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He winked and affectionately rubbed the top of her head. “What’s with these losers and the dinosaur?” Gary Stu asked.

“The losers are losing and the dinosaur is mine. Her name is Georgia-“

“Gordon!” yelled Ran.

“Whatever. Anyway, this is so FUN! You should try it!”

Gary Stu nodded. Good thing my Shiny Charizard has max IVs and maximum friendship. “Use Return on that small charred boy!” Charizard nodded and returned to the Pokéball.

“Charizard, darling, I believe he meant the attack.”

With another red flash, Charizard reappeared, black scales looking lovely with the reflection of a city burning reflecting on them. Summoning a storm of fiery hearts, he forced them down upon Zub, who lay motionless.

Death came to him.

Death frowned.

“We already did that pun before,” he recalled.

“Losers!” yelled Gary Stu, who was now riding Groudon with Mary Stu. “Now, I need a weapon of mass destruction too…” he muttered. Another Master Ball appeared in his hands as the earth rumbled. Out of the sky rocketed a large… I’m sorry, that doesn’t do it justice. It seemed to be far larger than even Groudon, being almost twice that. Keep in mind that Groudon is about the size of a skyscraper. And then this thing…. this thing was enormous. ‘Massive’ doesn’t even do it justice and dvhld; cvfm;sdncsknfjc;nbmmmmmmmmm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m sorry. Rick here. The Author just exploded with incomprehension. Let’s put it this way; say you had a refrigerator. One that was large enough to hold all those limes, and a few thousand watermelon, and several thousand pounds of bacon. Then you’d have the rough estimate of the creature’s head.

It had an odd posture too; like a chicken. I’m sorry, bad Rick. I’m so not used to this and… it’s just this large chicken-dragon thing that’s just enormous. Okay, this is overwhelming. I’m going back to cutting off all the leaves of all the trees and rearranging them into a more appealing shape like the Author told me to.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kyurem; the AHHH GIANT ICE DRAGON THING IT WILL FREEZE YOU Pokémon
It likes to destroy things. It likes to ruin people’s lives. It does nothing but this. You want proof? Here, we have Mary, a five year old from Undella, who had an encounter with the beast three years ago.
“AH was walkin’ down da beach, an’ den dis.... dis DRAGHUN comes outta nowhere an’ swoops down like FSHOOOOOOOM an’ he popped mah floatee. ”
As you can see, this thing is terrible. Never go near it, finished the Pokédex built into Ran.

“I’d say we’re screwed,” said Death.

A lob of flesh landed near Death, with only a nose, whiskers, legs, and a sinlge hair being its only features. Two small black eyes blinked up at him.

“ZooM?” it asked. Death walked slowly toward it, taking in its every feature.

He then punted it.

“We don’t need any more characters, jerk!” he yelled, angrily shaking his fist.

“So, about the giant dragon that is about to obliterate the city? Also, Gordon?” nudged Ran.

“”I thought the plan was to lose and die,” said Death. “Let’s ask Zub.”

The two ran over and discovered that their friend was unconscious.

“What now?” asked Ran worriedly.

Death never got to respond, as the two were struck in awe as what appeared to be a large black shadow moved through the air and fused with the chicken-dragon to form…jgnkdfjlvnjkbh

Hi. Rick’s back.

They made an even larger, bipedal dragon.

The dragon was two vividly different colours. On one half, he was black and sort of melted into the original form’s shell. The other side seemed more akin to the original, just more vicious and less chicken-like.

Also, it was far larger, if that’s possible.

Roughly the size of one-eighth the island of Mossdeep, whifch, mind you, has grown much larger of the years and especially now, it was a sight to behold.

And by behold, I mean piss-your-pants-and-run. I would have thought that’d be obvious, but no matter.

By this point, I, Rick, am now scared. I shall continue whipping the dead horse out back as the author instructed me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This is my flower to pluck vigorously and then light aflame!” cried out an unfortunately familiar voice as an unfortunately familiar groove kicked in.

“And who might you be, loser, and how dare you challenge my Kyurem?!” demanded Gary Stu. The newcomer paused.

“The world is ours to devour, like a small shred of grass of the universe! AND WE ARE THE RABBIT!” yelled another, different voice that was regrettable remarkable.

“Oh no,” moaned Death. “If we had to get a plot device, why was it them?!”

Miror B. walked over and stared at him sadly. “This makes me sad,” he mock-whimpered, slapping Ran in Death’s place.

“Ow, whimpered Ran, staring at the corpse Miror B. created.

“Where’s the party?!” yelled Eff Ecks, flying in a small hovercraft that was designed to look like a clown. It seemed suspiciously familiar. “Or is this just all of it? You know, giant Pokémon? Been there, done that!” he taunted.

“He’s right, you know,” pointed out The Author, who came onto the scene.

“Fine! I’ll…. I’ll become the author!” Gary Stu screamed in protest, afraid of being shown up.

“Yawn… done that,” said Miror B. stiffly.

“I’ll… uh… THROW THE PROTAGANIST IN A PICKLE!”

“Done that,” sniffed Death.

“Oh, fine,” moaned Gary Stu in defeat. “Mary Sue, got any ideas?”

“I can’t think of any, being what is best described as a one-time minor antagonist,” she said sadly.

“Great idea!” said Gary Stu. “Why should we be secondary?! We’re cool! People like us!”

“What are you saying?” gasped Mary Sue.

“Yes… enlighten us. You’re not sticking with the script,” said the author.

“Kyurem, eat him.”

The colossal dragon nodded hungrily and swept down, scooping the author into his jaws in the process, and swallowed him whole before the author was given a chance to react.

Then, Kyurem shifted to the size and form of what could easily be mistaken as a human. He glared at Gary Stu in protest, who promptly ignored him.

“Why SHOULD we be subjected to secondary status?” he demanded. “We deserve better!”

“That’s desperate lunacy,” pointed out Ran.

“We could fix the fic, Mary Sue… you and I. N more communism, no more stupidity, no more foreboding golden Magikarp who alludes to future, unforeseen events…”

“Gary Stu, you’re scaring me!” she said, breathless at the sight of his power hungry eyes.

“No matter. I can replace you.”

“What?!” she protested, but it was useless. He had ignored her.

Then everything was gone.

There was nothing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~

Nothing.

…

Gary Stu: The Adventure of a Proper Fanfictiona fanfic by Black Kyurem

Gary Stu sat up and rubbed his head. Looking down, his former fancy clothes were replaced with what could be described accurately as clothes commoners would wear. He jumped up suddenly and gaped in horror.

He killed his beautiful clothes.

Well, to be perfectly fair, it had started innocently enough. That hardly justifies murdering viciously, though however unintentionally, a great wardrobe. Oh, and he was standing on a dead body, one that had been a jerkwad enough to soil his new jeans.

No matter what way he looked at it, Gary Stu realized his clothes were pretty much screwed. Oh well. Sacrifices had to be made.

“You there, Gary Stu!” called out an old man, walking towards him angrily. “You just come flyin’ on your dang-spangly flyin’ thing, an’ den you crash into our HERO?! You’re in some deep flirtatious carrots now, young man!”

“Who are you,” Gary Stu asked. “And why are you here?”

Of the assembled crowd, not everyone was this mad. Of those that were, however, were veritably going to kill him.

And still he glared at each one. “What’s with all these old guys who probably have cooties and why are they near me?!” he shouted.

As a young child, Gary Stu… was, well, a Gary Stu. That’s pretty much it.

He was a very angry fellow at that moment. Everyone could tell and no one cared, of course.

“Dem flyin’ spheres gonna come kill us now!” roared the first old man.

“Good riddance.”

“We must punish him!” roared the elderly, sifting into deep thought. “It needs to be something realistically… translucent!” he said.

“No!” someone called randomly.

“Flyin’ fishticks!” cried out the elder in response, waving it off.

“Oo!” yelled someone in the back/. “Let’s throw him out on an adventure!”

“No,” responded Gary Stu.

“YESH,” said the elder. He then picked up Gary Stu, who had to admire his apparent remarkable strength despite age, and threw him over the wall, when the gate slammed shut.

“This sucks,” he pouted, sitting in a pile of ash. “Kyu- I mean, AUUUTHOOOOR! Help me!”

He heard a series of low growls and affectionate snarls. Having not the foggiest of what this could mean, he decided to venture forth.

“Hey,” protested a voice. “I was told you’d fall in a hole so I could mess with you.”

Gary Stu looked up and smiled. “Dear lad, there is no-“ suddenly a hole spawned, of which he fell through. “I hate you,” he snarled.

“Get in line,” said the cloaked figure as it laid back on a pile of nearby corpses.

“Where the hell am I?!” yelled Ran, sitting up suddenly. He realized a large crowd of beachwear-clad tourists had clustered around him.

“You’re at the checkpoint-island resort of Magna Excipe,” said one of the locals with a heavy accent. “You’re about a hundred paces away from Hotel Excipe.”

Ran straightened up. “Resort you say? I could get used to this.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zub sat up as well, and came to his surprise that he was not a resort, nor the central protagonist any longer. Looking around, he came to discover he was actually in a shoddy motel room. He also realized now that he was a tertiary character, he’d probably get evn less screentime, and

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Miror B. woke up surrounded by six vividly-dressed men, each sporting a different colour motif.

“Are you the Power Rangers?” he asked, still groggy.

“No way!” shouted the red ranger.

“We are, the magnificent-“ shouted the blue ranger.

“-Terrific!-“ added the green ranger.

“-Magnificent-“ threw in the purple ranger.

“-Eye-stabbingly gorgeous!” shouted the purple ranger.

“-Cool-“ nodded the Yellow Ranger.

“HEXAGON BROTHERS!” they all yelled together.

“Hexagon Brothers, count off! State your name, number and title to Master B.!
I’m Resix, number one, Capitol Red!”

“I’m Blusix, number two, Violent Blue!”

“Browsix, number four, Sticky Brown!”

“Purpsix at your service, number six, Feminine Purple!”

“Greesix here, number ten, Leafy Green!”

“Yellow Ranger, pleased to make your acquaintance. Number eleven, New Guy.”

“Wait!” shouted Resix. “Thirteen?! Men (and woman), I believe there are spies among us!”

“Egads!” yelled Greesix. “They must be… one us thirteen!”

“We’ll fuse, and then they’ll show up. Rainbow formation, everyone!” shouted out Blusix.

“Red!”

“Blue!”

“Green!”

“Purple!”

“Brown!”

“New guy!”

Together, the six jumped at each other at the same time and fused into one, much taller, man.

“Rainbow Six, reporting for duty!” he yelled with a deep voice.

“Are we going to get sued for this?” asked Miror B., shaking his head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, Eff Ecks landed in a small ditch in a landfill near Albuquerque.

“Oh, hey 4th wall. You seem… smashed.”

The 4th wall cried softly on his shoulder.

