This is part of an ongoing series of assignments that I had for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. This was a very meaningful project for me, as I too was adopted, but I had found a forever family when I was only months old. Many of the children I documented in this series were not so fortunate, spending years in a system that passed them from one home to another until DTFA stepped in and helped them find a stable home life and loving forever family.

On a cold, clear November evening in 2015, Robbin and Steven Brydges climbed into a big white bus in the middle of a Walmart parking lot. It was here, in this unassuming locale, that they met their sons for the first time.

“I knew Dawson loved super heroes,” Robbin shares, “so I’d gotten a manicure with super hero icons on each finger, like Superman’s S and the Bat signal.” They hit it off right away. Over the next few months, Robbin and Steven made several more trips to Ohio to visit Dawson and his brother Dalton, and in May of 2016 brought the boys to their Jacksonville, Florida home for good.

Robbin and Steven hadn’t considered adopting two children. But when Rachel, a Wendy’s Wonderful Kids Recruiter, told them about Dawson and Dalton, they knew they had to keep the boys together. “Dalton has cerebral palsy and epilepsy, so we were nervous,” Steven says. “We didn’t know if we could give him the care he needed.” But the Brydges made the commitment, and it’s made all the difrerence in their lives — and those of Dalton and Dawson. “I kept praying for years and years that they wouldn’t take me away from Dalton,” says Dawson. “I was very afraid.”

Today, the boys are thriving in their home. Dawson is doing well in school, Dalton’s health has markedly improved and the boys’ laughter fills the house. “Life has been much more fulfilling,” Steven says. “It’s a lot more fun to share it with these kids.”

“We all love each other and we’re all kind and we’re all good at having fun together!” – Dawson Brydges, age eight, on his favorite thing about his family

This is the fifth of a series of assignments that I had for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. This was a very meaningful project for me, as I too was adopted, but I had found a forever family when I was only months old. Many of the children I documented in this series were not so fortunate, spending years in a system that passed them from one home to another until DTFA stepped in and helped them find a stable home life and loving forever family.

Soon after Robb and Marc met Tyler, then nine, he cut right to the chase. “When are you going to adopt me?” he asked as they drove to a coffee shop.

The question caught Marc off guard. “I’m not usually at a loss for words,” says Marc, “but it took me a minute to figure out what to say. I ended up telling him that we’d need to see how it went and make sure it was a good fit.” “I think it’s a good fit,” Tyler answered immediately. After two weeks, Marc and Robb knew Tyler was right. He moved in with them soon after. “It was very meant to be,” Robb says.

“Tyler is so polite, so kind. He takes our next door neighbor’s trash cans in for her. He walks the elderly across the street. Seriously.” Together, the family travels, cooks, entertains and takes walks. “We’re loving, fun and outgoing,” Tyler says.

“That’s what makes this a really great family. “When strangers tell you things about your son, like ‘what a great kid,’ it just makes you so proud.”

In 2009, Marc and Robb were living a life that many dream of, filled with successful professional careers and frequent travel, but they both agreed that something was still missing. Having a child had always been important to the couple, and it felt as though the time to pursue an addition to their family had arrived. Robb tells Reader’s Digest, “We’ve always known someone was missing at the table, and we’ve always wanted a family. We’ve always wanted someone to teach to tie their shoes, someone to visit colleges with.”

Once the decision had been made to begin the adoption process, Marc and Rob completed a “Family Available” sheet, a document that uses photographs and personal information to introduce a child to prospective parents. “It’s an opportunity to give a child the chance to feel like they get to choose you, instead of you choosing them,” Robb explains. Originally looking for a child from infant age to seven, the couple scanned several thick binders full of profiles of waiting children. Robb recalls, “There were these huge binders—just full of children, all waiting for families.” When a social worker showed them the profile of a nine-year-old boy named Tyler, they decided to schedule a meeting with him even though he was older than their original preference. “We had previously talked to friends about it, and we just came to the conclusion that it would be crazy to say we would take him if he were six or seven, but not nine,” Robb says.

Marc and Robb met Tyler on a cold January day at an aquarium. “I had this excited and nervous feeling,” Robb says. “We wanted to love this child, and we wanted him to love us, too,” he adds. The initial meeting proved to be exactly what Tyler and the couple had hoped for—they all felt as though they were meant to be a family. On the way back to his foster mother’s home, Tyler softly asked from the backseat as Robb drove, “So when are you going to adopt me?” This was a question Robb hadn’t been prepared for, but a perfect way to confirm what they had all been feeling. “I pulled over and told him that we needed to make sure that it was a good fit for him, and for us—and he responded with ‘I think it’s a good fit.’ That’s when I just knew.”

