Pam's Story

Removing the Debris Against the Odds
From Victim to Victor Through Christ
From Depression to Deliverance

“If
people only knew the damage they did whenever they molest someone,
especially a child, they’d never do it. They’d never do it!” Elaine
Baker, PhD, who was Pam's professor of Human Sexuality at Marshall
University, Huntington, WV, said (1984).

Little
did Pam realize the significance of Dr. Baker’s statement to her
life until years later whenever she realized she had been a victim
of early childhood sexual abuse. Maintaining healthy relationships
had always been difficult for Pam. She could not understand why
until she broke through denial and chose to take the long road to
recovery. Pam also has experienced physical, emotional, and
psychological abuse in her lifetime. Through Pam's journey of
recovery, she realized most of the actions of her perpetrators were
out of ignorance or of other people acting out of prior abuse in
their own lives. Thus, Pam chooses to keep the identity of her
perpetrators unidentified, as Pam has forgiven everyone in her life
who has abused her in any form or fashion.

If a
person would have asked Pam years ago at her high school graduation
about her early years, she would have said she had a “typical”
childhood. She grew up living with her parents and one brother. As far
back as Pam can remember, she and her family attended church most
Sundays. Furthermore, as a “star” student headed for college, Pam
avoided falling into the vices of alcohol, drugs, and promiscuity.

Pam's recovery journey began Sunday, June 26, 1988, the day that
changed her life forever. Pam lived in Nashville, Tennessee and was
a member at Two Rivers Baptist Church at that time. On this date, on
her way to church Pam fainted and fell down a flight of stairs
crushing her left ankle. Ten days later July 6 doctors performed
surgery that included a bone graft from her hip and the insertion of
2 metal plates and 16 screws to rebuild her ankle. Doctors told Pam
that she would probably never walk again. They said if she did, she
would have to use a cane. As is evidenced now by her being able to
walk without a cane and even run at times, Pam knows the Great
Physician can heal when modern medicine fails. Throughout Pam's
recovery after the accident, she struggled with depression but
didn't seek immediate help. Not until the following year
after. Pam's cousin the late American country music entertainer
Keith Whitley died May 9, 1989 did she reach out for help. At the
time of Keith's death, Pam was feeling exceptionally low, even to
the point of contemplating suicide.

"If you have a problem...It doesn't have to be alcohol and drugs...any problem, whether it's alcohol, drugs, psychological, or
emotional, get help," said Ricky Skaggs, country music artist during
Keith's funeral. "Don't let this happen to you. I know this is what
Keith would want me to say."

The words spoken by Ricky penetrated deep into Pam's soul. Shortly
after the funeral, she sought professional help. Doctors diagnosed
Pam with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, accompanied by Major
Depressive Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, and Codependency. .Then
about six months later November 12 her paternal grandmother passed
away.The
death of Pam's grandmother hit her hard as she was still in a cast
from a second surgery on her ankle and unable to return to Kentucky
for the funeral. Nevertheless, Pam leaned on the Lord to continue
her recovery journey.

Nehemiah in Scriptures gave Pam the biblical basis for looking back
to remove the debris from past abuse. Recovery from any type of past
abuse is similar to the grieving process depicted by Nehemiah. In
Nehemiah 1:4,
Nehemiah began his journey with weeping, mourning, fasting, and
prayer, all key elements in the recovery process..Nehemiah
1:6
reveals how Nehemiah continued his journey with repentance for his
sins and those of his people. Repentance involves breaking through
denial, which many individuals prefer to live in after being abused.

Before anyone can move on from being a victim of abuse, the damage
from that abuse must be surveyed as Nehemiah went from gate to gate
viewing the devastation of the temple walls. This scene is depicted
in
Nehemiah 2:13-15.
On any road to healing, you can
expect opposition
just as Nehemiah (v.2: 10, 19; vv. 4:1-3; vv. 6:1-14) faced
opposition on his journey. Nehemiah
responded to opposition
with four things. First, Nehemiah turned to
prayer
for deliverance when faced with opposition. Secondly, Nehemiah
called for help and unity
among the Jews (vv. 2:16-18). Thirdly, Nehemiah and the Jews
building the wall
kept watch for their enemies
and were always ready for battle (vv. 4:16-18). Fourthly, Nehemiah
and the others helping
persisted in working to complete the task
(vv. 6:15-19).

With Nehemiah as the scriptural basis for needing to ponder or
recount the effects of abuse, how can a person apply Nehemiah's
journey to move forward in the recovery process? Complete recovery
of "removing the debris" left by abuse requires a connection with
and release of one's emotions. Recall how Nehemiah wept over the
devastation.
The recounting process
for Pam involved three things, which allowed
emotional connection and release.
First,
keeping a journal
helped her discover her feelings and unlock repressed memories.
Keeping a journal
also will help any individual keep track of his or her progress
through recovery.

Secondly,
emotional connection and release
were found for Pam through
psychotherapy
with several different professional counselors. Different counselors
and therapists have different styles and specializations. Pam
recommends anyone considering counseling find a qualified therapist
he or she is comfortable with, preferably one who incorporates
Christian ideology and techniques.

Thirdly,
emotional connection and release
can be found through the help of a
support group.
Recall how Nehemiah recruited and organized other Jews to help him
complete the building of the wall. Pam's primary support group
became the TRBC church family. Other common support groups include
the numerous 12-step groups, such as Celebrate Recovery,
Codependents Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, etc.

