A College Is Offering Zombie 101

Aren’t you tired of all the useless classes offered by university? Business. Marketing. “Philosophy.” What do those things even mean? And how are they going to help you when the earth is besieged by zombies?

Now, yes, the students will be watching 16 classic zombie movies. So at least they’ll know a little bit about how people respond to things during WWZ. But that’s theoretical, people. I don’t understand why they’re not taking field trips to the shooting range. Or learning how household objects like hammers can be effective in the slaying of zombies.

Blumberg talks a lot about how different kinds of zombies represent societal trends. As if we just made them up! Hah! That’s what zombies want people to think. Look: zombies are real. Ant zombies first, then people zombies.

What these students really need to be doing is comitting Max Brook’s Zombie Survival Guide to memory. Quick! What’s the best vehicle to escape a zombie infestation? A bicycle. See, having that kind of inormation at the tip of your fingers is what seperates survivors from brain-food.

Step it up, Blumberg. Step it up or leave your students to become one of the shuffling throng.