Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Meet Your Neighbor

Won’t you be my neighbor? Hi, neighbor!

In an effort to better understand what makes Packers’ fans tick in our Packer Neighborhood, I have come up with a list of questions that, in my humble opinion, will tell you everything you’ll ever need to know about the people behind the scenes of the numerous and exceptional Packers’ blogs. These are the guys Robert and I read on a daily basis and you should too if you call yourself a fan.

First up, I present to you, Alex, from Packers Lounge. Good humor, a critical eye, and intense passion for all things Green Bay fuel this blog. Without further ado, I give you the Packer Ranter Neighborhood Interview:

1) If you woke up in the middle of the night, and Ted Thompson was standing over your bed watching you sleep, what would you offer him to drink? (that's the polite thing to do) Why?

First off, let me make it abundantly clear that I want Ted nowhere near my bed at anytime. Secondly, if he was watching me sleep it would be hard to offer him anything. This being said, I would approach the situation Santa Claus style by making sure to leave out something every night lest I miss him.

Instead of the traditional glass of milk, I think Ted would appreciate a bottle of True Blood. You know, the stuff the vampires drink in the HBO series. I don’t know if Ted is a vampire, but I do know the guy looks like something straight out of Revenge of the Zombies. Ted Thompson is the living dead at the very least. This is yet another reason for him to stay the hell out of my bedroom.

2) What's your favorite '80s hair band, and how do you relate them to the Packers? (this is relative, you may hate 80's hair bands, but if you had to choose one, who would it be)

Everybody knows that the greatest 80’s hair band is a tossup between Warrant and Winger. With classics like “She’s only Seventeen” and “The Down Boys” both bands reek of spandex and Aqua Net. Granted, Motley Crue, RATT, Tesla, Autograph, Cinderella, Fire House, Poison, Def Leppard, and Whitesnake all deserve high marks, Warrant and Winger simply are unmatched in their ultra lameness.

How does this relate to the Packers? How the hell is anyone supposed to answer that? If I had to take a stretch, Rick Allen, the drummer from Def Leppard had one arm. This immediately makes me think of Justin Harrell, except Rick Allen was good.

3) Which cheddar is beddar: mild, medium, or sharp? Subquestion: How the hell does California think they can make cheese?Sharp cheddar is the best cheese there is. I should know I eat a ton of it. Little known fact, I drink two gallons of milk every week and eat a block of cheese. Milk is my favorite drink of all time. Being partial to that product, and its production in my home state of Wisconsin, California can take a flying $%^# at a rolling cheese log.
4) If John Rambo, in his prime of First Blood Part II, played for the Packers, which position would he play? Is he Pro Bowl material, or just a serviceable player?Rambo would never make the Packers squad because he is not Packer people. I mean the guy is tough but he can’t take direction. I mean how many times did Rambo ignore orders from John Murdock? Ted Thompson would never have any of that, look at Anthony Smith. Rambo would most likely be in the secondary somewhere, but due to his height disadvantage he might only be a special teamer. Regardless, after he gutted out a couple players in week one with his big ass serrated Bowie knife, he would probably be cut.5) Ty Webb or Jeffrey Lebowski?Caddy Shack is classic of course, but basic cable is ruining the #$%& out of it. I like the dude in The Big Lebowski, but I think bowling is schwag. I will have to go with golf on this one.
6) If you woke up tomorrow and the Packers ceased to exist and no one but you remembered them, how would you convince everyone they are the greatest organization in sports?

If no one knew the Packers existed, they would also not know that I wasn’t President of the World. So, before I addressed the Packers I would make sure world domination was intact first. After that, I could pretty much tell people whatever I wanted as the sovereign leader. I wouldn’t have to do much convincing, but I would leave out the whole Joe Johnson part, and probably omit Favre for the addition that included the lengthy career of Don Majkowksi.

For the record, I think Cheeseheads are lame as hell. Being from Wisconsin, whenever you go anywhere else all people do is identifying with that stupid orange foam atrocity. It’s a travesty. Who ever invented that S.O.B. should be tarred and feathered. Dumbass.I’m not a big fan of the other two either. Best invention in my mind… the Packer Potato Head.

Wow, Alex, I don't know what I expected, but I have to admit you far exceeded any subconscious expectations I may have had in regards to your responses to these questions. It's good to know you're out there sharing your views on the Packers.
RE: the 80's hair band relation to the Packers, if you want to talk sometime about 80's hair bands, I would be more than willing to relate them to anything.

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