Communicating Love

February 9, 2013

"Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination, nor both together go to making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius," Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart wrote in the Marriage of Figaro.

Much has been written about love, but very little has been written about how to communicate love. Some questions to consider in our communication of love: Are we born with the ability to LOVE? What happens with our ability to LOVE as we develop and age? Why do some people seem more loving then others?

Do you know someone who has a loving personality? Do you notice some people seem easier to love than others? Are you easy to Love?

If you look at people who are easy to love, you will notice they have learned how to communicate love. They have learned that their first nonverbal message is their face. Most people who we perceive as easy to love have bright, open eyes and are usually smiling. They appear non - threatening and open to our approach to communicate. Let's explore how this happens and how you can learn to communicate love.

Appearance: Appearance in communicating love is the first step. Appearing joyful, kind and smiling, both inside and out, denotes a spirit of love. Learning to love yourself will help create your personal appearance of love. If you did not know how to love yourself, you will not be able to love others. It also means to have a loving attitude in actions and responses toward others: that you look for opportunities to help rather than be helped; that you communicate a loving appreciation of others with "thank you" and "please" as part of your vocabulary; you forgive others and do not hold a grudge; you help people in need without thought of reward or recognition.

Use these skills to become a loving person:

- Be kind to others through your actions and communication. Look for opportunities to help others.

- Express gratitude freely and often to others and let them know how much you appreciate them.

- Learn to use thank you and please as part of your speech pattern.

- Send thank you notes and tell others about another person's act of kindness toward you.

-Forgive others and yourself daily.

-Help others in need: By doing this, you will fulfill a greater need in yourself.

Our needs play an important part in communication of love, as we all want three things in life; Inclusion, Love and Control. Each of these three needs is very much a part of our behavior toward us and others. How we perceive these needs being met will greatly affect our ability to communicate love. How we communicate love to others is learned: we are not born with this ability to communicate love.

Develop these personality skills in your ability to communicate love in the needs of yourself and others:

- Learn to follow the Golden Rule, love others as you love yourself.

- Learn to be tolerant and include others, appreciate their differences

Inclusive: To be included is something all of us want. It is a basic human need and when individuals perceive they are not included, their behavior changes. Knowing how to make others feel included (belonging or a part of) is very important in the communication of love. Try these strategies to include others.

- Use communication that includes we and us.

- Use communication of appreciation and acceptance. This includes body language and the words we choose.

Affection can be defined in many ways. Individual needs for affection or love are different, but all individuals need some form of affection and love, such as a smile, kiss, hug, handshake, or a pat on the back. Affection is an emotion which can be very powerful in the communication of love. It is very important individuals understand this human behavior and the need in all of us for some form of affection and love. You can:

-Give a smile

- Give a pat on the back.

- Give a warm handshake.

- Touch the person's hand or arm.

- Some people are huggers, some are not, but most people find love communicated through a hug.

Touch is a very important characteristic in the communication of love. Everyone has some need of touch. As you develop your skills to communicate love with others remember these strategies of touch:

- Not everyone accepts touching easily. It is a learned response that develops with trust.

- Gentle contact of hand is a good beginning

- Touch communicates strong emotions of love and often is the best communication when you are at a loss for words.

Things we do that communicate love:

Love normally comes from within a person. It is expressed through many ways, such as smiles, body stance, posture, walking, tone and quality of voice. We all know some people who are loving and they are a joy to be around. Their loving ways are refreshing and make our lives better. Here is another secret in the communication of love. Individuals need joy and love in their lives. Because they want love they are attracted to positive behaviors of loving people...

Learn to communicate love by:

- Smiling

- Keep a list of loving thoughts.

- Learn to know what makes you lovable.

- Learn to say "what's good for you today" instead of saying "what's wrong."

- Be positive and have faith to love yourself and others.

- Always see the day as an opportunity to communicate love and happiness.

- When you wake each morning, say "this will be a day of love" and believe it.

- When you go to bed at night, remember the love that came your way that day.

- Learn that love comes from within. No one makes you love, we do it ourself.

Doug Hovatter is a WVU associate professor and 4-H agent in Berkeley County. He can be reached at 304- 264-1936, Doug.Hovatter@Mail.WVU.edu or on the web at berkeleyext.wvu.edu.