Teleseminar: June 24, 2013

Infidelity: After An Affair, Who Owns The Relationship?

June 24, 2013
noon-1pm PDT
or via recording

Celphone records, email passwords, intimate details of when and where—after an affair, does one person gain the right to whatever information they want? Does the unfaithful person have to leave the house if the angry party demands it? Who decides if the children get told—and what they’re told?

Although most therapists say they use a “systems approach,” it’s hard to maintain that perspective when we simply see a selfish betrayer and a heartbroken betrayed.

Supporting the dignity and humanity of both parties gives a couple the best chance to reconcile. The idea that the betrayer has to beg forgiveness and accept whatever relationship the betrayed demands is a disservice to both parties, and it typically leads to client dropouts or treatment failure. So we’ll cover topics including:

* Why are affairs so common? (hint: it’s not because all men are pigs)
* The typical belief that the betrayed acquires power as a result of being betrayed
* How much is sex an issue in most affairs? How can we treat desire discrepancies?
* How can we get couples to reconcile as partners rather than as adversaries?
* “That’s not infidelity, it’s just internet chat!”
* Drawing and maintaining boundaries around the wounded relationship
* The existential issues confronting both parties when there’s been an affair—and why it’s crucial to address these

You’ll learn fresh ways of looking at affairs, fidelity, and sexuality—so that you can better evaluate patients, sort out individual and relationship issues, and help people heal from the experiences of powerlessness, grief, rage, and damaged self-esteem that are common on both sides of betrayal.