Month: November 2016

Note: My dear readers and followers. I’m deeply thankful for your interest in my life’s strange stories. But I’m unable to do good and follow you back or read your blogs because I’m going through very bad times. I hope you’ll bear with me. Thank you for understanding my lack of politeness.

Evil Abid asked me in and then about my arrival in such a condition, carrying just a plastic shopping bag with more pajamas & some underwear and tried to humiliate me, as I had feared.

As soon as I started telling him my story, he cut me off, advised me to learn to lead a simple life and asked me to go get a shower first and get fresh.

So he had complete knowledge of my story and my going to jail but he never said anything except for evil.

He judged me instead of comforting me. But when I fearlessly started telling him the terrifying parts of my ordeal in the jail, which would have had negative implications on his rule over his wife, he fell prey to his own evil, decided to shut up and never again opened that subject.

Besides, his very act of judgement exposed his wickedness.

His wife, Shehnaz, gave me Pakistani Shalwar-Kameez suit to wear and I went to take a shower.

After the shower and a royal breakfast, he told me he didn’t go to office that day because his daughter, Sarah, 4, had seen a vision about a paternal uncle coming to visit them from Saudi Arabia.

God had sent His angels ahead of me to prepare for my advent to Pakistan.

Abid said Sarah had never been so happy since August, 1997, when her younger sister, Asma was born.

After a week, he showed me a letter from the Pakistani Embassy in Rabat, Morocco, while his wife and children were sent to visit her family for a couple days.

It had a threatening tone sent to Abid’s permanent address, where I’m currently living, asking Abid to present an explanation of his failure to send money to his Moroccan wife and taking care of her.

This was the secret of Abid’s show of some politeness. Otherwise, he would have just insulted me and wouldn’t have let me stay in his house at all.

Let me give you a little more details so that you’ll understand why that letter was so important.

I’m going to take you into the past and we’ll come back to the future again.

My mom had a strange friend named Aunt Freeda. She was a good woman with the bad habit of asking for loans, which she never paid back.

My mom and Aunt Freeda agreed to marry Nayyar to Abid. Mom had been looking high and low but never found a girl for Abid. Abid was also relieved to finally find a family ready to give their dear daughter to an arrogant man like Abid.

In 1976, I had visited Pakistan with mom and 6 others of my siblings but Hamid wasn’t among them.

This greatly humiliated Abid because he’s proud of his masculinity in patriarchal Pakistan where the male suitor is greatly valued while the female feels miserable and frightened as a sheep being taken to the slaughter house.

The Pakistani society is rife with horrible stories of men beating their wives, throwing acid on their faces or even killing them.

My mom, on the other hand, was puzzled and failed to decide about Nayyar.

Abid then started leaving no chance of humiliating Hamid, turning his trip to Pakistan into a misery.

It’s a habit of Hamid to cut people’s roots so that the Yeerk slug in his head will rise above others.

Ever since their arrival back from Pakistan, there was continuous talk of Aunt Freeda and her tricky children.

One day, I had enough.

I told mom Aunt Freeda and her children were very wicked & evil and advised her to forget them FOREVER.

She liked my idea and we enjoyed some long-needed peace of mind.

Aunt Freeda wasn’t evil. Her husband and (male) children were.

Abid kept insulting Hamid and he ran to me.

At that time, our evil landlord needed money and he sold that house to a nice gentleman called Salman. We were a family of 12 living in a 2-room house.

For a small additional amount, Salman let us occupy the rest of the house, which had two more rooms. My father reserved one of them while I started using the second one, which had no AC and hence, was very hot & humid.

She asked me to wait a couple days while she consulted God and I agreed.

She said she had a dream of her paternal grandmother (who’s my maternal grandmother) carrying the moon in her laps and saying “Thank you for joining my two children”.

“Ah, now I understand. It’s not a house that God is promising me in Rawalpindi but a home. We’ll have a baby at last and our family will complete in Rawalpindi and it’ll be a beautiful baby”, I explained her dream.

She then agreed to move to Rawalpindi but she reminded me of last years’ hot summer of Rawalpindi when we had visited Rawalpindi for her older sister Safia’s matrimonial and I had suffered terribly because of the hot summer.

