Relationship advice for Western Men and Thai Women

Sawasdee ka Friends, On this page I will answer any question you have about Thai culture , Thai style and about relationships with Thai women. So I invite you to please ask your question as a comment below and I will give you my honest answer as best I can for you on this page.

That way other people can get benefit of this Free information ka.

Angella

Question:

Hi Angella, How are you doing? Hope you and Dean are good. I recently set up a Thai Love Links profile which I know is very decent and truthful about myself.

On Thai Love Links there is an option to chat to another member on thesite, but the problem I find is when I start a conversation, they rarelyconnect to chat back.From what I have heard, Thai’s love to talk and someare offended if you don’t talk back to them. I have visited Thailand 3times before, and I notice how their culture is very different to mine,but I can not work this one out.

I love to read about Thai culture, and understand 99% of it, but hope youcan help me out with this small problem, and I appreciate any feedback Thank you, and keep up the good work on your website and everything else. Yours Sincerely. J

My Answer:

Hello Sawasdee ka J

Firstly well done for setting up a Thai Love links profile and wish yousuccess with that. Ok well there can be many reasons and I can’t comment on your profile but I think I can give you a few ideas.

First is that from my experience I know some girls do not know they canchat on that site.

Another reason is many girls may not be able to talk English..so they willbe shy to try cos they are not confident, sometimes some girls will be in a cafe online will get the owner or anyone there who can understand English to help…but if not they will not be able to chat and will fear to try.

So what can you do? Ok for start don’t give up and keep trying. Also perhaps learn a few words of Thai and start with that, no need to have bigconversation in thai just a few word to start….for example Sawasdee khabwhich is hello in Thai…you can get more words like that and how to saythem on my website at this linkhttp://www.thaigirlfriendadvisor.com/learn-thai-language-for-holiday-dating/

How is your profile? Remember many thai girl not able to read everything…Hope that help you J and Chok Dee

Angella

Question:

Hi Angella
Thanks so much for your tips. I got your e-book & found it to be theelusive obvious.
I can speak basic Thai & have been slowly learning the last few years. I can hold a basic conversation for 15 minutes or so with someone without using English before I start running out of vocab.

Your tip today was interesting because now that I can speak some Thai I havefound it more of a disadvantage in meeting woman. Sure if I want to know agirl who has a very basic English ability it helps but I am interested building a relationship with a woman who already speaks English well.

From my experience in meeting a dozen or so women over the last year or sowho were all educated Thai women with a good English ability they mostlyreacted negatively to my speaking Thai. One woman even told me she wouldnever date a guy who could speak Thai. It seems that many Thai womanautomatically brand any Fa Rang who can speak Thai a playboy.

What is going here? I can not understand the almost universal disapprovalthese woman had of Fa Rang men speaking Thai. Most of these woman I metwere based here in New Zealand but some where also in Bangkok.I just read your advise email & it seems to go against my experience so Iamcurious as to what your opinion is on this.Andy

My Answer:

Sawasdee Andy

Thankyou for your email ka, which I confess make me smile because itcorrect what you say about Thai women when you speak Thai to them. It istrue that if you speak Thai too good then it can make them think you arelike a playboy or have many Thai women or something like that.

What I advise in my tips to men who don’t know any Thai language is justto learn a few words and phrases for a first impression and just try as asign of respect to Thai people.

So Andy it’s not wrong you can speak Thai well and maybe you can explainto Thai women quickly that you just enjoy to learn and speak Thai good, sothey no need to worry and get you wrong.

