is daniel gordon even his real name?

Fugitive Rhode Island Rep. Blames Crimes On Fake Iraq War Service

Rhode Island GOP lawmaker Daniel Gordon Jr. was last heard from a week ago when the Rhode Island State Police discovered that he is a wanted fugitive in the state of Massachusetts who also turns out to be a prickly violent criminal with a two decade-long rap sheet more extensive than, eh, let’s say “the complete works of Shakespeare,” give or take a few hundred words. This tragic idiot also turns out to be a third-tier con artist whose foolproof response to journalists asking about his criminal misadventures was an epic fiction blaming PTSD he says he sustained while serving in Iraq during the first Gulf War, ’cause the Mooslims blew up his leg. He would love to show you the proof, but also very tragically, uh, a massive house fire sadly destroyed all the evidence! The Department of Defense has no record of any of this either, because they hate freedom.

Here is the hilarious tale of Gordon lying over and over, badly, to an AP reporter:

On Friday, Gordon insisted that his service record is incomplete. He said he couldn’t provide evidence of his time in Iraq because many of his photos and keepsakes from his service were destroyed in a house fire when he was living in Fall River, Mass., in 2005.

“I’m disappointed that the DOD didn’t provide you with a full and accurate record,” he told the AP on Friday. “I don’t know what else to tell you.”

Records obtained from the Marine Corps show Gordon joined the Marines on June 4, 1987, and served at bases in South Carolina, Tennessee, Washington and California, and spent six months with an aviation unit at a Marine Corps air station in Japan.

The records show no deployments to the Middle East. Maj. Shawn Haney, a public affairs officer with the Marines, said Gordon’s file would indicate any time spent in Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Bahrain or Iraq during the Gulf War.

Gordon told reporters this week that his right leg was struck by shrapnel “eight miles south of Baghdad” in February 1991. He said his unit was based in Bahrain.

“I can assure you, I was there,” he said Wednesday.

Gordon’s record lists two awards, one for his time stationed in Japan. The other, the National Defense Service Medal, was given to all personnel on active duty at the time of the Gulf War, regardless of where they served.

Gordon said he received the Southwest Asia Service Medal, an award given to members of the armed services deployed to the Middle East for the Gulf War. The award is not listed in his file. Asked if he would present the medal publicly, Gordon said it wouldn’t do any good because they are easily found at pawn shops.

Not in the records? No Purple Heart? Uh, how about showing us the, uh, you know, scar?

PuckStopsHere

It wouldn't do no good. You can buy those at any pawn shop. Everybody knows that.

DaRooster

Mine came from Amazon… and there was sweat all over it.

HateMachine

Anyone with a scalpel, willpower, and free time can do that himself. Showing us wouldn't prove anything, so he won't bother hiking his pants leg and demonstrating that he's too much of a pussy to give himself a convincing faux war wound.

Lascauxcaveman

Anyone who can clumsily fall off their porch onto an unfortunately placed garden implement can do that to himself.

Trust me on this one.

HateMachine

Man, there is just no such thing as a fortunately placed gardening implement, is there?

So the guy's a magnet for flying debris. That wayward satellite held so much promise if only it had been aligned w/ a higher purpose of selective destruction. Now I'm back to wishing for just good old-fashioned lightning bolts.

HempDogbane

Anyone can make shit up, but without ovaries and a shrieky voice there's no chance of getting to the White House.

GregComlish

The GOP are such easy marks for sociopaths like this. All you have to do is keep saying "Jesus Reagan Tax-cuts" and apparently everyone gets too hypnotized to check your extensive criminal record.

OneDollarJuana

It's super easy to confirm an injury to his leg. How 'bout some beefcake, Mr. Gordon?

DaRooster

Twit pix or GTFO!

NorthStarSpanx

Danny and the other prominent phantom injury Vet Joe Miller (R-Anyone but Romney) can share fake war wound stories around a campfire (or a Tea Party cruise ship lounge.)

My Conflict Resolution professor at college didn't have to show us papers, he just knocked on his titanium leg to prove he served in Vietnam.

Limeylizzie

Excellent. My father , WW2 veteran, used to wear his uniform every Sunday morning at breakfast, just for the sheer hell of it.

I don't blame him. You never know when The Hun will decide third time's the charm!

Limeylizzie

He was a crazy man, now gone, he always wore army boots with a suit, claimed they were comfortable, had strange theories about women, they could be other “button faces” which are cute when young or “horse faces” not as cute as children but age better. Also a really pleasant racist, challenged , at the age of 75, the only black member of his badminton club to a game, the younger man was 30 years old!

HateMachine

"Shit at badminton" is probably one of the milder racial stereotypes I could think of, yes.

Lascauxcaveman

I just love the fact he was still playing badminton at 75. And that there is a place where black people are in badminton clubs.

Limeylizzie

It was more like a local council club, not country clubbish. We are the working-classes, darling.

Terry

Was this right before you shipped out from Buenes Aires to fight bugs on other planets?

