Day 214: Paranoia within Paranoia

-Paranoia as an illusory relationship of consciousness to its own reactions, in which it defines that relationship as a ‘reality’ over and above the reality of the physical.-

What I have trapped myself into and as in how I have defined myself within the word paranoia and what has become apparent is a charge of fear within this word that I have hidden and suppressed from my own awareness.

I have been realising this point: that my ‘reluctance’ to write ‘about’ the paranoia that is evident everywhere like a subtle plague infesting into all levels of human existence, exposure of which is of vital importance to All and Everyone at this time, which would in common sense be best for all – comes out of how I have lived the word paranoia as an energy experience as my self.

Believing in my mind that I can investigate this word in the outer aspect of my world by reaching ‘around’ and ‘about’ (myself as) this word itself, in which I have actually merged my living reality into and as an energy experience, I have accepted and allowed myself to overlook, and brush aside this ‘reluctance’, and not look strait-forwardly upon the fear of who I am as stored within, but justified myself into a positive energy experience as self righteousness through the excuse of a lack of knowledge and information, while in this ‘reluctance’, reach ‘around’ and ‘about’ this word that what I am avoiding (reacting in fear towards) is the realisation of who I am and who I have accepted and allowed myself to be within and as this word ‘paranoia’.

The realisation of these things opens an awareness of the real nature of this reluctance that I have lived in relation to applying this word to various phenomena in this world and this reality, because there is no clarity within this word as I have lived it, but a murky and unspecified ‘reluctance’ in which I have attempted the impossible of putting myself aside and write self-honesty. This itself is an example of the paranoia through which I have attempted to impose with my mind an energy reality to suit my self interested energy experience onto the phenomenon of self expression. So it is ‘important’ – being in the interests of what is best for all – that I remove and re-align, correct myself within and as the word paranoia, to no longer live my own definition of the word, of me as an energy experience, and take the paranoia out of the word paranoia so that I can be clear within the word as representing a relationship of mind experience towards itself, and no longer include within the contents of this word of my own personalized relationships of accepted and allowed fear and judgement, and shame.

My personalized contents of the word paranoia begin with memories in which for the first time I encountered the word and then drew it into my vocabulary. This encounter was in the context of self-doubt, believing that there must be something ‘wrong’ with me, I researched in books of ‘psychology’, and came across psychiatric ‘case studies’, libraries of classified human ‘types’, as finished objects, where I was looking for a matching comparison from which to define myself. So I was looking to get in-formed and within that defined from a starting-point of there being within me something ‘wrong’, like there was a belief that there must be an authoritative judgement by which I could measure this experience of being me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect to the word paranoia, a memory of an experience of myself in which I consented to this statement that ‘there must be…an authoritative judgement in this book/library of who and what I am.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into comparison of lifes and from this to go into judgement of myself within the statement to myself that, ‘there must be… ‘something wrong with me’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word paranoia in and as a judgement of myself, and from there to experience the word paranoia as a judgement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to store the energy experience of fear within the word paranoia, contained in memories in which I have been and become this reaction of fear in connection to hearing the word paranoia, spoken about me, in connection to me, as a definition of who I am that I have accepted and allowed as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself within and as this word paranoia, or paranoid as if this were a description of my entire being, a finished product, like an open and shut case within what I believed to be myself as an example of ‘unchangeable’ humanity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to store these negative judgements of myself within the word paranoia – and fear of who I am as I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word paranoia out of my experience of myself enslaved to fear, an experience of myself through my self judgement, as an experience of shame.

I commit myself to clarify myself within living the word paranoia, to remove the energy experience that I have stored within it. I commit myself to the honest investigation of myself within who I am within the words in my vocabulary. I commit myself to clarify the words within my mind because I see and realise and understand that I have sabotaged and hampered my understanding of myself and of the world and my reality through relationships with words that I have accepted and allowed to be substantiated with who I am as illusion of myself as energy experience.

EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.

This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.

The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.