The Quokkas are an internationally franchised drinking team with a cricketing problem
Renowned for our fearsome lack of fear on the cricketing pitch, we bring our unique brand of sporting ineptitude and enthusiasm over ability to the ovals of our opponents

The Quokkas have returned from their not-so-triumphant tour of their spiritual home having chalked up their first loss from the season. Given that their record against the HATED Dan is far from impressive, it’s a good bet that the ledger will be balanced by Sunday evening.

The last time these two teams played, 2 seasons ago, The DAN helped themselves to over 230 runs while The Quokkas could only manage 148 in reply. The day was notable for being stinking hot and hazy, as well as Snipper taking one of the greatest catches of all time; initially running in one direction, before sprinting back in the opposite direction and diving to catch the ball millimetres from the ground.

One can only hope that The Quokkas can start holding normal catches too.

Form Guide:

The Quokkas returned to form last week, losing their tour match on Rottnest Island. Notably, the other side hadn’t played a game in ten years and the Man of The Match had never played a game in his life.

Go Quokkas.

The form of the Dan is unknown, largely because I cant be bothered looking up their results. Im assuming they aren’t getting beaten by teams that don’t play regularly, or smashed for 25 in an over by a bloke whose never played before.

Sigh.

In the Spotlight:

LOCAL makes his long-awaited return to the team, this being his first game of the season. He is marking his return by Captaining this game, so we look forward to his taciturn and disappointed stares at us at regular intervals.

And this

Team News:

The Quokkas continue their bizarre season of having excess numbers available for games, though we are (as always) expecting last minute changes.

The XI (at the time of writing) is:

James Gow

Roley

Chef

Local (c)

J Rod

Big Dog

Gaz

Stewart Denmead

Dutchy

Snipper

Ed

Jay

The Rev

Pitch and Conditions:

The nano-sized Alfred Crescent Oval is always a favorite for batsmen and less so for people having picnics. Melbourne is doing its thing at the moment, starting the week with temperatures in the mid-30s before turning to lightning and storms, then calming down to a more civilised 26 degrees on Sunday.

Stats and Trivia:

This will be Locals 30th total appearance for The Quokkas and he is only 26 runs away from 300 for his YPCA career

Chef is on 239 career runs and averages 23.9 per innings, so should crack the 250 in the first over faced

Snippers last innings, his 14th, was also the 8th time he has finished not out – helping lift his average to 57.33. Mark Waugh: he is definitely unavailable to play for Australia, I believe S44 rules him out

J Rods enigmatic bowling could hold a key to success, he goes for a miserly 5.78 runs per over and is one wicket away from 20 career wickets (6th highest overall)

Evolution is a helluva thing. It isn’t simply about something changing to ensure its survival, its about something fundamentally changing, down to its DNA.

The Quokka is a good example of how evolution can sometimes not play-out as you’d expect, or then again, perhaps its evolution playing out EXACTLY as you’d expect.

Living on Rottnest Island without a natural predator in the world, these tiny marsupials hop about the place in a relaxed fashion that would make rastafarians look positively anxious.

Without any threats whatsoever, people are not allowed to so much as feed or touch them, Quokkas have become so placid that they are (apparently) confused by changing weather conditions – with large rain falls often resulting in many of them dying from cold.

They do get excited about Spiderman swimwear though

With this in mind, the Victorian branch of the Quokkas Cricket Club headed to their spiritual home of Rottnest Island last weekend to take on the local “Rotto” Quokkas CC.

While the Victorian Quokkas have evolved considerably as a club, developing a range of opportunities for different parts of the community to come together and have a game, they haven’t changed much in regards to Tour matches having never won a single one.

More on that later.

Rottnest Island itself is as beautiful a place as you will find in Australia, girt by white sandy beaches, with no cars allowed and the friendliest / most gaumless marsupials you will ever find hopping about.

It also has a nice wind turbine that gets right up the nose of onion-eating Prime Ministers

The local cricket ground was situated between the beach, the school and the golf course and was of a size that made postage stamps look big. Early examination of the ground led to conclusions that a big score would be needed to secure our first Tour victory.

With the customary drop-outs before the game, phone calls were made and emails were sent, with Dale, Ivan, Karl and Vince being found available and willing to make up the numbers. Dale and Vince were also good enough to volunteer the fielding services of their kids, who were to later put us all to shame.

Jonesy, Captain of the Rotto side, pulled out all the stops in getting the ground ready. The club room sign was re-painted, the Quokka flag was flown on the flagpole, the bar was stocked and the music was pumping.

Also, this sign

Going the extra yard again, Jonesy pulled out an Australian penny (pre 1966) for the toss of the Coin, which the Rev politely lost, giving the touring Quokkas plenty of time to get used to the ground while standing in the baking West Australian sun.

Not having played a game in 10 years, the local team was nervous, so The Rev decided to open up with the heavy artillery early; by bringing on the Big Dog.

The tactic paid off, with the opening batsmen only hitting one boundary in The Dogs two overs, and their consternation at his deliveries being audibly heard by the fielders nearby at deep long off; “What sort of trick is this?!?”

