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Thursday, October 14, 2010

HEY FAGGOT!!!!

FAGGOT!!!

High School -- It fucking sucked. No Joke about that. It sucked so bad that I dropped out my Freshmen year. I was a good student, believe it or not. My grades never fell below B's and for the most part I got along with a lot of the teachers, I just wasn't any sort of trouble maker.

It was those who decided that since their lives weren't the best, they wanted to help make mine even shitter then it already was.

I attended Clearwater Elementary, Clearwater Middle School, and then Clearwater High School From the age of 6 - 16. The District is quite small, the time I attended, the average number of graduates for a class was between 70-90. And the majority of students there start in the 1st grade and end up graduating. So I grew up with these people.

I think that is what helped me from ever getting beat up in school, to be honest. But it sure as fuck didn't stop the torment I would get.

Not everyone harassed me... they found it easier to just pretend like I didn't exist, which that hurt to, but I would prefer that over being called a faggot ANY day.

Middle school is when it started, the name calling that is, and of course a few pushes and shoves every now and then. But it wasn't too bad. Then, High School came, and with highschool, it seemed that as if people would have gotten smarter, but when they walked through the doors of Highschool for the first time they lost any brain cells that they had.

For 6 months there were about 6 or 7 guys that liked to be really shitty to me. Faggot was their favorite word, if I was within a 10 ft span of them. Pushing me around and talking down to me was just what they did best. I tried to look at it as if they were just pathetic and that their lives must suck, but it hurt. I didn't want to be gay, because I didn't want to be treated so badly, hell I never even said I was gay. they just decided that I was, and because they decided it, it was so, and that it was time to treat Matt like a Piece of shit.

One former classmate, finally pushed me to the edge of dropping out. As I sat in my acting class, waiting for the teacher to get to class, Jordan Thome began to talk his normal shit to me that he loved so much to do. I never really understood why he found it thrilling, but he did.. so sure enough he made it a point. This particular day was pretty rough though, it was a time that I actually stood up for myself and thought maybe it would end after that.

NO SUCH LUCK.

I told myself after that, if one more person called me a faggot, I was done with school.

Two weeks later... I went to the office, and told them to call my mom cause i was done with this hell hole and I am dropping out. That is what I did.

My mother was pissed.. I didn't even tell her why exactly I was dropping out. I was to ashamed. I was hurting and I needed to get away from it.

Now -- lets fast forward many years later.

Jordan Thome, the classmate that I so despised and have always thought in the back of my mind as nothing more then a piece of shit, had a horrific loss. I was friends with his sister, many years after high school and she gave me devastating news that his 19 month old daughter had passed away from a form of brain cancer.

I felt really sad that a innocent child had lost their life, I felt sympathy for my friend that had just lost her niece, but as far as Jordan, I still in my mind thought he was a horrible person.... and for a brief second, I had a HORRIBLE thought. I thought for just one second.... "KARMA" but that thought went away really quickly. I felt pretty shitty for even having a thought like that. It made me no better then him, and honestly... no matter how horrible someone treats you or anyone else for that matter.. the last thing they deserve is for their child to be ripped away from them.

Now, I did feel that a good kick to his balls was much deserving.

Recently a former teacher was posting a link asking for people to vote for something. I clicked it and it was a foundation set up in honor of Jordan's daughter Kyrie to get funding for Brain cancer that is taking the lives of so many precious children.

Instantly I voted. I then had to make the decision to try to help get votes. I know I can reach a LOT of people, and knew I would be able to help, but since it was tied to Jordan, i really had a problem with it at first. At that time I opted not to spread the word.

I went to bed that night and it was on my mind.. How shitty I was. Because this had nothing to do with what had been done to me in the past. This had to do with helping children. Precious children that deserve to live their lives. Children that had never hurt anyone before, that are getting a disease and leaving this Earth far to young.

The next day I made an Event Invite on Facebook and sent out 1000's of request to help with votes. Within two days I helped, the Kyrie foundation, go from 28th place to 16th. I am not saying I am responsible for that happening, but I think many of the votes that I sent their way sure did help!

If this foundation can make it in the top 2 on the Pepsi Web site, $250,000 will be granted to this organization.

And I want to see this happen. I want to do my part in spreading the word to everyone, WE CAN make a difference. Even if this helps save ONE child! It will be worth it.

(it will ask you to sign up with email, but you can by pass that by just clicking the connect with facebook, but once you do that you need to make sure to click the VOTE icon again to make sure it registers your vote.)

3. VOTE EVERY DAY till the 31st,

That's it. We can make this happen everyone!!! Lets help give hope to all those little children out there who are fighting to survive.

If you are gonna vote.. let me know by pushing the "LIKE" button below.

