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Topic : 06/22 Nasty Breakups

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Created on : Friday, December 02, 2005, 03:43:10 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 12/05/05) Breaking up is hard to do -- and it's even worse when it destroys the entire family. When Pat announced he was seeking an annulment after 31 years of marriage, his three daughters felt betrayed. Jennifer and Kellie are doing their best to accept what's happened and repair the relationship with their father and his new wife, but their sister, Mynde, says her father is "dead" to her. Can this fractured family find a way to come back together? Plus, Mary Anne lost count of how many lies her husband, Lyle, told her, and after nine years of marriage, she kicked him out. Now Lyle says he's a changed man. Can he be believed and should she take him back? Share your thoughts.

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nasty breakups

Since I don't know the details of this breakup, I will withhold comment except to say I wish people would try harder to repair damaged marriages instead of selfishly ending them without trying all avenues. I was told when I married that at 16, you have made your bed. Now lie in it and I have for 53 years without regret. There were times it would have been easier to just say good-bye and leave but we knew we saw something in each other and neither of us strayed outside marriage when things got tough. In fact, I can't remember when things weren't tough but we muddled through and our family was intact and we have earned the happiness we have found. I would encourage the daughters to go forward. It never helps to hold a grudge. Seek help in understanding the why in this case.
Aunita Padgett Orlando Florida

Annulment?? after 31 years

I know that I need to wait until I see the show but sure have some questions. After 3 children, how does one get an annulment unless one of the other was not legally divorced from a previous spouse or whatever...Anxious to see this show.....&nbsp

What's going on??

I have been married for almost 4 years. Shows like this scare me because the thought of ending a marriage after so long...or finding out years later that your husband/ or wife was never honest is just heartbreaking. I do believe that people should be divorced rather than spending their lives unhappy. I know a few couples who have split and they are under 30 years old... Or are we just trying to hard? I really don't know. I am lucky that my parents are still happily married after 32 years (I know it was not always easy for them) and I know that a happy ending is possible. Should I be worried that my marriage will some day end like a nasty train wreck?? Does anyone have any ideas? &nbsp

Deal Breakers ~

I'm looking forward to today's show. I myself am going through a breakup with my husband of only 3.5 years. I have tried to hang in there after he financially ruined us, continues to make bad money management choices, his drinking problems, family issues with mine/and his kids, and worst of all and most recently subjected me to Hep B which he knew that he tested positive for and never told me. When do you say to yourself ~ that's enough and not feel the guilt? Most of the time I feel like packing up my stuff, moving my 9 year old, and finding us a new beginning. I also feel am I doing the right thing staying with someone that won't connect to the marriage? Am I showing that living within this marriage as it is ~ am I sending a message to my 9 year old daughter that is not a positive one? I'm looking forward to hearing what Dr. Phil suggests to his guests. So many questions seeking some answers....Mitz61

My sympathy is with Mynde

In my view if you set out to get a marriage annulled then unless you make it very clear, perhaps with some sort of legal document, you are setting out to change the status of children born within that marriage. Effectively those 3 girls have been told by their church hierarchy that they are lesser daughters to their father than they were before he obtained the annullment. Mouthing a few platitudes about not intending things to be seen that way isn't enough - that father should get off his backside and do something ACTIVE to make it clear he values his daughters. &nbsp

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Quite frankly Dr Phil misses the point when he says hurt people need to step up, put their hurt aside and make an effort to mend fences for the sake of the family and because we might all be dead tomorrow. There are some people it is impossible to get along with because of the price tag they put on having a continuing relationship with them. Mynde's father is one of those people - he's officially rewritten 31 years of the family's history and expects everyone to be happy with what he's done. As for that expert - I take the point I'm not Catholic - annullmentsallowed on the grounds of lack of committment - I don't believe it!&nbsp

Examples of a Not so nasty break up please.

It appears that this show does allot to demonstrate what not to do, rather then what to do. When is there going to be a show with people who end relationships without getting Nasty or those who have done well after a break up or those who are great parents or those that have great relationships with there kids as adults or those that are debt free and living with in their means? It seems these shows are few and far between unless of course someone is selling a book or a plan of some sort. I think there is as much to learn from getting to know those who handle life well then looking at the mistakes of those that don't. The topic line up lately make me feel like the whole country is dysfunctional.

nasty breakups

I have been married for almost four years, recently found out that everything has been a lie. He has me trapped here, I have two babies, no job and no where to go, as far as will they change, in my situation I don't think so. He has promised change time and time again and he will be different for about two weeks then he is the same abusive, lieing person. He has broken every promise he has ever made unless I make him mad enough to carry it out and I only do that when it is something I cannot complete myself. The only vow he hasn't broken is "until death do us part". I don't think I will ever be able to trust my husband again. In truth I want out. &nbsp

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To the next topic: My mother left my dad after 25 years of marriage because she wanted someone younger than her. My Dad is still heartbroken, he is also a diabetic since the divorce he has had his medicine changed from pill control to the actual insulin shot. I have to remind him eveytime we talk that he did nothing wrong and that he doesn't need my mother, he has me, my sister, and my children to live for. It breaks my heart. My grandparents are almost 80 and they are devestated by it. In a since they lost their son. My mother ingnores the fact that she has a family. My sister, my children and I don't even exist to her. Her own mother was in the hospital possibly dieing about two weeks ago (she didn't die) but instead of being with her mother she was lieing around in bed with my new stepdad. So yes I do know how a parental divorce can change and hurt a family.&nbsp

Mary Anne I'm begging you!

