My wife and I were talking the other day about this. I feel like Mormons might decide this election. Most of the things that really tend to move Mormons towards the GOP (family values, conservative social issues, etc.) are not things espoused by Trump.

How dare you, sir? How. Dare. You. After I patiently sat through your speech, my pants all full of one of my Top 3 All-Time Poops, you decided to kick me out. Because I was crying. Well, I’m sorry, but you are just a very loud and scary man with a great big pumpkin head. And this is coming from someone who lets a vampire teach him how to count.

Add on to that the sheer amount poop in my pants. Which I assure you was an admirable amount. And I poop a lot, sir. I poop so much you wouldn’t believe it. It is truly a remarkable feat that I take pride in and also makes me fussy. So yeah, I cried. I’m a baby. Sue me.

We engage in the election the same as in any other principle; you are to vote for good men, and if you do not do this it is a sin; to vote for wicked men, it would be sin. Choose the good and refuse the evil. Men of false principles have preyed upon us like wolves upon helpless lambs. Damn the rod of tyranny; curse it. Let every man use his liberties according to the constitution. Don’t fear man or devil; electioneer with all people, male and female, and exhort them to do the thing that is right. We want a President of the U.S., not a party President, but a President of the whole people; for a party President disfranchises the opposite party. Have a President who will maintain every man in his rights.