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The Masturbation Gap

"Don't knock masturbation," Woody Allen famously quipped. "It's sex with someone I love." But masturbation has of course been knocked around some, historically. According to Thomas W. Laqueur, a professor of history at the University of California at Berkeley (and the author of "Solitary Sex: A Cultural History of Masturbation") masturbation was not a topic of great interest to the powers that be until 1712, when a con man named John Marten anonymously published a book spectacularly entitled: Onania; or, The Heinous Sin of Self Pollution and all its Frightful Consequences, in both SEXES Considered, with Spiritual and Physical Advice to those who have already injured themselves by this abominable practice. And seasonable Admonition to the Youth of the nation of Both SEXES.

In this book, he first introduced the idea that the biblical Onan's sin was masturbation, even though most close readers of the biblical text know Onan's actual sin was a failure to impregnate his dead brother's wife (as mandated by Jewish law)--specifically, coitus interruptus.

The book became a hit, and Marten, now fancying himself a "surgeon," quickly capitalized on his luck by selling remedies for the ills of masturbation. Con men are, above all, great capitalists, as we have all re-learned recently in the U.S.

The book, it appears, had hit a nerve by tapping into the zeitgeist of a cultural shift, where concerns about privacy were becoming paramount. Masturbation, along with reading printed books--a new technology at the time--had become a symbol for the uncontrolled, uncensored private lives of individuals, including women. Such private power was felt to threaten the social order. The social keepers of the order--the politicians, aristocrats, and professional classes--hence hurried to proclaim the potential dangers embodied in this newly shamed and shameful act.

It wasn't long before physicians began decrying masturbation as the root cause of disease, dysfunction and poor character. Children were threatened with the most horrible fates if they were to engage in it. Freud himself had his qualms about continued masturbation into adolescence, but at least he recognized that early masturbation, and the feelings and events surrounding it, was a person's introduction into sexuality. Guilt and shame around masturbation could color a person's adult sexuality. Freud famously concluded a 1912 symposium on masturbation for the Psychoanalytical Society in Vienna by saying, "I think the time has come to break off. For we are all agreed on one thing--that the subject of masturbation is quite inexhaustible."

Through the 19th century, the assault on "self-abuse" continued: Reverend Sylvester Graham invented the Graham crackers to curb sexual impulses. In the 1830s, Benjamin Rush, renowned physician and signer of the declaration of Independence, argued that masturbation caused tuberculosis, memory loss, and epilepsy. JH Kellogg, turn of the century medical writer and creator of breakfast cereal, believed signs of masturbation included acne, weak back, and convulsions. Noted 19th century physician and early sex research pioneer Richard von Krafft Ebing linked masturbation to homosexuality and other types of what he considered deviance and illnesses.

Interestingly, masturbation was not considered proper or safe for women even during those times when some were given masturbation treatments by their doctors. Yes, in the late 19th century, doctors occasionally masturbated women who were suffering from ‘hysteria.' It was a nifty Victorian trick: Suppress and deny female sexual knowledge and expression, and when the resulting misery erupts through general manifestations of bodily and emotional discomfort, diagnose the women as ill and have them get sexual release through the desexualized digital (and later mechanical) manipulations of male physicians. All in a day's work!

By the 60s and 70s the tide had began to turn. The publication of Kinsey's and Masters and Johnson's research revealed that masturbation was both common and harmless. Many studies have since confirmed this basic truth, revealing in addition that masturbation is neither a substitute for "real" sex nor a facilitator of risky sex. Masturbation may promote comfort with one's genitalia, enhancing both orgasmic capacity and condom use. Educated people, it turns out, masturbate more, and have better sex lives. A recent study even reported that masturbation may protect men against prostate cancer. (But you're unlikely to see a government-sponsored public relations campaign promoting this particular preventative strategy.) Given these data, you'd think the controversies would be put to rest. But you'd be wrong.

In my human sexuality class recently, I asked students to come up with all the known slang terms for male masturbation. They quickly listed at least a dozen. Then I asked them to come up with slang to describe female masturbation. None came instantly to mind. After much effort, they came up with ‘flicking the bean' and ‘Jill off.' That was it.

