Tuesday, September 27, 2005

The Bob Dylan documentary by Martin Scorcese was on PBS tonight and I almost jizzed my pants I was so excited. They showed parts from this old documentary shot in 1966 called Eat the Document that never ended up being released and all these old folk singers and Dylan himself talking and him singing old songs and him looking like a sexy ass beast back in the day and his old girlfriend Suze Rotolo who's on the cover of the Freewheelin' Bob Dylan with him and the live version of Like a Rolling Stone that literally gives me goosebumps IT'S SO FUCKING AWESOME and I'm going to stop now before I jizz again.

So um, I didn't write a paper that was due today. Instead I just cried all last night because I was so overwhelmed and had no idea how to even BEGIN to do it. So um....that means I'm dropping the class which leaves me with 19 hours I have to take next semseter. THAT'S SEVEN FUCKING CLASSES. SEVEN. I swear I'm dreaming about the number seven because that's all I can think about. I can't take a class over the summer because that would mean I couldn't graduate until December and I want my fucking graduation party in June goddamnit. Oh, plus my parents would kill me, I guess that's important to mention too. I also decided that I will not tell them what I'm planning on doing because.....well actually I don't know why because they'd just say what they always say, "Four years Kate, four years." Christ I hate myself.

Keri called me this past Sunday and after only talking for a minute, her phone cut off. AND YOU DIDN'T CALL ME BACK. What the fuck? You resort to leaving me a goddamn comment instead of a phone call? I don't deserve that. I mean god, it's not like I started crying after I read what you wrote because I miss you like a banshee; it was because I'm a pre-menopausal woman. (There's this commercial here in the States, which is what I think you have to call it now, where this mom talks about her 21 year old daughter dying from heart disease and I cry EVERY TIME I see it. Christ on a crucifix, I didn't think I'd start acting like mom this early in life). But anyways, I have so many things to tell you. Like how I GAINED .7 pounds when I weighed myself last Thursday (I blame it on the fact that I had to pee when I stepped on the scale), how I love this song by Sufjan Stevens called Sister (you're my sister!), how the White Sox are still ahead 2 games, but you gotta keep your fingers crossed girl, don't become obsessed with rugby or something, how Brother Bear drank from 3pm-1am Saturday and I was so damn proud of him and the prank phone call some girl at Emily's work got:

Girl: Who is this?Guy: A lotta vagina.Girl: C'mon, really, who is this?Guy: Big penis.Girl: You better tell me who you are.Guy: Hard nipples.

She actually called the police and wanted to file a sexual harassment case against him. I'm dying for someone to prank call me like that now. But um, I guess that's it. As you can tell, you're missing a whole lot over here across the pond. I'm glad you're having a good time smoking your fags, getting pissed on Guinness and eyeing your housemate. I remember telling Emily, before you even said it, that you'd end up sleeping with one of your roommates. I know you too well. It's like we're SISTERS or something. I love you I love you I love you too and I'll see you so fucking soon it's not even funny.

And finally, I would like to say HAPPY 25H BIRTHDAY Billy Jack! Don't worry, I haven't forgotten that I owe you a golden shower. I know how you much love those. My present to you is the DVD of Pete's Dragon (hold your breath for it). And my unconditional love. Don't forget that. Bill just saved $120 on his car insurance, bitches.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Keri's gone. My sister is gone. My best friend is gone. TO ANOTHER COUNTRY FOR 4 MONTHS. How dare you, you stupid bitch. That means no more calling you at work as I walk to class almost every day, asking you some inane question like "Do you remember the movie Pete's Dragon?!" or replying to voicemails that ask me to get your liscense back after you get a speeding ticket and telling me how you lost even MORE weight. God how I'm going to miss that. I cried a lot on Sunday (did you know that?), but now I'm ok. I called mom after they got back from the airport on Monday, to ask if she was okay, thinking "She'll be crying and that means I can cry more." Nope, mom was fine, saying she had cried enough already. Damnit. I really wish you'd CALL OR SOMETHING, just so we know you got there safe and sound, but as mom said, "no news is good news", so I'm sticking with that. Thanks for letting me borrow your tv (I have a remote! I'm spoiled now). I've said you were the best in the past, but I really mean it this time. I hope you have a wonderful fucking time in the homeland, I know you will. Just try not to forget about me. I AM YOUR SISTER AFTER ALL. No one can take my place, NO ONE. I know I've told you a billion times, but start a blog while you're there, so you don't forget anything. Plus then we can be like, internet buddies, or something. I'm eating half a bag of Fit & Active Rice Cakes in your honor right now. Just thought you'd like to know. I love you hobo.