TheGyrus

Gordon told reporters this week that his right leg was struck by shrapnel “eight miles south of Baghdad” in February 1991.

Oddly, the closest the rest of the ground forces involved in Desert Storm got to Baghdad was about 150 miles. I guess this guy must have been some kind of super-secret mission.

BaldarTFlagass

And the Marines were pretty much restricted to fighting in Kuwait.

SorosBot

Well maybe he was on a super top secret special mission that you've never heard of, because it was secret, which is why there are no records of it, and it totally won the war for America.

DustBowlBlues

the records are stored in Area 51, and you know what that means.

zhubajie

That he was Martian Marines?

Terry

Making up s$#t is a lot harder in the age of Google.

Lascauxcaveman

Not really, but making it stick is.

SexySmurf

His leg injury may be fake but his traumatic brain injury is very, very real.

Terry

He was dropped on his head as an infant when his mother was trying to hold him while measuring out some Crisco.

Lascauxcaveman

"yeahhh… I was in Iraq, got my leg blown up. Got me some of that Post-Traumatical-Distress-whatever. That's what's made me do those things. Yeah, that's the ticket…"

[/Jon Lovitz]

Lucidamente1

Where are the Swiftboat Veterans for Truth when you need them?

DustBowlBlues

Buffet, their financier (I'm quoting Nina Totenberg here, the arbiter of all things truthful.), is too busy selling natural gas to write them a check this time. He'll get around to it before Hopey runs, I'm sure.

horsedreamer_1

You mean T. Boone Pickens?

Terry

Making up crap about people who actually did serve as they say they did.

BaldarTFlagass

"He has photos of his unit available"

Will he be posting them to Twitter anytime soon, I wonder?

Limeylizzie

I fucking hope not.

YasserArraFeck

Posting pics of one's "unit" on the Interwebz is generally frowned upon, no?

HistoriCat

Depends on how impressive your unit is.

Negropolis

Didn't ever see the pictures, but I hear that it didn't seem to help Anthony Wiener.

It's OK, he's GOP. In fact, someone should give him a nice comfy job with FoxNews.

DarwinianDemon

…so when he says "shrapnel from baghdad" he meant "twisted ankle from bitchin moves on DDR".

Bots Meat Commission

In his defense, who HASN'T wanted to light everything in Fall River on fire?

samsuncle

Gordon claimed he was also wounded in action in Iran. When asked by reporters to show his wounds he pulled down his pants to expose the entrance wound in the middle of his stomach just above the belt line. He then tuned his back to the reporters bent over and pulled his cheeks apart to show them the exit wound.

An_Outhouse

Plus that big crack that appeared surrounding the exit wound.

AJWjr.

I'm sure a comprehensive internet search of his myspace and fakebook pages will reveal far more information on this matter than his DD-214.

This guy's time in the Marines closely parallels mine: mostly stateside with a stint in Japan; no combat action. But I never lied about my time. I mean, it's just too easy for an enterprising journalist to look that shi…

What's that you say? There are no more enterprising journalists left in the world?

Well in that case, back during 'Storm I was leading my platoon… scratch that. I was leading my battalion in a raid just south of Baghdad…

Fuck that! As long as people aren't bothering to fact-check, you were at Iwo Jima AND Normandy.

Terry

Bull Run and Antetam, too.

Bots Meat Commission

Oooh. Tell us all about Khe Sanh in your best grizzled, disillusioned Vietnam vet speaking voice.

chicken_thief

You need to be careful. A vague lie will stand up better than a detailed one. You get too specific and I'll know in a heart beat whether you are telling the truth or not. After all, I was there, guiding Schwarzkopf all the way.

A better cover story would be that he was injured in the Boer Wars – I mean who is going to check – or even know what they are???

Weenus299

I stubbed my toe during the Pelopo… Pelleponn…. Pelloponesian …. Peloponnesian war

prommie

If he had any talent for lying, he would claim he was covert, and thats why there are no records, and then he would put an end to all further questions by telling the reporters "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

chicken_thief

That works. Whenever asked just say: "special ops". If any questions or comments follow just smile a little.

Yes, and for no obvious reason other than I've had the earworm all morning and writing it down sometimes exorcises is. And at least it's semi-appropriate, not like those mornings when I get "Muskrat Love."

proudgrampa

You know how you get a song in your head and can't stop? I've got Captain and Tenille's "Love Will Keep Us Together" playing this morning…

BaldarTFlagass

Some weird shit going on here. What is it, their wedding anniversary or something?

I thought accepting personal responsibility for one's actions was a republican core value. He should have used Rep. Joe Walsh as a role model.

NewtsUndies

Well, his being in the military would be consistent with his being a violent criminal. Oh, did I say that aloud?

Mahousu

It's true he picked up a wound in his leg, but it was eight miles south of Bagdad [sic], Kentucky, and not Baghdad, Iraq. Very easy to confuse the two.

BaldarTFlagass

Or maybe Bagdad-sic, California. Very desert-y, and the Marines have a base nearby…

Mahousu

If only someone had convinced Bush to invade Bagdad (either of them) rather than Baghdad. It would have done at least as much good for the "war on terror," and would have been a lot less costly.

bagofmice

Any man named Gordon knows the value of a good crow-bar.

