Review: ‘Transformers’ gets ‘Revenge’ on good taste

I dug “Transformers” when Michael Bay first brought it to the big screen in 2007 — not so much for transforming my beloved, boxy cartoon robots of the ’80s into sinewy, live-action robots of the ’00s, but for the nerdy charm Shia LaBeouf brought to his role as Sam Witwicky, the dorky but noble kid at the heart of all that gilded noise.

Let’s face it: If you can find any kind of charm in a Michael Bay film, that’s movie magic in and of itself.

“Fallen” suffers from the inevitable Bay sequel treatment: louder, larger and lewder. Yes, you get a whole lot more giant robot action that’s giant-awesome, but you also get a whole lot more juvenile humor with humans and robots alike that’s downright embarrassing. As for that charm that made the first flick so fun, it doesn’t get anywhere near the same pump up in volume this second time around.

No question, a lot has changed since we last saw the heroic Optimus Prime and his fellow Autobots save humanity from the evil Megatron and his Decepticons.

We learn those otherworldly robots have ties to Earth that date back thousands of years. And now two years after the events of the last movie, the Autobots have formed a covert alliance with the military to root out the rest of the Decepticons.

Meanwhile, Sam’s heading off to college while his girlfriend Mikaela (Megan Fox) is staying behind, pretty much done with him. But not. But sorta. But then Sam touches a shard of the almighty Allspark and gets all sorts of weird Transformer symbols downloaded into his head — info evil Decepticons like Megatron and the ancient Fallen want.

And so what should be an entertaining chase for Sam’s brain turns into a spectacular robot war — one that unfortunately has to fight off spectacularly annoying characters and the broadest of the broad in scatological humor.

In case you forgot Bay films are all about the action and not about the actors, “Fallen” reminds you with performances that are little more than vacant and noisome springboards for the next bombastic sequence.

Ramon Rodriguez as Leo, Sam’s college roommate, channels every drip of annoying secondary-character swarm and prattle that Robert Downey Jr. used to employ in his early roles, while John Turturro equally ratchets up the obnoxious quotient in his reprisal of the annoying Simmons. They’re supposed to be comic relief. Trust me, you will only grow to hate them.

Even the robots sink to new lows. Twin jive-talking Autobots? A giant Decepticon with “testicles”? A geezer Transformer that farts? Lame, lame and lame. At least Bumblebee somehow manages to get cooler in the picture, while Prime and Megatron shine as well.

LaBeouf tries to be the goofy glue that holds all this together but he just can’t manage with so much senseless sensory overload. Worse, there are times when his Sam is downright unlikable, like when he frequently takes Mikaela’s affections for granted. Then again, the token babe hanging on to the main dude who’s nowhere near her league also fits with basic Bay action.

At least the action in “Fallen” looks amazing. I had a hard time discerning Autobot from Decepticon in the first movie. In “Fallen” you can easily tell good robot from bad robot, so you get some truly solid Transformer throwdowns. (Again, just about anything Bumblebee = awesome.) The special effects are incredible all around, even as they assault your senses.

It’s just too bad all the cool robot action has to compete with way too much stupid.

Look, I didn’t expect “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” to be a sophisticated sequel by any stretch. But I also didn’t expect such a bright, geek-friendly franchise to skew so much to the lowest common denominator.

I don’t mean that to sound like the elitist geek who clutches his toys and whines that nobody gets them. I just thought this film would have let its main plot about Transformer lore not get buried in so much abject crudeness and stupidity.

It’s only fitting that the one trailer that popped up for the “Fallen” screening I attended was for the upcoming (and already vilified) “G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra.” It just goes to show Bay and the rest of Hollywood don’t know how to play with these classic toys without breaking them.

René A. Guzman

4 Responses

I disagree. I’ve seen it and its horrible. I am a Transformers and GIJOE nerd, and I did not enjoy seeing my childhood butchered. Besides the blatant stereotypes and explosions for the sake of explosions (more explosions & noises than dialogue practically)- anytime there was a fight, it became a messy blob of mechanical parts. Is that an arm, a leg? What just happened? Cutting less than every 3 seconds also gave me whiplash.

Definitely NOT worth the price of admission and I was barely entertained. Glad it was free. And while I don’t expect an intellectual odyssey- much more consideration could have went into the handling of TF back history. Its bad when the animated history is better than the big budget live-action movie.

True and honest review! I couldn’t agree more. To tell you the truth I actually enjoyed watching the previews more than the actual movie! Optimpus, Megatron and Bumblebee is what this movie is all about! I was very annoyed with all the dog humping and robot ghetto slang! The first one was everything I had envisioned as a kid for a real live Transformers movie to be! Their voices were robotic, the way they got the military involved in the story line, their purpose for coming to Earth etc. Transformers (Part one) 2 thumbs up! Revenge of the Fallen I felt was a huge slap in the face to all Transformer fans! Don’t get me wrong it had great epic moments but very few! I grew up watching Transformers G1 and a little of G2 and I’m not your average Transformers Nerd! (I heard there were a few references to Beast Wars but I couldn’t tell you because I hated that part of Transformers) but I do like Transfomers enough to have some knowledge about what the “Do’s” and “Don’t” are in making a movie like this. At times I wondered if Michael Bay and the writers were HIGH or drunk when thinking some of these parts out! I found myself shaking my head in many parts of the movie. The “New” Robots I was excited to see in this movie were also a let down. Soundwave who was a favorite of mine as a child never left his satellite mode and stayed endlessly out in orbit and Devastator was just a huge sand vacuum with no action! I stuck by Michael Bay when people criticized him in the last film and I TRIED to like Revenge of the Fallen but I found myself more disappointed than anything. I think this movie was too rushed and not well thought of. I would rather have waited 5 more years for a better sequel. If there’s a website out there leaking this movie out SEE IT THERE! It shouldn’t be a crime to get this movie on Boot-Leg but a favor! Don’t waste your money on this one!

“I don’t mean that to sound like the elitist geek who clutches his toys and whines that nobody gets them…”

THEN DON’T!

I saw an advanced screening, and though I agree there are some things that are annoying and I could have done without, this in no way deserves to be even mentioned as being on par with GI Joe. You will never be 100% satisfied, so why hold out these unrealistic expectations. Just watch the damn movie or not. Instead of appreciating the fact that this movie does an adequate job of cramming in some of the Transformer lore from the original series and the comics, all you have issues with are Michael Bay himself. Not the best movie, but worth the money considering movies are for our ENTERTAINMENT and not to lead us through this big intellectual oddysey.

As I have stated before: I LOATHE Micheal Bay! I had little hope about this movie given this hacks record. Which is too bad since I begrudgingly liked the first Transformers movie. Thank you for being honest in your review. I know the wife wants to see this, though. *sigh*

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