Part of the reason why it is so difficult for an American man to date and find love in America comes down to demographics. There are simply more men than women in America in the age ranges that matter to them. I’ve written before about how male dominance in French held colonies in the New World resulted in Louis XIV recruiting single young women known as the King’s Daughters to be sent to marry male colonists to create families and a population boom that would strengthen French holdings in the colonies.

Today, we face a similar crisis, but no government agency is going to step in and help us. For one thing, feminism controls and exercises disproportionate influence in government and the media, so this problem won’t be discussed to any significant extent. Fortunately, men have more social mobility than ever and it’s not a big undertaking to travel abroad to date or look for a wife.

All the single men

To get an idea of the extent of the problem here’s an infographic of gender ratios in major cities in the United States (found here).

Graphical representation of disproportionate men and women in major US cities in 2012

The data for the infographic draws from US census data and plots excess men and women by city in the US. Only cities with a population of over 250,000 are represented. Singles are considered to be people who are not married, divorced (but not separated) and widowed. However, I’m not sure how many of these people are dating or cohabitating and still marking themselves as single on the census questionnaire. You can find our more about the methodology by visiting the website but this will be good enough for our discussion.

The 18-64 age range is much too broad for us to consider because, realistically, how many men are chasing 64 year old women? Not many I’d think. Let’s look at the age ranges of women that men would be interested in. The infographic has a slider bar where you can look at different age ranges.

Women at the 20-34 age range are at their peak sexual appeal, desirability and fertility. These are the women that men tend to chase regardless of how old the man is. Actually, the 30’s are pushing things a little. Fertility and appearance begin to wane in women once they enter their 30’s. There may be a few exceptions made for women that take care of themselves and managed to remain childless but it’s largely irrelevant considering how many surplus men there are in the major US cities. There are a few small bastions of surplus women in a couple of southern cities, but for the most part, it’s a sausage fest in the “land of opportunity”.

The depressing thing is that this map understates things a great deal. Consider the obesity rating among women, how many of them are single mothers, and how many are lesbians. The pickings are slim, indeed. An American man has to cross an ocean to have a realistic chance of scoring an attractive woman in her prime age range. Otherwise, he’s just hoping he gets lucky in the US.

My experience in the field

I divorced when I was 30 and tried to get into the dating scene about six months later. This included going to events, speed dating, internet dating and spending thousands of dollars on singles clubs in the US. I sought single or divorced women without children in the 25-35 age range. Not only was this age range very close to mine, but I figured that a woman’s biological clock would be ticking and she would make man hunting a priority. I just got a new higher paying job when I started dating. I didn’t own alimony or child support to my ex-wife. I rated somewhere between a 5-7 on a scale of 1-10 on Hot or Not depending on what photo I posted for ratings. I am tall and was within a normal weight range, but if you wanted to get picky, I may have carried a few extra pounds that I didn’t need. I had my own home and car. Needless to say, I felt that I was a good catch and my confidence was high.

But there were no words to describe how frustrated I was. Nothing was happening. Nothing! I was even trying some game principles at one point and hiring a marketing professional to write my profile. I logged into my dating profiles to find empty mailboxes while letters and other expressions of interest sent by me were being ignored and deleted without being read. Nobody picked me after speed dates either. Women in other venues were okay. Sometimes I’d get numbers only to be screened by voicemail. They’d never call back.

This graph gives a good reason why.

Gender ratios within the age range I was seeking to date.

Not only is it a sausage fest, but 25-35 is the worst possible age range to be dating in if your a man living in the US. Look at how large those blue dots are compared to the other age ranges! You can play around with the interactive map at the website to see for yourself. There’s simply too many men chasing after two few women. This age range also has a lot of bitter and jaded women. Any women in this age range that has any appeal has likely been through a divorce or being played in the dating scene when she was younger. So I had to cope with bad attitudes or a reserved defensive posture among the women that I did meet.

What do the women say?

Listening to too many women about relationships when I was younger is what contributed to my lack of success. I was trying to take them at their word but they really don’t know what they’re talking about.

Or they say asinine things like this:

Where have the men gone? Look at the gender ratios across the US. Men are everywhere!

In womanspeak, Hymowitz is actually asking, “Where are all the men that women want to date?”

“Want to date” is the key word here because some women actually notice the gender imbalance that should work in their favor but they respond to this by being picky (ie: unrealistic expectations). It strikes me as a self-defeating strategy as they spiral to the abyss of spinsterhood. Fortunately, men still have options abroad.

