Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Wednesday spelled backwards is Wednesday spelled backwards.

So yesterday I was on the subway, because this is New York City that that's what you do, and as we rumbled along I noticed that the gentleman standing next to me was drawing something:

At first I thought maybe he was surreptitiously sketching his fellow riders. "Who says this is no longer a town for artists!," I thought to myself. Clearly David Byrne, Patti Smith, and every other rich, aging artist who has taken to the pages of the Times and the Guardian to denounce New York City as a materialistic cultural wasteland were wrong. But then I glanced over at the paper, at which point I realized he was basically drawing porn.

Unfortunately I was unable to obtain a photo of the porn, because even in 21st century New York City it's generally unwise to take obvious pictures of the sorts of people who draw pornography on the subway. Instead, I was forced to pretend that I was reading my phone while surreptitiously shooting photos, but I was unable to get the right angle while maintaining the ruse. Even inverting the photo and zooming it in doesn't reveal the image, thanks the the artist's surprisingly delicate line work:

I can, however, report that it appeared to be a representation of a woman with her hands tied behind her back squatting over a man's face, but whether she was receiving cunnilingus or administering urine or feces I cannot say. I also suspect that the artist is not under the impression he is drawing porn, and is probably a devotee of "manga" or some other dark facet of extreme nerdism. Still, call me old-fashioned, but when I see a picture of a woman squatting over a man's face, I says it's porn.

VN: They probably appreciate it, too. I mean, I doubt parents are saying, “you better not listen to Levi because he made bad decisions so many years ago.”

This is patently untrue. In fact, I said just this to my seventeen (17) children the other day. There we were, playing with our USADA Reasoned Decision flash cards, and I said to them all, "See this guy? Don't listen to him!"

Believe me, it's not specific to Levi. I just don't want my children listening to pro cyclists, or indeed any pro athlete. What life experience does an athlete have that is in any way relevant or useful to the rest of us? Dedication? Determination? Please. If anything, life is the art of knowing exactly when to quit, which is pretty much the antithesis of professional sports.

Other people I tell my children not to listen to are Ralph Kramden, because his harebrained schemes always backfire:

And of course Jesus:

It's not like Jesus didn't have some nice things to say, it's just that nothing good has come from any of it. If my children are going to learn from fictional characters I'd much rather them watch TV. For example, "Sesame Street" teaches children pretty much exactly the same values Jesus does, with the added benefit that nobody has ever used some shit Elmo said as the pretext for invading another country.

Actually, that's not entirely true:

("'O' is for 'Oil,' and 'A' is for 'Airstrike!'")

I guess what I'm saying is that the sooner you teach your kids they're living in an Orwellian dystopia the better, which is why when they behave mine get to watch the move version of "1984:"

It's just like the Pixar movie "Ratatouille," except instead of being lovable and charming the rat just chews through is face.

Mercatone Uno president Romano Cenni has hired a lawyer in a bid to have victory at the 1999 Giro d’Italia assigned to the late Marco Pantani. Cenni’s legal action follows claims – 15 years old but recently re-aired extensively in the Italian press – of irregularities in the testing procedures when Pantani returned a high haematocrit on the penultimate day of that Giro and was forced out of the race while leading the overall standings.

So wait a minute: Lance Armstrong dopes and then loses his seven Tours years after the fact, while Pantani dopes, doesn't even finish the Giro, and might win it anyway? I can't believe this sport's not more popular! I mean, the arguments are so consistent!

Naturally, it's all a conspiracy:

“I can’t say if it was a conspiracy, an error or something else, but what I am certain of is that new elements are emerging which show that the decision taken against Marco Pantani and the Mercatone Uno team should be modified and revised,” lawyer Marco Baroncini told mediaset.it.“Mercatone Uno and, in particular, its president Romano Cenni, just want for Pantani to be given what was taken unjustly from him and the team.”

What the hell is it with Marco Pantani and conspiracy theories? He's like the Italian Tupac:

(Both bald, both fond of bandanas, both probably still alive somewhere.)

For his part, current 1999 Giro winner Ivan Gotti is okay with it:

In Pantani’s absence, Ivan Gotti overcame Paolo Savoldelli on the Mortirolo to move into the pink jersey and he went on to claim final overall victory in Milan the following day. It was Gotti’s second Giro victory following his 1997 triumph, but it was wholly overshadowed by the furore that surrounded Pantani’s exclusion.Speaking to Gazzetta dello Sport on Wednesday, Gotti said that he would have no objections if the 1999 Giro was taken from his palmares and posthumously awarded to Pantani, who died in 2004.“Re-writing history isn’t a problem relative to what happened to poor Marco,” Gotti said. “If they were to award him that Giro, I wouldn’t feel deprived of something. I’m prepared to give it up.”

