I rented a bus. For me. And 30 people. And it was swanky. And it was nice.

Look at you. Bein all swanky and nice.

And then I filled it with friends.

Friends. Sometimes they glow in the dark. Friends.

Requesting the driver to take us anywhere and potentially…everywhere in the grand land of New York City.

When you get the chance, Joey.

Once on board, we…inspected the equipment.

Just doing our due diligence.

And once approved, were finally ready to roll the fuck out.

Shout out to the unidentified breeze on the bus that conveniently became available for this picture.

And that’s when it started. All of it. The batshit episodes that occurred on this batshit journey to kick start another year of absurd adventures—redefine my quarter life crisis as a quarter life AWESOME. And roll the fuck forth with the best company I could possibly find.

A “nature slut”, a distraught bear, a jerseyite who is exceptional at pointing and a tranquilized friend named Suley to name a few.

On our lengthy cruise around the big apple that evening, I made the hasty decision to stop in Times Square. Enthusiastic, joyous, and incredibly inebriated in my attempts to be photographed with the costumed locals and perhaps even score an autograph or 3.

What dreams are made of.

And then I saw him.

All of him.

All of him and his lustrous locks.

All of him and his lustrous locks that he was sporting with…a backpack and simultaneously…

“Can I…take a picture with you?” I said with romantic intentions and very limited motor skills.

“Yes…yes you can,” he said sweetly, “for $10…bitch.”

It was love.

For it.

But not for long.

After a lengthy sifting session through my bottomless purse, Chewie grew displeased with my collected 4 dimes, 3 pennies and a Macy’s coupon and told me that “I had my chance.” And now…”it was over. For realz.”

Chewie, please.

But alas, with a heavy heart, my friends dragged me back to the bus from the hairiest man that ever got away. Kind of like.

Get your shit together, Olive.

2. Spraying Mass Amounts Of Whip Cream Into The Face Of The Innocent

Indeed.

I was both a culprit AND a victim of this ruthless (yet, delicious) endeavor.

There I was.

Minding my own business.

Not at all entranced by the threesome that was going on in front of my very eyes…

The next thing I know, my sinless friend Bee was the first victim of his delicious attack. And the evidence is conveniently documented below:

“This is normal,” he said.

“You can trust me” he said.

“No one’s watching.” he reassured.

“No this won’t be on the blog.” he relayed.

Sucker.

3. Taking Sentimental PhotoBooth Pics With Close Friends And Then…Drunkenly Tweeting And Emailing Out A Complete Stranger’s Picture From The Booth Instead Using My Own Personal Accounts.

The picture taken:

Sentimental as shit.

…The picture that showed up in my inbox and twitter feed…that subsequently blasted out to all of my family and friends at 1 a.m that very night…

Good.

4. Breaking It The Fuck Down—Shamelessly

That’s right.

I lost it.

All.

Every New York City local knows they gamble their credibility if they by CHOICE frolick in Times Square.

And even worse?

Dance in it.

Alone.

Wildly guilty.

I call this move “Uncle Sam.”

5. Get A Sincere Spanking…From The Statue Of Liberty

That’s right.

Still heartbroken over my recent break up with Chewbacca, my friends attempted to lift my spirits in the most genuine of ways. They said they would find someone taller. Cleaner. Less hairy. More famous. And a little more…”adventurous,” if you will.

I will.

And that’s when we saw him.

The statue of fucking liberty.

The ultimate in selfies.

Losing vision in sheer excitement, the gang and I decided to snap an impromptu photo with my new main squeeze.

Go green.

But unfortunately the saying “My love don’t cost a thing” is a motto that is apparently J.Lo exclusive.

Because a mere $2 bribe from my friend Charlie later…

And the statue of liberty was suddenly bending over and spanking his ACTUAL interest of choice…

Things I did not see coming: This.

Actual footage of the bribe captured below for your enjoyment:

6. Snapping A Pic With Asian Tourists…Against Their Will.

Slightly racist.

But definitely happened.

The double chokehold. Nice.

7. Intimately Feeding Each Other…McChickens and Hot Dogs.

Diets going well.

And finally

8. Free Live Male Entertainment

And there you have it. 8 ways that I began to roll fucking tide into my 25th year of being a mildly sane and miraculously alive human being. Out of this world shoutout to the people who made it epic and (somehow) unforgettable. Charlie, Harper, Nicole, Kyle (both), Bee, Snell, Leah, Megan, Lexi,Suley, Alex (both), Asian Amy, Mario, Krissy, Jenn,Andrea, Britt, Katie (both), Tucker, Josh, Emily, Paul, Carolyn, Anthony, Socrates, Kip and Kalen.

[…] 3 storytelling events and 5 New Year’s Eve extravaganzas there, zoomed around Manhattan in a 30 person party bus there, walked through Central Park, the Chelsea High Line and Madison Square Garden at least 160 time […]