Much like one of the Dogs water pumping stations, the pressure was kept level by Vince and then Jay, who evolved his run-up from 38 steps to just 8 and bowled one of their openers through the gate.

The excellent bowling continued, with Karl and Ian both going for not many and having the other opener unluckily given LBW by his own umpire.

The rigors and pressure of the game began to show as the Rotto number 4 had to retire hurt, while their first drop retired having scored his 30 before drinks.

It was this penultimate over before drinks that was telling for the visitors, with the new batsman Scotty dropped twice and managing to find the boundary twice.

At 3 for 60-odd at drinks, the visiting Quokkas were overcome with that awfully stomach-cringing feeling of confidence, the kind that inevitably comes before a fall.

Resuming after the welcome break, Scotty provided the Quokkas with the solid bit of granite which they normally fall on, smashing 25 convincing runs off The Rev in a punishing display that will surely see the spiritual leader put his ‘offies’ in the bin for good.

Taking his cap from the umpire, The Rev spotted the islands ambulance on the side of the pitch and briefly felt like leaving his cricketing career in it, only to be told that it was being used to bring more beer to the bar.

Well played Rotto, well played.

Needing to evolve to meet the changes in the game, The Rev brought on some young blood and they immediately delivered. Ethan, and Levi bowling their self titled “pace” to dry up the runs and even claim a wicket.

Ed was brought on for some of his famous death bowling, which evolved into something that worked; bringing the retirement of Scotty, a wicket and only 10 runs in 2 overs.

Radar was also relieved of the gloves, which had been relatively drowned in the sweat of his success behind the stumps (he really did a cracking job) and were worn gleefully by the Dog.

The man is an excitement machine.

Radar continued his dominance, taking 2 quick wickets, though this did bring Scotty back to the middle, allowing him to belt two more sixes – bringing his total to 50 for the match and Rottos total to 166

The innings break provided a welcome reprieve to the visiting Quokkas, many of them resembling the wicket-keeping gloves by this point, or perhaps evolving into some sort of jerky.

Needing to beat a score of 167 off 22 overs, The Rev knew a good run rate was needed and had a lot of confidence in the players at his disposal, but more confidence in himself.

The Rev is going through an evolution as a batsman, having scored 50 runs off 43 runs so far this season, so decided to open the batting. He knew that real class was needed to go with his ‘close your eyes and swing’ approach, so Cat strode out with him.

The move paid off initially, with 8 runs coming off the first over before Cat faced a lifter which she had a go at, resulting in a gloved catch going to the (very) agile Sandgroper behind the stumps.

This brought Ed & his beard to the crease. Ed used to be a nurdler, then evolved into a swatter & is now someone that likes lifting the ball from outside off over the fine leg boundary. He tried it on his first shot, failed, and then started fours everywhere else around the ground, including a 6 over cover.

He and the Rev put on 33 in very quick time, before The Rev got impatient, playing a cut shot to Jonesy at long off, rather than into the bar.

Still, only 4 overs had gone and the run rate was as healthy as a young Shane Woewoeden.

Jay came to the crease and started to score immediately, he and Ed taking the score to 73 before Ed was the victim of evolution, bowled through the gate by a ten year-old.

Radar managed to make it out to the middle, an admirable effort considering the work he had done so far, but wasn’t able to add much more to the scoreboard.

Coming in for some badly needed drinks, the Quokkas were 4/87, with more runs than Rotto had at the same juncture for the cost of only 1 more wicket. The traditional collapse was well on track.

Jay retired soon after drinks, bringing Dale and Karl to the crease. Both pushed the runs forward admirably, but were brought undone by the suddenly swinging ball. It hadn’t evolved, it was the famous Fremantle Doctor making a house call on the weekend.

The Big Dog came and went for only 2 runs, but did the most Big Dog of things and walked when the umpire didn’t give him caught behind. Western Australia is a long way to drive for 2 runs, but your life can be a long one to lead in shoes you don’t feel comfortable in.

Vince then came to the crease and started belting the ball to all corners, bringing up 25 in quick time but started running out of partners. The local policeman, Duncan, was the last man out there for the Quokkas (though Jay was padded up and sweating enthusiastically in the shade) in his first game of cricket ever.

20 was needed off the last 2 overs, which became 16 off 1 which finished with the visiting Quokkas ending up 6 runs short of victory in a tense game that was enjoyed by all.

It is funny to think that the Quokkas started as an indoor team that evolved to play outdoors against English village sides and is now helping Australian villages start their own sides, enabling visitors to learn more about this great brown land and admire the dim-witted (but cute) marsupials that roam it.

Many thanks to Jonesy for organising the game and being so hospitable, the entire Rotto team for the game and Jeremy for his great work behind the bar.

Well, it doesn’t get much bigger than this. Some 15 years since the Quokkas were first created in West London for an indoor cricket team, their name being inspired by the overtly friendly and predator-less Marsupial that is native to Rottnest Island. What other animal could resemble the fear that we strike into the hearts of our opponents?

No, it had to be the Quokka, and the Quokka it has stayed.