She, therefore, suggested moving there in October.

She failed to tell me the secret to fool me and I foolishly agreed.

But God is not a fool. He loves fools but He is not a fool. He loves fools because He doesn’t want us to commit mistakes and learn to rely on Him and follow Him blindly. Even as a newborn baby relies on his mother.

I applied in a job in Rawalpindi and in a master’s program in Air University’s Electronics Engineering.

I got admission in Air University’s program but their interviews were scheduled on August 24.

When I told my wife about the interview, she was disappointed but didn’t resist.

Once in Rawalpindi, the angel of God came to me and I saw the second vision about my Promised Job.

I saw my two brothers, Asim and Waris wiping a floor of a large hall while I was holding an aluminum ladder and cleaning it for Jesus Christ to descend from heavens and wondering why Jesus needed a ladder to descend from heavens.

Then I woke up.

He only told me its meaning recently.

By ladder, Jesus meant “women”. Women are a ladder to heaven on which angels of Lord come down and go up. On its top, stands Jesus Christ himself.

That’s why Jacob Israel also was promised a ladder to heaven; his soulmate, Rachel.

Mating with our soulmates makes us whole and the Holy Spirit then descends upon us and fills our heart with love.

Only love saves. Only love is good. Jesus baptizes us with love. All other baptisms fail to clean us.

We men do not need water to clean our sinful hearts that are void of love and are full of hatred.

Jesus however was baptized with water. He had a slightly sinful body and needed to be baptized to receive the Holy Spirit and start his ministry.

John the Baptist baptized thousands but only Jesus received the Holy Spirit and John’s ministry ended then & there. He then became the first disciple of Jesus.

But my Bible teacher, Edith Connel, has been trying to convince me of water baptism while I’m trying to teach her about the correct baptism and why baptism with water fails to clean men of their sins.

Women are all good but many have gathered some dust (followed men) and Jesus, my biological father, has been using me to cleanse women of love of strange flesh, to turn to Him and to only marry their soulmates.

That’s a job I definitely love.

Now as soon as I saw the first dream, I forgot it and started applying for jobs, thinking that by “job”, Jesus had meant an ordinary job, which one does to earn a living.

Hence, Jesus has made me a very attractive man so that all women will show lust in me and all men will try to marry their daughters or sisters to me.

But they all hide their desires for different reasons and Jesus uses their very tricks to catch them, frustrate their plans and teach them a good lesson.

Now one day in June, 2014, a guy named Jameel came to my office and he looked very worried.

I asked him about his worries and whether there was anything I could do for him.

“I need a trustworthy guy. Will you help a friend in distress?”

“Of course I will. I love to help and serve. It just needs to be something I can do,” I encouraged him.

“My sister’s husband has given his wife three divorces because he was mad at her but he’s now regretting it and wants her back. I need a HALALA. Will you serve as my sister’s Halala?”

Let me explain these cryptic stuff to my non-Muslim readers.

Koran let’s a man take back his divorced wife and cancel the divorce two times. The third time he divorces her, he can’t cancel that divorce nor take her back.

He can do that however if she marries another guy and that guy also divorces her.

It’s a wicked way of Jesus to propagate and maximize divorces but no one understands my Father’s wicked ways.

Jesus is not a good teacher. He’s a wicked teacher as He admits in Gospel when He admonishes Joseph for calling Him “good teacher” but no one understands.

The whole world believes that Satan is a rebellious angel and an enemy of God.

Wrong.

Were he a rebellious angel, he would have plans of his own.

But he got none.

He just tells each man his best interest.

It’s something like this.

God asked women to give birth to children and to nurture them.

Now a woman would give anything to become a mother and will sacrifice everything to care for her baby and even nurse it milk from her blood.

But when God asked men to earn a living for the woman so that she could produce children and nurture them in peace, men rebelled.

We refused to bow to women. We said “We’ll ask women and even force them to bow to us, to serve us and we shall rule over them.”

Women love and like to serve. They are angels created in the image of God. While we hate and like to rule. We are the devil created in the image of apes.

God saw that it was very good.