Tyler was placed in foster care due to parental neglect at the age of six, and had experienced three separate foster homes in the three years prior to meeting Marc and Robb. “We think of each situation he’s been through as a tool to help him navigate his adult life. His past does not define him,” explains Marc. On December 10, 2009, Marc and Robb officially became the parents of Tyler, an event that felt a lifetime in the making.” He’s been a part of our family his entire life, it just took him a little while to get to us,” Robb says.

Today, Tyler is a 17-year-old senior in high school who works summers at the local zoo and plays the piano. He’s touring colleges with his parents and excited for the future—a future that now looks brighter than ever. “Everyone that knows Tyler loves him. He’s such a wonderful human being. We would do what we did a million times over to get Tyler,” Robb says. Marc and Robb are motivated to share their story of adopting Tyler to help others understand that adopting an older child can be wonderful, and full of some of the same things you would expect to experience with a younger child. “These kids are not in foster care because they had great parents,” Robb says. “You’ll have the firsts with older kids that you would have had with younger ones—we taught Tyler to ride his bike, brush his teeth—all of those things,” he adds. Robb and Marc were once told by a family friend to not forget about older children as an option for their family. “He said, remember that they come back home during college—they’ll come back to you for the rest of their lives,” Robb recalls. “You don’t parent a child only until they’re 18. You adopt a child for a lifetime,” Marc says. Adopting from foster care is free in many states, but the cost of adoption in other scenarios is often higher than you might expect.

Marc and Robb are both passionate about the joy that adoption, and specifically adoption of an older child, has brought to their lives. “I feel as bonded to Tyler just as much as if he were my biological child,” Marc says. “I would sacrifice myself for him in an instant, without a second thought,” he adds. The couple want others to know that parenting an adopted child is no different than parenting a biological one. “Every child has issues—biological or not—but that’s just part of being a parent,” Marc explains. “Every child is entitled to a childhood. I just want people to know that they shouldn’t make assumptions. Children in the foster system deserve a chance to be considered,” Robb adds.

This is the fourth in a series of assignments that I had for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. This was a very meaningful project for me, as I too was adopted, but I had found a forever family when I was only months old. Many of the children I documented in this series were not so fortunate, spending years in a system that passed them from one home to another until DTFA stepped in and helped them find a stable home life and loving forever family.

Laverne Moore-Jenkins and her husband Terry have been fostering children for almost 30 years — in addition to raising nine of their own. They’ve always enjoyed working with teens especially, to help them get the skills they need to transition out of the foster care system as well as provide them a place to come back to.

When Raychelle was placed in their home, Laverne didn’t want to let her go. “Had Raychelle aged out of foster care, her only option was to go to a group home,” Laverne says. “I knew that wasn’t a good place for her, and I wanted to make this her home.” By the time Raychelle joined the Jenkins family at the age of 15, she’d lived in about 26 homes. “She’d lost a lot in all those transitions,” Laverne adds. “She’s deaf and developmentally delayed. When we first met her, she only knew about 10 words of American Sign Language.”

She was in good company: Laverne and Terry didn’t know ASL either. Working together, they learned. Now they sign to each other, and Raychelle knows hundreds of words. And communication isn’t the only improvement Raychelle has made. Laverne describes Raychelle as shy and withdrawn at first. After a time, she came out of her shell. “She’s my social butterfly,” Laverne laughs. “Always giving everyone hugs and compliments I have to translate. She’s truly happy now.”

Terry and Laverne Jenkins met in the armed forces and knew they were meant to be together and join their families. At the time, Terry had two sons, and Laverne had one. Over the years they adopted two nieces due to a family tragedy, and went on to have a biological son and daughter together. They decided to become foster parents out of a desire to help other families succeed, and for the last 30 years they have done just that.

Raychelle was 15 when she first met the Jenkins. Scheduled to stay with the Jenkins for a short 72 hours, Laverne says Raychelle was placed in her home with only a black trash bag containing her belongings—which were severely lacking. “She came with clothing appropriate for an older man—not for a teenage girl. It looked as though someone’s grandfather had passed, and she was given his clothing. She had no toothbrush or pajamas—none of those things,” Laverne recalls.