Language describes reality, and also shapes it. What you don't have words for you do not own or understand. This observation is supported by the data. According to the research, over 95% of males have masturbated to orgasm by age 20, compared to around 60% of women (with some studies suggesting an even larger gap).

The discrepancy with regard to masturbation is doubly problematic because masturbation, it turns out, is a particularly important predictor of sexual health and happiness for women, more so then for men. One of the best predictors of whether a woman will be able to achieve orgasm in her sexual relations is a history of masturbation in adolescence.

Why such a gap? One reason may be men's higher sex drive. If you define sex drive as preoccupation with sexual behavior and thoughts, including sex crimes and paraphilias, then men routinely manifest higher levels of it than women. Such elevated interest may lead to higher masturbation rates. Structural differences may also play a role. A penis is highly accessible and regularly handled in the act of urination, which may lead to greater familiarity with its potential uses.

But biology, while being necessary, is never sufficient to explain human behavior. Our behavior is determined by a complex interaction between our biological heritage and cultural context.

Biology, for example, has prepared girls to give birth at 15, but our culture tells them not to, and most obey. Biological evolution works by killing the young before they reproduce. Our culture routinely works to save even the weakest babies. Society, in other words, can shape the impact of any biological tendency or difference. Our society has chosen not to work to minimize the masturbation gap; in fact, it may be contributing to it. Men, after all, are socialized toward self reliance and unabashed search for sexual pleasure. Such qualities in women are still regarded with much ambivalence.

It need not be so. If we can shed the misinformation of the past in so many other areas, surely we can do so here as well. In a way, the gender gap in masturbation resembles the well-known historical gap in salary. Both are useless and unfair remnants of a dated social consciousness. The fair and data-based message for today's young women should be clear: Get to know your sexual body; get to know it and love it so you may, in time, teach your partner to do the same. Save your guilt for real transgressions, like cheating on exams.

The masturbation gap needs to close. Will it? Keep an eye on the slang...

I started masturbation at the age of 10.But I didn´t discover it by myself: a friend of mine showed how to do it. Of course i felt a great pleasure, but ever since I felt GUILT and has not dissapeared at all.WHY ALWAYS THE GUILT ? Things change when I do it with a female partner. How´s that ? So I personlly beleive there is something wrong with masturbating alone. I don´t know if this is true concerning women masturbation. I´ve read that some women masturbate routinely EVERY DAY !!!, just like they brush their teeth!!!. I beleive this is NOT NORMAL, no matter what researchers say.

Bernard: thanks for the frank comment. Let me suggest that your guilt may have little to do with the act of masturbation itself, but perhaps more to do with the circumstances under which you were introduced to it. That hypothesis is worth exploring with the help of a professional. The fact that you feel guilt while doing something does not necessarily mean that the thing you're doing is wrong. Perhaps the guilt is wrong.

You have to ask yourself: how can something pleasurable, safe, and healthy that doesn't hurt anybody else be bad? ask yourself: are 99% of men in the world bad?

Now, it's true that there's such thing as 'too much of a good thing.' anything that's done compulsively, out of control, or excessively can be damaging. But the data on sexual behavior show that variety and variability is the norm. People differ greatly in how much they do what they do. Normal, in this case, is highly subjective. So we best not rush to judge the other just because they do something more or less than us. 'Normal' is often not a useful distinction in sexual matters. A better consideration is for pleasure, health, and safety. If what you're doing is pleasurable to you, doesn't harm your health or others, and is reasonably safe, then go ahead and enjoy yourself, and don't worry about 'normal'.

As a man -- I wonder why women don't mastubate more -- most very sensual and sexual women I know have -- it was how they discovered what gave them pleasure .. too much of a good thing could be bad -- but ... most balanced adults it seems have too little time for sex in any manifestions

I believe the difference between the frequency of male/female masturbation has a lot to do with the differences in sex drives. Also, with most of the woman I've talked to recently about sex, they often attribute not having sex or wanting to masturbate because of the low emotional involvement. Most of my friends say "it feels empty."

A good indicator on how pleasurable an orgasm is for a woman is her mood, emotions, and thoughts at the time. For a man its more about the physical feeling and thoughts. Also, its much more convenient for a man to masturbate. We just have to whip it out, go to work, and well... you know the rest. =p

It's easier for guys to joke about masturbating amongst themselves, while not out rightly admitting that they do it. Women never joke about women masturbating, nor do we talk about it amongst ourselves. The closest we'll say, is when we're complaining about the man in our life, we'll say something like "if I'm going to have to put up with (behavior x) then I might as well buy a vibrator." Even the vibrator comment is extremely rare.

