There are about 1 million pressing stories at the Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia, and NBC vows to cover them all. It has 1,539 hours to fill, and only so many can be devoted to a 20-year-old kneecapping. To help you navigate the programming blizzard, here's a look at the most promising things to watch every day.

Friday

Opening ceremony

WMAQ-Ch. 5, 6:30 p.m.

It's supposedly a nine-part exploration of Russian history, but surely it won't be that boring. There's always the mystery over which of the country's aging Olympic heroes will light the cauldron. NBC nominated Nancy Kerrigan based on the fact she has read "Dr. Zhivago." The way he runs things, Vladimir Putin might just do it himself.

Saturday

Team figure skating

WMAQ-Ch. 5, 7 p.m.

Nothing draws eyes like figure skating, so the powers that be have concocted a new "team" competition. They'll tally the point totals of a male, a female, a pairs couple and a dance team, with the winner getting a long-term deal with Ice Capades. Note: A late proposal by Russia and France to include "team judge bribing" was narrowly defeated.

Sunday

Men's downhill

WMAQ-Ch. 5, 6 p.m.

Bode Miller is not back for his 17th Olympics. It only seems that way. Quick synopsis: Party boy, bombed in Turin, redeemed in Vancouver, blew out knee, custody battle with ex-girlfriend, washed-up elder statesman now gathering strength for his record fifth Olympics. If you didn't know better, you'd swear NBC's publicity department has spent the last 15 years making the whole thing up.

Monday

Men's 1,500 short track

WMAQ-Ch. 5, 7 p.m.

Apolo Ohno has retired, but Viktor Ahn has not. Though he did retire Ahn Hyun-soo. To clarify, Ohno and his eight medals are gone. The void is expected to be filled by Russia's Ahn. He was actually South Korea's Ahn until he had a falling out and became a naturalized Russian citizen. He changed his name to sound like "Victory," and if he wins, South Korea may declare war on Russia.

Tuesday

Curling

USA, 4 a.m.; CNBC, 4 p.m.

The Eddie the Eagle of sports returns. Curling originated in Scotland in the 16th century, when bored farmers got drunk, put on golfer's pants and slid big round stones across frozen ponds. Somehow, adults feverishly sweeping ice in front of a stone has become a cult hit. Norway has rocked the curling and fashion world with its zigzaggy chevron print trousers. The betting line: Take the pants, give the points.

Wednesday

Men's speedskating

WMAQ-Ch. 5, 7 p.m.

Eight years ago, Shani Davis won the 1,000 meters to become the first African-American man from any country to win an individual Winter Olympics gold medal. Now he'll try to become the first American to win the same event at three Winter Games. Sure, that's not as titillating as some loser hitting a figure skater on the knee with a police baton. But it would still be pretty cool.

Thursday

Luge team relay

WMAQ-Ch. 5, 2 p.m.

With all due respect to team figure skating, this is by far the Games' best spinoff sport. A male, a female and a doubles team rocket down the track and hit a "uvula-shaped" pad that releases the starting gate for the next sled. Sometimes they miss. Other times they wipe out. And there is no cry room with runny mascara if you lose.

Feb. 14

Women's aerials

WMAQ-Ch. 5, 2 p.m. and 7 p.m.

China now produces the world's best aerial acrobats, like Xu Mengtao. She's one of only three women who've pulled off a triple somersault with four twists. Another is America's Ashley Caldwell, a former Punt, Pass and Kick champ. Xu, as far as can be determined, never won a Punt, Pass and Kick competition.

Feb. 15

Men's hockey

NBCSN, 6 a.m.

Putin's ego is riding on this U.S.-Russia matchup. Russia hasn't won gold since the Soviet Union broke up. Now 15 NHL players, led by Alex Ovechkin, return to set things right. But the Americans are just as good. The difference is if the U.S. loses, its players won't be forced to retire to Siberia.

Feb. 16

Men's cross-country skiing

WMAQ-Ch. 5, 2 p.m.

Sure, the 40-kilometer relay is like watching four guys do an hour each on an elliptical machine at the YMCA. It's actually sort of interesting when one of the guys is Norway's Petter Northug.

He once built a huge lead over

Sweden's Marcus Hellner, only to wait nonchalantly at the finish line and step over the finish line just before Hellner. He's the Richard Sherman of cross-country skiing. Will Sweden

again be the 49ers?

Feb. 17

Ice skating free dance

WMAQ-Ch. 5, 7 p.m.

The heavyweight showdown between the finest ice dancing duos from the U.S. and Canada. It's Americans Meryl Davis and Charlie White against Canadians Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir. Added bonus: If the Canadians win, wouldn't it be great if Kerrigan interviews Toronto Mayor Rob Ford?