reality: n. something to be tampered with only after several cups of coffee.

Road to Writing

When I first started, I thought all you had to do is write a book. Can you say *naive*, boys and girls? Join me on my journey as a pre- published writer looking to see my name on the cover of a book. I'll talk about all the bumps, bruises, joys and frustrations I encounter along the way.

BIAW, that is. And so is the Agent workshop. No BIAW, no workshop, what ever will I do with my time? *g*

Despite my setbacks, I managed to write 11 pages over my BIAW goal, so I'm pretty proud of myself. And I've got a couple of workshops, one through RWAOL and one through FTH, starting soon. So I won't be lonely long.

In the meantime, I've got a couple crits to get done. I also still need to go over crits I received for the first two chapters of BMO (which is now stalled--UGH!) and the synopsis for IH. I think the IH synopsis will be the first order of business (after I get those crits out), since I'm hoping to start sending that puppy out to agents by the end of March.

I hear it's a condition many authors deal with. They finish that first book, but when they move on to the second, the ideas don't flow as quickly. Writing is more of a struggle. And they begin to wonder if finishing that first book was a fluke, if they're a "One Book Wonder" (a term somebody on one of the writing lists recently used), if they'll ever finish another story again.

This is the condition I'm facing this week. Was Irresistible Harmony an oddity? Do I really have it in me to finish another one? Am I just wasting my time?

I blame this week's BIAW for the onset of this condition. I signed on with a pretty low goal--30 pages. And I started out with a bang--12 pages that first day. But it's been downhill from there. The last two days (not including today) I wrote a whopping 2 pages, and even that was like squeezing blood from a stone.

IH had been so easy for me. The story flowed like white water rapids. But I feel like I'm banging my head against the wall with BMO and SR. What changed?

Knowledge. That's what changed. When I penned the first draft of IH, I knew absolutely nothing about the craft of writing. And I cranked that first draft out with all the enthusiasm of a child faced with a mountain of gifts. I couldn't wait to dig in. But I did so without concern for the "rules" (more like guidelines). No thoughts to POV, scene & structure, GMC, or any of the other things that are pounded into writers' heads through workshops, books, and articles.

But then I learned. And often, knowledge is a dangerous thing. Because now, as I write, I'm continuously asking myself questions. Will this scene advance the plot? Is this action/dialogue in character for this person? Am I writing this scene in the right POV? Have I started the story too early? Used a good enough hook? Did that scene have an action and reaction and end with a question? Should I have really eaten that bag of Hershey's Kisses?

And all the wonderful things I've learned, all the techniques I've garnered that should make me a better writer, they all seem to be stifling me now. It's too much. And it's frustrating. Pull-my-hair-out-and-scream-at-the-top-of-my-lungs frustrating.

So what's a writer to do?

The most popular advice is to plug away. Write. Daily. And turn off that internal editor. Ignore the devil on my shoulder whispering, just like Carrie's mother, "They're all gonna laugh at you."

I'm trying, but it ain't easy. Today, I decided to work out of order again. Instead of the next scene in SR, I'm working on a scene that I'd visualized and outlined. The setup for the Black Moment. The good news is I've so far written 6 pages, and I'm not finished.

My muse has drop kicked that devil off my shoulder, and has been whispering in my ear non-stop. And I won't stop writing until she stops talking.

At least two of those terms are familiar to all romance writers. They describe our heroes, the men we throw in with our heroines, leading the two on a merry chase to find their happily ever after.

The Alphas are those physical, action men, and the majority of romance heroes. Stephanie's are Navy SEALs. Katie MacAlister's are vampires (well, some of them, anyway). Sherrilyn Kenyon has the Dark Hunters. Eve's are aliens. Sheri's have been cops. And the list goes on and on.

These are men who, in real life, I'd happily kick in the shins. It wouldn't hurt them, wouldn't have much effect, but I'd get my point across.

On the opposite end of the spectrum are the Betas. The cerebral men. Not to imply Alphas are stupid, but the Betas are real thinkers. Vicki Lewis Thompson made them an art form in her Nerd series. Daniel Jackson in the Stargate movie was one (he's also the model for my hero in Eye to Eye).

