From mud huts, umqomboti and straightback to penthouses, expensive weaves and moet!

Rumblings – Chapter Nineteen

It was not because I was being a snob. I had grown up in a household where my mother laughed at these things. As a nurse, especially when she was at Baragwanath she used to come tell us how black families would bring a sangoma to pray for their sick relative. When they got better they would credit the sangoma and not the doctors and nurses who brought the person back to health. It used annoy her so much but she got over it. That’s how I knew my mother. She hated these things. Now she was saying that she must bring one of these people into our home to throw snuff and African beer into our house. Why? Because my sister snuffed cocaine and it twisted her brain! Did those ancestors she was calling to even know what cocaine was Mxim! I was so annoyed! Be realistic! Your child has a problem! It’s in the head!

My sister and I did not share a father. Please don’t get me wrong I loved her nonetheless. Is it not true that it’s the mother that matters because she will raise you with the express instruction that never call each other “step” or “half” sister. There are no halves in African culture! She is your sister and that’s all we know. The difference came from the fact that her father was actually married to my mother at some point hence why she had her father’s surname. She was Judith Mayepa when I was Faith Magongwa a.k.a sisters. I doubt very much there are still many families that were hundred percent intact in this day and age. Her father was not a doosh either. From what I hear from her relatives, the ones we still in contact with he was quite a stand up guy. He died when she was two so she hardly knew him. My father on the other hand was a rolling stone. He had kids everyone and did not give a fuck about anyone else but himself and his alcohol. Why then I often asked myself was that the guy who was the good guy had died leaving this bastard of a man to father me. I was ashamed of him. To know that you are one kid in an army whom he probably did not even remember by name is quite painful. My mother made it worse by the fact that we never ever spoke about him. I barely knew him meaning I did not know his relatives. This is why for me she had neither an excuse nor a reason why she was so twisted.

My mother said last time she checked this was still her house and I was to do as she said. She told me just because I was pregnant did not mean I could challenge her for I was still just a child myself. That was humbling. She reminded me that I still only had a matric certificate so I should not come into her house and start dictating things. That one hit home. I went back into my shell. This was the Faith she was used too. Quiet, timid, dutiful daughter and eager to please. Story of my life I tell you. It was a sour end to the evening as she went to her room and shut her door and I did the same.

In the morning she said she was not going to work. She asked me how far I was with the damages thing because the uncles were asking as a date had to be set. I desperately wanted to to tell her the truth that we were not together anymore but I could not find the words. I eventually lied and said he was not back yet from overseas where he had gone for work. A slight smile crept on her face. Black parents are always flattered when they hear the word “overseas”. I was putting myself in a bad position though and needed to come up with something.

It was before 9am when a taxi pulled up outside our house. My mother and I both went to the window to check. Out stepped my sister to the shock of our lives. She was supposed to be out today yes but we were supposed to go pick her up. My mother ran up to her though and gave her a big hug which seemed to annoy her very much. Forgotten was the fact that this girl had just tried to kill herself. I stayed inside.

When Judy came through the entrance she came and she hugged me.

“You seem angry at me little sister what’s wrong?”

She asked me.

“Judith how could you do this? How could you try kill yourself? How do you think it feels knowing your only sister and my child’s aunt does not want to live?”

I said to her my tears coming out. I did not like my sister but that does not mean I hated her.

“Leave her alone Faith!”

My mother said a little irritated that I was questioning her favorite daughter!

“No mum I want to know what makes it right for this! Do you know you have pushed mom to now bring sangomas here thinking maybe we have evil spirits in our house! Why Judith why? You have a mother and sister who adore you and a niece on her way who will love you to death?”

I asked her. My mother was red with anger now. Again I had questioned her. Judith looked totally unconcerned by our concern stood up, pulled out a cigarette and responded,

My girlfriend and her friends went on holiday in December and I believe something happened there that involved a man. I do not normally go through her phone but the weekend after she came back she was showing me some picture on her phone when she had to stand up. I ended up scrolling through her pictures and it was not even in a sneaky way. She had several pictures from that holiday were they were with guys (she says those guys they met them there in Moz). In 3 or 4 pictures two of the guys are posing with her touching her ass! I am so angry right now even as I write this. She said it was just a picture and a pose and because she was too drunk to remember she says it’s harmless. How is it harmless to have another man touch you like that and worse a stranger just because you are on holiday? I am a loyal faithful guy I do not cheat. I often give her my phone to keep and go through because I never want her to suspect me of anything then she goes on to do this. Everytime her friends come to visit since then, someone will say “Mozambique” and they all giggle as though they have a secret not to be mentioned. It’s torturing me. We have been dating 4years and in November I bought the ring. I am meant to propose on her birthday which on the 4th of February. Now there is this.

