Mindfulness and meditation are gaining in popularity. The science that backs the benefits is becoming mainstream, launching new level of awareness for the general population. Being raised by hippies, meditation was always a part of "my world" yet knew that it wasn't a "normal" thing for my peers and their families.

I'd estimate that 80% of the mothers I work with identify self-care as the 1st area that needs their attention for their health and well-being. As that area gets attention, we identify the gaps and brainstorm ways to support her choices toward her ideal, happy and healthy Self. As women learn to tune into themselves to see those areas in a light that can support them (rather than just seeing the glaring gaps), meditation has proven a useful too.

There are A LOT of meditation apps, programs, courses, and methods. Recently, I heard feedback online in a Facebook feed where a mom was frustrated by her attempts to meditate. The thing is, you can't "do it wrong". She was trying a breath focused meditation and felt like it added pressure to breath a certain way which only added stress to how she was feeling instead of releasing it. My encouragement was to try a word, phrase, or sound instead of her breath. Start with 1 minute instead of trying for longer...it's a brain muscle that needs to be warmed up and like exercise, you wouldn't go for a run if you haven't run in 20 years, you'd start with a walk.

Regarding those pesky, interrupting thoughts, consider this perspective. You're currently living IN YOUR BODY and you have to stay connected to form. Imagine the mantra as a vehicle connecting to the Heavens, but our bodies need oxygen so our thoughts bring us back to Earth in an atmosphere our bodies can live in. We can notice and release our thoughts, return to the ship (mantra) connecting to the Divine and go again. Each experience building on the one before and over time, we can travel for longer with fewer breaks between. Increasing our capacity and stamina takes time...like the "pray without ceasing" practice. We return to worry, fear, fret, frustration less and less when we intentionally surrender, submit, participate and choose Love, trust, grace, patience, etc.

Mindful, intentional, present moment living forces Higher level of participation and awareness. Functioning with this greater awareness helps us to make wiser choices, releasing what is no longer serving us, our culture, our minds, our bodies, and family stories.

Especially big endings challenge us to reflect, yes? Experiencing and processing my mother’s passingsince last spring has challenged my relationship with the impermanence of “this world”. The moment she left her body, I felt a wave of her Spirit pass in me. Just hours before, my daughter sent a video to my phone where we heard the heartbeat for the 1st time of my grandson, a new life that will arrive within the month now. Gratefully, “Life does go on”. Often it is with great heartache though that we release what was to come to accept and embrace the next seasons.

Grief is a mysterious emotion, isn’t it? The companion of loss is still washing over every aspect of my life though the waves come with varying impacts. Some are gentle and others knock the wind out of me. Those enormous ones catapult me into depths of introspection and then the outburst of emotion that come from having allowed the vein to be tapped. Over the summer months, in moments of my deep reflection, during the especially “darker” ones, I found myself asking “what’s the point of living if it’s going to pass and end anyway?” On a simple, not heavy scale, the question could easily be asked why to decorate for fall holidays if they’re going to end? Why participate?

The asking was far more important than answering for me. Asking made room for my grief and its spectrum of emotion to surface. That needs to happen.

Answering was a pep talk, a positive spin, a way to tidy up my thoughts before returning to the day to day and week to week participation with “my world” and the people I do Life with. The pep talk tethered me back to the commitments I’ve made and the work I’ve agreed to. Recently, I heard Dr. Bernice King refer to the work we’ve agreed to as “our assignment”.

The inner dialog sounded something like “Well, silly, the same reason you make your bed, wash your dishes, or brush your teeth. It’s the same reason you decorate for the holidays then pack them up for the next one; participating well with the season that is currently presenting itself.” Could we ever question the seemingly small act of supporting Life by changing a diaper or feeding a child simply because they’ll be hungry again later? Life goes on and we’re still called to participate. Even the night before mom died, she brushed her teeth and tended to the Life remaining as she could.

In the darker moments, my eyes close and the struggle is real to release what was. The CHOICE to return to what IS, accepting the impermanence, change, and loss has sometimes has felt like an emotional wrestling match of sorts. Opposing emotions, sometimes reacting or pausing to assess and counter with a worthy and effective move to gain leverage in my actions and behaviors.

When I’m challenged, I try to simplify the big picture using coaching techniques on myself. I wonder and get curious. I ask questions and look for lessons to support my processing. More often than not, simple examples usually present when I’m trying to wrap my head around an experience I’m having.

