feeding badgers, one snack at a time

Not Alone/Her War Her Voice

11/30/2012

Most of you that follow my food blog know that I'm a military spouse. It's not something I talk about, beyond the occasional random mention. I don't want this blog to be another military spouse blog-this is my outlet, my space apart, the place where I can just be me, without worrying about OPSEC and PERSEC or military drama.

So there's that.

Why am I talking about any of this now?

Because the dreaded holidays are upon us. We've lumbered past one, kicking and screaming, and are falling head first into the next.

This is a time of year when suicides go up. When depression peaks. When we can't even begin to look at the people around us because it reminds us of those dear to our hearts that are not next to us.

Why am I even talking about this? My blog is meant to be funny, tongue in cheek (and eventually in your belly. Yes I will be making tongue in the next couple months. I hope.), a light hearted look at cooking healthy and lovingly. The work I do with Her War Her Voice and Not Alone is to help the spouses they care for learn to love food in a healthy way. What does this all have to do with the holidays?

These two holidays, Thanksgiving that we just left behind, and Christmas that we are barreling towards, are very food heavy. It's a time to eat, drink, and be fucking merry no matter what we feel.

Even if we don't celebrate them, the influence of those around us colors our world. When you're sitting at home, and your soldier is hundreds of miles from you, and you know you probably won't get a call because he's being nice and letting others use the phone before you or calling his parents and Granny; it becomes a struggle to understand just why you're even trying to deal with it.

You punish yourself with food. It's either a race to be perfect and cook everything you can as perfectly as you can, and to eat not just your holiday food but his as well, or you tell yourself that you don't fucking deserve to eat anything when your love is gone, with crappy chow hall food or an MRE for a holiday meal.

You hide in your house, refusing to see anyone, because you know if you do you'll break into a hundred thousand pieces and you're not sure you can put them back together this time; or you shove yourself outside of it determined to not let anyone see you crack-you're a military spouse, damn-it, and you won't let anyone know you're bothered by anything.

This is what I want to say.

If you're a military spouse, and your loved one is gone for the holidays-please. Be mindful of the food you eat. I don't care what you eat, as long as you mindfully eat it. Not just to survive, not just so people don't know any thing's wrong, not putting off eating because you don't think you deserve it, not binge eating-just let yourself love you, and feed yourself lovingly. Caringly. As you would feed your children or your spouse. Be mindful. Bring others into your kitchen and feed them if you feel the sorrow of not having your loved one home to cook for.

Love yourself. Love your food. Know that you are not alone.

If you know a military spouse, don't push. But don't let them push you away. Be a friend. Don't pry, don't pity, just love. Offer them food, have them to dinner, bring them something to put in the freezer if they don't want to be around people. If it's been longer than normal since you heard from them, or they "went dark", poke around and check on them. Drop by with some tea or coffee. Or better yet a bottle of something with alcohol.

09/19/2012

Finally, sorta, kinda caught up on sleep. Spent a weekend cooking for Not Alone and Her War Her Voice again-always a good time, always too little sleep, always a wonderful outcome.I then got to spend a week watching friends and family get ready to deploy. And then about a week and a half depressed. Fun.

The Badger finally got to see me in motion, doin' what I do-in his words "Wow. When you work, you really work". Um, thanks?

Anywhoes, this is what my kitchen looked like getting ready:I ran the dishwasher three times that day.

(random side note: there is a mosquito in the house that keeps trying to eat my face. Not cool, mosquito, not cool.)

As I'm sure you're all wondering why I've brought you all here today, let us get to it.

(random side note the second: Now I can't hear it, and I'm getting worried.)

For the retreat, among other things, I made lasagna. The recipe has been requested, so this is my attempt to remember just how I put it together. (it's different every time. which makes recipe-ing it hard. also, sometimes I make it while drunk. it's not my fault, it's an all day recipe. the shibbies made me do it.)

(random side note the third: now Either is hunting flies, and using my leg and her claws to pin them. I can not catch a break today.)

(random side note the fourth: I decided to stop for the day, and pick up the next day, given the amount of bug related drama)

So.

Lasagna.

This recipe is kind of an all day affair. It's also not that cheap, due to all the cheese and such. Unless you're making a whole bunch of lasagnas, in which case it evens out.

First thing you're going to need is a red sauce. You're going to need a blender or a stick blender for this.

Cover the bottom of a large pot (6-8quart) with about 1 tablespoon oil.

Saute your onions, carrots, and celery in the oil until they start to soften.

In a separate skillet, saute your cauliflower until it's golden.

Add cauliflower to your pot, add the garlic. Salt the veggies to taste.

Turn the heat up, and add about 1/2 cup of wine, stirring it in to loosen anything stuck to the bottom of the pot. Let it cook mostly off.

Add your diced tomatoes, tomato sauce, a cup or so of wine. If your sauce looks very thick, add some of the reserved tomato juice.

Let it cook on med. high heat, stirring, for about 5 minutes. Taste for salt, add all of the dried basil or about half of the fresh basil, roughly chopped.

Turn down to low (you want a very light simmer), and let it cook for 30 min. to an hour. You're looking for the wine taste to cook out, and all the flavors to come together.

Get out a 2nd bowl or pot that can hold all your sauce (if you have a stick blender, you won't need it. just blend everything smooth) and start blending your sauce in your blender. Add the remaining fresh basil at this point. Be very careful, only filling your blender about 1/3 full as the sauce is not only hot and will splash, but the steam will build up in the closed blender. Blend your sauce in batches until it's all smooth, transfering each blended batch into your new pot.

Taste it. Add salt if needed.

And that's the sauce! It's probably more than you need, but it freezes like a champ.

I'm very proud that you've stuck it out this far. Here's a bun picture to make it up to you: