MAs have been marketed for years using 'self-confidence' as a hook and where I am right now in life, I could do with lots of it. But I wanted to ask if anyone had personally improved their's? If so, was the increase due to the MA globally or just a specific part of the training/competing? Or is it just hyperbole?

FYI: I'm asking as I'm getting the judo urge again and am trying to pluck up the courage to phone (no email or website, aargh!) but quite separately, a conversation with my therapist yesterday highlighted how low my self-confidence has become and how I appear to others as extremely shy and sometimes even slightly hostile as I try to avoid uncomfortable questions (I was astounded as this wasn't the 'me' in my head).

I'm officially seriously depressed but meds are (currently) allowing me to train in the gym, run and do Pilates and yoga as it doesn't require much brain power and its the closest thing to enjoyment I feel right now.

If it has improved your confidence, would this be due to something inherent in your MA or also found in other sports generally?

I would have to say that yes, martial arts training has greatly increased my confidence levels and has given me the tools necessary to combat depression and anxiety.

I guess it all depends on what you mean by "confidence" too. If you mean do I walk around thinking I'm the **** and I can kick anybody's arse in the room? Well...it depends which room ;)

Confidence for me means the ability to look people in the eye when I'm talking to them. Its in the ability to fail to give a **** about things that really should not matter, because I can let these things go gracefully and gratefully. It is the ability to believe in myself in a variety of situations.

I can do this because I developed the ability to turn down the other voices that create so much static around your thinking, and by proving them wrong again and again through my own actions in training. "You can't do that. You can't take that kind of beating. You aren't as strong as that guy. You're going to fail."

So you step up and do it. Gradually it becomes easier to say "Yes I can. **** you I can. I don't give a ****. No I'm not so **** you!" Soon you find that you have to tell yourself less and less. This only came through putting myself in situations where I couldn't control the result, but I had to try like hell and fight with everything I had. Get beaten to a pulp and stand back up again. And again. Like that scene in fight club; you have to let go of the steering wheel.

I think its' important to believe in what you are doing. I also think that by doing something that challenges you every time you step on the mat, you start to work a little alchemy in your brain.

Train at something that challenges you to the point where you are regularly questioning your ability to make it through the session. Train to the point where the outside world falls away and your perspective changes so that when you walk back into the "world" you start to look at it a bit differently to when you started the day. I used to love going to a camp and disappearing into my karate for a weekend; coming home bruised and battered from a grading and some hard training. Whatever had been bugging me during the week I would laugh at when I got back home.

Soon enough that kind of mentality started to creep into my every day life more and more and become more second nature as I went about my life outside of Kyokushin.

Personally I think training BJJ only improves your skills at BJJ, if you walked into the gym as a misanthrope and stuck around long enough (granting people continued to train with you) you will leave as a misanthrope with better guard passing skills, I often hear people describe their BJJ experience as something they do to augment other areas of their life or personality, I've never seen it this way, I enjoy BJJ for it's own sake and do not expect it to change me in others ways, in fact I think it cheapens the art when people refer to it as somehow being akin to "chess" or as a motivator to make changes in your life. BJJ is fine all on its own, and the idea of using tag lines to describe it never do it any justice. It stands alone, nothing else is like it. Unique just like everything else...

MAs have been marketed for years using 'self-confidence' as a hook and where I am right now in life, I could do with lots of it. But I wanted to ask if anyone had personally improved their's? If so, was the increase due to the MA globally or just a specific part of the training/competing? Or is it just hyperbole?

FYI: I'm asking as I'm getting the judo urge again and am trying to pluck up the courage to phone (no email or website, aargh!) but quite separately, a conversation with my therapist yesterday highlighted how low my self-confidence has become and how I appear to others as extremely shy and sometimes even slightly hostile as I try to avoid uncomfortable questions (I was astounded as this wasn't the 'me' in my head).

I'm officially seriously depressed but meds are (currently) allowing me to train in the gym, run and do Pilates and yoga as it doesn't require much brain power and its the closest thing to enjoyment I feel right now.

If it has improved your confidence, would this be due to something inherent in your MA or also found in other sports generally?

It has helped mine in my opinion but I'm not suggesting Judo is the answer for you. Judo comes naturally for me. I'm not suggesting I'm something special in Judo but progress and improvement came easier for me than for many others. As a result my confidence grew. I used to be an introvert in life but an extrovert in the dojo. I have learned to bring the person I am inside of the dojo to other areas in my life outside the dojo and I am a better person for it.

All that said, if I actually had measurable talent in basketball (my real dream) I suspect I would have been an extrovert on the court. In my view self-confidence isn't limited to martial arts. If you persue something in life that offers you to learn a particular skill your confidence in that skill and life will grow. That could be in Judo, basketball, cooking, knitting, sufing, or whatever.

I know how you feel. I've been where you are and I was there for 20 years.

