“I mean, deliver a present to every boy and girl on the planet in one night? Not a problem. But a coherent plan for Brexit? Come on, there’s only so much that magic is capable of.”

It is understood that the Government had been waiting for Christmas to begin the second stage of Brexit talks so they could form a strategy based on a magic Brexit plan from Santa’s workshop in the north pole.

Following Mr Claus announcements, it looks like they will have to fall back on the previous successful tactic of the UK doing what it’s told by the EU.

However, even if there was a plan available, it seems that the cabinet would be unable to take advantage of it.

“Apart from anything else,” continued Elf Williams.

“None of those bastards has been anything even approaching good, so even if there was such a thing as a magic coherent plan for Brexit, all they’d be getting is a lump of coal.”

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