Coffee shop opens for non-morning people

Grumpy Fuckers’ Coffee Shop opened its door yesterday and was overwhelmed by demand.

Manager Clive GrimGrits told Grumpy Fuckers:

“I had to get up at 5am to get the bastard shop open. I hated it. Most people are still sleeping at that time. We opened the shop at 6am and by 7am, we’d already sold out of ‘Fuck You Frappuccinos’ as well as our ‘Piss Poor Tea’. Every fucker who came in had a face on them like a slapped arse so I closed the shop at 8am so I could go home and get some proper sleep like most people do.”

One customer said that she would visit the coffee shop again, despite everyone bumping into each other and not saying a word.

“It was perfect for me. I could just sit there, thinking how shit my life is and how I hated going to work. The guy next to me was asking whether they did any cooked breakfasts but the manager told him to fuck off and get a life. Everyone was grumpy, which was fine because we were all grumpy together.”

225 thoughts on “Coffee shop opens for non-morning people”

I shared this on my FaceBook page! It’s about effen time somebody did this!! Luv the hell out of it & buying a mug as well. Hoping someone in upstate NY copies your approach. Best of luck in your endeavor, Clive. Later, Paul. 😉

YOUR Name ‘Grump bitch” Got me over here Rolling in the Deep you made my day I think I’m going to laugh for the next 24 hours from the gutt. Girl I hate mornings too. I was born at 1:25 in the morning I think that has something to do with it so basically I was born after midnight and that’s when I am mostly awake. But like a vampire when the morning comes I want to close the shades down on the world and I don’t want my phone to ring I don’t need nobody leaning on my doorbell and I don’t want nobody to ask me no damn questions.

Coffee? Uh what is that For? I don’t need no coffee I just need a pillow a cup of lemme the hell alone and some more sleep – don’t wanna wake up til my body says so. I get up at the crack of 2 or 3pm. I’m retired – thank God 🙂

1st Americans need to learn how to make a decent coffee…
In Australia we have the most amazing coffee, when I came to visit last year (LA, San Fran, Vegas, NYC) I swear they were trying to poison me, I was extremely grumpy… 🙂
I found 3 places in NYC with great coffee, and one called ‘Little Collins’ on Lexington Ave was brilliant & owned by Aussies…

I love good coffee and Folgers isn’t it! I go out of my way to find good dark roast coffee. But most Americans don’t have an extremely discerning palate where coffee is concerned. Try going out to breakfast at almost any restaurant and it’s cheap tea-like shit they poor in your cup!

It’s not the liberals in California that would be against it but all the conservative Christians and fundamentalists who supposedly don’t ever cuss who would consider it an obscene nane! You know the DMV would never allow the word F**kers on the license plates in any of the 50 states, so don’t point to California as the prude state!

If you want to get really goddam pedantic, “would have” is the conditional perfect.

When English speakers talk, they often contract “would have” to “would’ve” and yeah, that *sounds* like “would of.” But “have” is still the verb we use to make the perfect tense, and this is written fucking English we’re using here, unless I’m very sadly mistaken.

For some reason I thought a grumpy fucker wouldn’t understand grammar, how fucked is that! Thanks for the link!!!
Aren’t you glad the sign has an apostrophe after the ‘s’ on the sign outside the coffee shop?

When it comes to coffee, the only thing that makes New England slightly better than the rest of that invaded continent is less guns. And the Pats. And the Bruins. And A Friendly’s Jim Dandy. Now, go grab your favourite Chino’s, Topsiders, Lacoste polo and fuck off. I’ll bet you still listen to Blue Oyster Cult and REO Speedwagon. Wicked pissah. 😉

this American wants to know if you dumb fucking brit knows where Beaverton is? How is your geography you pussy? Didn’t think blocking replies would keep you safe on that one did you? go play in traffic

Personally, I only like the Dutch coffee shops. My local one in Zandvoort is less than 50 metres away from where I stay. Someone there from 8am to nearly 3am, everyone comes out with a smile on their face, whatever time of day.

