Entertainment

4 simple ways to ask for and take paternity leave

Gone are the days when fathers were expected to do little more than bumble around their newborn, leaving all the hard work to their wife or partner — and thank goodness.

It has become increasingly normal for men to take an active role in their children's upbringing, starting at birth. A few prominent male business leaders have even spoken publicly about that transition, letting the world glimpse their devotion to family.

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg took two months of paternity leave to help care for his daughter Max and shared touching moments from his time with her. Blake Mycoskie, CEO of Toms Shoes, took three months of leave when his son was born last year and wrote about the experience for Glamour.

While these are great examples, men who aren't CEOs may have limited leave options or feel intimidated by the process of asking for and taking leave. That can be especially true in the U.S., where paid parental leave is rare. In contrast, the average amount of paid leave offered by the 34 countries that belong to the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) is nine weeks.

Without that kind of standard, parental leave can seem incompatible with work.

Scott Behson, professor of management at Fairleigh Dickinson University and author of The Working Dad’s Survival Guide: How to Succeed at Work and at Home, says that instead of hiding family needs or worrying about being seen as insufficiently committed to work, expectant fathers should find a pro-active way to advocate for themselves and their families.

That might sound overwhelming, but there are four simple steps to help you develop a paternity leave plan:

1. Find out if your company offers leave.

If you don't know your company's policy, consult your employee handbook or ask your HR department to clarify whether it provides paid or unpaid family leave. In some cases, employers may allow workers to use vacation or sick days to cover a planned absence for caregiving.

Behson says it's important to learn whether there is a separate maternity leave policy since U.S. businesses are required by law to provide their male and female employees the same amount of time off reserved for bonding. If the maternity policy, for example, covers six weeks for recovery and six weeks for bonding, male caregivers would be eligible for those six weeks of bonding leave.

You may also be eligible for unpaid leave through the Family and Medical Leave Act. The federal law provides up to 12 weeks of job-protected leave, but it has several exceptions and covers only 59% of U.S. workers.

To see which companies are known for their family-friendly policies, including paternity leave, check out the Fatherly 50.

2. Talk to your manager.

As soon as you are ready to share the news, approach your supervisor to discuss specifics.

"The key is not to just say, 'Hey, I’m taking paternity leave,' or 'Hey, can I take paternity leave?'" says Behson. "Instead present a plan. Say, 'My wife is giving birth in September. Here’s how I’m going to be handling it given that I’m going to be taking paternity leave.'"

Your plan can include details like which projects or assignments will need attention in your absence, whether or not you'll be available by phone or email and how you'll transition back into your role, particularly if you plan to return part-time at first. It may seem awkward to talk about the tasks you won't be performing, but transparency and communication are necessary for a successful leave.

Managers, says Behson, can also be risk-averse, so it may be helpful to remind them of your stellar track record or to offer a written proposal they can reference.

If your company does not offer leave, Behson says it's still worth discussing the possibility with your manager.

"Don’t just assume that your boss will not be supportive," he says. "You never get anything unless you advocate for yourself. Most managers really want to do the right thing by their employees, it’s just they don’t always know how. Help them help you."

3. Set expectations and boundaries.

It's still common for people to view male caregivers as non-essential, but as Behson says: "There's really only two things moms can do that dads can’t: give birth and breastfeed."

You will be changing diapers, doing laundry, cooking meals, cleaning, rocking, burping and possibly bottle feeding. There are few breaks, so don't feel obliged to indulge people's jokes or questions about "going on vacation." Gently remind them that it's parental leave, a new job in which you are on call 24 hours a day and don't sleep.

Also decide how available you want to be during this time and make that clear to your manager and colleagues. Ideally, you could focus solely on your new family and skip regular check-ins. If you think it's important to remain connected via email, however, Behson recommends checking it once every day at the same time.

4. Don't get paranoid.

Behson knows that every employee, regardless of gender, may feel some anxiousness about their colleagues viewing leave as a vulnerability or even an opportunity. Some of that may reflect reality, but Behson also believes workers often underestimate their workplace.

"I think if you build up a reputation as a valuable employee over time, four weeks is not going to torpedo that," he says. "Recognize that you might have more allies than you think."

Building these relationships before departing and strengthening them when you return may help alleviate anxiety when transitioning to and from parental leave.

Behson urges fathers to remember the benefits of parental leave. Not only does it help foster gender equality at home and in the workplace, research has also shown that fathers who took at least two weeks of leave were much likelier to be involved in their child's care nine months after birth. Additionally, longer leaves have been associated with higher parenting satisfaction.

"It’s really important that men as well as women are afforded the opportunity to bond with the children and to learn their new family dynamics," says Behson. "It's good for kids, spouses and families."

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