In the words of the Good Book, do unto others before they do it to you.

This means you have to stop being mean or evil. No more looking to get back at your contractor. Or looking to get even with your boss. Or looking to get back at your contractor. Or looking to get satisfaction from the jerk who dumped you. Or looking to get back at your contractor.

The point is, everybody has troubles. The fat lady at the circus married the Indian rubber man and in three weeks he erased her altogether.

But we must bear in mind: It is always darkest before the light bill is paid.

Brethren and Sistren, thinkest not that you can just walk into church today expecting a million-dollar answer to a one-dollar contribution.

A person cannot give up sinning in just one day. Do that and you put all the clergy out of work.

And never think money alone can buy happiness. No. It just gives you a better class of enemies. In fact, lots of money can be a curse. Especially if you’re the only one in the family who has it.

Nor is happiness dependent on being in love. Love is an emotion that gets two people so close together that they don’t see what’s wrong with each other.

Also, never believe joy and serenity can be achieved as a result of you telling a lie. Absolutely not. Unless, of course, you’re a really good liar.

Happiness for a wife is marrying for love, then learning later he also has cash.

Happiness for a husband is finding the IRS will accept his mistress as a deduction.

Happiness for a traveler is a No Tipping Allowed sign.

Happiness for a businessman is a martini before and a nap after.

Happiness for a longtime wife is a nap instead.

Happiness to me personally would be fitting into my jeans and then realizing they’re my 16-year-old niece’s.

Some folks make themselves miserable because they’re consumed with envy. Fixated on people like those Beckhams who spend $20 million a year on clothes. Look at it this way. At least they stay within their budget!

If only for the duration of this religious period, look at the bright side. Even if you’re a kleptomaniac, so what? You can always take something for it.

Having a problem with your know-it-all mother-in-law who can complain on any subject? Do something nice for the lady. Take her to dinner, send her flowers, divorce her daughter.

For the males of the house, be a gentleman. Pretend you do imitations.

For the females, if you’re throwing a cup at your husband, kindly take out the spoon.

For everyone, practice social etiquette. Make your company feel at home even though you wish they were.

In a restaurant, do not snarl to the waiter: “What’s my offense? I’ve been on bread and water for almost an hour.”

In a friend’s house, do not inquire, “Do you have Alka-Seltzer on tap?”

In a discussion with staff, do not say, “You may look dumb but that doesn’t mean you’re not.”

In a divorce, even when looking to save money, do not ask her trainer: “Don’t you guys run off with wives anymore?”

In a landlord dispute, do not bitch: “An apartment with a terrace? So why’s the sidewalk blocking my view?”

In a visit to Switzerland, do not mention: “You’ve had peace for centuries and all you’ve produced is the cuckoo clock?”

In a brothel, do not inform your old hooker to deduct a portion of her body for depreciation.

In a hotel, do not complain to the manager your room’s so small even the bedbugs are hunchbacked.

In a lecture-hall do not comment to the speaker that he’s so cultured he can bore you on any subject.

This is a time of generosity to neighbors, friends, family. Send flowers, buy chocolates, get presents, bring wine, grab the check, replace the lightbulb in your cousin’s refrigerator with a candle.

And if you attend services with your gay partner and a right-winger glares at you, do not retort: “Listen, Noah specified two of every kind.”

And if you really want to make someone happy today — mind your own business.