The deep, long, often interrupted lines tell the story of a woman who’s been fighting all her life to understand the journey she is on. Up, down, up, down, long, short, straight, crooked – stories they all tell. Stories of hardships, stories of love, a story of a mosaic not yet completed. Deep lines of strength, short lines of indecision. Oh, the stories they tell. Slim fingers holding the key to a future forged in the struggles of the past. An outsider might never understand her or the portrait her feminine hands now paint. All the token signs of resistance are gone – calluses, dry spots, cracking, scars – every single one, disappeared. Like a mouse disappearing into a labyrinth behind a drywall at the sound of a feline. The softness is deceiving, the tenderness inviting.

I sat there staring at my hands trying to make sense of what everything meant. Thoughts designed to appease a restless mind in the dark of night. Next to me laid a man I did not love, usurping the place of a man I once did. I said to myself – it would be so much easier if I could make myself care for him. If I could see him the way he sees me. But deep down, I knew it would never be. My hands reminded me that I’ve been here before; I knew what would come, the demons I would face. Life isn’t always fair and some things aren’t meant to work, no matter how badly we want them to. You give, you build and you endure only to see yourself lose a part of you in the process. But isn’t that what happens when you love someone? Aren’t you supposed to give them a piece of your soul? A piece of you, you’ll never get back. Because that’s what happens when you love someone- they take a piece of you with them forever. Those thoughts don’t make this pain less suffocating, less disgruntled. I turned to him and said – I got work tomorrow. I have to get some sleep. And I immediately saw the disappointment in his eyes. His lips curled, his brows furrowed, his deep brown eyes waiting for that moment when I realized that I wanted him to stay. That moment never came.

I walked him to the door and wished him a safe night. He grabbed me in his arms and held me tightly. The embrace of a temporary lover who knew this was the end. I wouldn’t be calling or sending the – hey, what are you doing – at 3am text. The happiness in his voice which filled my room hours ago was now a somber echo in my hallway as the darkness of the night wrapped itself around our bodies. A small knot dug itself in my chest and from it branches of guilt grew in every direction. He’s a good man. He deserves better. Goodnight, we said. And off he went into the night, never to be my clandestine release again.

I needed to feel something, anything. That was my justification. I am human after all and a tricky part of humanity is that we long to feel something, no matter how fleeting that feeling might be. An emotional connection, permanent or temporary, that reminds us that we are capable of being more than what we are at that very instance.

That’s the night it began – November 2012 – my journey of self discovery. That’s when I decided that from that moment on, I would be completely and unequivocally selfish. I would make room for no one else in my life until I learned to be undeniably and utterly in love with myself first. How could I give myself my all if I was dealing with someone else? No! No more guys, no more dating, no more giving. I’ve been giving to others my whole life; it was time to only give to myself. That’s the thing about heartache – it can make you or break you – as cliché as that sounds. You either rise above the pain or let it consume you. The first step was admitting that I, too, was responsible for my current situation. The choices I made, the path I chose to follow are what led me to this point and I had no one but myself to hold accountable for that. I knew better and I still continued down that road. That’s on me. Not anyone else. Me. People have a tendency to blame everyone else, or someone else entirely, when something goes wrong. That’s what we do because it’s easy. It’s much harder to hold yourself responsible for your part in the failure. Because as amazing as we think we are, we too must take part of the blame. No one comes out of something completely clean. In order to grow, you must reflect and take responsibility for who you are and where you are. I finally began to do that.

The lonely nights came fast and furious. The days filled with thoughts of yesterday. It wasn’t easy but it was manageable. What I missed most was the feeling of meaning something to someone, the intimacy, random laughs, knowing that someone sees something in you that most people never get to see and isn’t scared off. The vulnerability. I missed that. I missed the sides of me that I never really show; I missed how I was during it. Well, the rosier parts of it. Shit, I even missed the bad parts. Yea, I admit it. I even missed the bad parts because I felt that it was something that was ours and no one else’s. My days were now mostly filled with remnants of yesterday. And that’s the part that sucks. How do you replace something that took up such a large space of your daily life? How can you truly be happy when that source of happiness was now gone?

