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Roommate moved his S/O in out of the blue?

Hi all! I've been living in a 3-bedroom apartment since July of 2018 with two roommates. One of those roommates texted me last night to let me know that his girlfriend will be living with us for the remainder of our one year leasing term - apparently effective for several days already. When I responded that a four-way rent split sounded good to me, he told me they would not be paying any additional rent (but were planning to split utilities four ways).

I contacted my other roommate earlier today to get his opinion on the situation and figure out how to best move forward, and roommate #2 responded that he doesn't have a problem with the situation as it stands. He thinks it's something that only concerns him and #1, as those three spend significantly more time at home occupying the living space (they're both undergrad students). #2 also seems to think that I should either cede the master bedroom (where I sleep) to the new couple, or start paying a larger share of rent to reflect the larger room I live in. I get the impression that #2 was aware of the move-in situation beforehand and I'm the last to know, as well as being the last to know about the unrest with my being in the master bedroom.

What are my options here? Should I aggressively push for a 4-way rent split? Is this something I should immediately go to my leasing office about? For the last half year or so there's never been any discussion initiated (or hinted at) about weighting my rent to reflect my larger bedroom. I want to be as reasonable as possible with these guys, but having #1 move his s/o in and let me know after the fact has left a really sour taste in my mouth. This is compounded by #2 indicating that he had prior knowledge of both the move and the new interest in my master bedroom that move generated.

Posts

Don’t give up your room. Don’t pay any more rent. Everyone was fine with the living situation before, they can’t change things midway just because they decided to move their S/O in to not pay any share of the rent.

Check whatever paperwork you all signed when you moved in. That should tell you whether or not this stunt is even allowed under the rental agreement.

“I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
-Indiana Solo, runner of blades

What you're going to want to do depends on whether or not you want to maintain your relationship with the roommates.

First off, having an extra person who is not on the lease agreement is a massive breach of contract and if the landlord catches wind of it and none of you informed them there will be consequences, up to and including eviction. Telling them about the situation though pretty much guarantees you will immediately turn the roommates against you, so you'll likely have to end up finding another place at the end of the agreement or sooner, depending on just how hostile they get.

Second, don't budge on the master bedroom. That's your room, it's been your room, it's been acknowledged to be your room. You pay the same equal share of the rent as everyone else, not a penny more, and if they have issue with that then you'll have to decide again whether it's worth the peace to give in or stand your ground, but know that if you do stand your ground there's nothing they can do about it.

You're in luck with the fact that you do have a lease contract, because it protects you in these sort of situations. You just have to decide your course of action.

Madican on January 6

PSN: AuthorFrost

+1

CambiataCommander ShepardThe likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered Userregular

If a fourth person is living there, they should have to pay some rent, or the rent of the guy who brought his roommate should increase. They have no right to ask or expect you to leave your room or increase your rent. I assume her name is not on the lease, so you might want to bring this up with the landlord. Honestly if it were me I'd start looking for a new place to live and abdicate all responsibility for the lease, since they are trying to change the lease mid-stream without so much as asking your permission (by adding a fourth tenant I mean).

I've been trying to decide whether to contact the leasing office before or after we all get together and discuss this! I would assume that the moment they get word of the situation they'll take action anyway, so it would be nice to avoid that route if possible, but I feel like I'm being forced into a bit of a corner here.

It's worth noting that I'm almost positive roommate #1 has not contacted the leasing office about adding his s/o to the lease, as I've heard nothing from them lately (emails tend to go to me first as the primary leasee).

[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

0

ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderatormod

You are the primary on the lease? Yeah fuck them, it's your room, and not only that but you should absolutely be in on the decision of who is paying what. I would be finding out if it's possible to move and take your name off the lease leaving them with the garbage responsibility of finding a new roommate, and if they don't like that they can decide if they want to pay half each or not. IMO they are taking serious advantage of you when as it stands you will likely be responsible in the end otherwise. Alternatively, if that's not possible and you have the money to do so, you can probably break the lease early and find something cheaper and smaller where you don't have to worry about someone using your name to move in their SO using your resources without your knowledge or consent and leaving you holding the bag. It's a bad situation and I think you should do everything possible to get out of it if you can. Then again I take a particularly dim view of this kind of thing and my gut reaction is BURN IT TO THE GROUND AND SALT THE EARTH BEHIND YOU (the lease/rental agreement, not the apartment, obviously I hope).

No matter what happens next this is not going to go well for you and probably never going to turn into a stress-free environment after this. Not worth it. It will cost you money to break the lease; if you can swing it that's what I'd do.

