Heere beginneth the tale of the Clashours in the Courte of the Kinge Arthour.

Not far from the city limits of Camelot, not far from the mighty cathedrals, or the sleepy markets or the great castle of King Arthur upon the hill, amid the forests dusted with diamond Christmas snow, traversed a lone knight, considered the bravest of the court of the Round Table, or soon to be considered so. 'Tis the good Sir Gawain, my friends, whose tribulations of the year now culminate in his pilgrimage to the halls of the mighty Green Knight, He who Survived the Beheading, the host of the knightly tradition of the beheading game.

Amongst the sweet December snowfall, the breath of Boreas piercing the land to the root, Sir Gawain rode steady, for what sort of knight would that make him were he to waver from his duty?

All the while, amongst the knights of the Round Table, amid the bounties of the autumn harvest, the court of King Arthur stood in restless distress. Fear for their comrade and friend Gawain, for his journey was sure to lead to death; few survived the beheading game for a little while, and even fewer returned to tell the tale.

And yet, it was Arthur's duty as regent to ease the fears of his knights and his people. Gawain would return, Arthur was sure of it. For would not such a worthy knight overcome such a mighty trial?

Alack, yet another disturbance shimmers in the Christmas square of Camelot, as the time of holy worship has passed, and the people of Camelot now partook in the jollities and festivities of the Pagan traditions they permitted to flourish in the name of Christ...

X9

Lulu.

Sweet thing.

Last thing I remembered before coming out into this place was the job.

Aku.

They got Lulu.

I'd been sent to take care of Aku's little samurai problem.

These people, staring at me. They're not like the people back in Aku's world. You don't see hate. Or fear. I see these people and I remember what it was like to look into their eyes and see them not as targets, but as people.

My line of work was pretty wrong, but I had to do it. To survive.

Because I was afraid. Afraid to die, afraid to see my fellow X-models die.

Maybe that makes me a coward.

Never mind that. I just want to see Lulu again.

Sweet thing.

In the center of Camelot's town square stood a machine in a trench coat. The dusty snow was marked with tracks from his spats and loafers. Glowing red optics peered silently from under the brim of his hat. His metal hands dug into his coat's pockets. With him, he held a few things. A trumpet case. A briefcase with his handguns. Batteries.

This was X9.

This snow.

It's different from anything I've seen back home. It's not falling on those reminders of Aku's dark reign. Not falling on those scared rebels hiding from us.

You don't often see cheer out on the streets. When you do, it's normally in celebration of Aku.

“Prithee, artow a knight?”

A question, a simple one that snapped X9 out of his thoughts. A gentleman must have mistook X9’s metal skull for a knight’s helm. Or something.

“Sorry, no… just an old fellow passing through,” X9 replied, tipping the brim of his hat down.

“Thou speketh in such straunge tunge,” the gentleman remarked. He was a yeoman, a fellow who had taken part of his surplus into the castle grounds as per the Christmas festivities. “I hath not seen such sondre garb in all the londe. Sayst thou, from whence didst thou make thy pilgrimage?”

“I don’t think you wanna know where I came from, friend,” X9 replied. “It’s not a good place.”

“Then thou seken refuge in the courte of the Kinge Arthour?” the man inquired.

“This where I am?” X9 asked.

“Indeed! Thou art in the citee of Camelot. Engelond is ruled by Arthour, our noble King, he that hath puled the sworde Excalibur from the Stone.”

X9 nodded as he listened. So this was a totally different world from whence he came… a world untainted by the evil of Aku. It felt nice. No samurai problem to take care of. Perhaps he could forget this duty that made him so…

But that would mean ignoring the plight of Lulu.

Was there much he could do when he was worlds away from his best friend?

X9 saw an elevated stage, and looked down to his trumpet case. He knelt down, opened the instrument up, and put it together, before walking towards the stage and modestly standing next to it.

He played a series of sad, sad notes, pining for his lost friend, for the days where he did not have to be a contracted killer, an assassin, to bring sorrow to a land of grief. Pining for a simpler time, a simpler life.

Three orbs of snow stood on the street,complete with branches for arms,two coal eyes and a carrot nose, yesirre the children that surrounded it were indeed proud of thier work.

That was until it started screaming. All at once the snowman shuddered as the coal popped out revealing two yelllow eyes with blue pupils.

"MMMMGMMMPHEMMMPH!" The man of snow cried out as two long skinny arms with four fingered gloves shot out of the left and right, the limbs pinwheeled this way and that, as the children ran screaming as the snowman fell down, the snowman glared at that apparently that was quite an annoying noise to it.

Out of the heap of slush appeared a rather pale individual, though his face was not pale from the snow it was his natural color, three plumes of purple hair two on the right and left of his head and one pointing straight up, like a jester hat adorned his odd pale head.

The being was clad in a blue vest with red pants and arms, with bright blue pointed shoes and belts adorning his body.

His teeth chattered with the sound akin to a woodpecker gnawing a tree, he wrung his left arm of water like a towel as he walked along Camelot.

"Well aint this the japes, wonder what flustercuck I've gotten myself into now?" he muttered kicking a dead plauge rat in front of him.

"THIEF!" the hero saw from a bit a ways the thief in question running with purloined possessions in a large sack, the odd pale fellow whistled as he put his hands in his pockets casually, rocking back and forth on his heels as he whistled.

As the theif was a few feet from running past him the pale faced purple haired man, pulled what appeared to be a full wooden door on a frame and smashed it in front of the theif's path.

"WHAM!" The thief impacted the door and fell back.

The clown-like man opened the door, while the theif stumbled back up and tried to walk through the open door way,"Knock,Knock" the clown chided, slamming the door into the man once again causing him to fall painfully onto the ground.

The man once again tried to get up, the clown grinned and lightly pushed his side causing the door and frame to fall on the thief pinning him to the street.

"All in a days work for.....THE AWESOME SLAPSTICK!" a backdrop fell from literally nowhere as Slapstick struck a heroic pose on the backdrop which resembled a comic book cover.

The theif groaned as he struggled to move Slapstick walked away as the backdrop fell onto the fallen doorframe trapping the plunderer.

