Wednesday, February 25, 2009

I need to start this message saying that this is not for the benefit of anyone really except for me..What I mean is that posting my thoughts here today is a meager attempt to provide myself some accountability but also again to chronicle the ups and the downs..I have written over 20 blogs now on this site and I dare to say all have a positive message or neutral at worse..but this message today is to expose the flesh that tries to rise up against my spirit...so a negative tone may persists through out this blog..and for that I apologize..

How can a man who has been transformed by the Grace of God...still have days that make me feel like a Lost soul..I have this little voice in the back of my mind with a giant megaphone screaming at me saying " Man, have you already forgotten just how far away from God you were before He rescued you?".. " How can you allow yourself to slip so easily after experiencing the dramatic heart transplant performed on you?".."What is wrong you with you..?" I share these thoughts because I consider myself to be a man on fire for God right now and have dedicated my life to living the way He desires for me to live..Yet this wretched Body of death I possess has not given up and still tries to RISE UP against my SPIRIT to wage War..One thing is for sure..The Flesh is wicked and will never stop trying to take you down and rule once more..Satan does not take defeat very well and begins to employ his grandest schemes against you..or those who have surrendered to the Lord God..

I have experienced a period of a couple of days where my flesh has been slowly edging its way back to the forefront of my mind and interrupting my ability to serve my Lord and live out my Faith..and this has culminated in a morning that I wish to forget for I allowed my flesh to show anger toward my girls this morning, so much so that it brought tears to their eyes..After seeing them respond to my carnal nature..I was immediately reminded that I was under attack by Satan and that he was trying to destroy the path I have been working so hard laying for them..Now this anger that came out of me originates from some other areas of my life that happened to spill out on them and they did nothing to deserve that..Conviction has engulfed me this morning and brought about shame in my heart and a sincere need to seek their forgiveness and the forgiveness of my Lord...After dropping them all off at school, I proceeded to the gym as I usually do and began my workout and once again I was listening to a song from way back called "What if I Stumble"..and the words were so fitting for me today..I have not felt so unworthy of God's love as I have this morning..and yet this song reminded me that God loves me for who I am, not as I should be..Praise God that is True, because if not I might as well give up because I am so far from who I should be..that if God required that of me, I would be left out for sure..Here are the words to this song

"The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today Is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips Then walk out the door and deny him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.

"Is this one for the people? Is this one for the Lord?

Or do I simply serenade for things I must afford?

You can jumble them together, my conflict still remains

Holiness is calling, in the midst of courting fame

Cause I see the trust in their eyes Though the sky is falling

They need Your love in their lives Compromise is calling

What if I stumble, what if I fall?What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?

Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl?

What if I stumble, and what if I fall? What if I stumble, what if I fall?

You never turn in the heat of it all

What if I stumble, what if I fall?

Father please forgive me for I can not compose

The fear that lives within me Or the rate at which it grows

If struggle has a purpose on the narrow road you've carved

Why do I dread my trespasses will leave a deadly scar

Do they see the fear in my eyes? Are they so revealing?

This time I cannot disguise all the doubt I'm feeling

What if I stumble, what if I fall?What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?

Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl?

What if I stumble, and what if I fall?What if I stumble?

Everyone's got to crawl when you know that You're up against a wall, it's about to fall

Everyone's got to crawl when you know that I hear You whispering my name

[You say]"My love for You will never change"

Boy Have I ever stumbled..This song is so fitting for my day..because I have stumbled for sure..

Here is what I know..I am a sinful person and the very minute that I think I am not vulnerable to the wiles of the devil I am defeated.. Satan has planted seeds of doubt and discouragement in my heart and mind and if allowed to stay there, they begin to sprout and grow roots..and that is what has happened to me.. I need God daily, every day, through out the day, to renew my mind...to cleanse me..to cultivate my soul and remove all the weeds and thistles..for they are trying to choke out my Faith and steal my Joy..That is exactly what the devil wants..To rob me of the life I can have in Jesus Christ..

The Apostle Paul speaks to this very issue regarding himself and I am reminded of this passage today..

Romans 7:14-25 (The Message)14-16I can anticipate the response that is coming: "I know that all God's commands are spiritual, but I'm not. Isn't this also your experience?" Yes. I'm full of myself—after all, I've spent a long time in sin's prison. What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.17-20But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.21-23It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.24I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?25The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.

Bitterness is anger turned inward and I must not bow down to this feeling..for it is not of the Father..I heard a very wise man say that Bitterness is an acid so strong that it eats away its own container..It will devour you..Bitterness is at the very root of my issues today and I rebuke this feeling from my soul and ask the Lord God to remove this feeling from me and replace it with HIS goodness..