I have Aspergers syndrome

Everyone looks at me with surprise when I say that, they don’t believe me to begin with. But you’re so good at people! You don’t really do you? And then: Why didn’t you tell me?

Well, because it didn’t matter, it wasn’t relevant to the conversation. You didn’t need to know. It’s not what makes me who I am, and I’d rather be judged first without the autism. Then again, if you think I’m different because you know that small thing about me, and you treat me differently because you know I’m an aspie, then I don’t want to be around you any more.

I was diagnosed about three years ago. My brother was diagnosed before me, and I started having problems with people in general, I felt awful, and my parents were worried so they took me to see the people who diagnosed my brother. And after a while, they diagnosed me too.

I hated it to begin with, I felt like I’d failed, like there was something wrong with me. And in a way it is, there is something in my brain that doesn’t work quite like other people’s.

I get stressed a lot, I’m usually stressed actually. And because I’m nearly always stressed I tend to melt down more than other people… I didn’t realize this until about a month ago, but I’m really not shouting at you because you annoyed me, I’m shouting at you because you happened to annoy me after a mountain of other things had already piled on top of me, and I couldn’t deal with another one. So sorry, I didn’t mean to explode at you.

I find people hard, they confuse me. The way I work people out is I play by rules, I watch people and do things the way that works. But this means that if you change the rules, I’m going to find it harder to adjust than most people.

Aspergers does not define me, it’s not the part of me that matters the most. It is part of who I am, but it’s not the only part.

There may be a lot of things I find harder than other people do, but I’ll deal with it. It may take me a bit longer, and I may have to work a bit harder, but I’ll get there in the end. And that’s really the only thing you should know, not that I have Aspergers, not that I got diagnosed with autism. Just that I’m a bit stressed out right now, and I need to walk away and breathe for a minute.

What a beautiful and honest post. Have to admit that I could relate to a lot of that. I never even consider that my son could have felt bad for his diagnosis (he’s 17 now). I don’t think it’s anything wrong it’s just different. Some things about having aspergers puts people at an advantage in my opinion.

They probably are surprised because you are pretty. People have this picture in their mind of what an Aspie is: They think that an aspie is often characterized by complete social failure, being unattractive, obsessive interests ect. The fact of the matter is that we don’t fit any mold. I am highly intelligent, like many Aspies, but I am also attractive, sociable, and my interests are widely varied. I could hold a discussion in philosophy, conspiracy, psychology, politics, machining, harry potter or any number of topics. I am kind, personable and very knowledgeable. I’m not set in my beliefs, and am willing to consider any opinion that varies from mine. These people are shocked because you don’t fit the mold they built up around the label Asperger’s, the definition they use to understand what they do not comprehend. In time, you might realize that this is common with all labels. I’m a 25 year old male with Asperger’s, and I’ve learned not to tell people about it. I didn’t know I had Asperger’s myself until three years ago. I thought your post was very well written, and you show promise to be an excellent author if you so choose. I will tell you one thing though. People are likely to be shocked when you shatter their definitions. But if you start a relationship that way then that will be the basis for how they see you. They will put you in that mold whether you fit or not. In time you will realize that people like us have a hard time fitting into this world because we try to to break down definitions and see why people believe the way they do, while the rest of the world build those definitions up as a defense against their greatest fear. They fear not knowing, while we embrace it. Or at least I do, some Aspies can be even more close minded than most “normal” people… I suppose it depends on the individual. I look forward to seeing you next post! 🙂 -Paul Facebook.com/thehatguy if anyone wants to tell me how wrong I am, I welcome it 🙂

[…] My children’s stories are not mine to tell in detail. That may seem a strange thing to say on what is often labelled a parenting blog, and indeed the earlier entries go into much more detail. But as my audience widened and included people I’ve never met, and my children grew, I reduced the detail, and it is up to them to disclose what they want to. My daughter has written about her own aspergers here. […]