http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog.html
Dealing with Anxietyhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/9/Dealing-with-Anxiety
<p>Anxiety disorders are the most common mental concern in the United States, affecting 40 million adults in the United States age 18 and older, or 18% of the population every year. Approximately 8% of children and teenagers experience an anxiety disorder. Most people develop symptoms before age 21. Anxiety disorders are highly treatable, yet many who suffer with them do not receive treatment. A combination of genetics and environment are considered to be the main factors contributing to the cause of anxiety disorders.</p>
<p>Anxiety disorders often co-occur with other disorders such as depression, eating disorders, and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Anxiety treatments include medication, psychotherapy, and complementary health ...</p>Sun, 01 Sep 2019 08:00:00 GMTIs Your Spouse "Gaslighting" You?http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/9/Is-Your-Spouse-Gaslighting-You-
<p><span style="font-size: 12px;">As we conduct couple counseling, Elsie and I often hear from clients that they believe their spouse is trying to confuse them or tells them that they&rsquo;re losing their memory, or making things up, or going crazy. Counseling professionals call this form of abuse &ldquo;gaslighting.&rdquo; Rather than try to explain it in my own terms, the National Domestic Abuse Hotline defines it well with corresponding examples. Here&rsquo;s what they say on their website, </span><a href="file:///C:/Users/Irv/Documents/Hopewell%20Counseling/Hope%20Line/2019/09-19/www.thehotline.org" style="font-size: 12px;">www.thehotline.org</a><span style="font-size: 12px;">:</span></p>
<p style="margin-left:.5in;"><em>&ldquo;I never said that. You&rsquo;re making things up again.&rdquo;</em><br />
<em>&ldquo;Are you sure? You tend to have a bad memory.&rdquo;</em><br />
<em>&ldquo;It&rsquo;s all in your head.&rdquo;</em></p>
<p style="margin-left:.5in;margin-left:1.84615rem;">Does your partner repeatedly say things like this to you? Do you often start questioning...</p>Sun, 01 Sep 2019 08:00:00 GMTHow to Know the Will of Godhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/9/How-to-Know-the-Will-of-God
<p>When Elsie and I were newlyweds, I went to work for my dad and his advertising agency in Chicago, Illinois. I worked for him for a little over a year before I went off to basic training in the United States Air Force. Because Elsie and I lived in an apartment in Glen Ellyn, Illinois, it was convenient for my dad to leave his home in Wheaton, Illinois, pick me up, and keep on going down the Eisenhower Freeway into the city. The trip took approximately one hour depending on traffic levels. For one hour each way my dad would talk to me about customers, sales, promotion, product art and design, production, in short, how he did business and led an ad agency. It was my graduate course in business. I learned a ton! So much so that when my dad was ...</p>Sun, 01 Sep 2019 08:00:00 GMTWho's the Boss, me or God?http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/9/Who-s-the-Boss-me-or-God-
<p>Let&rsquo;s think theologically for a few minutes. Since God is sovereign He can do anything He pleases, right? As the King of the universe and the Creator of everything He has the right to rule His creation. He&rsquo;s the Boss! Romans 9:21 teaches us of this sovereign right in describing God as the Potter. &ldquo;Does not the potter have a right over the clay, to make from the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for common use?&rdquo; The answer demanded is, yes He does.</p>
<p>What about man? Don&rsquo;t humans bear responsibility for their decisions, good or bad? Yes, they do, but humans are not sovereign over the universe, God is. We have a free will and must bear the responsibility for our choices.</p>
<p>Consider this important ...</p>Sun, 01 Sep 2019 08:00:00 GMTSix Days or Millions and Millions of Yearshttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/8/Six-Days-or-Millions-and-Millions-of-Years
<p>Irv and I recently took a road trip to Kentucky where we visited the Creation Museum in Petersburg and the Ark Encounter in Williamstown. Both are sponsored by the Answers in Genesis ministry which is led by CEO and founder Kenneth Ham. Ken is an Australian Christian fundamentalist, young earth creation apologist, and he lives in the United States. Ken Ham&rsquo;s stated goal is to help and encourage Bible-believing Christians to know how to defend biblical creation.&nbsp; Both attractions present the salvation message and evidence that throughout God&rsquo;s Word points to salvation through Jesus Christ.</p>
<p>This was a long anticipated as well as outstanding inspirational experience. Irv and I are sign readers. With every turn through the Ark...</p>Thu, 01 Aug 2019 08:00:00 GMTBecoming Like My Idolhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/8/Wanted-An-Idol-to-Worship
<p>Whenever I hear the term &ldquo;idol&rdquo; my mind immediately conjures up the image of a large golden statue in the form of a distorted human with multiple arms. It probably goes back to images I&rsquo;ve seen of the idols worshiped in India. Most of us think of idols as statues made of silver or gold or carved out of wood usually in the shape of a human being but idols are more than physical statues, aren&rsquo;t they? Idols are anything we worship and which displaces the Lord as God in our lives. Surely, then, Christians should have no problem with idols since we worship the Lord God (YHWH). After all worshiping an idol is a violation of the second commandment, &ldquo;You shall not make for yourself an idol, or any likeness of what is ...</p>Thu, 01 Aug 2019 08:00:00 GMTThe Stress-Anger Connectionhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/8/The-Stress-Anger-Connection
<p>What is stress? Is all stress bad for us? What is the connection between stress and anger? How does anger trigger sexual acting out? These are important questions to answer.</p>
<p>First, what is stress? Stress is the body&rsquo;s natural reaction to demanding situations. Here&rsquo;s how the dictionary defines it: <em>a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances. </em>During stress response, your heart begins to race, breathing quickens, muscles tighten, and blood pressure rises. You&rsquo;ve gotten ready to act. It is how you protect yourself.&nbsp; So stress is our reaction to being threatened. Adrenalin, the &ldquo;fight or flight&rdquo; drug, is secreted by the adrenal glands when we are ...</p>Thu, 01 Aug 2019 08:00:00 GMTGrieving a Losshttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/8/Grieving-a-Loss
<p>A typical funeral mentioned in the Bible lasted for seven days or, in the case of important figures like Moses, for 30 days (Deuteronomy 34:8). They knew the importance of grieving and releasing emotions. After the loved one was buried, they put on sackcloth (think of the coarseness of burlap), covered themselves in ashes, threw dust in the air, wept copiously, and wailed at the top of their lungs. Talk about purging the pain of loss, they knew how to grieve!</p>
<p>We are much less demonstrative in our grieving today. In the traditional funeral service, upon the death of a loved one, instead of sackcloth, we usually dress in black or dark colors. We have a wake or visitation the day before the funeral service, and a funeral the next day. The ...</p>Thu, 01 Aug 2019 08:00:00 GMTFreedom Within: The Ministry of the Interiorhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/7/Freedom-Within-The-Ministry-of-the-Interior
<p>In his classic devotional book, <em>My Utmost for His Highest</em>, Oswald Chambers refers to what he calls &ldquo;the ministry of the interior.&rdquo; This ministry is the self work each person must do after receiving Christ in order to become more Christlike. It is the process of sanctification causing us to be conformed to the image of Christ from the inside out. Chambers describes it as a partnership between our inner selves and the Holy Spirit.</p>
<p>Are we ready to &ldquo;launch out into the priestly work of prayer?&rdquo; Chambers asks. &quot;The goal is to be free from our Christian self-centered focus and embrace the &ldquo;robust, simple life of the child of God.&rdquo;<sup>1</sup></p>
<p>The ministry of the interior requires much of us. It requires us to do ...</p>Mon, 01 Jul 2019 08:00:00 GMTThe Believer's Relationship to the Worldhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/7/The-Believer-s-Relationship-to-the-World
<p>You&rsquo;ve probably heard your pastor declare that believers are to be &ldquo;in the world but not of the world.&rdquo; What does that phrase &ldquo;in the world but not of the world&rdquo; mean? The term &ldquo;world&rdquo; has a number of definitions: lost people on the planet (John 3:16), the planet itself (<em>terra firma</em>) (Romans 8:22), and the Satanic value system embraced by the lost (1 John 2:15-17). The first part of the phrase, &ldquo;in the world,&rdquo; means believers swim in&nbsp; the same water as the unsaved. Until we go home to Jesus, we are pilgrims and aliens on earth. We are just passing through. Our true home is heaven.</p>
<p>The latter part of the phrase, &ldquo;of the world,&rdquo; means that we do not embrace the ungodly ...</p>Mon, 01 Jul 2019 08:00:00 GMTHow to Know For Sure if You're in Lovehttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/7/How-to-Know-For-Sure-if-You-re-in-Love
<p>With the advent of summer wedding season, a young man&rsquo;s thoughts turn to love. After all, his roommates are getting married. His best friend is getting married. Maybe he should do the same or at least be thinking about it. The second question which comes to mind (the first being, &ldquo;do you have someone in mind to marry?&rdquo;) is, &ldquo;how do you know if you&rsquo;re in love with this person?&rdquo; Here are seven clear, biblical signs that indicate you are truly in love with this person.</p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Attraction. </strong>There is an attraction to this person. You find this person attractive, yes, even beautiful. This may sound like a given, but it isn&rsquo;t. Many aren&rsquo;t attracted to the person rather they are attracted to the power, ...</li>...</ol>Mon, 01 Jul 2019 08:00:00 GMTAre You "Snarky?"http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/7/Are-You-Snarky-
<p>Are you a snarky person? What&rsquo;s a snarky person? A snarky person is one who gives a sarcastic, cutting, or biting response to questions or makes critical, cutting remarks about someone or something. Yes, snarky is a real word. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, &ldquo;Some have questioned whether snarky is a real word. There can be no doubt that it is; the adjective has been recorded in English since 1906. Its original meaning, &ldquo;crotchety, snappish,&rdquo; has largely been overtaken, however, by the far more frequently-encountered sense &ldquo;sarcastic, impertinent or irreverent.&rdquo;</p>
<p>Some learned to be snarky by growing up in families which made snarky remarks regularly and put others down by belittling them. For ...</p>Mon, 01 Jul 2019 08:00:00 GMTPassion and Purityhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/6/Passion-and-Purity
<p>Elisabeth Elliot put it this way, &ldquo;The love life of a Christian is a crucial battleground. There, if nowhere else, it will be determined as to who is lord: the world, the self and the devil, or the Lord Christ.&rdquo; (1)</p>
<p>Elisabeth returned to the United States with her young daughter in 1963. She became a well-known author and speaker. One of her focus topics was sexual purity. She wrote a book entitled, <em>Passion and Purity:</em> <em>Learning to Bring Your Love Life Under Christ&rsquo;s Control</em>. She wrote from the perspective of an earlier era when moral standards were clear and more biblically consistent.&nbsp; But she relates to those of the current culture as well. She presents God&rsquo;s timeless standards of purity without hesitation or...</p>Sat, 01 Jun 2019 08:00:00 GMTThe Value of Self-Talkhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/6/The-Value-of-Self-Talk
<p>Do you ever talk to yourself? Most of us do. Pro golfer, Tiger Woods, talks to himself while walking the fairway of a golf course. He coaches himself about the next shot he wants to hit. Self-talk is beneficial. It helps to hear yourself speak out loud (or in your head) what you are seeing, thinking, or feeling. It is a key part of emotional intelligence. Self-talk can lead to better practices and outcomes.</p>
<p>Would you be surprised to learn that self-talk is mentioned in numerous passages in the Bible? Yes, the practice of consulting with yourself or speaking to your soul is prevalent in scripture. Consider these few examples:</p>
<ol>
<li>Nehemiah 5:7-Nehemiah is angry when he hears of the usury and oppression of the poor by fellow Jews but before ...</li>...</ol>Sat, 01 Jun 2019 08:00:00 GMTWhat are Your Screech Marks?http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/6/What-are-Your-Screech-Marks-
<p>Most of you are familiar with weight loss and goal weights. So am I. It seems like I&rsquo;ve been on some form of weight control since I&rsquo;ve been in my forties. Elsie coined a phrase that has helped me. She calls her upper limit her &ldquo;screech mark,&rdquo; as in putting on the brakes with the accompanying screech sound of a hard stop. A screech mark is a boundary. It tells me that I have set a boundary on how much weight I will permit myself to weigh. If I hit the screech mark I&rsquo;ve got to put on the brakes and get back to sensible eating and exercise.</p>
<p>Screech marks can keep us from being mastered by a substance or behavior. First Corinthians 6:12 says, &ldquo;All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. ...</p>Sat, 01 Jun 2019 08:00:00 GMTStarving Your Sin Naturehttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/6/Starving-Your-Sin-Nature
<p>She died at 32 years of age. She was one of the great singing voices of the 20<sup>th</sup>&nbsp;Century. Who was she? She was Karen Carpenter who, together with her brother, Richard, formed the hit singing group, The Carpenters. Karen literally starved herself to death at age 32 (1950-1983). The official cause of death was listed as heart attack brought on by anorexia nervosa, a condition few knew or understood in the 1970s. Why did she starve herself? In high school someone called her &ldquo;fatty.&quot; Karen couldn&#39;t get that voice out of her head and it drove her to dieting. Her weight dropped from 145 to120 lbs. but then she kept losing weight. Food was the enemy. At the time of her death she weighed less than 90 lbs. Karen Carpenter starved...</p>Sat, 01 Jun 2019 08:00:00 GMTProfile in Courage: Elisabeth Elliothttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/5/Profile-in-Courage-Elisabeth-Elliot
<p>Elisabeth Howard and Jim Elliot were married on October 8, 1953 in Quito, Ecuador. They were missionaries to the Quichua Indian people. Their daughter Valerie was born in 1955. In October of 1955 Jim and Elisabeth along with four other missionary couples,&nbsp; Nate and Marj Saint, Roger and Barbara Youderian, Ed and Marilou McCully, and Pete and Olive Fleming began an outreach ministry, &ldquo;Operation Auca,&rdquo; to the remote and primitive tribes of Auca Indians. Although missionary efforts had made inroads with several people groups in Ecuador, the Aucas remained a group of &nbsp;tribes that had consistently repelled advances made by the white man. The Aucas were savage and dangerous. Yet, these missionaries were called and committed ...</p>Wed, 01 May 2019 08:00:00 GMTHow to Humble Yourselfhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/5/How-to-Humble-Yourself
<p>God delights in humility. Why? Because humility reflects a soft, tender heart that is willing to submit, is aware of the needs of others, and is teachable. It is modest and does not exalt self. Humility is difficult for us. Pride is our default setting. Humility, however, is the opposite of pride. Pride presents as a stiff-neck and a hard heart that will not bend the knee toward one in authority. Pride says, &ldquo;I can do this myself without anyone else&rsquo;s help. I know what to do so why should I ask God or anyone else for help.&rdquo; Humility runs to the cross to confess sins and receive forgiveness and cleansing. Pride defends sin and refuses to acknowledge it much less confess it.</p>
<p>In his letter to the scattered church, Peter ...</p>Wed, 01 May 2019 08:00:00 GMTConfronting Sinning Christianshttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/5/Confronting-Sinning-Christians
<p>Having been a pastor for over 30 years, I have had to do my fair share of confronting sinning brothers and sisters. Some confrontations have been humbly received and restorative. Others have been met with anger, defensiveness, denial, and blame-shifting. I have discovered that my role in confrontation is to &ldquo;speak the truth in love.&rdquo; I can&rsquo;t predict how the other person will respond nor can I control their emotions. I keep in mind that this is a person for whom Christ died and shed His blood. He or she is not the enemy but is a brother or sister in Christ. Also, I&rsquo;m not here to win an argument; I&rsquo;m here to win back a sinner.</p>
<p>What&rsquo;s the biblical basis for confronting sinners? Probably the most widely used...</p>Wed, 01 May 2019 08:00:00 GMTDefusing Angerhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/5/Defusing-Anger
<div>
As counselors, Elsie and I encounter our fair share of angry people in our practice. In order to learn best practice strategies for how to deal with angry people, we have taken seminars on anger management. One of the seminars we took is called, &ldquo;What&rsquo;s Good about Anger?&rdquo; It frames anger in a positive light as a powerful motivation for good.&nbsp; We learned a lot of practical skills to use with our angry clients to help them manage their anger positively instead of destructively. Here are seven biblical strategies we use to help our clients who struggle with anger. We teach them to:</div>
<ol>
<li>
<div>
Speak softly and gently..</div>
</li>
</ol>
<div>
<em>The quiet words of the wise are more to be heeded&nbsp;</em><em>than the shouts of a ruler of fools.</em>...</div>Wed, 01 May 2019 08:00:00 GMTThe Lamb of Godhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/4/The-Lamb-of-God
<p>The Last Supper eaten by Jesus and His disciples the night before He went to the cross was the Passover meal (Pesach in Hebrew) in remembrance of the night Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt. It is one of the most sacred and widely observed Jewish holidays. The Jews were instructed to mark the top and sides of their doorposts with the blood of an unblemished sacrifice lamb. When the death angel saw the blood, he passed over that house and did not kill the first born child in the house. First born animals were also protected by the blood. Death of the first born throughout the land of Egypt was the tenth and final plague sent by God against Pharaoh and Egypt. As a result of this plague, Pharaoh finally permitted the Hebrew slaves to leave...</p>Mon, 01 Apr 2019 08:00:00 GMTLessons from Ninevehhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/4/Lessons-from-Nineveh
<div style="text-align: center;">
Laura Woolf Houle</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Guest Columnist</div>
<p>I was recently listening to a devotional about Jonah and his unenthusiastic, reluctant mission to warn the city of Nineveh of pending damnation if they did not repent and turn their hearts back to God.&nbsp; Growing up in a Christian home and going to church and Sunday school each week, I had heard this story dozens of times.&nbsp; I&rsquo;ve always thought, &ldquo;Wow!&nbsp; Nineveh must have been a horrible place, filled with awful, devious, sinful, wretched people who probably deserved what they had coming to them.&rdquo;</p>
<p>As I listened to the devotional this past time, it struck me like a 2 X 4.&nbsp; America is Nineveh!&nbsp; The things they did are probably comparable to the things we are ...</p>Mon, 01 Apr 2019 08:00:00 GMTTransgenderism and Gender Fluidityhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/4/Transgenderism-and-Gender-Fluidity
