Heather Stone as Interviewed by Sam Landman

Heather Stone is a founding member of Sandbox Theatre and originated the role of Heather Fawn for This Is A World To Live In.

Sam: All right, so I got Heather Stone here and, uh, I’ve got some questions for her. So here we go. Heather, we met specifically through an ex-girlfriend – we won’t name names, but we technically also met doing a film.
Heather: Right!
S: What was the name of that film? Do you remember what that was?
H: Pals?
S: It was Pals! And you played like a Drill Instructor type of person.
H: She was like a Nazi.
S: She was a Nazi. And, uh – this is awkward. I wanted to start it off really awkward. So: I’d known you, blah blah, then I broke up badly – my bad – with this girl and the next day, as I was getting kicked out of her apartment, you and I had a shoot. Do you remember what you said to me?
H: No. Was it something really mean?!
S: No! It wasn’t mean, but you were basically like –
H: “I hate you”?
S: No! You were like, “I’m sorry. I have allegiance to ‘XYZ’ and I really like you, but you have to understand I kind of have to not like you for a while.” That was the hardest thing I ever heard Heather Stone say to me.
H: Oh, wow. But look at us now!
S: I know! Chums! So did you ever see Pals? Do you have a copy of it?
H: I do have a copy of it.
S: On VHS?
H: Is it on VHS?
S: It is. Well, maybe it’s on DVD.
H: I think it’s on DVD.
S: What did you think of the final product?
H: Oy.
S: Why?
H: That was – that was just… I… aaah.
S: Really?
H: I just felt dumb.
S: You felt dumb?
H: I mean watching it – I just felt dumb about me.
S: You’d done other on-camera stuff.
H: Not really! That was one of my first. So I didn’t know what I was doing and getting myself into.
S: Yeah, I don’t think anybody did.
H: I just felt like it could have been a better play off of Friends.
S: Yeah, I think everyone felt that way.
H: No offense to Neil!
S: God, you remember Neil’s name! I’d completely forgot that guy’s name. So you grew up in – ?
H: Well, I’m a Midwest girl. I was born in Nebraska, but never went to school there. Most of my growing up was in a small town of Solon, Iowa and I finished High School in Kansas – Shawnee Mission, Kansas.
S: Kansas? What’s Kansas like?
H: Flat. And lots of wheat. Actually, it’s not too much different from Minneapolis. People are gonna be like, “What the hell did she just say?!” But, I mean, growing up in Shawnee Mission was fine. I would say it was middle class – probably above middle class, but we weren’t above middle class.
S: Shawnee Mission – so you were you surrounded by Native Americans a lot?
H: (laughs) No. No, no. Bunch a white people.
S: Bunch a white people. It was just called that because we took over their land?
H: Yeah, pretty much. I mean, you know, we took over all of it.
S: All of it – yeah, I suppose. (pauses) Ever done any mind-altering drugs?
H: Nope.
S: No? None? Peyote? LSD?
H: I am the most boring, plain –
S: Have you ever smoked – ever lit up a J? In Amsterdam?
H: No. I’ve never been to Amsterdam.
S: Oh. So you haven’t – nothing? Not mushrooms?
H: Nothing.
S: You never, uh – heroin?
H: (laughs) No!
S: Ok, so apparently –
H: Wanna see?
S: Ok, no tracks.
H: No tracks.
S: So we were on the subject – you’re kind of a globe-trotter.
H: Yes.
S: You’ve been to a lot of countries. Name off a few of the countries you’ve been to – you’ve been to a few several times.
H: Yes. I’ve been to Italy three times, I’ve been to England twice, Spain, Portugal, Mexico, the Bahamas, Puerto Rico – I guess, though, that’s part of us.
S: Yeah, that one’s American. What was your favorite?
H: Italy.
S: Obviously. You’ve been there –
H: Yeah, three times.
S: Why Italy?
H: It’s just – the food! And they’re just – everybody, the people, they just leave you alone, yet they’re like, “Welcome! Thanks for trying to speak our language, but we’ll speak English because you’re a dumb American and you’re spending your money in our country and we love you!” But it’s just the pasta – and the old people, actually. I just love watching the old people strolling around, holding hands and they’re just talking and talking with their hands – they just seem so happy and full of life and not a care in the world. It’s so great to be in that atmosphere.
S: Well, we were going to go to Italy and we skipped it. We mainly wanted to go because you’ve been so many times. And I think we went to Wisconsin. I don’t remember what we did.
H: (laughs) Italy? Wisconsin. Ok.
S: It had old people talking with their hands – we had the same experience, Heather. Sorry, we really did. They do speak another language over there. Um, alright, so… name an album that you’d listen to for the rest of your life, if someone forced you to throw away every single other piece of music. Chuck Klosterman talks about this in Fargo Rock City and he has a list of 25 albums. He puts a price on all these albums – these metal albums – that if you paid him an amount, he would never listen to that album again. I’m going the opposite way, though. I’m saying you would have to throw – if somebody paid you a certain amount of money, let’s say a million dollars, and said you had to listen to one album for the rest of your life. Whenever you feel like music, you have to put this in. Everything else in your collection, you’ve got to throw away.
H: Uh-huh.
S: What’s one album that you could definitively say, “Alright”? There’s no judgment, no judgment.
H: I know. It would be The Carpenters’ holiday, uh, Christmas album.
S: (laughs)
H: You are TOTALLY judging me right now.
