"Tina! Why must you always be gallivanting? You are such a monkey. I'm going to wrap you up in cotton wool and make you live in a shoebox." -My mother

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

i have descended into madness

The earliest a pregnancy test could possibly mean anything is this Friday. A more reasonable time to break it out would be next Wednesday or afterward. That's why I've already given myself two in the last two days. Good. Good going. So, of course they're negative. They're even negative if you stare at them really hard while they're developing, right up at 'em super close with a death stare.

I'm still completely convinced that I'm pregnant.

And I could be right. I don't normally get headaches, but I'm getting these frequent mild little headaches. A SYMPTOM. I got a little bit of cramping right at the time when my new child oughta be burrowing that egg into the walls, there. THAT'S SOMETHING. I have to pee all the time. A SYMPTOM. I ate lunch with a friend of mine today and felt queasy a couple of times. SEE WHAT I MEAN?

I'm going to be really irritated if I'm not pregnant, even if that just means I can pencil in more sex with my husband. So that's not very gracious of me. That part will be good. It's the waiting, and the madness.

Look, whether or not I turn out to be pregnant, I know that my kvetching must be extremely irritating for all those who had either legitimately long waits for this news or are still waiting after even longer periods of time or have complicating issues. Please forgive me if that's you.

With every spasm of headache, I'm like OH YEAH. AWESOME. WITH CHILD. POKE ME, head. Twinge it. Bring it. Every little moment of queasiness is like a tiny bouquet of roses. If I'm not pregnant I'm going to feel like an asshole. What else will be new?

P.S. Finn has his first real little friend! Ladies and gentleman, I give you young Miles Gehrman! Well, I don't. I don't have a current picture. But I will. You'll be hearing more about him shortly. Right after I buy him a pony and a six-foot milkshake. Awesomeness is afoot.

16 comments:

Okay I need more details about this whole "friend" development. And no, it's not just to distract you from your pregnancy. But that might be a fringe benefit.

HOW does this happen, the transition from "other kid over there near me, doing stuff," to "you are now my friend?!" Did Finn tell you that Miles is his friend? Do they talk about stuff earnestly and then sort of quiet down when you walk by? Are they writing and performing really bad soap operas in your basement rumpus room? (That might come later.)

I can't remember how the first friendship thing happened for me, as a kid. I must live vicariously through you and Finn.

And last but not least...is it possible that Finn will teach "Fuh" to Miles? Thus cementing Finn's place as the coolest and funniest friend ever?

Stress is bad for this kind of thing. Trust me, I know. When we were trying for our first, I had three false alarms and went through a few tests myself. Then we went on vacation and bam! There she was. Try to relax, I know it's easier said than done, but try.

I knew Betty had two friends because she would ask for them. "See Adelaide? See Owen?" Also she recognized the route to their house and when I passed it one day without stopping she totally flipped out.

Finn was into Miles from the moment they met. When we were leaving the party in question, Finn went and got right up in Miles' face (in a friendly way) and said BYE MILES and THANK YOU and then he walked a few feet away and went back and did it again a couple of times. And Miles said, BYE FINNY.

At home, Finn would say, "Miles is a little BOY." And then he'd say, "I want to hold him" and "I want to pick him up" and "I want to pick him up and put him in the playpen" and "I want to pick him up and put him on the ground" and "Want to go to the den" (the den is at Miles' house).

When they met again, Finn ran up and gave him a hug. When they met yet again, Miles was beckoning him to come play, "C'mon, FINN!"

Finn did try to pick Miles up once and it didn't go over so well. Miles was, um, not into it. I will have to work to prevent other sorts of Of Mice and Men moments from happening.

Dup, it kills me you're not in town. You'd be in fat city. We'd be rounding up Davey and getting them all in the mix. Miles is totally bitchen. He's like a teeny tiny Richie Cunningham. He and Davey would be the total redhead brothers. And he's a sweet, sweet, smart little man. You better get out here for a visit.

omg you have got to stop taking those stupid tests. i know, i know people would tell me to stop thinking about it when i was trying to and i would be like, "you stop thinking about it mo-fo" but really, stop thinking about it. don't take the test until 3 days after you're supposed to get your period. the reason they tell you you can take it up to 5 days before is because THEY WANT TO SELL MORE TESTS.

I know I have to stop thinking about it and stop taking those tests. I will compromise by not taking the tests. But if I stop thinking about it the baby will think I'm not paying attention to it and leave my womb. I can't risk it. The baby is only stuck there after I get a positive test. In between now and then it's a free agent. I have to cater to it.

Charlie Moe (age 7) has had a proven friend-making method for years. Spot a kid on the playground who looks nice, approach said kid and just ask, "Will you be my friend?", kid invariably says yes, Charlie has a new friend. Done and done. He just made a new friend yesterday. A kid named Benny. Benny and Charlie are friends because Charlie asked. He's been doing this since very early preschool, works every time.I might try it here in St Paul.

About Me

Welcome to the old home for my blog, The Gallivanting Monkey, which has lived here for ten years and is now more like a little museum. My new home = www.tinarowley.net, where The Gallivanting Monkey shall live from now on.