Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Entry #90

It gives me something different to do. You know how this constant stream of lectures, seminars, papers, bore me. A thousand times I’ve told you, you’re my protégé’. I’m the mentor, you the mentee. There is no escape.

I teach your body, mind, and soul, and while I teach your body, you enjoy it—all those tricks to please a man, that you need to learn if you want to come up in the world. You’re a girl, remember that.

You’re like the sun, you said to me, the first time I tore up your petals, and the room reeled with your woman smell. I feel as if I’ve burned up and dissolved, you said.

Too much poetry, I said as I gathered clothes back to my wrinkled body, you’ll learn.

But now I know you were right.

I had melted you that first time, those first months. Should have kept you that way, molten, burning with ‘passion’, ‘poetry’. Instead, I let you harden, catch your own fire. You have nightmares, you told me, where I’m a black hand, reaching towards you, closing in.

You have become your own sun, and you want to set the world on fire. I see that. But you have to learn one last lesson: our insignificance. Nothing matters. No one would catch fire.

But you will burn.

I’m too old to give chase, put out the fire. But I can wait in ambush.

It is also about the cynicism of old age, of the feeling of invincibility of youth, of too many mixed emotions, and how things are grey, not black and white :)..Dunno if I got it all in, but your comment was reassuring! Thanks for the follow on twitter, and I'm off to follow you back :)

It was creepy, and there is the factor of the age difference, his body is wrinkled, hers young and spry. I like the last line "I'm too old toe give chase, put out the fire. But I can wait in ambush." Sneaky too.

Yes, it does have a predatory vibe, and though she is not as young as Lolita, being a college student, there is definitely that element.

I wasn't trying to write in the second person here. It is in the first person, but more like a letter, where he is addressing the other person...whereas in second person the "you" is a general you, not specific. Hope I'm saying this right :)

i admit i didn't get it for the first reading. after having read the comments it all became clear. i reread and was frightened by attitude of the speaker. the threat that comes through his voice. at times he is kind, or pretending to be, but most of the time he is dry and agressive - this line for example tells a lot you need to learn if you want to come up in the world. You’re a girl, remember that.

Teacher and student, the teacher done, student just beginning, he opened the door, she wants to explore, but will he let her? Wow, even if I'm way off that's what went through my mind as I read, and the images were vivid. Thank you!

"...as I gathered clothes back to my wrinkled body..." Eewww! I am both disgusted and compelled by that line - so much said in one short phrase. Well done painting a picture of this fractured relationship. ~Jana A

Damyanti - you did a very fine job with the voice in this piece. I actually feel shivers reading his thoughts. There is a dominating, controlling presence here and I want to shout " DON'T STOP - for goodness sake, keep running!"