Sunday, May 31, 2009

Today is the 40th year from the first time John Lennon and Yoko Ono released "Give Peace a Chance", a song which was made by them for the US Government to stop the war in Vietnam. "Give Peace a Chance" was the first "solo" single released by a member of the Beatles while the band was still intact, though, technically, the artist was credited as Plastic Ono Band, not John Lennon. It reached number 14 on the pop charts in the United States. (thanks to wiki.)

Truly, John Lennon was a great loss in the music industry. He totally changed the way people think and he radically pushed through for political activism which opened the doors for some changes in the US.

I know there are a lot of Filipino musician activists in the country today I just hope they continue what they are doing by bringing people together and fight for their causes as well as inspire others to do the same thru their songs..

Thursday, May 28, 2009

It was half-past noon when I arrived at the dorm. An old woman by the name of Mrs. Lopez, or “Mrs. Lupet” as what other dormers would call her welcomed me in the receiving area. By her looks I can sense already how strict she is. We went upstairs where the rooms are located. She showed me my room and went on telling me the house rules. Doors and gates of the building closed at 11.30PM. Lights out at 12 midnight. No drugs. No smoking. No drinking. No girls. No fighting with other dorm mates. She said whatever grudge we have with other dorm mates we should settle it outside. She asked me if I understood perfectly the house rules and if I have any other questions. I just gave her a nod.

I decided to lie on my bed for awhile and take a rest. Even if the travel time took a little less than the last time I went here in Manila, I felt tired. Yes, I came from a small town in a province in the South trying my good luck here in Manila. You know when your parents found that you have good grades and your professors would recommend that you get a degree in some field, your parents would instantly yield to the advice. And so you’ll be forced to take the entrance exam at some top university in the Metro. I wondered what have happened to the education system nowadays. Seemed to me that the massive commercialism have penetrated even the top universities. Well, you won’t get hired by one of the Multinationals if you’re not a graduate of any of the top 3 Universities. Yes you can apply but you wont even get a chance to take their exam or an interview. Alright so after getting the letter from the University you’ve applied for informing that you are accepted, your parents would be more than excited to see their son get his college degree. So that’s why I’m here. Trying to give them a piece of paper after four years or so and brag about it in the neighborhood.

Minutes passed by and my eyes began to give up. But even before I could really fall into slumber, I heard a knock at my door. “Oh, c’mon, the witch is here again”, I said to myself.

I opened the door, and it was not Mrs.Lopez. A guy by the name of Kiko stood in front of me. I thought he was from the other room and want to make friends. I told to go back in awhile if he wants to chat or get along and that I need to rest.

“Oh, didn’t Mrs. Lopez told you?, Kiko said.”

“Told me what?”, I answered.

Kiko told me that he was my room mate. I felt a little dumb for a minute or two. Why didn’t I think about that I have a room mate, when there are two beds in the room.

I said sorry to him and started a conversation. I noticed that he has an acoustic guitar with him. I asked another dumb question whether he plays. He answered me back with a simple yes. I continued with the conversation, but it felt a little awkward. So I decided to stop and told him that I need to sleep.

I woke up sweating. It was around 6PM says my watch. Kiko was not in his bed. Wondered where he is, but suddenly I heard someone singing and playing the guitar. Thought the sound is coming from the balcony. Yes, there was a small balcony in each room in the dorm. I thought Mrs. Lopez could not stop guys our age from smoking, and so in order for her patron students to come back and renew their contracts with her she placed a little balcony in each room. It has become sort of a silent attraction for the student-smokers like me.

I went to the balcony and there I saw Kiko. Heard him singing a song with these lyrics:

‘Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,

And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

I kept on thinking about the title, and there it popped out of my head, “The Man who can’t be moved” by The Script. How would I forget that!? It’s the song playing on the bus when I was on the road traveling to Manila. I thought he’s really good. It seemed like he’s just talking to someone, just that there’s some melody to it. He didn’t notice I was there. Well, he’s facing towards the direction of the big buildings and establishments in the area. When he finished playing, I clapped my hands and said he truly rocks.

He stood up and said I maybe hallucinating or that I am on heroine. He said I’m in no position to tell whether he is good or not. He walked through the room and into his bed. I thought, I’ve created another awkward scene.

I followed him. I asked him if he had dinner already. He answered me back with his simple yes. I asked him again if he has plans for the night and invited him to grab some beer after I had dinner. But he declined. He said he needs to sleep early for his class tomorrow. And so I went alone.

The following morning, I rushed to the bathroom to take a quick shower. Damn, I never thought living away from the house would be that hard. Yes, I won’t be hearing my mom yelling at me to fix my closet, but no one’s there to yell at me to wake up for my class. No one’s there to cook for me one decent meal.

As expected I went to class late. Luckily I wasn’t even called in the recitations and the professor was cool enough to forgive me for being late. He seemed to have deviated from the usual power-tripping and terrorizing professors out there.

I went home at around 6PM. Knocked at the door, but no one’s opening it. So I had to get my keys. All the while I thought Kiko’s still out. But I heard the sound of the guitar again coming from the balcony.

For the second time I sneaked in. I heard he’s singing a song with these lyrics:

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friendSomewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

I thought I’ve heard the song before. Kept thinking and thinking, until I figured it’s “How to save a life” by The Fray. I’ve heard it on the nearby restaurant where I had dinner, during my first night at the dorm.

His voice is so soothing. I felt like I’m listening to a new record. I decided not to interrupt him and continued to listen. I felt that the emotions are really flowing. I felt that the song was instrumental to what he is actually feeling right now.

