How to believe in love again? People with a good sense of humor live happier lives. These short stories will charge your day with positive energy! They'll about usual people in usual everyday situations showing an unusual approach to them.
Tell us in the comments which story made you laugh.
TIMESTAMPS
Story 1 0:40
Story 2 1:20
Story 3 1:56
Story 4 2:44
Story 5 3:23
Story 6 4:01
Story 7 4:36
Story 8 5:30
Story 9 6:00
Story 10 6:26
#truestories #lovestories #cuteness
SUMMARY
-My besties got married thanks to her sense of humor.
-A story of how edible paper can serve as an excellent prank material.
-I applied a hair mask, and when I washed it off I noticed that my hair was bright blue.
-The story of a dramatic pregnancy that will make you life.
-One day I came home and saw a total mess: flour was everywhere, and my husband was cooking something.
-We all need a break from work sometimes.
-A story of helpful Tim that only helps certain people though.
-Sometimes you thank people for the compliment they weren't planning on making.
-If there's a sleeping beauty, there should be a sleeping policeman, too.
-A corporate ladder is sometimes too hard to climb.
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Leaving Home | A Tragicomedy
The time has come that a young adult man has to leave his parental home and stand on his own two feet, or so his father believes. The boy sets out to the world, but somehow it is impossible for him to leave. In this light, absurd and comical little drama, the boy's journey is obstructed by the wierdest of reasons. Or is there something else holding him back?
Video about letting go | Leaving your parental home | Leaving the house | Moving out of your parental home | Let go | Growing up | Coming-of-age tragicomedy | Animated coming-of-age comedy | Becoming an adult | Funny video about growing up | Funny drama about becoming an adult
Animated Short by Joost Lieuwma.
Funny cartoon | Animated Short |
Produced by il Luster
Music by Alexander Jorrit Kleijnen and Alexander Reumers
Sound, mix and foley by Jeroen Nadorp, Bob Kommer Studios

Best Short Stories in English. The Fly Who Forgot her Name (Eega) Funny Animated Cartoon Story For Babies, Toddlers, Kids and Children's.
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THE STORY OF YOUR LIFE | an inspirational journey | short motivational video | Dare to do. Motivation
https://shop.spreadshirt.com/dare-to-do-motivation
Listen to your heart...be happy...don't give up and always believe!
The beautiful story from Buddha's Tale about the Value Of Life, read by Dare to do. Motivation
=====================================================================================================================
Hi everybody i write and speak most of the speeches myself, so if you need some material or want to do some sort of collaboration,
feel free to contact me : [email protected]
Speaker:
Dare to do.MOTIVATION https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5VP2Yr-U7PHyDKHQQfkH9w?disable_polymer=true
=====================================================================================================================
Music Search:
AudioJungle https://audiojungle.net/
Relaxing Piano by Tiago di Ferreira
Foto:
https://4kwallpapersimages.com/background-pretty-blue-bright-hd-uhd-wallpaper/
======================================================================================================================
*FAIR-USE COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER*
Copyright Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism,
commenting, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing.
Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use.
1)This video has no negative impact on the original works (It would actually be positive for them)
2)This video is also for teaching purposes.
3)It is not transformative in nature.
4)I only used bits and pieces of videos to get the point across where necessary.
DARE to do. MOTIVATION does not own the rights to these video clips.
They have, in accordance with fair use, been repurposed with the intent of educating and inspiring others.
However, if any content owners would like their images removed, please contact us by email at [email protected]
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Ellen Degeneres' Tips To Making People Instantly Like You
Discover The 4 Emotions You Need To Make a Killer First Impression:
http://bit.ly/2nWBHVU
We all want people to like us. And Ellen Degeneres seems to have that down to a science.
Ellen Degeneres is one of the most likable hosts on TV. And it’s largely due to the types of jokes that she makes. Almost all hosts are funny, but Ellen’s style of comedy has a way of instantly endearing her guests to her.
Today we are going to talk about the most common types of jokes that Ellen makes, how you can use them to get people to immediately like you, and some habits that you can work on to just generally be funnier throughout your day.
1:10 - The kind of jokes that make people sad, ones that Ellen rarely makes
2:08 - Self-deprecating jokes make people feel comfortable around Ellen
3:10 - Poking fun at subjects that people are not insecure about allows Ellen to crack jokes without upsetting people
5:20 - Making ego boosting jokes that make other people feel good, makes Ellen someone that people want to spend more time with
5:59 - Ellen can also joke around and just simply be silly
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We've read a lot of excellent tips regarding the best way to build and deliver an elevator pitch design to draw attention for our project.
This is a perfect example of an "elevator Pitch", given in "The Dilemma" (2011), the Movie. It summarizes probably everything at the best, and shows how you can build a very convincing story in only 2 minutes.
WARNING: the term "gay" is used in this movie. Before everyone could feel offended and complain about it, it's worth mentioning that "gay" has several definitions. in this video, the correct meaning is: "A gay object is brightly coloured and pretty to look at." (Collins Dictionary). It is obvious that the term "gay" used here does not refer to a "homosexual person".
This is a copyrighted material, which diffusion is allowed by its owner
This movie is a production of Universal Pictures & Imagine Entertainment, in association with Spyglass Entertainment and
Wild West Picture Show Productions (as Wild West Picture Show)

