Putting away your crystal ball this Valentine’s Day

Well it’s Valentine’s Day again and whether you find yourself alone or worst yet with someone who you really don’t want to be with it is a day of reckoning on the reality of your relationship status. So what better day is there to do a reality check on where you are and what you want out of love? There are lots of speedbumps on the journey but I find the “crystal ball” syndrome to be one of the most common and damaging. With the Crystal Ball Syndrome people try to look past who someone currently is or the status of their current relationship to a future that they think will look or feel better. For instance he may not be your perfect man now but once he gets a new job things will be all good or perhaps you may not like some of her habits now but once she stops it you may consider getting more serious. All of the “but’s” lure you to think a brighter future lies in store from the present that you aren’t too happy with.

The danger in the Crystal Ball Syndrome is that you end up waiting for this reality to come true built out of your imagination in order to get to a reality you think will be perfect for you. It’s almost like putting a Russian roulette bet on your relationship. Surely love is not a gamble with everyone, but the odds are always better if you hedge your bets on the qualities and feelings that you love about a person now and how well those qualities match up with the person you also are today.

I have frequently found myself victim to this syndrome as I get lost in the pay my dues category. I see someone with great potential but equally a good amount of baggage. Each little detail of who this person was before the baggage becomes like a scavenger hunt for me as I put together the pieces of potential. Once I have enough pieces in place I think my devotion or love or understanding will be the glue to mend the puzzle and get this person back on track. Essentially I bet I can undo the damage of past lies and pain and get back the man (pre-damage) that was able to be so loving or romantic or compassionate to the hoochies who didn’t deserve his love or time.

At the end, however, the joke is always on those who play the Crystal Ball game because the only person you control is yourself and your mind. Betting on the Crystal Ball of who someone else will be or even dreaming up who they should be takes the attention over the great power you have and enters you into a gamble with your heart. The only real life way to judge if the relationship is right for you is to look at what it is now. Just the reality of now: as you feel it and live in it without the lure of change or hopeful promise of reformation. Cure the Crystal Ball Syndrome by getting real. Someone will change when they want to and some damage that is done is permanent. All the love in the world won’t change a person until they put in the effort to change themselves. Starting with the person you want to spend today with and everyday making that commitment for tomorrow is a much surer bet than looking into a cloudy future where the present is not that pleasant either. While dumping the Crystal Ball Method is it is not a guaranteed method to find love it is a step closer to loving yourself today and to stop wasting time with the wrong person doing all the wrong things to woo you.