A betrayed spouse shares her story of discovery and healing

My testimony

Some of you know me and some or you know of me but after this testimony you will understand me and why I do what I do everyday..You’ll understand how I’m able to speak into your lives and your marriages..Right now we’re in december 2017…

I met my husband in november 2013…I knew he was my husband it was a knowing in my spirit and I was drawn to him spiritually…Shortly after meeting me and my husband moved in together..We both were proclaimed christians we still sinned of course but when we met we made a vow to not have sex until marriage.. Well I was the one who broke that vow after giving in to my emotions 6 months after us meeting…

But while we were staying together prior to marriage I felt in my spirit that my husband was a playa I just knew because his actions were suspicious he would never leave his phone around me and his phone was always silenced…If it was on around me it was on airplane mode so yes I knew he was talking to other girls but I just didn’t have proof…Until 1 day a girl wrote me on facebook telling me we’re dating the same guy..

Of course I was angry I cried all this prior to marriage we talked and he asked me why was I crying and my response was “Because I love you” at that very moment I had realized that I would accept pain for my love for him..We stayed together….

There was another incident prior to this one where my husband left me home all night on his birthday …He says he was with his cousin but I didn’t believe him….And then I forgot to mention that maybe 1 month into being with him a girl texted his phone with a collage of the two of them and the picture of him was a photo I had just taken….So I said all that to say I knew my husband was operating in unfaithfulness prior to marrying him…

So one day we were sitting down having dinner and we were discussing marriage..He told me he loved me and wants to marry me but there are some things he needs to clean up first and I agreed and I wasn’t rushing him at all to marry me because I recognized the issue…So here’s when things twisted..

1 day while we were at a friend’s house he received a call that his favorite aunt at the time was in town..He had always told me about her he told me that she was a prophet and that he always gets nervous around her because god speaks to her so he wanted to go see her…So we go see her and as soon as we walk in she begins to speak in tongues…1 of the things she spake was that god wasn’t pleased with our living situation and that if we love each other its better to marry than to continue living in sin…

A week or 2 later we were married…We did it at the court house….I was happy but it was a bittersweet thing because it wasn’t every woman’s fairytale proposal and ring and wedding and because we had just had a talk about marriage and he wasn’t ready…So I feel we only married because of our fear of the lord…That’s the foundation of my marriage now for the infidelity…

I found out in october 2016 that my husband was having an affair…Prior to finding out my marriage was dull…Boring…And lifeless it had become a routine lifestyle…Predictable…We never communicated effectively….Hardly any passion…Sex was great but it wasn’t on a regular consistent basis…Neither of our needs were being met….We didn’t know what we were doing or how marriage works….We were going downhill fast….God began giving me dreams of him cheating prior to me finding out but I thought it was just my mind playing tricks on me…But I would wake up angry and frustrated…

Also prior to finding out about the affair my husband would get caught on a dating site called tagged….He would be liking girls pictures on instagram and facebook it was just out of hand…I used to be so upset I was not happy in my marriage…I downloaded an app one day and was communicating for 2 days with a guy he was handsome a trick of the enemy I stopped talking to him once I knew he lived in the same city I was like no thank you im not a cheater…But it was a revengeful thing nothing sincere or romantic never met him never seen him and this was all still prior to finding out about the infidelity……

So yes the other woman she wrote me and told me that she wrote me because she got upset when she found out I was pregnant with our last daughter who is now almost 1 years old she said she saw a picture of me on my husband’s cousin page and it said “Look at preggo” and it broke her heart because she realized that we were still emotionally and physically involved…I was like uh yeah that’s because he’s my husband I said that to myself of course not her…But she went on and on telling me all the details and how often they talked and saw each other….I was more disappointed than I was angry..Mind you he was gone when she wrote me he went to get us some food and when he came home he was looking strange so I think she told him she was going to tell me…So I asked him were you talking to another woman he reluctantly answered after I told him don’t lie because she wrote me and told me everything….