One advantage we do have, it's more socially acceptable for a woman to use a toy or any other prop at her private party.

We women just like to keep our masturbation a secret, so the mystery will tantalize and intrigue our men.
If we talked about it all the time, and used words like "Jill off", would men find THAT a turn on?

Actually, I have found over the years that in almost ALL my sexual relationships with men, they loved to talk about this subject. And they wanted to hear all the details of my masturbation, as they found this subject to be an enormous turn on.

Mary is right. As I guy I love talking about it with female friends. Even if I have no sexual relations with that friend I still enjoy talking about it with them. It's a definite turn on and honestly... it gives us something to fantasize about later. =)

"...it's more socially acceptable for a woman to use a toy or any other prop at her private party.
We women just like to keep our masturbation a secret, so the mystery will tantalize and intrigue our men.
If we talked about it all the time, and used words like "Jill off", would men find THAT a turn on?"

Anybody else see a huge problem here? Anyone else note that the "props" were stand-in for male organs and that this comment brought up how WOMEN talking ABOUT WOMEN TO WOMEN would affect a man??? Anybody else think that's weird?? I assure you, the converse is not happening with men, so what gives?

It's also a revelation into a likely cause of the Gap that was not explored in the article: Heteronormative sex acts, culturally speaking, are male-centered. Heteronormative women are not allowed to think about themselves and seek their own satisfaction alone, even when they are exploring their own physical space! And certainly not purely about themselves during masturbation even though by definition, NO ONE ELSE IS THERE.
Serious problems in our society with women and sex. SERIOUS PROBLEMS.
Thanks for bringing this up.

As a male, I've wondered about whether there's an inconvenient truth lurking behind the statement "men are afraid of female sexuality." But quite honestly I don't see it (or sense it). I just don't see a downside to female sexuality for males. What's the worst that could happen?

1) One or more females who one really doesn't care for want to engage in sexual relations. Well, it's awkward, but not a big deal, "I'm flattered but I don't think it would work out, I must respectfully decline...I'm sorry, really!" Not so bad.

2) Suppose a male finds he just can't keep up with a female partner in terms of how much sexual activity she wants, or the male has a hard time performing at all sexually. I just don't see that as a huge deal. It's just a matter of "whew, I'm done, you win!" or "jeez, it doesn't want to work today...sorry." Even talking among other guys these things are not uncommon and not that ego-damaging.

If there's something else lurking it's not occurring to me at this moment. I think the driver behind politics and oppression and war is not anything stemming from anxiety about female sexuality. I think the simpler explanations of greed for power and bloodlust are more fitting.

logic001: I don't believe that ALL problems stem from fear of female sexuality. Things tend to be multiply-determined. That is, most important things have more than one cause. But it's difficult to deny the fact that throughout history, societies and religious dogmas have engaged in a persistant effort to regulate and control women's sexual behavior. You can see the evolutionary logic of this. Women bring offspring. If a woman's sexual behavior is not controlled, a man cannot know if the offspring she is carrying is his. if he doesn't know that, then he may be wasting his resources caring for genes that are not his--a losing evolutionary proposition. Social and religious systems--controlled, as they are, by men--thus develop to dread free sexual expression in women and seek to regulate it. How's that for starters?

I think if you note that all the mentioned institutions are MALE dominated, you'll start to understand the original comment.

Perhaps female sexuality and the accompanying organs aren't so much powerful, as a MYSTERY to men, which scares them. Perhaps men ARE more self-centered and greedy and more about domination, but that is why they are controlling and/or dismissive of women. It's just easier to go that route because they CAN; they have the power to do it, with comparatively little repercussion. (I say this because historically men are never punished for "aggression" to the degree that women are, and are typically rewarded for it from a young age. Before they are all that physiologically different from girls, ie, before they can discover on their own that might WINS, they have parents teaching them that that behavior is acceptable and preferable in boys and parents actively and passively teaching girls that it is NOT acceptable for them.)
In this case, you have to understand the broader definition of sexuality- in this case, and in non-heteronormative spaces (see my comment above about women being presumed to be thinking about male organs FIRST and foremost, even alone, when sex is involved), it includes organs, sexual expression and gender expression. Narrowing it down to "women do the same things as men and I'm ok with it" is overly simplistic, especially when you are looking for causality of what is an obvious inequality, for which the fact that one can even FIND a wide enough statistical difference that allows anyone to break it down as Men v. women" is evidence of something amiss.

