Diabetes with a smile–

guilt

I went to the doctor for my 3-month Diabetes checkup today. Everything was great. No surprise to me — I’ve been eating correctly, monitoring my blood sugar, and walking. Things have been looking up! She was happy, I was happy.

So, why is it that when I went to the store to get ice melt (FREEZING here in the northeast), I came out with JUNK? Why, why, why? AND, why didn’t I take out my Grapefruit Oil and smell it, in an effort to avoid the craving. WHY?????

UGH, SO frustrating.

Driving home, I never gave a thought as to what I’d purchased. When I started to put the items away, that’s when the realization smacked me RIGHT IN THE FACE! I was really upset and disappointed in myself. But evidently, not enough to toss the cookies and those cheddar crackers that I like so much into the garbage. Nope — I had 4 — count ’em, 4 chocolate chip cookies and a small bowl of the crackers. Truth? They tasted great! That was around three o’clock. By 4, the carb coma took over, and I had a “nap.” When I woke up, dinner time was approaching, and naturally I wasn’t hungry. The rest of the night brought misery — you know the deal. Remorse, embarrassment, anger, blah, blah, blah.

“Get a grip, Kathy!” I yelled at myself. That’s when I tossed “Satan’s food” into the garbage. Guilt: “There are people starving in this world, and you’re throwing out food?” Phrases such as this ran through my head. Thankfully, my answer was a resounding YES! Guilt is a wasted emotion, negative and hurtful. There’s no positive purpose in feeling guilty. I’m over it!

It’s kind of interesting how the brain works. I seem to crave sugar if I’m down, bored, hungry; but also, when I’m “up,” — like today. I was happy that all was well in my diabetes realm, so I guess I let my guard down. Lesson Learned!

It’s 11 p.m. now, and I’ll be going to bed soon with the knowledge that tomorrow will be another Day One. I’ll get up, eat breakfast, go to the mall — and walk, walk, walk. The good news is that I’m confident that tomorrow will be a good day. I’ve already written two post-its that I’m going to put on the dashboard of my car. One is a reminder; it simply says, GRAPEFRUIT! to remind me not to “slip,” and to use the tools I have. Written on the other post-it is one word: NO! Also, a simple reminder.

At the end of each day, I reflect on what took place during the course of my day that was positive and what was negative. I’ll review my “slip,” learn from it, and then I’ll let it go. Tomorrow’s another day in the life of this dedicated diabetic, and it’s going to be a GOOD one.