OK, so now there's this new Highlander guy who's on the TV show, and so they've now inserted him into the entire Highlander history, making him Christopher Lambert's best friend all along. I guess we just didn't notice him in all the other ones.

So, anyway, there can apparently be only one. There's all these immortal guys. They fight each other an awful lot, but they can only kill each other if they cut each other's head off. When they cut each other's heads off, they absorb the headless guy's power. Neat, huh? There's one guy who's cut off, like 600 heads. He's bad. There's two other guys who haven't cut off half as many. They're friendly. The two friendly guys fight the bad guy. Confused yet? I sure was.

This is, I think, the 4th Highlander, but there's also a TV series, so I don't know if they count as, like, half-sequels. This sequel is notable because it combines the characters from the first three movies with the characters from the TV show. Of course, in order to do this, they had to insert the main TV show guy into the whole "Highlander" history. This, of course, makes no sense, because they want us to believe that the TV show guy was the movie guy's best friend all through history, yet somehow they've forgotten to mention him through all the movies.

(The above information was obtained by my friend Craig, who has seen all the movies. He liked this movie. He's an idiot.)

I was interested for the first 15 minutes. Then the previews ended and the movie started. From that point, I was not interested. It wasn't that I couldn't follow the plot. I asked questions liberally throughout, and by the half-hour mark, I think I had the plot pretty down pat. The problem was: The plot sucked. The actors sucked. The special effects sucked. My legs were cold.

Maybe I just don't "get" the Highlander series. Maybe there's nothing to get. There's nothing to it other than swordfighting, and there wasn't even much of that in this episode. There were too many flashbacks, perhaps to establish the new TV guy as part of the series (which, as we mentioned earlier, made no sense - it's roughly the equivalent of George Lucas releasing a New Edition of Star Wars with constant flashbacks of Han Solo hanging out with Jar Jar), and neither Christopher Lambert or Adrian Paul (the movie guy and the TV guy, respectively) have enough charisma to be a supporting character, let alone a star. The villain has the acting ability of cabbage.

This movie was long, boring, and it had some nudity. But not enough.

I can only wait for "Highlander 5" with a rapping dog, who was there since the beginning. And then he fights an evil dog, because...there can be only one dog.