$841

45

A year ago I decided to do up a handful songs and make a real, tangible, album. To complete my goal, I traveled extensively throughout the world in a small plastic canoe with nothing but a pet pigeon named Dirk; I soaked in the wisdom of fu-manchu'd Tibetan monks; I grew a rad beard and lived alone on the highlands. After much meditation, I came to the realization that I'd need a few bucks to complete my mission. You'd think I'd have guessed that from the start, but I was under the impression that some Kentuckian company would print me a few thousand CDs out of the plain goodness of its heart. I was wrong: about money, about people in Kentucky. Dawning was the day when I would have to forge my own path and create my own destiny. My innocence was in its twilight; the sun was rising upon reality.

Ladies and gentlemen, that day is upon me.

I don't have the fortune to be on good terms with any Warren Buffets, so I'm asking you, friends, family, not-friends-but-maybe-we've-said-hi-in-the-halls, for the dough. Hey, watch the little video thing. Come talk to me, maybe we can work a deal. And tell everyone you can, 'cause this thing's only going to last a couple days; October 5th is coming faster than you'd think.

I owe my mom a thank you for letting me use her entire identity and credit card to run this Kickstarter project (the guidelines require you to be 18). She's overseeing it, officially. Besides that, she drives me to shows and lets me live in her house and eat all her food. So thanks, mom.

Kickstarter is not a store.

Pledge $35 or more
About $35

If I was of age, I'd say we go grab a beer, on me. But since I'm not, you're getting the album ASAP, with a very honest thank you note, and forever a smile on my lips when I see your face. Come here, I want a hug.

Kickstarter is not a store.

Pledge $50 or more
About $50

I love you. Seriously, though, you're funding 50/600ths of what I'm trying to earn here. I'd say that is by far the neatest thing I've heard of in a while, but "neat" does you no justice. You're more like...saintly. I will mail you an album and a thank you note, and you know what, why don't you just move into my house? I have a bunkbed, we can ask my mom.

Kickstarter is not a store.

Pledge $100 or more
About $100

You just provided for one sixth of what I'm asking for. In your honor, the community will erect a brass statue of you and your favorite historical figure on a large pedestal in the town square (sadly, there's no guarantee of that; the New Statue Committee can be just a bit obtuse). There are, however, some things I can guarantee, and those are 1) a copy of Little Mountain 2) a limerick composed by me for/about you 3) my hand in marriage, and 4) (if whoever decides what is accepted into Wikipedia allows it) an extensive Wikipedia article about you, written by yours truly. Although that is a true honor in our society, in no way does it compensate for your immense financial donation to my project. So besides all that, you have my heartfelt, there's-a-lump-in-my-throat-and-I-can't-talk thank you.