So the following rant was generated by my reflecting on discussions I had with the lovely and delightful beststephi and the delightful and lovely froggiesocks, neither of whom have a twin as far as I know. The only twin I know of who supposedly reads this is dales and as far as I know, his brother Don does not. I would of course be intrigued to hear their opinions on what I say here, as well as any other twins who might be reading. But really, like any of my rants, I want to know what everyone thinks. So comment away. Anyway, with that I give you 1000 words of free flowing hostility:

Ok, so people are turned on by different things. Like many men, I have a thing for sexy lingerie (hence the fabled Jammy Jams). Some people are into leather or bondage or have foot fetishes or cross-dressing. Maybe you like to wear diapers or play in excrement. Nobody is judging you, freakboy.

I’m not about to take issue with any uncommon fetishes. If at this very moment, you’re wearing a ball gag and soaking in a tub of liquid latex while your girlfriend is removing her catholic schoolgirl blouse so that she can put on her nipple clips before the two of you take turns tossing an albino midget’s salad with chocolate syrup, then by all means carry on. What the hell are you doing taking an Internet break anyway? No, what I actually want to talk about here is a common “fetish,” A fantasy supposedly shared by every man. What I’m talking about is twins. That’s right, twins. From Doublemint to Coors Light to Mary Kate and Ashley, being twins is supposed to mean you’re sexy. Young or old, black or white, straight or gay, jew or gentile. If you are a red blooded American male, then you are supposed to be into twins. If you aren’t into twins, you’re either, a woman, a communist or a Vulcan. The rest of us are all about the twin loving.

But does it make any sense?

I was talking with froggiesocks the other day and she commented that she thought the whole concept of a threesome with twins was kind of gross and why would anyone want to do that? Being that I am a red blooded American male, I of course was totally into the concept of having sex with twins and so I was confused by the very question. What do you mean why? They’re fucking twins for Jay-Z’s sake. TWINS!!! What more reason does one need? They’re like the same and stuff! Larissa then pointed out that it’s not just that they’re identical. They’re also sisters (or brothers, whichever floats your boat) and isn’t that kind of gross? It’s incest. How come it’s okay to want to fuck twins but gross if it was just non-twin sisters.

Duh…

Ummm….

Duh…

You know, in the 20 years or so, since the onset of puberty that question had never once entered my mind. Twins are sexy. That’s just how it is. You aren’t supposed to question it. When you’re ten years old, your voice changes, you grow hair on your balls and twins are sexy. We don’t question these things. They simply are. If you need some kind of logic behind it… well how about this: If the Felicia, the pretty girl in class, is suddenly sexy because she has grown, what I guess technically qualifies as breasts, then wouldn’t she be twice as sexy if there were two of her. Triplets would be three times as much, and so on. There you go, indisputable proof in the scientific method.

Of course the brilliant mathematical simplicity didn’t really occur to me at the time. See, I’m a boy. So as a boy I used boy logic. And boy logic goes like this: “Ummm, why exactly is it gross to want to fuck non-twin sisters?”

But I digress. I thought about what she said and dwelled on it for a while. Then beststephi and I discussed it a bit and I came to realize that it really seems that men are affected by twins but women aren’t. I mean, maybe they are, but I know I’ve met about a million guys over the course of my life who have explicitly mentioned a twin fantasy at one time or another and I can’t think of a single woman who has. I know several women who are all about threesomes (no, I won’t tell you their names here), but I can’t think of a single one who has ever said Jason and Jeremy London, dammmmmmnnnn I wouldn’t mind being in that sandwich! In fact, I had a hard time even coming up with famous male twins to use for my example. (The only other ones I could come up with were Nicholas Brendan and Kelly Donovan. But Donovan isn’t really famous. I don’t think that many people even know Nicholas Brendan has a twin brother. Hell, how many of you even know who Nicholas Brendan is. Or the London brothers for that matter).

So what’s the deal? Are women just innately more sensitive to incest than men are? Are they somehow more resilient to the subliminal mass post hypnotic suggestion that was implanted in our collective psyches starting with the Doublemint twins? Or is there something more than that? I think maybe women are just smarter than men. Not for all the reasons that we traditionally think women are smarter than men. I think women are smarter because subconsciously they realize the flawed logic in having sex with twins. That’s right, flawed logic. After twenty years of wanting to knock boots with twins, I’ve changed my mind.

Why?

Because it’s pointless.

