Welcome to the Friday installment Boob(s On Your) Tube. You’re here for Clarke and Lexa caressing each other’s thighs and hips, so I won’t ask you to linger on my words any longer than I must. (P.S. Billie Jean King guest starred on Fresh Off the Boat and it was a glory.)

Fresh Off the Boat

This week, the two youngest Huang children bring home the results of a career test intended to tell them what job is a good fit for their personality. Although Jessica is pleased with Evan’s result (Surgeon General), she’s less happy with Emery’s suggested career: flight attendant. After Louis sits the family down to watch Michael Chang compete in the Australian open, Jessica is quick to encourage Emery down the (potentially) more lucrative career path of being a professional tennis player.

“You boys are so lucky to have an Asian pro athlete to look up to. It’s way more than I had,” Louis says, flashing back to a memory of himself cheering for soccer referee Jin-Ho. Which, I’ve got to say — just under the surface of that slightly hyperbolic joke is a Really Real Thing. It reminds me of my dad’s sudden, intense interest in basketball once Jeremy Lin made it big. My unquestioning adoration of figure skaters Kristi Yamaguchi and Michelle Kwan. My younger brother’s pedantic insistence on reminding everyone he talked to about Tiger Woods’s multiracial Asian background. It’s A Thing. I appreciated it — just as I appreciated Louis’s earnest defense of tennis to his sons: “Are you joking? This is the greatest game known to mankind. It is a sport that is both aggressive and elegant, just like your mother.” So good!!

Even better, when Louis, Jessica and Emery go to the tennis court for practice, Billie Jean King is there! She’s in Orlando 183 days a year for tax purposes, and — after Emery dominates the Under-16 Regional Tournament and fires his parents as coaches — is willing to give free lessons to the emerging champ. The two get matching “success perms,” but decide to call it quits when Emery realizes that he doesn’t want to leave home just yet to pursue tennis as a full time career.

How to Get Away With Murder

This week on How to Get Away From Your Boyfriend we delve deeper into what exactly is going on with Wes, and we see how many times Frank can say he’s Laurel’s boyfriend until we stop believing it. Let me start out by saying there’s no new Eve footage or storyline in this episode and I’m really sad about it. Alas, someday.

Flashback: Annalise was defending a man named Charles Mahoney — who was accused of beating a woman to death in his office — early in her career. Wes’s mom, Rose, had been called to testify on behalf of the defendant in that case. Her story seems totally sketch, making references to things like rain and very specific details that a person typically wouldn’t typically remember. Annalise goes to prison talking with her client and it’s painfully obvious that he is totally lying and she knows it. It turns out Rose is the alibi and has clearly been paid off or threatened in some way.

Back in the present Connor is showing the video from Philip to Annalise. She’s not impressed: “I’m not even in this!” But then Connor asks nicely for her help and apologizes, so Anneliese relents. (Always remember your manners, folks.)

Now back to this dramatic scene with Frank and Laurel still in progress from last week’s episode, when Frank confessed to killing Lila. Laurel refuses to believe him and continues to blame it on Sam. (I would have, too, to be honest.) Laurel asks Frank why he did it and because he can’t bring himself to say who it was for, she still thinks he’s lying. Frank says he had to do it and then his phone rings: It’s Annalise, in more ways than one. Laurel has trouble absorbing all of this and decides to dip out on this week’s misadventure with the team and go to Ohio with Wes instead.

Frank storms into Anneliese’s house asking to see the video; everyone is frantic trying to decide what to do. Should they try to find Philip? (Are they going to try and kill him?) Anneliese thinks this whole thing is a trap and suggests they just wait it out. “Let mommy take care of it, like she always does,” she says, which is kind of weird but also kind of badass.

A second email has come in and this time shows the remainder of the team. Along with the second video is a demand for a million-dollar ransom in order to keep the video from going public. This time Connor calls Annalise “Mommy” and it’s really just weird when he says it.

I want to take this moment to point out that the picture of Frank on her phone is shirtless, like one of those pictures you get from every single dude on Tinder.

Also, oh man, Frank’s hair in the past! Do you think that’s what it really looks like under all that grease? With that thought and Sam walking into the room, I completely glazed over during this scene.

