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]Texted a girl I cold approached, wondering how I handled it, advice welcome...

]Texted a girl I cold approached, wondering how I handled it, advice welcome...

12-26-2016, 09:25 PM

Cold approached a girl standing in the mall, only chatted about 5 minutes, made her laugh a bit, she gave me her number when I asked. She lives in a nearby city and was unsure how we could meet when she's not from this particular city, but she gave it me anyway. Wasn't sure if she was enthusiastic about giving it me, and didn't want to text her, to respect her boundaries, but I thought 'hey, she can always ignore my first text'. Here is our text conversation.

[17:14] brainfreeze: Hey there it's [brainfreeze], we met yesterday, it was fun meeting you if only briefly, did you find what you were shopping for?
[20:24] HB: Hi, yes I did, thanks for asking
[20:55] brainfreeze: Are you going to keep your promise of giving me a tour of the city, despite not knowing anything about it? I'm sure you can improvise haha
[21:00] brainfreeze: I know you didn't promise, but I like to work every angle I can to get a girl to show me around.
[21:12] HB: Haha I'm not really good at being the guide...trust me...you'll be so bored I promise
[21:29] brainfreeze: Well if you're a bad guide we can go to a bar and I'll escape out of the bathroom window, sounds fair?
[21:46] HB: There's no if, be prepared to do that haha, I hope you won't get stuck
[22:00] brainfreeze: Well let's do it then, how does a time between Christmas and new year sound? Tuesday or Wednesday I am free
[22:14] HB: Sorry..I can't do these two days, actually I'm not sure I'll be free until mid January cause I really want to go travel while at the same time I have 2 assignments
[22:35] brainfreeze: Ah, that sucks because my workload gets heavy in the late January too. But let's keep in touch, you had a very feminine energy and I liked talking to you so we can make something happen.

That was it, I intend to shoot her a text in mid January, but something tells me I could've persuaded her to meet me for at least a quick coffee to move things forward.

Any of you, feel free to take this to bits, I want to know what I missed or did wrong in this.

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” ― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Wasn't sure if she was enthusiastic about giving it me, and didn't want to text her, to respect her boundaries, but I thought 'hey, she can always ignore my first text'.

Fuck her "boundaries". As the guy that you are, you are giving her the opportunity to experience something great. If she knew this she wouldn't care about boundaries either. It is a privilege for her to get a text from you.

[17:14] brainfreeze: Hey there it's [brainfreeze], we met yesterday, it was fun meeting you if only briefly, did you find what you were shopping for?
[20:24] HB: Hi, yes I did, thanks for asking

Text her right away after getting the number. This keeps you fresh in her memory and associates you with in-person contact AND text communication. But this is a nice response by her.

[20:55] brainfreeze: Are you going to keep your promise of giving me a tour of the city, despite not knowing anything about it? I'm sure you can improvise haha

This is a big ask for her. She has to really reach out or be really interested in you to make this jump. Make it easy on her to respond. "I'm in your city, any place I just have to see?" Something like this is easier for her to respond to.

[21:00] brainfreeze: I know you didn't promise, but I like to work every angle I can to get a girl to show me around.

You are back-tracking and she recognizes that you are chasing. So she responds with an indicator of disinterest (IOD):

[21:12] HB: Haha I'm not really good at being the guide...trust me...you'll be so bored I promise

"Yes, I have ice cream for sale, but you wouldn't like this ice cream."

[21:29] brainfreeze: Well if you're a bad guide we can go to a bar and I'll escape out of the bathroom window, sounds fair?

You are just rewarding her bad behavior and giving her the incentive of meeting you for drinks after she said that she is no good? Essentially you are saying, "I know you're ice cream is no good, but I will accept it anyway. And what the hell maybe I will enjoy the shitty icecream and you will give me more." So she again gives another indicator of disinterest since you had rewarded her early disinterest before:

[21:46] HB: There's no if, be prepared to do that haha, I hope you won't get stuck
[22:00] brainfreeze: Well let's do it then, how does a time between Christmas and new year sound? Tuesday or Wednesday I am free

"Yes. Come on give me the ice cream. I will take any ice cream I can get."

[22:14] HB: Sorry..I can't do these two days, actually I'm not sure I'll be free until mid January cause I really want to go travel while at the same time I have 2 assignments

"I know you are desperate and haven't had ice cream for months. This ice cream isn't for you."

[22:35] brainfreeze: Ah, that sucks because my workload gets heavy in the late January too. But let's keep in touch, you had a very feminine energy and I liked talking to you so we can make something happen.

That was it, I intend to shoot her a text in mid January, but something tells me I could've persuaded her to meet me for at least a quick coffee to move things forward.

Any of you, feel free to take this to bits, I want to know what I missed or did wrong in this.

So great job on the approach and getting the number. The next part is to understand that romantic relationships are conditional. As in if you do something positive, then she does something positive. What you are mainly doing here is rewarding her bad behavior. She is telling you she isn't good for you and you are just insisting that she is.

For your next conversation, this one is done and it's over with this girl, you will want to reward all the positive behavior that she brings to you and deflect attention at all the negative attention. Here is an example:

[17:14] brainfreeze: Hey there it's [brainfreeze], we met yesterday, it was fun meeting you if only briefly, did you find what you were shopping for?[20:24] HB: Hi, yes I did, thanks for askingBrainfreeze: OMG that is awesome! I got the pink pants that I was looking for, doesn't it feel nice when shopping just goes perfect.
Her: Yeah lol blah blah blah
Brainfreeze: So I would like a tour guide for this Saturday at 1 p.m. Will you be able to make it?
Her: No unfortunately I cannot do then.
Brainfreeze: Oh ok then.
Her: But I can do Sunday. Will that work for you?
Brainfreeze: Yeah actually that will work for me.

Notice how the above doesn't reward her from not being able to make it on Saturday. This should be true of all of your communication with a woman. You are going to get more behavior of the actions that you reward and give attention to.

Keep on posting here as we all want to see these go better and better for you!

Comment

Its decent imo
You are in a good position to pitch spontaneous meets
You've laid some groundwork
And the girl is semi-curious (since she is keeping you in reserve)

I'd say just be pleased, don't think on it too much or get bitter
Its totally fine to be in a sort of stale position like that, so don't freak out
Thats just how girls are

err now to read what nova was saying just to check he isn't saying something conflicting
...
Hmm its solid, just hard for you to implement maybe?

He's talking about using more initiative, momentum, and solid framing, cuz he thinks you are coming across passive

In reality I don't think the girl has consciously labelled you as having failed, I think she assumes you are a bit shy
So she is creating windows for herself to escape from in case you push awkwardly (so don't)
She's probably being nice because she sees possible sexual utility in you, but a few mines to avoid

You do seem kinda innocent (in a nice way, that can be sexy)
I'd probably advise you to use that angle rather than do as nova suggests, cuz you are closer to success here if you play it in a "I have no baggage" kind of way
Just when you get free time, pitch some insta-meets plus always add on an enticing or silly reason to tempt her into looking at it positively

For example,
"Hey, finally found some free time, heading down to buy cookies, you getting any luck yourself?"

Just make sure and double check that it flows, seems positive, and is calibrated to make room for further little fun suggestions through the month
It'll keep you in her mind, and double as her seeing you as not too passive/shy,
It will also lay groundwork for her thinking of how she really does wanna meet up, so she''ll probably give you a time when she is free eventually