50 Shades Freed – Chapter 19

Last time Ana had a really weird birthday hanging out near the hospital with all her friends. Right at the end her dad woke up from his induced coma – hopefully we discover he was deliberately run into by an accomplice of Jack Hyde, or else this entire subplot will have been for nowt.

[Please bear in mind that I wrote this chapter summary on a train, with a rather uncomfortable looking man peeking over at my laptop screen.]

Christian’s iPod is on shuffle and Dido is warbling on about white flags.

Topical.

“What do you want to do?”He raises an eyebrow, amused. “What I always want to do.”

So are we celebrating Ana’s dad being alive by … banging?

My finger stops at his wedding ring. “This is very sexy.”“Anastasia, I like having unfettered access to you.”

Despite the opinion espoused here, a wedding ring is not the same as an all-access, anytime sex pass.

“Oh, Mr Grey, you’ve been very gentle with me these last couple of days.”

Because your dad was dying???

“You’re after something less gentle?”“Something life-affirming.”

I … I don’t know what she’s on about.

He goes off to rifle through his ‘life-affirming’ sex toy drawer.

Oh … Christian barefoot. Why are his feet so hot?

Come on, nobody’s feet are hot. They’re feet.

He lays a towel out on the sofa.

Oh lordy, it’s going to get messy.

He ties her to the sofa in such a way that her legs are spreadeagled apart. Then he pours some oil on her hands and tells her to touch herself all over. Anybody else doing this for the first time in front of someone would look awkward as all hell, but I’m sure she’ll look like a heavily trained porn star.

“Absorb the pleasure. Lower. Come on, Ana. Lower.”

He says a lot of stuff like this, and she is repeatedly surprised by the fact that touching herself feels nice.

He starts to move his fingers, his hand, assaulting that sweet spot.

Funny how she’s never allowed to finish herself. Always has to be him.

“Surrender,” Christian whispers.I explode.

Come on, Christian, you can be creepier than that. How about, “Let me cut off your skin and wear it.”

Every single time. I’d get mighty tired if someone never believed that I loved them.

When will he realize that he means the world to me?

Probably around the same time you realise he’s a psychopath.

Christian snorts. “I was hoping for round two.”

Oh, for goodness sake.

Round two happens ‘off-screen’. The next day Christian gets an email from Detective Clark saying he’s coming over to talk about Jack Hyde. They also go to the hospital and inform Ray that he’s going to be moved to Seattle because Christian wants him to. Christian can whistle for it, as far as I’m concerned.

At four o’clock Taylor ushers in Detective Clark.“Mrs Grey, Mr Hyde maintains that you sexually harassed him and made several lewd advances.”

Good old Jack, worth a try I suppose.

“Hyde alleges that you fabricated a tale about sexual harassment because you wanted his job.”

Believe me, she ain’t clever enough for that.

“You don’t have to listen to this shit, Ana.”

She literally does.

Ana explains that Hyde harassed her, blackmailing her with emails she’d sent Christian (WHICH SHE SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN SENDING AT WORK). When he touched her, she ‘took him down’. Christian basically tells the Detective to fuck off and do his job (WHICH HE IS ALREADY DOING BY FOLLOWING UP HYDE’S ACCUSATIONS).

“Is this all you came down here for?”Clark bristles. “Yes, Mr Grey, unless you’ve had any further thoughts about the note?”Note? What note?

Another thing Ana doesn’t know about! A new mystery every chapter and I care a little less each time.

The detective leaves. Christian says they should go and get Ray out of the hospital, even though Ray DOESN’T WANT TO GO. The next day, Ray is in a Seattle hospital.

“Tell Christian I appreciate this,” he says quietly.

… wishing that Christian would butt out of his life. It’s not generosity when you’re forcing it down someone’s throat.

As I head out the main doors, I see Dr Greene heading towards me.“I was wondering why you’d cancelled four appointments.”I gape at her. How?

This seems incredibly tenuous. If someone is cancelling Ana’s doctor’s appointments, they’d have to making them in the first place as well, otherwise Ana would just turn up.

I’ve missed four appointments? I’m late for my shot.

Contraceptive shot. If you can’t remember this sort of thing, write it the fuck down.

“We’d better do a pregnancy test before we give you another shot.”

Doctors have so much free time that they can apparently capture patients in car parks and bring them in for immediate pregnancy testing.

Please no. It’s too soon.

When you’re married to Christian, it’s always going to be too soon. He would RUIN A CHILD’S LIFE.

She looks up at me, her eyes serious. “Well, Mrs Grey, you’re pregnant.”

Brilliant. Wonderful. Couldn’t have happened to two less capable people.

I love this! I have to add, finishing up my first novel and sometimes I think of you and how you may tear me apart one day as well, I am now convinced that EL James adds in some ridiculous phrases for no other reason than to add to her word count.

Its weird Ana’s weird foot fetish is a thing that doesn’t pay off either. I’m pretty sure if Christian knew, there’d be some footplay stuff but alas no. Its fine if anything not-vanilla is hinted at and then dropped but bring it up if its not going to factor in at all?