Monthly Archives: August 2014

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— 1 — This Week’s Post: He Doesn’t Need More TimeIt is tempting to think that guys need to gather more information before deciding to marry a girl. More time, to me, can spell trouble. How much time, you ask? See next week’s post!

— 2 — Next Week’s Post: This was in the comments section and I plan to answer it, as well as the ‘how much time?’ question next week!

Cindy, why do you think that men string women along even when they know they don’t want to marry them? I understand that for a lot of men, it’s sex, but why would a practising Catholic/Christian man (whose girlfriend is, I assume, not sleeping with him) string things out?

I’ve heard the opinion that a woman should break up with a man after a year if he hasn’t at least mentioned marrying her (the opinion-giver added the caveat that the man and woman should both be finished with university in order for this rule to apply.) What do you think?

August 28th: Saint Augustine (patron saint for all of us sinners searching for the truth)

— 4 — Of Course He Would Give Us A Pope: Sunday’s readings reminded us that God cares about us so much that He left us in good hands. He did not leave us to figure it out on our own. Isn’t it interesting that the role of The Pope was prophesized about way back in Isaiah?

“I shall place the key of David’s palace on his shoulder; when he opens, no one will close, when he closes, no one will open.”

Isaiah 22: 22

— 5 — Peter, Our First Pope: And, Jesus confirms it!

“ When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi he put this question to his disciples, ‘Who do people say the Son of man is?’ And they said, ‘Some say John the Baptist, some Elijah, and others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.’ ‘But you,’ he said, ‘who do you say I am?’ Then Simon Peter spoke up and said, ‘You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.’

Jesus replied, ‘Simon son of Jonah, you are a blessed man! Because it was no human agency that revealed this to you but my Father in heaven. So I now say to you: You are Peter and on this rock I will build my community. And the gates of the underworld can never overpower it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of Heaven: whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven; whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.”

Matthew 16:13-20

— 6 —Psalm 138: I love this Psalm:

“I thank you, Yahweh, with all my heart, for you have listened to the cry I uttered. In the presence of angels I sing to you, I bow down before your holy Temple. I praise your name for your faithful love and your constancy; your promises surpass even your fame. You heard me on the day when I called, and you gave new strength to my heart. Sublime as he is, Yahweh looks on the humble, the proud he picks out from afar. Yahweh will do all things for me. Yahweh, your faithful love endures for ever, do not abandon what you have made.”

“We lack virtue not because it’s difficult, but be-cause we don’t wish for it. We lack patience because we don’t want it. We lack moderation and chastity for the same reason. If we were to wish it we would become saints; it’s much more difficult to be an engineer than to be a saint. If only we had faith!…Interior life, life of spirit, life of prayer. My God that is what must be hard! It isn’t so. Remove the im-pediment from your heart and there you will find God. Everything is now done. Many times we go looking for what isn’t there, and on the other hand pass by a treasure and don’t see it. This happens to us with God, whom we seek… through a jungle of things which, the more complicated they are, the better they appear to us. And yet we carry God within the heart, and don’t look for Him there. Retire within yourself, look at your nothingness, at the nothingness of the whole world, placeyourself at the foot of a Cross, and if you are guileless you will see God…If God is not there in our souls sometimes, it’s because we don’t wish it. We have so many affairs on hand, distractions, predilections, vain desires, presumptions,so much of the world within us, that God withdraws Himself; but it is sufficient to love Him, for God fills the soul in such a way that one must be blind not to see it. Does a soul wish to live according to God? Let it cast out everything that is not Him, and then it is achieved. It is relatively easy. If we were to wish for it, and if we were to ask God with simplicity, we should make great advances in the spiritual life. If we were to wish it we would become saints, but we are so stupid that we don’t want it, we would rather waste our time over foolish vanities.

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“To the wrong person, you’ll never have any worth. But to the right person, you’ll mean everything.”

I’d like to address the time factor in dating. I get emails from women from all over the world and usually their writing to me is prompted by a feeling of confusion. They are dating a “great guy” but things are not moving forward toward marriage in at timely manner. These women stay in the relationship in the hopes that more time will allow this great guy to make up his mind in her favor. In the meantime, she gives and gives and grows more anxious and resentful.

He Has Enough Information

I just want to simply say that more time does not usually help a man decide to marry a woman. He often has enough information, pretty early on, to make his decision to marry. But, under certain circumstances, fails to decide for marriage and instead makes the decision to sit on the fence.

These circumstances include him having everything he wants without the need to commit. He can also tend to reject the things about her that are inconvenient or troublesome but does not break things off. Leaving her off-balance.

The Perpetual Audition

In the meantime, the girl feels the need to audition. She feels the need to be on her best behavior so as to not rock the boat. It makes it hard for her to be herself.

Everyone Has Hang-Ups

Everyone has some level of neurosis (a funny word to me). We all have our issues. I remember when Gregg and I were engaged and I was visiting him in Kansas City. We went to a NASCAR race with a bunch of his friends and family. For some reason, our clothes were wet. Maybe because of rain? I can’t remember. Anyway, all the girls told me that I could borrow their clothes when we got back to their house. But, I wanted to wear my own clothes. So, Gregg drove me back to his house which was completely out of the way. I could not explain why I needed to have my own clothes and he was not real happy about it. But, I felt free to express my needs and, out of love, he accepted this about me. Even today, he jokingly says “I should have known.” whenever one my weird hang-ups surfaces. And surface they do. But, he puts it all in perspective. I guess it is all that Superabundance!

Chastity

One of the many benefits of Chastity is that it moves things along. It also prevents the angst that comes with the audition and the potential rejection after giving yourself, body and soul. It prevents all the head games, testing, disrespect, mistrust and manipulation that result from trying to control a situation that feels very out of control.

Here is what the Catechism of the Catholic Church says about Chastity

2338 The chaste person maintains the integrity of the powers of life and love placed in him. This integrity ensures the unity of the person; it is opposed to any behavior that would impair it. It tolerates neither a double life nor duplicity in speech.

“Chastity is the virtue that brings the sexual appetite into harmony with reason. It requires, not the renunciation of sexuality, but the right or reasonable use of it…….. Reason is a light that illuminates what we are doing so that we can behave in a way that is consistent with our best interest……

One of the fundamental problems that unchastity brings about is a blindnessthat leads directly to acts of imprudence. A person who is inflamed by lustful desires is hardly in a position to do what is good for himself or anyone else.

Unchastity tends to destroy prudence and to prevent a person from maintaining the self-possession or integrity he needs in order to “be himself”in the proper sense of the term.

In the absence of chastity, a person is easily seducedinto doing things that are beneath his dignity, things that are shameful, things that do not accord with who he truly is.

Unchastity leads to a feeling of betrayal and, at the same time, the participating in the betrayal of oneself. In the words of Archbishop Fulton Sheen:

“The greatest betrayals come from within.”

He Knows

Guys know a lot earlier than they let on when they don’t want to marry a girl. If things drag on, then that is usually because he has already decided that he is not going to marry the girl. Time, in this case, is not going to help. Therefore, he does not need more time.

“So, I encourage you to ask yourself this question about your current relationship: Are you a priority or just an option? If you are just an option, break up and don’t look back. Don’t delay your opportunity to be treated like a priority by the right man. Don’t tie up your heart on a man who could take you or leave you. Keep your heart free so that the Lord can move in your life and so that you can follow His will. Keep your emotions holy so as to not deepen the crevices of anger, mistrust, self-blame and disappointment.”

If you need encouragement to do this, feel free to write to me at: theveilofchastity@gmail.com

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— 3 — Audrey Assad:Death In His Grave.I am also more of an Old Testiment girl! Check out her whole post.

“Many of the ones I considered seemed ‘cliche’ to me, which seems terrible to say about a verse from Scripture, but I couldn’t help myself. And I felt disconnected from their tone—on their own, removed from their surroundings, they rang hollow to me, as though stripped of the rightful dignity of context. I felt more connected to passages in Ecclesiastes that spoke of the vanity of life. I was more enamored of Job than of Paul or Peter.”

— 4 — Spotlight On: This week’s spotlight is on Joan from Everything Is Yours for her post calledThe Mission of My Life. Here is the beginning but be sure to visit Joan to read the rest!

‘The Mission of my Life’ by Blessed John Henry Newman

“God has created me to do Him some definite service. He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another. I have my mission. I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next.

— 5 — Leah Darrow: This was good:A Message From Leah Darrow – A Word to Men

— 7 — Kari Kampakis’ Book: I am honored to be asked by Kari to review her book, “10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know.” I will be doing a review soon! Remember I read very slowly so the review may not be posted for a while. 🙂

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This beautiful conversion story is not long but it reveals the glory of God and the healing power of the Sacraments. Note her use of the term ‘self-oriented” which means overly concerned with one’s own desires, needs or interests. Isn’t that the perfect way to describe ourselves when we are in need of healing?

I especially like how this amazing girl described the ‘tactility’ of our Faith. Yes, the Sacraments are tactileor capable of being perceived by the sense of touch. God heals us through physical means. He touches us. The Sacraments are God Himself reaching out to us with His healing balm of grace.

