Counseling Blog - |651.605.6022| Counseling in the Twin Citieshttp://liminalspacecounseling.com/news/Wed, 14 Mar 2018 19:07:40 +0000en-USSite-Server v6.0.0-13636-13636 (http://www.squarespace.com)Liminal Space Counseling blogWhy You Need Premarital Counseling: Don't Neglect Your Ever AftercouplesAnalisa JayasekeraWed, 14 Mar 2018 19:27:19 +0000http://liminalspacecounseling.com/news/2018/3/14/why-you-need-premarital-counseling-design-your-relationship55ba7f64e4b079dd13922aba:55ba8009e4b0b2ab8b6bd5b2:5aa972fcf9619a330fd266caYou plan all the details of your wedding day down to the table scapes and
chair covers, but have you taken the time to plan your marriage?

You plan all the details of your wedding day down to the table scapes and chair covers, but have you taken the time to plan your marriage?

These days, it is easy for couples to get swept up in creating the wedding of their dreams, but when it comes to designing their marriage, it becomes an afterthought. We go to school to learn how to become doctors, chefs, business owners, and accountants, but we never learn the basics of how to be in relationship with the one person we tend to count on the most in life.

At the end of the day, your wedding is just a day long (or maybe several days in some traditions). But your marriage is for a lifetime. So start the trajectory out on a strong foundation. Once the afterglow of the wedding has dimmed and you find yourself face to face with your partner in all their glory and flaws, you want to have some skills to fall back on. Utilize the resources and knowledge of a counselor to help you capitalize on the strengths and navigate growth areas of your relationship for your wedding day and every day.

You aren’t trying to do all and be all on your wedding day. You are just trying to be the bride or groom and allow others to fulfill their roles, so that you and your partner can be the shining stars. The caterer is a master in their craft, so you won’t have to worry about making and serving a meal that day. The photographer can be trusted to take some great pictures so you won’t have to try and capture every golden moment yourself. You don’t need to hand stitch your dress, you can leave that up to the expert. In the same way, don’t hesitate to consult an expert on your relationship. It’s a well know fact among therapists that couples show up to couples therapy seven years too late. Choose to be proactive in your own relationship by getting to know a therapist and taking some time to learn new and improved ways of navigating your most important relationship in premarital counseling.

Another reason to invest in your relationship is because weddings tend to bring others’ opinions out of the woodwork. It is easy to fall back into your childhood family roles as you try to navigate the fine balance of pleasing others and honoring your own wishes for the big day. By talking about these dynamics in counseling, you can better understand yourself and your family and your partner and their family. This can help you deepen your relationships with your immediate support system and navigate sticky situations with new problem solving skills.

So in your wedding planning, don’t neglect your relationship. Your wedding day is a memorable, important moment, but your relationship is what endures long after the leftover cake is whisked away and the last handful of rice drops to the ground.

]]>Why You Need Premarital Counseling: Don't Neglect Your Ever AfterSelf Care in the New Yearmindfulnessresourcesself careAnalisa JayasekeraTue, 02 Jan 2018 17:22:56 +0000http://liminalspacecounseling.com/news/2017/12/12/self-careideasnewyear55ba7f64e4b079dd13922aba:55ba8009e4b0b2ab8b6bd5b2:5a3047570d9297fb87b659d8It is important to invest in yourself. Find out how you can add more self
care in the New Year!

We are stretched many directions during the holiday season. There are plenty of extra activities and parties to attend. Our budgets are stretched with gifts to give. Our usual routines get thrown out the window. There is more traffic and longer lines to wait in, testing our patience. We might be seeing people that we haven’t seen in awhile, people who know just how to push our buttons. There are many reasons why it is extra important to pay attention to self care as we move into the new year.

In the past few years, self care has become a bit of a buzzword and sometimes it gets misinterpreted. So, just know, self care is not being selfish. Also, it does not have to be a one size fits all. You might think of manicures and bubble baths, but that’s not for everyone. Instead, ask yourself, what fills you up? What brings you joy? If self care for you is talking on the phone to your best friend or sipping hot tea by the fireplace, then do it! And if you don’t know what fills you up, use it as an opportunity to get curious and explore what you might like.

While exploring, also think about what you don’t like. What can you say no to in the new year? Figuring out what you can take off your plate will leave room for more of what you love. Maybe you say no to the bake sale so that you can say yes to hot cocoa and a cozy family movie night. Maybe you attend only one of the three events you are invited to so that you have some margin for spontaneity.

When you imagine looking back on this year, what do you want to feel? What memories do you want to bring with you moving forward? I’m guessing it’s not stressed out and beaten down. So take some preventative action, and really lean into more of what makes you happy. Be mindful about your energy levels and your commitments. Increase self care and boundaries, so that you can be intentional about enjoying 2018.

need more ideas? Check it out:

]]>Self Care in the New YearMindful Holidays Part 2: On Lonelinessself careresourcesmindfulnessgrief & lossrelationshipsAnalisa JayasekeraSun, 10 Dec 2017 19:57:29 +0000http://liminalspacecounseling.com/news/2017/12/10/mindful-holidays-part-2-on-lonliness55ba7f64e4b079dd13922aba:55ba8009e4b0b2ab8b6bd5b2:5a2d8d910852291eaff25fc23 tips to help you beat loneliness this holiday season

Joy. Cheer. Merry. Bright.

