I want to see your sporking, too! (And I don't really see any reason why you shouldn't post it, actually.)

And cuteyounggirlplus, I think that regardless of the quality (most of the sporked fics are somewhat decent, anyways, and the really bad ones are almost always trollfics or the kind that makes you question the author's sanity) you should still point everything wrong and make fun of it (that's what makes it a sporking, after all.)

'kay. Here it is. On second thought, a fic this nasty may be better suited off-campus than on. I didn't censor anything out since there were too many good opportunities that would otherwise go to waste.

That was hilarious. Although, I didn't want the whole Turnabout Storm to be an "arc". Someone has to spork the "Law plus Chaos 2" fic luck put up. I've tried reading 4 different times and I can't get pass Chapter 2. Ugh. So contrived...

One of the more frustrating things about this fic is that there are a lot of chapters where nothing really important happens. There's also a lot of exposition and background information. I underestimated how boring it would be to spork this. I think I might stop this and go back to shorter fics before I try something as big as this again. (I know, I've been doing a lot of that lately. I'm sorry. I tend to overestimate what I can handle.)

Here are today's sporkers:

(At last, we return to the sporking of Turnabout Storm. But today, only Edgeworth and Phoenix have shown up! What could Management be planning?)

Edgeworth: As I said in the last part, something terrible.

Phoenix: …Do you think maybe…?

Edgeworth: What is it, Wright?

Phoenix: Well, you know how we tend to get a lot of fics that ship us together?

Edgeworth: Yes. How is that relevant?

Phoenix: I was just wondering what if Management is trying to ship us together?

Edgeworth: …Wright.

Phoenix: Yes?

Edgeworth: Don’t even joke about such things.

Yeah, We aren’t trying to ship you. We’re just trying to offend you with the most horrible things we can find!

Edgeworth: …Perhaps your theory has some merit after all, Wright.

(The lights turn off.)

Spoiler:

Quote:

Phoenix walked alongside Twilight to the Detention Center, a bit uncomfortable at the attention he was receiving from other Ponyville residents. “I’ve never felt like such a minority in my life!” he whined as they neared their destination.

“Oh, it wasn’t that bad!” the violet unicorn suggested.

Edgeworth: Why is Twilight being so insensitive? I know she can be bad with social cues but surely she can remember the events of “Bridle Gossip”?

Quote:

He gave her an incredulous look. “All those ponies were gawking at me the whole way here!” Still feeling out of place, he glanced back over his shoulder only to see even more ponies staring at and whispering to each other about him.

“Mister Wright, humans have almost never been seen in all of Equestria,” she said solemnly. “In fact you may be the first one in Ponyville! You should be honored!”

Honored? Strolling around a town infested with candy colored equines? Yeah I’d feel honored if I was… oh I don’t know… A FIVE YEAR OLD GIRL! he silently groused. “So how did you know I was a human?” he asked, curious.

Phoenix: That’s a good question.

Quote:

“I read a lot!” she answered eagerly. “I’ve read almost every book in my library five times over and I’m familiar with a lot of different species: Chimeras, Trolls, Basilisks, Goblins, et cetera, et cetera!”

Wait?! You’re telling me she had read every book in that gigantic library FIVE TIMES?! he thought in disbelief.

Edgeworth: I know this might be a surprise for you, Wright, but some people actually like to read.

Phoenix: I knew that! (Why can’t I ever catch a break around here?)

Quote:

(Phoenix and Twilight arrive at the detention center. Phoenix is asked to present identification and he presents his badge. This doesn’t work because he needs Equestrian identification, not identification from LA.)

“Oh! That’s right, Mister Wright, I was suppose to give you this,” she replied, floating him something. “The princess ordered me to give you this earlier today. It’s a permit to defend in Equestria.”

“I see… wait…” Phoenix’s brow furrowed, his suspicions rekindled. “I thought you ‘accidentally’ brought me here. How could your princess have had that prepared for me?” he demanded to know.

Edgeworth: Because it obviously wasn’t an accident.

Quote:

Twilight appeared to briefly panic again before coming up with an explanation—or was it an excuse? “O-oh uh… what I meant was… I had my assistant Spike prepare it before we left,” she offered.

He gave her an askance look. “Spike? I didn’t see anyone else in that library,” he pointed out, more suspicious than ever.

“He was sleeping, it’s late as you can see; I had to wake him up and have him prepare it. That’s why it took a little while to leave. I’ll properly introduce you to him later…” she spoke quickly, trying not to give Phoenix a chance to interject again.

Phoenix raised a brow. “You prepared a permit in twenty minutes? I find that a little fishy…”

Phoenix: That pony’s an awful liar.

Edgeworth: Hmph. (Not as bad as Applejack…)

Quote:

Twilight thrust the badge into his hand with her magic. “Save the questions for my friend, just take the badge!” she insisted.

This isn’t helping me accept your request, you know… Phoenix growled at the unicorn with his thoughts, examining the pink and frilly object in his hand. “A heart…” he said as he recognized the shape of the girlie-looking thing. I feel my masculinity going… going… gone…

Edgeworth: *Stands up* Objection! It’s wine red!

Phoenix: Um, Edgeworth, they were talking about the badge, not your suit.

Edgeworth: …Er, right. *quickly sits back down*

Phoenix: And what’s with the way they spell ‘girly’?

Quote:

(Phoenix finally enters but Twilight can’t go with him.)

Ponyville Detention Center

June 9th, 10:15PM

Phoenix was escorted back to a dimly lit room filled with cubicle cells separated by clear partitions and metal bars; looking around, he was surprised at how similar it appeared to the detention centers he knew back home. “Okay… so where is Twilight’s friend?” he wondered aloud as he looked inside the cell blocks, belatedly realizing he had no idea what the violet unicorn’s ‘friend’ looked like… or even what her name was.

As he passed a particular cell, someone called out to him. “HEY!!”

Phoenix: I going to guess that through the magical powers of contrived meetings, the first person, er… pony, I come across just happens to be Twilight’s friend.

Edgeworth: Ponyville isn’t like LA, Wright. Crime is rare in these parts.

Quote:

Startled, Phoenix jumped as he looked back to where the voice came from. “Eh?! What did I do?” he asked the voice.

At that moment, a striking and exotic-looking equine appeared behind the cell partition in front of him: a winged pony with cyan fur and feathers, a prismatic mane and tail, and ruby pink eyes. “I don’t think they allow animals here; you should get out before they toss YOU in here too!” the pony prisoner told him. Judging from the voice and the owner’s softer-looking features, the human lawyer guessed the pony was female.

Phoenix: It’s the pony from the first chapter!

Edgeworth: Clearly.

Quote:

“Look, I’m not an animal, I’m a human being!” he corrected her, trying hard not to stare at the young mare, wondering if her mane was naturally all those colors and if her wings really worked.

“Oh… I’m not talking to you, I meant that THING on your head!” she said with a mischievous grin.

Phoenix began to grind his teeth at that. If someone makes fun of my hair ONE more time…

Edgeworth: Wright, if you hate the comments about your hair that much, why don’t you just get a different haircut?

Phoenix: Edgeworth, if you hate the comments about your suit that much, why don’t you just get a different suit?

The exotic-colored equine rolled her eyes. “Jeez, Twilight sure knows how to pick ‘em’!” she said in annoyance. “What are you doing here then?”

“I just want information regarding the crime you are being accused of,” Phoenix stated, all business as he pulled out his pen and pad to take notes. “Let’s start off with your name…”

She was only too eager to give it. “I’m Rainbow Dash, best flier in Ponyville! Soon to be a household name in all of Equestria! Line up for my autograph starts right over there!” she boasted, putting a front hoof to her chest.

Phoenix: Franziska introduces herself with more modesty than that, sheesh!

Edgeworth: Just be glad she isn’t here to hear you say that, Wright.

Quote:

Phoenix was unimpressed. Twilight Sparkle? Rainbow Dash? Is it me or are their names staring to sound like flavors of ice cream? “I’m Phoenix Wright. Best attorney in the… universe… apparently,” he replied, introducing himself back.

“Phoenix?” she looked up, tilting her head as she thought about his name. “Sweet name… but it could sound cooler…” she mused while studying his face.

“Uh… ’cooler’?” Phoenix had a bad feeling about what was coming next.

Edgeworth: 20 percent cooler to be exact.

Phoenix: …

Edgeworth: …It was a joke.

Phoenix: I’m not sure how it’s supposed to be funny.

Edgeworth: Because in “Suited for Success”… you know what, just forget about it, Wright.

Rainbow Dash let out a disappointed sigh before she explained. “THE Wonderbolts are only the most coolest ponies in all of Equestria! They are Princess’s personal aerial acrobatics team; the stunts they perform are nine degrees of cool!” she squealed like a teenage fangirl as she remembered the performances she’d seen. “You see, I’ve been trying to get in their group forever and the Equestrian 500 is my ticket to show off my slick moves to them. I’d do ANYTHING to get that chance!”

Phoenix: Oh look, Edgeworth! She’s just like you with this show!

Edgeworth: Shut up, Wright.

Quote:

Phoenix cringed at that. Thank you for effectively establishing motive for yourself Ms. Dash, this helps your case SO much… “So how did this guy die?” he asked, keeping the thought to himself.

Phoenix: Sheesh. This is going to be a hard one…

Quote:

“Pony,” Rainbow corrected.

“What?”

“’How did this PONY die?’ is what you mean Nix,” she clarified.

Well EXCUSE ME, I didn’t take ‘Hooked on Ponyics’! he thought sarcastically, but kept his irritation out of his voice. “The point is, how did he die?”

Phoenix: Why do they do that anyways?

Edgeworth: It’s called worldbuilding. The audience can better grasp the world of Equestria with details like that.

Quote:

Rainbow just shrugged. “How should I know? I didn’t do it…”

Phoenix was confused. “Then why did they take you in?”

“I just happened to be flying near the Everfree Forest that night… then those chuckleheads burst in to my house and brought me in here saying I did it!” she raised her voice a bit, getting visibly angry at being accused. “They even said that they had lots of proof, but I would never do that to another pony!” she insisted.

“They just took you in just like that?” A dubious Phoenix asked, thinking there had to be more to it than that.

Edgeworth: Well, obviously there is. It’s not like the police just arrest people at random, Wright!

“Everyone thinks I did it, everyone!” she said, tearing up. “The Wonderbolts probably hate me…” she wiped her eyes and looked up to Phoenix, “But you believe me, right?” she asked, all but begging him to say yes.

