It was the day before Christmas Eve, and the winter winds whipped around the buildings of the city. Staring out of an office window, Lollipop Jones watched the people below hurrying to finish their chores before the official start to the holiday. She shifted the ever-present sucker to the other side of her mouth. Behind her, Pecan Sandie was wrapping presents for the local children’s home. The hulking behemoth that was Pecan Sandie struggled with the tiny tape dispenser. Lollipop heard a frustrated grunt and a moment later the familiar sound of her partner extending his flip-out battleaxe.

“Don’t put any more scratches in your desk,” she cautioned.

When she didn’t hear the sound of the weapon sinking into wood, Lollipop Jones turned around to see what her partner was doing. Pecan Sandie had set the axe down beside the desk and was using the honed edge to cut the tricky tape. “You know they put those ridges on the end of the dispenser for a reason,” she said, smirking at her friend.

“It wasn’t working,” Pecan replied with his rumbling voice that sounded like gravel in a cement mixer.

This close to Christmas, the detectives didn’t expect anyone to be needing their services. Tomorrow, they would go to the Big Red V for chili dogs, an old tradition the friends had held. It had only been a few years since they had been forced to fight their way through a clan of ninjas to get their usual Christmas Eve dinner. Hopefully, this year would not be quite so hectic. Their was a knock at their door, accompanied by the faint sound of bells. Lollipop looked at the door and then her partner. The massive shoulders of Pecan Sandie moved up in a shrug.

Going to the door, the detective opened the door and saw a short individual dressed like a Secret Service agent. “Can I help you?” Lollipop asked.

The diminutive figure held up a finger, glanced around the room, and then whispered into his palm. A moment later, a red-suited figure hurried down the hall and into the room. He was followed by three more of the suited little people. “Sorry for the security,” the red-dressed man said. “They insist, especially at this time of year.”

“No threat too tall, even though we’re small” – Elf Security Forces

His cheeks were red and rosy, while a button nose sat directly in the center of a jolly face, framed perfectly by a white beard. “Santa?” Pecan asked, standing up.

“I told you they’d recognize me,” Santa Claus told his security team.

“We haven’t seen you since that incident with the ninjas and chili dogs,” Lollipop announced.

“That’s true, but I’ve known when you were sleeping and when you were awake, not to mention when you’ve went out of your way to help your clients,” Santa announced.

“What brings you into town early?” Lollipop asked, pulling the now empty white stick from her mouth. Throwing it away, she grabbed a new sucker from her desk and promptly inserted it into her mouth.

“Toys?” Santa asked. “He’s got no need for toys. Every year on Christmas Eve, he tries to capture one naughty child to take back to his dark domain. Every year, I’m able to stop him.”

“Santa, what seems to be the trouble this year,” Pecan asked, offering their prospective client a chair.

Nodding his thanks, Santa sat down and started to explain. “At the center of my workshop is the first Christmas tree. We don’t advertise the fact, but every Christmas tree in the world is connected to that one tree. It’s the nexus of Christmas trees. We use it to get into the homes without chimneys,” the iconic figure explained. “Krampus broke in and entered the tree. We don’t know where he’s gone. My reindeer can track the monster’s scent that’s how I stop him every year. The reindeer can’t find him inside the nexus. We tried before coming South.”

“What can we do?” Lollipop asked.

“I need you to go into the tree after him,” Santa explained. “Krampus is devious and dangerous, but I think you two are up to the task.”

“How do we track him?” Pecan asked.

“You’ll have to search through the nexus for him,” the symbol of the holidays stated. “I know it’s a big job, and I would go in myself if I could, but this time of year, if I go into the tree after him and spend too much time, Christmas will be ruined for millions of children.”

“We’ll do it,” Lollipop and Pecan said in unison.

“Can one of your guys wrap these?” Pecan added.

One of the suited elves stepped up and in moments had finished all of the wrapping. “Transferred from the gift wrap department,” the elf stated.

“We need to go if you’re going to have enough time to find him,” Santa said. “I know this is going to be difficult, but if Krampus gets his hands on any child, it’ll be the end for that little boy or girl.”

“They’ll be a naughty kid, right?” Lollipop inquired to make sure she understood.

“Yes,” Santa confirmed.

“Don’t you give them coal?” The detective asked.

“All children are precious, even the naughty ones,” Santa Claus responded with a twinkle in his eye.

Flanked by the security elves, the detectives followed the big man in red up the stairs to the roof. Opening the door, the duo were surprised to see a red sleigh and eight reindeer. “Where’s Rudolph?” Pecan asked.

“We only bring him along for night flights. He keeps the planes from hitting us,” Santa explained.

Climbing up into the front bench, Santa sat behind the animals. Climbing into the back section, Lollipop and Pecan could not help but take in the expert craftsmanship that had made the vehicle. It looked like it was freshly assembled and painted. Climbing in beside the detectives, the security detail, pushed themselves firmly against the back corners. “You’re going to want to hold on,” one of the elves offered.

Santa began to call the reindeer by name, when he finished, the sleigh shot forward into the sky. The gravitational forces pushed the detectives back against the rear panel of the sleigh. Lollipop’s small frame prevented her from hitting the security elves in the back corner on her side. The elves on Pecan’s side were not as fortunate. A struggling arm was protruding from over the behemoth’s shoulder. Gripping the back of Santa’s seat, Pecan pulled himself forward enough to let the elves squirm out from behind him. “I thought we were goners,” the one elf said to his friend.

Letting go, Pecan slammed back against the wood. “Fast,” the hulking detective announced.

“He played golf with him at the Glen Campbell Invitational Tournament in 1981,” Pecan informed his partner. Lollipop knew that her friend’s zealot-like love of the comedy icon meant that he was full of obscure facts. The detective never could tell if the facts that her partner spouted were true or made up.

“Yeah, he’s improved his game since then,” Santa announced from the driver’s seat.

Lollipop stared across at Pecan, who just smiled at her.

The ride only lasted twenty minutes. “How did you get from the city to the North Pole in twenty minutes?” Lollipop asked. “I mean the reindeer should have friction burns at the very least.”

The animals were calm and waiting as a small group of elves in overalls came out and began unhitching them from the sleigh. “Seriously, we’d have to move so fast that we should have liquified,” the detective announced.

“Christmas magic,” Santa explained, never losing his smile.

Behind them, hangar doors began to slide shut, cutting out the cold and preventing the north winds from blowing inside. Santa led the detectives through the facility. The elves stopped and stared at the strange pair their boss had returned with. Pecan was taller than Santa with impossibly wide shoulders, while Lollipop was much shorter and lithe. As they passed, Santa greeted each of the small employees, calling them by name. Stepping through an old wooden door that had been carved with intricate designs and patterns, the duo found themselves in Santa’s workshop.

The space was filled with several small benches and tables with different toys on them. “I thought the elves built the toys?” Pecan asked.

“Most of them,” Santa answered. “But I still dabble. Somethings you just never get over.”

Sitting on one of the tables was a small carved train set. Lollipop saw it and bent over to admire the craftsmanship. It had been delicately carved and must have taken days to complete. “That was the first train I ever made,” the jolly man announced, proudly. “Made a great many since, I think my biggest hit was probably the rocking horse.”

Pecan saw the giant evergreen tree sitting in the center of the room. It was decorated in red and white with gold lights shining out through the branches. “This is it,” Santa said. “The first Christmas tree.”

“How do we get into it?” Lollipop asked, brushing her fingertips across the soft down of the evergreen.

“Just a moment,” Santa said.

Leaning forward, he whispered something into the branches and stepped back. A white light began to shine between the limbs, growing brighter and wider until the tree was glowing. “Now, you can step through. When you’ve found him, come back, and the doorway will open for you automatically.”

“What if we have to leave through another tree, how do we get back?” Lollipop asked.

“You have fifteen minutes from the time you step out of a tree before the door closes behind you,” Santa explained.

“See you soon,” Pecan stated as he stepped into the light.

Lollipop followed closely behind her partner. Once they were inside the tree, they found themselves floating in a strange place with multiple points of lights in the shape of Christmas trees all around them. Suspended in this void, the duo tried to find some hint at where the Krampus might be hiding. “Any ideas?” Pecan asked.

“I’m not sure how to track something when there isn’t anywhere for it to leave tracks,” Lollipop answered. “I guess we can try and maneuver around. We’ll see if we can find anything.”

“How do we move?” The behemoth asked.

“Good question,” the smaller detective replied.

After several minutes, the duo discovered that moving around within the nexus point was as simple as thinking. If they wanted to move in a specific direction, they just had to think about it, and they would begin to head that way. Moving through the inter-dimensional space, Lollipop and Pecan searched for any indication that the Krampus had been this way. Lollipop had gone through half of the reserve suckers in her trench coat when something black covered part of one of the Christmas tree shapes.

Making their way towards the symbol, the detectives saw a mark where the light had burned out. It was in the shape of a clawed hand. “We’ve found our way to track him,” Pecan stated.

“You know, one thing bothers me,” Lollipop stated.

“No pine scent,” Pecan replied.

The diminutive detective noticed the lack of smells that one associated with Christmas trees and had expected the climbing into a tree gateway there would be an overwhelming smell. “Okay, two things are bothering me,” Lollipop conceded.

“What’s the other one?” Pecan inquired, keeping his eyes open for any other marked symbols.

“How did the Krampus get into the tree,” Lollipop answered. “You saw how Santa opened the it. How many people could know the secret to opening the tree?”

“We’ll have to check with Santa when we get back and find out.”

“Found another one,” Lollipop stated, pointing to the burned out spot on the door.

“There’s another,” Pecan stated. “I wonder where he’s heading?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Lollipop announced. “We just have to get to him before he can do any real harm.”

The detectives continued following the claw marks until they caught sight of their target. Hulking shoulders that rivaled Pecan Sandie’s sat atop a smaller waist with small goat-like legs. Spiked horns that were slightly curved sat on top of a gray face with burning red eyes. “No!” He rasped. “I was told I’d have more time.”

Krampus – aka not Santa

“Don’t you know that the naughty ones don’t get what they ask for for Christmas,” Lollipop replied.

Turning to the tree symbol in front of him, Krampus pushed through and exited the nexus. Speeding behind him, the detectives launched from the tree in the corner and landed onto a sofa. Krampus was just picking himself up off of the floor when the duo made their entrance. Rolling to their feet, Lollipop and Pecan moved to encircle the Christmas fiend. “What’s with the noise?” Someone called from the adjoining room.

Distracted by the voice, Krampus gave Pecan Sandie an opening. Running at the horned being, the detective slammed his shoulder into his opponent’s back and tackled him to the ground. In two quick steps, Lollipop was by her partner’s side. “Get off!” Krampus shouted.

“I’m calling the police,” the voice announced.

“Do you have him?” Lollipop asked.

Pecan nodded. “Back to the tree,” he stated.

Lifting Krampus from the floor, the detective forced the punisher of naughty children into the tree, where they emerged once again in the nexus realm. “I will not be stopped!” The fur-covered creature announced, taking advantage of Pecan Sandie’s momentary disorientation and breaking free.

Lashing out with its hooved foot, Krampus kicked Pecan and sent him tumbling away. “Pecan!” Lollipop shouted, heading towards her partner.

“No!” Pecan called back. “Stop him, I’ll be fine.”

As she started to turn and follow the creature, she saw Pecan’s stop tumbling. Floating through the void between Christmas trees, Lollipop trailed after the creature. The detective had been trained by the Fighting Sisters of the Closed Fist, a group of warrior nuns. However, all of their techniques were useless while floating here. For her to be effective, they would have to be on solid ground. From ahead of her, she heard Krampus’ excited squeal. “Finally!”

Vanishing into one of the symbols, the villain left the nexus realm. Preparing for the change, Lollipop followed after Krampus. With her warrior-nun honed reflexes, she was able to adjust her balance and land on her feet, while her opponent was still trying to stand The tree had come out onto a large foyer with a winding staircase. Several bags of presents sat beneath the tree. “This isn’t going to go well for you,” Lollipop told Krampus. “Give up.”

“No,” he rasped. “I’m so close, you can’t stop me now.”

“Look, I appreciate that you want to punish some naughty kid, but we aren’t going to let you do that,” the detective stated plainly.

“Have it your way,” she replied, putting a fresh sucker in her mouth and dropping into a fighting stance.

Krampus dropped his hands back, preparing to strike with his clawed fingertips. To be as large as Pecan Sandie, the Christmas creature moved with amazing speed. Spinning, Lollipop avoided the attack, while lashing out with a kick. Landing her blow, Lollipop watched as Krampus slammed headfirst into the wood paneled wall, cracking it. “What’s going on?” Someone called from upstairs.

Lollipop thought the voice was familiar but could not place it. It did not matter, she had bigger problems at the moment to deal with. Shaking off the headbutt to the wall, the horned creature rushed forward again. Dropping onto her back, Lollipop placed her feet into Krampus’ stomach and sent him hurtling over her. Rolling across the floor, her opponent knocked over a china cabinet. “All right, who’s throwing a party in my house and didn’t invite me,” the unseen voice said. This time footsteps approached the top of the stairs.

Krampus pushed up to his feet and staggered towards the foot of the stairway. Lollipop knew that she needed to end this fight quickly. Drawing back, she prepared the ultimate technique of the Fighting Sisters of the Closed Fist, the Uber-Death Punch. It was powerful enough to atomize the bones in a human body. Striking out, she saw the punch headed directly for the horned crown of Krampus’ forehead. Dropping prone to the floor, her opponent dodged the blow, which connected with the curved banister railing. The force of the blow rippled up the rail, snapping it free from the supports and acting like a whip as it raced towards the top of the stairs.

A loud thud and a growl announced the arrival of Pecan Sandie. Getting on all fours, Krampus charged, slamming his head into Lollipop. The deadly detective managed to block the blow, but it still threw her into the wall, breaking the boards. Sliding to the floor, she saw Pecan unfold his battleaxe and growl a challenge to the yule time terror. Several strikes from his weapon glanced off of Krampus’ horns, sparking along the floor. Finally, the unseen speaker came into view on the stairs. Lollipop thought she must have a concussion.

With a quick flick of his horns, Krampus sent Pecan’s axe sliding across the floor. “What’s going on guys?” The speaker asked, confusion clear on his face. “You’re not my normal Christmas visitor.”

Both Krampus and Pecan stopped their combat and stared in awe at the newcomer. Bill Murray, wearing a tuxedo with an untied bow tie still tucked under the collar, just smiled and gave a small wave. “Hey,” he said.

“BILL MURRAY!” Pecan shouted as he landed a punch square on Krampus’ jaw.