Dr_Zoidberg

Oh, I like him! Let's nominate him for the GOP presidential campaign! Can you imagine what a debate with this nutjob would be like?

HateMachine

Indistinguishable from the other GOP debates? I'd say 'even more shameless' but I'm not sure that's possible.

Dr_Zoidberg

Oh, but the insanity levels would be through the roof!

Geminisunmars

Ya, that would add an element of lying sleaze-bag to the proceedings. Oh, wait…

Weenus299

I'll bet he busted a knuckle while punching his wife.

Terry

…when she walked in on him with an underaged male hooker.

Weenus299

"This week, Gordon showed The Associated Press paperwork from the Department of Veterans Affairs showing he was eligible for a disability payment of $123 a month for his injury. The paperwork showed that Gordon was honorably discharged in 1991."

This is exactly the same amount of money I'm paid for my disability. I'm 10 percent disabled because of a wacky arthritic left knee that was the result of a service-connected disability.

I got it storming Normandy, which is eight miles south of Berlin.

proudgrampa

Thank you for your service.

I would have thought 8 miles south of Berlin would have been a lot safer than Normandy!

grex1949

He tripped over a wrench trying to hide from the Gunny and hurt his knee. This guy needs a blanket party, know what I'm sayin'?

He has had a tough life–getting his wooden leg burned up in a house fire and all that.

genxr

Corporal Clegg, is that you?

DaRooster

“I’m disappointed that the DOD didn’t provide you with a full and accurate record,” he told the AP on Friday. “I don’t know what else to tell you.”

"Now officer, arrest the guy that asked that question."

smitallica

Hey, don't feel bad, Daniel. The DOD can't seem to find W's Air National Guard service records either, and he was President (sort of).

James Michael Curley

Fork him! He's done.

proudgrampa

Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practise to deceive!

GunToting[Redacted]

Needs moar practice.

PalinzADummy

Dammit! If I'd been 25 minutes earlier!

Allmighty_Manos

Utter Bullshit and rap sheets are the fuel which keeps the fires of Rhode Island politics burning.

Beowoof

Judging by the criminal history of Rhode Island politicians this guy is a natural for elective office. Maybe Buddy Cianci and his crew should have chat with this guy.

genxr

Reporter: "Do you have a military ID?"
Gordon: "ID? Charlie didn't ask for ID when I fought at La Choy and Chung King. I saw my best friend's head explode at Margaret Cho."

Beowoof

Not to mention the battles of Long Wang and Suc Muc Dic.

grex1949

Actually, he suffered a serious wound to his unit in the Boxer Rebellion.

PubOption

Does Rhode Island count as a red state?

SenileAgitation

Needs more Whitey Bulger

PalinzADummy

Needs more Bulge and less Whitey, I'm thinkin'.

owhatever

Although on the run from the law, he can remain in good standing as a Republican as long as he is not the geh.

notgross

Tell you what. Give us the names of 5 Marines you served with there. Last names are fine, but no Jones or Miller or Johnson allowed. Can't do that? How about the name of your CO or your 1st Sergeant? What was the name of your frigging unit when you deployed?

Anything?

grex1949

In the opinion of this former marine, there are few more despicable than shitbirds like this, who capitalize on sacrifices others have made. I'll bet his "war heroism" was the centerpiece of his election campaign.

PalinzADummy

None of the Republicans want to serve, yet ALL of them want to claim the glory.

notgross

Well, he did serve, but it looks like he didn't raise his hand to go play in the sandbox.

PalinzADummy

I was speaking generally, which is always good for a few punctures to the old self-esteem. But, see, he could have said "I served," and left it at that. That was honourable of him, to serve his country. Why ruin that by lying about it? They all want more glory than they're entitled to, the miserable schlumps.

JimNauseam

You should see the blaster wound he got at the battle of Hoth.

Guppy06

Through the choice of photograph, is Wonkett trying to suggest that this guy is a total cock?

PalinzADummy

Probly more like a chicken. Bok!

Antispandex

Found in porn shops? What kind of twisted son of a…Oh, PAWN shops. Well, that's different, and totally says nothing about how the patriotic Teapublicans have ensured the welfare of our veterans.

Tundra Grifter

"Gordon told reporters this week that his right leg was struck by shrapnel 'eight miles south of Baghdad' in February 1991."

I also recommend reading Hammett's "Maltese Falcon." Wonderful language in so many of his books and stories (including, of course, "The Continental Op").

PalinzADummy

I was fortunate to grow up in a house full of books, most of which I was permitted to read without supervision (which resulted in some ghastly adventures, like reading Shirer's "Rise and Fall of the Third Reich" at age nine, and "Lady Chatterly's Lover" at age 12). By some stroke of luck, my parents had a ton of murder mysteries, and Hammett was one of the prominently-featured authors. I miss the witty, snappy, sparkling repartee that characterized much of the work of that period.