After finishing the song, I hurriedly went to my room. I made it sure not to give him any clue that I am sneaking in. I thought he’d go to bed right away but he didn’t. I thought he’d play again but minutes gone by, all I heard was silence. I never knew what happened next. I fell asleep.

My life away from home became routinary. But I never expected that it would be this fun. I mean I get to meet new friends in school, get to enjoy some of my classes with cool professors and sometimes make out with women. Well, of course outside the dorm. But one thing that thrills me more is when I get to listen to Kiko. The way he plays his guitar and the way he sings his heart out is so moving. There’s a certain high that I feel when I get to listen to him. A certain high which marijuana or heroine could not even give to me. It felt like I’m playing the game of “Name that tune” or “Don’t forget the Lyrics” everytime I sneaked in at him.

I don’t know what is it with Kiko. I can’t explain how I could connect with his songs when I hardly get to start a conversation with him. I am not even sure if he’d open up for me when we get to start one.

I’ve been hearing a lot of gossips in school about Kiko. I’ve heard that one time in his Laboratory class, he didn’t have any partner to work with so he did an experiment by himself. It appears that he had really established a certain distance between himself and other people. I wondered how Kiko could live in total isolation. It’s like he has considered it as his way of life. I couldn’t think of anything that might give whatever enjoyment Kiko feels when he’s alone. Well, I do get to enjoy solitude once in awhile but I don’t think I can stand it more than twenty minutes.

One night, I tried to sneak in again at him. I heard he’s playing a song that seemed to be new to my ears. I listened intently to figure out the song. I heard that the lyrics were:

I was inviting, her into my heartBut she was out riding in some other man's carShe was my night time, thought I was her star
Guess I was wrong, but see I’m strong
Won’t take me long for me to move on

I tried to think where I heard the song, and it occured to me that the song was played in the frat party I attended. It’s “Go On Girl” by Neyo. I figured that his version was far different from the original that’s why I had a hard time thinking what the song is. His was an acoustic version. Turning an RnB into an acoustic soulful version was brilliant. That night I became a fan.

From that time on I religiously sneaked in at him. He continued to impress me with his renditions. Everytime I listen to him, I am relieved with whatever stress school is giving me.

It was the exams week. As I look my class standing, I need to get an A to pass Physics and a B+ to pass Calculus. Damn, I thought how am I supposed to get them when I can’t even stay up late to study.

I tried to drink a bottle of energy drink to stay awake for my exams the following morning. As I am about to start studying, I heard the strum of Kiko’s guitar. He’s playing again. I tried to ignore it but it’s just so inviting.I sneaked in him again. I thought a few minutes couldn’t hurt my Calculus and Physics.

The song’s a little bit weird right now. I’m not sure if I heard it on the radio or watched it on MTV. There’s some reggae feel to it but sounded more like alternative to me. I heard that the lyrics were:

So don't treat me like a puppet on a string'Cause I know I have to do my thing.
Don't talk to me as if you think I'm dumb;
I wanna know when you're gonna come - soon.

What The Fuck! How could I not know the song. I just heard it the other night when I was hanging out with a girl I met in the bar. It’s from the legendary Bob Marley! It’s “Waiting in Vain.” Without noticing that time is passing by and ignoring the fact that I have to study for my exams the following morning, I stood right there and enjoyed the song.

I took the exams in Calculus at 8 in the morning and Physics at 3 in the afternoon. Good thing there was a break in between I got to review for Physics. The day was so stressful I thought I just want to go home and hit the sack.

But who could resist Kiko’s songs? Songs which are heroine for me. I sneaked in again at the balcony and started to listen. The strums of the guitar seemed a little bit slower. There’s a tone of sadness in his voice as he sings the lyrics of the song.

There is freedom within, there is freedom withoutTry to catch the deluge in a paper cup
Theres a battle ahead, many battles are lost
But youll never see the end of the road
While you’re travelling with me

I didn’t have a hard time figuring out this song. From the first note, I know it is “Don’t Dream it’s Over” by Crowded House. A song which truly means a lot to me. It brings back a lot of memories. Memories which shattered me into pieces.

At that moment, my heart melted. My eyes went gloomy, and I felt that tears start to cloud my eyes. Kiko momentarily paused. I know he felt I was just right at his back. But he continued. He went on to finish the song and paused for a few seconds. He moved his head towards my direction. He then stood up and approached me. He tapped me on my shoulder and started to start to talk.

He started to open up. He started to be as bold as everyone else, not taking great care not to touch on certain things. He told me his story and I told him mine.

I learned a lot from him. Things which no one would ever think a guy his age would have been exposed to. Experiences which no one would ever imagine a guy as aloof as him would have encountered.

I didn’t notice that we are talking for hours. I can’t believe I engaged in such conversation. The melo-drama is so much a no-no for the type of guy in me. But Kiko and his songs let me burst out the emotions I’ve been keeping for quite a long time.

By the time we went out to our beds I can see the first ray of the sun beaming at us. I thanked him for his time. I thanked him for his songs. I thanked him for trusting me with his stories. He did the same. He told me how glad he is to have shared the night together as good friends.

The following morning, I was awaken by the knock of Mrs. Lopez on my door. I looked at Kiko’s bed but he wasn’t there anymore. His bed was fixed already. His closet was empty. I wondered where’d he go.

While scratching the corner of my left eye, I opened the door. Mrs. Lopez greeted me a good morning. I noticed that she was accompanied by a guy. Mrs. Lopez started to introduce me to the guy. His name was Francis.

