We don’t have much in the realm of content this morning (while I will do the updated box office since we have some really cool numbers to go over), but based on the recent success of Disney/John Favreau’s The Jungle Book, I wanted to show off Disney’s latest live action update.

Since Maleficent (which was more of a “behind-the-scenes” version of Sleeping Beauty), Disney has been on a constant string of success with their live-action material from their animated films. Like last year’s Cinderella:

Simply marvelous and beautiful if I do say so myself

To this years’ epic The Jungle Book, it’s now hard to ignore the charm and actually faithfull filmmaking going into these new live-action adaptations.

In 2017, Disney hopes that we will enjoy another update of a classic tale and bring the same care along with it. As short as it is, I give you the very cinematic looking Beauty and the Beast teaser trailer:

I’m not sure if you saw the same teaser I did, but from the very beginning, with the cold and snow sweapt castle and the lone light at the top of the tower in the Disney logo, I was hooked.

This is my best effort at a screenshot along with cropping, so if it’s terrible, I blame lazy cats. But isn’t the logo pretty?

I only have a few comments regarding the teaser. First off, I’m not sure Ewan McGregor (portraying the sex-feind candalabra Lumiere) knows what a French accent actually is. Hopefully his Jedi training will kick in and he’ll change a bit. On the opposite spectrum, you have Ian McKellen’s Cogworth using every aspect of Magneto and Gandalf to not giving a flipping crap about what a French accent might be. Even the titular star, Emma Watson as Belle doesn’t even try. I will not say she’s stuck as Hermoine from the Harry Potter films, but I’d like the actors to do something like, oh I don’t know, THEIR JOB!

He’s throwing shade at Kevin Costner. This is a very deep inside joke, good luck at getting it.

Secondly, I have to give Disney such props by allowing Alan Menken to do the music for this film. The reason I say that is that, is Menken also did the score to the 1991 Animated Beauty and the Beast. It’s almost as if Disney is daring you to call them on it.

Their new bodyguards are pretty serious.

Finally, I have to get excited with them choosing Bill Condon to direct the film. While he does have a few Twilight movies on his resume, we can’t hold mistakes against people who lose bets all the time. The films he did that are spectacular far outweight anything else.

So, I’m excited that one of my favorite Disney films is getting updated with excellent actors, a competent director, and a fantastic (yet repetitve) scoremaster. Now, if only they would only do my favorite Disney film:

I will “Go the Distance” for this film. Yeah, I know that’s a bad joke, but hell I want this film.

“You did it. You crazy son of a b*tch(s), you did it.” -Dr. Ian Malcolm, Jurassic Park

Here I am. Packing all my stuff into a box and getting ready for the big move tomorrow and io9 tosses this trailer at me. I’ve been half waiting, half dreading this trailer for months. Now here it is, in all of its shameless naked glory. And I actually mean…glory.

First appearance Castiel glory…

How did they take one of the most beloved franchises in film history, polish it up, and make it look good for 2016? Everything is stacked against this film. I mean EVERYTHING. There are male chauvinists angry that it’s a team of ladies. Half the fan base thinks rebooting the franchise is the dumbest idea since restaurant bread.

If I had wanted a blunt instrument, I would have asked for the shillelagh on the wall…

And finally…why mess with perfection? Ghostbusters came out the year I was born and belongs in the same pantheons such as Star Wars, Star Trek, Jurassic Park, and insert your favorite film series here. And before this trailer, there was even signs of brilliance. Just look at the first official image of the team:

Pretty epic stances there ladies

I loved the new outfits and each one of them seems just different enough or out of their element, well, except for Kate McKinnon and Leslie Jones (relative unknowns to me). Kristen Wiig and Melissa McCarthy are the ones I’m immediately familiar with and can appreciate their addition. I’m so happy that Melissa McCarthy is continuing her excellent humor from Spy and not just a walking “fat joke” roles she took early on.

