The Grammy Dress Code Is Hilarious

There is a time in every parent's life when their daughter wants to go out scantily clad, and the parent has to grunt, "Nope." The alternative, of course, is to be proactive and write out a set of rules that the child must abide—but it's difficult to talk about sexual organs in a way that doesn't end up reading as excruciatingly awkward. But for this year's Grammys, CBS tried the latter option. And good lord, let it be a lesson. Here's the breakdown of the memo Deadline Hollywood leaked (our italics):

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Buttocks:

• "Thong type costumes are problematic."

• "Avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack."

Breasts (ambiguous):

• "Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic."

Genitals (ambiguous):

• "Adequately covered so that there is no visible 'puffy' bare skin exposure."

Also, no obscenity—full or partial, in English or another language—or any words or accessories advocating for an "organized cause." (Though it does seem America or any nation would technically be an organized cause. As would breast cancer or AIDS awareness.)

But the real reason likely stems from June's Supreme Court ruling that the FCC must give advance warning to broadcasters about what's fair and isn't fair. It obviously gave CBS such a talking to about what it expects to not see. And so now, likewise we're giving you fair warning that you probably won't be seeing any "female breast nipples."