Please don’t think you can be a better me. You can’t. Hell, I can’t.

Let me warn you now. This might be the very time I should keep my mouth shut.

Things in life have been pretty busy this week. And I’m a creature of habit. So, I haven’t been able to keep up with the blogs I read on a regular basis, as well as a few other daily rituals and yes…I’m dying inside.

(Clothes have been in the dryer since Wednesday.)

(Mail is literally jammed in the mail box begging for help.)

(There is something green in my fridge I’m scared to touch.)

Yesterday, my Google Reader showed I had 129 unread subscriptions.

I physically got a little nauseated.

(Simply because I’m all up into social media.)

(And nosey.)

And the blogs I read, well…I come to know the writer, their kids, their friends, their tastes, their everything.

It’s how we roll.

129 unread subscriptions bothered me more than the fact that my slacks are starting to get snug again.

(And for that, I’ll still be blaming the holidays in April.)

I checked in with one I had been reading for a few months now, and I saw Iris had completely been blasted by a couple of commenters.

Calling her a bad mother. Calling her self-centered. All kinds of shit.

(And one commenter confessed to not having children. Yet, she felt she knew enough about motherhood to say Iris was a bad mother.)

On Iris’ blog.

(And in my world, reading a blog and interacting through comments is really like doing it face to face.)

Listen. That shit is like coming into my living room, then bashing me on my taste of decor, insulting my family photos and basically telling me you can do my life much better than me.

You can call it public.

You can call it free speech.

You can call it constructive criticism.

You can call it an opinion.

But when it’s personal attacks and jabs, it’s bullying. Period.

But why intentionally say something so mean and spiteful directly to someone when you know it’s going to do nothing but hurt?

I am amazed each day how many people tell me things I should “think about doing” to better myself, or ways to “do something different” to make something work in my life.

Because you know, they got life down pat. So they know the way to do my things better than me.

I just smile. And slowly die a little inside.

(And no doubt. I’m probably guilty of it myself. Though I would never say anything to anyone to intentionally offend or hurt them. I don’t care if it is for their own good.)

Iris handled herself with the utmost grace.

(Iris taught me the saying, “I’m cleaning my womb” during THAT time. Kinda like when you were young and your mom yelled out asking what you were doing and you said, “I’m cleaning my room!” Yeah…I giggle at that!!)

(Though I’ve never uttered those words.)

(But that is so much better than, “Aunt Flo is visiting.”)

She is full of humor and like most of us that blog, live on and with satire daily.

I know satire makes up a lot of who I am. If I can’t make fun of me or things that happen in life…then I need to put up the “Out of Business” sign.

I hope none of you have had the experience Iris did. But I do hope you handled it like her if you have.

With class.

With humor.

And with poise.

I’m not positive I would have been as graceful as Iris with my response. I’d like to hope I would have been, but I’d be lying if I said for certain.

(BTW…Iris’ readers came to her defense in full force. Me included. And most were as graceful as Iris.)

(Me included.)

(It infuriated her readers because we know Iris loves her kids and IS a good mother. And has a phenomenal sense of humor. And knows how to use it.)

(Love shit sticks together. You know I’m right.)

(And I’d defend everyone of you the same way.)

(Cause we’re all love shit.)

(Whatever that is.)

I just think it’s a sad, sad world when there are those who can’t decipher humor from real life. And even more sad for those who can’t FIND humor in real life.

I’m sure one day nasty comments on my blog will surface. Someone will stroll in my living room (my blog) and feel the need to tell me how to be a better me.

It happens in real life so odds are it’s gonna happen here.

It will crush me. I’m just keeping it real.

It. Will. Crush. Me.

To my very core.

But one thing I’m good at…is hiding it. Then getting over it.

Because really, it’s none of my business what others think of me.

And I can fake shit better than most and smile when I’d rather be holding your carotid in my bare left hand.

