Ēloquī: Rantings by the Neighborhood Succubus

Sunday, August 5, 2012

An irritation...less than that...a grain of sand that fancies itself a pearl...I wrack my memory for an instant that could result in such a bafflement...finding nothing...do I take my show on the road? I hear Maury Povich does this sort of thing? Who's your baby-dady? Who's the demon daddy??

Monday, April 23, 2012

I do not know what has come over me. A certain...dismal hatred of the breeding masses? Some human empathy grown inflamed and so diseased of pale, infirm, desultory rejection of that which pains me? Man, his utter vomitus of motive and deceit?
Of Conceit?
I find I cannot leave my halls.
My skrying bowl, wet, limpid of truth, placid of meaning. Yet it means nothing. Only a clear, uninhibited view from a cliff face upon nothing so much as empty distance and empty density.
The vacuousness of a vat of being. So much fat and plasma and existence as seen through a lens of time and space. No substance, no more than needs be to declaim the existence of a meteor shower in the path of a dead planet. What does it all mean? Nothing! Shapes and density and distance and physics all too surreal and scientific to effect an atom of emotion, a quantum of intelligent query, a sigma of serendipity, such that any living thing might feel the force of another living thing and recognize it as something more than an irritation...if not as a bane of its very existence. Certainly as rough but far more meaningless than the grain of sand that imagines itself a fucking pearl!

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Spring has hit, officially, though my yard in particular is a miasma of new growth...a plague of life swarming with buds bursting to bloom insidious hues to attract every fly and bee already well into their work on my busily buzzing property.

Damn Shadow Clones! Far too superior a fertilizer. My Cat's dragon breath attack didn't help matters. Where as my neighbors are hovering about their porches enjoying the fine weather while their still half-dead grass rests at a wintery half-mast, I'm mowing a yard of grass that reaches high enough to tickle my...tickly spots...if you get me, an infernal host of mosquitoes (seemingly quite devoted to me) crown my every move. High noon has hit. The sun is some great spotlight focused into my conscience by a sadistic interrogator and I wonder, for the umpteenth time, what I have done lately to piss God off? Surely He's forgotten all the old stuff?
A choir of angels laugh their milky-white asses off. A fat cushy cloud shaped like a middle finger flutters over the noon-day sun and is gone.

Shadow meows from the porch, then makes himself quite at home in a little curl resulting in an instantaneous kitty nap.

I shove the mower this way and that. A tiny femur is thrown from the blades to the porch and Shadow finds himself awakened, with pain. And it serve you right ya little bastard!

I can feel all the heat of hell filling me, burning away what vestiges of humanity I have gathered to me like a sizzling anger that melts away the facade like so much paper blasted to ash in a nuclear holocaust. I must maintain, I have to maintain.

The mower dies and instead of screaming until the fire blasts my lips from my melting face I stop and I breathe, and I breathe a little more. My hands are balled tightly and my nails have skewered the palms all the way through to the wrists but I breathe a little more. I close my reddened eyes to the heat of the sun, the crawling tentacles of my neighbor's stares. I feel blood trickling down from my wrists to my knuckles and plinking a bass beat to the grass beneath but I ignore it...I ignore it. I gather all my will and...I maintain. Though my nails have turned to claws and pierced my own flesh I manage to cool down and chase away the worst of the anger. My face doesn't melt away. My demonic essence does not win out, leaving my carefully constructed human shell a lifeless hulk in the grass as I wreak havoc over the surrounding area.

I take one more deep breath, then I bend to the mower and pull the damned starter again. A round of cheers erupts from across the street.

The mower coughs itself back to life and I am shoving it again, back and forth, killing the grass I do most faithfully hope, or at the very least taming it for another day or three. The cheering onlookers begin to hoot.

I give them my most piercing eat-shit-and-live-to-eat-more-shit glare, giving a double take to a few in a crowd of white boys -- all gathered on a porch across the street...one of them has green hair, another has a green felt hat as tall as he is wide, all seem to be clutching (and toasting) bottles of Guinness. Jesus, son of Sam...is it St. Patrick's already? I yanked my eyes away from the Irish Cacophony and balled my fists yet again...damn it I must remember to retract my claws!...I noticed I stood, sweaty and irritable, behind my mower, completely and utterly naked.