"Hey whats with the sad sax,sad sacks?" Slapstick asked leaning on the side of the stage as he watched X-9 play his somber melody.

"Sure thing,here you go" Slapstick said pulling out a giant beat from his pocket and placing it on the stage, the toon then produced two tropical Coconuts, and began to tap them rhythmically,in a somber yet sharp beat.

"Hello!" Spoke a jovial voice to a horse, The voice belonged to a figure quite mall a two legged blue creature, with a yellow yellow helmet, it would be noted that the figured seemed to be made out of modeling clay?

"Are yoo a Speak-air?"Clement asked not pausing before they continued "Most Speak-airs I've met are two bottom lim-bed, but there always a chance that that four lim-bed's can speak!" The clay being said excitedly, the horse gave a whinny and sniffed the small creature, it smelled like modeling clay.

The eye-archs in Clement's helmet grew wide, as his little feet started to hop, "I am Clement!, Claymoore says I am a Claymoore, but Ian say's I'm a Go-lamb, I like that word Go-Lamb,do you?!" The clay being excitedly asked the horse.

A hariy-chested Asian man of muscle stood horrendously out-of-place in the peaceful land of Camelot, and not just because he was half-naked when it was snowing outside. His chest hair did a temporarily sufficient job at keeping him warm.

The bodybuilder's hands twitched, aching to grab the M60 that hung on his back. Something wasn't right her-

Is that a robot playing music music with a clown? And was that a little... Alien talking to a horse? Was this... A medieval town?

Asian Rambo couldn't even think of a quote that would fit this moment. He could barely think of anything to do right then. All he could do was stand there and watch the performance, though not really paying attention.

To survive war, you have to become war.

But where was the war?

Where was he?

Was this... Robot responsible for this? Or maybe the clown? The ali- Actually, probably not the little alien... Could this all be some strange acid trip? Did someone spike his water?

No, that's impossible, he purified his water himself. He never took his eyes off of it. You couldn't trust many people in the militia after all. Those guys are crazy.

The music dulled the pain of loss. Lost in the syncopation and the melody, X9 could almost imagine he was back at home, cars passing outside his window, Lulu's happy face panting as she listened to X9's trumpet. He had to get Lulu back...

As the tune progressed, the crowd began to murmur.

"This is music I hath not herd before," said one.

"'Tis a murye tune that likeneth to my pleasaunce," remarked another.

"Playeth, Sir Eksenyne!" cheered a third, having heard the exchange between X9 and the other peasant.

"Neigh," said the horse talking to Clement. "Whinny."

"Prayst thou," said one woman to Asian Rambo. "Wiltow partake in the Christemas festivities? Artow not cold, standing there with no shirte?"

"Nice to meet you "WEEEHEEENNNNEIGHHHHH!"Clement said to the horse,"I'm Clement!"forgetting that they already introduced themself, Clement noticed Asian Rambo's comment and plodded over to him, they leaned their large head up at the man, careful not to teeter too far back, as to not fall over.

"I never met a cold befor!,Ian told me they were's an inside thing.....issat why you have tendrils on yer skin?, is the cold coming oot?"Clement asked not entirely aware how chest hair worked,or really any hair to that matter.

"Are you speak-air too? I thought WEEEENNIGHHHH!, was speak-air too, but it must be because it had different tonuge and chatternub, and Ian said that different tounges sound differant"Clement asked the somewhat confused man.

The woman nodded. "Perhaps the common yeman best suits himself with such sondre thoghtes; mayst thou be a knight? Worry not, are are welcome in the courte of the king Arthour. Though we wait with pacience for the return of goode Sire Gawain."

X9's music wound to a close.

"Wiltow partake in food and drink?" the woman asked Asian Rambo.

X9 lowered his trumpet and nodded to Slapstick. "Thanks for laying down the beat for an old stranger," X9 said, holding out a blue metal hand. "The name's X9. I was a hitman once, but that life wasn't for me."

It was almost like an entirely different language was being spoken! Thankfully, he managed to understand the part concerning food and drinks. He could use some sustenance.

All you have to do is say 'yes'. Simple as that.

"Yes."

Now thank her.

"Thank. You."

That wasn't so hard after all.

Despite this, he still seemed confused. Was this an organized thing where one could only eat certain foods? Or was it like the militia, where you ate whatever you could get your hands on? He was used to hunting for his food either literally, or just snagging a can of beans from an abandoned store.

Indeed, if the Militia's smells were all Asian Rambo had to go off here, then the festival of Camelot was practically a banquet of sensation. Colors, sounds... even jazz prior to the birth of the genre itself! (Courtesy of the mechanical man standing upon the stage, of course.)

X9

X9 stared bemused at Slapstick's reaction to touching his hand... were his hands really that frayed? X9 looked over his palm; he'd have to get that checked as soon as possible.

"The architecture seems more akin to that of the Middle Ages," X9 pointed out. He walked towards a food stand, and picked up some food. He brought back to Slapstick a leg of mutton. "You might want to fill up a bit," he suggested.

X9 overheard a few people talking.

"Sir Gawain, on pilgrimage?"

"'Tis his soure deeth, no doubt. I heard a veerdant knight is the one who shal slay him..."

"Steped up to the knight, when he was cleped to prove his bravenesse... thinkest thou he shalt return?"

"What knight of Arthour's would he be were he not to?"

X9 turned back towards Slapstick. "It sounds like this Arthur character is the head honcho around here," X9 said. "Maybe he'll have a word or two to say to us about our situation?"

Setsuna

Poor Setsuna couldn't keep out of those traps, could she?

"Oh. Oops. Another net."

Setsuna hung upside-down, caught by her ankle in a snare trap. She swung like a pendulum, her hair hanging comically from the top of her head as she swayed in the breeze. "And I don't think Lady Hinoka is going to come to save me today," Setsuna remarked. "Oh, well. Guess I can just think for a bit, then."

Setsuna spent a few minutes daydreaming; lost in thought, the teal-haired Hoshidan archer mused about how she would like a bit of food right then. Hanging there was taking up a lot of her energy, after all.

