How wonderfully macabreDid you read about the two drunken Scottish teenagers who broke into a tomb, took the skull inside and used it like a ventriloquist's dummy (a "glove puppet") before tossing it aside with boredom? That is so wrong, but just the slightest bit hilarious.

DesertedMost of my office is away at a conference right now, and on my particular floor, I am the lone person here. It's is very odd. I went to a breakfast event this morning where I drank too much coffee and tried to nod and cluck knowingly when everyone around me discussed the price of beef and ethynol and other farm issues. I did learn from one woman who ranches in Wyoming that the popularity of low-carb diets (particuarly Adkins) has been treating the beef industry well. I couldn't help but be kind of amused when the guest senator stood and gave a speech about farming issues, and I understood about 20% of what he said, but still nodded along. I feel like such a lame city person when around many of the people who work with my organization.

Anyway, I'm taking advantage of the empty office to listen to a little music without headphones and sing along. It's going to be a loooong day, though. This coffee makes me want to run around the building about thirty times.

Sunday, April 25, 2004

Softshoe and a showWhat fun: Friday was Margaret Cho at the Improv and lots and lots of wine and Saturday was Anne "It's my birthday!" D's birthday party. As we walked with her back to her house and my car that night, Anne found some grates, and was moved to do a little "It's my birthday!" softshoe routine on top of them. The ending position was not quite using jazz hands, but almost. Needless to say, it was awesome. I hope for an encore at some point.

I'm a bit ashamed that I didn't head out to the Mall to join the Pro-choice protests today, but Des, Bryan, and James were there representing! James even promised to "cause an altercation" for me: I hope for results on the local news tonight! Yesterday was the IMF/World Bank protests--I'm sure that there were a lot of paper mache puppets.

Oh my gah. Apparently, this guy is New York is starting a private club for young minority professionals and to ensure plenty of marriage material:

Women could join the Harlem Club, too. But only as associate members. And they had to be 35 or younger, unmarried, childless, college educated and willing to submit a head-to-toe photograph, to prevent unattractive women from making the cut.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

So happy i'm sickI tell this in honor of Anne's birthday, since I know she LOVES Spike-misbehaving stories so.

The other night, Spike, my roommate's oftentimes challenging and imposing tabby, sat his usual watch by the window waiting for Matt to come home. Since Matt spends about half the week away with his girlfriend, Spike is usually worked up into quite a froth of excitement when his beloved owner returns. Anyway, that particular evening, I was sitting on the couch to hear Spike start to meow loudly, plaintively, and particularly urgently. Matt had just pulled in and Spike spied him from the window. Spike kept up the meowing, as Matt opened the car door, and I could hear Matt call up to him, assuring him that he was coming in soon. Spike then leapt off the back of the couch, to work his way toward the door to greet Matt when he stopped plumb in the middle of our little living room. And he threw up. A lot. So, Matt walked into the door to see his cat throwing up on the carpet. Spike was so excited to see Matt, he had to vomit. I believe that James' cat does kind of the same thing, as he mentions in past blog entries. The whole scenario was actually kind of endearing.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Birthday colorsThis is too fun: Pantone has created birthday colorstrology. Each month has a color, and then go down to each day from there. My birthday, December 25th, has the color hunter green.

About me, they say:

You were born with a nice mixture of intuition and practicality. It is important for you to feel financially secure and grounded. No amount of wealth, status, or acheivement will be enough if you have not cultivated the spiritual side of nature...Hunter green reminds you to stay connected to the spiritual side of life and helps calm any financial or mundane worries you may feel.

That's very fitting considering how I've talked everyone's ear off lately about fear of tuition costs next year. I guess I better get some hunter green in my life. (via pcjm)

Drag Queen BingoLast night I finally went to drag queen bingo in DC with my friend, Annie, and two of her friends (one man visiting from NY and her friend, Leslie, who is this very cool lady who's Annie's priest [!], and funnily enough was one of the starting members of the chapter of my sorority at William and Mary--got all that?). I highly recommend this as a Tuesday night activity in DC, since:
1.) it's free!
2.) they play lots of fun music conducive to dancing in one's chair
3.) there are floor shows and many outfit changes
4.) lots of fun prizes
5.) noisemakers and mini tambourines
Go early to get a seat, though, since we arrived a little late so had to sit off of the main floor and needed to lean around a pillar to check out all of the action.

