Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Reflections on forgiveness

Dear Rabbi Lerner,

I applaud you for the stand you taken on justice; we have to stand up for Justice to every one of the seven billion of us, it ain't justice if it protects me at the cost of others and most certainly it will have an adverse effect on others.To have sustainable peace, security and justice for me, I have to make sure others receive the same; I cannot be secure if others around me are not and on the corollary, I cannot have peace when others around me don't.

Krishna sums it up very well in Bhagvad Gita; whenever there is adharma (un-righteousness), I will emerge among you and restore the righteousness.Didn't Moses, Jesus, Mohammad, Buddha, Nanak, Gandhi, MLK and other peace makers do just that? History is replete with the story of social justice; indeed, the sole purpose of peace makers was to bring justice to the society.

The fraction of Muslims have caused the world to stereotype Muslims, likewise the fraction of Jews are causing the same. I am glad you are standing up to the extremists amongst Jews and I will continue to stand up against extremists among Muslims.

As a society we have to develop educational programs to bring comfort to the extremists among us and help mitigate their imaginary fears. They can certainly reflect their phobias and imaginary fears, but not ascribe it to their faith.

Interfaithing is one of the answers, and it is NOT about uniting religions, it is about hearing each other to remove myths and falsehoods about other faiths and learn to live without fear of the other.

It is in our interest to live freely; it amazes me how a few of us keep living in fears every moment of our lives, and much of the fear is imaginary - like a child being afraid of the boogey man that ain't there.

Mike Ghouse is a speaker, thinker, writer, optimist and an activist of Pluralism, Justice, Islam, India and Civil Societies. He is a conflict mitigater and a goodwill nurturer offering pluralistic solutions to issues of the day. His work is reflected at 3 websites & 22 Blogs listed athttp://www.mikeghouse.net/

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Tikkun to heal, repair and transform the world A note from Rabbi Michael Lerner Join or Donate Now!

Editor's Note:

Every night since the attack on my home by right-wing Zionists, I've been saying a prayer of forgiveness for them. While the political meaning of that act, and of the demeaning of critics of Israel, will be explored more fully in the July/August issue of Tikkun, on the spiritual level it is very important to not let negativity, even terrorism or violence, get the upper hand by bringing us down to the same level of anger or hatred that motivates those who act violently attack or those who demean and attempt to delegitimate the critics of Israel's treatment of Palestinians.

If we are to build a world of love, we have to constantly work against the impulse to respond to anger and hatred with our own angry or hateful response. So, every night, I work on forgiving those who have assaulted my home, those who publicly demean me or Tikkun or the NSP, and those who spread hatred against the many people in our world who legitimately critique the policies of the State of Israel toward Palestinians.

It was in this context that I thought I'd forward you some notes taken by therapist Linda Graham at a recent weekend retreat on Forgiveness conducted by Jack Kornfeld and Fred Luskin. Fred is author of Forgive For Good and Jack is the author of The Art of Forgivenes, Loving Kindness and After the Ecstasy The Laundry (and teaches at Spirit Rock Meditation Center in northern California). Linda Graham who took these notes is a Marriage and Family Therapist in San Francisco--her website is www.lindagraham-mft.com.

1. Both Jack and Fred gave many examples of the universality of suffering, injustice, betrayal, both on an international scale, like the multi-generational hostility and strife in the Middle East, in Eastern Europe, in Southeast Asia, in Ireland, in Africa, and on the deeply personal scale of blame-shame-built walls with the parents, partners, children we want to hold nearest and dearest. We hurt people and are hurt by people because we are people. Experiences of loss, betrayal, hurt are inevitable when human beings are caught in the human conditions of greed, hatred, ignorance. There is such poignancy to the struggle when we are caught ourselves in blame, resentment, bitterness. Our pain becomes encased in neural cement and we're stuck. Forgiveness practice is a choice we make for ourselves to not perpetuate that suffering.

Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

2. Both Jack and Fred agree that forgiveness is a process; it's not a one-shot deal. It's a daily and lifelong practice to move through layers and layers of hurt and grief and re-open the heart to compassion and kindness. In this sense, forgiveness is independent of content. I.e., it doesn't so much matter who did what to you or who; it's our response that is the practice. Blame-anger-hatred keep us physiologically aroused. When feel we're still in threat, it's not safe to forgive.

Fred said that not forgiving, staying in bitterness, anger, hostility, is like drinking a cup of poison and waiting for the other person to die. Jack mentioned two prisoners of war being released to return home. One asked the other, "Have you forgiven our captors?" "I'll NEVER forgive them!" the second one replied. "They still have you in prison then, don't they?"

The choice is ours, and the responsibility to choose is ours, to create conditions for happiness or bitterness. Loving kindness and other practices outlined below regulate our bodies back to the open, compassionate state where it is possible to forgive.

Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it foregores revenge, and dares forgive an injury. - E. H. Chapin3. Jack and Fred offered similar understandings of what forgiveness is: the inner peace and wise perspective that allows us to keep our hearts open in the face of injustice, betrayal, harm. We are simply poisoning ourselves when we don't. And what it is not: a bypass of condoning, pardoning, forgetting, false reconciliation, appeasement, sentimentality. Neither is forgiveness necessarily bringing to complete resolution every individual complaint or grievance, however legitimate. It's a practice, daily and lifelong, to keep the heart open in the face of trying circumstances.Forgo your anger for a moment and save yourself a hundred days of trouble. - Chinese proverb4. Both Jack and Fred anchor forgiveness practice in a deeply felt sense of our own goodness, our own innate capacities for wisdom and love, our Buddha Nature. (See Exercises below to access this felt sense.) To remember that we, and all beings, are "nobly born." And that the capacity for kindness is as hardwired into our neural circuitry as the tendencies to contract in pain and suffering. This helps us bypass our body's adrenalin reactions that fuel our sense of personal threat and drama, and allows us to re-open into a spacious calmness; from there we can forgive.

We consciously reflect on (or learn from research) the benefits of cultivating kindness, compassion, gratitude, equanimity in the face of sorrow, hurt, grief to support our forgiveness practice. All of these pro-social practices are Wise Effort: the path of choosing to end suffering, in all its forms, and to cultivate the wholesome in all its forms. Even if we don't know how to forgive very well, we have compassion and forgive ourselves for lack of that skill. Forgiveness is the culmination of a long series of practices to open the heart.

5. Then we begin to cultivate a willingness to let go of our personal suffering, our personal drama, our well-rehearsed personal stories and identities of victimhood, our personal complaints and bitterness that create a state of mind and heart where kindness and forgiveness are biologically impossible. Those neural pathways of contraction and protection are well-established. It's so easy to go into complaining, criticism, contempt. We have to be willing to soften that neural cement. We have to stop adrenalizing to be safe enough to be kind. We have to set an intention to stop being in contention with the world, to stop projecting our disgruntlement onto the world, to give up resentment, bitterness, entitlement. Not deny our pain, but not to linger We're not indifferent, but we're not stuck in drama either. Understanding, compassion, grief, forgiveness are the open-hearted response to a human life's vulnerability to change. The willingness, the intention, re-sets the compass of the heart so we can re-claim our larger self, our larger consciousness, our larger kindness that can open to compassion for ourselves. These practices put us back on the track of integrity, dignity, and possibility. There comes an awareness beyond self, and eventually to compassion for others who have acted in misguided or harmful ways.When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free. - Catherine Ponder

6. Both Fred and Jack emphasized the necessity of honest grieving over harm experienced as we cultivate this willingness, this intention to practice forgiveness. The heart needs to feel its legitimate pain before it can be moved to let it go. Being stuck in blame can create a sense of victimhood, but honest grief work can help the underlying hurt, fear, anger resolve and move through, making the practice of forgiveness digestible and workable.

