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Dinosaurs in The Bible (WTF)

Posted on: April 2, 2009 - 11:19pm

peppermint

Posts: 539

Joined: 2006-08-14

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Dinosaurs in The Bible (WTF)

You know, there's a point where I just have to sit back and laugh. All of these Christians running around like their head just got cut off over silly things like masturbation, all this creepy talk of JESUS LOVES YOU...I honestly sometimes find myself speechless at the strangeness of people.

One of the weirdest things I've seen lately on a forum...

Quote:

We have found some major verses that describe DINOSAURS in perfect detail. One thing to know about this is the word 'dinosaur' wasn't invented until the 1860s or so (close guestimate). One more thing, I had a friend try to tell me God wasn't saying this, if you read a bit back, you realize it is God.

Job 40:15-24 "Look at the behemoth, wich I have made along with you; He eats grass as an ox. See now, his strength is in his hips And his puwer is in his stomach muscles. He moves his tail like a tall cerdar tree; The sinews in his thighs are tightly knit. His bones are like beams of bronze, his ribs like bars of iron. He is the first of the ways of God; Only He who made him can bring him near His sword. Surely the mountains yeild food for him, and all the beasts of the feild play there. He lies under the lotus trees, in a convert of reeds and marsh. The lotus trees cover him with their shade; The willows by the brook surround him. Indeed the river may rage, yet he is not disturbed; He is confodent, though the Jordan rushes into his mouth, though he takes it in his eyes, or one peirce his noes with a snare."

...you're acting like it's, I don't know, unreasonable or something to suppose that the author of the Book of Job might have seen a living, breathing apatosaurus.

I mean...really now...dating of fossils and complete extinction of dinosaurs can't really be all that significant, can they? Why, the next thing I know, you'll be counting the legs on insects and birds, complaining about the Bible's estimation of pi, and saying something about bats being mammals.

It sounds like the writer is describing a hippopotamus, especially when he writes "...Jordan rushes into his mouth,...he takes it in his eyes, ...or pierce his nose with a snare." I've seen pictures of that in National Geographic. Hippos may well have lived in the Jordan 3000 years ago. Without doubt the auther would have known about Nile Hippos.

HeeHee.... I love the things that come outta theist mouth's sometimes. When will the literalists find out that they are causing more harm to their religion's credibility than any atheist. Creationism is almost predicated that dinosaurs and humans coexisted, so it's not unfair to think that christians will grasp at straws to prove their beliefs.

"Always seek out the truth, but avoid at all costs those that claim to have found it" ANONYMOUS

OK, the reason I went on about establishing this view of human intelligence before the flood is that I think that the creatures that we call dinosaurs were products of human experimentation.I think that before the flood, people had the knowledge and resources to investigate the ideas of cloning and crossbreeding and other genetic stuff; and that dinosaurs such as the T-Rex and repturs (no clue how to spell that) and even "peaceful" dinosaurs were the result of genetic research. Because if God created them in Eden, why didn't he make room for them in the ark? And why would he provide for them after they left the ark like he did other animals? And why wouldn't we have the same animals now (or at least similar) as God made at creation? It doesn't make sense to me.

Sigh. At what point will theists stop suspending logic and trying to prove the validity of a bunch of ancient texts, and realize IT'S ALL BULLSHIT!!!

You know, there's a point where I just have to sit back and laugh. All of these Christians running around like their head just got cut off over silly things like masturbation, all this creepy talk of JESUS LOVES YOU...I honestly sometimes find myself speechless at the strangeness of people.

One of the weirdest things I've seen lately on a forum...

Quote:

We have found some major verses that describe DINOSAURS in perfect detail. One thing to know about this is the word 'dinosaur' wasn't invented until the 1860s or so (close guestimate). One more thing, I had a friend try to tell me God wasn't saying this, if you read a bit back, you realize it is God.

Job 40:15-24 "Look at the behemoth, wich I have made along with you; He eats grass as an ox. See now, his strength is in his hips And his puwer is in his stomach muscles. He moves his tail like a tall cerdar tree; The sinews in his thighs are tightly knit. His bones are like beams of bronze, his ribs like bars of iron. He is the first of the ways of God; Only He who made him can bring him near His sword. Surely the mountains yeild food for him, and all the beasts of the feild play there. He lies under the lotus trees, in a convert of reeds and marsh. The lotus trees cover him with their shade; The willows by the brook surround him. Indeed the river may rage, yet he is not disturbed; He is confodent, though the Jordan rushes into his mouth, though he takes it in his eyes, or one peirce his noes with a snare."

