Turkey!
I was 18 and just hanging around the street with my friend and his girlfriend.They suggested we walk to the local park to see if anything interesting was happening.They bumped into a girl they knew well. I had seen her about and had heard she was a bit of a wrong un.

Anyhoo, 15 minutes later i was told she wanted to 'get off' with me.
To my mind, that meant a bit of kissing.It soon became apparent that my expectations were about to be surpassed.

After a heavy kissing session underneath a street light at the park, she unzipped my jeans and started to fumble inside......

I was struck by a moment of sheer terror, and the now 38 year old even added me on Facebook to post on my wall about it -

24 hours earlier a friend had arrived back from holiday.He thought it would be a funny holiday present to buy me the biggest pair of blue saggy Y-fronts you have ever seen. Now, as a typical 18 year old in 1988, underwear was not being put in the wash basket as often as it should.So, with the underwear as scarce as it was, i thought who the hell is gonna see them?

'But it's only massively saggy blue Y-fronts,' i hear you not shouting.
Did i mention there was a massive turkey on the front with the motif 'Gobble gobble?'

The first time a girl puts her hand inside my trousers,and i'm hanging on to chastity for the sake of a fuckin' turkey!

She saw it and pissed herself laughing.It killed the moment and we never spoke again until 2 years ago on FB.

She asked me if i had ever told anyone about it.I told her i had posted about it on an anonymous forum a couple of years ago....

She asked me if there were any replies.

I said; 'yes, one bloke replied - Well, i hope she followed the instructions on the packet!'