Yeah, of course he's okay with it. Nobody remembers who he is now, much less that he won the Giro that year, so giving the win to a famous dead guy is a great way to get some bonus publicity. By the way, remember Paulo Savoldelli, a.k.a. "Il Falco," the guy whose whole schtick was that he was good at descending?

(Salvoldelli going down like Cipollini on date night.)

In retrospect, it's pretty hilarious that in those days everyone was so doped they couldn't even out-climb each other anymore, so the only way left to get an edge was to be really good at going down the mountains.

This whole goddamn sport is a race to the bottm.

And of course let's not forget that Pantani was supposedly "murdered" for some reason:

In recent months, magistrates in Italy have announced that they will re-examine both the circumstances surrounding Pantani’s haematocrit test in 1999 and his untimely death in Rimini in 2004. In August, a lawyer acting on behalf of Pantani’s parents submitted a dossier to magistrates in Rimini claiming that he had been murdered by being forced to drink a solution of water and cocaine.

Forced to drink a solution of water and cocaine? I'm so sure. Just like when they put a gun to your head at TGI Friday's and force you to order the Death By Chocolate:

("Eat that goddamn sundae, you mudder fucker!")

That looks uncannily like the TGI Friday's in Penn Station, by the way.

Lastly, if you really want to get depressed, here's the "most dangerous junction in the Netherlands," which would just as easily be the safest intersection in New York:

Your intellengence fone should have a setting to take stills from a paused video. Very handy for subway stealth or taking pics of hawt MILF in yoga pants at the Wal-Mart and sending them to your buddy.

My frequent readership of Bicycling Magazine should put some perspective on just how low I set my standards. Even then, professional cycling consistently finds new and inventive ways of shattering the floor of even general competence.

Another fine one! WCRM is on a roll. Or rolling. Or rolled. Something.

Is it just me, but when I look at the photos on the Riv site home page, before I go over to the Cheviot page to look at the bike I'd like so much to own, it seems like bike life in Riv country is like what Matt McConaughey might be sending back from those planets he visits in his new movie. I can ride up to Harriman SP or Sprain Ridge, it still looks nothing like as much fun as Mt. Diablo SP.

Jay Street bike lane blocked this morning by cop ticketing cyclists. Of course, 100 yards past that I have to dodge a tractor trailer coming off the Manhattan Bridge where no "policalty" suspected or expected.

I'd take the subway, but according to my dog, its many mysteries are beyond my ken.

When I asked him how subway artists develop the grip they need to keep their pens steady for their en route illustrations, he just shook his head slowly and walked away.

Leroy !! I saw someone with a doggy in a rear bike basket yesterday. Does your pooch travel with ? [I hate it when people say "come with" as a shortening of "come with you/us" but I succumbed]

I am on that same stretch of Jay Street from Smith St to the Manhattan Bridge about 8 - 8:15am, green + white Olmo. Missed today's constabulary hi jinx as I think it's gonna rain tonight and I suck at this balancing on 2 wheels in the rain. That is a sucky little merge to the bridge access. Reminds me I have to get there earlier and earlier but the getting up stupid o clock early hurts.I know I'm due for a ticket. Law of averages. We are all guilty of something.

Dear Anon @ 11:36 - What is there to understand about Pantani's death and what does if have to do with understanding or not understanding road racing? Pantani was a coke addict, doper piece of shit and he died because of it. Aside from the fact that there are a lot of doper pieces of shit who may or may not also be coke addicts in the European peloton, I don't see how Pantani's death is at all germane to road racing.

I remember those racing days, as they were the days when I actually watched the sport. I used to pump up my sew-ups to 200PSI and descend the backroads (are there any other?) of scruz, mimicking the Ill Falcon.

One day, swinging wide on a teeth-chattering corner, I punctured yet another tire set on some blasted goat heads. They were slow leaks, so I kept going down to the sausage factory in Corralitos. This is when I realized how much better things were going, down around 85PSI and I was carving turns like a pro finally!

i agree with @Richard Breaks - so tired of the euro's whining. its not that i am too stupid to understand things like road racing and soccer - its that they are both just terrible and i have no interest in your lame euro past times.

