Having the opportunity to write this blog to you all is actually one of the aspects of HoH that I've been looking forward to the most. Here I can tell you all my deepest darkest thoughts about all my fellow houseguests.

I should start by saying that I really do genuinely care for everyone in this house on a personal level. On a game level, however, it's anything-goes and no one's emotions are safe. But personally...I love them all. I'm quite confident that after getting home and watching this season, I will have lost the friendships of at least half of this house. But the remainder that choose to forgive my deplorable game-character and see me for what I truly am (the greatest Big Brother player in the history of the game...yeah, I said it), I will be close to for years to come.

As a crazy super-fan of the show myself, I've always found Big Brother to be not just an entertaining show on a surface level, but also a fascinating social experiment. Being a part of it all makes me realize this even more. Never in my normal life would I end up befriending a meat-head jock (who would have most certainly logged many hours kicking my ass in high school), nor in my normal life would a Vegas bikini cocktail waitress ever give me the time of day. This meshing of subcultures is extraordinarily awesome, and for that I am insanely grateful to even be allowed to have this experience.

Okay, okay - enough with the sappy love-fest. I know...you want the dirt.

So, as you are aware, my nominations did not exactly go as originally planned this week. Not to worry, America! The diabolical super-genius is fast at work rectifying the situation! It's great to watch Andrew go completely mental, and in hindsight I think this is all going to work out BETTER for me than if the plan to backdoor Brendan went through as it was originally supposed to. At this point in time I feel completely safe next week, and I think the house still thinks I'm a total nitwit. Perfect on all accounts!

One thing I'm finding odd being here is how excited people get at the prospect of making it to the jury house. I've been hearing this since Day 1 in the house, but even more so now that there's only one or two evictions left until that happens. I just don't get it. That seems like such a loser mindset to me. If I'm not going to win anyway, then I'd rather just be sent home early so that I can get back to my normal life. For me, once the jury house starts getting populated there's absolutely no options other than to win this game. There's no way I'm going to be happy "just going to the jury house"! What kind of dopey accomplishment is that?!? Who brags to their friends about being a loser??? My housemates boggle my mind sometimes.

Speaking of my family, I guess now is a good time to give my personal shout-outs. First off, to my wife Stacy...WOW! - what a helluva HoH basket!!! In case you missed all of the awesomeness at home, America - here's just some of what my wife hooked me up with:

1. Enough of my favorite candies to last me literally the entire season 2. A zombie squirrel. 3. Her actual blanket that she sleeps with at home, so it still smells like her. 4. A shot glass from our wedding. 5. A pirate skull-and-crossbones flag. 6. Sliders!

However, the greatest part of the package was the letter from home. Stacy - you couldn't have written a more perfect note! I honestly read it every day. Literally the only major weight hanging over my head since I've been here is if you were super pissed with the lie about your fake disease. Although I told you before I left that I'd do anything outside of infidelity to win this game, I was thoroughly concerned that you were disgusted with my game play, and I fully expected to have divorce papers waiting for me in my HoH basket. When I read that letter saying how proud of me you were and how supportive you are of the way I'm playing the game and being true to myself, it gave me a newfound energy and vigor to win this thing! I also love how, in the span of one or two sentences, you could both feed my ego and then shoot me down again with a little jab. It was both flattering and humbling, and that's exactly what I need to hear right now. Thank you SO much again...I love you dearly and cannot wait to get back home to see you!

I'd like to also say hello to mom and dad! As Stacy said - I've basically been myself (hand down the pants and all), so hopefully I haven't caused you too much shame or embarrassment in your personal lives. But, then again, you created this monster - heheh. I love and miss you both very much as well. Please keep taking care of the little lady for me. I'm wondering if this paragraph was a waste to type, since you usually need me to show you how to work your computer. I'm guessing you'll never see this. Either way, the sentiment is there.

That ends yet another sappy break. Back to some Big Brother entertainment for you super-fans...

