TNA iMPACT! Results (8/12): The Whole F*N Show

Styles jumps Angle before the bell and tosses him to the floor, then goes out after him and continues the assault. AJ rams Angle into the apron as we see his new tattoo for the first time in the match, but Angle catches him with an overhead belly to belly suplex out of nowhere and tosses AJ back in. Angle with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and gets a one count. AJ goes to the throat and rams Angle shoulderfirst into the ringpost, and Angle tumbles to the floor. AJ hits a slingshot dive over the top onto Angle on the floor, then rolls Angle back in. Angle starts firing back and goes for a German Suplex, but Styles flips through and catches Angle with a sweet dropkick. AJ covers for 2 and then he gets the chinlock. Angle escapes and picks the ankle, but AJ kicks him off and goes for a right hand, but Angle ducks and gets a back suplex and both men are down. The referee counts and Angle gets up first and starts running over AJ with clotheslines and then gets another overhead release suplex for 2. Angle ducks a right and hits the Rolling Germans and covers for 2. Angle goes for the Ankle Lock but AJ kicks him off into the corner. AJ tries a charge and gets backdropped to the apron but comes back in with a springboard forearm for 2. AJ goes for the Styles Clash but Angle backdrops out and goes for the Angle Slam and AJ escapes and hits the Pelle Kick for 2. AJ takes his time going up top and Angle runs underneath him and then hits a moonsault for only a two count. Angle goes for the Ankle Lock again and gets it but AJ rolls through and Angle crashes into the second turnbuckle. AJ tries another springboard from the apron but Angle shakes the top rope and AJ crashes down. Angle tries to suplex him back in but AJ escapes and hits the moonsault/deathdrop for a two count. AJ argues with the ref, allowing Angle to come from behind and hit the Angle Slam for 2. Angle goes for another German Suplex and AJ tries to lowblow him with a mule kick, but Angle dodges and takes AJ down into the Ankle Lock, grapevines the leg, and AJ taps. Winner by Submission: Kurt Angle ((Jarrett’s Jab – A fantastic match that could easily main event a PPV and has on multiple occasions. AJ is number one on the Pro Wrestling Illustrated Top 500 wrestlers for a reason.))

Angelina goes after Madison but Madison hides behind referee Andrew Thomas and cheapshots Angelina. Angelina fires back, but Madison sends Angelina into the corner, blocks the foot on a charge, and slams Angelina on the back of her head. Madison climbs on top of Angelina and starts ramming the back of her head into the mat. Then she hits a swinging neckbreaker, straddles Angelina’s shoulders, and repeatedly humps Angelina’s head into the mat and covers for a two count. Madison stops to argue with the ref about the count, then turns around into a jawbreaker from Angelina, who follows that with a series of clotheslines and then a flying variety of the clothesline. Angelina with a bicycle kick as the mystery lady comes down to ringside on the bike and makes her way to ringside as the crowd starts chanting “Tara” at her. ((Jarrett’s Jab – There was no need to edit that out, everyone knows who it is)) The ref goes over to tell the mystery lady to leave when Velvet Sky comes running out and cracks her from behind with a chair, then pulls off the motorcycle helmet to reveal a mask underneath. The Mystery Lady hightails it as Madison nails Angelina from behind with the belt and covers for a two count, then Angelina comes back with a clothesline and covers Madison for a three count. Winner and NEW Knockouts Champion: Angelina Love

Velvet Sky stands smirking at ringside as Madison is flat on her back in the middle of the ring and Angelina celebrates her title win.

-Commercial Break-

Mr. Anderson vs Matt Morgan vs The Pope

Anderson says “Good Evening A**holes” and does his usual entrance while Morgan and Pope are already in the ring. Anderson and Pope go right after Morgan and double team him, ramming him into the corner and taking turns beating him up. Anderson and Pope wrap Morgan’s leg around the rope and attack it, and then Pope hits an STO and covers, Anderson breaks and tries his own cover, and then Pope pulls him off and tries again, and this goes on about five more times unitl Pope and Anderson have an uncomfortable staredown. Morgan breaks up the lovefest with a double goozle followed by a double clothesline that takes both men down. Morgan charges at Pope with a boot, but Pope moves and Morgan crotches himself. Pope accidentally elbows Anderson in the face as he goes to nail Morgan, but then nails Morgan anyway and sends him to the floor as Anderson kneels in the ring clutching his jaw. Pope goes to check on him and Anderson pops up and slugs him in the mouth, and they exchange blows until Anderson hits a Thesz Press and elbowdrop for 2. Anderson goes for a fireman’s carry but Pope escapes and uppercuts him, then goes for the lungblower but Anderson escapes and hits a Flatliner and goes for a cover, but Morgan breaks it up and kicks Anderson for the floor, then capitalizes and covers Pope for the three count. Winner by Pinfall: Matt Morgan ((Jarrett’s Jab – Fun little match while it lasted, it should have went on longer))

