Saturday, February 15, 2014

MetLife Family Values is measured in dollars and cents. Snoopy said so.

Two sisters barge into Idiot Clueless Parents house because they heard that dad got hurt doing something he's Not Supposed to Be Doing Because Come On He's Practically Dead For Chrissakes.

(I'm going to say right here that one of the sisters looks to be about mom's age- I'm not sure how that works- and the other one is really, really cute. I mean really cute. Preachy and insistent and know-it-allish, but really cute. Ok, done now.)

Mom explains that Your Idiot Father (whose name is "Mr. Do It Yourself") was trying to commit suicide by cleaning the gutters when he slipped and fell and suffered an injury which will require that his arm is in a For Dramatic Effect sling when he sheepishly wanders downstairs to see what all the fuss is about I Was Trying To Take A Nap I'm An Old Man Dammit. Homely Daughter and Really Cute Daughter (sorry, I just think she's really cute) display their Sigh Can't Turn Your Back On These People For A Minute looks, and I Am Not Sure I Buy That These Two Girls Are Related Non-Pretty Daughter finds a not-very-subtle way of asking if Mom and Dad have ever considered the possibility of maybe making it possible that the next bad accident be a financial windfall for the survivors.

Mom begs off- "getting insurance at our age can be hard..." but not to worry, Daughter has the answer- "have you considered guaranteed acceptance coverage?" Mom tries again- "but applying for insurance can be complicated..." Daughter will not be denied- she's done her research, the Peanuts characters told her about MetLife, the cartoon music starts and Mom is reeled in for the kill by Seriously this Girl is Stunning Younger Daughter.

Dad shows up just in time to catch the tail end of the "lets plan on dad not surviving the next fall" conversation, and fifteen minutes later he and Mom have agreed to dedicate a large chunk of their fixed income to a company which will ease the pain of losing dad with a wad of cash. Mission accomplished. Now, back to the Ancient Aliens marathon. Speaking of which- this show really lends itself to a great drinking game. Chug a beer every time the narrator says "Ancient Astronaut Theorists." You'll be bombed inside of half an hour.