After moving home from London in 2009, The Rev (club co-founder), pieced together the Australian interpretation of the Team, which has blossomed in-line with his grey hairs. Having played tour games in Launceston, Adelaide, Nerrena and Sri Lanka, the Quokkas are finally visiting the home of the Quokka; Rottnest Island.

Their opponents for the match will be the local team that, delightfully, share the nickname. This may end up being like that Monty Python sketch where everyone is named Bruce, or simply called Bruce to save confusion.

Form Guide:

The touring Quokkas are coming into the game having won their first two games of the season so far, unprecedented as this almost equals their total wins for the last two seasons combined. The visiting Quokkas have chased scores of 170 in their last two matches in about 23 and 22 overs, so have the opportunity to get a big score once they get started. They have, though, been impacted by the customary withdrawals from the game, so have had to perform the also-customary ring-around to pull in some ringers.

The home Quokkas have requested a T20 game, with no bowler to come off more than 3 steps, which should play right into the hands of the visiting Quokkas highest wicket-takers; Ed and The Big Dog. The home Quokkas haven’t played a game since the decline in the mining boom out West, so should be in similar form

In the spotlight:

A late and welcome inclusion for the game, Radar has been in awesome form so far this season. Opening the batting against the Launceston All Stars, he retired with 30 from 22 balls, then bowled 2 overs for 1 wicket and 1 run.

Radar is 6th for total Quokka appearances (36) and ‘kept up to the wicket like a young Tim Zuehrer in the last match, something that will be very useful with the 3-step limit.

The great man

Team News:

It wouldn’t be a Quokkas match, particularly a touring match, without a few changes and change is what we have. Thankfully, we also know people in Western places so 4 new faces come into the team, as well as one highly-anticipated debut. The team, at the time of writing, is:

The Rev (c)

Vince

Ed

Dale

Big Dog

Ivan

Jay

Radar (w/k)

Karl

Cat

Max Nichols (vc)

Pitch and Conditions:

The pitch is the only cricket ground on the island and in surprisingly good condition given the amount of sports that it hosts, as well as the backpackers and (actual) Quokkas that do *things* on it throughout the year.

Looks a treat

It being November in Western Australia, we are expecting a dry day of about 24 degrees with blue skies and plenty of debate about whether the Eagles should have let John Worsfold go / whether Bancroft will be opening / keeping wicket for the First Test.

Its really not terrible here

Stats and Trivia:

This being a T20 match, the stats wont count towards player records (apart from appearances)

This will be Jays 23rd appearance for the Quokkas, bringing him equal with Alex and Chef, and only 3 behind The Phantom (26)

This will also be Cats 16th appearance, bringing her level with previous B&F winner Rowdy and 1 appearance ahead of another B&F winner; Gladys

The Quokkas have NEVER WON a tour match, so there is absolutely no pressure to change that now.

Battling a 140km+ howling gale QCC strode on to the Fairfield ground for this the first pub league match of summer ’17/18.

Old foes the Terminus Hotel rocked up a few minutes before the scheduled start time, set up a barbie, grabbed a beer and reclined to watch the show.

Meanwhile, the powerful Quokka attack is put through its “paces.” So many choices, so many great (or formerly thought to show promise of greatness) bowlers. After I assured almost everyone at the club that they might open the bowling, in the end, there was only really one clear option – the stocky Kiwi Swing Machine, Chef in tandem with the pinpoint accuracy of James “Frothy” Gow.

Not the start we were after; The first 4 overs going for 6/15/10/12.

To the bowlers’ credit, good balls were being dispatched left right and center from what was the Termo’s designated batter/s. Chef supported his opening counterpart by dropping two difficult catches in quick succession in “Frothy’s” second over, all adding up to a what could only be described as an a-typical QCC shit show.

Radar and Monty into the attack, the retirement of the designated batters, and a general lift in the field saw QCC slow the bleeding before the break.

A sustained attacked of quality medium pace from Rev, Snipper, and Jay (Me) held the home side to 1/90 off the opening 12 overs. Rev snaring the only wicket of the opening session through a confidence building catch from the little Kiwi legend – Chef.

After the break Ed, Dutchy, Pup, Roley (on debut), Gaz all contributing to what has to be said was some very tight second session bowling.

Some excellent wickets coming from Dutchy, Ed, and Roley at critical moments. The Quokkas applied some solid pressure (resulting in 2 run outs) and pulled up the Termo to an innings ending 7/170.

Lunch was just fantastic.

Snags and Chicken, few dogs around. Some reggae (some 10CC).

QCC feeling quietly confident.

Snipper and Ed were sent out to the crease to open the Quokka account. Snipper went to town, scoring 32 off 15 balls. Ed, playing a masterful opening slot with 33 off 25 balls. Monty and Gaz both doing a great Job at 3 and 4, before both being run out (Sorry Monty). Jay (me) smashing 36 off 20, and Rev coming in to hit 29 not out off 25 balls saw QCC take what felt like an inevitable victory at Fairfield, which to be fair, is a field.

Great keeping all day from Dutchy and Radar!

Impressive bowling and sweet times from the new teammates Roley, Gaz & Monty (formerly Burner).