Then we have the Gammas. A delicious melding of the two. Connel, my Eye to Eye hero, starts out a Beta, but digs inside to find his inner Alpha in order to help Braelyn, the heroine. By the end, he's a full Gamma.

The reason I was thinking about this is the show I'm watching on TiVo right now (gotta love my TiVo!). Rescue Me, Denis Leary's show on the FX Network. I started out watching this show because I thought it was interesting and fun. Denis Leary is Tommy, a NY firefighter dealing with his job, his divorce, and alcoholism.

But as I watched the show, I realized it was great for studying the Alpha male. The Tommy character is a complete Alpha. He's crass and unreasonable, yet inside lies a soft heart, a desire to do good. And every once in a while, when he's not careful, it actually shines through.

He also sees ghosts. Although it's a cool twist for the show, that part doesn't really apply here.

Writers take inspiration from everything we see, hear, and feel. For me, Rescue Me is educational.

And now I have irrefutable evidence of that fact. The other day I had no internet connection, and I banged out 12 pages. Yesterday, internet connection was restored, and I only wrote three pages. It would seem I was too busy blog-hopping, answering e-mail, and researching web hosts to work.

But the truth is, I was a little stuck. I knew where I wanted to go after the previous scene, knew what needed to happen, but I couldn't figure out how to start it off. So of course, being the procrastinator extraordinaire that I am, I figured I might find inspiration in other stuff.

No dice. Found a lot of humor and smiles (and even a drool-worthy man or two), but no motivation.

So I thought I'd try some music. Steve Perry had been helping me with this WIP in the past . . . I figured I'd give him another shot. After the family went to bed, I popped the headphones on, loaded his "Greatest Hits + Five Unreleased" CD into the laptop, and prepared for inspiration to flood like a river undammed.

Still nothing. Although I did get some singing in, not to mention a little dancing. Yup, I was the idiot dancing around my living room while wearing headphones. Thank goodness nobody was up to see or hear me.

What was doubly odd about that is under normal circumstances, if I'm wearing the headphones I'm not inclined to sing. Not last night. Maybe I've been spending too much time at my husband's recording studio, watching vocalists laying tracks while wearing headphones. *shrug*

Like I said in the beginning of yet another longwinded post, I did finally manage to eke out three pages. Figured out how to start the next scene, and got a portion of it written. But I was so bleary-eyed by that time it was pointless to try to continue. I did manage to leave myself a more friendly starting point for today.

Talk about the day from Hades! First, the power was out when I got up. Apparently, there was a bad car accident down the street, and they took out a telephone pole. About the time the power came back, my weather radio started going off with severe thunderstorm warnings. It must have gone off eight times throughout the day. Then the storms started. Big boomers that shook the house down to the foundations. And did I mention the hail? At least the kids thought it was cool to watch ice fall from the sky.

And, of course, as must always happen during big storms, we lost Internet access. We didn't lose satellite, which was a miracle in itself, but DSL was gone gone gone. And by the end of the day I was jonesin' jonesin' jonesin'.

The good news about that is along with DSL, I also lost my main form of procrastination. I was forced to actually write! *gasp* And since I joined FTH's BIAW again, I really needed that kick in the butt. Twelve pages written yesterday on SR. I have to admit, I was quite proud of myself.

Still be-bopping along with Jess Michaels' Great Agent Search Workshop through Earthly Charms. I'm learning some great stuff over there. If you have the opportunity to take this one, I highly recommend it.

Anyway, she had us submit agent query letters for comments. I made a couple tweaks to mine, sent it in, then hid in the corner while chewing my nails down to the cuticles. I'm always so nervous when I post anything for comments! But her comments came back this morning, and she gave me a Great job!

*insert happy butt wiggle here*

That good news puts me one step closer to finally submitting IH, which should make my CPs ecstatic. It'll also make my husband happy, since lately, he's been stepping up asking when I'm going to sell a book. And by stepping up, I mean he's actually started asking when I'm going to sell a book.

