If I had discovered a Genie when I was seven years old, and he granted me three wishes (as it’s written in the landmark case of Shaq v. Genie), I wouldn’t have asked for world peace, or a million dollars, or to go back in time to kill Hitler — no, I wanted to go on Nickelodeon’s Double Dare. Marc Summers was my everything. Which is why I’m stoked that Everything Is Terrible put together a supercut of nearly 11 MINUTES of Double Dare prizes. All your forgotten favorites are here, like this hunk of junk:

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And who could forget this thing:

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And the game where you apparently squirt semen into your opponent’s face:

1) They showed the Thunderbird one twice
2) That guy should have been fucking fired for pronouncing “foosball” the way he did
3) I like to imagine people hanging onto that crap in their garage because it’s special