Britney’s Banging Body Is Back

Britney Spears and her legendary abs are back, and thank God, right? She meant it when she sang in her song, Piece Of Me,

I’m Mrs. Extra Extra This Just In

I’m Mrs. She’s Too Big now She’s Too Thin.

We really can’t forgive her for gaining weight, ever. How dare she! She’s our Britney! We must confine her to a life sentence of abs as flat as America’s great plains and as rock hard as Nickelodeon Guts‘ Aggro Crag.

Extra extra this just in: Britney looks really great, and good for her! Here she is hanging out at someone’s house in Malibu. This is only the bazillionth time Ms. Spears has had to make some sort of declarative, “How I Got My Body Back” statement.

This time, it’s for Shape Magazine. She’s going to be their next cover girl. Of course everyone had to point out that she got KFC after the shoot. Well duh, you’re not going to eat KFC before the shoot. That’s just science.

Hopefully she’s losing weight and working out for herself, first, and not for anyone else. Job well done, Britney. I started working out last month in hopes of being bikini ready by May and I can say with 100% certainty that I will have all of Jillian Michaels’ workout DVDs memorized by then. “Look at these abs. You want these abs? I would, and I would do just about anything to get it. And I’m telling you, you have to work for it. These don’t come for free, people. Keep pushing. Let’s do five more.” As for toning up, that one I’m less sure about.

She never was. You see, a long time ago, right before her breakdown, Britney performed at the Video Music Awards looking less than totally ripped and more like a fit regular person. Ever since then, whenever Britney is photographed appearing to be in particularly good shape, someone has to say that she’s “back,” which sounds like a compliment but is really just a way to reinforce that she will never be forgiven for appearing onstage without six-pack abs.