Baseball players have a
reputation for being wimps. As any fantasy baseball team owner will
tell you,
players always seem to go on the disabled list for something being
sore. Usually, this is bad news for a team. But sometimes,
that injury is so funny that it overcomes any negative impact on the
baseball field (or your fantasy squad). No, we're I'm not
talking about the 'groin pull' (though that is very funny), I'm talking
about these even more bizarre injuries:

1. Testicular
Fracture: On July 1, 2008 Arizona catcher
Chris Snyder was placed
on the DL with a testicular fracture. This leads to a plethora of
questions. How does one fracture a testicle? (In this case,
apparently by getting hit in the balls with a foul tip - talk about a
'sac' fly!) I didn't even know there was anything in your
testicle that could 'fracture' - I mean, isn't that reserved for bones?

2. Anal
Fissure: On March 25, 2008, Houston Astros
second baseman Kaz Matsui was placed on the DL with an anal fissure.
For the next few weeks, every report about Matsui said "Kaz Matsui
(anal fissure) ..." As if it wasn't bad enough that the guy needed
surgery on his anus, but they had to remind us with every update as to
why he wasn't playing.
Perhaps a bigger question is, how does one get an anal fissure in the
first place?

3. Dropping a
Deuce: Mired in a season in which he was
batting around .166, many Dodgers fans felt it was time to
dump the underperforming Andruw Jones. On July 19, 2008 he took a more
literal approach to the talk of 'dumping' as he was held out of the
lineup because of "stomach problems." Jones reported "I've had to go to
the bathroom quite a few times." Sounds like a story fit for The Deuce
Diaries.

4. Golf Ball
Sized Wart: Andruw Jones makes his second
appearance on this list with another 2008 injury
that is more gross than funny: a golf ball sized wart on the back on
his knee. Think about that for a minute. A wart. As big as a golf
ball. Behind your knee. Insert comment here: __________________.

5. That's Using Your Head: On July 19, 2008 Oakland first
baseman Daric Barton was placed on the DL
for a head injury that required 6 staples (that's right, staples, not
stitches) to his head. That's not very funny. But what is funny is how
he got injured - diving into a pool that was too shallow over the
All-star break. That's using your head!

6. Falling
Down Stairs: In May, 2008, Padres pitcher
Shawn T. Estes was placed on the disabled list with a broken thumb ...
that he suffered while falling down the clubhouse tunnel stairs. The
only thing more bizarre than someone injuring
themselves falling down stairs is the fact that someone was paying
Shawn T.Estes to pitch for them.

7. Pillow Talk:
Brandon Inge went on the DL in 2008 with a strained oblique which he
hurt ...
moving a pillow. "I have a 3-year-old son who sleeps in the bed with my
wife and me," Inge said. "I was trying to push the pillow down behind
his head (two nights ago),
and when I did ... I repopped (the strained muscle)." I'm totally cool
with the freak injuries caused by players slamming their hands into
lockers or kicking a cooler
after a bad game. But to hurt yourself, and actually have to go on the
disabled list, because you moved a pillow? And it wasn't even his
pillow! Can't his son move his own damn pillow? The only positive is,
he's Brandon Inge, so it's not like the Tigers (or my fantasy team)
really were out much while he was gone.

8. Guitar
Hero-itis: Detroit reliever Joel Zumaya
missed three games of the 2006 ALCS because his wrist
was sore from playing too much Guitar Hero.

9. Spousal
Abuse: Nowadays, reports of athletes
beating their
wives or girlfriends is unfortunately a common event. Less common is
the athlete who misses a game because he was
beat up by his significant other. But that is exactly what happened to
Chuck Finley in April of 2002, when his wife Tawney Kitean hit and
kicked the Indians pitcher.
You may remember Kitaen from such hit movies as "Bachelor Party" and
"California Girls." As a result of the attack, Finley suffered cuts and
bruises and missed his first start of the season. As a side note,
Finley was on my fantasy team that year, and I believe this missed
start caused me to lose the league. Thanks Tawney.

10. Testicular
Torsion: March 16, 2008 was a great day.
That was the day Felix Pie of the Cubs returned to action a mere five
days after surgery to correct a twisted testicle. I'm not sure what is
more amazing, the comeback, or the fact that his testicle got twisted
in the first place.

Honorable Mentions:

Busting a Nut: Seattle
Mariners third baseman Adrian Beltre went on the DL in 2009 with an
injured testicle suffered when a groundball took a bad hop and hit him
in the nards. Specificaly, "there was some tearing of the
testicle and apparentl is some internal bleeding in there."
Anyone who has ever been kicked in the nuts knows how even a
non-testicle tearing injury to the nuts can knock them out of action.
But Beltre stayed in the game. Beltre said "It hurt pretty bad.
It was hurting me pretty much the whole game after that."
Of course, all of this could have been easily avoided if Beltre
had worn a protective cup. Seriously, Beltre is a third baseman
who doesn't wear a cup when be plays. Although he avoided the
disabled list, Beltre's stint on the DL was extended because "the
swelling's gone down a little slower than we thought ... it's
improving, buy slowly" The only thing worse than being on the DL
for having swollen nuts is having your manager have to give updates on
your testicles to the national media. Source: Seattle Times.

Human Chorionic Gonadotropin: Manny
Ramirez' use of the female fertility drug HCG isn't technically an
injury, but it makes this list because he took a medicine that made him
miss 50 games during the 2009 season. Sure, he missed the games
because he was suspended, but that's close enough for Bofa D's.
Manny's suspension is funny for a number of reasons. First,
he was suspended for taking a female fertility drug ... and he's not
even a female. So, either he's been cast in the Arnold
Schwarzenegger role in a sequel to the movie "Junior"
(That's where Arnold got pregnant), or he was using the drug to
mitigate the side effects of cycling off steriods. In that case,
HCG is needed because the "body might stop producing testosterone when
users go off steroids, which can cause sperm counts to decrease and
testicles to shrink." If sperm counts and shrunken balls aren't
funny enough for you, take a closer look at what HCG stands for - Human
Chorionic Gonadotropin. Even I never would have guessed that
there is actually a drug with the word "gonadotropin" in it.

Pulling
His Meat: In June of 2005 Clint Barmes
suffered a pretty much career ending shoulder injury while hauling some
deer meat that Todd Helton gave him. The broken collarbone required
insertion of a titanium plate and nine screws to help the bone heal.
Ouch. To make matters worse, Barmes originally claimed he fell carrying
groceries. That only makes you look like a wuss, man. A guy named Clint
should know better!

That's Argenis, Not 'Our Genius': In 2009, New York celebrated Mets' prospect
Argenis Reyes' call up to the big show. Unfortunately, Argenis'
rise to the top was slowed by his inability to protect his sac while
playing with the Buffalo Bisons. Poor Argenis "had a gruesome
injury ... He required groin surgery after getting struck
with a one-hop grounder while not wearing a cup." The Bisons website described the injury as a "groin contusion" which is apparently a fancy way of saying you got hit in the nuts with a baseball.

As you can see, injuries can have a devastating effect on a baseball
team ... Luckily, there is the minor league. Sure, a team can
call up a player to replace an injured one. But the real value of
minor league teams is the minor league baseball mascot. CLICK HERE to see the best mascots in all of minor league baseball.