Rollercoaster

This is going to be really long and emotional, so if you don't want anything too heavy, move on...

Gawd, the rollercoaster of love. You think you're on a smooth ride, then life throws you a loop and a steep fall. Then you start to climb, and you hope that you spend a long time up there before the next loop or fall.

And that's where I am at right now. There was a loop, then a steep fall, and I'm pretty sure I'm on a climb. Better a climb, than to fall all over again.

First the loop. There was this huge fight which started with me asking him "Di mo ba ihahatid yung kambal?". You'd think that was such a simple question, but no, he had to answer in a sarcastic, ang-bobo-mo-talaga way, that I just had to respond in the same manner. It progressed to a full-blown fight, with things thrown across the room, the door being kicked open, and curses flying like there was no tomorrow.

I didn't mind those things actually. I was used to his temper, I was used to the way he'd get mad, I knew how it was going to end. But he said one thing that made me furious and disappointed at the same time: Wala ka namang ginagawa dito sa bahay. And he supported his "assertion" with things like, I couldn't even fix the bed before I leave and that he would left his things on certain places and that he'd wait to see if I'd do something about it. Watdafuck???

Rantings from a man who does nothing but play Ragnarok on his computer. From the first second he wakes up in the morning, up to the last conscious breath he takes before he goes to sleep. He just had no fucking right to tell me that I was doing nothing.

And I know you're going to hit me for this, but we made up that same night. He was downstairs studying with his friends (he had a final exam early the next day), while I was trying to get a good night's sleep. He went up to the room, said he had a hard time studying since he was still all worked up. He said he was sorry. We kissed and made up. I didn't resist because of that final exam. If I didn't accept his apology, he just might give up on that exam, fail it, then add one more semester before he could *finally* graduate. (Was that even logical?)

And now, the steep fall. When I went home that Friday night, I learned he got caught cheating on his final exam. His teacher filed a case for the Student Disciplinary Tribunal. He could get expelled.

I couldn't believe my ears. He had two subjects to go. That subject with the final exam, and another one he was going to take next semester. And then he was going to be expelled? And then what? What about his degree, his diploma? His work? Our future?

Down the fucking drain.

But then I saw that he felt so bad about it. I came from Galleria that night with my parents and sisters because of the 3-day sale, and he sent me a message that he wanted me home asap. I knew it was either something was up, or that he just wanted me home to take care of Darice so he could play Ragnarok. But I chose the first option (hoping against hope that something was really *wrong*, because if he just wanted me home so he could play uninterrupted, I'd really wreck his computer), and asked him what was wrong. (Good thing?) I was right, because he replied that he'd just tell me about it when I get home.

I just didn't expect it to be so "wrong".

But wait, there's still hope.

By Monday, he talked to his teacher and they ironed things out. But the case was already filed, and it was up to the Dean of Eng'g if it was going to reach the SDT or not.

And now, may I ask who the Dean of Eng'g is?

None other than my thesis adviser, my ex-boss (I was her student assistant), and our soon-to-be ninang for our wedding.

Coincidence or destiny? Gawd, maybe that's why I had her for my thesis adviser, because *this* was going to happen. All that hard work as a DSP member and a gopher for her was focused on this one event, so that she would (I hope) go easy on Dar.

And now, we wait it out.

One good thing: for the first time ever in our history of being together, he owns up, and admitted that it was his fault. He said he had so many things going on at that time - his thesis, then he hit somebody's car and so he had to take care of that, his root canal - that he just lost focus, and eventhough he was *studying* for days before that final exam, nothing was going in his head.

But I did tell him that if he could just spend more time studying, instead of sitting in front of his computer to play Ragnarok, then things could've been better. I had to deal with so many things during my thesis, but I still got through my sem without *rampant* cheating. (I did fail CoE 115 that same sem, and if I was doing rampant cheating then, I would've passed, if I wasn't caught by Looney Gueta) Gusto kong ipukpok sa ulo niya na mawawalan kami ng kinabukasan dahil sa paglalaro nya.

I asked him if he learned his lesson. He sheepishly replied that he will never cheat again. (Good enough, even though he didn't get it that he should lessen his time on the PC) I gave a smirk and said, I hope we're talking about cheating in all aspects of life... He understood, gave me an embarassed smile, and hugged me like he meant it.

And what about me, what lesson did I learn?

Maybe for my next post. (I've written such a long entry already! Hahaha...) I still have a lot of feelings and emotions to sift through. I actually do not know how to feel about him anymore. It's like I'm in limbo with him.

Right now, I'm just hoping I can still keep up with the emotional rollercoaster that is our love.