Clearly this is from a Protestant or Evangelical as the Catholic version makes clear that it is an elephant being discussed. This version includes explanations as perceived by the Catholic Church:

douay-rheims wrote:

10 Behold behemoth whom I made with thee, he eateth grass like an ox.

10"Behemoth"... In Hebrew, behema, which signifies in general an animal; but many authors explain, that here it is put for the elephant.

11 His strength is in his loins, and his force in the navel of his belly. 12 He setteth up his tail like a cedar, the sinews of his testicles are wrapped together. 13 His bones are like pipes of brass, his gristle like plates of iron. 14 He is the beginning of the ways of God, who made him, he will apply his sword. 15 To him the mountains bring forth grass: there all the beasts of the field shall play.

14 "He will apply his sword"... This text is variously explained: some explain the sword, the horn given to the animal for his defence: others, the power that God hath given to the animal for his defence: others, the power that God hath given to man to slay him, notwithstanding his great size and strength.

16 He sleepeth under the shadow, in the covert of the reed, and in moist places. 17 The shades cover his shadow, the willows of the brook shall compass him about. 18 Behold, he will drink up a river, and not wonder: and he trusteth that the Jordan may run into his mouth. 19 In his eyes as with a hook he shall take him, and bore through his nostrils with stakes.

The forum where the Job quote originated continues on to rant about dragons and discount the animal discussed from being either a hippo or an elephant. That there may be a logical explanation and the writer in Job was just using the largest land and sea animals he knew about to show what he perceived to be the power of the god is discounted. Instead they try to fit their fantasy beliefs and misconceptions such that they can promote their delusions as part of reality. I see no hope for these people in the real world.

As Greek Goddess points out they even try to give man credit for genetic manipulation and cross breeding which causes the god to flood the world. Delusion has no limits.

____________________________________________________________
"I guess it's time to ask if you live under high voltage power transmission lines which have been shown to cause stimulation of the fantasy centers of the brain due to electromagnetic waves?" - Me

"God is omnipotent, omniscient, omnibenevolent, - it says so right here on the label. If you have a mind capable of believing all three of these divine attributes simultaneously, I have a wonderful bargain for you. No checks please. Cash and in small bills." - Robert A Heinlein.

The obvious solution here is that the dinosaurs were magic like unicorns, and humans rode them into battle while they shot missles and lasers at eachother.

I claim biblical evidence to support this.

I think you have found the Hindu version.

____________________________________________________________
"I guess it's time to ask if you live under high voltage power transmission lines which have been shown to cause stimulation of the fantasy centers of the brain due to electromagnetic waves?" - Me

"God is omnipotent, omniscient, omnibenevolent, - it says so right here on the label. If you have a mind capable of believing all three of these divine attributes simultaneously, I have a wonderful bargain for you. No checks please. Cash and in small bills." - Robert A Heinlein.

It sounds like the writer is describing a hippopotamus, especially when he writes "...Jordan rushes into his mouth,...he takes it in his eyes, ...or pierce his nose with a snare." I've seen pictures of that in National Geographic. Hippos may well have lived in the Jordan 3000 years ago. Without doubt the auther would have known about Nile Hippos.

That's exactly the same thing I was thinking.

If the person in question had been describing an apatosaur, he wouldn't have used terms like bars of iron or beams of bronze. He would have used terms more akin to tree trunks and houses, something that more closely resembled the stature of the creature.

It sounds like the writer is describing a hippopotamus, especially when he writes "...Jordan rushes into his mouth,...he takes it in his eyes, ...or pierce his nose with a snare." I've seen pictures of that in National Geographic. Hippos may well have lived in the Jordan 3000 years ago. Without doubt the auther would have known about Nile Hippos.

That's exactly the same thing I was thinking.

If the person in question had been describing an apatosaur, he wouldn't have used terms like bars of iron or beams of bronze. He would have used terms more akin to tree trunks and houses, something that more closely resembled the stature of the creature.