The blow dropped the monster, easily. Rather than following up and ending Krampus’ threat, Pecan stood staring at his favorite actor, mouth hanging open. Pulling herself free of the wall, Lollipop stretched, cracking her back. “We need to get him out of here,” she announced to her awestruck partner.

“But…” he started.

“Do you guys want some egg nog?” Bill Murray offered. “Or I could make pancakes.”

“Lolli…” Pecan started, biting the corner of his bottom lip.

“I know, but we don’t have long before the tree will close behind us,” she replied to her partner. “Just shake his hand.”

“Autograph…” Krampus rasped, drawing a marker and a worn VHS copy of The Razor’s Edge from his matted fur.

“Wow, don’t see many copies of this,” the actor stated, bending over and taking the items.

“An unsung triumph,” Krampus said, rolling onto his back.

Pecan raised an eyebrow. “It is,” the hulking detective agreed. “How do you feel about Mad Dog and Glory?”

“Great performances, but the world wasn’t ready for it,” the defeated creature stated. “Remake with the original cast now, academy awards.”

“My thoughts exactly,” Pecan exclaimed, lifting Krampus to his feet.

“Pecan?” Lollipop asked, concerned by this change in tone.

“He’s not all bad,” her partner replied. “He likes Bill Murray.”

“It’s true, so far no serial killers or genocidal dictators have been fans,” Bill Murray added, handing back the VHS with a still-drying signature on it.

“Thank you,” Krampus offered. “I’ll go quietly now.”

“Wait,” Lollipop started. “This was all just for an autograph from Bill Murray.”

“I can’t find him on Christmas Eve by normal means, I only smell naughty children. He’s not naughty,” Krampus explained. Bill Murray gave a small bow and mouthed “thank you.” “Tree was the only way.”

“What about collecting a naughty child?” Pecan asked.

“This was a once in a lifetime chance,” the horned creature offered. “I’ll try and get a kid next year.”

“I can’t say I blame you,” Pecan Sandie agreed. “I’d have done it.”

“It’s always nice to meet a fan,” Bill Murray replied. “Hold on just a second.”

Walking past them, the comedic genius disappeared around the corner and came back a moment later. He held three pictures in his hands. “Since you guys seem to be in a hurry, just take these and Merry Christmas.”

Lollipop, Pecan, and Krampus each took one of the pictures. They were autographed stills from some of his most iconic roles. Pecan and Krampus almost giggled, but caught themselves. “Thank you and Merry Christmas,” Lollipop offered. “Guys, we really need to head out. I think we haven’t solved all the problems at the North Pole just yet.”

“Merry Christmas,” Pecan and Krampus said in unison.

Stepping back into the tree, the trio vanished from the actor’s home. He took a moment and looked at the damage to his home. “Nick, I hope your elves are good at wood work,” Bill Murray offered as he went back upstairs.

Due to time passing at a different rate within the nexus realm and the normal world, Lollipop, Pecan, and Krampus emerged from the Christmas tree in Santa’s workshop around ten on Christmas morning. Santa was sitting by the tree with a large contingent of elves. The diminutive workers ran forward to take custody of Krampus.

“Back off,” Pecan instructed, growling at the elves.

“Is everything okay?” Santa asked.

“No,” Lollipop replied. “Someone here sold you out. Didn’t you think it odd that Krampus was able to get into the workshop easily and knew how to activate the tree?”

“I was to worried about the child that he was going to take to think about it,” Santa admitted.

“It’s okay,” Pecan replied. “This is your busy season.”

“One of your elves had a little chit chat with Krampus. He wasn’t after a child,” Lollipop replied, telling Santa Claus all about their chase through the tree and meeting with Bill Murray.

“I know about Billy’s house,” Santa admitted. “I sent a crew down to fix his wall.”

“I’ll try and get a child next year,” Krampus stated.

“Who helped you?” Santa asked.

From the back of the gathered elves, one of them took off at a run, leaving the workroom behind. “I’m on it,” Lollipop shouted as she took off after the small fugitive.

She was quick and agile like a reindeer, only instead of gifts she was bringing fistletoe (see what I did there). Before the elf had made it halfway down the hall, the detective was within reach. With a quick kick, she took out the runner’s legs. He tumbled onto the ground, losing his green and red hat as he rolled along the floor. His attempts to fight back were almost cute to the detective…almost, she gave a quick chop to the side of his neck, knocking him out. Grabbing one of his belled shoes, Lollipop dragged him back down the hallway to Santa’s workshop.

“Got him,” she announced triumphantly.

“Okay,” Santa replied. “Krampus, you can go. I’ll see you out there next year.”

“Have security make sure he actually leaves,” Santa whispered to one of the elves, who stepped away to follow his orders.

“Why didn’t you destroy him?” Lollipop asked.

“Destroy him?” Santa Claus chuckled, his belly trembling like a bowl of jelly. “I don’t destroy things, other than sadness. Krampus and I are two sides of the same coin. I am the promise of reward to the nice and he is the threat of punishment for the naughty. However, all children are under my protection. Funny thing, all the children that Krampus has tried to take away, they all are on the nice list the next year. Sometimes, seeing that the threat is real, is all it takes.”

“Okay,” Lollipop replied, not really understanding the red-suited icons reasoning. “But what about this guy?”

“Can you wake him up?” Santa asked. “Gently.”

“Pecan?”

The behemoth stepped over to his partner and shouted in the unconscious elf’s face. With a yelp, the elf woke up.

“Now, Gup-gup what’s the meaning of this?” Santa asked.

“Well, guess I’m on the naughty list for sure now,” Gup-gup admitted. “You were supposed to chase after Krampus.”

“I did.”

“Yeah, but your security detail was waiting in here for your return,” Gup-gup stated. “I wanted you to go in after him. While the workshop was going to be unmanned, I was going to burn the tree.”

A collective gasp came from the assembled elves. “What good would that do?” Pecan asked.

“If the original Christmas tree was destroyed, the connection to all the other trees would be lost. I’d be trapped forever,” Santa announced.

“That would ruin Christmas,” Pecan growled at the captive elf.

“Why would an elf want to ruin Christmas?” Lollipop asked.

“I’d be fine if they canceled it forever,” Gup-gup announced, which drew another gasp from the other elves with one of them fainting.

“Gup-gup, why?” Santa asked, his smile disappearing for the first time.

“I’m allergic to candy canes,” Gup-gup confessed. “Without Christmas they would vanish, not too mention that we keep them all over the place up here.”

“You could just stay away from peppermint”, Pecan scoffed.

“Aren’t you listening, that is almost impossible around this place”, the naughty elf bellowed. “Besides, I’m not allergic to peppermint, it’s candy canes I can’t handle. Any candy in a cane shape. It’s a rare allergy.”

A confused look covered all the faces in the workshop, followed by a short pause.

“Why work here?” Lollipop asked, breaking the silence.

“I’m an elf, I can work here or make shoes. I tried the shoe thing. I’m a really bad cobbler,” the elf admitted.

“Well, we do have one job that you might be able to do,” Santa stated.

Two of the security elves led Gup-gup away. “What are you going to do to him?” Pecan asked.

“We don’t put any candy canes in the coal chutes,” Santa announced. “If he’d said something, we could have transferred him without all of this mess.”

“What if he doesn’t want to work with coal?” Lollipop asked.

Santa shrugged. “We’ll find something for him to do,” the seasonal celebrity offered. “I’ve seen his shoes, he’s right, he’s a really bad cobbler. Now, we need to get you two back home.”

A short sleigh ride later, the duo were back at their office building. As the symbolic sleigh started to pull away, Santa called over his shoulder: “Merry Christmas!”

Waving, the detectives returned the sentiments, heading down to their office. “That was strange, even for us,” Lollipop admitted.

“I got to meet Bill Murray,” Pecan replied. “We could have had pancakes with him.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Lollipop answered.

“I left my axe at his house,” the hulking detective replied.

“We’ll get you a new one,” Lollipop Jones promised.

Back at their respective apartments, the two found their stockings filled. Sitting under Pecan’s Christmas tree was a familiar shape: his axe. Lifting it, he saw a note.

Thought you might need this,

~Santa

Smiling, Pecan looked at the autographed still from Bill Murray and thought to himself, best Christmas ever.

THE END

Thanks for reading everybody. Since Lollipop Jones & Pecan Sandie got their start a few years ago at Christmas, I thought I’d bring them back for another romp. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all, I’ll be back next year with more stories, appearances, and as much fun as I can.

Since you people have been so awesome and followed these two detectives through their adventures, check out the video below to enjoy some classic Bill Murray caroling featuring George Clooney and Miley Cyrus.

After their long hiatus, the daring duo detectives have returned. So, without delay, I present to you

The Thinking Cap of Doctor Felton

Lollipop Jones and Pecan Sandie strolled down the paved pathway between the zoos various exhibits. The petite detective wore her trench coat, and had her trademark confection firmly in her mouth. Walking beside his partner, the hulking Pecan kept glancing at the animals around them. “They got a new lemur,” he pointed out to Lollipop in his usual rumbling voice.

“We’re here on business,” Jones reminded her behemoth of an associate. “After we finish the job, we’ll come back for a visit.”

The duo walked the rest of the way to the small office building located beside the reptile enclosure. Pecan ducked under the doorframe and saw the loudly dressed receptionist staring at his large frame. “Can I help you?” She asked.

“We’re here to see Director Zaius,” Lollipop explained.

“Oh,” the receptionist said, looking at a calendar on her old, outdated computer screen. “You must be the detectives,” she concluded, giving them a once over with her eyes.

Picking up the phone, she pressed a button and began speaking to someone, presumably Director Zaius. A few seconds passed from the time that she hung up to a clearly academic man opened the door behind. “Lollipop Jones, Pecan Sandie?” He asked, glancing at the misfit duo.

“Director Zaius?” Lollipop replied.

“Yes, come back to my office,” the director offered, leading the detectives back to a small room with multiple framed certificates on the walls. “How do you like our zoo?”

“You got a new lemur,” Pecan answered.

“Yes, he came in last month,” Zaius replied. “You have a very good eye, most people can’t tell something like that.”

“Pecan’s got a mind for animals,” Lollipop said, cutting into the conversation. “Why did you reach out to us Director Zaius?”

“We’ve had some troubles here at the city zoo,” he stated. “Nothing too bad, but we would rather have the problem solved easily rather than bring in the police, until we know who they should arrest.”

“So, what’s been happening?” Pecan asked, his voice rumbling around the enclosed office.

“Graffiti,” Zaius said matter of factly. “It’s been appearing almost every morning for a week.”

“Don’t you have security cameras?” Lollipop asked.

“We do, but they always vandalize an area of the zoo where the cameras don’t cover. We’ve never seen anyone coming or going either. Whoever is doing this knows where our cameras are.”

“Or can move around without being seen,” Pecan stated.

“Ninjas?” Lollipop asked.

Her partner shrugged his massive shoulders in response.

“I don’t think it’s ninjas,” Zaius responded.

The detectives looked at the administrator questioningly. “Maybe, it would help if you saw last night’s,” the director suggested, pressing a button on his desk.

A zoo employer dressed in khaki shorts and a matching shirt entered. “Yes, sir,” the man said with a heavy Australian accent, nodding to the detectives in greeting.

“Steve, will you take our guests to the site of last night’s incident and make sure they have anything that they need,” Zaius instructed.

“Right away, boss,” Steve replied, waving for the duo to follow him.

Back out in the heat, the detectives kept pace with the animal handler, taking in the sites on their way. Dumping the empty Lollipop stick in a garbage can, Jones quickly retrieved another sucker and popped it into her mouth. “So, Steve,” she began. “Has there been any other weird things going on at the zoo?”

The Australian thought about it for a moment. “No, just the normal weird,” he answered.

“No, nobody was in the park when that happened,” the animal handler answered. “Security was outside the gate and never saw anyone come or go. Well, here we go.”

Steve stopped and pointed to the large concrete wall that was wedged between one of the forested enclosures and the stone outcroppings surrounding the lion’s den. Free the congress of animals! Read the graffiti. Each letter was at least a foot tall and done in bright yellow, white, or pink paint. “Animal congress…” Pecan read, drifting into thought.

“Yeah, I figure it’s one of those tree-hugging groups. The zoo gets a lot of mail from those groups, pleading for the animals,” Steve said.

“What did the other messages say?” Lollipop asked.

“All similar things, free the true lords of the land, free the wrongly imprisoned, you know that normal hippie tripe,” the zoo employee answered.

“Show us where the others were done,” Pecan grumbled.

“Can they clean this?” Steve asked, pointing to the two men standing beside the wall.

Lollipop nodded, the two men began scraping at the paint with their scrub brushes, and Steve began leading the detectives away. They stopped at each of the other walls that had been vandalized, their messages having already been erased. The duo gave a close examination of the areas where the graffiti took place.

“Tell Director Zaius that we’ll be back right before close of the zoo,” Lollipop stated. “We’ll be staying the night in the zoo.”

“Plan on catching the punks in the act, eh?”

“Something like that,” Pecan answered.

The detectives left and went back to their office. A message from the zoo’s director was waiting on them. Zaius sounded nervous about having the detectives in the zoo after hours. He claimed that he was worried their presence would rile up the animals. “Does that sound like a man that wants us to catch his graffiti artists?” Lollipop asked.

Pecan shrugged. “Maybe, he might just really like the animals.”

Lollipop turned to her partner. “Are you excited about spending the night at the zoo?”

“Yes,” Pecan replied. “We don’t even have to pay for it.”

“This isn’t a pleasure trip,” Lollipop reminded the behemoth. “We still have a job to do.”

“I know,” the hulking man replied. “Did you notice what I noticed?”

“I’m pretty sure that I did,” the petite member of the duo replied. “We can compare notes before tonight.”

As the sun touched on the horizon, the day’s visitors were making their way out of the zoo. Director Zaius and Steve were waiting by the gates for their overnight guests. “Well, most of the guests will be out and security will do the final walk through,” Steve informed them.

“What about Doctor Felton?” Lollipop asked.

“He may still be in his office, but he’ll leave at no later than eight tonight,” Zaius answered. “It’s a bit unusual, but we allow it because of the prestige that his research brings to the zoo. Well, shall we?”

Pecan and Lollipop stepped through the gate and headed back towards the office building beside the reptile house. This time there was no receptionist on duty. Sitting down a small backpack, Lollipop pulled out a thermos and a few wrapped sandwiches, which she placed on the desk. “You didn’t tell anyone but the security guards about us staying, right?” Pecan asked.

“Not a soul beyond them,” Zaius confirmed.

“Well, if you gentlemen will leave it to us, you won’t have any graffiti problems after tonight,” Lollipop replied, smiling.

Smiling back and nodding, the men left the detectives to their overnight vigil.

