Sabrina has served as CEO of Palo Alto Software (www.paloalto.com) since 2007, where she has led the launch and development of the award-winning online business planning and management tool LivePlan (www.liveplan.com). Sabrina also contributes articles regularly to Bplans (www.bplans.com), Palo Alto Software's free small business resource site, and Mommy CEO (www.mommyceo.org), her personal blog about striking work-life balance between running a business and spending quality time with her husband and three young sons. Before she took the helm at Palo Alto Software, Sabrina served as Director of Online Marketing at Commtouch, Senior Producer at Epinions.com, and founder of her own Web consulting company, Lighting Out. In 2001, five years after graduating from Princeton University, she and her husband Noah founded a UK software distribution company that later was purchased by and became a wholly owned subsidiary of Palo Alto Software. When Sabrina is not at work she can be found chasing her kids all over Oregon: biking, hiking, swimming, skiing, and anything outdoors that uses up a lot of a little boy's energy.

Working Women: When Have You Waited Too Long To Become a Mom?

New York Magazine has a very controversial photo on it’s front cover this month. It mimics the famous Vanity Fair cover in which Demi Moore posed nude, and pregnant. Despite how you may feel about whether women should take advantage of advances in medicine that allow them to become mothers in their late 40′s or early 50′s, the picture on the cover of New York Magazine is disturbing. The woman on the cover definitely does not look like she could be or should be pregnant. And maybe it’s that initial shock at the picture that make many people feel that women should not be using medical advances to become pregnant when they are 49, or 52 like some of the women in the article. I don’t feel like older women should not become mothers. I think there are many children in this world who would only hope to have a parent want them so much, they were willing to do everything it takes to be pregnant at 50. I’m no doctor — but it’s got to be an overwhelmingly hard experience. I had my first child at 30, and my 3rd at 35. I can tell you that those 5 years made a huge difference in how I felt pregnant. I can only imagine what a 50 year old feels like.

I think the bigger issue to think about is why women are waiting this long to have a child, and what are they giving up when they have a child this late in life? The first question is pretty easy to answer. Working women are the ones who are moving the average age when a women has her first child higher and higher. We are waiting longer, so that we can feel that we are at the right point in our careers, and are ready to take the time to have a child. We are opting to have career success before we have children. Which again, I think is great, and completely the choice of the woman.

But the bigger question is the second: What are you giving up when you wait until your 40′s or 50′s to have your first child? Being a working woman, and a working mother of 3 small children, I can definitely say what would worry me, if I was to have children 10 years from now, instead of between 30 and 35 as I did:

Energy. I know, one of the women in the New York Magazine article says she and her husband (both in their 50′s when they had their first child) have always been overly energetic. Sure I believe that. But let’s be honest, having babies and young children is exhausting. Even if you are really energetic in your 30′s. I’m not 50 and as I write this post I am exhausted. And while tomorrow is Saturday, unfortunately my not yet 2 year old, 5 year old and 7 year old don’t really understand that weekends are for sleeping in, and will be up around 6:30 am tomorrow. Between sleep issues, and keeping up with active kids, and making it to all the kid related activities, and work I am always tired. It makes me overwhelmed to think of me in 10 years still being in the same place.

Assuming no horrible luck, I will be able to play a role in my future grand children’s lives. I had an extremely active grandmother who while not living today, has influenced me greatly. My children have great relationships with their 4 grandparents. These parents having children this late, won’t be able to participate in their grand children’s lives in the same way that I will. This is not terrible– but definitely something to think about.

You will be more alone raising your kids. Your kids’ friends’ parents will not relate to you. It will be harder to find mommy groups, or fit in at the PTA meeting. You will fell “left out”. I know because in the town I live in, there are many, many stay-at-home moms, and not so many working moms. I often fell left out. But the working moms that are around, are my age and I relate to them in a huge way. Will you find “peers” in parent groups? Or will you feel like you don’t fit in with anyone?