However, a nasty comment here will do nothing but show the one who made it who the real winner is:

People will be stupid. And some will be vocal.
After a while, if you really try hard, you can learn to ignore them completely.
Then they just sit in a corner, rotting away and waiting for judgement day. :pMaren recently posted..Breaking good habits, and then picking them up again!

I’m spending Saturday afternoon going through *my* Google reader. I only have 194 items in there. Thank God a bunch of them are Groupons 🙂The Mother Freakin’ Princess recently posted..Retro-Friday: The Evolution of a Princess

I haven’t met Iris yet, but I will make my way over as soon as I leave this comment. I’m appalled that someone would leave nasty comments. I guess they were never taught, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Just plain yucky!

Why be mean? I simply don’t understand why people think they can hide behind the frackin’ internet and treat people any worse than they would if the person had a 9mm held to their temple. I know I am guilty of giving unsolicited advice…very guilty.

If something isn’t my cup of tea, I just move along. Sometimes I ‘talk’ a little to the monitor. There are so many blogs, that everyone should be able to find someone they enjoy. It’s just plain ugly to make a mean comment, but even more so to jump in once someone else has the ball rolling.

Honestly, even my most favorite bloggers have said and done things that I found uncomfortable and, revolutionary as it may seem, I didn’t comment at all. I just came back another day and carried on per usual. I guess I am odd.

Yes. Your days of prying me off your right arm are over, sister. Give it up. I’m stuck.

And I couldn’t agree more. We’re not all going to always agree. That’s what makes us each who we are to me.

“Advice” is just that: advice. But it’s the unsolicited advice that gets to me. And I’m sure I do the same thing. I’ll never say I’m different from anyone else. I just hope I catch myself when I do it.

I don’t care what the situation is. There is never a good reason to simply be rude and ugly just for the sake of being rude and ugly.

So I once was told that a blog post I’d written was entirely inappropriate. I said “thank you” and now use that as a tagline when promoting the post. Seems to get more readers that way.

Anyway, I get annoyed when the armchair perfectionists come out and hide behind their “anon” screen names. Though I’ve never been criticized for being a bad mother (course I don’t have kids unless you count my husband but that’s a different story) I feel a little pang of hurt anytime I read a comment on someone else’s blog that is less than positive.Brandon S recently posted..Funny Stuff…..Noa G

I thought about it a little after I read the stuff on Iris’ blog and wondered if I wouldn’t just totally ignore and disregard the comment. As if it wasn’t even there. Just move on past and acknowledge the next comment.

I guess that is the beauty of moderating comments 😀 In some cases they aren’t even there at all….

I’ve tried the silent treatment but it’s hard to stand by and watch a car accident happen without wanting to do something if you get my drift. If everyone just drove by and didn’t bother to call 911 you’d have a completely different society. Iris was in the middle of the car wreck and you called 911. The way I see it, you probably wouldn’t have acted any different.Brandon S. recently posted..Funny Stuff…..Noa G

Yes- that is just insane! When I was pregnant with Zoe, I was on the BabyCenter bulletin boards with people expecting in August. And, for the most part, it was a really supportive place. But, it got NASTY up in there sometimes. People flinging judgment and trying to force their choices on others. It was insane! And it seemed that a huge majority of the time, it was the first-timers that had all the judgment and the ones of us that had done it before were all like, “Yeah.. okay… whatever… we’ll see.”Jennifer recently posted..Momma Made it Look Easy- Share Your Awesome- Today it’s ME!

Jennifer, I was a member of a board like that once. Once. For a long time, but you’re right, it got crazy. People need to keep their crazy opinions to themselves, unless of course I ask for it, and then I can just ignore you if I don’t like the answer.A Boy’s Mom recently posted..My life in 120 minutes or less

Cyber bullying is SUCH a problem. And it’s NOT a kid problem. It’s an adult problem. It’s an adult who hides behind their computer screen thinking they are God’s gift while their kids are drinking drano and running with scissors problem.

