Monday

Maybe Next Time You Will Live On The Moon

I don't know if I told you guys but, I'm moving. After much deliberation and a few vodka tonics, I decided it's time to say goodbye to the ol' apartment and move to a house for the sake of my beasts.

(Walking four dogs three times a day when you live on the second floor is harder than holding in your gas after a trip to Taco Bell.)

Because I just returned from Paris, and because I signed a lease that required a sixteen hundred dollar deposit, it's safe to say my money well has run dry times a thousand, and my formerly fabulous self has been reduced to a life of TV dinners and cheesy romance novels. I was bored to bloody tears as I stalked myself online yesterday and changed my banner for the hundredth time when I ran into my traffic sources. Real people actually searched for the following and found my blog, much to their disappointment I'm sure.

After flushing my confusion down with a glass of pinot, I decided I wanted Chinese. I ordered chicken lo-mein and egg rolls from "Mr. Lee" and thirty minutes later it arrived. I don't know if it's because it didn't come from a box or I was beyond ravenous, but Mr. Lee can come over and cook for me anytime (delicioso!). I polished off my noodles in ten minutes and excitedly opened my fortune cookie. Its message was precisely the subject of this blog post.

Seriously. It couldn't have been any of the following?

No. This cookie was mocking the very essence of my present existence.

Maybe next time you'll live on the moon, loser. In the meantime there's no hope for you so just hang yourself and call it a day.

I promptly ripped my fortune in half and flushed it down the toilet, sitting down with my glass half full (of pinot) and turning on the television.

Hate to be annoying optimistic glass half full girl, because really I do, but this sounds like an excellent fortune. Your new place will be so out of this world amazing that maybe your next place WILL be living on the moon =)

How is that a real fortune, I call bullshit, Mr. Lee. Maybe we should join Newt's moon colony in a couple years. Maybe it'll be like Alaska where they pay you to live there. Just a thought. Still another month til you move though!! Exciting stuff.

I think all fortunes should be like that, with only a few nice ones in the bunch. That would be more realistic. If anything, they could say things like "you have rice stuck in your teeth" and everyone would be freaked out by the accuracy.

What does that fortune mean? Is it one of those sayings that just lost the meaning in translation? Your fortune cookie makes my head hurt.. I better have a glass of wine. Or two .. And a nap .. Yes. That should help.