“It’s okay, I’ll still love you,” he said, patting its back.

~~~~END OF GARY STU: THE ADVENTURES OF A PROPER FANFISCTION: ~~~
CHAPTER 1

On the ground near Gary Stu were some fliers, one of which took his notice immediately.

“’Notice!
Your services are no longer needed. You are being replaced.
Thank you for your dedicated service and enjoy this complimentary bathrobe.’
“I’m being replaced?!” he shouted upon finishing reading. “What could replace ME! And I only just took charge!”

“Yes, but you’re very low in popularity, according to statistics. one reader even wished you dead,” said the NPC, devoid of emotion still.

A massive, three-hundred foot tall dragon landed near them. Its yellow, pupil-less eyes seemed to bore right through her very mind. Several fangs jutted out painfully from its mouth, even when closed, and each oozed saliva and venom, indicating its hunger. Its large, oversized claws and chicken-esque posture did nothing to ease the fear the two were facing.

The dragon hung its mouth over Tuber♀ Mary, and it seemed to glare starvedly at her.

It reached down with its overbearing fangs….

And bit all her floaties in half, popping them instantly.

Laughing evilly, it flew away.

“WAAAA! MY FLOATIES!” screamed Mary.

“I know what WE WILL DO!” roared Nob. “We will find that dragon, and beat the crap otta him!”

“Yay!” sniffled Mary.

Then Nob grew an afro and collapsed.

Mary soon followed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Wh-what?!” roared Black Kyurem from its typewriter. “What just happened?!”

Kyurem straightened out his notes and reorganized his papers. “Wanna go grab some burgers at McDiglett’s?” he asked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Dr. Gauss! The patient seems to have… no spine!” said a lovely nurse nearby.

Death slowly stood up and rubbed his head. “Where am I…?” he muttered.

The nurse rolled her eyes. “Stop goofing off, doctor! Of course you’re in Lilycove Hospital Service, where else would you be?”

“Not here?” suggested Death as he stood up and got his first view of his apparent assistant. Her… ‘tight’ figure was one that was appealing to his sore eye sockets, and her skin seemed so soft. And her eyes….

“Dr. Gauss! Come ON!” she said testily, dragging him down a clean, almost sterile-looking white hallway. Yanking on his robes, she forced him into a small room where a patient was sitting on a bed with her innards exposed.

“Gross,” gagged Death.

“No time for jokes, doctor!” shouted the nurse, slapping him. “She woke up with no skeleton! What do we DO?!”

Death thought to himself for a little while. I haven’t gotten to mess around with anyone since, like, Chapter 3…. he mused. “I found out what the problem is!” he exclaimed.

His nurse clapped her hands together jovially. “I knew you would come through for us!”

“Yes, well…. patient, how are you feeling?”

“Like a person with no skeleton.”

“Can you see?”

“Yes.”

“Does it hurt to pee?”

“No.”

“Can you regurgitate A Very Model of a Modern Major General backwards while spinning and eating a nugget in a biscuit?”

“Of course.”

“I’ve discovered what the problem is. You have no skeleton!”

“Amazing!” praised the nurse.

“Also, I’m diagnosing you with mononucleosis, hailitosis, scolilosis, rabies, herpes, scolipediosos, Weezing Disease, hepatitis B, and that’s just surfacing the surface. Do you recall what happened?”

“I…. I ate a Max Revive, and then some people came and stole my skeleton and kidney.”

“I have the cure! Of course, they say laughter is the best medicine, so…” Death paused and examined his patient. He then shoved her off the bed. “Haha! You fell! I bet you’re feeling better already!”

“Actually, yes…” the patient replied nervously as the nurse helped her back up.

“Fill her lungs with bleach, pump several pounds of liquid pepperoni sticks into her heart, supercharge it with electricity, then see what happens,” commanded Death to his assistant, who nodded and immediately ran off to fetch the goods.

Upon fulfilling Death’s request, the nurse stood back in awe. Slowly, a new skeleton appeared.

“Wh-wha-?” he asked.

“Oh, Dr. Gauss, you’re a miracle worker! Now, if you come with me, we have a mute lunatic in the psychiatry ward that desperately needs your assistance. His room is designed like a motel, and he’s… well, he’s badly burnt, looks like he was smashed into the ground several times but is now recovering, and he desperately needs you.”

“Alright, I’m on it.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’ll take one Happy Meal!” roared Kyurem to the receptionist.

“Apples or fries?” she asked.

“I WILL TAKE APPLES PLEASE. I AM ON A DIET,” said Kyurem politely.

“And for you, sir?” she asked, motioning to Miror B.

“Ah, yes, I’ll take a groovy wild berry smoothie, and one of your new Disco Burgers,” said Miror B., working the order into his custom dance.

“Why are we paying in American dollars?” asked Kyurem. The others shrugged and went along with it, grabbing their meals and heading to a booth.

“So,” Kyurem asked in between mouthfuls of Torchic McNuggets and apples. “How have your guys’ lives been lately?”

“Oh, I can’t complain,” said Eff Ecks nonchalantly. “Ever since I revealed my status as a commander of Them, I have been allowed to slack off much more than before. Nothing really gets described these days.”

Miror B. nodded. “Same. Other than being trapped in a blank void for a few days, life is pretty lax.” He paused and looked around the restaurant. “Has anyone seen Rainbow Six?”

“Can’t say I have,” replied Eff Ecks, looking around him nervously. “Should we be worried?”

“I don’t know, which is just the problem,” said Miror B., growing concerned.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Zub?!” Death asked incredulously. “What are you doing in my hospital?”

“Yes! I must tell you, my Rattata is in the top percentage of Rattata, for sure! I mean, I’m totally sure of it by now, he’s so strong! I measured his…. fang, and it’s 2.73 centimeters now! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT OHMAIGAWSH and I was all ‘WHOOOOOA-“

Ran hung up.

A hotel staff member walked up to him, holding a cellular phone. She handed it to ran, whispering, “It’s for you.”

Ran begrudgingly put the phone to his hear.

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOA!’ AND SO ME AND RATTATA WERE ALL WE’RE GONNA GET SOME MUCH STRONGER NOW AND-“

“Shut up!” groaned Ran.

“E-excuse me?” Joey stammered.

“Please shut up,” Ran repeated. “You’d do us all a favor.”

“Don’t… don’t do this to me!” sobbed Joey. “O-or else!”

“Or else what?” Ran asked, clearly not believeing Joey was a threat.

Joey leaned over to Ran. “Or else I will find you, and ruin your life!” he hissed.

Ran couldn’t help but jump so much he completely fell out of his lounge cair. Picking himself out of the hot beach sand, he looked up, alarmed. “W-weren’t you just in Johto?!”

“Of course not!” replied Joey, bursting with happiness. “I was watching you from the shrubs over there!”

“Then why call me?!”

“I was afraid you’d think I’m a stalker if you knew I followed you here.”

“You FOLLOWED me here?!” exclaimed Ran.

“Of course. After that mute lunatic guy left Johto, I needed a new passion besides Rattata! And then you came, and set my heart ABLAZEwith your fury, your motives, your everything!”

“So you followed me here,” Ran repeated dryly.

“Of course.”

“Get out of my life!” screamed Ran shrilly as he took off running into the metropolis. Joey chuckled and engaged a pursuit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Will he live?” asked the nurse, tears beginning to fill her eyes.

Death stopped jumping on Zub’s chest for a moment. “I have not finished taking the X-ray!” he proclaimed and jumped a few more times. Finally halting, he looked down.

Zub shot up, knocking Death off balance, and began to heavily hyperventilate.

“See?” said Death, kicking Zub in the face one more time. Nothing to worry about.”

This was a good chapter. I love Ran's interactions with Joey, although I never pictured him to be a stalker. :/

I can't believe they serve Torchic McNuggets. I suppose it makes sense, though, because the Torchic can light the oil on fire, and then be cooked. It actually sounds good.

Kyurem on a diet XD

Miror B. is right. Every chapter somehow ends with something exploding, setting on fire, or something. It's funny, especially when it happens for no particular reason. Hmm, maybe you could do a chapter about why everything explodes so easily!

Also, at the very end, you accidentally called McDiglett's McDonald's. Only mistake I caught.

...

Kyurem on a diet XD

I have discovered what a signature is.

This is Bidoof. Many people loathe it with their lives. If you are of the few people who love this little beaver, put this in your sig. Started by Warrior Scolipede

“Doctor Gemini, fetch me the status report…. incoherently!” yelled Death, getting into the swing of things, to his faithful but sadly underused Sableye. “I hope you realize I meant immediately because I wouldn’t have caught it if I wasn’t reading the German subtitles!” he added.

“So, nurse…” Death continued, now looking at his assistant, of whom he had grown a sudden lust…. to kill. “Wanna… hug me?”

“No.”

“Step on that chainsaw I left running in the gym?”

“No.”

“Dang nabbit,” he swore.

“Anyway, doctor,” she said, trying to get him back on track. “We have another patient. He saw ‘a giant purple bird swoop down and steal his boat’, which gave him a heart attack.”

“Ugh. Fine, I’ll do it,” Death muttered, reaching for his vice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ran turned down an alley and hid behind a dumpster, hoping he was safe. All morning he had been running from this lunatic who wanted to tell him EVERY detail about his stupid purple rat.

Ran was wrong. About the safe part; the second part was very true.

Joey peeked out of the dumpster and giggled. “Hello again,” he whispered softly.

“Commie Blaster!” Ran yelled, obliterating the dumpster. Admiring his handwork, he took off again.

Joey just stood up, brushed the ash and debris off his shorts and skipped after Ran.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Miror B. sat up and rubbed his afro. Looking around, he noticed that Kyurem was struggling for consciousness and Eff Ecks was having a seizure. Since you can’t be dead if you’re having a seizure, he figured that both of them are probably alright.

Then he turned to Rainbow Six.

“Seriously dude, what the hell?!” he asked, gesturing behind him. “This was my third favourite Diglett-themed restaurant with a clown mascot!”

Rainbow Six rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “I’m sorry boss, but the golden fish told me to…”

“So… because our author is too cheap to use real methods, he creates our world out of an easily exploding material,” Miror B. repeated hollowly.

“Yup.”

“Well, that’s good to know. I’m certain it won’t be used for evil purposes in the future,” Miror B. stated merrily. “Anyway, let’s save Eff Ecks. Poor guy. And while we’re at it, let’s all go to a movie.”

“Which one?”

“I don’t know. Have you seen Bra*beep* yet?”

“Nope. Nice censorship, by the way,” complimented Rainbow Six.

“Thank you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Death continued impatiently beating his patient’s lungs with a rubber mallet as Zub and his unnamed nurse hovered uncomfortably close by. “Weee,” he said sarcastically as the patient began recovering.

“Sometimes…. sometimes I like to lie on the floor and pretend I’m a carrot,” moaned his patient contentedly.

