In the words of the great John Cleese, “And now for something completely different.” Instead of presenting you with food I am presenting you with a versatile and magical aromatherapeutic elixer: Frankincense infused oil. This is something you can make at home really cheaply and you will find a million uses for it. It does, however, taste terrible. This stuff is for topical use only.

Like many neo-hippy types I like my food and beauty products to be as natural, non-toxic, and economical as possible while preserving quality and efficacy. Additionally, I pride myself on my bargain-hunting and creative macgyvering abilities. When you live in a city like San Francisco, those are crucial life skills. All these predilections have come together in my experiments with aromatherapy.

One drawback to home aromatherapy is that certain essential oils are often very pricey. Frankincense essential oil, for example, can easily cost $30 an ounce. I have found my way around this issue by putting some of the pricier ones on my X-mas wish list, and purchasing others from places like www.sfherb.com. There are also some substitutions that can be made, such and ylang ylang for jasmine, or one can buy diluted oils that are 1/5 the strength of pure essential oils. This can sometimes be a good option since essential oils are used in tiny quantities measured by the drop and this is especially true for bottom notes.

However, one of my personal mantras is: “If it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing.” I habitually make my oils blends as strong as possible and this requires a lot of ingredients. A 20% solution just won't cut it sometimes especially for an ingredient as versatile as frankincense. In aromatherapy it is used to alleviate anxiety, treat acne, fade scars and stretch marks, moisturize skin, and slow aging. It has many more benefits and uses, but these are the ones that interest me. Do a bit of independent research and you'll find out much much more.

Ah, my loves, and oh, my friends, I know you are thinking a number of things: First, where the hell are you going to get frankincense tears? My favorite supplier of all things spicey, aromatic, and fabulous: www.sfherb.com . They are the inspiration for my making this infused oil in the first place. You can walk in there and buy a pound of frankincense, just like that! Wow! As I've mentioned before, when you have a pound of something like cinnamon and frankincense you find ways to use it. Second, I suppose a 20% solution is stronger than a homemade infusion, but your homemade oil will be cheap and plentiful enough that you can use it as the carrier oil for future concoctions. Third, yes, it will smell amazing.

1. Grind the frankincense tears in a spice grinder dedicated for this purpose. Even better, make it a cheap spice grinder. Frankincense is a resin, which looks dry and solid, but it's actually a gum. When you grind it mechanically, or by hand, it becomes sticky; your fingers and tools will get tacky. To minimize this effect you can freeze the resin in advance. Grind the resin little by little until you have half a cup of powder. When you have enough powder clean the grinder immediately; getting the the powder out of the crevices. Clean the interior by grinding some uncooked rice.

2. Pour the powder into the 24 oz jar. I used a recycled spaghetti jar and a funnel.

3. Pour 16 oz of grapeseed oil over the frankincense. I get mine from a local coop that sells it in bulk. It is locally produced, expeller pressed, and deep emerald green in color. The oil gives everything I use it in a green tinge, but it is of such good quality that I don't care. Grapeseed oil is my carrier oil of choice for infusions because it is highly stable and has a long shelf life. It also is non-comodegenic, moisturizing, anti-inflammatory, and astringent. Combined with the healing properties of frankincense it makes strong medicine!

4. Stir the oil and powder until the frankincense is evenly distributed through the jar. It will immediately start sinking again, but you want the all the little granules to come in contact with the oil. And yes, I use a chopstick for this purpose. I know you are not supposed to split pairs, but I'm barbarian and an infidel, albeit one that smells fantastically.

5. Put the mason jar in a small sauce heavy bottomed pan and pour water into the pan.

6. Place the pan on your range and heat the water. Now you have some choices to make. If you are not forgetful, you can keep it over low heat for about 3 hours. Refill the water as needed. If you are forgetful, like me, and fear letting the water boil away and burning the resin (which I have done), you can bring the water up to a boil then turn it off. Come back later and repeat. Do this 5 or 6 times every 20 to 30 minutes, stirring up the resin each time. Refill the water as needed.

7. Once the oil has cooled you can strain out the frankincense. If you don't need to use the oil immediately just cover it and let it sit unstrained in a cool dark place until you need it. Alternatively you can store it and strain out a bit at a time as needed. I have these really nice brown glass boston bottles that I get fish oil in, so I chose to strain the oil.

8. Fold a coffee filter into quarters. Open one layer so it forms a cone. Place the cone in the funnel and the funnel into the neck of your chosen storage container. Pour the oil into the filter and let the oil drip thru. Eventually the cone will get clogged with resin, so you'll have to change it out for a new one.

9. Once all the oil has been strained it is ready for use. Go ahead, rub it all over your naked body! Your skin will love you!

Some time ago Honey and I were exploring one of the local shopping malls. This mall, in fact, furnished us with the inspiration for the previously mentioned Birthday Duck Feast. The megamart there carries geese, duck, and pig offal as a matter of course. In addition to this wondrously stocked emporium, the mall is home to a Hawaiian bbq joint. Just about everything there is fried, or marinaded in a sweet sauce. It's fantastic! I even got them to halve the rice and double the macaroni salad. My lord! Honey and I began to frequent the place, and on one of these trips my roommate Sailor Moon (don't ask me, she chose the nickname) and I convinced him to try the spam musubi.

