"Stopping, returning to normalcy, would not be a quick death. Stopping would be long and drawn out: death by irritation and immobility and boredom." Amen brother, you just described my current existance with three words. You've been alive for the last six months and I've decided it's time for me to get busy living.[/QUOTE

Took six months to come up with those three words that describe the hostility I've had towards my environment for a great portion of my life...

"I thought they ended up in seattle." Hilarious. :)

Small Block: You DOOM guys are great. Give my best to John, Jon and SuperChachi.

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Glad I could give you a chuckle.
BUT I did actually believe that there is a lot of homeless that make it out there.
I live in Florida, yes we do have a lot of homeless.
LOL

I am planning my trip for August, don't want to freeze on the high altitude rides on the rockys.
Inspirational, that is all AH!

Inspired? Yes, I suppose. But I went through a very similar episode in my life. A long term relationship with a gal that decided that she needed to suddenly " go ". The "it's not you" BS.

This began my " journey". My episode of wander. My living life close to the edge. I left what I hadn't lost and...

That was just over 5 years ago.

I am now good but memories will always remain. And for me that is a good thing. But I still find solace with the open road. And in a few months I will be on the highway with my SuperDuke. Destination not known.

When you make it up to the Bay Area feel free to contact me. We can get dining in the City. Always love good food and conversation.

As to the inspiration. I think I will limit myself to just a tank bag and a backpack. (And debit card)

Inspired? Yes, I suppose. But I went through a very similar episode in my life. A long term relationship with a gal that decided that she needed to suddenly " go ". The "it's not you" BS.

This began my " journey". My episode of wander. My living life close to the edge. I left what I hadn't lost and...

That was just over 5 years ago.

I am now good but memories will always remain. And for me that is a good thing. But I still find solace with the open road. And in a few months I will be on the highway with my SuperDuke. Destination not known.

When you make it up to the Bay Area feel free to contact me. We can get dining in the City. Always love good food and conversation.

As to the inspiration. I think I will limit myself to just a tank bag and a backpack. (And debit card)

Miguel

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I'm starting to think the same way, I've been camping the GS way and carrying about a hundred pounds worth of gear and sleeping in a tent rain or shine cold or hot and now I'm going to be seventy this year i'm thinking hotel motel and hostel is the way to go and who needs more than a few days worth of underwear. That is what they make laundry mats for is it not. ?

LA: Though I never quite felt at home there, I felt at home when I returned. And though I had a short time there--3 months in 2010, 9 in 2011-12, I seem to have no shortage of lucid memories. There's some sort of special significance Los Angeles has that I don't understand yet, like some clue in a David Lynch or Tarantino movie that will only reveal its purpose to me at some later date.

I had no idea what I was going to do. I thought traveling around the country would give me clarity. I thought I'd have found at least 3 or 4 cities where I'd want to live. I thought I'd be sick and tired of Kwai Chang Caining it around the US. But I had no clarity and I didn't want to stop. But none-the-less, I had to. I had projects and ideas and financial things to attend to. I needed to stay in one place for at least a few weeks so I could get my affairs in order, so to speak. My ex offered to let me stay with her for a few days, but the lease was up on our old place, so that wasn't a long-term solution.

The facts were:

I had no home

I didn't want one

I couldn't stop

I couldn't keep going (winter)

There was a rather bulletproof FJ sitting there in the driveway, though. And just like that plan for ADV v1.2 began.

I took the rest of my belongings and put 'em into storage and snapped one last pic of the odometer. And like I had done six months earlier, I hit the ignite button and roared off.

My last ride was sobering. And sad. And depressing. Getting onto the freeway I gave her wide open throttle through the gears, one last rush, one last taste of freedom for both of us. She thought that perhaps we were going to San Diego again, or Mexico, or even downtown. Or maybe to a new cool photo shoot location.

I indulged her vanity, snapped a bunch of shots, then carefully worked my hand down her left side to disconnect power while HAL's "Daisy" echoed slower and slower in my mind. It was the hardest thing I'd done the entire trip. I knew we'd be eventually be reunited, but as I backed her in with the rest of my things I couldn't help feel that I was burying my playmate and mistress and no small part of myself.

Thanks to HFL/RideApart for picking this up.
I started reading this two days ago (between riding, of course) and just finished. My eyes burning from reading for too long.
Absolutely riveting to say the least. I've lurked on here for quite a while, and have read many interesting adventures, but I find this one to top them all. Your adventure and experiences were so well written.
Thanks so much for taking all of us along for the ride. Truly incredible!

