Suzhou is much calmer than all the places we have visited so far. But the locals still make a hell of a din wherever you go! We stayed away from the malls and shopping centres and spent our time in the more chilled out chong-wick (Chiswick) area, it is full of quiant boutiques, restaurants, bars and cycle rickshaws.

The Tai Hu lake is worth the visit for a couple hours doing nothing, shame about the four hour round trip. Take it from us, when they say it will take an hour, double it to get your actual time of arrival.

Suzhou is famous for its numerous vast gardens and in true Mullets style we went to the smallest and least visited one, which was pretty spectacular. The layout of the garden helped us to decide on the design of our property, which we intend to build when we become millionaires

Getting a foot massage is a must in China. Getting one done in Suzhou by two blind comedians is even better. Well worth the 100yuan and more.

From Suzhou we decided to travel by boat down your actual Grand Canal to Hangzou. We got convinced by the hostess that we really should upgrade to executive class, as the room was "leally beattytiful only 6 eighty eighty." It was truly amazing. We had a double bed, with a wardrobe (we were really going to unpack for the twelve hour journey ahead of us), a flat screen television, and a large ensuite. There was also a balcony, which was at the bow, above the driver, where we sat until sunset and watched the mayhem on the canal. After a few collisions overnight we arrived in Hangzou.

Hangzou is famous for the lake, which is really beautiful. It is 3 kms from North to South and abit more from West to East. To ensure we adquately covered the lake area, on the first day we walked around it, on the second we cycled around it, on the third we used the electrical mini bus and the touring bus, we really consider that we did the lake justice. During our time here we were photographed and gawped at continuously, so we decided to play "when they point and laugh we reciprocate" they love it

. The sad thing is that they tell their children to stare at the strange westerners too.

The place was peaceful and serene, until 1st October, when our room rate increased and the place was mobbed. The start of the seven day Chinese holiday. Lesson learnt don't be in China during this time.

We enjoyed another crispy duck, which arrived with the ducks amputated head all marinated and smiling up at us. Another couple decided on a massive bowl of soup to share, doubt they will make that mistake again - he fished out the chicken's head complete with comb. And then the feet! They soon realised the bowl was that big for a reason - there was a whole chicken in it. Lucky we found our favourite equivalent of Waga Mamas in town.

Whilst we remember, all the babies and toddlers walk with their trousers cut out around their nether regions. Is it for:-1. Airing;2. Hygiene; or 3. Pooh and wee down your leg wherever you happen to be to save on nappies.You decide.