Please advise me on what to do. I asked her once and she said her girls had a pact that “what happened in Moz stayed in Moz!” I was so angry coz I fucken paid for that Moz trip and she tells me that! I dont know what to do.

Alfred my guy, I can literally feel the emotion and anger from your text. And it is going to cloud my judgement somewhat.

From what I’ve gathered in all my dealings, what you don’t know can’t harm you. If your partner is cheating, its best for them to make sure you never find out, cause finding out is… Well, suicidal.

Since you know, or rather have strong suspicions, a picture to add fuel, and a stupid pact of No-Tell…. You need to level with your woman. There is absolutely no way in hell you are to propose until you know the truth. If she was too drunk and let them touch her ass, and be too drunk to remember, who is to say nothing more happened? I don’t like this, it gave me creeps thinking about it.

I don’t know what you gonna do, but she needs to tell you the truth, from where I’m standing, that girl thinks you a fool. Imagine paying for the damn trip for your woman to go screw some big d*cked portugease speaking Mozambican. Talk about a raw deal.

Jackzorro you couldn’t have said it better, Al my man, get the truth, or let it go. 4 years is a long time I know but rather leave now before kids get involved and it gets ugly, going through that ish right now man. If she can’t tell you the truth, take that ring back and get yourself something nice man.

Alfred, What you are going through is very painful, I suggest you sit your woman down and let her know the seriousness of the matter and that she needs to fully disclose what happened in Mozambique. If you still feel like you are being lied to then I strongly suggest you put off the engagement. If you are going to wife someone you must be able to trust that person to go off on holiday and not lose any sleep over it… mo tlogele ntate

Oh my word Alfred, let me first say. Im so sorry man. My husband has banned me from taking any more holidays away without him. And trust me im not the tjatjarag kind of girl. but now i get why he did it. If the friends respected you and your relationship, they would not be mentioning Moz and giggling in your presence in your house. Even if youre not the prying kind. It is wrong. I think you must seat her down and mention that you are uncomfortable no scrap that, you totally dont like other men being too comfortable with her. It is her duty to make sure other men know that she is not available. It sucks that you got dealt a bad hand. I would say hold up on the engagement. She needs to start acting like she wants to be wifed first – otherwise youre wasting your time.

I never comment because most of the time I agree with what JackZorro says

M sorry but this time I don’t agree with you JackZorro. Alfred believe if something had happened in Mozambique your lady wouldn’t have shown you the pictures or leave you with her phone for that matter. As a girl its very hard to cheat on a guy you love and you know he loves you back. You are angry yes I get that but please don’t allow yourself to lose the woman you love over a picture. Yol are gonna get get married and believe there are guys that are gonna ask her out, are you gonna leave her because of that?? All m saying is don’t leave your lady because of silly things. Talk to your woman you might fight you are angry over just a picture. Communucation is key, tell her how you feel about this picture and everything. I wish you all the best and hope you take a decision that will benefit you in the long run.

Thank you Bra Mike. It is so sad that there are Mothers like Faith’s Mom, what Faith is going through is similar to what I went through but difference is, I was the older one. I guess I was also paying for the sins of my father.

@ Alfred, You remind of how I almost got dumped by my boyfriend over a picture I took with a guy and a friend. The guy was in the middle and his hands over our shoulders, and to this day, I don’t understand what was the issue. Worse of all, I barely new his name but just that we were doing some course together and took a picture.

Nonetheless, I stopped taking photos with guys just to nurse his insecurities. Don’t lose the woman of your dreams because of some harmless photos, you also know how you guys are like, opportunists, and that is exactly what those guys were.

Thanks Mike.
A to Q: 1. Do not propose bhuti, there is nothing worse than starting a life built on lies and suspicions.
2. ‘What happens in Moz stays in Moz – se voet!’ – no such pact esp when you have her and her friends giggling about it – in front of you!!! That is down right rude and bayakujwayela bakwenza islima!! Nnxxx… Am pissed for days! I don’t understand how other women think – Here you are with a guy that loves and trusts you; even pays for your holiday with your friends – and what do you do??!? Ubonga nge plate lama$imba!! Forgive me, but I’m pissed!
DO NOT PROPOSE UNTIL SHE COMES CLEAN AND UNDERSTANDS THE MAGNITUDE OF HER ACTIONS!!!

Alfred your gilrfriend and her friends are behaving like Asthandile and Khanyi when they were plotting against Mxolisi and we all know how that turned out. Hold off the engagement until you are certain your still have a woman. Friends are evil, and some of us ladies are too naive to see that. Like Asthandile she probably thought she was smart in Moz but I think she just got played because the friends hinting on it like that, they probably want to replace her.

i really agree with you hey.why the “frickadill” do they have ds stupid pact if they’ve got nothing to hide? and your girlfriend even has the nerve to tell you straight about the pact. haai your girlfriend has balls of steel shame.

and the friends! haai shame i dnt like this friends serious.how can they just giggle like that in front of you, mos ba go gakatsa batho ba.

