Happy new year to me..ok so 2014 na and what has changed, nothing. Eto umiiyak pa din ako out of deep frustration, na hindi ko mailabas labas dahil pagmumulan pa ng mas malaking problema. Sa mga ganitong pagkakataon how I wanted to get back into the past and do things differently, do it right, coz I feel my entire married life is so wrong.

So ano problema ko ngaun? It's funny, i do not even know if it's normal. While I was watching a cartoon movie, nakita ko sya nagbbrowse ng porn, hentai para specific. Nung nakita ko inasar ko sya, i said "huy ano yan", and defensively told me na wala. I showed him his browsing history and he said it was just one of those pop up porn sites. So ok nood ako ulit but I was doing side glances, nakita ko ulit nagbbrowse sya. I sent him a message in fb na talaga lang huh, para lang mang asar. At nainis sya, sobrang defensive. Kung tutuusin wala naman sakin yun. But the fact that he made it a big deal, ano ba problema kung manood sya at makita ko db?His reaction made me realized something. Alam ko he wants to have sex with me tonight, but after that?? Iniinsulto ba nya ko? Watching porn and then fuck me??!!!! Am I not that desirable and attractive?

Bago yun violent reaction let me explain again and again. He was watching porn, I caught him, he denied it, and wants to fuck me afterwards. How does that feel?? We can watch it together then screw each other, or maybe just tell me "yeah im watching it, look closer". It could have had a huge difference.

But I was trying so hard not to say anything, kasi nga when I say something, he feels like I take control of what he is and what he does. He just doesnt accept it. And it hurts me, it's hurting me so bad. Di ba sex is one of the big factors in a successful marriage? Bakit ganun, bakit sa amin hinde. Bakit no matter how I try, I cannot seem to find real happiness. I feel like I am no one special,... Read More

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