Besides the bingo, they also had a Jeopardy like game, which even included buzzers, electronic scores, and colored lights. Annie was a contestant at one point. There were some hard hitting questions like "what is the first name of Jessica Simpson's husband?" but Annie plowed through and won. Her prize was a $20 gift certificate to next week's drag queen bingo. How fabulous!

I was also very impressed by the wide spectrum of people there--it was very inclusive of all orientations, races, ages, singles and married, etc. Next to our table was a table full of guys who looked like they were regular Nascar viewers as well (you know the type: baseball caps, reddish complexions, hemmed jean shorts, etc), but they were hooting and hollering along with everyone else.

As you may know, our office is across the way from a consulting firm. Our office is like the Ford Escort to their Lexus. They're all redone and brightly lit with modern furniture and shiny signs and our office is small and very, very blue. Since we're the offshoot of the main office, we don't even have a real sign--my cube neighbor printed out a piece of paper with the organization name on it to tape outside our door. Nice, right?
ANYWAY...the consulting firm is populated with many khaki wearing young professionals in polo shirts. There is one fellow who is particularly smiley and friendly. Twice now, when I've walked to the elevators which face their glass front doors, he's been walking by and breaks into a smile and waves vigorously. Startled, I would wave back. 'Okay,' I think each time, 'now since we recognize eachother, we're going to be SAY HI types.' I'm on this level with all the building guys and some workout room people as well.

But then, both times, the next morning I would step into the elevator to get to work and discover that this smiley guy was there and we would ignore eachother. Today this happened again and we were the only people in the elevator and we ride all the way up to the 11th floor! I know, I could just as well say something, but I freeze up and follow suit in those kinds of situations! Very puzzling.

Monday, April 19, 2004

Hot!Grace, NYC denizen who spies celebrities by the hoardes without even trying (now that's a super power), is passing along her celebrity sightings for me to post. Grace, you do indeed know the way to my heart. Here's the latest from an email today:

Today I saw Jane Adams (she played a small part in
Eternal Sunshine) today shopping around SoHo with a friend. I overheard her
saying, "...something something Brandy Alexanders all night something..."
No wonder she was looking all haggard and tired.

HilariousNewsweek also featured this. An American company (Binh Bags, or something like that) added to the washing directions on their bags, in French: We are sorry that our president is an idiot. We didn't vote for him. Newsweek added that the Mr. Binh, the owner of the company is responding that of course he's talking about himself, the president of the bag company.

The article about it cracks me up. This portion explains the plot of one of the books, Walter the Farting Dog: Trouble at the Yard Sale:

The ridiculous plot goes thusly: A man buys Walter from his olfactorily tortured master for $10 at a garage sale and harnesses the dog's formidable tooting talents for evil. Walter, having been attached to a "fart-catcher," is force-fed beans (the musical fruit) and made to fill balloons with his noxious fumes, thus creating near-lethal weapons to be strategically deployed via pin-popping during the course of a bank robbery. Walter, a friendly and charitable pooch, is hugely dismayed by his predicament. Not to worry, though. In the end, all's resolved and he returns home a hero, ready to fart again (and again and again) in his forthcoming third romp, Rough Weather Ahead.

Ali Mahan?I went with my dad to meet Ali yesterday! As expected, Ali was a sweet, laid back orange tabby. He was big but lacked the bulk of my roommate's kitty. He was a lean, mean, snoozing machine. Anyway, he seemed a bit wary of us, and hid on top of the fridge, but he came down at one point to sniff around and see what we had to offer. I think my dad is interested, and is in the midst of making his decision over adopting a cat. I already told him that I think that it would be a good idea, and can already picture my dad outside gardening with Ali lying closeby, on his back, napping in the sun.

Friday, April 16, 2004

Celebrating Songkran seems like fun to meAccording to the BBC's caption, "Songkran, the Thai traditional New Year, is celebrated with water splashing, a symbol of cleansing and renewal." Sign me up, especially in warm weather. Check out this picture! (Suzi gets the love for finding this and passing it on).

