All of us here at KSK enjoy the drink in its various forms. Occasionally we enjoy it to excess, or in unfortunate combinations that result in debilitating hangovers. Seeing as how everyone has their own hangover cure, and all of us find ourselves in need from time to time, it made sense to hold a mock draft on the topic. However, we soon realized that it wouldn’t work. There would be too much overlap, and too many multi-component cures to make it work. So instead we will each offer up our own hangover cure, then open things up to the commenters.

My ideal cure: Wake up, pint of water, 800 mg Motrin, masturbate, go back to bed for two more hours of sleep, then bacon, eggs, copious coffee, and a bloody mary. PRE-BRUNCH WILD CARD: a chocolate egg cream, if you can find a place that serves one. It’s light, sweet, and bubbly without the cloying heaviness of mass-market soda.

Old Man Drew’s Old Man Remedy

Lets face it. Pretty much all you need is Advil and shitloads of water. The rest is just a cheap excuse to eat home fries.

There is something to be said for the greasy, salty food that will help you retain all that water. High cholesterol foods like eggs supposedly help out the liver which has been working all night on the breaking down the alcohol and protein breaks down into amino acids which also help clear out some of the cobwebs.

Not to mention just water and ibuprofen on a stomach with a wrecked stomach lining is just asking for an ulcer or at least feeling even worse. You need the fat to buffer it some.

Drink a bottle of Pedialyte with two or three over the counter pain killers as soon as you wake up. Go to the nearest brunch place you can find, and order a bloody mary, followed by a short stack with two eggs over easy with a side of bacon. Go home and take a nap. Wake up and smoke pot if your wife will let you. Take another nap. You weren’t going to do anything that day anyway, right? Good. Cap it all off with a nice steak. You earned it.

Ape’s Overly Active Cure

Down a coconut water and consume some sort of starch, a bagel if it’s available. Go run for three or four miles. It sucks at first, but by the end, you’ve sweated everything out and feel significantly, if not entirely, better. Not advisable if you’re not one of those annoying people who runs regularly.

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Soya milk and ibuprofen, sleep for a couple more hours, then lots of bread. Not sure if it works, but I’m too scared to try anything more complicated like frying eggs or physical exercise. Seriously Ape, how do you summon the energy to go for a run?

It’s not the energy that’s the issue, only the extent of the nausea. I wouldn’t recommend it for the absolute worst hangovers, as you’ll probably throw up pretty early in the run, but for most it’s effective.

If I have the presence of mind, *before* going to bed I’ll cram as much water down my gullet as I can, maybe with a glass of milk to coat the stomach lining. Then, when I wake up, two aspirin (old school) and a fried egg sammich.

(The first half of this works when you’re sick as well. Drink all the water you can handle, bundle up, and sweat that mofo out.)

Ideally wake up with bacon egg and cheese, a cup of Barry’s Irish Breakfast tea with a shot of Bookers Bourbon, nap, wake up burger, bloody mary and I’m good to go water from there. You gotta ween me off…

32oz. bottle of Gatorade or 20oz. bottle of Vitamin Water Revive. I like the Gatorade but my wife swears by the VWR. Take like 3-4 ibuprofen or a brand name equivalent and eat some fatty food. After your stomach settles down, drink a beer to smooth yourself out. Preferably something not too heavy and definitely no citrusy beers. Harpoon UFO or Captain Lawrence Liquid Gold for example.

My cousin was a medic and he used to smuggle IV bags off base. If you could set up a mobile vehicle (ala a blood mobile) that administered IV fluids you could make all the money at any spring break destination.

If you’re drunk and tired enough, the caffeine won’t matter. I’ve been blizted, taken 2 Excedrin extra strength and slept like a baby. Woke up sober forgetting how sloppy drunk I was the night before until I saw my clothes flung everywhere in the room.

Also, it helps a LOT if you can talk yourself out of having that one last drink of the night. You know, the one you take five minutes before you go to sleep/pass out that does absolutely nothing except contribute to your hangover.

oh, and if you are inclined, physical exercise works wonders. I used to caddy (it is exactly like caddyshack and its lots of cash for a college student) and had to get up at the crack of dawn usually hung over as hell.

Carrying golf bags around and sweating my ass off made hangovers disappear quickly. also, smoking weed on the course during so helped as well.

I blasted through a particularly nasty gin hangover one brisk autumn morning by splitting a face cord of firewood with my father. I was a bit wobbly but I sweat the worst of it off, and the beer we had once we finished tasted absolutely divine.

For those wwho have access to them, a serious breakfast burrito (red chile is a little more effective than green, in my experience) will do wonders. If you don’t have access to a good breakfast burrito and chile, then douse your eggs and meats in sriracha. The piquancy might seem like a bad idea at first, but it’s the last thing your hangover expects. It expects you to sit back with bland starches and milky coffee and try to slink through the day. No. Fuck that hangover. Who the fuck does it think it is? Grab some chile or hot sauce and go scorched fucking earth. If you’re going to die (and, as everyone over thirty reading this will confirm, there are some tough mornings when that seems pretty damn certain), you’re taking this hangover out with you in a blaze of glory.

