Naxals to recruit AISA students from Ramjas college, confident of 100% campus placement

Delhi: A team of Naxals has landed on Ramjas college campus today, to interview students as part of campus placements. There are talks in the woods that they might end up recruiting whole of AISA group students.

Speaking to us, from the canteen of the Delhi campus, Maoist Officer for Recruitment Of Naxals (MORON) Savita Krishnan, said, “Due to the evil Demonetization and the oppressive combing operations done by the fascist Indian government, our brothers have lost their count in large numbers. We had been hoodwinking many kids with money, but we soon run out of funds and they too surrender. If this continues, we have to be answerable to our controllers. It is appraisal season as their new year is approaching and we have to achieve our goals by this year end. That is why, we have landed up in this third home of us.”

File Photo of 2012 batch of AISA alumnus from DU participating in their Alumni meet deep in Indian forest.

“Our first home is the Red Corridor, second home is JNU and this college has become our third home.”, beamed Savita, munching Samosa. “What we look for in our recruits is that they should stay with us, no matter if we run out of money. Look around this campus. So many future Naxals roaming here. These AISAwaalahs are from a rich background and yet Maoism is there in their blood. They hate India, shout against Army, support Jihadis, Pakistan and yearn for Naxals. What more do we need?”

When we informed Savita that this AISA hates war, she smirked and retorted, “Even Naxals are against wars. See! It is called a War when two sides battle it out. In our case, it is only our forces which kill CRPF men regularly. And when govt launches an attack on us, we have our pacifists crying out via all their bodily holes to save us from military aggression. So, it is not a war that we fight. We too don’t like wars. We just want to kill as many Indians as we want and establish the rule of Mao in India. It is the revolution – the revolution which every AISA student orgasms of. I am confident that we will have 100% campus placement this year. All of AISA students will be given an offer to join Naxals.”

When she ended her speech, students of AISA who had gathered around her cheered in unison. One student of AISA proudly said, with red star twinkling in his eyes, “I am so excited to be a part of Maoists. I will fight for the Left. I will remove all evil Savarna Hindus from this world. I will buy new iPhone and cars from that money. By the way, I will also fight for the poor.”