My name is Ford. (I was born in the back seat on the way to the vet’s office.) Sometimes I think it should be Freud. My people seem to be having some minor problems, and they constantly tell me what is going on in their minds.

I don’t care if they use me as a sounding board, because I get to lie down on the sofa with them one at a time and they share whatever they’re eating with me. I have a limited vocabulary but an unlimited appetite.

I try to look interested so that I’ll get more treats, but their conversation goes like this: “Blah, blah, blah, Ford … want more treats? Blah, blah, blah ... want to go outside? Blah, blah, blah … Good dog, do you want to go to the park?”

What can I do to help, and still get plenty of sofa time and treats?

Woofless Ford

Dear Ford,

Do you feel you are lacking a canine Ph.D.? Perhaps a certificate from the University of Barkless U would make you feel more secure. However, it is the real-life experiences that count.

The real truth is that our pet parents depend on us for more than companionship. We are their sounding boards and confidants, in part because we can’t repeat what they say.

Who else would listen (constantly) to human chatter? They bare their souls to us, give us a pat and a belly rub, and reward us with treats.

Where are you ever going to get another gig like this? The perks are incredible; you can actually go to sleep while they are sharing their stories, and still be top dog.

Ford, look at your people like you really understand what they are saying. Roll those brown eyes upward and give them a loving look. Remember, as you cuddle in their laps, you have just lowered their blood pressure, assured them they are loved by a faithful, loyal companion, and even helped increase their life spans.