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10 Healthy Meals Even An Idiot Can Make

First of all, you’re an idiot. Second, here’s 10 Healthy Meals so easy even you can make them.

Saying you’re terrible in the kitchen is like saying you’re terrible at breathing – it’s that straightforward to do. Of course, there are noticeable differences, as you breathe over 18,000 times a day, whereas you’d only prepare about three meals. Nonetheless.

I’ve carefully chosen 10, and by carefully I mean not carefully at all, as that’s about as many meals as I know how to make.

You will need:
4 eggs
30g of mozzarella cheese (light)
dash of skim milkMethod:Crack 3 eggwhites + 1 full egg into a bowl, and stir.
Add a dash of skim milk, stir again.
Sprinkle the cheese on top, then place a cover on top and microwave for 60 seconds. It’ll look weird, like a placenta at this stage. Try not to think of that, and stir.
Microwave for a further 60 seconds. Then eat. Idiot.

Method:Lay out two sorj wraps, spread avocado in the middle of each.
Place the turkey evenly on both, and sprinkle cheese on top.
Place in flat sandwich toaster, and once cheese has melted, eat. Idiot.

Method:Pour the stupid cous cous into a bowl, then fill with 1/2 cup of boiling water. Once dry, separate cous cous with fork, add pepper to taste, then mix in tuna, tomatoes and spinach. Then eat. Idiot.

Method:If it’s possible, this one’s even fucking easier. Boil pasta in a saucepan, then when al dente, put into a baking tray with a bit of depth. Akin to a boss, add the tuna and sauce, and sprinkle cheese on top. Then put into the oven on or whatever, to like 150 degrees, for like 15-20 mins. Then eat. Idiot.

Method:Ok. Ignore the title ‘Healthy’. This one’s for when you’ve given up on life, and all things to do with living well. It’s a Sunday morning, you’ve had a big Saturday night. You’re not going to want to eat fucken eggwhites.

Mix eggs and milk together in a bowl. Get slices of bread out, one at a time and fully immerse them in the bowl. Slop ’em round in there a bit. They like it. Put a nub of butter on the frying pan (is a nub even a thing, maybe it’s a knob), and instantly cover it with this slice of eggy bread. Meanwhile cook the bacon next door. Not actually next door, as it’ll take ages to run back and forth between kitchens. I mean the next stove element along. Once the toast looks cooked, take it off and cover with maple syrup and bacon. Eat. Idiot.

Good. So now you know how to put together 10 different meals. No need to expand your repertoire. I certainly haven’t. Good luck to you.