Generally, Honey is a very sensible person, the kind of guy who likes his warm, comfy, ugly sweaters and finally admits that they are ugly when he sees his partner (ie: me) wearing them. Those sweaters have now been donated. Honey likes things his way, but is willing to see reason. When I proposed sharing an order of spam musubi I knew the greatest obstacle would be getting him to try it. Once he consented I knew he would enjoy it. Sailor Moon encouraged him and modeled the correct response by ordering a portion for herself. Honey gave me a skeptical side eye, but put in the order. A few days later he called me. “I went to Costco and I did a terrible thing.” “Oh dear. What did you do?” “Guess.” Honey is also the kind of guy who ages rib eye primals in his home refrigerator. What in the world could he have gotten himself into at Costco? “Uhm...” then I started to get excited, “You bought a whole frozen lamb!”

“No, I bought spam.”

“What? You got spam at Costco!? How big is Costco spam?”

“8 cans.”

“You got an 8 pack of spam?” I started cackling in that way which indicates I have absolutely no sympathy for his plight.

2. Remove the spam from its can. Lay the spam on its side and cut into 8 equal slices. I cut it in half, then cut each resulting piece in half until there are eight. MATH! It works, bitches.

3. Dip the spam slices in the marinade, making sure all sides are coated. Set them aside.

4. Steam 2 cups of short grain rice according to package directions. You do have a rice steamer, right? Right?

5. When the rice is ready you may scramble the eggs. Lightly salt the eggs and take off the heat just before they are completely done. The residual heat will finish cooking them.

6. Next, fry the spam. Heat the frying pan over a medium high flame and lay the spam slices down. Brown on both sides. Remove to a clean plate.

7. While the spam is frying nuke the leftover marinade for about a minute. You want to heat it without drying it out. Now now you have musubi sauce.

8. Prepare your mise en place. By now the rice should have cooled enough to be handled. Set up all your ingredients for musubi assembly. Take out 4 sheets of nori and cut them in half.

9. Assemble the musubi! Lay down a piece of nori, then place a spam slice in the middle. You will notice that it fits perfectly. Coincidence? I think not. Lovingly spoon some musubi sauce on top of the spam. Wet your hands and pack some rice into an oblong shape. You decide how much you want. I find the spam needs to be balanced out by the other ingredients so I am a bit generous with the rice. Place the rice down on the spam. Cut some pieces of fried egg and arrange on the rice. Wrap the nori around the stack using some grains of rice to seal the wrapper closed. Plate seam side down. Repeat.

10. Share musubi with your own Honey. It's like a Japanese breakfast burrito! Everybody loves breakfast for dinner.

You see how extraordinarily simple, easy, and delicious this is? An added bonus is that all the ingredients are humble and have a long shelf life. You see where I’m going with this? Spam musubi is perfect for surviving the zombie apocalypse in style. Mark my words, you'll be the most popular person in camp.

Those who know me offline are aware that I despise almost all forms of exercise. Rote, repetitive movements, meat heads grunting and dropping dumbbells on the floor, chicks in pony tails and ear buds running on treadmills... all serve to repel me. That is why "discovering" yoga felt like a revelation. Not off putting fashion lalalimey, or unattainable cirque du soliel yoga, but actual "tell the instructor you got a bum knee" yoga with copious blocks, straps, blankets, mats, bolsters, and even chairs.

I speak of Iyengar yoga. In the class I wandered into were senior ladies doing sun salutes next to hard bodies and chubby bodies alike. These were ordinary people striving, learning, tipping over, and trying again. At one point the students stopped and helped each other feel what it's like to be in a perfect down dog: shoulders broad, neck relaxed, and a straight line from hips to hands. The whole thing was lead by a tall elegant man with a mellifluous voice and a humble papa bear personality. His words of wisdom echo in my mind even outside of class: ”you are your own guru,” ”do what you can do, be happy with what you can do,”"lengthen the exhale," and of course, ”soften the face." I knew he was conducting class with me in mind when he asked us to stand with our feet together, "heels touching, big toe mounds touching," then followed this directive with the adjustment, "those with fuller thighs may stand with their feet hip width apart." "Yes!" I thought, "He's looking out for me!" That first day I took heart, stayed, and learned.

The Iyengar style is actually perfect for a pedant like myself. The detailed instructions and emphasis on precision in alignment make certain that you learn properly and help reduce potential for injury. At the same time it is wonderfully flexible (haha, get it?) and you can modify at will to suit your needs.

Since then I have also sampled Kundalini, Hatha, and Vinyasa styles. While Kudalini was too hard, the Hatha classes were too soft, and Vinyasa was just right, Kundalini taught me something incredibly important: always drink your chai.

Yogi chai tea is just the thing to help your body recover from a great yoga class, no matter what style you prefer. I make it caffeine free with rooibos, while traditional recipes call for a tiny amount of black tea. It will soothe your muscles, stoke your digestive fire, and save you from flu season. I swear by it and drink it by the gallon. In fact I am drinking some right now to speed my recovery from a sprained ankle because ginger helps inflammation. Even if it is all placebo effect I don't care cuz the stuff is delicious!

