We are so pleased to see a national organization like the American Association of University Professors punish a college for defending a national liberty. Surely that will dissuade legislators from daring to interfere with the social justice indoctrination of our next generation of leaders.

If they’re judging white people solely based on the subset that tends to burn flags as a form of protest, then “fragility” is probably a fairly appropriate word.

On the other hand, if the good professors didn’t flee in terror from every soldier they encountered ( or dial 9-1-1 over ROTC members), they might get the chance to see some flag burners that nobody would call “fragile.”

“Burning the Flag: An Artistic Means for Promoting Social Justice” perfectly encapsulates the left’s creative talents. Why bolster national bonds and American culture when you can paint with fire and shred them to pieces to lump yet another landmass into the homogenous, globalized collective?

Just consider: A cop was actually under the impression that because the university president decided to stop flying the flag, nobody else was allowed to fly it, either.

Sure, it has the stars and bars, which the left has informed us are racist, but if you turn it sideways, the Mississippi flag looks kind of like the French one. Hell, it looks like someone screwed up and inserted the flag of Yugoslavia in the corner. Pride for their own state might offend, but it might be permissible if SJWs can convince themselves it actually pays homage to a socialist one.

That makes sense. If they’re gonna pay them based on their skin color, they’ll need several trainings to learn how to disguise the racism in that.

In the course segment entitled “Discovering Diversity and Inclusion at UT,” students and staff will reportedly learn to see their peers in a whole new light, supposedly called “vision.” Apparently, this “vision” is conducted by apparatuses in the eyes called the “cornea” and “lens.” Faculty and students will discover how, using this “vision,” they can recognize that some people are black, some are white, and some possess different genitalia than others. Sources say participants will also learn about “ears,” which enable them to find out the sexual interests of their companions.

Yes, some Christians hate gays. But this woman’s hatred of Christians burns so intensely that while they pray for the Orlando victims, she turns them into political props.

She could use some Christianity, too (or an irony detector). They have this cool book where this Jesus fellow tells a story about not pointing out the splinters in other people’s eyes.

If you think about it, Christianity is just as responsible, if not more, for LGBT violence as Islam. Putting on our intersectional lens, we can fully realize the fabulous phenomenon of false equivalency, in which anti-gay marriage and bathroom laws literally draw as much blood as throwing gays off a roof or butchering them in a nightclub. Intersectional lenses are widely available and can be picked up at your local university, news outlet, or re-runs of The Daily Show. Buyers must provide their own abject scorn of reality but the lenses are currently going for the super low price of all of your dignity.

Attention: It is now progressive to punish people for hosting a gay speaker. Careful, there, Democrats. You’re starting to sound like your grandfathers.

Let’s all just be grateful that foot-in-mouth disease isn’t contagious. It’s only acquired, at this advanced stage anyway, from a lifetime of making preposterous statements in order to elicit sage nods from dudes in berets.

Here’s how he reassured parents: “we have got some very, very progressive people—very, very supportive of the students and supportive of what happened, and eager to make the changes.” So, there you have it. No need to worry. Some “very, very progressive people” are going to clean up the mess made by other progressive pe—wait a second….

Sounds like the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. Who’s working on it? “Top. Men.”

The so-called “trolls” of the Internet are certainly adept at encouraging universities to act reasonably. This is reminiscent of DePaul’s president stepping down after the university received 14,000 1-star ratings on its Facebook page.

Here’s the kicker: In their official statement, UCI cited “inaccurate news reports.” Since they were obviously talking about us, we called them, at which point they told us the original statement was “poorly worded.”

So, just to be clear, the statement should have read: “because we deceived everyone from the outset…”

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