Love at First Fist

After a Westfield reader’s fisting question was answered last week, I’m sure some of you have caught the highly contagious fisting fever. I mean, it’s fascinating, really—how do you get such a big, powerful symbol of strength into such a small space like the vagina or anus?

Slowly, that’s how.

Many of the same principles of anal sex can be applied to vaginal or anal fisting. Because they both involve putting a big object into a small space, they are both sex acts that not only require tons of (preferably water-based gel) lube, patience and time, but also need partner trust, communication and collaboration. Not only does the fister need to go slow and listen to his/her partner, but the fistee must work just as hard to relax, breathe and accept a fist in a delicate part of her body.

Start with foreplay to relax fistee’s body and mind. If fistee is multi-orgasmic, orgasming pre-fisting can help relax the body and make fuller penetration more pleasurable and possible. Get your fist ready, too. Using gloves protects from sexually transmitted infections, protects fistee’s delicate openings from sharp nails, and keeps your hand nice and slippery, as latex doesn’t absorb lube like your skin does.

Lube up! Lube should be everywhere —all over anything you plan on fisting, your hand, wrist and, if diving deep, your elbow. Put a small drop of lube inside the glove to better transmit body heat. Keep the bottle on hand for easy and frequent reapplication.

Go slow! Just because a fist is involved, doesn’t mean punching is, too. Start with one finger and slowly count up, adding one at a time and saving the thumb for last. Let fistee lead, waiting for the physical or verbal green light before adding fingers.

If you feel fistee’s body tense, stop moving and wait for her body to relax before pulling out or pushing in. As you add fingers, overlap them as much as possible instead of lining them up side by side, making your hand narrower and more manageable. When it comes time to add Thumbelina, place it on the underside of your fingers to create a wedge shape, as if you were making a shadow-puppet duck bill.

Lube up your knuckles! Pushing past your knuckles (the widest part of your hand) and (in the case of vaginal fisting) the public bone, and the strong ring of muscles surrounding it, will be the hardest part. Again, let fistee lead! Fistee, take a deep breath, visualize opening up to fister’s hand and help by bearing down as he/she pushes. Fister, you’ll know when you’ve made it as the pressure around the fist should ease and the contractions of the vaginal or anal muscles will coax your hand into a fist, with your thumb in your palm.

Once you’re in, don’t expect to get into rambunctious in-and-out penetration right away, if ever. Because there’s so much fullness and contact between the vaginal/anal walls and the fist, a little movement goes a long way. Try shallow pumping, expanding and contracting your fingers and stimulating other hot spots like the clit or penis.

When you’ve had your fisting fill, take a few minutes before pulling out post-orgasm, as the contracting muscles won’t give up that fist easily. Adding more lube for an easier exit, slip a finger between your wrist and the anal or vaginal opening to break the sucking, vacuum-like seal you may feel post-orgasm. This will release trapped air and allow fister to slide out, again very slowly and finger by finger.

For a hot visual how-to, check out educational sex site KinkAcademy.com’s fisting video starring the very sexy Dylan Ryan and Aiden Fyre. With an approachable educational style and genuine chemistry, Dylan and Aiden take you through warming up and getting in, with a refreshing emphasis on glove use and partner communication. Especially if you’re brand new to fisting, this video is a great introduction to the often taboo topic as it allows you to explore fisting in an educational instead of a strictly voyeuristic way, making it easier to break the ice with yourself or a partner.