Thursday, October 28, 2010

This is where I wish I was at this very moment. Gliding down the Grand Canal in Venice, the Gondolier (looking strangely like Ricky Martin) gently manoeuvring the gondola through the narrow waterways; the (slightly green) water lapping up around the aging buildings and around the gondola; the occasional warning call of the Goldoliers as they make their way around slender corners, under the little bridges linking one island to the next. Peace and serenity. Oh, look...there's Marco Polo's place, the Rialto bridge and the old jail! I could stay here forever...

Cue the sound of a scratching record...wait a minute, I'm sitting at my (messy) study desk, cramming for an exam I don't want to take; wondering why my TD No. 1 has turned into such a cow (could it be her horrible boyfriend?); asking myself why people insist on ringing constantly when everyone knows I'm studying (again - itsn't that all I ever do?); contemplating my next (and last) two assignments and when I'm going to find the time to finish them and finally, pondering if it's all really worth it and coming to the slow realisation that I'm beginning not to care (obviously, because I clearly wouldn't be blogging if I did). I was hoping my meltdown of my last post would subside, but clearly, I'm still melting.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Oh God, when's it all going to be over? I am so tired - I don't want to do this anymore!!!!

I was so proud of the fact that I managed to write a history brief on the French Revolution AND an essay on Creative Commons, both of which were due on the same day. I managed to finish them both early in order to enjoy a lovely weekend in Melbourne. Well, my pride has turned to exhaustion as I'm now faced with an exam on Friday AND a poetry essay on Monday. How much can one person give? Like Brandywine, I think I've lost my ability to write. I've sat here all day and have come up with nothing but notes on tone, imagery, theme, voice, mood etc. I can't seem to put all these notes into a coherent piece of writing. And I've done absolutely no study for my exam. Have I finally become brain-dead? I literally feel numb.

The only thing keeping me going is knowing that the work I have done has been the best I can do. I got 95% on part 2 of my blog assessment (which had me laughing hysterically as it was totally unexpected); 87% on my history brief and 89% in my comparative essay, which also blew me away. I know I have it in me...somewhere. But not today. Today, I'm done.

I want to curl up into a ball and pull the quilt over my whole body and sleep...but I can't!!!

Monday, October 11, 2010

Yesterday was my birthday. Yes, 42 years ago I was born at 2.45 am, at 5lbs and with my feet bent back all the way to my ankles. And as my dear old dad used to say, 'Now look at you'!!! Now, I'm 60-something kilos (130-something lbs?), still have weak ankles but I've created the most beautiful family. I know I usually use this blog as a platform for whinging, whining and general complaining (although I do TRY to be some sort of an inspiration!) but after yesterday, I realised once again, how very, very lucky I am. I can count on both hands the people I love.

Even though we had torrential rain, we went out for an early breakfast where I sat in my 'receiving chair' at the head of the table and opened my gifts. From TD No. 1 - a gorgeous Japanese bangle; from TD No. 2 - some champagne flutes and wine glasses; from No. 1 Son - the Stephen Fry autobiography and from SH No. 1 - a beautiful pair of diamond earrings!!! Yes, the gifts are special and every one of them represents a part of me and the fact that my family know me so well is touching. I'm not materialistic and that's just a small part of it. I really was treated like a queen and each and every one of them made me feel so special. TD No. 1 and I forgot our differences and really connected and No. 1 Son was so excited, it was like it was his birthday. I had lots of phone calls and texts, ate whatever I wanted and in the evening I had a party with my 3 year old nephew who shares my birthday, where we danced and got to sing 'Happy Birthday' - twice.

I think we become so caught up in our day to day routines - rushing from here to there, we forget to just stop and really appreciate who and what we have in our lives. Well, I do anyway.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

I think I'm having a mid-life crisis. Now, for one, I'm hoping it's too soon - my gorgeous No. 1 son and I have made a pact that we're both going to get a letter from the Queen and live till we're 100, so at 41 it's too early. For two, I always envisaged my mid-life crisis would entail something radical like a tattoo or buying a motor cycle (two things I've always wanted but thought I had to use as my mid-life excuse). Instead, I seem to have come out of my shell via a different avenue. I seem to be turning into the bitch from hell!

In years gone by, if everyone else was okay, so was I. If anyone needed me for anything, I'd don my cape and be there in a flash. Now I just want everyone to take responsibility for themselves. I don't want to be relied on and I can no longer suffer fools. I expect the highest standard of respect and if I don't get it, I'll turn my back. I've always been quick to forgive but now I find my heels digging deeper and deeper in the ground and I'm less willing to compromise.

I must admit, it does feel quite liberating but at the same time, it scares me a bit. At the moment I'm thinking I'll get the stresss of exams and essays of the next four weeks out of the way and I might book a little weekend away - on my own (and I'll get there via my pink Harley with matching helmet and a little maltese terrier called Suki sitting in the side car!). Mid-life crisis? I'm not sure!

Monday, October 4, 2010

I've successfully faffed about on the computer for an hour when my intention was to do some research for an essay due in two weeks. I've enjoyed reading and commenting on all of your blogs for over an hour and now at 8.38pm, 8.47pm, 8.49pm, I don't feel like doing any research at all.

I handed in my third Great Books essay today - a comparative essay on the theme of 'family' in Medea and The Cherry Orchard. I don't feel as positive about it as I did my last one but we'll see. I now have only four weeks to go and I've done my first year and a half at uni!!! I am sooooo looking forward to having a few months off and am beginning to miss doing housework! I used to find it so mind numbing but that's exactly what I'm looking forward to - some mind numbing activities to give my poor little brain a rest!

I have two essays due in two weeks, followed by an exam, followed by a poetry essay and then I can relax. I'm already planning on having a night out with some friends when all is done, to celebrate the completion of my very first year... well almost. I plan to do Italian over the summer and THEN my first year will be finished. Any excuse for a drink!!

Friday, October 1, 2010

I really feel the need to get on my soap box! In fact, I had this particular gripe last week and by the time I got home and simmered down I had forgotten about it, but it's obviously still a sore point and is waiting patiently on the outer edges of my consciousness, so I have to let it out.

Every Wednesday I have a 9am lecture followed by a three hour wait and then I have a two hour tutorial. I have three children, as you know, and an hour drive in peak-hour traffic in order to make it to the 9am lecture. What really gets my goat are these 18, 19, 20-something year olds, who whinge and whine about having to get to uni in time for the 9am lecture, so they ditch the lecture, come to the tute, ask the tutor about the lecture and then admit they haven't actually read the book we're supposed to be analysing!!! This has been happening time and time again and last Wednesday, I was just about seeing red!!! Not only do I haul my big arse out of bed, leave my family to fend for themselves and sit in peak hour traffic to get to uni, but I also frantically read the text AND complete the tutorial questions - only to turn up to the tutorial to listen to all the pathetic excuses under the sun. I mean, honestly, I just thought, why am I bothering??? High Distinctions, that's why, people. And I'm not saying it's all 18, 19 and 20-something year olds - only most of them! If I had the motivation, I'd seriously do this Degree externally. Bring on the summer break!!!

I've done it!!!

Well, I've finally done it!! Got accepted into Uni AND created a blog!!! After searching for insightful websites to help me tackle my journey into academia at my ripe old age and coming up with nil, I decided to start one of my own. I hope this blog will encourage anyone who has ever doubted their own abilities, to put one foot in front of the other and achieve their ambitions, desires, dreams...no matter what they are. If anyone has any inspiring stories to share, I would love to hear them. I love an inspiring story!!!