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Sorry you are having such a hard time waiting for the results. I think what you are hearing from all of us is that we think you would be better off if you didn't spend quite so much time worrying and instead spent time in other worthy activities like:

planning (hot puppy)talking to folks in person (Philly)counselling (Rapidrod)walking (me)studying up on the first year (Next)etc ...

But hey -- sometimes none of us feel up to doing worthy projects and just need to laugh a little. This site has resources there too -- in the Off topic forum. So if you feel like whiling away the time check out a few of these:

I still suggest getting busy with things that have NOTHING to do with hiv.

Like your homework. Or...Research low-fat nutritious recipes on the internet.Cooking a low-fat, nutritious meal. Clean the house.Do the laundry.Do some gardening.Don't have a garden? Do some gardening for an elderly neighbour.There are TONS of things you can do to take your mind off this until you get those results.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Ah, see I was always hoping to get a response from anniebc/Jan, you seemed to be the really awesome happy type I wish I could be, from wherever I saw responses you left. Heck, I always assumed you were negative and just here to help, cause I used to wrongly assume all the POZ staff were infectees...

Were it that I could shear and lamb (what is lambing?) just to have interaction and something constructive to do, I would gladly do so. I'm in a rut because I can't tell my mom or family in general, at least for a while, and I've no friends to speak of right now, having just started school... The mom thing is hardest, cause I know she needs to be happy and her life isn't strawberries and cream right now but she's the closest person to me in the whole world and I think it would kill her...

So, yeah, I've been glad for some of the ladies' responses, being either gentler or maternal in prose, because it reminds me of the bond I share with my mom... at least until she finds out I got infected (if that is the case.) I'm sorry, I'm a twentysomething with mommy attachment issues and loneliness... I guess I come here too much, but I've little else to go to keep some social interaction and I'm desperately afraid of being alone. Please don't see me as some kind of attention-whore or melodramatic loser... I'm just realizing I screwed my whole life up being shy and reserved toward people and never got the "making friends" down that well.

Hell.. to call a spade a spade... I'm envious of the ladies' forum, because I was always closest to women and how they share such close bonds... I miss that. I've always been the guy who was not into sports or beer or chicks or cars, and had his best friends as girls... too bad it isolates me in a few ways I didn't see coming.

I have been positive for 6 years, I have gone from being a nursing sister of 27 years to a farmer and loving every minute of it..as evryone here has told you life goes on and you can still achieve your dreams..I did.

BTW..when I say lambing it means my spring lambs have started to arrive and keeping us busy...it doesn't take much to keep yourself busy, some of the things Ann suggested are a good idea...there really is no point in stressing yourself out at this point.

Tomorrow is the big day... and I'm sitting here watching ABC shows and trying to be happy, in hopes that I get great news tomorrow.

So I've a request for all (if anyone) reading this:

If you pray, please pray for the result that is meant to happen. While I hope it's negative, of course I'm aware of the logical accuracy of the last test. However, miracles happen...

And if you pray, please... pray for me to find the strength to move forward either way. And I hope some of you all will be around tomorrow about this time... I may definitely need some comfort, or maybe some jubilee.

And if you don't pray, please all who have any mind to, send some good vibes... good wishes, and just know I'm not gonna be such a pest anymore.

Well, they said to come on in... which I dunno what that means, since some people on here said they got result by phone either way.

I'm at this last desperate moment before... I go in at 3 my time, so by 4 I'll know... Sorry to repost where it is unwelcome about something I've beat to death a million times. I just cannot help but be more scared than ever in my life...

Let's go back a step. The planned parenthood clinic gave me a rapid test that showed positive/reactive last week, and then drew some test tubes of blood to send off. The clinician there said that my throat looked real bad and red and white patches, and that the weight loss made sense to her as a symptom.

Still, she said "we're going to send this off for a western blot to confirm. Check back next Friday."

Fast forward to today, the aforementioned Friday...

I walk in, the lady sighs and takes me to the back office with three papers in hand. We begin to talk, and she says "your EIA was nonreactive."

WTF? But the rapid was reactive, I say. "Well, this is a rare event, but we get it a lot here..." So, um, thanks, that makes me wonder why that is... but then she goes onto say "I've only seen one come back confirmed since I've been here." So are they using a bad lab, or just their uni-golds suck total ass?

She hands me a letter from the lab, which further says "a non-reactive HIV 1/2 antibody result does not exclude HIV infection since the time frame for seroconversion is variable. If acute HIV infection is suspected, antibody retesting and nucleic acid amplification (HIV DNA/RNA) testing is recommended."

