A Dad Shares 15 Lessons From His Three Rounds of Fatherhood

From Dad, to Step-Dad to Grand Dad, Alan Maguire has looked at fatherhood from three perspectives. Here are the 15 lessons he learned from his experiences.

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I’ve had three opportunities to be a parent: First my own children, followed by my step-son and now my grandson. Each relationship has asked different things of me and I have learnt new lessons and experienced new joys with each.

Round 1:

In my first marriage it was me who pushed for having kids and I loved the whole ‘dad’ vibe. It was a little unusual in the 80s for dads to ‘help with the kids’, changing nappies, bathing, feeding, playing and reading. I was surprised by women who complimented me on helping my wife – I didn’t do it for her, I did it for me. I was at work during the day and if I didn’t do those things I would never have had time to get to know my kids.

Round 2:

When I re-married 10 years ago, my stepson was 12. But while his mother had the choice about whether I was in her life, he had no say in accepting me into his life so I had to be careful about which battles were worth the fight. One battle I didn’t want to fight was to protect my own ego, I didn’t want to get into a “man-hood” (pissing) contest with my step-son. My wife didn’t need to have two boy-children to deal with.

Round 3:

My grandson is now six and while he is a pleasure and I am sure, the easiest child on the planet, I’m exhausted after an hour of “why gran-dad?” It’s wonderful to see him and even more wonderful to hand him back to my son at the end of each visit.

So after thirty years of parenting here is a list of 15 things I wish I wish I knew as a young dad:

Take time to see the world through your children’s eyes as it will constantly remind you of the wonder of creation

Set boundaries – we all need to know how far we can go

Baby poo isn’t poison (and it washes off)

Take time with bath-time. You can mop up the water later.

The box the gift comes in is often more fun than the gift.

Read to your kids. They will remember all the stories word for word.

Sleep with your sick child lying on your chest. Both of you will feel better.

Attend your child’s sport matches (especially if your child is in the 5th)

Play and listen. That’s when the real stuff happens.

There’s nothing wrong with dads kissing their sons

Girls like rough and tumble as much as boys

The school of ‘hard knocks’ is a really good school

When you’ve messed up, apologise

It’s okay to say no

With your own kids: if you are motivated by kindness, trust yourself! With your grandkids: if your kids are motivated by kindness, keep your mouth shut!

About Alan Maguire

Alan is in “sort-of-retirement” – which means he’s still working but choosing the things he wants to do. He’s also looking at this thing called retirement and sees it as a major opportunity to make a difference in the world – not through what he is doing but through who he is being. www.theeldersjourney.com

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