Sunday, March 31, 2013

Today, I will not allow self-pity to shake the foundation of my recovery Program regardless if my recovery began 24 months or 24 hours ago. Self-pity may be the sharpest in the anti-Higher Power's battery of poisons that can undo, in the blink of an eye, any progress I have made. But my Higher Power, and the support I have tapped in those also in recovery, have a stronger cache of tools. Self-pity is giving up my belief and total surrender to my Higher Power, and self-pity is the epitome of selfishness. If there is adversity in this day, I will face it with the courage, strength, hope and dignity with which my Program has endowed me, and I've already been empowered with courage, strength, hope and dignity merely by committing myself to recovery. Nor will I whine, "Why me?" And if I say no to self-pity today, I have no reason or excuse to drink, to use - and this day, then, will be good. And our common journey continues. Step by step. - Chris M., 2013

Since I've been in AA, have I made a start towards being more unselfish? Do I no longer want my own way in everything? When things go wrong and I can't have what I want, do I no longer sulk? Am I trying not to waste money on myself? And does it make me happy to see my family and my home have enough attention from me?

Am I trying not to be all get and no give?

Meditation for the Day

Each day is a day of progress, steady progress forward, if you make it so. You may not see it, but God does. God does not judge by outward appearance. He judges by the heart. Let Him see in your heart a simple desire always to do His will. Though you may feel that your work has been spoiled or tarnished, God sees it as an offering for Him. When climbing a steep hill, a person is often more conscious of the weakness of his stumbling feet than of the view, the grandeur or even of the upward progress.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may persevere in all good things. I pray that I may advance each day in spite of my stumbling feet.

My illness is unlike most other illnesses in that denial that I am sick is a primary symptom that I am sick. Like such other incurable illnesses as diabetes and arthritis, however, my illness is characterized by relapses. In The Program, we call such relapses "slips." The one thing I know for certain is that I alone can cause myself to slip.

Will I remember at all times that the thought precedes the action? Will I try to avoid "stinking thinking?"

Today I Pray

May God give me the power to resist temptations. May the responsibility for giving in, for having a "slip," be on my shoulders and mine only. May I see beforehand if I am setting myself up for a slip by blame-shifting, shirking my responsibility to myself, becoming the world's poor puppet once again. My return to those old attitudes can be as much of a slip as the act of losing my sobriety.

Nothing happens to any man that he is not formed by nature to bear. -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus

Reflecting on the past reveals that indeed we do find the strength and the ability to cope with whatever experience ripples our calm. Moreover, we have come to accept that these tides of turmoil wash in new awarenesses, heightened perceptions, and measurable calm.

Tragedies are guaranteed to trigger first pain, then perceptible growth, and finally, tranquility. Over and over again we pass through these stages that are designed to nurture our fuller development as healthy human beings. Over and over we see that the tough times teach us what we're ready to learn.

We can look to the day ahead fully expecting to be strengthened enough to handle whatever we've been readied to experience. Nothing will present itself that can't be coped with.

Today I can be certain of growing. I will meet the challenges in unison with my inner strength.

Saturday, March 30, 2013

By Dan Griffin

Treatments will be more effective when we treat men as men.

How much can really be done to improve men’s treatment for addiction? The myth is that men have a hard time engaging in treatment. The truth is that we have a hard time truly engaging men in treatment – meeting them where they are at, speaking to them in their language, and listening to everything they don’t – and cannot – say. The field of addiction treatment has not spent a lot of time creating a true framework for treatment that speaks to men’s unique issues and needs – treatment for men, created by men, with men in mind.

For years now there has been an expectation that addiction counselors need specialized training to work most effectively with women. Despite the fact that 70% of the people going through treatment are men and 70% of the people working in treatment are women, there has never been any such expectation when it comes to men’s treatment and working with men. Until now.

Here are five critical elements for making men’s treatment services more effective:

1. Men’s Socialization Should Be the Context. Given how contrary being in recovery is to “The Rules of Being a Man” that dichotomy and the tension between the two should be a constant context for the conversations we have with men. When we embed this awareness throughout the treatment experience we give men a language for talking about the dissonance they are often experiencing without making it about them. There is nothing wrong with them – they are simply trying to rectify how they have spent their whole lives trying to be certain kinds of men and a core part of who they think they are with the expectations of being in recovery that can often feel quite “unmanly.”

