The Animals Come For Nancy Pelosi

The Animal Uprising™ has begun the next stage of its offensive. It is now targeting the political leadership of the United States. A feathered fiend broke into the apartment of Nancy Pelosi and tried its best to kidnap the Speaker. Unfortunately for the animals, the bird they sent was too small to carry Pelosi and the plot failed.

No, this was a scene written for Tippi Hedren, though truth be told, it was only one bird … and oh, OK, it wasn't pecking the Speaker to bits and pieces. But it was scary!

The bird, Pelosi told her colleagues and aides the next day, was flying around, knocking things over as she and an employee of her condo building chased the feathered fiend for an hour.

Finally, according to someone who heard Pelosi's story, they "trapped the bird with a brown bag." Menacing as it was, Pelosi, ever the San Francisco tree-hugger, made an executive decision that the bird should be liberated. So the building staffer, our source reports, "took it outside and released it."

Next time they plan on sending a condor. Don't forget to board up the fireplace!

2 Responses to The Animals Come For Nancy Pelosi

Seems to me I saw something yesterday about a condor getting out of a zoo. You wouldn’t happen to have any information about that, now, would you? Not that we’d ever suspect you of anything like that… Would we?