Katy Perry Covers ‘Marie Claire,’ Talks Divorce, Kids, John Mayer

The 29-year-old singer, who evokes a seductive pop princess on the cover of the January 2014 issue, opens up about not having kids with ex-husband, Russell Brand, and her darkest hours following their December 2011 split.

“[Brand] really wanted me to have children, and I knew I wasn’t ready – I think it was a way of control,” she revealed to the mag. “I think it was part of, If I have a kid, then I would have to sacrifice – I’d have to be home more. I really wanted to, but I knew I wasn’t ready for it. It wasn’t like, ‘Hey, let’s have a kid because we’re in love.'”

After the couple split — which Brand initiated by sending her a text — Katy retreated and coped in an interesting way. “There were two weeks of my life after I found out the truth of my marriage where I was like, ‘OK. All right. I can’t feel this. This is too intense right now,'” she explained. “I was, like, just eating Flamin’ Hot Cheetos and drinking, and that’s it.”

The Prism artist also dished that the divorce affected her relationship with on-and-off beau, John Mayer, and it caused her to take a “break from my boyfriend, not one that I wanted.”

“It was like a splash of cold water to search inward on what was going on with me. That is what let me to this new awakening, this realizing, If I don’t do some self-love, I’m not going to be able to keep the love that I want,” she added. “I still needed to deal with all of my ex-husband stuff. I hadn’t. It’s almost like if I kept talking about it, it would seem like I actually cared about it. I don’t.”

The Katy-centered issue hits newsstands on December 17, but KatyCats can check out her feature on MarieClaire.com.