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Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 88

Day 580: I am still stuck in this dungeon. Lusipurr still forces me to write about Steam Greenlight games every week, but I have no heard from him in a few days. Twice a day, once in what I assume is the morning and once at night, an unknown hand sends food for me through the slot in my dungeon cell door. I fear I may never escape from this hell. I just heard some sort of loud boom and then complete silence. What is going on here? As always these reviews are written with 100% bias and without playing the “games” in question.

Yes, look at this screenshot that really showcases the OUTSTANDING GAMEPLAY!

Wow, a Halloween-themed game just in time for mid-August… Seems about right for Steam Greenlight. Honestly, I am not really sure what this game is all about. It seems to be some sort of Diablo clone with a Halloween twist to it. But even the twist is not very Halloween-y. I guess that is a word? You play as a wizard trying to stop a bunch of Halloween decorations from attacking people. So we kind of have a Nightmare Before Christmas thing going on too. Either way, this game looks like garbage. Why is it being released in mid-August? Why not wait a couple months and release it in October, you know when Halloween actually happens? I also really like that the trailer and the screenshots are doing a “self review” of the game. “Outstanding gameplay” is showcase, but who decided this? Is it the developers just assuming players will enjoy the game play? I mean, since it looks exactly like Diablo I could understand that. Diablo had some pretty awesome gameplay, but the developers of this game cannot take credit for that. But they probably will anyway.

Okay, before we start this entry I am going to give you all a few minutes to stop laughing. I know saying “internets” is a hilarious meme, but c’mon. Keep it together. This is serious business…. *snicker* I am sorry, I just cannot help myself. I mean, “internet” is a singular phrase, so saying “internets” is just hilarious! This is probably the funniest game to ever come out of Steam Greenlight. As always, it just is not a true “Steam Greenlight Round-Up” without at least one of the games made in RPG Maker. This is some sort of board game where the player has to find the internet. So funny and random! Wait, I am sorry. My mistake. The player has to find “internets!” Hahahahahaha oh man it just keeps getting funnier and funnier. There is something about a game made in RPG Maker that makes me just completely apathetic towards it. I mean, I do not even want to finish this “review.” This game is garbage. What else is there to say about it? Other than how nobody will ever play this and, with luck, this will never see the light of day again. One can only hope.

I am not sure where Little Red Riding Hood went off to, or why she must now return, but I recommend she just goes right back to where she was. Not only is this some stupid visual novel, but it uses crappy 3D models. Why? Who in their right mind decided that making this was worth their time and effort? This game looks like it should have come out ten years ago. Even then it would have looked out of date. How can this even be an “enhanced edition?” What was “enhanced?” Were the graphics before just hand drawings by some five year old kid? “Find out the real reason why Wolf attacked Red Riding Hood’s Grandmother.” Maybe because it is an animal and it was hungry? Idiots.

Best Comment: S7: “Maybe hire an artist instead of using bad 3D models. The second picture with the woodcutters looks like she’s going to get raped.”

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6 comments on “Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 88”

I just heard some sort of loud boom and then complete silence. What is going on here?
Jesus Christ you’re as bad as the NSA. Like we told them, everything is fine. And anyway the radiation leak is completely under control.

I also really like that the trailer and the screenshots are doing a “self review” of the game.
They are trying to steal your job!

Okay, before we start this entry I am going to give you all a few minutes to stop laughing. I know saying “internets” is a hilarious meme, but c’mon. Keep it together. This is serious business…. *snicker* I am sorry, I just cannot help myself. I mean, “internet” is a singular phrase, so saying “internets” is just hilarious!
I had to get up and walk away from the computer because I was laughing too hard. Oh God, TOO FUNNY. lol. I mean really. “Internets”? LOL! ahhhh

I am not sure where Little Red Riding Hood went off to, or why she must now return, but I recommend she just goes right back to where she was.
That picture is legitimately hilarious.