Recently, I was trying to untangle my iPhone earbuds to call my sister while I drove to an appointment. The temptation was to pull and yank, forcing the cords free from the tangled mess they had become. Pulling only tightened the knots, creating more work and frustration, adding to the time it would take to resolve my little challenge. My little challenge offered insight to honoring the bigger beast I’m facing as I move and participate with the “knots” in me.

For me, a healthy shift in my processes came when I paused, looked more closely, and notice the needed moves.I paused, noticed that what I needed in that moment was:

Connection

Validation

Understanding

Compassion

I untangled the feelings I was wrestling with while freeing the knots to use my headset.

My sister said, “me too”. When put together, these two words become incredibly powerful. Next to the phrase "I love you", I'm not sure what else ranks as high. I'd suggest that this is partly why support groups are so effective.

Knowing that we are not alone facilitates our processes with a safe somebody to reflect with. Engaging with our needs; identifying them and taking responsibility to meet them affects our future. As individuals and collectively as humanity, we are impacting the Life that DOES GO ON.

Like with so many other hard bends in this journey, “going through” is required to arrive on the “other side” of loss. I choose to participate well with the Life that is still IN ME, engaging well with the Life around me. This doesn’t mean that I don’t take breaks to grieve, process, reflect, renew and restore. Losing Mom was a catalyst for me to embrace impermanence. At a new level, I am allowing change instead of resisting, making room for Peace and participation that shifts the experience enough.

My processes (and the results of them) are both impermanent and imperfect. I'll change again.

A dark moment still can come and say, “what’s the point then?” Sometimes I still sit in the dark where I wrestle then submit. Ah, but Light comes because the dark moment can’t last either…and Light shines again, forcing the growth from the buried, dark space, inviting me to say “yes” again; participate well so that the reflection FROM ME to what I leave behind is good too.

What grows out of the dark moments takes time; the sad, dark, grieving moments are also impermanent. They have already changed so much. Another will return, inviting me to participate well with it too. Waves…they do retreat, they go under and out, they leave their mark, washing away a layer of what I “perceived” to reveal a Truth; a treasured knowing more deeply, that the one thing immune from impermanence is Love (aka God).

This truth reminded me of the Bookmark Prayer by St. Teresa of AvilaLet nothing upset you,Let nothing afright you.Everything is changing;God alone is changeless.Patience attains the goal.Who has God lacks nothing;God alone fills all her needs.I can allow (vs. resist) the parts of Life that aren’t as I might design them; I can grow my imperfect patience, and accept the imperfect parts of myself and others. I can represent the best I can today…and not expect any more of myself (or others) than that. We’ll keep changing because that is the way this impermanent Life works.

Life does goes on. Love lives on. My mother’s love lives on IN ME and many. I know more completely in my core, in the bones and fibers of my body, that I am to Love well in my impermanent and imperfect state.

I have kids in Elementary, Middle and High schools again this year, all respective "seniors". The innocence of kindergarten days are left for my growing grandchildren. Social Media is a territory that my mother couldn't have prepared me for in respect to the technology, but she (with the help of others) did equip me well with a heart to reflect my responsibility and value on this planet.

A friend wrote the following poem, sharing some thoughts on taking selfies. With school starting and my kids getting more deeply knit into networks, groups, and social pressures, I thought a valuable reminder of the compassionate space I want to "hold" for my kids ...and the parents that are walking in this hard season of navigating the ever changing social media scene. It's easy to get "off my map" and act from fears, comparisons or become uber sensitive and vigilant to the "rules" and tools instead of courage, trust, faith, hope, and Love.

I'm honored to have walked with clients through intimate moments as they learn that they're the only ones who expect themselves to be all things to all people and that they are, in fact, enough. As a sweet perk to my work, the lessons they're embracing further and deepen my own and so more importantly, increase the space they can hold for their children to learn too.

When I can look at mySelf with love and compassion, I can more easily hold that for my kids, their peers and the confused culture that is trying to figure this "all" out too.

