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Monday, February 15, 2010

Why do I even try?

There are many times in every person's life that the question, "Why do I even try?" comes up. I think that it is natural for people to question what is happening to them or why they exist. According to people who study development, we are constantly trying to perfect our identity. However, I think that the Fat Chick questions herself more often than any other human being. This is due to the fact that society, at large, is out there questioning the fat chicks. I mean, you can actually see people (men in particular) with a t-shirt that says "No Fat Chicks" on it. So, it seems to me that Fat Chicks question themselves constantly. This feeds the Approval Beast, and the cycle continues. This concept is actually called internalized hatred. It happens to people when they are told that they are worthless for long periods of time. Eventually, the person who hears they are worthless adopts the same definition for themselves and for other people like them. Fat Chicks are not the only ones who experience this: all people who are different from mainstream deal with learning to love themselves when the world tells them that they are not worth anything. My point? The Fat Chick is constantly moving between "Why even try?" and "I am worth it, why do people hate me so much?" and "I am worthless...I need to be like everyone else." and "Look at that Fat Chick, I hope she looks worse than I do." Anyone who has carried a few extra pounds has hoped that they don't look as fat as the other fat people. It's part of what Fat Chicks do. We compare, contrast, ridicule, and belittle ourselves just like the rest of the world does. Leads us right down the "Why do I even try?" yellow brick road. But, for many, there is no Emerald City and there is no "home" to get to where you feel okay. Fat Chicks just continue to self-destruct...

1 comment:

I once had a dream about my dear DEAR friend who struggled with this issue... in my dream she unzipped the "fat suit" (like a toddlers "blanket sleeper") and stepped out of it a lithe lovely... it changed my perspective. But I don't know how to change the perspectives of the general population - I think it has to do with how you perceive yourself, carry yourself, etc. I guess if you have respect in your professional and personal life, who cares about the insenitive &$^@#s in the rude t-shirts?!?!