Saturday, November 21, 2009

Every once in a while you need a movie – a good movie, that’s like a warm bowl of soup to soul – that has slices of baked veggies, meat to chew and rich broth to fill your heart in the right places.It stimulates, embraces and brings back to life the cells inside us that we often forget the existence of. And then it reminds us of those small moments that slowly become worthy enough to be called ‘Life’. There, if you come to realise, lie silently inside, so many little such cells that we leave behind with every birthday. And in this big, big world, sadly, I have no many reasons to believe such movies come by that often.

What’s new? Umm, nothing. Two people no different from you and I, yet beautifully different from each other. So? Umm, nothing again except that I can vouch for my belief here that, everyone, anyone can see a bit of him/herself in one of the protagonists of the movie. A phase in life that unwittingly transitions life from a frivolous and a safe place which had friends and fun and truck loads of ease over to a more thorny, duller looking world surrounded by people who you sometimes can’t believe are part of your daily life. Can we please agree on that? If you haven’t yet, please grab a DVD (if newer movies took over in theatres), or – hate me for suggesting this - sneak into a pirated weblink ‘coz for heavens sakes, we need such movies.

In other news – my ipod is obliged to be nicer to me for getting featured in 3 consecutive posts for I got it richer by a song – ‘iktara’ from this movie. Some songs strike gold in your ears and dangle like ear-rings wherever you go . Beautiful one !

Thursday, November 19, 2009

I am wandering around my tiny living room at 3:56 AM. Have been up since 2, I guess.

Pigged out on a bowl of left-over grapes, read for an hour, reloaded my ipod and arrived at being clueless to what else I could do, trying to keep at the nightly hush, so I don’t disturb my peacefully sleeping husband. I admit, sometimes I doubt my own levels of cerebral stability. I just like to call it, umm, let’s just say - hyper.

There are times you completely want to immerse in yourself – trying to redo the basic stuff that you thought you were made of and man, there has been a handful of moments when I have felt the desperate need from the roots of my heart to rebuild my entire self, all over again. This is one such phase, I just know it. What has changed is my ability to respond to such moments. That I no longer linger around my bed fighting sleep or being a mute spectator to meticulously detailed free shows my mind offers, about my life or just numbly laying there, terrified to move, glaring into darkness for, god, a bad long time, is a change that has merrily swung by. I am surprised I could ramble into the kitchen, hunting for a midnight snack, or open my laptop and write away the thrill of living thru’ such hours or simply settle to a couch with a book that makes me want to smile between lines.

What’s intriguing is that even at his hour, I am not in constant hunger to go back and have what I never did, in the first place. That’s untypical of me. How many people can say that? :)

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

My ipod is in failing health – or it just resorted to pretend that way until I show mercy to reload it with a breather of changed tunes.I had come to this full-blown understanding after I unearthed it beneath the fairly thickly coated carpet underneath the mattress underneath the blanket underneath the comforter. There’s no way I could have dumped it this deep even during my plainly semi-conscious, nocturnal moments where music is the only thing that shares my bed. Sometimes I get this feeling that this cute little, two-year old red fixation has gotta be the bravest companion I can count on through days I just want to pull my hair out, for it has survived the most malicious attacks from the hottest barbeque sauce to being run over to soap-soaked bath tub to obsessive playing to reeking laundry bags. Actually, it has gone thru’ much more.

There are things that become part of your body – count the cell phone out but my ipod has become something I can’t be without, even if I’m not plugged to it – I just need to know that it’s quietly lying in there, in my bag. It’s like having in your pantry, the oldest wine in town – humble smugness!Now that I do comprehend its feelings, I have to respect what it needs the most – some redoing of its musical matter!

Leave the hitches of technological advancements to people that suck at being able to have the sheer fun of it - Man, you have to have an ipod.

Friday, November 13, 2009

alright, in a round hole – Me in every clearly describable sense of it!

It’s petrifying to see how people bend themselves to round-er pegs to fit in more easily, some even go out of shape. I should just quit giving away pieces of time and much larger peaces of mind to extended families who think the nicest thing to say to me is how a respectable woman my age should already be a mother or at least pregnant and how they think your avant-gardism is clearly heretical and a path to failure.

