Going To Hell with Ted Haggard

I didn't plan to care about Ted Haggard. After all, I have access to
Google and a Bible. I heard about what he did and knew it was wrong. I
saw the clips from the news and the HBO documentary about his life after
his fall. I honestly felt bad for him but figured it was his own
undoing. When the topic came up with others I know in ministry, we would
feign sadness, but inside we couldn't care less. One close friend said
he would understand it more if Ted had just sinned with a woman. I
agreed with him at the time. It's amazing how much more mercy I give to
people who struggle with sins I understand. The further their sin is
from my own personal struggles, the more judgmental and callous I
become. I'm not proud of that. It's just where I was at that time in my
walk. But that all changed in one short afternoon.

Eating our own

A while back I was having a business lunch at a sports bar in the
Denver area with a close atheist friend. He's a great guy and a very
deep thinker. During lunch, he pointed at the large TV screen on the
wall. It was set to a channel recapping Ted's fall. He pointed his
finger at the HD and said, "That is the reason I will not become a
Christian. Many of the things you say make sense, Mike, but that's what
keeps me away."

It was well after the story had died down, so I had to study the screen
to see what my friend was talking about. I assumed he was referring to
Ted's hypocrisy. "Hey man, not all of us do things like that," I
responded. He laughed and said, "Michael, you just proved my point. See,
that guy said sorry a long time ago. Even his wife and kids stayed and
forgave him, but all you Christians still seem to hate him. You guys
can't forgive him and let him back into your good graces. Every time you
talk to me about God, you explain that he will take me as I am. You say
he forgives all my failures and will restore my hope, and as long as I
stay outside the church, you say God wants to forgive me. But that guy
failed while he was one of you, and most of you are still vicious to
him." Then he uttered words that left me reeling: "You Christians eat
your own. Always have. Always will."

Change of heart

He was running late for a meeting and had to take off. I, however,
could barely move. I studied the TV and read the caption as a well-known
religious leader kept shoveling dirt on a man who had admitted he was
unclean. And at that moment, my heart started to change. I began to
distance myself from my previously harsh statements and tried to
understand what Ted and his family must have been through. When I
brought up the topic to other men and women I love and respect, the very
mention of Haggard's name made our conversations toxic. Their reactions
were visceral.

Please understand, this isn't just my experience. Just Google his name
and read what is said about him in Christian circles. Most Christians
would say God can forgive him, but almost universally people agree that
God will never use him again. When I pressed the question, "Why can't
God still use Ted?" I was dismissed as foolish or silly. Most of these
people got mad and demanded I drop the subject. Perhaps they saw
something I was missing, but this response seemed strange. After all, I
reasoned, Jesus restored Peter after he denied Christ. That's a pretty
big deal. And what about the Scripture that teaches us that the gifts
and callings of God are irrevocable? So I felt I needed to meet Ted for
myself. So I had my assistant track him down for a lunch appointment. I
live outside Denver and he was living in Colorado Springs, a little over
an hour away. Perfect!

We exchanged a few emails and agreed on a date and a restaurant. I took
two men from my staff, and we met him for lunch. All the way there, I
quietly played out in my head how he would act. Would he be reserved?
Sad? Angry or distant?

Surprised by friendship

In less than five minutes of talking with Ted, I realized a horrible
truth—I liked him. He was brutally honest about his failures. He was
excited that the only people who would talk to him now were the truly
broken and hurt. During our conversation a lady approached him. He
instantly went into "pastor mode" and cared for her. Deep inside God was
teaching me that true salvation is an ongoing process. We spent two
hours together and decided to stay in touch. I began to call and ask him
church-related questions. He possesses a wealth of wisdom. He even has a
growing church in the very city that knows him for his biggest
failures. I thought I had it tough as a church planter! But God is
causing his church to really grow. I met his wonderful wife, Gayle. She
is a terrific teacher of grace and one of my heroes. When I grow up, I
want to be Gayle Haggard. And so I became close friends with Ted
Haggard.

But then the funniest thing started happening to me. Some Christians I
hung out with told me they would distance themselves from me if I
continued reaching out to Ted. Several people in my church said they
would leave. Really? Does he have leprosy? Will he infect me? We are
friends. We aren't dating! But in the end, I was told that my voice as a
pastor and author would be tarnished if I continued to spend time with
him. I found this sickening. Not just because people can be so small,
but because I have a firsthand account from Ted and Gayle of how they
lost many friends they had known for years. Much of it is pretty
coldblooded. Now the "Christian machine" was trying to take away their
new friends.

It would do some Christians good to stay home one weekend and watch the entire DVD collection of HBO's Band of Brothers. Marinate in it. Take notes. Write down words like loyalty, friendship, and sacrifice. Understand the phrase: never leave a fallen man behind.

Where's the love?

I had a hard time understanding why we as Christians really needed Ted
to crawl on the altar of church discipline and die. We needed a clean
break. He needed to do the noble thing and walk away from the church. He
needed to protect our image. When Ted crawled off that altar and into
the arms of a forgiving God, we chose to kill him with our disdain. I
wrestled with my part in this until I got an epiphany. In a quiet time
of prayer, Christ revealed to me a brutal truth: it was my fault. We are
called to leave the 99 to go after the one. We are supposed to be
numbered with the outcasts. After all, we are the ones that believe in
resurrection. In many ways I have not been aggressive enough with the
application of the gospel. My concept of grace needed to mature, to grow
muscles, teeth, and bad breath. It needed to carry a shield, and most
of all, it needed to find its voice.

