John Morillo is just a bro’s bro with a little bit of confidence in his swimming abilities and the balls to back it all up. The other night, as he was tipping a few brewskis back with his brohams, Morillo was finally fed up with his pals questioning his claims that he could swim from Windsor, Ontario to Detroit, across the Detroit River, so he jumped in and went for it.

And he would have gotten away with it, if it weren’t for you meddling harbor masters!

“The harbour master was extremely mad at me,” said Morillo. “I don’t know, maybe they pulled him out of bed or something.”

Morillo said he’s also been barred from any city property on the waterfront. Besides that, he had his irate mother to deal with.

“She just hung up on me,” said Morillo. “She said ‘you’re just so stupid.’” (Via the Windsor Star)

Ontario – it’s Canada’s answer to Florida.

MLB: Rays at Red Sox – 7 PM ET on ESPN

Man, those Tampa Bay Rays sure are on fire. I bet their fans are loving every second of this run for first place. All six of them! Hit me one time, Monkey Drummer!

Basketball: The Under-17 AAU Super Showcase – 7 PM ET on ESPN U

Tune in tonight and watch a bunch of kids who might be the future of the NBA show off their skills while a bunch of teenage girls down the street get lessons from Vanessa Lopez on how to properly secure their financial future with the appropriate abortion contracts.

WWE Main Event – 7 PM ET on ION

People will shout at each other and then fight. It’s like Congress but with better acting.

I take umbrage with your “Ontario is Canada’s answer to Florida.” comment. Windsor might be Canada’s answer to the 10th or 11th shittiest city in America. But you guys have so many shitty places that are so much shittier, comparing Canada to America in terms of a) stupid acts b) dumb laws c) anything is just absurd.