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A Message To Childless Hopeful Parents

A Message to Childless Hopeful Parents

People may think you are not a mom or dad… that you are not a parent, but you are.

YOUR HEART IS LIKE ANY OTHER PARENT.

It has been open to the dream of the day you conceive, the day your child is born, your child’s first birthday, the first time they say those 3 magical words ‘I love you’. You have played out these moments in your heart and mind a million times.

You know the kind of values you’ll want to instil in your child. You already have the traditions from your childhood planned that you want your child to enjoy. Friday family movie night, putting the Christmas tree up the first weekend of December and blowing the light out at night just like your Dad did for you.

YOU LOVE YOUR ‘HOPEFUL CHILD’. YOU DREAM ABOUT THEM ALL THE TIME.

You know that moment in your dream that you discover you actually have a baby! You are SO proud of them. You find yourself bragging about your baby to all your friends, and being so proud at the way you have mastered putting on that diaper. You look at your spouse with such love that you actually have a child together… so YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS to have a child.

You may be spending all of your current time as a doggy mommy or daddy, as you are passing on that love to the closest thing you have control over, and thank god for that doggy (or kitty) as they provide so much love.

This journey of waiting and waiting to officially be a parent means you are ALL IN. You have most likely gone through A LOT to try and become a parent, and the good news is most of you WILL be an official parent one day (whether it’s through successful fertility treatments, adoption or perhaps becoming a step parent). You and your spouse may even naturally become pregnant when you have decided to stop trying.

THIS DRIVE AND DESIRE OF BECOMING A MOM OR DAD MAKES YOU A PARENT.

Hopeful parents; while you are going through this time in your life remember to:

Speak up about your parenting thoughts.

When you’re with friends tell them that you have the heart of a parent, even if you don’t have the specific experience.

Treat yourself and your relationship with utmost care.

It’s extremely important that you treat yourself and partner with love and cherish all the good you have in your life right now.

Practise self care more than any other time in your life.

Your health and well being will get you through the challenges of trying to conceive and for a potential long waiting game. So, look after yourself and be purposeful with your self care routine.

Tell people how you feel.

If they are saying insensitive things to you, tell them that their comments have hurt you. Also, give them your perspective, so they can try and understand your experience a little more. Opening up to friends and family actually does a world of good.

If you feel comfortable – speak out.

Infertility is a lonely place. By talking about it and not keeping it a secret makes it easier on yourself and other hopeful parents out there. Unfortunately, people feel infertility can be a bit of a taboo subject and it shouldn’t be. Remember 1 in 6 Canadian and 1 in 8 American couples are in the same situation as you right now. So talk it out.

Hopeful parents – I wish you all the love and happiness in this world and am sending you copious amounts of baby dust.

Yolanda, I love this post so much .Thank you for bring light on this subject. It is so lonely. When I first started dating my hubs, he had 5 kids from 1st marriage and had just had a vasectomy. He has always told me that if I wanted to try to have kids, he would have it reversed… but i so had my hands full with the 5, it never seemed to make sense to have him go through that. Now our kids are all adults and my dogs take up most of my free time! HA! SO technically I guess I live in the middle of childless by choice and situation. <3 still can feel lonely.

Thanks so much Meg for sharing a little of your story. It always helps to know others experiences so I don’t feel like I’m on an island all alone! As a stepmom of 2 boys and our busy life, I can’t even imagine how things were for you being a stepmom and adopting 5 kids! You are quite the woman and I’m sure your husband realizes how lucky he is to have found you 🙂

This is amazing. I agree 100% with all of it. When I was going through 5 years of fertility treatments, I wasn’t shy about it. I liked being an open book and letting others ask questions. Self care is soooo important during this time too, for me it was therapy.

I NEEDED to hear this. Thank you so much for sharing, My husband and I have been trying for a year and I’m starting to get desperate, asking myself “Why her and not me?” Thank you for sharing. This post came into my life at a wonderful moment.

Thanks so much for sharing this! We’ve been working with my doctors for over a year to get my levels correct so we can start having kids. I’m very happy for all of my friends who are having babies and let me love on theirs, but sad that this is such a painful journey for so many!

Hi Yolanda, I found you on FB. I love this post and I think it’s so needed! My blog is about motherhood but I think there is an audience for this too. Would you be interested in me linking to your article? Maybe I can put a few lines from your post (like a guest post)? Please feel free to email me

Speaking out about my infertility is something I’m so passionate about. It’s amazing how many blogs (like yours!) picked me up when I was just starting on this long and lonely road. I didn’t know anyone going through infertility. It was so good to know I wasn’t alone.

I think when us folks who are going through infertility can connect it makes such a difference. I too have felt lonely, but now that I’m more open about talking it’s amazing how many people I’ve connected with going through the same situation.

I loved this because not only does it speak to the women who are dealing with infertility, but also women who have dealt with pregnancy & infant loss. My best friend lost her son at only 10 days old a little over a year ago and has been trying again. Her journey has been hard & sometimes I don’t know the right words to say to her. I feel like she will benefit so much from reading this. I will be sharing with her. Thanks for your encouraging words!

I can relate to this, I went from not conceiving to miscarriage and then a stillbirth before I finally had my kids. I know that longing to hold your own kids. its never easy but with God everything is possible. I am glad for my testimony today and I give him all the praise.

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Hello!

I'm Yolanda. I love tea, food, the outdoors and a good book. I'm a bonus mom to two boys and just made it official by marrying my soulmate this summer.

PutTheKettleOn.ca explores the feel good ways to live for today. With today's stresses a lot of us think about what we want to have in the future. My goal is to cherish the great things I have right now and make the most of life in the present.

Thanks for stopping by and don’t forget, if you need a little self love – put the kettle on!