“Yeah yeah, that’s nice,” said Death, who began poking the small intestine. “Say, do you think you’ll need this?”

“Yes.”

“Oh well,” Death said and threw it in the rubbish bin. “You’re better now.”

“…Robot in the hospital! It’s nightmare #487 come true… again!” screamed the nurse as she fainted.

Oh, dear. Terribly sorry, missus, but I come to deliver a message from young Zub. ‘Shouldn’t we be going?’ he asks..

“Ugh, fine. I think Ran is in some metropolitan paradise anyway. We should go there.”

And so, Death, forgetting all about the other patients he was somehow curing even though no one knew how, left the building and left them all to an unconscious nurse and a staff gone for the assistant head executive janitor’s wedding.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“We can’t go to the movies,” Eff Ecks whined. “We need to wrap up this sub-plot and stop Kyurem!”

“I knew we should have left him in the seizure,” Miror B. whispered to Rainbow Six, who agreed wholly.

“You cannot! The 4th Wall is providing my existence! And no one is near the 4th wall! NO ONE!”

“Actually, come to think of it, there WAS one guy… but he left…” glared Miror B. Eff Ecks teleported away.

“So… how many carbs do you have?” Kyurem awkwardly asked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I’m so sorry it had to end this way,” Eff Ecks cooed to the sobbing 4th Wall. “But I must, I really must, you know that, yeah? I hate to do it, even after all the time we’ve spent together as forgotten characters in this ditch…” his voice trailed off. “But I must,” he finally concluded.

The 4th Wall sniffled and attempted to stifle a sob.

Eff Ecks turned to you.

Yes, you, dear reader. You.

“Did you know,” he stated calmly, “that, according to recent, metafictional surveys we took, three out of ten people find this story at least three percent more interesting than the leading brand of instant noodles?”

“It’s not working!” cried the 4th Wall desperately.

“Um…. er…” panicked Eff Ecks, now having to rush. “Hello…. Reader. I am SO glad you managed to read all the way here. This might be the point where I insult you, or make a metafictional comment, but I’m a little uncomfortable with that. It would seem like a cheap trick, no?

So… I thought I could use this space to find some of the most wonderful things about YOU. In fact, some of the things I would use to describe you best.

‘That’s a lovely skirt you may or may not be wearing. It goes majestically with the plot of this fanfiction.’

‘I adore the way you look at your monitor like that! It’s like you were made to look at it!’

‘You know what I love most about you, Reader? That we work so well together. Also your skirt.’

‘I simply HAVE to know where you got your haricut, it looks so cute!’” Eff Ecks looked at the 4th Wall, who was starting to shatter and was shivering uncontrollably.

“I didn’t want to do this,” he sighed. “But you, Reader, are my favourite reader, as in, ever! Of all time. But be quiet. I don’t want the other readers getting jealous.” He glanced over and noticed the 4th wall somewhat intact.

“Oh, for Death’s sake,” he mumbled. “How else can I smash this poor, miserable guy?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~

“Wow,” whistled Kyurem. “I could eat, like, five of you and still maintain my figure.”

“I know, right? I try to keep myself in the best dancing form possible in case a dragon on a diet attempts to eat me.”

“Was that sarcasm?”

“No. It was disco sarcasm.”

“How could I have been so blind?!” Kyurem gasped, smacking itself.

“You… never asked the broom?” asked Miror B., pointing to a broom.

“So, broom….” Kyurem began awkwardly. “How are you?”

“Em pleh!” the broom screamed. “Moorb denrut otni a mroob!”

“What kind of broom is this?” asked Kyurem.

Miror B. pushed the broom over. “There!” he cried triumphantly.

“ˇlɐnpıʌıpuı pǝpɐǝɥ-snoqlnq 'ɯooɹq ɐ llıʇs ɯ,I” the broom yelled.

“Ah, yes. That is quite the problem,” he replied.

“Do you have any idea of what it’s whispering?” asked Kyurem to Miror B.

“Not a clue. I think he’s speaking Dutch or Amish or something.”

“Everyone seems to be fluent in some foreign language,” sighed Kyurem.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~

“…I swear, I’m very well-read!” pleaded Eff Ecks to the reader as the 4th Wall cried to itself. “I mean, there was that one where the afro-man whose name I’ve never bothered to learn was a gym leader, andf that one with the drunk that everyone loved, and…. and… I can’t take it any more!” screamed Eff Ecks. “I can’t do this alone!”

“Then I shall help you,” said the Author wisely, his slick black hair pulled into a wave of gorgeous flying hair in the wind-

“Cut it out,” snapped Eff Ecks. “That’s my job. And you couldn’t have come any sooner? I mean, two authors talking is the perfect way to smash this wall to oblivion!”

“Ah…. I was busy.”

“Doing what?”

“Important stuff, like…. like exactly not having Rick turn all the pebbles in my garden exactly thirty-five point eight degrees to their slightly more attractive side, definitely not!”

“That’s an oddly specific detail.”

“But wholly irrelevant!”

Eff Ecks took a moment to rub his face after slapping it too hard. “Okay. So we have to break he fourth wall as much as possible. Tell me about the Authors Five you’ve mentioned previously, though only in passing.”

“Well, they consist of five authors, that are all fictional-“

“WHAT!”

“Personas of real personifications!” The Author concluded.

“How come I’ve never met them?”

“Remember that one time?” The Author had to struggle to contain his laughter.

“You said you would never tell!”

“And you said that chocolate cows laughed out chocolate milk. I guess we can’t all have what we want.”

“Fine. Whatever. But who else is in the group?”

“You, me, Machiavelli-“

“Machyiavelli is in our staff?!” Eff Ecks exclaimed. “This is so am-“

“Machiavelli is the name of my goldfish.”

“I…er… wha?”

“I named my goldfish Machiavelli.”

“And you entrusted it with the sacred position of ‘author’.”

“Yes,” the Author confirmed.

“What does ‘Machiavelli’ do?”

“He’s the Stunt Double for… everyone.”

“Alright… I’ll buy it. Who are the last two?”

The Author thought for a moment/ “Next up is Glitter.”

“’Glitter?’ What does…. ‘Glitter’ do?” Eff Ecks was by now very curious.

“She comes up with what all the characters do.”

The FX guy scratched his chin. “Why have I never met her?”

“She’s in a straight jacket, in a room made entirely out of mattresses, and she’s a psychotic murderer.”

“You know, oddly enough, so much of this fic is starting to make sense. anyway, who’s the last guy?”

“The Editor-in-Chief. I’ve never actually met him, but I think he’s a fish too. I call him Fishlips but it’s not very polite and he doesn’t like it.”

“You don’t even know who your Editor-in-Chief is?”

“Not a clue!” the Author confirmed merrily.

Glancing over his shoulder, Eff Ecks was relieved. “The 4th Wall is almost dead!” he yelled jovially.

“Oh, you wanted to smash it?” asked The Author curiously. “That’s easy.” He took in a deep breath.

“AAAAUTHOR…. PAWNCH!” screamed the Author, hitting the wall and smashing it completey and entirely, as well as some surrounding fabric of the space-time continuum,

Somewhere very distant, an evil voice chuckled softly to himself in the sinister Dark Room. “Right into my trap,” he mused to himself. “I thank thee for ridding me of my first bothersome lock; the 4th wall.”

“Sir, why is it so dark?” asked an intern.

“To be more ominous. And you couldn’t have waited until the chapter’s end to ask that?” he replied grumpily.

“Oh! I think I found the problem!” he said happily as the lights flicked back on. “There you go, boss!”

The golden Magikarp glared at his new hire from across the room. “Fetch me some coffee, Intern Paco, and take the rest of the day off,” he moaned unhappily

That was probably one of your best chapters. No more 4th wall, so that should create more humor. This also did explain so much of the story. Why everything explodes, why it's so crazy and random(what was he thinking?), yeah. I hope we see more of Joey! The thing I'm wondering is, if everyone hates his phone calls, why does everyone accept his number? Or even answer?

Kyurem was eaten. I wonder how that'll affect BW2...

I have discovered what a signature is.

This is Bidoof. Many people loathe it with their lives. If you are of the few people who love this little beaver, put this in your sig. Started by Warrior Scolipede

Let me start with this: SWEET MOTHER OF GOD. THE RANDOM. I LUV IT. It reminds me of better days. ;.;
You execute the randomness and overuse of clichés astonishingly well. The multiple references you made to other series, PLUS the copyright infrigement jokes were my favourite.

On to the characters. Death. I love him. Let me kidnap him and make him my slave. >8D I just love the way you portray him as a giddy, over-enthusiastic, non people... spirit that loves shiny stuff. Ran is probably who I like the least, but that's probably because I don't get the comunism jokes. <--- Does not understand politics
My fave is probably Miror B. A certain user I know would probably LOVE this fic just because of him.

Your description, from what I've read, CAN get a bit confusing. For me at least. But, most of the time, you portray what you want us to imagine quite well. A bit of advice: Don't put too many jokes in a single chappie. Trust me, I've done it on That Show and now I can't seem to have many ideas. Then again, I've only read until Chapter 9, so you might have actually stopped doing this.

Grammar is probably your weakest point here. As some users point out, you have alot of flaws in your writing, that can be noticed after proofreading calmly. You might want to slow down a bit after writing the chapter and read it calmly, as if you're a reviewer. (so sorry if I'm pretty much insinuating you post things without proofreading them; not my intention, I swear)

That was probably one of your best chapters. No more 4th wall, so that should create more humor. This also did explain so much of the story. Why everything explodes, why it's so crazy and random(what was he thinking?), yeah. I hope we see more of Joey! The thing I'm wondering is, if everyone hates his phone calls, why does everyone accept his number? Or even answer?

you say that like they have a choice

Originally Posted by Z-nogyroP

Kyurem was eaten. I wonder how that'll affect BW2...

I'd like to think this occurs a few years after all the games, when the world has gone to rubbish. And besides, he wasn't eaten; he was consumed within the afro.

Yay big review

Originally Posted by GalladeofSpades

Here for the review game. And let me say...

omg u suck nevr rit agein

Never Ritz again? But I love those crackers! :'c

[QUOTE=GalladeofSpades;14776826]nah. This is awesome. I'm still a bit behind chapters(finished reading chapter 9), but I'll catch up... eventually. xD[/qupte]
It doesn't help that they're all so short... like a bunch of midgets. Midget chapters. Yeeeah.

Originally Posted by GalladeofSpades

On to the review:

Let me start with this: SWEET MOTHER OF GOD. THE RANDOM. I LUV IT. It reminds me of better days. ;.;
You execute the randomness and overuse of clichés astonishingly well. The multiple references you made to other series, PLUS the copyright infrigement jokes were my favourite.

Better days? I wish I was older then. ;-;
I have no idea how many other series I've referenced.... I have a list somewhere, it's big.

Originally Posted by GalladeofSpades

