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Monday, September 3, 2007

While running around the garage, my three year old asked, "Mom, do you need fire to build a toilet?" I was too scared to ask him what he meant by that.

When I tucked this same son into bed this evening, I felt something odd under his pillow. I found this.Yep, that's a door knob. And why wouldn't any normal 3 year old have a door knob under his pillow. Perhaps he thinks the door knob fairy will come and fix the gaping hole in the bathroom door that was left when his sister removed the door knob. See this post.

I can't complain about my husband not fixing the door because he spent this weekend fixing my van. In fact, he was so proud of that fact, that when he finished, he stood up, took a bow and reveled in the imaginary chanting he heard - Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Then he promptly turned to me and asked, "Are you going to write in your blog and tell everyone that I fixed your car?":) Gotta love him. I had to love him when he woke me up this morning to say, "You made the front page of the newspaper!"

I made some sort of grunt in response (again, I'm not a morning person.)

"OK, sorry. Go back to sleep. I didn't mean to wake you up."

He didn't mean to wake me up? Yes, I can see where he was trying to let me sleep by nudging my shoulder and thrusting a newspaper in my face while exclaiming that I was on the front page. Hee hee He's so proud.

I didn't get a chance to go back to sleep because Good Morning America called. At first I thought I was probably mistaken and it wasn't THE Good Morning America, but some guy who does a cable show from his basement called Good Morning Americans. Why would THE Good Morning America want to interview me, right? But it was indeed THE actual Good Morning America show. That call was followed by CNN, FOX, CBS, WGN, WMAQ, ABCDEFG, and XYZ.

Because of all this attention, my oldest son, smart aleck that he is, told me he couldn't complete his writing assignment for school because it would never live up to his 'famous author mom's' expectations."Nice try, bud. Get cracking."

Seriously though, he had to pick a picture of someone and write a descriptive paragraph about the person in the picture. He chose his baby sister. I gave him the following advice - try to write a description that paints a picture. The person reading the description should be able to picture your baby sister in their head without seeing a photograph.Sooo, my son described her eyes as looking like pools of mud and her hair like grass that is dying in the hot sun. Great. That's exactly what I had in mind.

I know I haven't written a good story for a couple weeks now, but my life has really been turned upside down and I'm amazed I'm able to form a coherent thought at all these days. Well, there's that and the fact that I want to hold back "the good stuff" for this book I want to finish. Sooo, on that note, I'm off to bed (well, after I make lunches, fold some more laundry, take a shower, write out a check for a field trip, sign some homework, and unload the dishwasher.) I have another interview in the morning. This time it's with Spike O'Dell on WGN news for any Chicagoans out there.

P.S. A few of you asked about the baseball auction. It's in my archives here. Wow reading that again, my kids sound absolutely awful. I swear they really are pretty good kids. They are disciplined when they choose not to obey or when they make poor choices, but oftentimes I think they get into stuff not because they're being "bad", but because they're kids and kids learn through experimenting, and getting into stuff. They want to answer those questions - 'what will happen if I do this? I wonder if Mom's cell phone will float? Can this be flushed down the toilet? What does glue taste like?' Plus, I do take a bit of poetic license when writing. ;)

125 comments:

Anonymous
said...

Yahoo for getting your van up and running (good job Joe). Thanks for sharing your stories with us. I enjoy visiting and seeing what you and your family are up to.Hope you are hanging in there with the interviews and busy days.

When a man says, "I'm going to bed," he means, he's going to bed. It takes him less than 5 min to make it to the pillow.

When a woman says, "I'm going to bed," it means she's going to do the dishes from the day, make lunch, lay out clothes for the next day, move some laundry around (maybe fold), check email, blog, let the dogs out, let the dogs in, take a shower, watch some HGTV, THEN lay her head down.

