Poor, Poor, Ben Foster

I first encountered Ben’s work on ABC’s Saturday morning live action show Flash Forward. This is also where I first encountered Jewel Staite AKA Kaylee Frye from Firefly.

You can do better than Simon. *points to crotch*

Mmmmm, Kaylee.

Where was I? Oh yeah, talking about Kaylee.

*continues to point at crotch, never breaking eye contact*

Kaylee’s really pretty, and smart, and kind, and I bet she smells nice, and this isn’t right is it?

Ben! Ben Foster! We were talking about Ben Foster.

See, Ben just got himself a part in a Jason Statham movie. He’s almost certainly a bad guy. I know the trailer makes it look like an older, wiser, assassin shows young Foster the ropes, but trust me, he’s a bad guy. He’ll probably betray Statham’s character towards the end of the second act.

I say this not because any acting or lines in the largely explosion themed trailer betrays this, but because he’s almost always the bad guy.

Not only is he always the bad guy, but he’s almost always a psychotic bad guy. It’s not enough the he’s evil, but he’s got problems.

Beware, below this line be Dragons Spoilers (for movies that came out over three years ago).Now, I’m not saying that adding Ben Foster to a movie spoils it, far from it. The guy is a damn good actor. When ever people talk about young Hollywood, Joseph Gordon Levitt’s name always comes up a lot, because he’s really, really, really good at his job.

Diane, you're welcome.

Ben Foster is also really, really, really good at his job, but it appears he wants to carve a niche as a crazy person. Joseph Gordon Levitt gets to play the guy who is unlucky in life or love, but somehow keeps it together through a combination of determination and charm, and Ben Foster plays serial killers.3:10 to Yuma, psycho killer. Hostage, mentally imbalanced teenage killer. In Alpha Dog he breaks into people’s homes, steals from them, poops on their carpets, and kidnaps people. He’s not the bad guy in Alpha Dog. That’s still really fucked up.

In Pandorum he’s the good guy by virtue of coming out of cryo-sleep last, ergo, SPACE MADNESS will catch up to him last. There’s no greater calling for his character except he’s the least amount of nuts.

THE GOOD GUY.

Even when he’s not the villain, and you could argue he is the antagonist in Alpha Dog, it’s just because he either is the only one who didn’t commit a murder or could have been the bad guy if his pod cracked an hour earlier.

Look at X-Men 3; he’s Warren Worthington III, AKA Angel, and he’s so boring when he’s not playing a psycho the the movie forgets about him until the very end when he has to save his asshole dad.Plus, shirtless with wings? That’s how you know who are the date rapists at a rave.

I cannot stress this enough, do not ingest or huff anything offered to you by a man with wings and no shirt. He’s going to do things to your butt.

Whole lotta butt stuff.

Forget about cowboys, home invasions, and SPACE MADNESS, and even then, Ben still isn’t quite right. Most of his time on Six Feet Under is spent in art school knocking up chicks and blowing guys, then starting fights at art galleries.

There just has to be a better use for your time, Ben, and that’s coming from a guy who has over 6,000 comic books and memorized Starship Troopers.Ben’s still stands out as fucked up in 30 Days of Night, a movie filled with blood, gore, and all vampire carnage, despite him not being the threat. Note: this movie was made based off a comic book back when vampires were scary and not sparkly bisexuals.

He just sits in the cell, filthy and taunting the doomed townsfolk, giving off an air of menace and unpredictability way before the inevitable wave of vampire carnage.Foster, a gifted actor at a time when we’re hurting for people who can do more than look like they’re about to shit their pants when they’re trying to convey emotion, needs to expand his range. I’ll see a movie he’s in, and I’m sure I’ll enjoy the majority of them, but I know full well he’s the bad guy, or a traitor, or a psycho, or even just a really shitty boyfriend.

Hopefully, he won’t be typecast or have a movie’s problems heaped on his shoulders, but seriously, watch that trailer again and tell me he won’t betray the Staf.