My Bro, Can STILL hear you laughing after 25 yrs

My Dearest Brother. Here is May 6th rolling around yet again. 25 yrs ago I picked your teeth out of the pine trees and covered your body matter with rocks that the EMT left behind. My deep sorrow of missing you never gets any better. I cannot help but wonder how your 60th birthday would have been this year! I wonder where you are now. I still have my little jewelry box on my dresser you gave me when I was so little. You were always so sweet and kind… and you never had a chance in this life. I could not be sorrier that you could not see any other way out of your pain than to shoot yourself. In the dark, in the early morning, deep in the woods. How terrifying or peaceful was thay for you?! Those nights out there are pitch black and I remember them well. I wish I could’ve said goodbye. I wish so many things. I wish I could undo so much of the past but what did I know back then. I can’t believe I have made it 10 years past what you did!! I still think of you every time I go to a new place that is just beautiful & live it for you. I still think of you every time I see fireworks. My deep sorro for you will NEVER EVER go away. I can’t help but feel so cheated and robbed from not having you here longer on this planet. I truly hope I can see you again in Heaven-you deserve no other place to be than there. You were such an awesome sweet & gentle soul that we all took for granted. Missing you so hard shows the deep impact you greatly had on my life. This is not about me & the hole or aftermath of you leaving us – I get that you were in immense pain, but I just really want to say how much I miss you & wish you were still around. Love always, your Baby Sister