Starring Grizzy and Sophie

First off, thank you for your kind words about my Rosie. I do think she was taken too soon, but there’s not much I can do about that. It’s a little bittersweet thinking about her, as I usually start to tear up, but I’m sure in time that will fade. She was my first baby, really, and it was the first time I was truly able to grieve over losing someone I loved, pet or human. There are a lot of memories and emotions there, but there is also a lot of joy. I was blessed to have my sweet girl for the time I did. And in a way, I thinks she makes me appreciate these two small fries even more.

Weekend chillin’.

This weekend we all did a lot of napping. Reading napping, some organizing, and some random business on the computer. Because of the cold, I spent a lot of time in the house. I’ve noticed that these guys seem to be more chill the more that I’m around. Not that I am routinely gone night after night, but when I’m home on the weekends, it’s really nice. It’s like they are saying, “Mom’s here to bug whenever we want. All is right in the world.” LOL!

I don’t often talk about my Bee, my Rosie Bee, but I can tell you that I miss her all the time. She hold such a special place in my heart. Pulling up this picture resulted in me tearing up, so you can see why it’s difficult for me to talk about her much, although I do think of her often.

My sweet Rosie girl.

I love my two small fries so much, but sometimes I think “Wouldn’t it be nice with Rosie here, too?” She was such a loving girl. Snowy days like today I’d pick her up and carry her around the house. She was always a little round, lol, and her fur was SO soft. We’d watch Pati’s Mexican Table and I would sing the theme song with different words for Rosie. She was such a sweetheart; I was blessed to have what time I did have with her.

It’s been a year since I said goodbye to Rosie. I can’t say too much, because it still really hurts to think about that day. I can hardly believe it’s been a year, though. To say there have been some changes is a wild understatement. I finished grad school. (I still don’t know how I did that, I really don’t.) My department underwent a massive reorg, so my job has changed considerably. So many things are different, so many things happened.

I will always think of how sweet my brother E was that day. It was the first time I ever really had the chance to grieve someone in a way that was natural to me, without feeling like I had to hurry it up or keep it under wraps. He was very kind and said nice things but also let me be sad, keeping me company without saying anything. That was very comforting.

Rosie was simply an amazing, wonderful, sweetheart of a cat. She had the softest fur, the best caterwaul of a meow, and the loudest purr. I would always comment that “Oh, the furnace is on” because she would start with this “Whomp!” and then the motor was on.

I loved how when I got home she’d walk out in the hallway and then back in. It was great, because it gave me time to get my mail, lol! I would then pick her up and she’d give me a face rub. I’d try to ask for one more and usually she’d acquiesce before she’d press on my arm like “Mom, put me down now–I want FOOD!”

I loved how she would let me hold her for what seemed like hours. I loved how she would always walk on my feet. Il loved her sweet little face, with her one blind eye and her little spot of tan on her whisker cheek. She was my muffin. I miss you, Rosie Bee. But I am thankful I had you to love for as long as I did, and I know you are enjoying lots of sun and all the wet food you want. 🙂

I picked up Rosie’s ashes on Friday. 😦 It was a very difficult day. However, I did want to share a few nice things:

Everyone at the vet was wonderful. Very compassionate and kind. They also did a lovely job with her paw print.

Rosie’s paw print

The picture is a little upside-down, but you can see her name near the bottom.

I also got a little snippet of her fur.

Rosie’s multicolored fur

This was really difficult to even type up! I miss her so, so, SO much. But maybe with this…I dunno. Maybe this is a milestone, and after this things will get a little easier? I do have to say, it means a lot to have these items, and I am very touched by how kind everyone at the vet was. They definitely made a difference during this awful time.

I mentioned in one of my last entries how I wanted to do some sort of memorial for Rosie. I’ve admired Wexford Jewelers jewelry for a long time. I’ve especially liked the garden/rose line. I decided to contact them about making a custom piece. They said absolutely and hurrah! I will soon be getting a piece similar to the one above. I will post it as soon as I get it.

I could never forget my Rosie Bee, and she will always be in my heart, but I like the idea of her always being close to my heart. 🙂

Thank you for all your kind thoughts and prayers. I will write more in a day or two or three, but I did want to say thank you for all the support. I received the emails throughout the day and they really helped me.

Rosie did seem to let me know, even though I wasn’t really expecting that, to be honest. I had an appt for later in the day, but this morning, well, I knew it the time was at hand.

