Monday, May 10, 2010

Just me

I had a moment when I was at homeschool camp that I thought would never come. I was meeting lots of new and amazing parents for the first time and I felt comfortable with who I am and how I parent. It's been a long time coming. I feel like I've been a teenager for a long time in the style department-trying on different looks and ways of adorning my body. I have been at war with my fat for what seems like forever and now we have had a truce. I like who I am and don't feel like I need to impress anyone or hide parts of myself.

I know in the hippie lala circles I get funny looks for Harper having a dummy. That's OK because I feel OK with her having one. I know to some of my friends talk of body hair and patriarchy is cliche and worthy of eye rolling. That's OK because I am comfortable with my own beliefs on those sort of subjects. I know in some circles there is fear for my children missing out by being unschooled. That's OK because I know they won't and that your hearts are in the right place. I can eat meat in front of the vegans and refuse chocolate when I don't feel like it. I can have strong opinions about things without alienating myself.

I am related to and friends with a pretty broad spectrum of people with a very broad spectrum of beliefs. I won't pretend that this is all sunshine and rainbows, I find being the odd one out frustrating at times and it does cause friction when strong opinions clash. But I don't feel that I need to be more hippie/mainstream/passionate or not to fit in. I don't feel that I need to hide the fact that I nightweaned my kids or ate some of Harper's placenta anymore just because I didn't want to be different. I am different. Isn't everyone? I sometimes feel that I'm way not mainstream but maybe too practical to be a hard core hippie too. But I don't really need to be "one size fits all".

I think I'm a pretty good Mother. Of course I am not perfect-who is? But on the whole I am happy with how Luke and I are raising our children. I know that my faults and strengths are my own and that our family is as unique as myself. I read this blog post today and just loved it. Being unique and not feeling bad about it is something I feel pretty much at peace with. I'm just me-no apologies or compromise.

8 comments:

Hi, I am a mini stalker, but not a creepy one and only a little bit weird, I promise. But I thought it time to come out of the shadows to let you know I really respect and enjoy your blog. You set a great example for all mothers and I appreciate it.

Yeah, I am so looking forward to getting to where you are with that, despite the occasional frustration. I find myself in the angry "I can do it my way and I damn well WILL and WATCH ME!" stage... which is good for now because it's the push I need to take the leap of being myself utterly and fully, but I look forward to the stage where it's I do my thing, you do yours, ce la vie.

Do you fell all grown up? I know I did when I suddenly realised that I owned my choices (especially parenting and family ones I still have some personal self esteem issues that haunt me) and that I am ok with that...rain hail or shine.