Let the pain be pain, not in the hope that it will vanish but in the faith that it will fit in, find its place in the shape of things, and be then not any less pain but true to form....That's what we're looking for: not the end of a thing but the shape of it. - Albert Huffstickler

7. Forgiveness is a process that happens over time, layer by layer. Start practicing forgiveness where it's easiest - your dog for tearing up the carpet or your child for spilling potato salad all over the kitchen floor. Yourself for losing your cool in rush hour traffic or forgetting to pay the phone bill on time. Then "broaden and build." Practice forgiveness in more and more challenging situations or with more and more challenging people where the stakes get higher until you're ready to tackle the "unforgiveable" with courage and care. Life is full of "forgiveness moments," big and small, where we practice over and over again remaining open-hearted.

You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well. - Lewis B. Smedes

8. Begin doing a formal forgiveness practice (see Exercises below for Jack's exquisite meditations on forgiving one's self, asking forgiveness from another, offering forgiveness to another. You can include forgiving life for things not going the way you want them to go, too.) In the Buddhist monasteries, monks practice forgiveness 300 times until it becomes a natural practice of the heart. Even if you do forgiveness practice only five minutes a day, do it every day, day after day, Once a day brings you to 300 times to establish the practice less than a year. Five minutes three times a day brings you there in a little less than three months.

It is very easy to forgive others their mistakes; it takes more grit and gumption to forgive them for having witnessed our own. - Jessamyn West

9. Include all layers of processing experience in your forgiveness practice. When we feel something in our body, it feels so real to us "it must be true." It can be hard to change that neural reactivity. Sometimes working in somatic-based trauma therapy is necessary to release bodily-held rage, hostility, defensiveness or collapse into powerlessness. We do have to stop adrenalizing before we can feel save enough to forgive.

Sometimes we have to learn new skills in experiencing and expressing the intense emotions that sometimes erupt as we focus on experiences that need our forgiveness. We learn to take responsibility for our emotional experience, having compassion for ourselves in moments of "there I go again."

We give up all hope of a better past and patiently, perseveringly re-structure our thoughts and belief systems, especially any lingering feeling like the universe revolves around us in an entitled way, or clinging to an identity as a victim. Forgiveness practice doesn't re-write history, but it does allow us to re-write our story of our history. We can re-perceive ourselves as hero rather than victim for all the courage and resiliency it takes to learn and grow enough to forgive.

The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise. - Alden Nowlan

10. Finally, our forgiveness practice shifts our perspectives. We begin to take things less personally. We see that my pain is part of the pain of all human beings, universally. We see that the suffering of every life is held in a larger consciousness that holds all the arising and falling away of all of existence. We begin to trust in something larger than our separate personal lives. We begin to see that forgiveness practice doesn't necessarily end suffering, but it makes life livable. We see that forgiveness practice is a tremendous catalyst for growth and healing; we become a forgiving person. (Like becoming a loving, compassionate, open-hearted person.) We claim the undeniable goodness of our life.

Poetry and Quotes to Inspire

Life without forgiveness is unbearable. - Jack Kornfield

Between a stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. The last of human freedoms is to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances. - Viktor Frankl

I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain. - James Baldwin

The person who betrayed you is sunning themselves on a beach in Hawaii and you're knotted up in hatred. Who is suffering? - Jack Kornfield.

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future. - Bernard Meltzer

Forgiveness and reconciliation are not just ethereal, spiritual, other-- worldly activities. They have to do with the real world. They are realpolitik, because in a very real sense, without forgiveness, there is no future. - Desmond Tutu

For Someone Who Did You Wrong

Though its way is to strikeIn a dumb rhythm,Stroke upon stroke,As though the heartWere an anvil,The hurt you sentHad a mind of its own.

Something in you knewExactly how to shape it,To hit the target,Slipping into the heartThrough some wound-windowLeft open since childhood.

While it struck outside,It burrowed inside,Made tunnels throughEvery ground of confidence.For days, it would lie stillUntil a thought would start it.

Meanwhile, you forgot,Went on with thingsAnd never even knewHow that perfectShape of hurtStill continued to work.

Now a new kindnessSeems to have entered timeAnd I can see how that hurtHas schooled my heartIn a compassion I wouldOtherwise have never learned.

