Sick Day

After yesterday’s marathon migraine, I was more than ready to go to the doctor this morning. It was supposed to be just a follow-up from last month when they switched my medicines around plus I was going to get a script for some migraine medicine, because yesterday sucked. Well, I mentioned that my right ear had been kinda stopped up for the last couple of weeks, so the doctor took a look and apparently I have a severe ear infection. I had no idea. She kept messing with it and now of course it’s killing me. Love it. I went to the doctor feeling half way decent and left feeling super crappy. Since I had a fever, I decided to just take a sick day and keep my germs to myself.

I feel like everyday should be a sick day these days. Going to work and pretending that I’m “okay” is so exhausting. It’s hard to see life carry on around me when I feel like my whole world has fallen apart. My official diagnosis is postpartum depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. These “post” issues really make it hard to just live life. I’m still searching for something that will make it feel better.

Today I received my pillow from A Heart to Hold. It weighs exactly 2 pounds 11 ounces, just like our little Joshua. I held it for hours this afternoon. Last week I received my comfort bear from Sufficient Grace Ministries. The idea behind both of these is so sweet. They are handmade with love and prayers to give a grieving parent something to hold in their empty arms. They help to ease the ache, but nothing can ever take it away. That photo album sitting there next to them hold all of the photos of our sweet boy. Every ultrasound photo, every iPhone photo, they are all there. His whole life fits into one little album. I wanted to fill scrapbooks. I even bought Patrick a new camera for Christmas so we could take lots of photos and videos of this amazing year. I wanted to fill albums and DVDs with memories of him and now all I will ever have fits into one album…