No, Jennifer Aniston is not shoving pie filling from a jar into her mouth hole to keep herself from bawling while listening to “Quit Playing Games (With My Heart)” over and over again after Oscar became the latest asshole to screw with her emotions. As The Hollywood Reporter says, Jennifer Aniston is doing fine! She’s rich, she’s got Justin Theroux and she’s not wearing pants. She’s fine and you shouldn’t believe all the future tabloid covers that will read: “Poor, Miserable Jen In A Tailspin Of Emotions After Getting Rejected Again!”

Seen above looking like she’s taking a really happy shit, Jennifer Aniston did a really, really, long, long interview with The Hollywood Reporter where she talked about having Dyslexia, talking to Brad Pitt and having kids. You know, the usual.

The interview went down after the Oscar nominations were announced, so THE SNUB was the first thing she was asked about. Jennifer already told Ellen that she feels like the “number one snubbed” (cue up the side-eyes from Jake Gyllenhaal, David Oyelowo and the Legos) and she told THR that everyone has been so nice to her and treating her like one of her family members died or some shit:

On THE SNUB felt all around the world: “I know a lot of people were sorry. I feel I’ve gotten such wonderful love — I had almost more phone calls and flowers than I did for any other nomination [in the past].”

On Brad Pitt and THE FEUD (again): “We’re not in daily communication. But we wish nothing but wonderful things for each other. Nobody did anything wrong. You know what I mean? It was just like, sometimes things [happen]. If the world only could just stop with the stupid, soap-opera bullshit. There’s no story. I mean, at this point it’s starting to become — please, give more credit to these human beings.”

On kids: “That’s a topic that’s so exhausted. I get nervous around that, just because it’s very personal. Who knows if it’s going to happen? It’s been a want. We’re doing our best.”

On how Justin Theroux gets along with her gay friends: “He’s the easiest guy to hang around. He was so completely in his skin. It was the first time I remember being so comfortable [with a romantic interest], like with all my gay friends.”

On finding out she was Dyslexic in her early 20s: “I thought I wasn’t smart. I just couldn’t retain anything. Now I had this great discovery. I felt like all of my childhood trauma-dies, tragedies, dramas were explained.”

On how things with her mother are fine now, but for years they had a shitty relationship: “She was critical. She was very critical of me. Because she was a model, she was gorgeous, stunning. I wasn’t. I never was. I honestly still don’t think of myself in that sort of light, which is fine. She was also very unforgiving. She would hold grudges that I just found so petty.”

Sending her flowers? Is it really that serious? It’s just an Oscar nomination. I’m sure her time will come and she’ll get a nomination for her work in the eagerly anticipated sequel to my favorite Aniston movie Derailed. Imagine if she was nominated and lost. She would’ve put on a black lace veil and Julianne Moore’s speech would have been drowned out by the sound of Aniston crying as the other nominees comforted her with a Pillow Person, Kleenex and a log of uncooked cookie dough.

Here’s more of Jennifer Aniston in THR and outside of Good Morning America today:

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