cuyahoga

Wired reports on the big, dark secrets behind certain psychedelic drugs. None other than Ms. Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds has been fervently accused of doing something widely frowned upon in the illegal-drug community. While most drugs get their kicks corrupting the nuclear-family unit, making old ladies frown, defending people listening to crappy music, spawning countless failed “artistic masterworks,” and so on, LSD has taken a new path.

A shocking path, I might add. The scientists and gear-heads of the last 40 years are coming out of the closet to blame LSD for some of their breakthrough discoveries. While LSD denies all accusations, in an attempt to avoid being called “a pussy,” the evidence is quite overwhelming. In a blitzkrieg attempt to hold LSD accountable, Californians and other like-minded hippies have gathered at a first-ever convention honoring none other than Old Man LSD himself, Albert Hofmann.

The harsh crowd has firmly blamed the drug for causing religious, eye-opening experiences, life-changing epiphanies of self-love, a dramatic “rewiring” of the brain allowing for extremely higher-level and abstract thinking, and other equally lame things.

“LSD better get its act together soon, and quit being such a goddamn ferry,” says Heroin. “I’m not one to make threats, but I’m totally going to give you a monster wedgy the next time I see you.”

In other news, I’m back in Gainesville after a nice (if unproductive) weekend with my family and grandparents. Unfortunately, 90% of everyone in my house is sick as a dog…hopefully everyone will get better soon. I’m really out of the school schedule now–I mean, I haven’t done a second of homework the entire semester yet. Granted, there’s only been 3 real days of class…that’s 3 days longer than usual. Not that I don’t have tons of work to do…I just haven’t gotten around to it yet. This is all part of my “act like a real college student” plan. After I drop-out of college, pickup a drug reliance, and marry someone I’ve known for 2 weeks…I’ll reevaluate my progress.