<p>I read an article on one of the news feeds that Meghan Markle says she and her husband, Prince Harry, plan to take a &ldquo;fluid approach to gender&rdquo; when it comes to raising their child. Really? The idea is that Meghan and Harry will let their child choose with which gender, male or female (or genderless), he/she identifies. The royals are not the only ones choosing this way of raising their children. It is very trendy these days among millennials and Gen X&rsquo;ers.</p>
<p>Is transgenderism or gender fluidity possible and does the Bible say anything about them? Science tells us that no matter what is done to transgenderize the body through drugs, surgery, or dress, God has hard-wired men and women to be either male or female. Science ...</p>Mon, 01 Apr 2019 08:00:00 GMTAre Border Walls Biblical?http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/4/Are-Border-Walls-Biblical-
<p>Let&rsquo;s talk border walls. I know it&rsquo;s controversial but it&rsquo;s worth bringing the light of scripture to bear on all controversial subjects. I don&rsquo;t expect the secular media to base their views on the Bible but Christians can and should. The Bible should be our basis for information on all topics. God has spoken through His Word and we dare not ignore what He has to say.</p>
<p>Our president, Donald Trump, made a campaign pledge to build a border wall all along the southern border of the United States. Why would he make such a promise? Why is a border wall between the United States and Mexico needed? Here are my thoughts. The border wall is needed because hundreds of thousands of immigrants cross the border into the United ...</p>Mon, 01 Apr 2019 08:00:00 GMTLessons from the Titanichttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/3/Lessons-from-the-Titanic
<p>The Titanic set out from Southampton, England on April 10th 1912. Two stops were made at Cherbourg, France, and Queenstown, Ireland to pick up more passengers prior to the Titanic&rsquo;s final departure to New York. There were 2,240 souls on board on April 11th. She sailed the most direct route to New York through the North Atlantic and made good time until she reached a point about 400 miles south of the Grand Banks off the coast of Newfoundland. The Titanic was equipped with a telegraph, a relatively recent addition to ships and had been advised that there were icebergs in the vicinity, but the messages were mostly unheeded.<sup>1</sup> After all, the ship was &nbsp;&ldquo;unsinkable.&rdquo;</p>
<p>The Titanic carried some of the most important and ...</p>Fri, 01 Mar 2019 07:00:00 GMTAre You Conflict-Avoidant? What are the Signs?http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/3/Are-You-Conflict-Avoidant-What-are-the-Signs-
<p>You know who they are, don&rsquo;t you? They are people you know who avoid conflict at any cost. They are afraid of conflict even though counselors and psychologists tell us that conflict is a &ldquo;backdoor blessing.&rdquo; They say that because it forces us to face issues in our lives or relationships and make changes.</p>
<p>Let me say something up front, no one likes conflict.&nbsp; The issue, however, is not the conflict itself but how you handle the conflict. Conflict handled well can cause growth, resolution of problems, and deeper relationships. Conflict handled poorly can result in even greater division.</p>
<p>Facing conflict and dealing with it is risky. You risk alienating the other person, becoming emotionally out-of-control, doing or ...</p>Fri, 01 Mar 2019 07:00:00 GMTWhat I Look For in a Churchhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/3/What-I-Look-For-in-a-Church
<p>Like many of you, Elsie and I in the past have found ourselves in search of a new church. Finding a &ldquo;good&rdquo; church is hard. There aren&rsquo;t a lot of churches in our area that meet the criteria I list below. So though the pickins be slim, what should you and I look for in a church before settling in and calling it home? Here are seven criteria I look for in a church:</p>
<p>1.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Bible preaching. Does the pastor practice expository preaching of the Bible? What I mean by that is does he proclaim the meaning of a passage of scripture in the Bible and tell us how to apply it to our everyday lives? In my opinion the best type of expository preaching takes a book of the Bible and carefully proclaims the truth of...</p>Fri, 01 Mar 2019 07:00:00 GMTThe 6 Triggers of Sexual Sinhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/3/The-6-Triggers-of-Sexual-Sin
<p>All those struggling with sexual purity are vulnerable to sinning especially under certain conditions. We call these conditions &ldquo;triggers&rdquo; because they can lead (&ldquo;trigger&rdquo;) us to sexually act out.&nbsp; Sexual acting out becomes a form of medication that elevates your mood and makes you temporarily feel better. If you&rsquo;re a Christian, the sexual &ldquo;high&rdquo; wears off quickly and the feelings of guilt, shame, and self-condemnation flood in.</p>
<p>Perhaps you&rsquo;ve heard of the acronym <strong>H.A.L.T</strong>.?&nbsp; The letters H.A.L.T. are frequently used by Alcoholics Anonymous. AA says they stand for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired. These four are conditions which make those battling alcohol addiction particularly ...</p>Fri, 01 Mar 2019 07:00:00 GMTFinishing Wellhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/2/Finishing-Well
<p>He approached me as I walked toward the door; an old friend for many years. We embraced and exchanged pleasantries. Before parting he said, &ldquo;Irv, you are one of the few men I know who are finishing well.&rdquo; I was flattered by his words but a bit perplexed. What does it mean to &ldquo;finish well&rdquo; and why am I one of the few men to do it? I searched the scriptures to learn of others who finished well to gain insight on what the Bible would call &ldquo;finishing well.&rdquo;</p>
<p>Jesus was the first one to whom I went. If anyone finished well it was Jesus Christ. He lived a sinless, spotless life above reproach, completely keeping the Law. In the Garden of Gethsemane He prayed to finish well. &ldquo;My Father, if it is possible ...</p>Fri, 01 Feb 2019 19:00:00 GMTOur Two Greatest American Presidentshttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/2/Our-Two-Greatest-American-Presidents
<p>As soon as the Christmas decorations come down, the Valentine decorations go up. I love that! I love that there are still red decorations after Christmas. How drab everything would be if there were no red hearts.</p>
<p>February is also known for the birthdays of two famous presidents. Abraham Lincoln was born on February 12, 1809, and George Washington was born on February 22, 1732. Both men are pivotal pillars of American history. Both men were perfectly placed in the timeline of American history at just the right time. It is doubtful that any other men could have served our young nation as well. They were each born &ldquo;For such a time as this.&rdquo; (Esther 4:14) I believe it is appropriate that they are associated with the month of red ...</p>Fri, 01 Feb 2019 07:00:00 GMTWhat About Bob?http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/2/What-About-Bob-
<div>
<p>One of our favorite movies is &ldquo;What About Bob?&rdquo; the 1991 release starring Bill Murray and Richard Dreyfus. It&rsquo;s 29 years old but never ceases to make us laugh. We have watched it so many times that we know many of the lines by heart. The same fondness for the movie cannot be said of several of our psychologist friends. They despise it. They find nothing funny about it and, in fact, find it demeaning to their profession.&nbsp; Elsie and I don&rsquo;t. To have a sense of humor and an ability to laugh at yourself is a mark of mental health.</p>
</div>
<p>To give you a thumbnail synopsis of the movie, here&rsquo;s the official write up:</p>
<p style="margin-left:.5in;"><em>Before going on vacation, self-involved psychiatrist Dr. Leo Marvin (Richard Dreyfuss) has the ...</em>...</p>Fri, 01 Feb 2019 07:00:00 GMTThe Last Supper of First Platoonhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/2/The-Last-Supper-of-First-Platoon
<p>We began meeting as a group in October 2002. Twelve scared men gathered at a church to be led by a scared sergeant. We were the first purity platoon of the men&rsquo;s purity ministry, Every Man&rsquo;s Battle For Purity. As their sergeant I had led one previous group of men in the fall of 2001. I was long on zeal but short on experience. We lost one man the first week and were down to 11 men in November. We also had one man pray to receive Jesus Christ as Savior in week three! Over the 16 weeks of purity platoon something unusual happened. Men bonded! They were not about to stop meeting after purity platoon ended. They had shared the deepest, darkest secrets of their lives and had experienced community with one another. So the platoon ...</p>Fri, 01 Feb 2019 07:00:00 GMTAll Things Newhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/1/All-Things-New
<p>I don&rsquo;t write anything on my new wall calendar before January 1st. I like to see all the blank pages and squares when we first put it on the wall. Soon the pages fill up and sometimes begin to look messy with corrections and lots of entries, but for a brief time I am able to enjoy the freshness of 365 days of an uncluttered schedule. There is something exciting and refreshing about embarking upon a new year with empty calendar pages waiting to be filled. It is exciting yet also concerning as we face the start of a new year that will bring both good and bad things into our lives. There will be happiness and sorrow, pleasure and pain, good experiences and difficult ones. Sometimes we are sad to see the previous year end, and sometimes ...</p>Tue, 01 Jan 2019 07:00:00 GMTDesires versus Goalshttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/1/Desires-versus-Goals
<p>January is a wonderful time to chart a new path for yourself. Some call that new path new year&rsquo;s resolutions or new year&rsquo;s goals. I call them desires. I group my desires in 7 buckets all beginning with the letter &ldquo;F&rdquo;: 1. Faith, 2. Family, 3. Finances, 4. Function, 5. Fitness, 6. Friends, 7. Fun. Into each bucket I identify desires I&rsquo;d like to see happen in the new year. I often come up with as many as 45 desires. Here&rsquo;s the key. If I accomplish even 1 of those 45 desires, I&rsquo;ve had a successful year. Desires are not the same as goals.</p>
<p>Neil T. Anderson, in his book, <em>Victory Over the Darkness, </em>defines a godly goal as &ldquo;any specific result reflecting God&rsquo;s purposes for your life that does ...</p>Tue, 01 Jan 2019 07:00:00 GMTWrestling with Godhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/1/Wrestling-with-God
<p>Ever wrestled with God? Since that&rsquo;s not physically possible, wrestling with God takes the form of wrestling in prayer or wrestling in your soul. Perhaps you&rsquo;ve wrestled with God over taking a job or buying a house or marrying someone or a wayward child or friend. Wrestling with God is not fun or pretty. Sometimes wrestling with God happens when He asks us to do something we are afraid to do. Sometimes we fear the consequences to our reputation, finances, lifestyle, or family. Fear is a primary motivator for wrestling with God. We wrestle with Him because we&rsquo;re afraid of something or someone.</p>
<p>That was the case with Jacob. He had fled from his brother, Esau, to live with his uncle Laban in the city of Haran. He left under ...</p>Tue, 01 Jan 2019 07:00:00 GMTFriday Night Fight-January 18, 2019http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2019/1/Friday-Night-Fight-January-18-2019
<p>Sandstone Evangelical Free Church in Sandstone, MN will be hosting Friday Night Fight, an event with a focus on men&rsquo;s sexual purity. Dr. Irv Woolf, Director of Hopewell Counseling, will be the guest speaker. The event will take place on Friday evening, <strong>January 18, 2019 at 6:30 pm.</strong> Irv&rsquo;s message is titled <em>The Battle For Purity</em>. The evening will begin with a meal. There is a suggested donation of $7.00 to cover the cost of the meal; however, please attend even if you can&rsquo;t afford the $7.00.</p>
<p>The deadline to confirm that you&rsquo;d like to attend is Thursday, January 17, 2019. Please call the church office by noon so an accurate count can be obtained for ordering food. The phone number for the Sandstone Evangelical Free ...</p>Tue, 01 Jan 2019 07:00:00 GMTThe Most Wonderful Time of the Yearhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/12/The-Most-Wonderful-Time-of-the-Year
<p><em>The Most Wonderful Time of the Year</em>is a popular Christmas song written by Edward Pola and George Wyle in 1963. It was sung by Andy Williams and appeared on the <em>Andy Williams Christmas Album</em> that year. The lyrics are happy and cheerful but do not mention the true meaning of Christmas. Is this song celebrating the time of year without knowing or caring why?</p>
<p>Christmas really is a happy time of year. Christmas time has a personality all its own&mdash;whether or not people acknowledge the birth of Jesus. There are so many things to look forward to at Christmas, e.g. family and friends, gifts, parties, traditional foods and yummy treats, just to name a few. But how empty it is without the reason for the season.</p>
<p>For some, Christmas time is not ...</p>Sat, 01 Dec 2018 07:00:00 GMTRetail Therapyhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/12/Retail-Therapy
<p>It seems like we move straight from Halloween to Black Friday to Christmas. Little mention is made of Thanksgiving other than it is the precursor to Black Friday. Some call this holiday shopping frenzy &ldquo;retail therapy&rdquo; because shopping and buying things elevates the mood and makes us feel better. Merchants love retail therapy because for them it&rsquo;s all about the money. Many merchants (as well as churches) depend on yearend sales (or giving) to finish the fiscal year in the black</p>
<p>Retail therapy and buying stuff (most of which we don&rsquo;t need) cannot fill the hollow place in our hearts. Our hearts were made for God and nothing and no one else can fill the void. As Saint Augustine of Hippo wrote, &ldquo;You have made us ...</p>Sat, 01 Dec 2018 07:00:00 GMTThe Fallout of Sinhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/12/THE-FALLOUT-OF-SIN
<p>Don&rsquo;t you long for public figures: politicians, Hollywood stars, athletes, and others to repent, come clean, and openly confess their sin? I long for a public figure who&rsquo;s guilty of a sin to say, &ldquo;Yes, I did that. I&rsquo;m so sorry. Will you forgive me? I don&rsquo;t ever want to do that again.&rdquo; I think I&rsquo;d pass out if I ever heard one of the powerful say that. What prevents them and us from doing that? The number one reason is pride. Our pride refuses to come clean. That&rsquo;s not all. Fear is right up there as a reason for not publicly confessing sin. We fear the consequences if we admit to what we&rsquo;ve done.</p>
<p>Those reasons and others are described in Genesis 3 in the Bible. After Adam and Eve ...</p>Sat, 01 Dec 2018 07:00:00 GMTFOMOhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/12/FOMO
<p>If you&rsquo;re under 40 you probably are familiar with the acronym FOMO. It&rsquo;s the abbreviation for Fear Of Missing Out. It&rsquo;s such a compelling fear that millennials and generation Zers stay glued to their cell phones, checking their social media accounts lest they miss out on something important in their social sphere. Americans aren&rsquo;t the only ones afflicted with FOMO. When Elsie and I were in England for a wedding, British radio calls those with FOMO, &ldquo;cell phone zombies.&rdquo; These are young people so busy checking their social media accounts for new information that they are oblivious to their surroundings and walk into other people, light poles, even traffic. Some have died.</p>
<p>What&rsquo;s the driving force ...</p>Sat, 01 Dec 2018 07:00:00 GMTHow to Keep Stress from Ruining Your Marriagehttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/11/How-to-Keep-Stress-from-Ruining-Your-Marriage
<div>
<p>Another term for stress is pressure. It&rsquo;s the pressure we feel when we have too much to do and too little time in which to do it. It&rsquo;s the pressure of expectations to fulfill, deadlines to meet, budgets to balance. Usually pressure is directly tied to time. Time pressure causes stress. Pressure can also result from a toxic relationship, a relationship in which we walk around on eggshells never knowing what will trigger the anger of another. Dr. Greg and Erin Smalley write profoundly about stress in their premarital text, &ldquo;Ready to Wed&rdquo; (2015, Focus on the Family). Before I write about how to deal with stress and actually grow stronger through it, let me list all the <em>unhealthy </em>ways couples deal with marital stress ...</p>...</div>Thu, 01 Nov 2018 08:00:00 GMTThe Essence of Thanksgivinghttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/11/The-Essence-of-Thanksgiving
<p>In September of 1620, 102 pilgrims embarked from England aboard the <em>Mayflower. </em>Their intent was to establish a settlement in the Hudson River area of the recently established Virginia Colony. After a sixty-six-day journey they made landfall approximately 150 miles north of their target at the eastern tip of Cape Cod in present-day Massachusetts. They explored the area for about a month and then sailed further west to the mainland at present-day Plymouth. It was here that they decided to establish a new homeland. The pilgrims were puritans and were not in agreement with King James I and the Anglican Church of England. They were not free to worship God according to their puritan faith.<sup>1</sup></p>
<p>William Bradford was a prominent member of the pilgrim ...</p>Thu, 01 Nov 2018 08:00:00 GMTCan I Get a Connection?http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/11/Can-I-Get-a-Connection-
<p>As you watched one of the ubiquitous car commercials on television or your tablet you probably heard in the background the chorus of One Republic&rsquo;s hit song, &ldquo;Can I Get a Connection?&rdquo; It&rsquo;s pretty catchy though a bit repetitious, &ldquo;Can I get a connection? Can I get, can I get a connection? Can I get a connection? Can I get, can I get a connection?&rdquo; What does the song writer want? He wants to connect with somebody in a meaningful relationship. Read the first stanza of the song and you&rsquo;ll sense the desperation behind the words of the chorus:</p>
<p style="margin-left:.5in;"><em>These days my waves get lost in the oceans<br />
Seven billion swimmers, man I&#39;m going through the motions<br />
Sent up a flare, I need love and devotion<br />
Traded for ...</em>...</p>Thu, 01 Nov 2018 08:00:00 GMTFriday Night Fight on November 30, 2018http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/11/Friday-Night-Fight-on-November-30-2018
<p>Jubilee Community Church in Minneapolis will be hosting Friday Night Fight, an event with a focus on men&rsquo;s sexual purity. Dr. Irv Woolf, Director of Hopewell Counseling, will be the guest speaker. The event will take place on Friday evening,&nbsp;<strong>November 30, 2018 at 6:30 pm.</strong> Irv&#39;s message is titled <em>The Battle For Purity</em>. The evening will begin with a meal. There is a suggested donation of $7.00 to cover the cost of the meal; however, please attend even if you can&rsquo;t afford the $7.00.</p>
<p>The deadline to confirm that you&rsquo;d like to attend is <strong>Thursday, November 29</strong>. Please call Frank Schmidt at Jubilee Community Church&nbsp;<strong>715-937-0064&nbsp;</strong>by noon so an accurate count can be obtained for ordering food. You can also RSVP to ...</p>Thu, 01 Nov 2018 08:00:00 GMTDancing with a Narcissisthttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/10/Dancing-with-a-Narcissist
<p>Couples usually come for counseling with a surface presenting problem. It could be an affair, addiction, abuse, anger, parenting concerns, integrity issues, or basic communication problems. We use assessments to identify surface areas of conflict as well as deeper personality issues. The surface issues can be challenging. to be sure, because old habits are hard to change, but the personality issues are by far most difficult and resistant to change.</p>