Friday and GorgeousIt's an unbelievably lovely day here in DC. 68 and sunny, after a week of dreary rain. I think everyone is about to burst. I also had dinner with Anne last night where she made a chicken pistachio salad (recipe from the SBD book) and it was fricking unbelievable. Find the book, find the recipe, and make it.

Heavily ArmedSo Carrie, aforementioned erstwhile friend, is in Jakarta now, employed at the UN (how sexy is that?) and she had sent a little anecdote a couple of days ago that tickled me. I asked her permission to post to this blog, and she allowed, so here it is:

What up with me…. More Jakarta life. Am sitting here at my desk and I do have to go and start looking productive soon. But you will get a kick out of this:

There is a section here called the “Conflict prevention and recovery unit” that does stuff in small arms and I have no idea what else. They all have short, dyed hair and look fierce, however. Then recently they sent around a questionnaire. This was so they could collect the impressions of people in the office about small arms. One of the pages has all these pictures of weapons on it. Huge, black pictures. The weapons include: rifles, assault rifles, rocket propelled grenade launchers, sniper rifles, something called a MAN PAD!! (Does Tampax know about this?) a hand grenade. Absolutely hysterical. Then there is this question under all the photos, which I misread to read:

“Which of these weapons have you seen and how often do you use them?”

Are you kidding!?!?

I was rolling in the hallways for days over this one. Absolutely. And then someone pointed out that it was actually “how often do you **see** them” and I thought that was somewhat less funny, but still worth a chuckle.

Living in Jakarta, though a rough town, I can’t say I’ve seen too many rocket propelled grenade launchers. But hey! Thanks for asking!!

Thursday, April 15, 2004

This article is about how some not in-the-know take the Onion's news as the real thing, and it cites that excellent occurrence from a few years back when the Beijing Evening News cribbed an Onion story about Congress refusing to meet unless it got a new Capitol building with a retractable roof. The best part is that at first the BEN demanded proof that it wasn't true before retracting it.

Grabbag ThursdayIn the past couple of weeks, I've gotten back in touch with two erstwhile friends, which is nice: Mike and Carrie. It's nice to see them each back in the old email Inbox. I expressed my fears to Carrie about moving to a cold city and she suggested that I get myself back to Beijing, hit the Russian market, and purchase a big, fat fur coat on the cheap. SWEET. I would be classing up Chicago!

I've been writing back and forth with Don this morning about newspaper horoscopes. He likes to pick and choose between the Washington Post and the Express to see which ones he likes better, but I don't like either because they're invariably bad. For example, the horoscope for Capricorn today in the Express is:

You will be thanked for doing something for another that came very naturally to you. How much you'd accomplish if you worked harder.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Bizarro WorldAt my work today, we're having an internal auction to raise money for the organization. People cleaned out their garages, houses, etc, and brought whatever was salvagable to be auctioned off. The auction is by video conference between DC and Chicago and it's a loooong affair. There is some neat stuff (a weekend at any Hilton in Chicago), some good stuff (Cubs tickets), some random stuff (a coat hanger holder?), and some odd (a Jesse Ventura governor action figure doll).

My boss's boss who is this very tasteful, stylish man, showed his team spirit by engaging in a heated bidding war over a Precious Moments figurine. He paid $70 for it. When they announced him the winner, he said "Now that truly is a precious moment."

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Who is that with Jeremy?This web site is totally intriguing: a dad catalogued lots and lots of pictures of baby Jeremy posing with various celebrities, often in and around NYC. I swear to God, I've never seen a more beatific baby than this one. He seemed to be the most ecstatic about hanging out with Clifford the Big Red Dog, though. (via tmn)

VagabondingIf you have time to kill and are feeling that armchair traveler urge, check out the website vagabonding which details one dude's year-long trip around the world.

Here he gives recipes from his cooking course in Chiang Mai, Thailand. Suzi and I did one and it was awesome. You get an apron and a sweet little stove top with all of the prepped ingredients that you basically just mix together and cook. Fool proof, pretty much. The best part is that you make like six dishes and they you sit around and eat them! Mmmm.

Creating dependency like crazyThis article is about how Starbucks coffee has twice as much caffeine as a cup of Folgers, to the surprise of noone. I have been trying to drink half-caf drinks lately, but one afternoon recently I very stupidly purchased a regular iced coffee from Starbucks as a little pick-me-up. I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest. Never would I have thought that I would reach the day when caffeine would be too stimulating. As an interesting aside, the author of this article attended my work's conference this past November, as he will be writing an article about one of our state projects.

