So, grab your coffee/beverage of your choice and meet me for a chat. I’ve got a warm water with lemon, cayenne pepper and cinnamon.

If we were having coffee….I’d tell you that I’m almost done with Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel which I’m really impressed with. I also just started Wildlife by Fiona Wood but I’m like two pages into it so I can’t say much. I’d ask you what you were reading.

If we were having coffee... I’d tell you that I haven’t been doing well lately. And that it’s a hard thing to admit. (because it’s embarrassing. Because I feel over-dramatic. Because I can’t tell you exactly why). When someone asks you how you are it’s easy to be like FINE and move on. But I’m not fine. Why should I pretend? Because of things and how I’ve been doing, I’ve been so disconnected from people and social media and this blog. I’d apologize for unanswered tweets, comments, etc. It’s just so difficult for me to interact when I feel so awful. I’d wonder if you’ve noticed my disconnect and flakiness lately because I feel really self conscious about it. That’s part of the reason I decided to write up one of these posts (it’s been a while) because I want to connect again. I’d ask how you are doing and really WANT to know just beyond the typical response.

If we were having coffee.… I’d tell you how I’m FREAKING OUT over the fact that this month I will turn 29. It will officially be the last year of my 20’s and I don’t know what to do with it. I WANT TO STAY HERE. My face doesn’t match the age so aren’t I allowed to stay in my 20’s until it catches up?? I’d also tell you how most of the time I don’t ever feel like an adult. Like am I REALLY an adult? I don’t know. I do adult-y type things I guess but mostly I feel like the kid putting the grownup high heels and mom’s makeup stash all over my face. HOW DID ALL THESE YEARS JUST HAPPEN? HOW AM I ALMOST 29?? I kind of feel sick over it truthfully. How fast life truly does go. Days turn into weeks into months and suddenly you are older. In a flash. I’d ask if you ever feel this way.

If we were having coffee…. I‘d tell you how discouraged I’ve been feeling with my blog lately. It’s so unlike me to care or notice but traffic and general interaction has been down (says the girl who has been a shit blog reader). I never put my blog happiness and well-being into these things so why am I RIGHT THIS MOMENT? I think maybe it has to do with where I’m at right now so I’m just feeling really discouraged about LOTS of things. But also I get this nagging feeling that it’s me. That what I’m doing isn’t good enough. You all are bored of me. I don’t have anything to say anymore. I should quit. My inner monologue has been horrible. I have been focused too much on creation and consumption that I’m losing the beauty in it all. I’d ask, if you were a blogger, if you feel this way ever?

If we were having coffee…. I’d tell you how I’m not looking forward to the cold weather and winter but this year I’m trying REALLY hard to make the most of it. Find new activities. Really embrace the things I DO love in this season. I’d ask you what your favorite cold weather activities are/what you do when the winter chases you inside? If you lived in perpetual beautiful weather I’d give you the stink eye and ask you to house me for the winter months.

If we were having coffee… I’d tell you how a conversation with my dad was what I needed to reframe my whole job/career situation outlook. I’m going to be pursuing some new ideas with the job search and be more thankful for the flexibility nannying gives me. (I MEAN ALL SUMMER I GOT TO BE OUTSIDE). I’d ask who your go-to person is who always helps you reframe a problem.

If we were having coffee….I’d tell you that we should go out for Thai food because I’m really craving it. LIKE REALLY REALLY BADLY.

If we were having coffee….I’d tell you that I am often frustrated because I don’t have anything that I’m really good at. I wish I was artistic or could sing or like running. I always thought I’d find my THING at this point in my life but ALAS no talents here except expert procrastination and eating ice cream like nobody’s business. I’d ask you about what you are talented at.

If we were having coffee…I’d tell you how I was reading a post from a blogger (not a book blogger) who experienced a devastating apartment fire and I’ve been thinking a lot about THINGS. How much value we place in them. How they can be gone in an instant. I started thinking about what things I would be sad about losing in a fire. (Answer: pretty much everything haha). My time of being unemployed and us being really scarily tight with money taught me a lot about what I buy and what I use and I’ve become a lot more of a minimalist in ways and have tried not to get attached to THINGS. It’s hard. I’d ask you what would be the one thing you’d miss the most if this happened to you.

If we were having coffee…what would you tell me? Come on…lay it all out! It’s just you, me, the pleasant sounds of a cafe…and maybe some other eyes in the comment section but NBD right?? Our we can have coffee in my inbox if you don’t feel comfortable. I really want to know! What’s going on with you?

Jamie is a 30 year old married lady who is in denial that she's actually that old. When she's not reading you can find her doing Pilates followed by eating ice cream, listening to music with oversized headphones and having adventures with her husband and dog.

Comments

Oh wow. I love these Coffee posts, but this one is loaded! I feel like I’ve gone through a lot of the same feelings mentioned and I could talk your ear off about them.

I’m currently reading The Vanishing Season to kick off my horror/supernatural reads for the month. Picked it to start simply bc it’s so short. Priorities. Ha.

I went through a phase this year of NOT being fine, and being on the verge of a meltdown every time someone would ask me how I was doing and I just wanted to scream how not ok I was. It’s pretty much TMI to say here some of the details, but it’s been so much better lately, and I hope it gets better for you soon, too.

I am not bored of your blog, and I hope you don’t quit! That would be all the sads. 🙁

I am also talented at eating ice cream like nobodies business, lol! I have a defective creative gene. I WANT to be so crafty and creative but the motivation doesn’t strike me too often. I used to draw in high school and I’ve tried to get back into it for years but just get too overwhelmed to stick with anything. This year, I gave myself a new project and have made myself stick to it and the regular practice has really loosened up my creativity.

Not to stomp on the seriousness of a fire, but maybe this story will make you smile – This morning our heat kicked on for the first time and you know how the first time you turn it on it can be dusty and smell like burning for a little while? Well it kicked on in the early hours of the morning while we were still sleeping. I am wakened by the smoke detectors going off, and then I smell that burning smell and I truly thought our house was on fire so I bolted out of bed and ran down the hall screaming. I didn’t even try to wake up my husband, lol. The only thought going through my head was that I probably should have grabbed some pants! My husband woke up from my screaming, but he had the wits about him to realize it was just the heater and he came running after me cracking up. Yeah, so, fun arrival of fall around here…

lol I read through it after I started writing it and was like WOW this is a lot and I was tempted to delete some of it to put in some less heavy things but I was like WELL THIS IS WHERE I AM AT lol Also, I so wish we really could sit down and chat! (I promise it wouldn’t be this loaded haha)

How is The Vanishing Season?? I loved Tiger LIly but haven’t gotten to this yet!

That’s how I was feeling quite a bit. I would just start melting down and Will was like uhhhh?

I don’t think I’ll quit — that inner monologue of mine is just nasty sometimes putting those kinds of thoughts in my head!
YES I have these aspirations of being crafty and stuff but NOPE. It’s always a disaster! One of my plans to help myself not hate the winter is to pick up some new projects/hobby that I normally wouldn’t want to sit in the house and do when it is nice out!

And omg I’m not going to lie…I laughed a little bit. HOW SCARY THOUGH!!! And I sleep in barely anything in the summer (we don’t really run our air too often plus I always sleep with a blanket) but one of my biggest “fears” is that there will be an emergency in the middle of the night and I will be half naked hahah.

No worries, chatting needs to be loaded sometime. Sometimes we just need to feel understood in this huge human experience. I’m def here if you ever need/want to talk (about anything). 🙂

The Vanishing Season was beautifully haunting! I haven’t read anything else by Jodi Lynn Anderson, but now I want to! I know Margot and Aubry always hype Tiger Lily so I’ve had it on my radar for a while, but haven’t really decided to read it yet, but now I think I need to for sure!

THIS. “sometimes we need to be understood in this huge human experience.” This exactly. I love Will. OBVIOUSLY. But he doesn’t feeeel a lot of the things I feel or process things the way I do and doesn’t think too deeply about things. He’s able to brush so many things off and is so happy go lucky. which is GOOD for us as a couple but sometimes it’s hard for me because he doesn’t ALWAYS get where I’m coming from. I’ve found the book community is full of people who DO so it’s so helpful to me.

I love, love, love the idea of this post! I always love personal posts and getting to know the person behind the blog. 🙂 I’m a shy person in real life, and that sometimes carries over into my blogging. I still hesitate when tweeting someone or leaving a comment on their blog (especially if it’s fairly personal, like this one). But this wonderful community has opened me up and it no longer totally scares me to get personal on the blog and in comments with people I’ve never met in real life.

So if we were having coffee (though I’d get a hot chocolate, because I’m not a coffee drinker), I’d tell you that I’m excited but SO nervous about graduating college in the spring. The uncertain future is scary and worries me, but I think I’m ready for a new chapter in my life. There is so much to do yet and I’m kind of nervous. But I want to make the most of my last year of college.

I’d tell you that fall is my favorite season, and I love the colder weather. I’d also tell you that I’ve been in stuck in writer’s block for far too long. I don’t know where to take my WIP and it’s hard to want to sit down, let go of all distractions, and just… write.

