Just for Laughs 2011: For Colin Quinn, the history of the world is exactly 75 minutes long

MONTREAL - The voice was softer and more muffled than the gravelly Brooklyn-ese accent we associate with comedian Colin Quinn.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” I ask him over the phone this week. “No, I’m just a bit sick. My throat is swollen. I’ve been off for two weeks. I only get sick when I’m not performing. But I’ll be fine for Friday and Saturday’s shows. I’m excited to come to Montreal. I’ve already been a couple of times. It’s a cliché to say it, but it’s one of those amazing cities with an international feel.”

Quinn, the Saturday Night Live alumnus many of us know best as the host of Weekend Update from 1998 to 2000, is bringing his acclaimed one-man show, Long Story Short, to the Just For Laughs comedy festival after a successful run on Broadway last year. Directed by close friend Jerry Seinfeld, the long story Quinn is making short is none other than the history of the world, ranging from the Greeks to Snooki, Karl Marx to Dr. Phil.

“The idea was to tell the history of the world, in 75 minutes, in a funny way,” Seinfeld has been quoted as saying, adding, “What I really love about this show is that you could be really bright, or really dumb and both groups of people would really like it.”

The primary focus is on the demise of Empires – Greek, Roman, British – and how they mirror the debauchery that continues to this day. Quinn’s tone is skeptical, often verging on cynical (“Right now the world has the atmosphere of a bar at 3:30 in the morning”) as he deciphers history and current events in his self-described rambling style. Quinn’s delivery is serious and focused. His take on events builds slowly, pensive one minute, laugh-out-loud hilarious the next.

He describes Caesar as the original mobster and compares the extravagance of St. Peter’s in the 15th century to a “Death Row Records release party from the ’90s.”

“The British,” he claims, “didn’t control with military might. They did it with something much more powerful: contempt. They tapped into people’s insecurities and low self-esteem. They would show up with polished swords pressed uniforms and say, ‘Really, this is where you live?’ And people would say ‘Clean up, the British are coming.’ ”

China is described as “one country, one people, one haircut,” and Africa, “like the hip-hop club around the block where the cops are afraid to go in and break things up.”

But if Quinn’s stand-up comes off as an ethnic slugfest, at least everyone is abused equally, including Americans and Australians (“God bless those alcoholics. They back us up in every war.”). He even takes on Canada, a country he says is “like the equivalent of a living room with the plastic on the furniture. Have you ever seen their flag? It’s a leaf. It’s like they’re not even trying.”

Quinn has been called the Everyman, the comedian’s comedian, and the guy at the bar you want to make friends with. But the comedian claims that’s not his persona. “I like that people find me accessible,” he says, “but I’m not just that guy. I like doing comedy about anything.”

The one topic Quinn doesn’t cover in Long Story Short is sex. “I don’t talk about it in my act,” says Quinn. “Sex is too easy, and a little bit of a cop-out. If it’s organic for you to do it, if it’s who you are, make it your whole thing. But it’s a lot harder to get laughs talking about the Crimean War. It’s also OK to make a point and not get a laugh.”

Understandably, the Seinfeld connection has been played up considerably, yet the question begs, what exactly can a director do to better a one-man stand-up show? “Everything,” answers Quinn. “Jerry throws himself into things, especially editing. The show was too long so we cut some dialogue. I could talk and write forever. But you have to get to the point. Get to the laughs. And he’s always getting me to slow down. He wants to hear every line. And the show keeps evolving. The more we change, the better it feels.”

With a similar rambling delivery and focus on global issues, it comes as little surprise that Quinn’s an admirer of English comedian Eddie Izzard. “He has this interesting style. His delivery is gentle, with a lot of love. And he’s really, really funny.” Other comedy idols include George Carlin and Richard Pryor of whom Quinn says, “I can’t believe I’m doing the same thing as them.” But when the name Monty Python comes up he’s hardly as enthusiastic. “A lot of my friends like them, but it never worked for me. I heard John Cleese came to my show, and walked right out at the end.”

Quinn’s comedy entourage is extensive and he revels in the camaraderie, saying, “it’s great to be a stand-up around other stand-ups. But it’s lonely, too, because everyone is by themselves working in other cities. A stand-up is one person, just you. You’re alone most of the time. But when you’re all together at places like the festival, you realize what an industry of big mouths this is.”

Speaking of mouths, how will Quinn’s voice be faring for Friday’s show? “I’ll be fine,” he says, “There’s no homoeopathy around here. I have a showbiz doctor. He says show me your a-- and gives me all the shots – as well as a huge bill.”

Colin Quinn – Long Story Short, runs Friday and Saturday at 7 p.m. at Cinquième Salle of Place des Arts. Tickets are $37.64. For tickets and information, visit hahaha.com or call 514-

845-2322.

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Just for Laughs 2011: For Colin Quinn, the history of the world is exactly 75 minutes long

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