On to the characters. Death. I love him. Let me kidnap him and make him my slave. >8D I just love the way you portray him as a giddy, over-enthusiastic, non people... spirit that loves shiny stuff. Ran is probably who I like the least, but that's probably because I don't get the comunism jokes. <--- Does not understand politics
My fave is probably Miror B. A certain user I know would probably LOVE this fic just because of him.

well what are you waiting for introduce this to him
If you don't understand communism you will not understand Ran. Just pretend he's not there. Like a cactus, sitting in the middle of your kitchen. Totally inconspicuous.

Originally Posted by GalladeofSpades

Your description, from what I've read, CAN get a bit confusing. For me at least. But, most of the time, you portray what you want us to imagine quite well. A bit of advice: Don't put too many jokes in a single chappie. Trust me, I've done it on That Show and now I can't seem to have many ideas. Then again, I've only read until Chapter 9, so you might have actually stopped doing this.

Given that most, if not all, of my jokes, references, and jabs are either accidental or made up on the spot, I'm not sure how this could apply. But I'll be wary.
As for descriptions; I make it confusing on purpose. Forces you to take control of the imaginative narrative.

Originally Posted by GalladeofSpades

Grammar is probably your weakest point here. As some users point out, you have alot of flaws in your writing, that can be noticed after proofreading calmly. You might want to slow down a bit after writing the chapter and read it calmly, as if you're a reviewer. (so sorry if I'm pretty much insinuating you post things without proofreading them; not my intention, I swear)

It's not? Because, to be very honest, I hate reading my own work, especially after writing it. this is probably why I fail at essays and the like
I mostly just correct myself as I go, if I notice it. If not, the people here usually catch it for me.

Originally Posted by GalladeofSpades

Honestly, keep on at it. This fic has promise. LOTS OF IT.

Review End

Hurray for an unexpected ending on your part!

Originally Posted by GalladeofSpades

PS:

OMIGOD DID YOU JUST REFERENCE FAWFUL? 8D

Yes. Yes I did.i really need to find that list I've been keeping track of

I must say... I clicked on this story expecting some kind of adventure.

What I found... is hilarity.

A previous one-shot of mine is godawful while this story is godly. Seriously.

Though I will admit that while I was snickering my guts out (if I guffawed, my grandmother would want to know what I was laughing at), I was mind-blown all the same. I should've worn a helmet from the start. Thankfully, things started to fall into place for me around the time of Gordon's introduction, so it's been rather smooth thus far. The crazy randomness is still there, but not as ubiquitous as it was.

Wait...

It's hard to choose a character I enjoy, especially now that you're making connections with all of these characters. But as of recent, I'll have to say Death. Not that he wasn't awesome to begin with, he was rather charming from the start. And that's just it, he's charming, but I don't know why it is I'm loving this character. It could be the puns, the way he interacts with this crazy world around him... the way he puts up with Zub and Ran, I don't know. I just love him. Though Miror B. is really funny himself. You made his afro more awesome. Why isn't bobandbill all over this story by now?

I know there's a plot in here, but I think it's starting to go 'splodey on us again from the looks of it. And after all that time and energy putting it back together again, too. They can just never get a break, can they?

And despite all of this randomness and clichés that are going on (though admittedly, I don't know a whole lot of clichés to identify them from memory), it... it fits. I don't know how to describe it, but for whatever reason, this story works. I haven't read your other story for comparison, but I can tell you're having fun with this, and (kinda) running with it to the ends of the universe. And then some. (And of course, you have TV Tropes within reach.) Your references are clever, the ones I was able to get, anyway. (Currently, it's still the reference to The Lion King.)

Oh yeah, speaking about the style, I had gotten this Lemony Snicket vibe for the first few chapters, and then a new style came into play. Though I'm also getting another vibe, I just can't for the life of me pin-point it out. But you have an inspiration, I know you do, and it shows, whatever it is.

The only issue I have is your grammar, which is easily fixable.

Slap me on that PM list, Zibdas. I'd do it myself, but the monitor's not letting me for some odd reason.

I must say... I clicked on this story expecting some kind of adventure.

What I found... is hilarity.

poor adventure. He was replaced with Hillary.

Originally Posted by Kutie Pie

A previous one-shot of mine is godawful while this story is godly. Seriously.

I wouldn't say that. i mean, they're similar. Both involve psychopaths though yours only briefly) whose ultimate goal is to get everyone to have a bath.

Originally Posted by Kutie Pie

Though I will admit that while I was snickering my guts out (if I guffawed, my grandmother would want to know what I was laughing at), I was mind-blown all the same. I should've worn a helmet from the start. Thankfully, things started to fall into place for me around the time of Gordon's introduction, so it's been rather smooth thus far. The crazy randomness is still there, but not as ubiquitous as it was.

None of this makes sense to me!
Seriously what is a guffaw

Originally Posted by Kutie Pie

It's hard to choose a character I enjoy, especially now that you're making connections with all of these characters. But as of recent, I'll have to say Death. Not that he wasn't awesome to begin with, he was rather charming from the start. And that's just it, he's charming, but I don't know why it is I'm loving this character. It could be the puns, the way he interacts with this crazy world around him... the way he puts up with Zub and Ran, I don't know. I just love him. Though Miror B. is really funny himself. You made his afro more awesome. Why isn't bobandbill all over this story by now?

I think part of the reason is I accidentally offened him with something. Oh well.

Originally Posted by Kutie Pie

I know there's a plot in here, but I think it's starting to go 'splodey on us again from the looks of it. And after all that time and energy putting it back together again, too. They can just never get a break, can they?

There's a plot. I (and everyone else, I should think) are still figuring it out though. Me to a lesser extent.

Originally Posted by Kutie Pie

And despite all of this randomness and clichés that are going on (though admittedly, I don't know a whole lot of clichés to identify them from memory), it... it fits. I don't know how to describe it, but for whatever reason, this story works. I haven't read your other story for comparison, but I can tell you're having fun with this, and (kinda) running with it to the ends of the universe. And then some. (And of course, you have TV Tropes within reach.) Your references are clever, the ones I was able to get, anyway. (Currently, it's still the reference to The Lion King.)

The Lion King? I really need to find that list...

Originally Posted by Kutie Pie

Oh yeah, speaking about the style, I had gotten this Lemony Snicket vibe for the first few chapters, and then a new style came into play. Though I'm also getting another vibe, I just can't for the life of me pin-point it out. But you have an inspiration, I know you do, and it shows, whatever it is.

lemony is the most delicious name i have ever heard My inspiration is to not suck. These reviews seem to indicate that I'm doing okay.

Originally Posted by Kutie Pie

The only issue I have is your grammar, which is easily fixable.

My proofreader is on leave indefinitely. If he ever finds the time to get back to it, that's my solution. Until then... I don't know. I will have my sock puppet to do it.

Originally Posted by Kutie Pie

Slap me on that PM list, Zibdas. I'd do it myself, but the monitor's not letting me for some odd reason.

Be nice to your monitor. It secretly has a crush on you.
Anyway, added. Hoorah!

Originally Posted by Z-nogyroP

Wait, what? There's a PM list? Why was I not informed of this earlier? I want on, please. I've almost missed at least three chapters.

Well, geez, I mean, it's only in the OP! Silly Gyro. YOu so silly.
Added as well.

Not that one, no. The one-shot I was referring to is old. Six years, I believe it has been.

I tried searching and couldn't find it, since you have several threads that are six years old. One of which was good enough to apparently get a sticky. And maybe I have an inferiority complex, but my las attempt was rubbish.

Originally Posted by Kutie Pie

xD Guffaw is a guttural laugh of sorts. Think "BWAH HA HA".

So... like a sheep

Originally Posted by Kutie Pie

And that's fine with me.

Less work now; more thoughts later

Originally Posted by Kutie Pie

Can't argue.

unless... you were all paid to like it?!

Originally Posted by Kutie Pie

xD Maybe your sock puppet will be a good proofreader.

Never mind that. He's sooooo fired. I cannot believe he just tried to bite me.

Originally Posted by Kutie Pie

Oh gosh, is that why it keeps getting dirty o_O?

It's also fragile. Macs are fragile.

oo, so scandalous

Anyway, thank you for the reviews people, it was very motivating and uplifting. If anyone cares, Chapter.... whichever comes next is in the works. (starting now... i mean in ten minutes) I swear, less openly-psychopathic characters this one!

Don't forget, I'm still open for suggestions to what Pokémon characters should catch/bonus chapter ideasChapter 18: Settling Down... Kinda

“Well, this is certainly new,” commented Death as he and Zub walked down the main street of Magna Excipe’s sprawling metropolitan area. “Nobody trying to steal the story, no one trying to kill us, no giant Pokémon trying to destroy everything we love… No creepy, underage, rodent-obsessed children following us around.”

Death paused and thought for a moment.

“Yep, this is the good life,” he announced.

Suddenly a bunch of police came running by.

“Whoa,” he said stunned. “Since when does the world have police that do anything? I’ve been to countless dimensions, video games, read other people’s fics… there were no police!”

One of the officers turned to him. “Oh, us? We’re not really doing anything. But we’re all really thirsty so we’re going to Kanto to con people into feeding us.?”

“How corrupt,” mused Death. “I love it.”

The officers went on their way as Death turned to Zub. “You know what we need?”

Zub stopped sipping his lemonade and looked at Death.

“We need to con some rich guy into giving us stuff!” Death announced proudly. “Come now, there’s a tall building over there, that means there’s at least one rich guy there…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ran looked down at Joey. As he slowly gained consciousness, he realized he was duct-taped to the ceiling.

“Um, hello?” he called. “Yes, hello, I seem to be stuck…!”

Joey slowly woke up and looked up at his victim. “So you are!” he called back.

“Do you suppose you could let me down?!” asked Ran. He realized there was a ton of noise going on everywhere.

“Muppet Fu should set keys down?!” repeated Joey, confused.

“No. Let me down!”

