With government cheese, everything is a wedge issue

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“Our goal is for the Senate to take its obligation to the American public seriously,” said Burleigh. “American women should be lining up with their Senate kneepads on to demand respect for women in positions of power.”

The federal General Services Administration has hired a high-tech Swiss cuisine corporation to serve meals at the Congressional cafeteria, in the hopes that a neutral refreshment provider will keep Democrats and Republicans from killing each other.

The pardon for Roseanne was floated after ABC rehired her for calling Dinesh D’Souza a “monkey’s uncle” and then fired her again when she said Martha Stewart was a “feckless cunt” who should be in prison.