As darkness set and the only lights in the zoo were the faux streetlights that lined the paved walkways, the detectives sat waiting. “Are we sure about this?” Lollipop asked her partner, turning up the collar of her trench coat and shifting the sucker to the other side of her mouth.

Pecan shrugged. “It’s the best plan we have,” he growled in response.

The flip-out battleaxe sat on the desk with Pecan’s hand resting on the bottom of the handle. Lollipop knew that with the flip of his wrist, her partner could fully extend the weapon to its full height. She did not favor such weapons. As an orphan, she had been trained by the Fighting Sisters of the Closed Fist, a sect of nuns that believed in unarmed combat. It was there that she had mastered their ultimate technique, the Uber-Death Punch: a blow so powerful that it could atomize the bones within a human body. In the time of their career, she had also seen what it could do to geese and imaginary friends. Tonight, she may have to put it to use again. Cracking her knuckles, she wrapped her hands around the doorknob, leading into the zoo. Sliding the battleaxe into its harness at his back, Pecan Sandie stood beside his partner.

Since all the vandalized areas were surrounded by large stones and trees, there was only one other possible target that had not yet been vandalized. The fact that all the walls were adjacent to a very specific animal enclosure had led Lollipop and Pecan to surmise who their culprit might be.

As it was, the detectives were not surprised when they saw the hunched over shapes working the spray paint cans. “All right,” Lollipop said. “Why don’t you put down the paint cans and head back to your enclosure?”

The three gorillas turned around, putting their silverbacks against the wall. “It’s not so simple,” a raspy, English-accented voice said from behind a nearby boulder.

“Why don’t you come out?” Lollipop asked.

Another of the formidable primates walked out from the stone façade. This one was different from its counterparts. Keeping its back straight, it was walking upright without the use of its arms. Something on its head glinted in the streetlights. The gorilla was wearing a colander on its head! “I see by your confused brows that you did not expect this,” the talking gorilla gave a smile, which looked more like a sneer.

The face of the great ape uprising!

“So, a super-smart ape,” Pecan commented, his voice sounding like a truck rumbling over gravel. “We figured it was Doctor Felton.”

“To some degree it was,” the ape said, drawing in a breath to begin monologuing. The detectives had faced enough foes to recognize the gesture. “I was in his office, finishing an examination. The cap, which I wear so well, was sitting on the table, shining so prettily. I took it and hid it, while I was escorted back to the prison. Placing it on my head, I was able to think unlike ever before. I knew how the men that run our jail would treat this discovery and quickly hid my ‘thinking cap,’ donning it at night to lead my gorilla brethren in protest.”

“Really?” Lollipop asked. “You are actually using peaceful protesting method to try and get changes?”

“He’s been discontented for years to just run the research wing here. It was his hope that we would stage some form of revolt that could be placed squarely on the shoulders of Director Zaius, leaving our current administrator unemployed with Felton assuming the reins of this institution,” the ape explained. “He did not count on one very simple thing: we are discontent not savages.”

“Were you happy before getting the shiny hat?” Lollipop inquired.

“Of course, I was able to hang out with my buds. They fed us pretty good, but those days are past. I know what we are and how wrong it is. I hope to be the great liberator. We do not seek the overthrow humanity, but merely live peacefully among you” the great ape continued.

“Pecan get the hat, I’ll handle the paint brigade,” the smaller detective instructed.

“Defend me!” The hyper-intelligent ape shouted to his compatriots.

As the other three gorillas moved to protect their leader, Lollipop pulled a fresh sucker from her pocket and popped it into her mouth. Pecan, not wanting to let the gorillas get between him and their leader, rushed forward. With his shoulder, he pushed aside one of the defenders and stood face to face with the gorilla with the fancy hat. “You think your diminutive companion can handle my friends?” The gorilla asked, laughing.

Pecan Sandie’s hands flexed into fists, every knuckle cracking as loud as a firecracker, and he smiled. His smile was a vicious gesture that silenced the gorilla’s good humor. Raising its fists in a mockery of Queen Anne rules, the gorilla began to step from side to side.

Lollipop Jones saw her partner preparing to grapple with his target and knew that he could handle himself. The three gorillas had now encircled her. Do not Uber-Death Punchthe primates, she thought to herself. From the rear, the gorilla grabbed her ponytail. Kicking off with her back foot, the diminutive detective launched herself into a full flip, bringing her front foot onto the top of her attacker’s head. The gorilla released his grip, and his bottom jaw slammed into the asphalt walkway.

Unconscious, the downed ape began to snore. The other two seemed taken aback by this display, but they quickly recovered and continued circling the woman.

Pecan waded in and planted a large right fist on the intelligent gorilla’s jaw. The animal rocked back. Grabbing hold of Pecan’s wrist, his opponent led in and smashed a fist into the detective’s jaw. Stumbling back, the hulking man spit a wad of blood onto the ground. Still smiling, he turned back to his opponent. “You know for a human, you are quite resilient.”

“Thanks,” Pecan replied, stepping back into the fight.

This time, he was prepared when the gorilla grabbed his wrist and ducked under the animal’s swing and wrapped his arm around the corded muscles and thick fur of his opponent’s shoulder.

Attacking from the rear again, one of the gorilla’s grabbed hold of Lollipop’s trench coat. She slid her hands out and slipped free like a banana squeezed from its peeling, a scary banana that had just downed a full-grown silverback gorilla with a single kick. She shot out of her coat and attacked her other foe. With her hands held out rigidly straight, she dealt three open-handed blows to the gorilla’s knee, chest, and throat. The animal stood there for a moment and then collapsed backwards onto the ground. Turning to her final opponent, Lollipop saw the fear in the ape’s face. He looked at the coat in his hands, dropped it, jumped the nearest fence, and headed back for the gorilla habitat where he was usually housed.

Pecan saw Lollipop’s final foe flee but was too wrapped up, wrestling with his own opponent to comment. He had one massive arm wrapped around the gorilla’s shoulder, fighting to get further around to the ape’s back. The detective felt a fist slam into his exposed ribs, which provided just enough of a nudge to push the man within reach. Grabbing the rim of the colander, Pecan prepared to pull the device free of the gorilla’s head. “Wait!” His opponent pleaded. “Let me reason with you, surely we can come to some agreement.”

“We can at least listen to him,” Lollipop suggested shrugging her coat back on.

Almost immediately, the animal calmed down. “Thank you, does it not seem cruel to you to deny my newfound intelligence?” The ape questioned. “I merely want to be treated decently, advocating for my less intelligent brethren.”

“Why were they out here doing the graffiti?” Pecan rumbled.

“Maybe they don’t realize the conditions of their imprisonment, but I only wanted to help them,” the gorilla explained.

“Can you prove Felton’s plan?” Lollipop inquired.

The intelligent primate nodded. “Absolutely, before I found the thinking cap, he had been showing some very colorful pictures that clearly depicted his plan.”

After taking the incriminating documents from the doctor’s lab, Zeebo, the gorilla, agreed to return to the gorilla enclosure until the detectives had discussed things with the zoo administrator.

The next morning as Director Zaius listened to the detectives’ tale and viewed the evidence that they had gathered, he buzzed his assistant to contact security and have Doctor Felton report to his office as soon as he arrived. “I appreciate your help with this and also your discretion,” he explained.

Lollipop took the check for their services while Pecan took thin laminated strips that Zaius offered. They were lifetime passes to the zoo. Smiling, Pecan shook the man’s hand, being wary of his strength and excitement. After all, it would look bad to break a client’s hand.

“What about Zeebo?” Pecan asked.

“I’m not sure what to do with that,” Zaius admitted. “Any suggestions?”

“Give him a job,” Lollipop replied. “I bet you’ll see some improvements if you do.”

“I never realized how much you like the zoo,” Lollipop commented as the duo headed back to their homes for some much needed rest.

“It’s the animals. Did you know that Bill Murray’s mind was uploaded into a computer chip that was then inserted into a cat?” Pecan asked.

Science run amok!

Lollipop groaned. Her partner’s obsession with the icon bordered on fanaticism.

“I know how it sounds, but it’s true how else do you explain that cat having the voice and mannerisms of the world’s greatest actor?”

“They…” deciding not to argue, Lollipop conceded the point. “You’re absolutely right. They took this breakthrough and made a movie with it.”

“Seems like a bit of a waste doesn’t it?” Pecan asked.

Lollipop groaned louder in response.

The following afternoon, Zeebo dropped by their office to thank them for all of their help. He told them of his plans to go into the local government, even hoping to become governor one day. As the ape shut the door with one final thanks, the detective shared a look.

“I’ve seen worse candidates,” Pecan admitted.

The End

There we go, for more adventures please visit the Lollipop Jones & Pecan Sandie home page here.

As I promised on facebook last week, the dynamic detecting duo have returned. So it is with great pleasure that I bring to you:

Lollipop Jones & Pecan Sandie

in

The Case of the Headless Lawnmower Man

Lollipop Jones and Pecan Sandie sat in their office, facing each other. Things had been quiet since the massive monster brawl that had occupied their time in October. The day was bright and beautiful outside with birds chirping happily. “Is it me or have things been kind of quiet?” Lollipop asked, shifting the stick of the ever-present sucker in her mouth.

The hulking behemoth across from her just shrugged, as he ran the wet stone over the blade of his flip-out battleaxe. “Too hot.” Pecan Sandie commented.

“Yeah, it is.” Lollipop agreed, lowering her hat over her eyes and propping her feet up. “I’m going to take a nap.”

Before the detective could get comfortable, hurried footsteps in the hallway drew their attention. Someone stopped outside their door and knocked. The duo shared a questioning look and then straightened up, making themselves look professional, or as professional as someone can look while sucking on a sugary confection or being a giant in a t-shirt. “Yes?” Lollipop called.

A very generic looking man entered. He was wearing a sweater vest over a polo shirt with khaki shorts and a pair of white canvas Keds. “How can we help you?” Pecan growled.

“My neighbors and I have been having a problem. We called the police, but they said it was outside of their expertise. The chief told me to see if it might be more within your scope.” John Smith offered.

Police Chief Alyssandra Mendez was a close friend of the detectives and had called them in on several strange cases over the years. A recommendation from her always peaked the detectives’ collective interests. Leaning forward in his chair, Pecan towered over John Smith. “What’s the problem?” He asked their client.

John Smith seemed to shrink back from the rough looking character. “Don’t worry sir, Pecan Sandie is perfectly professional. We need to know what’s going on so we can help?” Lollipop Jones stated, trying to calm the man.

John Smith smiled, but still seemed incredibly nervous under the watchful eyes of the detectives. “It all started back in the 1950’s.” John Smith began. “I live in the Fancy Hills Country Club community.”

The detectives nodded, they suspected as much from the way John Smith looked and talked. Fancy Hills was the area where the wealthiest citizens of the city lived. If they had made a complaint, the police chief would have personally gone to see about it. “Back then, there was a gardner by the name of Maximilian Ludvisk. He was a German immigrant and an amazing engineer. As the sole caretaker for the community and golf course, he had a great deal of work. By all accounts, he was incredibly happy with his work, but felt he could be much more efficient.” Smith continued.

“He created his very own riding lawnmower, I’ve heard stories that it was better built than anything available for sale at the time. It seems that at dusk one night, he was cutting some of the residential yards when there was a mishap.” Their client paused and was happy to leave the story there.

“You should probably finish the story, so that we know what we’re dealing with.” Lollipop stated as she dropped the empty sucker stick into the garbage can and procured another from the drawer of her desk.

“Ah, yes.” John Smith replied as he continued. “According to the police report from the time, an empty clothesline had shifted down the pole and in the dim light Maximilian could not see it. The lady of that house saw the entire incident from the window in the kitchen. The line caught the poor man and with the power in the engine of his creation, it was a perfect combination to separate his head from his body.”

“Wow, you don’t hear about that too often.” Lollipop commented.

“What’s this have to do with your trouble?” Pecan asked.

“Well you see, there had never been anything more than rumors before, occasionally someone’s lawn would be cut differently, but now things are getting much worse and its been dangerous.” John Smith told them, as if his words had explained everything.

“What?” Pecan asked, raising his eyebrow in confusion.

“Why are things getting more dangerous?” Lollipop asked.

“He’s back.” John Smith said. “Maximilian Ludvisk and his deathmower are terrorizing our community.” An ominous peal of thunder echoed in the distance as lighting crashed, rattling the windows. Naw, I’m just kidding, it was like a super nice day outside (see the third sentence up there), but you know, I felt it added ambiance. Sorry, I’ll just rebuild that fourth wall.

“So Max and his lawn mower are what?” Lollipop asked. “I mean he was a gardener right? So is he attacking the new landscapers?”

“No.” John Smith stated. “At night, you can hear him riding up and down the neighborhood. My neighbor was almost run down while walking his poodle. If something isn’t done soon, he might kill someone.”

“Did he intentionally aim for your neighbor?” Pecan asked, crunching pecans in his hand and picking out the nut to much on.

“He came straight at him and never tried to turn. Poor Mr. Snuffles still has problems leaving the house. Have you ever seen an agoraphobic poodle? It’s tragic.” John Smith explained.

The only way to cheer up an agoraphobic poodle

Pecan and Lollipop chuckled. Neither of them had ever seen an agoraphobic poodle, but they thought it would be hilarious. “Okay. This does sound like a case for us.” Lollipop said, regaining her composure. “What time does Max normally show up?”

“Around ten.” John Smith replied.

“Why didn’t your neighbor make the report?” Pecan asked.

“I’m the president of the home owner’s association. We thought it might be better if I made the report.” He informed them.

“We’ll be there tonight around nine thirty, so let the guard know to let us in.” Lollipop stated.

“Thank you.” John Smith said standing.

As the door shut behind him, the duo looked at each other. “Rich people are weird.” Pecan commented.

“Yeah.” Pecan replied. “You know Bill Murray became an expert gardener while working on Caddyshack.”

“No, Pecan. I did not.” Lollipop sighed, pinching the arch of her nose. Her partner’s fascination with the actor was that of a zealot. Still, she knew better than to call him out on the veracity of his statements.

“He was able to produce a hybrid of grass that the golf course still uses. They say it is the greatest grass that anyone can ever play on. Bill Murray has secretly been sharing the technique with golf courses around the world to avoid litigation.” Pecan finished his fun fact with a grin.

“Good to know.” Lollipop replied. “Let’s get lunch.”

The Fancy Hills Country Club was a rolling expanse of beautifully manicured lawns and perfectly designed houses centering around the large facility that was the country club proper. It had horses, polo fields, Olympic-sized training facilities and one of the top rated golf courses in the country. Needless to say that Pecan Sandie and Lollipop Jones had never been anywhere close to the facility before. Lollipop parked her large, monster-wheeled, truck by the sidewalk and climbed down. Pecan just dropped from the cab and landed on the sidewalk with a solid impact.