“Set your crown?”

“Let me down!”

“Fret pee frown?!” asked Joey, more confused than ever.

“You’re hopeless!” cried out Ran in frustration.

“No, I don’t eat fish!” replied Joey.

“You’re Jewish?” Ran asked.

“Bless you!”

“Oh, this is impossible…” moaned Ran.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This is a lot of stairs,” wheezed Death. “I’m glad I can’t sweat, else my Hawaiian shirt would be SOAKED!” he laughed, rubbing the floral print on his polo shirt.

Zub, meanwhile, was using the elevator.

“Oh man, if only there was an elevator!” coughed Death. I’ve been running, and I’m only on the 151st floor! There’s like ninety more!”

Zub tapped his foot to the elevator music. He couldn’t help but wonder how terrible of a gym theme it would be.

“We’re almost there!” Death cried out to the Zub that wasn’t following him. “Then… we scam!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And now…. a special, NEVER BEFORE SEEN (by mortals) LOOK INTO THE WORLD OF ZUB’S VILLAGE
WOOOOOOOO

“-And then I was like, ‘jiggly moon biscuits!’ and she was all ‘WOWBAGGER ZOIDBERG MUFFIN’ and of course I HAD to repeat-“ continued on Mama Pants before her audience, the elder, slapped her.

“Please shut up,” he begged.

“Why, I never! I’m going to tell Leather about this!”

“Jean, please, just…. Hey, what is that?” the elder asked, pointing to a shaking mound of earth.

Then, an overly buff teenager burst out of it, unusually well kept for being under there for several weeks now.

And for being dead. But this doesn’t matter. He was covered in dirt, man.

“WHERE’S THAT PUNK?!” Galidor roared, pulling himself out of the earth.

“G-Galidor… is that really you?!” gasped the elder, for once not being able to blame something on senility.

“FLEGMON! Hell yeah I’m back!” he yelled angrily. “Now where did you send that idiot?!”

“Oh… we, uh, sent him in your place,” the elder said nervously, twiddling his thumbs.

“Whatever, Flegmon. just get my posse.” unhitching a Pokéball from his belt, he released a small, spherical Pokémon that seemed to be emitting puffs of noxious gas. “Let’s party, Dogars.”

The Koffing scowled. “Pardon me, mademoiselle, but I am most indubitably a Koffing, old chap. I didn’t even get any tea or crumpets while you were dead!” Mrs. Pants couldn’t help but notice that he drew out and rolled his ‘r’s’, giving it a luscious, foreign sound.

“Shut up Dogars,” replied Galidor as he stormed off, Dogars following unhappily along.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Death heaved himself out of the stairwell and into the office on the top floor of the enormous building, where Zub and the person in charge were awkwardly staring at each other.

“I’ve noticed your friend doesn’t talk,” the man pointed out uneasily. “Wait, so first we have this silent guy… and now we have Death. Is this weird to anyone else?”

“Finally someone notices!” cheered Death.

“Yes,” the man stated. “Why are you here?”

Death frowned. “Who says I’m here?”

“I can see you right here, in my office.”

Nope, I’m definitely not here.”

“But you’re right there!” the man protested loudly.

Zub quietly sipped his lemonade.

“What if…. what if I’m not here, and only you can see me?”

“But, I-“

“What if NOTHING exists, and only you can see it?” gasped Death. The man looked flabbergasted.

“I’m kidding, duh. Anyway, we need money.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So… what brings you here?” asked Miror B. to the two newcomers to the small, pristine-yet-posh room the four of them were now in.

“Take over the world, they said,” Gary Stu grumpily mumbled.

“It will be fun, they said,” continued Mary Sue.

Eff Ecks adjusted the glasses on his nose. “Well, welcome to the Reformation Society for Ex-Villains,” he said, warmly smiling. “RSEV, for short.”

Miror B. handed them a decently-sized book.

“”How to be Bad at Bad- Or, Stop Being Evil, What Are You Doing with Your Life?’” Gary Stu read aloud.

“It’s what we live by!” said Miror B., patting his afro.

Gary Stu hesitantly opened the book. ‘Chapter 1: How to Read This Book,’” he said, confused.

Ranshao nodded knowingly and inhaled sharply. Exhaling, it sent out a flurry of flames that took the shape of an arm as it was spewed. Joey’s Rattata frowned at the intense heat and attempted to escape to no avail.

“Skull Bash!” Joey cried out desperately. “And… Bubblebeam at the same time!”

“Oi!” protested Ran. “Those are Generation I-exclusive TM moves!”

“That’s before my time,” pointed out Joey. “Besides, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“It’s illegal now. You used… an Action Replay!” yelled Ran.

“MAN I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT!” replied Joey.

Meanwhile, Rattata coated itself in bubbles and threw itself at Ranshao, headfirst. I won’t go into details over Skull Bash, due to a copyright infringement of a movie no one has seen in the last three decades and no one will care about except the director.

Then a swarm of evil demons and angry spirits flew out of it and at Joey’s Rattata, damaging it.

Ranshao burped and smiled sweetly as Rattata shivered in fear.

“On the bright side,” said Ran serenely. “At least I know what its Hidden Power is.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The man leaned forward and positioned his head into his palm. “So, what you mean to tell me is that you want money so you can spend it all on lemonade, a morgue, some communism hats, a leaf blower, a blowtorch, several explosives, and whatever else comes to mind,” he repeated.

“Yes sir,” affirmed Death, nodding.

“How about…. no?” suggested the man.

Death frowned. “I don’t believe that was one of the options.”

The man leaned back and laughed. “Do you talk a lot?”

“All the time!”

“Well, I have a challenge. I will give you five bucks for every minute you manage to shut up.”

“May a member of my party do it for me?”

“Sure.”

Detah thrust Zub in front of him and ran out of the office, laughing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Youngster Ian walked happily away from his school on the last day of the semester.

“Life is so good once I realized standing in one spot all my life was stupid,” he said, whistling a tune. “Though I will admit I miss Goldenrod, I love it here. And Dad will love that I got all A’s this term instead of all C’s like last year!”

“Wait,” gasped the boy. “This is the moment! Whenever this happens, it means it will evolve into Gyarados! It always happens in works of fiction, the animé… everything!”

The two sat and stared at the spot where the Magikarp had fallen into.

“Sudowoodo?” asked Sudowoodo nervously.

They continued to stare at it.

“Give it a moment…” said the boy, reassuring only himself. And even then, by only a small amount.

Some bubbles rose to the surface.

“Hey, kid?” asked Miror B. “Did your Magikarp even know how to swim?”

“Nope. I had to give it an inner tube.”

“Uh.”

=====================================

Mary Sue stared at her target and was curious as to what it was. It looked almost like an unwrapped bar of chocolate, yet it has limbs and a face.

A very mopey face. It was crying and stuff.

She approached it. “Battle me!” she exclaimed, throwing herself in front of it.

It shook its head. “There’s no way I can win,” he sobbed.

“Not with that attitude,” she pointed out as suddenly the man seemed familiar.

“Just get rid of me now…” he moaned. Then it struck her.

“You’re Negative Man! From that one game…. I don’t know, something relating to being stuck on a planet,” she said with recognition.

He threw himself to the ground and began wailing. “I’m nothing but a worthless protoplasm.”

“So… does this count as today’s act of evi from me?” she asked.

“Everything hates me!” he cried as she began backing away slowly.

=====================================

“Eff Ecks?” the old man asked. “Is that really you?”

Eff Ecks really did not want to talk to this guy. He put on a sombrero and a very foreign moustache he had been keeping in his pocket for three years now. Excited to finally use them, he said in a deep, foreign accent, “No. No Mister Eff Ecks here.”

“Oh, okay,” the old man shrugged as he walked away/

Eff Ecks snickered.

Then a buff guy stepped in front of him.

“You want to mess with men?!” he yelled. “Mess with real men!” his shirt flew off, exposing his large pecs.

“Oh yeaH?” Eff Ecks taunted. “Real men cry beards. Can you do this?”

The buff guy ran away crying. “It was the only thing at The Manly Academy of Manliness, founded by Hubert J. Mann that I couldn’t do!” he wept.

“Glad we don’t have to go to kindergarten, yay!” said Gary Stu, similarly sarcastic.

Who keeps writing these books and why isn't he a millionaire yet?

Ranshao unhinged its jaw.

Everyone was disturbed.

The reader enjoyed the visual.

The man leaned back and laughed. “Do you talk a lot?”

“All the time!”

“Well, I have a challenge. I will give you five bucks for every minute you manage to shut up.”

“May a member of my party do it for me?”

“Sure.”

Detah thrust Zub in front of him and ran out of the office, laughing.

Best loophole ever.

“HELLO KID I ARE GENERIC TRAINER MAN. I SAW YOU. BATTLE ME!”

That needs to be a shirt.

Miror B. punted the Pokémon into the ocean.

“Take that, punk!” he roared triumphantly.

“Wait,” gasped the boy. “This is the moment! Whenever this happens, it means it will evolve into Gyarados! It always happens in works of fiction, the animé… everything!”

The two sat and stared at the spot where the Magikarp had fallen into.

“Sudowoodo?” asked Sudowoodo nervously.

They continued to stare at it.

“Give it a moment…” said the boy, reassuring only himself. And even then, by only a small amount.

Some bubbles rose to the surface.

“Hey, kid?” asked Miror B. “Did your Magikarp even know how to swim?”

“Nope. I had to give it an inner tube.”

“Uh.”

*jots this as "possible brick joke moment"*

“Eff Ecks?” the old man asked. “Is that really you?”

Eff Ecks really did not want to talk to this guy. He put on a sombrero and a very foreign moustache he had been keeping in his pocket for three years now. Excited to finally use them, he said in a deep, foreign accent, “No. No Mister Eff Ecks here.”

“Oh, okay,” the old man shrugged as he walked away/

Eff Ecks snickered.

Then a buff guy stepped in front of him.

“You want to mess with men?!” he yelled. “Mess with real men!” his shirt flew off, exposing his large pecs.

“Oh yeaH?” Eff Ecks taunted. “Real men cry beards. Can you do this?”

The buff guy ran away crying. “It was the only thing at The Manly Academy of Manliness, founded by Hubert J. Mann that I couldn’t do!” he wept.

This is the most random moment to date. I have no idea what this was about, but I love it.

So yeah, aside from the grammar mistakes, that was enjoyable. Looking forward to more madness.

"Well, this is certainly new,” commented Death as he and Zub walked down the main street of Magna Excipe’s sprawling metropolitan area. “Nobody trying to steal the story, no one trying to kill us, no giant Pokémon trying to destroy everything we love… No creepy, underage, rodent-obsessed children following us around.”

At least Ran is suffering Joey's wrath, not Death or Zub. Oh, is Zub in any way a reference to Zubat? Just wondering.

Originally Posted by Zibdas

Suddenly a bunch of police came running by.

“Whoa,” he said stunned. “Since when does the world have police that do anything? I’ve been to countless dimensions, video games, read other people’s fics… there were no police!”

