I've (28M) been dating a woman (27F) who I already "know" from her podcast. Should I tell her?

We met on Tinder about two weeks ago, I initially swiped right on her because I recognized her name and photos from Twitter and her podcast (she has a pretty big following, around 10k). I've been listening to her podcast since about a year before this and it's one of my favorites. I just didn't say anything while we were messaging because I'm sure she gets a lot of fans just wanting to talk about her podcast. We've been on two dates now and they've all been great, we're planning for another later this week and we text most days. The only thing is that I already know a lot of details about her - on our first date she mentioned that she has a dog and I almost said "oh yeah Bella!" but that'd have been really creepy. It's hard to play dumb since she talks about her personal life quite a bit on the podcast so I know about her family relationships and past romantic relationships.

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I feel like I should tell her, but I just think it'd be awkward for her since she didn't get to open up to me naturally. I really like her and I'd be pretty sad if she wanted to end things as a result. At the same time, I feel like if we were together long-term and I told her a year from now, she'd be hurt more that I hid it from her. What do you guys think? Should I tell her?

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TL;DR: I'm dating a woman but I know about a lot about her personal life already from her podcast. Should I tell her that?

What about the parts that are true? The dog is likely hers. Should OP continue to pretend he knows nothing about her?

I feel like if he confesses too soon it’s creepy and too late it’s suspicious. My gut says say nothing for a few more dates but then let her know, emphasizing he wanted to get to know the real her. It both acknowledges the curated view she puts out there and lets OP show his interest in getting to know her better.

I feel like if he confesses too soon it’s creepy and too late it’s suspicious. My gut says say nothing for. Few more dates but then let her know, emphasizing he wanted to get to know the real her. It both acknowledges the curated view she puts out there and lets OP show his interest in getting to know her better.

OP, you should definitely tell her. Yes, it’s true that it may not be the exact, authentic version of herself that she’s presenting on her podcast, but some of the details are definitely true.

Just bring it up. Tell her you really enjoy her podcast but you didn’t want to make her feel like you were some super fan and not really interested in the real her. Acknowledge that who she presents herself on the podcast doesn’t capture all of the intricacies of who she is, and tell her that you’re really enjoying getting to know her better.

You can’t start a long relationship with this woman and hide this from her. Eventually the podcast will come up and you’ll be put on the spot, having to either flat out lie or come clean right then and there. It’s best you just tell her the next time you see her.

It would be way creepier if he knew all this info about her and she had no idea, and personally I like honesty. If I were her.... I would not want my date to hide things from me. If it does get serious and the charade goes too long she might feel betrayed. I know I would.

Not who you are talking to but I'd feel the same. It's not the fact they're aware of the work/a fan... just the fact they didn't mention it so they can both be on the same footing. If the podcaster doesn't know he's a fan then she's not operating on the same amount of information as OP.

I have a small yt channel (like 4k subs) and even I get some pretty intense comments by guys putting me on a pedestal/thinking they know me more than they do.

From the safety of my home and my computer, I'm comfortable "putting myself out there" but I would be concerned about actually meeting many of my subscribers or attending conventions (if I were popular enough).

I think it's okay to have degrees of comfort. It's not 'being okay with' and 'not being okay with putting yourself out there'. Many actors and comedians irl are actually very introverted and dislike the fame that comes with their vocation.

When I was about 14, a family member of mine was killed and it was the front page of my local newspaper. I went to school the following day. As I entered one of my classes, the teacher said, in a singsong way "(my name) frommm (area of town)!!!"

I'm not from that area of town. My dead family member was and that had been stated in the newspaper. Clearly he'd read it and felt the need to show me a bit of extra attention to comfort me but the way he'd done it clued me into the fact it was because he knew this information about my personal life.

I don't think negatively of him. Now, 11 years later I think it's sweet he wanted to show me some affection even if it was kinda awkward.

At some point OP will slip up and say something that will clue her into the fact he has more information on her than she realised. If he leaves it too long it will be creepy and come off like he had ulterior motives in not telling her. 1. Because there's an imbalance of information and 2. Because she's a woman who has to be careful creepier fans don't get too close.

All he needs to say is "hey, just wanted to tell you I really enjoy your podcast but don't want it to be weird"

I agree with this. I have a podcast with a few friends and we have like 40 listeners and even they've pointed out that I change a good bit when I'm being recorded. My voice changes, my attitude changes, it's a really weird thing and I even notice it now!

A good friend of mine is a youtuber with a 65k+ following. His real life persona is quite different than his online. He exaggerates the goofiness in his videos and while the core of who he is is the same, he is a bit more tame in real life.

In the same vein he and I became friends after he became big, and I was already an established fan of his. Because of this I don't bring up his YouTube account or anything related to it because I don't want him thinking I'm friends with him because I'm a star struck fan. I want him to know I'm there to be friends with [his name], not [his YouTube channel].

That's is exactly what I was thinking. You do not know her, you know her podcast. When it come up do not say you know her. Say you have heard her podcast and like it. Talk about it as her work, not her.

