A recent study investigated income and mortality rates and found a nearly 15-year difference in life expectancy between the wealthiest and poorest Americans, with the longevity of those in poverty strongly correlated to what zip code they lived in. What do you think?

FORT LAUDERDALE, FL—According to guests lined up at the front desk and seated at the nearby hotel bar, the entire Marriott Courtyard lobby was treated to every song in 4-year-old Emma Freeland’s catalogue Wednesday while her parents checked into their room. “I thought she might just sing us ‘The Itsy-Bitsy Spider,’ but no—she segued right into ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star,’ and then launched into an energetic choreographed rendition of ‘I’m A Little Teapot,’” said business traveler Sean Erskine, explaining how the complimentary show then continued with an extended four-minute rendition of “The Wheels On The Bus” as Freeland’s parents negotiated for an oceanfront room with a pull-out bed. “I figured the half-sung, half-hummed version of ‘He’s Got The Whole World In His Hands’ was the grand finale, but after a brief intermission to hide between her mother’s legs, she came back with an ...

LOS ANGELES—Amid a massive outpouring of acclaim from fans, fellow athletes, and media members ahead of his retirement, players on the Los Angeles Lakers admitted to reporters Thursday that they are kind of curious what it must be like to be inspired by Kobe Bryant. “I keep hearing all these players on other teams and athletes from other sports talk about how much they were motivated by Kobe’s work ethic and competitive drive, so I can’t help but wonder what that would feel like,” said Lakers power forward Brandon Bass, adding that he has trouble even imagining Bryant as someone who he looks up to and tries to replicate. “I mean, Kobe is clearly helping people push themselves to be better and strive to achieve great things—it’s just kind of hard to wrap my head around that one.” Many Lakers players noted, however, that they ...

HAMPTON, VA—Explaining that the team’s regular-season dominance made him unlikely to question any accomplishment attributed to them, local 29-year-old Jared Dwyer told reporters Thursday that he is ready to believe absolutely any statistic about how good the Golden State Warriors were this year. “At this point, you could tell me that the Warriors shot over 70 percent from three as a team, or that they outscored opponents in the second half by an average of 40 points, and I’d just take it at face value,” said Dwyer, who added that he would not question any unprecedented or otherwise seemingly impossible offensive statistics about the Warriors that he sees on an ESPN graphic or reads on a random Twitter account. “I honestly wouldn’t bat an eye at a stat that said Steph Curry hasn’t missed a three from inside 25 feet since November, or that Draymond ...

New York police could soon be equipped with “Textalyzers,” devices that scan drivers’ phones to detect whether they were texting, and thus driving with distraction, in the moments leading up to an auto accident. What do you think?

CHICAGO—Brazenly strolling through the rows of desks while pointing out the firm’s various departments to his two guests, Lodestone Media intern Nate Kapper, 19, made the incredibly bold move of giving his parents a tour of the company’s offices Wednesday, sources reported. “He brought his family through in the middle of the afternoon, and, right in front of everyone, he said, ‘This is the desk where I work,’” communications manager Laura Dao said of the cavalier 15-hour-a-week employee who started two months ago and is sent home early most days due to a lack of tasks to complete. “And then, once he’d walked his parents around the entire floor, he went up to [senior director] Mary [Fullman] and introduced his parents to her directly. I think he even called her ‘a good boss.’” Sources later confirmed seeing the teenager who earns a $350 monthly stipend taking ...

IRVING, TX—Saying the multinational oil and gas conglomerate had “really dodged a bullet,” ExxonMobil CEO Rex Tillerson told reporters Wednesday how relieved he was now that it was finally too late to do anything about climate change.

The 64-year-old petroleum executive, who acknowledged that throughout his career he had feared the public might take action to curb rising temperatures by imposing emissions restrictions or mandating a switch to alternative energy, said he was just happy that the window for avoiding the planet’s environmental destruction had closed, and that the entire industry was now free to carry on as usual.

“I was really worried for a while there that some kind of law would be passed to stop us from releasing all those hydrocarbons into the atmosphere, but I guess not,” said Tillerson, describing how he felt as if a tremendous weight had been lifted from his shoulders now ...

Apple today announced CareKit, a new software framework designed to help developers enable people to actively manage their own medical conditions. iPhone apps using CareKit make it easier for individuals to keep track of care plans and monitor symptoms and medication, providing insights that help people better understand their own health. “We believe that giving individuals the tools to understand what is happening with their health is incredibly powerful, and apps designed using CareKit make this a reality by empowering people to take a more active role in their care,” said Jeff Williams, Apple’s chief operating officer.

Apple today announced advancements to the open source ResearchKit framework that bring genetic data and a series of medical tests typically conducted in an exam room to iPhone apps. Medical researchers are adopting these new features to design targeted studies for diseases and conditions that affect billions of people and to gather more specific types of data from participants. “The response to ResearchKit has been fantastic. Virtually overnight, many ResearchKit studies became the largest in history and researchers are gaining insights and making discoveries that weren’t possible before,” said Jeff Williams, Apple’s chief operating officer.