Yesterday I woke up with some energy, went for my walk, came home, and then got dead tired really fast. Last week was really hard. I messed up my scheduling by agreeing to see too many people, John was gone, and then there’s the “breast watch” situation. Things are definitely looking better but I still don’t have a surgery scheduled. I am also concerned that given that I had blood flow problems in my tissue after the last two breast surgeries that it will happen again for the next surgery, which is a major surgery and involves tissue transplantation. Although complications from the TRAM surgery are rare, one possible complication is that the transplanted tissue dies. In that case, it’s all over for that tissue as well as for any subsequent TRAM surgeries. You can only have one TRAM surgery in your life. If that happens, I could still have an implant but it would mean healing, getting another expander surgery, getting the expander gradually filled for a few months, and then having an implant put in. It may also mean having to get fat injections, etc to fill in parts that an implant can’t address. In other words, the tissue that was removed during the mastectomy was not in the shape of an implant. What was removed covers a much larger area than you might imagine. Plus, there’s a chance of complications from implant surgery and they have to be replaced every 10 years or so. Honestly, if I had a failed TRAM surgery, I would probably just call it a day and wear a prosthetic.

With my cancer surgeries, even though I had more than anyone wanted me to have to have, at least I felt more solidly like I was making progress. With each surgery, more cancer was removed. So I ended up being healthier after each one than I was before surgery. With the reconstructive surgeries, the goal is to gain rather than lose parts so the fact that I had this complication with the most minor of any of my previous surgeries and have the biggest surgery I will ever have coming up, gives me pause.

All I can do is ask questions, do research, and make the best decisions I can based on the information I have at the time. Although having total control of the universe is not in my reach, I do have a lot of resources and know that I will continue to do what is best for me at each step of the way. And right now the best decision I can make is to rest and take advantage of the fact that I am at the start of what’s likely to be a much easier week.

Related

As I read your blog, I am thinking..gosh my mom had a TRAM surgery and I never knew all she went through in order for it to take place! I so appreciate the communication we have now! Thank you for informing me of all that goes into preparing for this huge surgery and all the stresses that go with it. I am in awe of you and if I could go back in time…I would tell my mom so as well!

George Lakoff has retired as Distinguished Professor of Cognitive Science and Linguistics at the University of California at Berkeley. He is now Director of the Center for the Neural Mind & Society (cnms.berkeley.edu).