The following is the email I sent to Endiku. Even to my own ears, it all sounds like excuses, but this is the best I can do to try to explain how I ended up deciding to leave Kenzie with Endiku...

Quote:

To start off, I had gotten really depressed and I was having bad vibes that the BO was going to flake out again. (Which she kind of did, I guess…surprise!) The signs were starting to turn against us, like the other times I’ve tried a long distance rescue/adoption that ultimately failed. From having no word from BO, to not being able to find a more appropriate trailer, and the one trailer I did have becoming unavailable soon…I really thought for sure it was going to fall apart in the end.

And then Bug happened…I’ve fallen for him. And so, since I had the feeling it was going to fall apart with Kenzie, I accepted Animal Control’s offer to adopt him if he remains unclaimed. And then the BO says “yes”…hhmmm, that would make 3. Perfect little herd for my home pasture.

Except we are now having issues with our property due to all the flooding we have been having. Our backhoe is mired so deep in mud that even with the help of our tractor, we couldn’t move it. We need to bring in a big tow truck to get it out. We are going to have to put in a bunch of culvert pipe and get control of the water before we can even get the ground to dry enough to drive on.

And the TICKS…oh good lord, the ticks are insane. As we are drying out the land, we are going to have to burn the vegetation off then disk a couple times, to try to kill off some of the **** ticks. I hate ticks…

Long story short, there is no way we will be getting the horses home this year. That means stall board at the fairgrounds for a year or so. Not good for a growing baby. And not cheap.

Then hubby says “don’t forget, we lost one of our income sources, we’ll be getting less each month now”. It’s not much less, but enough to keep it tight from paycheck to paycheck if I keep all 3 horses. There wouldn’t be any left to save up in case of emergencies. Or even to get Kenzie’s hernia fixed. Or keep up with the farrier care she will need. ****, can’t afford all 3 without bringing them home, can’t bring them home for quite awhile yet.

So then I had to decide between Kenzie and Bug.

Obviously, the need to quickly get her somewhere safe is pretty much a moot point since the BO seems in no hurry. So she has a place to stay until something better can be found.

Bug has nowhere to go, and will be offered to the first person to pay his adoption fee. Did I mention I’ve really fallen for this guy?

Then there’s the transport situation, the unknown status of availability for the one trailer, and the inability to find a more suitable one. I’ve really been concerned about that long of a trip in a two horse, especially since it would be her first long journey. And the weather won’t be getting any cooler the longer we wait, heat stroke sucks.

Then there’s the living situation for her. Without being able to bring her home, Kenzie would have to stay at the fairgrounds. Keeping her stall bound would be about the worst situation we could put her in, she needs to be out and moving.

**** it, I’m getting all depressed again…

I am so sorry to get everyone’s hopes up and have it all come down to naught. I’m sure they will be disappointed, and I know I sound like I’m making up excuses, but keeping her in a stall really bothers me. Fayde is 5 and Bug’s teeth say he is around 12 or so, so stalling isn’t nearly so hard on them.

So now we decide how to proceed. Funds will be returned or forwarded following the wishes of the gifter. Give us a bit to sort things out and make a plan to keep this as orderly a fashion as possible so everybodies donations get where they belong.

I'm so sorry and feel lower than a slug to get everybodies hopes up and then have it all fall apart.

I'm so sorry that it didn't work out for you, Faydesmom. It had to have been a very difficult decision to make but as you say, things just weren't lining up. I really like the idea of sending all the funds to Endiku so she can buy Kenzie and keep her. Maybe it was always meant to be that they be together.

Of course it is always the maintenance costs that are the real expense. Not sure if it's fair to have Endiku taking on even more than she already is, trying to finance board on her own. Darn, this just isn't getting any easier, is it. I am sure something wonderful will work out in the end. It's evidently just not exactly right yet.

Don't be down on yourself, Faydes! You tried really hard to make it work.

