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Friday, October 11, 2019

I. The "it happens" holocaust

Unprecedented Trump commenting on a fatal road accident caused by the wife of an American intelligence operative in the UK:

“You know those are the opposite roads, that happens,” he said. “I won’t say it ever happened to me, but it did. When you get used to driving on our system, and then you’re all of a sudden on the other system when you’re driving, it happens.”

Trump before the Pearly Gates, explaining to Saint Peter how he accidentally extinguished humanity in a nuclear holocaust:

"You know those buttons on the nuclear football are sometimes opposite. I won’t say it ever happened to me, but it did. When you get used to pussy grabbing on one system, and then you’re all of a sudden on the other system when you’re grabbing, it happens.”

"Now the Kurds are fighting for their land, just so you understand," Trump said when asked if abandoning the Kurds would make it more difficult for the US to gain allies in the future. "As somebody wrote in a very very powerful article today, they didn't help us in the Second World War, they didn't help us with Normandy," Trump said, likely referring to an article posted on the right-wing website Townhall.

Trump press conference on why he is abandoning Germany and Japan to Russian and Chinese offensives:

"Now the Germans and the Japanese are fighting for their land, just so you understand," Trump said when asked if abandoning long-standing NATO and U.S.-Japan Mutual Security Treaties would make it more difficult for the US to gain allies in the future. "As somebody wrote in a very very powerful article today, they didn't help us in the Second World War, they didn't help us with Normandy," Trump said, likely referring to an article posted on the right-wing website Townhall.

Monday, July 22, 2019

Henry Kissinger (aka Heinz Alfred Kissinger) fled Nazi Germany in 1938 and was naturalized as a US citizen in 1943 while serving in the US Army. Despite failing to lose his heavy German accent, he had a successful career as Harvard professor, National Security Advisor and Secretary of State in his adopted country.

CIB breaking fake news, New York-- In response to Unprecedented Donald Trump's call for four Democratic congresswomen to "go back" to their countries of origin, elder statesman Henry Kissinger has just announced that he will permanently resettle in his native Germany.

Kissinger stated that while he and his family fled Germany in 1938 to escape fascism, he has no desire to continue living in a country that is now subject to reality-TV fascism.

"I prefer the genuine article," Kissinger told our correspondent. "If it's our fate to go back through this shithole, I'd rather spend my last years with the masters rather than the apprentices. The rise of Germany's Alternative für Deutschland and the end of the postwar "Schuldkult" should prove exciting."

Saturday, March 2, 2019

The son he has (Michael Cohen: “Mr. Trump had frequently told me and others that his son Don Jr. had the worst judgment of anyone in the world.”) Image: Greg Nash/The Hill

The son he wished he’d had (Trump on Kim Jong Un: “I was really being tough and so was he. And we would go back and forth. And then we fell in love. No really. He wrote me beautiful letters. They were great letters. And then we fell in love.") Image: Doug Mills/The New York Times

Wednesday, January 9, 2019

Mexican President AMLO demonstrating his willingness to finance the Wall for the dysfunctional US government. EPA

CIB Breaking Surreal News, Mexico City| Mexican President Andrés Manuel López Obrador (AMLO) announced today that in the interests of restoring border security his country would be willing to finance US Unprecedent Trump's campaign promise to build a wall on their countries' mutual border.

In a televised address to the Mexican nation, AMLO stated that since the US government shutdown on this issue, "automatic weapons, drugs, and white supremacy terrorists have been flowing unrestrained over the border from the US into Mexico."

"Anything would be better than the present anarchy," he went on to say, "concrete, steel slats, beaded curtains, voodoo dolls!"

The only proviso is that Unprecedented Trump first release his tax returns, Trump's other unfulfilled campaign promise.

"Only Trump's tax returns and the Mueller investigation can reveal whether the US can be trusted to use Mexican funds properly to actually build the Wall rather than enrich the ruling clique's cronies and their foreign backers," AMLO stated.

The US Border Patrol has determined that a chain of Voodoo Dolls, rather than concrete, steel slats, or beaded curtains, would be the most cost effective Wall to deter illegal border crossings into the US.

About Me

I'm a research economist at UNU-MERIT (Maastricht, The Netherlands) and IIASA (Laxenburg, Austria) with a specialization in the economics of innovation, complex dynamics, economic growth and evolutionary economics. By the 2008 world crisis at the latest it became clear that macroeconomics, financial markets and economic policy cannot be entrusted anymore to mainstream economists. Hence this blog.