Though still uncertain, Phoenix obliged her. “Well… I-I guess… but not everyone thinks you did it…”

Phoenix: I mean if everyone thought you did it, that Twilight Sparkle wouldn’t call me here in the first place.

Quote:

“Huh?” she gave him a tilt-headed look.

“Your friend Twilight seems to have faith in you, otherwise I wouldn’t be in this mess,” he told her.

Phoenix: Well, this author knows how to write me in character at least.

Quote:

(Phoenix explains to Rainbow how he got into Equestria in the first place)

“Nix, as much as I hate asking for help…” Rainbow continued, looking like she was gathering herself. “Can you PAH-LEEES be my attorney?” she pleaded, showing a bit of her ‘cute’ side to him.

Edgeworth: More like annoying.

Quote:

Despite her not-insubstantial attempt at adorability, Phoenix hesitated. I fell kind of sorry for her, she sounds like she’s telling the truth and I want to say yes… but should I…? “Well…” Just then Phoenix remembered something in his pocket. Oh, wait a minute!” I believe her, but I need to be sure…

Edgeworth: You "fell" kind of sorry for her? I think you mean "feel".

Quote:

With that, Phoenix took out his Magatama: a small comma-shaped green gemstone given to him by Maya, his teenaged assistant. Functioning as his own personal lie detector, it allowed him to see if someone is hiding any deep secret in their heart from him.

Edgeworth: Ah…those Pyscholocks.

Phoenix: They’re called Pysche-locks, Edgeworth.

Quote:

“Is that a toy? You look a little old to be playing with toys, Nix,” Rainbow teased, looking at the strange green amulet the human lawyer was holding in front of him.

Phoenix ignored the barb. “Look, Rainbow Dash, I’m going to ask you this and I want you to tell me the absolute 100% truth!” he instructed her, holding the artifact right in front of the pegasus pony. “Did you have ANYTHING to do with the death of Ace Swift?”

Rainbow reacted with fury to the question, rearing up to slam her hooves down hard into the clear partition, making Phoenix flinch backwards. “I told you, I DIDN’T KILL ANYPONY!” she shouted, very upset.

Phoenix waited for something to happen with the Magatama… but nothing did.

Edgeworth: That means she isn’t hiding any secrets. Right, Wright?

Phoenix: Well…the Magatama isn’t foolproof. This could be a repeat of the Matt Engarde case.

Quote:

(Phoenix takes the case.)

Edgeworth: Well at least that’s out of the way.

Quote:

“I suppose the first thing I should do is investigate the scene of the crime for some evidence to prove your innocence. Where was it again?” he asked her, picking his pen and pad back up.

“A clearing in the Everfree Forest,” she reminded him.

“’Everfree Forest’?”

“Yeah, it’s about fifteen minutes from Fluttershy’s house.”

Phoenix: Another pony, I presume?

Edgeworth: Yes. Another member of the Mane Six.

Phoenix: The Mane Six?

Edgeworth: The six main characters of the show.

Quote:

(Phoenix asks another question.)

“What were you doing near the scene of the crime anyway?”

Rainbow Dash looked suddenly nervous. “Uh…”

“Well?” Phoenix waited for an answer, noticing her hesitation.

“I… I was practicing… for the Equestrian 500!” she finally answered. She had no sooner spoke than the Magatama reacted, revealing a series of chains and red padlocks surrounding the cyan pegasus. “Yup, that’s what I was doing… practicing for the big race!”

Phoenix: I think we both know what’s behind those padlocks.

Edgeworth: Especially since the author thought it best to spell it out for us.

Quote:

(Phoenix tries to get Rainbow to answer but she refuses.)

Phoenix: Figures.

(The lights turn on.)

Phoenix: Did we spend a whole chapter just talking to her?

Edgeworth: It appears so. I assume next chapter will be about you interfering with the witness.

Phoenix: Yeah…Hey!

(The light shut off before the two can start fighting.)

Spoiler:

Quote:

(Phoenix tells Twilight he will take Rainbow’s case)

Twilight smiled at that. “You know… you share a very similar trait to Rainbow Dash, Mr. Wright,” she proclaimed.

He gave her a look. “I do? Am I really that obnoxious?” he asked, showing her a long face, worried he may be just that.

Edgeworth: Yes.

Phoenix: Hey!

Quote:

“No… you are very loyal,” she reassured Phoenix with a grin and chuckle, making his previous thought go away. “She may not have looked it, but Rainbow Dash is probably really scared about what is going to happen to her. So she needs all the support she can get right now.”

Edgeworth: That, too, I suppose.

Phoenix: Gee, thanks…

Quote:

Phoenix thought about that. “Now that you mention it, she did seem awfully chipper for someone who’s the prime suspect of the murder,” he said, scratching his chin.

“I can’t imagine what it must be like…” Twilight said, sitting on her haunches and looking sadly at the ground.

He nodded slowly. “I have been in that place before,” he told her, eyes suddenly distant.

“’That place’?” she echoed, looking back up. “What do you mean by that, Phoenix?”

“I’ve been on trial for crimes I didn’t commit. I know how she probably feels.”

Both:…

Quote:

Twilight looked at him in surprise. “You have?”

Phoenix nodded and looked down at the ground, recalling all the times he was blamed for things he didn’t do, from childhood to adulthood. “It felt dark and lonely having nobody to turn to. Feeling as if the world was against me and nobody could help…” As he spoke, he went into a melancholic state, sitting down on a nearby bench as he recounted his story, a little low for him though it was. “Once when I was just a kid, my whole class accused me of stealing and we had this stupid ‘Class Trial’. The other time… was a little more serious,” he paused, seemingly reliving a painful memory.

Edgeworth: That’s that…story you mentioned once, right?

Phoenix: You mean the whole reason why we are friends in the first place? Yes, yes it is.

Quote:

“What happened?” Twilight asked, as Phoenix’s mind went back five years.

“I was framed for murder by someone who I thought cared for me,” he said sadly, causing Twilight’s mouth to fall open. “I learned the hard way appearances can be deceiving. But I was lucky enough to have friends who pulled me out of that darkness…” the human lawyer perked up as he recalled the friends and even former adversaries who had helped him through his trials, many of whom he had been able to help in turn. “A classmate stood up for me in school, and a rookie lawyer defended me at my murder trial, saving me almost in spite of myself,” he remembered. “It really touched me, what they did… their examples were the reason I decided to become a Defense Attorney.”

Edgeworth: No mention of the Redd White trial?

Phoenix: I think the author didn’t mention that one because I was already a Defense Attorney at that point.

Quote:

Twilight listened in rapt attention as Phoenix continued, the human lawyer sitting up straighter and his voice getting stronger as he went. “A Defense Attorney is someone who is there for you when times are grim. Showing that you have someone who trusts and believes in you—that you’re not alone. Smiling to the very end, no matter how bad things may get, working tirelessly on your behalf and not letting anything from lying witnesses to corrupt prosecutors stand in the way of seeking the truth.

“It’s the most frustrating job in the world sometimes—the hours are long, eyewitnesses often uncooperative… and you somehow never know where your next case or client will come from,” he told the violet unicorn with a slightly sardonic smile. Twilight grinned almost apologetically at that. “But I wouldn’t trade it for anything. There’s no greater calling than being a defender of the innocent, and no greater feeling than uncovering the truth and proving your client innocent in court, seeing the joy and gratitude in their eyes as they’re set free.”

Phoenix: Some days, though…

Quote:

The violet unicorn was smiling by the story’s conclusion, sensing the human lawyer’s true strength and fighting spirit for the first time. “Mr. Wright… you know, I was going to study some law and justice books and be Rainbow Dash’s Defense Attorney myself if you declined,” she told him, very impressed. “But I see now that there is knowledge out there even books can’t teach. It was no mistake choosing you to be Rainbow Dash’s lawyer!”

Despite the compliment, Phoenix was caught short again. ‘Choose’? Didn’t you bring me here by accident? he asked her with his thoughts, increasingly certain that she knew of him long before he was dragged into this world.

Phoenix: No kidding!

Edgeworth: Only Detective Gumshoe would still be thinking it was an accident at this point.

Quote:

(Twilight takes Phoenix to Fluttershy’s house.)

While Twilight went up to the front door alone, Phoenix looked around outside for a bit. The cottage roof and sides seemed to be partially covered in green moss, and there were several bird houses hanging from the trees. Nearby the cottage was a large chicken coop, next to that a small house where several more animals apparently resided. This pony must be a zookeeper or something…

Looking back to the cottage, she saw Twilight talking to a new pony standing on the porch. A pretty-looking yellow pegasus mare with greenish-blue eyes and a long pink mane and tail, she gasped when she saw Phoenix, shying away from him.

Edgeworth: That’s Fluttershy.

Phoenix: No, I thought it was Sundrop!

Quote:

“Hey Fluttershy, meet Mr. Wright! He’s Rainbow Dash’s Lawyer.” Twilight introduced him to the canary-yellow pony, who was obviously a friend of the violet unicorn.

“Hello there, nice to meet you,” Phoenix came up and greeted her, trying to be friendly as possible, but the only response he got… was awkward silence. Not getting a reply, he tried to make small talk. “So… Ponyville is a really nice place, huh?”

Again… silence. Talk about quiet… she certainly lives up to her name!

Edgeworth: They’re not doing what I think they’re doing, are they?

Quote:

(Fluttershy is too shy to talk to Phoenix. Phoenix wants to go to the crime scene instead.)

Edgeworth: I see how it is. If you can’t interfere with the witnesses, you interfere with the crime scene, eh, Wright?

Phoenix: Hey! I’m just doing my job!

Quote:

Twilight reluctantly agreed. “The crime scene is right over here, Phoenix,” she told him, leading him back to the main path.

“Okay,” he said, turning to follow her.

At the mention of his name, Fluttershy looked up in surprise and started to approach him.

Nice sporking. This one was a laugh, and I like how cool Phoenix is with Edgeworth and this show. Eventually, Nick's going to be drawn into this show himself, I can feel it.

Also of note, nice editing. It keeps the fic on an appropriate pace without skipping over too much. I remember the first time I came upon that fic, and I was ready to quit after the first several lines of the prologue. "It's not a tribute or an expansion; it's a copy-pasta that's been overcooked." So disappointing.

So, are you still going with the third one or leaving it for others to take? I've freed up my queue, so I'm not sure what to work on next.

Yeah, I also think that Phoenix is going to be a brony by the end of the sporking.Hey, I think Pearl and Maya (and maybe Trucy, too) would be into MP:FiM, so there's my suggestion for Edgeworth swap-out(s).