It was apparent that Raychelle, born deaf, had been extremely neglected in her previous foster environments. “She hadn’t bathed in weeks, and the stench was awful. Her hair hadn’t been washed or braided, and she had bald spots from the lack of grooming. I couldn’t believe it,” Laverne told Reader’s Digest. Raychelle entered the foster care system due to neglect from her biological mother right before her sixth birthday, and had bounced from home to home throughout the years—some of which were abusive. “When Raychelle came to us she was extremely withdrawn and afraid of people. She would put her hands up because she was afraid of being hit, and her ability to communicate with others was almost nonexistent,” Laverne explains.

When a social worker told Laverne and Terry that after her weekend stay with them Raychelle would be placed in a group home, Laverne knew she had to take action. “I called the social worker I knew with Wendy’s Wonderful Kids and told her I wanted to petition for adoption immediately—there was no way a group home would be prepared to take care of Raychelle in the way she needed.” Once Raychelle was placed with the Jenkins, others began noticing changes in the teen as well. “The school social worker told me, ‘We knew she had to be in a new home, because she came to school clean,” Laverne recalls. “I told her, ‘You don’t have to worry about her anymore, she’s in the right home now,” she adds.

Laverne says that adopting Raychelle, who functions at a first grade level due to brain trauma she sustained during abuse, has been a motivation for growth in her own life. She says, “Adopting her was something that God put on my heart, and looking in her eyes I knew I was meant to be her forever mom. She’s made me a better person. I’m more empathetic and sympathetic to others. People think I’ve done great things for her, but she’s done them for me, too.”

Today, Raychelle is 20, and about to graduate high school. She only knew five American Sign Language words when arriving at the Jenkins home, and she now communicates well with over 400. Learn some fascinating facts about American Sign Language. Laverne says her daughter amazes her, and she’s learning sign language to communicate even better with Raychelle. “She’s learning to read and write, and she could barely write her name when we met. I believe she can go so much further,” she explains. Previously withdrawn and fearful, Laverne says Raychelle has grown to love others. She says, “Raychelle has more of a social life than I do, she goes to dances and recreation programs. I want her to be comfortable wherever she is, whether that’s with hearing people or non-hearing people. I want her to know her world is broad.”

Laverne wants others considering adoption of older children or those with special needs to know that any child in foster care has special needs. She explains,”Foster care children all have a special need for something. If you’re considering adoption or foster care, you should pray about it—we all have a mission in life, and if this is yours, then a higher power will provide for you.” She also encourages other adoptive parents to educate themselves about advocating for their child. “Go to the doctor and tell them what you think your child needs, get familiar with the IEP (individual education program) process, and advocate for them. If you don’t, no one else will. They can’t advocate for themselves,” she says.

This is the third in a series of assignments that I had for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. This was a very meaningful project for me, as I too was adopted, but I had found a forever family when I was only months old. Many of the children I documented in this series were not so fortunate, spending years in a system that passed them from one home to another until DTFA stepped in and helped them find a stable home life and loving forever family.

For 11 years, Wilfredo and Dimarie Ocasio have found purpose in fostering groups of siblings. In fact, they view it as their ministry to keep families together.

When a change in Texas legislation placed a halt on all group placements, the Ocasios decided to adopt the group of six siblings that were with them rather than see them split up. Today they have a total of 11 adopted children and one grandchild (so far). “You don’t plan for something like this,” says Wilfredo. “You just see kids who need a family and you fall in love.”

This is the second in a series of assignments that I had for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. This was a very meaningful project for me, as I too was adopted, but I had found a forever family when I was only months old. Many of the children I documented in this series were not so fortunate, spending years in a system that passed them from one home to another until DTFA stepped in and helped them find a stable home life and loving forever family.

“At our last track meet, CJ ran the mile. And even though he was at least a lap behind the other racers, everyone in the stands and on the team was cheering for him. ‘Go CJ!’” CJ’s mom, Dee Marks, continues with joy in her voice. “That’s exactly what life is supposed to be about: cheering for the people who are trying their hardest.”

Dee and CJ’s story didn’t start on such a high note. Diagnosed with autism, CJ came to Dee after six years in foster care with some serious behavior and communication issues. He was nine and could speak only a few words. Despite this, Dee and CJ formed a bond right away. “I decided I just wasn’t going to give up on him.” She didn’t.

