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Wayne & Tamara | Direct Answers

Horsing around

My husband and I run a boarding stable. I am responsible for running the livery side of our business while my husband has another job.

For almost a year my middle-aged husband has been infatuated with one of the women who keeps her horse here. She is very attractive and young enough to be his daughter. He panders to her every request, and she uses his support to get her own way.

For example, all our clients want their horses turned out to pasture the same time every morning. All, that is, except this woman. My husband has supported her against me and all our other clients.

This woman is married and some time ago had an affair with our son. She dumped him, left him brokenhearted and stayed with her husband. In October she asked her husband to leave so she is now living on her own. My husband and her have been texting each other and I have seen the evidence on his phone.

Yesterday, when I looked for his phone texts from this woman, they had been removed. I confronted him and asked what the last text was about. My husband admitted when he went to get Chinese food for our family, he also bought an order for her and took it to her house.

I became angry and upset. He said he was lonely, she is a friend and he likes to talk to her.

After the argument I phoned her and told her all communication regarding her horse was to be made with me. I made it clear she was to leave my family alone. She replied she found this all very embarrassing and that my husband was only trying to be helpful in her breakup with her husband.

Now my husband isn't talking to me. What do you suggest?

Trudy

Trudy, when you sit in a buckboard behind two runaway horses, you have three problems. One involves you, and one involves each of them.

You are boarding the horse of a woman who was intimate with your son and now toys with your husband. You can't have it both ways. You can't take her money and exclude the havoc she causes in your life. Money in her case hasn't brought you prosperity. It's brought you misery.

The runaways are another matter. The young filly and the aging stallion are an unmatched pair. Most likely the filly is simply a woman who uses her sexuality to get what she wants. If there is nothing to be gotten from your husband, most likely she is just toying with him, though upsetting you may give her additional satisfaction.

On your husband's side this is probably a fantasy. His anger is a way to hold you off from what is in his mind. To do that he strives to make you the double bad guy. He wants you to believe because he is lonely he needs to talk to another woman, yet because of you he can't talk to her as a friend.

That's not fair to you.

Find out if he is willing to disconnect from her. Sit down with him and ask, why aren't you talking to me? What does it mean when you say you are lonely? Do you need guy friends? Do you feel a lack of connection to me? Are you trying to get a leg over her?

You can't feel good until you try to stop what is going on.

Her horse doesn't belong on your property. Removing it won't cause you to lose other clients because her wishes override theirs. Without her, you can go back to what the majority want and they will appreciate you for that.

This woman is reveling in her animal nature. Don't wait to see if this works out in your favor. A runaway team can dash your life against the rocks.