Holidays can trigger memories of loved ones

Although the sounds of Christmas carols and the smell of roasted turkey bring joy and cheer, the holiday season is often a difficult time for someone dealing with the loss of a loved one. Whether a recent or past loss, the holidays can be layered with emotions of grief and sadness.

The constant parties, gatherings and events may be overwhelming, and it is important for a person dealing with grief to be aware of his emotions.

First, you should plan for what is going to be a struggle for you during the season. Seeing the ornament your grandfather gave you or hearing your mother's favorite song can trigger strong emotions and memories. Knowing these triggers can help you plan on how you are going to handle your grief.

When you have figured out your memory triggers, surround yourself with a strong support team. Deliberately schedule time with people who understand what you are going through. Communicate with them about what you need. Be honest and explain that you aren't quite “holly jolly” this year and not to be offended if you leave the party early or do not attend at all.

At the times you're feeling low, be sure to make time to find your own peace. Praying, reading inspirational messages and meditating at the beach are all great ways to help you regain hope and continue to move forward.

Down the road, when you're ready, decide what traditions you want to continue in honor of that special someone. Maybe you'll make potato latkes using your grandmother's recipe or go to your dad's favorite restaurant. It is necessary to protect yourself from the rawness of grief, but it is just as important to continue that person's legacy and presence in your family.

Even though you may not be dealing with grief, remember that although this is a festive time, it is a hard time for those dealing with loss. Don't assume that everyone is going to be joyful. Be aware of the emotions of those around you, respect their grief and support them during this time.

No matter whom you've lost and when you lost them, the holidays bring back memories of those you love that are no longer with you. Know that grief is normal during the holidays. Be mindful of what may trigger your emotions, surround yourself with encouraging and supportive people and re-create your holiday traditions to honor your loved one's legacy.

– The Rev. Sheryl Faulk is director of spiritual care at Long Beach Memorial, Miller Children's Hospital Long Beach and Community Hospital Long Beach.