So we actually DID go camping on Friday. I took about 8000 pictures with my friends digital camera and I can't wait til she puts them online. Good times, bitches, we had good times. We were only there from 9pm Friday to noon on Saturday, but we made the most of our time. Not really, we just drank and ate, but in my mind that counts. Maybe it would have been better if I didn't have to share a tent with two other people when it was really made for two small children. At least we were warm. Until we woke up and it was 80 degrees out. That made it kind of awkward when I realized my hand had traveled onto places it shouldn't have been. But heeeeey, just go with the flow, aight? Quit getting so uptight about that shit.

I only have one thing to say about the White Sox. YOU WILL BE THE CAUSE OF MY DEATH FROM A HEART ATTACK AT AGE 21. GodDAMNIT. Yeah, the games are exciting, but I wish I still bit my nails or did heroin to calm me down while watching them. My brother is in Ohio and doesn't get to watch the games (even when they play the Indians - another reason Ohio blows) so I have to play sports announcer when we talk online during the games. I think I might have a new career if this keeps up. Everything I say to him is stolen from Hawk and DJ, the Sox announcers, but isn't that how you get through life? By stealing and cheating? I thought so.

This week is going to blow. I can't wait for next semester already. My Civil War and Reconstruction class sucks ass, bitches.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Already today I have done my orientation for MY NEW JOB, finished a paper TWO DAYS BEFORE IT WAS DUE and LOST FIVE POUNDS. And it's only 2:19 pm. The day is still young so I'm thinking I might work on a cure for cancer. The skys the limit now, bitches.

So the going-to-all-my-classes-each-week business is over. It was great while it lasted, but I could only keep up that facade for so long. And three weeks, I found out, is my breaking point. This week I'm 5 for 9. If I was a baseball player this would be a great stat, so I'm just going to look at it that way.

So on orders from my sister, I have to tell you all about our wonderful weekend. We finished off another bottle of Captain and by the time it was done Saturday we were still looking for more to drink. We are troopers, motherfuckers. On Friday night we were to Chandler's who lives 10 feet away from cornfields. I always tell people I live in cornfields, but I don't think I had every been THAT close to them my entire time here. My friend Nick went into the cornfield and brought some ears back. All of the kernels ended up either down our shirt or in our drink. I've been finding random kernels all over the place still. Just last night I found one in my purse. God, do we know how to party or what. Saturday we just stayed at my place and some friends came over, one of whom was drunk and freaking me out, so I told him to go home. He doesn't go to school here and he was drunk beyond belief, but it didn't register in my head that he MIGHT have a hard time finding his way home. What is supposed to be a 10 minute walk turned into about an hour for him. I still don't care though. Don't get so drunk next time, dumbass.

Sorry, Keri I know I didn't do our weekend any justice, but it was a fucking good time. Just chill, she's with my bud. Oh Brother Bear. Sometimes I wonder about his homosexuality. Then last night he told me he went to a Girls Gone Wild party. I promptly told him, "I don't need to know THAT much about your social life at school." But inside I was so damn proud of him. Maybe there's still hope for him yet. But anyways, this is our last weekend together for ELEVEN weeks, so we gotta live it up bitch. I am going to miss you like a goddamn banshee. A GODDAMN BANSHEE. The tears are going to be flowing on Sunday. I don't even want to think about it yet.

So I am now a working woman. Making minimun wage and barely working 10 hours a week, but still. Just let me be excited. At least now I can afford more than one Guinness in Ireland. Hell, I might go crazy and bring enough money for THREE of them. Then I'd be living the high (and broke) life. It'll be well worth it though.

