HERE AT Telegraph Towers there was a chorus of moans and groans as the press releases began to roll in on April 1, detailing weird and wacky stories that we all wished were true.

But among this year’s corny crop of tedious tales have been green pranks aplenty and some gems that have kept us chuckling over the bank holiday weekend.

The AA is tackling congestion with its new Rocketman patrols, allowing responders to park their vans ten minutes away from breakdowns, don a “lightweight jet-pack” and fly over grid locked traffic to the stricken vehicle.

Apparently a parachute is packed for emergencies.

London’s Waterloo and City tube line is set to be pedestrianised, saving fuel and encouraging passengers to get some exercise.

Virgin Media have been using ferrets to help lay broadband cables. Wearing little ferret jackets fitted with a microchip to analyse breaks and damages the animals have been scurrying along the network for more than a year during a low-key trial.

RSPB officer Dave Sexton got the shock of his life while out on a routine wildlife survey when he discovered an exhausted polar bear washed up on the Isle of Mull.

The bear, which is thought to have drifted across the to the island from Greenland on an ice floe, might want to try Google’s new animal translation service, finally allowing animals to fight for their own rights.

McDonald’s is axing plans for a worldwide composting initiative after scientists confirmed that no item on the menu is compostable.

And people struggling to land a hot date are urged to trade in old mobiles for a Pherophone - a new phone with built-in pheromones, helping you attract the opposite sex.

But you might want to keep the Pherophone with you to compensate for any negative effects from B&Q’s latest product.

Inventively named “Wee&Q It”, the one-litre bottle of urine, collected from B&Q’s customer toilets, will be sold to gardeners as a compost accelerator for just 10 pence.

And to cut down on packaging, B&Q recommends customers bring their own bottles to the store to be refilled for free.