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So, let me keep it a buck, son. If I was worth $137 billion, I wouldn’t risk half of that for some “not my wife” box, man. I mean, COTDAMN, fam! Jeff Bezos was out here wilin’, bruh! Now, to be honest, there are a lot of conflicting stories in these streets. All I know is, Bezos is getting divorced and he was doing some inappropriate shit with another woman. The way I see it, he better pray that his soon-to-be ex-wife doesn’t take him to the cleaners, folks.

Ok, for those who missed it, Jeff Bezos, the ungodly rich CEO of Amazon, is getting divorced from his wife, MacKenzie Bezos. Now, allow me to put some of the ramifications in perspective, son. So, the couple got married in 1993. Bezos started Amazon in 1994. They never signed a prenuptial agreement and they got married in Seattle, Washington. Meaning, MacKenzie may be entitled to half of his money. Furthermore, half of $137 billion is roughly $67 billion. Anyway, if this were to happen, MacKenzie would automatically become the fifth richest person in the world. Like, sheesh, man!

In any case, the previous paragraph alone is worthy enough to be a story, fam. However, shit gets even murkier, bruh. Apparently, Bezos was also fraternizing with a woman who was not his wife. To make matters worse, this outside woman, Lauren Sanchez, is also married. According to the story, it was Sanchez’ husband who discovered that the affair was happening. Shit, it appears that Bezos was talking brazy about sex in some text messages and even sent some wild selfies. Like, could Bezos be any more reckless, son? All in all, Amazon can’t deliver him out of this predicament, man.

In the end, this has to be the most expensive affair ever, fam. To be fair, “sources” close to the Bezos family are claiming that Jeff and MacKenzie were separated before he started dealing with Sanchez. All I can say is, if my signature isn’t on some divorce documents, I’m not willing to risk it, bruh. Ultimately, losing half of a fortune has GOTTA hurt, son. Then again, I can’t really cry for a dude who’ll still be one of the five wealthiest people, man. *Sigh* Can I just hold a billion, Jeff? Just one? Thanks in advance. LC out.

So, someone is going to prison, son. Specifically, Paul Manafort and Michael Cohen are most likely going to prison, son. All I know is, Robert Mueller ain’t playing with these motherfuckers out here, man. Shit, in one day, both Manafort and Cohen took massive L’s in the court of law. Now, regardless of what Donald Trump would like us to think, he’s in a world of shit, fam. Look, Manafort’s guilt might not rattle him, but Cohen’s guilt must be keeping him up at night.

Ok, for those who missed it, shit got real yesterday. To begin, Paul Manafort, Trump’s former campaign chairman, was found guilty on eight counts of tax and bank fraud. Basically, Manafort had been doing all manner of fuckery with his money, unbeknownst to the government. Now, that in and of itself would’ve been huge news, bruh. However, shit got even realer when Michael Cohen, Trump’s former lawyer, pleaded guilty to tax evasion, falsifying submissions to a bank and campaign finance violations.

Now, allow me to go into more detail about that last charge, son. Look, this is where shit gets murky for Trump, man. Essentially, Cohen admitted, under oath, that he unlawfully used money to pay off women for Trump. Even worse, he asserted that he did it at Trump’s request. So, Cohen definitively implicated the fucking President in a series of crimes, fam. *Sigh* What a day, bruh. What a fucking day.

Look, the way I see it, Cohen’s guilt is way more consequential than Manafort’s. As of right now, Manafort’s issues fall squarely on Manafort. But, Cohen’s issues go way beyond the man himself. Hell, the dude is out here saying that he has proof that the Leader of the Free World is a fucking criminal, son. I mean, what else needs to be said here, man? How much more tomfoolery has to occur before the GOP disavows Trump, fam? For God‘s sake, enough is enough, bruh. Trump is making a fucking mockery of his office, brethren.

In the end, it looks like Manafort and Cohen have respective dates with the Booty Warrior. Ultimately, prison is never worth all of the nonsense, son. By and by, there’s no going back now, man. We all need to see where this Mueller investigation goes. At the end of the day, this shit is off to a fiery start, fam. That is all. LC out.

P.S. Everyone needs to familiarize themselves with The Boondocks in order to understand the name of this post. Frankly, “A Date with the Booty Warrior” is one of the greatest episodes of any show ever. Shout-out to Aaron McGruder, bruh. Good day.

*Sigh* Fuckery like this is why I box, son. I mean, it’s much better for me to hit a heavy bag than hit a stupid person, man. On the real, it’s truly frustrating to watch Donald Trump and company just mangle information, fam. Like, Trump invented the phrase “fake news,” but literally EVERYTHING that comes out of his mouth is a GROSS inaccuracy. Case in point, his take on the unemployment numbers of Black Americans. All in all, if anyone actually believes that Trump is responsible for our progress, then they’re more fraudulent than Melania Trump‘s work visa.

