I know exactly on which day ‘forever’ falls. How do I know that? Let me tell you the story. I was in love with a woman, whom I thought was my twin soul. When I was with her, I could have sworn that she thought the same, silly me. Well, maybe she did but then, as is a woman’s prerogative and often man’s downfall, she changed her mind.

She actually pulled my sleeve a couple of times, with a twinkle in her eyes, telling me: “Hey, you, come back down to Earth, will you!” I was in seventh heaven and floating on cloud nine, but it wasn’t to be. First of all, she was a young widow and then, to top it all off, her beloved mother, who was my best friend, by the way, died of cancer. Those two deaths in two years time, messed her up to such an extent, that she decided she had to be alone, to recover from it all.

In no way was I to blame, she told me. Intellectually, I could understand this, of course. But my shattered heart was not so understanding. The higher you fly, the deeper the fall. This is how I know, that forever falls on March 31st. For she left me on April first, leaving me feeling like a fool and that the joke was on me.

This episode taught me a valuable lesson in survival. After six months of pure, unadulterated hell, I was ready to call it a day, but my indomitable spirit came to the rescue. It told me to stop hurting myself over something that could not be changed and to finally accept the fact, that she wouldn’t have me in her life anymore (for whatever reason). Acceptance is the key, hard though it may be. And believe you me, it was damned hard.

Three years later, I met a beautiful, wayward, gypsy princess, who swore to me, that she would love me till her dying day. We were inseparable and she told me, that I was the best thing that ever happened to her. And then, she had a brain hemorrhage and passed away, at the tender age of twenty-eight. She had kept her word, my sweet love, but…strike two! As you may imagine, I was a trifle upset with the Big Guy upstairs. There is supposed to be a reason for everything, but the only thing is, often I can’t see it.

So, I have been alone for almost five years. I’m a bit anxious to even look at another woman, for fear of “what next?”. And the misery of it all is that I do so love to love. “Without love, life has no meaning!” someone said. In my opinion, he or she was right. Rest assured that I have not given up hope.

In that, I agree with Rabbi Nachman from Breslav, who admonished us by categorically stating: “It is forbidden to despair!” Those are wise words and well worth listening to.But where is miss right? I am here, ready, willing and most of the time able. Fortunately, even though I am generally an impatient man, when it comes to things that really matter, I have the patience of a monk. And face it, until she shows up, I shall need it. But Lady, be warned, I have some serious hugging and kissing to catch up on!

It’s easy to be passionate with a new lover, but being passionate with one lover for life merits a little “practical magick” on the part of both individuals in my opinion.

Since human beings are not designed to remain in a perpetual state of physical, spiritual and emotional arousal, we must consider the art of renewable passion. This is a craft that must be practiced and honed, nurtured and studied. Nothing precious ever magickally appears to us without a measure of devotional sacrifice. To believe so is to believe in fairy tales. While fairy tales are pretty and they feel really good, sadly, they are never quite “true” are they?

Most of us feel the desire to attract a “romance” rooted soul mate, that one lover in all of the universe that will love us forever without conditions or terms. That one soul that will forgive us for our tragic humanity and look the other way when we aren’t beautiful or loving or patient or yeilding.

We know that this is possible because most of us have witnessed a kind old couple or two in our own lifetimes that appear to have faithfully and passionately loved one another for sixty or seventy years. We’ve seen them laugh and cry together year after year, through joyous markers and through personal tragedy, and we ask ourselves, “How has their love managed to endure this life?”
We have noted that their eyes light up and their voices soften when their beloved one enters the room. If we are sensitive enough and we posess the ability to “see” energies, we can not only feel their love for one another, but we can actually visualize the strength of their bond as a forceful circle of sacred fire around them. We feel ourselves moving closer to them, drawn to their magick, we want to somehow warm ourselves by the heat and power of their magickal union.

We ask ourselves, “What secret have they discovered? Will they share it, are there words for it, how would we ask, and if we asked, would they pass a knowing smile and make us work it out for ourselves? After all, isn’t shared love as unique as souls, as fingerprints, as faces?”

How can two people remain in passionate love and yet remain in a constant state of change and evolution? Aren’t we all different than we were twenty years ago, haven’t our tastes changed, haven’t our interests changed, haven’t several of our closest one time “BEST” friends fallen by the wayside and new friends stepped into those hallowed places in our hearts, aren’t lovers the same? Don’t we grow out of one another at some point? Is the secret to longevity to simply be tolerant of the other and refuse to part ways, to dig our toes in and hang in there until we die, miserable or not? Is the secret of an enduring coupling rooted in determination and resignation alone? Surely not, or surely not always? What would account for that pure unmistakeable love that is ever shining in those elder couple’s eyes after decades together?

