Just say no. You don't have the space, don't need the stress, and it's just not ok to do this at the last minute. It would completely change the flavor of the event you were planning. Lack of planning on their part does not constitute an emergency on yours.

It's not your job to facilitate Jack, Jill, MIL, SIL, etc. They can make their own plans.

This is when you can deploy the old e-hell favorite "I'm afraid that won't be possible". Send a very nice message back stating that unfortunately it won't be possible to accommodate any extra guests. End with vague plans to get together at some other time.

I really was on the fence here and I honestly took the advice about "Just say No." The most important advice I took into consideration was the thought of inconveniencing my other guests by making the gathering uncomfortably crowded, using paper plates, etc. All of your comments made a lot of sense to me. In fact I even drafted an e-mail to BIL because I strongly agreed with all of you.

I think there were two factors in making my decision . . .

First, the back of my mind I had a niggling thought of MIL saying something like "Oh, you should have invited them. It's been years since I've seen Jack and Jill! We would have made it work." Actually, MIL has too much grace and probably wouldn't have said that out loud but it was my own self-guilt-trippy thing. I love MIL and enjoy doing special things for her (she's almost 80.) I think that Jack and Jill coming would be a wonderful surprise for her.

Second, and really the deciding factor, is that due to the weather I was toying with the idea of renting a tent anyway. Didn't really want to spend the extra money, but even without the extra people this probably would have been a good idea . . . gives people more roaming room. So I bit the bullet and rented a tent, an extra table and chairs. Doing this really put my mind at ease.

Back-n-forth e-mails between me and BIL: There will only be 6 extra people (BIL, SIL, younger DD & BF, and Jack & Jill). BIL said that SIL will be bringing a bunch of appetizers and I asked if they could bring plates and flatware (especially steak knives.)

Just because BIL has suddenly realized that your party is going to be the happening party does not give him the right to gate-crash at the last minute.

This is the happening party of the year!

This is an annual event (horseradish, anyone? ) and I'm betting that's why BIL asked if it would be okay for him to bring his guests. When he actually called me with his regrets (instead of our usual e-mails) he sounded very disappointed about having to miss this event.

Again, I thank everybody for your thoughts and advice. Even though I went against most of what you all posted, reading your words helped me decide . . . because BIL doesn't usually have a rude bone in his body.

Glad your making it work and I'm sure your MIL and BIL will appreciate your generosity.

I wish sometimes we had a "like" button! Glad it's all working out.

I live by myself so down sized to a smaller home. But, my place is still the go to for celebrations (hostess to the mostess, I guess, ) but I manage to make it work. Best investments: 2 folding tables, and a few folding chairs. Stored in the basement but they come out often!

The more I think about it -- I'm leaning towards finding a gracious way to host on paper plates without enough seating for everyone.

TBH I think that's kind of rude to your current guests. As things stand now, everyone who is attending can be comfortably accommodated. But then someone comes along who originally said 'no', then changed their minds and not only that, wants to bring extra people, which in turn will lead to the first lot of people getting a different, dare I say lesser, party to one they RSVPed for.

I'm not at all against parties where people eat off paper plates (I've done it heaps of time myself), and/or there's inadequate seating (BTDT) - if that's the plan from the beginning, which this wasn't. There's also the possibility of Jack and Jill's kids coming as well, which take it beyond the 8 mentioned in the title, and would make things even more crowded.

when I accept a dinner invitation, I don't assume that I know anything about whether the hostess will use paper plates or not!

It's not a restaurant, where I am making an agreement with someone in what should be an even exchange (my money; their food & service).

Jpcher's hospitality is a gift. They're accepting the pleasure of her company, not her food and china. And do they even know whether they'll be sitting down, eating on paper plates, etc.? So I don't see this as being a problem in terms of "getting a different party than the one they RSVPed for."

I do like the idea of asking BIL to help with some of the hosting logistics. In a way, it's appropriate because you are now jointly hosting. You're primary host; he's secondary. Sort of "sous" host. Ask him to loan you stuff.

Just an LOL I wanted to share, because at this point I'm simply rolling with the flow. Whatever will be, will be.

I got a call from my mother last night, which completely surprised me because my parents were off on a 2 week vacation to their favorite campsite in their wonderful motor home. They never call anybody while they're away. I was a bit concerned so I asked "Is everything okay? Where are you?"

Mom (Big Sigh): We're home. We got kicked out of our campsite and all the other national parks are closed so we couldn't go anywhere else.

But the good news is . . . We can come to your party!

Me: Great! We have plenty:P of room!

Which is actually true since the extra 8 turned into 6, so it's a really good thing I rented the extra table and chairs!

Getting the tent & extra table/chairs turned out to be a great plus. Quite a few people opted to sit out there instead of around the dining table. (Extra expense, but very happy guests . . . thanks, again, everybody for pointing out the guest-comfort thing.)

The weather held out, it was overcast but still nice, until (of course ) about 20 minutes after I lit the grill. There was such a torrential downpour (I moved the grill to underneath the awning) and people still hung out under the tent. The storm lasted only about 40 minutes or so then the skies cleared up again.

The best part? Were the guests. You should have seen the look on MIL's face when Jack & Jill showed up. It was priceless. It wasn't awkward for J&J at all, they mingled with everybody . . . I don't remember Jill being such a personable person. I think I really like her!

It turns out that Jack just recently "found" BIL because he was looking to reconnect with LDH. He didn't know that LDH passed away. So I'm really glad I was able to accommodate them and didn't turn them away.