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april fool?

Perhaps. Some might say (and have said as much already), “HELL YES!” You see, I have decided to put down my Iphone for the month of April. And when I say put down, I mean put down. I don’t mean Instagram abstinence or a (necessary) refrain from texting while driving. What I mean is that my phone is currently turned off and locked up in my glove compartment. It was actually in a drawer in my house until I had the sense to take Murphy’s Law into consideration and the guaranteed emergency roadside situation that would ensue had I left it in said drawer. But beyond an unforeseen and very real crisis, I will not so much as look at it for the next thirty days. I’ve shared my plans with a few close family members and friends, plus key acquaintances like our babysitter and the kids’ preschool. The responses have ranged from “wow, that’s brave” to “good luck” to “wait, no cell phone?!” My personal favorite so far is my dear, supportive husband’s: “Do notgo turning into some crazy hippie. If this starts messing up my life, I’m going to be really mad.” To be sure, we do lead busy lives, we do have children, blah blah blah. But thirty days isn’t going to kill anyone.

The truth is, I am a bit of a hippie. But the bigger truth is that I have an Iphone problem, probably not unlike the majority of my entitled American peers. I do text, email and Google while driving. I do work at all hours of the day due to easy access to my email. I do not walk past my phone without checking things out. If I pick it up and there is no missed text, call or email, then I don’t put it down until I make that phone my bitch. I will order that candle I desperately need on my Amazon app, I will Google “how many carbs can I eat per day and still lose weight” (oh for the love of God, yes, I’ve given up carbs for April too), I’ll do a quick scroll through Instagram or I will simply email myself a reminder to do something at some later point in life. Often enough while I’m obsessing over these insanely pointless activities, my children are asking me questions about Inspector Gadget, my husband is trying to tell me about his day and my poor dog just wants a little butt scratch action. And I am ignoring all of them. Real life, real moments are happening all around me and I am missing so many of them because of this seemingly perfect little piece of technology. Don’t get me wrong, I love technology. My career depends on it, for one thing, and there isan infinite number of positive uses for technology in our lives. This blog, for example. I don’t have to be a published author in order for people to enjoy my writing. My dogs never go hungry because I have their food arriving on a very specific Amazon Subscribe and Save shipment schedule. I will never be lost again unless my Iphone dies and I forget the charger (hmmmm….). You get the point. What I’d like to see come out of this cold turkey experiment is just a more moderated version of my Iphone-loving self, not a “crazy hippie.” As I’ve already made clear to so many of my near and dear and most certainly to my husband, I’m saving that phase for retirement.