Date!!! Meet other people!! Make new connections. That’s what we are programmed to do. Find happiness with someone else. There’s a million fish in the sea. Go put on your Sunday best and try to make a connection with someone who might not even be in your life in 3 months. And if that doesn’t work, well, there’s someone else right around the corner. There’s tinder, there’s match, there’s Facebook and Instagram. There are a million ways to find someone but not a single way to find someone. But wait!! You have to be careful – you can’t say too much too soon, you can’t feel too much too soon, you can’t be yourself just yet! And sex? When does that happen? You don’t want to sleep with them too soon but you don’t want to wait too long. Go like their IG pic, go comment on their FB post but not too much. You don’t want to seem desperate. Oh and you don’t text first. No, they text first. And wait a few minutes – like 15 – to text back. You need to be aloof and make sure you give off the cool girl vibe. All these rules, all this energy, all this shit just to be “happy”. Because being lonely sucks and you can’t possibly be happy if you’re alone. Nah, that’s something lame people tell themselves to make themselves feel better. The best experiences in life are those you share with the one you love. God, this is painfully exhausting. I truly hate dating. It’s the worst.

So I asked myself – What is happiness? What makes YOU happy? And that’s when I decided that I would not sleep or deal with anyone else until I was at a point in my life that my real happiness was never dependant on someone else. My real happiness would come from within me. I would be the love of my life. I would be the source of my happiness. And that’s exactly what I did. I became celibate. Not because sex is bad. God, no! It’s wonderful. I miss it every single day. Almost 2 and a half years and I still want to do it every single day because being one with someone, being connected on that level is wonderful. And let’s face it, it feels fan-fucking-tastic. No, I didn’t want to waste any energy on anyone else but me on this journey. I didn’t want to have to take care of someone else, be with someone else, grow with someone else, evolve with someone else because that meant that I would take away that energy and focus off me.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Wait, you’re celibate! Bullshit!! No way. You’re so full of it. But ask yourself – how much do you know about me? How much do you know about anyone really? Social Media is a farce. People tell you what they want you to know. With the exception of one of my friends, no one knew. I even lied to some of my closest people about it because I didn’t want them knowing, I didn’t want the questions about it. My own Doctor was against it. She would say – No no Ana, you need to drop this. This isn’t healthy. Not kidding. I have the most loyal and understanding friends on the planet but they too want to see me settled down with a good dude because they love me and think that’s what’s best for me. They think it’s time for me to take that next step. But I’m wired differently, my idea of happiness and fulfillment is completely different than most people and I finally understand that that’s perfectly OK.

So the follow-up question – why are you sharing this now? Because I want people to understand what I have learned in my journey so far – your happiness is your responsibility, your happiness comes from you not someone else. Your happiness comes from being able to be alone and still love and enjoy yourself. Loneliness will come, it’s not just going to disappear because we are human and we crave emotional and physical connections. That’s normal. I have my bouts with it. But, while I’ve been on this trek, I have accomplished things that I never thought I could, I have found strength that I never thought I had. My relationships with my family, my friends and my God are stronger than ever. I finally love myself entirely because I took the time to discovery who I am and what I truly want. You will never be truly happy unless you truly love yourself. Not by only looking for that love in someone else. It has to come from you. It has to be built by you. It isn’t easy, it isn’t fun but it will change your life. And once you have that unbreakable love, you will then find someone who you can genuinely share that love with. Who you can build a strong foundation together. A real foundation. Because they will know who you are and have to love who you are. Because you love you and won’t be afraid to be you, flaws and all.

And if for some reason it doesn’t work, you still have a great love in your life – yourself. Two people who are independently happy make happier couples – that’s a fact.

I’m not saying that these things cannot be accomplished with a loving partner by your side. I’m sure they can. That is a blessing if you have it. And I pray that you continue to flourish together.