Let's talk about The Brigade, shall we. I believe that 70% of this game is skill, 25% is luck, and the last 5% is fate. I don't have much luck in my day-to-day life, so I was banking on a 75% chance of being the odds-on favorite this season to win. Thankfully, that little 5% of fate got sprinkled on me Day 1 as I fell into The Brigade. I truly believe that there has never been a greater alliance in Big Brother history. As I type this, there's not a single person in the house that suspects us in the least of having a four-person alliance. The beauty of The Brigade is that we all have our little "side-alliances". So as long as the main four-person Brigade remains under-wraps, then if any Brigade member gets put on the block they will more than likely be put up with their side-alliance member and not against another one of the Brigade members. It really is a brilliant operation. Hopefully Hayden can keep his focus on The Brigade instead of Kristen. They're making themselves more and more suspicious by the day of being the "secret friends", so he needs to be careful of that. The Brigade needs to be all four of our number-one priorities, and I'm thinking that Hayden may be losing focus.

The side-alliances are a good segue into talking about my personal side-alliance, Ragan. Ragan is definitely one-of-a-kind. Stacy loves gay men, and before I left for the show she told me to be sure to make friends with "the gay guy" in the house. I told her I didn't want to because they typically just hang out with all girls so that is horrible strategy to get involved with. Well, it turns out that (much to the delight of my wife, I'm guessing) "the gay guy" has inadvertently become my absolute closest friend in the house. He's really the only person that I feel any guilt about in regards to the lie about Stacy or even the lies that involve The Brigade. I know that he thinks we'd have each other's backs through to the Final Two, so it's unfortunate that I have to play him the way that I am. I hope that he can watch the show and understand that I'm just being a great game player and that it's nothing personal. But any connection you see between Ragan and myself is entirely genuine, and I can't really say that about anyone else at this point in the game. I'm going to keep him here as long as I can without outing The Brigade because he's a friend that I want to make sure that I have outside of this house for a very long time. We'll see what happens!

In regards to lies, I should address the major one surrounding my game play. Allow the following few paragraphs to clear the air for the large number of people who undoubtedly think I will be burning a slow eternity in hell for the lie I'm telling about my wife. In case you're not in on it already, I've been spreading around the house that my wife has a degenerative bone disease called Melarheotosis (which I have probably...no, definitely...just misspelled). I've been telling people that I don't really ever watch Big Brother (haha), but that Stacy is a huge fan and has convinced me to go on the show in order to win money to get her the necessary surgery that she needs to save her leg from being amputated. Furthermore, this fictitious surgery is not covered by insurance and will cost insane amounts of money to fund...

...Look, America - to win big, you have to play big. The reason that this story is so believable is because no one would be sick enough to lie about something like this. No one until me, that is. But that's what makes it the perfect way to garnish the sympathy I need! I only need four jury votes to win the $500,000, and I've already had three people tell me in confidence that they would not only vote for me, but that (because of my wife's "condition") they would even suggest to the jury that I should get the money if they were in the Final Two up against me!!! Haha - brilliant!...

Even though Stacy has a clean bill of health, this disease is something real. I heard about it on TV a year or two ago on some medical program. The facts I've been spewing about it are half real (from my memory of the show) and half completely fabricated. Either way, if I win this half-million then I definitely have this disease to thank (in part) for my victory. That being said, if I win the $500,000 I will absolutely be making a sizable donation to the research foundation for Melarheotosis. That's not something I'm doing only in an effort to clear my conscience (although I'm sure it'll help), but more as just a genuine feeling of both gratitude and sympathy for anyone suffering from the condition.

See...I'm not so evil after all! ;-)

Well, everyone - time is winding down here. I hope this has been a little bit interesting for you. If you've made it this far, then words cannot even begin to express my amazement at the time you'd invest in me. It's insane to me to think that anyone would even slightly care what I have to say or think (especially when I've rambled this much). So, to all of you reading this far...THANK YOU! Your support and encouragement is unbelievable, and it gets me choked-up to even think about. If any of you see me out in public when this is over, please do not hesitate to stop by and say hello. Unless you don't like me and want to punch me in the face...then please just leave me alone.

America - I love you! Stacy - I love you more! A thousand thank-yous again to everybody. You are all amazing!

So I WON MY 2nd HOH!!!! OMG IM FREAKING OUT ITS CRAZY!!! Iím sure y'all all saw my post comp. "O"(as Reg referes to it) I was FREAKING OUT when I won b.c I didn't think I would and also b.c my frienenemy Kristin had JUST put me up like 5 times to try to knock me outa the comp. but I came through and won HOH YAY and ensured that Brendon and I would stay another week, I think I was so emotional about it really b.c if I wouldn't have won I think it would be Brendon and I on the block and I donít know if we could have saved ourselves! BUT YAY I saved us so we get to continue to FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!!!!!!!

