So, here's a quick demography quiz for you. Don't worry, it's multiple choice, it's short and there are clues. Got your thinking cap on? Here's the question: Which community would you consider rural? Community A with 30,400 people, a 106-bed hospital and a couple of big industries. Or, Community B, which has fewer than 3,500 people and none of the above amenities.

Need more information?

Community A has several chain groceries, clothing stores and a movie theater.

Community B -- acres of cane fields and none of the above amenities.

No, this isn't a trick question. The answer is as obvious as it seems.

Community B is Edgard, located on the west bank of St. John the Baptist Parish. Community A is the east bank community of LaPlace, easily St. John Parish's most populated, most developed and wealthiest community.

If you chose Edgard, you would be wrong as far as the federal government is concerned.

It's OK to remove your thinking caps. Some federal employees apparently had theirs off when they recently determined that Edgard is nonrural.

Meanwhile, they designated LaPlace as rural.

Those federal designations came to light recently when Jeanne Leroy, a St. John public school system athletic trainer, applied for a grant from the federal Health Resources and Services Administration's Rural Access to Emergency Devices program.

Leroy, who also is a certified emergency medical technician, said she wanted to equip the district's 13 public schools with automated external defibrillators, which gives audible step-by-step instructions on how to use the life-saving devices.

Leroy was awarded the grant, but was astonished to learn that Edgard -- where two of the district's schools are located -- didn't qualify for the grant. That means grant money can be used to purchase defibrillators at 11 of the parish's 13 schools. The two schools left out are located in the most remote areas of St. John.

Ironically, the grant "specifically says (it's) for areas that have a hard time getting medical service, " Leroy said.

She invites the feds to come take a ride through our cane country.

Apparently the classification is based on census information that designates St. John as part of the New Orleans-Metairie metro area. To help identify rural areas within that urban grouping, the federal government relies on the driving habits of residents.

It's not whether emergency medical services are located in the community -- there are none in Edgard -- but whether federal officials feel residents can get to them.

"We use commuting as a way to tell if people have access to (medical) services, " said Steve Hirsch, a public health analyst for Health Resources and Services Administration.

Therefore Edgard is labeled a "commuter" community, meaning a majority of the residents leave the area for work.

Imagine that! What else would one do since there are no major industries, retail or medical facilities where residents can work in that community?

So basically Edgard residents can grab some emergency medical attention on their way to and from work.

Conversely, LaPlace was given the rural label because a majority of its residents work in the community.

Officials at the Louisiana Bureau of Emergency Services, which oversees the grant for the federal government, say they've had other complaints about similar nonsensical designations, but can only commiserate.

"We have to live under the rules of the grant, " said the bureau's medical director, Dr. William Clark.

Earlier this week, students across the River Parishes celebrated Dr. Seuss' birthday. The famed word doctor is quoted as saying he liked "nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells."

For many of us who live here, I dare say the notion that Edgard is nonrural carries quite a mental jolt.

. . . . . . .

Littice Bacon-Blood is the River Parishes bureau chief. She can be reached at lbacon-blood@timespicayune.com or 985.652.0951.