One of these things is not like the others: a man with his penis in a pasta sauce jar, porn, women’s stockings, a home-made sex aid and a Jack Russell Terrier. Can you guess which one?

All of these things were found in the car belonging to a man named Keith Roy Weatherley of Newcastle, New South Wales.

It all started when the police approached 46-year-old Keith’s car, because he was parked in a no-stopping zone. They found him fucking a pasta jar, basically. Instead of inviting the nice officers to a spaghetti with extra cheese dinner, Keith sped off. He led police on a 10-minute car chase before finally stopping.

Keith still refused to get out of the car, so the police used batons (sexy) and pepper spray on him. That shit was probably making that horny bitch creamier in the genital area, because he kept butt fucking the jar! I say “butt fucking,” because I don’t think pasta jars have vaginas. The police were finally able to get control of Keith and he was arrested.

He pleaded guilty to to offensive behavior, resisting police and disobeying a police direction. He was fined $600 and convicted of the other two offenses without further action taken. He told the judge that he was just trying to make himself decent for the officers.

I couldn’t find a picture of Keith, but I’m going to assume he looks a lot like this.

Keith should also have to pay for the years and years of intense therapy that Jack Russell Terrier is going to need. He won’t be able to look at a jar of Ragu the same way again!

And now I know why Spaghetti Cat prefers to eat his spaghetti WITHOUT the sauce.

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