Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Frozen in today and want something to read? The Atlantic published a very thorough and thought-provoking piece on the threat posed by the Islamic State as well as its origins. Laughing at the Islamic State brings much peril but ignoring IS is something Americans are prone to do. One of the dangers of being surrounded by two oceans. Out of sight and out of mind. Pour a nice drink and read. This is a good one.

What is the Islamic State?

Where did it come from, and what are its intentions? The simplicity of these questions can be deceiving, and few Western leaders seem to know the answers. In December, The New York Times published confidential comments by Major General Michael K. Nagata, the Special Operations commander for the United States in the Middle East, admitting that he had hardly begun figuring out the Islamic State’s appeal. “We have not defeated the idea,” he said. “We do not even understand the idea.” In the past year, President Obama has referred to the Islamic State, variously, as “not Islamic” and as al-Qaeda’s “jayvee team,” statements that reflected confusion about the group, and may have contributed to significant strategic errors.

The group seized Mosul, Iraq, last June, and already rules an area larger than the United Kingdom. Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi has been its leader since May 2010, but until last summer, his most recent known appearance on film was a grainy mug shot from a stay in U.S. captivity at Camp Bucca during the occupation of Iraq. Then, on July 5 of last year, he stepped into the pulpit of the Great Mosque of al-Nuri in Mosul, to deliver a Ramadan sermon as the first caliph in generations—upgrading his resolution from grainy to high-definition, and his position from hunted guerrilla to commander of all Muslims. The inflow of jihadists that followed, from around the world, was unprecedented in its pace and volume, and is continuing.

Our ignorance of the Islamic State is in some ways understandable: It is a hermit kingdom; few have gone there and returned. Baghdadi has spoken on camera only once. But his address, and the Islamic State’s countless other propaganda videos and encyclicals, are online, and the caliphate’s supporters have toiled mightily to make their project knowable. We can gather that their state rejects peace as a matter of principle; that it hungers for genocide; that its religious views make it constitutionally incapable of certain types of change, even if that change might ensure its survival; and that it considers itself a harbinger of—and headline player in—the imminent end of the world.....

Bin Laden viewed his terrorism as a prologue to a caliphate he did not expect to see in his lifetime. His organization was flexible, operating as a geographically diffuse network of autonomous cells. The Islamic State, by contrast, requires territory to remain legitimate, and a top-down structure to rule it. (Its bureaucracy is divided into civil and military arms, and its territory into provinces.)

We are misled in a second way, by a well-intentioned but dishonest campaign to deny the Islamic State’s medieval religious nature......

There is a temptation to rehearse this observation—that jihadists are modern secular people, with modern political concerns, wearing medieval religious disguise—and make it fit the Islamic State. In fact, much of what the group does looks nonsensical except in light of a sincere, carefully considered commitment to returning civilization to a seventh-century legal environment, and ultimately to bringing about the apocalypse.

The most-articulate spokesmen for that position are the Islamic State’s officials and supporters themselves. They refer derisively to “moderns.” In conversation, they insist that they will not—cannot—waver from governing precepts that were embedded in Islam by the Prophet Muhammad and his earliest followers. They often speak in codes and allusions that sound odd or old-fashioned to non-Muslims, but refer to specific traditions and texts of early Islam......

The reality is that the Islamic State is Islamic. Very Islamic. Yes, it has attracted psychopaths and adventure seekers, drawn largely from the disaffected populations of the Middle East and Europe. But the religion preached by its most ardent followers derives from coherent and even learned interpretations of Islam.

Virtually every major decision and law promulgated by the Islamic State adheres to what it calls, in its press and pronouncements, and on its billboards, license plates, stationery, and coins, “the Prophetic methodology,” which means following the prophecy and example of Muhammad, in punctilious detail. Muslims can reject the Islamic State; nearly all do. But pretending that it isn’t actually a religious, millenarian group, with theology that must be understood to be combatted, has already led the United States to underestimate it and back foolish schemes to counter it......

