The Mystery of the Missing Cooking Pot: Part One

It was a Friday afternoon on Mystery Island. The sun was
shining, the Weewoos were singing, and I had enjoyed six whole hours of peace
while my pets were at Neoschool. However, my pets were just about home, a thing
that I dreaded. Oh, I loved my pets, but one was hyperactive, one was a control
freak, one was battle-happy, and one was a trend-follower. When they were together,
sparks flew. Right now, I was preparing them a snack (a.k.a opening a package
of cookies), as they usually expended all their energy arguing all the way home.

I heard the sound of the door opening and shutting.
Then Autumn, my very energetic speckled Kacheek, came rushing up to me happily,
discarding her bag in the hall.

"Lyke lyke OMG, Mommy! Today in P.E. we ran the
mile and I won! The prize was a half-off coupon for dinner at Kelp! Ooh, can
I have a cookie?"

"No chatspeak in the house, please," I chided,
and handed her a cookie, while silently vowing to destroy that coupon at a later
date. Over my dead body would my pets ever step into Kelp again. Long story.

Aquari, my rigidly rule-following striped Xweetok,
sauntered in and dropped her book bag onto the table.

"Hi, Mom. I signed up for Student Council. I
hope I win, 'cause then I'll be able to have enough authority to make sure nobody
breaks the rules. Mmm, did you make these cookies?"

Before I had time to formulate a good lie, Luna,
my Battledome pet, strutted into the kitchen. She also left her book bag on
the table and grabbed a handful of cookies.

"Mocha, can you drop me off at the Island Academy
today? I need to train agility. Wow, I didn't know you could cook anything that
wasn't ready-made. Kudos to you."

I sighed. Of all my pets, Luna was the only one
who still tried to call me by my first name.

"It's Mom. Not Mocha. And yes, I'll drop you
off after you finish your homework."

My last pet, Triss the trendy baby Usul, sashayed
in and looked dubiously at a cookie.

"Like, how much fat's in there, Mom? Aquari said
I was, like, looking kind of chubby."

I looked at my slim little pet. "Triss, Aquari
was probably teasing as usual. Eat it. And what took you so long?"

Luna smirked and did a sad imitation of Triss's
form of speech. "She was, like, talking with her friend Charmed about that awesome
sale at the Grooming Parlour."

Triss promptly whacked Luna on the head with
a spatula she'd found on the counter.

"Mom, I, like, brought in the Neopian Times so
you can read"-she rolled her eyes-"all those short stories you adore. And while
you're at it, can you check for any sales in the shops? There's a new shirt
out featuring Fyora, but it costs, like, a fortune."

Luna gasped in indignation. "Mo-om! You're not
going to buy it for her, are you? No fair! You said you're saving up for my
Royal Paint Brush!"

Triss rolled her eyes. "Jeez, Luna. I'm saving
up myself to get the shirt. Mom's only going to, like, help a little. Anyway,
you, like, care way too much about that dumb paint brush."

Luna bristled. "Easy for you to say. You're already
painted Baby, Miss Trendy-Spendy! You've cost Mom more money than all of us
put together!"

Luna gaped. "You don't even care about the Battledome!
You just want to show off your level to your friends at Neoschool!"

As my pets lapsed into what they did best (arguing),
I took the paper and scanned it. In bold green text, the headline read:

JHUIDAH'S MAGICAL COOKING POT
STOLEN!

Last night at about 8:00 NST, Jhuidah was
called to Faerieland on a false message that Dr. Sloth had returned. Upon realizing
it was a hoax, she returned to her home and found it ransacked with the cooking
pot gone. When asked to comment, the distraught faerie said, "If my cooking
pot has fallen into the wrong hands, this could mean disaster for Neopia. Vira
could mix mirrors with her magic, Eliv Thade could combine anagrams and spells,
or worse. Whoever took it, please give it back."

Needless to say, a reward has been offered
by Queen Fyora for any information regarding the cooking pot's whereabouts.
For the complete interview with Jhuidah, see "COOKING POT", A3.

I squealed with excitement. "Guys, quit yammering
and look at this." I looked behind me and saw Luna frantically clawing the floor
while Triss belabored her over the head with the spatula, with Autumn and Aquari
shouting encouragement to both sides. I took a deep breath and assumed my best,
but very sad attempt at a bellow.

"Luna! Claws out of the floor, please. Triss!
Put down that spatula before you concuss your sister. All of you! Jhuidah's
cooking pot's been stolen!"

This proclamation produced a desirable effect.
Luna unhooked her claws, Triss put down the spatula, Autumn's mouth fell open,
and Aquari said, in a shocked voice, "Stolen? That's so against the rules!"