We Take Our PicturesBecause We Are LonelyAnd We Have Not Been Seen.We Take Our Pictures Because We Are BeautyBut We Find It Hard To Believe .We Take Our Pictures Because We Are HereAnd It Feels So Damn Important To Document Our Being.We Take Our PicturesBecause Our Sadness Is HeavyAnd Our Portraits Suspended Outside Of OurselvesLessens The Load .We Take Our Pictures Because We Are Scared-We Are Afraid Of Being Alone .We Take Our Pictures Because We Are SacredWe Are An OfferingAnd A Prayer For Grace.We Take Our Pictures To Pin Down Our Memories Vaguely Knowing That So ManyHave Evaporated Away.We Take Our Pictures Because We WonderHow Much Do They See?How Well Do I Cover My Flaws?.And We Keep Taking Our Pictures Because We Have Been Convinced Over And Over Again That We Aren't Quite Enough

​I often start a client sessions by asking what the BEST MOMENT was since we talked last. Because the client anticipates this, it has helped them to scan their days for good parts and stay open to moments that might qualify as one of the “best”. Many times, the answers to my question come with a feeling and experience that interestingly, lands us “on the map” of their best version of themselves. This “map” is something we created in their 1st session and morph as we traverse and explore the terrain.

When I first began this practice for myself, I could quickly and easily identify my “NOT MY BEST MOMENTS” (off the map of me at my best). Practicing intentional observation, usually with patience and Grace, I began to ask myself how those “not best moments” could have been “on my map”. Because learning and growing is on my map, the observation of “not my best” began to shift to be another lesson, feedback, insight and reminder of where I desire change to take place. Instead of being “outside” the boundaries or off the grid, I welcomed the moment as a gift that elevated my awareness. I began to enjoy "my map", realizing that I AM living a life I desire to live. Phew...what Peace I can embody with that awareness. Often, there needed to be an apology to myself or another because the behavior I had observed as “not my best” contradicted what I knew was kind, loving, patient, etc…all those qualities I hope to bring to my part of the planet.

Driving one of my sons to school, reviewing the list of “did you do this that and the other?”, I found myself frustrated and using a tone of voice I wouldn’t want to be talked to in. I know that my frustration largely stemmed from my own list of responsibilities that morning; from neglecting to plan well, adapt to and negotiate the unexpected, and prioritize the wants and needs of the day. All too quickly, we were at the front of the carpool line and it was time for him to get out. Ouch, wait, I just dumped on him...shoot…I'm sorry...another morning feedback session. Bless that kid who received my apology during the car ride home that afternoon and forgave me. He also seemed to have been able to have a great day despite my attitude and we chatted about how we don't have to take on someone else's "bad moments". What if my "not best moment" actually facilitated one of my better ones? So then was it a "bad moment" after all? That morning car ride made room for one where we talked about, extended and received Grace

Throughout the day, moment to moment, life season to life season, shifts take place that can engage and grow us. Especially as mothers, we spin a lot of plates, having so many areas we are dedicated and desire to give ourselves to. When we create order, anticipate needs, and what unfolds looks different that the "plan", we must edit and adapt. This is Life. Shifting into new growth can be uncomfortable (labor transition, anyone?) yet bring the next level of awareness and participation.

Grace enough.​That statement alone covers volumes of thought and years of living…there is Grace enough.Onward.

She was placed in my arms, only 8 lb 8 oz, little compared to her brother...and a female…who I was called to mother, to train up to be woman. I had to more than mother her, I had to model "woman" for her.

This child became, with or without me; she was and IS AMAZING. (They all are, btw.) Watching the growth, the struggle, the suffering that brings life forth, the hard lessons that grow self-awareness and self-discipline, the laughter and tears, the asking and receiving, the Powerful expression that impacts FAR BEYOND her knowing.

Our kids become…we became. We are all still becoming…and there is much to be grateful for in that.

Do you hear them too? I've felt as if they scream at me and say "PAY ATTENTION TO ME. GIVE ME YOUR ENERGY AND TIME!" along with the concert of other voices and areas I desire to give mySelf to, improve, turn beautiful, and invest in.

I'm not sure when the shift happened. I imagine it began from seeds my people planted in me. It was certainly cultivated by reading Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach decades ago and nourished through recovering from loss and adjusting expectations of how life "should look".

At some point it happened though. Instead of being frustrated by the mess my life makes, I chose to embrace it...usually and mostly (not always). My dirty dishes means there was food for them...whoever I'm feeding. The laundry meant there were resources to clothe them and that they had a day to adventure in them.

There are parents who would give their lives so their children could dirty dishes and laundry. I know too many of these parents. Often, it's simply the progression of them moving into adulthood and they're not home to dirty your dishes...and you only see the laundry when they visit. No matter, the time is fleeting and precious....and I'm grateful for dirty dishes...and I hope to teach them well so they can wash them too, prepare good food for others and be thankful for the opportunity to commune at the table.

