Relationships through the eyes of an autistic

Disclaimer: This is my opinion and based on my experience after 12 years of researching about autism and being officially diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. It is not meant to replace the DSM-V Autism Spectrum Disorder definition nor is this list meant to serve as an official diagnostic tool. Hundreds of women have used this list in conjunction with the DSM-IV or DSM-V and a professional mental health professional’s guidance. It is also based on 4.5 years of communicating almost daily with those that are diagnosed with autism and some that believe themselves to be on the spectrum. It is not all inclusive. Some will fit into categories and not be autistic/Asperian. This is meant as a springboard for discussion and more awareness into the female experience with autism.

* Highly intelligent does not relate to IQ levels. Often Aspies are dyslexic and have dysgraphia and other learning disabilities but can be highly intelligent about particular subject matters, out-of-the-box thinking, and verbal fluency capacities.

This is an unofficial checklist created by an adult female with Asperger’s Syndrome (AS) who has a son with Asperger’s Syndrome. Samantha Craft has a Masters Degree in Education. Samantha Craft does not hold a doctorate in Psychiatry or Psychology. She has a life-credential as a result of being a female with Asperger’s Syndrome and being a parent of a child with Asperger’s Syndrome. She has created this list in an effort to assist health professionals in recognizing Asperger’s Syndrome in females—for in-depth information regarding females with AS refer to Craft’s upcoming book Everyday Aspergers. Ten Traits of Aspergers can be found here.

Suggested Use: Check off all areas that strongly apply to the person. If each area has 75%-80% of the statements checked, or more, then you may want to consider that the female may have Asperger’s Syndrome.

When determining an AS diagnosis (or Autism Spectrum diagnosis) reviewing an individual’s childhood, adolescence, young adulthood, and present day is advisable. This particularly applies to communication challenges; many females with AS teach themselves the communication rules to the point of extreme. A primary identifier might be they are still teaching themselves social and communication rules; in other words they are still rehearsing. (Section A consideration/prolific artist in place of writer and/or both.)

Section A: Deep Thinkers

A deep thinker

A prolific writer drawn to poetry

*Highly intelligent

Sees things at multiple levels, including her own thinking processes

Analyzes existence, the meaning of life, and everything, continually

Serious and matter-of-fact in nature

Doesn’t take things for granted

Doesn’t simplify

Everything is complex

Often gets lost in own thoughts and “checks out” (blank stare)

Section B: Innocent

Naïve

Honest

Experiences trouble with lying

Finds it difficult to understand manipulation and disloyalty

Finds it difficult to understand vindictive behavior and retaliation

Easily fooled and conned

Feelings of confusion and being overwhelmed

Feelings of being misplaced and/or from another planet

Feelings of isolation

Abused or taken advantage of as a child but didn’t think to tell anyone

Section C: Escape and Friendship

Survives overwhelming emotions and senses by escaping in thought or action

Escapes regularly through fixations, obsessions, and over-interest in subjects

Feels extreme relief when she doesn’t have to go anywhere, talk to anyone, answer calls, or leave the house but at the same time will often harbor guilt for “hibernating” and not doing “what everyone else is doing”

One visitor at the home may be perceived as a threat (this can even be a familiar family member)

Knowing logically a house visitor is not a threat, doesn’t relieve the anxiety

Feelings of dread about upcoming events and appointments on the calendar

Knowing she has to leave the house causes anxiety from the moment she wakes up

All the steps involved in leaving the house are overwhelming and exhausting to think about

She prepares herself mentally for outings, excursions, meetings, and appointments, often days before a scheduled event

OCD tendencies when it comes to concepts of time, being on time, tracking time, recording time, and managing time (could be carried over to money, as well)

Questions next steps and movements, continually

Sometimes feels as if she is on stage being watched and/or a sense of always having to act out the “right” steps, even when she is home alone

Has a hard time finding certain objects in the house but remembers with exact clarity where other objects are; not being able to locate something or thinking about locating something can cause feelings of intense anxiety (object permanence challenges) (even with something as simple as opening an envelope)

This unofficial checklist can be copied for therapists, counselors, psychiatrists, psychologists, professors, teachers, and relatives, if Samantha Craft’s name and contact information remain on the print out. This list was created in 2012 and updated in May 2016.