How many men are constantly fighting against the stranglehold that The Rules have over them as they attempt to apply the principles of recovery to their lives? Just look at some men in the recovery community with five, ten, fifteen or more years of sobriety who struggle to be close to someone, share what is really going on with them, struggle with violence and abusiveness, and/or are paralyzed by codependent behaviors? Guaranteed, The Rules are at the heart of so much of this suffering.

Finally, look at any man’s relapse and we guarantee that a major factor was one or multiple Rules that kept him isolated and disconnected from himself and others. When you talk to a man about his relapse in the context of The Rules you help to take away the shame and any belief the man may have about being unable to achieve sobriety because of who he is.

2. Safety First. You need to be focused on safety because the men will not likely talk about it but it is on their minds, in their gut. No matter how a man acts when he first comes into your treatment program – apathetic, belligerent, sarcastic, or overly enthusiastic – you should be thinking in terms of safety. If you were to do this then everything would change. The lens through which you view his behavior would lead you to respond to him differently. Your environment could not help but change as everyone, includingstaff, in the organization would begin to feel safer. This is a critical element in becoming trauma-informed when providing men’s treatment.

3. Small Groups. If you want men to open up, put them in small groups. And we mean small groups, as in breaking the men out into sets of threes. The effect is transformative. Men who normally would fly under the radar or simply present as though they are less emotionally engaged will show up in a completely different way. The number three is important – two is too easily turned into a conversation and four can split into twos or even lose someone. But three, well there is something almost magical about it.

4. Let’s Talk About Sex. Let’s not just talk about sex but talk about sexuality – the whole thing. What percentage of men’s relapses are directly related to sex? Close to, if not 100%! Not feeling comfortable with engaging in sex while sober, fear of sex, discomfort with themselves sexually, pain from sexual trauma, body image, and many others. Let’s not even talk about men’s use of pornography while they are in treatment programs – let alone once they get out. Let’s definitely not talk about the unhealthy use of porn amongst all of the male counselors out there working with men! Add to that our growing awareness of sex and love addiction and its impact on men and all of our relationships.

Therefore, the real question is: How can we not put a major focus on helping men develop a healthy sense of their sexuality? That is a primary question that everyone who works with men’s treatment services should be asking themselves.

5. Homophobia. How many men’s treatment programs incorporate homophobia into their treatment regimen? Very few. Of course, an addiction counselor can’t simply say to men, “Okay guys, let’s talk about homophobia.” It’s more complicated and requires a high degree of finesse. When we talk about homophobia it goes far beyond a fear or hatred of homosexuals, especially gay men – for us it means men’s fear of men – our fear of getting close to other men and having any kind of intimate connection with them.

♦◊♦

If these five elements become incorporated in men’s treatment plans, you will see marked differences – if not a complete transformation – in how men respond to their treatment experience and how effective clinicians feel working with men.

Step by StepSaturday, March 30, 2013Today, I cannot crumble to a micro-second of temptation even if I think I do not feel tempted to try "just one" drink. Regardless of how many 24 Hours of sobriety any AA disciple has, none of us is immune from the thought, however fleeting, that maybe one drink won't do any damage. It will, of course, as we know from bitter experience. If temptation is a human foible, it is one that none of us in recovery can afford; for us, temptation, rather, is our failure to integrate into the deepest of our souls the Program's first four words - "Admitted we were powerless ..." Temptation is also our own will run riot and rejection of the humility to surrender our will to our Higher Power. Still, if temptation sneaks in, may I have fully imprinted in my conscience that outcome of all those times in the past when I did give into temptation - and the memory of that outcome, God granting, is too costly and painful to give in another time to the myth that temptation creates. Today, I hope I am not tempted, but I will not take for granted that I won't so that, if I am, I am strong and honest enough in my Program. And our common journey continues. Step by step. - Chris M., 2013

Before I met AA, I was very unloving. From the time I went away to school, I paid very little attention to my mother and father. I was on my own and didn't even bother to keep in touch with them. After I got married, I was very unappreciative of my spouse. Many a time I would go out all by myself to have a good time. I paid too little attention to our children and didn't try to understand them or show them affection. My few friends were only drinking companions, not real friends.