I asked Mrs. Lopez where did Kiko go. Mrs. Lopez went on confused. She asked me who the hell I am talking about. I told her that Kiko was my roommate and that I was just with him last night. Mrs. Lopez told me that I might be dreaming or something. She even sounded suspicious that I might be taking pot in the dorm. She told me that all throughout the semester I don’t have a room mate. I was speechless. I didn’t even know what Mrs. Lopez is saying after telling me that. Her words seemed to have mixed up and do not make sense. I can hear her voice reverberate in the four corners of the room like it was coming from the ground. I almost fainted.

I sat down in my bed while Mrs. Lopez tours the guy and tells all the crappy house rules. I catch some air and drank water. I found myself laying flat on my bed. I looked at my watch and found out it’s already noon. God, I’ve fallen asleep again. Mrs. Lopez wasn’t in the room anymore. I thought I might have been asleep when she left and didn’t want to wake me.

I looked at the other bed in the room and it’s still fixed. Same as it was that morning. I stood up and went to the closet beside mine. I was about to open the closet but I heard a sound coming from the balcony. It was a strum of a guitar, I thought. I walked my way to the balcony to find out who’s making the sound. It was Francis.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Independent Thinkersare analytical and witty persons. They are normally self-confident and do not let themselves get worked up by conflicts and criticism. They are very much aware of their own strengths and have no doubts about their abilities. People of this personality type are often very successful in their career as they have both competence and purposefulness. Independent Thinkers are excellent strategists; logic, systematics and theoretical considerations are their world. They are eager for knowledge and always endeavour to expand and perfect their knowledge in any area which is interesting for them. Abstract thinking comes naturally to them; scientists and computer specialists are often of this type.

Independent Thinkers are specialists in their area. The development of their ideas and visions is important to them; they love being as flexible as possible and, ideally, of being able to work alone because they often find it a strain having to make their complex trains of thought understandable to other people. Independent Thinkers cannot stand routine. Once they consider an idea to be good it is difficult to make them give it up; they pursue the implementation of that idea obstinately and persistently, also in the face of external opposition.

Independent Thinkers are not the type who easily comes out of his shell. Speaking about their emotional life is also not one of their strong points. Anyway, social relationships are not particularly important to them; they are happy with just a few, close friends who find it easy to share their intellectual world. They find it difficult to establish new ties. In love, they need a lot of space and independence but this does not mean that their partner is not important to them. Independent Thinkers often make a cool and reserved impression on others; but this impression is deceptive: they can hardly bear it if people close to them should reject them. They prefer a harmonious, balanced relationship with a partner who shares their interests and with whom they can realise their visions.

_______________________________________________________________________________________* Thanks to Ken for sharing the personality test.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

From the time we became aware of the world around us, we tend to be inquisitive. From our toddler years we get to ask a lot of questions which some of them are answered by our parents fit to the level of mental development we have.

Lately I’ve been asking a lot of questions. Questions which by now I should have been certain what the answer is, but for some reason or another I just can’t figure out the puzzle.

There are some questions that are capable of a straightforward answer. There are questions which need some research or study to be answerable. But there are some questions which cannot be answered by google.

History itself makes us wonder why or why not a certain event did or did not happen. Some of the mysteries of life have yet to be unraveled. Certain cases and issues in the past are yet to be closed because either people are apathetic or they just easily forget. Or maybe they have come to realized that it isn't really capable of being answered.

Maybe some of the questions in our mind our really unanswerable. Or maybe it is, we are just afraid to face the truth. The truth which would open our eyes to the realities we always try to hide even if it’s right in front of us.

Ever encountered the term subconscious? Ever thought how powerful our subconscious is? Sometimes we experience an unexplainable pressure inside us. Pressures which make us do some involuntary behaviors. Behaviors which we sometimes cannot explain why we are doing it. What we just know is that we are supposed to do it.

We all carry a certain amount of weight which we don’t recognize sometimes. Be it heavy or light we can’t seem to unload the weight in our shoulders. These loads tend to act as forces which make us do the things we do. Things we hate to admit. Things which cover up the underlying issues in our lives we just don’t want to confront.

We always want to fix everything around us, even ourselves. We always look for solutions. We always look for answers. But have we ever thought that none of us really know what we’re doing.

Maybe we should stop living our lives looking for answers. Why don’t we focus on the questions? Why don’t we take time to read between the lines? Maybe just by doing that we’d come to a realization that ‘the question is the answer’

I rarely watch movies at the cinema. I think there are some movies which are ought to be watched through your de-be-de player at the comfort of your room. I thought movies like “Marley and Me” belongs to that category. Watched the movie last night and I never expected to get a little emotional with the ending. Yeah you heard me right I get emotional with a dog. The dog is so endearing despite it being incorrigible. Maybe it’s the first time I saw a film wherein the family was so attached with their pet that his death seemed to be very painful for them. Or maybe I just miss my Labrador dog Leone.

Alright, I guess most of you guys have watched the film already and you know who the characters and the plot of the story is, because I don’t intend to make a review here. But for those who haven’t watched the film, it’s all about a dog which two married couples bought which they named Marley. They had Marley right before they get their own child, basically to learn how to handle the responsibility of taking care of a child.

So I think you got a quick look of the story already. For a more in depth review click here.

Now, I’d like to go on with the purpose of this entry. I’d like to talk about our pet animals. I guess everyone of us have experienced having a pet. From the domesticated ones, like dogs, cats or rabbits to the undomesticated and untamed creatures like snakes, tigers, iguanas and others.

More often than not we give them pet names. Some wanted it unique and some settle for a common blacky, browny, whitey, pinky. etc. depending on their body color.

Usually we became pet owners from the time the animal is still young, sometimes just about the time they were born. From then on we feed them, play with them, and cuddle them.A bond is created. We became emotionally attached with the animal as if he is our best friend, a son, or daughter, brother or a sister, one who is truly a part of the family. That’s why when the time comes that our pet needs to leave us it’s disheartening.