He says he's asking because he knows it's my dream. I think he just wants something to brag about. *g* I'm kidding. He's actually very supportive, and barely balked at all when I told him he wouldn't be reading what I wrote.

Ain't I sweet?

----

MOOD: Feeling pretty darn good after Jess's comments on my queryPROGRESS: 12 pages on SR. WOO HOO! Can I keep it up?

No, I'm not referring to "Sister Act 2". *g* I need to get back in the writing habit. I've taken a bit of a hiaitus from writing, earning the moniker of Queen of Procrastination, and even put together a preliminary website. But I've just signed up for 30 pages in another BIAW, so I've got to get back on the stick this week.

In the meantime, here's another pointless quiz, and it's so me:

You are a Rocker Girl!If you don't have musical talent, you've got a talent for picking out great CD's.Music rules your life - and you've got the best MP3 collection of anyone you know.Many guys find you intimidating, but a select few think you're the catch of a lifetime.Start hanging out in more used record stores, and you'll find love with a fellow rocker!

Yup. I finally put a new, more recent picture of myself in my profile. What do you think?

I had an interesting Friday night. Met up with one of my CPs for a night of drinks and live rock n' roll. I got to the bar first, and immediately knew something wasn't right. The parking lot was too empty and the bar's neon was off. Uh-oh.

Immediately called the CP I was meeting and told her what I was seeing. She thought I was joking at first, as her husband had made a comment about the bar being closed earlier in the week, and I'd called the bar to make sure they were open. Anyway, I caught a guy who'd spoken to a bar employee, and found out the bar was closed that night, but would reopen the following day. Phooey. That wasn't going to do us much good.

When my CP arrived, we stood in the parking lot and tried to decide what we'd do next. Neither of us are major party animals, and our knowledge of decent bars is minimal. In other words, we were lost. She called her husband for suggestions. His suggestion was we go someplace open. Big help. *g*

Anyway, we ended up going to a local large country bar. The night kind of started out bad, but improved. And I somehow managed to earn the description of "mean redneck". Poor little short fat guy (his description of himself, although I do concur) didn't endear himself to my CP, and he seemed to take great glee in insulting me. Good thing I've got thick skin.

The night didn't turn out too badly, but I still wish that first bar had been open. Ah, hell. At least I got to line dance. Haven't done that in years.

Slight variation on a line I recently told one of my CPs to start using when she was complaining about nearly debilitating hunger at work. But I changed the line to fit my present mood.

Headache.

Pain.

Ugh.

Finishing up the final crit I have due, so I'm feeling pretty good. Other than my headache. Over at RWAOL in the Challenge forum, I set my goal for the week as finishing my three crits (two down, one to go), writing at least two more scenes for SR (haven't even started those yet), and keeping up with the RWAOL character workshop I'm participating in, given by author Sherryl Woods. And if I get another scene written for BMO, I'll consider that a bonus.

No bonus yet, no scenes for SR yet, but I'm close to the happy butt wiggle on the rest, so I'd consider this a good week so far.

Big thanks to Silma for sharing the extra muses who answered her ad with Teresa and me! I can always use an extra muse. Especially a hot one. *g*

Today I got one of those wild hairs. I've got this great digital SLR camera, have used it extensively, and today decided it was time for me to learn to use the self-timer feature. Very cool! Of course, I had to search the house for something my height standing and/or sitting so I'd have something to focus on before setting the timer (settled on a shipping box my husband left sitting in the living room), but it was fun. And I actually got some shots I'm kind of happy with! I'm thinking I may use one of them for my blog. Yeah, I know I've already got a picture at the top of the page, but in the new ones you can actually see my face.

Might not be a good thing, though. You'll have to decide. But first I need to decide on a picture. I think I've got it narrowed down to two, but I'm still not sure. Gonna let this one stew for a couple days.

-----

MOOD: Check the entry title. Says it all.MUSIC: "Sea of Emotions" by Jack BladesPROGRESS: Almost done with those crits!WHAT I'M READING: Tonight it's a chapter from one of my CPs.