She watched a couple of rabbits scamper by, and thought about how easy it would be to nick them both with arrows just for some practice. Were her hands not tangled, she would have done it, too. Setsuna was flaky, yes, but her aim was unmatched, especially considering that she wore that teal bang over half her face and was operating without any depth perception.

Indeed, she could strike down a butterfly as it fluttered through the air yards away from her face. She just chose not to pay attention, letting her thoughts wander. She was practically undetectable, were it not for the one mannerism that stuck out like a sore thumb: almost deliberately stepping into snares and pits. She found it exciting.

A woman's voice jarred Setsuna out of her thoughts. "Gods, are you okay?!"

"I'm sure the gods are okay," Setsuna replied, lazily glancing somewhere else as she turned slowly around ensnared in the net.

She felt a sharp tug, and then she fell into a bush as the net collapsed around her. A red-haired woman with armor, a lance, and garters ran up to her and began to cut apart the net. "Hee hee... thanks..."

"What happened?" asked the woman. "Did you fall for this snare trap?"

"Is that what that was?" Setsuna asked, knowing quite well exactly what that was.

The red-haired woman nodded. Setsuna noticed the headdress the woman was wearing: it was adorned with a pair of tiny steel feathered wings. "Hey... by any chance do you fly a pegasus?" Setsuna asked.

"Yes. How did you figure it out?" the woman replied, busily cutting off the last of the net tangling up Setsuna. "My name is Cordelia, by the way." She sawed off the bit of net and tossed it aside.

"I'm Setsuna," Setsuna said. She said it as if that answered both Cordelia's question and greeting.

There was a bit of silence as Setsuna tried to get out of the bush. "You know, you remind me of someone I know." Setsuna kicked her legs as she strained to pull herself out of the shrubbery (though it didn't look to Cordelia as if she were trying).

"You were saying I reminded you of someone?" Cordelia asked, changing the subject.

"Oh, yeah. You fly a pegasus... whee..." Setsuna said. "Also, you have red hair. And you seem kind of... perfect."

Cordelia fanned her face. "Oh, well, perfection is just an ideal I strive towards," she said. "It's a path I'm willing to walk, especially if it brings me closer to... Sigh..." Cordelia seemed to falter a bit. She brushed a lock of red hair out of her face. "Sorry. Got distracted. What did you say your name was?"

"Setsuna."

"Right. Setsuna, there appears to be a castle town nearby. It'd probably be safer to ask if we could stay... I'm sure you and I both don't know where we've ended up. I've seen nowhere like this in Ylisse..."

"Isn't that, like, a mythical country?" Setsuna asked.

Cordelia blinked. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Let's just go."

Slapstick took a large bite out of the mutton, "Mmmmmm that is some good elderly sheep right there,can really taste the arthritis...."The cartoon commented mouth full.

"Alright so,Bluedabbadee is Clement,Asian Rambo is...Asian Rambo, and this is Spam-a-alot" A little purple comic box appeared by Slapstick's foot, with little black captioning, "Slapstick The Invisible hand, like three posts ago" to inform the other parties of himself.

"How do you made the box?"Clement asked.

"To exert exposition into it without distracting the reader" Slapstick explained as the box disappeared.

"What?"Clement asked followed by,"What do you mean?,Why are you so pale,did you lose your blood?,do you need blood?,I don't have any,Your hair is very sharp,like the leaves on trees,are you a tree?, you are thin like a tree,why do you have so many fasteners?is it to keep the blood in?,is that why your are so pale?" They asked in a frantic excited tone.Clement rattled off a few more questions as he plodded closer to the toon.

Slapstick rolled his eyes,"Why did your face orbs roll are they going to fall out too?"Clement asked.

"You know who would love to answer you, Good Ol' King Artie!"Slapstick said interrupting Clement in the middle of another question,"An what a coincidence!, Old Ironsides here was talking about giving the Old royalty some thirty questions of his own!"Slapstick pointed at Asian Rambo, "How bout you join us, I don't think there's any Jungle locations with explosions you can pose with near anyway!"

MeanwhileA sharp giggle was heard as the trees rustled by Cordelia's head, something hopped from one tree to the next following the woman, a pair of mean peeked out, followed by just a hint of a small shark like smile.

An acorn flew out of the tree's striking the red haired maiden directly in the forehead, a few seconds later two more hit her breastplate with a "Plink!,Plink!" followed by a very confused squirrel thrown directly at Setsuna.

Along the English Channel, just south of London, the galloping of a horse could be heard. A man appeared to be riding a horse, except there was no horse. However, that did not seem to bother the man. In fact, he seemed quite used to riding like this. Behind him walked a man banging coconuts together, creating the sound of a galloping horse. This was even more odd than the fact the man in front of him rode on no horse, as coconuts do not grow in the British Isles, nor do they grow in the nearby country of France. How the man obtained those coconuts may be a mystery that will never be solved.

The first man appeared to be riding the horse rode with purpose, towards the closest castle that he could see. He did not appear to notice that he was in a different Camelot than the one he had known, although, how could he? It's not as if the Camelot he hailed from is a volcanic wasteland. Although, this man also didn't appear to be dressed for the current climate either. He was simply wearing some chain armor covered by cloth and a crown, equipment that isn't exactly ideal for the current snowy weather, but this didn't seem to bother him. He acted as if nothing was odd about him as he reached the nearby English castle.

Upon reaching the castle, the man dismounted the nonexistent horse that he was riding. The man behind him stopped banging the coconuts together as soon as he did so.

"Hello!" The man shouted up the castle walls. "It is I, Arthur, king of the Britons. I am seeking knights to join me in my court at Camelot. I wish to speak with your lord to see if he will join me."

Collab. post brought to you from lofwn, TheRandomRingmaster, ToadRopes, and Leonir.

Arthur

"Artow now?" a knight shouted back to King Arthur of the Britons. "Methinks the liege Arthour be in the castle. Artow sure thou are not mistaken?"

"Where is the good man's steed?" another knight whispered to the first.