An Inspector Gadget style mechanical appendage to attach your smart phone to and raise covertly overhead would provide a much better point of view when engaging in this hard-hitting photojournalism of yours.

Should work perfectly as no one is looking up these days. Could also be employed at ground level for viewing upwards depending on the application required.

The fact of the matter is that zee Germans are just as clueless as zee Amis when it comes to pro bike racing as the only time they woke up from their handball (what a bullshit sport that is!)and fussball induced sports coma to notice bike racing was when a certain doped to the eyeballs kid from Rostock kinda won the TdF.

Since that time they have been thankfully lulled back to sleep with more handball (what a bullshit sport that is!) the vegetation of the crown prince of Germany and a World Cup. Thank God too! The only thing worse then an American pro bike fan is a German one.

To quote another very astute comment-er from this blog 'go fuck yourself'

Debating the existence or non-existence of historical figures is pretty far afield from talkin' about bikes and boobs. Nonetheless, I will posit that it is almost universally accepted that there was a historical Jesus. However, like almost all ancient historical figures, the story of Jesus' life that is presented in popular works (e.g., the Bible) is almost certainly highly embellished. And Jesus is particularly problematic due to the fact that there are almost no contemporary writings about Jesus' life and accomplishments. There isn't even an account of his supposed crucifixion in spite of the fact that the Roman were known to have kept impeccable records of such things. The oldest writings that I know of about Jesus are the Gospels, but they were written decades to hundreds of years after Jesus' death. In contrast, there are contemporary accounts of the lives and times of Plato, Cleopatra, and Vercingetorix.

You must be using definitions of 'logic' and 'proves' that up until now I have been unaware.

I asked a question.

We can choose to believe Cleopatra existed because texts written 2,000+/- talk about her. You (not me) can choose to believe "...Moe, Larry and Curly walked the streets of Alexandria..." but if you do so it will not be on the bias of historic texts.

Debating the existence or non-existence of historical figures is pretty far afield from talkin' about bikes and boobs. Nonetheless, I will posit that it is almost universally accepted that there was a historical Jesus. However, like almost all ancient historical figures, the story of Jesus' life that is presented in popular works (e.g., the Bible) is almost certainly highly embellished. And Jesus is particularly problematic due to the fact that there are almost no contemporary writings about Jesus' life and accomplishments. There isn't even an account of his supposed crucifixion in spite of the fact that the Roman were known to have kept impeccable records of such things. The oldest writings that I know of about Jesus are the Gospels, but they were written decades to hundreds of years after Jesus' death. In contrast, there are contemporary accounts of the lives and times of Plato, Cleopatra, and Vercingetorix.

But in mid 2014, learned scholars at the Vatican hacked Jesus' iCloud account and cleared all that up. Dude was totally into selfies, usually after some water-to-wine miracles.

Here in Canada's Redman Foil Pouch my boy is a huge soccer fan/player and people are constanly belittling the sport, as well as psychling. I'm like hey just because you fat little f**cks can't run or pedal doesn't mean it's stoopid.

As a Jew living in America and having been steeped in Judeo-Christian American culture, I try to maintain my sanity by thinking of Jesus as a rabbi who had some nice things to say about the way people should live their lives. I take exception to the son of God part. And I kinda doubt that the historical Jesus, if such a person actually even existed, ever proclaimed himself to be the son of God. And here's why I consider it to be unlikely: For a people who considered it blasphemous to utter the name of God, proclaiming yourself to be God's earthly embodiment would be the height of blasphemy.

That's precisely why the Jews turned on him and let Pilate crucify him despite Pilate's own "reluctance," a useful plot device meant to make the Romans seem more sympathetic once Christianity started going mainstream, and which cemented the Jews' reputation in history as "Christ Killers."

Eben "Rock Machine" Weiss - The 'Jews and Christ killers' meme was started in middle ages Europe to justify pogroms against the Jews. It has no historical basis in fact. And if, as Christians believe, Jesus was sent to ear to die for men's sins, isn't it God who was the Christ killer? I.e., his fate was preordained by God. Therefore, God killed him.

Saul, interesting viewpoint. I view the New Testament as an outright rejection of the Old Testament, as no doubt did its authors.

The Old Testament G-d was vengeful -- an eye for an eye. The New Testament teaches turn the other cheek, not retribution.

The tale of the Good Samaritan is taken to mean about the opposite of how it was understood when it was written. It is not a story about a stranger in a strange land helping out a fellow in need. It is a story about how the Jews ignored the suffering of their fellow Jew, leaving it to a gentile to offer him succor.