Now age 13, CJ not only talks, but reads at a fifth grade level. He runs track, goes to school in a mainstream classroom, plays percussion in the band and reads aloud to his mom and sister. The teachers and caregivers who knew him a few years ago can’t believe it’s the same child.

“I have great expectations of him,” Dee says. “He’s surpassed my expectations on every level. He wants to drive someday. It may not be when he’s 16, but I believe he will reach that goal and I’m here to support him.”

Dee Marks was no stranger to adoption when she began the search for a daughter to adopt. Having already adopted her daughter, Marrena, Dee hoped to find another to add to their family. She began the search for a teenager, and was open to one with special needs. When a recruiter told her about a little boy that was considered “unadoptable,” Dee asked to hear more about him. “I still vividly remember that phone call. I listened to the recruiter but then mentioned that I was really looking for a girl with a cognitive disability, and wasn’t trained on how to raise a boy with autism,” Dee told Reader’s Digest. She adds, “I hated the word “unadoptable,” and told her to tell me more about this little boy. She told me that he was eight years old and had red hair. That’s what got me. I love red hair.” The little boy with red hair was considered to be difficult to find a home for due to his frequent and lengthy tantrums, and several other undesirable behaviors for a child his age. Dee explains, ” He had severe behaviors like throwing tantrums for long periods of time, throwing up to escape doing any schoolwork, screaming, and running away. He had not been taught how to play with toys, color, feed himself appropriately, or use the restroom—and he was eight years old.”

CJ had been in foster care for six years prior to meeting Dee, a period of life that had clearly been traumatic for the young boy. Dee explains, “Due to his inability to communicate when he moved in with me, I don’t have a verbal account of how horrible the experience was for him, but there were many indicators that foster care was so heartbreaking for my son.” She continues, “It was apparent within days that he had endured severe abuse. If anyone raised their voices or moved into his personal space unexpectedly, he would cover his head and move to the floor. As his new mom, it was so hard to witness.”

Over time, Dee’s hard work to communicate safety and trust to CJ began to succeed. She says, “It took time, but eventually CJ began to trust my daughter and me, and that we wouldn’t hurt him, no matter how severe his behaviors were. The first time he chose on his own to come sit with me on the couch, putting his legs right next to mine, was when I knew our bond was becoming stronger than his memories.”

CJ’s vast improvement since his adoption into Dee’s family is a testament to the great effort she put into providing him with stability. When he arrived in Dee’s home, CJ required around-the-clock care to ensure he was making progress with his development goals and safe, so Dee hired in-home support that was qualified to work with CJ and help him meet the goals set by his behavioral team. Dee believes the progress he has made can be attributed to two things. She explains, “First, the stability in my home was something that he had never experienced before. He began to see and understand that he was loved and, in spite of his behaviors, I wasn’t going to send him away. Second, during this same time period, we were able to help CJ understand visual icons for his wants and needs, which gave him the ability to communicate with us.”

Today, the red-haired little boy that would tantrum for hours is only a memory to Dee—and the pride she has for her son and the gains he’s made is apparent. She says of CJ today, “He’s 14 years old, talks all of the time, and attends classes with his typical peers at his middle school for 90 percent of the day. During the other 10 percent, CJ works with an intervention specialist on specific goals to help him advance his level of learning, like reading skills and math computation. He also plays percussion in the school band, performs in the annual school musical, runs on the track team, and is also a member of the cross-country team.”

Though the difference in her son since their first meeting is striking, she doesn’t want to mislead others to believe it’s been easy. Dee says, “I won’t lie and say that it’s easy. It isn’t. It takes dedication and a resolve to love, in spite of how hard it can be. You can’t fix a disability. Adopting a child who has special needs won’t “fix” them, but adoption gives them an opportunity to grow to their fullest potential.” She continues,” Being able to watch your child surpass the expectations of doctors, educators, and friends and family, all because you loved them and nourished their abilities, is an indescribable feeling.”

The hopes she holds for her son’s future are bright, and no longer unreachable. Dee says, “My hope is for CJ to be happy and to always feel loved. He’s had enough heartbreak in his young life. It’s time for him now to enjoy all that life has to offer.” She adds, ” One day, He will finish school and hold a job, live on his own with support, and be surrounded by family and friends. This isn’t a dream anymore, it’s a reality—because he’s got a family that stands beside him.”