I used to have over 100k and I always hated it when people said, “I know you from IG” or added me before we got to know each other. I put a lot of my life out there and while it’s my life to a degree, it’s not ALL of me and I don’t want people to assume.

Not to take away from your point at all, but for what it's worth, I'm from the US and "I know you from..." is a pretty casual and common phrase that usually begins and ends with "I'm aware that you exist." (e.g. "Oh I know you from your brothers girlfriend I met at a party briefly one last year!", or, "I heard about you from my sisters coworker once!" type things.)

Not sure what you mean by added but I guess you mean your private facebook or something and not some public one, which fair enough.

interesting, in Australia that would be a sort of social faux pas and seem a bit creepy. I had one girl tell me she recognised me from instagram, and the guy she was with and myself were like 'wtf' (i dont even have a big following at all)

Yes, that is common and normal. But when you’re sharing a lot of your life and personal thoughts etc. it feels like “oh. Ok so you’ve basically read my diary and probably formed quite a few assumptions about me already.” I think people form assumptions based on social media regardlsss of following size... (I do!) so when you’re sharing a lot it’s more likely AND people tend to feel connected with you. Many people have said to me, “I feel like I know you”, “I just know we would be such good friends if we met” etc.

Oh yeah I completely get that, theres a few podcasts and internet shows I love and have those same feelings but the awareness I don’t actually know those people and its entertainment not me hanging out with friends, and they certainly don’t know me.

I agree. I have a lowkey-known blog as well and it makes me quite uncomfortable when people add me on my private FB or send me messages on my private social media where they treat me like their friend, like they knew “real” me which is NOT the version I present publicly, like, we all want to be perceived as better than we really are on our social media. I would tell her immediately and apologize for not doing it earlier citing reasons you presented to us - to me you sound very genuine and interested in her and I’m sure if I was her in this situation I would understand where you’re coming from. You not wanting to talk to her about her podcast because you assume everyone talks to her about it is what sold me to your case, it’s really such a nice thought. It’s also quite showing she’s important to you. I would maybe even joke about you not telling her presenting it as a “mistake” on your part (I don’t think it was, it’s more of an awkward situation tbh) to make the atmosphere lighter.

Tbh I’d love an update from you and I’m sure I’m not the only one in the thread so tell us how it went! Good luck!

You could tell her that you didn’t want to come off as a fan and actually get to know her, because it would of been really awkward if you put her on a pedestal. Date 3 is probably the perfect time to tell her.

"I'd like to get to know the REAL you..."
And then myself imagining some Dexter shit where I'm strapped to a table and he's carefully dissecting me and asking me questions while wearing and apron and latex gloves. Or maybe my brain just sucks, idk.

No no no. Take it from me who is the main subject of a popular Hulu documentary... if someone said that to me after telling me they’ve seen the movie I would be weirded out. Please just tell her you’ve heard he podcast, wasn’t sure how to bring it up but that you wanted to let her in the loop since you’re starting to like her! Act like it’s no big deal. Don’t make it a “thing”

(Sheepish grin) "Listen, I have to tell you something. I've heard your Podcast. I listen to it sometimes, actually. I just didn't want to come off like a superfan and freak you out because I like you..." (or whatever fits there).

And leave it at that. Even if you listen to it daily or weekly, stick with "sometimes" and then let her tell you things you might already know, going forward. The sentence is neutral and she can proceed with it however she wishes, but don't gush or downplay beyond the reasonable.

You should tell her. Be truthful and get it out of the way the next time you see her. "I have something I wanted to tell you. I've listened to your podcast - before we had even met. I was surprised to see you on Tinder but thought your profile was so awesome I had to msg you and see what could happen. I want to be honest and upfront about that. I struggled to tell you initially because I wanted to have you open up to me naturally but I realised it wasn't fair that you were left in the dark. I really like you and have enjoyed our past dates - I'd like to see where this goes but I also understand if you feel weirded out right now. I just want us to be open with each other and apologize that I wasn't from the start."

Honesty is great but this is a little dramatic sounding in my opinion. She's only going to think it's as big of a deal as you make it. A brief "I've actually heard your podcast before but didn't want to make it the focal point of getting to know you" followed by a small compliment about it should suffice

Agree that it's a bit dramatic, you'd need to open this up adequately, to really make the setting dramatic. You could preface this by asking her to sit down, then sit down yourself facing her but at an angle, touch her knees, look deep into her eyes, say "I need to tell you something ..." and take a deep breath and give a dramatic pause. "I've... listened to your podcast."

Agree completely with what you said about making it too much of a big deal. Your answer is perfect.. acknowledges you've heard it, explains why, compliments her, doesn't make you sound like a rabid fan but also gives her space to talk about it more in-depth if she wants to.

Even saying you don't want to make a big deal makes it seem like you think it is a big deal. Just being like "you know I actually listened to your podcast before we met and I really like it! My favorite episode is x. Is there an episode you like best?"