You are a pro at playing the age old game of hard to get.Your flirting style runs hot and cold, giving just enough to keep them chasing you.Independent and self-sufficient, you don't need any one person to make you compelte.And that independence is exactly what makes people pursue you.

Remember that goal I set for myself yesterday? Two chapters critted? Didn't do it, although I did get one of those crits done today. One down, two to go.

I wasn't going to work on my own stuff last night, but I cheated and did anyway. I'm not sorry though. I got another four page scene written. It's so nice when it just flows out. And surprisingly, it was the scene directly after the last scene I wrote. I'm still about two chapters ahead of where I actually left off in the story, but if that's the way it's gonna come, that's the way I'm gonna write. Looks like this will be the first book I write out of order.

Today I will get no writing of my own done. Why? Because I have chapters to crit from all three of my crit partners! My goal for the day is to get at least two of them done. I'm about halfway through the first one.

Maybe I shouldn't have indulged in my "Crossing Jordan" TV festival earlier today (thanks to TiVo!). *g* I might have finished more without it.

Got one of my synopsis crits back. At first, seeing all the green comments made my heart twist. I couldn't help but think Damn. I seriously cannot do these things. But by the end of the crit, it really wasn't so bad, and that particular made some great suggestions. So I might work on that a bit tomorrow.

Yesterday was my birthday, so understandably, I didn't spend much time online. It really was a great day!

I started out with lunch with one of my CPs. TGI Fridays. Grilled chicken. Not bad! From there, I went to my son's Valentine's party at school. Took him out of school early, then visited a friend who gave me a hilarious birthday card and some flowers, now sitting on my dining room table. The flowers, not the friend. Then we headed home, waited for my daughter to get home from school, and then off to her Tae Kwon Do lessons. When we finally got home from there (I had my truck washed during the lessons) it was time to switch to "hurry up and clean the house before the babysitter gets here" mode.

My husband finally came home after the babysitter arrived, much to my irritation. It certainly didn't help that he was working on his day off, he was the one to tell me the house had to be cleaned, and he left everything to me. On my birthday. I'm not going to say any more about that, but believe me, I could go on for hours. It's in my blood. *g*

Anyway, he finally came home and gave me my gift. A beautiful white gold/yellow gold reversible necklace. 'K. I wasn't so mad at him after that. I changed my clothes and he took me to my favorite restaurant -- Outback Steakhouse. YUM! At that point, I said, "Screw Weight Watchers!" and ate what I wanted, although I did defer and get the filet rather than my favorite ribeye. I even drank a couple of beers! Light beer, of course, but since that's what I drank before I started trying to lose weight, it wasn't a sacrifice.

Overall, it was a great day for me. I didn't get much writing done, although while I was sitting waiting for my truck to be cleaned I did work on a query letter that I'll be submitting for comments to the workshop I'm taking.

So now I'm 29 again. Wonder how long I'll be able to get away with that?

I'm working on two stories right now. And lately, I've been feeling like I've hit a brick wall with both. When I'm at home alone, I lament to my ceiling, "Why won't these stories come as easy as the first one did? What am I doing wrong?"

In truth, I'm probably doing nothing wrong. I dreamed my entire first story. The whole thing. Granted, much of the finished project has changed since that dream captured and haunted me, but the basic map still existed.

It's taken me a while to realize this, but that first story was plotted. Yup. The ugly "p" word. Well, ugly to me, anyway. I'd always fancied myself a "pantzer" -- a writer creating my stories from the seat of my pants. But now I'm starting to realize that's not entirely true.

I'm learning that I can't start with a glimmer of an idea for a story and just take off like gangbusters from there. Eventually, I hit a brick wall. I reach a certain point and suddenly feel like my muse has headed for Tahiti again. Or the Bahamas.

When I first thought my lack of plotting might be the problem, I took to the Internet, searching for information about plotting. How do I do it? What's involved? I tried one method called "The Snowflake Method". It was lauded by many writers, and I'd hoped it would be my answer.

I diligently went through the steps of that method, but by the time I made it 3/4 of the way through, I was bored. Bored with the method. Bored with my story. And bored with my characters.

