So I wanted to let you know, Me and John broke up. I got really drunk and I was to the point of almost blacking out and I played around with a guy and told John and he broke up with me.

We got to talk later tonight about it over the phone more on a personal level and he just can't ever trust me again to ever be with me again, He still loves me but he just can't.

I completely destroyed his love and he is completely heart broken, Al though he isn't taking it as rough as I am... I'm in complete denial about it, I mean I know we've broken up but I keep bringing it up and I keep fighting with him on it, It's not even fighting it's just well not even bickering. Talking rofl, I keep telling him I love him and I can't lose him and he is my first love so I'm really taking this hard, Even John could just tell from my voice when he called that I had to of cried at least 6 hours out of the day, Which he was very correct on, Tears galore and baby sobbing.

At this point I'm trying to let time do the work, Trust takes time to make things right and effort in small but useful ways.

At some point I will give up on him but as for right now at this moment, I just can't.

Oh god no, I'm a god of girly drinks hahahaha. Lighter fruits take weaker alcohol while stronger fruits you basically can put as much as you want in (Max would being 50/50 half fruit half vodka/tequila usually.)