Welcome back to our semi-regular weekly survey of what's going on in the several states, where all the real, true, American governmentin' really gets done, and to which all the functions of the federal government except several of those involving blowing up brown people, should immediately devolve.

We must begin in Tennesee, where Governor Bill Haslam got out of the way so he wouldn't be struck down by a massive freight train full of stupid that went past him and into the state law. Congratulations to Governor Haslam for showing the approximate backbone of a paramecium in doing this:

"I do not believe that this legislation changes the scientific standards that are taught in our schools or the curriculum," Haslam said on Tuesday. "I also don't believe that it accomplishes anything."

The same could be said for the governor, I'm thinking, since he's also decided that here isn't enough Jesus hanging from the walls of state office buildings.

But you just can't stop the stupid. You can't even hope to contain it:

In a new family life instructions bill, holding hands and kissing could be considered gateways to sex. Planned Parenthood said that allowing state government to define local sex education curriculum could backfire.

Gateways to sex? Pass this, and you might as well dig up Elvis and ship him back to Californny.

A few degrees south, in Louisiana, the state senate is taking advantage of the "teachable moment" provided by the death of Trayvon Martin to make it easier for all Louisianians of various ages and degrees of mental stability to unlimber their shootin' 'arns:

The proposed amendment by Sen. Neil Riser, R-Columbia, would go on the November statewide ballot. In cases, such as schools, where firearms are forbidden, the legislation would force the state to prove a "compelling interest" rather than a "rational basis" for restrictions - a tougher standard for the state to meet. Churches as well as educational institutions are those that might be embroiled in costly litigation over their internal policies restricting firearms from their premises under the rules.

The state has to demonstrate a "compelling interest" in keeping guns out of schools? How about, "What are you fcking high?" Is that a "compelling interest."

Also, what?

Backers of the measure say federal court rulings have eroded Second Amendment rights in the U.S. Constitution, so stringent state protections are needed.

Which ones? Where? Surely not our Supreme Court. I swear, the NRA could convince some of these saps that aliens in Mohawks from Eminiar VII are coming to get their guns, and they would pass a law that forbade the United States to enter into treaties with people from beyond our galaxy.

Meanwhile, in Michigan, people are starting to push back against the notion that they inadvertently elected Louis XIV in 2010....

McClary said the petition language is "clearly inflammatory" and Snyder probably finds it "clearly offensive" but it has clarity nonetheless. Shelton agreed. "It's a clear allegation to me," Shelton said, reading the first few sentences of the petition language that elaborate on how Snyder has "abused the children of Michigan." There was some debate about that phrase and whether it was clear on a stand-alone basis. Shelton said it was clear based on the statements that followed it.

Of course, our Founding Fathers, who would have been Rick Snyder if they'd had his smarts, would have frowned on this intemperate rhetoric:

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.
He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:
For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences
For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:
For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments.

Forget I said anything.

Out in Arizona, of course, nutball Sheriff "Joe" Arpaio is still roaming free of his handlers, although some of his friends are looking for new careers. Everything, as Mitt Romney tells us, is best handled at the local level, by people like his old pal, "Sheriff Joe."