Following takfiri doctrine, the Islamic State is committed to purifying the world by killing vast numbers of people. The lack of objective reporting from its territory makes the true extent of the slaughter unknowable, but social-media posts from the region suggest that individual executions happen more or less continually, and mass executions every few weeks. Muslim “apostates” are the most common victims. Exempted from automatic execution, it appears, are Christians who do not resist their new government. Baghdadi permits them to live, as long as they pay a special tax, known as the jizya, and acknowledge their subjugation. The Koranic authority for this practice is not in dispute....

The Koran specifies crucifixion as one of the only punishments permitted for enemies of Islam. The tax on Christians finds clear endorsement in the Surah Al-Tawba, the Koran’s ninth chapter, which instructs Muslims to fight Christians and Jews “until they pay the jizya with willing submission, and feel themselves subdued.” The Prophet, whom all Muslims consider exemplary, imposed these rules and owned slaves.

Leaders of the Islamic State have taken emulation of Muhammad as strict duty, and have revived traditions that have been dormant for hundreds of years. “What’s striking about them is not just the literalism, but also the seriousness with which they read these texts,” Haykel said. “There is an assiduous, obsessive seriousness that Muslims don’t normally have.”.....

It would be facile, even exculpatory, to call the problem of the Islamic State “a problem with Islam.” The religion allows many interpretations, and Islamic State supporters are morally on the hook for the one they choose. And yet simply denouncing the Islamic State as un-Islamic can be counterproductive, especially if those who hear the message have read the holy texts and seen the endorsement of many of the caliphate’s practices written plainly within them....Rest of essay.

56 comments:

Anonymous
said...

We will never defeat ISIS as long as we are bound by the modern day politically correct pansies. ISIS has mastered guerilla warfare. You can't defeat guerilla warfare without violating the modern rules of war (see Vietnam, Iraq, and Afghanistan).

The last time guerilla warfare was defeated was during the Civil War. If Yankees were fired upon by rebels practicing guerilla warfare tactics, the Yankees would take revenge out on the nearest civilian population. They claimed that the nearest City had to be supporting the rebels, which they likely were.

So the Yankees would steal everything of use and/or value, burn the City, murder the children, and rape and/or murder the women. Thus leaving NOTHING for the bands of guerillas to work with or live off of. And it worked.

This is the type of brutality it takes to defeat guerilla warfare. You must eradicate the support system. It's a shame the Yankees didn't have the same views on this then as they do today.

Agreed, very strong article. It makes no sense to call these fundamentalists "not Islamic" (sorry Obama), any more than for Protestants & Catholics to call each other "not Christian." Fortunately not many Muslims share this nostalgia for the 7th century.

The US will fall to the IS because there are too many uneducated voters that have elected a Black Muslim to the Presidency. They will not notice that they have been invaded until their cell phones, cable TV, and condoms are taken away (not to mention their heads). There is no one in power today that wants to stop it either (Democrat or Republican). They will continue to bow to Obama's demands as long as their pockets are filled. A big bank account won't do them much good after the invasion is complete.Thomas Sowell has it right, if the IS obtains nuclear weapons and bombs the US, who or what will keep our President from surrendering...the answer...no one.

The only rationalization I can come up with, is that no matter Islamic, Christian, or Buddhist, terrorists or slain, the fact of the matter is that these are all people. ( secular humanism, I guess?)The impression im getting is that anyone no matter what religion, race, or creed one happens to be, they can become a terrorist/ martyr for radical ideology or become victims of said barbaric idealogy.Leap over back to the U.S. and apply this view to 'lone wolf terrorism' and the same applies, I guess.I'm just trying to understand the angle besides writing it off as simply being too politically correct.

I always learn a lot of things when I visit JJ. Today, I learned that ISIS is going to destroy America, we have a Black Muslim president who will surrender to them, and that we need to kill children and rape women in war to have a fighting chance. Oh, and that Republicans bow down to Obama's demands, because he is filling their pockets.

Do you idiots even realize what idiots you are? That's a rhetorical question, BTW.

Noone ever suggested raping and murdering children and women (that's a yankee tactic). But we will never beat geurilla warfare when we are too politically correct to eliminate the support system. America hasn't won a war since it became so caught up in political correctness.

