I'm asking this because we recently heard from an acquaintance who is fundraising for the expense of burying a relative. Only friends are being solicited, none of them really know the relative, no one knows what the immediate family thinks of this, and the kicker is that she (the relative in question) is still alive but will probably pass soon. It's a very sad situation and one we find very bizarre.

I've heard of collections being taken up for new homes, career changes, weddings, adoptions, etc but this seems to me so far outside the realm of bad taste that I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't heard it myself.

So what havse you been asked to contribute to that you just couldn't believe?

I've solicited funds for a funeral and burial before. Not everyone is prepared for final expenses or has family that can pay. Why do you find this in "bad taste?"

I'm asking this because we recently heard from an acquaintance who is fundraising for the expense of burying a relative. Only friends are being solicited, none of them really know the relative, no one knows what the immediate family thinks of this, and the kicker is that she (the relative in question) is still alive but will probably pass soon. It's a very sad situation and one we find very bizarre.

I've heard of collections being taken up for new homes, career changes, weddings, adoptions, etc but this seems to me so far outside the realm of bad taste that I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't heard it myself.

So what havse you been asked to contribute to that you just couldn't believe?

I've solicited funds for a funeral and burial before. Not everyone is prepared for final expenses or has family that can pay. Why do you find this in "bad taste?"

I'm unclear as to what part of someone else's lack of planning means a solicitation attempt, but here is what I found off-putting in the OP's story.

1. This is an acquaintance, 2. asking for money for a relative that the friends had not met,3. they don't know what the immediate family thinks (which would make me suspicious that they don't know funds are being solicited, and might mean some accountability for that money. Is it actually going where the acquaintance says it is? is a top question here4. The kicker: the person in question is still very much alive.

I'm asking this because we recently heard from an acquaintance who is fundraising for the expense of burying a relative. Only friends are being solicited, none of them really know the relative, no one knows what the immediate family thinks of this, and the kicker is that she (the relative in question) is still alive but will probably pass soon. It's a very sad situation and one we find very bizarre.

I've heard of collections being taken up for new homes, career changes, weddings, adoptions, etc but this seems to me so far outside the realm of bad taste that I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't heard it myself.

So what havse you been asked to contribute to that you just couldn't believe?

I've solicited funds for a funeral and burial before. Not everyone is prepared for final expenses or has family that can pay. Why do you find this in "bad taste?"

For me there are a few things that put this over the line of bad taste. Although acquaintance in question is not well off financially we are being asked to assume that there is not a single person in the family who can contribute for a funeral. Frankly, we don't know anything about the family. I definitely don't presume to know the financial situation of others but this is literally the only person in this family that we know and from what we've heard this is just one person asking friends from all over for the money.

This is not something who is a member of our community or who lives even close, we have never met the relative, had never before heard of the relative until it came up. (for the record, I do not doubt the existence of the relative or the intent of the asking.)

The amounts being sought is high, as it would be for the expense of a burial in a cemetery with a headstone and a casket with a full viewing and all the works. But while all people are entitled to be given respect in death I balk at the idea that people are entitled to this kind of funeral with all the trimmings. There are less expensive options available for the family. If no one in the family can front the money for a funeral with the works I don't understand why friends and casual acquaintances are being asked to do so informally by one member of the family.

We knew of some people who were soliciting funds for their daughter and some others to go to London, UK, during spring break as missionaries. They stated that [deity] had told them to go and save people. We declined to contribute.

The things that people claim that [deity] has told them to do always amaze me.

Sorry am I missing something? London? They want to go to London, one of the most affluent and culturally diverse tourist cities in the world, for missionary reasons? Did diety tell them which show in the west end too? ;-)

Not all missionaries dig wells or build schools. Some simply share their beliefs and hope to convince othets, even affluent well-educated cosmopolitan types of the validity of their beliefs.

Thanks for clarifying. I actually honestly believed that missionary work was performed from the first world to third world or disaster areas. This is why I like this site, you learn new things all the time.

My company is owned by a wealthy family. They are known for throwing their wealth around in public, but pinching pennies when it comes to spending it on their employees in the form of raises, bonuses, time off, etc. A lot of full-timers have second jobs to pay the bills. One day we got a mass email that the owner's cousin (who wasn't associated with the company in any way) has passed away and that the family would be collecting money to plant a tree on the owner's home property. All but a few people declined the offer.

