“how did you get your scars?”

how do you explain that to someone who can’t possibly understand? that shit gets so loud and crazy, and the only way to make it stop is to hurt yourself. because sometimes voices will tell you that you must. and because other times you choose to, just to distract yourself from all the noise. how do you explain that hurting yourself is your only way to be calm?

he wouldn’t get it.

SHE doesn’t even get it, “but why must you do it? what if you don’t?”

“i CAN’T not.”

“but why?”

“it terrifies me to even think about it. they can kill me. don’t you understand?”

“only if you let them. so what if you don’t?”

then i spend a lifetime being tortured. that’s what. and i end up completely losing my mind and killing myself just to get away from it all. that’s what.