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Children’s Rules for the Beach

Okay, kids! If you haven’t gotten to the beach yet this summer, or if you’ve been going and are headed back, here’s a quick refresher for the rules all children must follow at the beach!

At least one child per family must want to go to the beach, and at least one child must NOT want to go to the beach (even if they actually DO want to go).

All children must take FOREVER to get into their swim wear.

Once at the beach, get as sandy as possible, but only if your parent has not yet applied sunscreen.

Complain about application of sunscreen.

While at the beach, at least one child per family must complain about being sandy at least once. When parent tries to explain that it is the beach and there is literally sand EVERYWHERE, counter-argue with “But I’m TOO sandy!”

While at the beach, at least one child per family must complain about being wet at least once. (See Rule 5 for the rest.)

Throw sand at least once, even when you’re well beyond the age of needing to be told not to throw sand.

Collect many rocks and shells. Give them to your parent to hold and keep safe. Memorize each one so that later on, when your parent has undoubtedly lost one of them, you can describe it in detail, thus proving your undying love and need for said rock or shell.

Claim that you are “bored” or that there’s “nothing to do” at least one time.

If your parent has packed tons of food, don’t eat very much.

If your parent has packed almost no food (because no one ever eats it), claim to be “starving.”

Repeatedly ask for some sort of over-priced, icy treat until parent caves.

Complain about reapplication of sunscreen.

When it’s time to leave the beach, insist that you don’t want to go. It’s preferable if you can do this shortly after you complete Step 9.

In between all of these other rules, be sure to have the time of your life so your parents will bring you back. If you get a little sloppy and fail to complete all of these steps because you’re having TOO much fun, don’t worry about it. You’ll get it next time.

Oh, and just one last quick rule. If you’re running around, using up lots of energy, and you hear your parents say something like, “They’ll go to sleep quickly tonight!” make sure you don’t fall asleep quickly. Like, at all. Make it seem like you didn’t just run around and swim and jump in the waves for eight hours straight.

If we really set our minds to it, we can drive our parents crazy while making awesome family memories. Let’s get out there and do it!

3 Comments

It’s also a good idea to tell your parents a couple of times that you have to go to the bathroom. If they don’t want to take you, say you have to poop. Then change your mind once you get there and say you didn’t have to go after all.