Honestly, I am quite with them on the being-confused part. But, really, who isn’t? Living in an already explosively-populous world where you get to hear at least a couple of breaking news every month, of some one your mom knows, getting pregnant and trying to reassure your mind of simply staying steer-clear can be stressful !

The world is round! What am I to do with the square peg I am born with?

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

"There's no fence nor hedge around time that is gone. You can go back and have what you like of it, if you can remember." quotes, Richard Llewellyn, in his book 'How Green Was My Valley'.

If not for this damn thing called memories, we could have sold our souls off to deals heartlessly materialistic like ‘moving on’ and just be fine about it. Agreed, it's change that we all live by every day and may be with even the best, best-ever loved times, there comes a point when we actually want change, so the sweetness and all the good things about what we personally experienced with it does not become a carcass to carry around, in our minds.

What's my point here, especially when I am presently sailing thru' a pretty smooth life, with a job I am, at last happy to go to, a pretty neat little apartment I wouldn't mind spending my weekends at if malls declare shut, a husband who advocates feminine independence and if you ask me, the best of all, no babies with screaming capabilities potentially matching with the Kakapo, waiting to assassinate my late-twenties over dirty diapers. Phew, that's neat - here's a toast in honor of not having all that I always wanted to stay away from.

So why the heck does some things left to rest in peace pay unforeseen visits, making live-able days, tad heavy? People come and go, but not all leave pictures you want to store up. Okay, that was plain stupid. I know my posts are getting vague, talking of no particular incident or a person, also a clear indicator of the hazy transitions happening within. I should be worried about it, I think.

On the other side, I am right now playing host to some of the intense memories of my life and don't really understand if I should do something about it rather than being a meek spectator. Now, that’s the problem when you are trying to strike a balance between heart and mind. Sometimes they both are right and they are both forceful, but just straight opposite. I know they'll fade off again and life will get back to being wildly a glib until probably the next time. But isn't it actually trying to tell me something? I have this weird feeling that it is, just that I can't figure out yet. Well, atleast my blog will keep a memory of my random trysts with such experiences.

If some things in life have to come back as hard hitting as memories, why did they go away, after all? Okay- don't answer that.

I know - because goddamnit, some things just need to end; like this post.

Monday, November 2, 2009

It may not sound spiritually accurate but I think I have found my word. If I need to be honest about the pursuit around it, I could get really dramatic. Because, it was dramatic – the whole point of me wanting to read the book again on no particularly sensible grounds and getting jammed over the same point where it talks about having your own word and all that nonsense and then me blogging about it and lastly the most hilariously alarming fact – finding my word in just about a week after. I seriously now have to consider this point I put in rollick in one of my earlier posts – may be I am really possessed, in which case, I guess I better buck up to face more truths, knocking my door.

I wish I could write about it, I really do, albeit a personal menace to many of the (best possible) practicalities I live with. ‘Cause it just feels damn good. But still, I might risk some of the finest luxuries I have. So, let’s just say, it will for now remain within the walls of restricted premises, which, by the ways, is just me in this scenario. I wanted to write this much because I had to express here the divinity of having realized another face of my own soul. I wanted to reassure that there is an answer to all that we seek. Yea, that's what it seems like. Probably.

I think it would be worth a try to dig whatever-that-has-possessed-me now a little deeper so I don’t have to be flabbergasted with myself in future.

I am just going to choose to believe here that my family or atleast a part of my family who check my blog out won't invite me to gunshot on reading this. Sorry, guys.

Okay, that was dramatic enough; anything more might make this post a big ass of itself.

I promise I am not drunk but whatever this is - is just bloody hell of an experience- Per se.

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About Me

I figure rollercoasters are not for me. Neither is horror. Nor shrimp(or much of any kind of seafood. I’m the kind who settles at best for grilled tilapia even if we were in New Orleans). These are kind of things, to me, meant for the brave hearted. Everything else pretty much is covered.