Friday, September 23, 2011

Here's a newsworthy item. It turns out that I know I make bad decisions when I drink, but I just couldn't give a shit. So that time when I fell off the wagonback in '95 (and I mean literally I fell off the wagon), I can't blame it on the alcohol. I really think it was the fault of the man with the chainsaw.

Monday, September 19, 2011

**Warning** Cover the children's and dog's ears because some of the following language may be unsuitable for them.

I've been expanding my university learned Spanish vocabulary for about 3 years now. And by expanding I mean the language that is used every day on the streets. For example:

University Spanish - Hola. ¿Como esta usted?

Street Spanish - Hey! Que onda guey!

In these years I've learned a fair amount of typical "chavo" or guy speak. Chingado (chingada for the ladies) means fucker, not to be confused with "cogelon" ( again, cogelona for the ladies) which means one who likes to fuck. I've learned that "huevon" means lazy ass and "que pedo?" literally means "what fart?" but actually translates better as "what's going on?" A "chela" is a cold beer. My personal favorite is "cabron" which literally means goat but being called a goat in Spanish must be insulting. Try calling someone a goat in English and they'll look at you kind of strange unless you add "old" because that's what my grandma used to called Grandpa, deservedly, I might add. I could go on and on about the finer points of the more colorful Spanish language but there are websites already dedicated for that purpose here and here.

So I would like to know how I managed miss something as simple as "sip" and "simon" for 3 years? It's only been lately that I hear "seeeeep" and "seeeeeee-moan" all the time. I finally figured out the saying "sip" is like saying "yup" and "simon" is like saying "yeah, man". Do Spanish speakers say "nop" for no?

Speaking of the word "no" reminds me of a story that happened in the Czech Republic, where I have by my last estimation about 2000 Czech cousins. I knew that the word ANO means yes in Czech, and a completely different meaning in Spanish (anus), but the Czechs shorten to it just 'NO. Watching a couple of Czech speaking cousins have a conversation while one repeatedly says "no, no, no, no" while nodding their head up and down in agreement totally boggles my mind. Try it! It will mess with your mind.

What it all boils down to is yeah, yup, sip, simon, 'no, ano, all equal YES. Sip? 'No? OK, YEAH!

Who Am I?

I taught 5th grade for 2 years in Mexico near the border of Texas. Unfortunately, gun battles, grenades, narco-blockades, and thieves ran me out of town. Then, by a twist of fate, I became the guardian to my orphaned nephews and moved to the safer, saner, and much colder state of Iowa.