i read this story today when i was supposed to be writing an essay in for my tutorial first thing tomorrow. oops.
but it was quite addicting.
it was a breath of fresh air to read a story that was slightly different to normal sirius/oc. it was quirky and i liked it. i read some of the reviews and agree that it could've done with more planning perhaps or what not but also think that this is all practice and practice makes perfect so looking forward to reading the sequel!
i'm hoping to read it by the end of the week but i've got a lot going on with lectures, doctors appointments, st patricks day, a visiting sister and friend.
niamh - x

Author's Response: Well thanks :) The story began very much on a whim, and in my impatiences I posted it without much thought. I had the end chapter always in mind, and as per-usual the middle stuff wasn't exactly there. Maybe one day I will go back and re-write it with a little more planning, but like you mentioned, I have a sequel to write! It's taking me quite a lot more time to write mostly because I have planned this one out chapter by chapter. Thanks for reviewing!
~Alex

Hullo there! It's Broomsticks from the forums with your review. I'm very sorry about the wait, stuff was piling up :)

- Narrator
Well, it's in third person which is always good. Third person allows the author to give a wider range of everyone's emotions and actions. However, I suppose we are seeing things from Chloe's point of view as she is the protagonist. I really like your characterization of her, she seems like a strong OC. She is young, but she also has a certain wisdom and age that came with her becoming a mother. It was very realistic.

- Tone
I liked the suspense of this chapter. We don't know who the father is yet and you purposefully made sure that it was a mystery. The chapter was really lovely. The tone was consistant. I liked the family atmosphere of them all having breakfast together. It was strange because Chloe was panicked about returning to school, so there was an element of sadness to the chapter, but it was also lovely to see her with her son. Aww, he's very cute.

- Description
Your detail was really good here. There wasn't a lot of metaphor or imagery though. It's always nice to slip a few metaphors in. There was a good use of vocab, and you described what was happening very well. I could imagine the events easily. Also, you described Chloe's emotions in detail, we gives us a good insight into her character. That's especially good considering she is an OC!

- Characters
I thought Chloe was a very realistic character. Her thoughts had a maturity to them which added background and depth. She is also a very likeable OC as well - yay! She isn't cliched in my opinion. I think she is lovely and fun to read. I would like to see a little more personality in her, but this is only the first chapter so I'm sure that will come as the plot develops!

I really liked how you mentioned her sister's maturity too. Very realistic.

- Dialogue
I thought the dialogue between Chloe and her family was very sweet. It was a good background and added depth to her family. Also, Chloe's interaction with her son was very fun to read. "Not funny," - haha :)

- Plot so far

Aha... the mysterious father! I'm in suspense. I think what makes this story unique is that Chloe has already had the baby for a year, now she is going back to Hogwarts! She hasn't told the father. It makes for a very interesting/exciting plot. It's intriguing. You have written this well - and enticed the reader to read on!

- Vivid parts/Favourite parts

Chloe and her son. Aww.

- Grammar

The only thing I noticed was a tense switch in one part. So just in case you want to change that the line was:

[She works for the Floo Regulation Panel and had to be at the Ministry by nine.]

That was the only mistake I noticed. Thank you! People who proof read are awesome :D

I hope this review has given you the feedback you asked for. You requested a few reviews, so I will be reviewing more later on today! I notice your story has got 418 or something favourites, so ovbiously it is well liked haha! I know you have finished writing this story, so I don't know how helpful my advice has been. I hope this review was okay though!

Author's Response: To start off, I will never be finished writing this story. I am constantly updating it, and adding to it based on what people review. Although the story is well liked, I don't get a lot of quality reviews like yours. That is why I asked for one by you. :) I will certainly go change that line (I don't know if anyone else has pointed it out to me). This is why itâs nice to get a fresh pair of eyes on the story!

I just want to thank you so much for your detailed review! I probably wonât re-request simply because I tend to like getting feedback mainly in the first few chapters. I think that you really put the most work of your story in the beginning (and the end after that) because youâve got to set up almost everything in the first chapter for the rest of the story. So thank you so much for your helpful criticism!
~Alex

I said I wouldn't be reviewing anymore but had to drop another comment -
in your A/N: Another chapter that I am not happy with at all, and I am sure you won't like it completely either.
FALSE. I do like it. Very much in fact ;) so cheer up!

Author's Response: Hahaha, yes, well, needless to say I'm never really happy with anything I write. I feel everything needs to be improved. When it comes to art, I think you can always improve. Thanks so much for the extra review ;)
~Alex

Hey!
I did indeed like this chapter! In fact I enjoyed it a lot (:
Great writing!
Again, only a few mistakes all in the one paragraph...
"In her head, she saw the whole ceremony to last a life time with TAUGHTS from Sirius and his friends alone with Nadine and Kathy's unnerving remarks. [insert 2 sentences here] Kathy and Nadine had been good, barely BRINING up the topic of Sirius. When DESERT was cleared, and Dumbledore rose to tell everyone to head off to their beds, Chloe looked to Lily unsurely."
taughts - taunts
brining - brining
desert - dessert (confusing!)
Fantastic first 5 chapters! I'm going to stop reviewing here BUT i'm going to keep reading on because I'm hooked ;)

Author's Response: Haha, that's great! You enjoy the rest of the story, and I'm so happy about the five reviews you left. Thank you oh so much!
~Alex

Hey!
I already think this is quite a good job!
I really like your writing style!
Only one mistake again that I picked up, "Chloe noticed the formal tone in his voice, and she felt with a pang in her chest that he was still OBLIVIOUSLY upset of their predicament." I think you meant obviously. without the extra L (:
Loving your story so far!