Putting that bike away could not be easy. Hec, your story promoted me to visit Pro Italia today just to go sit on a Panigale. While doing so I mentioned your name and story to my salesperson friend and we talked about your trip. An amazing feat given the bike's range and style, you could sell a lot of them.

No matter what happens in your life, don´t ever quit writing, ´cause you are so goddamn good at it!

Even if the next ride or journey is far far away - keep writing in here. This r.r has been my daily medicine, and it is hard to imagine life without that daily shot. Hell, you could write about flowers, and I would still check in now and then

Stay safe, and if your european journey takes you by Denmark, don´t hesitate to pm me - you are always welcome in my house.

A psychoanalyst named Spitz in the 40s studied the extremely high mortality rates among children in institutions and discovered that without touching, goochie-gooing, laughing or cuddling, children became sick, lost weight and died. His research led to the development of attachment theory and the realization that an infant &#8220;needs to develop a relationship with at least one primary caregiver for mental, social and emotional development to occur normally.&#8221; (This, in turn, led to the seemingly obvious result: solid parental affection leads to emotional balance and a child that grows up feeling secure.) The child who grows up with intermittent affection &#8211; or is abused and neglected &#8211; will suffer from a life-long sense of insecurity, feelings of doom, lack of confidence and inadequacy (despite what he/she accomplishes) as well as a whole host of other possible behavioral, psychological and health issues. The part of our brain responsible for everything we consider human&#8212;love, tenderness, emotions, reciprocity&#8212;is called the limbic brain (vs. the reptilian one that controls our vitals and the neocortical brain that is responsible for thought and language).

For those who do suffer limbic deprivation when young (which can come from enforced isolation, neglect or abuse) life can be a living physiological hell: the desire for love and affection still exists (and is in a lot of cases even greater than in well-adjusted counterparts), but the capacity to actually FEEL loved is greatly diminished. Depression, anxiety, ennui, weariness, despair, aggression, etc. are the easy-to-recognize consequences, but there are others that are not typically seen as a result of the deprivation. Though healthy limbic systems can deal with emotional pain internally by releasing small amounts of opiates (there are more opiate receptors in the limbic brain than anywhere else) when needed; an undeveloped or damaged limbic system cannot. Drug and alcohol use, for instance, perform surrogate limbic regulation that modulate, suppress and compensate for what the limbic brain didn&#8217;t &#8216;learn&#8217; in infancy and can lead to a chronic, lifelong separation-anxiety.

I haven&#8217;t not felt at peace on my bike ever. One more time: I haven&#8217;t NOT felt peace&#8212;at any time--while riding. I think clearer on the bike, the symptoms of post-brainiotomy are reduced and, aside from my hamstrings and glutes being cooked, I physically and emotionally feel far healthier on the bike than off. The anxieties and disappointments of &#8216;real life&#8217; are diminished, I can think about problems without being affected by them and simply feel as if everything is going to be ok. It&#8217;s a mild euphoria&#8212;and I&#8217;m not talking about the excitement that comes from nailing an apex or spinning the back out of a turn without crashing. There&#8217;s a connection between man and machine unlike anything I&#8217;ve ever had with another non-living thing. We&#8217;ve all felt it, but in all the years I&#8217;ve been riding, I&#8217;ve never heard or read anyone go in depth as to why. It would be easy to assume it&#8217;s a psychological result of the freedom we feel on a bike&#8212;or perhaps it&#8217;s the exhilaration that comes from taking risks--and nothing more.

But if we examine the stereotypical motorcyclist (rebellious, recalcitrant, problems with the authorities, hard-drinking, self-sabotaging, dissatisfied, frustrated, empty, adrenaline-seeking, tattooed loners who-if they find their place in society-still will never feel like they belong) we witness textbook examples of what? Limbic malfunction. (If there ever was a poster child for this it'd be Leonard Smalls, who, not coincidentally is inked with a "Mama Didn't Love Me" tattoo.)

So why is it that so many people who have similar symptoms to those with limbic malfunction choose motorcycles? Why not scooters or RVs? My theory is this: Motorcycles function as limbic system regulators and those who have the most difficulty regulating their own internal states gravitate to a piece of machinery that do it for them.

