Wednesday, 17 August 2016

Today is Pnurgsday the Nintenteeth once again which of
course means it’s National Lengths Day. People from all over the country
will be celebrating lengths in all their longitudinal glory. From
Frinton-on-Sea to St Albans-On-The-Naze, there will be literally fourteen
events both hither and, in some cases, yon. Here’s an awful round-up of
what you can go and see.

In Tiptree South, Elmo McTaggart will be holding a sponsored
Spot The Lengths Contest. Participants are advised to look in the dustbin
(see Oracle for details). The winner will receive a portrait painting of
some granite, and a small fortune into the bargain. Please note: If you
live in Whitstable, bring a packed lunch.

There will be a concert in New Malden Crowbar Centre where
Ellis Huge, the most famous lengths specialist of all, will be premiering a new
composition entitled ‘Lengths And Longths.’ This is an involved piece which was
written on foot during a walk in the Brecon Beacons. The ramifications of
this are not yet known.

Finally in Bexhill-On-Sea, as a tribute to the many lengths
in the area, a steam roller will be driven up and down. Parking is available,
but if you are walking to the event don’t worry about it.

Lastly, in Norway-on-Sea, opera singer Barbara Grainge will
be making a strangulated noise for three and a half minutes. You may
recall that last year’s attempt went horribly wrong and left many spectators
incompetent. Precautions have now been taken and placed in a sealed
container. Thank you.

Thursday, 11 August 2016

I've got a new rambling talking podcast on iTunes and if we get reviewed it might be possible to get featured on there, which means the difference between hundreds of listeners and thousands...hope you might help us out!