Of course their is the obligatory hatred of Leslie Jones character since she is stereotypical “black” according to the internet. Just shut up, please. She’s playing a role as it was it was written. No matter what they did with her, someone would have been offended and written a dissertation on why this is exactly Hollywood is terrible. Did we forget they’re evil because the industry is a money grubbing cult?

Oh yeah, those guys

Seriously, for the most part, the fact that actual entertainment comes from Hollywood is likely pure coincidence. And don’t tell me that this film is going to be crap because it’s directed by Paul Feig. You laughed just like I did when Maya Rudolph pooped in the middle of the street in a wedding dress in Bridesmaids.

It sure did sweetheart, and on July 15th, we’ll get to see it!

So I will go ahead and say it, on July 15th of this year, my butt will be firmly planted in a theater seat ready to watch a new team kick the crap out of poltergeist, ghosts, and whatever is thrown their way.

Sorry guys, I’ll be in my recliner watching you every week

And even though a wonderful group of ladies will be taking over the proton packs, that doesn’t mean the original Ghostbusters fill will be gone. My kids are going to watch the originals first and that’s just a fact. There is no reason why the two cannot co-exist. Is it a money grab? Heck yes. Does it have potential to suck? No more or less than any film out there. But if done well, all I’ll see is more Ghostbusters, and I cannot and will not apologize for optimism here. After all, in a movie industry that is just in it for the money…who ya gonna call?

It doesn’t matter to me that we called these gentlemen first and it shouldn’t to you either

Good morning Bleary-Eyed Fans, did you watch the Academy Awards last night? No? Neither did we. In fact we cared so little, our post was both late, terrible, and unfinished. Also, as far as predictions, we only got one: Leonardo DiCaprio won his Best Actor in a Leading Role.

Okay, he earned this party

All I can say is that it seems like a little bit of a pity Oscar. Not that Leo doesn’t deserve an Academy Award…it’s just that he should have got it one of the other four times he was nominated. The Revenant just wasn’t that special (and pretty inaccurate). Oh well, he won, are we done now?

Of course there was a ton of racist issues this Oscars (pretty much like the 87th preceding ones), from boycotting, asking Chris Rock to step down as host, and even the absolutely correct viral statement: #oscarssowhite. There wasn’t anything we could do and it’s just going to keep happening. I wish I could say something different, but I can’t. It’s just a despicable time we live in where all people are not created equally. It’s a shame, but all a movie dissector like myself can do is point it out and choose not to be like those that perpetrate hate and racism. Although I will say, even though he has quietly slipped into the “B-List” of acting, Chris Rock had some good things to say about it. I was proud of him monologue (or what I caught snippets of this morning) and while it wasn’t a joke, he didn’t hide anything.

Dude rocked the WHITE suit and told it like it is

There are no videos of the full monologue yet, but I’d like to recount my absolute favorite part from Chris Rock’s discussion on race, how awful the Academy Awards are, and how strange the whole damn this is in general:

“But things are changing. Things are changing. We got a black Rocky this year. Some people call it “Creed.” I call it “Black Rocky.” And that’s a big, that’s an unbelievable statement. I mean, cause, “Rocky” takes place in a world where white athletes are as good as black athletes. “Rocky” is a science fiction movie. There’s things that happened in “Star Wars” that are more believable than things that happened in “Rocky”, O.K.?”

*Sweating bullets*Finn can’t tell if that was more racist or less…

Alright, we can agree I can’t fix racism. But what I can do is report on some of the better things of the night. Starting with the big winners:

Best Picture: Spotlight

Best Actor in a Leading Role: Leonardo di Caprio for The Revenant

Best Actress in a Leading Role: Brie Larson for Room

Best Actor in a Supporting Role: Mark Rylance for Bridge of Spies

Best Actress in a Supporting Role: Alicia Vikander for The Danish Girl

I honestly had a real plan for this article. It was going to be a week long event in which we had guest writers discussing things like #OscarsSoWhite, how terrible the panel is due to ridiculous rules, eligibility, and voting, but I just can’t seem to care enough about the award show to make a real effort at posting something profound.