-Commercial Break-

Jeff Hardy’s Open Challenge

And the mystery opponent is…Shannon Moore. Hardy looks shocked, and Moore takes a mic and says that tonight is a perfect opportunity to prove he can stand at the same level as Hardy, and no matter what happens here tonight, they’re leaving as brothers. They shake hands and then tie up and Hardy shoves him off. Moore goes to a wristlock, Hardy reverses to one of his own and Moore cartwheels out and reverses to a side headlock. Hardy sends Moore off into the ropes and Moore takes him down with a shoulderblock and then they exchange armdrags and do the standoff. Another tieup and Moore takes Hardy to the corner and rams a series of shoulders into Hardy’s midsection and then whips him across the ring, but Hardy leapfrogs over him and hits a reverse enziguiri. Moore goes to the corner and Hardy keeps trying to catch him with wild moves but Moore outruns him and Hardy misses a move and sails out to the floor. Moore follows him out with a dive, then tosses Hardy back in the ring and catches him with a moonsault off the top for a two count. Moore hits a snap suplex for a two count and Moore gets the chinlock applied. Hardy elbows his way out, then reverses a whip into the corner but gets backdropped to the apron. Moore tries to sunset flip Hardy to the floor, but Hardy hangs on so Moore changes position and yanks Hardy down by the ankles and Hardy crashes facefirst into the apron. Moore charges and Hardy backdrops him into the ropes, but Moore rebounds back and turns it into a tornado DDT, then rolls Hardy into the ring and covers him for a two count, then goes back to the chinlock. Hardy again escapes and reverses into a short clothesline, but gets whipped to the corner. Hardy gets the feet up on a charge and hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2. Hardy with the Twist Of Fate, takes his shirt off, and goes up top for the Swanton, but Moore gets the knees up and covers for a two count. Moore puts Hardy up top and tries for a top rope Frankensteiner, but Hardy holds on and Moore crashes to the mat. Hardy hits the Swanton covers him. Winner by Pinfall: Jeff Hardy Hardy raises Moore’s hand after the match. ((Jarrett’s Jab – A great match between the two competers and was fun to watch))

Storm and Sabin start and Storm goes right to the eyes and gets a wristlock, Sabin tries to escape but Roode turns it into a headlock, then they do a fast paced sequence off the ropes and then a series of pinfall attempts and then each go for a kick at the same time and catch each other’s boot…and slowly put them down and back off. The fans pop huge as Shelley and Roode tag in and a “Shelley” chant starts. Roode takes Shelley to the corner and takes a cheapshot, but Shelley fires back and gets thumbed in the eyes. Shelley comes off the ropes and Roode tries a drop down, but Shelley elbowdrops him and then hits a flying headscissors, then unloads with a chop. Shelley comes off the ropes and Roode gets a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for a two count, then goes for an O’Connor Roll, but Shelley tags as he hits the ropes and Sabin comes in and kicks him in the face, Storm tries to come in but the MCMGs hit a fast series of double team moves that sends Storm to the floor and puts Roode down for a two count. Roode recovers and tags out to Storm, who can’t get anything in either until Roode grabs Sabin’s ankle from the floor and allows Storm to hit a running boot to the head. Roode comes in without making a legal tag, and the ref calls him on it, but then Roode tags out to Storm. Storm fires away on Sabin in the corner and tags back out to Roode and they hit a slam/elbowdrop/kneedrop combo for a two count. Sabin starts to fight back and leapfrogs a whip into the corner then tries to make the tag, Roode grabs his ankle and tries to pull him back, but Sabin hits an enziguiri and makes the hot tag. Shelley gives Roode a Flatliner into the second turnbuckle and then bulldogs Roode as he clotheslines Storm and covers Roode for a two count. Shelley hits a Flatliner/DDT combo on Beer Money and covers Roode for a two count. MCMGs fire Storm to the apron and Shelley comes over the top with a double stomp, then hits a springboard dropkick to send Roode to the floor and they hit stereo dives onto Beer Money. Storm recovers and DDTs Sabin on the apron as Shelley goes up top, Roode tries to stop him but gets knocked off into the middle of the ring. Roode dodges the double stomp and Beer Money hits a gutbuster/lungblower/DWI combo and Beer Money takes the first fall. Beer Money is leading one to zero.

