I have no problem with what you said or how you said it. I second a pp who said that this is how to handle a stranger impinging on your personal space. I don't think you were rude. Yes, you weren't "nice". That doesn't necessarily make you rude though.

Since the OP said she talked to a "volunteer coordinator," then this is a program that the hospital / medical center has which allows developmentally disabled adults to learn job skills while volunteering. My adult DD who has autism was in 2 such programs in high school. While she worked in several areas: housekeeping, laundry, pharmacy, offices, and food service, she was NEVER without some sort of supervision.

DD probably had some interactions with patients during the housekeeping and food service stints but the interaction would have been minimal and controlled.

"Bill" should have been occupied with a job. If he wasn't doing something constructive, something should have been found for him to do. This program in OP's hospital / medical center sounds like it is poorly run.

I agree with Kherbert's take on this: OP was surprised and upset and didn't have a kinder planned phrase to impress upon Bill that his interactions were inappropriate. If OP's response makes Bill more hesitant to socialize with patients, well, that's a good thing.

Hi:I have a disability myself. I'm not intellectually impaired, but at times do have a hard time remembering faces, especially if I haven't seen them in awhile. I also have worked with a few people who have various degrees of intellectual disabilities. In terms of this particular situation, I think the OP was just a little harsh. Not much as I totally understand the feeling of being harrassed by a guy with "issues" when I jusr want to be left alone. I certainly don't think she had to engage in conversation. My tactic usually is to tell someone I'm really into my reading material. If I didn't have a book or magazine, I would say just that I dont feel like talking. Then if he persisted, I would definitely tell the receptionist or whoever. He just may not remember the OP.

I actually used to volunteer on a hospital ward. I had EXTENSIVE training and if on the ward and someone said they were busy or didn't want a volunteer in their room, would immediately leave and not be the least bit offended. (I didn't need training to know that, lol.) I also didnt go in the room if visitors, a nurse or doctor was in it, unless the patient indicated they wanted that.(Most of these patients were there longterm, so sometimes they wanted me there.) I agree with others that it seems odd,that there would be a volunteer in a doctors office. It does seem kind of like his parents finding a way for him to contribute. It is a noble idea, but probably not the best idea.

And just read your reply jane7166, and totally agree. The program does sound pretty poorly run. in the long run, it may do harm than good, if people get a negative view of people with intellectual disabilities.

This man came up to me, stuck out his hand, and said, "My name is Bill, I volunteer here on Thursdays." I just glanced up from my magazine and replied, "I'm not in the mood for conversation, go away."

I think the OP was overly harsh. She knows this man is developmentally disabled. There was nothing about this particular interchange that was threatening or harassing in the slightest. The background is, for me, immaterial. The OP could have chosen to be gracious and said something like, "Hi Bill - I'm busy - have a great day!" and diffused everything, especially because she knows he has developmental issues. I am not a patient person in the slightest, but especially if I know a person is develomentally disadvantaged I take that into account and consider that I could make their day with a simply smile. If the man is in fact developmentally disabled, this is not about a specific affection for the OP but rather a boundary it seems he learned, based on his introduction of "Hi, I'm Bill..."

It is a Kaiser medical complex that has a building designated for same-day surgeries. So the volunteers in the surgical building provide directions, assistance with wheeling post-surgical patients to their cars, etc.

He doesn't need to recognize OP to find his appropriate work space. He was where he wasn't supposed to be - in that sense I agree the background is not all that important. Even if he had never approached her before he should not have been there.

I think the rudeness in this situation is the volunteer office for not reining in this guy. I wonder how many other people have been disturbed by him.

Pod. Someone who asks strangers to "be my girlfriend" is not ready to be working unsupervised with the public. And it's clear from the history of the harassment that Bill doesn't get subtleties.

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My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

If this were someone the OP hadn't met before, her response would be way over the top.

However, this was someone who, in the past, had harassed the OP to the point that she needed to speak to his supervisors to get him to back off. Being overly chatty or socially awkward in a workplace setting is one thing - repeatedly asking a woman to be his girlfriend and not taking no (or "I'm married") for an answer steps over a line, even for someone mentally challenged. The OP has no particular reason to believe that the young man in question has improved his behaviour, either, given the abrupt nature of his introduction. Not wanting to strike up a conversation with him, and brusquely repelling his attempt is, I think, okay in that situation.

The fact that this is in a medical setting makes the original harassment worse. People waiting in doctors' offices tend to be there because they are sick or in pain, and often worried and upset. That's not a good situation to expect people to tactfully repel unwanted advances. It's also a situation where leaving is not an option. If you remove yourself from an uncomfortable situation, you forfeit a medical appointment you may have waited some time for.

