Thursday, February 26, 2009

On Tuesday night I watched the Oscars. I recorded it on my DVR. Most people would say they TiVo’d it, but my DVR is not a TiVo brand, so I don’t really feel comfortable calling it a TiVo. My DVR would probably feel bad if I did that.

I’ve seen most of the nominated movies, but I am still a little apprehensive about Slumdog Millionaire. I feel like I’m the only one, but when I see clips and hear things about Slumdog, it doesn’t make me want to see it. What if I don’t like it? Does that mean I’m racist? I wouldn’t think so… I loved The Visitor, which has plenty of different skin colors.

Two minutes in to Host Hugh Jackman's opening song and dance number, I found myself forwarding the show in thirty-second increments until the opening number was finished. I was able to stomach some of the award presentations, and some of the speeches, and a funny skit with Seth Rogan and the guy from Spiderman.

After one particular commercial break, Jackman was standing there with his usual perma- smile, but there was something different. He wore a white tie, instead of black, and he also wore a corsage, so you knew there was going to be some singing. As Jackman began performing, I reached for the remote, but my hand froze, as I stared in wonderment at THE Sexiest-Man-Alive singing show tunes in high-def. Was it his white shirt and tie, or his flashy top hat? Was it his affable smile or maybe his plodding dance moves? By now, other dancers had joined Jackman, moving this way and that, singing snippets of musical numbers, new and old. At some point Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens joined the performance, as did Beyonce, who was showing a lot of skin. I like her. At this point, they were all singing different songs; it was a frenetic medley, going back and forth from one song to another, and back again. By the end they were trading line-for-line. When they finished, I thought, “Damn, that must’ve been hard to put together…pretty impressive performance…” I then blacked out when the demon possessing me left my body.

When I came to, I had to rewind the DVR a bit. I should have stayed passed out. Actors tried to read the teleprompter and be funny at the same time, Queen Latifah sang while they paid tribute to those who died in '08. Cuba Gooding tried to joke with Robert Downey Jr. about his role in Tropic Thunder to no avail, and Sarah Jessica Parker's boobies almost popped out of her dress. All-in-all, about as good as expected. Can't wait for next year!

about me

I started this blog years ago while searching for my balls after my ex-wife stole them. Now that I'm happily married to a true woman and looking forward to many happy years not worrying about the woman sleeping next to me stealing my balls, I still seem to lose them from time to time. Whether it's the tech support guy at work taking them or my debilitating anxiety hiding them from me, it's still a battle.