THIS HOUSE AND THIS GAME IS CRAZY! Brendon and I fight for our lives EVERY comp. and every day and we donít really feel like ANYONE else does! Itís like easy road for a few people and than you have almost the ENTIRE HOUSE saying their coming after Brendon and I ----and I donít think its going to stop esp. since we keeeeeeeeeep winning comps.

So this HOH I decided to do things a lil' differently to be a lil more fiesty and fierce, and a lil more outspoken and mostly to MAKE POWER MOVES, really the first power moves of the game to date. I decided that it didnít matter who I upset or who I try to be nice to, or what the house wants b.c the "house" is STILL GOING TO COME AFTER BRENDON AND I so either we prove to them and show them its better to be on our side, and if your not with us than your against us! QUE my one liner about Floaters GRAB YOUR LIFEVESTS...... and basically they should be scared b.c anytime Iím in this position I am going to be coming after the floaters and after the people who are on easy street not fighting after all this is a competition to win 500,000$ no one said it would be easy, and I think that anything worth something in this world is worth working for worth fighting for and worth so much more when you achieve your goals b.c you know in your heart that you worked hard, worked harder and with your whole heart! So basically now Brendon and I just have to make it the next 5weeks so we can be in the finals and that is going to be SUPER SUPER HARD!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know that we are going to continue to be the "outsiders" to continue to be targets and to continue to have to fight and fight hard to be here, but HEY IM A COMPETITOR AND FIGHTER SO IM NOT SCARED LIKE I SAID TO KRISTIN AND HAYDEN you come for me and Brendon than BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha

Speaking of which, so the fight with Kristin I have no idea where it stemmed from but in my opinion I think she wanted to be the "queeen bee" of the house. She wants to be the only girl here so she can skate through to the end have Hayden protect her and she thinks the boys wonít target her....maybe she viewed me as competition, which was a BAD game move on her part, Brendon and I are both smart good strong players why would you so openly target us?! I donít know what Kristin was thinking....maybe she thought she would win and than it just became a thing where she didnít want me to win, but Iím not kidding you put me in that moment with the adrelinine running and I donít even remember the riddles, I would hear the beginnings and I would quickly go through the comps. and hit the button... than after all the obvious targeting I won got super excited and maybe ummmmm....well yall saw went for Kristin, had a good one liner and than got INTO it with her....I donít even KNOW what the argument was about and at one point I know she even got up in my face---it was BANANAS! so than I did appoligize to her and like Kristin she said apology not accepted and eww tried to fight again-so I walked away, than got my HOH room and KRISTIN DIDNT COME UP!!!!! What is she thinking really!? Like to be so obviously rude and mean to the girl who just won HOH and who was your "BFF" two weeks ago? HMMMMMMM well obviously all her cards are out on the table..... SO basically Kristin ends up on the block next to Hayden and really has NO WHERE TO GO BUT HOME>>>>>SEEEEEEE YA-WONíT MISS YA-THANK GOD YOUR GONE--it does suck that she couldnít play the game better and stay another week and make it to the jury!

So it was a really fun week, we played in a luxiourous(as Enzo would say) competition, to see who would view the NEW SUMMER MOVIE ďTHE OTHER GUYSĒ starring Will Ferrell(one of my FAV. ACTORS) and Mark Walhberg. And my boo boo and his boys won YAY So Brendon and I would have our first date, with chaprones hehe the movie was so good yall gota see it!!!! It was fun, funny, and action packed, really one of the best Will F. movies ever and so many good one liners and also a cast of stars the cast alone is worth the viewing! and in true Big Brother fashion we got the HOOOOOOK UPS we watched the movie with our own popcorn maker, and a plethlara(spelling) of candy like old school candy and new candy and everything in between!! WE ALSO had the BEST YUMMIEST soda collection known to man, I enjoyed an espresso diet soda AND a green tea diet soda Iím not kidding you it was so good!!!! I like these luxury comps. we get spoiled! So bottom line is if your ever in the Big Brother house playing for a luxiourous comp. play hard b.c the reward is big!