In an attempt to literally run away from her problems, Laurel wants to sneak Wes to Ohio so they can go snooping around to find out more about his mom’s death. And we find out how Wes’s name was changed. Apparently Wes got a new name from his foster family? There is something super out of the ordinary going on there.

Fkashback: Rose is being prepped for trial. Frank sends a particularly harsh line of questioning her way and it nearly scares her off. Rose agrees to testify, but only under the condition that she won’t be deported and that she’ll be able to testify anonymously. The old white dude in the corner is not too fond of this plan, and makes a very thinly veiled threat against Wes (or, I guess, Christoph?).

In the present Frank covers for Laurel, after which the word “boyfriend” is thrown around like half a dozen times. They go to meet Pratt’s boyfriend, Caleb, to get the rest of that ransom money and find details or some sort of leverage on Philip. He visits his sister, Kathryn, in prison and she admits to killing her parents… kinda. It’s unclear whether it’s a real confession or a guilt thing.

Out in Ohio, Wes and Laurel dig up all of the old files pertaining to the Mahoney case. Luckily we get to experience this through flashbacks and endless hours of legal documents. The prosecutor describes Mahoney as having been charged with beating of a woman to death. Annalise calls the characterization made by the prosecution bad fiction. Rose was set to be anonymous witness G34, but she never showed up because she dipped out of the bathroom while Frank wasn’t looking.

This is clearly a huge setback, but Annalise tries to play it down when old white dude shows up and tells Annalise that he picked her solely on her color and gender, against his better judgment, and then goes on to say something pretty racist. I hope his son lost the case.

In the present, Bonnie suggest letting this all fold in. Putting an end to all of this, Annelise laments the fact that she now has to deal with five adult kids. Annalise, clearly hates everyone now, but tells them to enjoy the night anyway cause with this group you never know what might happen.

In Ohio, Wes convinces himself that the trial got his mom killed, that someone (possibly old white man) had her murdered because she didn’t testify. He’s convinced that Annalise has felt guilty about this all along, and that’s why she helped him get into college, and added the fifth spot on her team, and protected him after murdering Sam.

Now over with Caleb and Pratt at the Mansion. They’re trying to sort out the tension they’ve been having. Pratt says, “We’ve seen each other naked; I think that means we know each other.” Which, as someone who’s been to a fair number of sexual parties can tell you: this is not necessarily true. Regardless they make up and do some heterosexual kissing.

Next Bonnie breaks up with Asher, even though she says they weren’t really even dating. Bonnie is totally broken up over this, but I’d say it’s for the better. Next in this sequence of makeups and breakups, Annalise decides to cook Nate dinner, and Connor suggests moving far out of town. Nate feels pretty suspicious about this meal. He seems to think Annalise has ulterior motives and makes an ass of himself both at the table and with his sorry excuse for an apology. They proceed to have the kind of argument that at least on television usually ends in sex. If that happened, it was only alluded to.

Frank sends three “I love yous” and continues to call, but Laurel wants nothing of it. She breaks down in the car, saying that Frank is just like her father. Wes tries to comfort her as best he can, but that leads to more passionate heterosexual kissing. Awkward.

Ten years in the past Annalise confronts Rose and says she worries about what might happen if she doesn’t follow through. More public records requests, and Wes find his mother’s police report from the night of her death. The police report and the coroner’s report say that it was a suicide, but Wes is not convinced.

At Annalise’s place Nate agrees with her and says not to negotiate with Philip. Not to give him an inch because his threats are empty and he has no real leverage. At this point another email comes in and it contains video of Nate and Annalise from the night before.

Philip is stalking everyone! Laurel thinks it was Wes who killed his mother. There seems to be a total breakdown of the group going on. Not to mention: What happened to the baby? Where is Eve? Could this show get anymore dense?

The 100

Headcanons can race like the speed of light. Every Thursday I think “Will this be the day they kiss?” or “Will this be the day they sleep together?” But in reality, Clarke and Lexa still have a long way to go. They want to be together, of course, but Lexa still has to command armies and Clarke is inexplicably determined to protect her people.

