Join the movement

How to Tell if a Guy’s Not Feeling it Anymore

There’s nothing worse than the sinking feeling you get when the guy who used to be all up in your grill is suddenly fading away.

It could be that he’s “really busy with work” like he says, or it could be that he just realized you’re not as compatible as he thought, or he’s getting cold feet because he’s scared you’re looking for a relationship and he’s not.

This should be obvious, but sometimes you want to blame it on him being busy with work, or school, or his family. But chances are, if you have to convince yourself he’s not losing interest, he probably is losing interest.

“[A sign I’m losing interest is that I’m] not planning anything too far into the future,” said Reddit user MrOaiki. “When I’m in love, I like talking about what we’re doing later this year. When I’m not interested at all, I might not even talk about next weekend.”

Sure, it’s cool for the lady to make some plans every once in a while, if you’re into that sort of thing. But if he used to always text you about weekend plans or grabbing drinks, and suddenly he stops? Enter the danger zone.

2. He Stops Pretending To Care About Your Venting

The best thing about a first date with a guy who’s into you? You can talk about whatever you want and he acts like it’s the most interesting thing in the world.

Unfortunately, once the honeymoon period wears off, he might stop pretending to care.

“[A sign a guy’s losing interest is they’re] not acting like they care about your bull shit,” said Reddit user yoyoyo_its_me. “To clarify, everyone has their own bull shit, I only listen to the bullshit of people I care about. Friend, brother, sister, girlfriend, wife. I don’t like to hear about other people’s BS.”

Wow, he sounds like an amazing friend! But yeah, if a guy can’t even pretend to care what you’re saying, get out of there.

3. He Stops Taking Your Preferences Into Consideration

This is a big one to watch out for and it happens a lot. Maybe you used to take turns picking activities, or he used to take you to movies you liked and restaurants he knew you were into. But now, his idea of a “date” is going to see some exhibit he’s been talking about, or inviting you over to watch him finish his school project.

“Plans become more inconsiderate of the other person’s preferences,” said Reddit user admiralasprin. “Since I have to spend time with that person, I’d rather be doing an activity I really want to do. Not a compromise activity. Since I’m busy, this gives me a sense of achieving something (task I want to do) whilst evaluating whether this person is worth pursuing further.

“So, if we were doing mutually fun things or taking turns on activities in the past, but now they’re more me, me, me. That’s usually a bad sign.”

The whole thing of not committing to plans in case something better comes up plagues tons of young people, but if it’s starting to plague the guy you’re talking to, it means he’s not that into you.

“[A sign I’m losing interest is that] I don’t commit to plans,” said Reddit user bordumb. “If said person invites me to do something, I might tell them that a week in advance is too much and that we should ‘play it by ear’ or do things more spontaneously. I do this because I am most likely hoping I can find something or someone more interesting to spend time with.”

He’s not cute and spontaneous! He’s hoping someone better will invite him out instead!

5. Not Texting

There is no such thing as a bad texter, okay? He’s only a bad texter if he’s not obsessed with the girl he’s texting.

And if he used to be a “good texter” and now he’s not, it’s because he’s not into it anymore.

“[A sign I’m losing interest is] trying to end conversations instead of continuing them,” said Reddit user Thronedgorilla. “Lack of texting back. Generally distancing. The one I’m most guilty of is I’ll say I’m with the boys/family just to avoid them.”

If he responds to your paragraphs of text with “lol” or an emoji, literally please stop texting him.

6. Not Initiating Anything

I know it’s not very feminist to be aboard the “never text guys first” train, but it’s a surefire way to know if a guy’s into you or not. If you’re the one initiating everything, whether that be a text or a planned hangout, you’re never going to know if he’s really that into you.

And if he goes from initiating a lot of things to making you do all the work, he’s def not into it anymore.

“[I’m losing interest if] I don’t initiate anything with you [or] we only go out when you ask,” said Reddit user GollnirTheSexy. “I’m not texting back compared to what I was initially. If it takes me a couple weeks to get back to you and I’m not out of town or super busy or something, it’s probably because I don’t want to talk to you.”

7. If You’re Thinking About Him While Reading This

If you found this article by Googling “signs he’s losing interest,” you’re probably already done for.

“Aside from giant issues like catching him cheating, most things that you might see as red flags of him losing interest can also be explained as circumstantial,” said Reddit user ePants. “I’ve been accused of or asked if I was losing interest more times than I have actually lost interest, and it was almost always just from stress about work, family, or friends situations. There’s no legitimate litmus test; you just have to communicate.”

He’s right, everybody is different to an extent, but that doesn’t mean the above signs aren’t good indicators. Chances are, if you have a feeling he’s losing interest, he is. And if he’s not but you still feel that way, you need to work on your own insecurity issues, and maybe find a guy that worships you instead!

About The Author:
Ashley Uzer

Ashley Uzer is an East Coast girl who dreams of fried chicken and an endless supply of stilettos. Follow Ashley on Instagram and Twitter.

Share this post

Share This Post

Hi there! *taps on mic* We’re all familiar with sex *points at no one in particular* she gets it. Did you know that sex is a really fun thing that a lot of people enjoy? But you can’t have sex all the time, because then when would you eat, or watch “Viceland,” or read Galore

Share this post

Share This Post

Bawse Kitty is a lifestyle contributor who writes about sex, dating, being a woman, and more. This is her column, Kitty’s Korner. Throughout my blogging, I have taken many breaks, and have also gone through many streaks. Blogging is how I’ve gotten most of my following, and how I have been able to remain relatable to

Share this post

Share This Post

Bawse Kitty is a lifestyle contributor who writes about sex, dating, being a woman, and more. This is her column, Kitty’s Korner. When Drake dropped the video for “I’m Upset,” (aka “50/50”) it went viral on all social media platforms. I saw a few clips on Twitter, and recognized a few faces from a TV

Share this post

Share This Post

In honor of Mental Health Month (May), we sat down with Dr. Ayodola Adigun, an Adult Psychiatrist Resident at Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai, to talk about how to deal with the ever-difficult depression that can come after a break up. Dr. Ayodola Adigun will also be starting a fellowship in Child and