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I crack the eggs in a bowl and whisk them (with a fork), add a splash of milk and thats it. Then melt butter till it sizzles then POUR IT OUT onto a plate. Then I add the eggs into the pan. At this point I get out my hand whisk and really go to town on those ovoid little pricks, smashing so much air into them just like BLAM BLAM BLAM. At the same time I slowly add the butter back, bit by bit, like I was making an egg risotto. Getting all those little bits of egg all covered in butter. Then when they're still a bit runny, I cover the pan and put it in a preheated oven for 1 minute. Then I sometimes like to finish it off with a kitchen issue blow torch just to pull it all together.

Seperate the whites from the yolks and whip them up until they're pretty stiff. Not meringue like but getting there. Then you take the yolks and beat them a bit. Then mix them in just a little bit with the whites. You don't want to completely incorporate them but just give it a nice marbled effect. Then you cook them in a pan and blow torch them.

y'know the kind of pointless and unnecessary kitchen accoutrements and possessions that only bourgeois pig would own, which turn even the most basic food preparation into something that excludes the proletariat

Crack eggs in bowl, add a splash of milk/cream, generously season with black pepper, beat. Melt a big knob (hur hur) of butter in a pan, add the beaten eggs to the pan, whack the heat up, keep stirring, take them off the heat and plate up while the eggs are still short of done as they will carry on cooking on the plate. Add salt to taste.
Serve with 2 slices of the heavenly gift that is crumpet loaf.

If i'm feeling fancy I may finely grate some cheese in there before they go in the pan. I like Grana Padano.

butter, basically, but i often use squidgy flora out of a bottle. healthier and still bubbles up etc. actually, thinking about it, probably should go back to real butter. other flavours and animal fats welcome: add a small amount of finely chopped chorizo to flavour the butter, and/or gentleman's relish. get that bubbling. add some milk to stop it burning. or use a pan you just dun yr bacon in

add some beaten eggs (2 per person). not supersuper beaten, but beaten nonetheless.