These are all words that float around this time of year and seem to pressure us to have a good time at every moment. But for some, the holidays bring more stress and amplify loneliness. If this is you or someone you love, here are some tips to beat the blues, or at least keep them at bay.

Reach out. Sometimes we feel that we are the only ones making effort in our relationships. And sometimes this is very true, and yes, it is exhausting and discouraging. But I would encourage you to reach out again. You never know what you might miss out on if you wait around for others to reach out to you. Also, I find that more times than not, it is not personal. People lead very full, busy lives these days, and a relationship with someone getting put on the back burner is usually not because there is something wrong with you. So give your friend that you haven’t heard from in months the benefit of the doubt, and text them an invite to coffee.

Check in with a therapist. Sometimes having a place and a person you can go to and check in with can ease your loneliness. You don’t have to hit rock bottom before going to counseling. Having a space where it’s all about you can be helpful to every area of your life, and propel you into a better mindset where you are able to reach out to more people in your life.

Attend a “Blue Christmas” service. Many churches put on Blue Christmas services this time of year. It is a space for remembrance and hope for those who are lonely or grieving. Find community with people going through similar emotions and experiences. Take a chance and go, you may find a new friend or two. Here is one taking place in the Twin Cities area.

Whatever the reason is that you are feeling lonely over the holidays, try to find some joy and cheer, even if it is only momentary. Remember that building community and relationships never happens overnight, keep up the good work and you will see the reward of your efforts.

]]>Mindful Holidays Part 2: On LonelinessMindful Holidays Part 1: On Griefgrief & lossmindfulnessAnalisa JayasekeraTue, 05 Dec 2017 18:08:41 +0000http://liminalspacecounseling.com/news/2017/12/5/mindful-holidays-part-1-on-grief55ba7f64e4b079dd13922aba:55ba8009e4b0b2ab8b6bd5b2:5a26da5ec8302507c7830f10For when you don't feel like celebrating: How to deal with grief around the
holidays.

During the holidays, we are bombarded with messages of celebration and images of others gathering with those they love. But what if you don’t feel like celebrating? What if the person you wish to spend this time with the most has died?

If you are enveloped in grief as you mark another year passed of a loved one lost, know that you are not alone. Talk to someone who can relate your situation. Reach out to a therapist to help process this grief. Have a ritual for this time of year to remember the person you love. Maybe you write them a letter or you light a candle in their memory. Perhaps you take some time to look through photographs or watch videos of the person. As you are getting together with family and friends, swap stories of this loved one and pass around the tissue box. Whatever the ritual is that works for you, mark the calendar each year to set aside some time to celebrate this person’s memory during the busy holiday season.

Having the time set aside to do this may allow a holding place for your grief, so that it doesn’t feel so overpowering. As you go though the holiday season, don't forget to hold onto the moments of joy and happiness amidst your grief, even if they are brief. Lean into your full range of emotions.

]]>Mindful Holidays Part 1: On Grief30 Days of GratitudeAnalisa JayasekeraTue, 31 Oct 2017 18:12:04 +0000http://liminalspacecounseling.com/news/2017/10/31/30-days-of-gratitude55ba7f64e4b079dd13922aba:55ba8009e4b0b2ab8b6bd5b2:59f8b664e4966b73ff882614Usher in Thanksgiving with a daily gratitude prompt!

The holiday season is upon us again. As we say goodbye to Halloween, let’s welcome Thanksgiving by giving thanks every day leading up to it. Spend November cultivating an attitude of gratitude, you won’t regret it.

The simple habit of practicing gratitude brings many benefits, including:

]]>30 Days of GratitudeNovember 2016: 30 Days of Gratitude Challengegratitudejournalingmindfulnessself careAnalisa JayasekeraTue, 01 Nov 2016 20:35:17 +0000http://liminalspacecounseling.com/news/2016/11/1/30-days-of-gratitude55ba7f64e4b079dd13922aba:55ba8009e4b0b2ab8b6bd5b2:5818eb52ff7c5021847059ffJoin the 30 day gratitude challenge this November! Don't wait until
Thanksgiving to experience the benefits of gratitude!

Thanksgiving and the holiday season are upon us. But don't wait until Thanksgiving Day to start reflecting on what you are thankful for! Join in the 30 Day Gratitude Challenge. And don't worry if you are not starting on November 1st, you can join at any point and still benefit from practicing gratitude. Sign up below to get your free printable 30-day gratitude list.

Here are just a few of the many benefits of practicing gratitude:

better sleep

more positive outlook overall

improved physical health

increased happiness

decreased depression

improved self-confidence

increased empathy

improved relationships

So what have you got to lose? Sign up below to join in the 30 day challenge today and get your free printable! Keep up the habit all year to continue receiving all the positive benefits of an attitude of gratitude!

