I can imagine he would be. Not good at all. Abuse all over the bloody place.

I read abuse is all about the abuser getting his satisfaction and doesn't care at all about the other person. He even doesn't care if he inflicts pain, or enjoys it if he does. The exact opposite of what you do in a relationship.

Bad way to start a sex life.

~Caen

"You are wise, van Helsing, for one who has not yet lived one life."
-Count Dracula

I read abuse is all about the abuser getting his satisfaction and doesn't care at all about the other person. He even doesn't care if he inflicts pain, or enjoys it if he does. The exact opposite of what you do in a relationship.

Bad way to start a sex life.

I can attest to the truth in that statement. It definitely has longterm repercussions. I was hurt a lot by my abusers, and now need to feel that pain to ever really feel sexual. It's not good

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I can attest to the truth in that statement. It definitely has longterm repercussions. I was hurt a lot by my abusers, and now need to feel that pain to ever really feel sexual. It's not good

The human brain is so weird that way huh?

You would think the brain would associate that with bad, but for a lot of people that pain gets associated with the personalized process of what makes on get turned on or come into their own sexual power going forward in life.

And you need to know how one ticks to have a successful romance life.

Isn't there a therapy to undo the mental associations of abuse and that state of mind where we give ourself permission to be comfortably turn on?

You would think the brain would associate that with bad, but for a lot of people that pain gets associated with the personalized process of what makes on get turned on or come into their own sexual power going forward in life.

And you need to know how one ticks to have a successful romance life.

Isn't there a therapy to undo the mental associations of abuse and that state of mind where we give ourself permission to be comfortably turn on?

Probably, but I doubt I'll ever be able to afford something so bespoke

Masochist 4 Life

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I don't know... I can pretty keenly associate my abuse with what I do now to pleasure myself. I didn't do it at all before.

I think it's the brains natural way of desensitizing itself to the initial trauma in an attempt to break the paradox of guilt and enjoyment of said trauma.

Like fear exposure therapy or something, except not, because your the one with control and consent with a partner you mutually are with.

That's just my theory on why this occurs.

It's like the brain wants to trigger itself until the trigger wears out, and breaks like an overused button.

It also doesn't help that parents and society keep attaching social intimacy abstract meaning into the act of sexual pleasure.

It can be argued that adds undo stress to sexual trauma victims, since it becomes a huge issue to reconcile good and bad with touch sensations.

My parents were unique in the sense that they explained the existence of sexual pleasure and the concept of consent and personal body as separate but related topics.

--

My friends and I have had sleepover dirty silly talk, and we tease one of our friends because you wouldn't think it but she's got her mind in the gutter all the time, and puts us all to shame. She said she hadn't been abused or anything, she's just a natural thrill seeker like that.

You can't prove a negative, ultimately even if one wasn't abused perhaps one would still discover one day certain things appeal to them and others don't.

The important thing is to recognize right from wrong, and what consent is or isn't.

I think it's the brains natural way of desensitizing itself to the initial trauma in an attempt to break the paradox of guilt and enjoyment of said trauma.

Like fear exposure therapy or something, except not, because your the one with control and consent with a partner you mutually are with.

That's just my theory on why this occurs.

It's like the brain wants to trigger itself until the trigger wears out, and breaks like an overused button.

It also doesn't help that parents and society keep attaching social intimacy abstract meaning into the act of sexual pleasure.

It can be argued that adds undo stress to sexual trauma victims, since it becomes a huge issue to reconcile good and bad with touch sensations.

My parents were unique in the sense that they explained the existence of sexual pleasure and the concept of consent and personal body as separate but related topics.

--

My friends and I have had sleepover dirty silly talk, and we tease one of our friends because you wouldn't think it but she's got her mind in the gutter all the time, and puts us all to shame. She said she hadn't been abused or anything, she's just a natural thrill seeker like that.

You can't prove a negative, ultimately even if one wasn't abused perhaps one would still discover one day certain things appeal to them and others don't.

The important thing is to recognize right from wrong, and what consent is or isn't.

I don't disagree with the latter part, but I'm stating emphatically that I "like" what I "like" as a result of my abuse. I may be unable to prove a negative, but I can speak from the heart and say I never had the feelings that I do now prior to my abuse. The thought that it was in any way self-fulfilling or lucky that my abuse matched my preference or vice versa makes me feel sick. It's not true.

Woo! My second photo album has been approved!

This forum is partly to thank for getting my life back on track. I'm a happy GothSwimmer.

Assuming, he was born 1995, then it happened 2003, when he was 8yo. So, 13 years ago.

I don't quite agree with the general tenor of the replies in this thread.

Of course, it isn't acceptable in any case when a 14 year old babysitter behaves that way against a child which is trusted given in her/his care.

But since we don't know about the motives and the former, emotional maturity of this babysitter, it's very difficult to assess whether she was really responsible for her actions, cause some 14 yos are mentally little more mature than 8 or 10 yo kids or such.

On the other hand the post of the OP gives me something to think about. I namely can't realize that the OP suggests in any way that he has really suffered from this experience.

And that is essential in order to assess his experience approximately in a neutral and objective manner. Because I don't like prejudices. And prejudging those cases isn't something we should be doing in general.

So, if the OP is really 21 years old, as I suppose ( just refering to the 1995 in his Nick), then I assume that the OP is able to say exactly whether he was suffering or not from this experience, if he brings up this topic after 13 years in a thread, so unsuspecting readers like me can clearly see what he want's express with his post.

So it's left to us, the readers of his post, to interpret our own outrage into it ... or not. And that is always fatal, because it generally leads to misjudgments of an individual experience.

I don't disagree with the latter part, but I'm stating emphatically that I "like" what I "like" as a result of my abuse. I may be unable to prove a negative, but I can speak from the heart and say I never had the feelings that I do now prior to my abuse. The thought that it was in any way self-fulfilling or lucky that my abuse matched my preference or vice versa makes me feel sick. It's not true.

Yeah there's a reason I didn't use those terms to describe the abstract concept I was talking about "self-fulfilling or lucky" carries a completely different tone of the idea I'm trying to convey.

There's something about the concept of one's will being violated or forced and not respected, especially sexually, that really affects deeply.

In cases where a not-yet traumatized person remembers life before and after they experienced a traumatic event, there's definitely a shift.