Tag Archives: confidence

Sometimes the protective coat of armor doesn’t cover the fear created within the mind. I think when you’re young, you are most susceptible and vulnerable to the outside influence and/or opinion of others. So much so that the slightest comment can feel like a horrible criticism directed at you to make you feel inadequate. I know because I’ve felt that and maybe those that have made the comment may not have realized the magnitude in which they’ve affected me and maybe those that have made the comment meant nothing negative but I just took it that way. I think that only time, maturity, personal growth and the always “under construction” parts of your “self” as in esteem, worth and confidence is the key to finally breaking away and feeling vulnerable without fear.

Growing into the reserves of strength I know we all have is a difficult road and maintaining confidence through your steps and missteps is a challenge in itself. However you choose to help yourself along through the emotional conflict you’re likely to experience I think that as long as you continue to try to be better than you were the day before then you are progressing, even if it doesn’t feel like it. I don’t think any of us realize how much inner strength there is to tap into and how much adversity we actually have the ability to withstand. Until you are really tested, you just don’t know.

Recognizing how far you’ve come from where you were is something you can look back at after some time to mark in your mind and heart of your progress. Any progress in a positive direction is something to be acknowledged and celebrated because you could have gone in a negative direction and that would have benefited no one.

Everyone wants to be seen and heard and not for any kind of ego boost but because it is a big part of connecting with others, the part that lets you know you matter and the part that lets you know they care. It doesn’t take a large amount of energy to be compassionate or kind towards others and it will cost you nothing.

So how do you get to the point of saying “I don’t care what you think”? It’s not really as derogatory as it sounds more like I’ve grown into myself enough to know that what others think of me doesn’t define me, doesn’t make me more or less of a person and isn’t going to change who I am. It’s not a challenging attitude but rather a more “self” reflected and strengthened version, humbled and content enough to quiet the thoughts of doubt.

I think too often the focus is worrying about how others will perceive and whether or not they will like you, the bigger question is, “do you like yourself”? If your answer is yes, there is nothing left for you to worry about, you are enough and those that matter will recognize that. If your answer is no, then I believe self-reflection is the beginning, at some point in your life you had to have liked yourself, find your way back there and re-build from that point.

Vulnerability lies in many corners of the heart and mind and at a moment’s notice it can change your nice quiet, calm and contented self into a scared little child. Of course there are variations of that fear and I think many of us don’t get as far as the scared little child but you get the idea. Fear and vulnerability or fear of vulnerability, however you want to link the two, they are usually connected in some way.

I think both of these definitions are valid reasons for not wanting to leave yourself open to fear or vulnerability but while you may be protecting yourself from others and the possibility of something negative. You are also protecting yourself from others and the possibility of something positive.

While you may feel protected and comfortable within the walls you build to protect your heart you are also keeping everything else out. The most magical things happen outside your comfort zone!

Faith and reason sometimes aren’t enough to pull you out of the cage in your mind you’ve trapped yourself in from an emotional hurt even if you have the intellect of knowing better. The worst thing you can do for yourself is to bottle it up and not let it go. No matter how much you try to stuff it down, it’s going to continue to bubble back up to the surface until you dare to feel, process and let it go. Finding the root, the point of impact that has stunted your own progress and growth in life is the only way to truly find your peace.

Sometimes it’s easier to replace your hurt with anger because then you don’t have to feel the pain even though you probably still are. Unfortunately that won’t diminish it or make it go away, it will continue to grow until you find the courage to face it head on. When another person, whether it is friend, family or stranger causes you to feel bad about yourself it injures your confidence, self-esteem and self-worth. Your personal connection to that person will be dependent upon how deeply it will affect you.

Friends aren’t your blood relatives but can feel just as close, sometimes closer and I don’t think it matters how much you value their opinion but rather how much of your heart, trust and loyalty you’ve placed in their hands.

Family are your past, your present and your future, how much you evolve and blossom is dependent upon the love and support they offer. I’ve been lucky enough to have such strong love and support from family, even during the times when I was not receptive to it, you know like when you’re a teenager and think you know it all?