Technique:I know, I know, you are looking at the ingredient list above and thinking, "I can't afford all those fancy whole spices, what am I, a Raja?" But ah, my loves, and oh, my friends you can if you know where to shop. Behold the best kept secret of the internet: www.sfherb.com

If you order online they have a $30 minimum. You can make the purchase with a friend and split the booty. If you go in person don't be intimidated by the glory of spices for sale by the pound. Take the leap. Once you don't have to ration your cinnamon sticks you'll find all sorts of wonderful ways to use them.

1. Pour a gallon of fresh cold water into your stock pot. Place over high heat while you prepare the other ingredients.

2. The cinnamon, clove, star anise, and orange rind can be tossed in as is. Crush the allspice, pepper, and nutmeg with your kitchen rock. Cover them first with a paper towel to keep the pieces from flying all over the kitchen. Alternatively, use a mortar and pestle (strongly recommend, then the towel will not absorb the oils that ooze from the nutmeg). Tip spices into the pot.

4. Bruise the cardamom seeds with your kitchen rock and add. If you feel like living dangerously you can grind them. I recommend reducing the amount by at least half because too much ground cardamom can impart a bitter flavor. Add, stir.

5. Weigh out 1 oz of fresh ginger, mince by hand, or in a mini food processor. If you don't have a scale, cut a fat chunk that is about an inch long. Add to pot, stir. If using ground ginger, get the dried ginger pieces from SF Herb and grind it yourself in your spice grinder. Dried ginger is pretty intense, so you might want to add it after the chai has already boiled 10 or 15 minutes. If you are like me and want the chai to have a lot of medicinal benefits, go for the full monty. See reasoning behind each option at end of recipe.

6. Bring ingredients to a boil and then turn the heat down so the tea is at a vigorous simmer. Cover the pot and let it bubble for 30 minutes.

7. Measure out your tea and stevia. When 30 minutes have passed turn off the flame, tip in the leaves and give it all a swirl with your spoon. Cover and let stand until cool.

8. When you chai is cool, strain through a mesh strainer into a 1 gallon container. I like to use a plastic pitcher with a tight fitting lid. Repurposed clean glass milk, or juice bottles work too.

9. To get every last drop press the leaves with your spoon, or heck, squeeze the tea out with you hands! Yes, I have done that... hate to see precious chai go to waste. To strain all possible sediment lay a coffee filter, or cheese cloth in the sieve before pouring the chai through. More ground spices = more sediment. This can be really slow and infuriating, so I just deal with the sediment by pretending I'm Turkish.

10. Now you can add your vanilla extract. Stir it into your gallon pitcher, or add judiciously to your smaller containers.

10. The chai is almost ready to serve. How you do so depends on your taste and the choices you made while preparing it. If the chai tastes good as is, just add a splash of milk and enjoy hot. This is most likely if you used fresh ginger and bruised the cardamom. If you used dry ginger, and ground the cardamom you might want to water it down with an equal portion of water, then add milk and honey. Drink hot! Why dry ginger vs. fresh? They have differing medicinal qualities. Dry ginger is heating, while fresh ginger is cooling. I personally prefer heating, so I use the dry stuff. If you've ever neglected your ginger and found a shriveled stick in it's place, now you know how to use it! Namaste.

A few weeks ago Honey and I had dinner at a french bistro. We had routinely walked past it in favor of other, more familiar restaurants since it opened about 3 years ago. In a fit of adventurousness we decided to give it a try. We walked in and the hostess had a rather strong accent such that I had some trouble understanding her. Then our waiter had an accent and I could hear wisps of Gallic conversation coming from the kitchen. Wow! This place actually is staffed by real French people! The food was wonderful: pork for him, duck confit for me (we all know how much of a fan of duck I am). The wine pairings were impeccable, but what truly stood out for me was the crème brulee.

This dessert was smooth, silky, with more of a custard quality to it than other crème brulees (cremes brulee?) I’ve had before. This crème brulee blew away all the others I’d ever tasted. As I spooned the custard reverently into my mouth I became convinced that the key was a higher egg to cream ratio than “ordinary” “american” cremes brulee, such as those served in steakhouses. Yes, a quality steakhouse can serve a fabulous crème brulee, but this one was a revelation. These French people know their business.

Oh, and I had promised you a food high in vitamin D. This is it! Aside from oily fish (which make dubious dessert ingredients) and artificially enriched dairy, egg yolks naturally contain vitamin D. Crème Brulee, the most delicious health food around! Click to read more -------------------->

1. Separate the yolks from the whites, collecting the yolks in the bowl you intend to do your mixing in. I like to crack the eggs into my hand and let the white drip through my fingers. It makes things a little tricky to photograph, though. The egg whites I like to make into a scramble. On the day I baked my crème brulee the scramble contained onions and smoked salmon.

2. Sprinkle the sugar over the yolks and blend together with a fork. Set aside. Pour the cream into a sauce pan and heat over a medium flame until bubbles form around the edge of the pan. Honestly, I didn't watch the cream particularly closely and it almost boiled over. Oops. If your cream boils, or simmers just let it cool for a bit before moving on to the next step.

3. Now that the cream has warmed through add a spoonful to the yolks and mix it in. This is to temper the eggs and prevent them from coagulating, or scrambling on contact with the heated cream. Add more cream little by little a spoon at a time until you've mixed in 4-6 spoons full. At this point the yolks should be ready to incorporate into the rest of the cream. Pour the yolk/cream mixture into the saucepan and stir everything together until smooth.

