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Zombie Walk in Glasgow

Around 250 shambling cadavers took to the streets of Glasgow yesterday afternoon for Scotland’s first ever zombie walk, bringing new meaning to the phrase “having a good moan”.

This Halloween “crawl of the dead” was blessed with good weather – few things look more pathetic than a drenched zombie – and the massed legions of the damned were uniformly polite and courteous. The official Glasgow Zombie Walk Twitter feed had set down some simple ground rules for the event, from “No walking on the road or in traffic” to “No attacking bystanders”.

Mustering outside Queen Margaret Union at the University of Glasgow, most of the damned wore claret-stained clothes and permanently pained expressions, but there were plenty of standouts.

As well as a zombie cow, a zombie Snow White, a zombie nun and a zombie Jeff Bridges from The Big Lebowski, there was also a zombie Royal Mail postwoman, groaning and muttering to herself, possibly about pay and conditions. Even the volunteer stewards were in character, outfitted as gung-ho soldiers.

The walk itself was a shambles – in a good way – as the undead dragged their sorry carcasses down University Avenue towards Kelvingrove Park. There was a general hubbub of brainless moaning, although a cheer went up as a Blood Transfusion Service van drove past.

It took a leisurely half-hour for the army of darkness to reach its destination at the opposite side of the park, where things suddenly turned militant. An impromptu chant started up: “What do we want?” “BRAINS!” “When do we want them?” “NOW!” Equal rights for the recently deceased was clearly a pressing concern.

For 19-year-old James Hay, the walk had been cathartic. After quitting his job at a high-street menswear retailer last week, he had spent the day soaking his old uniform in fake blood and hacking it to shreds with scissors. Did this signify the death of his career? “It’s to mark the death of conformity!” he said.

Matt McGovern, 21, and Sam ­Stratford, 28, had prepared for the walk by ­looking at meat. “Zombies are just meat that moves,” said ­McGovern, a decaying lifeguard. Stratford was a blue-faced Santa. Wasn’t he concerned about psychologically scarring kids? “I eat ­children!” he replied cheerfully.

“The walk has been really good,” added McGovern, “but there should be something to do now, like a zombie picnic.”

Organiser Colin Armstrong – dressed as a cute Lego zombie – seemed slightly dazed after the event, although he confirmed that he intended to stage it again next year. “It’s all been in good taste,” he said. “I thought there might have been a few Michael Jacksons or Patrick Swayzes.”