Wednesday, May 25, 2011

A lot of people are teary eyed because May 25 is Oprah's last show. I know I'm teary eyed and will continue to be. As I say "Bye" to Oprah, I'm saying 'Hi" to allergy season.

As Oprah leaves her hit television show, I wish she'd take my mother-in-law with her.

Kirstie Alley didn't win the "Dancing with the Stars" coveted mirror ball trophy. But people love her, so she'll always have "Cheers".

June begins next week. It's traditionally the month for weddings. If you're planning on getting married, you don't have to settle for being a trophy wife. You can settle on being a consolation prize wife.

Human Resources departments will have more applicants to weed through in June. In addition to current job seekers and spring college graduates, people who planned their lives around Oprah's show now need something to do.

When the world didn't come to an end on May 21, Harold Camping said he was "flabbergasted". I'm flabbergasted that people who believed him gave the multi-millionaire their money to take with him.

That silly silk antler hat Princess Beatrice wore to the royal wedding was bought for $131,648 dollars. The princess auctioned her hat on eBay to raise money for the charity Children in Crisis, an agency that should help anyone even thinking of wearing that hat.

When President Obama visited Ireland and his relatives a few days ago, he said, "No one is more Irish than me," which prompted his relatives to ask to see his birth certificate.

When Obama's presidential limo got stuck on a speed bump while he was traveling in Ireland, he said, "When I drank that beer, I should have asked for a Guiness Light."

About 2,200 lunar rocks were brought to Earth by NASA's Apollo astronauts. A recent count showed 10 states and more than 90 countries cannot account for their share of the rocks. Has anyone looked in the heads of presidential candidates?

I'm getting really forgetful. I was going to try tying string on my finger because that's supposed to help you remember stuff. But, I can't remember where I put my string.

About Me

I am an award-winning professional journalist and comedy writer. I've written for newspapers, magazines, radio, television, headlining comedians and politicians. I also do standup, inspirational speaking and acting. I'm a Texas native with a drawl that drips slower than molasses. This blog is updated each week, so please come back for a visit.