Reality series to reunite Ryan and Tatum O’Neal

Estranged father and daughter fuck-ups Ryan and Tatum O’Neal are planning to smooth over years of bad blood, reports of physical and emotional abuse, and the pass that churned stomachs around the world, by reuniting for cameras and the schadenfreude scavengers that are reality TV mavens. According to Entertainment Weekly, the “docu-soap” will chart the progress of the Paper Moon stars’ attempts to reconcile their fractured relationship by appealing to three of the cardinal strategies outlined in the reality TV playbook: First, combine volatile personalities under one roof; second, introduce bogus mediator to stir drama rather than settle it; third, always be instigating. Despite 25 years of avoidance, the strength of the almighty dollar will force Tatum O’Neal to move into Ryan’s Malibu home, where cameras will follow them to auditions, capture the moving healing process during therapy sessions, and record their dating lives, preferably without Ryan mistaking his daughter for a potential partner. With any luck, John McEnroe will be tricked into a series appearance.

The series is still waiting for a network. Thankfully, a sequel series starring the tear-filled reunion of Mackenzie and John Phillips is absolutely impossible.