When your confidence, self-esteem or self-worth gets injured it changes you, it changes how you present yourself, how you connect and relate with others and how others perceive you. What I believe is the worst part is that the change in you as a result of the emotional injury prevents others from getting to know you authentically because you end up withdrawing, building walls and distancing yourself as a way of blocking such an injury again. New people in your life that could potentially become friends notice and feel that something is off which pops up as “red flags”, that something just isn’t right and depending on how interested or invested they are, they may just walk away. Who loses here? I would say both, chances are you aren’t happy if you’re not being your authentic self and that person doesn’t get to know the “real you”.

Unfortunately an emotional hurt can run deep and when not dealt with you may start projecting negativity towards others as a way of offsetting the hurt, which turns everyone away and if you hang onto it for too long it will start to manifest as more serious warnings in your health. Negativity is like a virus and at first it will be symptoms that doctors can’t find answers to because the only prescription for health is within you, you must face and embrace the pain.

I believe we are all seeking the same in life; love, acceptance, connection and compassionate familiarity. I base how I treat others on how I want to be treated and while everyone may not behave or react in that same way, it’s not a reflection of how they feel about me but rather how they feel about themselves. While that may not make things easier to take I think with time it makes things easier to understand.

Being present to the feelings of others enhances and strengthens your connection with them, it allows them to feel safe to be authentic and vulnerable. When you embark upon this kind of connection with someone, know that you’re in the presence of a kindred spirit.

I know that everything in life happens for some subliminal reason and we can’t always have the foresight to venture ahead to understand it or the gratitude for the wisdom gained from the experience but I have learned to recognize when opportunity arises.

Opportunities are actually abundant for everyone but I think many of us don’t see them because they haven’t appeared as grandiose as built them up in our minds. Even the smallest of opportunity is still an opportunity and when you take advantage of the small ones what follows suit is the big ones too because opportunity knows no boundaries and once you open that door you start to realize, recognize and become aware of how many there are around you. It’s not a matter of you changing, it’s just a matter of adjusting your vision, similar to wearing 3D glasses where the objects pop out at you, you will be able to see your opportunities in a heightened state of awareness that makes them stand out before you.

I Am Worth Loving

Knowing your worth and learning not to de-value yourself based on an opinion that isn’t your own is an inner dialogue you need to develop. Everyone has an opinion but if they haven’t walked in your shoes for any length of time then there is absolutely no foundation for that opinion to stand on. I’ve found that people with strong opinions usually aren’t very happy, I believe that is because they are so busy looking into someone else’s life that they aren’t living their own and by doing so they are depriving themselves of finding happiness and enjoying their life the way they were meant to. We are all worth loving, we are all worth finding happiness and we are all worth enjoying our lives, no matter what!

I Forgive Myself

Forgiveness is a major part of your own evolvement, without it you are literally held within a trap of your own making that keeps you in a state of sadness, hurt, discontent, anger, and so many more. Forgiveness is essential for moving past an experience that has caused negative disruption, disruption that has been awful that it has halted you in your tracks and kept you unable to look ahead. On one of my previous posts (Evolving Means Change) I put in a quote from Oprah Winfrey about forgiveness that I believe are words to live by as well as words to inspire you to forgive so you can enjoy your best life.

I Am in the Process of Positive Change

I’ve always lived within the positive mindset, outlook and attitude and I believe that maintaining and feeding those states of mind have made what has become a process not feel like one. It has become effortless so much so that I don’t have to work very hard at staying positive. Of course everyone has an off day, I do too, like you got up on the wrong side of the bed and everything bugs you but I don’t think that has as much to do with my positive outlook as it does with just being burnt out. My positivity never waivers, I have high hopes and aspirations for all areas of my life and I know that when the time is right all things fall into place. The Divine knows all, I’ve had my moment of doubting it when something didn’t happen when I expected but I found that when it happened later when I didn’t, it was better timing. The Universe just knows and part of positivity is having faith in that but I am always trying to create a better way and a better process for positive change. That’s the whole point of positivity, it inspires you continually improve, not because you need it but because you love it.

