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By now you've probably seen the AskReddit thread that tries to answer the question: if the United States were a bar, what would each state be doing and/or drinking? What you probably haven't seen, though, is the Thrillist story that tries to answer the question: if San Francisco were a bar, what would each neighborhood be doing and/or drinking? So, uh, here's that story.

Apologies in advance, Outer Sunset.

- Marina... is drinking a vodka soda, which Cow Hollow makes fun of, though it used to drink vodka soda too, like a year ago.

- Alamo Square... brought two dogs, for some reason.

- Crocker Amazon... is all gross and sweaty and wearing cleats in the bar and just ordered a water and a light beer.

- Dogpatch... is drinking Bulleit rye and eating jerky it brought from home while desperately trying to get people to come back to Dogpatch after the bar. Only West Portal thinks about going.

- Diamond Heights... is ironically very small and unadorned with diamonds.

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- Bayview... is just sitting there calmly drinking its steam beer, though you kind of feel like it might do something crazy.

- Outer Sunset... is sitting alone, clear on the other side of the bar, aggressively motioning to Western Addition while yelling "OVER HERE DUDE! COME SIT OVER HERE!" Western Addition does not go sit over there.

- Hunter's Point... is checking IDs. Do not fuck with Hunter's Point.

- Hayes Valley... just sits nervously right in the middle of the bar, mostly because it's worried everyone surrounding it is dangerous.