Posts Tagged ‘lotion’

So it’s week three in the Burgh. I am currently working at Trader Joe’s and living among boxes as my beautiful wife Yvette sets up shop at our new place. One of the unusual things about our new place is that the street it’s on is Linden which is the same street I grew up on. Maybe God is making me grow up all over again. Hmmm…

This week was full of laughs and I will give my top 3 funniest moment:

The marijuana notice. One day while Yvette was unpacking boxes and cleaning some things in the apartment she noticed there was smoke outside the front door. She did not know what kind of smoke it was-it was just smoke. This really bothered us both as we don’t like smoke and don’t want our children to be inhaling secondhand smoke. At the same time I shrugged it off as just one of the downsides of living with/near a large amount of people in an apartment building. Then less than a week later we get a letter in the mail which read:

Yvette and Ramon

It has come to our attention that someone has been smoking marijuana in the building.

Perpetrators will be evicted immediately!

I immediately bust out into laughter because 1) How would you find the perpetrators? and 2) They used the word perpetrators

It may not be funny to you but it had me in tears as we were driving down 376. Note to self: Do not be a perpetrator. You could lose your apartment 🙂

Intense ashiness. Now some of you may or may not know that when black people have dry skin it really shows. They call this being “ashy”. Especially on the hands, elbows, and knees. It has provoked the timeless jokes/insults such”Your knees are so ashy you look like you been breakdancin in flour” and a host of others. Well I got home one day from work and it looked like I did more than breakdance in flour. It looked like I was wading in it!!!! Note to self: Lotion! Lotion! Lotion!

Atomic Wings. So me and the fam met up with Steven Hamilton at the infamous Quaker Steak and Lube which has recently been made famous by Man vs. Food for their Triple Atomic Wing Challenge. These wings are hot! I mean they are super hot with 150,000 Scoville Heat Units to scorch your tongue! I figured I don’t want to overextend myself. Let me use sober judgment. I will go with just plain old Atomic and not Triple Atomic. I had five atomic wings and it hurt. It hurt bad! I had to drink water every two minutes and it felt like my lips were swollen. I finally finished them off by drenching them in ranch dressing but they were still hot. Well that’s only the beginning…later on that night I was getting ready for bed and rubbed my eye. Guess what was on my finger??? Atomic sauce. I keep rubbing it not realizing I have it on my finger and my eye is getting smothered in Scovilles. I finally rinse it out in the bathroom sink and get to bed. But that is not the end. When I usually eat something hot I estimate that my tongue will burn, maybe my mouth and my lips but there were other parts burning as well and I had some serious bathroom issues (I will not go into details so you will not be totally grossed out) for the next couple of days. So that’s sober judgment. I have to laugh at myself for that. Note to self: Atomic is atomic. The word itself has deadly connotations.

So that’s week three. Stay tuned for more Life in the Pitt adventures.