Ok, for those who missed it, Trump is engaged in a feud with Jay-Z. Now, Hov recently did an interview with Van Jones on CNN. This was part of Jones’s new show, the Van Jones Show. In any case, while speaking about a variety of topics, Trump’s name came up. As expected, Jay criticized 45 for his consistent nonsense. Furthermore, during a convo about unemployment, Hov said that “money doesn’t equate to happiness” and that the President fails to treat people like human beings. With all of that being said, Trump reacted as expected and let the guns go on Twitter. In a response to Jay, Trump claimed that Black unemployment is at an all-time low and we should all be thanking him.

Now, is Trump correct? Is Black unemployment at an all-time low? Well, at 6.8%, Black unemployment is the lowest it’s been in nearly five decades. Anyway, does Trump deserve credit for that? FUCK NO, SON! Good fucking Lord, is the GOP going to keep pretending like Barack Obama didn’t exist? Look, back in 2010, Black unemployment was at 16.8%. Over the next seven years, the rate consistently declined. As a matter of fact, by the time Trump entered the White House, the rate was already down to 7.8%. Meaning, during Obama’s presidency, the percentage went down by 9 points. So, Trump had literally NOTHING to do with the downward trend, man! Real talk, he doesn’t get to claim Obama’s progress, fam! Fuck ALL of that, bruh!

In the end, I have nothing else to say, son. Ultimately, I’m just tired of all of the political bullshit, man. Keeping it a buck, the only reason shit like this bothers me is because there are hoards of people who don’t know any better. Frankly, they just take anything Trump says as gospel. By and by, change will never be made in this country because truth is no longer a real concept. At the end of the day, it’s all about who can spin their story better. *Sigh* Sometimes, I just hate everything and everyone, fam. That is all. LC out.

So, I won’t lie, son. I can already see some of the angry responses I might get for this post, man. However; I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t keep it a buck, fam. Look, Oprah Winfrey don’t need to be the damn President, bruh! In fact, NO celebrity needs to be the President, people! Listen, even though I believe Donald Trump is insane, I also believe he’s shown us that we need experience in the Oval Office. Shit, I can’t even be a computer repairman without some experience. With that being said, why should we shirk credibility for the highest job in the land?

Ok, before I continue, let me make one thing clear, son. On the real, I have nothing against Oprah, man. I mean, her influence in media goes without saying. So, there’s no way I can hate on anyone who’s accomplished as much as she has. However; what the fuckity-fuck does Oprah know about government, fam? Look, we’re not talking about the community board, fam. We’re talking about President of the United States! Real talk, when did it become cool for a novice to be the most powerful person in the world? I swear, Trump has truly, TRULY ruined politics, bruh.

Look, let’s be honest for a second, folks. Celebrities are only talking about running because the bar has been lowered. Hell, I’m sure the average celeb believes they’re more sane than Trump, so that means they could hold office. However; President Orange was never qualified in the first place, son. So, he should NEVER be a comparison point for any of these other famous people. With that being said, Oprah isn’t qualified to be President, The Rock isn’t qualified to be President and neither is Kanye West. For the love of God, please leave our elected offices to people who have at least ran a district before! All in all, the madness needs to stop, man!

In the end, can we chill with the shenanigans, fam? Ultimately, car salesmen don’t need to build cars and television personalities don’t need to be President. By and by, Oprah has all of the power in the world and can pull the strings behind the scene. That doesn’t mean she has the first clue about how to run the country. All I know is, she helped Barack Obama and she can help another qualified candidate. Now, if she wants to join local politics and then move up, I can jive with that. However; the White House off the rip? No thanks. LC out.

So, I would like to welcome everybody back to the Twilight Zone. This is a place where the newly sworn-in President of the United States makes his Press Secretary argue with the media about inauguration attendance. This is also a place where the President’s Senior Adviser gets on NATIONAL TELEVISION and speaks about “alternative facts.” Son, what fucking planet are we living on right now? Outside of the fact that Donald Trump’s administration is already spreading egregious falsehoods, we’re also witnessing something extremely dangerous. Trump is essentially trying to set up an America where no one can question his moves. Shit, our country is already starting to look like Communist Russia, man. Everyone needs to get ready.

First off, let’s start with Sean Spicer, son. Out of all of the things the new Press Secretary could’ve talked about in his first press conference, he decided to speak on inauguration numbers. Once the Trump administration got wind of the fact that the media was ACCURATELY reporting how many people showed up to the event, Trump’s goons went on the offensive. It’s now widely known that the crowd size for Trump’s inauguration paled in comparison to both of Barack Obama’s inaugurations. However; in the grand scheme of things, none of this actually matters, son. Trump is still the President, regardless of how many people came to Washington, D.C. to celebrate. With that being said, Trump STILL sent Spicer to the podium to argue about how many people came to the party. Spicer even said that Trump had “the largest audience to ever witness an inauguration, period.” I mean, as we can clearly tell, facts don’t matter, son (word to Desus Nice). C’mon son, who’s got time for evidence and proof in the first place, right?

