Throughout Euro 2012 we brought you analysis of the day's TV broadcasts from Poland and Ukraine, courtesy of Daily Mirror TV critic Jim Shelley and writer Andy Dawson, better known as Twitter's Profanity Swan. Here's Andy's final dispatch...

Waffling on: Adrian Chiles and his team take a last bite out of the Euros

In the end, Spain were the worthy winners of Euro 2012, snuffing out those ‘boring’ jibes like eleven little Tony Sopranos armed with pillows. Boring? Yeah, about as boring as psychopath sex robot, or a fruit machine that pays out EVERY TIME!

On ITV, with the pundits still camped out on the roof of Warsaw’s branch of Primark, there was a decidedly end of term vibe about things, with laughter and jokes galore. Ties had been abandoned, even though I can’t remember if any of them have worn ties at any point.

Maybe they were all feeling more comfortable owing to the absence of Jamie Carragher from the final line-up – probably as a result of legal action from Ziggy off of Grange Hill, aggressively seeking damages from Carra for the shameless nicking of his voice.

In truth, none of us should have been surprised that Spain triumphed. As Adrian Chiles described their opponents ahead of the match, “Italy, who none of us saw coming”. Yeah, that World Cup win from SIX years ago was a total decoy wasn’t it, pudding chops?

The 17 viewers who had actually opted for ITV’s coverage of the final over the BBC were rewarded with some insights into the off-screen hardships that had been endured in order to bring us the top-notch coverage that we… erm, endured.

There was chilling talk of buskers being moved along and even paid off to exit the Warsaw square that was home to the ITV gang. Even more chilling was Gareth Southgate’s revelation that Roy Keane and Patrick Vieira had both enjoyed an ice cream together, or as Gareth likes to call them, “a 99 without a flake”. Yeah, that’s just an ice cream, mate.

ITV

False 99: Keane didn't enjoy revelations about his ice cream use

Keane's response to being outed as an ice cream-enjoyer was stinging, announcing that he’d, “enjoyed MOST people’s company on the trip”, while glaring at Southgate. That’s the last we’ll be seeing of him then – Keane will doubtlessly be visiting him with a pillow later tonight.

As far as the match coverage itself went, Andy Townsend must have heard that there was a CBBC red button commentary on the other side and decided to go in a more ‘adult’ direction. After David Silva scored Spain’s opening goal, Townsend moaned, nay PURRED, “That… is just so good…. [audible intake of breath] I can’t tell you how good that is”.

I’m pretty certain I heard the lighting of a cigarette follow afterwards and was fully expecting Townsend to blithely tell Clive Tyldesley that although he really liked him, he didn’t want to get into a proper co-commentary relationship right now and that he’d have to leave soon because he’s got an early start at work tomorrow morning.

Right at the end, the final piece of jaw-dropping ITV stupidity tumbled out of that loveable, if strangely-arranged mouth of Adrian Chiles. In the light of Spain’s third major tournament victory, he singled out the panel’s token Spaniard, attempted to tap into the national psyche and asked: “Can they stay hungry for more, Roberto?”

It was the optimum moment for Martinez to spit: “No, Adrian, I imagine the entire squad will collectively say ‘fuck this’ and move to San Francisco, where they will set up a radical hippy commune. Their aims will be the end of capitalism, the mass acceptance of public nudity and the return of Friends to our TV screens for one last series."

But he didn’t – he just concurred that yes, Spain will want more. Sadly, we’ll all have to wait another two years for it.