In normal circumstances, I’d say Xmas to your heart’s content (although we’re blundering into an area of intense doctrinal dispute). The reason I prescibe red chile for a hangover is that the piquancy tends to be more even, and also a lot of people make their red chile with a bit of pork fat, which can smooth out the heat. The feeling we’re going for is that you’ve swallowed a small ball of radioactive material that is slowly cleansing your body from the inside with god’s own holy flame, not that your face is on fire. That said, it’s *your* hangover, so if Xmas helps, by god, Xmas it up.
Also, item 2 from your list is a useful contribution, to which I would add ‘regret’ and ‘unfounded moral outrage’.

Since I happen to be hungover right now, here’s what’s happening in my world:
1) Ice water
2) A healthy dose of self-loathing
3) Eschewing the gut-bomb in favor of something easy on the stomach: canned chicken noodle soup
4) Wishing I got headache hangovers, b/c nausea is much harder to treat

The worst part of a stomach hangover is driving on shitty potholed roads. In a completely unrelated note I recently vomited on the side of a highway on-ramp after grossly misjudging the effects of Sixpoint’s new Baltic Porter.

I get headache hangovers, but if I don’t take something for it within about 30 minutes of waking up, all of the sudden I get super nauseous and throw up. It’s terrible. It’s like waking up to a time bomb every time I drink too much.

Make sure to leave at least 15 minutes before going to bed (passing out)

1. Drink as much water as humanly possible before you fall asleep (at least two 1.5 Liter bottle’s worth, preferably 3)
2. Regardless of when you wake up, pee immediately (you’re going to have to)
3. Take 4 advil and go back to sleep
4. When you actually wake up for the day, drink a 20 OZ sugarless redbull
5. Taylor Ham, Egg, and Cheese and a Blue G2

Vitamin B Complex and a decent meal just before you start drinking; as much water as possible while you drink and before you pass out. Throw an extra blanket on to help you sweat the stuff out while you sleep. Breakfast needs to include english muffins with a ton of butter, salted pork meat of some kind, and many eggs. Shit out all your shame, then watch Sunday NASCAR and thank God you’re not at the race.

B-Complex is a definite, it buffers the liver and if you can remember to take it before you pass out, it really knocks the hangover level down. If not, take a couple of them in the morning with gatorade (or a bloody mary if so inclined), eat something greasy and then lament your life choices until it’s time to start drinking again (time to start drinking again decreases exponentially if Bloody Marys are part of the next day routine).

Drink water.
HOT shower. Just as you get used to the temperature of the shower make it hotter … then hotter still. Really steam up the bathroom and breath it in deeply to dislodge all the nastiness you enhaled the night before.

When you feel like you’re gonna puke from the heat quickly trend the shower toward cold. (Or go ahead and puke if you must/ know it will help.) Keep making it colder until you are shivering and feel the rush of adrenaline. Also drink copiously from the tap.

If I don’t feel the need to vomit after walking in to the bathroom; which I often do, always feel great afterwards too. It feels so unnatural to puke and be hungry 5 minutes later. I take an antacid for the firestorm in my stomach, 875ml of water as soon as i get to the kitchen, then I eat as much french toast as I can.

The only time in my life I’m not revolted by Kraft mac n cheese is when I’m hungover, because then it’s like mana from heaven. So I eat that and drink Gatorade or diet soda, and by about 4 I’m craving protein so I huff mad dong — I mean, make a steak. Yeah, make a big steak.

OK. Recovered alcoholic here, so I know a bit about this. There is no cure. You have two goals; a) make it through the day without drawing attention to your shameful condition, and b)
try to feel an inkling better than you do (although it won’t be much). Here’s how you do it.

1) Keep Visine and Breath Savers in your car at all times. You’ll need ‘em.
2) On the way to work, purchase two Gatorades and three V-8 Spicys. Drink throughout the day. The V-8s will give you a sudden and powerful boost of energy – they’re a miracle.
3) Don’t drink anymore alcohol. That is idiotic.
4) Drink a minimal amount of caffeine, if any at all.
5) Make friends with the Wendy’s Dollar Menu. All the grease you’ll need. My preferred meal was two chicken sandwiches and a fries. Balls deep in mayo on those sandwiches.

Your reward for making it is that you get to go home, crank up the A/C, put in an Arrested Development DVD (Play All) and climb under the sheets.

By the way, I did this every other day for ten years and it was a living hell. Get help if you feel you need it (AA is the place to start).

Stay up for two extra hours without boozing before you go to bed. Hydrate constantly, take aspirin and Ibuprofen, take stomach acid suppressant and eat some toast. Sleep in the next morning, get up, smoke powerful weed, do something that makes you sweat. Eat a huge ass brunch with a couple of cocktails and you’re good to go. I can’t stress enough how important the two cocktails are.

Never tried the “sweat-it-out” or “spice yourself to death” methods. Seem to make lotta sense.
I’ve said before and I’ll say it again: Democracy simply doesn’t wor–errmm, KSK’s contributions to society are hugely underrated.

/Self-loathing’s the worst part ’bout being hungover. Especially when that’s what started the drinking.

(1) Seltzer – you can drink water if you like but the bubbles help burp out the poison gas and help calm the stomach
(2) Shit – it’ll probably hurt, but you’ll feel better after
(3) Shower – this “s” is the hardest but also extremely important as it removes a lot of the toxins that are still seeping out of your pores (mine smell like whiskey!)
(4) Smoke – not that I need an excuse, but pot really is the best hangover medicine
(5) Sex – bonus points if your sig-other will let you do this before “s”teps 1-3
(6) Sleep

/at work right now
//still needed “s”teps 1-4 to make it out the door today