BriTunes 2

I promised earlier this week I would be updating BriTunes with fabulous end of year posts but…well…

Then I got sick.

And you know how, when you’re sick, you don’t really feel like doing ANYTHING? Well that’s the problem that I have run in to.

Yesterday the sickness hit me full throttle, so I called in sick to work. Luckily More-O had the day off from work so he took care of me on the couch all day. Today though, I had to go to work so I could finish end of year stuff and I tell you what…I am a damn hot mess. Coughing, wheezing, sniffling, blarg. Word on the street is that I got More-O sick as well but…I think that’s just a rumor.

Tomorrow I fly home to Ohio – crazy to think as I haven’t done a lick of packing yet. A lick. Not one thing in a suitcase. I like to leave things up until the last minute anyway. I am soooo excited to see my dog, I can’t believe it has been six lonely months since I last saw her!! I hate traveling, but it’ll be nice to be home for a few days.

This is a little bit how I feel today. The office is pretty much empty (I saw one person from my team today for about an hour) yet somehow because I’m the last one here I’m dealing with all of the crisis that no one else is will to handle.

That’s fine, that’s dandy. BUT I did something to my neck yesterday and I haven’t been able to turn it for about 24 hours. It felt better this morning but now it’s back to pissing me off. I feel like Samantha when she was a lesbian and she threw her back out during sex and was “doing the robot” all night long.

Winding down the holiday parties, etc. as everyone’s starting to leave town. More-O and I opened our Christmas presents on Saturday morning and I must say that I am one lucky boy. Clothes, candy, and The Great Muppet Caper – what more could a boy ask for? The clothes have been worn, the candy is gone, and the movie has been watched, but the memory of our first Christmas together will stay with me for quite some time.

I promise to have a multitude of fun blog posts over the next few days to make up for my half-assed blog year. Sometimes you feel like blogging, some times you don’t. Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t. It’s a cycle really.

Sunday night More-O spotted something on the TV and immediately set the DVR to record it. I knew it was coming, and I knew that I would eventually be forced to watch it, but what I imagined in my mind wasn’t nearly as awful as what I actually saw on the screen. Yes, faithful readers, I am talking about…

Mariah Carey’s Christmas Special. Let’s break it down, shall we?

First of all, I know this woman is preggo but she’s dressing like a whoo-re. Every single outfit looked like something she bought at Fredrick’s of Hollywood and THEN sluttied up some more by adding lace, fur, and sparkles. Less is more, Mariah, less. Is. More.

The entire episode she had these random people dancing around her and I just didn’t get why they were there.

I mean…cheerleader, little church boys, and a lady ghost with green polka dots on her tunich. This is proof that…Mariah is high.

And her bazookas!! I mean..helllllLO ladies! They are at FULL attention so what better occasion than Christmas to show them off!

This entire special Mariah sang only one song live…I think. And by “I think” I don’t mean “I think there was one, maybe there was more.” No, it’s more like “I think it was live, but it’s possible the one I think was live was just recorded.” Yo, you are 40 and pregnant. Don’t you know that you don’t have ANY breath support when you’re pregnant? The baby like, sits on your diaphram or something!! So during the episode Mariah would do what I like to call the “Britney hand.”

Whenever you want people to think that you’re singing live, simply touch your ear monitor like ‘oh, this note is so hard, I really have to strain to hit it and I better hold on to my ear monitor because that will help me hit it!’

You’ll be seeing many more of these throughout the post.

I thought this was going to be a very short post with a few fun pictures but when all was said and done I had more screen grabs than some of my Glee-caps! Last night while watching the special, I was clearly happyt o be there…just like these ladies.

Yes. Sing out ladies.

Ear Monitor!

More sexy lingere!

Ear.

Christina Aguilera hand.

Ear.

Ear.

Randy Jackson.

Wait….WHAT?!!!?!

Yes, apparently Mariah and Randy Jackson played together a million billion years ago, therefore it’s totally appropriate that he show up everywhere with her.

And his name isn’t “Randolph” you stupid ho ho ho.

These people really bugged me.