Author’s Note: This post was originally composed when Asperger’s Syndrome was a stand-alone diagnosis. At that time, not much was written or discussed about females on the autism spectrum, particularly not the rules of semantics to utilize when referring to other autistic women. In the four years since my online writings began, much to do about semantics in relationship to Autism Spectrum Disorders has emerged. Even the word “disorder” is a trigger word for some, myself included. Today, I prefer to write “I am autistic” or “I am Aspie,” when referring to myself, instead of “a person with autism/Aspergers.” (People-first versus condition/diagnosis-first) Primarily, because I don’t have Aspergers—rather I am Aspie. Aspergers is innately who I am as an individual and not some tagline—like a disease.With that said, while I am sensitive to the ongoing terminology debate and the growing trend (and need) to move beyond identifying one’s self with a “disorder,” in order to keep the authenticity and voice of the original works, including accurately reflecting how I experienced life and trends in the societal and psychological fields at the time, I chose to not make any specific broad-based terminology alterations in this post.

Samantha Craft (@aspergersgirls) compiled this page. She has corresponded with thousands of individuals touched by autism in their lives. Sam is the author of Everyday Aspergers, a revealing memoir, ten years in the making, about the everyday life of an autistic woman. More information can be found atSpectrum Suite LLC, myspectrumsuite.com

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Read your checklist with an open mouth: a mix of shock and huge relief. How could anyone know me so well? It felt like coming home. Okay, now to herd all these thoughts into some sort of order and make a plan. Thank you so much *still shaking head in disbelief*

feeling similar here. cannot believe how many items on these lists are spot on descriptions of the mindstate and behavorial phenomena I’ve experienced my whole life (to varying degrees depending on what coping mechanisms I was or was not using at a given time). it is SO encouraging to find that there are others who identify with these dynamics in this way. I agree, it feels like coming home. hi sisters 🙂

I’m currently navigating through a potential diagnosis after doing research for a an autistic character I planned to write, but all the info I kept finding were on boys, kids and more extreme autism. This was frustrating, as I had met people here and there with autism that didn’t show these signs and I couldn’t figure out where the “lines” were (and eventually came to learn it was a spectrum, so such lines weren’t necessarily there to begin with).

But then I started to find articles like this and others that focused not only on females but on adults as well, and it hit me really hard. Suddenly I was finding long lists and descriptions that I didn’t know were associated with autism…because I exhibited every habit (including in this list, more or less) and the possibility I could be autistic flat out never crossed my mind due to misinformation/lack of information (I have been diagnosed with anxiety and bipolar, but something more always felt “different” and I couldn’t quite explain why, because I didn’t see how things were connected).

But I digress–I mentioned all this because, whether or not I’m able to go through with a professional diagnosis yet, lists like these have cleared up a lot that I was so very insecure and self-loathing about. Things that, to me, were “normal”, seemed to not be the case for everyone around me–and so everyone became a threat, because my behaviors lead to misunderstandings and my inability to recognize social cues or norms added to the problem (and I’m not sure I’ll ever learn all those cues–it takes me a while, and even then I can only keep them up for so long before I get excitable about a special interest and end up forgetting how I’m “supposed” to act).

So thank you for the list. Thank you for updating it pretty recently. I’ve already printed out a copy of it to show to my therapist tomorrow, because you clarified more than I ever could in a coherent way.

