No matter how hard I try, I feel like I can’t get away from my past. It always seems to be brought up at one point or another. It makes me sick to my stomach every time, especially because nobody knows what is going on in my head. What truly happened and how much it impacted my life.

Rape is defined as a type of sexual assault usually involving sexual intercourse or other forms of sexual penetration carried out against a person without that person’s consent. The act may be carried out by physical force, coercion, abuse of authority, or against a person who is incapable of giving valid consent, such as one who is unconscious, incapacitated, has an intellectual disability or is below the legal age of consent.

This definition should be read and reread over and over. And not only read, but understood. If you are with someone, even if you are in a relationship with them, if you have to push them or coerce them into something they don’t want to do, that is rape. If they say no, that is rape. If they explicitly tell you that they aren’t in the mood, that is rape. Please refer to this video to help you understand.

~”Tea Consent” by Emmeline May and Blue Seat Studios~ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQbei5JGiT8

Personally, I have encountered not only rape in the connotation of sexual assault against a person who is incapable of giving valid consent, but also by coercion, and force. Sex is a scary thing for me. My past has forever tainted my viewpoint on it.

I can not express how terrifying it is to wake up in a strangers bed with no memory of the night before; how petrifying it is to not know where you are or what happened to you. To wake up dazed and confused with no pants on. And you know whats even worse than that? Confiding in someone about it and them not taking you seriously, to tell you to your face that what happened wasn’t his fault and that maybe you should have drank less or flirted less. That empowers rape culture. Do not blame the alcohol or the personality of a person. If you are into someone and you KNOW that they are too intoxicated to give valid consent, WAIT. They will still be there tomorrow. If you are at a party and you see a girl stumbling around unable to keep herself up or a girl slurring her words being walked out alone with a man, take it upon yourself to pull her aside and make sure she is alright. Make sure she gets home safe, unaccompanied by someone who isn’t trustworthy. If you don’t know her, find someone that does and get her the help she needs. And if someone confides in you about a possible rape, just listen and be there for them.

Do you know what’s even more horrifying? Telling someone NO, and them not listening. Once upon a time I met a guy at a club, we danced a little, talked a little, and exchanged numbers. We had spent time together on two separate occasions and things were going alright, but one night he came over late and asked to watch some tv. I said okay why not, I had some wrapping to do and I wouldn’t mind some company. The night progressed and once I finished up with everything I joined him on my bed to finish the series we had been watching. I avoided as much physical contact as possible so that he wouldn’t get the wrong idea, but none of that mattered. He wouldn’t stop trying to get physical with me. Before I knew it, he was on top of me. He tried to take off my shirt and I explicitly told him no, that I wasn’t comfortable doing that. He continued to attempt to remove my cloths & I continued to get the message across that I didn’t want this to happen, but he still pursued. He was still on top of me. I told him to stop and he didn’t. We had sex that night. The entire time it was occurring, all I could think about was how much I hated myself, how this was all my fault. I was frozen. I wanted to throw up.

Don’t be afraid to speak up, no matter if it is for yourself or for someone else. Don’t let someone be added to the statistics. The average amount of women who have been a victim of an attempted or completed rape is 1 in 6, lets fight to change that.