When do you need a new daily routine?

If you feel your family doesn’t spend enough time having fun together, a new routine might help. You could introduce family days, game nights, reading a book together or doing regular exercise.

Routines for demanding and stressful times in the day can help. If you have too much to do and not enough time – like when you’re getting the family ready for school and work, or preparing the family meal – a routine can really save the day.

You might think about a new daily routine when something is regularly causing conflict in the family. Routines can be particularly good at stopping fights between children.

If you find yourself constantly having to ask or nag children, this might be a sign that you need a new daily routine. Routines are particularly useful when you’re trying to help family members develop new habits, like good hygiene. Routines can also help with completing chores, practising an instrument or doing homework. It might mean setting some new rules, such as no TV at breakfast time.

As your children grow and develop, you might want to revise your routines to take into account all the new things they can do. Routines should help your children become more independent.

If there are times you can pretty much guarantee your child will misbehave, a routine can help you plan ahead and take some of the stress out of challenging or tricky situations like going shopping, driving in the car or visiting.

Routines can have a downside, especially if children’s lives are so regimented that they don’t get to make choices, do their own thing, play, have fun and just relax. And everyone enjoys an occasional change of routine to break monotony.

What makes a good daily routine?

There are no easy routine recipes that will suit every family. Each routine needs to be based on your child and your situation. But effective routines share three key features. They are:

well planned – in a good routine, everyone understands their role, knows what they need to do and sees it as reasonable and fair

regular – good routines become part of everyday family life

predictable – in a good routine, things happen in the same order each time.

Thinking about a new routine

Bedding down a new routine can be a little tricky. This is because you’ll have to make some changes to the way your family does things. Your new routine will run more smoothly if you consider the following:

Routines need to meet the everyday demands of juggling activities for different members of the family, but they also need to meet more long-term goals. For example, if having regular quality family time is an important long-term goal in your family, try to have routines that allow room for this.

How will new routines adapt to changes? Routines need to reviewed from time to time and new ones set. For example, as children grow they can be more independent and take on more responsibility. Sometimes there are big changes, such as moving house, or a new baby.

Can you make things easier by doing things ahead of time (such as packing school bags the night before school)?

Is everyone pulling their weight? Could other family members do more to share the burden and help things run smoothly? If so, work out their role and what they need to do as part of the new routine.

How can you build on family members’ strengths? What are your family members good at, or what jobs would they prefer? Think about how you could work these abilities and preferences into the routine. For example, if one child is better at getting up early, he could have the first turn in the bathroom.

Can you build fun or play into daily tasks that you do with your children?

Can you make a new routine part of an old one? For example, you might get your child to take a new medicine just before she brushes her teeth.

How can you make the routine work without nagging? Telling children what to do isn’t the only way for you to remind them about routines. Instead, you could use the end of a TV show to signal the beginning of a bedtime routine, or you could give older children their own alarm clock to get them up and going in the morning. Simple lists, or even post-it notes, displayed in a prominent place can be good reminders. Young children might like to make a picture story book showing the family routine.

Are there enough resources (financial, time, supports, even health insurance) to support the planned routines?

Designing a new routine

If your children are old enough, get them to help you plan the routine. By the time they’re about five, talking about routines can really help children organise themselves.

Work out the goal of the routine. Picture the end result. For example: children are ready for school by 8.30 am – dressed, shoes on, had breakfast, teeth and hair brushed, school bag packed with everything they need for the day.

List the individual steps in the order they need to be done.

Work out what part of the routine your children can do for themselves, and where you will need to help. Think about what step you might be able to teach your child next to help him move towards independence in the routine. Make sure everyone is clear about their specific role in the routine.

Work out the timing of the routine. How much time does each step take? What time will you need to start to get everything done and allow time for the unexpected?

Think about ways of setting up the routine for success. Can you get rid of any distractions – for example, by turning off the TV during the morning routine?

Consider any new family rules that you might have to make. If you make some simple, clear rules about the kind of behaviour you expect, it will help your children know what to do. From a young age, children can be involved in helping to set rules and working out the consequences for breaking them.

Try to build time into a routine, such as dinner time, to talk or have fun.

Before you start, talk everyone through the steps of the routine. Be prepared to do this more than once until it is clear for the whole family.

Here is an example of a morning routine for one family.

Name of routine: Getting ready for school in the morning

Time

Step

Who is responsible

7 pm
(night before school day)

Read school notices

Mum

Pack school bag

Sarah

Prepare school lunch

Dad

Check Sarah has books for library day on Wednesday

Mum and Sarah

Check Sarah has everything she needs for sports on Friday

Mum and Sarah

Set out clothes for tomorrow
Check alarm

Mum

6.30 am
(school day)

Mum and Dad’s alarm goes

Mum

Mum and Dad get dressed

Mum and Dad

7 am

Sarah’s alarm goes

Sarah

Sarah gets up

Sarah

Have breakfast

Family

Get dressed

Sarah

7.25 am

Brush teeth and hair

Sarah
(with Mum’s help)

7.30 am

Quiet reading or play

Sarah

Mum and Dad get ready for work

Mum and Dad

7.45 am

In the car
(Mon and Thu: Dad)
(Tue, Wed and Fri: Mum)

Mum or Dad

8 am

Arrive at before-school care, hang bag up and settle in

Sarah and
Mum or Dad

8.55 am

Go to school

Sarah

Give your new routine time to work. It takes time to overcome old habits and learn new ways of behaving – persistence is the key to success. Inevitably, you’ll find ways of improving things as you go. Family members will also need time to adjust.

Look out for signs of effort, early cooperation and successes. Celebrate by giving lots of praise or even special rewards until the routine becomes part of what your children regularly do.