<p>In marriage counseling, one and sometimes both have narcissistic tendencies or even narcissistic personalities. Marriages where both husband and wife are narcissists usually do not survive. When one person is a narcissistic there is a &ldquo;dance&rdquo; or style of relating to each other that ...</p>Mon, 01 Oct 2018 08:00:00 GMTWhy Men Strive for Significance and Women Strive for Securityhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/10/WHY-MEN-STRIVE-FOR-SIGNIFICANCE-AND-WOMEN-STRIVE-FOR-SECURITY
<p><strong>Introduction</strong></p>
<p>Young men are driven to conquer:&nbsp;school, the woman, business, a sport or task. Some men even conquer their food when they eat!&nbsp;Young men want to conquer. Why? To conquer is to succeed but somewhere along the way young men grow older and come to realize that significance means more than success. Let me explain.</p>
<p>I would contend that young men and women are striving for SUCCESS but as they get older their striving for success turns to searching for SIGNIFICANCE (men) and searching for SECURITY (women).</p>
<p><strong>Men, Success, and Significance</strong></p>
<p>Definition of Success (Merriam-Webster Dictionary) is obtaining &quot;a favorable or desired outcome.&quot; In our world success is measured by the Big 3: FAME, POWER, WEALTH. There is a ...</p>Mon, 01 Oct 2018 08:00:00 GMTThe Family Meetinghttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/10/The-Family-Meeting
<p>Deep down everybody knew that mom needed to leave the family home. She could no longer keep up with all the work but who would convince her to move? On top of that, the family was divided. Some family members wanted to see her stay in the home and hire help for her. Some wanted to move her into an apartment or townhouse. Some wanted to skip the in between steps and move her directly into a senior assisted living center. How would they ever resolve this dilemma especially since emotions on the subject were running so high? This scenario is faced by countless thousands of families every year as the parents of Baby Boomers age. A family meeting could be a great and positive answer.</p>
<p>What is a family meeting?&nbsp; A family meeting is a ...</p>Mon, 01 Oct 2018 08:00:00 GMTChristian Parenting Class Begins October 10, 2018http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/10/Christian-Parenting-Class-Begins-October-10-2018
<p align="center"><strong>CHRISTIAN PARENTING CLASS BEGINS <span style="color:#ff0000;">OCTOBER 10, 2018</span></strong></p>
<p>Yes, that&rsquo;s right. The Christian parenting class, <em>Growing Kids God&rsquo;s Way, </em>begins in less than two weeks but you can still register! Openings are available for the class but you must make a decision and act quickly.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p>
<p><em>Growing Kids God&rsquo;s Way&nbsp;</em>was the first major parenting curriculum written for the Christian community and has served over two million households. The principles contained in this curriculum are biblical and have stood the test of time.&nbsp;<em>Growing Kids God&rsquo;s Way</em> provides parents hope, encouragement and practical instruction in their duty of raising morally responsible and biblically responsive children. The curriculum serves parents of ...</p>Mon, 01 Oct 2018 08:00:00 GMTParenting 101: First Time Obediencehttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/9/Parenting-101-First-Time-Obedience
<p>First time obedience? Really? Is there such a thing these days? Is it even appropriate to teach obedience or do we want to encourage children to make their own choices?</p>
<p>The child rearing years are typically the most challenging years of a marriage. Parenting is a full time occupation for which most people are not adequately prepared. Without instruction, the tendency is to duplicate how we were parented (with the underlying assumption that we turned out &ldquo;Okay&rdquo;) or to choose the opposite parenting style. For example, if someone was raised by excessively rigid parents, that person may choose a more permissive parenting approach. If someone was raised with too little guidance, they may choose a more structured and strict parenting...</p>Sat, 01 Sep 2018 08:00:00 GMTSubmission: Bending the Knee to Authorityhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/9/Submission-Bending-the-Knee-to-Authority
<p>Dr. Neil T. Anderson writes, &ldquo;We live in rebellious times. Many people sit in judgment of those in authority over them and they submit only when it is convenient or they do so in the fear of being caught&rdquo; (<em>Steps to Freedom in Christ</em>, p. 14). The truth is it is sometimes difficult to submit to those in authority with whom we disagree or who are poor leaders but the Bible requires us to submit to all in authority over us. &ldquo;The only time God permits us to rebel against authority is when they require us to do something morally wrong or attempt to rule outside the realm of their authority&rdquo; (<em>Steps</em>, p. 14). As a rule, God does not bless rebels.</p>
<p>One definition of submission is &ldquo;to allow God to lead us through other ...</p>Sat, 01 Sep 2018 08:00:00 GMTDo You Cherish Your Spouse?http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/9/Do-You-Cherish-Your-Spouse-
<p>Elsie and I celebrated our 50<sup>th</sup> wedding anniversary this year. Yep, we got married in 1968. I was the ripe old age of 22 and Elsie 21. We were very young, very immature, and selfish. By the grace of God we stayed together and grew each other up. One reason why we stayed married through all the ups and downs of our marriage is we took our wedding vows seriously. When the minister asked us to repeat after him, &ldquo;I, Irv/Elsie, take thee, Irv/Elsie, to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God&#39;s holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth,&quot; we meant every word...</p>Sat, 01 Sep 2018 08:00:00 GMTNEW!! Parenting Class Starting This Fallhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/9/NEW-Parenting-Class-Starting-This-Fall
<p>Who taught you how to parent your children? You probably didn&rsquo;t learn it in school. Did you learn how to parent from your mom and dad? Did you learn by &ldquo;trial and error?&rdquo; Parenting the next generation is a daunting task indeed. All of us need help in learning how to do it biblically. We want to reach the hearts of our children, not simply get external compliance. Elsie and I want to come alongside you and help you do that.</p>
<p>We are launching the biblical parenting class, <em>Growing Kids God&rsquo;s Way.</em> Originally released in 1986 and updated in 1996, the&nbsp;<em>Growing Kids God&rsquo;s Way</em>&nbsp;Series 5th edition, (DVDs and Workbook)&nbsp;was the first major parenting curriculum written for the Christian community, and has ...</p>Sat, 01 Sep 2018 08:00:00 GMTAre You Wise or Are You Foolish?http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/8/Are-You-Wise-or-Are-You-Foolish-
<p>Simply stated, wise people learn from their mistakes and fools do not. The Bible says that foolishness is in the nature of a child (Provides 22:15). It is the responsibility of parents to train their children in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6) and teach them righteous and responsible attitudes and actions. The foolishness of a child is often childishness &mdash; meaning that they naively do wrong things because they haven&#39;t been trained to know better. Childishness can cause accidents, including serious accidents, so it is important to instruct our children concerning childish behavior.</p>
<p>Consequences help us learn, so even for childish accidents, corrective action must be taken. For example, if a stray baseball accidentally ...</p>Wed, 01 Aug 2018 08:00:00 GMTIs Demon Possession Real?http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/8/Is-Demon-Possession-Real-
<p>Modern psychology does not acknowledge the existence of the demonic. There are no categories in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-V) for demon possession. Secular psychologists choose to label those manifesting symptoms of the demonic as having Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), formerly called Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD). As Mayo Clinic reports, DID is rare (under 200,000 in US per year), incurable (treatment can help but not cure), chronic (lasts a lifetime), and requires a medical diagnosis. Symptoms of DID include fragmentation into two or more distinct personality states (alters) and often memory loss. Most psychologists attribute the cause of DID to childhood abuse.</p>
<p>Interestingly...</p>Wed, 01 Aug 2018 08:00:00 GMTCome Partner with Hopewell Counselinghttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/8/Come-Partner-with-Hopewell-Counseling
<p>Hopewell Counseling is an L.L.C., a Limited Liability Corporation. We are not a 501(c)(3), tax-exempt corporation. This means that we cannot issue tax-deductible receipts for donations. What this does not mean is that folks cannot donate to Hopewell Counseling. They simply would not be able to claim their donation as a tax-deductible gift on their income tax form.</p>
<p>Why does Hopewell need donations anyway? Good question. Many of our clients are either unemployed or underemployed and simply do not have the financial resources to afford counseling even though they desperately need it. We ask them to apply for financial assistance using a scholarship form. They humble themselves and comply. We reward their humility by providing a portion of ...</p>Wed, 01 Aug 2018 08:00:00 GMTRecovering Lost Lovehttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/8/Recovering-Lost-Love
<p>We see many couples in counseling who have tunnel vision. What I mean by that is all they can see are the things wrong with their partners. It&rsquo;s like they have their hand about one inch in front of their eyes and all they can see is the bad. If they took away their hand from their eyes they&rsquo;d see all the good things which they love about their partner. Because of the hurt and the pain of the bad things, they often announce to their partners that they no longer love them. In fact some will even go so far as to declare that they want a divorce. Really? Is marriage built solely on love? That&#39;s a pretty fickle foundation. Love is certainly a big part of why we marry, but it shouldn&rsquo;t be the only or even the biggest reason....</p>Wed, 01 Aug 2018 08:00:00 GMTLessons from the Couchhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/7/Lessons-from-the-Couch
<p>We have a red loveseat couch in our office at Hopewell Counseling. Couples who come for marriage counseling typically sit together on the couch while Irv and I sit on chairs facing them. As we counsel with them, we are hopeful that they will gain insight into their situation and that they will learn some new ways of relating to each other and better ways of handling problems and concerns.&nbsp;</p>
<p>During the past four weeks I have been learning some lessons myself &ndash; not from the red couch in our office but from our couch at home. I have been spending a lot of time there due to a significant injury to my right shoulder from a fall on Memorial Day. I think it is important not to waste the pain, and I think it is interesting that some of ...</p>Sun, 01 Jul 2018 08:00:00 GMTThe "Reckless" Love of God? Really?http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/7/The-Reckless-Love-of-God-Really-
<p>The number one song on the contemporary Christian music charts is &ldquo;Reckless Love&rdquo; written by Caleb Culver, Cory Asbury, and Ran Jackson and published by Bethel Music. You&rsquo;ve probably heard it on a Christian radio station. It has some wonderful lyrics:</p>
<p style="margin-left:1.0in;"><em>Before I spoke a word, You were singing over me<br />
You have been so, so good to me<br />
Before I took a breath, You breathed Your life in me<br />
You have been so, so kind to me</em></p>
<p style="margin-left:1.0in;"><em>Chorus:</em></p>
<p style="margin-left:1.0in;"><em>Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God<br />
Oh, it chases me down, fights &#39;til I&#39;m found, leaves the ninety-nine<br />
I couldn&#39;t earn it, and I don&#39;t deserve it, still, You give Yourself away<br />
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God, yeah</em></p>
<p>We sing it at our ...</p>Sun, 01 Jul 2018 08:00:00 GMTFreedom is Not Free!http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/7/Freedom-is-Not-Free-
<p>Signed in convention on September 17, 1787. and ratified June 21, 1788, the preamble to our constitution is a masterpiece of power and brevity. Here&rsquo;s what it says,&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</p>
<p><em>We the People of the United States, in Order to ...</em>...</p>Sun, 01 Jul 2018 08:00:00 GMTThe Law of Jantéhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/7/The-Law-of-Jant-
<p>When Elsie, the children, and I moved to Minnesota from California in 1982, we were taken on a driving tour of the west metro by one of the couples on the call committee of the church. We had moved into the comfortable parsonage but were unfamiliar with how to get from there to the church. So the goal of the tour was to acclimate us to our surroundings, show us the nearest supermarket and gas station, and help us navigate our way to the dentist&rsquo;s office (one of the kids had an abscessed tooth). The couple pointed out various sites and the tour was informative if uneventful except for a remark by the husband. He pulled me aside and said to me that coming from California I was in for a culture shock. The culture in Minnesota was unique ...</p>Sun, 01 Jul 2018 08:00:00 GMTThe Inestimable Value of Fathershttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/6/The-Inestimable-Value-of-Fathers
<p>This month I want to honor and encourage fathers. I also want to challenge Dads to the very high standard of their God-given responsibility to their children. &ldquo; . . . Children are a gift of the Lord . . . like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one&rsquo;s youth.&rdquo; (Psalm 127:3) Parenting is hard work, but God is faithful to supply all that we need to parent well and aim our children like arrows towards knowing Jesus. Children are a precious treasure that we are called to steward well. When they are grown, they will represent us and the Lord well or they will not. The formative years of childhood pass quickly and fathers and mothers must be diligent in how they mold the precious lives entrusted to them. ...</p>Fri, 01 Jun 2018 08:00:00 GMTSoul Resthttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/6/Soul-Rest
<p>The statistics I&rsquo;ve read indicate that Americans are not getting sufficient sleep. The average in 1942 was 7.9 hours of sleep/night. The current average is 6.8 hours of sleep/night. 43% of American say they would feel better if they got more sleep. Not surprisingly, older adults got more sleep and 20-30 year old adults with children under 18 got the least amount.</p>
<p>Why does it matter whether we get 5 hours (like Winston Churchill) or 8 hours? Again research has shown that if we are shortchanging ourselves on sleep we will be less efficient and more irritable. Our brains will not be as nimble and our response times will be longer. This means that we will be less able to concentrate, more prone to making mistakes at work, and more likely...</p>Fri, 01 Jun 2018 08:00:00 GMTWhat I Learned from 13 Years of Leading a Sexual Purity Ministryhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/6/What-I-Learned-from-13-Years-of-Leading-a-Sexual-Purity-Ministry
<p>One of the most beneficial courses I took at Denver Seminary in 2001 was on addictions. I learned about sexual addiction and alcohol and drug addiction. It was very interesting and highly applicable. In order to work with clients who struggled with these addictions, we were required to deal with our own &ldquo;stuff.&rdquo; I had to face my own struggles with pornography and the sexual sin in my family-of-origin.</p>
<p>On the drive home from that summer course, the Lord gave me a vision of a ministry to men who, like me, battled sexual sin. The vision was in my head and heart. It had a military theme and encompassed two stages, a catalytic event, The Battle, and a small group ministry, a Purity Platoon. In sharing the vision with my mentor, Dr. ...</p>Fri, 01 Jun 2018 08:00:00 GMTThe Face of Faithfulnesshttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/6/The-Face-of-Faithfulness
<p>Few of you have ever met the man in this article. His name is Nolan Wike. I have known Nolan for the past 20 years. By trade, Nolan is a firewall expert in the computer field. In ministry, he was part of First Platoon when the purity ministry began in 2002. He is a member of The Grove Church in Maple Grove, MN and serves on the tech team on Sundays and for special events. He also volunteers to provide tech support for several theater groups in the Twin Cities.</p>
<p>Nolan was a sergeant for a number of years leading purity platoons as well as the tech master for the National Coalition For Purity. Nolan and I traveled to churches all across Minnesota helping churches to launch Battles for their men. Finally, Nolan served on the board of the ...</p>Fri, 01 Jun 2018 08:00:00 GMTThe Value of Godly Mothershttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/5/The-Value-of-Godly-Mothers
<p>Mothers have one of the most important and challenging jobs in the world. The daily duties of a Mom include: housekeeper and home manager, dietician and cook, laundry manager, inventory analyst and expert shopper, chauffeur and errand runner, educator and tutor, communications expert and problem solver, counselor, encourager, event planner and activities director, finance manager, and health care provider. Mothers raise the next generation of adults who will either be a credit to her and a positive contributor to society or a burden on society. Motherhood is a full time calling which requires God&rsquo;s help.</p>
<p>Every mother needs support, encourage, and help in her effort to raise morally responsible and biblically responsive children. ...</p>Tue, 01 May 2018 08:00:00 GMTActions Speak Louder Than Wordshttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/5/Actions-Speak-Louder-Than-Words
<p>You and I grew up hearing the axiom, &ldquo;actions speak louder than words.&rdquo; Its counterpart is also pretty familiar, &ldquo;talk is cheap.&rdquo; In counseling Elsie and I desire to go beyond words, beyond platitudes, beyond promises to see actions. Only when we see actions will we know that change has taken place. Change will not occur simply because a client says the right words. Actions speak louder than words.</p>
<p>How do we move beyond words to actions? Several things must take place:</p>
<p><strong>1. Motivation</strong></p>
<p>There must be sufficient motivation to move from words to action. We can be motivated by self, love, threat, fear, or pain. All of those will work to a greater or lesser degree but a powerful motivation for action is pain. Nothing ...</p>Tue, 01 May 2018 08:00:00 GMTCaring for Your Wifehttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/5/Caring-for-Your-Wife
<p>Men and women do NOT think alike neither do they have the same needs. Physiology and brain scans have documented the uniqueness of each gender and presented a good case for why we need each other. Husbands and wives are truly better when they work as a team.&nbsp;</p>
<p>For husbands to love their wives, they must understand the unique needs that wives have. Listed below are four of the most important needs wives have. Yes, these are generalizations and not tailored to the specific needs some wives may have. They are, however,&nbsp;generalizations drawn from thirty years of counseling couples.</p>
<p><strong>1. Relationship</strong></p>
<p>Wives are the &ldquo;relationship minders&rdquo; in the family. They want to insure that everyone in the family is in a good relationship...</p>Tue, 01 May 2018 08:00:00 GMTThe Garbage Dumphttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/5/The-Garbage-Dump
<p>Growing up in Illinois, my parents often took vacations in Ludington, Michigan. Friends of theirs had a&nbsp;residence on Hamlin Lake just east of Lake Michigan. I have wonderful memories of those carefree days of learning to waterski, jumping down sand dunes the size of small mountains, eating ice cream at Barnhart&rsquo;s Marina, and the garbage dump. Yes, the garbage dump. One of our favorite activities was to join the &ldquo;townies&rdquo; after dark at the town garbage dump. With cars ringing the dump all with headlights shining we would watch the bears pawing through the garbage looking for dinner or an after dinner snack. It was fascinating! Garbage dumps are favorite snack shacks for bears.</p>
