The 10 Meanest Things Muppet Fans Said About Me Last Week

Diana Fanning

I don’t want to toot my own horn, Diana, but my original article was proof-read and approved by a panel made up of no less than Frank Oz, Brian Henson, President Obama, and Scooter. I’m not sure who else I needed to run it by, but their endorsement filled me with the confidence I needed to post my list. I guess in the future I shouldn’t take the advice of the PRESIDENT and throw it right in the garbage because you find it disgraceful. I don’t mean to get emotional, but re-reading all this rancor is tough on me.

Sam White

This comment was among several that were responding to a joke I made about Big Bird. I’d like to go on record and apologize for this joke, which was admittedly in poor taste. I often try to throw a bit of absurdity into my articles to get some extra attention. I felt there was nothing more absurd than the idea that Big Bird, known for his kindness and sweet nature, would hate Mexicans. It wasn’t very mature of me, and I see now this was the wrong topic to make such a joke about. Aside from that, most people are aware that the only group Big Bird truly loathes are the Chinese. I’m sorry for the confusion.

Madison Mantas

Madison, I saved your comment for last. Let me tell you a little story. Several months ago, I told my girlfriend how excited I was for the upcoming Muppets film. I was shocked to learn that she was not a fan of the characters, and refused to see the film with me unless I took her to see a concert. I could have seen The Muppets alone, but our society won’t accept a 31 year old male attending a Muppet film by himself. So I had the option of either waiting for DVD… or attending a Britney Spears concert. It was the most painful two hours of my life, and I’ve had a colonoscopy. Do you know what made it bearable? The thought of enjoying a brand new Muppet film in theaters. And it was worth it. But please, don’t say that I’m not a “true” Muppet fan. I may not know the details of these wonderful characters the way you do, but I promise you, I paid for my ticket to this film with blood and sweat and nightmares that you can’t imagine. I’m proud to be a Muppet fan. Now please, fellow Muppet fans, stop turfing my lawn.