Kemps Champions

Congratulations to the All-Camp Kemps Champions of 2012 – Alex Hurst and Kate Weaver! Alex and Kate rolled through the double-elimination tournament with ease. “I knew that we would win,” said Hurst after hoisting the Kemps trophy sponsored by Goombay Punch. “We’ve been working hard all week on our signs, so our non-verbals are pretty solid.”

Weaver, the more competitive of the two, said the elation from beating the competition is profound. “I thrive on publicly humiliating my peers in Kemps. It’s what I live for.” Other notable competitors were Maci Hurst and Eric Lewis, who tried to use fashion comments as their sign, which resulted in their quick two-loss exit after two rounds. “I really thought it was a sound strategy,” said Lewis, “because Maci tends to talk about fashion all the time, so I didn’t think anyone would notice. I guess we should have went with the ‘Songs from the 90’s’ angle.” Maci added, “Yeah, it was weird to hear Mr. Lewis talk about clothing so much… I had no idea what he was talking about.”

Brandon Groff and Matt Kachel were the surprise team of the night, angrily and spitefully advancing to the consolation finals. “We didn’t want to be here,” said Kachel. “I hate this game, too, ” said Groff. They seemed to be united in the fact that it made people more angry that they kept winning.

The stakes are high in paradise. Eric

Editor’s Note: the author may have taken some liberties in the writing of this article. It’s late.