One of the officers turned to him. “Oh, us? We’re not really doing anything. But we’re all really thirsty so we’re going to Kanto to con people into feeding us.?”

“How corrupt,” mused Death. “I love it.”

Well, that explains that.

Originally Posted by Zibdas

Zub stopped sipping his lemonade and looked at Death.

Why has he not run out of lemonade yet?

Originally Posted by Zibdas

“Do you suppose you could let me down?!” asked Ran. He realized there was a ton of noise going on everywhere.

“Muppet Fu should set keys down?!” repeated Joey, confused.

“No. Let me down!”

“Set your crown?”

“Let me down!”

“Fret pee frown?!” asked Joey, more confused than ever.

“You’re hopeless!” cried out Ran in frustration.

“No, I don’t eat fish!” replied Joey.

“You’re Jewish?” Ran asked.

“Bless you!”

Oh gosh, now Joey's an idiot too as if he wasn't before.

Originally Posted by Zibdas

“This is a lot of stairs,” wheezed Death. “I’m glad I can’t sweat, else my Hawaiian shirt would be SOAKED!” he laughed, rubbing the floral print on his polo shirt.

Zub, meanwhile, was using the elevator.

“Oh man, if only there was an elevator!” coughed Death. I’ve been running, and I’m only on the 151st floor! There’s like ninety more!”

That was pure genius, right there.

Originally Posted by Zibdas

Gary Stu hesitantly opened the book. ‘Chapter 1: How to Read This Book,’” he said, confused.

EDIT: In case anyone was wondering, what Galidor called the Elder was actually 'Slowpoke' in German.
Now that I think about it, all my characters seem to be fluent in some language or another.

Review response time!

Oh, forgot to mention. I made a map portraying the world of New Hoenn.

Originally Posted by Kutie Pie

Oh good Lord, so much loony xD. Because there's so much, I'll highlight the parts I liked.

Wait 'til the next chapter. Kicks it up to an eleven.

Originally Posted by Kutie Pie

DUN DUN DUN

After eighteen chapters, he arrives. And to think I nearly forgot about him, even if he was alluded to quite a bit.

Given that you were supposed to forget him, that's intentional. Oh, and unless you count the prologue, it's only been 17 chapters. There's no Chapter 1 and there never will be.

Originally Posted by Kutie Pie

I just noticed this XD. I guess the winner of the staring contest is Zub since the man would speak to Death in the next paragraph?

Fun fact; Clichedprotaganitis also prevents its victim from blinking. He can't lose.

Originally Posted by Kutie Pie

Who keeps writing these books and why isn't he a millionaire yet?

They appear to be useless on the outside.... but in reality, they're SUPER USELESS!

Originally Posted by Kutie Pie

The reader enjoyed the visual.

The writer didn't want to think about the thought

Originally Posted by Kutie Pie

Best loophole ever.

Hurray for silence! On a side note, this further proves what a GREAT friend Death is to Zub.

Originally Posted by Kutie Pie

That needs to be a shirt.

I could probably make it if I could bother getting off my lazy bum for an hour

Originally Posted by Kutie Pie

*jots this as "possible brick joke moment"*

I recognize the term from TVtropes but am yet to figure out what it is.

Originally Posted by Kutie Pie

This is the most random moment to date. I have no idea what this was about, but I love it.

It's okay buff guy, We forgive your inability to cry beards.

Originally Posted by Kutie Pie

So yeah, aside from the grammar mistakes, that was enjoyable. Looking forward to more madness.

Grammar; worst villain since Ran was evil 2012

Originally Posted by Z-nogyroP

At least Ran is suffering Joey's wrath, not Death or Zub. Oh, is Zub in any way a reference to Zubat? Just wondering.

No, actually. I just wanted a random, gibberish name that works for a mute lunatic who lives in that world. I think it was based off my username if anything; though I won't admit to remember.
Interestingly enough, according to Urban Dictionary, it's a generic word that can take the meaning of any word, used mostly in awkward silences. How fitting.

Originally Posted by Z-nogyroP

Well, that explains that.

"What?! You expect us to do work?!"

Originally Posted by Z-nogyroP

Why has he not run out of lemonade yet?

Guy loves his lemonade enough to always keep a few cans with him at all times. Miror B. also has several barrels in his afro for an emergancy.

[QUOTE=Z-nogyroP;14788347]Oh gosh, now Joey's an idiot too as if he wasn't before.
Or he couldn't hear.
Or he was playing along.
Alternately, you could take the canon explanation of 'everyone in the story is an idiot' I've given before.

Originally Posted by Z-nogyroP

That was pure genius, right there.

As opposed to... tainted genius?

Originally Posted by Z-nogyroP

I agree, this guy should be millionaire.

I'll keep in mind to include him later on then.

Originally Posted by Z-nogyroP

That explains so much, seriously.

On a side note, he does have real parents. They're locked up in cells near Glitter.

Originally Posted by Z-nogyroP

Loopholes are awesome. Oh, and you misspelled "Death."

I... er.... DETAH IS THE SURPRISE NEW CHARACTER YAAAAY

Originally Posted by Z-nogyroP

All in all, awesome chapter, keep it up! Let's see... How about a chapter on the inner tube Magikarp? Oh, and maybe Zub could capture a Castform!

I don't know about you, but I find it hard to write about things that are one-off jokes. Especially if they die in the process. Sad day. But the Castform, I'll keep in mind.
Or maybe one day I'll have all the one-time characters join forces and make the worst chapter ever since they stole all the jokes.

Originally Posted by GalladeofSpades

Favourite part right here. And get the hell out of here- *AFFECTED WITH SUE POWERS* Of course Mary Sue! Has anyone told you how wonderful and perfect you are?

"Only every day! But from you, your voice is sweet like Nutella, so tell me it more!"

i've had so much free time
so with some minor firther ado, heeeeere'sChapter 18: Death Toll

“It has come to our attention that no character has developed yet,” Death maintained earnestly.

“Yeah,” agreed Ran.

“And I’d like to point out, many of them have.”

“I would too,” nodded Ran.

Death kicked him, killing him instantly. “For example. Galidor. Everyone thought he was dead. But noooooo, that wasn’t good enough for the refined tastes of the upper-lower-middle classmen such as yourself! So we brought him back to life. Plenty of development there, obviously.”

“Dying doesn’t develop, De-“ Ran started before Death punted him across the room with a mighty kick.

“Dying develops everything,” reasoned Death simply. “You’d be surprised at how much a character’s personality changes if they can’t move or talk. Henceforth I believe there should be more of it.”

“But De-“ Ran stated before Death blew him over with a gentle breeze. Ran crashed into the ground with a soundly FFP.

“Eff Ecks!” Death yelled in the general direction of up. “Get down here!”?

Suddenly, the tall, lanky man commonly referred to as Eff Ecks by now appeared from thin air. “Yes?” he asked.

“’FFP’? Really?”

“The best part of being in charge of sound effects is that you get to make up your own,” he said before disappearing.

“Author!” Death cried out in the general direction of down.

“Yo?” asked the author who also appeared from seemingly nowhere.

“First off, you and I BOTH know you came from somewhere!” exclaimed Death. “Second, I believe a new compensation is in order!”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you remember Chapter 6?” asked Death, eyes narrowing.

“You’re not supposed to know of that.”

“Are you freaking kidding me?! You’re the author, we’ve all interacted, and I’m not SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT THE STORY TAKES PLACE IN CHAPTERS?!”

“In normal fics, people don’t,” the Author pointed out.

“Yeah, well we do.”

“I ignore your statement and inject it with my own!” yelled the author.

“We most certainly do not know of this, O Glorious and Wickedly Handsome Author.” Realizing what he just said, Death stopped. “You’re making me sound like the narrator from… that one thing. Except about you instead of me.”

“Yeah. Go on with what you were talking about, though.”

“I find it unfair that you let the commie-bot, of all people, narrate.”

“Hey!” protested Ran. “That’s, like, racism! I AM OFFENDED! HEAR ME!”

“It was supposed to be some sort of thing where it showed the horrible future and how Ran remembers the past, which was horrible!” the author attempted to justify himself.

Death continued on. “I think I deserve a chance to write today’s chapter.”

“No way! I‘d rather let Zub narrate it!”

“…He can’t, though,” pointed out Death.

“Exactly.”

“Look, just let me narrate one day, pleeeeease?” begged Death, throwing himself to his knees.

“Fine, whatever,” muttered the Author. “I’m done babysitting this group of… things. Seriously, you guys are like giant, idiotic babies.”

This has been a PSA from your loyal attendees from Zub: The Adventures of Stuff.

We feel as though it was helpful to all audiences of all ages to better understand… everything.

And now back to your randomly updating program.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Death burst in through the doors of the CEO’s office.

“I’m here for our money!” he announced before looking around, noticing something very strange was going on.

Looking around, he noticed several strange things.

On the CEO’s desk, it revealed that the man was named Larry deLohb Starr.

In one corner, there was an open closet with several used legwarmers that could very well have come straight from the 70’s hanging out of it.

In another corner, Zub was tied to the ceiling like a pińata, where several sock puppets were beating him senseless with large, stuffed fork plushies.

In the center of the room was a horribly obvious wine stain.

“I’ve figured out what’s wrong!” Death announced in a horrified tone. I’m just saying, this guy was HOT when he said it. Totes full of swag. “Legwarmers! I mean, SERIOUSLY, that’s DISGUSTING, man!” he yelled, using capitalization to express the horror.

Note to self; narrating is FUN! Note also to self; caps for emphasis. ♥-, Death

Larry looked up, stunned. ”My legwarmers!” he cried with a token flush of embarrassment. “They were a present from my ex!”

Looking around, Death noticed Zub and waved. “Hello friend!” he called out.

Zub’s unconscious body hung there.

Larry got off the floor and headed tot Death, handing him a crate filled with money. “Here. Take it,” he muttered.

“Awwww, is someone grumpy?” he asked sweetly before skipping away. “Send Zub back before dinner!”

Larry threw a bucket of ice-cold water onto Zub. “Wake up,” he said. “Your friend went full insanity level. Like, taking it up to an eleven or something. Wait, do dials even go that high?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, Miror B.’s reformation group was undergoing… a reformation.

Death laughed out loud, realized he did, then posted images of himself on the internet with subtitles such as “LOL!”

Anyway, the quartet of villains sat around a campfire Miror B. had retrieved from his afro. It was cozy and made the chocolate more delicious.

The opened the door to the vault and stepped into a padded, cushiony room. In the center a girl sat, bound tightly.

“Her hair is a MESS!” exclaimed Eff Ecks. The Author elbowed him.

“Hey Glitter,” the Author said nervously, thought it caught her attention from sitting on the floor, heaving. “We need your help.”

“Where’s Fishlips and Machiavelli?” she grunted.

“Wait, is this implying that she’s met both?”

“Yes, idiot,” Glitter replied, staring at him emotionlessly. “What, have you not?”

