless than criminals;-1 for Batman being a huge puss and not running over the Joker;+1 because then the movie would have kinda sucked;+1 for the Bat-Bike with infinite missiles;+1 for Harvey Two-Face/Skeletor;+1 for Joker tirades;

Final Score: 12Let me know in the comments if I missed anything...~Russ

Sunday, June 29, 2008

I saw 3 movies this weekend: WALL-E, Get Smart, and Wanted. Ironically, that is also the order in which I rank them. WALL-E was an amazing film. I teared up twice and it pretty much poked fun of all the major sci-fi movies in recent history. +1 for making a garbage compactor cute. +1 for making fun of fat, lazy people. +1 for HAL-9000-like main computer. +1 for having a clear message but being less preachy than Happy Feet. -1 for robots being "weakened" by damaged circuit boards. +1 for the many Apple references.

For Get Smart, it was a lot of Mel Brooks type humor. Lots of fast dialogue with quick jokes coming mostly from people not being on the same page. +1 for having the Rock in it. +1 for fat Steve. +1 for short fat guy from Borat. +1 for Hiro and guy from Capital One comercials. +1 for Bill Murray in a tree. -1 for not having more Bill Murray. -1 for predictable storyline. -1 for guy falling out of a plane, landing on a pig, and surviving. +1 for ass cheeks.

For Wanted... Well.... At least I only lost $4 on it. +1 for "curve the bullet." +1 for naked chick. -1 for showing us the best parts of the movie in the preview. -1 for exploding rats. -1 for trying to be real but then having absurd things happen. -1 for stupid lines before killing people. +1 for a twist. -1 because the twist was expected. -1 how did she get on the train car? -1 for "circling the bullet" -1 for leaving the plot open for a second one, even though they probably won't make one (oh wait)...

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Monday, June 16, 2008

Ok, P. told me you went to see it this weekend, and so did I. I think thepeople were killing themselves in the movie because they had to actually bein a movie that bad. The acting was terrible. Like high school filmproject terrible. Mark Wahlberg sounded like such an idiot. I liked JohnLeguizamo, but of course he dies pretty early. The part where all those peopleare in the dinner and one guy stands up to say that the safe zone is 90miles from here, so so dumb. The storyline with his wife and the cheating was terriblycontrived. And, to top it all off, it was preachy at the end. Also, randomguy from CMU in the movie, not cool.

The only creepy parts were in the beginning, and the part with the old ladyand the doll. Plus the ending was pretty lame. People make fun of M.Night. Shamalamadingdong because of his trademark twists at the end of themovie, but in this case, I think it would have made the movie better.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

For Adults

If the temperature is 160 degrees Fahrenheit, it would take 1 second [to cause a third degree burn];If the temperature is 149 degrees Fahrenheit [common home boiler setting], it would take 2 seconds;If the temperature is 140 degrees, it would take 5 seconds;If the temperature is 133 degrees, it would take 16 seconds;If the temperature is 130 degrees [recommended setting], it would take 35 seconds;If the temperature is 127 degrees, it would take 1 minute;If the temperature is 125 degrees, it would take 2 minutes;If the temperature is 124 degrees, it would take 3 minutes;If the temperature is 120 degrees, it would take 10 minutes.[Adult skin thickness of 2.5mm]

"You keep runnin' that mouth I'm gonna' take you in the back and screw ya'."

"I don't know. Supposedly, a coyote won't eat a Mexican."

"Cats? Several. Well, depends what you mean by got. Some are half-wild, and some are just outlaws."

"Here last week they found this couple out in California. They rent out rooms for old people, kill'em, bury'em in the yard, cash their social security checks. Well, they'd tortur'em first, I don't know why. Maybe the television set was broke."

Monday, May 12, 2008

So as I stood in line at the local subway, I began to ponder the profitability of such a place. Today they had four workers working (that I could see). How long would you say it takes to make a foot-long sub? Let's start with 2 mins each. So at a maximum, they could make 30 foot-long subs an hour. Cost of a foot-long right now is $5, and the meal somewhere around $7. So an average, if we say each sub made generates $6 of revenue. So we've got $180 an hour MAX for a Subway.

Then you have to subtract the cost of materials, workers, building lease, franchise fee, etc. Sounds like a Subway store could generate at MAX less than $80 in revenue an hour. Now how many times have you gone into a subway when they were making 30 subs an hour? Lunch and maybe dinner times.

Anyway, I can't see how owning a Subway could make you very much money at all.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Yes the movie came out a week ago and yes you have already read all the reviews about it and seen it maybe more than once, but I just saw it and now you're hearing about it. All and all, I thought it was an awesome movie. It belongs in a July or August release window, as it is the very definition of a popcorn flick. Of course, getting to see one early is never a bad thing. Well, almost never. It was great to see a superhero flick without all the crying and blathering about Oh my life is so complicated and Oh I have so many conflicting emotions. Yes, Spiderman 3, I'm talking to you (A search for "tobey maguire bitch" returned 54k hits). Coincidentally, this movie also had a red-haired girl as the love interest. Also, not to get off topic, but when did Gwyneth Paltrow get smoking hot?

HotLess Hot

I remember her from The Royal Tenenbaums and she was never that hot. Maybe it was the whole suicide thing...

Where was I? Oh, yeah, ummm Iron Man was good. Stark Industries is clearly Lockheed Martin... And Jeff Bridges is a pretty awesome villain. Oh, and beards make you evil, but goatees and stashes make you the hero.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

The new season of "Deadliest Catch" is on and so is the drinking. Maybe I'm a little late but here goes:

1. Each person picks a crab ship at the beginning of the episode and each time that name is used, take a drink. Everyone drinks when they say "Dutch Harbor."
2. Drink for an empty pot
- 2x if it's on your ship
3. Give your drink to someone else if your ship picks up another ship's pot or plays a prank on another ship.
- 2x if it is revenge
4. Drink for anyone who dies (even if it's in a story)
- 2x if the person who died was on your ship
- 3x if someone cries
- 4x if they interview surviving wife
5. Drink for a man in the water
- 2x if the man was from your ship
- if the man is picked up by different ship, everyone who is not that ship drinks twice
- If person dies, multiply by rule 4
6. Drink for every injury, no matter how small
- 2x if he/she does not return to their duties immediately
- 3x if it is caused by someone else
- If person dies, multiply by rule 4
7. Drink for any part of the ship that breaks
- 2x if it's on your ship
- 3x if your ship must return to port
- 4x if your ship is out for the season, and you pick a new ship

Remember that values are multiplied together. For example, if someone tells a story of someone dying, and that person was from your ship, and the guy telling the story cries, 6 drinks. That should get things going. Now enjoy the new episode tonight and see you in Dutch Harbor (drink)!
~Russ