Holy Cow Good morning America!!! Hey do us faithful ones here get autographed books when we buy one???? If I could only get my local newspaper to know I am alive I would be jumping up and down!! Wanna buy in half of my tiny online scrapbook store? You being famous and all maybe I could get it off the ground after all. :) Sweet dreams tonight!! I am like you off to bed now after I finish folding the last load of todays laundry, make school lunches which includes my teacher hubby, put clean sheets on our bed and lay out everyones clothes for tomorrow so the morning is a little less hectic!! Night!! StaceyPS. hey maybe you could just write stories for my blog to get attention for my store!! Heck I got no where with my bald chicken and sun block story!! LOL

Wow! GMA! I'm in awe, I *heart* Diane. I wonder if you'll get to meet her.

On another note, I just wanted to say thanks for linking to Conway's site on your blog. My daughter also has a heart defect and has had surgeries like Conway's, though thank God she hasn't had those kinds of complications. But I know that in times like that you need all the support you can, even if it comes from strangers on the internet. I'm sure his parents are grateful for all the extra prayers coming their way thanks to you. I went and left them a message, and I saw that a couple other people who found the link here did too. So thank you!

Congrats on your "stardom". I'm a stay-at-home mom of three little boys under 4... My life seems so easy compared with yours. WOW! My biggest "scare" question was last winter my 4 year old said that the sled could float... I didn't realize he meant with his 2 year old brother in it on a half thawed lake! It took me a couple seconds to realize what he had said then too! Maybe after all this you can just buy that brand spankin new van we all dream about... of course they all end up the same... covered in crumbs and toys! Keep doing what you do....LOVE IT!

It must be a little boy thing. My 13 yr old, when he was 3 1/2, took the deadbolt off the door and disasembled it. I caught him with the screw driver in one hand and the case of the lock in the other. He looked at me and stated, "You need to fix this, Mom. It's broken"... Thank Heavens my friends hubby was a locksmith and showed me how it went back together.

My younger brother asked my mom once, how long would it take to fill the basement with water. She asked him why he asked that question. His answer. "The hose has been running a long time and it isn't full yet."

I read your complete blog and even though I only have two, well one is 20 so she doesn't count and then the 4 year old. Either way I can so relate to all your stories.. Keep writing and let us know when the book comes out....

I hope that you are writing down the "good" stories that you are saving for your book somewhere. I think the stories you share here are plenty funny enough, but please make sure that you are getting it all down somewhere! I wouldn't want you to forget anything!

Dawn, I SO enjoy your blogs! A friend of mine forwarded your ebay/pokemon story and ever since I've been looking forward daily to your blogs. It's great to hear another moms perspective on things and you have such a great sense of humour along with drawing people in by what you write. I wish you all the best and look forward to continued reading. :D

i just read your ebay story. very, very funny and thoroughly enjoyable. i read some of your other posts and they, too, were enjoyable. i guess i'm not telling you anything new when i say you're a great writer.

why did good morning america call? is it because of your ebay posting? just curious. and i'll be back :)

You are the best! & of course they are well behaved & they wouldn't be kids if they didn't ask those fun questions like:) I wonder if this grape will fit up my nose, or I wonder if I can fly when I jump off the top of the swing set, How about, I wonder if I shove all my food in the drawer under the table mom won't notice; well at least not until it smells like a corpse in the kitchen & mom goes on a treasure hunt! I love those little questions!I'm with you sister, I don't like mornings either. And how exciting all those people want to talk to ya!! I can't wait to see ya on Good Morning America! I hope you'll keep us posted!- Kate

That is funny about the door handle. We had one three year old who hid food under her pillow. I found chips once, grapes another time. She is 12, and I wonder how she is growing at night, because there is no space for her to expand. Around the same time, my husband and I couldn't figure out why there was a blanket on the register in their room under the bed. After moving it a couple of times, we found an egg. Seems the kids took an egg from the fridge, and thought they just might get themselves a pet.

Congratulations on your celebrity. A book deal would be great for you. Enjoy your time in the limelight, being a mom is tough and you should enjoy some fringe benefits.

Applause for Joe! We had a mini-van just like that once. But mine had "racing stripes" courtesy of some masking tape that peeled the paint right off when removed. I'd tell you which one of my kids did that, but my husband gets embarrassed when I tattle on him.

I have 3 kids of my own, and a few strays once in a while. So I love your blog!