Seriously, I just Googled “Apathy” and this was the first image that came up…

In lieu of an article about how awful the Oscars have become (and pretty much always have been), I’m going to go over some of the major categories and see if we can find something of interest somewhere among them to talk about.

Academy Award for Best Actress

First off, I really don’t like the fact that we still distinguish between “Actresses” and “Actors” via gender. They are all actors and should be treated as such. In my opinion, we should really put Jennifer Lawrence (nominated this year for the movie Joy) up against Eddie Redmayne (nominated for his (her?) performance in The Danish Girl) or Matt Damon (nominated for The Martian). If you’ve seen Joy, you know it’s no where near the caliber of her past performances (Silver Linings Playbook, American Hustle, etc.), but it’s still a well put together movie and for her part, she does everything right and again, showcases an immense amount of talent.

“Don’t put metal in the SCIENCE OVEN!” Still my favorite line of that movie and quite possibly 2014.

Anyway, there are other actors (yes, screw the word Actress) that are nominated as well, here is a quick round up:

Cate Blanchett, in Carol Aird, as Carol

Brie Larson, in Room, as Joy “Ma” Newsome

Jennifer Lawrence, in Joy, as Joy Mangano

Charlotte Rampling, in 45 Years, as Kate Mercer

Saoirse Ronan, in Brooklyn, as Eilis Lacey

IWTMM’s Prediction: Jennifer Lawrence

Of course it has to be Jennifer Lawrence. Everyone loves her (she is really seemingly charming by all accounts) and if the panel even recognized any other actor’s name in that pile, then I would be surprised. Just give her another one, let her trip on the stairs or her dress *cue laughter* and a “surprised” winning speech.

Seriously, you’ve likely seen Mad Max: Fury Road, the other nominations, not too likely. If you have (or even if you haven’t), Charlize Theron kicks so much ass in two hours than all the “Action Stars” of the 80’s combined. I totally think she should go all Kanye West on the Winner.

“I’m gonna let you finish, but first, I want to shoot a few idiots in the crowd.” -Charlize Theron

Academy Award for Best Actor

I believe they add, “in a Leading Role” to this title, but I don’t really care (that’s going to be a theme during this whole article). Let’s take a look at our powder-white nominees:

Bryan Cranston, in Trumbo, as Dalton Trumbo

Matt Damon, in The Martian, as Mark Watney

Leonardo DiCaprio, in The Revenant, as Hugh Glass

Michael Fassbender, in Steve Jobs, as Steve Jobs

Eddie Redmayne, in The Danish Girl, as Lili Elbe / Einar Wegener

IWTMM’s Prediction: Leonardo DiCaprio

Leo has been passed over for this award in four separate years. They skipped a year between nominating him so it didn’t look too suspicious, but I believe DiCaprio has been thoroughly snubbed. It likely doesn’t make any difference to him. Did you see what he got to do in The Wolf of Wall Street?

I can just see all the tears spewing from his gold-lined tear ducts…

I mean, come on, you think Leo cares? Does he want to win, probably, it’s seemingly a big deal to these Hollywood types. But if a little gold statue is more important than the millions he rakes in for almost every film he does, then I really think the “art” in film is moot.

I think this is a bit more up everyone’s alley…

Academy Award for Best….

You know what, I really don’t give a crap. The Oscars are horrible. The monologue is obnoxious and no matter who wins, someone is going to be upset. I don’t even have enough apathy to finish this article.

IWTMM’s Prediction for Best Director: Adam McKay for The Big Short

IWTMM’s Prediction for Best Picture: The Big Short

Seriously, I don’t care. The Big Short was a phenomenal movie with excellent actors, a horrifying reality, and was honestly both entertaining and filmed very well. It’s on the “Unicorn List”. It’s both entertaining and “Critically” acclaimed. So, for my money, it’s going to come out the winner, but I really don’t care. The whole thing is just a big Hollywood circlejer…….

