In a stunning move designed to strengthen ties to Papal Rome, Israel announced last week that it would be changing its official religion to Catholicism. According to spokesmen, the decision was reached after other less drastic diplomatic advances failed.

“It’s simply a question of survival to establish strong bonds with the Pope. We just can’t have him launching any crusades against us right now,” one Knesset member told reporters. The move is also considered an attempt to confuse the rebelling Palestinians of the region in the hope that they will start rioting rioting against the Pope instead of the Israeli government.

When asked to comment on Israel’s switch of religions, the Pope said “I fear that they’re doing this just for the Christmas presents, but Santa won’t be fooled so easily.”