Monday, January 14, 2008

Washington, DC - Superbowl 2008 will feature a matchup between the New England Patriots football team and the Bush Crime Family.

"The Patriots would defeat any professional football team," said a spokesman, "So now it's time to score some yardage against those who have betrayed our great nation."

The Crime Family has a reputation for a strong defense, but their actual record is just the opposite. Early in the season, the Family ignored scouting reports and was surprised by an Al Qaeda aerial offensive.

It did better against the Taliban, scoring heavily in the first quarter, but blew its lead with the infamous "Tora Bora" play. In position to take bin Ladin out of the game, the Family instead pulled its professional talent and hired local players who, predictably, fumbled. The Family never recovered the offensive since it had set its best players into training for the next game.

The third game started with League officials insisted Iraq wasn't on the football schedule. The Family produced a PowerPoint presentation proving that Iraq had a football team ready to launch at America. No Iraqi football was ever found; Coach Bush later claimed it was a misunderstanding since what most of the world calls "football" the Americans call "soccer".

Throwing away the rule book, the Family tried plays that left fans deserting its side. Without any rules on how to score the plays in Iraq or even to define an ending, the game in Iraqi went into multiple overtime, leading to cancellation of matches against Iran, North Korea, Cuba and Bermuda.

This record does not make Patriots confident of overcoming the Family. "The Bush Crime Family's priority is not victory on the field," said a spokesman, "It's a profit-making organization. And no-one is better at separating fans and taxpayers from their money."