On Friday I received a housewarming present from my honey. I love him to bits anyway but especially when he surprises me with such lovely thoughts. It was totatally unexpected and did bring a slight degree of bubbling to my face. It also means I have no excuse after saying how much I've wanted to learn to spin...like about 5 years! At the moment it's in the state below...

Hopefully - later on today, it'll look more like this...Then I have to learn how to use it...more stash enhancement opportunities await...!

- Whenever you see sawdust it reminds you of pools of vomit as that’s what the jannies used to chuck on it at school.

- You lose all respect for a groom who doesn’t wear a kilt.

- You don’t do shopping… you ‘go the messages’.

- You’re sitting on the train or bus and a drunk man sits next to you telling you a joke – and asking ‘Ahm no annoying ye ahm a?’ and you respond ‘Naw, not at a’, yer fine. This is ma stoap, but’.

- You know that ye cannae fling yer pieces oot a 20 storey flat, and that seven hundred hungry weans’ll testify tae that. Furthermore you’re sure that if it’s butter, cheese or jeely, or if the breid is plain or pan, the odds against it reaching earth are 99 tae wan.

- Your national team goes 2-0 up again the Czechs in a qualifier in Prague and your mate says we’ll end up losing 3-2 here and you think “Probably”.

- You can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, and Auchtermuchty.

- Your favourite pizza is deep fried and battered from the chippy.

- You’re used to 4 seasons in one day.

- You can fall about drunk without spilling your drink.

- You can understand Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like them in your own family.

- You know what haggis is made with and still eat it.

- Somebody you know used a football schedule to plan their wedding day date.

- You’ve been at a wedding where the footie results were read out.

- You aren’t surprised to find curries, pizzas, kebabs, Irn Bru, nappies and fags all for sale in one shop.

- Your seaside holiday home has Calor gas under it.

- You know that Irn Bru is an infallible hangover cure.

- You use terms such as “How’s it hingin’?”, “clatty”, “boggin”, “cludgie”, “dreich”, “bampot”, “bawheid”, “bawbag” and “dubble nugget”.

AND FINALLY….. You understand all the above and are going to send it to your pals.

P.S. And to add a few more...

- You can spot the tourist...they're the one using a brolley

- You can go out wearing only a short-sleeved shirt (male) or mini skirt, cropped top and nae tights (female) in December and don't end up in A&E with hypothermia at the end of the night

- You know if someone is fae Glasgow or Edinburgh depending on if they take vinegar or brown sauce on their chips