Monogamy, often compared to being the light at the end of the long and murky tunnel of dating.

The result is exclusivity for the remainder of your life.

Having grown up on the fairy tale romance of my parents and continuing to witness the interactions between two people who not only are best friends, but are deeply in love, I have a somewhat lofty ideal of what a relationship should resemble.

Alongside that, there was infidelity in my marriage, and I have experienced first hand the damage and impact that can have on existing and future relationships.

Combine these experiences, and it isn’t hard to make the connection between my personal feelings and monogamy.

But what if you’re a part of the population unsatisfied with a relationship, yet unwilling to leave it?

Recently I was sent a book written by Alicia M. Walker, an assistant professor in the department of Sociology and Anthropology at Missouri State University. The book was titled The Secret Life of the Cheating Wife.

I was reluctant to read it, but professional curiosity got the better of me, and I settled in for an evening of insight into the minds of women involved in cheating.

My first impression was that there seemed little difference between the dating process and finding someone with whom to have an affair.

The group sampled users of the site Ashley Madison which had the infamous slogan “Life is short, have an affair”.

But the behaviours of the men described could have been from any dating site. Bad photos, little attention paid to profiles, generic messages, and vulgar reaction to rejection.

My second impression was that size does matter, at least, when seeking out an affair.

One can only draw the conclusion that if you seek what you’re missing from your primary relationship, you’re not willing to settle for similar circumstances in an outside relationship.

My third impression was the certain magic quality to an affair.

It’s reminiscent of when you first met someone, spending the extra hour grooming to ensure perfection, and of when that effort was reciprocated.

Excitement and chemistry abound, not laundry, chores and shared spaces with someone’s flatulence.

Why a woman would commit infidelity was somewhat backed by the theory that expectations on relationships have never before been higher, and that it seems relatively impossible to find everything you desire in one person.

These women were not looking to leave their primary relationships, rather, they were looking for the thing missing from them.

They saw a distinction between sex and love.

Despite being rational enough to see the valid points raised in the book, as suspected, my thoughts regarding the topic of infidelity remain unchanged.

I still believe that one person will be my all, and that I won’t require partners outside of that to achieve it.

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