Irish lose their friendliest nation title...to the Scots

The world's friendliest people, the Irish, are no longer the world's friendliest people after a survey revealed that the Scottish are more friendly.

"We have been sending the Scottish people on a friendliness course," said Hamish Bacon, Scottish Friendly Minister. "For a lot of Scots this has been part of their work in one of the many call centres, but for others, it's just to make them more friendly."

These Friendliness Courses, have been running every day for the past two years, and slowly they are working.

"We have given council staff, such as traffic wardens, powers to send people on a Happiness Course," said Bacon. "Of course, all the traffic wardens have already been on it, and are friendly and happy."

"It's been noticeable," said Lucy Vowels. "When I go in for me fish and chips on a Friday, the staff are all so nice now. They used to be grumpy. Now they are happy. I just thought it was a change of dwarf."

All across Scotland, as people get more friendly, tourists are being friendly back.

"I really liked Scotchland," said one American visitor. "I'd been told that London was quite unfriendly, but it wasn't! I found it very friendly, especially that Borough of Edin."

There are still some people to reach with the hand of friendship.

"It's a bloody liberty," said Jack McJack. "I wanna stay bloody miserable. Who are they to tell me I should be happy? Eh? Although, if they let me be miserable, that's going to make me happy, the buggers, they got me if I do or if I don't."

Additionally, the Irish are said not to be happy about it.

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