4. Hooray! You've almost got custard! Clean your mixing bowl and take out your mesh sieve. Strain the custard mix back into the bowl to remove any lumps that may have formed despite your egg tempering efforts. This step will help ensure a silky texture to the custard. Before you forget (like I actually did) add the vanilla.Now you are almost ready to bake your custards.

5. Preheat the oven to 325 Fahrenheit. Put the kettle on to boil. Pour the mixture into six to eight ramekins depending on size. (Makes a little more than eight four-ounce cremes brulee.) I filled six four-ounce ramekins and two six ounce ramekins (the six-ouncers were not full). Place the ramekins in a baking pan. Pour boiling water into the pan (be careful not to get water into the ramekins), so that the water level is halfway up the sides of the ramekins. Cooking the custards in a water bath will provide a low even temperature for the custards to cook evenly and set properly. Place in the oven for about half an hour.

6. After an hour, check to see if the custards are done. We want them to be set on the outside edge, but jiggly (like jello) at the center. Carefully pick up a ramekin with tongs and shake to see if the centers jiggle. If only the center jiggles a little, it's done. If the whole thing is set, remove immediately - it'll be a little over done, but still delicious. If it's not done, just put it back in the water bath and check again in ten minutes. Once the custards are done, let them cool on a cooling rack to room temperature. This will let the custards finish cooking the centers on their own. Plastic wrap the custards in their ramekins and refrigerate until chilled thru before finishing.

7. About an hour before serving, remove the plastic wrap from each ramekin and use a paper towel to gently soak up any moisture that may have appeared on the custard tops. Pour about a teaspoon of turbinado ("sugar in the raw") sugar in the middle of each custard. Tilt the ramekin and gently tilt until the top surface of the custard is covered evenly. Tap out the excess. Using a hand torch (I borrowed my roommate's soldering torch), heat the sugar until it bubbles and changes color. I take my time and don't move from one side of the creme brulee to the other until the spot I've been working on has achieved the brown color that I want. Don't worry about heating up the custard underneath, the creme brulee will chill in the fridge again for a bit before serving. Do worry about lighting your kitchen counter on fire. Here you baking pan can serve double duty. Flip it over and use the bottom as a platform for your pyrotechnic needs.

8. The cremes brulee must cool again before you can eat them. Chill them for another hour... or as long as you can stand. Then prepare yourself for what you are about to experience. Turn off the lights and light a candle. Get cozy. There is nothing as satisfying as the first crunch of the spoon thru that burnt candy layer on top of luscious custardy goodness. The best thing about making your own (aside from the fit of giggle wiggles that will overtake you when you realize OMG YOU MADE THIS!) is that you can customize it to your taste. The turbinado layer too thick and intense? Try a thin veneer of white sugar. Do it the way you like it. There ain't nothing wrong with that, baby.

Ah, my loves, and oh, my friends last week we talked about making a melt in your mouth roast duck in the comfort of your own home. Aren't you glad we had that little talk? Cooking a whole bird has never been so decadent. The wonderful thing about buying whole birds is they come with a little packet of goodies: the giblets. The heart, gizzard, and neck maye be used for stock... because you will make stock from the leftover bones, of course. But the liver is destined for a far greater purpose: pate.

Mmm, mmm, mmm, pate. That luscious spread is the epitome of fancy. I order it at restaurants every chance I get. Whether it be served at a French, American, or Hoffbrau establishment pate is always a pleasure to experience. It also usually comes paired with elegant little toasts, mini pickles, or whole grain mustards. Every bite is an adventure.

Do you realize this luxurious snack can be made at home with very humble ingredients? Do you? Nevermind, if you didn't, you do now. BEHOLD: my recipe for chicken liver and apple pate. As for the duck liver, just throw it in with the chicken livers. My version cuts back the butter content by half. I don't want to eat liver flavored butter, I want to eat liver. Click to read more ------------------------------------->

1. Marinate the livers. Remove chicken livers from container, drain and rinse. Place in a small bowl and cover with milk. Stir to make sure all the livers are in contact with milk. This step is intended to soften the flavor of the liver and pull out some of the more metallic flavors. Some recipes say to “clean” the livers before soaking, but honestly, I don't bother. Everything will be going into the food processor.

2. While the livers sit cut 4 tablespoons of butter into half pats and put in the freezer. Set another 4 tablespoons out on the counter to soften. This may sound like a lot of butter, but it is actually about half the amount called for in a traditional recipe!

3. Peel and chop your onion into medium chunks. If it stings your eyes try not to stand directly over the onion while working with it. After chopping set aside in a covered bowl.

4. Mince the fresh herbs until you have about a tablespoon of each. Peel, core, and dice the apple. Remove the paper from the garlic by crushing it with your kitchen rock. If you don't have a garlic press, mince by hand. If you do have a press, set the garlic aside until later.

2. While the livers sit cut 4 tablespoons of butter into half pats and put in the freezer. Set another 4 tablespoons out on the counter to soften. This may sound like a lot of butter, but it is actually about half the amount called for in a traditional recipe!

3. Peel and chop your onion into medium chunks. If it stings your eyes try not to stand directly over the onion while working with it. After chopping set aside in a covered bowl.

