Time to Pot or Get Off the Excrete [Updated]

My old XP mule (2005 Compaq Presario SR1750NX) is having sporadic seizures, messes with the files and programs, and otherwise shows signs of dementia. Bessie has no viruses, rootkits, worms or other detectable infestations according to MalwareBytes Premium and Kaspersky Anti-Rootkit, but she no longer wishes to reboot to an earlier date, even in safe mode. In the words of hospice providers, she’s “in transition.”

Bessie also no longer recobanizes Firefox. Her memory is fading, some of her RAM is gone for good, and I think her hard drive is giving out after so many rotations. Sometimes she grunts incoherently and speaks in tongues on a blue screen. After so many years of loyal service, I’m forced to put her out to pasture, and I’ll miss her.

But I have a backup that I’ve been avoiding using, mainly because of Windows 10. It’s a Dell XPS with a solid state drive, a lot of bytes and a big ‘ol honkin’ wad of RAMMAGE that should last me for a few years. That’s what I’m posting on now.

I haven’t named this new-and-improved, cutting-edge, state-of-the-art, wave-of-the-future, now-more-than-ever computer yet, so any suggestions are welcome.

Update: Successfully made the transition. A full system malware scan used to take hours, but now it takes under a minute. Now all I have to do is spank Windows 10 a bit, realign the monitor, and increase the font size to something legible. 6 pt sucks.