My dad taught me how to tie my shoelaces when I was, oh, four or something like that. He taught me the “Two Loop Shoelace Knot” and I remember my kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Shoemaker (I swear, that was her name), telling me I did it wrong. I asked her why, since it worked. She couldn’t answer me and just left me alone after that. That method stood me in good stead through all the years of saddle oxfords at school (we didn’t wear sneakers to school back then. At least not a Catholic school) and Keds at home. I still tie them with this method.

According to this guy, a better, faster way than the two-loop way is “Ian’s Fast Shoelace Knot,” which looks plausible so I will try it. And for those who have slippery knots (why do they bother with laces like that? I’ve never figured that one out), there’s his “Ian’s Secure Shoelace Knot.”

Yes, indeed, a worthy waste of time. One of Ian’s Google links is to a no-tie shoelace, which look like they might be good for little kids or people who have trouble because of arthritis or something. More interesting than velcro and they don’t get all those nasty cat hairs and dusty bits in them that velcro does.