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Thursday, June 18, 2015

What now? (AM)

When I was little and growing up as a tiny catholic, I used to really worry that God would send me a calling and I would have to become a nun. Catholicism is littered with stories of saints who were just regular folk, going about their business until God called them to his flock. I was very worried this would happen to me and the life that I was making for myself (watching cartoons on Saturday morning, trailing around after my brothers, hoping that the cool kids would accept me) would be over. I liked my life. I didn't want it to be over. I was concerned.

At first I thought I would just ignore the calling if it came. They seemed to be pretty private affairs, so if I got one in a dream or something, then who would know right? Right? Wrong. Apparently ignoring a call is pretty much the worst thing you can do, worse than murder. Funny how ignoring a call from God will send you to hell forever, but ignoring abuse perpetrated upon hundreds of children will make you a cardinal and let you vote on who gets to be pope. But that's a puzzle for another time.

As it turned out, I never got a call and I never had to face god's test, and so phew for me. But I was reminded of all this the other day when I faced another test. While walking home from the tram stop, I found a pineapple and two lobsters on the ground, and I am not talking about fruit and crustaceans. I'm talking ducats. Filthy lucre. Cash money. Just lying on the ground with no visible owner.

It was a thrilling and alarming discovery. Finding money is the best. But finding so much money? That's quite distressing. The person who lost it would be so upset! I felt I couldn't take it because it was so much money. But the person who lost it was nowhere to be seen. And I stood there for 10 minutes, waiting to for someone to come by, so I should know. So what was I to do? Leave it there for someone else to find? That didn't seem sensible at all. I was being tested and I didn't know what to do. And Appleheart was not answering his phone because he was at home watching his favourite program, If You Are The One. Eventually a gust of wind and along and started to scatter the money about the place and for some reason, this prompted me to scoop it up and quickly walk home. But I knew the test wasn't over. So I made this sign and stuck it up on the lamppost right next to where I found it.

Then I waited for two weeks. No call.

So, like, is the test over? Is the cash money mine? I'm still confused.