Join in the November 2016 30-day Gratitude Challenge

]]>November 2016: 30 Days of Gratitude Challenge3 Tips for Successful Gratitude Journalinggratitudejournalingmindfulnessself careresourcesrelaxationAnalisa JayasekeraSat, 22 Oct 2016 17:39:15 +0000http://liminalspacecounseling.com/news/howtogratitudejournaltips55ba7f64e4b079dd13922aba:55ba8009e4b0b2ab8b6bd5b2:580a4456f5e231d0f4b7e60b3 tips to set you up for success in gratitude journaling.

Thanksgiving is quickly coming upon us, and many people take this time of year to reflect the on the things they are thankful for. I would encourage you to take your thanksgiving one step further, by writing it down in a journal. Read on for three ways to set yourself up for success in gratitude journaling:

1. You don't have to write everyday to reap the benefits.

You've done it before, gone out and bought a fresh, new journal with the best of intentions to write everyday. Well, now that journal, with only three entries, is squashed under a pile of books somewhere gathering dust. And you are left feeling like you failed. Well, the great thing about having a gratitude journal is that you don't have to write everyday. Feeling freer? In fact, some say it might be better not to write in it everyday. So get yourself a journal, start today, and know it's okay if you don't write tomorrow!

2. Pair it with something you already do daily.

To get in the habit of gratitude journaling, use happiness author Gretchen Rubin's strategy of pairing. This means you pair your journaling with a habit you already do each day. Pair you gratitude journaling with your morning cup of coffee or put it by your bed and do it at night, right after you set your alarm for the next morning. Journaling the things your are thankful for doesn't have to take much of your time. But by developing this habit for a few minutes a few times a week, you are investing in your wellness.

3. Reread old entries.

When we remember something, we can evoke the same feelings we experienced when the event was actually happening. So, by rereading your gratitude entries, you can fondly look back on the things you were grateful for and conjure up those positive vibes. Maybe last winter you were thankful for your ocean view, so close your eyes and visualize the waves lapping the shore and hear the seagulls calls. Feel those positive emotions all over again. Your gratitude journal gives you direct access into many positive emotions, so open it up when your having a down day. Reliving those happy moments will give you all the more reason to continue the habit.

If you have never had a gratitude journal before, now is the perfect time to start reaping the benefits. Remember, don't get discouraged if you don't write everyday, pair it with a current habit, and be sure to reread old entries every once in a while for a happiness boost. Leave your own tips about what works for you in the comments below!

]]>3 Tips for Successful Gratitude JournalingWhat Parenting & Ice Cream Have in Common...Family LifeparentingmotherhoodAnalisa JayasekeraTue, 04 Oct 2016 20:07:39 +0000http://liminalspacecounseling.com/news/perfectparentmyth55ba7f64e4b079dd13922aba:55ba8009e4b0b2ab8b6bd5b2:57f40596be65942f41837b40Find out what ice cream and parenting have in common... parenting in the
age of perfectionism.

image credit: https://unsplash.com/@hannahmorgan7

Just like there once was a time when there were basically only three flavors of ice cream (chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry), there also used to only be a finite number of sources from which you could get parenting advice and wisdom. These resources were generally your parents, your doctor, and the one or two parenting books that everyone owned. Things were simpler then. Now we have unlimited flavors of ice cream and unlimited sources of parenting advice and information. This is overwhelming and causes parents to constantly second-guess themselves. Therapist and author, Esther Perel, said we are “parenting in the age of perfectionism” and it ain’t easy.

Do you ever get decision fatigue or analysis paralysis when you walk into the ice cream shop? You want to make the perfect choice and you find yourself sampling two or three flavors before deciding. Then you finally sit down with your ice cream and notice you didn’t see that they had chocolate brownie fudge oreo marshmallow! You immediately regret the ice cream you chose. You sigh and scroll through your phone, only to see that your friend Lucy is currently eating dark chocolate covered cherry almond crunch at the new ice cream shop down the street. You realize you first mistake was showing up at the wrong ice cream shop. If only you had known...

The above scenario can play out, only change out “ice cream” for “parenting advice and choices”. Things were simpler when there were only three choices of resources and people didn’t know what they didn’t know. The internet has given us access to so much knowledge, as well as an in depth look into how everyone else is parenting (or how they appear to be parenting). This has upped the levels of comparison, which increases fear, feeling like a failure, and guilt. Not to mention the speed at which technology is propelling our world forward. We don’t really have a frame of reference for what our children’s experience will be like when they are adults. There is no longer the wisdom of passing on of the family trade to your children. We lack the grounding that comes with knowing exactly what you are preparing your child for.

So what do we do about this overwhelm? We certainly can’t (and maybe don’t want to) make all the choices and resources go away. (And let’s face it, The Tonight Dough by Ben & Jerry’s was a gift to ice cream flavors). Here are three tips to help with the dilemma of parenting in the age of perfectionism and unlimited resources:

What works for you, does not work for everyone, and that’s okay! Just because someone else is doing it different, does not mean you are doing it wrong. So do what works for you and your family, and let Lucy do Lucy.

