Harper In Thrall To Tuatha De Danann

Mr. Flaherty is rosy cheeked and stands three and half feet tall in his lifts.

Is Prime Minister Stephen Harper under “a spell” cast by Finance Minister Jim Flaherty? So claims the upcoming publication, Steve and the Leprechaun: The Secret Power of Ottawa’s Biggest Fairy.

The book, by Jefford Darling, presents compelling evidence that Prime Minister Harper believes his pugnacious Finance Minister to be a genuine example of the diminutive, mischievous figure from Irish Folklore and, in fear of being hexed, defers to Flaherty’s every decision no matter how unsound or unsavoury.

The improbable tale has roots in the tragic disappearance of Harper’s grandfather, Harris Harper, in Moncton, New Brunswick, in 1950. Harris Harper, a high school principal, was, like his grandson, of a gloomy disposition. His failure to return from a doctor’s appointment led many to believe at the time that he had thrown himself from a bridge and into the Petitcodiac river, committing suicide. Harris Harper’s body was never found.

Darling’s book asserts that when Stephen Harper was a very young boy, and incapable of understanding his grandfather’s illness, he was told the sudden disappearance was an abduction by fairies or Leprechauns. The story made such an impact on the young boy that he developed a life-long obsession with the sometimes malevolent sprites and has, as an adult, made a serious study of the creatures.

Leprechauns, the Tuatha De Danann of Irish mythology, are hermit-like creatures obsessed with gold. They are often depicted as cobblers and enjoy practical jokes.

Hermit-like creatures obsessed with gold, Leprechauns are often depicted as cobblers and enjoy practical jokes

When Stephen Harper, then Head-In-Chief of the National Citizens Coalition, first met Mr. Flaherty he was immediately struck by the physical resemblance of “Little Jimmy” to the mythical “pygmy of Eire”. Mr. Flaherty is rosy cheeked and stands three and half feet tall in his lifts.

Darling reports that at that first meeting Harper expressed a wish to supplant Preston Manning as leader of the Reform Party. Flaherty is alleged to have given Harper a wink and said, “Granted”.

The pattern repeated itself when Harper stated wishes that he could “unite the Right” and “become Prime Minister”. (The Prime Minister is now said to be tormented by his choice of wishes, calculating that if he had instead wished that “the Liberal Party will die, die, die!” his third and final wish would have come true and he would have the “total power” that eludes him as a minority Prime Minister).

In 2002 Falherty underwent cosmetic surgury, an “eye job”, to diminish his “Leprechaun Look” and was allegedly enraged over the failure of the procedure. Minister Flaherty’s decision to eliminate the medical tax credit for cosmetic surgury in his recent budget is seen by some as revenge over his disappointment.

Mr. Flaherty stands three and half feet tall in his lifts.

The recent budget is said to be an example of Flaherty exerting his will over Mr. Harper. Many insiders, unaware of the Leprechaun obsession, were surprised when the Prime Minister signed off on the document that was widely seen to be uninspired and sometimes reckless. “There is no way a small ‘c’ conservative and a trained economist like Mr. Harper could approve of this budget,” said an unnamed source. “It’s like when they knocked those points off the GST. It was so wrongheaded no one could figure out why he did it until they saw the picture.”

The photograph in question purports to show Mr. Flaherty in breeches, a green seven-buttoned coat and a tall, wide-brimmed hat, dancing a jig on the roof of 24 Sussex the day of the changes to the tax. URNews has failed to obtain a copy of the photo.