Dawn:Had to laugh at thinking your kids sound awful. Oh how many times I have had that same thought when sharing about my own. When people compliment me on how well behaved my children are ( I have even had other parents bragging about my kids to their friends!), I know, at home is where they truly express themselves and that is fine with me!Keep up the great work!

I'm wiping the tears from laughing so hard at the opening statement of your blog today, Dawn. I literally almost fell off the chair! My husband is probably wondering what the maniacal laughing is coming from the living room at this ungodly hour of the morning, but that was hysterically funny. I also loved the part about your husband reveling in the imaginary chanting he was hearing after fixing your van...and then asking if you were going to blog about him. I blogged about something very similar with my own husband a few days ago when he put a radiator in our car and it finally passed smog. All I can say is, "Who needs a knight in shining armor...give me a good husband that will keep the paid off family car limping along for another year anyday." As I said about my owb husband Jeff, I'd like to say to your husband as well, "You Da Man!"Love the blog, Dawn. Keep writin', I'll keep reading. Can't wait for your book! God Bless you and your family!

Well your Pokemon cards auction link made it to Australia and of course I then had to check out your blog. Haven't laughed so hard for ages, I thought raising/taking 3 kiddos shopping was bad enough!! Keep on blogging and I'll watch out for your books, you'll be a sensation!

Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe!!!! How sweet of him to fix the car so u can get around again.. :DI so enjoy reading about your lives.. It always make me smile when my google reader tells me that you have posted something new.. :DMy kid don't hide doorknobs.. Instead she hid her dummys (pacifier or whatever u call them) in an old bag of mine.. All of them!! So getting her off that habbit was pretty easy.. They were simply just gone.. :D

Good luck on all your interviews.. Don't know how u manage to keep up, and what a change of life for just one ebay ad huh? .. LOL

"...because they're kids and kids learn through experimenting, and getting into stuff..."

I am SO glad as a mom you realize this! (of course, after 6, how could you not?) It's really fun to watch their face when they get an answer to their (sometimes destructive) question :) Keep up the good work!

Good morning! Your kids don't sound bad at all, they sound like wonderful, fun kids! Mine pull the same kind of stuff, but on a slightly younger scale. When my son was almost 4, he cut my almost-3-yo daughter's hair, and we had to almost shave her head and start over because it was so bad. Hello, Mia Farrow!

My son had his tonsils & adenoids out 6 months ago because of multiple infections and huge sleep issues, and it made the biggest difference!! He's like a new person ... who knew a full night's sleep could make a little boy so pleasant?

I love your blog. You are talented, funny, smart and don't worry your kids come off as normal great kids.

Seriously though, life changing events are STRESSFUL, even if they are wonderful. You are on the dawn of such an event. Get help if you need it. (Like GOOD financial advice).

Also, be careful about who you "complain" to. You do need someone. But as an old boss of mine who advised lottery winners used to say to them "Winning the lotery is stressful and overwhelming... But never, ever tell that to anyone other than another winner. No one else will have any real sympathy and they will just resent you for saying it."

Wow! National news shows! I agree with prior comment about waiting for Kelly, she seems too fun. But Matt and Meredith would be fun, too. Maybe you can get a guest spot on Grey's Anatomy as a mom coming in with something glued to his/herself or something of that nature. :)

You have to take poetic license, that is part of being a writer. You have a great voice, something that hits a spot with thousands of blog readers, imagine how many you will touch with your book (especially if you can get on Oprah with that book, she makes books sell millions!)

good luck and don't forget to warn us a day or so in advance so we can tivo the news shows you are on. (actually WATCH the morning news when it airs, while trying to get 5 kids ready for the day? yea, right)

Good Morning, Dawn. First, kudos on your new found success. Since I get the feeling you are a tad overwhelmed (ah-hem) I waited until your comment count was low enough that I might actually get to make contact. I have been following your story for about a week now and I am very much enjoying it. I have only one child and that was enough for me. I have yet to tell the story behind that decision. Perhaps, I will post on it today. (My boy is now almost 17, and trust me, his antics still make for great material. It doesn't go away, it just evolves.) I will email you a link shortly that takes you to a few stories I have told on him. "Never Give a Teen a Crash Course in Driving" and "Road Signs" are both just hilarious. Anyway, I can't imagine the energy and patience that you must muster each day. I honestly don't know how you do it. I barely survived one kid. But no matter how grown up he gets, I never run out of material. It never goes away, it just evolves.