I am no sage, I am not a miracle worker either. I don’t claim to stir up a magickal elixer that will create a dumbstruck lover that will serve and please anyone for a lifetime, that isn’t possible in the craft that I practice. I work with energy, not two dollar potients and charms. I don’t tout anything that will make love magickally last forever, you have to cast that circle, and stir that cauldron for yourselves.

I only know of one formula that might do the trick and that formula is something I will call “renewable passion” and it’s based on one honest principal, which is born of an exotic blend of shared compassion, shared forgivness, shared kindness and shared desire. The four elements of lasting love as I see it.

There is no hooey capable of the craft of creating a sacred fire field around the joining of two souls. I do believe that if you look into your lovers eyes and within the light of that individuals eyes, you experience not only the fire of physical desire, but you also experience warmth, caring, kindness and safety…. you’re getting there. You have a starting point.

If your goal is to open yourself to a soul mate, here’s one big hint. Never make love to him/her with your eyes closed, because you’ll miss the best part. Within and beyond your beloveds eyes is entrance to the pathway to their very soul, so don’t you tread there unless you mean it or sadness is bound to befall you both. If you cross that threshold with disceptive intentions…this is the boldest and most deceptive lie that you will ever tell, This is the most unholy form of trespass. Be responsible for yourself, be decent.

If you are ready, to give and to recieve true lasting love, and you know that the person you are with is feeling this same pull, this is the moment! This is when the true marriage of souls is possible, this is the moment of decission, this is when your hearts desire is suspended somewhere in time and space, but, you have to decide if you want to go any further to realize the manifestation of your desire?

You must understand that in loving someone completely and infinitely, you will surely give away parts of your will, for in going forward, there is always the leaving behind….as you cross from a solitary life into a shared life, your own gateways to eternity are opening and in this process, you will bleed away a certain measure of your solitary welfare. Don’t fool yourselves, nothing precious is ever painless. You don’t get something in return for nothing, it isn’t possible. If there isn’t a sense of falling away from yourself in this process, if there isn’t fear, it isn’t real.

This is the point of no return, if you have changed your mind…get back into your own body, change the energy flow and break the spell you have woven and let it be known that you cannot go further. It’s not too late yet….and mind your words because “words are things” be careful, don’t toy with vulnerable half opened souls! You must be of one mind, you must share the desire for a wholy complete union if you truly want to share your eternal love with a soul mate, adjust your energy accordingly, be aware, be fair and be earnest.

If you do choose to seize the moment, that shared and holy moment of mutual invitation, that trembling moment of total elemental surrender, that moment of falling away, that conjuration of two small hopeful loves becoming one infinite force …that very moment in time is where destiny and fate are left gasping for their first united breath, a breath which is born of an exotic blend of shared compassion, shared forgiveness, shared kindness and shared desire. The four elements of lasting love as I see it.

There is no hooey capable of the craft of creating a sacred fire field around the eternal joining of two souls. I do believe that if you look into your lovers eyes and within the light of that individuals eyes, you experience not only the fire of physical desire, but you also experience a sense of warmth, of caring, of kindness and of safety…. you’re getting there. Also, does your name feel safe in this person’s mouth?

If so, you have a starting point.
One thing though….please please please…never make love to him/her with your eyes closed. At some point, you must gather yourself and look into the eyes of your lover or you’ll miss the portal entirely. Within and beyond your lovers eyes (if this is the ONE) is the undeniable entrance to the stores of their love for you. You have to look around for yourself in there if you’re serious!
Even if you’re curious~ don’t play around with anyone’s heart, unless you can freely return those stores of love, sadness is bound to befall you both. If you cross that threshold with deceptive intentions…this is the boldest and most deceptive lie that you will ever tell, This is the most unholy form of trespass. Be responsible for yourself, be decent.

Alright, if you’re ready, if the conditions are right, if love is there, if you are capable of opening yourself to another soul in ways that will make ammendments to every secret place within yourself…go on, enter into that place with perfect love and perfect trust.

IT is done. The “magick” is cast, and every moment from that moment forward, your shared passion is entirely renewable and there is no expiration date…well…not as long as you do not forget to enter the portal, with open eyes, and remember to gaze into and beyond your lovers fear or pain or sorrow, as long as you can see past those mundane details of this life and return to that golden light, to that eager passionate place of decission at the seat of the soul where it all began, again and again.

A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son’s house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in…

She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on
the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

“What are you doing?!” she asked.

“I’m waiting for Mike to come home from work,” the daughter-in- law answered.

“But you’re naked!” the mother-in-law exclaimed.

“This is my love dress,” the daughter-in-law explained.

“Love dress? But you’re naked!”

“Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress,” she explained.” It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he in stantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can’t get enough of me”

The mother-in-law left.

When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch, waiting for her husband
to arrive.

Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively. “What are you doing?” he asked.

