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I hope you all had a pretty decent day. I had an appointment with the primary doc today. Can't really say if it was good or bad, really. The results of the 24 hour urine and blood draw shows that I may be in the beginning stages of liver disease but not quite sure. The reason I say this is because both ID and Primary docs both ordered the same bloodwork but the results came back different. The primary docs percentages came back lower and the blood drawn was like a week apart. SO, Primary says not to worry but will be keeping an eye on my liver...Inside I was really screaming holy hell while on the outside I remained calm. I feel like I am slowly falling apart. He finally agreed to leave me off the metformin, will continue with the Actos and Glypizide. The Lantus pen is a last option but has to get a H1AC done. Even though my fasting sugars have been great, he wants an overall picture.

Then since I have changed pharmacies, I have been catching hell. I switched to a Rite- Aide closer to me but they just became a Rite- Aide but they are slow as hell. My Atripla and Ziagen was suppose to be ready on Monday. I went earlier today and got told to come back at 6, so when I did, it was still NOT ready but when they did fill it, they said the doctor wrote an illegal prescription. I am like ....and WTF? I explained to the pharmacist that the ID doc faxed the scripts to their store and the pharmacist showed me the fax but all you saw in the background of the scripts was ILLEGAL!!!!! So, I asked the pharmacist what am I suppose to do cause I need these meds to live. He said he will be calling my ID doc tomorrow and I chimed in so the hell will I. But he gave me the meds anyway, Thank the Goddess. I was all psyched to take them tonight but remembered that my clinic nurse said call her first, DAMN!!! I also got my scripts for diflucan some stuff called Sulfamethoxazole/ TMP DS. I am assuming this is the Bactrim? Looking over at my nightstand, I see that I am now taking 7 pills between the diabetes and hiv meds. Which makes me feel even more like I am falling apart. I will report tomorrow night on how Lady Atripla and Lord Ziagen do me.

It seems I am not the only one falling to pieces, I got an IM from Boo telling me about his ID appointment. He has to get a genotype test done. It seems like his meds aren't working but I get the feeling my Boo has a problem with adherence. He smokes the good green like me but is not eating much so they want to put him on Marinol. Maybe that and the green together will help him eat. But I feel so helpless and I guess a bit selfish. Helpless to help him and selfish because I finally find a poz man and he seems to be doing worse than me. With the way things are going, I may lose him before I even get to see him.... What? Am I not meant to have a slither of happiness? And when I do feel just a bit of contentment, it is to get stripped away from me? I swear life is a cruel bitch....

Queen- yes, the Sulfa.. is the Bactrim. That's how mine comes also. It must have been really, really frustrating about the doc writing illegal scripts. I wonder how that happened? You know, about Boo, don't project what's going to happen with him. He'll probably be fine. I had to have a genotype test done and I was adherent. I'm glad I did. Then the doc could put me on meds that (hopefully) are actually working. I should be getting my bloodwork results real soon so I'll know. Just hang in there. I was on Marinol like 14 years ago. I didn't like it myself; it didn't make me feel stoned, just panicky. But I understand it affects different people differently. BTW, how is your thrush doing? I hope it's getting better.

Still no smoking. It's day #4. I hope I continue to be smoke-free. I can already breathe better. I tried to do some pilates yesterday and man, did I ache afterwards! I am sooo out of shape when it comes to doing any exercising. I guess everyone has to start somewhere though.

I hope everyone's having a nice, restful morning. Am I the only one who gets up this early (7:15 a.m.)?

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Nope, I'm an early riser! You are not alone. Great news on the smoking cessation---thank goodness the rewards come fast early. It's not like the tedium of dieting and weighing one's self and hoping for incremental changes.

The monetary gain is what surprised me so much and less illness per year.

Hello Ladies. Queen , hope the medicines work well for you. i take atripla and it seems to be doing well for me. I have wild dreams sometimes and my ass is officially flat now but other than that........And those things are really no big deal. Maybe your scripts showed up illegal cause of the faxing. Hope it's sorted out soon and glad you were given them regardless. Sorry about Boo, hope he improves as well. Em , have a good time on your date. Betty, glad the nonsmoking thing is going so well. I need to quit but don't want to . Okay, I am talking to Florida 1 again. I know I said I wasn't but he says he's single again so....... This is not helping my in heat to go away. He is so far away that unless he comes here there will be no helping it anyway. I work all this weekend so maybe will get some extra to go buy some stuff we need. Gotta get Robert some new jeans for school. He doesn't need them yet but he only has 1 pair that fit. So I get to go shopping Monday, maybe I better go Sunday after work so he can try them on. I will check back in later. Doesn't AMG start today. I wish I could have gone. Oh well, next year maybe. Later, Cristy

I guess the thrush is doing better, my throat doesn't feel sore anymore. I have been taking the diflucan and the Bactrim, tonight is the beginning of my relationship with Atripla and Ziagen. Goddess, I hope I don't lose my ass, that is one of my best features... I was told not to eat anything for 1-2 hours before taking the pill. That's gonna be a challenge when the munchies hit me.

