Hoffman: UK bemused at interest in Morgan

SUNDAY MAIL DELIVERY

I thought it would be worth providing some feedback from over here as to the bemusement the UK has with America's current fascination with Piers Morgan.

Has no one on your side of the Atlantic wondered why he has suddenly popped up on TV, why he is available for hire and why he is so enthusiastic about working in the U.S.? Has it got anything to do with him being sacked from his position as editor of the Daily Mirror in 2004?

I wouldn't say the U.S. is completely fascinated with Morgan. After a strong opening night with Oprah Winfrey, his ratings have taken a long walk off a short Piers. I give it six months.

Your column about Houston being great rocked! Sure we have bugs, heat, humidity, gangs, traffic and drugs. We also have Discovery Green, taco trucks, gay-pride parades and festivals out the wazoo. Sure we're fat, but we're happy. That's for putting it in words for the whole world to see. I hope you got Googled a zillion times and a billion forwards, too. I cut the column out of the Chronicle, and it's on the front door of my office.

Why no information on your motor-scooter rides lately? When you become a true biker, you will not worry about the heat and cold. Harley riders know that no matter how cold it is, the uniform of the day is a black T-shirt.

I don't ride my scooter when it's below 60 degrees. I am a delicate flower, definitely not a Harley guy. My favorite thing about riding my little Italian scooter is when a tough biker on a Harley approaches from the other direction. Until you get near me, it looks like I'm on a regular motorcycle. The Harley rider flashes me the sign — two fingers pointing down - representing the two-wheels lifestyle. Or something. When the Harley rider passes me and realizes I'm practically pedaling a Big Wheels toy, I can see the disappointment in his face. He wasted the sign on me.

Why do TXDOT and the county and the city all insist on spending their time and our money installing signs telling me and other drivers about "Guard Rail Damage Ahead"? What is a driver supposed to do with that information - vow not to run into the damage? I promise you I'm not planning on running into the railing, damaged or not - and I'll bet others aren't either. Why not spend that time and money actually fixing the damaged guardrail?

I prefer to be positive. I had to get new license plates because my car is 7 years old. I was told by the friendly lady at the supermarket that I had to get them at the county tax office. Have you seen the lines there? Luckily, readers told me I could get my plates by mail. I did that. The plates arrived about two weeks later. I probably didn't see the registration sticker in the envelope. So I clicked on the tax collector's website and sent an e-mail asking if they could send me another sticker. Usually when I e-mail a government office, I figure my e-mail winds up in outer space. But not this time. I got an e-mail back, with the name and phone number of a real-life human being who handled my problem and is sending me a new sticker. Now, if they can only fix that damaged guardrail on the highway.

I moved to the Houston area one year ago from Cleveland, Ohio, and I will admit that Houston has a great zoo, museum district and other things that Houstonians should be proud of. However, I will also say that I never saw such a filthy state as Texas. I have driven throughout the country, and I rank Texas No. 1 in filth. All the interstates and side roads are littered with debris that is either being thrown out of car windows or has fallen off garbage trucks. Where is the pride in Texans? Why don't the state and cities keep it clean? Image is everything; if I would have looked more closely than I did, I would have never moved to Texas. So if I see all of this mess, don't you think other people from the north (with all of their retirement money) who are looking to relocate to a warmer climate see it as well? Who wants to live in a pig sty?

The state of Texas should have the motto, "IF YOU LIKE THE SLUMS, YOU WILL LOVE TEXAS."

A little harsh, but I do see your point. Other states are neater and tidier. It's not just the highways. I am on the warpath with people who put their garbage on the curb before pickup day. It's like the curb is their private garbage dump. If I ran the show, they'd get one warning, then a ticket for putting their garbage out early. It's beyond rude to make your neighbors look at your garbage on the curb. It's such a simple thing, but some people just don't care about their neighbors.

Here I go again, buying tickets to a show online and feeling my blood pressure rise. I just bought four tickets to see Joe Ely playing at Rockefeller's as a fundraiser.

I agreed to buy them for $48 but paid $51.80 (including service charge) when said and done. I filled in the required information myself, and I had to print the tickets. Nothing will be coming to me in the mail, and no human was involved on their end. So I just paid almost 16 bucks for nothing. Gee, thanks. What a scam.

- Sam Weeke,Houston

And if I ran the show, I'd get rid of outrageous service charges when no service was rendered!

So you think that the Food Network's ratings are off because of food programming on other cable channels? Well, maybe, but what if those viewers are just watching college football, pro football or, like me, learning to backpack with my scouting son?

I love to cook, but I watch the Food Network less and less as time goes by because I'm bored with it. I can catch Alton Brown on Food Network.com, look up recipes, etc. I don't need to watch the Food Network on TV. The Food Network is out of new ideas, or the new ideas just aren't any good. So, Ken, you are basically off base on this one.

- Brooks Davis,Houston

You can DVR any show. You can watch most shows on the Internet. You can watch complete episodes of The Office on www.nbc.com. So that can't be the reason the Food Network's ratings are a little rare these days. And there can't be a shortage of new ideas or recipes because every time I visit the book store, there are 20 more cookbooks on the "New Releases" table. I think it's got to be those copycat food shows on other networks. But, as Dennis Miller says, I could be wrong.