Mmm. I tell you, ain’t nothin’ finer than a good stack of Oreos. You come through that door, Jerry Jones. You’re not gonna stop me from enjoyin’ a well-earned treat.

(door flies open)

Jerry: WHERE IS THAT FAT FUCK?! PHILLIPS?! DON’T YOU TRY AND HIDE FROM ME, CHOKOZUNA! I can smell the hoagie dressing bursting out of your pores! You think you can choke away a ten point lead in seven minutes and then avoid THE ARKINSAW ASSPOUNDER?! Git your fat, drooping ass out here now, Brando! Here fatty fatty fatty! Here fatty fatty fatty!

Wait… what the… Why, you ain’t hidin’! YOU GOT YOUR FEET ON YOUR DESK AND YOUR STUFFING YOUR FACE WITH COOKIES ON MY TIME, YOU FUCKING HOT AIR BALLOON!

Wade: Yep.

Jerry: You sure as SHIT better have a good explanation for this, Beastula! Did you see my boy ROMO out there against those Pittsburgh faggots? HE’S A STAR! AND YOUR FAT ASS MADE HIM LOOK THE FOOL!

MBIII: Try and sit in on your board meeting with THAT, ASSHOLE! You still think I’m soft, motherfucker?

Jerry: No.

MBIII: (twists toe) I CAN’T HEAR YOU, CRACKA!

Jerry: NO!

MBIII: See now, that surprises me, seein’ as how you thought Marion Barber had pussied out of that game Sunday. YOU STILL THINK I PUSSIED OUT, YOU FUCKING HICK SACK OF SHIT?

Jerry: NO!

MBIII: That’s more like it. Now you fucking listen to me, Jerry Jones. If you EVER call my ass soft again, it’ll be the last thing you say before I drive a GODDAMN motorcycle up your CHICKEN FRIED ASSHOLE. YOU HEAR ME, MOTHERFUCKER?

Jerry: Yes.

MBIII: Call my ass SIR, MOTHERFUCKER!

Jerry: Yes, sir!

MBIII: Marion Barber doesn’t back down from any fucking challenge, lest of all one from some goddamn tumbleweed-eatin’ MOTHERFUCKER LIKE YOU! I will fucking run through the goddamn River Styx to win a game! You gotta tear my fucking dick off to keep me off that field. SO IF MARION BARBER SAYS HE CAN’T TRAVEL WITH THE TEAM, YOU BETTER BELIEVE HE’S IN SOME NEW FUCKING DIMENSION OF PAIN! YOU FUCKING HEAR ME!

MBIII: And another thing. I cannot understand GODDAMN WORD this asshole is saying! How the FUCK are we supposed to win SHIT when players can’t speak English, MOTHERFUCKER! I’m out there stiffarming motherfuckers, and this asshole’s talkin’ about PUSSYJOOSE! WHAT THE FUCK?

(door flies open)

Garrett: Ah, Marion! Marion, my good man! How are you? Did you have a good EATING today?!

MBIII: You fucking red-haired Ritz cracka looking motherfucker! RUN A GODDAMN PLAY ACTION PASS TO SOMEONE OTHER THAN WITTEN FOR ONCE, MOTHERFUCKER!

Garrett: But Jason has such a fine pedigree! Why wouldn’t I call 56 passes for him?

MBIII: Motherfucker, I GOTTA HEAR ABOUT THAT SHIT! Fix the goddamn offense, or else that faggot ass TO throws his soiled maxipads in the middle of the GODDAMN LOCKER ROOM! FIX IT OR MBIII WILL DROWN A BITCH!

Wade: You heard him, Jason. Fix it.

Garrett: What? Well, I never! Do you hear the way they address me, Mr. Jones? THEY’RE SO GUTTURAL!

Jerry: Just do what they tell you to do, SHITHEAD! My fucking toe is dislocated! HOW AM I GONNA STICK IT IN A HOOKER’S COOTER NOW?

MBIII: That’s your problem, motherfucker.

Garrett: (dragging Jerry out) You haven’t heard the last from us! You shan’t get away with this!

MBIII: Yeah well, whatever. YOU DRAG THAT CRACKA ASS MOTHERFUCKER OUT OF HERE AND DON’T COME BACK! THERE’S A NEW SHERIFF IN TOWN TODAY, AND HE’S THE BADDEST BLACKEST MOTHERFUCKER YOU’LL WISH YOU NEVER FUCKING MET! YEEHAW! I AM GODDAMN PISSED!!!!!!