I’d tell you that I’m sorry you’re feeling discouraged and that I hope everything gets better for you. *hugs* And that I know what it’s like wanting to disconnect with the world when you’re in that mindset. I’d tell you that sometimes breaks are good and relaxing, that stepping away for a bit can put things into perspective (not that it would be what you need, but I personally find that when I’m in a rut and feeling discouraged, especially with blogging, a break helps). I’m even thinking about taking a break from my blog this month, putting aside ARCs for all those books I’ve been neglecting, and just stop pressuring myself into doing MORE with it (like it’s not good enough as it is). I think we’ve all felt this way a time or two. But we are all so unique, our blogs and voices so different from one another. And I love that!

It’s always so hard at first to feel comfortable getting personal online…I had a hard time at first! But now at 4.5 years into this thing…cleaaaarly I don’t 😛

Enjoy these last moments of college!! I can’t tell you how often I wish I were back in college!! Though I remember at the time I was pretty anxious to be done college. It’s an exciting time though stressful getting shoved out int he real world. My advice: work towards your career but also let yourself have a lot of fun!! You don’t have to have it all together right now!

I hope you get unstuck with your WIP!! I hate that feeling. SOmetimes it happens for me with writing for the blog. I typically just try to stay away from it and then suddenly I’ll get hit with inspiration!

Sigh. Yeah. Everything feels like such an effort when I’m feeling blah. And plus I feel like such a miserable person that I don’t want to subject people to that? haha. I’ve been trying to focus on self care first while I’m feeling this way and then do blogging. And sometimes self care does come in the form of me writing a post I really want to write. But other times it means I take the whole weekend and don’t even open up my laptop. “stop pressuring myself to do MORE with it” — > yes! I feel like our blogs ARE enough. They are a reflection of our life really and sometimes we throw more attention to it than other times and that’s okay.

And I SO don’t mind. I really like getting to know my readers and I enjoyed chatting with you! Good luck with your last semester!! HAVE SO MUCH FUN!!

I’m a little bit alarmed to hear you say you’re feeling discouraged about your blog. I think I’ve only commented once or twice here, but this has compelled me to say something: I only discovered your blog a few months ago and it instantly became a favourite and one of my automatic daily visits. I may not comment but I read every one of your posts. I love your voice and how much of yourself you put out there. I would be extremely sad if you ever stopped.

I very much relate to what you say about not having a thing. I’m living abroad at the moment and it seems like I’m surrounded by people who are doing so for artistic reasons – everybody is a musician or a photographer or an artist and I’m nothing. Like you, I also thought a talent would have emerged by now. I’ve always been interested in ALL THE THINGS and have never been able to narrow it down to just one and you need to in order to focus and train hard at that one thing. I think that’s why I like reading so much; each book allows you to experience a different thing and you don’t have to limit yourself – you get to live the life of a ballerina or a film-maker or an au pair or anything you want.

<33 Thank you so much for those kind words! That inner critic is HARD sometimes. I still love doing this so I won't quit until I feel like it no longer fits me but sometimes it's easy to let my guard down and let all these thigns that don't matter get in my head when it comes to the blog. Also, probably easier since I've been feeling so awful about a lot of other things. But I really, really appreciate you commenting and saying this.

YES I have this issue too. I really am interested in too much and want to try to do so much but it's so hard to do that. AND YESSSSS re: reading. That's why I'm a really eclectic reader and will read anything bc I'm always experiencing new things. Maybe we aren't meant to be experts in something....rather we are dabblists? haha

Thank you for commenting! <3 And where are you abroad? I always wished I had lived abroad in my 20's!

I really love the idea of a virtual chat over coffee or, in my case tea. Right now I’m in between books. I finished Anna and the French Kiss last night and I’ll be starting Lola and the Boy Next Door today. With St Clair I’ve fallen for yet another fictional character :).

Overall I’m very well, but I just started a semester study abroad, so I’m away from everybody I know. But people are really friendly and I already found a great bookshop and the library is close as well. Right know I’m exited about my classes and discovering more of the city and making new friends.

I was surprised by how quickly time goes by, when I realized I’m already in my third year of university and my friends siblings are graduating highschool. Everybody says time goes by quicker the older you get, so I’m a bit aprehensive of how much it will speed up. It already seems quite fast.

I’m not looking forward to winter either. The only good about the season, in my opinion, is Christmas and curling up with a blanket, tea and a great book. And definitely staying indoors and as warm as possible. I would move to a warmer climate, but I do want snow at Christmas. But really just Christmas, which never works out. Last year we had very warm Christmas and heavy snow in April!

I’m not sure I’ve ever had Thai food, and now I absolutely want to try it out.

I don’t really have a talent either. I’m not athletic or musical. I have gotten compliments on my photography though.

I think what I would miss most are my photo albums. I’m oldfashioned in the way that I print my photos out and put them in albums together with maps, tickets or other keepsakes.

In general I want to tell you how much I love your blog. I have discovered many new favourites based on your recomendations and my TBR list is longer than ever. Nevertheless, if you feel like taking a break from bolgging to regroup, I would absolutely understand and wait until you’d be comming back.

I’ve gotta say…I’m so jealous of you studying abroad! I hate having regrets but I will say one of them is not studying abroad in college! It must be so hard to be away from everyone and being in a new place but how brave is that?! I’m glad you have met some great people! That always helps. Where are you studying abroad if you don’t mind me asking?

Yes you must try Thai food! I love Thai curry (massaman is my fave) a lot but I also really love their drunken noodles and also pad thai.

Yesss I had this conversation with Will after I read the blog post and I was saying how devastated I would be over some pictures from my childhood being lost.

Thank you for the kind words and for chatting with me! <3 I hope you have many adventures abroad!!

I’m from Germany and I study German literature and cultural studies at Durham University in the UK right now. They have a College System that is basically like the houses in Harry Potter and they organize a lot of formals and dinners and extracurricular activities for students. So it’s really easy to develop a bond with the university and your college.

Thankfully I haven’t been homesick yet! There is just so much to do and I think it helps that I already lived away from home during the week when I was studying in Germany. So I’m used to not being with my family constantly.

I’ll look for a Thai place now. There are a lot of different restaurants here, so I should find one close by.

It sounds like a great experience! And that’s good…I never really suffer from homesickness either because I grew up with divorced parents and would be away from my dad a lot and then in the summer I was with him and didn’t see my mom at all. I got used to it and college was easy for me in that way while so many of my classmates had a hard time!

I like these coffee posts, I’m happy you’re bringing them back. It makes me sad to see you aren’t feeling well though. There is nothing embarrassing about admitting you aren’t okay. I would tell you that I’m also freaking out over the fact that time flies by so fast. I still don’t feel like I’m 23, I feel like.. 18 and it’s terrifying. I’m an adult, but sometimes I look at my life and how little I’ve done so far and it makes me sad.. I’m not completely in the place where I want to be (with a job and my own place + the ability to travel). I know I’m getting there, but it’s taking me longer than I wish it would. So you are not alone with your fear of getting older and the fact you don’t feel like your age. It’s a horrible feeling sometimes.

I think you are right. Your blog is just another thing that adds to the pile of things. I’m not bored by you. I still see you as a huge inspiration, because of all the blog posts you write. I would be sad if you would leave the blogosphere. You are kind of the ‘big’ blogger to me.

I had been wanting to bring them back but for a while I didn’t feel like I even wanted to talk about my headspace. 🙁 But I’m really glad I did this.

YES it’s so scary. I don’t feel at ALL like I’m ready to turn 29. Like what didn’t I just graduate high school? OKAY COLLEGE MAYBE? My 10 year high school reunion is happening in Nov and I’m like HAHHAHA I CAN’T EVEN DEAL. And I feel the same way…I feel like I’m almost 30 and I’ve accomplished nothing. I’m not content with where I’m at all.

I doubt I will quit over my inner critic but sometimes it just gets so loud that I can’t hear anything else but that. I don’t want to quit until the day I know I’m not enjoying it anymore or I feel like I’ve moved on.

Love you lady! And I also want to say I always so appreciate your comments. They are always so thoughtful and lovely and I get excited when I get an email that I see it’s from you! 🙂

I truly believe the seasons have an effect on moods and behaviors. Winter is that time of the year for reading and blogging slumps and now that the weather’s changing, I honestly don’t really feel like putting much effort into posting some days. Winter in general sucks – my biggest winter fear is driving in the snow. I know I should be used to it by now, but to get to work I have to go up/down two EXTREMELY big hills and even thinking about it terrifies me. I’m no looking forward to this winter at all.

I’m thrilled you liked Station Eleven so much!! It’s one I definitely want to read and I know Hannah loved it so I’m absolutely positive I will too. haha, for once I’ve been on top on my review copies. A few nights ago I finished my first 2015! Granted, it was a MG novel, but still. PROGRESS.

I completely and totally know how you feel when it comes to Adulthood. There are people I see who are barely out of their teens that seem to have it all together, they don’t look like they’re playing dress-up, etc. Sure, when I’m 50 I’ll be glad I look so young, but it would be nice to put on lipstick without feeling weird.

DON’T YOU DARE TEMPT ME WITH THAI, JAMIE. Although a friend recently rekindled my love for crockpots and OH MY GOD I’ve been making stews and soups and roasts. It’s heavenly!