He doesn’t like half-hearted gifts nor such repentance.

He picked an angel and said “You’ll teach men every evil that I hate.”

He gave Satan all power & authority to do his job.

And Satan has been doing a perfect job since some 6000 years, teaching us, men, every evil and helping us fight & rebel till the end.

We know the heaven & earth were created by God.

What we fail to see is that if God has created this world, then surely it’s He who is running it.

Hence, when a thief steals, he thinks that he has profited.

Wrong.

God has forbidden covetness and theft. Therefore, theft is a trade in loss.

But since it’s impossible for us to understand the wisdom of God, we see them as a folly.

Read GOD’S UTILITY FUNCTION by Richard Dawkins to see how wisemen arrive at the conclusion that there is no God.

It’s excellent but… wrong, nevertheless.

So my evil brother were united against me. But they weren’t actually united. Each worked for his own selfish interest.

Hence, when I arrived to the Deportation Center in The Old Airport and was told about the Bengali sweeper who used to charge 10 Rials for making local calls for people about to be deported, I decided to tell Hamid so that he’d at least arrange some clothes and money for me.

I told the Sweeper I had no money on me but if he called my brother, he’d even give him 50 Rials, which was true of Hamid, who had a secret reason to make sure I wasn’t going to be deported to Pakistan at any cost.

But when that Bengali returned next day, he was very angry and won’t talk to me.

I waited silently until he finished with all the clients. Then I asked him politely about what had happened that made him so mad at me.

“I did call that number but your brother shouted at me, told me no man with that name lived there and asked me not to call that number again,” he said.

That was strange. I thought it must have been Zakir who got a childhood rivalry with Hamid.

Now let’s suppose that God was on my side and Satan was against me.

Then why he failed to tell Hamid about my imminent deportation?

Why didn’t he help Hamid answer that important call instead of getting it picked up by Waris?

He didn’t do any such things because he tells every man his best interest, maximizing chaos — and letting God take care of the rest.

Some time after my arrival to Pakistan, God told me it wasn’t Zakir but Waris who had answered that call.

Waris did that because he had greed in my $64,000. He was glad for my deportation. Zakir had no interest in my deportation. I was a good rival of Hamid and he likes me because of that.

Waris’s plans were good in the sight of God, so He let Waris’s plans succeed.

After my arrival to Pakistan, I had no face to show to my evil brother, Abid, who used to live at a walking distance from the airport and who enjoyed seeing others in distress, especially me.

I had my ATM card and had decided to disappear into some far, far Dadu district of Sindh but the damn ATM machine at the airport won’t recognize my card.

There used to be no international networks in Pakistan in 1998 and I was penniless.

I started thinking of any other way except for going to evil Abid.

God then sent a very cold wind and I got up, tied my Moroccan sleeping thobe (neck-to-ankle garment) so it looked like a Pakistani Kameez, which only extends to the knees.

Underneath, I was wearing white pajamas so now I looked more or less like an ordinary Pakistani.

Now I could walk my way to Abid’s.

I thought since it was a workday, evil Abid won’t be home and it’s easy to fool women.

But when I rang the bell, I was terrified to see evil Abid at the door.

“The lyrics are not very eligible and I don’t know how to sing anyway.” I finally decided to give up and apologize.

She giggled and said “These are the names of recent popular songs of Bollywood movies that my children like.

“I’d like you to download them and put a copy on my flesh disk”.

She then read me the names of those songs. Some of them were romantic but some were very explicit. Even their names were dirty like “Gandi Baat” (Sex Stuff).

She had so successfully fooled me that even my boss’s partner, Asad, also had no doubts about her implicit interest in sex & adultery.

She said she’ll be back in an hour and as soon as she left, Asad recommended charging her Rs20 per song. I said “We can’t do that because for Rs50, one can get disk load of all popular songs within minutes from shops specializing in such stuff and he agreed.

She came after about an hour with her children, took a copy of all the songs for Rs40 and went away.

A couple days later, she came alone and was about to enter my office when she noticed my scary-looking boss, Mr. Mansoori, and went away.

I wondered what made her run away.

