Sunday, May 21, 2006

I've never understood the concept of the celebrity lookalike agency. I mean I understand what they do as a business - hire people who look like famous people and then send them to parties and things. But what I don't get is WHO BOOKS THESE PEOPLE IN THE FIRST PLACE? What nobhead decides to throw a party and then thinks "Wow, wouldn't it be COOL if Robbie Williams could come? Aww but I don't have his number. I KNOW - I'll invite someone who LOOKS like Robbie Williams - that'll be great!"

At any rate, these agencies exist all over the world so they must be tapping a market somewhere. But one would assume that to be successful in this business, you'd have to have lookalikes that actually LOOK LIKE the celebrity in question.

Let me introduce you to UK agency Splitting Images - apparently "home of the largest selection of celebrity lookalikes, famous doubles and professional impersonators in the UK". I'd suggest that while they might have the LARGEST selection, it's not quite the BEST selection.

Here's Samuel L Jackson:

Royale with cheese...

Sorry, but clearly that's just a black guy in a hat. With golf clubs. Is Samuel L Jackson known for playing golf? Maybe this guy doubles as Tiger Woods and was caught between costume changes.

The slapper from down the road? No, it's...

...Pamela Anderson! No really. She's blonde, she has tits, sure she's Pamela Anderson. All I can say is it's lucky her hair is covering half her face (although clearly not the bad half).

Guess who?

Ok I'll give you one guess to work out who this is. Nah, fuck it, you'll never guess. Apparently it's Angelina Jolie. I'd say it's more like a nightmare. If you're having a party and you want a nightmare to come along, this is your girl.

There's something about Mary...that this woman doesn't have

I think the conversation that led this woman to think she looked like Cameron Diaz was held in the front bar of the local, and went like this:

DRUNK MAN: Oi Gaz, I so AM going to get a shag tonight, check out that bird over there. She's all mine.OTHER DRUNK MAN: Gawwww garn then! Pull a move.DRUNK MAN: OI LOVE! Anyone ever told you you look EXACTLY like Cameron Diaz?

If she's Cameron Diaz, I'm Nicole Kidman.

Oh hang on...

No wait, SHE'S Nicole Kidman. After she got in a horrific helicopter accident and had to undergo radical cranio facial surgery and then put on 20 kilos from the hospital food.

How many wigs must a man put on...

Regular readers of the BC will know that I love Bob Dylan. THIS is not Bob Dylan. This is a cross between Peter Brady and Leo Sayer. On a BAD day.

Spoke too soon...

Actually it seems THIS is Leo Sayer. Sorry, but has this guy put ANY effort into looking like Leo at all? You make me feel like dancing? Braces over coloured t shirts? Big big hair? Ringing any bells, mate?

WHAT THE?

Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to possibly the worst celebrity lookalike you'll ever see - Louise Bezzina as Kelly Osbourne. I don't know about you, but I've never seen Kelly out and about with talcum powder all over her face. Cocaine maybe, but she has the decency to wipe it off before she steps out of the cubicle.

And finally:

Hey little boy, want some candy?

YES a lookalike that actually LOOKS LIKE a famous person! Go Splitting Images! But I'd hate to think what kind of gigs this guy gets hired out to. You'd think if your main line of work was looking like Gary Glitter, you might want to consider going back to uni.