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DEN CERE'S 0ER INFIELD, HER.
'OUTFIEUO1 A UTILITY MAN
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NEW YORK GETS THERE FIRST
Lord Exmouth relates: "On the
voyage over, a German said to me,
"The last time I visited New York
there were card sharps on the boat,
and I was cleaned out of $1,000 in a
crooked poker game.'
" 'Indeed!' I said. 'And was this?
I asked, 'on the voyage to or from
New York?'
"The German gave me that look
of scorn which we always give green
horns. '"The voyage to New .York, of
course,' he sneered. 'Imagine any vis
itor leaving New York with money to
lose!'"
THE DISTINCTION
"Thirty cents a word for this
stuff!" exclaimed the editor. "I
wouldn't think of it."
"Sir, I am a famous author."
"That's just it. You are a famous
author, not a famous p'ugilist or a
successful baseball or football play
er." Washington Herald.
POETIC JUSTICE
Little things can be very trying at
times, especially when they happen
to you. Mr. Fry thought something
like this when one Tvet morning he
could not find his umbrella. Like
most married men, he believed in the
maxim, "When in trouble, blame your
wife."
"I say, Mary," he shouted, "what
on earth Jias happened to my new
umbrella? I brought it home last
night, and now it's gone, and, of
course, it's raining like mad!"
"Why, it's hardly raining at all!"
said Mary. "But last night it waa
simply pouring when the minister
left, and so I lent iiim your um
brella!" "What a silly thing to do! I shall
never see it again now, so I may as
well buy another today!"
"How can you be so wicked, Per
cival? As if the minister would stoop
to stealing your umbrella!"
"Stoop to stealing it be hanged!
I borrowed it from him a couple of
months ago.
FAIR
"I think, William, I'll ask those new
people next door to take dinner with
us tonight."
"What for?"
"Well, the butcher, by mistake, left
their meat order here and it seems
only fair." Life.
0 o
EXCUSED
Gentleman (in theater, who for
fourth time has wormed himself out
from the middle of the row) Lady,
I am sorry to disturb you so often.
Lady That's, all right, sir. My
husband owns the saloon next door.
Columbia Jester.
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THEY DID '
Ocean Voyager Don't the passen
gers make you tired with the ques
tions they ask?
Captain Yes, very. What else is it
you want to know? Philadelphia'
Bulletin.
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