Archive for December 31st, 2012

God, I feel rough this morning, last night’s party was great, although I did make an arse of myself. I couldn’t believe how nervous I felt about it and I couldn’t pin point what it was that I was nervous about. Imogen was trying to tease me that I was worried about meeting his parents, but that wasn’t it. Anyway, we were finally ready after a mammoth getting ready session where I had to practically fight Imogen off with a bayonet as she advanced on me with make up and hair stuff. We had already had a bit to drink, but I felt like having a bit more to “steady my nerves” bad sign I know. So when we got to Matt’s I was already a little worse for wear, but thought that I was managing to pull it off. We stayed out of the way of any parents and their friends and set up camp in the conservatory. It was a good evening of chatting and drinking and stuff. Then Imogen went off and had a dance with some cousin or other who was down and Matt and I had a chance to be on our own. After a bit of snogging where he had done some groping as well, we suddenly got onto the subject of sex, I think it was mostly my fault as I was kind of worrying about that and having had a few drinks I suddenly have a tendency to bear far too much of my soul. I can’t believe some of the stuff I was saying – it took me half an hour to pull my head out from under my duvet this morning in shame. I was so corny and told him that I hadn’t had sex before and wasn’t sure if I wanted to yet, but that if I did, he would be my choice – I can’t believe it, the shame of it and what was worse is that he was just chatting away as if I wasn’t revealing my inner secrets like a plate of dinner. He is not a virgin, I know he told me that he’d had sex with his last girlfriend, but I don’t know if there had been anyone else. I’m not going to talk to him for a few days, it’s too embarrassing.