Deadly Good

Pre-Abused Is The New Refurbished With iSore

The market for extremely used iDevices just got a whole lot better with Apple's new line of “pre-abused” iPhones and iPads that the company is calling iSore according to the Scoopertino news team.

“According to research, 74% of iPhone owners damage their devices within the first 12 months of ownership.”

iSore ensures that customers move past that moment of panic and pain by letting the experts at Apple pre-abuse your device — delivering it scratched, baked, soaked or even steamrolled right out of the box.

“Your iSore will arrive having been victimized by blowtorch, toilet bowl, sidewalk drop, sky dive or over a hundred other damaging circumstances,” says Apple. “And new tortures will be added monthly.”

Every iSore is certified to be distressed down to the finest detail. Expect half the quality at half the price and now you can even use U.S. Food Stamps to pay for your wonky iSore device.