Count the Bad Mommies

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Letter to the Future Sanity-Breaker

Dear Isobel,

I thought it would be important to instill a few important thoughts on this, the day of your (first) engagement. I'm actually writing this three minutes after you've fallen asleep on the evening of your 599th day, but that I fell into a heap of exhaustive, head-shaking sighs shows me that you are my twin. At least, according to my mother.

And this means something rather important. Ready for the secret? If you are my little girl to the same degree that I was my mother's - wherein in ten years I'll be able to predict your actions based on what I would do, but would still be surprised by whatever it was I predicted - then the following applies...

You will mess up men.

You will take a boy, say, a calm, quiet, laid-back folksy musician and turn him into an anger ball. You will be drawn to the bad boys and then will spend your relationships telling them why they're not good enough. Worse still, these boys will end up resenting those things about you, on drugs for varying levels of anxiety and depression (but who isn't?) and still sort of wrapped around your finger.

Yeah, I know, sounds harsh, but it's been my life to this point.

So what I want to tell you, what I think you should ponder before taking any further steps - even just to the bathroom - is that you will not be happy for this talent. You may occasionally smile a wicked grin about the power, you may feel loved or worshiped, even, but it's not truthful. If you lead your life this way, you will end up feeling like little more than a bully.

On that note, I encourage you to rethink this engagement. Not because what's their face isn't the greatest boy (or girl) in the world, but because you might not actually want to be married to him (or her) for any amount of time, really, never mind for life. Consider whether you're possibly looking for the high that co-dependence provides, the passion of a hard-core fight (and the making up, afterward), and or to just not look for anything any more - for stability.

None of those are the right reasons to get married. I know, I've been engaged twice and married none.

You know that I'll support anything you want to do, if it makes you truly happy. But you also know that I will be the first person to suggest that you're full of bullshit, if you are. Call it tough love, but I call it integrity. Because I'd rather you think of me as a harsh, meddling critic than your future.