Friday, January 03, 2014

Despite the juxtaposition of the title and character, this lovely beetroot-shaded fella is not the "Thing from the Black Hole Star." He in in fact the Stalker, who the court has ordered to stay five hundreds yards away from Captain America at all times.

Nor is this guy the Thing from the Black Hole Star. He's the Combatron, who is a victim of his predictive naming. No one ever calls a hideous monster from a distant galaxy the "Poetron" or the "Kissytron," and I think that's a pity for all of us sensitive comics readers.

Here's the Hunters of the Captive, the guys who are chasing The Thing from the Black Hole Star™, and they have some pretty impressive KirbyTech all around them, don't they? Not to mention the most stylish and with-it headgear, surely purchased direct mail-order from The 5000 Hats of Jack Kirby.

So they send these guys to hunt down the T.F.T.B.H.S., and pity the poor Captain America who gets in their way. Behold...the Magnoids!

Evil Deviant scientist Zakka plans to conquer the earth through the use of advanced science (and mechanics)! Well, it's certainly not through his charm, grace, and debonair good looks, for sure.

Panel from The Eternals Annual #1 (1977), script and pencils by Jack Kirby, inks and letters by Mike Royer, colors by Glynis Wein

But how, given his lack of a Lemurian driver's license or even a Lemurian learner's permit, is he going to get from place to place? Why, by use of his patented Dimension Harness, which allows him to reach far-away, even extra-dimensional, destinations far beyond human imagination and mortal ken. Like, say, this sleazy apartment.

And the best thing is, the Dimension Harness is so compact! Why, when you're not wearing it and stepping between realities, you can just store it in an old bureau drawer! Just move that Gideon Bible to one side...yeah, it'll fit right in there.

What's even better: it's a handy way to escape when a dangerous and brutal assailant breaks into your sleazy apartment. Just fire up the Dimension Harness and...oh, wait, did you store it away? Better get it out of the drawer and snap it on...better do that quickly...

So, there you go. For the Dimension Harness to work, you have to be wearing the Dimension Harness. Don't forget that and store it in an old bureau drawer or something.

Eternals Annual #1: first and final appearance of Zakka the evil Deviant scientist.

Welcome to 2014...and welcome to the future! uture uture uture uture All this year, every day: an astonishing, mind-shattering, reality-bending example of the technological wonders created by "King" Jack Kirby that we call, after him, since his name is Kirby and this is his tech... KIRBYTECH!

I suppose I should start out with a mission statement. Um...okay...so what isKirbyTech, a word which is so ubiquitous across the infinite universes that as I type it, Microsoft Word isn't even spell-check correcting it? Well, it's those wonderful machines created by Reed Richards, or used on the Fourth World, or wielded by the Eternals or the Inhumans, the far-out space gear of Captain Victory and the ultra-dimensional kitchen tools of Asgard. A piece of KirbyTech is...it consists of...well, it has loops, and shadows, and curvy bits, and, uh...well, probably the best way to describe it is "You know it when you see it."

That about covers it, especially the very last word, one of my favorites: fun! And that's what I hope you have all this shall. Let's kick it off the year, shall we? I don't know about you, but I can't wait.

While you're all out partying and carousing, I've been here at my little stuffed iMac merrily typing away, writing a guest-post for my pal Steve over at his blog Unseen Films! If you like comics, and if you like movies, and if you like me, then why not mosey over to Unseen Films to read my spotlight on the comic book version of the big blockbuster film Spartacus! You know, the movie in which Kirk Douglas plays Spartacus. And Laurence Olivier plays Spartacus. Also starring Jean Simmons and Charles Laughton as Spartacus! With special guest-star, Peter Ustinov, as Spartacus! And introducing: Tony Curtis in the role of Spartacus!

Panels from Four Color #1139 [Spartacus] (November 1960), comic book script by Gaylord Du Bois, pencils by John Buscema, inks by John Buscema and Mike Peppe

So don't delay, admit that you're Spartacus and head on over! Tell 'em Tony Curtis, and/or Bully the Little Stuffed Bull, sent you!

