When it comes to understanding how someone truly feels, it may be best to close your eyes and just listen, a new study shows.

Empathy allows people to identify the emotions, thoughts and feelings of others. To do this, people tend to not only focus on the exchange of words, but also a person’s facial expressions and other nonverbal cues.

But a new study from the American Psychological Association suggests that you could be trying to do too much. In fact, relying on a combination of vocal and facial cues may not be the most effective method for understanding the emotions or intentions of others, the study said. [5 Ways Your Emotions Influence Your World (and Vice Versa)]

“Social and biological sciences over the years have demonstrated the profound desire of individuals to connect with others and the array of skills people possess to discern emotions or intentions,” study author Michael Kraus, an assistant professor of organizational behavior at Yale University, said in a statement. “But, in the presence of both will and skill, people often inaccurately perceive others’ emotions.”

The new research found that people who focus solely on listening to another person’s voice — including what the person says and vocal cues such as pitch, cadence, speed and volume — were able to better empathize with that individual.

In the study, the researchers examined how more than 1,800 individuals communicated with others. Some participants were askedto listen but not look at each other, while others were asked to look but not listen. And in some cases, the participants were allowed to both look and listen while communicating with one another.

In addition, some of the participants listened to a recorded interaction between two strangers that was read to them by a computerized voice lacking the usual emotional inflections of human communication.

On average, the study found participants were able to interpret the emotions of their partner more accurately when they just listened to the other person and didn’t focus on facial expressions. Furthermore, listening to the computerized voice proved to be the least effective for accurately recognizing emotion.

In the study, the researchers examined how more than 1,800 individuals communicated with others. Some participants were askedto listen but not look at each other, while others were asked to look but not listen. And in some cases, the participants were allowed to both look and listen while communicating with one another.

Although facial expressions can tell a lot about how someone is feeling, Kraus said that people are good at using facial expressions to mask their emotions. Also, watching and listening may reduce empathetic accuracy because more information isn’t always better, and trying to do both at the same time can actually make it harder to understand the meaning behind a person’s vocal inflection and facial expression.

“Listening matters,” Kraus said. “Actually considering what people are saying and the ways in which they say it can, I believe, lead to improved understanding of others at work or in your personal relationships.”

Mike Yaconelli’s, THE LITTLE BOY WHO WANTED TO FIGHT FIRES has always been one of my favorites, especially this time of the year. Mike died a few New Year’s Eve’s back

Allow me to share it as I remember it:

ONCE THERE WAS A LITTLE BOY WHO, EVER SINCE HE COULD REMEMBER, WANTED TO BE A FIREMAN. THE SHRILL OF THE SIREN AND THE DEEP RUMBLE OF THE RACING FIRE-TRUCK HAD FILLED HIS DREAMS ALMOST EVERY NIGHT. DEEP IN HIS HEART THERE WAS A LONGING TO SOMEDAY BE ABLE TO HELP PEOPLE; TO SAVE PEOPLE FROM THE RAVAGING GRASP OF A FIRE. IT WAS NOT JUST A CHILDHOOD FANTASY. HIS WAS THE UNMISTAKABLE CALL OF DESTINY.

GROWING UP NEVER CHANGED HIS MIND. TO BE SURE, HE HAD GONE THROUGH ALL THE INDECISION AND DOUBTS OF ADOLESCENCE, THE WELL-MEANING QUESTIONS OF FRIENDS AND FAMILY WHO ‘WONDERED WHETHER HE COULD BE HAPPY AS A FIREMAN.’ HE WAS TO PUT OUT FIRES.

OH, HOW HE LONGED FOR THE DAY WHEN HE WOULD NO LONGER BE A SPECTATOR, BUT COULD PARTICIPATE ACTIVELY AS A FIRE-FIGHTER. NOW, ALL HE COULD DO WAS WATCH.

THEN THE BIG DAY ARRIVED. HE WAS ACCEPTED AT ONE OF THE BEST FIREMAN SCHOOLS IN THE COUNTRY. FOR THREE YEARS HE IMMERSED HIMSELF IN HIS SCHOOLING. HE SPENT HOURS HONING HIS SKILLS ON PRACTICE FIRES. HE STUDIED FIRE-FIGHTING THEORY LONG INTO THE NIGHTS. HIS TEACHERS WERE WORLD-RENOWNED.

