(Closed) My friend needs advice and I have no idea what to tell her. Help please!

Hi bees, recently a friend of mine asked for advice and told me a story so mind-boggling I was gobsmacked.

She and her husband aren’t the most genteel of people, but they haven’t had a public facebook row in over a year now (which is a record for them). This week, they have been hurling insulting statuses back and forth, and today they *gasp* changed their relationship status from “married” to “in a relationship and its complicated”. I asked her whats wrong, and she told me literally the craziest story I have ever heard.

On Thursday, her husband was tested for paternity for an incarcerated prostitutes baby. The results came back and there is 99.9% probability that he is the father. Here’s where the story gets wonky: her husband is an identical twin. Right now, with DNA technology there is no surefire way to differentiate between identical twins. His twin has also been known to sleep with said prostitute. They are both denying, however having slept with the girl. The girl identified her husband as the twin she slept with at the time of conception, but they have been known to “switch” identities when they are in trouble, or to get something the other twin has (they have both tricked their girlfriends (now wives) into sleeping with the others wife using their assumed identities). She is not sure the baby is her husbands because the baby is a boy (their 2 kids are girls while the twin brother’s two kids are boys), and the baby looks more like the twin’s sons. Her husband, even though he proclaims his innocence, is seriously contemplating accepting paternity and raising the child as theirs.

Poor girl does not know whether to leave or stay, and doesn’t know whether the child is his or not. From my outsider’s prospective, I think its his; if he seriously knew that he did not sleep with this woman at or near the time of conception, he wouldn’t even think to accept the child as any more than his nephew. What would ya’ll tell her in this situation?

UM THAT IS BONKERS. I mean, I’d tell her to leave! But also, I mean if my husband was “known to sleep with prostitutes” I’d be gone a long time ago. If this is the drama she wants, it’s what she wants. OH MAN YOU WERENT KIDDING IT IS CRAZY!!!!

@NaijaPuertoDorian: I don’t know that I would want to stay with anyone that I even suspected was with a prostitute. If he’s getting tested, than he obviously has had some type of relations with this girl. Isn’t he worried about passing diseases to his wife? I just don’t think I could be with someone that could cheat on me, especially not with a sex worker…that’s just dangerous. She needs to dump him. No doubt.

The craziest part is is that she’s not mad about the baby, she will accept raising him, even though she thinks he’s not her husband’s, but shes mad because she thinks he did sleep with the girl. I am so befuddled. ..

@NaijaPuertoDorian: I think the craziest part is that the twins used to switch identities to sleep with each other’s wives/girlfriends. Everything else is much more believable, but I honestly can’t believe this.

Also, as far as I know, I don’t think it matter whether the baby is a boy or a girl in terms of paternity.

I would just tell her to take some time to herself. Let grandma or someone she trusts take the kids and go rent a hotel room for a few days so she can get away from the craziness, gain some perspective, and decide what she wants to do. When you’re surrounded by crazy you get sucked into the crazy mindset. That sounds like this is what happened to her.

They must be amazing at impersonating each other. Every time I’ve gotten to know a set of twins, it’s been obvious who’s who once I knew them well… but at the same time in both cases I could imagine them pulling pranks if they wanted.

This story is kind of amazing. I don’t even think I can do advice right now. I dont even know how to respond to this. I feel like one of those “truth is stranger than fiction” things.

@LaCroix: I think the crazy mindset is there way of life, her relationship seems to be one of those where it isn’t exciting without drama, its unfortunate now that they have now 3 kids under 1 living with them when they argue like a young high school couple.

@Bebealways: Like i said before, these aren’t your cream of the crop, brimming with intelligience young adults. Neither of the “prospective fathers” are high school graduates, and my friend has just the minimum ASVAB score required to be in the Navy (her active duty status adds a whole ‘nother aspect to this craziness). It wouldn’t be tough to trick her.

Fact- just because you have girl babies with your wife does not mean that you wont have a boy baby with someone else.

And if my twin brother wasn’t going to accept responsibility for a child and I had the means to support another child even though it was my nephew then of course I would accept responsibility rather than see my flesh an blood grow up with a dodgy mother or in the foster care system.

It sounds like the brother is shady. If the wife has no reason to suspect that her hubby would sleep with a prostitute then maybe he is just trying to do the right thing.

The thing that concerns me the most is the fact that the twins both tricked their brothers’ wives into having sex with them. I’m not exaggerating when I say that this is rape. It is not recognized legally everywhere, but some states in the US have laws about “rape by deception” or rape by fraud.” And regardless of whether its considered a crime legally, I really believe that it is rape because the consent is only because of the deceit. It’s really messed up at both your friend’s husband and her brother-in-law would do something like that. Here’s a few references:

I also agree with previous posters about concerns regarding STD’s and STI’s. I would strongly urge your friend to get tested. I’m not saying that all sex workers have diseases – anyone who believes their partner may have had unprotected sex with someone else should get tested.

Has he told her why exactly he’s considering accepting paternity and raising the child? It does strike me as kind of strange. Maybe he’s just being kind, but it could also mean that he thinks the child might be his.

Other than that, just offer her support. Be a friend. I know the situation is weird, but try your best not to judge, even if you don’t understand her relationship.

As a person married to an identical twin, I can tell you there’s no way I believe that they were able to switch partners that easily. Only if it were dark and I couldn’t see his face clearly would I believe that my husband’s twin brother were him. To the rest of the world, my husband and his brother look identical, but to me they look as identical as any two non-twin brothers look. So, I find it hard to believe that anyone married to a twin could be so easily fooled!

It makes me sick even reading that story. My advise is to work on building up your friend and helping her realize what she is in is NOT a marriage and help her realize she deserves better and to leave him. She needs to see a doctor and get tested right away too. Obviously if this prostitue got pregnant she is not using protection. Your friend is at a great risk. She should not be with a discusting human being who cheats on her with prostitutes, tricks other women into sleeping with him by pretending to be someone else and allowing his brother to trick her into sleeping with him. The whole situation is so vile. The baby aside, there are so many other reasons she should have left him a long time ago.

Regardless of whether the baby is his or not, what is she thinking staying with someone who would trick her (or allow her to be tricked) into sleeping with another man? That is crazy.

I would leave, even if she doesn’t believe the baby is his, he obviously doesn’t care about her too much if he’s willing to trick her into sleeping with his brother, or cheat on his wife with his sister in law.