Chemistry is often considered one of the toughest subjects for a child at school. However, we managed to turn such a hard subject into fun!
We at Bright Side are certain that any subject, no matter how complicated, can be made interesting for children provided it’s explained in an accessible way. Take chemistry for example, which is often considered one of the toughest subjects for a child to learn at school. We suggest beginning with the most famous chemical elements and their characteristics.
TIMESTAMPS
Gold 0:12
Hydrogen 0:29
Fluorine 0:46
Carbon 1:06
Sodium 1:24
Sulfur 1:42
Neon 1:59
Nitrogen 2:22
Mercury 2:37
Oxygen 3:02
#chemicalelements #chemistry #periodictable
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LEADERSHIP VA class of 2008 soapbox
HEY EVERYONE!!! I have published my first book A Gone Pecan. A funny murder mystery set in the deep south. Please support this starving artist (i've lost over 200 Ibs since this video, so leave the fat jokes to yourself LOL) and click onhttp://www.authorhouse.com/BookStore/BookDetail.aspx?Book=285116
and buy my book!!!! I swear it'll make you snort your sweet tea. Thanks!

By Jade | Subscribe: http://bit.ly/sub2storybooth | Record your story @ https://storybooth.com or our iPhone app for a chance to get animated. Comment, like, share this story.
Jade is 13 years old now and in 8th grade. Somewhere back in 4th or 5th grade, when school work started getting a bit harder, and homework started up, was when she was labeled the smart kid in her class. To her, she just was able to finish faster and do really well, and, honestly, she really didn't like it. Being labeled the smart kid in class made school life difficult.
First, when you're labeled the smart kid you're expected to do things in class that no one else wants to do. For example, when the teacher says okay class, who can solve this problem, and nobody wants to do it, you can pretty much bet that your name is going to get called. And it's not even really the teachers who call on her in class, it's the other kids calling out and saying hey, Jade can do it, make Jade do it!
But Jade didn't want to solve the problem in class just as much as the other kids didn't, but nobody seemed to understand that. Other students had envy for her because she was so smart. She would certainly graduate with honors. Just because she might have had a high IQ, that didn't mean she wanted to be treated any differently by her classmates, friends, teachers, or parents.
Second, cheating. Jade is no angel, or a goody-goody, or anything like that, but she does find it really annoying when she's trying to finish her school work in class and other students are whispering to her to give them the answers, or begging her to let them cheat off her when the questions are hard. Cheaters are just so annoying.
Third, expectations. The expectation on you when you are labeled the smart kid, or a genius, or whatever, is that you're basically expected to learn and know EVERYTHING! For example, last week she was working with a friend where you do stations, moving from one to the next and completing a project at each. It's not a race, but the other students treat it like one. And so there were two boys who got ahead of them in the stations, and one of them says Oh wow, I thought she was supposed to be smarter than that.
And fourth, born a baby genius. Everybody thinks, even her friends and best friends, that just because she's smart she doesn't work hard to do well or to learn. The other students treat her like everything is easy and that she can just hang around all the time and just get good grades or get on the honor roll just by being who she is. They think she doesn't try hard, which she does, and that she doesn't feel the enormous pressure she and maybe even her parents, and teachers, put on her.
So, when you label someone the smart kid, just remember that they're trying their hardest too, and most likely, other than the fact that they scored a little better on their test, they are just exactly like you!
_____
What's your story? storybooth wants to hear it! actually happened
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Being Yourself:
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Love and Heartbreak:
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#storybooth #storyboothOnlyTrueStories

