It has come to the attention of this office that the Director of Milk Production and the Chief Diaper Changer are in a relationship. Early reports suggest they have actually been married for upwards of three years. While we have heard from multiple sources that they are a great couple that "really seems to click," it must be stressed that Twincorp is against romantic entanglements betwixt staff members. Such dalliances could lead to a rendezvous, and in serious cases even trysts or liaisons.

It should be noted, this complaint comes directly from The Twins, who allege that the two staffers not only talked about non-Twin related activities whilst on company time and in the presence of The Twins, but even went so far as to discuss plans to leave their respective posts in the middle of the day to see a movie* together.

This conduct reported by The Twins is a lapse in judgment at best, and dereliction of duty at the worst. The Director of Milk Production has one job, and one job alone: to secure the continued supply of milk to The Twins. For her to engage is such wistful and selfish behavior is unacceptable for a Twincorp employee. Similarly, the Chief Diaper Changer should be laser-focused at all times on wiping, creaming, and diapering the asses of this company's glorious founders. Thoughts of unencumbered evenings, intimate conversations, and walking through a crowd without constantly begging the collective pardon of the teeming masses due to the imposition of a twin-stroller pushing through the throng of humanity like a cudgel through a pumpkin, are forbidden.

Management requests that the employees identified herein cease to be a couple, or resign, effective immediately.

*At the time of this publication it was discovered that both staffers abandoned their posts for almost four hours on the afternoon of November 6th, 2015. In their absence, GRANDMAM, LLC, successfully attended to The Twins. When questioned as to their whereabouts, the staffers admitted they saw James Bond: Spectre. Additionally, they reported the movie had the same plot as Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation, but without the fun, excitement, or general watchability as the Tom Cruise film.