Breast cancer patient Jill Brzezinski-Conley, who has had a mastectomy but still faces incurable cancer, brings her message of self acceptance to the young women of Assumption High School in Louisville. (Jessica Ebelhar/The Courier-Journal)

By Laura Ungar, The Courier-Journal;
9:58 a.m. EST February 27, 2014

Buy Photo

Breast cancer patient Jill Brzezinski-Conley tells students at Assumption High School on Wedneday that her mission before she dies is to share her belief that true beauty is about confidence and kindness.(Photo: photos by Jessica Ebelhar/The Courier-Journal)Buy Photo

Jill Brzezinski-Conley recalled the pain of self-consciousness as she stood in an airport, her stubbly, post-chemotherapy hair drawing stares and whispers. She rarely wore a scarf, but wanted one then.

"Being mean or laughing at other people is so hurtful," Conley told about 280 freshmen and senior girls at Assumption High School on Wednesday. "Don't ever feel like you're not worthy. Every one of you guys are worthy. Every one of you is so beautiful."

Conley, whose journey with incurable breast and bone cancer is being chronicled by The Courier-Journal, was invited to the Catholic school by teacher Jody Schaefer, who heard her speak at a recent Norton Healthcare event. She said the girls are focusing on ideas of beauty, body image, service and reaching their potential, and Conley's message fit perfectly.

Conley's mission is to share her belief that true beauty is about confidence and kindness, which can never be erased, even by cancer. She has spread that message to audiences around the nation, while also educating people about early cancer detection.

Conley, 36, of St. Matthews, recalled her high school days, peppering her talk with humor. Shortness of breath forced her to speak sitting down.

She spoke of standing in front of a mirror after her 2009 breast-cancer diagnosis, the day before her double mastectomy, wondering if she would ever feel like a woman again.

"I remember staring at myself and saying, 'These girls are on me for 32 years. They're going to be gone tomorrow,'" she said, referring to her breasts. "... God was testing me about my self-esteem."

She said she knows young women are concerned about hair, clothes and looks, but living with cancer has taught her that physical appearance is meaningless compared with friendship, family and love.

She said all three have carried her through grueling treatments, including chemotherapy, radiation, breast-implant surgery and the loss of one implant burned beyond repair by her radiation treatment. And they provided hope when, despite all the treatment, the cancer returned in her bones, and in recent months recurred in the lining of a lung.

Medical setbacks have continued this month. About a week ago, Conley began feeling a pain in her back that she described as "something sitting on my spine."

It was so painful she woke up crying one day, and her husband, Bart Conley took her to the emergency room at Norton Suburban Hospital. An MRI scan provided no answers, she said, and she's hoping to get a PET scan soon to find out if the cancer has continued to spread.

Bart Conley recently lost his job, along with the couple's health insurance. He is following up on job leads and hopes to land a position soon. She has qualified for Medicare disability that is paying for her care, with drug coverage set to kick in Saturday.

During this difficult time, Conley said, she's received gifts, calls and prayers from high school friends.

"I did not have one enemy in high school. I was so nice to everybody," she said. "It's so important for you to be so nice to each other."

Conley also talked to the students about cancer prevention. She urged them to learn the signs of breast cancer, which include not only a breast lump but also an inverted nipple, as she had. She urged the students to eat well, avoid drugs and alcohol, and stay away from tanning booths to reduce the risk of skin cancer.

"I'm saying to you what I wish someone had said to me when I was in ninth grade," she said.

Conley also talked about the love and support she's received from her husband, who provided basic care when she couldn't even bathe or go to the bathroom alone.

"We've had so many unbelievable memories. It's not always like a fairy tale," she said. "It's tested us in so many ways. But he's such a good man. So thank you, Bart."

Beth Hicks, the counselor for ninth-graders at Assumption, told Jill Conley that she reached the girls on their level and made a deep impression.

"You were so real. And you were able to relate to them," she said.

Freshman Kourtney Dwyer, 15, said Conley is an inspiration to all girls her age.

"It's not just that she has cancer. She smiles and she lives life to the fullest. She takes it head-on. And she has a wonderful husband," Kourtney said. "I think she's earned 200-some-odd supporters today."