We know, we know: It sounds like a bad frat-house joke. But there’s a lot of sex research making the rounds this week, and while some of it is very welcome (among college students, women are no longer judged as harshly for their sexual behavior; also it turns out rape victims actually have a higher rate of pregnancy… and goddamn Todd Akin for making that seem like a good thing), other news seems ripe for abuse (semen can improve women’s moods?!). But, hey, at least the walnut industry should get a boost with the news that eating those nuts improves semen health.

We have a dream that one day, people will deal with sex rationally and reasonably. Sure, we know that everyone loses it a little when they’re head over heels in lust — but we’re talking about something much deeper and more ingrained and more screwed up. Like orthodox Jewish men blurring their glasses so they don’t have to look at immodest women… or men visiting prostitutes for emotional intimacy… or the U.K. making it illegal to own depictions of sexual acts (like fisting) that are perfectly legal to engage in (just ask Christian Grey).

OK, so maybe love is a strong word for North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un’s marriage. But who knows what goes on behind closed doors? In Scotland, doors might be opening for gay couples who wish to marry. Which is pretty much the last country we would have expected it from (except maybe North Korea… and Iran… OK, OK, the Scots aren’t that bad). But while it’s getting gradually easier to marry a same-sex partner across the globe (to the moon and back, even — thanks, Sally Ride), it’s not getting any easier to be a VP in the U.S. (or to get away with cheating if you’re a celebrity, for that matter).

Squid have sex for three hours, STDs can cause a rise in foot fetishes, Domino’s Pizza wants you associate date rape with extra cheese, and Charlie Sheen likes to tweet during sex. Welcome to an edition of Naked News guaranteed to make you feel like your sex life is vanilla — and to make you feel OK with that.

This week Conan apologizes for a trans joke but unfortunately no one apologizes for genital whitening products, Olympic gender testing, or rape as a plot device to “strengthen” female characters. And we think that everyone who ever judged open relationships as “slutty” should apologize — it turns out that “monogamous” cheaters are way more likely to forgo a condom.

Used to be you could lie about your genital herpes or cheat on your wife on a plane without anyone paying too much attention. Let’s give thanks to the information age for bringing some good old-fashioned karma back into the picture!

Sometimes sex is a private matter, and other times, as we see in the news this week, it’s intricately tied to politics, money, technology, your cellphone records — even local parking regulations!

In a ground-breaking move, the government rules that transgender people are protected from bias in the workplace.
For the 2012 races, the Gay and Lesbian Victory Fund aims to elect an out member to every state legislature.

New research shows that boys are becoming more romantic and more careful — more like girls, some people might say — when it comes to their first sexual experiences. But just because your first time is candle-lit, doesn’t mean you should trust each other with nude photos…

We’ve been writing about sex and sexual health for more than a decade, and HPV still makes our heads swim. It’s such a complicated subject — complicated further by the emotional and political climate surrounding the vaccine — and guidelines on HPV seem to be constantly changing. It’s been in the news a lot lately, so we thought we’d review some of the latest headlines.If you want to brush up on the facts, check out the CDC’s HPV page here. And you can review everything we’ve published on HPV here.

A recent study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology looked at why men are more attracted to women who wear red — because, according to earlier studies (not to mention the lyrics of one Chris DeBurgh), men sit closer to ladies in red and ask them more intimate questions. Well, it turns out that — stop the presses! — men see these women as more sexually receptive. And according to the study, this sexually receptiveness makes them more attractive to men. Welcome to the 1950s, folks! We hope you packed your red scarf and lipstick and your copy of Sex and the Single Girl. For women who’d rather not send the message that they’re universally, generically up for it, here are a few other color-coded suggestions we think everyone — women and men — should adopt. If we start now, it should take just a few thousand years of social conditioning for the trends to kick in:

This week, Zac Efron manages to distract us from the fact that the Pope thinks he knows more about sex than we do. And also from the fact that for every two steps forward — yay Maine; yay ass-kicking working mothers — there’s always, somewhere, a step back. (We’re looking at you, Family Research Council.)

Swing-state singles: Unmarried voters could decide the next election. (Hey, that’s one reason to celebrate being single on V-Day!)
Harvard psychologist claims the data is in, and the world would be a more peaceful place if women were in charge.

The Girl Scouts are standing by their transgender-inclusive policy despite a threatened boycott of Girl Scout cookies. Which sounds as good an excuse as any we’ve heard to over-indulge in Thin Mints this winter.
Pee in Peace iPhone app helps transgender people find the nearest single stall or gender neutral bathroom (in Ithaca, NY, only so far… but they have hopes to expand!).

A man who donates his sperm to women and couples he meets online faces federal charges (a $100,000 fine or up to a year in prison) for not doing blood tests every time.
CDC study shows that the HPV vaccine doesn’t make teens promiscuous. Yeah, we know: shocking.
Fewer than half of U.S. adults are currently married, which is a record low. Cue a thousand “End Of Marriage?” headlines.

Study shows that female online gamers have – gasp! – more sex than women who don’t play games. Also, more than half of online gamers are women. (We’re assuming the researchers checked to make sure the respondents weren’t teen boys pretending to be sexed up women!)
Stephen King nominated for this year’s Bad Sex Award in the U.K.
Study shows regular sex may be the key to seniors’ happiness. Also, food makes them not feel hungry and water helps quench their thirst….

A study published in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior claims that a woman is more likely to orgasm during intercourse with a man if he rates highly in the categories of “objectively-measured facial masculinity, observer-rated facial masculinity, partner-rated masculinity, and partner-rated dominance.” Just try fitting that on a Valentine’s card to your lover. Why…

Why teens and adults are compelled to send X-rated texts. Is women’s intuition a myth or reality? Do men experience menopause, or rather, manopause? Passionate responses to Erica Jong’s recent co-sleeping-kills-sex comments. Gender-based femicide is still prominent in India. More scientific support for the idea that people are born this gay. MORE FROM EMandLO.com: When…

A study finds that Botox may rob you of the ability to empathize. (Then again, perhaps people most likely to get Botox are the least empathetic among us…)
How the same-sex marriage deal in New York nearly collapsed.