Monkey need pizza badly

Curious Whore-Hey led a strange and utterly charming existence. He lived with the Woman in the Yellow Bra and was surrounded by other animals who were not as bright as Curious Whore-Hey. The difference was not as great as Curious Whore-Hey would like to believe. The Woman in the Yellow Bra took good care of Curious Whore-Hey, although she many times had locked him out of the house, which was how his adventures usually began.

In some of the early books in the Curious Whore-Hey series, especially Curious Whore-Hey Oogles Chicks At The Mall and Curious Whore-Hey Gets Laid we see the development of the character and how the Woman in the Yellow Bra serves as the catalyst for his adventures by locking him out. With each lock-out comes a new adventure. In the one of the later installments of the series, Curious Whore-Hey Meets A Beautiful Princess, we see just how far the author has come in developing this fascinating character known to readers as Curious Whore-Hey.

Many people have not seen the interview with the late Harry Harrison on C-SPAN. Their fascination with the George Bush/Bill Clinton: Best Friends Tour distracts them from keeping up to date on the author of the Curious Whore-Hey series. Regardless, there is a remarkable wealth of information to be found for those wanting to know more about Curious Whore-Hey.

"When I write one of these books, it is like the whole world comes alive and I feel at one with the universal mind. Curious Whore-Hey has been my cash cow and my reason for not overdosing on sleeping pills for thirty five years now."

--From an interview with the author, Harry Harrison

Critics almost universally panned the last book in the Curious Whore-Hey series, 1999's Curious Whore-Hey Bangs a Bevy of Beautiful Blondes as "banal and pointless with no literary merit whatsover." At that time, Harry Harrison announced he was working on a new project, which would take the existing character of Curious Whore-Hey and put him into adult scenarios, removing him once and forever from the land of children's stories.

Harrison remained mostly in seclusion over the next few years before releasing strange clues regarding the novel. When Harrison's paperboy, who was sleeping with Harrison's daughter behind the author's back, stole a notebook from Harrison's office, the rumor mill began churning at top speed. Curious Whore-Hey was going to be sporting facial hair for the first time and the title of the book was going to be Monkey Need Pizza Badly.

"The book is a whole different ball game for Harrison. It is unique, visionary and prophetic. It talks about things no one would ever talk about. If I were able to read a copy, I'm sure I would find it to be groundbreaking in scope."

--Dr. Lionel Johnson, Milwaukee Journal of Coronary Medicine

Because Harry Harrison died as the result of a blood clot in his brain exploding while he was angry, his wife, Margaret Harrison, held off on releasing copies of the Monkey Need Pizza Badly manuscript to the press. According to Mrs. Harrison, the book is filled with "venom and hatred of a sort that need not be read by impressionable minds." While some excerpts have slipped through into the public eye, mostly through Harrison's paperboy, the whole of the manuscript remains unseen by anyone other than the late Harrison and his widow. Teams of lawyers are battling with the Harrisons to secure the work's release, but there has been no ground gained in over eight months. A plan to break into the Harrison estate and steal the manuscript fell through when the thieves were seduced by Lindsay Harrison, the daughter of the dead writer.

"I've slept with a lot of men over the years. Many of them have been involved with my father's career and others have been in the delivery business. Pizza delivery guys, paperboys, salesmen, movers and Jehovah's Witnesses. It doesn't matter to me. I just love to get under a man and ride him until the sun comes up."

--Lindsay Harrison(from a 2002 interview)

Rumors persist that Harrison wrote Monkey Need Pizza Badly as a scathing attack of his daughter's lifestyle. In an interview, Harrison revealed that one of the reasons he enjoyed writing the Curious Whore-Hey books was reading them to his daughter when she was young, an activity he claimed was "charming." As Lindsay grew older and her list of lovers got dangerously close to four figures, Harry Harrison started to form blot clots in his brain. Living off his fortune and never moving away from home, Lindsay went from being the apple of her father's eye to the rotten apple that Harrison feared would turn the rest of the barrel bad. After trying to kill her six times in 2002, Harrison was served a restraining order by the courts and was no longer allowed to go home. The Harrison mansion instantly became a house of ill-repute and it was not long before Lindsay was able to convince her mother to get in on the "fun."

"Every man lives in perpetual fear that his daughter will become a slut. I'm evidence that these fears are real and substantial. Sometimes my agent comes over just to sleep with my daughter. Sometimes he doesn't even bother talking to me."

--Harry Harrison(from an interview with Larry King)

Rumors have circulated that the title of Harrison's unpublished novel comes from a night Harrison might have been better off forgetting about. Apparently, Lindsay had ordered pizza delivered from three different pizza shops and then convinced all three delivery boys to adjourn to her bedroom. There she carried on with them all night while shouting, "Monkey need pizza badly!" repeatedly.

This theory is grounded in one of the excerpts released to the press by the horny paperboy. In one part of the manuscript pages, Harrison describes listening to his daughter with a male friend inside her bedroom. The ease with which he interchanges "Curious Whore-Hey" and "Lindsay" is very telling:

I went to the door and was careful not to push it open, which was a danger since the latch was not always known to hold. Curious Whore-Hey was in there with a man, and even though I had not seen the man, I knew he was the kind of man Curious Whore-Hey liked.

"Give it to me from behind now," I heard Curious Whore-Hey tell her companion. "Give it to me rough. I like it rough."

He grunted and obliged her. I listened intently as they moved around. Then came the unmistakable sound of penetration. It became unbearable to witness what had become of my Curious Whore-Hey. I felt responsible and angry with myself for failing to raise her properly. The sounds from the bedroom became more intense. Lindsay was moaning louder with every thrust from her lover. He was slapping her buttocks hard, slamming himself into her with pure, unadulterated brute force. She started crying. Guteral (sic) moans were streaming out of her. I was about to consider putting a shotgun in my mouth and ending it all when Lindsay exploded in a mad orgasm, screaming "Monkey need pizza badly!"

Fans of the Curious Whore-Hey series have made known their concerns regarding the possible release of the unpublished manuscript. Part of their concern is with the possibility that the novel is nothing more than the journal of a mentally ill man who listens to his daughter having sex with men. Many religious groups have already come forward to denounce the novel before anyone has actually read it. The answers may not be known until the manuscript is seen in its entirety.