That sounds so hurtful that everytime you puke you secretly wish your heart would give out. Do you know how your Mother would feel if she found you slumped over on the bathroom floor because you were depriving your brain of the oxygen it needed . You shouldn't wish such a hurtful thing.

I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes what I start feeling faint, dizzy and my heart feels funny I purposely purge or exercise just so maybe my heart would just give out. Maybe the secret wish of wanting to die is why I've had my eating disorder for so long. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone. :< Take care.