Next, let’s talk about Kellyanne Conway. In the wake of Spicer’s meltdown, the new Senior Adviser decided to plead her team’s case on Meet the Press with Chuck Todd. Now, when Todd confronted Conway about the tomfoolery of Spicer’s press conference, she gave one of the most confusing rebuttals I’ve ever heard in my entire life. While speaking about Spicer’s BLATANTLY inaccurate statements, Conway said that he was just presenting “alternative facts.” Alternative facts? What? What?! WHAT?!? Good fucking Lord, son! Is that what we’re doing now? Instead of just saying that someone lied, we’re saying that they’ve provided alternative facts? Shit, can that defense be used in court? If my wife caught me cheating, could I tell her that I was just helping the other woman verify if her birth control worked? I mean, those are alternative facts, right? What the fuck are we talking about here? How is this acceptable, man? We really have to deal with these exorbitant lies for the next four years? Who will survive in America, son?

Look, all jokes aside, we’re in a bad place right now. Trump’s administration is already setting the stage to eliminate all dissenting voices. They’re trying to regulate everyone’s narrative and attack anyone who dares to say something different. Even when individuals have FACTS on their side, Trump is using officials as a weapon to intimidate anyone who opposes him. I know there’s been a lot of talk about Trump’s relationship with Vladimir Putin, but controlling the media is ACTUALLY something that Putin does. Our country is already being turned into Mother Russia, son. At this rate, I wouldn’t be surprised if Trump somehow made it illegal to say anything against him. These are truly scary times, man. Scary times indeed.

In the end, I don’t know, son. I still can’t believe this is our reality, man. I’d like to thank the Swing States for destroying America. When World War III occurs and those folks are laying in a sea of rubble, I hope they know they probably won’t have any healthcare to help them out. Dumbasses. I’m gone.

To begin, I know exactly what the point of the Electoral College is. However; as this recent election, along with the 2000George W. Bush–Al Gore race, has shown us, this system is fucking bullshit, man! As it currently stands, Hillary Clinton has amassed 62.8 million votes across the country. In comparison, Donald Trump has pulled in 61.5 million total votes. Now, despite securing well over a million more votes than Trump, Clinton somehow lost the election by 74 projected electoral votes (306 to 232). Based on this result, on December 19th, the actual Electoral College is supposed to vote and confirm Trump’s presidency. So, let me get this straight, son. This woman could literally have a million MORE people on her side and still get trounced in the race? If that ain’t a sign that the Electoral College needs to go, we all must be wrong about simple mathematics, man.

Now, for those who don’t understand the Electoral College, I’ll try to give a little bit of background. I’m not going to go balls deep into the issue, but I’d like to give some insight on its purpose. So, the idea is, the Senate, the House of Representatives and three additional electors from Washington, D.C. vote for who will ultimately become the President and the Vice President. The way this vote works, all states, except for Maine and Nebraska, vote in a “winner-take-all” manner. Meaning, if a candidate has the most general election votes in a particular state, the electors from that state give all of their votes to that candidate. In addition, the number of electors per state depends on the population of that state. This is why states like New York, California, Florida and Texas have a shit-ton of electors.

With all of that being said, this system is fucking broken, son! First, the founding fathers put this system in place because they did NOT want the popular vote to choose the president. That’s a major red flag, man. Way to circumvent the will of the people, douchebags! Second, this system gives way too much power to “swing states.” Every four years, we can basically guess how most of the country will behave. California will most likely be a blue state, while Texas will most likely be a red state. Meaning, places like fucking Ohio and Iowa ultimately have the upper hand on who will win the election. Look, son, maybe it’s just me, but a couple of random states shouldn’t have that much fucking influence. If the overall country is leaning towards a particular candidate, why should we all have to suffer because a few states in the Midwest decided to do some fuck shit? It doesn’t make any sense, man! More Americans wanted Clinton as our president, bro. I don’t give a flying fuck about what people in Michigan are thinking. These swing states ruined it for all of us, son!

Ultimately, I could keep going with my Electoral College hate fest. However; I should probably get back to work. I need to make sure I acquire as much funds as possible, son. I damn sure ain’t gonna be broke during the revolution, bro. All I know is, Donald Trump ain’t my president, man. Tell his supporters to come and get me. Good day.

P.S. It’s funny, as in not funny, how Trump now praises the Electoral College after calling it a disaster back in 2012. I guess it’s only “genius” when it benefits him instead of a Black man. That is all.