“A collection of profound and epic album reviews and musical articles by former astronaut and brain surgeon, Alasdair Kennedy. Reaching levels of poetry that rival Keats and Blake, the following reviews affirm Alasdair to be a prodigy, a genius and a god whose opinion is always objectively right. He is also without a doubt the most modest man in the universe.” - Alasdair Kennedy

Friday, 29 September 2017

No, this isn’t a Major Lazer cover. It’s something very
different. Set to scuzzy guitars and spooky fairgrounds organs, the Liverpool
rockers retaliate against all the lecherous fans that have been ogling their
butts at their shows. Even if you find the screechy overt feminism off-putting,
there’s something charming in how wacky this song is. Pink Kink have long been
touring but have only just started recording material. Let’s hope they record
more.

‘Cold war’ – Cautious Clay

Over a skeletal beat, this Brookyln-via-Washington-DC r&b
singer lays down some beautifully cryptic lyrics referencing everything from
video games to Tinder. Verses meanwhile are punctuated by reverb-drenched
choral harmonies. He even teases us with some sax at the end. It’s the most
seductive song about the Cold War that I’ve ever heard.

‘Novacane’ – ABRA

Dreamy r&b songstress ABRA is showing off her production
talents on this new song made up of cloudy synths and retro 808s. Whilst there
are vocals, they’re all digitally tampered with. ABRA's music already sounded futuristic - now it's entered excitingly alien territory.

We’ve barely exited summer, the shops have only just started
stocking up Halloween costumes, and Gwen Stefani has decided to drop a
Christmas single. Honestly, fuck off. To make matters worse, the song is tripe.

Monday, 25 September 2017

Having broken up and then un-broken up, US indie
electrorockers LCD Soundsystem are back to piss on your generation by reminding
you of your hapless existence whilst simultaneously encouraging you to dance to
your downfall.

By ‘your generation’, I mean both the young and the old. All
you millennial clubbers who live life aimlessly from weekend to weekend – ‘Tonite’
is your anthem. Meanwhile, all you middle-aged singletons still getting by on
one night stands – ‘American Dream’ is your anthem.

The bleak social commentary is delivered by James Murphy in
second person as if he is the ugly voice of truth in your head. Some of it hits
home hard: ‘you hate the idea that you’re
wasting your youth, but you stood in the background until you got older’. Yeah,
I know I’m the best blogger in the world and an astronaut and a brain surgeon,
but do you really have to remind me that I could have become a Hollywood actor
too if I really had tried when I was young.

Father John Misty’s Pure Comedy was supposed to be a
similarly cynical summary of the times we live in, but as witty as it was it
didn’t come across nearly as poignantly due to its third person narcissist position
as if he weren’t a part of the world he were describing.

Not only that, but Father John Misty chose dreary pianos and
dull folksy guitars to grumble over. Not like LCD Soundsystem, whose soundtrack
to the fall of man is set to relentlessly groovy New Wave. From the funky bass
and cowbell of ‘Other Voices’ to the pulsing synth and vocoders of ‘tonite’, American Dream revolves around hypnotic New-Order-like instrumentals that seem to suggest the only way to get through the murk
is to keep on dancing. Occasionally, the dark lyrics are matched with a
gloomier palette of sounds such as the menacing tribal drums of ‘How Do You
Sleep?’ or the throbbing funereal chords of Bowie tribute ‘Black Screen’, but
these dirges are still set to uptempo rhythms nonetheless. Depression’s never
been so danceable.

LCD Soundsystem have long been able to turn minimalism into
something epic and here they seem to have fine-tuned it to perfection. Fuelled
by doom, this is usually the kind of music I hate. But Murphy and co make it so
relatable and so infectious that you can’t help but get hooked.