Grace must pick a side in the light of day, not just whisper its opinion in the shadows and dark places where we sign our name Anonymous.
When a leader falls and then repents, grace picks a side. Grace is
strong. Grace is a shield to those who cannot get off the battlefield.
Grace is God's idea. Like a spiritual Switzerland, we stay in our
neutral world where we can both forgive and judge but never get our
hands dirty caring for the fallen. And when we don't pick a side, the
wrong side gets picked for us. Crematoriums are more sanitary than
hospitals. Let's change this!

Of course, I understand that if a person doesn't repent there is not a
whole lot you can offer. But Ted resigned, confessed, repented, and
submitted. He jumped through our many hoops. When will we be cool with
him again? When will the church allow God to use him again? It's funny
that we believe we get to make that decision.

The Ted Haggard issue reminds me of a scene in Mark Twain's, Huckleberry Finn.
Huck is told that if he doesn't turn in his friend, a runaway slave
named Jim, he will surely burn in hell. So one day Huck, not wanting to
lose his soul to Satan, writes a letter to Jim's owner telling her of
Jim's whereabouts. After folding the letter, he starts to think about
what his friend has meant to him, how Jim took the night watch so he
could sleep, how they laughed and survived together. Jim is his friend
and that is worth reconsideration. Huck realizes that it's either Jim's
friendship or hell. Then the great Mark Twain writes such wonderful
words of resolve. Huck rips the paper and says, "Alright then, I guess
I'll go to hell."

What a great lesson. What a great attitude. I think of John 15:13,
"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's
friends." Maybe it's not just talking about our physical life. Perhaps
it's the life we know, the friends we have and lose. Maybe I show love
when I lay down the life we have together to confront you on a wrong
attitude or action. Maybe we show no greater love than when we are
counted with people who others consider tainted. Becoming friends with
Ted was a defining moment in my life, ministry, and career. Sure, I lost
a few relationships, but I doubt they would have cared for me in my
failures. So really, I lost nothing. If being Ted's friend causes some
to hate and reject me—alright then, I guess I'll go to hell.

Replies

a stumbling block (to me) is anything or person that could influence us to participate in deliberate sin. You are right we can "love" everyone! I was simply stating "discernment or caution" is required when someone is not willing to give up their sin that we are not drawn into the same. It is wonderful that you can be that light amoungst the darkness. I personally can only do that in limited periods of time, so that I don't fall into judgement of others. God will bless that you are able to do more. :)

Quoting survivorinohio:

Its all very personal, what we need to seperate ourselves from, what would be a stumbling block. Many are called to places full of sin to be a light amidst the darkness.

Respect is good, Love is better. I believe in loving people whether they have sin in their lives or not. Support and encouragement are human needs and should be offered to all not just those who are walking how we think they should.

Quoting USBrit:

I have not read all the posts, but we are supposed to have discernment about things, not judgement. It is not our place to judge, but we are to discern whether something is "right" or "wrong" for our own lives, discern whether the people we spend time with are a stumbling block for our own lives. That does not mean that we don't treat everyone with respect, We absolutely DO.... it means that if we have chosen not to drink, we don't hang out at the bar, etc. Just as parents would not cho0se for their child to hang out with drug addicts for fear that they would have a negative influence on that child.

Christians are taught to love the sinner, but not the sin. However we are to surround ourselves with like minded people to encourage and support so we are not tempted to participate in sin. If someone chooses to change their life and give up their sin......we are to embrace that person and support and encourage them.

If you are not a Christian, and don't want to be one....it is hard to understand....I truly understand. I wasn't a Christian until I was 48 years old

I am sorry to hear all that but I know it happens. I had a Priest tell me I couldn't receive communion for certain reasons so I stayed away from the church for many years. I was much younger.

When things started to get to me, I started back to Church realized what I had missed by being away. When I came back to the Church I talked about earlier, I was mature enough to know all Catholic Churches wern't like that and found another Church. I am not saying that in a negative way towards you, just telling what happened to me.

Quoting FromAtoZ:

Quoting candlegal:

I guess I have a hard time understanding this. I went to a Church for years where the people were unkind.When I finally walked away I found another Catholic Church. There are so many of them out there that are doing what they are supposed to do.

Quoting FromAtoZ:

This brings up a good point. Of course, many will fail to see it, read it, hear it or feel it.

The point of this article is one of the reasons I walked away from the Catholic church. I have never walked away from God, He is not nearly as judgemental as some of His more conservative followers.

This was many years ago. I attended the same Catholic Church for years, grew up there. I had my first daughter out of wedlock and her father was divorced. Huge shame. You deny my child, you deny me.

For years, while attending Church, I always had the questions no one wanted to answer or even address. Even way back in the 2nd grade. How dare I question the Church and what I was being taught. There was one Father whom I adored. He would sit and talk with me, not to me. I will always remember him and take his words to heart. Then he passed away from an accident. It was quite sad.

I had been wrestling with myself and the Catholic faith. I did not dare tell my mother, I would have embarrassed her. So instead, when I was 26, with a child, with a man who was divorced and the Church made it clear I was no longer welcome, she was indeed embarrassed and acted much like the Church did. That was her cross to bear. Not mine.

That was when I knew I had to leave. When you are told to leave, told your child is unworthy.........and had your own doubts about certain aspects of the particular faith, for years...........there was no doubt that the Catholic Church and I were not on the same page.

There probably are other Catholic Churches that would have welcomed my child, and myself, but the bottom line was that I did not believe all of what they were telling me. I was raised with it, with the Church. I had had enough. I simply do not believe in most of what they sell. That simple. Nor can I, in good conscience, follow much of what they preach.

My relationship with God became even more clear, more beautiful and my walk, my journey, more fulfilled once I was following my own heart and mind and not the heart and mind of the Church.

Many people leave, whether it be the Catholic Church, or another, and continue on their journey. It has worked out to be one of the best decisions I have made. For me.

No one else has to understand. *shrug*

I understand. I am glad that you found a Church you feel comfortable with and call home.