Saturday, June 3, 2017

Scolded by the wrong man

Discipline, punishment, spanking.

I can't explain why I crave it or what it does for me but when done correctly, it gives me the confidence and strength to conquer the world. I become Wonder Woman under the care and guidance of a strong, solid, squared away man.

My boss scolded me last night and again this morning.

I am sick to my stomach.

I feel stupid and insecure.

Worthless.

Not valued.

Eric has stripped me of my clothing, forced me to lay naked across his lap, paddled my bottom until I begged him to stop, and then watched as I squirmed in the corner. He has called me "young lady" and grabbed me by the arm, marched me upstairs, and taken his belt to my backside. He has pulled my hair, lectured me, and made me look at my red punished ass in the mirror while I mapped out how to behave better.

Not once. Not one single moment in time, did Eric ever make me feel anything but loved and respected. Not once, did I question my self esteem, or purpose, or ability under his hand.

Two extremes, a scolding by email and hard core mental, physical and emotional correction. It is the email that has me in tears.

I wish Eric was home so I could disappear in his arms and hide from a cruel cruel world.