Q: My son’s wife died several years ago and he recently remarried a woman with three children (ages 6, 8 and 10). I have always wanted to be a grandmother. What is the best way for me to establish a relationship with my new step-grandchildren? I get the feeling they resent me.

A: You are in a difficult situation, but there is an enormous potential for positive change. The most important thing you can do right now is to not try and replace the children’s biological grandmother. Just try and be there for the children in a supportive manner. Listen to them. Don’t seek their approval. Respect their relationship with their natural grandmother and realize that they are also getting to know your son. Include them in activities. Eventually, you will find yourselves growing closer.

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I have two recent step grandchildren, aged 9 and 11. Recently, at a family dinner, I saw my grandson, aged 9, stop at a small table which held photos of my 7 grandkids. He sighed, and said, “Not yet.” I suddenly realized he was looking for his picture on that table. He was very pleased when, at his next visit, he and his sister were represented along with the other grandkids on my table. I’m so grateful I heard his desire for inclusion in his new extended family.