Complaints or Solutions? Editor's Letter - April 2006

A month ago I had the opportunity to spend two evenings with two different groups of women.The first night, I was scrap booking.There were about five women, all with something to complain about.The complaints ranged from schools to household pets to the state of our city.The next night I went to a play with another group of women.Their complaints ranged from health issues to the service at the restaurant (and price and the automatic gratuity and the dim lighting).

By the end of this evening, I was exhausted.I wondered if all conversations were centered around complaints or if it was just a coincidence of the weekend.The next morning, after I called my mom and complained about my experiences, I realized I actually had a good weekend, in spite of the people who complained.I got a lot done scrap booking, the play was fantastic, and the food and service at the restaurant were (contrary to the opinions of those I was with) great!Yet, the only thing my mom heard from me were complaints.Why didn’t I start with my good experiences?What made me tell her about the bad?

Later, I opened our parish’s monthly prayer request and the meditation was about “fasting” from bad habits, complaining being one of them.It hit close to my heart.I realize we all have complaints, we have troubles, we see things we don’t like and then we complain.It’s okay to dislike something, but do we have a right to complain if we aren’t willing to offer or at least be part of a solution.That’s really what Easter is about.God sent Jesus as his solution for the sins of man.God did not complain, he warned, but he didn’t complain.He didn’t whine about not being loved enough or wish he hadn’t created people with free will, He sent us a savior.Our Savior Jesus didn’t plop on his mother’s couch and vent about having to deal with all these sinners by himself, how heavy his burden was, poor me, and why do I have to do all the healing?Jesus was a solution unto himself.Sure, he had his human moments, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”, but in the end he “commended his spirit” to God for the good of mankind, without complaint:

Yet it was our infirmities that he bore, our sufferings that he endured, while we thought of him as stricken, as one smitten by God and afflicted.But her was pierced for our offenses, crushed for our sins; upon him was the chastisement that makes us whole, by his stripes we were healed.We had all gone astray like sheep, each following his own way; but the Lord laid upon him the guilt of us all.” Is 50:4-6

Here, someone Jesus, actually took the blame and solved the problem, we only have to ask.The least we can do is attempt to come before others with a solution to our complaints.I have a friend who worked for south Seattle Public Schools, even though she was Montessori trained.I asked her why she didn’t choose a cush job on the Eastside, she said she chose to be part of the solution instead of part of the problem.

A quote by Ralph Smedley states “Fault finding without suggestions for improvement is a waste of time.”When my children come to me with a problem, I direct them to find a solution.If they hear me only complaining with no solutions, I have taught them nothing.I am trying to be aware of my conversations now.In doing so, I find myself more silent.Complaining creates chaos, and can be just as damaging as gossip to a person when thney feel left with a burden they didn’t ask for.Solving a problem completes a circle, just as birth, living and dying complete our life’s circle.