That night, I felt tired and decided to take a bus home. The bus driver had a very romantic song that said “There’s none like you in this world”.

The singing girl strangely kept repeating those words and I felt as if she was telling me something. I waited for that stuck player to move on but it won’t.

Finally, I gave up and said “OK, God, I get it. I’m special” and the song then moved on with the rest of the lyrics!

I thought I must be suffering delusions because no one else seemed to have noticed anything weird.

I asked a friend to give me a copy of that song and when I heard the song, it had no repetitions. I asked my friend to find that songs’s remix version in which those lyrics are repeated.

He found only one remix and it, too, had no repetition of those words!

Then I believed.

God had made me very attractive & irresistible to women for some reason.

That lovely woman had interest in me and she wanted me to hear the lyrics, “Enough civilized talk. Now I’m going to do sexy stuff with you”.

She learned her lesson and never again thought of sex with strangers.

Now Let me explain my Father a little.

In early 2004, I was visited by the angel of God and I was shown a vision.

I heard a voice telling me “If you complete 10 years of joblessness, I’ll give you a great job.” I then was shown a beautiful street of Casablanca.

Then I woke up.

I told my wife I intended to move to Rawalpindi because a great job was waiting for me there.

She was reluctant. She hated living in rental houses where the landlords give troubles to extort additional money.

But I said God had promised me a job, a house and a car.

She said she didn’t want to leave that beautifully-decorated apartment of mine.

She lied to deceive me.

She then started having electric shocks while having a shower or doing laundry.

It was a weird experience because I, too, used to take daily showers and help her in laundry but never experienced electric shocks.

I conjectured some idiot must have wired the ground wire to the water pipes and advised her to fill the bucket, close the tap and then bath from the bucket’s water.

She still suffered a shock!

I also advised her to remove the plug before putting her hand in that damn washing machine.

But she still suffered shocks!

Then one beautiful day, I showed her a Hollywood horror movie named INFESTED.

She then felt sleepy and had a nap.

After a while, I heard her scream and rushed to her. She had a nightmare of flies infesting her body!

I comforted her and promised not to again show her those damn, good-for-nothing horror movies.

We then started having a German cockroach infestation problem that started from our kitchen but slowly kept spreading everywhere.

I went to the market and bought best roach-killing liquids, added them together and sprayed. All roaches were exterminated.

Problem solved.

My wife once again lied down to enjoy a siesta. Again, she screamed and I rushed to save her.

She just had seen another wicked dream in which she saw a scary, ugly roach telling her “This apartment belongs to us, not to you”!

Then the roaches started spreading back.

My wife is definitely not a superstitious, is she?

But I am.

Soon after completing my MCS (Master of Computer Science) studies in June, 2004, I put it to her in black & white.

“I’m moving to Rawalpindi with or without you. You can continue living in this beautiful apartment or come with me. That choice is yours.”

My parents had arrived Saudi Arabia through that airport some 33 years ago. I was not with them.

I was not yet born.

My father was a member of Jamaat-e-Islami, a religio-political party. They used to visit him every month for membership fees.

Once, they talked him into buying their ticket.

Some unknown men from a rival faction then kidnapped him.

He was released after the end of the polling. My father had won only five votes but he thought it was fun.

But my mom was freaked out.

Ever since, she hated JeI and used to call them EVIL.

At that time, the government launched a housing scheme some 20km (12.5 miles) away in the far suburbs of Karachi, a very, very long way away in those days.

They bought a house there.

She felt safe there.

Now she could raise her children in peace.

I’m currently residing in that very house. It’s more like ruins and I’ve not eaten anything since five days. God Almighty has shut all doors on my face and I expect to die in a week at most because I’m about to run out of drinkable water, too.

God showed me a dozen dreams about my advent to this house and my ULTIMATE victory starting from that house also.

He has been showing me these dreams since time immemorial.

The JeI found my father and followed him to that far, far place.

On one beautiful day, they stood in front of the house and raised their voice as much they could.

They recited a verse of Koran that told men that their families and children were a burden but God could provide them with relief and great reward.

Koran is replete with such Satanic verses. Hence, it asks us to seek God’s refuge from Satan every time we read it but no one understands.