My white-Tee modified to a warm weather wife-beater and jean shorts lay in a heap of smoking cloth somewhere behind me. They had suffered the wrath and heat of my earlier anger. My flesh--totally in tact and on display--had survived the onslaught. Breathing. Perhaps I should have calmed myself sooner, then perhaps I could have kept my bra and panties.

More hooting, cheers from the beer-addled boys across the street. Not a one was actually Irish. I could smell their blood on the wind, German descended everyone...except for one with a hint of a nigga in the wood pile, his skin tone much closer to mine than his compadres, though he chose to pass. There was no real fear of retribution, no actual belief in St. Patrick's teachings or, hell, even that the guy had actually existed, only a an alcohol fueled typical American bastardization. And I wasn't about to allow that particular St. Paddy to chase this snake outta Westwood!

I mowed my lawn and made a real show of it. There were at least two members of the group for whom I would make dreams happen later tonight--and I was hungry, ready. I mowed and I bowed and waved them all goodbye when I had done.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. When the moon took center stage and the stars lined up to brighten his path three drunken bastards called upon me in dreams and I took them easy, slow, and...never minding the pleasant yeasty contact high.

Friday, February 24, 2012

I can feel spring inching nearer with each passing day. Hasn't been much of a winter at all anyway. Grey days pass into sunny ones; temperatures fester at freezing only to leap-frog suddenly to the near 60's. Such is life in the Midwest. Such is life in hell. Hell was not designed to be anticipated, not promoted for its consistency and seasonably appropriate style and flair.
Tell me again how this is all about global warming. I kill you. This is the Midwest. Global warming is a phenomenon of continuous increase in surface temperature which has and will continue to warm the seas, melt glaciers and ice caps, and cause erratic changes in precipitation, and the on-going effect of your excesses will result in your intimate knowledge of the chaos that is hell, not a punch-line for every winter day that plunges below the freezing point. So say something more about global warning. I kill you. This is the Midwest, and hell has only begun to visit you.
I feel spring reaching, sending out its feelers and feeding on the abundance of sun, a strange winter to be sure, with tulips and crocus blooming far sooner than their due...I feel it. My cat twines about my itchy ankles, he feels it. He wants out. But I can't allow that as yet. My cat, my Shadow, black as night and twice as ornery, claws like talons and eyes the dragon-green of his ancestors (an ancestry, oddly, consisting of the rogue dragon or two...not that the average cat could survive such a union...Shadow's parentage is, odd, at the least, but he seems to enjoy the shape he has assumed these many years, so long as I add the correct amount of raw virgin flesh to his kibble) longs to stalk the wooded ambrosia of the tangled wood beyond the hood, where deer dance fearless for lack of hunters in the city limits and kids in gang colors pretend to the thrown of their older brothers, raping abandoned and soon to be demolished old houses on the Queen City side, dealing a little weed and nailing stray dogs to hidden trees along Sunset.
The Astral Plane has been indulgently silent. Ah, adverbs, how I loathe thee. However, the Astral Plane has been silent, in an indulgent way, and to hell with manuals and how-to's, when adverbs serve. I was tempted to unleash my Shadow on the wooded lots of the unusually silent hood, but for the sudden presence of...
Shadow Clones.
Shadow Clones. Not the many duplications of a Naruto but the silent choir of neighborhood cats - black cats, fat black cats lazily (there go those blasted adverbs!) lounging about my porch and yard, in quietly occult imitation of my shadow. But not my Shadow. As my Shadow seems to have intimated...thus his itchy urging to be outside.
I cannot allow this without a better understanding of what these Shadow Clones represent.

