What guys really think of those sex tips in Cosmo

By White Dad Problems

Member of the Chicago Parent Blog Network

2/5/13 11:51 AM

It's February, and that means love, romance and the
screaming thigh sweats. The Dads will be tackling related topics
all month, and this week they work to save men everywhere from the
bad advice featured in the sex articles in women's magazines.(Note: This ain't for the kiddies.)

For decades, magazines like Cosmopolitan have
churned out advice on new things ladies can do in the boudoir to
"please their men." The Dads are here to tell you the truth about
some of these supposed "turn ons", the very worst of which were
inspired by the wildly popular romance-erotic-fan-fic (just look at
that description... chilling), Fifty Shades of
Grey.

Do men want to be stabbed with a fork under the table? Would
you? No. And especially not when they're just waiting patiently for
their kiwi-mango margarita at Chili's.

Do men want to answer questions to try and win ten
seconds of pleasure from their partner? Zero seconds would be
far less confusing and frustrating.

Flailing wildly at your man with a hair brush as he exits the
shower is a great way to end up on Cops - not a great way
to get him in the mood.

You know what you put saran wrap on? Leftovers. Not body
parts.

Anything involving toothbrushes, or trips to CVS, for that
matter... not sexy.

And are you looking for something to do with that jar of filthy
pennies you've been picking up over the years. Try Coinstar,
ladies... not currency-based vajazzling.

You can hear more of what these guys have to say at their full
length podcast - subscribe for free on iTunes or visit whitedadproblems.com