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I could literally write a book on this ten year mess of a relationship, but I'll spare everyone and try to keep it fairly short. When I got to know her years ago, I thought I had finally found a woman who was emotionally balanced and upbeat. Turns out, I found someone who actually has a bunch of undiagnosed mental disorders. Based on our combined knowledge of psychology and the most torment personal study on mental disorders in a relationship, she probably has OCD, Asperger's Syndrome, General Anxiety Disorder, Depression, etc, and she has refused to get help for them.

These things started to show up a few months into the relationship and progressively got worse. Incredibly negative towards me; insane arguments over absolutely nothing, every day. I'm not a confrontational person in relationships and I like to keep the peace, but whoever created the phrase "it takes two to tangle" never lived with an Aspie. You don't argue, and they continue to try to argue with you and only increase the level of their hysteria. They follow you around, unplug whatever it is you're using, try to block you from leaving the room, chase you out to your car, bang on your car windows when you leave, etc.

There's a billion different things about her that drive me crazy, but I won't go into them all. We've been living together for about five years in a house I've been building. It was dumb to ever get into a situation of building a house together in the first place. Now, neither of us can move out. She took out a loan on a car this summer and it was more than she could handle, so I've had to let her borrow more money at times instead of pay back her share of the utilities. So, there's no way she could afford rent. And my money is going to my new truck, the utilities, finishing the house, and trying to save up money to buy a travel trailer and leave the state later this year.
I let her know how I feel a year ago, and she wanted another chance to make things better. One major thing was that instead of being super clean because of OCD, she's a bit more like a hoarder. Moldy food, stacks of dishes in the sink for months, piles of clothes, boxes full of who knows what that need to be sorted/thrown out.

Being in a physical and social situation like this has taken a lot out of me and I don't know how to get rid of her any time soon. I love her, but more than anything, I pity her, and I fell out of love a long time ago. I try to stay positive about my life. I'm a pretty resilient person, but when you're caged with a depressed, high anxiety, drama creating, mess making being, it takes everything I have to just not feel dead inside sometimes. If I'm ever watching a movie or hear a song that makes me feel a small flicker of what it was like to be in love with someone, it's like seeing sunlight through a jail cell window that has been blocked off so long, you forgot what you were missing.

I've asked her to get help over the years, and she's always put it off for one reason or another. This past summer, she finally said she wanted to get help, and then, she did what she always does with things and just put it off and put it off. By the time she got around to it, she didn't have any money and said she thinks the therapists around here suck anyway. It wouldn't even matter at this point any way because I'm just burnt out on our relationship. I don't think there's anything she could do to fix the damage that has been done.

TL;DR - Girlfriend of 10 years has mental disorders that have plagued our relationship. We've (I've) been building/living in a house together for 5 years and she can't afford to move out. She feels dead inside; I'm doing what I can to not let it destroy me.

At some point you need to worry about yourself and leave her to her own devices. It will be hard, but can you honestly forsee yourself another 10 years down the line with this type of toxic influence every day?

If you have more than two years left to pay off the cars, sell them and downgrade. PM me if you want some tips on how to do this.

I know this doesn't address the emotional/ relational issues here, but it might start to address the financial circumstances that are adding weight to your problems. Money problems make everything worse, and it sounds like your situation is stressful enough. Let me know if you want some further advice; my wife and I have been reforming our financial habits over the last year, we got some financial counseling, and I have learned a lot of really important stuff.

Thanks, but I need the truck for pulling a tailor. I'm doing ok on money/bills, but only if I'm not trying to pay rent instead of living in my own house. I'll shoot you a pm, though, because my gf has been missing some payments and I think she needs to downgrade.

Why are you still with her? It sounds like this relationship is making you miserable. I know it's hard to get out of a long term relationship even when it starts to go south (I've been there) but at some point it's something you need to do.

Well, I let it drag on because there was literally no where for either of us to go, and she wanted more chances to improve her behavior/attitude, so I figured what's it really hurt? I mean, we hardly spend time together at all anymore, so it's not like I can really get away from her much more than I already am. Most of our time is just in passing in the house. I work nights; she works days, and I've told her I don't even like being around her most of the time because she just starts shit. She just started some crazy argument on facebook with me while I was at work, and I told her, "The sooner we can part ways, the better off we'll both be. I don't want to deal with this drama anymore. I want you to get help, but I'm not the one who can give it to you."

That said, I feel like I need to get even more blunt with her, and completely extinguish all hope of us having any chance, so we can at least start to try to move on emotionally even though we're stuck in this house right now.

It hurts you if for no other reason than that you could be with someone else, or at least looking for someone else. Someone who you will work well with. It also sounds like it's causing you a lot of stress, and that's just not healthy long term.

I do think you need to be blunt, and I think it's going to be a mess. Put the police non emergency number and a suicide hotline on speed dial before you do anything.

Would it be possible to break up with her but not kick her out? Does your house have two bedrooms? Obviously this is not the ideal situation, but it doesn't sound like there is an easy solution here. At least that way you can start to emotionally disconnect from her, and help her to become self sufficient (it might help to draw up an agreement on rent and bills and to spell out how much much she needs to save every month until she can move out). Having a set date for her to move out by might help spur her to save as well.

This all depends on if you think she would agree to this, but it doesn't sound like she has the ability to move out right now so she probably doesn't have a choice. I imagine this would result in a lot of arguing, given her mental conditions, but if you stick to your guns and tell her it's over, at least you can imagine some peace at the end of this.

Also, this might be complicated by living together for so long as well, I don't know what common law marriage laws are like where you live, could she claim half of your house or support payments? Obviously if she can, it changes everything and you'll need to talk to a lawyer. Best of luck to you.

Thanks. Yeah, we're already sleeping in separate rooms. I sleep in my home office, and she sleeps in hers or the actual bedroom. I'm not worried about her trying to take half of the house because I know she doesn't want to. She just wants a clean break if/when we break up and she realizes I have put a lot more into this house than she has. This is coming to a head and we will just be awkward roommates before long.

I've been in a relationship that was unhealthy before. It was depressing and I couldn't understand how loving him wasn't enough.

As harsh as this sounds, if you aren't happy, you have the right to leave. It doesn't matter what she did, or said, or what you did, or said. It's in the past. All you can do is learn from it and apply that knowledge to your life from now on.

I doubt you'll read this but that's exactly how people with Asperger's Syndrome are. They have OCD, they argue with you for no apparent reason mostly because their routine has changed. They do have anxiety mostly becasue again a change in routine or something else. They are often depressed becasue of the Asperger's Syndrome and they can't help it because it's in the brain. It's a form of Austism. They are also procrasinators which means that it's part of the social anxiety. People with Asperger's Syndrome don't do well in social situations, their expressions may seem like they are mad but they are really not. They don't know how to express themselves and will do in a way they think is right. Again it's in the brain. I'm happy to help with you want to talk more.

lol, I actually changed my title from "I can't get rid of her" to "I can't get away from her," because I didn't want it to sound murdery. I believe she's a good person deep inside that fucked up head of hers, but she's not someone I want to be around anymore.

Thats how I feel about my ex-wife. But I think I was wrong. She has no soul. Can you murder her and put her in a wall?

tl;dr - I know somewhat how you feel. I was tied in with a baby though, not a house and bills.

I think sometimes you just have to take some losses and do what you have to do to move on. You're basically in a situation where you have to choose the lesser of two evils and I think I would just disappear.