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Searching For Deborah Winger, My Day, and My Dream Analysis Program

Searching for Deborah WingerSearching for Deborah Winger is a series of interviews by Rosanna Arquette with 27 fellow actresses who share words of wisdom, hilarious comments and admissions about balancing their careers with their personal lives.

You must see this documentary, well. if you're anything like me. A woman, a mother, an actor who has hit forty and is facing the reality of trying to juggle all of this and still work, work in an industry that worships youth and youthful beauty. I want to sit down with all of these women who I admire so much and chat with them. Watching this documentary is the next best thing. Knowing that Vanessa Redgrave, Jane Fonda, Deborah Winger, Holly Hunter, Roseanna Arquette, Patricia Arquette, Alfre Woodard, Teri Garr, Salma Hayek, Meg Ryan, Robin Wright Penn, Daryl Hannah, Jobeth Williams, Tracey Ullman, Laura Dern, Whoopi Goldberg, Melanie Griffith, Kelly Lynch, Juliana Margulies, Julia Ormond, Sharon Stone, Samantha Mathis, Martha Plimpton, Ally Sheedy, Charlotte Rampling, sigh, Frances McDormand, double sigh, with all their success are struggling with so many of the same issues that I am feels good. It's comforting to know that I'm in such good company. And they're all talking about passion and the downside of studio suits wanting mature actresses to be fuckable, their fuckability being this super important deciding factor in whether they will work or not.

"Intelligence, talent, imagination, bravery, skill -- when you eliminate all of those things, what have you got?'' -- Martha Plimpton "Fuckability?" -- Ally Sheedy

"Longevity is everything." -- Whoopi Goldberg

I really like seeing all of these important working women without their highly stylized makeup and wardrobe. I mean here is Gwyneth Paltrow talking about how much she loves her job and her hair looks really average and normal, and she has zits, lots of them. It makes me feel so good to know that this actor whose work I like, but whose celebrity presentation is all about extreme beauty and glam and perfection with the macrobiotic diet and the yoga, she looks normal and shitty like I do, like everyone else does.

"So what if I have to play an aunt. Aunts fuck, grandma's fuck, everybody fucks." -- Whoopi Goldberg

I'm so excited that I've been invited to participate in an art card deck by a woman, an artist, whose work I respect and that if we cross our fingers will get published and sold. I received my card in the mail today and mine is the nine of clubs. I get to do whatever I want with this card. The only rule I have to adhere to is that I somehow keep the nine and a club of some sort in the upper left and lower left hand corners. This card seems so small for everything I want to do with it.

Beau and I finally gave up on our AT&T cell phones with the hiss and the cutting out. They were so cute with their flashing rainbow keypads and the customizable faceplates, it was fun, but screw em. So we're going to eat it on the contracts and we've switched to Verizon and got the latest phone that captures poor quality pictures and sends them.

"We do tend to be empathic people, we care about others, we observe others, we care." -- Jane Fonda

You should see this enormous line of vitamins I line up every day in front of my keyboard wrist cushion. I feel good about taking them, it's a challenge, such a challenge. But I keep hoping they're helping me in some way. I know that without them things get very weird here in my body. My hands tingle, I feel weak, I get sores in the corner of my mouth. So they must be helping in some way.

"It's a really scary place, to be out there as a sexualized woman. Because you take so many hits from men and from women." -- Meg Ryanupdates on ebay

I feel accomplished today. My car has been stuffed with these big plastic garbage bags filled with dry cleaning and laundry for weeks. We had to get them dropped off so we could make room to stuff the car again with all of the boxes we have been sorting out from the garage. We have to empty the garage if we are going to remodel it and turn it into a mini art studio workout space. So we went to our storage facility and got a bigger space and began moving things over from the smaller one.

Later I came home and walked the dogs when I felt too tired to do it, and that felt good. Now I'm tired and I've eaten too much cheese and all I want to do is lay down and sleep. But there is always so much more to do.

God, I want to make documentaries. I want to act, I want to do stand-up, I want to create art, and I want to mother my son and mother more children and all of our pets. And I want to be beautiful and fuckable no matter what age I am.

"God, when you get it right, and you hit that mark and it works, it's like a plane taxiing and taking off and you become and you're in love with the other actor or actress and it's better than anything, better than any lovemaking, and that's what is so great about this profession, and so hard on the nerves, and that's why I decided to get out and go find my own circle of light." -- Jane Fonda

"We're all asking how do we keep ourselves open how do we feel safe when there is so much fear?" -- Laura Dern

I ran my dream of a couple of days ago, the one where my car was driving itself, almost off of a cliff, and where I was trying to save some animals but my car was crushed by another car, through my dream program, and it was very helpful. It suggested that I am preoccupied with a new journey I am taking, that I am preoccupied with a business dealing, and that I can use my drive and ambition to take me to my chosen destination. It suggested that I need to take control of this project and that I have a fear of losing control. It told me to work on replacing my negative self talk with positive thoughts and ideas. The broken glass in my car represents change. The cat reflects the warm nurturing side of myself or may suggest my own need for nurturing. It suggested that I am feeling restricted and constrained in my expression of my creativity and that I should give my impulsive or artistic side more free reign. It also suggested that the link between my instinct and my ability to take action is weak and this will be helped by listening to my gut feelings more often. All in all a pretty dead on reading of just what I've been feeling and going through. Dreams and dream analysis just simply fascinate me.

All right well, night, night, everybody. I have to get up super early tomorrow to hit my favorite swapmeet. I'm going bargain hunting for things to resell on eBay and looking for things to add to my growing collection of art imagery, old postcards, paper ephemera and vintage candid photos, things that inspire me. I love this swap meet, it's always so much fun to go and I get to see all of my friends and they get to see my shrinking me.