Random thoughts from a few cantankerous American physicians. All contributors are board certified. Various specialties are represented here. I do not know where this will lead but hope it will at least be an enjoyable read. All of the names mentioned in this blog are pseudonyms, the ages have been changed, and in half the cases the gender as well. All photographs are published with patient consent or are digitally altered to preserve anonymity. Trust us, we're doctors.

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Tuesday, January 16, 2007

A tiny Bob Marley look-alike walked into the ED the other night after being 'cut' by his girlfriend. Tiny Bob was 21 and had dreadlocks and the whole look going on. He wasn't badly hurt but he was very worried about his rep with his home-slices. He also didn't want me to sew up his cuts or stick him with needles.

In the meantime the police came into the room and Tiny Bob tried to be the good guy and take all the blame for the cuts he received at the hands of the angry girlfriend. He told them that he hit her first and she was just trying to defend herself. This story was inconsistent with the wounds he received (for one he was stabbed in the back of the thigh, no doubt as he was running away), but he stuck to it. The result was that he got arrested for domestic assault, and with the record he already had, he will probably go to prison.

The second result was that his girlfriend was also arrested for assault with a deadly weapon after she showed up in the ED with a small cut to her finger. Good thinking Tiny Bob.

The coup-de-grace for the interaction took place as I was sewing up his four lacerations...

Me: "So, do you like Bob Marley?"Patient: "Who's dat?"Me: "You know, the famous reggae singer?"Patient: "What's dat?"Me: "You know, Jamaican music?"Patient: "Jamaica??"Me: "Are you a rastafarian?"Patient: " What's dat?"Me: "You know, the religion some Jamaicans have... that's where dreadlocks come from."Patient: "Dreadlocks???"Me: "Yeah, the way you have your hair, it's called dreadlocks..."Patient: "Huh?"Me: "I guess you just like your hair in that style, huh?"Patient: "Yeah."

Even though Tiny Bob was didn't know Bob Marley from Adam, was not a fan of reggae, was not a rastafarian, and didn't know what dreadlocks are, I'm fairly sure he smokes a lot of pot.