I feel like my mood definitely affects my blogging in the winter BUT I find myself with no motivation more in the summer because it’s so damn nice out and I want to soak it all in and be anywhere but in front of my computer haha. OMG I HATE DRIVING IN THE SNOW. It is the scariest thing ever. And apparently this winter is supposed to be even worse than last year and that makes me scared. I got stuck in my car for 4 hours in a snowstorm last year. WORST EVER.

OMG I NEEED YOU TO READ STATION ELEVEN SO WE CAN CHAT!!

YES okay me too. I see so many people younger than me and I’m like HOW EVEN ARE YOU LIKE A REAL ADULT? Esp here in the book community..I see authors who are 5 years younger than me or my same age being like fancy real adults and I’m like TEHEHEHHE I’M PRETENDING AT THIS. AND YESSSSS I was just telling someone this the other day. I hate being told that “when I’m older” I’ll love it. OKAY BUT WHAT ABOUT NOW WHEN PEOPLE THINK I AM IN HIGH SCHOOL??

Mmmm Fall and Winter IS glorious for all those crockpot meals and hearty meals like that. Will just made a pumpkin curry tonight and it was AMAAAAAZING.

Love you lady <33 Thanks for always being so supportive. Have loved getting to know you!

I always love reading this posts because it’s always nice to see a glimpse of the person behind the blog. I’m sorry you’re feeling so discouraged lately, I think it happens to all of us. I’ve also been feeling kind of down lately, although for different reasons than you. Like, I’m applying to university next month and the process has kind of made me realize that I don’t have a THING either. Nothing that I’m particularly good at or completely invested in (other than, like, 500 TV shows). And I know I have a lot of time to figure things out but it’s just strange, when I used to be so involved in so many things, and now it feels like I don’t really do anything any more. I think it’s really easy to compare ourselves to others, but I heard some good advice lately that reminded me that we’re all different humans and it’s useless to compare yourself to others because it’s impossible for you to be just like them. When you feel sad or discouraged or just not okay, find something that makes you feel happy, even if it’s something as small as baking cupcakes or going for a walk, and do that thing, just to remind yourself of the good stuff. Everyone has good days and bad days, and it’s okay to have bad days. It’s okay not to be fine. I’m not fine, which is hard to admit, and I think you’re really brave for saying so.

As a side note, I absolutely adore your blog. All of your posts are so genuine and I love reading them 🙂

Also, sorry if this sounded like some sappy inspirational message. It’s definitely getting there, so I’m gonna leave it at that haha.

Yes I enjoyed personal posts too for that reason! I think sometimes blogging can make us forget that there are people behind the blogs with lives that are far beyond the reviews and posts written.

Hahah seriously..could there be a job or degree in which we can just be really good at marathoning shows?? I remember that same worry when I was applying for college. You feel like you have to have your THING figured out and it’s just like…so impossible to do unless you are one of THOSE people who has always known they want to be a doctor or a teacher or something. BUT the beauty of your college years ist hat you become SO much yourself and you find out things about yourself you wouldn’t have realized. I picked a business degree when I went into college. My reasons? My mom was in the business world, was successful and she made lots of money. I had no other reason. And then all these years later I’m such a different person who is finding that really the business world might not align with what I’m really passionate about. SO…try to find your things but let yourself dabble a bit in college. Don’t be so worried about being 100% on what you want at least for the first yea and if you do hate your major and figure out what you want…pursue it. You will grow and change and unfortunately it sucks that at 18 we are supposed to decide what we want to do for the rest of our lives because sometimes we find out 18 year old us and adult us have different priorities and desires. GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!

And yes I so agree…it’s so hard not to get caught in the comparison game but we ARE all different people with our own paths and our own timing. And I like that advice….inserting something into your day (no matter how small) that makes you happy…just to keep yourself anchored there.

Thank you for the kind words! <33 I really enjoyed getting to know you a bit!

If we were having coffee I’d tell you that I love all of your blog posts and your YouTube videos and sometimes I have to restrain myself from commenting on everything you write because I don’t want to seem like some over zealous creepy fan girl. If we were having coffee I’d tell you that I hope you feel better soon.

<33 Thank you love! I appreciate that. And omg I would never think of you as a creepy fangirl...my readers are my friends! My people! I always do appreciate your comments when you do...so thank you always for taking the time to chat with me on here!

Hi, Jamie! This is a wonderful, brave post. I’m really glad that you wrote it – I love reading about personal stuff! If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I hope that this feelings of inadequacy you’re feeling are just a phase! And as for not having something you’re good at – have you forgotten about your blog? 🙂 It’s one of the best book blogs I’ve come across and you should be proud of yourself for creating such an amazing community.

As for losing readers, pageviews and comments… I’ve been blogging for 4 months now and posting 3 posts per week on the average and I still barely scrape 20 pageviews a day and if a post gets more than 3 comments, I’m extatic. I remind myself daily that I actually write the blog to get the thoughts out of my head (so, I write it for me, first and foremost) and that interacting with the lovely readers is just the cherry on top. It helps a bit 🙂

You’re doing a great job, but everyone has slumps when they need to reevaluate and rethink what they’re doing in life – be glad you came across such a time at the EARLY age of 29 and not 49 😉 And I think age doesn’t matter as long as you stay young on the inside (does that make sense at all?).

Thank you, Kaja! <3 Your words are so kind and my heart happy! You are right. I should be proud of what I've done here. I am proud. I know it deep down. I set out a place where I could connect with other readers and I've done that. I think you have the right idea with the blogging mindset. It's easy to let all the other stuff distract us and get us down but as long as we keep our vision for our blog simple and true to what we set out to do...we can always find our way out of it (I need this pep talk for me too haha). When it all gets crazy...just gotta strip it down to the barest thing for me. Am I connecting with other readers? BOOM. Mission accomplished. Everything else is just a distraction (comments, views, etc)

And yes...I feel young so I shouldn't freak out too much. 😛

Thank you for your comment! <33

I'm sure it is just a phase. I also have this theory (maybe it's proven out there somewhere) that when I'm feeling like crap...it just open the floodgates for me to feel like crap about EVERYTHING else. haha.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you all about my experiences being bullied at such a young age and how books have empowered me to become a better person. I’d also share with you my interests with cartoon shows, movies and TV series and maybe we can squeal over a few of them! 🙂

Also, if we were having coffee, I’d ask you to take a vacation to our country, just because I think it’s fun!!! 🙂

It’s Jenivieve, Jamie! 🙂 The Philippines! CMON!! We gots fantastic beaches and all that jazz!!! Lots and lots of mangoes! HAHAHAHA!

Yeah, I dunno, I still have traumas of being bullied, but I try as much to be positive about it and that it shaped me to becoming a person who is made aware that these things happen… Good thing I didn’t end up in any way like Hannah Baker.. 🙂

As of now, I am into America’s Next Top Model, which seems like a guilty pleasure really, Teen Wolf, The Big Bang Theory and currently, Gotham!!! <3

I’m so happy today was a today I chose to hop on twitter otherwise I think I would’ve missed this post!

I’m so, so sorry things aren’t going the greatest for you lately. If we were having coffee, I’d tell you I miss you SO much. Between my insane schedule and yours, I feel like we’re never around at the same time :/. I still consider you an older sister role model in my life, and I admire you so much for being able to be so open and honest about your feelings, good or bad. I would tell you that even though it is totally cheesy and cliche, I 100% believe that things will get better for you and I would encourage you to try to stay as positive as possible, even if that means celebrating the fact that you got through another day. Even a little bit of optimism/positivity can make life a bit more bearable. I would also share some of my insecurities with you. Like how I feel like I don’t fit in with the blogging community anymore now that I don’t blog/read YA. And it makes me really sad because you guys are some of my most supportive friends. I feel irrelevant and like I just don’t matter anymore, which is a difficult feeling to reconcile with. It’s also why I’ve been so MIA on twitter.

And if it counts, your blog is one of the few I still make time to visit regularly, even though I can’t/don’t have time to read YA, just because I love you and your posts. <3

I MISS YOU TOOOO LADY. I noticed you had been a little MIA lately but I also wondered if maybe we just missed each other bc IIII have also been MIA.

And amen…that’s pretty much what I have to do. Celebrate a new day. That I’m alive. And that I made it through.
*hugs* I’ve always thought about how if I DID quit it would be so weird to be online. You matter! Sometimes in blogging I think we are so singularly focused on just BLOGGING and we SEE the people we see and it’s easy to forget about the ones we aren’t “seeing.” I always try to be conscious of keeping in touch with those who don’t really blog who I have made a real friendship with (like you!) but I’ve been doing a shit job of that. 🙁 You are VERY relevant to me! But I can understand. To try to still keep your place in a community where your role has switched. It’s tough. I know it’s been tough for others of my friends who have done it.

Jaime, I’ve always considered you a role model in the blogging community and I always love how open and honest you are. I’ve just turned older too, and it’s strange how time flies. I like to reflect on the things I’ve learned and goals I have for the new year around my birthday so that I can remember to be thankful/grateful and work towards things for the new year. I find that it keeps things in perspective.

Regarding blogging, I think it happens to everyone. NY Times just did a piece (“When Blogging Becomes a Slog, 9/24 [http://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/25/garden/when-blogging-becomes-a-slog.html])) on blogging slumps and while it paints a rather negative view, I do think some parts ring true. Design*Sponge did a response piece to it (“Blogger Burnout: ‘Finding An Answer to the Problem'” http://www.designsponge.com/2014/09/bloggerburnout.html) and I think it puts it nicely. A lot of the pressure we get from blogging is from ourselves but the struggles that you feel, are definitely universal and that you are not alone. I love your enthusiasm and I always stop by to read more.