Woah. Your story actually matches mine somewhat, except that I had been recently diagnosed with ADD (inattentive type) and I had mysterious pedi-mal seizures when I was younger (they’re gone now), as well as language developmental issues. Because I didn’t talk, Mom said that people thought I was autistic, but I wasn’t expressing any of the male symptoms, so I didn’t have it, apparently. Anyways, I’m trying to write a character for a comic book who is Aspie, and since they’re a girl, I had to search my butt off trying to find some information that wasn’t about young males. I found this page, and as I read it, I started realizing that I probably had both ADHD and Asperger’s- I started crying in the Friendship area because what few memories I have of when I was younger matched exactly what had happened to me when I tried making friends. It also explains why, despite taking medication, why I’m not completely ‘normal’. I’ve realized only recently that other people don’t question what happens around them, the entire structure of society, nor the effect it has on us as people interacting with each other. I’m 16- I’m not ‘supposed’ to think about this, and yet I can’t stop. The list of similarities goes on and on, but the thing I’m most worried about right now is: Is she going to believe me? She gets really attached to her theories about me and my other siblings, and if I disrupt that, she’s going to disbelieve me and I have no idea what I’m going to do.

I know I am an aspie, but undiagnosed as I do not need to be told, I know from my self checking constantly when I am with others , that I do not start to get too comfortable around them, as I may say something that I find really amusing but it would be childish. I end up minding or being around children as they do not judge. I am in my late 60’s now

It’s funny, I made my own list with things very similar to a lot of these points to describe Dyspraxia in depth. The two overlap so much, I’m not sure where one ends and one begins. Maybe I’m not the best person to figure it out seeing as I seem to have both, ha!

HOLY WOW… I ticked pretty much 100% of all those points… I have always known I was wired differently and have often described myself as “Schizophrenic” as i have always been different people in different situations… so interesting…

Thank you. Half a year ago I came across this list, read through it and recognized myself to an eerie degree.

I received my official diagnosis yesterday and while I’m still struggling to come fully in terms with it, it helps a lot to finally understand why I’ve always felt so different and incapable of living like “normal” people.

I read this whilst trying to work out whether a girl in my class (I’m a Teaching Assistant) may be on the spectrum. My son is 11 and awaiting assessment for ASD and is diagnosed with dyspraxia – the initial noises I’m hearing from the ASD team are that he may not get a diagnosis because there is a significant crossover between the two and he may not ‘need’ the ASD diagnosis to get support in school/life. I have identified with many of his dyspraxic traits and have considered going to the GP for a referral for a dyspraxia assessment… but whilst reading about dyspraxia has ticked a lot of boxes for me in thinking about how I am and how I was as a child, nothing made me go “YES!! THIS!!” anywhere near as much as your checklist just did. I’m currently lying in bed, freaked out a bit because I hadn’t ever entertained the idea that I may be on the spectrum. It’s made me cry, because it’s the first time I’ve ever read so much that reflected my world. When I was little there was a poster on my dentist’s wall of a group of children, all identical silhouettes except one, whose head was bowed a little and she looked different. No idea what the poster was for, but every time we went in I’d say to my mum “Is that one me?” I’ve long thought my son is on the spectrum but my reason for getting an actual assessment for my son was because he said, “Mum, I think I’m different to everyone else. I don’t mean, I have blond hair and they have brown hair, I mean like inside me. I don’t understand them and they don’t understand me, I think I might be an alien.” It’s only now, reading your article and checklist that I’m putting these things together. You know what, though? I’m also thinking, ‘Maybe I’m just over-identifying with my son. Or maybe I have Munchausen’s or hyperchondria or something.’ Overthinking much, me? Nah…! Thank you for your checklist, it’s given me a lot to think about… xx

You aren’t alone. Many, many parents feel this same aha! moment. Please see myspectrumsuite.com for more information. I wish you the very best. Also, schools and psychologists sometimes downplay to save $. I was a teacher, know this first hand. You may need to insist and seek out an official diagnosis, if that’s what your gut says.

