failing upward

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Month: November 2011

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again — I feel like 2011 has been dual enrolling all year in order to graduate earlier and get a head start on college or something. I am having a hard time believing that Thanksgiving is tomorrow. But, whether we like it or not, this is the reality.

Dan and I are gearing up to head to my hometown to spend some much needed time with my family over the holiday, so I will not be blogging the rest of this week. I’m sure you’ll all survive.

But, since Thanksgiving is truly the original gangster THINGS I LOVE THURSDAY, I’d like to leave you with a list of things I’m so thankful for this year. Ready? Here we go, in no particular order!

You. All of you who read my blog. You all rock my socks off (which is fine for now, since it’s still 80 outside. But come February, we’ll have some words.)

The unending grace of a Savior everyday.

My sweet, supportive husband. I swear, I love him more and more every day.

A job at which I don’t work holidays and can actually get time off to see my family. (I get to be there till Saturday, y’all! It’s almost like a legitimate vacation!)

Close friends who love me even though (and maybe because) I’m me.

Vulnerability — being vulnerable and having other people be vulnerable around me.

Miracles and the fact that they truly do happen every day.

Sundresses and the ability to wear them almost year round.

Decaf coffee which somehow still wakes me up.

My church family.

My bible studies — Case and Breakfast Club.

My pastors and their families and how they challenge me to be a better person.

Being able to do ministry with junior high students.

Being ministered to by junior high students.

Books and words.

Writing for a living.

Art and artists, particularly the ones I get to interact with.

Pianos and the people who play them.

My cats, Romeo and Hamlet, even though I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in well over a week because of them.

Kittens, even though they seem to be taking over my life.

Children and babies and the things they do and say.

My family, both in Florida and in the Midwest.

Text messages and gChat — forever keeping me sane at work.

Our quirky but cute house in Frenchtown.

Road trips for weddings, celebrations, etc.

LIFE.

Hope you all have a blessed Thanksgiving. During this holiday season, steeped in commercialism and superficial happiness, try to keep your minds focused on the non-material things you’re thankful for.

Earlier this week a friend of mine tweeted about hearing a sacred echo in her life. I was instantly jealous of her and, consequently, whiny — IIIIIII want a sacred echo! I want to have a clear vision of the direction I should go! I want to have an unarguable reason to do X or not do Y!!!!! *pout*

Isn’t there a saying about being careful of what you wish for or something?

Back in March of 2008, Dan asked me out on our first date — a low-key dinner followed by a concert. Take a second and think about how that probably went: maybe he met me somewhere, or pulled me aside at church or on campus, or called me up and said, “Good morrow, fair maiden Lindsay of Shaw. I happen to fancy you, therefore, I request your company at a relatively inexpensive eatery followed by taking delight in the sounds of a musical company by the name of The Spill Canvas. Would you oblige, m’lady?” (That’s typically how that goes, right? I honestly don’t know because I’ve been out of the game a while and I’ve always been awkward when it comes to dating.)

That’s not how it went for us. Dan pried my day planner from my cold, rigor-mortis-esque fingers and opened it to the day of the show to see whether or not he could squeeze himself into my overfull schedule. By the grace of God, he was able to write himself in. Hooray! A date! Squeezed between work at a barbecue restaurant, a handful of college classes, and studying for midterms. Phew.

Fast forward to yesterday. I was talking to a friend of mine (not in person but over Facebook chat, which is actually an important detail) about how we all seem to be married to our schedules. We jam-pack each minute of each day with work, school, projects, meetings, appointments, etc., but we never intentionally schedule any free time for ourselves. She and I collectively lamented about our lack of free time and yet our inability to focus on the tasks we have in front of us because we are so easily distracted by Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Pinterest, and even blogs (FBDC promotion fail.) We’ll find ourselves doing nothing, but we’re actually just avoiding doing something, which further stresses us out about the things we have already committed — vocationally, educationally, or otherwise — to do.

Well, self, there you go. You got your dang sacred echo. You need to break up with your planner every once in a while and schedule some down time to relax and take care of yourself.

Today’s tip is one I (obviously) haven’t perfected yet. (Who am I kidding? I should probably rename my blog, “An extensive list of things I haven’t perfected yet.”) But it’s so important. Scheduling time to take care of yourself not only makes life more enjoyable, but it also brings the beautiful things about yourself — all the reasons you are so lovely — back into focus.

Now, when I say, “Pencil yourself in,” I don’t mean think to yourself, “I should have some me time later.” Oh no. I mean, very literally, to pencil yourself in to your planner/diary/Google calendar/iPhone/whatever. Seriously. If we don’t treat this like an actual meeting or obligation, we might not follow through because this is how we’re wired now. In the 21st century, this is our reality.

If you’re like me and you have no idea where to start on taking care of yourself, here’s a list of things you can schedule to rejuvenate you after you meet all the other demanding obligations you put on yourself. (And remember, the idea here is focus on your wonderful self, to destress and refresh, so if cooking, for example, makes your heart palpitate and your head explode — welcome, kindred spirit — then, obviously, don’t try that.)

Going for a walk in the park alone, with no iPod or cell phone with you.

Taking a yoga class.

Looking up and trying a new recipe.

Journaling.

Taking a short road trip, if even to the next town over, to explore.

Painting.

Working on your car or house.

[Insert your idea here.]

And — HERE IS THE KEY — make this scheduled “you” time non-negotiable. If a friend invites you out to dinner or your brother and his wife need someone to watch their baby while they go on a date, refuse. Nothing horrible will ever happen to you if you say no to another person in order to say yes to yourself. Never think that taking care of yourself should be secondary to taking care of anything else, whether those things are work-related, school-related, or people-related. If you don’t have any of yourself left, what benefit are you to the obligations you have?

