What Really Transpired Between God And President Duterte

DAVAO CITY, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – Even The New York Times has been had, reporting on the alleged conversation between God and Philippines President Rodrigo Roa Duterte during the latter’s return flight from his state visit to Japan.

Duterte said that he promised God that he would stop cussing after God threatened to take down the plane he was on.

But what really transpired between Duterte and the Almighty?

In The Adobo Chronicles’ exclusive interview with the president shortly after his plane landed in Davao City, he narrated his conversation with God:

GOD: Digong…

DUTERTE: P*tang Ina, you scared me!

GOD: Watch your mouth, I am not the Pope or President Obama.

DUTERTE: I’m very sorry, my God. How can I be of service to you?

GOD: You already are. Whatsoever you do to the least of your brethren, you also do to me.

DUTERTE: Ay, mabuti ka pa (you are much better) you understand me, unlike the news media and the Human Rights groups, they keep criticizing my war on drugs.

GOD: I’m not talking about that. That would be for a later conversation you can have with St. Peter. At the gates of heaven.

Duterte: I look forward to leaving the gates of hell, as Dan Brown said of Manila in his book ‘Inferno.’

GOD: That’s fiction. What’s fact is that you are doing a hell of a job — I mean a heaven of a job — serving my people. I sent you to earth to serve the poor, downtrodden, victims of crime and corruption, the sick, the elderly, the imprisoned — including those inside the New Bilibid Prison. By golly, you can be a saint!

DUTERTE: My God, with all due respect, please watch your mouth.

GOD: Ooops, I’m sorry. See, even I can apologize. Will you promise to apologize to those you have cursed?

DUTERTE: You mean those son-of-a….

GOD: Hey, hey

DUTERTE : (Inaudible)

GOD: Is there anything you’d like to ask me ?

DUTERTE: Yes, is it true that Cory Aquino is going to be the next Filipino saint?