Tough decisions that many won’t understand

There was a showdown in the Lost and Tired corral this afternoon. Gavin has been having issues throughout the day, most of which we have let slide. We did so to try and keep the peace.

Lizze nor I have the energy to deal with meltdown, if it can be avoided.

However, as we were sitting down to dinner, Lizze had asked Gavin a question. It was an it was a simple question and instead of answering her, he screamed at her.

That was it, I had run out of patience.

When we spoke with Dr. Pattie on Tuesday, we had decided that we must cracked down on his treatment of Lizze. His disrespectful attitude towards her will not be tolerated. It would be the same for any of the other boys.

Something else that Dr. Pattie mentioned was that Gavin had many qualities of a child with attachment disorder. That will be a whole other posts if anything ever comes of that.

The moment he screamed at Lizze, I pulled him aside and told him that he would be having oatmeal for dinner. I explained that we had been very patient with his behavior today but he will not disrespect his mother.
Of course, that led to a massive meltdown. Self-injury, stomping, screaming and flinging himself around, we’re all on tap.

It took Lizze and both a little while to get him to go upstairs.

At one point, as I was walking with him up the stairs, he turned to me and screamed as loud as he could, right in my face. I carefully, and I mean carefully, pinched his cheeks to stop the screaming. At this point I had to tap out and let Lizze step in because I didn’t want to lose my cool. Lizze and I always back each other up in these situations so that of one of us gets pulled in to deep we can tap out before we lose our temper. It’s worked out quite well over the years.

Eventually Gavin went to his room and we let him chill there for about 30 minutes.

The boys were visibly and understandably upset so we fed Gavin dinner, after the boys had already had a peaceful dinner.

After Gavin finished his dinner, I told him that he would not be playing with his brothers tonight and that he would need to go read his book until it was time for bed. When he was that out of control, we tend to keep him as isolated from the boys as we can, at least for a while. We just want to play things on the safe side.

Lizze and I are going to talk tonight and try and figure out a plan of attack. Something has to change and change significantly. These meltdowns are getting more and more violent. He’s also engaging in more violent play and seems to enjoy scaring his brothers.
I forgot to mention that when we picked him up from the hospital on Monday and we’re on our way home after picking up the other boys, Gavin told Elliott that the hospital tortured him.

Lizze shut him down but Gavin kept scaring Elliott. Elliott is already terrified of the hospital and doctors in general. Gavin knows this.

I fear that we have some tough decisions ahead of us.

Our love for Gavin is never in question, however, our ability to cope with his behavior much longer, is.

**Thanks for reading**

-Lost and Tired

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This was posted via WordPress for Android, courtesy of Samsung’s Galaxy S III. Please forgive any typos. I do know how to spell but auto-correct is working against me.

Take a second and answer today’s Autism Parenting poll

Does having #Autism disqualify a person from being able to vote?

Yes

No

I don't know...

it depends on your state laws and if they have been ruled incompetent via the court system. Also they can not be 'told' or influenced who to vote for.

Depends on mental capacity and if they are capable of grasping the various platforms and there effects. Most people with autism should be able to, others shouldn't

No, because un/ilinformed neurotypicals get to cast a vote without anyone questioning them.

Nope, and if it did that would be extremely ableist. Nothing About Us, Without Us!

If I did anything like that to my parents, oatmeal would be the very least of my problems. You guys should tell Gavin that if he continues to treat his mother like that, then he will have to go live somewhere else for a while. And then send him away for a week. At this point, the only thing that he will understand is if he loses his family.

Boy, I do understand. Sometimes the best deal is to be disconnected from him for a bit. As he clearly is posing a danger to himself, and probably others if he could get to them, just naybe it is time for some inpatient help. If he is able to understand that separation is a real consequence of his actions, it might do him some good. If he is not able to comprehend that, at the very least, the rest of you can catch your breath. It took a visual like that here, but I know how hard it is to make that call, to have them experience the police escort to the hospital. Broke my heart, as it will yours, cuz I know you love him, as I love mine, but, enough is enough, and the little guys have every right to experience tranquility and peace too. And, how in the world is this good for Lizzie's health? If you make the hard decision, be strong, and stay calm. Maybe this is what he needs to do. You are not giving up or abandoning him, just trying on one more level to help him. Peace to you all. Now I really better stop commenting on your stuff! I really don't know all the answers!

I can only imagine the torture this is. Jamie is violent and his meltdowns are paiinful to be in the house with. We get him throwing chairs at doors, at us, smacking us, kicking us in the face. The worst is his treatment of his brother. I feel so sorry for Iain, and it's been mentioned that Iain behaves like an abused child…..and he's 7.

I 'm scared to death what will happen as he gets older and bigger. I'm eager to see how you, Lizze, and Gavin work this out.

It didn't help he was in the hospital, so no matter how bratty he acted, everyone allowed it because he was sick, and I fully understand your wife's reluctance to punish in public. Jamie gets like that, and it takes a good week to jerk him back in line.

I think you need to look at residential treatment
It seems hard so many parents fight it.
But with a challenging child such as Gavin you can be there visit etc for the good times with him and others deal with the bad. ( it’s not a “cop out”). Some will say that but there is a time
When caring for a child becomes too much and you need to let go and believe things will even be good for Gavin and his quality of life being in an environments that can focus more on him. Not that you have not tried everything. But you have 2 other young children to deal with
I’ve see. Parents put children in group homes and be able to feel better as your time with Gavin can be positive.
I know parents presidents etc of society’s for specific disabilities have their child in care. Still advocate for them but unable to do it alone anymore
I know a family almost put their 9 year old in group home because he was hurting her other siblings.
Your not giving up by choosing residential care.

Residential care. Elliot and Emmett deserve a safe home to grow up in, and let’s face it – if Gavin can’t return to school would you like to live in hell? Just the creepy ‘Lllliiiiiiiizzzzzzzzaaaaayyyyyyyy’ crap he screams during a meltdown would have me call an exorcist. How is that good for her health? Or modifying his behavior?

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Today’s Autism Poll

Autism Parents: How much sleep do you get each night?

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Varies...Diagnosed with severe narcolepsy so sleep schedule is nuts. Up for a couple of days sometimes. Sleep standing...9 stiches in lip, broken nose/concussion from another fall. By the grace of God, my 10 yr old daughter with autism (severe) finally decided she loves to go to bed!?!? Took some work and a lot of persistence! Think I developed PTSD from her sleep habits (15+/- mins at a time). Earlier ?/past•••life before autism/epilepsy/frustration/self harm/plain ole hard as hell at times?? Miss the hell out of it. However, would I go back to that time before my precious girl?? Absolutely not! Will I have questions for God when I meet Him face to face? At least 1... Why? Why did You do that to her?

My son still hasn't slept through the night as 4.5yrs (though we are making great progress after his OSA dx and treatment). We get up every 30 min to 2hrs typically and that usually amounts to a total of 4 hours for me and 6-8hrs for him.

Not enough for nearly 30 years. respite care is good, but I feel awkward leaving her.

First 10 yrs lucky if we slept 2 hrs. Then given prozac and has slept through the night (mostly) since then. 33 now he sleeps more since we had to add seizure medicine 3 yrs ago.