Kindness, Dignity and Respect – Modeling Those Values

Kindness, dignity and respect. These values are timeless. They are integral to the culture of society
and to any interpersonal relationship.
Indeed, they are core to any successful human endeavor.

And they are the very foundations of leadership.

In the office or on the golf course, or even on the highway,
we talk about those who we judge to not exhibit those behaviors or possess such
values. It seems that too often we
experience individuals at work and in other places where those values are not
displayed. We always wonder why and ask
ourselves, why can’t that person just be kind?
And we almost compulsively obsess over such people.

It really fries us to think about it, right? The indignities and unkindnesses of others –
and perceived injustices – often come to mind as we contemplate our many
interpersonal interactions. It gives
grist to the mill of workplace gossip and performance discussions. And it in some way may validate our own
feelings of self-worth.

It certainly can feel validating to express those thoughts
and to define someone else as not possessing the values we feel must be held dear. For in somehow defining others as “different”
or “unkind,” we define our own “better” clique or group and find some comfort
or identity in it. I know I have done it
and I suspect many leaders have as well.

Paradoxically, at times it seems that we come to define those core values by exception. We note that while others are not exhibiting kindness, dignity and respect, somehow, we must be, without seeing the faulty logic we are using. We fail to see the paradox, for in judging others, we fall into a trap of our own devices, and actually stop embracing the very values for which we think we stand.

Differing Realities

I would propose that there is a different reality we can
embrace when it comes to kindness, dignity and respect. Instead of judging
others and defining who others are, why not model the very behavior for which
we stand? Our goal as responsible
individuals and leaders is to always demonstrate these attributes, showing a
behavior that we desire to be reflected back to us by others.

Coaching Perspectives

In coaching, we ask ourselves and our clients to consider multiple realities between individuals and to work to connect with others in order to establish a shared reality. By doing that we share a common perspective, if only for a moment, and establish a trust and understanding that fosters continued efforts to make such contact. A critical step in that process is working to meet people where they are, which involves appreciating what is going on in their life and how they are meeting the world. In order to accomplish that, what attributes serve us the best as we work to make that connection? You guessed it: Kindness, Dignity and Respect.

From my optimistic stance viewpoint, I believe that everyone deserves a chance to grow and that everyone is capable of it. And we can all help each other in that growth. By connecting with others, we find out more about their perspective and their reality and as we do, model the very values that we so strive to pass on.

Modeling Behavior

As leaders, it is up to us to continually demonstrate
behavior that is beyond exemplary. We
cannot preach kindness, dignity and respect if we don’t live and breathe it
every day. Think about that the next
time you decide to talk behind someone’s back, or to make fun of a person after
they have left the room. Your
subordinates are watching you and learning from you every minute of the
day. Your behavior sets the standard.

Dave Bushy of Boston
Executive Coaches – bostonexecutivecoaches.com – is a former U.S. Army officer
and senior airline executive who works with leaders throughout American
industry.

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