Pamela Anderson and Julian Assange’s leaky love affair

Former Playboy model and swimsuit-clad floatation aide Pamela Anderson is, reportedly, staying in with WikiLeaks founder, Julian Assange. You wonder if being indoors at the Ecuadorean embassy in London since 2012 has dulled Assange’s taste buds and ambitions. The story goes that Assange knew Anderson was the girl for him when she delivered a vegan cheeseburger and Pret a Manger nibbles.

So are they dating? It’s hard to tell. No-one’s leaked any emails between them – Julian, one rule for you, eh… – so Pammy has been forced to speak to the Press. She told Grazia: “It’s very difficult to talk about when you’re under surveillance” – otherwise know as talking to a magazine. “He’s a great guy,” added Pam, speaking clearly into the hidden microphone. “I don’t want to say anything about whether there’s a romance. So, let’s say we’re just good friends.”

Julian’s been talking, too, telling Australian radio: “I mean, I like her, she’s great… I’m not going to go into the private details… She’s an attractive person with an attractive personality… She’s no idiot at all – she’s psychologically very savvy.”

What we want, of course, is for the love to bloom and marriage to erupt; for the couple to tie the knot and step out on to the balcony and toss something fragrant into the crowd, like a sex tape or one of Pammy’s half-eaten vegetarian baps.