Being a good companion when you’re sad. A confidante when there’s no one there to turn to. When a girl you really dig dumped you, your pet is there to cuddle you. When you feel like strolling around, your pet is there to jog or walk with you.

Your pet isn’t there as a toy. You don’t even own it just because you paid for him. Your pet is your responsibility once you have ‘adopted’ him. In return for the good things you have been giving him, he’s there to accompany you mostly in times when you needed someone. You don’t even have to ask. He knows when you need him. And he’ll be there as always, even if you don’t even need him, because the pet values you as much as you value him.

The life of a pet animal is relatively shorter than ours. But despite the short span of their existence, I think if only they could talk, they’d be more than thankful for making their life more valuable than any living animal in this world. More than thankful that you have treated him like any other human being.

I’ll leave you with John Grogan’s words at the end of the movie, “A dog don’t care if you’re rich or poor, clever, dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he’ll give him yours.”

I went to St. Luke’s Hospital yesterday to visit a friend who had his brain tumor operation. Good news the operation was successful. But my friend would just have to bear the big stitches and staples in his head. I even joked at him that he’s no different than Frankenstein now, only without the screws.

While walking around the hospital I passed by the Intensive Care Unit or the ICU as commonly termed. I can’t seem to imagine the pressure of the people inside as the life of another is in their hands. A teary-eyed woman walked in front of me. I felt the grief inside her. I saw some fear in her eyes. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the agony brought about by the operation which seemed to take a lifetime.

I continued walking around. I saw a person in a hospital bed being transferred to another room. I overheard two people in disagreement about the fate of their loved one who is comatose. I wondered why they are arguing. A lot of thoughts come in my mind. Maybe they’re having difficulty paying the bills or buying the medicines. Maybe they just want to give up and just remove their loved one from the hospital and just cherish the remaining time he has at their home. I saw the patient’s eyes. He seemed aware of what’s happening around him. As if he wants to tell something. As if he wants to tell it’s time for him to leave. If only he could talk and say to them what he really wants then everything would fall in place and all are at peace.

When I see a person in coma a dead corpse just kept on running in my head. I wonder how the nurses or doctors out there have managed to keep up with their jobs when almost everyday of their lives they see a dead person.

A person in coma as they say is almost as good as dead. Without the machine which gives him oxygen, he dies. There’s practically no body movement. The normal functions of his system is not operating. No emotions. No feelings. No interaction. We hardly get any response from whatever we would want to tell him.In medicine, Comatose is a profound state of unconsciousness. A comatose person cannot be awakened, fails to respond normally to pain or light, does not have sleep-wake cycles, and does not take voluntary actions.It’s common for a person who has been in a tragic accident, say a car wreck or a victim of frustrated murder or homicide, or someone who overdosed drugs, to be in a coma. Medically speaking, the shock experienced by their body during the event caused them to be unconscious and their system disrupted. As I’ve said, practically they don’t have a life to speak of at the very moment they’re in a coma.

I have this person in mind whose life seems to have eaten him so much. He wakes up at noon. He sleeps at dawn. He hardly eats the right meal. He just sits in his couch all day. And the cycle goes on and on. I asked him in a half-jokingly manner, “Why don’t you get a life man!?

Well maybe I was right when I said that to him. Maybe he should really take it seriously. If a person in coma is almost as good as dead. I can consider him as good as a person in coma.I just wonder how a person like him could stand the way he is living his life. I’ve always believed that we all have goals in life. No matter how small or silly it is. But for someone like him who has lived his life in the four corners of his home without working his ass off, he only needs a hospital bed and a machine that could sustain his life, and his technically in coma.

A friend of a friend told me that there was this girl who hardly talks to everyone. She always walks with his head leaning towards the floor. She prevents herself from getting an eye-contact with anyone. Rumor has it that she was abused as a child after her parents got separated and she lived from one relative to another.

I pity her for being imprisoned of the pain and sorrows she is going through. I sympathize with her for all the scars she has to hide. Scars of the past which cannot anymore be corrected. Scars which made her choose to be numb. Numbness which took away her precious life at a young age. Numbness which made her no less than a person in coma.No person would want to be in a coma. Whether it be the literal and medically accepted concept of comatose or otherwise. It’s unbearable that one’s life is shut down instantly by some tragic event. Given the medical technology we have today, it’s not anymore impossible to give a person in coma a second stake at life.But unlike a person who’s technically in coma, a person, figuratively speaking, who’s life is in coma has only one hope of survival. Everything lies in his own hands. No medical intervention would save him from the condition he’s into. The treatment is yet to be known unless the person burdened by it takes some steps to go on with his life.

Moving on with life after you’ve fallen into pieces is not easy, but by being angry with the world would shatter you more. Remember that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Use all the sufferings you’ve experienced as you make yourself invincible.As I always say“this life is just too good to pass up”. SoSTAY ALIVE!

______________________________________________________________* While driving home, saw a sign on a sidewalk in España, the sign says:

"PUTA KA!, BAWAL UMIHI DITO!"

Can't stop laughing! Ramdam na ramdam ko, ang LUTONG man! haha!!! I'll share to you guys the pic once I get it from my friend. haha!!!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Waking up everyday, feeling so empty and caught up by emotions of yesterday just adds up to the irritation caused by the changing weather and the fact that I'm broke. I chose to be apathetic with all the problems that I have to face, but they just keep on lingering. It sickens me.

I thought I'd need to breathe, but breathing itself seems to get harder and harder everyday. The pre-conceived notion that a guy my age should have been on his way to the corporate ladder or better yet earning big bucks already makes me want to just leave the house and get on my feet.