Khob khun ka and hope you enjoy more my tips and website

Angella

26 Comments

mark

Hi Angelia,
I have been with a thai woman for just over 12 months & we recently had a traditional thai wedding in Surin at her parents home & was a great experience, I really love this woman & no she is not a bar girl but yes we met on the internet . in keeping with thai culture she has asked for a soraly ( i think thats how you spell it) which I give her even though I dont earn a lot of money but what I am concerned about is she puts this money aside for herself & wants to go shopping all the time & buy cloths , shoes & underwear aswell as jewellry & demands I pay for this on top of her soraly, now its not like she has never had cloths or shoes because I have seen what she has & she could open a department store with everything she has. this is really starting to get to me financially & emotionally as I want this marriage to work but I cant afford to keep doing this. how do I tell her without her calling me cheap charlie as she always does even though I told her from the first time we met that I am not a rich man.
Mark

I don’t know how old she is …maybe still young and maybe this the first marriage for her I’m not sure

But I would suggest you the best is to be honest by talking to her openly and directly as a husband and wife.
Maybe explain that economy is difficult right now and everyone must be careful with money.
Try asking her that she could really help and support you by finding ways to save money on everyday things,
be smart frugal not be wasteful and you believe she can do that very well.

With “cheap charlie” Mark you are awesome you know that, you are not cheap and nobody on this planet know you better than you know your self, so don’t let a few words destroy who you are.
Also I would like to suggest you say to her ” maybe you not know that is not nice thing to call me your husband “cheap Charlie” and it doesn’t help me feel motivated to earn more money”
You just being the generous person and say to her “maybe she does know that was upset to call you like that by give her the benefit that she doesn’t know how bad it was and let her know that you love her and forgive her and can let it go but don’t say that again”

Please say these things in a nice caring way with understanding and not to create a war between you. If this not work then come back to me.

So first alittle background about me…I am an exchange student in Rayong/Bangkok Thailand and I am 16 btw… I have been dating a thai girl for 2 months and I guess u could say things are getting alittle serious I was wondering what would be your advise if we were to study at the same university together ( we talk about this alittle bit) university is 2013 btw…I will stay in thailand untill 2012 and come back to usa and then apply for university in Thailand…

And another off topic question…. My gf is jealous alot i think? and she is really emotional sometimes…what is ur best reccomendation to handle a (spat, argument,dissagreement)

Thanks for your question and hope you are safe and still enjoy to living in my country as flood are happening in every part of Thailand.

Regarding your question.
“My gf is jealous alot i think? and she is really emotional sometimes…what is ur best reccomendation to handle a (spat, argument,disagreement)”

If thing like that happen to my son in teenage period like you guys…I will let him learn and get experience by himself…nothing wrong, nothing right if you can’t handle with that… you know what I mean?..
something happen without expectation and also the emotions can change any time without the reasons…and then later maybe 10 or 20 years you will understand more.
So what I will guide you to do is the same… time to learn and get experience.
the emotional ups and downs in teenage relationship are without any real reason
accept for the development of emotional maturity…This is one way for human to learn.

Sawasdee Angella,
I am a 41 years old who fell in love with a thai girl of 27 met casually on a dating site.
we’ve been together during my holiday, and now she applied a visa that she got to come visit me in my country, she should be coming soon.
I do love her a lot, even if we still don’t know each other well, this is why i am happy she’s coming here for some time, we can know each other better and see how we fits, not only on holiday time.
the reason why i am writing, is that i am worried she might only be acting and being looking only for easy money… i was reading from some forum about other people experience, and next to happy people who’s sharing their life i saw also bad stories.
One of the stories i read was talking exactly as it was happening to me, while i’m home i’ve been supporting her for many espences about the visa application, and for other stuff too, the broken laptop that needed to be fixed in order to allow us a video communication on skype, a lost wallet from her including some of the money i gave for the visa, an insurance stated to be costing more then what actually was, same as flight ticket, some money to payback the goverment a debt she had from school (is it possible?), the dentist, new passport, medicines,… in the beginning i was not noticing too much, being so excited i was supporting her to allow her to come visit me, but when i read on the forum about a guy saying that many girls from dating sites are acting like that (i’m sure not all of them) , making examples of the way to get money by farang as it occourred to me (the school debt, higher prices then really spent or help mom, that i did not hear yet), this until they find out that they cannot get more money so they will start beating again the date sites.
i was starting thinking she might be only acting (seems that some thai girls can do it very well) …and now the laptop is broken again, and crying she told me mom is having problem paying a debt she has with the bank!
off course she did not ask for my financial support directly, she never did… just underlining the difficulties she was meeting time by time waiting me to offer for help.
Now, even if i wanted, i could not help her since the money left are good just to support her while soon she will be here, if she ever will.
I really don’t know what to do now, i tried to explain her what’s my possibilities and my limits, what i have to offer her that we could share, at which she answered just that she does not care because she loves me.
but one day later… laptop is broken and mama does not have money to pay a debt.
i told her i have no money now to support (which is actually true), at which she answered that she did not ask for my money.
this is true.
It’s also true that she really got the visa, she had to go to bangkok to apply, that she used my money also to buy winter stuff that will not be of any use for her in Thailand, so it seems she is really interested to come and meet me, as i always believed.

