Some Secrets Are Good, Really Good

I had the funniest conversation with my husband tonight. Most people will agree that all the junk that comes with an extramarital affair will mess up your sense of humor, too. There was a time when I didn’t find one thing funny. Not re-runs of 1980’s Saturday Night Live. I wouldn’t even pretend to crack a smile for a clever Knock-Knock joke.

I imagine some people won’t find one bit of humor in the title of this column. There was a time when I wouldn’t have thought this was funny, either. I hope you’ll change your mind just a little after you read a little further.

I do some volunteer work at a local organization and I was there this afternoon. One of the guys who works there was leaving to take his wife for some kind of procedure at her doctor’s office. Now I don’t know this guy very well at all. In fact, I’ve probably only spoken to him four or five times.

Today as he was leaving he made a point to tell me why he was leaving early. I didn’t care, but he told me anyway. Then he went into details. So this is the run-down I got. Wife had a baby six months ago. Still bleeding. Can’t stop the bleeding. Nothing is good because of the bleeding. She has to have this procedure to make the bleeding stop.

I was dumbfounded. I don’t know this guy and I got the personal details about his wife’s female condition. Really?

I was telling my husband about it earlier tonight and we started laughing about how some people just don’t know how to behave in polite society. He reminded me about one of his former co-workers that I had forgotten about. This guy would complain incessantly about his painful hemorrhoids. My husband would give me a daily update on the pain level and surgery probability of his co-worker’s bottom.

I was almost crying from laughing so much and then he said, “Some things should just stay secret. Secrets are good. Really good. I love it when people like this keep secrets.” This struck me so funny. Then we agreed that the secreter, the better when it comes to personal issues from people you don’t know so well – and even some people you do know well. I can’t really think of anyone that I want the details of their hemorrhoids.

There was a time when if my husband even said the word “secret” I’d be upset and angry for at least a day. I’m so pleased that we’ve come to a place that certain words – even in a different context – don’t trigger some terrible emotion or memory. It’s so wonderful to have fun with my husband again in a spontaneous and normal way!

I’d love to hear your thoughts! Drop me a comment if you have the time!

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Elizabeth Hanks
2 years ago

Learning to accept secrets is a sign of maturity, at least that’s what I think. Previously I used to get angry if my husband did not share anything with me. But nowadays I know that this does not count much. Everybody is entitled to secrets. What counts is the emotional bond we share.

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You crack me up, Leigh. It’s been a few years since my husband’s affair and we divorced because of it. I wish I’d had your blog back then – I needed a laugh or two during that time. We’re actually friends now with our kids all grown up. I told him about this blog and he’s read it a few times. He agrees that some comic relief helps. Please don’t stop!