<p>Garbage dumps have been around since the ...</p>Tue, 01 May 2018 08:00:00 GMTEaster Blessingshttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/4/Easter-Blessings
<p style="margin: 0in 0in 15pt; background-image: initial; background-position: initial; background-size: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial;">Easter as well as springtime brings new hope. Here in Minnesota, spring marks the end of winter and the rebirth of green and colorful plants and flowers. Buried all winter under a heavy blanket of snow and frost, tiny sprouts bravely immerge. I have seen this repeat year after year my whole life, yet I am always amazed that God can bring dead looking things back to life every spring. People drive on frozen lakes in January and swim in the same lakes in June!! Isn&rsquo;t God amazing!!</p>
<p style="margin: 0in 0in 15pt; background-image: initial; background-position: initial; background-size: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial;"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p style="margin: 0in 0in 15pt; background-image: initial; background-position: initial; background-size: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial;">Just as God melts the frozen lakes and brings plants back to life in the spring, He raised his Son from the grave on Easter Sunday. I pray that this truth will grab your heart and get your full attention this Easter season. Spend some time in quiet ...</p>Sun, 01 Apr 2018 08:00:00 GMTThe Temptation to Return to the Old Lifehttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/4/THE-TEMPTATION-TO-RETURN-TO-THE-OLD-LIFE
<p>Israel had witnessed God&rsquo;s amazing deliverance. Held in bondage in Egypt as slaves to build the edifices of Egypt, the children of Israel cried out and God sent them a deliverer, Moses. Through 10 mighty plagues God powerfully defeated Pharaoh and the gods of Egypt and set His people free by the blood of the lamb. The death angel &ldquo;passed over&rdquo; (Passover) the houses marked with the blood of the lamb.</p>
<p>Freed by the blood, Israel took the spoils of victory from Egypt and marched triumphantly into the wilderness. When Pharaoh and his army tried to capture them at the Red Sea, God delivered His people by parting the sea and drowning their attackers. Instead of gratitude, the children of Israel immediately began to grumble at ...</p>Sun, 01 Apr 2018 08:00:00 GMTChristian Mysticismhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/4/Christian-Mysticism
<p>Recently I received an email from a Christian friend whom I respect. He wanted my opinion and guidance on the topic of the inner Christian life. His Bible study group was studying a companion text by a Roman Catholic priest who has written extensively about the inner life of the Christian, the prompting of the Holy Spirit, and how to discern His voice and act on it. It created something of a stir in the group. I answered his questions and gave him my thoughts on the subject. One of the group members contacted me via email to ask for further clarification of where I stood.&nbsp;</p>
<p>The subject falls under the rubric of Christian mysticism. Christian mysticism seeks to grow deeper in the inner life, discern the prompting of the Spirit, and turn...</p>Sun, 01 Apr 2018 08:00:00 GMTPraying is Hard for Mehttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/4/PRAYING-IS-HARD-FOR-ME
<p>Let&rsquo;s be honest, Christians, because I don&rsquo;t think I&rsquo;m alone in this. It is hard for me to pray. I&rsquo;d like to say that I&rsquo;m too busy or I don&rsquo;t have time but those are excuses not real reasons. As my pastor used to say, &ldquo;An excuse is the skin of a reason stuffed with a lie.&rdquo; So, no excuses. I&rsquo;m either too lazy or secretly don&rsquo;t think prayer works or don&rsquo;t think that God is listening and will answer me. In addition, one of Satan&rsquo;s goals is to prevent us from praying. So, prayer is hard for me. Why? I can&rsquo;t see God and it feels so alone. Me and the Unseen God. Alone. In addition, prayer means telling God my deepest, darkest secrets (as if He doesn&rsquo;t already know...</p>Sun, 01 Apr 2018 08:00:00 GMTBilly Graham: A True Man of Godhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/3/Billy-Graham-A-True-Man-of-God
<p>On February 21, 2018 the world lost a true man of God. William Franklin Graham Jr. was promoted to Glory to spend eternity with His Lord and Savior Jesus Christ whom he served so faithfully. He was 99 years old and would have turned 100 on November 7, 2018. I grew up during the years of the Billy Graham crusades. He held crusades all over the United States and around the world. He preached the gospel to millions of people and multitudes walked the long isles to accept Christ at his crusades. He was not one bit shy, hesitant, or ashamed to tell people about Christ and their need for salvation. He boldly proclaimed God&rsquo;s Word. He said in a taped interview I listened to recently that there really is no such thing as mass evangelism. It ...</p>Thu, 01 Mar 2018 07:00:00 GMT"We Know a Thing or Two Because We've Seen a Thing or Two"http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/3/-We-Know-a-Thing-or-Two-Because-We-ve-Seen-a-Thing-or-Two-
<p>You&rsquo;ve probably seen the insurance commercial featuring actor J. K. Simmons leading a novice through the insurance company&rsquo;s Hall of Claims. The claims are fascinating: a bull moose who rams a swing set which, in turn, crashes through the windshield of an RV, a car in a parade which catches fire in the trunk, a father and daughter dancing on the floor of their house whose pounding feet knock paint cans off a shelf in the basement spilling paint everywhere. Fascinating stuff! Every commercial concludes the same way with Simmons declaring, &ldquo;We know a thing or two because we&rsquo;ve seen a thing or two.&rdquo;</p>
<p>Elsie and I often feel that way. God has given us insights into problems and difficulties because we&rsquo;ve seen ...</p>Thu, 01 Mar 2018 07:00:00 GMTFacing Your Fearshttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/3/Facing-Your-Fears
<p>This is an important article because the topic of fear is so prevalent in our society today. We fear the possibility of nuclear war, cancer and diseases for which there&nbsp;are no cures, financial ruin or insufficient funds to retire. With the recent murder of 18 students and teachers in Brouward County Florida, we even fear sending our children to school.</p>
<p>Elsie and I see and hear fear in our clients every day. It is one of the hidden issues underlying personal and relationship problems. What can we do about it? In some cases, fear is normal and to be expected. When your child runs into the street to chase a ball and a speeding car is heading toward him, you should feel afraid. He could be hit and hurt. As Dr. Neil Anderson says, fear ...</p>Thu, 01 Mar 2018 07:00:00 GMTWhen I Die, Should I be Buried or Cremated?http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/3/When-I-Die-Should-I-be-Buried-or-Cremated-
<p>I got another one, another letter from the Cremation Society of Minnesota! Uffda! They want me to be cremated when I die. As you probably know, cremation is the alternative to burial. It involves the burning of the corpse of a dead person until nothing is left but 3 to 10 pounds of ashes (depending on the size of the person). Statistics indicate that cremations are on the rise. According to the Cremation Association of North America, &ldquo;The cremation rate in the United States has been increasing steadily with the national average rate rising from <strong>3.56%</strong> in 1960 to <strong>48.6%</strong> in 2015 and projections are a rate of <strong>54.3%</strong> in 2020.&rdquo; By 2020 more people will be choosing to be cremated than buried. Why? Here are the reasons given for cremation...</p>Thu, 01 Mar 2018 07:00:00 GMTHonoring Marriagehttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/2/Honoring-Marriage
<p>Do love and marriage go together? I believe that is the hope, dream, and assumption of most people when they get married. They are in love and desire a loving marriage. Most people want a &ldquo;happily ever after&rdquo; marriage. That is what Irv and I wanted. However, we had no idea what it would require from each of us to keep the dream alive. Healthy marriages require time, effort, work, commitment, sacrifice, kindness, consideration and patience &ndash;just for starters. Beyond all these a biblical attitude towards God&rsquo;s gift of marriage is needed. Marriage is not to be taken lightly. Marriage is a holy commitment not just between a man and woman, but also before God and witnesses. Marriage is not just about the two who are ...</p>Thu, 01 Feb 2018 14:53:00 GMT"I'm Dead to That!"http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/2/-I-m-Dead-to-That-
<p>If you&rsquo;ve ever heard James McDonald, pastor of Harvest Bible Chapel in Illinois, preach you know he&rsquo;s a pretty passionate guy who loves to proclaim the Word of God. I recently caught one of his sermons on Romans 6:11. It was tremendous! As I thought about what he said it struck me that this verse brings powerful truth to bear on the bondage of addictions or any habitual sin. For the first five chapters in the book of Romans there are many declarations but Romans 6:11 is the first imperative in the book of Romans. An imperative is a command requiring action. Here&rsquo;s what Romans 6:11 says, &ldquo;In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus&rdquo; (NIV). I prefer the King James Version. The ...</p>Thu, 01 Feb 2018 14:53:00 GMTFriday Night Fighthttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/2/Friday-Night-Fight
<p style="text-align: center">&nbsp;<strong>FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHT</strong></p>
<p>Grace Evangelical Free Church in Fridley will be hosting an event with a focus on men&rsquo;s sexual purity as part of the monthly men&rsquo;s ministry called Friday Night Fights. Dr. Irv Woolf, Director of Hopewell Counseling, will be the guest speaker. The event will take place on Friday evening, <strong>March 2, 2018 at 6:30 pm.</strong> Dr. Woolf&rsquo;s message is titled <em>If We Stay Together We Survive</em>. The evening will begin with a meal. There is a suggested donation of $7.00 to cover the cost of the meal; however, please attend even if you can&rsquo;t afford the $7.00.</p>
<p>Please call the church office by noon on Thursday, March 1, to confirm that you would like to attend so an accurate count can be obtained for ordering food. ...</p>Thu, 01 Feb 2018 14:53:00 GMTAll We Need Is Lovehttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/2/All-We-Need-Is-Love
<p align="center"><strong><strong>ALL WE NEED IS LOVE</strong></strong></p>
<p><strong>Since February is the month of love I thought I&rsquo;d tackle the age-old question of what is love? Is it a feeling, a decision, a commitment, a &ldquo;liver quiver.&rdquo; What is it? All of us want to love and be loved. Love is built into us. We are made in God&rsquo;s image and God is love (1 John 4:8). &nbsp;Yet how will we know it is love we&rsquo;re experiencing? As I&rsquo;ve researched the subject, I&rsquo;ve come to the conclusion that there are three essential ingredients of love (see diagram). This is called the &ldquo;Triangular Theory of Love&rdquo; and was developed by Robert Sternberg. I think he&rsquo;s on target with his diagram.</strong></p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p align="center"><strong><img alt="" src="/i/Triangle_of_Love_1.jpg" style="height: 228px; width: 640px" />&nbsp;</strong></p>
<p align="center">&nbsp;</p>
<p><strong>Let&#39;s look at Sternberg&rsquo;s theory and ...</strong>...</p>Thu, 01 Feb 2018 14:53:00 GMTBeginning Againhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/1/Beginning-Again
<p>Here we are at the beginning of a brand new year. I like January. A fresh new year yet to be written lays before me with new challenges and opportunities for growth and ministry to others. I think it is exciting to have a fresh start and new beginning. But sometimes it is unbearably hard to begin again. Whether due to fear of the unknown or baggage from the past that feels like an anchor around our soul and spirit, we may find it hard to move forward. This is often the case when people come for counseling. They want to move forward in life, but something is holding them back. Something that keeps them tethered to the past. They often say they feel stuck. Perhaps it is an idol that they hold tightly even though they say they want to let it ...</p>Mon, 01 Jan 2018 20:10:00 GMTWhen is Fear Legitimate?http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/1/When-is-Fear-Legitimate-
<p>I am indebted to Neil T. Anderson, Dave Park, and Rich Miller for their clear teaching on the legitimacy of fear objects. In their book, <em>Stomping Out Fear: Finding Courage in Christ, </em>the authors address the issue of fear because fear is at the root of much of our sinful behaviors, speech, and thoughts. We grow fearful and try to cope through sinful defense mechanism such as blaming others, denial that we did it, lying to cover our tracks, minimizing what we&rsquo;ve done by saying, &ldquo;It&rsquo;s no big deal!,&rdquo; overworking/overeating/over-exercising/over anything, and many others.</p>
<p>Our first parents, Adam and Eve, did exactly the same thing! After sinning they were afraid and hid from God in the bushes. Adam declared to God, &ldquo...</p>Mon, 01 Jan 2018 20:10:00 GMTThe Casting Couch Culture of Hollywoodhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/1/The-Casting-Couch-Culture-of-Hollywood
<p>As the old saying goes, &ldquo;the chickens are coming home to roost&rdquo; in Hollywood, Washington D. C., and elsewhere. Allegations of sexual abuse, harassment, and even rape are being leveled against some of the most powerful men in the country. In this short article I want to focus just on the allegations in Hollywood. Producers, directors, star actors, and agents are being identified by actors and actresses as predators. It is big news because of the star power making the accusations but the truth is the culture in Hollywood has been morally depraved for many years.</p>
<p>If the term &ldquo;casting couch&rdquo; is unfamiliar to you, it is a term coined back in the 1920s in Hollywood. The idea behind the casting couch is that casting agents...</p>Mon, 01 Jan 2018 20:09:00 GMTWhat Does 2018 Hold For You?http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2018/1/What-Does-2018-Hold-For-You-
<p>I stopped making New Year&rsquo;s resolutions a number of years ago. The resolve was there but the power of the flesh kept attacking my best efforts and I would fail. I don&rsquo;t think I&rsquo;m alone when it comes to failing to keep New Year&rsquo;s resolutions. Check out the number of people who go on diets, join gyms, begin weight loss programs, etc. The numbers in January are huge but those numbers diminish from a gusher to a trickle by March.</p>
<p>I have taken to writing out goals on January 1 for the coming year. I group specific goals under 7 headings, all beginning with the letter &ldquo;F&rdquo; (hey, c&rsquo;mon, I was a preacher for 30 years. What&rsquo;d you expect?):</p>
<ol>
<li>Faith</li>
<li>Family</li>
<li>Finances</li>
<li>Function</li>
<li>Fitness</li>
<li>Friends</li>
...</ol>Mon, 01 Jan 2018 20:09:00 GMTTurn Your Eyes Upon Jesushttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/12/Turn-Your-Eyes-Upon-Jesus
<p>As we begin this Christmas season, it is easy to forget the Reason for the season. There are so many distractions. Some are attractive, brightly colored, glittery commercial distractions. And sometimes sadness and loss distracts from the joy of Christmas. I want to challenge us this year to turn our eyes upon Jesus. There is a beautiful old hymn written by Helen H. Lemmel, originally published in 1918, which tells us that if we turn our eyes upon Jesus, &ldquo;the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.&rdquo;&nbsp;</p>
<p>I think it is a worthy goal to intentionally hit the dimmer switch on the things of the world not only at Christmas time but every day. It just might also lessen the stress and anxiety in ...</p>Fri, 01 Dec 2017 20:09:00 GMTWhy We Give Gifts at Christmashttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/12/Why-We-Give-Gifts-at-Christmas
<p>Christmas is the most traditional, venerated holiday celebrated in the western world. It has been celebrated for nearly two thousand years. We celebrate it by decorating our homes, putting up Christmas trees, exchanging cards, baking special treats, eating a festive meal, wearing unique sweaters, connecting with family, attending a worship service, and watching time-honored Christmas movies. Christmas is both stressful and wonderful!&nbsp;</p>
<p>Perhaps the most common tradition of Christmas which I omitted from the above litany of traditions, is gift-giving because it falls into its own category. We give gifts to one another. Retailers including Amazon count on that. They count on the &ldquo;Christmas bump&rdquo; to help them meet their budget ...</p>Fri, 01 Dec 2017 20:08:00 GMTAnger: Facing the Fire Withinhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/12/Anger-Facing-the-Fire-Within
<p>I&rsquo;m enjoying a short, little book by author, June Hunt, entitled &ldquo;Anger: Facing the Fire Within.&rdquo; June wrote it in 2013 and Hope for the Heart published it. Pick it up! You or someone you know may have anger issues. June gives terrific definitions, characteristics, causes, and steps to solution for anger.&nbsp;</p>
<p>Not all anger is bad in fact God gets angry at sin and God cannot sin. We are made in His image so it stands to reason that anger is a basic character quality in every human being. To be fair, we should become angry at sin, just like God. Lynette Hoy has written a book entitled, &ldquo;What&rsquo;s Good About Anger?&rdquo; The answer is much. We should become righteously angry at human trafficking and the ...</p>Fri, 01 Dec 2017 20:08:00 GMTI Don't Like To Exercisehttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/12/I-Don-t-Like-To-Exercise
<p>We live in a culture which reveres exercising the body. Think about all the television, radio, newspaper, magazine, and internet ads for exercise equipment, exercise instruction and classes, weight loss plans which include exercise as a critical component, and all the admonitions from various governmental agencies telling us that we need to exercise at least 30-60 minutes per day. I&rsquo;ll be honest. I don&rsquo;t like to exercise. It&rsquo;s boring, fatiguing, and does not seem to give me the &ldquo;high&rdquo; from the &ldquo;endorphin release&rdquo; scientists promise me. Do I exercise? Yes. Elsie prompts me and we head to the YMCA to work out 2-3 days per week in cold weather and walk for an hour nearly every day in warm weather. I ...</p>Fri, 01 Dec 2017 20:08:00 GMTWelcome to Normalhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/11/Welcome-to-Normal
<p>There is a small town in Illinois named &ldquo;Normal.&rdquo; It is right next to Bloomington, Illinois. We drove there recently for a wedding. Having grown up in Illinois, Irv and I are familiar with the town. What got our attention was the &ldquo;Welcome to Normal&rdquo; sign as you enter the town. I couldn&rsquo;t help but say, &ldquo;Fantastic! I&rsquo;ve always wondered what &ldquo;normal&rdquo; looks like.&rdquo; The sign prompted some conversation and a couple of questions. What is normal?&nbsp; And is normal good?&nbsp;</p>
<p>The word normal comes from the word norm and is based upon conformity to a set of norms or standards. The norms and standards are taught in the context of the community. Culturally, what determines the norms of the ...</p>Wed, 01 Nov 2017 21:07:00 GMTEight Suggestions to Improve Couple Conversationshttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/11/Eight-Suggestions-to-Improve-Couple-Conversations
<p>Because communication is such a key factor in marital satisfaction, we need to understand some basic dynamics to make conversations between spouses easier, clearer, and better received. If we can master these our marriages will become exponentially more satisfying. Here are eight suggestions which Elsie and I have learned from couples we counsel.</p>
<ol>
<li>Take turns. Each partner gets to be the complainer for fifteen minutes.</li>