"You stand now in the courte of the Kinge Arthour, High Lorde of alle of Camelot," declared the first knight. "Unless I am mistaken and there are two Arthours, of which thou wilt be the secound."

"Wherefore do thy course takethow to fair Camelot?" the second knight asked.

"You must be mistaken indeed!" Arthur replied to the first knight, slightly unsheathing his sword for a few moments. "For this is Excalibur, the sword granted to me by the lady of the lake, making me king of the Britons."

The guards murmured to each other. It was slighly different, yes, but it gave off the same radiance as Arthur's own Excalibur...

"Why do I come to Camelot? Well, you see..." Arthur faltered. He wasn't supposed to be at Camelot. He was supposed to be out in his country, searching for men to bring back to Camelot. "I must have had the wrong directions for I was searching for noble and proud men to bring back to Camelot."

Arthur shuffled his feet on the ground a bit.

"Now that I'm here, would you mind allowing me in so that I may see this other Arthur that you mention?" Arthur inquired. "There must surely be some sort of mistake here. I am the rightful king of the Britons."

This was an odd circumstance indeed; how could there be not one, but two Arthurs? Arthur had been here this whole time, had he not?

"Perhaps we must indeed settle this, for we cannot have such a confusing circumstance with two Arthours in goode Camelot," the knight replied. "Come round to the front of the castle, wiltow?"

"Very well." Arthur replied. He turned to move towards the front of the castle, realized he was about to go the wrong way, turned the opposite direction and walked towards the front gate. Patsty followed behind him.

At which point, a confrontation was taking place...

X9

"Let's see if we can't get in the castle," X9 said, walking toward the guarded entrance of the castle.

The travelers were stopped at the gate. "Halt!" the guards declared.

"This be the courte of Kinge Arthour; artow authorized to entre?" asked one.

"We just got a few questions for the king," X9 said. "We wound up in this kingdom without any explanation. And my acquaintances and I think we can get some answers from the head honcho."

"'Heede... houncho?' Their tung isse quite straunge, though their Engelish is legible," said one guard.

"The kinges courte is in a state of muche sorrowe, despite the murrye time," explained the other. "Thou hast heard the tale of Gawain?"

"That's a name they were tossin' around on the courtyard, yeah," X9 replied.

"Tossinge around?"

"I've heard of Gawain," X9 corrected.

"Indeede; the Round Table is in quite delicate condicioun," the guards explained.

"We are kinda lost," X9 said, shrugging. “We’re travelers from distant, and very different lands. There aren’t any cars or robots in this land for one… for another, we don't speak that dialect of English you're speaking."

There was a sudden sound as if a great shambling sound as several guards cried out, almost as if something disturbed them.

"Ho,ho,ho heeee!" Exclaimed a cheery sounding light voice.

A small green....leprechaunlike(Or gnome-like according to some scholars) being ran from underneath one of the guard's legs.

The being was dressed entirely in a green tuxedo, with the only exception, being there small bowler hat which was a pale purple with a "4" etched into said hat.

"Ho,HO HEEE!" Clover exclaimed doing a jig around the party, "The King you'll not see, until you answer my riddles three!"

"...what?" X9 said flatly.

"Thou dost not speke for the goode lorde," one of the guards said, as the guards lowered their lances at Clover. "Maketh known thy purpose, or we shalle kickethou in the ers offe the castle grounds."

"No,no,no kicking solve the riddles bewitching!" Clover tipped his hat and winked at the group.

"By Goddes grace, namoore of this!" protested the guard, fed up with this strange English and this wacky rhyming imp. "Methinks thou proteste too muche in thy straunge tung. We alone shall see if these men are ready to meete the Kinge."

Clover seemed to ignore the man, as he cicled the group once more.

"What time belongs to men twice a day?!"Clover asked,nay demanded.

X9 turned to Asian Rambo. "Whaddaya think'll happen if we just slip past the guy?" the robot mobster asked.

Asian Rambo blinked, then looked down at Clover. His mighty chest expanded as he took a deep breath and thought for a moment. "... He'll pout," Asian Rambo answered X9. It was also possible the tiny thing would attack them, but... Look at him.

"Oh ho ho,he,he,he, you are the wrong is he!"Clover jeered scuttling up Rambo and bopping him on the head before scuttling down.

X9 pulled up his sleeve to reveal a fancy wristwatch. He looked at it for a moment.

"5:14," X9 said, humoring the little green guy.

"This is madness!" cried the guards.

"Enough," said one, attempting to grab Clover by the collar. "Thou art a nuisance."

At that very moment a bird fell out of the sky smashing into the guard the moment he tried to grab Clover.

"Oh ho huuu, riddle number two!"Clover said dancing around the disoriented guard, who rubbed his head, still rattled from the direct blow to his noggin.

Clover climbed up onto Clement's head and adressed Slapstick, his little limbs flailing.

"What time is it when you can’t read a clock?!" Clover shouted.

"Is it illegal to murder muppets here?"Slapstick whispered to X-9 before answering.

"Time for glasses"Slapstick stated knowing the set up from a joke a mile a way.

Clover demanded to know the answer, his tiny fists clutched in anticipation, shaking with glee.

"What is an Amperor?,Moun-taane?"Clement asked.

Clover stopped completly still,"No,no see the questions are for me!"He exclaimed.

"... Time," came the voice of Asian Rambo. He had noticed the overall theme of the little guy's riddles. He glared at Clover intensely. It was hard to tell if the man was angry, in deep thought, or whatever else. It could be the way he normally was, as a matter of fact

Clover swiveled his round head towards the man who towered above him(But to be fair most of present company did).

X9 pulled out his handguns. "Unless you wanna die," he growled, pointing them at Clover, "beat it, small fry. We won your game fair and square; now get the hell outta our hair."

'Ho ho he you won't get rid of m- " Clover was swatted again and again Slapstick following him until he hissed like a rat and jumped in the moat.

That fight comment boiled Asian Rambo's insides. He turned to Clement and stated, "One man's fight is every man's war." He felt proud of himself for coming up with a quote himself. And it seemed just like something the real Rambo would've said.

"K, but what is war?"Clement asked in reponse.

