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Impossible Promises

Recently I heard how an LDS father told his potential future son-in-law of a requirement that the son-in-law never leave the church and always stay strong in it. Could I or would I have made a promise to never leave the church back when I was going to marry my wife? Absolutely! I genuinely thought it was the one true church. But a year ago when I went through an abrupt faith transition, did I choose to no longer believe? No way. I didn’t have a choice to still believe. This is something active Mormons would have a very hard time understanding. In April 2015 conference, Elder L. Whitney Clayton of the 70 gave a talk entitled “Choose to Believe.” He explains that we have to choose to believe to listen to living prophets and apostles:

Prophets across the ages have encouraged us and even implored us to believe in Christ. Their exhortations reflect a fundamental fact: God does not force us to believe. Instead He invites us to believe by sending living prophets and apostles to teach us, by providing scriptures, and by beckoning to us through His Spirit.

I didn’t choose to quit believing in the LDS church. My only choice was not to believe. It was so impossible to stop my unbelief, that I’m reminded of a scripture in D&C 121:33. I’m going to take some liberties and change a few words:

What power shall stay the heavens evidence? As well might man stretch forth his puny arm to stop the Missouri river in its decreed course, or to turn it up stream, as to hinder the Almighty Google from pouring down knowledge from heaven the web upon the heads of the Latter-day Saints.

I understand that some will look at the evidence and decide they do still believe in the church, but I have no choice with the way my mind inteprets the evidence. Would that LDS father have approved me as a Mormon worth marrying before my faith transition? I’m fairly certain he would. I was a completely worthy and stalwart member of the church for the first 44 years of my life. But if I had made a promise to never leave the church, and to always stay a strong member, I would have had no way of knowing it was an impossible promise to keep. It was only a matter of time until I found out just how obviously man-made the LDS religion is.