Before a person sets out to rebuild a life that was damaged by
abuse, the losses and damages to that life must be surveyed. Recall
how Nehemiah surveyed the damage before rebuilding. Abuse can result
in losses in five different areas of life. First, losses from abuse
can come in the form of missed opportunities. Pam thinks of how the
chance for having a "normal" life was stolen from her. Secondly,
negative effects of abuse may be cognitive in nature. For example,
sometimes Pam experiences problems concentrating. Thirdly, negative
effects of abuse may include stress-related physical illnesses. Pam
has had problems with TMJ, gastroesophageal reflux, nervous bladder,
and other similar health issues. Fourthly, abuse damages an
individual's emotions. For example, Pam often felt that she could
never be good enough. She became a perfectionist, which is unhealthy
because perfection is impossible to attain on earth. Fifthly,
relationship problems also occur as a result of abuse. The lack of
trust created during abuse is a key factor here.

The "surveying" process should include education. A person who has
experienced abuse needs to be continually educated on his or her
particular issues. Education can come from reading books and
articles, viewing documentaries, and tapping available community
resources (for example, support groups and specialized counselors).

A quick "forgive and forget" mode encouraged by some does not lead
to ultimate peace. The injury and its consequences must be
acknowledged. Offering forgiveness does not condone the actions of
the offender. Forgiveness acknowledges the complete work of Christ's
blood on the cross.

Even with the help of a therapist, a support group, etc., relapses
will happen. A person in recovery can expect to face opposition on
the journey to wellness. For example, opposition can come in the
form of family or friends embarrassed by the abuse. When Pam first
entered psychotherapy, some people discouraged her
from looking back. However, she knew she had to in order to find
peace and the answers she sought. Not until Pam learned the truth of
her past abuse and her own past mistakes could she be FREE to move
forward in her life (See John 8:32.).

Another example of facing opposition in recovery is how Satan will
throw stumbling blocks on the road to recovery (I Peter 5: 8). Just
as Nehemiah faced attacks of criticism and ridicule (e.g.: vv.
4:1-3) and even an attempted assassination plot (v. 6:10), we too
can protect ourselves from Satan's attacks. How? There are three
ways to guard against Satan. First, put on the whole armor of God
(Ephesians 6:11). Our spiritual weapons of defense based on
Ephesians 6 include truth, righteousness, the gospel of peace,
faith, salvation, and the word of God. Secondly, resist the devil
(James 4:7) and thirdly, never compromise your convictions and try
to deal with the devil. Note how in Nehemiah 6, Nehemiah held fast
and refused to give in to the enemy's tricks.

Before concluding Pam's testimony about her moving through
depression to find deliverance from the effects of abuse, she
stresses that when a person has been victimized or experienced loss
similar to Nehemiah, that person must recount the experience and
survey its effects before offering forgiveness and moving on with
one's life. Pam would add two important points to remember. First,
although circumstances may seem to get worse before they get better
in recovery, it is only through Christ that one can grow to become a
survivor rather than a victim of past abuse. Pam bases this on John
15:5 (NKJV): “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in
Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do
nothing”. Secondly, although relapses occur, it's important to move
on and not get stuck along the way. Pam found motivation to move on
from her past in Philippians 3:12-16 (NKJV):

12. Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected;
but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ
Jesus has also laid hold of me. 13 Brethren, I do not count
myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those
things which are behind and reaching forward to those things
which are ahead, 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the
upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Therefore let us, as many
as are mature, have this mind; and if in anything you think
otherwise, God will reveal even this to you. 16 Nevertheless, to
the degree that we have already attained, let us walk by the
same rule, let us be of the same mind.

Just as Nehemiah and the Jews reached their common goal of
rebuilding the wall, Pam believes anyone with the help of God
and others can rise above past abuse.

After completing treatment for the depression and other related
issues, Pam surrendered to a call into full time vocational ministry
(counseling and education) in 2000. Pam quit a full time position
working at Thomas Nelson Publishers to return to graduate school at
Morehead State University in Kentucky where she completed her M.A.
and her Ed.S. degrees in Adult and Higher Education, Counseling
Specialization.

After finishing her Ed.S. degree in 2009 and unable to find work in
Kentucky Pam decided to return to Nashville. She came back to
Nashville under the pretense of having a position working as a
counselor working with women in recovery from alcoholism and drug
addiction at a retreat center. The position was to provide housing
and a car to drive with a small income. When the position turned out
to be a scam and she refused to work with the con artist, she ended
up at the Nashville Rescue Mission. Having joined a Nazarene Church
in Morehead because there were no Southern Baptist Churches there
like TRBC, Pam started attending Nashville’s First Church of the
Nazarene where she could walk to church from the mission.. That’s
where her husband Milton comes into the story. They met in a new
members' class at First Nazarene Church. Within two weeks of their
meeting, Milton had proposed to Pam and she accepted. That’s how
sure both of them were that God was calling them into matrimony
together. On December 5, 2010 Milton and Pam married. They are now
general partners in their home business, ABC's Ministries. Since
April 2015 Pam has been blessed to not only have her home office,
but she also opened a counseling office at her and Milton's home
church, Madison Church of the Nazarene.

You too can experience healing and deliverance!

To God be the Glory for all the healing and miracles He has worked
in Pam's life. That's her testimony, and what she desires to share
with other victims to encourage them that they too can become
victorious through Jesus Christ.