Wednesday, December 23, 2015

I will not say things like 'Gosh, December is here already.' or 'Where did the year go? Was I sleeping the whole time?' or the same old cliched 'Time flies' nonsense. No, time doesn't always fly. Sometimes it just sits like a huge rock in the middle of the road, unwilling to budge, break, move, shift or crawl.

Needless to say, I am glad we are almost done with twenty fifteen and in case no one wants to know, I'm doing good. I'm healthy and fit. Still a lawyer and a self-proclaimed mad poet, surviving the banality of life with the help of Sinatra. Actually, Lana Del Rey too. Remember a month ago I was obsessing over the song High by the beach. Well now it is Music to watch to boys to. I think I have broken my personal record by playing this one on repeat for over a week. I absolutely l.o.v.e this song. Especially when one is in the gym surrounded by insanely hot guys working out, listening to this song makes one feel like the goddamn queen from a classic movie. Now who wouldn't enjoy that!

In other news, I have decided to move. I have decided to replace Mirage. I'm not closing it down, just giving it a new identity. It is quite important for me to be able to connect to this place wholeheartedly like I did in the initial years and I think giving it a new name will surely help.

Presenting to you the new baby blog: Comet Muse

Not sure how long will it be before I incorporate this change. I have so many new ideas for the blog but I have to figure out the painstaking technicalities attached with using a domain name and have to be sure I don't mess up the backlinks. I'll share the new link of the website soon. Hope you would read along. You would, right?

P.S: Sincere apologies for not being able to reply to your comments and emails, life of a lawyer is so not like the one portrayed in Suits. Just saying.
Also, in case you are having a rough day.. here's a picture of my Frodo saying it's all going to be okay.

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

I was not ready when it cascaded fiercely along my delicate contours, leaving behind traces of imagination. I was not ready when it left me bleak and bereft of lustre. It was unnerving and I was afraid. I was afraid to see my bare reflection. I was afraid because I felt cold, seeping through the pores of this empty brittle skin. But it cascaded, as abruptly as it had surged through the slender frame of my ribs, reaching the center point of every moment which made me feel alive. I watched it grow atop all of me and I watched it abandon all of me, graciously undulating with every breath.

It.

It was hope. It was patience. It was strength to drag myself out of the unending labyrinth. I know I have not gone entirely mad, there is still a dissenting piece of sanity which belongs to me, which thrives on me but perhaps this raging sea is the only calm I need as I sculpt myself into a formidable piece of beauty.

Saturday, September 26, 2015

I like waking up in the middle of the night when it is still dark outside. I like waking up to this feeling that I have a few more hours to sleep before I leave for work. It's been almost three months since I began my professional career as a lawyer and I am still getting the hang of it. Every now and then, some of my colleagues come up to me to share their wise suggestions on how to survive in this field and how to deal with office politics. It is not as unusual as I used to think initially, but there is one common thing which I've been told too many times: Not to trust anyone here.

It is funny because whenever someone tells me this, the first thing that comes to my mind is "Okay, so I shouldn't trust you too right!." For now, I think I am doing fine by not getting too involved in the world of so called smart people. I like being detached. It is so much better than indulging myself in forced office camaraderie.

But you know what there are good things too. Like:

a. I have full independence to splurge and it is hundred times more satisfying when you do that with your self-earned money.

b. I can't wait to start travelling without any guilt because again, this independence is sweeter than I could've ever imagined and also because, travel is the only thing I know that can keep me sane apart from poetry, of course.

c. I love it when someone asks whether I am a student and how surprised they look when I tell them that no, I'm a lawyer. Needless to say, five years of law college were totally worth it.

In other news, I am obsessing over the latest album Honeymoon by Lana Del Rey and High by the beach is my favorite of all, especially because of this badass music video.

Monday, July 20, 2015

I started this blog just a week before stepping into law school and that was five long years ago. My college life is over, I'm officially a graduate. I'm officially a lawyer!

I'm growing up too fast and I don't like it at all. Adulthood is scary, it is messed up and there is always too much to do. It's been more than a month since I turned 23 and it is as crazy as it was last year or the year before that. Honestly, I think in my head, I stopped growing up after 16.

I got a job, like a real job in the real world and I am not yet accustomed to this feeling of having my own visiting cards that say that I'm an Associate. It is a lot to take in and I think I'm going to forget about it for a while.

