Educaring Vol I No 2 Spring 1980As an infant advocate over several decades, I have witnessed many changes in attitudes towards infant care in general, and towards group care in particular.Until recently, the care of infants in this country has largely been the concern of the family and the family physician. Only in the last decade or two has the need for providing alternative care become increasingly apparent. In the fifties, group care of infants was non-existent and looked upon as potentially harmful. In the sixties, the pros and cons of group care were debated in an emotionally loaded atmosphere. In the seventies, an increasing number of infants spent six, eight, or more hours each weekday in group care. State and federal regulations, even when met, do not insure that the infants' needs are met, too.

In my work of consulting with a great variety of centers, I have found that while the people in charge of infant centers usually are well-meaning, child-loving people who want to do a decent job, this rarely is possible because of the low pay and status of the infant care-giver, poor, if any, pre and in-service training, very few model centers, inadequate facilities, constant change in personnel, and so forth.

Can any center meet the needs of infants under such difficult conditions? What are the infants' needs, beyond those for food, rest, warmth and hygiene? Most people would respond with the following: love, as demonstrated by rocking, fondling and body contact; and cognitive stimulation as demonstrated by an abundance of objects, teaching materials and lesson plans. These needs have become largely accepted and most centers try to meet them in different ways.

We who follow the R.I.E. philosophy have our own ways of meeting infants' needs. R.I.E. seeks to attain a balance between adult stimulation and independent exploration by the infant. We focus on two areas of the infant's life: the time spent with the adult who cares for the infant and the time the infant spends alone freely exploring his environment. Only a child who receives undivided attention from his educarer during all routine care-giving activities will be free and interested to explore his environment without needing too much intervention on the part of the educarer. If the educarer understands that the infant needs both concentrated attention while being cared for and time to explore alone, she (he) also gains time for herself (himself).

In order to highlight the differences between the attitudes of a good/average care-giver and a trained educarer I will compare and contrast the two:

• Whereas a care-giver may rush through routine caring activities in order to get ready for the more valued time of following a curriculum, lesson plan, or providing some structured stimulation, the educarer uses the time that must be spent with the child anyway as a potential source of valued learning experience;

• Whereas many care-givers rely on infant curricula, books and packaged programs as prescriptions to teach, drill, and speed up new skills in the areas of gross motor, fine motor, social/emotional or language development, the educarer trusts the infants' abilities to initiate their own activities, choose from available objects, and work on their own projects without interruption;

• Whereas the care-giver teaches and encourages postures and means of locomotion which the infants are not yet able to do on their own, thus hampering free movement and exploration and sometimes even creating bodily discomfort, the educarer provides appropriate space for the infant to freely initiate his own movements without interference, thus helping the infant feel comfortable, competent and self-reliant;

• Whereas the care-giver's attention is focused on the elicited response to her stimulation, the educarer focuses upon observing the whole child, his reaction to the care-giving person, to the environment, and to his peers, thus learning about the child's personality and needs;

• Whereas the care-giver selects and puts objects/toys in the infants' hands, the educarer places the objects/toys so the infant must make an effort to reach and grasp. The child works towards what he wants;

• Whereas the care-giver encourages dependency by assuming an active role, such as rescuing a child in distress or helping him to solve his problems, the educarer waits to see if the child is capable of consoling himself and solving his own problems, thus encouraging autonomy;

• Whereas the care-giver may often use bottles and/or pacifiers to soothe a crying child, creating a false oral need for food and sucking, the educarer accepts the child's right to show both positive and negative feelings. The educarer does not want to stop the crying, but rather he/she tries to understand and attend to the child's real needs such as sleeplessness, hunger or cold. If the infant soothes himself by sucking his thumb, the educarer accepts this as a positive self-comforting activity;

• Whereas the care-giver often restricts infant-infant interaction, such as infants touching each other, for fear of them hurting each other, the educarer facilitates interactions by closely observing in order to know when to intervene and when not to;

• Whereas, in a situation of conflict between infants, the care-giver resolves the problem by separating, distracting, or deciding who should have the toy or object in question, the educarer would comment "Both you, John, and you, Anne, want that toy." Often, after such impartial comments, minor conflicts resolve themselves;

• Whereas the care-giver may rush to pick up, to rescue and to console the "victim" of the"aggressor", the educarer squats down, touches and strokes the "victim," saying "Gently now, nice." By concurrently stroking and talking to both the "victim" and the "aggressor," the educarer is modeling and consoling both children without reinforcing a pattern of becoming a "victim";

• Whereas the care-giver likes to have more people or helpers in the room, the educarer wants to become the steady person to her own small group of about four infants;

• Whereas the care-giver gets exhausted from picking up one crying child and putting down another, as if extinguishing one fire after another, the educarer calmly observes and can often prevent the "fire";

• Whereas the care-giver may scoop up an infant unexpectedly from behind, thereby startling, interrupting and creating resistance in the infant, the educarer always tells the infant before she does anything with him or her and thus gains cooperation.All of these examples try to illustrate that while both the care-giver and the educarer love the infant, the educarer demonstrates love by showing and teaching respect. Magda Gerber

It is becoming more and more difficult to put Alison, my seven-month-old, to sleep. I have always nursed her to sleep, but now she wakes up crying as soon as I put her down, or shortly thereafter. I have tried putting her down later and later in the evening, thinking she was not sleepy, but this did not help. Now, neither Alison nor I get enough sleep. Help! Tired Parent

Dear Parent,

I'll try. But do not expect a magic formula; sometimes we cannot isolate any one problem area from the rest of the everyday life of your baby.

