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Sunday, 29 April 2012

You Already Were

November 2010

Tracy and I are sitting on the curb outside of our house
waiting for a text. Her hand reaches out for mine and she gives it a gentle
squeeze. I kick the dirt with my sneaker and take a deep breath. We
are all smiles and nerves and giddiness.

Andy is inside. Doing his part for the making of a baby and
we are waiting for the OK to come back. We’ve done this dance a few times now and it’s becoming a bit
more normal. As normal as it can be to have a man you met online producing
sperm in your spare room. But there is an electricity in the air today. The
timing is perfect. My uterus feels ready. I feel ready.

The phone in my hand buzzes and I look down to see Andy’s “OK.”
Our text history is just a series of OKs. Two letters meant to signify that it
is safe to return. His part is done. Now it’s on us.

I move quickly into the house and into my bedroom before he
emerges from the spare room. We agreed that since I will be pushing a
watermelon sized child out of a substantially smaller hole that she should be
the one to do the sperm hand-off. Fair is fair. She enters our bedroom a moment
later with an artichoke jar full of sperm kept warm in her sports bra and a big
smile on her face.

“Are you ready to become a mom today?” I ask her.

“So ready,” she smiles back.

March 2011

The overhead lights at the hospital are bright and I can
feel them warming my exposed belly. The contraction monitor jumps as Mac tries
to kick it off from the inside. We rushed to the hospital, scared we were loosing
him, and now we are just waiting. The hurry-up and wait is hard. Mac kicks,
offering me gentle reassurances that he will not be arriving early. I reach out
for Tracy’s hand and put it on my belly.

“Can
you feel that?” I ask her.
“I’m
not ready to become a mom today,” she responds.
“You
won’t be,” I assure her.

August 2011

I am hot. And tired. And very very pregnant. The kind of
pregnant that makes people wince and sigh sympathetically. Suddenly I have an
overwhelming need to go out for breakfast. I want one more date before the baby
arrives. I’m too pregnant for Tracy to say no to anything I ask so we go.

That night she rubs my belly and tells me she’s going to
miss it. I roll my eyes. Easy for her to say. At this moment I can’t imagine
missing the swelling, the sweating, the sciatica.

I glance over at the clock, counting, the pain is getting
predictable. Every ten minutes. Lasting a minute.

“Are you ready to become a mom today?” I ask my wife.

“Really?” she asks with eyes wide.

April 2012

I’m flipping through the mail. It’s mostly junk mail. Bills
come electronically these days. But one envelope looks different from the
others. “Tracy Lynn Ireland” is hand written on the front and the return
address has an official looking stamp.

“Babe I think it’s here,” I pass her the envelope. Like a
kid on Christmas morning she tears it open. She’s all smiles and nerves and
giddiness.

“What does it say?” I ask impatiently.

“I think I became his mom today,” she says with a sigh.

“No babe. You already were,” I respond.

**********

I am so honoured to announce that as a result of this post I was named as one of BlogHer's 2012 Voices of the Year.

Congratulations! I'm so glad I get to read your blog. I feel like I'm part of a special group of people who gets to celebrate all the awesome things that keep happening to you--and we've never met! Thank you for sharing, and also for making me feel like I'm not alone as I take care of my 12-week-old baby boy.

My daughter was born in August and it took until April for her to legally, on paper, to be mine - I was happy it was over, but I felt no different - she was mine the minute she was conceived!!

Of course, then the state of California sent me a new birth certificate (even though I didn't request one, because they put both of our names on the original!) and they had REMOVED my wife's name from it. So we have 3 versions - her as the "mother"/me as the "father" - me as the "mother"/no "father" and Me as the "mother" her and "father"...

Bravo! Love the structure of this story and the reprisal of "Are you ready. . ." Beautiful ending, and you totally get a click from me on the Mommy Blog front; I'll try to remember to come back every twenty-four hours. Congrats!

I'm visiting your blog for the first time and enjoyed reading this very much - congratulations on the wonderful news you received in the mail (even if it only made something official that was already there;))

This brought a tear to my eye-you're right, being a mom is so much more than a birth certificate with your name printed on it. Tracy was a mom from the get-go from the day she passed you the artichoke jar. The video was great, by the way! You're a beautiful family.

Oh that was so beautiful! Congrats on the legal title that she already held in all of your hearts. This was just the post I needed to read tonight after having a tough day. I can go to sleep with a smile now. Thanks :)

Congratulations. So pleased for all three of you that your family is finally officially recognised. This is a beautifully written post and makes me so grateful for our situation in that, when our twins come along in July, my wife will be considered their parent from birth and will go on the birth certificate when we register it, the same time I will. I guess the UK is ahead of the game in some ways and that makes us fortunate. X

That's awesome Laura! Had we used a sperm bank we would have had that option as well but since we used a known donor we couldn't legally put my wife's name on the birth certificate. We'll have to order a new one now though!

Your story makes me really happy - for both of you moms and for Mac, to be so loved. Here's another version of that parenting story: http://mannahattamamma.com/2011/08/whose-family-values-are-they-anyway-happy-adoption-day/