(CNN) - In the book “Jim and Caspar Go to Church,” an atheist turns to a Christian minister as they're watching a Sunday morning church service and earnestly asks, "Is this what Jesus told you guys to do?"

I've grown up in churches and I'm a Christian, and I'm right there with the atheist.

I honestly don't get the connection. (To be fair, I've grown up on Earth, too, and there are times that I don't understand any part of this place.)

You see, years ago, I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome - and like a lot of "Aspies," sometimes I'm convinced that I've landed on the wrong planet.

For those of you who don't know the medical lingo, Asperger's syndrome is an autism spectrum disorder, but not as severe as what most people think of as autism.

It basically comes down to this: those "normal human" rules for things like eye contact, when to smile, personal distance - we just don't get them.

What's more, Aspies like me don't like those rules. They make no sense to us. So usually, we just say stuff - bluntly - and stare uncomfortably at the ground. That's how we roll.

But it gets even trickier for people of faith like me.

Feeling out of place at work is one thing. Feeling like an alien at church is a whole other matter.

Imagine Mr. Spock at an evangelical Christian tent revival, and you’ll get the idea.

And my father is a pastor, so I was in church a lot.

Multiple times, each week, every week, I found myself wishing I'd be moved by the worship music, or that I could shut off my skeptical mind during the sermons.

I'd see people in church services, Christian concerts and Bible camps overcome by emotion and enraptured with charismatic speakers, and I wondered why I didn't feel that way.

Why did I always feel like a cold observer?

After going to college, I was convinced my lack of feeling meant I was missing something, spiritually, so I joined charismatic Christian groups in which emotional manifestations of the Holy Spirit are common.

I desperately wanted to have what they had - an emotional experience of God's presence - and asked them to pray over me.

It didn't work.

When I didn’t move with the Holy Spirit or speak in tongues, they told me it was because I had rejected God.

I worried that it was the other way around: God had rejected me.

Maybe I felt like an alien because I deserved it. I deserved to be alienated, irretrievably and forever far from God.

I tried to pray, read the Bible, and do all the "right stuff." But I still felt out-of-touch.

I wondered if I was so broken, such a misfit that God simply took a look at me and decided to move on.

I wish I’d known then that I was an Aspie. And that God loves Aspies.

I still feel alienated from many parts of Christian culture, but Jesus himself finally reached me.

And man, did I feel that.

To people who are beaten down or befuddled by religious rules, Jesus offers something that no one else does: rest. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest," he says.

And he sums up the entirety of complex and confusing religious laws with this: “Love God, and love your neighbor.”

Beautiful. Even children can understand that.

The Bible tells a story about a man who approaches Jesus and admits that he has faith, but also strong doubts.

"Help me in my unbelief," he asks Jesus.

Jesus doesn't blast him. He loves him. To me, Jesus is the only one who really makes any sense.

Oddly enough, considering my medical condition, I'm now a radio personality on a network that plays Christian music.

It’s a beautiful fit, in many ways, because I get to talk to many people who also don’t fit in, and wonder if God loves them.

It’s true, though, others won’t understand me. I know that. I’m still an alien in the American Christian subculture.

Each evening I retreat from it, and I go straight to the Gospels.

It's not out of duty that I read about Jesus; it's a respite.

I long for it, because I'm awash in two strange and baffling cultures, both the irreligious and religious.

And I long for someone I can finally understand, and someone who might finally understand me.

Brant Hansen is a radio host on the Air1 network, where his show airs from 3-7 p.m. CT. He also writes a popular blog at air1.com. The views expressed in this column belong to Hansen.

soundoff(3,030 Responses)

I seriously doubt if this guy would ever have become a Christian without the strong family influence.

October 19, 2013 at 2:55 pm |

Steel On Target

He seems to have spent a lot of time and energy convincing himself.

October 19, 2013 at 2:59 pm |

Crom

And thus we see that brainwashing does not require other people when one can do it oneself.
Most people never consider the sort of self-hypnotic indoctrination that can create a schizoid affect within the brain as being just as effective as a "re-education camp" in China or North Korea to dislocate a person's ability to clearly process reality.

October 19, 2013 at 3:29 pm |

Roger that

That applies to almost every person.

October 19, 2013 at 3:27 pm |

nouse

you should thank scientists who discovered that Aspergers is a real thing otherwise you may have been burned at the stake if you replace reason with religion.

October 19, 2013 at 2:53 pm |

tony

Ducking Stool first!

October 19, 2013 at 2:54 pm |

Crom

A witch!!!

