Unpaid meal

About two months ago I organised a meal for a large group of people of various ages. It became so large that we all had to preorder our food and everyone was aware that if they didn't or couldn't go in the end, then they would have to pay for the meal they had ordered. Unfortunately this was the case for one young lady. I told her that I would pay for her and gave her my bank details to refund me. She was fine with this and upset she couldn't go due to an unforeseen work commitment. The following day I received a message saying she had done the transfer to my bank. I left it a few days and said that the money hadn't come through. She responded immediately being very apologetic and that she would speak to her bank.

Since then, we have sent a couple of emails to each other and she is genuinely sorry about the money not getting there and says she will sort it out. I believe her totally but just to add that she can be a bit flighty and ditsy sometimes.

I am at the point of thinking, oh well, it's not a great deal of money (£40) but my daughter was there too and I made it clear to my dd that I would not be paying for her meal as I have done so very many times in the past. This was not an issue and dd understood. However, I feel that because I didn't pay for my daughter, why in effect if I was to let this debt go, should I theoretically be paying for this other young lady's food IYSWIM. I have got to the point of feeling embarrassed about emailing again and asking for the money.

Completely agree with Vodka - email her every single day! She's got a brass neck to try and wriggle out of this (£4 you can let go, £40 you bloody get back!) so email, email email! I get so cross about things like this - can I email her on your behalf?!

Keep asking if neither forthcoming. Be polite, firm but not apologetic or embarrassed for asking. Keep asking until she coughs up.

Don't let it slide. If she's a very good friend and still hasn't paid up after a month, be prepared to drop her from your life. People who are 'ditsy' are often conveniently like that when it's other people's money at stake.

She should be embarrassed that you are having to keep asking! These people rely on you being embarrassed when they should be. I bet she's rationalised it as she shouldn't have to pay because she wasn't there, or that you can afford it. Screw that!

Paypal is the way to go. Quick, easy and no waiting around like you would with a bank. You have her email address already so you can send her a payment request. If she doesn't pay then you know she's taking the piss. Plus, she can't use the excuse she doesn't have a Paypal account because you're the one sending the request, not her.

Hi I've had this before and the person paid me, the money left their account but never made it into mine. My bank had put a stop on it and kept itin a holding account. It took three months to get it but the other person had done all they could. Ask her to send a screen shot of the payment on her computer (blocking all account details) and then take it into your bank to see if they have it on hold.

An ex friend did this to me. I paid for her night out because she forgot her debit card. I took out £100 for her and she only spent £40 during the evening. She went home with what was left and that was fair enough. On the Monday she was meant to pay me back but her husband took and picked up the kids from school so I didn't see her, this went on all week. In the end I went round and asked for it. She tried to fob me off again but I insisted. She eventually gave me £40 and tried to convince me that she had given me the change back on the night out. I was not drinking as I was driving so I remember clearly she took the money home. Her husband actually stepped in and gave me the rest I was owed! I later found out she had spent the change the next day on a new pair of jeans and stupidly boasted to one of our friends that I was paying for them (cheeky bloody mare!) Our mate thought she was kidding but when I mentioned the hassle I had she told me. I don't think anyone from our group keeps in contact with her because they've all had similar problems with her. I know it's not the same op but don't let it go. Ask every day if you have to. I hope you get the money back.

I don't mean to drip feed but she works in a bank but I do not know in what capacity. She has no internet banking, so she says and was going to set that up as initially she did the transfer manually. She is 22 if age makes any difference.

She will still have a reference from manual payment. Get her to ask for the SWIFT message from her bank (I am assuming she is abroad by you saying different countries) when she gives you that pass it to your bank and they can trace it back the way.

If you mean differ t countries like Scotland and Wales, SWIFT message will be I available but the bank should be able to trace it. Start by speaking to your bank to see if it's in a holding account. They will initally say no, ask to be pout through to the transactional team as CS won't have access to the information you need.

I would be doubting the existence of any transaction being made tbh though.

I agree, keep on asking her. DON'T take any excuse that she will throw at you. It really annoys me when people think it is fine for you to foot their bill and seem to think that it OK if they don't stump up the cash. I have had this happen to me on more than one occasion.