So, there you go; another year down and a new one to look forward to. And tonight I wrap up "365 Days of DC House Ads." Wow, have I really been doing this for five years? That is almost as old as I am. The math says, yep, I have:

2009: Ben Grimm

2010: Hank McCoy

2011: The Warriors Three

2012: Alfred Pennyworth

2013: DC House Ads

We've had some fun and some laffs and I know I've definitely learned a lot this year about DC's line of fine comical books, from Aquaman to Zatanna, with (inhale) Batman, Captain Marvel, Dolphin, Elongated Man, Firestorm, Gleek, Harley Quinn, I Ching, Jimmy Olsen, Kamandi, the Legion of Substitute Heroes, 'Mazing Man, Negative Man, Orion, Plastic Man, the Question, Ra's al Ghul...S...S...S....I'm sorry, I just can't think of a DC character that begins with "S."

In any case, how to wrap up this feature? I've shown you a bunch of fantastic and favorite DC House Ads, for which we ought to hoist a glass of champagne or Yoo-Hoo or your preferred new Year's Eve beverage to DC House Ad Honchos Ira Schnapp and Gaspar Saladino, who are responsible for a huge percentage of the ads I've spotlighted this year from the Silver Age and beyond. Here's to you, gentlemen!

Well, folks, tomorrow's the last day of the year, so you're no doubt eyeing your rapidly-expiring 2013 Red Hood and the Outlaws wall calendar, ready to pin up your brand-spankin' new 2014 The Green Team: Teen Trillionaires calendar. Or this year for Christmas / Hanukkah / Kwanzaa / Robanuka / Hogswatch / Merlinpeen / Life Day you were gifted another fine DC Comics calendar: perhaps the new Princess KoriAnd'r swimsuit calendar, or the Riddler's Page-a-Day Conundrums for 2014, the Calendar Man wall calendar, or p'raps a fine product that might be called 365 Days of DC House Ads. Maybe even one a' these:

My point (and I do have one) is that you can buy a lot of different calendars for your wall these days to keep track of every sparklin' day of twenty-fourteen. But once upon a time, waaaaaaay back in the distant 1970s, when George Lucas still roamed the earth like some giant roaming thing and DC comics only cost two thin dimes (slightly more for 100-Page Giants), you paid yer money and you tooked your choices, which was exactly one: the single DC Comics calendar on sale each year. Like these as show in these find DC Calendar house ads! (There, finally back on subject!)

Sunday, December 29, 2013

While I'm off on holiday vacation, please peruse this Bully Classic, originally posted November 20, 2008. Enjoy or enjoy again!

Everyone knows that The Punisher can use anything as a weapon. A gun, a knife, a carrot, a Nerf ball, a bit of string...the man can break your spine in six places with a Jell-O Pudding Cup.

Panels from The Punisher: War Zone Annual #1 (July 1993), written by Chuck Dixon, penciled and inked by John Buscema, colored by Ericka T. Moran, lettered by Michael Higgins

That's why whenever you sell out Mister Castle to the mob, make certain there's nothing within his reach that he can use against you as a killing tool.

Especially neverlet him haveaccess toa pig.

Captain America may use a metal shield for protection...

...but all Frank Castle needs is a pig.

This otherwise-serviceable tale of crime, revenge, and ham would have gone unnoticed in the annals of the many Punisher titles that glutted your local comic book store in the mid-1990s (Punisher, Punisher War Zone, Punisher Armory, Punisher vs. Archie, Punisher's Summer Vacation Spectacular, Punisher Love-In, Punisher: Son of Odin, The Mutant Misadventures of The Punisher, X-Punisher, Punisher: Sorcerer Supreme, Wolverunisher, and Star Comics' for-children-series Kid Punisher, to name but a few) if it hadn't been for the sparkling debut of that fan-favorite character whose first appearance later drove the back issue price for Punisher: War Zone Annual #1 higher than Hulk #181...the epic premiere of Frank's later constant companion and sidekick, his comrade in arms, dangerous and deadly, powerful and porcine, he's...

The Punisher's Battle-Pig!

Appearing in over seventy separate comic book guest-spots during the height of his popularity, the Punisher's Battle-Pig is one of those characters that's not often seen in today's modern "realistic" Marvel Universe of Red Hulks and shape-changing alien infiltrators, but he was an icon of his time. Let's remember him with a look at his popular page from The Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe, shall we?: