21 Responses to Two 18+ works in progress

Yeah, that’s a mistake. Like I said, work in progress. I actually went back and fixed it, so it looks kind of better. I the end, though, I put the nipples in with the colouring and dont even bother to include them in clean lineart.

Oh, and I used no references. Well, after the fact I went on danbooru looking for images of the same position hoping I drew it ok.

I dont really care THAT you reffed, it’s actually refreshing to see you go to a real source instead of trying to imagine what a woman looks like in that position (which is a hard feat for even the most accomplished of men).

Are you trying to improve artistically or just drawing for the hell of it?

I’ve actually used references a decent amount of times, and have taken proper drawing classes before. For me, I mostly knew what things looked like, it was just a matter of making my hands produce what was in my head. Lately I’ve been drawing roughly every day, and it’s really helped improve how I handle my lines and such. I’m still not perfect, but I can say with some confidence that I’ve improved somewhat.

As for this drawing specifically, it’ll be colored. I just drew it for the hell of it.

With the pictures before, i couldn’t tell that you used that you used any sort of reference. You might consider picking up or downloading a few drawing books like Loomis or Hogarth and following the exercises.

Honestly, I hate your subject matter, but I still would like to see you improve as an artist.

Your comic because I suppose your portrayl of the protagonist’s counterpart ends up being the cliche somewhat hot yaoi fangirl. I’ve seen this way too many times in anime-oriented webcomics, its the oldest trick in the book. A better character, IMO, would be a mega-gar shonen fangirl who can appreciate action even more than the main character, and gives him a run for his money on nerdiness. He worships Char? She can find ten thousand reasons why Char probably takes it up the butt, and instead of being turned on by it, uses it against him to ruin the show for him. She’s only his friend because she gets off on causing him pain, and will never have a romantic interest in him. This sort of female character would be way more interesting to read, and would probably inspire a more active interest from the readers in viewing porn of her.

Secondly, your main character just reeks of desperation, but not in an NHK way. Its as though you fully condone and support his pathetic behavior, and by doing that, it loses any humor it might have. Thirdly, you rely too heavily on face-gags. There’s nothing really funny about your strips, not the situations, not the characters, not the dialogue.

Though your art is bad, I’ve seen worse, although it’s discouraging that you haven’t improved. As for your pin ups, I suppose I dislike them because they’re either lolicon or yaoi-fangirl, and instead of being ‘hot’, they’re just standard. You can lurk /h/ on 4chan any day and see more original ideas than ‘blowjob’ and ‘cowboy’.

The kind of character you described for Tina isn’t really attractive to me, so that’s why she’s turned out the way she has. Actually, it pained me a bit to make her into a yaoi fangirl, since they bother me to no end. That’s going to be as much realism I inject into her. You don’t have to worry about any contrived romances though, because I suck at writing anything serious and I’d never totally ruin my comic by adding in a romantic element.

I don’t see what’s wrong with condoning Rets’ actions, since they’re just the same as any other hardcore otaku, and in the end that’s this comic’s target audience (it’s well received by the few Japanese readers I have, lol.)

I do however agree with you on how I rely too much on Cromartie-detailed expressions. It’s a bad habit I’ve fallen into, and I need to shake it. As for the rest, humour is subjective, but at the same I admit I’m not the best joke writer. My jokes are funny enough for the people who read and enjoy the comic, but I still try my best to find my style and improve my writing. Right now I’m leaning more towards “yeah, here’s some kids talking about anime, and here’s some funny and somewhat insightful things they’re saying.”

I’d also say I’ve improved quite a but. I mean, just look at the first strips in comparison to the latest ones… there’s a big improvement.

Anyways, thanks for the comments. I’m assuming you’re from 4chan, so I thank you for not just popping and calling me a fag or something w.

I’ve been a 4channer, but I’m not from 4chan. Actually, I’ve known about your webcomic since before 4chan (because I was the one who introduced it to /ic/).