Be flexible. What works for one day, month, or season, may not work forever, or may not work for your second born. Being flexible in your parenting will take you far. Go back to the drawing board if something is not working and don’t put so much pressure on yourself to figure it all out. We are all learning.

Realize that you are a good enough parent, and you are exactly the parent your child needs. So just be you, and prioritize your relationship with your child and you both will win.

So when faced with all the things, take a deep breath and listen to yourself. You know what’s right for you and your child in this moment. Parenting in the age of perfectionism is not about being perfect, it’s about showing up and figuring out what’s working today.

When I attended Postpartum Support International's training on Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders, one helpful takeaway is the fact that we all go thorough "seasons of giving" and "seasons of receiving". And new moms, without a doubt, are in a season of receiving.

Getting into the mindset of being in a season of receiving is not always easy for women. Often, women in our culture, are socialized to give and to put others' needs ahead of their own. There are both implicit and explicit messages for women, and they often involve putting others' needs first, while ignoring or downplaying your own needs. I talk with many moms who feel guilty when they invest in themselves and their own needs. They feel it is selfish and self-indulgent to take time for themselves. On the other hand, men generally do not have any trouble asking for what they need and getting their needs met. I have also heard of men encouraging their partners to go and do something just for herself, but this suggestion is met with resistance due to the woman’s feelings of guilt. Self-care is not selfish. So banish the guilt, and know that by taking care of you, you are then able to be a better mother and partner.

This shift that self-care is not selfish may not come overnight. Many moms to newborns still feel this pressure and drive to be meeting everyone else's needs, especially with the addition of a new baby with lots of needs. Our culture offers no rituals or "lying in" periods for postpartum women. Instead, new mothers are expected to "lose the baby weight" and bounce back. Though postpartum doulas exist, they are often out of reach financially for many moms or frown upon because mom should be able to "handle it" herself. New mamas, remember you are in the season of receiving. It's okay to decline entertaining guests, leave the dishes in the sink and skip vacuuming. It's okay to ask for help with laundry, house cleaning, and caring for the little one or the other children. Chances are, there are people in your life who are in their own season of giving, who want to help you, and would happily help.

So don't be afraid to ask for help and enter into your season of receiving. Be gentle with yourself and allow your needs to be met and supported by others during this postpartum time. It will go oh so quick, and yes, you will again enter into a season of giving. But until then, allow yourself to receive, mama.

]]>Postpartum Permission to ReceiveHit Reset on Rest this Septembermindfulnessrelaxationself careAnalisa JayasekeraTue, 30 Aug 2016 16:42:32 +0000http://liminalspacecounseling.com/news/fall-retreat-rest-relax55ba7f64e4b079dd13922aba:55ba8009e4b0b2ab8b6bd5b2:57c5b0c1b8a79b13306cbc75Learn how to hit reset this fall and prioritize relaxation. September
invites us into new beginnings and the seasons of fall and winter call us
to rest and retreat.

The month of September brings new beginnings; it can be a time to hit reset. The school calendar begins, the seasons shift. Gretchen Rubin, writer on the themes of happiness and good habits, writes on her blog, “September is the new January.” Rubin argues that September is a great time to start new habits, and that this back-to-school time brings about space for self-evaluation, reflection, renewal, and possibility. I agree with Rubin and I encourage you to start something new this September by making rest and retreat a priority.

As the season is changing from summer to fall, you cannot escape the signs of this shift. There air is becoming crisper and there is the crunch of leaves underfoot. The earth all around is letting go of the old and preparing for the adjustments and retreat that winter brings. So, you too, can reflectively shed some of the old noise, and mindfully embrace some new habits of rest. Embrace the transition this fall brings and its invitation to rest and retreat.

This season of fall moving into winter, calls us to slow down. To prepare for what’s to come. This can be challenging in a world that moves so fast paced and glorifies busyness. With children back at school with new activities and homework, it can feel like we have even less time. But I would encourage you to prioritize time for rest, for whitespace, for sabbath. We aren’t meant to constantly go, go, go. Your mind needs break, to bask in silence. Silence helps release the tension in your mind and body and relieve stress.

In order to cultivate silence, you should find a quiet place. It can be outdoors or indoors, whatever feels inviting and comforting to you. Turn down the volume of the external stimuli that you can control, no TV buzzing in the background or earbuds blasting in your ears. Try some deep breathing. You may find when outer noise is extinguished, your internal volume turns way up. This is okay, don’t judge yourself too harshly for this. Instead, observe the thoughts and let them go. It is normal to have a mind that wanders and chatters incessantly. The key is bringing yourself back to the silence, again and again and again.

With the new beginning that September brings, prioritize rest and retreat. I invite you to schedule in these times, starting small. Observe what this quiet time brings and how it feeds you.

]]>Hit Reset on Rest this SeptemberUNbalance Your LifemindfulnessparentingFamily LifeAnalisa JayasekeraFri, 05 Aug 2016 22:06:07 +0000http://liminalspacecounseling.com/news/worklifebalance55ba7f64e4b079dd13922aba:55ba8009e4b0b2ab8b6bd5b2:57a507269f745640fd5407a9Looking for that perfect work/life balance? Look no further! Read up on how
to UNbalance your life.

