10 Things You Shouldn't Do When Dating

By

Abiola Abrams

Abiola Abrams's Top 10 Dating Don'ts

1/10

Media diva Abiola Abrams is one of the stars of VH1’s latest dating show “Tough Love,” which helps six very single ladies overcome their pitfalls in love. The house’s resident, “Ms. Picky” Abrams, 32, represents for all the sisters with high expectations and long lists of what we want from a good man. The chocolate beauty shares her newly acquired dating insight exclusively with ESSENCE.com in these ten useful tips:

Compiled by: Demetria L. Lucas

1. Refrain From Judging Him

“I learned a lot about dating from the show. Now I’m less judgmental and way more open.”

Photo by Courtesy of Subject

2. Don’t Be So Shy About Your Desires

2/10

“There’s no shame in being a single woman or even saying, ‘I’m single and I want a relationship.’ I even have boyfriend applications on my Web site, (www.abiolaabrams.com). Put it out there!”

Photo by Courtesy of Subject

3. Don't Limit Your Circle of Friends

3/10

“Single people tend to isolate. When I broke up with my ex-husband, I cut off all of my married friends because I felt like I had no longer related to the marriage/children thing. But even as adults, we need role models to have positive relationships mirrored in front of us.”

Photo by Getty Image

4. Don’t Be Afraid to Make Him Put in Work

4/10

“I’m very much about us being sexually empowered, but make a man sweat a little. Men approach everything as a game, so let them feel like they are winning you.”

Photo by Courtesy of Subject

5. Stop Rushing to the Altar

5/10

“I wanted to get married before I was 30 and that’s a big mistake we as women make. We have deadlines [for marriage]. I married someone who I’d been dating throughout my entire twenties. We looked great together on paper. He was a gorgeous Ivy League graduate. Three months in, the marriage went downhill.”

Photo by Courtesy of Subject

6. Stop Crying About Being Single

6/10

“The first thing I do in the morning when I open my eyes is say, ‘Thank God I’m here again!’ I’ve learned to approach each day with full passion. Men can smell desperation.”

Photo by Getty Image

7. Quit Preaching to the Choir

7/10

“We spend a lot of time only talking to our single girlfriends, but we usually stay in the dark because we don’t know what men are thinking. Have single male friendships or keep married men as platonic friends so you can get into the male mind.”

Photo by Courtesy of Subject

8. Don't Confine Your Options

8/10

“I’ve never dated interracially before, but now I’m more open to it in the future. I’m still picky, but I’m more open to different types of men.

Photo by Corbis

9. Don't Focus on the Wedding, but the Marriage

9/10

“My wedding was picture-perfect. It was at the Ritz Carlton in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Seventy of our friends came out and it was filled with Black high society. But it wasn’t real. His heart wasn’t where; my heart was. The marriage was so short that it was annulled.”

Photo by Getty Image

10. Don't Forget You Are the Prize Too

10/10

“I’ve had a lot of Black men tell me that they’re in high demand. Successful, attractive brothers who have it going on feel like they are in demand, so why should they commit? Too many Black women think the man is the prize and don’t think of themselves as such. That’s an unfortunate reversal. Both people have to feel like the prize.”