Welcome to the Piano World Piano ForumsOver 2.5 million posts about pianos, digital pianos, and all types of keyboard instruments
Join the World's Largest Community of Piano Lovers
(it's free)
It's Fun to Play the Piano ... Please Pass It On!

and anyone else who would care to respond but Piano Dad I really need your help here....

new student, young man age 10. Dad has brought him to the past 3 lessons and continues to make comments while the child is playing. Way too many comments. "Son, you know you can do that better", "Son, you know that's a c#", on and on.

I am teacher #2.I don't want to offend Dad, because honestly I appreciate his interest in his son's musical instruction. How to best address this?

forgot to mention that in contacting teacher #1, she said neither parent attended the lessons.

I'm not Piano Dad, but if I were you, I'd take the parent aside and be assertive.

"I appreciate that you are so knowledgeable and aware of what's going on in the lessons and you are always welcome to sit in, but I really need to be in better control so I can better teach your son. I'd like to ask that you don't correct him during the lessons. I'll make sure he plays correctly and works on his mistakes; that's what you're paying me for, after all, and I want to do my job as best as I can for you and your son."

There's probably a more tactful way, too, but in the end I think something similar will be your best course of action.

_________________________
A linguistics major who loves piano and knows too much theory/history without knowing how to play it as well as he wants to be able to.

Let's hope that changes. Taught piano for almost two years and currently working on:"Going back to the basics..."

I am an 'involved' dad as well :-) I don't think I go near this level of participation during the lessons, but I am certainly not completely passive either. Also, I have the highest regard for my daughter's teacher -- she has done wonderful things for my daughter's musical development.

Just tell the dad directly about what the limits are during the lessons. If the dad does not agree, it won't work over the long haul anyway.

Yep - I'm a permanent fixture in daughter's lessons, but I sit there and don't interrupt unless questioned or invited to comment.

I think you need to make clear what the level of acceptable participation is and in all probability this parent will be devastatingly embarrassed that what he thinks is helping is actually interrupting.

_________________________
Parent....Orchestral Viola player (stictly amateur)....Hack Pianist.... (faded skills from glory days 20 yrs ago)Vague Guitar & Bass player.... (former minor income stream 15 yrs ago)Former conductor... (been a long time since I was set loose with a magic wand!)

there is a reason i let my kids play thru a song and not interrupt them.. sometimes they get it better on the 2nd line.. sometimes a big mistake in technique is revealed. - the kids are much more relaxed if allowed to show what they have practiced.

_________________________
accompanist/organist.. a non-MTNA teacher to a few

The dad is trying to show you that he is involved, is aware, is musically competent.

I would establish limits in a friendly, off-the-cuff way. "No comments from the peanut gallery." or "Everybody's a critic." or even a quick, "shhh."

If it persisted, I would tell him casually that it was refreshing to have such an involved parent, but that during lessons I really need to be the only teacher. Team-teaching during lessons would be counter-productive because I might be listening for or working on different things.

Barb, I do not have experience with a parent of a 10 year old sitting in on lessons. Yet my policy is that a parent is welcome to observe.

I would ask the parent if he intends to observe all lessons. And then ask what he hopes to gain from it. I'd let him know that I don't think it is necessary. Still, I'd let him know that I allow one parent at a time to observe, but prefer that they do not comment during the lesson, unless to clarify a point with me.

The dad is trying to show you that he is involved, is aware, is musically competent.

This may be right, but this is not about the Dad, but the student! If the Dad wants to be musically involved, he should take piano lessons himself.

My 10-year-olds usually come to their lessons alone, we keep a diary, so at home, it's clear what the homework is. The parents are always welcome to attend lessons, but if a parent wants to be there every time, I usually take the kid aside and ask him/her, if it's okay that the parent is attending the lessons. From that on, we can work out something new: for example that the parent attends every other lesson, or only the last 10 minutes of every lesson or only on request by the student or me.You need to make clear (it's all been said already) that during the lesson, it's entirely about your student and you. Asking the parent to simply attend quietly is absolutely okay. Something else has been mentioned before: it would be very interesting to know, if and how the Dad interferes with the student's practising. Parents' help can be very valuable, but not all the students are comfortable with it. You may have to discuss this through as well and set up some kind of rules for it in order to make it easier for your student.

_________________________
The piano keys are black and white, But they sound like a million colours in your mind. (Katie Melua)

I hope this thread doesn't move in the direction of parent-bash / parent-defense. I don't think that's the point here.

This behavior is extreme and dad sounds more than a touch insecure in front of you. This might all go away with a bit of gentle humor on your part.

Yes this could be the case. I appreciate all replies here. The fact that you say this dad's behavior is "extreme" is especially helpful, as you were very involved and supportive in your son's musical learning experiences, and have shared much with us here. And you are right that I don't want to turn this into a parent bashing or defensive debate. I am coming from the standpoint of appreciating this dad for his involvement, and want to stay positive. We teachers need supportive parents!But this dad is over the top and I need to nip this in the bud. In addition, both parents are a bit insecure right now I think because I am a brand new teacher for their kids.