So now lets be GAME TALKERS........... Ok so Hayden and Kristin approached me and Brendon after the POV (which Britney won thank god!) and wanted to make a deal with us, of course they did their butts are on the line...and I think they would have said ANYTHING at this point to stay and be saved so I pushed their buttons and tried to see JUST how desperate they were, I told them what they were talking about was a final four-four person alliance, (thatís a LOT to commit to in week 4) and that they had to keep us safe pull us off vote to keep us all here and work for all of us to get to the final four....and THEY AGREED! WOW! HOW DUMB DO I LOOK not only do I KNOW that Kristin and Hayden now are trying to play anything they can but they are agreeing to put up their friends, to backstab everyone, and to be true to me and Brendon yea...ummm...not so much.... Then basically I TOLD Hayden he needed to go make a deal with Britney to not involve Kristin at all and to make it something she cant resist...and HE DID WHAT I SAID....so now I know how easily Hayden is really manipulated, and controlled YIKES! So I agreed to the deal for the night waited to hear what Hayden offered Brittney and than waited to talk to Brendon, well basically Hayden offers Britney two weeks free from going up and two weeks to pull her off the block, SHHHESH so this kid just basically promised everyone in the deal the 5 of us to be the final 5---is he willing to sell out his friends that quickly!?!?! SCARY and if Brit even KNEW WHAT DEAL WAS MADE THERES NO WAY SHE WOULD AGREE TO BE PART OF A DEAL WITH 2 COUPLES REALLY GUYS.... BRITS NOT DUMB SHES REALLY SMART! so I knew that this "deal" was bad news Kristin and Hayden would do anything to stay right now and turn immediatly on Brendon and I!!!! YUCK OVER IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

So Brit didnít use the veto and Kristin started to campaign to keep herself here against her bff b/f Hayden, so she thinks that people would trust her at all if sheís willing to turn on Hayden who is her biggest alli than what wouldnít she do...? Apparently Kristin really needs to re-read the Big Brother manual b.c her game SUCKS sheís made so many bad game moves in one and a half weeks Iím suprised that if sheís this bad it took her this long to be figured out!?!?!

After all this I approached Britney about having an alliance with Brendon and I and she seems like shes down... I hope sheís not just playing Brendon and I and I hope she doesnít turn on us in the end like EVERYONE else in this game and house.... if Brendon and I can lock up two people we do trust and we do like than maybe that will guerentee us longeitivity in this game and we can hopefully make it to final four-than final two....its going to be really hard but I know that Brendon and I are capable of doing it! Its only going to get harder and Brendon and I are going to have to fight MORE AND MORE as the house gets smaller b.c the target on us gets bigger b.c people are going to want to split us up ASAP.... so America please be fans of ours we try soooo hard and fight harder hehehe

This game is only getting crazier I cant wait to find out what is going to be thrown at us the next few weeks and what yall have planed America

And thank you to the fans of Big Brother, we really do play this game for yall(well I do) I wish I could have yall sending me advice, its not easy when your in our shoes, this house is crazy and you always have to know that people are about to turn on you, mostly everything everyone says is a lie and even when you expect the unexpected you have NO IDEA whatís next! I hope they do a fans vs. favs b.c I know yall would beat me and teach me a thing or two about the game, I was a super fan also and I thought it would be easier but NO ITS NOT this Big Brother game and house is a constant battle for power, a constant battle to stay sane when your constantly being tested psychologically, a battle to play with logic when emotions get involved, a battle to find allis even for a week, a battle to trust people when you have everyone against you, its a social game, a physical game, an emotional game, THANK GOODNESS WE HAVE TRUE FANS cause YALL KNOW how nutz it must be, and I encourage the people who think they can play this game to do it! study every comp. study every season and STILL KNOW THAT ITS GOING TO BE DIFFERENT EVERY TIME I hope I get to sit back and watch yall next season and relate, to read your blogs and to know that your fighting as hard as I did for something you love, and you wanted so badly b.c that alone keeps you motivated, I never want to leave as hard as it will get and I can only expect it to be worse, I want to continue to be here fighting and in the end I can only hope I can meet the fans, and GAME TALK WITH YALL hehe even to the haters THANK YOU:::::To my fans I REALLY APPRICIATE YOUR SUPPORT AND HOPE YALL CONTINUE TO FOLLOW ME-To my haters keep hateing b.c the more you do the more motiviated I am to kick butt BUT KNOW YALL I WILL BE UP HERE AGAIN BLOGGING AGAIN AND EACH TIME IM SURE MY BLOGS WILL BE DIFFERENT HAHA I HAVE LEARNED SO MUCH JUST BEING HOH TWICE AND there are STILL things I AM GOING TO DO Differently And DONT WORRY THE FIESTYNESS OF this RED HEAD WILL KEEP COMING OUT