I want to help out with this fic at some point, but I haven't watched MLP since the second season... orz. I have some ideas, though. Which chapter should I take?(Maybe I should post a non-Turnabout Storm sporking before that, though, to break it up.)

@Rubia I really loved your sporking. I agree that it probably was better off on tumblr than here, since if you censored it, it definitely wouldn't have been as funny.

@cuteyounggirlplus you sure got that second part out fast! If you are going to continue it, there's no need to rush. The second part was rather funny, but unfortunately (or fortunately?) I know remember next to nothing about My Little Pony. I really do like brony!Edgeworth though, he's awesome. I also agree with Airey that Maya and Pearls would've watched My Little Pony at some point as well.

@Airey I think the original "Turnabout Storm" is meant to take place in between Season 1 and Season 2 so you'd be perfect. I don't have a specific chapter mind just yet, so continue one with what you're doing. And of course Pearl is a brony, where do you think she got the term "Special Someone"?

Heh, really enjoying reading the Turnabout Storm sporking. If I were to have one complaint though, it's that I feel like you were a bit too blunt with Edgeworth being a fan of the show. I feel like he wouldn't be that open about it if he were.

This part of the fanfic is where we first start seeing the signs of 'shipping-itis'. Shipping-itis happens when a fic with a non-romantic plot is infected with a shipping sub-plot and the plot starts to be taken over with badly-written romance. This case is especially bad because a) The particular paring of the fic has bestality undertones and b) the creator of the original video series specially stated there is no shipping in Turnabout Storm. Basically, this fic screws over the original creator's creation and intent by adding a shipping sub-plot no one need to see. Enjoy!

(The doors to the lobby lock by themselves. Then, suddenly three figures appear—Phoenix, Pearl and Franziska.)

Franziska: Quite the group we have here today… Phoenix Wright and an older Pearl? I wonder what’s in store?

Pearl: Didn’t you get a script, too?

Franziska: I didn’t want to read such foolishness.

Pearl: My Little Pony isn’t foolishness!

Phoenix: You know about My Little Pony, Pearls?

Pearl: Uh-huh. It used to be on right before Kids’ Masterpiece Theater.

Phoenix: (I guess that’s why Edgeworth isn’t here today…Lucky him.)

(All three scramble to find their seats as the lights lower.)

Spoiler:

Quote:

Twilight and Phoenix entered the forest a short distance from Fluttershy’s cottage. As they walked along the path, the trees closed in and it became so dark Phoenix could barely see his hands in front of his face.

“Welcome to the Everfree Forest, Mr. Wright,” Twilight announced, the violet unicorn just a barely-seen shadow on the path in front of him.

“Kind of spooky,” Phoenix said nervously, trying to keep the tremor out of his voice and jumping at every unfamiliar sound.

Pearl: Well, someone did get murdered there.

Phoenix: Not to mention blackmailed.

Franziska: What are you fools going on about?

Phoenix: Just read the script.

Quote:

“There are many deadly creatures in the Everfree Forest. Everypony tends to avoid entering here because of that,” Twilight noted matter-of-factly, sending fresh chills down the human lawyer’s spine.

Phoenix: So that’s why chose this spot. It’s far less likely for any…pony to come across them in here then in town.

Quote:

“D-deadly… creatures?” he repeated, stammering at his own words. At that moment he felt something brush by him. “AHH!!! Something just touched my hand!!!” he panicked.

Twilight giggled at him, amused by his apparent fear of the dark. “That was just my tail. Don’t worry Phoenix, we’re not that deep. Most of the menacing things live MUCH further in,” she assured the human lawyer, trying to make him feel more comfortable.

“Uhh… oh… okay…” he said, thinking that with his manly and muscular figure, he was supposed to be the bravest and should be the one ‘protecting’ the smaller female pony, not the other way around! Come on! Don't be such a chicken, Phoenix! he ordered himself, trying to regain his courage and manhood.

Phoenix: Is it just me or am I preoccupied with my masculinity in this fic?

Franziska: Perhaps your masculinity is so fragile that even being around feminine things threatens it?

Phoenix: Objection! Half the people I work with are girls! If my masculinity was so fragile then wouldn’t it be threatened just by working?

Phoenix shrugged. “Bonus for me, I guess… let’s get down to work then,” he said, trying to sound easygoing, stepping up next to her. But before he could begin to investigate, his ‘common sense’ belatedly kicked in again. “But there’s one little problem… it’s WAY too dark here; I can hardly see anything and I don't have a flashlight,” he admitted.

Franziska: Hmph. It seems the author confused “belatedly” with “early”.

Quote:

“Let me take care of that…” Twilight offered, taking the excuse to move away from him. Not waiting for an acknowledgment, she trotted forward into the clearing and made her horn glow with a bright white light, illuminating the entire area.

Phoenix was very surprised, astonishment overriding his fear. It’s that horn again… it’s lighting up like a lantern! That must be really handy! he thought, wondering if he could have a horn like that… nah. “Good work, Twilight!” he praised, very grateful to be out of the dark.

Phoenix: Another author that likes using strange dialogue tags.

Quote:

He couldn’t see the violet unicorn blush anew in the light of her horn. “Alright! Let’s find some clues!” she shot up, excited to begin her first investigation.

She seems really eager to start this! Phoenix thought, a bit amazed at her activeness as he followed her into the clearing, her enthusiasm reminding him strongly of Maya at that moment.

Pearl: What’s that supposed to mean? Is the author saying Mystic Maya is like a pony?

Quote:

“Hey look at this…” She trotted over to where an outline of a pony was visible on the ground. “Why is there tape all over the grass?” she asked the human lawyer, looking down at the oddly-shaped outline.

Phoenix knelt down beside it, knowing only too well why. “If it’s anything like in my world… this is probably where they found Ace Swift’s body.”

Franziska: What kind of fool lets another fool wander around a crime scene without knowing what a body outline is? *crack*

Phoenix: That’s not really me up there.

Quote:

Twilight’s eyes widened and she felt her stomach lurch, the glow from her horn wavering for a moment. “Ugh… I think I’m going to be sick,” She turned away, her hoof going to her muzzle as if she was about to puke.

And all that eagerness seemed to go away in one fell swoop, Phoenix thought to himself with a quickly suppressed grin, grateful to be the ‘manly’ one again.

Phoenix: So not only is my masculinity fragile but I feel glad at Twilight’s obvious discomfort because of it, too? I thought you understand my character, author!

Phoenix winced at her tone, belatedly sensing what a stupid question it was. “It’s just really strange that there’s a murder here but not a single drop of blood in sight,” he said, pointing out his first contradiction of the crime scene.

Phoenix: Not really. There are ways to kill someone without causing them to bleed.

Quote:

Twilight blinked, realizing the human lawyer was right. Then her violet eyes noticed something strange about the ground. “The grass is odd too… it’s all black…” she added, poking at it with her hoof, feeling it crumble instantly to powder beneath her blunt appendage.

Phoenix quickly turned his attention to what Twilight was referring to, experimentally patting the ground with his fingers, feeling the soot beneath them. “You’re right! It’s all charred and burned like… there was a small fire around the body.” Sensing its significance, Phoenix wiped his hand with a handkerchief before taking out his digital camera, snapping a picture of the charred area with the tape outline in it.

Phoenix: Like setting someone on fire, for example.

Quote:

“’Steel Samurai’? That sure is an interesting-looking camera, Phoenix,” she said curiously, reading the label on the side.

“It’s not mine; it belongs to a friend,” Phoenix smiled, thinking he was going to have an incredible story to tell Maya when he finally returned home. That made him curious what Twilight would think of his world, wondering what he might share with her about it. Hey! Maybe I should tell Twilight about ‘The Steel Samurai’! Amazing how a kids show got so popular outside its targeted demographic…

Pearl: Oh, I get it! It’s like My Little Pony!

Quote:

“Hey, look there. That thing on the ground next to where the body was,” Twilight pointed to a small charred object, almost invisible against the burnt grass.

Phoenix picked it up and turned it over in his hand—a small and severely damaged L-shaped piece of metal. “It’s a… what the heck IS this thing?” Phoenix asked, showing it to Twilight.

Phoenix: Evidence.

Quote:

The violet unicorn looked it over herself in the light of her horn before finally shaking her head. “I don’t have any idea.”

“Whatever it was, it’s totally burnt to a crisp,” Phoenix said, rubbing the rough surface and finding it flaking off beneath his thumb.

“Just like the grass…” Twilight noted.

Phoenix nodded in agreement. “This may be important evidence,” he pronounced, putting the odd object into a sealed plastic bag and adding it to his inventory. “Let’s look at the landscape over there.” He pointed across the clearing to where something seemed off to his eyes.

Phoenix: See? I was right!

Quote:

(Phoenix and Twilight go over to find a patch where someone apparently kicked dirt in that area.)

Phoenix pulled out his camera again to take a picture of the disturbed area. “See anything else suspicious?” he asked, looking around again.

Twilight directed his attention to the opposite end of the clearing. “Look at that tree way over there at the other end of the crime scene.”

“But look at the trunk! It suffers from the same burning as the grass and that object,” she pointed out.

Phoenix: That is strange. Hm. I wonder…

Pearl: Mr. Nick. What is it?

Phoenix: You remember how Rainbow set off the lightning in the first chapter?

Pearl: Oh! You think that she might have caused one of the fires?

Phoenix: Which would imply that lightning caused the other fire, too.

Quote:

“Can ponies breathe fire, or something?” Phoenix asked, jokingly.

“No, Phoenix. Dragons do that, not ponies…” she replied in perfect seriousness.

“Heh! Maybe a dragon really DID do all this,” he said, chuckling.

Twilight looked a bit unsure, as if she was considering the idea but finally shook her head. “That isn’t possible. Spike is the only dragon in Ponyville, and he was with me all night,” she said.

Pearl: Well, an adult dragon could’ve pick a spot near here to roost, but I don’t think that’s the case…

Quote:

At that moment, it finally clicked in the human lawyer’s head that she wasn’t joking. “Spike… that’s your assistant you told me about…” he remembered, his eyes widening in fear. “Wait, he’s a DRAGON?! There really ARE dragons here?!”

“Why, yes…” she assured him, seemingly unconcerned.

Phoenix felt his legs going weak. “You said you wanted to introduce me to him…” he remembered, trembling a bit. “I-it’s quite alright, y-you don’t need to, he’s p-probably a really nice guy!” he stammered, trebling over his own words.

