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Sex toys? ISIS? It’s easy to see how CNN got mixed up: Menon

Google those last seven words and soon you’ll be clicking through jokey lists with headlines such as, “25 Hilarious Things That Look Exactly The Same.” Justin Timberlake’s hair is a pack of Ramen noodles. Nicki Minaj is a dead ringer for a troll doll. There are dogs that resemble Vladimir Putin, cats that scream Adolf Hitler.

Of course, just because two things look the same does not mean they are the same.

Perception, context and common sense help us navigate the world and prevent hungry college students from accidentally boiling Timberlake’s head. If you’re in the Atacama Desert and see a large green object with protruding needles, chances are this is a cactus and not the Incredible Hulk getting acupuncture.

So the short answer to today’s question is: “Because they did not use perception, context and common sense.” And the question is: “How on Earth did CNN mistake a sex toy flag for the ISIS flag?”

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It happened on Saturday when two graphics suddenly flashed onscreen, an “EXCLUSIVE” in the top right hand corner and a “JUST IN” down below. A third graphic spelled it out: “ISIS FLAG SPOTTED AT GAY PRIDE PARADE.”

CNN went full steam ahead with its assumptions about a flag seen at the London pride parade.

Anchor Suzanne Malveauxwarned viewers of “an unnerving sight” in London. Then international editor Lucy Pawle phoned in with her eyewitness account.

“Yes, I was just leaving work and I came across the gay pride march, an annual event in London where tens of thousands of people march through London,” said Pawle, as if explaining laminate flooring to carpenters. “It’s a very jovial, lighthearted atmosphere, a very happy atmosphere.”

Note the set-up in mood: this is an upbeat event, but something sinister just might happen. Pawle continued, telling Malveaux she was trying to cross Regent St. when ...

“ ... all of a sudden this man, quite distinctive from the rest of the crowd — he was dressed in black and white, whereas everyone else was brightly coloured — this man dressed in black and white was waving what appears to be a very bad mimicry, but a clear attempt to mimic the ISIS flag.”

At this point, a few thought-bubbles should have burst inside the CNN studios. Producers might have wondered why ISIS, a terrorist group that believes homosexuality is punishable by death, is flying their flag at gay pride. Isn’t this like spotting an Amnesty International crest at a Death To All Infidels rally?

Producers might have also listened to what Pawle was actually saying, including, “I seem to be the only person who has spotted this,” “nobody seems to be raising any questions” and “if you look at the flag closely, it’s clearly not Arabic — in fact, it looks like it could be gobbledygook.”

Yes, that must be it. Gobbledygook. So not only has ISIS reversed its barbaric stance on homosexuality, it has now decided to communicate in gibberish. Here is the new ISIS position on Western music: “If Lady Gaga you to listen buy we will of goats lots you.”

Not only did CNN devote close to seven minutes on this asinine “exclusive,” the network also called upon security analyst Peter Bergen. You know, just in case he was privy to classified documents on how ISIS was planning to seduce the world with new-found tolerance and the promotion of marital aids. I can almost picture the poor guy squinting at his monitor and thinking: “By George, I do believe those are vibrators.”

Now, look. We all make mistakes. It’s possible two recent events — the Supreme Court’s legalization of gay marriage in the U.S. and an unrelated wave of international terrorist attacks — somehow conflated and led to temporary insanity at CNN. But it’s also possible the struggling cable network fell victim to its own alarmist instincts and rushed to believe news that was plainly unbelievable. In its ongoing quest for “scoops,” in its zeal to be first while terrifying viewers with irresponsible haste, it offered up a putrid sundae sprinkled with delicious stupidity.

ISIS will never march in gay pride. Sometimes a sex toy is just a sex toy. Any further investigation will only result in gobbledygook on live TV.

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