Tuesday, 30 April 2013

for IBOT! (because I couldn't think of another title!)

So when considering a topic for this weeks IBOT I couldn't go past discussing a little event that happened over the weekend.....

(*insert side note/disclaimer here - if you know me in "real" life and read this and wonder if I am talking about you, then I probably am but it doesn't mean I love you any less!*)

On Saturday I ventured out to the Mummy Tree Markets- now given the title of said markets I should have gathered that 90% of the stalls would be in fact aimed at Mummies, of which I am not! There was some absolutely beautiful things there and I did still manage to spend some money on some gorgeous jewellery and drool over some wallets and the new Tupperware modular mates with pink lids.....anyway I digress....

There I was with my friend (who is a Mummy so I pushed the pram every chance I got and attempted to claim Clayton's Mummy status! lol) and we were wandering around when all over a sudden BAM! a voice from my past is calling my name... I turn to see a girl I worked with some years ago behind me, rocking a baby in her arms.. So we do the obligatory "How are you?" "What are you up to these days?" "Who's this little fella?" etc etc... and then she asked that question that I just dread in these situations....

"So is there anyone special in your life or are you still single?"

Wish I knew this off by heart so I could recite it to her!

It is at this point that I have one of those visions that you see on TV shows like Offspring where I start going completely nutso, take her baby off her and give it to the nearest person while I crash tackle her to the ground!! (slightly overreacting much??)...

But instead I say "No no, still just me" to which she responds "awwww Zita, what are you doing?" in this really weird "you are so pathetic" tone....

How do I respond to this? What am I doing??? What am I doing???? Like I must be doing something wrong??? What does this even mean!! So I just shrugged....and then she launched into the....

"oh don't give up, you'll meet someone"

"it'll happen when you least expect it""I'm sure he's just around the corner"

"one day you'll be making plans and then all of a sudden you'll meet someone and the next thing you know you'll have a ring on your finger"

I mean serioulsy how many of these bloody cliches could she have thrown into a 5 minute conversation! Have I mentioned how much I hate these phrases.... Every time someone says to me in that tone "You'll meet someone one day"....I want to reply with "Sorry I didn't realise you were freakin psychic!"

The way I figure it there are only 2 things that are certain in life....

So when people say things like "There's no way you will be single forever you are too amazing" or "There's no way someone like you will be single forever" part of me wants to hug them and thank them for being such an amazing friend and seeing the good in me but then the other part just wants to tell them where to go!

I think the question that I hate the most is...

"Why are you still single?"

Yep people actually ask that like I know the answer.... I usually respond with "Well if I knew the answer to that I wouldn't be single!" but the real answer is.....

hehehehehehe.....

Another one I just *love* is...

"you must be too fussy!"

Like I've got them lining up at the door every day and I am turning them away because they are wearing a green shirt instead of a blue one!!! My usual response to laugh this one of is "I don't think expecting them to be breathing is being too fussy!"

Let's get real here..... there are people in this world who go through their whole lives without meeting the love of their life, it's a fact! There are people who never marry and live alone all their lives. I'm not going to say that is me because I do like to think that there is still time and I try and be positive as much as possible but I am not going to say it isn't going to be me either because despite what anyone says, no one can guarantee I will meet someone...and you know what.... I will be OK!

The sun will still rise tomorrow....

Having a husband and a family is definitely, absolutely, not gonna lie, something that I want and I am not ashamed to admit that I have cried into my wine glass on more than one occasion because I don't yet have it.....but I know it's not necessarily something I need.... being single for as long as I have been has certainly taught me a lot about myself, the main point being that I am a strong independent woman who can take care of herself and do what needs to be done! (most of the time, and if I can't I can pay someone to do it for me or I am lucky enough to have so many wonderful friends married to wonderful men who can do it for me!)

I love these pics!! LOL....

I am proud of who I am and what I have achieved in my life....would I trade it tomorrow for the love of my life....you betcha! But in the meantime I am focused on being the best me I can be!

