Tuesday, 28 June 2016

I don't think you're ready for this...

I've known Sha since we were both 12. We met on the first day of high school and basically grew up together. I look at her and don't think she's changed. She's still the same strong minded intelligentand funny person I met all those years ago. We still love to go on long walks into the countryside (and usually get lost), we still laugh at the the same things and we still sit and talk for hours, but obviously, life hasn't stayed still, a lot has changed!

It's been just over 13 years since Sha posed for her portrait and chose the quote 'I don't think you're ready for this' for my first ever series of paintings, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. I recently interviewed her to get some information that will help with the transformation of her portrait as part of the work which will investigate several women and their personal stories. Even though I know her well, it was still an eye opening experience. I was really interested to get Sha's take on the world and to hear her story.

As we settled around my kitchen table with tea and some cake I began:

If you were to give a
brief synopsis of who you are, as if we’d never met, what would you say?

Oh God Gemma! That's really difficult! It's like a job interview! What was the question again... [I ask it again]...I wear my heart on my sleeve. I try not to but it always
happens. I’m kind hearted I love having adventures but life makes it hard to do
that sometimes. I love exploring, nature and creativity. I’m fun loving.

I was expecting you to tell me your name, age, occupation etc!But you've gone for a much more emotional route, that's really interesting.

I don’t define myself by what I done or what I’ve become,
I haven’t been lucky enough to have a job or a house that define what I am, if
I was I’d probably be in Hawaii!

Can you tell me about the time when we did the photo shoot for your portrait what your
situation was and what you were planning for the future as implied in the
thought bubble?

The painting was done when I went back to Uni to do my
Masters. I was quite serious about getting a career and breaking boundaries. I
was being independent when culturally it was expected that [Muslim] girls [of my age]
get married and settle down.

Your portrait has an
almost confrontational aspect to it, you stare directly at the viewer hand
behind head with the thought bubble ‘I don’t think you’re ready for this’.It suggests someone who has plans and motives
that would shock the audience and an inner strength and certainty. It was one
of my favourite quotes from the series because I felt it really represented
your personality.

Can you tell me why you chose that
particular quote for your portrait?

Now I’m more educated in my religion I realise what was
restraining me was actually cultural. Islamically I should have had more rights
but [Asian] society had restrictive views of women. It was a combination of
culture and tradition and the Bangladesh interpretation of them. I did fight against those restrictions.

There’s a quote from the Koran ‘Iqra’, which means read,
learn be educated, yet there’s no definition of that being for a man or a
woman. It was a relief for me that my religion promoted my rights instead of
taking them away. Growing up though, I didn’t know my rights and people [misunderstanding]
pinned it on religion.

I fought a lot of cultural restrictions. There
was no logic to them! Education was a big thing for me and was going to give me
my independence and skills to stand on my own two feet. My parents were first
generation emigrants and they wanted to bring up their daughter to fulfill their
morals. My family weren’t ready for my growth. A lot of my friends were doing what
was expected of them but my identity was about fighting for what I believed in.

How did you deal with
going against the cultural ideals and potentially upsetting people?

It was hard but I had to toughen up. I’ve got my
own morals. I stand up for what I believe in and my values made more sense than
the restrictions put upon me. For instance it just didn’t make sense saying to
me, you can’t get an education because you’re a woman. When I asked why I was
told, because that’s the way it is. That wasn’t sufficient for me.

Do you think the same
traditional ideas about females still exist in Muslim culture in Britain today,
has it progressed or changed in any way?

I can’t vouch for every person I’m not really in touch with
many of the Muslim communities where I grew up, but I’d say that they don’t fall
into any particular culture anymore. It’s the same way people say British
culture is made up of many influences from all the different people who have
settled here, Asian community is changing too.

It’s hard to say how it is for girls now; some families
allow girls out and about whereas some still disapprove. My views don’t necessarily
represent everyone else. My family when I was growing up was different to
another family down the street.

How has living in
Britain as a Muslim woman changed for you since the Gentlemen Prefer Blondes painting?

The painting was done not long after 9/11. All of a sudden
my religion became a big thing talked about in the media as if I didn’t know
anything about it.

If you look at it then to now, some Muslim people when I was
growing up followed what they were told, they were born into their religion and
some went through the motions.

9/11 brought up lots of questions about Islam and since then
Muslim society has become more educated in order to find out what our religion
really is. We're more informed now.However I think this education in religion would have
happened anyway. Back when I was younger we relied more on what the Mosque men
told us and now we read more for ourselves. We act more positively for women as
our faith promotes. The old culture knew less and there was no reasoning.

If I could have my opportunities again now I would have to
fight less. Things have progressed within the Muslim culture. When I see young
Bengali girls out and about now I think ‘wow, there’s no way I would have got
away with that’!

