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Hello Dorky, and exploding cakehttp://blogs.thestarphoenix.com/2008/01/20/hello-dorky-and-exploding-cake/
http://blogs.thestarphoenix.com/2008/01/20/hello-dorky-and-exploding-cake/#commentsSun, 20 Jan 2008 07:01:00 +0000/saskatoonstarphoenix/blogs/weddeddiss/archive/2008/01/20/hello-dorky-and-exploding-cake.aspxI like pictures. I’m so camera-challenged I can barely get the people in the frame, but I like looking at pictures.

Imagine my horror when I was flicking through pictures on Flickr and found this scene:

It’s apparently some …

]]>I like pictures. I’m so camera-challenged I can barely get the people in the frame, but I like looking at pictures.

Imagine my horror when I was flicking through pictures on Flickr and found this scene:

The first-ever legally valid MTR Hello Kitty Dream Wedding took place today under the most splendid and joyful atmosphere, at the MTR Hong Kong Station. Witnessed by relatives, friends and MTR passengers, bridegroom Jamie and his bride Horlick with their bridesmaids and groomsmen, boarded the first-ever MTR Hello Kitty Wedding Train and headed towards to MTR Hong Kong Station. The wedding train was specially designed for the occasion with images of Hello Kitty and Dear Daniel dressed as little cupids covering the train body and compartments. The interior was decorated with flowers and ribbons in the grandest and most romantic fashion. The bridegroom Jamie and bride Horlick, dressed in th first-ever Hello Kitty wedding gowns jointly designed by the MTR Corporation, Sanrio and Wonderful Arts, were naturally the focus of attention. The bride, whose wedding gown was filled with Hello Kitty patterns made of Austrian crystals, glittered in sweetness with every step she took. Jamie and Horlick said “We have never imagined our romantic story in the MTR station would make us the chosen couple of such a wonderful event. We would like to thank the MTR Corporation and Sanrio again for this MTR Hello Kitty dream wedding — an experience we shall remember for the rest of our lives.”

Um, Horlick? How is that an Asian chick’s name? And, a subway car dressed in the “grandest and most romantic fashion?” Huh? Finally, they refer to this as the “first” Hello Kitty Dream Wedding. Did they repeat this insanity?

If watching paint dry or grass grow is too fast-paced for you, I suggest you block off a weekend (fine, 10 minutes) to watch the video of the dreadful event.

Wow. Where do I begin with this monstrosity? First, having a corporation use your marriage as a publicity stunt cheapens the event. Second, having a life-sized mascot of a cartoon character with a gargantuan head walk you down the aisle has an air of surreality akin to a Mad Hatter tea party.

I know Asian culture has a soft spot for things that are cutesy. I still don’t get it. Yes, it is a different way to get married. Still, no good can come from a transit company designing your wedding gown.

I’ve always been more of a Miffy person than a Hello Kitty fan, anyway.

Let us travel now from Hong Kong to the American south for a far more humble wedding adventure. This brave bride has come up with a brilliant solution to get her groom interested and involved in the wedding: Let him attempt to blow up the top layer of the cake.

So, here’s a video (it’s a bit of a cheesy epic at first, so hang in there) detailing the groom’s dorky guy friends’ quest for exploding cake.

It appears, despite their boneheaded amusement, these men manage to co-ordinate the explosion safety, which frankly, was a bit of a letdown. I had visions of rednecks fleeing after catching a wedding hall alight, and having to call the fire brigade. But, no, they do it outside in the yard, a safe distance away from tipsy and curious wedding guests and flammable buildings.

As lowbrow as exploding cake may sound, I wouldn’t rule it out from our wedding. I regret to say I mentioned it to James. Stupid Janet — will I ever learn? James is a bit of a tinkerer who likes to build stuff. And destroy it.

His chocolate-coloured eyes got all gleamy and he wore a troubling half-smile as he began to theorize how to blow up our cake in a way that would cover the guests with icing, yet not injure anyone. The words, “I know how I’d do it” were uttered.

Dear Lord, what have I done? Apparently I need to re-emphasize to him how poor we would be if the hall kept our damage deposit.

If this blog is never updated again, James and I have both perished in one of his test runs to detonate our wedding cake. Let’s hope that is not how we spend our final moments together.