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Harmony In Submission

The Bible sometimes uses marriage to describe what our relationship with Christ will look like in Heaven (Revelation 19:7, for example). In making this connection, God creates a framework for earthly marriages that foreshadows our future relationship with Him.

This framework is detailed further in Ephesians.

“…and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.” (Ephesians 5:21)

“Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22)

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her…” (Ephesians 5:25)

Out of respect for Christ and His submission to the will of the Father, we submit ourselves to our spouses within marriage. Unfortunately, our flesh often bucks up when we hear the word submission because we think it dictates a domineering relationships in some way. But that’s not what God intended.

For Wives

Submission means following a husband’s leadership in Christ. This includes complete commitment to your husband and the relationship. It involves cheering him on instead of trying to fix and change him (that’s God’s job anyway). It means deciding to build him up whenever possible.

On an individual level, a godly wife focuses on developing her inner beauty.

“Do not let your adornment be merely outward – arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel – rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” (1 Peter 3:3-4)

Note that the scripture doesn’t say to NOT pay attention to your appearance; it just says to not give that a greater focus.

For Husbands

Submission means laying aside your own interests to care for your wife. In doing so, you seek to understand and protect her and to also strive for gentleness and tenderness.

In addition, your leadership should reflect godliness and not demand servitude.

“You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.” (1 Peter 3:7)

In addition to honoring his wife, a good marriage also benefits a husband’s spiritual life. Logically, the opposite is also true.

Harmony In Submission

As husbands and wives submit to one another “in the fear of Christ,” they show their trust in God. They let go of self, the enemy to submission. They deliberately and intentionally choose to prefer one another.

In marriage, separate wholes come together to make one new whole.

“And the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh.” (Mark 10:8)

Through submission as Scripture indicates, spouses learn how to harmonize with one another. In doing so, they become a beautiful tune pleasing to the ear not only of people around them, but most significantly of God in Heaven.

More importantly, spouses within a Godly marriage learn how their relationship with Christ will be in Heaven. Realizing this is life-changing as we understand that not only are we building up our spouses as we strive for harmonious submission, but we are also preparing ourselves for eternity.

2 thoughts on “Harmony In Submission”

The best marriage book I've ever read was "Sacred Marriage" by Gary Thomas. His whole premise is – what if God gave us marriage not to make us happy but to make us holy? It's all about sacrificing in marriage and understanding that we are to humble ourselves and serve the interests of our partner. Convicting.
As to your question: "How can each individual experience his/her own emotions and at the same time manage those emotions in a way that benefits the relationship and not the individual?" Honestly, that's what I'm still figuring out, haha.
I clearly want to serve my wife. But if there are issues, when is it best to humbly ignore them and when is it best to bring them to the surface for the good of the relationship?

The idea of marriage to make us holy not necessarily happy is one that truly helps marriage make sense to me. As you said, convicting. When do we ignore issues and feelings and when do we bring them to the surface to deal with them? Good question. Thankfully, we have the Holy Spirit to help us decide. Can't imagine my marriage without His guidance.