Mary Anne do NOT go back to that marriage! Do NOT listen to any of the people on this board who tell you to give it another chance! They are none too bright! Mary Anne, I was MARRIED to a Lyle. He CANNOT change!&nbsp

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My ex painted a beautiful picture of our future lives together. We were going to honeymoon in Europe, we were going to buy a beautiful two-story house, we were going to vacation every other month. As soon as I married him, my hell began. We honeymooned about 100 miles away from our house. We lived in a two bedroom shack, which got foreclosed on us because he forgot to pay ANY bills. He told me it was a hideous mistake on the mortgage company's part, of course a big fat lie. We filed for bankruptcy in the first year because we had the foreclosure and two repossessed cars against us. I stuck it out because of my beliefs that adultery was the only reason to divorce. Little did I know I could have divorced him according to MY beliefs after the first year. &nbsp

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I ended up having two kids by this "man". The girls and I skimped by, living on hand me downs, depending on the kindness of family. We were saving for a new house, or so I thought. The day I found out there was zero money in the bank (overdrawn, in fact) I left. I got tired of the lies and the humiliation. I packed up and moved to Mom's. The kids and I left with no money, no home and no car (yet another repossession), yet the feeling of absolute freedom far outweighed the feeling of being a total and complete idiot for four years. (BTW, finally got proof he was cheating through a phone bill!) The final cruel blow was when he told his entire family our younger daughter was the result of an affair; his way of saying he left me instead of me leaving him. Never demanded a paternity test, though.&nbsp

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I am soooo happy now. I am remarried to the biggest gem of a man in the world! He is a diamond compared to my gumball-machine-ring ex. I have a son I never would have had otherwise! I live in a lovely two story house and I never worry about the cars being repossessed or the sherriff knocking on my door with foreclosure papers. I never knew love could feel like this. &nbsp

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You deserve the same happiness. Run from that loser who calls himself your husband. He CANNOT change! He is saying he is changed because things are getting tough for him and with you he could do whatever he pleased. It is convenience, not love that brought on this "change of heart". My ex tried the same thing. He told me he was going to counseling and that the psychologist said I was a horrible wife and that's why things were so bad. If I changed, things would be better. IT'S A LOAD, BELIEVE ME! I didn't buy it then, you shouldn't buy it now. Liars CANNOT change. I found that out the hard way. And as for the ex, well he married a girl he met on the internet. No telling what kind of crud he told that poor girl to trick her. Hope she wises up much faster than I did!&nbsp

Invalidation of marriage

In my view if you set out to get a marriage annulled then unless you make it very clear, perhaps with some sort of legal document, you are setting out to change the status of children born within that marriage. Effectively those 3 girls have been told by their church hierarchy that they are lesser daughters to their father than they were before he obtained the annullment. Mouthing a few platitudes about not intending things to be seen that way isn't enough - that father should get off his backside and do something ACTIVE to make it clear he values his daughters. &nbsp

&nbsp

Quite frankly Dr Phil misses the point when he says hurt people need to step up, put their hurt aside and make an effort to mend fences for the sake of the family and because we might all be dead tomorrow. There are some people it is impossible to get along with because of the price tag they put on having a continuing relationship with them. Mynde's father is one of those people - he's officially rewritten 31 years of the family's history and expects everyone to be happy with what he's done. As for that expert - I take the point I'm not Catholic - annullmentsallowed on the grounds of lack of committment - I don't believe it!&nbsp

There is a very big difference between a legal annulment and an invalidation of marriage within the Catholic faith. One has nothing to do with the other and consequently has nothing to do with the children of that marriage.

It is very difficult to obtain an invalidation (several years in most cases) in the Catholic Church. It is not taken lightly and must prove certain points that have only to do with the "intention" of the marriage. It also has to be proven that you have made every effort to make the marriage work and that must be supported by witnesses to the marriage. At no time does it have anything at all to do with the love and devotion a parent feels for their children. Marriage is a sacrament in The Church, but one that can not be fullfilled by only one partner. You have to have the cooperation of two people and that is not always possible. Adult children who love their parents would want them to be able to receive the sacraments and continue practicing their faith. These "children" seem to be centered on themselves more than the love of God and family.

second family

i think the daughter in the second family is being so closed minded and selfish. she should be glad she has a father who is willing to go on the show and try to mend the torn relationship. she says she doesnt want a relationship with him, even after he says he does.....that makes me so sad. my husband and i both grew up without fathers, and i was without my mother at age 11. get over it, hug and move on.....it could be alot worse. there are plenty of people out there who dont have any parents. grow up.