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“Oh yes, by far and away the greatest of all my sexual experiences, certainly better than Paris Hilton”

~ A Narwhal on Pippi Longstocking

“Look, I'm Zippi Longstockings”

~ Dr. Evil on trying to zip it

Pippi killing some time in her yard preparing for a cartoon charactersploitation film

Pippi Longstocking is a world renowned erotic artist famous for her gangbang, bestiality and bukkake enactments. Her trade mark stockings and unconventional style including some natty dreads are stored in the memory sticks in the back of cabinets of married men, worldwide. A natural, busty Swedish beauty she has overcome the huge disadvantages and prejudices against gingers which are amplified in Sweden to become one of the top five sensual interpretation actresses in the world just slightly less famous than Smurfette. Pippi has unnatural ageing qualities which means her career has spanned well over 100 years and is unlikely to end anytime soon. She has acted throughout the various movements and styles and demanding changes in the saucy industry always looking like and playing the role of the innocent untouched teenager. Pippi also played Natalia Simonova, the villain in Goldeneye due to her unnaturally strong thighs that eventually resulted in squeezing Pierce Brosnan's head into a mushy paste following a madly intense orgasm.

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Born in 1827 in Smeglenburg Sweden as Pippi Hulkhoganssohn she was left to die on a cliff edge as is the traditional Swedish way with ginger folk. Taken in by a tribe of travelling Narwhals Pippi was lucky to survive and her first sexual experiences were during these years as the narwhals took out their sexual frustration using their huge horns to inseminate Longstocking in return for the care and food the herd provided. Her adopted family of Narwhals was however unfortunately killed by the Nautilus and it was here that she swore revenge upon Captain Nemo. It would take her 10 long years to track down Captain Nemo across the world's oceans but eventually she caught up with him consuming the Nautilus whole into her vagina, some say Nemo survives and to this day sails deep within the womb of Longstocking occasionally appearing to torpedo an unwary male pornstar's penis.

A poster for her live and outrageous world tour where she fitted a sperm whale in each hole for 938 consecutive nights and one of the less celebrated films that remains much beloved by fans across the world.

It was in the Sea of Japan that this incident occurred and she settled in Japan thus beginning her career as a adult movie actress. Longstocking is credited with the origin of Hentai and even today serves as the template for over 90% of Japanese hentai porn, namely that of girls that are clearly far too young being abused in highly inappropriate costumes and situations. Longstocking took her knowledge of underwater sexual antics and also introduced the love of tentacle porn to Japan as well as Genki. Although this is has caused the Japanese predilection for fish and they continue to whale in the face of international law in order to feed their insatiable appetite for Pippi's whale porn.

Pippi worked in many countries and languages, this Russian language collector's edition translates as One Pippi, One Horse; a woman's love affair with the equine and Slavic Moustaches

With Pippi's career on the rise she got her big break, the 1946 underground porn movie Pippi Goes on Board, retaining her love of all things nautical she agreed to have a world gangbang tour which has led to her having sex with every pirate in the known world. It was a huge hit and Pippi's talent began to be realised. She refined her style using spunk to maintain her pigtails in their rigid upright form and formalizing her unusual dress sense. When filming Pippi in the South Seas she was to meet a shaman who promised her a pair of magic stockings in return for a Curly Wurly, a half eaten tin of Marmite, one Twix finger, a handjob on the sly and a quick bondage session. These stockings gave her incredible powers of strength and endurance which allowed her to at last realise her dream of surpassing Jenna Jaimeson as queen of the porn world. She challenged Jaimeson to a whore off, something no other porn star could have dreamed of. Longstocking vanquished her opponent after breaking Ron Jeremy's penis and being fucked in ALL her holes, including oral and belly button orifices. After being crowned Miss World 1983 her domination was nearly complete. She finally rose to the pinnacle of her career winning Butlin's Bognor Regis Lovely Knees Competition 1986.

Pippi's After Christmas Party was largely a success however after fornicating with Santa Claus she rips off his beard to reveal nothing but Billy Bob Thornton before proclaiming Santa was not real causing many children to cry and raising Sweden's already prohibitively high suicide rate, thus leaving only 38 people in all Sweden. Luckily in Pippi's After Christmas Party II: Santa Cums LateSaint Nicholas turned up and showed the world he was real before delivering a DVD copy to every stocking in the world to prove he's the fucking don with interestingly a 113 inch cock which made filming some of the scenes very difficult and leaving non widescreen viewers disappointed.

Pippi prepares for Pippi Goes on Board and Pippi in the South Seas, notice the slight laziness of the eyes resulting from hugely powerful cumshots

Pippi's unusual lifestyle have led to her picking up a series of unusual companions who accompany her to most places nowadays. As few men can satisfy her she has a live in horse, Old Man in order to pleasure her in her spare time. She has also acquired a monkey for reasons unknown but we assume this is because she loves to throw her own fecal matter around and therefore a monkey is the natural companion to do this with. However this annoys her only neighbour Mr. Settergren who has only be saved from madness by his overbearing narcolepsy which allows him to get some rest despite the constant sound of sexual gratification coming from next door. Occasionally she is visited by her estranged son Denzel Washington, although this is difficult as Sweden is morally against black people so he must be smuggled in under a Ku Klux Klan outfit with a blonde wig found amongst Swedish chapters.