Did you know our government is run by a race of lizard people? You don't? That's because it's not, and that theory is mondo bananas. But 12 million Americans believe lizard people called "reptilians" run the U.S. governmentanyway. Oh my America! How did we ever manage to grow so many conspiracy theorists? It gets much, much worse, though. Wait until you find out how many people believe aliens exist, or that the government is controlling our minds through our TVs? You probably don't believe that last one -- BUT THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK. It's like we invented "You're not paranoid if they're really after you™." (Wait, we did, didn't we?)

Last year during the presidential elections, Public Policy Polling took a look at many of the conspiracy theories Americans believe in. And the results were staggering. Man, how do we even function as a nation? Oh right ...