The Women Men Marry

Why Won’t He Talk About The Wedding

Why is it that once the decision to marry is made, the relationship sometimes becomes less harmonious, rather than more? Two words cover it I think: Wedding preparations.

I would like to share a secret about us guys. Generally speaking, we cannot tell the difference between Spanish White and Old Ivory. Or beige. Or off-white. Or egg shell. In fact, if a color doesn’t appear on a football jersey or traffic light, it may as well not exist. Asking us to make a distinction between two variations of white is probably not going to work out, and expecting us to care that there is as difference is even less likely to succeed. So when it comes to broaching the subject of wedding plans, hoping your man will get involved in choosing the paper for the invitations is going to end in frustration for both of you. While he will make every effort to show an interest, for many guys it is exactly that – an effort. Such a situation can lead to stress for both parties, when she feels he doesn’t care about the preparations, and he doesn’t get what the big deal is about paper anyway.

What is really happening has little to do with how much anyone cares, but with how they operate. Most guys are ‘headline’ oriented and not particularly detail minded. We usually focus on the big picture, considering the major points of action but not really spending a lot of time dotting ‘i’s or crossing ‘t’s. We are problem solvers at heart and will want to work out logistics, but not aesthetics. So the color of the paper is irrelevant to us. However, if someone was to ask us to work out the cheapest and fastest way to distribute the invitations, then our attitude would be completely different. It is about recognizing the different strengths you both have and playing to them. If he is interested in deciding the flowers for the altar arrangement, by all means include him. But if not, why would you put him through that? Instead, enjoy the freedom to do it yourself, or with Mom or your girlfriends. Come back to him with your preference (he will likely agree) and then maybe you can hand over the problem of ordering and arranging delivery to him. Whether it is invitations or transport, his attention will be best held by logistics and need, rather than details and decoration. Don’t hold it against him, just recognize the inclination and work with it. You may well find that instead of bumps in the road, the preparations actually make things smoother both leading up to and beyond the wedding.