Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Backhanded Compliments

You know them. Those words with their hidden meanings. The simple phrases that on the surface seem benign.But they're not.We know better than most that words have power. They have life. Strength.Use them wisely. Carefully.A few words nearly broke me a little while ago. They weren't meant with ill intent. At least I don't think they were.The speaker thought she was being helpful. And funny.She wasn't.It's taken a while but I've built a scab over her words. I'm believing again. As I knew I would.After all, my belief is part of me. Not her. Not in her words or her thoughts.And I believe I can. I will.One day.

But I learned in my many years of living, that in many cases we misinterpret the TONE of those words. The speaker didn't mean it to come out that way.

SO many misunderstandings. That is why we must ALWAYS keep the lines of communication open. If something has hurt us or is bothering us we NEED to let the other person KNOW THIS. Nine times out of ten, their intent was to help.

I am very sensitive to words. I believe you may be too. And some are not. There were so many times when I've been destroyed by words. So many. When I realized that I'm basically auditory, that is, I live through what I hear, I started to calm down a bit.

Most writers are auditory. We hear conversations in our mind all the time.

People can be REALLY tactless with their words. I once had a graduate student adviser who wasn't a fan of my writing and said something like, "Don't worry, I used to be a terrible writer too." Seriously? All we can do is let those comments bounce off and eventually they won't sting as much.

I hope the scab heals quickly! Backhanded compliments can be upsetting- mostly because of our reaction to them. I think when we focus on the backhanded compliments we should spend just as much time basking in compliments.(I always wonder why I spend more time thinking about the negative, instead of thinking about the positive. I am working on it!)I guess our inner doubts have a lot of hold.

It's dangerous to try for humor. I've gotten myself into trouble saying something I thought was just a funny jab, but was taken as hurtful. I hated myself and I did as much as I could to make amends. Thank goodness the person understood.

Lee - that's exactly why I didn't want to discuss it with the person - well that and the fact I'm a bit of a wimp with confrontation! :) I didn't want them to feel bad if it was all a misunderstanding!