Pecan growled at the man. The glint of metal from Pecan’s back, made the guard jumpy. Nervously, the man pulled his sidearm. Lollipop realized that the situation was getting bad very quickly. As a trained member of the Fighting Sisters of the Closed Fist, a warrior sect of nuns, Lollipop crossed the distance to the man quickly. Placing one hand on the slide of the weapon, keeping it from firing, she gave a quick tap to the guard’s neck. His entire body went rigid. “I know you can’t move.” Lollipop told the man. “I’m going to take this gun out of your hands and put it back into your holster. We are expected here. Mr. John Smith said that he would be telling you to expect us.”

Pecan Sandie lifted the man and carried him back to the gatehouse. Lifting his clipboard from a peg on the wall, Lollipop scanned the name. “See, we’re right here. Lollipop Jones and Pecan Sandie.” She announced, pointing at their names on the list. “We’ll just go on up. We’re expected.”

Pushing open the gates, the duo took in the expensive looking facades of the houses. Pecan let out a low whistle. A golf cart was coming down to meet them. It was John Smith. “Glad to see you made it.” He greeted them. “I’ll take you up to the area with the most problems.”

Lollipop climbed in beside him as Pecan sat on the rear. The small motor groaned at the additional weight. “Do you always have those?” John Smith asked, pointing to the sucker in Lollipop’s cheek.

“Not when I sleep.” She replied.

“Right.” John Smith said as they stopped in front of a cul de sac.

Pecan stepped off of the cart, causing the vehicle to jump at the absence of weight. “What makes this place so special?” Lollipop asked.

“This is the section of the neighborhood where he had his accident.” Their client informed them.

“Good place to haunt.” Pecan stated. “Very nice.”

“Yes, well thank you, but we’d really appreciate it if you could stop him.” John Smith reminded them.

“We’ll do everything that we can.” Lollipop stated.

Climbing back onto his golf cart, the President of the Fancy Hills Country Club Home Owner’s Association drove away to his comfortable house. The detectives stood in the middle of the street for a moment. “How do you stop a ghost?” Lollipop asked.

Pecan shrugged. “Not like an imaginary fiend.” Pecan grumbled.

“We can try our normal method first.” Lollipop offered.

“Works for me.” Pecan agreed.

The duo walked the street, waiting for an appearance of the ghostly gardener. Behind one of the houses, they heard a small choke, like an engine starting. It was followed by the steady hum of a lawn mower engine. Rushing towards the sound, they saw a spectral figure running over the grass. An old contraption that had not been seen for several decades rolled easily over the green of the lawns. It was much different than modern riding mowers, this one had a large round wheel of blades in the front rather than under the body. Sitting at the controls, dressed in coveralls was a headless man. “I need to get over the blades.” Lollipop informed her partner.

It was like this

mixed with this.

Cupping his hands together, Pecan nodded at the small detective. Running, Lollipop placed her foot into Pecan’s improvised launch pad. Throwing her into the air, Pecan watched as she soared in an arc towards the target. Lollipop’s trench coat flapped about her like brown wings. Preparing the ultimate attack of the Fighting Sisters of the Closed Fist, the Uber-Death Punch, she waited until she was on top of her opponent. Her fist struck out, passing through the ghostly man. The blow would have atomized the bones of a normal human, but the ghost did not have any reaction to the strike.

Baffled, the detective looked to her partner. Pecan had the handle of his axe in his hand. With a flick of his wrist, the weapon extended to its full length. Striking at the mower, his axe head wedged in between some of the blades. The driver turned off the engine of the lawnmower and pantomimed scratching his head, only their was no head for him to scratch. He stepped off of the vehicle and both disappeared. “Did I do it?” Pecan asked.

“Maybe.” Lollipop answered. “Keep in mind I’ve never fought a ghost before either.”

From another yard, the lawnmower revved to life. “Guess not.” Pecan stated.

For the rest of the night, the duo watched the headless lawnmower man. He was not doing anything other than cutting the lawns. The detectives were puzzled. All the information that they had been given seemed to indicate that the ectoplasmic being was dangerous, but this looked like he was still on the job. “Weird.” Lollipop stated.

“We need to talk to some people.” Pecan stated, putting his axe up and cracking his knuckles.

Dawn broke on a lovely morning, with dew over the fresh cut grass. People were stepping out onto their freshly mowed lawns. It seemed that the neighborhood was filled with the people you would expect. There was Overweight Bald Man, Old Lady with Too Much Makeup, Trophy Wife and Mid-Life Crisis Guy, all watching the detectives. Rounding out the group was John Smith, riding in on his golf cart. “How’d it go?” He asked, stepping from the tiny vehicle.

“Well, we didn’t get rid of Max.” Lollipop replied honestly.

“All he did was cut the grass.” Pecan stated. “He isn’t dangerous.”

“He almost killed me and Mr. Fluffles.” Protested Old Lady with Too Much Makeup.

“The guy doesn’t have a head.” Lollipop retorted. “What do you expect?”

“Look, you people suck, but I might have a solution.” Pecan stated. “We’ll go back to our office and be back tonight.”

Back at their office, Pecan Sandie sat down at his desk. The items that they had purchased on the way laid out before him. Picking up a paring knife, he began to slowly carve the butternut squash gourd before him. “What are you doing?” Lollipop asked.

“He needs a head.” Pecan replied.

“Wouldn’t a pumpkin be more appropriate?” Lollipop asked (clearly a stickler for Irving).

“You see any pumpkins?” Pecan asked. “They come into season much later, what we’ve got is butternut squash.”

With a few deft flicks of his hand, Pecan had carved a happy face onto the gourd. Opening a Mr. Spud Head figure, the large man took pink plastic ears and stuck them in at the appropriate places. “All right.” He informed his partner. “We’re ready.”

Armed with the gourd, Pecan Sandie and Lollipop Jones waited. This time when they rushed towards the lawnmower sounds, they had a plan. Stepping in front of the on-rushing spectral vehicle, Pecan hurled the gourd at the ghost. It hit the neck and stuck. Amazed the duo watched as the carved eyes blinked and squinted. Taking a pair of glasses from his pocket, Maximilian Ludvisk placed them on his new head, resting the arms against his plastic ears and waved at the detectives. Waving back, they stepped aside so that he could continue his job.

The next morning, as the neighbors came out, they marveled at how good their lawns looked. Even John Smith was impressed. “He did a really good job.” The President commented. “What did you do?”

A little explanation about our title for today. When Universal started releasing their monster movies they were all the rage, but over time 1 monster just wasn’t enough. Someone came up with the brilliant idea of combining the monsters. So they would name it the House of stuff (but instead of stuff it was like Dracula or Frankenstein). I thought that Lollipop Jones & Pecan Sandie should contribute to that proud tradition.

“At last we are all gathered.” Dracula announced, standing at the head of the long oak table. A fire burned nearby in the stone fireplace. “With Halloween’s sunset, we will conclude our business and the world will rediscover terror.”

Yup, the boys are back in town.

As he let loose a malevolent laugh, the other assembled monsters joined in. The wolfman, Peter Stubbe, split the night with a howl that lasted through the final notes of laughter. “And what about those two detectives?” Dr. Henrietta Von Frankenstein asked.

“Ah yes, good question my dear doctor. And might I add, that you have done your ancestors proud.” Dracula stated, motioning to the large stitched figure seated beside her. The scientist patted her creation on the shoulder, proudly. “As for the detectives, we will deal with them in the same manner that we dealt with the interloper, Azul Gato.”

The Aztec Mummy, seated at the far end of the table, stiffened, more than his already stiff body was. “I am not sure what you mean.” Frankenstein stated. “They cannot be deported.”

“No, they cannot.” Dracula stated, a malevolent smile crossing his lips, revealing his pointed fangs. “But the human authorities can easily delay them for us. With my newest human servant, that will not be a difficult task.”

Rachael N. Field, reporter assigned to follow Chief of Police Alyssandra Mendez, stood outside the offices of Lollipop Jones & Pecan Sandie. She waited until the daring detectives arrived. It was still several minutes before their scheduled office hours, when she heard the approaching footsteps of something heavy. Turning towards the stairway door, she saw the oversized frame of Pecan Sandie squeeze through the doorway and step into the hall. “Mr. Sandie, a pleasure to see you again.” Field called and gave a short wave.

Pecan nodded. “And what do we owe the pleasure of this visit?” Lollipop asked from behind the reporter.

The detective was dressed in her usual trench coat and hat, the white stick of a sucker, protruding between her lips. “No worries.” Rachael replied. “I was wanting to get an exclusive interview with you for my article of the chief.”

Pecan Sandie had joined them and unlocked their office door. He looked at his partner and shrugged. “Okay.” Lollipop agreed. “But make it quick.”

Rachael followed Pecan into the office, with Lollipop entering last. Sitting down in front of Pecan’s desk, Rachael surveyed the office. “I only had a few questions regarding the recent events at the museum.” Field explained, as she flipped open her notebook.

After asking a few superficial questions, Rachael thanked the detectives and left their office. As she passed through the small waiting room, she dropped something behind one of the plants in the corner.

“So we haven’t had any luck with the exhibit at the museum.” Lollipop stated.

Pecan nodded. The duo had been through every article associated with the exhibit that Dracula had hitchhiked in with, and they had found no clue as to where the lord of the vampires could be hiding. Outside, the sun was starting to sink behind the buildings. A loud knocking came from the door. Stepping into the small waiting area, Lollipop opened it. Standing in the hallway was Alyssandra Mendez, the chief of police. “Hey Chief.” Lollipop greeted.

“Ms. Jones, I’m afraid I have a warrant to search these premises.” Mendez stated, holding up the paper.

“What?” Pecan rumbled from the office area.

Some of the policemen reached towards their sidearms. “I wouldn’t do that guys.” Lollipop cautioned.

Stepping back into their office, the police started to search through the small waiting area. The detectives sat behind their respective desks. Lollipop discarded the empty stick from her mouth and replaced it with a fresh sucker from her pocket. “Earlier this afternoon, we received a call of an attack.” Mendez started. “We were able to get several eye witnesses to the event. At first, we thought it might be related to the strange things this city has witnessed this month, but after talking to the witnesses, we don’t think so.”

“What did they see?” Lollipop asked.

“A man, matching Pecan Sandie’s description, nearly flattened a car and made off with the elderly woman driver.” Mendez explained. “Can you account for his whereabouts today?”

“He’s been in the office with me all day.” Lollipop Jones stated.

Pecan sat behind his desk, a slowly burning look of rage smoldered in his eyes. “I’m not sure it was him, so we’re doing this as a precaution, just to go ahead and clear his name.”

“Chief?” One of the police called from the small waiting room.

“Excuse me.” She said, stepping out to speak with her men.

The chief returned a moment later, carrying a woman’s wallet. “Can you explain how this got here?” She asked.

“Never seen it before.” Pecan stated.

“Me either.” Lollipop agreed.

“It belongs to our victim.” Mendez announced. “Lollipop Jones and Pecan Sandie, I’m placing you under arrest for the assault and abduction of Henrietta Von Frankenstein.”

Pecan flipped his desk into their path and rushed across the small room. He lifted up Lollipop Jones and burst through the window behind her, landing on the fire escape. “What?” She started to ask.

“Run.” Pecan rumbled, as he began to slide down the stairs to the next floor.

After repeating the procedure several times, the duo were in the alley. Lollipop saw flashing blue lights on one end of the alley, but not the other. Running away from the police, she heard Pecan Sandie trundling along behind her. Several blocks away from their office, seeking shelter from the cold autumn wind, the duo sat in a parking garage stairwell. “You know who’s responsible for this.” Pecan stated, his voice filled with anger.

“Yeah, I heard who the victim was and I can think of something that fits your description pretty well.” Lollipop agreed, remembering how the mad doctor’s creation had been almost the same size as her partner. “I still don’t see how they could have gotten her wallet into our office.”

“Field.” Pecan replied.

“What?” Lollipop asked.

“ R. N. Field” Pecan explained. “She’s working for Dracula.”

“How?” Lollipop stated. “Wouldn’t she have to have contact with him first?”

Pecan nodded. “It’s the only possible way. And she made sure the police found out that the attacker looked like me. Plus, I mean this is kind of how these things always tend to work out.”

“Yeah, it’s odd. It’s almost like lazy writing, but anyway. Looks like it’s time to meet the press.” Lollipop Jones stated, heading out of the stairwell.

Rachael Field was walking out of her apartment to her car. Her eyes were glazed over and she did not see the detectives standing beside her walkway. “Hey there Field.” Lollipop called.

The reporter did not even look at them. “Rude.” Pecan stated, as he reached out towards her.

Lollipop put a hand on her partner’s shoulder. “Look at her face.” She said pointing.

The hulking behemoth noticed that the reporter’s features were slack. “Hypnotism.” Pecan rumbled.

“Right. Dracula tried to do the same thing to me.” Lollipop explained. “He wasn’t as good as my teachers.”

Lollipop Jones was referring to the Fighting Sisters of the Closed Fist, an order of warrior nuns that had trained her. “Follow her?” Pecan offered.

Lollipop nodded. As the reporter opened the driver’s side door of her car, the detectives climbed into the backseat. If she noticed, she didn’t give any indication.. Rachael N. Field cranked the car and started driving.

“You are here at the sufferance of us all!” Dracula shouted, pointing at the Aztec Mummy.

The mummy mumbled something in response. “He’s right.” Peter Stubbe, still in human form, replied. “If we could have gotten into a town with an Egyptian wing, you wouldn’t be here.”

Peter just shrugged. “Hrm, chge burrat.” Frankenstein’s creature said, his motor skills weren’t great yet, but he was learning speech: slowly but surely.

“He’s right!” Dracula exclaimed, motioning toward the creature. “Why do you turn into a bat? You aren’t a vampire or even a bat related creature. And what’s the deal with draining one victim of blood? You are like some stupid amalgamation of monsters.”

The Aztec Mummy made a response, but its mask muffled the sound. “And take off that stupid mask or quit talking. It’s rude to mumble.” Dracula replied to the mumbled comeback.

“How long?” Peter Stubbe asked.

Henrietta Von Frankenstein checked her watch. “He should be here in about five minutes.” She replied.

“Well, might as well get my game face on.” Peter Stubbe stated, as his nose began to elongate and black fur started to sprout from his pores.

“Indeed.” Dracula agreed, distracted. “Ah, my new assistant is arriving, just in time.”

