Flashback: The problems with phones

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Editor’s note: Phil Bowhay is under the weather this week, here’s one of his old favorites:

Where’s the phone? Where’s the PHONE!” Damn thing is ringing and you can’t find it, either of them!

Back in the good old days that was never a problem. The phone was hanging on the kitchen wall, attached to the wall with a cord, or on the desk in the bedroom, on a cradle, also attached to the wall. Now I know how convenient it is, once you find the phone, to walk outside for a private conversation or take it with you when you enter the bathroom, and after all, our time is worth something! I try not to leave the thing in the potting shed or the laundry hamper, but my mind is usually busy with cabbages and kings .. and then the phone rings.

My well organized kids and grandkids wear their phones on their hips or hanging from the neck, handy, of course, if they want to text or take a picture. I have been advised to do the same, but then there’s the low battery problem. We’re talking landline here, but similar logistics hang with high priced cell phones. Sure, I have one, grossly under utilized, and haven’t you noticed your tech friends, eyes glued to their palms, now suffering from a sort of personality disorder? Always ill at ease, easily distracted, but able to tell at a push of the button that the Dow is up or down (10 minute delay.) Used to be when we heard somebody strolling down the street, talking loud to nobody in particular, we suspected low on meds, but now they laugh as they chat, waving their arms, a strange black gadget in the ear and we recognize a real communicator. (Good Lord, did you hear what she said?)

Back in the good old days we had phone booths which were handy for all sorts of activity, private or otherwise. In this neck of the woods there are plenty of port-a-potties, and I suppose you could step into one of these, whip out your phone and call home. No trick now to call across the country or some other country, and it wasn’t too long ago that we shouted Quiet! I’m on long distance.

By the way, don’t drop your iPhone. Apple will fix the broken glass in just a few minutes, but there are better ways to spend $200 plus.

Ma Bell had to teach us how to use a dial phone, and then we learned how to touch! Tough if you have long nails or stubby fingers. Old story that after Ike retired – remember? He was president! – he had to learn how to place a call.

Imagine the tedium of entering your credit card on a rotary dial, and now how easy on a touch! Even better, just say the number and an elf in a closet in Bombay takes care of the rest!

And winding this up, no wonder the post office is a little short on revenue. We used to write letters —- with stamps!