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I love hearing from readers, not as much as I love wine, but a VERY close second!

Last night I met the lovely Charlotte for a quick cup of coffee after school. We talked about creepy things like spiders and mice. When I arrived home I was still a bit jumpy. Otherwise, I’d like to think the following events might not have happened.

When I got home I found Daisy standing in the hallway, hair raised and growling. I thought perhaps she had heard her chipmunk outside and didn’t think twice about it.

When I ran upstairs I heard faint voices coming from somewhere, but I couldn’t figure out where. The windows were all closed and the neighbors weren’t home. I checked the TV and radio, but nothing was on.

Daisy was still freaked out and growling even louder. At this point I started getting nervous. I hadn’t remembered to lock my apartment when I left to meet Charlotte, but if someone were there wouldn’t I have noticed? My apartment isn’t very big.

I hushed Daisy’s growling in hopes to figure out where the voices were coming from. It was silent, so I talked myself into believing I had imagined the whole thing. I went back upstairs and heard it again. Fuck. I had my phone with me so I tried to call my brother, which is something I always do rather than calling the police.

He didn’t answer. By this point the voices were louder and I was completely freaked out. I wanted to climb in bed, pull the covers over my head and ignore it, but I couldn’t. If I’m going to be murdered I wanted to see who it was so I could somehow leave a message for the police, in order to help solve the crime. I’m very helpful in the event of my death.

I grabbed the closest weapon I could find: a black stiletto shoe. I quietly crept down the stairs ready to attack. Daisy was standing at the closed bathroom door growling very loudly. My killer must be inside. With my heart beating out of my chest I swung the door open to discover my killer:

My very adorable mirror must have fallen off the counter when I shut the door too hard. As you can imagine, I was quite relieved I hadn’t called the police, because that would have been humiliating.

We have that same mirror here and it talks to itself randomly. Im convinced its haunted.

And one time when my oldest son was a baby, I heard voices in the middle of the night. I went downstairs, heart pounding, with a can of aerosol hairspray in my hand. Apparently I was going to spray my attacker into weather resistant stiffness, I dont know. It ended up being his fire engine ride on toy, the batteries were dying and I guess when that happens Satan moves into it and talks to you.

I must hastily warn you to check once more dearest Sarah. Is it not highly possible that this murderer has merely used your vanity as a distraction?

Consider, for instance, the speaking mirror. I myself make provocative love to a mirror most every morning, and never does it speak to me in high girlish voices unless it is myself imitating a woman. Thy black magic device is evidence only that whatever creature is residing in your house is skilled in the art of sorcery. Beware, beware! The internet is a frightful place, and many have already cautioned you to carry a weapon. To that number I must add my own warning: strange, dangerous people reside on this blog. I do not want to expose them, but must merely say that they exist, the danger is present, and you must get swift relief.

Sincerely,
Trollpop Janglestein

P.S. Forgive me for not sending you my photographic resume yestermorn. My web-camcorder is entirely broken, and I feared that visual approximation would be insufficient.

Two years ago I was home with my roommate when we heard scratching on our apartment door. It sounded exactly like someone trying to put a key in the door and/or jiggle the door handle, so we freaked out, as two twenty year-old girls are prone to do. We weren’t as brave as you, though, to actually open the door. We did look through the peephole, but there was construction going on in our building, so there was no light in the hallway. So we did actually call the police. They sent over FOUR officers, who rang our doorbell. As soon as we opened the door, they asked if the sound could possibly be coming from the pizza ad that had been hung on our door by a soliciter. Yeah. Quite embarassing.