Pages

Saturday, December 14, 2013

We're here.

It didn't really hit me until a couple days ago how much we have been living out of suitcases over the past 2 years, and how, if all goes to plan, we will be doing so for at least another 1 - 2 years. And by "out of suitcases," I mean, not in our own home, not with our own stuff, and with no real control over our environment. We have done our best in Poland to make the house our home and here, so far, in making this place our home. I think "home" has such a different meaning for me now that I don't even know what it means anymore.

It's very easy to be here. For me, at least. It's easy because I "know" it. I know the routes to all the stores. I know where all my favorite restaurants are. And we have friends we can visit without having to introduce ourselves first. It's easy. At times it feels like the last 18 months were all just a hazy dream that went by incredibly fast and that was packed with so much that I really don't know how we did it and perhaps, is it possible, it didn't really happen at all?

Oh, so many thoughts. And I really don't know that any of them make sense. We have had no real routine for the last 2 years, no home that we can call our home and lots and lots of packing and unpacking and storing and unpacking and repacking and giving away and buying back... I thought being back here would be restful, and in some ways it is, but it's also just more of everything...

There's no real point to all of this. I just feel like saying it. And I also feel like saying that we are only beginning to realize just how blessed we are to be able to live in a time, and have the resources, to do all that we have done in the last 2 years, simply because we wanted to do it. Because we thought it was good. Because it is good. Isn't that amazing?

For now I am trying to do what I said I would do in my last post, which was to enjoy myself here, and not think too much about how not regular our lifestyle is right now or how hard it will be to finally settle down when all the dust clears. Every time I get that panicky feeling about the future and how crazy the next two years, with more kids and building a house and traveling, are going to be, I just take a deep breathe and try to just be here, this day, one day at a time.