Ode to the Ocean

“Don’t let the waves of others drown out your ocean song. Hold your heart as though it was a seashell. And listen to it. Listen to its music. To the whispers of your ocean within. And then swim. Swim to your own ocean music.” S.C Lourie

I just got back from a five day vacation in Miami Beach with my 16 year old niece, just her and me. I have no words for the experience, no words. I’m looking for the words, but they aren’t coming. Amazingly, I think I’m okay with that. I will leave it where it happened, on the beach.

We have been back for two days, and my brain is having a hard time digesting everything. I find myself crying a lot. I cried when my niece went home. I miss her. But it isn’t only her I miss. It is that time we had and the place we had it. It is gone.

I want to hold onto it. But I know that holding onto things causes pain. How do I let it go? How do I place it where it belongs, dancing delicately on the beach and in my heart and soul? No one can take it from me there. So there it will stay.

When we left our hotel, I wrote the following post on Facebook, “Bye Deauville and bye ocean. Ocean I will miss you very much. We loved you so much we didn’t go in the pool once. Thank you for being perfect. Until we meet again ✌️and ?”.

Tears poured down my face as I sat in the cab and posted that on facebook. I cried leaving the ocean. I never felt this way before leaving something that wasn’t human. I felt this heart connection with that ocean. I felt it deep burning in my chest. I felt it pulling me back.

My niece and I had talks and laughs in the ocean. Our souls met there. It was so light. Our souls are still lingering together in that spot. We talked about my niece’s sister and her mom who passed away tragically when my niece was small. I felt her mom with us there. Her mom was so happy we visited her. It was pure magic.

I meditated and read by the ocean. The last day there, I had the realization of this communion I had with the ocean. I had been reading the book, The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer. This book really opened my heart and soul. I feel I let something out there, reading on that ocean. I let a part of my spirit free.

When we got to the airport that day, something strange happened that was no coincidence. Two men started talking to me at the airport. It seemed they were hitting on me, and both of them used the fact that they had houses by the ocean to do it! This stood out as odd, because this is not a common occurrence for me. I was by no means asking for this.

Of course I nonchalantly mentioned my husband and cut this off BOTH times. But it kind of scared me. I wondered if it was my fault, if I did something wrong that got me hit on when I’m married? But I believe it was that strong ocean desire and connection I let out into The Universe. The Universe was already trying to give the ocean back to me. I kind of laugh when I write this!

I am not sure what to make of it all. I am obviously not going to leave my husband to be with a man who has a house by the ocean. But I do now believe that anything is possible. I believe if my heart belongs there, there it will be.

Everything I say here is true. I want to write it down before it is lost and washes off the shore. Right now part of my spirit is still lingering on Miami Beach. My heart still aches for it. I know this feeling will go away, at least in intensity.

For now, I am okay with it being open and free in the water. I will enjoy it. I will linger out there with my niece. I will lay in our talks. I will be still in our silence. I will float in our laughter. I will swim in the connection with her mother. I will walk in her mother’s gratitude. I will connect with eternity here.

Someone reading this might think I have lost my mind. But I swear I have never been more sane. I am clear. Things happened on this vacation that I can’t explain and couldn’t have planned if I tried. I learned to not force things. I learned to talk to God. I learned that life is like that ocean. The tides will come in and out. I can’t stop them. I can only enjoy what I have in the moment I have it. Life is delicate, but life is also fierce. Take it lightly, but live deeply.

Open your eyes and ears. If I listen hard enough, I can hear the waves. They go all through my body telling me all is sparkling. They have a plan. They will make me a perfect shell. They will whisper in my ears where to go, what to say, and to whom (as in A Course in Miracles). They are never far. I just have to get quiet and know the waves are in me and the ocean is with me. So this is my ode to the ocean, and until we meet again, I promise to keep it close.