Speaking exclusively to The Potato, while finishing off another Gin and Slimline Tonic, the 32 year old woman said:

“It’s a shame really. I mean even if I was in a relationship I wouldn’t bother celebrating it. It’s all about the money and not the love. It should be about the love couples have, like the love between me and my Cat. Or my Gin.”

Siobhan went on to give further evidence about the history of the celebrated day, in an attempt to back up her claim about it being nothing more than a marketing initiative by large commercial interests.

She has spent hours over the last number of days, researching the topic, to prove to herself that it’s a corporate ploy and to help distract her from the fact that the only pussy in her life getting any attention is her cat Bingles.

Siobhan will spend the rest of the day slightly drunk, weeping quietly and trying to teach her cat how to do Beyonce’s Single Ladies dance. She is hoping to catch the dance on video, post it online and get it to go viral, so that she can “get herself back out there”.