Appearance

Anyone out on the interwebz and beyond who claims to be a feminist, a liberal, a progressive, you love gay cakes, #MeToo, #NeverAgain, pussy hats, et cetera

Any of you who joked about, put down, cut down and/or slut-shamed Kim Kardashian West

GIVE IT A FUCKING REST

Hasn’t it been long enough? Ok, she had the blow job thing with Ray J, but who is more famous? Richer? Sexier? She has built her career, her family, into this all encompassing pop culture yet political sphere.

I, unfortunately, have nothing in common with Kim. I wish I did! Her waist is tiny. She has professional hair and make up people. A brand! An equally famous husband, who I think kinda made Kim cool, I feel like she has some cred. Oh, yeah, and she is a multi-year millionaire!!

What else do you want from her? To go to dental school?! Find the cure for HPV or HIV? Whatever. Which one’s worse?

Give it a rest. It’s all I’m asking. She helped, yes helped(!), get that woman out of jail. Regardless of the weird ass, reality TV road that got us all here…

She truly has MADE something of herself.

She made a bad mistake once – on film. Ok maybe more. But c’mon. A lot of us should be thankful the world wide web didn’t exsist when we were in high school/college and most of our “girls on film” momemts sit dormant on 35mm, or 110 or disc(?) collecting dust.

Can’t we all just get along? Look at what we are up against! Give credit where credit is due.

Please. She turned out okay, alright?

Try giving her compliment. Go ahead.

Ok. That’s it. I just needed to do that girl power wonder woman thing!

Like this:

Many years ago I bought the game “Would You Rather…” I seriously could not tell you how to actually play it because honestly, I just adore the questions it asks and nothing else. Their answers tell a lot about a person. So I’m more interested in asking people these questions than playing the game. So I had a couple of the cards hanging around my desk, and randomly picked one to write a blog post. Let’s begin:

First category is Pain | Fear | Discomfort.

Question: Would you rather sleep naked in a 10-foot by 10-foot room with 100 black widows OR ten rattlesnakes?

JMo answer: Ugh. Already I’m stumped. I detest spiders, so by default I have to go with the rattlesnakes. Not that I love rattlesnakes or anything. But the beauty of these questions is that you have to choose one, even when they are both disgusting and hard.

Second category is Appearance | Embarrassment.

Question: Would you rather wear pantyhose pulled over your head, without explanation, the next time you go to do some banking OR wear an “I love Bill Clinton” T-Shirt to the Republican National Convention for the whole day?

JMo answer: Ok seriously…this is EASY. I do love Bill Clinton. And bitch please – I OWN that shirt already! So fuck yeah I’m wearing it to the RNC for the whole day. PLUS, banking? Who the hell goes into a bank anymore? Any pantyhose? Stop the madness!

Third category is Food | Ingestion.

Question: If you could only drink one thing for the rest of your life, have it be breast milk OR germ free, but sour, cow’s milk?

JMo answer: UGH! For the rest of my life? Seriously? Drink only one thing? I guess it would have to be breast milk. I keep hearing how super good it is for babies, so at least I’d get some nutrients out of it. Plus, sour cow’s milk? How could one drink that? No way.

Fourth category is Ethics | Intellect.

Question: Would you rather have a scientist make one baby close of you OR never have any biological children at all?

JMo answer: Shit. I should’ve vetted this card before choosing it. Two slam dunks in one card…first I love Bill Clinton. Duh. And now I have to choose between my baby clone or not having any snot-nosed kids at all? C’mon. Anyone who reads this blog (and who doesn’t??) already knows what I would answer. If not, please see one of my greatest blog posts of all time. (Ok so trying to add a link and WordPress is being annoying. https://xojmo.wordpress.com/2011/03/14/my-biological-clock-must-be-digital-because-i-dont-hear-it-ticking/ So instead of linking it to text, which is way cooler, I am forced to just throw the link in. Whatever. Go read it!!)

Fifth and last category is Random.

Question: Would you rather kill Winnie the Pooh OR Bambi?

JMo answer: Another fitting question since I’m a Disneyphile. Also, sadly, an easy one. I would kill Pooh in a nanosecond. My goodness, he is annoying. Why can’t Christopher Robin teach him for grammar or spelling??

I will definitely have to revisit the Would You Rather… cards and choose one with harder choices. These seem to be tailored for me. And honestly I would not have chosen it. I don’t think it’s interesting when you can already guess the answers. Sorry to all my peeps! Maybe I’ll do another one later. Why not? It is labor day afterall. I should be laborious. Is that a word? Ah fuck it…too lazy to look it up!