But in my instance, I had to be alone to learn to really love myself. And because of it, I am in the best and happiest place of my entire life. And that is invaluable. My love is real. My hands are a testament to that.

I witnessed the stabbing death of a woman in front of me. It was a moment in my life I will be pressed to forget. Her dark hair stained in the deep scarlet waters gushing out of her neck. Her eyes focused on a point beyond our consciousness. A man standing over her dripping in the lifeline of her existence, almost like a prized Matador admiring his victory over a beast. From the dark underlying of a car, I quietly wept for this stranger and her untimely demise petrified that he might suddenly turn around and notice the owl eyes – frightened to death – documenting the actions of the devil within him. She slowly moved her head in my direction as a cold sweat ran down my face. Can she see me? Does she know I’m here? You’re not alone I whispered almost praying that she could hear me. As desperate terror swept thru my veins, my eyes were fixed on her face – beautiful, innocent, undeserving of this ending. Big brown almond eyes, deep in sorrow, big full pink lips, tainted with red, a lipstick she never intended to wear. Skin as white as milk losing more its luster with each passing second. I laid there wondering who she was, why this happened, how little I could actually help her. But the most terrifying thing of all? I liked it. Her death just made me feel alive. More alive than I’ve ever been…

I’ve never felt normal. Even in my most comfortable state, I’ve always felt like I was never entirely part of what others were doing around me. For almost 30 years, I’ve fought against my own feelings of inadequacy and strived to fit in. Fit into the schedule that life dictates for us – go to school, graduate, get a good job, meet someone, get married, have children and build a family. Be a wife, be a mother, be like everyone else. That’s the prescription for life, right? Build yourself then give yourself to other people. The one thing that I keep asking myself even as I write this is – when did I stop dreaming? When did I start wanting what everyone wants? That perfect life, that perfect family, the perfect job, the expensive house, the expensive car. Is that really what I want? Is that what my life is supposed to amount to? Some people strive in a life of normalcy. To them, this is what life is supposed to be and what life ought to be. They strive in the ordinary nuances of life. They excel in doing what is expected of them. They, unlike me, have it figured out as I sit in a corner jealous of their success.

The thing with me is that I’ve never felt entirely satisfied. I’ve loved people and still felt empty. I’ve been loved and still felt a void. I’m good at my job. I make 6 figures when some of my friends are struggling to get by and yet I feel a profound boredom; a boredom that money or vacations can’t seem to fulfill. Some might call me selfish, ungrateful or even idiotic for feeling this way because I’m entirely blessed and find myself in a position that a lot of ppl are fighting to get to. But what is life if you don’t take risks? An endless loop of monotony. I don’t want to live like that. I don’t want to look back and regret a single day of my existence. I’m tired of having my yesterday look like my today and looking exactly like my tomorrow. Some people are OK with this, some are great at this and most are better than me at this. Me? I can’t. I can’t continue to feel like a sheep in an endless, never-changing pasture. They say that the only person who holds you back from your destiny is you. You are the creator of your future. One day, long ago, I stopped dreaming. One day, long ago, I stopped believing. And ever since then I’ve been a walking zombie going thru the motions of the every day. I no longer wish to do that. I, for the first time in almost 30 years, have begun dreaming again. If your dreams don’t scare you, they’re not big enough. I finally feel like I’ve awaken from my slumber. I’m finally beginning to really feel alive.

In a few months, I will be packing my bags and heading off into the unknown. Am I scared? Absolutely! But I told myself that I would never let fear cripple my vision. Do I know what I’m getting myself into? Hell no. Do I know I will succeed at whatever I end up doing? Abso-fucking-lutely. I never leave room for failure in my life. I fall down 7 times, I get up 8 times. I’m about to go grab life by the balls and it feels good as hell.

