Author
Topic: What part of too far out of the way do you not understand? (Read 12414 times)

My friend fixed me up with a guy she works with. We've gone out once and had a pretty nice time. He asked me to go with him to see his friend's band play tomorrow evening. The band is playing at a local park about 15 miles from where I work. Yet he wants me to drive 40 miles out of my way to meet him just to ride back to the park with him to see the show. Since I won't have time to go home after work, this means I'd have to make the trip back to my car with him and then drive about SEVENTY miles back home. I explained this and told him that the park is very close to my work (and quite honestly would only be about 10 miles out of his way if he wanted to meet me at work to go to the show.) He told me that he didn't know how to get to where I work, which I find inexcusable since there are such things as GPS's and Google Maps. Plus, where I work is right off the main highway, so it's a straight shot and easy to find. He even balked at that, saying "well, you know I hate driving on the main roads around here because traffic is so bad." Finally, I told him that I'd just meet him at said park since it was so close by to my work. He got all bent out of shape about how he really wanted me to ride with him to the show, and he's all kinds of insistent that I make this absolutely unnecessary drive to meet him. I am about thisclose to telling him to forget it. Can I still get out of this? I really don't see much of a future with this guy if he's this clueless!

He's not clueless, he's selfish. He's not in the least bit concerned for your comfort or convenience, just his. People are usually on their best behavior at the beginning of dating -- so if this is his best, you probably don't want to stick around for his worst.

Logged

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." — Douglas Adams

If you've otherwise liked him I'd try one more time just in case he somehow doesn't realize how far that drive would be for you.

"Okay wait, am I understanding you correctly? You want me to drive 80 miles round trip to your house and back so that you don't have to drive 10 miles extra to (your job) or meet me at the park? I appreciate that you'd like to have the drive to chat and get to know each other better, but I don't want to drive 40 miles to your place just to hop in your car and come back here, then do it all again after the concert."

If he continues to insist I'd be done with him. Somebody who is that insistent, stubborn and inconsiderate on a 2nd date is only going to get worse.

'I am not driving 80 miles out of my way to come pick you up. You have three choices: You can meet me here at the office and we'll drive together from here. You can meet me at the park. Or you can forget the whole thing (and lose my number).'

Not sure about the bracketed part but I'd say it, especially if I don't think things were going to work out from this point.

Logged

After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice: If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.

I would be more concerned about why he is so desperate to have you at his house or in his car. And I would definitely say this is way too much trouble for just a second date and let him go.

I'm glad I'm not the only one wondering why it's so important for him to drive you. Even if it's just an ego thing (i.e. the man is supposed to drive, or I want to impress her with my car), it seems like a red flag that he's throwing a fit over something so minor. This does not seem like someone I'd want to get to know better.

I would be more concerned about why he is so desperate to have you at his house or in his car. And I would definitely say this is way too much trouble for just a second date and let him go.

I'm glad I'm not the only one wondering why it's so important for him to drive you. Even if it's just an ego thing (i.e. the man is supposed to drive, or I want to impress her with my car), it seems like a red flag that he's throwing a fit over something so minor. This does not seem like someone I'd want to get to know better.

Didnt he say he didnt like driving in the city? He wanted her to drive?

EXDH and I were involved with a group that had a few single guys. There was this one guy that none of the women could figure out why he wasn't married or at least had a steady. Good looking, good job, owned his own house, good personality. After EXDH and I split, guy asked me out. Nice time was had.

Aprrox a week after our date, I went shopping and to dinner with the girls directly from work. Got home about 9 to him sitting in front of my house. Hadn't even closed my car door before he was breathing down my neck and screaming at me about where the H___ had I been. Not having a shiny spine at the time, I instantly thought I had forgotten we were supposed to get together that night and had forgotten.

Until it finally dawned that we had not had plans. At all. That shiny spine developed right then and there. Had a short and sweet come to Deity discussion and that was the end of that.

At least our curiosity was satisfied. That was about 30 years ago. To this day, he's never been married or has had a steady.

If he's showing this characteristic this early in the relationship, I wonder what other personality traits he's keeping on the down low. He won't compromise about this chain of logistics what's in store further down the line.

I can think of a few other reasons why he is insistent on driving together that aren't a safety red flag: he doesn't want to fully admit that he's afraid to drive/drive alone or that he is in some way unable to drive (no license, lost his license, no car...); he's a cheap jerk who thinks he'll save a few of his pennies by using up your gas (and possibly parking fees); he's already anticipating drinking too much at the concert and is setting up his designated driver.*

*Side story: I had a friend like this -- it was subtle at first but I soon realized that whenever we were going to do something together that could even potentially involve alcohol (and more and more outings did involve alcohol), I always ended up doing all the driving. When I suggested meeting her there, she'd cancel or attempt to change the plans to something within walking distance of her apartment. She actually backed out of a weekend event we'd planned for months to attend when I remarked that their website stated that the venue didn't serve/allow alcoholic beverages. She would never admit that was the reason, but that was the reason. She was upset to learn later that they did indeed have a wine tasting tent, they just didn't allow anyone to go into the general event with a drink or even a sealed bottle.

Logged

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." — Douglas Adams

He's not clueless, he's selfish. He's not in the least bit concerned for your comfort or convenience, just his. People are usually on their best behavior at the beginning of dating -- so if this is his best, you probably don't want to stick around for his worst.

This. He'd have lost me already with the complete lack of willingness to compromise.

I am wondering myself why it is so darned important to him that I ride with him. I'm on the overly-suspicious side myself and view most men as potential ax-murderers, so I feel better that this has raised red flags with so many of y'all here. I think I'm going to skip this little outing.

I am wondering myself why it is so darned important to him that I ride with him. I'm on the overly-suspicious side myself and view most men as potential ax-murderers, so I feel better that this has raised red flags with so many of y'all here. I think I'm going to skip this little outing.

If you feel even a little bit hinky - listen to that. I hope he respects your decision but hey, if he doesn't, you'll know without a doubt you were right to nip this now. Win-win either way!