Dildos Are Weird: Strangest Historical Dildos and Dildo Laws

There are so many people that love dildos across the globe. However, even they don’t know everything about this most popular sex toy. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that dildos have been around since the dawn of humanity. One of the oldest ones is over 30,000 years old! We will take a look at the most interesting dildos in history. Some will be weird, others may be strange, yet they have all been part of our culture for ages (even ancient Greeks used them).

Bread Dildos

Yes, you read it right. While there are many people across the world that really love bread, the Greeks took it to a whole new level. In ancient Greece, or more precisely, during the Greco-Roman period, people used bread to make dildos. This strange dildo originated over 2,000 years ago. If you are looking to do a bit of research yourself, its original name is olisbokollix. The word comes from kollix, which means bread, and olisbos, meaning dildo.

Over the years, researchers found traces of this ancient toy across literature and even art. Furthermore, there are amphoras or vases with paintings involving a bread dildo. However, since it all happened so long ago, some historians claim that it was all a joke and that bread dildos were more metaphorical. Naturally, there were several other types of dildos in ancient Greece, which was evident from the fact that the Greeks had a word for it.

While everyone can notice the shape of a baguette and similarities between a phallus and this bread, it remains a mystery whether these weird dildos were a thing. We all know that Greeks were quite keen on sexual pleasure, and according to some historians, both men and women enjoyed using bread dildos. Since there weren’t many sex shops in ancient Greece, they had to find a way to enjoy themselves. It gives a whole new meaning to “food porn.” At least for those who weren’t gluten intolerant.

Insect Dildos

If you thought that bread dildos were weird, wait until you learn more about insect dildos. Joey Holder spent the last couple of years working on a project that focuses on insects’ genitalia. She uses 3D technology to create dildos based on the reproductive organs of insects, but in human size. Holder said that she has always loved the diversity of nature and that the idea behind the project was to help people think more openly.

While she used materials that are safe for skin like silicone, they are still considered art. That means neither she nor anyone else had the pleasure of testing one of the dildos that she had made. The most interesting part of her exhibition is the differences between each model. Since people can’t see the reproductive organs of insects properly, they have no idea how strange and unusual they can be. Checking Holder’s project can educate and give you some ideas if you are looking for uncommon or funny dildos.

However, it remains uncertain if she will continue creating them and if these dildos will become mass-produced and available in your local sex shops. For now, you can check them out and see if they are something that you’d like to try out.

Dildos in the News

Dildos are undoubtedly the most popular and common types of sex toys. As a result, it is not strange that they made it in the news. One of the recent stories reports about a curious treasure in Northumberland. We all know how much dogs love finding sticks, but one of the dogs found something else during a walk.

The owner of the dog reported that this three-year-old basset found a pink dildo and absolutely fell in love with it. Furthermore, instead of just playing with it for a while, Flossie (the dog) refused to throw it away and carried it for the next two miles. Needless to say, the owner of the dog tried her best to persuade it to find some other thing to play with, but to no avail. In the end, the dog got bored with her new toy and dropped it to her owner’s satisfaction.

Wrong Delivery

Of course, that wasn’t the only mentioning of the famous sex toy in the news. A resident from Pennsylvania found a strange package on his doorstep one day. Without checking the address first, to his surprise, he found a 14-inch black dildo. Naturally, he was shocked by this discovery, and he simply shoved the toy back into the package, leaving it on his neighbor’s doorstep. However, the story doesn’t end there since he realized that he too had made a delivery mistake. The unfortunate neighbor was also surprised by his new gift, and he took the whole story to social media. Despite thousands of likes, the original buyer remained unknown.

It seems that finding a dildo is not as uncommon as you’d believe, and there have been so many “sightings” reported in the past couple of years. While the origin of most of these remains unclear, forgotten dildos keep appearing in the most unusual places. A couple of years ago, a ban on swimming was issued for children on a beach in Naples when dozens of dildos appeared near the monastery.

Unusual Dildo Stories

Our dildo journey does not end here. There are so many unusual stories involving them, and it would be nearly impossible to mention all of them. Among the most memorable stories happened in Australia. A decade ago, during a bachelor party, one of the visitors was injured. While accidents do occur, the circumstances of the event were more than interesting.

An Unforgettable Bachelor Party

According to the story, one of the performers was a woman with a unique ability to shoot pink dildos out of her vagina. But that’s not the end of the story. This woman managed to shoot a dildo in the shape of a bullet 23 feet across the room, hitting one of the visitors in the head. Even though he ended up with a bloody forehead, he is unlikely ever to forget this party.

Strange Sightings

If you watched the movie “Wag the Dog,” you probably remember the scene where they throw shoes on the power line. Naturally, the film is fictional, but the shoes hanging from the power lines were quite real. This story, of course, involves a dildo in a public space. Another interesting story happened when dildos started appearing instead of shoes in Portland. A mysterious individual started hanging dildos in 2015, which earned her nickname “Sex Toys Fairy.” Even though she later revealed that it was supposed to be a part of a larger prank, many followed her lead. The legend says that she still drives around Portland, avoiding the law and handing people dildos from her magic box.

Dildo Laws (Real and Fake)

Now that we’ve covered incredible dildo stories, it is time to check the laws regarding this famous sex toy. While you might know some of these, others might be new for you. So let’s start from the beginning. Recently, someone pointed out that there was an “Arizona Dildo Law.” According to it, the law prohibits having more than two dildos in your house.

Naturally, many started wondering if this was real or fake, and the truth is in-between. This dildo bill was actually real. In 1980, there was an attempt to regulate pornography and ban dildos. While the bill passed both the House and the Senate, the governor of Arizona eventually vetoed it. Even though there was a chance that this law would become a reality, you shouldn’t worry about it. There is absolutely no chance that the dildo police will come to check the number of toys in your house.

However, there are many places where buying a dildo is not possible. For example, purchasing one in Alabama requires a note from your doctor. Naturally, one can assume that dildos are used as medical devices in Alabama. Similarly, selling dildos was illegal in Texas as well. While the Texas dildo law still remains, judges are unwilling to charge anyone, and there haven’t been prosecutions in over a decade. Sex toys are illegal in India as well, and the only state in the U.S. where the ban is still active in Alabama.

Using Animal Parts to Make Dildos?

When you think of dildo, you probably imagine a silicone (or plastic) phallus shape. However, both of these are newer inventions, and people used other types of materials earlier. During history, people made wooden dildos, stone, tar, ivory, bone, and many others. Today, you can even find ones made of metal designed for the ones looking for something a bit different.

Obviously, stone dildos are not the best choice, so people started looking for something more comfortable. During the fifteenth century, in Italy, people began using materials like leather to make them a bit softer and more enjoyable. Similarly, in the seventeenth century Japan, they used buffalo horns for making dildos.

Besides using bread as a dildo, in Greece, people used leather and animal intestines to make dildos comfortable and to offer a more natural texture. Furthermore, it isn’t rare to find an ancient dildo made of ivory or bone.

Over the years, people moved to more standardized materials like rubber, glass, and anything that can be easily sterilized and cleaned.