For me personally things have changed for the
better too. Nowadays I have to fight less for my rights thanks to my supportive
family and this only happened once I got married.

What is your reaction
to the media’s part in the way Muslims have been represented?

Islam has nothing to do with promoting violence. It promotes
peace and getting on with things, it’s about harmony and greater understanding.

There’s nothing I can relate to in the media today. There’s
so much in it that makes me feel like I don’t belong. It doesn’t unify society
and it doesn’t represent the multiculturalism that is everywhere. It’s only
when I go to work or talk to my friends I realise actually, it’s not like that.
The media had done more bad than good.

In the media Muslim women are misrepresented as repressed and forced to act in
certain ways that restrict their freedom.There’s a perfect example of this in the film Sex and The
City 2, where the main characters are sitting by the pool in Abu Dhabi and talking about the local women who were covered up and wearing burkinis. It was
making out how restricted the native women were while the Western women were
free. Yet they were only saying that because the Eastern ideals didn’t fit in
with their ideals.

It’s very hard to find a woman wearing a burqa because she’s
been forced to. It’s her choice. It’s a kind of freedom but freedom isn’t a
unified ideal. Western freedom means women can choose what they want to wear or
show. If a Muslim woman chooses to cover up she’s saying you can’t define me by
what I look like. You can only define me by what I’m like as a person.

Can you tell me a
little about how you got to where you are, and any outstanding (these can be
huge or tiny) moments in your life since the Gentlemen Prefer Blondes series that have helped to
define you?

The turning point for me since I sat for the portrait was
getting married. When I was single there was just me to think about and what I
could create for myself. Afterwards everything changed. Now I think about my
partner and the children. After marriage I saw what a family was like for me; I
didn’t really have that before.

The quote I chose for my portrait was career
focused. It was what I was aiming for, but once I was married my aim changed.

How has being a
mother changed you? Has is altered your outlook or your feelings about yourself?

Yes, now I see myself through my children’s eyes. I see myself
more as a mummy. It’s a good thing. I now have a sense of belonging and being
cherished.

In my outlook and actions I think of the kids
first; my career choices, day to day things. I always wanted to design my house
and the interior decor but everything now has to be assessed with health and safety!

A good thing that has come from this is that I’m not precious about possessions
anymore. Back when I posed for the painting I was much more possessive about
belongings, things meant more to me when I was on my own. I identified myself through
my surroundings – what I liked gave me joy. I don’t feel like I need that now.
The kids have changed me, they’ve taken that role, they are my expression in
life.

What would you
tell/advise the person in the portrait if you could knowing what you know now?

...Don’t let go of yourself completely, don’t take life too seriously,
find the good in whatever comes your way, remember you have choices, be true to
yourself no matter what.... This is really hard. I don’t know.

I’ve always been a dreamer, I remember even when I was at
uni I thought things would work out like a novel and just happen to me. I’d
have so many romantic notions but I never did anything about them. I think
that’s what I’d say to myself if I could go back...dream less do more!

~

Being a very private person I was thrilled that Sha agreed to share her thoughts and feelings for this project. Unable to go too far into detail for personal reasons I still got a sense of Sha's tough inner strength that has seen her fight for her personal beliefs and values and still supports her through day to day life.

I can also see the effect belief
has for Sha and the direction it gives her life in promoting morals that enrich and nourish.

I love the fact she has now found a sense of belonging and a profound love through her family which has filled a void from her younger years. Married life gives her the support and encouragement she never had growing up.

Sha's advice to her younger self did surprise me as I always thought she had achieved so much in personal growth, but also knowing her, I understand that her steel core has nurtured a very sweet and gentle person who often wishes life had more adventure and creativity. I've seen that side of her personality manifest itself in yearnings for the countryside and multiple craft projects over the years, but most recently and successfully, in the beautiful mehendi creations she designs and works hard to perfect.

Sha

Via Instagram

I feel very drawn to the idea of mehendi designs as they say so much that put me in mind of Sha. In order to create one of these designs one must have patience. The act of drawing them is almost meditative and promotes a peaceful state of mind while the geometric mandala patterns are both beautiful and represent a spiritual nature.I hope to use this style of drawing to create a mandala which will incorporate ideas of inclusion, family and growth and layer it over Sha's original portrait. I may add other layers underneath the mandala to illustrate difficulties that have been overcome or are outshone by Sha's inner strength. This is a very exciting project and I want to add a huge thanks to Sha for taking part!

I'll be posting more research and ideas as this project progresses and I try things out. I've also been pinning down other models from the Gentlemen Prefer Blondes series and interviewing them and I'll be sharing more about that soon!