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Who do you love most? Majority of Ontarians said their spouse

When asked by a Forum Poll who they loved the most, 32 per cent of Ontarians responded saying it was their life partner.

Four years ago, Bruce Lee and Stephanie Duong met in Paris and that romance eventually led to the couple starting Roselle Desserts. Although the business has “taken over their lives” the two have plans to marry soon. The challenge of combining romantic and working relationships has made their love strong. “We work together basically seven days a week, 12 hours a day,” said Duong. “It’s hard, sometimes I want to strangle him, but ultimately we couldn’t do this without each other.”
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When asked by a Forum Poll who they loved the most, 32 per cent of Ontarians responded saying it was their life partner.

Spouses narrowly beat out a child or children, who finished with 30 per cent. Meanwhile, parents, girlfriends, boyfriends and pets trailed far behind – even when their scores were combined they only managed a measly 22 per cent.

So what makes spouses Ontario’s most significant other?

“I’m not surprised at all,” said Ellis Nicolson, a couples counsellor. “In the same way that a child bonds to its parents and needs to feel safe and secure we, as adults, seek out safety and security from our spouse.”

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According to Nicolson, healthy relationships give couples the confidence to take risks, knowing they have a strong source of support.

Anthony and Anne Altilia met at a skating party when they were teenagers. Seventy years and five children later they’re still together and proud of how their love has grown. “I think love grows without you even realizing it,” said Anne. You become close just living together and tolerating each other. We had our arguments, don’t get me wrong, but we always solved them.” Anthony, on the other hand, has a much simpler approach to making relationships work, “I just do everything she says,” he joked.

Anne and Anthony Altilia are living proof that he’s right.

The couple is often asked all sorts of questions about making love last. After all, with more than 70 years of married life under their belts the couple has a lifetime of experience to draw on.

The couple met when they were teenagers.

Back then, 94-year-old Anthony was a handsome young charmer with a mane of thick, dark hair and Anne, now 91, was a natural knockout and prolific dancer.

The first time they saw each other they didn’t speak.

“We just kind of looked at each other,” said Anne. “You know how they say love on first sight? It can actually happen.”

“Being in a two-piece band with your partner couldn't be a better business model,” said Jamie Fleming, lead guitar player in the musical duo Catl. “We only need one hotel room, we tour in our car and there are only two people to feed.” In fact, Fleming said playing with his partner, Sarah Kirkpatrick, has actually made their music better. “We're both musically locked in tightly and it's a result of us spending all that time together.”

Eventually the couple got to the point where they started talking and began going to dances six or seven times each week.

They married and five kids, 10 grandchildren and five great-grandchildren later their love is as strong as ever.

“It wasn’t all about lovemaking and stuff like that. That’s part of it, but it isn’t the whole thing,” said Anne. “Love is caring for one another, that’s my theory anyhow.”

Openness, realistic expectations and sharing common interests all helped keep the couple together, but they are quick to note that the world was a different place when they got married.

“In our era, I can honestly say, I didn’t know anyone who separated,” said Anne. “People used to stay together to the end.”

While divorce is more common these days, Harold Niman, a divorce lawyer for over 40 years, said the results of the poll aren’t surprising.

“I think most people want to love their spouse,” he said.

Over the course of his career, Niman said, the rate of divorce hasn’t really gone up or down except for small dips where people stay together through hard economic times.

While the reasons couples separate are varied, the main reason is always the same – unhappiness.

Danny Glenwright and his husband, Francis Corbonu, both spend their days helping others. Glenwright is the executive director of Action against Hunger and Corbonu is a vocational rehabilitation specialist, but what’s made their marriage last five years is understanding how to help each other too. “If we have an issue, we talk about it, sometimes arguing and disagreeing, but always coming back to what’s important: making sure we find a solution that works for both of us,” said Glenwright.

“Jonathan Franzen, who is a great writer, said ‘Nice people don’t necessarily fall in love with nice people,’ and that’s something I find quite a bit in my practice,” said Niman.

But according to Nicolson, that risk is part of what makes finding the perfect match so amazing.

“Just as there is no one in the world who can hurt us more than our spouse, there is no one who can make us feel so loved.”

Tips for making love last

What makes love last? The Star asked Ellis Nicolson, a couples counsellor, what tips he has for making amour endure.

5) Have the courage to ask for help from a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist if you are not feeling connected. Do not wait until you feel that counselling is the last resort because it may be too late by then.

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