On a lighter note, I do love how it’s sweater weather! <3 <3 New excuses to wear sweaters and scarves. I also love baking in the winter since it makes the whole house warmer and filled with delicious smells.

Also craving Thai, too! I just had Malaysian yesterday and it was so good.

It really is crazy how time flies. Somehow I blinked and the summer was over?!? (although it didn’t feel like it until today..BRRRR). I like that idea of reflecting on the things you’ve learned and goals you have for the next year. I always take the new year to do that but WHY NOT MY BIRTHDAY TOO. I may have to journal that. I was just telling Will that I wanted to, in honor of my LAST year of being in my 20’s, make a bucket list of all the things I want to do before 30. Esp crazy things that I might not want to do in my 30’s.

Thanks for sharing those links!! Just glanced at them but they are in a tab for me to read now!!

UGH and omg Will just made pumpkin spice chocolate chip cookie and our kitchen was GLORIOUS. And I’ve never had Malaysian food!! I do want to try it. What’s your fave dish?

I’m currently reading a few books, most of which aren’t grabbing my attention. Lailah by Nikki Kelly is the one I’m farthest through and I’m not sure it’ll be more than a 3 star read. I’m also reading Shatter Me by Tahereh Mafi which is good, but just isn’t doing it for me. I’m also reading The Hobbit and Saga, Vol. 2, the former of which is not as interesting as the latter.

I’m so sorry you’re not feeling so great lately. 🙁 It’s one of the worst things in the world, feeling down on yourself. There’s really nothing anyone else can do to make you feel better. I suppose I’d tell you that I’ve been doing all right lately, but not great. I’m finishing my senior year of high school and because of that I’m just…done. I’m over the high school scene, I’m over the immaturity, I’m over the lack of motivation in EVERYONE. I’d like to experience college and the rest of the world, not this town I’ve lived in for far too long. I suppose I just have a bout of wanderlust. Also, work and blogging has made me less tolerant of the people I go to school with; they’re just nothing like me!

I definitely feel this way! In less than 6 months I’ll be 18, and then it’s the Real World. As excited for it as I am, I’m also REALLY scared. There’s so much I don’t know! Will I do well in college? Will I be drowning it debt? Will I even go to the college I want to go to? Will I even get IN? Will I be successful in my career? Will I ever actually publish a book, which is a huge dream of mine? There’s just a lot that’s scaring me about leaving high school and the ease that is living with my parents. The Real World is scary!!!

Haha I always feel down about my blog. I had a summer-long hiatus due to a lack of motivation and I’m really down on myself for it. There was no reason for it, I was just lazy. So I definitely understand!

I live in Las Vegas and our summers are MISERABLE, so I always look forward to the colder weather. I wish I lived in Maryland again where we would get crazy winters with tons of snow. Want to switch houses for the winter??? LOL

I think one of my only talents is writing, and even then I don’t always think I’m that great at it. I can also play piano. Sometimes I can draw. Only one of these three things is a career I would be willing to pursue, lol. You’ll find something you’re great at! I think a LOT of people don’t know until much later in life, and those who find out early are very lucky.

I’m not really sure what I would miss most if a fire happened in my house. My dogs definitely, if I couldn’t save them. I think I would mourn the loss of my books because all of them are precious to me, and many of them are signed to me and carry memories of meeting my favorite authors. I would also be sad that we’d lose all of our pictures from when I was a baby and my parents were first married. Just memory-related things, I suppose.

I really hope you start to feel better Jamie! It sucks that winter is right around the corner for you, which means getting thrown inside. As for winter activities? Sledding could be a TON of fun, especially if you and Will went and got in touch with your inner child sides! I wish I had more to say on that one but we don’t get snow or harsh winters, so our lives don’t change much October – March. (Sorry for such a long comment!) *hugs*

It really is the worst because there isn’t anything anyone else can say or do. Will gets upset sometimes because he feels so bad and I’m like it’s not YOUR FAULT. You make me very happy but you alone cannot supply all my happiness!

I felt the SAME way my senior year in high school…and my senior year in college. I wanted to cherish these times but I also was just so ready to move ON. You seem very mature, from what I have seen of you, so I can see how you would be itching to get out of HS right now! I wish blogging had been a thing when I was in high school…I feel like I would have had my eyes opened to all sorts of things and people and experiences. I’m so excited for you to move on to that next step…I think you will LOVE college. I did! It was so SCARY and exciting turning 18 I remember. Like OMG I AM AN ADULT but also WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?? You will do AMAZING in college. It’s about adapting and opening yourself up to all the things life has to offer. Do your schoolwork but still have fun and be spontaneous! I can tell you..most jobs don’t really care about your GPA. They want to know you can do the job. I know there is a lot to be uncertain about but ALSO? Think about all those exciting possibilities that come with it!! there’s some sort of beauty to me in the uncertain. I’ve always loved this quote: “When you become comfortable with uncertainty, infinite possibilities open up in your life.” ~Eckhart Tolle. YOU GOT THIS LADY. It’s 10000% normal to be nervous but honestly I’m kind of jealous of that place where you are in life. I wish I could relive it in some ways. I mean, not all ways. It had its share of suckiness but there is something about that age that made me feel so ALIVE. Okay, now I sound like some old crazy lady hahah

I have to say….I’ve always been VERY impressed with you HS and college bloggers. IDK how you do it!! I think a hiatus is okay to rejuvenate yourself. I took a hiatus of sorts a couple years ago when I was wedding planning/in the month or two before the wedding and I was glad I did. And weirdly I came back and my blog became better than ever. I was so ready and was full of creativity. Don’t get so down on yourself. Be proud that you aren’t trying to force it!

YES LET’S SWITCH LOCATIONS!!

Those were the things that I think I would miss most too…memory related. You can’t replace those most of the time.

I soooo want to go sledding. We have all those nephews and nieces and I have already declared one snow day that we are going to all go sledding. (I will try not to be miserable about how cold I will be lol)

Don’t you ever apologize for a long comment! I loved it and loved getting to know you more! <3

Oh Jamie <3 You are a wonderful lady and I'm so sorry you're struggling.

I know what it feels like not sometimes not feel like an adult. I'll be 29 in December and I still don't feel like I'm an adult. I think being unemployed is a BIG part of that. I want to work, I want to love my job. I am trying to find a job and I have yet to get even an interview, so it's really hard.

You are a blogger who has been truly awesome to so many people. You are a wonderful friend and giving up your blogging would be hard and it's something I hope you'd never do. You'd be so missed, Jamie.

I'd tell you (probably over a cup of coffee) that I'm struggling emotionally. Having the rug ripped out from under me has been difficult. I was in love and so excited to be married. Finding out that Chris cheated on me has been truly awful and I'm still crying daily. I loved this man and apparently I wasn't enough for him. That is so unbelievably hard for me to understand. Why wasn't I enough for him? Why did he propose to me if he was going to devastate me only a few months later? Telling family and friends & vendors that the wedding was off has broken my heart. It's going to take awhile for my heart to heal.

I'd tell you that I really, really want some Thai food. That sounds absolutely delicious right now.

*hugs to you* I’m so sorry you have to go through that. I don’t even have the words and my heart would be broken to pieces. YOU are enough. It was HIM that was a dum dum! Let’s be real. but I know that doesn’t help how you feel now. YOU will be okay. You are strong and you have all of us behind you! You might not ever get the answers to those questions, and it sucks, but you WILL be okay!

So I’m here, with my Angry Orchard hard cider that YOU recommended to me.. let’s pretend we’re actually face to face having this convo, okay? Okay!

I have not finished a book in 6 weeks. WHO AM I?! A person who’s life just completely changed upside down in the last 6 weeks, that’s who. But I did start reading Emery Lord’s 2015 novel this weekend. I have a feeling THIS may be the book that gets me to the finish line!

It’s always hard to admit when life isn’t going your way. It’s always so much easier to shout the happy times, isn’t it? Just know that you’re not alone during this time, and that I’m here always, to listen.

Girl, I turned 33 this year and have never been happier TO BE MY AGE. Trust me, leaving your 20s behind isn’t so scary. Age is ONLY a number, it’s how YOU feel that defines that so-called “age”, right? It just so happens I feel better now that I am in my 30s than I did in my 20s.

Completely natural and normal to feel discouraged about things you put so much time into. You want to see your efforts shine through. I have days that I get discouraged about my blog, too. Lately though, the blog has taken back seat to the rest of my life, and I am okay with that. I know it will be there when I have the time for it. Take deep breaths and look at the positive. Look at how much you HAVE accomplished with her blog. Trust me, Jamie girl, it is A LOT.

I wish I could say, I know how you feel about the cold weather thing. But.. living in Texas with 100+ degree temps for the last several months, I am DONE with the heat! haha Bring on my Texas winter.. however, that just means it’s 60 degrees, haha.

Jamie here are five things you ARE good at:
1. Being creative (this blog right here is YOUR EXAMPLE)
2. Style (I love your sense of fashion and eye for style)
3. Being a friend (you’ve been a great one to me for the past 4 years!)
4. Music mixes (you rock dude, literally)
5. Showing your emotions & not being afraid to

I love your face & I hope life shines a bit of happiness on you soon. Cheers! xo

I WISH THAT I WAS WITH YOU DRINKING AN ANGRY ORCHARD. God I hate geography soooo much.

