I just love it when some adoptive mom gets all riled up and decides to comment on a three-year old post. I guess they have to let the meanie moms like me know how wrong and bitter I am. Boo freaking hooooo. I don’t need anymore lectures on how saintly adoptive parents are as they rush around the world rescuing all the little children. Do you really not get how that sounds?

Is it really that hard to look at the date at the top of the post? Maybe even look around the blog to see if it’s still active? Oh well, thanks for reminding me to turn off my email notifications. You are at least useful for that

I have become stuck. I hide behind my mask. I have become so accustomed to hiding that I am stuck in that role. I can’t write. I can’t talk. I can’t reach out. I try to from time to time but I freeze and go right back to the role I have invented for myself.

There is so much inside of me. So much that fights to get out. So many words I can’t quite formulate. My story. The story of my daughter. How I became this thing adoption made me. The truth. I try but it sticks in my throat.

So dear readers I leave you with a song for now.

I have burned my tomorrow
And I stand inside today
At the edge of the future
And my dreams all fade away

I have burned my tomorrow
And I stand inside today
At the edge of the future
And my dreams all fade away

And burn my shadow away
And burn my shadow away

Fate’s my destroyer
I was ambushed by the light
And you judged me once for falling
This wounded heart arrives

And burn my shadow away
And burn my shadow away

When I see the light
True love forever
When I see the light
True love forever
When I see the light
True love forever
When I see the light
True love forever
Burn my shadow
When I see the light
True love forever
When I see the light
True love forever
Oh burn my shadow
When I see the light
True love forever
Away

I got an update today. I wasn’t expecting one. I never really expect one. They are so few and far between. They just send them when they feel like it so I never know when it might be. There it was like a slap in the face. My heart instantly started pounding. I knew I should wait until everyone was asleep to open it but I didn’t. I should have.

It was filled with the typical things. Tiny crumbs of my daughter’s life. Then I read the line that ripped my heart out. She lost her first tooth. Her first tooth and I wasn’t there. I will never be there for anything. I missed it. I will miss everything. Every important moment in her life will just be a line in an email to me.

I can’t breathe. It hurts so deep my soul is screaming. I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to be this anymore. Yet I have to smile so my 2-year-old won’t realize there is something very very wrong with Mommy.

This is the face of adoption. The total destruction of a mother. Oh so beautiful

I was recently contacted by a father trying to stop his daughter from being adopted. He has asked for any advice and help he can get. Please help him if you can. Even just getting his story out is a great help.

My name is Keary Watson and I am the proud birth father of a beautiful baby girl named Elizabeth Renee Watson. She was born on August 11th 2010. I want to start out by thanking you for taking the time to visit this site and taking the time to hear my story. I love my daughter dearly and will do everything in my power to have her home with me where she belongs.

My daughter Elizabeth has recently been placed with a family for adoption without my knowledge or consent. Her mother, Rebecca Prestwich made the terrible decision to “sell” my daughter to a family within the LDS church in the state of Utah without my knowledge or consent. Rebecca has signed away her parental rights and placed Elizabeth with an adoptive family. She did this AFTER Elizabeth was two months old. As Elizabeth’s father I cannot comprehend how Rebecca could make the choice to sell our beautiful daughter away to strangers. These actions sadden my heart. I have always made Rebecca aware that I am her father and will always take care of my child. I cannot understand why she would have chosen this option but sadly she has. I pray that Rebecca can live with the decisions that she has made and I seek comfort in knowing that I will correct the bad choice Rebecca has made and will never give up trying to do so.

It appears as though I have a bigger battle ahead of me to get Elizabeth back home than I ever imagined. Over the last two weeks I have been made aware of A LOT of other cases similar to mine. This is prevalent throughout the US with many birth mothers doing this in the state of Utah because of laws that exclude birth fathers. I am fighting for my legal rights as her biological father to get my daughter back. I did not give up my daughter for adoption. I would NEVER give my daughter up for adoption. I am her natural father and I am her recognized legal father on her birth certificate. I have been a part of my daughter’s life since the moment of conception and have continued to be her father in the fight to get her back home with me where she belongs.

Please help me to spread the word and what I am fighting for. From reading other cases it is people like you who are helping make a difference. Again, I would like to thank you in advance for any help you give. Words cannot express my gratitude.

I am requesting donations to cover legal expenses, travel and accommodations in Utah where my daughter is being kept. Please visit the link if you can help.