I knew GMA would catch on eventually ... they always do. I have been waiting for that to happen & I will be watching.

Also, I LOVED today's post. We want to know all about Joe. He sounds like a wonderful man. Husbands make some of the best material and you proved that with today's post. I am endeared to him already. I loved how he asked about whether you would blog about him ... LOL. And then to wake you to tell you that he didn't mean to wake you up. He is so excited for you. That is just adorable. Dads really are just big ol' babies, aren't they? Yes you gotta love 'em. Well, I will let you get back to your 24/7 job. Take care and I will email you a link soon. Peg

I know you probably don't get a lot of chance to read comments but I wanted to say a great big thanks. I have been going through some very hard times in my life and have become quite depressed as I have so desperatley wanted to have children but for financial reasons and my families oponions I have held off starting a family last night I made the decision to start trying, I have always wanted 12 (mad I hear you cry) and at nearly 27 I was worrying I would never start, I only hope to be half as good mother as you clearly are.Congrats to you, your children husband and all the dear mothers out there.karaxx

I love your writing, it really is terrific. The Pokemon eBay auction link ended up in my e-mail a couple of weeks ago, and I just found your blog yesterday. As the mother of a two month old, I'm starting to relate to your stories, even with only one child!

Keep up the good work--I'm so happy for you that you are experiencing good fortune and I hope it continues for a long time.

We totally understand! We all have good kids that like to experiment. My son is the type that is impulsive. From locking himself into a 5th wheel with the keys to driving my van across the street while the van was NOT running to climbing over 20' up a tree and not knowing how to get down. And he is only 7 now. I'm looking foreward to the next 10+ years. :-)

I have so truly enjoyed reading about your family adventures (mother of a 1 year old and 3.5 year old, and sometimes I'm amazed how short-tempered I can be with just those 2! I couldn't imagine 6!) I for one am totally fine with you just answering folks questions (and those responses are just hilarious!) ... save the good stuff for the book! I'm sure you will let us know when the book is published - I've GOT to get one! Hopefully we can buy it from Amazon (in eReader format) - it's easier to read an un-soiled book via electronic means than one with torn pages, old choc milk on the pages, or even better - Mater stickers on the pages. Many blessings to all of you ... thank you for adding a bit of bright reading to my life! Best wishes to all your future endeavours!

If any fools comment on your discipline or say that your kids must be horrible, just tell them to squeeze 6 kids out their hooha, take care of them for about 13 years, then get back to you with all the advice they gather about raising 6 little angels. That ought to shut them up quick!

I was really hoping you had a great story about getting the half a double super absorbant roll of toilet paper out of the toilet witout calling the plumber.... but I guess setting it on fire wouldnt be a safe thought!Hope you get some rest, let us know when you'll be on GMA! Gonna have to set the TiVo (cuz lord knows I'm not watching TV at that time)Keep up the awesome work.

You are awesome! I was looking forward to cleaning up my house this weekend because of the extra day home from work. I managed to get some stuff accomplished. I still have a pile of laundry on my couch that I need to finish. I came in to work today and I HAD to browse through your blog. I don't know how you do it with your kids, your book you are writing, and your new found fame. I LOVE reading your stories :-)

My name is Ranae. One of my friends shared your stories with me and I got a kick out of them. For the reason being, that I myself am one of six children. Now, 27 years old, I can remember us doing the same things to my mother. I think it is hilarious. Not for you of course, but reading your stories brings my childhood days back to life. I'm getting married this Saturday, Sept. 8 and I really needed something to bring back some memories. You did just that Dawn. For the first time in my life I will be moving away from my family, which is going to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. My family is sooo close. All of the kids are 17-19 months apart. My parents didn't want a break I guess. Anyway, I'm glad that I will know where I can go to have a good laugh and to remember the great times I've had with my brothers and sisters, by reading your wonderful stories. I think your doing a great job and maybe you should meet my mom. Now she's working on grandchildren!!! Take care, Dawn.

