Live Blog: The Brit Awards

Tonight we are live blogging The Brit Awards. This is a music awards show on ITV1 from 8-10pm.

The first thing Jae notices is that it’s probably wise to have a pee before you watch a two hour show. Jae has not had a pee. This could all go badly wrong.

8pm: El says: Coldplay, didn’t they split up? Or was that Westlife?

8:01pm: El says OMG IT’S BORING ALREADY!

8:03pm Eldad wonders if James Corden is going to do the hump

8:05pm El marks down Adele because of poor spelling – it should be You’re not Your

8:07pm El wonders what Florence’s machine does. Eldad informs her it’s a waffle machine. We all wonder who those people are behind Florence and if they’ve come to fix the waffle machine.

8:10pm Dennis the cat has run away after that last big honk from Florence.

8:16pm El greets Kylie Minogue: Oh look, it’s the tiny one with the sister who used to be on the X Factor.

8:20pm Jae wonders what time the dead sheep gets chucked.

8:22pm Women dancing with Olly Murs are wearing bum cages. We worry about what will happen when they need to defecate. Oh hang on, some of the others have got capes. Must be for clearing up the inevitable mess.

8:24pm Rizzle Kicks yeah! Not much effort on the clothes though – did they steal those T shirts off their mums?

8:28pm El blows such a large raspberry at Ed Sheeran that it hurts her face. Also claims her ears are hurt by his ‘notes’, and too casual use of the LEGO registered brand name.

8:34pm Oh wow what a coincidence that there’s an ad for somebody’s album in the ad break after they’ve performed. Spooky almost.

8:39pm Horrendous faux pas from One Direction as they use picking up award as chance to plug tour. NO NO NO LITTLE BOYS WITH TIGHT SUITS & BAD HAIR. That is not how it’s done. Have some frickin’ manners and humility. And trousers that fit.

8:41pm When a winner says “This is for you”, they only really mean it in the sense that they’re taking it home and reaping the rewards. Apart from that, it’s all yours.

8:45pm That Coldplay feller has popped up to bother Noel Gallagher. Jae remembers when every Brits musical number was a cross-artiste collaboration. Marc Almond honking at Dolly Parton, them were the days.

8:50pm El has gone to bed and Jae has gone for a pee. Luckily this blog pretty much writes itself.

8:57pm What is Huey from Fun Lovin’ Criminals doing here? Jae saw them live way back in the century before last. Who’s next, Echo & the Bunnymen?

8:58pm Sadly not

21:06pm We (El has returned) loved Adele. Much better than Prince Harry and his LEGO.

21:09pm El has gone to bed for the second, and last, time. BYE BYE EL.

21:10pm BYE BYE EL. No you can’t stay up any more, on account of having to be up for school at stupid o’ clock in the morning.

21:13pm Foo Fighters WIN Hurray! The only band to have been in Nirvana, The Muppets and Jae’s record collection. Yes I know that records are extinct, but MP3 downloads is hardly prosaic, is it?

21:15pm Prince Harry wins again, and he hasn’t even bothered to nit comb. Dave Grohl was so busy nit combing he couldn’t even pick up his award. And Bruno Mars is a fine example of what you can do when you nit comb with hair gel.

21:19pm Not so sure about the cabaret version Bruno Mars. If John Barrowman was there he’d take that as an invitation to perform.

21:25pm Eldad has stalked off in a huff muttering about the state of the British pop industry. After that he plans to do the washing up and listen to Kurt Weill. Only Jae is left, with the telly and the bugs in the wall.

21:30pm Lana Del Ray. Nope, no idea.

21:33pm Oh no how embarrassing, Rihanna’s forgotten her trousers! Everyone can see her pants, that’s like most people’s worst nightmare.

21:39pm Blur win Band Most Likely To Smell of Cheese.

21:45pm Weep at the sight of Yoda in an advert I will.

21:48pm Eldad would like to point out that he was listening to Kurt Vile, not Kurt Weill. Nope, no idea. He’s done the washing up though, that’s the main thing.

21:50pm Jae wants what George Michael’s having.

21:52pm Blur start playing to the whole room booing. That wasn’t awkward at all! Mine’s a pint of George Michaels – cheers all round.

21:57pm Blur still going and sounding a LOT like when the dads get a band together for the school summer fair.

22:00pm Also a lot like when a covers band plays in the pub down the road and we can hear it from six doors away.

And that was The Brits 2012. Always a little bit more rubbish than you expect it to be. The only consolation is, next year will be worse. Thank you and goodnight.