Author's Response: I'm glad you like the writing style. Its something I'm not totally happy with. Its improved since I was younger, which is expected but I still think I have a large amount of growing. Thanks for reviewing!
~Alex

Beautiful chapter yet again!
I really have nothing bad to say!
Only spotted one mistake here:
"She had KNOW idea if she would be any better at Hogwarts, especially when she would probably be worrying about Ryan every ten seconds."
Should be no ;)
& that's it! & now i'm going to keep reading :D

Author's Response: I'm so happy that you are pointing these out to me. Makes my job of cleaning up the story a lot easier. Thanks for reviewing again!
~Alex

Hi again!
Once again, brilliant chapter.
Fantastic plot, characters.. the bit with James/Lily was great...
Not much to say really, except praise ;D
Some spelling/typo errors in this paragraph:
"Worry KREPT into her mind as she began to worry WEATHER they would be anyone she knew in the pub. How was she GIONG to explain Ryan? Though he looked a lot like his father, RYAB was clearly her child or at the very least related. The chance of it all was too much, and yet Chloe SWOLLOWED hard, took a deep breath and opened the door."
Krept - crept.
weather - whether.
giong - going
ryab (typo probably) - ryan
swollowed - swallowed.
other than that, i didn't spot anything else!
And your story IS very believable & honestly awesome! ;)

Author's Response: Thanks for pointing those out to me. Makes the process to editing this story much easier. Thanks for revieiwng again!
~Alex

Hey (:
I'm here from the forum to review!
I must say this is an excellent chapter so far!
The beginning is great! Awwh! Ryan seems so adorable and cute!
The plot is looking very interesting and the characters are great (:
I found no spelling/grammar/punctuation errors while I was reading through this! Yay! I am finding this very believable so far, so no concerns there.
Fantastic beginning!
Great job (:

Author's Response: Eee, your reviews are fun to read! I'm so pleased to hear that you like Ryan! I'm really trying to do a once over on all the chapters, and I really like that you've pointed some spots out for me. Thank you so much! I shall be fixing it up soon!
~Alex

I know you're trying to be all mysterious by saying Ryan's father instead of his name... but we all know who it is really! ;]

I liked how Ryan ended up coming to Diagon Alley; it adds a bit of drama and I love James' slight suspicion at first.

I'm a fan of your writing style already and I think I'll keep reading this story even though you didn't ask for any more reviews; I'm hooked!

Sorry this is so short, but I don't have anything else to criticise (though you might benefit from checking for grammar mistakes one more time). The only other thing you asked about was the believable factor, and that is still there and going strong!

I hoped these reviews helped, however slightly! =)

Author's Response: Oh, I know. It was rather dumb of me to make it all mysterious when it was really obvious. I've been meaning to re-write that little bit.

James: I was hesitant about putting him in, but I thought it would be a little fun, and add some minor drama.

I'm so pleased you like my writing style. I'm not too sure if its the most pleasing, but I am so happy to know that you apprieciate it.

The first thing I noticed was her use of underage magic to heat up the milk. She must be sixteen, which makes it illegal for her to use magic outside of Hogwarts, but I guess if she wasn't going back would that make it alright? Something to think about.

There are quite a few spelling errors, but they should be picked up if you run everything through a spell checker. One that might not get picked up was "he could not ever know", which flows better as "he could never know".

I like your writing style and somehow it does seem believable; Dumbledore would always do whatever he could to allow students to complete their education so it makes sense that he would do this for Chloe.

I look forward to reading the rest!

Author's Response: That is true, she is underage. But I believe J.K noted that in magical families, the ministry doens't take much notice unless its in front of muggles, like Harry. The Weasley's said to have often used magic. I plan to adress that soon.

Along with that, I'll look over the spelling errors. This was one of my first stories I actually tried to pay attention to plot, so a lot of things fell to the waist side. Thank you so much for taking the time to reivew!
~Alex

hmm... I really like this story, but I thought the ending kinda... fell flat. don't get me wrong, it was sweet and adorable, but I thought it could have been put together a little better. kinda cliche, but all in all, a cute story.

Author's Response: To be honest with you, though I think this is some of my better writing when it comes to writing a story, I totally agree with you. It is full of cliches and for the most part I hadn't really thought it all out until half way through. At the time I wrote it I had a large following and I was just focused on getting chapters out. I wish I could go back and do it differently, but to be honest (again) I don't think I'm that great of a writer. With each new story of mine the writing does improve, and I find it impossible to go back to a story I wrote a year or two ago and re-do it. Thanks for the truthful review, its a breath of fresh air!
~Alex