Tossing the money-changers out of the temple was meant as an allegory for the status quo.

wishiwasmerckx - I am no religious scholar. Like most American Jews, I am almost entirely secular. But in America, we are surrounded by Christ this and Christ that. Jesus was first and foremost a Jew. If the teachings that are attributed to Jesus are really his, it helps in the sanity department to be able to reclaim ownership of at least some of the better ones.

It's been many years since I studied the subject so my timeline is no doubt very hazy, but my recollection is that certain Gospels read the way they do (casting Pilate in a sympathetic light) because it was politically beneficial to do so as Christianity spread. It also made the Jews into scapegoats to some degree.

Anyway, if I can't even remember my college courses, then there ain't no way any of these religious stories are accurate.

oh c'mon. the old testament god was a pussycat. (perhaps overstating this) but at least he/she showed grace (defined as being forgiven when you don't deserve it. Consider Jacob: He fast-talked esau intio trading his birthright for some pottage, fooled his father out of the blessing...briefly gets his comeuppance with the whole Leah/Rachel-seven years to marry my daughter-oh the other daughter thing...he does one last deal short-changing Lot & splits town...when along ccomes the news that his brother Esau is in town..at the head of 200 soliers...Jacob doesn't like those odds...wrestles with an angel...finally he meets Esau..whom he cheated of his inheritance...what does Esau do? He says, "Jake!!Howya doing!! Hey everybody, this is my brother Jake!!".. No settling of scores.

Of course it was nasty about Sodom. And that Levite's servant girl, raped by the men of Benjamin. And pretty much the whole book of Judges. A cruel god, but fair

Saul - You "take offense" with another religion - it's just a brand thing - granted one that involves power and money - but the taking offense is what feeds the "religion causes war" cycle

AND - you "think" Christians take the story literally - I imagine some do - I know atheists do for affect - but most reasonable people understand the symbolic purpose with which religious writings were made - New testament included

That Groningen intersection is dangerous because no one knows what to do, or so the caption says. Well, if those damned atheist dutchmen would just let jesus tell them what to do, the problem would be solved wouldnit?

Hello! I'm a girl from Italy and I found your blog just right now. Well, I'm so sorry to read what you write about Marco Pantani. You and the people commenting here don't have a clue of Pantani's life, the events of 1999, and most of all the circumstances of his tragic death. Investigations are still going on. But you in the USA probably don't know it all, I understand... Just don't judge so lightly please. And if you and your fellow say that Pantani was a coke addict, yes... He was in a bad depression, and probably you ignore all the reasons why.Well, I just found your blog 5 minutes ago and after just reading one article I decided I'better quit it (you just say quitting is a right thing to do, life told you, uh?)Thank you for reading my commentHave a nice night guysAlex

Regarding the religious/history talk, Herodotus started it. I and others just couldn't control ourselves.

Speaking of religion, Robot Captcha has demanded that I erect a shrine oomteor. I have no idea what that is - I pray to Lob that Robot Captcha will clarify - but I am guessing that this is sorta what it was like for Noah when he was commanded to build the arc. He was like "An arc? Whatchoo talkin' about, God."

All the Abrahamic religions are crude yet successful (so far) attempts to control women and The Other. They offer no hope unless you happen to like perpetual tribal conflict. They fight over rocks and pebbles, literally. When they can stop fighting and live together in peace for, say, five thousand years then perhaps they might have something relevant to share but until then it's best just to ignore them.

Eben, Eben, Eben, deny it all you like, whether you are sincere or posing for the benefit of the blog. but once a Jew, always a Jew. You can declare yourself non-observant, but you cannot blot it from your soul.

Snob - I think Rabbi Wishiwasmerckx may be assuming that you are a Member of the Tribe based on the fact that your name is Eben Weiss. I am not going to defend Rabbi Wishiwasmerckx, per se, but I have always made the same assumption. Also, you seem to know a lot about the culture and customs of the Hasidim. Apologies if we have incorrectly assigned you to the wrong cultural group.

At least Rabbi Wishiwasmerckx didn't call you a curmudgeonly cockgobbler and then storm out with a threat to never return.

Eben, I will defer to the Cohen Gadol (the Chief Rabbi in Jerusalem) to define who, exactly is a Jew, finding my own definition somewhat lacking.

It is bad form in the extreme to engage in a flame war with the host of the blog, ESPECIALLY one as genial as you are underneath the mantle of a curmudgeon.

Should you choose to turn your back on your heritage because of a distrust of organized religion generally or Judaism in particular, what say have I in the matter?

