Do clothes have any affect on jeans Wow... this could be a topic for anyone who wants to obtain a PhD

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"Kisi ne sahi kaha zindagi kutti cheez hai. You live life without a care in the world not realizing that life is building a heavy load of trash that it dumps on you one fine day, breaking your back." - saneless

believe me, if all faithfuls allow their women to wear jeggings freely, their jeanetics would change within a generation

Fantastic. So you are saying that we should encourage Sonwari tai to wear jeggings... so that our future is bright

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"Kisi ne sahi kaha zindagi kutti cheez hai. You live life without a care in the world not realizing that life is building a heavy load of trash that it dumps on you one fine day, breaking your back." - saneless

As if life doesn't pose enough problems, people have to create new ones in the name of religious dogma...

I feel terrible and I don't know what Iv'e done is wrong or right.
Someone in my family comes to use my laptop and goes on to sites to listen to music. I have told him that I do not want to be the source of this (as in giving him my laptop so he can listen to music).

Today he came and put earphones in and was making someone else listen to music and I got really annoyed and I did point out that I don't want him to listen to music and then I think he stopped. Anyway, about what I was saying, he rang me and asked for my speakers to use at his house with his laptop and I knew that he was probably going to do something sinful and I didn't know what to say (as when I say no to him he starts swearing/being really nasty and ends up not talking to me for ages) so I ended up saying '' I couldn't find them ''

I didn't look for them but It still counts as lying, should I have just said I don't want to give you the speakers or something like that instead of lying.

I also want to stop letting him use the laptop because he will not stop listening to music on it which is on MY laptop but then he will stop talking to me and cause arguments.

What should I do.

JazakAllah

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If you're doing business with a religious son-of-a-bitch, get it in writing. His word isn't worth shit. Not with the good lord telling him how to fuck you on the deal. - William Burroughs

As if life doesn't pose enough problems, people have to create new ones in the name of religious dogma...

I feel terrible and I don't know what Iv'e done is wrong or right.
Someone in my family comes to use my laptop and goes on to sites to listen to music. I have told him that I do not want to be the source of this (as in giving him my laptop so he can listen to music).

Today he came and put earphones in and was making someone else listen to music and I got really annoyed and I did point out that I don't want him to listen to music and then I think he stopped. Anyway, about what I was saying, he rang me and asked for my speakers to use at his house with his laptop and I knew that he was probably going to do something sinful and I didn't know what to say (as when I say no to him he starts swearing/being really nasty and ends up not talking to me for ages) so I ended up saying '' I couldn't find them ''

I didn't look for them but It still counts as lying, should I have just said I don't want to give you the speakers or something like that instead of lying.

I also want to stop letting him use the laptop because he will not stop listening to music on it which is on MY laptop but then he will stop talking to me and cause arguments.

As if life doesn't pose enough problems, people have to create new ones in the name of religious dogma...

I feel terrible and I don't know what Iv'e done is wrong or right.Someone in my family comes to use my laptop and goes on to sites to listen to music. I have told him that I do not want to be the source of this (as in giving him my laptop so he can listen to music).

Today he came and put earphones in and was making someone else listen to music and I got really annoyed and I did point out that I don't want him to listen to music and then I think he stopped. Anyway, about what I was saying, he rang me and asked for my speakers to use at his house with his laptop and I knew that he was probably going to do something sinful and I didn't know what to say (as when I say no to him he starts swearing/being really nasty and ends up not talking to me for ages) so I ended up saying '' I couldn't find them ''

I didn't look for them but It still counts as lying, should I have just said I don't want to give you the speakers or something like that instead of lying.

I also want to stop letting him use the laptop because he will not stop listening to music on it which is on MY laptop but then he will stop talking to me and cause arguments.

Well, this is going to be a bit long and about a very serious accusation of child abuse. What I caught my attention however is that the wife even though is disgusted by her husband's behavior seems to find excuses. This is in no way to be generalized to Muslims but there seems to be a general acceptance among Muslims that men can't control their sexual urges, even to the extent of finding excuses for child abuse.

Found out husband has abused kids

I recently found out my husband has abused 2 of his own neices, 8 years old. The children themselves came out with it. Both of them 2 incidents (each) but they say the first incident with them happened a long time ago and they can't remember properly. The last incident happened this ramadan when one of the girls were staying at my house. I was preparing iftar and he took my 2 year old daughter and the niece to the bedroom because my MIL was sleeping on the couch in the living room. She said he pushed her on the bed, touched her all over her chest and started pressing his mid-section on her in a up and down motion. And kept saying 'uncle will give you some sweets'. This was on top of her clothes. I only remember the niece hanging around the kitchen alot (and i don't like people standing around because my kitchen is small) and i kept telling her to go play with my daughter and her uncle and she wouldn't go. Then at iftar time i remember her poking her food (i made pasta, because she's supposed to really like it) and was was really quiet. After iftar she asked my MIL when she'll be going back home and my MIL said 'we'll go tomorrow'. So the niece went to the other room and started crying.