I read my pets the article, but nobody except
Aquari seemed too concerned until I reached the reward part. That was when Luna
jumped to her feet and said, "A reward from Fyora? I could get my Royal Paint
Brush! C'mon, we've got a mystery to solve." She herded her three siblings into
her room and shut the door. I sat wearily and decided to read the Neopian Times.
There was nothing like getting lost in a short story after an encounter with
my four boisterous pets.

* * * * *

About a half hour later, Luna strolled innocently
downstairs. In fact, she strolled so innocently I instantly became suspicious.
I was on my guard as she halted in front of me, and said, in a sugary voice,
"Mommy, we want to ask you something."

Even though I was suspicious, it had been so
long since Luna had called me "Mommy" that my heart started softening a bit.
I tried not to show this by replying briskly,

"Well, spit it out then." I noticed that Triss,
Autumn, and Aquari had joined Luna, and were looking up at me with huge, hopeful
eyes.

"Can we go to the Neoboards, Mommy?" asked Luna.
My heart froze over and grew icicles.

"The Neoboards? Are you out of your mind? No
way am I letting you go to the Neoboards! It'll just end up with you being in
trouble or picking a fight with someone. No, I absolutely forbid it." All four
of my pets looked at me pathetically. My heart started softening again.

"Like, Mommy, it's just that, on the rare occasions
you get on the boards, you always come back from the boards and, like, talk
about what a good time you had chatting with, like, all your friends and stuff.
And we thought, like, maybe we've been missing out on something. So please?"
Triss did her best cutesy face. My heart melted into a puddle.

"Well... maybe if Aquari watched over you, and
you only went to the fan club boards... but you'd have to make sure not to insult
anyone..." My voice petered out. My pets could see they'd reeled me in, hook,
line, and sinker. Luna was already grinning evilly. One last piece of my heart
remained, so I grabbed it and dropped a bombshell.

"But you have to finish your homework first."

All my pets groaned, then rushed off to the kitchen
to grab their discarded book bags. I decided to let them onto the Neoboards
every day if they would act like this.

* * * * *

After about twenty minutes, my pets reappeared
again.

"Mom, we're done," said Aquari. "So can you please
take us to the Neoboards now?"

I sighed. "All right. Let's go," I said grudgingly.
As we walked to the boards, I lectured my pets one last time. "No name calling,
no getting into fights, no spamming, no posting chain mail letters, no breaking
any of the rules I haven't yet mentioned, and absolutely NO going on the Battledoming
boards, Luna." My pets nodded solemnly. "Now be good, and I don't want more
trouble for Luna tackling someone because they think she's a boy." By this time,
we had arrived at the Neoboards. I bent to give them one last word of warning.
"And whatever you do, stay OUT of the Evil Things/Monster Sighting board. I'm
not going to come and get you to find you've been kidnapped by Vira or something."

"Mom, quit worrying. We're not going to get you
in trouble, okay?"

I noticed, with some dismay, that Luna had stopped
calling me "Mommy", but decided to let it pass, and said, "Do you want me to
walk you over to the Fan Clubs board?"

"Thanks but no thanks, Mommy," said Autumn. "We'll
be fine."

"Yeah, Mom. Like, you can't treat us like babies
forever," added Triss, seeming to ignore the fact that she was, indeed, a baby.

"Well then, begone," I said. "I'll pick you up
at 5:00 NST. That gives you about an hour. And if you get in any kind of trouble,
I will ground you for all eternity and deprive you of every privilege I can
think of." My threat went unheeded; my pets had already dashed in the direction
of the Fan Clubs board. I stared at them with narrowed eyes, determined not
to let anything distract me from seeing them enter the designated board. They
were almost in...

"Oh my gosh, Mocha? I thought you didn't usually
chat!"

I spun around to see who was talking to me, and
grinned. It was Mandy, the leader of my guild and the owner of my pets' best
friends.

"Hi, Mandy. I don't really chat, but my pets
insisted they'd been missing out on something, so they've gone into the Fan
Clubs board."

Mandy smiled. "What a coincidence. Charmed, Prancer,
and Vision gave me the same speech. They're in the Fan Clubs board too. I bet
Triss and Charmed will find a mutual board."

I felt better, knowing my pets would find their
friends.

"I hope so. I don't want any of them getting
into trouble. I'd better be off. Got to go restock lots if I want to get Luna's
paint brush."

Mandy nodded. "I've got to go clear the guild
contest. Someone sent in forty copies of the same entry. Forty! I ask you..."

I clucked sympathetically. "Well, later." I glanced
at the Fan Clubs board, hoped my pets were behaving, and strode off to Mystery
Island, wondering why I had a nagging feeling my pets had pulled one over me
yet again.

