Reading Dec 30 ’16

I am in a foul mood because of a few things: J’s mother’s wake the other night/ Jo yesterday/ major time-eating technology problems and city/ architect being VERY difficult in middle of my retaining wall emergency/ and now my mother visit interfered with by bitch-sister.

#1. Just having opened page I am breathing more deeply and THANKFUL that “bitch-sister” at least VISITING mother! That is good for other. I am too impatient and selfish and greedy regarding my own schedule – better bigger picture now.

So here we go:

For Today Dec 29:

With the Past as past, I have nothing to do; nor with the Future as future. I live now and will verify all past history in my own moments. Ralph Waldo Emerson

As I see and feel this moment, all else in my mind is blocked out. I am free of the past and the future. I am living in the now. Aware of sounds and colors, light and shadow, I look outward from myself – and that is freedom. I can notice another, listen with energy. I live life a moment at a time, leaving the moments lived yesterday and those to be lived tomorrow where they belong.

Joy comes from living in the NOW.

For today: I free my mind of yesterday’s mistakes and tomorrow’s hopes. I live in this moment.

My take-away: Must live in the moment must live in the moment. Must meditate.

For Today Dec 30:

To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing. Mark Twain

How many times did I swear off, make promises and resolutions to stop overeating? Sometimes I followed through with a diet, and sometimes I didn’t even start. But, always, the promises – and the diets – were fuel for the compulsion.

It took Overeaters Anonymous to put into words what all my experience should have told me: that I was powerless over compulsive overeating and no promise, no temporary submission to restricted eating would relieve me of my food obsession. in OA I as given a suggested program of recovery and all that was asked of my in return was that I have a desire to stop.

For today: I will allow no one, including myself, to pressure me into promising to lose weight.

My take-away: I feel *different* now. I don’t feel that anyone/thing is pressuring me at all. I feel like I am being given tools to help ME do what *I* want have what *I* want. (which is no longer only some vague definition of “health,” but REAL health PLUS looks and self-esteem and confidence and how others look at me can feel good to me too even. Something about taking care of mySELF.

Voices of Recovery Dec 29

“Sponsors, OA friends, meetings, and literature are wonderful sources of help for us. We wouldn’t want to be without any of these resources because we often find God speaks to us through them.” The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, p. 98

As a compulsive overeater, I tend to overdo almost everything, including service. I think naturally want to mother and take care of everyone, putting myself at the bottom of my list.

My sponsor recognizes my symptoms and gently reminds me that I may have too many things on my plate. She suggests that I check with my Higher Power before committing to something that may put me into overload. Sometimes she asks, “Do you need to decide today?” My response is usually “no.” This means that I can let it go for a while and deal with it if i comes up again. God speaks to me through other people, especially my sponsor, when I listen.

My take-away: I WANT to have a sponsor. But I have had such bad experiences. Many! i mean real problems – not with me not wanting to listen, but with their crazies. Will see… Maybe will have to have temporary sponsor for a step then another temporary for another step etc.