liz rivershttp://www.lizrivers.com
Evolving from competition to collaborationWed, 14 Feb 2018 14:10:25 +0000en-GBhourly156754844And what does your father do…?http://www.lizrivers.com/2018/02/and-what-does-your-father-do/
http://www.lizrivers.com/2018/02/and-what-does-your-father-do/#respondWed, 14 Feb 2018 14:10:25 +0000http://www.lizrivers.com/?p=1090Walking through the vast, opulent lobby of a global law firm in the City I was stopped in my tracks by a huge noticeboard entitled “Allen & Out”, encouraging staff to champion their LGBT colleagues. The firm were promoting LGBT awareness as part of a diversity and inclusion initiative. So what? You may ask. Why my amazement?

The last time I’d been to their offices back in the early 90s the reception was like a gentleman’s club, full of leather studded armchairs and copies of Hare & Hound and Country Life. At that time, the idea that a law firm would even acknowledge it had gay members of staff, let alone actively champion them, would have been astounding.

I remember a client complaining to me about an employee he wanted to sack: “She’s a bolshie dyke and I want her out”. I was shocked but didn’t know how to challenge his sexism and homophobia – such views were commonplace at the time.

Overt discrimination based on social class was rampant too. At interviews for trainee solicitor jobs in the mid 80s I was routinely asked: “and what does your father do?”

To my intense relief I had a “respectable” answer to this question – my father was an accountant. I’m uncomfortably aware my career could have been very different if he’d been a bus driver. Of course, no one asked about my mother’s occupation.

When it comes to equality and diversity we all know the situation isn’t a bed of roses: Weinstein, Trump, The President’s Club. And yet, LGBT people are no longer forced to hide who they are at work and no one gets asked about their father’s occupation.

]]>http://www.lizrivers.com/2018/02/and-what-does-your-father-do/feed/01090From avoiding the limelight to being a guest on Desert Island Discshttp://www.lizrivers.com/2018/02/pinky-lilani/
http://www.lizrivers.com/2018/02/pinky-lilani/#respondTue, 06 Feb 2018 06:30:48 +0000http://www.lizrivers.com/?p=1080My high profile interviewee this month is the inspirational change-maker Pinky Lilani CBE DL, who was a recent guest on BBC’s iconic interview programme Desert Island Discs. Pinky is an Asian businesswoman, a Muslim, a champion of women and the founder of the Women of the Future Awards – this was definitely a woman I wanted to meet!

Pinky is a highly sought after speaker, who has been invited to speak at the Oxford Union. She is funny, insightful and wise and to hear her speak you would think she has been a speaker all her adult life. Yet this was not always the case – not so long ago she avoided speaking and felt very unconfident.

Over a cup of tea at The Shard’s Shangri-La Hotel in London she told me about her journey into public speaking.

What advice do you have for women who would like to become more confident at public speaking?

First of all practice, practice, practice – take every opportunity to speak. I did 25 Women’s Institute talks in 2 years and I felt much more confident as a result.

Recognise that you will have good performances and not so good ones – learn from your mistakes and don’t be crushed by them.

Secondly, value yourself – if you don’t then no-one else will – but don’t let it tip over into arrogance. The best speakers, and leaders for that matter, are people who can portray themselves in a positive light but don’t take themselves too seriously.

To be honest when I was invited onto Desert Island Discs this year I had no idea it was such a big deal – listened to by over 8 million people around the world – so I was quite relaxed about it. It was only after as the responses and invitations flooded in that I realised its significance. I’m glad I didn’t know before I did the interview how high profile it is!

Thirdly, be willing to be vulnerable. I’m an Asian woman, a Muslim, in my 60s and have a hearing impairment. It would be easy to let these factors hold me back, yet when I tell my audiences about my disability for example, they are invariably kind and understanding and feel more connected with me as a result of my openness.

Why is it important for more women to be speakers?It’s important that more women get their voices heard and step up as leaders so that we can bring more kindness and collaboration into society – 2 qualities I value highly. I hope my example will encourage women to put themselves forward.

Thanks for this great advice Pinky!

