The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Halloween is by far my favorite! I don’t know if we can call it a holiday (?) so I’ll just stop at favorite.

I love everything about it, including the scary movies.Just last week, I watched The Strangers….at home… all by myself.It wasn’t bloodcurdling but I could have sworn I heard someone knock on my door in the middle of the night and I waited, listening for “Is Tamera there?”

My favorite scary movies are:

1.High Tension

2.Texas Chainsaw Massacre

3.House of 1,000 Corpses

4. The Devil’s Rejects

5.Amityville Horror

Honorable Mention:Night of the Living Dead.It scared the crap out of me because the beginning of the movie’s “storyline,” said it occurred in Louisville, Kentucky, my hometown!!!! Yep, still won’t watch it!

What are your favorite scary movies?

***** 12:02 pm ***** Adding one additional: The Serpent and the Rainbow…. If you don’t know, google it!

Today, join us as we take a vey-ccceehhh-sion (workcite: Jeezy) from deep posts…. As some of you may know (or don’t), I’m a huge Jay Z fan.

This right here, Jay Z \”Excuse Me Miss\” is one of my favorites; it so sexy. This song takes me some where else; to a dark lounge where the men are in suits, (and have stable 401K plans! LOL), I have on my black thigh length dress, 3 1/2″ stilettos and I’m swirlin’ my hips on the dance floor, all by myself, while hypnotizing CHOCOLATE SEXY, who is standing over at the bar.

Matter of fact, the phrase, “Excuse Me Miss,” will get you my number a LOT faster than “AY!”

What’s your favorite Jay-Z song? What pick up phrase works on/for you? Have fun with this.

Here’s another guest post for you guys, from our favorite we just found out what you look like fellow, NoMoreHeroes…we hope you enjoy!

Its pretty interesting to think about how you believed today was going to be a regular ho-hum day when you got out of bed, although now its midnight and you are sitting naked in the apartment of three average to below-average looking fully clothed women playing some bullsh*t card game they made up in order to get you out of your clothes, while the fat one is aggressively screaming about how she wants to “see someone f*** somebody”. I get the feeling that has only happened to me. Moving along.

I think one of the most beautiful parts about life is that any decision can change your life. I often talk about this to the girl that I am seeing (Prospective Girl Friend or PGF as she is called by those bloggers in the know). We met one holiday at a friends gathering. Although we both had known the same people for years, we had never met or even heard of each other. That day, she wasnt even going to stop by. She only decided to come after a last-minute call from her cousin asking her to stop by, and she figured she might as well since she was already out and about. I wasn’t going to come to the gathering either, but decided to make the long drive just because I was bored. At the gathering me and PGF really didnt talk much, partly because I was getting drunk out of my mind. As the liqour took control I decided to ask my boy to hook me up with PGF, which is also something I never do, because I dont usually take interest in women who have close relationships with my friends. After my boy gave me her number, right before I passed out, i used my last final moments of awareness to call and have a drunken, slurred convo with PGF, setting up a date in the next few days. Although all those random decisions seemed pointless, they resulted in a growing relationship between two people thats getting stronger by the day.

I know for certain that last year I did not think that I would find someone that I would care about and appreciate in that way. As I get older I am finding myself in situations that I did not believe I would be a part of in earlier years. I remember saying that I would never get involved with a married woman, yet not too long ago I was in an affair with a married woman. Things happen, and we end up playing a part in events we wouldnt have thought we would be in, for better or worse. I can name plenty, but I’ve talked long enough. What about you? In regards to dealings with the opposite sex, what situations have you been in, or things that you’ve done, that you swore you would never do?

“I wish I could rip out a page of my memory
Cuz I put to much energy in him and me
Can’t wait til’ I get through this phase
Cuz it’s killing me
To bad we can’t re-write our own history”

It’s well known that I’m the psychologist among my friends (which is probably why I’ve decided to make a career out of it).

Anywho, last night I was counseling talking to one of my friends and she recently parted ways with the father of her unborn child. She told him that she was tired of loving him. After she told him that, he couldn’t understand. He argued back that he loved her, even when they argue CONSTANTLY… He questioned how one could be exhausted from love.

I knew exactly what my friend was talking about. I have been there. I love tempestuously one moment, forgiving and staying throughout the bull, then, one morning I wake up with a renewed “Energy” and before you know it, I’ve sprinkledyou with fairy dust and packed my stuff up (figuratively) and left. I love myself too much to lose myself.

What about you? Do you understand what my friend was saying? Have you ever found yourself in a situation where love was taking all of “Energy?”

After numerous conversations with various people, I’m extremely interested in the concept of an open relationship, herein defined as:

A relationship in which two people agree that they want to be together, but can’t exactly promise that they won’t see other people too. Basically, to have it all: a significant other and the freedom to hook up with other people. Common during college for many post-high school relationships.

