MPs say the darndest things

As 2014 draws to a close, you may be familiar with the honourable members who introduced Canada to porno spies, bozo eruptions, and besmirchment-preventing cameras. Since even the most diligent observer of federal politics misses the occasional debate, committee meeting, and charity event; we’ve made you a list of some of the more memorable lines from 2014. You’ll just have to guess who said what.

1) CHANNELING ROGER EBERT
“It reminds me of the movie ‘Dude, Where’s My Car?’ I haven’t watched the whole movie; I just watched a little bit on TV one night. It’s about two guys who get stoned and drunk and can’t find their car in the morning. That’s, I think, the premise of the entire film,
but it sounds like it’s based on reality.”

2) SWEARING FOR CHARITY
“I’m going to tell you, there is no experience like stepping into this ring and measuring yourself… All the — your name, your fortune, your intelligence, your beauty — none of that fucking matters.”

3) RESTRAINT
“Min. Aglukkaq is making it SO hard to keep my pledge to never heckle.
That last whopper in QP was off the charts.”

4) RELEVANCE
“I could get up right now and talk about muppets, puppets, and other things with no relevance whatsoever to what is happening.”

5) WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?
“You referenced my best friend Jesus at the end of your treatise, and you seemed to imply that you know what he would do. I’m not so bold as to make a statement like that.”

6) BETTER REPORT NAMES
“I hope somehow or another that the researchers are able to work into the report the phrase ‘community planning around your anus.’ It seems to me it might even be a title for the report.”

7) THE MAKE UP OF THE HOUSE
“Mr. Speaker, dinosaurs still walk among us.”

8) THE HOUSE OF COMMONS CIRCUS
“The fact is, we are dealing with a report that is undermining the basic legitimacy of this parliamentary tradition, yet we see Bozo the clowns on the back bench jumping up and down
and cheering whenever the government throws red meat at them.”

1) Conservative MP Terence Young – May 6: During a health committee study on marijuana’s health risks 2) Liberal Leader Justin Trudeau – March 29: During the Fight for the Cure charity boxing match in Gatineau, Quebec 3) Green Party Leader Elizabeth May – Dec. 2: In a tweet 4) Liberal MP Scott Simms – September 29: During debate in the House on an opposition motion to change standing orders aimed and strengthening the Speaker’s hand in dealing with MPs making nonsensical or irrelevant replies to oral questions. 5) Conservative MP Ted Falk – November 3:During a public Safety committee meeting on Bill C-2, an Act to amend the Controlled Drugs and Substances Act 6) Liberal MP John McKay – June 3: During environment committee hearings on the disposal of solid waste 7) NDP MP Megan Leslie – June 19: In the House of Commons in response to Peter MacKay’s explanation for lack of women on the Bench. 8) NDP MP Charlie Angus — June 16: In reference to a concurrence motion on the ethics committee’s first report