Orbea presents a few, just a few mind, of the incredibly moronic signs that cover virtually every surface of the interior of City West Lotteries House. What sort of mentality drives someone to make up and laminate a sign on how to use the soap dispenser in the bog? Do they not see that it is their signs that are worse than any actual problem? I assume every single employee delights in fucking up the soap dispenser, pissing all over the toilet brush, switching off the urn, pouring coffee grounds down the sink…

Roughage my arse. Get fucked. Your font fever and underlining indicates you may be an idiot.

I’m turning it off now dickhead. I have also crapped in this urn.

I directed a stream of urine onto this brush. I’m refilling bladder to slash upon your laminator.

Oi! don’t you go rubbishing Beeliar. It’s so close to Fremantle that we are thinking of adopting the poor little bugger.
Just for the record, Camillo is not a Southern suburb as suggested by some TV news tonight. It is South Eastern… nothing to do with us

Be fair, it is Lotteries House. Full of left-wing, do- gooder, bleeding heart, chest beaters. Those types can’t be trusted to keep domestic harmony while all their focus is on being the world saving, worried well.

It’s a well known scientific fact that as variable x (number of inhabitants in a workplace) increases so does variable y (number of irritable signs displayed in communal ablution and food preparation areas).

Perhaps orbea has uncovered another direct relationship – that between
variable a (number of under-resourced do-gooding organisations staffed predominantly by burnt-out left-wing females occupying a building) and
variable b (number of irritable signs displayed in etc).

I’m heading for officeworks today to get me one of those laminators. Soon my kitchen and living areas will be filled with helpful instructions.

-Pick your FUCKING towels up off the floor after use, please.
– Put your DIRTY dishes in the dishwasher NOT on the GODDAM bench, thanks.
– DON”T put a load of washing on if you are NOT prepared to HANG IT Out too lazy bastards, cheers mum xxxx.

I like the way the illustration for the please use the communal toilet brush poster shows a scowling woman in elbow-length rubber gloves… which presumably aren’t provided in consideration for your convenience

I love them all, but I keep going back to the soap dispenser one. Was there really clipart just like that out there? Or did they make it up themselves? Full points for the artistic soap dispenser shadow, it’s great, but if they were trying so hard why didn’t they notice the dispenser is actually empty? What is that freaky/happy homunculus type thing supposed to be doing? Jumping on the soap dispenser? Wouldn’t that break it quicker than pushing on the spout, like the plus sign says you’re not to? And why doesn’t he have a shadow too anyway?

The toilets at work service about four businesses and don’t have any signs, but someone keeps putting those bottles of chemical scent with wooden skewers sticking out of it on the bench. I am allergic to perfume and also believe that overlaying one horrible smell with another horrible smell is no improvement. So… every time I visit the amenities I put the bottle in the cupboard.
Every time I come back it is back on the bench and I am just waiting for a laminated sign to appear – which I will also put away in the cupboard.

As much as these notices give me the shits I find myself in sympathy with the dispenser spout note. I have two large (expensive) half-full bottles of sunscreen in the cupboard at home, unusable because the bloody kids kept pressing down on the spout until it broke off.

What sort of shenanigans are going on down at Lottery House?
Are people pissing on the walls to check the colour of their urine against the chart?
Are the walls covered with protoplasm from a malevolent poltergeist?
Hasn’t the paint dried yet?
Who has slippery walls for fucks sake.

If it is the floor that is slippery then an arrow pointing downwards would suffice however there is not any indication of which is the slippery surface.
Therefore the surface to which the sign is attached, in this case a wall, is obviously the one which is slippery.

By not being precise as to which surface is slippery, the sign makes kitchen users think all its surfaces are slippery and too dangerous to use. Hence they leave, resulting in an immaculate kitchen and fewer fat staff.
The cleverness behind these signs is to be applauded.

Snuff
re. pic of Zappas folks
they must have been pretty cool for the times. That looks like a suite of Tom Wesselmann paintings on the back wall AND the walls are painted in a very con/temp/or/ary pale aubergine

At camp there was signs like that everywhere like wash your hands save the grove and also we where not aloud to open the window or door in our dorm so that sucks. Also theres no aircon so that equals a little room that stuffy as hell!.