I have to go to work every day and talk to people...

I don't want work, i don't want to hang, i don't want to talk with anyone, I don't want to be myself. In free time I'm sitting home doing nothing because I don't want to exist, I don't wanna go outside, I don't like what I am and who I am. I just wanna die. I wish i was never born, i don't want a grave or anything, like I never existed.
i'm afraid to do it because i could fail and it could be very painfull and I also don't have a tool that I would need to make it painless.

I find myself struggling with similar thoughts. My life is no picnic, but I am finding things might be gradually picking up with using my free will more and more, and not being dependent on others to live my life the way I want, and on my own terms. It's hard for me to believe that anyone feels as badly as I do right now.

I find myself struggling with similar thoughts. My life is no picnic, but I am finding things might be gradually picking up with using my free will more and more, and not being dependent on others to live my life the way I want, and on my own terms. It's hard for me to believe that anyone feels as badly as I do right now.

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I think the same about myself. in last few days I was in such a bad mental state and I really wanted to do it. I was so paranoid, depressed... i don't know how to correctly describe that feeling, i couldn't even get out of my bed... but i still had to go to work, i was sleeping for like 10-11 hours. suicidal thoughts are in my head for years. And in last few days i really wanted to do it, I was already learning a method.. but then i somehow calm down and picked up a paper and wrote rules for my life in next 1 month.. workout and daily going out for a walk. I would rather do suicide but I'm really scared of doing it... so if this doesn't work... then i'll seriously consider about suicide because i can't take my negative, paranoid and depressive thoughts combied with so much stress anymore.