Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2008 1:37 pm Post subject: Don't let a bad experience on the dancefloor get you down

We've all come across this, I'm sure..

You're a new dancer, you're timid, you're insecure, you're trying your best....and someone you're dancing with has the audacity to comment on how bad you're doing.

This can be discouraging enough to make you quit dancing for good. IT happened to me when I was a beginner dancer. A guy in one of my lesons rolled his eyes at me when I had trouble doing a cross-body-lead with a turn.
I felt awful.

Luckily, I didn't let it get the best of me. One negative experience wasn't going to ruin it for me, and I kept on dancing, and I never looked back.

Lastweek at the social dance, there was this advance dancer counting 123 to see if i was offbeat while i was dancing. I thought that was rude but I did not let his sarcasm ruin my beautiful night at the studio. He was being sarcastic so I ignored him. Who cares if i dance poorly?I had fun anyways. He can laugh at my dancing while it lasts cause eventually i will get to his level and kick his A**! _________________Goodgirl goes to heaven. Badgirl goes to salsa.

I too am a new dancer. I haven't experienced anything negative yet. In fact, I experienced something quite nice. One of the women I danced with told me that I was doing a great job leading with the limited techniques that I knew. She told me I'll be one of good dancers people watch in 6 months So I was happy about that.

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission" (Eleanor Roosevelt)
- I guess, this should be the premise of this topic. Or, as I heard one of the students say "you have to work very hard in order to offend me" - kudos to you!

Folk, "bad" experience (though, I believe, the term is wrong per se) is where you actually learn something, otherwise, how do you improve if everybody is sooo darn nice to offer only flattering comments? The ways, in which this is communicated, might be different, though, and we might work on improvements in this department. But again, shouldn't we adjust our perception at times? Does your dance partner really mock you, or could it be just a figment of a rich imagination, or a hurt ego? Sometimes, people just don't connect on the dance floor no matter what, it has also to be taken into consideration. I know, it's often hard to to keep emotions at check, but shouldn't we just filter out what's really important (ideally)? Like, if you are off-beat, how to feel it and how to stay on? No offence, but counting DOES help (at least from my own prospective). I sometimes wonder if I may seem too harsh or annoying myself when dispensing "improvement suggestions"... by all means, I apologize, if so: I don't intend to sound hauty or offend anyone, it's just me and my big mouth

I am not trying to impose anything here, just sharing what works for me, so please, no offence IMHO, it's all part of a learning curve... I like the "no quitter" attitude, though, aren't we all here to learn, practice and "kick ass"? Sweaty, dizzy but getting there!
I am no quitter either, though I espouse a more humble approach, which up to date, as I believe, has earned me more brownie points, i.e. skill. Being a beginner I always try to thank my dance partner if I get any comments that would potentially improve my dancing (I still have to cross the "annoyance" line and really start asking the helpers and higher levels where they consider my deficiencies are, but that's the next goal ) And guess what, I did receive some very good pointers! Rome wasn't built in a day either.

As for having fun, this is absolutely paramount to any activity, but I have to respectfully disagree that it should be THE only and MOST important thing at the dance practice. Practice is primarily for practicing (= read: practical learning), so the students are here to get the moves we learned into our muscle memory and, ideally, do it in a correct and graceful manner.
Truth be told, I have taken a lot of crap in a certain Latin club, when I was at the level 1 and didn't even know about the practices, and still had the guts to show up and actually try to dance with the basic moves. I earnestly told everybody that I was a beginner... problem is they did not expect to which extent! Percieved sarcasm or rolling up eyes pales in comparison with some verbal reactions, including that clubs are for DANCING not for LEARNING (not my humble opinion, though). So what? At least I was trying to do my best, and in some ways, on my level, succeeded. On the other hand, I can understand those folk, showing up to have fun and stumbling on a clumsy beginner... so I don't blame anyone: I took the risk, I was prepared for a fallout and can only be thankful that it still pushed me forward.

Voilą - I think I said enuff - my twopence on the subject is getting too tiresome to scroll thru..._________________Music is my religion, salsa is my confession

What's the deal, salsa people? You know, the more things change, the more they stay the same. I have heard so many stories on how beginners are usually traumatized when dancing with an advanced dancer and the advanced dancer either rolls their eyes, uses sarcasm to belittle their partner, or the most common one: critizies their partner during the dance. This little piece of advice is for all advance dancers: encouragement, patience, and a little humour is the key. I've gone thorugh the same critism during my time as a beginner but I rose to the occasion. I hate to admit this but I had those same nasty habits after my first year with TDS. However, I had my own faults when leading so I worked on my leading skills as well as my attitude towards beginners(let's just say a certain dance partner of mine helped me a lot). Don't let a bad experience get you down. Always rise up to the occasion. If you keep practicing, keep your head up, and learn as much as you can. Eventually, those same people who criticize you will be ask you to dance. Holla back at ya boy!_________________You knooow!

I agree with most of what has been said here. First of all, it doesn't matter who you are and who you are dancing with, it is just common etiquette to be respectful, and of course being patient makes a world of difference. Having said this, if you are an advanced dancer it is exceedingly arrogant to be rude or impatient with someone who is not as good as you. As we all know, there are always bigger fish in the sea, so just as you are better than one person, someone else is better than you. That's why it helps sometimes to imagine yourself in the beginner's shoes. I am not pretending to be perfect and I'm sure that I have been impatient with a beginner in the past, but I've thought about it carefully and I really think it's important to keep these things in mind.

The second part of this discussion revolves around resilience, and the ability to bounce back up from a hard fall. I agree with you all that this is important. Sometimes it really is each man for himself, and you have to have the confidence in yourself to persevere because no one can do that for you. I was fortunate enough to never have someone blatantly make a rude comment about my dancing, but there have been several times when I would be dancing with a guy and he would dance with me for less than a minute and cut off our dance before the song would end. I usually respond to this as a challenge to be a better dancer. If you always try to take a seemingly negative experience and try to gain something positive out of it, you will be a much stronger person._________________SK

Life is full of obstacles such as salsa dance, school, work, etc. Overcoming these obstacles maybe only partially successful, the end result is still better than not trying.

Getting of topic, driving on the highway I meet a lot of different type of drivers yet I learn to compensate for the driving behaviour and driving conditions / weather. Some days are good and bad. I need to drive! regardless of driving conditions, I can't just lock myself inside house the whole week!

Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 8:45 am Post subject: Take it easy, and just have fun.

I know it is easier said than done; however, just brush of the negativity of some people. Apart from dancing, it will happen in life and the best way to deal with negative people is just to ignore them and leave them to their sad existence. If you're a good dancer whether leading or following, you can always make the best of it regardless of the skill or experience level of your partnerwhen dancing with someone with less experience. hose who choose to be negative about it when dancing with someone who they believe is "not up to their standards" are simply hiding their on inability to deal with the situation.

That said, people need to relax and just take it easy. Social dancing at a party or club is just that...a place to socialize and dance. It is different at a class or at a practice session. I hope people don't forget that the point is having fun. That is the point right?_________________Alfred