So, this series is really going to be just a cut and paste job because the Onion article is so great.

Item: A faux hand-stitched pillow adorned with a ghoulish recreation of Ben Stiller’s simian features, and the title “World’s Greatest Husband”

Promoting: The Farrelly brothers’ little-loved remake of The Heartbreak Kid

Relevance to product promoted: High. It’s apparently a recreation of the pillow Stiller’s monstrous new wife makes him while bedridden during their disastrous honeymoon.

Item quality, on a scale from 1 (instantly disposable) to 5 (office-humor essential): 5. Words cannot do justice to this bizarre curio’s soul-shuddering creepiness. Stiller’s cold, dead eyes seem to follow you wherever you go, while his smudgy lips are permanently frozen together in stern, disapproving judgment. Like the Patch Adams clipboard and Novocaine beat-up teddy bear that inexplicably still occupy a place of pride at the A.V. Club office, this creepily detailed pillow妖ig the hearts and flowers and fussy, quaint lettering様ooks primed to outlive the film it so indelibly promotes.