The List: 10 things from your childhood Michael Bay hasn't ruined yet

Thursday

Aug 7, 2014 at 12:01 AMAug 8, 2014 at 9:15 PM

The Michael Bay-produced reboot of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles explodes into theaters this weekend, leaving us to wonder which other beloved childhood favorites Bay could ruin. Let's imagine how he would.

The Michael Bay-produced reboot of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles explodes into theaters this weekend, leaving us to wonder which other beloved childhood favorites Bay could ruin. Let's imagine how he would.

He-Man

Is there anything that could set off Bay's testosterone-o-meter more than He-Man? It's got two masculine words in a row! We're not sure how he'd turn She-Ra (played by Megan Fox, of course) into an objectified damsel-in-distress, but Bay can find a way!

My Little Pony

Like Transformers, here's a Hasbro toy line that's ripe for Bay's hyperkinetic touch to put the "bro" in "brony." Tagline: "Friendship is magic. Revenge is forever."

The Oregon Trail

No one can dumb down an educational video game quite like Michael Bay. Expect lots of exploding wagons. Starring Nicolas Cage as Dysentery.

Barbie

Hmmm? Michael Bay directs a movie about women. Is there a way he doesn't turn this into a misogynistic piece of crap filled with overly sexualized shots?

"AVT: ALF vs. Thundercats"

Here Bay takes the previously poorly executed concept of "AVP: Alien vs. Predator" and inserts ALF (as a viscous space monster) who hunts his most worthy adversary, the Thundercats. We're not sure how "AVP" gets worse, but leave it to Bay to do it.

"The Breakfast Club"

The John Hughes high-school classic as seen through the eyes of Bay. Find out what happens when three popular cheerleaders (Megan Fox, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Nicola Peltz) and three star quarterbacks (Will Smith, Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson) spend a day in detention and realize they're not that different.

M.U.S.C.L.E. Men

Have you seen the dumpster fire that is "Pain & Gain?" Yup.

Super Mario Bros.

There are obviously not a lot of tricks in Bay's directorial repertoire, and he's had a proven hit in the "Bad Boys" movies. So there's a good chance he just remakes our favorite childhood video game starring Will Smith and Martin Lawrence as two plumbers who must stop the nefarious Bowser from flooding Miami (via the sanitation system) with drugs.