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I created this blog with the sole purpose of being therapeutic; a way to cope with all the ups and downs of depression and anxiety. It’s that very reason that I think I don’t come here often; because if I do, it’s normally because I’m in the throws of a bad episode.

And a bad episode is exactly where I’m at.

I knew that it was on the horizon. I held my breath as long as I could, but the postpartum crept in like overgrown weeds and has tangled itself up in my energy real well. To top it off, tis the season when I go through my most severe form of depression: Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).

I’ve spent plenty of days just wishing I didn’t have to wake up. Working from home just to avoid the pain of fake smiles and pretending I’m ok. The weeping and sobbing drain the energy out of me, and through it all I have to manage to hold on for my family.

I. Am. Exhausted.

That statement is an understatement. I have discovered that I will never be able to find quite the right words to adequately describe what this feels like. I try but it all feels so pointless.

Despite the blues, I’m trying to stay afloat by spending more time with the children, making sure when I leave the house I look better than I feel, and I’m pouring myself into my bible study and blogging. Whatever works, that’s the key.

I countdown until spring time’s arrival, hoping to catch a glimpse of a reprieve before then. Therapy scheduled in the next couple of weeks. Just hold on self, I’m coming home real soon.