The second fall begins immediately ((Jarrett’s Jab – Did we really need an announcement to tell us that?)) and Roode starts putting the boots to Shelley and covers for 1. Storm gets tagged in and nails Shelley in the jaw with a right hand. Beer Money hits a double suplex on Shelley and then stop to play to the crowd with the “Beer Money” chant. While this happened, Shelley made the hot tag to Sabin, who comes in with a double dropkick off the top rope. They send Storm to the floor and give Roode the double stomp/neckbreaker combo to get the pinfall. The Machine Guns and Beer Money are tied at one a piece.

And the third fall begins right away. Sabin goes for a punt to Roode’s head on the floor, but Roode catches the foot and yanks Sabin to the floor, then pops back in the ring and backdrops his partner onto Sabin. Shelley comes through the ropes with a sick dive, and then Roode follows that with a dive of his own and all four men are down on the floor.

-Commercial Break-

After a ironically placed commercial for the Beer Money/Motor City Machine Guns Fandemonium DVD Set, we go back to the iMPACT Zone where Roode takes Sabin’s head off with a clothesline. Shelley tries to fight back, but gets popped up into a spinning uranage for 2. Roode puts the boots to Shelley in the corner and tags in Storm, and they whip Shelley across the ring and then follow him in with a pair of running clotheslines. Storm puts Shelley up top and goes for a top rope superplex, but Shelley knocks him down into the Tree Of Woe and hits the top rope double stomp. The referee starts the double count and both men tag out, and Sabin comes in with a series of running forearms to Roode, then hits a Frankensteiner out of the corner and then dropkicks Storm off the apron. Sabin hits a springboard tornado DDT for 2, then Roode goes to the eyes and tags out to Storm. Beer money go for a double team but Sabin fights his way out and kicks off of Storm and then Shelley comes in and they hit a snap Carnageplex for a very close 2. MCMGs with a series of superkicks and an enziguiri to Storm, but Roode comes in and wipes out Shelley and they hit a double DDT on Sabin, then counter Shelley’s Sliced Bread #2 into a double team chinbreaker. Shelley rolls to the floor and Beer Money goes for the DWI, but Sabin escapes and Storm accidentally superkicks Roode, and the MCMGs hit the double stomp/neckbreaker combo again…and Storm kicks out! They go for it again…and this time it’s a neckbreaker/top rope splash combo, and Shelley blocks Roode as Sabin covers Storm and finally that’s enough to get the MCMGs the win. What a match!

Winners by Pinfall and Still TNA Tag Team Champions: Motor City Machine Guns ((Jarrett’s Jab – TNA’s Match of the Year right there, no doubt about it))

Eric Bischoff is the special referee for this match. ((Jarrett’s Jab – Why??? What can this possibly do for this match?)) Janice is hanging above the ring, and Abyss grabs the ladder and slides it into the ring as he makes his entrance and tries to climb up and grab Janice before RVD makes his entrance, so RVD comes running out and springboards off the top rope and kicks the ladder out from under Abyss. He climbs up and does a ten punch count in the corner, then hits a spinkick to wipe Abyss out. He folds up the ladder and rams it into the midsection of Abyss, then does it a second time. RVD with another spinkick and then he bulldogs Abyss onto the ladder and follows that up with Rolling Thunder, but Abyss moves and RVD connects with the ladder. Abyss grabs the ladder from the floor and RVD baseball slides it into his chest.

