Saturday, August 27, 2011

I want so badly to be with my brother - I want so badly to see him again. I need to hear him tell me he loves me, that I'm beautiful and that he will never leave me, but he can't...

I'm so sick and tired of being strong. Ian was always the strong one and he's the one who is gone - how the hell do people expect me to keep holding on when he's the one that was always so much stronger than me?? What does the world expect from me? What the hell kind of future could possibly exist without my brother - I hate it. I miss Ian so damn much.

I'm so tired of being strong... why did Ian leave me here to fight alone when he is supposed to be fighting through this messed up life with me? Why isn't he here every time my heart is broken or I need advice? Why isn't he here??

I need him so badly - I'm clinging to God with all that have left and still I've completely run out of strength. I need my bruh bruh...

I love you Ian... come back... I need my home - my safe haven - my place to rejuvenate... please...

2
comments:

Anonymous
said...

Margaret - you are brave, loyal and full of faith. Surely your brother is honored by you. Having lost a father and brother myself I can tell you from the bottom of my heart that your current pain WILL eventually transition into a deeper connection with your brother as he now becomes your Guardian Angel in Heaven. And writing is the best therapy I know! Many blessings! Karen

The pain can't really be understood by those who have not felt it, so I won't try to speak to that... I would like to still offer you my heart as an alternative older sibling. Ian was incredibly special, I do not have any illusions that I can be as helpful as him, but I know that I can be there for you. Love you. B