Subscribe for more short comedy sketches & films: http://bit.ly/laurisb Funny business meeting illustrating how hard it is for an engineer to fit into the corporate world! Watch the next episodes: http://bit.ly/SquareProjectEp1, http://bit.ly/SquareProjectEp2 & http://bit.ly/SquareProjectEp3
Starring: Orion Lee, James Marlowe, Abdiel LeRoy, Ewa Wojcik, Tatjana Sendzimir.
Subtitles available in many, many languages (enable them using the "Subtitles/Closed Captions" button). A big thank-you to everyone who translated! You can add new subtitles here: http://www.youtube.com/timedtext_video?v=BKorP55Aqvg
Written & Directed by Lauris Beinerts
Based on a short story "The Meeting" by Alexey Berezin
Produced by Connor Snedecor & Lauris Beinerts
Director of Photography: Matthew Riley
Sound Recordist: Simon Oldham
Production Designer: Karina Beinerte
1st Assistant Director: James Hanline
Make-up Artist: Emily Russell
Editor: Connor Snedecor
Sound Designer: James Bryant
Colourist: Janis Stals
Animator: Benjamin Charles
The original short story "The Meeting" (in Russian): http://alex-aka-jj.livejournal.com/66984.html
The Expert shirt campaign is over, but let me know if you'd be interested, you can check it here: https://bonfire.com/the-expert
We made this video using:
- Canon 7D camera: http://amzn.to/1FuXXVv
- Final Cut Pro 7: http://amzn.to/1Lt7UrZ
- Web-based Cyrillic converter: http://2cyr.com/
- The Hospital Club premises for a stage test (only partially recorded...): http://thehospitalclub.com/
- Libre Office Calc to make sense of the shot list...
- 7 different markers and an empty juice pack to get the right sound
- A bottle of single malt whiskey
Funny short comedy films / sketches / skits & any other videos / movies made by Lauris Beinerts.
If you like to laugh, subscribe for new (albeit irregular) videos!
Семь красных линий
Гуманитарий и инженер
Дизайнер и заказчик
工程师心里的痛只有工程师能懂
史上最悲催工程师 如何用透明笔画出红色线条
#ShortComedySketch #expert

Amy Schumer Joke Stealing Compilation: All Examples ( as of April 2017)
I have 4 separate videos, so I thought I would combine them all for the sake of convenience.
Here are the 4 others.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qv0eWN8v_tg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3u_e0yqp0bU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6NuN5W_MPo
Featuring Amy "parallel thinking jokes" from Daniel Tosh, Patrice O'Neal, Louis CK, Dave Chappelle, Dave Attell, Ellen DeGeneres, John Mulaney, and many more.

If the music video for BTS' "Idol" sounded more like it looks....
Available on iTunes, Spotify, Amazon, and Google Play.
Follow on Instagram and Twitter: @badlipreading
Like on Facebook! http://www.facebook.com/badlipreading
#BTS #BLR #Sampleofmypasta
LYRICS
I am starving
I need some bread
First we dance
Now I go and sit down
Oh it's my turn
Get to stomp all around
Oh wow, there's a jet in the sky!
Oh no dang!
All these giraffes give me glances cuz I dance in the sun
Oh now I kick cuz there's dust in my lungs
Can anybody tell me where I am?
Always wonder why it smells like the trash
If you know what I mean
CUTE BIRD!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
I SAY NO NO!
And then I say YES YES YES
Hey look a motorcycle
I do this and glisten in the sun and I know
YOU TOOK A SAMPLE OF MY PASTA!
YOU TOOK A SAMPLE OF MY PASTA!
YOU TOOK A SAMPLE OF MY PASTA!
YOU TOOK A SAMPLE OF MY PASTA!
YOU TOOK A SAMPLE OF MY PASTA!
Paint the sofa, go to bed
Steal some snow then buy an egg
Show your muscles, work on walking
You know how to dance! BAGA BAGA!
I'm gonna get some peaches, gonna put 'em in a pan
And then I'll pour the onions in
AND NOW I SPIN!
I'm tough!
Yeah, I'm a quality koala teacher
At least I'm better than these people on the floor
Y'all are freaking me out, then I dance kinda hard
Gonna sit down here -- OW!
Somebody must have lost a spiky ball!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
I SAY NO NO!
And then I say YES YES YES
I'm riding on a leopard
And now I'm punching out my rage and I know
YOU TOOK A SAMPLE OF MY PASTA!
YOU TOOK A SAMPLE OF MY PASTA!
YOU TOOK A SAMPLE OF MY PASTA!
YOU TOOK A SAMPLE OF MY PASTA!
YOU TOOK A SAMPLE OF MY PASTA!
I'm feeling low
Gotta stop the train while I go boo-hoo
Yeah, I'm feeling low
In my soul
SO I KEEP ON DANCING!
YOU TOOK A SAMPLE OF MY PASTA!
YOU TOOK A SAMPLE OF MY PASTA!
YOU TOOK A SAMPLE OF MY PASTA!
I'm feeling low
Gotta stop the train while I go boo-hoo
Yeah, I'm feeling low
In my soul

