“My Son Thinks He’s Gay”

I heard this week on WMBI radio something from your group about gay issues… I have a teenage son who thinks he’s gay…a high-schooler. I don’t believe he is yet entrenched in any sort of gay lifestyle. . . What’s a mom to do with a loved one who is beginning to believe he’s gay?!

My heart goes out to you in dealing with your precious son who has been lied to about being gay. It’s one thing to have same-gender feelings, but quite another to put the “gay” label on oneself when it doesn’t have to be that way.

I have two suggestions for you. First, a book was written for EXACTLY young men like him, which I strongly suggest you get, read, and give to him. It’s called You Don’t Have to Be Gay by Jeff Konrad. Amazon.com carries it. This book is a series of letters written by a man who discovered that through the power of Christ he could leave his homosexual identity behind, to a young man just beginning to consider that option. The wonderful thing is, the young man who received the letters is Mike Haley, who WAS healed of homosexuality and worked for a time at Focus on the Family as a youth and gender specialist. Mike has put together some awesome materials for kids in exactly your son’s position, and I suggest you contact Focus (1-800-A-FAMILY) and ask for the literature on youth and homosexuality. (That’s my second suggestion.)

In the meantime, we have several articles on homosexuality on the Probe Ministries website that may be of help to you:

I also point you to the excellent resources at Living Hope Ministries, which has support and information for parents as well as strugglers. The Executive Director, Ricky Chelette, wrote this article called Help! My Son is Gay. You may also be interested in Living Hope’s video and audio resources: livehope.org/rescource-type/products/

I hope this helps. The Lord bless you and keep you in these difficult days.

Sue Bohlin is an associate speaker/writer and webmistress for Probe Ministries. She attended the University of Illinois, and has been a Bible teacher and conference speaker for over 40 years. She is a frequent speaker for MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers) and Stonecroft Ministries (Christian Women's Connections), and serves on the board of Living Hope Ministries, a Christ-centered outreach to those dealing with unwanted homosexuality. Sue is on the Bible.org Women's Leadership Team and is a regular contributor to Bible.org's Engage Blog. In addition to being a professional calligrapher, she is the wife of Probe's Dr. Ray Bohlin and the mother of their two grown sons. Her personal website is suebohlin.com.

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2 Comments

Advocate3 years ago

This is the reason so many young men and women kill themselves. Just accept your children as God made them. From experience I know, they can not change, they will not change, there is nothing you can do but either choose to accept or hurt them. I warn you of the severe mistake you can make. May God have mercy if you make it. You would be amazed at how much pain could be wiped away by a simple “I love and accept you.” It is proven science that homosexuality is a natural biological phenomena (search the literature on epigenetics if you’re interested). Quote Jesus’s love not Leviticus. There’s too much pain, too many deaths, and not enough love in this world. I implore you to human, to be moral, to be Christian and stop trying to get people to change. Someone born gay cannot become straight any more than someone born Irish can become Chinese. Good luck, God bless, and please please head my warning. You have been warned, don’t meet God with blood on your hands.

I could not agree more with the need to accept our children as they are. But there is a big difference between acceptance and approval of all behavior. God accepts us as we are, but He loves us too much to leave us there. But He has the ability to change us where we cannot change anyone other than ourselves.

The immutability of sexual orientation, the belief that people cannot change their attractions, is a wrong belief. I have witnessed and walked with people through that very change that the world says is impossible. It’s unfortunate that so few of them speak out to tell their story of how God changed their hearts. At this very moment I am thinking about the children I have seen this week that the world says cannot exist because it’s impossible for their parents to embrace an attraction to the opposite sex. But they did, and the children exist.

What is also a wrong belief is that people are born gay. That is like saying that people are born angry. Just because something is repeated over and over doesn’t make it true. I’m wondering if you are aware of the identical twin studies? When one twin identifies as gay, the other only identifies as gay about 11% of the time. Since they have the same DNA, if homosexuality were genetic this disparity would be impossible.

I think you misunderstand my position. I don’t try to get anyone to change their sexual orientation. I merely point to what the Bible says about God’s intention for sexuality and gender, and I report on those who have experienced change in their attractions and even, if not in their attractions, in their behavior as they seek to glorify God in every aspect of their lives, including their sexuality, by stewarding it in holiness and self-control. Which is the same standard to which God calls us all.

I also do not urge anyone to change their personality, or their temperament, or even their expression of masculinity or femininity. In fact, my passion is to urge for a broader acceptance of the wide spectrum of masculinity and femininity. Please see my blog post “The Gender Spectrum.” What I would LOVE is for people to embrace the idea that a boy can be emotionally sensitive, artistic and creative, without being gay. I would love for people to accept athletic, tomboy girls without labeling them as lesbian. Let’s celebrate God’s creativity in making kids with a wide range of gifts, personalities and temperaments, without throwing sexuality into the mix.