Have I gotten over loving nobody but myself?

Meditation for the Day

Be calm, be true, be quiet. Do not get emotionally upset by anything that happens around you. Feel a deep, inner security in the goodness and purpose in the universe. Be true to your highest ideals. Do not let yourself slip back into the old ways of reacting. Stick to your spiritual guns. Be calm always. Do not talk back or defend yourself too much against accusation, whether false or true. Accept abuse as well as you accept praise. Only God can judge the real you.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may not be upset by the judgment of others. I pray that I may let God be the judge of the real me.

"When I meditate upon such a vision," Bill W. continued, "I need not be dismayed because I shall never attain it, nor need I swell with presumption that one of these days its virtues shall all be mine. I only need to dwell on the vision itself, letting it grow and ever more fill my heart ...Then I get a sane and healthy idea of where I stand on the highway to humility. I see that my journey towards God has scarcely begun. As I thus get down to my right size and stature, my self-concern and importance become amusing."

Do I take myself too seriously?

Today I Pray

May the grandiosity which is a symptom of my chemical addiction be brought back into proportion by the simple comparison of my powerlessness with the power of God. May I think of the meaning of Higher Power as it relates to my human frailty. May it bring my ego back down to scale and help me shed my defenses of pomp or bluster or secret ideas of self-importance.

Recovery for me has been almost a rebirth. I'm born again as the curious, trusting, honest child I was so long ago - the child I thought I'd lost forever. -- Paul D.

For many of us, that child was just waiting for a chance to find us again. It was only waiting until we could maintain honesty, integrity, and decency. We had to relearn how to live so we wouldn't hurt that child. We had to learn to choose people more carefully so the child's trust wouldn't be betrayed. We had to embark on a new life to protect that child.

Little by little we did change our lives. Little by little that child was reborn. As the child learned to trust us, it became more a part of our daily lives. We learned to look to that child for the source of our pain and with the help of our inner child, we're now beginning to heal. In learning to love our child within we are learning to accept ourselves as lovable, forgivable human beings who are ready to step out into the world and take our place in a loving community of others who are also healing.

Today help me remember the child within me and to protect that part of myself in every action I take.

Friday, March 29, 2013

Step by StepFriday, March 29, 2013Today, if I start out dreading what the day may bring or with the hope of just getting through it, I probably need to do a 10th Step at least or re-do my entire Fourth at most. Clearly something is wrong and I have not yet reaped benefits of sobriety or, at worst, I am little more than a dry drunk. The Serenity Prayer tells me that I have no control over what this new day might serve up, but it also tells me what I can change is me. The Program gives me the tools to do it, from the first four words of the Program - "Admitted (I am) powerless" - to the 12th Step's promise of a new me through a spiritual awakening and its command to practice all the Steps "in all (my) affairs." And if I take the attitude that the day ahead is something to just get through, I will likely make it a self-fulfilling prophecy. Today, I will admit that I am powerless over whatever this new day brings but that my attitude toward it can make or break the peace of mind that recovery promises - and that faith in my Higher Power will give me the courage to change me. Sobriety and, for that matter, life are not things to endure or to just get through. Today, I will live, not endure or just get through. And our common journey continues. Step by step. - Chris M., 2013

Before I met AA, I was very dishonest. I lied to my spouse constantly about where I had been and what I'd been doing. I took time off from my work and pretended I'd been sick or gave some other dishonest excuse. I was dishonest with myself, as well as with other people. I would never face myself as I really was or admit when I was wrong. I pretended to myself that I was as good as the next person, although I suspected I wasn't.

Am I now really honest?

Meditation for the Day

I must live in the world and yet live apart with God. I can go forth from my secret times of communion with God to the work of the world. To get the spiritual strength I need, my inner life must be lived apart from the world. I must wear the world as a loose garment. Nothing in the world should seriously upset me, as long as my inner life is lived with God. All successful living arises from this inner life.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may live my inner life with God. I pray that nothing shall invade or destroy that secret place of peace.

