tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-80807275224130534202014-10-04T21:45:47.277-07:00The Funniest Jokes. Humor. Short and Hilarious AnecdotesB-213http://www.blogger.com/profile/01986711609333986343noreply@blogger.comBlogger39125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8080727522413053420.post-65984518558514314022011-04-09T00:41:00.000-07:002011-04-09T00:43:51.403-07:00100 year old man<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(68, 68, 68); font-family: Helvetica, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; "><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; ">A 60-year-old man is getting his annual physical:<br />- Doc, do you think I'll live another 40 years so I can reach 100?<br />- That depends," says the doctor. Do you smoke?<br />- No<br />- Do you drink?<br />- No<br />- Do you fool around with loose women?<br />- Of course not<br />- Well, then, why the hell do you want to live for another 40 years?</p></span>B-213http://www.blogger.com/profile/01986711609333986343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8080727522413053420.post-90453418626242035552011-04-09T00:21:00.001-07:002011-04-09T00:27:01.606-07:00It's alrightTwo friends talking:<div>- Sorry man, I slept with your wife</div><div>- It's ok, I sleep with her every ninght</div>B-213http://www.blogger.com/profile/01986711609333986343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8080727522413053420.post-28011411331662756462011-04-07T23:10:00.000-07:002011-04-07T23:19:31.781-07:00We're all gonna die- Doctor, I ate pizza with the expired date of consumption, what'll happen to me, am I gonna die?<br />- Well everyone is going to die some day, you know....<br />- Oh my God! What have I done? Now we're all gonna die!B-213http://www.blogger.com/profile/01986711609333986343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8080727522413053420.post-13071190313903430742011-04-07T23:07:00.000-07:002011-04-07T23:10:45.930-07:00Happy Marriage- Honey, both that journalist and the engineer proposed to our daughter!<br />- So who's the lucky man?<br />- The engineer. Our daughter married the journalistB-213http://www.blogger.com/profile/01986711609333986343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8080727522413053420.post-61199237743764477852011-04-06T21:48:00.000-07:002011-04-09T00:45:46.393-07:00Pick up line- Hey girl, did anyone tell you that you look like Marilyn Monroe?<br />- Noooooooo!!!!<br />- That's right! 'cause you look like Arnold SchwarzeneggerB-213http://www.blogger.com/profile/01986711609333986343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8080727522413053420.post-74630757123464625592011-04-06T21:46:00.001-07:002011-04-07T05:06:24.779-07:00NATO in LibyaIn order to protect civilians from airstrikes NATO air forces have to gun down themselvesB-213http://www.blogger.com/profile/01986711609333986343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8080727522413053420.post-13235026545938709562011-04-06T21:45:00.001-07:002011-04-06T21:46:26.445-07:00At school- Bobby, would you like to go to heaven?<br />- Yes Miss, but I really need to be going home after the classesB-213http://www.blogger.com/profile/01986711609333986343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8080727522413053420.post-83626801304480101292011-02-03T15:42:00.000-08:002011-02-03T15:46:12.541-08:00Bandaged blondeA blonde with bandaged arm and foot meets her friend.<br />- What happened to you?<br />- I was using a vacuum cleaner and it hit me in the arm<br />- But why is your foot bandaged?<br />- I kicked it back!B-213http://www.blogger.com/profile/01986711609333986343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8080727522413053420.post-18758050694458256992011-02-03T15:35:00.000-08:002011-02-03T15:40:56.078-08:00SurferOne shark to the other: Look at this surfer - he's being served just like in a restaurant on a food-tray and with a napkinB-213http://www.blogger.com/profile/01986711609333986343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8080727522413053420.post-61307191161512863292011-02-03T15:33:00.000-08:002011-02-03T15:35:34.449-08:00God doesn't exist"God doesn't exist" - Karl Marx<br />"Karl Marx no longer exists" - GodB-213http://www.blogger.com/profile/01986711609333986343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8080727522413053420.post-30049424870883278312009-09-22T04:06:00.000-07:002009-09-22T04:09:05.744-07:00How to make people happyOne day Dick Cheney, George Bush and Laura Bush were in a private jet going to France.<br />Then, George Bush said, " If i throw this hundred dollar bill off this jet I'll make one person happy!"<br />Then Dick Cheney said, " Man if i throw ten, ten dollar bills down, I'll make ten people happy!"<br />Then Laura Bush said, " If I throw one hundred one dollar bills off this jet I'll make a hundred people happy."<br />Then the pilot said, " Man, if I throw these 3 losers outta this jet, I'll make six billion people happy."B-213http://www.blogger.com/profile/01986711609333986343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8080727522413053420.post-49788526681977838502009-09-08T01:58:00.000-07:002009-09-08T02:03:42.439-07:00MarriageIn the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.<br />In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.<br />In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.B-213http://www.blogger.com/profile/01986711609333986343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8080727522413053420.post-22494744786856135332009-09-02T03:36:00.000-07:002009-09-02T03:38:26.138-07:00Violent when drunkA guy walked into a bar and said: "Beers for everyone, even you, Bartender." But when it was time to pay, the guy didnt have the money, so the bartender beat him up. <br />The next day the guy did the same thing, ordered a beer for everyone, even the bartender, and the bartender beat him up since the guy couldnt pay.<br />Then the next day, the guy said: "Beers for everyone! But not you, bartender!" The bartender said "Why?" The guy replied "You're violent when you're drunk!"B-213http://www.blogger.com/profile/01986711609333986343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8080727522413053420.post-44774566861727367002009-09-01T03:33:00.000-07:002009-09-01T03:34:06.184-07:00Blonde breaststroke swimmingA blonde, brunette and a redhead had a breaststroke swimming race across the English Channel. The brunette came in first, the redhead came in second and the blonde never finished. When the blonde got in the lifeboat she said, I dont want to be a tattletale or anything, but the other two used their arms.B-213http://www.blogger.com/profile/01986711609333986343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8080727522413053420.post-63531434180615082932009-08-30T04:17:00.000-07:002009-08-30T04:18:35.776-07:00Weight loss- Honey, I lost half a kilo!