PS I MISS MY FAM, MY FRIENDS and my lil doggie Benz so much--I really really thank you for your support for your letters (lis and mom) and just the fact that I know yall watch me and are nervous for me when I play in these comps. and happy for me when I win, it really means so much that I am so blessed with such amazing family friends and fans I cant express that enough, yall really do make me fight harder! and I cant wait for yall to meet Brendon b.c hes really amazing AND I LOVE YALL SO MUCH THANK YOU A MILLION TIMES

I actually like seeing what she was thinking at the time...I am impressed that she had Hayden and Kristen's motives and tactics down 100%.

It is also interesting that she thinks Brit is playing a smart game...because she is.

Rachel knows that there is something with the guys...she has spotted it but hasn't yet realized how game boggling that could be.

I live the blogs...

Logged

"Our fans are pretty good. They don't give away too much. Sometimes people love dropping spoilers, but our fans are good. They tend to do it in such a way that doesn't ruin it for fans who don't want to know."--Phil Keoghan

I think I'm gonna be using this one purely selfishly as a personal brain-dump of anything on my mind as of late. Electronic therapy, if you will. So, I don't know how much "juicy house gossip" you'll be getting, but it'll probably be interspersed in here somewhere. Also, you can count on me winning at least one more of these in the future, so it may get better...

I'll start with my HoH basket from my parents. I'm thoroughly convinced that they've jumped on the "Matt's a scumbag" bandwagon, and it makes me kind of sad. One of the only "rules" my mother told me before leaving was not to say that she has cancer or any other physical illness as a game play tactic (she knows me too well). Of course, I found a loophole in her rule by using my wife instead of her. Now, you would think that after not seeing your son for almost two months that you would have tons to say. Instead I got like a four sentence letter...

...It started out with "Son" as the greeting instead of "Matt". Maybe this letter was meant for Enzo or Lane from one of their parents? Who knows. Anyway, the first sentence talked about how they see me more now than they ever did before (subtle undertones that I am a neglectful son). Then it went on to the next sentence about how my lawn mower broke, and now my grass is overgrown because it can't be cut. Okay, let me break for a second here to explain what it's like playing Big Brother. When you're immersed in this game, there is no need for any outside stressors. So the night I got my HoH basket I probably should have been thinking about my strategies and who I should be putting up on the block and who I need to keep off the block to save myself...but instead I was losing sleep worrying about how bad my grass back at home looks. Thanks, mom & dad!...

...The third sentence told me that we'd celebrate my birthday when I got home. Okay, that made me happy. But the big finish was telling me to always know how much I am loved. But it didn't necessarily say that I was loved by THEM. So, what I learned from my HoH letter from my parents was that I don't visit them enough, my house is in shambles, I have an impending birthday celebration, and somebody somewhere loves me.

To give them the benefit of the doubt, I could be completely overreacting and misreading this entire thing. I mean, after 40 days locked away with all these other looneys, I am no doubt losing my mind. My parents are not very verbose and expressive people, so their intentions may have been good. And if so, then that's enough for me. Also, they did give me some cool trinkets. One of them was a glass heart filled with hair from my dead childhood cat, Patches. Patches was the best - so much so that I even wrote and recorded a song about her in my old band. She was a miserable crotchety old cat who had every disease in the book and hated everyone except for me and my mother. R.I.P., Patches. Also I got these badass zombie cat figurines as well as one more rubber ducky - this one was a rock'n'roll drummer duck...

...Aside from those figures just being generally cool overall, they completed my collection of figures so that I have one figurine for each of the remaining houseguests. As you live-feeders may know, I have wicked insomnia and am pretty much always the last one up at nights. So now I get to use my rubber duckies and zombie cats late at night in my HoH room to work out strategies of how I'm going to take myself to the top in this game. I pretty much have it all set, so (outside of the saboteur thwarting my perfect plan) this should be a breeze!

