Thursday, March 27, 2014

For when you need The Stench-Pits Beneath Verbotenburg to be accessible from level eight of The Forbidden Laboratory Facility of Hazmax the Unstable

d12
1. Maze-like tunnels in constant state of flux burrowed by giant stone-ants cursed with perpetual gold fever by the earth gods, smell gold w/in 100', relentlessly pursue treasure laden adventurers, constantly loading random dungeon rooms w/debris in lieu of ant-hill
2. Sorcerer w/bio-mechanical mole machine and array of detection spells made trips from one juicy treasury to the next, leaving 10'round passages in wake, huge scorched zone where mech-mole finally blew up
3. Wicked iron-dwarfs tunnel up from below, install magma pipeline, extort tribute from dungeon powers-that-be with threats of molten doom, deep hub accesses several dungeons
4. Everyone knows colossal chthonic worms, compelled by the gods to forever circle the earth in subterranean orbit, often inadvertently chew connections between disparate dungeons, can't be stopped, worm-prediction sorcery, constant repairs just the cost of doing business
5. UFO materialized in evil wizard's lair on deep level instead of expected demon, used disintegration field to bore its way to freedom, but not before intersecting with nearby complex, disintegrating the Dungeon Overlord in the process, creating frantic power vacuum situation w/much backstabbery and preemptive striking among the factions
6. No one knows why the migratory laser-trolls blast their why from dungeon to dungeon, probably something to do with their complex reproductive cycle, too gross to contemplate
7. Very friendly giant sentient fish in mythic underground river willing to swallow adventurers, transport to adjacent dungeon, regurgitate, no payment required, they just love to do it
8. System of totally automatic superconductor-propelled subway cars link many known underworld sites, left over from earlier civilization, 65% of routes still in perfect working order, 35% lead to catastrophic plunge to earth's core or some such lethal end
9. Roots of mythic world tree penetrate several underground locales in their meanderings, retreat from sources of evil/eldritch unpleasantness, spiraling passages left behind
10. Looks like a 10' deep pit, false bottom opens into corkscrew chute that launches any who enter into an hours-long amusement park thrill ride terminating in neighboring dungeon's prison level, multiple saving throws required to avoid dizzy discombobulation w/severe vomiting
11. Monstrous Dungeon Overlord maintains permanent arcane gate between private chamber and well-appointed trysting place in other complex for hook-ups w/foxy gynosphynx
12. Adventurers encysted in adamant sphere, loaded into lava tube, outflow in lowest level of next-dungeon-over, evil dwarf pit crew at destination stand by to extract, collect other half of exorbitant fee

ALSO: be advised that the current coupon for Lulu gives a 20% discount to orders, like for instance The Dungeon Dozen book I'm hawking over there in the column at left. Enter WAFFLESAY20 on the Lulu checkout page to get the discount.

My hope is to use the revenue from these books as a kind of Kickstarter (I elected to avoid inflicting one of those upon you kind people) to finance the production of future Dungeon Dozen volumes and other projects. To complete this book I had to rely upon the generosity of friends, I'd love to be able to pay for layout services on the next one.

Friday, March 14, 2014

d12
1. Rune-inscribed satchel contains bones of god's progenitors, seethes w/mystic potency, manifold arcane uses, worth a fortune
2. Unfinished notes toward a new revelation, correlating the contents of which can lead only to madness
3. Wotan's Little Helpers: fist-sized Tablets of Virility, demi-material concoction lethal to humans at all but the tiniest dosage, subjects who survive initial shock develop range of super-powers for 1d12 days then burn out their systems, perish horribly
4. Personal log of romantic entanglements/conquests, text confirms/denies identities of numerous campaign world demigods
5. Invisible Circlet of Cosmic Awareness: melts human brains faster than you can say "Eureka!"
6. Sealed ichor specimen marked for delivery to Divine Physician
7. Huge ring set w/crystal ball, if gazed upon reveals mind-bending truths but viewer must make saving throw or become involuntarily enraptured, eschewing food and drink until unconsciousness/death sets in
8. Necklace made from teeth of the hydra, in gift-wrapped box, designated for some unspeakably hideous gorgon or other
9. Key ring of infinite keys, always seems to have the key you're looking for, requires god-like strength to lift, tethered to god's belt by the Retractable Cord Unbreakable
10. Crystal thumb drive loaded w/entirety of spells once available to dead god's clergy, several experimental new enchantments for beta testing
11. Scintillant Undergarments of Protection, woven from the golden fur of the Sky Chinchilla, insanely comfortable, filth-proof, provides bonus against attacks, if donned by mortal may never be removed
12. Divine Lice, aggressive