Something inexplicable is happening to me. Inside I feel like a young man, who could daintily hop from mountaintop to mountaintop, who is agile in the extreme and above all young at heart. But when I wake up, everything goes „Auch“ and when I look in the mirror some old git stares back at me. Who is this stranger? If this is carnival, why can I not take off my mask? And let us not forget the grotesque suit, which looks bedraggled in the extreme. How could this happen, when inside I still feel like a young and strong Adonis?

Was I perhaps abducted by aliens, who instead of my wholesome, healthy and handsome body, took some cruel pleasure in returning a decrepid replica? Or did the late Oscar Wilde put a reverse curse on me, by forcing me to go through life looking like shite, when some picture of the real and beautiful me hangs on the wall of one of his indifferent progeny? Oscar, wait till I get my hands on you!

Only a couple of years ago, I met this enchanting young women and we got on like a house on fire. It actually clicked and this is a situation that does not occur often. It all went pear-shaped when the young lady came out with the silly notion that she would go or me, but that I was too old! Who? A young spritely filly like me? This is what I wondered, until that accursed mirror brought me back to this insipid reality.

I can not for the life of me understand why some days I feel the weight of several centuries on my shoulders and on other days I feel the wonder of an infant at the sight of what seems mundane to others. I can only hope that I am in the middle of some foul nightmare and that I am bound to wake up very soon. Or else that more people take the trouble to look into my eyes and witness the youth of my soul! Cheerio, folks…

P.S.: For my next reincarnation, I’ve decided that I want to come back as an old man and then progressively grow younger. Question of really going out(or should I say “in”) with a bang!

There is much folklore and legend associated with the Witches Familiar or The Familiar Spirit. I will leave the research up to you and speak from my heart. For me, “A Familiar” is simply a witch’s truest friend. Witches have long been known for their deep association and fondness for their animals. My strong suspicion as to the reason for this has little to do with the animals “magickal support” to the witch and much to do with the familial bonds of compassion and trust.

Witches being especially sensitive human beings, generally form a spiritual connection to their beloved furry friends. In the world of animal rescue, you will find many witchy folks. I do not think the majority of these hard-working, compassionate, devoted human beings actually call themselves witches, but, they are merciful and most are humbled by the pure loving unconditional friendships they unearth within the intimate bonds of the familial relationships to the pets that are in their care.

When you hold your pet and croon to him/her, there is much love and trust projected, this is a spell, and this is an incantation in its own rite. Energy is alive, unknowingly, you have committed a magickal act, and this is good~ for both the witch and the withes “familiar” are of one mind, and, at perfect peace during such an exchange. This is a covenant!

One of my favorite movies of all time is entitled “Bell Book and Candle.” It was made in 1958 and starred Kim Novak (Gillian Holroyd) and James Stewart (Shepard Henderson). The witch in the movie strokes her cat, Pyewacket while she “envisions” what she wants for Christmas. She “wants” the man upstairs ~obediently, Pyewacket summons him, thus begins a tender fantastic Hollywood tale of romance and witchcraft. However, in reality, this is not bad way to spell cast for us real witches, is it?

(I have read that Kim Novak married a veterinarian in real life, so we know, she has excellent care for her current Pyewacket!)

I have witnessed enduring romance, timeless tenderness, eternal passion, and yes, even unceasing lust, in my life and times. I am especially honored by my recollections of one very special elderly couple.

For several years, I worked in the home of a local elderly couple as a private nurse. I was often staying there over night. They asked me to spend my “work” nights in a cozy room, just across the hallway from their extra-large, shared bedroom suite. I had a handy-dandy “baby” monitor by my bed. My job there at night, was to assist the elderly gentleman during the night with his personal care needs and to help the little woman with her own needs, should any arise before dawn. Each night, the short, round, little man was tucked cozily into his full-sized bed on one side of the large room, with his adult diaper on and his oxygen going full blast. He was always happy, always singing me a song before I went to my room for the night, usually a Tony Bennet selection, and always performed with powerful perfection. The short, round, little woman was cozy as well, ensconced in her matching full-sized bed, only a few feet away from her happy, crooner husband. She was ever cheerful, always kind, night after night, year after year.

They both realized that I could hear every breath and every word muttered in their room. Each night, there was the same conversation, mostly, light and airy pillow talk between the two of them, followed by, “I love you darling, I love you too” then, there were more “I love you darlings, and, I love you too’s” Sometimes, he would sing to her until she slept, or they would share happy memories of their children and grandchildren, then, they would giggle in unison from their perspective beds. Sometimes, she would pad across the room and kiss his face or his hands and perhaps gently rub his back for a few moments. He had a habit of caressing her cheek for long tender moments.