I have never heard of anyone having a good experience from one of their roommates having a significant other move in. They rarely pay rent. They WILL up your utilities in ways you can’t easily track. They WILL eat your food and also slowly take over the common areas. It won’t even be necessarily malicious. But it will become a pain in your ass. Was this one of those move in with random people suites that developers around colleges like to do? Like Copper Beech? It can be hard to get them to enforce the lease because they don’t care as long as they get their money.

Fuzzy Cumulonimbus Cloud on January 6

+13

ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderatormod

I mean, it's a different situation when you are all in the decision, you come up with a solution between the four of you, and everyone can be happy with the amount of rent they pay and space allocation going forward. Then everyone can get through their growing pains with some degree of trust that things that come up can be discussed and worked out before someone loses it, because that's the foundation for the new arrangement.

That is not what happened here. There can be no trust between you at this point if they are going to make such a major decision without even asking for your input. NOPE your way out of that shit ASAP. If they can do this to you without your permission (and they should have gotten your blessing as one of the parties involved at the very least), you can bounce without theirs.

The lack of any sort of heads-up is definitely a prime mover here, yeah. It's gonna be really tough to take anything roommate #1 says seriously or in good faith after knowing he was willing to go through with such a major decision and keep me out of the loop - deliberately? - until after the decision was made.

I guess the only real decision to make at this point is whether to have a conversation with my leasing office before or after a conversation with the roommates.

[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

0

ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderatormod

First ask if you can remove your name from the lease, or what it would cost to break it. Go into all of this making sure you have all the cards possible. Make the call first thing tomorrow. Decide if you can swing the move out, or the worst thing they can do in retaliation and what it will cost you. Depending on what you find out, you should decide for yourself if staying with them for another seven months is worth the stress. If you feel it isn't, I would honestly get your ducks in a row before talking to them. That is seriously some garbage.

It might be worth asking if you can have someone else take over the lease and avoid some of the early termination fees. Though if she has shit credit or has been evicted in the past this wont matter because they would do a normal credit and rental history check on anyone taking over. Your deposit is probably gone but maybe. I just wouldn't count on it coming back to your pocket in time to help you move.

While I don't necessarily agree that the rent should be split evenly, there should have been a conversation about all of this. It's disrespectful bullshit and if you can afford to leave I definitely would. I'd rather live in a tiny studio than share an apartment with someone that doesn't seem to know about basic roommate etiquette. I'd expect someone who would do this shit to also one day without any notice tell you he and his girlfriend are moving out.

Everyone has covered why this course of action by your roommates is unacceptable. Your courses of action most realistically are:

1. Block the SO from moving in by alerting the lease company and letting your roomates know that she's not on the lease and cannot move in. Of course after this it probably won't be pleasant to live with them! Maybe you can make it until the lease ends. I suspect your lease company will back you here. New tenants usually can't be added unless all existing tenants and the lease company agree.

2. Find a way to get off the lease and move out. This will be costly if you are not on a month to month.

I personally would not feel comfortable trying to make a compromise with them after this action. Protect yourself and enforce the rules.

So It Goes on January 6

+21

ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderatormod

Maybe it's because I'm not through my coffee yet, but this is reading like sarcasm to me. I hope not, because with no further elaboration that would be pretty obnoxious!

I've thought about it a bit because it's the kind of situation I've found myself in a few times. While retaliation rather that conversation is almost never the way to go IMO because I am excessively naive and think I can always stop the buck if only I'm willing to sit down and talk, this is not so much a transgression as a fairly major breech of trust.

I honestly believe it's best to have a clear route of escape (whether taken before speaking to them or not), because people who are going to make a decision like whether or not a person lives with you without so much as a word before they make it happen (and then tell you to move rooms or pay more) are probably going to move you if you say no. If you go "yeah I'm not doing that," which in my opinion you absolutely should make crystal clear ASAP, be fully prepared to come home to find your things in his room and their shit in yours.

Even if Roommate #1 had called a house meeting ahead of time and said "my girlfriend needs to move, for reasons I don't want to go into it needs to happen now, how can we make this work" then a) even if he didn't budge on the fact that it was happening you could have come up with a way to make the situation okay together, or discussed concerns/changes to the arrangement you have now, b) you have known even a little ahead of time and had time to mentally prepare, c) it leaves room for the kind of situation where abuse might be a factor in her need to move so fast, and d) you could have come away from the situation with some kind of trust in your roommate, which is so important when you are in something together. Because what do the reasons matter now if they're willing to do something like this without talking to you?

