Stephen Lynch-Live at the El Rey DVD

Iâ€™m a really big fan of comedian-singer Stephen Lynch. Iâ€™ve been a fan ever since I saw his Comedy Central special.

Lynch is known for his well-crafted songs, which will make you laugh, and sometimes theyâ€™ll also make you wince and grimace.

If you donâ€™t like songs about superheroes, best friends, Dungeons & Dragons, the Special Olympics, foreign taxi drivers, killing kittens, ulgy newborn babies, or priests who REALLY like altar boys, Stephen Lynch may not be for you.

Recently, he released a live performance DVD called, Live at the El Rey and itâ€™s much better than the Comedy Central special. Itâ€™s better because unlike basic cable television, with DVDs there are no FCC regulations.

As inmate #55170-054 in West Virginia would say, â€œItâ€™s a good thing.â€

Besides his live performance, the DVD also contains the mandatory bonus material, which consists of more performances in other comedy clubs, skits, and a video tour diary. One of the great things about the DVD is the abundance of previously unreleased material. There are six songs on the DVD that werenâ€™t released on Lynchâ€™s two albums, A Little Bit Special and Superhero.

Now comedians like Lynch, Adam Sandler, and Jimmy Fallon, inspired me at one point in my life to become a singing comedian. Unfortunately, there were some slight problems with that idea. (1) I donâ€™t own a guitar. (2) I donâ€™t know how to play guitar. (3) I have a tremendous fear of speaking in front of people. (4) Whenever I attempt to sing, my voice cracks like Iâ€™m going through puberty again.

However, before I realized that I didnâ€™t have a musically inclined bone in my body, I actually ended up writing a song. Below was my attempt at comedic stardom.

Beer Goggles

I see a beautiful girl from across the bar.
I feel compelled to find out who you are.
Iâ€™m nervous, afraid, and not of your league.
Could you be the woman of my dreams?

I slide across the room to get a closer view.
It took awhile because I had more than a few.
I sit so close that I could smell her perfume,
Sheâ€™s got to be the hottest babe in the room.

Whatâ€™s your name? Whatâ€™s your sign?
Or shall I just use some lame pickup line.
But when you turn around and look my way,
I try hard to keep in the feelings I want convey.

I thought I would be your Romeo, and youâ€™d be my Juliet.
My beer goggles hid from me a face Iâ€™d like to forget.
You were good from a far, but far from good,
My beer goggles made me think you could,
Be the one Iâ€™ve been searching for all my life,
But your breath doesnâ€™t smell quite right.

Your fake eyelashes look like Venus Fly Traps,
Is that hair coming out from between your rack?
Your three nipples are pointing in different directions.
Are you scratching because of STDs or yeast infections?

Your mole made you look like Cindy Crawford I guess,
But now you look like the Wicked Witch of the West.
I didnâ€™t notice the mustache you have until now,
But I guess it really goes well with your unibrow.

Is that a gap or are you missing your front teeth?
Why does it suddenly smell like sweaty feet?
Is your wooden leg the reason for your crutch?
Why did that guy just ask you how much?

I thought I would be your knight in shining armor,
But you looked much, much better when you were farther.
You were good from a far, but far from good,
My beer goggles made me think you could,
Be the one Iâ€™ve been searching for all my life,
But I donâ€™t have $50 to take you home tonight.

You’ve been a wonderful audience. Thank you and good night!

Item: Stephen Lynch-Live at the El Rey DVDPurchase Price: $10.49 (Amazon)Rating: 5 out of 5Pros: Really funny. Many unreleased songs.Cons: Never became a singing comedian, which maybe a good thing. If you are easily offended, this is not for you.