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Thursday, 2 May 2013

Keeping Positive when you're around Negativity

Keeping
Positive when you're around Negativity

Everything
is energy, including our thoughts and emotions. Emotions are
contagious. When you around someone and they are
stressed, our natural reaction may be to feel upset too. Sometimes
when you walk into a room, you can feel that the other person is
stressed. It means you have empathy which is normal.

If you feel
upset by another person's words, it may be because of an insecurity
or fear in you. If you heal your insecurities and fears, then their
words will not affect you.

Others
cannot destroy your inner peace, unless you let them.

Build
up your self-confidence.

With
enough self-confidence, other peoples negativity cant affect you, and
you might even influence the other person to be more positive. So,
be sure about who you are and your own beliefs and values. Take care
of yourself and value yourself. Being true to yourself is not selfish
or unloving. Be true to yourself because you love others.
By no longer enabling their behavior, they may learn to be
responsible for themselves. By being true to yourself, you are also
an encouragement to others to be true to themselves.

You
can choose how you feel, and others cannot – unless you let them.
They will probably respect you more if you respect yourself. It
is impossible to please everybody, so do what you believe is right.
Here are some things you can do to strengthen your
self-confidence:

-
Do this each morning, and when you need to during the day:
Go into a quiet room or outside by yourself, close your eyes, and
take some slow, deep breaths. Say some positive affirmations such
as: I am strong, valuable and loved, No-one can define how I feel but
me, I choose to be positive, I choose to be happy, I choose to have a
great day. I am deserving of love and respect. I attract positive
people. If people try to pull me down, it is about them, not me, and I choose not to take it on.

-
Make a conscious decision to be positive even if you come across
negativity. When you do
come across negativity, you can stop and ask yourself: Is this
feeling my own stress or their stress? If it yours, you need to deal
with it, if it is theirs, you can decide not to take it on, or just
let it go. It doesn't mean you are uncaring. You can help the
person and be there for them without taking on their negativity
yourself.

Don't
take it personally.

It
is more about them than it is about you.

Understanding
why they are negative really helps. All people who are being
negative, are that way because they are afraid of something. An
angry person may be afraid of losing control, or afraid of not being
understood. A critical person may have been hurt in the past and are
afraid of being hurt again. They may be stuck in negative beliefs.
Whatever the reason – the root cause of negativity is fear, every
time. This person really feels bad and is suffering with their
negativity. Think about what their intention may be. What
are they trying to achieve? If their intention is good, that is a
common ground that you can focus on with them. If they feel you care
about the same intention as them, they may feel better.

Tips
on talking with negative people:

You
may have to have a difficult conversation with the person to work
things out. Here are some tips to help you communicate with them:

-
Listen. You can help calm this person by offering understanding,
compassion and respect. You don’t have to agree with them, just
acknowledge their point of view. The best way to get this person to
listen to you is for you to listen to them first.

-
Calmly and confidently tell them want you would like to achieve and
why. Tell the person how they can benefit from what you are
suggesting. Make it a win-win.

-
Stick to the topic at hand. It could get very complicated if you or
the other person bring up unrelated issues or things from the past.
Stick to one topic and ask the other person to as well.

-
Do not try to change the other person or force them to do what you
want or to agree with you. It is impossible to force another person
to change. They are free to choose what they will do, as are you.

-
Using "I" statements will reduce their defensiveness. "I"
statements mean you own what you are saying and not accusing them of
anything. For example, instead of saying: "You are insulting
me", you could say: "I feel insulted when you say that".

-
Unwanted advice and criticism: Some advice you can
appreciate, when it's given kindly and respectfully. Some is
insulting, ignorant or disrespectful. In these cases, you could say
something like: “thank you for your advice, I have considered what
you said, but have decided to do...xyz... because it is working well
for me.”

-
To avoid being bullied, the best thing to do is not get upset or give
in to their demands. They want you to be upset, if you get upset,
they think they won. Don’t play their game. When they figure out it isn't
working, they will move on.

“The evil-doer is insulting himself by trying to insult you.”
~ Buddha

-
The “JADE” Technique:

Use
the Jade technique, to avoid getting into an argument. If
someone is saying things that are untrue, disrespectful or insulting,
don’t JADE: J = Justify A = Argue
D = Defend E = Explain. If you “Jade”, you are allowing them to
continue harassing you, and you may get into a pointless argument
that goes nowhere. Just say “no” and walk way.

“Do
not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be
just like him”~ Prov 26:4

Conclusion

I
hope these tips help you with dealing with negativity. If you can,
avoid the negativity and seek out positive friends, spend time around
positive people as much as you can, and do the things that make you
happy!

I
will finish with this awesome poem by Rudyard Kipling. Even though it
says “man” at the end, I think it applies to women also:

“If”
by Rudyard Kipling.

If you can keep
your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on
you; If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But
make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be
tired by waiting, Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or,
being hated, don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too
good, nor talk too wise; If you can dream
- and not make dreams your master; If you can think - and not
make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same; If you can bear
to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap
for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to broken, And
stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools; If you can make
one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of
pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And
never breath a word about your loss; If you can force your heart
and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will
which says to them: "Hold on"; If you can talk
with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with kings - nor lose
the common touch; If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt
you; If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can
fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance
run - Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And -
which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

Got
any tips or stories? Got any questions? Please hit reply with a
comment. :)