Helping Wounded Christians Heal

Christian “Narcissism”

Refer to STEP 6: I made a commitment to turn away from my pride and refused to become just like those who abused me.

No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true.

—Nathaniel Hawthorne

A surprisingly large number of narcissistic men and women lead major Christian ministries. Because their unique “Christianized personality disorder” is not easily recognized, these men and women routinely abuse those they have been called to serve. As part of their disorder, these leaders never recognize or acknowledge the true nature of their wrongs or the consequences of their behavior, which influence every aspect of their ministry.

They behave ruthlessly, while calling it God’s leading, misleading many in the process. Their egocentric worldview allows them to embrace a mind-set, which equates their will with God’s will. From their perspective, the two are one and the same. Because their calling is higher than others, they consider themselves to be more important, and act accordingly. To them, what they think and say carries more weight than others. Leaders like these actually feel contempt for people who don’t agree with every word that flows from their mouths.

By the message they preach, they would deny this but, by their actions, they validate it consistently. They rarely admit wrongdoing because they never believe they are wrong, which is integral to their disorder. They not only lack empathy for others; they don’t even understand what it is.

What makes people like these so difficult to recognize is that they have great empathy for “the lost”—for nameless, faceless people, who are idealized and not tangible. While loving the lost, however, they are quite willing to trample upon anyone who gets in their way to reach them. Narcissists love loosely defined groups rather than real people because they are incapable of dealing normal interpersonal relationships. It’s the idea of helping people they love, not getting involved in the lives of ordinary human beings.

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with himility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself. (Philippians 2:3)

3 Responses

The danger of a “steps” recovery is the myth that a “ritual” or “self journey” can save us. Jesus is the gate for the sheep pen all other ways in are “theives” and “robbers”. We cannot change ourselves, never, ever, EVER!!! We can only submit to God and allow his word and spirit and people to change us. It is truly not about us. “he saved us by His own glory and goodness” “not by works so that no man can boast”, “speaking the truth in love we will in all things grow up into Him who is the head.” “Humbly accept the Word planted in you which can save you” “not by might, not by power, not by wisdom, but by my Spirit, says the Lord”

Hey Jack,
This was an excellent read and very helpful. Having lived as a pastor’s daughter my 23 years I’ve known quite a few leaders which exhibit these EXACT behaviours.
Being taught to love, sympathise, and sacrifice for others, my character is, consequently, a gentle one and it has been a source of deep guilt and shame to me when my integrity and motives have been condemned by these ‘great men’ whom I trusted, and for many years I’ve punished myself for constantly not measuring up. Ignorance is not bliss and having lived a subservient life I couldn’t comprehend that they could be anything but divinely inspired & myself vainly selfish. I became insecure, developed a stutter, and hated my own weakness.
I have know the very best sort of men and not ALL Christian leaders are narcissistic, nor am I in any way faultless, but some people cannot be pleased and when we view them as God’s representatives their disapproval carries a heavier weight.
Understanding narcissism has lifted a weight of confusion, shame, and pain from my shoulders, and every day is brighter in the knowledge that not everything is my fault. My heart breaks for those who unknowingly cause such pain to those around them . Thank you and I wish you every success!