Tom Cruise is a “no kidding around movie star,” as Jimmy Kimmel pointed out (a few times!) when Cruise stopped by last night to promote his latest blockbuster, Oblivion. Hoping to have a little fun with Mr. Movie Star, Kimmel gave Cruise a series of random lines to read in a “dramatic movie star way.”

The one-liners were, of course, absurd and were accompanied by dramatic lighting and borderline sinister music. The actor was a good sport, giving lines like “Is there a way to get the soup and the salad?” and “You forgot to include the attachment” his all. He skipped only one: “April in accounting needs you to update your W-2s.”

A perfectionist even in an impromptu skit, Cruise insisted a few times that he could deliver the line better and that on film sets he gets a “couple of takes.” Check out his ridiculous one-liners below.