ECW on Sci-Fi Live Recap - New Superstars Debut!

Our coverage of ECW on Sci-Fi begins NOW so you can hit F5 or refresh as often as you like for results!

"Yes sir we promised you a great match." BULLSHIT. All you've promised me is an ECW without the Hart Dynasty or Evan Bourne. Worse yet, Tiffany's on my fucking TV. She's welcoming us to a new era of ECW, claiming the trade last night was "initiated" by Donald Trump, and she's claiming that they gained as much as they lost in starpower - plus she's reinstituting Teddy Long's old "New Talent Initiative."

* Shelton Benjamin v. Yoshi Tatsu

Okay, this is the "New Talent." Benjamin immediately starts doing a mock Asian accent and saying "Yoshi-san" made a bad choice and that's "BAD FOR YOOO." Where's Margaret Cho to tell us to drink Vita Soy because it's GOOD FOR YOOO then? He even does a mock bow to every corner of the ring. This is crossing the line from offensive to so over-the-top it's kind of funny. He even strikes a tiger crane pose. The payoff will be if Tatsu wins. Benjamin does a mock sumo wrestler pose. You know this might be funnier if Tatsu started mocking him back. YAKUZA KICK FOR THE THREE COUNT! WINNER: YOSHI TATSU. Commercial.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MAKING HIS FIRST APPEARANCE ON ECW, PLEASE WELCOME ABRAHAM WASHINGTON.

Washington is doing the talk show gimmick. "I would like to go ahead and welcome you to the newest sensation on ECW, the Abraham Washington Show. And I am your host, Abraham Washington. Before I get off into my first guest, I want to speak about a few things going on at the WWE Universe. Like this Sunday, The Bash was off the hook, and the Three Stages of Hell was pretty tight, but I have not seen that much pain and brutality since Paris Hilton in a spelling bee. But speaking of pain and brutality, Vince McMahon purchased Raw from Donald Trump for twice what he paid. That was pretty dumb. A financial disaster. And speaking of financial disasters, 12 Rounds came out on DVD today. Pretty sad huh? But a man who would appreciate a good joke like that is The Miz. But he's not feeling so well since Cena not only beat him once, he beat him twice. And speaking of twice, let me bring on my first guess, Nikki and Brie Bella - the Bella Twins!"

It's finally happened - somebody has ripped off a WrestleCrap Radio gimmick. Every thing that Washington says is SPEAKING OF...

The ladies sit down on the leather couch in the ring. Brie is on the left, Nikki is on the right. Washington says everybody wants to know if they've always looked alike... NAH I'M JUST PLAYING. Second question - how much do you spend on your weave in one year? Nikki: "We're 100% natural." Washington: "Beep beep beep! The lie detector is going off!" He claims there's a bald horse running around California somewhere and then says NAH I'M JUST PLAYING. So he's a cross between RD Reynolds and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. Brie says she's younger than Nikki by 16 minutes. Nikki says she got better grades in school than Brie. Washington seems to be trying to start shit between them. Brie says she got her first kiss in middle school, Nikki sarcastically says she started young. Washington also wants to know who is the better athlete, and they both say they were at the same time. Nikki says she was first team all-state. Brie says she always needs to cheat to win. Nikki says she can't admit that she's better at everything. Washington: "Uh-oh! We need some kitty litter, because a catfight's about to break out! We're all out of time though, I'm gonna try to get up in this!" His music plays and he moves to sit between the girls and they both get up to leave as he does. Commercial.

We see Punk getting disqualified at The Bash when we return as a teaser for the next Smackdown, when Punk and Hardy will be forced to team up to face the new tag champs Edge and Chris Jericho.

* Sheamus v. Oliver John

Sheamus says he's here to prove that Irish traditions aren't dead and as a proud Celtic Warrior (seriously) he's going to claim ECW "as me own." The size disparity between Sheamus and Oliver John is so intentionally gigantic that it's clear John is the jobber in the match. Striker makes it even more obvious by telling us how brash and disrespectful Sheamus was backstage, not shaking hands or introducing himself to anybody. Sheamus eventually hoist him up in the air for an elevated backbreaker over his knee and gets the three count, smiling like someone that needs to have Finlay take the smug off his face with a shilelagh. WINNER: SHEAMUS.