Is there a week that goes by in which Kendrick isn’t
dropping a guest verse? This time he’s spitting Patois-infused bars alongside
North Carolina emcee Rapsody – some of you may know her from her incredible
feature on Kendrick’s 2015 TPAB track ‘Complexion’. Rapsody herself is
phenomenal rapper with an old-skool flow that’s nice a break from all the
female trap rappers. The funky beat is also extremely satisfying.

‘Teen Dream Woman’ –
Bad French

This strange duo claim to be from Paris, Australia. Geography
was never my strong point at school, but I’m pretty sure that’s not where Paris
is. ‘Teen Dream Woman’ sees singer Daniel Forsyth singing seductively over spacey
lounge bar electropop. Some chick starts speaking French towards the end of the
track and there’s some freaky interpretative dancing in the video to top it
off. What more could you possibly ask for?

‘English Weather’ - Fick
as Fieves

‘English Weather’ is the perfect song to celebrate the
spectacularly shite September we’ve been having. But honestly, I’m not
interested in the lyrics - have you heard the riffs? It’s like Ram Jam’s ‘Black
Betty’ just collided with an Arctic Monkeys track. Plus, there’s a cool part
where the guitar sounds like a harmonica. It’s bluesy indie at its best.

‘Whatever Forever’ –
Sego

Bored of doing the same things over and over again? LA rock
group Sego’s ‘Whatever Forever’ perfectly captures this sense of cyclic ennui
accompanied by a restlessly looping riff. It’s both frustrated and apathetic,
which is basically my permanent emotional state.

‘White Gum’ – Iglooghost

This hectic EDM mindfuck from Iglooghost is likely to be too
much for some people. It’s a trap-garage-glitch hybrid that refuses to sit
still for a split-second, throwing pitch-shifted sped-up rapping, digital
percussion blasts, melodised clangs and all manner of other noises at the
listener. You’ll either be mesmerised by it, or it will give you an anxiety
attack.

THE WORST:

‘The Gate’ - Bjork

Hookless warbling over unmelodic directionless electronica
is a step too far even for a pretentious blogger like myself. The video is
pretty captivating though – it’s a healthy alternative to LSD.

Saturday, 16 September 2017

This new single from shoegazey Chicago duo Silver Liz is
barely two minutes. Some shoegaze songs have intros that are longer than that.
But two minutes is all Silver Liz need to piece together an epic build-up.
Tremulous chords follow an unpredictable chord pattern whilst Carrie’s ghostly
voice hangs in the background. These then break away for a huge climax of
howling guitars.

'Like Lightning' –
Cosmo Calling

This is some highly danceable indie rock. Danceable, but without a synthesizer in sight. The bouncy vocal harmonisation and slick guitars that this Manchester-based
band play with are enough to make you want to get up on your feet and spill
your beer everywhere. Using synths to build grooves is for amateurs. Fuck
synths (he says before featuring two EDM singles).

'One Life' – SHVRDZ
(ft. Aerborn)

This Brisbane producer/singer pairing recorded and mixed this
hypnotic EDM banger in the space of two days with nothing but a laptop and a
mic. The shrill wubs caught me off guard – the beginning is so melodic that I
wasn’t expecting such a stupendously filthy drop.

The bizarrely-named Californian producer Giraffage has
teamed up with equally-bizarrely-named indie songstress Japanese Breakfast. The
dreamy opening chords drew me in and are probably the best bit, although the
distant vocals and twinkling synths that follow are definitely pretty too.

THE WORST:

‘Wit it’ – Lanze

SOMEBODY GIVE THIS DUDE AN INHALER. This Cincinnati rapper sounds exhausted and after a minute of listening to him I feel exhausted too.
That said, his asthma attack flow is creative and I can see all the mumble rap
fans bumpin’ this in the whip in months to come.

‘90s Kids’ – Shamir

Shamir’s written some groovy tunes in the past and upon
hearing the Windows 95 startup sound I was pretty psyched for something cute
and nostalgic, but sadly this song ends up just being a corny millennial
whinge-fest that irritates even a 90s kid like myself.

