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Valentine’s Day is the worst. I don’t need to get into specifics – either you love it or you hate it. I fall into the second group – always have. Perhaps it all started in 3rd grade when my crush gave me this maddeningly vague Valentine card:

I agonized over whether “You’re cool” was his way of saying “Be my Girlfriend” or putting me in the friend zone. I checked his signature and was pretty sure that “O” in his name looked a little bit heart shaped…intentional? No?

While I now realize his mom most definitely filled out those cards and gave zero craps about who got what pre-printed sentiment, the experience caused a lot of anxiety at the time. And isn’t the insincerity of the whole stupid day really what makes it so terrible? Expressions of love made only out of obligation?

So If you hate Valentine’s Day, but also don’t want to look like a jerk, You could give your significant other this card:

Or if a big part of your socialization came from the characters on Seinfeld, (like me) you may be more interested in this one:

Or maybe you’re one of those couples that is just killing it. You want a card that says as much, but in as few words as possible:

The inside is blank so you can write your own message. Something like “That’s us, babe!” or “What does this mean? Who talks like this?”

If you like these cards you can download the files and print them yourself for free, just click the links below…but it’s up to you to figure out the whole double sided printing thing.