I saw all of this as normal home-sick. My husband took her home and apparantly she wouldn't hug her own dad 'back' she kept hugging her self out of shyness. Her mum was recalling this. She also gave her mum a tight hug which she never does.

About 2 weeks later still in ramadan we all went for an iftar party and my husbands sisters house. And both the girls apparantly told each other and supported each other to tell one of their older sisters (15 years old). So slowly thats how the news spread and I heard it eventually after alot of pushing. I was 6 months pregnant at the time. The news was eating me up inside but i told the kids to tell their parents. They were sitting in the room upstairs deliberately avoiding my husband because they were scared. The niece was able to act out what my husband did. Any way the kids told their parents.

That same night I opened the subject to my husband, I was shaking because I have a little daughter myself, and didn't know if he'd done anything to her, since i leave her alot with him while i cook etc. But my husband looked really scared and his voice was really shaky (he's never like that, he's always trying to be so dominative over me) and said: 'XXXX, you know how i am with kids, I always throw them around and wrestle with them for a joke (this is true)' And i said 'no no no, don't you give me that, both the girls said exactly the same thing. How do 2 8yr old girls no exactly what you do to me ( he does the same thing to me) and are able to act it out. And in the month of ramadan aswell! how dare you think it's ok to do that to 8 year old girls, there not even little girls (physically, one's quite fat and chubby the other is really tall for age but neither of them are developed). ....' ......After a really good go at him he admitted that 'there was an element of wrong in it' (in other words what started of as throwing around went in the wrong direction) and that he's really sorry and he wanted me to forgive him and he swore that he'd never done anything to my (our) daughter. he really genuinely looked so terrified, i said to him how would he feel if some guy did that to our daughter, and that if something did happen I (me) I would want to tear the guy apart myself, when I mentioned our daughter he kept saying please please don't talk about it, please don't say it anymore. He requested that the best way i could help him is not to mention it again. he said he'll change and if I think he hasn't change then i can bring the issue in or else to not say anything about it.

At one point he said to me: why didn't you hide my fault (and then started saying the hadith) and i said: There's nothing to hide since you involved to girls in it. They're talking about it amongst themselves. They're scared of you. They're probably gonna grow up and let more people know when they got the courage to speak and they'll remember you as the pervert.

Apparantly one the girls feels like she doesn't want to live any more.

My husband apologized and cried to the parents and asked for forgiveness. Everything is ok again, except he doesn't visit any of his family members houses as much as before.

It took me a few days to get over the feeling of living in the same house as a rapist. But i'm ok now. The only thing is we are financially struggling so much that I am constantly thinking of divorce. My iman is at an all time low. My salah is just up down up down. I feel really depressed. And everytime we have an arguement I am holding my tongue to not say anything about the above. But it's eating up inside me. I don't do istikhara because I'm scared. I want to use my head. And my head tells me life is short and everyones got their own faults in their own way. And we'll all be dealt by Allah for exactly what our intentions were, so y should i get a divorce. It's just going to make me more depressed and he's not going to become any better, and i am 7 months pregnant now and this time with a boy and i want my kids to have a father close by them.

I have dealt with a lot from my husband especially with lowering the gaze on the tv, internet, streets. And he has changed it's just sometimes i'll catch something like the above from the mouth of some body else and it hurts. It makes me doubt how much he has actually changed. But he insists that because of me he's changed so much, and that he feels lucky to have a wife like me. I think he really loves me deep down and so do i deep down. but on the outside we're always bickering and arguing.

I tried to keep as much emotion out of this although in real life i am crumbling away.

But i would really like some brothers advice on this. There's obviously alot of things going on that i haven't mentioned but the above is my main concern. But as a guy what do you think of the above situation and my stance of not asking for a divorce?

The reason I came here is because i wanted to read different opinions. I can't go to a local imam or a scholar .... He is known by alot of people.... I wanted a divorce from my husband 6 months into our marriage and when the elders sat together they told my husband to change his ways (this was about looking at women etc) and my husband asked for my forgiveness and promised he'll try his best to change. We are now married 5 years

I dont believe my husband is a pedophile. He loves busty woman, I've caught him enough times eyeing uncovered women. enough times. But never, I've never felt he is sexually inclined towards children..... ..... If he was a pedophile, there would've been alot more incidents with the same two girls. He's had thousands of chances since he comes and goes from their houses alot. If he was a pedophile i would've caught him looking at pics of children instead of uncovered women. ..... He is just like a normal dad, plays with her, reads books with her, comforts her if she hurts herself, puts her to sleep in his arms.

The way i'm explaining this to my self is that he was playing with them and threw himself on top of them in a playful way and then his mind got sidetracked.

I think since i've had my first child, 'sexual intercourse' has been a painful experience for me so it never lasts very long and i think that has a part to play in this.

He cried when I approached him but that's the only time i saw him cry not that he has never ever cried about it. He's a really tough guy on the outside, and really big headed. But he said to me that he knows he's got problems and he's always crying to Allah to help him. I'll write more later...

just carrying on from before....