There are these ideas floating around out there… they say, “You can have it all” and “You can do it all” and “You can find that perfect work/life balance”. Well, I’m going to go ahead and burst this bubble.

Mama, you can’t have it all.

Father to two under two, you don’t need to “man up” and do it all.

Part-time working mom of three, you will never find that perfect work life balance.

Now, everyone just take a deep breath. And go to work UNBALANCING your life. Tip the scales towards MORE of what makes you happy. MORE of what makes you laugh. Less work, MORE play. MORE time with those you love.

There will always be work. There will always be those mundane tasks that come with managing a household. There are butts to wipe and mouths to feed and laundry for days. But you do not need to strive any longer for that unreachable “work-life balance”. This sets up an image of ease, that there is an attainable goal of having the perfect proportion of work to the perfect proportion of life outside of work. Our time is not equally divided. Life and work are not units to be measured and weighed. They are certainly not found to level the scales. So. Let’s. Stop. Trying. Because it is exhausting. It’s an expectation we can never live up to, and unmet expectations lead to negative feelings.

So look for little ways to unbalance your life and add in more good, less stress.

Say yes to spontaneity every once in awhile, even when it doesn’t seem practical.

Put away your beeping pocket office (aka smartphone) for an hour and just be

Here in the Twin Cities, summer is often like one big holiday. People emerge from the woodwork after being shut in all winter to enjoy the many lakes and parks around and take advantages of the longer days with their loved ones. However, despite the celebration that summer is, it can be easy to find that fall comes all too soon and you didn’t get to all the warm weather things you wanted to. So, instead, this summer come up with a bucket list of fun things you want to experience with your partner. Here are three motivating reasons why you should make this happen:

A bucket list helps you to be intentional and mindful. How many times do you turn to your significant other and ask. "What should we do tonight?" and then you spend the next half hour trying to come up with something, only to settle on staying in and watching shows again. A bucket list incorporates mindfulness and intentionality. The activity of creating a bucket list itself can bring you and your partner closer together. You get to hear what your partner thinks would be fun for you do together. You may find yourself being surprised at what s/he comes up with. You get to voice what you want to do and have the opportunity to be mindful of planning out new experiences for you to have together. In this day and age, it is so easy for us to get so busy that we lose track of finding time to do things we really want to do. With a bucket list, when you find you have a free moment together, you can go to right to it and create fun, new memories together.

You can practice compromising with your partner on your bucket list. Perhaps when creating a bucket list, you may realize that you are comparatively landing on very different places of how you want to spend your summer. Instead of bashing your loved one’s ideas or getting defensive, use this as an opportunity to practice compromising and to stretch yourself out of your comfort zone. Being able to be flexible or meet in the middle in a relationship is very important, as many relationship issues require this. You will go camping if she will try rollerblading. She agrees to the outdoor jazz concert if her partner is willing to try the new sushi restaurant. You may be surprised at how much you enjoy the activity you thought you didn’t want to do… or it may confirm your original feeling, but maybe you find enjoyment in seeing how happy it makes your significant other.

A bucket list can help you cultivate play in your relationship. Play has become a lost art in our culture, which glorifies busyness and hard work. Forgot how to play? Include some of the following on your bucket list: Move your body in new ways. Go to an animal shelter and play with the puppies. Try out the water park slides. Take your nieces and nephews out for ice cream and a trip to the park. Find things to laugh about together. Laughter plays an important role in relationships, don’t take yourself so seriously all the time. Humor can be an important repair tool when you are having a disagreement as well. By creating a bucket list that includes activities that will incorporate play and laughter together, you will create new experiences and inside jokes together. You can reference these memories again and again to keep the laughter alive and well between you and your loved one.

So get started with your partner on your summer bucket list today. You won’t regret taking the time to intentionally and mindfully create a list that includes things you both enjoy and cultivates play and laughter in your relationship. Happy planning!

There are so many details that go into planning on wedding. There are many decisions to be made, some significant and some seemingly insignificant. When it comes to making the decision to attend premarital counseling, take some time to consider it. You might not remember all the different flowers that made up your bouquet or what color the programs were, but chances are, you will still be utilizing some of the skills you learned in premarital counseling years later. So when it comes to your wedding budget, don’t forget to invest in the future of your relationship.

Here at Liminal Space Counseling, the Premarital Counseling package includes six counseling sessions and the PREPARE/ENRICH Inventory. PREPARE/ENRICH is the number one research based couples assessment that covers 12 relationship scales to determine a couple’s strength and growth areas, personality scales, couple and family maps, and more. Consider the following three reasons why you should attend premarital counseling:

Premarital counseling utilizing the PREPARE/ENRICH assessment can reduce your chances of divorce by as much as 30%. Sometimes having a third party present can reduce the anxiety of talking about hard stuff. Even if you are not initially thrilled with the growth areas that come up on the inventory, by talking through the issues in counseling, you can improve your relationship and communication. Most couples find they significantly improve the majority of the categories in the inventory and their overall relationship satisfaction after attending just 3-5 premarital counseling sessions.

