All said and done, in the simplest of sentences, I would like to describe addiction as an intimacy disorder. It is the desperate search for love and connection. God created Humans with love and for love. When you are deprived and bereft of that love, the inner hollow is deep and echoing, and that’s often when you become a sitting duck for the demon of addiction. It can hook you on drugs, pornography, sports, womanizing, or any other obsessive behavior or lifestyle – the root cause of all addiction is the same – the love deficit.

My Story:

Raised in the troubled milieu of what was my home, I always sought love and appreciation outside its boundaries. I was ready to pay any cost just feel even for the flick of a moment “wanted”. To my utter surprise, the culture provided me with many faces of love and I was not sure which one was genuine.

Nevertheless, that did not stop me from venturing to try out everything the world had to offer. It was not long before I got the perfect fit. It promised me pleasure, a beyond-mountains’ high and mind-blowing fantasy. Above all, it was affordable, available, and anonymous. I needed nothing more in life. Life could throw all the bouncers it chose to, I was not worried. Addiction met my deepest need. Initially, I also believed, I could be free of it whenever I chose.

It became my best friend and my final recourse to face life’s challenges. As I spent more time with it, I developed a very deep relationship, so much so that it became as much a part of my life as breathing. Just as is the case with breathing, I could not live without my addiction. It was all I could think of. I cannot pin down when exactly it happened but it became part of lifestyle, and then the part became a whole. Addiction was my only lifestyle. To my horror, I had to accept I had become a addict. I had no control over it - but it controlled me. It would be a gross understatement if I say that I was a slave! Slave or salve, it could have been either – the truth is, addiction provided me with the protective barrier I needed from the callous, uncaring word that surrounded me.

The addiction had unimaginable consequences on my life and career. Having sailed through management studies in a premier institute in India, I was all excited to climb the corporate ladder. Unfortunately, that dream was crushed after I was thrown out of 3 companies in a span of 5 years. I was jobless for more than 2 years, depending on someone or anyone to put food in mouth and provide roof over head.

As had to happen, my addiction destroyed all my relationships -left, right, and centre. Family, relatives, and friends, equally shunned me. A beggar would have received more compassion than what was accorded to me. I had no place to go, nor a shoulder to cry out my agony.

I was without identity, dignity, and self-respect. It became so bad, that I did not know who I really was. It seemed I was living merely because my nose refused to stop letting the air in and out.

After 7 years of torment and torture, I hit rock bottom and I knew I was one step away from the end. The elongated shadows left no doubt that the sun was setting over my life.

That was 2 years ago.

For 2 years, I have been addiction-free. I was able to liberate myself. A lot of what transpired could be classified supernatural, but the undeniable human element had to be the starting point: desire. I desired to be free of the curse. I wanted decency back in my life, it was ground zero rejection to see acquaintances cross to go to the other side when they saw me on the road. I wanted to feel human again, not worm, dirt, or scum. A solution stared me in the face and I grabbed at it with both hands. I was ready to try anything, for life in ‘addiction imprisonment’ is worse than swimming through a sewage canal. I am free, and I have to keep pinching myself for the reassurance that it’s not just a dream. I can’t explain in words the joy, peace and satisfaction that I have today. Not only that, I have finally found my life’s purpose and have been working on it with great success.

If you are at that crossroad of desire, and want to get out of the net and the cage, I could help you. Why? For the simple and crowning reason that when I was in the dark dungeon, I looked for help but could find none. O, there are hundreds of rehab centers and counselors and places and people like that. However, the lasting solution is a change of mind. That requires time and talk and no rehab center or counselor has this kind of time in today’s hectic world.

I have the time. Because this has become the purpose that has given meaning to my life, to set those free from the curse of addiction (any addiction) who desire to be free. If the desire is there in you – let it reveal itself to me – write to me at

jdonhigh@gmail.com

and I will walk you through the journey to liberation.

If you are thinking, ‘Why am I being asked to write? Why can’t the author of this piece give me some simple solutions within the article?’

Here’s the reason, though the roots of the curse of addiction may be similar, each person’s struggle is unique, the circumstances that led to addiction are unparalleled, so each person’s exit strategy has to be different too. If you are looking for a ‘How to…’ and ‘Six steps to…’ etc, go to Google.

I am talking about a permanent deliverance, and my prescription is different.

by Joseph Dinesh

Joseph Dinesh is Founder of Song of Fire Catholic Ministries, who has initiated the PornFree Movement in this country.