Health Library

Temper Tantrums

What are temper tantrums?

Temper tantrums are a way a young child lets out strong emotions before he or she is able to express them in socially acceptable ways. Although a child may seem totally out of control, these fits of rage, stomping, screaming, and throwing himself or herself to the floor are a normal part of childhood development. Temper tantrums often occur only with a parent. They are a way a child communicates his or her feelings. Parents can learn from their child by understanding the situation that caused the temper tantrum to erupt.

Temper tantrums often begin at about 1 year of age and continue until age 3. Nearly all children have them, but, by age 4, most children develop the necessary self-control and temper tantrums stop.

What causes temper tantrums?

As a young child learns more and becomes more independent, he or she wants to do more than he or she can physically and emotionally manage. This is frustrating to the child and the frustrations are expressed in a variety of ways. Temper tantrums are worse and occur more often when a child is hungry, tired, or sick. Some reasons children have temper tantrums include the following:

Want to be on their own, and get upset when they cannot do what they want

Are trying to get attention to test the rules

Have something taken away from them

Have not learned all the words to tell you what they are feeling or want and this upsets them

Do not understand what you want them to do

Are tired or hungry

Are worried or upset

Feel stress in the home

How to prevent temper tantrums

Although temper tantrums sometimes happen without warning, parents can often tell when a child is becoming upset. Knowing the situations when your child is more likely to have a tantrum and thinking ahead may help. An example is not letting your child become overtired or hungry. Some suggestions for preventing or minimizing temper tantrums include the following:

Stick to routines for meals and sleep times. Avoid long outings, delayed meals, and naps.

Distract your child with a toy he or she is allowed to have.

Be reasonable about what to expect from your child, and do not expect your child to be perfect.

Help your child to avoid frustration. Prepare your child for changes or events by talking about them before they happen.

Let your child know your rules and stick to them.

How to respond during a temper tantrum

The following are helpful hints regarding the most appropriate ways to respond during your child's temper tantrum:

Stay calm.

Ignore the child until he or she is calmer. Keep doing whatever you were doing prior to the tantrum occurring.

Do not hit or spank your child.

Do not give in to the tantrum. When parents give in, children learn to use inappropriate behavior to get their way.

Do not bribe your child to stop the tantrum. The child then learns to act inappropriately to get a reward.