He didn't commit zina...it was probably around a 10 second incident on top of their clothes. I said to him: 'listen, if you feel like you like children in a different way, then I need to go, it's not safe for you to be around our daughter'. And he was just shaking his head with his mouth open and he was like: 'XXXX i can touch the quran and tell you this is going too far from what it actually is. I can swear this was just me playing like i always do.' etc etc he was really emotional.

The next day though the phone calls started coming. He apologized and cried to his sister. His sister in law was shouting and screaming on the phone: 'you've ruined my daughters life' and he just kept saying, 'please forgive me, please forgive me i understand as a parent how disgusting this is'. She said something and then he replied,' i will make it up to them (the kids) somehow, i'll build up my respect again from whatever i got left from it. I just want this over.' and he promised her that he was just playing with them and it went the wrong way.

So my husbands side all know. Even his parents. The sister in law (who's daughter was in my house) was sexually abused herself when she was young, so badly that she fell unconscious and can't recall what even happened to her. She was having nightmares continiously for the next week or so. But now a month later she's saying she's happy that he asked her forgiveness and if he's tawba is sincere and he changes then he may be loved more in Allah's eyes than us.

The family are okay now. The kids have been to our house a couple of times afterwards, but my husband just sits with the rest of the grownups now. His sister explained to him how this should be a lesson that he should start doing 'parda' and giving space to girls as everyone is slowly growing up.

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If you're doing business with a religious son-of-a-bitch, get it in writing. His word isn't worth shit. Not with the good lord telling him how to fuck you on the deal. - William Burroughs

I know a sister who has dropped out of University, reasons are listed below. She was studying Medicine at a top University in London and now she's dropped out to study Mathematics at Open University.

The reasons for this were:

Allah has commanded women to stay indoors unless necessary: (“And stay in your houses, and do not display yourselves like that of the times of ignorance”[al-Ahzaab 33:33].)

There is free mixing in University

She had attention from Males simply because of her appearnce

She had to travel early in the morning as it took her long to reach University and would come home alone on the underground late at night when it was dark

Women aren't needed to study any major degree. Islam doesn't require her to have a degree as her husband will work as it is his duty

Money wasn't a problem at all.

What are your views? I believe it's perfectly fine.

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If you're doing business with a religious son-of-a-bitch, get it in writing. His word isn't worth shit. Not with the good lord telling him how to fuck you on the deal. - William Burroughs

This one from ShiaChat site, the peculiarity here is that these folks have two versions of marriage - Nikah (permanent) and Mut'ah (temporary). You would be amused to see their replies to this woman, who by the way is only unhappy because her husband is having sex with a woman he did not YET marry. She converted to Islam 3 years back.

Co Wife Question

As Salaam Alaikum to all that read this post. I 'm the first wife and my husband has choses a co wife. I m having some problems with this. He has not married her yet, but they are spending the night together in a hotel alone. This is very hurtful to me because I ask him to wait until they are married before I have to start to share our time. Keep in mind I only found out about her a week ago by drving by a hotel and seen his car their. I was so hurt I havent been able to eat or sleep since this took place. some one plese help me understand. she has been spending time with my husband on some level since May 2011 and i just found out about her 8/23/11. in the above way. I dont think im being vauled and since Ive only been in the deen 3 years i have no clue if this is right please help someone with Quran or sunah referances to give be help

If he is committing adultery, then it is a grave sin, which if proven would be punishable by stoning as stated above. However, are you sure he hasn't performed a temporary marriage?

It's understandable that you are upset by all this, as you haven't been raised to believe that such behaviour is acceptable (and modern culture, Muslim or otherwise, definitely doesn't condone it), but provided your husband has some kind of marriage contract with the other woman (permanent or temporary), you have to understand that he isn't doing anything wrong. I would advise reading up on the lives of the Prophet (pbuh) and the Imams (as) to understand that polygamy is workable, and to pray to Allah (swt) for guidance. I would certainly not recommend divorcing someone over this (again, provided it's not adultery), although you should at all times insist on you Islamic rights as a wife. If these aren't been given to you, then divorce is a serious option.

I understand I guess my feeling are so raw that I dont want to say the wrong thing and make matter worst. I am not upsent about him taking a co wife its how I found out and if the act of ZIna has accured . that bring harm to our union and makes it hard for this to work as is should

Kallu Pai, you need to undergo Love Jihad for you to have a marriage with an expiration date Check the above. And your question is below.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kalidas

In the US, they say 'till death do us part'. Marriage is a life-long contract. But what if the Marital contract has a fixed time - say 5 years, followed in 10 year increments for extension. The marital contract automatically is voided unless the couple chooses to extend it. So there would be no reason to divorce. Laws on ownership and custody need to be changed along those lines.

It would have a significant impact on the way husbands and wives interact and engage with each other, in a positive way. People would not take each other for granted. They would treat each other with more respect. People would take better care of themselves, in case they are stuck without a spouse. People would be careful who they pick for a life partner.

Would it change your relationship and how you treat your significant other?

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This is quite a game, politics. There are no permanent enemies, and no permanent friends,only permanent interests. - Some Firang