Being Together Should Stay In The Past

So, you’ve broken up with your boyfriend. No matter how things were when you were together, or how they ended, this is likely to be a tough time for you. You may be feeling sad, lonely, hurt, and many more negative emotions.

When it comes to deciding whether or not to get back your ex, there will be a lot running through your mind. You will probably find it very easy to think of reasons why you should. After all, if you were together in the first place, there was something there at one time. Maybe this was a strong fondness or even love. Maybe he made you laugh, and feel special, or supported you in your career. But what about the reasons why you should not? When you are sad and hurting, these things may be far harder to pinpoint.

That is where this guide steps in.

The fact is, there are more than enough reasons out there why should not want to get back together. There are several very solid and undeniable reasons why you should not want to get back with your ex. We’ll discuss three prime examples of these. The first, emotional abuse, is a form of abuse some have trouble recognizing as a legitimate form. We’ll explain exactly what it is, and why it can be so damaging. Of course, we’ll also take a look at physical abuse. While generally far easier to pinpoint as a factor in your relationship, realizing that it was not your fault is just as hard. Finally, we’ll take a look at a very insidious form of abuse, and that of men who try to controlyou and your life.

The first point is regarding how he made you feel emotionally and as a human being. Abuse comes in many different forms and is not just about the physical side of things. Mental and emotional abuse can be just as damaging, even if it can be delivered in far more subtle ways. His effect on your mental state may have been almost imperceptible. But did he mock you, or humiliate you, or laugh at you unkindly? Did he make you feel like less a person than before- less capable of achieving things and tasks? If any of things ring true for you, you need to start working on ways to feel better without him. There may be real feelings of guilt here for you. You may feel like you must have done something to deserve this kind of treatment. To speed up the realization that it wasn’t you- and to aid your recovery- consider seeing a counselor. Having another, impartial person to see things for what they were will be so useful.

Of course, physical abuse is another undeniable reason why getting back together is a huge no-no. Even if it was him who broke up with you, he did you a huge favor in doing so. You deserve to be with a person who treats your body like a temple, not a punching bag. We’ve already discussed the benefits of seeing a counselor. As well as looking into this, also decide upon a friend you can confide in. They should be someone who can listen without judging or making the conversation about them. However scared you may feel now, you’re sure to feel better after confiding in the right person. Let them take care of you, and feel the warmth and love they give you in return. You deserve it. One day in the future, you will be in another relationship with someone who treats you in the right way. When there, you’ll be able to see just how wrong your ex was in his behavior.

On the other hand, what he may have done to you is something far more subtle. He may have controlled you and your life. This might have come across in the fact that he controlled how you dressed, did you hair or wore your makeup. He may have tried to dictate who you did and did not spend time with. Spotting this kind of behavior is more difficult. But did you feel like you had to keep certain things from him, in order to not upset him or make him mad? Did you change parts of yourself to please him? This counts as abuse too. You should be with someone who loves you just the way you are. He should never try and take away your independence or free will.

When it comes to What to do if your ex is dating someone else now? It has to be your decision about whether or not you speak to his new girl about his previous behavior or not. You may want a totally clean break, which is understandable. However, if you feel like you want to speak to her, go ahead. Consider writing her a letter or email. This allows to get all your thoughts in order and say exactly what you want to. Just always be sure you are staying safe, and not putting yourself at risk. When deciding whether or not to do or say something, ask yourself this. “If someone had messaged me when me and my ex first got together, would I have listened”. If your answer is yes, try and figure out what it is the would have said that would have convinced you. If the answer is no, do the same. If she chooses to ignore you, or not believe you, that is her prerogative.

It is your prerogative to live a happy and healthy life. Sure, you may miss your ex massively. But know that being without him is far preferable to being with him if he behaves or acts in any of the ways listed above. Your mind, body, soul and personality deserves better.

Recognize these reasons if they existed, and walk away for good. Walk into the arms of a counselor, a close friend and into the arms of self-acceptance and self-love.

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8 Comments

I can honestly see how this post is going to help so many people going through tough breakups right now. It’s like it’s the mantra your best friend gives you when you call them after a breakup and they say all the right things you need to hear to keep strong. Great stuff!

If I had a post like this back in the very early days of when I was starting out in relationships, this would have so so so helped me so much. Seriously. Such a great well written post. Thank you for sharing x

Great advice Glenda. So important to remember to put yourself first. You have to take care of your physical and mental well being, and if a certain guy doesn’t fit into that, you have to leave him behind!

About Me

Style, Travel and Love.

Oh hey! I’m Glenny! Founder and content creator of COAS. If you haven’t guessed it, I’m a big foodie. Having an ENFJ personality, I am also a Creative Director where I help other bloggers through 1:1 mentorship to achieve their goals! I like to travel the world visiting hidden gems for the must-try restaurants & hotels while still trying to stay stylish. Other than that, I’m also a big nerd and child at heart who loves watching anime and playing video games!