BRAVOTeresa Giudice, right, and Kathy Wakile calmy talk through their differences on the second half of the "Real Housewives of New Jersey" reunion show. Yeah, right.

"Real Housewives of New Jersey" star Teresa Giudice does not sweat the small stuff. That's what she took away from Victoria Wakile's bout with a brain tumor a few years ago, Teresa says on the rather livelier second half of the "Real Housewives" reunion. "That's why I always have a positive attitude. You shouldn't take these petty things so seriously," Teresa says. Of course she says this after she and Kathy Wakile, Victoria's mom, argue a bit about exactly how many times Teresa visited Victoria in the hospital. Reunion show host Andy Cohen, not to mention the rest of America, isn't buying it. "It seems you've gotten derailed by very small things -- something she writes on a card to you, or the cookies, those things seem a little petty," he asks Teresa. Well, if someone goes at you, you're going to go back at them, Teresa reasons. Yes, Melissa Gorga's offering of sprinkle cookies was a shot over the bow, for sure. Who knows, after all, what lurked in that batter?

In a night of some pretty outrageous accusations and revelations, that one certainly took the cake. Or, as Teresa would insist, the pignoli cookie.

The first skirmish arises when Andy brings up the infamous christening and Kathy's comment that Teresa's daughter was "left alone," i.e. .... UNATTENDED! (Dr. Evil pinky to lip here!) Andy confirms that indeed, footage shows that baby Audriana was unattended. No, Teresa does not deck Andy, although in her mind, it would be entirely warranted. "No mom wants to be attacked on their child," non-answers Teresa. "If she was a good cousin, she wouldn't have said that to me." Kathy erupts: "She's a bad wife. I'm a bad cousin. She's a bad person." Caroline Manzo: "She took your child out of danger. She's a good cousin because she did what I would want somebody to do." Teresa sticks to her original story -- that Kathy ducked out of the party when things got rough.

"She's (bleeping) insane," Caroline mutters to Melissa.

Kathy tells Teresa that she wheeled Audriana out and handed her off to Joe Giudice's sister Maria. Teresa, grudgingly: "If you did, I didn't see that. Thank you."

What other small stuff is Teresa not sweating? That Kathy and Rich invited the Gorgas to spend Christmas with them -- after all, the Gorgas weren't exactly chummy with the Giudices at that point. But there had been an attempt at reconciliation, so the Gorgas came by the Giudices' home on Christmas for a visit (an hour, Teresa says; three, Melissa counters). Teresa always spends Christmas with her brother, so she resents Kathy for ruining her Christmas. Caroline can't keep her mouth shut any longer: "You were together. You took that hour and ruined it." Teresa: "It's about family. It's about the children." Caroline: "Be grateful for that hour. Don't turn it into a problem." Teresa: "I wanted the whole night." Caroline: "Well, you're selfish. It's not about your family. It's about you and only you."

Then Melissa says she didn't exactly feel welcome at the Giudices, and that feeling was confirmed when she saw the episode in which someone -- Joe Giudice? -- called her a raccoon face behind her back. Teresa, hilariously: "He wasn't calling you a raccoon face. He was talking about Kathy."

Another battle breaks out when Andy brings up the song that Gia sang at Milania's birthday party. You remember? The one that nearly made you dump gasoline on your TV set and set it ablaze? (Really? That was only me?) Teresa says it hurt her to see Gia so upset. "I asked her, 'Gia, do you see Mommy trying? Do you think I should do more?' She's like, 'No, Mommy, I see that you're trying. I just wish Joe would try back." Is Gia the new Deepak Chopra? To quote Danielle, puh-leeeese. Caroline tells Teresa it's inappropriate to have a conversation like that with a 10-year-old, and that Teresa exposes Gia to too much of her own drama. "What you did to that child with that song was wrong," Caroline says. Teresa should have taken Gia to another room and had her sing it in private, she says.

Teresa: "I think that it was a beautiful song."

Caroline: "I think it was a disgrace."

Kathy tries another tactic: "Knowing that this song was something that could be potentially emotional, singing it on national TV, don't you think that you could have proofread it first?" Teresa: "She wanted to surprise me ... I thought it would open my brother's eyes." Caroline: "You used your child as a tool." Teresa: "Go scratch."

The coldest moment of the reunion? Andy asks Teresa if she regrets any of the comments she made about Melissa, and when Teresa hems and haws, Teresa asks Melissa what she thinks. "What I think should be your biggest regret is saying that I married your brother for money. 'She liked my brother's money.' Those were your exact words." Teresa: "Okay, I'm trying to think what else, what else was there?" Maybe Teresa is under the impression that a gold digger is a valid career choice. Maybe that's what her career aptitude assessment revealed. Who knows? Melissa is pretty taken aback, but whips out her smart phone and starts reeling off other zingers, including Teresa calling her a cold bitch, Teresa revealing that Joe Gorga owed someone money (that's chutzpah), and saying that Melissa filled her husband's head with poison against his family. Teresa goes for door number three.

When Andy poses the same question to Melissa, she knows immediately which comment was her low: The bit where she says pointedly that she and Joe pay their bills. "My husband was really pissed off at that," Teresa says. Melissa backpedals a little, saying she at least did not add, "Unlike Joe and Teresa Giudice." Teresa: "Own it. Own it."