Now what i am scared about is that i have been treated like a fool, but what is worst is that i don’t know how long she could have been playing this game (if she’s not honest, I mean).
In our talking it happen to mention a possible marriage, that is actually also the only way we could really live together, not every now and then just for holidays.
I love her, and i am ready to share everything i have with her, but how can i know if she’s only taking advange on me?
do you think it’s possible she might be acting, and that she might keep on until we marry just to get a quick divorce and get as much as she can from me?
any of your reccomendation is very welcome
Thanks in advance

Firstly let me tell you that you have done some good things already in this situation. To get to know each other better by spending more time together in your country is a good idea. Especially if you live more like a normal couple and not so much of a holiday time because you will get to see each other without the wonderful holiday feeling and atmosphere…however I do not know what country you are from?

It is also good that you have told her that you cannot pay anymore and that you have limit to your finances because this can be one way of testing to see if she will stay together with you if you do not support her financially.
To answer your question of “do you think it’s possible she might be acting, and that she might keep on until we marry just to get a quick divorce and get as much as she can from me?

She could be but it is difficult to say because I do not know very much about her background. Yes it is true that there are a lot of Thai girls who play this game with Farang. It does seem she is asking for many things from you financially which would seem too much for a relationship this young and I think even if she is genuine this could be a sign of things to come for you in a relationship with her as to be honest she does seem to be taking advantage of your generous nature.

Claudio you seem a nice and generous person and my advice would be to be very careful with what you offer and give this girl and you may have to be a little careful with how much access she has to your finances if/when she comes to your country. I am sorry that I have to be very honest with you Claudio because I know what you would prefer to hear but I have to say that I feel you might be in a high risk area here.

I have recently written a new post about this also which may give you some further perspective on your situation. You can read it at this link Online dating and Thai Girls

kokcheng

Hi Angella,
I would like to know whether Wat Ambhavan has been affected by the flood recently?I understand that you do go to this wat for meditation.I am really moved by the stories that I had read in the book,Fruit of Karma 2.How is the Luang Poh?Hope he is fine and well.By the way,how far is this wat from Bangkok?I would appreciate very much if you could let me know anything about this wonderful Abbot of Wat Ambhavan.My question is certainly not the usual ones.Hope you can be of some help.Thanks.

I just checked the flood situation in Thailand and good the news is that you can go to Wat Amphawan because there is no flood there but if you use Asia road maybe some still have floods so you better check before you go. Hot Line T. 1586

Q2. How is the Luang Poh? Hope he is fine and well.By the way,how far is this wat from Bangkok?

Laung Porh Jarun is fine (when I saw him last a few months ago)
The distance from BKK to Wat Amphawan ,Singburi province is around 140 – 174 Km. you can read more from the link below they also have Wat Amphawan website.

kokcheng

Hi Sawasdee kap Angella,
Thanks for taking the time to answer my questions.First of all I would like to express my sincere apologies for just having read your reply.I was away for a short holiday..
Yes,I need to check the flood situation in that area and thanks for the Hot Line.
Thanks for the link.
Take care.May you be by Buddha at all times,

I recently met a Thai girl on-line, and after about 6 months I decided to fly to Thailand from England to meet her. We had a great week together, and so we decided to move our young relationship on to the next step so speak, looking at a possible marriage in 2 may be 3 years.