We as Muslims plan to respond to pastor Terry Jones' planned burning of 3000 copies of Quran on September 11, 2013 in positive terms.

Our response - we will reclaim the standard of behavior practiced by the Prophet concerning “scurrilous and hostile criticism of the Qur’an” (Muhammad Asad Translation Note 31, verse 41:34). It was "To overcome evil with good is good, and to resist evil by evil is evil." It is also strongly enjoined in the Qur’an in the same verse 41:34, “Good and evil deeds are not equal. Repel evil with what is better; then you will see that one who was once your enemy has become your dearest friend.”

God willing Muslims will follow the divine guidance and pray for the restoration of Goodwill, and on that day many Muslim organizations will go on a “blood drive” to save lives and serve humanity with kindness.

We invite fellow Americans of all faiths, races, and ethnicities to join us to rededicate the pledge, “One nation under God”, and to build a cohesive America where no American has to live in apprehension, discomfort or fear of fellow Americans. This event is a substitute for our 10th Annual Unity Day Celebration (www.UnitydayUSA.com) held in Dallas, but now it will be at Mulberry, Florida.

Unwittingly Pastor Jones has done us a favor by invigorating us by his decision to burn nearly 3000 copies Quran on September 11, 2013. Obviously he is not satisfied by the notoriety he garnered by burning one Qur'an last year.

As Muslims and citizens we honor the free speech guaranteed in our constitution. We have no intentions to criticize, condemn or oppose Pastor Terry Jones' freedom of expression. Instead, we will be donating blood and praying for goodness to permeate in our society.

We plan to follow Jesus Christ (pbuh), a revered prophet in Islam as well as Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) – that of mitigating the conflicts and nurturing good will for the common good of the society.

We hope, this event and the message will remind Muslims elsewhere in the world as well, that violence is not the way. Muslims, who react violently to senseless provocation, should realize that, violence causes more violence, and besmirches the name of the religion that we hold so dear. We believe that Prophet Muhammad was a mercy to the mankind, and we ought to practice what we believe and preach. We must not insult Islam by the negative reactions of a few.

We can only hope it will bring about a change in the attitude of the followers of Pastor Jones, and in the behavior of those Muslims who reacted violently the last time Pastor sought notoriety – We hope this small step towards a bridge to peaceful coexistence would propel us towards building a cohesive society.

Like most Americans a majority of Muslims quietly go about their own business, but it is time to speak up and take positive action instead of negative reaction. May this message of peace and goodwill reverberate and reach many shores.

Lastly, we appreciate the Citizens of Mulberry, Florida, Honorable Mayor George Hatch, City Commissioners, police and Fire Chiefs for handing this situation very well. This will add a ‘feather of peace’ in the City’s reputation. We hope Mulberry will be a catalyst in showing the way in handling conflict with dignity and peace.

We thank the Media for giving value to the work towards peace rather than conflict.

CIVIL DIALOGUE

The people in Dallas are making an effort to understand and clean their own hearts first, when we are free from bias, it would be easy to share that with others. Islam teaches us in so many ways to "respect the otherness of others" and it is time we find simple practical ways of doing it.

SACRED - THE FILM

ABOUT US

The role of Muslims is to contribute towards the well being of humanity, and to be the conflict mitigaters and goodwill nurturers. Our goal is a secure world for every human. Please read the mission statement.

This group is about Muslims and their civic responsibilities in creating a dignified religious, social and civic space for themselves in the community of faiths. We do not distinguish between a Sunni, Shia, Ahmadiyya, WD Muhammad, Ismaili, Bohra or the subsets of each group, all believe in God, the Prophet and the accountability of their actions and whoever calls himself or herself a Muslim is a Muslim to us. Currently we are blessed to have our Christian, Hindu, Jewish, Bahai, Sikh and Buddhist friends among us to learn and share their perspective. This is our world and our God collectively.

