Wednesday, October 11, 2006

No Contest

The World Housekeeping Championships were held last week in Elmhurst, Queens.

There were no surprises in the heats: the Irish were eliminated in the first round,the Koreans were disqualified on the grounds that they were using the makeshift kitchens in the nail salons to avoid cleaning the ones at home, and the Carribean contingent withdrew as a unit early on ("We got to get to work! We don't have time for this!")

After eliminating the Croatians in a neck-and-neck contest for shiniest linoleum the final round went to the Sicilians and those diehard Germans. For the Sicilians it was a real grudgematch, no surprises there under any circumstances but as Mrs. Volpone of the 78th Street Screamers put it, "The war ain't over and it's never gonna be! Yelling? Who's yelling?" Unfortunately for the south-of-the-booters, though, at the last minute those wily Bavarians invented yet another new vacuum technology, and the rest is housecleaning history: Deutschland won by a cat's hair in the Screamingly Clean Vestibule contest, which put them over the top for the championship.

In other news, DIH cleaned her house last weekend. She now plans to hire help at the first opportunity.