10 responses to “It’s a Woman’s World, Part I–Gender Ratios”

“No amount of feminist “consciousness raising” can change the fundamental reality of human nature. Casual sex is a game in which guys have a decisive advantage, and therefore any girl who plays that game is a fool. When so many young women are willing to play this foolish game, however, it produces a culture shift that hurts women:

“It’s rare for a woman of our generation to meet a man who treats her like a priority instead of an option,” wrote Erica Gordon on the Gen Y Web site Elite Daily, in 2014.
It is the very abundance of options provided by online dating which may be making men less inclined to treat any particular woman as a “priority,” according to David Buss, a professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin who specializes in the evolution of human sexuality. “Apps like Tinder and OkCupid give people the impression that there are thousands or millions of potential mates out there,” Buss says. “One dimension of this is the impact it has on men’s psychology. When there is a surplus of women, or a perceived surplus of women, the whole mating system tends to shift towards short-term dating. Marriages become unstable. Divorces increase. Men don’t have to commit, so they pursue a short-term mating strategy. Men are making that shift, and women are forced to go along with it in order to mate at all.”

Don’t get me wrong, I like Buss. He’s an evolutionary psychologist and I read a lot of his research.

The reason why there appears to be surplus women is because the women are chasing and outnumbering a preselected group of men. There are plenty of men that are willing to “treat a woman as a priority” but they get friend-zoned or labeled as creepy. There are some alphas at the top that get a lot of female attention so they feel little need to commit to one, so women that try to snag one do often get burned. It’s the abundance mentality that works in the alpha’s favor. So I understand the perception that there is a man shortage. But I assure you that there are many men that are literally starving for attention that would be willing to make a wife of some of these girls in a heartbeat, but they are literally not on the woman’s radar.

“But I assure you that there are many men that are literally starving for attention that would be willing to make a wife of some of these girls in a heartbeat, but they are literally not on the woman’s radar.”

Most average and below average American men are paired up with average and below average American women.

Paired up? What does that mean? Does this mean marriage or any ordinary hookup? If it’s ordinary hookups, then you might be right. If you’re talking about anything more permanent like a relationship or marriage, then no.

Even if you’re right, there will still be a significant amount of men that are unpaired. This will have a big effect on gender dynamics as women operate from an abundance mentality and men operate from a scarcity mentality.

The problem is that marriage rates have declined precipitously in recent decades. Both Dalrock and I have written about this using census data to back up our claims. The census data also states that for the first time in history, there are now more single than married in the US. Average age of first marriage is near 30. Also, 40% of children born in the US are out of wedlock.

If you can’t see a demographic crisis here, then I’m afraid you can’t understand the frustration of the American man. I don’t think men in America should be compelled to marry women who are purposely delaying marriage to check off their feminist check list while partying and getting knocked up. And there’s a good chance that they are overweight as well.

Foreign brides are a much better option for a man who still wishes to marry an attractive and faithful spouse.

OK but grass is greener philosophy. I come from a country where there is scant divorce and scant obesity and every man is guaranteed a wife through the arranged marriage system and I much prefer American women and the American relationship model of choosing your own partner(s), living together first (or forever) and delaying marriage and having the option to divorce without it becoming a scandal that renders you celibate for life because nobody wants a divorced partner.

Also Dalrock and company make it seems like most American men are partnerless. That’s just not true. Marriage may be declining but American men by and large are not lonely celibate virgins.

Being a foreigner might work for you in the US. You would be considered exotic and interesting. And this will give you an advantage in a highly competitive dating environment. This probably works for American men looking in other countries as well. So I don’t discount the phenomenon. But keep in mind that even foreigners seem to be fed up with American women. I write about it here:

Women know that there’s another man right around the corner that could be better than the one she’s with. While men may spend months or years between relationships. So women barely need to do anything in the relationship while men are jumping through hoops. Stay here long enough and you’ll see.

There are a lot of fat people here in the States, I’ll give you that. We also have fat people where I’m from but statistically wise, its considerably less although it appears we have a lot of them in certain areas.

The British expat may be fed up with American women because they are similar to British women. But American women and the women I grew up around are vastly different because the cultures are 100 percent opposite.

I don’t have an advantage of being the exotic foreigner although some guys from my country do – they are exceptionally good looking. An average FOB from my country here is at a disadvantage, a HUGE.disadvantage. Its been rough for me but as I adapt and assimilate, its gradually getting better.