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Monday, February 20, 2012

Michael Castleman - Men Fake Orgasms, Too

This seems to me to be a risk of the casual sex trend - too much to drink (or drug), the newness of the partner, or even prescription medications (like antidepressants) all can make orgasm seem unlikely or impossible.

In a committed relationship, with trust and openness, faking it should never be necessary (or even an option). A little honesty goes a long way when we are clear that it's not about our partner, but about our own exhaustion, racing mind, or lack of emotional closeness (yes, some men need this, too, to relax into sexual expression). If it is about your partner, it's time for a talk.

But when it's casual, or friends with benefits, no reason to hurt the other person's feelings, I guess.

Over the past 40 years, many surveys have asked women if they've ever faked an orgasm, and consistently, half to two-thirds (53 percent to 65 percent) have said yes they have at least once.

But men faking orgasm? That's unheard of. Well, no, not exactly. Many sex
therapists offer anecdotal reports, and a 1981 study of 280 college
students (185 women and 95 men) showed the familiar rate among women (60
percent)—and faking by 36 percent of the men. But that was the only
real study, until recently.

In 2010, researchers at the University
of Kansas asked 281 undergraduates (180 men and 101 women) to complete
an anonymous sex survey that included questions about faking orgasm.
Consistent with previous findings, two-thirds of the women (67 percent)
said they'd pretended at least once—and 28 percent of the men said the
same.

While not a nationally representative sample, the
participants included a reasonable demographic cross-section of college
students: largely white, but some Asian, Hispanic, and African-American,
and largely heterosexual, but some gay/lesbian or bi. Pretenders and
non-pretenders reported generally similar sexual experience, but the
fakers were more experienced, so they'd had more opportunities to
pretend. Fakers were also sexually more adventurous, reporting more masturbation, oral sex, and anal play.

Most faking took place in established relationships (78 percent of
the women, 53 percent of the men), but it also occurred among dating
couples (2 percent of women, 16 percent of men), friends with benefits
(10 percent and 9 percent), and casual hook-ups (10 percent, 16
percent).

No women faked it with men they'd just met, but 7 percent of the men did with new women acquaintances.

Most
faking took place during vaginal intercourse (55 percent of the women,
80 percent of the men), but some occurred during oral sex (8 percent, 11
percent), or other unspecified sexual play (37 percent, 8 percent).

Women's
pretending was rarely linked to alcohol, but men's was. Two percent of
the women had some alcohol before faking orgasm and 6 percent said they
were drunk. Meanwhile, 11 percent of the men had been drinking and 24
percent claimed they were drunk.

Faked orgasms typically involved
acting—moaning, hip thrusting, and thrashing about in an effort to fool
the partner. Young women's acting often tricks young men because guys
with limited sexual experience may not recognize the pelvic muscle
contractions of real female orgasms.

But men's orgasms produce
visible evidence, semen, so how can men fake it? Condoms are often the
key. Men thrust and moan, and then deftly discard the condom before the
women notice there's nothing in it. But the men who'd pretended didn't
always use condoms, so it seems that some college-age women are as
clueless about men's orgasms as men can be about women's. As one man
recalled about faking it: "She was like, well, did you get off? And I
was like, yeah."

They wanted to avoid hurting the partner's feelings: 69 percent and 47 percent.

They felt bored, or tired, or sleepy, or no longer in the mood for sex: 56 percent and 72 percent.

This
study confirms the previous research that a majority of women have
faked orgasm at least once, and it corroborates the one previous study
that men also fake it. Based on these two studies, it seems somewhere
between one-quarter and one-third of college-age men have faked it,
meaning that men pretend to have orgasms about half as much as women.

Have
YOU ever faked orgasm? I'm especially hoping for comments from men.
Why? And how did you explain the lack of semen? Or did you? I'm also
interested in reports of faking by people older than college age. Is
anything about faking different for older lovers?

The study: Muehlenhard, C. and S.K. Shippee. "Men's and Women's Reports of Pretending Orgasm," Journal of Sex Research (2010) 47:552.