We are at 3 months and I just do not want to talk about it or think about it anymore. He is doing everything right. He has admitted 100% blame, he is working on "us", and is actually listening to me for once. I was so happy last week, now I don't even want to talk about the A or think about it. I even told him last night that if he didn't want to have sex with me because he was tired I was sure someone out there would be more then willing to. What the heck is wrong with me? I do not want to turn into some old cranky hag. I just can't think about it anymore right now. It is exhausting me. I am taking time for myself at the gym. He does not push me and gives me space. Am I just going crazy? I want us to be happy and work on R. I just think I want to kill him at the same time. Normal or not?

BW 41(me)
WH 41
DDay 1 07/31/13 ONS with beaverface
DDay 2 05/09/14 texts to another woman (not returned)
I live a real life fairy tale. I married prince charming. He kissed a troll. He turned into a frog.

Posts: 240 | Registered: Sep 2013

Raven96♀ 40298Member # 40298

Posted: 8:42 AM, October 14th (Monday), 2013

Three months is still really early, so it is okay for you to feel this way. You are not a "cranky hag." HE did this. HE must deal with the consequences, which is your devastation!

I think it is okay to try not to think about it every single day, but that is very hard to do. I'm glad you're going to the gym for yourself. Keep doing that, and do more for yourself, too!

Are you in IC or MC? I think that is necessary, too, because it is so easy to get into the "I don't want to think about it anymore" phase and then rugsweep. I did that the first time, and he cheated again. I'm NOT letting it go this time.

IC for him will be good, too, because he's got to get to the root of why he did this. It is in no way your fault!!

Just something to consider. You are NOT going crazy, though. I promise you, your feelings are normal! Don't ever forget that!!!!

Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013

tushnurse♀ 21101Member # 21101

Posted: 10:54 AM, October 14th (Monday), 2013

(((heartbroken)))

I think we do reach a point all of us where you dont' want to think about it, talk about it, or deal with it.

I think it is a way for our brain to protect ourselves, and stop the chaos for a while. I believe it is referred to as the flat plane of R. It is a tricky time, because the tendency is to let things go, and ignore the elephant in the room, but the pitfall of it, is you tend to ignore so long that you don't even see it, that's when it will trample you.

It's OK to need a break from it all. It is ok for you to take a weekend away with some friends, or even by yourself. It's also ok to take a weekend alone, together, and agree that you are just going to enjoy each others company, no A talk.

You need to step back, and get a breath of fresh air, reinvigorated to really jump in and start down the road of healing. Til this point it's been primarily about the pain, and hurt, and just surviving day to day.

If you've asked all the questions you want to ask, and he's answered them, it may make a lot of sense to stop talking about it.

But your comment about being able to find other people to have sex with sounds like rage, and it sounds like there are things that are still unresolved for you. That makes sense, too, since 3 months is almost never enough time to do anything but decide to rug-sweep.

I think what you're going through is pretty normal - just don't stuff your feelings if they come up again.

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 70 (22 in my head), Married 45+, together since 1965, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
I'm not an exemplar. I share my own experience because it's all I know.