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Darling Robin, much aroha coming to you from across the world. How wonderful for both you and Dad, that you were able to share this final journey together. I can feel your pain, your sadness, your love and your peace.
Memories are precious.
all my love
Tracy, x

"Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be." Kurt Vonnegut
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." Douglas Adams
"Moderation sucks." Suse
"Wine is a vegetable." Meaty
"Every decision you make, from what you eat to what you do with your time tonight, turns you into who you are tomorrow and the day after that." Cmdr Chris Hadfield

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Robin, You did a wonderful thing for your father in this time. My thoughts are with you today and in the future. Some of the toughest moments come after. When you want to share something with them and they are not there. This last year since I lost my Mom has been that way for me. I spend a lot of time talking to the sky.

Primal since 9/24/2010

"Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

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what a blessing that he died so peacefully. I have admired the relationship you shared with your dad - I grew up without a father. So seeing girls with their dads has always been a fascinating thing to observe. You were truly blessed by him, and were a true blessing to him.

I pray your time of mourning passes quickly and you are left with all the joy of your memories!

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My heartfelt thanks to all my wonderfully MDA pals who have written in with such kind thoughts and supportive words. We have a really strong extended family going in this community.

Speaking of family, my sister has had to go back to her home in NorCal. Her husband has had both his knees replaced recently and they seemed to be healing well but then one developed a complication with a "dissolving" suture that didn't dissolve getting infected. So they have to re-open it and hose it out.

I understand that she does need to tend to the living first and I can handle taking care of things around here. It's actually kind of peaceful, going through Dad's things by myself, packing up stuff for the Goodwill, putting everything in order.

My sister is also incredibly pissed off at me because she found out that several years ago my Dad had signed his house and the land under both houses over to me. He hadn't wanted it to be something that could be "attached" as an asset if he were ever to need long term care in a rest home. He also wanted to make sure that I had a place since my sister already had my uncle's really nice house. So, I guess she figures if she is not going to get anything out of it, why should she put in any effort to help me. She had just been assuming that she was getting half. Yeah. She is pissed.

I have enjoyed all of your comments about what a life affirming story this has been and agree with them. Unfortunately however death does have a way of bringing out the nasty underside of human nature as well.

Hi Paleobird, I've been following along quietly, these past couple of months and I wanted to express my condolences as well. Your situation with your Dad was so like mine was with my Mom at the end. I am heartily sorry for your loss.
Your journal speaks so eloquently of the love you felt for him, and the grace with which you all eased his passing.
What a beautiful way to transition into whatever is next!

Thank you, DCarr. I think a lot of us are/have been/will be facing this same situation. It's never going to be easy.

I'm so glad all was peaceful and that you got to take care of him until the end - the ways you have always talked about. We should all be so lucky to have great kids like you! Take some time and take care of yourself now.

I guess if you raise your kids well, they *want* to take care of you as opposed to feeling obligated. Who I am today is a testament ot some great parents.

My sincerest condolences. The passing of our parents is a painful stage in the journey of life but the beutiful memories of the years gone by will stay with you forever.

Yes, it does feel like a new stage. Really being on my own with no elder guidance to turn to. I'm so glad I still have my BFF/second Mom who is 81. She is making me chicken soup and being very supportive.

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Robin, its been a privilege to read your blog over the past few weeks. I very much admire the way you've handled your circumstance and your relationship with your father has been very life affirming. My condolences for your loss, which is clearly great, and wishes that your clear strength will carry you through

Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss, Robin. Warm hugs to you and yours. I'm wishing your dear Dad a happy journey to wherever he's off to next. You've been such a wonderful daughter - now it's time to take good, loving care of yourself too.
xoxo

Yes, everybody wants me to take care of myself and I will, really. I'm eating and sleeping and all that.

I am very sorry for your loss, but also very thankful that his death was good -- peaceful, quiet, and quick. I like how you describe it as "efficient."
I feared on his behalf -- based on your descriptions of him -- that he would linger in this state of dementia for a long time. It happens to a lot of people, even if they do not wish for it. I know that your father would never have wanted to burden you with such an experience, and I'm thankful that he was able to die as well as he lived, in accordance with all of his values.
And so comes another bardo for you. Remember that this time and space is sacred. We will continue to hold you in our thoughts.

Thank you for reminding me of that concept of a bardo a while back in this journal, Zoe. It has been really helpful to think of it that way throughout this time. And yes, I'm glad he didn't linger on in that state. That is no way to live. I really think we are kinder to family pets in this society than we are to our elders when it comes to this question.

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Darling Robin, much aroha coming to you from across the world. How wonderful for both you and Dad, that you were able to share this final journey together. I can feel your pain, your sadness, your love and your peace.
Memories are precious.
all my love
Tracy, x

Robin, You did a wonderful thing for your father in this time. My thoughts are with you today and in the future. Some of the toughest moments come after. When you want to share something with them and they are not there. This last year since I lost my Mom has been that way for me. I spend a lot of time talking to the sky.

Yep. I am clearing out all the little stuff like clothes, dishes, photos, and every once in a while I run across something that just brings it all back like finding his glasses where he had left them by his bed before going to the ER.

what a blessing that he died so peacefully. I have admired the relationship you shared with your dad - I grew up without a father. So seeing girls with their dads has always been a fascinating thing to observe. You were truly blessed by him, and were a true blessing to him.
I pray your time of mourning passes quickly and you are left with all the joy of your memories!

I had him for the first 50 yers of my life. I will be better able to live the second 50 and hopefully more because of what he taught me.