Friday, 14 June 2013

Complexion - a dark tale

Two of the
worst things you can be born as in this country are being born a girl and being
born dark-skinned. I inadvertently committed the crime of being born as both. One
of my parents was devastated when said parent was told I was a girl, while the
other was in tears when said other saw my skin tone—not the blushing cherubic
little flower the parent was promised. I choose to not disclose which parent
felt which emotion—one said parent reads this blog regularly, and the other one
seemingly gets regular updates from it.

That India is
obsessed with fair skin is a widely known, almost accepted fact. While
advertising for alcohol and cigarettes is illegal, and the manufacturers of
Rooh Afza are suing the makers of Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani because their
sentiments were hurt with some dialogue in the film, propagating fairness and
suggesting that dark women have no confidence, cannot get ahead in their
careers or will not get married, is perfectly acceptable and legal. Indians are
known as brown-skinned all over the world and very fair skin is less common
than dusky skin in the country, and yet, we all want to be fair.

I just read
somewhere how even the words attached to each are so loaded with prejudice—fair
(justice and equal) as opposed to dark (evil and twisty). I couldn’t agree
more.

I grew up
genuinely feeling bad about the skin colour I was born with—my mother and
sister are both far fairer than I am. My mother, apparently, was as dark as I
am, but once she moved to the US,
the air and fruits of a foreign country turned her into the Cinderella version
of fair. This was supposed to console me; that some day I, too, would be fair.

Relatives
would always tell me, “Oh my God, why are you / have you become so dark?” Umm,
you’ve seen me for years, when was the last time I was, err, fair? I still get
it. Every time I go back home, some relative or neighbour will tell me how I’ve
become darker. I’ve also been told how a photo of me with my very fair best
friend looks like a black and white one.

My mother
would return from weddings and give me a lowdown—what food was served, how the
groom looked and most importantly, how pretty (or not) the bride was. And so
very often I would get this: She was very pretty, rongta ektu chanpa (literally translated to her colour was a little
covered / suppressed, ie. she was dark), but still, pretty. As if it’s a holy
miracle that this girl with dark skin is pretty. How in God’s name did that
happen? Must’ve been a fluke.

I don’t
blame my mother. This is the country she grew up in, how progressive can she
be? As I grew up, I developed and kind of, well, blossomed into my own, and
started first accepting and then enjoying my ‘dusky’ skintone. People started
complimenting me on my complexion, and first boys, and then men, started to get
attracted to me largely because of the colour of my skin. I was initially
surprised but once that faded, I revelled in it.

Recently, I
was on a weekend trip with my bunch, and the conversation veered to this very topic.
My very opinionated friend seemed to take offence to the word ‘dusky’ as
opposed to ‘dark’. She believes that by using dusky as a euphemism for dark,
we’re further propagating this bias against the dark-skinned. Needless to say,
she is not dark-skinned. While I wholeheartedly agree with her principle, I
chose to sit this one out. Simply because she has not grown up with the kind of
jibes and insults you have to hear when you’re of a certain colour. For those
who have, and if they prefer to be dusky over dark, then so be it—whatever it takes
to not hurt your feelings or pick at a raw wound. So I understand the
preference of dusky over dark.

Frankly, I
no longer give a shit about how my complexion is termed. That’s not to say that
I didn’t grow up with a major complex, serious self-esteem issues (which,
honestly, are not all gone), and just very hurt at the fact that my close ones
thought me to be less beautiful than others because of something I was born
with and that was completely out of my control. Which is also a reason I never
use the word ugly, on principle. Or fat, for that matter, but these are for
another post.

The
entertainment industry the world-over today is flooded with ‘dusky’ women, and
more are still sought out. I am dark, dusky, chanpa, whatever you’d like to call it—but yes, I don’t cringe when
I look into a mirror, and that’s more than enough for my self-confidence.

Rehna tu, hai jaisa tu... you are a very brave person. Its not easy to untangle, unravel your skeins and lay bare the truths about yourself. And skein is a word. check out gerald manley hopkins... anyways... i sense a book here somewhere... pls plan to write one if you haven't yet... don't procrastinate. your writings have reminded me of something i've read of poet william stafford long ago... i looked it up -- don't have a prodigious memory --

Ask Me

Some time when the river is ice ask memistakes I have made. Ask me whetherwhat I have done is my life. Othershave come in their slow way intomy thought, and some have tried to helpor to hurt: ask me what differencetheir strongest love or hate has made.

please look him up and read more of him. i have a feeling you might like him...