We apologize for the inconvenience as us at I Watch Too Many Movies attempt to appeal to all audiences, thus the ending of the review has been closed and censored.

…..and that’s all I have to say about that. At least I get to see Zootopia next weekend.

Good afternoon our Bleary-Eyed movie viewers. Hopefully you’ve had enough time to sober up from last night’s festivities or you’re like me and went to bed at 10 PM, so you’re just wasting the day away until reality comes back and you actually have to do something.

Not saying everyone is a sweaty construction worker, this is merely a comment on Climate Change- it’s real and we need to wake up before it’s too late! This photo was taken in December…in Alaska!

Yesterday we ended 2015 with our thoughts on Star Wars: The Force Awakens and a quick look at some of the most amazing trailers from the excellent 2016 slate. We don’t have a lot today until we catch The Hateful Eight tomorrow, which certainly looks interesting, but I will say it doesn’t have enough Christoph Waltz for my taste:

Hopefully we’ll have a review for you all on Tuesday and get to tell you what Mr. Tarantino’s film has in store for the unsuspecting public. Until then, I know many of you may have asked: “Just who are these handsome gentlemen who are telling us which movie we should see and which one we shouldn’t?”

First, I’ll not dignify the “Handsome” remark above as it just wouldn’t be proper. Lastly, not secondly, I will give you a tiny bit of our credentials from 2015. I will direct your attention to the picture below:

What you are viewing above you are 63 movie ticket stubs. Also, it represents 56 individual films, I mean seriously, you think we wouldn’t see Star Wars twice? We began this lovely site somewhere in the third or fourth row and hopefully you’ve enjoyed everything we have thrown at you in that time. If you didn’t, let’s just say we have friends that can change your mind…

“We read “I Watch Too Many Movies” before it was mainstream. And we’ll totally be sarcastic when talking to you…that’ll show you” – Hipster “Enforcers”

Anyway, other than Hipster Attack Squad Plaid, we wanted to show you we take our jobs seriously here at I Watch Too Many Movies. We’ll watch good movies, we’ll watch terrible movies, and we’ll watch movies that will likely make most of you sleepy, but watch them we shall.

So keep that in mind, if there is a film arriving in theaters that you’re thinking about going to see, and you’re not sure about it because those supposed “Professional Movie Reviewers” used some fancy words like “Celluloid” in their review. We’ll only ask you one question? Who ya gonna call?

Terrible babysitters, not us. Dear god not us.

Happy New Years Day everyone and we can’t wait to bring 2016 to a digital device near you…probably in your hands, on the screen, or streaming to your TV, you get the point.

Ah! There he is! Thank you so much Mr. Waltz, your so kind giving me the credit for your last few Oscars.

It’s been an epic half a year at I Watch Too Many Movies. There are still some movies for the rest of the year and quite possibly the most anticipated movie of the decade since The Avengers. In fact, we have 7 days and 14 hours by my count:

Take your pick, I’m stoked about both of them

We want to thank all of our Bleary-Eyed fans who read our reviews and tolerate our crazy attempts at humor. It’s usually a given that a movie review should have humor and more than a little bit of actual review…ness. We know that most of our reviews come late, really after a movie has released, but since our readership isn’t as obsessed with movies as we are, we’re hoping that our opinions matter a little bit to someone out there. I know we’re always thinking about the kids.

“Please sir, can we have more content?”

Well anyway, I wanted to point you all to a few of my favorite posts this year and then we’ll talk about what we might be doing for our end of the year extravaganza. Probably discuss our favorite movies of the year and then, of course, a HUGE party!

At least there will be something like beer…

Anyway, let me showcase some of my favorite reviews or segments that we did this year:

Surely there is more to come in 2016. We’ve discussed doing a Podcast once or so a month. There is the thought of partnering with another fantastic site, Nerdgasm that will showcase more of the gaming aspect. They do an excellent Twitch channel on YouTube and you should definitely check them out.

Finally, I came across a hilarious trailer based on all the epic movies that came out this year. I hope you all enjoy!