EveryJoe Confessions: I Want to Break Off My Engagement

Every guy has something to confess. Here at EveryJoe, we are listening. This Joe is supposed to be walking down the aisle in less than two months, but he really wants to back out…

My girl and I have been together for a long time — a really long time — almost 11 years. About six months ago, she was really turning up the heat about marriage. So I had a choice — pop the question or get out. Unfortunately, I took the lazy route and asked her to marry me.

Don’t get me wrong — I love her and all, but the thought of actually marrying her is terrifying. The thing is this… I cheat on her ALL THE TIME. She has no freakin’ clue (as far as I know) but I hook up with other girls once or twice a month. And though cheating is definitely bad when you are dating, when you get married, it’s a whole new ball game. And to be honest (since this is a confession and all), there’s no way that I’m going to stop cheating.

My girl is pretty. She’s got a good body. And she’s really good to me. To top it off, she has an excellent job and she can cook like you can’t believe. Sounds like Mrs. Right, right? I guess so, but I have a couple issues — she’s not HOT and she’s B-O-R-I-N-G in bed.

So that’s where the cheating comes in. I want a girl who is smokin’ hot and willing to do whatever and whenever. A little bondage? Yep. Threesome? Yep. Anal? Yep. I want it all. So I tell my girl that I have to work late, head to the other side of town and pick up the hottest, nastiest bitches I can find. Whether it’s in a bar or on a street corner, I don’t care. If I have to pay for it, that’s fine too. Hell, we are all paying for it one way or another, right?

46 days until I’m supposed to walk down that aisle.

WTF am I going to do?

Hey guys… Got something to confess? Email me at tips@everyjoe.com and get it off your chest.

What a dirty douchbag. Do the girl a favor and leaver her before you give her an STD.

Dan

WTF are you supposed to do? Grow a pair of balls and leave her. She deserves better than you anyway.

democraticdefecit

Give the dude a break man, we all have needs. Are you some kind of closet feminist Dan? This girl has qualities that can’t be overlooked, she just needs to get it on in a satisfying way. She’ll be happier as well if she’s doing it for her man. It’s her that wants the marriage, so she should come to the party and drop the dead fish act.

Millie

Break up with her, you aren’t doing her or yourself any favours. Just beware, you’re gonna miss her when she’s gone.

Concerned

Write her an email confessing everything, including and especially the hookers; send it. Let her know you’re breaking off the engagement because you know she deserves better and you know you cannot be that better man. Then, if you have any desire to ever become a better man you need to find a counselor that deals with men’s issues. You sound like you have a fear of being emotionally close or vulnerable to someone. You have WASTED ELEVEN YEARS of this sweet woman’s life. ELEVEN years!! I can think of nothing more cruel in a relationship. It’s the people you love and trust that you hurt the most. You clearly don’t want to marry her so quit being so lazy in your life. Find the guts and belief in yourself to find the woman you really do want (if not marry but at least don’t dread the idea), because for whatever reason, it’s clearly not this girl. You’re thinking with your head for why you would stay with her and that’s not the right way to do it, that’s not what you’re supposed to be listening to.

democraticdefecit

Apart for the dead fish sex she sounds like a catch, can’t you spice it up a bit, see if you can trade more exciting sex for marriage? You’ll be surprised what girls agree to when they have marriage in their sights. Her clock is clearly ticking like a time bomb, now is the time to horse trade, once you’re married the boot is on the other foot, your time is now.

My advice is to never ever ever tell her about the extra circular sex, focus on helping her improve her game. If she has a hot bod, the rest can be learned and taught, she has a good basic kit from the sounds of it. Perhaps all she needs is to let go and release her inner harlot.

Does she have any latent kinks you can expand on and make a ‘thing’ out of? In my experience girls are up for most things once you break through the initial inhibition barrier, they are way more filthy than men at heart. Start small and work your way up to bouncing off the wall three in a bed mad monkey sex. You’ll never know what she has in her, or how far she’ll go till you explore it thoroughly.

I feel for you dude, but if you can find her ‘on’ button and get that hot bod engine going she looks like a good deal, never underestimate the value of a hot bod and a good job in a girl. Failing that leg it good and proper and make a clean break, but do it soon, the closer to ring day you do it the more she’ll hate you afterwards. If you marry dead fish sex girl and carry on with your extra circular sex it will be a disaster. Traditionally marriages start of hot and then burn cool, so if it’s cool to start, your screwed, turn up the heat or flee.

anon

don’t be so hard on the guy. it’s not nearly as simple as you people want to make this out to be. joe you are in a tough spot with no good solution. i was in a similar situation and decided to get married. if you don’t marry this one your whole life will likely be spent chasing tail–which there is nothing wrong with but it is likely not the best thing for you in the long run. my best advice–get married understanding you are going to do what you do for a while. don’t feel guity about it, it not unusual and most people just lie to themselves or suppress their real feelings. in a few years you may not need as much cheap sex, but you may and so be it. being married is hard, but also going through life as a mere pleasure seeker is no way to happiness either.

Concerned

I hope someone you’re madly in love with cheats on you so you can see how it feels, what it does to a person. Hope your cheap sex fixes that!

Nora

that might be a good solution for him, but have you thought about his partner too? Cause let me tell you, her knowing that the person she loves is sleeping with someone else, that he’s not satisfied with just her must be killing her

Anyone deserves better than that

Confused

You’re gonna get caught and it is going to cost you a hell of a lot more than this wedding will. MARRIAGE= betting someone half of your stuff that you will stay together forever.

Layla

Break up with her, I would kill my boyfriend if he did half the stuff you’ve done to her.

Nora

The cheating on itself is bad enough but the way you’re phrasing it, it’s like you’re blaming her for your cheating

‘She’s not hot and she’s boring so that’s the reason i’m cheating’

seriously you’re lower than scum and you definitely don’t deserve a break

a real man would at least have the guts to admit to himself why he can’t commit to one girl moreover you’ve been with this girl for 11 years so don’t you think that she deserves better than to be stuck with some lying, cheating douchebag with commitment issues?

And you now what else you’re not the victim here, she is.

So get the fuck over yourself and stop acting like such a pussy

cisb

My opinion of you and what you are doing is besides the point. My advice is don´t marry her. You say you don´t know what to do because it is going to be hard, not because you don´t know. Wether or not you come clean about some or all of the stuff you have done behind her back is not even the main issue. You clearly are not in love with her, otherwise you would be terrified of losing her. She is not in love with the REAL you. So really you are both wasting each others time and living a big fat lie. She clearly is unable to make the decision to leave, as she has invested so much time into this relationship, but I assure you she has probably looked up on line wether or not she should leave you as well, she probably has some gut feeling that something is up. You have to break it off, for both of your sakes. Try to let her down gently and spare her the many details of your infidelities. She sounds like a catch, I am sure she will recover and find someone else. And you will be free to do whatever you want until you meet some other person who you DO want to commit to and treat better because you actually love her. Good luck, your going to need it. Maybe break it off in a public area where she might be less tempted to kick your ass or cut off your penis, just a thought.