Saturday, November 24, 2007

Thankful

Today, I'm very thankful to be surrounded by people who love me. Sounds trite, but it's true. I've learned the hard way that love should NEVER be taken for granted because honestly, you never know when the last time you say good bye or I love you to someone, will be the last time.

My biopsy came back completely benign and I'm thankful for that as well. And lemme tell you that that uterine biopsy thing is no joke so I'll do the right thing and spare you guys the gory details (most of which people reading this could figure out). But let me just say that I'd rather be in labor with no anesthesia than have to go through that again. Still, I'll need to have surgery for uterine fibroid removal which I'm very concerend about. Knowing of all the complications of surgery, I'm one of those surgery only when necessary kinda people but given the number of sick days I've had this semester, I've now run into a quality of life issue that will have to be addressed. Not only that, I haven't ruled out having another kid (Yeah I know crazy) so I need all my equipment in fine working order.

In other news, I had my interview at the NIH and it went relatively well considering one of my interviewers essentially "nailed me to the cross" and no it was NOT the primary investigator nor the person I'd be working closely with that did that. So what does "nailed to the cross" mean? That means that I spent most of the interview on the defensive and once again as was the case last year when I interviewed and was summarily rejected from UDC, it was at the hands of a Black woman. Now at this point in my life I'm all about the "show me what you got 'cause I can more than handle it" but to be perfectly honest, I'm really tired of dealing with crap from people who look like me. But the fact of the matter is that so many of us who have "arrived" feel the need to put you thorough shit as if it's some sort of ritual or something. Almost as if you not only have to prove yourself to the others but to "us" as well. Now generally speaking, I hate to put out our dirty laundry for the world to read, but the fact is that black people, no lemme check that, black women who have risen to positions of power REALLY need to STOP TRIPPIN!!!! And that's all I'm going to say about that.

Ironically, I recently ran into my old boss (from the breast cancer clinic) and she offered me my old position back. In other words, given how my exodus from cancer to infectious disease seems to not feel quite right despite the opportunities, I have to rethink what God is trying to tell me here. About 6 weeks earlier, I asked my old boss if I could volunteer in the clinic because I loved it so much and of course she agreed. But it never dawned on me that I would run into her a short time later and would be given a chance to reconsider my decision to leave in the first place. I thoroughly, thoroughly, enjoy working in the lab, reading papers, developing hypothesis, and running experiments. But to be honest at this stage of my career, trying to make my presence in the medical school curriculum a permanent one, maybe hanging out in the clinic isn't such a bad idea given that there's far LESS pressure in the clinic, a factor I hadn't really considered until recently.

People say that doubt mean don't, or in this case "pause". So until I get some clarity on a few things, I'll volunteer in the cancer clinic, step out of God's way for real this time, and let Him do his thing. I'll wrap up work on my current project, present my data in January, and kick back for a minute on the lab tip.