Yah! Good Morning America AND for the first time you don't even seem surprised. I think your new found fame might be growing on you. Kudos to you!

P.S. Kelly Ripa does seem fun! But hold out, heck, I'd do them all! Hey! Maybe you'll make enough to hire a nanny! j/k (then you wouldn't have anything to write about)Oh, and I KNEW you had to take some poetic license but even with that, your kids are hilarious just hilarious. Unlike most people, your stories make me WANT to have six. You just make it sound so FUN. :) I have two now; what's a few more?!? ;)

Thank you so much for your blog. I have now spent/wasted my first hour at work reading, laughing so hard I'm crying. As the mother of two boys, I can relate to much, if not all, your tribulations. Keep up the good work!

You said, "I know I haven't written a good story for a couple weeks now,..." -- Seriously, you have got to be kidding. All the stuff you wrote around that was a great story! Congratulations to Joe! Way to go man. Keep up the great writing. We'll keep reading.http://www.LarryEiss.com

Dawn, Although I do not have any bio kids of my own, I am the stepmom of 3 and step step mom of one...Yes, I said step step mom..Thats what my stepkids stepbrother calles me. That is not counting the numerous kids around the neighborhood, who, for some strange reason only known to them, call me mom. Anyway, I have a point. Somewhere..I think....Oh well, just lost it! I love reading your blogs! By the way, did you know that children can and will eat potato chips while taking a bath, although the chips are soggy after "washing" them? LOL

Yeh, I can picture that beautiful baby girl o' yours. Eyss like mud pools and hair of green dying in the hot sun.

We homeschool and one time when I asked my then-4th grader to read the biblical acouunt of how Abraam left his homeland with a few animals and traveled to a new land that God told him about. Then I asked him to rewrite it in his own words.

Well, he was at that age when boys love to use "bad words." He was covering his paper with both arms, and his shoulders were shaking from holding in his self-amusement.

Your daily posts are so entertaining. You have such a wry wit about you that plain ol' life takes on a new spin and makes us look at OUR lives with new eyes. That's a special gift. So don't worry about posting a great story. Life is good enough!

Oh my goodness! I just read the Chicago tribune interview. I'm so excited for you! I have been following you since late Aug. and I think that the way you write makes people feel like you are one of their close friends. Its amazing how all this has turned your life around. May godbless you and be in everything that you do. love,a stay at home mother of 4

Being the youngest of 5 myself, I can relate to many of the stories your have written on your kids so far. The sibling closest to me in age is 7 years older than I am. I can recall a time when I was prolly 4 or 5 years old and we wanted my mom to have her own fur coat. Growing up in the country hills in Montana, we decided we would provide her the best fur coat possible. GOPHER FUR, that is! After attacking the gopher homes out in the acres of land in front of our house, we ended up with nearly 80 skins. My brother scared them, I killed them. Nice of teh brother to allow the kid sister to do the dirty work. We then needed to skin the critters & lay them out to dry before we would sew the coat. Mom went to do laundry the following day & found the laudry room to be MOVING. It was a sea of maggots. Who would have known!She never did get her gopher skin fur coat. Poor mom.

Your blog is pretty darn funny. I have three young children and can understand. I do have a blog, although it isnt as witty as your blog! Thank you for sharing it with us. Good luck with your future books! Is it ok if I add your blog to mine?

Congrats!! I jumped in my seat when I read that you got all those interview offers. This is so exciting and I don't even know you!! My husband wanted me to tell you to check out Amazon.com associate program. He is a blog writer for www.geekdad.com and everytime he writes he references things that can be purchased on amazon. When someone clicks thru his link and then purchases something he get a cut. He has made a few hundred bucks!!

Thank you for your blog. It makes my kids seem normal!! Its nice to know that all kids are created equal. I love relating with other moms through blogs, it makes me happy knowing other moms are loving and taking care of their kids doing the best we know how each day! Good luck to you and your kids :)

Have you written a book yet? Cause you ought to. I'd buy it! You're absolutely friggin hilarious. I sweat with 2 kids and you're postings make me feel a little lighter about being a mom and I usually go away not worrying about the small things. Cause it's the joy of being a mom that counts right? (I hear you laughing).

