From mud huts, umqomboti and straightback to penthouses, expensive weaves and moet!

YES 223

Ok I have to pose here for a second, this man and his daughter are the ones who

pursued me not the other way round. I never for one moment ran to Mbuso’s house to ask for salt yet now here he was dumping me. What do Sotho people say? Wa ntlwaela masepa sies! I stood at the door for a good minute before I went and sat down to ask myself what had just happened? This was me having baby daddy issues and I did not even have a baby! I was touched I won’t lie! I had caught feelings. Much as I did not want him as a lover I considered him a friend of sorts. I called my sister and was surprised actually when she picked up because of the way we left,

“Guess what?”

I told her.

“What is it?”

Look everyone loves gossip. Don’t let those Deputy Jesus lie to you and say that they don’t. We love it. If it’s true that gossip is spread by wicked people then church folk I am sorry to tell you this, heaven is further than you think actually you know what just drop the cause you aint going anywhere near it!

“Listen to you getting all excited for gossip shame on you!”

I told her and she laughed. The truth is gossip is centered on the notion that people are quick to believe the bad things they hear about good people. We want to see them fall that’s why it’s so nice to hear the bad things the high and uppity do.

“Oh come on do tell!”

She said impatiently. Yeah having information someone else wants really is power.

“Mbuso just came to my house and asked me to stay away from Ntheteng and him because we are ruining the growth of his child!”

I told her.

“Did he say we?”

She asked me. I could feel that her heart actually sank because I don’t think it is something she wanted to here.

“No he said me but he explained that you and I in his life has messed up his daughter so I think it was meant to get back to you sis!”

I told her. She did not respond like I thought she would. I was hurt yes but I was laughing too. I could hear her breathing slightly in the background,

“What’s wrong?”

I asked her.

“Nothing it’s just that I …”

She did not continue.

“You really liked him didn’t you?”

I asked her realizing that I might have miscalculated slightly on this one.

“Yes I suppose I did and before you ask why I went back to my husband I will answer you. When someone gets married and things go wrong you feel like if given a second chance to fix things you should at least give it a try. Failing in marriage is humiliating because when you settled down the first time you thought you had gotten it right before God and the world.”

She explained to me. It’s one of those times were logic is overshadowed by emotion but I was not going to use it on her right now. Losing him had hurt her I know and it had hurt my mother too as her golden child had come home.

“I know I can never understand as I am not in your shoes right now but if I can be honest, when we got back today you did not run home to your newly returned husband meaning that you did not want to see him immediately. That should be a signal if mama could ever give one stronger!”

I said trying to crack a joke at the end there. She did not buy the joke though.

“I have to go! I will talk to you later!”

She said. I think I had touched a nerve and she was more hurt than I thought.

“Ok cool just be ok and know that no matter what I love you so much!”

I reminded her. Why is it we never tell our siblings that we love them? Black parents never tell us that they love us! It’s like we are a duty to them when we are born.

“I love you too Lungi!”

She said and she hung up.

“Food food food!”

I said as I got up. My fridge was not empty but nothing really appealed to me and besides I was too tired to cook so I ordered in. The funeral was done now I could work on other things. I was tired though so today I chose falling asleep. The interview had been sat up for Tuesday so I decided the best thing to do was to start researching the company tomorrow. It’s something a lot of people know but take for granted, never go for an interview without researching what the company is about and applying your mind to that. I fell asleep thinking of that and with the way I was so tired I only woke up after 8 the following morning.

“So much to do with so little time!”

I told myself as I showered in the morning. I was feeling cheerful at the moment when it hit me that I had no received a call from Mbilahelo since yesterday. He had not checked if I was ok or if I had gotten home. When we left there had been bullets and gunshots so what if something had happened to him. I panicked and as soon as I had washed the soap off me I ran to call him. The phone rang and he picked up,

“Hello who is this?”

He asked curtly. This guy was a police man through and through! Even the way he spoke it was like he was interrogating a suspect.

“Oh wow you deleted my number as soon as I left!”

I told him and whilst I was half joking the other half of me was thinking it was odd.

“Lungi no never that. Yesterday when I ran out I dropped my phone and it cracked. Your number unfortunately was saved on the phone so I lost it. I wanted to call you so badly but I could not!”

