How Robert Cialdini’s Book “Pre-Suasion” Improved My Game

Countless words have been written about the role of attention whoring in the game today. While this is considerable, it’s worth paying attention to the concept of attention itself. Specifically, it’s worth noting how you can use it to your advantage. Channeling your attention correctly is perhaps the most powerful thing you can do, especially for your inner game.

For starters, the brain evolved to place extreme importance on those things it focuses on. Robert Cialdini, the “Godfather of Influence,” says in his new book Pre-Suasion:

Why do we typically assume that whatever we are focusing on in the moment is especially important? One reason is that whatever we are focusing on is especially important in the moment. It’s only reasonable to give heightened attention to those factors that have the most significance and utility for us in a particular situation: a strange noise in the dark, the smell of smoke in a theater, a CEO standing to speak.

This sensible system of focusing our limited attention resources on what does indeed possess special import has an imperfection, though: we can be brought to the mistaken belief that something is important merely because we have been led by some irrelevant factor to give it our narrowed attention. All too often, people believe that if they have paid attention to an idea or event or group, it must be important enough to warrant the consideration. That’s not true.

This is something known as the “focusing illusion.” Being aware of and compensating for this can make you a lot more confident, productive, and resilient. Though I’ve stumbled onto this in my experiences, Cialdini’s words crystallized them for me, making the distillation of experience into a productive system possible. Here are a few things I’ve learned about channeling attention to maximize your life and for our purposes, your game. Specifically, I’m going to talk about approaching in this column.

The Approach

For starters, I don’t rate girls on the 1-10 scale. It always seemed like a roundabout, unnecessary exercise to me, but more important than that, it might actively harm you. Why? Because rating a girl on the scale puts your focus on that rating. In Pre-Suasion’s second chapter, Cialdini discusses the concept of “target chuting.”

Suppose, for instance, that I have the thankless job of trying to get your signature and information for something on the street. You know how this goes, you almost never stop. Yet, that’s often because the people vying for your time are priming you in the wrong way. One group of people I encounter a lot in my neighborhood (by the nearby campus, of course) asks me “do you have time for LGBT rights?” Note the value-taking opener here. But, what if they were to ask me if “I was a helpful person?” Cialdini shows us that this is what a couple of communication scientists did when experimenting to see what lines of questioning to get people to stop and comply with survey requests in a mall. They found that asking their prospects: “do you consider yourself a helpful person?” resulted in 77% of the people they asked stopping and cooperating with them.

Why was this? The answer is that the scientists elevated attention to the concept of being helpful instead of asking for their prospects’ precious time. Most people want to think of themselves as helpful, and most people will have memories of being helpful. In effect, by asking the question, you’ve sent your prospect down a targeted “chute” and focused on that person’s experiences. In this moment, that person will be much more receptive to aligned requests (in this case, helping out with a survey or even giving out personal information), hence the title Pre-Suasion.

That was an admittedly roundabout explanation of “target chuting,” but there you have it. Getting back to my decision not to rate girls on the 10 scale, you might now see why. By rating, you elevate your attention (and thus the perceived importance) to that rating, rather than your own game or more helpful cues in the environment, and by doing so, you’ve gone down a chute that isn’t really focused on your purpose. You may begin to grow anxious, pumping yourself with worry because you’re “approaching a 9.” That isn’t to say that some girls aren’t hotter or much hotter than others of course, but I try to focus my attention on those things that can assist my game, rather than, at best, present me with redundancies.

Generally speaking, half the game is overcoming your anxieties with women. Having too many things to focus on will tend to increase those anxieties. The more things you have to think about, the more imaginary fears you can create as a result of them, and now elevated in your attention, you assign undue importance to them. That’s why I try to take an approach that’s focused as narrowly as possible.

But now that we’ve focused on something that I don’t think you shouldn’t focus on, what are those things that you should to make yourself more formidable?

