Same Sex Marriage Name Change-Culture Shifts

Same Sex Marriage Name Change-Consider This

2 people get married in Los Angeles in 1913. Does one take the other’s last name? Yes.

The Woman takes the man’s last name and no one even considers that to be a real question. In early 20th century Los Angeles, there were committed same sex couples, but “marriage” wasn’t really an option, even intellectually speaking. So, if 2 people were getting married, it could only have been a man and a woman.

2 people get married in Los Angeles in 2013. Does one take the other’s last name? Depends.

California courts have made it legal for same sex couples to wed and that decision has been upheld by the U.S. Supreme Court as of the summer of 2013. And so, a marriage in Los Angeles in 2013 and thereafter might not even involve a woman, or a man.

Same Sex Marriage Name Change isn’t easier

Should each newlywed keep their own names? Should they both adopt a hyphenated version of their collective names? Should one take the other’s last name? Or, maybe these two have even a different Name Change idea in mind?

With the onset of legal marriage in California, same-sex couples get to wrestle with these Name Change options the same way that opposite-sex newlyweds have been doing since Californians have been filling out marriage licenses. Before legalized civil marriage by same-sex couples, a Legal Name Change through the marriage license wasn’t possible. So that particular problem wasn’t in the air…at least not in quite that way. But, now it is!

The question “What will your married name be?” is now the collision point of two cultural shift lines for ALL Californians (thanks to the U.S. Supreme Court affirmation of the California Decision overturning California’s Proposition 8 [2008 ballot initiative establishing that government issued marriage licenses could only be issued to a couple consisting of one man and one woman of legal age]). Same sex couples, along with their opposite-sex couple counterparts, will now be thinking about this question like none of their predecessors did just a hundred years before. They will have many similar attractions and concerns, but they will have different ones too.

Every couple getting married in 2013 will consider whether to change names or not. There are opposite-sex marriages now where both husband and wife will adopt identical hyphenated last names or keep their respective pre-marital last names. Of course, most of the opposite-sex couples will go the traditional route where the female takes the male’s last name as her own after marriage. There will be the rarer occasion where the man will adopt the woman’s last name after marriage (another situation that couldn’t be found in earlier times). In every one of these opposite-sex possibilities, the name changers will thereafter feel differently, in part (to be sure) because they just got married. But, in part because their New Name frames the fact that they have a new identity – a New Name always carries with it the awareness of a new beginning.

But, what about the same-sex couple newly married in 2013 Los Angeles? Whether they are two men or two women, they are likely to have all the same questions, thoughts, anxieties, and curiousness as there heterosexual counterparts. Should I give up my family name and take my spouse’s? Or, should I maintain my personal identity even while joining in marriage with my partner? Those questions are universal and don’t depend upon sexual orientation. Those questions are personal, and are often the subject of discussion or argument…hopefully before marriage. The answers to these questions are no longer a foregone conclusion, but merit reflection about professional, financial, familial, and aspirational considerations concerning both newlyweds-to-be. It’s very personal, and very important.

Same-sex couples have an added layer of complexity to the question of whether or not to change names at marriage. There may well be a issue connected with public disclosure. Are either of the partners closeted with family, work, etc.? For work considerations, whether for current or future possibilities, are there any negative consequences to revealing the marriage? The flip side is more and more true too. Does one or the other partner, or both wish to loudly announce to the world that they are now joined in marriage? Might there be professional, financial, social, familial or other advantages to be gained by such proclamations. And, might there be the sense of personal achievement that one gets by “doing things that can’t be done”, to be realized by having names changed through the marriage in the way opposite-sex couples have done for eons?

2014 is now here, but it’s not all fully played out just yet. So here are a few predictions.

In time, same-sex couples will do Name Changes in about the same ratio as opposite sex couples. Sexual orientation isn’t a factor in that very personal space where two people in love are wondering about the way they want to think of themselves and the way they want the world to think of them.

More and more newlyweds will be taking a hyphenated combination last name, as their married name. As society at large embraces all people more equally, newlyweds will choose to commemorate their own union, and both of their heritages with their married name…instead of honoring just one of their families.

After deciding which Last Name to have when filling out their Marriage Licenses, same-sex couples will change their minds about as often as same-sex couples do in the weeks, months, and years go by and having your name be exactly the way you want it gets clearer with life experience. Welcome to the way of the whole world :)[space height=”20″]

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