wonderings, wanderings, adventures, and ponderings

With Different Eyes

Everything’s the same, but nothing is familiar. Vermont’s no different than when I left (as stunningly picturesque as always), but everything in my life is so radically different that it feels I am covering new ground.

And I guess in a way, I am.

Part of the reason why it’s so different probably has to do with my housing situation. Sure, I have a place to sleep, but it’s not the most practical location. Also, the thought of being there alone gives me the jeebies. It’s not that there’s bad energy – the place is brand new – but everything echoes, and it’s so silent…but with a dog to care for, stability can be key. It’s much harder to couch surf with an 8 month old pup.

Man, I’m not used to this. I’ve always been surrounded by peers, friends, people I could just be around without having to face my own inner turmoil. Things are a bit different now that I’m a “floater”, I guess. I feel estranged, disconnected, unsure of what to do with myself.

[To top it all off, I might add, I’m sitting in a McDonald’s of all places. Don’t fret – I’m merely leeching off of their free WiFi (I didn’t even buy the usual obligatory $1 coffee) – but just being in here is kinda depressing.]

Divine guidance has been on my mind a lot lately.

I know there’s something out there for me, but it’s all so damn elusive lately.

It’s all a test, it’s all a quest,

but just a little something tangible to hold onto would be nice.

I pray for the gentle rains of spiritual enlightenment

and self-compassion to nourish the

parched roots of faith within my soul.

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About claireaudient

North Carolina girl, born and raised, though now I consider Vermont to be home as well. I guess you could say I'm a migrant gypsy farmer, if you were prone to saying such things. I've played the whole society game; I've been to three different colleges, have an Associate's Degree (in Liberal Studies, or something like that), and have worked more restaurant jobs than I care to admit.
Through a curious series of events, however, I've formed a different perspective on what life means to me. Instead of slaving away at a job I hate to eke out a mediocre life staring at a shiny screen, I'm living out my dream to travel while learning organic farming and sustainability practices. It's not always easy, but leaving the comforts of routine to experience the wonders of the universe was a choice I will never regret.
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