He didn't say that though, he said "I didn't want to make it a focal point", which is very different. Your phrasing would make you come off as a Stan, and the whole idea is not to make her talk about it, which she probably has to do constantly on tinder if someone recognizes her.

This is good advice, just don’t make a big deal out of it OP. I have a large social media following due to my work, and I don’t find it weird when people recognize me or know my work because of it. Just be clear you like her for her, beyond the image of her social media persona. Good luck!

But if s/he follows this advice, their story won’t be made into a “based on a true story” 90 minute romcom about a minor misunderstanding that gets played out over months of dating, that’ll include a huge fight/breakup, and then a happily-ever-after conclusion where s/he starts their own podcast... to propose!

Oh god, I can already see the big realisation "You... you were a fan of the podcast all along!" scene at the end of the second act. And also a theme of it was "You just liked me for my public image!" but then the dude gives a dramatic monologue about how he fell in love with her for who she was.

Yeah, there's a such thing as being too honest. Tell her you've heard of her, and you heard a couple of podcasts but didn't say anything cuz you didn't wanna come off as a groupie or superfan. Don't say stuff like "I was surprised to see you on Tinder and I had to msg you and see what could happen" cuz it's TMI and gives off a superfan vibe.

There's nothing wrong with honesty. Not whatsoever. There's no way to assume how she'd take all of that. She could respect him for it, but still not want to be with him. It's more of an omission than dishonesty. The parts that I said were TMI are unimportant to the situation. If I steal from you, and bring it back because I was feeling guilty, tell you I stole it and I'm sorry would be better than I stole it, but I knew it would be easy because I'm stealthy, but I'm sorry, would be an issue. It's unnecessary to add even if it is the truth.

I see, when you put it that way, it makes total sense. I guess from my point of view, if I'm being honest, I get an urge to word vomit all my feelings out while we're on the subject. Maybe not the most appropriate thing to do, but it's just what feels right in the moment usually lol

I think "I have something to tell you" makes it too intense. "Hey, you know I actually listened to your podcast before I met you! I really enjoyed x episode. How did x point or story come about?" and just make it natural

Exactly. "Hey, believe it or not I'd listened to a few of your podcasts before we met! I wasn't sure about mentioning it on our first couple of dates. I loved the XYZ episode, tell me how you do your research"?

Also: it's weird that they've been on a couple of dates and she didn't mention it. Usually jobs, hobbies, and interests come up on the first date. Something about this OPs story doesn't fit right. It almost sounds like he's been texting her but hasn't actually been out with her to dinner or seen her in person.

I don’t know, if I had some sort of social media etc. presence, I would absolutely not tell any dates the first few times we met up. When you’re just starting to get to know someone, you want some level of control over the amount of information you divulge to them, and them listening to your podcast or whatever would give them a lot of personal information way too early on (and also a little inauthentic) for my preference. It may also be a humility thing, or maybe she just hasn’t decided she trusts him yet. She likely doesn’t want some creepy guy spamming her social media and stalking her through her podcast if she decides to break it off after the first couple of dates, and probably needs some time to sus him out.

Either way, I’ve seen some youtubers and other “influencers” mention that they don’t tell dates what they do, so it definitely happens!

Or a slight variation you say you realised early, but didn’t want to let on because she might assume you were a crazy fan, but now you think she knows enough about you to decide if you are actually a crazy fan, so there’s the info and you hope there will be a next date.

As an aside I wonder if she is like the op had imagined based on the podcast. Bet she’s smaller :)

Yes, this!! My husband confessed he'd wanted to meet me almost a year before we met at work - I'd been Usenet famous for a while. He had decided I was probably too cool to ever meet him. He told me after a few dates, and it was very sweet.

I dont understand the thinking behind this. Does he want his show to be a secret hobby or something that his girlfriend/wife never ever knows about? What will he do when he's engaged and the girl starts listening? "Shit, honey, sorry but I gotta break this off. I can't be with someone that knows that I am successful with my hobby."

I think the idea is to avoid people who just like him because of the podcast. Since it's hard to differentiate, he has a blanket rule. Of course, someone who only begins listening to it after dating him would be a different story.

His show goes deep into his personal background, his growing up in poverty and then of course following all his relationship drama.

If the person OP is interested in only talks about video games or something, it might be different, but it sounds like she went into her personal life too, which could maybe create a false sense of intimacy.

There is absolutely no way of telling the difference until they start creeping. If she wants to avoid that happening she might cut it off immediately. Which is her right. OP still needs to tell her ASAP.

Tell her and let her know that you have been enjoying going out and connecting. Tell her you were just nervous about bringing it up before because you didn't want to seem weird. Do not leave it though. Definitely say something.
Good luck

I'm similarly a YouTuber with about 12K subs and I definitely have met and befriended fans before. They usually tell me pretty early on and I might be a little embarassed but if it's not a big deal to them it's not a big deal to me. Be honest about it but don't focus on it, and above all treat her like a *person*, not a *celebrity*. Don't stan her.

