Spoof news stories from Tuesday 1 May 2007

Fallen entertainer Boy George has been sentenced to public flogging for his recent alleged assault on a 28 year old man in his home. Judge Wilberforce Pinkston-Smyth today declared that following several arrests and a spate of community service, he f...

Tokyo, Japan - (Ass Mess): Forty nine magicians belonging to the National Magic Circle of Japan are suing a TV broadcaster for revealing to Japanese movie star Maiko Kawakami that the $2,000 new breed 'poodle' she bought recently was really a...

Hollywood - (Ass Mess): Official: Pantyless party girls have got right up Bruce Willis's nose. But the Die Hard star is fighting back and vowing to Go Commando to redeem those PR ratings that he says he's been robbed of by 'foxy little c...

Alaska - (Ass Mess): Juneau, the Alaskan town named after the goddess wife of Jupiter, King of the Gods in the Roman pantheon of deities, is up in arms at the vast scale of cover-ups concerning Corrupt Bastards Club patronage by the VECO Alaska Const...

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - BAGHDAD, Iraq - As reports of a hundred being killed in sectarian violence in Iraq, President Bush says it's just a misunderstanding, like the reasons for going to Iraq in the first place.

NEWARK, OH (AP Newsliar) -- Archaeologists working in south central Ohio have found what may be the earliest audio recording ever discovered. The recording is etched into the surface of a large clay ceremonial burial pot, uncovered near the Newark e...

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington, D.C. - Democrats have threatened to use impeachment to force George W. Bush to withdraw the troops in Iraq. "Since we failed to reach, we must impeach," shouted Clinton and Obama. We are tired of Bush tr...

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Hollywood - Mr. T has released a new Snickers commercial where he drives up in a tank, smashing cars, popping up, and hitting a honkey on the head with a Snickers bar while screaming insults at the boy. He then gets back in th...

Washington, DC - In a startling political move, the United States Congress has made a decision to do away with the highly polar annual speech given by the President. January 2008 will mark the first time in 218 years Congress will not be addressed.

London - (Ass Mess): BP oil chief and imminent honorary member of the Corrupt Bastards Club Lord Browne faces potential perjury charges following today's news that he lied to the High Court over how he met his gay lover.

Today scientists found life on Mars yet again. They were looking at Mars through their telescopes this morning when they saw a massive green shape, which was revolving, float across the red planet's surface.

We've all heard phrases like 'This is a solution to leverage new opportunities in the target sector" haven't we. Is it a form of language that we need to learn if we are to 'get on', or is it just a load of bollocks!...

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. - Dick Cheney bought 100,000 shares of Viacom yesterday to give as a gift to his grandchild-to-be. He listed the name of the grandchild, for some reason, as "Mini-me." After purchasing the stoc...

CBS executives are attempting to dispel rumors that the writer for the Evening News is required to overpunctuate Katie Couric's news scripts with a plethora of exclamation points and other personality-inducing cues.

Kentucky - (Ass Mess): As a huge wall of money began flooding the betting market ahead of Saturday's running of the 133rd Kentucky Derby ante-post odds have begun some dramatic fluctuations amid reports that a massive corruption scandal is about...

Idiots queued for hours last night outside Top Shop to buy the latest tat at over inflated prices all for the sake of fashion. The new Kate Moss collection launched at top shop has caused quite a stir amongst fashion twerps.

Nassau, Bahama - (Ass Mess): Californian photographer Larry Birkhead is all set to take his baby daughter Dannielynn home to Kentucky to meet the family and to be presented to Queen Elizabeth who is due to visit the Blue Grass State later in the week...

CAPITOL HILL (Disassociated Press) - Libocrat leaders in both Houses of Congress are in a state of shock and awe! They have all-of-a-sudden unanimously come to the conclusion that not having George Bush around after 2008 will complet...

World News Orifice: - A leaked memo from The White House to Whitehall seems to have confirmed what some conspiracy theorists have thunked for a while now, that something is afoot and needs to be taken in hand, vis-à-...

"Chill Out!", the modern advice to relax and let it be may have been the death knell of the reptiles in the last great ice age. As temperatures slowly dropped lizards and their larger cousins hardly noticed that their blood flow began to sl...

Appalachiawood has burst on the film-making scene with its shocking though predictable incesto- gaypics. Hollywood has gotten away with its share of ethicstretching and Asian Indian Bollywood sings and dances its colorful way to barrier-breaking. App...

Modern Art and Post Modern Art and now Post Mordern Art has always broken the rules to shout its newest, latest meaning. . . Impressionism, Post Impressionism, Expressionism, Abstract Expressionism and now an art movement named after Moe Mordern and...