How consciously parenting teens can help ease conflict

Parenting from the traditional parenting paradigm causes a great problem when we come to disciplining our teenagers, because the traditional parenting paradigm poses the parent on this pedestal of superiority; it kind of works well until our kids hit teen years, but when they hit the teen years, developmentally, now they’re entering their own assertion, their own autonomy, their own independence. The parent who’s been parenting from the traditional model where parents know best, is greater than, is on this pedestal of superiority now feels highly threatened by this budding autonomous spirit who is going to challenge everything that their parent has so far taught them. The teenager really isn't doing this in a purposely devilish way, the teen now, because it can take care of itself, is finally going to take care of its unmet needs. However, if there are a lot of unmet needs, chances are, the teens is going to act out or manifest the expression of this unmet needs in an unhealthy way and the parent is going to feel highly triggered, highly threatened and mostly unskilled not knowing how to handle the teenager. The best advice in a spiritual conscious approach to disciplining teens is to really enter a space of unequivocal acceptance, because the more you enter into the para struggle with the teenager and resist them and not understand that its simply an unmet need over the years that’s now getting manifested, then we’re going to widen the schism between the parent and the child, and this is what traditionally happens, the space between parent and child grows wider until it’s an abyss that really breeds dysfunction and disconnection.

Shefali Tsabary, PhD

Clinical Psychologist & Author

Shefali Tsabary, PhD is the author of the award-winning book, The Conscious Parent. This book has been heralded as a game-changer in the parenting field. Dr. Shefali is an international speaker on conscious parenting and mindful living. She has a private practice in New York.

Parenting from the traditional parenting paradigm causes a great problem when we come to disciplining our teenagers, because the traditional parenting paradigm poses the parent on this pedestal of superiority; it kind of works well until our kids hit teen years, but when they hit the teen years, developmentally, now they’re entering their own assertion, their own autonomy, their own independence. The parent who’s been parenting from the traditional model where parents know best, is greater than, is on this pedestal of superiority now feels highly threatened by this budding autonomous spirit who is going to challenge everything that their parent has so far taught them. The teenager really isn't doing this in a purposely devilish way, the teen now, because it can take care of itself, is finally going to take care of its unmet needs. However, if there are a lot of unmet needs, chances are, the teens is going to act out or manifest the expression of this unmet needs in an unhealthy way and the parent is going to feel highly triggered, highly threatened and mostly unskilled not knowing how to handle the teenager. The best advice in a spiritual conscious approach to disciplining teens is to really enter a space of unequivocal acceptance, because the more you enter into the para struggle with the teenager and resist them and not understand that its simply an unmet need over the years that’s now getting manifested, then we’re going to widen the schism between the parent and the child, and this is what traditionally happens, the space between parent and child grows wider until it’s an abyss that really breeds dysfunction and disconnection.