Thank you, Healed By Grace, for reminding us of the power and love of our Savior and Healer!

“There is a balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole; there is a balm in Gilead to heal the sin-sick soul.”

Dear Cindy,

Thank you so much for your reply. Your words and your experiences give me so much hope, I’m so glad that God has used you to communicate this message to those who need to hear it.

Of course I would love to share my conversion story with you. In some ways, it is quite an unusual one and it really goes to show how patient God is and how He is willing to wait for us to come back to Him.

I wasn’t raised in a religious family, so in primary school I was enrolled in non-scripture class when the other kids had scripture classes. In year 1, the teacher had a bit of a mix up and put me in the Anglican class – she didn’t believe me when I explained to her that I was not a Christian, so I ended up attending an Anglican scripture class that year.

From the very first class, I was fascinated by this man called Jesus. I specifically remember during Easter when I learnt of Christ’s ultimate sacrifice, and I think at that moment I considered myself a Christian. In the 13 years that followed, I would occasionally read the Bible, prayed and wrote letters to God, but there was always something very missing from my faith.

In 2008, my parents were invited to a Catholic parish by some family friends. They did the RCIA course and were baptized in 2009 (thanks be to God!). At the time, I was still so complacent, believing that the faith I was practicing was enough. I was also convinced that Catholic doctrine and dogma was “not right”, despite not really knowing it all too well.

In the last 2 years of high school, I had an eating disorder, and it left me feeling very self-orientated, insecure and alone, as well as causing other physiological problems like amenorrhea. I distracted myself from the pain by focusing on school and my final exams – in hindsight, my illness was a gift from God, which helped me to do well in my exams and called me back to the Church.

Because I wanted to take my faith more seriously, I decided to do some research, and I went to my parent’s Catholic parish to explore Catholicism with an open mind. I joined the youth group, which helped me a lot – it was very encouraging to see young people take their faith so seriously. I joined an RCIA class in 2012, and was then baptized the following Easter in 2013.

It’s been such an amazing journey. I love how rich the Catholic traditions are, and how there is always more to learn. I found that to be such a huge difference between the Catholic Church and Protestantism. The tactility of our faith really helps to strengthen my relationship with Christ, is it always a constant reminder.

Thank you very much for your prayers Cindy! I too will pray for you and all the work you do.

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— 4 — Not Alone Series: The girls are back and this week is a Freebie. I have today off of work and can’t wait to get all caught up!

— 5 — Healing Signs and Wonders: If you are in the Washington D.C. area next weekend (23rd), please consider going to the conference which features Father Dan Leary and Damian Stayne. I follow Damian Stayne on Facebook. He has an amazing healing charism which is such a gift to us at this time. I would not normally put too much stock in lay folks having such a powerful ministry but it is backed by Father Dan and that is good enough for me.

— 6 —Heroic Priesthood:Word on Fire ministries has a very inspiring video called Heroic Priesthood.

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When Jesus turned and saw them following, he said to them, “What are you looking for?” John 1:38

What a great question! I turn and see you following me and ask,“What are you looking for?” 🙂

Your answer may be,“An easy way to find the exact post I need right now!”Given that there are 197 posts, I sympathize with you.

So, this weekend, I spent my time organizing this blog and making sure that all of the posts were added to theList of Posts by Categorylink. I have not updated that list since November 2013!

I have been emailing with lots of girls recently and I often will include in my response a link to a post which applies to whatever we are emailing about. Then, I wonder if the girl missed the post the first time around? The answer is that yes, she did! And since I had not added the newer posts to theList of Posts by Category, these girls did not have an easy way to search for their topic (online dating, How to say ‘no’, college, guest posts).

The time I would normally spend creating a new post was spent on a little housecleaning and blog organizing. I hope this helps! As a reminder, the Categories are:

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— 2 — Next Week’s Post: My email has been hopping this week! I have been so busy enjoying this correspondence that I have no idea what my post will be for next week. Come Holy Spirit, enkindle an idea in my heart!

— 3 — Appreciate Your Priest: This article gave a number of ways to show appreciation to your priest. We are going to put some of these into practice!

“There was a time when I thought I had nothing in common with mean people. They were bad, I was good, and that was the end of the story. But with age and maturity, I’ve grown to understand that nobody is 100 percent good or 100 percent evil. We are all good and evil, a community of sinners in a fallen, broken world.”

— 6 —Bound to Happen It was bound to happen. A girl in Australia agreed to be a surrogate mother to twins. She found out late in pregnancy that one of the babies, the boy, has down syndrome. This twin sister, however, is healthy. So, the biological parents, upon birth, took the healthy twin girl home with them. They left their precious baby boy behind. Read the sad story here.

