“The Apprentice L.A.”: Test your knowledge of Tim’s loyalty!

A.) Nicole; He didn’t “fight for her” when she was moved to the other team.

B.) Team Arrow; He still likes Nicole even though she’s on the other team.

C.) Both Nicole AND Team Arrow; Well … we’re still working on that one.

D.) Everyone on Planet Earth; Why the heck not?

Okay. Time’s up. Pencils down.

The answer? How should I know?

And, in the long run, who really cares?

Why should we care about the perceived loyalty of a guy in a contest against a bunch of “teammates” who would stab him dead in the back of an alley if it meant five minutes alone with the “Big Donald” at any moment in time.

And remember, these are “teammates” who will cease to be “teammates,” even under the best of circumstances, within a task or two, anyway.

Which is all a long way of saying I just didn’t get it Sunday night, as the issue of whether or not Tim was a “loyal” guy took center stage in an episode that was, well, not as awful as most of ’em, but still a long way from being something that can be taken seriously.

But, on the plus side, it did feature James and Frank … two of the loudest people on the planet … ironicallyearnestly declaring that Tim was “overbearing.” (This after Frank bellows “They are our enemy! Hate them!” at Tim.)

So, that was something.

The vital stats:

The Big Fight: Tim — who’s literally worn a hole in the hedge from his constant mooning over Nicole — is confronted by James, who sat in on last week’s boardroom meeting and relays a not-really-quite-that-accurate translation of what Nicole supposedly said to Trump at the end.

This, of course, calls Tim’s “loyalty” into question, and led to an enraged Frank screaming the “They are our enemy!” line.

It was awesome.

Project managers: James (Arrow holdover) vs. Heidi (Kinetic)

The Task: Working at the Los Angeles Times, design an advertising insert for something called Smart Mouth mouthwash. Winning team is determined by a pair of Smart Mouth executives, who will probably have lots of Smart Mouth comments and Smart Mouth advice to the Smart Mouth wannabes. Sorry, I was having a little too much fun with that.

Arrow’s Horrible Plan: (Concept almost entirely by Tim, who’s even more manic than usual due to the whole “You’re disloyal!” crap.) Grab a bunch of people off the street. (Not homeless, but regular people … mostly.) Photograph them in bathrobes.

Y’know, because of “morning breath?” Throw in a bunch of “scientific mumbo jumbo” (lots about “ZINC ION TECHNOLOGY!”) and let the magic happen.

Kinetic’s Horrible Plan: Pretty much the same thing … only use the three remaining Kinetic gals instead of the homeless … and forget the mumbo jumbo about science … and make it more of an “all day” thing, not just “morning breath” … oh, and make the insert bottle shaped! Come to think of it, it’s not much like Arrow’s horrible plan at all. In fact, it’s actually a decent plan. Wait … have I been struck by lightning yet?

Things Are Going Badly At Arrow: They’re having trouble getting the homeless to pose properly. Plus, they put Frank in charge of the photo shoot, and he’s having major doubts about whether it’s a good idea. Everybody else agrees it’s bad form of Frank to say negative things about the concept.

Things Are Going Badly At Kinetic: Heidi has seized control of the project and the other two Kineticans are feeling marginalized. In other words, things are going about as well as can be expected.

The Results: The Smart Mouth execs say mediocre things about Arrow, but practically FAWN over Kinetic’s deal. If we haven’t learned anything about marketing execs yet, we’ve learned they love to see their own product, displayed as prominently and as many times as possible.

Needless to say, Kinetic wins.

Kinetic’s Reward: It sounded lame, but Trump promised them “world class chefs” cooking for them back at the mansion. Turns out it’s the team’s family members (a husband and two mothers) that are the “chefs.” So, it’s only a slightly lame reward.

I kid, of course, and Kristine’s husband actually is a world-class chef, so there’s that. But the other team got to meet Schwarzenegger … and Kinetic gets their moms? Lame-oh.

Tim’s Pre-Boardroom Prep: Repeatedly asking his “teammates” if they want to discuss what they’ll do once they get into the boardroom. After being met with icy silence, declaring that sitting quietly is fine, too.

Frank’s Pre-Boardroom Prep: Sitting in the campground, defiantly chewing potato chips in the general direction of his “teammates” … open-mouthed.

Pre-Boardroom Prediction: It all adds up to Tim’s toast. It was his idea. It was his execution. His “teammates” have turned on him and Trump’s already convinced he’s a weasel for “mistreating” poor Nicole.

Spouse’s Position: Concurrence.

The Showdown: Wow, does Tim give it the best shot he can in that whiny little voice of his.

Frank is put on the defensive, but bellows back in his own, petulant manner.

Trump puts James on the spot: Which one would you keep?

To paraphrase, James suggests that — as his “muscle” — Frank is more valuable to the team … since James can take care of all that “thinkin'” stuff on his own. Frank, for some reason, isn’t all that upset about this characterization.

Tim makes what might be a fatal error … he cuts off Ivanka as she’s bashing him for dating Nicole.

And it’s on … Trump’s pulling out the Nicole 5-wood and teeing up.

Tim’s gone. (It’ll be interesting to see if Nicole suffers any damage due to all this. It does take two to tango, c’est pas?)

Prediction Record: I improve to 9-2. Wife is still a perfect 11-0.

Current Front-Runners: Heidi’s back in the star seat, but James might just get the gig. Of course, if either of them loses in the next few weeks, they’re probably out … but that’s a good place to start.