Editor’s Note: Be aware, this post contains spoilers for the new film, "Noah."

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Glenn Beck was invited to see “Noah” by an executive vice president of Paramount Pictures over the weekend, who requested that the multimedia personality see the movie before taking a position on it with his audience.

“I felt like kind of a dirtball, basing my review on something that I hadn’t seen, on someone else’s review,” Beck said on radio Monday. “That’s what people do to me. They don’t listen or watch, then they review. It was wrong of me to do.”

Unfortunately — though Beck said everyone at Paramount was extremely gracious — he has only more words of warning for his audience after sitting through the entire epic.

“The review made it sound like this was a godless climate change movie,” Beck said. “I believe that it is not a godless climate change movie. It’s more take ‘Sinbad the Sailor’ meets ‘The Shining’ and ‘Friday the 13th,’ with a sprinkle of ‘Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.’”Beck said strongly: “If you are looking for a biblical movie, this is definitely not it … It’s not the story of Noah that I was hoping for. If you are going for that, you will be horribly disappointed.”

Among the specific scenes Beck took issue with, he referenced the “giant rock people” that sprung up to help Noah with his tasks.

“I felt really bad, because as the rock people storyline continued, we all got giggling fits and we started to laugh and mock the movie,” Beck said. “And at one point, [we] looked over and realized the executive vice president of Paramount, who invited us, was observing how we were reacting to it. And I’m like, ‘I don’t think we’re going to get out of here without telling him exactly how we feel, because I think he probably knows at this point.’ Literally laughing at the rock people.”

But Beck said the biggest problem with the movie was “Noah himself.”

“I always thought of Noah as more of a nice, gentle guy, prophet of God … and less of the homicidal maniac that Paramount found in the Bible,” Beck said. “More of the man [that] loves God, and less of him trying to break down the doors inside the ark to kill his whole family.”

Beck said the movie could have aptly been named the “Babylonian Chainsaw Massacre,” based on how Noah was “running around, not kidding, trying to kill his whole family.”

“People are evil. And God only wanted animals on the ark. And so we are all going to kill each other. And I am going to be first – I will kill all of you. Then you are going to kill me, then we will bury people once we get down on the ground again, then you are just going to have to kill yourself. I will trust you on that.”

“It treats a prophet of God like a lunatic,” Beck said simply. “There’s no redeeming value in Noah, none. He hates people. I’m sorry. No prophet of God hates people … He tries to kill his own family. To me, a prophet receives direct communication from God, and Noah is wrong about everything.”

Seriously, it's like asking a vegetarian to cook you a steak. Atheists should not make movies based on the Bible.

“Noah” disgusts Christians, annoys Jews and thrills the Biblically illiterate.Pictured are people running form the theater in disgust...we think.

John Nolte…

Let’s give the Devil his due: using the story of Noah to twist Christianity into something it is not, is a genius piece of propagandizing that is sure to lead many away from God under the mistaken belief that through left-wing environmentalism they are coming closer to Him.

Using a $135 million, atheist director and co-writer Darren Aronofsky, and Paramount have brilliantly and deviously disguised the Pagan god Gaia as the God of the Old Testament … as THE God.

Aronofsky’s ”God” is only disappointed, disgusted and ready to be rid of man for the single sin of hurting the environment. And hurting the environment is defined in the film as strip-mining, eating animal flesh, hunting, and even plucking a flower no bigger than a dime because “it’s pretty.”

Ben Shapito…

There are other problems with the film, of course. The score, by Clint Mansell, is a monstrosity, thundering two notes over and over again in a poor imitation of Hans Zimmer (it’s actually the same two notes as the Batman trilogy, just reversed). Half the action is difficult to see thanks to the accursed shaky-cam Aronofsky loves so much. And while the performances are universally good, Aronofsky’s bizarre special effects and plot choices (Seth impregnates Ila in the middle of the forest while looking for his brother, who has run off and faces death) had the audience in my theater laughing out loud at several points.

But the real problem is moral. God is Gaia in this version of the Bible. Mankind is the universal sinner, and only the animals are innocent. The film finishes with shots of pairs of animals that could have come from a National Geographic special. Which leads to this question: if God just wanted a really nice zoo, why did He bother creating mankind in the first place?