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At the beginning of the email, Strong Bad claims to be The Poopsmith in disguise, incorrectly implying that the two of them have never been seen in the same place at the same time. He also claims that the famous pile of whatsit is actually a smoldering pile of cash... covered in whatsit. Strong Bad's scam is quickly brought to a halt when The Poopsmith pokes him with his shovel in the Computer Room. An Easter egg during this scene allows one to see a cross between The Poopsmith and Strong Bad.

Tip Tappers, an expensive briefcase carrier, is Strong Bad's secret identity for when he is "on tour". He uses this identity when he wants to check into a hotel and not be bothered by legions of fans. He checks into Bubs' Motor Lodge under this name, adding "unless some girl asks what room Strong Bad's in. And she's at least a seven out of ten, or six if she's naked."

Vance "Daddy" Mudgeman is the identity Strong Bad uses when he visits his secret second family in a trailer home in Broiter Grove. As Vance, he wears a grease-stained shirt and has stubble on his face. He only seems to watch TV while kids play elsewhere in the house. He claims the kids love him, but he frequently yells at them and threatens to smack them if they misbehave. "You gotta be firm."

Under the "pseudoname" Cara Carabowditbowdit, Strong Bad writes the advice column for Scarfgirl, a popular woman's magazine. He attempts to make the girls of the world "cooler for all us dudes". His disguise is a brown wig with a skull and bone on it. Cara encourages her readers to play more explodey video games (not the girly kind where you pretend to be a dog or a frog) — she claims that this will make your guy stop talking about his ex. The response is signed "Eat a steak: Cara Carabowditbowdit" Marzipan thinks Cara doesn't know what she's talking about, and she disapproves of her "pseudoname". Homestar Runner thinks that Marzipan is jealous because Cara gets all the hot boys. Cara's hairstyle is a costume item available from the start in Homestar Ruiner.