Searching For “The One”?

Searching For “The One”?

What's Out There For ME?

I remember the days of thinking that everything I had ever wanted was “out there somewhere”.

The perfect body, financial situation and of course, partner were out of my reach and remained elusive.

Maybe one day, luck would be in my corner and I would finally get everything my heart desired. If I were a good person, then perhaps life would reward me and fulfill my wishes.

In fact, maybe I would even find “the one”.

Yada yada yada…

Was I Being Played With?

If I could place an image to my ongoing quest for the perfect circumstances that never came my way, it would look like a dangling carrot.

It was as if the Universe, with its superb sense of humor (at my expense of course) was intentionally toying with my emotions, by offering the promise of what I wanted only to taketh away once it seemed to be within my grasp.

I can’t even begin to elaborate on the level of frustration that perspective caused me to experience.

It’s called resistance to “what is”…and it’s painful.

Are You Like I Was?

Well back then I was the type of person who was motivated by pain.

What adversity inspired me to do, thankfully, was to look within and ask some probing questions…

Who am I?

What am I to learn from this?

What do I really want? Is it the ‘thing’ I say I want

…or the feelings that ‘the thing’ is intended to provide?

Once I got out of my own way – in other words, questioned my thoughts and quieted my mind – I received some interesting guidance. It went something like this…

But what if I told you that what we see (or don’t see) out there is nothing more than a reflection of a belief that we hold within us that we wouldn’t recognize if it didn’t show up in front of us (again, out there) to cause an inner-reaction?

So let’s take relationships for example.

That Elusive “THE ONE FOR ME”

Have you noticed that whenever you are focused on finding “the one”, you never meet them?

It’s as if NOTHING you do turns out right.

You can be at the top of your game in other areas of life, yet somehow, this thing you want so badly continues to elude you.

You blame society / the dating site / your co-workers / the drive-thru operator / your lousy upbringing / politics / being vegan and everything else for the fact that what you desperately want –

Won’t.

Come.

To.

You.

It works the same way with weight related issues, finances and everything else out there.

Here's The Analogy

So what would happen if instead of focusing on what you want but don’t have, you took a step back from this mentality and looked to take responsibility for your perception of your reality?

If you feel you need someone to somehow “make you feel whole” or “complete you”, then what it is within you that feels incomplete?

I was free the day I had finally realized that what I was looking for in a partner was someone to validate me. I realized that I needed someone else to love me because it would prove (temporarily) that I was worthy of being loved.

I didn’t understand that what I really needed to do was love and accept myself and not rely on some external circumstance to provide me with something I needed to learn to do on my own.

It was a matter of understanding that …

I AM ENOUGH.

Once you realize that you ARE enough, that relationship you had once craved suddenly becomes less important.

This is because what you really wanted was what the relationship represented, not the relationship itself.

And now that you are no longer in resistance to what you wanted outside of yourself now that you have found it within, you are open to the idea of a relationship, but no longer in desperate need of it.

You have become what you wanted and may no longer need it show up out there.

YOU are “the one”.

So if you are feeling that the love you desire is out of your reach, it may benefit you to remove the resistance to what you don't see “out there” and instead, focus on what may be missing within you.

You never know what else you may find out about yourself :)

Speak Your Mind, With Your Opinion

Nice to see you made it to the end of the post. Here’s what you can do next:

What resistance do you have, right now?

Do you think that you ARE enough?

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And thanks for reading too – Let us know your thoughts in the comments.

Creator of I Choose Awareness.com and author of the book “A Simple Guide to Exercise Safety – (What You Don’t Know CAN Hurt You)”, Dana Gore completed the curriculum at Fitness Institute International, Inc. as an outstanding graduate in 2009.
Dana aims to bring guidance to the public about how to achieve optimal health in a safe and structured manner. She believes that the body follows the guidance and instruction of the mind and spirit. She inspires her readers to seek inner-peace as a means to well-being in all areas of life.

I don’t know what made me reread this article, other being drawn to it or something. Probably the new community area and seeing Dana’s wee icon prompted the reread.
Anyway, it’s od that it makes more sense now and aligns with my present lady and the attraction between us. I mean that law of attraction stuff too since she’s in Thailand but it feels more right than other local girlfriends.
Weird and cool at the same time haha

Thank-you Mitch. I’m really happy you got something useful out of it and that you took the time to re-read and comment.
The day I realized that everything life reflected back to me was mine to own – and this included relationships – was the day I began to know freedom.
There’s nothing wrong with having the desire for companionship. It’s only when that desire becomes an all-encompassing need that makes a person feel empty and worthless if they don’t have it that results in pain and resistance.

Pleasure was all mine Dana.
Yeah, I kind of get what you’re talking about when you’re talking about the all encompassing thing. It’s a bit like hero worship isn’t it? If you idolise someone then you’re really lowering your own view of yourself. Well that’s what I think anyway haha

That’s the interesting thing about pondering, Dana, not many people do actually ponder or dwell on this sort of area. I today’s busy lifestyle, most of us are too busy being busy to stop and smell the roses or in this case, stop and ponder on the “why of things”.
Questions like “what part do I play in all of this” are a rarity, don’t you think?

Thanks so much for this inspiring post, Dana.
You drove home the point that we often live outside being accepting of others and more importantly, of ourselves.
I don’t know about our other readers’ thought so I certainly would love to hear their opinions on this too. I’m a great believer in what you think, you manifest into your life – it’s a challenge to maintain that, for me anyway and I’m aware of it so I can just imagine how it must affect those that don’t believe in it.
Great post and look forward to others from you when you’re able to share.

Thanks Martin!
Yep, I have realized that while we are busy trying to “fix” what’s out there – it becomes clear that the whole out there phenomenon seems to be nothing more than a reflection of ourselves. What we don’t see we don’t acknowledge, right?

At first, I think the hardest thing to do is to take responsibility for our own creations. The ego (identity of self) doesn’t like it…but it’s so much worse, in my opinion, to wait for something or someone else to change for us.

Thanks for allowing me to contribute! I love your site and I’m so happy to have made such a cool blog buddy :)