The reason I don't think Boo was adhering is because he had told me that he stopped meds once before because they were doing a number on him. I haven't heard anything from him today, hopefully he will be feeling better. I will try to keep an open minf concerning his health but only eating soup and dropping weight can't be a good sign.

I get a call from the Assistant Principal of my son's school, whom I met before. Asking me why my son is not in school, don't these people communicate? I had to explain that I had been to the school twice last week explaining that my son works nights but because of his grades, they want him to go to night school which is not possible because he works. She seems surprised by this and then says well I'm not sure if we can do anything but I'll get back to you....WTF? Isn't a child's education important anymore? And the other school I tried to get him into hasn't called me back yet. I have called them twice. I am worried about being hit with a truancy for my son but I am doing everything humanly possible to get him back in school. What is left for me to do but play their waiting game.

Other than that, it's same shit different day....Have a good one, ladies....

Just a bit of a drive by post...I am chatting to Boo now on YIM. He apologizes about last night but was depressed about his doc visit. We talked some more this evening about things. This man is not eating, he should be weighing about 190, he weighs 136. I weigh more than him at 163. I was telling him that I have to start my meds tonight and we were discussing our cd4s, his is 24. Now this by no means scares me to the point of not talking to him and am still attracted to him. My heart is just breaking because of what he is going through. I told him to try to eat things that would put weight on him. Usually potatoes,rice, and bread is known to do that but what else out there can add weight? His doc is planning on putting him on Marinol. I hoping with that and the real shit will help also.

What about some of the nutrient/supplement drinks, milkshakes, bananas, etc. ? If cost is a factor for the drinks, perhaps his pharmacist or doc will know where he can obtain it at the best rate possible.

This might sound strange, but does he exercise at all---whether walking, free weights, biking, etc. ? If he can build up his activity level he might be able to kick his appetite into greater gear while adding hi-cal foods to his diet.

What a shitty day, but let's talk about you first. Beginnings of liver failure? WTF could that be from? Something hereditary? You weren't on HIV meds, not that they would cause it, and I'm not even sure if diabetes would cause it, if left unchecked. How long were you on oral meds for diabetes? Do they have side effects known to cause liver trouble? Jesus, I am sorry you had to get that news, and I am just hoping it doesn't turn into anything major.

As for your Rx being faxed to the pharmacy, what dumbass were you talking to there? Cristy is absolutely right -- when you fax a document that has a likelihood of being forged (i.e. check or in this case, a doctor's script), the words "illegal" or "void" will show up in the "copy." Same goes for if you put the doc on a copy machine, because there is only ONE original. So you're pharmacy should be well aware of this and take the faxed script as valid, calling your doc's office to confirm it as such if they need to.

So have you taken your meds? You will drop weight at first, trying to adhere to not eating. I did when I started Sustiva. Please don't worry about the "buzz" you may feel, its not that big a deal. I have found that when I am awake and "work" through it, say by staying on the computer, it goes away within an hour. If I lay down to go to sleep, it lasts longer. I'm sure it has something to do with metabolism rate and how fast the med is being absorbed into your body.

I'm really sorry to hear about Boo. Didn't you say he was 6'1" or 6'2"? Weighing 136 is not good at all. I am sure he is fatigued beyond belief. I hope he has better luck with meds and adherence in the future because it could really change things around for him in a good way, and quickly. Tell him not to give up!

As for your son and school, and working nights......keep a record of all of the calls you have made. Sometimes its really the best thing, especially if you get stressed out, make a zillion calls, and then have trouble remembering exactly when they were. Keep calling the other school every day and demand to talk to someone. I explained to Stone today that sometimes the only way to get "customer service" is to bug the shit outta the people. His electric outlets are all messed up in his apt, and last night the AC didn't work. It was cool, so that was good, and the AC got fixed today. He is hardly ever home, so having maintenance come out to look at the outlets isn't convenient. Its supposed to rain tomorrow, so Stone won't be able to do his regular outdoors work, and he wants the electrical problem fixed tomorrow. I told him to call, call, call and say he was waiting to get on the schedule as promised.

Cristy, there's no harm in talking with Florida or IMing, unless you are going to take it to the next level and meet the guy. I am a firm believer that IMing is a great way to pass the time and get to know someone!

As for MY day.......well, shit on it all. I knew I didn't get the Realty job cause they were supposed to call by Tuesday, but today I got a voice mail from the husband. He was very kind and said I made a very strong impression on he and his wife in the interview. I know all employers say that when you don't get the job, but he sounded really sincere, and asked if there was anything he could do, if I had any questions, to just call. Well, YEAH, you could DO something and F-ing hire my ass! My frustration aside, I am going to call tomorrow to speak with him and thank him for his time, but then.....I am going to ask for a small favor. I am going to ask that if he hears through business networking of anyone who needs an Office Manager, to please put my name out there, give a copy of my resume, give my email, whatever. I must get a job because............

