Zach Randolph just had his worst season of basketball since Eminem and Dr. Dre used to actually rap and J-Lo was just Jenny from the block. Z-Bo’s minutes, points, and rebounds all took big hits and he only started eight of the 28 games he played in.

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This is a scary thought to think, but the Minnesota Timberwolves may actually become a strong playoff contender for years to come. Blech, still felt weird saying that string of words. But it’s very plausible, as they now have a solid core of players to build around: Ricky Rubio, Kevin Love, Jose Juan Barea, and possibly the most important piece, Nikola Pekovic.

I get it, Blake Griffin is a physical specimen. He is the best ginger basketball player to surface since Brian Scalabrine. He always puts the toilet seat down. He brings your daughter home by 11 PM. You follow him on twitter, he follows you back.

Nothing excites me more than a player who contributes a little bit of everything, yet isn’t particularly strong in any particular area of the game. You know, those quiet players you slot in your utility position who bolster several statistical categories but ask for little in return.

I’m just going to come right out and say it, I will be lovin’ me some Nicolas Batum this upcoming season. This love is completely platonic, or as the kids like to say, no homo; although, he does have a dashing smile and resembles a young Obama.

Whether or not you follow baseball, I am sure you’ve heard of them new-fangled Sabermetrics that have revolutionized the evaluation of players on the diamond. Statistics such as BABIP, FIP, xFIP, WAR, GWAR (oh wait, that last one wasn’t right) allow owners to look past the traditional statistics in order to find value in players who may not look so pretty on the outside.

In case you missed it, the artist formerly known as Ron Artest delivered a blow to James Harden’s medulla oblongata, which knocked Harden out of the game with concussion-like symptoms. MWP said the elbow was completely unintentional, claiming that it was just a result of being overly excited from dunking over Serge Ibaka.

In case you have been living under a rock, or already lost your playoff matchup and moved on to baseball, LaMarcus Aldridge is undergoing season-ending surgery for a labral tear in his hip. Labral tear? I thought only women could have those.

Derrick Rose finally returned to the court against the Knickerbockers Sunday after missing 12 games with a groin injury. That is the longest period of time someone has been incapacitated by a groin-related issue since the summer when the 13-year-old me discovered a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.

Ryan Anderson has been kickin’ it with Stephen Curry too much, as he went down with an ankle injury in Sunday’s game. The injury looked bad, but luckily for his owners the x-ray results came back negative, the good kind of negative.