I'm a mom to one 15-month-old, so I'm just getting started. You have taught me that it's OK not to be uptight about mothering. It's so easy to get caught up in wanting everything to be PERFECT. You truly are an inspiration to all of us new mothers out there. You are insanely funny and heart-warming. The way you talk of your chaos makes me want to move in. Surely you can find a little room for one more, right? I'll even help with the dishes. Keep it up!!!

I just have to say that I love your wit and wonder how you keep it "together"! I only have a 3 year old boy and that's enough for me for now. But I did grow up with 1 sister, 1/2 bother and a 1/2 sister and when my parant divorced and Dad re-married,4 step brothers were added to the bunch.

I'm a SAHM and Artist. Someone sent me your grocery store adventure.So I (hope you don't mind) posted about you this morning on my blog and added you as a favorite!

You're awesome. I'm not even a mom (probably won't ever be, as I'm a guy).

Somehow I found my way to your pokemon auction and just loved. I think you'll make it big as a "Slice-o-life" kind of writer. You could just compile the writing that you've already completed and shared here-- the job is done!

And I can tell you love your kids-- thanks for that too. That's six more people growing to love in turn and to help keep the world intact. Maybe you have negotiated world peace in your own way. Let's have it be so, ok?

I love reading your blog just started though after the Pokemon link for ebay was sent to one of our groups here in Australia! Thank you for putting a spin on what motherhood is really like! Love you to bits keep up the good work!

Hey Dawn, congrats on all the fame...it has to be awesome! I've just been "lurking" on your site for weeks snow, since I saw the Pokemon eBay post, and must say, have been SO entertained! You have, through your excellent writing style, brought me to peals of laughter and streaming tears, then back to laughter again through the tears. I remember so many stories as well, since I am a mother of 5 (you beat me by 1, although I had 13 pregnancies!). I have such stories to share such as a four-year-old driving our station wagon through the front of our house, halfway through the kitchen, and the "baby" at seven, locking his older brother in the trunk, then coming to ask me where his brother was, the little sicko! LOL...the trunk victim is the same one that at four drove the wagon into the house, though, so you know what they say about payback!

They're all grown and gone now, including two of them fighting in the red zone out in Iraq, which is grown-up mommy stress to the "nth" degree, I have to tell you. Oh, for the days of disassembled doorknobs, toasters, and other household items!

Well, I'll stop rambling now...I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking time out of the days (nights??) to post on your blog, and for being so brave as to take on Good Morning America, and the countless other journalists that are going to be hounding you. I'm sure I can speak for the world (yes world...since you're all over the global map now!) in saying that you warm our hearts, tickle our funny bones, and fill us with joy at having someone to relate to, and look up to, even. Many blessing to you and your wonderful family! Especially Joe! WTG for fixing the van!!!

I am so glad I found your blog courtesy of an ebayer poster on the Pokemon cards! What a smile (and a giggle) your posts bring me. WAHM of 3 and I thought I had a handful! Please keep these posts coming as I look forward to them and wish you so much luck with your book.

I was just sent a link to your pokemon card ebay sale. You are freaking hilarious! And I mean that in a good way. A I can relate kind of way. I've got 3 kids, my husband already had 3 when we got married. When I have time (HA!) I am going to read your entire blog. Then I can say 'ah, I was reading her before she became rich and famous!' How wonderful to see someone with such humor and who clearly understands that kids will be kids, with all of thier quirks and mind-bloggling actions!

Dawn,Love your blog!! Is there any chance you would be willing to list the link to my Down Syndrome Project on your blog site? I am the mother of a beautiful one-year-old with Down Syndrome as well as two other "typical" children. For the last four months I have been working on a project to demystify Down Syndrome and dispel myths and misconceptions about our beautiful children.

Right now 90% of people that learn their unborn child has Down Syndrome choose to terminate the pregnancy. I believe that this is mostly from lack of understanding or information. I have a friend with movie-making equipment and we have been interviewing the families of people with DS for a documentary. We have some great footage so far including that of a 15-year-old girl with DS in TX who competes in barrel racing at major rodeos and wins regularly.

