I will be your driver for today. If you chose regular Lyft or Uberx, you are appreciated and can have up to 4 people on this ride today. If you chose Lyft line or Uber pool, I dislike you already, and you will only get a total of 2 people on today’s ride and don’t even let me hear your mouth about picking up a 3rd or 4th person.
Some ground rules to go over.

Don’t smoke or ask to smoke.

My car= My radio

Don’t ask me about lowering the a/c

I don’t make pit stops at drive-thru fast food places.

If you mess my car up, I will be getting up to $150 from you, and there is not a single thing you can do about it. So be respectful to my car.

Don’t become my GPS. I am not a moron and will get you to where you are going. If I need your input, I will ask you.

Don’t be bringing your babies in my shit with no car seat. You are the worst parent ever if you do and I will cancel on you faster than Tom Brady leaving the stadium in a Super Bowl.

Don’t get in my car all stupid drunk and try to impress your stupid friends with how much You can mess with the Uber driver.

I am your driver, not your bitch so don’t try to act like these companies own me and I won’t turn around and let you know that you’re being a jackass and don’t think I won’t throw your ass out of my car anywhere at anytime.

Tipping guidelines:
If you get a cab do you tip? The answer better is yes, and same goes for me. I drive you around for peanuts, and you know you are getting a break on that price unless it’s surging and in that case, you are being taken for more rides than 1. So yeah I expect a tip and not that $1.00 bullshit.

Be courteous to me, and I’ll give you that same respect back. Sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. Have a great day.

Add to this that you don’t work for Uber, you are an independent contractor which means you own your own business, and if you are an LLC or S-Corp you employ yourself. Which means that the passenger is an Uber customer using your company to drive them. If your passenger causes you problems you can sue both the passenger and Uber, however, if the passenger wants to sue Uber for issues, they will have a problem, since you don’t work for Uber, you work for a different company that is in contract with Uber. (gotit?)

Every word inscribed in stone my man. I think that was Moses third tablet, the one he forgot to give since he was too busy being pissed at the golden calf revelers. There are two more you forgot:
9. Don’t wash yourself in perfume or after shave, I won’t suffocate because you want to cover up your BO.
10. If your late, I wont be there! Ha! No Show baby.