3:47 is a good writer. The Iraq we have gotten mired into is already back in time. It is where the Koran was created. Ali (the proper successor to the Prophet) was murdered there. Its got a destiny with the religion that it spawned. The sad region has us drawn into it due to the policy of the Clinton and Bush dynasties. President Obama wants to create another coalition of the willing, but its going to be the Turks and Iran that partition it.

12:34 paints an alarming and frightening account of Lincoln's Unnecessary War. But, as a member of the SOCV who has done my share of research and attended more than my share of lectures and presentations by historians, I can say that 12:43 is without a doubt, entirely accurate. Asking for a link or citation displays supreme ignorance.

Not only is he correct in his war-statements, he is accurate in their modern-day applicability. At the other end of the spectrum, we have those who advocate a Job Fair.

The President had a religious education in Islam and understands it better than most of the elites in the Pentagon and State Depts--probably better than the Europeans. VP Biden has a better grasp on the region than most sitting Senators and past Secretaries of State. If the administration had taken the advice of Sen. McCain we might have unseated Assad but still confronted with IS. If the administration had taken the Vice President's advice Iraq would already be partitioned. The EU strategy might be to create a Kurdish state balanced with a greater Turkey and a slightly expanded Saudi Arabia.

Donna, I don't understand why you are so hostile towards us. I believe the women of the confederacy were the toughest women to ever live. They endured hell (on behalf of the yankees attempt to starve out the rebels, I.e. All of the south) and held their chins up high. Can you imagine keeping your children fed while having to live off the land, and all able body men away fighting for independence? Add on top of that the invading army stealing the food you use to feed your family. But you fed them anyway. Our women are truly the prize of the south.

That is assuming you are a true southern lady. I suspect your from yankee (English) bloodline.

Please, I beg you, do your own research into Sherman's total war. I encourage you to read civilian, soldier, and slave diaries.

KF, the point of the surge was that we surged. Small force =/= surge. It was always going to be a stopgap, decent-interval thing.

Fundamental problem: Shiite majority, pissed after decades of Sunni dominance. How ya gonna fix that? The country lacks the political culture for liberal democracy. I'm a stone cold Burkean conservative here: a culture has to grow its way to democracy.

Iraq was a nasty dictatorship where nonetheless a woman could become a doctor & people lucky enough to avoid crossing the regime could lead normal lives. We kicked the crest off the anthill with no clue what would happen. Knocking off Saddam was a pure gift to Iran. The lack of any geopolitical thought whatsoever is staggering. I have low expectations of pols in general & GOP pols in particular, & I'm still a little stunned at what we did with no rational thought apparent.

And now we have failing states in Syria & Iraq, with scum like ISIS seizing their moments. Aiding the less abhorrent sides with air strikes may be the least bad option, but we are past the point of good options. I just pray for no more US boots on the ground getting blown up for people who don't want us there & don't want anything we can give them (except weapons to kill us & each other).

You need not focus on Atlanta re: Sherman and his destruction in Georgia.Do yourself a favor and pick up a copy of Margie Bearss' book, "Sherman's Forgotten Campaign: The Meridian Expedition" to learn about the destruction of our state.

The American Civil War was a moment that God's wrath was emptied on our country. I have searched for Christian prophetic validation and so far its just the Morman, Joseph Smith & the 'Battle Hymn of the Republic'. Historians are still talking about tactics and strategy. The American historiographic narrative is secular and ideological. In other words, we still don't know the cause which was idolatry. The Iraq-Syria conflict has a prophetic cause which is plainly stated. ISIS fighters are expectant of the Mahdi which is why they kill all the'apostates' they can get their hands on. The Prophet will return to help them win and install their caliphate.

I would remind everyone that there is a distinct military advantage to fighting in your own territory. The British learned that. You Civil War buffs need to figure out how many battles Lee won on Yankee soil as well! And, try to remember how depleted of men and equipment the Confederacy was when the Yankees won battles on Southern soil!

You seem to think that what Sherman did was necessary and didn't cause problems we still see today. It's past time for you to look at what the realities in the South were when Sherman marched. We were already beaten. This was more akin to dropping the bomb on Hiroshima.

