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Monthly Archives: December 2015

There is the concept that instead of resolutions you should set a one word focus of the year. I have tried in the past and often then forgot what my word was. I’m very out of site out of mind.

I commented to asubsmissives that I just wanted to keep growing. Just kinda came off the top of my head and well obviously that is where my heart is. I want to focus on growth in our D/s. This journey has made me deal with things from long ago and forced me to communicate. Not always easy but so damn worth the effort. Growing in my submission is having profound effects in my daily life.

2015
I have to say I hate to see you leave. You could not have been more amazing. If I would have made resolutions they would have paled in comparison to the way you turned out. I knew you were going to be great I could just feel it. Turning 40 this was going to be my year. I could not have envisioned just how happy I would be. Thank you 2015 I will always remember you fondly. 2016 you have big shoes to fill but you can do it.

Last night I was crabby when I got home from work. Everyone had been home all day and nothing had been done. I came home and had to cook dinner. This morning Daddy was still in bed which meant I had to find my clothes in the dark and I had to gather all my stuff and head to another bathroom to get ready. I was crabby and reverting to my old self. Then I panicked. It’s been nine months at this. What if I’m getting tired of it? What if I’m not really submissive? I have issues sticking with things. I start a lot of stuff and never finish it. Have I drug him down this road to find I can’t do this?

Once again I MIGHT be over reacting. 😉 I think I’m hormonal – sometimes sucks to be a woman. Mostly I think it is because I had to go back to work yesterday after a week off. Everyone else in my house is still on vacation. That always makes me irritable. I also think because I was away from him all day and he had a horrible headache when I got home we had very little connection. That’s what I miss. I need that. I crave it. I feel lost without it. I feel alone.

We have a weekend alone coming up and I’m hoping to discuss more ways he can take charge or set routines. I don’t want to burden him but I desire to feel more guided.

I can do this. I wouldn’t have fought this hard, cried so much and reached out for support if I didn’t want this so desperately.

That question can send me in to a panic as I have to quickly assess who is asking and which items are appropriate to tell them.

I have three categories. There are items in the generally accepted category, for those that won’t judge things that are in the “Little” category and the Adult list which is really only acceptable for those of you here.

Going back to work today I had to be ready for that question so I don’t look stupid stalling while I try to come up with an appropriate response.

A small part of me would love to say “Why Yes I did. A large purple dildo, anal beads and nipple clamps.” I’d love to see the look on their face. 😉

A few months back I thought I’d try to entice Daddy into spanking me. I’m not going to say where I may have gotten the idea (cough) angel (cough cough).

So I hid a wooden spoon in the bedroom and later that evening I told him I had a new toy. I told him it was The Daddy Spanker. I tried to get a whack in but he was able to get it out of my hands right away. He was a bit playful and accused me of lying because no where did it say The Daddy Spanker on it. It did not however illicit the response I was hoping for.

I wasn’t giving up however and I had a plan. 😉 I went in search of a new spoon and found a very pretty one with butterflies on it. At home I got out the solder iron and burned into the handle “The Daddy Spanker”.

I put this in my drawer and waited for the right opportunity. Daddy couldn’t be in too bad of a mood or it wouldn’t work out right. A few months passed – HEY I DO have patience. 😉 Ok partly I forgot – out of sight out of mind. When I thought of it the timing just wasn’t right. It would come up in conversation though. I would tease about getting The Daddy Spanker and he would taunt that there was no such thing.

Then this week we had our Daddy date and we talked a lot. He said he loves my little and enjoys the playfulness. Then he said he liked some sass. 😀 Ding Ding Ding the timing was perfect.

That night I hid the spoon in an accessible spot and after the door was closed I made my move. Of course I did not even get one whack in. He had my wrist and had me pinned to the bed faster than I could move. He started calling me a liar again and I giggled and protested. “Look at it! Look at it! It DOES say The Daddy Spanker!” This time I did get the response I was looking for. I quit protesting as he smacked my ass with it.

He’s still calling me a liar. He said that wasn’t made to be used that way. Hey he asked for sass. 😉

Now if I could just find the damn thing again. He couldn’t have hidden it that well.