Tag Archive: leaving

Thank you to everyone who read a post, tweet, or story. It ment the world to me. You allowed me to be the person I wish I was; strong, opinoiated, brave, outspoken, and whole. You gave me a community when I felt so very isolated and a soapbox to reach out across the globe. I have made friends and connections that I would never have dreamed possible, but mostly being this version of myself helped me live with who I really am. I am a coward. I am weak, broken, and easily manipulated. I cannot lie to you or myself anymore so I am bowing out. It comes with tears, I am sure there will be a void where Jess aka b00kreader existed within me, but I cannot be this person so I have to let her go. Please do not feel I have lied about everything because I haven’t my name is Jessica, I went to grad school in South Carolina, and I am a postdoc at DFCI, but I am tired and beat down not scrappy and hungry. The part of me that is so ashamed of not being the person I presented to you is still happy I tried even if it was only a virtual try. Thank you for letting me pretend with you it was amazing while it lasted!

“I’m warning you…I’m not one of those people you can just threaten idly. If your trying to say something, say it.”

“That the problem, isn’t it? I said it, clear as day, and you still didn’t hear it. I’m not taunting you, not in the conventional sense anyway, I’m goading you into paying attention.”

“Oh, is that it? Your so smart and beyond my comprehension that I require your assistance in order to understand. Well…bullshit! I don’t need you, your shitty attitude, or your generous hand outs of information.”

“Finally.”

“You like that? Then your gonna love this sweetheart…I’m gone!”

“Good, go make something of yourself, I would love to see that! That would fucking make my day!”

The screen door slams shut with a loud crack. She holds her breath waiting for the angry sound of wheels crunching and spraying gravel as the beat up Chevy peels out of the driveway. She walks to the door and watches the taillights disappear. “Thank you,” she whispers into the night, “that’s all I wanted, and won’t it just torque your jaw when you realise it.”

The mirror by the door is cracked and crooked, and the image it reflects is worse yet for the wear. Methodically she wipes at her tears, dabs at her broken lip, and powders her swollen cheek, but the reflection never really changes. Then she opens the door and the sunlight sets her light brown eyes to smouldering. As she walks away, head held high never looking back, the mirror’s perspective changes reflecting a different set of truths. She is strong, she is determined, and she is never coming back.