So the episode begins with our bookend couple. Clarke sits in a chair and sketches Lexa sleeping on the couch across from her. Just gals drawing pictures of pals. Lexa has a nightmare and wakes up terrified. Clarke goes over to her and puts her hand on Lexa’s thigh. She probably doesn’t remove her hand for half the scene but I’m not 100% sure because the camera rightfully so zooms in on their faces. Lexa says she had a dream foretelling doom because she declared a cease fire. Clarke assures her with a smile that she did the right thing and her legacy will be peace. Lexa is soothed by this and gets up and sees the drawing. Her face is flattered, surprised and hopeful that maybe she didn’t swear fealty to a woman who will never love her. Clarke shyly looks up at her. And this moment is ruined by Titus, of course.

Titus stares at them like he just interrupted them making out. Seriously, he looks terrified. Guards carry in a giant wooden box. It is a gift to Clarke from King Roan. Emerson is inside, beaten and screaming. He throws himself onto Clarke, frothing at the mouth. I thought the Ice Nation had turned him into a Reaper, but he’s just mad with grief. They pull him off and take him out of the room. Clarke refuses Lexa’s comfort, and stomps away.

Clarke meets up with Lexa and Titus later in the ceremony room. They tell Clarke Emerson’s sentence is her decision because he murdered her people in Mount Weather. Lexa reminds her that blood must not have blood but Clarke is like “Oh no, he should be dead. I’ll kill him.” Lexa is so hurt by this and confirms my fear: “I see. Blood must not have blood when it’s only my people who bleed.” Clarke and Titus try to justify it, but Lexa won’t listen. Heda knows what Heda means. Clarke has until sundown to decide Emerson’s fate.

Titus visits Clarke later and warns her that Lexa is in grave danger by not vowing vengeance. He says Clarke has to convince her to change her mind, or they will kill her. Clarke will not abide this war because of her people, but she does seem a little conflicted when he mentions Lexa’s death. I’d like to think she says no to Titus not because she doesn’t care, but because she respects Lexa so much she’d never make an agreement without her knowing. Titus doesn’t understand how pragmatic Clarke is and leaves pretty pissed off.

But when the time comes after sundown, Clarke cannot go through with killing Emerson. They both will have to go through their days with the memories of their crimes. Clarke will have to remember that she killed men, women, and children (including Emerson’s two children) in Mount Weather. And Emerson will be banished from the lands knowing he killed 49 SkaiKru. But Clarke is still The Clarke Griffin because she smiles at him and says “may you live forever.” Lexa is just as turned on as we are, you know.

Meanwhile, over in Arkadia, Raven is back to season one Raven Reyes. No pain, no insecurity, and she is practically beaming at all times. She’s now pro-City of Light and Jaha is passing out chips to all the converts. Jasper is so close to taking one, but Abby stops him. Jaha explains that the chip grafts onto people’s brainstem and stops pain receptors from firing. It also may cause him to forget he had a son named Wells. Whoops. Abby takes all the chips away until she can study any other side-effects.

Octavia and Kane team up to spy on Pike. Octavia is the brawn outside the walls spying on Pike’s patrols, and Kane is the brains directing her through the radio. It is amazing. They find out Pike wants to clear a village to start planting corn and soy beans. So of course they have to kill everyone in that village. Monty, Monroe and Miller’s boyfriend reluctantly agree. But when they and Bellamy arrive in the village, it’s empty because Octavia warned the grounders living there. Unfortunately, they had set a trap with flammable toxic tree sap. Octavia tries to warn Bellamy about the trap but Monroe is killed. The grounders want Octavia dead, Pike wants Octavia dead (even though they literally went to that village to kill everyone there). All she wanted to do was keep everyone safe. Why can’t anything go according to plan?

Lastly, Jaha and Alie ask Raven to load up Jaha’s backpack into the mainframe so they can find another AI. It was Alie’s sister AI and she was supposed to be up in space while Alie stayed on Earth. But there’s no trace of it in the network of the 12 ships. Jaha reveals there was a thirteenth space station but they blew it out of the sky to encourage Unity Day. What was this thirteenth station called? Polaris. Or POLIS. We see the remains of the station in Titus’s lair as he beats Murphy senseless. He wants to know how Murphy got one of Alie’s City of Light chips.

So are the grounders descendents of the 13th station and not actually “grounders” at all? Did this second AI distribute chips to all the grounders so that their city of light is actually their collective unconscious/afterlife? Will Lexa and Clarke finally admit their feelings to each other and together kill the treasonous Titus?

