The type of tear I had usually means no sex for at least 6 months (and we'd wait at least a year before TTC anyway). And then if I haven't healed "perfectly" there is a serious risk that a vag delivery would result in permanent damage (full prolapse, etc) needing surgery. But I don't know that I'd be able to plan and be at peace with a pregnancy that I knew would end in a planned c/s. And even if I do heal perfectly there's an added risk. Finding a care provider who would take a vbac w/ history of 4th degree tear and willing to attend a natural non-intervention birth could be hard!

There are mamas here who have done it and been fine, and others who have been "damaged" by delivery so it's a hard call.

I know that right after dd1 was born I couldn't wait for another...so maybe it's a hormonal reaction?

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I'm ready to have my next & haven't given birth yet. DH & I talked about it recently. Even though it took me 2 yrs to get PG & had to go thru IVF, I really want to have 4 total, but given that #1 is coming at the age of 37, I don't know if that'll happen. Maybe we will adopt #3 and possibly #4? I really want a girl at some point.

"Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth."- Albert Einstein

oh, man!!! i wish i felt "done" as i hoped i would after this fourth baby but i don't feel it yet!!!! darnit. this was my hardest birth so far and afterwards, amidst the afterpains, i told dh "that was horrible! you are getting a vasectomy this summer, mister!" but now the momentary trauma has passed and i'm not wanting to believe he's my last. who cares that we're teachers living in a town we can't afford to live in! who cares that we only have one bathroom or that all 3 of our boys will have to indefinitely share a room!

yesterday i took the kids to the farmer's market and i was stopped by three different moms who congratulated me on the baby and said they were so glad/happy to see me with four kids in a society that moves so fast and often judges big families, that it's a gift to my kids and the world, etc... that was so nice. usually all i hear is "wow, you've got your hands full" or "four?!! wow, you are brave" or whatever. people are so obnoxious and unoriginal in their commentary!

anyway, i dunno. we're only 31 and we make such lovely children whom we adore so much...i'm not sure what to think. i feel like i may never feel "done", like my reproductive system/maternal instincts are straight out of a bygone era or something!

JENNY, 38~ preschool teacher, birth activist, sun worshiper, singer, married for 17 years and mom to

Mataji4 I have to say you impress me!! Your eagerness and love for your children really make you the perfect canidate for haveing several children, I say go for it if your up to it! in my opinion you really have your s_ _ _ together. This world needs more people raised by people like you. There are too many screw ups out there and kids who are loved and secure and know they are loved, grow up to be loving very wonderful people! I say keep up the good work.

As for me, the pregnancy alone brings me nightmares just thinking about it, so DH is getting snipped! I do so love my babies though!

Molly, Mama, living in the burbs with a beehive and chicken coop, herb student, gardener, crunchy and preggers with #3, due Nov 4th.The fruit of the spirit is: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,goodness, gentleness and self control.:

i had only planned on three (though dh wants four). i'm hoping that "done" feeling hits soon, but it's hard to feel done when you have the sweetest little bundle of a baby in your arms...nothing much in the world like a newborn.

Mama to three sweet girls (a dramatic, chatty 10yo, a bouncy, dynamo of a 7yo, and a delightful, whimsical 3.5yo)

Not me. I was pretty sure I was done while I was still pregnant and now I'm POSITIVE that we're done. The congenital heart defect DS was born with is hereditary and I could never ever risk putting another baby through this. I imagine that the stress alone from being pregnant would be enough for me to miscarry. But I will probably look into adoption in another few years.

GenomicsGirl-
I had such bad ppd after my c/s...in large part because I had worked so hard for a natural/intervention free birth. It's been over 2yrs now and while I have healed emotionally/physically the scars run very deep and I don't know that I'll ever be fully at peace with the experience. I've accepted it, but not embraced it...if that makes sense? I love dd1, I'm thankful interventions were available when they became necessary, but it's not the memory I "wanted".

I know a planned c/s would be less stressful since I'd have a longer time to find my balance and it wouldn't be a surprise, but...

