These are the cookie crumbs for my depreciating mind.

I always find it interesting when people read what I write and there is the possibility that we could date that they immediately assume a few things:

– I have 1000 checks on my list that need fulfilling. False. In my writing I spell out that I don’t care about checklists and the best thing is when you can throw away expectations.

All of these thoughts are milliseconds of thought put into words in that moment. And those moments change. They evolve. Of course we all have our wants, but the true way to find it is not by listing it but by allowing someone else unabated into your life and living it.

Then you learn all new things you like or dislike and you can decide love one another, be friends, or part ways.

There is no need for black and white in a term such as love since it is so undefined. It isn’t even known if we are supposed to be monogamous as human beings. We created that check on the list a long time ago. Could be right could be wrong. There are checks that only time can tell.

The surface level list is important, I see it is a moral compass. A level of things we have learned through experience to need, beyond a measure of a doubt to be happy not only with a partner but with ourselves. Beyond that we just don’t know until we interact with one another, smell one another, hear one another’s voices, and live life with one another over time.

– I know exactly what I want and will fall in love easily. FALSE.

There is too much too fast if you try to consume it all assuming you know who I am, how I think, how I was feeling during writing each article, and have zero context of who I am as a person and how those writings came to be. It is too much too fast.

Unless I find someone who approaches a relationship like me and pretty much social media blackouts the other person or waits to pass judgement on memories created rather than memories past, this journal of sorts can make me come across very ready to settle down and someone who knows what he wants.

I don’t know. I am stumbling just like everyone else. I just like to take the moments of clarity and write about them. But if you take the timeline some things here I wrote when I was 14, hahaha try settling down with that version me!

While I may be very open with my mind, I am not easy in love. I value my relationships with people strongly. And to get past the 50 million layers of exterior extroverted intensity is a trip. Not a hard one for the right people but it isn’t some magical “I am magically in love with you” thing. You will be well aware how I feel.​

​Time is so overlooked these days. Everyone wants everything right away. But how about stories that just can’t be told in a sitting, or meetings that will reveal smells and habits. You cannot speed up every aspect of life and often times if you try you just fail harder.

So I continue to write un-definable statements hoping that someone else understands the definition and but understanding the application can change depending on the situation.

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About Me

My name is Tristan and I am a photographer/director and hopeful romantic. I am here sharing my writing, a journal entry to myself with the intent of others reading it. I talk in a very open stream of consciousness. Feel free to get lost.