choosing sobriety

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My son is going to Nepal soon. He will be away for at least 6 months. I am skint. My room is the converted loft room of an old Victorian house with a small ensuite bathroom, two sets of double doors overlooking the garden ( and suburbia) and a good amount of storage space. Its at the top of the house and has a lockable door.

Son #1 who will be away has the largest room on the first floor ( the original master bedroom) and shares a bathroom with his brothers.

I COULD move into son 1’s room for the duration of his trip – a pretty big moving exercise- but I could, and rent my room out. For about £650 / pcm for one person or perhaps £725 for a couple. for 6 months.

I had found a ‘perfect’ couple … he was a little older than me, she a little younger. They seemed quiet mature professional and sensible… all good. we met twice, agreed the ground rule, and yesterday they pulled out. Dont know why.

Am torn between irritation , frustration, relief and indecision.

For renting

money coming in

potentially another adult in the house – not for ‘baby sitting’ but incase of fire etc

one might be able to come to an arrangement whereby lower rent = help with dog walking /

Against renting

having someone in my house

leaving my sanctuary room

exposing the kids to another person in their home

more mess / other peoples habits / loads of things that I havent thought about

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10 comments

Oh this is a tough one. I personally would -not- to do it. Extra money would be nice but I’m still not good with the chaos of my own family much less extra strangers. I know people do this all the time but I would feel invaded and resentful the entire 6 months.

Multiply the amount by 6 months and it starts to sound like a reasonable amount! Remember that most or all of that will be tax-free too.
I had a lodger when my daughter was little. My partner has had a series of lodgers for a while.
In your circumstances I’d probably go for it. But I’d get a single lodger and have cast iron ground rules which cover all manner of things. Cleaning, locking up, use of kitchen, friends to stay, there are all manner of things you need to consider.
On the whole, be strict with the rules; it is easier to relax them if appropriate that to tighten them up if necessary.
You need it all to be above board; do a signed contract and get a rent book. Will you give a lodger rent free periods if they’re not there? (some would but it doesn’t make a lot of sense o do so as the room is still out of bouds for other usages even if they’re not it in).
I wouldn’t have a couple as you don’t want to be outnumbered by adults in your own house.
If you would like dog-walking to be a regular part of the arrangement, you need to broach it in advance.

You are going through a lot right now. Perhaps this is one too many changes.
If it is not the make or break of your financial situation perhaps passing is the answer.

Do you really want to share your space? Are you ok with a stranger in your house? Even if there are rules, they are paying. What will happen if they do something you don’t like….is that stress worth it,

Can you lock your door so they can’t enter your space?

Put your safety and mental wellbeing first. If you are truly ok with it than move ahead. If not, I am sure you will find another opportunity to improve your finances.

You know what. I don’t want anyone else in our space, not right now. I really really don’t. I don’t want to have to make rules for other people and be pissed off if they are broken, I dont want to negotiate stuff. I want peace, and calm. I don’t want other people …. so I think its a no…

I have decided for now, not to rent the space. I can always change my mind at a later date, but for now, I think those pointing out that WE need peace and space are correct …. and I certainly don’t need any further hassle ! x

Lily, I don’t think you need this extra complication right now. You have been through a lot and are going through a lot. I think you should keep your space yours and your home a space for you and your boys to just be. Other people will affect the dynamics of your family and I think now is the time to nurture family with the two younger boys while son 1 is away on his own wonderful adventure.

I know the money is tempting but my overwhelming gut feeling is that your home should be for you and your boys. For now at least. Tori xxx

Hello
I’m still reading your blogs and gave so much admiration for you.
I’m 46 single mum living in a large period house – mass work constantly ongoing and stress / breakdowns with builders constantly.
It was actually my dad that suggested I took in a lodger – maybe I got lucky, but he “the lodger” could not be more perfect. He is helpful, in garden ;not so in the house!), offered to cook, happy to help with our dog at w/e – not walk him but play in garden, feed etc. Happy to be around to watch my 14 yr old if I pop out.
It’s been extremely positive for me, problems are, you get very used to the £ and then it gets eaten into daily life (but I do have very high outgoings ATM)
I certainly wouldn’t have a couple as you will be overpowered by 2, but the right one short term could be good? If not you could always airbnb?

Hi L, thanks for your comments. I can see that for you its actually worked out really well … and I can see the positive potential. When I really examine it for ME right now, I just feel too anxious and am very worried about how I would cope if it did NOT go well …. If I get very short of money I can always opt to do a couple of out of hours shifts – less hassle and certainly easier if things didn’t go right ! very best Lily x