What “Type” Of Facebook Friend Are You?

Like wild animals organized into species, Facebook friends can be grouped and categorized. Some annoy, others entertain and then, of course, there are the stalkers.

Not sure where you and your friends stand? Read these four types and see where you all fall. Might be time to brush up on these.

The RedundantsThink your significant other, your roommate, your best friend. Every time you read Ben just had a delicious hot dog or Michelle really wants new pants, you groan because you know you just shared the hot dog with Ben or you helped Michelle spot the pants. The problem with redundants is the close relationship. Hide their feed and you’ll have to explain to them why you did it when you’re forced to admit you didn’t see that cool video he/she posted. Sorry, you just have to suck it up and keep reading updates about things you just did.

The Secret PoliceThink your great aunt who hasn’t mastered Microsoft Word but somehow became a top scorer on Farmville. Or the daughter of your mom’s best friend who still holds the Barbie beheading against you. Basically, the secret police are those people who’s requests you accepted out of a sense of duty, then promptly forgot about. That is until your mom called asking about your new boyfriend or what you were really doing Friday night because this supposed “friend” couldn’t keep his/her mouth shut. Even if you are careful not to friend people you’d really rather not have access to your photo albums, there’s a chance you’re still letting in spies with direct lines to said relatives. Or even worse, you are the spy.

The CuriositiesAlmost everyone has a collection of barely-acquaintances: that kid you met at that one party, the guy you had two trig classes with before you dropped it, etc. In an effort to streamline your feed you might consider hiding their updates, but they always suck you back in. Maybe she’s a train wreck you just can’t look away from or maybe he’s an artist who posts his beautiful work (more likely, the train wreck, though). Either way, they keep your feed interesting and that’s why you keep them around.

The ExsNot limited to former lovers, this category also covers ex-roommates, friends and even bosses. It’s important to note, however, that there are two important subcategories within this “type.” First, there are the genuinely interesteds and then there are the unhealthy obsessions. If you suspect most of exes fall into the former, you should be fine. Keep them around for occasional updates on your shared past, the way you might look at the IMDB page of your favorite child actress to see if she has any projects coming up. If, however, there is even a chance that your exes are the latter, log off Facebook. Right now.

Rachel loves hats— Fedoras, ten-gallons, those crazy ones that fancy British ladies wear. Not only does she love hats, she also wears many of them. After graduating from Penn State, Rachel has been an ESL teacher, a barista, a proofreader, a barista, a copy editor, and probably a barista a couple more times.
Rachel now lives in Chicago with her three roommates: a rescue dog Nemo, her fiancé, and a flatscreen that’s always playing Scandal.
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