Also, I don't understand "1." What does that have to do the threat of female sexuality? I think I've started talking myself through it, but if I am picking up on what you think you're saying, you are using individual anecdotal evidence to dispute statistical trends that indicate things are largely otherwise.
IE, MOST men, especially young men, do not OFFER THEMSELVES in a way that being politely declined is even in order (and not potentially dangerous to do so for the woman). They accost a woman with he expectation to get his own way, Period. Especially, if to HIS mind, she is comfortable with her sexuality. A woman in a tight skirt is a bitch for refusing HIS advances at all...what makes ALL of those men presume she's wearing the skirt for HIM in particular, or EVERY MAN in general, but not another specific *person* or *persons* who he is NOT... maybe even *just today,* I don't know. Male sociopathy boggles the mind...until you consider that society at every turn is telling men, from adolescence on, that women are only sentient, autonomous beings when men can't figure out "what's wrong with em" or when the MAN has no desire or chance to have sex with that PARTICULAR woman.
Ever notice how a single, attractive woman has more power in society unless men feel VULNERABLE (or responsible) to HER? Well, there you go.

I don't think so -- men may generally be squeamish about disclosing too much about themselve or to have to deal with "feelings". I personally, have no problem with either. The "animals" reference I think is a little over the top. Biologically, men and women share a species. And, in some circumstances, giving in to "animal" tendencies can un-complicate and issue/feeling/actvity that for some reason has become "over-complicated".

There are no "hard and fast" rules that govern male or female sexuality, and I generally am loath to over-generalize issues of sexuality.

"Con men are, above all, great capitalists, as we have all re-learned recently in the U.S." Actually we have recently learned that con men, especially from Chicago, are great socialists. Try sticking to your topic instead of giving us your two bit far left political beliefs.

"In my human sexuality class recently, I asked students to come up with all the known slang terms for male masturbation. They quickly listed at least a dozen. Then I asked them to come up with slang to describe female masturbation. None came instantly to mind. After much effort, they came up with ‘flicking the bean' and ‘Jill off.' That was it."

Don't today's college students bring laptops to classrooms awash in Wi-Fi? Had they Googled "slang to describe female masturbation," they would have found this, andthis.

This link, demonstrates the relative paucity of phrases for women's wanking; it lists over three hundred euphemisms for "play the skin flute" but only a third that many for "tiptoe through the twolips."

Neal: most students at least in my university, don't bring laptops to class, although I believe that this is bound to change soon, as laptops become cheaper and more versatile. That being said, I admire your selfless initiative, investigative prowess, and commitment ...

I didn't have my first orgasm (at least, when I was awake) until I was almost 21. I'm 30 now, and it's still difficult, especially with a partner. I'm insanely jealous of my friends who can orgasm from intercourse, or who can orgasm quickly.

It wasn't any kind of shame that was the problem. Nor was it a problem of libido (as if).

I had no idea where my clitoris was or how to touch it. I didn't even know what it was until I was out of high school.

I think I must have touched it at some point, and done it too roughly, and just decided not to try it again. In any case, it didn't occur to me to keep trying...

I'm wondering where you live if none of your women friends talk about masturbation? It's not secret - everyone does it, and however much they like to do it is exactly what is 'normal' for them....define normal anyway! As for 'props' - get outta here! Yes for sure sometimes but really alot of props are penis replacements...maybe the women you know are not being entirely honest with you and the real reason they use themis because they have ticklers on them! I find this so shocking that your friends can't talk about this subject....I guess it's the old - 'if you can't talk about it you shouldn't be doing it'? I discovered my own body at a young age and have been pleased that I did as it has helped (and improved) my sexual relations as an adult. If you dont know how to please yourself how can you show others?...Or do you just lie there?