I can't get much help at all from the Health Dept. Nope, housing assistance only goes to people who pay RENT. Well, shit on that. Just because I could afford a mortgage 14 years ago when I bought this place with my husband doesn't mean its been easy for the past eleven years since he's died! Now, I have no job, so how the hell am I supposed to support myself? Same with copays for health. If its not HIV related, no-go. OK, that's fine I understand, but they will cover copays for GYN, eyes, dentist, primary, and ID docs. Oh yeah, IF these docs are on their approved list. There is basically one doc per category. So, what do I get help with? My frikkin $20 copay to my ID doc cause she's "approved." Shit, she's the only ID doc in Frederick County.

Sorry to vent, but on a lighter note, I may be able to get free therapy (which I am starting to think I could benefit from...) from a woman who deals more with HIV. I have a therapist that I went to for about seven years, last time was in Oct 2004, but he can't relate to the HIV issues. I HAVE seen him downtown in Frederick a couple of times this year, and he has said to come back and see him. He knows that my life has been turned upside down this year since Mr. Dumbass kicked me to the curb last December.

I am just so pissed that I can't get any financial help. Its as if my mortgage is a burden. What? Am I supposed to sell my house to make ends meet? Hell NO! I have held on too long. I may be able to get help with my electric bill and maybe the water bill, but all in all, this just blows, it just frikkin BLOWS.

I need to go check the employment listings, AGAIN, so I don't lose everything I have worked so hard to keep...my home, my Jeep, my sanity.

Queen, I am so sorry to hear your troubles, and now you got me worrying about Boo too. He needs to see a doc, see them more often, whatever, but something needs to be done. There are people on the other forums that know more than me, I can't help feeling that this is really urgent.

About your son I didn't quite get the ins and outs, just that's it's a massive beaurocratic headache. Again not much to offer but sympathies, I hope venting here helps you some.

Cind, I am so pissed you didn't get the job! I know it's their right blah blah blah, still I am pissed.

Not much more to say, I am reading everyone's posts for a while and just kind of overwhelmed with the difficulties you are facing. You know, I have been to so many countries where people think the USA is paradise. Europe is no safe haven (esp not for me, without any rights such as benefit), but I think the US is another ballgame. Very harsh.

Cind, This is JUST a suggestion, an idea rolling in my head, that if things keep going well with Stone, maybe you should pool resources. Just like Queen moving in with her friend. It's cold out there, we need to stick together to keep warm with the people we care about, whether family, friends or partners.

It is almost too hard to read the women's b/c I identify so much (I do with the guys too, but the women hit closer to home). It's become so that I am speechless. My life isn't easy (actually very complicated),but when I read others, what can I say... Just this one thing: there are some amazing people on here, people who are extremely resilient and strong. I am scared for all of us, but I also know we have the power. You've already done everything each one of you have done and been through all that you have, I beleive it shows that.

To Betty, Cristy, Em, and everyone else, I'm always reading.

Hoping for a peaceful weekend,

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"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Oh dear Queen, Boo's weight is definitely a cause for concern, especially with his low t-cell count. He needs to see an HIV nutritionist. Does he have a lot of diarrhea, or just no appetite? 13 or 14 yrs ago, I went down to 87 lbs (I'm 5'9"). I had Hospice coming in, was getting my documents "in order" (will etc.). It was a long recovery. I was put on Marinol. It had a bad effect on me, because of the sesame oil in it. But that's just me. I hope it works for Boo. I really would suggest him seeing a nutritionist though, and preferably one that deals with HIV wasting. About your son, wow. What a mess of red tape. Just keep calling the other school you're trying to get him in, every day. Like Cin said, log all the calls you make about this situation in a notebook or something, so if anyone says "what have you been doing" you can show them.

Cin, I am so sorry about your situation. I know where I am the housing authority won't help with mortgages either. I guess they figure if you have the credit and money to buy a house, you should be able to maintain it. But what they fail to realize is that situations come up in people's lives, like in your life, where that becomes almost impossible. It's too bad they don't offer more help. I think it would keep the forclosure rate down. Just keep plugging away at the job thing. I'm sure it will work out. You put out good karma, so something will work out. Hang in there, my metal friend.

I hope everyone else is doing alright. I'm going out to eat this evening with a friend of mine. I'm taking Liz out next weekend. I'm going to take her to a stuffed pizza joint. Maybe we can take things to another level. As far as the smoking, still no cigarettes. I understand Cristy, about your not wanting to quit. You really have to be mentally ready to do this shit. It was really hard last night because one of the students in my class smokes the same thing I used to (Basic Menthol Light 100's). I almost asked her for a cig, but didn't. I have to write a paper for my class (Philosophy) that's due next week. I hope it comes out o.k. Have a good morning everyone!

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow