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Monday, July 30, 2012

Olympic Games to be drastically scaled down

Dear Olympic Organisers,

We can’t go on like this. This year’s London Summer games could be the last in its present form.

They are costing far, far, far too much
to stage.

The
entire1948 event in London cost 750 000 pounds (these primitive American computers
have no pound signs because they seem to think the mighty $ is all that counts)
where as this 2012’s opening ceremony alone hit
the 27-million pound mark.

Is that Mitt Romney calling?

During this period the number of nations competing has grown from 38 to 204. Where
they’ve all come from goodness only knows.

I’m sure the 2012
organisers made some of them up just to impress us. Where the devil are Vamiatu, Kyrgzstan and Voetsaki Island?

And they’re all getting poorer, even the rich ones like the USA.
The problem is there are just too many people in this world now and most of
them are poverty stricken.

If there was a breeding Olympics manwouldwin every
time.

The way things are going there won’t be a country rich
enough to host the games and there are less and less countries that can afford
to send a team of any consequence anyway.

Is this the Brits' only Gold?

In spite of the burgeoning costs all we hear about is how we
must add more and more sports. The Mayor of London
Boris Johnson wanted to have the Wall Game
at this year’s London
games. It’s a crazy combination of
soccer and rugby played against a curved wall at his old school, Eton.

He might have been joking but that’s
the way the Olympics have been going.

Logically, to be fair, we
should add every other sport in the world.

If
you have tennis, why not golf? And as soccer is in, rugby should also be there
and what about Aussie rules footie. Then there’s
tiddlywinks, pole dancing, chess, running with the bulls, and numerous other
games that few of us have ever heard of.

As sailing is there then you should allow speed boats and
jetskis. Fishing, possibly the most popular sport in the world, should also be
on the Olympic list.

A medal for Donald Trump Jr perhaps

Then
there’s hunting of little birds to elephants. The Yanks regard shooting anything that moves as a
sport, so I’m surprised this hasn’t been included already.And as we are in London now the Queen should be potting grouse. The games will have to be extended beyond the Glorious Twelfth (of August) because that's when the slaughter season opens.

You can
go on for ever with this kind or argument for expanding an event that is
already far too bloated to last.

To cut the games to a manageable size here are my
suggestions.

All team sports should go
including relays on the track and in the pool. Only individuals should be
allowed to compete by themselves,
not in boats, kyaks or on bikes or by using any other means of transport.

Soccer has its own World Cup
so what’s the point in repeating this at the Olympics.
Tennis should also be left out because there are tournaments for this almost
every week all over the world and it becomes
tedious having the same billionaire champions vying for an Olympic medal.

What medal did he win Old Bean?

Judo
and wrestling must go because they are so boring only the relatives of the competitors have any interest in watching an octopus
of arms and legs wriggling about on the floor for ages in compromising
positions. The rules too are so obscure the average person hasn’t a clue as to
what’s going on.

Fencing is too fast to be worth keeping with its blades
flashing so quickly that even the judges have to resort to a video replay to
establish who stabbed who.

Dressage and cross country events should be in the zoo Olympics. The horses are the stars not the riders. I
could also get moving on the back of a cheetah.

The games should concentrate on ATHLETICS.
That’s what it really should be about. Alright you can throw in swimming;
boxing as a man’s sport without the protective head gear and namby pamby rules;
gymnastics; weight lifting and perhaps archery and shooting.

Be brave. Reform the Olympics
drastically before it’s too late.

That
way you will be able to have ones that countries can stage without the fear of
going bankrupt, or having white elephant memorials to this meeting of nations
that so often turns sour for the hosts, immediately after the closing ceremony.

The Queen agrees with me obviously

Don’t come
back to me later and say I didn’t warn you.

Yours bravely,

Jon, whose only sign of Olympic potential
was running rings round the masters of his Eton-like,
posh school in Cape Town.

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About Me

I was born in South Africa just before the Boer War whenever that was?
Started life with a golden spoon in my mouth which made eating rather difficult as a result I was under nourished as a child.
Went to a posh school where I only got moved up a class when my old man donated another sight screen for the cricket pitch.
Career prospects were dismal and I was once turned down for a job in the London sewers. "Too highly qualified;"that’s what they said.
I became a journalist when the Police Force wouldn’t have me.
Like most journos I know nothing about everything but I still write about it.
I decided to have my own blog so I wouldn't have to drink with the editor for hours on end to get my stuff published when according to my independent assessment it’s always of great news value.
My religious beliefs are: You only die once so remember, "You can’t be serious and Have Fun."
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