In my own world
Shattered by the inconsistency of my Muses
What will be of me?
Allowing these medieval thoughts and actions take hold of my sensitive visceral fuses

I love you and need you. The insanity of this world dims my light
your smile will recharge and brighten my sight

apart of you is always with me
But the more space between,
I feel disconnected, lost, blind to your rays
Blind to my own

You are my home. Without you here
It’s cold.
I keep doors open, letting the heat flow in
Outside forces only can do so much
Come back to me my love
Inside forces push and pull
Giving me hope and doubt
Inspite of the ambivalence I know you love me
But I need your touch to remind me

I didn’t realize how much Prince affected my life, my growing up, and my being. All the inner workings of gender and sexual expression I always held inside were openly and honestly revealed through him at a time that was new to the industry Prince inhabited. When I fell in love with the music and his beautiful physical expressions I didn’t yet even have feelings or words to “his” feelings and to his words which concurrently align to my present identities. I just intrinsically, at a very young age, connected to this being deeply, viscerally, and subconsciously understanding the light “he” was bearing resembled my own in a way I couldn’t fully grasp until now.

My appearance(s), my love of music, the guitar, the poetry, my open sexuality, all were subtly and directly inspired by The Artist.

His death encapsulated my latest birthday. I felt to celebrate my life for another year was trite when such a demigod passed only a few days before. My life felt simple, not special, careless, and somewhat meaningless in the wake of one who transformed music, sexuality, gender identity expression, and so on. I can only openly talk about it now as I feel a sense of weight has finally lifted.

My mourning has finally turned into gratitude blessings of nostalgia.

As I stood speechless, wearing my lavender before I knew it would be the day of his death( coincidence – I think not!), I drew up my earliest memories of life with Purple Rain in the forefront, my early childhood musings with a vacuum- my microphone, jerking privately in my bedroom emulating this fearless soul of a being, not man or woman, but a being in all his expressions and words, speaking truth, authenticity, and raw sexual desire…

I am nothing but grateful for his soul to have touched mine so deeply…

His passing is still shocking, yet it has provided me a new sense of freedom, release, love for myself, constant transcendence and transformation towards expansion, my sexuality, my gender, my creativity, and above all the love of give myself and others.

We all transcend into another spiritual dimension and we all act in accordance to our desires and beliefs in our physical lives. His death reminded me not just that life is finite on this physical Earth, but all we need to do is act.

In courageous action I can be the writer, the artist, the activist, the healer, the lover, and the being I am- always. I need not be afraid. His strength and honest expression of self will forever inspire me to be the demigod that I Am- that We Are. We are that light as well.

I stepped into myself then,
After you left me
I thought I was alone at times
Grew to know myself more, deeper, ever than before
Now I am here again,
Sometimes lost, adrift, confused
Wondering who I am
Who you were, in the larger scheme of things
I saw darkness and light mirrored in your eyes
Mirrored in your actions
I see it all around me
The sensitive ones
The controlling ones
The loving ones

Never again will I face you like I once did
Never again will I have you like I once did
Because even if we meet again…

I have changed and probably so have you
We are different people
Moving to a different tune
I wonder if our heart strings would still get tangled with our new tempo?