You describe a true match for unsuspecting me, and a true shock. You have answered so many questions, or should I say puzzles in my personality. But one question remains, and that is Now What??? Thank you .

I must have missed something somewhere. How does one print out your “unofficial” list?

And thank you for all you do to share info here. I learned in recent months I’ve Aspergers, quite by accident, or maybe God planned it, but it’s shocked & relieved me in equal measure. I’m 55 and just now learned why I’ve always felt “odd” & can only get along consistently w/animals, folks much older than me or children, why I only have precious few friends & must limit my contact w/them, why I couldn’t attract a decent man, why my children won’t spend much time with me, need lots of “down” time, been misdiagnosed, etc., etc. I find this new understanding relieving yet a cruel allowance of God. I’ve kept my faith through childhood abuse, devastating illnesses, my oldest son’s death and other losses. But this takes the cake. My faith is being tested now. How do any of you carry on with a smile or confidence you can know who you really are & not feel you’re just a sum total of behaviors driven by a brain disorder?

Deeply sorry for the loss of your son, and what sounds like a very difficult life.
(disclaimer: I have no religious faith, I’m too queer.)
I meet challenges by accepting a chaotic and unfair universe that is still full of good and kind people who go out of their way to help one another. We make our own meaning in the cosmos.
A lot of things in human society are either complete fiction (gender) or attempts to define things outside of our control or understanding via a checklist of semi-reoccurring behaviors or beliefs (mental disorders).
Everyone’s brain chemistry is affected by everything we do, what we eat and drink, how much sleep we get, whether or not we are physically injured, etc. Also our societies have a large impact on what we think is acceptable to think and say, and we must actively retrain ourselves to be in accordance with ourselves as individuals.
Something to think about: some people who are abused make the decision to go on to become abusers and abuse apologists. Others become spokespeople for the dangers of abuse and champions of the abused. Whether you chalk that up to brain disorder, or to conscious decisionmaking, the same situations don’t always result in the same outcomes. So there must be something about each of us as individuals that interacts with our environments in a unique way.

This list is awesome – and caused me to buy your book. I’m in my forties and so relieved there is more and more info out there about aspergers in females to help explain why my life has been what it is (so far). I only started looking into it because I think my daughter has it. Then I realised I’d had a mid life aspie burnout. It all makes sense reading stuff like this. Thank you for producing and updating such a comprehensive list

Hello! Well I binge read your book *gah! It felt like a homecoming. Loved the poetry, the rhythm of your worlds poured into my head, so perfect. So, a question that’s been niggling me: why Mr Brain? I ask because I have gender issues and GID and ASD are two many plates to juggle at once. I think you touched on it once but didn’t expand so I wondered about that. One last thing – you used the expression ‘speaking aloud’ and I’ve been correcting myself on that for ever, but how can one think aloud? It’s not possible so I am going to speak aloud from now on!

I like to think it’s society that has gender issues, not those of us who are trans and queer. 😉 I’d be my normal self with or without their expectations, doing no harm to anyone and presenting how I like.

Wow – This totally nailed it! As a 55-year-old adult I’ve gone from being a “shy” or “quiet” kid to being an adult that “gets really quiet sometimes.” I’ve heard many adults say there’s no such thing as being shy – surely you can think of SOMETHING to say – you just aren’t even trying! They have no idea how HARD I’m trying, how exhausting it is, and how I just want to be alone or with my dog or with someone I don’t have to compare myself with. They’re lucky they’ve never had to spend a day in my head. I’d love to see things their way, really! Yeah, we’re all different and I should get over it. But I’m really not looking for a label or attention. I just want to understand why interacting is so blasted hard for me and figure out how to retrain my brain to function instead of just plug up!