My brother visited us in June and gave my parents an out of this world surprise just by appearing one night. It was such a beautiful moment when I saw my mom scream and burst into tears as bhaiya walked in. Dad was in another city, so he refused to believe till we made a video call. And I.. well I managed the whole surprise by keeping the news with myself for two weeks, which was undoubtedly the toughest task. Somebody appreciate me please.

A few days back, I received a mail which said that in some survey, Mirage has been selected among the Top 15 Personal Blogs in India, and that left me thrilled. To read somebody else's thoughts on my blog, on Mirage, it is a beautiful feeling. Of course, those thoughts have to be beautiful to make that feeling beautiful. eeeeep!

And and, I'm going to bed now. I wanted to watch Game of Thrones today, but I couldn't because like I said, in grown-ups world, there is always too much to do and it is already midnight. And I have office tomorrow. Uh! Why can't I just refuse to grow up.

Monday, June 1, 2015

There are too many stories waiting for me to let you go, to draw new galaxies, to make way for them, give them life, give them dreams, break their heart, crush them bad and teach them how to keep dancing in the wild wind even if it may uproot them in the end.

Because there are too many stories waiting beyond this chaos, to taste life

Sunday, May 31, 2015

A plethora of emotions strewn across eleven short stories that are so different from each other yet concocted together with a single thread of simplicity, a trait which is attributed to the beautiful author Ankita Sharma herself.

The first thing that came to my mind after finishing The Wedding Trousseau was that the author did not give in to the pressure of writing with the sole purpose of selling. She did not unnecessarily attempt to give readers spicy pieces of fiction just for the heck of it. There is no mind throbbing drama or intense climax at the end of every story which is usually seen as the only way to keep the interest of the reader intact. Instead, the book gives regard to everyday emotions with which you and I can connect. It gives regard to the fact that stories are everywhere, at every nook and cranny of our life, we just have to keep our minds open.

The Wedding Trousseau encompasses stories written in an unconventional manner, with no particular beginning or ending and that makes them quite real and believable. They are more like small episodes in the lives of characters coming from diverse backgrounds. Stories ranging from pet love to motherhood, from aliens to adoption, stories that will move you from within or will make you empathize with the protagonist dealing with the monotony of life, all in all, this book has a lot to offer.

As a first time author, I truly believe that Ankita has done an incredible job with this book. She has shown courage to try something different and I applaud her for giving the readers so many interesting stories in just 130 pages. Her writing is simple, easy to read and there is no compromise on the quality of work. You don't need a lot of time from your busy schedule for this book because it is perfect if you want something to read over a weekend or if you're traveling.

I recommend this book to those who need a break from heavy fiction novels or those who are not avid readers, try this book. It will help you delve deeper in the field of literature.

Ankita writes regularly on her blog Humming Words, and you should definitely give her blog a visit if you want to see how beautiful and amazing writer she is. Go see yourself. And while you're visiting her blog, it would be nice of you to like her Facebook pageas well. Show some love, pretty people!

__________

Note to the author:

Thank you so much Ankita for having faith in me to review your book (I've never done a review before, therefore it's a big deal) and for sending me a signed copy. A signed copy! (I've never owned a signed copy before, therefore it's a big deal too.) I was elated when I read the sweet little note that you had left for me. It is so cool to personally know the author. *show off*

You have done a great job. I wish loads of success with this book and hope that you will soon become a regular name in the world of literature.

Sunday, May 3, 2015

A little more than three weeks and it is as difficult to make room for acceptance as it was the time I heard the news.

It was 6 in the morning and ma was restlessly knocking on my door. With sleepy eyes and no sense of time or place, I got off my bed and opened it. What I heard next was so unbearably heavy that it shook me immensely from within. There was numbness, I remember. I was standing by the door, trying to absorb what I'd just heard while my mind was shaking.. to and fro, to and fro. I felt numbness in my throat, in my arms and in my legs. I felt it reach down through my chest, pausing every sense in me for a while.

It had happened. What we were told by the doctors had actually happened. Three weeks and one more life gone. The life of our family had gone.

I have been trying to find a better way to express how miserably tough it is to understand this ugly level of sadness that we are stuck at and to start learning to deal with life all over again. I have been trying and failing, again and again. Nothing is enough right now, nothing strikes the right cord or perhaps there is no right cord here and I'm just wasting time amidst this oblivion which is hauntingly familiar to me.

Like I've been here before, sailing through it and hunting for days when I was a little girl, when I was far away from this world where people fade into memory with so much ease and when everyone, almost everyone I loved was just.. happy and alive!

