She says her diet still includes roast pork, lard cracklings and sweets.

***

If you can’t beat him, curse him.

A Cleveland radio talk host brought in a witch doctor yesterday to put a hex on Miami Heat star LeBron James as payback for his defection from the Cavaliers.

The host, known as “Rover,” asked his listeners to channel negative energy toward James during the ceremony, hoping it would result in, “at the very least, a sordid sexual-misconduct allegation” against the basketball superstar.

***

Talk about being peed off.

A 21-year-old man in Williston, ND, was busted after whipping out his gun and firing a bullet pointblank into an innocent urinal at a local bar.

It’s not clear what his beef was against the plumbing fixture.

***

The ace detectives on the Sharpes, Fla., bomb squad got their first clue that a suspicious-looking package outside a Social Security office had not been left by terrorists — when, instead of ticking, they heard meowing.

After scanning the package with X-rays, deputies gingerly opened it, and found two ginger kittens.

Capt. Scott Carson, a master of understatement, said, “It’s better to drop off a package like that at the Humane Society.

***

Russia’s elite won’t be spending eternity with the proletarians.

Moscow is getting a new cemetery reserved for those “who have made a meaningful contribution to the humanitarian sphere, or to culture, science or society.”