What's that smell? Oh, it's just our U.S. Senate race

For all of you who are tired of Florida finishing near the bottom of so many national rankings, I have good news: We're No. 1!!

No, not when it comes to anything like education, silly. We're talking "crooked candidates."

So says the Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington (CREW), which determined that, of the America's 12 most "crooked candidates" for federal office, three are in one race — Florida's U.S. Senate campaign.

Congratulations, my fellow Floridians.

And keep in mind: We used to have four Senate candidates on this list … but billionaire Jeff Greene lost in the primary.

Still, while I appreciate CREW's efforts to shine a bipartisan spotlight on nasty goings-on, I also think they sometimes throw the word "crooked" around a little too loosely. So I thought we should look closer at their claims.

Charlie Crist

Crist's sins are probably the most well-documented.

Most seem more political than criminal. But they're stinky just the same.

Mainly, CREW faults Crist for picking Jim Greer as head of the Republican Party.

Most of humanity should fault Crist for that. Greer was an embarrassment to the state long before the investigators showed up. But accusations that Crist somehow profited off any of Greer's alleged wrongdoing or somehow endorsed a secret payment agreement haven't been substantiated.

CREW also faults Crist for failing to "fully investigate" people who donated to his campaign back when he was attorney general. One was Lou Pearlman — which this very column noted way back in 2005.

The charges back then involved a model-scouting company not central to the fraud charges that ended Pearlman's career. Still, it never looks good to stop investigating a guy who later ends up in prison.

Kendrick Meek

Meek's problems involve his mom … but not in the nagging sort of how-come-you-never-call-me way some of you experience with your mom.

First, CREW didn't like the way Meek's mother, former U.S. Rep. Carrie Meek, essentially bequeathed him the seat by waiting until the last minute in 2002 to announce that she wasn't seeking re-election, denying others a chance to mount a campaign.

That's more political than corrupt. But the other beef CREW has with Meek stinks indeed.

Basically, the South Florida Democrat took campaign money from — and tried to get earmarks for — a developer named Dennis Stackhouse, who was later charged with theft and fraud.

Unfortunately, that's not the biggest problem.

After Meek pushed for the earmarks, it was revealed that Meek's mom was on Stackhouse's payroll — to the tune of $90,000 and free use of a Cadillac Escalade. Plus, Stackhouse helped one of Meek's former staffers buy a house.

Meek claims he never knew his mom was getting money. And that just doesn't pass the smell test.

Marco Rubio

Rubio has the longest list of accusations. And some of them involve money that ended up in Rubio's pocket — or subsidizing his lifestyle.

As House speaker, he helped steer money to Florida International University — and then snagged an unadvertised, part-time teaching gig that paid $69,000. After the school hired Rubio as a "visiting distinguished service professor," the university cut other jobs.

CREW also seized upon Rubio's use of the now-infamous GOP credit cards to rack up "many seemingly personal expenses on the cards including car repairs, and grocery purchases." Another card charge helped pay for a family reunion for the Rubio clan at a Georgia resort.

Paying the bills were party donors — many of whom were special interests that wanted things from the Florida legislature back when Rubio was speaker of the House.

Perhaps most troubling was that Rubio was caught double-billing both taxpayers and the GOP for some plane tickets. When caught, Rubio claimed it was a mistake and decided to repay … the party.

What it all means

It's darn sorry, that's what it means.

It also means that, if you want a U.S. Senator that CREW says isn't "crooked," you might have to vote for Libertarian Alex Snitker, who wants to repeal the 17th Amendment and implement a Fair Tax.

Otherwise, you'll have to compromise.

Meek's alleged sins may not be numerous or involve accusations of any money for him. But they still stink — and involve cash for a family member. And a Caddy.

Rubio's alleged sins are many and do involve accusations of money for him. But many of his supporters don't seem to care.

Crist's transgressions may be the tamest by comparison. But we still don't have the full stories. And even if Crist's problems stink the least, that says more about the overall stench of this entire race.