Role Models for Your Teen

By the time your children reach their teens, there is only a limited amount of time left to influence them and get them started in life in the right direction.

The teen years are a critical time for role models in your children's lives. Often you will find teens have a hard time talking to their parents. This isn't always the case, but even in the closest families, teens often feel more comfortable talking to another trusted adult about some of the things going on in their lives.

Of course you would prefer your teen would go to an adult when they need to talk something important out, instead of relying on their friends who may not have the insight an older, more experienced adult would have.

Obviously you have no real control over who your teen goes to for advice, but there are a number of ways you can steer your teen in the right direction.

The best chance your teen has for interacting with other adults is in extracurricular activities. There are all kinds of activities your teen can be involved with, here are some that come to mind: church youth group, scouts, sports, music, school clubs, community service, just to name a few. Personally I don't encourage parents to involve their teens in so many activities that it leads to burnout for both the parents and the teen, but carefully selected activities led by good and capable leaders will enrich your teen's life in a way few things can, and will increase the likelihood that your teen will establish a relationship with one of the group leaders.

One word of caution, however. Talk to your teen about their activities and get a feel for yourself the effectiveness of the group leader. Not to say that they have to excel in every way, but just make sure that they are a good role model, and not a negative influence in your teen's life. There is the potential of bad leaders in any activity, including in a church setting, and it is the parents' responsibility to make sure their teen is in a positive atmosphere, influenced by mature leaders.

Involvement in group activities is especially great for teens of single parents. Teens who don't have regular contact with mature adults of both sexes often have a hard time later in normal adult relationships. Being exposed to "normal" at this age very much increases the teen's chances of growing into a well-adjusted adult. I have seen this often with boys who are raised by their moms with not much influence or negative influence from their dads.

Placed into group settings, with responsible adult male leaders, these teen boys have much less difficulty transitioning into adulthood. It also takes of a lot of the pressure off the often overworked mothers.

From my own experience, I have found that often other adults can help my teen in ways that I can't, mostly due to big differences in our personalities. I am more of a quiet introspective thinker, and my daughter is very outgoing, and has a lot of potential leadership qualities that are hard for me to help her develop because I do not possess those qualities myself. Knowing how important it is to help her develop her natural abilities at this impressionable age, I make sure there are other adults in her life who can help influence her in ways I can't. My daughter and I are very close, but there are just a lot of things that I can't help her with, so I encourage her in developing relationships with adults who do have those abilities.

My daughter and I both respect our different abilities. It is very easy to be critical of people who are not like us, and parents and teens very easily fall into this trap. The best thing to do is be honest about your own abilities, and of the abilities of your teen, and do whatever is necessary to find outside influences for your teen. The more you can help your teen develop their abilities now, the less they will have to do on their own later (often, the hard way).

And don't forget, you are a role model too. Get involved in the lives of your teen's friends, or volunteer to help in a group activity in some way, even if only occasionally. There are teens out there who really need to hear what you have to say.