It may have been three against one, but Andy certainly busted Caroline's chops a little. He brought up Gov. Christie's decision to fire Al Manzo from the North Jersey District Water Supply Commission because of residency issues, fired off a question from a viewer about Caroline "meddling" in the other housewives' affairs, and raised the question of her estrangement from sister Dina Manzo, the former "Real Housewives of New Jersey" star who quit midway through the second season.

That last tidbit really gets the ladies going. Caroline says that she adores Dina, would do anything for her, but Dina is no longer speaking to her. "She was led to believe a lot of things that are not true." "By ..." Andy prompts. Caroline: "Do you really want to know? Pope, bears, Catholic, woods etc. Caroline: "She has a good friend that likes to talk and she says things to her that aren't true against me and Jacqueline." She looks at Teresa. And just in case Teresa isn't getting it, she says, "Teresa, I'm looking at you." Teresa pshaws. Caroline says she and Jacqueline have texts and emails backing up her claims. "I would love for you to prove it," Teresa says. Melissa says that Teresa and Dina are now buddy-buddy, but six months ago, Teresa told her she hated Dina.

Finally, we learn what's at the root of the alienation: "She claims I never supported her, and Teresa's a big part of it," Caroline says. "When you get into this world, the fame, your mind isn't right. You drink the Kool-Aid." Teresa pounces: Didn't Caroline tell someone that about Teresa, and yet Caroline always claims she never talks about Teresa? "I talk about you all the time," Caroline tells her coolly. "I don't like you."

Teresa then continues to proclaim how "real" she is, which prompts Caroline to deliver this devastating attack: "I could choose to be in the tabloids, but I choose to be a mother to my children." Yes, Caroline will take Kathy's "unattended" and raise her, in essence, one "lousy mother." Teresa is flabbergasted. "Oh my God, what happened to you? No wonder why Dina doesn't want to speak to you." Caroline: "You happened to me, and you happened to these people." Aspersions are cast about exactly how full of poop each of the ladies are. There's even a "You said it first" from Teresa, but surprisingly no "I'm rubber, you're glue." Caroline: "You're saying I'm full of (bleep) is the biggest compliment in the world. Thank you, because the day I have your approval about character or the way to act or the way to behave is the day I go and cry in the corner."

BRAVOCaroline Manzo, left, and Melissa Gorga. You will be surprised to learn that Melissa is not thanking Jesus in this photo.

Other notes and observations:

-- Wasn't the exchange between Teresa and Caroline about Caroline's relationship with Kim G., the mother of Chris Manzo's good pal, odd? We get a flashback to the Gorga Christmas party -- lord, it feels like a thousand years ago -- where Caroline confronts Kim G. about sticking around where she's not wanted. In response to a viewer question, Caroline says that it had no effect on her son's relationship with Kim's son. That prompts Teresa to muse: "Your son and her son were best friends, but you never liked her. That's kind of weird ... I stuck by you. Because of you, I never spoke to Kim G. I had your back with Kim G." Huh? Wasn't Kim G.'s friendship with Danielle Staub the major stumbling block to a friendship with the rest of the gals? Caroline's not buying it either: "You had my back because there was strength in numbers against Kim G."

-- As much as I wish Jacqueline Laurita could have been at the reunion, I really wish Ashley, sorry, ASHLEE could have been there to take a few pointed questions from viewers. Like, why are you such a tool? Andy asks Caroline how she felt about one of ASHLEE's more devastating comments of the season, about how her stepfather Chris Laurita (Caroline's brother) can't buy a relationship with her. (Not because it wouldn't work, in our opinion, but because Chris, well-off as he is, simply doesn't have the budget for it. Warren Buffett doesn't have the budget for it.) Caroline says the remark hurt Chris, but after that episode aired, ASHLEE texted Chris and told him she didn't mean it. "Has ASHLEE watching herself on the show made her aware of her actions at all?" Andy wonders. Caroline: "No."

-- After much back-and-forth about who copies whom, Teresa defended her decision to buy a dress that she saw Melissa wearing thusly: "It was the dress that looked the best on me."

-- Andy tut-tuts Teresa about Joe Giudice's use of a gay slur, but Teresa don't get the point. "They call each other that all the time," she says, presumably meaning Joe Giudice, Joe Gorga and Rich. "Your husband uses two words a lot that are bad and you know the two I'm talking about," Melissa says. Andy: "Teresa, it's not right. You gotta know at this point that you can't speak like this." Teresa tries a variation on the ol' "My best friend is gay, so it's okay." Caroline actually comes to Teresa's defense, sort of, by saying that she doesn't think Joe Giudice is being malicious when he uses the slur. He's just, you know, stupid. Okay, she actually says "uninformed" and "not educated." Teresa, snippily: "Not un-ducated, that's it." I hope whoever does the subtitles for this show gets a bonus for translating Teresa. Another whopper, from earlier in the show? "I distant myself from them," she says in reference to Kathy and Rich.

Well, another season and countless brain cells down. Thanks for reading. Until "Real Housewives" returns, I'll just have to spend my Sunday nights with another rampaging band of id-driven harpies. Yes, I'll be watching "The Walking Dead."