I also have epilepsy. I was diagnosed as an adult 9 years ago after having a complex partial seizure and a grand mal, but I remember having the same “aura” (pre-seizure sensation) several times as a kid. I’ve sometimes wondered if this has affected my brain development. Maybe it did? At this point I’m not expecting miracles and I know my doctor won’t help. Several years ago I talked to him about social anxiety and he was very quick to prescribe Zoloft, which made me jittery and otherwise helped nothing. But I’m glad I found this site and am looking forward to reading more about this and hopefully being able to find a peace that I can settle down with.

I am 27 and waiting for an assessment, but am very confused and anxious because it was only 6 months ago that I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, and that kind of fits me too.

It was the same doctor that wanted me to be assessed and Im struggling a lot with it because i know these days borderline isn’t the “this girl is going to end it anyway just write borderline and people will know not to bother” diagnosis that it used to be, but it’s still a disorder that I was called by a lot of people that were violent towards me, and if it wasn’t borderline they said then it was aspie. Every day those words come in to my head every time I fail at something whether it’s not knowing something a friend expects me to, or sobbing in the toilet because I misunderstood something my mum did.

I feel lost, and I’m terrified learning that the way that my abusers used to shut me up was also probably accurate. I feel confused and I don’t know how to act.

“Borderline disorder” is literally a socially institutionalized term for abuse survivor. Every single person I have ever known with a history of abuse and a diagnosis was at one point diagnosed with this, and I firmly believe in 50 years they will have to recant the diagnosis as being every bit as exploitative and socially convenient as “homosexual disorder”.

I know how it feels to have super low self esteem from being abused and beat yourself up over minor mistakes. It’s hard to know who to trust and even harder to suspect you can’t trust institutions to have your best interests at heart.

It’s probably too late to get in touch with you, but I wish you well and I hope your situation improves. If you’re young, hang in there, your brain chemistry will settle down and become easier to manage in your early 20s. If you have a womb, explore the symptoms of PMDD and track your menstrual cycle to see if suicidal desires spike in the week prior to your period. If you’re self harming, know that it is a physiological addiction (your brain likes the chemicals that come from injury, they feel good, especially if you feel distant from the world or that you “deserve punishment”) but know also that you can quit, it takes time and energy, but it is doable.

Explore yourself and practice looking at yourself as if you were someone else – you are probably a compassionate person who would treat that someone else very kindly, so you should treat yourself kinder, too. See if you’re gay or transgender, be open with yourself and find a friend who is open to listening to you, the more you understand yourself the more you can care about yourself.

You’re doing your best and you don’t deserve to feel guilty about that.

This is all stuff I wanted someone to tell me when I was a teenager. I hope even a little bit of it helps you.

I am in a period of questioning whether I may have Asperger’s after recieving my genetic profile and reflecting on my childhood, where at least my social life would seem to indicate that something was wrong. I didn’t “like kids” when I was in daycare (my words). I was held back in preschool for being “antisocial” – their words. Not that I bit or bullied, I just did not play with other children. I only had one friend at a time throughout my school years, with the exception of age 13-16 when I had no friends. I suffered extreme loneliness and recurrent depression. I was really anticonformist and dorky until about age 15 or so, when I consciously remade my image (clothes, language, body language, etc.) I learned how to make friends in my early 20s from women who were a decade of so older than me.

I deeply related to many items on your list. However, I did not meet the threshold in all areas. Here is the breakdown. A:90%, B:70%, C:72%; D:88%, E:80%, F:50%, G:90%, H:53%, I:33%, J:70%. Do my low-scoring areas make it impossible that I should be on the spectrum? I am considering seeing a professional but will not if it’s not indicated.

I just read this page and the tears just came from nowhere. A lifetime of feeling ‘different’ now possibly makes sense. A very high percentage of what is listed here I totally identify with, everything from the PMDD to a fascination with song lyrics. I was also very recently diagnosed with both dyslexia and dyscalculia despite a very successful career and Masters degree – the first baby steps in this process of trying to understand why I have just never felt normal or good enough and why I do/ think/ feel some of the things I do . Most of my life I have felt overwhelmed by ‘life’. Thank you. This article has given me the courage to ask for a formal assessment to put my mind at rest over the issue one way or the other.