RELATED ARTICLES15 New Years and Holiday Resolutions For Parents
Have you made your usual New Year resolutions? You know the resolutions where you turn over a new leaf to get fit, steer away from junk food and start a savings plan. While you are reflecting on past bad habits and setting new directions for your personal life consider taking stock of your parenting as well.
MORAL ARMORS Irrational Parenting, Part II
Handing Down Malignancy.Children may begin bright and eager to face the world, but are often inundated with the conditioning of their fear-ridden predecessors speaking of lost dreams-taken by no one in particular.
Choosing the Perfect Jogging Stroller
When choosing the perfect jogging stroller, a very important question to ask yourself is whether you want a swivel or fixed wheel. The benefit of choosing a jogging stroller with a fixed wheel is that it will offer the stability and straight tracking that you will require.
Just Average
What do you mean average? Not good? Just doing good enough?That's what came out in Joshua's report card recently. Looking back, I wasn't too bright a child either.
Ten Reasons to Tell your Kids Stories
In today's busy world, many parents have lost the
art of telling their stories to their kids. Here are
ten reasons why these stories are so beneficial:1.
Build Character Now! Practical Tools for Busy Parents
"To educate a person in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to society." -Theodore Roosevelt, U.
Joining a Gang: How to Help Kids Prevent it, How to Tell if Theyve Joined One, How to Help Them Out
While youth gangs are nothing new -- they've been traced back to the early 19th century -- the demographic of a youth gang is something that is constantly changing. Many people stereotype gang members as urban, inner city males from racial minorities, but in fact gangs are a problem in suburbs as well as cities, for all races and for girls as well as boys.
Calming Tips for Hyperactive Children
Parents of hyperactive children know the "Would you please just settle down?!" phrase well, and likely use it on a regular basis.There are a number of tips to help parents settle their hyperactive child down.
Thirteen Values You Can Teach Through Homework
Are you a parent concerned about passing values on to your kids?
Do you worry that you can't find the time, or don't know how?
You don't need thirty-minute multi-media presentations!
You can do it with homework.
In those precious moments you spend supervising your child's
homework, here are thirteen values you can subtly pass on:1) Responsibility:
It's their homework, not yours, and it's them being assessed,
not you.
What is Child Sexual Abuse?
What is child sexual abuse? Any sexual activity that is imposed on a child by an adult or an adolescent is a sexual assault and abuse of the power of one person over another. This also includes experiences of child to child, teen to child, teen to teen, if there is an age difference of four or more years.
Helping Your Child Make and Keep Friends
What Children Look for in a Friend?Is this child fun to be with?
Is this child trustworthy?
Does this child help me achieve my goals?
Does this child make me feel good about myself?
Is this child similar to me?Social Tasks Involved in Peer RelationshipsJoining a group or activity
Coping with success
Dealing with conflict
Defending self
Coping with failure
Staying involved
Making a friend
Sharing/cooperating
Sticking up for a friend
Coping with rejection
Responding to requests
Making requests
Helping others
Maintaining a conversation
Coping with teasing
Being supportive of othersAlthough rejected children differ in many ways, there does seem to be something they have in common:A large proportion of rejected children are lacking in positive interaction skills, such as being
cooperative, helpful, refining non-verbal communication, timing, spatial awareness, verbal
language appropriateness and inappropriate dress or poor personal hygiene.
This suggests that it should be possible to help these children by teaching them positive ways to interact
with others.
The Importance of Fathers
There is no doubt that mothers play an all-important leading role in the lives of their children. They are the obvious heroes of child rearing.
The Real Problem With Todays Teenagers (And Why Most Parents Just Dont Get It!)
An address given by Rev. David B.
The Value of Play
Isn't it ironic that a country whose constitution allows for the pursuit of happiness now feels a collective guilt about the very idea of anything fun? How did this happen? When did we begin placing so much priority on productivity and so little on leisure or on having a good time? Even given the Puritan work ethic, life in America has become so unbalanced that one side of the seesaw is pretty much grounded.But why must we insist that our children, who by their very nature are playful, share these particular values? Why are we so anxious for our children to "act like adults?"But wait, you may be thinking, kids play plenty these days.
Raising a Tobacco-Free Kid
We begin forming healthy habits at a young age. With all that we know about smoking, it is astounding that young people will still take that first puff of a cigarette just to see what it is like.
EEG Biofeedback as a Treatment for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
In this form of treatment for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder the subject learns to pay attention to his own brain wave activity, and then apparently learns to change and control his brain wave activity. The subject is given immediate feedback on just what his brain's activity is like at any given moment through the use of high-speed computers which provide both auditory and visual feedback.
Facing the Homeschool Super Mom
I know this Mom. She homeschools her 5 children, plus she tutors several other children that are dropped off at her house.
Advising Teens? Getting Your Point Across
Giving advice to a teenager is very easy; getting a teenager to take that advice is another matter altogether. It's not only a case of the advice 'falling on deaf ears', sometimes the teenager seems to go deliberately out of their way to do the exact opposite, that's when you know you've got a problem.
When A Parent Is Deployed
When a parent is deployed with the military it can be very traumatic for the children left behind. Having things for them
to do, that makes them feel a part of the family and helping the parent who is gone, is really important.
When Parents Disagree
Moms and dads, are there times you think that parenting would be easier if you didn't have to make family decisions? Having a partner that is not in agreement with your parenting ideas or discipline approaches is more than just frustrating. It can be a cause of division in even the best of relationships.