Thank gods, I made it.

The dark passenger was pretty brutal around afternoon. I was with my mum all day, and I had discovered a blade I forgot I had. In the few minutes that she was away from me, they were screaming at me to run away and cut as hard and deep as I could.

Do you know what I did?

I snapped that motherfucking blade and threw it away.

I feel like I might be winning. They might be horrible, they might be forceful, and they might have made me cut in the past and attempt to hang myself but today was not one of those days. Today, I stuck up my middle finger and decided I was going to fight them.

I’m under no illusions that my fight is totally over. I know that they are cunning and resourceful and won’t give up. But I have my next appointment with the psychologist on the 13th- please laugh at the irony, it is a Friday- and I am going to tell them about all this the minute I get there.

Thank you all so so much for supporting me on a day where I thought I might die. Thank you for watching over me Amber, S, Y and J. Most of all, thanks to all my other friends who have been there for me whilst I have been in crisis. I send love to you all.

Thank you so so much! I feel like I can finally get out of my black hole. I’ve had my difficulties recently, don’t get me wrong, and I still have a lot of problems, but this is a definite start. Thank you for all your emails, they’ve literally been lifesavers. xx