I’ve been diagnosed with BPD, bipolar type 2, PTSD and an anxiety disorder but i still feel like there is something “off” about me, after searching and researching, I found this checklist and hit over 2/3 of the checks in each category! I’m not sure if some of my answers are caused by my other diagnosis’ but I know I identify heavily with each of these listed. Is there any way for me to figure out if my answers are from a possible Asperger’s diagnosis or if it’s from my other disorders?

I have BPD, scizhophrenia and ptsd but I don’t believe I have schizophrenia and I don’t know about bpd either. They both are diagnoses that are usually given to aspergers.. I mean that the symptoms of bpd and schizophrenia resemble asperger. It’s easier for a psychiatrist to give a whole list of mental illnesses than to examine the possibility of asperger.

I don’t know how applicable this is and hope I’m not offending. I fit almost every single item on your list – but attributed my feelings of isolation and social awkwardness to growing up in a military family (and thus moving every few years to wildly different parts of the country) and then getting involved in a fundamentalist apocalyptic cult. Looking back on things, it felt to me like most of my late 20s and early 30s were spent getting my head out of my nether regions and learning how to speak People after escaping the cult. I’ve never been put on the spectrum anywhere, and tests have turned me up as neurotypical as far as I know – unless diagnostics have changed since the late 1990s anyway, which they probably have. But dang, this is food for thought. I laughed out loud at one point, which reminded me that I really thought I was a space alien for most of my childhood. I ended up as a religion blogger. Go figure 😉

I actually started crying while reading the checklist, it was disturbingly accurate. The thing is, I’ve always thought that everybody acts and thinks like that, and it seems completely bizarre to me that people can just exist and function without those things.

While it clearly shows a lot of work and thought, I don’t think this list is actually indicative of anything other than being a normal human female, and possibly just a normal human being, period. Most of these items apply to just about everyone! It’s like astrology – they’re so generalized (and so numerous!) that EVERYONE can see themselves in this list! For example, you’ll see headache and nausea on the list of side effects for pretty much every single medication, even those that purport to relieve symptoms of headache and nausea, because they’re just SUCH COMMON FEELINGS that EVERYONE GETS! On this list there are many diametrically opposed characteristics: for example, being obsessive about punctuality vs. getting confused about time and missing appointments…well, you’re one or the other but they can’t BOTH be symptoms of Aspergers, unless everyone in the world is “on the spectrum”. That was only one of MANY…another example was: trying desperately to fit in vs. refusing to conform to social standards. You’re either a conformist or a non-conformist, and either way, you have Aspergers? I think not. I have a great deal of sympathy for people seeking to explain (to themselves or others) their own behavior/world view/personality quirks, but encourage everyone to resist the urge to LABEL themselves in hopes that it will cause others to understand you better or “make allowances” for your need to be alone, or your desire to connect and organise vintage Fisher Price toys, or your love affair with a fictional character. Just be yourself, y’all. It doesn’t have to be a SYNDROME.

Panther, of course it’s within the range of human emotions/feelings. We’re human. What DOES count is the intensity and the combination of all those factors. You might have felt, for instance, overwhelmed during a rock concert or a party where everyone was talking; but unless you were already bothered by other factors you probably never felt like that in a park in the morning. And this applies to every item of the list. It’s easy to say “just be yourself” when you are coming from a neurotypical point of view. Problem is, most of us do, but we’re not; so we grow up feeling like we’re lacking, or not fitting, or desperately trying to understand how on Earth people can “people”.

If you don’t understand it, it’s okay. But don’t tell me it’s not a thing, because I do. It’s like someone freed me from a chain, having my diagnosys. I realized that I was seeing the world from a POV that I don’t belong to. Try to at least sympathize with that.

