PHOENIX – In some ways, the Arizona Cardinals are blessed. Sure, they are a mess at quarterback, but not one of the three has yet to slam into a lineman’s backside, go down hard, fumble the ball, have the defense return it for a touchdown and thus provide the defining punch line to this laughable season.

The Cardinals haven’t had their most infamous obnoxious superfan pen a megalomaniacal letter to announce that he’s so disgusted with the decline of civilization, he’s retiring from his job of sitting on another guy’s shoulders during games and leading the stadium in a toddler’s chant.

The Cardinals don’t even have screaming radio hosts or hordes of slobbering fans crying out for their coach to be tarred and fired, even though the team has lost seven straight and is in danger of surrendering the media glare to golf.

Yes, it is not so terrible being a Cardinal. They play the New York Jets this weekend – two 4-7 teams clawing at the cliff’s side for dear life – and if the gridiron gods have any sense of humor, they’ll find a way to make sure a posse of different QBs share the snaps, just so we can experience what it sounds like when the heads of fantasy football players simultaneously explode.

On one sideline, there will be that little known tale of a boy and his ribs. We really do need to learn more about this Tim Tebow kid. What’s his storyline again? If he’s magically healed by Sunday, and if he takes over for the buttheaded Mark Sanchez to resurrect the Jets’ season, would it be enough for Fireman Ed to return, or would he hunker safely behind like he did some 11 years ago?

On the other sideline, the intrigue would be close to boiling over if anyone cared much about the Cardinals beyond state lines. If a Jet sneezes, headlines are made. If a Cardinal plays an entire game with a shredded MCL – which is what starting center Lyle Sendlein did Sunday in Arizona’s loss to St. Louis – a few people might pay notice.

As it is, the Cardinals’ quarterback drama unfolds daily to a rapt audience of several.

Here’s a primer: Arizona execs signed Kevin Kolb, the erstwhile first-string QB, to an absurd contract that pays him roughly $8 million per injury. The second-string QB, John Skelton, was quite the marvel for a while, a nobody out of football powerhouse Fordham who won the starting job in training camp but then lost it to injury and can now barely be glimpsed under his ballcap.

The third-string quarterback, a rookie named Ryan Lindley, looked in his first start like a coyote caught in rush hour on Papago Freeway, stone-scared at everything coming in a whirl toward him. Lindley began last Sunday with some promise, his throws crisp and precise. However, by the end of the 31-17 loss to the St. Louis Rams, he had thrown four interceptions, two of which were returned for touchdowns by another rookie, cornerback Janoris Jenkins.

The Cardinals have scored all of eight touchdowns in the team’s last seven games (which has also coincided with a seven-game losing streak). Whither Kurt Warner and his time machine?

Ken Whisenhunt, the head coach who is lucky this spectacle hasn’t played out in front of blood-thirsty media and fans who demand human sacrifices at dawn, has indicated he plans to start Lindley against the Jets. This news must have made Bart Scott crack a smile, but there were some rumblings on Tuesday that Kolb will spend the next few days convincing the coaching staff that his rib and shoulder injuries have sufficiently healed.

Even with a dusty wing Kolb would have an easier time of finding Larry Fitzgerald. Three times in Sunday’s first quarter Lindley did connect with the Cardinals’ stud receiver on throws that energized the home crowd, but the vision that lingers is of Lindley coming nowhere near Fitzgerald on a possible touchdown pass. If this is the franchise’s future for its star player, why bother to have his $120 million contract cluttering up the house?

The wisdom of trading Fitzgerald will be fodder for the cold months, when February brings frost. He does class up the joint, saying things like: “When I’m perfect I can start calling people out on their flaws and mistakes. But I’m not. And we have to do a better job offensively executing when we have our opportunities.”

Imagine if his arms and his vision and his attitude were matched with a world-class quarterback. For all his talents, Kolb doesn’t seem to be the answer simply because he spends far too much time wrapped in cotton wool. That his injuries have included concussion-related issues is enough to make anyone skittish when Kolb is under center.

“Until he’s healthy, I don’t know where we are (at quarterback),” said Whisenhunt, refusing to commit to starting Kolb even when he’s given the all-clear from the medical staff.

Skelton, meanwhile, appears to have had his brief, bright star extinguished. After beating out Kolb for the starting job, Skelton severely injured his ankle in a Week 1 victory over Seattle. He was yanked from the Nov. 18 loss to Atlanta, then glumly watched as the third-stringer Lindley morphed into road kill during Sunday’s second half.

Whisenhunt admitted to considering replacing the rookie with Skelton, but when things stink to high heaven, an old can of air freshener isn’t going to mask much. “If we thought it was something that was going to help us, we would have done that,” said the coach, after his team couldn’t even beat the Rams in their own stadium.

Far across the country, Rex Ryan is still trying to explain why Tebow dressed for the Jets’ Thanksgiving night blowout loss to the New England Patriots despite having two cracked ribs. Tebow never took a snap, not even after Sanchez banged his head against guard Brandon Moore’s arse. Tebow, only available for “an emergency” (in Ryan’s words), should have been deactivated rather than third string QB Greg McElroy.

It’s nonsense like this that forever stalks the Jets. Try as they might, the Cardinals just can’t compete with this level of tragicomedy.

Sometimes – way too many times, truth be told – we get far too blubbery obsessing over and idolizing quarterbacks. But the Cardinals’ death spiral after a 4-0 start does revolve largely around the sorry state of their three-headed QB. Whisenhunt, bless his optimistic heart, will dwell not on the wretched stench left from how Lindley concluded his first start, but on how he opened it – with more than 200 yards on offense, 17 points and a whole lot of potential.

And die-hard Cardinals fans will cling to fond memories of the team finishing last season with seven wins in its final nine games. They could learn from Jets fans who have been muttering since time began: Bench da bum and bring in the other guy!