I've been writing a lot of inspiring and motivating entries here, as if proclaiming I have all the authority to do so. I don't even know why I have written those entries in the first place, when in fact my life is as close to becoming miserable in just one push of a button.

Maybe I still haven't found what I'm looking for. Or maybe I don't really know what it is I am looking for. All my life, I've been competitive and determined to get what I want. But as of this moment, I feel like living the life I chose seemed to get more and more complicated every waking hour.

It's always my principle in life that when you start something you've got to finish it. I've never been a quitter. I don't even want to be called one, it pisses me off. But what if quitting is the only way to move on with your life. What if what you've started should have never been started at all.

The problem with quitting is it's not a walk in the park. Quitting entails a lot of guts and a huge amount of courage to swallow your pride and ego. Quitting is even harder if there are people involved, especially your family.

Most of us Filipinos are family-oriented. Our parents always support us with our studies all throughout College and some even with their post-graduate studies. Unlike the Caucasians who at a certain young age live independently from their parents. There are the pros and cons of living independently but I come to think that what if we are raised that way. I wonder if I'd still feel all the uncertainties I have right now. Maybe, just maybe, being alone I'd be able to make up my own decisions without even thinking about what my parents would have to say.

For almost 2 months now, I haven't communicated with the people in school. I really had a partial hiatus with my friendster, multiply and facebook accounts. I felt opening up a conversation with them would just make it difficult for me to get the breather I need. Don't get me wrong, I do miss them, especially that someone, but I thought I have to do this.

Mood swings have been a common problem with my personality. Maybe if ever I do get a check-up from a specialist I think I'd even be diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. Sometimes I just wake up and feel I hate the world and don't want to talk. Now, how insane is that?

Haay.. Blogging is the only thing I can think of that keeps me sane. Thanks Blogger!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Lourd Deveyra's "Word of the Lourd's" videos could really open everyone to the issues of our society. Despite the humorous tone of the videos, it did not fail in imparting the message he wished to send to the viewers.

Monday, May 11, 2009

A friend of mine posted this 'BRO CODE' by Barnabus "Barney" Stinson of How I met your Mother on his facebook, thought I'd share this with you guys. Barney made some sense here, though I know some articles would cause quite a stir to others. Haha!! Enjoy reading!!

Article 1: Bro's before Ho's

Article 2: A Bro is always entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of his Bros are doing it

Article 3: If a Bro gets a dog, it must be at least as tall as his knee when full-grown

Article 4: A Bro never divulges the of the Bro Code to a woman. It is a scared document not to be shared with chicks for any reason...no not even that reason.

NOTE: If you are a woman reading this, first let me apologise: it was never my intention for this book to contain so much math. Second, I urge you to look at this document for what it is-apeice of fiction meant to entertain a broad audience through the prism of stereotypical gender differences. I mean, sometimes it really is like we're from different planets! Clearly, no real person would actually beleive or adhere to the vulgar rules contained within.* Those boots are adorable, b-t-dub.

*Psst-her guys I put this in really small type at the bottom since we all know men have much better vision than women. Ignore the above-the Bro Code is definitely NOT a peice of fiction. I was simply lying to uphold this very article.

Article 5: whether he cares about sports or not, a Bro cares about sports.

Article 6: A /bro shall not lollygag if he must get naked in front of other Nros in a gym locker room

Article 7: A Bro never admits he can't drive stick. Even after an accident.

Article 8: A Bro never sends a greeting card to another Bro.

Article 9: Should a Bro lose a body part due to an accident or illness, his fellow Bros will not make lame jokes such as "Gimmee three!" or "Wow, quiiting your job like that really took a lot of ball". Its still a high five and that Bro still has a lot of balls...metaphorically speaking of course.

Article 10: A Bro will drop whatever he's doing and rush to help his Bro dump a chick.

Article 11: A Bro may ask his Bro(s) to help him move, but only after first discoling an honest estimate on both time commitment and number of large pieces of furnititure. If the Bro has vastly underestimated either, his Bros retain the right to leave his possessions where they are-in most cases, stuck in a doorway.

Article 12: Bros do no share dessert

Article 13: All Bros shall dub one of their Bros his wingman

Article 14: If a chick inquires about another Bro's sexual history, a Bro shall honor the 'Brode of silence' and play dumb. Better to have women think all men are stupid than tell the truth.

Article 15: A Bro never dances with his hands above his head.

Article 16: A Bro should be able, at any time, to recite the following reigning champions: Super Bowl, World Series, and Playmate of the Year

Article 17: A Bro shall be kind and courteous to his co-workers, unless they are beneath him on the Pyramid of Screaming

Article 18: If a Bro spearheads a beer run at a party, he is entitled to any excess monies accrued after canvassing the group

Article 19: A Bro shall not sleep with another Bro's sister. However, a Bro shall not get angry if another Bro says, "Dude, your sisters hot!"

Article 20: A Bro respects his Bros in the m,ilitary because they've selflessly chosen to defend the nation, but more to the point, because they can kick his ass sex ways to sunday.

Article 21: A Bro never shares observations about another Bro's smoking-hot girlfriend. Even if the Bro with the hot girlfriend attempts to bait the Bro by saying "she's smoking-hot, huh?" a Bro shall remain silent, because in this situation, he's the only one who should be baiting.

Article 22: There is no law that prohibits a woman from being a Bro.

Article 23 When flipping through TV channals with his Bros, a Bro is not allowed to skip past a program featuring boobs. This includes but is not limited to, exercise shows, womens athletics, and on some occasions surgery programs.

Article 24: When wearing a baseball cap, a Bro may poition the brim at either 12 or 6 o'clock. All other angles are reserved for rappers and the handicapped.

