that’s what she said (6.11.11)

Some good reads on the web this week. Click on the title to read the whole thing.

Wito: It was fun! We played with dinosaurs and…(Sarah’s brain: OMG OMG IS THAT PASTA SAUCE ALL OVER HIS FINGERTIPS? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO GET THAT MUCH PASTA SAUCE ON THE HANDS WHEN USING AN EATING UTENSIL? HE IS GOING TO WIPE HIS HANDS ALL OVER THE NEW DINING CHAIRS, ISN’T HE? OH, THERE WENT ANOTHER NOODLE ON THE FLOOR. HOW MANY NOODLES ARE DOWN THERE? WHAT DO YOU THINK THE RATIO OF FOOD-IN-MOUTH TO FOOD-ON-FLOOR IS? 1 IN 5? 1 IN 15? . . .”

“I survived sleep training and potty training mostly unscathed. I've gone through the terrible twos, and the more terrible threes. Twice. But I am not sure I have yet experienced anything as daunting, in my short years of parenthood, as working the school carnival.

“Though I consider myself to be a caring person, our San Francisco weekend pointed out my limitations and contradictions. As soon as we stepped into Union Square, I automatically shifted into "city mode," focusing only on keeping the kids close and avoiding potential risks. I didn't even realize that I'd ceased to be present to the dignity and suffering of the human beings around me until Lemlem started shooting out questions:

Mom, what happened to her legs? Mom, is that guy okay? Mom, why didn't you give him any money?

In every case, I realized with shock that I'd failed to even see the person she was talking about.”

“Then I realized that this choice we made is the same choice we’ve been making. It’s the same choice we made when we decided to get married at a young age. It’s the choice we made when we decided to be one of the first out of our friends to have kids. It’s stability over versatility, commitment over freedom of choice.

“It’s been a couple of years, and so of course looking back now I can clearly see what I should’ve seen then. But I was drowning at the time, and a drowning person can’t see past their own flailing arms, fighting to keep themselves afloat, fighting for air, for life. That she stopped calling, making any effort, during the time when my life was falling apart around me and I needed her friendship more than I ever had. How could I not see that? In my blindness, I still reached out to her – I so desperately needed her support, love, and understanding that nothing registered that should have. I couldn’t see the trajectory, because I still loved her. I still referred to her – frequently, and to many – as one of my best friends. I feel ashamed, humiliated, thinking of that now.”

“I am rapidly realizing, though, that I have One Parenting Thing which makes me Hulk-like with rage. There are obvious situation, sure, like seeing kids not properly restrained in moving cars, or parents smoking all up in their kids faces, but this, while not life-threatening in any way, still makes me have uncontrollable, angry-judgy eyes. I speak of parents taking their kids to horrifically inappropriate films. By way of background, I grew up with relatively strict parents. I was only allowed to see PG-13 movies once I WAS 13, and even then -- EVEN THEN! -- they had to vet them first. With that in mind, though, is there any reason you can think of which explains why two seemingly mentally sound parents would take their baby and toddler to a 10:20 PM showing of The Hangover II?”

“Comfort and safety began to feel like a noose around our necks. Everyday, as our eyes were more and more opened to how most of our fellow human beings live and what the Bible says about that, that noose grew tighter and tighter. We were suffocating on our own selfishness. I still struggle everyday with selfishness and the tension of having more when others have so little. But it no longer feels like a noose, it is no longer suffocating me. Obedience has brought freedom. We are living simply and resting in the knowledge that God has us right where he wants us.”

“I couldn’t believe it. This child development center is the largest in the world. More than 700 children are served by Compassion through this center. I picked one folder out of many. One page out of hundreds. One child out of dozens. Randomly. And that child happens to be sponsored by my friend, Kristen Welch, who traveled with me to Kenya to blog about Compassion in 2010.

So, Kristen, I think this magic trick was for you. And your family. Don’t ever doubt that your generosity is being stewarded well by the staff at child development center PH238. Here’s the proof!”