ECW on TNN by Chris Palacios

17.9.99

BLAH

Rhino and Jack Victory are exposing Tommy
Dreamer's injured back for a Steve Corino
chairshot when Raven runs into the ring...both
Raven and Dreamer hits simultaneous DDTs
and get the 3 count to retain the ECW World
tag titles. Talk about a match joined in progress,
we only got to see about 8 seconds of that
match.

Meanwhile, Cyrus announces that Sabu's ban
has been lifted, which leads to Sabu vs. Justin
Credible at the Anarchy Rulz PPV. Bill Alfonso
yells about paybacks being a bitch as Sabu
stands and allows the camera to get a closeup
of his scarred midsection.

After the show's opening graphics, Joey Styles
and Joel Gertner lead us back into the infamous
ECW Arena in south Philadelphia, where P.N.
News is heading to the ring wearing a Philadelphia
Phillies baseball jersey with the word "SUX" added
multiple times to it. P.N. does a rap about people
being from Philly being gay and the general
suckiness of Philly. A few "yo baby yo baby yo"
phrases are thrown out to almost no response
before Spike Dudley makes his way to the ring.
An early Dudley crossbody is caught by News and
turned into a slam, but News misses a twisting
senton off of the middle rope. Dudley hits a low
blow and the Acid Drop for the pin as Joel does
a quick rap about Joey hogging the microphone.

Wait a second...there's an ambulance outside of
the ECW Arena...and someone is in it!

We return to see the ambulance, but instead of
finding out who's inside, we join Yoshihiro Tajiri
and Super Crazy in progress. Tajiri is in control,
hitting a dropkick to Crazy's knee, a baseball
slide that sends Crazy to the floor, and an Asai
moonsault into the third row of ringside. Joel
revisits last week's "speaking Spanish" schtick by
calling Joey's mother fat, but Joey nips it in the
bud to an extent. Back in the ring, Tajiri misses
a missile dropkick, but soon afterward hits the
handspring elbow. Tajiri then uses his left arm
to hold Crazy's arms and his right arm to hold
Crazy's legs, then spins him around in a submission
hold I won't even try to name. Tajiri hits a nice
German suplex for a 2 count, dropkicks Crazy's
face, then attempts a brainbuster. Crazy reverses
the brainbuster and hits a spinning powerbomb out
of nowhere for the pin in a nice match.

Joel plugs the merchandise/web site/magazine/
house shows/Pez dispensers, then gives us Rob
Van Dam vs. Jerry Lynn, the contents of the
ambulance, and Raven's interview as reasons to
return after a commercial.

The show returns with Raven in the middle of
a playground late at night. The battle between
Raven and Dreamer was a 2 1/2 year epic that
got really personal when Tommy took Raven's
girl. (Cue extensive footage of House Party 1996,
where Beulah McGillicutty announces her pregnancy
at the hands of Tommy Dreamer. Put a phone
number in there too so people can buy the tape.)
Raven stresses the many times he pinned Dreamer,
then somehow manages an interview from January
of 1995 to pop up on our TVs. Raven is sitting
in a clasroom noting that Dreamer will not graduate
from Raven's course schedule while clips of Raven
pinning Dreamer in Tampa, Tokyo, and New York
City are shown. After the chalkboard gets some
camera time (with "I hate Dreamer" written over it),
it's back to the playground, where Raven says he
"gave" Dreamer the match in Philadelphia on the
last night Raven was in ECW. Without Raven in
ECW, Dreamer lost his focus and eventually lost
his girl (see footage of a fallen Beulah as a
handcuffed Dreamer screams in agony nearby).
Now, with Raven's return, Dreamer has someone
who has already been crucified for his sins. It
must be time for a commercial break, because even
the TV said so this time.

Back in the ECW Arena, Lance Storm and Dawn
Marie make their way to the ring. Ring announcer
Bob Artese announces that the following match is
for the World TV title, and Joey finally gets
confirmation that the guy in the ambulance is Jerry
Lynn, who was supposed to get the TV title shot
before Storm and Credible attacked him in an evil
way of getting on TNN. Joey is apologizing about
not delivering on the promised TV title match as
Rob Van Dam high-fives most of the front row.
Storm takes advantage of the situation by hitting
a plancha onto RVD, then whips RVD back into the
ring and hits a springboard missile dropkick. RVD
is later crotched on the top rope and takes a
chairshot while stuck in an uncomfortable position.
RVD quickly recovers and hits a leaping side kick
onto the chair, which Storm is conveniently holding.
Justin Credible then runs into the ring and starts
caning RVD, but Jerry Lynn and his bandaged ribs
come out to even the score. Unfortunately, Johnny
Smith joins the fray and tips the scale in favor of
the Impact Players (hey, Smith was trained in
Calgary, Alberta, Canada). Credible tosses out
his stupid tagline, Storm inserts his Canada part,
and the Impact Players, Dawn Marie, Johnny Smith,
and Jason celebrate as we head to commercial.

