Chris Brown: Hours after he proclaimed he’s “not a monster” in a YouTube video, news broke that he’s been slapped with a lawsuit by a photog who claims Brown’s bodyguard beat him up. We’d say the hits just keep on coming, but that would just be a really bad pun.

PEOPLE: Put together a handy–but short–guide to some of the celebrity deejays out there. Kind of cool.

American Idol: Has there been a bigger upset in Idol history? We think not. And we totally blame all the pre-finale hoopla around Adam Lambert for his loss. The hype totally backfired on him!

Kanye West: Used his blog to declare “Justin is the new Mike, Beyonce’s the new Tina Turner [and] GaGa’s Madonna.” Kind of little soon to be making grand statements like that, no? Then again, this is Kanye West so…

Pete Wentz: Peeved at Gawker for including him, Ashlee Simpson and son Bronx, in their Stalker column. The result? “Hate mail” sent to Gawker on his behalf gives them another opportunity to make fun of him. Good work, Pete. But we suppose this tweet was Pete’s way of firing back again. To be continued?

Natalie Cole: The singer, who suffers from hepatitis C, had a kidney transplant this week. What would we do without organ donors?

90210: If we dislike the new show show so much, how come we get chills every time we see a promo for its January return?

The CW: Notoriously shut out from awards, just like its predecessor The WB. So Kristin over at E! Online is holding her own CW-only awards. Pretty cute.

TV Guide: We don’t get this AT ALL. TV Guide the magazine and TVGuide.com the web site are now owned by different companies. So one of our favorite writers, Matt Roush, will no longer be on the site. WTF?

Eminem: Denying reports that his new album will include a follow-up to one of our favorite songs, Stan.

Tommy Hilfiger: Reportedly got married last night. Most interesting to us: he gave his fiance an 8.2 carat engagement ring! So how sparkly is the wedding band?!

American Idol: If they cancel their hugeeeeeee charity event, Idol Gives Back, will they lose credibility? Or will people understand given the economy?

Economy: Who has a clever name for the current recession/depression/doomsday? The New York Times are looking for it!

Gawker: Can now comment on their blog through your Facebook accounts. Kudos actually goes to FB, we think.

Rod Blagojevich: Deleted his Facebook account after his arrest–but not before getting slammed with insults from other users.

Rod Balgojevich Pt. 2: The Chicago Tribune has a pretty funny animation based on the governor’s profanity-laded conversations.

John Ritter: Got a really good tribute on last night’s Family Entertainment Awards, 5 years after his death.

SIZZLED OUT: Jonathan Safran Foer (schadenfoer!)

STILL SIZZLING: This musician says he wants to follow in Justin Timberlake’s footsteps. With his own hit song last summer and writing a hit for another new star, we don’t think he’ll have any problem finding more success.

Obama: Is it offensive to rewrite The Jefferson’s theme song with the new first family in mind? An elementary school principal in Tennessee is taking a lot of heat for doing just that. To be fair, the song is pretty catchy.

Obama Pt. 2: Inauguration plans are already underway. Not known yet is which music superstars will get to perform but E!Online is already rounding up the troops. (No, not those troops.)

NBC: Developing a new show called Making Friends With Black People. Yeah, cause that isn’t offensive at all.

Lipstick Jungle: Brooke Shields wasn’t lying! NBC either never canceled the show at all or, at the very least, is giving it another chance. Take two, everyone!

South Park: The show isn’t ending til 2011 but we already know the format: another full-length movie. Lucky us. Or not.

Dreamgirls: Embarking on a tour sans the famous names that made it such a success. Broadway could be next.

Forbes: Okay, they’ve officially taken their most influential lists too far. Most Influential (celebrity) Infants is just so not necessary. But, for the record, the adorable Shiloh Jolie-Pitt took the top spot.

The Roots: They’ll be the house band when Jimmy Fallon takes over The Late Show. Guess that’s more interesting than a band plucked from nowhere.

Miley Cyrus: Says she can’t predict the future (no, really??) but wants Hannah Montana to continue “as long as it can.” How much is Disney paying her to say that?

Cars 2: It’s coming but, sadly, without the late Paul Newman. We’ll see Doc Hudson again, though the creators still haven’t figured out how.

Meh: It’s one of our favorite go-to words and now it’s officially in the dictionary. And, by the way, you can thank The Simpsons for that. Or just, you know, go meh.

Fall TV: If by some chance you actually liked one of the canceled shows, this handy list suggests alternatives that don’t actually suck.

Facebook: How far is too far? In a new interview (conducted over instant message!), Mark Zuckerberg says he dreams of a day where the social networking site is even more personal than it currently is. We thought that already happened. It’s called The Patriot Act.

Variety: Is it really Oscar season if there’s no campaigning? What, you didn’t know the studios actually shell out tons of cash for ads to sway the Academy’s votes? They do. (Just like real politics!) But not anymore. Dun dun dunnnnnnnnn.

Journalism: So there’s no future in magazines. And now the blogging future is looking bleak, too. Good thing we gave up yesterday.

SIZZLED OUT: Mark Cuban

STILL SIZZLING: Riding the wave of superhero flicks, X-Men: First Class will be written by this wunderkind who is best known to teen girls.

Look familiar? You just saw it reimagined (aka poorly copied) on last night's OTH.

Gossip Girl: Last night’s ep was the second with Wallace Shawn, known to most of us as the teacher from Clueless. He seems out of place, but then again, that is precisely the point.

Gossip Girl Pt. 2: Nate turned his father in to the Feds. How original. Oh wait. Dawson’s Creek did that back in 19-freakin-99!

One Tree Hill: Speaking of biting off of a original (and arguably better) teen drama, did Chad Michael Murray seriously pen a scene that was a direct copy of Toni’s death in Dylan’s arms (in the rain, no less!) on 90210? And that was from 1996, people! We don’t care what they say: imitation is NOT the sincerest form of flattery!

Obama: Gave 60 Minutes its best ratings in 9 years. So when will the attraction begin to fade?

Heather Locklear: Officially charged with DUI–a misdemeanor. No word yet on the possible reprecussions if found guilty.

Cloris Leachman: We told you that an 82-year-old on DWTS wasn’t a good thing! The former contestant was in the hospital recently for a “bad cold.” Is that what they’re calling it these days?

SIZZLED OUT: Ashlee Simpson

STILL SIZZLING: This tough guy is accused of pulling a Martha! Or so the government says. The former DWTS contestant–and current owner of the Dallas Mavericks–has been charged with insider trading. He plans to let justice “do its job,” whatever that means.