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Sunday, April 28, 2002

What's Your Sign?

What’s you sign? What’s my sign? What is this, the middle ages? My sign is astronomy, my sign is physics, and all that is science. My sign isn’t some leftover claptrap from pagan Rome arbitrarily tacked on to a perfectly good calendar. A nice bit of science, that calendar. My sign has not one shred of hocus-pocus or anything that can’t be explained by the laws of science, laws that we think remain constant with time and space.

As much as we have explained the universe that surrounds us there are still plenty of people who think of themselves as educated that choose to believe in astrology, UFO’s, ghosts, telepathy, God, and all sorts of paranormal phenomena.

I realize that man has been grappling with creation myths and divinity since he could think. Here I am, a guy who writes quips about kitschy Whoopee Goldberg movies and parodies of MTV, and now I’m suppose to be giving out the secret of man’s existence in this very same forum? Somebody’s got to break the news to you. All of that stuff I mentioned before, it’s all make believe, folks.

Why is it that we live in a country that supposedly separates church and state yet no one in a public position could ever claim to be an atheist? Athletes and other entertainers are constantly thanking god for their success but what if a celebrity stated publicly that she didn’t believe in god? My guess is that they wouldn’t have much of an income after that got out. Who is more persecuted in our culture: religious people or atheists? I think it is hilarious that these Muslim extremists view America as a godless nation. If they only knew how many people in this country are as close-minded and intolerant as they are they’d all move here and join the PTL club.

It is easy and fun to believe in stuff that doesn’t exist. The idea of ghosts and UFO’s is cool but the fact is that I have never seen or experienced anything in my life that could not be explained by the laws of nature as we know them. Tell me your bullshit paranormal story and I’m sure I can debunk it faster than it would take me to switch the channel from the X-Files to a baseball game.

You had a dream and it came true. Perhaps, but you had about ten million dreams that didn't come true. You saw a ghost. You were stoned. You can tell me what my sign is just becuase you"know" my personality. Good guess, and it only took you ten tries. Our 'spirits' have to go some place when we die. They go to the same place they were before you had memory. Does that make you feel better.

This life is all we have so whether it is heaven or hell is mostly up to us. Some of us have more power over matters than others--a peasant in Guatemala has less control over his destiny than a middle class American--but we all have choices. I choose to side with human beings and not with the gods.