Monday, February 11, 2019

When "Figure Out Life" is a Task for the Day...

When figuring out life, a fire is needed (also to keep off chills).

While cleaning off my desk in my office at school, I found a
“To Do” list that had one of the items listed as “figure out life.” It was the
only task on that list not marked off as completed. Who would have thought that
figuring out life would be so difficult?

I’m also now questioning exactly what was going on in my
head when I thought to put that down on as a “To Do” task? It was several tasks
down on the list, so perhaps I had something stressful happen that day? I’m not
sure. What I do know is that if I went so far as to write it down, it must have
been necessary in the moment!

For me to “figure out life,” it must mean that I really want
to figure out what I’m going to do besides what is going on right now. I know I
have it pretty great at my current school, with just a few things that drive me
absolutely bonkers. It could be much, much worse. I’ve experienced much, much
worse at another school. Like many great things, they do eventually come to an
end. It could be that my principal retires and we get someone fairly awful as a
replacement. It could be that my role as librarian completely changes, which is
in the realm of possibility, for sure. It could also mean that opportunities
arise that would mean my whole career path changes.

All of this thinking of “it could mean” does kind of scare
me. I don’t have a bullet proof career, and there are many people out there who
could say the same. I do have those moments where I dream of independent work,
where the only boss I have to answer to is me. I don’t know if my current path
through Rachel Pilcher Writing Workshops will lead me there, but I can sure
hope. I know that the surefire way to ensure that it doesn’t would be to not do
a thing to move it in that direction. That would be unacceptable.

I'm pretty sure that I still haven't "figured out life" yet. Maybe I should add it to my tasks every day until I do?