Below is the first of a series of assignments that I had for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. This was a very meaningful project for me, as I too was adopted, but I had found a forever family when I was only months old. Many of the children I documented in this series were not so fortunate, spending years in a system that passed them from one home to another until DTFA stepped in and helped them find a stable home life and loving forever family.

“I was nine when I first met my mom and dad,” says Olivia, now 13. “I was nervous, because that’s how I am with new people.”

Lorie and Dwain Hargis – Olivia’s adoptive mom and dad – had a few hesitations as well. “I felt like we had to be on good behavior,” Lorie says. “But I also wanted her to see the real us.”

Olivia, it turns out, likes the real them quite a bit. She talks about how well they cared for her after all her surgeries (she’s had three so far). Her dad gently carried her between the couch and the bed, and her mom fed her chicken noodle soup. They both stayed by her side as she recovered. There are lighter stories too: Olivia’s first time on an airplane, late night conversations, the family’s wonderful “weird side.” Olivia tells about the goofy things her mom does, like dancing solo on New Year’s Eve and serenading the vacuum cleaner when she thinks no one can hear. Olivia shares these stories with palpable pride and admiration.

Seeing Lorie and Dwain’s comfort with their identities has given Olivia a strong sense of who she is as well.

“She’s gained so much confidence since she’s been with us,” Lorie says. “Things just don’t bother her like they used to.”

Inspired by Olivia’s growth and the joy she’s brought to their lives, the Hargises have adopted four more children. “It can be hectic at times,” Dwayne says, “but life is what you make it. It’s nice knowing we can let these kids be kids, and we’re here to love them.”

Dwain and Lorie Hargis were nearing a stage in life that most parents either dread or welcome with open arms: they were almost empty nesters. With their two biological children grown with lives of their own, Dwain and Lorie were unsure of their next step. Lorie recalls, “I turned to God, as I often did, and just said ‘Whatever you want me to do with my life, I’ll do it’. That very day my husband brought home a phone number for a foster agency.” Over the years, the Hargis’ fostered almost two dozen children of all ages and abilities. “We didn’t really put any stipulations on what “type” of child we would take, and were very open to anything they called us for,” Lorie explains.

When they got the call for Olivia, they never expected her to be anything more than another child they fostered. Olivia had been placed in foster care when she was four, and experienced being moved to five different homes within seven years. During that time she quickly learned the ropes of foster care, and how to get a new placement when she wanted one. Lorie explains, “Olivia learned how to play the system. If she didn’t like the home, she would do things that would make most people ask themselves ‘What were we thinking?’ She knew when she was wanted, and when she wasn’t.”

The Hargis’ open their homes and hearts to almost every child they are contacted about, and they offer to adopt each child that is adoptable. “Once we met Olivia, it seemed very natural for her to be with us, Lorie recalls. ” After all, she even looked like our biological daughter with blonde hair and blue eyes. It absolutely broke our hearts to hear how she had lived her young life up to that point. She was a free spirit and full of life and excitement. Not too many things affected her since she had already learned to block things out,” she continues.

Their two biological children echoed Dwain and Lorie’s thoughts on fostering children and adoption. Her daughter, a cosmetologist, will often do Olivia’s hair and other big sister activities. Her son is in the Air Force, but spends as much quality time as he can when he’s home with the children his parents have fostered and adopted. Lorie says, “They both have asked on different occasions, ‘Why didn’t you do this when we were growing up?’ They are now 26 and 24 years old and treat each one of the fosters or adoptive kids as their own siblings.”

Although Olivia had experienced hardships in her young life, she eventually learned that she could trust Dwain and Lorie. Lorie recalls,”She was very used to people giving up on her, and not wanting her. She tried to test the waters with us. When she figured out we weren’t going to give up, she finally learned to trust and love us as her parents.”

Dwain and Lorie say that their dreams for Olivia are big, and no matter what, she will have their support. “Olivia knows she is well-supported with whatever she decides to do with her life. Now, there is a reason to believe that she will change the world. We hope that she takes what she has known with us and continues to spread the kindness and love that has been shown to her into her adult life,” Lori explains.

She adds,” We have always told our adoptive children, “When it’s time for you to go into this big world by yourself, you will be confident in knowing you are well equipped to spread your wings and fly.”