For weeks I was debating with myself about it. Two sides at constant war, screaming for acknowledgement and me stuck squarely in the middle. One kept telling me that I had to let go, it wasn’t good for me. It only did me harm. The other telling me that for the first time in years, I was actually feeling something. I was human after all. I cared. I had feelings; someone had finally broken thru the armor. This was no easy task- you could break into FortKnox before you could crack me. I’m an ice queen after all. I’m not gonna lie – it felt good. It made me smile, it made me cry. It turned me into a fool and it turned me into a Queen. That’s all it really comes down to – I finally felt something. Even if I lost focus, direction and reason, after years of pretending, I finally really felt something real.

I walked into work that morning feeling uneasy, a strange dread. Not sure why. It was this empty, nauseating feeling in the pit of my stomach. Felt like I hadn’t eaten in days. I couldn’t shake it. For days it’s been happening. Barely any sleep, sadness, fear, an overwhelming feeling of lost. The universe was talking to me but I couldn’t understand what it was trying to say. Snap outta it!! What the hell is wrong with you? Wake up!! I kept screaming at myself as I slowly made my way to my desk. My breakfast sits there, staring back at me, asking to be enjoyed. It just went cold. Barely touched. Great. You paid $8 for this omelet and coffee and you wont even eat it. 8 fucking dollars. Eat it!! But I couldn’t. I just sat there pretending like I gave a shit about work when in reality my entire being was somewhere else. C’mon, focus!! Stop thinking, focus!! I forced my eyes to look at my computer screen. Trying to find something to get my mind to stop talking to itself. HA!! Like that’s really how it works. If it were only that easy. At that very moment, I wished I had one of those Staples That was Easy button so I could press it and my mind would just stop. The wheels would stop spinning. If someone were to ever create a device to make you stop thinking, that mofo would be a trillionare. Guaranteed. Trying to force your head to shut up is like seeing a $100 on the floor and not bending down to pick it up. Impossible. Your ass is gonna bend over and snatch that bitch up before someone else tries to do the same. You know you’ll do it, don’t play yourself. You’re gonna pick up Ben as soon as you can. It’s more than an impulse, it’s almost instinctual. That’s what it’s like trying to force your brain to shut up – forcing yourself to walk pass that Benjamin and not pick it up. Nope, not gonna happen. I sat there being consumed by my thoughts – lost in a sea of dread. No compass, no guide, no land, no horizon. Just endless, unstoppable waves of unwanted thoughts.

Sarah, Sarah, Sarah!! The British accent snaps me back to Earth. What? Your phone keeps lighting up. You should pick it up. Ohh, thanks Steph. Still in a haze, I look down and see the missed calls. 3 calls. Back to back to back. Boston #. What the fuck? Voicemail. Huh. I wonder who this is. I snap myself out of my daze and listen to the strange voice on the other end – Ms. Taylor, we need you to call us back immediately. This is not a collection agency or a telemarketer, it’s important. This is really important. Please give us a call as soon as you get this.

My eyes immediately watered. My heart pounding out my chest. Sweat drops all over my body. The room suddenly becoming a sauna. I could barely catch my breath. My hands trembling. I tried to swallow but there was nothing there. A knot in my throat immediately materializes. A surge of electricity from my head to my toes. Immediately, she said, immediately. Barely able to hold myself together. I need air. I’m suffocating. I need to get out of here before my co-workers start noticing that there’s something wrong with me. I slowly get up, fist clenched, sweat down my back. Heart pounding. Head beginning to spin. What could this be? What’s so important that this woman is calling me at work nonstop? What is she talking about? What the hell just happened to my body? Why did I almost pass out? The dread was now covering every single inch of my body and I don’t understand why. I managed to make it to the bathroom, I don’t know how but I did. Legs trembling. Entire body sweating. Heart about to jump out my mouth.

I lock myself in the stall and call back. Ring, ring, ring. Hi, this is Sarah Taylor. Voice shaking. I could barely get my name out. I swallowed – dryness. Yes, Ms. Taylor, we’ve been calling you all morning. Your test results are back. You have Chlamydia, Ms. Taylor. You have to go to your Doctor. We’ve already informed her and she’s expecting your call. You should call her as soon as you can.