Who’s to say you didn’t google her after your first date, figure out she has a podcast, and listen to some episodes then?

Then again, lies are a shitty way to start a relationship — and unnecessary, too. If she likes you, I think she won’t care or mind it if you tell her the truth: you recognized her as the host of a podcast you’d listened to and liked, and were curious if she’d be as cool in person — and turns out, she is!

Tell her! Like you said, it would be so much more worse telling her a year from now. Tell her that you've listened to her podcast before and know of some personal details. Maybe mention that you are interested in her because of who is ant just because you're a fan. The sooner the better too. The longer you hold off, the more you're betraying her trust.

Tell her because if you don’t, you’ll slip up and then she’s going to think this is much creepier than it is. Honesty is the best policy. Lying by omission sucks. If you like her and want to see her again, then you should do this right.

As a female that used to have a large social media presence (not millions but around 100k) I see literally no problem in this. Do it as a “confession” and 9/10 she’ll be flattered. Pose it like this: you didn’t want her to know bc you wanted your early dates to be genuine and not unbalanced (you know about her and she doesn’t know shit about you) but you are really enjoying the time you spend with her and have to confess you love her podcast. People that are not celebrity status but have a following for something they are passionate about and work hard on WANT people to know who they are because it means they are doing a great job. My 2c.

It sounds like you're not too good at playing dumb; she might even already suspect you listen to the podcast. If you told her immediately, she probably would have thought it was cool you had heard of her (10K is honestly not a ton of listeners), but after 2 dates of you not telling her, it's definitely gotten into creepy territory. The longer you wait to tell her, the creepier you are going to look when she does find out.

"Hey, there's something I wanted to talk to you about. I actually listen to your podcast pretty regularly. I didn't tell you sooner because I wanted to get to know the real version of you, not the podcast version, and for you to get to know the real me without thinking I'm a random fanboy. I've had a blast on our dates and I hope we can continue seeing each other, I just didn't want to hide this from you since it's obviously a big part of your life and it would be weird if I didn't bring it up."

How about just being a little vague about the timeline of knowing who she was, saying something like, "You know, I realized you've got to be the person who does the <> podcast I listen to," and go on from there.

That's just setting yourself up into a lie from which you will have to dig yourself out; sooner or later it will become known you knew who she was/is and unless you're two are married/been dating for a while it will be creepier than it needs to be.

That probably won't fly. But you can say "hey, I wanted to mention that I'm pretty sure you're ____ the podcaster, and that I listen to your show. I wasn't sure how to bring it up last time, but I figured you'd want to know" and if she asks about matching you can say "yeah, I had an inkling when we matched on tinder but didn't want to make it weird and figured it wouldn't be fun to make it all about your work!"

No. You're going to act like a mature adult and tell her what you told us. This puts the ball in her court where it belongs. If she loses interest in you, then you respect that. If she is okay with the fact that you know about her popular podcast, then you respect that.

Be open and honest with her. Stop trying to find ways to act like a manipulative, immature, selfish person.

You've gotten a lot of really good advice in this thread. Hopefully the fact that you've only replied to this very bad take isn't indicative of what you intend to do, lol. Just tell the truth and be earnest about your interest.

I wouldn’t do that, there was another comment on here (I’m on mobile so I’m not going to try and go find it) where they basically said that you should just be truthful the next time you see her. That person who commented suggested that you should say that you would like to speak to her about something and admit that you knew her from her podcast but wanted to go out with her without her having to feel uncomfortable about it, which is why you weren’t upfront in the first place, and that you realized it wasn’t fair to keep her in the dark so you just wanted to let her know. They also suggested that you say that you understand if this is too weird for her

Don’t continue to lie. Most people are not good liars. You can tell her and then have a clean slate or keep lying to her and this will blow up in your face. If you like and respect her, you’ll tell her.

Don’t start your relationship off with a lie. Just be honest that you’ve listened to her podcast and like it, but don’t be a fawning fan about it. Going forward, let her tell you information about herself organically.

As she brought up the podcast?
If not then why make it a big deal. If she does just say "yeah I've listened" and complement. She's getting to know you and you're getting to know her. No need to jump the gun!

Dude tell her it’ll look great on your part. Imagine a guy saying “I have a confession to make I’ve seen your podcast in the past, I know I should of said something and I was planning on it the first time we met. But you were so lovely and chill I didn’t want to come off as a stalker fan so I held back.” True romance right there lol

Don't make it a big deal. Just let her know you've listened to her podcasts and you wondered why she looked familiar. And drop it there. If she continues to talk about her podcast, then you should be good. But if she tries to go away from it, then drop the subject

So I had a similar situation with my hair dresser. I found her on Instagram and had been following her for awhile and when I finally went in to meet her it was like I already knew everything about her and she didn’t even know my name. He dad had died I wasn’t sure what to say, so halfway through the haircut I just brought it up. I said “Hey sorry I know this is weird because social media lets us know a whole lot more than is normal for strangers but...” she laughed and agreed it made it a lot easier to talk to her and not be scared that she thought I was like stalking her.