I know she was sick and not feeling well, but I don’t think she suffered. This is a small comfort.

I was very happy that we enjoyed some very sweet moments this morning. She did lap up a little bit of tuna juice, so she had a little something in her tummy.

She purred like nothing else, her motor was so loud. She headbutted me and gave me a lot of face-rubs and was very loving. She’s usually very affectionate, but with her not feeling well the past couple weeks, she was a little slower. So it was a true blessing that for a while this morning, it was like she’d never been sick. This really eased a bit of my heartache.

This is really hard to write…so that’s all for now. I just can’t even describe the emptiness and tiredness I feel. I guess I’m still in shock? But I am very thankful for your thoughts and prayers, and I am so, so happy and feel very blessed that my last moments with my baby girl were very happy and warm and peaceful. And I already miss her so very much.

Today was a really lovely Sunday morning. I skipped church on account of feeling a little meh, given events of last week. I was happy I did, as it was so relaxing to stay at home. I puttered around my room and Rosie perched herself on different things. Eventually she made her way to my bed. I love it when she sleeps on my down comforter – she looks like a little queen in a giant cloud.

This was a good reminder to me that I need to slow down and enjoy the small pleasures in life – which are actually really big!

First, thank you for all your lovely comments, prayers and thoughts. I truly appreciate them.

It’s taken me a long time to write this post. Sadly, my Rosie’s cancer has come back. I would like to note that she was a champ, an absolute champ, at the vet’s office. And my heart breaks how, when she was done being poked and prodded, I took her in my arms and she just collapsed, like a heavy pancake. Just flattened out. My poor baby girl.

The vet, Dr. Awesome, was wonderful as always. I can’t say enough for how kind and compassionate he and his staff are. I appreciate that they are very honest, but also deliver the less-than-good news with the utmost kindness. I think this is a gift that few people have, and anyone who goes there is lucky.

We discussed options. I’m going to start crying really hard again, so I’ll keep it brief: surgery does NOT seem like the best option at all. It would be pretty invasive – much more invasive than her last surgery – and the cancer she has is almost guaranteed to come back. Right now I’m just keeping her comfortable. Eventually, I’ll have to let her go. I’m praying she’ll go peacefully in her sleep, but…I’m certainly not going to let my girl be in pain.

I just fed her and she only ate about a quarter of what she usually eats, so that has me so upset. I’m definitely going to get a rotisserie chicken later today or tomorrow morning.

I’ve had pets my entire life but Rosie is just so special. She’s comforted me through many, many difficult times. I feel so blessed to have her, and I feel so extraordinarily blessed to have her love.

Still, my heart breaks that my poor baby girl is going through this. Every day with her has been a gift, and these days now are especially precious.

There is no easy way to put this: I found another lump on Rosie, right around where the original lump was, under her armpit. I’m taking her in on Wednesday evening for a visit with the vet. I’m bracing myself for the worst, but I’m hoping for the best. My bee was a little wheezy this weekend, but has been fine the last day or so. She seems like she’s eating a little less, but that’s very subtle. Maybe it’s just me being an overprotective mama?

I feel like I’m so calm typing this out but trust me, I had my big meltdown last night. I guess I’m just cried out for the moment. But also, I’m trying to enjoy every moment with my sweet girl. We just had some quality time watching QVC, haha. (On top of everything else, I’m not feeling so hot. It’s nice to have a kitty on your lap when you have a sore throat.)

I’ll keep you all posted. In the meantime, here is an oldie but a goodie picture of my Bee:

Sunning

It reminds me of lazy summer weekends. I don’t mind the winter, but I am looking forward to this summer!

A few weeks ago we got a ton of snow, but then it became really sunny. I snapped these pictures of Rosie catching some sunbeams. These are some of my favorite pictures of her.

Watching her birdie friends.

Rosie looking queenly.

My favorite of the three. She’s so relaxed!

We were happy to have a visit from Auntie Rene tonight. She helped me trim Miss Rosie’s nails – by doing all the work. 🙂 Thank you, Rene!

In a more serious note, while it’s upsetting to see Rosie’s surgery photos, I am so glad I have them! I check her for lumps and bumps and this afternoon I thought I felt something. (I’m paranoid now, after finding that first lump.) But it’s nice, because I can see “Ohh, that’s where her staples were.” Her fur now covers up her scars. So it’s nice to have that reference to ease my mind a bit. Although I am still a worrying mama because she is my baby. 🙂 And thankfully now she is a very healthy baby!