It was at this point, I became a little suspicious.

I was advised that a Sin sot, would be about £10000, with monthly payments to her mother (father dead) of £400, and that I would also be required to pay my prospective Fiancée £600 each month to prove I could support her. Initial negotiations regards these figures, seem to have drawn a blank, particularly where the Sin sot is concerned.

It was at this point my Firewall went active!

Having browsed many of the forums now, I am getting more than a little concerned, as Sin sot is more usually in the amount of £1000 – £3000 including 2 or 4 Gold coins. Similarly I am finding reports that payments to parents are much lower, in the region of perhaps £100 – £300 every few months, and in some cases not all. To date, I can find no clear reference as to the cost of supporting your Thai girlfriend, and having read about Claudio’s problem, I am keen not to go down the same path. Interestingly my Thai g/f also now has a busted laptop, have Thai girls never heard of Anti-virus programs?

At this point, I am proceeding with extreme caution, I have made it very clear to said Thai g/f, I will not be paying £10000 Sin sot, and if she wishes me to send money to support her Mother in the years to come, she must also work and pay 50%. I won’t be sending money to buy a replacement laptop, though I have sent a little to her this month, as her office is still closed due to the floods, with her living/working in Bangkok, but it has been made very clear, it will not happen every month.

I don’t believe that all Thai girls behave in this manner, as this is the 2nd Thai girl that I have dated and flown out to meet, it was just unfortunate that it didn’t work out with the first g/f, as she was very different in character, never asked for any money and works very hard. The good news is that we are still occasionally in touch.

A little history about me. I was married in England for 21 years, until I found out about the ex-wife’s affair/relationship with another man for 6 years while I fought cancer. My life is now sorted and I have a good job with no debts. I don’t consider myself a tight-fisted git, though needless to say, I am a careful fellow these days and 2012 is posing a good question, Thailand to see g/f and scuba diving, or whether to say bye bye to the g/f and her over-pitched Sin sot and go to the Maldives on my own.

First thank you for joining Q&A and sorry for take a bit time to get back to you.
To be honest your story is a very classic with Thai and Farang relationships to consider and sensitive issue.

My advice is follow your heart.. You know if you not love her then you really have nothing to worry about,
But if you really love your Thai g/f and she sincerely loves you too
then you may think about going to meet her and talk to her about what you can do and what you can’t, like Sin Sot
and financial support..If her love is true and not just about your money,then love will find a way to keep you both together.
but if not..then it’s good to clear that situation with no regret and go happy on your own way

In fact I have it in mind to write an article on this site about the detail of Sin Sot which many westerners may not know
but for your information I can tell you that you have a right to choose whether to pay that or not as well as
the money to support her Mum and herself each month…..that is her own request and nothing to do with Thai culture to ask that from a fiancee.

Brett

Hi,
I meet a Thai lady on the net about 6 months ago and we still swap emails every day, her writing in english is very good but she can’t speak english, is this common for thai lady to write and spell in english but not speak the language. I want to put her in some english classes to help her speak english, 7500baht for a 40hour course.
Look forwart to your comments.

Anawin

Sawasdee Angella,
your site is great,I wish i had seen it many years ago.

I have been learning thai for 2 years and it is real really fun to talk to thai people.
I still make a lot of mistakes when speaking thai and this gives a lot of funny situations. most thai people love to see farrang trying to speak thai.

However the better i become in speaking thai, i see things changing, thai people don’t give me the compliments of put thai keng maak any more, but start to talk more about family and there lives. I did not except this to happen like this, thai women always seams to have new suprises for me.