He explained himself so fast I think he thought I would hang up again and before I could even answer he surprised me with,

“Please hang up!”

He said totally random.

“Why?”

I asked him. I thought maybe he was getting another call but there was no message on my side to say so. He was acting peculiar.

“Just do it please!”

He asked again.

“Ok then!”

I said and I hung up. First thought that came to mind was that maybe he was with a girl because what else could have caused him to act so strange. He had already said that he wanted to talk to me yesterday yet we did not even last more than a minute on the phone. I didn’t have to wait long, he called,

“Hey Lungi how are you?”

He asked me.

“Uhm ok… I am good thanks and you!”

I told him.

“I am good too. Did you travel safely?”

He asked me.

“Yes I did Mbilahelo what are you doing?”

I asked him.

“I am making it up to you for the phone call I should have made yesterday. I am really sorry I don’t know your number by heart yet and I really wanted to check in to see if you were safe!”

He said. That was actually very sweet and I was not even angry at him because to be honest I forgot too. When I got home I got busy and passed out.

“Its ok Mr. don’t worry about it. Sorry about leaving without saying goodbye yesterday but after those gunshots it made sense to leave! I hope no one got hurt!”

I told him.

“No no one got hurt. It was one of the drunk guys shooting in the air. He was promptly arrested and I think he will regret that little stunt. My aunts asked for you as well and I made up excuses.”

He went on to say.

“I hope you apologized for me because they will really think Joburg girls are rude as your aunt said.”

I told him and now come to think of it the way we had left had been rather uncalled for. Those people had welcomed us with open arms and this was the first funeral which I had attended and I had eaten food there without getting sick.

“Nah I think they understood that with the commotion it was bound to happen. I am just so glad you called me hey I was rather worried!”

He said.

“When are you coming back?”

I asked him.

“On the weekend unfortunately. There is still a lot to do this side but I promise I will keep in touch now that I have your number!”

He said.

“One minute remaining!”

The white lady said on my phone and I had to go. I needed airtime and without a bank access it meant I was forced to go to the garage to buy. I honestly can’t remember the last time I used a voucher to buy airtime but oh well.

“Simba hi!”

I said when he picked up the phone.

“Remember that interview you offered me, I have decided to go for it!”

I told him.

“Oh that’s great and it’s a good thing you called me as I am meeting my connection later. I had intended to go cancel for you!”

He said and the relief in his voice was palpable.

“How is your sister?”

I asked him.

“As you can imagine things are a bit bad. Mbuso was not playing her got her arrested. It’s a mess right now but I got her good lawyers!”

He said. I could hear he was lying though but I am not sure which part of that was the lie.

“Its cool we will talk later but please send me all the details of what I need to know about the company!”

I told him. That had been my other reason for calling and thank heavens I had not forgotten. Simba being diligent by the time I got home he had sent me the links to the company. I now had something to do. In life when you don’t have purpose you might as well be dead.

Sfiso called me.

“Lungi may I please come see you because I know you have something you want to discuss with me. Please don’t be like this you and I actually get along very well!”

He told me like I did not already know.

“I am busy today I have an interview tomorrow so I am preparing for that. I will rather see you the day after tomorrow!”

I told him.

“It’s a bit far. I need to see you now because it’s extremely important!”

He told me and from the sound of his tone it did sound urgent.

“Why don’t you tell me over the phone?”

I asked him.

“Because I am already by the garage close to your house! I will wait here the whole day if I must but I am not leaving”

He said defiantly.

“Ok come through then!”

I told him. Whatever it was this guy could not just show up at my place when it pleased him. I waited for him.

When he walked in he was sweating and looked as though he had been running.

Thank you all for reading my letter. A lot has happened to me lately and I need advice. I am married to a man I have loved for 10 years. We have three kids but one of them is disabled because he was hit by car when he was 6 and it was my fault. He was in the house and I was returning from a baby shower in the late afternoon. When I parked the car in the garage that day there were boxes so I misjudged the closeness and I hit the boxes. As they were stacked the top ones started falling so reversed quickly to get out of the way. My son had heard the car and he ran out of the house behind the car and I hit him. It was bad and what’s worse I had drunk two glasses of wine before I came home. The shower was less than a km away. This was a year ago and my husband has never forgiven me for it. At first he was very angry which I understood. We went through many surgeries and he was there but now I don’t feel him anymore. He started drinking (he had quit about 7 years ago) and now he drinks every day. When I ask him why he snaps or gets angry for no reason. He has not touched me sexually since the day of the accident. I suggested we go for therapy but he refused saying that it will not make our son fine.