]]>http://www.lizrivers.com/2018/02/pinky-lilani/feed/01080What fear do you want to overcome?http://www.lizrivers.com/2018/01/what-fear-do-you-want-to-overcome/
http://www.lizrivers.com/2018/01/what-fear-do-you-want-to-overcome/#respondThu, 25 Jan 2018 14:48:36 +0000http://www.lizrivers.com/?p=1085I love writing and it gives me huge pleasure when one of my newsletter readers tells me “I don’t read many newsletters but I always read yours”. Sometimes they go on to say “You should write a book”.

At this point I freeze like a rabbit in the headlights and my internal critic says “You can’t do that!” So another year goes by and the book never gets started.

This year I’ve decided to tackle my fear head on by joining The Writer’s Studio, a group led by the amazing Kathy Gale, former Managing Director of The Women’s Press. As I sat in the group for the first time last Friday having my writing tactfully critiqued I went right back to my 10 year old self listening to Sister Mary Cyprian, the terrifying nun headmistress of my primary school, picking apart my grammar.

I will always remember my shock as I proudly presented my story to her and she responded by criticising it in front of the class, leading to my internal decision “I can’t write”.

Last Friday a big part of me wanted to run away from the group and wholeheartedly agree with Sister Mary Cyprian and my 10 year old self. Yet I know that if I stick with this work my writing has the chance to flourish.

What I am learning about facing my fears is:

We make decisions in childhood to keep us emotionally safe and these become “hard wired” into us. We need to periodically upgrade our “hardware” by uncovering and challenging those beliefs. This takes courage, patience and self-compassion.

When we are making changes, sometimes it feels worse before it feels better. This is not a sign to stop but to keep going.

Getting the skilled support of others to overcome our fears is vital. Just as it’s a bad idea to try to cut your own hair, calling on expert support can move you forward in leaps and bounds rather than trying to muddle through under your own steam.

When I’m coaching my clients on their personal impact and presence, it can feel scary for them to receive feedback about highly personal aspects of themselves such as their voice, body language and posture. Watching themselves back on video can be squirmy!

Yet when they are willing to take risks, be vulnerable and try out new methods, the results are transformational.

Leadership is as much about small, everyday acts of personal courage as it is about big, bold initiatives.

What are your secret fears and how are you overcoming them? I’d love to hear.

In recent months I’ve interviewed the CEO of Aston Martin and the Director of Sony Computer Games to find out what they are doing to champion women in their male-dominated sectors.

I’m now putting the spotlight on the construction sector and had the pleasure of interviewing Gillian Charlesworth, Director of Regulatory and Corporate Affairs at RICS, the professional body for surveyors around the world.

She is one of only 2 women on the global senior management team and she’s made it a personal priority to help improve diversity in her sector.

Currently only 13% of surveyors in the UK are women – so there’s a lot of ground to cover!

I was also fascinated to learn that property and land makes up a whopping 70% of global wealth and buildings are responsible for 40% of carbon emissions, so it’s hugely influential.

I asked Gillian what she’s doing to empower women in the sector?

“Here are just 4 examples from the many actions we are taking at RICS:

Firstly, we’ve made it a priority to get more women out there as speakers, panellists and experts – supporting and encouraging them to put themselves forward. To demonstrate our commitment to this our CEO Sean Tompkins has made it a policy that he will not appear on all male panels.

Secondly, we have created forums for women to come together and honestly share their experiences at work in a supportive atmosphere. I find women are very practical and want to focus on solutions to the challenges they face.

We make a point of including men in these events so that we’re enabling constructive conversations between the women and men. For example, it needs to be OK for men to have childcare responsibilities too – they are often penalised harder than women for this.

Thirdly, we’ve introduced an Inclusive Employer Quality Mark for the sector, to which 100 firms have already signed up.

And finally, we’re sponsoring the at the Women of the Future Awards a category for real estate, construction and infrastructure – awards which are dedicated to recognising successful young women in Britain. I’m inspired by the candidates and the leadership qualities I see in them: they are collaborative, share credit, know how to positively influence clients and to lead by example. They are great examples of the type of leadership we need to see throughout the sector.

