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3.08.2013

it's friday so let's start the weekend off with a bang, shall we? and by a bang, a mean a slap in the face. here are a few people that i think deserve it...

1. justin bieber. for starters, the little ass-clown shares my birthday. also, for looking like rachel maddow. and for dressing like a cartoon character. and for being obnoxiously talented. and for just being totally obnoxious. i. can't. stand. justin. bieber. and while i'm at it, if you're over the age of 19, you should never admit to liking him either. people are judging you.

2. nyc winters. so far, they just suck. wind, sleet, rain, snow. it just can't make it's mind up and as someone who craves sunshine like a tween craves a sighting of the aforementioned douche bag, winter is just not my thing up here. plus, it is impossible to look chic in a down jacket. i resemble the michelin man on most days. sexaaayyyy.

3. shake shack and their mother fucking smoke stack burger. good jehovah that thing is sinful. it has some sort of sauce on it whose ingredients i really don't need to know of. it's probably 94% mayonnaise and i'd drink it if it wouldn't disgust my table mates. i inhaled the burger so quickly that my husband even gave me the 'wow, that was really unattractive' face... i would've eaten two if not for my vanity and pride (and the thirty minute line to order another one). lord, don't even get me started on their french fries.

4. nyc therapists. if i told you how much i have to pay someone an hour to listen to me bitch and cry, you'd shit your pants. but they prescribe drugs that my friends can't. so there's that.

5. nyc dog owners. not all of them, just the ones who let their dogs poop on sidewalks and don't pick it up. do you know how maddening it is to get home from running errands and while you're putting the groceries up, you notice your babe playing with the stroller like she always does. then you smell something. then you spy something brownish-yellow on her fingers. and before she can put her mouth on the wheels and source of the shit, you do a ninja-like swoop and grab her just so she can put her shit covered fingers on your face. true story.

happy friday, friends! let's have a day free of ass-clown bieber, full of snow (that's what winter is deciding to do all day today in the city), a big ass burger and fries, a tearless therapy session, and non-shit covered babies.

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