I don’t understand why she would be upset or put off - she is putting herself out there and has a large following. She wants people to listen to her. So why would she be weird about it? That would be weird of her in my opinion.

Not exactly the same, but I have some friends who are very popular artists, and it's hard to make friends for this exact reason; there's an uncomfortable imbalance when a "fan" knows way, way more about you than you know about them, and more than they should in the natural progression of a friendship/relationship. It makes it hard to meet them on equal terms and not feel over-exposed.

It's not weird, it happens a lot. What's weird is entering into a relationship and feeling a total power imbalance because one party knows so much more about you already. It's also hard to tell if people are trying to found a relationship with you because they're interested in who you are as a person versus being interested in your popularity/money/fame/etc.

That's not really the idea, though. Being "famous," even locally, makes it more difficult to meet new friends in the community. It's so hard to try and figure out if people are into you because they want to get to know you and have a real relationship, or if they're into you because you're popular/famous/wealthy/etc. Additionally, the kind of information imbalance that this kind of situation can create doesn't necessarily feel that good - you're essentially entering into a relationship where one person already knows a LOT about your personal life, but you're going in blind.

Oh goodness, don't tell her. A lot of these responses come from good places but do not accurately understand the nuances of dating someone with internet fame.

Let the relationship play out and if she mentions her podcast say that you've heard of it and have watched it before, but it wasn't a factor for you, because it honestly doesn't seem to be. Don't make her podcast into a big deal unless, for you, it is. And if it is then this is likely not compatible for her.

I'm saying this because there's no way that she could/would long term keep her podcast from you, so let the reveal and your thoughts come naturally.

This is straight-up lying, no matter how you slice it. If there's an actual relationship to be had here, lies are really poor foundation. And it sounds like OP has enough knowledge at this stage to make it a really difficult lie to maintain, at that.

I don't know what your expertise in "the nuances of dating someone with internet fame" could be, but this is just really bad advice.

Tell her, but also remember that just because you listen doesn’t mean you really know her. You know parts of her and likely some facts, but most people with jobs like this have a public persona. Don’t assume that person really is her all the time.

I think it only comes off creepy if you are hiding it from her, and act/feel ashamed. It can really be pretty simple. "Hey I've heard your podcast and really like it." If she acts weird or asks why you didn't mention it before, just follow up with, "I didn't want to come off as a fan boy. I like your podcast, but you as a person seemed cool as well and I wanted to get to know that side of you."

I’m in a movie on Hulu and if I was dating someone who had seen the movie but didn’t say anything I would immediately feel somewhat duped. However, I think you should tell her. Approach is very important. Tell her you wanted to tell her that you recognized her but didn’t know how to bring it up, and now that you’re starting to catch feelings for her you wanted to be honest. Don’t make a huge deal out of it- just say you felt weird not bringing it up before and didn’t know the right timing! Good luck :)

This is a tricky one! It does seem like something that should’ve been casually brought up from the get-go to get it out of the way. The longer you wait, the more potential there is for it to be reallyyy awkward.

Some people are saying it may be a deal breaker for her that you are a fan of her podcast, but that’s not necessarily true. I met my boyfriend at one of his bands shows, and they were actually my favorite band at the time. I had the advantage of him knowing I was a fan right from the start, but aside from seeing him at the show, I tried to not bring up his music as our relationship was in its beginning stages. It was a little awkward at times because I didn’t want him to feel like I just wanted to be with him because of his band, and I didn’t! Not after getting to know him even just a little, at least. I have to admit that his band was what peaked my initial interest in him, which is hard to deny, considering that’s how we met.. but.. anyway.. we’ve been together for over 2 years now!

You need to tell her sooner rather than later. It’s true that the ball will be in her court as far as her being okay with you being a listener, but I think if you’re genuine and she’s open minded, it should be okay. Just do whatever you can to make her comfortable and don’t be awkward about it!! It is what it is. Best to come clean now!

I used to have a small following in the video game community in my country. I blogged a lot and while I’d say I didn’t put all of myself out there, I was earnest about it.

Someone I began dating did read the things I posted and wrote about. I didn’t realise how much though; looking back I think he went pretty far back into my social media accounts and stuff, but didn’t reveal how much till later. He used that information to present himself as the ideal person for me. He complimented the things I liked about myself, he would take a stance similar to mine on things I believed in, and so on.

I got pregnant by accident fairly early in the relationship, and we ended up getting married.

Before our child was born he once brought up a particular thing I’d always hoped for. He said we should think about moving overseas for a bit, to give our kid the opportunity to experience life elsewhere, in a place less stressful than our home country. In the midst of all the problems we were having, I was so happy about that one thing. It turns out it was yet another lie. He later denied that he’d ever said such a thing. There were quite a few of these values of mine that he picked up only to drop later. Realising that I had been duped was really painful and also terrifying.