We’re planning to hold sessions between the winners and their CEOs so they can candidly describe their experiences of working in the sector – this will really help the CEOs to see the value of diversity and the importance of making this a priority from the top.”

Coming back to the bigger picture, I asked how we’d all benefit from more diversity in the sector:

Gillian says: “The construction industry can either be part of the problems of sustainability or part of the solution. More diversity brings about better leadership, less conflict, better buildings and ultimately a healthier environment.”

I’m impressed by Gillian’s vision and her commitment to supporting women and diversity.

Thanks for a great interview and keep up the good work!

]]>http://www.lizrivers.com/2018/01/high-heels-and-hard-hats/feed/01075Are you your own harshest critic?http://www.lizrivers.com/2018/01/are-you-your-own-harshest-critic/
http://www.lizrivers.com/2018/01/are-you-your-own-harshest-critic/#respondMon, 08 Jan 2018 11:51:26 +0000http://www.lizrivers.com/?p=1072I remember when I was learning to be a mediator my mentor, Richard, gave me this advice:

“You need to be your own harshest critic and your own best friend”.

My immediate response to this was “I know how to be my own harshest critic!”

And at that point I realised I had no clue how to be my own best friend.

Now that I coach women leaders I see I was not alone in this. I work with women who appear confident and poised on the outside yet inside they are extremely hard on themselves.

Why does this matter? The fact is if all you hear is a constant stream of harsh criticism, then it is difficult to flourish and give of your best. Sadly, the consequence can be that you hesitate over opportunities rather than confidently stepping forward and you end up being passed over as a result.

Here are my tips for getting your inner critic under control:

Pay attention to your internal chatter. Do you have a voice in your head that says: “You were rubbish” or “You’ll never be good enough!” If so, learn how to identify that negative inner voice and hear what it is saying to you. This gives you a choice whether to believe it and let it run the show or to counteract it with a more positive and realistic voice. If someone else spoke to you like that would you let them get away with it?

Accept compliments from others: If someone pays you a genuine compliment – accept it! All too often I see women shrugging off a compliment, yet seizing on criticism and taking it to heart, whether it’s valid or not. A practice I’ve done for years is to keep a file of compliments people have given me. I’ll periodically read it and this gives me a lift and reminds me of all the great things about myself I have forgotten.

Give yourself compliments: Find ways to develop your “inner best friend” muscle. After a session with a client I’ll take a few minutes to write down both what I could have done better and what went well. The positives column is always longer than the ideas for improvement, yet it’s only by writing it down that I can see this. Take time to remind yourself of what you do well and might be taking for granted about yourself.

What tips do you have for developing your “inner best friend”? I’d love to hear them.

]]>http://www.lizrivers.com/2018/01/are-you-your-own-harshest-critic/feed/01072How singing in a choir can make you a better leaderhttp://www.lizrivers.com/2017/12/how-singing-in-a-choir-can-make-you-a-better-leader/
http://www.lizrivers.com/2017/12/how-singing-in-a-choir-can-make-you-a-better-leader/#respondThu, 21 Dec 2017 14:42:11 +0000http://www.lizrivers.com/?p=1068I’ll never forget my choir’s first flash mob. I was sitting in an Italian restaurant on Valentine’s Day, surrounded by romantic couples, with a friend I had tricked into thinking he was just coming out for dinner. Little did he know that the opening bars of Love Shack were my cue to stand up and belt out a medley of love songs to the unsuspecting diners.

His face was a picture as he went through a succession of emotions from total bewilderment, gradual dawning realisation and finally delight as he realised what was going on. For five minutes time stood still as we serenaded the diners and entertained them with our love songs. They were transfixed by our performance and we left the restaurant on a high, thrilled that for a brief moment we had created a connection.

Afterwards I realised how being part of the choir enables me to be braver and bolder than I ever am on my own. I would never normally dare to stand up and sing impromtu to a whole restaurant, and the exhilaration of overcoming my fears is huge.

Here are some of the things I’ve learnt:

Nearly everyone performs better in a choir than they do solo – having the security of other singers around you makes you more confident about singing boldly and helps you find your note. Find a good team to be part of and you’ll do far more than you could ever do on your own.