Devil's advocate here. Doesn't "'He moves his tail like a tall cerdar tree;'" describe just that? What hippo's tail is like a tall cerdar tree?

Actually they missed the boat on that one, the first attempt to put dinos and humans together was the Flinstones. Now if the Flinstones isn't an anthropology documentary, I don't know what is. COME ON, it must be real because we hear human voices in it!

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."ObamaCheck out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under BrianJames Rational Poet also on twitter under Brianrrs37

Big, sharp teeth do not mean an animal is a meat eater. Bears have teeth that are big and sharp, similar to a lion's. Yet many bears are mostly vegetation. Chinese Pandas have very sharp teeth. They need those sharp teeth because bamboo, their only food, is very hard to chew. There are numerous examples of animals that only eat plants, and that have very sharp teeth. An animal with big, sharp teeth just means that it is an animal with big, sharp teeth--nothing more.

So, Adam and Eve did not have to worry about being eaten by dinosaurs.

By the way, it not until Genesis 9:3, just after Noah's flood and about 1500 years after Adam and Eve were created, that God gives the animals to man as food. From that point on people started eating meat.

*Our world is far more complex than the rigid structure we want to assign to it, and we will probably never fully understand it.*

"Those believers who are sophisticated enough to understand the paradox have found exciting ways to bend logic into pretzel shapes in order to defend the indefensible." - Hamby

"There are people who believe that dianosaurs and men lived together and they roamed the earth at the same time. There are museums that children go to in which they build dioramahs to show them this...and what this is... purely and simply is a clinical psychotic reaction. They are Crazy. They are stone cold fuck nuts.I can't be kind about this because these people are watching the Flintstones as if it were a documentary."

It sounds like the writer is describing a hippopotamus, especially when he writes "...Jordan rushes into his mouth,...he takes it in his eyes, ...or pierce his nose with a snare." I've seen pictures of that in National Geographic. Hippos may well have lived in the Jordan 3000 years ago. Without doubt the auther would have known about Nile Hippos.

That's exactly the same thing I was thinking.

If the person in question had been describing an apatosaur, he wouldn't have used terms like bars of iron or beams of bronze. He would have used terms more akin to tree trunks and houses, something that more closely resembled the stature of the creature.

Devil's advocate here. Doesn't "'He moves his tail like a tall cerdar tree;'" describe just that? What hippo's tail is like a tall cerdar tree?

Just say'n...

Most likely a reference to the flexibility of the tree as opposed to it's actual size though. Bars of iron and beams of bronze make it clear that we aren't talking about something as big as a tree.

It sounds like the writer is describing a hippopotamus, especially when he writes "...Jordan rushes into his mouth,...he takes it in his eyes, ...or pierce his nose with a snare." I've seen pictures of that in National Geographic. Hippos may well have lived in the Jordan 3000 years ago. Without doubt the auther would have known about Nile Hippos.

That's exactly the same thing I was thinking.

If the person in question had been describing an apatosaur, he wouldn't have used terms like bars of iron or beams of bronze. He would have used terms more akin to tree trunks and houses, something that more closely resembled the stature of the creature.

Devil's advocate here. Doesn't "'He moves his tail like a tall cerdar tree;'" describe just that? What hippo's tail is like a tall cerdar tree?

Just say'n...

Most likely a reference to the flexibility of the tree as opposed to it's actual size though. Bars of iron and beams of bronze make it clear that we aren't talking about something as big as a tree.

Fair enough. Yeah, anyone in this century who believes OT characters hungout with dinos is_____________ (insert choice adjective of choice).

The obvious solution here is that the dinosaurs were magic like unicorns, and humans rode them into battle while they shot missles and lasers at eachother.

I claim biblical evidence to support this.

ARE YOU BLASPHEMING ALLAH? Everyone knows that lasers were an invention of Allah! I know this to be fact because a Muslim quoted a verse in the Koran talking about "mountains moving". Come on, if one observes an earthquake that must mean Muhammed knew about plate tectonics.

You are such a party pooper not buying into Dungions and Dragons thinking.