The whole special they were the ‘dancers’ but they weren’t that good…they just like, stepped everywhere. Don’t tell me this was a “Make-a-Wish” thing too….

A lady from Rock of Love/Flavor of Love/Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was there and she was LOVING the Rand-dog.

I think she has a thing for guys that slapp da bass.

Ear.

Sherri Shepard and Pretty Pretty Princess were hired to be Mariah’s back-up singers.

That lady done got so many chins….

Ugh…these people again…

The one song that Mariah sang live was that snooze-fest from Charlie Brown. And sing it she did!!

And by ‘sing-it’ I do mean she was so breathy she sounded like a mattress losing air.

HEY!!! AUDIENCE MEMBER!!!

Don’t look at the camera while clapping!! Don’t you know you’re not supposed to break the fourth wall?!?!! After making the exchange with the camera, this man was promptly escorted outside, stripped of his Santa Hat, and forced. To. Leave.

There is so much going on in this picture…

…my mind doesn’t know how to process it all. Seriously, how much damn back-up does Mariah need?!?!?! If you need someone to help you with backin’ up….

…I may know someone. Just sayin’.

Ear.

And Make-a-Wish girl is NOT amused.

Of course Mariah couldn’t just sing her damn songs. Nooooo….she had to go and make us feel feelings by showing us this adorable girl who needs a kidney.

She was ril cute. I hope someone finds her a kidney fast.

A kidney and braces.

After making us all feel feelings for this adorable girl, Mariah went back to being a jackass.

Ear.

Hand.

Mom.

Wait….WHAT?!!!

Yes, Mariah’s pretty pretty princess of a mom decided to come and sing with Mariah and ‘wow’ us all with her Oprah talents. That’s a typo, and I’m keeping it. (clearly I meant opera. Clearly.)

Before she would let her sing though, she had to make sure her ear was in place

and that she could count to three.

Then it was time for a PRETTY PARTY!!!

Double pretty party!!!

She’s my favorite. Clearly, she’s Mariah’s favorite too.

WHAT THE WHAT???!!!!

I don’t even know WHAT the frak is going on there. There’s some girl giving the splits, a black gingerbread man, and a murderous Frosty the Snowman. What the HELL did Mariah take while planning production for this? Don’t you know you’re not supposed to do drugs while pregnant?!

She did have enough sense to wear her last pregancy slut outfit though.

I know she was going for ‘sexy’ but really it just came off as ‘pregnant and whorey.’

Last Glee-Cap until February!!!! AHHH!!! If I don’t blog about Glee, whatEVER will I blog about??! Truthfully I have no idea, but I’m sure I’ll come up with something. These Glee-caps have kind of turned into me just making fun of the show, but I don’t really care. You all know I love it and I know that you all love it and there’s nothing but love for Glee all around.

Or something like that.

So yes, this is the last new episode before we take a few months off (thank God, my Wednesdays will be SO much more productive) and it’s a very special episode because it’s the…..CHRISTMAS EPISODE!!!!!! How do we know it’s the Christmas episode? Well…because there’s all kinds of Christmas crap around and Will wears a new Christmas outfit in every. Single. Scene.

***WILL CHRISTMAS OUTFIT!!!!!!!

I dunno. I’ve seen better Christmas episodes, I have, but I wasn’t totally hatin’ on it. I mean, I walked away thinking

but I wasn’t completely mad at it. It made me laugh, it made me cry (or was that the bottle of wine?) but most of all it just didn’t make sense. This was cute though.

Love that they changed up the title screen to go with the CHRISTMAS EPISODE!!!

New Directions. You’re misfts. We get it.

You don’t have to sing a song about it AND have a misfit tree AND talk about how you’re all misfits. It’s understood.

As much as I love her, does anyone else think Brittany is like, the worst lip syncher ever?

Seriously. Come on girl, you can do better than that. And I’m allll about making her dumb, making her ‘blonde,’ making her stupid, but do we have to make her mentally retarded? No high school student believes in Santa, no matter how ditzy or clueless they are. And the fact that Santa was played by a black guy, Sue, and Coach BEAST and Brittany STILL didn’t catch on? I mean…hello.

