Don’t Compare Your Beginning to Someone Else’s Middle

When you’re at the beginning of trying to achieve goals, it’s easy to get overwhelmed and disheartened by the progress of others.

When I first made the decision to change financial habits it wasn’t easy. After years of over spending and not giving too much thought to the value of things, these habits were extremely hard to break.

I started off cutting back on the small stuff like the weekend trip to Starbucks and the occasional trip to the cinema. Stuff like this gave us instant results and more cash in our pockets.

Then I started to cut back on the bigger stuff such as walking into town instead of catching the bus (I’d got rid of the car months before), and getting rid of our paid TV subscription.

We thought we were doing really well and making steady progress, until I started going online to see what other people were doing to cut back and spend less. I’ve got to admit, I was gobsmacked.

There were people who, in the same predicament as us, had decided to take control of their finances and find ways of reducing their spending. And oh boy had they reduced it!

From saving £1,000s per year to reducing their outgoings to a bare minimum; these people came across as superhuman. How did they manage to clear all this debt? Not only that but the way they had reduced their outgoings was also a force to behold.

Reducing their food bill by 75%; re-mortgaging their house so the repayments were £150 less a month, and renegotiating most if not all of their insurances, subscriptions, and memberships by a substantial amount.

I was in total shock and if I’m honest extremely green with envy. There was me making the decision to brake the bad financial habits of a lifetime and thinking I was getting somewhere, only to come across people who has far exceeded what I had achieved.

It made me want to give up and not even bother trying to change. Why should I when compared to these people who made cutting back their outgoings seem like a piece of cake? I felt like all the hard work I had done to get us out of this mess had been pointless when compared to these other people.

I was despondent and lost any enthusiasm I’d originally had. I felt like this for a few days and then something hit me.

I woke up and logged online to the forums where I had come across these others that were so far ahead of me and reached out to them.

Picking out two or three people, I messaged them privately and asked for advice.

I explained my situation and was upfront in telling them about how I had seen how far they had come compared to how little I had achieved.

I didn’t hear back from anyone straightaway, but when I did, the reply changed my complete outlook.

The person who had emailed me was a super saver. Over the course of 18 months he had managed to wipe 60% of his debt and reduce his outgoings substantially.

“And this my dear boy, is where your problem lies” he wrote.

Don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle

As I read these words everything fell into place. Here was me ready to throw in the towel because I felt I wasn’t achieving the results like others had, when actually I was doing just fine.

All this time I had been focused on others and how they were reaching their goals, that I missed the reason for this.

These other people had been at the exact same stage as me when they started their journey, but these same people had gotten through this stage as were a lot further down the line than me.

They were in the middle of their journey, whereas I was just beginning.

Take a few seconds to think about this.

Whatever you are doing in life it’s so easy to be caught up in someone else’s journey.

I know I did when I first set out to take control of our financial situation. I put so much effort into comparing my situation to others that it started to consume me.

Only when I started concentrating on my own journey did I see huge results. I still look to others for inspiration and guidance but that’s where it stops.

Good luck with whatever you are starting to aim for and achieve. You will get there, whatever it is and hopefully I’ll meet you somewhere along the way.

Hey Tom, thanks my friend. I really believe if you have a chance in life (whatever it is) you should grab it with both hands and go for it. Even it you are unsure of what you are doing it doesn’t matter. You can just learn as you go.

Great post and thank you for sharing that sage advice. It’s easy to get envious of people that seem to be easily better at something but we don’t know how long it’s taken them to get there or how they felt when they were slogging away.

I used to be so envious of people but once you see the bigger picture, you can then move forward without doubt. So many people in the world on so many journeys. We’re all individual and it would be wrong to try and compare anyone else to yourself.

You have an amazing gift for often writing just what I need to hear. Most of the bloggers I follow are well out of debt and onto saving and investing, and like you did, I often feel like throwing in the towel, as we are only a year and a half into our debt payoff journey and have a long way to go. Thank you for helping me to see that the only one I need to compare myself to is myself!

Hi Laurie, thank you for your wonderful comment. When you’re in the thick of any situation it’s easy to want to throw in the towel. I’m glad the quote in the post had the same effect on you as it did me. Good luck 😀

Absolutely true Ricky, I think this happens more with our parents than with anyone else. We grow up thinking we deserve a certain “norm” but it took our parents 30 years to build their finances up! When I compare myself to where my parents started from I see that I am extremely blessed!

Thanks FI, my parents sadly passed away when I was 18 but growing up I felt I had everything I needed. As I got older though, I looked back to my childhood and realised we had very little. I suppose what I’m trying to say is, it’s only when we start comparing ourselves to others do we start to think we should be doing better, when in fact, we are all just doing fine. Thanks for your comment 🙂

Thanks Kate. We all have a case of comparison-itis somewhere along our journey and as long as you re-assess and realise you’re doing just fine, then moving forward and in the right direction will become easier and easier 🙂

I really like this. I instantly thought of some of those house hunting shows on TV where the people want their first house to be as elaborate as the house it took their parents 40 years to acquire. Young people today seem to think they should not have to wait for anything.

This is so true, most of the time people see someone’s story and think it’s such a great idea that they want to follow but since they are a number of steps behind they get intimidated and don’t want to start. People need to remember that they aren’t racing other people that have already started, they are racing themselves. If they can improve upon themselves they will be much better off.

Found this article from Rockstar finance and I understand what you are saying. I am in the beginning of my journey as well and have a lot of debt to pay and skills to learn. I think we can all learn new skills from each other, but there isn’t a purpose in comparing how much net worth someone has to yourself, or where their debt levels are at compared to your own… But HOW they are achieving the investing and paying off debt and those sort of things can provide very useful tools.

This is absolutely where I’m at right now. I recently started blogging, and although I’ve made what I consider to be pretty good progress, I often find myself looking at other bloggers’ success and wondering how they’re doing it.

Of course, the answer is that they’ve been doing it for a lot longer. I recently had my eyes opened to this fact when you recommended that I read Ruth Soukup’s “How To Blog For Profit”. She also mentions that you shouldn’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle. And it makes perfect sense.

I still have to remind myself of this fact, and I think it’s normal to look at the success of others with tinted green eyes. I do feel that it’s something that could ultimately lead to you abandoning your goals, and that’s why I intend to remind myself of this wonderful quote every day. Who knows, maybe someone will read this post once I’m in MY middle and wonder how I did it!