I first look for signs that she’s receptive to an approach. I’m a big believer in proper target selection, so, aside from her actually being a girl I desire, that’s what I pay attention to first. I never had the inclination to mass approach, though in some ways that style is better suited to the “channeled attention” system, as Cialdini might call it, because approaching any girl gives you one thing less to think about. Nevertheless, those indicators of receptivity are generally reliable, and my mass approacher friends have as many blow offs as hooks, so I focus on receptivity first.

Once you’ve established that you want her and you think she’s receptive, you must stop everything you’re doing and move toward her immediately. If you pay attention to anything else, you’re likely to lose the approach.

Something odd developed after my initial phase in the game where I was ecstatic at overcoming my approach anxiety. My approach rate slowed. It’s not necessarily that there was less girls I was interested in, it’s just that I wasn’t following through as often, for reasons that were often more indifference than fear. Why?

As it turns out, after that initial period of excitement created by doing something I never thought I could do before, I began to realize that I actually got more work done outside than inside. It was an environment that allowed me to focus more. So I started going outside to read good books and get more writing projects done. Day game wasn’t my sole focus anymore. Lo and behold, my attention was thus divided. With two things competing for it, I would more often take the path of least resistance. When I understood this, I began to put a higher priority on approaching girls I was genuinely attracted to. When I saw a girl I liked, I would put my stuff down and focus only on her, what I liked about her, and putting one foot in front of the other. This ordering or sorting of my attention solved for this.

Understand that people can only focus on one thing at a time. Multitasking doesn’t exist. To maximize your productivity, you have to make sure to sort and narrow the tasks before you. When it comes to approaching, your focus should be channeled as much as possible on your girl and nothing else.

Stop everything else you’re doing or even thinking except conjuring your opener and putting one foot in front of the other. The only exception to this is if for some reason you can’t approach at that moment.

There are many more applications to this Pre-Suasion channeled attention approach to your game that I intended on going into (particularly its applicability in opening, conversation, and texting), but I’m butted up against my limits. Look for more to come.

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Glad you are pointing out the directness of just practicing game over trying holistic self improvement. Getting money and then getting girls is the old bill of goods sold to fools while ladies are enjoying their lives with guys getting raw dogged after a five minute conversation. Bring your 3 piece suit and 6 figure salary all you want but it takes time to earn that. Time lost while her number count on getting raw dogged goes up.

I had exactly that experience of going on a double date with a corporate lawyer who was probably pullingnim around 400 an hour and matched me pretty well in looks. Both the girls wanted me by the end of the date and he was trying to buy them by going to the nicest club and buying expensive drinks etc. A fucking drink has no personality and wont keep a girl thinking about a guy all night. A guy who makes her feel things shes never felt before will.

The 1 to 10 scale is absolutely still as relevant as it always was.
The problem is that is was almost always applied incorrectly.
Many males think it applies to percentages, such as a “9” being in the top 10%.
I never saw it that way.
I looked at the scale more like a Richter scale, with each level increasing, or in the case of attractiveness, decreasing, in a logarithmic progression. Which is why there are so few 8s, 9s and 10s.
Going by percentages, 90% of females, especially Americans, are throwaways. Even more so when age is considered. A 10 in her 20s, not matter how well she tries to preserve herself, will be no more than a 7 in her mid 30s, and will dip under 5 into her 40s.

My main point of contention is that you shouldn’t be paying attention to it at all, but rather those things you can actually control. You even imply that it’s a thing you see in your own way versus what other people see in their own ways (i.e.: commanding attentional resources).

Although, if 90% of the women in your locale aren’t interesting, do you think you should move?

Man I think we should simplify it to the 2 main instincts we men all feel:

Would you bang her?
Would you want people to know?

If she falls into the first category, let’s just bang her and don’t tell anyone. Were men for fucks sake.

If she falls into the second category, then maybe take her on a few dates and see what happens (after banging.)

My life’s been super simple since following that measurement. Most of the girls pretty enough ( or socially bareable enough) to fit the second category will fucking flake anyway. (At least the young ones.). And I highly advise focusing on younger girls! Even if she’s not cute, it’s still a huge confidence boost to bang someone more than a decade younger.

Women eventually fall for what demands their attention. It could be the loud guy in the bar, their boss, coworker, entertainer, etc.

My biggest breakthrough right now is bragging. Open and brag. Watch her dumb face respond to stories that make you seem rich and popular lol.

After that, I’d say scarcity is a big help too. Great for closing. ” I’m super busy with work and travel this week, but I’ll have some time Thursday night. Let’s exchange info and I’ll touch base with you Thursday afternoon.”

Just kidding about the dick pics. But honestly the age range of girls I go after requires some intense attention grabbing cell phone bullshit.

Their attention span is so short. I make sure to add them on all social media platforms. That way they see how awesome my life is and how many others follow me. It’s lame but “social” credibility makes a difference here in SoCal. Plus now I can message them in multiple ways.

The phenomenon of people thinking what they are currently focused on must be important–the media uses this with great effect. Hence we live in a country plummeting in global influence, with sky rocketing debt, a currency on the brink of collapse, and a populace on the brink of civil war, and what are people talking about–what bathroom a guy in a dress should use.

The MSM steals your focus by a technique called ‘spotlighting’. Every night the news announces “tonight’s SPOTLIGHT is on this little birdie that fell out of it’s nest”. The MSM doesn’t mention that meanwhile the legislature drafted a bunch more draconian shit. But the spotlight is on the birdie for the masses.

The MSM spotlight is like if you were in a group of hikers in the woods at night. It’s pitch black and the only person with a flashlight is the guy at front, the guide who focuses his beam only on what he wants you to see. So he shines the light on a spider web and begins lecturing on the spider or “Araneus Cavaticus”. The guide neglects to shine his light though on the giant Grizzly Bear or “Ursus Arctos Omnivorous” that is standing right behind the group.

The MSM is in the same position as a jungle trail guide with a flashlight. It engages in deception by filtering certain information and hyping other select information. The MSM is in a powerful position to steer culture and audiences with controlled information.

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I always say dont convict a man for crimes he hasnt committed. There have been plenty of jews who have done good for the world..even sacrificing their lives. I think if you look at the real top of the pyramid they are psychopaths..jew or not and if they follow a religion its more satanistic than anything. And they dont mind if you hate the jews because they’ve sacrificed jews to get what they want. Just take a look at Israel..they have a private central bank and a population that is divided by status and religion…they suffer just as we do. Name the criminals and go after them dont go after the local deli owner.

I’m not dissing Cialdini – he is a writer with good insight. His other book “the psychology persuasion of influence” was also recommended as secondary reading in the later 1990’s aside from the standard pua tactics of the time.

I still contend though that having something tangible that a female wants (drugs, money, status, free shit, etc) is the truly most defining factor in persuading her.

Status = the one above all else for females.
If the gang-banger or the dope dealer = Status, she will go with him. If the Billionaire = status (See Amber Heard + Elon Musk), she will go with him. Females have no soul. They are ancillary beings.

“If the gang-banger or the dope dealer = Status, she will go with him.” Was just reading about the Baltimore Jail corruption scandal which happened in 2015. This gang leader knocked up four female jail guards. One he actually knocked up twice. Two of these ghetto trash had Mr. gang leader’s name tattooed on them. Mind boggling.

People of all genders and really all mammals will orbit around anyone with recourses. It has to do with the primary objective of survival, Especially young fertile women would be rightly concerned with status, as they will be dependant because of childbirth for a long period of time, the child and mother will gravitate toward status and recourses. I bet your mother is attached to someone that you feel is harmful and it makes you feel better to belittle all women, but just accept that you are angry with your mother and then forgive her. She is doing the best she can, if her situation is truly terrible don’t blame her, support her in getting away from an abusive provider.