SLUSHIE!!!!

Is that the ONLY bullying technique in their repertoire? That and stealing the figurines from the top of wedding cakes from gay boys?

I don’t know how I felt about the kids singing to the different classrooms. Don’t they have classes of their own? Or is Glee Club now an actual hour of their school day and not just an after school elective? I may not have been thrilled, but Rachel was RIL excited about it.

Definite contrast from every other time she cried…(FORESHADOWING)

Lauren is awesome.

As is Santana.

“Bling. I don’t know how much clearer I can be.”

And Brittany?

I mean….’SIGH.’ Believing in black Santa AND thinking Artie can walk again? Did she learn NOTHING from the “Dream On” episode?!?!

Rachel and I have at least one thing in common – we both feel that singing our feelings to significant others awkwardly in front of band members is a good thing.

Finn, however, does not agree with our thinking. This, in turn, leads Rachel to do what I like to call ‘SAD SING.’

She so sad. And she’s singing. Erego – SAD SING!!!

Sad Sing through the window!!! And what the hell are Santana and Finn doing? If they turn those two into a couple…I can’t.

SAD SING IN THE HALLWAY!!! But honey…if it’s that cold why are you wearing a tank top. Watch those nips – they could cut somebody’s eyes out.

More-O and I may disagree on many, many things (*cough dodgeball calls cough*) but I’m afraid I now share his love of Blaine/Darren Criss. Hey Blaine – do you want to come live with me and More-O and be in a “throuple” with us?

Sounds good, right?

I know!! And your chin can come too, I guess. Unfortunately there’s only one bed so we’re going to all have to share. (shh…we have two bedrooms, but don’t tell him!)

Oh, you have to sing with the toothless gay kid first. I totally understand. Just let me know when you’re done.

What?! You played a joke on me?! You’re actually straight and aren’t in love with either me OR my boyfriend?! NOT FAIR!!!

***WILL CHRISTMAS OUTFIT!!!

***WILL CHRISTMAS OUTFIT!!!

***WILL CHRISTMAS OUTFIT!!!

It’s a Will Christmas outfit BONANZA!!!

Sue stealing all the presents was fine, just like Sue and kind of expected. Unexpected and hilarious, however, was Will taking the phone off the hook in her office and throwing it.

Comedy Gold.

Did I mention how much I love Lauren?

Look at that. Just did again.

***WILL CHRISTMAS OUTFIT!!!

Does he have one for like, every day in December or what?

This is adorable.

Sue, meanwhile, is auditioning for “Wicked” on Broadway.

Defying Gravity, indeed.

Btw, are you kidding me with the songs they included in this episode? Of alllll the Christmas songs in the world, they go with some number about misfits, Merry Christmas Darling, KD Lang singing a song from the Grinch (KD Lang? Seriously? KD LANG?!) and then that number at the end I was like ‘what the what?’ Never heard of it in my life. Seriously lame.

***WILL CHRISTMAS OUTFIT!!!

Rachel hiding the air freshener in her coat because Finn likes the smell of Pine was genius.

But then we had…MORE SAD SINGING!!!

Rachel really does have it hard though. First she gets broken up with by Jesse in a school parking lot and has eggs thrown at her and now Finn is going to break up with her in a totally empty Christmas tree lot?

She got a ril hard life.

Loved that the girls were all going to chop off their hair so they could raise money for…the homeless people?

Did we ever really know what they were all raising money for? I’m confused.

***WILL CHRISTMAS OUTFIT!!!

***WILL CHRISTMAS LESSON!!!

He’s so lame.

“Get a good night’s rest Ken. Barbie is catching the early flight from Tampa tomorrow.”

See now, THIS is the funny stupid Brittany that we all know and love!! Keep with it.

Coach BEAST is really sweet and I love her character.

Cute little moment between her and Brittany although seriously Brit? You SERIOUSLY can’t tell that you’ve seen three different Santa’s by this point?! I just can’t.

***WILL CHRISTMAS OUTFIT!!!

This is getting exhausting.