I can understand and appreciate the lack of ability at joke and dialogue writing, as that’s something I struggle with myself. Have you considered setting up a focus group or some proof readers to help you hammer things out? Also, with Rets, I think the problem with him is he isnt over the top enough. He just feels like an icky hikko, someone even the scum of the earth would sneer at, and that isn’t funny, just pathetic. I noticed that you like Gurren, and one of the reoccurring gags Gurren used (before Kamina’s death) was over the top. You just aren’t taking their actions anywhere near there.

My suggestion for Tina was just a suggestion, but why did you write her as someone you hate, yet keep her in a positive light? She ends up so bland. I guess I come from the comic school where you overdo everything for comedic value~~~

Well, I don’t really hate the yaoi angle, it just took some pushing (har har) to write it into her character. Her character at first was just pure 100% wish fulfillment, so I figured I need to level it out a bit.

I also think overdoing things is funny (hence overdone facial expressions) but when you’re talking about about TV shows, it’s hard to make a discussion between two people all that overblown. I guess my humour is kind of a bit more from the Lucky Star side of things– observational humour that’s meant to bring out a chuckle rather than an LOL. I mean, I could go the Pani Poni Dash route and have the references physically manifest in the comic, but I want to keep some kind of realism here.

In the end, when it comes to my writing, I’m just writing things I like and can relate to. I can relate with Rets, I’d find a girl like Tina attractive, and I like the shows they talk about. This is no excuse for me not to improve (since lord knows I need to) but the subject matter will always remain the same. If you like it, you like it. If you don’t you don’t and I respect that.

also

>>You can lurk /h/ on 4chan any day and see more original ideas than ‘blowjob’ and ‘cowboy’.

I’m still a porno novice cut me some slack. I also tend to like more vanilla porn anyway. I’m just boring like that.

It doesn’t have to be non-vanilla porn, but these days, even missionary is more unique than blowjob and cowboy. I guess because these positions are wish fulfillment (since you don’t have to draw the man’s face, you can always pretend it’s you up there), they’re popular to draw, but it’s not really an excuse. I’m sure you watch enough porno or read enough hentai to be able to think up some better ideas than THAT. And Tina looks so miserable during that blowjob. Nothing is more sexy than a girl actually enjoying what she’s doing.

There are plenty of comics that do the overblown thing well. One of the writers for Hugglestealers was really good at having over the top antics. Lucky Star is just the poor man’s Minami-ke which is just the bastard sister of Azu Manga Diaoh. At least punch it up to Minami-ke level.

Hm, well Azu and Lucky are both 4koma, so I guess you’re right about Minami, but they’re all what, the same age group (highschool, although Minami is also elementary and middleschool), and they’re all about school humor/day to day life humor/ family life humor, right? All observational and situational humor. We’re comparing Granny Smiths to Red Delicious, MAYBE, but they’re still apples.

I’m curious as to how many people actually do find your comic funny and not just something to pass the time waiting for the bus to elementary school. It’s poorly drawn, it’s self serving, and it isnt even funny.

Oh very much confirm. If you’re REALLY curious, I’ll tell you who I am and who I’m friends with, and your great ‘internet detective’ skills can figure out that I’m female, 22, and a cosplayer.

Those aren’t insults (unless you mean my quip about the age of your audience, and you’ve ADMITTED to be a pedophil…i mean lolicon), those are facts. Your comic IS poorly drawn, although with training and dedication it could get better, it IS self-serving as you’ve admitted that Tina is wish-fulfillment and Rets is a self-insert, and it ISNT funny.

The first one is looking good indeed, although I dislike the presence of headless men. (I understand the need, but I prefer the faceless solution. Actually, I’m sort of imagining the rest of the picture with the guy holding a pillow over his head. Because he’d be too lame to actually enjoy the show. /TMI)

…I think Rets is funny. Basically, he’s a passionately wretched character, a true believer living in his own one-man monastery. He’s got that kind of slowly-drying-out look of a desert monk, tormented by constant visions of water. When I look at him stare silently at Tina, to me it’s almost as if he’s thinking “Does she really exist, or did I already snap some time back, and conjure this wish-fulfillment girl to have someone to talk to? The fact her eyes happen to be the same color as the lining of my retina–some oblique, silent clue from a last shred of rationality that my moe-fevered brain has long forbade to speak?”

Good bye, 20th century!

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