I am so sorry it didn't work out, but I understand your reasoning. When I read what you posted, to me it just sounds like you are putting the needs of the horses first

Its a shame I'm in no situation to take on another horse, let alone a rescue. I can just picture her running around on 50 acres. . . . :(

I'm praying for you guys, I believe there is a plan for her

Never forgot the horse that taught you to be fearless (Braveheart RIP) the horse that taught you to stay strong no matter how bumpy the road is (Caesar) and the horse that always had to test gravity by throwing you in the air (Cali)

I'll continue to pray for the best conclusion to this story. I understand there are some rescues that require an adoption fee to help cover the medical costs while rehabbing and can only assume the fee is higher than anticipated as well.

The trailer I was going to offer FM to haul Kenzie in had a blow out about a mile from my house as I was hauling it home after church yesterday. After further inspection the other three tires are rotted also.

Hopefully there is another home ready and waiting to find her. I offer my contribution to be saved until an adoption family comes along and then at that time the funds be given to that owner as a care fund for Kenzie's needs. It was meant for Kenzie and should still be used for her.

You guys are amazing. I keep saying that, but I really can't think of anything else to say that could describe you all.

My following jibberish isn't to make ANYONE feel bad, I'm just sort of talking this through in my head and putting it out there so we all know the situation clearly.

Its not the initial price of buying Kenzie that is my problem, it is, as someone else said, the maitenence. I love Kenzie to death and I'd do anything for her, but I just really can't figure out how I could possibly pay to keep her. She's most likely going to need hernia surgery at some point, her feet are still not in very good shape (she's going to need to grow a whole new hoof, I think), and its all I can do to pay the $110-$120 a month that it is costing me to feed her all of the things she needs...and thats with getting 'generics' of most of her food.

The only way I could possibly even think about buying Kenzie is if I immediately started working with her and advertising her all over town to try to find her a home....and if I possibly sold Sour. Sour has turned out to be a great little mare and I know she'd find a good home, but I think I'm just too selfish to sell her. She's my first horse, and since we've been to hell and back together, I've grown really attached to her, even if she doesn't particularly like me xD If I were to be able to buy Kenzie though, I'd have to find somewhere to board her where I could work part of that board off. Pasture board alone, with a do-it-yourself function, is at least $200-$250 here, up to $350 if you want them to feed one meal for you or something, and stall board + turn out is easily $400-700. Being that I'm only working for minimum wage taking 10-15 hours of work every week, I'm making a maximum of about $300 a month after taxes. Sour's board costs me $125 at the farm where Kenzie is, so even with just that and Kenzie's feed bill, I'm hitting the $250 mark right there, and I often have to spend the rest of my pay check on groceries or helping with MY medical bills. I'm what we call a 'hard keeper.' LOL

At the same time though...I'm not sure that I HAVE another option, other than to buy her. I highly doubt they're going to go for me attempting to arrange another long distance adoption, and again, me being selfish, I'm not so sure I want to try to deal with that again. I wouldn't have done anything differently and if I had to, I'd do it again, but this has all taken a pretty big toll on my mental sanity, I think. I don't handle pressure well if y'all haven't noticed

IF I can find a place that will let me work off part of Kenzie's board, IF I can even talk them into letting me buy her, and IF I can figure out what to do with Sour...then maybe. I'm still not sure that I have the experience/ability to do her justice training-wise, but as a temporary solution while I try to rehome her here in Texas, maybe I can pull it off. I can try to talk to my boss to see if I can pick up some more hours at work over the summer, and talk to my parents about it, and we'll see.

I'll have to wait a few days to decide about that though, because right now I'm sort of playing 'miss mommy' at home for my siblings and dad, because my mom had a death in her family and flew out this morning to Missouri. Add that to the fact that this is finals week, and I'm freaking out just a tad bit xD I'm such a worry wart!

For those who are wanting to forward the money to be used for Kenzie, I think if its ok with you all, we'll just keep any of that money with me and I'll use it for farrier care (if I can ever find one worth my time >.>) and for her feed, instead of past bills. I just don't think its a good idea to give the money to the rescue or to BO as of right now.

There is no one in their right mind that would fault you for not taking Kenzie in your all ready filled life. I assumed the BO was responsible for the farrier and feed since they are the ones who adopted her. How is there back bills if the BO/rescue own her? I guess there is still more to this story than I knew. I am very surprised that you are having to pay for her feed and care when you are only a volunteer and not a owner.

I will leave the decision to you on how to use my small donation correctly for Kenzie.

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