Jokes Page 18

A man had a pet centipede. He said, “centipede, go get the paper and make it quick ! ”

Half an hour later the man went outside and said, “I thought I told you to get the paper half an hour ago!”

“Well, I had to put on my shoes,” said the centipede.

A man was looking out his window when he noticed that there was a snail on one of his plants. So he took the snail and threw him as far as he could. Ten years later the old man heard a tap on his window, and when he looked up he saw a very angry snail who looked at him and said, “Hey! What did you do that for? ”

Martin, was in the hospital on his death bed. The family called Martin’s Preacher to be with him in his final moments. As the Preacher stood by the bed, Martin’s condition seemed to get worse, and Martin motioned for someone to quickly pass him a pen and paper. The Preacher quickly got a pen and paper and lovingly handed it to Martin. But before he had a chance to read the note, Martin died. The Preacher, feeling that now wasn’t the right time to read it, put the note in his jacket pocket. It was at the funeral while speaking that the Preacher suddenly remembered the note. Reaching deep into his pocket the Preacher said “and you know what, I suddenly remembered that right before Martin died he handed me a note, and knowing Martin I’m sure it was something inspiring that we can all benefit from. With that introduction, the Preacher ripped out the note and opened it. The note said “HEY, YOU ARE STANDING ON MY OXYGEN TUBE ! ”