Toon In: Your July Horoscopes

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CAPRICORN: I was recently told by my favorite Capricorn that maybe what I am missing is knowing my guardian angel. He said that once he realized his, life’s been a spiritual awakening of sorts. The thing is, he is my guardian angel. I believe it was the year 2005. I was sitting in the den area of my house at 44th and Larchwood streets. I was on the futon, staring straight ahead, paralyzed with anxiety. I wasn’t eating back then, so my normal shakes were up tenfold. I was probably trying to channel my spirit plant, the old American Beech Tree up in West Chester, PA. I always felt the messiness and regrowth of its roots and branches was much like my ever changing ideas. I remember being scared, but then, this overwhelming idea to channel my most cherished Capricorn took over me. He came to me then, to lend comfort in the vein of a spirit. I’ve since grown closer to the real Capricorn, but I’ve let the guardian angel him fall off my shoulder. As a guide, he knows he needs to get back to the shoulder, but he’s making me do it on my own. I suggest you not follow his lead, and just help someone without them asking.

AQUARIUS: As an Aquarian, I’ve been writing our horoscopes as true to myself as I can. I was not taking the time to recognize the unfortunate reality that this brought, that I was creating my own destiny to be without magic. As magic has been slowly creeping back into my life, I have noticed it’s still hitting about 84%, but I can feel it climbing further. I want to have my magic back. I used to feel like the world was my voodoo doll, and I am going to get that feeling back. Astrologer Rob Brezny was my inspiration for the style I’ve chose to write my own column. Recently, I read his Aquarius horoscope for this week. He wrote about Kafka and the unfamiliar familiarity in one’s home, both of which I’ve already written about and published,. He also wrote a quote from mathematician Blaise Pascal, “If you don’t love too much, you don’t love enough.” That is the magic I live by. Aquarians, let us unite this summer, and let us beat the heat with this lyric from Heavy D & The Boyz: “I got nuttin’ but love for you, baby”.

PISCES: Sometimes I wake up from a dream, and I immediately begin to forget it. I have little flashes of the dream to remember, but forget the parts I really try not to. I had a dream about a new sculptor, and in the dream so many people had to remind me his name, and when I woke, the name was gone from my mind. I feel this way outside of those subconscious dreams, too. For example, I had so many dreams about how my life would be at this point. It’s nothing like I imagined it to be. In some ways, I am proud of the success I have had, and I enjoy the outsider’s perspective of who they think I am, but I also feel powerless against the things I want. I feel as though my desires are shattering before my eyes. I have no other goals except the ones I have now. I feel as though I am being forced to forget these dreams, just as I do when I wake from sleeping. They say you’re in control of your own destiny, but trust me, sometimes you can’t do it alone, and finding help to travel down destiny lane with you can seem impossible. I suggest you take my advice, and if you’ve got something good, don’t let go of it. Any sudden move can really screw up your future, Pisces. Or it can be great, but you don’t know, and knowing is half the battle.

ARIES: Sometimes, you just have to turn all the lights out and sit in the dark, naked, while listening to “A Therapy For Pain” by Fear Factory. You just lay there like there’s nothing else to do, and enjoy the little metal goth guy’s words. Hopefully, then, you fall asleep, and your dream is repetitive. You see a friend, and they keep asking you the same question until it’s become so maddening that you just can’t take it. You try to wake up, but you just keep dreaming. Oh, there’s a little river! Run to the river. Try to hear the quiet moves it’s making. Look into the water. Oh, shit! Don’t look into the water! Your reflection is so ugly – you’re missing teeth and bleeding from your eyes, and your skin is rotting. Now, all you do is wish that your annoying friend were there repeating himself just to comfort you. Aries, take this dream into reality. Wake up now. Is there someone that has been making your skin crawl lately, but you know you don’t want to live without them? Relax and let that person repeat himself. He’s just trying to reinforce his place in your life.

TAURUS: Just over 200 years ago, Philadelphia was blessed with being included in the phenomenon that occurred, also known as, The Year Without Summer. Due to the largest Volcanic eruption in April 1815, 100 times more powerful than that of the 1980 Mt. St Helens eruption, Mount Tambora in Indonesia caused a global temperature drop of 3 degrees. Not immediately after, but the summer of 1816, New England states suffered from 18 – 20 inch snow drifts in June, and Philadelphia’s crops were covered in ice, causing food shortages. I know this seems like it wasn’t the best, but boy would I love such a thing. Despite the thousands of people killed from the eruption, there was NO SUMMER. The summer is a hot and miserable time full of blazing sun rays and terrible fashion. Every day is hot, and people die from exhaustion. Taurus, as the saying goes, “Dress for the job you want”, if you prefer a chill in the air as I do, I recommend using the “mind over matter” technique this year to beat the heat. Me? I just want to get back to the cold and resume my useless worrying and mild natured insanity.

