The internet was on fire yesterday with the shocking news that Ashton Kutcher has been cast as the lead in a biopic about Steve Jobs. Of course, that’s the only reason anyone would cast Ashton Kutcher in a biopic about Steve Jobs, so that people would write about it. Speaking of, how’s Lindsay Lohan’s Linda Lovelace biopic coming along?

Ashton Kutcher is attached to star as Steve Jobs in Jobs, an independent biopic being produced and financed by Five Star Institute’s Mark Hulme. Wasting no time, Joshua Michael Stern is set to begin principal photography in May while Kutcher is on hiatus from the CBS sitcom Two and a Half Men.

Ooh, clever title! Hmm, well this is odd, I haven’t heard of Mark Hulme, and neither has IMDB. What’s “Five Star Institute,” you ask? Well it sounds like an institution that would advertise during daytime judge shows with a girl who raps their 800 number, but according to their awesome flash site:

The Five Star Institute is the premier provider of education for the real estate professional, providing innovative and unparalleled academics developed by industry authorities.

Sounds like the perfect background for someone getting into the movie business! Director Josh Michael Stern, meanwhile, you may remember (though probably not) from Swing Vote, the ultimately money-losing classic about a presidential election coming down to the vote of one Joe Sixpack, played by Kevin Costner. But he also directed The Contractor, with Wesley Snipes.

It’s a high-profile assignment for Kutcher, and Jobs looks to get off the ground before Sony pulls together its own biopic on the man behind Apple Inc. Last fall, Sony snapped up the film rights to the authorized biography by Walter Isaacson that was published within weeks of Jobs’ Oct. 5 death. [THR]

Oh, you mean a real movie company is doing a different Steve Jobs biopic based on actual source material? But how will they ever hope to compete? I mean this one has ASHTON KUTCHER.

UPDATE: ”You’re a moron and you have reprinted [albeit with annotated notes making it more than a reprint and more like an original annotated blog comment]a copyrighted news article without proper attribution so if you don’t remove it I’ll be forced to take legal action.” — Guess Who Said That?

I might be wrong about this, I often am, and my batting average for
movie predictions of this sort is 50 50, but reading all the stories
on this Ashton Kutcher role in an indie Steve Jobs movie hyped to the
media as if it was a done deal when in fact it is not a done deal at all.

And
the hype has already appeared in dozens of trade papers in Hollywood,
it needs to be said that
this movie talk is just talk, there is no done deal, the movie has not
been greenlighted, and there is a very strong probability you will
never see this movie because it will never get made.
There I said it: this movie will never get made. Get over it fanboys
and fangirls.

I really do believe that this movie will NEVER get made and it will
NOT happen. This entire news cycle on the Ashton Kutcher role as
Steve Jobs was just a trial balloon. A WHAT IF maybe story to raise
more money to try to make the film and to try to get a studio to
greenlight it. As of now, if you read the press releases SLOWLY and
not so fast as we read on screen these days, you will see that this is
just an idea that has been floated. Ashton has been talked about for
this role, but there are no contracts, the movie has NOT been
greenlighted, it is a mere IN development deal, meaning chances are 99
percent it will never get made. Many many news outlets took the press
release bait hook line and sinker.

I didn’t fall for it. Sorry. This indie movie is pie in the sky, it
will never happen. Hollywood releases these kinds of WHAT IF MAYBE
press releases all time, 14 times a day, all set up to raise funds and
get the ball rolling, and 99 percent of the time it never happens.
The headlines should read “Ashton Kutcher’s name bandied about to
maybe play role of Steve Jobs if indie movie deal ever gets
greenlighted and funds are raised; for now it’s a maybe might happen
maybe might not happen story” — and if that headline is too long how
about “Kutcher might play Jobs in maybe movie that most likely will
never see the light of day”?

Or just: “Steve Jobs indie movie a no go.”

Don’t play cute with press releases, Hollywood. Tell the truth. This
entire media thing was a trial balloon. Ask the producers.

I still say this movie aint never gonna happen. Period. You all been scammed by PR hype and nobody asked the right questions. In love with Jobs and Hollywood too much, you missed the real questions. That said:

How did the Kutcher Jobs movie scoop happen? Sources tell the ”MrDanBloom” YouTube Channel that a person far away in the milky way galaxy was star gazing in a Hollywood cafe when he/she heard from a friend of a friend who knew a manager of a manager of a PR person’s personal assistant who heard that a script was going around,﻿ shopped around, Hollywood, and one of the﻿ roles for the movie was for consideration for one of a friend’s friend’s client’s client. Got that? My lips are sealed out of loyalty to my sources until June 1.

AND THEN: this said ”Milky Way star gazer” later learned that Ashton was attached to the title role. So he / she checked sources and heard back the next day in the M W Galaxy and it was so really very true. But who was this savvy ESP stargazer? My lips be sealed until June 1, but ”MrDanBloom” youtube channel knows his/her﻿ name and it will surface sooner or later. and he / she will get their kudos in public for chasing down a good story and passing it on to those in the know.