This week, we’re holding the second annual KsK Kares Kharity Drive for Fisher House, which helps build temp housing for disabled veterans and their families. You can donate directly to FH here.

could it be there’s a Cowboy that i actually like? Marion the Barbarian indeed!

12.12.08 at 11:44 am

Reggie Bush's Pimp

(mouth flies open and stays open)

MB3…may I just say…I want you to play for my team.

Holee shat! That was epic!

I will fucking run through the goddamn River Styx to win a game! You gotta tear my fucking dick off to keep me off that field.

Now why can’t I have football players of this ilk on my Saints team?!!!

12.12.08 at 11:44 am

El Guapo

Let’s all give Wade a slow clap

12.12.08 at 11:53 am

Jefferson Short Bus

Best. Episode. Ever.

And +1 for Scrapple Martin.

12.12.08 at 11:57 am

Upstate Underdog

Wade’s revenge! There is no way in Hades MBIII knows what the River Styx is.

12.12.08 at 11:57 am

TF88

Finally someone in Dallas has balls!

12.12.08 at 11:57 am

ghtd36

Arguably the most fulfilling thing I’ve read all year.

12.12.08 at 12:01 pm

DisraeliGears

Best Wade and Jerry I’ve seen in a long time. MB3 is a badass motherfucker.

12.12.08 at 12:08 pm

The Virgin Connie Swayle

For some reason, I can’t imagine (door files open) as suitable for MB3, seeing how he runs into defenders like they’re not actual human beings that can hit back. I see his entrance as more of (door disintegrates into shards of wood and dust).

12.12.08 at 12:09 pm

TomahawkFlop

MBIII can not be fucked with. I can’t wait til Wade works up the nerve to take a shit on Jerry Jones’ desk.

12.12.08 at 12:10 pm

Luke

Man…these Wade and Jerry episodes make the loss of Firejoemorgan a lot easier to handle.

Agreed on Scrapple Martin…phenomenal.

More kudos to Drew on the Guac recipe from last year’s Super Bowl Jambaroo. I’m using it regularly, and it’s changed my life.

12.12.08 at 12:11 pm

Rakibul Islam

I may be a huge Giants fan, but we could use another running back to plow through defenses once Jacobs inevitably falls apart. MB3 is welcome on my team anytime. And this Wade and Jerry is now my 2nd most favorite episode ever (behind the shooting of Jason Garrett following the playoff loss to the G-men).

And did anyone else suddenly get a massive craving for Oreos?

12.12.08 at 12:11 pm

85

If only Barber didn’t play for the Cowboys…

it’ll be the last thing you say before I drive a GODDAMN motorcycle up your CHICKEN FRIED ASSHOLE.

Goddamn that was fucking awesome. I am so happy for Wade. And I hope the Giants kick your dick in.

12.12.08 at 12:13 pm

FozzieBear

I’m not sure if this sort of post really belongs on KSK. On the one hand, it’s fucking hilarious and incredibly entertaining. But on the other hand, it has almost nothing to do with the Pittsburgh Steelers.

12.12.08 at 12:15 pm

El Duke

/slow clap

12.12.08 at 12:17 pm

Sabbatini's Pacifier

So glad to see Wade grow a pair…and what an entrance by MBIII…well done BDD.

12.12.08 at 12:20 pm

Kimbo Gash

GAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! ain’t no country I ever heard of!

12.12.08 at 12:21 pm

jackin'4beats

{{{STANDING OVATION}}}

That was great. Marion the Barbarian running shit up da hizzee!!! It’s about time Wade got some payback on Princeton boy there. And JJ deserves a big plate of STFU for questioning MBIII’s toughness.

/just the right amount of motherfuckers by the way.

12.12.08 at 12:22 pm

Mike Lupica

Best episode ever…when is this gonna be on HBO?

BTW…TO and his soiled maxipad….best line ever.

12.12.08 at 12:23 pm

BAM Morrisey

I cant wait to see Garrett, Double J, Pacman, Whitten, and possibly Romo come back with a vengance against MBIII and Phat Phuck Phillips.

