Re:Torn, To Help or Not To Help

5:30 pm Monday was the last time I heard from him. He said he had to be at work by 10 am Tuesday but had no clothes. I said something back joking and he was off-line. Around 8 I ask if he had a ride told him to get a hold of me. I went to bed fairly early. Not long after that. I woke about 4 he been on line but not responded. I messaged ask if he still needed a ride and told him to get a hold of me first thing this morning. To call me. I don’t always here the little ding from a message but if he called I hear it or feel it vibrate. He never did, I have ask if he made it home to work and everything else. Nothing from him. I know he seen it .

So now I am wondering what he is doing and what happen. I still wonder what he meant by having his back when he falls or however he put it. His brother is bad news he didn’t want to go to his brothers before because of all he is into and not wanting to be around it get away from it.

I told him a deal on tv’s the store had the other day he was surprised and said he was going to check it out on his way from down south. I thought he was with his mom and them at one of his sisters houses probably. Then he hit me with not having a home and being stuck at his brothers later. I didn’t ask why he was there or what. Last time I know of him being with his brother was when he got shot. So what I mean about not being a good place to be.

I still never asked, I ask him tonight on my way home if he was okay, because he isn’t saying anything now. He still didn’t answer. I also know the other week he was asking for boss at the shops number, well if he had it changed. I don’t know why he wanted to talk to him either. But another not good to be around.

I hate to think like this and go straight to it everytime. But again I wonder if his fall was drugs again? Being with his brother, getting a hold of boss, his job and the people there. I asked him what was going on besides the shower and what he was talking about falling. But no responce. But he will not talk to me about that if he did them again or how long he gone without inbetween. He knows I know he has done them he slips and the other stuff he does or did but that is it and he don’t talk about it a lot. I am scared for him that he is going to end up really hooked with a worse problem than he has right now if he keeps “falling” if that is what he is refuring to when he says that. I think he don’t want me to know because he don’t want me to pull away or turn my back on him. Just like not wanting to tell me things because I would get mad or not wanting me to yell at him. Before that it was the less I knew the better and he just wasn’t talking about it. He was protecting me.

My feelings for him aside he is a good person, he is a caring person, he is a great worker, and just over all an all around decent guy. He is a decent guy who has dealt with a lot of abuse, a lot of hurt, and loss in life. He is a decent guy who suffers from mental illness. He is a decent guy who chose to self medicate in such a bad way. I say suffers from mental illness because he isn’t dealing with it or dealing with it properly.

At this point if we were or are never more than anything but friends I am okay with that. Because he needs that friend that he can turn to when he needs someone. Like Bff said I am always that one he turns to. I know he talks to his ex once in a while but she will not even talk to him a lot of times. That really bothers him too. He really cares about her. But I haven’t turn my back once. I have always been there to answer that out of the blue middle of the night are you up text. Even when he did what he did and left I never really got nasty with him.

The one time when I told him about his type when he said something nasty and about me not being his type. He knows he was in the wrong for what he said and that what I said was true. Other than that i was nice and let it go, told him i thought it be good for him to be at his moms and to work on himself and good to be away from that job.

I just wish even as friends he not just say nothing. Even if he is doing something stupid. I don’t know what to think about him at times. I just pray he really gets his life on track and can truely just leave everything behind and get ahead.