Warning: If You Direct Message J.R. Smith A Smiley Face, He Will Assume “You Want The Pipe”

Well, that does it for J.R. Smith’s chances of becoming the next Pope. During a trip to Philadelphia in late January, J.R. was direct messaged by a female fan on Twitter. Innocent enough, right? Just a fan reaching out to a potential Sixth Man Of The Year, letting him know she’ll be in attendance. But things escalated quickly. Like, really quickly. Literally 12 words into the conversation J.R. brought up his penis.

I mean, come on, she sent him a smiley face! Everyone knows that when you’re playfully messaged a smiley face, it’s DEFINITELY AN ADULT YOU’RE TALKING TO AND NOT SOME GIRL IN HIGH SCHOOL. (Sarcasm decoder: she was in high school.) Then, obviously, your response should be some combination of a pick-up line and/or a euphemism for penis your uncle would use at a truck stop. Duh!

For real, though, J.R. must have spent the rest of that night thinking about his choice of words, because he went 0-8 and the Sixers gave the Knicks “the pipe” in a 17 point loss. Thankfully, he found a way to clarify his nuanced, ironic usage of the term, by posting this picture of smoking pipes on his Instagram. So subtle. Bravo!