We have been asking the tough questions that many people may want to ask but are afraid to, and getting the honest answers from parents and siblings.

I am just one mom on a mission and can use all the help I can get. My site is: http://myspace.com/downsyndromeproject or I have a clickable banner I can send you if you're interested. If the MySpace page is a problem for anyone, they can also reach me through my blog at http://DisasterFlambe.BlogSpot.com

Thank you in advance for any help you can give me!!Sincerely, a fellow mom and big fan of your blog!Leigh Edwards

Today is not a good day. I have your blog set in my *favorites* (NOT the reason why my day is bad, lol) and thought I'd take a peek at your latest entry. It made me laugh out loud. Thank you for making me laugh today. :o)

Congrats on your van working again and your potential GMA interview. That's amazing!

Ok, I thought my kid was the only under the pillow hider. My now 5 year old Daughter hid a half dozen, read 6, raw eggs under her pillow when she was 3. She had this elaborate story that an egg fairy had laid them under her pillow. She had to unlock the fridge then carry all 6 eggs upstairs to get them in her room. I have no idea how many trips she made or how she managed to keep them all intact but she did. LOL

Just wait, I bet Oprah is around the corner! I've been reading your blog for about a week, now, and THANK YOU for the laughs! I only have two, so I can't possibly imagine what your life is like, but you certainly paint a great picture!

Oh, the good old days . . . my youngest is now 19-1/2 and the oldest is just about 22. Since you can't trade 'em in, you gotta love some of the stuff they come up with. 95% of the time my kids were the best in the world . . . the rest of the time, they were like everyone else's kids!!

Reminds me of the time I changed my sons bed to find a lizards tail under his pillow, apparently his older sister told him if he looked after it it would grow back into another lizard. Kids you just can't help but love them.

That is such a crack-up! Yesterday, we had a door knob incident with our 2 year old who was "helping" daddy. He managed to put a screw into the handle of the knob that my husband was trying to attach to the door. 20 minutes later we got the screw out.

Seriously.....Write a book...You are funny like Erma Bombeck and so, so real. I laughed until I cried on the eBay post... A friend of mine got a book published... maybe I can link you up with her and she can tell you about how she did it and where she got it published.Keep up the blog.... It is fantastic.

Thanks for the laugh this morning and I am glad to hear that you got your vehicle fixed. I totally agree that you should use "Do you need a fire to build a toilet" as a book title. I'd buy it in a minute.

So how did the interviews go today? Man, you must think you've been kidnapped by the alien spaceship secretly run by the media and your life has gone completely haywire!

I'm certain you did a great job today. Keep it up. You're on a heck of a ride.

In the meantime, I wanted to share: I posted this on my blog today:

"Okay, I'll admit it. Anne Bradshaw over at Not Entirely British did a really good thing and I am shamelessly borrowing from her idea of spotlighting the most amazing youth in the world. I think it is incredible what she has done and the youth that are the finalists in her contest are truly amazing. If you haven't gone to her blog yet, read about them and vote, you're going to want to do that as soon as you're done reading mine, submitting a nomination and generally recognizing that I'm the greatest blogger to ever walk the earth . . . all right, all right, you don't have to do that last part. As long as it exists in my mind I'm okay with that.

Announcing the Best Husband in the World Contest -- please check out my blog today."

I just wanted you to know that I COMPLETELY understand how kids can be. One day when my oldest son was being watched by my best friend, he and his partner in crime (her daughter) managed to do the following things in 15 minutes... They dumped 'chew' in the washer on clean clothes, put lightbulbs in the dryer and turned it on, put a whole roll of TP in the toilet and flushed, melted crayons on a burning lightbulb, spraypainted the white dog a lovely shade of pink, put the cat down the laundry chute (a bag catches the clothes in the basement) and hid my friends contacts (they have never been found). - Needless to say, anytime that our lovely kids are together we worry when things are too quiet. - I am SO glad that I am not the only one that gets to go through things like this. Sometimes I just don't understand where they come up with stuff like this. I mean, come on... Spraypainting the dog PINK. - We had no choice but to laugh. What else can you do?