"Alright so you gonna let us advance the plot or what?"Slapstick asked the guards.

"Thou have shown thy wit and the... ah, extent of your patience," said one of the guards. "However, we would yet like to see the might of your party in action."

"In the spirit of Cristes morne, we shalle host a joust! Let us see if these knights art worthy of the good lorde Arthour's counsel!" the other declared. "Not just anyone can see the grete kinge on a whimme, you know."

"Sure,sure thing" Slapstick said before sliding up to X-9 and whispering"Wanna just bean them over the head and run in?"

"Nah; then they definitely won't let us see the king. We gotta make a good impression, you know?" X9 replied. He turned around. "The question remains: any of you know how to ride a horse?"

"Is Taco Bell good for you?" Slapstick answered.

"What?"

"I do," Asian Rambo stated. He's never actually ridden a horse before, but he saw Rambo do it in Rambo III. If Rambo could do it, he would do it. Besides, a horse couldn't be too much different from a car or a motorcycle could it?

X9 nodded. "He'll be our champ then," he said.

"Excellent; we looke forward to your challenge within the hour! I prithee, bringe to the festival thy pleasaunce!"

Asian Rambo turned to X9, ".. What did he say?" He had some trouble deciphering some of the dialect here. All he really knew was that he would be riding a horse.

Asian Rambo nodded, before asking yet another question, "What is 'joust'?" So far he knew it involved riding horses.

"Its when you make jokes and peole laugh!"Clement said.

"That would be a jest"Slapstick corrected.

"All you gotta do is hold a lance," X9 said, "and knock the other knight off of his horse. It's a pretty old medieval sport."

Hold the lance. Stay on horse. Knock enemy off horse. "Got it," Asian Rambo nodded. He took a moment to turn his head and look around at the many people present. Any one of them could be the opponent. The enemy. Likely one of the armored men would face Asian Rambo. They were likely skilled fighters such as he, more familiar with this sport. Though few looked like they could much his brute strength, meaning there is a possibility they may play dirty, sneak in another weapon or poison the end of their lance. He'd need to be on his guard lest they try to sabotage him before the joust.

It's a good thing he had kept an eye on the food, which he promptly walked towards. It was not often there was such a bountiful feast, if ever, for him to partake in. He grabbed an entire loaf of bread and took a large bite out of it, chewing for but a few seconds before swallowing and washing down with... Wine? Ah well, at least he was a heavyweight. He also tossed a few cakes into his gullet as well for good measure.

Slapstick however was not a heavyweight and after downing two bottles of wine, gave a "Hiccup!" took a few steps and began flirting with a target dummy.

Clement, not needing to eat, entertained various people, morphing his face to ressemble theirs, or creating small dragons or animals out of his form, and asking the occasional question to puppets at puppet shows.

But meriment being had, the group were unaware of being watched by mechanical eyes....or well eye more specifically.

The castle grounds were bustling with activity. A joust? In the midst of Sir Gawain's pilgrimage? What of the good knight himself? It was an exciting yet tense time.

As for the knight who challenged Asian Rambo, there was some bickering as to who would undertake this task, for the Round Table had the gentleman, this second King Arthur, to deal with. For Arthur had to oversee the joust; it was left to the knights to decide.

It ended up being that Sir Lancelot would joust with Asian Rambo, and that Sir Percival would meet the good, albeit second, King Arthur.

The mighty Sir Lancelot stood at the opposite end of the arena, upon his horse. "So thou hailst from an unknown londe, ysee!" Lancelot declared. "To gain audience with my liege Arthur, thou must beat me in the mighty sport of jousting! Then we shall talk about your meeting."

"WOO!,LETS GO"Slapstick chanted,sitting in a folding chair a ye olde beer drinking cap on his head, with two frothy cups of mead on either side, on his left hand he wore a giant foam finger, which he kept annoyingly tapping X-9 with on the back of the head. X-9 patiently watched, his hands folded in his lap. Having no nerve endings and yet a desire to survive was an interesting experience.

Clement hopped in place a miniature yellow replica of Asian Rambo, trotting in place on their head,while they themselves did their best impressions of horse whinnying.

The crowd excitedly murmured amongst themselves, bets were exchanged between sleeves,children were hoisted on their parent's shoulders to get a better look

Asian Rambo looked to his horse in admiration. Horses were creatures of pure muscle and speed. They could shatter a man's ribs with a single buck and yet were relatively peaceful. They were not hunters and killers, yet had the capacity to do so. An animal of both strength and peace.

He wondered why victory in this sport would determine him being able to meet the king. Anyone with any sort of intent could participate in this game and possibly win and then get inside the castle to assassinate the king. Of course, Asian Rambo wouldn't voice these concerns beforehand, lest they deny his group entry altogether out of suspicion. After all, not everyone pondered about how someone could assassinate the king. In response to Sir Lancelot, Asian Rambo simply said, "Okay."

King Arthur himself stood in the box, watching intently as Lancelot and Asian Rambo took opposite sides of the arena. Sitting alongside him was the good queen Guinevere. Sir Lancelot held out his lance and grinned at Asian Rambo through his visor.

"... You too," Asian Rambo said loudly. He looked at the long lance in his hand. He wondered if he should go for a puncture or a swing with his weapon. A swing would leave him open to a stab by Lancelot. He also had to remain cautious of foul play. As genuine as Sir Lancelot seemed, it could easily be a facade.

Lancelot spurred his horse, and with a neigh, the steed started galloping towards Asian Rambo's horse. The blunt tip of Lancelot's lance pointed towards Asian Rambo's bare, exposed chest. Lancelot could not imagine why the good warrior would not wear any protection at all... besides those strange trousers and that odd metal sash.

Asian Rambo drove his horse forwards, his lance targeting Sir Lancelot's abdomen. The mighty incarnation of Rambo glared at Lancelot intently as nearly every one of his muscles flexed, his legs firmly locked onto his steed. This did not harm the horse however, Asian Rambo knew not to crush the poor animal's bones.

The only muscle not yet activated, were his pecs.