<br />- Did you shave your legs ?!B-213http://www.blogger.com/profile/01986711609333986343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8080727522413053420.post-69491229384268475812009-08-29T02:46:00.001-07:002009-08-29T02:46:42.604-07:00At the bank"Im not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance ... she leaned over and pushed me."B-213http://www.blogger.com/profile/01986711609333986343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8080727522413053420.post-48942117299006452122009-08-29T02:43:00.000-07:002009-08-29T02:45:01.317-07:00InsomniaA lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor: "Which side is it best to lie on?" she asked<br />"The side that pays your fee," replied the doctor.B-213http://www.blogger.com/profile/01986711609333986343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8080727522413053420.post-90119014718274584922009-08-26T05:50:00.001-07:002009-08-26T05:50:49.291-07:00A Christmas wishBoy - "dear Santa, for xmas, I would like a baby brother."<br />Santa - "Send me your mother."B-213http://www.blogger.com/profile/01986711609333986343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8080727522413053420.post-47749679180604368672009-08-26T05:45:00.000-07:002009-08-26T05:48:56.782-07:00At schoolTeacher: Shall I put the school computer on?<br />Pupil: No, Miss, the dress youre wearing looks fine....B-213http://www.blogger.com/profile/01986711609333986343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8080727522413053420.post-28032134383347037092009-08-25T07:04:00.000-07:002009-08-25T07:05:23.547-07:00AlcoholBill was trying to to teach his son the evils of alcohol.<br />He put a worm in a glass of water & another in a glass of whiskey.<br />The worm in the water lived while the one in the whiskey curled up & died.<br />"All right, son," Said Will, "what does that show you?"<br />"Well dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol you will not have worms."B-213http://www.blogger.com/profile/01986711609333986343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8080727522413053420.post-77109143076009985562008-10-20T03:52:00.000-07:002008-10-20T03:54:33.441-07:00Blonde's happy birthdayA blonde goes for a job interview in an office.<br />The interviewer starts with the basics.<br />"So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?"<br />The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying. "Um ... 22."<br />The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice.<br />"And can you tell us your height, please?"<br />The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag.<br />She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, "Five foot two!"<br />This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics, something that she won't have to count, measure, or lookup.<br />"Just to confirm for our records, your name please?"<br />The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about fifteen seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, "Cindy!"<br />The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, "What were you doing when I asked you your name?"<br />"Oh, that!" replies the blonde," I was just running through that song, 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...'"B-213http://www.blogger.com/profile/01986711609333986343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8080727522413053420.post-76831169263752184642008-10-16T02:46:00.001-07:002008-10-16T02:46:59.627-07:00Restaurant in SpainA tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain and orders the specialty of the house. When his dinner arrives, he asks the waiter what it is.<br />"These, senor," replied the waiter in broken English, "are the cojones, how you say, the testicles, of the bull killed in the ring today."<br />The tourist swallowed hard but tasted the dish and thought it was delicious. So he comes back the next evening and orders the same item. When it is served, he says to the waiter, "These cojones, or whatever you call them...are much smaller than the ones I had last night."<br />"Yes, senor," replied the waiter, "You see...the bull, he does not always lose."B-213http://www.blogger.com/profile/01986711609333986343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8080727522413053420.post-29959048597732836222008-10-14T04:38:00.000-07:002008-10-14T04:41:49.730-07:00Drunken drivingA man was out, driving happily along in his car late one Saturday night. Before too long, a cop pulled him over.<br />The policeman walked up to the man and asked, "Have you been drinking, sir?"<br />"Why? Was I weaving all over the road?"<br />"No," replied the policeman, "you were driving splendidly. It was the really ugly girl in the passenger seat that gave you away."B-213http://www.blogger.com/profile/01986711609333986343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8080727522413053420.post-80379171033565216912008-10-10T04:33:00.000-07:002008-10-10T04:34:32.719-07:00FriendsTwo friends were standing in a bank when a pair of robbers entered. Not only did the thieves clean out the tills, but also they walked around ith bags and ordered everyone to throw their valuables in. Just as the robbers got to the pair, one of the friends turned to the other and, passing him a bill, said, "By the way, Joe, here's that twenty bucks I owe you."B-213http://www.blogger.com/profile/01986711609333986343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8080727522413053420.post-63492620348643723322008-10-09T01:55:00.000-07:002008-10-09T01:57:25.436-07:00Two blondes flyingTwo blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the Captain announced, 'One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry, we have three engines left.'<br />Thirty minutes later, the Captain announced, 'One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry, we have two engines left.' An hour later the Captain announced, 'One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left.'<br />One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said, 'If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day.'B-213http://www.blogger.com/profile/01986711609333986343noreply@blogger.com