Tuesday, 1 January 2013

Jealousy of a Friend

I have this best friend. I've known her since we were toddlers, I must've been around two when we met. We've been best friends ever since. Well, it's been over a decade, and I still love her with all my heart. She doesn't live where I live anymore, she's actually half way round the world, but she comes down every summer and every Christmas, and I still consider her my best friend. We know each other inside out, and she's amazing. She's absolutely gorgeous, when she comes down all my guy friends drool over her. She's the nicest person you'll ever meet, and she's hilarious, we never stop laughing when we're together. In short; she's perfect.
Which, in turn, makes me feel weak in comparison. I love spending time with her, but over and over again, my crushes tell me how much they want a chance with her, my boyfriend is always telling me how beautiful and amazing she is. People call me to talk to her, and then hang up if she's not there. People will message me on facebook to talk to her, but if she's not there, then they just stop talking to me. I feel so worthless when I'm with her. It's like, she's a ray of sunshine, and I'm a lazy cloud, puffy and stupid, floating around the sky next to the biggest, most beautiful thing that you could imagine.
Just once, I'd like to be like her. Not her, exactly, but to have the effect that she has. I'd love to one day have guys telling her that they want to talk to me. Or, that guys want to ask me out, and people want to be with me.
I have a little green monster on my shoulder. And I try so hard not to show it, and I don't think I do. And I feel so happy hanging out with her, but then there are those moments when one of the things above happen, and it just reminds me that I'm nothing without her, and that people wouldn't want to hang out with me as much without her being attached to me.
And trust me, she doesn't even realize it. She doesn't realize that she's getting all the attention, because she doesn't really want it. And she just kind of ignores it. And she sees nothing wrong with me, like I do. Which makes me feel awful for feeling jealous, because to her we're on the same page.