Because Americans have ancestors born elsewhere. Unless they are Native American, they’re blood comes from other countries. Many of them even uphold traditions of their ancestors and where they came from. It’s not that they “claim” this, it’s that it is true.

I, being of Native Indian decent, can tell you that we also originated elsewhere. It’s just that this country was ours first. Before some f…ing blimey came and impregnated one of my great, great great Grandparents. In all do respect. Spell check ready.

Wrong! Indigenous peoples of America came from Asia and all of humanity came from Africa. We are all Africans genetically. The only thing that separates us is culture. I am an über-culturist and my culture is 12-23 F.D.R. Drive apt. 3C, mother-fuckers!

For Fuck sake, Americans didn’t originate on this continent and largely got here between 1 and 5 generations ago, pretty much. I only have to go back 4 to get to Germany, and maybe 5 to get to Ireland.

Why don’t you learn to drink real fucken coffee first, you fuckwit. Fake “Creamer” does not belong anywhere near real, fucking coffee. Then again, no wonder you fucken ‘murikens are so grumpy. Your lives are disappointment in a cup filled with fake whitener. Much like your tea party, GOP politics.

another crooked tooth brit running his gob full of terra cotta teeth .on your bike bozo,still pissed about cornholeis,or cornwallis,what was that quitters name never remember the losers if it wasn’t for the celts your island would be nothing but a bunch of rock band posers crying about trump,and sucking up to bollywood

Yet another geographically- and politically-challenged knucklehead. Just because I can spell and can use grammar correctly does not make me British. It’s encouraging to know, though, that you do at least recognise it when it is used. Oh, and huzzah to you for beating the poorly organised British army on your “own” soil. Oh, that’s right. You couldn’t do it on your own. You needed the French to win for you. Vive l’difference.

Just look at a fucking map. North America is virtually a big island surrounded by millions of square miles of fuck all. The inhabitants, with their dumbed-down education, don’t know or even need to know what’s out there beyond all that ocean. The rest of the world might just as well be fucking Narnia for all the relevance it has in their little parochial lives.

Considering most Americans and many Europeans think that all Africans are black. HULLO there are white Africans. I and ten generations of my ancestors were all born in Africa. I actually do know where Cardiff is in Wales and I have been there.

What the fuck is creamer? You can be really fussy about what kind of coffee you drink and where beans come from then you’re happy to adulterate it with nasty crap produced from fucked-about-with veg oil instead of real cream or milk just because it’s easier and cheaper for those selling the stuff.

Can think of only one thing more disgusting being added to my coffee and that is artificial sweeteners. BLECCH!!! Drink the fucking stuff without sugar but don’t pollute it with that cancer making crap.

Kopi luwak – It’s the coffee beans which have gone through a wild cat that you have to drink. That is the really expensive one. But who the fuck cares. I just want a decent cup of coffee without having to be bright and fucking shiny about it.

Maybe hard for some to believe but I can confirm that the entire population of The Netherlands are the most fucking irritatingly jolly and ungrumpy people that it has ever been my misfortune to be stuck amongst. Particularly in the coffee shops.

Dee you are a fucker yourself!! Are you kidding me? Someone asked where the place was located and you said it states it in the article . Let me tell you something fucker and that is some people are geographically challenged. Have you ever heard the phase that ‘ the more you travel the smaller the word appears’? Must suck to be a know it all. In fact it would have taken you less time and energy to let the person know where Cardiff is located then to say ‘ it’s in the article if you read it’ . I bet your the type of person that would never ask for direction . I myself had to google where this place was. Woopy do huh? I hope if you yourself ever find you way there that you buy yourself a cuppa and fucking chill you pompous asshole!!