Well now that we have a full definition let’s talk about this for just a moment please. Many people in their mid-twenties to early forties are walking around talking about they want to be in an open relationship. WTF? You’re an adult and you cannot make up your mind whether or not the person you have is fully worth it or not? You feel that you need to continue to date and sleep around. Now as my friend pointed out people who are in these types of relationships often want to have their cake and eat it too. They want to have someone with whom they’re in an open relationship with and then there’s likely someone who they want to belong solely to them. This concept seems wholly ridiculous to me. Why in life would I ever want to think well he’s with me, he spends nights here and he can go ever there with her, but as long as he comes home to me it’s cool. That doesn’t even make sense. There’s too much going on out there for you to think you can just go back and forth and sleep around. Furthermore, even if you are not sleeping with multiple people I think it’s selfish to feel like you can have more than one companion in a full capacity. This is not to say that you should not multi-task that @ss. Get your date on, but don’t have people thinking they’re your one and only when you have like 20 different mates.

So how do you good people feel about open relationships? Are they a go? Do you feel you should have a person’s undivided attention?

A while back, Eathan wrote a post “How Soon is Too Soon” in regards to a single parent introducing their children to their new boyfriend/girlfriend. I have been mulling this over in my mind since that post. Most of my exes have children but I am wondering going forward how comfortable am I dating men with children. For me it’s a toss up. I go back and forth between saying that I am okay dating a guy with kids to saying that no I really don’t want to date a man with kids. At this point I am still somewhere in the middle because there are pluses and minuses to both.

Growing up, I wanted to have 100 kids and be a rich New York City lawyer. My plan was that my mother would care for my children. This was all before I ever babysat and really knew what it took to take care of children. As the years have gone by I have gone from wanting 100 children down to being happy with the idea of being a step mom. I am truly frightened by the idea that a child’s upbringing and well being are 100% in my hands. I have decided that maybe later in life when I have all of life’s mysteries figured out (ha-ha) I will possibly adopt, however for reasons we won’t get into (because they have nothing to do with this post) no matter what I will never give birth to a child

My biggest concern comes in the fact that frankly I am very selfish. I am getting to the point in my dating life that I am tired of not being #1 and with that being said dating a man with children puts you at least at #2 depending on the number of children he has. If it doesn’t – is he someone I want to date? Not really. If I date a man with children I want him to be a large part of his children’s life unless there is a very good reason for him to not be which I have found there to be very few good reasons. And if the man I am dating isn’t a part of his children’s life because he chooses not to or doesn’t make an effort – well I really don’t want to date a man like that? That answer is easy – no.

On the flip side of that there is something about a strong man who takes care of his children that can melt my heart in seconds. I am big on having a close family (I wish mine was closer) and I have a very special relationship with my dad. To see a man that values his relationships with his kids reassures me that he is probably a family man and will probably be able to take care of me in our relationship. Yes I can survive on my own but as Jac said the other day I need a man to be the yin to my yang. Settling with a man that already has children also lessens the chance that he is going to want me to have children and raises the chances that he is going to be happy with the fact that if I do ever have my own children they will be adopted.

So as I said before this one is still a toss up for me. I could date a single childless guy and make sure that I can be his #1 or I could date a guy who has children and have my heart melted every time I watch him with his children or hear them talking about them. I think for now while I am just dating I will try to stick to guys that don’t have kids but once I am ready to truly settle down I am pretty sure I want a man in my life who is raising his children and doing it with all his heart (leaving just enough room for me). I am not saying I won’t date men casually that have children; I am just saying I think my preference will be men w/o them.

There are obviously other reasons to date or not to date men with children but these are the two biggest arguments for both sides for me. Yes I am leaving out the issues with “Baby Mama Drama” because frankly if he cant handle his “baby mama” in a fashion that doesn’t create drama well then he isn’t ready to be dating other women.

So I pose the question to all of you single ladies and gentleman… what do you prefer and why?

Humble inspired this post from our discussion yesterday on, The Comeback Girl, where we yapped about making a list of your Wants and Don’t Wants in a mate, in one of our well known “off topics.”

I was intrigued to find that men also make lists and actually plan what they want. Heck, I thought all men needed was someone who cooked, cleaned, screwed like a rabbit, and kept her mouth shut during football.

Although I have a mental list, it might behoove me to start writing these things down…. Here’s what I have so far:

Wants (in no particular order)

Stable, verifiable, taxable employment

Nice teeth

Sense of Humor (I love to laugh!)

Baptist and striving to improve relationship with God (EVERYONE can improve!)

Active in church (pew sitting is not an activity.)

Handsome

Sense of style (Please throw away the tall socks.)

Diverse interests

Intelligent

Honesty

Comfortable with emotions (Just one of the things I picked up from an ex. )

Don’t Wants

Gold teeth

Children (say I’m selfish, but I want to be first)

Nasty Disposition

Selfishness

Inability to follow directions

Unwillingness to follow directions

Chauvinistic

CONSTANT Negativity (we all have bad days but it CANNOT rain on you all the time!)

A few of the items on my Don’t Wants are negotiable, for instance, the children…. Depending on the man, I can accept a child, but I cannot accept kids from Dari’on the Deadbeat or Simeon the Serial Daddy.

My list is far from complete, but like Donnell Jones, “I don’t wanna booooore you with this…..”