A forum for Disciplined Husbands and Their Significant Others to Share regarding F/m Domestic Discipline and Female Led Relationships. No offense to our friends in the BDSM and Master-slave communities, but that's not really what this blog is about.
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Saturday, February 28, 2015

Hello all. Happy Saturday. I hope you all had a great week. This post is one that I think a lot of disciplined husbands may want to ask their wives to read. Because it touches on a dynamic that I strongly suspected cut across a lot of DD and FLR relationships. For the last few weeks, our Forum has had a poll open consisting of some very binary questiions for disciplined men about exactly how it is they wish their wives would approach this aspect of the relationship, all centering in one or another on the level of intensity and control the desire. The available answers in each case being a simple "more" or "less." Do we want more severe spankings, or less? More frequent discipline, or less? Wives who exercise more control over us, or less. Well, the results are in and, for once, they are consistent with my pre-existing biases:

"If I could change my DD relationship, I wish (pick one from each pair that applies)":

Spankings were more severe

88
(63%)

Spankings were less severe

4
(2%)

Discipline was more frequent

112
(81%)

Discipline was less frequent

3
(2%)

My partner would exercise more control over me

94
(68%)

My partner would excercise less control over me

5
(3%)

My partner was more openly dominant

86
(62%)

My partner was less openly dominant

6
(4%)

Now, I've always cautioned that all these polls have to be taken with a very big grain of salt. The sample sizes are limited, they are open to anyone who stops by, and the people who stop by may not be a representative sample of the DD community, let alone the community at large. But, these results are so lop-sided, that is hard NOT to read something real into them. Our Disciplined Husbands (at least the 138 who voted) resoundingly, overwhelmingly want their wives to do what they are doing -- only MORE SO.

(Note, the overall percentages don't work out well, because people had the option of responding to less than all questions, so you really have to compare the votes for each binary choice.)

This poll also has a bit of a history. It extends from an off-line email conversation I had with one of our Disciplinary Wives in which she expressed what I think is a very common concern, i.e. that in being consistently rigorous in enforcing her rules and being a strong Leader in the relationship, it might be more than he wanted. I told her I really doubted it and that, at least for me, the best advice I saw on the old Disciplinary Wives Club was to err on the side of being strict and severe. The men who ask for these kind of relationships want them for a reason. They really, truly, want to be subject to hard, consistent discipline. If he isfeeling any disappointment, it is much more likely to be because his wife is not being strict enough, not being consistent enough, not being severe enough.

These results certainly bear that out. Where spankings are concerned, disciplined men want them to be harder and more frequent. With the level of control, it's the same. Very slighlty fewer want a more openly dominant spouse, but the results still tilt way on the side of "more."

Now, there are two possible takeaways for our Disciplinary Wives. The first, and one I hope you don't feel, is that this puts you under more pressure to lead and to be stern and, in short, to be even more of something that you're already struggling with. But, the alternative way to look at it--and this dovetails nicely with last week's question--is that to the extent any "struggles" you have with stepping into the role of a full DD wife are because you think that he may balk, resist or be silently unhappy, these results are a very strong indication that you likely have his full and complete permission to take on all the leadership you are willing to take. The odds are very high that he wants you to be stern, he wants you to be strict, he wants you to rigorously enforce your rules. And, he wants to pay a price when he screws up. Therefore, if part of you really likes being in full control of your relationship and really wants to be his disciplinarian, this poll says one thing: Jump in with both feet!

As always, I think the key is communication. If you have doubts about whether your particular Disciplined Husband wants "more" or "less" or is a Goldilocks mental state of "its just right," then ask him outright. But, based on this poll, there is a strong chance that he really wants you in the role of leader of the relationship and will turn over the control if you're willing to take it.

I don't really have an actual question on this one. Instead, I'll just open it up for comments.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

It is with no small sense of irony that, the day after Alan posted a comment suggesting spanking is out of the closet and no longer that controversial, I learned that Google has issued a new content policy under which it will make "private" sexually explicit blogs. They have exceptions for sexual content that has some independent scientific or artistic merit. Whatever that means. And, of course, they don't really tell anyone what that means. It isn't at all clear to me whether drawings would be included or even whether it applies to sexually-oriented text that doesn't contain graphic images.

