The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any. – Alice Walker.Do you manage the finances in your household? Does your spouse? Do you share the responsibility equally? If it is anything less than equal, ask yourself why. You may first claim it’s convenience–they are at the office and can write the checks, manage the accounts, meet with our financial advisor, etc. But, if you dig a little deeper–stay with me now–is there something else?

Do you believe you aren’t good with money? Does your spouse believe that about you and reminds you of this? Do you spend either too little money in fear of poverty or too much using a “throw caution to the wind” approach? If so, consider how you can change that by removing the element of fear. Try to shed all of your childhood beliefs around money.. Raised poor or rich you, probably grew up with some idea about it. Perhaps you learned It is bad form to talk about it, it’s the husband’s job to manage it, you never expected to work for more than “pin” money, etc. Whatever the root of your money management beliefs, and whether you stay married or divorce, this dynamic should change. It is still a startling and terrible fact that many women, when confronted with the death of a spouse or a divorce, are unprepared to manage their own assets and liabilities.It’s not because we can’t. Obviously. It’s often because we haven’t done it. Inaction sometimes turns into feelings of “can’t” rather than “don’t.” Stop that pattern now. Sit down with your spouse and find out the facts. Ask to participate in monthly bill paying sessions, quarterly sessions with a financial planner and larger discussions about how you will manage your assets together. Put simply: you cannot afford not to do so. Your own future, married, divorced or widowed may depend upon it.In order to implement a plan of action, take these three simple steps to involve yourself with your money:

Make a plan to discuss your money with your spouse;

Make a plan to understand your assets with a financial planner or other professional, including budget tools, if offered;

Make a plan to divide or share the monthly bill paying obligations with your spouse and be aware of budget numbers. Participate in setting and keeping budgets.

Taking these simple steps will give you confidence and strength in your marriage. If you are faced with the death of your spouse or even divorce, you will be far better able to participate in a fair division of assets and a clear understanding of them. Understanding is the beginning of participation. Participation allows you to have power. Equality around money in a marriage allows spouses to have more respect for the contributions of their partner. It also allows you to prepare for a future over which you may not have total control. Don’t cede your power by default or inaction. It’s your life. Make sure you play a role in managing it

Divorced Exposed Podcast with Debbie DeChambeau: Nesting: What Is it and Is it For You?Featuring Cherie Morris

EPISODE 11 – NESTING: An innovative way to keep your children from having to go back and forth with visitation. Nesting isn’t for everyone, but it’s a concept that we need to explore more and try to figure out ways to make it work. Parents don’t always get along hence they divorce, but that’s not the children’s fault. Why do they have to pack up every other weekend to go visit mom or dad? Why do they have to have their life disrupted because their parents couldn’t figure things out. Could this be one of the reasons why we have so many issues with millennials today. Parents are over compensating for the divorce. It’s complicated, and there isn’t one right or wrong answer, but the parenting issue needs to be at the top of the divorce discussion.Our guest, Cheri Morris, is a divorce coach with Dear Divorce Coach. She’s an attorney who pivoted her career into coaching, based on her own divorce. Nesting is one of the areas she explores with couples as they divorce. DIVORCEThe first time you get divorced, there are a lot of questions, a lot of overwhelm. How you handle it is somewhat influenced by who is initiating the divorce. If it’s you, the emotions might be very different than if it is your spouse who wants the marriage to end. COACH VS. THERAPYIt’s a process, with phases that many of us go through. We can’t see them when we are in the middle of it, but others on the outside that work with divorcing people will tell you that they see many of the same patterns. A coach can help you through this and keep things in check. At the end of the conversation we talk about the difference between a therapist and a divorce coach. Hiring a divorce coach is an added expense to the divorce process, but it can be one that brings a lot of value to the end results as well. It could also save you a lot of money by staying out of court through some practical negotiating strategies. If you are going through a divorce and have children, get them into therapy right away. You might be ok with the divorce, but they need help processing what is going on! Please don’t ignore this important piece, no matter what their age. It’s particularly important for teens and early twenty somethings. That should be something you do before you start processing the paperwork with an attorney! SHARE THE LOVEIf you like what you hear in this podcast, please share it with a friend or family member. The divorce rate is over 50% in the US and a lot of people are thinking about divorce long before they actually take the first step. Knowledge is power and each episode provides value for helping those who are married or contemplating divorce. You can listen to this podcast on the website at DivorceExposed.com or iTunes if you have an iphone, Spotify if you have an account and if you are a droid user, go to your app store, you can download any number of podcast player apps where you will also find the podcast such as Stitcher and Google Play. ​