December 16, 2003

Red Dawn of a Brighter Age

THE DECADE IN REVIEW: Swayze Inspired Troops, Saved America

12/31/09—WASHINGTON, D.C. Senior Defense Department officials agree that the turning point in the War on Terror came in December of 2003, with the capture of Saddam Hussein in “Operation Red Dawn.” The arrest and trial of the former dictator helped sap the morale of Iraqi guerillas. But as important as Hussein’s arrest was in Iraq’s transition to democracy, the real key was the name, which came from a 1984 Patrick Swayze film about young Americans fighting a guerilla war against Soviet invaders.

“It was sort of a joke at first,” said Undersecretary of Operational Nomenclature Stephen O’Connell. “We saw one of the posters in the elevator for the monthly viewing of “Red Dawn” in Secretary Rumsfeld’s rumpus room, and thought, hey, it’s as good a name as any.”

“A month later, when we were tipped off on the sighting of Mullah Omar in Kandahar, we joked that the name might have been a good luck charm, so we decided to call that one ‘Operation Steel Dawn.’ And after that mission’s success, it just sort of took on a life of its own,” O’Connell said.

Al Qaeda leader Abu Yasir was captured in "Operation Road House" in November of 2004. The intelligence gained from his interrogation led troops to bin Laden lieutenant Abu Muzaham in "Operation Point Break" in January 2005. Muzaham, in turn, gave the military the information it needed for "Operation Dirty Dancing", which led to Osama bin Laden’s arrest in the mountains of Aghanistan that March.

Bin Laden’s capture accompanied a profound change in the Bush administration’s political fortunes. When news of the mission’s success hit the airwaves, Vice President Cheney was on Capitol Hill, answering questions under subpoena about his role in the ’04 Halliburton Scandal. Congressional Democrats had even called for Cheney’s resignation. But those calls quickly ended when President Bush marched into the Senate, and, with a cry of “Nobody puts Baby in a corner!”, carried Cheney on his soldiers to a triumphant joint press conference.

After that, O’Connell stated, “Operation Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights”—which removed Communist dictator Fidel Castro from power in Cuba—“just seemed to suggest itself. My only regret is that we didn’t think of it decades sooner. I mean, "Operation Mongoose"? Come on! Who is that going to inspire?”

Naysayers thought “Operation Forever Lulu” and “Operation Skatetown U.S.A.” were inappropriate names for the assassinations of P.L.A. chief Yasser Arafat and Hamas leader Sheikh Yassin, respectively. But they did not argue with end of suicide bombings and the ensuing peace agreement, which was signed in 2007.

2008’s “Operation City of Joy" brought an end to Pyongyang, North Korea’s, long famine, and started the change in public opinion that led to the bloodless revolution in the country last year.

When asked to explain what was it about Swayze that inspired the troops so much, O’Connell was at something of a loss. “I don’t know, exactly…his eyes, or….maybe it’s that he’s sensitive, but also strong, just as our military must be sensitive to intelligence and civilian needs, but strong in battle. But it’s also….there are mysteries out there that I can’t explain. This is bigger than me or you, bigger than all of us.”

Recently retired Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld agreed. “As we know, there are known knowns. There are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns. There will be some things that people will see. There will be some things that people won't see. And life goes on…there’s just something in his eyes that inspires.” Rumsfeld stated, gazing at a four foot poster of Swayze in his living room.

“Does that make me gay? Goodness no!” Rumsfeld added.

Swayze will receive the Congressional Medal of Freedom, the United States’ highest civilian honor, in a quiet ceremony next week.

Footnote 1: idea stolen from the Daily Show, and James Casey in comments.Footnote 2: Rumsfeld's remarks are partly taken from here.

actually, the Havana Nights one hasn't come out yet--it's 2004. But it will have by the time the Castro raid takes place in my bizarro world.

Another good movie game, which my family can play for hours, is to substitute "Hummus" for one of the words in the title. We still argue about which is better, "Indiana Jones and the Hummus of Doom" or "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Hummus." (I think it's clearly the former.)

It wasn't until 2010 that it was learned that in 2005's "Operation Next Of Kin" George Bush snuck away from his ranch and went to New York to find the killers of his brother Neil (who was running against Michael Bloomberg for mayor) before Jeb did and ruined his shot at the presidency by taking matters into his own hands.