Are you risking your health, or baby’s health being pregnant so late in life. I’m no doctor, but I do know this. I was 35 when I got pregnant the 3rd time. The doctors treated me differently, because now I was in the “high risk” group. If someone is high risk at 35, what are they at 50?

Will your kids be young adults, and dealing with taking care of their now, very old parents, before they should or are even mature enough too? Is a 25 year old going to have to deal with you and Alzheimer’s?

When I list the worries I would have, I want to make sure people understand that I am not saying I don’t agree and you shouldn’t do it. I still think this is a choice and it should be your choice (if you can afford all the treatments of course). But this is not just a decision to be taken lightly. There are a lot of potential problems having children that late in life — and you should think very carefully about all the issues. More importantly, if you do not want to be in the predicament as a working woman to have to figure out whether you too should think about a baby in you late 40′s, think NOW. No one is every “ready” for a baby. So if you are waiting to be ready, you may be waiting forever. Instead if you want a baby, plan and make that happen when you don’t have to battle all the medical and social issues much older mothers have to battle. The good news for women is that we drive baby making in a way men do not. Take control, take your power in this equation and make your decision, when it is right, and not just when it is getting too late.

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“No one is every “ready” for a baby. So if you are waiting to be ready, you may be waiting forever.”

This is what I’ve always said to those who have scolded me for having my children in my 20s. A then 38 y/o childless and unmarried woman told me that I’d ruined my life by marrying and becoming a mother so young. I still find that hilarious.

I also agree with you on the energy bit. It is indeed a woman’s provocative, however, I could not imagine having a baby that old. Heck, I couldn’t imagine what it would be like with infants and toddlers in my 30s.

I applaud you taking on this challenging topic. Obviously you have a lot of first-hand experience with being a working mom and it’s great that you are able to share that experience.

However, I found your article very close-minded and judgmental. Even though you emphasize several times in the article that it’s “a woman’s choice” to have a child later in life, it’s very clear from your tone and talking points outlined in your article that you don’t approve of women making different choices than the choice you have made – to have children before the age of 35.

The most obvious evidence of this is how you dedicate the bulk of your article to what women who choose to have children later in life are giving up – “what would worry you” – without giving any consideration (or ink) to what a woman might actually gain by waiting later in life to have children.

You also assume throughout the article that “advances in science” are making it possible for women to have children later in life without opening yourself or the readers up to the possibility that many career women are choosing to adopt rather than have their own biological children.

Earlier this year, I was reminded while watching Sheryl Sandberg’s Barnard College Commencement Speech (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdvXCKFNqTY) that while women have come a long way in terms of gender equality in the workplace, we still have a long way to go. Women get plenty of pressure from society, from their families, and from the media to make compromises about their careers – including pressure to have a family because “the clock is ticking.” I’ve watched too many women heed that advice only to abandon their career after their second child arrived because it financially didn’t make sense for them to work or they felt it was the wrong choice for their family.

The fact remains – there is no “one way” to do any of this. None of us have the magic recipe for having a career and a family. The least we can do for each other is open minded and authentically supportive of each other and the *many* different choices we can now make when it comes to career and family.

Since when is it “Closed Minded” and “Judgmental” to simply state your opinion? Am I Closed Minded and Judgmental for saying I like the color Pink, just because I did not list all other colors?

My husband and I started our family when I was 20 and he was 35, the ages are no typo, a 15 year difference is a fact. I had my first child at 20, second at 21, third at 22 and fourth at 24, four children in four and a half years. Now, 26 years later, I have 2 grandsons, one 18 months old and the other 22 months.

While visiting them or being visited by them is the high point of any day, week, or month, they are exhausting. I sometimes look back and wonder how I could have possibly survived having 4 children under the age of 5 at one point. Let alone 2-3 toddlers, multiple pre-teens and then 4 teenagers. The noise, the whining, and the fighting amongst themselves, not to mentions the shopping, cleaning, organizing, cooking, and let’s not forget the 3 baseball and one softball game on the same night in 2 or 3 different parks, the football, dance, choir, orchestra. I’m exhausting myself just typing it all out.