Rachael stopped her car in front of the old colonial home. Large trees obscured the front of the house, but the stairs were clear enough. Lights were shining inside the derelict structure. “Seems like a good monster hangout.” Pecan stated, stepping from the cramped car and stretching.

“Yeah.” Lollipop agreed. “I don’t want her to be a problem.”

With a light tap, Lollipop rendered the human thrall unconscious. Pecan caught her and set her back into her car. “Do you think we should knock?” Pecan asked, a feral grin on his face.

“Not yet.” Lollipop stated. “We don’t have much of a plan.”

The two detectives quickly devised a strategy. “Now why don’t you knock?” Lollipop Jones asked, as she vanished around the back of the house.

Taking the front steps in two bounds, Pecan Sandie drew back and placed his gigantic fist directly in the center of the two entry doors. They rocketed off the hinges and flew into the foyer, sliding into the dining room. “Well someone’s being loud this evening.” Dracula stated.

He entered the foyer, smiling. It quickly fell from his face, when he saw the giant figure looming. “You!” He exclaimed. “We will not allow you to stop us. Get him!”

As the gathered monsters rushed from their seats towards Pecan Sandie, the massive man calmly plucked his flip out battle axe from his back. With a flick of his wrist, he extended the deadly weapon. As he started to laugh, a rumbling sound that echoed in the large old house, the monsters stopped, unsure of themselves. “Well?” Pecan Sandie challenged.

Frankenstein’s patchwork man rushed forward, his mismatched fists raised above his head. Lowering his shoulder, Pecan slammed into the broad brute, bouncing him into the wall. The weight of the creature was too great and the wall collapsed, dropping the stitched together monster onto the weak floor boards. His attention turned towards the product of science, Peter Stubbe attached Pecan Sandie from behind. Spinning, the gargantuan detective caught the wolfman mid-leap and spun, releasing the furry fiend. As planned, the werewolf crashed into the Aztec Mummy, leaving both of them in a heap on the floor. “You tried to frame me?!” Pecan demanded.

Looking at his downed companions, Dracula held his hands up innocently in front of him. “Okay, I can see why you might be upset, but this gathering is incredibly important for us. We couldn’t have you interrupting it.” Dracula explained.

“Did you think that killing a museum guard and turning several others into vampires was not the best way to keep a low profile?” Pecan Sandie asked in his rumbling voice.

“I know, the guard was just there and I had forgot to pack a snack for the trip. So I’m really sorry about that, but you know, accidents happen.” Dracula offered weakly.

“Not intentionally.” The vampire explained. “How was I supposed to know that the police would bring in these two . . . where’s the other one?”

As if on cue, Lollipop Jones rushed in from behind and planted the heel of her foot directly into the small of the noble nosferatu’s back. The well-dressed undead dropped with a groan. “I’m right here.” Lollipop stated.

The wolfman, having untangled himself from the Aztec Mummy’s trappings, rushed towards the lithe female detective. With a quick turn, she planted her first in the fur covered abdomen of her attacker, delivering an Uber-Death Punch. The boneless werewolf collapsed in a puddle of fur. “Won’t keep him down.” Pecan stated.

“I know.” Lollipop responded, as she turned her attentions back to Dracula.

Two arms, both made from different pieces of men with scientifically enhanced strength, wrapped around Pecan’s chest, trapping his arms by his side. Struggling, the massive man mountain tried to break the hold of Frankenstein’s creature. Laughing, at least it sounded like laughing, but was muffled by its burial mask, the Aztec Mummy approached the struggling detective. A ceremonial bowl in one hand, with a raised obsidian dagger clutched in the other. Lollipop Jones saw her partner’s peril and turned to attend to it. Dracula grabbed her ponytail and hurled her away from Pecan. “Now you foolish wench! I have commanded nations and you think to defeat me.” He sneered, baring his fangs.

As she bounced off the wall, the air was forced from her lungs, expelling her sucker across the room, where it shattered on the floor. Reaching up, Lollipop wiped a drop of blood from underneath her nose and saw her devastated sugary treat. “Now, I’m pissed.” She stated. Reaching inside her coat, she retrieved a pale yellow sucker that was almost translucent. “This one’s just for you.” She announced as she placed the confection in her mouth.

Pecan Sandie fought to get free of his physical match and avoid the dangerous dagger of the demented dead guy in rags (that’s a lot of d’s but I love alliteration). Almost upon him, the window high up in the wall, shattered. A familiar blue masked luchador descended, landing on top of the Aztec Mummy. “Hola, amigos.” Azul Gato greeted. “I told you it would only take about a week.”

Smiling, Pecan Sandie slammed his head straight back into the mad science project’s face. With a satisfying crunch, Pecan felt the vice like grip around him loosen. Straining, Pecan broke the bear hug and turned to face the monster. Dropping his axe to the floor, Pecan hoisted the behemoth off his feet and tossed him back into the dining room. “Heavy.” Pecan stated, stretching.

Lollipop Jones and Dracula circled each other, both of them seeking an opening to attack. Dracula came in and slashed at the dainty detective. Lollipop easily dodged the attack and saw her opportunity. Taking the sucker from her mouth, she slapped the sticky orb right between Dracula’s eyes, like one of those kids that always leaves half-eaten candy where you’re most likely to accidentally find it. We all know those kids and can’t stand them, but this was a dangerous warrior nun trained detective fighting a monster, so we’ll let it slide, won’t we folks? Flipping away from the vampire, Lollipop joined Pecan Sandie and Azul Gato in the center of the foyer. Smoke started to drift from Dracula’s forehead. “Ow!” He shouted, flailing around, trying to get the sticky treat off his head. “What is this?”

“Garlic lollipop.” Jones stated.

“Why would you even have this?” Dracula questioned, as he finally wrenched the treat from his smoking forehead.

With his bones half formed, the wolfman tried to pull himself over towards the crime fighters. Pecan grabbed the furry lump and tossed it into Dracula. “Are we good?” Pecan asked.

Lollipop did a quick check around them. “Yup. Water’s on the left.” She answered.

Frankenstein’s creature came rushing from the dining room. “I’m on it.” Lollipop stated.

Pecan, trusting his partner, punched through the floor and came up with two different sets of pipes. One was PVC and the other was a rubber tubing. As the creature charged, Lollipop Jones stepped in front of the jigsaw juggernaut. Swatting at the diminutive detective, the monster gave Lollipop the chance she needed. Grasping the malformed arm, Lollipop pivoted and used the creature’s momentum against it. Sailing through the air, the hulking beast crashed down beside Dracula and the werewolf.

Breaking the PVC pipe, Pecan began to spray the jumbled monsters with water. “Gato.” Pecan said.

The luchador had the Aztec Mummy on his shoulders and was performing an airplane spin. “Gladly.” Azul Gato responded, tossing the bandaged bad guy among its soaking associates.

“Water?” Dracula questioned, laughing. “You will have to do better than this.”

Sparks flew from the severed power line. The monster’s eyes grew wide as the massive detective dropped the line onto the wet floor. As the electricity coursed through the monsters, the most diabolical fiend entered the house: the creature from the law firm of Black, Lagoon, and Gillman. And not just a creature, but a partner nonetheless, Gillman himself was here to oversee the gathering. Its three piece suit was impeccable, with its green scaled head rising above a designer tie. “What’s the meaning of this?” The creature asked, staring at the scene before it. Its voice was watery and had a similar sound to a gurgle.

Yeah, definitely an “innocent” looking gathering.

Grabbing the well-dressed monster, Pecan shoved it into the electrical current. Dropping its briefcase, the Gillman became trapped in the shocking flow of power. As the grandfather clock in the corner started to chime midnight, the power shorted out and the monsters were free. Smoke rising off of them, the monsters began to wail. “No!” Dracula cried to the rafters. “What can we do?”

Standing up the lawyer straightened his tie with his webbed hands. “Unfortunately, I warned you that holding the meeting so close to the deadline might cause problems. The contracts, with the exception of mine, have expired. We have thirty days to negotiate some consignments, but unfortunately we have lost the upper hand.”

“What?” Henrietta Von Frankenstein asked, as she emerged from the closet where she had hidden. “I went through all that trouble though.”

“As I said, not all hope is lost. We can get something, but we have lost our chance to renew the contract under the old terms.” Gillman explained.

“What’s going on?” Lollipop demanded. “Are we going to finish this or what?”

She was ready to continue her fight. Behind her, Pecan Sandie stood with battle axe in hand, ready as well. Azul Gato leaned against the wall, his eyes watching the Aztec Mummy. “What’s the point?” Dracula lamented.

Peter Stubbe, the wolfman, let out a whine. “I’m sorry.” Gillman started. “It seems that you have stumbled onto something outside your scope. I represent my clients for their contract negotiations. In order to renew our contracts under the current terms, all forms must be signed by midnight on Halloween every ten years.”

“Contracts?” Pecan asked, confused.

“Yes. My clients’ likeness is used in merchandising worldwide, it’s my job to make sure that they are properly compensated for said use.” Gillman explained. Producing a card from inside his jacket, the amphibious creature handed one to each of the detectives. “If you ever need representing, look me up.” Turning to the rest of the monsters, he continued. “Be at my office tomorrow evening and we’ll try to salvage this.”

Walking out into the night, the detectives watched as the Gillman got behind the wheel of a new luxury sedan and drove off. “Wonderful.” Dracula stated.

The monsters prepared to depart. “Wait!” Azul Gato stated. “I have no quarrel with most of you, but the Aztec Mummy cannot be allowed to leave here.”

A muffled laughter erupted from under the mask, the mummy said something and gestured to the other monsters present. “What’s he saying?” Lollipop asked.

“Who knows?” Dracula replied. “He’s all yours, we don’t even like that guy.”

His laughter stopped as the mummy turned and watched as the other monsters headed for the door. Making a fist, Azul Gato cracked his knuckles. “Do you need any help?” Lollipop asked.

“No. I will see you some other time amigos.” Azul Gato stated as he approached the bandaged fiend.

Stepping out onto the steps of the old house, the detectives saw a bat flitting away into the night, the wolfman disappeared into the woods, and Frankenstein and her creature were walking down the driveway. Rachael N. Field was waking up behind the wheel of her car. Shaking her head, the reporter cranked the car and drove off. “How did you know that would work?” Lollipop asked Pecan.

“Don’t cross the streams, until you have to so you can save the day.” Pecan answered.

Right, never cross the streams.

“Really, you’re going to end on a Ghostbusters’ quote?” Lollipop Jones asked.

“End?” Pecan asked.

“Not you. I’m talking to you, Mr. Tucker.” Lollipop stated, shattering the fourth wall. “You’re going to end this five part story with a Ghostbusters’ quote?” She questioned.

Just as a little sidenote, I love Luchador films. That has nothing really to do with this week’s Horror themed adventure, but you know, just felt like sharing. Following their encounter with Dracula, face-off with the Wolfman, and shocking Frankenstein experience, I give to you:

Lollipop Jones & Pecan Sandie vs The Mummy (but not that one)

Pecan Sandie and Lollipop Jones were going through the city museum’s latest exhibit, an exhibit that had brought Count Dracula to the city. The vampire lord had escaped. So far the wolfman and a descendant of Frankenstein had shown up. All of them had gotten away, although it wasn’t clear what had become of the female Frankenstein and her creation. “What are we doing here?” Lollipop asked, taking the empty sucker stick from her mouth. Rifling through her pockets, she retrieved another sucker. “I’ve only got one more of these left, so we need to make this quick.”

“I thought Dracula might have left a clue.” Pecan stated, his voice rumbling like thunder.

“Why don’t we open the crate?” Lollipop asked, pointing at the crate displayed beneath the glass enclosure.

It had been the method of travel implored by the undead fiend. Pecan shrugged and approached the counter. He raised his massive fist into the air. Lollipop looked away to avoid any flying glass. After the shattering sound, she looked back. Pecan Sandie, massive mountain of a man, stood looking towards the entrance, his fist still raised in the air, the glass counter unscathed. “Was that you?” Lollipop Jones asked.

Stepping through the arching doorway, the detectives saw the shattered remains of a display case. Standing in the center of the foyer was a figure wearing a feathered headdress and wrapped in ancient cloth. “A mummy?” Lollipop stated. “Really?”

Turning towards the sound, the mummy made a muffled sound from underneath its ornate carven mask. “I think it’s trying to talk.” Pecan stated, staring confused at the creature. “I thought only the Egyptian ones came back.”

The mummy put a hand on its desiccated hip and shook a fist at the hulking man. Pecan grabbed the mummy’s outstretched hand and swung the bandaged figure around. Letting go, he sent the Aztec figure crashing into the wall. Pushing free of the wall, the figure stood up, cracking its vertebrae. “You wouldn’t happen to have a book on mummies would you?” Lollipop asked.

“Not with me.” Pecan responded.

Lollipop Jones, trained by the warrior nuns of the Fighting Sisters of the Closed Fist, planted her feet and prepared to strike down the ancient being. As she drew back to strike, an engine revved from outside and a motorcycle crashed through the glass doors. A man in a blue mask, red cape, and spandex outfit, leaped from the rolling machine and landed on Pecan’s shoulders. Using this new distraction to its advantage, the Aztec Mummy morphed into a bat and flew into the night. “Why did the mummy just turn into a bat?” Lollipop asked, turning back to her partner.

Surprisingly, the masked wrestler was still grappling with Pecan Sandie. With his legs wrapped tightly around the corded muscles of Sandie’s neck, the luchador was trying to flip the large man over. Tapping the wrestler on the forehead, Jones got his attention. “Excuse me.” She stated. “What are you doing?”

“I will deal with you in a moment, bruja.” The wrestler stated.

Wrapping his massive hands around the wrestler’s legs, Pecan Sandie tried to pry the man off. “I don’t know what you just called me, but I’m going to assume it wasn’t nice.” Lollipop announced.

As Pecan leveraged the spandex clad legs apart, Lollipop delivered an open handed blow to the side of the masked man’s head. His legs no longer locked around Pecan’s throat, the man dropped to the floor. Rolling back to his feet, the wrestler stumbled back trying to regain his balance. “Now why did you attack us?” Lollipop asked again.

“Are you not the beast of Frankenstein?” The luchador asked, accusingly.

“Him?” Lollipop asked, pointing at her partner. “We fought against that guy just last week. He and his creator were washed away in the flood from the dam.”

“I saw you there. Do you expect me to believe that you are not the creature?” The wrestler asked again.

“Look, I’m Lollipop Jones and this is my partner, Pecan Sandie.” The female detective introduced them. “Note how neither of us introduces ourselves as Frankenstein.”

“I have heard tales of the great Lollipop and Pecan.” The luchador stated, his voice conveying the awe that he felt. “Please accept my apologies. After having seen your friend survive the flood, combined with his size and strength, I assumed he was the creature.”