I’m not saying you’re going to be like this (god I’m so glad that’s over), but being a public figure comes with people knowing more about you than you think... yet also less about you than you think. And telling her that you’ve listened to her podcast will give you two the chance to clarify and discuss these things, which is better sooner than later.

Hi! Chiming in as someone with a popular-ish podcast, on some internet nerd shows people like and a following around 10k.

TELL HER. She’ll feel however she feels about it, but the longer you wait, the worse it’ll be. If you tell her early, it can still be a funny story. Wait too long and the story might come off as less than cute and charming and more stalker-ish depending on how much you love this podcast.

Make sure when you tell her you emphasize that you like HER, not the version of her that’s publicly available. They probably aren’t the same thing. Good luck!

Edit: I’ve been in that situation before. Telling is better than not telling. At 10k, we’re not famous so we don’t have our mental guards up all of the time like famous people do. For example, what if she tells you a story or detail about herself or her family and then finds out you’re a fan? Would she have told that story without first waiting to see if she could trust you not to tell the internet? Finding out later can make her feel really vulnerable. Tell her on your next date.

Edit: I’ve been in that situation before. Telling is better than not telling. At 10k, we’re not famous so we don’t have our mental guards up all of the time like famous people do. Finding out later can make her feel really vulnerable. Tell her on your next date.

The thing about social media/podcasts etc...is that we’re in complete control of how people perceive us. We pick the best pictures to post, put filters on them, decide what to post and who can see it etc... The online version of ourselves is never 100% of who we truly are. Just keep that in mind.

“Hey, just a heads up—I’ve listened to your podcast a decent amount but didn’t want to talk about that stuff at first because I wanted to just get to know you as ‘the real you’. But I want to be upfront; we’ve gotten past that initial ‘getting to know you’ stage and I really like you.”

Be up-front but don’t make a big deal out of it. It really isn’t one. :)

Yea definitely just burst the bubble before it gets so far down the line that it becomes really really awkward..... but it doesnt have to be a bad thing, it's completely understandable that wouldnt be your first topic of conversation because you didnt want her to think you're creepy.

sometimes famous people prefer people who are not their fans because they want to be loved for who they really are not for their fame, money of status. So if I was in this situation I would probably bring up some mutual interest topics and talk about them with her just to strengthen your bond. If she does bring up the podcast tell her that you know and you love it but do not make a big deal out of it. ask her how she got into it or something and talk like it is just another job. But yes you should probably tell her within the next few dates.

At one time I worked in radio at the #1 station (in an area with 1.5 mill people so we had a lot of listeners)

It would have annoyed me if people gushed over me on the first or second date. I'd probably come clean now and just let her know. As others have said, 10 thousand isn't that many people anyway so it shouldn't be a problem.

You should tell her, because the longer you wait, the weirder it gets. NOT telling her at first, she maybe could accept that you didn't want to seem like a weird fan...but continuing to not tell her totally makes you seem like that weird fan! (Did that make sense? I need more coffee.)

It doesn't need to be a big deal - "I recognized you on Tinder from your podcast, actually - it's really great!" and then move on.

Why would you keep it a secret? She is choosing to put herself out there, and she has to know people she dates may eventually hear every episode. Just say everything you said here, that you listened to it, that you didn't want to bring it up because you're sure she gets that a lot. Ask her about it. Be interested in it. You can't go wrong being open and honest.

Being open about it is a way better approach than either a. Lying about it or b. Letting her find out that you didn’t tell her.

That’s her work and it’d be borderline invasive had you not told her ever. But I agree that the 3rd date is a good time.

Edit: you could also wait for her to bring it up and throw in a “you know I listen to that on occasion and thought there might be a connection but wasn’t sure.” You can enjoy her content without being a super fan.

If I was her (and yes I'm a woman with a social media with around 15k followers in a specific type of area) , and I found out youve been listening/following to me for a year, I'd be gone. It taints the dynamic you have now. Personally I'd never tell her.

DO NOT TELL HER until you feel like you two will actually be “boyfriend” and “girlfriend “. By that time you can make it a funny joke. But if you wait too long then she might see you being able to attract her as sort of fake since you already had the “in” on her likes, dislikes, personal life, and just anything she shares on her podcast.

Yeah dude, completely separate from the issue of whether you "know" her from the podcast or not is the issue of just how weird it will be if this comes out months or years from now. Three dates isn't too long to bring it up. You don't need to come off like a superfan or anything, just yeah I should tell you I listen to it, I didn't want to be weird about it on the first date and I felt awkward bring it up on the second so here I am telling you now. Then the ball is in her court as to whether that bothers her or not. But it's better to be honest.

As to HOW to tell her... I'd just try to avoid coming across like some super fan. Emphasise that you have really enjoyed the dates and the connection you've shared there. Yeah I know about your podcasts, I've been known to listen to it, however you want to say that - but the important thing is I've really enjoying sharing time with you on these dates and I really hope it can continue

I believe the onus of bringing up the issue of dating fans is on the person of fame. From the start, maybe on the dating profile, it should be stated that they don't date fans. You could ask just that, "Do you have a policy against dating people that have listened to your podcast". Try to avoid describing yourself as a "fan" or "follower", so you don't come across as a stalker.