We have MUCH to be grateful for. I hope when you look at your sink, you can smile instead of frown. I hope you can see the pile with gratitude and maybe invite a companion near to help you...

"I'm not a saint" she said through her oxygen mask, waving me off as I affirmed her impact on my Life and therefor the life of SO MANY.

As my mom was taking her last breaths (I knew this when others couldn't acknowledge it yet), she shrugged off her Power in the world. I couldn't / wouldn't let her not know...I desperately needed her to KNOW that SHE CREATED CHANGE...she held love, unconditional love, she saw potential, she gave room for growth, she allowed suffering for us to be refined...she was a midwife through and through and allowed contractions, rest, expansion, more contraction, more rest, more expansion that facilitated the birth of something IN US, for us, but more, a Highest expression. I needed her to know her value as she released herSelf into the Story...it spoke to me of Kingdom Come. She lived her life representing Love well.

"I know you're not perfect" I said. She also taught me a lot about Grace and forgiveness.

​How would I know to question authority and think from my mind, later to align to Big Mind? No, not perfect, but my goodness, as close as she had the capacity to be.

Isn't that our hope? To be as close to the Design? May we know our Design more...may we BE ourSelves...and make room for others to too. This last bit of her clay was given to me this week by her dear friend, a pottery sister. A treasure for me...and many...we'll never know how far reaching...

Be it ingredients in the food you eat (and prepare), the space you live in or the schedule you keep, the simpler you can make it, the more energy, love and Life force you'll have available to contribute to your passions, relationships and Good Work.

As you move through your day today, see if you can just be curious about what could be eliminated to simplify things in "your world". Try not to judge harshly or condemn, but rather, just wonder and slowly create change. It's important to let it be gradual and to trust the process. Change takes time; some edits require more time than others...your job is to simply participate well in the processes you're in.

My wish for you today is that you can delight in simple pleasures and find great joy in the healthiest parts of your life.

There; a public and official "out there" in my professional sphere. It’s big…and she was one of my very best friends.

While I’ve been so incredibly fortunate to use the many varied stages of my growth as a mom to support and encourage other mothers, losing my mom is not one I would have chosen to add to my list of experiences. To be blunt, it sucks and I’ve been a bit of a mess. After learning of Mom’s passing, a friend welcomed me to the “club that no one wants to join”. Seriously. I didn’t want to “have a happy Mother’s Day” this year…I wanted to cry and sleep and cry some more.

It was a wise thing for me to set up a recording (it's the same call from January in case you've already listened) instead of the work needed to do the group call every month. Mom needed (and I was grateful to give) more support those last few months. I needed time to be a mess with fewer responsibilities and commitments in the months that followed.

Don’t misunderstand, I’m still walking my talk as a health coach; I’m still committed to an optimal expression of me and my authentic potential. I’ve learned that my “best version of me” in grief eats WAY MORE bagels and drinks more wine…and I’m okay with that…for a season. It was good for me to make peace with how my “map” changed (adding bagels for example). I’ve made allowances for slowing down, reaching to female friends, sisters, and daughters so to stay knit “in” when losing Mom sometimes feels like my foundation is shaking and the pain strikes in ways I haven’t experienced before. To be clear, I’ve faced and gone through some pain (I do have 5 children after all) …this is new pain and one that I couldn’t have anticipated. Like labor the first time, nobody can truly prepare you, right?

There has been growth, but not like I had “planned” this spring. I thought maybe a garden, a few more chapters of the books, and for certain, the video workshop would be ready for launching in May, in time for Mother’s Day. All of this will still come, I chose to believe that, but the timing is edited.

As we celebrate Mother’s Month, I ache for my friend and rejoice that I had her as long as I did. I’m very fortunate to have been close with my mother; we weren’t for a season and our healing was much like a scar that has more strength than the original skin.

In losing her, I gained so much. In the months that proceeded her death, we got even clearer with each other, more transparent and raw than perhaps ever. We experienced a multitude of Divine gifts that we couldn’t have anticipated. I wrote of my mother’s last few days, but short of you sifting through the journal, I’ll share just a few of the gifts we experienced. I’m honored to have received them and to pass them to you in the hope that they’ll encourage you to trust more and to see more of a Divine expression in your day.

Just an hour before her death, my mom, a midwife who had 5 babies of her own and delivered thousands, heard the heartbeat of her next great grandchild.