While I think an invitation-only blog could work fine, Google has capped partipants at 100 people, and it is by invitation only, which is a problem given that even our more prolific contributors are often posting anonymously and don't even have a fake profile and email address to which to send the invitation.

Given that there is little actual sexual content on this blog, I'm hoping we fly under the radar of the sphincter police. But, there is some content that could placee our "public" status at risk. So, I will over the next few days remove some of the more sexually explicit drawings, and I also will likely start deleting comments that have a lot of sexual content, especially content that doesn't have a whole hell of a lot to do with DD or FLR. Sorry, this really is annoying, and hopefully there will be a big enough outcry that they will rethink this, but i doubt it.

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Hello all. Welcome, and happy Saturday. This seemed like a very long week.

This week's topic is one that I am intentionally leaving a little vague, because I think it could take the discussion in some interesting directions. I also hope it enourages participation from our disciplinary wives in particular.

It seems obvious that being on the receiving end of a disciplinary spanking can be hard. As can learning to submit to authority, particularly if you are wired as I am and really don't take orders well. But, I suspect that many men fail to appreciate the challenges of being the disciplinarian and of exercising leadership over another person. In fact, I suspect that a lot of blossoming FLR and DD relationships die on the vine because of the husband's unreasonable expectations regarding his wife's abiilty to suddenly become a totally different person, preferably a leather-clad, whip wielding Dominatrix.

So, who is DD and FLR harder for, the recipient or the dominant?
Particularly for our disciplinary wives, what challenges do you face in
becoming a strong leader or disciplinarian? Are there things your husband could do to help you beome more comfortable in that role? Or, are my assumptions wrong and you personally found it quite easy to take the leadership role in your relationship?

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Hi all. I hope you had a great week. Before we got onto this week's topic, I now step into the role of movie critic and report on last night's viewing of 50 Shades. In short, it somehow manages to make S&M boring. I took my wife in the hope that seeing a Dom in action might give her some tips on demeanor. Not so much. I did not find Jamie Dornan the least bit believable as a Dom. He just doesn't bring to the role any sense that this is a guy who has the gravitas to control other people. And, I think it is even worse than the book when it comes to portraying spanking and kink in a negative light. Finally, when you remove the kink, this is just one more "working girl meets rich messed up guy; he saves her and she saves him right back" movie, but there are a hundred better done examples of that genre.

So, on to this week's topic, which was inspired by something that happened at my gym this week. After my morning workout, I was in the locker room getting ready to take a shower. A guy who I have seen naked in that locker room hundreds of times was getting dressed in front of an adjoining locker. He had showered and was wrapped in a towel. What caught my attention was that when it came time to put on his underwear and pants, he pulled them on while still wearing the towel, such that his bare bottom was never exposed. Only after he was clothed from the waist down did he remove the towel.

I can come up with no other explanation for why he kept that towel in place, other than covering signs of a recent spanking! As I said, this is someone who I have seen naked dozens of times, and he has never exhibited any shyness about baring his body. In fact, the guy is one of the most chiseled and ripped specimens in the gym -- he definitely has no reason to hide anything, other than perhaps some bruises or striping from a recent disciplinary sesssion!

So, this week's question is, have you ever had to cover the telltale signs of a recent spanking? Tell us all about it!

Saturday, February 7, 2015

Hi all. I hope you had a great week. That was a really good discussion. If it taught anything, it was that people get into DD and FLR for all sorts of reasons and, if there is any correlation with spanking or lack thereof when growing up, it seems to be pretty damn loose.

This week's topic is about the extent to which DD and FLR relationships extend beyond the core relationship. Do you find that your DD or FLR role, whether you are the more dominant or the more subordinate party, has an impact on other parts of your life? If you are subject to DD at home, do you find yourself submitting more at work? Conversely, for our disciplinary wives, do you find that taking that leadership position at home causes you to display those leadership and dominant tendencies in other areas? I could also see this going in the other direction. Maybe you are submissive at home, and that gives the freedom to be more commanding at work? Or, is DD something that is a discrete and isolated part of your existence, that doesn't have much impact on how you behave in the rest of your life?

Also, you may have noticed that I posted a new poll. It is meant to test whether those who are in these lifestyles want the experience to be even more rigorous and intense, or less so. I would ask everyone to hold off on comments until the poll closes.