Originally Part of the frigate <UNREADABLE>,the commander Reported to <CLASSIFIED> that there was life on Eshira. Subsequently, <CLASSIFIED> Ordered the captain to launch pods with all crew members down to the planet, as they wanted to see what kind of life it was. The whole crew was dropped in the middle of a desert, Only wearing light combat armor and some basic weapons, as they were not equipped for something like man to man combat because they believed their ship was "Impenetrable" . When they landed, They set up a temporary camp area. They searched around the area to find any signs of sentient life, but only found hostile wildlife that they subsequently killed for food.

Several months later, the camp was running out of ammo and food. The crew had not moved during that time as the captain ordered them not to move from the camp, as he thought they weren't properly armed and would be killed very easily. The captain sent out a team of explorers to find more food and ammo. Nep'Jerida was assigned to that group and went out exploring with them. The exploration team walked for several days one direction, and eventually came across a broken down hover-bike. The exploration team had no knowledge of how to fix it and so they dis-assembled it and carried the parts back to the camp.

Little did the exploration team know that the camp had been recently attacked by bandits, and most of the crew were killed and the camp looted. When they came back the exploration team discovered that the camp was deserted and the exploration team was presented with a problem. They set their packs down, quickly looking around for anything left by the bandits. The exploration team found a few clips of ammo left in some of the tents, and they used that ammo to hunt for some more wild-life. When they had enough food after a few days they started to assemble the hovercraft bit by bit, nearly taking them a month of constant working to get it to working again.

The remaining crew asked Nep'Jerida to explore the land with the hover-bike, as he was the highest ranking officer left. He agreed and set out to explore the area with it. He found found a city nearly 45 miles away after a few days, and he drove back to the camp and told the remaining crew. They were grateful to hear the news, and Nep'Jerida ferried them one by one over to the city, safely transporting them to it. The remaining 5 crew members have been living in the cities without any trouble, quickly adjusting to the English language.

Personality: CautiousAppearance:

Spoiler:

Weaponry and equipment

Weapon:Sniper rifleHow I received this weapon: Nep'Jerida found it the desert, near the hovercraft

How you acquired your vehicle: They exploration crew found it broken and took it back to their camp to re-assemble and fix, which they did. They crew of the <UNREADABLE> let him keep it as he had been the highest ranking member of the crew left.Edit: Removed colors.Edit #2: Re-wrote the bio to make people happy.Edit #3: Edited bioEdit #4: I'm making a new bio

Last edited by Arthurs on Fri Jul 16, 2010 1:23 pm; edited 8 times in total

Biography: Originally Dropped on the planet a few miles from the captain, they quickly regrouped and set up camp. None of the other members of the crew came and eventually they set out to find civilization. Along the way, though, They encountered some harsh wildlife. They held out for a while until the captain was finally killed in one swift move by them. Nep'Jerida narrowly made it to the captain's Hoverbike and sped off away from them. After a few days of riding he eventually came across a human city and decided to stay there.

Did this take you less than a minute to write?

Who's "Them"? Why was he dropped onto Eshira? Does he not have access to a radio to call in for help? Can he not return to his ship? Why did he decide to stay with the humans? What did he think of the humans? Did he not care about his captain dying? Did he not fight against "Them"? Did he not attempt to take the captain's body with him? Where did the rest of his crew go? Why did he not attempt to save the rest of his crew?

Jesus Christ, If you're going to write a bio, put some goddamn effort into it.

Last edited by Arthurs on Tue Jul 13, 2010 11:02 am; edited 1 time in total

BloodStream

Posts : 258Join date : 2010-07-03Age : 28Location : Cambridge, UK

Subject: Re: Nep'Jerida [Updated] Tue Jul 13, 2010 10:11 am

I'm sorry but that's really not in-depth enough. What kind of wildlife? Tribesmen? Animals?And I shouldn't have to read the race bio to understand your character bio.You should be able to understand the character bio on it's own, since it is stand-alone.

I haven't read the hazenn race bio, but I understood Markka's bio perfectly.

Stop being lazy and actually try. Everything you just mentioned should've been in the bio.

MackTHE GLORY

Posts : 1415Join date : 2010-04-06Age : 37

Subject: Re: Nep'Jerida [Updated] Tue Jul 13, 2010 10:15 am

Quote :

Stop being lazy and actually try.

This is pretty much what I was thinking.

Why did they go into combat without proper equipment? So they could afford a "sniper rifle", but not a bleeding radio? These guys seem like proper twats if they drop in without proper equipment for everyone, and then manage to get overrun by WILDLIFE. How the hell did they manage that? Did these guys actually expect to survive an encounter with any other species?

And no, I haven't read the race bio either. Frankly, I shouldn't have to, much as Blood said.

He found found a city nearly 45 miles away after a few days, so he drove back to the camp and told them.

Not to be picky or anything but even the fixed version has a wee bit of typos. Pointed one out in the quote above. Also just to make the story a little more clear, try not to say "them" all the time. Instead just say "the exploration team". This would make the story easier to pick up.

He found found a city nearly 45 miles away after a few days, so he drove back to the camp and told them.

Not to be picky or anything but even the fixed version has a wee bit of typos. Pointed one out in the quote above. Also just to make the story a little more clear, try not to say "them" all the time. Instead just say "the exploration team". This would make the story easier to pick up.