A psychologist says parents should do these 18 things to raise a more confident child

A kid who lacks confidence will be reluctant to try new things because they’re scared of failing.Getty/Kevork Djansezian

Confidence is one of the greatest gifts a parent can give their child.

Carl Pickhardt, a psychologist and author of 15 parenting books, says a kid who lacks confidence will be reluctant to try new or challenging things because they’re scared of failing or disappointing others.

This can end up holding them back later in life and prevent them from having a successful career.

“The enemies of confidence are discouragement and fear,” he says. So, as a parent, it’s your job to encourage and support your child as they attempt to tackle difficult tasks.

Here are 17 more tips for raising a confident child:

1. Appreciate effort no matter if they win or lose

When you’re growing up, the journey is more important than the destination.

So whether your child makes the winning goal for his team or accidentally kicks it out of bounds, applaud their effort, Pickhardt says. They should never feel embarrassed for trying.

“Over the long haul, consistently trying hard builds more confidence than intermittently doing well,” he explains.

2. Encourage practice to build competence

Encourage your child to practice whatever it is they’re interested in — but do so without putting too much pressure on them.

Harmony Shu, a piano prodigy, told Ellen DeGeneres that she started practicing when she was just 3 years old.

“Practice invests effort in the confident expectation that improvement will follow,” Pickhardt explains.

3. Let them figure out problems by themselves

If you do the hard work for your child then they’ll never develop the abilities or the confidence to figure out problems on their own.

“Parental help can prevent confidence derived from self-help and figuring out on the child’s own,” Pickhardt explains.

In other words, better that your child gets a few B’s and C’s rather than straight A’s, so long as they are actually learning how to solve the problems and do the work.

4. Let them act their age

Don’t expect your child to act like an adult. “When a child feels that only performing as well as parents is good enough, that unrealistic standard may discourage effort,” he says. “Striving to meet advanced age expectations can reduce confidence.”

5. Encourage curiosity

Sometimes a child’s endless stream of questions can be tiresome, but it should be encouraged.

Paul Harris of Harvard University told The Guardian that asking questions is a helpful exercise for a child’s development because it means they realize that “there are things they don’t know … that there are invisible worlds of knowledge they have never visited.”

When children start school, those from households that encouraged curious questions have an edge over the rest of their classmates because they’ve had practice taking in information from their parents, The Guardian reported, and that translates to taking in information from their teacher. In other words, they know how to learn better and faster.

6. Give them new challenges

Show your child that they can make and accomplish small goals to reach a big accomplishment — like riding a bike without training wheels.

“Parents can nurture confidence by increasing responsibilities that must be met,” Pickhardtexplains.

7. Avoid creating short cuts or making exceptions for your child

Special treatment can communicate a lack of confidence, Pickhardt says. “Entitlement is no substitute for confidence.”

8. Never criticize their performance

Nothing will discourage your child more than criticizing his or her efforts. Giving useful feedback and making suggestions is fine — but never tell them they’re doing a bad job.

If your kid is scared to fail because they worry you’ll be angry or disappointed, they’ll never try new things.

14. Offer your help and support, but not too much of it

“Making parental help contingent on the child’s self-help first can build confidence.”

15. Applaud their courage to try something new

Whether it’s trying out for the travel basketball team or going on their first roller coaster, Pickhardt says parents should praise their kids for trying new things. He suggests saying something as simple as, “You are brave to try this!”

“Comfort comes from sticking to the familiar; courage is required to dare the new and different,” he says.

16. Celebrate the excitement of learning

When you’re growing up, the journey is more important than the destination.

So whether your child makes the winning goal for his team or accidentally kicks it out of bounds, applaud their effort, Pickhardt says. They should never feel embarrassed for trying.

“Over the long haul, consistently trying hard builds more confidence than intermittently doing well,” he explains.

17. Don’t allow them to escape reality by spending all their time on the internet

Don’t allow your kid to hide behind a computer screen. Instead, encourage them to engage with real people in the real world.

“Confidence in the virtual world (although important) is not the same as real world confidence that offline effectiveness brings,” Pickhardt says.

18. Be authoritative, but not too forceful or strict

When parents are too strict or demanding, the child’s confidence to self-direct can be reduced.