Tuesday, 12 September 2017

Okay, that description’s a tad harsh. ‘Bowie-worship’ makes
it sound like I don’t enjoy the fact that Josh Homme now sounds like Bowie,
when in fact that’s one of the highlights of this record. As for
‘badly-produced’, well, I have a feeling Mark Ronson didn’t just so happen to
fuck up the mastering by spilling coffee on the mixing board. The production is
intentionally supposed to sound this tinny and some listeners don’t seem to
mind it. But for me, it’s a real barrier.

Villains follows
much in the same vein as the rockers’ last album Like Clockwork…, which saw the band trading in catchy crowd-pleasing
guitar anthems for meditative gloomy dirges. The lyrics continue to be as dark,
lingering on topics of death but with a touch of humour behind them. They’re
some of Homme’s most inventive to date – the singer even going so far as to
invent his own words on numerous occasions to get his point across such as ‘macaberet’
and ‘screwicide’.

Homme’s lyrics aren’t the only aspect that’s more creative. Instrumentally,
these songs are also kookier, as exemplified from the start with opener ‘Feet
Don’t Fail Me’, which begins with sci-fi synths and a hammering drum like some
mutated version of the Flash Gordon soundtrack, before erupting into a stomping
guitar groove. ‘Head Like A Haunted House’ meanwhile is a Dead-Kennedys-like punk
jam, whilst ‘Hideaway’ rides a Bowie-esque synth sporting a spacey ‘Ashes to
Ashes’ feel (there’s Bowie vibes all over this album).

Of course, the band have also decided to get creative with
the production, which is where my praises for this record end. The second track
‘The Way You Used To’ feels like it could have been an upbeat dance-worthy rock
gem if it wasn’t over-compressed to sound as flat as a toad on a motorway. And
then there’s the end of ‘Un-Reborn Again’, which sees all the instruments
coming into the mix for what could have been an epic crescendo if Mark Ronson
hadn’t dampened it by turning down the volume knob.

This is the producer who gave us ‘Uptown Funk’, so there’s
no reason the production should sound this flaccid other than Mark wanting it
to sound like that. Josh Homme and crew must have decided they liked it too. And
some fans and critics don’t seem to be phased. To me, it may as well be a tasty
spicy dish with a jar of cream dumped in – it’s got no kick. It’s a hypercar
with a speed limiter on it. It’s Floyd Mayweather with no arms. It’s a decaffeinated
espresso shot. It’s sex in the dark.

Friday, 8 September 2017

THE BEST:'What You Gonna Do' - Nemi
What you gonna do? Preferably hit that play button - because this song's quite something. Its a moody electro-pop song of sorts with an almost avant-garde beat and wispy vocals that will make you think you're being possessed. It's fucking weird and totally my thing.

‘My Body’ – Saunas

My Hawaiian t-shirt is on. As is my hula dress. I don’t care
if summer’s over. From the opening tropical percussion, I knew this single from
Nashville indie pop act Saunas was going to be fun. CORRECTION: it’s
‘beach-wave’ not indie pop. Get it right, Alasdair.

‘Holy Books’ – Death From Above

‘I don’t go for no
holy books/ Those ancient rhymes, they ain’t got no hooks’. Fuzzy-guitar
loving duo Death From Above certainly aren’t the first rock band to bash
religion, but they’re still able to give it their own spin with a marvellously witty
chorus. The riffs meanwhile make me want chop logs with my bare hands.

‘2017 07 04’ –
Kaytranada

The Canadian-Haitian producer just released three untitled
beats on Soundcloud and they’re all pretty damn sexy. This one is my personal
fave. Aside from the slinky bassline and glistening chords, it’s got a nice
rough edge to it. The king of smooth production has sandblasted his sound and it
still bangs.