I might be going camping this Friday with Keri, 2 of my friends and 2 of her friends, and I am fuckass excited.We always get ideas to do shit like this, and it never happens, but this time it looks like it actually might. I just hope it doesn't rain on my goddamn parade.

It's taking me forever to write this because I keep watching the Sox game, so I'm outta here. Jenn, I'm not promising a drunk phone call, but I'll try. Don't forget to tell Damian I said happy birthday. Good lord, he's seven already. Growing up right before my very eyes. Have a wonderful weekend bitches.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Have I lost any weight yet?What the fuck are Flex Points?Will the treadmill make too much noise and annoy the people below us?How are we even going to get the fucking thing up the stairs?I can't believe the library called again.I'm hungry.What job will they make me interview for this time?Maybe I'll get the job with Emily at UP.I'll make more money there anyways.I've been laying here for a goddamn HOUR ALREADY.Or I could get both of them and make a shitload of money.Stop getting your hopes up.I don't know how to do the histiography for class.There's no way I can write a 25 page paper.I'm hungry.What am I going to eat for dinner tomorrow?I can't wait for the Gilmore Girls season premiere.I don't want Keri to leave for Ireland.Being on a 10 hour flight TERRIFIES ME.I can't wait to go to the bar tomorrow.What time is Mom picking me up Thursday?I probably should have read for class tomorrow.I haven't seen her since August 17th.I should apply at Copy Services tomorrow.I'm taking a nap as soon as I get back from getting Keri's liscense tomorrow.I hope I wake up to my alarm at 8:30.I'm so tired.

With all this running through my head NO WONDER I CAN'T FUCKING SLEEP.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Keri might be coming to visit me either tomorrow or Saturday. You better not bail on me hobo, because I'm already super duper excited. Some excited I just said "super duper". There is no higher level of excitement. Captain Morgan, along with myself, awaits your arrival.

So I really did start a diet today. How interesting for you all, I'm sure. I was looking at some random pictures last night when I found one from the summer before I started college, three years ago. I nearly had a heart attack. I've really "let myself go" these past few years, not that myself three years ago was much either. But good lord. I'm ashamed of myself and really hope that picture was the kick in the ass I needed to start eating better. My goal is to lose 25 pounds by the time I go to Ireland on Novemeber 19th. I just want to impress the homeland, that's basically all it comes down to. That and I'll have a better chance of having sex with an Irish guy.

My brother is going to join a frat. I knew this was going to happen. DAMN YOU OHIO. I was trying to presuade him out of it earlier and he goes "You don't know them, they're good guys." Don't you dare get all Jerry-Springer on my ass, bitch. Maybe THEY don't know ME. How now brown cow?

I have to go to the library tomorrow early tomorrow (as in noon) to sift through and find archives relative to my thesis paper. I could have done this today, but what did I do instead? Go home and watch tv. What did I watch? The Gilmore Girls. This addiction needs to stop already. It's preventing me from doing my homework and even coke never did that. But so help Luke if he doesn't accept Lorilei's marriage proposal. SO HELP YOU GOD.

I love this new band called Band of Horses. I hate real horses though. With a passion. Oh the irony, bitches.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Three weeks of classes and I haven't missed one so far. I think it might be a new record. Well I guess technically it hasn't been three full weeks yet, but still. I'm proud of myself.

The White Sox have won six games in a row. If they fuck this up in their last 24 games I'm going to kill myself and the whole team. I have a giant crush on Paul Konerko. Katie Konerko. I like it.

I was doing the crossword puzzle in an old People Magazine today and one of the clues was "____ Dragon (1977 animated Disney film). PETE'S DRAGON. I used to love that movie when I was a kid. Does anyone else remember that movie? I want to watch it now.

I hate my hair right now and wish it was long again. I'm not going to cut it until May WHEN I GRADUATE COLLEGE. That's still a scary sentence to say outloud.

I got a postcard from my mom the other day and on it she wrote that they went to a "Shaker village yesterday and had a tour - did you know there were only 4 Shakers left in the US?" First of all, thanks for the trivia question and secondly, what the fuck are Shakers? Rejected Quakers? I don't get it.