“Thank you. I am the Azul Gato, my father the Azul Tigre once wore a mask as well.” Gato explained. “It was after defeating an Aztec Mummy that he made his way to the main event in the sky.”

Pictured: Azul Gato, high school portrait

“Sorry to hear it.” Lollipop said. “You should probably go back to Mexico. We’ll wrap up this mummy case.”

“I would love to go home to Mexico, but it is a matter of honor that I cannot. My family has confronted these creatures of living death for five generations.” He stated. “I would gladly accept your help against this menace though.”

Lollipop and Pecan exchanged a glance. “What do you think?” Jones asked.

“I don’t think I have a book on them.” Pecan offered.

“Well then that’s settled.” Lollipop replied. “Azul Gato welcome aboard. You need to clean up the mess you made though.”

“No worries.” Gato stated. “I can have this patched up in no time.”

Jones gave Azul Gato the address to their offices and told him to meet them there, once he had finished fixing the glass doors.

As the sun rose into the sky, the Azul Gato entered the office of the detectives. “That was quick.” Pecan commented.

“I know a guy.” Gato replied.

“As long as it’s fixed, I don’t care.” Lollipop stated. “Okay expert, what can we expect from the mummy.”

“The Aztec Mummy brought here was a high priest. He is the first high priest to have awaken in nearly sixty years. He is also the only Aztec Mummy to resurrect away from Mexico.” Gato explained. “I am curious to know why now and here.”

“No good can come of this.” Gato stated. “If we are to stop the mummy from joining their ranks, then we must stop him before he can gather himself.”

“What?” Pecan asked, confused by the luchador’s statement.

“Sorry.” Gato apologized. “He must gather himself, not his body, but the things that denote his position. To be a complete and true Aztec Mummy, he will search for the tools of his life before mummification. Also, he will most likely take a victim.”

“Good to know.” Jones responded. “Answer me this, why did he turn into a bat? I thought that was strictly a vampire trick.”

Azul Gato laughed, a hearty sound. “He transforms himself for the same reason that I drive a motorcycle, because I can.”

“I can tell that you are just going to be a big ball of helpful.” Lollipop stated, sarcasm dripping from her words.

“I cannot tell you why it is an evil creature or why it transforms into a bat. I also cannot tell you why it will drain the blood of its first victim and try to cut the heart out of the others. What I do know is that it will return to the museum for more of the artifacts related to the Aztec priesthood.” Gato informed them. “If we can find the first victim, we may know where its layer is, but without that we can be prepared at the museum tonight.”

As the transplanted crime fighter finished speaking, the phone rang. Picking up the receiver, Lollipop greeted the caller. It was a quick conversation. “That was Chief Mendez.” Lollipop Jones stated, opening the top drawer of her desk. “We’ve either found another vampire victim or the Aztec Mummy has struck.”

Pulling out a handful of suckers, Jones began distributing them to the different pockets of her coat. Gato gave a curious look to Pecan. The giant just shrugged his shoulders as he headed for the door.

The trio arrived at the crime scene only a few minutes later. Police Chief Alyssandra Mendez greeted them personally. “Azul Gato?” She asked.

“Si, Senorita.” He answered with a slight bow.

“I am honored to have such a distinguished figure working with us.” The chief replied, her cheeks starting to blush.

R. N. Field, a reporter assigned to the follow the chief, seemed overly interested in the wrestler. She looked like she had not slept well in weeks, bags had piled up under her eyes and her complexion seemed to have paled since their last meeting with her. “You of course remember Ms. Field.” Alyssandra stated, acknowledging the woman.

“Of course.” Lollipop replied. “You have something for us chief?”

“Right this way.” Alyssandra stated as she led the trio, the reported close behind.

Laying in the alley was one of the city’s homeless population. The body was a dried out husk. It was obvious that any fluid in the body had been removed. Kneeling down, the two detectives examined the body. They saw no signs of traditional vampirism. “How can we tell about your guy?” Lollipop asked Gato.

“Look around the wrist.” Azul Gato instructed. “If you see the mark you’ll know.”

Checking the wrist, the detectives found a wound. It was about as wide as one of the mummy’s bandages. “Well that answers that question.” Pecan stated.

“Chief, this isn’t related to the other incident.” Lollipop said.

“There are others?” Alyssandra asked, casting a quick glance at the attendant reporter.

“Not quite.” Lollipop answered. “This is the only person you’ll find with this wound.”

Azul Gato nodded to confirm her statement. “I see.” The chief said. “Very well, if you two are on the case with Azul Gato, then I’ll leave you to it, but please keep me posted.”

“Of course.” Lollipop said, as she walked with the others back towards the street.

Clear of the crime scene and the authorities, the detectives started getting more information from the Latino crime fighter. “So it’ll go back to the museum?” Pecan asked.

“Those were the three items unearthed with it. It’s only goal will be to collect them, then it may begin human sacrifices or it may proceed to join this conglomeration of terror that you spoke of earlier.” Azul Gato explained.

Aztec Mummy getting down to business.

“All right, so it would seem that we need to set up a watch for our bandaged boogeyman.” Lollipop stated.

“One other thing. It may have called servants to itself.” Azul Gato cautioned. “Beings of neither the spirit world nor ours, but things in between that only the priests of old can summon.”

“Can I just say that this keeps getting better and better.” Lollipop said.

Tossing an empty sucker stick into a nearby trash can, Lollipop retrieved a fresh one from her pocket and put it in her mouth.

As the sun sank, Azul Gato, Lollipop Jones, and Pecan Sandie were hiding behind different exhibits, all centered on the other artifacts found with the mummy. “So what’s the deal with this guy?” Pecan asked.

“I know right, he seems to have a lot in common with a vampire.” Lollipop agreed.

“I do not know, not all Aztec Mummies are the same. Some can change shape, other don’t. One of them even fought a robot, depends on what movie you watch” Azul Gato stated. “Most of them that I have faced are warriors, they look to reclaim their weapons and then go on a rampage. Sometimes they are a little more romantically inclined and kidnap women.”

See! Told you so.

“I don’t even know how that would work.” Lollipop stated, slightly disgusted.

“Neither do I.” Azul Gato admitted. “We’ve always rescued her once they get to their lair.”

“We?” Pecan asked.

“The luchadores!” Azul Gato exclaimed.

The detective duo only had one more question after that. “How do we stop it?” They asked in unison.

Lollipop Jones formed her delicate hands into fists, popping each of the knuckles in turn. “Not a problem.” She stated.

Pecan slid his battle axe from his back. The instrument of destruction was still folded in half, when the time came, the gargantuan brute would unfold his tool. “When he comes, if you will deal with the servants, I will handle the mummy.” Azul Gato stated.

Pecan nodded his agreement. “Whatever.” Lollipop replied.

The dainty danger did not care who took care of it as long as this one didn’t slip away like the others had. “Bill Murray once fought off an Aztec cult while filming Quick Change.” Pecan said.

His voice held that solemn quality that he only got when he was referencing Bill Murray. “You really think now’s a good time for a Bill Murray story?” She asked.

“It’s always the right time for Murray.” Pecan responded. His love of the iconic actor bordered on zealous obsession. “Apparently, they infiltrated the set and wanted to dispatch some actors to their god or something. Anyway, Bill Murray escaped and subdued the cultists with a combination of wit, charm, and small arms fire.”

“Why did no one put this in the news?” Azul Gato asked, enthralled by the story.

“There’s a woman who walks past selling flowers for the dead. She’s a little Latino woman, they put her in the film. In reality, she was mourning the loss of her son who was part of the cult. If they had told the press, then they couldn’t use the scene, so they kept it quiet.” Pecan explained. “Bill Murray did not mind though, he isn’t a glory hound.”

“He must truly be a great man.” Azul Gato stated. “He did that and made Ghostbusters.”

“Exactly.” Pecan Sandie agreed.

Lollipop Jones just groaned. From the front of the museum, glass shattered and shambling footsteps echoed off the tiled floor. Crouching down to keep concealed, the trio of crime fighters waited. The Aztec Mummy came shambling past, wiping something from its eyes. Following behind it were four figures, dressed in Aztec clothing, they looked human enough but were gray skinned. Stretching, the mummy yawned, a sound muffled by its mask, and walked towards the necessary case. Nodding to her partner, Lollipop glided behind the exhibits toward the gray beings.

Waiting until she was in position, Lollipop gave Azul Gato a thumbs up. The luchador leaped to the top of his hiding place and let out a cry. “Aztec Mummy you have traversed the laws of nature. I, Azul Gato, have come to see that you are returned to your slumber.” Finishing his speak, the wrestler rushed off his makeshift podium and clothes-lined the mummified menace.

Standing up, Pecan Sandie unfolded his axe with the flick of his wrist. The servants of the mummy were not sure who to engage. While they were caught in their indecision, Lollipop Jones crept up behind one of them and delivered a crippling blow directly to the spine, like a chiropractor that breaks backs rather than fixes them, so not really like a chiropractor, well maybe a bad chiropractor, . . . you know what we’ll go with like a chiropractor, we can discuss what type of chiropractor later. Turning at the shriek of their companion, the servants gave Pecan Sandie opportunity to rush them.

Two of the servants faced the rampaging behemoth. The other servant squared off against Lollipop Jones. As the crippled servant lay on the ground, it started to evaporate. It did not reform behind her or anywhere else nearby. “Hey Pecan!” Lollipop cried. “These guys don’t regenerate.”

A feral grin crossed Pecan’s lips as he buried the axe into one of the servant’s chests. The figure collapsed. His partner drew an obsidian blade from his belt and charged at the unarmed Pecan. Although, a man that can crush pecans with his bare hands is not exactly helpless. Grabbing the man’s wrist, keeping the knife from cutting him, Pecan swung the man over his head and onto the floor. Not letting go, Pecan repeated the action several times. When he let go, the figure was already returning to the realm it had been summoned from.

His battle axe was now lying on the floor. Grabbing the weapon, Pecan folded it back up and slid it onto its place across his back. He watched as Lollipop Jones dodged several swipes of an obsidian blade, wielded by her opponent. Ducking under a vicious slash, she delivered an Uber-Death Punch, the greatest technique of the Fighting Sisters of the Closed Fist, to the servant’s stomach. As all of its bones were atomized and the boneless mass collapsed to the floor, Pecan turned to see how the Azul Gato was faring.

Lifting the Aztec Mummy into the air, Azul Gato dropped it back, executing a perfect suplex. Pecan thought that the mummy might be protesting but the mask kept its voice muffled. Jumping onto an exhibit case, the wrestler launched himself into the air and dropped an elbow onto the mummy’s sternum. The downed monster curled into a ball once the luchador moved. “It is time to end you.” Azul Gato proclaimed.

Grabbing the Aztec Mummy by the legs, the luchador dragged the fighting figure across the floor towards a large stone slab. The detectives assumed it was his intention to drop the stone onto the mummy and break its bones. “Freeze! I-N-S.” A voice shouted from behind them.

Raising their hands, Pecan Sandie and Lollipop Jones stood, as several men in navy blue nylon windbreakers with the letters written in yellow along the back, converged on them. “We must destroy . . .” Azul Gato started as he was tazed.

In the clutches of the electric barbs, the luchador lost his grip on the mummy. Rushing away, the creature broke open the case and grabbed the artifacts. As the windbreakered interlopers shouted orders at the mummy, it turned into a bat and disappeared into the dark recesses of the museum. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Lollipop Jones exclaimed.

Outside the museum, a bat emerged from the broken doors and fluttered into the night. R. N. Field stood in the shadows, her phone in her hand. “Yes, master. The mummy has escaped. Azul Gato has been apprehended as you requested.” The reporter’s voice was heavy, as if she were talking in her sleep.

Hanging up the phone, she looked around wondering why she was at the museum. Confused and worried about the sleepwalking she had been doing lately, the reporter went back to her car.

After confirming that Lollipop Jones and Pecan Sandie were citizens, the detecting duo were released. Azul Gato in his hurry to confront the mummy had failed to follow proper protocol at the border and had been deported. “I will return.” He told them from the back of the authority’s car. “It’ll take me about a week or so, but I will be back.”

As the car drove off with the luchador, Pecan Sandie and Lollipop Jones stood in front of the museum. “I don’t like this.” Lollipop said to Pecan.

“Me either.” He agreed.

“I think we can find them, but I’m not sure what to do if we do. It’s not like we’ve had the best of luck stopping these guys.” She stated.

“I’m going to find it and I’m going to destroy it. I don’t know how yet, maybe dynamite.” Pecan stated.

Lollipop knew it was a quote from Bill Murray’s film, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, but it seemed oddly appropriate. “Come on, we’ve got work to do if we’re going to stop this gathering of theirs.” Lollipop said.

The duo walked away, knowing that if they didn’t stop the gathering something terrible would befall the city.

Hello all, as you can tell I’m doing a horror themed month with your favorite detective duo. So as a follow up to their adventure with Dracula and their run in with the Wolfman, I give you:

Lollipop Jones & Pecan Sandie vs Frankenstein

Pecan Sandie was pacing the small space between his and Lollipop Jones’ desk. She was on the phone with Heidi Stubbe. A recent client whose husband, Peter, was a werewolf. The two detectives had allowed the local dog catcher to take away the tranquilized wolfman, expecting Heidi to be able to retrieve her husband from the pound in the morning. Unfortunately, as they found out the following morning, Peter had been stolen. Only a few moments ago did Wilbur Talbot, the city dogcatcher, remember the name of the man that had stolen the lycanthropic hound: Dracula. The vampire lord had narrowly escaped the detectives only the week before the werewolf debacle.

Jones hung up the phone. “I don’t like this.” She announced to her partner. “Why would Dracula release him?”

Pecan stopped pacing for a moment. “Remember the gathering he talked about?” The broad shouldered behemoth asked. “What if it wasn’t vampires but monsters in general?”

“Lovely.” Jones said, removing the white stick of an expended sucker from her mouth.

As Pecan took another step, he heard the crinkle of cellophane as a new sugary orb took its place in her mouth. “He’s not a wolf right now.” Pecan stated. “So why is he important?”

“I don’t know, but we need to find out what old pale-face long-tooth is up to.” Lollipop stated.

She stood up and walked around her desk. “Lunch?” She asked.

Pecan nodded and followed his partner out the door. The giant man, dwarfed his friend but Lollipop’s size was not a comment on her capabilities. The graceful woman had been trained in combat by the greatest fighting force in history, a sect of warrior nuns known as the Fighting Sisters of the Closed Fist. She pulled her coat up tight around her as the brisk fall wind blew down the city streets. “Where would monsters hold a gathering?” Pecan asked in his rumbling voice.