That’s right, I said it. Having a threesome with twins is pointless. Why? Because best-case scenario, they’re exactly the same. The entire point in having a threesome is that you get to have sex with two different people at the same time. Maybe you get one girl with nice legs and another with nice tits. Or maybe its one guy with a good ass and the other has a big dick. Whatever. But the point is they’re different. But sex isn’t just physical, so the only other possibility is that one twin is better at it than the other. Well, if that’s the case, what the hell are you doing fucking around with the sucky twin? See, it’s pointless.

Of course, if the Olsens or the Klimaszewskis want to drop by and sex me up to test the theory, I guess I’m willing to take one for the team. Anything for science.

Comments:

For the record, I've had the "twinsex is incestsex" revelation rather early on, but I attribute it to having grown up knowing at least one set of twins almost all of my life. At very least, there wasn't the same mystique about it all. I'll see if I can get a twinfriend or two to comment on this whole matter.

Similarly, I'll go to bat for my many twinned aquaintences, and point out that identical twins are only genetically identical, and by the time they've hit the meat of puberty, they tend to be sick to death of being seen as identical. Whether it's just a different haircut or distinctly different social circles, styles, and personalities, even the closest twins do something to differentiate themselves. It may just be my own experience, but female twins seem to go further out of their way to do this; perhaps as a distinct reaction to this very cliche fetish? Probably plenty of other reasons, really? At any rate, I suspect the Olsens or Klimaszewskis or so forth only do the identical thing for the public image - probably to play up to the aforementioned twin fetish.

As an aside, I do agree with the idea of variety being the entire point of a threesome. I much prefer to focus on one person at a time, but from a strictly conceptual point of view, the variety is the appealing element.

Actually, I've known several sets of twins over the course of my life as well, including one set of males, who considering their personalities, I don't think they'd even think twice before stripping down if some girl offered to go to bed with them. I think jameel hit the nail on the head though. Most guys probably never consider the incest issue because the fantasy isn't really about seeing twins having sex with each other. Its about the two of them pleasing you. That, or there's the other point which I made, despite what aniline said, I don't think most guys are all that grossed out by the concept of two sisters getting it on... so long as they aren't their sisters. Boys are kind of hypocritical that way.

As for the Olsens and the Klimaszewskis, yeah, I'm sure that's right. they play up the twin thing for marketing purposes. Hell, the Olsens aren't even actually identical twins. They're fraternal, they just work hard to look the same way. And these days outside of doing movies that milk the twin concept, they tend to work harder at even distinguishing themselves for press shots and the like.

And by the way... Mary Kate is TONS hotter than Ashley. Just sayin' is all...

As a female twin, I gotta say that I never understood why guys didn't think it was gross. I think what they really want is a clone, not a twin. heh. I mean, the concept of ew, ugh, I can't even think about it, it's my SISTER. EW. I've unsettled many a guy on this topic by asking them in return whether or not they want to have sex with their sibling. That usually shut 'em up real quick. heh. On the other hand, it's sorta fun that twin=sexy. Less work on my part. ;) Twin also =extremely cute as well, in a japanese cartoon character type of cute. Hello Kitty is a twin! heh.

FWIW, my boyfriend is as sick of the twin-threesome notion as me. Every time he mentions in a group of guys that he's dating a twin, he always gets the man grunts and eyebrow raisings of approval and an elbow dig, but then he has to loudly say "No!!! Not like that!!!" and they settle down. :)

Thank you for dropping by and commenting for the rant of someone you don't know from Adam. And also thankyou for taking it for what it was and not being offended (at least it seems you aren't) by the hostility style. Anyway...

Anyway, I don't think guys really WANT a clone. I mean, maybe they think they do. I guess. But I think really guys are looking for something with more... I guess as fizzbang put it, variety. I don't know you or your sister, but I would imagine (based on the other sets of twins I have met in my life) that you are two similar in many ways but also very different people. Therefore, I would guess that if someone was somewhat attracted (physically or emotionally to one of you) the similarities to the other one would make them appealing as well. But as Ms. Anonymous below pointed out, those differences would make you each attractive in your own way as well.

I mean to get totally stereotypical on you, one of you would be the naughty twin and the other would be the nice twin. There's hours of 70s porn quality footage that can be generated from that simple trope alone.

Thank you again for your time. Especially since you don't know me. For the sake of argument, I'd love to hear your sisters take on it as well.