The reason a c/s would be planned is the "chance" (about 40-50% chance) that another vag delivery could result in a complete uterine/bladder prolapse and/or permanent fecal incontenance. But c/s has long term physical risks as well (including death). So that would be the choice I'd face and the risks/maybes I'd need to balance. And looking at that choice fills me with enough stress that I can't imagine planning a babe, even though I'd love one more.

Of course, anything penetrative is off limits for ~6mo on doctor's orders (poor dh, and it looks like I'll need more mama cloth if AF returns) and there's a suggested 2yo healing period before another babe regardless of birth choice, so.... I've got a while to think!

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i had only planned on three (though dh wants four). i'm hoping that "done" feeling hits soon, but it's hard to feel done when you have the sweetest little bundle of a baby in your arms...nothing much in the world like a newborn.

Ditto! Three has always been the final number, but who knows...I'm getting another IUD, so we're not closing the doors quite yet...

Dh and I were discussing what to name the next baby when dd was a month old. We wanted more but were still surprised when ds came on the scene. Now that #3 is on the way, I can't help but plan for more! We do know that we will be using FAM for a couple years after this one b/c we do need a break from having another every 14-16 months!

But I don't know that I'd be able to plan and be at peace with a pregnancy that I knew would end in a planned c/s.

If you DID decide to have another, perhaps you could find a doctor who would be okay with you going into labor naturally, with the intent that once you determined you'd started labor, you'd come to the hospital for a C-section? In other words... and "unplanned planned" C-section?

FWIW, even knowing my DS was breech, my doctor was okay with this plan because I told her how important it was for me to know that my baby was ready to be born... that I didn't just pick an arbitrary date... know what I mean? This was important to me - with the 2nd C "looming" it felt good to know I wasn't scheduling anything.

Of course things don't always work as planned, as you know! I hope you can fully reach peace with yourself & your C-section & your body...

I'm still on cloud nine over my vbac and I'm hoping I do heal "perfectly" so I will have birth options down the road. And hopefully my meeting with my care provider will resolve some of the concerns I have about the events surrounding my tear. But again, another babe is a long ways away no matter what.

When dd1 was about a year old I knew there was another babe waiting to join our family. It sounds odd but I even knew her name and I'd catch myself wondering where she was, or where her laundry pile was, or what have you. I'd like another babe, but haven't felt this sort of "specific" call. Maybe in a year or two or three?

It's interesting to me the wide range of responses to this question...

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It's interesting to me the wide range of responses to this question...

Oh yeah, didn't answer the question myself!

I think we're finished at two. Though I don't like putting a definitive on that... because were another child to grace our presence, certainly we'd love him or her just as if we had planned in the same way as our first two.

Yet, DH has always only wanted two children, and three always seemed my "limit". Yet after our first, going from one to two was a HUGE decision, with TONS of discussion for us, and we didn't start trying until we both were COMPLETELY set on the idea of a second child. It really wasn't easy.

And my first pregnancy was emotionally difficult, labor & delivery was highly stressful, and took until the birth of my son to process & feel at peace with! My second pregnancy was in comparison, easy emotionally, yet difficult physically, and also came to a close in a highly stressful way, in spite of all our planning...

And on top of all of that, DH & I feel comfortable with one parent per child. We can give dedicated attention to each of our children, and honestly, I can't see myself dividing my attention during the day (as a SAHM) between three - it seems unfair - because I know myself, and my limits - and I feel I'm a good parent... and not sure I could be the way I want to parent with any more children.

I was talking to DH about this in the car last night. Told him that despite the hard labor that ended in a c-section, I still wanted more babies. His response, let him forget the terror of seeing me go through labor and the even greater scare of the section. He had more issues with the section than I did. Odd, but understandable I guess. So, does labor amnesia set in for men too? I'd hate to lose out on my chance for another baby because he can't forget my first labor.

