“To conquer frustration, one must remain intensely focused on the outcome, not the obstacles.” ~ Ben Carson

NOTE: This is a guest post from the wonderful Linda Hewett who blogs at Positive Spin Blog.

Why do we expect life to be obstacle free?

In our imagined ideal world we don’t expect difficult situations to get in our way. We should be able to sail through life ‘s seas without any storms. Problems and obstacles only taunt other people.

Who are we kidding?

I’m here to reassure you that whatever obstacles life dares to dump in your way, you can deal with them.

Here are my 5 Foolproof Strategies To Deal With Life’s Obstacles

“The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.” ~ W. Bagehot

1. If you can’t change the obstacle, change your mindset.

A true story:

My lovely neighbours share the boundary to our garden. But their conifer ‘hedge’ grew so tall that it created a dry and shady border in my garden. All my plants died.

Ok, I could have had a hissy fit, got cross, jumped up and down about it, but instead I chose to change my mindset.

I consulted my trusty gardening books to discover which plants would enjoy a dry, shady home. I made my list, drove to the garden centre and started work on my new, shady border. I no longer had an obstacle! I had a new feature in my garden! I accepted the situation and turned it around to my advantage.

You can do the same.

If you can’t change the obstacle in your life, you can still change your mindset. You can choose to react in a different way and the obstacle will begin to shrink. What starts as an immovable obstacle becomes an opportunity instead.

2. Be ‘grown up’ about it.

When you came up against obstacles as a child, it was so simple to burst into tears. You may even have stamped your feet until someone rescued you.

But now you’re all grown up, (I keep waiting for that to happen, by the way…) and you have to deal with it yourself now. You have all the skills you need, all you have to do is use them.

Let’s say your obstacle is that you have to find a new job.

OK, you could burst into tears and stamp your feet, of course. That’s an option.

Or you can sit yourself down and deal with it. You can update your resume, start a daily scan of vacancies, talk to past employers about possible openings, take a course to update your skills, take a volunteer role in your field, which might become a paid post.

The possibilities are endless.

I’m not pretending you’ll find that elusive new job overnight but at least you’re shrinking that obstacle.

Once you make yourself face the obstacle, you’re on your way.

3. Brainstorm your track history and learn from it.

Think carefully about all the obstacles – large or small- that you’ve overcome so far in your life. For each of these, you employed at least one skill or strength. Think about how you viewed the situation before and after. Work out why you were able to overcome each one.

If you’ve visited my blog, you’ll know that I suffered a serious stammer in my teens. I hated it. I thought I’d never be able to realize my goal of becoming a teacher if I had to think about every word before I said it. My self-esteem plummeted and I had no faith in my ability to overcome this emotional and social obstacle.

Today I very rarely stammer.

In fact, I can hardly remember when I last did. I conquered it with the help of a speech therapist who helped me believe in my strength of will to chase the stammer away. It took time and patience. I used strengths and skills that I didn’t know I had until I needed them.

You’re capable of so much more than you know. All you have to do is believe it!

4. Is your road blocked? Take the diversion.

We all know how it feels when we make a new plan. Excitement fills our mind, we smile all the time, we can’t wait to get started. As we wait at the starting line, full of purpose and intention, someone changes the rules. We freeze. This is not how it’s meant to be. The road is supposed to be clear.

That’s what happened to me.

We were on our way to Devon to visit my brother and his wife. About an hour and three quarters away. Everything was good – the sun shone, not too much traffic and we sang along to our music.

Until we saw the backed up line of cars up ahead.

Road works. Yellow diversion signs everywhere. This would mean we’d take longer to get there. What if we got lost? What if we ran out of petrol (gas, for the Yanks in the house)? Suddenly everything changed. We were both in a bad mood and the sunshine disappeared from our world. The trip seemed doomed.

How wrong we were!

Following the unexpected detour, we drove through achingly beautiful villages, down farm lanes edged with wild flowers, past fields of ripening corn, edged with poppies. We saw so much that we’d have missed had it not been for the detour. The diversion enhanced our journey.

So you’re all set with your holiday plan? Excited about it? Waiting at the airport? And then… your flight’s delayed. By five hours. Time for that diversion!

So you buy that just-published paperback from the book shop and find a quiet place to sit and read. Or you take a seat in the cafe and watch people, making notes for your next blog post (well, that’s what I’d do). Or you chat to the person next to you and discover how much you have in common.

When obstacles arrive there’s always a detour. You just have to look for it. And enjoy the unexpected route you take.

Obstacles can be scary. They catch you unaware. You feel overwhelmed.

