You may have read by now the official lie about this treatment, which is that it â€œsimulatesâ€ the feeling of drowning. This is not the case. You feel that you are drowning because you are drowningâ€”or, rather, being drowned, albeit slowly and under controlled conditions and at the mercy (or otherwise) of those who are applying the pressure. The â€œboardâ€ is the instrument, not the method. You are not being boarded. You are being watered. This was very rapidly brought home to me when, on top of the hood, which still admitted a few flashes of random and worrying strobe light to my vision, three layers of enveloping towel were added. In this pregnant darkness, head downward, I waited for a while until I abruptly felt a slow cascade of water going up my nose. Determined to resist if only for the honor of my navy ancestors who had so often been in peril on the sea, I held my breath for a while and then had to exhale andâ€”as you might expectâ€”inhale in turn. The inhalation brought the damp cloths tight against my nostrils, as if a huge, wet paw had been suddenly and annihilatingly clamped over my face.

This morning on Fox & Friends, co-hosts Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade called Jacques Steinbergâ€™s June 28 New York Times article on Fox Newsâ€™s declining ratings a â€œhit piece,â€ adding that Steinberg and Times editor Steven Reddicliffe are â€œattack dogs.â€ During the segment, Fox aired blatantly distorted photos of Steinberg and Reddicliffe with their teeth yellowed, eyes blackened, and facial features exaggerated:

In order to create a distraction, MacGyver connects a self-inflating life jacket, a self-inflating boat, and a signal flare together so that as the life jacket inflates it pulls the ripcord off the boat. This serves as a time-delay mechanism. As the boat inflates it sets off the pen flare.

MacGyver and the people of a village he is protecting create a trap using a bamboo pipe with holes drilled along its length, “fire ash”, and “rice alcohol”. The fire ash and rice alcohol are ejected through the holes in the pipe by a car exhaust, creating a smoke screen and irritating the eyes of their attackers.

To slow down their attackers, MacGyver places a large tree branch across the access road to the village. Using some cord wrapped around the triggers, he hooks the branch up to some AK-47 assault rifles pointing toward the road at ground level. When the soldiers try to move the branch, they inadvertently pull the cord and the guns shoot out their jeeps’ tires. To bring down a helicopter gunship, MacGyver lassos a metal cable onto the helicopter’s landing rails and connects the cable to a jeep’s winch. By winding in the winch, he pulls the helicopter to the ground.

Shannen Coffin: From the first moment of the film, my kids were bombarded with leftist propaganda about the evils of mankind. Itâ€™s a shame, too, because the robot had promise. The story was just awful, however.

Greg Pollowitz: It was like a 90-minute lecture on the dangers of over consumption, big corporations, and the destruction of the environment. â€¦ Much to Disneyâ€™s chagrin, I will do my part to avoid future environmental armageddon by boycotting any and all WALL-E merchandise and I hope others join my crusade.

Dirty Harry: Have we lost Pixar? Have we lost the wonderful studio who brought us The Incredibles and Ratatouille to Bush Derangement Syndrome? Here you have a winning streak going back ten-years, enormous amounts of public goodwill, equal amounts of credibility as serious storytellers, and they stop things cold, yanking you out of the story with the liberal nonsense. Quite a disappointment.

Infinite punishment is infinite cruelty, endless injustice, immortal meanness. To worship an eternal goaler hardens, debases, and pollutes even the vilest soul. While there is one sad and breaking heart in the universe, no good being can be perfectly happy.