“A cemetery.” Jones offered. “But they won’t be staying there until the shindig starts.”

“Some place to avoid the sun, where a wolfman won’t get bored.” Pecan mused.

Taking a seat at the corner diner, the detectives watched out the windows as people walked about. Most of them were heading to lunch from their offices in the large high rise buildings, a few of them were heading home with bags of groceries, candy packaging jutting from the top. “At least, they picked the right month for it.” Lollipop Jones mused, referring to the upcoming Halloween festivities.

“Where are they going?” Pecan Sandie asked, staring at a couple of teenagers.

Glancing at the clock, Lollipop saw that those kids should still be in school. “Must have ditched for the day.” She stated. “Probably going to Ted’s Video Game Arcade Emporium.”

Both detectives’ eyes widened. “The Arcade!” They concluded in unison.

Hurrying out into the street, the duo followed after the teenagers. Running to get on the transit bus to the outskirts of town.

Ted’s Video Game Arcade Emporium was a large castle like structure that stood in a small basin near the large hydroelectric dam that provided so much power for the city’s neighboring towns. The castle façade would provide a familiar setting for Dracula and lots of places to hide, whereas Peter Stubbe could either be held hostage within the myriad rooms or entertaining himself with the video games. Lollipop and Pecan were both kicking themselves for not having thought of it sooner. As the bus slowed to a stop at the bus bench in the middle of nowhere, the teens stood up to exit.

As they hopped down the steps to the grassy curb, Lollipop and Pecan followed behind at a distance. The youths did not pay any attention to the detectives tailing them on the gravel path. Looming ahead, the battlements of the castle were bright and cheery in the beaming sunlight of day. Approaching, the teens stopped and the unmistakable sound of complaining teenagers rose into the air. Using various phrases hip with the youth of today, the teens displayed their displeasure of the information contained on the hand painted sign. It read simply: closed until further notice.

Griping loudly, the adolescents walked back towards the bus stop. Lollipop and Pecan stood to the side as they passed. “I wouldn’t even bother.” One of them offered. “Place is closed.”

“Are you kidding me?” Another of them questioned the first. “Old people like that don’t play video games.”

“Old?” Lollipop stated angrily.

She started to go after the boys, when Pecan wrapped his large hand around her arm. “Not now.” He rumbled. “Later, if Dracula’s inside this is the time to strike.”

Ignoring the sign and chain drawn across the path to the gate, the detectives continued on until they stood before the large wooden doors. Lollipop knocked on the doors. Discarding a used sucker stick in the trash can, she grabbed another of the sweet confections from the pocket of her jacket. Inside, they heard sounds of movement. With a creak, one of the doors opened a crack. A short man stuck his head around the door. “Sorry, we’re closed.” He stated in a high pitched tone.

Before he could shut the door, Pecan wedged his foot into the gap. “We have a few questions for you?” Lollipop Jones explained.

Looking at the giant foot and the equally large body it was connected to, the man decided to answer a few questions. “Go on.” He invited.

“Is there anyone here by the name of Peter Stubbe?” Lollipop asked.

“No. Never heard of him.” The man answered, his eyes darting between the two detectives.

“Dracula?” Pecan growled at the man.

“Nope, not ringing any bells.” The man replied, growing more agitated and nervous. “I have to go.”

“People say I’m difficult and sometimes that’s a badge of honor.” Pecan replied. He glanced at Lollipop and saw her curious stare. “Bill Murray said it.”

Yes you do Mr. Murray.

“Do you have a book ‘The Tao of Murray’ or something?” She asked.

“I wish.” Pecan replied.

Raising his foot, Pecan Sandie slammed the heel of his boot into the wooden door. It splintered, but did not break. Confused, Pecan looked at Lollipop, who stood with the same look on her face. No door had ever stood up to Pecan Sandie before. “Hit it again.” Jones suggested.

Growling, the mountainous man reared back and slammed his foot back into the door, again and again. After the fifth kick, the door swung inward. Its finish had been reduced to a splintered ruin, but the iron bar that had been holding it in place was warped and unusable. Pecan stepped into the arcade, his hand moving to grab the battle axe strapped onto his back. Lollipop stepped in and noticed that the foyer lights were out, the glow around the doors in front of them showed multicolored lights from the next room. Carefully pulling on the handle, the door opened and before them was the arcade floor. A set of stone steps lead down to the pit where the games were kept. They were all on with vibrant flashing colors and loud sounds filling the large room.

In the center of the room, the games had been pushed aside and large equipment set up. A table with a cloth draped over it was set directly in the middle of the brightly lit area. “More power!” A high pitched voice shouted.

Walking down the steps, the duo started making their way towards the strange scene. Once they were able to get a clear line of sight, they could see that something was on the table, concealed under the cloth. Stepping into the cleared space, Pecan and Lollipop saw a woman with untamed white hair, in a lab coat, fiddling with dials on the panel before her. The little man that they had spoken to earlier was nearby, throwing sparking switches on a separate panel. He had a hump back and was moving with a pronounced limp.

Not sure what to make of the scene, Lollipop cleared her throat, loudly. The woman turned to them, her white hair stood up, framing her face. Pecan noticed that she was wearing a pair of welder’s goggles. “Who are you? What do you want?” The woman demanded.

“We’re looking for someone.” Lollipop explained.

“Frankenstein.” Pecan stated.

“Yes?” The woman responded.

Lollipop gave a questioning look to her over-muscled companion, then sparing a quick glance around, she put the same pieces together. “Sorry, my partner thinks you are Doctor Frankenstein and that you have a body cobbled together from different pieces, under that cloth.” Jones noted that the woman did not deny the statement. “Are you trying to wake up your homemade man?”

“Here?” Frankenstein asked. “No, he is not here. As for my creation, he will wake and join his rightful place among his brethren. All will be settled once the gathering has begun.”

The detectives exchanged a knowing look, this was the second time they had heard of the gathering and the wolfman’s wife had mentioned that he had an important meeting. “You’re coming with us.” Lollipop stated.

“Shut it down.” Pecan demanded.

“Too late!” Johnny shouted, pointing.

The shape under the sheet was moving. “It’s alive, it’s alive!” Frankenstein shouted, laughing maniacally because she wanted to be as cliché as possible.

Flipping out the battle axe, Pecan smashed the nearest panels, sending spark scattering about as the machines began to increase their output. “What have you done?” Frankenstein demanded.

“Stopped you.” Pecan replied.

“Really?” Frankenstein asked, incredulously. “Is that how you solve problems, by smashing other people’s things? Besides, all you’ve done is endangered the nearby area.”

“What did he do?” Lollipop asked.

“We were using power from the hydroelectric facility within the dam, but since smash-happy-boy decided to break the controls. we can’t shut it down. The generators will overload and blow up the dam.” The demented doctor explained.

“Oops.” Pecan said.

The creature sat up and the sheet fell away. Sitting on the table was a patchwork man, who resembled the Frankenstein’s monster of old (but for reasons of copyright did not look like Boris Karloff’s creature portrayal). A flatish head with stitches keeping the skin closed over a misshapen skull, with an outlet plug running into his neck. Reaching up, the creature used a misshapen hand to pull the three pronged extension cord form its throat.

He looked like this, only without the pumpkin.

“Johnny get these intruders out of here.” Frankenstein ordered.

“Coming.” Johnny answered. “All right folks, shows over. We need to let mommy and baby have some time alone.”

The assistant tried to shoo the detectives away. Pecan wrapped his hand on Johnny’s head, lifted the small man up, and set him back down out of the way. “Okay, we’re doing this the hard way.” The diminutive man stated.

He drew back to punch Pecan in the back of the knee. As his fist started forward, Lollipop grabbed his hand and spun him around to face her. “Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?” She stated, slapping Johnny in the face.

He placed a hand on his face, tears glimmering in his eyes. Pecan did not see this as he walked towards the patchwork man. “It’s okay.” Frankenstein was cooing to its creation. “Everything is going to be fine.”

The creature let out an unintelligible sputter of shouts and gibberish. Pecan Sandie grunted in response. Turning its head on unfamiliar neck muscles, the creature saw the large man approaching and growled. “You leave him alone.” Frankenstein demanded.

“Fine, can you calm him down?” Pecan requested, as he stopped approaching.

“Of course.” The doctor offered, taking a small silver rectangle from her pocket. “I’ll just hypnotize him.”

She opened the lid of a metal lighter. The creature’s eyes widened as he watched her strike the flint and a small jut of flame blazed from the top. “Now just watch. . .” Frankenstein started.

The creature interrupted her with a frenzied shout and swatted the flame from her hand. Pecan face palmed. “Idiot!” He stated.

Swinging wildly, the creature knocked the doctor aside, bouncing her off a nearby game of Frogger. Standing up, the man-made monster started walking towards Pecan, still shouting. Closing up his battle axe, Pecan strapped it across his back and popped his knuckles.

“This is bad.” Johnny stated. “I’ve got to get to the backup plan.”

Turning, the small man fled away, crawling up the machines and leaping onto one of the overhanging lights. “Really?” Lollipop asked, wondering why he had announced a backup plan outloud.

Running along the floor, she followed as the lab assistant swung along the lights, Tarzan style. Climbing the stairs, she waited as the assistant dropped to the ground.

Pictured: Tarzan style.

Upon seeing the trench coat wearing figure, he scooped up a wrench from nearby and swung it at Lollipop. She ducked under the swing and quickly disarmed the man. “If you don’t stop, I’m going to have to get mean.” She warned.

Grabbing up a mallet nearby, he attacked once again. Who keeps leaving these tools lying around? Lollipop wondered, as she again evaded the attack.

Pecan Sandie grappled with the oddly shaped humanoid. It was almost as broad as Pecan and nearly as tall. What had surprised the detective was that the creature was just as strong. So the two stood in the middle of the floor, gripping hands and trying to force the other back. Gritting his teeth, Pecan timed his move just right. The big man stopped resisting and as the creature stumbled forward, Pecan swung to the side and performed a hip throw, that sent the patchwork man sprawling on the ground. Howling, the creature pushed up and rushed towards Pecan. This time he wrapped his arms around Pecan and tackled him.

Holding on, Pecan was able to flip the creature over and off of him. This did nothing to dissuade the stitch covered man from attacking again. As Pecan went down again, the creature anticipated the toss and avoided the move. It wrapped its hands around Pecan’s throat and squeezed. The muscular behemoth of a detective, flexed his neck muscles and prevented his attacked from choking off his air flow.

Lollipop was getting aggravated with Johnny. After the hammer, he had found several other tools to attack her with. Realizing that Johnny was just too much trouble to keep toying with, Lollipop prepared to deliver the crippling chop to the back, which would incapacitate the assistant. Dropping under another attack, she hopped up and landed the chop, right on top of Johnny’s hump. His back righted itself instantly, and he was taller and his limp was gone. Staring in amazement, Johnny turned around to Lollipop. “What happened?” He asked. Looking in a mirror, Johnny marveled at his reflection. “I’m gorgeous!”

Lollipop did have to admit, with his spine straightened out his face had righted itself. Taller and with a well chiseled face, Johnny dropped the weapon in his hand. “I don’t need this job. I’m going to be a model.” He announced. “Hey Doc, I quit.”

Johnny started to walk out and turned back to Lollipop, she expected an attempt to strike her. Instead, he grabbed her hand, dipped her and planted a kiss on her. “Thank you.” Johnny said, righting the detective.

Henrietta was coming around, she started to set up. “Stop!” She shouted.

Both the creature and Pecan stopped their attempts to destroy each other and stared at the dazed scientist. “The dam, we must flee. Soon it will explode.”

Rolling off of Pecan, the patchwork man picked up its creator, cradling the woman in its arms. Lollipop heard the first of the explosions. It was a muffled sound, but she knew it would grow louder. “Too late!” She shouted. “Get to higher ground.”

Rushing towards the stairs that climbed into the battlement, Lollipop trusted that her partner was right behind her, as he always had been. As she heard the dam collapse and the waters rush forward, Lollipop came out on the walkway at the top of the battlements. The waters hit the castle and the bricks and mortar gave way. As the battlement shifted, but did not fall, Lollipop was forced to grab onto the stone walls for support. When the initial shifting ceased, Lollipop stated to her partner. “Wild ride, right Pecan?” She asked.

Looking about, she could not see his giant form on the walkway. Stepping back into the tower, she walked down until she could see the rising water. Running back to the walkway, Lollipop looked over the fencing at the frothing waters below. “Pecan Sandie!” She shouted.

“What?” Her partner asked.

Leaning over, Lollipop saw Pecan gripping onto the tower as he slowly climbed his way up. After several minutes, he was at a place where he could climb onto the walkway with Lollipop. “What happened?” She asked.

Exhaling hard, Pecan caught his breath before answering. “Was at the bottom of the steps when the waters broke in. So I just held onto the wall until I could climb up.” He stated.

“And the creature?” She asked.

Pecan shrugged. “It was behind me.” He stated.

From the top of a nearby hill, a blue masked man watched Pecan through a pair of binoculars. He made note of what he had seen and prepared, for his time would be soon at hand.

As the flood water pushed out, it eventually met up with a river that ran on the outskirts of the city, dumping most of its rampage into the water and causing a slight sewage overflow in some places. Peter Stubbe, a werewolf, stood watching as two figures washed up on the side of the river. He did not know the two beings that arrived, but he was aware of what they represented. Frankenstein was coughing up the water that she had swallowed as the creature stood up and shook itself off. Both of the drenched figures stared at Stubbe. “I take it that you are currently in need of residence.” He stated.

The patchwork man lumbered behind as Peter Stubbe and Dr. Henrietta Frankenstein climbed into the cab of a truck. Stubbe tossed a jacket to the creature. “Put that on and climb in the back.” He instructed.

The man-made ma looked to Henrietta, she nodded, and he obeyed. “Aren’t you curious as to what happened?” Frankenstein asked the wolfman.

“Let me guess, a small woman and large man showed up.” Stubbe stated.

“Indeed.” Henrietta confirmed.

“Yes, they’ve been quite the nuisance, but they will not stop the gathering.” Stubbe replied.

“I know.” Pecan rumbled in his gravelly voice. “But no victims and no new missing persons reports.”

“I don’t like Dracula running around in our town. And he talked about a gathering.” Jones said. “When? And a gathering of what?”

Pecan shrugged. “Doesn’t look like we have an influx of bloodsuckers.”

“No it doesn’t.” Lollipop agreed.

The office door opened. Stepping away from the map, the detectives looked at the hopeful client. Standing in front of them was a slender woman in a blue dress with a fur wrap over her shoulders. Her delicate hands tightly clutched a small purse in front of her. “Are you the detectives?” She asked, looking at the duo.

