If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.Robert X. Cringely,~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS. Police in Oakland , CA , spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, 'Please come out and give yourself up.'

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts!

4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka , Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: 'Give me all your money or I'll shoot', the man shouted, 'that's not what I said!'

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone: 'My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart'. 'Is this her first child?' the doctor asked. 'No!' the man shouted, 'This is her husband!'

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto , CA , Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!

8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TEXAS BEER JOINT SUES LOCAL CHURCH OVER LIGHTNING STRIKE!(This should keep you chuckling for awhile)A bar called Drummond's (in Mt Vernon, Texas ) began construction on an expansion of their building, hoping to "grow" their business.In response, the local Southern Baptist Church started a campaign to block the bar from expanding - petitions, prayers, etc.About a week before the bar's grand re-opening, a bolt of lightning struck the bar and burned it to the ground!Afterward, the church folks were rather smug - bragging about "the power of prayer".The angry bar owner eventually sued the church on grounds that the church... "Was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, through direct actions or indirect means."Of course, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise.The judge read carefully through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply.He then opened the hearing by saying:"I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork that what we have here is a bar owner who now believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not!"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I would like to share an experience with you, about drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends at the Marriott Hotel and had a few too many beers and some rather nice red wine.

Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a bus home.

Sure enough I passed a police road block but as it was a bus, they waved it past.

I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise , as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am sending this only to friends whom I think have dabbled inphysics or advanced math at some point in their lives.Enjoy.

Math/Physics Question

Situation:You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.On your right side is a sharp drop off.And on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.Directly in front of you is a bounding kangaroo,and your horse is unable to overtake it.Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo.

Question:What must you do to get out of this potentiallyhighly dangerous situation safely?

See answer below.

Get your drunk behind off of that merry-go-round.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good Morning Joe, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe hope you sleep in this morning! Haroula have a nice day. Cailyn thanks for the coffee. I'm good I think. I'm seeing a "floater" in one eye. Guess it's another old age thing! Hope you all have a great day!

Good morning everyone. We had a wonderful trip. We brought the laptops, but couldn't get either one of them to connect to the internet. They didn't like the way the router was set up. We visited some Historical sites, a Sea bird sanctuary, and a Botanical gardens. The weather was nice, but a bit warm. Now it's back to catching up to everything here. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Monday. Danish, French Toast, and Omelets in the NC.

I have been here, just night right here. Just don't know where the days have been going to. Got a haircut this morning, I was getting shaggy. Woof. Cleaned up under my sink as I am getting my new dishwasher installed this afternoon. I gotta do my treadmill and have orchestra this evening. Getting new music for the next concert. Hope it is good.

Yesterday was a beautiful day and it is going to be nice for the next couple of days. Can't complain about that.

I'm going to go sneak in some gaming before lunch, so I will wish everyone a wonderful day.

Bets

_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

Off to explore all the sidewalk/road construction on two nearby streets that dead end into mine. One is almost done (asphalt starting today) and the other just got a load of new phone poles delivered. Wheeee. Gotta see if ALL the residents heeded the NO parking signs. Bet they didn't. Gonna be fun. Saw already a major amount of extra cars parked on my street farther up. Suspect they are from the adjoining 'have to move' them street. So far, no extras on my side. I'm thinking of putting up cones, or barbed wire, or getting several attack dogs, or patrolling with a tank to keep them from parking in front of my house.

Does anything ever go right? Maybe, maybe not. In this case it is not. Couldn't install dishwasher because cutoff valve was in the way and also soldered in. Okay, our plumber can't get here till Thursday at the earliest. In the meantime, I use the one that is still in there. Ah well, life goes on.

Bets

_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

Good Morning. Very chilly here, feels like snow. Huge thunderheads floating past..threat mostly, they say. I will be so glad when all this food is processed and all I have to do is cook it, lol. I am going to game a bit first, I really must!! Hope everyone has a great day and Happy Gaming.

_________________________
LotusLife is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.