What a load of horse shit. Women go for broke losers and abusers left right and center. They don’t give a god damn about their own children. When they aren’t murdering them in the womb with a coat hanger they are bringing them into horrific home situations, without a care in the world. It’s all a big joke, a game to see how much you can get away with. You can give any woman a choice of good father material, or an “exciting” bad-boy (i.e. a broke loser), and I don’t even have to tell you which one she will pick every time.

hahahahahah, you are talking about life givers! Literally Goddesses who walk the earth, capable of creating life, and men cannot? All they can do is provide resources, while the wombman literally makes a whole human being, pushes out that complete and perfect human and then feeds it from her body creating magical liquid that has all the antibodies and nutrition to develop a healthy human. But you feel superior? Ahhahahahahahah!! OMG comedian here, you are a joke! I guess you didn’t have a mother, some guy just squated over the toilet and there you were.

Women arent lifegivers, all animals reproduce, only a retard thinks women are special for doing something animals have been doing for centuries

Most modern women are useless at giving birth & raising children, which is why they require technology created by men just to give birth, & shit loads of welfare & child support just to raise a child on their own

Women are little more then worthless inferior parasites, without a man to keep her uselessness in check.

And without feminism, women would realize the truth that ALL men are superior to them, even the beta males. Because the beta males can design, build, and maintain civilizations, and conquer new worlds. She can only do what simple biology affords her, at the mercy of the men in her midst.

Sex is instinctual, I was letting you in on mammalian instinctual behavior. Women don’t “choose” abusers, abusers force themselves on women. The act of abuse is compelling, you are correct about that, because PTSD makes thinking rationally impossible, also head injuries make it even less possible. Thats why police don’;t need the woman’s word to make an arrest, she is not in her right mind. The abuser is 100% responsible for the victims behavior. MRI machines are helping humanity to move past some of these old fashioned mythologies of victim blaming. If a bad boy is attractive in the short term that is because the female is probably in a state of PTSD from a past entanglement with an abusive male. All fetuses come into this world female, thats why you have nipples, for the first 2 months of your existence you were a girl, so don’t be so down on your feminine side.

So you are admitting that abusive assholes can have any woman they want – and often these women will remain in love with him long after he’s left for another. So what’s the incentive to be a decent man and treat women with any form of respect, when that only marks you as weak in her eyes?

Any mammal male or female will bond through the process of frantic attachment to their abuser. It is how we are wired, it has nothing to do with your negative view of women, stemming I am guessing from your mother? It has to do with the way the survival instinct is wired. PTSD will make a person “stay” but love?? no way

I pray YOU don’t have a son!
by the way, your mom seems to have left you in the dark on some important stuff: sex makes babies!! You are welcome, you were bound to find out eventually. Poor kid, thank the Goddess I was here!

Ya a lot guys don’t get it. They think women just want money. It’s not true at all, especially in the context of game. You’re approaching random strangers that don’t know anything about you and money is not on their criteria list for fucking you.

It’s entirely about whether or not she finds you attractive and gets aroused by you, both of which are influenced by your look and your game.

The women that want you for something external like money are not the ones you want to be with. They’re using you and won’t want to fuck you.

You need to look at it as any other problem. A good carpenter doesnt say…i dont have a craftsman 9000 cutting saw I cant do it. He looks good and hard at what he has and he finds the way to do it. You seem to look for an excuse to not try. Try a Cialdini..take out an ad in craigslist and pay a hot chick to go out to the clubs with you…watch and be amazed at how much more attention you get. Put 5 influence ideas together and you can knock one out of the park.

And money does not make ginas tingle. When a woman makes a decision to use a man she is looking down at him. Now if he uses that money to have an exciting life that can be attractive. Ive known millionaires who had trouble getting a date.

That’s because those particular millionaires are absolutely socially inept. That said, in other cases for example, girl from a rich family certainly will have no use for a guy with money, so she’ll fuck the drug dealer for free stash. The fact is enticing a female by having an “exciting life” or whatever fantasy the simps want to believe in is still bullshit. A guy has to have something tangible that she wants i.e. money / drugs / status – that is to say she’ll never actually care for a man as a human being, ever.