I felt that way when I was wedding planning…esp those months right before. I was not reading like at ALL and it felt so WEIRD!! I think we just have to accept these seasons and be okay that reading may take a backseat but you WILL get back to it. You’ve got important stuff going on! How is it all going btw??? Also can’t wait to start Emery’s latest!!

It really is so easy to shout the happy times. I think society perpetuates that a lot. It’s okay not to be okay and I think things would be easier for people if everyone felt open enough to say “I’m not doing so great right now” instead of trying to hide it. Social media is SO easy to do that. I know it’s easy for me to be all upbeat and such online and then when I feel really bad I just stay away from it. But it’s easy to not let anyone know.

I’m glad you and Anna ventured into 30 before me 🙂 I think for me it’s just that signal that I am inching forward to inevitable death. lol. That sounds so morbid but I fear getting old and grey and dying. I mean, it’s stupid. But it scares me. I plan to not let 30 get me down and make it be the best!!

I hate going through these bumps of discouragement with the blog. Lately it’s seemed more prolonged than normal and it’s just so frustrating. I still love all this at the core so what is IT? I doubt it is all the little things that I can let myself worry about so I guess I need to think on what the real heart of the matter is.

I need to come live with you and Daisy during Winter. FOR SURE.

And okay NOW I AM CRYING. I am so lucky to have met you and thank you for the kind words. I needed to hear them <33

Hi! I’m megan. Nice to meet you. I’ve been lurking on your blog for months (thanks for introducing me to Morgan Matson!) but I’m not usually the commenting type. Just wanted you know that I read your blog several times a week and love it. Im not sure if this is at all helpful but I am an old lady (33) and I can tell you that your thirties are pretty great and not really all that different than your twenties except we’ve all had more experience being our selves now than we did then. presumably that makes us a little better at it now. Happy almost birthday. I look forward to more posts!

You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear that I introduced you to Morgan Matson!! LOVE HER BOOKS. (Have you ever checked out Jessi Kirby? Her books are similar and her and Morgan are actually real good friends. LOVE HER BOOKS TOO).

I love what you said here — “had more experiences being our selves now than we did then.” I did a lot of struggling to find myself in my 20’s. Making some huge hard changes in the past couple years. Undoing things from early 20’s. So honestly…that sounds really exciting to me. Thanks! I really needed to think about them. I’m finally ME and apologetically so! It’s going to be fun! 🙂

And thank you so much for commenting! I love my lurkers as much as my commenters but it was really nice to meet you and hear from you and know you are out there! 🙂

hahaha okay so i def relate to that disconnection thing. i am CONSTANTLY deleting the stupid twitter app on my phone and dream of the day i’l leave twitter etc. i just feel like it’s absolutely pointless for me to be on it or like…anything because it’s not like i’m contributing anything valuable. but then again, twitter has def allowed me to know people i wouldn’t afterwards and that’s (sadly??) how most of my relationships form. ANYWAY!!! sometimes i feel ok and then sometimes i feel like my depression is going to suck me back in again,

this is going to sound obnoxious to you but yeah ugh getting old. i’ll never be a teenage wunderkind! i can’t even be like ofc they’ve accomplished so much. i remember when like, 18 felt so old and now it feels so young.

and umm i think you already know my feelings about blogging by now haha. and i’ve actually been eating a lot of thai lately! like, pad thai and their pineapple cashew fried rice bc they give portions big enough to have at least two meals. HASHTAG BROKE.

i think our talents are the same. i’m hopelessly untalented unless you count OVERTHINKING EVERYTHING and FREAKING OUT OVER THE DUMBEST THINGS and INABILITY TO MAKE ANY DECISION EVER LIKE A PROPER ADULT as talents. then i’d win the whole talent show, for sure.

I wouldn’t know what to do if I deleted my Twitter app. I should for a week. I hate all the scrolling I do. And then I get sad because i’m not in the convo and I’m like JUMP IN SELF and then I’m like nooo i’m forever alone here. Haha you know how it goes…since we talk about this often about blogging and such.

Hi, sorry I’m late – I always seem to be a little late since I stopped working and became a homemaker (partially out of desire and also because I can’t seem to get hired in my newish – is 2.5 years still new? – town). What are you having, just plain coffee? I’m going to grab tea…brb. Ha ha!
I had a total freak out when I was about to turn 30 for pretty much the same reasons you expressed. I cried and felt panicky, like there was some way to stop the time and I was going to find it to stop hyperventilating. I was upset that I didn’t have the dream job and wasn’t settled and did not feel adult-like and hadn’t traveled or done any of the things I wanted to do (or thought you should do in your 20s) and now I was in the “adult years” and fun time was over. Sigh. But I managed to get through it. And when I just turned 35 I felt some of the same panicky feelings creeping it. Where the hell was all the time going? And what was I DOING with my life? Glad to know I’m not the only one.
I’m sorry life just isn’t good. I know the feeling of being off/awful/like you’re sick when you’re not and you can’t explain it to anyone and the more people ask the more you just want to crawl into your hole. I hope it passes for you as it has in the past always passed for me.
I would tell you that you are probably really great at something, even tho you don’t think you are. I feel the same way but I know if you asked my friends and family they’d say I’m very creative and crafty – I just compare myself to all the blogs out there and think, um no, not even close.
I haven’t noticed you not on Twitter and comments as much, I thought you’d been answer me, someone you don’t know, more lately. 🙂 Shows ya what I know. I know about blog stats – when one of mine doesn’t reach my “goal” numbers (which is just a measly 100 views), I always wonder why, it was a brilliant idea!
Lastly, I’d ask if you wanted to get a brownie or cookie or ice cream and talk about what’s for dinner.

Haha I actually wasn’t even drinking coffee when I typed this out. I was drinking a warm water with half of a fresh squeezed lemon, honey and a pinch of cayenne pepper and cinnamon. Sounds weird but it tastes good and is SO good for you in the morning. I drink a lot less coffee since I started doing these posts lol. I normally drink tea when I’m not drinking this. DRATS. I should change the name but…too much work haha.

Ha that sounds so much like me! I was panicking myself into a little tizzy and I’m like OKAY I NEED TO STOP…what is this accomplishing? I could be using this time to come up with a timestopping device 😛 I feel the same way. I feel like part of my problem is that I haven’t accomplished or done all the things I wish I had done in my twenties. I mean, I know I have done stuff but there’s other stuff that I just thought would have happened and HERE WE ARE. I think the best thing about this post is learning I’m not alone in this not feeling like I’m where I should be. Maybe we all need to stop thinking about where we SHOULD be and just BE. Easier said than done haha.

YES!! It makes me sadder in ways when people ask because I can’t EXPLAIN it. I can’t be like OH WELL THIS IS WHY I FEEL THIS WAY. I just don’t know. It’s a lot of things. And Will just doesn’t have the same kind of feelings as me. he’s so happy go lucky and just doesn’t stew on things or get super deep in his feelings and so it’s hard for him to understand me.

I compare too! I really love my blog and all I’ve done in the past 4.5 years. I’ve created a community I love here and I feel creative and things…but comparison is a bitch, man. There’s that quote that says “comparison is the thief of joy” and it’s SO SO true.

I’m glad you haven’t noticed me being flaky! I’ve been awful but I’ve been trying so maybe you got me on a good day 🙂

I would ABSOLUTELY love to get some desserts and dinner! And I love you because you said desserts BEFORE dinner. ADULTHOOD ROCKS. Thanks for commenting…it was so lovely to get to know you a bit!

Jamie, I’m a relatively new reader of your blog, but I love it and trust all your recommendations (because we have the same taste, so that means we have the BEST taste, right?) I’m not much of a blog commenter, but this post rung so true for me. I turned 30 this year. I’m in a weird place in my life right now and have been feeling alone, like a failure, exhausted from feeling that way and berating myself because my life is actually pretty darn good, all things considered, but I can’t manage to get happy and stay that way. So much of your story right now (or the parts that you bravely shared) resonate with things I have been through or am going through and I appreciate your candor. It helps me not feel so alone. I hope it helps you not feel so alone, too. 🙂

UM yes we do have the best taste! HI NEW BEST FRIEND!! 🙂 Thank you for the kind words. If you ever need any specific recs, you just let me know! And if you ever want to email about a book we both loved…my inbox is always open!!

