Trauma

Cheeks as crimson as the first blush of love, eyes alive with a sparkle that’d put diamonds to shame, scarlet lips trembling with excitement like the dewdrop on the rhododendron leaf…..A dream in white, decked up in pearls, lace and satin. She’s the most beautiful bride in the world….and probably the happiest. The spring in her step, as she walks, is unmistakable and the glow that lights up her body is as ethereal as her presence itself. Her face reflects the love I’ve always wanted to see... and it hurts all the more to realize it ain’t for me. Today I’m gonna lose her forever.…to the man she loves. All around me, I see happy faces…people preparing for her wedding, oblivious to my pain. I’ve cried my heart out in the comfort of the dark yesterday. She must have mistaken my tears for raindrops, for it had rained heavily last night.

I can never forget the late autumn afternoon he had walked in....as if out of the blue. I looked at his face searchingly, hoping to find clues to his identity. There were none. Somehow, I realized he held a special place in her life. I tried my best to shake off the uneasy feeling that gnawed at my heart the moment he kissed her hand. I was a silent spectator, as they walked together in the garden, hand in hand, their silhouettes glowing in the rays of the dying sun. She offered a few words of introduction, as they walked past me. He seemed to look at me in mock amusement. A brief, almost imperceptible nod was all I could manage.

I remember how feeble I had grown, as a result of some disease that had gripped my body those days. People said I was gonna die, but she refused to believe it. So great was my faith in the faith she had in me, that I fought back. I had to survive, for her…And she took great care of me. She would sit by my side for hours , talking….until I could no longer hear what she was saying. All that poured into my ears was her voice, as soft as the chime of church-bells . It healed me faster than anything else could. I survived….and I prospered.
There were so many things I wanted to share with her. Damn! I was never more conscious of my inability to speak! But I did respond to her.....in my own little ways...and she seemed happy with my silent gestures of affection.

I still hold close to my heart the shriek of pleasure she had given out the first time I gifted her some flowers, as a token of my gratitude for her. Deep inside, I knew it was more than gratitude. Those flowers were nourished on my love and hence, the most precious gift a girl could receive. She had jumped in joy at the sight of them, but had somehow, failed to grasp the message their vibrant red color had tried to convey. No wonder, she chose his diamond ring over them.
You can imagine the pain I felt when I saw her offer him a bouquet of roses….they were the same flowers I had given her! I was in shock but refused to cringe. She tossed me a smile…..and I held all my thorns within me…till they pierced my heart. I was happy I could be of some use to her. My existence had not gone to waste.

It’s just a matter of a few hours before he comes and takes her away. I don’t know when I’ll see her next... if at all, I will. I can’t bear to see her leave, I don’t think I have the strength to survive the trauma I am going through. I wanna escape….I wanna run away from it all! But I can’t! My limitations have got me trapped. God! How helpless I feel! I wish I could break free! I curse the goddamn roots that keep me bound to the soil, all the freakin’ time!