MEMBERSHIP SINCE 2003

World Muslim Congress is a think tank, all are welcome to participate in the discussions, our scope is limited and defined in our mission statement. Currently, we have 1800 Members world wide with no membership fee.

To join the group, send an email to: WorldMuslimCongress-Subscribe@yahoogroups.com

WHAT WILL MUSLIMS DO WHILE QURAN IS BURNT

It is a purposeful positive event for Americans of different faiths, races, ethnicities and other uniqueness to come together to rededicate ourselves to our pledge; One nation under God with liberty and Justice for all. We will pray for peace, prosperity and security of our nation.

Last year the event focused on the positive response of Sikh community to the Wisconsin Shooting and this year, we will focus on the positive prayerful response of Muslim community to the planned Qur'an Burning by Pastor Terry Jones in Mulberry, Florida.

Click on pictures to see larger version of the photo

RSVP- ConfirmAttendance@gmail.comContact information - at the bottomPROGRAM DETAILSPictures indicate for visualization of the program as was done in Dallas, Texas We honor the free speech guaranteed in our constitution, and have no intentions to criticize, condemn or oppose Pastor Terry Jones freedom of expression. Instead, we will be donating blood and praying for goodness to prevail for the common good of the world. We hope, our mercy based message will remind those few Muslims elsewhere in the world that violence is not the way. We believe it may bring a change in the attitudes of followers of Pastor Jones, and in the behavior of those Muslims who reacted violently the last time Pastor sought notoriety.

Please join us for a life changing event, you will fall in love with the idea that all of us Americans will come together as Americans and nothing but Americans. While we have our identity, we look to each other as American and rededicate ourselves to our pledge; one nation under God with liberty and justice for all.

You will be a part of history in creating a model behavior in dealing with conflicts and building a cohesive America, where no American has to live in apprehension or fear of the other.The 10th Annual event is moved to Mulberry, Florida - for a singular purpose - to mitigate possible apprehensions generated by the planned burning of 2998 copies of Quran on September 11, 2013. We hope the event restores our faith in the cohesiveness of America, and we the people will go on about our business of living our daily lives.The full press release: http://worldmuslimcongress.blogspot.com/2013/08/planned-muslim-response-to-quran_18.html

WE WILL GATHER;

to be together as Americans

to express our gratitude to our men and women in uniform

to honor individuals who have contributed to the well being of Mulberry, Florida

to emphasize and appreciate diversity represented by America.

to cherish the otherness of others.

to commit to be good neighbors

to rededicate our pledge to the peace, prosperity and security of America

Please join us with your family and friends to be together as Americans. Your presence is a valuable expression of unity. Along with our elected officials, civic, religious and business leaders, you help fulfill our common values and aspirations. Your presence fortifies our commitment to a pluralistic America.

As Americans, and as American of all hues, we uphold, protect, defend and celebrate the values enshrined in our constitution. All our faiths reinforce the creed of "One Nation under God, with liberty and justice for all”.

On this Unity Day USA, we, the people of the United States of America of every faith, race and ethnicity, will gather to express our commitment to co-existence, safety, prosperity and the well being of our nation.

PROGRAM: FLAG CEREMONY

NATIONAL ANTHEM

(Preferably joined in by members of at least 7 faith traditions, if not all)

PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE:

To be led by the Hon. Mayor George Hatch of Mulberry

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Acknowledgement of dignitaries- Suzanne

Thanking key volunteers - Curtis

Thanking the Media- Butch

Appreciating the sponsors - Lynn

PURPOSE

Purpose - a new positive approach to conflict mitigation and rededicating to our pledge – one nation under God with Liberty and Justice for all- Mike

Mayors, Police and Fire chiefs, and Civic Leaders to share 3 minutes each – about their responsibility in treating each citizen with respect and dignity

HONORING THE ACTIVISTS

Those who have stood up for others

SPIRITUAL LEADERS

All-inclusive spiritual leaders will be on stage representing each tradition, and lighting a candle of the next, a symbolic gesture to be the light to others. Every available religious American representation in Polk County will be accommodated. This is not about sermons but about being together as Americans. Please beware, it is about Americans and included in the group will be Atheists, Pagans and other non-religious traditions.

