Archive for the Jennifer Love Hewitt Category

I guess reality has set in for Jennifer Love Hewitt after hitting the websites to see what everyone thinks about her new body and realizing that we’re not as impressed with it as she is. It’s called positive affirmation or some shit, where she has been working out, watching what she’s eating and the people around her have been biggin’ her up and boostin her ego making her think she’s accomplised some Star Jones caliber performance, not to mention her horny motherfucker boyfriend giving her constant sex after years of not getting any with her last fiance all clouded her judgement, but she’s straightened out and covered up her disgusting, and lucky for her boyfriend, I guess that means it’s back to fuckin’ with the lights off, so that he doesn’t have to see the sack of shit he’s stuffin’ his dick into…

In my life as a pervert, I don’t think I have ever seen a girl wearing a bikini while she plays tennis and I have definitely never seen a bitch wearing high heeled shoes while she plays tennis, and the only explanation I have for this is that this is the big reveal because she feels good about herself cuz her boyfriend’s been fuckin’ her proper and she isn’t as sloppy as she used to be so why not let the tabloids write about you, but she doesn’t feel quite good enough to wear running shoes, because they don’t make your legs look long and luxurious like heels do and the whole thing is a pretty desperate cry for attention, while her stomach is clearly making a desperate cry for an ab workout.

Jennifer Love proves my theory that the big titty girl from high school always grows up to be the fat assed girl at the office Christmas party ten years later….so she’s not the high school sweetheart you want to knock up or marry because that’ll just speed up the fuckin’ process, and I have no idea how all this happened to Jennifer Love, I can only blame depression or self-sabotaging because anyone who wants to a success in Hollywood has a responsibility to not get fat, no matter how tired they are of starving themselves, they have can’t let girls everywhere think it’s okay to let themselves go.

On the positive side of things, she’s lookin’ better than she did this time last year, and I like to think that has something to do with her new boyfriend, Jamie Kennedy, a man who once fucked a friend of mine.

He is subtley trying to trick her into burning some calories, like a good boyfriend who wants his bitch skinny, but still wants to get laid during the time it takes her to get there, he staged an innocent game of basketball, followed by a walk, swim, bike ride, sit ups and dinner at his favorite salad spot, which is more effective than my strategy to get my wife to lose weight by calling her worthless and a piece of shit while throwing baked goods at her forcing her to eat as much as possible it hopes she gets sick and never touches the shit again, which has proven to only make things fuckin’ worse…

There’s something really not magical about aging. If anything shit is pretty fucking depressing. There’s that whole closer to death bullshit, that gets me every birthday that comes and goes, but I’m more concerned about the death of someone’s sex appeak.

I know so many dudes who were in love with this bitch when she was comin’ up, they would talk about how she was the hottest pussy in Hollywood, they’d go on about her slammin’ tits, which would be interesting, if tits weren’t just a mechanism for closet case dudes to re-assure themselves by obsessing over tits that they aren’t gay, but there was always something about her that didn’t interest me and now that she’s older, sloppier and rugged, she’s really something about her that doesn’t interest me and I can pinpoint exactly what it is.

When Love Hewitt was in her last relationship she let herself go. She’d go out in public in period stained sweat pants. She’d eat and eat and fucking eat until those very same period stained sweat pants didn’t fit anymore and she was pretty much disgusting to look at, but like any good break-up bitch got her shit together, and any new budding love affair, bitch started fuckin’ again, and now she’s out in boots and a mini skirt like some kind of whore, because I guess he is one in the bedroom for that dude from the movie Scream.

So to all the girlfriends who would refuse to fuck me, here’s your proof that fuckin’ a loser can do some good for you.

I spoke too soon. These pictures lead me to believe that shes not a lazy fucking pig, but an anorexic. Now that her marriage was cancelled, the world laughed at her fatness, she started dating that Kennedy asshole from that annoying show who fucked a girl I know when he was in Montreal, a girl we terrorized after the fact because we all thought it was funny she groupied out to a guy who doesn’t deserve groupies, it was one of those “he’s a model, he’s in the local pharmacy flyers” kind of shit, only the TV and Video version.

Either way, Jennifer Love, let’s take back what we said about catching swine flu from your puss, and have you send up a signed pair of dirty panties for me to wear as a hospital mask while the rest of the world dies off, ideally leaving just you and me, the way it was meant to be. Or some shit.

Hey Jennifer Love Hewitt, glad you took some time to get ready and make yourself presentable. You lazy fucking pig of a girl. I’d hate to see what your underwear looks like, because this kind of outfit leads me to think disgusting, you should burn the shit, not one needs to be catching swine flu from them shits.

Jennifer Love Hewitt was at some film premiere for some Gen Art collective shit that showcases all the best in independent film or some shit, but based on their attendees, it looks like they are more into showcasing slutty tit.

Speaking of tit, I didn’t get fucked on my birthday, I didn’t even make it out to the stripclub, I didn’t even get a lapdance, or date rape a bitch. I guess next year, we’ll try to make it out to this Gen Art brothel. Not that you care.

So I am tried of being seen as this negative energy and as I cleanse my life from negative people, I feel I should bring some positive vibes to the site…that said, here’s my positive message inspired by Jennifer Love Hewitt by the pool…

Hey Jennifer love, you don’t look offensively fat, maybe it’s gotta to do with the decency and respect you have shown by covering the fuck up, or maybe it’s because you have taken some time to work on your body to get back on track. Good Job.

Jennifer Love Hewitt seems to think taking out the trash is the fucking set of Can’t Hardly Wait or whatever that 90s movie she was rockin’ her big tits and small body in.