Backstage William Regal warns Kozlov that even though he knows Kozlov doesn't understand english that well that he doesn't want to be embarassed tonight in his first match after being traded to ECW. "Don't embarass you. I got it." Commercial.

WOO WOO WOO! Ryder styles his hair and he's greeted by Tyler Rex, acting like a dreadlocked SoCal hippie. Ryder treats him like a SoCal hippie and says go back to your beach and eat your avocado rolls, you'd better be ready to face me on Thursday night, woo, woo, WOO. Time for a WWE Rebound focused on Vince McMahon making Batista the cheese in charge yesterday. We also get to see Mark Henry beat up Randy Orton again.

Christian Cage is warming up backstage. Dreamer asks if he's still sore about Sunday. Cage says no he's just reminiscing about his debut in Fresno, where he returned in front of all his Fresno Peeps. Dreamer sarcastically says he picked a great time for a walk down nostalgia lane when Kozlov and Regal want to tear their heads off. They head to the ring, we head to a commercial.

* Vladimir Kozlov & William Regal v. Tommy Dreamer & Christian Cage

Dreamer looks like he oiled up his arms before coming to the ring. I guess he's been lifting weights lately and is feeling pretty vain about his bulging veins. Seems more like the kind of thing Scott Steiner would do; sadly, Tommy Dreamer's promos are never as entertaining as the BIG BAD, BOOTY DADDY. Some sad peeps in the crowd try to spell out fandom for Cage but all they have is P, P, S. I guess whether backstage or in the crowd, WWE confiscates every single E they can find. Hey just call me Abraham Washington, trying to stir something up here. UH-OH, GET THE KITTY LITTER, CAGE AND REGAL ARE HAVING A CAT FIGHT! Kozlov tags in to take punches in the face then put Cage in the torture rack. Cage tags out to Dreamer who works Kozlov over until he gets bullied into the corner. He comes off the ropes with an elbow and punches then gets a flying crossbody to hits some ground 'n pound. Kozlov gets mad and charges, Dreamer pulls down the ropes to send him flying to the floor. He tags out to Cage, Cage hits a missile dropkick to knock Kozlov down as he tries to come back in. Cage goes over for a suicide dive, Regal comes over to get in the way, and we go to a commercial break with a standoff.

We're back and Regal has Dreamer in a chinlock, then pulls him up for some knee lifts to the face. Regal keeps the heat on, the ref complains about his heelish ways, and Kozlov takes advantage when Christian tries to run in. Kozlov tags in to drop elbows and continue the beating. Heels keep cutting off the ring for the minute or two. When Christian tags in he gets more of the same, not surprising, since the hot go-home tag wouldn't come at 10:56 EST. They keep working over Cage until 11:00, with Regal being so hard on Christian that he gets a REGAL SUCKS chant from the previously apathetic crowd. Dreamer gets a hot tag and goes wild on Kozlov, gives him a stiff boot to the face and hits a flying clothesline for two. CLUSTER IN THE RING. Regal and Cage brawl out to the floor. Dreamer sets up for a DDT but Kozlov gets out, so Dreamer hits a neckbreaker for 2. Regal posts Cage into the steps and gets back on the apron. Regal blind tags in and gets suplexed in by Dreamer for his trouble. Regal tries a schoolboy roll-up for two. Regal posts Dreamer into the steel ringpost and hits an exploder suplex. Kozlov blind tags in on Regal. Tree slam by Kozlov for three. WINNERS: THE EVIL FOREIGN HEEL FACTION. Regal applauds his partner, offers him a handshake, and raises his arm in victory, keeping a slight sneer on his face the whole time even when smiling. It's often said and it's still true, Regal has the best facials (no homo) in all of pro wrestling. He glares at Kozlov for a second, then smiles when Kozlov turns to look at him, and gives him a pound like they're homies. The show ends with a promo for Cena v. Triple H next week on Raw.