I think they were referring to which coffe shop in Sydney throws around the F bomb.
Why is everyone getting their panties in a bunch. I think everyone can agree this is a great name that will generate a lot of business. A lot of people who travel will make a point to stop there. Everyone believes their culture is superior to others but grumpy fuckers are everywhere.

I think thats s great for those who are like that all day ha ha as i do no a lot of people . I an not one off them tho thank goodness. And why dose the owner have to say the f ——-.As i think that he needs to get a life.!!!! ???? Miss J stead.☺

Poop your fucking American I bet. Have a nice day y’all . In England we like to say fuck of. You love our sexy accents and we hate your annoying chatter. The worst so called English. Trumping South Africa !

No matter how funny everyone else in the world apart from Sam the Eagle thinks you are the café name is still in bad TASTE so Sam the Eagle is funny lacking making him a prime Grumpy Fucker so why is he complaining? The coffee DOES have a nasty taste admittedly since it’s bought in from Starbucks.

Perfect shop for my son to run, he hates fucking coffee and fucking morning fuckers with fucking smiles on their fucking faces. One of your shops would be a fucking hit in this fucking happy town of CHELSEA, USA!

[…] We have all been there! Its early in the morning, you stayed up way to late and your on your way to work. Your grumpy and you just want some kind of caffinated beverage to get you through the day. Well this group of entrepreneurs decided to combine the two….. grumpy coffee […]

Fuck this place. They closed at 8 a.m. .What the Fuck is that? Non morning people like myself ain’t about to get up at the ass crack of dawn to buy shitty coffee. We would much rather wait till 10 a.m.

I believe, since this seems to be a forum on proper English, I must bring to your collective attention the following. This is not a place for Grumpy Fuckers to go for their coffee. The sign simply indicates that there are at least two people who own the shop. It indicates more than one with the “s”. The apostrophe then indicates the possessive. This is therefore simply a coffee shop owned by two or more grumpy fuckers.

You’re a trollig fuckin cunt. Quit being so pompous you twat. Sorry we all aren’t up on our fuckin Limey geography. Wanna know why we still don’t trust the UK…..fucking ridiculous cunts as yourself, you smelly fuckhole.

“J” – As well as being geographically-challenged you obviously can’t follow a link, much less read. So, here it is for you; direct quote from the GF page:

“Grumpy Fuckers Coffee Shop opened in Cardiff in September 2014. But don’t come looking for us. We only exist in the realms of internet folklore.”

This has nothing to do with geography. Just a grip on reality and basic comprehension; neither of which you appear to have. Oh, and I’m not British. Why is it, then, that you (as the peak representative of the collective wisdom of everything south of the Mason-Dixon Line) don’t trust the British? Probably because you’re a rootin’, tootin’ gun-totin’ flat-earther conspiracy theorist that thinks a passport is something that provides burger, fries and gallon-sized soda upgrades. Your attempt at trolling? Pathetic at best. Grumpy Fucker? You make Dumb Fuckers look like Einstein. He’s a scientist. Probably something you don’t believe in either. I must compliment you, though. You did manage to spell “pompous” correctly. Pip, pip.

Now I remember why I have several sorts of coffee makers at home. Imagine having to listen to all this shit every morning. Love the idea of the Grumpy Fuckers’ coffee shop – hope you have a MASSIVE SIGN saying NO TALKING

Guaranteed to trigger my inner grumpy fucker is asking for a black coffee only to be interrogated about whether I want americano, filter, espresso or whatever the fuck. The gormless morons behind the counter can’t cope with anything not covered in their five minute training course and go into nervous meltdown when I insist I just want a black coffee. How hard is it to put two heaped spoons of Nescafe in a mug with boiling water for fucks sake?

Try to get some idiot at McDonalds to give you black coffee with cold milk on the side. Not gonna happen. they have to put the hot milk in first and then the hot coffee. Don’t even try to get my coffee there. it is easier on my nerves to take a flask of hot water and instant coffee to my early morning meetings at the McDonalds.