“They couldn’t make it,” apologized the Author as Eff Ecks glared at a wall.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Death sat upon his throne made of platinum proudly.

“So, Death City is going to replace Lilycove, and then…” he trailed off. “I need a theme song!” he exclaimed. “It would be extra special since the fic itself doesn’t even got one! And I’ll play it with my pyrorchestra… Assuming they’re not dead from being on fire. In which case, it would be a NECRORCHESTRA!”

He giggled to himself.

“I love this!” he yelled to no one. Then he realized something.

He was alone.

“I need friends!” he announced. “I will introduce characters!”

A robot that appeared to be strikingly familiar materialized before him.

“Welcome… ah, Zibbot Steelpants!” he announced happily.

“Computing,” answered the robot. “Is this a reference to that one great Spongebob game?”

“I see you have been tailored to my exact specifications. Also, duh!” said Death. “Now, onto busi- WHOA WHO’S THAT CHICK!” he exclaimed as a girl, who was definitely insane burst into his court.

She was very attractive; a nice, slender figure that fit well into the jeans and sparkly top she was wearing. Her hair was neatly brushed into a ponytail, and her shoes seemed light and easy to wear.

Oh, and she was holding a sniper rifle loaded with tranquilizer darts.

“Your bony butt will be mine!” she shrieked, leaping at him. Realizing what was happening, he took off running. Glitter followed, laughing the sort of laugh that would get most people locked up in an absolutely safe capsule for several hundred years.

“Shut up!” moaned Galidor. “We need some sort of way to travel quickly, and I need to think!”

“We could always have a poorly contrived plot device,” suggested Dogars distastefully. “Wouldn’t be the first time in this story.”

“Excellent idea!” applauded Galidor. “Now, how do we get one?”

The Koffing had no idea.

“Maybe only they occur to solely main characters?” Dogars coughed.

“That’s dumb,” scoffed Galidor.

“Dumb, dumb like a moose! Dumb like a MOOSE!” screamed a voice somewhere in the general describable vicinity of the obscenely vacant direction of left. Looking in the aforementioned direction, the found a teenager in lucratively modern clothes and a baseball hat playing with a Void Cube. His most notable feature was definitely his long, unkempt green ponytail.

“Who are you?” Galidor grunted.

The stranger did a bit of a spin and finished with a bow. “I have no idea!” he grinned.

“What?” Dogars politely interrupted.

The man shrugged. “I have no clue. I remember flying on some white, large fire thing… then I slipped off, no more memory for me!” he said merrily, with a hint of sadness in his voice. “Maybe it’s for the better, I guess.”

Galidor came up with a self-proclaimed ‘great idea’. “We’ll name you!”

“Wh-what?” the stranger asked/

“We’ll create a name for you, since you don’t have one. How about… Corn Ostrich Omnomnomagon?” After pausing for a moment, he thought. “Or just Corn, for short.”

The man perked up at the idea. “I like it!” he then ran around in corners, yelling “I AM CORN! I AM CORN!” akin to a character many chapters earlier.

I know! exclaimed the author Death, forgetting (to the embarrassment of the real Author) to put quotation marks around that last sentence. “I’ll write a cover up scene to hide!”

=====================================

Wild Palkia is exerting its pressure!

“What does that even meeeeean!” screamed the Mew. “-Hic, I don’t understaaaand!”

“Drink the beer! Drink the beer!” chanted the pantheon of assembled Legendary Pokémon, led by the Palkia.

Mew panicked and chugged down the entire industrial-sized container of alcohol as the crowd cheered.

Then Arceus burst in.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING,” it asked sweetly. “YOU ARE ALL OUT OF BED AFTER I TUCKED YOU IN.”

“But daaaaad,” whined Dialga. “We’re having fuuuuun.

“NO EXCUSES.” said Arceus patiently. “UNLESS…. UNLESS YOU THINK YOU CAN BEAT ME IN A DANCE-OFF!”

The crowd exchanged nervous glances. None of them could dance, and Arceus was world-renowned for all the dancing competitions he had one. Maybe it was because he ended up accidentally stepping on the other contestants, which wasn’t very appealing either.

“I’ll do it!” announced Reshiram bravely.

“WAHAHAHAHA,” laughed Arceus mechanically. “I’D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY.”

“Isn’t that what I just offered to do?”

“AHEM. YES. WELL, LET’S GO… IF YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE IT!” roared the Arceus, laughing, as it began to lay down wicked dance moves.

“I’m sure I’ll manage,” sneered the Reshiram, not even making a move.

“OH? I’D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY,” scoffed Arceus.

“Oh, I will…” promised Reshiram, reaching to pull his face. After doing so, it revealed that all was not as it seemed. “Because I am actually Miror B.!” he announced proudly, stepping out of the remains of the costume and onto the legendary dance floor.

“And you DIDN’T EVEN PAY RENT?!” exploded Miror B. with a sudden burst of anger.

“TAKE THAT BACK NOW!” cried Arceus. “MY FAMILY IS STILL MISSING!”

Then, right on cue, a familial herd of Arceus leapt out of Miror B.’s afro all at once.

“MY BROTHERS! MY SISTERS! DADDY!” screamed Arceus with immeasurable joy. “ALRIGHT, FINE! WE NEED A FAMILY PICNIC! LEGENADRIES, YOU CAN STAY HERE AND PARTY WHILE I REUNITE!” he exclaimed as the whole herd flew off.

Ran climbed out of Miror B.’s afro. “I have no idea what just happened,” he said, confused.

=====================================

“That was… terrible,” gagged Eff Ecks. “Why did you let him do this?!”

Ignoring the question, the Author consulted his walkie-talkie. “Any progress on capturing Death?” he asked into it.

On the other hand, Glitter grinned with an insane twist. “I’m hot on his heels, rifle fully loaded.”

The Author clapped his hands gleefully. ”Excellent!” he cried out.

Glitter turned off the walkie talkie and leaned over the stack of businessmen she was hiding behind. She carefully aimed at Death’s head with deadly precision, then steadied her finger on the trigger….

“Your bony butt is mine, Death!” she screamed fiercely as she pulled the trigger.

Death turned toward her direction, an expression of boundless shock on his face. “Zubbot Steelpants, attack!” he screamed as he took off running.

“Lumpin’ diversions!” she screamed. “here’s that robot?! I want to beat the crap out of him!”

“Computing,” stated Zubbot Steelpants, slowly approaching her from the back. “Error! ERROR! ERROR! NO CRAP FOUND TO RID BODY OF VIA KICKING!” the robot screamed.

“Dying develops everything,” reasoned Death simply. “You’d be surprised at how much a character’s personality changes if they can’t move or talk. Henceforth I believe there should be more of it.”

Good enough reason for me.

“Do you remember Chapter 6?” asked Death, eyes narrowing.

“You’re not supposed to know of that.”

“Are you freaking kidding me?! You’re the author, we’ve all interacted, and I’m not SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT THE STORY TAKES PLACE IN CHAPTERS?!”

“In normal fics, people don’t,” the Author pointed out.

WELL THIS AIN'T A NORMAL FIC.

“I ignore your statement and inject it with my own!” yelled the author.

“We most certainly do not know of this, O Glorious and Wickedly Handsome Author.” Realizing what he just said, Death stopped. “You’re making me sound like the narrator from… that one thing. Except about you instead of me.”

Oh god, I found that fic once, but I can't really find it again. What was it's name?

“I find it unfair that you let the commie-bot, of all people, narrate.”

“Hey!” protested Ran. “That’s, like, racism! I AM OFFENDED! HEAR ME!”

Actually, it's more of an opinion Ran.

“It was supposed to be some sort of thing where it showed the horrible future and how Ran remembers the past, which was horrible!” the author attempted to justify himself.

Death continued on. “I think I deserve a chance to write today’s chapter.”

“No way! I‘d rather let Zub narrate it!”

“…He can’t, though,” pointed out Death.

“Exactly.”

“Look, just let me narrate one day, pleeeeease?” begged Death, throwing himself to his knees.

“Fine, whatever,” muttered the Author. “I’m done babysitting this group of… things. Seriously, you guys are like giant, idiotic babies.”

OH CRAP.

This has been a PSA from your loyal attendees from Zub: The Adventures of Stuff.

We feel as though it was helpful to all audiences of all ages to better understand… everything.

And now back to your randomly updating program.

What's a PSA?

Death burst in through the doors of the CEO’s office.

“I’m here for our money!” he announced before looking around, noticing something very strange was going on.

Looking around, he noticed several strange things.

On the CEO’s desk, it revealed that the man was named Larry deLohb Starr.

In one corner, there was an open closet with several used legwarmers that could very well have come straight from the 70’s hanging out of it.

In another corner, Zub was tied to the ceiling like a pińata, where several sock puppets were beating him senseless with large, stuffed fork plushies.

In the center of the room was a horribly obvious wine stain.

Would one of those sock puppets be your proofreader?

Also, i c wat u did dar, Larry deLohb Starr.

“I’ve figured out what’s wrong!” Death announced in a horrified tone. I’m just saying, this guy was HOT when he said it. Totes full of swag. “Legwarmers! I mean, SERIOUSLY, that’s DISGUSTING, man!” he yelled, using capitalization to express the horror.

Note to self; narrating is FUN! Note also to self; caps for emphasis. ♥-, Death

This sounds like something I would do. And oh Death... You're just getting a hell of a lot of Rabid Fangirls. I wish you luck.

I actually was betting he was going to notice the wine stain.

Looking around, Death noticed Zub and waved. “Hello friend!” he called out.

Zub’s unconscious body hung there.

Larry got off the floor and headed tot Death, handing him a crate filled with money. “Here. Take it,” he muttered.

“Awwww, is someone grumpy?” he asked sweetly before skipping away. “Send Zub back before dinner!”

Larry threw a bucket of ice-cold water onto Zub. “Wake up,” he said. “Your friend went full insanity level. Like, taking it up to an eleven or something. Wait, do dials even go that high?”

Should be to. And yes they do Larry. Yes they do.

Death laughed out loud, realized he did, then posted images of himself on the internet with subtitles such as “LOL!”

Sadly, this actually happens. <- guilty of doing it once.

Anyway, the quartet of villains sat around a campfire Miror B. had retrieved from his afro. It was cozy and made the chocolate more delicious.

The opened the door to the vault and stepped into a padded, cushiony room. In the center a girl sat, bound tightly.

“Her hair is a MESS!” exclaimed Eff Ecks. The Author elbowed him.

“Hey Glitter,” the Author said nervously, thought it caught her attention from sitting on the floor, heaving. “We need your help.”

“Where’s Fishlips and Machiavelli?” she grunted.

“Wait, is this implying that she’s met both?”

“Yes, idiot,” Glitter replied, staring at him emotionlessly. “What, have you not?”

“They couldn’t make it,” apologized the Author as Eff Ecks glared at a wall.

This might bite them in the ***** later.

“I love this!” he yelled to no one. Then he realized something.

He was alone.

“I need friends!” he announced.