In my 27 years, I’ve never thought about my own mortality or not being able to have kids or not being healthy. But at that moment, as the tears began to waterfall down my cheeks and the pain began destroying my insides apart, all I could think about was that daughter or son that I would never be able to have. So I cried. For the first time in years, I just cried. Not because I was sick but because I felt my future being robbed from me and it was my fault. I sat there shaking, crying, alone, embarrassed. I’ve never been sick before, this has never happened to me. I didn’t know what to do. Who do I tell? I cant tell my parents. I cant tell my friends. What would they think of me? This isn’t me. This doesn’t happen to me. I don’t sleep around. I’m suffocating. I’m shaking, my fists turning tomato red. I’m so angry. I’m so hurt. I feel so lost.

TEXT MESSAGES –

Me: We need to talk

Him: what is it?

Me: You gave me Chlamydia.

Him: What?!! You better check who you’ve been sleeping with. Go talk to them

Me: You!!!!! I’m only sleeping with YOU!!!

Him: ______________

Me: In the past year and a half, I’ve only been with you. No one else.

Him: ______________

The thing about betrayal is that what hurts the most isn’t what the person has done per se but that they never thought about how much pain they would make you go thru. That careless disregard for you from the person you love is what tears your heart in half. How can someone you loved, you cared for, you’ve helped, been their light in the darkness, their rock during the storm, their friend, their partner, their escape from the world, do something like this? Then to turn around and essentially call you a whore. That’s the part that was killing me. How little he truly knows me. Was our connection imagined? Were these feelings fake? Did he ever even care? Such little faith in me, in us.

I knew I would be fine in time with the proper care. My body would rebound, I would heal. But would I really be OK? Would I heal entirely? How can I trust anyone after this? How can I even think of loving anyone after this? You don’t do this to someone you care about. Naïve on my part, I know, to think everyone thinks this way. I sat there no longer crying, no longer shaking. I was just angry. Angry at myself. Angry at my carelessness. Angry at my feelings. And scared. I got up, wiped my face, took a deep breath and told myself to get it together. I, after all, was still at work and had to pretend like absolutely nothing was wrong with me. These people don’t need to see me this way. I wish I could tell you how the rest of my day went but I can’t remember. I was a zombie for the rest of the week.

You have to make peace with the apology that you’ll never get. But to tell you that I’m completely healed would be a lie. What still makes me sad is that I genuinely lost a friend, lost someone who had a piece of me that I’ll probably never fully get back. Lost someone I loved. No, I’m not nor will I ever be with this person again but when you really love someone, they’ll always have a small piece of your soul. My only hope is that he too is a better person because of it. The worst part of love is loving someone who never deserved your love. But the best part of loving the wrong person is learning what real love is.

Just because someone didn’t appreciate your value, doesn’t mean you’re worth any less. In the end, it just shows that they really couldn’t afford you.

: a feeling or belief about how successful, good, etc., someone or something will be

Merriam-Webster

We’ve all heard it before – No expectations, no disappointments. I think most of us would like to think that we practice this motto on a consistent basis; that it is an integral part of our emotional survival. If I don’t expect anything from a person, there is no chance of being disappointed, of being hurt. For a really long time, I found myself living by these words. They dominated (and still do to an extend) the way I look at people in my life. The less I expect from them, the better off I’ll be. Or at least I’ll like to think that. Hmmm, expectations. They can rip our hearts out and fk our brains up. It’s like if we think that believing something good can come out of a relationship, that thought will only lead us to more pain; a self-inflicted pain.

