For many of us, the word “seduction” immediately conjures up images of vampy heroines from Hollywood movies. It’s Madonna slithering across Warren Beatty’s desk in Dick Tracy or Sharon Stone uncrossing her legs for Michael Douglas. It’s Christian Grey slowly running his fingers along Ana’s body in 50 Shades of Grey or Mrs. Robinson asking Benjamin to unzip her dress in The Graduate.

That said, most of us don’t have a real-life reference point when it comes to the art of seduction and if we do, it’s something we associate exclusively with the beginning of a relationship.

“Seduction involves a degree of surprise, which is generally the first thing that disappears after you’ve been in a relationship, and why there’s no more seducing that goes on. Everything is familiar and you’re no longer surprised by the other person,” writes Robert Greene, the author of the best selling book, The Art of Seduction.

However, studies have shown that a healthy dose of surprise is exactly what long term relationships need. Finding ways to incorporate seduction into your relationship, “raises the temperature and pulls in a playful energy that can ignite something passionate and primal,” says Pastel Supernova, an award-winning Burlesque Entertainer, Choreographer and Showgirl based in Toronto, Canada.

As a sought after burlesque teacher and founder of Love Letters Cabaret, Pastel Supernova knows a few things about teasing out desire. If the idea of seducing your partner brings up feelings of awkwardness and discomfort (me, slide across a desk? I think not), Ms. Supernova has some newbie-proof tips.

1. Practice self-care:

“To exude confidence it is vital that a person feels good about themselves,” says Supernova. She urges people to “create self loving habits that help you feel your best self and practice them often.” Post positive affirmations around your home. Take sexy selfies of yourself that are meant only for you. “If you catch yourself in the mirror say YES right away! Accept the yes before looking for things that need to be fussed over and fixed,” she says.

2. Stimulate your senses:

Sounds, scents and textures influence how we feel. “Play music that puts you in a great mood and wear a little reminder that You Are Fabulous. For example, wear your favourite scent or a piece of jewellery or clothing that is solely for your pleasure. The more you celebrate yourself, the more you’ll be able to relax in the hot body you live in. Your friends and partner will notice and when you’re ready, flaunt it!” says Supernova.

3. Take your time:

Seduction begins long before sex. Supernova likens it to revving up an engine for an extended period of time. This starts with touch and scent. “Sneak in real close to feel each other’s breath on your skin. Touch each other not always in a sexual way but touch often… get creative. Pay attention to each other,” she says.

4. Drop hints:

Tune in to your partner. “People continuously drop hints about what they like (often when they talk about food) and if you truly don’t know what turns your partner on, ask. It can easily flow into dirty talk and at the very least it will show curiosity, honesty and trust. Those sexy qualities are beautiful things,” shares Supernova.

5. Focus the eyes:

Mrs. Robinson knew exactly what she was doing with her zipper. “Add a little burlesque and bring your partner’s eyes to the body parts you want them to look at; a light touch on your favourite garment or body part is a strong choice,” says. Gently touch your partner and give them the opportunity to do the same. “Once the attention is on the desired area, take it away. The tease has begun,” says Supernova.

6. Have fun:

Everyone finds different things sexy, so there’s no right or wrong way to seduce your partner. Try to have fun with it. “Relax, laugh and don’t forget to be yourself,” says Supernova.

Lastly, as Pastel Supernova reminds us, “being seductive” is really just being comfortable enough in your own skin to be enjoyed. Love your gifts and offer them to those who deserve you.”

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