GEMINI: The forever lovely Elsa von Freytag-Loringhoven: the mother of Dada, the real R. Mutt, the wildly dressed, provocative poetess, was a real human, although she lived to be fictional in her own right. I understand her way, as I too suffer from eternal pretending. I don’t often realize what’s in front of me as it should be, I see it how I want to see it. I read into everything in the most fantastical way, in order to make it how I want to see it. I just want to see everything at its best, so much so, that I create these little idealistic fortunes of fate, which are rarely what is happening in front of me. Take, for example, me visiting the Botanical Gardens’ Butterfly Exhibit. During this time, 3 butterflies landed on me at once. The tour guide said this had never happened before. As he picked the first one off with his little stick, it flew right back to me. Everyone on the tour looked at me with envy, but then carried on. 5 years later, I am still waiting for endurance from the butterflies. The Gemini, practical as you are, will do nothing but live pragmatically and righteously, as you wish. The know it all you, whose number one know it all is that you don’t know it all, ought to let a little butterfly come to you. Just stop for a second, take a deep breath, and pretend. That metaphoric butterfly that you let in, just might give you the endurance you need to be the mystery you wish to be.

CANCER: In Michael Talbot’s 1991 book “The Holographic Universe”, a study is a documented story about 24 people who took or did not take the hallucinogenic drug, LSD. 6 people were given LSD and told they were, 6 people were given LSD and told they weren’t, 6 people weren’t given LSD and told they were, and 6 people weren’t given LSD and told they weren’t. The results were outstanding, when true, delightful, mind altering LSD the become for some, nothing but a placebo. Imagine yourself in this situation – which group would you prefer to be in and why? How do you think you’d like to take the effect on? I think it would be neat to get contact high from LSD and use my own brain to hallucinate and broaden my horizons. Having taken the drug enough already, I can’t imagine just believing enough to feel its effects. Cancer, it’s your time to take on your chosen character and crossover beyond this world to the next!

LEO: Did you know that Helen Keller is credited with introducing the Akita breed of dog to the United States? I bet, even as a dog lover (if you are), that you didn’t know this. In my opinion the Akita is one of the cutest dog breeds ever. How the US welcomed such a cutie is like this little known secret only for the true Helen Keller fan to know. I challenge you to find hidden little secrets in some of your favorite relationships. Find something that might mean a lot to a certain friend, and let them know you think this part of them is great. Allow credit where credit is due, all the while bringing cheer.

VIRGO: In 1981, Peter Sutcliffe, “The Yorkshire Ripper” was caught and sentenced to life in prison. He said that he killed the 13 prostitutes of which he was convicted, because he heard the voice of God tell him to do so. Although diagnosed a paranoid schizophrenic, he was still placed in prison for life, most likely untreated and unmedicated. Sometimes the influence of something as strong as whatever it is some call their “God”, is also perceived to be as bogus as what I would call “God”. This is not to say I’ve never heard a voice in my head, or that I haven’t taken drugs in order to hear it OR in order to stop from hearing it. I’ve never quite thought it was anything but another part of me. It’s true that it’s a mystery how much brain power we use, and perhaps someone like Sutcliffe suffered from the painful joys of using more of his than the hoi polloi. Your homework, Virgo, is to open your mind. Eat better, communicate more, take a walk, do something unknown to you…

LIBRA: According to Yahoo Answers, there are 53 different types of nuts in the world. According to my mother, there is one type of nut, and it’s me. I suppose what’s known as my chosen path, AKA a series of poor decisions, has landed me in a strange place. For the most part, things are staying afloat, but my desires have been nothing but desires for most of my adult life. The next time someone tells you to follow your heart, Libra, flip them the bird and let them know they can f**k off. Following my heart has led me to some pretty low places in life, yet I still romanticize a future of my desires. Is it so wrong? Am I getting too old for this? Who’s to say what a poor decision really is anyway? Perhaps I would be somewhere else, but I wouldn’t be where I am now. I say follow your gut, because it will always take time to digest and then need more.

SCORPIO: When I cough, sometimes I cover my mouth with my hand. Sometimes when I cough, something peculiar will force its way out of my mouth and onto my hand. I look at this part of me that has traveled from one part of me to another part of me. The part where it was didn’t want it, and the part where it landed doesn’t want it either.I feel sad for it. I am sad for myself. Sometimes, I’m just not ready to let go. If I should leave it, what will become of me? Where will I go? This part of me will just eventually dissipate into the world, but much sooner than the rest of me will. Scorpio, the miniature philosopher of our zodiac, what would you presume, here? How do you walk away from yourself? How do you let go of the parts of you that you didn’t even know you needed to let go of. You can’t hold on forever. How do you suppose this is part of your daily reality, my friend?

SAGITTARIUS: What color is nothing? How can one idea be so unfathomable? The concept of nothing really gets my goat. Nothing. I imagine the color of nothing would be something like white or black, but who’s to say it isn’t pink? Sometimes, I see colors in shapes without the color actually being there. A triangle often seems blue to me. Not a full blue, but a thick outline. What is a true triangle- a filled in one or an outline of one? How will I ever have the answers to these things? I feel the need to ponder in these moments and to free up the space in my mind to let go of the answers I already know about things. Sagittarius, you often have pondering thoughts. Maybe it’s your turn to do the opposite and take some time to think about the things you already know.

Sharon Isabel Curley is a passionate creator of all things. As an artist, she enjoys painting, drawing, sewing, creating and styling costumes, and writing (fiction, non-fiction, astrology, and poetry). She wrote and believes that “kinship is the only ship to sail into affinity.” If you ever meet her, she will love you.