* * * * *

I arrived exactly at 5:00 NST to find Triss,
Autumn, Luna, and Aquari chattering happily with Charmed, Prancer, and Vision
just outside the Fan Clubs Board. I distinctly heard the words 'Meeting' and
'Evil' before Luna saw me and started gesturing frantically. Their conversation
ground to an awkward halt, and my pets raced up to me, babbling about how wonderful
the boards were. I bade good-bye to the other three pets, and started walking
home.

"What was that about a meeting and something
evil?" I asked.

"We don't know what you're talking about," said
Autumn innocently.

"Mom, you must have, like, imagined hearing us
say that," said Triss shiftily.

"How many evil plots could we ever get into?"
said Aquari, in a rather offended voice.

"It's not like you'd ever give us a chance,"
said Luna, a little too regretfully.

"And that's bad... why?" I inquired in my most
dangerous voice.

"Never mind," said Luna quickly.

The rest of the walk home passed relatively uneventfully,
with Triss only trying to maul Luna once. Since my pets had been so well-behaved
at the Neoboards, I decided to forgo cooking and order takeout from Pizzaroo.
When I went to fill out the Neomail order form, I found a Neomail waiting in
my inbox:

Dear Mocha,

I need to talk to you about an urgent matter.
Please come to my house around 6:30 NST. Make sure you've eaten dinner. Bring
your pets.

Mandy

I read this while completing the order form,
and decided that the "urgent matter" couldn't be anything more serious than
me having to help her clear the guild contest of all forty entries. After we
had eaten dinner, we set off to Mandy's house. Once we had arrived, I saw that
Mandy and her pets were sitting in a semicircle in the living room, looking
so grave that I began to hyperventilate.

"Oh no, you're kicking me out of the guild, aren't
you? I'm sorry about the Slorg Incident! I swear it won't happen ever again!
Don't get rid of me, please," I babbled. Mandy rolled her eyes.

"Mocha, calm down. I'm not ousting you, and this
isn't about the Slorg Incident. Sit."

I remained standing. This was a bit too much.

"Then what the asparagus is going on?"

"Mom, don't say bad words!" said Autumn, sounding
profoundly shocked.

"We've all been in a big huge plot to find the
cooking pot, even Mandy," said Aquari without further ado. I sank wearily onto
an uncomfortable Purple Coral Bean Bag.

"Now, why am I not surprised? I should have known.
And you've dragged Mandy into it too. Shame on you."

"Actually, I was in on it from the start," Mandy
said, looking abashed.

"Like, remember how we went to Luna's room to,
like, plan?" said Triss. I nodded.

"Well, we, like, sent a Neomail to Mandy and,
like told her about it, and she thought it was, like, a brilliant idea, so-"

"Wait a second," I said. "First, will you tell
me what this brilliant plan is?" All other than me glanced at each other and
shrugged.

"Might as well," said Luna. "But you can't say
anything until we're done." I nodded mutely.

"All right. Our plan was, we'd persuade you to
take us to the Neoboards. When we got there, Mandy would distract you so you
wouldn't see us, Charmer, Prancer, and Vision go into the Evil Things/Monster
Sighting board. Then, we'd pretend we were calling a villain contest. Whoever
has the most heinous crime wins a meeting with Dr. Sloth himself. Judging is
in the middle of the Lost Desert around a campfire, at 11:00 NST. Everyone will
say what crime they're entering. We'll find out who took the Cooking Pot for
sure. Then, we'll turn him or her in, get the reward, split it, and get my Royal
Paint Brush. It's foolproof. Mocha--I mean Mom--shut your mouth, or a Buzzer
will go in."

I closed my mouth.

"Well, I don't think that's entirely foolproof,"
I said. "What if the villain doesn't show up? How are you going to deal with
a heinous villain wanting to meet with Dr. Sloth? What if Dr. Sloth himself
shows up?"

Aquari smirked. "All taken care of. It turns
out that Mandy knows someone whose brother once did a quest for a Light Faerie
who is friends with another Light Faerie-" she paused for a breath "-whose sister
runs errands for the Space Faerie, and she got word to the Space Faerie, who
told her that Sloth is safely in some other star system. If we find the right
villain, we'll take them aside to find out the details and then tell everyone
that they're all so evil that we couldn't decide on a winner, and they will
get notified when we do decide. If we can't find the right villain, we'll just
tell them that anyway."

I shook my head. "Going to a villain convention
is too dangerous for you. I forbid it."

Mandy nodded. "Sorry, guys, I have to agree with
Mocha on this one. She's right, it's too dangerous for you."

"I know," said Vision. I stared; Vision was usually
even more stubborn than Luna.

"We're not going to coordinate the villain contest.
You are," said Charmed.