I so right there with you. I really DO feel like a failure. I think we have this idea of what 30 is supposed to look like and, for me, it does NOT match up at all with where I’m at. I see other people my age who look like they have the adulting thing better than me and I’m like oKAY IS IT ME?! And not being in a career right now has made me feel very alone too. There are nice things about nannying but it’s not what I want to be doing right now. And that “my life is pretty good, why am I so miserable” guilt is the WORST. I so feel you on that :/ *hugs*

It absolutely DOES make me feel not so alone. To know I’m not standing in this place by myself. We will get through it! Thank you for commenting! I really, really appreciate you taking that leap and sharing with me. It was nice to meet you! 🙂

I relate a lot! Just turned 28 and have no idea what I’m doing. I’m working outside of my college education area for 3 years, having quit a marine biology research job, an almost finished masters degree and a phD application because I didn’t feel like I was doing the thing I wanted (and research was too brain tiring and money was crap anyway). I Left my country, my house, my 2 cats, 500+ books and all my THINGS behind, to work a brainless, flexible and easy job as a flight attendant in one of the greatest cities in Europe for 3 years. Everyone was thinking I was living the dream in Barcelona, but i don’t even know what my dream is. Now I’m finished packing to move back home to do the same job in a different base, starting all over again, like it’s a new job and I’m pretty nervous again. I love Barcelona, and will miss it greatly (especially the amazing weather, I share your winter depression) but I love my city and being close to my family even more. It’s such a mix of feelings, and it’s a weird feeling to leave a place that was never really your home, to come back to one that after 3 years doesn’t feel like home anymore. I quit research because I was not doing what I wanted, but 3 years later I’m still figuring out what that is.
Somewhere in the middle of all this, I quit writing my book blog, started again and stoped again. It is now in the Blog Limbo, waiting for better inspiration from its confused owner.
Wow, this was very emotional as well lol. Didn’t expect to share so much, but there you have it! 😀 Don’t worry too much, Jamie, life will find a way 🙂

Good for you for stepping away when it wasn’t working!! I think it’s so hard to do that and so BRAVE honestly. I think the grass is always greener because I’m sitting here like OMG a job as a flight attendant…Europe!! AHH. Even if maybe it wasn’t your ultimate dream..I would imagine that it was an experience that DID help shape you in some ways? And it’s helping you ultimately FIND that dream whatever it is. I think to be able to adapt like that says a lot about you and you will be FINE in your new job! But I feel you..I hate that new job feeling.

When I got laid off I was sad because NO JOB but it was also a relief because I HATED that job. It was NOT what I wanted and I knew it but I didn’t do anything about it. In all the time I’ve been looking for jobs I’ve been looking for similar marketing/social media jobs but then I’m like IS THIS EVEN WHAT I WANT? I don’t even know. I went to school for it but I’m not like OMG THIS IS MY DREAM. It’s so hard. How do we figure that out?? And I always feel like…I’m almost 30..shouldn’t I have figured this out by now??

Juggling a blog is SO hard on top of all this life stuff. I hope you figure out what it is you want out of it! I think, sometimes it helps to kind of write out a vision for yourself. A manifesto. And sometimes it means re-imagining what it should look like. I know sometimes the book blog world makes you feel like you have to post a certain amount and do certain things…but that’s a bunch of crap. Your book blog might look different to you!

I’m really happy that you commented. Makes me feel less alone in this and it was nice to get to know you! If you ever start your blog up again let me know!! Good luck with the new job! Are you on Twitter? Keep me updated!!

If we were having coffee (mine would be herbal tea), I would tell you that you are not alone in your feelings right now. I would tell you that I still read all of your posts through email, even if I don’t click on the link to open it in a new tab, so maybe lots of your readers are doing this (maybe that is why your stats are down). I would tell you that I don’t know what it means to feel like an adult either, and maybe we are actually lucky, and this will keep us young forever, so it doesn’t matter that you are going to be 29, or 35, or 52. I would tell you that even though we haven’t ever met, I feel like we would be great friends in real life. I would tell you I also thought I would have found my thing (painting, violin, etc.) by now, but haven’t found one thing I am interested in that I am remotely good at, but that doesn’t mean we can’t still do crafts (even if it comes out worse than a kindergarteners) or rock out at karaoke (even if we sound like cats dying) because who cares as long as it’s fun. <3

That’s true. Maybe because we DON’T feel like adults we ARE doing it right. I’m going to accept that as the answer. We definitely would get along I think!! I wish all my bookish friends lived near me! We could hang out and do shitty crafts together and laugh because they look like a kid did it and then we could go do karaoke because nobody wants to do karaoke with me!!

I totally feel you on not feeling “fine” when people ask how you’re doing! And I’m sorry you’re down about your blog right now! Your blog is probably my favorite book-related blog, if that’s worth anything. The content, the creative posts, the look of it, and how much time you obviously put into content and design makes me in awe of you!! 😉 Don’t worry about 29 or 30 – as someone who turned 30 this year I promise the next decade is just as good as the last!

I’m happy to have your assurance that 30 is just as kickass! 🙂 And yes, let me know when you do it! I’d love to get to know you better! I’m always behind in my blog reading so a little nudge might help me 😛

I have to say that I absolutley LOVE these posts!! I want to try something like it on my blog because, as a reader, I love getting to know the writer. And as a writer, I enjoy the defferent way of sharing things about myself.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I am slowly making my way through The Maze Runner, along with 3 different text books. I would tell you that I have ZERO time to read and it SUCKS. It makes me wound up and stressed. I have to spend so much time in reality (lol).

If were were having coffee, I would tell you that my response to “How are you?” Is fine or okay. But, really, I’m not. I feel like my head is going to explode. One of these days, it’s really going to blow and I am going to be really sorry. This is my hardest year of school yet, I’m getting married in 10 months, I just CAN’T KEEP UP! There is so much to do and just so little time. I don’t feel like I am drowning instead of treading water any more. I haven’t been able to read, blog, workout, anything. I just went home (350 miles from my school) and I feel like there is so much expected of me. There are 168 hours in a week, about 56 of them are spent sleeping and 21 of them are in class for me, that leaves 91 hours for homework, working out, blogging, spending time with my fiancee and I have NO IDEA where it all goes!!

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I’m 19 going on 20 and I feel nostalgic for all the time that’s passes, but I’m also excited for everything to come. I’d tell you that I am jealous of all the things you have done so far, so you shouldn’t worry that time is passing. As long as you enjoy yourself along the way.

I would tell you not to get discouraged. My blog has 72 total views and 4 of the 5 comments are from my mom! I LOVE reading your blog, but most often, I just don’t have the time to comment 🙁 I wish I did because everything you write is amazing! I feel like nothing I write matters, but then I remind myself that my happiness shouldn’t depend on what others think about what I write. I chose to write because I enjoy it, I like getting my thoughts out and knowing that they are there and always will be now.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I am strangely excited for the cold waether. I’m excited for snuggeling, and giftmaking (and buying), and curing up with coffee/hot coco/tea and a good book and getting lost for a few good hours. I am excited for the change in colors, for the holiday season, for winter break. I want to try ice skating this winter 🙂 along with skiing (I haven’t tried it since I was LITTLE).

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I go to my mom for help. Which is WAY more often then I want to admit! I need her advice and perspective as I struggle with the effort to stay focused. When I need someone to remind me why I am here and why I am working so HARD just so I can stay in school even LONGER. I would tell you that I go to my dad when I need HELP. Like can’t get my computer to work, my car won’t start, I can’t figure out my money. Those sorts of things. But, even more, I find myself going to my fiancee and best friends for the DAILY support. When I need a mood boost and just can’t see why I should bother going to school when I get a D on a test. Why I should keep working out when I don’t see any results.

If we were talking over coffee, I woul dtell you that I am just as frustrated with my LACK OF BEING ABLE TO DO THINGS as you are. I want to be a reader, runner, crafter, A student. But I just am NOT. I work really hard for the Bs and Cs that I get, and I feel dumb. I work out as much as possible, but I hate the TIME it takes (kind weird, right?). I try to make things, but nothing is Pinterest quality. I kind when over this struggle a couple of weeks ago when I started my new blog (allthingsm.org) because I wanted an about page that really got everything I am, and I jut didn’t have anything that I was.. And it Sucks…

Lastly, I would tell you that I would miss stupid things like books and blankets and clothes and my electronics (kindle, tablet, iPod). I have a lot of JUNK and moving to college has out into perspective all the things I love and what is important enough for me to take it accross the STATE. What I need and what I simply like because it reminds me of “that one time I did that one thing.”

UGH hate when real life gets in the way of reading!!! The worst!! It makes me feel off too! Hope you can sneak some fun reading in here and there!

And yesssss. There are not NEARLY enough hours in the day to do what is expected of me, what I need to get done, what I WANT to do, etc. MAN..you have a lot on your plate though. I don’t know how you are doing school AND planning a wedding. I planned my wedding 2 years ago and JEEZ…so much stress. You will get through it though. I thought I was going to lose it and I took some deep breaths, surrounded myself with people more level headed than I to keep me steady and not let my head spin and then I got through it. You will too!!

I feel that way too. Happy about what’s to come but so nostalgic and clinging to the past/present so I don’t have to get older.

And girl, you don’t have to apologize for not commenting. (HOW WOULD YOU EVEN HAVE TIME HAHA). I just have let myself get too in my own head about it. And I think you have a good attitude…I have always chosen to write what I wanted to write..whether it was popular or not and I feel good about that. I do this for me because I enjoy it but I also did it to connect! I need to remember that even if I’m just connecting with one person…mission accomplished!!

Will and I want to go ice skating too!! My favorite part about the cold/snowy weather IS the fact that it is even MORE acceptable to curl up and read all day. WHO WANTS TO GO OUT WHEN IT IS ZERO DEGREES. Not meeee.

Your support system sounds amazing!! It’s so important to have people that are there for us in different areas.

I was JUST telling Will how frustrated I am with working out. It’s something that he enjoys so he doesn’t mind going for an hour and half to two hours. But I HAAAATE it. I want to be healthy but omg it takes so much time.

