Return of The Bump: 30 weeks

Today I am 30 weeks and 5 days pregnant. Time to get my head straight about a few things I think. Things I know versus things I am scared of.

Things I know

I am having a baby.

I can’t control the birth.

I have lots of lovely friends and family around me.

While two of my previous babies have been SGA, they have both been incredibly healthy after birth.

An SGA baby is not necessarily an IUGR baby.

34 weeks is not that early compared to other premature babies, who survive and thrive.

I am healthy; I do not score highly on many of the risk factors for IUGR at all.

I am in the best hands, with my chosen hospital having specialist units for high risk pregnancies, plus neonatal services that offer specialist services for sick, pre-term babies. Therefore my baby is in the best hands too.

Things I am scared of

I am having a baby!

I want to control the birth. I don’t want another c section. But I am terrified of another trial of labour ending in an emergency c section. I also am scared of refusing a section and baby being poorly as a result.

I have had two previous SGA babies, which puts me at a higher risk of having an IUGR baby, which is what the doctors are concerned with.

Some babies are not diagnosed as IUGR until after birth. I am scared that they might not diagnose and allow me continue the pregnancy, but there is something wrong after all. I’m scared this won’t be picked up until it is too late.

I don’t score highly on many of the risk factors, but I do score on some. And there is a real chance that my placenta is not functioning very well; this is beyond my control and I wish it wasn’t.

I am in the best hands, and yet the care we’ve had so far feels very disjointed. Incomplete. I see my community midwife at my GP surgery, have scans at one hospital and will give birth in another. I am not sure who to call if the baby doesn’t move, and my midwife can’t take bloods so I haven’t had iron levels tested since booking it at 11 weeks. I have three different triage numbers on my notes and am not sure which hospital I should turn up at if anything happened.

And thus is an insight into the daily arguments I have with myself. On the one hand I truly believe that all is well and they are just being over cautious. And in the next breath I cannot breathe and I think that I need to know NOW what is happening so that I can prepare for the worst. I know that pregnancy hormones do not make things any easier, but I also know that I can’t bury my head in the sand. I need to speak to someone about it all, but can’t until I know more following next week’s scan. And so we wait.

And in the meantime…

The poppyseed is now the size of a butternut squash (perfect for Autumn) and my due date is only nine weeks and two days away. Or, 11 weeks if you consider I normally deliver around 42 weeks! The poppyseed should be over 3lb and putting on half a pound a week now. I truly hope that is the case. The brain is also growing at an alarming rate, with grooves and wrinkles that make it look like a real, grown up brain. Lanugo (the hair that covers the baby’s body) is starting to disappear as baby can now regulate temperature independently.

And me? No sickness- hooray! No back ache, no pelvis pain, no restless leg, no heart burn, no indigestion. I am still doing pilates each day and am back at the pool. I am tired, and I have little appetite but I am well. I am hopeful.

9 Comments

I really hope the growth scan provides some answers, it must be such a confusing time. But you’re right to trust yourself and your instincts. It’s not ideal that you have such disjointed care though – is this something you can discuss with your midwife? If being clear about who to call in the case of needing advice or care, then it’s got to be worth bringing up. Have my fingers crossed for you that next week goes OK and will be thinking of you. xxMolly recently posted..Blogger Bump Club Week 17 #BlogBumpClub

I’ve spoken to my midwife and there is nothing she can do at all. Basically it is my fault for choosing a hospital in the city, rather than the local one. The hospital I’ve chosen is so large and they extended areas after other units were closed down so they run clinics from other sites. Its so silly but all the hospitals in manchester are grouped so you have to go wherever they tell you. Argh! Not sure there’s anything I can do really x x

Both you and your body are fantastic. You have grown three amazing babies that are loveliest healthiest children and poppyseed will be the same. It’s that last stretch which is so tiring which doesn’t make it easier but you will smash this last hurdle too. So glad the sickness has gone, finally! Thinking of you lots xxNotmyyearoff recently posted..Silent Sunday / Project 52 – Week 36

Sending big hugs lovely lady. It must be so frustrating having such disjointed care. It can’t help when you’ve got so many conflicting emotions going on. I really hope next week’s scan gives you some answers and peace of mind.

You are brave and strong and an amazing mummy. You can do this xxBakedPotato Mummy recently posted..Do One

It must be so frustrating having so much fluctuation in your maternity care, especially when you’re so worried about things anyway. I really hope you get some answers this week.
Just remember that you are an amazing, strong woman and mummy. You’ll get through this xxBakedPotato Mummy recently posted..Do One