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."ObamaCheck out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under BrianJames Rational Poet also on twitter under Brianrrs37

It sounds like the writer is describing a hippopotamus, especially when he writes "...Jordan rushes into his mouth,...he takes it in his eyes, ...or pierce his nose with a snare." I've seen pictures of that in National Geographic. Hippos may well have lived in the Jordan 3000 years ago. Without doubt the auther would have known about Nile Hippos.

That's exactly the same thing I was thinking.

If the person in question had been describing an apatosaur, he wouldn't have used terms like bars of iron or beams of bronze. He would have used terms more akin to tree trunks and houses, something that more closely resembled the stature of the creature.

Devil's advocate here. Doesn't "'He moves his tail like a tall cerdar tree;'" describe just that? What hippo's tail is like a tall cerdar tree?

Just say'n...

Most likely a reference to the flexibility of the tree as opposed to it's actual size though. Bars of iron and beams of bronze make it clear that we aren't talking about something as big as a tree.

Fair enough. Yeah, anyone in this century who believes OT characters hungout with dinos is_____________ (insert choice adjective of choice).

I think you have been watching too many Austin Powers sexual enuendo endings........Mellons in front of real mellons doesn't fool anyone.

"hung out with dinos is "FUCKED UP, ASININE AND ABSURD"

I am not afraid of nipples or cuss words.

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."ObamaCheck out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under BrianJames Rational Poet also on twitter under Brianrrs37

You're soooo right I never even thought of it that way! And you know, panda bears eat bamboo so that means they would never ever attack a human under any circumstances. It's ~never~ happened before.

That's totally different. When God made panda bears, he made them evil, and painted them black and white, so we'd know. Look at the zebra: clearly evil. You can see it in those evil zebra eyes.

And just imagine if all you had to eat was bamboo. I'd be cranky, too!

Man, it's a good thing we have religion, or we'd never even know about evil, creation, and all the scientific knowledge it imparts about dinosaurs.

Heresy! The Panda is god! Bow to The Panda, beg for its forgiveness! Or live forever without....something. I can't tell you what. You have to send me $99.99 to prove you have the devotion to start worshipping the Panda God.

Some people believe that the Bible is not a scientifically accurate book, and that it is only a “spiritual book,” that forgot about dinosaurs or described them incorrectly. This is not the case. Nobody has ever proven that the Bible contains any inaccurately recorded information.

LOLLERCOASTER! Nobody has ever proven that the Bible is innacurate BECAUSE you've never proved it is! DUH. These people make my brain silly...

Quote:

(If you think someone has such evidence, contact us: and show us the evidence. We will post that evidence with our reply in our FAQ section for the world to see—literally.)

I'm sure that would be a treat...

Quote:

However, Christianity is not a blind faith. It is the only religion that can prove itself, and a main source of that proof is the Bible.

O RLY?

Quote:

One of the strongest arguments for the accuracy of the Bible is its 100% accuracy in predicting the future.

No.

Quote:

The Bible frequently refers to the great number of stars in the heavens.

Congratulations. It's not fucking obvious or anything if you look outside at night.

Quote:

The Bible also says that each star is unique.

It says one star differs from another in glory. Again, congratulations. That's a pretty obvious thing, seeing as all the stars are DIFFERENT STARS. Jesus.

Quote:

The Bible describes biogenesis (the development of living organisms from other living organisms) and the stability of each kind of living organism.

Yes, it's called observations of the obvious made by humans.

Quote:

It is a proven fact that a person’s mental and spiritual health is strongly correlated with physical health

No, it's really not, because we don't have a spirit.

Quote:

We have cave paintings and other evidence that people inhabited caves. The Bible also describes cave men.

Not really. Now you're just stretching it:

Job 30:5,6 They were driven out from among men, They shouted at them as at a thief.They had to live in the clefts of the valleys,In caves of the earth and the rocks.

I feel like I'm reading a book for idiots. I can't do this anymore, guys...

*Our world is far more complex than the rigid structure we want to assign to it, and we will probably never fully understand it.*

"Those believers who are sophisticated enough to understand the paradox have found exciting ways to bend logic into pretzel shapes in order to defend the indefensible." - Hamby

Aww, those kids are so cute. The museum should beat their parents/tour guides with tasers.

They are cute, aren't they? Too bad their parents are brainwashing them into spouting such nonsense. After the tour guides are in the ground, they should be beaten with a copy of ''Origin of the Species''