Friday, February 3, 2012

One Mile House

10 Delancey St. (btw Chrystie & Bowery)

LES, NY 10002(646) 559-0702

Bathroom situation - one just past the bar on the right and (we believe) a few downstairs...yeah, there must be some there cuz this place is kind of a restaurant with an outdoor area, so they couldn't very well have just one bathroom and certainly not just one that you have to walk through the kitchen to get to, now could they Graffiti? E. Coli may be gluten-free, but it damn sure ain't sexy.Takes credit cards? - Visceralist is strictly liquid these days, so we didn't put this one on the corporate Black Amex last time we came to partake. They do have the requisite machinery for all that there tho, soCrowded on weekends? - despite being situated directly "knock-knock-knock-Penny" next door to Bowery Ballroom, it doesn't seem to be getting nearly as much pub as shut-down-in-a-month abominations like Ludlow Manor. Which is nice for now, but this place is gonna blow up the fuck when the weather gets warm again, Visceralist is officially calling it. Just like we're officially calling the SuperBowl in favor of Tom Brady's hairplugs.Seating - 8-ish seats on both sides of the bar, with scattered stool-tables in front. Regular restaurant-style tables in back. Outdoor seating when the mosquitos and 7pm sunshine come out to play.Neighborhood - not quite Soho (thank god) and not quite LES, so like a biracial kid from a single-parent home, but who was raised in the suburbs somehow.Pretentious/assholes - OMH doesn't seem to have the Feng Shui to engender European-style "Hey, let's just talk just to talk, cuz we're all having fun and God, so not even thinking about hitting on each other, cuz men and women meeting at bars with no sexual tension in the air is a thing that exists."Cost of Stella - they don't have it here - but randomly they've started product-placing it in Big Bang Theory episodes. One of the many reasons BBT is such a gem.What time people start showing up - like many of you, Visceralist looked down upon BBT for a long time cuz it carried the stink of the justifiably-reviled 2.5 Men. But! It's actually funny, you guys. Visceralist can watch your Portlandia's and your Parks & Rec's and appreciate the skill behind the jokes there, but we're not bust-out laughing like we do at BBT. Bazinga!Bartender efficiency - Sheldon...man, ain't been a sitcom character like him since like George Castanza or Susie from Curb or GOB Bluth.Official Website -here. Basically just the menu.Food? How late - So, yeah, so this place is actually a restaurant in a weird way, but with a weird bar menu. So they have frog legs for some reason. As mentioned above, Visceralist is strictly liquid of late, so we haven't eaten in a while, so commenters, you tell us.TVs? What's on - Visceralist offices are now permanently tuned into Fox 5 at 7:30pm, then TBS from 8-11pm, then back to Fox 5 at 11pm. Ladies & Gentlemen, we are floating in space.Guy:girl ratio - equanimity.Toys - nope!Age of clientele - skews older, but with the Bowery Ballroom booking the likes of Dinosaur Jr. reunions and suchlike lately, what do you expect, yun?Space for dancing? - nope nope!Music medium, style & volume - mostly 90's alt-rock for some reason. Like Bush's "Machine Head" and thereabouts.Specials or most popular drink - they have a cocktail called "There's a Word for It In Spanish" - which sounds like a category we should add here on our bar reviews. Hecho!