"Test everything; retain what is good.” (1 Thes 5:21) A laywoman expresses concerns about issues in the Roman Catholic Church to foster positive dialogue by posing and exploring questions.
Please remember that Canon Law says it is not only a right but a duty to question the church. Also, Canon Law provides an over-riding power to the sensus fidelium (sense of the faithful). By this, Canon Law says that if the sensus fidelium (collective of the faithful) reject a law, it is not valid.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

USCCB's Spring Assembly 2013

As many U.S. children finish their school year, the U.S. bishops will
hold their annual Spring Assembly June 10th through June 14th
at the Loews Coronado Springs resort near San Diego, CA.This is a self-described “upscale waterfront
hotel” that is a “blissful Pacific oasis” with “world class service.”It has a marina, boat rentals, gondola
cruises, tennis courts, 3 swimming pools, multiple beaches, 4 restaurants, and
24 hour room service – all the amenities one might expect for discussions about
a guy born in a stable who hung out with the poor.

Actually, unless along with the copious notes about their obstruction
of justice on child sexual abuses the hierarchy’s secret archives also contain uncirculated
scriptural texts called something like, “Paul’s Epistle to the Opulent,” this
initially seemed a confusing venue choice.However, thinking about kids going to summer camps and the bishops’ self
acclaimed status as the closest thing on Earth to Jesus, I eventually realized
this venue makes perfect sense.The
bishops must be going to summer camp!

I’m assuming they’re electing to stay in tents on the property’s 15
acres rather than in the resort hotel.Or, maybe since Jesus was born in
a stable, they will instead opt to sleep in the parking garage. Obviously, I
would expect their transportation partner to be the Greyhound Bus since reliable
donkey transportation is tough to find these days.Plus, this provides great opportunities to
bond with the people while being environmentally friendly.

Much like any respectable camp, the 400+ bishops will divide into camp
units and tents.Each tent will have its
own cheer and compete for the coveted Spirit award.In an effort to encourage diversity, tent
cheers can be in English, Spanish or Latin.Extra credit will be given for multi-lingual cheers or ones done in
Gregorian style chant. Here are some
examples.Sorry about the audio quality
but my volunteer recording artist lacks sophisticated equipment.

7:00 p.m. – 9:00 p.m. Dinner and free time for people to talk to the
bishops

9:00 p.m. Lights Out!

Elective Session Descriptions:

Carpentry and Home Repair –
Build your independence and reduce diocesan costs at the same time! Learn
simple maintenance and carpentry skills so that like the apostle Paul, you too
can get off the dole and earn your own living.Help with simple repairs at diocesan facilities or even at the homes of
elderly, infirmed and impoverished people.As a bonus, learn the Aramaic expletives Joseph shouted after hammering his thumb,
just like Jesus learned as a child.

Care for the Poor – Travel to
exotic locations like Tijuana, Mexico ten miles south of the resort or even just
down Highway 75 from your resort to encounter real-live people with economic
challenges! Spend 2 hours a day as Jesus
did, walking amongst the poor, feeding them and rendering them dignity.

Heal the Sick – Has it been
a while since you pulled off a good healing miracle?Try heading just a little north of your
resort to Sharp Coronado Hospital or one of San Diego’s other fine hospitals where
you’ll find plenty of sick people.Activities include running errands for urgent care patients and staff, holding
the hands of dying people, mopping the brows of single mothers giving birth,
holding emesis basins for vomiting patients, visiting lonely patients, and many
other Jesus-like activities.

Apostolic Water Sports - This
location is near water and boats just like where Jesus and the Apostles used to
congregate!Who needs water-skiing when
you can walk on water?Learn to trust
Jesus as much as Peter by trying to stand on water.Campers will also learn to row boats, cast
and mend nets, in addition to catch, clean, bone and fry fish.

Mandatory
Lay Supervised Ministry Lesson Descriptions

June 10th, 11th, and 12th

Bishops will meet with clergy abuse survivors and listen to individuals’
stories.They will be fined one golden
chalice, one silk vestment, 1% of parish assessments and one month’s income for
every empty trite expression they utter.Fines will be doubled for any insinuation that clergy abuse is a) over,
b) tied to homosexuality or c) somebody else’s fault besides the clergy and the
bishops who enabled them.Bishops will
apologize to individuals and draft plans to lobby for extension of the statute
of limitations for criminally prosecuting child sexual abuse in every state.They will commit funding to this lobbying
effort equal to twice the amount they have used in the past to block such
legislative measures.They will each
bring their secret archives and allow the abuse survivors to read them.Any bishops who enabled a sexually abusive
priest, lied about one, left one in active ministry, or manipulated to get around
legally prosecuting one will submit their resignations immediately.They will retire to a life of driving sexual
abuse survivors to their therapy appointments.

June 13th

Bishops will be confined to quarters listening to homilies given by men
they ordained.Homilies will be selected
by laypeople in their respective dioceses.Lay people will lead the bishops through fact-checking, theology
correction and other exhilarating activities.Bishops will build action plans directed by laypeople on how to improve
preaching capabilities in their dioceses.

June 14th

Bishops will meet for 2 hours listening to a panel of women speak.Common sexist, chauvinist and misogynist
themes used by clergy will be highlighted.Additionally, women will instruct bishops about human sexuality,
marriage, motherhood and raising children.They will then administer a test for comprehension.Any bishop receiving less than 95% on the
test will immediately enter remedial training supervised by women or resign.Women from
each diocese will also lead their bishops in drafting a plan to eliminate
sexism in their respective dioceses.Bishops will supply cookies for and serve punch at the session.

What do you suppose are the chances that the bishops’ agenda will look
anything like this? How many of the people the bishops are charged to serve do you think can afford to stay at this resort in any place besides a tent or parking garage? What is the proper response to the U.S. bishops' semi-annual assembly so as to increase it's effectiveness and alignment with gospel principles?

This bishops’ summer camp program seems wholesome for all. They’ve got some impressive cheers at that! I’m totally depicting it. Oh my, who will get the Spirit Award? Tent One, for their contagious joy? Tent Two’s powerful boasting of the Lord? The downright heroic endurability of Tent Three? Or maybe another of their excellent tents? I expect a close run.

No thanks necessary; it was your wonderful idea and well executed (even if it was a bit long - it was well worth the read)!

You forgot the elective about Gratitude MacGyver-style: learn to make do without those things you forgot to pack and make thankful use of the things you remembered. See just how far a paperclip and ball of twine can get you and rejoice in the Creator's work being continued in you today.

About Me

I am a single mother of three who from the eyes of the Roman Catholic hierarchy is in full communion with the Church. But I question if any woman is capable of being in full communion with the Roman Catholic Church due to clericalism, sexism, and the marginalization, and emotional abuse of women.
I hold a master degree in theology from Loyola (Master of Pastoral Studies, M.P.S.). I am not employed by the Catholic Church but rather am an executive consultant.
Some ask if I want to be a priest. We are baptized priest, prophet and king. I feel I am more called to exercise my prophetic voice than a priestly one.
(Artwork supplied courtesy of one of my daughters.)