Anyway, mom and dad, in all seriousness I genuinely do appreciate the letter and the gifts. I know that you still love me even if you're disgusted with my behavior. :0) Also, I have a feeling that my dad is eating this all up and is loving every minute that I get more and more devious, but he needs to act disappointed in me to appease my mother. I'm on to you, dad! It's time to be a man, stand up to mom, and tell her how super-awesome I am! ;0)

In addition to missing my parents, I am still missing my beautiful wife Stacy more and more each day. I genuinely thought it would be no problem to come into this house and shut out my "real life", but it's impossible. I think about Stacy every day, multiple times. Mostly about how she's doing, if she's happy, if she still loves me, if she's proud of me, if I'm embarrassing her, etc. I, admittedly, am playing a pretty amoral game of Big Brother. I never expected America to like me, nor did I (or do I) care. A sea full of strangers turning on me doesn't bother me in the least, but I definitely don't want the people closest to me in my life to look down on me when I get back home. I keep telling myself that anyone who really "knows" me will know that the only true part of my character in this house is the fact that I go all the way with everything I do in life, and that will "explain away" my behavior here. I am doing WHATEVER I NEED TO DO to win this game (outside of infidelity), and oftentimes it's not the type of behavior that I would ever exhibit in the real world. I worry so much that Stacy and my parents and my friends will fail to understand this, even though deep down inside I kind of know that they will get it. It's past the point-of-no-return now, though, so all I can do is play this out and keep my fingers crossed that I still have my support system when I get back home. But Stacy, if you're reading this - I love you more than anything in the world, and I cannot wait to get back home and lock away with you for days on end! I hope I'm making you proud!

On a related note, it's not just my parents and Stacy that I'm missing...it's everyone in my life. I have such a large close peer group, and it's horrible not seeing any of my friends. If I had one wish when I get out of this house, it would be for me to arrive back at home and when I open the door to my house it is filled with everybody who is close to me in my life. I would probably break down and lose it, but walking in to seeing everyone there to greet me would be an even better feeling than winning the half-million (especially if there was a cold beer waiting for me too). It's what I need right now BADLY, and I'm going to need it even more by the time I get out of this nut-hut.

Okay - if you've made it this far then I guess I can reward you with some juicy house gossip, eh? Let's start with Brendon and Rachel (who will, from this point forward, be referred to collectively as "Brenchel" for purposes of brevity)...

...So Brenchel have officially gone out of their minds. Brendon is (to the best of my knowledge) the first player in Big Brother history to actually campaign AGAINST himself! He's asking people to send him home so that Rachel can stay in this house. HUH?!? What a big dummy!!! He's got the opportunity of a lifetime here, and he's squandering it for a chick that he met four weeks ago??? Nothing against Rachel, but c'mon! It's also frustrating to see someone so blatantly give up on a shot at something that tens of thousands of other people would have killed for. To me it shows a lack of appreciation and respect for the game. His boorish behavior is also making everybody want to keep him in the house this week, just to punish him for being such a dope. I think that would be funny, and I fully support it.

Brenchel also keeps fighting with everyone. Brendon is definitely out to get me as his #1 target, but I'm not worried because... I HAVE THE DIAMOND POWER OF VETO!!!

That sounds really fancy, but actually it's kind of a burden. Sorry to disappoint, America, but I may only use this thing if Rachel ends up being the saboteur. I mean, it's just not a wise move when all eyes are on me to be the saboteur, and everyone already thinks that whoever is the saboteur has some sort of special power. If I break that out, then there's no way I can convince people otherwise (and it's already hard enough to make people believe my horrible Pandora's Box lie). Had I known the saboteur would be back, I would have spent much more time constructing a better well-thought-out story about my P-Box experience. Oh well. Hindsight is 20/20, and I'll talk my way out of this one just like I do with everything else in here. These people end up sinking themselves all the time around this house, so if I back off for a while then the target will definitely fall off my back. :0)

I'm going to put it on record here that Enzo is the saboteur. I want it to be Rachel, but (as much as I love the guy) I think it's Enzo. And that's upsetting to me that a Brigade member would accept that offer. I really hope I'm wrong about that, but I just have a hunch about this one. Thankfully Enzo is terrible at every challenge, so I shouldn't have to worry about him winning anything over me. Why oh why, America, would you vote a Brigade member as the saboteur?!? You're supposed to be on our side! We love you!!!