The ends of Twilight’s mouth crooked upward as she recognized his fear, guessing he thought her assistant was an enormous adult dragon instead of a mere hatchling. “Don't be so shy, Spike LOVES company!” she teased, struggling not to laugh as she watched him quake anew.

Pearl: Mr. Nick! Spike is only a baby dragon!

Quote:

Still giggling under her breath, Twilight turned her attention back to the clearing and the investigation at hoof. “Oh, Phoenix!” she called. “Look on that branch there, on that tree behind that fallen one.” He turned to see her pointing up with a hoof.

Squinting for a moment, he saw the strange dangling object too, a little indistinct in the light of her horn. “There’s something stuck on it. I’ll climb up and get it,” he offered, grateful for a new distraction and the chance to be useful.

Twilight stopped him. “No need, Mr. Wright,” she announced, using her magic to grab and lower the odd object, pushing it towards Phoenix.

Or you could just float it down… he thought to himself, still amazed at her ability as the object was guided into his hands, the violet aura dissipating as he took hold of it. “It’s a brown… feather…” Phoenix was a bit disappointed as he held it by the stem. “Well that was pointless, probably from a bird.”

Phoenix: I’ve seen more trivial things that turn out to be huge pieces of evidence.

Quote:

Twilight walked up for a closer look herself. “No, it can’t be. No bird in Ponyville is this big.”

Phoenix studied it further, realizing she was right… the feather was quite large, almost as long as his forearm. “I know, maybe it’s the victim’s. He was a pegasus right? Maybe it’s from his wings?” he suggested.

His hopes were dashed as Twilight broke yet another of his theories. “Nope, this feather doesn’t belong to any pony either. Too big.”

Phoenix grunted a bit, trying to hide his disappointment. “Then we should keep it,” he decided, putting the feather in a fresh evidence bag. When it was sealed, he finally asked the question that had been bothering him all evening. “How do you DO that, Twilight?”

Organizing her thoughts, Twilight sat down and began to speak. “Well… Ace was an athlete who got extremely popular around Equestria by winning every single event he’s ever competed in,” she said to Phoenix, watching curiously as he began to write, mildly fascinated by the precise motions of his hand.

Phoenix goggled, dropping his pen. “He won EVERY single event he’s ever competed in?!” he repeated, eyes wide with amazement.

Phoenix: …That must be it.

Pearl: What is it?

Phoenix: That must be why Ace Swift is blackmailing Rainbow Dash. He’s been blackmailing the participants of the events so he can get first place. …Which also means the list of …ponies with motive to kill him just grew exponentially.

Quote:

“Yeah, he was that good…” she confirmed, then looked down at the ground, thinking of something else she’d heard about the late pegasus. “But with this streak of success he gained a few skeptics thinking that all his victories were a result of cheating and other dubious methods.”

Phoenix raised a brow as he picked the pen back up. “I’d probably think the same thing if I saw someone winning at everything they do,” he noted, giving a quick cough as he suddenly remembered that the same could be said about a certain other someone as well.

Franziska: What is that supposed to mean, Mr. Phoenix Wright?

Phoenix: Uh…please don’t whip me?

*crack* *crack* *crack*

Quote:

Twilight gave him an odd look, but continued. “He was supposed to be competing in the Equestrian 500 and was the racer expected most likely to win.”

Phoenix nodded, scribbling another note as Twilight surreptitiously watched his hands move, increasingly amazed at their utility, realizing his fingers were easily the equal of a unicorn horn for grasping or manipulating objects. “Rainbow Dash told me about that too. Unfortunately, it sets up a motive for her…” he said, not noticing where Twilight's attention was.

Phoenix: And all of the other competitors…

Quote:

“What do you mean?” she asked, forcing her gaze away from hands, her horn momentarily glowing a brighter pink again as she had a sudden, quickly quashed image of his fingers wrapped around it… Wha...? where did THAT come from? she blinked, mildly disgusted with herself and glad the human lawyer didn't know what the hue meant. This is HARDLY the time, Twilight... she admonished herself sharply, resolving to lay off the romance novels Rarity had been lending her.

Pearl: Um, in the show, the color of a unicorn’s magic is constant. I don’t know where the author got this idea, but it’s completely incorrect.

Quote:

Phoenix held up his hands placatingly, recognizing for the first time that the color of her horn’s glow changed with her mood, and the brightness with the intensity of her emotions. Orange means anger. So what did the pink glow mean, then…? “Yes, yes, I know… but we’re going to have to prove otherwise to those who probably suspect that in court tomorrow,” he clarified.

Phoenix: It means the author is making this up as they go along.

Quote:

(The two leave as they await the trial tomorrow)

Phoenix: This is the end of the chapter, yes?

(The lights go up for a short break.)

Pearl: Yes!

Franziska: That was…

Phoenix: …not completely foolish?

Franziska: …strange.

Pearl: Ms. Von Karma doesn’t want to give in, does she?

(The lights lower, indicatating the next chapter is approaching.)

Spoiler:

Quote:

Ponyville District Court

June 10th, 9:45AM

“Coffee… need Coffee…” Phoenix sluggishly walked from the library to the courthouse, very hungry and sleep-deprived.

“And that bed was way too small. I hardly had any sleep last night,” he added, still forcing himself forward despite feeling on the verge of collapsing.

“It wasn’t designed for someone as tall as you!” she shot back.

“And I’m starving…” he growled, as did his stomach.

“Spike and I offered you breakfast, but you wouldn’t eat it!!” she reminded him as they reached the courthouse, exasperated with his constant bellyaching.

“Sorry, but I don’t eat hay,” he groused, trying not to think he was hungry enough to eat a horse.

Franziska: Does it not occur to her that humans might eat different things than horses?

(Franziska attempts to whip the screen and is instead greeted by an Electric shock.)

Management would like to remind the sporkers not to damage the equipment or we will damage you.

Quote:

“Stop WHINING!” she ordered him in frustration as they entered the defendant’s lobby.

“I’m NOT whining, I’m COMPLAINING!!” he shouted back at her, completely losing his cool and causing the two white-armored pegasus ponies standing guard by the courtroom doors to look at him. Realizing he was making a scene, the human lawyer took a deep breath to get back his self-control and sighed.

“Ugh… Sorry Twilight, I’m just a bit nervous,” he admitted, rubbing his bleary eyes. I feel such a rookie right now; I’m going to be the only human being in that court room, he knew, imagining a room filled with ponies and no single human being except for himself…

“I’m sorry, too… the feeling’s mutual,” she agreed. Twilight hadn’t gotten much sleep either, even before she had fulfilled an emergency late-night request from the Princess, though in her case it was more due to endless worry about Rainbow Dash’s trial mixed with an insatiable curiosity about Phoenix and his world, especially fascinated by his human form and the strange ‘magic’ he told her about…

Lost in their own thoughts, neither the violet unicorn or human lawyer noticed when Rainbow Dash snuck up to them. “HEY!!” she shouted, startling both of them.

Franziska: Rude! *crack*

Phoenix: Ow! What was that for?

Franziska: If I can’t whip the screens, I’m whipping you!

Quote:

(Twilight and Phoenix jump up and Twilight lands in Phoenix’s lap.)

Rainbow dash looked back and forth between the violet unicorn and human lawyer, giving them odd looks. “What’s WRONG with you two? I should be the one who’s jumpy right now!”

Franziska: The “D” in “Dash” should be capitalized. *crack*

Phoenix: Ow!

Quote:

(Rainbow asks about what progress they’ve made. Phoenix tells her that Fluttershy is going to be a witness in the trial.)

Pearl: Uh-oh.

Phoenix: What’s wrong?

Pearl: Rainbow is going to take it personally. She is the element of loyalty, after all.

Quote:

(Sure enough, she gets angry. Phoenix asks if Twilight knows who the prosecutor is but Twilight doesn’t know.)

Phoenix turned away to spare her further embarrassment, still working on his own. Speaking of prosecutors… I wonder what Edgeworth would do if he were in my shoes right now? he wondered idly to himself, thinking of his former classmate, an accomplished attorney who was at once his greatest rival and best friend.

Franziska: Edgeworth is nothing but a fool of a prosecutor. He is no match for a von Karma.

Quote:

As if in answer to his unspoken thought, he had a sudden mental image of Ace Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth… dressed in his courtroom attire while frolicking with a trio of colorful ponies in a meadow, riding the back of one and prancing around like a little girl.

“This is just like that one episode of the Steel Samurai where he meets the Pink Princess!! WHEEEEE!!!!” Phoenix imagined him saying in a sickeningly sissified voice.

When the vision had ended, Phoenix had gone deathly pale, cringing and shivering. Doctor, I’d like the part of my brain responsible for that image lobotomized please…

Franziska: It is just like that man to run off and do foolish things like that.

Phoenix: Looks like I still have problems with femininity. Joy.

Quote:

“Does it really matter what the prosecutor is like?” Twilight said, interrupting his bad daydream.

Phoenix shook his head, both in denial and to clear it. “Save a few, most of the prosecutors in my world are always stuck up, smug and arrogant,” he told her, summarizing his experience with all the ones he’d faced.

Franziska: …*crack* *crack* *crack* *crack*

Phoenix: Ugh….

Quote:

Twilight smiled at that. “Don’t worry. I don’t think there is anypony in Equestria like that…”

Pearl: Trixie.

Phoenix: Huh?

Pearl: The prosecutor is Trixie.

Quote:

(The prosecutor is Trixie. Trixie more or less comes in to mock Twilight and Rainbow.)

Hearing his voice, Trixie turned her attention towards Phoenix. “And what in Celestia’s name are YOU supposed to be?” she asked with more than a hint of contempt in her voice.

“Me? I’m Rainbow’s Defense Attorney… Phoenix Wright,” he politely introduced himself to her, holding out a hand in greeting.“What?! YOU?!” she laughed at the strange creature in front of her, making no move to return the gesture. “This should be easy if Trixie’s opponent is to be THIS hairless ape! From what Trixie has gathered you are only here because ‘Twilight Screw-up’ botched up a spell, HA!” she spat out, making Phoenix’s blood boil. “Trixie would NEVER settle for a wretched-looking creature such as yourself as a Defense Attorney… nor would Trixie blunder a simple summoning spell in the first place.”

