Not Surprising at All: Hospital Administrator Has Dog Named Kudos

NEW ORLEANS, LA – Tulane Medical Center hospital administrator Luke Moneybags confirmed with Gomerblog this morning that, yes, he indeed has a dog and his name, as we all expected, is Kudos. This is not breaking news, not by a long shot.

“How did you know?” Moneybags asked, genuinely touched.

It is common knowledge that health care professionals have always assumed that if any hospital administrator or anyone in the C-suite had a dog it would most definitely have the name of Kudos. We decided to ask Moneybags to see if these assumptions had any validity. Turns out they do.

“A hospital administrator’s dog can’t go by any other name than Kudos, it just can’t,” explained Dr. Wilma Charles, a National Institutes of Health (NIH) who specializes in the study of hospital administrators and their quirks. “In the case of Moneybags, it happens to be a Jack Russell. But it doesn’t matter what type of dog the administrator owns. It could be a Great Dane, German Shepherd, or a Golden Retriever. Whatever the dog, it will be named Kudos.”

Health care professionals have always believed that role of the hospital administrator is to bestow a surplus of kudos to anyone who is in his or her good graces to receive it. In fact, many physicians believe that they have so many kudos that the only way to relieve themselves of it is to not only bestow kudos upon their families and friends, but to also bequeath the title of Kudos in the formality of a pet name.

“For all we know,” Charles continued, “administrators could have goldfish, dolphins, or maybe children named Kudos. We have not met any of them just yet, but we truly believe they are out there, those hidden kudos.”

Charles’ next project will investigate whether or not all cardiologists have a dog named Plavix.

First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.