I would remind everyone that you have to be able to occupy the territory and have an established, workable, non-hostile government in place when you leave it.

The simplistic views of war in the comments above are telling.

Do you know how many men and women we have in uniform in all the western countries and what the weaponry status is? Do you know how many nukes we could drop without causing nuclear winter? Do you know the logistical and deployment problems that will have to be overcome?

The Islamic State is what ISIS hopes to create. They have not created it as yet and what they describe to recruit is impossible. What we should be is letting young Muslims know that it's impossible.

Your comparison is like suggesting the Southern Baptist convention could take over and run this country. No doubt some of you believe that since you don't have a clue about the kind of expertise from top to bottom it'd take to run a country.

That some of you concede ISIS has already achieved a Caliphate only helps them recruit the equally naïve.

To concede that ISIS is a legitimate organization capable of creating a world where Muslims will powerfully control the world is idiotic and just what ISIS wants their recruits to believe!

We are beginning to finally get Jordan, Saudi Arabia and Egypt into the game and y'all want to make it impossible for them to succeed in that by making this a war of religions and non-Islamic nations against Islamic nations instead of a war of good vs. evil and medieval vs. modern.

And, I notice not a one of you seems to have any notion of our current ( or past) military realities.

If you want an all out war, then we will have to go " all out" and start drafting NOW.

But, even then there are 208 billion Muslims in the world and 59% are between the ages of 16-40.

So what seems smart to y'all about making this a religious war?

You'd best hope China will join in if you succeed in making every Muslim think we hate them! And, if China will fight with us , we best hope they can up their boots on the ground game in time.

And, then there's the problem of oil supplies to last us long enough.

And, I'm more than a little tired of those of you who never saw combat in 'Nam or anywhere else opining imagining yourselves to be experts in that war. You seem to think we had weapons and capabilities that didn't exist. You think opening a two front war with Cambodia was feasible. Nixon would have done it if it were!

And, if you haven't noticed Vietnam is now one of our allies.1

If you are so gung ho, enlist and make sure all your family members between the ages of 18 and 35 enlist NOW.

Or, some of you could admit you don't know jack and that maybe our President and Pentagon know more than you do!

I have dealt with lots of Muslims in my job. Honestly there is no other ethnic group that is as hostile and disagreeable. They are inherently pissed at the world, oppressive to women, argumentative and rude, hypersensitive and over reactive to anything other that boot licking obsequiousness. You have to dance on eggshells to deal with them, can't directly address their women, and basically kiss their ass or they explode. Islam is not a religion of peace, it is a religion of intolerance and hate. Muslims are brainwashed from birth to believe we are infidels that are sub-human. It is an honor to die killing non believers in Islam, as is it glorious to build mosques on top of monuments that have been destroyed. We need to wake up and realize that Islam is not peaceful nor does it want to coexist. Our leaders want to avoid the obvious and lie to us that we are not at war against Islam. Don't get me wrong, I am not a fan of any religion, but Islam is the worst of them all. Totally intolerant and aggressive to anyone not in the fold, a bad combination. I guess that cutting the heads off Christians, flying jets into buildings, and burning enemies alive is just their right as a religion that we should accept. When it happens on our own shores again, I am going to be interested in what our government does.

"VP Biden has a better grasp on the region than most sitting Senators and past Secretaries of State."

VP Biden cheated his way through law school.VP Biden thinks "Jobs" is a three letter word.VP Biden makes Dan Quayle look like G.K. Chesterton.If VP Biden has a better grasp on the region than most sitting Senators and past Secretaries of State then we are beyond screwed.

It was, however, attended with massive starvation of civilians. Sherman fed his army with the supplies of the people, who already had little. Grant later fed his army off of the civilian supplies as well. Give it up you damn liberal.

The trouble with Biden is Biden. Ok. But like Pres. Obama he has no trouble killing jihadhists. Same as Bush and Clinton. The Bush surge in Iraq was successful because the Iraq telecom traffic was owned by the Pentagon and the military units of the coalition just got the address and did the 'dirty work' like it was a CIA hit. Trouble is that won't work now. Iraq & Syria will be cut up by the victors. As for the USA, we will be re-fighting the Civil War for a long time especially in terms of political party conflict & federal-state relations.

