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Congress held hearings Thursday on the Bowl Championship
Series. This is what determines the college football national
champion. The only way Congress can justify its recent pay raise
is by working on the issues that really matter to the American people.

The Democrats held a candidate debate in Albuquerque
Thursday night. It was opposite the NFL season opener with its
lead-in concert by Britney Spears in hot pants. The next day, Bill
Clinton took a guess and said Howard Dean won the debate.

The Supreme Court hears oral arguments today on the McCain-
Feingold campaign finance reform. It's a matter of constitutional
rights. The justices will only uphold the law if they can be
convinced that McCain and Feingold are sleeping together.

Don Rumsfeld blasted Syria and Iran Thursday for failing to
stop terrorists from infiltrating Iraq. He can't believe any
country in this day and age cannot control its borders. Apparently
this is a man who's never been south of Kansas City.

The White House public tours resumed Wednesday after a two-
year shutdown. It includes the West Wing and the Oval Office.
These tours are so much more relaxed now that no one has to worry
about Bill Clinton suddenly appearing in his underwear.

The Democratic presidential candidates debated in
Albuquerque on Thursday. It was wild. In a shameless attempt to
pander to Hispanic voters, they hung Howard Dean from a hook on
the ceiling and took turns trying to make candy come out of him.

USA Today reported Tuesday that most Powerball lottery
winners stay on their jobs while collecting annual payments. Why
not? If a guy wants to sit around and do nothing for $150,000 a
year, he should have to run for Congress like everybody else.