Writing it out, one blog at a time.

Looking Forward to 2016

I feel so blessed as I enter this new year. I truly have so much to be thankful for, and realize that I take so much for granted everyday. I am one who tends to see the negative, and focus on how things could be better. When, in actuality, things are pretty great, even in the tougher times.

As I sit here typing this, two of my children are playing together next to me. They are building a racecar track, and talking excitedly about how they think the cars will do on the curves and loops. The fact that my son and daughter are getting along, and creating something together, is wonderful. I am actually truly blessed at how well my children get along together. I just tend to focus on when they fight. That’s going to change.

I talked with my mom on the phone earlier this evening. It turns out that she’s actually been really sick for the past two months. I just found this out when I talked with her on the phone a week ago. When she told me of what she’s been going through, and how she’s been feeling, it literally put the fear of losing her into me. I began to think of all the past discrepancies we have had, and how I have been partially to blame for our lack of communication I recent years. I started to think how this isn’t fair that she is so ill now, and what if I actually lose her before we get to see each other again? Since that conversation, I have called her every day to check in, see how the new medicines are working, and just to talk. Tonight she tells me that she is actually feeling better, the best she’s felt in weeks. I breathe a sigh of relief, and am happy to continue calling her, even in health. I am thankful for the time we have had to talk this past week. The amount of times we will talk from now on will change for the better. I am not taking our time for granted any longer.

Which brings me to the phone call I had with my dad today. I called him to wish he and my step-mom a happy new year, and was surprised with the fact that they were at my grandma’s house! I got to hear every one say happy new year! It was great. 🙂 I had been wanting to tell my dad about how sick my mom was for the past week. Now remember that my parents are divorced, and have been for the past 31 years. They have always got along in front of me, though, and my dad is a very spiritual man now. I felt it was necessary to tell him of her sickness, and to have him pray for her. After I had told him of her illness, he did not hesitate to express his concern, and instantly said, “we should pray for her right now over the phone.” And we did. Then, as we were going to say goodbye, he told me he would share the news with my step-mom, and they will continue to include my mom in their prayers. What a blessing that I have had all these years. Two parents, who didn’t work well together married, but worked well together so that I would not have turmoil. My parents and step-parents have always got along around me. They talk to each other, and work well together when the need arises. That is a blessing that I all too often take for granted. I will make more time for conversations with all four of them from now on. They are all so important to me.

I really could go on and on. There are so many things that are good. So many that outweigh the bad. Though it may be easier to focus on the negative, and dwell in self pity, I choose to break that bad habit. I cannot imagine how much better I will feel, once I start to embrace the positive, and bask in it’s glory, instead of trudging through the negativity, and worrying over things I cannot change anyway. I have even looked into finally obtaining the bachelor’s degree I always wanted to get. I found that a local university has an online program for that, and they will accept almost all of the 71 credit hours I have already obtained. That would put that degree in my hands in around two years. Perfect!

I am the "little armored one", moving gently through life. Hoping to safeguard my sensitivities with layers of words and the expression of thought. Shielding my mirror neurons at times, or tasting music and spinning till I'm dizzy. Every moment here is a gift.