You might have the best luck if you come to them with a plan for how to split the rent (since it sounds like you're mostly ok with that, your first reaction was 'four way split is good to me!). Since they aren't okay with a straight 4-way split then you still need to do something to account for the shared space. I'm a weirdo who likes puzzles like this and I've actually done this split before so I can sketch it out.

Let's say your rent is $1800, so currently you're each paying $600 + utilities. Utilities they're already willing to do a 4-way split (and it's the only way do to that really) so we can ignore them for the rest of the conversation.

So roommate #1 wants to pay $300. He certainly doesn't want to pay $450* (1/4 even split) for a shared room.

Roommate #2 doesn't want to cause trouble, and is ok paying what he already pays $600. He also wants you to pay more for the master.

What they want to ignore is that the use of the common spaces is absolutely valuable and should be split just as much as utilities.
We're talking kitchen, laundry room, doing things like having guests over, putting on tv/music/etc, keeping your stuff/food outside of your room... and the more people you have sharing these the less likely any one person is able to use the resource they want to when the want to.

Ok, so the process I do for making a split like this:
First, I figure out what I call 'exclusions'; unique things that only one person will get to enjoy. For me this has been the master bed and the associated private bathroom, and use of the garage+driveway. Give them a value. Right now only the master is in play so let's call it $50 a month. That gets subtracted from the rent.
Then the rent is broken up into shares, every person pays one share for all the common use, and then each bedroom is worth one share. So you'd owe two shares, people in the same room would owe 1.5 shares.
Then, you add back in the exclusions to the appropriate people. So with this the breakdown would be $550 for you, $375 each for RM#1 and GF, and $500 for RM#2. Everyone pays less. You get the worst deal but you still have the master and you only would've been saving $100 more with a clean 4-way split.
If they want the master then it would be $500/$400/$400/$500 which also looks pretty good all around.

At any rate, this only applies if you want to actually try and make a compromise. RM#1 already majorly broke trust by moving someone into your home without not only your consent, but without even consulting you.

*tbh I bet he's actually fine with that but there's an irrational voice saying it's unfair to pay $450 to share when the others are paying the same for their own rooms, or his gf isn't going to pay so he can't afford going up from $600 to $900...

Aioua on January 7

life's a game that you're bound to lose / like using a hammer to pound in screws
fuck up once and you break your thumb / if you're happy at all then you're god damn dumb
that's right we're on a fucked up cruise / God is dead but at least we have booze
bad things happen, no one knows why / the sun burns out and everyone dies

Also, imo, that math highlights the diminishing returns with more roommates. (having lived with 3+ room mates the majority of my life) 3 to 4 I always felt was the worst jump. 4 people fill a house much more than 3 but you only get 25% off your rent at best.

Aioua on January 7

life's a game that you're bound to lose / like using a hammer to pound in screws
fuck up once and you break your thumb / if you're happy at all then you're god damn dumb
that's right we're on a fucked up cruise / God is dead but at least we have booze
bad things happen, no one knows why / the sun burns out and everyone dies

+2

CambiataCommander ShepardThe likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered Userregular

Maybe it's because I'm not through my coffee yet, but this is reading like sarcasm to me. I hope not, because with no further elaboration that would be pretty obnoxious!

I've thought about it a bit because it's the kind of situation I've found myself in a few times. While retaliation rather that conversation is almost never the way to go IMO because I am excessively naive and think I can always stop the buck if only I'm willing to sit down and talk, this is not so much a transgression as a fairly major breech of trust.

I honestly believe it's best to have a clear route of escape (whether taken before speaking to them or not), because people who are going to make a decision like whether or not a person lives with you without so much as a word before they make it happen (and then tell you to move rooms or pay more) are probably going to move you if you say no. If you go "yeah I'm not doing that," which in my opinion you absolutely should make crystal clear ASAP, be fully prepared to come home to find your things in his room and their shit in yours.

Even if Roommate #1 had called a house meeting ahead of time and said "my girlfriend needs to move, for reasons I don't want to go into it needs to happen now, how can we make this work" then a) even if he didn't budge on the fact that it was happening you could have come up with a way to make the situation okay together, or discussed concerns/changes to the arrangement you have now, b) you have known even a little ahead of time and had time to mentally prepare, c) it leaves room for the kind of situation where abuse might be a factor in her need to move so fast, and d) you could have come away from the situation with some kind of trust in your roommate, which is so important when you are in something together. Because what do the reasons matter now if they're willing to do something like this without talking to you?

