EPA Employees Had To Be Told To Stop Shitting In Hallways

Something about this news story stinks. Literally. According to an email obtained by Government Executive, Management at the EPA office in Denver, Colorado to all staff, begging them to cease all inappropriate bathroom behavior and toilet humor, including actually taking dumps in the hallways.

I think we can now safely say that the EPA is full of shit.

Seriously, you elect government officials and expect them to be mature enough to lead and not make mookie stinks in the hallways of their own offices, but there they are, releasing the kraken in the middle of the goddamn hallway. Seriously? Seriously. Dropping the kids off at the pool, but getting there too quickly and leaving them on the sidewalk instead. That’s literally insane.

In the email, Deputy Regional Administrator Howard Cantor discussed “several incidents” in the EPA building, including clogging the toilets with paper towels as well as “an individual placing feces in the hallway.”

“Management is taking this situation very seriously and will take whatever actions are necessary to identify and prosecute these individuals,’ Cantor wrote. He asked for any employees with knowledge of the poop bandit or bandits to notify their supervisor.”

These are the people we’re trusting to clean up the environment? You can’t even trust them to get all of their doody into the bowl.

I fucking HATE the EPA. I’m all for environmental sustainability, but fuck these guys. I have seen them first hand write citations to plants because a creek 3 miles away had plain old dirt in the water, and it was the closest thing to it.