Upon Lancelot's lance impacting with Asian Rambo's chest, said pecs flexed and caught the tip in an iron grip as Asian Rambo thrust his own lance forwards with a manly yell.

At that very moment unnoticed by the crowd a silent "Thwing" was heard as a three pronged dart sunk into Asian Rambo's meaty thigh.

Lancelot gasped as the lance crumpled in between Asian Rambo's pecs; the might of Asian Rambo's strike tossed Lancelot straight off the horse. Lancelot's horse galloped off while Lancelot lay on his back, staring up at the sky.

"Such... power..." the knight wheezed. "Such... mighte..."

Arthur stood up and held out his hands. "The sport has reached its conclusion," Arthur declared. "Sire Asianrambo of the Vagabonds has bested the good Knight, Sire Lancelot, in oure game."

Cheers erupted from the stands, and Lancelot grunted as he stood up, smiling at Asian Rambo. "A worthy victory for one of your strength," Lancelot declared, removing his gauntlet. "As is customary, thou hath wonne my horse." He reached out to shake Asian Rambo's hand.

Lancelot stopped and stared down at Asian Rambo's bare leg. "By Godde's grace, what in the world is that?" Lancelot asked, pointing to the toxic dart.

There was a slight almost unnoticeable sound as , the Mouse droid retreated weaving through the legs of the distracted crowd.

Asian Rambo glared down at his leg. He could feel the toxins beginning to take effect. Trying to take control of his body and force him into what felt like a seizure coming on. He had ingested such poisons before to build up his resistance, but this... It was so potent. He tried to resist, but all he could say through his teeth was, "Poisondar-" before collapsing onto the ground, succumbing to the toxin. His body seemed to vibrate more than flail as one would expect from a seizure, as he continued to fight with an angry expression on his face as he let out guttural growls of manly effort.

Arthur stood up and squinted at Asian Rambo. "Artow well, good sir?" he called.

Lancelot growled under his breath. "It appears to be a form of poison," the knight replied.

X9, on the other hand, turned his head, having keenly detected the sound of machines whirring; machines that should not have been in this time period. "Slapstick," X9 said, standing up. "I'm gonna go use the can."

"How?-you know what nevermind go ahead"Slapstick said waving.

X9 pulled out one of his revolvers. "It's a metaphor," he replied, an electrical whine lowly humming from the weapon as the robotic assassin stepped through the crowd, listening for the mouse droid.

"Aw Kriffinf Hell" N-00T computed as he noticed X-9, stalking through the crowd, "Box increase your over all acceleration we got a spotter...."

In response the sleek black wheeled driod rolled faster, though this caused the whine to be a bit more audible

X9's sensors detected the noise, and the assassin cut through one of the stands, dimming his optics as he snuck around the posts. He looked through the slats of the stands for any movement that did not appear to be the shuffling of nervous crowd feet.

He found it as B-0X zipped over the ground towards a dimly lit alleyway, a lone figure in a dark cloak that hung loosely off their lanky frame was seen, the creature turned it's head just slightly and with that one glance X-9 observed a camera like-black optic, protruding out as if searching.

X9 stepped behind a post, sensing the movement of the optic's lens. When the lens paused, X9 counted to three and stepped out from behind the post, traveling in the shadow of the stands and running behind another. X9 produced an iron pipe and tossed it onto the ground. It landed with a clunk.

N-00T's head rotated sharply to the pipe, only to realize too late it was a diversion. [b]BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG![/i]

X9 fired over and over again at N-00t, making sure to aim not for the droid's vitals. X9 needed information, but he needed this robot deactivated if he were to figure out what was going on-- and why Asian Rambo had been targeted. X9 stalked up to N-00t, and with the efficiency of a mobster, he punched the droid to the ground and pointed his revolver out. "I know you've got friends stalkin' around here," X9 said. "And if you know what's good for you... and for them... you're gonna talk."

The hood was exposed revealing a dome-like headpiece, "I don't have to spout any info, you washed up,has-been model" The pit driod responded his high vocabluator spitting out the words, his arm arm claw shifted ever so slightly.

B-0X whirred behind X9 bumping into the robot's heel.

X9, without watching fired a round into B-0X.

The mouse droid smoked, and subsequently stopped moving.

Servos clicked as N-00T tried to regain motion in his body, his optic gazed at X9, "Can a droid not make an honest stack of credits for a dishonest job these days?"he chirped, slowly raising his right grasper up.

X9 narrowed his eyes. "I'd say I know quite a bit about how assassins work," he said, walking around N-00t carefully, steadily backing away from the droid. "There are three ways in which this situation can go. You can try to kill me, but the way that'll end is me dodging out of the way and escaping. You can allow me to kill you, and spare yourself the shame of returning to your masters with your tail between your legs. Or, you can spill the beans about who you're working for, and what kinda dregs are putting prices over our heads so I can kill 'em personally." X9 crouched like a Western gunslinger, squinting at N-00T. "Your choice."

"I'm just a modest Pit Droid....I take jobs when I can...but hey,might as well tell you as much as I know" the Pit Droid pulled out a little mechanical device,"I was contacted seven cycles ago,no name,no face, a deader identity than Alderann, but whoever want you and your buddies junked...you're gonna have to find out yourself" The Pit Droid tossed the device to X9.

X9 stepped out of the way and prepared to fire back.

"You know..you never counted option 4" N-00T spoke.

"Three is the magic number, after all," X9 shot back.

Right as the robot shot a violent thrumming was heard, X9 turned to see a large sqarish figure toting what appeared to be a lazer machine gun

X9's lenses dilated, and the mechanical assassin jumped straight up, smashing through the wooden stands and sending a few people scattering.

"Sir Eksenyne! What is going on?" shouted one of the audience members.

X9 landed in the stands and fired through the hole he had just busted through. "Looks like Slapstick, Asian Rambo, and I have got some assassins on our tail."

There was a horrid screaming sound as round after round of heavy artillery smashed X-9's cover to bits, boring holes in the ground with the smell of scorched ozone.