For more coffee news, our old college workplace, Baskin-Robbins apparently has a speciality flavor called Dunkin Donuts Coffee ice cream (I know that Des would love this the most). YUM. I remember when we wanted to stay up all night studying, we would prepare and extra strong BR cappuccino blast. I still love those things.

Did you know that Jerri Blank, the snaggle-toothed middle-aged high schooler in Strangers with Candy is based on a character named Florrie Fisher? From what I can gather, she's a character in a 1970 anti-drug movie. (via sharpeworld)

HopeMy parents are in for the cat! Well, to be specific, my dad is in and my mom is resigned, which is about the best that you're going to get. My dad and I are going to try to meet Ali at his foster mom's house. It will take all I have not to snatch him away at my first chance.

Surprise "Mashed Potatoes"I made the South Beach diet fake mashed potatoes on Sunday night. They're basically pureed cauliflower with a little fat-free half and half and a couple of sprays of I can't believe it's not butter. Sounds delish, right? I will tell you that you can't tell that they're not potatoes when they're sitting the bowl, and the taste was as you would expect, but of course a sad comparison to the real thing. The best part about the whole endeavor for me was to offer some to my little brother without telling him it's true ingredients and watching him grimace in disgust. Hee. Needless to say, the surprise Mashed Potatoes was the loneliest bowl on the dinner table.

Sunday, April 11, 2004

Home for EasterI'm lounging at home this morning before becoming slaving over the stove. My mom has put me in charge of all of the carb-heavy side dishes for dinner--stuffing and mashed potatoes. SBD Hell.

I did realize that I am my mother's daughter this morning, though. As I was sitting at the breakfast table, drinking my coffee, reading the news and minding my own business, my mom said to me "something happened this morning that will gross you out." There was an actual emphasis on 'gross' and there was a tinge of relish in that statement.

She then went on to tell me that when she walked into the bathroom, she found a mouse floating in the toilet bowl. At my howls, she started cackling. I would have loved getting a reaction from that as well.

But the exciting news is that my parents have succumbed and are considering getting a cat. I offered to jump up right then and there to check out the shelters with them, but I think they were a little put off by my enthusiasm, and my mom started yelling "we have to think about this!" We're so going to go next week, though. One cat has already caught my eye. I went to the Northern Virginina SPCA web site and they have a cat for adoption named Ali. He is a big affectionate orange tabby, and he got his name because he used to hang around a local mosque and visit with the people there. How cute is that? If my parents decide they don't want to have a cat, Ali can come with me to Chicago. Kristin and Ali, making it together in a new city: I can see it now.

Saturday, April 10, 2004

Factcheck.orgThis is an interesting website that is non-profit and non-partisan. I just scanned through it, and it seems to be okay, but I'm not sure how on the money they are. Plus, there is so much out there for them to chew on, that I was expecting tons of items. Perhaps they're spending all of their time researching this stuff instead.

Misunderstood Kanji charactersThis is an article in the Chicago Tribune that shows random tattoos found on Chicagoans of Japanese characters, comparing what they think that tattoos mean, and what they actually mean. Awesome.

This one is my favorite:
What he thinks his tattoos say: "Love hurts."
What they actually say: The meanings of the two tattoos roughly translate to "love" and "it hurts." They'd never be used together, however, and they appear to say "love -- OW!" or "I love this tattoo but it was painful to get."

Friday, April 09, 2004

Freaky but addictiveHave you guys seen the Subservient Chicken? The amateur production values freak me out a little, but it's kind of ingenius. I made him dance, watch tv, scratch himself, shake his wings, etc, and he did it all. However, I also asked him to "do the busstop" (the dance, you know it), and I think it confused him, as he then got onto the ground and rolled around. I don't know what's going on there, but you guys try and tell me what you made him do.

When Animals AttackStories about incorrigable animals get me everytime. This story about a very tenacious otter and the Dartmouth crew team cracks me up. This tale especially goes out to Anne and Erik, the rowers in my life. The highlights:

The otter promptly began to lunge and hiss viciously at the coaches, who frantically used paddles and a megaphone to try to force the animal out of the boat. After a short battle, the two parties reached a standoff – the hissing and glaring otter in the stern of the boat, the coaches armed and ready for action in the middle.

Suddenly, the otter attacked again. As the otter lunged over the bench in the stern, Armstrong swiftly used his paddle to flip the animal into the river.

The otter's aggression, however, did not end there. Shortly after the otter had returned to shore, the animal jumped back into the river, swimming directly toward the second varsity boat that was in the process of turning around. The boats immediately fled. (via the obst)

"Vice-Cream"This article is about the big to-do on Vodka flavored ice cream bars being eaten by kids in Australia. They had Magnums in China and they were pretty much like Dove Bars, except with milk chocolate on top. I know: blissful, but rich and will easily dominate you. I recall at one point Clarence said that he would be willing to try to eat three consecutively in one sitting. It never happened, unfortunately, but I was always eager to watch.

ThursdayEveryone is listening to the Condi Rice hearings right now, which is very exciting, what with the raucous applause and Senator Kerrey's (sp?) repeated referrals to Condi as "Dr. Clarke" and her snippy response to it. I'm a little sad that it's coming to its end.

It's Out!William Hung's record debut is out, and to noone's surprise, it's rather painful to the ear. This article describes the slow to non-existent sales of it. I like this part of the article:

At Tower Records on Durant Avenue, about 50 of Hung's CDs occupy prime real estate -- the top shelf of the rack by the cash register, above discs by Modest Mouse, ABBA, Johnny Cash and Blondie. But they were off to a slow start, with three sales in the first hour. Robert Carvalho, a playground supervisor from El Sobrante, bought all three. He said they were for his daughters.

"I'm sure I'll laugh at the CD when I hear it,'' he said. "And he'll be laughing, too, with my $30.''

Finally, a tasteful commercialI saw another one of the new United Airlines ads last night featuring fantastic animation. I have to hand it to them, their new ad campaign is great and I am played like a guitar ('Oh, United has good taste, so I want to fly their airline!'). I saw their first of these ads on Oscar night. It kicked the hell out of all the overrated dreck that was on Superbowl Sunday.

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

You Learn Something New Every DayDid you know that Crips wish eachother "Happy C-Day" on their birthdays because they avoid the letter 'B' at all costs, as it's associated with the Bloods? This is the kind of stuff that I picked up from this article on the ins and outs of prison greeting cards.

CelebrationAmazon sent me an email notifying me that The Office Season 2 is out on DVD Stateside later this month, I'm very excited. In the spirit of things, here's a link to Ricky Gervais explaining UK slang. (via tmn)

Monday, April 05, 2004

Amazing Race UpdateBrace yourself, fans of this hopelessly underrated show, because apparently two of the contestants on this summer's version is going to be Alison, from the last Big Brother season, and her boyfriend. I loathe her. Why do they feel that they need to besmirch the show and the rest of the world with her presence?

"Yngwie the Axe Grinder"Last Saturday was the night that my parents took Erik and his friend to see Yngwie Malmsteen at Jaxx in Baltimore. I was waiting for baited breath for their reaction to the show. My dad had reservations about seeing it, but my mom was excited for it, since she wanted to attend a rock and roll show. First of all, though, thanks to Don who sent me the Washington Post's review of the show (the title of this post is cribbed from the review), which was hilarious. Some of the highlights:

Cockiness is as crucial a component of the typical heavy metal star's arsenal as overdriven Marshall stacks. Yngwie Malmsteen, a guitar hero straight out of Central Casting, came to Jaxx on Friday with an overabundance of both.

Malmsteen didn't become an idol to generations of suburban dirtballs for nothing. The 40-year-old Swede has, as the players say, chops....

Dressed in a loose-fitting, low-hanging black satin shirt that looked like something from the Steven Seagal Collection, Malmsteen showed hilariously little feeling for members of his band. His first words into the microphone came halfway through his two-hour set, when he upbraided drummer Patrik Johannsen for "missing a [expletive] cue!"

The writer's name is Dave McKenna. Mr. McKenna, whoever you are, you slay me.

