A third man drove away his load of L'Oreal beauty products. The driver was found unharmed in Warrington later that afternoon and his trailer was found burnt out near the M61 at Aspul, Greater Manchester.

His silver and blue DAF lorry, with white curtain-sided trailer and marked Francis Transport was taken with its load of 31 pallets. Their value is not known.

Presumably their value is unknown because in a beauty based interpretation of Schrodinger's famous thought experiment - whilst on a pallet it's an emulsion of fat and water with some perfumes added; whearas on the shelf in Harvey Nichols it becomes more expensive gram for gram than Gold.

At the moment, the stolen products are existing in a quantum state of dual value, until the waveform collapses and they reappear at a car boot sale - two for a fiver.

The robbers were believed to have employed cosh-firming technology using pro-smackinol A, developed by Laborotoire Dave.

Of course you can cristophe, there are plenty of small time guest houses along my street, or alternatively there maybe room at the inn Mlynarski. Be warned, the place will be crawling with my low life mates who'll more than likely be pushing the boundries of society.Or maybe they'll just be pished, I know I will be...