10 things you need to stop saying to single people

Being single is pretty all right; you get the whole bed to yourself, have more money around Christmas time, and don’t have to share pizza, however coping with so called ‘advice’ from the happily settled brigade is a completely unnecessary evil.

1. ‘So….are you seeing anyone? How’s the love life?’

2. ‘Why are you even on Tinder? Isn’t that just for people who want a shag’

But my best friends, sister’s dog’s original owner got married to someone they met on Tinder, and there are just so many people on there, if I delete then I’m giving up right?

Erm… have you seen my phone? It’s literally dating apps, Instagram and Facebook.

4. ‘The right person will come along when you least expect it.’

Really? Did you just bump in to your fella in the street then?

5. ‘Maybe you just need to take a break from apps and online dating and let things happen naturally.’

Which isn’t too bad a comment to make….it’s just when, after three months of more disappointment they say…

6. ‘I think you’re just not putting yourself out there enough.’

Just stop.

(Picture: Charly Clements for Metro)

7. ‘Perhaps you’re being too picky.’

I’m allowed to be picky, I’m not a desperate lonely weirdo, I’m young and funny and bloody fabulous OK. OK?!

8. ‘I don’t even know why you’re single, you’re such a catch.’

Great. So please funnel all of your intelligent witty and beautiful friends in my direction please.

9. ‘You’re still young, you have all the time in the world.’

Wait no, I’m 28, even if I meet someone today, then we won’t move in together for like a year, proposal after three years, and marriage another year or two after that. So that means I’ll be having babies in my forties THAT’S SO FAR AWAY!