It’s a coward’s problem.

And, if were to happen to you my friend, I would stick my cyber boots up in their cyber hind parts so far they’d be tasting the shit they just stepped in.

I might be way off the deep end, but all this blog stuff for me is as close to family as it can get. I mean, when you put your life out there and tell me all about what’s going on in your world…I kinda get attached.

And protectiveish.

Just like I would if I knew you IRL. It’s really no different. Love is love. No matter how close or how far.

i totally agree carrie. I CANT STAND people who are offensive and rude. What pleasure do you get by being this way? Why cant people just be gracious and caring? What do they get by being so rude. ITs sad really. I have never understood it. Yes, Ive met my share of people who are always offensive, and they look for ways to say rude things, even if I have not done anything to them. Honestly, it bothers me a lil , but i think what the hell is the point, Im not gonna waste my time over it.

And people who love me for who I am im forever loyal to them. Im grateful to have friends who are over 15 years and more…!! And i feel so very lucky. Sad situation. But yes, I believe your friend Iris shouldnt really bother. Shes entitled to her opinion and friends like you will make her realise shes always special 🙂 The FAKE ones will disappear.

Oops..this is turning into a book hah..but as always i love reading your blog. I juss noticed you have put up my blog on your blog roll *Awww* big hugssss sweetie!! Im so happy to see that 🙂 I am gonna be creating a Fav Blog section on my blog too! So i will need a button for your blog 🙂 Will use your ‘crown’ as the image if thats ok hhee. Love it!!! Hugssss
Tka ecare sweetie,big hugs!1
xoxo hanzhttp://www.fashionistaera.blogspot.com

You’re too kind sweety and im always happy to leave such sweet words for you. I wish you well always. Btw Im featuring you as the best blog post of the week in the coming week…!! your just too awsum :)) so check on my facebook page for my blog https://www.facebook.com/pages/FAshiOnistA-ErA/150317091705718 :))

This stuff happens in blog land. Luckily it hasn’t happened to me… yet. I’m not sure why people behave this way. Put them behind a computer monitor and they think they can say whatever they want. Just rude.Jennifer recently posted..#Project365/366, Week 4

Just discovered your blog. I’ll be following. Great write. I know just how it feels to have so many unread rss feeds. Somehow I have managed to avoid because harassed about my bad parenting by someone who doesn’t even have kids, but I think I’m good anyway. Besides, I wouldn’t write the shit I write if I thought for a single moment that it was what everyone wanted to hear lol, cuz I’m stubborn and foolish like that. It’s just how I roll.Bella recently posted..Moments Of Neurosis – This Is Who I am – Issue 6

That Google Reader is like crack for me. Completely addicted. And I feel so disloyal to those I follow when I get behind! THEY don’t make me feel that way…”I” make me feel that way.

It’s ridiculous.

I have no kids so I can say firsthand…those of us who have none need to keep our trap shut. And I feel the same way about divorce. Never been through one? The shut the eff up.

However, I do appreciate advice. I ask for it all the time. It’s that unsolicited advice I don’t need or want. If I want it, I’ll ask for it. Just don’t stroll on up and start up with, “You know what you need to do is….” on something you have no experience with.

That’s like me telling some 9 month pregnant woman what she needs to do to ease the contractions.

Now I will have to go read Iris’ blog and see who this lovely person is that you’re talking about. I think sometimes those nasty comments come from people who haven’t come to know the person and understand their style of writing, etc. I suspect something was taken totally out of context? If not, then I guess it’s the cloak of anonymity that prevailed, and that sure does seem to get people saying things they wouldn’t in a face to face situation, doesn’t it?

Sometimes I can’t believe how brave people are behind their computer screens. I’ve never had a mean comment on my blog, thank God, but I’m sure I’ll get one one day. However, sometimes I can’t believe the stuff my husband’s ex wife is brave enough to say in her emails. But, she’d never say it to our faces, just like those dumb blog commenters. They’re cowards in real life.