"Kriffing piece of scrap, knocked out my joint"N-00t muttered as He leaned on the firing GNK droid

Sir Percival, clad in his armor, his helm tucked under his arm, trotted down the stairwell to meet this other King Arthur. He opened a door, and traveled through a series of corridors, before emerging just outside the castle walls, off to the side of the arena grounds.

"My liege... er, that is, my other liege?" Percival called, asking for the other Arthur.

"It is indeed I, Arthur, good sir knight." The other King Arthur replied, approaching the knight.

"Yes, I take it thou art the one who also claimes to be the Kinge Arthour?" Percival said. "Thou carry yourself in such a manner as my own liege... were my training to permit, I would have believed thou were he." Percival scratched his head. "Though to be quite honest, this is all quite confusing. Perhaps you may start by telling me about thy travels here... and whether or not this is the Camelot thou hath come from?"

"I was travelling the land, looking for great warriors to join me at my court here in Camelot. I did not intend to return to Camelot, and I am just confused as you are about my presence here." Arthur said. "This does not appear to be the same Camelot I remember, for I don't recall having a knight such as you at my court."

"Indeed," Percival agreed, before getting an idea. "Hmm... perhaps there is one very easy way to see if thou art truly the king... or, at least, the king in another forme. Artow in possession of the blade Excalibur?" the knight asked.

"Of course." Arthur replied, unsheathing Excalibur slightly for several seconds before returning the blade to the sheath.

Percival nodded. "So it is true... another Arthour," the knight said. "And yet, my own liege... he already has his band of knights. He too, wields the divine blade. I shall take thee to him, after the joust of the wandering strangers hath concluded."

Suddenly, an explosion rocked the castle. Percival flinched. "What in Goddes name was that?!" the knight yelped.

"What--ow! Hey! What was that?" Cordelia said, as Setsuna fired an arrow into the trees, piercing the squirrel's heart and pinning it to a tree. Setsuna lazily made potshots into the canopy, but somehow, one hit its mark... whatever was assailing Cordelia. In the knee. Or its equivalent.

"Setsuna, you just killed a squirrel," Cordelia scolded.

"Yeah... did you like my aim? Hee hee..." Setsuna replied.

Cordelia rubbed her temple. "Never mind."

There were what sounded like angry gurgles,remincient of a child throwing a tantrum.

But those were drowned out by a subsequent explosion coming from the Camelot castle.

"Now what was that?" Cordelia asked.

"Sounded like that castle's under attack," Setsuna replied, staring at a butterfly. "You wanna go help it? I've got nothing better to do..."

Cordelia was amazed at this statement. It was the most coherent, sensible thing that Setsuna had said that day.

"I think that would be a good idea," Cordelia replied. "But what could possibly be causing so much destruction? We have to be careful."

"Yeah..." Setsuna replied, watching the butterfly flit into the trees. When the insect was gone, Setsuna started following Cordelia through the foliage.

X9, Slapstick, Asian Rambo

"HEY BREAD-BOX DOES THIS FIT!" Slapstick yelled, throwing a fullsuit of armor at the GNK droid.

Slapstick's voice was drowned out with a deafening roar.

Smaug was not having a good time. He had no idea where he was, and even worse, he had no idea where is hoard of gold was.

Luckily for him, a convenient castle happened to be in his nearby surroundings. He figured that he could make the best of a poor situation by getting some new treasure and eating peasant women. Smaug dove towards the battlements of Arthur's castle, breathing fire while snatching up a peasant to snack on.

"AYE MUSHI!" Slapstick said running into GNK droid's fire jumping onto the top of it and wrenching the gattling gun upwards.

"EAT THIS!" He yelled knocking the droid over and firing it at the Dragon.

The laser hit Smaug's scales. Smaug didn't even notice he was being attacked.

X9 turned and saw Smaug coming.

"Oh, no," he muttered.

The dragon's fire washed over the arena, setting the canvas tents ablaze. Luckily, King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table (save for Percival, who was with the other Arthur) had evacuated the yeomen.

"What in God's name is that?" The other King Arthur shouted, approaching with Sir Percival.

"Looks to be a dragon of legend," Percival replied, drawing his sword. "I never thought I would see such a monster in my life... I thought they were merely creatures of legend."

X9 gazed up at Smaug, his optics whirring as he assessed the dragon. Meanwhile, archers stood from the castle's ramparts, firing arrows at the dragon. The arrows, however, either bounced off of Smaug or snapped as the dragon wormed across the sky.

"It's no good, the thing's hide is too tough," X9 muttered. "And we've got the robots on the ground to deal with."

"GET OFF YOU PALE KNERFHERDER!" N-00T yelled grabbing Slapstick's gangley legs and with surprising strength tossed him back over to X-9. X9 staggered back and caught Slapstick as if the superhero were a screaming woman from a superhero movie.

"My hero!" Slapstick said batting his eyes

"Aseen Ram-boat"Clement said nuding the poisoned man with their foot, "Wake up there is big red thing in upwards." Asian Rambo continued to vibrate, resisting the toxin as best he could save for the drool. However, not even he could endure forever.

Meanwhile, Smaug joyfully munched on the peasant he picked up as he surveyed Camelot. He decided that the largest building most likely was owned by a rich man, therefore it would contain the most riches. He dove towards the building and ripped the roof off before breathing fire into the room. The tapestries hanging on the walls caught ablaze, and the rubble ripped through the floor of the castle, startling and frightening the people below.

"I'll try to get a better look at this thing next time it dives," X9 replied, setting Slapstick down and dashing after Smaug.

A laser whizzed by and cut a perfect hole in Slapstick's wavy middle hair whorl.

"MY DOO!" Slapstick yelled, "MY LOVEABLE SCRUFFY PLUME!"

Slapstick's pupils shrunk into non-existance, before exploding into what could only be described as "Electric sheep on fire"

*Angry clown noises* in font in a speech bubble appeared over Slapstick's head, he ran forward ,his teeth grinding like a car crusher.

"Oh sparks" N-00T commented.

Slapstick pocket spaced his trademark mallet.

He lowered the mallet as he run and as he ran towards the destroyed Mouse droid and TWACKED! it like a golf ball directly into the Gnkdroid who was knocked back and fell over.