October 19, 2013 at 3:29 pm |

Just a bystander

Because arguing about religion over the internet would totally impact another person's perspective on things. Lay off. Stop being annoying.

October 19, 2013 at 2:51 pm |

Morgan

I'm of the mind that we Aspies end up taking our spirituality and respite from the awe and wonder of the natural universe. The beauty of a waterfall, the peace of a park. That's where our church is. Our skeptical minds just can't accept the doctrines and practices of any formal religion.

Brant, you nailed it!! I can totally relate to your article. I, too, never got it until I met Jesus face to face. He truly was the redeemer I had been searching for in and outside of the traditional "church". Bless you and your radio personality. I grow a little each time I hear your ideas, opinions, and your heart.

October 19, 2013 at 2:47 pm |

tony

But the Emperor has no clothes!.

Shssssssh!!

October 19, 2013 at 2:51 pm |

tallulah13

So where exactly did you meet Jesus "face to face"? The guys been dead for a couple thousand years.

October 19, 2013 at 2:52 pm |

Dave

Neat trick, huh?

October 19, 2013 at 3:29 pm |

Crom

He also does party tricks and can even appear on pieces of toast or moldy refrigerators. Yup.

October 19, 2013 at 3:32 pm |

Roger that

The land of make-believe. It's near Omaha.

October 19, 2013 at 3:32 pm |

sam stone

what does his face look like?

October 19, 2013 at 3:33 pm |

sam stone

and, while we are at it, why do you feel you need to be "redeemed"?

October 19, 2013 at 3:39 pm |

Crom

Because they are coupons?

October 19, 2013 at 10:46 pm |

ScottCA

Being emotionless does not make one Sp-ook. Sp-ook had emotions, in fact his emotions were stronger than any humans; Sp-ook simply allowed logic to rule his decisions and not emotion. Sp-ook would never waste his time on the illogical pursuit of archaic-superstltions.
Faith based religion is an utterly illogical and insane delusion, based in absolutely no evidence.

It is a fallacy based in the evolved brains tendency to see order and design where there is none, a tendency called Apophenia.

The faith based religious are like Douglas Adeams puddle:

“This is rather as if you imagine a puddle waking up one morning and thinking, 'This is an interesting world I find myself in — an interesting-ho -le-I find myself in — fits me rather neatly, doesn't it? In fact it fits me staggeringly well, must have been made to have me in it!' This is such a powerful idea that as the sun rises in the sky and the air heats up and as, gradually, the puddle gets smaller and smaller, frantically hanging on to the notion that everything's going to be alright, because this world was meant to have him in it, was built to have him in it; so the moment he disappears catches him rather by surprise."

October 19, 2013 at 2:44 pm |

Mopery

RIP Douglas, he was the best.

October 20, 2013 at 10:37 am |

tony

The problem with believing in god is that most Americans with faith DON'T believe ina god./

Instead thaty believe in an immortal human like thing that can be invisble and everywhere at once, plus have an alternate universe to call home and create life and save "souls" to live an eternal afterlife. But those are such limited powers compared to areal god who can suspend or overide his own laws of physics in our universe.

If there was a real god, the Hubble would probably see a star close by with planets in square orbits, Hiroshima, Dresden etc., would never have allowed to happen, deer and rabbits would be able to shoot back, there wouldn't be any imperfect humans and magic would be happening all over.

October 19, 2013 at 2:37 pm |

Steel On Target

It would be Narnia 😉

October 19, 2013 at 2:45 pm |

I sht on your BS, on your Jesus, and your "god"

Talking animals that shoot back. Yep, sounds like Narnia.

October 19, 2013 at 2:53 pm |

Mopery

In all your searching you missed the most obvious answer: that there is no god. These "people of faith" are merely conforming to their social group, putting on a show to impress the like-minded. They don't really experience anything other than the stress induced by a crowd that wants to see their own personal show of faith. They buckle like a belt under peer pressure, and abandon their reasonable doubt for the madness of belief. Think about it, if everyone has a story about their own personal "miracle", if miracles happen all the time, then how "miraculous" are they really? They're not. They're simply lies made under the social pressure to produce a testimonial in the hopes of pleasing the masses.

October 19, 2013 at 2:36 pm |

I sht on your BS, on your Jesus, and your "god"

You noticed that, too? Funny how he mentions Spock and then devolves into illogical delusion. No logic in his reasoning at all.