It may seem as nothing to you, casual blog reader...passerby on the great express that is our shared train ride to hell. But to one such as I, a yard full of Shadow Clones is enough to offer prudent pause. After all, I only just returned from a subtle trap buried in the majestic monotone of a common summoning...only barely survived the fallout of your average virgin haunting. I know when the universe is trying to tell me to watch my step.
So I watch.
And Shadow watches, from a convenient window sill, the edge of the slightly cracked door or from my shoulder as I mumble a tithe or two to my patron God of Chaos, hidden among the frail but visible pattern of odd winter branches in strong spring-like sunshine. The bastard whispers and disappears back to somewhere in the multiverse, and to hell with the asshole anyway, if Elric is so much more important. I watch and Shadow's claws remove another layer of flesh from my shoulder, aching to take on the crowd of Clones growing along the edge of death's winter grass that make up the front hill on my lawn.
They have stationed themselves along the walkway, along the side of my house, where the weeds grow a wild chaos and the neighbors scowl and wince. They have appointed a forward guard along the fallen tree in the back yard and scouts at either side, taking reconnaissance from the abandoned tires to the left and the neighbor's fence to the right. There are captains stationed before the warped garage door guarding civilian shadow females and litters hidden in the old and unused garage. I attempt a request to parlay from my kitchen window but it is answered by angry meows, claws, and at least one attempt to take the back door by force (until the rogue unit was called back angrily -- fucking adverbs!-- by its captain). At last, a delegation of Clones approached, with great caution, the back door to my kitchen.
I answered their call to negotiations in kind. I allowed my claws and my teeth full reign and invited my Shadow to assume a more...traditional...shape.
I can feel the subtle approach of Spring. Something about the early bloom of tulip and crocus in the yard, the way the trees - once skeletal and gleaming in a bony way now filling out in the boomtide of sun--fills the yard with shadow. I step out upon the porch and I hear the silence of the hood: distant police, an ambulance, someone honking their horn to get someone on the third floor of some some-place to come on and get going. My Shadow, fatter now, more complacent, purring to the hesitant noise of deer skimming the yard, chomping heartily on someone's crop of fern or hostas, meowing to me of cabin fever and the on-coming adventure of new life and new...
But I cannot forget the way he grew. The way his mahogany fur tensed, allowing layers of chitinous ebony scales to grow out from beneath its layers, fangs like great canines elongating to desperate scythes of a vast demon crop-master taking out the comparatively tiny stray kittens by two's and five's until a field of flesh blanketed the dead grass, slowly but decisively (adverb?) feeding the spring-thirsty crab grass into true life. Into the warmth of an odd February night, I looked upon green green grass and trees shocked into leaf production a month or two early.
And Shadow hastens no longer for the fields, but licks complacently at his own ass, as I know we all wish we could, because hey, I know I'd never leave the house if I could reach...with my own tongue.

Friday, December 30, 2011

...Some rat-bastard chose that moment, that very insta-second as I was pulled through the ether, zooming weightless through the collective fog of the astral plane, to take a deep drag off a 10ft brass hookah (blessed by the goddess in some moonlight rite, I don't doubt - the bitch!) and caught me in his raving mind like a snag in fabric from some chipped fingernail and hooked me! Hooked Me! In his inhalation! He proceeded to pass me about like some ditzy drunk girl at a frat party. He shotgunned me! Me! to a pair of pink lips that stank of second-rate mead and lofty, half-understood pagan chants and...the final insult...she then passed me on to the tabby cat perched on her patchouli-addled patchwork pants!

For nearly a year, I - Lillith - have been trapped in the soul of a...a...common fucking house cat!

WHY do these things always seem to happen to me?

I was minding my own humble business. I was occupying my own humble space in my own humble split-level on the west side of town, skrying on my own humble seeing stones searching out the heart of a particular young man...

Oh, you get the idea. I was doing my thing. Not harming anyone (much)! When out of the dark night I heard the irresistible call of the summoning. Someone with the will and the power sought me. There was naught in all the great universe but the sound of that voice and my swift desire to feel the breeze of those words against my skin, to kneel before that power and be consumed by it. It's a demon thing. You probably wouldn't understand...unless you do a lot of meth but, we've all got our little problems.

