Did you ever dream that you were a dog agility super champ except then it switched and you were at some germy, grungy, derelict seaside park in the dark and the carnies were actually drug addled zombies that were shambling after you with hammers and their big teeth? And then as you're trying to escape your way out from under their oily, horrible claws by clambering up a rat infested palm tree, you're all, this is about dog agility like, how?

07 July 2010

Some important things that we learn from watching our dog agility videos that will be addressed, soon, after I eat desert again.

Wardrobe malfunction. Flappy western shirts do not exactly hide muffin top wraparound gut, and look sort of like a weird, floaty cape. Any sneakers suitable for dog agility are just plain old ugly. Snug plaid shorts? Oh lord. What was I thinking? My sense of fashion reality wafts around, hovers, doesn't quite ever land on the planet.

Posture. While yoga classes may have ruined the reliable recall, they used to do wonders on Miss America-like posture. This has regressed into slouchy, small dog leaning hunchback.

Voice yelling. I am a repeaty yeller. Come Here Come Here Come Here! Perhaps a more reliable recall would not require all suggestions to dog to be shouted out in triplicate.

Messy hair. One day in a cap. One day capless. No matter what, just a big, disheveled hair nest. In my mind, I have a flowing, blonde pony tail that trails behind my smooth shaped head in the breeze and that is shiny and yellow. In the video, this is a waddded up mass of mess and gives off an air of sweaty.

Fast running. Before chubbariffic (see above), I was a fastrunner. That extra muffin top I'm carting around slows me down. In dog agility, to be a slow runner, you must be a super trainer. I am going with the fast running. We practiced fast running in the forest yesterday evening, up and down the hill to the spring box.

I am sure there are more learning tidbits to be gleaned from watching my runs on video. Maybe I'll even get my very own video camera someday. Now who's going to take me shopping?

Laura Hartwick, Captain

Many people around Santa Cruz know Laura as the lady with all those little black dogs. Many people know her as a horse trainer. Many people know her as the artist with the small brushes. Many people know her as that hoity graphic designer.
None of them would be wrong.
All the dogs of Team Small Dog, righteously awesome.
Laura Hartwick is usually a nice person. Except when she isn't. Be nice, don't bite, and run faster.