Article 25: A Bro doesnt let another Bro get a tattoo, particularly a tattoo of a girls name.

Article 26: Unless he has children, a Bro shall not wear his cell phone on a belt clip.

Article 27: A Bro never removes his shirt in front of other Bros, unless at a resort pool or the beach

Article 28: A Bro will, in a timely manner, alert his Bro to the existence of a girl fight

Article 29: If two Bros decide to catch a movie together, they may not attend a screening that begins after 4:40pm. Also despite the cost savings, they shall not split a tub of popcorn, choosing instead to procure individual bags.

Article 30: A Bro doesn't comparison shop.

Article 31: When on the prowl, a Bro hits on the hottest chick first because you just never know

Article 32: A Bro doesnt allow another Bro to get married until hes at least thirty

Article 33 When in a public restroom, a Bro (1) stares straight ahead when using the urinal; (2) makes the obligatory comment, "What is this, a chicks' restroom?" if there are more than two dudes waiting to pee; and (3) attempts to shoot his used paper towel into the trash can like a basketball...rebounding is optional.

Article 34: Bros cannot make eye-contact during a Devil's Threeway.

Article 35: A Bro never rents a chick flick

Article 36 DD: When questioned in the company of women, a Bro always decries fake breasts.

Article 37: A Bro is under no obligation to open a door for anyone. If women insist on having their own professional basketball league, then they can open their own doors. Honestly they're not that heavy

Article 38: Even in a fight to the death a Bro never punches another Bro in the groin. When a Bro gets a chicks number, he waits at least ninety-six hours before calling her.

Article 40: Should a Bro become stricken with engagement, his Bros shall stage an intervention and attempt to heal him. This is more commonly known as "a bachelor party."

Article 41: A Bro never cries (Exceptions- Watching Field of Dreams, ET or a sports legend right (only first time he retires))

Article 42: Upon greeting another Bro, a Bro may engage in a high five, fist bump, or a Bro hug, but never a full embrace.

Article 43: A Bro loves his country, unless that country isn't America.

Article 44: A Bro never applies sunscreen to another Bro

Article 45: A Bro never wears jeans to a strip club

Article 46: If a Bro is seated next to some dude who's stuck in the middle seat on an airplane, he shall yield him all of their shared armrest, unlesss the dude has (a) teken his shoes off, (b) is snoring, (c) makes the Bro get up more than once to use the lavatory, or (d) purchased headphones after they announced the in-flight movie is 27 Dresses. See Article 35.

Article 50: If a Bro should accidentally strike another Bro's undercarriage with his arm while walking, both Bros silently agree to continue on as if it never happened.

Article 51: A Bro checks out another Bro's blind date and reports back with a thumbs-up or thumbs-down

Article 52: A Bro is not required to remember another Bros birthday, though a phone call every not and again probably wouldn't kill him

Article 53: Even in a drought, a Bro flushes twice

Article 54: A Bro is required to go out with his Bros on St. Paddy's Day and other official Bro hilidays, including Halloween, New Year's Eve, and Desperation Day (February 13th)

Article 55: Even in an emergency that requires a tourniquet, a Bro never borrows from or lends clothes to another Bro.

Article 56: A Bro is required to alert another Bro if the Bro/chick Ration at a party falls below 1:1. However, to avoid Broflation, a Bro is only allowed to alert one Bro. Further, a Bro may not speculate on the anticipated Bro/Chick Ratio of a party or venue without first disclosing the present-time observed ratio.

Article 57: A Bro never reveals the score of a sporting event to another Bro unless that Bro has thrice confirmed he wants to hear it.

Article 60: A Bro shall honor they father and mother, for they were once Bro and chick. However, a Bro never thinks of them in that capacity.

Article 61: If a Bro for whatever reason becomes aware of another Bro's anniversary with a chick, he shall endeavor to make that information available to his Bro, regardless of whether he thinks his Bro already knows.

Article 62: In the event that two Bros lock on to the same target, the Bro who calls dibs first has dibs. If both call dibs at the same time, the Bro who counts aloud to ten the fastest has dibs. If both arrive at the number ten at the same time, the Bro who bought the last round of drinks has dibs. If they haven't purchased drinks yet, the taller of the two Bros has dibs. If they're the same height, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of equal length, a game of discreet Broshambo* shall determine dibs, provided the chick is still there. *Rock, paper, scissors for Bros.

Article 63: A Bro will make any and all efforts to provide his Bro with protection

Article 64: A Bro must provide his Bro with a ticket to an event if said event involves the latter Bro's favourite sports team in a playoff scenario

Article 65: A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drinks amoung Bros.

Article 66: If a Bro suffers pain due to the permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend, a Bro shall offer nothing more than a 'that sucks, man' and copious quantities of beer. A Bro will also refrain from pejorative commentary - desered or not - regarding said lady friend for a period of three months, when the requisite BACKSLIDE WINDOW has closed.

Article 67: Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing, another Bro shall point out that he is a tool.

Article 68: If a Bro be on hot streak, another Bro will do everything possible to ensure its longevity, even if that includes jeopardizing his own records, the missing of work, or, if necessary, generating a realistic fear that the end of the world is imminent. (Dry spell trumps hot streak)

Article 69: Duh.

Article 70: A Bro will drive another Bro to the airport or pick him up, but never both for the same trip. He is not expected to be on time, help with luggage, or inquire about his Bro's trip or general well-being.

Article 71: As a courtesy to Bros the world over, a Bro never brings more than two other Bros to a party.

Article 72: A Bro never spell-checks.

Article 73: When a group of Bros are in a restaurant, each shall engage in the time-honored ritual of jockeying to pay the bill, regardless of affordability. When the group ultimately decides to divide the check, each Bro shall act upset rather that enormously relieved.

