“Even if you drink a lot of water, you can still be dehydrated, because you probably eat a lot of salt.” - Certified Nurse Midwife trying to explain mom’s “false contractions” – she was on her fourth day of prodromal labor.

I couldn’t believe this CNM. Works with one of the best ob’s in town, but I was not impressed with how she treated my client (who sees the ob). It seemed like she had her mind made up before ever interacting with my client – silly “first time” mom who didn’t know her butt from her elbow, and was having “false contractions” brought on by dehydration. (Yes, she actually said “false contractions!!!” The phrase “false labor” annoys me – there’s warm-up labor and baby-producing labor – but false CONTRACTIONS? Yeah, you don’t really feel your uterus tightening. WTH?) Even when my client debunked her “you’re dehydrated,” the CNM busted out with the gem above. She also told my client that she didn’t know what she was talking about because it was her first baby – the two-year old at home didn’t count, apparently, since he was born by medically indicated no-labor cesarean. Ways to say it an and ways not to, lady… Seriously, why do so many doulas get it and so many med staff don’t?

Prodromal labor sucks. :D
And yes, I hate the term ‘false labor’, too. I read a quote once, saying something about how every contraction does something on the molecular level – you may not be able to measure it, but no contraction is pointless. It softens, effaces, dilates microscopically, or *something*.
It’s so demoralizing to hear that you’re in pain or even mild discomfort for nothing…
What ended up happening? Was she dilating? Did the CNM have to eat her words?

It took a while longer, but she did eventually have her VBAC (of a dainty little 8#12 oz baby) as planned. Never saw the CNM again, and isn’t interested in doing so. I know the exact quote you’re talking about, too, but it’s not at my fingertips.