It didn't take. Not that it's a bad method, it works for a lot of people. But not me. No snowflaking for me.

That story's now on the back burner. But I'll revisit it later.

I recently took a plotting workshop, and finished the workshop excited. This instructor didn't tell us to painstakingly plot our whole book out to the smallest details, but to find our "guidepost events" -- the big things that happen. The meet. The first kiss. The black moment. The resolution.

I can do that! I did do that. And still, I ended up cursing my muse for taking off on me.

For me, I think what it all boils down to is I need to quit procrastinating and just write. That's why the Book in a Week programs (where I spend a week just writing, setting a goal number of pages and working to reach it) help me so much. When I have to write, when I've set a goal and will be held accountable for reaching that goal, that's when I'm the most productive.

Now, I just need to find a way to hold myself accountable for what I produce all the time, and not just for one week out of the month.

But that's what works for me. For you, it might be something different.

Yes, I found my muse, and she's not in Tahiti. She's hiding out in the horrifying Land of Accountability.

WOO HOO! *insert happy butt wiggle here* I wrote a scene! I wrote a scene!

Okay, so it's not the next scene in the book, not even the next chapter. And it's still very rough. But it's down on paper. It's one of the first scenes that came to me, a brief outline jotted in my notes, and probably the scene that sparked the idea for Jackson's story.

I submitted the synopsis for IH to my CPs this morning, and now they'll shred it to pieces with glee. I only hope that when I get their critiques back, I'm not as disheartened as I was when they critted my longer version.

The good news, if it can truly be viewed as such, is that I know this one needs a lot of work. It's rough. Still, it's hard to open that critiqued file and see all the red or blue or green (depending on the color they choose) comments made by my CPs. But I know they're not doing it maliciously, and it's not personal.

Actually, it is kind of personal. They make all those marks in order to help me turn out a document that's as polished as I can get it. And for that I'm grateful.

At the last minute, I had to go back and add another scene in order for the ending to make more sense. That extended the synopsis to a full 6 double-spaced pages. Still not bad, since the ms is 460 double-spaced pages. I just know I have to keep it short, as nobody seems to be as interested in the longer synopses these days.

So now I wait with bated breath to see what further work needs to be done to this stupid thing.

1. What time did you get up this morning? It's a school day, so 7:15.
2. Diamonds or pearls? Honestly, I'm into unadorned Sterling silver these days, preferably with Celtic symbolism. However, if forced to choose, I'd say diamonds.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Good gravy! That was so long ago I'm not sure I remember. Ummmm Scooby Doo 2?
4. What is your favourite TV show? Ahh! Thank goodness - an easy one. The Gilmore Girls.
5. What did you have for breakfast? Haven't had any yet, but I've got my eye on some oatmeal. Sounds fun, huh?
6. What is your middle name? Marie. Which is why I crack up every time I see Goodfellas.
7. What is your favourite cuisine? I guess Italian.
8. What foods do you dislike? I'm not a liver fan, I don't eat seafood, and I can't even stand the smell of coconut.
9. What is your favourite crisp/chip flavour? Plain, I guess, as long as it's drenched in french onion dip.
10. What is your favourite CD at the moment? So glad that "at the moment" qualifier was on there because mine changes frequently. Mine is "From the Inside" by From the Inside featuring Danny Vaughn. Running a close second is "Hallucination" by Shaw/Blades.
11. What kind of vehicle do you drive? Ford Expedition. I graduated from soccer mom to yuppy soccer mom when we got rid of the minivan.
12. Favourite sandwich? Grilled cheese. Especially when it's made with cheddar. Yum!
13. What characteristics do you despise? I hate hate hate liars. Nor can I stand selfishness or over-inflated self-importance.
14. Favourite item of clothing? My comfy jeans and my old black cowboy boots.
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? No contest. Ireland.
16. What colour is your bathroom? Which one? The master bath is antique white (never got around to painting the walls) and burgundy.
17. What colour pants are you wearing? You mean you didn't guess from my favorite clothing? Jeans, of course!
18. Where would you retire to? Don't rush me! That's still a ways off, and I haven't even thought about it yet.
19. Favourite time of the day? Late at night, after the whole family's asleep. It's magical.
20. What was your most memorable birthday? None, really, but if I had to choose I'd say my 25th. Celebrated in my favorite bar (at the time) with one of my favorite bands (at the time) and lots of friends (at the time).
21. Where were you born? The Philippines. Didn't stay there long, though.
22. What’s the last thing you ate? Since I've been too busy working on this to eat breakfast, I'd have to say last night's spaghetti dinner.