I began to cry…I didn’t want him to touch me I was hurt…Destroyed….Betrayed….Confused….Angry….Frustrated….And pregnant….I did not want to be bothered….He left me alone and slept in the living room I layed in the bed that night and cried my soul out to jesus while listening to gospel music…..I was broken….I felt sick and weak and I had to keep telling myself you’re pregnant don’t stress multiple times….I had to go to work the next morning….And I woke up still crying I got dressed and I dragged to work …When I got there I knew I was physically at work but I was emotionally somewhere else I was damaged I didn’t want to be at work…

I worked as a manager at cvs and while on the register..A guy came up and he said what’s the matter you don’t look so good are you ok and I just did the little hand gesture that means so so ….And he looked at me and said but are you blessed and I said yes and he said remember that before he left and I just knew he was heaven sent..My day got better after that….I remember praying to god and asking him to fix my marriage because I was tired of my husband I hated him I didnt even want to look at him….I prayed god I invite you in because if you don’t do something I’m leaving…God answered my prayer by telling me to stay in my marriage and fight….After finding out I didn’t talk to my husband for almost a week I came home went straight in the room and didn’t speak…But I was still cooking dinner and showing him respect….

My husband broke the silent treatment one day by trying to communicate he eventually told me he was terribly sorry and that he can’t live without me…God told me in my spirit….Love him like I love you…And I did I started with me first I told my husband I forgive you while I was in tears I didn’t want to forgive but I know I needed to for my own salvation then we made up and tried to have sex…I cried the first time we attempted sex after the affair because of the pain of another woman feeling him and him being between her legs…The images killed my spirit I struggled with the thoughts and images….He held me as I cried but we didn’t continue having it was to painful….

My husband took full responsibility for his wrong doing and that made it a little easier to heal he didn’t force healing….I prayed constantly and god ordered my steps taught me to serve my husband be gentle be loving be humble and always forgive…

When I started loving my husband through pain I began to see a shift in my marriage….I ended up talking to the woman again and she wanted sympathy from me I didn’t give her any but I did pray for her and I told her that I forgive her and I love her….I was shocked that was nobody but the god in me she was shocked but god got the glory….

After that…I had my baby and me and my husband began the healing process we talked about the affair I asked questions I wanted to know the whats and the why’s only to find out that he wasn’t as happy as I thought….I never took the time out to think if I was doing everything I should have….But I didn’t blame myself I just had a part in it..Nevertheless we began talking more and more about it more comfortably until we got to a place to laugh about it…

Yes I still had thoughts and images and I still had some insecurities but we were trying to heal….Then 1 day I have a dream that I walk in the room and hes on the phone with a girl…..Sooo a week later I get up and his phone is on charger under pillow grab the phone and go through it and see he’s still communicating with the girl and had saw her again at the mall..Now I’m pissed this was in december 2016 he tells me he ran into her but she told it was planned….So im beginning to feel like my forgiveness was taken for granted…We got a big argument I even said I want a divorce if you want her have her…He said he was telling her we were working things out…I didn’t believe that….So of course god says stay and I’m crying and crying out to god like lord please stay with me dont leave me….Sooooo I forgive again…

Now there was another incident maybe 1 or 2 months later I woke up in the middle of the night and he was gone the front door was unlocked and I got up looked around house and outside and he’s gone so I get the house phone and to my surprise(not) the last number dialed was hers and it had *67 before the number which means he tried to block our number from showing up…So he came in the house like 2 mins after I saw that and I confronted him about it the next morning….I asked him do he miss her he said no and said he didn’t even press call he just put the phone down…We argued about it and he was threatening me and calling me out my name he told me he would me..I was so pissed….

At that point I said I’m not in love with anymore I hated him….But god said do not leave….I prayed so hard for us and our marriage and for the strength to stay still loving him the way god loves us….And I started to see a complete turn around in my marriage my husband started honoring….Respecting….Considering….Loving..Catering….And nurturing me….He started doing things to win my trust back he started changing and I would say thank lord for every change bit by bit…..

Right now in december 2017 a year later I lay next to my best friend we communicate about everything we have fallen in love again my husband has changed 80% not 100 but I’m still the praying and forgiving wife…I’m sitting back watching god fix my marriage before my eyes and I’m amazed how my emotions has changed towards my husband…God will and he can do it if we trust him….

I’m finally starting to get love I deserved it was a battle but I overcame I infidelity🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌 in my marriage and we came out stronger and more in love than when we came into the marriage…Only god…God told me step by step how to love my husband things to do things to what to wear how to act it was amazing how god came in and coached me only because I invited him in….The enemy is after marriages please don’t let him win….In jesus name I pray….

Please share my testimony with anyone you feel it can and will help I love you all be blessed