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Ask Mag says “Stop Stressin’!”

It’s that time again, where lil ol’ me gets to answer (or attempt to answer) a burning question about either the business, the method, the mind-set, or something deliciously sexy! Remember that all emails/suggestions are kept confidential, and I will at time paraphrase the question for clarity and brevity. Off-limit topics include specific personal life stories from yours truly, any information about specific clients or providers, and obviously anything (grossly) lewd or disgusting. I like to think my life is an open book, but I guard sensitive information like a fat kid guards cake. (I do not mean that in an offensive tone. I’m a fat kid and I LOVE cake)

Now, onwards to questions!

A lovely reader and fan, whom I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure of meeting, writes:

Dear Magdalene,

I’ve only seen a few women and I keep having the same problem of being insanely nervous that they won’t like me. I know it’s stupid sounding but I’m not a good-looking man and I don’t want them thinking I’m disgusting. Any way of getting me over this problem?

Signed

A Big Ol’ Fan

First off, my darling, what we find attractive when we look in the mirror very rarely corresponds with what others find attractive. Just because you don’t look like Matthew McConaughey (or have his abs) doesn’t mean you aren’t a fine-looking gentleman. So get that out of your head. Same deal with your body type. Most women in this business realize that bodies come in all shapes and sizes, and there isn’t just ONE kind of body that comes to them. I, personally, would prefer a scrubbed clean Dilbert rather than an unwashed and sweaty Adonis. But that’s just me.

As for your question, it boils down to “Will she like me?”. If I were to write some of the most common things I hear from clients and potential clients (and maybe one day I will) the whole problem of “Will she like me?” would be in the top 5. Now, there are mercenary ways of attacking this problem, and there is sweeter, more holistic ways. Since I like to think that I am a sweet natured person, let’s go that route first:

I, personally, pride myself on being able to find at least one thing about a person that is attractive. Gorgeous eyes, whip-smart intellect, kind voice, that sort of thing. You worry about the Companion you are about to see because you have a kind soul, and you see your Companion as a person first, and a professional second. I’ve found that the men who see me as a commodity rarely seem to care at all past their own needs and desires. While this is a perfectly legitimate way of thinking, and can be done in such a way it isn’t readily apparent, it isn’t my preferred way to do things.

Your Companion, if she’s worth her salt, will be able to pick up on that kind hearted nervousness and hopefully put you at ease in a jiffy. If you are punctual, scrub yourself down in the shower, and lay her tribute in the open you have already jumped the biggest hurdle she’s worried about. (If I were to make a list of provider gripes, lack of hygiene tops the list easily) You may want to tell her that you care about her needs as well as your own, and believe her when she tells you what she wants to do. Take her welcoming smile and her warm embraces at face value, and know that she is choosing to be there, with you, in that moment, because there is something appealing inside of you. Don’t get too hung up on what she wants and needs, because she will tell you. You should feel free to focus on your own desires, whatever they may be. That’s the whole reason you are there! I’m a giver, I’d rather focus on your pleasure than worry about me.

Now, a mercenary thought is “Well, she’s pretending to like you for your money!” or “All those women really just hate men, so it’s not worth trying to please them!” and while I’m sure there are women who fit this bill, I am personally appalled at the thought. Not all money is good money, as they say. And no amount of cash would convince me to get into bed with someone I detested on sight. Avoiding the women who think this way is as easy as researching your potential Companion. Is she warm, welcoming, accepting? Has she a reputation of calming nerves, pampering her suitors? Does she legitimately seem to enjoy what she’s doing? These are the signs of a woman who will not only welcome you into her bed, but will most likely welcome you back again and again!

So, to re-cap!:

Be punctual, clean, and courteous

Voice your own desires, and desire to please

Take her enthusiasm at face value

Don’t dwell on cynicism

Research before you book

How’s that? Class is still in session, and I will be taking questions and comments below!