21 comments:

Ayeayeyii! I can't believe people still say that! Or ask??? My SIL asked a visitor from Italy why he wasn't married and he said "I was, but she left me after 2 years". Why would you say that to a complete stranger??? (The SIL, not the answer).Mind you, I know someone who did IVF 10 times before giving up (and then had 3 kids) and she asks people why they don't have children??!!Me, I'm a need to know gal - I figure people will tell me what they want to, and the rest I don't need to know.

Oh god - you're bringing back unpleasant memories. I married late (age 37). When friends/relatives spouted cliches like "it will happen when you least expect it" or that I was being "too fussy" it drove me mental. To be truthful I didn't just see a stranger on some enchanted evening. I decided I wanted a relationship and I went out there and actively looked. Conventional wisdom says you'll find it when you're not looking. I call BS - sometimes you have to make it happen. So it was hello RSVP - 5 months, 12 dates later I found an absolute gem of a husband.

I don't understand why people ask those questions - it really doesn't have anything to do with them !!!To be honest, I think it is better to be single and happy than in a relationship that isn't working just so that you can say you are in a relationship.Have the best week !Me

Oh that is awful!! What is wrong with people??Boatman and I met through my now BIL, who was interested in my sister at the time. Nothing spectacular about it, it just happened.I would love to say something really encouraging here, but everything is coming out cheesy so I won't say anything at all, except that I love you haven't given up. I hope you're not waiting too long xxx

I think being the best you you can be is far more important than being partnered up and not knowing who you are or what you want. My husband and I met online (as did several of my closest friend couples!) back in 2003. It was relatively new - online dating sites back then, i think. It's far more important to be with the right one, rather than the "Right for now" one. I always get "when are you having another baby?" or "Why do you only have one child?" question more than I care to answer, and sometimes ask if they'd like to pay for IVF for us. People should really learn to mind their own business. ox Aroha

Well I arrived home one night and found my hubby to be sitting on my lounge browsing through my Far Side book. He worked with my flatmate and she had invited him home for dinner. We were both dating other people at the time and I think I should probably turn this into a blog post. lol

Be thankful you aren't one of those people who are completely unaware of how their words hurt others. I can remember the pain of so desperately wanting to meet "the guy" and settle down. I had break up after break up and was devastated for a few years back there. You've heard it a million times, but BELIEVING you are amazing and worth the love of an amazing man will take you far. You have to hang on to that self worth. Also, you can meet people anywhere - so don't give up an opportunity to get out n about :-) Wishing you all the best - your love is out there trying to find you, too! Katie from Mumabytes xo

As somebody who's been married for a long time I can say that on good days it's great, like having my coat of armour against the world because I don't care about what some random person thinks of me when I've got my family to come home to. On other days, however I wish they would all just go away because I am ACHING for alone time. So yeah, being married has a good and bad side, the same as being single. I also started dating my husband at age 22, which I now look back 20 years later and think was frightfully young and I have never travelled overseas, so you have all those experiences that I'll possibly never have. Sigh

Anyway, sounds like you have the right attitude and I'm sorry you have to put up with patronising comments like that. xo

LOL love the final PicWhy oh why do we still live in a society which thinks that the only path to completion is to have a designated Someone by our side. Why can't you be single because you are happy that way (without the condescending "You don't know what you're missing" stare)Being married & having the family is good, but it isn't perfect either. There are negatives to both sides. I've been married 20 yrs, have 4 kids and sometimes all I can think is "When are you going to get out of my face and give me some space" I miss being independent, I never got to just please myself (Married by 20). I can't imagine the freedom of only having myself to base my choices on. I know it doesn't count for much but I truly believe you are exactly where you are supposed to be right this second. It doesn't matter what other people are doing.xxx

I love your last comment - that you are concentrating on being the best you that you can be. You may not be able to control whether you do find true love or not but you can control what you choose to do in life and the sort of person you choose to be. I really do like this post Zita - go you and tell them all to mind their own business!

You know, when I was single - which was for a long, long time while friends all round me had relationship after relationship - I used to think that people in relationships just had sex ALL THE TIME. Like, if I asked them what they did on the weekend and they said they just hung around the house, I assumed that was code for "We had crazy monkey sex the whole weekend".

Ahem. Just another case of the grass being a completely different colour on the other side.