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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Words are a vital part of the wedding ceremony. With them you promise to love and cherish one another, declare your commitment publicly, and tell Uncle Randall to ease up on the Jägerbombs. Or at least stop dancing.

So, it's no wonder that some couples want to incorporate words on their wedding cake. And it's also no wonder - at least to me, heh - when those words spell disaster.

Or misspell it, as the case may be.

Note that the baker used the classic Wilton letter press on the first tier, but then gave up and free-handed the rest. And how "forword" is misspelled. And that "for worse" is left off. Now note the spacing. And the colors. And the...oh, are you ready to move on?

I'm told one or two of those words are misspelled, but frankly I was too distracted by the heaps of soggy seaweed to notice. Maybe that's the point?

No. Just...no.

Jessica wanted the writing on her cake to match the font of their invitations, so she brought in this handy reference picture:

She also asked that the roses be made of icing.

Drum roll, please!

I especially like the roses. Classy.

I think this one's my favorite, though:

Give it a minute.

Let it all sink in. Or line up. Or whatever.

Now, at first I thought the baker had stacked these in the wrong order, since it kind of looks like the top tier connects with the bottom one. When I saw the back, though, I realized:

I just don't understand how this could ever be possible. I'm not the type to become a bridezilla (I'd say most screwups would just make me laugh) but SERIOUSLY. If I got a cake like this, I would probably throw a ridiculous fit.

After seeing the second (A&S) cake, I have a good idea for professional cake decorators (not wreckerators). Construct a dummy wedding cake out of plaster (or even wood craft boxes) and paint with high gloss white paint. Then make a replica of what the bride orders for advance approval. It would avoid the unpleasant green piping and spiders on an otherwise nice cake. Just pipe on the replica, get approval, take a photo, and wipe it off for the next bride.

Wow. That last one is made all the classier by having the topper couple show that the bride "wears the pants" in that relationship. Maybe the groom ordered the cake and it's her way of showing that this sort of nonsense will never happen again.

WV: sugeortm. I don't even have a clever sentence for it, I just thought it was a funny word.

Stupid, stupid topper on the last cake, ESPECIALLY with the writing... if you can call it writing. And I think the wreckerator underlined "beautiful" in a pathetic attempt to disguise the fact that she actually misspelled the word and had to rub it out (or in?) and start over.

I'm with SuBee. I feel for those poor brides. Hopefully they're looking back on these and laughing now.

Cake #1: I can almost hear the conversation that went on for the first cake...

"What are *you* doing??""I'm stamping out the letters so the cake looks nice, why?""OMG we don't have time for that!""But I've got the first row done already!""It's almost time to deliver the cake, hurry up and just pipe the letters!""OK, I'm done!""Oh for Pete's sake! You misspelled 'forward' and left out 'for worse'!""Well, you rushed me! Hopefully no one will notice!"

Cake #2: Let's see..[looking past the kelp]..on the first tier it looks like husband isn't quite right. I'm not sure if it's huband or husbad. Tomorrow is 'tommorrow'.

"What are *you* doing??""I'm writing the bride and groom's names on the cake, why?""Those aren't supposed to be separate cakes! They need to be stacked on top of each other!""Ohhhhhh, now you tell me! Hopefully no one will notice!"

And the conversation on the last cake...

"What are *you* doing?""I'm looking at the cake topper sweetums. Um, why doesn't the groom have any pants?""Because.""OK, dear." muttering under his breath..."Hopefully, with that ugly cake, no one will notice."

Alright, maybe they don't look that great, but I think that the "piles of seaweed" are mussels or clams chosen to go along with the sea green color scheme. I'm not sure why mussels are a good decoration for cakes, but I've never understood shell shaped chocolates either. The flavors just clash in my mind.

And there is nothing wrong with two heads becoming one! However, if, as they say, two heads are better than one, are two heads becoming one better than two heads not becoming one?:-)

Cake #5 is very figurative, you see, because it demonstrates the beautiful imagery of how marriage makes Ashl-hley and Laren-lare-laren become intertwined and interwoven in each others'...oh nevermind.

I like the last cake where they underlined "that" along with "trustworthy" and "beautiful." It's like they wanted us to make our own sentence out of those three words. Beautiful, that trustworthy! The 'hey' and 'is' are implied, respectively.

On the last cake, with the pantless groom, I was thinking that his being pantless had something to do with the emphasis on the word trustworthy. Seriously, how can you do a cake with writing and then ruin it by underlining certain words (and making the underlining look random with 'that')?!?

