I have been out for quite sometime. I used to have a small circle of music friends but that quickly fell through when they let me know how they feel about trans people. I live in a small hick town outside of a large city. I play in a metal band with another trans-girl as my vocalist and it's been deemed really hard to make any connections in my local scene. Lately We've been looking for a replacement drummer and we've ran into situations like Interviewing a drummer that turned out to be a skin head. And when I mean skin head I mean posting "Skin head an proud" on Facebook, but at least had the nerve to show interest in my band. What I have a hard time with is connections. When you think you have someone that's cool it turns out to be something like that. We're just trying to make music and all we need a drummer. I had a friend who does audio engineering out in KC tell me something that kind of helped that I need to find "my people" and he didn't mean that by other trans people he meant by a group of people that are cool and want to make music with me. So really my question is, how do I find my people?

I am really sorry to hear you've had to go through all of this. I am a cis gendered male but I can somewhat relate in that I live in the Nashville area and I am an atheist and very liberal politically.

I graduated from Full Sail University (which I quite honestly regret and am currently going back to school for my 2nd bachelors and masters in my true passion which is composing for the orchestra). At Full Sail we were constantly encouraged to keep our political and religious opinions to ourselves for the sake of getting work in the industry. This would potentially work for me as I am a straight, white male but doesn't necessarily provide a viable option for other minorities who don't have passing privilege. I also think it's utter and total bullsh*t. I think it's a way to lord someone's job over their heads so that people don't have to confront things that are uncomfortable to them. We live in a culture that heavily favors commerce over individual fulfillment and enrichment and that needs to change.

What I can suggest about finding "your people" is by continuing what you seem to have already begun here on gearslutz. Write about and share your struggles as a trans-person in the industry. I think you'll find that people will not only reach out but that you'll raise awareness. I know that you have already raised my awareness. I know that trans people struggle every day, but my own bubble of "cool people" caused me to have the reaction of "wow, I never realized that...I thought musicians were generally cooler more open minded people." Even though I knew in the back of my mind that there are closed minded people everywhere, I and everyone else could do with a reminder so... thank you!

I have been out for quite sometime. I used to have a small circle of music friends but that quickly fell through when they let me know how they feel about trans people. I live in a small hick town outside of a large city. I play in a metal band with another trans-girl as my vocalist and it's been deemed really hard to make any connections in my local scene. Lately We've been looking for a replacement drummer and we've ran into situations like Interviewing a drummer that turned out to be a skin head. And when I mean skin head I mean posting "Skin head an proud" on Facebook, but at least had the nerve to show interest in my band. What I have a hard time with is connections. When you think you have someone that's cool it turns out to be something like that. We're just trying to make music and all we need a drummer. I had a friend who does audio engineering out in KC tell me something that kind of helped that I need to find "my people" and he didn't mean that by other trans people he meant by a group of people that are cool and want to make music with me. So really my question is, how do I find my people?

I don't think you being trans (or me not being trans) should come into the equation at all... Just find "people" to make music with... If they trip over that, f*** them. I guess I'd suggest looking up their social media before you meet with them, but, that's just a general safety thing.

As a big, corn fed white boy who only cared about "black" music for most of the time when I was coming up, I really got to love walking into some super duper black jazz or r&b/blues joint in a black neighborhood and playing/singing my butt off. The black folks would usually start with a raised eyebrow, but, in the end once I showed I dug the music and cared about playing well and that I wasn't tripping over what they looked like, all was great!

Make it all about the music and try not to inject your own preconceptions or hang ups upon folks until they come at you sideways. For instance, just because some dude is a white power idiot doesn't mean that he's also down on all LGTBQ folks. I mean, I wouldn't hang out or play music with an idiot like that, but, if he was cool and could play AND I couldn't find anyone else I might try to make the best out of it and see if I couldn't get his mind right... Especially in a tiny town

I don't think you being trans (or me not being trans) should come into the equation at all... Just find "people" to make music with... If they trip over that, f*** them. I guess I'd suggest looking up their social media before you meet with them, but, that's just a general safety thing.

As a big, corn fed white boy who only cared about "black" music for most of the time when I was coming up, I really got to love walking into some super duper black jazz or r&b/blues joint in a black neighborhood and playing/singing my butt off. The black folks would usually start with a raised eyebrow, but, in the end once I showed I dug the music and cared about playing well and that I wasn't tripping over what they looked like, all was great!

Make it all about the music and try not to inject your own preconceptions or hang ups upon folks until they come at you sideways. For instance, just because some dude is a white power idiot doesn't mean that he's also down on all LGTBQ folks. I mean, I wouldn't hang out or play music with an idiot like that, but, if he was cool and could play AND I couldn't find anyone else I might try to make the best out of it and see if I couldn't get his mind right... Especially in a tiny town

Now I have thought about that idea and the issue is my safety. I have been threatened, had guns pointed at me, too many times I would like to since coming out. I'm not risking it with these people. But the other issue with that is that I can't get a word out of them. For the most part I'm pretty normal, especially compared to some of the people in the metal scene. I miss our last drummer so god damn much. I came out to him and he came out to me as Bi. and then beat the hell out of those drums. Also I wouldn't want to be rolling with some bigots. My bands lyrics has often anti bigoted pov.

Now I have thought about that idea and the issue is my safety. I have been threatened, had guns pointed at me, too many times I would like to since coming out. I'm not risking it with these people. But the other issue with that is that I can't get a word out of them. For the most part I'm pretty normal, especially compared to some of the people in the metal scene. I miss our last drummer so god damn much. I came out to him and he came out to me as Bi. and then beat the hell out of those drums. Also I wouldn't want to be rolling with some bigots. My bands lyrics has often anti bigoted pov.

Put out an ad looking for guys... be upfront with your deal and that’s all ya can do... even in a big city it can be hard to find great band mates even when everybody is straight and are are looking for chicks...

I had a friend who does audio engineering out in KC tell me something that kind of helped that I need to find "my people" and he didn't mean that by other trans people he meant by a group of people that are cool and want to make music with me. So really my question is, how do I find my people?

Greetings, metalhippyqueen !!

i am also in kansas city (MO), but, im currently having problems of a different sort, other than being trans. The major problem is what i call The Trifecta; finances, transportation, and living/working space-area. Im lacking in all three, and its annoying as all heck. Fixing one, would cascade into the other two, thus solving all 3 problems.

im having real trouble even getting started in making music, such as being able to finish filling out the synth spread i have at present (because former room mate apparently liked to lift the power cables ?). Much to my great annoyance, i may yet have to (Dread and Woe !) be reduced to having to use the softsynths that i've downloaded as a Plan F.

as to your problem metalhippyqueen, well, i would agree with what was previously said; stick to it being about the music, and if anyone gets bent that you're a trans woman, then, time to move along.

Sometimes relocating is the best thing. My former band consisted of myself, an African American female vocalist (my wife at the time) and an African American male guitar player. Our music was very accessible and well made but because we were in Virginia we got alot of negativity aimed at us for purely racial reasons. The local scene went out of their way to mess with us, posting faked quotes of things we supposedly said, stealing our gigs, jeering us when we were on stage and somehow even managed to turn our guitarist against us feeding him lies etc.
It was disgusting.
But fans of the band were numerous and highly supportive in L.A., Germany and Mexico. I’m sure if we’d relocated to L.A. things would have improved for us a great deal. The culture is more accepting of biracial bands. That band might still be around today if we went somewhere more welcoming.