12.12.08 at 12:25 pm

dAndy

EXCEL-FUCKING-LENT!!!

12.12.08 at 12:26 pm

Doc Holliday

“He gon make dat pussy drool.”

That line made me both laugh and puke in my garbage can. Good. Job.

12.12.08 at 12:27 pm

Chamomiles Davis

Today is now a great day, and I owe it all to a man named Marion.

12.12.08 at 12:34 pm

BAM Morrisey

I like that Marion doesnt understand Pacman, at all.

12.12.08 at 12:36 pm

Needs More Cheerleaders

So I see MBIII, and my first thought is “Men in Black 3? That doesn’t make any sense…”
It’s friday.

Marion is a welcome addition to this little soiree.

12.12.08 at 12:38 pm

Needs More Cheerleaders

You gotta tear my fucking dick off to keep me off that field

So, seeing as how he wasn’t on the field, I’m guessing Marion is now Marina?

12.12.08 at 12:40 pm

porky1

When the surreal becomes real, what is surreal?

This.

/applause

12.12.08 at 12:48 pm

Big Daddy Drew

@The Virgin Connie Swayle: You’re right. Fixed.

12.12.08 at 12:49 pm

poop

These things have actually made me feel bad for Wade Phillips. If enough league owners and GM’s read this site (which I’m sure they do) Wade will have no problem getting a job after he gets fired in 3 weeks.

12.12.08 at 12:50 pm

twinkie the kid

this is the best wade/jerry post this year

Fix the goddamn offense, or else that faggot ass TO throws his soiled maxipads in the middle of the GODDAMN LOCKER ROOM!

–classic

12.12.08 at 1:02 pm

BigRicks

It’s about time someone called out Pacman for not making any fucking sense. Next episode should include him in a neckbrace.

12.12.08 at 1:03 pm

Closed-Captioned Porn

/COMEUPPANCE!

Just when I thought these were starting to get a little formulaic…..BAM!

12.12.08 at 1:05 pm

senor mullet

how much would you say wade phillips weighs: around 300 or a round 300

12.12.08 at 1:07 pm

Shelly

Awesome, simply awesome. The JJ/Wade posts were starting to get a little monotonous, but this one was incredible. I had to try really hard not to laugh out loud, so mostly I just sat there grinning like an idiot. Great job.

12.12.08 at 1:07 pm

Mo Charlo

I like that it took this to reveal that Marion Barber was the best Cowboy. He’s been that way since the Testaverde days. Y’all were just too entranced by ESPN to notice.

At least the writers of KSK actually watch a goddamn game.

12.12.08 at 1:10 pm

hooksorpik

Bitchbizkit’s with Pacman!!!!

12.12.08 at 1:14 pm

StuScottBooyahs

This is a true underdog story, when is ESPN going to buy the rights to this?

12.12.08 at 1:16 pm

TT's Boy

That was even better than Gay Zorro.

Now if you can only have MB3 and Wade kill Jerry, Pac, and TO (preferably in real life).

12.12.08 at 1:22 pm

Greg Oden's Raven

“MBIII: Call my ass SIR, MOTHERFUCKER!”

Beauty.

12.12.08 at 1:25 pm

devin hester's speech coach

Marion the Barbarian is indeed one bad motherfucker! I still get half a chub watching that block he made on Hard Knocks, and I hate the Cowboys.

12.12.08 at 1:29 pm

stlrfan

Pacman down wid it, and Pacman gon shine

12.12.08 at 1:36 pm

Stokes

I think everyone had high hopes when Wade and JJ had their little back and forth over MBIII, but this topped all expectations. I rarely laugh out loud while sitting alone in my apartment (except while masturbating), but this one did it.

/Rode MBIII to fantasy playoffs
//had a first round bye while he was benched

12.12.08 at 1:36 pm

Bacon

Outstanding episode!!! Thank God for MBIII, and great entrance. Best episode all season, hands down.

“I’m out there stiffarming motherfuckers, and this asshole’s talkin’ about PUSSYJOOSE! WHAT THE FUCK?”

What the fuck indeed.

12.12.08 at 1:54 pm

Equine DIA-BEE-TUS

On a team with Romo’s pinky, TO’s sandy vagina, Tank’s firearms, and Pacman’s billfold; JJ singles out Barber’s toe? Get the fuck out.