You can increase your communication skills and conflict resolution skills. When married couples are seeking counseling, communication and conflict resolution come up over and over again as the main reasons behind why they are seeking counseling. It never hurts to boost communication skills and have more tools in your tool belt when it comes to resolving disagreements. After all, 70% of all communication is miscommunication. There are bound to be bumps along the road with your partner, and having practical skills to handle issues that arise can make all the difference.

In Premarital Counseling, you and your fiancé can celebrate the strengths you bring to each other as well as share your past, present, and future successes with one another. The PREPARE/ENRICH inventory is great in that it highlights your strengths as a couple, not just your growth areas. It can be empowering to get feedback about your compatibility as a couple and emphasize where you and your fiancé work really well together. Premarital counseling can be a space where you slow down in the midst of the busy season of wedding planning when stress can be high, and face your partner. A space where you can tell them what you appreciate about them and how they enhance your life. It can be a space to reminisce about the past in retelling your love story and remind each other what drew you to one another in the first place. Finally, premarital counseling can be a space to dream about the future, such as family planning, buying a house together, or future dream vacations.

So don't forget to add Premarital Counseling into your wedding planning and invest in the future of your relationship in order to reduce your chances of divorce, increase communication and conflict resolution skills and focus on your strengths and successes as a couple.

Contact 651-605-6022, analisa@liminalspacecounseling.com or fill out a form today to schedule your Premarital Counseling in the Twin Cities. If you complete Premarital counseling, you will qualify your for a discount on your marriage license! Click here for more information.

This week is Teacher Appreciation Week, so I thought it would be fitting to focus the gratitude prompts around teachers in our lives and the various ways we learn and acquire knowledge. Whether we are learning from a formal teacher or informally through a book or friend, the opportunities we have to learn and grow are abundant and something to be thankful for.

If you have't already done so, fill out the form below to get your free gratitude prompts. Practicing gratitude has so many benefits to your wellbeing, and these prompts make it easy to reflect on things to be thankful for.

]]>May Gratitude Prompts5 Mantras for the Overwhelmed MamaMaternal Mental HealthPostpartumself careresourcesmindfulnessparentingmotherhoodAnalisa JayasekeraFri, 08 Apr 2016 00:26:31 +0000http://liminalspacecounseling.com/news/overwhelmedmotherselfcare55ba7f64e4b079dd13922aba:55ba8009e4b0b2ab8b6bd5b2:56eb22cd1bbee0b5b5435d6b5 mantras to help you get through the day with little one(s) when you are
feeling overwhelmed.

1. I AM A GOOD ENOUGH MOTHER.

It's the truth mama. Don't measure yourself against Facebook feeds, insta-highlights or pinterest-perfect. You are doing great. What your child needs is you and you are enough. Don't be afraid to show your child your imperfections, to talk about how you make mistakes too. To sometimes show your tears and say, "Mama gets sad sometimes, too". You are a good enough mother and you are a great teacher in these moments to your little one.

2. This won't last forever.

The minutes can feel like days, especially when you've been up since 5am...but scroll back to a picture of when they were tiny and new. You will see this won't last forever. Babies don't keep. They grow from tiny to big, sometimes seemingly before your eyes. So you can be there for another minute, another hour, you can get through another difficult day, because this age and stage your child is at won't last forever.

3. ALL I HAVE IS THIS MOMENT.

So juice it for all it's worth. Be present with your child. Smell their hair. Feel their warmth and the weight of their little body curled against you. Notice their breath, the rising and falling of their belly. Study their eyelashes and little lips, hold their little hands in yours. There are no guarantees in this life, so treasure this moment for what it is. Be present with your baby.

4. I'M SHOWING UP FOR SOMEONE WHO NEEDS ME.

Though it can feel overwhelming. Even though you may feel touched out and like you just need some space. You are the very person your little one needs right now and you are amazing for showing up. For investing in this little one. You are showing up to rock, shush and swaddle, to feed again, to change another diaper, to kiss scraped knees, to wipe tears, to read another book, to bathe, to hug and hold tight. You are doing good work, Mama. Good. Hard. Work.

5. I AM MAKING PROGRESS IN THE PROCESS.

What you are working on today may not be what you will work on next week. And chances are you have made some progress. Notice it. Notice the baby steps. Sure, you may be repeating "We don't throw food" multiple times per meal to your toddler, but you no longer have to deal with baby's immature digestive system and fussiness that results from lots of tummy troubles. Whatever is happening today is a part of the process, only a piece is the puzzle. When you are so close you can lose sight of the big picture. Mama, don't forget that you are creating a masterpiece. You are making progress in the process.

As April begins, take some time to consider your possessions and practice gratitude by giving thanks for all that you have. Sometimes we do not realize everything we possess and how it impacts our daily life. In fact, research shows though we may experience an initial boost in happiness with a new possession, but we then adapt to it and our satisfaction declines. Fill out the form below to get your free gratitude prompts to help you be more mindful and give thanks for all the possessions you have and how they make your life easier.