What is the definition of humility? "Absolute humility," said AA co-founder Bill W., "would consist of a state of complete freedom from myself, freedom from all the claims that my defects of character now lay so heavily upon me. Perfect humility would be a full willingness, in all times and places, to find and to do the will of God."

Am I striving for humility?

Today I Pray

May God expand my interpretation of humility beyond abject subservience or awe at the greatness of others. May humility also mean freedom from myself, a freedom which can come only through turning my being over to God's will. May I sense the omnipotence of God, which is simultaneously humbling and exhilarating. May I be willing to carry out His will.

Reflection for the DayThe Program and my friends in the fellowship have provided me with a whole new set of tools for living. Even the slogans that once seemed so trite and corny are now becoming an important part of my daily life: Easy Does It; First Things First; This, Too, Will Pass. If I use all of my tools regularly and well, they'll also help rid me of such negative feelings as guilt, anxiety, rebellion and pride. When I'm feeling depressed, do I use the tools that have been proven effective? Or do I grit my teeth and suffer in painful silence?Today I PrayI praise my wonder-working Higher Power for giving me the tools for recovery, once I admitted I was powerless and gave myself over to the will of God as I understand God. I give thanks for the Twelve Steps and for the fellowship of the group, which can help me see myself honestly. I give thanks for those words and phrases which become, as we understand them more completely, banners in our celebration of sobriety.Today I Will RememberPass on the passwords to recovery.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Step by StepThursday, March 28, 2013Today, I will not romanticize or create a myth that any of my drinking days were "fun" or good if a newcomer to the Program or even a veteran talks about "the good old days." By embellishing drinking before "things went bad" and even constructing a vision that any of it was good, I am probably pining for days when I might have drank "safely" without being honest that those days never existed at all. And by longing for non-existent "good old days," I am vulnerable to a slip or relapse and denying the truth that I am now, and forever will be, "powerless over alcohol." More pointedly, if I try to re-do my last drunk into something that is not true, I have basically forgotten my last drunk. And as one of the Program's old sayings goes, if I can't remember my last drunk, I haven't had it yet. Today, I will remember with honesty how it was and that it has been, so far by the grace of God, my last drunk. And our common journey continues. Step by step. - Chris M., 2013

Twenty-Four Hours a DayThursday, March 28, 2013AA Thought for the DayWhen you come into an AA meeting, you're not just coming into a meeting, you're coming into a new life. I'm always impressed by the change I see in people after they've been in AA for a while. I sometimes take an inventory of myself to see whether I have changed and, if so, in what way. Before I met AA, I was very selfish. I wanted my own way in everything. I don't believe I ever grew up. When things went wrong, I sulked like a spoiled child and often went out and got drunk.

Am I still all get and no give?

Meditation for the DayThere are two things that we must have if we are going to change our way of life. One is faith, the confidence in things unseen, the fundamental goodness and purpose in the universe. The other is obedience: that is, living according to our faith, living each day as we believe that God wants us to live, with gratitude, humility, honesty, purity, unselfishness and love. Faith and obedience, these two, will give us all the strength we need to overcome sin and temptation and to live a new and more abundant life.

Prayer for the DayI pray that I may have more faith and obedience. I pray that I may live a more abundant life as a result of these things.

A Day at a TimeThursday, March 28, 2013Reflection for the DayWe must think deeply of all those sick persons still to come to The Program. As they try to make their return to faith and to life, we want them to find everything in The Program that we have found, yet more, if that be possible. No care, no vigilance, no effort to preserve The Program's constant effectiveness and spiritual strength will ever be too great to hold us in full readiness for the day of their homecoming.

How well do I respect the Traditions of The Program?

Today I PrayGod help me to carry out my part in making the group a lifeline for those who are still suffering from addictions, in maintaining the Steps and the Traditions which have made it work for me for those who are still to come. May The Program be a "homecoming" for those of us who share the disease of addiction. May we find common solutions to the common problems which that disease breeds.

