Robbie Williams last night lept to defend the video of his latest single, a duet with Gary Barlow called, something or other (we forget), and asked for calm, stating that the video wasn’t in fact “ironic, in an ironic way” and that the video was “only gay”.

In a heartfelt press conference while on his way to getting papped while doing something menial, Robbie said: “What had been intended as a self-serving exercise in proving we’re still relevant had led some people to believe that we were making fun of ourselves, or being “ironically ironic”.

He went on to add “Since neither is the case, I can confirm that the video is just us two being two gay fags in, double-denim, giving each other the reach around. We don’t like each other, it was just sex and we both need a boost. I don’t know what all the fuss is about, really.”