October 19, 2013 at 2:56 pm |

Michelle

You believe that we are bending to peer pressure, and I can see that argument if the person had grown up in church and didn't really want to be a Christian, but was expected to be. But what about those people like you? The people who said the exact same things, those people who claimed this was all make believe? Do you think you would be converted purely by peer pressure? You're probably thinking "Of course not". So what would it take to make you believe? I would have to be something pretty real, right? There are people in prisons being tortured for this "fake" religion, why would we take are "Pretend" that far. Oh yes, because we have tricked ourselves into thinking it's real? All of us? That's a lot of crazy people. I don't think that so many people would live their lives for God, if there wasn't more to it. Also you can most likely see there is evil in the world, a lot of bad. Don't you think if there is evil there is some good too? What is that good you believe is out there? What is your standard for right and wrong? Also Miracles, the definition does not say that a miracle is a rare event, look up the def. They happen everyday. Last I don't care about "pleasing the masses" I just want to please my Jesus. It might be hard for you to understand but I can honestly say there is a God. I know him and nothing will make me change my mind on this.

October 19, 2013 at 3:30 pm |

Cpt. Obvious

Beleivers of other gods make very similar statements. I am not impressed.

Reblogged this on Living, Loving & Making A Difference and commented:
I appeal to every person seeing this post: If you are a member of the autism community or a member of the Christian community, you need to read this blog!

Good advise! I agree. I actually will add that those with other disorders such as ADHD, OCD, and many others could benefit from this article!

October 19, 2013 at 2:51 pm |

I sht on your BS, on your Jesus, and your "god"

Yes, religion draws the mentally ill in droves already because it is nothing but child abuse and brainwashing wrapped in delusion, strengthened by stupidity and blindness, and can be twisted to suit anyone's morals and motives.
Those who can use logic to analyze their own ideologies will not fall for the lie that is religion, as lies do not stand up to proper scientific scrutiny. Proper analysis is easier than rocket science but harder than just following other people into a pit of madness. It requires knowledge and ability to be able to analyze things.
Lies designed to undercut your ability to think clearly are a fantasy come true for any fraud or con-artist.
The money just rolls in.

Yes they can! I reposted this from another , much more-established blog than this one. Thank you for commenting. Have a great day.

October 19, 2013 at 3:22 pm |

An Atheist's Perspective

Even though we obviously come to very different conclusions, I'm glad Mr. Brant was able to share what it is like to grow up in a highly religious environment as an individual with Asperger's. Hopefully people of faith will read this and make the connection that the kid in church who keeps asking questions and keeps telling you evidence is needed because it doesn't make sense isn't trying to be difficult. It just really makes no sense. Don't harass the kid or tell them to try harder (believe me, they are trying hard enough to put most of your church to shame). It's hard enough trying to figure out what's going on and why people act the way they do. Spending every Sunday being publicly shamed for not getting it doesn't help.

October 19, 2013 at 2:22 pm |

Steel On Target

Yes its like being raised Catholic and having the trinity beat over your head. You keep saying you don't get it so clearly something must be wrong with YOU.

October 19, 2013 at 2:26 pm |

An Atheist's Perspective

I was raised Catholic as an individual with Asperger's. I understand the feeling (and weird looks) all to well when it came to the Trinity.

October 19, 2013 at 2:45 pm |

ironman59

It's not just the kids. Adutls do the same to other adults. It is the evil of religion that despite the fact religion has no proof of its existence to say otherwise is to be the publice tramp. The day that religion is gone from this world everyone, inlcuding people with aspergers (of which i have a child) all people will live better lives.

October 19, 2013 at 2:36 pm |

Day Cross

Thank you-what an eye-opening read!

October 19, 2013 at 2:17 pm |

tony

genuflect without thinking, while you are at it.

October 19, 2013 at 2:17 pm |

Leonard Nimoy

but Leonard Nimoy was Jewish, and he went to Synagogue, and that's where he saw Rabbi's doing Vulcan greeting hand gesture.

October 19, 2013 at 2:15 pm |

tony

But his character (and that's the one with invisible emotions) is an atheist and – Leonard went along with that.

October 19, 2013 at 2:17 pm |

Check

Mr. Nimoy's autobiography is named "I Am Not Spock".

October 19, 2013 at 2:17 pm |

Menahem Schneerson

The character of Spock's human lineage was also Jews

October 19, 2013 at 2:23 pm |

Lionly Lamb

Well Holy Mother of Spock...

October 19, 2013 at 2:41 pm |

G.

Sounds to me like the Author of this might not even have Asberger's. He is just smarter then everyone else in the room (Church).

October 19, 2013 at 2:13 pm |

Me

Nope, he really does. Very familiar with him, his work, his writing, etc. for a long time.