Thank you for making my days a little brighter during a pretty dark time (I am going through a pretty nasty divorce). You are a great writer and obviously a wonderful mom. Keep it up because when you get your book written, I will definitely be first in line to get one!

I'm afraid I may be one of the ones to blame for the GMA call... As soon as I read the Pokemon auction, I forwarded it to the GMA producers and said they HAD to have you on the show. I didn't in a million years think they actually read what people send. But apparently, I wasn't the only one - and I'm sure the Chicago Tribune article helped!

I'm not even a mom, but as a struggling writer myself, I LOVE your work! Alas, as of yet, I can only DREAM that I will be on GMA one day promoting a book! But because of you, I have hope! (I'm even thinking of re-starting my own blog!) Anyway, Congrats!!!!!

Crystal in TX

P.S. I can't even fathom the stress this instant fame brings, but think of all the moms you are helping by sharing your little anecdotes. What a blessing to be able to share your gift with the world!

Thank you for yet another great laugh. I am addicted to your blog and check it every day. It is a wonderful reminder that the vocation of motherhood isn't always such drudgery, it's much more exciting than that! Seriously though it helps me remember why I love being a mommy so much.

I loved your Tribune article and was so pleased at the thought of having a soul sista out there! I also heard your interview with Spike the other day...boy did he sound scripted I have to say. Maybe some people just don't get it.

Keep up all your hysterical writing; you are keeping so many mommies out there afloat! ;)

Good Job on getting your van running again. I love your blog, I read it everyday. It really makes me smile and I have a better day and I don't stress over the little things with my daughter. I try to make the most out of the trials. Thanks so much.

Congrats on getting the van fixed...your car post really brought back some memories! Now our only problem is that one of belts let out an earsplitting screech whenever we start the car :) Yes, our mechanic would fix it for free, but I haven't dragged myself over there yet (it's been a couple months...).

FWIW, yes, you do need fire to make a toilet. We watched an episode of "How It's Made" (on the Discovery Channel, hosted by John Ratzenberg...er I can't remember his full last name) that showed the details of toilet manufacturing. They are fired in a kiln. So there you go. Find that episode and I'm sure "Spaz" will be mesmorized for the whole 7 minute segment...my own Spaz was.

A jar of pickles has disappeared from my fridge (I am afraid to even ask where it may be), my 9 year old son wants to spit on his sister for ratting him out and I just ran out of wine. And you made me laugh. Thank you.

I am a new reader but a huge fan. I wish you nothing but the best. Please keep making us laugh. You help us find the joy in raising children.

Okay... I am still laughing. I have permenantly added you to my blog and I am so glad that I did. I have a mere two children. Both boys. I guess I just couldn't handle being outnumbered. My hats off to you being able to raise your six children and be able to laugh at the end of the day (not to mention fold laundry). Can't wait to read more adventures about the 6 pack kids!

Your kids sound like normal healthy bright kids, I wouldn't worry about making them sound horrible. They are just acting like kids. Your son's door knob attachment sounds just like my son, he slept with a ball valve for about two weeks. He took it everywhere with him. We decided that this year we were going to do his Christmas shopping at Home Depot.I'm so excited for your new found fame. I hope it leaves you enough time to do your writing and everything, but I'm sure if you could make this a career, it would help out your family. Good luck and good work.

Thank you so much for the laughs! It's been a bad week ( you know, the kind where your 5 year old is sick and thinks that walking backward to the bathroom will keep the diarrhea from dripping out of his underwear), topped off by some bad news this morning that made me both very sad and very angry at someone I love very much. I knew you'd make me laugh out loud, and you did. THANK YOU!! I love the Gilda pic!Michelle

Please let us know when you're on GMA! I love your stuff! I have only 1 adopted child, but I keep a journal of her "Tabitha-isms" like when we pulled up to the car wash and she asked, "What are we going to do here?" They keep us laughing!

I have to say that with all this attention you will have absolutely no problem at all getting a book published or maybe getting a column in a newspaper! Keep up the good work...or maybe we should be thanking your kids for their endless entertainment! Now get to work on that book!