My journey of personal growth out of the pain of my divorce and into me.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Me-Date No. 2

From a mural in West Hollywood

I take it as a bad date when you come home with a headache.

But, what if the date you have is a date with yourself and you still come home with a headache? That can't be good.

It started out with a massage. I booked it at a massage salon in a strip mall, one I had been to before, and $39.00 for a full hour is not a bad price. Now, this wasn't a spa, but it had done the trick before. I had requested a combo of Swedish and some deep tissue work, due to the painting and stress I had been under. The masseuse had barely touched me when she noticed how tight I was and offered a full deep tissue, really deep, for only $10.00 more. I agreed. She climbed up on the table, and began using her heels to dig into my back. She walked up and down my back digging into spots near my spine, and shoulders, all the while commenting how strong and tight I was. (I know, this is beginning to sound like a bad porn novel.) After a while, she switched from her heels to her knees and eventually to her elbows. She eventually finished with a light Swedish and the hour was up. While on one hand, I did feel some relief from the tension I'd been carrying, I knew I wasn't completely relaxed.

From a mural in West Hollywood

I then drove to my favorite vegetarian fast food place, Veggie Grill. I took along a notebook to do some writing, either for one of a few ideas for novels or for jotting ideas for my blogs. I am not vegetarian, but occasionally feel the need to be more healthy. I also chose Veggie Grill because I wasn't sure what I wanted to do next and it wasn't in the Valley. Perhaps I would take a stroll around Hollywood, West Hollywood, or head east into Downtown L.A., or even to another favorite place for me to go and meditate, Greystone Park in Beverly Hills, all are just a short drive from Veggie Grill. I placed my order; a veggie burger with added Portobello Mushroom, and sweet potato fries with Chipotle dipping sauce. Finding a table wasn't difficult as the place was nearly empty and I sat down and jotted notes for a blogpost. Yet, there was some unease still around me. My muscles in my back and shoulders were still sore from the deep tissue work, and a faint headache was beginning.

The food arrived, and I ate and wrote, glancing around me at the patrons nearby. A couple to my right, I think he was gay, and she his best girlfriend; two women on my left, one with an accent and the other was speaking too softly to hear. A trio was eating at the table in front of me, two young men, very gay, and a woman- all eating salads. As I was writing, something was gnawing at me, and I couldn't discern what. A pent up emotion, but what? Frustration over a toilet I was having difficulty repairing at home, general malaise at the encroaching holiday, or a surprise shock from an unexpected email, stirring up old wounds and bittersweet memories? A bit of all three, perhaps, with the latter being the heavyweight.

Back to my me-date, I finished eating, (the food is always good at Veggie Grill) and was feeling a bit guilty taking up space at a table while not eating. Now, the place was not hurting for tables, there was no line out the door. But, the headache was building and I thought some exercise might do me some good. And I must admit, the call to fix the toilet was deafening, as was the sister call to finish touching up the recent paint jobs. So, I left to continue my me-date, resisting the urge to rush home and keep working.

Trilingual signs in West Hollywood

I ended up driving into West Hollywood wanting to get in touch with my gayself. I found cheap, decent parking, a post-Apocalyptic/Holiday miracle in itself. I paid for two hours of parking and walked up to Santa Monica Blvd. Now, I had been there just a few months before, so nothing new was happening for me to take pictures of. But, I tried. Maybe it was the general mood I was in; the pain of the massage, the paint jobs calling me, the toilet dripping on the floor (well, I did know how to turn it off at least). But, the idea of leaving something unfinished was irksome, especially after I'd tried to fix the toilet and having no success.

I wandered around Santa Monica Blvd for a while. Feeling no particular pull, except for coffee, I headed to the one and only Starbucks I knew of in WeHo. I got my order and walked back to my car and drove home, running errands on the way. All in all it was an okay me-date. I mean, I'd still do it again, but I think I'd pay better attention to my moods. Though, I think getting out did me some good, if only for the benefits of walking, of seeing something other than my house and neighborhood, of breathing fresher air outside, of breaking my routine.

While getting out of the house was, and is, a good thing, it doesn't necessarily take my mind off all the things I need to do either for my job, my house, my kids, or myself. It does serve as a temporary reprieve from the boredom of coming home and constantly working, or surfing the internet. All work and no play makes Jeff a dull, gay old man.

And who knows? I might meet a handsome, hunky barista who knows exactly how hot to make my latte.

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About Me

I am a retired teacher in Los Angeles, California.
My first novel, Out of the Past, was published in September 2012, and there are several more ideas bubbling around in my head hoping they, too, will see the light of day. Several years ago I wrote some poems and again, some of those might surface here.