Anonymous Story

The summer I turned 16 I went away with a friend for a couple weeks. We had gone to the beach for the day and were having a good time. Sometime mid afternoon a couple of guys approached us, friend Todd and Tanner. My friend wanted to walk with them down the beach so we did. We got a ways down the beach when my friend went off with Tanner. I sat down on the beach with Todd, he was probably twice my age and more than twice my size. He appeared to be a body builder, very muscular and you could tell he spent most of his time lifting weights. He leaned over and tried to kiss me but I was not interested and moved away. Next thing I knew he had me pinned down. Didn’t even take off my bikini bottoms, just pushed them over. I felt like I was suffocating, I couldn’t even yell. When it was over he pulled his shorts back up and offered a hand to help me up. At first I wanted to write it off as awkward sex, I was 15 and while I was not a virgin at that point was still pretty inexperienced. By the time I got home I was in complete denial, although I knew awkward sex doesn’t make you want to throw up and put your bikini in the trash. I didn’t tell anyone. Until I found out I was pregnant, I still never told anyone what happened. My brothers paid for an abortion and drove me. It took 20 years before I admitted to myself what had really happened. Even though his face would wake me up from a sound sleep and I still think about it all the time. Now 30 years later I have finally said it out loud,

Related

The When You're Ready Project is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories and have their voices heard, finding strength in one another. When you're ready to share your story, we will be here.