Memorial Day BBQ Badassery

Look, I like hot dogs, ribs, and other All-American grill fodder as much as the next guy. Of course, that’s assuming that the next guy also has a cholesterol number that resembles Micronesia’s GDP and has done some preliminary research on the legality of marrying a cheeseburger. Mr. Collin Cheeseburger…ah, dreams!

But this Memorial Day, why not try something different? Why not honor America, and the men and women who made it the country that it is, by sidling up to the grill with a cold beer in one hand and a platter full of something crazy as hell (and crazily delicious) in the other? Here are some suggestions:

1. Yak – When Brad Pitt was filming Seven Years in Tibet the locals called him “Mdzes Po G.Yag.” Initially, he assumed they were sneezing and kept shouting “Gesundheit! You guys need some Claritin!” Then his co-star BD Wong explained that “Mdzes Po G.Yag” is Tibetan for “Handsome Yak” and then further explained that yak is considered “Himalayan Beef” and is prized for its lean tenderness, small caloric footprint, and generally delicious desirability. “Wait, Tibetans sneeze-speak?” was Pitt’s bewildered reply.

2. Alligator – As research for this blog post, I watched a YouTube video of a snake eating an alligator. I’ll never sleep again. But even if you’re not some sort of hybrid snake-person (looking at you Voldemort), there’s plenty to like about gator. It’s rich in protein, low in fat, and has a chewy consistency similar to calamari. You’ll want to get your hands on some tail meat, as the rest of the gator is a bit too sinewy and tough to give you good results on the grill. Try slathering a little Arrogant Bastard hot sauce on there to really set the flavor off.

3. Kangaroo – Somewhere in the cosmos, Bob Keeshan just got a little hot under the collar. But we here at KegWorks don’t recommend eating any kangaroos that have attained the rank of Captain. Instead, seek out the hind legs of a member of the lowly kangaroo infantry. You’ll be rewarded with a slightly gamey taste and a cut of meat that is low in saturated fat, high in zinc and iron, and hopping with flavor!

4. Tofu – Just kidding. Eat a bun, vegetarians. This is America. (Seriously though, keep some tofu steaks on hand to keep everyone happy at your barbecue. Nothing soaks up delicious marinade quite like mashed together bean curd paste. Try making some tofu kabobs for a bold mix of flavors that will satisfy even your most carnivorous guests.)

5. Wild Boar – Don’t get bored at your barbecue. Get boared! Wild boar has a slightly sweet, rich flavor that makes pork feel like a middle child. Serve it up medium rare and get your Lord of the Flies on.

If none of these float your boat, don’t worry. There’s a whole world of flavor out there to discover. To paraphrase Sam Cooke “Ooh! Ahh! That’s the sound of a man eating whatever he wants because he reigns supreme in the food chain. Suck it lions.”