If They Carried......

What I'm going for here is you own a reputable gun shop. These people are your customers. You are matching them with a gun that suits their personality. I don't want historically accurate arguments, they are merely customers that tell you a little about themselves, and you make your pick.

For example, a samurai. I would pick something smaller, well crafted, fast. An AK is not a samurai pick, it's stamped, heavy, and 7.62x39 doesn't scream samurai.

Okay, this is harder than I thought. We are talking CARRY weapon, and that leads me into a whole different category. The only one who is getting a large weapon is the Viking, because “carry” for them meant a whole different brand of “daily” use.

1) A Viking – The man was known for laying waste to lands far from home. He came in off the sea, usually under the cover of morning fog and just went to work. They were big men, savage beasts who tended to kill first, rape second and pillage last. The gorier the better, the most mass damage the better, plus they had ship to ship battle to think about. Everything was close combat and they didn’t really have a lot of range attacks. I am thinking the perfect Viking firearm would be a modified Remington 870 with a larger magazine capacity and a satchel of hide from some animal and/or some distant lands King’s flesh filled with extra shells. 12 gauge, probably double ought buck and definitely magnum loads.

2) Prince – Sophistication. Pomp & Circumstance. Supposedly fine education. Money, lots and lots of money. No intelligence to research his own weapons. Take a look at Saddam’s kids for crying out loud. When I think of a prince, I think of Middle Eastern, and as such, they aren’t going to carry an American made weapon. Too much pride. That leaves the European makers. Holland & Holland is probably out. They don’t make pistols anymore and their older stuff is not this day and age worthy. A Prince would want “The Best” and H&K is usually associated with that in a lot of circles. I could see the young prince walking out with an H & K USP Compact or a Sig Sauer P226 X-Five Tactical in EU’s 9mm once I sent it out to be plated or coated and revamped in such a manner to make it entirely his. Inlays and remolding of the frame so it was made out of Titanium or Sterling Silver or some such thing.

3) Angelina Jolie – Angelina has already gone on record as saying that she owns the pistols she was first taught to shoot with in Tomb Raider because she is comfortable with them and she was taught everything about them from the armourer, who happened to fit her with H&K USP’s.

4) A Samurai – Master of all forms of warfare. Long Range. Mounted. Close Combat. Studied the use of his primary and secondary weapons everyday, regardless of other goings on. A true Samurai would follow the ways of Bushido and would most likely have read The Book of Five Rings, which stated that a Samurai should always carry two swords ( long and short ). I think a modern Samurai would not be honored unless I had two custom made weapons for him to carry. They would have to be full blown customs and could not be production runs. I think the “long” ( long being relative to the length of his Katana ) weapon would have to be a Dave Lauck or Larry Vickers completely custom, stainless steel, engraved, custom case included 5” 1911 .45 ACP with inlays of text or symbols about the Samurai’s rights of passage and family tradition. For the short weapon ( in relation to his Wakizashi and keeping in mind this weapon would be used for Seppuku), I am tempted to go with a custom revolver ( about the size of a Bulldog or similiar pistol ), stainless steel, hand built by someone like Pinnacle Customs, where I could get him a 7 or 8 shot revolver in a powerful caliber like .44 or .357 The round have to be damaging enough to be able to take his own life in one shot if it was called for, so I would opt for a really good sized common round.

5) Kenny Chesney – This one is one of the harder ones. We realize he’s got a case of The Ghey. We don’t know if ANYONE else is aware of it, so we can’t put him out there with a flaming, flamingo pink Glock and call it a day. We have to keep in mind the image. So, where does that lead us? I had to ask the Country Gal in the office to fill me in about him so I could get a better picture. He isn’t a cowboy, it’s just the hat, but he grew up in Tennessee and apparently hunted and fished as a kid. But, he also went to college to study music. Most of his music is “Island Country” (I had to ask what the hell that meant) and it just means that it’s laid back, introspective, relaxing music with country influences. Okay, now what? A packing pistol that would be at home on the beach, or in a holster at a bar-b-que or keg get together with fans. I am honestly seeing him with a used Colt Single Action Revolver, something that has some wear and possibly some history, not real flashy, but with some character to it.

Spartan- This guy is a professional soldier who loves the up close battle. He wants to see your eyes as he kills you. He's gonna carry the AK pistol. Reliable platform and many shots. The pistol version so he can also carry his spear and shield.

Lady Gaga- Small and flashy. Custom snubbie revolver made of platinum with gold and diamond linlays. Maybe some gaudy grips with rubies and emeralds. Oh, and "Lady GaGa" engraved on the barrel.

Klingon- Fierce and fight to the death in every fight. The way to die is to do it in battle. But, he has no problem killing you quickly and sneaking up on you. He's gonna have a double-stack in .45 ACP. He's gonna take care if it as well.

Busey- He's just plain nuts. He's gonna carry a paintball or airsoft. It is going to be too big to carry concealed, and he does not care. He'll think it is funny to run up and down Hollywood Blvd shooting people with it and screaming "It's all about what it is, brother." He'll think it profound.

Cajun/Bayou Guy- We have at least one member from down there. Willshoum I believe. Wills in da swamp. God bless you all. (If I lived there I would want to open carry an AR chambered in .308. Good for the gators and I bet it can take care of that giant hungry python. Maybe a short barrel .410 or .20 ga for the smaller poisonous snakes).

Busey- He's just plain nuts. He's gonna carry a paintball or airsoft. It is going to be too big to carry concealed, and he does not care. He'll think it is funny to run up and down Hollywood Blvd shooting people with it and screaming "It's all about what it is, brother." He'll think it profound.

1) Spartan- Snce there Society depended and was dedicated to Military service and this weapon derived it's name from their tactics, It would be natural that the Spartans would use the Phalanx CIWS. This is one Bada$$ 20mm Gatling Gun. Fit for the Ultimate fighting man.

2)Lady GaGa- This is one crazy B**ch, A woman with this much wacadoo stylings would be an FMG 9 it could be incorporated into the Stupid Clothes she wears.

3)Klingon- Being a Warrior Society, much like the Spartans. They would be dealing with a Futuristic weapon system. They would bring out MTHEL(Mobile Tactical High Energy Laser).

4)Gary Busey- This Man, he needs no Weapons but that of his wit. His own Son has said, "He's always telling stories about monkeys and toads and rockets. I can never understand what he's talking about."
Anyone that says stuff like this, "One night...at [the hospital], I was sitting in bed...and saw the Grim Reaper standing in the corner. He was seven feet tall, with a brown robe. He pointed to me and said, 'Relax, it's not your time to go. You have been given gifts. These gifts are ready to be received by mankind. So get on your feet and improve.' Then he laughed, spun his scythe and left. I wasn't asleep and I hadn't been for days. Whether this was a premonition or an angel in disguise, I don't know.", Needs no weapon. Besides who wants this man with a gun.

5)Cajun/Bayou guy- I have no other reason than I just picture some Cajun Boating around the swamp with a Mossberg .410 Bolt Action. It is just the image that pops into my head. This Guy with this Shotgun.