Witty Quotes (Part 2)

“You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you’re older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman – stuff you pay good money for in later life.” – Emo Phillips

“My problems all started with my early education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.” – Woody Allen

“The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, “I’m from the government and I’m here to help.”” – President Ronald Reagan

“mid – life crisis: It’s a bullshit term used by psychologists to classify people in a certain age bracket who’re unsatisfied with thier lives. In your twenties it’s called a quarterlife crisis, and during childhood its called Oppositional Defiant Disorder.” – Ayliana

ATHEISM: – The belief that there was nothing and nothing happened to nothing and then nothing magically exploded for no reason, creating everything and then everything magically rearranged itself for no reason what so ever into self – replicating bits which then turned into dinosaurs. Makes perfect sense!

“Wow, just imagine missing school on the day when they were learning blue. You’d spend the rest of your life wondering what color the sky is.” – Daniel Quinn

I talk to myself, because we have a lot in common.

“If this world were a role – playing game (RPG), would you be classified as an Avatar or an NPC (non – player character)? NPCs sit around and repeat the same actions day after day. Avatars go on quests, where every day is different.” – Steve Pavlina

“The only things worth learning are the things you learn after you know it all.” – Harry S. Truman

“Sex is a dirty, filthy, vile disgusting thing. Save it for the one you love.”

Boredom is the #1 enemy of learning. Therefore, school is the #1 enemy of learning.

“Adam was but human – this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple’s sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent.” – Mark Twain

I’m no astronaut, but I’ll send a probe to Uranus.

Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run away. Death hates it when you do that.

“The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time.” – Abraham Lincoln

“What does education often do? It makes a straight – cut ditch of a free, meandering brook.” – Henry David Thoreau

“The founding fathers in their wisdom decided that children were an unnatural strain on parents. So they provided jails called schools, equipped with tortures called education. School is where you go between when your parents can’t take you and industry can’t take you.” – John Updike

Knowledge is power… Power corrupts… Help support evil – stay in school.

“The best argument against democracy is a five – minute conversation with the average voter.” – Winston Churchill

“People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use.” – Kierkegaard

Thanks for the diploma… can I have my childhood back?

So school does a few useful things. So what? If they gave you free ice cream in hell, would you want to go there?

“In school, they said Practice Makes Perfect, and then they said Nobody’s Perfect, so I stopped practicing.” – Stephen Wright

“Love isn’t blind, it just uses a completely different navigation system that isn’t compatible with anything else.”

“Lead us not into temptation. We’ll get there without your help.”

“The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.” – Mark Twain

“Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.” – Mark Twain

Foolishness always results when the tongue outraces the brain.

“One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.” – Will Durant

“If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.” – Lemony Snicket

Just so everybody knows, the Procrastinator’s Convention has been postponed until next week…

“I don’t have to know everything, as long as I know something you don’t.” – Stoney