Watch another Short and motivational Hindi story named "Salim Aur Bhikhari" Cartoons for Kids. In this story there is a man named Salim' who taught a beggar about the value of earning from hard work. Hindi kahaniya cartoon is very famous in children's which give very good moral, these animated stories (Kahani) are very popular among the children because it is very simple, meaningful interesting, inspirational with funny characters which are latest and best in the class, these stories contains amazing, cute small and big popular animals. These type stories are very simple, rochak, old and entertaining which you can watch for free on YouTube Maha Cartoon TV XD Channel, It’s very easy, best and real examples to teach your children thru cartooning in Hindi and Urdu Language. You can say its bedtime nursery stories with morality. Subscribe Maha Cartoon TV XD, the leading Kids Entertainment channel of India Do like, share, and comment below!
http://www.mahacartoontv.com/
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Moral Stories of Panchatantra for kids in Hindi
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rd0SoO0iqU4&list=PLL3DIbhR4h7wfOYS5II1-xIkybXMtcwnF
Hindi Kahaniya Cartoons with Moral for Children
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bASC_jFqL7U&list=PLL3DIbhR4h7yCiadfsYrDXM_kNULhvqfO
#HindiCartoon #MoralStory #mahacartoontvXD

Aaron delivers a funny wedding speech for his brother. Get his tips at http://www.WeddingSpeechKiller.com now. Whether you are the best man, the maid of honor, a groomsmen, a bridesmaid, a family member, or just a friend and want to know how to write a wedding speech, this video will give you ideas. Tip: to make your toast memorable, include a lot of wedding jokes.
A big thanks to Scott at http://redletterday.ca for filming!

This poignant film examines the lives of people who suffer from ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). Behavioural characteristics include severe distractibility, impulsivity and hyperactivity. Diagnosis has proved controversial as most sufferers are diagnosed when young and treatment is for life. Filmed in New Zealand, the programme shows the reality of dealing with children so difficult they can barely interact with their peers, let alone family members.
The film also features adult sufferers who have had to live with the disorder, undiagnosed for much of their lives and the different methods of dealing with ADHD such as drugs, life management, natural remedies and counselling.
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Content licensed from TVF International. Any queries, please contact us at: [email protected]
Produced by Topshelf Productions

You’ve never seen his face, but you’d know those booming bass tones anywhere. With over 100 movie trailers under his belt, Redd Pepper is the voice behind all your favorite blockbuster hits. He’s voiced the trailers for movies like “Armageddon,” “The Blair Witch Project,” and “Space Jam.” His talents were first discovered over the intercom on the London Underground—now, he’s working alongside the likes of Steven Spielberg.
#MovieTrailers
#VoiceOver
#BTS
SUBSCRIBE: https://goo.gl/vR6Acb
This story is a part of our Human Condition series. Come along and let us connect you to some of the most peculiar, stirring, extraordinary, and distinctive people in the world.
Got a story idea for us? Shoot us an email at hey [at] GreatBigStory [dot] com
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Visit our world directly: http://www.greatbigstory.com

Sandy Hook Promise is a nonprofit organization formed in Newtown, CT, following the Sandy Hook Elementary School shootings. The organization aims to stop gun violence and emphasizes knowing the signs that can lead to violence. Video by Sandy Hook Promise