PEACE PLEDGE

I will I will speak up when there is injustice.

I will speak up when truth is not spoken.

I will make my words and my actions mitigate conflicts.

I will do my share in nurturing goodwill for the benefit of all.

I will do my share of peace work, without looking for others

I will do respect the God given uniqueness of each individual.

I will do my best to live and let others live their way.

I will do my best to nurture goodwill in everything I do.

SPECIAL MUSLIM PRAYER

( 3-4 Minutes)Muslim prayers and supplication for the safety and security and unity of our nation. Pray for the well being of all Americans, and seek forgiveness for all of us, and may God guide Reverend Terry Jones to become a be blessed peace maker. Pray for the goodwill of the people of Polk county and Mulberry City, and pray for a cohesive America, where no American needs to live in apprehension, discomfort or fear or fellow Americans.

Please donate to defray the costs. All donors over $100 will be listed on this site. If one or two individuals want to sponsor, we would really welcome it. It will save us time. Donate athttp://americatogetherfoundation.com/donate/ MESSAGES - PRESS RELEASES

We as Muslims plan to respond to pastor Terry Jones' planned burning of 3000 copies of Quran on September 11, 2013 in positive terms.

Our response - we will reclaim the standard of behavior practiced by the Prophet concerning “scurrilous and hostile criticism of the Qur’an” (Muhammad Asad Translation Note 31, verse 41:34). It was "To overcome evil with good is good, and to resist evil by evil is evil." It is also strongly enjoined in the Qur’an in the same verse 41:34, “Good and evil deeds are not equal. Repel evil with what is better; then you will see that one who was once your enemy has become your dearest friend.”

God willing Muslims will follow the divine guidance and pray for the restoration of Goodwill, and on that day many Muslim organizations will go on a “blood drive” to save lives and serve humanity with kindness.

We invite fellow Americans of all faiths, races, and ethnicities to join us to rededicate the pledge, “One nation under God”, and to build a cohesive America where no American has to live in apprehension, discomfort or fear of fellow Americans. This event is a substitute for our 10th Annual Unity Day Celebration (www.UnitydayUSA.com) held in Dallas, but now it will be at Mulberry, Florida.

Unwittingly Pastor Jones has done us a favor by invigorating us by his decision to burn nearly 3000 copies Quran on September 11, 2013. Obviously he is not satisfied by the notoriety he garnered by burning one Qur'an last year.

As Muslims and citizens we honor the free speech guaranteed in our constitution. We have no intentions to criticize, condemn or oppose Pastor Terry Jones' freedom of expression. Instead, we will be donating blood and praying for goodness to permeate in our society.

We plan to follow Jesus Christ (pbuh), a revered prophet in Islam as well as Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) – that of mitigating the conflicts and nurturing good will for the common good of the society.

We hope, this event and the message will remind Muslims elsewhere in the world as well, that violence is not the way. Muslims, who react violently to senseless provocation, should realize that, violence causes more violence, and besmirches the name of the religion that we hold so dear. We believe that Prophet Muhammad was a mercy to the mankind, and we ought to practice what we believe and preach. We must not insult Islam by the negative reactions of a few.

We can only hope it will bring about a change in the attitude of the followers of Pastor Jones, and in the behavior of those Muslims who reacted violently the last time Pastor sought notoriety – We hope this small step towards a bridge to peaceful coexistence would propel us towards building a cohesive society.

Like most Americans a majority of Muslims quietly go about their own business, but it is time to speak up and take positive action instead of negative reaction. May this message of peace and goodwill reverberate and reach many shores.

Lastly, we appreciate the Citizens of Mulberry, Florida, Honorable Mayor George Hatch, City Commissioners, police and Fire Chiefs for handing this situation very well. This will add a ‘feather of peace’ in the City’s reputation. We hope Mulberry will be a catalyst in showing the way in handling conflict with dignity and peace.

We thank the Media for giving value to the work towards peace rather than conflict.