LONG BLOG

Normally, I find it difficult to put fingers to keys for any extended period of time but I feel so strongly about this that I'm gonna blog about it. So strongly, in fact, that I'm even using blog as a verb. I realize that's common usage now, but not for me so don't even start.

Many potential waifus come across our screens every year, blessing our softwarez with their ethereal presence. I say "ethereal" because, well, they are heavenly, and they aren't real. They cannot be interacted with in our eternally-disappointing physical realm, but I say let it not dishearten thee. Be strong. Let your affection for your waifus shine, and it's energy penetrate (?!) dimensional barriers. True love transcends all! Except restraining orders, ethics, geography, time, and a few other things.

Anyway, behold the Waifus of the Year 2013.

Olivia from Fire Emblem: Awakening for the 3DS.

Oh baby that's what I like

The moment I met Olivia, I knew she was for me. I was also informed by my 3D waifu (who had played Fire Emblem: Awakening many months before me and already knew the characters) that Olivia was one of the only acceptable relationship choices in the game if I wanted to stay recognizable as a man. Threats of real physical and emotional harm aside, Olivia's demure, gentle manner and outrageous pink hair captured my attention immediately. Even though competition for my courtship was extremely ferocious at the time, Olivia gracefully brushed aside all opposition and danced into the warming fire of my heart. After a thorough romancing she bore me two magnificent children, Inigo and Morgan, and many a feel was felt. Olivia, although I have put a halt to my Fire Emblem: Awakening playing after nearly 200 hours, and I know not when I shall return for I currently drown in a sea of exciting games, know that you are my waifu-est of waifus. Waifu-est? Does that work? I don't know Japanese.

"I dance like a ham someone rolled down the stairs!"

If only a woman could make me laugh as hard IRL as you do, my dear.

The Amazon from Dragon's Crown

Not only is Dragon's Crown the best game of 2013, and one of the best beat-em-ups of all time, it comes stuffed to the gills with prime waifus for you to have and hold. However as it goes with waifus, there can be only one.

...

Per game.

The Sorceress and Elf both deservedly have their fanbases. My 3D waifu likes to play as the Sorceress because she feels "prettier." Okay, I get that. I was firmly entrenched in the Sorceress camp myself at the start of things. I was intrigued yet still repulsed by the Amazon, her muscular and horrifically distended body stretching downward from a tiny head as if she was shaped more like a pyramid than a human being. (Some of her over-muscled artwork still freaks me out, mutating her features in a way that displeases me and her forced, masculine voice is almost too much at times.) But then I saw this:

My opinion completely changed. Her appearance softer and more feminine, her expression one of curiosity or introspection instead of just stoic fighting spirit. I felt as if I was suddenly seeing a more interesting woman. A potential waifu, if you will. Everything became clear. How could I NOT be drawn to her aggressive curves, luxurious curls of hair, and vicious, downright intimate fighting methodology? I had to make her mine. I understand if you don't like her. We can't all have the same waifu. I play the Fighter and Wizard religiously, but the Amazon is the Dragon's Crown character that plays me.

Rachael Foley from Resident Evil: Revelations HD (maybe spoilers)

RACHAEL, oh Rachael. Unique, sexy, strong yet vulnerable, PLAYABLE... all the things I look for in a waifu. When I heard you were going to be all up in my face in RE: Revelations HD I was washed over in elation. Unafraid of the body-shaming those monsters would invariably inflict, you opened up your wetsuit and exposed your heart to us all, and in turn I handed you mine. Your cheery Sailor Scout personality is just what Resident Evil needed. Many a sinister creature was slain beneath our Hydra and magnum revolvers, not to mention kicked right in the face in a splendor of martial talent and sweet, sweet fanservice.

"Rachael, on the scene! ^u^" In one line, you showed more emotion than Helena Harper did in the entirety of Resident Evil 6. My Resident Evil: Revelations HD stats page speaks for itself:

Our time spent together in Raid mode was bittersweet; the fear of losing you made our successes better. I did my best to keep you safe, although it was not enough. I wasn't able to stop you from dying as a plot device in Revelations HD but just because you died on the Queen Zenobia doesn't mean we can't still spend quality time together.

Oh, uh, yes honey, I'll get you the hairbrush right away. Please be careful with your claws on the couch. No, no I'm not really in the mood... maybe another time...?

Thank you for reading my semi-ironic-but-not-really-but-sort-of-really Waifus of the Year: 2013 Edition. I hope you all enjoy 2014 and it's promise of many waifus to come.