My character is a white-trash meth head from backwoods Tennessee with a serious chronic masturbation problem. He is missing the teeth in the upper front row, from the meth.

He dresses in fading, torn Wrangler's purchased from the fine folks at Wal-Mart, with a "These Colors Don't Run" patriotic 9/11ish T-Shirt, and a pair of discolored Doc Martin's he got on sale at the Outlet Mall a few towns over.

He hates Muslims with a passion. He's never actually met one, but he's pretty sure they're responsible for all the world's evils. If only they followed Jesus like he does, the world would be a much better place with free meth and child porn for everyone. Oh yeah, he's also a pedophile. Although he's never actually followed through on it, he has lot's of child porn, hence the chronic masturbation problem.

Narrator wrote:The garden gnome and the drunk hobo are dating but the white-trash meth guy wants to f*ck both of them for some reason.

The store clerk is just some random guy who's following the group from the distance because no one likes him and the pokemon fan has been dead for 7 days but no one realized because he smelled bad anyway.

He fails to even notice the large army of mounted Mongolians heading toward the group, due to the ferocious battle going on in his mind. On the one hand, this underage garden gnome is hot, plus the whole "strong and silent type" bit is a big turn on. On the other hand, it's a heathen Muslim that should be stoned to death.

He considers asking if the garden gnome would like a piece of candy that he keeps in his car trunk, at which point he finally notices the horde...

The android searches its data-banks and initializes a pre-programmed sequence titled "PokeMongolians"

A large hologram of a Kangaskhan with Genghis Khan in her pouch is projected from the robot girl's eyes, scrolling tag lines in projected on either side in Mongolian Script "Pokemon Gold, for the Golden Horde", "No conquest is greater than Pokemon Master".

The mechanized adolescent's poorly lip-syncs the words to the J-pop and Pokemon rap remix blaring from its internal speakers.