It wasn’t the first time anyone had inquired. Lollipop Jones was a lithe figure wearing a trench coat and hat, a white sucker stick perpetually jutting from her mouth. Pecan Sandie was a hulking mountain of muscle. Sharing a knowing glance, the detectives nodded to the woman. “Please have a seat.” Lollipop said, sitting down behind her desk.

Pecan leaned against the wall, as the woman sat down in the offered chair. “I need help.” The woman started.

“Okay.” Lollipop started. “What’s your name?”

“Heidi.” The woman stated. “Heidi Stubbe, I’ve only been here for four months and I have a problem.”

“I can’t find him.” Heidi said, breaking down into tears. “We went out for a walk last night and it was almost dark. Peter sent me on to the house, said he’d be along shortly.”

“He never came home.” Pecan stated.

Heidi nodded. “I went back over the trail we walked and this was all I could find.”

Heidi dropped a shredded, stained rag on the desk. Lollipop poked at it with a pen. “A rag?” Pecan asked, confused.

“No.” Heidi said breaking out into a sobbing fit. “It’s Peter’s shirt.”

Staring at the stains, the detectives made out the faint hint of crimson underneath the mud. The shirt had been bloodied. “This is really a matter for the police.” Lollipop stated.

“I tried that, they said they can’t help me.” The woman responded, crying harder.

Lollipop looked over at Pecan. The big man just shrugged his shoulders. “Okay.” Lollipop started, turning back to their new client. “We’ll see what we can do.”

“Really?” Heidi asked, her voice filled with hope, sunshine, and rainbows (you know all that bright sunny day stuff).

Pecan and Lollipop nodded. “Thank you.” Heidi exclaimed. The woman dropped a small bag with tufts of fur and a white chunk of plaster onto the desk. “I almost forgot, I found these with the shirt.” She explained.

“Thanks.” Pecan said, lifting the bag from the table to examine the contents.

“We’ll be in touch as soon as we know something Mrs. Stubbe.” Lollipop stated, standing up, and showing Heidi out of the office.

Shutting the door behind the woman and turning around, Jones saw Pecan Sandie removed some of the tufts from the bag and sniff it. He stopped and contemplated it for a moment and then licked the fur. “You are worse than a kid. You don’t have to put everything in your mouth.” She scalded her partner.

“Werewolf.” Pecan said in response.

“What?” Lollipop asked.

“This fur is from a werewolf.” Pecan explained.

I don’t know what’s going on, but this picture is awesome. It has a werewolf and some sort of rabbit samurai. And those chickens in the back are freaked out!

“How can you tell?” Jones asked. She had undergone a lot of training when she was raised by the Fighting Sisters of the Closed Fist, a sect of warrior nuns, but nothing that would allow her to discern werewolf fur from taste.

“It’s wolf fur with a hint of shampoo.” Sandie explained.

“Okay.” Lollipop said, skeptically.

Taking the plaster hunk, she flipped it over. Embedded in the substance was a cast of a footprint. It was clearly a combination of a man’s footprint mixed that of a wolf. “Plus, last night was the first full moon.” Pecan stated.

“So we’re supposed to call Heidi and tell her that her husband was eaten by a werewolf?” Lollipop asked. “I don’t think that’s going to go over too well.”

“Maybe her husband is the werewolf.” Pecan offered.

Jones stood and stared at her partner. “Do you think the police will have a werewolf file?” She asked. “I mean if they’ve been her for four months and he’s a werewolf, wouldn’t someone have seen it by now.”

A smile broke on Pecan’s chiseled face. Lollipop rolled her eyes and headed out the door.

The animal control office also served as the pound for the area. They were greeted by the city dog catcher Milton Talbot, who was sitting behind a small desk. “You youngsters looking to take home a puppy?” He asked, squinting through the incredibly thick lenses at the duo.

“No.” Lollipop stated, it was common knowledge that Milton was practically blind.

Taking a folder that was at least an inch thick from the drawer, he sat it on the desk. “Every strange and unidentifiable animal report we’ve gotten recently.”

“May we?” Lollipop asked, reaching for the file.

“Help yourself, just put it back on my desk when you’re done.” Milton stated. “I’ve got to go make the rounds.”

The civil servant started whistling an oddly familiar tune as he left. The detectives watched the man climb into the truck with cages built into the back. With Milton pulling away, they started to leaf through the reports. A lot of citizens had been reporting a weird upright “dog thing.” Checking the dates on the earliest reports, Pecan looked at his partner. “They started four months ago.” He confirmed.

“On the full moon?” Lollipop asked.

Pecan shrugged and grabbed the calendar from off the wall. Fortunately for them, it showed the moon’s phases on the different nights of the month. After a quick moment, Pecan confirmed that the dates coincided with the full moon. “Great, first Dracula, and now a werewolf.” Lollipop lamented.

“I have a book for this.” Pecan stated.

Back at their office, Lollipop was calling around, searching for any news on a strangely disheveled man. Pecan was hunkered behind a large old book. Lollipop hung up the phone. “Nothing.” She said. “No one matching Peter’s description has shown up anywhere.”

“It says here that werewolves are adept at blending in and hiding their existence. The only way to stop one is with a silver bullet.” Pecan explained.

“Again with your books. You know everyone knows how to kill a werewolf.” Jones said. “Besides, neither of us have a gun.”

“My axe blade is a fifth silver.” Pecan added.

“Well that’s a start.” Lollipop conceded. “So where should we start looking?”

“Dog parks.” Pecan stated.

Lollipop glared at the behemoth behind his book. “Fine.” She stated, feeling foolish for thinking it might work.

The city had several prominent dog parks. Arriving at the first park, Pecan and Lollipop walked along the fence, looking for a clue. “What are we looking for?” Lollipop asked.

Pecan shrugged. “Something that doesn’t belong.”

Choosing not to respond to the obvious statement, Lollipop continued moving along the perimeter. “Wait.” Pecan said.

Turning, Lollipop saw the big man kneel down next to a bush. “He was here.” Sandie informed his partner.

“What did you find?” Lollipop asked.

“Half eaten box of dog biscuits.” Pecan said.

“We are at a dog park, of course someone brought dog biscuits.” Lollipop said, trying to explain to her friend why this may not be a clue.

“But dogs don’t normally eat them like this.” Pecan responded. Lifting up the box, Jones could see that the top of it had been bitten off and most of the contents eaten.

“Might be a clue after all.” Lollipop said. “So what now?”

“We set a trap.” Pecan stated, standing up.

Standing outside of the small suburban home, Lollipop and Pecan waited. “Are you sure about this?” Lollipop asked, her finger hovering above the doorbell.

“Positive.” Pecan confirmed.

Ringing the doorbell, the duo waited as they heard sounds of movement inside the house. Heidi opened the door. Her blue dress had been traded in for a pink jumpsuit. “Did you find Peter?” She asked.

“Not yet.” Pecan informed the woman.

“Do you and your husband spend a lot of time together around the middle of the month?” Lollipop asked.

“No, he normally has to take a business trip for about a week.” Heidi explained, clearly confused.

“But not this month?” Jones asked.

“No, he said his meeting was going to be in town. It’s supposed to be a big to do that he can’t miss, meeting some kind of foreign big wig.” Heidi explained. “You don’t think that has anything to do with this do you?”

“Do you know your husband is a werewolf?” Pecan asked, bluntly.

The man had a direct approach that seemed to work for him. Heidi looked at the large man with a strange look. “Is he serious?” She asked Lollipop.

“Yes, he is.” Jones confirmed.

“No.” Heidi stated. “I mean I knew he had some weird quirks, but so do I. I mean that’s marriage right, you just love the other person no matter what.”

“Yeah but three to four nights out of the month, he’s not a person.” Lollipop stated.

“Honey, I know women who say the same thing about their husbands.” Heidi whispered to the female detective. “So you think werewolf thing is why he hasn’t come home yet?”

“Maybe.” Pecan stated.

“It explains his love of dog treats.” Heidi stated. She noticed the two detectives just staring at her. “What? I said he had some quirks.”

She returned a moment later, carrying two boxes of the treats. “Same brand as in the park.” Lollipop confirmed.

“We need to keep these.” Pecan stated.

“Why?” Heidi asked.

“We’re setting a trap for Peter.” Lollipop explained.

“Okay. You do me a favor when you see him, tell him that I don’t care if he’s a weredog or whatever, just as long as he’s house broken.” Heidi said, smiling.

Lollipop gave a strained smile to the woman. Pecan just walked off carrying the dog treats. Following her partner, off the manicured lawn, Lollipop and Pecan went over their plan again. “So he’s in the woods.” Lollipop stated.

“Yep.” Pecan said. “Been there once he turned human again.”

“All right. We’ve only got a few hours before moonrise.” Lollipop stated. “How’d you know he’d been at the dog park?”

“He’s part dog.” Pecan explained. “Went where he could smell others, probably wanted to sniff some butts or something. Wish we had a Frisbee.”

Lollipop gave her partner a sideways glance. “I get it, but I think we have a tennis ball.” Lollipop stated. “It’ll have to do.”

Pecan nodded, as the detectives headed towards the forested nature trail where Peter Stubbe’s shirt had been found.

Standing in the darkened woods with the moon about to rise, Lollipop stared around the pathway again. Piled in the center of the trail were the contents of two boxes of dog biscuits. “Are we sure this will work?” She asked Pecan.

“Positive.” He confirmed. “Bill Murray used the same technique to catch the groundhog from Groundhog’s Day. Later he taught it how to drive.”

Unfortunately, it had terrible road rage.

Lollipop Jones stared at the mountain of muscle beside her. She knew her partner’s obsession with the iconic actor was incredibly fervent, so she decided not to question his knowledge. “How long do you think it’ll take for the big hairy menace to arrive?” Lollipop asked.

As the moon rose into the sky, a strangely human sounding howl erupted in the forest. “Not long.” Pecan answered.

The duo listened as twigs snapped and brushes rustled headed in a line for their position. Bursting from the trees, a wolfman stepped into the trail. He snarled at the detectives but turned towards the pile of treats nearby. Glancing back at the detectives, the mythical beast knelt at the food and started to shovel large handfuls of the treats into it mouth. The razor sharp teeth made quick work of the baked goodies. “He’s almost done.” Pecan commented, reaching back to his partner.

Lollipop handed the green fuzzy ball to Pecan. The treats were gone, all that remained was a torn up patch of dead leaves and soil on the trail. Growling, the werewolf turned towards its next target. Pecan held the ball out in front of him. “Who wants the ball?” He asked in an exaggerated tone. “Who wants this ball? Do you want this ball?”

The wolfman’s ears popped up and his tongue lolled out the side of his mouth. An excited whine escaped from its throat. “Go get it.” The hulking detective said, tossing the ball down the trail.

Racing off on all fours, the beast grabbed the ball in its jaws and turned to rush back. It was halfway back to the mismatched detectives, when it stopped. Shaking its head, it started to growl. “What’s wrong?” Lollipop asked.

Pecan shrugged. “I think it thinks we’re mocking it.”

Biting down, the tennis ball exploded in the werewolf’s mouth. “Plan B.” Pecan rumbled as he grabbed his axe from his back. “Remember, keep back, my book said that one bite and you’ll become a werewolf too.”

Jones’ throws were as accurate as a Roger Federer serve, if Roger Federer played in some weird tennis association with monsters. The first ball slammed into the wolfman’s snout and the other popped off of his throat. Wrapping its hands around its snout, the werewolf yipped and tried to shake off the ball attack. Flicking the battle axe to its full length, Pecan prepared to face the monster. Lollipop stood behind her partner, waiting. “I don’t know why I can’t take this one.” She stated annoyed.

Is Roger Federer supposed to be scary? If not please explains this picture.

Shaking off the annoyance in its nose, the furry creature stood up and howled. Bearing its fangs, the creature rushed the awaiting axe wielding man. Pecan bellowed a war cry and prepared to take a swing. The wolfman stumbled mid rush and turned around. A red tipped dart was lodged firmly in the creature’s rear. “That’ll keep the fellow from being so agitated.” Milton Talbot said, stepping from the woods, a rifle in his hands.

The werewolf was more docile. Picking the long animal control pole up, the dogcatcher slipped the cable over the mythic beasts neck and tightened it to keep the creature out of striking distance. Bearing its teeth, the werewolf snapped at the man. “Oh, he’s a bitey one.” Milton observed. “Well, we’ll get him in the truck and he’ll be taking a nap in a few minutes.”

Lollipop and Pecan followed the dog catcher out of the trail to where the large white animal control vehicle was waiting. The other occupants were yipping and baying from their enclosures. Before the duo could act, Milton opened a large cage in the back, and used the pole to guide the werewolf into the container. Once inside the other animals in the surrounding cages immediately silenced themselves. “You kids have a nice night.” Milton said climbing into the truck and driving off.

“What do we tell Mrs. Stubbes?” Pecan asked.

“We tell her to go get her husband at the pound in the morning.” Lollipop responded. “Come on, we’ve got a vampire count to catch.”

Milton parked the truck in the animal control’s lot. He started unloading the smaller cages and taking their occupants to the pens in the rear of the facility. As he came out to get the big one, he saw a pale man in a fancy suit, kneeling down, talking to the animal. “I’d be careful fella.” Milton cautioned.

“He will not harm me.” The man said.

His voice was accented, but Milton could not tell from where exactly. “Oh, is he yours?”

“In a manner of speaking.” The man answered. “Will you release him?”

“Sure, but first we need you to come fill out some paperwork and there’ll be a small fine.” Milton explained. “Nothing too bad, but you know. Big dog like that, you’ve got to keep him on a leash.”

The man stared hard into Milton’s eyes. “You do not need me to complete any paperwork.” He stated. “You will not make mention of my friend here.”

“Sorry sir, but rules is rules.” Milton responded.

“Can you not see me?” The man asked. “This is happening more and more to me.”

“Sorry mister, I can make out general shapes, but I can’t make out a lot of details.” Milton explained.

“Fine, I’ll fill out the form.” The man stated exasperated.

“What’s your name?” Milton asked.

“Dracula.” His guest stated.

“Huh.” Milton said, turning around.

Dracula hit Milton on the back of the head, sending the dog catcher falling to the ground, out cold. “Civil servants, bah! Give me a hundred Van Helsings instead.” The vampire lamented.

Unlocking the cage, Dracula helped the wolfman from his confines. “You’ve really got to be careful Peter. This close to our gathering, you cannot be caught.” Dracula chided his fellow monster.

From the surrounding trees, a man in a blue mask watched, silently observing these creatures of the night. A red cape fluttering from his shoulders.