25 comments:

I voted i dropped out of high-school too but it was because i wanted the BS to stop and i have had guys harass me in the past i had shoes that i colored red with a red marker and they got smeared with pink all over it. they were white shoes with pink smears all over it. they were asking me if i was gay? did i wanna get gay with them? In my mind i thought yes and i had a woody in my jeans.

I voted. I never was picked on like that in school cause I was mean. I think it takes more bravery to say what you said than what I just wrote here. I never knew Matt buddy. I think it is harder to be gay than bi cause I know what my partner has been through when he grew up gay. I luv ya Matt like a nephew or a baby brother. I'm proud to be your friend man. hugzzzzz Toney

I don't know what I had to do so I picked anonymous here. I don't have a google account that I know of??

I think it's people like Jordan who make life such hell to live through as a school-aged child. People like that don't even deserve to be parents because that simply means they'll make one more bigoted child in the world, or at least try to. So, it's sad that the child died ~ but at least that child can now be raised by a being that is worthy.

I had troubles in high school as well till i realized why they would say words like faggot and queer and what not. finally i got even got called a faggot by a kid named alex. i turned around giggling and said, "how funny! thats what i called your dad when my dick was in his mouth last night" after that no one would dare call me a name. didnt bother me any more. i am what i am. if that means im a "faggot" and im "going to hell" so be it. ill make it one hell of a ride getting there!

I'm gonna vote, but, for now on, when someone picks on any one of you - look me up - I am fortunate enough to have never been treated this way but only once. The very first time it happened to me, anger came out of no where, I beat down 4 guys to the point of being asked to leave the school for good. I know that not all of "my brothers" have this give - many of us are not strong enough...but I am, and Im not afraid to beat the shit out of any man much less a straight one (or 10) if a life depends on it.

Thanks Matt i voted and thanks for your eye opening blog. I to was picked on in school because my voice sounded like a girl. I am still in the closet and i am 60 years old. married and ruined a girls life. if only back then we had you guys to help the gays out like today maybe life would have been different.

All of this news of hatred towards gays is so hurtful and something I too have dealt with since childhood. The sissy until 6th grade. Then graduating to queer, faggot, fag, homo, and the more creative cocksucker, egged, tripped, items stolen, on and on. The abuse for me did not end once home, an abusive father that was ashamed of his pretty boy, little sissy. Be a man, take the pain.I believe at 48 after attempting suicide at 19, a confusing life of trying to be straight, joining the navy(only to be discharged for admitting I had feelings for men). Long sad story of trying to conform, to choose and only hurting others that I loved.I am living with HIV since 84 and told in 94 I had two months to live.I have never given up, and have tried countless times to end it all..............I spent the last 9 months bedridden and since summer after losing all material items, am waking up for the first time to loving myself.48 years of not pursuing love, not doing what I love for fear.NO more!I don't want to continue to see others robbed of a career or life partner.I began studying photography in 2001 and fell in love. That love inspired and motivated me.My relationship ended a year ago, and I found myself again struggling and giving up.I now see that my work goes beyond healing the scars of abuse, and is more about change.Changing the education system of this nation. Please check out my 10 years of work, as I as I struggled thru finding the balance between my sexuality and my "religiion".Thanks Matt for the chance to share, Much love and Blessings to you & your partner.www.justjackcollins.com

Hello Matt I voted and I thank what your doing is great. Even thou I my self was never rember being picked on, I know it does exist. I myself recall back in school seeing some of this going ,even thou it was not often... I feel now I should have done some thing about it..Even I was not the best I did carry alot of weight on what others would do.. I was wrong in that I did stand up to the bullies that I caled my teammates in many of the sports I played.So I am guilty of this.However after I left collage and became the man I am today, I have never had any contact with them. I often wonder what had those few boys become or where they are today. So I believe what you do is great.. Mark Anthony facebook username

You are a sweetheart, You make me be PROUD to be GAY! I was lucky not to be bullied so much, rarely called a fag and never physically threatened or attacked. Honey, You have my vote! Love your blog and will post it on Facebook. I'm sure my fiance William will love it too.

I read your story and felt I, too, had to vote. That's a very compassionate thing for you to do, considering the way this guy treated you. But, like you said, with this it goes beyond that. This is about the life of sweet and innocent children. I hope the votes count and get this where it needs to be... for the children... which we ALL once were. Hugs to you my friend!

I went through Hell as I was taunted endlessly by a group of stupid jocks. I was tiny (5'6" 1,70 m) and very shy.One day I'd had enough and just stared down the group of them and said: "What?" and they NEVER bothered me again!! It really was that easy.Then the ringleader of them began to follow me home after school in his car, (discretely at a distance, of course.)The most vocal "objectors" (religious, political, macho) like the idea too much for them to be comfortable in themselves. To cover up, they are a tad to vocal about NOT liking it. Methinks the laddies dost protest too much.Mike, in Canada.