4. Mince the fresh herbs until you have about a tablespoon of each. Peel, core, and dice the apple. Remove the paper from the garlic by crushing it with your kitchen rock. If you don't have a garlic press, mince by hand. If you do have a press, set the garlic aside until later.

5. Melt 2 tablespoons of butter in the frying pan over medium high heat. When the butter has melted fry the onions until they change color. Add the chopped apple. Season with salt, pepper, and herbs. Press the garlic directly into the pan. Stir in 2 tablespoons of bourbon. Adjust the heat as needed. Keep sauteing until everything has turned golden and the apples are on the cusp of disintegrating. Tip everything out into a bowl and set aside.

6. Drain the livers from the milk. Melt another 2 tablespoons of butter in your frying pan over medium high heat. Add the livers and season with salt and pepper. Lower the heat and keep frying until they are just barely done. Cut them open to check. If they are slightly pink in the center they are ok to pull from the fire. If they are red, keep frying. The idea here is to keep the livers moist, tender, and juicy. Over frying will make them tough, dry, and hateful.

7. Pluck the livers from the fry juice and mix with the sauteed aromatics in your food processor. I haven't thought of a use for the fry juice. Perhaps you can make it into a gravy, or dip bread in it...

8. Process the apples, onions, and livers until smooth. Drop in the frozen butter chunks one by one thru the chute. You are now making an emulsion of meat and fat! Hooray science! This is the point at which the traditionalists get crazy with the butter. The butter gives the pate a silky texture and evens out the metallic qualities of the liver. Technically you are making a forcemeat.

9. Taste the pate for seasoning and adjust. Remember that you will be eating this cold, or at room temp so you might want to be a bit more aggressive with the flavors.

10. When the pate is to your liking pack it into your mold of choice. I just used a cereal bowl. Cover with cling wrap and chill for at least 2 hours. Optionally: cover the pate with a thin layer of clarified butter to protect it from drying out in the fridge. If you are storing the pate overnight without butter press the plastic to the surface of the pate. For the initial 2 hour chill it is not necessary. Be warned that the plastic may mar the surface for presentation. It has occurred to me that a little bit of extra virgin olive oil on top may serve to keep the pate from drying out. If you try that, let me know how it works!

Birthday duck, birthday duck, it's the best day of the year girl! Last week I mentioned the wonderful dinner Honey and I prepared for my most recent birthday. The centerpieces of the meal were a goose and a duck. "Why that combination?" I hear you asking. Honey and I had recently discovered a megamart near us that carries these fowl as a standard part of their stock. Never having cooked and eaten goose before, we thought my birthday offered a dandy opportunity for experimentation. We acquired one of each due to the fact that 2 geese would have been too much for the number of guests we anticipated. As it happened this was a lucky accident.

While the goose was very handsome and stuffed with a scrumptious wild rice dressing (Honey and I like to live on the edge), the meat was tough. It was flavorful, of a dark hue reminiscent of red meat, and definitely required a patient set of choppers to consume. Everybody present nodded graciously over their servings of tough bird while hacking with their knives. In testimony to its toothsomeness the gallant goose was soon reduced to its natural armature... which I later used as the basis for a stock. Our conclusion after the meal was that goose is the mutton of fowl. Ah well, now we know.

Without a doubt, the duck was the jewel in the crown of our meal. Everybody got at least a taste, and as the birthday girl I ate the drumsticks. When I had my first bite I believe my first words were, “Oh my god, Honey! Mmm, oh my god.” Yes, sampling my Honey's cooking is a near tantric experience.

How to describe this duck? It was moist and literally dripped juice when carved. The flesh was more tender than a kitten sleeping nestled in the palm of your hand. The glaze was a balanced combination of sweet, salty, and spicy that produced a pleasant tingle and complemented the meat rather than candying it. The result was glorious. Ah, my loves, and oh, my friends you will be moved when you taste this bird. You will swoon, you will weep, you will slap yo mama. Honey and I immediately agreed that we should make this dish more often.

Technique:Honey was in charge of this one, so the directions and illustrations are minimalist. Thaw your duck ahead of time in your fridge. This will take a couple days. When you are ready to prepare it:

1, Preheat oven to 300 Fahrenheit.

2. Remove innards from within the bird. Set aside for future use, or freeze until I write about what to do with them. Trim off the extra skin and fat flaps around the openings. Set trimmings aside with the giblets. Examine your bird closely and pull out any stray quills that remain in the skin. Rinse the duck and pat dry. Pour out any water that is inside the cavity and give it a quick drying too. Take your pointy knife and poke lots of little holes all over the skin. Be careful not to cut so deep that you mar the flesh. Sprinkle in and out with fancy salt and rub it into the skin with your hands. Fold the tips of the wings back behind the shoulders. This helps keep the wings from burning. If you wish for a more demure presentation you may use twine to truss the legs together like a Victorian lady crossing her legs at the ankle. This also serves to keep the duck's extremities from burning and drying out. In this case Honey let it all hang out. What can I say? He's a citizen of California.

3. Lay your bird breast side up on the rack in the roasting pan. Slide the whole thing into the oven and roast for 3 hours: have a cocktail, work on your colcannon, snuggle with your special somebody.

4. About 10 minutes before the 3 hours are up prepare the glaze. In a bowl add the soy, sriracha, and honey. Mix until combined. If the honey is too viscous you may heat it up a bit in the microwave until it is more workable.