Well, I've written more than enough for this edition. Based on my "action figure strategy plan" I probably won't be wanting to win another HoH until it's the final five in the house, so try not to miss me too much. ;0) I am honestly and truly humbled by anyone who has made it all the way through this blog. Thank you SO much for the support - it's the thought that people care about me that gets me through the hard times in this house, so I'll have all of my supporters to thank for my victory just as much as I will myself. My thanks and apologies again go out to all sufferers of Melarheotosis (sp?), and I hope to win this half-million so that I can contribute to your research for a cure.

All my friends back home - get the keg tapped and ready for my return. I want it to be a blowout. If I win the half-mil, drinks are on me!

Mom and dad - I love and miss you, and I hope you're supporting me and my decisions.

Stacy - I am so appreciative of you having my back throughout this experience. I love you with all my heart. When I get back home, what do you say...your coffin or mine? :0)

To the rest of America - whether you love me or hate me, I think it's awesome that you even care at all. As a Big Brother super-fan myself, I think you're all fantastic and I hope we're giving you an entertaining and enjoyable season. I can't wait to get home and read all the scathing message board posts and laugh at all the Photoshops from the haters across the country! Hahah...

This is Brendon and these are my words. I would first like to tell my family and friends how much I miss all of them and love them all very much. A person never quite understands how important people are in their lives until they are completely inaccessible. Alexx, I hope school is going well and your sophomore year is off to a great start. I am missing our study sessions, our coffee and our weekend movies. I am so very proud of you and know that I think about you every day. Allyson, Mom, Dad, Katelyn.... your letter and thoughts have helped push me in this game. I am sure you were all wondering what has been going on in my crazy life, but hopefully you have seen much of it. I finally met and fell in love with someone who is everything I want in another person. Rachel is quite the handful, but an amazing girl with one of the sweetest hearts I have ever encountered and a passion for science near to my own. Joe, I hope your fight is going well and you are staying strong. Know that while I am in here you have never left my thoughts. To my friends, I miss you all. Tim, I am sorry I missed the birth of your baby, but know that I hope everything went well and I send my love. Tony, Matt, Woody, Bubs, Gary, LA, all of you guys. Meet me in Vegas when this is all over. Ashley I hope the Chirop. trip went well.

For the Fans: This week has been one of the toughest I have been forced to endure since entering the Big brother house. I came in and was targeted the first week for no apparent reason. On the block I met a most amazing individual who showed me that good people still exist in this crazy world. After only two days of getting to know me, Rachel was willing to pull me off the block should she have won the POV. Insane, I know. From the time I won the first POV to Rachel going home last week, it has been a tough battle for the two of us to stay in this house. As difficult as it has been I would do it all again in a heartbeat. I have completely fallen in love with her. While we have experienced ups and downs in this house, I have only discovered that this has proven our love to be all that much more real. I wanted the house to vote me out so she could have stayed here for longer b/c she wants to be here so bad. I would do anything for her. Since they chose not to do so, they will now have to pay. Britney and Ragan have been two of the most malicious and callous people in this game. They are my two targets when matt leaves this week. When I discovered that Rachel had been in the house the entire time I was on my 24 hr vacation, I was saddened. After I discovered all the conversations she had shared with the houseguests and how much love she expressed for me, it made me a bit happier. I am so cheesy and corny at times and perhaps a bit pathetic, but know that everyone came in to this game alone. Inside this house I not only found a best friend, but someone I would like to share the rest of my life along side. I miss Rachel every day, but I know that I am fighting for the both of us now.

Player BreakDown:

Matt: Matt has been a very manipulative character right from the start. Having called him out week 2, he was ultimately the reason Rachel went home. He is part of the trio that creates so much drama in this house and whose arrogance led to his downfall. I understand that he is fighting for his wife, which was why I wanted to keep him in here. Rachel left me a message saying that she wanted him out, since I promised to defend her honor, I must carry out her wishes. As much as I wanted to backdoor Britney and send her home, Matt did make the decision to put Rachel and I up against each other, which was his mistake. I feel bad for him, but last week none of those three in the have not room showed Rachel sympathy.

