But in spirit of the season, the Anchor Desk offers the same advice of the worthless family friend to Benjamin Braddock in The Graduate:

Plastic

Gift cards are the Every Gift, appropriate and distinct for every one by being undefined and vague for every one.

Sales of gift cards are are expected to fall 5.3 percent this year, but it’s still a $24.9 billion business. Retailers like gift cards because they make sales today without the need for inventory on the shelves today. A gift card is money in their bank, and there’s always a chance the recipient will forget to use it, or not use it all.

But they’re trying. To juice sales in a dour retail climate, some retailers, such as Applebees, are offering bonuses — $10 free on top of every $50 spent.

For you, a gift card is a no-brainer, both in terms of thoughtfulness and decision-making.

Instead of spending hours agonizing over presents, trying to guess the

taste and mood of recipients, you can go to a store such as Target or

Best Buy, stand in a single line for a few minutes, and do all of your

shopping at once. And everyone gets what they want. Heck, if they like

music, you can pick up those gift cards — iTunes or Napster — in

a convenience store while you’re stocking up on malt liquor for Thursday.

The gift card combines freedom

and choice with a time machine that also reads minds. It’s lack of

personality, thoughtfulness and specificity make it the perfect gift

for anyone. It allows the recipient to define themselves rather than

you doing it for them.

Some people decry the gift card as a de-personalized experience. To those critics, I say “Get bent and buy yourselves crappy