(Aargh. My computer burped, went ahead and published, and lost some of my answers! )

23. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? Sassy scarlet
24. Favourite flower? Heck, I don't know. Tulips are nice. So are sunflowers and roses and daisies . . .
25. What fabric detergent do you use? Tide with bleach
26. Coke or Pepsi? Coke, hands down. Although, since I'm trying to lose weight, it's Diet Coke these days.
27. Do you wish on stars? When I'm feeling fanciful
28. What is your shoe size? Depends on the shoe. I'm about a 7.
29. Do have any pets? Yup. 2 dogs
30. Last person you talked to on the phone? My husband. He calls me every day on his way home from work.
31. What did you want to be when you were little? A pediatrician. And then I found out how long they had to go to school.
32. What are you meant to be doing now? Living the life of the rich and famous with my every desire attended to and hoards of hot men begging for my attention.
33. What do you first notice about someone? Usually the eyes.
34. Siblings? A sister, a brother, and stepbrother and a half brother
35. What was your favourite toy as a child? My books. How boring is that?
36. Summer or winter? Actually, I love fall. Normally I'd choose winter, but since I've been freezing my tushie off, I'll say summer. But color wise? I'm definitely a winter.
37. Hugs or Kisses? Kisses. All the way.
38. Chocolate or vanilla? Without doubt . . . CHOCOLATE!
39. Living arrangements? Not sure what this means. I'm married and we own our house. Does that cover it?
41. When was the last time you cried? Thankfully, I don't remember. Probably when my kids pushed me way over the edge.
42.What is under your bed? I don't know, I don't want to know, and you can't make me check.
43. How many past lovers have you had? Well, since I've been married once before, I'll say more than one. *g*
44. How many countries have you visited? Not counting the one I live in . . . one.
45. How many cities have you visited? Loads and bunches.
46. Favorite movie of all time? First flick that comes to mind is The American President. Second one that comes to mind is Down Periscope.
47. Mountains or beach? No contest. Mountains.
48. The current friend you've known the longest? That would have to be my bud Tina. We've been friends since the eighth grade. I haven't stayed in very good touch with her, though.
49. Full names of your kids? I'd rather not say on the Internet.
50. Usual bedtime? Anywhere from 1-3am

I've spent the weekend learning the basics of CSS and building a basic website. Got the site done, still want to make changes on the content. It's been interesting, a little fun, and it's wasted a lot of time.

But I really should quit procrastinating and go back to work on that IH syn and writing BMO and SR. (Hm. Somehow, I can hear my CPs yelling in agreement.)

It's been a pretty good day so far. I had a Weight Watchers meeting this morning, and despite going completely off program a couple of times over the past week (including birthday cake last night), I still managed to register a weight loss! Came as a huge surprise -- I thought for sure I'd packed on a couple of pounds.

Obviously, I'm in a good mood.

I haven't worked on that synopsis yet today, but the day is still young. I do plan to put some time in on it this afternoon.

And I'm turning into a writing workshop slut. [g] Just started taking another one through Earthly Charms. This time it's Jess Michaels teaching about the world of literary agents. And since once I finish the synopsis I plan to submit IH to agents, this one came at the perfect time.

I'm sure most of you heard about the ice storm that swept the southern US, and some of you might have even been in the middle of it. We spent that first day iced in -- couldn't have gone anywhere if I'd wanted to. My truck was encapsulated in 1-1/2 inches of ice. Then, it took out my internet connection.

But I'm finally back online (fixed it myself- yay, me!) and trying to get back in the swing. I have the house to myself again after my daughter finally returned to school following a week of sickness, and I'm still synopsis fighting.