Ape S**t – “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes” review

It’s cliched world-gone-mad in the latest Planet of the Apes.

Perhaps The Simpsons said it best, when Troy McClure starred in the musical Stop the Planet of the Apes, I Want to Get Off! By that point, the magic of the original film had long since been tarnished by its sequels — there were four of them — which came fast and furious, each more middling than the last as the creation of this new ape world order was explained by way of a time paradox that put the notion of “the chicken or the egg” to shame.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

I’ve no issue with Hollywood attempting to tell the PotA story from a different, more plausible point of view. With 2011’s Rise of the Planet of the Apes, director Rupert Wyatt did just that, eking out an emotionally resonant tale of a scientist (James Franco) and Caesar (Andy Serkis, in motion-capture mode), the genetically modified, super-intelligent ape he inadvertently gives rise to. You could forgive the artificial feel of the CGI apes (nothing will ever replace the sheer ingenuity of the original’s makeup) because the core story clutched at the viewer’s emotions as tightly as a hungry chimp clutches a banana.

The sequel, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (), directed by Matt Reeves, also grips you, but this time in the jaws of boredom. The CGI has improved, the robust action set-pieces are outsized — both a byproduct of an increased budget — but the movie is written as though clichés were the stuff of Oscar gold.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Ten years have passed and an unimaginable number of intelligent monkeys are doing their business in the Muir Woods, where they’ve displayed talent for grand architectural design. When humans — most of whom were killed by the same man-made virus that allowed the monkeys to evolve — reemerge, battle lines are drawn. Who do you think comes out on top? (Hint: “Planet of the Humans” has no zing.) The movie strives for sociological depth in the peace-loving Caesar’s somber realization that not all apes are good and not all humans are bad. A spider monkey could have written a less obvious screenplay.

Dawn exists solely as a plot mover: it needs to force its major players into position for what is currently known on IMDB as Untitled Planet of the Apes Sequel, a title I pray they keep. Eventually, apes will prevail, develop British accents, and clothe themselves in drab-colored leisure suits. Then, Charlton Heston (or maybe Mark Wahlberg) will arrive from the past to bark that now-legendary imperative, “Get your hands off of me, you damn, dirty ape.”

In 1968, the sight of marauding, talking simians on horseback, wrangling humans, was the stuff of which a 10-year-old’s science fiction dreams are made. It was evolution upended, a Darwinian practical joke. But with the Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, the joke’s on us.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (rated PG-13 for violence but no monkey business) is now playing at area theaters.

Randy Shulman is Metro Weekly's Publisher and Editor-in-Chief. He can be reached at rshulman@metroweekly.com.

Lets be honest here. There are more holes in this plot line than holes in your older brothers socks! This film is 50/50 on the entertainment level and is lazy with the so called CGI – which imho tried too hard to do things on the cheap that could have been done with latex and makeup. Glad I watched the torrent and did not pay a cent for this except the cost of the electricity to power the computer, modem and tv! The movies from the big companies these days are just cash cows and have little in the way of true originality or inspiration.

Just watched this movie. I loved the first one but this one was explosion after fkin explosion with machine guns every 5 minutes. How old is that? How about some story instead of a fkin explosion every 5 minutes. Hell why not some car chases to really fk it up for part 3?

Terrible movie with so many plot holes…. How were there suddenly 10’000’s of apes after only 10 years? It snows in San Francisco in winter and the apes hadn’t thought about wearing coats? That’s just bizarre. Also why live in the trees, wouldn’t it have made more sense to make basic houses…. On top of this they are able to understand complex weaponry, read, write and drive a tank?

i dont undestand why people love this so much, it was boring and predictable as fuck, all the characters are black and white clichés, you got 2 leaders on both sides trying to do good, whos plans get thwarted by 2 assholes on both sides and then it all goes to shit as expected even the dialogues were predictable.

it wasn’t a good film it was boring and very crap the fundamental problem with the so called great story is its too human if this film was about a human dictator taking power that would make sense but as the world is today you make crap the stupid will celebrate you so if u paid money to see this ask yourself will you remember this film in six months if you say yes then you are one of those the world needs to forget, stop making these crap ape movies spend some money on a new story with un-human like themes.

…really embarrassed to say that i took my nephew to this… we have completely different tastes in movies, but both agreed that this was by far the worst movie we’ve ever seen in a movie theatre…. 2 hours and 10 minutes we’ll never get back.

Metro Weekly? More like Stupid Weekly! Am I right, guys? #owned #burn #otherwords
Seriously, though, I’m surprised how much this reviewer disliked the film. I can understand maybe not thinking it was the best, but that anyone can call this film cliched or a simple plot mover is a bit off to me.

Have you heard the infinite monkey theorem? If a monkey sits at a typewriter for an infinite amount of time, eventually it will replicate the entire works of Shakespeare. Well, I think a monkey wrote this review. Either that or I reckon the reviewer thought up the ‘Ape S**t’ title before he’d watched the film and was so pleased with it that he just pretended not to like it so that he could use it. Then again, maybe I’m a monkey ooooooh ooooooh ah ah!!!!

obviously we know the Apes win, but this movie is showing how the Apes win…which we never saw in the Original movies. Unless you really think “Battle” was enough information to explain how the entire Earth came to be ruled by Apes.

Such a stupid reviewer! I’m sure he lost his job and decided to earn some extra money by writing part-time movie review. Unfortunately, that turns out to be an epic fail! I have a piece of advise for you. Next time when you write, keep in mind that your review will be reviewed by the users. This is the era of social networking. ;-)

I can’t believe these comments. The writer is actually on point! Rise of Planet of the Apes was emotionally gripping, unique, a fantastic movie!!! Conversely, Dawn oPotA is only decent. Special effects are great, but the plot pulls you along and there is no connection with the characters or sit-at-the-edge of your seat moments. It was unbelievably cliché, like your run of the mill X-Men movie.

Another trash loser critic once again the people speak by shear numbers and the critics sit with thier thumbs up thier butt praying for another broke back mountain…. This movie was entertaining evoked emotion and what the critic failed to realize…just because they were made intelligence doesn’t mean it just wipes out millions of years of evolution and communal living..dear critic…your a loser and your only meager contribution to the world is absolutely nothing ahh the critic…the DJ of the movie world no real talent yet inexplicably you get work

Easily the best film of this summer!!! Ten out of ten! I can’t remember the last time I left a film feeling so completely entertained! Trust me…go and watch it…you won’t know what hit you as you leave the theater!!!