January 18, 2011

Are you dating a beautiful woman who owns a cat and loves it to pieces? Valentine’s Day is creeping up and you may have to step up to the plate to show you accept her and her feline friend.

If you are ready but you’re a dog person or have never spent much time around cats there are a few rules you need to know. There are several laws that pertain to cats that do not apply to other animals. By abiding to the Law of Cat, you’ll win her heart, her admiration, and you might be lucky enough to win over the cat. If you fail, you will find yourself alone in your apartment eating microwavable mac and cheese and playing video games… ALONE.

The Law Of Cat:

1: A cat moving will keep moving. If you are also heading in the same direction, do not interfere with the cat’s path. You will unintentionally step on its tail, foot, or get the look of death.

2: All clothing, especially black, will be christened with cat hair. To show distaste and use a lint roller to remove said cat hair will result in distaste from the cat and the owner. Plus it will be an unsuccessful mission. You’d have better luck digging for dinosaur bones in a backyard.

3: Shoelaces, necklaces, and other dangling strings belong to the cat. If the cat wants to spend an hour untying your shoe, let her. Retie it so she can do it again. If you discourage the cat you may never get another date.

4: A cat at rest will remain at rest. Do not remove the cat from the sofa, bed, or other surface. The cat will not budge. It is a losing battle. Again, if you are caught trying to remove the cat, you’ll never get another date.

5: NEVER SLEEP IN THE CAT’S SPOT ON THE BED IF STAYING THE NIGHT. You will find your clothing doubly covered in cat hair.

6: It is a well known fact that all cats must sleep with people. In fact, they will sleep between people to absorb all heat. All body heat belongs to the cat. All cuddles belong to the cat.

7: The cat will always be present for any meals that are served. The cat will observe and expect a small taste. Do not shoo the cat away. You will be shooed away shortly after eating and never invited back.

8: If you try too hard to call a cat over to you to impress your date, you will find that the cat’s level of disinterest is in proportion to your effort. If you ignore the cat completely, you will find you will no longer be dating.

9: A cat will find a lap to sit on. Accept it. Do not try to move the cat or cross your legs. You will end up needing a band aid and peroxide.

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