Getting married to a kind person

I am never tired of telling people the advice my father-in-law, Bishop Michael Marioghae (now with the Lord) gave to my wife Carol, when she was sixteen years old. The advice was that, she should start praying for a husband, who is born again and also, naturally kind. To start praying for a husband at age sixteen sounded funny to Carol, but she tried her best to keep to it. When twelve years later I met her for the first time and got wedded thirteen years after her daddy’s advice, Carol felt and still feels that I am a kind person. And from time to time, she keeps giving praise to God for giving her the husband whom she says is naturally kind.

I would suggest to singles, who are kind to look out for this quality in any person they want to get married to. I would also suggest to parents who are kind to also search out for this quality in the lives of the people who want to get married to their children. They should not allow their eyes to be blinded by gifts. But how do you know the person you are about to get engaged to or already engaged to is kind?

Over the years, I have found out that some innocent looking girls, who later became rude, crude and cruel to their husbands and in-laws had before they got married showed one sign or the other of their unkind nature, but the man was either love blind or simply disregarded the warning signals. Imagine a man telling his fiancé about certain things disturbing his mind in connection with his place of work and all the lady says is: “is it this little thing that is disturbing you? You better grow up to be a man o.” Certainly, this is not a kind woman. She is not a helper. Or imagine a lady, who, during courtship wants all love and attention focused on her, but will not do the same for the man and his loved ones. This is a typical example of “trouble wey dey blow whistle.”

Personally, I don’t like keeping dogs or pussycats as pets. But imagine the case of a lady who has a dog as a pet and the man who wants to propose marriage to her comes on a visit. The puppy playfully comes near him and he grabs the little dog by the neck, squeezes the neck and throws it against the wall saying, “I hate dogs.” That is a clear sign that that man is not naturally kind. I cannot imagine a naturally kind man behaving this way. Not liking dogs does not mean you should be wicked to them.

Once a lady notices that the man she is about getting married to is aggressive and does not care a hoot about her feelings of sadness and joy, that may be the example of a man who only cares about his own feelings of sadness and joy. That certainly will not make a kind husband. I have seen many born again married people who were not kind during courtship or kind at all while married.

It is so because they have not allowed the love nature of God, which was imparted to them at the new birth to govern their lives. Being born again, therefore, does not mean that someone is automatically kind. He is only potentially kind, but as we know, many die without developing their potentials. Love should not be blind, it should see.
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