My mom lost her cool.

She went out and shouted at them “Why don’t you take away food from your children and feed it to the dogs?”

They ran away and never again dared to show up in that neighborhood.

Now my mom felt safe again…

But they found my father’s working place in downtown and he started feeding the dogs again from his meagre pay.

My mom then went back to downtown to meet her father and complained about those persistent parasites and her evil, selfish husband.

Her father found a job for my father with Kuwait Airlines and my father went to far, far Kuwait.

They couldn’t follow him there.

But my father soon realized foreigners weren’t allowed to bring their families to evil Kuwait.

He found a job with Saudi Airlines and moved to Jeddah, instead.

This greatly pleased mom. She was going to be safe near Mecca, where they have God locked in Ka’ba.

But soon, my father started sending money to JeI through wire transfers.

The JeI were so excited with donations in Rials, they asked my father to make additional members there to win a ticket to heaven.

He started proseletyzing activities, which are prohibited in Saudi Arabia.

He was fired from his job after some two years and became jobless while my mom was with a child.

That child was me.

At my second advent into this world on THE SIXTH DAY, my father had been jobless and we were living in poverty.

Mom used to visit Mecca every weekend, asking God to save them from starving to death as God Almighty had shut all doors on my father.

One beautiful day in the shrine of Mecca, an evil Saudi made a generous offer to buy me.

My mom didn’t understand much Arabic but she still realized what was going on.

She started shouting at that Saudi devil and he ran away before people handed him over to the police.

My mom then agreed to move to Dammam, some 1200 km (800 miles) away from Mecca, where my father had found a job offer with a petroleum company.

She left the holy shrine of Ka’ba to save me and her other children from their evil father.

Standing in chains in that same old airport on January 19, 1998, I wondered whether my late mom had any idea I would be sent back to Pakistan to fight evil and terminate it.

She had once shown me an old black & white photo of her whole family, which a boy had taken as soon they had disembarked from the airplane at their arrival to Saudi Arabia.

She was holding Hamid to her chest. That memorable photo was taken on a beautiful day of summer, 1965.

Back to future.

After some paperwork, we were taken in chains to the new airport, some 50km (31 miles) away.

They unlocked our chains just before we were allowed to embark the plane to Karachi, Pakistan.

Besides God and His angels, sometimes, the evil men also tell truths. My evil boss, Mujahid Mansoori had also told me the truth about my handsome looks and his expectations of women starting to come into his office because of me.

I laughed it off as a friendly complement.

I was wrong.

Before the Eid, a woman came with her friend to get a resume printed.

She told me she didn’t want her husband’s number on the resume and gave me her father’s address and phone number instead.

She told me she was also looking for a small & affordable house for rent.

I made her a resume, jotted down her rent request and she went away.

But she came back a couple days later.

She asked me how much I was going to charge her to teach her about computers. I asked for Rs500 for basic know-how.

She asked me for a discount and I said “What about Rs200?”

“You’re an angel,” she said.

I fool continuously failed to understand her because if you play tricks on me, I won’t understand you and that’ll frustrate you.

She asked me if she could take the classes in the mornings, when there are not many customers to attend to and I said “Aye”.

When they came in the morning, she asked me to pull the curtains and I pulled them closed.

I started telling them about Blaise Pascal and his adding machine, circa 1642.

Her friend interrupted me and asked me if she could use the computer and I let her use my computer.

She then quickly created a Facebook page for her friend and filled it with her data and some shares.

“Hey, you know computers better than me!” I exclaimed and they started giggling.

The next day also was not anymore fruitful. Her friend played with Internet, found a pic of Mahnoor Baloch, a hot Pakistani celebrity and asked me if her friend looked like her.

“They look like sisters” I agreed and they started giggling again.

Then came Eid holidays and the office was closed for four days.

On the second day of Eid, the angel of God visited me and I saw a vision.

I saw myself lying on a street. A he-horse and a she-horse were also lying on their sides on that street.

Then the she-horse crawled closer to the he-horse, lip-kissed him and went to sleep.

Then I woke up.

I texted that hot, beautiful client, telling her how beautiful she was.

Her reply came after a while, thanking me.