Performing a flash mob is a “random act of kindness”. The crowd are offered a gift of entertainment they were not expecting, and a chance to pause and share a moment of joy with others, before the performers melt back into the crowd, asking for nothing in return. In business and leadership if you are generous with your time, wisdom and knowledge, sharing it freely, it will come back to you in spades.

Being a choir member is a great opportunity to be a follower. If your day job involves being the leader and making stuff happen, the great thing about a choir is that you just have to turn up, learn the songs and be a good team player. It’s great to practice followership for a change and have the experience of being led.

If you’re looking for a life and leadership enhancing hobby – especially if you’re one of those people who think you can’t sing – then get yourself along to a choir.

]]>http://www.lizrivers.com/2017/12/how-singing-in-a-choir-can-make-you-a-better-leader/feed/01068Is it OK to cry at work?http://www.lizrivers.com/2017/07/is-it-ok-to-cry-at-work/
http://www.lizrivers.com/2017/07/is-it-ok-to-cry-at-work/#respondFri, 21 Jul 2017 15:42:49 +0000http://www.lizrivers.com/?p=1050I was brought up to think that crying at work is completely taboo and I’d lose all credibility if I let my emotions get the better of me. When I was working as a City lawyer in a global law firm sometimes I’d escape to the loo to have a private weep. Indeed, I remember excusing myself from my first appraisal as I realised I was going to cry and didn’t want my bosses to see that I was upset.

Years later I trained as a psychotherapist and spent much time in groups where we were encouraged to let the tears flow as we shared our feelings and life stories and I could see that this was a powerfully healing experience.

All too often, when overwhelmed by strong feelings and unable to hold back the tears, I see people apologising for “being emotional” – seeing tears as a shameful sign of weakness.

In my programmes for women leaders around the world we’ve been having lively discussions about whether it’s OK to cry at work.

“Why not!” I say.

I know that I feel a lot better after a good cry and there is nothing inherently shameful about tears. We are not meant to be robots at work, leaving our humanity at the door as we come into the office.

Women in particular fear being seen as weak or manipulative if we allow tears, yet I think that many men would welcome the opportunity to express their vulnerability in this way too. Women often find it easier than men to access their tears, so you can show leadership by letting your tears flow and being OK about it when others cry. I’m not suggesting you bawl your eyes out in the boardroom every week, but if from time to time you feel genuinely tearful then experiment with letting this show.

We have made so many strides in the diversity area – gender, race, LGBT, disability, taboos around mental health – is it time for tears to come out of the closet too?

Let me know what you think!

]]>http://www.lizrivers.com/2017/07/is-it-ok-to-cry-at-work/feed/01050Opportunity Dances With Those on the Dance Floorhttp://www.lizrivers.com/2017/02/opportunity-dances-with-those-on-the-dance-floor/
http://www.lizrivers.com/2017/02/opportunity-dances-with-those-on-the-dance-floor/#respondMon, 06 Feb 2017 12:45:44 +0000http://www.lizrivers.com/?p=1021Liz Rivers, who specialises in coaching women, describes how you can help your women clients to become confident risk-takers.

An article published in Coaching Perspectives, The Association for Coaching global magazine, Issue 12, January 2017

According to Harvard Business Review women when under pressure become more risk-averse than usual, whereas men will increase their risk-taking.

If it’s true that women are more cautious and risk-averse than men in stressful situations, does this make them less effective as leaders? And what are the implications for coaches working with women?

]]>http://www.lizrivers.com/2017/02/opportunity-dances-with-those-on-the-dance-floor/feed/01021Women and Leadership: How to be More Like Michelle (Obama) and Less Like Donaldhttp://www.lizrivers.com/2016/12/women-and-leadership-how-to-be-more-like-michelle-obama-and-less-like-donald/
http://www.lizrivers.com/2016/12/women-and-leadership-how-to-be-more-like-michelle-obama-and-less-like-donald/#respondTue, 20 Dec 2016 09:45:38 +0000http://www.lizrivers.com/?p=1014I’ve always admired Michelle Obama for her combination of warmth, intelligence, groundedness and courage.