The answer? None. None, I’m afraid. So, good Lord, child. Get off the Internet and take a hot bath or something.

If you’ve followed my blog for any length of time, you know that I absolutely love Jon Acuff’s writing. I look up to this dude for so many reasons. Not only is he a compelling storyteller but, through his first blog, Stuff Christians Like, he’s been able to raise the money to fund all kinds of humanitarian relief efforts, like building two (TWO!) kindergartens in Vietnam.

And so, after reading that post, I started thinking — is this me?Do I do this? Do I blog about all the great things and leave the crappy things in my life hidden?

Since I’m not an unbiased reader of my own blog (ha) I can’t really make that call. But! I can be intentional from here on out and post more honest, more raw, more real content. And, mind you, this isn’t just so I don’t lose readers. (Although seriously, don’t leave me, my insecurity can’t handle it.) This is all about being real.

After our bible study, we all like to hang out and shoot the breeze about life. Last time, Eric, Emily, and myself were all standing in a circle. I’m not sure what was said (I probably just stashed it away in my fail-odex so, don’t worry, I’ll find it later) but my reply to that word/phrase/question/whatever was a heartfelt and grunty, “DAMNIT.”

With 13-year-old Emily and her dad standing right there. RIGHT AFTER, YOU KNOW, STUDYING THE BIBLE TOGETHER. Awesomeeeeeeeeeeeallidoiswin.

I apologized to Eric and he responded in love and grace because he’s like, a PASTOR and junk. But I still beat myself up over that one for a day or so. (Let’s be serious — I’m still beating myself up over it.)

So. There you have it. I’m pretty awful sometimes. My mouth has always gotten me in trouble. And then, when I get in trouble, I punish myself for days on end. It’s so unfortunate.

IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE PERFECT.

Yesterday one of my coworkers came into my cubicle with some inspiration for me: a hard copy of her friend’s second novel. And when I say “hard copy” I don’t mean an impossibly thick print-out of a Microsoft Word document. I mean a legitimate book complete with binding, cover art, and an author bio on the back.

Say what? Someone I know knows someone who has published not one, but two novels? And they live here? What?!

All my favorite writers live elsewhere, publishing meaty, worthy works of art from distant, mythological places (like Pasco, Washington or Edinburgh, Scotland.) I don’t know of any famous authors from Tallahassee. Come to think of it, there don’t seem to be too many famous people from Tallahassee (save T-Pain and Buster Bluth, and you can bet all the money in your banana stand I drop those names as frequently as possible.)

At the time of this writing, I’m roughly 13,500 words into my NaNoWriMo novel. Granted, those words are (in my humble opinion) a big heap of rubbish. And while some days I rap away at my laptop like a writing fiend, there are other days — like yesterday — when I stare at the screen in disgust, sick of spending time with my haphazardly built-up characters with their lousy and seemingly pointless dialogue.

But someone from Tallahassee has done it. Someone from Tallahassee has suffered through composing their wonky first draft and editing it beyond recognition, to finally become published by an actual publisher. And they’ve done this not once, but twice.

Yesterday as my fingers sat motionless on my keyboard, the image of that book came into focus in my mind. Listen, self, if someone else did this, I thought, you can, too.

And so, I began to type. And type some more. (And check Facebook three times and Twitter twice and answer an email.) And type some more.

Before I knew it, it was 7PM (my “writing curfew,” which encourages me to stop writing so I make it home to see my husband at a decent hour each night) and I’d written 2,082 (marginally compelling) words. I’d been inspired by someone else to do something great.

My coworker’s author friend is, no doubt, an inspiration. But the truth of the matter is that you don’t have to look far (published authors, famous musicians, political leaders) to find inspiration. I bet that, if you stopped and looked around, you’d find inspiration as close as your friends are. Take my inner circle, for example:

My friend Evan has lost nearly 100 pounds and has run several races (including a half-marathon and a triathlon) and is currently training for his first full marathon in February. And all of this didn’t start until the beginning of 2010.

After my mom was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes at the beginning of this year, she changed her life and has dropped enough weight to manage the disease without medication.

A family from our church uprooted their entire lives to live permanently in Guatemala and minister to those whom the church has “given up” on. Also, my friend Elizabeth has been down to Guatemala twice to help with this mission and is saving up to go a third time in the spring.

Along the same vein, my friend Leah, her husband, and their baby left their whole lives here in Florida to help start a church in Boston earlier this year.

My friend Andrea is raising seven-year-old twin girls on her own.

My friend Ashley said she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom with her own photography business and she’s doing it.

My friend Eric has played guitar with all kinds of famous people (like, he’s friends with The Fray, you guys) and yet he still finds time to pore into the lives of young artists in our community and be a stand-up husband and dad.

I could go on. My friends rule.

The point is, each one of these people is an inspiration to me in some way. Inspiration fuels my passions and my desires. Inspiration makes me feel alive. Inspiration makes me happy I’m me. Inspiration makes me love myself. Inspiration makes me feel as though I could do anything I put my mind to. Like, maybe, write a novel in 30 days.

I’ve been told that I’m an inspiration before. The God’s honest truth about that is that I couldn’t inspire anyone else without the inspiration I get from others. It’s a cyclical and beautiful phenomenon. And I feel like the same thing could be true for you, too.

Who inspires you? Who makes you feel like you could do amazing things? And, in turn, do you know who YOU inspire?