Article 74: At a red light, a Bro inches as close as possible to the rear bumper of the car infront of him, and then immediately honks his horn when the light turns green. That way if another Bro is several cars behind, he'll have a better chance of making it through the intersection before the light turns red again.

Article 75: A Bro automatically enhances another Bro's job description when introducing him to a chick.

Article 76: If a Bro is on the phone with a chick while in front of his Bros and, for whatever reason, desires to say "I love you" he shall first excuse himself from the room or employ a subsonic barry white-esque tone

Article 77: Bros don't cuddle

Article 78: A Bro shall never rack jack his wingman

Article 79: At a wedding, Bros shall reluctantly trudge out for the garter toss and feign interest for the benefit of the chicks present. Whichever Bro gets stuck with the garter shall lightheartedly pretend he's not horrified at the thought of being the next one to drop before scurrying to the bar for a very stiff drink and/or shots.

Article 80: A bro shall make every effort to aid another Bro in riding the tricycle, short of completing the tricycle himself.

Article 81: A Bro leaves the toilet seat up for his Bros

Article 82: If two Bros get into a heated argument over something and one says something out of line, the other shall not expect him to take it back or apologise to make amends. That's inhuman.

Article 83: A Bro shall, at all costs, honor the Platinum Rule: Never, ever, ever, ever " love" thy neighbor. In particular, a Bro shall never mix it up romantically with a co-worker.

Article 85: If a Bro buys a new car, he is required to pop the hood when showing it off to his Bros.

Article 86: When a Bro meets a chick he shall endeavor to find out where she fits on the Hot/Crazy Scale before pursuing her.

Article 87: A Bro never questions another Bro's stated golf score, maximum bench press, or height. He can however, ask the Bro to prove it, traditionally in the form of a wager.

Article 88: If a Bro, for whatever reason must drive another Bro's car, he shall not adjust the preprogrammed radio stations, the mirrors, or the seat position, even if this last requirement results in the Bro trying to drive the vehicle as a giant praying mantis would.

Article 89: A Bro shall always say yes in support of a Bro

Article 90: A Bro shows up at another Bro's party with at least one more unit of alcohol than he plans to drink. So if a Bro plans on chugging a six pack, he shall bring a six pack plus at least one can of beer. If the party sucks and/or there are too many dudes, the Bro is entitled to leave with his alcohol, though etiquette dictates he should wait until nobody is looking.

Article 91: If a group of Bros suspect that their Bro is trying to give himself a nickname, they shall rally to call him by an adjacent yet more demeaning nickname

Article 92: A Bro keeps his booty calls at a safe distance

Article 93: Bros don't speak French to one another

Article 94: If a Bro is in the bathroom and runs out of toilet paper, another Bro may toss him a new roll, but at no point may their hands touch or the door open more than 30 degrees

Article 95: A Bro shall alert another Bro to the presence of a chesty woman regardless of whether or not he knows the Bro. Such alerts may not be administered verbally. (The shoes tap, The eye redirect, The swift shin kick *D cups and up only, please*)

Article 96: Bros shall go camping once a year, or at least attempt to start a fire

Article 97: Where a Bro went to college is going to kick his Bro's college's ass all over the field this weekend

Article 98: A Bro never lies to his Bros about the hotness of chicks at a given social venue or event

Article 99: A Bro never asks for directions when lost

Exception: A Bro may ask for directions for a hot chick who seems to know the area

Exception: A Bro may ask for directions from a hot chick even if she also appears lost

Exception: A Bro may ask for directions from a hot chick even if he is not lost at all.

Article 100: When pulling up to a stoplight, a Bro lowers his window so that all might enjoy his music selection.

Corollary: If there happens to be a hot chick driving the car next to the Bro, the Bro shall pull his sunglasses down to get a better look. If he's not wearing his sunglasses, he will first put them on, then pull them down to get a better look.

Article 101: If a Bro asks another Bro to keep a secret, he shall take that secret to his grave* This is what makes them Bros, not chicks

*And beyond if the Bro discovers there is indeed life after death.

Article 102: A Bro shall take great care in selecting and training his wingman.

Article 103: A Bro never wears socks with sandals. He commits to one cohesive footgrear plan and sticks with it.

Article 104: The mom of a Bro is always off-limits. But the stepmom of a Bro is fair game if she initiates and /or is wearing at least one article of leopard print clothing...provided she looks good in it...but not if she smokes menthol cigarettes

Article 105: If a Bro is not invited to another Bro's wedding, he doesn't make a big deal out of it, even if, let's face it, he was kind of responsible for setting up the couple and had already picked out the perfect wedding gift and everything. Its cool. No big whoop.

Article 106: Given an option on quantity when ordering a beer with his Bros, a Bro always selects the largest size available or shall never hear the end of it that night

Article 107: A Bro never leaves another Bro hanging

Article 108: If a Bro forgets a guy's name he may call him "brah","dude", or "man" but never "Bro"

Article 109: When Bros attend a sporting event and see themselves on the JumboTron, they shall purse their lips and flex their biceps while informing the crowd that their team is number one, despite any objective rankings to the contrary.

Article 110: If a Bro is hitting it off with a chick, his Bro shall do anything within his means to ensure the desired outcome

Article 111: If a Bro discovers another Bro has forgotten to sign out of his email the Bro will sign out for him, but only after first sending a few angry emails to random contacts and then deleting all sent messages.

Article 112: A Bro doesnt sing along to music in a bar.