This makes me wonder, what do thai girls think about farrangs that are fluent in Thai
(central Thai, not isaan!).
and how will they react. (พูดตฺรงตฺรงคฺรับ ไม่ต้องเกรงใจนะคฺรับ)

Sawasdee ka Anawin, I truly like your name..It sounds like Thai name. Is it?
firstly thanks for visiting my site and secondly I’m glad to see you enjoy learning my language.
Regarding to your question and I will พูดตรงๆแบบไม่เกรงใจแน่นอนค่ะ ^O^

” This makes me wonder, what do thai girls think about farrangs that are fluent in Thai and how will they react.? ”

The reaction would be….

1. Surprise!
2. Impress
3. Curious & Want to talk more

Then would think…..

1. Why does this farang speak Thai so clear
2. He might have a Thai gf / wife or if not
3. He might be a farang jaw choo (womaniser) but if not
4. He may stay in Thailand long time

They are simple thinking and simple reaction for Thai people
and of course they will have positive and negative ideas about you as It depends on their attitude. I hope you still enjoy pood pasa Thai and my culture.

Steve

Hi,
I am divorced man… have very good heart, but financially… not rich… have good job though and live paycheck to paycheck. I absolutely adore the thai culture, and the moral understandings, and attitudes… I recently met a wonderful thai woman. I mean, i truly love her, and i know that she loves me as well. She will be coming to my country to live here.. we are planning to marry… and then as soon as we can save enough money, go back to thailand for traditional wedding, and to do right thing for her family. Then eventually to retire in Thailand… (I have children from my failed marriage that I must stay here with and provide for until they are old enough). My only (slight) concern… is that she has never been married, never had boygriend, and although we have talked in depth about how marriage takes trust, faithfulness, and committment, honesty and loyalty… and how we are to become one, and always share, give, respect, sacrifice for each other… and she always overwhelmingly agrees… I sometimes worry about the fact that she has had no prior experience with marriage… and i hope that she does not have a farytale dream of what marriage will be like… should i be concerned?… or am I just being skiddish, or overly concerned for no reason… I mean, from your experience… will a virgin bride be able to understand the work involved in marriage, and the true sense of committment, and ability to overcome all trials… etc. She says that she understands, and has same mindset as I…
Any thoughts, or comments… knowing Thai culture, (she comes from a conservative buddhist family)… I absolutely adore her, and love her with all of my heart… even though we have only been able to talk online using video… I am completely sure that I want her as my wife.

I HAVE BEEN DATING AND THE LAST 2-YEARS VERY SERIOUSLY DATING A “SOUTHERN THAI LADY. WE ARE BOTH OLDER…I AM 57 & SHE IS 49….I HAVE MET HER ENTIRE FAMILY, WHICH TOOK OVER 2-YEARS TO DO. I HAVE SPENT MANY WEEKENDS AND LONG HOLIDAYS WITH HER MOTHER AND I ATTENDED HER FATHERS PASSING, WAKE AND FUNERAL….SHE SEEMS SO DIFFERENT THEN THE THAI GIRLS AND LADIES I HAVE MET IN BANGKOK OR EVEN UP NORTH.

SHE IS VERY CLOSED AND HOLDS HER FEELINGS VERY TIGHT TO HER….SHE HAS SHARED SOME. SHE WAS MARRIED BEFORE AND HAS AN 11 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER. SHE DIVORCED 1-YEAR AFTER HAVING THE BABY….DUE TO AN INFIDELITY PROBLEM WITH HER THEN HUSBAND….WHAT A JERK AS SHE IS THE MOST WONDERFUL LADY I HAVE EVER MET..SHE TELLS ME THAT SHE WAS NOT INTERESTED IN MEN OR EVEN LOOKING WHEN WE MET…..IT IS JUST TRYING TO FIGURE HER OUT….I AM AT A TOTAL LOSS…..SHE SPEAKS ENGLISH BUT NOT AS GOOD AS SHE UNDERSTANDS ENGLISH, VERY WELL. SHE HELPS ME WITH MY THAI…I AM LEARNING! I ASK HER MANY TIMES ABOUT BUDDHISM AND SHE EXPLAINS LITTLE BITS HERE AND THERE…..THEN TELLS ME THAT WHEN I LEARN TO SPEAK THAI SHE WILL TAKE ME TO HER MONK…WHO I HAVE MET 3-TIMES NOW…AND HE WILL TEACH ME…