Add me on Facebook. (click the LIKE button on Facebook to add me) http://www.facebook.com/brusspup
Music in the video are songs I created.
Song #1: Over Rain
iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/over-rain-single/id1033695238
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Over-Rain-brusspup/dp/B014JXPNSW/
Song #2 Soul Switch Remix - Will be available soon
All of these tricks take advantage of static electricity. In general, the lower the humidity, the better these tricks will work. The most impressive one to me is the floating bag trick. Depending on the conditions, you can float an entire grocery sack.
1. Hover Plate: (You need Styrofoam Plates and a cloth) Styrofoam plates are great for static electricity tricks. When you give them a charge and hold one above the other, you can feel an incredible amount of resistance.
2. Can Can Go (You need a coke can, PVC pipe and a cloth) This is a classic but still fun. Try standing the can up and then tip it over with static, or try pulling 2 cans at the same time.
3. Stick Around (You need a small wooden stick, glass jar, thread, tape, PVC pipe and a cloth) This one is fun because half of the time the wooden stick will come toward the pvc pipe, and other times it will move away from the pipe. When it moves away, it will stick the the side of the jar and remain there for a period of time. It also fun to use as large a jar as possible to increase the dramatic effect of the pipe moving the stick from such a large distance.
4. Bubble Trouble (You need bubble solution, plexi-glass, PVC pipe, straw and a cloth. This is a fun trick because the bubbles change their shape and move when the pvc pipe is near. It's also fun to create bubbles inside of bubbles to watch the effect of the static electricity. And also create multiple bubbles on the sheet and watch them all travel toward the pipe.
5. Dancing Balls (You need styrofoam balls, aluminum foil, plexi-glass, cloth, and an area to keep the balls from escaping. This trick is really impressive but can be a bit difficult to recreate. When the plexi-glass plate is charged and placed over the balls, they all jump up and stick to the bottom of the glass. For a few moments they travel around sporadically until they finally settle. But when you put your finger near the glass, they all start jumping around. It's also fun to use these balls with styrofoam plates / cups. If you place the ball on a charged plate, it will shoot off of the plate, or stick to it, even if the plate is held sideways or upside down.
6. Water Bender (You need a cup that you can poke a hole in, water, PVC pipe and a cloth. This is a classic but still fun.
7. Balloon Fight (You need balloons, thread, PVC pipe and cloth. When the conditions are just right, the balloon can almost levitate about the pipe. But most of the time you can have fun pushing the balloons around with the charged pipe.
8. Electroscope (You need, steel wire, jar, straw, aluminum foil, PVC pipe and a cloth) This one is really impressive to see in person. A really cool effect to try, which you can see in this video, is to rub the cloth on the pvc pipe from several feet away from the jar. When you run the pipe, you can see the aluminum foil pieces in the jar, moving. I was able to stand as far as 5 feet away and still see the effect.
9. Wingardium Leviosa (You need very light weight / thin plastic bags, cloth, PVC pipe) This is my favorite trick. Again, with the correct conditions, you can get the plastic pieces to float over foot above the pipe. Produce bags from the grocery store work great. You can float an entire produce bag in the right conditions.
Have fun!

Zoya Akhtar, Dibakar Banerjee, Karan Johar, and Anurag Kashyap come together to give us a reality check on relationships.
SUBSCRIBE: http://bit.ly/29qBUt7
About Netflix:
Netflix is the world's leading internet entertainment service with 130 million memberships in over 190 countries enjoying TV series, documentaries and feature films across a wide variety of genres and languages. Members can watch as much as they want, anytime, anywhere, on any internet-connected screen. Members can play, pause and resume watching, all without commercials or commitments.
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Lust Stories | Real Relationships | Netflix
http://youtube.com/netflix

This is a list of the cleverest and most creative guerilla marketing
like our facebook page for more fun: https://www.facebook.com/fails.planet/
Beach Bum - Happy Rock by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution license (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)
Source: http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1100347
Artist: http://incompetech.com/