<li>Don&rsquo;t give unsolicited advice. If you quickly suggest a solution to your partner&rsquo;s dilemma, he or she is likely to feel that you are trivializing or dismissing the problem.</li>
<li>Show genuine interest. Don&rsquo;t let your mind or eyes wander.&nbsp; Stay focused on your spouse. Ask questions. Make eye contact.</li>
<li>...</li>...</ol>Wed, 01 Nov 2017 21:07:00 GMTA Biblical Approach to Dealing with Depressionhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/11/A-Biblical-Approach-to-Dealing-with-Depression
<p>Life just seems hopeless and you feel stuck with no way out. You feel discouraged, trapped, and, to be honest, afraid. You&#39;re afraid things might never change and you&rsquo;re wasting your life.&nbsp;</p>
<p>What causes depression? The causes are many and varied. By definition, depression is a sense of hopelessness, of feeling trapped with no escape. It can be caused by the death of a dream. It can come on the heels of your greatest triumph (remember Alexander the Great who wept because there were no other worlds to conquer?) It can be caused by feeling overwhelmed by too many demands and too little time.</p>
<p>How do you deal with it? Here are five basic biblical principles drawn from the quintessential example of depression in the workplace, the...</p>Wed, 01 Nov 2017 21:07:00 GMT11 Red Flags of Datinghttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/11/11-Red-Flags-of-Dating
<p>My college-aged son and I sat in the Perkins Restaurant late on a Friday night. We had come for a late night burger. The conversation moved from food and sports to dating. He was single and wanted to know what to beware of as he dated women on campus. As a pastor/counselor I presented my thoughts in terms of red flags and the probability of marital success. As he and I talked about each of the signs I noticed that other college students gathered in adjoining booths to listen. Soon six other students, men and women, were listening intently to our &ldquo;private&rdquo; conversation. Based on the assumption that if none of the signs are present, there is 100% probability of the marriage being a success, each of the flags diminishes the ...</p>Wed, 01 Nov 2017 21:06:00 GMTHurricane Seasonhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/10/Hurricane-Season
<p>The people of Florida and the gulf coast are very familiar with hurricane season. The Atlantic hurricane season runs from June 1 to November 30 with the peak period being from early August through the end of October. This year was especially threatening. The news of Hurricane Irma, with Jose and Katia following close behind, was the big weather news of the 2017 Labor Day weekend. Floridians were preparing for what looked like a category 5 hurricane making a direct hit on their state within the next few days. The storm heading their way was bigger than the entire state of Florida. There was no safe place within the state. Evacuees were instructed to head for Georgia and points north.</p>
<p>Even with current technology, it is hard to predict with ...</p>Sun, 01 Oct 2017 21:06:00 GMTThe Family Meeting: A Biblical Modelhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/10/The-Family-Meeting-A-Biblical-Model
<p>This month I&rsquo;m writing about the family meeting, one of the best ways to keep the family, especially the clan (family of families), connected. Let me start with the definition. What is a family meeting and who should attend? A family meeting is a gathering of the family of origin (dad, mom, and children) and, on occasion, of the extended family (daughters-in law, sons-in-law). It is a leadership meeting where decisions will be made so young children and grandchildren are not included.&nbsp;</p>
<p>Why hold a family meeting? What is the purpose and what are the benefits?&nbsp; A family meeting helps to keep a family connected and &quot;on the same page.&quot;&nbsp; In clans (family of families) the adult children have typically moved out of ...</p>Sun, 01 Oct 2017 21:06:00 GMTPurity Group Launching this Monthhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/10/Purity-Group-Launching-this-Month
<p>The fall is a fabulous time of year! The leaves change colors, the temps are a little cooler and more refreshing, the kiddos go back to school (I think I heard some parents shout, &ldquo;Amen!&rdquo;), and we return to our normal schedules. Starting this month, Hopewell Counseling will once again be offering a purity group. This group is for men who desire to become sexually pure, receive a high level of accountability, and develop great friendships with other men. The purity group will go through two phases with phase one lasting 7 weeks and phase two lasting 18 weeks for a total of 25 weeks.&nbsp;</p>
<p>If you struggle with sexual purity and want the accountability of other men, this is your group. Perhaps you are walking in purity and just ...</p>Sun, 01 Oct 2017 21:05:00 GMTBiblical Principles on Workhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/10/Biblical-Principles-on-Work
<p>With the end of summer and the return of the children to school there is the inevitable adjustment to the new fall schedule. In our counseling practice Elsie and I have summer hours and rest-of-the-year hours.&nbsp; My guess is your work schedule has probably changed too. As I&rsquo;ve thought about work here are some Biblical principles on the subject:</p>
<div>
<ol>
<li><strong>Work meets our basic needs</strong>. &ldquo;The one who is unwilling to work shall not eat&rdquo; (2 Thessalonians 3:10). Work and eating are connected. A growling stomach is a powerful motivator to work (Proverbs 16:26)! We do a grave disservice to able-bodied people if we provide for basic needs without requiring them to work. In the Old Testament, God&rsquo;s program for the poor involved ...</li>...</ol>...</div>Sun, 01 Oct 2017 21:05:00 GMTGolden Eggshttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/9/Golden-Eggs
<p>On our recent trip to London to attend Irv&rsquo;s niece&rsquo;s wedding, we spent some time seeing the sights of London. I have always had a great interest in English history. American history is rooted in English history and my family history is as well. It took every ounce of courage I had as I anticipated the six hour flight across the Atlantic Ocean, but it was so worth it. I enjoyed seeing things I had previously only read about and standing in places I had seen in pictures.&nbsp;</p>
<p>One of the places we visited was the Churchill War Rooms. These war rooms are an invaluable part of English history which must be intentionally sought out because they are underground. From these basement rooms, Winston Churchill and his staff planned the ...</p>Fri, 01 Sep 2017 21:04:00 GMTPurity Group this Fall 2017http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/9/Purity-Group-this-Fall-2017
<p>The fall is a fabulous time of year! The leaves change colors, the temps are a little cooler and more refreshing, the kiddos go back to school (I think I heard some parents shout, &ldquo;Amen!&rdquo;), and we return to our normal schedules. Starting in October, Hopewell Counseling will once again be offering a purity group. This group is for men who desire to become sexually pure, receive a high level of accountability, and develop great friendships with other men. The purity group will go through two phases with phase one lasting 7 weeks and phase two lasting 18 weeks for a total of 25 weeks.</p>
<p>If you struggle with sexual purity and want the accountability of other men, this is your group. Perhaps you are walking in purity and just want the...</p>Fri, 01 Sep 2017 21:04:00 GMTLessons from the Back of the Canoehttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/9/Lessons-from-the-Back-of-the-Canoe
<p>Summer in Minnesota is glorious! The landscape is emerald green, the waters of the lakes are shimmering blue, and the flowers burst with a panoply of colors. The temperature is perfect and Minnesotans come out of their winter cocoons to take full advantage of the outdoors. We have more fishermen and golfers per capita than practically any state in the union! We have to. Summer is too short and winter is too long. We have to take full advantage of every day.&nbsp;</p>
<p>One of the outdoor activities Elsie and I recently enjoyed was canoeing down the St. Croix River, about a two hour trip. For seniors like Elsie and me that&rsquo;s a lot of paddling! We were pretty exhausted by the time we docked the canoe. In the course of canoeing I made mental ...</p>Fri, 01 Sep 2017 21:04:00 GMTCivil vs. Church Weddingshttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/9/Civil-vs-Church-Weddings
<p>Elsie and I just returned from a wedding in London, England. Yes, we are now jetsetters (ha, that was the first time out of the country for Elsie and the first time in England for me in 50 years)! The experience was excellent and not a little eye-opening. We saw Buckingham Palace, St. Paul&rsquo;s Cathedral, Westminster Abbey, the Tower Bridge, Big Ben, the Tower of London and the crown jewels, Winston Churchill&rsquo;s War Rooms, and the Royal Observatory (where the prime meridian is calculated and east meets west). It was all fascinating and educational.&nbsp;</p>
<p>The highlight of the trip for both of us? Attending All Souls Church in North London on a Sunday. All Souls Church was made famous by Pastor John Nash, and his successor, John R. W...</p>Fri, 01 Sep 2017 21:03:00 GMTLet The Light Shine Inhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/8/Let-The-Light-Shine-In
<p>The theme of light permeates Scripture and reflects the character of God. In Genesis 1:3 God said, &ldquo;. . . &lsquo;Let there be light,&rsquo; and there was light. God saw that the light was good; and God separated the light from the darkness.&rdquo; On the first day of creation God separated the light from darkness. He called the light day and He called the darkness night.&nbsp;</p>
<p>There are numerous references to light as opposed to darkness in God&rsquo;s Word. I John 1:5 states that &ldquo;. . . God is light, and in Him there is no darkness at all.&rdquo; Ephesians 5:8-9 says, &ldquo;For you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light for the fruit of the Light consists in all goodness and ...</p>Tue, 01 Aug 2017 21:03:00 GMTJesus Loves Me This I Know For the Bible Tells Me Sohttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/8/Jesus-Loves-Me-This-I-Know-For-the-Bible-Tells-Me-So
<p>Most of us know the song, &ldquo;Jesus Loves Me.&rdquo; We usually think of it as a children&rsquo;s song often sung in Sunday School or children&rsquo;s church but the theology underlying this precious song is profound. Here are the words written in 1860&nbsp;by Anna B. Warner:</p>
<div>
<ol>
<li><em>Jesus loves me! This I know,<br />
For the Bible tells me so;<br />
Little ones to Him belong;<br />
They are weak, but He is strong. </em>
<ul>
<li><em>Refrain:<br />
Yes, Jesus loves me!<br />
Yes, Jesus loves me!<br />
Yes, Jesus loves me!<br />
The Bible tells me so.</em></li>
</ul>
</li>
<li><em>Jesus loves me! This I know,<br />
As He loved so long ago,<br />
Taking children on His knee,<br />
Saying, &ldquo;Let them come to Me.&rdquo;</em></li>
<li><em>Jesus loves me still today,<br />
Walking with me on my way,<br />
Wanting...</em>...</li>...</ol>...</div>Tue, 01 Aug 2017 21:02:00 GMTFacing Death with Confidencehttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/8/Facing-Death-with-Confidence
<p>Should the Lord call me home, I&rsquo;m ready. My house is in order. I&rsquo;m not dying nor do I wish to die one minute sooner than the Lord chooses but I&rsquo;m ready.&nbsp; I have a friend who is facing the last days (perhaps hours) of his life. He is dying from a brutal disease called <a href="https://www.googleadservices.com/pagead/aclk?sa=L&amp;ai=DChcSEwixjtO1nYnVAhVOkn4KHVpaBfQYABAAGgJwYw&amp;ohost=www.google.com&amp;cid=CAASEuRoHhPAYEkBMeCYQLjzyOafLQ&amp;sig=AOD64_1yrYEwYyoQeJuGWkMqnQtEd2uVgg&amp;adurl=&amp;rct=j&amp;q=">Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis&lrm;</a>&nbsp;usually abbreviated as ALS and commonly known as &ldquo;Lou Gehrig&rsquo;s disease.&rdquo; ALS has robbed him of his body movements, his breathing, and his speech but it cannot steal his salvation or his joy. He is a vibrant Christian who longs for heaven. He has fixed his eyes on Jesus, the &ldquo;Author and Perfecter of faith who for the joy set before Him endured the Cross, despising the shame, and has sat down ...</p>Tue, 01 Aug 2017 21:02:00 GMT"Stop Hyphenating Names!"http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/8/-Stop-Hyphenating-Names-
<p>As a 22 year old, I had a very important decision to make. Having been born in England to an American father and an English mother, I had to decide when I was 22 whether I chose to be an American or a British citizen. In that day you couldn&rsquo;t be both; you had to choose. I chose to be an American citizen and was awarded with a much-prized &ldquo;Certificate of Citizenship;&rdquo; it wasn&rsquo;t a hard choice. I love this country and am proud to be an American.&nbsp;</p>
<p>The rules have changed since then. Now an immigrant can retain both citizenship in their native country and in the United States. I&rsquo;m &ldquo;aggin&rdquo; it. I believe people who leave their native land and arrive in America as their new home need to make a choice ...</p>Tue, 01 Aug 2017 21:01:00 GMTWhat's In Your Mental Warehouse?http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/7/What-s-In-Your-Mental-Warehouse-
<p>God has put within the human heart and mind a sense of right and wrong. We are all born with a conscience. All cultures and communities, have established guidelines/rules of acceptable behavior even though the exact specific laws of the culture may vary. Where do these specific rules and laws come from? Who decides what they will be?&nbsp;</p>
<p>For countries with a Judo-Christian heritage, the standard for the laws of the land is the Biblical values of the Old Testament. The sense of right and wrong within such cultures is defined by what God says is right and wrong. History reveals that this was the intention of America&rsquo;s founding fathers. Moral absolutes clearly defined moral behavior in the framing of our Constitution and Judicial ...</p>Sat, 01 Jul 2017 21:00:00 GMTAre you Broken over your Sin? How would you know?http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/7/Are-you-Broken-over-your-Sin-How-would-you-know-
<p>Before true repentance can occur and real freedom found, brokenness must be experienced. Brokenness is an issue of the heart meaning the intellect, emotions, and will must be radically changed. One of the most common questions Elsie and I hear from clients is, &ldquo;How can I know that he is broken and truly repentant over his sin?&rdquo; Most wives who express this have no idea what to look for other than a gut feeling that he has or hasn&rsquo;t been broken over his sin. Knowing that, what does brokenness look like? How can you know if your loved one is truly broken over his/her sin? There are three aspects to consider with regard to brokenness-things that bring us to our senses, the conviction of the Holy Spirit, and the evidence or ...</p>Sat, 01 Jul 2017 21:00:00 GMT"Stop Trying to Control me!"http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/7/-Stop-Trying-to-Control-me-
<p>Sociologist, Dr. Anthony Campolo, says that the big three pursuits of the world are power, fame, and wealth. He says the three are synergistic in that the wealthy often become famous and powerful, the powerful often become famous and wealthy, and the famous often become powerful and wealthy. Do you agree with Dr. Campolo? In this article I want to focus on power because Elsie and I see a number of couples whose marriages struggle with power and control issues.</p>
<p>The old adage says, &ldquo;The one who cares the least has the most power.&rdquo; Take, for example, a failing marriage. One partner wants to seek marriage counseling and save the marriage, the other doesn&rsquo;t care. Perhaps the one who doesn&rsquo;t care has already given up on ...</p>Sat, 01 Jul 2017 21:00:00 GMT"What did you say? Help me Understand"http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/6/-What-did-you-say-Help-me-Understand-
<div>
<p>Most of us think we&rsquo;re better at communicated than we are. After all we started talking when we were less than one year old so we&rsquo;ve been talking for a long time (some longer than others). We also know how to hear, so what&rsquo;s the big deal? If we know how to talk and we know how to hear, why is there so much miscommunication and misunderstanding? Merriam-Webster&rsquo;s Dictionary defines communicate as &ldquo;to convey or impart knowledge of or information about a matter.&rdquo;&nbsp; Sounds pretty simple, doesn&rsquo;t it? It isn&rsquo;t. In fact the definition by Webster&rsquo;s Dictionary is only half right. The definition describes the speaker&rsquo;s part in communicating. It is missing the listener&rsquo;s part. ...</p>...</div>Sat, 17 Jun 2017 20:56:00 GMTCore Strengthhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/6/Core-Strength
<p>Core strength is an important concept for athletes and physically active people. A person&rsquo;s physical core is a complex group of muscles within the abdominal area that also extends beyond the abs. The body&rsquo;s core is incorporated into almost every movement of the human body and acts as a stabilizer and spine protector. If you have been coached in physical fitness training or participated in a workout class, you have probably been instructed to tighten your abs in order to protect your spine. Research has shown that athletes with higher core stability have a lower risk of injury. Strengthening the core is the starting point of physical fitness.</p>
<p>Character core strength is also the starting point for emotional and relational fitness...</p>Thu, 01 Jun 2017 20:56:00 GMTBoundaries Make for Good Relationshipshttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/6/Boundaries-Make-for-Good-Relationships
<p>Three of my neighbors have erected fences defining their property from mine. I like that. It is a clear demarcation between our lot lines and protects both of us from unwanted intrusion. I don&rsquo;t want their dogs running (and other things) in my yard. Fences make for good neighbors. We feel safer with fences.</p>
<p>The same is true with boundaries. Boundaries are the fences of human relationships. They define what I will and won&rsquo;t do and with whom I will have a relationship and the parameters of that relationship. Boundaries make for good relationships. We feel safer with boundaries.</p>
<p>All relationships need boundaries. Some of those relationship boundaries will include: what will be our moral standards? What will be our standards of ...</p>Thu, 01 Jun 2017 20:56:00 GMTDealing with Dreamshttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/6/Dealing-with-Dreams
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>An issue I often hear about is the struggle men have with their dream life.&nbsp; They want to live pure lives but their dreams are often rife with sexual scenes or violent images. From where do these dreams come and what can be done about them? Many would say that nothing can be done because, after all, we&rsquo;re asleep and not even conscious. Not so.</p>
<p>First some Biblical background on dreams and then I&rsquo;ll address the issue of erotic and violent dreams. The Bible describes how God uses dreams to speak to people. God spoke to His prophets through dreams (Numbers 12:6, Deuteronomy 13:1), to the unsaved such as Abimelech, Nebuchadnezzar, and Pontius Pilate&rsquo;s wife through dreams, and to the saved including Jacob, Joseph, ...</p>Thu, 01 Jun 2017 20:55:00 GMTThe Law of the Wildernesshttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/6/The-Law-of-the-Wilderness
<p>A direct rebuke to evolution is the law of the wilderness. The law of the wilderness says that things left alone don&rsquo;t evolve for the better, they get worse and eventually return to their original state. A garden is a good example. If you constantly tend the garden by rototilling the soil, pulling the weeds, fertilizing and watering the plants you will have a fruitful garden that will reflect the care of the gardener. By contrast if you don&rsquo;t tend to the garden at all eventually it will return to its original state, wilderness. God knew that too. Adam&rsquo;s job was to tend the garden. Genesis 2:15 says, &ldquo;The LordGod took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it.&rdquo;</p>
