February 14, 2005

the tesh experiment

One day Jess and I got to talking about John Tesh and how we're both simultaneously intrigued and horrified by his fame. During our conversation, memories of the Tesh Cam came flooding back and I excitedly informed Jess of this virtual playground. A former coworker had tipped me off to it several years ago and many a day was spent in her office staring at The Tesh as he composed love songs to God and his beloved Connie Selleca. You know, for years I watched Entertainment Tonightcompletely oblivious to the fact that he was a holy roller.

But that's neither here nor there. So, I scrounged around Google and found us the Tesh Cam. Jess and I were hoping to see that freakishly-tall towhead tickling the ivories in real time. We were SO ready to be all snarky and judgmental. However, much to our dismay, the camera was fixed on an empty mailroom. Where was The Tesh? How come we couldn't see him writing his patented brand of bland instrumental cheese?

We checked back several times that week and the same disappointing visual awaited. While annoyed, there was a shared concern about the disturbing lack of activity in his mailroom's in-box. Where was the love from his rabid fan base? I didn't admit it outright but I felt kinda bad for The Tesh.

So for the next couple of weeks Jess and I took turns checking in and reporting on the disheartening lack of camera movement. And then we grew bored and found something else to obsess over. The Tesh was soon forgotten.

Fast forward several months later to me looking for a site I had bookmarked. During my search, the words "John Tesh Website - Tesh Cam" leapt out of my Favorites menu just screaming to be clicked. So I obliged... and saw that fucking mailroom again. What the hell?!? What kind of user experience is this?

No longer content to just sit and stew over the static camera placement, I took action this time! Okay, so I assumed a new identity and used a disposable Gmail account created just special for the occassion but it was action nonetheless. Behold!

FIRST OF ALL, I HAVE TO START BY SAYING THAT I'M A BIG FAN. YOU'RE MUSIC IS AMONG THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MUSIC I'VE EVER HEARD IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE. YOU HAVE SUCH A GIFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SECONDLY, I WISH ONLY THE BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL WIFE, CONNIE. ALTHOUGH, I DO HAVE TO ADMIT THAT I'M JEALOUS. SHE'S A VERY LUCK WOMAN! LOL!!! :-)

I DO HAVE ONE ITTY BITTY COMPLAINT THOUGH. I'M GO TO YOUR SITE LIKE EVERY DAY AND EVERY TIME I LOOK AT TESH CAM (MY FAVORITE PART OF YOUR WEBPAGE BY THE WAY), IT'S ALWAYS SHOWING THE MAIL ROOM!! IF I WANTED TO LOOK AT BUBBLE WRAP AND TAPE GUNS, I WOULD JUST TURN MY HEAD (I'M A SHIPPING/RECEIVING CLERK IN A MAIL ROOM). I WANT TO SEE YOU COMPOSING YOUR BEAUTIFUL MUSIC BECAUSE IT INSPIRES ME. I ONCE LISTENED TO YOUR A DEEPER FAITH II CD IN THE CAR ON MY WAY TO MY BOWLING LEAGUE AND I GOT 3 STRIKES AND A SPARE IN THE FIRST FRAME!! I HOPE YOU UPDATE THIS SOON! AND PLEASE, KEEP MAKING YOUR WONDERFUL MUSIC! GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU.

YOUR FRIEND,HARRIET MCNAMARA @--------------------

The Tesh Experiment (Day 22)

Findings:Still no response from subject

Theories:Subject is either much busier or much smarter than anticipated

Optional Next Steps:1. If still no response by Day 30, send follow-up email expressing disappointment in the lack of acknowledgement. Subsequent mailings will reflect the following states (in this order): agitation; depression; despondency; resignation; and finally, violent rage.