I know that the easiest way to put your baby to sleep is to nurse her into sleep. I have observed, however, that as an infant becomes more aware of herself and of her environment, it is better to put her down while she is still somewhat awake. It is possible that waking up in a crib with no memory of having been put there can be disorienting and scary. Babies younger than Alison may wake up confused because of the sudden change in their sensitive vestibular organization, (i.e. going from a more upright position to lying flat in the crib).

Rather than putting Alison down later and later, I suggest that you sensitively observe the very first signs of tiredness. That is the time a child is ready for sleep. As time goes by, increased tiredness builds resistance — and once the second wind hits, going to sleep becomes an ordeal for both your baby and you. An overtired child sleeps restlessly, wakes up more often during the night and gets up grouchy, way too early in the morning. Stress and overstimulation can also cause exhaustion, irritability and resistance to sleep.

Many parents I have advised have learned with surprise and delight that contrary to their fears, putting babies to bed very early in the evening did not make them wake up earlier in the morning. Indeed, their babies often woke up much later in the morning, adding hours of sleep.

Your goal is to develop good sleeping habits. The easiest way to develop good habits in general is to have a predictable daily life. Young babies thrive on routine. Ideally, daily events of eating, sleeping, bathing, outdoor play, etc., happen around the same time and in the same sequence each day. As the baby is learning to anticipate the next event, many conflicts are eliminated. A mutual adaptation of the biological rhythm of your baby and your family schedule develops. It also enables you, the parent, to plan ahead for those blocks of rime when your baby is usually napping or playing peacefully.

But be prepared that there will be times when a child becomes reluctant to fall asleep, e.g. when she comes down with a sickness, shortly before a spurt of new developmental milestones, or during certain vulnerable times of emotional growth, such as separation anxiety. Your 7-month-old Alison is at a sensitive period for separation anxiety.

Both the amount and the pattern of sleep change from child to child and of course change as a baby grows. Newborn and very young babies alternate periods of sleep with periods of wakefulness six to ten times within 24 hours, with an average of 18 to 21 hours of sleep; two to three-year-olds average 12-14 hours of sleep.

Everything that happens to your baby during the day can influence her sleep pattern. Does she spend plenty of time playing outdoors? Building a room-size outdoor playpen is an excellent investment Napping outdoors is a good habit.

I want to talk a little about how to put a baby to bed. As bedtime approaches, create an atmosphere that be comes progressively slower paced and more quiet Do you happen to know the lovely book by Margaret Wise Brown, Good Night Moon, in which page by page the room darkens, gradually evoking a sleepy mood? This is the feeling I suggest you work toward.

Repeating a simple pre-bedtime ritual helps your baby to get ready gradually. For example, making a habit of commenting while putting away toys can be helpful: "The ball goes into this basket here in the comer; dolly sits on the top shelf; the toys will stay here until morning when you can play with them again." Such comments build a bridge between 'tonight' and 'tomorrow,' and provide a sense of continuity and security. Then you may continue, "I am going to pull the curtains now, then I will turn off the big light and put on the night light then I will go into the other room." As Alison grows older, she may take over your role and have such monologues herself.

Some infants have a special bed companion, a 'lovey' such as a Teddy bear or blanket also referred to as a transitional object. Putting Alison and her lovey to bed, you may talk to the bear, "Have a peaceful rest I will cover both Alison and you so that the two of you will feel comfortable and cozy. Are you ready for your lullaby?" (You may want to sing or wind up a music box — music is a soothing way to end a day.)

Finally, caress your baby gently and say, "Good night I'll see you in the morning."

As you can see, I am giving you ideas of how you can create an atmosphere conducive to rest. But remember nobody can make another person fall asleep, (short of giving sleeping pills). How to relax and let sleep come is a skill Alison, like everybody else, must learn all by herself. Children also wake up several times during the night and learn how to ease themselves back into sleep, (unless they have a need, or get scared).

Your overall attitude can make a difference. Do not feel sorry for "poor baby" who must go to bed — rather remember how good it feels to rest when you are tired, and how nice it feels to wake up refreshed.

Wishing you peaceful nights and joyful days in 1984.

Magda

Ed note: We have followed these guidelines with Nathan from his earliest days, and he now knows when he needs sleep, and that it feels good to sleep when he is tired. The other day, he came into the kitchen after his rest, hugged me and said, "Mommy, I had a wonderful nap."

(Originally published in Educaring Vol V No 1 Winter 1984)

Given that sleep is a learned skill, and "you can lead a baby to bed, but you can't make him sleep" (Lisa Sunbury), what can a parent do to support a child to develop good sleep habits? Magda wrote this letter in response to a parent in 1984. We are republishing it today in response to a recent postvalidating the importance of helping infants and young children to get the sleep they need, and a subsequent reader comment/question asking for suggestions for how to help babies develop good sleep habits in a respectful way that includes them in the process.