Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Snow Day

Folks, I'm snowed in, literally, this morning.

We had a major snow fall last night - which I have to deal with right now.

I'm also behind on work, both writing and in the shop. I have deadlines I have to meet and am basically out of time at the moment. I also owe a couple of UCFers some stuff that I'm very delinquent on and I need to set up the photo table, get pictures made and mailed.

So, I just don't have time at the moment for a post. The internet is a big place however, and I'm sure you'll find something to entertain yourselves.

Enjoy your day.

Booze is in the fridge, chocolate is on the counter. Wipe your feet and beware the cats. Thanks. More later.

You know how there's that company that strips popular movies of sex and foul language so that ultra-religious types can watch them without their sensibilities being offended? Well, I'm wondering if a "foot-whipping" is what James Bond gets in the "sanitized" version of Casino Royale.

Because, you know, that would actually be kind of more fucked-up than what actually happens to him. Just saying.

DO NOT LICK JIM'S BLOG. DO NOT LOOK AT JIM'S BLOG WITH ONE EYE CLOSED. DO NOT TOUCH JIM'S BLOG WHILE TOUCHING YOURSELF (YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT). PREGNANT WOMEN SHOULD NOT READ JIM'S BLOG DURING THE SECOND TRIMESTER OR ON WEDNESDAY'S FALLING ON AN ODD-NUMBERED DAY DURING THE THIRD TRIMESTER. JIM'S BLOG IS NOT SUITABLE FOR CONSUMPTION BY CHILDREN BETWEEN THE AGES OF 10½ AND 12¾ YEARS OF AGE, OR ADULTS BETWEEN THE AGES OF 67 AND 67½. JIM'S BLOG HAS BEEN DETERMINED TO CAUSE A RARE VERSION OF UTERINE CANCER IN MALE LABORATORY RATS AND A FORM OF PROSTATE CANCER IN SURPLUS ARMY BEAGLES. IF A BURNING OR ITCHING SENSATION IS NOTICED WHILE READING JIM'S BLOG, CEASE READING JIM'S BLOG IMMEDIATELY AND DOUSE THE AFFECTED AREA WITH RUNNING COLD WATER (NO WARMER THAN 54°F) AND CALL YOUR LOCAL POISON-CONTROL HOTLINE. IF YOU EXPERIENCE AN ERECTION FOR MORE THAN TWO HOURS AFTER READING JIM'S BLOG, CONSULT A PHYSICIAN IMMEDIATELY. SIDE-EFFECTS OF JIM'S BLOG MAY INCLUDE WATERY EYES, INTESTINAL CRAMPS, INDIGESTION, A SENSATION LIKE YOU HAVE SOMETHING IN YOUR NOSE THAT YOU CAN'T QUITE GET OUT NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU PICK IT, SCABS, SWEATY PALMS, BALDNESS, PARTIAL DEAFNESS, SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION, AFFLICTION BY A MYSTERIOUS ANCIENT EGYPTIAN CURSE, HAIRY EARS, DANDRUFF, A CRAVING FOR "UNNATURAL" FOODS, PORPHYRIA, ITCHY TOENAILS, PHANTOM LIMB PAINS, SCHIZOPHRENIA, AND A BLEATING GOATLIKE SOUND THAT YOU REALLY NEED TO STOP MAKING ALTHOUGH IT IS SORT OF FUNNY-SOUNDING. DO NOT READ JIM'S BLOG WHILE OPERATING HEAVY MACHINERY OR DRIVING UNLESS YOU'VE CONSUMED SUFFICIENT ALCOHOL.

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Like anybody else, I have a mortgage and a kid in college and a powerful need to eat once in a while. As Stonekettle Station has increased in popularity, it takes up more and more of my time to write the content you come here for, and that means I've got less time to do the things that actually pay the bills. I have no desire to move Stonekettle Station behind a paywall, I'll stop writing before I do that, but if you think what I do here is worth a bit of your hard earned money well then I'm not too proud to accept a token of your appreciation. And thank you.

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Jim Wright is a retired US Navy Chief Warrant Officer and freelance writer. He lived longer in Alaska than anywhere else and misses it terribly. He recently moved to the fetid Panhandle of Florida and lives now in an ancient Cold War bunker of a house surrounded by alligators and rednecks. He's been called the Tool of Satan, but he prefers to think of himself as the Devil's Designated Driver. He is the mind behind Stonekettle Station. You can email him at jim@stonekettle.com. You can follow him on Twitter @stonekettle, or you can join the boisterous bunch he hosts on Facebook at Facebook/Stonekettle. Remember to bring brownies and mind the white cat, he bites. Hard.

Disclaimer

This site may contain profanity. It also may contain ranting, strong opinions, misspellings, poor attempts at humor, and pictures of cats. If that bothers you, look away now. (Why, yes, my wife did make me add this disclaimer, thanks for asking.)