5. When the time comes pull the duck out of the oven and set the oven to 400 Fahrenheit. Carefully remove the duck and rack from the pan and set aside. Now you can harvest the fat! Spoon, or pour out into your chosen container. BE SUPER CAREFUL you don't want to fry yourself. Allow fat to cool, store in fridge, and use for future cooking endeavors.

6. Now back to the duck. Replace in the pan with the rack. Flip it breast side down and brush the whole back with your glaze. Slide it into the oven which is now a searing 400 degrees. Roast for 5 minutes.

7. Pull the duck out again. Flip it breast side up and brush with glaze. Roast for 7 minutes. Watch it carefully and be ready to rescue your bird if it starts to scorch.

8. After seven minutes take the duck out of the oven and cover it with foil. Allow it to rest for 15 minutes. Carve and eat. Giggle and marvel at how ridiculously awesome your life is.

Ah, my loves, and oh, my friends, Miz Gee recently celebrated the anniversary of her birth. As with any holiday of note this one was marked with feasting and drinking. Honey gallantly offered to cook in my honor and took on the challenge of roasting a pair of odd birds: a duck and a goose.The duck had a sweet and spicy glaze, while the goose was filled with a wild rice and bacon stuffing. Honey also made a rustic pate from the livers. I contributed what any self respecting Latina would prepare: Irish colcannon!

Yeah, ok, maybe not the obvious choice. Colcannon is my favorite form of mashed potatoes since I first prepared it on St. Patrick's Day 2 years ago. That day I took one taste and knew I would be fighting our guests for the last spoonful. My concept of what mashed potatoes could be had been revolutionized. Why had I never encountered these amazing potatoes before?

Nevermind, I know now. No time for regrets. This amazecats recipe calls for both butter and olive oil, which makes for delectable flavor without overwhelming you with milk fat... or lactose, the bane of many dairy lovers. The kale and garlic give this recipe a modern California twist and your taste buds a lovely little tickle.

Try it, and you'll see why Miz Gee will make her mashed potatoes no other way.

Technique: Usually I would't harp on ingredients being organic, but potatoes and greens regularly show up on the dirty dozen list of foods most contaminated with pesticides. Many megamart stores have organic sections, so hopefully these ingredients will be easy to find and not too dear.

This is a very forgiving recipe, don't worry about having precise measures. There aren't many pictures, since I only had my cell phone camera to work with.

1. Wash and peel your potatoes. Chop them into uniform chunks so they will cook evenly. Add to your pot and cover with fresh cool water. Salt liberally with kosher. Place on medium high heat, bring to a boil and then simmer for about 15-20 minutes until tender. Drain.

2. While the potatoes boil prepare the greens. Wash the kale carefully; discarding any sad, limp, or yellow leaves. Remember these are organic, so they will have some flaws. They should be a deep velvety green and resilient when handled a bit roughly. Slice out the stems with your paring knife and chop the leaves into bite sized ribbons. I found it best to be a bit purposeful about this, since smaller bits make it easier to scoop out the mash later while serving. If the kale is chopped too large you end up fighting with tendrils of green that refuse to let go and you then have to bang the spoon against your plate like an irate school lunch lady.

3. Select you scallions from the bunch and wash them, peeling off the outer layer if necessary, and cutting off the roots. Slice the scallions all the way up the green leaves. Wash your parsley and mince. Happened to find curly parsley in Honey's fridge, but I actually prefer flat leaf. It is more aromatic and makes great chimichurri.

4. Choose some fat cloves of garlic from the head. To remove the paper you may bop them with your kitchen rock, or smash them against the cutting board with the flat of your blade. Free the sticky cloves from the torn wrappings and mince, or crush them in a garlic press.

5. Time to sweat! In your medium to large skillet of choice (remember the kale will be bulky at the start), melt the 4 tablespoons of butter over a medium flame. Add the scallions and sweat until they change color. Toss in the parsley and garlic, season with realt salt (or whatever fancy salt you have) and pepper. Continue to stir and sweat until the garlic is cooked, but not browned. You may need to adjust the heat. Start stirring in your kale. Once you have all of it in the pan, dribble in a bit of water and cover. Lower the flame a tad. Allow the greens to steam for a bit. Resist the urge to peek!

6. There will come a time, young padawan, when the aroma of wilted kale will suffuse your kitchen. Now is the time to reveal the secrets which have been hidden from your sight. Approach with care to avoid the steam which will inevitably rise. Stir the greens and judge carefully, has it all wilted, or does it need more time? Remember that carry over heat will also continue to cook your kale. When you reckon 90% of the greens have wilted, turn off the heat and set them aside. Leave the lid off. If you cover them, the trapped heat may take the kale beyond the deep gorgeous green it has become to the sickly yellow green of overdone vegetables.

7. Put your drained potatoes back into the pot. Add the olive oil and milk. Mash the potatoes until they reach your preferred texture. Stir in the kale and pan drippings. Taste and adjust for salt and seasoning if needed.

Et Viola! You have colcannon! Enjoy your new creation and bask in the admiration of your friends. They will go back for more, I assure you.

