Smiting the smiteable since 2005

Pastor John Hagee doesn’t like me. I know this because I’m an Atheist. He told me I don’t belong here. America is a Christian-only nation he says. He says if I don’t pray to the Big Guy, read the Bible, and dismiss all other religions I should just get the hell out, go back where I came from. Although, America is where I came from. He says I have no right to live in my own country which seems a downright uneighborly thing for a Christian to say.

But, it’s OK. I don’t care much for John either. His spittle gets in my eyes. And his Christian brimstone breath? Wooo, give that man an ecumenical Tums®!

John’s making a big hubbub on his website this week. It’s D-Day and he’s effusively thanking all those people who have defended this country. He should thank them. They’ve defended his contemptible ass’s right to launch hateful, bigoted screeds at the top of his lungs. God Bless America! Or in the case of we Atheists and other religious vermin…USA…USA…USA!

I know John is a little weak on American history, so I’d like to fill in some of his blanks. John, there were Atheists at Normandy and Salerno, Guadalcanal and Saipan. Atheists were in the skies over Germany and on the field with General Washington. They served in Korea, Viet Nam, the War of Error and the followup Wars of Even Bigger Errors that still dog us. So were Muslims and Catholics and Jews and probably even some Wiccans and Satanists. I hear you’re none to fond of those folks either, but they were there. So were gay soldiers, sailors, and airmen, but that’s another of your screeds and another of my posts.

I served John. I was a Cold Warrior. Got a medal to prove it and everything. I’m one of those guys who helped St. Ronnie of Reagan personally and single-handedly knock down the Berlin Wall. You remember Ronnie. Tall guy. Prayed a lot. But no need to thank me, being as how I’m an Atheist and all.

I don’t think you served in the military you seem to love so much. I can’t find any mention in your bios, even though you were establishing churches and honing your vitriol and whatnot at the high years of Viet Nam. I guess God was keeping you hopping. Too busy to lay your ass on the line like so many others. So excuse me, I’ll not thank you for your service since you left the dying to others. Dying to protect your right to be a world-class ass clown.

You know who you can’t thank for their support? Pat Tillman. Pat was an Atheist. So is his brother, who is also in the Army. You remember Pat and his brother. Tall guys. Didn’t pray a lot.

Pat left a promising football career to do what he thought was right. He went to war. He and his brother stayed even as their faith in the rightness of that war began to wane. That is what soldiers do John. They do their duty. They defend and protect the Constitution and protect against all enemies, foreign or domestic. They protect people like you too John. People who have made themselves their enemies. People who shame their sacrifice. People who spit on the graves where they lay, riddled with bullets that tore into them on a frigid, dark Afghan road.

So it would seem there are Atheists in foxholes John. Atheist Angels if you will. Atheist Angels like Pat Tillman. Can I get an AMEN, John?

So the next time you want to act like the least Christian man in the nation, remember that when you insult Atheist veterans you insult true heroes not unlike the ones found in your Bible. But also remember they’re still out there fighting and dying to protect your right to be an asshole.

3 Comments

Russell

Great post Jack. A lot of these jack holes like to talk about our founding fathers and the Christian nation they founded, but those that even know a bit of history recognize many of those dudes were essentially atheists, or at minimum completely devoted to the separation of church and state.