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That was one of the first notes in the X5’s logbook, an impression reinforced by entry after entry as the quartet drove on. It was all too easy to tramp on the throttle, get the X5 through a turn, then check the speedo to find oneself rocketing along at triple-digit speed and accelerating. But, officer . . .

This didn’t come as a total surprise. Total surprise occurred four months earlier when we put an X6 M through its paces [“Ironmein,” October 2009]. Although its contours are, uh, unique, the X6 M is basically an X5 M dressed up for the burbs—similar mass, same suspension (multilink with stout coil springs at the front, multilink rear with air springs, bridge-girder anti-roll bars fore and aft), same aluminum 4.4-liter V-8 force-fed by a pair of twin-scroll turbos with huge intercoolers.And the same six-speed manumatic transmission feeds the same 555 horsepower and 500 pound-feet of torque (from 1500 rpm) to the same full-time all-wheel-drive system and limited-slip and torque-vectoring rear diff.

So, no surprise, but eye widening—or is it eyeball flattening?—nonetheless. Though the X6 is no wraith at 5254 pounds, the X5 is 75 pounds heavier, at 5329 pounds, and stands 3.1 inches taller. Yet it is even quicker, thanks to launch control that our preproduction X6 lacked: four seconds flat to 60 mph, 100 mph in 10 seconds, and the quarter-mile in 12.5 seconds at 112 mph. Smokin’!

Braking performance—162 feet from 70 mph—also edged the X6 M’s, though by just one foot, and the Porsche stopped four feet better. But brake feel and stopping power remained consistent, regardless of abuse, and wouldn’t it be swell if all mainstream family sedans were capable of matching this aspect of performance?

For a vehicle in this weight class, the test-track numbers are simply incredible. But the X5’s responses in the world of fast curves, decreasing radii, and quick transitions are even more so. Despite its mass and high center of gravity, the big-bopper Bimmer maintains level cornering attitudes, and its eager responses to steering inputs is more reminiscent of an M3 than something weighing some 1700 pounds more.

The manumatic shifting of the six-speed transmission makes the Porsche’s Tiptronic seem flabby, enhancing the improbable sports-car sense of response. Though the X5’s stability-control system inhibits its performance in the lane-change test—it can’t be switched off fully, and it’s hard to see why you’d want to—in the real world, it attacks twists and turns like a cheetah sorting an antelope herd. Make that a really big cheetah.

A few dissatisfactions cropped up in the logbook. Though the X5 inspires more high-speed-handling confidence than its opponents, it ran out of suspension travel more than once on rough stretches, an unsettling phenomenon. The steering, though quick and unerringly precise, is a little heavy for some tastes. And the seats, as noted earlier, are a pretty relaxed fit compared with those of other BMW M vehicles.

There were also comments about the basic vehicle concept, along the lines of, “What was the point again?” But that applies to all four super-utes. And within the context of these four hairy mammoths, the X5 was, again, the Ultimate Driving Machine.

“Simply a joy to drive,” wrote one tester. Amen.

Epilogue

If Samuel Morse had been on hand to see these four in action, his famous telegraphic query might have been a two-parter, to wit: “What hath God wrought? And why?”