Ragan: Ragan has banked on the fact that his effeminate personality would allow him to slide through the game thinking most would believe he is not much of a threat. Week 2 when Ragan was balling his eyes out in the Have Not room, Rachel and I were the only two there for him. He was best friends with Rachel and loved her to death. By week 4 he was best friends with Kristen, the very girl who was trying to target Rachel and I. Ragan is a turncoat who has hid behind Matt and let him get all of the blood on his hands. When I won HOH this week, the first thing him and Britney did was go cry in the Have Not room b/c they remembered what jerks they were to Rachel last week. Ragan is fake and he spends his time trying to make good with the masculine males in the house, hoping to help his position once Matt is gone. Ragan believes himself to be one of the strongest players also, which adds to his arrogant and stubborn nature. Any discussion that results in disagreement will surely end with Ragan refusing to accept anyone else's point of view.

Britney: Britney is everything that a middle class person could easily come to resent. I have tried not to let too much of it bother me, but it is a struggle. She is a rich, entitled brat who has spent a good portion of her childhood competing in beauty pageants and flying all over the World, yet she touts herself as "middle class." Again, disgusting to anyone who is actually middle class. She mistreats people in the house, is rude to many and has not once picked up or cleaned anything. She is a strong player in terms of BB knowledge, but a very weak physical player. She has a good chance of making it far, but the way she treats people, no chance of winning the $500K. She is definitely my next target.

Lane: Lane is a very easy going, middle of the road personality. Very likable, but also easy to fly under the radar. I think he has been throwing comps to advance game. Rachel and I know he lied about some things to Britney, which seemed uncharacteristic. I have no doubt he is the saboteur. Furthermore, I believe him and Hayden are the long time friends. Hope he isn't mad he was a pawn.

Enzo: Absolutely hilarious, as I am sure you can see. He is not a strong player and we are trying to groom him to win quiz competitions, but I am still worried. I need him to win. I am afraid he thinks he will be able to skate by. This may work for a while, but not for much longer.

Kathy: I love Kathy for being herself. She is not a strong player and I know she had said to others that she would put Rach and I up if she won, but I think that was Kathy trying to survive. She is a sweet woman and w/o her this house would be filthy. She will make it to the end b/c everyone thinks they can beat her at anything.

Hayden: Hayden has become someone I trust more but still am wary in regards to the possible long time friendship w/ Lane. I will trust him b/c I have nobody else now. I think he is strong and believe that he knows if i go, he is next.

Forecast:

If Britney or Ragan win this week I believe I will be up on the block. It is inevitable, but essentially the witch-hunt is still afoot. This season is not about intelligent players or strong alliances, it is about everyone looking out for themselves. People throw each other under the bus like it's going outta style. I know my war is going to be a long one should I win this whole thing, but I am strapping myself in for the ride. I am representing three people; myself, Rachel and Andrew. The latter two gave their lives in this game so I could get to where I am.

Closing:

This has been one of the most amazing experiences I have ever had the pleasure of receiving. I am sad that I cannot be here with Rachel, but I know that she wants me to fight hard. I apologize to all the fans if I have appeared to be a jerk or an a-hole, but all I really wanted was for Rachel to stay, as she had wanted it so badly. I know that perhaps the two of us have appeared poorly at times, but know that it was hard feeling like every single week here, people were looking for any excuse to get rid of one of us. It was hard to keep our spirits up, especially feeling that all we had done was fall in love. After this is all over, I am hoping she will move to LA in support of my career as a Biomedical Physicist and to pursue her own career as a scientist. I am an absolutely lucky man to have met her. As hard as it will be from here on out, I would do it all again w/o hesitation. To my family and friends, I am sorry if I have embarrassed any of you, but I also trust that you know who I am. To my friends, forgive me if I left anyone out, but I did not have much time. To all the fans of the show, please continue to watch, b/c at times I especially feel that I am now completely alone in this house. When I have conversations at night in the HOH room, I am hoping at least one of you is listening. This experience is much different than it appears on television. It seems so easy and so much fun. The truth is that w/o the normal activities of a typical day, boredom and solace may easily overtake your spirit. It is 3 days at 120 mph, followed by 4 at 5 mph. It is like no other emotional roller coaster I have experienced. We miss the small things. Kiss and hug all of your family members and loved ones for me, as I am unable to do so at the present. I appreciate and love everyone who makes this show possible, especially the relentless fans that tune in every week. I hope to write you again soon. Peace to all.