Day 85 of 365

This is a story of sexual assault/rape.I was living in a new state, where I moved with my boyfriend who had just broke up with me. I worked at a restaurant and didn't have many friends there and a co-worker asked me out for drinks. This guy seemed nice, and I've worked with him a few times so I decided I'd say yes. Most of the night is blurry, but I remember he was really nice and cool all night, but he kept trying to kiss me at random times.

I turned him down every time and made myself clear that I wasn't interested. We were with his other friend, and on our way back and I guess we dropped his friend off and went back to his house. I remember laying on his couch downstairs and falling asleep, then waking up in his bed with my pants (that were on), now off and my underwear down to my ankles and I got up and semen was dripping down my legs.

I ran to the bathroom to clean myself up, still a bit drunk at this point. He was sound asleep. I didn't fully realize the severity of what happened yet so I just went back to sleep. I have a problem with calling people out on things, and being mean to ANYONE no matter what they did to me so I didn't confront him the next morning. I just told him I wanted to go home right away. My ex-boyfriend asked to meet up the next day to talk about our relationship & I ended up telling him what happened.

He told me I need to go to the cops and the hospital immediately, so what I did was go to the hospital and they referred me to a first step clinic. I wanted them to give me medicine to prevent pregnancy, and STDs, which they did. Along with a full body exam and lab tests that would be put away. I talked to these two incredible women who asked for my story and were sort of like "counselors", or "advocates", at the first step clinic. I told them I didn't want to press charges, because he had two kids and I also just didn't want to deal with him anymore.

They understood but told me the lab results would be put away and could be used for investigation at any time. I don't want him doing this to anyone else but I can't bring myself to call the police, my family and my ex are angry, but I just can't. I then moved back to my home state, my ex and I moved back together and he ended up leaving me 4 days later. It's a small town, and I have a lot of friends here, so I was just going out with them trying to get my mind off things. I had two very close guy friends I hung out with during this time who I told about my rape experience.

Long story short, both of them tried to do the same thing that night. I was drunk and asleep both times, but luckily not drunk enough to where they got as far as my coworker did before I woke up and stopped them. One of the advocates was talking to me at first step after my rape happened, I was trying to be strong the whole time but she said one thing that kind of broke me down. She said "alcohol is the number one date rape drug, this is NOT your fault." I couldn't help but cry. I've been sexually assaulted with alcohol before but never like this and that it happened 3 times in a month made me think it must be my fault. It's only been a week since the last sexual assault happened but I'm trying to just move forward and tell myself it's the men that are at fault.

Most men lack basic respect and boundaries and it's never okay to try to take advantage of someone under the influence. I'm starting to have flashbacks of the night of the rape, and it's really scary. I haven't told many people about this & it's hard to find someone who understands, so this really helped me being able to tell my story anonymously so others can see it and not feel alone like I do if the same has happened to them, so thank you for making this page Stephanie, and letting me tell my story. ❤️