That is until you take a different view and realize that you’re far more resourceful than you thought you were.

Obstacles? Don’t be silly … only opportunities in disguise.

Over to you:

• What obstacles have you had to face?
• What helped you overcome those challenges?
• Did a detour pop up? Did you take it? Did it lead to something better?
• We would love to hear about it in the comments below!

________________________________________________________________

Linda Hewett is a writer, confidence coach and blogger. She blogs at Positive Spin Blog where she provides Practical Confidence Solutions for her readers. Writing is her passion and she loves the connections that blogging brings. She was delighted to be asked to contribute an article about happiness to Ken’s eBook. (Editor’s Note: The eBook is taking much longer than anticipated, but it is still coming! I promise! No, really!)

42 Comments

tough times are unavoidable
its always good to be prepared to face them by reading such posts
i hope that we all get what we want in life and overcome our obstaclesfarouk recently posted … How success can lead to failure

This is beautiful Linda! So many good ideas here and I’m especially enamored of the action you took in #1. We think we’re grown up but inside, we really aren’t most of the time 😮 I think the problem is our relationship with problems. What’s your first response to them? My daughter told me recently that her response is something I taught her (and more often than not forget) – you have a problem? you need a plan. All the points you outline are wonderful plans!
Thanks for this!
LoriLori Gosselin recently posted … What Would You Do?

You are so right, Lori. We age outside a lot faster than we age inside, don’t we! In some ways, that’s good. I know I don;t feel my age. Young at heart. But in other ways, we get in the way of our own happiness.

PS: Great seeing you here, Lori. I’ve had fun commenting at your place lately. Always a great conversation going on over there!

Those are such simple yet perfect ways to get round and over obstacles. I do cry and stamp my feet when frustrated and having let the brat in my play out her part, allow the adult to take over and suggest ways to find a solution 🙂 Thanks for sharing, Linda and Ken!Zephyr recently posted … Mega stores or mega sores?

We do like to stamp our feet in righteous indignation (or so we convince ourselves!)! 🙂 But things always work out better when the adult is invited back home. Solutions work a lot better than whining, for sure.

When we don’t have much confidence in ourselves, it can be an additional challenge to deal with external challenges and obstacles. I would suggest as the first step to start reading uplifting books and blogs that will help you to begin to see life and yourself differently, reprogramming the way you interpret your past and who you are. As you do that, specific ways of dealing with your challenges will start to be clear.

Remember, though, that you have the spark of the divine within you and have potential that is truly breath-taking. Holding onto that thought may help you get past the most difficult obstacles on your way to feeling better about yourself.

Personal growth (no matter the area) is a step-by-step process. So be patient as you learn and grow.

Hi Linda! Just wanted to thank you for the wonderful guest post you contributed. I’m thrilled you chose M2bH as your inaugural step into the world of guest posting! 🙂

My favorite thought you so eloquently shared is the idea of taking life’s diversions (detours here in the U.S.) and enjoy the adventure they can be, as we go to new places, see new things, experience unexpected changes to our preplanned days.

Sometimes obstacles and detours can be great big hints that we are to take another path. The trick is seeing them as such and not as something that holds us back. But that’s all about mindset and not being afraid to try a route not planned for. Really loved your story about looking for an alternate type of plant for the hedge issue – great way to think!Lisa recently posted … The Food Post That Almost Wasn’t

Nicely said, Lisa. I like the idea that we get these hints to take a new paths, to leave the road we’re traveling for something better. And you’re right about the importance of being able to identify when those hints come.

When are obstacles meant to build perseverance, commitment and endurance in us and when are they messages to change course? That’s the $64,000 question. Any ideas on making such life-changing discernment?

A $64,000 question indeed, Ken. Discernment is probably the best way to look at it rather than any sort of quick or easy choice. To me, discernment is a process, an exploration. Likely, we won’t know if it’s time to make an opportunity out of an obstacle right away. It would take time to think, examine circumstances, consider options, weigh pros and cons, and pray. Perhaps the best path to an answer is to continue to actively work through these processes and be open to whatever answer may finally present itself. That answer may be to stay the course or to move on, but without being open to all possibilities we can only feel stuck and hopeless.Lisa recently posted … Five Friday Favorites with the Rotten Cats

Thanks so much for your answer, Lisa. It was perfectly said. I especially appreciated the inclusion of prayer and working through the process until an answer reveals itself. A great process for discerning when to push through and when to find the detour.

I really appreciated the foolproof methods. It is so fitting to my “Rhino” mentality. Whenever a rhino is faced with an obstacle he will try to go around, underneath, or over. If that doesn’t work, then he will just plow right threw it! That is what I mean by my “rhino” mentality or philosophy.

