Not a recipe for an old house (Crockpot deconstructed cabbage rolls)

April 12, 2017

Disclaimer. Don't let the backstory make you think this is not a good recipe to make.

I live in an old house. Not as old as my 1800's historic home, but it was built in the very early 1900's. It has a bit of a lean and a wonky back door in my kitchen and my front door has an open old keyhole. Gentleman Caller™ has now created a solution(!) for my back door because there is a lot of daylight coming through and it is getting close to roach season. I am deathly afraid of roaches. And now because of this recipe, I know I am not crazy to think I needed a fix. I am so grateful for him and his power tools!

I caught some cabbage at the St. Patrick's Day parade and wanted to use it up and not let it go to waste. I looked in my pantry and freezer and decided to make some deconstructed cabbage rolls. I had a Sweet Swine of Mine meeting on the evening that I planned to make this so I offered to bring dinner. And since I wanted to work out too, I put it in my crock pot.

Well I came home and my house was completely buzzing with flies. Like an excessive amount of flies. I thought I had accidentally left my door open but it was closed. They were just flying around, not swarming on something. What in the world? I freaked out and yelled expletives at my dog thinking she has pooped in the house. Nope. It was the damn cabbage. It was so smelly that they came in through the cracks of the house and could not get out. Luckily I got them all out, and the dinner was actually WAY tastier than it smelled.

The ladies all loved it and it was really good leftover. Why does cabbage have to be so dang smelly! I put a very small amount of rice in it to soak up excess water but you can add more to make it a true cabbage roll. Did this story gross you out too much? Sorry if it did. Please still read on and keep an open mind! Full recipe to follow the montage.

Everything's better with cheese on top!

A simple cast of characters.

This clearly makes a ton. And it was free!

Throw in your meat and rice and onion and try your best to mix it up.

Add in tomatoes, salt and pepper and garlic. I also added a splash of red wine vinegar.

The green chiles were a last minute good choice. Mix it up again and set it and forget it.

8 hours later, you have this. And if you live in a creaky old house, maybe flies.

I parceled some out in a container and melted cheese on top! Yum!

Crockpot Deconstructed Cabbage rolls (Made up by Me!)

One had green cabbage, outer leaves removed

One pound ground meat of your choice (I used beef and pork)

One onion, cut into large chunks

4 cloves garlic, minced

One can diced tomatoes

1/4 cup uncooked rice (or more, up to a cup, if you want to actually notice there is rice in it)

One small can diced green chiles

2 tablespoons red wine vinegar

Chop your cabbage into chunks. Spray crockpot with nonstick spray. Add cabbage. Add ground meat and onions and stir to break up and combine with the cabbage. Add the diced tomatoes (do not drain), rice, garlic, green chiles and red wine vinegar and stir to combine. Place crock pot on low for 7-8 hours. Served topped with shredded cheese of choice (I used monterey jack)