Bobbi Blogs: The platypus that is AEE

Darin Watanabe of Flagstaff, Arizona poses for a photo with a dancer from Sapphires Gentelmen’s Club of Las Vegas at the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo at the Sands Convention Center in Las Vegas Friday, January 7, 2011.

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The AVN Adult Entertainment Expo is a strange beast. While it's officially touted as a trade show, with all the trappings of such like keynote speakers, badges with matching lanyards and sponsored nightclub parties, it's just as much a show for the fans.

It's a strange pairing, when you think about it. Undertakers' convention don't open their doors to tombstone and coffin enthusiasts and/or goths, after all. (I could have used a CES analogy here, but it's too obvious don't you think?)

The companies start taking on a schizophrenic nature to appeal to both the store and distributor buyers, and the throbbing masses (no double entendre here) of fans that gather at their booths. I've seen the salespeople try to go over the show specials with prospective customers while contract girls and booth babes are on the booths, T-shirts in hand, egging the crowd on for a silkscreened piece of cotton from a third world country. If anything, there's a research paper that could be had on the power of free apparel or swag and Marxist economic theory.

Today is the first day that fans can come into the show. Yesterday, as I covered in the last post, was a trade/media day, but today the AEE is to the fans what a gun show featuring Sarah Plain is to conspiracy nuts and birthers.

There's a few scant hours that are strictly trade today, but the line for the fans forms early, like a line for the Verizon iPhone. (Seriously, can you believe that shit is finally going to happen?) They'll call out to the girls they know, hoping to get their attention and maybe an autograph. I like talking to my fans and if I'm not in a hurry, I'll talk with them. Some of the most interesting people I've met are my fans — and when I say that, there's no sarcasm or air quotes around interesting. But some girls give them the big brush-off, which I never understand. To borrow liberally from a song by Cake, they are why I can afford my porn-star lifestyle.

Most of the fans are great guys — or at least, most of my fans are great guys. They're polite, respectful and the sort of gents you'd take home to mom, that is if your mom is ok with the fact that he's masturbated to your movies in the past. You develop a genuine rapport with them when they respond to your Tweets, or when you converse on the AdultDVDTalk.com message boards or when they leave comments on my blog posts on PopPorn.com or MetalSucks.com.

A few of those fans, though, ruin the show for everyone. I've said this before and I'll say it again: These shows are not petting zoos. Yes, we dress sexy and yes, we're all here to have a good time. But a good time does not include trying to work your tongue marinated with Coors Light into my mouth or your sweaty hands on my posterior.

It also surprises me how many men think they can persuade me to sleep with them through dirty talk and an obscene gesture. It's as if I'm a stormtrooper and they're Obi-Wan Kenobi and when they say, "This is the cock you're looking for," and proceed to stick their tongue between their index and pointer finger, I'm going to follow them to their room.

The other thing I hate: guys who bring stacks of things for me to sign. Despite what you think, I do have access to the Internet. I even know about troubleshooting my home network and port forwarding. But what really gives it away is when you say your name is eBay.

For you guys who are new to all this: Ask to take a photo. I know cameras are on everything nowadays, from cell phones to commemorative miniatures of the Statue of Liberty (I'm sure someone's shilling that at CES), but it's not cool to try to sneak a crotch photo. I know I have a great ass, and I'm more than willing to pose for your posterity but just let me know. Hell, I'll even take a photo with you to put on your Facebook page if you just say please.

If you want to see porn stars in their natural habitat, try the Circle Bar at the Venetian. It's not unlike those National Geographic or Discovery Channel specials about watering holes in the African savannah, though in this case the watering hole is full of Grey Goose and cranberry juice. While there will be girls and guys who have yet to learn that moderation is a virtue when it comes to alcoholic beverages, most of the industry folk you'll see will be there to blow off steam. Just the other night, I saw primo parody director Lee Roy Myers, Joanna Angel, James Deen, Lexi Belle, Kristina Rose, blogger Gram Ponante and photographer Jeff Koga before the facial recognition part of my brain shut down.

So, dear fans, when you are ready to make the trek to Vegas for the chimera/chupacabra/platypus that is the sometime-trade show and sometimes-fan show that is the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo, just remember the pointers in this post. I — and any other porn star you see — will be glad you did.