Against all Odds

As a child all that was known
was hurt and betrayal
So many strangers, absolute fear
till fear itself was champion.

A mind full of doubt, mistrust
utter chaos of dark paths
and night terrors
with only one clear goal
…to escape.

I hated the world
my life
and most of the people in it
who took away my childhood
my innocence and trust
then,
met other haters and didn’t
like what I saw
so,
determined not to fall into
the repeating cycle and become
filled with only bitterness
set out to fill my mind with
knowledge because, knowledge
is power.

To learn as much as I could
from books, from people
from anyone and anything who
knew so much more than I
about what life is really
supposed to be.

Like a sponge that could never
have its fill
I learn something new
every day…still.

There’s no comfort in hate
no satisfaction in holding onto
anger which simply destroys the
heart which feeds it
instead I chose the way of love
To fill my mind with only that
and nestle into the soft compassion of
its pure white light and energy.

We are all sinners
each and everyone of us
but‘What we think is what we become.’

As a young teen I was so angry at the world, even angry with my mother for the dreadful childhoods we had. Til I met a whole load more angry young people just like me in the army and realised, I wasn’t the only one who ever suffered and, didn’t want to hate the world, I just needed to discover what life had made of me thus far and to learn that because ‘this’ has happened it did not mean ‘that’ (hate) had to happen as a consequence.
All of our lives we are growing, learning, teaching, and we never stop day by day. We shape our lives by the choices we make good or, bad.

20 thoughts on “Against all Odds”

Wow, this one moved me to tears, strikes very close to home for me. Making that choice to move beyond being a victim into something more is a huge step in healing. Takes a whole lot of guts too. A beautifully written poem.

Brenda, you are so wise. That is the solution, forgive and ditch the anger. It kinda lies there waiting for opportunity, sometimes–however, I’m so glad you realized that your thoughts, that what we think we become–you are an inspiration. So happy to have met you in this poetic journey.

smiles…i like that you chose yourself….self inspection is def important and we should measure our beliefs and attitudes and what goes into their creation…there was a point i def hated life and tried to kill myself…not specifically but in the lifestyle i lived and sought….it was brutal….glad you survived it bren…

What an inspiration you are. So many don’t have the awareness to make that choice to not wallow in their negative emotions and have them color their world for the rest of their lives. It’s so very true…we are what we think. But still I struggle with my feelings about my childhood and my parents…it seems to be an ongoing process of learning to accept. I’m happy for you.

Yes, you DID take a closer look at yourself. Good that you did not follow the path of ‘hatred’ that you could have followed but found your own better path. Hatred doesn’t serve anyone. There is a quote that always stuck with me from a college psych course.. (Wish I could remember who said it now.) “It may be your parents’ fault that you are the way you are, but it is your fault if you stay that way.” So true, I think.