Will wanted to sing to people that really needed it. I get that. And he thought that those people would be so inspired by their singing that they would all donate. I get that. But Teachers?

Bitch, teachers don’t make shit. How in the world are you going to make me believe that teachers are going to be willing to give up their hard earned salary for some made up charity?! I don’t think so. This prize however…

…is amazing. I want her to be my teacher. Or better yet, just give her a spin-off. Get it girl.

Seriously. No teacher is going to open their wallet for New Directions. Not. Gonna. Happen.

And this?

There aren’t enough “I can’ts” in the world to describe how I feel about this moment.

Will is done with all the Christmas outfits and back to wearing gay (albeit adorable) vests again.

I love how Christmas Eve is the one time in this whole episode when he doesn’t even wear anything resembling a Christmas outfit. He’s such a poser.

And he’s alone on Christmas Eve! How sad! Oh wait, no he’s not! Because SUE is here and not with her mentally handicapped sister at the home! Of course! That makes sense!! And she’s not alone!

Yes! Because all 12 of the Glee kids came to spend Christmas Eve with their teacher! That’s TOOOTALLY plausible!! I know that when I was in high school my parents were totally down with me skipping all the family time to go decorate a tree with my pervy teacher. Yup, totally happened.

Whatever. This show pisses me off. And I love it. I laughed so much this season so far – I think it has been great and improving. And it has been awful. And it hasn’t made any sense. And Uncle Jesse has only been in like, two and a half episodes. Lame. But whatever. At the end of the day, I know that

As you may or may not be aware, I am a competitive person! I mean, hello, have you MET my father?

I think that over the years I have done a better job of getting a handle on my anger and my ‘sore loser syndrome’ but every now and then it sneaks back in and I am more outspoken then I should be. I am far from perfect. Speaking of ‘far from perfect,’ there is a trend that I’ve noticed in the past few months and the past few competitions that I am NOT okay with. To explain:

Remember how back in the day my friends and I did that “Survivor” competition? Also remember how I was voted out second the first time we played and then months later I was voted out first? Yeah…I know…well then in August we played again and I ended up getting second place out of 30 people!!

Okay, second place, that’s cool. I can live with that.

Then, over Thanksgiving, my friend Sergio did a game based on the 80’s movie “Midnight Maddness.”

I don’t know if it’s the “MOST” fun a person can have in the dark, but whatevs. It was fun. My team, yet again, came in SECOND PLACE. And THEN they split us up and put us with the first place team to see which duo would win the final, ultimate prize. And I got second AGAIN in that. Last night though, was the kicker.

Dodgeball tournament! I’ve normally been on fun, solid teams that haven’t placed well in the season or the tournament but we have a lot of heart and try our best. If nothing else, we’re determined.

Last night we managed to make it all the way to the final round where we….

…got second place. Again.

But honestly, I’m totally fine with it. Couldn’t be happier. It was more about the journey than it was winning the whole thing itself. I mean, that would have been cool, don’t get me wrong, but I had a great time all the same. And sure…I wasn’t exactly at my peak of performance last night…but I’m fun to have around.

It’s Britney Jean Spears’ birthday, ya’ll!!!! I can’t believe that she has been in our lives for over ten years. You know, with buying her albums and supporting her we really have given her a lot. But, I have to say, she has given us so so so so much more.

A Tribute.

THANK YOU Britney. And a happy birthday from us all!

The Top Model finale was last night and my favorite from the beginning won.

Get it Ann. Get it gurl.

Ann is so wrong, she’s right. Loooooves me some Ann. And really, good for her. I love it when the not so pretty girl wins or does well. Makes me think that I have a shot!

Glee and I have fallen on some rough times the past few weeks. Sure, the episodes haven’t been as bad as the worst episodes of Season 1, and sure, there have been some redeemable moments and songs, but as a whole I’ve just been feeling very

afterwards. Last night’s episode, however, was amaaaaaazeballs. I mean, sure Sue wasn’t in it and after last week’s debacle of a wedding, that’s probably for the best. Jane Lynch, after filming, was probably like ‘yo, I need a week off so my lesbian self can recover from the shit show of a plot you gave me this week.’

