VerifiedGold Member

Sex is basic human nature though it doesn't make me who I am. I am active in the BDSM lifestyle both as a hobby and way of life. Thankfully it's so much more then sex. If losing my ability to have p-in-v intercourse were to happen, it would not change anything in my life. I'd still be able to enjoy myself and please others in so many ways.

My public persona is the mildly innocent gal you see in my avatar and doesn't at all reflect my sexual identity. I'm far more like her darker shadow counterpart. I talk openly about my intimate life with most of my friends only because we share a common lifestyle interest. Acquaintances, absolutely not. Coworkers only if they ask. I've had people ask how I got the heart shaped scar on my wrist or where the perfectly round bruise came from on my back when my shirt rides up. I openly discuss the process of both without over sexualizing it.

VerifiedGold Member

While i have a high libido and have sex on a regular basis, it does not identify me. I discuss my sex life openly here, around people of like mind, but i live in the bible belt and am an open atheist. I don't have a lot of what i would call friends. And what i do discuss is simple things and get them gone.

While sex does not define me at all, i would miss it if i were unable to do it any longer. But first and foremost i am a husband, father and then a craftsman. These things are what i identify as.

Gold Member

I feel that sex is private but I do have a desire to learn more about it. It is hard to understand something with so many different rules ad mores without exploring all those myriad activities. But the thought experiment, what if I did those things can be productive, so I realize that in many ways it is impossible to define myself without sex. My belief that sex is to be shared between two committed people may seem to be limiting, but it actually accords great freedom to love and be loved. A few weeks here has made me see just how important it is to have people who accept you as you are. It is important to find that whether it be at home, at work, in the community or online, ( even if that be anonymously). Sometimes acceptance is so important that we defend it vigorously. That what high school cliques are all about. So there is a community for everyone. It is important to look in the mirror and to know that everything you do is part of your identity. Important to see that even the people who feel oppressed or suppressed by others in society will do the same to others who do not conform. Thanks for letting me step out of my identity on SF so I could see who I really am and to se that it doesn't need to matter who other people may want me to be. I will leave you alone now.

VerifiedGold Member

For me sex is not: my hobby, my vocation, one of my compulsions, or one of my obsessions. I'm not even entirely sure I'd count it as a diversion, though it does serve that purpose in a most acceptable manner.

An inability to have sex in the common connotation of penis-in-vagina penetration would have an impact on my sexual sense of identity. Not on a level of any great magnitude or permanently, though. The impact would be from the fact that p/v is the main "focus" of my sexual identity, so it would take time for me to shift myself from that view to another updated one.

My sexual identity is something I'm still discovering for myself. Having sex and the kind of sex that I engage in, however, does not define me as an individual. It is part of my personal identity, but it is by no means one of the primary factors.

My public persona does not, in my opinion, reflect my sexual identity. I will speak about my "intimate" life with those who ask, but only disclose as much as is necessary to answer the question - I'm not going to give everyone a tell-all sexual biography on myself.

VerifiedGold Member

Sex is basic human nature though it doesn't make me who I am. I am active in the BDSM lifestyle both as a hobby and way of life. Thankfully it's so much more then sex. If losing my ability to have p-in-v intercourse were to happen, it would not change anything in my life. I'd still be able to enjoy myself and please others in so many ways.

My public persona is the mildly innocent gal you see in my avatar and doesn't at all reflect my sexual identity. I'm far more like her darker shadow counterpart. I talk openly about my intimate life with most of my friends only because we share a common lifestyle interest. Acquaintances, absolutely not. Coworkers only if they ask. I've had people ask how I got the heart shaped scar on my wrist or where the perfectly round bruise came from on my back when my shirt rides up. I openly discuss the process of both without over sexualizing it.

Gold Member

When I was 27 I had swelling of the membrane around my spinal cord and nobody knew what was causing it. Had it continued I would have been paralysed at my lower back, but fortunately the condition stopped spontaneously. It left me with a limp, a lot of pain and partial erectile dysfunction which I can treat. That experience focussed me on making the most of my life and making the most of my sex life, which I still do. Another side to the after effects given I cannot run and I have to walk with a cane to be mobile, is that sex makes me feel masculine where at other times I feel less so, because of my disabilities For these reasons sex is a bigger part of my identity than it would otherwise have been. This is like lbushwalker's comment but I came face to face with it.