Tuesday, March 10, 2015

10 March 2015

You can’t replace people you love with other
people…But you can trust that you’re not going to run out of people to love.[Barbara Kingsolver,Animal Dreams]

I don’t mind letting you in on this little piece/peace of my mind.
I’ve learned more about what Love really is since the moment I BEgan to BE Mum’s
caregiver. Of course, this bit of the Journey has taught me so very much and
opened my eyes, ears, and heart to a World BEyond any I’d imagined.

There is a slowness to my capacity for DOing. I’m always
reaching for the place that doesn’t judge, label, or critique. I am learning,
like a blind person learns, to feel and navigate my World Now. Somehow there is
so much more space Here with Mum gone.

Remember how we use to pray to get invited to birthday
parties? And they only asked us because we were so grateful we'd do anything,
stay late and help the mothers wash the cake pans. I'm still that girl,
flattered to death if somebody wants me around.[Barbara Kingsolver,Animal Dreams]

Somedays, well, somedays I feel just like that. I want to BE
a part of things. I want to BE connected. I want to reconnect. I’m still unsure
of it all, but I DO love it…

Beautifully said. My dearest friend, Ruby, had a difficult relationship with her mother and ended up being her caretaker at the end. She said it was an enlightening and healing experience...for herself. Her mother never changed much--or fought changing--LOL! I have a couple other friends going through the same thing. One's mother died recently and the other's has been in hospice for four years. Yes, you read that correctly. (Too mean to die--LOL!) It's been a good (occasionally trying) experience for all of them. They do leave a big hole when they are gone. But there is a freedom from very old expectations from that person, too. Roles, you know?