My husband and I are active; we have 3 dogs we take for a walk every evening when we get home from work (weather permitting). We take long trips (20-45 miles) on our bikes every weekend. On rainy days, or those cold and snowy Michigan winter days, I put in 5 miles on our treadmill. We join every 5K and 10K race we can, no matter the cause. But those 2 adorable, angel faced little boys exhaust us.

I do have an opinion on the subject at hand, and I know some will consider me “Closed Minded” and “Judgmental” for exercising my Freedom of Speech. But it’s my Right as a citizen of this great country.

I think people who wait until they are so old that they will reach retirement age before their children even graduate from High School are extremely selfish. While I do recognize certain advantages to waiting, the disadvantages for the children far out weight them. Added to the list above, by Sabrina, here are some other disadvantages when having children later in life.

- The parents are much less likely to be able to understand and “connect” with their children which are very important aspects in helping children develop emotionally, mentally, and physically. - The parents are less likely able to help the children with homework as well as understanding & using new technologies. - The parents are going to fail a lot more often that succeed at planning family outings that will be as enjoyable for the young as for the old (children don’t do so well at the theater, ballet, or opera). - The parents are much more likely to face health issues that restrict them from being a parent in all aspects of responsible, loving, active parenting. - The children are much more likely to relate better to adults than to their peers, making them “freaks” in the eyes of their school mates and the other children in the neighborhood.

I think it’s hilarious when we are out and about with one or both of our grandson’s and someone refers to my husband or me as either the boys’ mother or father. If the boys were our children and someone mistakenly referred to me as their grandmother, I would not find it so funny.

I would love to be a 35 year old mom. Problem is I’m already 34 1/2 and not married. So I may very well be into my 40′s when I have kids. Am I to be punished for that? Sometimes we can’t help our circumstances, and for whatever reason we choose to wait until we think it’s the best time. Sometimes, our choice is out of our control…

I’d like to see the same story written about men who wait a long time to become fathers. Or who become fathers when they’re too young. Women’s choices are always scrutnized, particularly by other women. Shame, that.

Jennifer as I stated in my post- I was merely expressing my worry — and not judging or saying what women do is wrong. I agree that sometimes what you want is out of your control. But what you choose is not. I’m not saying being a much older mom is wrong– just that it might be much, much more challenging. And maybe it is not. This is just my humble opinion. More than anything I want all to know I support every woman’s decision.

Okay, this is from a man, so please don’t throw rocks. ; ) I have raised children from age 22 to now age 52, so I do have some qualifications to say a few words here.

There is no perfect recipe for when to have children, but as a happy married couple, we have been open to life from the very beginning. It has been a great ride!

My wife and I had children when we were young (22), and she had our last four years ago at 48! A beautiful healthy little girl. Now my wife started a new career by being founder of a new school K -12 in its third year. So maybe its in the genes, be we have plenty of energy and give of ourselves raising our children. If you want a career, okay, but don’t complain later that time has run out. If you want children early, okay, then don’t complain you did not have a career. The world tells you to think of yourself first, and then plan your family. I have met planty of couples who regret waiting to have children until they have everything they need and have had all the fun first.

True joy and happiness comes from selfless love first ( yes, us men need to learn that for our wives too) and trust that God the Creator will give you all that you need, not all that you want, to live this life out to the fullest. Then you will be truly happy!

One of my law partners spent ten years in her thirties going through IVF. Then she divorced. Some working women aren’t keen on being single moms too, so she stopped trying.

Then she re-married and the IVF began again. She finally conceived at 49 and today is the happy mother of twin seven year old boys. Great mom, great dad, great family.

Many adoption agencies will not permit women over 40 to adopt, so if you want children and you’ve had trouble getting pregnant in your thirties (many women do, particularly after 35) late biological motherhood is a woman’s only remaining choice.