oh him again

Glenn Beck has this whole government shutdown thing figured out: unlike every other government shutdown that resulted in Washington DC museums and monuments being closed to the public, this shutdown is actually the first phase of a Marxist Communist revolution being plotted by a cabal of “Marxist revolutionaries” who have cleverly calculated Marxist Communist ways to “inflict the most pain” on all Americans. If you need proof, said Beck, just look at the World War II Memorial, which is not only closed, but actually has “armed guards around it.”

“I want you to understand you are now seeing what I told you about three weeks ago. I told you they have gone from nudge to shove … Your next step is shoot.”

Beck left out the minor detail that WWII veterans are being allowed to enter the memorial, because why would Marxist revolutionaries allow something like that?

“Any sane, non-psychotic person says, ‘Just open up [the memorial], let those people go. We lost that one.’ They didn’t. They put more chips on the table.”

A sane, no-psychotic person might even interpret the decision to allow vets in as a reasonable measure and a recognition that there’s nothing to be gained by keeping them out.

Beck, of course, charges down the slippery slope to hint that the next step will be machinegun nests on the National Mall, because that makes a much better story. It only stands to reason that Obama’s radical regime is preparing for mass murder so that they can force people to buy health insurance:

According to the best practices of Glenn Beck research methodology (i.e., pulling stuff out of our ass), we calculate that this is at least the seven hundredth time that Glenn Beck has warned that the Obama administration is on the verge of committing genocide.

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).
He loves upvoting your comments but Disqus is broken and his upvotes don't "stick." Just assume he upvoted what you said, because it was excellent and witty.