With that, both Rainbow and Phoenix snapped, Trixie’s verbal bombardment turning the pair turned into a ‘Rage-Enhanced, Fury-Blinded, Anger-Fueled’ Human-Pony Combo. Seeing red, Phoenix set his jaw. “Actually, Rainbow Dash? Forget what I just said. Let’s go for it! Take her out and make it hurt!”

Phoenix: Um, I wouldn’t get that mad over a few petty insults. Annoyed maybe, but not this mad. This is like “Hurting one of my friends” mad.

Quote:

(Twilight stops Rainbow and Phoenix from assaulting Trixie. Trixie leaves. Twilight explains that Trixie was a travelling magician that Twilight embarrassed. Phoenix notices the defendant’s lobby looks similar to the ones in his world.)

Pearl: Do they have a TV as well?

Quote:

“Of course it does! It was inspired from human architecture,” Twilight told him, pulling his attention away from the odd image.

Phoenix blinked. “Why would it be inspired off of human architecture? Seems a little unnecessary if you ask me…”

She grinned at him. “Humans have a commendable sense of justice. The way you humans uphold the law is what must have inspired the designers of this court house. Our criminal justice system also resembles yours as well from what I’ve read, so you should feel right at home…” she promised.

All: …

Franziska: So they made the courthouse look like the ones we have based on a generalization that human have a good sense of justice? That. *crack* Makes. *crack* No. *crack* Sense. *crack*

Phoenix: Ow…

Quote:

(Twilight finds the Magatama. Phoenix asks for it back. Twilight uses her magic to pick it up and something mysterious happens.)

Pearl: …

Phoenix: Pearl, do you know what’s going to happen?

Pearl: No, I have no idea…that’s what’s scaring me.

Quote:

(Nothing else important happens except this part at the end:)

Finally, she stepped back and nodded, as if satisfied with her efforts. Was I just… magically felt up? Phoenix couldn’t help but wonder, giving the violet unicorn a slightly askance look. Putting the absurd idea out of his head as hard as he could—a little attention-starved, are we Phoenix? he thought derisively—he nodded back, putting on a confident air as he led Twilight into the courtroom to begin the trial.

(The lights flicker back on. However, the doors to the lobby are still shut tight.)

Phoenix: Why are the doors locked? Shouldn’t we be going home now?

Franziska: …Management must want to put us through an extended session.

Phoenix: (You don’t look too happy about that.)

(Without another word, the light lower down.)

Spoiler:

Quote:

(The beginning of the trial proceeds as usual until this happens…)

“The Defense is ready, your honor…” Phoenix replied automatically to the familiar voice. Once again, his common sense was a little slow on the uptake, only kicking in upon realizing the person—a human, not pony—presiding over the trial is none other than The Judge he argued cases in front of back home!

Franziska: I don’t see why Phoenix Wright’s typical lack of common sense is worth commenting on.

Phoenix: Why does this author think I’m slow?

Pearl: Um, Is nobody concerned why The Judge is in Equestria?

Quote:

(Phoenix is shocked that The Judge is in Equestria. Twilight explains that, because of politics, they needed a last-minute replacement for the judge and she summoned The Judge for it.)

“Aren’t these ponies just remarkable, Mister Wright? They have shown me nothing but a good time!” The Judge said, to some approving hoofclops from the audience.

“All they’ve done for me is make fun of my hair…” Phoenix muttered to an equal number of equine snickers.

Franziska: We do not need a scene to establish that Phoenix Wright is foolish. That should be obvious by now.

Phoenix: (Ouch.)

Quote:

“Very well. The prosecution may make her opening statement,” The Judge gave Trixie permission to talk first.

“About time! The GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie would like to start off by saying that the Defense had no chance of winning in this… Zero… Zilch… Nada… None!” she proclaimed arrogantly, raising her nose a little higher with each spoken synonym.

Phoenix stared at her in disbelief. “What kind of opening statement is THAT?!”

Franziska: I agree. That fool of a horse is highly unprofessional.

Phoenix: (Says the woman who basically stated the defendant was guilty because she was perfect as an opening statement. How’d that work out for you?)

Quote:

Trixie ignored him, acting like he was beneath her notice. “In fact Trixie finds it insulting she is not given a proper attorney to wage battle with. Instead, she is forced to deal with this idiot…” she said, insulting Phoenix in the courtroom to his face.

“What’s your PROBLEM?!” he demanded to know, infuriated anew by her attitude.

“Please refrain from personal attacks on the Defense, Ms. Trixie. Can you please just get on with stating your case?” The Judge said politely but emphatically.

Phoenix had never been so glad that The Judge was there to shut her up. There has to be a rule in the prosecutor handbook to be as unpleasant as possible! he growled to himself, thinking that if attitude alone were the deciding factor, Trixie would do well in the courtrooms of his own world.

Phoenix: (This is going to hurt…)

*crack* *crack* *crack* *crack* *crack*

Quote:

“On June 8th at around the 20th hour, ‘Ace Swift’, a famous pegasus athlete, was murdered in the Everfree Forest. Unfortunately we don’t know why he was in such a place but the Ponyville police force found his body there. And with the evidence and an eyewitness account they were able to find his killer: Rainbow Dash!” Trixie announced, pointing a hoof at the angry cyan pegasus standing in the defendant box.

(Trixie, with some prodding, produces the Autopsy Report.)

Ace Swift Autopsy Report

Estimated Time of Death: 8:30PM - 9:00PMCause: Died instantly due to severe electrocution.Burn mark on the back of neck: Unknown cause

Phoenix: (She better not update it.)

Quote:

(Trixie then proceeds to enter in her second piece of evidence.)

“A storm cloud found right above the crime scene is what we believe killed Ace.” Trixie announced, matter-of-factly.

(The author posted the picture of the objection bubble Phoenix voiced his first objection of the trial in dramatic fashion with a raised arm and pointed finger, announcing his protest of the evidence in a loud, clear voice. “A STORM CLOUD?! You call THAT decisive?! How could you place blame on my client for THAT?!” he demanded to know, slamming the rail with his hands. “Unless you are honestly suggesting Rainbow Dash can move clouds around and make them shoot lightning at will?” he mocked Trixie with his hands on his hips and a triumphant grin, certain he had the upper hand… only to realize the entire courtroom was staring at him in stunned silence…

A silence that stretched for many awkward and uncomfortable seconds. Why is everyone looking at me like that? he wanted to know, his triumphant smile starting to falter…

He turned to his erstwhile assistant. “What’s her problem, Twilight? She can’t honestly think someone can control weather. It’s ludicrous!” Phoenix insisted.

Trixie responded before the violet unicorn could. “You have to be the biggest imbecile Trixie has ever laid eyes on!” she proclaimed.

“Mister Wright …that’s a pegasus’s job here in Equestria… it’s sort of… what they do.” The Judge explained, sounding very embarrassed for him.

Pearl: Pegasui have the ability to control the weather. Not all pegasui do that for a living, though.

Quote:

(Everyone continues to make fun of Phoenix for his error.)

“When a Pegasus sets off a cloud, the first bolt will always strike under it. This particular storm cloud bore hoof markings of the rainbow colored loser in the defendant chair,” Trixie announced.

Rainbow Dash stood up out of the defendant’s seat, fed up with the constant insults. “I’ll show YOU who’s a loser you two-bit FRAUD!” she announced, flaring her wings, ready to attack Trixie again.

Phoenix: Ugh, Don’t do that, Rainbow! For both our sake’s.

Quote:

(Rainbow Dash gets reprimanded and the court moves on.)

Clearly, Trixie didn’t think so. “Naturally, the body was discovered directly under the storm cloud in question. Trixie believes this is pretty open and shut case,” she concluded, looking immensely smug and satisfied with herself.

“As do I. There aren’t many ways to be electrocuted in the middle of the forest,” The Judge agreed. “Well, there was that one incident when I was camping with the bug zapper. It nearly fried my beard off!” he recalled, reminiscing on his own personal ’Electrifying Experience’.

All: …

Franziska: Hpmh. His Honor needs to be more careful with his things.

Quote:

(Phoenix asks who reported the crime.)

Trixie shrugged. “It was quite peculiar, actually…” she said in a mysterious tone, leaving Phoenix itching to know more—maybe the pony who reported it had a connection to the crime?

He was about to find out…

Phoenix: What an unnaturally forced cliffhanger. What kind of person just stops talking in the middle of a conversation like that?

(The lights flicker back on as our three sporkers find that the doors have been unlocked.)

Franziska: I don’t see why Management had to wrangle me in for this fic. It has nothing to do with me.

Phoenix: Maybe Management wanted some fresh blood?

Franziska: Hmph.

Pearl: The fic is kind of interesting, though. I do want to know what really happened to Ace Wilde. But at the same time, the fic is kind of boring, too. It could do with less exposition.

Phoenix: I’m just hoping next time I’ll be more in-character…and still single.

(All three part ways and leave for the exit.)

Last edited by cuteyounggirlplus on Mon Sep 07, 2015 12:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

@Airey. Yeah, I did tend to give a lot of one-liners. It's hard to write a lot of responses to this because it's so different from what we usually get around here. I'm not sure how the characters would react.

@Airey. Yeah, I did tend to give a lot of one-liners. It's hard to write a lot of responses to this because it's so different from what we usually get around here. I'm not sure how the characters would react.

That's the trouble with sporkings, I guess.

Speaking of sporkings, I'm actually working on one right now so I'll have it saved as a draft by the time everyone reads this post, pretty much... since I'm not sure I should post it right this minute. I'll either post it this evening or tomorrow sometime. Or in the middle of the night, like I did a year ago.

If you need any help with how characters would play off of each other, I'm your sporker. The thing I love most about writing sporkings is the interaction. :)

As Airey said, the reactions, while on point, still leave a bit to be desired. Also, I feel that the editing this time wasn't as effective as last time. There were some parts that leave a bit too much of the fic intact without the sporkers reacting very much.

Now that I have a bit more time to spare, I'll see what fic I can find to spork. I might not be posting it so soon, but I hope to expect it some time these two weeks.

You know, I've never watched My Little Pony, but I'm starting to wonder why everypony seems to be female and if that doesn't cause reproduction issues. Maybe that explains the interspecific attraction.

There are male ponies too. One episode from the... 3rd season, was it? was actually about Pinkie Pie babysitting some fillies. There was a nursery and everything. And apparently, baby fillies are terrifyingly powerful.

Today's sporkers are! "Can't I get a break?" "Can't I get a break?" "Sporker Dream Team, go!"

[We open up in our sporking theatre. Everything seems, at first glance, completely normal, although there is an oddly ominous atmosphere. Today's sporkers are seated uncomfortably in their already-uncomfortable seats.]