The Eye OpenerThursday, March 28, 2013Why is the world? Why are we here? What is our purpose? Why must we live and suffer and die? Without God, there would be no answer. We do not know the great extent of God's purpose, but we do know that we as individuals, each and every one, must somehow fit into that purpose.

We can only know God as He has revealed Himself to us. We know His principle attribute is goodness. Therefore, His purpose must be good, and we can best serve that purpose by aspiring to the highest standard of goodness that we can conceive.

WILL POWER = Our WILL-ingness to use a Higher POWER. -- AnonymousOne of the greatest decisions any of us ever made concerned our Third Step. This decision seemed to go against everything we wanted to do. We all know so well that every time we tried to manage our own lives, we produced misery and heartache. Human beings seem created to fight the decision to give up control. Yet this decision in Step Three, very hard for us to make, was one of the greatest decisions we ever made.

When we did our Third Step, we merely embraced the truth. When we decided to let God be God, we were able to participate in the plan. Whenever we let go and let God, we become a player on a team that will always win.

What I knew in the past was mostly failure; the decision to let God's will become mine continues to make sense.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Step by StepWednesday, March 27, 2013Today, if I am afraid, anxious, worried and uncertain about something in my life, I can draw strength from the mercy and blessing of my Higher Power that guided me through the darkness and fear of active alcoholism to face whatever challenges me now. If I believe that drinking was the darkest chapter of my life but that I survived with the strength of a Higher Power, I must have faith that the same strength can lead me through a lesser turmoil. The Second Step of coming to believe in a Higher Power greater than myself is my refuge from any storm I am weathering now, and the Third Step of yielding my will to that of a greater Power calms any fears or doubts with faith. Today, I can draw strength and hope from the yesterday when I had my last drink to believe that, with faith and strength in the Power that got me through those days, I can get through anything less - but only with unconditional faith and by seeking His will above mine. And our common journey continues. Step by step. - Chris M., 2013

Twenty-Four Hours a DayWednesday, March 27, 2013AAThought for the DayYou get the power to overcome drinking through the fellowship of other alcoholics who have found the way out. You get power by honestly sharing your past experience by a personal witness. You get power by coming to believe in a Higher Power, the Divine Principle in the universe which can help you. You get power by working with other alcoholics. In these four ways, thousands of alcoholics have found all the power they needed to overcome drinking.

Am I ready and willing to accept this power and work for it?

Meditation for the DayThe power of God's spirit is the greatest power in the universe. Our conquest of each other, the great kings and conquerors, the conquest of wealth, the leaders of the money society, all amount to very little in the end. But he that conquers himself is greater than he who conquers a city. Material things have no permanence. But God's spirit is eternal. Everything really worthwhile in the world is the result of the power of God's spirit.

Prayer for the DayI pray that I may open myself to the power of God's spirit. I pray that my relationships with others may be improved by this spirit.

A Day at a TimeWednesday, March 27, 2013Reflection for the DayStoring up grievances is not only a waste of time, but a waste of life that could be lived to greater satisfaction. If I keep a ledger of "oppressions and indignities," I'm only restoring them to painful reality.

"The horror of that moment," the King said, "I shall never, never forget.""You will, though," said the Queen,"if you don't make a memorandum of it." - Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking Glass"

Am I keeping a secret storehouse for the wreckage of my past?

Today I PrayGod keep me from harboring the sludge from the past - grievances, annoyances, grudges, oppressions, wrongs, injustices, put-downs, slights, hurts. They will nag at me and consume my time in rehashing what I "might have said" or done until I face each one, name the emotion it produced in me, settle it as best I can - and forget it. May I empty my storehouse of old grievances.

The Eye OpenerWednesday, March 27, 2013Many of us can recall being fired from jobs for drinking and at the same time being given a letter of recommendation that spoke in glowing terms about our ability, Of course, the former boss was trying to be kind in avoiding any mention of the drinking problem, but such letters are actually dishonest, and it was equally dishonest when we used them to procure new jobs.

How much better it would have been if they had tried to do something constructive about the problem rather than lowering us in our own esteem by making us a party to the deceit.