The Hospice director knew my mother and credited her with having taught her to deliver babies more than 30 years ago at Grady Hospital. My mother waited until Dr. Washburn was in the room with my sister and I to “midwife us” as she passed.

I sensed a wave as she left her body. Like an ocean wave leaves some of itself on the beach before it returns; she left much in many and has now returned. This experience has forever changed me.

The “weight” of this experience is one I’ll walk with, learning to surrender it too; allowing it to shape me still, and I'll come to Peace with my loss. The lesson (again) that I’m not alone in my private pain returns to the surface. Lessons that that deepen my ability to hold joy with that new heartbeat, new sunrise, and new hope in humanity because I can trust Divine details more as a result of the immensity of what I've experienced this year.

So for now, the OptiMOM Coaching projects are slowly getting attention and energy again ... while also caring for who and what remains in mom's absence….me included.

Hormones alone can trigger the roller coaster of emotions and sensations, but throw in the overwhelming pressure of keeping a new human alive and we can face a dark and lonely predicament. Motherhood is unfamiliar territory even when we’ve done it before. There is a NEW one, a NEW relationship to embrace and surrender ourselves to. No amount of “playing house” or other people’s insights could prepare us for the changes we face. For all the research, all the potential support, all the suggestions of others, many mothers are still facing a depression that challenges their own well-being as well as the well-being of their families. Depression can cost our ability to live well, to function from a place of present Love and it compromises our health…as individuals and as a collective Body.

Many mothers I’ve supported have experienced depression as the result of overwhelm. Life is a LOT. We live in potentially the MOST overwhelming time in history. We’re faced with a more toxic load (physical, energetic and emotional) than ever before and trying to keep so many plates spinning. Through media, we’re holding knowledge that is potentially more than is “ours to carry” ...though some of what we hold may be what we really are called to grow with; information we're given, making informed choices for ourselves and our children.​Mothers worry for the safety of their family; be it physical, chemical, nutritional, or emotional. The threats are all around us, it’s our “job to notice them”; others certainly don't hesitate to remind us of all things we “should do” or “should not do” to keep our kids safe. In fact, many of our friends are “right”, each for THEIR FAMILIES. Add to the mix that having opposing opinions confusing us and we're again, increasing the overwhelm.

Regarding worry, my encouragement is to imagine shifting the wording when you can. Instead of “I’m worried about…” what if you expressed or thought “I care deeply about…”? Does this engage your thoughts differently? I wonder how you express your caring. Maybe there is research to be done? Maybe you need some teammates in your processes? Prioritizing and having strategy for how you express what YOU CARE ABOUT is a far more powerful experience than worrying about those issues.

What I’ve witnessed as mothers grow to become more familiar with who they are as healthy, well-functioning women, is a clearer direction for choices as they work toward that vision. Not an airy fairy picture, not a picture that is created by who others think they know who she “should be”, but really becoming interested in and getting clear about who the woman is at her best, choosing from HER VALUES and what is important for HER FAMILY. We make choices that are outside those margins, we’re human…yet many don’t have a grid to even guide them. Mothers can quickly tell me who they are when they’re NOT well, not speaking, behaving and acting as their best self. It takes only a little time and energy to explore who you desire to be rather than give energy and attention to what’s “wrong”.

If you knew who you are at your best, what would you see? How would you feel, speak, behave, relate, sleep, move, play, eat, etc? If you saw yourself at your highest potential, would you, could you recognize her? She exists…in you. Especially on those darker days, that vision can guide you. It may be overwhelming to imagine a woman “so far” from what you are currently experiencing; have hope because there are strategies to shrink that feeling to a more manageable and attainable picture.

We learn relative to what we know ...and you know a lot. Connecting to what is is the only place to begin. We must begin. Engaging and turning toward our health and well-being is a way we can increase how we experience it. We ARE WORTH taking care of…in fact, we have a responsibility to it.

Reach to your resources, you’re not alone. You are worth giving attention to.

Lisa Engle

Widely known for her passion, dedication and commitment to supporting the expression of potential, Lisa is famous for inspiring patients, especially mothers. With nearly 3 decades of service in chiropractic, she easily communicates the value of wisdom within. Her experience has been used to create a safe, effective, and reflective coaching model for mothers without the judgement, comparison, and crippling overwhelm that often inhibits change for families. To learn more about Lisa's work and contact her, please poke around the website.

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