The New & Improved Apocalypse…

The Apocalypse is a greek word meaning “lifting the veil” or “revelation” it can also mean a disclosure of something hidden from the majority of mankind in an era dominated by falsehood and misconception. The more generally agreed upon definition is typically in accordance with Armageddon and the idea of the End of Days, or the end of the world….

Directly proceeding the Apocalypse is the appearance and revealing of the seven seals or signs including four horseman. “And one of the elders saith unto me, Weep not: behold, the Root of David, hath prevailed to open the book, and to loose the seven seals thereof” – “And behold, and, lo, in the midst of the throne and of the four beasts, and in the midst of the elders, stood a Lamb as it had been slain, having seven horns and seven eyes.”

The seals contain symbols commonly interpreted as death, famine, world wars, martyrdom, earthquakes, and the AntiChrist. It also states that there will be “seven trumpets” announcing aspects of the “end times”: mankind being judged, seas turning to blood, sores on people’s bodies, plagues, infertility, and the introduction of “seven bowls” – but enough about high school…

I jest – I make light – in a feeble attempt to help us all more easily digest the horrible reality that I now feel it is my duty to relay to you, so that thou may go forth and make ready any and all preparations should be necessary for whenst these seal shall be visited upon us… and maketh no mistake – they’re on their way….

Let me take you back to the beginning. Most of you know I was in a Boy Band for several years back in the early 70’s called “The Shaman”… we had a few minor hits on AM Radio, mostly in smaller markets and we traveled continuously…

Sure it started out as a way for the four of us to meet girls, but it moved far beyond that. Weird stuff happens on the road, away from home for months and when you call yourself something as mystical as the Shaman, people felt a connection, felt it important to share things with us, and me in particular as the lead singer….

Things started getting weird, started happening – things I could no longer explain… the weirder things got – the further I was immersed into a world I had neither imagined nor investigated but my interest was incontrovertible. Eventually, the other members of “The Shaman” succumbed to petty squabbles, jealousy and infighting and before too long, we broke up. After a few more shows, in which I was forced to perform acapella, after all, the show had to go on, we had 5 more concerts in order to fulfill our tour contract. So I did those last few as unplugged acoustic shows.

I couldn’t possibly be expected to remember all the events that lead to where I now find myself in this position of special knowledge, knowledge that I am now willing to share with you, knowledge that directly pertains to the Apocalypse and what you need to know before the rapture ruptures…. and over the next few days I’m going to pass along as much of that info as I can.

The First Sign or Seal is the Seal of Religious Conquest and the Horseman is White. The mistake all religious zealots make – is in the interpretation of the signs, generally this means they’ve chosen to take the writing literally and in so doing have forsaken all possible interpretations. In the case of the first seal, the religious conquest means not religion proper but instead it doth pertain to the twixt of it’s heathen off-spring, what hath now wrought as the religion most liketh and practiced by the majority or thine brethren… I speak, plainly and of which there can be no doubt about the meaning of this symbol and mine truest speech, tis only that which I speak of is… Fast Food.

So it is written that when the lamb lays down with the beef patty and the two shall meet twain the bun, twixt the lettuce and pickle and when doth the beast rest upon hither bunned beef, with hoof and nail in direct contact with the grain of my earth, so shall the first seal be considered open……

Behold, the first seal is thrown wide and let the stallion of majesty loose upon thou his furious refrain….. when the double beef patty is shoren and the canine steps forth with feet of meat, so shall ye proclaim….

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This, here, now, you are privy - it has begun....and thine eyes have been opened

Take forth this knowledge lest ye shall be forewarned of it’s portent and strike as a call to arms and a trumpeting of our own finest hour and the beast shall be beholden to kibble and snausages once more…. and shall be lo, no more concern…