Club vultures need to learn respect

Men and women grind in the dark club. Three girlfriends and I dance in a circle watching guys hover like vultures. It feels like we're in enemy territory waiting to be ambushed.

My friends dance a few steps in one spot then shuffle somewhere else when a vulture nears. The problem isn't the men who ask for a dance. It's the ones who don't.

I feel something press against my backside. I spin around.

"Hey, you need to back up off me," I say.

"What?"

"Back up off me!"

"I ain't even on you."

He stares down at me with a drink in one hand and contempt in his eyes. I stare back. We stand frozen for what seems like hours. I can't hear the music anymore. My heart's beating too loudly. He stalks away.

I exhale.

I turn to my friends. They're still doing their vulture dance, seemingly oblivious to my brush with violence. For them, sidestepping disrespectful males is all part of a night at the club - any club.

One told me about the time she was in another spot and a stranger forcefully grabbed her arm and pulled her to him. Another said she typically dances with her back to the wall so males can't freak her from behind. A buddy said she pushed a guy off her and he rushed at her, ready to strike. Her brother jumped in.

Most of us aren't lucky enough to have a brother watching our backs, but most clubs have security. It's time they do more than break up fights and stand outside the door looking mean. I beg women who are tired of being groped to start asking security guards to throw aggressive men out of the club.

If the management refuses to take your complaints seriously, don't go back and tell your friends not to go to the club as well. If word gets out that clubs won't tolerate men harassing women, then my hope is guys will be forced to act right or stay home.

There's no reason women should feel as though being in a club is like being in Iraq.

Our entertainment culture doesn't help.

Too many music videos and songs degrade women. Many rap videos show women shaking it like a salt shaker for ogling guys. They turn women into sexual objects put on earth to titillate men. The insulting video of the year award goes to Nelly for "Tip Drill," which includes a credit card swipe down a woman's backside.

All of this sends a message that this is the way to show women attention. And some women - gay and straight - don't respect themselves. They step in clubs barely clothed. Granted, wearing little more than a thong bikini isn't an invitation to be disrespected, but the women I'm talking about crave attention and will let anyone freak on them.

At the club where I beefed with the vulture, two males held lighters beneath a woman's bottom while she danced. She kept shaking her rump. When one of my friends leaned against a column, the guy on the other side of it grabbed her rear. That's middle-school behavior.

What makes me even angrier about this particular club is that I visited a week earlier alone. Before I got to the door, a security guard lectured me about being respectful. Assuming I was gay, he told me if someone says no, leave them alone. I peeked inside the club and left. On my way out, I asked the guard if he gave men the same lecture.

Sometimes, he replied, but typically fights start when a woman asks another woman to dance and she won't take no for an answer.

A woman may fight another woman, but few will confront an aggressive guy. They would rather walk away or dance to one song than risk getting beat up. I'm not one of those women.

When I left the club this time, I found the security guard who had earlier lectured me. I told him he needed to address the men. He agreed, but acted as if it was natural for guys to act a fool. He insisted women were the biggest problem.