Being honest is always the best route but if you can't bring yourself to tell her: maybe tell her you googled her (many people do their research before going on a date) and listened to some of her old podcasts. Only if they actually can be found online, that is.

She chooses to put herself out there in a public forum, I see no reason why it would be a problem that you listen to her podcast. Go ahead and tell her and it could even spark some great conversations!

I think you don't have to make it a big deal, but you do have to be honest with her. ("I think I've listened to your podcast. I really enjoy it!") Lying and pretending you don't know about the podcast will make it seem incredibly creepy when you slip up and mention something that you'd only know about through the podcast, which will absolutely happen.

It's an awesome joke. You have to tell her. You've respected her up to now because you truly do care about her. Any longer and it isn't funny anymore. You recognized her, you're no stalker. She put herself out there, it's no huge issue if made humorous because it is. It's funny.

I'd ask what she does for a living and be like "Oh shit, that's you? Nice." Then just go on about it. I'm assuming liking her work isn't an issue as long as you aren't weird about it or her different due to her work.

I'm gonna make a counter point here, and say don't tell her right away. But on the other side of that same token, don't go into the dates thinking you know her. As someone who cuts down and edits videos in my spare time, I'm not nearly as funny as I edit myself to be. Like for example, I record for six hours sometimes to get a 15 min video. Obviously with podcasts it's a little different, but I think the principal is the same. Once you begin to take it more seriously I would bring it up.

Another quick point I wanna make is, regardless of when you bring it up, if you guys have a good enough connection, it wont matter anyway.

I'd just advise you tell her in person. That way she has a chance to judge your emotions and body language to tell you're (probably) not a stalker.

And afterwards, dont bring it up unless she does. Like the thing with the dog. If she mentions something you already know, dont respond saying "oh yeah I know, or Yeah I remember that, oh yeah your childhood goldfish Goldie" because that would come off totally weird and creepy. Just try to stick to what she tells you in person. Dont pretend you dont know anything, just avoid bringing it up like that.

If there was a way for you to word it that you know about her from her podcast, but that’s not the reason you wanted to date her. Separate her from the podcast a bit, like “I know about you from what you air on your podcast, but I’m not on a date with your podcast, I’m on a date with you.” Show her that you’re not just a fanboy! Good luck!

You should probably tell her, but I would minimize it so that she doesn't think you are a creepy fanboi.

Maybe something like - "You know what? I just realized the other day that I had heard your podcast before we met. I hadn't connected the two but I was thinking about it recently and decided to check my podcast list and there you were... it's a small world'.. or something along those lines...
Or you can go full blown honesty but then you do risk her potentially saying 'yeah, that feels creepy, I don't think I want to continue this..."

I wouldn't bring it up unless she tells you she has a podcast, after which it's natural that you will have listened to some and can then talk about them freely, if you want. After she tells you and you've had time to listen to some footage.

This isn't a big deal unless you make it one.

I wouldn't bring it up unless she tells you she has a podcast, after which it's natural that you will have listened to some and you can talk about them freely, if you want.

I think you should mention you know, just to avoid being creepy and hiding a big thing from her, and make it clear that you weren't sure exactly when to bring it up, but you don't want to be weird by pretending you don't know.

Btw I don't know if you mentioned her dog intentionally to drop a clue, but if you don't want people knowing who she is maybe change the dog name in this post.

I think it’s okay, even if u know alot abt her personal life, she’s popular on the internet, so what,
Be cool and act normal, after all u’re with the real her not the virtual version, so take ur time both to discover much about yourselfs and get along,

Personally, I would continue getting to know her , keep dating (hoping it blooms into a happy relationship) and then you could tell her in a “cute confession” kind of way.

I highly doubt she’ll even be remotely upset that you hadn’t mentioned in. If anything it would show that you cared enough to want to actually get to know her and not taint it with any sort of fanboy energy.

It’s more than likely that she’ll end up telling you about her podcast at some point as you get closer, and that would be a good time for you to let her know.

Unless you want to come across as a creepy stalker KEEP YOUR FUCKING MOUTH SHUT. Wait for her to raise the subject & the next time you see her tell her you checked out a few episodes. Then you will have your bases covered without looking like an obsessed fan.

Yeah, I agree. I think it’s more likely that telling her will kill his chances with her than be airy fairy okay and not a big deal like a lot of other commenters are suggesting. It comes across kinda creepy and super unbalanced if OP knows the in’s and out’s of her life and past through her podcasts while she doesn’t know all that much about him.

It might make her uncomfortable and not want to continue a relationship with OP because it essentially kills the organic “getting to know each other” phase that often occurs early on in a relationship that she’s probably looking for. If OP knows heaps about her and her life already, and she finds out that OP knows all those things without having gotten to know him, it may ruin the relationship and put her off.

