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my journey as a twinless twin

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Grief for Dummies

(Your Thing) for Dummies
By now I think I probably am an expert on this subject.
1. You can’t avoid grief. You can choose to run from grief (and many people do) but it will follow you. I’m my experience it’s better to open the door to grief and just accept that it will be a part of you forever.
2. Time does heal. It seems like such a cliche but it does. Oh the scar will be there forever and will get ripped off and heal over many times over but the pain does lessen.
3. Your triggers won’t be the same triggers as others. I have a hard time going to the hospital. I can’t go to the place where it happened. My parents don’t have the same reaction because they weren’t there with us.
4. You can’t force someone to feel what you feel and they will probably never understand what you feel. I learned this one the hard way. Just because you grow up in the same family doesn’t mean you will feel the same. Everyone’s relationship is different. My Dad wouldn’t talk about Janet but I came to realize that is was because the pain was just too raw for him. He loved her and missed her in his own way.
5. Some friends will leave when the going gets tough–let them. If someone isn’t going to support you they shouldn’t be in your life.
6. You will learn how to do things you never thought you could. You will become self-reliant because you have to.
7. You will learn how to evade the truth when people ask how you are. This one doesn’t happen all the time for me because I wear my emotions on my sleeve but for some people it does.
8. People will say stupid things to you. In their way they are being kind. Sometimes it’s important to let them know, sometimes it’s not. You’ll learn which is which.
9. You will join a club you don’t want to belong to. But that club will grow. Those people understand and they will support you.