As some of you may recall, yesterday I wrote about the most appallingly tiny shorts I had ever seen. I think everyone, myself included, wanted a new brain and set of eyeballs after that…revealing monstrosity. And yet it is not just misguided girls who manage to show off fully half of their asses while out in public. In keeping with yesterday’s epic display of half an ass, I present: the other half.

Okay. As we approach the end of shorts season, I feel it is imperative to remind everyone that just because you can wear shorts does not mean you should. Shorts are texting while drunk: Just because you can do it doesn’t mean that you should just go ahead and send that guy in your office a picture of your ass.

That is basically what these shorts are doing, though. Everyone who sees this chick is getting a full-blown view of the lower half of her bottom. And when, I must ask, did that become appropriate outside of a beach?

I suppose the rules of appropriateness have become at least somewhat moot in that I have seen an astonishing number of people wearing shirts that are completely see-through and sometimes backless. But that does not make this any less disgusting.

There is a seemingly infinite list of Things I Hate in fashion. With good reason, mind you. There are many looks that are too unfortunate to give the time of day to, such as jumpsuits, sheer lace, inexplicable sheerness period, and fringed anything. This gets three out of four, which is a shocking percentage for something spotted in the Real World and not on some bonkers runway in Milan or Paris. Speaking of sheer lace, tomorrow will prominently feature Doily Pants.

I may be more than presently disgruntled because I have spent quality time in the past few days looking at Milan Fashion Week as well as getting on Vogue’s website and reading their joke of a best dressed list for last week that involved multiple sadsack Valentino looks. I do not understand. There is something rotten in the state of fashion.

Milan Fashion Week is on right now, featuring a wide variety of crazy. I haven’t got anything as infuriating as the skin and bones Marc Jacobs models in crop tops, but there is more sheer fabric than I care to think about, and a lot of oddly oversized silhouettes. Can both of those trends go away already? I thought they were a 2012 thing. Actually, I wished they were only a 2012 thing. And yet, there they all are, all over the runway, hurting my eyes.

It was also the Emmys last night, and people mostly dressed well, which while a good thing, does not help my penchant for laughing at bad clothing decisions. There were a few oddballs, but nothing shocking, although Heidi Klum’s dress was basically a shedding bathing suit.

So, instead of high fashion, we’re going to talk about some seriously white trash couture: velour tracksuits and boots.