S: No! I think that’s – never, in my wildest dreams, did I expect it to be: A) Carpenters or B) a holiday album. Because you realize, Christmas only comes but once a year. (laughs)
H: (laughs) I know, I know.
S: But it puts you in a great mood.
H: Yes! It reminds me of Solon, it reminds me of Iowa, it reminds me of being a kid. MY YOUTH.
S: That’s great. That’s a great answer. I’m not judging. I’m not a big Carpenters fan. I know a lot of people who are, but – she was a hell of a drummer, I’ll just say that. So what’s the last book you read? Do you remember? Recent?
H: Yeah, I did. I did just read a book. I don’t really read-read. I read magazines. Um, but I usually read books when I fly. So I can’t really tell you… oh! The one about the, uh, traveling dude who travels through time – there was that stupid movie with Eric Bana that was made.
S: Time Traveler’s Wife.
H: Yeah, I read that coming back from – that’s the one that sticks with me because I was just bawling – on the flight back to the States. And this guy was sitting next to me and I’m just BAWLING at the end of this book.
S: Really?
H: Yeah.
S: So Eric Bana was really good in this book, is that what you’re saying?
H: (laughs) Yeah, he was really good in the book.
S: So good. The Hulk was really good in this book. (laughs) Ok, wait. Side note. Becky just said she saw some movie that I would never like normally, but she says, “So-and-so’s in it, Julia Stiles is in it, and so is the Hulk! You know. What’s his name?” And I was like, “Lou Ferrigno?” And she’s like, “No! You know! The guy!” “Eric Bana?” “No, the other one.” Anyway. Wow, I’ve really gotten through a lot of these and we’re at about the sixteen minute mark. Let’s see what I’ve missed. (pauses) Oh, ok. I got it. This is a really good one. And I’m sure you’ll come up with a humdinger of an idea for this.
H: Great. Pressure is on!
S: Ok, I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours. I have a guilty pleasure movie that I’ve watched more times, quite possibly, than my favorite movies. It’s a guilty pleasure movie. I don’t like to admit it very much and I’ll tell you what it is. You’ve Got Mail.
H: Really?!
S: Yeah, I know, right? Is there a guilty pleasure movie you wouldn’t mind admitting to right here, but you wouldn’t normally say, “Oh yeah, I love this movie.”
H: Um. No.
S: No? You don’t have any? There’s not one movie you’re like, “Yeah, I LOVE… Human Centipede.” Or, “I don’t want to tell anybody, but I love this movie!” No?
H: (laughs) No. I’m pretty much open with… I mean – Pride and Prejudice, the BBC series. But – hello!
S: That’s your bag.
H: Yes, exactly. I feel like I’ve disappointed you now.
S: No, you haven’t! You’ve answered every single question in a dramatically wonderful way! This is one letdown. I’m not gonna hold this against you. Ok, ok, so. One of the first dates that Becky and I went on was to go see – it was the first time she ever met you – to go see Zelda: Wonderland.
H: Oh my gosh! I was –
S: You were naked.
H: How nice. “This is my friend, Heather.” “HI!”
S: Yes, and she had just met you outside. We had seen you going in. And she loved the show and loved you and everybody in it. I don’t think she’d ever seen a Sandbox show before, either. So she really liked it, but she was like, “Wow, she was nude.” It was like – I hadn’t seen these… I hadn’t seen those (laughs)… I hadn’t seen THAT in a Sandbox show before. But it’s friggin’ Zelda Fitzgerald, so what do you expect? So. Ok. So. What do you think is the most awesome part of your body? Because I was like – ok, this is a horrible segue, but if we have to go there, I’ll give you what I think is your most – no, I won’t. I won’t say that.
H: Well, my mother would say my ears.
S: Aww.
H: I know.
S: Oh, look at your cute ears! I never noticed your ears.
H: (laughs) But I would have to say, um – I’m going to say my mouth.
S: Oh. It’s a nice mouth.
H: Meaning my smile.
S: Yes. We won’t take that a different direction.
H: (laughs)
S: Weirdest place you’ve made out? Or had sex. Or just made out. It can go either way.
H: Sam! I’m so boring!
S: I know you’re one of those people.
H: What does THAT mean?
S: You’re one of those boring people. (laughs) You listen to The Carpenters Christmas Album! No, no. You can pass. It’s fine.
H: I mean, I’ll pass only because I don’t have any. I would LIKE to experience a weird place to either make out or, um, have sex in.
S: Ok. Well that’s a goal!
H: That’s a goal. (laughs)
S: All right. This last one is pretty dumb, but I’m going to ask it anyway. Are there any modern – everybody uses the word “heroes” a lot, like, “Oh my God! That guy who landed that plane on the water!”
H: Captain Scully.
S: Captain Scully. Well, I agree – he is a hero. But I think there’s a lot of hero-worship these days that’s not necessarily warranted. Not saying he – I think he IS. Is there someone – a personal hero of yours that you would go, “I look up to this person”? It can be an actress. It can be Kate Winslet. Someone who you go, “That’s someone I really admire”? Not necessarily aspire to be, but a person who –
H: Yeah. My co-worker, Diane. She’s never crabby at work. And is just very “How can I help?”. Even when she’s super swamped, she just doesn’t let it show and she’s just, “How can I help you?” and “We can make that work!” and blah blah blah. And I’m like, “Wow. Why can’t I be like that?”
S: Diane.
H: Diane. She’s great.
S: Ok, that’s all I got.