Changing Friendships During Pregnancy

Question: "My friends don't have babies, and they're already treating me differently. I'm afraid things won't be the same with them after the baby's born."

Things aren't the same already — as you've already noticed. Your friends want to check out the latest spring collection at the mall, you'd rather shop for a layette. They're trying on bikinis, you're trying on snuglis. They're ordering bottles of beer at the bar, you're ordering bottles at the baby store. They're watching the latest chick flick, you're watching the latest childbirth video.

The truth is, friendships do change over the course of your life, with so much depending on whether you and your friends are traveling on the same life path at the same time. But those changes don't have to spell the end of relationships you value. Just like any relationship, maintaining friendships take work. Here are some tips for getting your friendships back on track — by meeting your friends halfway:

Talk about it. A simple "I miss our time together" can be all it takes to get your friendships back on course. Let your friends know that you treasure their friendships and that you'd like them to continue.

Expand your horizons. Take a good listen to yourself next time you're with your friends. If you find yourself complaining ad nauseam about your nausea, or talking a baby blue streak 24/7 ("You wouldn't believe how many times he kicked today!" "I found the cutest onesie last week!"), or providing way too many details about your anticipated water birth, give it a rest. Your friends may miss the old you — the one who wasn't obsessed with finding the perfect stroller. Explore topics of conversation that you all can relate to — the latest best seller or movie, for example — and you'll find your friends relating better to you.

Don't forget that they have lives, too. Yes, you're the one who's pregnant, but you're not the only one with a life worth talking about. Your friends will be more responsive to what's important in your life (baby, baby, baby) if you're more responsive to what's important in theirs (a promotion, a roommate problem, a breakup).

Have patience — and ask for it, too. Your friends may just need some time to get used to the idea of you becoming a mother. (Let's face it: It's sometimes not easy for you to get used to.) Be sensitive: Some may even be envious of your pregnancy, or the security of your relationship with your partner, or both. Give it a few months and they may come around to the new you (plus baby) — especially if you're not always forcing it down their throats. And ask them to indulge you just a little as you learn to adjust to your new life.

Luckily, most friendships — especially the strong ones — can endure even the most trying of life changes. So hang in there. Besides, who knows — maybe you'll start a trend among your friends. And before you know it, you'll be talking about the best stroller — and they'll be taking notes!

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