Phoenix: Even the narrator's pointing out how foreboding this place is today...

Edgeworth: Mm. I was under the impression that the Management was taking a rather hands-off approach as of late.

Speakers: Well, it's true that we're trying to get back to our mostly non-interfering roots, but we like to mix things up now and then, you know? The times change and sometimes you gotta change with them!

Maya: So we get chatty Management today. Hmm.

Edgeworth: Did you have something to tell us, or did you just want to bother us?

Speakers: Oh, no, no, never. We just wanted to welcome you...

[The lighting suddenly goes a theatrical red, the humidity in the theatre increases, and a discordant chord is struck.]

[And so another sporking session draws to a close. Will we return to Voreland in the near (or far) future? Was Miles Edgeworth right about the Management bluffing? Is the Management even serious often enough to bluff in the first place? Stay tuned, readers!]

Wonderful job, Airey. I always knew we were somewhat reptilian in nature.

Still, thanks to all the mentions of "pests" and the humidity, I couldn't help but recall last night's traumatizing experience... I was unable to swat the annoying mosquito in my room. I swear I heard it buzzing by my ear, but it was so dark. I couldn't see it, and I was too tired to turn on the lights. It was a battle of perseverance against summer heat and potential mosquito attacks.

So if I see a single mosquito in this theater, I am frying it with our newly imported infrared laser. (Never ask where these things come from, guys.) It is designed specifically to destroy mosquitoes, but it may also irritate skin if exposed for a while. I think it may see some use in the near future...

Ah, screw it. My search for DGS-inspired fanfics has failed me. The game is too recent, I guess, and if there's going to be a fanfic of it, it'll be in Japanese. I'd rather not have to translate the piece.

It's bad enough to catch my attention and bad enough for me to destroy it. I've only skimmed through the first few chapters, and I think I'll need some time to reorganize my confusion. Not to mention, it may be long, but its chapters are short for the most part, so it'll make it each section more manageable.

I can't say for sure if I'm finishing it to the end, but I'll see how far I can get with it.

“I told you, it’s WRIGHT!” he corrected her for the second time. “I do have questions regarding that cloud though… how many times did the storm cloud strike? I noticed two charred areas that were quite a distance apart from each other on the crime scene,” he challenged Trixie.

“Three times… after the cloud was activated by… heh… you-know-who,” she said with mocking glance at a now-restrained Rainbow Dash, who just glared. “The cloud operates by itself: gradually firing lightning wherever it wants, but never in the same place twice. It was large enough to hold three bolts of lightning,” Trixie noted.

Phoenix: So that’s one bolt of lightning left unaccounted for.

Edgeworth: Your case will hinge on that second bolt, no doubt.

Maya: Isn’t it dangerous to not have control over the last lightning bolts like that? Why would they design lightning that could potential kill somepony on accident like that?

Phoenix: I don’t know. I doubt it’ll ever be answered in this fic however.

Quote:

(Trixie flat out admits they don’t know what happened to the second bolt.)

Edgeworth: Of all the…! You think you’re able to prove guilt beyond a reasonable doubt when you haven’t even figured out what happened to a potential murder weapon yet?

Phoenix: I guess courts here aren’t as strict on what evidence is needed to try someone.

Quote:

“Ace was also wearing a lightning-proof suit that protects the body from lightning—standard issue for all participants of the Equestrian 500. It protects the pegasi from lightning when flying at high altitudes. The only reason the first bolt killed him is because it was aimed with precision at one of the exposed parts… by Rainbow Trash!” Trixie asserted, causing the cyan pegasus to audibly snort in anger, pulling hard at her restraints.

Phoenix: The second bolt could have hit him there too. It’s not beyond the realms of possibility.

Edgeworth: Considering the autopsy report mentioned a burn mark on the back of his neck, I have to assume that’s where the exposed part was. But why would lightning-proof suit leave a hole there?

Maya: There’s a plot hole, literally!

Quote:

(Phoenix tries to claim that the second bolt hit Ace Swift, not the first.)She was still one hoof ahead of him, cutting him off yet again. “If the second bolt hit Ace directly, it still would have touched the ground, leaving burn marks like one under the cloud. Even if he were struck while in the air,” Trixie concluded, and Phoenix finally fell silent under the weight of her very well-reasoned assertions.

Phoenix: The bolt would hit the ground even if he was struck while in air? How is that supposed to work?

Edgeworth: The lightning bolt could always go through him, I suppose.

Phoenix: And through the lightning proof suit? I don’t think so.

Edgeworth: Urk! (My truth bar…)

Maya: Lightning bolts! How do they work?

Quote:

(Phoenix asks about the third lightning bolt. Trixie tells him it hit a tree when the investigation team was there so it’s unimportant to the case.)

Phoenix: Now we know for sure what happened to the tree.

Quote:

“Right here is where the first lightning bolt hit—directly above the body. We know it was set off at 8:40PM,” she said, the magically-controlled pointer tapping the spot in the clearing where Phoenix and Twilight found the tape outline.

“The second one is a mystery. We don’t know where it touched down but we are sure a bolt of lightning left that cloud at 8:50PM. The third bolt touched down at 11:35PM when the investigation team is on the scene so we can completely rule it out of the crime. It just took down a tree right here…” Trixie next pointed out a spot on the west end of the crime scene, exactly where Phoenix and Twilight saw a felled tree the previous night.

Phoenix: So the second one hit at 8:50 and the third one hit at 11:35. That’s quite a time gap.

Edgeworth: They did mention that the investigation team was there when the third bolt struck. A time gap would be expected.

Quote:

(More time discussing facts we already know. Trixie finally announces she has a witness and brings them into the courtroom.)

Phoenix: We’re getting some witness testimony! Finally!

Quote:

“State your name and occupation please…” Trixie asked calmly, though Phoenix, Twilight and even The Judge couldn’t see anypony in the witness box.

“Huh?” Phoenix said, breaking the awkward silence from the courtroom.

“Um… Where’s the witness?” The Judge asked, a bit confused.

“Ah’m down here!” A young, country-accented girl’s voice called, its source still unseen.

Edgeworth: Oh, it’s Apple Bloom.

Phoenix: Who?

Maya: She’s one of the Cutie Mark Crusaders and Applejack’s little sister.

Phoenix: …Who?

Quote:

(Phoenix and Twilight discuss who the witness might be.)

“Perhaps we should get some boxes for the witness to stand on…” Trixie suggested, which were promptly floated in by the unicorn bailiffs. “There, much better…” she pronounced, a smiling and very cute yellow young earth pony girl with a red mane and a very large pink bow now visible on the witness stand.

Phoenix: You’d think they’d bring in the boxes beforehand when a child is testifying.

Edgeworth: I’d prefer if we try to avoid having children testify at all.

Quote:

“Howdy!” the filly said with a friendly, eager smile, and a country accent.

The Judge predictably (to Phoenix) went ‘ga-ga’ over the sight of the cute little earth pony girl in front of him. “Awwww, aren’t you the most adorable little thing!” he told her, eyes going googly over her sheer cuteness.

All: …

Phoenix: (…Well, she is pretty cute.)

Quote:

“Now then, witness. State your name and occupation.” Trixie began again.

Edgeworth: As much as I loathe capslock, I can’t fault the author for keeping her in character.

Phoenix: What do you mean?

Edgeworth: Let’s just say the Cutie Mark Crusaders and Mr. Justice share a certain quirk and leave it at that.

Quote:

(Phoenix and the Judge are confused about Cutie Marks. Twilight explains:)

Twilight smiled knowingly at that. “A Cutie Mark is a symbol ponies earn when we find out special talent. For example…” the violet unicorn shifted slightly to show him her flank, drawing his eyes to the starburst symbol on her hip. “The stars on mine represent my expertise in magic and love for stargazing.”

Maya: Uh, I may have only watched each episode once but I’m pretty sure Twilight’s cutie mark represents her talent for magic, not anything about stargazing.

Edgeworth: No, you’re correct. The author simply didn’t bother to make sure their interpretation of Twilight’s cutie mark was accurate.

Quote:

(Apple Bloom is interested in Phoenix and asks him some questions. Phoenix answers that his species is human and his job is a lawyer. He than explains that a lawyer is someone who argues to defend their client.)

She gave him an odd look. “Your job is to… argue?” Apple Bloom asked, seemingly making sure she heard him right.

Phoenix scratched his chin at that. “Well, yes… I guess it’s kind of like that…” he admitted.

To his surprise, Apple Bloom got excited. “Ah knew it! Ah KNEW it! There IS a cutie mark for arguin’! Wait till Ah tell Scootaloo! We were goin’ about it all wrong! We can be…”—she took a deep breath—“CUTIE MARK CRUSADER LAWYERS!!!” she announced, loud and proud once again.

Phoenix resisted the urge to facepalm. The future of criminal justice is looking pretty bleak right now…

Edgeworth: I have to agree. With those three trying to be lawyers, we could be facing a second Dark Age of the Law.

Phoenix: Catastrophizing, much? What’s the worse three kids can do?

Edgeworth and Maya: …

Quote:

“Witness! Let’s get back to the topic! Testify as to what you saw last night!” Trixie commanded, getting very frustrated with the young filly.

“No! I’m losing valuable crusading time ‘cause of you. This is BORING!” she complained.

“SNOTTY?! Why… you…” the show mare sputtered, nearing the verge of madness.

“You tell her, Apple Bloom!!!” another country-accented female voice called out from the audience, in between guffaws from the rest of the gallery.

Edgeworth: Not only is the witness talking back to the prosecutor but her sister is encouraging it? Doesn’t anyone care about courtroom manners in this fic?

Maya: C’mon. You can’t say Trixie doesn’t deserve it.

Edgeworth: …Whether or not the prosecutor is in need of a lesson in humility is beside the point. The gallery should not be encouraging such childish antics!

Quote:

(The Judge finally encourages Apple Bloom to testify as the chapter ends.)

Maya: That’s it? We don’t even get any testimony? What a rip-off!

(The lights flicker back on.)

Maya: We finally get to see some witness testimony! Only took how many chapters?

Edgeworth: Eight.

Phoenix: This author likes taking their sweet time, huh?

Maya: I know. Bet there an old stick in the mud like you, Nick.

Phoenix: I-I’m not an “old stick in the mud”!

(Before anyone else can say anything, the lights dim.)

