Ask E. Jean: How Do I Broach the Subject of an Open Marriage?

Dear E. Jean: My wife has refused to have sex with me for the past eight years.

We had a real romance with joy and lots of physical intimacy. We could afford au pairs and maids, and my wife relishes her fulfilling career. The sex was great. I initiated most of it, but when she put on a new nightgown or took a quick soak in the bath, it was her way of signaling she'd like to make love.

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About 10 years ago, she began to show less and less interest. When we tried counseling, she said out loud, "I just don't feel like it, and he can take care of his own needs." We are now in our third decade of marriage and our children are grown. I'm so tempted to try Match.com.—Why Not?

Why, my man: I realize that America is a mad, monogamy-crazed country and that everyone from your vicar to the League of Women Voters is straining to subdue your rampant urges, but dude—come on! You've got a raw deal. Eight years? You've reached the statute of limitations. Are you waiting for Auntie Eeee to give you permission?

Okay­—I give you my permission.

And your wife? Let the woman continue to relish the thrill of not banging you; it's okay, really. Many women (even in their twenties and thirties) find it a huge relief not to be bothered. Heck, I enjoyed an inventive, histrionic 14-year marriage with my first husband, and we didn't romp in the begonias for the last seven of it. And do I even need to mention that many dynamic women become quite cross when professional numbskulls—therapists, drug manufacturers, etc.—tell them they "should" feel like sexpots?

Open a bottle of champagne. You're about to renegotiate the ground rules of your marriage and set new terms, and anything less than a $50 bottle would be déclassé. Be humble. This is not the time for—pardon me—dick swinging. State your dreams and expectations in plain English: "I want to have a fling." Your wife may stare at you in silence. Or she may throw her arms around you, press her pelvis against yours, and cry, "Oh my God! You too?" Or she may try to get you committed. Keep talking: When you open the gates of the matrimonial lockdown, all sorts of surprises come to light.

Good luck. And by the way, when you go on Match.com, please tell your paramours you're married. Half the chaps swaggering around these sites lie about being hitched. At least you can tell the truth.