My Former Self

I think a lot about who I was ten years ago. I am so glad for the progression in my life. The hard part is seeing glimpses of who I was, in who I am today.

Selfishness... gossip... judgement... pride... and the list goes on.

Working so hard to make progress, only to backslide and experience scars from my past is tough.

I used to be a gossip. Not a malicious gossip that spun rumors to hurt others (because there are "good" gossips, right? Uh... NO!), but a gossip none the less. It was as if that was my way of communicating with people. We would strike up a conversation about some random person and their life. Heaven forbid we have fruitful discussion. That's no fun at all...

I have moved on from that phase. It creeps up on me though. Innocent chatting commences and before I know it- bam! I am deep in conversation about someone- delving into their personal life with someone completely unrelated. Am I the only one that experiences this? Such bondage. I know it sounds silly, but for me it is just that- bondage.

I, to this day, am so proud of my mom. I cannot remember one time- not one- where she sat and gossiped about another person. I know she did (because we all do... honestly, we all do, right?), but I never grew up hearing her speak unkindly about people. For me, that is so inspiring. It makes me so proud of her. Thank you, mom, for being such a great example.

I want to be a mommy that gushes about her kids and hubby without degrading someone else in the process.

God stretches me and molds me- moving me in a holy direction, and then I decide I want to mold myself and it never turns out very well. It is a slow burn. I begin slowing taking back the reigns, and before I know it I am deep in sin and guilt.

It is so hard to escape. Satan really likes me. He loves using me to weave his web of sin.

6 comments:

Bless you. I love me some honesty. I think realizing your weakness gives LESS power to satan and more to God...because HE CAN CHANGE your weakness for His glory! I too find myself doing the same. And, no, not rumors or anything like that...but just NOT positive talk. I want my talk to be positive! I want my child and husband to see it most. Bless them. THey are the ones that see the ugly me at times. But yes. Satan can KISS IT! He finds one little bity crack and he pokes his way in. Thank you for your honesty girl! So glad I found your blog!

true honesty in the fullest right here! its very refreshing to read something so open and honest - nothing sugar coated and all real! hey, we all have gossiped, but i can relate to what you say about projecting positive and good to everyone around instead of whats the the latest on the rumor mill. awesome post, girl!

Satan does love to get a toe-hold into our lives. I don't have a problem with gossiping, but I have been know to gossip or listen to gossip. To me that is the same thing. I totally believe in positive talk. You send out what you want to get back; however, my problem is negative SELF talk. Boy does Satan love that. I have found when I talk to God and tell him Satan has ahold of me and I need God to help me, I feel a weight lifted and a calmness. I totally agree with Annie Lou...Satan can KISS IT!!