Dyspareunia is an umbrella term for pain with intercourse. Although, statistics are difficult to gather about this syndrome (or series of syndromes, including vaginismus,vestibulitis, and atrophy), by some estimates, it affects at least 60 percent of women!

Painful intercourse may manifest in the following ways, according to the Mayo Clinic.

Pain only at sexual penetration (entry)

Pain with every penetration, even while putting in a tampon

New pain after previously pain-free intercourse

Deep pain during thrusting

Burning pain or aching pain

Throbbing pain, lasting hours after intercourse

If you experience any of these, it’s important to talk to your doctor.

In some cases, however, doctors—even gynecologists!—can be nervous talking about sex with you. And, of course, you might be even more nervous. Here are three things you can do in this situation:

Take a deep breath and say what is going on.

Demand an investigation and diagnosis.

Ask for referrals that might be helpful. Some pelvic pain can be treated with physical therapy, for instance. There are also gynecologists who specialize in pelvic pain.

I believe we need to start talking about our discomfort. Only then, can be fully claim pleasure as our right.

Chapter Three: Get a Diagnosis!

As soon as we got back from Europe, I combed the Internet looking up bedroom issues. That’s how I bumped into vaginismus, a spasm of the pelvic floor that causes excessive tightness and pain.

I couldn’t believe others had this too, that it was a thing.

Out to dinner with friends one night, I asked if any of them had heard of this dysfunction (once I knew what it was, I realized I’d had this since I was 12). None had. In fact, my yoga mate Stacey, half-hearing me, said: “Vagina Christmas?” I assured her whatever a Vagina Christmas was—and it did sound festive, even for a curly-haired, Jewish girl like me—this was its evil opposite.

My friends insisted I tell Kurt everything, which meant admitting I’d been lying to him for years. After procrastinating as long as I could, I confessed. My husband was understanding, but insistent on my seeing a doctor.

About this Blog

This is a blog about healing from sexual violation, as well as from any other issue that can keep us from enjoying the full experience and expression of our sexuality. It’s inspired by my journey seeing 15 practitioners and trying 30 different modalities so I could rid myself of the last vestiges of my childhood sexual abuse. Along the way, I learned the cutting edge of trauma recovery, female pleasure, overcoming bedroom dysfunction, and having awesome relationships. The pink couch is where I share where I learned, and where I hear from you too. So pull up a chair…

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