-Commercial Break-

We’re back and Abyss has a ladder balanced between the ring apron and guardrail, and he and RVD are battling on the apron. Abyss puts his hand around RVD’s throat, but RVD fights his way out and kicks him in the face, so Abyss clotheslines him over the top back into the ring. Abyss follows him in and grabs a second ladder, which he now rams into RVD’s midsection twice. Abyss balances the ladder in front of RVD in the corner and goes for a charge, but RVD tosses the ladder into Abyss’ face as he comes running in, then rams the ladder into Abyss in the corner. RVD sets it up as a ramp, running up it to kick Abyss in the face, and then puts Abyss on top of the ladder and moonsaults onto him. RVD sets up the ladder in the corner and goes for a monkey flip on Abyss but Abyss powerbombs him out of the corner. Abyss sets up the ladder in the middle of the ring and tries to climb, but takes too long and RVD climbs up the other side and they go toe to toe on the top of the ladder. Abyss grabs RVD’s throat and chokeslams him off the ladder, but loses his balance and he tumbles to the mat as well. Abyss closes the ladder again and goes to the floor, and we get replays while Abyss takes a moment to pull a bag out from under the ring, and tonight it contains thumbtacks and broken glass! Abyss puts RVD up top and goes for a superplex, but RVD sunset flips off the top and Abyss goes crashing down ass-first on the stuff. RVD comes off the ropes but runs right into a boot from Abyss, who goes back under the ring, and finds a barbed wire board. He slides that into the ring and sets it up in the corner and tries to whip RVD into it, but RVD puts on the breaks, so Abyss charges him, RVD moves, and Abyss goes running facefirst into the board. Abyss sticks to it, so RVD comes off the top and jumpkicks the board into the face of Abyss, who goes down with the board on top of him. RVD comes off the ropes and hits Rolling Thunder onto the board on top of Abyss. RVD sets up the ladder and goes up, but Abyss tips the ladder over, causing RVD to fall down, catch himself on the top rope, and then crash facefirst into the ladder. That looked really, really bad and Taz even said on commentary that he thinks RVD is seriously hurt. Abyss sets up the ladder and goes up…and he gets Janice. We see Dixie Carter and Terry Taylor standing in the crowd looking very concerned. Abyss shoves the ladder out of the way and goes to the floor and tosses RVD back in…right into the glass and thumbtacks. Abyss pounds him down in the corner and grabs Janice, and he does the YOU at RVD and swings at him, but RVD moves and Abyss sticks Janice in the top turnbuckle. ((Jarrett’s Jab – Doesn’t happen ANYTIME Abyss uses Janice?)) While Abyss is busy trying to get her unstuck, RVD goes to the floor and grabs a chair, which he uses to nail the back of Abyss, and then tosses it to Abyss and hits the Van Daminator. Abyss is down in the corner, so he puts the barbed wire board on top of him, grabs a chair, and hits a coast to coast Van Terminator with a chair, into the board, into Abyss, and Dixie Carter is standing ringside applauding! RVD goes up top and hits the Five Star Notebook Splash and covers. Winner by Pinfall: Rob Van Dam

((Jarrett’s Jab – A good match with all of the usual Abyss spots. This match was nowhere near as brutal as Abyss’s Hardcore matches in the past though. And what was the point of Bischoff coming out? Oh right, the fake Hogan on twitter said he wanted to hear the White Train remix this Thursday)) RVD sets up the ladder in the middle of the ring and climbs up to celebrate and hold up the title to the crowd. Oh wait, Hulk Hogan’s music hits and here he comes to deliver his surprise.

-Commercial Break-

Hogan is in the ring with RVD, and he says that everyone knows there’s a reason RVD is the leader of TNA, and says he’s never seen a champion like RVD, and he’s going to take the company all the way to the top. When he saw RVD take on Sabu, who Hogan considers the most dangerous man in the business, it made Hogan realize he has all the bases covered, and that’s why TNA is the #1 company in the wrestling business today. He says Hardcore Justice made TNA raise the bar, and he has to thank Dixie Carter for taking him somewhere he’s never been before. When he saw RVD in the ring with all the great athletes of EV2.0 and they taught him what hardcore was all about, his level of respect went to the top for RVD and his band of gypsies. Okay. With all that being said, Dixie Carter invited all of EV2.0 here to watch RVD’s match, and right now, Hogan would like to invite them all out to the ring. They come out led by a suit-clad Tommy Dreamer, along with Stevie Richards, Team 3D, Sabu and Fonzie, the FBI, Mick Foley, and Rhino. Hogan said that when he came to TNA, he was looking for that higher ground where even Hogan has never been before, and he says that Tommy Dreamer and his band of misfits brought TNA there, and he’s going to bow down and give them his ring, and he hands the mic to Dreamer and leaves. Dreamer says that they raised the bar on Sunday, and tonight, the MCMGs, Beer Money, RVD and Abyss showed that the bar was raised even more. Dreamer said that to keep the ball rolling, he’d like to thank Dixie Carter again, and to his friends in EV2.0, it was an honor to do it one last time and thanks them for the show they put on, and for Sunday night at Hardcore Justice, Dreamer wants to thank the fans. RVD kisses him on the cheek for added effect…but wait, the lights go out and when they come back up…Foley’s down in the ring and Fortune and Matt Morgan lay out the ECW guys! Raven runs out to try and help, but James Storm cracks him in the head with a beer bottle. The Sandman comes out of the crowd and stops to play to the fans, and AJ Styles attacks him from behind as Storm gouges Raven’s head open with a shard from the bottle. Abyss comes back out and drags RVD to the floor and tosses him into the crowd. Ric Flair comes strolling out of the back with a big smile on his face as we go backstage to a shot of Abyss, blood-covered Janice in hand, stands over Rob Van Dam, who is COVERED with blood. Flair goes over to Dixie in the crowd and yells that she brought this on herself and tries to go after he. We see shots of blood covered ECW originals as we go off the air.