Yeah, you've crystallized exactly what I was thinking into words. Whatever trust the roommates had before, they have now smashed, and I would expect them capable of any of the above. Once moving in a new roommate who pays no rent is a thing they'll do without your consent, there are a lot of other things in your living situation that they'll obviously do without your consent, too!

Honestly, I think any of the routes you take are probably going to be ugly. Assuming you get along well enough with the GF, I’d probably just have a conversation about not coming to you and asking first (since it’s your home too!), and accept the 4-way utility split (unless it somehow results in your share going up from its average). Your OP mentioned that RM1, GF, and RM2 spend significantly more time occupying the living space already anyway, so not much would really change with her living there it seems.

I would not however cede your bedroom. They made the choice to add an extra roommate without consulting you, and knowing that it’d mean RM1 and GF would be sharing RM1’s space. If they aren’t sharing the rent, there’s no reason they should be entitled to more space. Switching rooms may be something to consider if they are willing to take on more of the rent, but only if you’re okay with that (I might also be leery of taking their word on any deals like that at first). If they try any shenanigans like moving your stuff when you aren’t there, then I’d consider notifying the leasing office as it’s just going to get worse.

Maybe it's because I'm not through my coffee yet, but this is reading like sarcasm to me. I hope not, because with no further elaboration that would be pretty obnoxious!

I've thought about it a bit because it's the kind of situation I've found myself in a few times. While retaliation rather that conversation is almost never the way to go IMO because I am excessively naive and think I can always stop the buck if only I'm willing to sit down and talk, this is not so much a transgression as a fairly major breech of trust.

I honestly believe it's best to have a clear route of escape (whether taken before speaking to them or not), because people who are going to make a decision like whether or not a person lives with you without so much as a word before they make it happen (and then tell you to move rooms or pay more) are probably going to move you if you say no. If you go "yeah I'm not doing that," which in my opinion you absolutely should make crystal clear ASAP, be fully prepared to come home to find your things in his room and their shit in yours.

Even if Roommate #1 had called a house meeting ahead of time and said "my girlfriend needs to move, for reasons I don't want to go into it needs to happen now, how can we make this work" then a) even if he didn't budge on the fact that it was happening you could have come up with a way to make the situation okay together, or discussed concerns/changes to the arrangement you have now, b) you have known even a little ahead of time and had time to mentally prepare, c) it leaves room for the kind of situation where abuse might be a factor in her need to move so fast, and d) you could have come away from the situation with some kind of trust in your roommate, which is so important when you are in something together. Because what do the reasons matter now if they're willing to do something like this without talking to you?

It's not sarcasm. They clearly worked this out between themselves and are trying to pass it off as a fait accompli

In my book that means any qualms the OP might have about "going behind their back" to the landlord can and should be ignored.

I got them together this evening so we could all "get on the same page" and figure out a plan moving forward. #1's s/o was not present even though I requested she be, but I decided not to push it since she was home and pretty clearly listening from his room.

After a lot of rough discussion involving the word "no", I think I was able to try and get to a more workable starting line for this. I explained the huge issue with my being forced into a contract breach - without any prior knowledge - as well as the compounded effect the initial rent stonewalling had. I repeatedly stressed the idea that i don't have much issue with #1 moving his s/o in, under the conditions that she be added to the lease and, after that happens, we all sit down to approach rent from a 4-way split starting point. If these things happen, then I don't have an issue negotiating a bit of extra weight into my portion of the rent to accommodate the master bedroom. My staying in that room is not negotiable, nor is the idea that I'm not willing to pay for someone else to live here.

I've given #1 the week to talk to the leasing folks himself and try to get his s/o on the lease. I also asked (warned) him to try and avoid forcing me to talk to the leasing agency instead.

Almost every point brought up seemed to revolve around their inexperience as leasees and lack of knowledge concerning leasing policies; there was a lot of time spent explaining how the leasing contract worked, how and why we are currently breaching it, and the idea that we are collectively paying for the right to use the ENTIRETY of the living space as we see fit, as well as the collective liability involved (I am still on the hook for damage incurred to one of their rooms). #2 felt like I had taken advantage of their inexperience by not initially offering to weight my own rent for the master bedroom, which is a sentiment I want to treat with some levity - although I'm wary of the slippery slope that kind of thought process might move towards.

I also may have forgotten to turn my phone's voice memo app off until the conversation was over. Just in case there's any future dispute over exactly what was discussed and where that ended up, of course!