I told her she was as hot as Mahnoor Baloch, the hottest Pakistani celebrity.

She replied with a smiley.

Now we were talking.

I then talked business, “Although you belong to a decent family, you do not mind schmoozing, do you?”

It took her 7 hours to decipher my strange question. At last, she realized I had chastised her for her desire to kiss my lips and have a quicky.

She was first glad at my understanding of her desire — albeit being a little late.

A wicked inmate had a book named al-Faraj (The Salvation). It told a story of a vizier in a royal court who was thrown in the prison on false charges.

His friend was afraid to help that innocent vizier so he opened Koran and landed on a verse that gave him the good news of his efforts’ fruitful results.

He was encouraged and fought with confidence in defense of that luck-struck vizier and his efforts indeed bore fruit and both friends benefited from those efforts.

Let me first tell you that Muslims do not understand the meaning of Salvation. They usually take it as “relief” and that book was no different. It tried to give hope to innocent prisoners, that’s all.

But that vizier’s story gave me an idea. Instead of the long way of asking God questions taught to us in schools, one could use Koran to ask God questions!

That was awesome.

I first asked God about myself. “It must be sinful for a criminal like me to ask God questions. God must be terribly angry with me,” I thought.

So I first asked God to judge me.

The verse I landed upon said “Those who are trustworthy and who keep their words.”

God had not judged me!

I was surprised. I expected some thunderous promises of eternal torment.

Now that God had talked contrary to my good brothers who had assured me my ordeal was a divine punishment of my fornication plans, I then decided to ask God THE real question.

We men do not love God. We love women.

So this was my real interest: I asked God why He had taken Monia from me.

The verse said God doesn’t take anything from the faithful except to give them something better.

I took that to mean that God was promising me a great girl and I called her Wada (Promise) because she was my Promised Girl.

I then asked God about my deportation prospects because the inmates told me foreign prisoners were also deported back to their countries of origin unless their Saudi sponsor provided them with a special arrangement.

The verse told me my evil boss was not going to help me.

I used to fear Pakistan because it’s a poor country full of cunning people. I was going to die of hunger.

The next day was a Tuesday, when the inmates were released into a sunlit yard.

I decided to grab that chance and use the bedsheets to hang myself from the fan as one inmate had also done some time before my arrival.

That night, the angel of God visited me and I saw a vision.

I saw the silhouette of Jesus Christ sitting in the lotus position like Buddha and there was the halo of holiness behind His head, descending from heavens.

As He touched the ground, a thunderous voice said “Jesus Christ was a great messenger of God”.

I woke up with a scream because the voice of God had freaked me out.

I don’t like scary dreams.

I looked around but thankfully, no one had awoke because of my shout. I then looked at the clock. It was 6am sharp.

A voice said in my heart “Remember that you were born on the 6th”. I thought it meant I was born for this purpose because it was also January 6th, 1998.

After a while, it added “You have been saved through Camp al-Ruwais”. I thought He meant from my wicked brothers.

After another while He said “Jesus Christ was actually crucified and died on that Good Friday”. The schools taught us He had run to the heavens and Judas Iscariot was crucified in His stead.

I felt sorry for Jesus and decided to postpone my suicide plans because the sad news of Jesus’ Crucifixion had paradoxically encouraged me and made me feel good.

The Voice came to me again on next Friday and said “God wants something from you. Look in the Koran.”

I went to the prayer place and picked a Koran and looked. The verse said “And put your hand in your side, it will come out white without leprosy — another sign. Go to Pharaoh as he had crossed his limits.”

I thought it meant God wanted me to fight the Wahabis and the terrorists.

In 1996, I was driving my car, going back home from work when I was told about a truck full of explosives, headed into Riyadh.

I immediately jumped on the truck and forced it outside the city.

After one exact week of that “fantasy”, I heard the news of al-Khobar attack by al-Qaeda in which 19 American servicemen were killed.

The news caster said the truck had failed to reach its planned destination, thereby, saving hundreds of lives.

That was weird.

My fantasy had come true!

Instead of 4 months, I was released after 36 days and one serving of 70 lashes due to onset of Eid.