So she says "come back in six months, we'll see what happens." Does she expect it to change? She says no but can't promise, of course... but this is nonsensical. Nowhere have I seen males test false positives on blood tests, just on oral fluid... so guys, what's the deal? Am I voted off the island back into the Am I? or someone I love is infected forums? Or is this a hiatus until the retest? Does anyone think it'll be positive?

Thanks for all the good wishes and messages, guys. Especially Ann... your note made me cry in a good way. And I know either way, I've made some good friends like Jenny, and still hope to make more.

Look Prayer.... Having a partner that is POZ is very important as well. Do what I do, I talk to my counselor about my worries about my son and his girlfriend and dump all my anxiety on the therapist. It really helps!!

I think what other posters are trying to say to you is that many tests come back false positive. It does not mean that you are HIV+. By swirling around with repeated questions can only frustrate you in long run not to mention posters that are really trying to help you.

You need to concentrate on what your partner needs in line of support and seek counseling for yourself as well. You have said that you are confused and lonely but think about your partner and his needs. It helps to concentrate on others, get involved and you will find that your fears start to abate.

Your partner needs you to be strong so you need to start absorbing all the education you can and that means to read and listen....

Hug your partner, wear a condom but don't forget that the human touch heals the most.

Beautifully spoke Jude. Good luck prayer. I am happy your story has a happy ending for you. Remember these last 7 days and use them to educate others that still have no clue about HIV and the many issues you had to face while going through the testing process. Don't get upset with the system....false positive tests do happen....but they are very rare. You are someone special. Continue to follow your dreams in college and know you can make it.

So, I guess to sum it up... Ann was right all along (back in my Am I? post, her comment "My gut feeling (and my guts are famous) is that you're going to be just fine. Hang in there.") wasn't she?

I'm guessing no one here is thinking there will be for me that elusive and dreaded "late seroconversion." And I suppose, like Jan and good old cantankerous Rapid said, I've no business in this section if I'm negative... but I hope it stays constant. I hold all of you, even those who had harsher ways to say things to me, dear to my heart and hope I can stay on in some spectral manner by virtue of my love having the condition precedent. Just hope some of y'all will still talk to me!

Thanks for the memories, friends, and God bless all of you. I'll only return to the "I just tested" forum if a subsequent test is discordant, but I'm in no real hurry to test again either... a month or two should suffice, eh? (And if that happens, which it shouldn't, I'll wait until something more than a rapid test says +.)

I learned alot from the fear... and the false positive (as we're calling it) was an eye-opener. I will NEVER judge a person who has HIV, as I did long ago, as "dirty" or "diseased" because the truth is most of the poz friends I've seen on here are better in health and spirit than most of the people I know in the "real world."

Lots of love, and lots of hope, from my heart to yours... You all are the true survivors and beacons of hope.

I checked your first post on these forums and looked at my calendar. Your test at PP was done in week ten. You don't have to wait six months for your end-of-window period result, you can test the week of October sixth.

You got a false positive result. As the woman told you, it happens. That's why we kept telling you to hang fire until you got your confirmatory WB. PP correctly didn't do a WB on your second test because it wasn't positive - and the test where they draw a whole vial of blood is one you can trust a lot more than the rapid tests.

You can test again in October for peace of mind. I don't expect you to get anything other than another negative result and neither should you. It might be worth it to NOT get a rapid test, just on the off-chance you get another false positive.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

And all of that weight loss wasn't a "symptom" -- it was due to unfounded, or semi-founded, acute anxiety. Be careful of that mind-over-matter thing the next time, and maybe try and throw back some protein shakes and regain your appropriate weight.

And to be fair, the mind is a monster right now. It refuses to see on paper and accept totally. But my doc's said my crazy thoughts like the lab mixing it up or doing it wrong or giving my result to another person are untrue, and that if those were real symptoms of COURSE the elisa would be positive by now.

Back to school life and the silly old things like worrying about what to eat and what to wear... and now how to be there for my b/f.

I thought you said that you see a psychiatrist regularly? How regularly? And have you been diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder? I'm no shrink, but you seem to exhibit all of the traits of this. Might be a good idea to go over all of this with someone that knows the signs, because this can't possibly be healthy for your mind.

Oh, and I see you keep reading threads on this board even now that you know you're negative. That's not particularly letting go. Just sayin'

Aight, Betty and philly... I get it... I'm not in positive accoring to the elisa, regardless of the first test, so get the heck out... sorry for responding to the well-wishing responders. To make it even easier, I'll log out so no one will see me haunting here. But for the well-wishes, thanks... just try to be a little understanding that it hasn't sunk in totally?

God bless...

EDIT: and I offended philly without realizing it, so I apologize. I just felt attacked because for all intents and purposes the clinician had said to get in touch with support groups because the result was unlikely to change... I didn't mean to be unwelcome. I don't even think I deserved a neg any more than anyone on here!