Still, there is a significant non-religious cultural component to being Jewish as well. Eat all the ham sandwiches you please, but at some point in later middle age, you will likely return to your roots.

In the meantime, you do indeed seem to be handling your life and your affairs with a certain aplomb, and do not appear to require any guidance from me on how to live a full and meaningful life.

That having been said, THIS is the one subject that when kidded about, your hackles raise?

My hackles are not even remotely raised, I am enjoying our discourse! I'm not saying I'm Jewish or not Jewish, just trying to figure out what _you_ think it means since I could easily not be Jewish by more than one definition.

Snob - I about as goy as they come, so my knowledge of Jewishy names is fairly limited. I grew up in western Colorado and I live in Utah - I don't think I met an observant Jew until I went to college. And while I have never met a Jew named Eben, I don't consider it to be an impossibility (we do live a mostly secular society, after all, and not all Jewish children are given biblically appropriate names).

Interesting point regarding assumptions about names: Here in SLC, the Jewish private school is called the MacGillis School. MacGillis is a pretty goyishe sounding name, but apparently the MacGillises were a family of Irish Jews. The diaspora did interesting things.

Not only do you flatter me, but you have also described a member of the English leisure class!

You're not addressing the birth component though. Regardless of one's cultural predilection one still has to be born of certain parents to really be Jewish, right? So what do you require in that department to consider someone Jewish?

In Biblical times, Judaism was a patrilineal system -- if your father was Jewish, you were Jewish.

Sometime around the middle ages, and for politically expedient reasons beyond my current recall, it switched to being a matrilineal system.

Orthodox and most Conservatives still cling to matrilinealism. The reform generally accept bilinealism. This is one of many reasons the Orthodox have a different name for the Reform Jew: "Christian."

If you were born of a Jewish father and a non-Jewish mother, you can still claim Israeli citizenship under the Right of Return, but unless you undergo an approved conversion, you will not have full rights as a citizen (ie, must marry civilly).

This is a can of worms, and I assure you that I will not be spending hours on Ancestry.com trying to untangle the mysteries of Mr. Weiss's family tree.

I just want you to acknowledge that you understand why I feel like, on some level, this is all a bit of a boondoggle. I don't have to go on Ancestry.com, I know my background. But I'm either Jewish or not Jewish or in some strange limbo depending on whether or not I appeal to someone else's sensibilities. How can I not be cynical about it? It's like the movie "Heathers."

But remember, Monet was the guy with the lily pads, and he probably needed glasses,

And Manet painted Dejeuner... and other things like The Spanish Singer, which is a really great painting, at the Met in NYC and you should really go see it, and the Dead Matador, which is here at my National Gallery in D.C., and I really ought to go see it.

And I'm not ganging up on the British. I'm sure if Turing had been a U.S. citizen, an "American", if you will, he would have received the exact same tortuous treatment.

Imagine, you shorten WWII by one-to-two years by breaking the Enigma machine and inventing an early computer, and then your country later indicts you for being gay and you agree to be injected with estrogen to avoid gay thoughts and avoid going to jail.

Just a fucking, fucking crime. We humans are too often so fucking cruel!

Here's something about Turing and bicycling at the same time, from Wikipedia:

His parents enrolled him at St Michael's, a day school at 20 Charles Road, St Leonards-on-Sea, at the age of six. The headmistress recognised his talent early on, as did many of his subsequent educators. In 1926, at the age of 13, he went on to Sherborne School, a well known independent school in the market town of Sherborne in Dorset. The first day of term coincided with the 1926 General Strike in Britain, but so determined was he to attend that he rode his bicycle unaccompanied more than 60 miles (97 km) from Southampton to Sherborne, stopping overnight at an inn.[23]

This all reminds me of the saying about a movie director who had had his beach crusier bike stolen at the same time that he was auditioning actors for a film concerning the Wednesday Weed. That saying being, 'Let he who is without Schwinn, cast the first stoner.'

Having met Herr BiekSnob I can attest to his wearing of the kippa. Besides having all the traditional indicators such as a dark swarthy complexion, beady eyes, wiry hair and a hook nose, my jewdar like my gaydar is never wrong.Unless he's Swiss.

Hmmm, interesting discussion. I've assumed for a long while that Snob might be a closeted Buddhist with a Jewish background. It's true, we do chop the world into manageable bits and we tend to throw labels around when discussing people. It's a long standing habit I think, better to tell friend from foe in the past but not so useful now.

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!