You are now about to witness the strength of meat knowledge; A girl's online adventures through every Tongue, Dick and Erm…Hairy.

Menu

date

So I'm back to having multiple fun sexy conversations and it's been good for me, even if the deeper connection isn't there yet it's still nice not to be burdened by other people's issues.

I haven't heard from Mr A, I guess it goes to show who he is that he can't even apologise for the last really shitty week. I'm still a little wounded by the fact he wasn't who he made out he was but that's online dating for you, people lie to get what they want.

Anyway, I do have a date planned for the weekend….if we manage to pull this (not him….yet!) off then it will be a very long time coming…..3 years in fact! I ll keep you posted!

I need to write about this date so I can get it all out of my head and stop thinking about it. The problem is I’m really not sure where to begin. But I need to process it and clear my thoughts.

I’m not going to go into details, I’m not ready yet, but in the interest of moving forward I’m just going to make a list of all the words related to it that have been spinning around in my head….some of these won’t make any sense to you…

11 hour phone call

Cheeky chappy

Eye contact

Lips

Rules

Kisses

Impulse control

Laughter

Connection

Foreplay

Chemistry

Awkwardness

Odd job

Bus rides

Public toilets (no that’s not what you think!)

No sleep

Voice notes

Wheel chair (my Lordy some of these really need explaining!)

Freckles

Selfies

Different

Smile

Obstacles

I promise when I work this shit out you will be the first to read about it.

So I’m just on my way back from my date with The Horn Dog. He was sweet and funny and we kissed a LOT but I’m not sure if I felt any real connection. I liked him taking control and all of the kissing but when that stopped and we actually had to start talking i didn’t really feel anything.

I’m so glad I went though. If nothing else it’s got me out of my dating funk and made me confident enough to go dating again.

So last night I had a date with…let’s call him ginger #4. We went for a moonlit drive in his Mercedes Benz (not into cars at all so not sure if that’s a good one!) he was really nice to chat too but there was zero chemistry. I ve got nothing bad to say about the guy other than he just wasn’t for me.

He was my third POF date, we’ve only been speaking for a week and we had a few conversations. I kinda felt the spark wasn’t really there on message or on the phone but I’ve learnt not to be judgemental after hot but dull so I gave it a go and went anyway. I’m glad I did as I like meeting and learning about new people. Just wish it had ended in huge orgasms and not huge hugs!

We went to the cinema. Which I’ve always said is a shitty first date but now I’ve changed my mind! When I say I watched about 3 whole minutes of the film, got to third base and then we left early you can kind of see why the cinema is now my fave date place ever! After all the Blair Witch and blow jobs we went back to his and…well you know…suffice to say Mr Bumble got some honey and knows his way around the hive!

So what happens next? As you know I have zero expectations so we shall see.

It’s funny to think at the start of the week I was going on a date with Ringo who I will never talk to again and ended up having a very sufficient fumble with Mr Bumble…the turn around is so crazy with online dating!

I can’t actually believe I’m writing this right now…actually I can’t believe where I’m writing this from…Kermies bed! He’s asleep. Yes I’m as surprised about it as you all are. Almost a year to the day of our first date and shitloads of history later here we are!

Let me explain how this happened. Cosmic ordering works! I got my man with a beard…Erm no but it’s kinda strange. I don’t let myself think about kermie, it hurts too much (see previous blogs) He’s the only guy who I’ve ever had actual feelings for from online, but the other night I had a dream about him, then I was casually swiping on tinder and bam his face appears! After this I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Me being a swiping whore I also then saw him on pof…I think the universe was trying to tell me something after literally almost a year without seeing his face then seeing it loads within the space of a few weeks so I messaged him, I was fully expecting him to tell me to fuck off but he replied! Pof turned into whatsapp, turned into voice notes, turned into a 2 hour phone call, turned into this.

Meeting up was probably the most awkward moment of my life. I’ve literally been sick three times today but after a few drinks we loosened up and we ended back up at his.

I don’t know what’s going to happen going forward …maybe this was just bonus night? I hope it wasn’t. I’ve had another taste of that penis I can’t believe I’d forgotten about how amazing it was. Actually it’s so amazing I’m going to stop typing and get back on it!