May 27, 2011

This Is the Last Time.......

As another shot of pain shot through her, she thought this is the last time I will have to go through this.

When she found out she was pregnant she was so excited. They had been trying to conceive for six months and she could hardly wait to tell her husband that he was going to be a Daddy. In the beginning all she could think about was a sweet little baby boy or girl to love.

They spent months looking at baby names and finally picked James for a boy and Elizabeth for a girl. When it was time to find out the sex of the baby, Daddy was thrilled to hear that a little James was on the way. Now the real fun could begin and they started buying boy clothes and toys. Her husband even bought a baseball mitt that wouldn’t fit for at least six years. But he was too excited for her to bring up that point and let him buy it.

As the months went by she became more aware of the baby’s exit strategy. She wondered if it was going to hurt as bad as she imagined. Her mother says you forget but if that was really true, why do all the women around her keep telling their horror labor stories? She was pretty sure that all of womankind was lying to her when they said you forget the pain. They just want the species to continue.

An hour into her labor she was using her breathing techniques and was handling the pain fine. The nurses assured her that she could handle the pain. After all, women have been giving birth for thousands of years. As the pain continued to increase her breathing techniques were not doing any good. Why did she take that stupid class anyway?

When she went into transition, she realized that this was much worse than any pain she could have ever imagined. Women were liars! There is no way she would ever forget this pain! Why didn’t she take the drugs? Why do they keep saying it’s too late for drugs? The baby isn’t here yet so it can’t be too late. And how did she get here? Why was this happening to her?

Just a few hours ago she was at what was supposed to be a routine OB visit. Everything was looking great and she had a month to go. But when her doctor went to listen to the baby’s heart, there wasn’t one. Now she had to make her final, painful push and it would be all over. Next time it would be different. Next time she wouldn’t go through all this pain for nothing.

She was wrong.

This post was written for the red writing hood at the red dress club. The prompt: ﻿﻿Write a short piece – 600 words max – that begins with the words, “This was absolutely the last time” and ends with “She was wrong.”

So very personal, sharing this kind of pain.When I was just a few months pregnant and we'd heard the baby's heartbeat, at the next visit they couldn't find it. I was hysterical, and they quickly found a different nurse who was much better with the machine. Fortunately, she found it right away, and that baby is now a healthy 3yo!The scare of thinking I'd lost her was unbearable. I can not imagine what a woman would go through with such a loss.