A 21st century person’s guide to wordsmithery

How Not To Writte… Stag & Hen Do Invites

We’ve already explained how to write the perfect wedding invitation, but for both halves of any prospective married couple there’s also the looming prospect of stag or hen dos to think about.

Whether you’re the handsome groom, the blushing bride or one partner in a non-binary relationship, it’s likely that your ‘so-called friends’ are going to want to take you out and get you royally shit-faced in the last weeks of singledom leading up to your marriage. Your ‘do’ may be a week-long alcoholic binge-fest in Marbs, or a sedate weekend at a health spa, but either way someone’s gonna need to organise the whole shebang and get some invitations out to the prospective stags/hens/drunken animals of your choice.

Usually, it’s gonna be your bezzie mate, or the lucky person you’ve chosen to be your best man/maid of honour, but we’ll leave it up to you who gets the dubious honour of being Chief Organiser.

So here’s our tips for getting the invite to your pre-wedding shindig in shape…

Do:

Decide early what your communication medium will be: are you going to do this all through old-school email, or are you going to set up a Facebook event where your stags/hens/weasels can click to show they’re attending and add comments, photos and their emojis of choice? If you’re feeling really 21st century, you could even set up a WhatsApp group – the world is your social media oyster.

Check with your hen/stag/weasel what they want and who they want there. Of course you can throw in a few surprises, but the aim is for them to have a good time, and waving a weasel in someone’s face may only appeal to a select few (Ed: Mainly other weasels, having a weasely good time). Remember broad appeal across age ranges, an evening or early hours opt-out is good for those that just aren’t able fiscally or physically to keep up the pace.

Draft your invite clearly and simply. The main things you’re going to want to include are: the dates when it’s happening, the location you’ve chosen, the accommodation you’ve booked and – crucially – how much it’s going to cost. Your group of assorted wild animals will want to know a budget and what they’re getting for their money, so make it clear.

Include instructions on how to pay you for any outlay you’ve made, and include bank or PayPal details to make it as easy as possible. Explain that you’re out of pocket, that each person owes you £X amount and that you need paying by a certain date. Set a deadline for payment or you’ll still be chasing Barry ‘Smudger’ Jenkins for his £250 come Christmas time.

Include an itinerary for the day/weekend/week that you’re all going to be away. Again, keep it simple, but include the main dates, the activities you’ll be doing and get anyone who’s not happy with the go-karting/Swedish massage option to let you know ASAP.

Don’t:

Get overly complicated and in-depth with the detail of your activities. Yes, there’s a lot of drinking, eating and blowing up inflatable willies/breasts to do, but you can sort out the details once you’re at the hotel. Your invite and itinerary are there to give people a flavour of what they’re signing up for – it’s not a military operation!

Insist on everyone on the hen/stag/weasel do having a wacky nickname. Post-Brexit, the British people have gone down enough in the estimation of the rest of Europe, so the last thing Prague or Madrid needs is Shagger and The Cock Monster shouting across their city squares and then falling into a fountain.

As per the previous point, don’t get t-shirts printed with your group’s wacky nicknames on the back and ‘Boys/Girls On Tour 2017’ emblazoned across the back. Enjoy yourself, have a blast but don’t make your group stand out like a sore thumb.

Forget to include the cost and your payment details. It really is VITAL if you’re not gonna end up paying for at least five of your party to have a free holiday. Friends may be friends, but people are very conveniently forgetful when it comes to coughing up the money they owe.