We've been in a similar situation before and I'd second the call earlier for scorched earth tactics. One of the bigger risks here is they try to damage or steal property from you once your intentions become clear. Photograph everything. Install a real lock on your door. If possible, store valuable stuff off site.

I'm strongly considering a lock for my door - the worry is just that it will "reset" any progress I was able to make tonight w.r.t. trying to reframe the situation as a more potentially united front. I may wait and see if there's a follow-through this week first.

On the one hand, so far it sounds like all your roomies are at least sane enough to talk things out; on the other, you can install a pretty low-key smart lock you can open and close with a phone app. There's one from Kwikset that's fairly small and unassuming, depending on where your door is.

The alternative is also sticking a motion based smart camera in there, so you know if anyone pokes around in there. You can get one as cheap as 80 bucks from D-Link.

On the one hand, so far it sounds like all your roomies are at least sane enough to talk things out; on the other, you can install a pretty low-key smart lock you can open and close with a phone app. There's one from Kwikset that's fairly small and unassuming, depending on where your door is.

The alternative is also sticking a motion based smart camera in there, so you know if anyone pokes around in there. You can get one as cheap as 80 bucks from D-Link.

Just make sure to face it into and not out of your room. I'm sure the wrong way could cause all kinds of trouble if discovered.

tbh you should be paying more for your room. It's a bit late for them to try and renegotiate but you are getting a sweet deal already by paying the same for the largest space. I think offering it as a negotiating tactic was a good idea.

spool32 on January 7

+16

CambiataCommander ShepardThe likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered Userregular

I mean, kinda they are, yeah? Moving in an extra tenant in breach of a signed contract could be looked on as theft.

didn't they say they'd pay more for utilities? I'll agree it's not a cool thing to do, but I can't make the leap to 'better make sure they don't steal my laptop' or something

Paying more for utilities doesn't adress the contract with the landlord. Keeping stuff like this from a landlord, and asking your roomies to keep it under wraps is pretty sketchy and is the sort of thing that can get you evicted. Is breach of a signed contract theft? Depends on your point of view, but for me the answer is yes.

tbh you should be paying more for your room. It's a bit late for them to try and renegotiate but you are getting a sweet deal already by paying the same for the largest space. I think offering it as a negotiating tactic was a good idea.

This was my line of thought as well. The tricky bit for me here is trying to take that seriously when it has such perfect timing with #1's new space issues...explaining how bad that looked was met with blank stares and confusion.

As long as #1 can fix the problem he made and make sure there's no breach of contract I think that's fine! And it will certainly help my budget to begin from a lower base number (due to a new split) and entertain a reasonable rent increase from there.

I mean, kinda they are, yeah? Moving in an extra tenant in breach of a signed contract could be looked on as theft.

didn't they say they'd pay more for utilities? I'll agree it's not a cool thing to do, but I can't make the leap to 'better make sure they don't steal my laptop' or something

They said they planned to split utilities equally; I suspect #1 will be trying to foot the entirety of her living costs due to financial difficulties he alluded to during our latest conversation. In a particular sense I suppose that could be considered paying more, but there hasn't been a move made to pay more than an even utility split from them.

The lock thing has been brought up in light of the circumstances I was forced into originally, afaik? I believe the line of thought is that if a roommate is willing to force me into a breach of contract without any prior knowledge or heads-up then I need to take steps to prevent additional issues before they happen (and my room is a current hot topic).

Also, you took advantage of their inexperience? Have they never lived with other people before, or divided up any kind of asset? Bull. Shit. Especially when one of them managed to damage the room they have and you'll be on the hook to make sure it's paid for? Still nope.

IMHO, the master bedroom is a privilege for the primary leaseholder, and it helps compensate for the extra responsibility associated. Offering to pay more for it as a bargaining chip to help keep everyone amicable is a reasonable thing, but don't let them bully you into thinking that a 4 way rent split is in any way a 4 way responsibility split.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Master bedroom plus bathroom and parking space probably should be a slight increase in the share of the rent for the person who has them.

Even with that being said, it's not reasonable to just demand it because someone moves in a partner and thinks it's better.

They mentioned you taking advantage somehow... What age group is this? How stable has their relationship been? Going by the maturity so far, it's going to be a rough year. Give them time enough to be adults and go through the lease office and hope they are remarkably drama free but plan for the worst and start saving to move or break lease in case.

Definitely don't give up the master, maybe offer to pick up 10-15% more rent if it really comes down to it.