Anyway. The summoner: for such a one as me, there is no denying that call. I felt my physical self cease to be as my core blasted off beyond the veil where travel is an instantaneous step from the very end of the earth to the beginning of the sun. Instantaneous. We're talking nano-seconds here, people. And yet, in the breadth of that instant I was snatched, rudely, away.

I could feel more so than hear the scream of the summoner, a thing of sharp cutting edges and brittle twigs snapping and erupting into sudden flame. His jilted lust aroused me...

Until of course I was sucked into a bowlful of mad sinsemilla and made one with the foul air of some old hippie's blackened lungs.

I tried to make the best of my situation. Of course I did. I was far from home (difficult to determine really where, as a cat, as I could not so much as get the kitty's brain to read street signs or articulate its little paws to do a fucking Google search, but it was warm and dry, and sandy, which aint Ohio in the late spring lemme tell you!) and I was unable to break the bond which united me with the cat's soul. I did however wield some power over the dumb creature. I could not make its retarded anatomy form words but could effect its thoughts - such as they were - to my bidding in small ways. I trained the hippies to feed me steak for instance, cubed just so and marinated in teriyaki. It was quite the conversation starter when their brain-dead friends stopped by to dance naked in the moonlight and smoke hash off of home-blown and painted glass dildos. In addition, I was able to use the cat's own natural instinct for destruction to make frequent nocturnal attacks upon my hapless jailers. Many a scream lit the silence at 3:00am when little China Cat Sunflower (China for short) hopped upon the hairy legs of the humans asleep in their bed and began to slowly and deliberately claw and nest! The occasional dead mouse/bird/squirrel/snake/handful of cockroaches found under a pillow or carefully tucked away with their stash kept the living lively for some time.

And yet, all the while, I could still feel the call of the summoner. Could still feel the heat of the blast furnace of his passion and will. Poor China Cat, nearly ripped apart during these intervals of renewed summoning, grew old and quite sour long before his time. Unless I actively manipulated the poor thing it would curl into a tight ball of fur beneath a convenient piece of furniture and try to became very, very small. You had to feel for it. Certainly China Cat had not asked to be used this way.

Yet it was not enough to break the binding; the accidental binding of a hair-brained pothead thinking the right thoughts at the right time while smoking from a blessed and sacred pipe.

The months passed as months do. I guess I counted its passing in bowls of teriyaki steak and nocturnal amusement as I had only China Cat's bizarre sense of time. The hippie couple were suffering the ill effects of lack of sleep, and had begun to neglect the regularity with which said bowls of teriyaki steak were presented as well as mumbling about "donating" precious China Cat to some elderly straight that might "need the companionship" when my saviour finally arrived.

I snapped China Cat's head away from the dust mote he had been quietly studying as he curled up tight beneath a rickety ottoman barely touched by a beam of sunlight from a nearby window. I could not hear the summoning, no, but that same sense of high heat, of determination, seemed to emanate from the front door of the cheesy little house. Seconds later there was a knock that shook the door in its frame, and then a tall and very thin man--dark eyes and sallow skin, hair so red it seemed a corona of flame blowing away from a high forehead--burst into the living room. China Cat didn't stand a chance. His poor abused body shook, seized, and then imploded, leaving only a small burn and some errant fur upon the floor beneath the ottoman. A loud pop accompanied this as of air rushing in to fill a void. I was free. A vague smear of essence free-floating beneath the furniture to be sure, but free. I did not get to find out what savage revenge my summoner may have wrecked upon the hippies. The pull of my physical being snapped my essence from the ottoman like a rubber band and as suddenly as a blink I was sitting on the floor of my living room staring down at the dry skrying stones in a bowl no longer filled with water.

And so do I report to you now, once again home and free, and no longer a damned cat, and having a beer because I can. And searching random things on Google, because I have fingers.

I do not know if he still seeks me at all, the summoner. I have not felt him again. Too sad.

Friday, March 4, 2011

A tepid solace surrounded everything. By tepid I mean, sort of, luke-warm. Right. So. A tepid solace surrounded everthing except my longing. My desperate longing.
Well, I suppose I should have said that right off...I hate trying to blog here. So many distractions! But I meant to say, right off, that a tepid solace surrounded everything except my longing. Which was desperate. My desperate longing.

