Category Archives: Listening

When someone we love (or not) is speaking, are we listening? Or are we half-listening, tuned partially to the recognition of possible keywords while formulating our own.

It’s important.

If a sales person had this very bad habit, that person would soon be out of work.

I have a friend who does this constantly.

She has a friend who has a bad temper. he monitors himself constantly.

Of course the poor listener has no way of knowing that her friend is trying to overcome his lack of patience; she couldn’t possibly hear what is going on in his mind.. She doesn’t even know what comes out of his lips. And when he finally loses his temper, she thinks she is blameless and that he “always” loses his temper.

Thank you for offering to help but for the moment I really need to focus, which for me requires solitude.

Note: Sometimes we want so badly to help, that when the act itself is not accepted, we may confuse the lack of acceptance of this act to be a rejection of our love and subsequently of ourselves.

If this is not understood by the one offering to help, the lack of acceptance can be misunderstood and can lead to a situation in which the kind act loses its loving ambience and now appears to be threatening. I have in recent weeks been the occupant of both roles. Each time I learned something. Each time the acquired knowledge came after the event. In one case I was offering to help a loved one and was seemingly rebuked. I was hurt and so was the other participant.

In a more recent scenario I was the object of a loving offer of assistance. My need for focus and solitude was great and was mistaken for a challenge to compete. I was too heavily focused on myself to fully explain my need. It went badly. We are both experiencing emotional discomfort.

Fortunately, in both relationships there is far too much love for lasting resentments to persist.