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

After shamelessly spending the entire day in bed, I decide to get up and go outside for a while. My brother's room has been technically empty since last seven, eight months and it is his exceptionally comfortable chair that I've been misusing the most. I open the doors of the huge balcony and drag his chair outside. The weather is quite cool tonight, unlike my city's usual scorching weather in March. I drag the chair closer to one of the lower walls, sit on it, lean back with my feet placed up on the concrete. It feels rough and cold because of the evening rain, but I like it. Wind is a lot chilly than it was earlier during the day, a lot colder for my cotton shorts and t-shirt, but I like it too. Sometimes a little inconvenience is what we need to keep ourselves alive.

So I sit there, staring up wistfully at the plain black sky, emerging far beyond those scattered clouds. I watch them stroll past the moon which tonight looks disoriented, almost like my current state of mind. My neck is strained from looking up consistently, but I keep looking.. at the moon, at the pole star hanging beside it, at the frequent airplanes skimming across the night sky which appears very, very close to me. Like I would stretch my right hand up and easily brush the clouds away with the fingers. It is so convincing, my vision, my mind and this very moment which tells me that it is just within my reach and I, like a fool, cave in.

Life has been happening a lot lately. It is frustrating to watch how helpless this reality can make us, one blow after another while all that it leaves for us to do is wait. It strikes and we wait for the aftermath, wait for the formidable future, wait and witness how easily one more life would leave our beautiful small family, very soon.

I'm using all my energy to not think about this but I don't know what is it that I want to think about instead, where should I lead my consciousness to. So I open the knot and let it lose. I let my tired, exhausted mind lose. I let my thoughts drift away with the clouds as I swivel in the chair feeling shivers run from my slender arms down through the spine. Time and again, I like to remind myself how much I cherish the solitude, how much I cherish the quietness, just me breathing with the night, and the wind and the disoriented moon and the star that never fails to shine.

Saturday, March 28, 2015

I would probably lose all the energy that is left in me, trying to figure out the right way, the acceptable way to taint my bizarrely beautiful thoughts with words for you. so instead I will just watch my cup of tea, thinking how long would it be before it loses its infiltrating scent and makes me yearn for more love, for more moments like this.

You know why? because we shouldn't break the silence that we are addicted to.

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Wouldn't it be easier
if we stop seeking answers to things like
what is more scary,
the infinity above us or the infinity within us?
Because this one solitary thought
of fading insignificantly in either of the two
stealthily walks in
when you
look
away.
______

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

you remember the sound that dispersed quietly in the background after uneven pieces of a glass hit the floor on which you and I stood, barefoot, looking into each others eyes. blank. paused. dead with half open lips waiting for residual words to come out and fall on the floor with those uneven pieces of glass lying so still. so still and placid like a baby hushed to sleep after a night full of breathless cries and we stood barefoot on the cold floor waiting for some life to happen to us, hanging by a thread in the middle of a serpentine void as it locked itself around us. between us. within us. You remember that dreadful sound? It rings at the back of my mind, whenever I, subconsciously like a ritual.. breathe your name.

Sunday, February 8, 2015

So my blog missed more than a month's update on my shitty life. Hmph. That is one long break!

February is here already, winters have started to turn around, giving way to the lovely spring season and I too have decided to end my prolonged hiatus and come out of the blanket. There wasn't any specific reason as to why or how this hiatus began in the first place. But anyway, I'm glad that it's finally over.

You know one of the scariest revelations that I've had recently is that most of this life which we proudly call ours is beyond our control, driven by things like fate. It is so annoying that even after giving your one hundred percent, you can never be sure of anything. That is just how life is. Blatantly random!

The dream on which I was working on since quite a long time got bulldozed by fate. I fell, I hit the ground hard, I got up, brushed the dirt off my skin, covered the bleeding wound on my knee and I think, I think I'm ready to walk again.

Because I'm done mulling over the loss and feeling helpless all the time. I'm done reminiscing about the thing which never belonged to me. It gets boring after a while, you know.

So I'm back here in the blogosphere and since I needed a push for myself to take charge of certain things, I gave Mirage a complete makeover while playing at high volume, my favorite pop music of the evergreen 90's, de-stressed myself by dancing to the tunes of Coco Jumbo and Macarena, ordered a big box of protein shake (no idea, how i will finish it), played Coldplay and Lana Del Rey on repeat, practiced yoga and prepared myself to be mind blowing once again.

Let's see how far this mind-blowing girl can go before the randomness of life strikes again.