fudge

Friday, 15 April 2011

Womens Best Kept Secret

﻿ What are control pants? Now Ive been asked this question a couple of times and I believe it's something every man should know.

Never having owned a pair I owe most of my knowledge to Bridget Jones. Im sure many of you have read the book or seen the film but can I suggest that those of you who havent, do? If you want to understand the inner working of a womans mind (and underwear) you really could go a long way and do a lot worse.

Control pants could come in many colours but are usually flesh coloured or black. They are big (there's no mistaking them!), made of nylon and have large panels of stretchy fabric. Normally stretchy fabric is to allow room for growth, not so control pants! These are used to hold in, flatten down and generally subdue bulges, rolls and generally unruly bits of the body.

They are apparently a nighmare to get on, involving lying on the floor and lots of wriggling, best (according to Bridget) rolled on with one hand whilst the other hand tucks in any wayward bits of flesh trying to escape.

Now, apart from the fact that Im lucky enough not to need (or dont care enough) to wear them, they scare me! Where for instance does all this flesh go? Is it likely to suddenly appear mid date when the fight between pants and flesh becomes too much for them? Would I have an unsightly bulge suddenly pop out between the main course and the dessert? And what the hell would I do with it? Try and post it back in???

I think I'll just stick to letting it all hang out, that way, when Ive stopped trying to impress so much I wont need to explain why Ive suddenly increased by two dress sizes.

Besides, just say the date was going well, how would I explain why it's taken me half an hour to go to the loo (that's the minimum time required to get the damn things off and back on again)?

One thing I suppose you can be sure of, if a girls wearing control pants on a date with you, firstly, she likes you and secondly, you aint NEVER going to see them! :-)

I am a recent fan of control pants after the hospital put me onto them for recovery purposes after the birth of my son last year. Means you can look great in dresses that otherwise would never be seen dead in...Also extra warmth down here in Melbourne over Winter :)

I giggle at the memory of my SIL and I doing a dash [with my Mum in tow] to a lingerie store in Hastings St Noosa on the way to my 40th birthday lunch at a restaurant on the beach.

We'd just spent a lovely morning of pampering and got it into our heads that we may need a little help to reign in our 'tums' especially with the feast that was about to unfold. Hmmm.....vanity at its best or worst?

I recall Mum watching our 'panic' buying with a wry smile plastered across her wise & beautiful face and I can just about guess what she was thinking.

I've whipped them out a couple of times in the years that have followed but must say only for 'emergencies' like special lunches!

I can understand a medical need for them (although I would be a little scared that I might have to have them surgically removed after a vodka or two!) AND I concede they may well have insulating benefits. Here in my part of the UK temperatures fell to about -7 in January but fortunately I had learned that kittens have a body temperature of 102 degrees and so festooned myself with them instead. As well as being stylish yet practical they also covered a multitude of sins

Im all for a little vanity Felicity, I wax, pluck, dye and slap on the slap with the best of them. I just cant face 'big pants'. Id possibly like to, I probably NEED to but I just cant give up my useless little scraps of lace however unflattering they may be these days.

Have avoided the control knickers out of sheer laziness rather than any lack of need. Plus I agree, not that I am dating, but much awkwardness when the clothes come off.V funny post! Michelle (rewinding) from 4kids1dogblog

I was at a designer clothing sale last year where change rooms were communal. A grogeous 40 something Spanish lady undressed to try on a dress and was wearing a strapless one piece body sucking number under her dress. My jaw dropped - that is how they look so gorgoeus in dresses!!! I bought myself one and love it! Sexier on the eye than the big knickers which do roll down.