She decided to wear her pajama pants like the slob that she’s become, but snuck in this belly top like she was a trashy local Britney Spears slut at some wet t-shirt contest in the late 90s, only she’s not hot and willing to suck anyone’s dick since she’s not young and having a good time, but instead, old, single and taking out the fucking trash because she doesn’t have a fucking man to do it for her….

I don’t know why I am bothering posting it, but that’s a common theme in my life so I am going to do it anyway.

Jennifer Love Hewitt is playing a pregnant girl on her show the Ghost Whisperer. The good news is that she doesn’t need to get in costume. I don’t know if people actually watch this show, but I have heard stories from people who worked on set that involved staying out of her way when the food cart comes out, because the emotional eating is just fucking outrageous, especially now that her marriage was called off and she’s all alone, but being the star that she is, she pulled it together and made it work for her. I can only assume this pain from not having a baby and family of her own, channeled into her work playing a pregnant girl, will her an Academy Award, sure that shit’s not made for TV, but she is just that good that if she doesn’t get one, it is highway fucking robbery.

I like how Jennifer Love Hewitt’s turned 30 and has officially given up on life. I remember when I first started wearing sweatpants in public a couple of years ago because I couldn’t find pants that weren’t elastic waist band to fit and for the first 6 months of the shit, I felt a little ashamed. I still try to fake it when I head out to bars and shit, not because I am image oriented or really care all that much, but there’s something about sweatpants that screams I slept in this shit, and didn’t bother getting dressed, that is never attractive or hot. Sure she can accessorize with her Luis Vuitton and a mercedes, but as far as I’m concerned bitch looks like the poor kid in your elementary school and not like a hot Jewish girl heading to camp and I blame her fat mother for that.

Jennifer Love Hewitt did some pussy sit-ups on Leno last night, I guess they had some kind of bet going the last time she was on the show, that next time around she’d take her fat ass to the floor and show them how her fitness level improved, so on National TV, she was called out to do it giving all you perverts a glance down her shirt and the whole thing was disappointing, I was hoping for injury, heart attack or at least some kind of close up, but all I got was a dumpy girl doing the kind of work out that got her dumpy in the first place.

Now I’m no fitness expert, if you saw me, you’d expect me to pass out from just standing and carrying my weight, but I did spend a lot of time at the gym a few years back for about a month, it turns out if you volunteer at the Y, you get a free membership, so not only could I use the sauna and shower and shave there, so people didn’t know I was homeless, but I could also spend hours upon hours watching girls in tights very fucking closely, to the point where I’ve figured out what perfect form actually is.

I actually believe that I am the reason all girl gym’s exist, I am the reason that Curves is a multimillion dollar company, and I’ll never see a dollar of that shit, cocksuckers. Sure you can say that other guys are there to be just as perverted, to hustle chicks, to show off how strong they are to get them to notice, but none are as good at perverted as me, I’m talking standing there in my everyday clothes, not pretending to work out, following whoever I found hot enough to watch perform until being asked to leave them the fuck alone because I was distracting them, 90 percent of the time before letting me finish myself off, cunts.

I was surprised it took being caught hiding in a locker in the women’s locker room for them to ask me to never come back.

Speaking of working out, here are some pics of Haylie Duff working out because she’s too irrelevant to get a post of her own….

Here’s Miley Cyrus Talking About Pilates Like the Idiot She Is…

There’s a part two to the Miley video in her “workout” gear, forgetting she is the driver…

So Jennifer Love Hewitt and her boyfriend/fiance of 3 years broke up over the Holidays and I don’t really give a fuck, because I don’t feel sorry for anything bad that happens to celebrities, because I figure it balances out all the luck those fuckers have had over the course of their lives. They aren’t anymore talented than you and they don’t work harder than you and they aren’t fucking blessed so it’s nice when they deal with some real life issues. Sure breaking up on the holidays is bad, but not as bad as the time I dumped a longtime girlfriend who wanted to marry me on our 3 year anniversary because shit was getting heavy and she was totally not expecting it, she was actually expecting a ring, but I’m sure she’s happy the way shit panned out in retrospect….but that’s not the point, the point is the life lesson we can all take from this….

When you’re dating a fat chick and you don’t put the pressure on her to lose weight and take the weight gain as a sign of sexiness, comfort and stability, you’re fucking up, because girls don’t respect guys who date fat chicks, even if the fat chick is them. They look at the mirror in disgust and realize that something is wrong with you for not busting a fucking move like a real man, so the second they start working out, you gotta take that as a sign because it means they are about to get ready to move on to new dick.

Seriously, dude put up with her when she looked like this for probably half their fucking relationship and where did that loyalty get him, pretty much no where but with a big tattoo on his face for future girls as a guy they can walk all over because he stands by his chick through thick or thin….

Here are some pics of the happy couple on the 27th, before their worlds came crumbling down….or at least his world, because there’s no way he dumped her after sticking out the fat years. Idiot.

Like a good useless celebrity, Jennifer Love Hewitt made it out to Disneyland for Miley Cyrus’ birthday. It is rumored that she’s trying to cling onto her youth as hard as she can, but I have a feeling that she’s doing it for the cotton candy. She wore a shirt that could have been see-through, but wasn’t because Jennifer Love Hewitt’s wholesome, fat chick demeanor has vowed to never show her nipples to the world, because she’s not that kind of girl, she’s more of the kind of girl who prefers showing off her ability to empty a dessert tray at a restaurant in record times, but I know some of you still like her, god fucking knows why, maybe it’s because you aren’t too good at moving on and accepting the fact that her time is done, it’s not 1996 anymore, but that would also mean giving up your first car you got in high school, moving out of your parent’s house and even getting a job and you just aren’t ready for that. So let’s all pretend time stands still and ignore these see through pictures of Jennifer Love that aren’t see through.