OMG Am sorry but I can not stop laughing !!! I love it , wish I lived there to pop in for a coffee , The worst part is I wake up in the morning even before I had my coffee dancing and singing to the point at work at 7 in the morning my plant manger asked me if I was on something or high !!! True story . I just wanted to say I think this is fucken awesome !!!!!!!!!

Clive, first I want to wish you nothing but the best of success and that it makes you a gozillion freaking dollars!
Secondly, I hope you get off your dead, tired are and franchise this all over the world. Nothing would be better than to see that fancy pants, arrogant, nose in the air Starbucks get slammed and shut down.
Hope your coffee is real coffee. I have never had coffee as good as “Cookey’s” coffee when I was with the 101st AB. I hope I get to taste your coffee and when I do, I’ll let you know how you stack up against “Cookey.”

When I saw the photo I first thought “Only in America” typical.
Reading on, discovered it was in Cardiff, then realised it wasn’t
true. Just goes to show you can’t beat British humour!! Got you all going didn’t it!

AND your clothes are still labeled size 1 and 2 whereas in reality they should be label 25 and 26. What do your old size 1 and 2 label there clothes as? -25 and -26. If the Merrycans would not eat that garbage McDonalds and EXTRA OUTSIZE Burgers they would be a smaller nation.

Colin Grimguts or whatever his fuckin’ name is won’t be grumpy when he’s kickin’ it in the Caribbean and we’re still stuck on this fuckin’ wet, windy, grey, cold and miserable island. In fact that miserable Colin fucker will delight in knowing we’re still all stuck here, wasting our money on over-priced drinks in his festering turd of a coffee shop.
Fuck him. Not spending another penny to give that sheep shagger more holiday money.

What’s so fuckin depressin’ is that most of you fuckers out there (grumpy or not) haven’t got a fuckin’ clue how to fuckin’ spell. Bollocks to whatever the coffee’s like first thing in the (f) morning, it’s more (f) important that we can communicate (f) properly. And that means bein’ able to fuckin’ spell things right when you fuckin’ write stuff. Otherwise we can’t underfuckinstand what the fuck you’re blabbin’ about. Got it? Good! Now all of you go away and fuck yourselves (twice)!! Oh, and get a (f) dictionary, for fucksake! I feel better now, but I was a fiendishly grumpy fucker a minute ago.

What is this (f) that you keep putting in your rambling rant about other people’s fucking spelling. If I can’t get a cup of coffee then give me a bottle of fucking wine. At least I can go back to sleep.

Is grumpy fucker the name of the owner or the type of people that use the place? No need to answer.
Me I just look out of the window and go back to bed. And save money rather than paying to be depressed!

I like good coffee but can rarely buy it out, American money-grabbing bastard chains can’t make coffee, I would not ever use creamer, maybe a dash of milk, no sugar, I drink Miles Tea, a lot, ditto re. milk and sugar. I am not miserable but I am extremely grumpy, all of the time and have given serious thought recently to opening a mirco-brewery exclusively for grumpy men, I am wary of allowing women who have a tendency, once a few drops of alcohol have passed their lips, to become merry, which would not be acceptable. My home and shop is 50 miles from Cardiff and I really don’t want sheep-shaggers crossing the border to England abusing my border collie , Americans, if slender, may be permitted as long as they don’t speak, they may point at the item they wish to buy, pay double, and sit in a corner. I would need some financial backing to pursue this, anyone giving more than £5000 will become a life member, anyone giving less, won’t be allowed in. Shouting will not be permitted, miserable people shout, grumpy people are more sophisticated. Appropriate use of swear words will be encouraged, but I stress it must be appropriate. Further rules can be discussed. Many thanks

Now that I’m retired, where the fuck were you assholes when I was working and I fucking needed you? What do you mean, you don’t serve breakfast! Get a fucking life! Quit being a fucking douche and serve up some shitty powdered eggs and stale fucking bagels. Show a little fucking initiative! gggggggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr