This Company Will Dump A Steaming Load Of Poop On Your Bitch Of An Ex-Girlfriend’s Doorstep For $13

Remember back in elementary school when someone had a birthday, the party wasn’t an exclusive thing and instead the whole class got invited? Those were the goddamn worst. Not because I hate free cake or balloons or anything like that, but because I’d always get sucked into the following conversation with my parents:

“So-and-so’s birthday party is on Saturday, what should we get them?”
“I dunno.”
“Well what do they like?”
“I dunno.”
“How do you not know, aren’t you two friends?”
“No.”

It took about 3 years of this for my parents to finally catch onto the fact that I was a paste-gobbling weirdo who had 0 friends, but the discussion of “What cheap plastic piece of shit do we gift to this random child” always led to a trip to Wal-Mart that ended in me being a resentful little twat that my parents were shelling out money for a child who wasn’t me.

Had this poop-delivery company existed in the 90’s, I wouldn’t have had this problem. Not only would 6-year-old me have been like “Ha-ha POOP,” but I come from a fairly rural area, so the kid’s parents would’ve probably been like “What lovely fertilizer.”

A company called S***Express now offers the service of anonymously sending faeces to somebody you don’t like.

While we certainly do not suggest you do this, the company ships to almost anywhere in the world.

Other services do exist online for this sort of odd nefarious activity, but it hasn’t before been possible to do it without leaving some sort of paper trail.

S***Express only accept Bitcoin payments, which means it’s almost impossible to trace who the payment came from.

So for the price of £10.50, you can send horse manure (other manures are available) disguised as a present, along with a message for the unlucky recepient.

And off you go, discretely sending boxes full of shit to people as a big “Fuck you” to anyone and everyone who has ever wronged you. If this sounds like something you’d be into, click here to order and send your very own poop-filled gift box.