Contemplation​in Action:Missionary Thoughts Of The Week

We are wrapping up our role play experience this week and next with reflections and comments on the whole thing. If you have taken the time to really immerse yourself, you’re probably hitting the same snags as everyone else. Great! This is, in fact, an intended part of the process. Our RPG is designed to focus our attention on the most basic foundational pegs of human relationships, allowing us to see how such things are affected on a rather grand scale by the seemingly smallest subtleties of orientation and assumption.

We’ll start with what is most fresh – revisiting our solitary/mentor discussion from last week. Did anyone find it jarring to see this bit of advice?

“If you are pleased with how your game is going, you smile to yourself and think, ‘I’ve got a good handle on this.’ If you’re not pleased… well, you still have all the skills you’re used to using, so maybe you can take a deep breath and try a little harder. If you’re unsure of yourself, improvise as best you can. Maybe you can watch and mimic what some of the other, more successful players are doing. Maybe the fact that it’s a role play will give you a burst of courage to try something you’ve never done before. Rest easily – you are free to be your own cheerleader or your own worst critic. Best of all, nobody will ever know if you are highly skilled or just winging it. That’s between you and… you.”

We did.

It might be the wording, or the slightly dismissive tone. Perhaps it’s the suggestions that seem a little off. Perhaps it’s the whole paragraph that seems… downright insensitive.

It is.

And, this is a role play, after all, so we can use more liberty here than we would take in real situations.

The advice above was blithely given to those of us drawing the “solitary” choice from the Help Deck. The “mentor” card, on the other hand, received a good ten paragraphs or more of discussion and elaboration. Assuming a 50/50 chance of drawing either card, the “solitary” players really got shortchanged. It would appear that our agenda centered on extolling the virtues of mentorship and convincing readers that this is a key part of doing what we do.

It was. We are not ashamed to say that we did want to do that, and we hope we did a decent job of it. But now we need to look at the flip side, the notion of playing alone, answerable only to ourselves. A lot of people live their lives this way on purpose… but a great many more go through their day to day with no mentoring simply because it’s not there. Life does not play out with a deck of cards. Many, many people do what they do with what they have, without the benefit of a game structure to introduce someone as a designated and trustworthy advisor.

Our advice (in our opinion) smacks a little too much of reality. How many of us have heard these messages, in one way or another?

“Take a deep breath and try a little harder.”

“Improvise as best as you can.”

“Watch and mimic what some of the other, more successful players are doing.”

“You are your own best cheerleader or your own worst critic.”

“Nobody will ever know if you are highly skilled or winging it.”

“That’s between you… and you.”

For those of us who have, or have ever had, any difficulty in any social situation or relationship, this is the kind of talk that makes us want to explode… or give up.

​To be fair, these statements by themselves are not entirely bad. Many times we do need encouragement to try harder. Many times we need to be reminded by someone else that we are being too harsh of a critic toward ourselves. Many times it is indeed helpful to glance at someone else and see what their secrets to success are.

The key is not to do any of that for ourselves.

These messages take on different nuances, depending on their source. If someone is truly connected to us, understands our need and suggests something along these lines, it can be very helpful and reassuring. If it is a message that comes from someone to whom we are not personally connected, it sounds like an unhelpful platitude meant to keep us from inconveniencing the speaker. If it comes from ourselves, especially as we go further down the list, it begins to sound less encouraging and more dishonest.

There will be times when we have to wing it. There will be times when we improvise, or when we are out of ideas and have to keep trying anyway. Life is like that sometimes, no matter how well we try to plan or control what happens. But habitually falling back on ourselves without the benefit of feedback or encouragement gives us a sense of insulation that whispers the temptation to fake it ‘till we make it. After awhile, we internalize that our success is based on a fraudulent façade… which disconnects us from our very selves.

Think about that.

How often does real life give us the “solitary” card instead of the benefit of a “mentor” card? Too often, unfortunately. We have no way to guarantee we will have mentors available. So what, then, can we do, when we find ourselves with only ourselves?

Pray. We are never truly on our own, ever. We may not experience prayer like we would a conversation with a breathing person across the table from us, but no matter how we pray – by rote, by monologue, by imaginary dialog, by reading sacred writing, by engaging our senses in an awareness of God, or by any of the thousands of other methods – we connect ourselves to our Source. Just this act of recollection is enough to keep ourselves from forgetting that we are not alone.

Designate. We may not have a mentor, or a friend, or a person to whom we feel connected right here and now. But we can designate someone. We have all filled out forms where we need to list references, or emergency contacts, or next of kin… even when we are hard-pressed to think of someone to write in. Think of someone. Even if it is one of your ancestors. Even if it is someone you have not personally met. Any other person, and designate that person the one to whom you could potentially recount your actions, your choices, your purpose. Most of the time, it will be an actual, breathing person in your life, but do not feel diminished if you quietly imagine someone to whom you will never actually speak. Just designate someone – a real person, not a fictional character – as your connection. It’s not perfect, but it is an effective bridge that prevents disconnection.

Cultivate. If you have nobody right now, you have a job to do. Find someone. Pray for the right person to become apparent. Ask around. Put yourself in situations where you can see who feels trustworthy and comfortable. Lead with your need and put voluntary humility to work for you. Never will there be a more appropriate time to use our missionary superweapon, “Can you be my friend?”

Mentor. Recall this from last week: “Solitary” players are permitted to mentor others without limitation. You may not have a mentor right now, but there is nothing stopping you from being one. All you need is a healthy dose of humanity to be qualified enough to help any person who comes into your path.

​Remember, our Mission as Missionaries of Saint Thorlak is to take on spiritual starvation, one ordinary step at a time. Keep this foremost in our minds, and not only will we protect ourselves from spiritual malnourishment, but we will lead others by our example.

PRAY: Heavenly Father, help me to recognize the people You provide as emissaries to me, and help me see where I am needed as Your emissary to others.

CONTEMPLATE: When have I heard, or said, advice like the statements we have studied in this week’s Missionary Thought? What message has it sent?