]]>April Gratitude PromptsWhen Your Child is a Stranger...Maternal Mental HealthparentingPostpartumgrief & lossAnalisa JayasekeraSun, 13 Mar 2016 20:24:25 +0000http://liminalspacecounseling.com/news/yourstrangechild55ba7f64e4b079dd13922aba:55ba8009e4b0b2ab8b6bd5b2:56e5c8c3d210b8a4c7f4bebaWe welcome our children as strangers and with this comes loss as well as
surprising joy.

It is not often talked about in parenting how our children come to us as strangers. We don’t know what they will look like, what their interests will be, or who they will grow up to be. We welcome our children into our families as strangers. We can prepare for them physically by making space, preparing a place for them to sleep, and prepping clothes and diapers for them to wear, but there is only so far we can go in preparing from them mentally. We mentally hold conscious and unconscious expectations for what parenting our child or children will look like. Our ideas of who they are do not always come true. When that happens, there is a sense of loss. Loss of the parent you expected to be, and loss of the child you expected to have. However, there is also an element of surprise in the strangeness of our children that can produce joy and pride.

Experiencing your child as a stranger and the losses that come with parenting may not be something you have considered. You may feel you know your child well. It may have taken some time, but you figured out what his different cries mean. You know her smell and how her little hand curls around your finger. His little expressions become familiar and you are able to identify his emotions. You know which toy she likes the best. You are right, you do know your child well and you are an expert on him. But, coupled with the knowing, there is also a sense of not knowing. There is always more to know and discover about the stranger that is your daughter or son as their personality unfolds and they develop their own identity. You find yourself wondering who she is and who will she become? Will she be a soccer star? Will he create amazing art? Will learning come easily to her?

As you get to know your child more, you may be surprised and even disappointed by some of the parts of them that show up. Maybe you dreamed of long walks around the lake wearing your baby in a carrier, only to discover he hates the carrier and screams whenever you have tried it. Perhaps you have fond memories cuddling your mom and thought your child would be the same. But she won’t sit in your lap for more than a minute and prefers some space between you. You had dreams of family road trips, but your child detests the car and gets car sick. You thought you would be the parent that fits the baby’s schedule around your schedule. But you find yourself on on house arrest everyday for morning nap time. Welcoming your child in all their strangeness can sometimes be exhausting and involve loss. Loss of the identity of the babywearing parent, the mama with the cuddly baby, the adventurous road-tripping family, or the flexible, unscheduled parent. Loss of the dreams you had watching soccer games or braiding hair. It is okay to feel the losses. To grieve those expectations that did not materialize and remain unmet. To experience the sadness as you witness your friend babywearing her cuddly daughter as she is preparing to leave for an impromptu road trip.

But you don’t have to stay in the sadness. Because even though your child may not meet all your expectations, they also can surprise you in some amazing ways. Take the time to nurture these surprises and feel the joy and pride it brings you. Take credit that you are doing a good job raising your child. You are indeed the parent they need, even it it feels strange at times. Maybe your child isn’t coordinated enough to be the basketball star you thought they would be, but they are an amazing writer. You may not know much about writing, but you can welcome that gift in your child in all its strangeness and give them the space and tools to let it blossom and grow.

So lean into the strangeness and the surprises of parenthood. Author Henri Nouwen once wrote, “Our children are our most important guests, who enter into our home, ask for careful attention, stay for a while and then leave to follow their own way.” So be curious about who they are, giving careful attention to the strange things about them that initially surprise you. Live in the liminal space, the in between space, of intimately knowing your child and of experiencing them as a stranger. Feel the losses and feel the joys.

March can be a time of renewed hope as we watch the world around us coming back to life after being dormant through the winter. Awaken your senses to the beauty of nature around you through practicing gratitude with respect to nature through this month's daily gratitude prompts. This can help you calm down and destress and make you more aware of the beauty that is all around you.

If you are not on the list yet, fill out the form below to get the FREE gratitude prompts pdf. Practicing gratitude helps you notice what's already going good in your life right now. Don't forget to confirm your subscription (check your bulk folders if you don't see it right away).

Note: This challenge has ended.

]]>March Gratitude PromptsTaking Care of Your Marriage After BabyMaternal Mental HealthgratitudeparentingresourcescouplesAnalisa JayasekeraMon, 29 Feb 2016 19:04:00 +0000http://liminalspacecounseling.com/news/2016/2/28/taking-care-of-your-marriage-after-baby55ba7f64e4b079dd13922aba:55ba8009e4b0b2ab8b6bd5b2:56d37ba68259b5396835ec3eThe quality of marriage often goes down after couples become parents. Learn
some tips to take care of your marriage in the transition to parenthood.

You may have heard that the research shows that for the majority of couples, the quality of marriage goes down after having a baby. Sometimes simply knowing this can be helpful in navigating the transition to parenthood. It is okay to miss what you used to have, but at the same time you can discover your new normal together and continue to invest in one another and your marriage.