Let me start over.

A tepid solace surrounded everything but my desperate longing.

That's better!

Oh, come on! Tepid? WTF?

Ok.

A lukewarm solace surrounded everything but my desperate longing.
I had caught his scent and like some entranced insect I followed in the wake of its wafting for a block or two, staying just out of sight. Aged gymshorts and sweated sneakers' chic! A lulling hum carried on the wind to my waiting ears played a pathos of passionate drumbeats. A black college stomp group on a romp. A million individual feet beating a pattern of passion for yours truly! I followed.

In the thick of the night...wait, is that copyrighted? There was a show? something? who cares? In the thick of the night a glistening of early dew wetted the lips of the lapping weeds, the reaching grasses and low-lying trees of the path past the elementary school through the wooded burbs. Ah, the bliss of silent streets lit up in festival fashion by so many street lights, yard lights and floodlights - as though the sleeper would awaken! I pass beyond the gaudy pastiche of middle-class nightlights, the full-coverage new car smell from each garage tainted by virgin skin-scent and gang rape, the stench of failure here and there where mortgages were falling behind, the stain of sin on back yard pools and sassy barbecue sets with expensive floral pattern pillows on cheap hand-me-down wrought iron patio chairs...
I digess...
His scent. I followed. As he lay fast asleep within the warm and welcoming cocoon of his vile dreams I raised myself up upon the pedastal he had erected in his mind and preached upon the heart of his soul that which would best serve me, Lillith, demon of Eden, Succubus of the West Side...Of course, he awoke in a great heat, desperate to do my bidding. Unsure of what my bidding might be (for he had slept only a few moments before the heat of passion roused him) he stomped out of his own room, checking each of the next rooms. He found his sister; young, sleeping, her silent, curly blond locks baffled him. He stumbled away into his parent's room, finding them deeply delving the sort of coitus that waits until the kids are fast asleep. They did not stir to the disturbance of their peace nor the noises of quickly backing away from their sanctum. Rushed steps led the young one from his front door, down the walkway and into the night. Moist with the newness of the world at such an hour, damp with the sweat of anticipation. He followed the few blocks to the abode of the Succubus, led by the fingers of fate weighted heavily with my own silver rings. He came there, to that place, and so he entered.And Gods! What a night! For a low-brow sort of valley boy I must say he sure could...Again, I digress.Though the night was not without its bounty, I did but pay in full. A tally by the Gods of some $6,275.77.

For he awoke from this engagement in somewhat of a stupor.He found himself much...suffocated...by his immediate environs. breaking free (and costing me a pair of my very best silk stockings, some $50.95 in value) he sought blindly in his rather overblown panic for some egress from my darkened rooms...$3,025.00 to remove and replace with new the interior drywall and exterior vinyl siding of my humble abode after he launched himself at a convenient point far from the lental of any load-bearing structure and beat with his fists a means of escape...$1,250.82 in lawyer fees, proving the young rogue had entered quite of his own accord, without any forknowledge of my own, attacking me in my humble sleep, in my humble home...$300 in court costs...$1500 in payoffs to the local media...$149 to wine and dine Dionysus before he agreed to attack the kid's parents in a noble but ill-conceived attempt to distract them from the case at hand (instead, a long and rather disturbing divorce proceeding distracted them, all in all, the typical example of overkill employeed by my buddy Bacchus).In the end, it was but a cry for help.

What is an old succubus to do, trapped here in the city? Stained by the stench of the modern world? Invade the dreams of the young. Tempt that which has been left to the disdainful eye of fate. Type another fucking blog amongst a million-billion blogs.

What am I to do but wait? And hope. If you can hear me, perhaps you can find me. If you can find me, perhaps...there is some other fate that awaits me. Some surprise, or secret. Something more than one such as I should hope for?

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About Me

From the sultry depths of the city sewers Lillith shook the darkness from her perception to embrace the light. After being blinded and feeling rather silly, she purchased a pair of cheap sunglasses and cuddled deep into the darkness again. Now she bitches.