I am losing my family and I don’t know what to do. I hate myself for what I did and I have begged for his forgiveness my sons and husbands but I am losing them. I dread waking up in the morning to see the life I took from my son and when I look at the father there is only hatred in his eyes. I am so lost.

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17 thoughts on “YES 223”

Bad Mother, you are NOT A BAD MOTHER, God works in mysterious ways, He does things in His OWN TIME, it could ve been worse, it could ve happened when you were sober, it could ve happened to your husband…. My advice you dont need such stress right now, you need to be there for your baby (pity you didnt say, how disabled he is, is he paralysed, brain or what), get all the help you need, go for theraphy for your sanity, and try and live with things you can’t change, mostly FORGIVE YOURSELF you made a mistake, all the best.

Thanks Team, …
@Mother – you are not a bad mother, you just made a bad decision and and and… I’m sorry that you are going through this. Maybe for a start, you can get a family member / Pastor to come speak to your family at home and convince all of you to go for therapy. This has the potential to destroy your family if left unattended. I have seen families destroyed because of an accident that has claimed a life of one of their children, all because they couldn’t accept and forgive the situation. Kubuhlungu sisi! Pray sisi…

I think gogo (Lungi’s grandma) gave Sfiso a signal, ,the dreams must be hunting Sfiso shame.. Usually twins do not get twins, themselves.. lets find out if there were twins from Lungi or Sfiso’ s bloodline (from bo Khokho to their current generation)

You’re not a bad mother at all. You need to forgive yourself. Another way to look at it is why was your son running behind the car in the first place? Why was the person they were left with not supervising him? You see you can’t lay the blame on yourself because it was a very unfortunate accident. I think your husband just wanted someone to blame and you’re the easiest scapegoat. Your entire family needs counseling to help you move on from what happened and face the next phase of your lives

@Mother. Eish, this hit home. My son used to do the same. I shout at him and everyone including my husband thinks Im nasty. Im sorry your story turned out so bad. Pray, go for counselling. It trully was not your fault. Reversing was the first reaction any person would have made. Askies hle. Your husband also needs to go for counselling. He will need time to make peace with what happened. Dont rush it though. Let healing take its course.

Yhoo, I am so touched that you call yourself a bad mother because of an accident. There will be a lot of should have could have but there is nothing you could have done. You need to forgive yourself, mistakes happen to all of us and if we are to move on we need to forgive. I am certain you have apologised and that’s the best you can do. Do not allow anyone to keep you imprisoned by this. As for your husband, he needs lesson on love and humanity, speak to him, explain how the way he is acting makes you feel, ask him if he wants to continue with the relationship and if so he must forgive you completely for what has happened so that you can both move on and enjoy a happy marriage, if he can’t then you must decide if you want to be made feel guilty For the rest of your life.

Yhoo, I am so touched that you call yourself a bad mother because of an accident. There will be a lot of should have could have but there is nothing you could have done. You need to forgive yourself, mistakes happen to all of us and if we are to move on we need to forgive. I am certain you have apologised and that’s the best you can do. Do not allow anyone to keep you imprisoned by this. As for your husband, he needs lesson on love and humanity, speak to him, explain how the way he is acting makes you feel, ask him if he wants to continue with the relationship and if so he must forgive you completely for what has happened so that you can both move on and enjoy a happy marriage, if he can’t then you must decide if you want to be made feel guilty For the rest of your life.

Bad Mother- I don’t even know why you are calling yourself that but you are far from it. Forgive yourself first and focus your child’s healing. Your husband should be supporting you through this, you need each other now more than ever.

My hearts bled as I read your letter. It was a mistake. An unfortunate mistake. But still, a mistake. You are not a bad mother. I am so sorry for the guilt that you carry.

I can’t say much about your marriage, but I can say that you need to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself to have the strength for your children, particularly your son. Forgive yourself for your sanity. Do not let your own unforgiveness to self, harm your children, because it will. Probably easier said than done, but I do hope you find peace and comfort in acknowledging that you could never have intentionally hurt your children.