…first of all…I WOULD NEED TO KNOW ALL YOUR THOUGHTS ON STATION ELEVEN. DYING TO KNOW.

…second of all….this is (me hugging you). Pretend the parentheses are my arms.

…third of all…I would tell you that I have not noticed any flakiness. Jamie, you are an amazing blogger, and just because numbers dip because of school starting or people trying to get to their own ARCs for reading (ahem) does not mean we are not still here. We are, and we love you.

…fourth of all, I would tell you that you are amazing at blogging and social media. Do not knock this. It is definitely your thing. I do know exactly how you feel, though – even though I do lots of things, I don’t feel like I have one thing that is my utmost passion that I am absolutely amazing at. But maybe we are just the kinds of people who are good at lots of things? For you, I think that thing is bringing people together and being so real and authentic and creative online. I don’t know anyone who does that as well as you do.

…fifth of all…I would tell you that I hate winter, too, but I am determined to like it this year. A big part of that is investing in a really good coat this year. The one I’m looking at is crazy expensive, but I am saving every penny because I think it’s going to save my life. Maybe that’s an idea for you?

I know all that. In all these years I’ve learned not to get upset by this stuff and that there are ebbs and flows and that I shouldn’t take it personally…but I think where my head is at right now it’s really easy to let it.

Thank you for your kind words <33 At the heart of me, I know I can be creative and I know that I love connecting with people (and feel like I do a pretty good job with it).

I just turned 28 and I’m totally with you on being afraid of being almost 30 and wondering how in the world I could possibly be an adult. It still doesn’t feel real.

I was unemployed for a while too, and then was a temp employee for years, and now I have a decent, stable job with good people, but I would say I’m underemployed (though quite thankful for the job I have). When I get frustrated with any of these facts, however, I try to remember the valuable things I have learned/am learning in each of these stages of my life. So what if I’m not moving as fast as I thought I would? Honestly, I’m much more aware of what I want to do now than I did 10 years ago when I was about to start college, and I am working towards that in the way I best know how, even if it feels like I’m crawling to get there.

You might want to check out the books Quitter and Start by Jon Acuff. They’re easy, enjoyable non-fiction reads about how out how the practical steps the author took to get from his day job to his dream job. He’s also working on a new book that will be released I think early next year, which will about the lessons he’s learned since going the self-employed route. I found both books super encouraging as I’ve struggled to figure out just where to go from where I’m at, so I would highly recommend them!

I love these posts, and this one has surely given me a lot to think about!

I live in a state of perpetual winter. Or rather, weather here in Pittsburgh is usually capricious and finnicky anyway, and always blustery and rainy. Most days I do get chased inside, or I learn to find a cute umbrella/rain boots (or in a few months, cute snowboots and hat) and brave the outdoors every now and then. Seeing holiday lights in the city. Going ice skating outside. Popping into cafes for a warm cup of coffee when the cold gets to be too much. For the days I do get chased inside, I make the most of being cozy! Blankets, socks, forts, Netflix marathons, baking (which warms up the house too!), anything at all! Winter is the epitome of me-time, so I take full advantage of being selfish with my time.

As for blog interactions: I have to constantly remind myself how much the world of blogging is/has been changing. Even I don’t leave comments much anymore, but instead rely on Instagram, Twitter, and other means of showing appreciation outside of traditional comments. I’m in a weird situation because most of my social media is on lockdown due to teaching, making things like retweets pretty much non-existent, but it’s the “pass it on” mentality that benefits me as a blogger, and that I think pays it forward to more readers. Don’t get me wrong, comments are nice, but I’d rather open up the conversation and inspire others to take action or think about something rather than just read a “Great links!” comment on my post.

I like the way you look at Winter. Letting yourself be selfish with the time bc mostly everyone else is chased inside. I think rethinking my attitude toward Winter is going to be fun! I’m going to seek out the fun but also devote time to things maybe I don’t do as much in the summer when it’s nice out and we have plans a lot! Also FORTS. I love blanket forts! And baking! We did that this weekend. REFRAMING THIS WHOLE WINTER THING RIGHT NOW.

Yes! It’s so true. As I was typing out the part about commenting and interacting I almost deleted it because I’m like WELL I HAVE BEEN SUCKING AT COMMENTING SO WHY SHOULD I COMPLAIN. I think social media does sometimes make it easier to share things and I love when new people find my blog because of something other people shared. It is that nod to “read it and loved it.” I feel the same way about the conversation rather than just a comment that lacks much value (that sounds so mean but you know what I’m saying right??). I think I do need to embrace the other ways people are interacting with my blog. I think back in the day comments were the gauge and the lifeline of your community but now it’s evolving.

Oh my goodness, this is a fun type of post. Kind of a nice way to your to sort of spill your guts without fully spilling your guts. So here’s some of the things that I would say if we were having coffee as well:
I’m currently reading Crown of Midnight, which is taking me a ridiculous amount of time to finish. I blame my job and feeling the need to do absolutely nothing which typically does not include reading. I kind of get too into it and have to stop early and it’s just not going well. I LOVE the book, but man is it taking awhile.
You are not alone in not doing so well lately. I am STILL adjusting to moving to a different state, and I moved here at least 6 months ago. I have been so homesick and I am just not letting myself give this place a chance. I’ve had a lack of success job hunting, and have kind of lost what I wanted to do since leaving my hometown and the jobs that I loved (I was working in the children’s department in 2 different libraries. Seriously, dream job. Now I work retail…which blows chunks). I basically am not where I wanted to be in life, at all, and I feel that if we were having coffee we could both vent and complain about where we are, because sometimes that definitely helps you move forward.
I love your blog, and am just a terrible blog reader. I follow you on facebook and your posts will come up and I just try to make a mental note to read it later, but it seems only on my days off are the days that I remember (did I mention I hate my retail job yet?). Please keep it up! I have gotten many book ideas from you and love reading your posts. If it helps I have a blog, but I am the worst at keeping it up. I have this idea that no one really cares what I have to say. No one comments on anything, so it’s kind of discouraging and I’m not sure what I want from it. But you, you have people following, commenting, and encouraging you to keep it up. Please keep it up! You always give me something to read and new books to look into.
I find adulthood to be overrated. I feel like I’m still a teenager. All these people that are the same age as me seem older, but I am just not feeling it. I would say embrace being 29. I think the 20’s can be so awkward. I feel like there are so many different expectations of people in their 20’s and then they change drastically once you hit 30’s, but just embrace 29. You can make it awesome. Also, I struggle with not feeling like I’m good at anything. I want to be like crafty or something, but I’m one of those that wants to be good RIGHT away and when it takes me a little while then I pretty much give up. Maybe it would help me feel a little better about life if I actually put forth some effort.
I HATE THE COLD WEATHER. My favorite activity is drinking warm beverages by the lovely fire that our apartment has. I hate it so much, and honestly cannot find any way to try to enjoy it. I kind of like snowshoeing I guess, but it has to be a fairly warm winter day for me. Why haven’t I moved South?
I have never had Thai food, but I am craving some pasta. Once I finish this episode of Once Upon a Time I think I better start some lunch.
I have been so frustrated with stuff similar to that topic of the things we value. Working in retail has REALLY started to turn me off to how we shop. It’s kind of ridiculous that people will stand in lines outside a store on a normal day just to look at shoes. And then they’ll buy a bunch and then days later return them because they suddenly realize that they didn’t like them. Drives me nuts. If my apartment were to catch fire there really isn’t a lot I would miss. I mean they are just things. I think anything that reminds me of my dad are things I would miss. He passed away when I was 13, and I still struggle with that all the time. I think to see some of those things destroyed would hurt, but I would still have all the memories I guess. I would also miss my books. It’s not even that I read them all constantly, it’s just something I like to have. I like to think of my future (far future) children reading these books, so I think seeing those destroyed would be hard for me too. But these are all things I would get over.

Hope things start turning around for you! I think that even though I LOVE fall there are many times where I find myself feeling pretty low in the fall. I think you see all these things changing, but you don’t see yourself changing or where you want to be. It happens. But you can definitely get through this. Keep up the blog! You have so many people here that LOVE reading it, and probably many who just don’t take the time to comment.

CROWN OF MIDNIGHT. LOVE THAT BOOK. THAT SERIES. Hate when real life gets in the way of being able to continuously read a book you love!

*hugs* I’m sorry you are feeling homesick and are in a sucky situation with work. I used to work retail and I FEEL YOUUU. The job search can be so demoralizing and feeling like you are not at all where you want to be? THE WORST. I’ve been trying really hard to reframe it and think about not where I WANT to be so much but how can I enjoy where I AM? It’s hard and obviously I keep my “where I want to be” goals in my sights but I’ve been so focused on it that I’m not enjoying the NOW. Like for me, with nannying,…it is NOT at all what I want to be doing but every day I tell myself things like, “MAN I wouldn’t be getting to spend this beautiful day at the park bc I’d be in an office” or “it’s so nice to wear yoga pants to work in the winter and I couldn’t at a different job.” IT’s HARD and it doesn’t always work but sometimes it does!

