Archive for October, 2010

All signs point to an Oklahoma State win this weekend in Lubbock. Which is why I’m nervous. Tech’s defense has more pores than Edward James Olmos. And Oklahoma State plays like the 85 Bears once the halftime horn blows. However, if the Texas fans do that ‘silent scare’ deal to OSU, we’re toast. I’d hate for Weeden’s calls to be heard at the line of scrimmage.

Last night’s Thunder exhibition at the BOK in Tulsa (in a losing effort to Memphis) continued this city’s odd relationship with an NBA team that’s 90 minutes away but Tulsa doesn’t care about.

I actually went to the game and – while the paid attendance was north of 11,000 – I’d wager half of that number was in the concourse stuffing their collective face with chicken strips. When the lights came down for the pre-game introductions, Russell Westbrook and Jeff Green received tepid applause. And when Kevin Durant was announced, you’d thought the PA announcer had declared a Dodge Neon has its light on in the southwest parking lot.

So what’s NOT to like about the Thunder? They’re talented, they play as a team, they’re now successful, there are no prima donnas. And they have one of the top 3 players in the world right now. Repeating, one of the top 3 basketball players in the world was in Tulsa last night.

I have to believe some of this Thunder apathy dates back to the team’s decision to call the franchise the Oklahoma City Thunder rather than the Oklahoma Thunder. If that’s really the reason, I don’t know what to say. To not root for a team out of spite is more than childish. Rather than embrace an NBA Playoff team in this state, most Tulsans would rather strategize on bringing the Olympics to Green Country or rounding up a bunch of non-lesbians to see a Tulsa Shock game.

The Tulsa World barely pays attention to the Thunder mid-season. They might send John Klein to OKC to nap through a game and stink up the media bathroom and henpeck a column rife with obvious observations. But no features … unless the team is playing in Tulsa. And definitely no beat reporter. But for fuck’s safe, let me know what is happening at Fair Meadows or I’ll cancel my subscription.

The Dallas Cowboys are named for the city of Dallas. But the entire state of Texas (and most of it still) was devoted to the team for 50 years. I’d wager 75% of Oklahoma Sooner fans didn’t even take a coorespondence course with the actual university. Maybe its a generational thing. Our children’s children will cheer on the Thunder in Tulsa while they drive around in their flying cars and pork women in virtual reality booths.

Now that Brandon Weeden is on pace to possibly be the most prolific quarterback for one season in OSU history, the Tulsa World wisely asked the question: How was Weeden No. 3 on the depth chart last year?

Gundy said he was a poor practice player. Said he didn’t fit into the system the Pokes ran in 2005-2009. But was he so terrible that it was worth watching Alex Cate crap his white game pants against Colorado and nearly lose the game?

When asked what Weeden would do for his birthday, he said eat sushi with his family. Whereupon Boone Pickens immediately shoved him in the ‘queer’ category of his mind.

Speaking of prolific offenses, what is the percentage change that Dana Holgorsen is here in 2011? 50/50? The dude still lives in a hotel. Mike Gundy will have deed at least six of his gold chains to his OC to sweeten the deal for next year.

The normal hand-wringing that OSU fans do at halftime when their team looks like the Texas State Armadillos is done. Third quarter, baby. Make some halftime adjustments, crush a Red Bull, adjust the gold chain, spike the lettuce and go score 28 in the third.

A few impressions from the Pokes win on Friday:
-ESPN2 stuck Mark Neely (former Drillers play-by-play man) with the most generic color commentator of all time in JC Pearson. The man didn’t say one interesting or thought-provoking thing. Speaking of ESPN2, one thing that sucks about having your team play on a non-traditional college football night is the ticker. With not much going on, I read the term “racy pictures” in relation to Brett Farve’s dong about 2,000 times
-Justin Blackmon is NFL ready. He could have caught 25 passes.
-Why’d Gundy call that onside kick? Come on, Mike! You’re better than that. That’s an underdog move.
-I watch a bit of the Tech/Baylor game on Saturday and the Cowboys will scorch the Red Raiders defense.

My dad always said, shaking his head when the bill came: It’s the drinks and appetizers that add up. (wipes brow, adjusts crotch)

Perhaps Dez Bryant said that when several Dallas Cowboys stuck him with a $55K dinner tab.

I don’t care if I have enough money where I’m using gold bullion for an ottoman, I’ll never be able to get with high-priced dinners. I paid $150 for a steak once in Vegas. And it wasn’t much better than the Outback special. The guy asked me if I wanted mushrooms on my steak. Thinking it was like A-1 or ketchup – just a condiment or a free side – I said sure. He never mentioned it’d be an additional $30. That especially hurt when I shoved all said mushrooms off my steak because they tasted like panther piss.

Check out Joe Pequeno from a TV station in Phoenix. The man who coined the term “Hasta La Bye Bye.” He’s part hype man, part sportsbroadcaster, part ‘guy who hits on your girlfriend right in front of you.’

Since Tulsa World’s Bill Haisten predicts a 35% chance that OSU will beat Nebraska at home on Oct. 23, I’m predicting there’s a 35% percent chance the Cowboys will wear black in that game. Because like Kim Kardashian, OSU athletic director Mike Holder keeps going back to black when he’s in/needs a pickle. (Multiple puns intended)

Lettuce Pray

Gundy claims that a “committee of older” players convinced the coach to approve the black jerseys. And that his wife was upset she didn’t know until the Pokes ran on the field. Was his wife upset when Coach G came home with that tight haircut? Geez, Mike. The blog is called Gundy’s Lettuce. And you’re not helping me out with that haircut. You’re not the military, bro. Let that spike grow a little longer.

Friday Night Football

I’ll have to DVR “America’s Funniest Videos” on Friday night to watch the Cowboy game. Or should I DVR the game and watch Tom Bergeron smirk his way through dads getting hit in the nuts with a whiffle ball and old people falling off of boats? The non-Saturday games on ESPN or ESPN2 definitely help national exposure. After the win over Texas A&M, more than 100 people came to this blog by googling “Brandon Weeden.” Then they were disappointed to find dick jokes and bad puns in lieu of real information.