In my room across the hallway, I would sometimes silently shed tears, big fat tears, that would fall on the book that I was reading and leave salty stains. I wondered if the great-grandchildren would see those stains one day, and wonder at them? The books I read were from their personal library. I would cry because I knew that his time on earth was short, and I fretted over her coming sorrow. Other times, I would smile to myself and marvel at the ever lasting romance that they shared, at the chemistry that was so evident, even though the flesh, the joints, the bones, the organs, were tired and nearly worn out by now.

I sometimes worked day shift as well, and their behavior was much the same during the day time. I would feed him at the table and she would eat her food by his side and cluck over how much or how little he was eating or not eating, he always smiled at her when she did this. He would break out in song sometimes, and she would run to the piano and play for him. Sometimes, they would turn their special music on, and she would dance and push his wheel chair in little zig zags and circles across the room, he would clap his hands and his face would be as pink as a baby boys face. At those times, they didn’t see me at all, they didn’t feel me on this planet. They were in love and there WAS also lust between them, any fool could see this and feel this, it was as real and as raw as it was when they married, back in 1939.

Those were the times when I would wander to the kitchen for a cup of coffee, and stay in there, until the singing, the dancing and the clapping ceased.

They had been very successful financially, they were well-known, hard-working business owners in town. They were both orphaned as toddlers. They were both from poor immigrant families, they had worked their way to the top in every way. They were well-respected, and highly honored, long time members in good standing of a snooty “country club” that had turned them down repeatedly when they had first applied. (due only to their middle eastern heritage) They had generously supported the local symphony for many years, as they both loved music so dearly. Their large comfortable home was affectionately referred to as the local “United Nations” as they hosted guests from all over the world regularly in their more public days. Their phone rang constantly with well wishers and loving friends, inquiring as to their health and bell being. Their door was open to any and all, even a local homeless woman was welcomed in their home regularly and invited to eat for free at their business, any time the doors were open.

I thought them to be the only perfect family that I had ever known. Their children/grandchildren/greats, were all succesful and caring, their calls and visits came often. However, I knew that no family was ever THAT perfect, so, one day, after I had known them for a couple of years, in a moment of quiet intimacy between the wife and I, I asked her this question.

“Lilly, tell me, he seems like the perfect man, perfect father, perfect husband, but, was he?” “Was he a work- a-holic who never watched even one of his sons little league games, or was he an abusive drunk until he got sober thirty years ago, or did he cheat on you when he was young and agile?” “Was it you, were you a bitter, neglected, shop-a-holic wife, or a hungry, unfulfilled wife with a wandering eye?” “Were you addicted to pills, or any other deviant thing that is far short of who you both are today?”

The Beautiful, little round woman, looked at me with earnest sable eyes and smiled. “No darling, none of those things, the man never missed one little league game or even a scout meeting, boy or girl, and oh, how he has loved me, she shivered and rolled her eyes. She went on, “I too, was a loving, happy, hard-working wife and mother who did an awfully lot of volunteer work for cancer research once the children were older and I had retired from the family business.” (She had survived two bouts with cancer and three strokes in her life) “No, there are no dark secrets, no skeletons in the closet, no bitterness, we just worked, played, and loved each other.” “We adored those three babies that we had, loved them with all of our hearts, but, we never put the children above our shared love, we made one another our first priority, always, and it has worked out fine, don’t you think?” She smiled a radiant smile then, and I bowed my foolish, unbelieving head, and said “yes ma’am, it has indeed.” (they were married sixty-six years at the time of his passing, she is still alive and still quite joyful, she is still living at home at the time of this writing, she is around age 96 now, she is spoiled and adored, and much beloved by her doting family. Last year in fact, I was her traveling companion on a five generational family vacation)

Earlier on this year I came to the terrible realisation that what I had always thought of as love, had in fact been selfishness on my part! Imagine that, it took me almost half a century to figure that out… How thick can you get?

You must know those saying like:

My love for you is so deep that…

What I feel for you is so indescribable and blablablah…

Fair enough, what you are feeling is a wonderful experience, but it misses the point! The point is that you have to take your love out of yourself and bring it to its recipient. To my knowledge there does not yet exist a method for transferring this feeling directly to your lover. I wish there was… oh boy!

But until the happy moment when that process shall be discovered, I can only start by thinking how my being there affects the person that I love. By making my love selfless, I can strive to make a better world for this significant other, instead of merely exulting in my own sentiment.

This feeling of love can for me take epic proportions, but I now have to learn how to disregard it and act in such a way as to make my partner happy. I wrote an email to this effect to a lady that I love and she answered me: “Yeah,,, and?” I recognise that for most women this is self-evident and there are probably many men, who have figured this out long ago, not being as thick as I am…

But when I think about thickness, I think that there may be just one or two men, who might benefit from my words, hence this little article, which I hereby share with you!

Deep in the folds of my love´s embrace,
I bide my time, waiting for the hurt to heal.
One by one I pick up the pieces of my shattered soul and then,
like a frightened child, I hold them up to the mother of my love,
to kiss them and make me whole again!