Unless you find out what really happened at that trip, you won’t get any peace of mind. Hold off on the engagement, the last thing you want is to find yourself committed to this woman only to discover the “crazy” happenings of this trip. Rather let her tell you and you take a conscious decision based on that truth.

But taking a chill pill on this is not recommended, it’ll just weigh you down

Nice work Mike
Mr Alfredo, you over reacting dude, just chill.
For someone planning to get married, u need to get rid of the insecurity bone out ur system “its a killer’. Even you intentionally giving her your phone so she checks it, is a bad sign going forward.
They could be giggling to anything “strip club or even maybe danced on pole”.
I’m married and i trust, will never dig. That shit can turn u into psychopath bro, coz anything can be an issue dead phone battery, stuck in traffic, working later, even taking a shower after a hot day.
It might that you want to upgrade her status, and butterflies will make u think such. Ive been there.
Don’t let that seed manifest into a cancer in your relationship. Talk to her and trust my brother.

Is it in your girlfriend’s nature to cheat, as in has she ever cheated before? I must tell you that it is quite rare for a woman to cheat when she genuinely loves her man. I agree with the other readers, she wouldn’t have let you go through her pics knowing that she cheated while in Moz. Another thing, was this her first vac without you? If it is then you could be suspicious because she’s never gone away without you. You need to trust your woman. If it’ll make you feel better, sit her down and tell her that the constant giggles she makes with her friends about Moz make you uncomfortable. Furthermore, the pics you saw have made you uneasy. Good luck. Don’t lose your woman over petty pictures.

This part of Rumblings reminds of a painful truth in the families; there are kids who are allowed to commit crime and there are those whose minor crime is a major crime. Think of Muvhango about that Thuli and sister.

QnA
Let us understand one of the rules. What happens in Vegas (Moz) stays in Vegas (Moz) simply means we are not going to even discuss it amongst ourselves unless there is an absolute need to. That is what the friends missed on that rule!

As KaManyosi has said, women are defending each other out of nothing. I do think that something(s) happened there. As LeeLady has said, I also dont think that what happened included sleeping with another guy, the friends would have been a little discreet on that unless they really despise you. BUT whatever they did will really PISS YOU off if you find out. On the other hand, if your woman has gone with friends not in relationship (most of them) then there can be a slight possibility of one night stand there while if most are married or in a relationship, then that possibility is slimmer (my ignorant guess).

If you feel in-case whatever happened did not include sleeping with another guy will not affect your decision, then propose. But if you feel it does, DONT PROPOSE.

Alfred. Sorry Bro, it might be innocent, you know your woman better we dont, but if what happened in Moz was suppose to stay in Moz, then why the hell did they take pictures and why do they feel a need continue reminiscing and gigle about it knowing good and damn well that someone who paid for this is not comfortable with it. Ey but these pictures nazo.

“I did it because I felt like it” what the F* who does that. ay this child has real issues, I wonder what they are. QnA have to agree with LeeLaddy on this one. you might even find nothing serious happened, she was just having fun, no harm intended

Short short short,A2Qwhy would she bring back pics of her with jst “A” guy touchin’ her *ss?I’d be worried too,I dnt thnk you’l get any answers should you ask her thou,just don’t propose yet coz ya not sure,sometimes its great to allow ur woman to go to such thngs coz mostly thts where n whn thy mostly reveal their true colours(nt all).jst continue loving her n see whr it leads n until ur certain bout her

My brother what u getting is a raw deal. Your woman has no respect for you and ain’t loyal to you. M not gonna say she did anything in Moz but her attitude n conduct leaves less to be desired. As a sponsor for her trip to b told what happens in Moz stay in Moz like honestly. It reli says u that nice guy who takes all the crap hence even the friends can overlook you like that. If what happen in Moz stays in Moz why the reminiscing of it.

As much as she might have not done any adultry u need to ask yourself if she is the woman that will be loyal n respect n listen to you because from your text you come second to her friends n she’s most likely to always listen n favor them over you.

Tell you what this Durban July halla lets go bowling n whatever happens there will definitely stay there lol that must a hard pill yhoo …

QnA Bafoza you are curious of what the hell happend@ Moz, but to be honest you won’t know the truth, you want to know…and that will only make you angry 2be honest just ask her if she had fucked anyone in the trip, trust me whether she lies or tell the truth you will be free at some point, and eventually you will forgive her.

Honestly, I think your first mistake was paying for her trip. Why couldn’t she pay for it herself? Problem is that now you think you have some sort of claim over the trip when if she had paid for herself, you wouldn’t have such a claim. In any case, you’ve already paid and there’s nothing you can do about it now.