Recently there was a gorgeous heat wave here in San Francisco. For two weeks the sun shone down directly on our pasty faces instead of filtering weakly through layers of clouds and fog. Generally unused to true direct sunlight we gratefully receive the pathetic little tendrils of light that emerge attenuated from the mist as we would a loving caress upon our countenance from His Noodly Appendage.

It was with delight and astonishment that I rediscovered how much more vibrant the world is when properly lit! The bougainvillea, sweet pea, and geranium blossoms I encounter along my walk to work leapt out from their background foliage. Just looking at them made my shoulders drop and my serotonin levels rise. Of course, despite enjoying the added light and brilliance, I still wore long sleeves and a broad brimmed hat. So much for Vitamin D. At a later date I'll have to work in a recipe for a Vitamin D rich food.

For now I shall focus on something cool to drink after a long, hot day and a sweaty, awkward commute home. Speaking of awkward, has anyone noticed that San Franciscans don't know how to dress for summer? We still wear our dresses with boots and tights, except as a concession to the higher temperature the tights are hiked up to show a few inches of shin, and the quotidian boho scarf is draped loosely about our shoulders, rather than wound snugly around our neck. Really, we just look silly: like adolescent birds halfway thru molting into their adult feathers, or Goths wearing their weeds in Arizona.

So what is a somewhat health conscious self styled foodie to do when caught in an unexpected tho welcome summer? I'll give you a hint (pretend you didn't read the tile of this post) mint grows like a weed in Honey's garden. What better use for it than a mint infused simple syrup?

Technique:In a sauce pan heat the water and sugar together until the sugar is completely dissolved. Rough chop the mint and toss into the syrup. Allow to simmer for 10-15 minutes. Turn off heat and let stand until cool. (I like to think that further minty goodness is infused into the solution during this time) Strain mixture and decant into a container of your choice for storage. (I used a repurposed beer bottle with a flip top, and a small mason jar for the extra syrup.) Makes 3 cups syrup. Keep refrigerated.

So, now that we've made our lovely minty syrup, we need to put it to delectable use. This following beverage was inspired by one of my favorite cocktails: the Pimm's Cup.Lemon Mint Cucumber SodaEquipment:1 pint glass1 muddlerTablespoonLemon juicerLong handled spoon

Method:Add the 2 slices of cucumber to your pint glass and smash them to smithereens with your muddler. If you don't have a muddler, you are a smart, resourceful and devastatingly gorgeous individual, I'm sure you can figure something out. Add the lemon juice, with, or without pulp (I prefer with the pulp). Top with ice, homemade mint simple syrup, and soda. Stir briskly, garnish with lemon and cucumber slices. Sit back under an umbrella tree and enjoy the cricket match that has magically materialized in your back yard. Take care not to muss your petticoats and bring your fan. You must have a fan for proper flirtation, of course.

Hello everyone. I baked my first sourdough loaves and while the bread was tasty (especially slathered with some nice salted butter) I think it was more valuable as a learning experience. The recipe I followed is more like a formula and is known as the 1, 2, 3 formula on several websites. It was devised by a French food blogger named Flo Makanai, who introduced it to American sourdough bakers out of curiosity to see if her formula worked with american style flours. You may see her original post in English here: http://www.thefreshloaf.com/node/9346/123-easy-formula-sourdough-bread

As a novice sourdough baker I still have quite a bit of learning to do. The main question for me is regarding the timing of feeding the starter and then using the starter. For this initial attempt at baking I decided to just use my starter pretty much straight out of the fridge. I had fed it on Wednesday night and I was baking on a Saturday. That morning I had to go run some errands, so I pulled the liquid starter out of the fridge and let it sit on the counter for a couple hours while I was out. When I returned home I decided to make two loaves, one using the liquid starter and one using the sponge starter. Hence, the sponge starter did not get a chance to come up to room temperature before I used it.

I wanted to make 1.5 pound loaves, so using the 1,2,3 formula the ingredients were as follows for each loaf:

Hence forth all steps were carried out twice, once for Dough 1 (liquid starter) and again for Dough 2 (sponge starter).

I stirred up the liquid starter and weighed out 4 oz. and poured 8 oz of warm water on top. I stirred that up until it was a thin slurry and then mixed in the flour. I covered it and set it in my oven with the light on for half and hour. This is the "autolyse" period, where the goal is for the flour to absorb the liquid.

I did the same for the sponge starter (which I believe is 75% hydration) except I had to cut it into little pieces and then smush it in the water with my fingers.

After half an hour I did some stretch and folds of the dough within the bowls. I did not count how many, but I did it until it seemed to resist. I oiled the bowls, turned the doughs, covered and stored in the oven.

Every hour for 3 hours I stretched and folded the doughs, but I think I was too rough and ended up kneading out most of the gas bubbles. Dough 1 was softer and easier to stretch, while Dough 2 retained more of its shape and it was easy to see the folds. They both rose and had nicely sized bubbles.

At the end of the 3 hours I let the doughs sit for another half hour, Then shaped them into batards. I don't have any fancy proofing baskets, so I just used a couple plastic containers and lined them with floured cotton cloth. The batards proofed for a final two hours.

At this point I realized I had deflated my dough and that the final proof was probably not going to restore the rise. Ah well.

