How Dependent Are You on Your Significant Other?

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In college, my roommate was a girl whose parents were happily married—but lived in two different houses, down the street from each other. She had two younger siblings, and each night, the parents would decide whose turn it was to have dinner and have the kids over. Usually the other parent would join for dinner, and would sometimes stay over, but not necessarily. They were happy that way. And when I heard that, I thought it was the coolest thing ever.

I'm extremely independent. I sort of love finding myself in a strange airport and knowing I don't know anyone. I love knowing I can make my way home at any time of night. I like hanging out with myself. And so that's often the trickiest part of a relationship for me—the suddenly having someone who wants to check up on me, who worries about me doing stuff by myself. And I really fight that.

Anyway, I began thinking about this as I was talking to my brother—the one going through a hard time in his marriage. He's also ultra-independent. In his single-guy life, he'd go on solo camping trips for a few days at a time. And his wife likes doing stuff together. Obviously, that doesn't make or break a marriage, but he was surprised at how difficult it was to adjust to that.

Our parents have been happily married (for 38 years!), but they do a lot of things by themselves or with their own friends. So that's how my brother and I saw relationships. Meanwhile, my brother was telling me his wife's parents do everything—from grocery shopping to socializing to walking the dog—together. So when my brother wanted to hang out by himself, his wife saw it as a rejection of her, when really, it was just what he was used to.

So I guess that's one thing I know that I am looking for: someone who will let me be independent. Except, maybe if I find the right person, I'll find I enjoy having someone to have adventures with. So who knows? But all I do know is that the ultra-independence is a fundamental, ingrained part of my personality, and I know it might take a little extra time to find someone who I can share that with.

What about you? Do you and your significant other have the same expectations when it comes to independence/doing things on your own? And if not, how have you navigated that?