If you love her too the good news is that you can channel your Inner Michelle to be an influential woman and make a positive difference.

I speak and coach all over Europe and the UK and here’s something I see all the time: women are frequently uncomfortable with being seen as powerful, preferring to keep their heads down, do good work and focus on keeping others happy.

Maybe you’ve seen powerful people who have misused their power and become bullies, or people who have spoken out courageously and been sidelined as a consequence, so you’ve decided not to stick your head above the parapet.

Yet if you retreat from your own influence and ability to make a difference, this creates a vacuum that a bully can occupy.

Otto Scharmer of MIT wrote a powerful piece for the Huffington Post about the rise of Donald Trump and how the only person who challenged him effectively during his campaign was Michelle Obama because she spoke in an open-hearted, human way about the impact of his behaviour and values on her and others. In fact, she was so effective that the Trump campaign decided to stop attacking her as this only amplified the power of her voice.

I believe one of the lessons of the US election is that we have to stop looking to our political leaders to rescue us and instead step up and show leadership in our workplaces and lives.

You’re probably not a leader on the global stage, yet investing some time in looking at how you can best influence your environment for the better and live your values is time well spent.

When I was a young litigation lawyer back in the early 90s I felt frustrated and disillusioned with the adversarial process. I started to seek out alternatives – as much for my own sanity as anything. I found out about the new field of mediation, begged my firm to let me train as a mediator, started to give talks about it (up till then I’d been terrified of public speaking), persuaded my firm’s litigation department to rename itself “Commercial Dispute Resolution”, trained others as mediators and ultimately left law to be a mediator.

In the process, I had to live with lots of ridicule and being seen as a “tree hugger” and not a credible litigator, but in the end I feel I made a difference to my corner of the world. And I still do.

So please ask yourself…

Where do you have the scope to make a difference?

Where do you need to expand your comfort zone to create a change you want to see?

What could you do if you felt more powerful?

Often the easiest way to get clear about this is to take time out with like-minded and inspiring women.

]]>http://www.lizrivers.com/2016/12/women-and-leadership-how-to-be-more-like-michelle-obama-and-less-like-donald/feed/01014How Aston Martin are putting women at the heart of their business strategy – interview with CEO Andy Palmerhttp://www.lizrivers.com/2016/12/how-aston-martin-are-putting-women-at-the-heart-of-their-business-strategy-interview-with-ceo-andy-palmer/
http://www.lizrivers.com/2016/12/how-aston-martin-are-putting-women-at-the-heart-of-their-business-strategy-interview-with-ceo-andy-palmer/#respondFri, 16 Dec 2016 11:13:25 +0000http://www.lizrivers.com/?p=1011I was recently invited to be on the judging panel for the Miranda Brawn Diversity Leadership Award alongside Andy Palmer, CEO of Aston Martin. I was impressed by what he told me about how Aston Martin are making women central to their strategy and asked if I could interview him for my readers. I was delighted when he said yes and we spent a fascinating half an hour together last week delving into this subject.

Aston Martin has adopted a very progressive attitude towards women buyers. They have recruited an all female advisory board to guide them on how to design a model that will appeal to women and their new DBX model is the result (it has 4 doors rather than 2, room for kids in the back and enough space to carry luggage to the airport).

They are also bringing out an electric model too, as women are typically more influenced by environmental factors when buying a car.

This iconic brand has discovered that focusing on women customers makes good business sense for a number of reasons. As Andy says:

“Firstly, although women don’t tend to buy luxury cars themselves, they are consulted on 70% of purchases so they have the power to give the thumbs up or down.

“Secondly, the biggest area of growth in high net worth individuals is women – especially in China – so it makes good business sense to design cars that appeal to them.

“When it comes to buying cars, women will encourage their male partners to reward themselves by buying a luxury car but are less likely to do this for themselves. We want women to feel that these cars are for them too, and they can enjoy them in their own right rather than just via their partners.”

Aston Martin is showing the way by treating its female customers with respect and putting their needs and aspirations at the heart of their design process.