I've always found twinsex to be sort of disturbing, mostly because I see twins as seperate people with seperate personalities. I think the attraction towards twins comes more from the idea of anonymous twins rather that say, a twin girlfriend and her sister or two close friends. I think the draw is towards interchangeable and indentical sex partners, not towards two sisters (as Mav pointed out).

I for one, have no desire to be witness to the sexual congress of two siblings, nor to take part in the same. I can imagine few people who want to be in the same room with their own sibling engaged in sex let alone participate in it.

So the answer is obviously sex clones. Grown in a vat, matured to adulthood and bred to be bereft of personality or individuality. They will service the needs of those who desire them, and then return to home base for cleaning, feeding, and store. Male and female models available, call now.

Yeah, I was definitely simplifying with the better than the other thing.

Nope... the fantasy is over.... Completely given up on. Now, I personally am going to have sex with several sets of twins for the purposes of scientific exploration. And I'll have to do each set it several times in order make sure the data is properly collected, and I'll need to have a control group, so I'm thinking I'm also going to have to have a sex with Mary Kate Olsen and Elaine Klimazewski at the same time, and maybe it would be best if I do some sort of double blind thing and if there's going to be blindfolds, well then there might as well be handcuffs too, right?

See, the thing of it is this: it's not incest because they're not having sex with each other; they're both having sex with you. That's my take on it, anyway.

See, just like I said... BOY LOGIC!!! It kind of falls under the theory that two lesbians who are making out will immediately turn their interest from each other to you, the second you walk into the room. It doesn't work that way... well for people other than me anyway... but then, I'm just that damn sexy...

Now, I have an interesting question. If you could duplicate like Jaime Maddrox, would you have sex with yourself?

See that actually is a very interesting question. The gut reaction is to say no. Because, well... because it just seems weird. I mean, as sexy as I am, I see myself naked all the time, and I just don't turn myself on. Then you might have to worry, "ummm... is this gay?" But then on the flip side, all of those questions go away if you stop thinking of it as sex and then start thinking of it as masturbation. There's the adage, "If I could suck my own dick, I'd never leave the house." Well, suddenly you could.

I guess I never got the whole twin thing. I mean, I'm a guy, two chicks = hotttttt, but not if they're identical. It's like dessert. If I have a bowl of strawberry ice cream that I'm enjoying, why would I set it down when half finished to pick up another bowl of strawberry ice cream? That's silly. But maybe if I set down the strawberry for some, I dunno, caramel ripple, that's much more appealing.

From a purely anatomical perspective, I'd think that it'd be a lot easier for male twins to get it on with a woman than the other way around. Unless you're a man and into twins with strap-ons, which I sure ain't.

And I can't believe you forgot the most famous pair of male twins out there: Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzeneggar.

Issue 1) Yep, totally agree. That's actually a really good analogy and exactly what I was getting at.

Issue 2) Well, that has nothing to do with twins. That's true of any 3+ partner sex situation. While I see your point, its kind of short-sighted, since it assumes that the only sex worth having is penis->vagina (or anal) penetration. I disagree. It also doesn't take bisexuality of either gender into account.

"For Mav, I'll read, but if he wants my response, he'll have to come here to get it. (Or I could forward it! -FZ!)

I am an overly sympathetic person. Every guy feels a twinge when he sees someone get punched in the nuts, but I ache just hearing about it. I am always thinking "how would I feel if I were in their situation?" So, if I am to consider the advantages of female twins, I must reverse the situation. Upon doing so, all advantages immediately disappear. Ugh, eww ew ew ew. Therefore, I find twins no more or less attractive or desirable than other women. On the other hand, if my brother and I can each get one, that means less competition for resources, and other than the annoyance of every person on Earth asking if the four of us ever climbed into the sack together, that kind of efficiency is quite advantageous.

That, and the difficulty involved in splitting your attention two ways really subtracts from the experience. Or so I would imagine.

The thing with you and Dale dating twins though woule be that A) it would just be waaaayyyyy to cute and the rest of us might be forced to kill two of you. B) It would never have actually occured to me ask if the four of you had climbed into bed together... the slimy question I would have thought of (were I to think of one at all) would be whether you swapped. I don't know why... Because it would make no more sense for you to swap as a pair of twins than it would for any other pair of siblings, and of course if anything being twins would make swapping like threesome have LESS of a point, but that's what would occur to me to ask. And curiously, it doesn't occur to me to ask non-twin girlfriends that you guys might have. It only seems to make sense (in a totally non-sensical way) when its two sets of twins.

Anyway, thanx again for overcoming the LJ aversion to read this and comment (even through proxy)