October 19, 2013 at 2:33 pm |

CRC

Having grown up in church myself I know that in most churches, most people are still trying to get it. Rules are not what is all about. What it is all about is being a new creation in Christ. To know Christ is to love him and study his Word, the Bible daily; then the pieces fall in place and the Holy Spirit resides in you and you naturally want to do what is right. So, being good is not what a Christian is all about but being in Christ is what it is all about and then you will also naturally do as you should which will include goodness, love, holiness, graceful, merciful and so on.

October 19, 2013 at 2:10 pm |

tony

and altar boy molesting, and molesting cover up, and forbidding the use of condoms to help spread aids.

October 19, 2013 at 2:15 pm |

G.

I've known a lot of people in my life that called themselves "Christians" and we far from decent people. Organized religion is about control and was developed to be just that. If you read the bible from that perspective it is really simple to understand why it came about and its real purpose. Blindly following something because of faith is just plain ignorant.

October 19, 2013 at 2:16 pm |

Mike Jones

Thank you, there is so much hatred in those who deny God it is hard to explain to them that God loves them and that He is the one to worship, not the one bringing the message. Man has corrupted God's word and that is what I believe most ahteists hang onto. If they would just remember there was only one perfect man, the Son of God (Jesus of Nazareth, the Christ), there would be so much less misunderstanding. Those who have corrupted God's word will have to deal with him one day. I myself will have to stand before Him and hear the eveidnec against me, but I stand firm in my faith that the way to heaven is through the blood of the Son, Jesus.

October 19, 2013 at 2:53 pm |

tony

Why on earth would god make just one perfect man. And then throw him into an age and place with no global communications? So no-one more than 200 miles away would get the message?

Rainbows go everywhere. So we know god got that message right.

October 19, 2013 at 2:57 pm |

Cpt. Obvious

Generalization fail. Projection. Some atheists are hateful just like some Christians are. Most Christians and atheists are not hateful.

Just because you want one attribute to apply to all those people that aren't a part of your private club doesn't mean that its an accurate assessment.

October 19, 2013 at 3:13 pm |

Check

Cpt. Obvious,

Sorry to go OT, but was it you who was in a discussion with Paul last night, and he posted an apologist's video which redzoa painstakingly addressed point by point? I can't find that discussion today. Where was it?

Yes, the video had new packaging but tired-and-worn-out arguments that have each been refuted multiple times. Sigh.

October 19, 2013 at 3:54 pm |

Cpt. Obvious

I did not see redzoa's post that addressed each point of the video, but that sounds like something s/he would do. It was probably very well done.

October 19, 2013 at 3:56 pm |

Check

Cpt.

Yes, redzoa's reply was excellent. I wanted to go back and compliment him/her since I was too tired last night. Very much too bad if it has been deleted.

October 19, 2013 at 3:59 pm |

Check

p.s. compliments to you too, Cpt., for your posts there... and I can't remember who else participated, but it was a good discussion.

October 19, 2013 at 4:02 pm |

Charles

Compared to the tempters of the world, so is faith among men. John 3: 8 The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit. Please understand this. We have thousands of so-called, feel good churches with teachers and preachers out there for there own reasons, “Read Matt; 25 because these are all the people that excepted Jesus Christ” and most didn’t do His will. If you have not excepted Jesus into your life at all during your life then you want be part of this group of people according to, 1 Corinthians 11:32 condemned with the world. But for those that has excepted, you are instructed to study, as 2 Timothy 2:15 Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. Why would you think you are saved if you refuse to do Gods will according to Acts 2:14-47 when the scriptures only speak of one. Ephesians 4:4-6 King James Version (KJV) 4 There is one body, and one Spirit, even as ye are called in one hope of your calling;5 One Lord, one faith, one baptism,6 One God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all. For some good understanding log on to w65stchurchofchrist.org with your bible in hand and lesson to the sermons that concern you.

October 19, 2013 at 2:04 pm |

tony

OTOH My instructions (which you can actually ask me about) would be to apply the test of credibility to the world you see and become educated instead.

October 19, 2013 at 2:07 pm |

Steel On Target

Medications are on the top shelf by the sink.

October 19, 2013 at 2:08 pm |

sam stone

charles: you do realize that biblical quotes only resonate with those who accept the authority of the bible, don't you?

October 19, 2013 at 2:13 pm |

G.

Charles climb out of the 10th century....

October 19, 2013 at 2:18 pm |

stephen48739

Thank you, Charles. I found the website of your church in Arkansas. Got the "good book" in my hand. Be of good hope, my friend. Your post has planted a seed of conviction in my heart. For too long, I've back-sided my way, away from the Lord. "For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse: Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened." Romans 1:20-21.

