All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

This week’s unitasker was submitted to us by reader SF, who asked if the Cirrus Press ice ball maker is “For the person who has everything?”

At $799 a piece, I have to agree with SF that the buyer must already own everything. And, in addition to having everything, I think the person must also have an insane amount of time on his/her hands to only make one ice ball at a time. The product description says that it would be perfect for a bartender to use, which seems extremely unlikely based upon every bar I’ve been to where time is very precious to a bartender.

Make no mistake, I’m all in favor of slowly melting ice that doesn’t dilute my drink, but at this price I could buy alcohol so good that it doesn’t need to be chilled — and have money left over to give to charity or give to friends/family/strangers or to buy myself a new drink if one became watered down.

An alternative might be Sipping Stones, which won’t dilute your drink with water and cost less than $20. Plus, they don’t make your drink so cold that you can’t taste the drink (a problem I’ve sometimes encountered when having drinks “on the rocks”). Or, if you are committed to the idea of having a single, large, ice ball in every beverage, consider the Prepara Ice Ball Makers, where you can get four forms for less than $10. These even appear to have the bonus of being able to add mint or juice or grenadine or whatever you might want to add to the ice to liven up a drink.

I bet if you are a high end bar looking for a signature drink, Or a high end whiskey bar, it would pay for itself fairly quickly. An extra $4 for your ‘jupiter martini’ or an extra dollar for slow melting rocks. It could work. It looks durable. Admittedly, you would have to be a rich individual or go a little nuts when planning your wedding.

It made a huge melty mess in the video. Plus, you have to have a big block of ice to start with (but not too big, or it won’t fit). So you start with a specially sized piece of ice and melt it into another specially sized piece of ice?? Seems like a stretch, even for a bartender.

@Shawn – Um…No… It takes EXACTLY the same amount of time to make an ice ball with this device if not longer than the others (because you can only make one at a time).

If you watch the video, to use this ‘press’, first you have to make a BIG block of ice by freezing water, then when the water is frozen (after several hours) you put it in the ‘press’ and wait for the ice that you don’t need to melt…

I saw Martha Stewart use this on her show and thought what a strange contraption it was and yes it would be lovely to have ice balls made out of your beverage of choice but who really cares that much?? $799 seems a little steep, even for Martha! Although now that I think about it, she didn’t give one away to everyone in the audience (which she does with just about everything these days), so that should have been the tip-off.

OK, so I am a fairly new reader to your site, but is it some kind of joke that people need to come here to defend these products? I get such a laugh out of that, and with today’s I thought, no way, no one would come out to defend this thing… and yet there you have it. TOO FUNNY.

This isn’t the model that was on the Martha Stewart show – that one was a Japanese Model called Taisin that costs $1,637 for the equivalent 70mm ice ball mold that Cirrus sells.

From someone who owns one, I’ll tell you there are added benefits to this device over a plastic mold. As ice freezes from the outside-in, impurities within the water get trapped in the ice as it freezes. This is what makes ice look cloudy. With a plastic mold there will always be impurities within the middle of the ice, along with the fact that you can’t get a perfect sphere from a plastic mold as it expands while freezing.

Another major benefit is the fact that you can get clear ice blocks from an ice supplier and use them with the aluminum press to make perfectly clear ice spheres. You can’t do this with a plastic mold, which means you don’t have the option of using high quality ice in your drink, only ice from your freezer which can pick up odors.

It’s a premium product for those who want one – just because you all have no use for such a thing doesn’t mean it’s not valuable to a certain demographic. Don’t make fun of a Ferrari if you’re only in the market for a SmartCar.

For $1,657, I will fly to Japan, hike to a glacier on Mt. Fuji and hire a skilled craftsperson to carve a 70mm sphere out of prehistoric ice cut from an ice core. Then toss it in my Jameson. Sip. Repeat.

For the yahoo who claims you get cloudy ice from “impurities” in the water – ice is cloudy because of tiny bubbles of air trapped in it. Want clear ice? Let your water sit on the counter overnight before pouring it into molds, or vibrate the mold while it’s chilling.

Geez, people. If you’re rich enough to afford this junk, you should be rich enough to get the science right.

I have to say this one is the best(most outrageous)so far regarding a unitasker. Most of us would never use it enough to justify the space required keeping in our kitchen or wet bar. Then the cost on top of that. Wow. Thanks for the laugh this morning.

As a person who owns a few coffee-related appliances that cost more money than many people would consider reasonable, I totally get that if you’re really into something–like mixology–you might go seriously over and above to buy something like this to allow you to perfect your hobby.

But then I look at this thing and think about all the folks without jobs out there, etc. etc. and think… we are DOOMED, people, DOOMED! $800 for one ice ball!

Speaking as a cocktail nerd, I certainly see a use for this, though I do not own one. Amazon has silicone ice cube trays that make huge ice cubes, which could be used for small amounts of sauce and such too. It’s about $8, I use that instead and highly recommend it for good presentation when you don’t want your drink diluted. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obi.....tterer-20/

i thought it was an iceball to throw when i first read this! i just saw today that companies like llbean and mastermind toys are actually marketing snowball makers for those who apparently can’t use their hands…yeesh. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GyJq0gYh2BY

But wouldn’t it be so cool to have one of those round little ice balls sitting in the bottom of your cocktail… while you’re sitting in your penthouse… with all white furniture… overlooking New York City… BUT WAIT! I DON’T HAVE AN PENTHOUSE! Nor an unlimited amount of money to spend $800 on an ICE MAKER that makes ONE ICE CUBE (or ice ball, I guess)!!!

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