Always Willing To Grow

I am similar to an angry version of Dori, from the movie Finding Nemo. I forget more than I remember. I have a great attention to detail in some memories, and then years lost at the same time.

My husband goes to all my appointments because I can't answer half of the questions about myself. I had a traumatic childhood with a dad that wished I was a boy, a stepdad that was methed or coked out and a mom who was never there because she worked three jobs to support her 5 children.

I was the people pleaser until I snapped at 18 and ran away from home and got disowned. I married my first boyfriend and them hated him after year one. We were married 7 years. I shoved everything down so long that I just got tired of it one day.

I bottle everything up and then snap when the pressure cooker in my head explodes. I am happily married and have a family of my own now. I am going to doctors almost weekly and being tested/treated for ADD/ADHD with bipolar tendencies and sleep apnea. I have severe depression that I can't ever seem to shake for long.

I am doing everything I can to be better and to grow myself, but it's not enough. My husband gave me a real breakthrough today when he asked if I would consider putting our guns back in the safe. I was shocked, but can see his point.

I go from zero to 60 so fast and when I am there I see red. It's almost like when my anger gets ahold of me I am another person and all I want to do is hurt something or break something. That part of me scares me, and I'm afraid I won't always kick a door in or break something. I know I need help, and I'm looking for a place to start.

I’m afraid of losing and ruining the relationships that I cherish, because of my anger. So I’m hoping to improve myself in any way that I can, for myself and for those I love.

Thanks for hearing my story, although technically it's only the beginning. :)

Comments for Always Willing To Grow

Hi Danielle, and thanks for telling your story here. You write and express yourself well, and for that reason I think it might be very beneficial for you to do the exercises you will find in this article.

These are powerful tools, that only work when you use them consistently over a period of time. I'm not sure if this will work for you, but if it does, it is a way to get started right now on growing and becoming the person you choose to be and who you truly are.

The healing you're looking for is within you, Danielle. Believe in the goodness and well being that is in your true nature, and take one step at a time toward the goals you have for yourself.