Do you ever find yourself perturbed by the dearth of big booty hos on popular morning news-and-healthy-snack-recipe programs? So does Matt Lauer, apparently.

The Mirror reported Sunday that NBC plans to offer Pippa Middleton, the buttiful daughter of lowborn party planners, the chance to flap her gums about the royal family on television next year (for money — $600,000 in fact) under the title of Today show "royal correspondent."

The gig wouldn't require Pippa to divulge any intimate details about the royal family, like what Harry got for Christmas (an invisibility cloak) or how her sister Kate is feeling today (fine, Pippa, go away) because, obviously, as a rat-faced commoner, she's not privy to that kind of intelligence.

Instead, the job would find her covering generic stories related to British royalty in only the most removed of senses. "Coming to you from the Chelsea Flower Show, it's me, Pippa Middleton." "Here at the opening of Buckingham Palace, it's me, Pippa Middleton." "Reporting live from Pippa Middleton's ass, it's me, Pippa Middleton." Et cetera.

A spokesman for NBC said Monday that no offer had been made to Middleton but that she and dat ass are welcome as guests on Today "anytime."