Ravings of a Mass Media Madman

I'm here to buy a TelvisiAHHHHHH I'VE BEEN SHOT!

Black Friday will be one of the biggest contributing factors in the decline of Western Civilization; right behind Miley Cyrus, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo and every variation of a Kardashian Show.

People freaking die on Black Friday. They die. D-I-E. Die. Since 2006 there have been seven shopping related deaths on Black Friday. There have been 90 injuries.

This year alone, there was one death as a teenager in North Carolina camped out all night to shop on Black Friday fell asleep at the wheel on her way home. Some will say that could happen to anyone, but if she hadn’t been up all night camping out at her local retail store it probably wouldn’t have happened.

In a New Jersey Wal-Mart, one shopper pepper sprayed another over a TV. In New Boston Ohio, an 11-year-old girl was trampled and another elderly woman was taken to the hospital for a similar situation.

In Carlsbad California, a man was stabbed in the stomach outside of a shopping mall. A Wal-Mart Employee in Arkansas was injured after an anxious mob of shoppers backed them into a corner and they fell (the employee was lucky he or she didn’t die).

Riots broke out in Northern Ireland. There was a Black Friday related shooting at a Kohl’s in Romeoville Illinois. In that same incident, the suspect drug a police officer behind his car. A Virginia man was stabbed over a parking space. A knock-down-drag-out brawl in Rialto California sent police officer to the hospital. And in Las Vegas, a shopper carrying a TV home from Target was shot.

Media Reports say it was a “calm” Black Friday. All in all 1 death and 15 injuries were reported this year. And that’s considered CALM!?

It’s at this point humanity needs to evaluate whether that Tickle-Me Elmo is really worth someone’s life. Here’s a hint. Black Friday deals really aren’t that great. Everything is way cheaper closer to and after Christmas.

It’s absolutely amazing and absurd that society has championed a lady who wears a meat dress to an award show as one of the biggest advocates of the anti-bullying movement, but not a word is said about the violence created in search of the best deals on crap none of us actually need.