Friday, September 12, 2014

What about tomorrow

Sometimes, Gage scared even himself.

Oh, he really didn't love all this family togetherness ever so suddenly at home. His Dad. Ren. All of them were making all too much out of this. He hadn't saved anyone, except himself and of course, Macy.

When he thought of her, all he saw was this little girl..he needed to protect. Not a young woman. It was weird.

And he knew he'd do something to sabotage whatever this was with his Dad.

Gage wanted to be loved. He needed love, but he wasn't so sure he deserved it. Not when he thought of his past. Even this week. Especially, at the grocery store. Wondering if he'd actually done those things, or was it other people?

It was a fair question.

He seldom thought of the Gage who burned things. Yes, he had had a fascination of burning things since he was a small child. Now, it felt like a ghost inside him that rarely ever haunted him. He didn't have the time nor the energy to do it.

Besides, he was OK now. Still, he could sense it, he knew if he got too close to Macy, someone else would take over and God knows what might happen to Macy. Could be a repeat of what went down with Halie. Gage couldn't have that.

So, he'd ignored her calls. Wouldn't say a word to her now. Besides, the grocery store was closed for repairs and there was school. His Dad had Ren. He just hoped they'd settle down. They already had a special dinner for him. Carson was over with his girlfriend. Actually, Gage thought he might sleepwalk through the whole ordeal.

People really didn't make over him. There was nothing to make over when it came to him. He felt himself close off from the rest. Except he was wide awake and fully aware of everyone.

"What's wrong, son?" His dad wanted to know after Carson and Essie went on their way. The fried chicken was leftover in a container in the fridge and the ice cream cake was in the freezer.

"I'm fine. I am." Gage nodded as if this was the only way to get through this. Forget. Go on. Repeat.

"No, you are not fine. You..you survived a tornado and you helped all those people." His Dad told him.

Gage looked at him numb, not really knowing what his Dad was talking about.

"It was nothing, really." Gage slightly smiled. He was telling him the truth. He didn't remember. He was not one who helped other people. Must have been someone else.

Of course, he did recall Macy blabbing about it like there was no tomorrow. He guessed he had rescued more people than just Macy. He just couldn't talk about it.

"Son, don't you want to tell me something. Something about that girl named Halie." His father looked at him as if he might put Gage in a hypnotic state.

Gage froze. His Dad knew about Halie.

Gage felt his heartbeat flutter, as if it might actually stop.

"Oh God." His fingers covered his face before he could let his Dad see what he'd really done. "I didn't want to say anything..." He started. But then he couldn't go on. His Dad had his arm around him. Gage choked on tears. "She lost the baby." He choked.