Show those motherf*ckers you're serious!™

May 02, 2005

Reid to Dems: Now's the Time for Shitty Compromise!

The wheels seem to be falling off the White House wagon lately: approval ratings down, the Social Security initiative stuck, the war highly unpopular, and half the country thinking Dubya's a liar. This is traditionally the kind of situation which the Democrats "take advantage of" by proposing all sorts of GOP-Lite plans, reminding Americans that Bush is the funner evil and restoring his popularity. And indeed, Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid does not disappoint! We publish the following memo from Reid, obtained by ReverseVoteSwap.org, for our readers' information.

Republicans on the Run: Now's the Time for Shitty Compromise!

Dear colleagues--

We've always known the Bush Republicans were reckless, but until now we've never really experienced how dangerous they can be. Their capricious actions are threatening everything that we hold dear about the American political system: its stability; its steadiness; its stableness; its equipoise. Having bitterly divided the Red from the Blue, Karl Rove and his Crawford cronies are now doing even worse--reuniting them!

Solid majorities of Americans are now against Social Security privatization, the Iraq War, and plumb-crazy Christians getting all up in their biz-nazz. But, fellow Democrats, these are our issues, too! Should we let the GOP get in the way of implementing the ruling-class and right-wing policies we share? No, no, a thousand times no!

Friends, we must unleash the most devastating and nuanced weapon in the Democratic arsenal: the shitty compromise. I have already led the way with my brilliant gambit to save the filibuster by promising not to use it. Also, Senators Kerry and Clinton have co-sponsored anti-choice legislation with Rick Santorum which protects access to birth control by not necessarily banning birth control per se.

This is a good start, but we can do more. For example:

Social Security: Propose a bill which allows for private accounts controlled by Wall Street con-artists--if they promise to donate 1% of their profits to faith-based charities!