# I hate January, I really do. Ludmila kept me busy with translations until last week, so I haven't had much time to slip into my usual post-Christmas depression yet, but, gah. We had about 30 cm of snow last week, and now everything is disgustingly mushy, the world is all black and white and greys, and I don't even remember the last time I saw the sun. I finally kicked myself out of the door for a walk on Sat., but even that was more in the spirit of duty than pleasure. Can't it be spring already?

# On the plus side, it appears that as of yesterday the Meta from Hell (tm) has evolved into an actual workable draft that has structure and goes somewhere, rather than point- & aimlessly meandering around. In that spirit decided to rewatch the whole of DW/TW/SJA in the order in which the seasons were aired and see if that might lead to any further inspirations. I started with DW S1 yesterday, and upon rewatching, The End of the World is actually rather harsh. Granted, there's the 'see how humanity survived' aspect, but how did Nine think that showing Rose the death of her world on the very first journey was the best of ideas? And then telling her almost gleefully that, nope, he wasn't going to save it, the planet was going to get roasted in half an hour, and getting cranky when she realises her mother is mortal. Obviously on a Doylist level the setting has its purpose, paving the way for the 'last of the Time Lords' revelation at the end, but on a Watsonian level the whole trip is something of a Freudian slip, as if he's determined to make her experience at least on some level what he himself went through. Lovely episode, though.

# Also finally saw The Hobbit with G. on Sat. Since I only read the book once or twice as a teenager and never had much of an emotional connection to it, I thought I'd have an easier time with it than with the LotR movies, where I complained about how they Got It All Wrong, Wrong, Wrong after every single part, but... Well. Now, the first 20 mins or so until Bilbo leaves the Shire I adored unreservedly, to the point of even entertaining the idea of giving Sherlock another try, because I loved Martin Freeman's performance that much. The part up until and including the Trolls was also enjoyable, and there were even bits of the Rivendell scenes I liked, although the whole thing still/again looks rather fake. After that, though, IMO the movie completely loses its pace and turns into a sequence of ridiculous and ridiculously drawn-out CGI action scenes (even G. agreed with that in the case of the battle in the goblin caves, and G. is usually very, very easily distracted by shiny action in 3D), although admittedly the stone giants were impressive. This is somthing I'll never understand. They have perfectly serviceable actors that are a delight to watch when they actually get to act, and then bury them (or rather their stunt doubles) in CGI that costs xx times as much. I guess I'm just too old and cranky for this kind of movies.

# Had my first bookkeeping class on Friday. God. God. It's not as if I don't understand it, it's not as if it's deadly boring, but it's miles and miles away from everything I ever thought or dreamt I'd do with/in my life. It's the sensible choice, and I can't afford dreams any longer, even if I still had any, but it all feels so wrong. Wrongish. Eight months, until the end of August, if I sign up for the second part and the exam. And there'll be homework and things to learn/repeat during the week, which will leave me less time for Russian and translations. Am I making a mistake? Should I have picked something else? But what?

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Looking forward to the meta! And I know that lovely feeling when stuff finally begins to gel - it's amazing.

but on a Watsonian level the whole trip is something of a Freudian slip, as if he's determined to make her experience at least on some level what he himself went through.Oh totally. (Look, I even have an icon that fits!) Mostly, then it beautifully defines the whole thing - it's a test, I suppose, his way of seeing whether she can understand, whether she can cope. And then, miraculously (when he confesses what happened to *his* home), she is just human and starts talking about chips. (That I think he derides in the first episode?) And that's it. She becomes his kite string, the thing that tethers him to the world.

It's the sensible choice, and I can't afford dreams any longer, even if I still had any, but it all feels so wrong. Wrongish.Hmmmmm. That doesn't sound good. Not to put you off, because it might be a good thing, and lead somewhere, but try to work out what your dreams might be. Not just from a romantic standpoint, but because I dealt with Darcy being progressively more and more ill as he worked jobs he wasn't suited for. Now we're risking money and all kinds of things, but he's happier and healthier. So if you find the right thing - go for it!

Thank you. Friday was only the first time, so I'll give it another couple of lessons before I decide whether or not to sign up for the second part, but I'll keep that in mind. The problem is that sometimes I think I've spent so much time and energy resigning myself to my current job that I can't even tell what's the right thing any longer... And it feels as if it's too late anyway; I should have made this decision years and years ago.

I suppose, his way of seeing whether she can understand, whether she can cope.

I wonder if maybe it isn't all happening on a more subconscious level. What he wants to show her is that humanity has survived, but on some darker level I think maybe part of him wants to destroy her innocence a bit, even when at the same time this is what attracts him to her. (I was just a bit reminded of the SJA episode with Androvax, who wants to show everyone that destruction is the only truth in the universe.)

she is just human and starts talking about chips. (That I think he derides in the first episode?) And that's it. She becomes his kite string, the thing that tethers him to the world.

Solitary-summer!I go around to teaching people via Skype lessons $20 an hour of pure Russian ($10 for 30minutes just as pure) via pay-pal transfer. Video or voice seccions, regardless. Would you be willing to participate? Tony