Jeremy Kyle reunites adopted snow leopard with biological parents

Talk show host and professional chav-baiter, Jeremy Kyle, has used his daytime TV programme to arrange an emotional reunion between an adopted six year-old snow leopard and its biological parents.

Simba the snow leopard was adopted as a cub by the Maddock family from Altrincham, after they fell for a WWF advertising campaign. The family were surprised when a courier delivered Simba to their home shortly after their first £3 monthly payment had cleared, but have since been raising him as if he were their own child.

‘When we saw that you could adopt a snow leopard for as little as £3 a month we decided we could spare that much because they looked so cute on the TV.’ said Russell Maddock, who Simba believed for several years was his real father until hearing the startling truth. ‘I have to admit that I thought our donations would help them to be kept safe in the wild, or maybe some sort of sanctuary, rather than us literally adopting one. But we’ve done our best to adapt and bring him up as one of our own.’

After Simba met his real parents for the first time on the inexplicably popular, car-crash TV show he admitted that he had always had suspicions that something was not quite right within his adopted family.

‘I think I always knew deep down that my parents, brother and sister weren’t quite like me.’ explained Simba, ‘I didn’t seem to share their taste in music, food or films. They didn’t seem to be as furry as me either, and I had bigger teeth. And two more legs. Now I know the truth it all makes sense.’

After the tearful reunion Simba and his new-found family celebrated being back together for the first time in years by mauling Kyle to within an inch of his life and killing two members of his production crew.