Very good article. The topic itself is a well worn one for the regulars here. But the concept of framing was very well explained.
Reminded me of my younger years after leaving school , pavement pounding for sales prospects. Model that can be applied to approaching and initiating with women.

I never experience anxiety because a girl is a 9. I experience anxiety because she’s hot. However you rate a girl, this will not change. I don’t think whether a girl looks receptive matters. I have girls who seemed receptive reject me and ones that didn’t date me. You can’t always judge by appearances.

In order to understand persuasion & charisma, you need a firm foundation in neural networks & 2nd generation cybernetics, also a basic understanding of quantum mechanics is also handy.

As quantum mechanics is based on autopoeisis, & emergent 2nd gen cybernetics

Bandlers Neurolinguistic Programming is an amalgation of pre-neural net work research & early quantum mechanics

Most of todays psychology & hypnosis are all based on early quantum mechanics, which is why I recommend for anyone serious about persuasion & sales, to have a firm understanding of neural networks & early quantum mechanics.

Excellent article. Back in the day I used to go to work for cold-call telemarketing companies periodically, just to keep my sales skills sharp. When somebody answered the phone, I started with “Steve?” – or whatever the person’s first name was. I modulated the tone of my voice to make it sound low-key, friendly, confident, and familiar (as if I already knew the person). The guy would usually say, “Yeah” in a familiar tone, after I said, “Steve?”. And then I had a script I wrote that used techniques like those outlined in this article. I’d ask questions for which there could only be one answer – “Yes.” I used this method to get virtually every single shred of information from a home owner, about their mortgage, and their debts.

After I softened them up and had all their financial info, my close was, “Well, I’m going to pass your information on to one of our experts here at Joe Blow Mortgage, Steve, and if we think we can put you in a better position, we’ll be calling you back. From the looks of it, I think we can help.” And then they would thank me. And they would anticipate the call from an expert with Joe Blow Mortgage.

The same thing will work on women. It’s all about the questions you ask, and your approach. Always ask them something they have to answer with “Yes”. Lead them down the trail of bread crumbs, each bread crumb (question) eliciting a “Yes” from them. Eventually, it’s “Can I flip you over and hump you like a mad dog?”…”Yes.”

One funny thing about women..they like when something is unsure..like if you insult her but have a smile on your face(does he mean it?) Irony or sexual innuendo…even approaching I find it best to have plausible deniability(have you seen my dog?). And just making a woman wait for a present seems to be a more important factor than the present(seriously try it).

The two things that gave me killer game was learning to be a funny asshole and ingraining zero fucks given. Once you realize that any girl you are approaching exists merely for your own amusement and you are a funny jerk to her (making fun of the fat friend always helps) then you really don’t care about the rest.

Yeah I hear you on that one too. For me the other two methods work pretty well. Although on the primal side I also just “assume the sale” every time I approach a woman. That means on the spot kino, etc. I generally find the more aggressive you are (not in like a rape-y way) the more responsive a woman who has interest will become. If she is not responsive then she has no interest and you are better just jumping ship sooner rather then later.

My friend and I would rate girls like draft picks (First overall pick -> undrafted). It offered a little more flexibility than the 1-10 scale (she’d be a reach in the middle of the first round, but early in the second she’s a steal), and it did combine two of men’s favorite topics – women and sports.

When I think to myself about a girl I see I simply describe her as a “yes” or a “no.” Actually, if she isn’t a “yes” I immediately ignore her and let my eyes bounce to the next one, she becomes invisible.

Once you get to approach her, you’re opening line needs to include ”you’ and ‘because’. Weapons grade approach is ‘Love to have a cheesy opening line, but I don’t. You should tell me your name, because then I could address you by name.” When she gives you her name, use it immediately. In that approach are scientifically proven triggers that take you from 10% odds to well over 50% odds.

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