Spoiler:

Quote:

“Ah went to Zecora’s place in the Everfree Forest to help her brew some stuff. After we were all done, Ah walked home along th’ pathway. Just then… Ah heard a lightning bolt. It was… 8:40… but it didn’t scare me! Then, Ah found my way out of the forest and went on home.”

Phoenix: Uh, who’s Zecora?

Edgeworth: Apple Bloom doesn’t seem so sure about the time.

Maya: Yeah. How does she know what time it was anyway? It’s not like there’s any clocks in the Everfree.

Phoenix: (Well, I guess nobody’s going to answer my question…)

Quote:

(Phoenix presses the first statement. Apple Bloom tells him that Zecora is a zebra who lives in the forest.)

Phoenix: Ah. That explains it.

Quote:

(Phoenix presses the second statement and gets in trouble. He and Twilight talk.)

He took a deep breath before speaking again. “I’m kind of on a handicap here—not being able to squeeze information as I would normally do with any other witness. But I have dealt with children in the past and I can do it again,” Phoenix promised, as much to remind himself as reassure Twilight.

The violet unicorn looked at him in fresh interest. “Oh, so you have children? You don’t really look like a father type…” she commented, seemingly appraising the human lawyer in a whole new light.

His eyes went wide at the suggestion. “N-no, I don’t have any kids! I mean I’ve dealt with children testifying!” he hastily corrected her before she got the wrong idea. Me with children… that’ll be the day!

Phoenix: Then I adopted Trucy. And I haven’t regretted it since.

Maya: You’re such a good dad, Nick.

Quote:

(Phoenix presses the third statement and ends up reaffirming that Apple Bloom heard the first lightning strike. He tries a different angle and Apple Bloom ends up admitting that she ran off and got lost for 20 minutes before bumping into something.)

Phoenix: Shouldn’t she have heard the second lightning bolt then? And who did she bump into?

Edgeworth: Not necessarily. We still don’t know what exactly happened to it. It might not have even made a noise for all we know. As for the pony Apple Bloom bumped into, I haven’t any idea.

Quote:

Sensing the young filly’s testimony was heading off-script, Trixie tried to stop her. “Witness! This is the first time I’m hearing about this! Why did you not say anything to me regarding this earlier?!” she demanded to know, leaning over the rail and raising her voice again.

Edgeworth: This has gone past disrespectful and into obstruction of justice.

Maya: You mad, bro?

Phoenix: Maya, you’re just making it worse.

Quote:

(Phoenix presses Apple Bloom on the thing she bumped into. Apple Bloom doesn’t know what it is but after Phoenix jogs her memory realizes it was alive. Apple Bloom says that after bumping into the living thing she saw another flash of lightning and somehow end up outside the forest.)

Edgeworth: She must have bumped into an unicorn who teleported her out of the forest.

(Phoenix says that if Apple Bloom saw the second lightning bolt right before she left the forest (at 9:00) then there is a contradiction with the report that the second lightning bolt struck at 8:50. Trixie tries to explain.)

“It could have been a giant illumi-bear the child bumped into or something of that nature; many animals in the Everfree forest have strange characteristics, including built-in lights,” Trixie went on calmly and smugly, knowing she was back in control. ”She probably bumped into it and just happened to be near the exit of the forest and stumbled out in her daze. The GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie has explained the inconsistency in this witness’s testimony!” she finished with a flourish, detailing ‘her’ conclusions to the court.

Phoenix: That doesn’t explain what happened to the second lightning bolt.

Edgeworth: I’m sure Trixie’s going to go with “The lightning bolt magically disappeared without a trace” explanation. It doesn’t seem like she cares that she’s missing a vital piece of evidence anyway.

Quote:

(When Phoenix tries to ask about the second lightning bolt but Trixie claims it is trivial because Apple Bloom was only here to testify about the time the first lightning bolt struck. The Judge agrees and Apple Bloom’s testimony ends.)

All: …

Phoenix: …Another reason for Ace Swift’s electrocution is trivial?

Edgeworth: Going by Trixie’s logic, any cross-examination ever is trivial.

(The lights flicker back on. In the back of the theater, a creaking sound can be heard as the doors open.)

Maya: Man, Talk about a disappointing way to end a chapter. I just hope the next one will be better.

Phoenix: Considering Trixie will still be prosecuting, I doubt it.

Edgeworth: At least we don’t have to deal with a child as a witness next time.

Phoenix: Do you know who the next witness is, Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: Wright, surely you remember the last couple chapters. Fluttershy said she would be a witness in court.

Phoenix: ...Oh.

(With that the three leave the sporking theater and its tension filled atmosphere.)

Last edited by cuteyounggirlplus on Mon Aug 10, 2015 10:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Now that Trixie is mentioned, I'm suddenly reminded that Thane did a sporking of another MLP x Ace Attorney crossover fic, although it was much worse than Turnabout Storm. I do think Turnabout Storm is boring though, I keep tuning the fic itself out and if it wasn't for the sporking it'll be unbearable.

Anyway I'm happy that you're keeping up with this Turnabout Storm spork and you're doing a pretty good job, but I do think you need to be a little bit more careful about where you cut things? Like for instance, you cut out the dialogue about the tip and then started the next part with "'I told you, it's WRIGHT!'" Since we don't know what Trixie called him, I think it would've been better to leave that part out as well and instead start the quote with "'I do have questions regarding that cloud though...'" Anyway, yeah, that's about all I have to say.

Title- Step on My LadderRating- This fic isn't bad, per se. The spelling, grammar, and descriptions are actually pretty good. It's just that whoever wrote this must've been drunk or high when they came up with the idea. So yeah, OOCness and creepy behavior.Now, here comes our sporkers!Phoenix Wright! "I have a feeling there's going to be some arguments this time…"Apollo Justice! "I've been here a lot lately… I hope I'm not the management's new favorite."Klavier Gavin! "You can never replace Herr Edgeworth in their hearts, Herr Forehead."and Trucy Wright! "Two Sahwits? Hey, maybe this'll be kinda OK!"

[We begin in our sporking theatre where all our sporkers are already seated. Trucy is trying to cheer up Apollo and Phoenix.]

Trucy: Aw, b-but narrator! You ruined it! If you tell Daddy and Polly what I'm trying to do, then it won't work!

[I am so sorry. I'll try to think before I narrate next time, p-please don't yell at me…]

Klavier: I believe you hurt the narrator's feelings, Fräulein Trucy.

Trucy: Oh no! I didn't mean to do that… I'm so sorry, narrator!

[It's OK! I was joking anyway.]

Trucy: Really? Hey Polly, did you know that the narrator has a sense of humor?

Apollo: No, not really.

Trucy: Narrator, tell Polly a joke!

[M-Me? Well, I do know one good jo-]

Speakers: The management would like to remind Trucy Wright not to provoke the narrator. Oh, and narrator? You know your job. Stick to it.

[Y-Yes sir…]

Phoenix: …Is it just me, or is the narrator starting to sound more and more like Detective Gumshoe?

Speakers: Enough about the narrator! You know what? We're just going to start the fic now.

Quote:

Step on My LadderBy: Chikita

Trucy: Ooh, are we going to get bananas?

Apollo: Bananas?

Trucy: As in Chiquita Bananas!

Apollo: Oh, right…

Trucy: Hey Daddy, can you get the management to give us bananas?

Phoenix: As far as I know, they only accept bribes from Kay.

Speakers: …

Phoenix: (Wait, no witty reply? I expected them to say something…)

Trucy: How about you, Prosecutor Gavin? You're charming enough!

Klavier: Heh, you flatter me too much, Fräulein. But sadly, no I cannot.

Trucy: Aww...

Quote:

Maybe it was the late nights. Maybe it was the stress. Or maybe it had something to do with the half empty bottle of cheap corner store scotch that sat open on the desk next to a glass that had just a single sip left in it. Or maybe it was a combination of the three.

He knew it had to be one of those things, nothing else could explain his current state of affairs.

At the moment, he was currently in the dimly lit office wearing nothing but a pair of boxers and his shirt, which was undone. The rest of his clothing had been unceremoniously discarded on the floor. His left hand flung the last item away; it was a tie.

Phoenix: An office. Since we all have offices, it could be any one of us.

Trucy: Except me of course!

Klavier: Nein.

Apollo: N-No?

Klavier: It can't be me. I do not wear ties.

Apollo: Well, aren't you lucky?

Quote:

Turning back to the desk, he paused and picked up the glass of scotch and slugged it. He threw his head back as he finished off that last portion. The liquid slid down his throat, burning. He shuddered in delight as the liquid went down.

Apollo: Do we really need four sentences to describe someone drinking scotch?

Phoenix: You forgot the number one rule when people write these things.

Apollo: Which is?

Trucy: Ooh Daddy, can I?

Phoenix: Of course.

Trucy: Redundancy!

Quote:

With just the lingering tastes in his mouth, he slammed the glass down on the desk and turned his head immediately to the side and smirked leeringly.

Trucy: How does someone smirk "leeringly?"

Apollo: I don't know, but I'm a little nervous as to where this is going…

Quote:

He winked at the sensually arousing object of his affections.

Apollo: Oh no…

Klavier: I think you should be more concerned at the fact that it's an object, ja? It's doesn't say another person.

Phoenix: I'm just going to be quiet and hope it's not what I think it is.

Quote:

Beauty was truly in the eye of the beholder. He found her more alluring than any sexy temptress to bat her long, pretty eyelashes at him. She was truly the most beautiful ever.

He strutted in her direction, slowly stripping the white shirt he wore. He slid it off his shoulders with sensual shrugs as he kept his gaze on her. He let the shirt glide off his arms, pooling around his feet on the floor. His left foot moved forward, kicking the offending garment to one side.

Apollo: I thought the tie was the last item thrown away. Where did the shirt come from?

Klavier: Have you been paying attention at all, Herr Forehead?

Speakers: If that's the case, then the management would like to remind Apollo Justice that he is to pay attention to the sporking at all times. Thank you for pointing that out, Klavier.

Apollo: What did I do?

Phoenix: It said earlier that he was wearing a shirt and boxers, and then threw the tie away.

Apollo: Well, then that's the author's fault for saying that the tie was the last item!

Trucy: It's OK Polly, I knew what you meant the entire time!

Apollo: And you didn't say anything?

Quote:

He extended out his arms. "Come to my pretty... oh darling, I long to hold you in my arms. To caress your sensual lines..." he purred as he reached out drawing the step ladder in the office in close into a longing embrace. He lowered a hand on the step ladder and caressed up and down.

All: …

Phoenix: I knew it! I knew it! Why did I have to be right? Why?

