i try not to post twice a night but i HAD to write this while it was still fresh in my head. i was at the local after my family had decided to crash and i posted up in my regular spot. there was a cute blonde being chatted up by a decent looking dude. the dynamic was (starting at me and moving to my left)-

guy sitting next to cute blonde is working his mojo. i find out he’s a Marine. well, cute blonde made a comment about something i said to guy that’s my friend to which i looked at her but didn’t respond (my neg). i finally got some backstory from my male friend. girl sitting next to him was the big sister of the cute blonde.

AHA!!!!!!

well, i knew then that big sis was not going to let marine close the cute blonde. well, once i found out dude was a Marine, i asked for his MOS (job in the Corps) and he said, “i have several.” and he looked away. aaaaaaw, classic alpha posturing. i knew the deal. a few minutes later is asked his MOS again, and he named them off. i’ll give the guy credit………he’s NOT a POG. he’s a grunt. RESPECT. seriously. he’s a front echelon warrior. cool.

well, the 2 sisters are Columbian and the started firing off in Spanish. i could BARELY hear what they were saying but could keep up. one guy wrangled his way in between big sis and regular girl and said, ” english please”. my male friend chimed in, “Danny speaks spanish btw.” everyone was looking at me. i commented, ” i lived in spain for 3 years and i’m half mexican.” Marine IMMEDIATELY chimed in, “the dialect in Columbia isn’t quite the proper spanish of spain.

BWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

kid lost all respect i had for him at that point. i was laughing my ass off.

ok. look, i have female friends. and the cute blonde called Marine “friend” SEVERAL times. she even high fixed him. *douche chills* now, she was a tad drunk and leaning towards him. but that means fuck all as latina women are usually touchy feely. but i DID NOT insult or threaten her, THAT’S when you step in when a woman you know is in trouble. he had NO REASON, to step in. columbian accent is different from proper spanish and i’m incapable of understanding the 2 girls.

again, posturing, and a PURE white knight move. he had NO reason to comment on that other than he felt compelled to defend girl from NOTHING. he just wanted to gain favor. sad. really sad.

i expected better from a Marine. i actually called DogSquat to tell him about it. to the guys reading this blog…..

DON’T be this guy.

i’m friends with MANY beautiful women, i’d have NEVER stepped in to this. i even called So-So to tell her this story, and i’m telling her to comment on it. BET.

i’m pretty sure most of you are well acquainted with my AWFUL sense of humor. well, when i’m out with a perspective gf, i need to test the waters to see if she can handle my base sense of humor. trust me guys, this will tell you if you’re dealing with a fun girl, or a woman with something up her ass. if this offends her- BAIL!!!! if she laughs- you got a winner.

at some point mention tattoo’s. though, this works best on women that don’t have many tattoos. tell her that you think tattoo are sexy if they’re small and in an inconspicuous place; especially if it’s in her bikini line. then say, “yeah, you know….i’m undressing you for the first time, and i remove your undies, and i notice you have a small tat.”

this first part is key, it frames future sex with her. you’ll probably notice her smiling when you say it. then move on with.

“like, you have a small heart in your bikini line, YUM!!!!!” then say, “but, you not what’s even hotter?” she’ll typically ask what.

“if you have something hot written inside the heart, like….black cock.” then nod like you mean it. if she laughs i follow with, ” i mean c’mon, who DOESN’T like the dark stuff?”

did this with a few women, and the laughed their asses off. this told me the ladies would have ZERO problem with my sense of humor. the gf in japan told her co-workers “i found my future bf.” and told them that same joke i ran on her.

I was having a conversation regarding an episode of “it’s always sunny in philadelphia” where charlie was dating a tranny. the “guy” looked like a hot girl but had a penis. the discussion went on and i finally chimed in, “it’s not gay if she’s post-op.” one guy heartiliy disagreed. me and a few other guys rationalized with him that- she’s hot, zero masculine traits, good body- not gay.

the guys reading this probably already know where this is going.

after a few more minutes the one guy finally relinquished, “yeah, i guess i can see you point. i guess i’d be cool with.”

my boy Jae (aka WarMachine), who was sitting with his back to us- not participating in the conversation blurted out immediately, “fucking homo.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

we all pounced and had a good laugh. dude was making the face. ALL GUYS KNOW THE FACE. it’s the face that show’s you’re busted, and have no defense. you don’t really see women doing crap like this. but good girls, women worth being with, understand and appreciate this as “guy stuff” and leave it alone.

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one of the women that works in the hospital is VERY pretty. nice face, great body, sweet little twang to her voice, quite feminine. well, as us guys tend to do we were talking about which women in the command that we found attractive, which in man-ese translates into, “i wanna fuck”. YES, we guys do this ALL.THE.TIME. now the guy i’m talking with has a gf. but this is just how guys talk when among other guys. well, as we’re naming off the girls, he brings up the woman i described above. we were commenting on how she’s cute, cool, seems sweet…then i HAD to bring it up.

