How to feel more confident and capable in any situation

1. Admit defeat

No, really! "Not only is it human to admit to not feeling in complete control of a situation, people will like you more for it," says consultant psychologist Ingrid Collins. "Women have many roles and the pressure to carry each of these out while looking groomed to perfection at all times can be immense. But a bit of humility goes a long way. It's OK to feel vulnerable and to let other people know it. In fact, presenting a completely capable and confident front at all times will alienate people to some degree. If you're honest about your failings and feelings of self-doubt, people are far more likely to share back their own experiences, which helps you feel more connected. Simply knowing you're not alone can really boost your sense of wellbeing, and therefore confidence."

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2. Do less, chat more

Don't underestimate the importance of face-to-face contact for your mental wellbeing, says Ingrid. "Instead of thinking of squeezing in a coffee as one more thing to do in your day, focus on the fact that people want to spend time with you and derive confidence from that. Rarely do we walk away from a chat over a hot drink feeling worse, even if it does take a bit of juggling to get there. Give your friend or colleague a compliment while you're at it – making them feel good will make you feel good."

3. Switch off (some) social media

"Social media can erode confidence because we compare ourselves with others and worry that we don't stack up. We forget we're seeing edited highlights," says psychologist Jessica Chivers. "So disengage with the source of stress. Take the app off your phone. Just go cold turkey – after a few days you won't even miss it."

4. Think small (to start with)

Do you fantasise about setting up your own business, learning to knit, or running 10K...but worry you don't have what it takes? That simply isn't true. All you have to do is start taking steps towards your goal. "Create mini-goals you can stick to on a daily, weekly and monthly basis," says Jessica. "Ticking off small daily achievements will help you feel more confident and give you the impetus to carry on. Then take stock regularly of how it's enriching your life. Have you got the bones of a business plan? Can you run a mile without needing to stop and walk? Remember this is what you chose to prioritise. And because nobody can have or do everything, it may mean that you miss out on some lunches with friends or don't have the money for luxury holidays. But remember that that is YOUR CHOICE. You made that change – remember the reasons for it, and keep your eye on the long-term gain versus the short-term pleasures."

5. Remember the 'why'

"Think of three things that have gone well today and why – what did you do to make that happen? Then jot down your thoughts," says Jessica. Taking the time to acknowledge your unique strengths will help you use them more confidently in the future.

6. Give less than your best

Is a long to-do list making you feel like every task you complete is sub-par? Learn to prioritse. "Take tasks A and B (say, a work project and your child's homework) and do those to best of your ability," says Jessica. "Then task C (cooking dinner, perhaps) gets 70% effort. It's tasty and healthy but doesn't have to be worthy of Masterchef. Task D (for instance, housework) gets 50%, and so on. We'd all like to do everything perfectly but it all gets so overwhelming we're either panicked into a state of inertia or we end up doing nothing particularly well." And this isn't only unhelpful, it can knock your confidence. Time to give yourself a break.

7. Leave your kids alone

"We're all extraordinarily child-centric but it's bad for them and bad for us" says Jessica. "Stop hovering over them all day long and instead give them your undivided attention for 20 minutes. The pleasure they get from this will give you the confidence to ditch yet another club you don't have time to take them to and is truly liberating. Focus on having fewer, better quality moments – and that applies to kids of all ages!"

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