Better Man

30 Days to a better man

30 Days to a better man Sample N.U.Ts Here’s a short list of Non-negotiable, Unalterable Terms provided by the men of our BetterMen Community. These will give you an idea of the N.U.Ts that men, like you, have developed for themselves in their efforts to be the men they’ve always wanted to be. • I am faithful to my wife. • I say what I want. • Compassion for my family trumps my need to be right. • I replace doubt with acts of faith. • I am a risk taker. • I devote at least three hours a week to my writing. • I live in accordance with my religious faith. • I do what I believe is in the best interest of my kids, even if they disagree. • My commitment to my children comes before everything else. • I do not ask for permission. • Fear does not keep me from taking risks. • I do not indulge my addictions. • I am a man of my word—period! • I take my problems to men, not to women. • I do not show anger to my elderly mother. • I do not tolerate my wife’s attempts to belittle me. • When name-calling begins, the discussion is over. • I spend time with other men. • I have my own private office/space some place in my house. • I exercise regularly. • I do whatever it takes to keep my family in our home. • I ask for help when I’m not being the man I want to be. • I speak my mind in spite of my fear of confrontation. • I honor my daily spiritual practice. • I welcome feedback. • I only apologize when it’s appropriate, not simply to please others. 112

Brett and Kate McKay • I do not hide out at work just to avoid issues at home. • I decide how I interact with my boys. • I choose which of my friendships to maintain. • I do not sell out who I am to placate others. • I share my men’s work with the men in my life. • I do as I see fit. This list is here simply to inspire you. Maybe some of these N.U.Ts resonate with you. If so, use them and make them your own. Can you imagine the transformation in your life and relationships if you were this clear about your terms? Can you see how much easier it would be for you make decisions? Do you understand how you owning your N.U.Ts makes it so much easier for those around you to rely upon you and respect you? Finding Your N.U.Ts Understanding the importance of finding and never compromising your N.U.Ts—your Non-negotiable, Unalterable Terms—is the most important thing you, as a man, will do. Once you find your N.U.Ts, never forget them and never compromise them. Some men find their N.U.Ts over time, while others sit down and make a list. Either way, here are some of the questions you’ll want to ask yourself: • What’s most important to me in life? • Are there activities I used to do for fun that I no longer do? Is someone interfering and am I resentful because of it? • Are there valuable friendships with men I’ve let slip away? • Where am I currently having problems (unhappy, frustrated, sad, angry, resentful) in my life, and did compromising myself—and what’s important to me—contribute to my feelings and/or the situation? • What dreams have I abandoned? • If I’m going to be the man I want to be, what will I have to do differently? 113