I meet so many clients (and people) who have lived so long with a story about themselves that guides their life, their love, their decisions, their habits. I can sum it up in a few words; "I'm not enough". It is a story I use to believe about myself as well.

When I hear this story running in the background of my clients struggles with their weight, their love life or their careers I remember how that story made me feel, what it made me believe I needed to do to be enough. Lets just say it was lots of things, lots of things that weren't helping me feel like I was enough. It felt like a hamster wheel.

When we are caught in a "not enough" story, however it gets started, we often turn our solutions for feeling better towards our body or appearance(s). I think most people know good pictures on social media do not equal a good life. If inside of us a story is saying, "You are not good" then we tend to look for ways to improve and what we see externally is an easy place to focus. However easy solutions are not usually best and their is a cost to focusing on the external; we neglect or stay blind to the internal messaging that is the problem.

There are so many predatory products out there which validate the idea we are not enough, i.e. the entire diet industry, reality t.v., or just our entire consumer-driven society. We are all chasing our tails to some extent in this society. Even college is a product we purchase hoping it will make us enough.

So, how do we change the internal message? I find so much joy in helping people in their personal therapy to step out of the hamster wheel, get their feet on the ground and uncover the roots and branches of this story. Sometimes we all need help developing a new story, taking the old wounds or scars that we all have and letting them help us heal and grow rather than wither.

Recently I discovered and rediscovered some free resources (I've included on my Resources page) for flipping the "not enough" script and building a new story about ourselves that is about finding self-trust, intuitive wisdom and peace within ourselves. For a real game-changer mindset, if you are ready to start loving yourself and connecting with yourself check out the podcast Dieiticans Unplugged. I've been catching up with episodes, starting from the beginning. I'm so happy to see non-diet, intuitive eating approaches to our relationship with food actually trending in the media. This gives me hope we will begin to change that nasty old habit we have in our media/society of fueling the "not enough" story. When we change our story, when we start believing differently, then no one else can tell us we need to be anything else but who we truly are; beautiful, imperfect and whole.

Creating A Life Worth Living

by Kaitlin Geenen, M.A., MFT Registered Intern

The term DBT or Dialectical Behavior Therapy is a therapeutic modality that has gained popularity in recent years. Created by Marsha Linehan to help people who felt their emotions controlled them, DBT was designed to help them get control of their emotions and develop a life worth living. Currently DBT is widely used to help people in many different treatment settings. DBT’s reputation as an evidence -based therapy refers to the multitude of research supporting successful treatment outcomes. The success seemingly stems from the style of DBT. DBT skills are taught in a hands-on, experiential way, giving participants a practical toolbox of skills to practice and apply in real life. Group members practice and gain a sense of skillfulness in dealing with emotionally overwhelming situations.

One of the first skills taught in a DBT skills group is mindfulness. Mindfulness, which Linehan adapted from Buddhist meditation practices, helps clients build awareness of their thoughts, sensations and emotions. Mindfulness is not about learning how to become a Buddhist or sit quietly like a monk for hours. It’s about paying attention to the present moment, kind of like the antithesis of multi-tasking. And the most important tenet of mindfulness practice is observing our experience non-judgmentally. That’s right no judging! This proves to be a helpful tool for many clients, including those struggling with eating disorders, who are often plagued by self-judgments. Criticism and self-judgment are common mindtraps for many people. Mild self-judgment can limit your life, but more extreme versions can lead to self-harming behaviors. What DBT offers to those who struggle with self-judgments is a practice in awareness which helps to overcome the habit of negative thinking and develop self-compassion and acceptance. Mindfulness practices teach clients how to notice thoughts and emotions without getting swept away by them. They are then better able to make wise choices that are in alignment with their life goals.

Other skills taught in DBT include interpersonal effectiveness skills for achieving healthy relationships, distress tolerance for getting through tough times without making things worse and emotion regulation skills for learning how to master feelings rather than running from them.

Individual DBT-informed therapy and weekly skills group are offered by Kaitlin Geenen, MFT Registered Intern at New Perspectives Center for Counseling.