Thursday, April 12, 2012

As you can imagine, these have been the hardest 6 weeks of our lives
but, in many ways this storm has given us the biggest blessings, too.

This
adoption has stretched us and refined us in pretty much every area of
our lives. First we had to give up our fears about finances. This was a
tough lesson because money is kind of big and overwhelming for me and if
I can get away without thinking about it I will. After a good amount of
freaking out we realized that none of what we have was ours to begin
with and whatever the Lord was asking for well, He could have it as it
belongs to Him, not us.

Next the Lord took on what I like to call
"Adoption As An Idol". We love kids, we just do, we are crazy about
them. We also love cats & dogs & turtles & tadpoles &
anything little that seems to need a home. Some people call us kind,
some people call us suckers but that is just how we are put together.
So, of course, we headed down this road because we felt called to give a
home and a family to kids that didn't have one. Naturally, our goal was
(is) to bring our kids home at the end of this crazy journey and that
is a goal that we still hope to fulfill. However, along the way we have
found out that really isn't the final goal. The final goal is to let our
lives bring glory to God. If that means raising these kids we are super
excited about it, but even if that never happens, we will follow this
path because that is where God has put us. Whatever brings glory to Him
is our goal. We want to bring these sweet kiddos home more than
anything. We love them. They deserve a family. But whatever story the
Lord is writing for us is our story and we are
privileged to be used in whatever way God sees fit.

After going
to Uganda, spending an emotional month with the kids & returning
home without them, I (wistfully) imagined that maybe all this refining
stuff was done and that we could move on to life applications of all
these handy lessons we had learned. Surprise! Apparently lesson time had
not completely come to a close. Our final (so far) lesson has been a
hard one for me. In some ways harder than the other two but, ultimately,
sweeter as well. I imagined after we returned from Uganda, dragging
along our broken hearts and broken spirits, that there would be a sort
of rallying of the troops. That faithful friends from far and near would
gather around while we nursed our wounds and help us navigate what has
been the most painful part of the journey so far. But, for whatever
reason, that just didn't happen. People I expected to lean heavily on
just fell away. The phone didn't ring. The messages
didn't come. No one popped by with casseroles and hugs. We were just
sort of utterly...alone. Except that we weren't. At first I was hurt and
then I was angry and then I stopped. I just listened for that still
small voice. Guess what? It was still there. Even when I could count on a
couple of fingers the people that I could count on, God had not
abandoned us.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't think there was
anything intentional or malevolent about the falling away of folks we
counted on and I don't want a bunch of you wondering if I am pointing a
finger at you. Trust me. I am not. I just think the season had come for
us to learn where we need to place our faith. Which is not in family.
Not in friends. Not in ministers or church families or co-workers or
anyone else. We needed to learn that our faith is only and should only
be placed at the feet of the King of Kings.

So, at this point we
give it all - willingly - to the Lord. Our
treasures. Our children. Our lives. This has been so hard. So many
tears have been shed. I have been angry. I have been hurt. I have been
confused. And through everyone one of my storms, He has been faithful.
He has been there waiting with open arms to meet me where I am. To
paraphrase C.S. Lewis "Is He safe? No, but He is good".

There has
been nothing safe about our journey. There has been nothing predictable
or smooth or easy. But if He asked me tomorrow to start down this
road again - knowing what lay ahead - I would. I trust Him that much.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Do
some of you remember Esther? Not our Esther, but a sweet girl in Uganda
who thought she had a family coming for her? Well, she needs a family
again so could you share the heck out of this? Also, if you feel led and
are able, there is an adoption fund to help the family that is ready to
welcome Esther home:

I believe there is a family for every child. I believe there is a family for Esther.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