I doubt that the difference between male and female rate of masturbation has anything to do with shame, culture or education. I strongly believe it is biological. I am a woman who doesn't find much pleasure in masturbation. I am wondering if there is a difference in hormonal levels between the women who masturbates and the one who don't. Such a difference could explain why some women are more likely to masturbate and experience orgasm than others.

... did you not grow up or get your education in this culture? Just saying, if you did develop psychologically within the culture how can you avoid the entanglements of early socialization upon your attitudes and feelings?

I didn't enjoy masturbating when I was younger, even though I had an insanely strong sex drive...I just didn't know how to do it right, and I didn't have anyone to tell me.

I'm 30 now and my sex drive is as strong as it ever was when I was a teenager. Except now I masturbate to orgasm several times a week.

If you're not experiencing orgasm, at all, you may want to see your gynecologist or a sexual counselor. There's no reason to go without if you don't have to, and you truly don't know what you're missing!!

Masturbating for women is not high because women were generally not given control over their sexuality, and taught very early on that it is "unlady like", a "sin" and to be shamed for masturbating. I started masturbating as a teen and it felt natural I had the desire so I did it. I later discovered "toys" for enjoyment and shared this with a relative of mine who quickly told me "women do not masturbate unless they cannot get a man or something is wrong with them like they were molested or something, thats sick!".

That is why women do not masturbate often or are not as open about it, especially with other women, who I believe are more judgemental. I do still continue to enjoy myself and openly, comfortably discuss with my husband.

I don't know if it was mentioned in the comments, but another gem slang term for female masturbation that I believe I first heard in American Pie was "double-clicking the mouse." Maybe "coaxing the captain" would work as well, I don't know.

Why is everyone afraid to suggest that women generally aren't as physically responsive as men? From an evolutionary point of view female orgasm just isn't as important to reproduction. Why must everything be blamed on social impact?

I am not a psychologist. I am an engineer (male, 22, still in college), and in my experience with women, I've found that the generally sluttier women and women who masturbate. I went out with a good number of women and it seemed from my own experience that the ones who were less trust-worthy were also the ones who masturbated more frequently.

I am now with an amazing girl who claims she has never done it, and I don't encourage her to, as I refrain from it as well, and see it as a healthy habit.

I've seen girls enter college and for the first year or two they do great, and after discovering among other things masturbation, their grades drop and they 'dress-sense' becomes evidently 'sluttier'.

I used to find it a huge turn on, and still do, just not to the extent I used to because now I am in a committed relationship that I want to see continue.

... and myself, I've realized that if I do it anymore than once a week it seems as though my entire concentration is gone for a week i.e. I cannot think straight, focus, and my hair will grow out crazy.

In highschool I kept a date book for every time I masturbated. I generally tried not to do it anymore than four times a month, and maybe because of that or not (I don't know, I'm an engineer and econ student, not psychologist) my voice deepened quicker than my friends, my body hair grew out quicker, and I always felt the need to workout or do something physical. I am not 22 but constantly get mistaken for being 26-28... in highschool people generally presumed I was 2-3 years older than my actual age.

Like I said, I am no professional, and have no education on the matter outside my personal experiences and perceptions, but I'd be more than interested to hear what anyone might have to say on any of this.

I never experienced the guilt many men remember having over masturbating. Even though my dad had died before I reached puberty back in the early 1970s, I was not without learning about it from a male authority figure. A male doctor did tell me about it and that it was good for me. With my new information, I went home and did it for the first time. I remember it well and it wasn't 'fantastic' by any means. But, I knew I needed to do it because the doctor said it was important. It wasn't long before I realized how very much I needed it and learned very quickly to very much enjoy it. Then a elderly family friend in his 80s visited when I turned 14. He took me aside and frankly told me that masturbating was important to do and do it often for it made a man's prostate healthy. And he said that my marriage would be very sound if I masturbated a lot before I begin to have sex with my wife. Those were the last words he said to me before he died. And boy, was he right!

My point is that I was taught by grown men that masturbation was good for me and even important for my health and future marriage. Masturbating with a purpose provided zero guilt and the pleasure of it was great. And sex with my wife for 32 years has been incredible!

I taught our now grown sons the important purpose masturbation has for them. And their marriages have greatly benefited as well.