“yeah man, but that moustache.”

my boy DIDN’T even hesitate and let out an, “i knooooow.” there was a VERY distinct dissapointment in his voice as he said it. it’s the sound one makes when a guy sees there’s a scratch on his car. you’re eating a meal….GREAT meal. then you see a hair. ROOONED.

the conversation then morphed into WHY she didn’t remove it. “dude, it’s not like you don’t know it’s there.” it’s pretty sad that this ONE characteristic tarnished our opinions of this women. of course it’s not surprising, we all know by now how men are visually keyed for attraction. we notice the shell, it draws us in, then we begin the scrutiny. is it fair? NO. it just is. honestly if not for this ONE little flaw we saw on her, we’d have NOTHING bad to say about her. but no. we are FIXATED on that one little gaffe on her upkeep.

sorry, this one is more for the female readers. my maw-maw passed away last june. my maw-maw OWNED. she had so much spunk, and vitality and joie de vie that you couldn’t help but love the woman. she was 100% pure cajun, clan LeBlanc.

the fam is in for the storm in NO. me and paw-paw are pounding beers and watching “cajun justice”. he’ll usually chime in out of no where with little gems about my maw-maw. his latest-

“elaine asked momma how she could get involved with such a cad like me, she told her, “if i wanted vanilla, i’d have ordered vanilla.” lulz.

he told me the story of when her proposed to maw-maw at lee circle downtown. “i placed that tiny ring on her finger and asked, “will you marry me?” her response-

“why not?” this is CLASSIC maw-maw. you have to know this women to appreciate how laid back and nonchalant she was. RIP momma cat.

paw-paw had maw-maw on one of their early dates. paw-paw popped a piece of gum in his mouth, and maw-maw asked for a piece. she took the wrapper, crumbled it up and threw it at paw-paw. when he asked why she threw that at him she replied, “always throw your trash where your love lies.”

paw-paw had met maw-maw’s sister millie and when he finally met maw-maw he asked if she was millie (they looked VERY alike). maw-mawtold him, “no, but i’m next best thing…..millies little sister, the pick of the litter.” that’s some SERIOUS girl game. lol.

After I left Sicily I was stationed in New Orleans and attending UNO. There was a girl in my Ethics class who I kind of had a crush on. I think I was about 26-27 at the time. Well me and this girl just made small talk during the course of the semester. After mid-terms we leaving class and I asked her awkwardly about her boyfriend. She kind of smiled and told me she had just become single about a month ago. My reply was BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!

“Oh, cool.”

That was it. I blanked out. I couldn’t think of ANYTHING to follow up with. Well, girl gave me ANOTHER attempt when she asked, “Why, did you ask?” I was on auto-pilot, I answered stupidly, “I dunno.” That was it. She simply told me, “Oh, well now you know.” Inside my head, there was a voice SCREAMING at me, “WTF, TALK TO HER, GET HER NUMBER AND TALK TO HER LATER!!!! ASK ASK ASK!!! But I didn’t. As I walked back to my car this was what I heard in my head-

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

I told myself, as I started the car, that that would NEVER happen again. I WOULD NOT CARE if she said yes or no, but I’d ASK. Fast forward to next semester; there was a girl in my Psychology class that I knew from base. Sweet girl, but not really my type. Then SHE walked in- she sat next to the girl I knew (whom I sat behind). As the semester went on the girls became friends. The girls name was Elizabeth. I kid you not she looked just like Angelina Jolie. Now, I’m not a huge fan of AJ, but this is just for a frame of reference. She was about 5’6”, black hair, green eyes, petite, GREAT body. Seriously, she was banging.

She had a bf. Thusly, when I did talk with her it was pretty informal. Our mutual friend dropped the class and Elizabeth asked me to sit across from her. But it’s not what you’re thinking. She wanted me to sit next to her so she could cheat off my tests. Silly Wabbit, and she used to routinely ask to borrow a scan-tron’s for our exams. I gave them to her once, and then started charging her for them. No biggie.

As the semester came to a close, we were finishing our…

I was finishing OUR finals sot surprisingly she was done when I was. We turned in our exams and as we left the class I did it again. “So, are you and your dude still an item?” she shrugged her shoulders, “Yeah, I guess so. No. I don’t know.” Then she glanced at me coyly, “Why?” I happened again. I blanked out. When it came time for us part, I told her, “Alright….guess see you around.” Elizabeth replied awkwardly, “I guess so.” I walked back to car, started it, and something hit me.

I drove over to where she was and she was loading her stuff into her SUV. “Liz, I need to talk to you.” I got out and walked over to her and said, “Sorry I must have eaten a brain tumor for breakfast, I meant to get your number, but I blanked out.” She didn’t let me off the hook that easily, “Why do you want my number Danny?” Had it not been for a slight grin, I might have back-pedaled. I just kind of laughed and said, “Because we’re meeting up sometime in the near future.” or something along those lines. She took out a notebook, wrote down her number and grinned, “That wasn’t too difficult now was it?”