So far, no one asked about the sun that is getting the lesson. I can well imagine that HE is being getting annoyed by his dad tracing every of his steps. The particular comments that you put into his mouth are not very encouraging either so I think he would be better off without his dad sitting there.

I hope this thread doesn't move in the direction of parent-bash / parent-defense. I don't think that's the point here.

This behavior is extreme and dad sounds more than a touch insecure in front of you. This might all go away with a bit of gentle humor on your part.

Yes this could be the case. I appreciate all replies here. The fact that you say this dad's behavior is "extreme" is especially helpful, as you were very involved and supportive in your son's musical learning experiences, and have shared much with us here. And you are right that I don't want to turn this into a parent bashing or defensive debate. I am coming from the standpoint of appreciating this dad for his involvement, and want to stay positive. We teachers need supportive parents!But this dad is over the top and I need to nip this in the bud. In addition, both parents are a bit insecure right now I think because I am a brand new teacher for their kids.

Yes, I think this is extreme.

I will admit that on occasion I would "approach the bench," so to speak, to ask the teacher something or note something that I had observed at home, but constant interruption is completely counterproductive.

Does the kid basically look at dad throughout the lesson, waiting either for approval or rebuke? If so, you need to press the reset button! Gently, of course.

You do want a supportive parent, and a knowledgable one can be your best ally. But during lesson time there can be only one master. And even at home, the kid has to be able to take a breath or two without constant correction and nagging. A parent should be able to be in the room without distracting the student. Just read a newspaper or magazine! You'll still be able to follow along when needed.

For the first couple of years, I was the teacher's proverbial right hand, yet I too was "banished" from the room for a short while (a month or so, if I recall). I went, and did so without complaint. I understood that the teacher needed some complete and undivided attention. Later, I was deliberately brought back into the lesson and shown exactly what the teacher was trying to accomplish. It goes both ways. She knew I was her teaching assistant at home ... whether she liked it or not.

So she used that situation to her (and to my son's) advantage. Could things have gone better if I had become a potted plant? Who knows. Idle speculation.

I will admit that on occasion I would "approach the bench," so to speak, to ask the teacher something or note something that I had observed at home, but constant interruption is completely counterproductive.

Interesting - apart from the use of past tense instead of present tense I could have written this post almost word for word! (although I haven't been put in the 'sin bin' and banished from lessons yet!).

I'm probably more actively involved in daughters violin lessons than her piano - but thats because her teacher makes a point of involving me - asking me to watch from certain angles, comment on various technical aspects, occasionaly accompanist duties etc etc (even getting me to engineer a crude 'bow correction tool' out of a toilet roll tube, a pair of scissors and a couple of blobs of bluetack!). But still my involvement is driven entirely by teacher direction and she remains the undisputed 'director' of the 3 person team!

_________________________
Parent....Orchestral Viola player (stictly amateur)....Hack Pianist.... (faded skills from glory days 20 yrs ago)Vague Guitar & Bass player.... (former minor income stream 15 yrs ago)Former conductor... (been a long time since I was set loose with a magic wand!)

Yep - I'm a permanent fixture in daughter's lessons, but I sit there and don't interrupt unless questioned or invited to comment.

Me too - except I'm sitting in on my son's piano lessons. I don't say a single thing unless prompted and our teacher clearly lays this out in the policy. I'm biased towards allowing a parent to sit in if the child is ok with it. If my son ever wanted to take his own notes and kick me out, I'd be fine with it.

I think an involved and engaged parent can be a music teacher's greatest ally. But interrupting during the lesson? Particularly mid-piece? Yikes. I agree this behavior is extreme. I would definitely let the parent know that you appreciate their involvement, but you would prefer to drive the lesson. Maybe give them a moment to say something at the beginning and ask questions at the end. My daughter's violin teacher particularly a nice method of saying to my daughter at the beginning "so if there anything your mom might like to tell me before we start?" and at the end "anything else mom might like to ask before we finish up?". Our piano teacher particularly encourages e-mail use for questions.

Hi, checking in here with an update on this situation.Here's what happened:I had a quick chat with the dad before his son's lesson yesterday and borrowed Minnie may's line suggested in this thread , "sometimes I choose to ignore issues because they're not central to the skill we're working on at the moment". I felt that this went well. Dad was very apologetic and said piano lessons are brand new for him as a parent, he wanted to support his son by sitting in on the lessons, but he was not aware of "piano lesson etiquette". It really is up to us as teachers to not be afraid to bring up issues with parents. I was afraid of offending the dad in this case. But the short discussion went well.He went out and ran an errand during the lesson.

This is awesome, Barb860 -- it sounds like the conversation went the best direction possible! And I love that he's just being over-zealous in his support -- I mean, isn't that way better than not caring? I'm glad this went well for you!