Because Karrie from Chicago asked us: “So who would win in a fight between you two?” and Mr. Krause’s silly reply was nothing more than a futile exercise of imagination consternation.

He said:

“…a fight between me and Jeff ends with two big hits: me hitting him and
him hitting the floor. Boom, ship it!”

Hilarious.

And wrong.

Certainly, I could stand my ground and explain to you that I am smarter, stronger and more charming than Mr. Krause, and that all those attributes would be more than enough to outduel him anywhere, anytime. However, I realize there is no way of proving that save kicking his real @s$. Mr. Krause — silly as he is at times — is still my friend, someone I would feel bad about murdering, so let us turn to some more concrete evidence:

Mr. Krause’s Strat-O-Matic card:Column 1

2 – Cries3 – Yells “Mommy!”4 – Runs away while the theme song to “My Little Pony” plays5 – Hits self in face, bleeds, spits, passes out6 – Puts on a dress and calls himself Ellen7 – Cries, runs away while the theme song to “My Little Pony” plays AND yells “Mommy!”8 – Dies… but not really9 – Begs for forgiveness10 – Sh!ts himself11 – Puts on lipstick, high heels and sings “Memory” in a pristine falsetto12 – Takes off his dress, gets on his knees and pleads for mercy…THEN Cries, runs away while the theme song to “My Little Pony” plays AND
yells “Mommy!”

Of course, Column 2 and Column 3 of his Strat-O-Matic card are quite similar, so I will refrain from posting the redundancy that is his inability to equal me in a match of pure brawn.

Peter — You can call Al Al, but you can call me Jeff. Does that make sense? Lol.
Mike — AHAHAHA! Matt Nokes. I was gonna say, Al is even better than Vance Law, but going between the Thrill & Nokes might be more fitting.
–Jeff

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