Sasha Answers: Married with a work crush

Hi Sasha, I recently started a new job which is quite time-consuming and keeps me away from home for longer than I'm used to. It just so happens that I met someone here with whom I have enormous chemistry. Chest rumbling, stomach aching, can't stop the declaration of admiration fantasies type of chemistry. In any other situation this would be completely fine, even exciting. The problem here is that I'm married, and I am in love with my husband.

I've been with my husband for nearly a decade and have no intention of ever hurting him or leaving him. I just need a suggestion about how to tame this temporary infatuation. I haven't felt that all-consuming attraction to someone since I first started dating my husband, so this is foreign and confusing to me. Do you have any ideas for how to deal with this? T

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Just because you’re married and in a committed relationship doesn’t mean that you can’t ever be enticed or tempted by another human being. I mean, if you’re looking at the same face for decades, it’s not surprising that another person might spark your interest. But goddamn T, you’ve let this spark turn into a raging bushfire.

Now look, I believe that you love your husband and want to be with him – I do – but right now that’s not really good enough. You can say that all day, every day, but it still doesn’t take away the fact that you’re starting to invest your feelings in someone else. You know it and I know it – that’s f-cked up.

So my advice to you is to do to two things: Stop and Start.

The first thing you need to do is STOP. Stop talking to him, stop looking at him, stop interacting with him. I don’t care if that makes you look like some weirdo at work - if you want to save yourself from making a ginormous life mistake, then you have to avoid this dude at all costs. The end.

The next move is to START paying attention to your marriage. While you think you’ve been doing all this emotional creeping on the sly, there’s no way your relationship with your husband hasn’t been compromised in some way. Sorry, I just don’t but that you’ve been able to remain normal while having all these hot and heavy fantasies about another guy. So, if you don’t want to royally f-ck up things up with your man, you best be kicking these thoughts to the curb.