Heather Hogan is an Autostraddle managing editor who lives in New York City with her partner, Stacy, and their cackle of rescued pets. She's a member of the Television Critics Association, the Gay and Lesbian Entertainment Critics Association, and a Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer critic. You can also find her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

There are so many crazy theories going around on Tumblr about The 100 and how the Grounders and the Nightbloods specifically are related to ALIE v2.0 and Polaris, and each one seems both crazier than the last, but also TOTALLY PLAUSIBLE and this season is becoming so awesome and I’m so excited. There’s a short hiatus happening after episode 3.08, so my money is on Clexa kissing again by then 🙂

re: HTGAWM
Sadie, props to you for making sense of that ridiculous episode. I need more Frank and Laurel and explanations of why he killed Lila ASAP. That’s really all I care about right now tbh. Well, that and Eve coming back.

Re: Grey’s
I DON”T CARE ABOUT JAPRIL. God, that was such a boring episode. And then the very last scene, I thought it was finally over, they got divorced, don’t need to care about their relationship anymore, and then NOPE. She’s pregnant. Why are the most incompatible couples forced to stay together forever (Japril, Crowen) but Calzona actually breaks up?! Why are the lesbians the only couple that are actually allowed to be over for good!?

Yes, but LAUREL doesn’t know that. Right now, she thinks they killed a guy who turned out to be totally innocent of anything worse than adultery. We also don’t know WHY Frank did it for Sam. We don’t know what sort of leverage Sam had on Frank, or what Frank owed Sam, or if Annalise or Bonnie knew about any of it. That’s what I want to know.

-Damn it, Titus, you couldn’t wait with that freaking box? My Titanic moment was a few seconds away.

-I know that everybody wanted to see a happy Raven, but I must say that Kool-Aid Raven and her smiles are freaking me out.

-“May you live forever.” That was cold and cruel as shit. I loved it.

-I need some cool-down time: Polaris, the 13 station, Becca (the original Commander?), the tattoo on the back of Lexa’s neck, Titus role in all of this (you smell like a rat, Titus), etc. All of this is a bit much; my head is working overtime with so many theories.

I’m really happy that Clarke came around about Emerson, and that she listens to Lexa as much as Lexa listens to her. Not that either of them really made the decisions they made BECAUSE of one another, but more like both of them have the ability to make the other person stop and reconsider how their actions relate to their values.

Also the mythology stuff in this episode was on point, I’m excited for Clarke & Lexa stuff to crash into City of Light stuff. Aaron Ginsburg, one of the producers, said that the greatest weapon of this season was love, which is exciting to me.

I feel like I need to make a list of Clexa fanfiction tropes, just to have something to check off while watching this show.
So now it is:”Clarke draws Lexa, Lexa sees it, Clarke is shy about it.”check.
I’m wondering whether they’ll become college roomates/goth bandmates/have coffee, next.

That said, I can’t remember having ever been quite that terrified and certain about a lesbian character biting it.
It’s like it’s all Lexa can talk and I can think about.
Not quite without reason.
How many of the original hundred are left now, with Monroe, too, gone?

UGH YES. Like, in canon, I’m totally fine if she hooks up with Kane, it makes sense, whatever, I’m fine if Doctor Mechanic (or Motherfucker, as some in the fandom have termed this ship) remains just a fanfiction thing. But if they’re going to try to make Kabby happen they need to do something about the INSANE AMOUNT OF CHEMISTRY between Paige Turco and Lindsey Morgan. Because COME ON. That shit can be seen from SPACE.

Aw, I think Titus really does care about Lexa and worry for her safety. I see him as a worried dad. I saw somewhere people calling him and Gustus Lexa’s dads which I think is perfect. She’s already lost one and Titus is doing it all on his own now.

Oh and I REALLY hope there’s no Clexa sexytimes next week. Before you throw things hear me out! :O Next week is Lexa’s last episode before the break. There will be two or three episodes without her and then the hiatus. So if the sexy happens next week we will spend the whole damn thing with nothing but questions and worry. But if it hasn’t happened before the hiatus, even if Lexa is left in a perilous situation for the time being, we’ll have good stuff to look forward to. I find that much more bearable.