I would also like to ask everyone to take the time to write the Utah Attorney Generals office and the US Department of Justice about my case. The more people start talking about baby brokering/human trafficking by people abusing Utah laws – the more the authorities are going to look into it.

I have debated on how to address this for hours and have decided that I will just give it its own post. I got a lovely comment on 11-12-2010 from a person calling themselves Proud Adoptive Mommy. I have not published this comment because of how disturbing it is. However, I don’t feel that I can just let it go.

I will edit all comments that are abusive to say something you will not like. I will report any comments that I feel are threatening to myself, my readers or just anyone at all to the police. I do keep track of IP addresses for just this reason. I will edit out any use of birth terms in any and all comments. If you do not like it weellllll shut up and go away

A friend sent me this link and I was pleasantly shocked by the blog post. Its so rare for someone not connected to adoption to see the side of the mothers. Its even more rare for someone to speak out about it.

I told you guys a little while back I was working on something. I still am working on it but figured it was about time I let you all in on it. Its not just my project. There are some wonderful people helping and sharing ideas. I have been truly inspired by working with them. So here goes….

We have stated a new group to support all people separated by adoption.

We are dedicated to support those struggling with adoption loss. We provide confidential support and information through a moderated support forum and a monitored nightly chat room.

We aim to prevent further unnecessary separations by uniting adoptees and firstparents in the mission to prevent dire situations, life circumstances, and oppressive belief systems that result in adoptions.

We aim to support families searching for family members, beginning a reunion, struggling with the complex emotional issues of a reunion or dealing with a failed reunion.

We aim to raise awareness of the life long consequences of adoption separation for mothers, fathers, adoptees, siblings and extended family.

We are an affiliate of Origins International.

I would love to see some of you on our forum! We even have a section for Allies that aren’t connected to adoption. Check us out but keep in mind we are still building.

Ummmm sorry but no. Adoption is not the new pregnant. For there to be an adoption someone has to be pregnant you insensitive shit! Babies don’t just magically appear in social workers arms. There aren’t little girls dreaming if growing up to have their kids aopted by assholes wearing these shirts. There is a very real woman involved. A woman that has carried a child and kept that child safe. A woman who risked her life bring that child into this world. A woman who’s heart is going to break if she loses her child to adoption. A woman who’s life will be forever changed and will feel the pain of seperation until she dies. But who gives a fuck about her right? Adoption is the new pregnant!

And while I am offending people I have to say …… YOU ARE NOT PAPER PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sorry if you can not have a child. I truly am but pretending will not change it. Adoption and pregnancy are not the same. Not amount of dumbass phrases will make them the same. Adoption and birth are very different. People need to stop pretending they aren’t. Signing a paper to adopt makes you no more pregnant than my big toe. I’m sorry but that is reality. No woman has ever died from complications during paper signing. Downplaying the vital and dangerous realities of pregnancy are demeaning to all mothers. Adoptive mothers might be researching and learning things but it is very very different. Why not just embrace those differences instead of pretending its the same?

So let the hate mail begin. I am sick of of the dellusional crap. Face reality people.

UPDATE

Dimples and Dandelions has taken the shirt off of their website. Yippie and thank you to all who wrote them about their offensive product!!!

Sooooooooooo write to them everyone. We can do this. Things like this do not belong in a civilized compassionate society. Let’s pretend we have a society like that and get rid of this dumbass shirt. Then we can do one more and one more until they are all gone

I was amazed at the time how many comments I got on this post. What floors me is I am still getting comments on it two years later. Sadly the recent comments are from people telling me how much they deserve this shirt because they worked so hard to adopt. So I am compelled to try to break it down one more time.

I’m not trying to be harsh but when you are in the process of adopting you are not pregnant. Its a fact. You just aren’t. Pregnancy carried risks and some very serious health issues. Signing papers does not. A woman somewhere faced those risks in order for you to adopt. Diminishing that fact is disrespectful and cruel. I’m sure you are excited. Why not wear a shirt that says something truthful and respectful? Would you like to see me wearing a Genetics is the New Adoption shirt? How about Conception is the New Paperwork? Not very nice is it? How about if I put my daughter in a 100% Natural and Homegrown shirt? (yes they exist)

If adoption is just as good then why is there a push to make it exactly the same? It isn’t. It never will be the same. I’m sorry if that is hard for some people to deal with but its true. Different doesn’t mean less than it just means different. If you are happy about adopting stop pretending to be some strange kind of pregnant. Its insulting and offensive. Show some empathy and compassion and don’t wear shirts that would trigger an already suffering first mother.