When It was time to bake I preheated my oven to 500 degrees with an old pan in the bottom. I placed the batards on a cookie sheet, slashed them down the middle with a razor, and measured out a cup of water. I slid the cookie sheet into the oven, threw the water at the hot pan in the bottom, sloshed most of the water onto the floor of the oven, and shut the door. I lowered the heat to 450 degrees and baked the loaves for 35 min. I pulled them out, checked the temperature with a probe thermometer and they measured 211 degrees. My target was 200, but 211 is acceptable.

I let the batards sit for 3 hours before slicing them.

Assessment:The bread had a very dark brown crust and a very dense crumb. The batard from Dough 1 was flatter than the one from Dough 2. The flavor was identical. The bread was hearty and not sour, which is fine with me. I prefer less sour bread. The crust was crunchy and chewy. Batard 2 had a better tear at the slash when baked, but both loaves cracked at the edges. I don't know if that is because I didn't slash deep enough, or if I baked it at too high a temperature.

Next time I will be more careful when stretching and folding. I also will feed up the starter more before baking. I also might try baking the loaf in a dutch oven, or using ice cubes in the oven for steam, rather than water.

So, remember that movie, Bound, the one where Gina Gershon and Jennifer Tilly are two extremely good looking lesbians? I know you remember it. You must. Nobody ever made house painting look so good until Gina's Corky busted out the rollers. They even had Susie Sexpert consult on the sex scenes... There's a scene in that movie that I kept thinking about while in Pescadero. No, I don't mean the sexy one, I mean the scene when Christopher Meloni and Joey Pants are torturing a guy in the bathroom and Jennifer Tilly wants to leave. Joey croons to her sympathetically, "Baby, that's what I love about you. You're so fuckin sensitive." Then he kisses her on the shoulder. Yes, his response was completely inappropriate, but he was showing his appreciation of her in his own special way.

Well, Pescadero is so fuckin picturesque. I know. I know. I shouldn't say it that way, but I can't help it. It's beautiful. Gorgeous. The rolling hills, the verdant grass, the adorable goats, all of it is absolutely fuckin picturesque. Yes it's a bit gauche, but a city rat like myself must express her appreciation in whatever manner she can.

Our weekend away was basically a series of naps interrupted by moments of socialization. Or at least I took as many naps as possible, Honey exercised his right to vegetate on the sofa. That Saturday we rose for breakfast, then took a nap. We visited Harley Dairy Goat farm, then took a nap. We had wine and cheese in the dining room of the B&B, then took a nap. Lastly, we had dinner at the Half Moon Bay Brewery and then... stayed up!

One of the funny things about a B&B is that you often must break your fast at a communal table with your fellow lodgers. This encourages conversation, tho I must admit that I was a bit too sluggish to contribute a great deal. I did, however, learn that another couple had tickets to a guided tour and a catered luncheon at Harley farm. I wondered aloud if they served goat at these luncheons and the female member of the couple responded, "That would be too inhumane."

I thought it best not to respond.

The dairy was a lovely walk from the B&B. We had only to follow the main road for a little less than a mile and arrived quite quickly. The little girl and her goat point the way for you. It is a working dairy so it is full of barnyard smells, gravel, and mud. The baby goats are quite lovable and you can hold them if you ask the owners, or are part of an organized tour. They have a lovely garden where they cultivate the flowers they use to decorate their chevre. I was rather disappointed to note walk-on visitors are not permitted in, but quickly forgot said disappointment when I found the cheese room. The cheese room is located in an old barn with floorboards so worn they are actually wavy. The exterior is not particularly picturesque, and while inside I was too absorbed in tasting, so there are no pictures of it to show you. Their cheese is fantastic! Soft, creamy, smooth, flavorful mounds of chevre are lovingly decorated with edible flowers and herbs. Harley Farms as yet does not offer any aged cheeses, but their fresh cheeses are silky spreadable joy. Aside from their herb, fruit, and flower bedecked cheeses they also have three flavors of fromage blanc, and a feta. All of it was delicious. I must confess, my favorite was the chevre in olive oil, because I could then top it with their raspberry preserve. O My Gawd, Heavenly. I think I made the same circuit 5 times dodging around other customers and their children. I had found a good thing and I was going to make the most of it! To our great good luck they had a tray of goat milk fudge that was available and Honey bought a square of it. It existed only because the friendly lady at the counter had forgotten to set it out for sale the previous day. It was gone within the next two hours. Other edible offerings were raspberry syrup, honey, and olive oil so virginal it had sediment.

Inside the cheese room there was a sign directing customers to the barn "next door" for the farm's goat milk skin care line and other products. I stepped outside to look for the barn "next door" and could only find one at what seemed like a considerable distance, say a city block, or two away. Ha! Silly city girl! In the country "next door" means "the next habitation you encounter despite the linear distance." Above is my attempt at an artful picture of the neighboring barn. They had more little goats there which were transitioning to eating hay. The was no goaty smell at this location so Honey and I sat at a picnic table and shared some of the fudge. Very interesting. The flavor was very chocolatey on the front, like common fudge, and then it subsided into that distinctive flavor of goat's milk at the finish. It was a strange but pleasant sensation. The day was warm so the fudge was soft and tacky. We had fun licking it off our fingers.

I never did work up the courage to ask if they sold goat meat, preferring instead to enjoy the sun and the scenery. However, the B&B guests who attended the luncheon reported that they had been served a course of "lamb." They did not, however, report any feeling of inhumanity while consuming it.