What You’ve Missed

The Ex That Won’t Go Away

The other day I was reading an article on Madame Noire about why exes like to make random appearances after you’ve already moved on with your life. It may not always be an ex lover, maybe just someone that you were talking to briefly. Either way it goes, I found the article to be kind of funny, mostly because it’s true: ex flames just have this radar that tells them that you are happy without them so they have to reach out to try to ruin your life again. It has happened to me (a few times) and even to Lorenzo once we started dating.

I don’t like to be confrontational with people (I tend to yell a lot when I have to be) so I am a huge fan of ignoring people. Is it immature? Yes, a little, but I don’t feel like I need to explain my choices to anyone- especially someone I want nothing to do with. I’m not a fan ofchanging phones numbers to avoid someone-I’ve had the same number since 2003 and I refuse to give it up. Ignoring people has worked well for me. If I got into a fight with a guy I was seeing and stopped speaking to them for a few days, at first, I would get nasty voicemail and text messages-but I knew it was only to get me upset just enough to respond. Eventually it would stop…and maybe…just maybe a year later I might get a random text message. That’s when I would respond, “Who is this?” (because I really didn’t know- I delete numbers) sometimes the guy’s ego would kick in and they wouldn’t text back but I had one guy who got mad because I deleted his number. I told him that I deleted it because there is no reason for me to have it and that he could delete my number as well. And that’s that.

Lorenzo used to get emails and text messages from one girl in particular while we were dating. They were seeing other in 2009, and Lorenzo and I started seeing each other in 2011. The contact was very sportatic, from a girl who really never made time for him when they were “seeing each other”. First there was a passive-aggressive email that he ignored, then two months later around New Years the “I don’t want to start the New Year on a bad note but if you don’t want to speak to me then I’ll leave you alone” text (I’ve gotten a few of those myself) which he also ignored. A year later we were engaged another email, but this time I told him to respond. He told her the didn’t want to hear from her and that he was engaged. No, that wasn’t enough..about 8 months later another email. He didn’t want to respond again and I didn’t make a big deal of it, but we haven’t heard from her since.

Lorenzo and I do not have any contact with our exes. Neither of us has children from a prior relationship so that makes it easier. I don’t get upset with him if any of his exes try to reach out to him, he always tells me and he always asks me how he should handle it (and vice versa). I’ve only had one ex pop up since we’ve been together. You know, the ex, the one that your whole family loved and never really seems to go away (no matter how far you move). He emailed me expressing concern about me having to go to Africa to deal with the Ebola crisis. I didn’t have to go but he didn’t know that because I haven’t spoken to him in 6 years. Even though Lorenzo told me to respond, I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to open that door. Everything with him always seems so innocent at first, but the minute, no the second he hears something he doesn’t like, all hell breaks loose. We didn’t end on a good note so I don’t know why he would even attempt to try to talk to me.

I am the type of person who can forgive and forget, but that doesn’t mean that I want that person in my life. I can forgive you, never speak to you again, and be okay. That’s kind of how I like it.