It constantly shocks and amazes me how awful people have become to one another since social networking and hiding behind a screen has become the norm. My opinion in the human race has dramatically changed and I find it sad that it is becoming more and more rare to find kindness and human decency these days.

Love shit. I like this. A lot. I might start using it as soon as I muster up the energy to like my husband again. (It’s such an exhausting task!!)

Mean comments happen. Some people don’t read a blog often enough to GET a feel for the writer’s attitude. And others are just angry with a bone to pick, and take a blog post and make it personal. I’ve always found it’s better to just NOT comment on a post if mean thoughts are swirling around, but hey. We can’t all have such will power and be perfect like you and me. Life goes on. We stay right. 😉

I know, right? Disagree and move on…but to bash and pick a fight? What are we? 4??

And would you just look at all the perfection just oozing from all of us here?? I mean, we’re so totally overflowing with it I’m not sure we’d miss any if some loser just swooped in and bagged some up and ran.

People are crap. Not all people, but a lot more than we wish. They bignote themselves by bringing others down. I had one guy call me racist on my blog (against New Zealanders of all people!) and did it by saying “All you Australians are racist.”

Sent me into gales of laughter, because of course he made a racist comment to judge ALL Australians by his perception of me. So as he’s calling me racist, he’s being racist. Irony? I think so!

I try to have a little fun with them. An inflammatory action is best responded to with a kind, quiet response (or a humorous one), it takes all the “wind out of their sails’ as my grandmother used to say. They look like even more of a douche.

Until they go for your kids, then all bets are off. (You kill ’em quick-like and bury ’em where no one will ever find ’em 🙂Karyn recently posted..Halfway Dead

ms. carrie, you know what you’ve been teaching me over the last couple of months? how to be authentic in cyberspace. i thought it was possible, but you’ve shown me what it looks like in action.

what i think i like the best, though, is that you are really out and about being people’s true friend — on the comment boards of their blogs, for God’s sake. it’s a beautiful thing and i like the cut of your jib, ma’am : )

w

(iris is blessed to have you on her boards. i’ll go and check her out.)

People with small little lives and inexplicably large egos feel emboldened to make mean comments on someone’s blog because they can do so anonymously. It’s easy to be an asshole when no one knows who you are. Being an asshole in person, now, THAT’S impressive.Felicia recently posted..Adventures in Hair Coloring At Home

I hate people who leave abusive blog comments. There is a reason that most of them do it anonymously…they know what they’re doing is wrong!!! I have only had one negative blog comment ever (to the best of my memory) and I just told myself the person had no idea what they were talking about!!!Becca recently posted..Chicken Maison Restaurant

I’d like to think anyone who REALLY knew the writer would disagree in a kind manner. I’d be willing to bet in almost every instance it’s ugly and hateful…the commenter really knows nothing about the writer and is just shooting from the hip about something they know nothing about.

Good call on pointing out all the ways these people justify their bad behavior. Suddenly, it’s “free speech” or “a differing opinion” or “constructive criticism.” But the bottom line is this: If you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, then you shouldn’t say it on the Internet. And I highly doubt anyone would say to someone else’s face what some of those with “differing opinions” were saying to Iris last week. At least not if they didn’t want to get a scathing earful – ‘cuz that would certainly be my reaction if someone ever told me that I was “the kind of parent that teachers want to stick pins in.” Especially if they happened to be standing in my home at the time!Kristin @ What She Said recently posted..Anatomy of a Meltdown

Right there with you, Carrie. On my previous blog the negative, threatening comments that turned up on my blog near the end were from my next door neighbours. The interface between real life and the blog life is complex and when things go wrong, it can really get ugly. My readers defended me too, but it ruined blogging and that blog died because of it.

I’m guilty of falling way behind on reading and blogging too, but at least I can rest assured that I didn’t add much to your 129 unread subscriptions :).mark recently posted..No Thanks, Larry