For N-00T Slaapstick whipped out a USB drive and smashed it into the droid's eye, breaking the glass and blinding it.

X9 stopped and watched Smaug attack the castle of Camelot. His lenses whirred as he focused on the dragon's underbelly.

"It's got a chink in its armor," X9 concluded, noting a slight discoloration on the firedrake's hide. "If we can get something in there, we can take it out."

Just then, Smaug finished eating the peasant in his claw. He ripped up the next floor in building before turning around to pick up another snack. He absent mindedly grabbed X9 before turning back to the building to rip up another floor. The treasure had to be there somewhere.

X9 had to act quickly. His servos whirred as he struggled to wriggle his revolver into his grasp. He stuck the barrel of the gun out between Smaug's talons, and fired a round at Smaug's eye.

The round happened to fly through Smaug's fire breath to melt into a liquid. The liquid landed just on Smaug's nose. While the heat didn't bother him too much, inhaling molten metal wasn't too much fun either. Smaug roared and dropped X9. As soon as Smaug recovered, he continued to rip up the building with renewed vigor. The robotic assassin fell to the throne room with a clang, and watched as the dragon tunneled into the bowels of the castle.

"Gotta get up there..." Slapstick spied a good ol fashoined Trehbuchet, he ran over bidding two knights to help wind it up.

"ALRIGHT WHEN I SAY NOW LET GO!"

But throughout all the din and destruction, he was unheard, Clement however wanting to help Stumbled over to the knights and yelled "NAOW!" they yelled.

Slapstick was launched through the air,looking like a terrible smear frame, sailing over Smaug, smacking into the tip of the Dragon's wing.

Slapstick chomped down onto the wind, litterally hanging on by the skin of his teeth,or rather his teeth themselves.

Meanwhile, the Knights of the Round Table and King Arthur had finished removing the peasants from the castle grounds, and were preparing to storm the castle to fight the dragon.

X9, on the other hand, jumped down to the next floor, before heading out the window. The robot jumped towards one of the castle's towers, grabbing onto the windowsill. There was an earsplitting crunch, and X9 flinched.

Then he fell.

Aw, crap, the robot thought.

X9 landed in a pile of hay. Spitting out a gob of hay, he stood back up and grimly tipped the brim of his fedora over his visor. "I don't think we can save this castle. Not like this," he muttered.

Meanwhile Slapstick tears streaming across his face from the wind made his way from the wing to the beast's back.

Slapstick took out a grappeling hook and tossed itforward, it caught on Smaug's left nostril, and Slapstick beagn to scale forward like a mountain climber.

Smaug glanced down at his nose to see a bit of metal piercing one of his nostrils. He figured that it was debris from the castle he was tearing to the ground. Smaug did a few flips in the air in attempt to shake the hook out.

King Arthur looked at the sorry state of the castle, and towards Asian Rambo, who was still holding on with all his might. The peasants were devoid of their homes, and the castle was in shambles, with a dragon infestation.

"We were caught off-guard," Arthur muttered. "The dragon hath taken fair Camelot... but we shan't give her up so easily. Why, I bet were brave Gawain here..."

"My liege," Sir Percival gasped, panting. "I have brought the second King Arthour here. You must speak with him..."

"Hello!" The second King Arthur stated a bit nonchalantly considering the present situation. "It is a pleasure to finally meet you."

"Greetings, and likewise," King Arthur replied. "Though I wish that it could have been in better conditions than this."

"Indeed. Perhaps we should set off and look for better conditions?" Arthur asked.

"Perhaps..." King Arthur agreed. "To retake Camelot, my knights and soldiers must be prepared. We should find a suitable place to hide away, however... were Morgan le Fay to witness our sorry state, 'twould truly be the end of Engelond."

King Arthur turned towards Asian Rambo and X9. "But first," Arthur added, "the royal house of Camelot apologizes for this terrible, terrible misfortune... a beast spawned from Sathanas himself appeareth on the day thou make thy passage through my lands. I wish there were something I could do to aid thy recovery..."

X9 mused for a bit. "You know where we can get this guy healed up?" the robot asked, pointing to Asian Rambo.

King Arthur pursed his lips. "Thou wilt want to see Nyneve, the Lady of the Lake..." Arthur replied. "She will know how to help thy freend. Meanwhile... the house of Camelot shall make a pilgrimage to the Vatican."

"Sir, what of this Gawain guy you mentioned earlier?" X-9 asked.

Arthur grimly shrugged. "His game with the Green Knight hath not finished yet. Thus, I cannot say for sure what will transpire."

"This... Green Knight," X-9 said. "Is he a strong warrior?"

"Aye, perhaps the mightiest in all of Engelond... a direct defyer of Deeth itself," Arthur replied with a nod.

Slapstick smashed into the earth still connected to the rope, before being dragged through rubble.

"HEYGUYSWHATUPOHIAM" He yelled before getting yanked into the sky.

X-9 flinched as Slapstick rebounded back into the sky.

X-9 turned towards Arthur. "If this Green Knight guy is as strong as you say he is, maybe it'd be worth a shot to have a word with him," X-9 said. "Meanwhile, I don't think you should go way out in the open... I heard you mention someone who was on your tail. Don't want her to catch all of you off guard, huh?"

Arthur pensively itched his beard.

"Hmm. The Knights of the Round Table indeed do not wish to leave good Gawain behind," Arthur said. "Thus, we shall make preparations to retake Camelot, then travel to the Green Knight's abode and return Gawain to our ranks... game, or no game."

X-9 shrugged. "I can probably fetch him for ya," the robot replied. "We gotta get this big hunk of man here that poison expelled anyway. Probably won't be too out of the way to grab your other knight."

Arthur nodded. "When you have retrieved Gawain, return to Nyneve at the lake. Sir Percival will be waiting there for you. In the meantime, we shall find a suitable place to regroup. Artow ready to depart, good Arthour?" the King replied to himself-from-another-dimension.

"I am." The nonnative Arthur replied simply.

"Then it is settled," King Arthur said. "May Goddes blessings be with thou on thy travels."