Ken Shelin crusades for domestic partnership registry

Ken Shelin, the former Sarasota city commissioner, has proposed registries in North Port, the City of Sarasota, Sarasota County and Venice, which would give couples — both gay and straight — certain legal rights including emergency notification, jail and hospital visitation and health care and funeral decisions. (Photo provided by Ken Shelin)

Published: Wednesday, March 27, 2013 at 6:56 p.m.

Last Modified: Wednesday, March 27, 2013 at 6:56 p.m.

SARASOTA - A year ago, one of Ken Shelin's neighbors asked him how to get a domestic partnership registry on the City Commission agenda.

“That's easy,” Shelin, 73, told his neighbor. “I know how to do it. I'll do it for you.”

And a crusade began.

The former Sarasota commissioner has since proposed registries in North Port, the City of Sarasota, Sarasota County and Venice, which would give couples — both gay and straight — certain legal rights including emergency notification, jail and hospital visitation and health care and funeral decisions.

Shelin is “keeping my fingers crossed” as U.S. Supreme Court justices consider this week's arguments over the Defense of Marriage Act, which denies same-sex couples federal benefits, and Proposition 8, the ban on gay marriage in California. He is also watching closely as Florida legislators look at a statewide registry.

But locally, he refuses to wait.

“I think that's how change really occurs in a country like ours,” Shelin said. “It starts somewhere, and it grows. Somebody steps out in front of the issue and encourages others to listen and agree and take action.”

In May, he and local public relations expert Grace Carlson presented a domestic partnership registry plan to Sarasota officials. Anticipating some complaints or opposition, Shelin sent an email blast asking people to turn out and wear red shirts in support.

“When were ready to make the presentation, I turn around and look at the room and the room is full of people with red shirts on,” he said.

City commissioners unanimously supported it.

“Politics in this town can be so contentious and decision making can be so protracted and so difficult. It was such a joy for once to have something so acceptable to the city government and to the public,” Shelin said, shaking his head at a domestic partner registry bringing consensus.

“Who would have thought?” he said.

When the city began registering couples in November, Shelin and his partner of 36 years were first on the list.

“It means that there's some official recognition of the relationship that you have, and that's what marriage is all about,” Shelin said. “You're moving through life together and you're committed to one another, and the community honors that.”

Since November, 130 couples have registered, said Lori Rivers, who helps handle the registry for the city. Of those, about 120 were same-sex couples, she said.

Although the state and federal government does not recognize his relationship, Shelin said it is meaningful that Sarasota — the city where he has lived with his partner since 1990 — does.

“This is home,” he said. “This place is more important to you than anywhere else, and how this places feels about you is important.”

County-wide effort After Sarasota's registry went smoothly, Shelin, and sometimes Carlson, talked with North Port, Sarasota County and Venice about setting up their own.

Venice jumped on the idea, and Tuesday the City Council gave final approval for a registry.

But in North Port, which has been operating with four of its five leaders after Commissioner Tom Jones suffered a stroke in January, the idea has stalled.

City Manager Jonathan Lewis said the commission, deadlocked on a 2-2 vote, failed to move forward with a registry. At least one of the commissioners wanted to wait as the Florida Legislature considers the bill that would create a statewide registry.

Jones recently announced he plans to return to his North Port post, and if the state effort fails the issue could come before the commission again, Lewis said.

Meanwhile, Sarasota County Attorney Stephen DeMarsh said he is preparing a memo to present to county commissioners April 23, asking if they want to create a domestic partnership registry. He said he will also tell them about the legislative bill.

Shelin, who recently testified at a Florida Senate committee hearing in favor of the bill, is not optimistic that it will pass. For several years, similar legislation has come before the Legislature and failed.

Shelin said if the commission waits on the state, domestic partners who live in the unincorporated parts of the county are getting “screwed” out of hospital visitations and other legal rights.

Growing support The Supreme Court justices are expected to rule on the Proposition 8 and DOMA cases in June. What impact their decision would have in Florida, where 62 percent of voters decided in 2008 to define marriage as between a man and woman, remains uncertain.

Whatever the ruling, Nadine Smith, executive director of Equality Florida, said the fight is not over for groups like hers that advocate for gay rights. Shelin, who is on the organization's board, agreed.

“When you have discrimination, when you have bigotry, it's cultural,” he said. “It's something that people learn, and until that cultural influence fades you've got to continue to fight.”

However, both of the activists said people's view of same-sex marriage is changing in Florida and across the country.

Numerous recent polls, including those by CBS, CNN, Fox News and the Pew Research Center, show more people across the nation supported legalizing same-sex marriage than opposed it.

“That public opinion reflects younger voters who don't understand why we have to fight for equality,” Smith said. “And older voters who are changing their mind.”

Around Sarasota, Shelin said he sees a lot of local support for gay rights but few activists.

“It's an older community. People have patterns of life that they pursue,” he said. “It isn't a place where you have big parades, people carrying banners. It really doesn't happen that way around here.”

In Sarasota, people speak through donations and over the past five years the donations at Equality Florida's annual Sarasota gala increased from about $35,000 to $112,000, Shelin said.

While Shelin hopes for a broader social change, he and Carlson remain focused on getting a Sarasota County domestic partner registry.

After that, perhaps in Charlotte and Manatee counties, they said. Shelin said he is certain his registry campaign will continue, “Until we're sure were don't need it anymore.”