I might, MIGHT be seeing B.B King this month. That is, if I can convince my dad he wants to see him too so that he buys the ticket for me. This is the second time he's coming to NIU while I'm here, plus he's fucking 80 years old. If I pass this up I might never get another chance. I missed my chance to see Bo Diddley a year ago and I'm still mad at myself for it. Or I could go see Ciara with Emily when she comes for Homecoming. It's still a toss-up.

My friend Nick walked into my apartment Saturday and said "It smells like girl in here." I guess that means the flower-unicorn-rainbow-Summer's Eve perfume I bought is working.

My dad turns 53 on the 19th.Bill turns 25 on the 25th.Keri leaves for Ireland the 19th.I visit J.P on the 24th.I go home for the weekend on the 17th.I'm going on a diet TOMORROW, bitches.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Buried treasure. Pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. The lost city of Atlantis. My Jeff Buckley, Doves, Bob Dylan and Coldplay cds that I lost ALL IN THE SAME DAY. I have found something better than all four of these things combined. 3hive (Thank you Ms. Mac!) Dooce's husband is a part of this site, I found it when she mentioned it in an interview she gave. Bill, I think you would really like this site. It features mp3's that you can download from a shitload of different artists. I've already downloaded 16 of them since I found the site about 20 minutes ago. I can already tell I'm not going to sleep tonight. So if you want to check out some awesomeass music, go to that site. Now. That was my public service announcement for the day.

I had an interview for a job at the library on Tuesday and found out today that I didn't get it. Of course it sucks ass that I didn't get it, but I'm even madder that I don't get to call my mom and finally tell her that I got a job. How dare you take that away from me, library. I just want to make my mom proud goddamnit. Is that too much to ask? It's pretty much official that I will be going to Ireland with $7.00 in my pocket. I can't wait.

To top it all off, I'm not even drunk tonight. CAN THIS DAY GET ANY WORSE. I've already decided that tomorrow I will get a job, lose 50 pounds, AND get a boyfriend! All in 24 hours! Don't doubt me! Or I won't stop using exclamation marks!

I have a new obsession - The Cosby Show. I never really watched this show until a month or two ago, and now I watch it every night. I really don't know what else I would do without Nick at Nite. I hope there are some other Cosby show aficionados (christ it took me a long time to learn how to spell that word) because I have a question. The episode tonight was an earlier one, and there were four kids; Denise, Theo, Vanessa and Rudy. But in later episodes, isn't there another older sister, the one that gets married to Alvin and has the twins? Did she just magically appear in the later years or what? I could look this up on the internet, but you know how lazy I am. I need answers people, and I need them now.

Christ, I just read that the National Guard arrived in New Orleans tonight with orders to "shoot to kill hoodlums". Not that I blame them I guess, shit is getting scary down there. You would think (and wish) that people under these dire circumstances would come together to help each other out, but apparently that's not the case. I was watching some Dateline-20/20-Primetime Live type show yesterday, and they were interviewing some guy in Mississippi who's house was destroyed and now him, his wife and 2 kids were homeless. The guy interviewing him asked: "Do you feel any remorse about making your family move here?" As he was asking that, I'm thinking, asshole - he didn't move them here, knowing what would happen, why would you even put that thought in his mind? The guy answers, "It's the only thing I can think about. It's the father's job to provide for his family and I failed", with the saddest look on his face. Of course I started crying. Jesus Christ, how could you ask someone that question? I wanted to shoot the interviewer. But anyways, I hope things start to stablize there soon and the people start acting like decent human beings towards each other.

It's 3:30 am and I'm not even remotely tired. Goddamn you 2 1/2 hour nap. I have a long ass weekend ahead of me, so I better accomplish a thing or two, like get a job or work on my thesis paper, but we all know that won't happen. Something I can do however, is get drunk a lot. I leave you with this picture:

A moose copping a feel on my mom in Vermont. It's her lifelong dream to see a real moose, so her and my Dad are going on a "moose hunting" trip in Maine where they have a 90% or so chance of spotting one. Do they know how to have a good time or what? Happy Labor Day Weekend, bitches.