So I had my first night and my first full day today. Man I KNOW today was the hardest first day of work and ever had (I'd be surprised if any other job ever beat it) but it was also the fun-est hard day I ever had. I got to sleep in, which was good because I was up until 3. Now before you go saying that was all do to jet-lag, it wasn't, it was super quite, like I now the saying as quite as a mouse but this was even more quite. Then also there was no lights from anywhere. I know I'm grown and all but I mean I couldn't see my hand in front of my face, and I don't like it that dark. so anyway after I fell asleep (with no lights, k) I was able to sleep in. Then I got up help start lunch, ate lunch then I got to help put up circus tents. Now I know it looks hard to some people and in a way it is but its not as hard as I thought it was going to be and putting up the tent was an interesting thing to be a part of.

So putting up the tent, but let me back track here for a second and explain that I am talking about putting up the BIG tent, like the blue and white one if you refer to the background picture. After today I don't think the small tents will take that long or be a big problem. So any way we put that tent up, and it took about ten or so if us working together. First off some of it was already done for us, the ground was already laid and the main pillar/supports were already up with some of the rigging. So we first laid out the roof, which was four big heavy pieces, then tied them together, then connected it to this pulley system to lift it part way. The we had to get the main 8 poles in and then the hardest part. We had to hammer in 44 stakes into the ground, and I'm not talking about small ones no these were about a meter long (a meter is about 3 feet). This was the fun part where I gained so respect from some people, because I jumped right in a helped with that and even though it was tiring I didn't really stop, I mean I took breaks just like everyone else, but I did my part as well. I think I proved I wasn't some lazy American who didn't want to work. (Although I still think some of them don't like the fact I know VERY little German but that's a different story) So then after that is was easy we put the inner poles in and then the outer covering. It took us all afternoon, I think about 8 hours or so.

But its cool to look at how this happened and how it was easy because there were many of us working together, and to look at how we all helped each other and we didn't let anyone fail and that when we were driving the stakes in if someone got tried someone else stepped up to switch with them. Its one of those times you see the group step up for the greater good or whatever. But I would say it was a productive 2nd day and I can't wait till tomorrow to help with the rest of the tents and we'll see if I take them up on their offer to sleep in again lol.

Well today was the day I finally arrived in Germany! After two flights and about an hour car ride I am here in Rappenhof Germany. I was greeted by two amazing people, Sven and Lisa, at the airport and they escorted me here, where more people were here to greet me. It was an awesome evening and they set my room up nicely! It was hard leaving and on the plane I questioned my decision about coming, but once I got here that had all dissolved. I was reminded of why I wanted to come out here in the first place. On my way from the airport I was looking at the beauty of this country and we were talking about some of the people I knew here, and I remember how much I wanted to be a part of this world and how much fun I had the two times I was out here. Now I have to work on my Germany and then I will be ok. For now though I can not wait to get up and see what tomorrow brings!

So these past few weeks have been hard, I've had to say good bye to many people and its in this time that I have realized how many people actually enjoy having me and how many people are going to miss me. They each mean a lot to me and I will miss them but I know its not the end. All these good byes remind me of the song from the Fox and the Hound, "Goodbye May Seem Forever". That part was the first time a Movie ever made me cry and saying goodbye to some people, well t has been hard not to cry.

I always find it hard to say goodbye to people, I'm never really sure what to say. They tell me to have an awesome time and I'm not sure what to say, I tend to say Thank you, you too, but it never really seems to justify what I feel. Like the other day I was saying good bye to the man who has been most like a father to me and I couldn't find the words and then as I left it was really hard not to look back and maybe I should have but I didn't want to cry and I knew it wasn't going to be the last time I saw him before I left. I just don't know how to express myself to people and to tell them how much they mean to me. Its funny because I am always expressive and creative in what I do in life but when it comes to being off stage and real life things I tend to fail. I just hope when I do see certain people for the last time I can find the right words and get them out of my mouth. I know many of you may be like, well you'll see them again, but I can't hold such optimizem because I can not say that I will be back, I could go anywhere after I am done in Germany, I might even want to stay in Germany, all I know is it is to far away to tell what will happen and that life happens and any one of you could be taken from me at any moment so I have to say good bye. So I leave you all with this quote that is often in my mind these days.

"Goodbye may seem forever Farewell is like the end But in my heart is a memory And there you'll always be"

Oh my god so much has happened recently. I had some drama, I finished another one of my jobs and I had to say some goodbyes. In the grander scheme of things I am happier I am leaving but its been a hard week.

Its funny how we think we want something and when we get it, it really isn't what it was cracked up to be. I had been hung up on this guy for the longest time. I finally had the chance to go out with him and he turned out to be the asshole he always was and I was to blind to see. There was lots of hassle and I got really mad but now I'm just like it happened, being mad won't do me any good, it happened and there is nothing I can do but learn from it and I will. I don't have to do anything in revenge because I know I will go far in life and he won't. I have a lot to look forward to and he is a wreck. Plus I believe karma will take care of it for me.

The on Friday I had to say good bye to my co-workers at North Park. Its always interesting on how people effect our lives even if they aren't in them for that long, and how they can mean more than you realize. It was funny I told some of them about what happened and they were all like aww man you don't need him, and one of them was even like "We can go throw his stuff in the forest" "I'll drive you to go get your stuff back". I mean I liked working with them but I never realized I meant that much to them. It was really sad when I had to say good bye to Victor. He is an older Mexican man, he was my first friend there, he always helped me and we always joked around. I wish the best for him and I think he will be one of my co-workers I actually miss. When I had to say good bye to him I started to tear up, he was the first one there to help me out, he always was there to help me, he did what ever he could for me. I think he helped me out because I reminded him a lot of his daughters. He also knew as much as I acted mature I was still young and had a lot to learn.

All that has happened this week only has made me happier that I'm leaving. I have nothing here holding me back, I have nothing here really for me. Sure I'll miss some people but their will always be people I will miss everywhere. Right now I am here in Chicago and I miss my friends in Ludlow, and the people in Germany, my friends away at school and my sisters in NYC. While I'm in Germany I'll miss everyone here in the states but I think I will be much happier. Only time will tell.