I'm quite a shy fellow myself, least in person. Well, not quite shy, guess it just takes me a while to open up to people and the such. Though with martial arts, cause you train with a group of people with a common goal and interest and it's also sharing a fairly (for lack of a better word) intimate experience given that they are actively fighting you/sparring with you. Guess it gives you the opportunity for plenty of small talk and the such.

With regular visits, you'll begin to know each other a fair bit and perhaps make some good new friends on the way. Which in turn can help you in being more social with others.

Then you've got the whole fitness thing going on with it, feeling yourself getting faster, stronger and as time goes on, feeling more experienced. The feeling that comes from knowing that if anything goes wrong, you could judo throw the guy is probably a good ego boost and should help your confidence as long as you don't let it go to your head ;)

Not to mention it fetches up something interesting about yourself that you can include in conversation :)

I posted this on our dojo's facebook page last week, about martial arts and self confidence. it seems appropriate, if a bit long winded. I was having a soapbox day.

So I was talking with another judoka last night about the upcoming tournament, and he told me that he has heard several people say they don't want to compete because they're afraid they'll lose and it will shake their self confidence. And one of the reasons people do martial arts is supposedly to build their self-confidence, right? So we talked about it some until Sensei hauled him in to help out with the kids, and I kept thinking about it.

Yes, doing martial arts can help your self-confidence, but honestly, IMHO going to class is the smallest part of that. Yes, you do acquire skills and conditioning in class (although if you're serious you'd better be working out elsewhere too.). But if you're afraid to test them then you don't have self-confidence, all you have is a high opinion of yourself with nothing to back it up.

You acquire self-confidence by pushing through when it gets hard, by doing things that make you uncomfortable, and by failing and picking yourself up again. You probably will lose at your first tournament--and even your second and third. So what? I've lost some of the best fights I ever had--and I am competitive as hell. I don't like to lose. But there is absolutely no shame in losing. (Unless you throw a temper tantrum. Then you SHOULD be ashamed--of the temper tantrum.) There IS lots to learn.

Judo is damn hard. It requires a huge amount of mental and physical toughness, and I'm not even talking about mastering techniques yet! It is a superb tool to build self-confidence, but you don't get it by tossing people around and winning matches. You get it by getting up and going back every damn time you get thrown in randori or shiai. You get it by refusing to quit no matter how exhausted and frustrated you are, and even if you're hurt showing up to class to watch and learn and do what you can.

Real confidence will come when you realize that it's not about whether you get tossed and lose. There's always gonna be somebody out there better than you. It's about always getting up and going back with a good attitude. THAT will always be under your control, and it will earn you real respect. Pushing through hell builds confidence. When I tested for my nidan in Neko-Ryu it was a brutally simple test. Moose tossed me out there to spar, and threw a rotating array of fresh opponents at me. They were all bigger, stronger, and better than I was. "Win" was not on the menu here. With about a 3 minute break to stand still and get whaled on with a shinai, this went on for about 40 min. By the end I was so exhausted I was crying and having trouble staying on my feet. Every time I lost my balance at all I went down--and was promptly yelled at from the sidelines to get the hell back UP!!!!! No shame in falling. Just get back up. I was wishing I would puke because then it would be over.....
Let me tell you, that helped build some confidence. It was ugly, and brutal, and I'm just as glad not a lot of people were there, but I know that if I could survive that not much will faze me.

If competing scares you, you win as soon as you step out on the mat no matter what the outcome of the match. You'll come off knowing you got thru it, and you can get through it again, and one day you'll walk off the winner. And that is worth any amount of sweat, gi burn, bruises, sore muscles, tears, and frustration, and nothing will take it away.

Martial arts has changed my life more than any other single activity or program I've participated in. I would say yes, but like anything else, you get out of it what you put into it. If you show up a couple of times a week and stay for a forty minute class each time, you will improve more slowly than if you have two hour classes or show up all the time.

The self-confidence I'm describing doesn't come from being able to beat people up or anything like that, but it does have its roots in the combative nature of martial arts. A martial art is something that should be done seriously, if at all. They don't give you time to worry about what it means if you try your hardest and fail - it is honestly difficult to NOT try your hardest while in a quality program. That is enormously liberating and enormously fulfilling.

I could write pages on this but 2 keep it short 1) if you are depressed, _do_ exercise - there is lots of research backing that up - search for examples of duration etc. and 2) it seems for the OP a ma wouldn't necessary be better than many other activities but since she's interested in Judo, go for it! .. a key I've realized is being proud of somethng _anything_ - remember the brain sucks at keeping attention on multiple things at the same time. Be proud about your nose picking abilities, be proud about your ability 2 evade doggy doo on the sidewalk, be pround about being able to produce a nice sound when you step in said doo.

I found martial arts have improved several areas of my life. Confidence is only one of them. On the confidence area, I never realized how fearful I was around other humans. Now that I can defend myself, I'm more open and engaged in communications. Funniest part is, nobody ever intended harm in the first place. Maybe, I can say my perception of situation has improved.