BREAKING: United States Declares Public Health Emergency Over Outbreak Of Sword Art Online Fans

Lord Waffle King

United States officials have declared Sword Art Online fans to be a public health emergency today, as cases of the severe mental illness have climbed into the hundreds of thousands. The highly contagious disease seems to have crossed every border, and cases have been popping up worldwide at a terrifying pace.

Doctors and scientists have been at the end of their ropes, trying to find some kind of vaccine or cure for the illness, but nothing has been discovered yet. Some fear that there is no cure.

The condition that some of the infected are in is absolutely chilling.

God has abandoned us, and it’s every man for himself I fear. The disease continues to spread, and our chances of salvation grow slimmer by the minute. My spirit has been shattered. I no longer have hope for the future, and I no longer believe in Hell. Nothing could be a greater torment than what humanity must endure right now in its final hours.

Goodbye everyone. Tell my wife I love her, and that the kids are with me. They won’t feel a thing. It’s better this way. That they don’t have to suffer in damnation with the rest of humanity.