Of all of the well-intentioned but unintelligent banter above, yours has taken the cake. For starters, muslims are not an ethnic group. I, too, have dealt with many muslims in my job capacity as well as in Turkey and Iraq. To a man and woman, they are some of the nicest humans one could ever hope to come across. I'm sorry that you have experienced otherwise, but it is unwise to brush with such broad strokes.

In their history, as in their politics, several JJ commenters are happy just to believe what they believe, without any irritable reaching out for facts or evidence.

I tend to think that if actual starvation had been a major killer of civilians in the South, it would be possible to cite some authority for that fact.

Confederate soldiers were often so bereft of food (due to the South's miserable logistics) that they deserted back home, which would not have made much sense had everyone back home been starving.

But the historical equivalent of Fox News apparently has convinced some people that Sherman killed civilians in their thousands, so it has to be believed. As Sherman showed during & after the war, he was not a fan of rights for the blacks and he had much sympathy for the Southern people, provided they abandoned their rebellion.

"Donna, I don't understand why you are so hostile towards us. I believe the women of the confederacy were the toughest women to ever live. They endured hell (on behalf of the yankees attempt to starve out the rebels, I.e. All of the south) and held their chins up high. Can you imagine keeping your children fed while having to live off the land, and all able body men away fighting for independence? Add on top of that the invading army stealing the food you use to feed your family. But you fed them anyway. Our women are truly the prize of the south.

That is assuming you are a true southern lady. I suspect your from yankee (English) bloodline.

Please, I beg you, do your own research into Sherman's total war. I encourage you to read civilian, soldier, and slave diaries.

Remember that the winners of wars always write history."

It is not ALWAYS the case, that histories are written by those who win wars. And while much of what you are saying is true, I have to ask whether you realize that your command of the English Language is severely sub-par.

8:51 places a lot of faith in our Pentagon - I'd suggest reading an ancient tome called "The Pentagon Papers" to learn something about their honesty. These days the leadership there seems preoccupied with the rights of transgender soldiers; our readiness to withstand an attack - maybe not so much.

As for the CiC, well, "if you like your plan you can keep your plan" and "every family will see their premiums reduced by $2500" and numerous other quotes tell you all you need to know about his honesty and/or grasp on reality.

Finally, "But, even then there are 208 billion Muslims in the world and 59% are between the ages of 16-40." Let's see, even with all their raping and selling pre-pubescent girls into sexual slavery the UN still only estimates the entire world's population as seven billion. Those other 201 billion Muslims - are they hiding somewhere really really camouflaged?

Most of the confederates deserted and came home because they received letter from home saying that everything had been burned and stolen and they didn't know how they would eat. So the soldiers would stop their fight for independence and come home and try to feed their family.

That's understandable.

What I don't understand, is why did so many Union soldiers desert when Lincoln freed the southern slaves? It's not like the confederates were at their homeland burning farms and stealing food. Surely it couldn't have been that they weren't fighting for that....

Lincoln was such an evil person he refused to take union prisoners off of confederate hands, saying he'd rather the prisoners be a burden on the confederacy.

On top of slaughtering innocent civilians, the evil man intentionally starved his own soldiers.

I favor killing children in war against ISIS only to the extent that it is unavoidable that a nuclear detonation kills everyone in a certain radius. Look, it worked against fanatics in Japan. Two flashes of light and it turned them into the best automobile manufacturers on the earth. We could all be buying middle eastern cars in 30 years.

The North had the US Navy. US Navy gunboats also won the West. Jefferson Finis Davis had not read in Romans 13 that rebellion against the government is sure to kindle God's wrath. Pres. Davis should have hanged and Gen. Lee as well. When political leaders defy the Almighty they will certainly drag their people through hell. If Pres. Davis had been rational he would have surrendered the government when he lost the war in the West.

Who is the Hottest Reporter in Jackson?

Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything). Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up. In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!