another post about poop and work October 28, 2009

Yes, that’s right, it’s another post about poop and work. This has been on my mind lately because my stomach has been giving me hell and I’ve been… um… indisposed at work far more often than I probably should be. At least I don’t have to account for my bathroom breaks. Although, funny story: a few Fridays ago I went to the bathroom at 5:50 without my ID and at 6:05 when I tried to go back to my desk I was locked out of my own floor. Fortunately someone else was coming along and she let me in.

I sneak into my workplace bathroom everyday to play some PSP. After 6 months of playing at the same time, I hear a voice comin’ from the toilet next to mine saying: so… watcha playin? wanna go wifi? It’s been 5 days and the company’s CEO and I play everyday at 3pm!

I’m guessing this guy works at a design firm or some sort of art-related job, or somewhere with a very small group of very eclectic people. I just can’t see any CEO, or even any regular manager, where I’ve ever worked actually doing this. Except maybe myself, when I was a manager, but in those bathrooms the lights shut off after ten minutes unless someone triggered the motion sensors, so on the plus side you knew how long you had.

I just talked to a CEO of a Fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.

My friend Park isn’t self-employed, but he works at home 90 percent of the time. He’s a programmer who designs billing systems for web commerce. You’ve probably seen his work while surreptitiously entering your credit card information into a website that promises you access to college-age women performing intimate activities for your enjoyment. Anyway, Park talks to everyone while he’s at home — his boss, his co-workers, his clients, whoever he has to. I don’t think he’s talked to a Fortune 500 CEO, but it’s certainly possible that people who work at home as much as Park does have at least talked to some pretty powerful people while pooping.

The closest I ever got was taking a call from a recruiter while pooping. I’m pretty sure he had no idea.

Why did I write this post? Besides to talk about poop a lot? Basically to say this: stories like the ones above are the exception, not the rule. For the most part, pooping should be done privately. The only person you should tell is your poop friend.