Gisele & Tom Brady's Secret Wedding

It is alleged, by In Touch via Starpulse, that the Brady Bundch (AKA Brundch Plans) are thinking 3 things Costa Rica, wedding and March 2009. Plans are being kept on the DL, probably because the notoriously intrusive Costa Rican paparazzi will likely be stalking the jungles of the tiny resort nation. Gisele Bundchen allegedly has a home in Costa Rica but it is probably hidden from prying eyes by some glamour that her super good-looks have empowered her with. Word on the street is that there will be no engagement, only a marriage. That statement rings hollow to us in the same way that the say "there is no Dana only Zuul" does. While Zuul, the Gatekeeper, doesn't acknowledge Dana, he's still walking around in her body. And even though there is not an engagement ring, the act of planning a wedding, setting a date, hiring The Dan Band to play it and getting a football shaped cake commissioned is a de facto engagement.

Tom Brady, as you may well know, is the handsomest man to ever toss a pigskin for a living. And as a handsome man and a football player he understands the importance of misdirection and the audible, but it's almost impossible to keep a celebrity wedding totally secret. The best you can hope for is to tell a ton of friends that you're having a party, then hiring a priest and getting your far less attractive and successful brothers to set up the chairs and tents. Before the catering staff can call TMZ you're practically married. And, when in doubt, swear everyone to non-disclosure agreements and feed them each a different lie that can be traced back when it's revealed. It's pretty much staff/ family management 101.

At any rate, Starpulse says that Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen have been dating since the quarterback's breakup with Bridget Moynahan in 2006. It's always a little dicey when someone is able to abutt 2 relations sans downtime. That generally means that something untoward and/ or ungentlemanly went down. We don't believe that about Brady though. He's a cool enough dude that he could likely dump Gisele tonight and be dating Rihanna (sorry, Chris Brown) by sun up. Best of luck on the wedding, guys. Don't be surprised if Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson follow yins* into matrimony but in Cancun and accompanied by an ad in Variety courtesy of Papa Joe Simpson (he can't help himself).