A quick examination of mammalian limbic synchronicity reveals some striking parallels with characteristics of motorcycles. There are specific sensory inputs that function as stimulators and regulators of internal systems in mammals. For instance, warmth and smells cue activity and metabolic levels, tactile stimulation increases growth hormone levels, feeling the heart rate and rise and fall of another&#8217;s chest regulates heart rate, respiration and circadian cadences, and immune system strength increases or decreases based on sensory stimulation. And if you look at the external cues that influence positive internal changes in mammals, we see how motorcycles produce mammalian signals that we desire with human physical contact. An engine is a pulsing heartbeat we feel, rpms rise and fall like air in and out of lungs, the wind caresses our hair and face and bodies like a lover would (a reason why so many riders ride helmetless even though it makes no &#8216;sense&#8217;?), there&#8217;s warmth from the engine, the bike embraces our bodies (sportbikes put us in the a fetal position, a Harley spoons you from behind), and perhaps most important the bike reacts to our every input and responds to our inner states&#8212;if we&#8217;re restless it speeds up, if relaxed, it slows down.

And why is this topic so important to me you might be wondering? I wasn&#8217;t abused as a child, but as a newborn I spent 14 days isolated in an oxygen tent. It was an event I&#8217;ll never be able to remember, but the impact of those two weeks have persisted my whole life.

So now, for the first time in my life, it&#8217;s time for me to give her a name she deserves.

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:huh

Sorry for the long quote - but damn man... I first read this post on Friday night, and have come back to it many times over this weekend. I think you absolutely nailed this. Without getting into my past, I feel many of the same emotions as you wrote about here, and, like you, I've never not felt at peace while on a bike.

It's funny, I have considerable anxiety sitting at my work desk, but holding open the throttle aboard a 80hp death machine calms me, and makes me content with life as it is at that moment. I've also found this while dirtbiking - time slows, and I can sense and feel the trees coming inches from my body at speed, but my heart rate is probably slower than it is currently as I'm typing this, and I don't feel as if I'm in any sort of danger.

You have an incredible gift. I think I speak for many of us when I say it would be a considerable waste of astounding talent if you don't persue professional writing. All the best, please ride safely. And thank you.

On a side note, I feel like shedding a tear now that this report is over. Talk about one fantastic read. Thank you so much for letting us share your journey. This report has been especially helpful to me as I have endured 3 shoulder surgeries in a year, 2 during your ride report. Once I recover, and I WILL recover, I am going to buy a Panigale and make my own ride report. It may not amount to yours, but I cannot wait to get back on a bike and ride. -Steve

I've been reading this ride report since you started it AH, and now that were reaching it's conclusion I wanted to write and thank you for it. While I'm not going to pitch my current life for a vagabond exsistance on 2 wheels, I can tell you have inspired me to live my life more fully and enjoy the things that come my way.

You have a real talent for writing and I have really enjoyed every word you've put out here. I can only hope you continue to write and update us on your continuing journeys.

As for your photographs, as someone who has spent most of his life behind a camera lens I have to say you've delivered some impressive images. They have added greatly to the whole report, although I will say no matter how many times I see them, the "delicious food" shots just don't do much for me. I have downloaded about 20 of your roadside pictures and use them regularly as my wallpaper at work. It reminds me that there's life outside the 4 walls of an office.

Thanks again for bringing all of us along with you, and good luck with all you do with your life!

First of all, a buddy of mine sent me this RR, saying 'you and this guy have alot in common'. I started reading have communicated with Dennis a few times.

Cafe Racer, FWIW...you're not alone....."That was over five years ago".......

I built two houses by myself, the last one because my wife wanted acreage for her horses. Kitchen addition, big barn, 1000' of fencing/etc (you get the picture).....and I retired early, turning down a promotion/more $$$ because she wanted me 'out of that fucking job'! I couldn't really argue with her there. I've never been more content! and then.....a year after I retired, she wanted a change....the change being me leaving. Yeah, a divorce! That was five years ago.............

I crawled off, dragging my severed heart, soul, spirit and 'being' and tried to heal up. Can't say I wandered. More like a blind man in a large room trying to find a door and then realizing that there is no door! I have to climb out! Learned alot about ME during my climb out of th at room! Learned ALOT, but am fightin certain aspects of 'me'.

Cut to today.....in a much better place! I've taken numerous road trips, over the last 2+ years, and have a few planned for this year. A new bike is sitting in the garage (MultiStrada) and.......have a new woman that 'understands what moves me'! Ain't life interesting!

As Dennis said....I've never been on my bike without having totally clarity/calmness/peace! My mind is in neutral, but totally focused. Some buddy's of mine ride listening to music and want to know why I don't. Simple....when my helmet goes on, I'm totally alone in my own world and I don't want outside influences!

Cafe.....I'm bout 5 hrs north of you in Humboldt county. You ride this way.....