A few years ago, my mother-in-law called and asked my husband to buy his college-aged niece (his sister's kid), a NEW car. The kid's old car had died and hubby's sister could not afford to buy her another one. Basically, they wanted to take the kid to a dealership, let her pick out a car, and put hubby on the hook for the monthly payments.

He said HELL TO THE NO. For one thing, when he was that age, nobody bought HIM a car, new or used. He had this little thing known as a JOB (which his niece does not have), bought himself an old junker van, and learned to fix it up himself. These people also live in an area where there is decent public transportation, so why can't the kid take the bus until she can get a job and save for a car?

Also, our current car was starting to die, and we were trying to decide if it was worth fixing, or if we should just replace it. At the time, we could only afford one car payment, and we actually need a car because there is no public transit to his work. He might have been willing to contribute something toward a used car, with the stipulation that niece get a job and pay her share. He did not want to be tied to a debt for someone else. But no, it had to be NEW, and getting a job was not an option, as she was SO BUSY with school. Yeah, right, when hubby was at MIT, which IS a hard school, he still managed to work weekends.

We ended up buying a new car for ourselves, but never told his family (they live hundreds of miles away from us, thank goodness!), because then we'd never hear the end of it. MIL ended up giving HER car to the niece and buying a new one for herself, then blamed hubby because she couldn't really afford the payments. Well, if niece were willing to step up, look for a job that she can take the bus to (plentiful where they live) and accept help toward a used car, we would have helped. As it was, she had to settle for Grandma's used car anyway.

I just get annoyed when people are so free to try to spend other people's money, but things change when they have to spend their own.

I don't know that burial in a cemetary is that muvh of a "tri,ming", nor does some sort of headstone serm like a huge luxury.

Parking my first (and final) POD right here. I think that you're making uncharitable assumptions, flickan. You aren't required to give at all, but even the simplest funeral and final expenses can cost more than the person has put aside. My mother had no funeral and was cremated straight from the hospital, and it still cost $1700 back in 1998.

Not all missionaries dig wells or build schools. Some simply share their beliefs and hope to convince othets, even affluent well-educated cosmopolitan types of the validity of their beliefs.

Thanks for clarifying. I actually honestly believed that missionary work was performed from the first world to third world or disaster areas. This is why I like this site, you learn new things all the time.

The type my cousins do (which I mentioned upthread) involves standing on street corners, shouting and handing out pamphlets.

I don't know that burial in a cemetary is that muvh of a "tri,ming", nor does some sort of headstone serm like a huge luxury.

Parking my first (and final) POD right here. I think that you're making uncharitable assumptions, flickan. You aren't required to give at all, but even the simplest funeral and final expenses can cost more than the person has put aside. My mother had no funeral and was cremated straight from the hospital, and it still cost $1700 back in 1998.

The amount being asked for is well in excess of $1700.

I don't think anyone is entitled to the expense of a funeral or a plot or a gravestone. If it were an issue of "I cannot even afford the cost of cremation" I might be a little more sympathetic, but this is asking for a full service burial. And this is asking people who have never met the relative. Surely if there are methods for and times when requesting money to take care of one's deceased is appropriate and acceptable this is not one of them.

I don't want to sound like a cynic but the idea of teen-aged 'missionaries' soliciting money to spend Spring Break in London sounds a bit fishy.

Will they be teaming up with an established mission of their denomination in London? If that's the case I could see contributing to the cause.

Will they just be heading out to Speaker's Corner and spouting forth? If that's the case the answer will be a resounding 'Nope'.

We don't see it much these days but it used to be a common practice for seminary students to do street-corner preaching. The idea was that it helped them hone their sermon and personal interaction skills. However, these were people of University age.

For High School students it sounds more like a lark than anything else and could be outright dangerous.

Regarding the missionaries to London, from a religious standpoint, large metropolitan cities are often areas where moral teachings are most in need. (For a reverse on the typical trope, the silent movie "Broken Blossoms" starts with a Chinese monk coming to the West to proselytize, because he believes its inhabitants are desperately in need of the peace he's found in Buddhism. Ultimately, the depravity in our society breaks him.)

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My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."