I can't say I relate completely but I do in some ways. I have a disability not obvious to everyone because I've learned to mask it. It caught up with me in college as an older returning student. Strange thing how people treat me when I tell them or they find out. But like you I KNOW God love, accepts, & encourages me even when others don't or don't know how! PS love your show! Keep up God's work!

God doesn't need us to do anything for Him. But Ge chooses to work through us. It's really quite beautiful. I get to love the people around me because God loves them. I mean, if a voice in the sky started talking to you and said "I love you," would you believe it or think you were losing your marbles. Instead, I get to show God's love in a meaningful, tangible way that you would understand. God could surely do it by himself, but He gave His people the privilege instead.

This gentleman stepped way outside his comfort zone to share something incredibly personal in the hopes it might help or bring hope to someone. If you can't relate to what he says, fine. Keep your negative thoughts to yourself and move along. Stop trying to belittle others with whom you disagree.

October 19, 2013 at 1:59 pm |

tony

And take "in god we trust" off our currency"

October 19, 2013 at 2:05 pm |

ME II

@Stacy,
Not trying to belittle anyone, but this guy is a radio personality, public figures give up some expectation of privacy when they willingly put their life in the public. In addition, as a radio personality, I wouldn't think this article is outside of his comfort zone.

October 19, 2013 at 2:15 pm |

ME II

You don't need Aspergers to feel like an alien in church, you just need to be in church and try to make sense of what is actually being said.

October 19, 2013 at 1:57 pm |

Steel On Target

At least there's cookies and juice but they make you wait till the end.

October 19, 2013 at 2:10 pm |

ME II

Give blood. They have cookies and juice too... and you'll actually do something.

October 19, 2013 at 2:19 pm |

tamiwbfj

As someone who loves Jesus with all her heart, but is completely baffled, frustrated and disgusted at times with the modern church, I always find Brant's insight so refreshing. I know people will complete to have the most clever retort to his commentary. But those who are willing to read this with their hearts softened will hear the message Jesus came to give. A message that has been distorted by Western Christianity. A message that says, "Welcome. Whoever you are. Whatever you have done. No matter how broken or burdened. You are loved and welcomed here."

October 19, 2013 at 1:55 pm |

tony

Where and Why?

October 19, 2013 at 2:01 pm |

tami with an i

*compete

October 19, 2013 at 2:08 pm |

I sht on your BS, on your Jesus, and your "god"

No, I am not welcome in your nasty little church. Just remember your religion is not above the law and we can coexist.
All the love I have for other people doesn't require nor include any religious dogma, rules, or delusions.
Accordingly, my anger and hate at the lies you spout do not also extend to hating you personally, so don't assume I'm full of hate for everyone. I hate lies. I hate anything that abuses children. Religion terrorizes children. It's child abuse.
Religion is child abuse. If you think it is "love" you are blind to the cruel terror you inflict on innocent children through your religion.
Just sayin.

What kind of cruel terror do you inflict on children when you willfully spread the lies of Satan? If my children where (incorrectly) led to believe that their 9 year old sister who tragically passed away last year was gone forever and that was truly the end for her – they would live a life of full of terror, fearing their own deaths. Thankfully, we are aware that Jesus overcame death and this world. As such, we are confident that we will all be reunited again. Does that truth mean child abuse? No – not at all. The lies of the world that you spread to your own children though, that is sad. Those poor things must be horrified of things they have been led to believe about this life. Hopefully, some day someone, somewhere is able to tell them the truth so they do not have to be afraid any longer.

October 19, 2013 at 3:02 pm |

JWT

Not indoctrinating children with religion or telling them there is no god is not telling them lies at all.

October 19, 2013 at 3:49 pm |

Crom

"lies of Satan" LOL
No lies, just harsh truths is what I'm seeing. By coddling your children they will seek comfort where there is none.
That sounds satanic, not the harsh truths of life and death. They will never be able to react rationally to the real world.
Good child abuse you've got going there. Terrorizing your kids into thinking death has anything to do with your lies is child abuse. You wrap the horror of religion around them like a blanket, blinding them to the harsh pain of truth.
Your poor kids. I feel sorry for them. I think you are lying about losing a kid from the way you talk, too.
Lots of lies to sort through and never an end to them. How does that make you feel? Good because you enjoy lying?

October 19, 2013 at 3:56 pm |

TheTruth

Another fool that believes indoctrinating children and taking their personal choice away is somehow the correct way to bring up children. Sick people in this world.

The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.