‘Los Ageless’ – St. Vincent

St. Vincent has gone full-on pop. This latest groovy number
didn’t really hook me for the first minute (staring at a butt can be
distracting), but then that lavish chorus came in and reeled me in. It’s a vast
improvement from her previous single ‘New York’. Annie has also released the tracklist for her new album and not all the song titles are inspired by US
cities. I have a feeling it will all be devoid of distorted guitars, but if it’s
more pop jams of this calibre I don’t mind.

THE WORST:

‘Goofy’ – Lil Durk ft. Future & Jeezy

I’m gonna pretend Future’s warbling about the Disney
character, because no way is ‘goofy’ the new street slang term.

Monday, 4 September 2017

The long-time fans don’t like it. But I’m not a long-time
fan. The band’s early indie stuff – the anthemic guitars and woo chants – always struck me as a little
toothless and dreary (sorry). It was only on their last LP Reflektor that the group converted me by slipping on their dancing
shoes and embracing disco. Almost half the songs were two minutes too long, but
they made up for it with satisfyingly sexy grooves.

On Everything Now,
they’ve trimmed down the songs. They’ve also
gotten groovier and goofier. The Pitchfork-loving purist indie kids have been
turning their nose up at it - what’s Win Butler doing singing ‘I’ll be your Peter Pan’ over half-distorted
reggae? I can understand why they don't dig it, but for me it's a huge improvement. From the Bowie-esque
inflections and shining piano riff of ‘Everything Now’ to the hypnotic
synthline and Abba-like chorus of ‘Put Your Money On Me’, these are some of
Arcade Fire’s most infectious and colourful tunes to date.

I’ll agree, some of the political messages are a little ham-fisted.
‘Creature Comfort’ begins bleakly and bluntly with the lines ‘Someboys
hate themselves spending their lives resenting their fathers/ some girls hate
their bodies, stand in the mirror and wait for the feedback’ – something you’d
expect from an emo band, certainly not accompanied by danceable electronica. The
lyrical content of ‘Infinite Content’ meanwhile is ironically very limited.

Fortunately, these lyrics don’t distract from the album’s
sense of fun. Even if Win is singing about suicidal teens over upbeat
synthesizers, it doesn’t feel like he’s preaching at us or making light of the
subject – it just feels slightly jarring at worst. Judging from the way people are talking about this album's lyrics, you'd think they'd just listened to the new Lil Yachty album. Trust me, that isn't the case - it's probably just too poppy for the indie kids. There aren't enough dreary guitars and woo chants for them.

Friday, 1 September 2017

This groovy off-kilter rock song comes courtesy of Leeds
trio Caro. I was already satisfied with the skittish guitars and vocal earworms
and then that section at 1:06 came along and gave me an out of body experience.
I have a feeling this band have an album on the way, so I’m keeping my ear (and
my eyes) to the ground.

‘Exclusivity’ –
Leonie Sherif

Over a frenetic instrumental layered in synths and 808s, UK alt
R&B singer Leonie Sherif lays some infectious and breathy vocal harmonies.
The result is like listening to Destiny’s Child over futuristic production.

‘Houses’ – The Duke
Spirit

Longing vocals and psychedelic guitar twangs make up this
beautifully haunting song from London rockers The Duke Spirit. There’s a sense
of nostalgia to it, but it’s a nostalgia for an experience I never had. The random
retro footage of people dancing helps.

‘Provider’ – Frank Ocean

‘Is you a natural
blondie like Goku?’ I don’t know what Frank is harking on about but he sure
makes it sound good.

THE WORST:

‘Look What You Made
Me Do’ – Taylor Swift

The chorus is catchy but only because the melody's stolen from ‘I’m
Too Sexy For My Shirt’ (which is all I think about when listening to this now).
And this whole new bad bitch act from Taylor is about as easy to swallow as Katy
Perry’s recent wake-up-sheeple phase.

‘Masturbation’ - Princess Vitarah

This monstrosity of a song is enough to put anyone off
masturbating for life.