Vatican City Launches 'Papel', Online Redemption Service.

Pope Benedict XVI - rumored to have quit his vocation as God's chosen earthly servant because of bullying on twitter - has launched 'Papal', an online equivalent to the typical church donation bowl. Users can login and check their existing confessions and submit additional requests for forgiveness, the prices of which vary depending on the sin.

Confessions are then sent to a GOD (Generic Online Devout) for consideration, and hidden in the sites 'My Angel' page, a subscription service is available for serial sinners.

Another interesting feature is the 'Redemption Code', an e-card with a prepaid sin downloaded onto it. Entering the code into the papal website allows sinning up to the value on the card.

"My wife got me one for Valentines, topped up with £200. Think of all the things I could do! I could file my taxes wrong four times, not pay for a mars bar twice, or sleep with her sister once. I think I'm going to choose the latter", explained a jubilant ex News Of The World reporter.

The Vatican has remained quiet on the new service, but an exclusive source has suggested the 'iGod' - a virtual WWJD device that provides advice in times of hardship via additional DLCs (Dowloadable Link to Cardinals), due to be released this summer - could detect sins such as texting someone other than your wife and listening to Justin Beiber, and automatically send money to God.

Quite how the last bit works, the pope has openly explained. Unfortunately, it was in Latin, which only Latin teachers understand. We were, however, informed that the total £500,000 to be processed by the site so far has nothing to do with the £500,000 net child molestation court costs incurred by the religion's priests.

The service was launched in the Pope's last tweet: 'Redeem urself online FTW! #imthepope #YOLO-ETERNAL' in an effort to attract younger audiences. Child Protection have been informed.