<p>Another example is your ...</p>Thu, 01 Jun 2017 20:55:00 GMTThe Need to be Heard and Understoodhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/5/The-Need-to-be-Heard-and-Understood
<p>When people come for counseling they often share either directly or indirectly their longing for someone to listen to them and understand their situation. This is a real need for all of us. In addition, the most common presenting problem that couples mention is communication issues. You would think that people who know each other well enough to get married and especially those who have been married for some time would know how to communicate with each other. That is often, however, not the case. You would also think that people who are on the same page spiritually and have many things in common would know how to talk to each other respectfully. You would also hope that people who love each other would not seek to wound each others with ...</p>Mon, 01 May 2017 20:55:00 GMTGetting Beyond "He Said, She Said"http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/5/Getting-Beyond-He-Said-She-Said-
<p>Counseling is designed to be a safe place for clients to speak honestly and confidentially with their counselor about issues troubling them. For many couples the safe surroundings of a counseling office become a place to air out gripes and differences with their spouse. Often the &ldquo;he said, she said&rdquo; pattern emerges with one spouse saying something negative or critical of the other and the other spouse retorting with something equally as hurtful. Often times this leads to escalation or &ldquo;ramping up&rdquo; the criticism as one spouse tries to top the other. &ldquo;He said, she said&rdquo; may be a normal part of the first session of counseling but is not helpful in future sessions. It is unproductive and destructive.</p>
<p>Dr. ...</p>Mon, 01 May 2017 20:54:00 GMTCovenant Eyes: A Guardrail for the Internethttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/5/Covenant-Eyes-A-Guardrail-for-the-Internet
<p>Pikes Peak is 14,115 feet high in the Rocky Mountains making it one of 53 &ldquo;fourteeners,&rdquo; mountain peaks in Colorado above 14,000 feet. It is a popular tourist destination with over 500,000 visitors every year. Popular routes up Pikes Peak include hiking up Barr Trail, driving via the Pikes Peak Highway, or taking a ride up the Broadmoor&rsquo;s&nbsp;Pikes Peak Cog Railway. For the real adventure-seeker, you could combine the Cog Railway and bike down with Challenge Unlimited- Pikes Peak by Bike. If you choose to drive, as most tourists do, you cannot help but notice the switchbacks (sharp bends) on the narrow road and the numerous steel guardrails at each curve. Why so many guardrails? They are there to keep you and your auto on...</p>Mon, 01 May 2017 20:54:00 GMTThe Danger of Being a People-Pleaserhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/5/The-Danger-of-Being-a-People-Pleaser
<p>Everybody wants people to like them. We want to be likeable and we want people to think the best of us. It&rsquo;s human nature. What happens, though, when you want to be liked so much that you become a people-pleaser? What about when you can&rsquo;t speak truth to people lest they not like you. Finally, what happens when you can&rsquo;t say &ldquo;no&rdquo; to anyone lest they not like you? Are you that kind of person, a people-pleaser? A lot of people are. Here are some thoughts on the subject:</p>
<p>1. Jesus Christ</p>
<p>The most important voice we need to hear on the subject of people-pleasing is the voice of Jesus. Concerning people-pleasing, Jesus said, <em>&ldquo;Woe to you, when all people speak well of you, for so their fathers did to the false ...</em>...</p>Mon, 01 May 2017 20:54:00 GMTTalking Eye to Eyehttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/4/Talking-Eye-to-Eye
<p>I recently had the privilege of volunteering to be a speech meet judge at my grandsons&rsquo; school. I sign up every year and really enjoy being involved as a judge. I am required to choose a grade other than one that one of my grandsons is in. I prepare ahead of time by studying the speech judging rubric of criteria used for evaluating each student. The rubric contains things to listen for such as voice emphasis, pauses, volume, articulation, and pronunciation. There are also body language items to watch for including eye contact, facial expression, gesturing, posture, body movement, and appearance. The speaker is to communicate with his/her voice and face. Deductions were taken for too many hand gestures. It was quickly evident which ...</p>Sat, 01 Apr 2017 20:53:00 GMTThe Marshmallow Experiment: The Benefits of Delayed Gratificationhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/4/The-Marshmallow-Experiment-The-Benefits-of-Delayed-Gratification
<p>In 1960 a famous experiment was conducted at Stanford University in Palo Alto, CA, by researchers, Walter Mischel and Ebbe Ebbesen. Mischel and Ebbesen proposed an experiment in delayed gratification. Four to six year olds were brought into a room by the tester. Here is a summary of the original experiment:</p>
<p><em>The purpose of the original study was to understand when the control of delayed gratification, the ability to wait to obtain something that one wants, develops in children. The original experiment took place at the Bing Nursery School located at Stanford University, using children ages four to six as subjects. The children were led into a room, empty of distractions, where a treat of their choice (Oreo cookie, marshmallow, or pretzel ...</em>...</p>Sat, 01 Apr 2017 20:53:00 GMTGet Into the Ark!http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/4/Get-Into-the-Ark-
<p>It&rsquo;s called the &ldquo;Ark Encounter&rdquo; and is located at 1 Ark Encounter Drive, Williamstown, KY 41097. What is the Ark Encounter? The vision of Ken Ham and his ministry, Creation Science Research, the Ark Encounter is a full-sized replica of the Genesis 6 ark built by Noah and his three sons, Shem, Ham, and Japheth. &nbsp;The exhibit opened July 7, 2016, and is located 40 miles from its popular sister attraction, the Creation Museum. The ark is impressive! The Chicago Tribune says it is, &ldquo;An undeniable spectacle, and it must be seen to be believed.&rdquo; &nbsp;Former President Jimmy Carter declared, <strong>&ldquo;</strong>The Ark is remarkable. It&#39;s some of the best wood-working I&#39;ve ever seen.&rdquo;The ark stands 510 feet long ...</p>Sat, 01 Apr 2017 20:52:00 GMTBrokenness Must Precede Repentancehttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/4/Brokenness-Must-Precede-Repentance
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>On one of the walls of our counseling office is a 24&rsquo;&rsquo;x 36&rsquo; copy of Rembrandt&rsquo;s famous painting, <em>The Return of the Lost Son</em>. Unbeknown to many, the painting is a self-portrait painted by Rembrandt at the end of his life. Rembrandt paints himself as all three main characters in Jesus&rsquo; parable in Luke 15: the lost son, the older brother, and the joyful father. He did this because he saw himself in all three characters at different stages in his life. As a young man, Rembrandt was the lost son, the rebel, who partied hard and squandered his talent and money. As a middle-aged man, Rembrandt saw himself as the religious but judgmental older brother who publicly condemned others. Finally, Rembrandt, in his ...</p>Sat, 01 Apr 2017 20:52:00 GMTPlaying It Forwardhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/3/Playing-It-Forward
<p>Sometimes people who come for counseling are stuck in repeating patterns of destructive behavior. They may get free for awhile but then the behavior returns. Generational sins that have been present in previous generations may be the reason.&nbsp;</p>
<p>We are not responsible for the sins of previous generations, but it is our responsibility to break destructive cycles, stand in the gap, and make positive changes for our own lives and the lives of those who come after us, i.e. future generations. We can think of it as a family time line continuum where we are standing at a point in time in our family&rsquo;s history. We look back and notice those who have come before us and how they have contributed to who we are. We can also play it forward and...</p>Wed, 01 Mar 2017 19:51:00 GMTThe Surgical Removal of Sinhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/3/The-Surgical-Removal-of-Sin
<p>Sometime after Christmas 2016, perhaps in early January, I noticed a small, painful bump on the back of my hand. I knew it was not the normal old age stuff because it hurt like crazy every time I touched or bumped it. Since I was scheduled for a skin checkup at the Veteran&rsquo;s Administration hospital I thought I&rsquo;d just ask them what it was. The doc looked at it and said it was probably one of three things, a boil, a mole in the making, or a skin cancer. To determine which of the three it was, he did a biopsy and cut&nbsp;the bump&nbsp;off my hand. The biopsy showed that it was a squamous cell carcinoma, a fairly common skin cancer with a high rate of recovery.</p>
<p>The treatment was a procedure I&rsquo;d never heard of but one which ...</p>Wed, 01 Mar 2017 19:51:00 GMTThe Teeter-Totterhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/3/The-Teeter-Totter
<p>When I was a youngster I loved the teeter-totter. I loved going up and down on the teeter-totter with a friend. The real trick was, if you and your friend were approximately the same weight, to balance the teeter-totter right in the middle. It&rsquo;s not as easy as it looks. As a skinny, scrawny kid I often found myself paired with a massive, moosey kid who wanted to use the teeter-totter too. Balancing was out of the question.</p>
<p>Speech is often like that teeter-totter. We need balance when we speak. Proverbs 27:6 says, &ldquo;Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.&rdquo; In other words, real friends will wound you when they see sin or destructive habits in your life. They won&rsquo;t wound you with a...</p>Wed, 01 Mar 2017 19:50:00 GMTFake Newshttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/3/Fake-News
<p>You hear a lot about &ldquo;fake news&rdquo; these days. I think what is meant by that term is news reported in the media that is made up news with little or no truth behind it. The online website, <em>Politifact</em>, says, <em>Then there&rsquo;s fake news, the phenomenon that is now sweeping, well, the news. Fake news is made-up stuff, masterfully manipulated to look like credible journalistic reports that are easily spread online to large audiences willing to believe the fictions and spread the word</em>.&nbsp;</p>
<p>Much of the fake news being reported today is rooted in political hostility toward the opposition. Sometimes the fake news concerns doctored statistics to fit a political ideology. A recent article in the Drudge Report said that 56% of broadcast ...</p>Wed, 01 Mar 2017 19:50:00 GMTRebuilding Trust with Your Spousehttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/3/Rebuilding-Trust-with-Your-Spouse
<p>&ldquo;When I caught him viewing porn, that wasn&rsquo;t the worst part. He lied to me! I just can&rsquo;t trust him again. He&rsquo;s not the man I thought I married.&rdquo;&nbsp;We hear those words often as&nbsp;we counsel couples. Lying breaks the trust in a marriage and is actually a bigger violation of the relationship than viewing porn! If lying has occurred, how do you regain the trust of your spouse?&nbsp;</p>
<p>Trust is one of those qualities that, if lost, takes time and effort to regain. When a marriage begins, trust is readily given, but through sins against one another, trust can erode in a marriage to the point where one spouse no longer trusts the other. Without trust, true intimacy is impossible. We cannot be truly intimate with ...</p>Wed, 01 Mar 2017 19:49:00 GMTWhat does Lasting Love Look Like?http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/2/What-does-Lasting-Love-Look-Like-
<p><span style="font-family: helvetica">Valentine&rsquo;s Day is coming soon. Isn&rsquo;t it romantic?! The focus is on hearts, cards, chocolates, roses, and various gifts. Many couples decide to get engaged on Valentine&rsquo;s Day. Some plan their weddings for the month of February. How wonderful to be in love!! Yet, there seems to always be the question of how to hang onto that &ldquo;lovin&rsquo; feeling?&rdquo; What is true love anyway? How can we have lasting love . . . that &ldquo;&lsquo;til death do us part kind of love?&rdquo; Here are some marks of love that stands the test of time.</span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</p>
<p><strong><u>Lasting love is committed</u></strong>. There is an attitude of sacrifice. Commitment communicates that no matter what happens, I will be here for you . . . for better or worse. There ...</p>Wed, 01 Feb 2017 19:49:00 GMTDo You Love Me?http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/2/Do-You-Love-Me-
<p>It&rsquo;s the month of love and love is the cry of our hearts, isn&rsquo;t it? We want to love and be loved and so we ask the question, &ldquo;Do you love me?&rdquo; That was the same question Jesus asked Peter post-resurrection. In John 21:15-17, Jesus asks Peter that question three times. Why three times? The Bible makes it clear that it takes two or three witnesses to confirm something as a fact (Deuteronomy 19:15, 2 Corinthians 13:10). Peter had publicly denied Jesus three times before the rooster crowed (John 18:25-27). Jesus had taught His men that to deny Him before men meant that He would deny them before His Father in heaven (Matthew 10:33). The result for Peter is that Jesus would have to deny him as one of His own and Peter ...</p>Wed, 01 Feb 2017 19:49:00 GMTAs Ifhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/2/As-If
<p>&ldquo;Fake it &lsquo;til you make it.&rdquo; Ever heard that expression? It first gained traction in Alcoholic Anonymous circles and now is a staple. What does it mean and is it true? &ldquo;Fake it &lsquo;til you make it&rdquo; expresses the notion that even though you don&rsquo;t feel a certain way, pretend that you do feel that way until the feeling becomes real. Probably what we react to in the phrase is the &ldquo;fake it&rdquo; part. We would say, &ldquo;it isn&rsquo;t true, honest, or real. It&rsquo;s a fraud because we don&rsquo;t feel that way but we&rsquo;re pretending like we do.&rdquo; In our thinking, genuine feelings should precede our behavior and to do otherwise is dishonest.</p>
<p>I want to challenge that thinking. ...</p>Wed, 01 Feb 2017 19:48:00 GMTAmerican Idolshttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/2/American-Idols
<p><em>American Idol </em>was a very popular singing competition which ran on television from 2002 through 2016. Some of the winners became singing sensations with enduring careers including Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, and Jordin Sparks. I must confess, though, that I always bristled at the title of the program. God regards all idols as demons hence my discomfort with the title for the singing competition. Idols are described in 1 Corinthians 10:19, 20 this way, &ldquo;<em>What do I mean then? That a thing sacrificed to idols is anything, or that an idol is anything? No, but I say that the things which the Gentiles sacrifice, they sacrifice to demons and not to God; and I do not want you to become sharers in demons.&rdquo; </em></p>
<p>Does America have idols ...</p>Wed, 01 Feb 2017 19:48:00 GMTKingdom Livinghttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/1/Kingdom-Living
<p>We are turning a fresh page on a brand new year. 2016 is done. 2017 holds a whole new supply of hopes and dreams. People make New Year&rsquo;s resolutions and typically drop them within a few weeks. Parking lots at the YMCA are packed in January but tend to return to normal by February. Weight loss programs anticipate increased enrollment in January.&nbsp;</p>
<p>Kingdom living is a topic worth considering as we embark on a brand new year. As we seek God&rsquo;s blessings in the New Year, it makes sense to look at family relationships in light of God&rsquo;s design for the family. God has a plan for family and church leadership that calls on men to lead. We don&rsquo;t often hear much about God&rsquo;s standard any more, but God has put the ...</p>Sun, 01 Jan 2017 19:47:00 GMTThe Jubilee Yearhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/1/The-Jubilee-Year
<p>The number &ldquo;7&rdquo; has special significance for Christians and Jews. God created the heavens and earth in six days and rested on the seventh day. The seventh day is the day of rest. God set the pattern of working for six days and resting for one day. In the seventh month Jews celebrate the Feast of Trumpets (&ldquo;Rosh Hashanah&rdquo;), the Day of Atonement (&ldquo;Yom Kippur&rdquo;), and the Feast of Booths (&ldquo;Succoth&rdquo;). Seven is regarded as sacred and the number of completion. Peter asked Jesus how often he ought to forgive those who sinned against him, seven times? Jesus replied seventy times seven (Matthew 18:21, 22). Jesus is calling Peter to unending, complete forgiveness.</p>
<p>So how significant was it that the Jews ...</p>Sun, 01 Jan 2017 19:47:00 GMTWhy Pastors Fallhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/1/Why-Pastors-Fall
<p>Having provided sexual addiction screening for the Association of Free Lutheran Congregations (AFLC) for the past nine years, I have screened my share of pastors who are living double lives, one public and one private. The public life the pastor presents is sinless, competent, and spiritual. The private one is secretive, sinful, and ashamed. Were he found out, the double life pastor is convinced he would be fired by the congregation on the spot. Unfortunately there is some truth behind that fear for some congregations have done exactly that. Perhaps it would be wise to explore how pastors begin leading double lives in the first place. My observation from counseling pastors and having been a pastor for over 30 years has given me a unique ...</p>Sun, 01 Jan 2017 19:46:00 GMTFears Experienced, Lies Believedhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/1/Fears-Experienced-Lies-Believed
<p>A question I frequently ask myself is, &ldquo;why do I do what I do? What drives me to say or act the way I do?&rdquo; If all actions and words are produced in response to a thought in the mind, what drives the thoughts I think? My theory, and it is a theory, is that unbiblical, sinful thoughts are the result of fears. Underneath those fears are lies we have believed, lies about ourselves, others, or God. So often we take control of our lives because we don&rsquo;t trust God. We don&rsquo;t trust Him to provide for us, protect us, or love us. Here are three of the most common fears we have:</p>
<ol>
<li>Fear of being harmed by others. This fear leads us to feel insecure and suspicious of others and their motives. This fear is based in the lie that ...</li>...</ol>Sun, 01 Jan 2017 19:46:00 GMTBetrayal: The Destruction of a Relationshiphttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2017/1/Betrayal-The-Destruction-of-a-Relationship
<p>Probably the word that I hear most frequently from wives whose husbands are caught up in pornography is betrayal. It feels like a betrayal to them. Why? The common thinking in our culture is that porn viewing is a &ldquo;victimless crime.&rdquo; Men say to me, &ldquo;I&rsquo;m only hurting myself and if I want to hurt myself I will.&rdquo; That flies in the face of what their wives think. It feels like a betrayal to them because it IS a betrayal. Viewing pornography is disloyalty to the wife to whom you vowed your faithfulness &ldquo;for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.&rdquo; The marriage covenant with its vow of faithfulness to one another has been broken.</p>
<p>The Greek word for betrayal in the New ...</p>Sun, 01 Jan 2017 19:46:00 GMTWho is the Boss of You?http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/11/Who-is-the-Boss-of-You-
<p>At Hopewell Counseling, Dr. Irv and I use the Taylor-Johnson Temperament Analysis personality assessment to help clients gain personal insight. One of the nine common personality traits assessed is Dominant vs. Submissive. A healthy personality scores moderately high on dominance without being extreme. Submissive in the context of the TJTA means passive, compliant, and dependent. It does not refer to Biblical submission which is a proactive, intelligent choice to place oneself under the authority of a competent and benevolent leader. A dominant person takes appropriate responsibility for themselves and others who are under their legitimate authority without being bossy and abusive. The passive, doormat type of submission doesn&rsquo;t take ...</p>Wed, 30 Nov 2016 23:52:00 GMTUnderstanding Relationship Circleshttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/11/Understanding-Relationship-Circles