It never really materialized into anything other than a FWB situation. She was a club girl. What did help me out was that the clubs she frequented where about 10 minutes from my pad. So I typically got phone calls from her on Friday/Saturday nights when the clubs we dwindling. She was usually on X, I’m sure you know what that means. We NEVER met anywhere but my house. And the sex was EPIC. That’s usually a good indication of a psycho. After about 3-4 months she started dating some other dude, I’m going to assume it was a drug dealer. But honestly it didn’t matter. It was what I needed at the time since girl back in Sicily was still a sore spot for me. I need to have the palate cleansed so to speak. Lol.

But it NEVER would have happened had I walked away. It’s nothing new, nothing that hasn’t been written about before. But I think at times the reiteration and seeing others jack it up, and then come back swinging helps. I mean, it’s one of those “yeah yeah yeah, I know” things that you hear all the time, yet so many guys make the mistake of falling into. I mean, honestly…who gives a fuck if she turns you down. You never know what’s going to happen.

That’s the part I like the most. It’s just like hunting.

My boy dropped a sick line that I totally plan on using. If you’re talking with a girl and she asks you about your diet or what are some foods you enjoy tell her, “I’m a strict vagaterian.” Lulz.

Also, YES- the family is fine. I appreciate the thoughts and well-wishes for the family. My relatives all split from the city. No clue when they’ll be able to go back home. My house looks like a tornado hit it. When my mom called to let me know she had arrived, the first question was, “Where’s the beer? Paw had a long trip.” Gotta love my family. I’ll keep you posted as things develop. Stay up.

A blogger I know recently had a 3 way. God bless him. Three ways and anal are for some guys this magic unicorn of the sexual world. I’ve never understood guys that were’t into it. I mean if she has a small arm/toy it’s not really that bad. Wokka wokka.

But 3 ways, I TOTALLY get that one. The visual of not one but TWO naked women servicing you- EPIC. However, when it comes to (giggity) 3 ways I have ONE rule: NEVER with a woman I have genuine feelings with. If it’s a “hook up” type situation and I’m not thinking “relationship” with either woman- game on.

There’s a very slippery slope (no, not like that) that comes with a 3 way. Yeah, it’s can be a great story to knock off your sexual bucket list, but can also completely torpedo your relationship. The 2 I’ve been involved in had 2 women that I was NEVER going to be in a relationship with. The first was just before leaving to go to boot camp and the girl I was sleeping with (notice- not DATING) had been gamed to the point where she knew sex was all we’d ever have. I was honest with her, but NEVER spent time with her outside the bedroom. Oh, you think I’m an asshole right. Well, I ran into her about 3 years ago and she called our “situation” PERFECT. “You lived next door, I could just come over and fuck you, it never got messy like with (she named one of our mutual friends drama-laden relationship)”. Once I knew her friend had a girl crush on her and I knew girl was DTF, I invited my neighbor over when the other girl was worked up and semi-naked. It went down PERFECTLY.

The second came about 5 year later when I landed 2 strippers in Prague. That was EPIC. Ok, I paid them. I admit that. BUT….shit cost me less than $80. When I converted the Krohn rate back to dollar I was STROKED!!!!! Look, I was 25…..single, and the 2 girls could have modeled for Victoria’s Secret. The great thing about the experience was that the girls were ALL ABOUT PLEASING ME. I was in control 100%. And it cost my dumb ass less most dates. I NEVER had to worry of one girl would get jealous that I was showing the other too much attention. And THAT is the major pitfall of 3 ways.

You run the risk of your GF thinking you’re enjoying the other girl TOO MUCH. And if she does, it could be hell for you. You WILL hear about it later. She will probably let it fester days, weeks, months. Then, one day, out of the blue, you’ll be having a disagreement. Then….

BAM!!!

Out of nowhere she mentions the incident. And you are blinded-sided and dumbfounded. Good luck with that dude. Beth mentioned a 3 way. In retrospect I SHOULD have, but at the time I was super into her and gave a solid “no way” to her requesting it.

So guys, if you decide to venture in to the wild side of the sexual adventure, realize you may be getting into more than you bargained for. If the girls THAT into the idea just suggest she hook up with another girl, and you sit back and enjoy the show. But if you’re hell bent on trying a 3 way, there MUST be a “you can never hold this against me later” clause. You must INSIST she is the only woman that really turns you on and you just COULD NOT enjoy sex with another woman more than with her. Yeah yeah yeah, I know. And trust me, so does she, but she still NEEDS to hear this- a LOT. Lol. Next, your GF/SO needs to receive the most of the attention from you. I’ll say it again- your SO MUST got the bigger percentage of the attention. If this is going down on HER request, please establish what I mentioned as CYA material. CYA is a navy term for- “cover your ass”. Again, you can NEVER be 100% certain how your woman is going to react during/after the event. But let me save you a huge headache, and trouble.

Rent a movie instead. Or do yourself a favor and read StingRay’s Post on how women should dress.

The Family has descended upon Jacksonville safely. they’re already raiding my beer, wine, food, and i’m getting calls about “how to work the remote”. Brody is over the moon to see mom and paw paw and being able to play with Cody (mom’s shi-tzu).

gotta love family. i’ll find out about the rest of the family tomorrow when i get off work.