So you showed up to mom’s house with a card, or maybe you took her to dinner or maybe you all went to the WTAE Komen Race, OR , if you’re a total slacker, you waited until the last minute and, on the way to your mom’s, you got some “fresh cut” flowers from one of those creepy-and-extraverted-semi-homeless-overly-intimidating guys meandering around at various City street intersections. Either way, you did this because you want to say “THANKS” to your mother and you feel bad for any grief you might have caused her over the years.

So, what does THIS guy have to do to make Mother’s Day happy? Mark Thompson, of Alum Creek, WV, was caught, WAIT, get ready cuz this is gonna run into the “WTF section” of your brain REAL FAST. This guy:

Stole a young goat from his neighbor

Had sex with that goat in his bedroom

Killed the goat

Was high on, pot? cocaine? acid? NOPE! Bath Salts!!!

Was dressed in women’s clothing

Had the goat dressed in some pink stuff as well!

YEAH.. even the Fayette County folks found this SHOCKING!

So what does this THIS guy gotta do to make reparations on Mother’s Day? Either way, he’s set the bar high for the rest of us. Everyone should send this article to your mom so that she realizes HOW GOOD SHE HAS IT!

But, hey, Mark “Goat Cheese” Thompson, it woulda been a whole lot easier on everyone, ESPECIALLY YOUR MOM and your future cellmate, if ya had just put on the lady’s clothes, spilled the bath salts into a tub to make some serious suds, shaved yer legs and then simply had a “Calgon Take Me Away” afternoon, YA JAGOFF!!!

Welcome brand new Facebook Follower Larry who is our Jagoff Catcher for this story. This counts because Larry lives in Pgh and works in WV.