Want to secede? Hope you succeed

March 9, 2013

Petitioners in every state want to secede. They love our country, but not the way we elect presidents.

I don't blame them.

Who wants a secret basketball-playing Muslim from Kenya, who wants to use the United Nations to impose sharia law, to win by fooling 65.9 million welfare-dependent socialists (and a few college-educated, wine-sipping, pot-smoking, gay-loving, women-libbing, live-and-let-live hippies) into supporting him?

Although the poseur — obviously only pretending to love his beautiful wife and daughters to pull his turban over our lying eyes about being an All-American family man — received 5 million more votes than his central-casting opponent — who garnered a familiar-sounding 47 percent, he lost the tumbleweed and square-footage battle.

I understand seceders' anguish. I have played many games in which our opponent won simply by scoring more points — with no regard to how much larger our sparsely populated stadium was, or how much harder we prayed during pre-game.

A simple solution would be to give secessionists a fenced-in section of Arizona desert — free from prickly government intrusions.

They would be unshackled from such Big-Brother meddling as public education, bank deposit guarantees, Social Security, mail deliveries, band-width regulations, safe food, water and medicine, police and military protection, criminal laws and the pesky justice system, highways, licensed doctors and nursing homes, air traffic controllers, firefighters, Downton Abbey…