Trucy: Well Daddy, now you know how Mr. Edgeworth feels!

Klavier: I am glad this isn't me, but I feel bad for Herr Wright and Herr Forehead.

Apollo: I really really hope this doesn't get more explicit than this…

Quote:

He leaned in, placing his face against the cold leg of the step ladder and whispered lustfully. "Why don't we get more comfortable, my dear ladder?"

Trucy: …It's Polly.

Apollo: W-What? How do you know that?

Trucy: Because he called what is clearly a step ladder a ladder.

Apollo: …So?

Trucy: So Daddy and I are team step ladder!

Apollo: …

Phoenix: Heh, well, better you than me.

Apollo: *glare*

Quote:

Thrusting his erection against the left side, he moved his hips up and down, creating friction. He repeatedly thrust his hips greedily into the step ladder, rubbing his erection on the rigid side.

Apollo: AUGH!

Klavier: Achtung! This isn’t something I want to see!

Phoenix: *covers Trucy's eyes* I really hope some things are going to get cut out soon…

Trucy: D-Daddy, what's going on?

Klavier: N-Nothing you want to see, Fräulein.

Apollo: Why does this stuff always happen to me?

Quote:

He threw his head back, his antennae falling back. He moved his hips faster; increased the movement; giving himself completely over to the step ladder.

Apollo: Why do people expect me to always act like this when drunk? No, why do people even think I get drunk? I hardly ever drink!

Klavier: Maybe fanfic authors don't like you?

Apollo: What did I ever do to them!?

Quote:

Each thrust brought out a deep lustful moan. It became rhythmic. Thrust; moan. Feed the insatiable sexual drive; frustration.

Phoenix: I need more hands! Apollo, cover Trucy's ears!

Speakers: We didn't say anything earlier… but Trucy Wright is to participate in the sporking at all times. Apollo, don't even think of covering her ears. And Phoenix? Stop covering her eyes.

Phoenix: No! Not until you start cutting things out!

Speakers: C'mon, this isn't even that bad. You know better than to test us… Besides, this part is almost over.

Phoenix: So this is the most explicit it gets?

Speakers: …

Phoenix: *slowly lowers his hands*

Speakers: Good boy.

Quote:

Inebriated and sexually needy, he rubbed his erection against the ladder and moaned loudly, greedily groping the step ladder; he could feel the climax rapidly approaching.

A girlish giggle broke the reverie. "Don't you mean step ladder?" a voice asked. The tone was curt yet playful.

All: *stares at screen*

Apollo: *joyfully* YES! Thank you Trucy for ruining the moment!

Trucy: U-Um, it wasn't a problem, Polly.

Phoenix: Why are you so happy? Do you really want a young girl like her to walk in on that?

Apollo: Of course not, but that means this part is over!

Klavier: Or…

Apollo: O-Or?

Klavier: Or something worse could happen.

Quote:

"Huh?"

Trucy closed the door behind her and walked over to Apollo. The grin on her face invoked a range of emotion within him. He wasn't sure how he should feel at this moment. Confusion; why she was here? Then realisation; he was wearing almost nothing. And then, finally, embarrassment; not only was he wearing next to nothing, he was drunk and clumsily trying to dry hump the step ladder.

Apollo: Good. At least something in this fic is right. Fic-me deserves to be embarrassed.

Quote:

She placed her hand on the step ladder. "Even if you're going to hump the step ladder, at least have the decency to call it by its proper name."

All: …

Apollo: …I-I don't know which is worse. That fic-me is humping the ladder, and the author thinks I would do that, or that Trucy is 200% okay with it.

Trucy: That's step ladder, Apollo!

Klavier: Ja, if anything this fic should at least teach you which is which.

Apollo: That's not the issue here!

Quote:

Apollo went to offer up a witty retort but found himself coming up dry. He had nothing he could say. He sheepishly put the step ladder to one side, and slunk away. He didn't want to get into a discussion about this now...

Trucy studied the step ladder, her hand still rested on it and remarked offhandedly, "when Klavier fucks you into the wall in the men's room at the courtroom, you don't call out Kristoph's name, do you? Sure they look the same..."

Klavier: So this is why I am here. I've been wondering for a while now…

Klavier: And I wouldn't do that to Herr Forehead! Least of all in a public restroom! What if Herr Judge walked in?

Apollo: And Mr. Gavin and Prosecutor Gavin aren't twins, they don't look exactly the same! One has glasses, is taller, and has a longer face.

Klavier: …It's been awhile since there was a fic that paired Herr Forehead and myself. Remember the first fic that did that?

Apollo: …A Handful of Justice. Thank you so much for reminding me, I almost forgot about that.

Trucy: I remember that! Didn't Prosecutor Gavin get a nosebleed at the end?

Phoenix: …What happened in that fic?

Apollo: N-Not what you're thinking, Mr. Wright!

Quote:

"TRUCY!" Apollo was just appalled at the suggestion. "I would never do that!"

Apollo: Not that I wouldn't call him Kristoph, but I wouldn't do that with him. Period.

Quote:

"Then don't call the step ladder a ladder. It has feelings. It may look similar but there are fundamental differences..."

If he wasn't already red in the face from the large quantities of scotch he had consume, he was red now. He had never been so embarrassed in his life. He wanted to crawl under the desk. It was the next best thing to a rock.

Apollo: Yes, please go under the desk. I'm sick of looking at you.

Trucy: Aw, don't be like that Polly!

Quote:

"...for example, the step ladder opens versus the fact that the ladder can't spread it. You know, like you do when Klavier has you on your back."

She rested the step ladder against the wall.

Apollo: How would fic-Trucy know that? Did fic-me tell her?

Klavier: Hopefully fic-me wouldn't… Although, I don't have much respect of any of these fictional versions of ourselves.

Phoenix: I'm just glad I'm not in this fic.

Klavier: Not yet anyway, ja?

Quote:

Apollo had taken a moment to crawl under the desk while she was distracted.

Apollo: Yes, good! Finally fic-me is doing something reasonable!

Quote:

She glanced under the desk and blinked at him sweetly. "You know it's true. It's a step ladder. Sometimes the small differences do matter."

Apollo groaned and buried his face in his hands. He was drunk, but at this rate, he planned on being blind drunk. He needed to erase this moment from his memory. He didn't want to remember this moment tomorrow.

Apollo: I wish I could forget this entire experience.

Klavier: As do I.

Phoenix: I agree.

Trucy: Me too!

Quote:

He sighed. "Trucy... you killed the moment." He kept his face buried in his hands.

Apollo: Yes, the only reasonable thing she's done in the whole fic!

Klavier: Good thing she did. Things could've gotten a lot worse if she hadn't…

Quote:

She picked up the bottle off the desk and waved it in front of him and giggled. "For someone who doesn't drink..."

"..some time we need to..."

He peered through his fingers and met her expression. He then mumbled. "And... what if I was desperate? At least the ladder—"

"STEP ladder."

Through clenched teeth his seethed, "at least the STEP ladder doesn't nag me about what I call it."

Apollo: Who am I referring to here?

Klavier: It sounds like you're talking about Fräulein Trucy.

Apollo: Oh no, not another one of those fics.

Phoenix: "Some time we need to…" A-Are you trying to get Trucy to drink!?

Apollo: That's fic-me, Mr. Wright!

Quote:

She folded her arms and snidely replied. "I'm sure if it spoke, it would tell you that you're wrong. It's a step ladder and it would like you to respect its feelings."

"Ladders do not—"

"Step!"

He sighed and wondered he did to deserve this.

Apollo: I'm wondering the same exact thing.

Phoenix: Hey look, the last sentence is missing the word "what."

Quote:

He stood up and snatched the bottle from her. "You shouldn't be... drinking. You're under age."

Phoenix: Finally fic-Apollo is doing something reasonable!

Apollo: You mean besides hiding under the desk?

Quote:

"At least I know the difference between a ladder and a step ladder." Her tone was smug.

Glancing at his empty glass, Apollo did the only thing he could think of; he poured himself a glass. Paused. Then pointed to the door. "You can take your step ladder obsession and leave..."

Klavier: You're the one with the step ladder obsession if you're trying to hump it. Ja, Herr Forhead?

Apollo: Shut up!

Quote:

"Or?"

Apollo blinked stupidly. Was she serious? Did she just ask him for an alternative to his command? "Or what?" He hadn't been prepared for that.

"Yeah. If I don't leave?"

He shrugged and took a sip from the glass. "I don't know..."

She picked up his shirt and held it out to him. "You should at least put your clothes on."

"No!" Apollo snatched the heap and threw the bundle into a nearby corner. He then sat in the office chair, holding the glass. "I intend to sit here wearing nothing but my undies." He raised the glass. "I declare this to be the night of a thousand undies!"

Trucy glanced down at her clothing and shrugged. 'When in Rome, do as the Romans!' Off went the clothes. She then picked up an extra cup in the office and taking out juice from one of the drawers in the desk, poured herself a cup. She held it up and declared, "Yay! Panties party!"

All: …

Phoenix: No one. Say. Anything. Got it?

Apollo, Klavier: *nods*

Trucy: Yeah, but I have to wonder if fic-me has a br-

Phoenix: Trucy.

Trucy: ...Sorry, Daddy.

[The lights flicker back on]

Klavier: It appears that the fic is over.

Apollo: Finally. I can't wait to go home and forget all of this.

Klavier: By drinking, ja?

Apollo: No! I almost never drink!

Klavier: Relax Herr Forehead. It was a joke.

Apollo: Ugh.

Trucy: Hey Polly, to cheer you up, I'll take you to Eldoon's Noodles! Daddy will pay!

Phoenix: Hey, I never agreed to this!

Trucy: Pleeease?

Phoenix: *sighs* OK, OK.

[And so another sporking session comes to a close. Who knows what will happen next time? Heh, the management probably does… But anyway! We all hope to see you next time!]

Last edited by Skittlemask on Sun Oct 04, 2015 11:11 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I'm not sure if this fic has been sporked on the old forums or not but it deserves to be sporked. The author even refers to it as a troll fic on his profile page so there's no doubt left of it's sporkability:

I do wonder if you should have cut some out, per forum rules? Then again, I can't really talk after uh... every over thing that I've sporked.

Yeah, when I was writing I was thinking of whether I should cut anything out of not, but then I figured that if I did it would waste some good opportunities. If Trucy didn't walk in and disrupt the moment, then I definetly would've had to at that point. Perhaps I should've posted it somewhere else...

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