Also, we’ve had so much great Clexa so far this season that I don’t want to blow through it too fast. Spread it out a little. Let there be awesome Clexa all through the season, not just the first half, you know?

The success perms on Fresh Off the Boat were by far the hairstyle highlight of my tv week!!!

Greys:

This is an admittedly unpopular opinion, but I like April Kepner! I don’t like her with Jackson- I think they have chemistry of watching paint dry and I am perfectly happy to let the divorce stand so I never have to deal with them again. But April… maybe its because I can be my own version of a naive, geeky, shy, exasperating, overachiever- but I get April. And I’ve always admired her core strength.

I think April’s growth from shy, annoying, meek farm girl to super badass trauma surgeon to be one of the show’s most interesting character arcs. I always felt like the turn happens right after the shooter in season 6, first she remembered when the shooter was about to kill her to share personal details, it makes the assassin less likely to shoot (a life lesson I will never forget). Then, when Owen teaches them trauma protocol the next year, April is the only one take it seriously- she saves her dummy doll when everyone else gave up. Because she would never want what happened with the shooter to happen again. Final point, but I’ll never forget when she stood on top of the totaled car that she had dragged on a flatbed to the ER like a freakin’ superhero at the end of last season. I cheered from my couch.

So, TLDR: April is a “yay” for me. Jackson is a “yay” for me (if only because I love Jesse Williams). But April + Jackson is the one of the worst couplings on tv and I am glad it’s seemingly over.

Also, a part of me was being petty because the flashback over the relationship thing is TOTALLY A CALZONA TRAIT! They did it when Callie was on trial and did it again during their divorce episode. Can’t we have anything without heteros claiming it for themselves?? Grrrrr

I agree with everything you said. April has grown on me exponentially over the years. I especially enjoy her friendship with Arizona and hope we could get more of that. Arizona doesn’t have a lot of people who are not also Callie’s people.

My major problem with Japril as a couple is that Jackson always expects things in the relationship to be on HIS terms and when April does the opposite he throws the biggest tantrums and resents her for it. He’s got a lot of his mother’s less than pleasant traits and IMO he doesn’t deserve her. she would have been better off with the paramedic.

Jesse Williams has turned out to be the pretty awesome person and, if nothing else, an informed, articulate, impassioned black lives matter advocate who is willing to use his pop culture popularity for a bigger cause.

I say that because I don’t understand why a person who seems so great in real life got saddled with such a bratty spoiled character!!

We are in complete agreement- April would’ve been better off with the paramedic.

I totally agree on April Kepner post-shooting. Pre-shooting, I wanted to bite her head off every time she opened her mouth she was so annoying, but since she was named Chief Resident, and especially since the big circus party where her and Arizona became friends, she has really, really grown on me. The fact that Grey’s can make me like April Kepner after I hated her so much at the beginning is so indicative of the type of character transformations this show is capable of.

(Trying the new thing where I split long comments about different shows into different threads, thanks Allison! I learned the trick from you)

HTGAWM:

I would love to have a conversation with someone RE: Whether or not it counts as queer baiting to keep showing Eve saying “What did we do?” during the “Previously on…” segments that start the show if she’s not going to be in the actual episode.

On one hand, I am glad to see the show getting AS coverage, even without Eve in it every week, because it reinforces that a queer person is still queer, even when not currently in homosexual relationship. Like, if Callie started dating a dude after Penny, I wouldn’t expect the Greys recaps to stop, you know? So, following that logic- perhaps it can’t be queer “baiting” if there is already an active queer character? Maybe my heart just breaks a little because I miss Framke? And I know she must show up eventually, somehow. And probably soon.

On the other hand, why keep torturing me with Framke’s face if you aren’t going to make good on it? Not that I’m not enjoying the show, but it feels decidedly less gay than it did in the fall. First, no Framke. Second, even Connor and Oliver seem to be getting it on less 🙁

Moving on, I agree the first time Annalise said “Let mommy handle this”, it was kinda badass/ also a little creepy. The second time, when Connor says it back to her it teetered in the other direction.

I am the only one in my friend/family circle who thinks that Wes actually killed his mom and that this wasn’t a red herring! But c’mon, it makes total sense that kid Wes (Christophe) did it. He also killed Sam Keating. He also shot Annalise in the gut. This is a human with deep seeded trauma and rage issues.

