Are there any rockstars left on the planet that half a modicum of wit left or is it just High Flying Birds frontman Noel Gallagher putting in the shifts by himself. The former Oasis legend is known for calling it how he sees it and putting the boot into the music industry and celeb culture. Whether you think he’s a straight talking sage for the working classes or just an embittered old has-been from Manchester, everything he says is fucking hilarious.

Talking About The Merits Of Chart Success

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He’s got a point, don’t think anybody actually gives a fuck about who’s number 1 except at Christmas when it’s usually some spanner off X Factor trying to get to the top spot in which case you only care because you want to see the loathsome pop-tart fail.

Youth Is Wasted On The Young

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The only other person in the public eye who’s the remotest bit interesting is Shia Labeouf and he’s basically a cretinous First Year philosophy student discovering art for the first time.

Rock & Roll Opulence Is A Thing Of The Past

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According to Noel, there won’t be anyone driving around in gold plated Rolls Royce’s because the naysaying hipster brigade will be out in force, but would you really care what people say if you had a fucking gold Rolls Royce?

Cause I’m A Rock & Roll… Cat?

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I think Noel’s cat is just this grouchy furball who mopes around the house pissing everywhere and acting the prick, think it’s called Liam.

Noel’s Not A Fan Of One D, But What Male Over 10 Is?

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Noel’s famously once said of his cocaine us in the 90s that he “got stuck in” claiming “the middle classes experiment with drugs whereas the working class just get stuck in”.

He’d Probably Be A Jezza Corbyn Fan Then

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Although Corbyn’s radicalism is actually just rational ideas cloaked as radical thought to make him seem like a fringe lunatic.

Noel Doesn’t Think Much Of Alex’s Rock & Roll Credentials

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He might not be an outspoken comic genius like Noel but he’s still one of the coolest motherfuckers on the planet and probably the best lyricist in the last 15 years.

Not A Fan Of Movember Then Noel?

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The only rock star who will ever get away with having a moustache is of course, Freddie Mercury.

Better Than Fleetwood Mac & Led Zeppelin

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Come on now Noel, you’re talking out of your arse mate…

Wensleydale or Brie?

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Noel must have been forced to listen to one of EDM-cheese merchant Calvin Harris’ drop heavy excuses for music.

Would Keane Be More Interesting If They Were Doing Smack In A Puddle Backstage?

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Probably have to reference the greatest Noel Gallagher quote of all time here, when talking about soft pop dweebs Keane: “I feel sorry for Keane. No matter how hard they try they’ll always be squares. Even if one of them started injecting heroin into onto his cock people would go ‘Yeah but your dad was a vicar, good night’.”