Navigation

7.20.2015

MIT "President Trump Simulations" Show 97.9% Chance of War When Trump Meets Any Foreign Official

CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS (The Nil Admirari) - The Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) today released the results of its "President Trump Simulations." The university announced that in 97.9% of simulations, any meeting between a President Trump and a foreign official resulted in a war.

"Our simulations have been sobering. A President Trump will start a war between the United States and another country almost every time he has any kind of direct contact with a foreign official of any authority," stated Professor Maxwell Kriegerfranzen.

Kriegerfranzen added, "Nearly 98% of the time, a President Trump meeting with a foreign official will result in a war. We found it's largely due to the offensive, incoherent, and contradictory half-thoughts that frequently spew out of his mouth."

Upon hearing the results of the MIT study, Donald Trump stated the results were "bullshit," because he will be "the best American president and diplomat ever."

Kriegerfranzen refused to release the preliminary findings of the "President Trump with Access to Nuclear Weapons Simulations," and broke into tears.