I think on the first one, the wreckerator got to to "poo" and had a laughing fit.

Cake #2 looked so much like a signed high school yearbook that no on could take it seriously.

Cake #3 has 2 heats becoming one.Or 2 heads. Who really knows?

#4 and #5 are just puzzlingly pitiable.

But Cake #6? Blurg. the sentiment is the most vomitous I have seen in print since 7th grade. "That" is underlined for no earthly reason, and there is no redeeming feature in the decoration or the cake. I has got to be wreckerator's revenge for such a juvenile cake topper. how old were the bride and groom--14???

Why is the Larena/Ashley (or whatever--lesbian couple, perhaps?) cake draped in black fabric? Is it for a funeral? Maybe poor Larena and Ashley died right before the ceremony and everyone figured, we paid for the food and the reception hall is booked. Why waste a party? It's a wake cake now, baby!

I also thought that one cake said "two heads become one." I guess it's for an intellectual couple who doesn't go for all that romance stuff, but there should be little brains piped on the cake, not hearts.

K, that seaweed cake is bugging me - I think I found "tommoorow" on the bottom tier to the left of Pisces, and "husbend" to the left of the date on the middle tier, but I'm skeptical of "begirring" to the right of Pisces.

WV: fiffr - the sound I made spitting out my tea when I noticed the bride was wearing the pants on that last cake's topper - classy.

These cakes are exactly why I am TERRIFIED of getting married in a year.

Though, if the worst thing to go wrong is the cake, I think we'll be ok. And I may be able to laugh about by the time the reception comes around, because, well, I'll hopefully feel like, "Who cares, I just married my best friend!"

Let's not be so critical of the bride wearing the pants. Maybe the groom likes it that way! A bad cake hopefully will not ruin a stable, mutually respectful mistress/slave relationship that works for both of them.

ration: Better ration that wedding cake. There will never be another one like it - if you're lucky.

One of the wedding cakes I decorated the bride requested the entire cake be covered with writing, she supplied me with the various phrases and words she wanted incorporated in the design. This was a 3 tier cake and the writing was small and neat and in a slightly deeper ivory color than the background. It looked great when finished, I often wondered if they discovered a couple of my hidden phrases I inserted in the design such as "pick up your socks" , "do the dishes" and "empty the trash"

Tricia, You need to patent that idea. NOW. There is a bakery not far from me that will "rent" you a cake: one that is fake but made to look real. For couples that want a huge wedding cake to show off but don't actually want 700 servings of cake. They're gonna stumble on your idea sooner or later, so get to the patent office now!

I think I know what happened with the "Larene/Ashley" cake (maybe).When I first looked at it, it seemed as if they brought in a reference photo with a watermark on it that, the wrecker decided, OBVIOUSLY belonged on the actual cake... right?

That's all I've got. If this is what's going on, I'll make my own wedding cake!

Did anyone else notice that the "i" on the I will love you isn't upper case either? My wedding cake was made by a friend who was a cook in the Navy and it was beautiful! I agree with SuBee, Little Debbie snackers would have been better!

Do these people ever actually go to the bakery and see examples of the bakers work or do they just think Aunt Martha makes such good cookies that she can bake a wedding cake too? I feel bad for the brides but really, when I got married I demanded a book of past work and took careful inventory of the quality of work on display and in the to go out and deliver rack....

The thing I noticed in the last one (because I can only focus on so much) is the "unselfish" line and the bride wearing the grooms pants. Really? Nothing says "unselfish" like demaening the other half from the get go.

Lol I can't stop laughing at that topper on the last cake. A groom in his boxers?? Could have been worse I suppose but don't need to give wreckerators any encouragement. I suppose for richer or for poorer just didn't make it into their vows? Or that the cake wreckerator just hated that part lol.

That is so ridiculously sad. :( If I had wanted something fancy done for my wedding cake (we had a delicious chocolate covered cake with just our names [which is bad enough when we both have unusual names/spellings]), I would have demanded to see photos proving that the bakery/decorator had enough skill to do it. Surely you would peruse their portfolio, when it's for your wedding cake?

I see people start making their chosen bakery/decorator sign a contract guaranteeing they won't CakeWreck the wedding day!

On the "Three days past forever" Wreck, I thought it said "These days pass forever," which could either be interpreted as "These days take forever to pass," or, "These days are always passing." I prefer the first one.

wv - hogto. It would take someone with the baking skills of a hogto make Wrecks as bad as these.

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