I Open New Doors to Life

I am continually looking for new doors to open and as much as I get scared at first, that’s my personal indication that I’m opening the right one. I think you have to scare yourself sometimes, really challenge yourself, push yourself forward even if you’re terrified because pushing past that fear enhances your own personal courage, builds self-confidence and sometimes it opens up an opportunity, one you might not have otherwise discovered. The more new doors you open the more your personal power grows because with each step into new territory you blaze trails for yourself and for others. Imagine how much inspiration one person can provide to another just by leading the way and vice versa, you may follow another’s path because they’ve inspired you to do so. Inspiration comes from a place of purity, a place of universal love and cannot be touched or tainted by negativity. Open as many new doors as you can find and I can assure you, your path will be found!

The Past is Over

There is a reason why it is called the past, and that is because you can’t go back and change it regardless of whether or not you think you will find some sort relief from the negativity that has transpired forth as a result of the experience. Chances are even if you were able to go back and hit the delete button to undo what was done, sure it may have changed where you are now but you would also lose the greater gifts that came with it. Don’t disparage the gifts, what you learn from lessons can help you in more experiences to come than you realize. I’ve learned how to adapt and handle situations that in my teen years wouldn’t have even entered my mind. I’ve learned how to trust (especially in the universe) that all things happen when they are meant to and there’s no point in me trying to rush the universe if it decides it’s going to move at a glacial pace, at least that’s how I view it when I get impatient, trust me my patience is still a work in progress. Without these lessons that are all from my past, I may not be as mindfully developed, and the mindful development is a work in progress as well and that is because if I don’t keep challenging myself, what am I doing then?

Keep the past where it belongs, allow yourself the presence and peace of mind to enjoy the present and even though your future is not yet written, look forward to living it, I know I do!

I liked this movie “Shallow Hal” because it’s actually a really good portrayal of how skewed a lot of us are when we look in the mirror at ourselves and how we sometimes view others.

There is so much more to see in yourself and others than just the surface of those you don’t know. Have you ever noticed when you develop a relationship with someone (friends or love) that you begin to see beauty emanate from within them, and if it’s a solid and equal relationship than that is also what the other person sees in you. If we could only see ourselves through the eyes of someone who views us that way we would probably be able to develop a much healthier relationship with our own personal image and truth.

I believe it all starts with being comfortable and embracing “the real you”, I mean why would you try to be anyone else when you can be yourself? No one can be you better than you can, and when you’re being genuine chances are you’ll have more people interested to be in your company than you would being someone you’re not.

It really does begin with you and how you are viewing yourself and if you are you confident with “the real you” then nothing else can disturb that. Of course, we are the harshest critics of ourselves, but if you can alter that and try to see yourself as those who love you see you than you will develop a strength of character that you had never realized was there.

One of the things I believe very strongly is that our minds are more powerful than we have even tapped. I’ve heard it said that we only use 10% of our minds, 10%! That’s crazy! I’ve also heard that be discounted but regardless of whether the statement is true or not, it’s something worth considering.

So if you entertain that thought for a moment and consider what some of the greatest minds have accomplished, and if they are actually using only 10% of their brain then imagine if you bump that up to even 50 or 60% how much you could change in your world and way of thinking. In books like “The Secret”, and movie/documentary of “What the Bleep do we Know?”, these kinds of thoughts and ideas are welcomed, embraced and explored. If the concept is there I want to explore it, and if I find it to work (which I have) then it’s entirely worth it.

Have you ever wanted something to change so badly that you willed it to change? That’s your mind working at whatever percentage is needed to accomplish what you’ve envisioned. It’s what you feed that grows, make it positive!