12.12.08 at 2:17 pm

HonoluluHoo

Let’s face it…it’s the hot seat down in Big D and Jerry isn’t too far off from being the next Al Davis. Plus, you have the meltdown going with TO…he sees the writing on the wall and decides to be a part of the problem and not the solution. Sad. All that talent…HH@showoffsports.com

12.12.08 at 2:46 pm

Armchair Whiner

Wade’s too big to drop a deuce on his desk…it should be an epic event like the pie-eating contest from the movie “Stand By Me”. Wade should down a case of Oreos and 2 meat-lover’s pizzas chased with a quart of Red Bull mixed with cod liver oil & let fly on Jerry’s desk, preferably into his lap

TomahawkFlop Says:

MBIII can not be fucked with. I can’t wait til Wade works up the nerve to take a shit on Jerry Jones’ desk.

12.12.08 at 2:52 pm

Nikki

MB3 my favorite player, he’s been on my fantasy team for three years and I have his jersey in both white and blue. This is the greatest blog post I’ve EVER READ. And I almost spewed Starbucks all over the place at this:

“Motherfucker, I GOTTA HEAR ABOUT THAT SHIT! Fix the goddamn offense, or else that faggot ass TO throws his soiled maxipads in the middle of the GODDAMN LOCKER ROOM! FIX IT OR MBIII WILL DROWN A BITCH!”

Although he’s my fave and appears to be a genuinely nice dude, I’d not want to piss him the fuck off.

12.12.08 at 3:20 pm

Kimbo Gash

Nice job of pretending that you don’t have a huge collection of high-res Oreo porn btw…

12.12.08 at 3:42 pm

porky1

“Ah, Marion! Marion, my good man! How are you? Did you have a good EATING today?!”

Upon further review, this is my favorite line, right down to the mental picture of Garrett’s neck veins and teeth being prominently displayed during the precisely enunciated delivery of the word “EATING.”

12.12.08 at 4:01 pm

H Cuz

This might be my favorite W&J yet.

12.12.08 at 4:48 pm

Gino Tourettesa

I hope TO will call Marion Baber a pussy next. I’d love to see MB3 unleash on that fucker.

12.12.08 at 4:50 pm

JackSplat

Christmas came early!

12.12.08 at 5:11 pm

fangirls on helium

Jerry Jones getting owned = best day ever.

12.12.08 at 5:35 pm

Animal Mother

FIX YO OFFENSE!!

Just not this week. Try some stupid triple option bullshit that gets Homo hurt this week. Then FIX YO OFFENSE!

12.12.08 at 6:02 pm

Vince Young Sausage

@TT’s boy —

How dare you make a statement that “MB3 and Wade kill Jerry, Pac, and TO (preferably in real life).” How DARE you think those thoughts … and not include Romo and the Garrett Brothers.

12.12.08 at 7:49 pm

Hyman Motherfucking Roth

Marion could be the black version of R Lee Ermey in Full Metal Jacket: “Garrett, you best unfuck yourself or I will unscrew your head and SHIT DOWN YOUR NECK!!*”

*Or, now that Najeh is back in the league, have najeh shit down the neck as a stand-in. Guy’s a fucking expert.

12.12.08 at 8:01 pm

smurphette

Fucking masterpiece, Drew.

12.13.08 at 1:09 am

JaysonAych

I absolutely live for these Wade and Jerry posts. They never disappoint…big props to KSK for keeping the funny coming every single damn time!

12.13.08 at 1:30 am

Gino Tourettesa

Marion Barber III. Wayzata, Minnesota. Fuck Yeah.

12.13.08 at 3:00 pm

301_hip_hoppa

As a true ‘Skins fan, should I be bothered that my newest favorite KSKharacter is an a$$ kicking, take no prisoners Cowboy that will drown a bitch? Maj, can I get a ruling on this?

//Bra-fucking-vo, BDD. Well done.

12.13.08 at 3:31 pm

Kim Hong

/backs up chair
//stands
//claps

But there has to be a more bad-ass picture of Barber somewhere

12.13.08 at 6:08 pm

fkksn

Another stupid ass attempt from a hater to bash the Boys. Does skimp balless run this site? I know all the characters in your little skit personally and they don’t use that kind of language. ASSHOLES!

How bout them COWBOYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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