It is a Kaiser medical complex that has a building designated for same-day surgeries. So the volunteers in the surgical building provide directions, assistance with wheeling post-surgical patients to their cars, etc.

My guess would be that it's a choice between having a volunteer wheel you to the car, or whomever was picking you up wheel you to your car (or wheeling yourself). Often the volunteers are doing stuff that otherwise wouldn't be done, because there aren't enough paid staff do it.

Then I was sympathetic that you've had this type of encounter before with this man and that he hadn't gotten the hint.

After that, I was sympathetic to him because he obviously doesn't understand social cues due to this disability.

Then I thought practically, because I can see you saying, "Go away" very gently in a manner of plain, straight English so that he understands. The tone of voice would be plain, un-emotional, and informative in a base language that he could possibly understand.

I also think your advising the volunteer coordinator was very appropriate because if anyone knows how to speak to him in a way he understands, it should be his coordinator. I also agree with blarg314 on the basis of this being a medical setting. Not everyone wants to talk, especially if they are ill, and they shouldn't be exposed to this sort of interaction without being able to withdraw from it and keep from being further being harassed.

This man came up to me, stuck out his hand, and said, "My name is Bill, I volunteer here on Thursdays." I just glanced up from my magazine and replied, "I'm not in the mood for conversation, go away."

I think the OP was overly harsh. She knows this man is developmentally disabled. There was nothing about this particular interchange that was threatening or harassing in the slightest. The background is, for me, immaterial. The OP could have chosen to be gracious and said something like, "Hi Bill - I'm busy - have a great day!" and diffused everything, especially because she knows he has developmental issues. I am not a patient person in the slightest, but especially if I know a person is develomentally disadvantaged I take that into account and consider that I could make their day with a simply smile. If the man is in fact developmentally disabled, this is not about a specific affection for the OP but rather a boundary it seems he learned, based on his introduction of "Hi, I'm Bill..."

I don't think it is clear that the OP knew, at the time, that Bill was developmentally disabled - and more to the point, OP has acknowledged since her first post that she could have responded better.

The key point, to me, is that this is a medical center, where one would expect some institutional recognition of *patient's* feelings and considerations to be predominant over *any* volunteer's, yet the volunteer program has, at least in Bill's case, failed to train or oversee Bill sufficiently to prevent inappropriate overtures and staying outside facilities he is not meant to be in.

The background is material, but more so the front ground: OP was a patient at a medical facility. General care, and consideration for a *patient* should be the medical facility's first consideration, before that of volunteers - who are presumably there only to promote patient care, not add stress.

The background is relevant in that volunteer Bill had already posed enough unwanted intrusion that OP actively sought care at an alternative location in part to avoid him.

Much as you suggest, I and many others would extend additional consideration to those with certain challenges in most situations. In the OP's case, she agrees she could have responded better, but I think it key that she was a patient in a medical facility rather than browsing in a store or like situation.

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Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink -- under any circumstances.Mark Twain

I am under no obligation to speak to anyone just because they approach me.

This, this, this.We woman are programmed to be "nice", even if we are uncomfortable, and this makes us vulnerable.We feel guilty, and we shouldn't. Etiquette does not dictate responding to strangers. We teach our daughters not to talk to strangers, then as we grow into women, we are taught that it is "rude" not to. His "special needs" are a red herring, if someone sets off your hinky-meter, you are under no obligation to interact with them.

POD this x100000000000000The idea/social conditioning that women are supposed to be 'nice' and that owning a vagina means you're obligated to make nice to men and participate in social intercourse if a man incites it - regardless of whether that man is a potential predator, a stalker, or makes her uncomfortable - is one of the main contributing factors to rape culture and the fact we live in a rape culture is one of the biggest threats to women our society faces and is something all women (and men!) should actively fight against.

I am under no obligation to speak to anyone just because they approach me.

This, this, this.We woman are programmed to be "nice", even if we are uncomfortable, and this makes us vulnerable.We feel guilty, and we shouldn't. Etiquette does not dictate responding to strangers. We teach our daughters not to talk to strangers, then as we grow into women, we are taught that it is "rude" not to. His "special needs" are a red herring, if someone sets off your hinky-meter, you are under no obligation to interact with them.

POD this x100000000000000The idea/social conditioning that women are supposed to be 'nice' and that owning a vagina means you're obligated to make nice to men and participate in social intercourse if a man incites it - regardless of whether that man is a potential predator, a stalker, or makes her uncomfortable - is one of the main contributing factors to rape culture and the fact we live in a rape culture is one of the biggest threats to women our society faces and is something all women (and men!) should actively fight against.

The only negative reaction I have to this is that not all women were taught this, and thus "we women" is not appropriate. I do not like being lumped into a category to which I do not belong just because I have a certain set of genes.