Here are four ideas to keep in mind:

Talk through your expectations. Much of your experiences are riding on the expectations (whether conscious and unconscious) you have for them and whether or not they are met. It is not uncommon for couples to have unrealistic expectations for what caring for a baby is really like. Oftentimes it is their first real experience bathing, feeding, diapering, and soothing a newborn. Lots of time is spent preparing for the labor and delivery, but there is very little emphasis on practical parenting skills. This can leave couples feeling overwhelmed, surprised, angry, or like they are failing when they experience what it is really like to bring baby home. So talk (and keep talking) about your expectations around divisions of household labor, tending to the baby’s needs day and night, who’s going to shop and cook as you adjust to a new baby in the house.

Continue to invest in your relationship with your partner. This may be challenging to navigate first with a newborn, but you will soon discover a new normal. At first, you may not be able to or may not want to go on long dates where you leave your baby in someone else’s care. But just because your dating life may look different, does not mean you can’t invest in one another. Have an at-home date while that baby is sleeping. Be intentional about making it a little more special by lighting a candle, getting take out from your favorite restaurant, or enjoying a special dessert together. Put away screens and focus on connecting as a couple. If the baby interrupts the moment, don’t get discouraged. In fact, expect that it may happen and be pleasantly surprised if it doesn’t. Know your dating life will evolve as your child grows.

Continue investing in yourself as individuals.In marriage, it is still important to pursue your own interests and attend to your own needs that may be different from your spouse’s. This allows you to come back to your partner filled up and invest more in the relationship. As much as we would like it to be true, our partners cannot be everything to us in all things. It is important that we maintain our unique identity as individuals in the face of a marital relationship. You only have so much energy that is spread across yourself, your relationships, and your contributions to the world. So in order to balance this energy exchange, you need to fill yourself up through self-care in order to bring a better you to your marriage and your parenting. This can be especially hard for mothers, who often report feeling guilty or selfish if they take time away from their families to get a pedicure, enjoy some quiet reading time at the coffee shop, or to spend some money on new clothes for themselves. But the reality is, by taking time to care for yourself, you are going to have more to give in your relationships and you will be a better spouse and parent.

Practice gratitude with each other. If you are intentional about thanking your spouse, even for the little things, it can make a huge difference. It can feel silly to say, “Thanks for doing the dishes” when you have talked about it and you expect that your spouse does them. But it can make a difference in your relationship. The more you practice gratitude with you spouse, the more you notice the things they are doing well. You will be more likely to give them the benefit of the doubt when challenges arise instead of jumping to negative conclusions.

By implementing the above ideas, hopefully you and your spouse will continue to grow in your marriage and as new parents. If you are experiencing extra challenges and stress in your relationship, please reach out and get help from a counselor. Contact me: analisa@liminalspacecounseling.com or 651-605-6022

]]>Taking Care of Your Marriage After BabyHow to Meet Mom FriendsparentingMaternal Mental Healthself careresourcesAnalisa JayasekeraWed, 24 Feb 2016 03:34:18 +0000http://liminalspacecounseling.com/news/2016/2/23/how-to-meet-mom-friends55ba7f64e4b079dd13922aba:55ba8009e4b0b2ab8b6bd5b2:56cd214df699bb184b5a32a8Being a new mom can be lonely and isolating. Get some tips and
encouragement on how to meet some new mom friends!

If you are a new mom sometimes you naturally have mom friends already built into your life. Other times you may find yourself to be first of your group of friends to be having kids or maybe you’ve just moved to a new area. Where should you go to meet some new mom friends? Here are a few ideas to get your started:

Mommy & me classes. If you are local to the Twin Cities, there are plenty of classes like this. You can look into ECFE (Early Childhood Family Education) classes, mama and baby yoga, classes put on by childbirth educators/centers, music and art classes, stroller walking, swim lessons and more. Just do a search to see what’s available in your area. This is a great way to meet other moms with babies and young children.

Local kid-friendly hangouts. Check out malls with children’s play areas, community centers, and library or bookstore story times. Don’t be afraid to chat with the moms you find there, you never know who could be your new best friend! If you have seen a mom multiple times or your kids just seem to click, ask if she wants to grab coffee or enjoy a enjoy a picnic lunch after a storytime.

Search online for local meet-ups. There are some online sites that post local meet-ups for moms. One example is meetup.com. Or if you love a particular parenting blog or podcast, check and see if someone has organized a local meet up in your area. People attending meetups are looking for friends too, so be intentional about getting to know some moms once you get there. Don’t be afraid to exchange numbers so you can set up future play dates.

Some advice along the way:

Don’t get discouraged. If the first group you go to was a flop, try out a new one. If you experienced rejection, try not to take it too personally. Oftentimes, it was about them and not you.

Keep initiating. Chances are there are other moms at the places you go to that are feeling lonely and isolated. But you don’t need to wait for them to come up to you. Go ahead and say hi and see where it takes you.

Expose yourself to lots of new people and situations. Making mom friends can feel a bit like dating and sometimes that means exposure to lots of different moms in different situations until you find your “match”.

Feel free to weigh in below with your suggestions or stories of how you met your best mom friends!

If you are experiencing overwhelming sadness, anxiety, or insomnia postpartum you could have a postpartum mood or anxiety disorder. Reach out and get the help you need by contacting Analisa today at 651-605-6022 or contact a local counselor in your area.