Something causes the fundamental alienation feeling in certain people that inspires them to seek out a diagnosis. That “something” is what people are attempting to define when they use labels.
If you have never felt comfortable upon discovering a label fits you, or having a label that applies to you pointed out to you, chances are it is a label that caused you zero friction in your environment.
Not to be rude, maybe in a week you’ll wake up and realize you’re queer, and then labels will be more important to communicate your intent to others. And hope they will “make allowances” for you, or kindly get the fuck out of your life.

Oh my gosh, I cannot tell you how happy you have made me. I have always known I was different and I can tick off everything on that list. I just assumed that because my mother was bi-polar and I had a terrible childhood, that was the reason I was different.
My beautiful daughter is showing the same signs and I have seen them since she was a child, but thought she would grow out of it, but it is only since she went to see a therapist that I have started doing some research and cam across this site.
Thank you!

Dear mrs Samantha,
I went through the checklist which described me the best. I knew there was something wrong with me since late teens, say 18. I am a science graduate who is about to complete masters degree also and i am a 32 yrs old single. I work as a researcher in a government body but i find it hard to work anymore due to certain fears of failure.Since mid 2017, I suspect i have an ASD but my parents laughed at the idea. I have talents in music, sports, languages but not science. I did science coz my parents wanted.true my memory is good and thats why i graduated. But now i am confused as i fail often.im not creative. Please help me. I am from Sri lanka.Regards.

Could someone please clarify number 13 under section G and number 9 under section J? I’m a very concrete person, and having trouble understanding what they mean, or how they would manifest. Thanks in advance.

I have been researching online because I have these traits and habits I feel are not normal, and I came across this article. I have never related to anything more in my life and I checked off almost everything on the list. But it makes me wonder if its even possible I do have Asperger’s. My parents took me to multiple doctors as a young child and I was diagnosed with Auditory Processing Disorder, but they told me later they wondered if I did have aspergers/autism before I was diagnosed with APD. I’m having a much more difficult time as a teenager than as a child with this and its causing me great trouble and stress in my day-to-day life. Is it possible I could have it, and just not have been diagnosed? Is this worth looking into?

Everything on this list seems to apply perfectly to me and everything I have experienced i.e emotions, thought processes, physical symptoms, certain situations. One thing that I didn’t see reflected in myself was the social section, so I don’t know if that makes me completely diagnosable for aspergers? Or whether its worth seeing a docter.

The list matches me to the tee – barring 2-3 points, more or less everything is spot on. I have always felt lost and confused and felt nobody understood me. This helps me understand myself better. I think I must have an official diagnosis done but then I am also nervous. Thank you for this list. I do realise that male Aspies are very different as compared to female Aspies and I would like to think it is because of our hormones which make us more emotional and empathetic.

Hormones actually have very little to do with it. Socialization is key. Study transgender children, who know from an early age something is “wrong” and who adopt the traits of other gender roles, or none at all. Trans guys act like cis guys, trans gals act like cis gals, and trans queer folk often display a mix of socialized traits. I still have a weird aversion to pink, a totally innocent and awesome color, because of socialization issues.
We have a lot more power over our brains and bodies, as a society, than we are ever comfortable admitting. Next time you’re around kids, mind how often gender roles are re-enforced on them, and how often the generality “girls don’t/do” or “boys don’t/do” in correcting their behavior.

Being a Black/Hispanic woman with children one them Asperger (sons) and a history of savant women in my family make question society;’s take on Autism and women. it was clear the racial barrier at one point now the sex barrier. Once I get more courage I will start coming out to reach more women because in the black and Hispanic community mental health is still ignored and Autism is just the silent kids that flaps… Thanks for sharing this. we do exist and we have children that end up being HF ASD.

It probably also manifests differently across racial divides given the power of socialization, and what is “acceptable” for minority groups to behave like.
Best wishes for you to find truth for your son and for yourself.