WE WANT TO GET MARRIED AND PROBABLY WILL THIS YEAR IF ALL GOES WELL…..WHAT CAN YOU TELL ME ABOUT SOUTHERN LADIES PLEASE. SHE IS SWEET, SHE IS KIND, SHE COMES FROM A VERY WELL TO DO FAMILY AND SHE IS “EXTREMELY” CONSERVATIVE WITH HER FEELINGS, SHOWING EMOTION, SHOWING LOVE, TOUCHING, HOLDING HANDS, KISSING ETC….IN 5-YEARS I HAVE GIVEN UP KISSING THE WAY WE DO IN THE WEST AND SHE HAS TAUGHT ME “SNIFF KISSING”…..FIRST TIME SHE DID TO ME…..I THOUGHT IT WAS VERY STRANGE AND MAYBE SHE WAS TRYING TO SEE IF I WAS SEEING ANYBODY ELSE….I NOW KNOW THAT THIS IS HER WAY……..I HAVE LEARNED ALOT…BUT THE SOUTH SEEMS SO DIFFERENT THAN THE REST OF THAILAND.

dalamarr

Sawasdee khab Angella.
First of all i have to say thank you for your website. I can learn a lot about Thai culture.
I have thai gf from 5 months ago. She is so sweet, she doesn´t work at bar, and i really think she is not a bad person.
But when we had been together for 3 months, she began to speak about marriage.
She speak about it like speaking about busines. She said i don’t have to pay for sim sodt, but i have to buy condo and car for we can marry.
I had tell her many times i´m not rich farang, but she say thats not a problem for her.
However, she said to me many times she want to come to my country for stay with me, but she doesn’t have enough money, so i have to use my money for make it.
I think she isn’t bad, but i don´t know if the way that she speak is normal.
The way we meet was because she was staff on my hotel, and i speak with her for come with me for take a beer. At first time she didn’t come, but in my second travel, i was not guest from her hotel, and she came with me.
For you can understand the situation i can tell you about her: she is a so beautiful lady that works like staff at hotel in Patong. I know she had never been a lady bar, but i know that sometimes she had a “boyfriend” that give her money every month for “take care her”. She speak with me long time every day, and one time i went to see her, she told me that i had to give her money for can take a leave from her work for stay with me, because if she don’t go work, she don’t get salari.
I never give her money, never buy for her jewels, but she still want to be with me.
My question is: Do you think that lady is good lady? Or she just want to get married quickly for make busines with it?
Is it normal that a thai lady speak about money like her?
Thank you Angella, and sorry about my english

abdul

Rudolf

Hi Angela ,
I was in Bangkok in May this year and met a girl in a bar who i fell in love with .
We spent most of my holiday together and got on really well .
She told me about her family and some very personal things about her which i thing bargirls do not usually do .
I am going back in August to see if it will work between us .
I offered to help her with money if she needs but she said she will only take it when she really needs it .
In the meantime she is still working in the bar .
We are still in contact and she said she will wait for me and meet me again when i return in August .
Could you please tell me if i am being foolish to continue this relationship or any other advice please .
I think sometimes we as western men misunderstand how Thai girls think .

Ade

Angella

I visit Chiang mai every year. I have met an intrigueing lady Ou.
She often visits CU corner which is a Farang orientated music bar. She did work in this bar some time ago. The lady staff from this bar cannot be bar fined but many do arrange dates with the customers.

I have been friends with Ou for about one year. In that time I have never seen her go on a date. Ou likes to go to moo kata when I go on holiday. Sometimes we just meet for a meal or drinks at CU corner. Often Ou buys me drinks even though this embarasses me and often cooks food and brings it to CU corner for me. I have offered to take Ou out for a meal rather than have her cook but she always refused.

Can Ou be trusted as a good Thai girl even though she has been around farang bars?
Is it acceptable to make a proposal for a date.