Life Always Trumps

Sunday, May 19, 2013

I have been doing well and was feeling great. I was all prepared to start the Spark Solutions Challenge. I bought the food and logged the meals when I printed the recipes. Then Friday May 10th, my birthday and a couple of days before the start of the challenge, my best friend of 11 years lost her battle with pancreatic cancer. It was bittersweet . I knew she was dying (she was in hospice after a long, courageous 2 year battle) and I was glad she didn't have to suffer any more. I kept those feelings for several days, being thankful she was out of pain and reviewing my sweet memories of her wonderful life. I had a bump in the road Saturday morning, when I broke my toe walking in the bedroom (in bare feet). Now I had to deal with my feelings and stress without my fantastic running. The next challenge was that my husband left on Tuesday for a 10 day hike in Utah with his brother. I had no one to share my sadness with. I did start the Spark Solution program strong and lost a pound by Wednesday morning, but grief grabbed me Thursday and I have had periods of crying, loneliness and ice cream bloopers. I called friends and tried walking with them (a little painful), I biked, swam and tried deep water running. I have tried to keep active but I am sad. I have no enthusiasm. My friends took me out for a late birthday meal yesterday which was wonderful but I came home to an empty house. I went for a walk this morning. I have made all the meals except one day I skipped and ate my comfort food. I'm not going to weigh til Wednesday and I will go from there. This week is not about weight loss. Its about getting thru grief the best I can.

CARLANNIE
Oh, my - here is a big (((HUG))) for you! I know how much you cared for your friend. It's important to grieve, but I am sorry your dh is not there with you right now. I hope your toe heals quickly so you can get back to your exercise that helps to even out the emotions. Here's another (((HUG))) for good measure!1549 days ago

KOFFEENUT
Even when we know intellectually that a friend is going to lose this battle, somehow our hearts never know. Take good care of yourself. It is hard to deal with emotionally even when you have the support of your DH in the house, so I KNOW having him gone is just that much harder.1550 days ago

BARBANNA
Really sad for what you feel and hope you deal effectively with your loss. I broke my toe and kept on exercising. I guess it depends on which toe. After the pain lets up try a bike, elliptical or walking at a fast pace. This will help to get your spirits up. Time will heal everything!!! 1551 days ago

JOYINKY
I'm so sorry for your loss Daisy! No matter how prepared we think we are--we aren't. Happiness for someone no longer being in pain does not diminish the loss we feel. Yes, even harder to go through it when you feel alone. Staying busy has always been the healthiest healer for me; nothing works completely. You have to feel it and get through it letting the good memories rise to the top. Breaking your toe was a double wammy! Walking is one of my best stress relievers and grief is a kind of stress. You're not giving up, you're just working through a rough time and you will get through it. Hugs 1551 days ago

BROOKLYN_BORN
I'm so sorry for your loss. Life does often throw us a curve and send us off on a detour. However, you have your sights set on the right road and you will get back on track. Allow yourself to grieve, take care of yourself, rest and come back stronger.1551 days ago

ONEKIDSMOM
Sorry for your loss. Grief can throw us for loops we didn't know were there... just don't give up. Remember that you are worth it... and the program will be there when you work your way through to the other side.

Being active helped me through the loss of my sister in law in February... (ALS, not pretty, either)... even when it's a relief, there is sadness. You're doing the best you can each day... be kind to yourself. 1551 days ago

LINDAKAY228
I am so sorry for your loss. Sometimes life isn't about changing things at the moment but hanging on through the tough times. One step at a time. Hopefully your foot will be better soon and your grief will lessen a little, enough to be able to focus on your plan. But it is still a deep loss and will take time. Be gentle with yourself right now. I'm sending big hugs to you. Wish there was more I could do.1551 days ago