Everything we have around us (things, items) all began with a thought, an idea, and then became real. Probably even some of the craziest thoughts or ideas that materialized were discounted from the beginning but because of the belief and persistence of the person that envisioned it, it became real. I believe that no matter what you envision you can create it, your mind is powerful enough to make it happen.

Believe in the strength and power of your mind and your visions and your reality will become what you see. When you are confident, comfortable and accepting with “the real you”, you allow yourself endless possibilities to create the world you desire.

It’s a flow of positive energy that can’t be stopped, it’s an energy that is in alignment with the Law of Attraction and that all things you think about and believe will become that world around you.

I was given a fabulous concept from a very good friend of mine for a great topic this week! The concept is creating an analogy between our life journeys and a favorite dessert and all the ingredients and layers create our own recipe for personal success, whatever that may be.

Much like the ingredients in any dessert, depending on which one you choose, there are usually layers and levels of design. I’ve chosen Banana Cream Pie because it would contain a good level of ingredients to create this analogy.

Banana Cream Pie:

3 cups of Love

2 cups of Integrity

2 cups of Pride

1 cup of Self-Respect

1 cup of Respect for others

1 cup of Positive Attitude

½ cup of Compassion

½ cup of Empathy

3 tablespoons of Confidence

3 tablespoons of Determination

3 tablespoons of Courage

A dash of Assertiveness

12 ounces of water for personal wellness

Frosting: The Law of Attraction

1 cup of Intention

1 cup of Faith

1 cup of Appreciation

1 cup of Gratitude

Directions:

Mix all ingredients together until they are well blended and you are feeling content. I was going to add an ingredient to enhance humility but I believe that the emotion of remaining humble would be experienced as a result of living life through Banana Cream Pie.

Serve it to anyone and everyone you so desire and utilize the ingredients to your fullest potential.

I realize that the amounts of all the ingredients I have contained in this recipe are quite excessive but it is a global pie meant to feed the souls of as many as possible. The frosting is also excessive but it is the Law of Attraction, and that’s exactly where you want to get really excessive in your vision and life. You will attract exactly what you think and believe!

We’re all just looking to be heard, to be validated, to know that we matter.

Feeling alone in a world full of people seems almost ridiculous when thinking about it, but if you don’t feel like you are being heard or connecting with others than feeling alone and out of place is a likely emotion.

In reference to some of my previous blogs, this is also relatable to “The Voice of Reason”. So many children of all ages are making decisions ( good or bad ) based on their feelings of self-worth. I don’t believe that this is isolated to one age group but affects us all individually at one time or another and when making decisions from a place of low self-worth, low self-esteem and low confidence then those decisions tend to be bad ones or at least ones you wish you hadn’t made.

I only use our children as an example because who we become as adults has formulated from early childhood and has been enhanced by the environment with which we were raised. There are many people I’ve come across that display a lack of self-worth and confidence.

NO ONEshould have to feel that way.

It takes only a few moments of your time to sit back and give your full attention to someone and that shouldn’t be too much to ask, it should be an ingrained behaviour.

If something matters enough for someone to try to reach out, than it matters, and it should matter to you. If they are reaching out to you, you should feel honored that they’ve chosen you to listen and honor them by giving your undivided attention.

This topic reminds me of a story I read in one of those “pass it on, feel good” emails. I’ve condensed it to fit here but this is the jist of it. The story was of a teen that felt so unheard, unvalidated and unseen, as he was on his way home from school some of the other kids at his school decided to bother him and knock all of his books out of his hands.

One boy, that also went to his school, saw this and came over to help him pick up his books, befriended him and the two eventually became great friends. It caused this boy’s life to take quite a different turn then he had been living.

Upon graduation this boy, who had become Valedictorian, gave his speech and told the story of his best friend and how this best friend literally changed the course of his life, for the day that those other boys dumped his books all over was the day he had intended to take his own life. This best friend of his offered him friendship at a time when he was feeling his lowest.

It only takes one moment to let someone know they matter, please always take that moment.

Everyone deserves to be heard, to be validated, to know that they matter!