Friday Food Funnies: Bread

Do you know on this one block in New York you can buy croissants in five different places? There's one store called Bonjour Croissant. It makes me want to go to Paris and open a store called Hello Toast. ~Fran Lebowitz

Sixteen years ago, a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered this bakery and confronted the baker with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it. He offered to provide her with free loaves of bread until the boy was 16. She agreed. He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the bread each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow." "I know," said the baker with a smile. "I've been counting too. Tell your mother, when you take this loaf of bread home, that it is the last loaf of bread she'll get, and watch the expression on her face." When the boy arrived home, he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the baker and tell him I have also had free meat, free milk, and free health care for the past 16 years, and watch the expression on his face!" ~Unknown

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? ~Steven Wright

Children were lined up for lunch in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school. At the head of the table was a large tray of bread slices. The nun posted a sign on the bread tray: "Take only one. God is watching." Further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table, was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another: "Take all you want. God is watching the bread." ~Unknown

Miami New Times' restaurant reviewer for the past decade, and the world's indisputable master of disguise.