Chivalry Vs. Feminism

In the 1950s, the rules of dating etiquette were clearer. A man knew it was not only acceptable, but expected for him to open the door for his date, pull out her chair and pay for the meal. These days, the line between appreciated chivalrous acts and condescending behaviors is fuzzy at best. The feminist movement brought women the right to vote and earn equal pay, but it sure made the practice of dating more confusing in the process. It would be a dateless man indeed who didn’t acknowledge a woman’s right to make her own decisions when it comes to her life, her money, her body, and her mind — but how do you reconcile that respect with the kind of attitude a man is encouraged to project on a date? When you’re initially getting to know a girl, it can be difficult to know whether she’ll see your actions as considerate or misogynistic.

The following are a few different situations that may come up during the beginning of a relationship, viewed from both sides of the aisle: that of a well-intentioned, old-fashioned gentleman and an enthusiastic, empowered woman. Which opinion should rule in these ambiguous circumstances?

Picking up the tab

Gentleman’s perspective: It’s gentlemanly to pull out my wallet and pay, especially on the first date. It shows I am financially secure and goes a long way to making a good impression on my date.

Feminist’s perspective: As an empowered woman, I can pay my own way, thank you very much. The man reaching for his wallet is an indication that he thinks I can’t take care of myself.

AM verdict: For the first few dates, at least, the guy should pay. If she isn’t a gold digger, the woman should at least offer to pay, but until a relationship is established, the man should expect to be shelling out for meals, drinks and movies.

Lightening her load

Gentleman’s perspective: Opening the door for my girl or helping her carry her shopping bags is my duty as the stronger sex.

Feminist’s perspective: Call any woman “the weaker sex” and see how far that gets you. I am fully capable of opening my own doors and carrying my own bags.

AM verdict: Instead of asking if it’s OK, just say, “Let me help you with those bags.” If she’s adamant that she doesn’t need your help, back off.

There are a few more situations in which we pit chivalry against feminism...