I particularly liked Emma and Will’s conversation in the very beginning.

I mean, she hit it DEAD. ON. Rachel and Finn sing a classic love ballad and then they segue into a song that gets the audience moving and shaking and then Mercedes sings a big note at the end. It’s the perfect Glee formula! Though pretty to look at “Ken and Barbie”

also known as “Quiet Quinn” and “Autotune Sam” wouldn’t be my first choice to lead New Directions in a number at Sectionals. Will the Douche though, ACTUALLY had a good point when he said that he would be giving the lead solos to the winners of the Duets competition! A decision that makes sense coming from Mr. Shuester? What is this world coming to?!

It sure has felt quiet these first few minutes of Glee. Quiet and surprisingly gay free. And everyone so far has their teeth…hmm…what could be missing?

Of course. Gay Kurt, who is now a member of the Warblers. Also it looks like he’s a member of the Children of the Corn. Is it just me or do those three twinks look exactly alike?

Stupid subplot with a bird…

And we’re moving on.

I love how Santana is a true bitch, through and through. She really didn’t give a rats ass about blabbing to the whole club that she slept with Finn. Emma, meanwhile, proved that she’s the worst school counseler ever.

Seriously kids, when you have a problem don’t go to her. Couples counseling is fo sho not her strong suit. I did appreciate, however, that she suggested Rachel ‘storm out.’ A good storm out is always needed.

Apparently between last week and this week Brittany turned into the Blair Witch.

What is it with them making her into not just a dumb character, but like, a character that is missing chromosomes. Seriously, tar tar Becky is smarter than Brittany is. Accepting a ‘magic comb’ because it’ll help her to dance better at Sectionals?

Lame idea, coming from a lame person. Artie, you so lame. An action that wasn’t believable coming from a couple that ISN’T. BELIEVABLE. Whatevs. I can’t win every battle.

A battle that I fear I’ve lost, however, is the “Blaine is not cute” argument. Because um….

he’s kiiiiiiiinda dreamy. Sure, his chin is too big and sure, he’s kind of spastic when he sings. But he’s actually a great actor, singer, and he makes me feel butterflies. Despite all of these feelings, I do not approve the fact that More-O has taken him as his lovah. That’s fine, he can have Darren Criss. I’ll keep my Jakey.

Speaking of?

I DO NOT APPROVE.

Okay, back to Glee.

Yay! Fat Hot Gay Football bully is back!

That black guy football player is for sers annoying though. And like, such the sterotypical dumb bully football player. Really? Glee can do better than that. If they wanted to get a stock character, just get Ox from “Saved By the Bell.”

This is not Ox. I figured a picture of Kelly from when she put on the ‘zit cream’ and it turned her face red was just as good though.

Um…Mercedes?

Is there something you should be telling us? Are you feeling okay? Because while your raspberry beret is fashionable (Happy Birthday Amanda!!!) it also looks like….okay. Nevermind. Maybe you just left your weave at home. Yay Mercedes!

This moment was my favorite ever.

And not just because I’m totally into bondage (joke).

Rachel is such a bitch, such a sass. Maybe that’s why we get along so well.

Also enjoyable was watching Mr. Shue lose his shit.

Woah! Calm down there Shuey Duey and Luey! We all know you’re just mad because you’re not allowed to rap anymore.

Also genius? Puck getting locked in the porta-potty and then saved…

“are you an angel?”

She’s MY angel! LOOOOOVE me some Lauren Zeits. Love. Lurve, if you will. I lov her so much I want to sing Monica’s “Angel of Mine” to her and her double chins. She’s awesome and I’m glad to see we both share a love of pretzels.

Question: If Finn knew that Rachel was upset that he slept with Santana and didn’t tell her, WHY would he so blatantly check out her ass when she walked by?!

Finn: 0. Santana’s ass: 1.

Tina is the greatest Harajuku girl in the world.

Is it wrong I actually don’t hate her look?

Hi, I’m Rachel.

And I’m saaaaaaad.

See?

Saaaaaaaaaaaad.

