Whoever is in charge of the artistic direction at Taqueria Vallarta needs to be poached immediately by one of those hotshot tech companies like Google or Twitter. The guy (or gal) has repeatedly proven to be on the cusp of genius, as evinced by “batshit insane” 49ers tribute mural, as well as the various exterior drawings and aesthetically pleasing color scheme.

Now he’s outdone himself again with another game-changer: this amazing lit-up pop-out sign that can be seen from blocks away by anyone walking on 24th St. Depicting a serene ocean scene that reminds you of vacation, complete with lazy seagulls, it also manages to extol the virtues that make this one of the most popular taquerias in the neighborhood.

For instance, top billing goes to the Tacos al Vapor, which are the closest thing you’ll find to the tacos served in Tijuana. Likewise, a keen sense of knowing your audience is demonstrated by the deft placement of (what appears to be) “Vegan Burritos,” always a popular choice in the Mission. My only regret is that they don’t mention the champurrado (which makes a delicious treat on a cold night, of which you can be sure we’ll soon have plenty).

What to do when the forecast is calling for rain all week to go with the already dreary January temperature? Why not try the Mission’s answer to hot chocolate, a nice steaming cup of CHAMPURRADO. A soul-warming melange of hominy masa, piloncillo, cinnamon, chocolate, and milk; this beverage is available at several places in the area but my favorite source is the doorway stand at Taqueria Vallarta ($2).

There’s just something innately wholesome about being served this thick, rich beverage and walking off into the evening being comforted by its warm and wafting embrace. Of course you could also just hang out in the restaurant and sample the delicacies of “Noah’s Ark” while checking out the acid binge that is their mural.

I always hit up Taqueria Vallarta after a show at Blue Six. The $1.50 taco bar is second to none. They fry up all the meats simultaneously in a loosely-partitioned circular grill that I affectionately call “Noah’s Ark”.

It’s a beautiful thing: you order with the man behind the grill, he loads up some tacos, you pay some tired guy wearing a change apron, and you pile on as much cilantro as you can handle. Hey La Taqueria: take note. $3.50 for a taco is ROBBERY.

Anyway, last time somebody told me to check out the mural while I was there. Ok, I thought, probably just another busty Aztec babe fetching a vase of water while a menacing conquistador stares on. Nope, try ill-proportioned 49ers playing football under the Golden Gate Bridge with the dolphins.

Then there’s more: the artist took it upon himself to write a rambling narrative about the parallel-universe origins of San Francisco and how bitchin’ the 49ers are. Did you know that they have the “excitement of the bear”?

Anyone know the story behind this masterpiece? Some borracho repaying his debt to the owner? Another coded message to members of the New World Order? Best explanation gets a taco on me. These are high stakes, folks.