BUT STILL AFTER ALL THESE YEARS HE HAD NEVER FOUGHT A REAL FIRE. AS GRADUATION APPROACHED, HE REALIZED THAT LONG-AWAITED MOMENT WAS WITHIN HIS REACH.

BUT SUDDENLY HE BEGAIN TO HAVE DOUBTS. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HIS LIFE HE WAS UNSURE, AFRAID, AND WORSE YET, QUESTIONING WHETHER HE OUGHT TO BE A FIREMAN AT ALL.

IT WAS THEN THAT ONE OF HIS PROFESSORS SUGGESTED HE TRAVEL TO EUROPE AND STUDY UNDER ONE OF THE GREATEST FIREMAN THEORISTS OF ALL TIME. HE WOULD BE RECOMMENDED BY HIS PROFESSORS AND WOULD RECEIVE THE FINEST TRAINING AVAILABLE. IT WOULD LAST FOR TWO YEARS.

THE NOT-SO-LITTLE BOY DECIDED TO GO TO EUROPE, AND FOR TWO YEARS HE EXHAUSTED HIMSELF IN DEDICATED STUDY AND BECAME ON OF THE MOST BRILLIANTLY EDUCATED FIREMEN IN THE WORLD. BUT ALL HE HAD EVER DONE WAS PUT OUT PRACTICE FIRES. ONCE AGAIN, GRADUATION LOOMED BEFORE HIM. AND, ONCE AGAIN, HE WAS HAUNTED BY INDECISION. HE KNEW ALL ABOUT FIRES AND COULD TELL ANYONE HOW TO FIGHT ONE; IN FACT, HE KNEW SO MUCH HE BEGAIN TO FEEL THAT HIS SUPERIOR KNOWLEDGE DID, IN FACT, PLACE HIM A NOTCH ABOVE ‘ORDINARY’ FIREMEN. HE BECAME INCREASINGLY CONCERNED THAT HE MIGHT HAVE TO FIGHT FIRES WITH ‘UNEDUCATED’ FIREMEN, WHICH COULD RESULT IN HIM BEING EXPOSED TO UNNECESSARY DANGER.

IT WAS THEN THAT HE WAS OFERED A POSITION TO TACH AT ONE OF THE MOST RESPECTED FIREMEN SCHOOLS IN THE COUNTRY.

HE ACCEPTED. AND FOR TWENTY-FIVE YEARS HE TAUGHT WITH HONORS AND RECEIVED RECOGNITION WORLDWIDE. HE DIED LAST YEAR, AND WHEN THEY READ HIS MEMOIRS, THEY CAME ACROSS A STRANGE PASSAGE WRITTEN WHILE ON HIS DEATHBED:

“I LIE HERE TODAY REVIEWING MY LIFE. I STILL REMEMBER MY DREAM, MY PASSION TO BE A FIREMAN. MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE I WANTED TO PUT OUT FIRES…BUT I REALIZED SOMETHING TODAY.

I HAVE NEVER PUT OUT A REAL FIRE. N E V E R!”

What. . .

what in our lives–yours and mine–

are we spending our time studying i

n order to avoid

D O I N G ?

Seriously. . .just what Day is exactly NOT a New Year?

A New Beginning?

A Do-Over?

NO!

No more Resolutions!

No more, “I SHOULD’S”

No more, “I COULD’S”

No more, “I WOULD’S”

DISSOLVE Resolve- -this Day

. . .this Year.

Merely. . .Actually. . .

W H O L E H E A R T E D L Y

become Absolutely Y O U!

You were. . .

You are. . .

You will Always be unfolding

to Become more completely YOU!

(and less than Anyone else).

Dissolve to Resolve. . .

IT will guarantee you a New Year any day of the Year!

Be the Firemen WHO fights Fires. . .

watch the Flames lift you and eliminate all of the smoke from being in your eyes;

SIGN UP & NEVER MISS A POST!

My name is Chuck Behrens, serving others to help others serve. I value your time and take your readership seriously. Follow along and together lets become Expert Members of Triple A: Accessible. Accountable. Available.