Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Help Me Be a Nicer Person

So help me out here, you guys. I have a close friend at work who is driving me a little nuts. She's a really sweet girl and I do like her a lot, but she has some annoying habits.

Is there a polite way to say:

"If you can't stop yawning every two seconds, can you at least cover your mouth?"
"This music blows goats. If you don't turn it off, I may go postal."

Also, what is the proper response to "I just can't seem to keep any weight on!" (She's a skinny blonde, of course)? Because here is how that conversation goes in my head:

Barbie: I'm letting myself eat anything I want, because I just can't seem to keep any weight on!
Me: *eyes narrow* *growls low in throat* *pounces on Barbie, ripping her limb from limb*

Since that's prohibited by law, and I do genuinely like the girl and would miss her if I ripped her limb from limb, I usually just stare at her and blink a few times. Then I try to remind myself that we all have body issues, whether we're dealing with too much weight, too little weight, or weight not in the right places and her body issues are just as legitimate as mine, as annoying as they may sound to me.

134 comments:

i can't think of any NICE way to say any of those things. i mean, if you want to be passive aggressive, the response to "i can't keep any weight on!!" is to look at her with a critical eye and say "....really? not even around.. like.. your thighs..?" ;-)

I remember Miss Manners saying for the music one something like "Do you mind if I turn this down/off? I keep getting distracted by it, and I want to hear every.word. of this story. Now tell me what so-and-so said about such-and-such!"

For the weight one, I'd have to think about that but I'd be aiming for a good-humored "world's tiniest violin playing world's saddest song"-type gesture---unless she really is having serious problems with her weight loss and is under scary medical care for it. If she's a moderately bright person she knows the difference between a sympathetic problem and an unsympathetic one ("I just CANNOT spend all this MONEY! It's such a BURDEN to have to keep hiring ACCOUNTANTS to keep track of it!")---and ANY problem shouldn't be repeated over and over again until everyone's sick of it. (My test for making sure a response is okay is to see if it would work the other way too, and this one would: if I kept endlessly complaining about not being able to take weight OFF, a good-humored tiny-violin gesture would be appropriate from a good friend; it would be similar to saying "Psh, you're gorgeous, stop it!" But of course this depends on the type of relationship you have.)

Swistle - thank you for the great advice! I really don't think she does realize the difference between a sympathetic problem and an unsympathetic problem. She's a little obtuse about the way she comes across to other people. Maybe I'll see if I can gently point out to her that hers is an unsympathetic problem. Thank you - I really hadn't thought of that angle.

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