Marie Biondolillo

The Top Ten Reactionary LOLCats You Meet In Heaven

1. Cats who refuse to believe that they originated in Egypt. Instead they like to think that they came from AMERICA, like Mormons with Jesus:

This cat is a flipping recidivist.

2. Sad cats who resist their essential Enneagram nature:

Signs won't help, tool-bag.

3. Cats who think that paying taxes is bad, even though they are poor, because they are animals with no viable skills:

I gotta lake, and some pants, and that's all I need, man.

4. That one cat who invented Jonathan Safran Foer just to screw with us:

Look what the me dragged in!

5. Cats who don’t want to unionize:

Ha, ha. Your dad is a cat and he's on the Internet.

6. Cats who are all about trans cats only and won’t let cis cats play their festivals:

I do not think post-modern distinctions mean what you think they mean.

7. Cats who wish they could star in The Littlest Hobo, even though they are not helpful, because they are not dogs:

In case you can't tell from my crappy Photoshop job, this cat is not really watching "The Littlest Hobo," which is a freaking SWEET Canadian tv show about an extremely intuitive dog who solves cases but refuses to stay with any of the people who are so grateful to him because he is a loner and that's how he is, okay, and he has a lot of people he needs to help, which is why he is a homeless person. But if the cat was watching this show, it would be jealous as hell.