I DO TOO! *shotshotshot*

A robot that appeared to be strikingly familiar materialized before him.

“Welcome… ah, Zibbot Steelpants!” he announced happily.

“Computing,” answered the robot. “Is this a reference to that one great Spongebob game?”

Wow, two references of the same franchise in one chapter? Must be a new record.

She was very attractive; a nice, slender figure that fit well into the jeans and sparkly top she was wearing. Her hair was neatly brushed into a ponytail, and her shoes seemed light and easy to wear.

Oh, and she was holding a sniper rifle loaded with tranquilizer darts.

“Your bony butt will be mine!” she shrieked, leaping at him. Realizing what was happening, he took off running. Glitter followed, laughing the sort of laugh that would get most people locked up in an absolutely safe capsule for several hundred years.

Can you believe I misread 'bony' as 'brony'? Also, what Glitter said would sound great out of context.

I know! exclaimed the author Death, forgetting (to the embarrassment of the real Author) to put quotation marks around that last sentence. “I’ll write a cover up scene to hide!”

That is genius.

Wild Palkia is exerting its pressure!

“What does that even meeeeean!” screamed the Mew. “-Hic, I don’t understaaaand!”

“Drink the beer! Drink the beer!” chanted the pantheon of assembled Legendary Pokémon, led by the Palkia.

Mew panicked and chugged down the entire industrial-sized container of alcohol as the crowd cheered.

Then Arceus burst in.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING,” it asked sweetly. “YOU ARE ALL OUT OF BED AFTER I TUCKED YOU IN.”

“But daaaaad,” whined Dialga. “We’re having fuuuuun.

everyone knows arceus is a female

“NO EXCUSES.” said Arceus patiently. “UNLESS…. UNLESS YOU THINK YOU CAN BEAT ME IN A DANCE-OFF!”

The crowd exchanged nervous glances. None of them could dance, and Arceus was world-renowned for all the dancing competitions he had one. Maybe it was because he ended up accidentally stepping on the other contestants, which wasn’t very appealing either.

This sounds like something I would put on That Show.

“I’ll do it!” announced Reshiram bravely.

“WAHAHAHAHA,” laughed Arceus mechanically. “I’D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY.”

“Isn’t that what I just offered to do?”

“AHEM. YES. WELL, LET’S GO… IF YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE IT!” roared the Arceus, laughing, as it began to lay down wicked dance moves.

“Oh, I will…” promised Reshiram, reaching to pull his face. After doing so, it revealed that all was not as it seemed. “Because I am actually Miror B.!” he announced proudly, stepping out of the remains of the costume and onto the legendary dance floor.

“And you DIDN’T EVEN PAY RENT?!” exploded Miror B. with a sudden burst of anger.

“TAKE THAT BACK NOW!” cried Arceus. “MY FAMILY IS STILL MISSING!”

Then, right on cue, a familial herd of Arceus leapt out of Miror B.’s afro all at once.

“MY BROTHERS! MY SISTERS! DADDY!” screamed Arceus with immeasurable joy. “ALRIGHT, FINE! WE NEED A FAMILY PICNIC! LEGENADRIES, YOU CAN STAY HERE AND PARTY WHILE I REUNITE!” he exclaimed as the whole herd flew off.

This reminds me of an RP I was in. One of the users had a Bouffalant, lived in his afro and discovered Unova was in it. Yeah.

Zubbot Steelpants nodded. “Affirmative.” It positioned either of its fists tro where her fists were.

His chest slid open, revealing a boxing glove.

It flew out and punched her in the gut, giving him enough time to escape.

You mispelled Zibbot and to. In fact, I don't think you even NEED the to.

This sounds like something I would do. And oh Death... You're just getting a hell of a lot of Rabid Fangirls. I wish you luck.

It was all part of his horrific plan all along!

Originally Posted by GalladeofSpades

I actually was betting he was going to notice the wine stain.

He's not the connoisseur he used to be.

Originally Posted by GalladeofSpades

Should be to. And yes they do Larry. Yes they do.

This news to me.

Originally Posted by GalladeofSpades

O_O

There are many implications that re implied by this.

Originally Posted by GalladeofSpades

OWCA is going to be jealous.

That sounds familiar. Not sure why.

Originally Posted by GalladeofSpades

This was a pure win.

His afro is probably the most helpful and useful character yet.

Originally Posted by GalladeofSpades

Silly Ran, you have no brain.

Motherboard.

Originally Posted by GalladeofSpades

This might bite them in the ***** later.

In heindsight, letting a homicidal maniac loose is hardly a good idea.

Originally Posted by GalladeofSpades

I DO TOO! *shotshotshot*

Maybe you should become an author, write yourself some happy.

Originally Posted by GalladeofSpades

Wow, two references of the same franchise in one chapter? Must be a new record.

Last chapter had two Earthbound references.
And for the record, Larry's name was an afterthought. Ever since writing this fic, I knew I wanted an evil robot clone. Having Zub's last name be Pants was just a setup for this moment.

Originally Posted by GalladeofSpades

Also, what Glitter said would sound great out of context.

....Uh.

Originally Posted by GalladeofSpades

TO MCDIGGLETS.

I'm in the mood for Burger Seaking

Originally Posted by GalladeofSpades

Should be ?.

Should be ..

Originally Posted by GalladeofSpades

Remind me to never ask Galidor for advice on names to name my children.

Oh good Lord, I'm in tears right now. (And then I wept a beautiful waterfall upon seeing Miror B. in your signature. It was as though it was meant to be.)

Anyhoo, let us see which scenes amused me, shall we?

Originally Posted by Zibdas

“It has come to our attention that no character has developed yet,” Death maintained earnestly.

“Yeah,” agreed Ran.

“And I’d like to point out, many of them have.”

“I would too,” nodded Ran.

Death kicked him, killing him instantly. “For example. Galidor. Everyone thought he was dead. But noooooo, that wasn’t good enough for the refined tastes of the upper-lower-middle classmen such as yourself! So we brought him back to life. Plenty of development there, obviously.”

“Dying doesn’t develop, De-“ Ran started before Death punted him across the room with a mighty kick.

Ran truly is our poor Butt Monkey of the story. But it's been a while since Death punted him, so I welcomed it.

“But De-“ Ran stated before Death blew him over with a gentle breeze. Ran crashed into the ground with a soundly FFP.

“Okay,” Death shrugged. Positioning himself directly below Ran, he lit a firecracker and ran.

AHAHAHAHAHHA HGET IT RAN? CUZ HIS NAME IS RAN AND I RAN
IT’S FUNNY, OKAY?! LAUGH!

I get it!

Death sat upon his throne made of platinum proudly.

Guess his throne of skulls and bones was...

*puts on sunglasses*

...repossessed.

Galidor stormed out of the town limits without his posse. They were too afraid.

They knew something about Zub that he didn’t. Something happened while he was dead.

Something… lively. Get it?

I get i-- *SHOT*

“That’s dumb,” scoffed Galidor.

“Dumb, dumb like a moose! Dumb like a MOOSE!” screamed a voice somewhere in the general describable vicinity of the obscenely vacant direction of left. Looking in the aforementioned direction, the found a teenager in lucratively modern clothes and a baseball hat playing with a Void Cube. His most notable feature was definitely his long, unkempt green ponytail.

“Who are you?” Galidor grunted.

The stranger did a bit of a spin and finished with a bow. “I have no idea!” he grinned.

I imagined Invader Zim in there for a moment.

“What?” Dogars politely interrupted.

The man shrugged. “I have no clue. I remember flying on some white, large fire thing… then I slipped off, no more memory for me!” he said merrily, with a hint of sadness in his voice. “Maybe it’s for the better, I guess.”

Galidor came up with a self-proclaimed ‘great idea’. “We’ll name you!”

“Wh-what?” the stranger asked/

“We’ll create a name for you, since you don’t have one. How about… Corn Ostrich Omnomnomagon?” After pausing for a moment, he thought. “Or just Corn, for short.”

The man perked up at the idea. “I like it!” he then ran around in corners, yelling “I AM CORN! I AM CORN!” akin to a character many chapters earlier.

Yesssssss, this is gonna be awesome. The Adventures of Galidor and N--I mean Corn begin.

Wild Palkia is exerting its pressure!

“What does that even meeeeean!” screamed the Mew. “-Hic, I don’t understaaaand!”

And here is where I started laughing and crying the longest. It's almost like the story reached inside my head and brought a scene to li--

“Drink the beer! Drink the beer!” chanted the pantheon of assembled Legendary Pokémon, led by the Palkia.

Mew panicked and chugged down the entire industrial-sized container of alcohol as the crowd cheered.

--ffffff...

That's scary, man.

Then Arceus burst in.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING,” it asked sweetly. “YOU ARE ALL OUT OF BED AFTER I TUCKED YOU IN.”

I imagine bad things happening to the universe if Arceus ever had a conniption.

“But daaaaad,” whined Dialga. “We’re having fuuuuun.

"IT'S ALWAYS FUN AND GAMES UNTIL SOMEONE GETS HURT OR GETS DRUNK TO THE POINT THEY GET HURT."

Mew set a world-record, heart-stopping belch and passed out in mid-float.

"CASE IN POINT."

“NO EXCUSES.” said Arceus patiently. “UNLESS…. UNLESS YOU THINK YOU CAN BEAT ME IN A DANCE-OFF!”

The crowd exchanged nervous glances. None of them could dance, and Arceus was world-renowned for all the dancing competitions he had one. Maybe it was because he ended up accidentally stepping on the other contestants, which wasn’t very appealing either.

I'd give anything to see Arceus dance.

“I’ll do it!” announced Reshiram bravely.

“WAHAHAHAHA,” laughed Arceus mechanically. “I’D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY.”

“Isn’t that what I just offered to do?”

“AHEM. YES. WELL, LET’S GO… IF YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE IT!” roared the Arceus, laughing, as it began to lay down wicked dance moves.

*swoons*

“I’m sure I’ll manage,” sneered the Reshiram, not even making a move.

“OH? I’D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY,” scoffed Arceus.

“Oh, I will…” promised Reshiram, reaching to pull his face. After doing so, it revealed that all was not as it seemed. “Because I am actually Miror B.!” he announced proudly, stepping out of the remains of the costume and onto the legendary dance floor.

“And you DIDN’T EVEN PAY RENT?!” exploded Miror B. with a sudden burst of anger.

“TAKE THAT BACK NOW!” cried Arceus. “MY FAMILY IS STILL MISSING!”

Then, right on cue, a familial herd of Arceus leapt out of Miror B.’s afro all at once.

“MY BROTHERS! MY SISTERS! DADDY!” screamed Arceus with immeasurable joy. “ALRIGHT, FINE! WE NEED A FAMILY PICNIC! LEGENADRIES, YOU CAN STAY HERE AND PARTY WHILE I REUNITE!” he exclaimed as the whole herd flew off.

Ran climbed out of Miror B.’s afro. “I have no idea what just happened,” he said, confused.

“That was… terrible,” gagged Eff Ecks.

I'm sorry... *hangs head*

“Your bony butt is mine, Death!” she screamed fiercely as she pulled the trigger.

Death turned toward her direction, an expression of boundless shock on his face. “Zubbot Steelpants, attack!” he screamed as he took off running.

“Lumpin’ diversions!” she screamed. “here’s that robot?! I want to beat the crap out of him!”

“Computing,” stated Zubbot Steelpants, slowly approaching her from the back. “Error! ERROR! ERROR! NO CRAP FOUND TO RID BODY OF VIA KICKING!” the robot screamed.