I’m the worst at blog reading too so I understand. No worries here. I think when I’m down about everything else it’s easy to let a dark cloud hang over EVERYTHING including my blog. I appreciate you reading! 🙂

The 20’s ARE kind of a weird decade huh? SO MANY LIFE CHANGES AND EXPECTATIONS. I loved my 20’s mostly though. Some periods more than others. I feel like a teenager still toooo. And I swear everybody my age has the secrets of adulthood but ME!

Since getting married and moving out of my childhood home I can’t ell you how much I have MISSED my fireplace these past 2 winters. *sobs* ONE DAY.

So sorry to hear about your dad 🙁 My mom passed when I was 20 and I feel like the stuff that would bother ME the most as well would be the stuff that was hers or reminds me of her. I have a blanket that my stepdad had made from a bunch of her old t-shirts that were SO characteristically her (her favorite sports teams, her college, her favorite shirts etc) and I would be DEVASTATED. I’m with you…THINGS are just things. I know I can get caught up in consumerism but I think maybe by having experienced loss we feel this a lot more? My mom passed and those things were still just things. She couldn’t take them with her. They were useless to her now. But those memories? Those are the things that are still alive and MEAN something. I mean, things are great. I love this thing that I’m typing on and connecting to you but I’m trying SOOO hard not to learn how to value my things the right way. (or how I see it as the right way)

Hope things start turning around for you too and that you are able to adjust better! Have you joined a book club?? Maybe that would be a start to connect with people and help make it HOME for you? Let me know where you are from and maybe I can connect you with one as I have gotten to know a lot of bloggers all over the place through all these years!

I have been looking a little, but all I can find are the book clubs with the old ladies that read books I’m not quite ready to read at this point in my life. And they meet on like Tuesday afternoons and I either work or I’m stuck at home without a car (my gosh, could the stresses in life just STOP piling up for once?) so I couldn’t get there anyway. I have never been a part of a book club, and think it would be so great to connect with people around here through that (because my co-workers…not so much). I am in the Appleton, WI area. Not too terribly different than being back in MN where I’m from, but still very different from being home. It’s weird. I’m in such a weird spot in life in general. My poor husband. I feel bad he’s had to deal with me lately. But if you know anyone around here that would be so cool. If not no worries. I’m trying to think of other ways to get out there. It’s sad that the people I am meeting are just not people I want to be around more than I have to.

Hey so this is kind of awkward but since you mention feeling disconnected from the blog…I read pretty regularly (I use a feedly, so I don’t know if it comes up on your stats, and I’m super busy so I generally wait for a slow afternoon at work – like now! – and catch up on a few days posts at once) and when I joined Twitter I followed you there also. Your posts are fun and I like reading about books! I hope you get through whatever’s getting you down and things get better!

I definitely feel you on the whole, “I’m not good at anything” front. I had a bit of a crisis last week actually. I’m currently working as an administrative assistant for a Civil Engineering/Surveying company which is definitely NOT what I want to do with my life. I went to school for fashion merchandising, but I don’t really want to do anything with that. But obviously that tells you how much experience I have in the engineering world. Zero. As an admin I get treated like shit and I do some pretty lame tasks, like bind training booklets. And it’s not that those things aren’t important, they are, but I guess I just feel like I could be doing so much more, you know? I don’t want to sound bitchy and like I think that this job is beneath me, but I want to contribute to the world and make a difference and I don’t feel like I’m living up to my full potential here. So I had a bit of a crisis, called my mom and she asked me what I like to do/what I’m good at. AND I HAD NO ANSWER. NOTHING. ZERO. ZILCH. How can I not know what I like? How can I not know what I’m good at? Am I good at nothing? Will I ever find my niche? Or am I going to be stuck in this job that I don’t love for the rest of my life? I’m working on my own writing, which I love, but am I good at it? I don’t know. I have tons of self-doubts. For a second, I think my WIP is pretty good, but then I start to doubt everything and I think, “no one is going to like this. this is terrible. why am I even trying when there are so many other more talented writers out there?” But I can’t say that out loud because then it seems like I’m whiny. So I don’t know where I’m going or what I’m doing with my life. And I don’t know if I’ll ever find the way.

But I guess the important thing is that I have Phil, my husband, who I love and that’s more than a lot of people find. I have a family who love and support me. I have some close friends that mean the world to me. And I have my blog. And it doesn’t matter how many people visit it or don’t. It makes me happy and it makes me feel like I’m doing a little tiny something for myself, something I love and something I’m somewhat good at. And you are too, Jamie. You’ve inspired me to get more personal on my blog and to be more social. Keep doing what you’re doing because you’re good at it! <3

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you I’m not doing well either. A few weeks ago I got placed on night shift (7 pm to 7 am), and it’s been really hard on me. I try to tell my coworkers I’m fine, but it’s actually REALLY hard. I absolutely love what I do, but not when I do it. No one is awake at 2 am on my nights off, so I sit there watching Netflix or reading. It’s actually kind of lonely. I also rarely get to see my fiancé since we’re on different schedules. While I’m sleeping, he has school all day. While I’m awake or working, he’s sleeping. It’s really hard and it’s bumming me out.
If we were having coffee, I’d tell you I feel like I made bad choices when it came to picking bridesmaids. I asked them super early, but now that wedding things actually need to happen, I feel like they’re drifting away and not interested in doing anything wedding related.
If we were having coffee, I’d tell you I feel like I’ve lost all of my friends. Growing up sucks, and no one seems to stick around. All the friends I had in high school either moved away or got married, so now we only talk when it’s convenient for them, if at all. It’s hard to think that just a couple of years ago, I was the maid of honor in a wedding (she was my best friend at the time) and now I’m not even inviting her to our wedding because she only talks to me to tell me she put me down as a reference on a job application. Her response when I got engaged? “Finally!”. That’s it. And that hurts.
If we were having coffee, I’d tell you how it’s hard to not fall back on bad habits when I get to feeling like this, but the internet is definitely not the place for that talk. I just feel ugh, and it doesn’t help that I’ll never see the sun shortly while working nights.
But maybe if we were having coffee, I’d feel better afterwards.

Oh Jamie, I really, really enjoy when you do these posts! It’s always fun to see what’s really going on in your world, and it definitely helps put a bigger picture to the face/person behind a blog. Let’s see if I can answer every single thing you’ve asked in this comment:

I’ve just finished reading Shape of My Heart by Ann Aguirre, which was a nice NA break from all the YA I’ve been reading. That entire series is really fun! If you’re looking for more NA to read, I’d highly recommend this just because it’s pretty darn funny and very swoony too.

And it’s really admirable that you’re so honest about the fact that you’re not doing fine! Honestly, I have those days too – and I can relate to how hard they can be. I’m sending lots of positive feelings your way, and praying for the best for you. And letting you know I’m always around if you need someone to chat – or to hang out with and just enjoy good food + company! Plus, that thing about time flying by so fast — YES. I felt like this entire year literally flew by without any warning, and I’m scared it’s always going to be that way. So I’m doing my best to consciously be present in every moment and enjoying it to the fullest!

I actually like cold weather, at least during fall. It’s fun to get to dress cozy and to wear boots again! I just think of all the festive drinks and holidays coming up, and start planning presents, and embrace all the fall-ish activities (cabin trips, playing in leaves, cider and cider donuts).

THAI FOOD <3 And Macky is the person who helps me find a different perspective whenever I'm faced with things I don't quite understand! I also get your thoughts on "things". I've been trying to be conscious of what I bring into our house in terms of objects, and what I choose to spend my money on.

October was so busy that clearly I’m behind on blog rounds — just realized this post was a month ago BUT I am commenting anyway! I’d LOVE to get coffee with you! Firstly, i love the idea behind this post because my friends and i used to get coffee and TALK about life and everything and I always felt so much better afterward. Since then I’ve moved away, I’ve moved back, friends have moved and I haven’t had a legit coffee date in awhile. I totally want to do a post like this now.

Anyway. If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that while I don’t know what’s going on that has you feeling down, just know that we’re here to listen! I think one of the things that I LOVE about the bookish community is how nice and supportive we are of each other. So if we were having coffee, I’d give you a HUGE hug.

I totally get the freak out about the age. I’m still in my 20s but I got this major freak out that the years keep slipping away and I won’t have done anything I WANT to do before I’m old. I’ve been in school nonstop until this past spring and I have so many places i want to see and things i want to DO and obvs now I have to concentrate on working bc money is necessary for the previous things… I legit almost had a panic attack and my husband was like WHY are you freaking out. So I get this. (Also as recently as like a month ago, someone thought I was a teenager so obviously my face is never going to catch up to my age…) But age shouldn’t define us and we can always be young at heart. 🙂

Oh I totally understand what you mean by about wanting to be REALLY good at something. I have friends who have these awesome talents and I’m like ummm I’m good at singing in the shower by myself where my voice won’t hurt people. I think sometimes it takes other people to see things in ourselves that we don’t see… if that makes sense. For instance, with all the people you interact with, you are AWESOME at remembering things about everyone and being a genuine friend! now i want to give you another hug. *dumps all the hugs into this comment*

i really do love this post — it takes a lot to be honest and say that you’re not doing “fine”. It’s so easy to toss that around, it’s a reflex answer when people ask how I’m doing. (Earlier this year, I think I perfected a smile to go with a “good” in response to people when really, everything sucked.) I hope that you are doing better and that whatever is going on will work out. Sending you all good thoughts and more hugs!