Well many people write down deep seeded it seems when the phrase is supposed to be seated, but when I say them out loud they sound close.
And the way language works it may only be a matter of time before it deep seated becomes deep seeded.

Eh but you don’t kill your mother without something already being wrong. Then we have to consider why and whether or not a small slight 12 year old would be able to overtake an adult.

Yeah you are probably right. You wouldn’t kill your mother out of nowhere, something else would’ve had to be wrong first. But like I said, I’m the only one I know that believes Wes actually did it at all. So I fully accept that I am likely wrong in this instance.

Oh, Its totally queerbaiting. It is literally the same exact scene every week. I did read in a gossip mag where Viola Davis was talking about throwing her back out during a sex scene with the Nate Character, in that interview she said she would be having lots of sex with “lots of different kinds of people” but I don’t know if that means soon or down the line. I feel like Eve must have been involved in the suicide/murder case with Wes though so hopefully she’ll be back in some way soonish..

I agree that she has to show up! The very fact that the all too often used scene involves her saying, “what did WE do?” as opposed to her saying “What did YOU do?” Implies her active involvement in either the case or its cover up in someway.

Of course, I could be just tying to convince myself at this point. The show is doing little to inspire any confidence.

I don’t know if it’s queerbaiting or a Shonda set-up where we’re being told that Eve and Annalise’s past will be revealed in detail but can’t yet because it also involves Wes and we’re not allowed to see it yet? That part also annoys me because I’m very impatient and am like “YES WHAT DID Y’ALL DO PLS TELL ME”

From the end bit it did seem like Wes killed her but I’m hesitant to believe that’s true because the show likes to make you think you know something and then later on reveal you actually knew nothing at all so I’m waiting for confirmation/clarification. Wes killed Sam to protect Rebecca and he shot Annalise because frankly she is ruining all of their lives and who knows how many murders they will have witnessed/covered up by graduation(is anyone else wondering how they’re still in law school? Oliver mentioned he’s never seen Connor study…)but those weren’t vengeful they were fueled by something else but we’ll find out I suppose

Maybe 10 or 5 years ago, when subtext was all we have, this could work, but not anymore, I got tired with that kind of crap. Maybe the problem is that I’m not a very imaginative person or that I just prefer the real deal.

I’ve never had extensions, but I have braided the underside of my hair before and if I want to show them they have to be draped forward on my shoulders to be seen.
Also the weight of my braids keeps them kinda still and in front, but also I can “forward” braid them which I have no way to explain.
The only objects I’ve ever woven into a braid would be spring clover flowers, but I can hypothesize if I added something with real weight I’d rather have things rest on my shoulder from an underside braid than swing free in a forelock braid like I would a flower.

Octavia’s hair is pulled back in a style that is efficient for a warrior and I don’t think Clarke identifies (or the showrunners) as a warrior completely. I think it’s a way of trying to code her a Grounderized but not completely in their way.
She’ll be Wanheda ceremonially when the situation calls for it but not day to day.

The front of her hair doesn’t need to be as “distressed” for her to look Groundery tho. Just some underside braids and sectioning with maybe a brass bead that looks like something Lexa wears.

Clarke’s hair is awful. Pls let her get a dyke cut and be done with it.

I adore Lexa more each week? She is so bloody smart and wise and good and knows when she needs to back down and when she shouldn’t. The latter being the kind of leadership trait so sorely lacking in most leaders we’re stuck with in the real world.

I appreciate the dynamics of The 100 sooooooooo much, in that it is the only show I can think of that utterly centres women and women’s abilities as nuanced, thoughtful leaders. Like, if we contrast Clexa with Pike….the difference is just vast. I long for the day that Pike style leadership (i.e. Trump et al) are a far distant memory and people are elected for their commitment to peace and co-operation.

I felt like her acting was terrible at the start but it has gotten a lot better. There is a hilarious moment in s2 where she tells dude bro that if he goes back to the grounders he will be cut into a million pieces and then fed to the bugs. Meant to be dramatic but so funny.

I also feel uneasy about all of the city of light stuff and those chips. I need to have a legitimate idea or theory of what will happen otherwise I actually feel anxious and nauseous.