Alfred, remember that marriage is forever, so the question becomes whether you’trust her or not. You can’t allow yourself to marry someone you don’t trust. Don’t propose before you’ve sorted out these trust issues. Getting married will not solve these trust issues.

All this probably needs is solid communication between yourselves. A conversation with her, in sober mind, will be a lot more helpful than asking readers who don’t know your personal circumstances.

Mhhhhh Alfred I feel for u coz going 4ward u’ll never see that woman u luved en wanted 2 marry in her until u talk about it all. I’ve seen it happen right in my face and yes I lost the man I luved so dearly coz he started seeing things that I never knew and all this time if I try to bring him to lite I’d be damn lying. So pls talk to her and be honest about how u feel right now. Gud luck

Thanx mike for a great read. I would kill Judy if she were my sister really. Who on earth kills herself just because she feels like it? Nxa! This is really an eye opener. some people are just plain selfish.

A2Q: This is a very long one.
First of all Jackzorro, G and Kamanyozi and your Groupies. you are Home Wreckers, and probably very insecure in your relationships. That’s why you are giving advice like that. If all of you dump your partners because you think they are cheating then you will die ALONE and LONELY.
Wena Alfred, what you are feeling is not 6th sense that your girl is cheating, it’s commitment Jitters. You know your woman better than anyone, sit down and think. Is she the type that cheats? Nolucci, Preccie and Lesego are right. you are getting your tights in knots over nothing. Listen to Nthabi, LeeLady, Abisola and Datnigga. I f your woman had something to hide she could have deleted those photo’s and Moz wouldn’t be mentioned in your house.
Let me open your eyes a bit. We girls are natural flirts (not the stuck up ones though). When we go clubbing, on holiday or just out to lunch, we flirt with every cute guy we speak to. We like knowing that we still have the power to make a man weak at the knees. because if you men can be honest with yourselves, when the Relationship hits the 2year mark you no longer look at us like your heart just stopped a bit over our sexiness. so we flirt, and it ends there.
Don’t let paranoia ruin the beautiful life you have build with your woman. as for your woman’s friends comments and giggles, it might be to get you curious. It I still wrong for her to bring the pics back especially when she was that comfortable with the guy, and you should tell her how you feel about it and her friends should put a stop to talking abut it when you are around.
Remember, when you talk to her, don’t interrogate her. speak to her like would a friend that went on holiday and you wanna know about the trip and all the exciting things she did there.

Don’t over react until you know the truth. and you should take her word for it. and remember Memoirs is fiction book written by A Very Talented Ma. I didn’t see where Mike said it was “BASED ON A TRUE STORY”. So ignore what Asthandile did. your woman is not Asthandile. The fact that their names are not even the same should be a good start for you.

LMAO Home Wrecker, on the contrary I am actually the number one relationship saver, but let me put it to you this way, you say “we girls” so I assume you’re a woman, if your man had a picture on his phone with another chick looking all comfy would you be cool that it was just harmless flirting and nothing happened, with the fact that they were drunk?

I am all for saving relationships, I didn’t say he must dump her just purely find the truth and take it from there, we don’t want a guy to go commit suicide a few years down the line because we thought it’s nothing then the truth comes out.

Thank you Mike and team
A-man if you don’t trust please leave her in peace. Why did you allow her to go with her friends if you’ll end up so cruelly jealous. You can keep your ring until you man up. We tired of stupid men ego. Grow up hha

@ QnA ah bro if ther is one reason most relationships end up being doomed, hearts get broken and people who were once so close n inlove end up being enemies and whats not its because of such ish*** you need to learn to communicate with ur partner tell her how u feel about what happened and how it is disturbing ur inner peace hay…level with her and ask her how she wud feel if u were the one on a vacation and spanking some moz chicks ass, communicate bro and set boundaries in ur relationship, tell ur woman what u wont tolerate and be firm and stand ur ground as a man… i wont beat around the bush but i blame u for all of this…your woman wudnt do all of this and her friends wud also not act all b**** around u….u need t0 take control and have a strong character if u still wanna be with this woman coz bliv u me this is just the beginning hay…i for one wud say hold on to that ring bro…take ur tym, do some self introspection and ask ur self if u r ready to be commited to someone who has so much power over u ah….

Well we definitely don’t see magnitudes of iSituation the same way as guys why not confront her and explain how u feel and maybe she’ll see things in your eyes and actually level with u what went down mara us girls nathi ascabangi. Act quick 4th Feb is almost here and goodluck.

Dear Alfred
There are issues of going away with your friend. And you they went to Moz the friendliest place…where people from the are genuinely sweet…,foreign country you make foreign friends…where we are about their tradition. Where they shop,buy edible foo. You cannot be in a country and not friends.
Try going away le wena with your friends and life e monate Ko Moz