Posts Tagged ‘self control’

Boredom. A thing people solve by simply finding something to do, weather that be playing video games, reading a book or calling a friend for a coffee.
But with sociopaths all this just means more boredom.
Boredom with sociopaths usually occures when they lack people’s emotions to reflect. But that’s not all. Merely reflecting is not enough. It might reduce that unstandable boredom, but to fully remove it a sociopath needs to play with those emotions.

This state of not being able to satisfy the crave for thrill striked me when I cut the contact with my old friends (Anna, Dan and the others from that pack). I had no problem in forming a new circle of people around me, but there was something I wanted to try with these new people.
I wanted to try and not plot any harmfull situations, but just try with hanging out with them as a normal person (the mask is the only thing I created and stopped on that). It soon proved as insufficient though.
Why bothering if there’s no satisfaction to gain; the satisfaction produced by seeing them do what I want and how I want.
But I decided to stay on that and see how long can it last.
In the period of just a few days the boredom came.
I found myself bothered in every sphere of life. I was unable to focus on studying less than before, I couldn’t stay at school for all classes and would just drop off and sit in a nearby café. I was nervous and unable to keep my temper in control for the slightest irritating events. So, I started plotting again, in my head only, still not putting anything into action. I even thought of getting back to Dan and start a serious war with him. I got more determined into slaughtering the neighbour’s dog, wanting to do it as soon as posible instead of waiting the perfect chance.
I became restless, stopped being able to sleep and, overall, got on a verge of being able to keep control. I was about to go on a rampage.
I’d look through the window for hours, with a scalpel in my hands, trying not to storm out for the dog. Focus and reasoning had withered away. That’s a monster I’ve mentioned in a post “A mirror reflection with no soul”. But, this is the form it takes when there is no depression involved.
In order to kill that boredom I’ve even considered going to the psychiatrist and toy with him as it would be an actual challenge to pull off. But I did not go after all.

And all of this just because an everyday thrill which came in small waves was cut off suddenly.
I stopped being able to hold my mask on due to the lack of patience. So, this was the point when all of the sanity was gone. It wasn’t fed regulary and it ran off like a dog would from its careless owner.

This was the point where I had decided I have to take control again. I was about to become a criminal. Stealing, menacing, and even a murder were now an active plans, not only something going on in my head.

Hayley told me I had become unbearable to be around, and had a monstruous spark in my eyes. It never occured this bad before. That’s when I said “screw it” and went back to manipulations.
I formed a completely new arrangement, setting it in the way of the highest exploitment of people I befriended possible. It was nothing serious, but it included financial and physical exploit. I needed them for a party I organised, and I had them to do all the job concerning preparation, with me only as an instructor.
It was enough for the start. I had a group of people under my thumb and it did help in regaining a certain dose of control. I settled down concerning serious crimes, it still wasn’t quite enough thoug, but I decided to wait with emotional exploit.

Although, the monster inside takes a long time and much effort to calm once it fully awokens.
There’s where you can recognise plain insanity. A bare desire to do harm to anyone possible.
A sociopath has self-determined principles, but they also get violated at the time of boredom. So, it is a killing factor in sociopath’s life.
I brought it onto myself though, so I had sources to prevent it, but if a sociopath falls under this without being able to find a solution soon enough they can easily give in to a serious criminal deed. It would include anything, starting from small theft to rape and murder even. The higher their aggression is and the longer it gets suppressed – the harder crime they may commit.

It is highly risky to engage into any private doings with the sociopath in this state, so if you have a sociopathic friend and notice these traits stay away until it settles and don’t go into any suspicious places he/she might suggest “to comfort his/her needs”. It doesn’t have to be dangerous, but for your own sake, wait a bit until that sociopath gets better, and gets down to the usual pattern of behavior again. But, distance in a descreete way, because if you cut the contact abruptly for no obvious reason for them, you might just point all of their rage at yourself. And you truly do not want that.