I come from a long line of extended bf's and have no personal experience with choosing not to bf. but I wanted to mention the fact that some women are abused sexually or physically in childhood/ young womanhood and could need years of therapy before they could consider the intimacy that is bfing. It is possible and some women don't have that response, but some do. We only walk in our own shoes and sometimes it's difficult to imagine what someone else's experience is. Best not to judge others choices.

__________________~Elizabeth RN~
Proud Mama toHannah (5/98), Parker(3/01), Sofia (7/03) and Lily(10/10)Happy to beagain after a bit of a break

Because number 1, it's no one else's business how they decide to feed their kid. And, because number 2, to the bolded, it's not like that for everyone. I know women who have driven themselves to the depths of ppd trying to bf their kids so they're not judged as harshly as you've done. It's not all rainbows and unicorns to everyone.

This thread is not about judgment, which is interesting because I think you came out of the gates judging me.

In the cases you mention though, those are unknowable until you try. KWIM? Having PPD or having a crazy rough time (btw I had a NICU baby and painful cracked bleeding mastitis for over a month the first time so believe you me it wasn't "rainbows and unicorns" here either ), wouldn't be known until you've at least *tried*. See what I'm saying? I'm asking about women who decide -in advance- not to even try.

Eta...I also wanted to say that I'm NOT bashing anyone who chooses not to or physically or medically cannot...It is totally the mother's choice. I have several friends who started out and I tried to give them advice if they wanted it. If they chose formula that was fine with me too. It's not my place to judge. I just think so many things change when you have your baby that you don't always think about things the same way you did before. I think it is a decision that I would like to see more moms make after the birth than before.

The only person I know who flat out REFUSED to BF her baby was someone who already had a steady supply, had a premature baby who she had been pumping for that was in the NICU for MONTHS, but just didn't *want* to nurse, and put her baby on formula as soon as he was released to come home....

I have no idea why, and I cannot even pretend to guess.

It's possible she was on some meds or something that prevented her from BFing. I don't know.

It's not something I could ever do, I don't understand it... but just like I don't want to be judged for my parenting choices, I certainly cannot judge hers.

I don't understand why or how someone would decide NOT to breast feed (even while pregnant, I mean). It makes me sad. It seems like so many women are giving up early or just never starting to begin with. Nursing has been such and important and wonderful part of having and caring for our five children, and I'm looking forward to breast feeding my new little guy, due in 19 days.

Do you have friends or relatives who have decided in advance NOT to breašfeed? What were their reasons? I do know that some women who have had breast alterations sometimes can't nurse but aside from a true physical inability, why wouldn't a gal at least try it and see?

Um, because they don't WANT to?!?! That's a 100% perfectly valid reason. Formula is NOT rat poison. Its food. And it's even GOOD food, it's not like a mom who chooses not to BF is shoving twinkies down a newborn's throat. (no offense to twinkies, they are very tasty but it's for sure not a good for you food.)

I have a thread on here about BFing my 4th. We have had problems, I have spent the last week pumping and taking pills and nursing while walking and fighting baby to get him back to the boob...because I want to and because BFing is free (well, if you don't count the cost of the fenugreek and the blessed thistle or the pump or pump supplies....yeah, cheaper but not so free.) Obviously I want to BF my little one, if you read through the thread you see how I really fought for it.

BUT, my first, I CHOSE to FF from birth. Not cause I wasn't informed, not cause I was selfish, not cause I wanted to abandon my baby to someone else's care, but because I didn't want to. I could go into the whole schpeal about how I was a single parent, working and going to school full time, but ultimately, if I wanted to BF I would have. I didn't want to. Plain and simple. It's not up to you to be sad for my now 17 yr old. Who is in honors classes in high school, taking AP classes next year, not overweight, doesn't have allergies, is rarely sick and generally proves that formula isn't going to doom anyone to any sort of terrible life.

Yeah, these threads irritate me and yeah I know you never said anything about formula being awful etc etc. But that's ALWAYS the underlying current to these threads and so that's what I am addressing.

The one person that I know who said no way did not like how her boobs smelled.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Art mama

Wow...I'm not sure what to say about this one!

She basically left him at my house till he was over a year all day till his dad came home from work. She visited during the day (she was my coworker and neighbor) for periods of time, but was not very maternal. He started calling me mommy, so we had to train him to call me nawny. He still calls me that 11 years later.

Oddly enough I don't know anyone in real life that has had a baby in the last few years that actually breastfed at all. Everyone has gone right to the bottle.

Reasons I have heard..
Going back to work right after or shortly after giving birth.
Bottles allow Dad to help with the feeding
Can't drink and breastfeed
People said it hurts
Not stuck with the baby and having to be "on call" for its feedings. Allows mom more freedom to travel, attend social events without bringing baby, ect

I personally find that women of previous generations discourage it. I can't tell you how many times I have heard a women 50 or older tell someone that they shouldn't breastfeed.

__________________
Adoption is my option!Adoptive Mom to Cory (6 years old)
Heartbreakingly long wait to adopt baby 2. (5 years waiting at this point with no end in sight) Please lord..end this wait soon.

This thread is not about judgment, which is interesting because I think you came out of the gates judging me.

In the cases you mention though, those are unknowable until you try. KWIM? Having PPD or having a crazy rough time (btw I had a NICU baby and painful cracked bleeding mastitis for over a month the first time so believe you me it wasn't "rainbows and unicorns" here either ), wouldn't be known until you've at least *tried*. See what I'm saying? I'm asking about women who decide -in advance- not to even try.

Whether you intended it to be about judgement or not, that is the way it sounds from the get go IMO. I tried with my first ( I have severely inverted nipples) and we did everything the lc could think of and it never worked. I was stressed and depressed for the 2 weeks we tried. I decided before having my second I was not going through that again, my sanity is more important than looking good in someone elses eyes. (Stupidly, I did try again, same results). These threads always hit a nerve with me because you make people feel ashamed for choosing what they feel is best for their child and their family based on your personal opinion.