I think men definitely get labor amnesia too. I think if you give him time he'll accept it later. I don't think we'll be having anymore though. I've always seen myself having four kids but now I'm not so sure. We have a girl and a boy that are 2 yrs apart. It seems to be the perfect set up. We can give them more financially and they will definitely always be able to get enough attention. And although it may sound silly this way there will never be another girl as pretty as our daughter or another boy as special as our son. No middle child syndrome. DH is suppose to get a vasc. but we're going to wait about 6mo-1yr before doing the procedure to make sure.

If you DID decide to have another, perhaps you could find a doctor who would be okay with you going into labor naturally, with the intent that once you determined you'd started labor, you'd come to the hospital for a C-section? In other words... and "unplanned planned" C-section?

FWIW, even knowing my DS was breech, my doctor was okay with this plan because I told her how important it was for me to know that my baby was ready to be born... that I didn't just pick an arbitrary date... know what I mean? This was important to me - with the 2nd C "looming" it felt good to know I wasn't scheduling anything.

Of course things don't always work as planned, as you know! I hope you can fully reach peace with yourself & your C-section & your body...

this is what I think I'd want to do. I don't like the idea of planning the cs for when the baby may not be ready.

We definitely want to have one more biologically. Though when our son was born this month, I was so elated at the hbac, but right afterwards after pushing out a 10 lb baby I said NO MORE. That was partially because we figured out from the placenta that he started out as a twin and the thought of having to push out another baby after having just pushed him out was horrifying. Of course 24 hours later I was already talking about #3, I really want a girl ( I have 2 sons) but at the same time I want my boobs back by the time I am 40 ( I am 32 now). We will definitely adopt though, a few of my siblings are adopted and I cannot imagine building a family without adoption. But yeah, these little babies make it hard to resist though!

It was about 2 hours after this birth that I was sitting in bed (I was already sitting) saying I could do this again really soon. this baby was #2 and we are hoping for 2 more as quickly as I can get pg. So....last weekend we started DTD again without any BC. It took 14 months for me to get fertile cycles again after DD, so I'm not expecting anything soon.

My MW said it was really refreshing to have someone already so excited about her next pg and birth at the 6-wk appt. Usually folks are still saying no more, or none for a long time. She likes to see big families (she had 5).

Hmm... I haven't had the time to finish writing out my birth story yet, but I'm afraid I didn't leave this birth as excited to have another as I did my first labor/delivery experience. I still am not sure exactly why.

With DS#1, I wasn't even stitched up yet when I said excitedly to everyone in the room, "I can do this again!"

This time, when it was all done, even with nowhere near the stitches/time required, and without having had the trauma of heart decel's leading to the baby being whisked over to an immediate peds exam instead of straight to me, my immediate post-partum reaction was, "Thank God that is done!" I didn't say it out loud, but I was thinking, "I can never do that again."

Now, I still want four children. DH only ever wanted one child (if any), but agreed to AT LEAST two, and, most likely, that we would adopt a third child of the opposite gender if we had two naturally of the same gender. And that's what happened--now we have two sons.

I am still processing my "loss" of a biological daughter... My ultimate fantasy family as always to have one boy and one girl biologically, then to adopt one more of each gender, for a total of four kids, two each gender.

I wouldn't give up my little baby boy for anything, but I really am sad not to have had a little girl who might look like me, etc.

I'm pretty sure I'm going for the IUD with the hormones in it. Can't recall the name. Anyway, that is a "reversable" choice, so we'll see what happens there. DH really, REALLY doesn't want a vasectomy, and I think it is wrong for me to do a more invasive surgery when he could have an "easier" one, so I don't think we'll take permanent birth control action.

Anyway, there's always a chance, isn't there? And I can't imagine ever regretting any pregnancy. I just don't think I want to do labor/delivery again.

Also, NOT ALL MEN get childbirth amnesia. DH finds the entire birth process pretty horrific, and, after this one, he said, "The only thing I've ever seen that was more disturbing than DS#1's birth was DS#2's birth!"