Exception: A Bro may participate in karaoke

Exception to exception: No chick songs

Article 113: A Bro abides by the accepted age-difference formula when pursuing a young chick

Acceptable age difference formula

Chick's age = Guy's age divided by 2, + 7

(Shall add chart shortly)

Article 114: If a Bro must crash on his Bro's couch for an extended period of time, he shall offer to split the cost of toilet paper and the cable bill if said period exceeds two weeks. If he stays longer than a month, he shall offer to contribute some rent. If he stays longer than two months, he shall sheam clean the couch or have it incinerated, whichever is more applicable

Article 116: A Bro shall not kill another Bro or a Bros chances to score with a chick

Article 117: A Bro never willingly relinquishes possession of a remote control. If another Bro desires a channel change, he may verbally request one or engage in the fools errand of getting up to manually change the channel

Article 118: When a Bro is with his Bros he is not a vegetarian

Article 119: When three Bros must share the backseat of a car, it is unacceptable for any Bro to put his arm around another Bro to increase space. Likewise, it is unacceptable for two Bros to share a motorcycle, unless said motorcycle is equipped with a sidecar...a Brotorcycle

Article 120: A Bro always calls another Bro by his last name

Article 121: Even if he's never skied before, a Bro doesn't trifle with the bunny slope.

Article 122: A Bro is always psyched. Always.

Article 123: Two Bros shall maintain at least a three-foot radius between them while dancing on the same floor, even when reenacting the knife fight from "Beat It" which, I guess, two Bros shouldn't do anyway, or at least not very often.

Article 124: If a Bro should shoot an air ball, strike out while playing softball, or throw a gutter ball while Bowling, he is required to make some sort of excuse for himself.

Article 125: If a Bro is driving ahead of another Bro in a Bro TRain, he is required to attempt to lose him in traffic as a funny joke.

Article 126: In a scenario where two or more Bros are watching entertainment of the adult variety, one Bro is forbidden from intentionally or unintentionally touching another Bro in ANY capacity. This may include but is not limited to: the high five, the fist bump or the confratulary gluteal pat. Winking is also kind of a no-no.

Article 127: A Bro will always help another Bro reconstruct the events from the previous night, unless those events entail hooking up with an ugly chick or the Bro repeatedly saying "I love you, man" to all his Bros.

Article 128: A Bro never wears two articles of clothing at the same time that bear the same school name, vacation destination or sports team. Even in a laundry emergency, its preferred that a Bro go out half naked rather than violate this code...half naked from the waist up, naturally.

Article 129: If a Bro lends another Bro a DVD, video game, or piece of laawn machinery, he shall not expect to ever get it back, unless his Bro happens to die and bequeath it back to him.

Article 130: If a Bro learns another Bro has been in a traffic accident, he must first ask what type of car he collided with and whether it got totaled before asking if his Bro is okay.

Article 131: While a Bro is not expected to know exactly how to change a tire, he is required to at least drag out the jack and stare at the flat for a while. If he needs to consult the car's ownership manual to locate the jack, he shall do so from inside the car, where he is not visible to passersby and where he can discreetly call a tow truck, after which it is recommended that he hide the jack by the side of the road so he'll have a legitimate excuse when the tow truck arrives.

Article 132: If a Bro decides to let all of his Bros down and get married, he is required to invite them to the wedding, even if this directly violates the wishes of his fiancée and results in a "no sex" penalty or whatever lame domestic punishment couples might employ

Article 133: A Bro only claims a fart after first accusing at least one other Bro.

Article 134: A Bro is entitled to use a woman as his wingman

Article 135: If a scenario arises in which a Bro has promised two of his Bros permanent shotgun, one of the following shall determine the copitot: (1) foot race to the car, (2) silent auction or in the case of a road trip exceeding 450 miles, (3) a no-holds-barred cage match to the death.

Article 136: When interrogated by a girlfriend about a bachelor party, a Bro shall offer nothing more than an uninterested "It was okay"

Article 137: When hosting, a Bro orders enough pizza for all his Bros

Article 138: A real Bro doesn't laugh when a guy gets hit in the groin.

Exception: Unless he doesn't know the guy.

Article 139: Regardless of veracity, a Bro never admits familiarity with a Broadway show or musical, despite the fact that, yes, "Broadway" begins with "Bro"

Article 140: A Bro reserves the right to simply walk away during the first five minutes of a date. (Lemon Law)

Article 141: A Bro can only get a manicure if (a) he's trying to sleep with the hot Asian woman performing the manicure, or (b) its been longer than a month since his last manicure. Its called the Bro Code, not the slob Code.

Article 142: A Bro shall seek no revenge if he passes out around his Bros and wakes up to find marker all over his face.

Article 143: When executing a high five a bRo is forbidden from intertwining fingers of grasping his Bro's hand

Article 144: It is unacceptable for two Bros to share a hotel bed without first exhausting all couch, cot, and pillows-on-floor combinations. If it's still unavoidable, they shall prevent any incidental spoonage by arm wresting to determine who sleeps under the covers. Once decided each Bro shall don as many lower layers as possible before silently fist bumping the other good night.

Article 145: A Bro is never offended if another Bro fails to return a phone call, text or email in a timely fashion

Article 146: A Bro refrains from using too much detain when relating sexual exploits to his Bros

Article 147: If a Bro sees another Bro get into a fight, he immediately has his Bro's back

Exception: If his Bro has picked a fight with a scary looking guy

Exception: If this is the third fight (or more) his Bro has gotten into that week)

Exception: If the Bro has a note from a physician excusing him from having anybody's back

Article 148: A Bro doesnt listen to chick music...in front of other Bros. When alone, a Bro may listen to, say, a Sarah McLachlan album or two, but only to gain valuable insights into the female psyches, not because he finds her melodies tragically haunting yet curiously uplifting at the same time.