20 Strange and Cool Products for Dads

It’s no secret that over the past decade or so, with the continuing rise of the Internet, selling all kinds of crap to parents has probably replaced missile-making and liquor shilling when it comes to making the big bucks.

Parents, especially first-timers, love to spend their hard-earned cash in the vast, endless halls of products which are supposed to wrap, lift, quiet, comfort, warm up, clean, feed, protect, preserve, or entertain their babies and toddlers. But in reality (let’s be perfectly honest here), these gadgets are usually just something shiny and clever that mom or dad themselves is highly attracted to.

Listen, American ingenuity didn’t get to where it is today thanks to the contents of any kids’ piggy banks, you know? Entrepreneurs interested in a piece of the real parenting money pie know darn well that if they are selling stuff that catches the parent’s eye, then it’s cha-ching time!

Now, before you accuse me of casting a frown upon the legions of parents out there, allow me to readily admit that, like so many of my fellow dads all over the world, I am a big old sucker for useless junk that looks kind of cool in the store or online.

Some of it proves to be worthwhile in the end. Most of it does not.

But hey, in a free-market society in this day and age of in-your-face parenting, why not just sit back and kind of revel in the fact that there are so many funny and interesting products geared toward us baby makers.

I’ve rounded up a bunch of the wilder ones that I think dads like me might dig.

So dive in.

Stuff Dads NEED 1 of 21

Poop Alarm 2 of 21

Guys like big flashing lights and sounds. Dads need to change diapers. And now the best of both worlds has arrived.

Dude, I feel your pain. Someone needs a feeding right in the middle of you watching an episode of The Walking Dead? No problem, just break out this contraption and you're good to go, you lazy couch potato, you!

Guys, see that picture? Now tell me you can't imagine yourself in place of that sweet mommy, just sucking all of that nasty snot out of your tiny one's nose with this product called the NoseFrida? Maybe you can ask for this as a stocking stuffer.

The Windi is a product made by the same people who make the NoseFrida, and it's designed to make its way in to where the sun don't shine and chase all of the gas out of your baby with colic/built-up jet fuel. C'mon dads, you know you want to see what the heck happens! And DO NOT forget to film it and put it on YouTube. I'll be waiting...

What dad doesn't look at his precious baby girl and secretly wish upon a star that she had some bizarre bangs on her head? Well, evidently there's some headbands out there that can make your dreams come true. Super creepy.

I think The Zaky is designed to let dads waste time flipping through channels while the baby sleeps tight with a pair of big comforting hands protecting him or her. But in reality it's just a very chilling piece of equipment that freaks me out to no end. So yeah, I want it.

Frisky kid flapping his arms all over the place when you're trying to change an ultra-nasty diaper? Never fear. Wrap him tight in this Baby Budaboo (it's NOT a straight jacket!) and get the job done like the man you know you are.

Sometimes, it seems like the only thing that can possibly get a little baby to stop the endless crying is the presence of another little baby. Lucky for us dads, even if we don't have an extra real infant handy, there are these incredibly detailed masks from Hyperflesh to save the day. Slip one on and watch your restless bambino simmer down and smile ... or pass out from terror.

Well, fellas, remember when you were watching that old Burt Reynolds flick on satellite TV while your wife went out and left you in charge of making sure the baby kept living until she got back? And remember how you had to keep getting up off your butt to go in to the nursery and make sure things were kosher? Well, those days are over. Now, with the Owlet Vitals App, you can monitor all of your kid's vital signs without moving away from your snacks and your remote. Lucky dog.

Nothing fancy about this product, really. It's just a very cool tool for getting little guys adjusted to peeing like a big guy. "Pee right there on that cute little bird, son! 'Atta Boy!" Plus, you just feel better as a father knowing that you you have something inside your home called a "penguin urinal."

There is NOTHING more frustrating for modern dads than dealing with fussy kids who refuse to eat the nice food that you've made them. So, I say let 'em have it. Just whip out this can and let them know that if they simply don't want to eat their flax and broccoli smoothies, you are just going to serve them Unicorn Meat from now on. When they're done bawling, they'll eat whatever you dish out.

Listen, you're doing a great job at being a dad. You work hard, you heat up bottles in the microwave, you play with your kids, you hold them in your arms, and read them stories that make no sense at all. So at the end of a hard-earned day, don't feel guilty for figuring out the secret to life as a parent. I mean, they didn't really make those stupid robot vacuums to sweep up dust. You knew that, right? Happy Fathering!

Use a Facebook account to add a comment, subject to Facebook's Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Your Facebook name, profile photo and other personal information you make public on Facebook (e.g., school, work, current city, age) will appear with your comment. Learn More.

Content provided on this site is for entertainment or informational purposes only and should not be construed as medical or health, safety, legal or financial advice.
Click here for additional information.