Don't Rush MeHow to maintain your insanityand other things that don't add up to a hill of beans

by Don Rush

September 04, 2013

Life is apt to throw you curve balls when you least expect it. And, as I am usually behind in the count, I’m just gonna’ swing and try to make a connection. Try for a base hit, versus a homerun.

On everybody’s least favorite internet addiction social networking site, Facebook, you’re apt to find the following. If not, you may wish to post it yourself. Go ahead. I stole it from somebody myself . . . and they probably stole it from another.

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20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “In.”

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to Espresso.

6. In the Memo Field of all your checks, write “For Sexual Favors.”

7. Finish all your sentences with “In Accordance With The Prophecy.”

8. Don’t use any punctuation

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

11. Specify that your drive-through order is “To Go.”

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme

14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.