<p><em>SARASOTA</em> - A year ago, one of Ken Shelin's neighbors asked him how to get a domestic partnership registry on the City Commission agenda. </p><p>“That's easy,” Shelin, 73, told his neighbor. “I know how to do it. I'll do it for you.”</p><p>And a crusade began. </p><p>The former Sarasota commissioner has since proposed registries in North Port, the City of Sarasota, Sarasota County and Venice, which would give couples — both gay and straight — certain legal rights including emergency notification, jail and hospital visitation and health care and funeral decisions. </p><p>Shelin is “keeping my fingers crossed” as U.S. Supreme Court justices consider this week's arguments over the Defense of Marriage Act, which denies same-sex couples federal benefits, and Proposition 8, the ban on gay marriage in California. He is also watching closely as Florida legislators look at a statewide registry.</p><p>But locally, he refuses to wait.</p><p>“I think that's how change really occurs in a country like ours,” Shelin said. “It starts somewhere, and it grows. Somebody steps out in front of the issue and encourages others to listen and agree and take action.”</p><p>In May, he and local public relations expert Grace Carlson presented a domestic partnership registry plan to Sarasota officials. Anticipating some complaints or opposition, Shelin sent an email blast asking people to turn out and wear red shirts in support. </p><p>“When were ready to make the presentation, I turn around and look at the room and the room is full of people with red shirts on,” he said.</p><p>City commissioners unanimously supported it.</p><p>“Politics in this town can be so contentious and decision making can be so protracted and so difficult. It was such a joy for once to have something so acceptable to the city government and to the public,” Shelin said, shaking his head at a domestic partner registry bringing consensus. </p><p>“Who would have thought?” he said.</p><p>When the city began registering couples in November, Shelin and his partner of 36 years were first on the list. </p><p>“It means that there's some official recognition of the relationship that you have, and that's what marriage is all about,” Shelin said. “You're moving through life together and you're committed to one another, and the community honors that.”</p><p>Since November, 130 couples have registered, said Lori Rivers, who helps handle the registry for the city. Of those, about 120 were same-sex couples, she said. </p><p>Although the state and federal government does not recognize his relationship, Shelin said it is meaningful that Sarasota — the city where he has lived with his partner since 1990 — does.</p><p>“This is home,” he said. “This place is more important to you than anywhere else, and how this places feels about you is important.”</p><p><span style='font-size:1.1em;'>County-wide effort After Sarasota's registry went smoothly, Shelin, and sometimes Carlson, talked with North Port, Sarasota County and Venice about setting up their own. </p><p>Venice jumped on the idea, and Tuesday the City Council gave final approval for a registry.</span></b></p><p>But in North Port, which has been operating with four of its five leaders after Commissioner Tom Jones suffered a stroke in January, the idea has stalled. </p><p>City Manager Jonathan Lewis said the commission, deadlocked on a 2-2 vote, failed to move forward with a registry. At least one of the commissioners wanted to wait as the Florida Legislature considers the bill that would create a statewide registry.</p><p>Jones recently announced he plans to return to his North Port post, and if the state effort fails the issue could come before the commission again, Lewis said.</p><p>Meanwhile, Sarasota County Attorney Stephen DeMarsh said he is preparing a memo to present to county commissioners April 23, asking if they want to create a domestic partnership registry. He said he will also tell them about the legislative bill.</p><p>Shelin, who recently testified at a Florida Senate committee hearing in favor of the bill, is not optimistic that it will pass. For several years, similar legislation has come before the Legislature and failed.</p><p><!---->Shelin said if the commission waits<!----> on the state, domestic partners who live in the unincorporated parts of the county are getting “screwed” out of hospital visitations and other legal rights<!---->.</p><p><!----><span style='font-size:1.1em;'>Growing support <!---->The Supreme Court justices are expected to rule on the Proposition 8 and DOMA cases in June. What impact their decision would have in Florida, where 62 percent of voters decided in 2008 to define marriage as between a man and woman, remains uncertain. </p><p><!----><!----><!---->Whatever the ruling, Nadine Smith, executive director of Equality Florida, said the fight is not over for groups like hers that advocate for gay rights. Shelin, who is on the organization's board, agreed.</span></b></p><p>“When you have discrimination, when you have bigotry, it's cultural,” he said. “It's something that people learn, and until that cultural influence fades you've got to continue to fight.”</p><p>However, both of the activists said people's view of same-sex marriage is changing in Florida and across the country.</p><p>Numerous recent polls, including those by CBS, CNN, Fox News and the Pew Research Center, show more people across the nation supported legalizing same-sex marriage than opposed it.</p><p>“That public opinion reflects younger voters who don't understand why we have to fight for equality,” Smith said. “And older voters who are changing their mind.”</p><p>Around Sarasota, Shelin said he sees a lot of local support for gay rights but few activists. </p><p>“It's an older community. People have patterns of life that they pursue,” he said. “It isn't a place where you have big parades, people carrying banners. It really doesn't happen that way around here.” </p><p>In Sarasota, people speak through donations and over the past five years the donations at Equality Florida's annual Sarasota gala increased from about $35,000 to $112,000, Shelin said.</p><p>While Shelin hopes for a broader social change, he and Carlson remain focused on getting a Sarasota County domestic partner registry. </p><p>After that, perhaps in Charlotte and Manatee counties, they said. Shelin said he is certain his registry campaign will continue, “Until we're sure were don't need it anymore.”</p>