It didn’t take a Jew-hating shark to realize that defensive-minded head coach Mike Singletary would have no use for the pass-happy schema created by Offensive Genius™ Mike Martz. But Martz still hasn’t caught on with another team, most likely because of some logical, merit-based rationale. Right, Mike?

“People are determined to keep me out of the league,” Martz told Tom Curran of NBCSports.com. “It’s been going on for three years and at this point, I can’t fight it. I just can’t fight it. Three years of people putting it out there that I’m a high-maintenance lunatic.

“I keep asking, ‘Who says these things?’ No one will tell you. But I just put two and two together. But when you have a tag and the same damaging things get said two or three times it becomes very hard to shake that tag.”

I was once “tagged” as a “ruthless masturbator” at this one job. So management was all, “Well, this guy likes to wank it on company time, which is deplorable, but we really need this Mail Merge project finished, so we’ll just look the other way until he’s done.” And honestly, they should have been looking the other way to begin with. They didn’t pay me nearly enough to keep my hand out of my pants.