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Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Are YOU Embarrassing Your Children? Try harder!

As you advance through the various stages of your parenting life, you will find it is not only important but critical that you learn to properly embarrass your children. Teenage children are in special need of this sort of treatment. Why? Well, it's simple. Your teenager will most likely do everything in their power to keep you on edge for a minimum of 4 years. If you don't start embarrassing them now, they will never quite understand what they've done to you. I also find that it gives my kids a little something to look back on as an example of what they will NEVER do to their children.

If you're wondering how to go about this, I am going to give you a few ideas. Feel free to try these at home or maybe even in public. Spice them up and make them your own!

1. A few weeks ago, prior to leaving for an outing with my friends, I spotted my daughter sitting on the neighbor's deck. The neighbors are all approximately 19-21 years of age. I don't want to be a grandmother any time soon. I felt it best to go ahead and let her know before I left. Strutting over to the deck rail, I smiled my best 'Mommy Loves You' smile and said... "Don't have unprotected sex in the back yard... or anywhere else... either of you". See how I did that? I embarrassed her... and her 19 y/o friend. I would tell his mother "You're welcome" if I knew her.

2. Wear costumes around the house. This is particularly amusing if your child brings friends over from time to time. If you have young children, this just makes you cool. You will want to wait until your children learn that other people judge them based on your actions. What 5 year old doesn't want a mom that's a super hero right? Inversely, 17 year old kids don't think it's neato. Use this to your advantage. I will remind you though that your naughty time costumes are not appropriate for this exercise. Stick to things that are R rated at worst. Perhaps a nice ghoul costume no where near the Halloween season?

3. Remind your children (in front of others) of things they should know to do. My favorite is, " Don't forget to wipe."

4. Yell things from another room. Remember when your precious child was a tot and would yell things from the bathroom like, "I POOPED"? This would be a fun time to pull that gem out of the memory bank, right? I also think simple things like shouting down the aisle at the grocery store, "How many rolls of toilet paper did you say you go through in a week?!" will get the job done.

5. Beg your child to hold you. This one I managed to accomplish without even trying. A few years ago when my company was going through some major cut backs I found out some staff cuts were made while I was on vacation. The impression that I got was that I was also cut and just hadn't been notified yet. With the help of some dear friends, much alcohol was consumed. A few hours later, as I lay on the sofa suffering the worst Captain and Coke reaction EVER, I began to cry softly and beg my daughter to "come hold me. I'm so cold. Turn up the heat. I'm sooooo colllllllld." Her boyfriend at the time found it amusing. She did not. Looking back on various descriptions of that nights events I find it amusing too. She still does not. WINNING!

2 comments:

I am with you, all for embarrasing my teens. My mom did it to me when she showed up to back-to-school night in 11th grade wearing that 70's poop orange blazer and horrible knee high boots. Worst thing was, as SOON as I graduated high school, she started dressing cool. She SOOO did that on purpose! It's a legacy not to be broken..I embarrass whenever I have the opportunity. I LOVE the roll of the eyes and the exasperated "Moooom!" It makes me smile.

About Me

I write but not for money... that is unless you want to pay me. I specialize in snarky observations and cynical yet hopeful romanticism. I am currently writing a DIY book on how to derail your own life. I have a follow up instructional guide on how to relate to all the wrong men for women who weren't able to completely derail their lives with book one. Look for my work at Barnes and Borders.