I’m tired of living in a world where I’m afraid of really loving someone, of expecting that person to do right by me, to be good to me, to meet my expectations of he and I. If I don’t expect goodness, loyalty, respect and support from you then what am I really getting out of this? I think a lot of us, women in particular, have this distorted feeling that we don’t deserve to be loved or really deserve the love we can have; grandiose fucking love, real fucking love, life-changing love, you and I love. Because we’re afraid of setting the proper expectations. The idea of expecting these things will only hinder our relationships – or so we’re forced to think. How many times have you felt something so deeply in your chest and decided against expressing those feelings out of this fear? Fear of rejection, fear of pressuring that person? Just plain old fear. You rather bury those feelings than face them head on – this is a mixture of fear of rejection and “outlandish” expectations. When I was younger, I would always think that if I just never expected anything from another person, I would never be hurt by them. Boy, that sure as hell didn’t work out. I got hurt regardless. It happened. It still happens. Expectations are feelings and if there’s one thing that I do know is that feelings cannot be controlled. I’ve tried and I’ve failed miserably. So after getting my heart broken once and stomped on a few other times, why shouldn’t I expect great things from that person I’m going to cautiously open my life and heart to again? Am I weighted down so significantly by my past failures that I don’t even give this person a real chance by unconsciously expecting it to bad? Am I going to lose out on something potentially wonderful because I’m too afraid of expecting the right things from him? I ask myself these questions every single day. My heart and my head are constantly battling each other over these feelings/expectations.

This is what I’ve realized as I’ve gotten older – if you don’t have certain expectations, you are only setting yourself up for failure. I’m not saying you have or should expect the same things from everyone. Hell No. Some people deserve nothing from you. But I do believe that we should start having faith in one another and have hope that things will work for the best. Don’t be blind or naïve but understand that it’s ok to want something to work out. To want someone by your side who not only meets your expectations but exceeds them. To want to be happy. To want to be loved. You deserve it. Don’t let your past failures make you think that you don’t. You do. You deserve happiness. That’s what 29 years have taught me – I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be treated with love and respect. I expect these things from you. Not expecting these things, will only lead me to further heart-break. I’m not going to be afraid to tell him what I need from him and what I expect of him because I will try the hardest to do the same for him. Don’t be afraid of grandiose fucking love. Expect happiness, expect love, expect loyalty, expect commitment. But always be aware that some people are not ready to feel the same and will never meet those expectations you have for yourself and your relationships. People do not change for others. They never do. If change occurs, it’s for themselves. You might have been part of the catalyst but they want to make a change for them. Know what you want out of something and stop wasting your time trying to make it happen with someone who isn’t willing to put in the work like you are. Have expectations. It’s OK to want to be happy. Just know that not everyone will meet them. At that point, you have a choice to make…

Before we start , let me give you some background information on my qualifications –

I’ve been an IT Recruiter for 6 years. What does this mean? Simple – I screen candidates, review resumes, interview potential employees before a client interview, get to the bottom of what people are looking for in their next job, negotiate salaries/rates, benefits, start dates, etc. I’m my candidates’ coach, cheerleader, biggest critic, biggest source of information and best overall resource in all things job related. My job is to make sure you get the job, to prepare you as best I can to help you get your foot in the door. You get paid, I get paid. It’s in my best interest to make sure you the land the job. In my 6 years as a Recruiter, I’ve placed hundreds of candidates on short term and long term contracts and permanent jobs. My Linkedin will give you a snapshot of my success – I come highly recommended.

Is all this easy? Absolutely not. No matter how prepared you are, there are times that you will not get the job. It’s the honest truth. I’m here to help enlighten you a bit. To help you understand both sides of the equation.

Looking for a job is a job itself. You want a new job? You better get ready to put in the hours, effort and the preparation required to land the new position. You have to be fully committed or else you’re wasting everyone’s time. Time is the one thing you never get back so don’t waste yours, mine or the Hiring Company’s. It will make you look incredibly unprofessional.