Anyway, shockingly, my parents almost enjoyed the show! They were put out since they found Jaxx to be more of a biker bar, and they got there at 6:30 or something and had to stand around till 8 , when the doors opened. There were two opening bands, and Yngwie didn't come on till 11. Erik and his friend immediately ditched them to go and stand by the stage, but my parents hung back away from the noise and people watched. Apparently, there were many people there ("suburban dirtballs"?) who were wearing very little. My dad spotted a woman who was apparently very overweight who wore tight pants with a big hole in the butt. Why the hole? Because she wanted to display her tattoo. My mom surmised that perhaps this was "because her boyfriend wanted her to show it off."

Saturday, April 03, 2004

HeatedLast night I attended an ever-so-fun Game Night, where there was much Boggle, Pictionary, and Trivial Pursuit played. I like Boggle and TP, but I live for Pictionary. Mellow I am in all other area of my life, but Pictionary turns me into someone loud and obnoxious who is prone to slapping five an excessive amount of times. I am that person. My cockles were particularly raised during one moment of the evening when the word was "you," it was an All Play, and I was drawing. All Plays make me frantic. I drew blobby people, one pointing at himself and pointing at another person. Yeah, I don't know. Anyway, Anne, one of my outstanding teammates, said something like "You look just like me." I threw my pen down in victory and started celebrating, but was greeted with the protests from other players. I had always played by the rules that as long as the person said the word in question, all was settled, but the majority opinion is that people would have to specifically pick out what word we were getting at. I like it my way better. Anyway, Anne, Sandy, and I still managed to win after all of that drama. I woke up this morning feeling sheepish, not because I acted foolishly from too much drink but because of my poorly disguised Pictionary hubris.

Friday, April 02, 2004

Yawning with the PresidentJames recounted the Late Show/CNN scandal in his blog recently, and Salon just recently had an AP headline about titled "CNN red-faced over Letterman error." Check out the dad's spin job about his son's yawning, checking of the watch, etc, behind the President:

The truth was: The White House never complained, and the footage was real.

So is the lad: 13-year-old Tyler Crotty, son of Orange County Chairman and Bush supporter Rich Crotty. As the elder Crotty explained Thursday, Tyler was so excited about the prospect of seeing the president he couldn't sleep the night before.

"The Thinking Woman's Sex Symbol": Newsfox reprisedJon Stewart's Fame Audit. I didn't know that he proposed to his wife in a NY Times crossword! Jon, you had me at hello. My future husband will have to propose to me via a TV Guide crossword if he had any hopes of me completing the damn thing.
(Ms. Anne gives her own whatup to John in her blog today too!)

NewsfoxesI've been having an email exchange with Steve in Madison over the term "newsfox." It's a term coined by his wife, and apparently she used it in reference to Ann Curry who was in her building, reporting on the faked kidnapping of the UW student (crazy story, that).

"Newsfox," he informed me, "is not gender-specific."

He also posed this question: "Does Brian Williams' (NBC) head look like Silly Putty that has lain in half its 'eggshell' for too long? It just looks like one side of his face has been pressed into a very large spoon." I've never noticed myself, but any opinions out there?

Friday afternoonSo sleepy, battling food coma. Friday afternoons are really the most excruciating things since it's like you can basically taste the weekend around the corner. I, for one, taste a nap. Anyway, I've referenced the Washington Post's free daily before, but this morning I ran across their "Speak Up" column in the back. I don't know if their staff people write for it or if they purport to try to find Everyday Washingtonians, but I've noticed a couple of different people in the pictures that are featured by the columns. They haven't impressed me too much in the past, but I liked the one today called "Call of the Child" by a guy named Dan Miller (a fellow W&M alumni, apparently!) who writes about how there seems to be a growing number of little ones around. I won't go into detail, but I've got to crib one particularly evocative portion of it that I thought was great:

I mean, sure, I like babies. They have fun, fat little cheeks and I like how they're equally likely to shriek or laugh at the sight of everyday objects. They're also infinitely weird--with their macaroni-like fingers and gurgling, grapefruit-sized heads (heads so heavy their necks sag under the weight). They're people, only smaller. And they don't know anything.

Clarence always wondered why I love kids in their fat infant stages: he felt that they are like bland, shapeless "amoebas," but I feel like that passages captures what I find so alluring about babies. The fatter, the better as far as I'm concerned.