Thanks for the response! I wanted to add a bit more about the “Rhino” mentality as it means to me. It is not just about plowing through things and being strong in that sense. Rather, it is to be powerful and strong enough to generate the creativity needed to find the detours in life. Thus sparing the need to crash through things. Much like a Navy SEAL who will use their minds to control situations and will only use violence as an extreme last resort. I feel that a powerful life warrior (much like a Rhino) is not just solid in the physical sense but, solid mentally, emotionally, and spiritually enough to creatively identify detours when needed. When we crash and plow through is a sign of needing to work on our wellness so we can grow and identify that detour next time.

Thanks for the feedback and signing up at my website. I am just getting started and am looking for that platform to help others.Chris Swenson recently posted … The Greatest Gift You Can Give

Powerful creativity and discernment is, of course, ideal. But the tricky part (as Lisa commented on) is discerning which times the obstacles in life are set there to build moral and psychological muscles as we climb and push and work through the challenges and those that are nudges to veer to the right or left.

In partial answer to this potential dilemma is your suggestion that we can learn retrospectively from the times we crash through and find a mess is made in the crashing. Certainly experience should temper and modify the Rihno’s tendency to charge through ans ask questions later.

Thanks for the thoughtful comment, Chris. Going to go check out your site now. 🙂

Hey, I have one those mentalities too, Chris! 🙂 I tend to push through obstacles more than figure out a way to recast the obstacle as something no longer in opposition. Linda’s post hit home for me too.

I just left a comment but screwed up when typing my website into the response fields. I guess another day demonstrating my humanness to the world. Isn’t it great not being perfect?!Chris Swenson recently posted … The Greatest Gift You Can Give

Just came back from your blog. Like what you’re doing. I read over the post on training yourself to be happy and liked what you said about happiness not being an event. You also sited an important study that suggests happy people and unhappy people don;t live fundamentally different lives, but that unhappy ones think about those parts that are not particularly happy twice as much.

Obstacles are also teachable moments; so, instead of trying to avoid or divert, plow through! You’re sure to come out sweeter for the sweat equity.Jayme Soulati recently posted … Then We All Flocked To Google+ Communities

I like this, Jayme. We build moral and emotional muscles by using them, by working through and over problems. If every time we bump up against a challenge, we bend and turn, our perseverance and commitment muscles will be left wanting. It is in pushing against the resistance that we become strong.

Still, at other times, people have bloodies their heads and ruined their finances and estranged their families as they’ve butted heads against life’s obstacles. So how do we know one from the other? Hmmm…

Great advice, Linda. I’ve had a few obstacles in my life. The one I currently deal with is; living in poverty with debilitating illness. So, rather than wallow in self-pity, I joined a group called ALIV(e) – Awareness of Low Income Voices, helped them set up a blog and spoke at two city council meetings about our group and the work we do. Our blog posts are featured on a national website and I’m involved with a national task group that is planning a 2013 national convention. After spending more money than I had on “make money now” programs trying to get out of poverty, I figured I may as well really get into living my reality. Once I did, many new opportunities have presented to me. It’s amazing! And, I’m loving what I’m doing. I’ve had a book on my shelf titled, “Do What You Love and the Money Will Follow” for many many years. Trouble was, I never knew what it was that I loved doing. An obstacle has turned into an opportunity. Who knows what could happen. I’m open to see where it goes. Thanks for the post, Linda. It’s nice to meet you here on Ken’s blog. Happy New Year and all the best in 2013!Marianne recently posted … The Future is Now

I’m just thrilled to hear about you finding work you love and that opportunities are turning up. You are an inspiration! I like this line: “I figured I may as well really get into living my reality.” There seems to be something about fully accepting reality as it is that opens us up to seeing in that reality opportunities to help others, claim a voice, and transform that reality into something more.

Thanks so much for sharing that experience here and some of the obstacles that have become opportunities.

A blessed day
I would like to know what is a Confidence Coach and how to specialized in this study and where is it given.
Please this article has open my eyes to more knowledge about helping others gain more confidence and reach their goal in life.
Many thanks and God bless you with all His wisdom & knowledge.
W. F. A. E.
CURACAO
Neth Antilles
West Indisch

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About Me

My name is Ken Wert, the founder of M2bH. My purpose here is to teach you how to live a richer life of greater purpose and meaning, of mind-blowing possibility and deeper, more soul-satisfying happiness than you ever dreamt was possible. Join us on this happy adventure as you learn how to unlock your hidden potential to enjoy the rewards of a life well lived. Read more ...