If you’re currently unhappy at work, the single most important thing that you must do is sit down and figure out what is causing your unhappiness. Do you want more money (who doesn’t)? Are you working too many hours? Is there no room for growth (this one is very common)? You hate your boss/co-workers (It happens). You want tuition reimbursement? Everyone’s reason is unique to their circumstances so no two answers are ever truly identical. However, this is the single most important aspect of your search. Let me say that again – the most important aspect. When a Recruiter/Hiring Company asks you why you’re looking to make a move, your answer will let us know the following – 1. Are you only looking for money, 2. Are you serious about your search/making a move, 3. Are you going to be a good cultural fit, 4. Are you unrealistic/delusional, so on and so forth. Before you even think of posting your resume online, you must make sure you have a full understanding of why you’re looking to make a change. This will make or break you.

Did you know that when a company hires a new employee, it costs them on average between 10-15k a year to bring you and keep you onboard? 10-15kdollars. Let that sink in. If you were a Manager and had to invest 15k on a person, would you hire just anyone? No, you wouldn’t. You would hire someone with the highest ROI (Return on Investment). It’s the logical thing to do. Heck, it’s the right business decision. If I’m investing 10-15k of my company money on you, you better turn a profit for me. You better add value to my organization. Health benefits cost money. Training cost money. Corporate/federal/state/city taxes cost money. You, my friend, cost money. Put yourself in the Hiring Manager’s shoes, again, would you hire just anyone if you had to invest so much money in the person? Um, no way. Don’t kid yourself, you wouldn’t. You must prove to the Manager that you will be worth the faith and money that will go into you, your training and your potential.

So let’s tie all these things together now that you know how much it will cost ME to hire YOU –

Would you, as a Manager, hire someone who is only looking for more money? NO. Answer is simple – if you are only looking to make a move solely for money, what makes me think that you wouldn’t jump ship in 6 months if someone offered you a position that pays more while you’re working for me? I’m investing all this money on you only to have you jump ship in 6 months. If that’s the indication I get during your interview, I’m not going to hire you. Simple as that. Money is incredibly important, let’s not kid ourselves here, but as a Manager, I don’t want to hear that you’re only looking for money because that will make me really uneasy. Instead, say that you want continued professional growth as a job seeker. You want to be properly compensated but what’s most important to you is career evolution – more responsibilities, the opportunity to one day run a team, become a leader within the organization. Even if these are not your aspirations, saying these things will make you seem less greedy and make the hiring company think that you’re in it for the long haul. I would invest my money on someone like that.

I hate my current Manager. You bad mouth your current boss, you’re going to bad mouth me. I will not hire you. End of story. Would you invest your capital on someone who will trash you in the future? Hell no. DON’T DO IT.Never, EVER bad mouth your current employer during an interview. I cannot stress this enough. It makes you look unprofessional, petty and makes you a liability. You know what I do when I speak to someone who sounds bitter? I end my conversation with them and wish them a good day. NEXT!

Are you unrealistic? If you make 50k now and are asking for 80k, you’re being unrealistic and do not understand/know your market. A typical raise is 10-20% of your current salary. Few people get 30%+ increases and those people tend to bring something to the table that is very unique and/or specialized. You want more money, aim for a 10-20% increase. More than that, you’re pricing yourself out. I’m not kidding. I’ve had many offers rescinded because the candidate decided to get greedy last minute. Don’t do it to yourself. Again, you look unprofessional and uneducated. Know full well how much of an increase you want. The more, the better – obviously. But don’t be stupid – don’t ask for something outrageous unless you bring something to the table that is niche/unique because I can and will find 100-200 other people that will take the job at the salary offered. Know your worth. Do not let anyone lowball you but be educated and realistic in your salary expectations. Know your #s before you post your resume – i.e – I will not take a job that pays less than X. Know your bottom-line. Once your resume is submitted to a client, there’s not a lot of room to negotiate. If I can get you more money, I will because I get paid on what you make so I want to get you more but do not get greedy. Do not burn bridges. Do your research!!!

Folks, these are all things that Managers constantly think of/deal with. You are already competing with thousands of applicants for the same position. Do not lose out on the job because you 1. said something stupid or 2. Didn’t do your research.