I don't have any time to post as we leave in ONE WEEK - eeek! But I would really, really love for you to take the time to stop by Moments With Love. My friend Lovelyn will be in Uganda at the same time as us helping put a well in a village with no access to clean water (because she is just awesome like that!) but she will also be taking undies to an amazing ministry calledEkisa that cares for some of the most vulnerable orphaned and abandoned children in Uganda. Can you donate $2 for a pair of undies for one of these sweethearts? Please stop by Love's blog and make a donation if you can. I know I will. I think I will donate a pair of undies for all 6 little hiney's that will soon be wiggling around our house. Here is the link:

Friday, January 6, 2012

It is with pure joy (and a good dose of freaking out!) that I get to share the news that, after over 20 months, we have been given a court date! We need to be in Kampala a few days before our court date which is February 9th! That leaves us only about 4 weeks to plan our trip!! I like to think I work well under pressure & now I get to find out ;)

In 4 weeks we will gaze into those big brown eyes, touch their little faces, hold their sweet hands & generally love the heck out of them! I don't think I can really compose my thoughts enough to write much more today so I am going to let Shakira wiggle around and show you pretty much how my heart feels today!

As always, thank you for your love, for your support, for your prayers...we couldn't have walked this road alone!

Monday, December 12, 2011

I am just going to be honest...I am struggling right now. We have been filed with the courts for over a month & we have no court date in sight. Baby Z's 1st birthday is coming up in just over a week, we won't celebrate it with her. They are not coming home for Christmas. They are not coming home this year. I feel every day of this 20 month journey & I am tired. My heart is trying to straddle 2 continents right now and not handling it particularly well. We didn't sign up for a 2 year journey, we didn't choose to watch them get older in pictures instead of in our arms. I am clinging to these verses in Isaiah right now:

The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles;they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

I am clinging to those verses like a life raft because I have grown faint. I have grown weary. I have fallen, exhausted. I cringe when people ask me if there is any news. I am crestfallen when they don't ask if there is any news. In short, I am kind of a mess. I am putting on a brave face, I think, we had Hattie's "Adventure Time" birthday party yesterday and I wish I could have captured the pure joy on her sweet face. We are opening Advent Calendars, wrapping gifts, doing service projects, ringing bells for Salvation Army, helping out with the Angel Tree, collecting food for missions & food pantries, taking cookies to those who have to work on Christmas, singing Christmas carols at the hospital but when I am alone, usually in the car, I cry. Hard. Those tears are always just under the surface. I don't cry in front of the girls because I know that crying doesn't do a darn bit of good. I don't cry in front of Mike because my sweet fella has a tender heart & doesn't do very well when I am sad. But I do cry, mostly because I don't know what else to do. There are no more forms to fill out or things to get notarized or errands to run. This is all out of my hands (as if it were ever in my hands in the first place...) & I have to wait upon the Lord & know that He will increase my strength, that I will mount up with wings like Eagles (hoping those eagle wings say "KLM Airlines" on them!), that He will provide me with the strength to continue down this road which is so much longer and so much tougher than I ever thought it would be.

If this journey has taught me one thing (and it has taught me many more than that) it is letting go. Letting go of fears. Letting go of timelines. Letting go of control. Letting go of friends. Letting go of idols...

So today I am letting go of Z's 1st birthday. I am letting go of 6 stockings & 6 sweet faces this Christmas. I am letting go and giving it to God where I know it will be in such good and such caring hands. I vow to cherish these sweet Christmas-y days with my beautiful girls. I vow to celebrate Z's birthday with true joy in my heart because that is what she deserves. I will pray for B (Lord knows he needs prayer...he is going to have 5 sisters!) and ask that his heart be prepared for the big changes in his little life. I will ring bells and pack Angel Tree bags and remember the beauty of this season and give the rest of it to God because that is where it belongs.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

So...here is the next big thing we have going on for our adoption. My sweet mom has generously donated these quilts she made to help us raise funds for our adoption!! Thank you, Mimmy! Now, if you know my mom, you know the things she makes are pretty amazing. These quilts are no exception. So here is how it works: