This will inspire you! You must read it!

What I'm going to say here today will melt your heart. It will make you laugh so hard it hurts. It will inspire you!

Now that I've told you how you're going to feel, I'm ready to share:

Please do not try to make me laugh.

Please do not try to melt my heart.

And, boyohboy, give me a break from all the bleepin' inspiration.

No, I'm not a misanthrope. I like to be inspired and moved as much as anybody — otherwise, life is just an endless slog through potholes — but surely I'm not the only person ready for some relief from the constant emotional force-feeding of our Internet age.

I was stirred to this thought recently — not for the first time — when a friend wrote to say she had received a poetry-themed chain email and wondered if I'd like to be included in the 20 people to whom she was supposed to forward it.

I was pleased that she thought of me.

I was even more pleased that she thought to ask before inflicting such abuse.

This friend had no way of knowing that her question would trigger two of my phobias.

One phobia, bred in childhood, is of chain letters. Even as a girl, back in the snail mail era, chain letters disturbed me, leaving me both queasily flattered (at least I've been included in this superstitious nonsense) and bullied (if I don't pass on this superstitious nonsense in the right amount of time, to the right number of people, something terrible might happen to me).

My second phobia is of more recent origin. It's a dread of the emotional manipulation rampant on the Internet, the tyranny of emails and social media posts that command you to read this, watch that, react a certain way.

You may have received such emails, the kind that begin with something like: "You've got to read this." "You'll love this." "This will make you laugh till you pee."¿

Attached will be an article you don't have the time or inclination to read, a video you don't have the time or inclination to watch or photos that you resent all the more because they do, in fact, make you laugh or cry, you sucker.

Facebook and Twitter are fueled by the same kind of emotional manipulation.

So much hilarity. So much uplift. So much so-called information. Too much of it prefaced with "You won't believe ..."

Now, you may be thinking: But, ma'am, aren't you a hypocrite? Didn't you just watch that hilarious, uplifting Christopher Walken dance video that's making the Facebook rounds?

I did.

But I chose to watch it after it floated past on Facebook. The friend who posted it didn't put it there with the command "You must watch this" or with the promise that it would make viewers laugh and dance along. I was allowed to dance along with no mandate to do so.

All this emotional bombardment comes in the guise of "sharing," and who can be against sharing?

From the time we learn the word "mine," we're taught to share. The problem is that what's called "sharing" on the Internet often veers into bullying.

True sharing asks nothing of the recipient. It does not involve the words "must" or "should." It does not proscribe feelings.

So, please, if you share hilarity or uplift or information via email or social media, consider toning down the coercion.

Instead of saying "You'll love this," try "You might like this."

Instead of "This will move you to tears," try "This moved me to tears."

Instead of forwarding the inspirational chain email, ask first.

When my friend asked, I told her the truth, that I was reluctant to invite more clutter into my inbox and equally reluctant to inflict more clutter and demand on others.

She understood, and, in the end, didn't pass the chain on to anyone, though she felt guilty because she enjoyed the quote she got from it.