“She said the agency knew about Gammy’s condition four or five months after she became pregnant but did not tell her. It wasn’t until the seventh month of her pregnancy that the doctors and the agency told her the twin boy had Down syndrome and suggested that she abort the fetus. Pattaramon recalled strongly rejecting the idea, believing that having an abortion would be sinful. “I asked them, ‘Are you still humans?’ I really wanted to know,” she said.”

— 7 — Saint Thomas More (1478-1535): Martyr.

“Letter from prison to his daughter, 1534 “Lord, save me! “Mistrust him, Meg, I will not though I feel myself faint. Yea, and though I should feel my fear even at point to overthrow me too, yet shall I remember how Saint Peter with a blast of a wind began to sink for his faint faith, and shall do as he did, call upon Christ and pray him to help. And then I trust he shall set his holy hand upon me, and in the stormy seas, hold me up from drowning.”

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I am SO CONFUSED about using Catholic Match! So far the only two matches I’ve had with more than one message exchange have gone down in FLAMES. The second one being tonight.

HIM: after a week of silence “here’s my number let’s talk/text”

ME: “can we set a time to talk so I can make sure I’m home?”

HIM: “that’s ok”

ME: “well then whenever, let me know“

HIM: “I mean that’s ok like I’d rather be spontaneous and let things happen natural like when we were teens (!) and by the way I turned down 4 jobs in your area. I’d never move there. Good luck.”

ME: “Um, thanks for the clarification.”

I mean, I know I’m not perfect but I know how to talk to people. These people are STRANGE. I went through this six years ago on eHarmony, quit, and then have had NO dates since! How do I attract NORMAL?

Thank you! Seeking Normal

Dear Seeking Normal,

Gregg and I both gasped when we read your email! Gregg said “Thank God that she has dodged that bullet of a guy. He is acting like a jerk toward her!”

I cannot explain why someone would act so boorish but alas the world is one big gaping wound. I want to reassure you that his reaction towards you had nothing to do with you. Only a person who is extremely wounded would treat a girl that way.

Of course, I think the veil, in this case, acted as a protection. For this, we thank God.

I do know what you mean by some men being strange. I felt the same way when I was online. I also wondered how to attract ‘normal.’ But, like I shared in my Mr. Online Man post, it only takes one.

It Only Takes One

I shared this appalling email so that you girls will know that you are not alone in your frustration. These exchanges with Mr. Abnormal can be discouraging and can feel very personal. But, they are not a reflection on you at all. They are a reflection of the man who is behaving in a boorish manner.

Mr. Normal exists. You are being healed and prepared so that you will recognize him when he does enter your life. He is being healed and prepared so that he will recognize you and have the courage to pursue you correctly.

There is no guarantee with online dating or any other kind of dating. The one thing that online dating does is open up the whole world for you. By participating, you are not limiting yourself (or God’s holy will) to your local area.

Online dating is the most effortless way of putting yourself out there possible. Yes, you will most likely meet strange men with boorish behavior. You will meet some who are weak in their pursuit. You must understand from the get go that not all of the men will be candidates for marriage.

But one day, one amazing day out of the blue, your holy spouse could send you a message. And, things will take off from there.

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— 3 —Not Alone Series: Did you check out the recap of their trip to Savannah? They had so much fun! What a great way to solidify lasting friendships! Love all you girls!

— 4 — Spotlight On: This week’s spotlight is on Joan from Everything Is Yours for her post, Dear Jim. Gregg and I feel the same way that Jim feels when we see you young people at Mass and Adoration. We want to thank you and we have to restrain ourselves from hugging you.

— 5 — Spotlight On: I am also spotlighting an article from Truth From The Heartcalled To Wonder at Love: Wojtyla and Hildebrand. You know that these two men (Saint and future saint) are my favorite, right??

“When authentic love is manifested in all its beauty, freedom does not flee. Wojtyla realized that man desires love more than he desires freedom. Freedom exists for the sake of love; freedom finds in love its true fulfillment.”

“Yes, love is attraction, desire, and affection but it is also goodwill, reciprocity, and real communion.”

— 6 — Death Be Not Proud ~ by Audrey Assad. I cannot stop listening to this song:

Death, be not proud, though the whole world fear you:Mighty and dreadful you may seem,But death, be not proud, for your pride has failed youYou will not kill me.Though you may dwell in plague and poison,You’re a slave to fate and desperate men,So death, if your sleep be the gates to Heaven,Why your confidence?

— 7 — Death In His Grave ~ by Audrey Assad. How does she create such beautiful music? Enjoy

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