<p>God loves relationships. He is in a relationship within the Godhead. He created Adam and Eve to be in a relationship with Him as well as with one another. He wants a relationship with you and me. What stands in the way? Our sin. Until our sin is dealt with we cannot have a relationship with God. We need a savior, a sin-bearer, someone to atone for our sin. That&rsquo;s where Jesus Christ comes in. He is the sin-bearer, the only way to have a relationship with God. If we would have a relationship with God we must come through Jesus Christ.&nbsp;</p>
<p>God loves relationships. Next to this article is a diagram of family relationships. It is in the form of concentric circles of relationships. Let me explain it. At the center, the bullseye of the ...</p>Wed, 30 Nov 2016 23:52:00 GMTTen Proven Strategies for Controlling Your Angerhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/11/Ten-Proven-Strategies-for-Controlling-Your-Anger
<p>All of us get angry at times and rightly so. Anger is woven into our emotional makeup. We are made in the image of God (imago dei) and God gets angry. He is a wrathful God. The problem is that His anger is always righteous being directed at sin and unrighteousness. Our anger is seldom righteous or godly. We become angry when our goals are frustrated, when someone fails or disappoints us, when we feel wronged or experience a perceived injustice, or when we don&rsquo;t get our way. Anger is not the problem. Our motive and attitudes are. As a side note, you aren&rsquo;t angry because you inherited a short fuse from one of your parents or because of your nationality (Polish, Irish, Italian, etc.). You make the choice to become angry.</p>
<p>Anger can...</p>Wed, 30 Nov 2016 23:51:00 GMTJesus Christ was born "in the Fullness of Time"http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/11/Jesus-Christ-was-born-in-the-Fullness-of-Time-
<p>Why was Jesus born? Most of us would answer that He was born to die. That is true. He was born to die. He was born to be the perfect sin sacrifice for sinners. He did not come to die by happenstance or accident. He came in the &ldquo;fullness of time&rdquo; (Galatians 4:4). He came at the Father&rsquo;s behest and according to His eternal timetable.</p>
<p>In what way was Jesus born in the fullness of time? Here are some thoughts. The Bible prophesied that the Messiah would die by crucifixion (Psalm 22:16, Zechariah 12:10). Crucifixion was the Roman&rsquo;s primary mode of execution for those judged guilty and condemned to death. The Romans crucified the guilty; Jews did not. Jews stoned those condemned to death. Jesus was born during the Roman ...</p>Wed, 30 Nov 2016 23:51:00 GMTCommitment and Romancehttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/11/Commitment-and-Romance
<p>I don&rsquo;t usually think of commitment and romance in conjunction with each other. First comes romance and then comes commitment (or not), right?&nbsp; Romance is the fun part of getting to know a potential spouse and commitment is the serious part. What if we thought about commitment from the start? It might ultimately save some time and heartache. And what if romance remained after commitment?</p>
<p>That new love feeling is euphoric! It is the essence of teen age love or what has been called &ldquo;puppy love.&rdquo; We can probably remember the excitement of our first high school romance. Hearing a certain song from high school days can instantly send us back in time. Puppy love is named that for a reason. It is a sign of young love as ...</p>Tue, 01 Nov 2016 00:50:00 GMTFrom Opinions to Convictionshttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/11/From-Opinions-to-Convictions
<p>All of us have opinions. We have opinions about politics, about food, about television programs, about other people, about our church, about ourselves. We base those opinions on our personal likes and dislikes. If we drill down a bit deeper, our opinions are shaped by the values which we hold. As Christians, we base our values on the Bible. What does God&rsquo;s Word say about a particular issue? That is our value. The world has its set of values too. They are based on the value system informed by Satan. The world&rsquo;s values serve Satan&rsquo;s agenda and are the opposite of God&rsquo;s values.</p>
<p>How do values relate to opinions? If we value older hymns and consider them the stuff of &ldquo;real worship&rdquo; we will have a definite ...</p>Tue, 01 Nov 2016 00:50:00 GMTGive Thanks to the Lord!http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/11/Give-Thanks-to-the-Lord-
<p>Of the 48 times in the Bible in which we are called to &ldquo;give thanks,&rdquo; all 48 tell us God is to be the One we thank. That doesn&rsquo;t mean that we should never say thanks to people. Paul certainly gave thanks to the Philippian Church for their support of him. The priority, however, is giving thanks to God.</p>
<p>Why does He need to be the priority for our thanksgiving? Here are a few good reasons: God has given us our very lives. We would not be alive were it not for Him. We are forgiven of all our sins through faith in His Son, Jesus Christ. We are born again as a direct result of His choosing and calling. It is a gift of God. Every good thing we have in this life, houses, cars, spouses, children, jobs, finances, love, hope comes ...</p>Tue, 01 Nov 2016 00:50:00 GMTWhen is Residential Inpatient Therapy for Sexual Addiction the Best Approach to Treatmenthttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/11/When-is-Residential-Inpatient-Therapy-for-Sexual-Addiction-the-Best-Approach-to-Treatment
<p>Is there a point when outpatient counseling is not the most effective treatment for sexual addiction? Yes. Here are four reasons: a) Change of environment. The client is better served through inpatient therapy when his living environment or other external factors are contributing to his addiction. b) Increased accountability. Inpatient residential therapy is called for when the client would benefit from daily accountability and counseling. c) Distraction-free. Residential therapy can expedite the treatment process by permitting the client to focus on healing without the other distractions in his life. d) Specialized expertise. Finding counselors who specialize in sexual addiction is challenging. Most counselors are generalists who counsel ...</p>Tue, 01 Nov 2016 00:49:00 GMTFilling Your Intimacy Tankhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/11/Filling-Your-Intimacy-Tank
<p>In Matthew 19:5, 6 Jesus says, &ldquo;&hellip;for this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh. Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.&rdquo; I want to focus on the phrase, &ldquo;the two shall become one flesh.&rdquo; This phrase is at the heart of marriage. Marriage is a merging of two lives into one new life. This is not enmeshment in which the two lives form one indistinguishable blob nor is it disengagement in which the two lives are independent of one another. This is interdependence. Though capable of independence, the two choose to be together. This is intimacy, the two becoming one.</p>
<p>...</p>Tue, 01 Nov 2016 00:49:00 GMTThe Power of Expectationshttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/10/The-Power-of-Expectations
<p style="text-align: center">&ldquo;Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But desire fulfilled is a tree of life.&rdquo; Psalm 13:12 (NASB)&nbsp;</p>
<p>When people come for marriage counseling and also marriage preparation counseling, they often become aware that they have different expectations regarding their relationship. Expectations are beliefs about the way things will be or should be. Unmet expectations can be the source of disagreement, conflict and disappointment. Thus it is important to discover what these expectations are and how to deal with them.</p>
<p>In marriage preparation counseling, our couples complete a workbook lesson devoted to expectations. Sometimes we hear them say that they really don&rsquo;t have any specific expectations in certain areas. As they share ...</p>Sat, 01 Oct 2016 00:48:00 GMTThe Silent Killershttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/10/The-Silent-Killers
<p align="center"><strong>Unspoken Family Rules that kill family relationships&nbsp;</strong></p>
<p>All families have rules. Some are spoken and known by everyone in the family. Spoken rules might include we don&rsquo;t eat without first praying and thanking God for the food or we don&rsquo;t wear shoes inside the house, we take them off in the entryway. The rules are stated and everybody obeys them.</p>
<p>Some rules are unspoken but still known by everyone in the family. Here are five unspoken rules that are silent killers to healthy family relationships.</p>
<p><strong>1.&nbsp;&nbsp; No Talk Rule</strong></p>
<p>This rule is usually never spoken but everyone knows there are certain topics that are taboo and not to be discussed. This leads to family secrets and even hypocrisy. For example, we don&rsquo;t talk ...</p>Sat, 01 Oct 2016 00:48:00 GMTWhatever Happened to the Clan Mentality?http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/10/Whatever-Happened-to-the-Clan-Mentality-
<p>If you have read the Old Testament you&rsquo;ve probably come across the term &ldquo;clan.&rdquo; It is an ancient term meaning a unit of multiple families within a tribe. For example, after Israel&rsquo;s defeat at Ai, Joshua went on a systematic search to discover who sinned. The 12 tribes were brought before him and Judah was taken. The clans of Judah were brought and the clan of the Zerahites was taken. The leaders of the Zerahite families were brought near and Zabdi was taken. Finally, Achan was identified as the one who sinned.&nbsp; Tribes are formed from clans which are formed from families which are formed from individuals.</p>
<p>You&rsquo;re saying, &ldquo;Okay, Irv, nice history lesson but what does that have to do with me and my ...</p>Sat, 01 Oct 2016 00:47:00 GMTLeaving and Cleavinghttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/10/Leaving-and-Cleaving
<p>It seems like many young marrieds today are still attached to their parents and vice versa. As one mother exclaimed at a wedding, &ldquo;I didn&rsquo;t lose a daughter. I gained a son.&rdquo; &nbsp;It sounds like she doesn&rsquo;t want to let go of her daughter so her daughter can establish her own family. The biblical passage in Genesis 2:24 is God&rsquo;s directive on how marriages are to be launched. He says, &ldquo;Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall be one flesh&rdquo; (KJV). Leaving and cleaving, those are God&rsquo;s terms for how newlyweds are to launch their married lives. Let&rsquo;s look at the two key words, &ldquo;leave&rdquo; and &ldquo;cleave.&rdquo;</p>
<p>What does ...</p>Sat, 01 Oct 2016 00:47:00 GMTA Man of Integrityhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/10/A-Man-of-Integrity
<p>We usually understand integrity to be synonymous with words like honesty, goodness, moral decency, or righteous character. Merriam-Webster defines it this way, &ldquo;integrity implies trustworthiness and incorruptibility to a degree that one is incapable of being false to a trust, responsibility, or pledge.&rdquo; The phrase &ldquo;incapable of being false&rdquo; jumps off the page at me. Webster&rsquo;s Dictionary goes on to tell us that the term integrity is rooted in the Latin word, <em>integritas, </em>meaning &ldquo;entire or whole.&rdquo; There is a direct connection between integrity and the word &ldquo;integrated.&rdquo; A person of integrity is an integrated person. The integrated person is the same person on the inside and the outside. ...</p>Sat, 01 Oct 2016 00:47:00 GMTThe Gift of Gracehttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/9/The-Gift-of-Grace
<p>Have you ever noticed that people respond differently when receiving a gift? Some people are pleased with the gift and are genuinely thankful both for the gift and for the kindness of the person who gave it. Some people may be disappointed with the gift itself, but appreciative of the thoughtfulness of the gift giver. Some receivers of gifts may be apathetic. And still others received the gift with enthusiasm but also seem to exhibit feelings of entitlement. There are probably a variety of possible responses to receiving a gift, but I would like to focus on these two extremes: genuine thankfulness and entitlement.</p>
<p>People who come for counseling are often in need of grace. We have seen the gift of grace received with genuine thankfulness ...</p>Thu, 01 Sep 2016 00:46:00 GMTThere is no Victory without Sacrifice!http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/9/There-is-no-Victory-without-Sacrifice-
<p>Were you as amazed at the performances of the athletes at the 2016 summer Olympics as I was? These mere mortals acted like superheroes! They roared down the track at breakneck speed. They flew through the air and landed unharmed. They swam like dophins being chased by great white sharks! I&nbsp;was&nbsp;absolutely glued to the television after dinner watching the feats of these incredible human beings.&nbsp;</p>
<p>How did they become such spectacular athletes? The unheralded backstory of each helps you understand the countless hours they have spent in the gymnasium, swimming pool, track, range, etc. They have focused on the prize of a medal at the Olympics and they know the sacrifice they must make to obtain it. Many have sacrificed social ...</p>Thu, 01 Sep 2016 00:46:00 GMTFinding Joyhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/9/Finding-Joy
<p>Is it just me or does there seem to be a striking absence of joy in our lives? Yes, we get up each morning and do our daily routine but where&rsquo;s the joy in it? We experience occasional fleeting bursts of happiness but is <span style="font-size: 12px">happiness the </span>same as joy?</p>
<p><span style="font-family: helvetica"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: black; mso-fareast-font-family: &quot;times new roman&quot;; mso-ansi-language: en-us; mso-fareast-language: en-us; mso-bidi-language: ar-sa">What is joy anyway? As a young Christian I learned that joy was spelled J-O-Y: &ldquo;Jesus&rdquo; &ldquo;Others&rdquo; and &ldquo;You.&rdquo; I think the idea behind the acrostic was that joy was obtained by ordering your life by putting Jesus first in your thinking and doing, others ahead of yourself, and yourself last in line. True? I&rsquo;m not too sure about that. If I continually put the needs of others ahead of my own needs I&rsquo;ll burn out and won&rsquo;t be good for anybody. I ...</span>...</span>...</span>...</p>Thu, 01 Sep 2016 00:46:00 GMTThe Truth About Lyinghttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/7/The-Truth-About-Lying
<p>Lying is rapidly becoming more common that truth telling. And people seem to be able to lie easily and without hesitation. It is becoming more and more their automatic response. Candidates for public office lie to us to enhance their image and make themselves more electable. People lie on dating sites about who they are, what they&rsquo;ve accomplished, and even if they&rsquo;re married. Husbands lie to their wives about their internet pornography usage. Wives lie about how much money they have spent and what they spend money on. Businessmen lie to their customers about their products, pricing, and delivery times. Are we a nation of liars? Does anybody tell the truth anymore? I think there are still truth tellers among us, but not nearly ...</p>Fri, 01 Jul 2016 00:45:00 GMTI Don't Want to be Your Friend Any Morehttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/7/I-Don-t-Want-to-be-Your-Friend-Any-More
<p>One of the problems now facing many on Facebook is how to &ldquo;unfriend&rdquo; someone. Yes, the mechanics of unfriending are pretty straightforward but the emotional aspect is not. It&rsquo;s hard to tell someone that you don&rsquo;t want to be their friend any more. After all, we want people to like us, to think we&rsquo;re good people. We don&rsquo;t want to offend people or hurt their feelings. What if they don&rsquo;t understand? What if they retaliate and start a smear campaign against us with all our friends? So, emotional paralysis enters in and we do nothing.</p>
<p>Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott have some thoughts on the subject of friendships. In their excellent book, <em>Relationships: How to Make Bad Relationships Better and Good ...</em>...</p>Fri, 01 Jul 2016 00:45:00 GMTHelp! I'm Addicted to my Cell Phone!http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/7/Help-I-m-Addicted-to-my-Cell-Phone-
<p>There are a lot of cell phones in the USA. Based on Pew Research done in 2014, there were 327,577,529 cell phones. Our entire population in the USA in 2014 was only 317, 874,628! Believe it or not, the USA only ranks third among nations owning cell phones. China and India, with their massive populations, rank first and second with 1.276 billion and 1.017 billion respectively. That&rsquo;s a lot of phones! So what&rsquo;s the problem? The problem is cell phone addiction. Wait a minute. Are you saying people can become addicted to a cell phone? Yes! Easily!</p>
<p>You see it every day. So do I. People looking down at their cell phones . . . constantly. They seemingly can&rsquo;t go for long without checking their cell phones to see if someone sent ...</p>Fri, 01 Jul 2016 00:44:00 GMTBelief Does Not Equal Faithhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/7/Belief-Does-Not-Equal-Faith
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>Hebrews 11 is the &ldquo;Hall of Fame of Faith.&rdquo; In it the author starts the chapter by giving us his definition of faith, &ldquo;Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen&rdquo; (Hebrews 11:1). So that&rsquo;s what faith is, the assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of things unseen. The author illustrates that definition for the balance of the 40 verses by telling us what faith does. Faith understands that God created the universe out of nothing (ex nihilo). Faith gives acceptable offerings to God, obeys God in spite of circumstances, trusts God to keep His promises, and much more. What&rsquo;s the commonality of faith? Action. As the Apostle James declared, &ldquo;Faith ...</p>Fri, 01 Jul 2016 00:44:00 GMTEvents and Issueshttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/6/Events-and-Issues
<p>It is important in counseling to help clients understand the relationship between events and issues. Events are things that happen in life. Some are good and some are bad and some are neutral. Some make us happy. Some cause us sadness or fear. Some trigger anger. Sometimes seemingly insignificant or minor events trigger a disproportionate amount of anger. Events are just things that happen. Issues are filled with emotional impact and are often triggered by events. If you ever notice that an event causes a significant emotional reaction in yourself or someone else, that event has probably triggered an unresolved issue.</p>
<p>Most couples are not intentional about resolving issues once the anger has subsided. They may or may not apologize for ...</p>Wed, 01 Jun 2016 00:44:00 GMTGod's Prescription for Anxietyhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/6/God-s-Prescription-for-Anxiety
<p>We live in anxious times. Threats of the Islamic State of Iran and Syria (ISIS) and their allies (Boko Haran, Al Qaeda), the rollercoaster stock market, the languishing economy, the rising cost of healthcare, the fear of unemployment, the nightly reports of violent crime in our neighborhoods, and the surge in clinically-diagnosed depression combine to produce palpable anxiety in even the most even-keeled person. We need help! How can we stay calm, tranquil, and at peace in the midst of the storms swirling around us all the time? The answer isn&rsquo;t found in alcohol or Valium. God is the Answer!</p>
<p>God speaks words of comfort to us and gives us His prescription for anxiety in Philippians 4:6, 7. Listen to what He says, &ldquo;Do not be ...</p>Wed, 01 Jun 2016 00:43:00 GMTAre you Nice or Kind?http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/6/Are-you-Nice-or-Kind-