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Sandeep maheshwari is the name of inspiration for all those people who face failure in life. He is the CEO of image bazaar .His all seminars free for public. He is the best Motivational speaker in India .His Life full with lot of experience ... He encourage students and held many seminar for students .His speech is about how to get success in life and how to overcome failure , how to manage relationship in life , and he give best business ideas with low money he teach how to earn money and how to become rich in easy way his latest videos is about how to overcome negative thoughts and for students his best videos are how to focus on study and how to crack exam and also how to crack job interview .
His video about communication skill is also best mean how to speak in English in easy way. His spirituality videos are also help full and health tips videos how to become fit, and you can learn from his videos how to control your thoughts for long time..
If you want know how to start business with low money then watch sandeep maheshwari videos about business ideas. He teach how to become rich and how to earn money in many ways in life. He was average student in school life, so he discuss how to get good marks in exam and how to increase your concentration power and observation power, his inspirational videos are gift for all people who want to do something in their life . his videos is about how to improve your personality by sandeep maheshwari is very effective how to improve your dressing style and how to overcome fair and anger in your life . You should watch his video on power of focus and power of desire and then must watch how to happy in life by sandeep maheshwari . his short motivational stories and many success stories will inspire you for overcome failure . and one day you also become successful like sandeep maheshwari , you will learn how to get rid from negative thoughts and how to leave bad habits in your life .
Keep smiling and be successful
Speaker:
Sandeep Maheshwari
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Check out Cameron's NEWEST Feature Length Murder Mystery Comedy, "Death by Potato" now on Amazon!
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MG2FG5T/ref=sr_1_sc_1?s=instant%20-video&ie=UTF8&qid=1477073966&%20sr=1-1-spell&keywords=Death+%20By+Potao
Winner of the LACHSA 2012 Moon Dance Best Film Award, and Best Actor Award.
Written, directed and edited by Cameron Covell, this short film, starring Nick Lopez and Analisa Gutierrez, is a love story between two unlikely people. Also with Cameron Herbst, Madison Kirkpatrick, and Tim Wagner.
Shot on the Canon 60d.
Edited in Final Cut Pro 6.

A look at how the Kardashians got started and all the kids since.
Subscribe: https://goo.gl/Hnoaw3
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For years we’ve all been wondering what is up with this Kardashian family? They are famous for all their amazing talents, yet when it comes to their personal lives, we know nothing about them. Thankfully, we’ve done a little digging and can share with you everything you’ve ever wanted to know about the Kardashian Family tree. Like, “Who is that guy Kimberly Kardashian is married to?” and “Did Kylie Jenner really have a baby?" Don’t worry, if the mainstream media won’t cover what’s going on in the Kardashian clan, we’ve got your back, and let us just tell you, it’s all very interesting! Once we are finished blowing your mind with all these Kardashian family tree bombshells, be sure to let us know what you think in the comment section below, and don’t forget to subscribe to TheTalko!
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The following are humorous (and sometimes serious too ) quotes gathered from the Web, Usenets personal .sig and other sources (in particular the excellent and original Top5 mailing list). Since its all a big rip-off, I am assuming no copyright whatsoever. I dont even guarantee that they are accurate. Now that youve been warned, enjoy.
Men Bashing Women Bashing Some images available as wallpaper Some images available on a royalty-free compilation CD Some images available as a poster More: Sexual quotes.
Men Bashing.
"Do not confuse: Patching up things with our lovers and Repairing the leaks in our inflate-a-dolls ." "Not all men are annoying. Some are dead." "Macho does not prove mucho." — Zsa Zsa Gabor. "Give a man a free hand and hell run it all over you." — Mae West (1892—1980). "You know the movie youre watching is a chick flick if you wake up and your wife is crying." — Rick Oie. "It takes a woman twenty years to make a man of her son, and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him." — Helen Rowland.

"Supposedly I was created in gods image. I dont know. youd think god would have a bigger penis than this." — Anthony Myers. "I now stand corrected — there is one gift a woman does not prefer to come in a small package." "When was the last time you saw a size small package of condoms ?" "It would be a mistake to put fluoride in condoms because a cavity is exactly what Im hoping for." — James Knowles. "Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high." "Men only have two faults: Everything they say and everything they do." "Behind Every Good Man Is An Even Better Woman." "You cant throw him back because he doesnt meet the legal size limit." — Dave Henry, Honeymoon Tip for Brides. "All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. Thats his." — Oscar Wilde. "Knowing what I do now about women, if I could just travel back in time to when I was 16 years old, I bet I would have gotten laid by now." — Ed Smith. "There is so little difference between husbands you might as well keep the first." — Adela Rogers St. John. "Outside every thin woman is a fat man trying to get in." — Katherine Whitehorn. "You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands. For instance if they are placed around your throat, shes probably slightly upset." "Men are like small children. You bring a new one home and the ones already there resent it." "Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they dont generate a lot of interest." "If Adam had had a real hairy back, we probably wouldnt be here today." — Dave Henry.e.