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September 24, 2005

Can UNC players count to 10?

Sitting in the stands at Carter-Finley Stadium before the NC State-UNC football game, I can't help noticing how helpful the UNC coaching staff is. They've laid out a pad, numbered 1 to 10, right at midfield. Apparently UNC players are so illiterate, and counting to 10 is SO difficult, that the team needs to have this helpful guide.

New "subsonic" antenna

Finally equipped Skylab with the latest in audio gadgetry....a brand new subsonic antenna. It's a well-known fact that if you want your car stereo to have that really deep low thumpy bass, you have to be able to pick up subsonic frequencies, which, as we all know, are so low they hug the ground . A subsonic antenna is properly mounted on the *side* of your car, pointing down, so that it penetrates the subsonic stream. I just mounted mine, and the results are stunning. Never has my car stereo had such deep penetrating bass. I've seen the looks of jealousy from my fellow drivers on the road as I cruise past.....rattling the windows of every car and store as I pass.

September 15, 2005

Make that 102 uses for a dead cat

Bild, a German tabloid, claims to have found a man who powers his automobile with dead cats. As quoted from MSNBC: "A German inventor said he has developed a method to produce crude oil products from waste that he believes can be an answer to the soaring costs of fuel, but denied a German newspaper story implying he also used dead cats."

“It’s an alternative fuel that is friendly for the environment. But it’s complete nonsense to suggest dead cats. I’ve never used cats and would never think of that. At most the odd toad may have jumped in.”