27 March 2006

There are only two reasons to watch VH1's gawd-awful Surreal Life 6. Actually, let's make that three. Super-phine wrestler Maven Huffman. Transgender actor-ess Alexis Arquette (of, like, the Arquettes). And, the message board and chat room conversations about Maven and Alexis.

Much of the recent gossip has centered around Maven's recent lapdance performed by Alexis. In the VH1 forums, the hottest topic right now is speculating on his sexuality.

Much of the responses are the standard, "Maven-looked-like-he-enjoyed-that-grind-too-much." One particularly lame post suggested Maven's lack of a violent response must mean something: "I didn't see any punches thrown by Maven so I'm saying he must be gay!" Thankfully, there are enough level-headed peeps: "He must be gay because he doesn't act like a homophobe and treats Alexis like a normal human being? I can't say what I want to you otherwise I think I'd be thrown off the board."

It's amazing how some people think at such a reductionist level. Maven spends years in a WWE wrestling ring, grappling and writhing with other herculean gym boys in square cut shorts and no one says a word. Put him on a C-list reality show with a 15 second "lap dance" from a trans girl and the fans are ready to string him up. We'd love to claim Maven as one of our own, but, so far, his Surreal Life experience has shown us that he's just a hot jock with a good sense of humor. Nothing more, nothing less.

There's also another ridiculous rumor about Maven being "caught" with a male cast member. Question: Why do all of these Hollywood/DL rumors always involve the principals being caught? You'd think that they—of all people—would lock the door or get a room. **Shaking Head**