We return to the ring, where RVD invites Jerry Lynn
for the advertised TV title match...after all, the fans
who paid to see Rob Van Dam have to get their
money's worth. While Joey rants about delivering
on main events unlike WCW Monday Nitro, the
TV title match begins with the standard chain
wrestling leading into both men clotheslining each
other at the same time. RVD hits a spinning
legdrop for a 2 count, but Lynn recovers with a
crossbody block that sends both men outside the
ring. Lynn is dumped into the front row, but
takes the chair that was supposed to lead to the
Van Daminator and throws it into RVD's head.
A strange looking spot where both men are on
the guardrail and Lynn takes RVD's head down
into a chair just doesn't work well, but a nice
Van Daminator follows, sending Lynn back over
the rail. Back in the ring, Lynn moves from RVD's
tumbling senton, but RVD hits a kick before
missing somersault legdrop. RVD quickly recovers
and hits a NICE split-legged moonsault for a 2
count. RVD barely hits a missile dropkick, then
sets up Lynn for the monkey flip onto the chair,
only to take a sunset flip off of the middle rope
into a powerbomb onto the chair. Lynn follows
with a nasty German suplex for a 2 count. WIth
RVD standing in the corner, Lynn runs toward
RVD only to be backdropped. Lynn lands on the
apron and drags RVD to the opposite corner,
but RVD blocks the turnbuckle smash and
clotheslines Lynn off of the apron and through a
table at ringside. Lynn is selling the rib injury
while Joey Styles says that Joey muttered
something about stitches being opened up. ECW
officials come out and lead Lynn towards the
entranceway, where stretcher awaits. RVD and
Fonzie are in the ring applauding Lynn's efforts,
but Lynn decides to head back to the ring and
finish the match. RVD attempts his "backflip,
pick up a chair, and dropkick the chair into Lynn's
face" spot, but Lynn dropkicks the chair into RVD
instead. Lynn attempts his cradle piledriver finish,
but RVD backdrops Lynn and attempts a Northern
LIghts suplex, only to have Lynn counter with a
sweet DDT for a 2 count. RVD heads up top, but
Lynn crotches RVD and hits a top rope superplex.
Lynn sells his ribs for a few seconds before getting
a 2 count. Both men trade small packages, then
Lynn's rollup attempt backfires as RVD kicks Lynn
into a chair from Fonzie that should have looked
better than it did. RVD heads up top for the five
star frog splash, but Lynn moves and tries a quick
rollup, but only gets a 2 count. Van Dam then hits
the Van Daminator out of nowhere to get the pin.
The crowd was popping huge for the final minutes
of the match, which made the match that much
more enjoyable to watch. RVD and Lynn have
had better matches, but this one didn't stink either.
A seated RVD asks a fan if they got their money's
worth in a funny moment, then both combatants
shake hands in a show of respect. Jerry leaves
to a "Jerry" chant from the ECW Arena crowd.

Joel Gertner runs down the house show dates
before the TV literally tells us it's time for another
commercial break. Insert Anarchy Rulz PPV ad
and Hardcore Hotline plug here. (Bischoff out at
WCW...the war between ECW and WWF and so
much more on the hotline!)

Just a few minutes left in the show, so Joey and
Joel run down the Anarchy Rulz PPV card for
us. The card includes:

Rob Van Dam defending the World TV title
against Johnny Smith

Jerry Lynn facing Lance Storm

Yoshihiro Tajiri, Super Crazy, and Little Guido
in an extreme 3 way match

Sabu faces Justin Credible

Taz defends the World title against the returning
Masato Tanaka

Tommy Dreamer and Raven defend the World
tag titles against Steve Corino's mystery tag team

The show ends, and I end up with a ton of things
to ask. Who's Steve Corino, and why should I care
about his mystery tag team? Who's Little Guido?
Why should Johnny Smith impress me if I haven't
seen him on ECW TV before tonight?

ECW needs to focus on the rest of their roster
quickly if they expect ANYONE learning about ECW
via TNN to buy the pay per view broadcasts.

After all, you don't see Steve Austin vs. The Rock
on three of every four RAW IS WAR shows.