Saturday, August 13, 2016

Monday, May 9, 2016

Our fourth IUI was a success!! It shouldn’t have been, based
on the theory that if you are under too much stress it will not work. It was a
very ridiculous stressful time for me, I’m talking Anxiety / Panic attacks and
all. I wasn’t sleeping, was barely eating and lost 5 lbs. right before my
scheduled IUI.

The stress came from dealing with my father and his issues.
I walked away from my father a year ago, after I told him he could not be in my
life in his current condition. Since then he became unemployed, homeless and
drinking mouth wash to cope with his addiction. Most people had given up on him
and instead of finding help, they called the cops on him every time he showed
up. The cops would just drive him around and drop him at a 24hr restaurant,
never offering any additional help. This continued for months. I would watch
the paper, expecting to hear he was found dead somewhere in our town.

Then after a disgusting and disturbing email from my
father’s brother, I decided to reach out to my dad. A local agency had been
putting him up in a hotel room and he was busy trying to find a job – the only
problem, he was still actively drinking. Unfortunately, reaching out meant he
started calling (again) several times, at all hours, leaving mean message as
the evening progressed when I didn’t answer. Soon enough the funding ran out
and since he did not have a job, he was out on the street. My wife paid for 5
days to keep him in a room and off the streets, as it was winter, but we could
not afford to do this long term. He called as he left the hotel and asked me to
pick up his things behind the dumpster. It was heartbreaking to gather up his
things among the heroin needles. It was devastating to see all he had were a
few grocery bags of clothing left. He wondered the streets and ended up at his
ex-wife’s, my mothers, sun porch. My mom called me in desperation. I made some
phone calls and found out that if I could get him to the ER there was chance
they could get him a bed in a rehab. It was shocking to see him after a year.
He had lost so much weight and looked twice his age. He looked like a homeless
man, wearing layers of mix matched clothes, his hair was a mess and he hadn’t
shaved. After the cops came and talked him into going to the ER, I spent hours
with him in the hospital for them to tell us they had no beds. This is when the
anxiety attacks began – I couldn’t breathe, my chest felt heavy and when I did
try to sleep I would wake up gasping for air. While he was safe in his hotel
room, I found an agency to cover the cost for a few days, I started reaching
out to all the local agencies to find him some help. I learned he HAD to go
through the ER. So, after a few days back we went. This time it wasn’t as easy,
he took off and was missing for several hours and when he reappeared he was
very drunk but the people at the hospital handled it more seriously. While he
was missing, my youngest sister went into labor. As she yelled in pain I was on
the phone trying to secure funding for detox. The only problem – they couldn’t
take him until the following week. I was
lucky that two wonderful ladies I used to work with were now in positions at
the hospital to help me. One got him admitted for a few days for him to sober
up while the other got him admitted for the weekend for observation. Keeping him in the local hospital until he could get in to detox. I was
scheduled for my 4th IuI the day after my sister gave birth. A few
days later, I just had to transport him to the detox clinic. While he spent a
week there I was in daily contact with his case worker and hustled to find funding
for his rehab. I had funding lined up but the caseworker felt a short term
rehab wouldn’t be the best fit. So, dad was lucky enough to get a bed at a
yearlong treatment facility he would pay for by working for them. The stars
aligned and everything worked out!

Normally the two week wait to find out if the IUI worked is
slow, but this time it was full of getting dad in treatment centers and my
sister with her new baby. My father was settled in long term treatment when I
got my first positive pregnancy test.

Duste and I were both
in shock – it worked!

I only told a hand full of people at first. After two
ultrasounds, one at 6 weeks the other at 8, I started telling a few more family
members. It wasn’t until week 14 and our third ultrasound, did I post it on
Facebook for everyone to know.

Our baby is growing and my pregnancy is progressing
perfectly!

So – it doesn’t matter if you are stressed, it doesn’t
matter if you have anxiety issues. The only things that matter is ovulation and
strong sperm! Go easy on yourself, your body knows what to do! And for those
who tell you if you’re too stressed or too worried it won’t work – as nice as
you can, tell them they are full of shit!

Sunday, November 29, 2015

I struggled doing this daily. Often I would skip days I felt
negative, not even wanting to mess with it. I would spend a few days catching up
with several post and most of the time this pulled me out of my own head. I am determined
to do these daily this second time around – I will record it in my journal.

When
I focus on what I don’t have it leaves me feeling sad, depressed, hopeless and
anxious. When I focus on what I do have – which is hard to do once I am in the
negative cycle—I feel happy, excited and full of hope! Obviously I prefer to
focus on the positive, it’s a hard habit to get into but I will keep trying!