Thursday, July 8, 2010

Solar Power

The quest for total power - solar power. I've been searching for it for eons. Now, it is within my reach. Soon, I will become The Sun. Who is more powerful than the President? Me, The Sun. Who commands greater force than the military? Well, if it's a little country like Belgium, then most other militaries, but also me, The Sun. Who's the coolest cat playing the hottest jazz? Probably Ornette Coleman. But who has total power in this solar system? Me, The Sun.

Solar power, the power that can shun Pluto to the galaxy's nether-regions like a shamed Amish schoolgirl. "I did nothing wrong," she says. "Quiet, Pluto. You have been shunned. That means we don't talk to you.""But, sirs." "Away!" I say with tears in my Amish beard. Sure, I will miss Pluto. She was my daughter. But rules are rules, and we need those in society - solar society. Those Amish got something right. Also farming, and whoopee pies.

The power that broke up the asteroid belt. Once those asteroids tried to get together and form a union. Now, I'm all for workers' rights, but the asteroids already have it really good. They just float there. And if they grouped together it wouldn't really be an asteroid belt so much as an asteroid flock, and that would make our solar system a laughingstock to the other solar systems, so The Sun broke that up.

What Earth leader can claim that? The Sun, that's who, because it is the leader of the earth. It tells the plants which way to lean towards if they're in a window. It tells white skin what color to turn (red, or sometimes freckly). It powers those new, expensive sun-powered ovens that don't work super-well. I mean, they can cook a pot of rice, but it takes an hour! You call that progress?!!

Yes, The Sun is powerful.

How do I plan to become The Sun? I'm just gonna ask for it to be my next assignment, after being human. Duh.

I bet this all sounds crazy to you. All I ask is for ultimate power. Just super-ultimate-mega power. Power so powerful it makes all other power seem as powerless as a low-power lawnmower that has no power because it's not plugged in. And it's not a gas one, it's a plug-in one, so it's supposed to be plugged in. That kind of power.

So maybe I'm power-crazy, but is that really crazy? No, because it has a qualifier - "power-".