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Saturday, May 29, 2010

Saturday is Hot and also The Douche-canoe in the Sky

I know that I'm not the Wicked Witch of the West or anything (although Oliver does sometimes think I am A witch, just maybe not THAT witch), but seriously, I was melting today. And it's only May. This does not bode well for my summer.

Other than that it's been a pretty kick ass day so far (or at least kick ass in the way that we're all still breathing, so far). I took the kids out to BFE for my niece Leni's birthday*. She's one of Connie's daughters, so we got to see the crew, except that Ella wasn't there and she's Tallulah's buddy, so she was a little bitch all day. But Oliver got to see his "brother from another mother", Morgan.Anyway, Connie's douche-canoe of an exhusband lives in Idaho or Iowa - one of those "I" states (though I think it should be Idaho, just so that he can have to say he's a Ho, because he is), and she never gets any breaks because of that, so when she asked if I could take Morgan, I volunteered to take Leni too.

Obviously, I am showing my insanity, because noone in their right mind would want 4 children** for 3 days and 2 nights, but hey..

Getting to the point though..

Leni & Tallulah were talking over dinner:

Leni: My daddy lives in the sky.

Tallulah: Awww.. He died??

Leni: No. He just lives in the sky.

Tallulah: Yeah, that's where you live when you die.

Leni: He didn't die. He just lives in the sky with God.

Tallulah: ?????

Me: He didn't die Tallulah.

Tallulah: ?????

Leni: Nope. He just lives in the sky.

For the record, the douche-canoe didn't die. He just abandoned his children. And Tallulah is probably going to need an extended discussion about the difference between Idaho (or Iowa, whatever) and Heaven.

* The whole birthday party part was not kick ass - kids birthday parties are like Chinese water torture to me - those are the parties where you really need alcohol, but it's frowned upon for some reason - stupid responsible parents. **Let me clarify, for the sensitive - people who actually have 4 children are not necessarily insane, I'm just talking about people with fewer children who volunteerily give up they're 3 day weekend to babysit.

3 comments:

Dude, you are cracking me up! I hate kids' parties where there is no booze. If I'm going to have to hang around that many kids that I didn't give birth to, someone damn well better be tapping the keg. Just sayin'.

Jennifer Juniper

I'm a moderately insane, blissfully happy 29 year old woman. I'm married to the love of my life and I have two gorgeous children who know that their mother is just a little crazy and I think they like it that way.

Seriously?? Bean??

You won't find any real names in this blog - I think it's horribly unfair of me to talk about my friends and family without their knowledge AND use their actual names..

I'm hoping that you already caught on to that, I mean really, did you think I'd marry someone named Bean??