I’m…. dumbfolded. This defines me almost perfectly. The mimicking, the obsession with lyrics, the constant questioning of my sanity and how to be a “good” person, co-dependent behaviour (in my case, I became emotionally abusive towards my friend because I often felt desperate when they didn’t display their feelings towards me clearly), being so overwhelmed and confused and so much more… Thank you. This’ll help me dela with my identity a lot better.

Wow, I feel like you looked directly into my mind and said all the things I don’t know how to. I have never felt “older than 15” and I am 34. I am very productive but I have noticed the older I get, the fewer friendships I have- especially close friends, the more I like to be by myself but also I recognize that there is a huge fissure between how I relate mentally vs how I express myself. In the past 10+ years my depression has been on and off but worse every relapse. I haven’t been on so much medication for depression since ever. I have also not ever felt so isolated and misunderstood. I’ll be bringing this copy to my next counseling appointment and also to my next psychiatrists appointment. This questionnaire really opened my eyes to not being the only person who feels like this, for finding comfort in routine. I’m not crazy!

I too have constant depression periods. I have very few friends. I need a lot of time on my own. Social communications exhaust me. I feel like an odd person. I’m childish and so on.. I have so many symptoms but still I don’t have diagnosis even though I’ve been on mental health care for over ten years. I think it’s very hard for women to get this diagnosis. They will give you many psych. diagnosis but not the one you really need to get the help to get on with your life…

I was watching a movie several years ago and a character in the movie had aspergers and the person I was watching it with laughed ad said ‘that’s you’. The person was not a nice person and they said it mockingly. However, I saw the correlation and I have since done a lot of research on Aspergers, and in particular, Aspergers in females. Reading the list above is like reading my life in text. I have completed the 150 question Aspergers test multiple times and it always comes back with a result that shows I am highly likely to be on the spectrum and my sister does too. i think that the symptoms are more overt in her.
I realized that if I was diagnosed with Aspergers I would feel so much better about the way my brain works. I have always felt kind of broken. Like my brain didn’t work properly and everything (to do with people) was incredibly difficult.
I have always understood people and their feelings better than they did. Sometimes when I see someone sad or hear a story I feel like the whole world is crushing down on me and the worlds pain is flooding into my consciousness. I can see if there is something wrong with someone without even hearing htem speak but I often cry long before I realize I am sad.
I feel like I am still in my teens a lot and worry that other people think that I act like I am. I find myself unintentionally mimicking people and have done since I was a child. I find someone I like or think is interesting and then I feel like I start to talk and dress like them. I don’t even realise I’m doing it at first and then i find it hard to stop.
My husband laughs and calls me ‘Bones’ from the TV show, because I can be so matter of fact and I have what he calls an overdeveloped sense of justice, which causes me so much anxiety and at times makes me depressed because i can’t understand why people deviate from what is so obviously right.
I have been diagnosed with both depression and anxiety. I rock my legs all the time and ‘flick my nails’ (I didn’t even realise that was a thing) anyway I could write all the things in the list that I do or feel or express or struggle with.
I have never has a formal diagnosis because, well, firstly, I cannot afford it and I am so afraid that I won’t have Aspergers and then I will go back to feeling like I am just ‘not working properly again’.
I don’t know. It’s silly but that’s my dilemma.

Kerry – I have two Aspie adult children one diagnosed and one not but has more traits than my daughter who is diagnosed. i was married to a man for 12-and a half years who was diagnosed later in lif at 51 15 years after our marriage ended when he met some one at work,but that never worked out . We still have remained friends and diagnoses has improved our friendship and helped us understand our children and our now two autistic grand children and aspie grand daughter . Your list is one of the best first hand information I have come across and it has helped my daughter who is 29 and has two children on the spectrum one autistic verbal boy with echonalia and an aspie girl. This list is going to help us all understand each other . Thank you so very much SAMANTHA CRAFT you have helped me so so much.