Uni starts up again super soon. I'm pretty damn keen to get back to a regular routine of books and friends. But it makes me sad to think of where I was this time last year..

I had just moved in with my boyfriend into our own flat, three minutes from the university. I was working at EB Games. I had just gotten my license and I was planning my eighteenth birthday. My boyfriend and I were so incredibly crazy in love too, which was amazing.

Now.. I'm living at my mums house again. I'm not having a party or going out or anything to celebrate my nineteenth. I will travel over an hour to and from my Uni three days a week. Oh and my absolutely polar opposite to me sister is back in the country and is coming to stay.

I don't actually know whether or not I've grown as a person. I feel less likely to just go out and do something because I want to. Less confident in myself. And I'm jealous of how my previous relationship felt, even though I'm with the same man again much has changed. I probably have less money now than I did then. I've less friends that I feel close to...

Gosh, this was supposed to be a happy comparison. One thing that's a semi positive is that if my relationship ended tomorrow I wouldn't be that torn up about it. We are on different paths and I am not moving to Japan with him when he goes in six months time. I don't even know if my body has really improved that much over the year... my boobs are bigger though so I guess that's a win.

Oh well, I'm one step closer to being a 20 year old with a uni degree. Hopefully next year I'll have my own place again. My new fish are cool.

But I don't haha. I want to appreciate my youth out on my own, learning things for myself, enjoying uni life etc. I feel as if I'm wasting my time here, but I do need to save and I miss my little sister when I move away.

Of course you do. Because you have ambition. Ironically, the people in this world who never feel like they are wasting their lives, are the ones totally wasting them.

Those with drive and a sense pf purpose are often plagued by a sense of urgency. You want to accomplish things in life and you want to do those thing NOW. Not in 3 years or 5 or 10.

That desire has NOTHING to do with wanting to grow older. Age has nothing to do with it. It's caused by being keenly aware that, regardless of age, you only have a few decades upon this earth to accomplish anything. So you better get moving...

^^ I love everything you wrote California. I've 10 days before university resumes. I'm working this evening, and tomorrow afternoon from 12. I'll find out my shifts for next week tomorrow. I've spent the majority of my day doing yoga between loading email attachments. I hate just sitting around waiting for things to happen.

But I don't haha. I want to appreciate my youth out on my own, learning things for myself, enjoying uni life etc. I feel as if I'm wasting my time here, but I do need to save and I miss my little sister when I move away.

Kinda my point... you've outgrown young...

however, you are right, in what you aspire to and unfortunately these kinds of things are things we all need to go through, and often help to appreciate our day-to-day lives more and what we need to do to alter/improve them.