Did you ever dream that you were a dog agility super champ except then it switched and you were at some germy, grungy, derelict seaside park in the dark and the carnies were actually drug addled zombies that were shambling after you with hammers and their big teeth? And then as you're trying to escape your way out from under their oily, horrible claws by clambering up a rat infested palm tree, you're all, this is about dog agility like, how?

16 January 2008

Even though the song says to I never smack my bitches up.

It certainly was a black mood day yesterday but it was also sunny at work and the horses were all good and except for a clipper blade fiasco, I forgot about the bacteria and polar bears for a while. I also got to practice with the dogs in the morning.

It was House of Pain day at dog practice. Whatever happened to those guys? I think some of them became Limp Bizcit. Oh well. So sorry. The theme was Jump Around. I set up grids and that was all we worked on. Ruby, she of the mos def stay, was all a twitter to GO and when I'd walk up the grid* (*here, let's define grid for you skimmers, wake up Joel Warner! A grid is just a series of jumps that I customly space apart so that, in this case, there was one stride between them all but some one strides longer and shorter than the others. Makes the dogs think and balance themselves to, ahem, avoid knocking a rail). Yeah so I'd turn my back, walk up the line to put out a toy for her to drive to, and badabing. She is up the grid, swimmer turn and back down it to the stay place, 10 jumps all together, in a flash, like-HEY you don't see me RIGHT but i JUST Want to JUMP AROUND JUMP AROUND.

Otterpop, IN THE HOWSE, she has a less than mos def stay. Mos Weak. She wiggles here and there and lays down and likes to start from this weird I am a Lounge chair position. But eventually LOVE for the frisbee overcomes her need to not stay and she barreled up and down her jumps fantastico when she figures out the frisbee vanishes if you split the start early. She didn't hit anything. Did I mention on Ruby's turn she was wacking jumps right and left until she got it that she couldn't have a treat til she went thru without wacking stuff? That worked.

Gustavo is just learning to stay and drive down a line. You know that B.I.G. song "biggie biggie biggie can't you see, sometimes your words just hypnotize me?" He is little but he is learning the hypnotic spell of the WAIT W-A-I-T WAIT so I can walk down the grid and put a frisbee out. Even though Susan Garrett says I shouldn't need to do this. Sorry Susan Garrett! My training is flawed. We spent a lot of time at just a single jump too, driving out to a toy from a stay (Hello Success with One Jump-Say Hello To Success!) and then down the gymnastic, which he got fast and easy and good. I study the technique of Rami Droopy Turban of dresses too, because this is how he has become the powerful winner of ugly dresses-the hypnosis of Heidi and Nina and Tim! These are the new ways I find to train a Mexican Pet.

Yeah, in a perfect world we would all start out day like this. With old school hip hop and morning jump grids with everyone holding their stay followed by a run in the mountains and a wholesome breakfast I guess. In a perfect world those guys aren't all singing about ho's and smacking bitches up either and the polar bears have a big chunk of ice to sit on, not just a tiny ice cube they are balancing on one paw until it melts and they swim to their death.

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Laura Hartwick, Captain

Many people around Santa Cruz know Laura as the lady with all those little black dogs. Many people know her as a horse trainer. Many people know her as the artist with the small brushes. Many people know her as that hoity graphic designer.
None of them would be wrong.
All the dogs of Team Small Dog, righteously awesome.
Laura Hartwick is usually a nice person. Except when she isn't. Be nice, don't bite, and run faster.