If your daughter brings home a pretentious college boy this Thanksgiving, you're obligated to pretend to like him. But if she compassionately brings home a family of Syrian refugees, you don’t have to stand for that. Here are 6 questions you should ask to help suss out whether this is a freshman fling or a fearful family from Fairouzeh.

1. Would You Like Some Pork?

If they say no because they’re on the 30-Day Halal Diet, it’s a dipshit college boy.

If they say pork is not halal, but they’ll make an exception because they have not had a nutritious meal in over two years, they’re a refugee family. Kick them out.

2. What Are You Studying?

If they don’t answer because they weren’t planning on declaring before their 5th year, it’s a college boy.

If they don’t answer because formal education was previously forbidden, they’re a refugee family. Show them the door.

3. What’s Your Biggest Fear?

If they say spiders, it’s a college boy.

If they name a particular species of spider, the sound it makes, and the hours it hunts, they’re a refugee family. Kindly tell them they’re not welcome.

4. What Are You Thankful For?

If they say “just being here,” and you believe them, it’s a refugee family. Send them packing.

5. Who Are You Rooting For in the Football Game?

This is a hard one. If they say “to me, football actually means soccer,” it could either be a pretentious college student or a refugee family. So ask a follow up....