I’m going to sing a gay song with Gay Kurt and tell you how saaaaad I am.

OR I’ll just sing about Argentina while having my saaaaaad face on

and looking like a California Raisin.
*credit for that joke goes to More-O*

Gay Kurt, meanwhile, wanted to prove to us that he has teeth.

A task which he failed miserably at.

This moment with Blaine?

Was genius and made me fall juuuust a little more in love with him. That’s an awful screen grab but CLEARLY he’s telling Kurt to not raise his hands during “Argentina.”

Rachel can sing from whatever balcony she like though.

Three little twinks from school are we…

Question: Why in the world did they have an audition for a “special solo” at Sectionals ONLY to have Blaine sing it anyway? Makes no sense.

Emma may be an awful therapist but she has great taste in coats.

So cute.

So not cute. Someone forget their dentures there grandpapa?

Whoops. Spoke too soon. The “Hipsters” were cute…kinda…but that song was just…oy….snooze.

Puck, however, was adorable while watching their performance.

I didn’t hate Puck this episode! Didn’t hate him at all. Maybe it’s because he actually showed redeemable qualities.

Rachel was so cute during the Warblers’ performance when she told Kurt to “SMILE!”

Bitch, none of us want to see Kurt smile, haven’t you heard?!

Blaine is cute.

That’s all.

I really appreciated how into Kurt’s performance all of New Directions was. They were a supportive, lovely audience.

Of course Mr. Shuester sat there with a puss on his mug the entire time, but that’s just because he’s awful.

Big fight in the Sectionals green room followed by my homegirl Lauren being awesome

“Best. Green Room. Ever.”

Is it just me or is Mr. Shue not allowed to yell at the kids as much as he does?

I mean, sure, talk to them firmly, discipline them, get a little loud, but he like, SCREAMS at them. Between this, the touching, and the staring…most innapropriate teacher evs.

Sometimes (SOMETIMES) Brittany actually makes sense.

Artie: It’s not a magic comb, I just found it on the floor.
Brittany: “And you let me comb my hair with it?”

All the time, New Directions likes to repeat themselves.

Coming out of the curtains to walk down the aisles again? Haven’t we been there done that kids?

Dianna Agron, however, is perfection.

Cute performance, but I mean, I wasn’t blown away by it or anything…

And then after this performance apparently we needed another one sung by Santana? And she had to put on a fancy hat for it?

It was just so….I mean….she sounded good and whatever but like, the performance wasn’t needed, the song didn’t fit, and it was just….odd. Was the only reason we had this performance so we could watch Brittany and Mike dance?

I mean…

I just included that so we could have another Blaine screen grab.

Now when it comes to winning or losing…obviously New Directions couldn’t win again – predictable. Obviously they couldn’t lose because then it would be like, well…what was the point of the whole first half of the season? So instead….

TIE!!!!!

Snooze.

Emma’s engaged!!!

Snooze. You ain’t no Ross and Rachel, we don’ care…

Finn’s mad at Rachel!!!

Snooze. I mean, kind of. We know they’re going to get back together and really Rachel shouldn’t have made out with Puck but…by this point I was over all the fiiiiighting.

And the CRYYYYING….

I have to say, as much as I don’t like Artie and Brittany together, I reeeeally like Tina and Other Asian together.

“Asian kiss.” So cute!

I think that “Dog Days” should really have been the song for them at Sectionals but what’s done is done. Still, I was happy to see Tina have something to do and Mercedes, who hasn’t had a solo in like four episodes.

These clapping hands scared More-O.

I, however, was more scared by the fact that they were celebrating their big Sectionals win (read: TIE) by singing a song…to no one in particular…and their only choreography was running around the stage?

And then at the end they were all friends again?

I mean….only in Glee world.

Despite all of my gripes, I truly did like this episode. It had me rolling on the floor laughing and no that wasn’t the two glasses of wine I consumed during it. It felt like a ‘classic Glee’ episode and gave me faith that we’re heading in the right direction. Only way to go after last week is up. Next week is the Christmas episode and Sue is back, then we don’t have any Glee for like, TWO MONTHS!!!