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Friday, February 5, 2010

Note: I got this in an email today and couldn't resist posting. Don't be put off by the address line or what looks like political nature or this memo. This may not be a political blog BUT the subject matter definitely fits here.......and it just might give you a much needed good laugh.

TO: President Barack ObamaRE: Economic Recovery Stimulus Ideas

Mr. President,It has come to my attention that you're having some challenges with theEconomy. If I understand things correctly, we're in a recession,Consumer confidence and spending is down, credit is tight, investors areSpooked, we need renewable energy, and health care costs are through theRoof. Trillions of dollars, not to mention our future, are at stake. Mr.President, I'm just a regular citizen, but I think I have a solution.

Give every American a horse.

My proposal may not make sense to you at first, but let me give you aLittle background. First of all, horses in the U.S. Are a multi-billionDollar industry, and that's just at my house. I suggest you have yourEconomic advisors do a little research on the spending around horseOwnership. You'd be surprised, Mr. President.

Start by visiting the tack and clothing retailers like State Line orDover. Look at the variety of goods available there. Now take intoAccount that every horse owner, especially if it's a woman, is buyingNot just one or two, but tons of these items. Believe me.

So my thinking is that if you give every American a horse, starting whenThey reach the horse-receptive age of 10, you're going to do twoThings: boost consumer confidence and boost spending immediately.

Horses make us feel good, and once Americans all own horses (at thegovernment's expense, of course), they will all logically fall into thePattern that every horse owner succumbs to: accessorizing.

For starters, we need horse-care implements like buckets and muck rakes,Hoof picks and curry combs. And we need at least basic tack, halter,Lead line, saddle, saddle pad, bridle and bit. But then the fun begins.Zebra print leg wraps. Neon bright fly masks. An assortment of sheetsAnd blankets for all seasons; you've got your cooler, your lightweightBlanket, your medium blanket, your heavy blanket. Then there is yourStable sheet and your pasture sheet. Also your hoodie, and tail wrap items.And that's just the clothing for the horse. Don't get me started on theClothing for the rider, even if he or she doesn't show. Since mostAmericans don't have a basic riding wardrobe, the stores would beSwamped for jeans, boots, breeches, T-shirts, dozens of pairs of cute boot socks, and the ubiquitous ball cap.Tell the retailers to get ready. It'll be Christmas all year long.

Now lets talk about support industries. In addition to the usual veterinarian and farrier expenditures, people also give their horsesChiropractic, massage and acupuncture, not to mention buying moreBeauty products for their horses than they do for themselves. All thoseProfessions and industries will benefit. And of course there will be aBig spike in hay and grain demand, so the farmers will be happy too.You see, that's the secret to jump-starting consumer spending throughMy stimulus package. People will spend money on their horses when theyWon't spend money on anything else!

But, your advisors might say, there's a catch. Aren't we paying thePrice, in global warming, of the large number of livestock animals weCurrently have? They produce all that methane!

Ah, Mr. President, here is the real beauty of this idea. When you introduce the Methane-Assisted Natural Unrefined Renewable EnergyPlan (M.A.N.U.R.E.), you'll be a hero for coming up with anAlternative, renewable, home-grown source of clean energy. JustChallenge the energy gurus to come up with a methane gas collectionSystem that can harness all the natural resource produced by all thoseHorses to power our cities. Talk about shovel ready projects:M.A.N.U.R.E. Fits the bill!

And you keep stressing how we need new industries for investment; well, under the M.A.N.U.R.E. Plan you can sell Petroleum Offset Opportunity units to investors. By buying these units, investors canHelp us gradually convert from a petroleum-based economy to one based onHorse P.O.O.

Health care costs will go down, too, as everyone cares for their horses.You can give tax credits based on the amount of time people spendWorking, riding and hanging out with their horses, which willAutomatically make them healthier. (Don't tell the docs, but most horseOwners already get their own basic healthcare from their vet.)

One more thing: everyone is annoyed by these corporate CEOs and theirBig bonuses in a down economy. So give the executives, say, one horseFor every $100,000 of bonus money they've received. Those bonuses willBe plowed back into the economy in no time.

Finally, because you, Mrs. O, and the girls are such role models, youcan encourage us all by getting a pony for Sasha and Malia. It willteach them responsibility, help the First Lady plow the garden, and as abonus: free fertilizer for the Rose Garden.

What a great stimulus package. And the fact that we could find homes for all of the horses that need homes would be another bonus. Don't know about you, but my horse gets much better gas mileage than my car. I've sworn for years that I'd ride my horse to work if I could. There might be an increase in methane emissions, but definitely a decrease in all of the automobile emissions if we all rode to work.