Announcer: We interrupt “Fancy a Jar, Do You?”, the most popular show in the history of Britain, for this special report.

[ dissolve to BBC news desk ]

Barnaby Xaviar St. Hidgens III: Good evening. I’m Barnaby Xaviar St. Hidgens III, filling in for Fat Danny. Well, after much debate in the lower house, it’s official: [ reveal graphic ] A dragon is attacking London. Prime Minister David Cameron has alerted the Army, the Navy, as well as taking the unprecedented step of activating the Knights of the Realm. The Knights of the REalm being, of course, British celebrities who have been knighted by the Queen. Said knights are now formulating a plan at the home of Sir Elton John.

[ cut to Elton John’s house ]

Elton John: Knights of the Realm… thank you for coming. As I say your name, make yourself known. Sir Richard Branson.

Richard Branson: I just came from SPAIN!! [ he laughs ]

Elton John: Sir Bono.

[ Bono clears his throat ]

Elton John: Well, uh… Sir Michael Caine.

Michael Caine: Thank you… Elton. It is lovely… to… be… here.

Elton John: You’re welcome.

Michael Caine: In… your… lovely… home.

Elton John: Are you done?

Michael Caine: I… am… not.

Elton John: Moving on — Sir Ian McKellen.

Ian McKellen: [ dressed as Gandolph ] Yooooou shall not passsss!!

Elton John: Awesome. And, of course, Sir Mix-a-Lot.

[ Sir Mix-a-Lot pumps his fist to the camera ]

Elton John: We should start because Sting is on his way, but we all know it takes him a long way to come — I mean, forever to come! [ he chuckles ]

[ a rimshot is heard, revealed to have come from Ringo Starr on drums ]

Elton John: Thank you, Ringo.

Ringo Starr: [ giving two peace signs with his fingers ] You’re welcome. Thank you for having me, even though I’m not a knight. And remember: peace and love conquers all.

Michael Caine: Not a bloody DRAGON, RINGO!! COME ON!!!

Elton John: We need a plan to stop this dragon. Any suggestions?

Michael Caine: Whenever I’m… in a row… with a mate… I take him down to the pub… have a few drinks… a few laughs… and that’s what we should do… with this dragon. [ Elton checks his watch, as the others roll their eyes ] I think you’ll find… we’ll lose an enemy… but… gain… a… [ lingering silence ]

Elton John: Friend?

Michael Caine: I’m not done. [ continues ] A… friend.

Elton John: I don’t think that will work, Sir Michael.

Richard Branson: [ with jet pack on ] I say we fire up our jet packs, fly up there and stab that bastard in the nose! Who’s with me?!

[ Branson rushes out of the room, as an explosion is seen and his body drops outside the window a short moment later ]

Elton John: Well… he’s dead.

[ Branson re-enters from the opposite side of the room ]

Richard Branson: Fortunately, I took the precaution of cloning myself earleir today! Hello, everyone! [ he takes his seat ]

Elton John: Focus, focus. Anyone have a worthwhile idea?

[ a dragon’s growl is heard ]

Bono: I want to send a message to everyone in this room. When artists put their souls together, they can accomplish anything.

Richard Branson: Let’s check the news, right there on the telly, everyone!

[ Elton clicks the TV onto the BBC News special report ]

Barnaby Xaviar St. Hidgens III: — the fire-breathing dragon that terrorized our city, has been killed! The deadly beast was vanquished by pop star Sting, who — [ checking the wire report ] I’m putting this as delicately as I can — “jizzed” all over it… [ he shakes his head ] until it died. Huh? We now return to “Fancy a Jar, Do You?”, where [ laughing ] oh, dear! Dierdre has just broken a large jar! Where do they get their ideas?

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn View all posts by Don Roy King