Friday, August 2, 2013

A working mom's cry for help...

A working mom's confession: I spent the last half of yesterday alternating from a lackluster pit of despair (aka pretending I was asleep) and holding back tears of frustration (shouting at my kids). Worse still, this was the second day this week I felt like that. It's been building ever since school was out for the summer last May. And I'm wondering if anyone has any remedy for this modern mom's dilemma.

I work in a studio in my basement. I have to make the same amount of income every month in order for the bills to be paid. I love my work and have a huge list of things I want to accomplish with my career.

I have also have three kids. And those kids practice swim team every morning. And they eat snacks every 20 minutes in the living room where they are not supposed to be eating OR watching the entire Dr Who series on Netflix. And they provoke sibling fights when bored. And they want their friends to come over. And their friend needs a ride to come over. And they don't want to eat THAT cereal for breakfast. And they are riding their bikes in the street without their helmets like the Goonies. And they want to do something to make money so that they can go to CVS for the third time today to get more candy. And they need their bike chain fixed. And they need more water balloons. And they need the outside spigot turned on. And they need a towel. And they need more Bandaids. And they can't find their Crocs to go to the pool. And they can't EVER do anything FUN like go to Chuck-E-Cheese, or bowling, or The Beach Waterpark, or Kings Island, or Go Carting. And I can't cook something for dinner that DOESN'T include vegetables. And they need to read their books instead of play video games.

I really can't take it any more. I love my kids. I even like them. They're smart and fun and want to do things that are creative and clever. And I have to say "no" all the time when really, I'd love to say "Yes! Let's work on your sewing. Yes! Let's build a rocket. Yes! Let's fix your bike. Yes! Let's go to the pool and have fun this afternoon...." But I can't. I can't do anything with them when I'm trying to work. I've spent the entire summer with one foot in my office and one foot in my car driving the kids somewhere. It's worn me so raw. It makes me angry and frustrated that I can't be the mom I want to be OR the business woman I want to be. I want them back in school so badly and I feel guilty that I'm not enjoying every precious day with people who will be gone from me in a matter of years. I'm afraid they might only remember angry mom, and not a wonderful, loving, nurturing mom.

My life is taking more from me than I have to give. I know that it's my choice to do these things. I don't know how to join those two loves in a way that is amenable to everyone. So I ask this serious question. How do you do it?