<p>Are we nice or are we kind? President Barry Corey of Biola University, a Christian university in Southern California, addresses that very issue in his book, <em>Love Kindness. </em>So what&rsquo;s the difference between niceness and kindness? Corey describes &ldquo;fierce kindness&rdquo; and &ldquo;cosmetic . . . bland niceness.&rdquo; He says, &ldquo;Niceness is keeping an employee in the job, knowing he&rsquo;s no longer the right fit but failing him and the company because you don&rsquo;t have the courage to do the right thing. Kindness calls you to tell him he&rsquo;s not the person for the position and then dignify him in the transition.&rdquo; Have you ever known that to happen? I have seen both.</p>
<p>Do we practice superficial niceness instead of...</p>Wed, 01 Jun 2016 00:43:00 GMTWhat Does the Bible Say About Work? Part Ihttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/5/What-Does-the-Bible-Say-About-Work-Part-I
<p>This is the first of a two-part article by Irv on the Biblical understanding of work. For most of the history of this nation, America has held to the &ldquo;protestant work ethic&rdquo; meaning those who know the Lord are committed to working . . . hard. They knew that &ldquo;idle hands are the devil&rsquo;s workshop&rdquo; and so they worked. This was especially true in the agrarian days of the country in which there was much to do on the farm and everyone had their assigned jobs to do. It was &ldquo;all hands on deck&rdquo; to keep the farm financially afloat. No shirkers, no sluggards allowed.</p>
<p>Life has come a long way from those agricultural days. Yes, there are still family farms but they are rapidly disappearing. Now most Americans ...</p>Sun, 01 May 2016 00:42:00 GMTParenting Adult Childrenhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/5/Parenting-Adult-Children
<p>In January 2016, Elsie and I added Parenting Adult Children to our six areas of counseling focus. We added this important area because we continue to see more and more parents come for counseling on how to deal with the problems of their, now, adult children. Their children are running the gamut of problems from cut-offs to divorce to drug/alcohol addiction to sexual immorality. The parents are asking how can we help our children and, even more, how can we protect our grandchildren. This becomes especially heart-wrenching when the parent is attached to the grandchildren. It causes them deep pain and, often, anger to see the mess their parents have made of their lives and the impact it is having on the grandchildren.</p>
<p>Here are some thoughts ...</p>Sun, 01 May 2016 00:42:00 GMTHappy, Healthy, Holyhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/4/Happy-Healthy-Holy
<p>Most people would say they want to be happy and healthy. But they usually don&rsquo;t think too much about being holy. In fact, they might even think happy and holy and not compatible goals. The truth is that happy and holy are not only compatible, they are actually interrelated. They are also related to being healthy. Healthy people are more likely to be happy and vise versa. So how does this all work together, you might be wondering. The starting point is holiness.</p>
<p>It has been said that if you pursue happiness, you will get neither happiness nor holiness. But if you pursue holiness, you will get both. Emotional, mental, and sometimes even physical health can be linked to a person&rsquo;s level of happiness and over-all satisfaction with ...</p>Fri, 01 Apr 2016 00:41:00 GMTWhy Hope is Essentialhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/4/Why-Hope-is-Essential
<p>We are Hopewell Counseling and one of the key words in our name is Hope. We provide hope-filled counseling to many who have lost hope that things will change in their lives. What do we mean by hope and why is it so essential for Christians? Hope is defined by Merriam-Webster&rsquo;s Dictionary as <em>&ldquo;</em><em>to desire with expectation of obtainment&rdquo; </em>and <em>&ldquo;to expect with confidence.&rdquo;</em>&nbsp; Hope is having the assurance that, even though you cannot see or experience something, you have confidence that it will happen. An example might be, &ldquo;I hope I passed my finals.&rdquo; Hope looks to the future and believes that the promises made will be kept. Hope is the &ldquo;kissing cousin&rdquo; of faith (1 Corinthians 13:13).</p>
<p>...</p>Fri, 01 Apr 2016 00:41:00 GMTThe Blessing of the Fatherhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/4/The-Blessing-of-the-Father
<p>How important is it to have your father&rsquo;s blessing? Very! It was so important that Esau wept over being cheated out of it by his brother Jacob. It was so important that it was the last thing Jacob gave to each of his 12 sons on his deathbed. It was so important that, prior to doing any ministry, God blessed His Son, Jesus, at His baptism. So, if the blessing of the father is that important, why don&rsquo;t we do it for our sons and daughters? What does it mean to bless your child and what are the benefits to that child in receiving it? Finally, how do we do it? What are the practicalities of blessing your child?</p>
<p>Why don&rsquo;t we fathers bless our children with a verbal pronouncement of blessing upon them? My guess is that we have ...</p>Fri, 01 Apr 2016 00:41:00 GMTWhat Do Healthy Relationships Look Like?http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/2/What-Do-Healthy-Relationships-Look-Like-
<p>It is important when we talk about healthy vs. unhealthy relationships to know what healthy relationships actually look like. Most of us seem to recognize what is not healthy and what doesn&rsquo;t work well, but knowing what to do about it is not easy. We may also have a vague understanding of what healthy relationships look like because the people in them seem to be happy, though we may not know what their relationship &ldquo;secret&rdquo; is. Consideration of some characteristics of healthy relationships may help clarify why some relationships survive and thrive and some do not.</p>
<p>Healthy lateral relationships, specifically the marriage relationship, are mutual, reciprocal, and free. Not all relationships are of equal power and authority,...</p>Mon, 29 Feb 2016 23:40:00 GMTWhat's Going on with the Purity Ministry?http://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/2/What-s-Going-on-with-the-Purity-Ministry-
<p>Nearly as many people ask me how the purity ministry is going as ask me how my retirement is going? Both are going well, thank you. The purity ministry has morphed from being led by me under the umbrella of the National Coalition For Purity to being led by motivated laymen in their churches. Evergreen Church, New Hope, is supplying these lay leaders with the purity supplies they need to launch the ministry. Recently, Grace Evangelical Free Church, Fridley, MN, under the leadership of men&rsquo;s ministry director, Doug Hanson, and former NCFP board member, Tom Simshauser, led a Friday Night Fight dinner with a focus on sexual purity. Irv was the keynote speaker. Over 60 men attended (nearly double previous Friday Night Fights!) and many ...</p>Mon, 29 Feb 2016 23:40:00 GMTThe "Whack-a-Mole" Lifehttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/2/The-Whack-a-Mole-Life
<p>Ever played &ldquo;Whack-a-Mole?&rdquo; You probably have if you have taken your children to Chuck E. Cheese. Whack-a-Mole is a very physical game in which the player gets a mallet and whacks the moles who pop up at random out of one of their seven holes. The game seemingly goes on ad nauseum until the timer runs out and no more moles pop up to whack. It is a fun but stressful game. Your adrenalin begins to flow because you have to be ready at all times to pound the daylights out of those moles and you never know from which hole they&rsquo;ll appear.</p>
<p>There are people who&nbsp;live &ldquo;Whack-a-Mole&rdquo; lives. They live from crisis to crisis. Their lives are stressful. They never know when the next crisis will appear. Will it be a ...</p>Mon, 29 Feb 2016 23:39:00 GMTSingle-Issue Christianshttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/2/Single-Issue-Christians
<p>One of the statements that I hear bantered about during this election year is that Christians are &ldquo;single-issue&rdquo; voters. The understanding of those who make this charge is that Christians are rather narrow-minded folks who only care about the abortion issue and little else. I&rsquo;d like to challenge that thinking. Christians are concerned with how candidates stand on a wide variety of issues. They are primarily concerned with the implementation of Biblical values across a broad spectrum of issues including: capital punishment, ERA, euthanasia, homosexuality, pornography, school prayer, religious freedom, secular humanism, parental rights, education, national defense, and a balanced budget to name a few. All of these issues are...</p>Mon, 29 Feb 2016 23:39:00 GMTTwo Kinds of Peoplehttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/1/Two-Kinds-of-People
<p>We have probably all heard this statement: There are two kinds of people in this world . . . . There are those who like winter and those who do not. There are folks who like lutefisk and those who do not. There are people who like cats and those who do not. There are those who like Beethoven and those who do not. Typically the statement sets apart two different groups of people, and we all fall into one group or the other. We can quickly identify the group we are in, the group in which we feel most comfortable and most compatible.</p>
<p>The two groups I want to consider in this article are people who are available for change and people who are not. I am referring to positive change, the kind of change that people seek when they come for ...</p>Sun, 31 Jan 2016 23:37:00 GMTHopewell Calendar of Eventshttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/1/Hopewell-Calendar-of-Events
<p>Although counseling individuals and couples is our bread and butter, Hopewell also partners with likeminded churches and organizations to sponsor events that are in our &ldquo;wheelhouse.&rdquo;</p>
<p><strong><u>Friday Night Fight-Friday, February 5, 2016</u></strong></p>
<p>This coming <strong>Friday, February 5, 2016</strong>, Irv will be speaking at an event called &ldquo;Friday Night Fights&rdquo; at Grace Evangelical Free Church in Fridley, MN. Friday Night Fights are an outreach of the men&rsquo;s ministry at GEFC. As the name implies, they are held monthly every Friday night and center on a specific topic for which men must fight. This coming Friday Night Fight focuses on fighting for your sexual purity. The event begins at 6:30 p.m. and includes dinner. The cost is $7.00 but don&...</p>Sun, 31 Jan 2016 23:36:00 GMTLove vs. Lusthttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/1/Love-vs-Lust
<p>It&rsquo;s February and February is the month of love. We celebrate Valentine&rsquo;s Day on February 14<sup>th</sup> and give cards, flowers, candy, or gifts of some kind to our loved ones. We want them to know they are loved but what exactly is love? Is it a feeling? Is it a decision? Webster&rsquo;s online dictionary defines it this way, <em>&ldquo;</em><em>(1)</em> strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties <em>(maternal love for a child)</em> <em>(2)</em> attraction based on sexual desire :&nbsp; affection and tenderness felt by lovers <em>(3)</em> affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <em>(love for his old schoolmates).&rdquo; </em><em>So the prevailing sentiment is that love is a feeling based on an attraction. </em></p>
<p><em>That certainly is one definition but ...</em>...</p>Sun, 31 Jan 2016 23:36:00 GMTHow Counseling Helpshttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2016/1/How-Counseling-Helps
<p>When people come for counseling, there is typically a Presenting Problem. I usually ask something like, &ldquo;What brings you to counseling at this time?&rdquo; or &ldquo;How can I help?&rdquo; Often, though, when I meet with a person for the first time, they just start talking and tell me what their problem is even before I ask. Sometimes the presenting problem is not the real problem but rather a symptom of the real problem. Even so, the presenting problem gets the counseling process started. Just as there is a reason that brings a person to counseling, there is also an expectation or hope that counseling will solve their problem or at least make them feel better. Often they are looking for a listening ear and someone who will be on ...</p>Fri, 01 Jan 2016 23:36:00 GMTReconciliation: Rebuilding Broken Relationshipshttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2015/12/Reconciliation-Rebuilding-Broken-Relationships
<p>God believes in relationships. He loves us so much and wanted a relationship with us so much that He sent His Son, Jesus the Messiah, to prove it. His own people, the Jews, rejected Him (John 1:11). How do we build relationships with people, especially people who have rejected us or &ldquo;cut us off&rdquo; from their lives? Those rejecters could be adult children, siblings, parents, or friends. How do we reconnect with them?&nbsp;</p>
<p>Before I answer those questions let me say upfront that forgiving someone does NOT necessarily mean we are reconciled and in a relationship with them. We can forgive people with God and forgive the offender but reconciling with them is a different and often more difficult step. We may choose to forgive someone ...</p>Tue, 29 Dec 2015 17:23:00 GMTUnpacking Old Baggagehttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2015/12/Unpacking-Old-Baggage
<p>Elsie and I love to drive by our neighbors&rsquo; homes at Christmastime and see the bright, colorful lights they&rsquo;ve put up. It&rsquo;s a beautiful sight. One neighbor, in particular, goes all out. He has Christmas lights, figures, inflatables, and signs wishing all a Merry Christmas. I happened to drive past his house last year about the time he was setting things up in his yard and noticed his garage. Yikes! It was packed from floor to ceiling with stuff. There is no way he could have gotten a car in it.</p>
<p>I was reminded of him and his garage as I started cleaning out clothes, shoes, ties, and jackets from my closets. I don&rsquo;t want to become like&nbsp;him so I&rsquo;m donating all my old stuff to Goodwill. I don&rsquo;t want to ...</p>Tue, 29 Dec 2015 17:23:00 GMTSilent Night, Holy Nighthttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2015/12/Silent-Night-Holy-Night
<p>When I was a child, Christmas was the happiest time of the year for me. Christmas was not hectic and complicated. It was just wonderful. It was all about Christmas carols, Christmas programs, baking cookies and treats, my aunt coming over on Christmas Eve with Santa&rsquo;s travel report, and lots of family on Christmas Day. My sisters and I liked presents and Santa when we were little, but those things did not usurp Christmas. Christmas was all about the birth of Baby Jesus. I learned all the verses of all the Christmas carols at Robert Lewis Stevenson public elementary school. The all-school Christmas program was a very big event every year. There was a required attendance policy at the evening program, but it was unnecessary for me and ...</p>Fri, 04 Dec 2015 17:22:00 GMTThe Tattoo Every Christian Will Receivehttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2015/12/The-Tattoo-Every-Christian-Will-Receive
<p>There are many things which distinguish those who are millennials (born between 1982 and 2000) from other generations including: a concern for social media whether talking on their cell phones, checking their Facebook pages or posting a comment on their Twitter accounts, this generation is skilled at multi-tasking, and very computer savvy. In addition, nearly all have at least one tattoo (or &ldquo;tat&rdquo;). Tattoos have become a defining difference between the generations with those under 40 having at least one and those over 40 seldom having one. Many millennials have tattoos over large sections of their bodies. Their tattoos may be as simple and elegant as a small butterfly or as dark and demonic as an image of the devil. Some have ...</p>Wed, 02 Dec 2015 17:22:00 GMTMinimizationhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2015/12/Minimization
<p>&ldquo;It&rsquo;s no big deal, Irv! Why are you making a mountain out of a molehill?&rdquo; We&rsquo;ve all heard those expressions. It&rsquo;s the attempt to make something smaller than it really is. The issue may be huge even life-altering but to the one minimizing it is &quot;no big deal.&rdquo;</p>
<p>Psychologists call this defense mechanism minimization. Drawing from the term &ldquo;to minimize,&rdquo; the Cambridge English Online Dictionary defines minimization as &ldquo;the act of making something seem less important or smaller than it really is.&rdquo; When I was the director of the National Coalition For Purity&nbsp;I heard many men struggling with sexual sin in their lives use minimization as their crutch on which to lean. By ...</p>Wed, 02 Dec 2015 17:21:00 GMTSqueezing Thanksgivinghttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2015/11/Squeezing-Thanksgiving
<p>Have you noticed the minimal media exposure for Thanksgiving? It&rsquo;s pathetic! There is a blast of ads for Halloween and then immediately the media turns its attention to Black Friday and Christmas. Hey, whatever happened to my favorite holiday of all, Thanksgiving? The only television ad I noticed was a supermarket ad. Can it be that Thanksgiving, because of its religious nature, is being squeezed out of our culture? Could we lose Thanksgiving? Shockingly it&rsquo;s possible! As we become more secular as a society and drift further and further from our biblical moorings, we could lose Thanksgiving.</p>
<p>Consider what has happened to other religious holidays. Whatever happened to Christmas? It has completely morphed into a secular holiday ...</p>Mon, 09 Nov 2015 17:21:00 GMTEmotional Intelligencehttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2015/11/Emotional-Intelligence
<p>Emotional intelligence is an important area of focus in the professions of counseling, life coaching and other mental health fields. It has been said to be the best predictor of work and relationship success. It is also referred to as EQ similar to the way IQ refers to someone&rsquo;s intelligence quotient. Many job applications now include EQ assessments. Unlike IQ which does not change much over the course of a person&rsquo;s life time, emotional intelligence can be improved. Emotional intelligence refers to a person&rsquo;s ability to recognize their emotions and manage them well. It also refers to the ability to understand the emotions of others and be able to manage relationships well. Emotional intelligence has a lot to do with ...</p>Mon, 09 Nov 2015 17:20:00 GMTPerfectionismhttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2015/11/Perfectionism
<p>Are you a perfectionist? How would you know? Perfectionism is defined by Webster&rsquo;s dictionary as, &ldquo;a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable.&rdquo; Perfectionism is not to be confused with excellence. According to the DSM-IV (p. 669-671), perfectionism is a characteristic of obsessive-compulsive personality disorder and drives the victim mercilessly to set unrealistic goals and attempt to achieve them. Excellence, on the other hand, is characterized by setting realistic goals and doing one&rsquo;s best to achieve them. Failure by the perfectionist often leads to despair and depression. Failure by the one committed to excellence is seen as a learning experience and leads to trying again.</p>
<p>Why do people...</p>Mon, 09 Nov 2015 17:19:00 GMTWhy We Decided NOT to Retire . . . Yethttp://www.hopewellcounsel.com/blog/2015/11/Why-We-Decided-NOT-to-Retire-Yet
<p><em>&ldquo;If you love what you do, you&rsquo;ll never work a day in your life,&rdquo; so says Marc Anthony. </em>He&#39;s right, isn&rsquo;t he? The key to loving your job is to do what you love. Sometimes that&rsquo;s not possible but it surely is a worthy goal. God has placed within us the capacity for passion and when we are passionate and love our jobs they don&rsquo;t even seem like jobs. When we are passionate about our jobs time flies and we have a hard time pulling ourselves away from what we&rsquo;re doing. The amazing thing with a job about which you are passionate is that somebody is willing to pay you for what you love doing! This is all part of God&rsquo;s grand plan for our lives. He has designed and built us with gifts, abilities, ...</p>Mon, 09 Nov 2015 17:17:00 GMT