OP, wait a few months for her to get to know YOU before telling her you knew of her and listened to her podcasts before seeing each other. It gives her the chance to get to know you first, so as to avoid the creepiness factor of basically already knowing her life story.

I don’t care if it’s a lie by omission but you canNOT tell her. There is no way to make it not sound kinda creepy. She will always doubt whether you were genuinely interested in her for her or for what you know of her/that she’s semi-famous. Wait until you’re old and grey (or somewhere before you get there) together, then you can tell her and laugh about it together. Otherwise don’t do it. This risk of ruining the relationship is too high at this stage and she doesn’t know you well enough to judge you on other things. It won’t be the same.

Well definitely STOP listening to the podcast. This will certainly creep her out. I would probably do the un ethical thing and not tell her until later on. But do what you think is best I suppose. This is a tough one considering it could ruin things with someone you really like.

Wait for her to say something shes mentioned in a podcast (like her dog) and be "oh wow thats how I know you! Ive been having deja vu and its because Ive listened to your podcasts before!" Or "oh wow thats how I know you! You seemed familiar but couldnt place you til now but are you ___ from that podcast?"

I would wait a while longer. It's only been two dates, you should not be planning for the long term yet. Let her get the full dating experience of sharing what she wants to share, regardless of what you may already know. If she indicates that she wants to get more serious, then it would be a good time to make a full disclosure.

Maybe just tell her on the next date that you found her podcast channel and gave a couple a listen, then go on to say how you think they're cool and get her to talk about it a bit by asking how she got into doing them, then move on to a different topic.

Yes tell her. Here's how:
After the next date, if all goes well.
Stop her, make a grave face. And start by saying:
- Bella, I need to tell you something.
Say it in a way so that she will think you are about to die of cancer.
Pause to give her time to think about the worst there could be.
Tell her the reasons why you didn't tell her earlier without giving it away, and then say:
- I've been listening to your podcast.
Read her face. If she doesn't know how to react, continue:
- It's pretty good.
If she pauses and starts thinking that you've made a fool out of her, say:
- Sushi?

Yes tell her. Here's how:
After the next date, if all goes well.
Stop her, make a face grave. And start by saying:
- Bella, I need to tell you something.
Say it in a you at that she will think you are about to die of cancer.
Pause to give her time to think about the worst there could be.
Tell her the reasons why you didn't tell her earlier without giving it away, and then say:
- I've been listening to your podcast.
Read her face. If she doesn't know how to react, continue:
- It's pretty good.
If she pauses and starts thinking that you've made a fool out of her, say:
- Sushi?

This is just an unfortunate situation where its damned if you do and damned if you don't. But lucky for you, you're only a few dates in, so you wouldn't have done anything like invest and infer way too much emotion on a couple of dates, right?

You're 28 so its high time you realize that not every last person you have a few good dates with is going to be your soulmate forever and ever for all eternity. It sucks because yeah, you guys have compatibility but it also means she's not going to know if you guys are actually compatible or you're a creep who says the right things to her because you know so much about her before you even went on a date.

Sorry bro, it sucks, its most likely to most definitely not going to work out. She's not going to know if you didn't use the info you knew about her from her podcast to your advantage to sound like you're so perfect and and that's going to feel like a betrayal. But you also need to realize she needs to come to the conclusion that this is simply a side effect of putting all her personal info out there on a podcast like this.

It might possibly be salvageable if you're up front and tell her. You should pose it as, you've learned so much about her from listening to her podcast and from all the things you know and have heard this makes your crush on her worse because you have all these details about her and feel like you two could be a good match because you already know so much about her. Ask her if she'd take a chance to get to know you to find out if you guys actually do make a good match.

You can't fake who you really are, who you are to your friends, who you are to your family. If you're honest about liking her and feeling you two would be a good match from the details of her podcast then she will find this out, if she wants to, by spending more and more time with you. If you have interests in commons she can tell if they're forced because you listened to the podcast and said "Oh yeah, I love (x) movie or (x) band." By getting to know you, the real you, because you're honest.

But this is a huge gamble here because most likely she's going to not be able to trust whether or not you two match up so well because you already know her through the podcast. It probably sucks just as much for you as it does for her to end it.

Don’t tell her, just don’t do it. Don’t take the top comments advice, it could end badly. No matter how well your intentions are she could be creeped out. Just act normal and forget about that podcast.

Don't tell her. Play it out, eventually she'll tell you she has a podcast, at which point you can "check it out", and then over the course of a couple of weeks you can make like you caught up on the old archives - and THEN you can talk about how weird it is that you know so much stuff about her dog and whatnot.

If you feel too guilty about that or you think you're gonna blow it before you reach that stage, then you're probably better off telling her sooner rather than later. If so, I'd go with a "look this is awkward but I swiped right cos I recognised you from your podcast - never really thought we'd match, let alone actually have a date, let alone have 3 of them, but it feels weird to go further without mentioning it."