“We should all be feminist”, should we?

I am not a feminist, at least I think I am not a strict feminist.
My brother maybe more “feminist” than me… “Kakak, you should be happy! Achieve everything you want to achieve! Go far…”
To be honest, I never think too much about gap equality on salary because I think the most important thing is what I did on the job, and I’ll have time to compare how much my salary compared to the men with same position with me.
I also will have no problem if someday I should have more time to take care my kids, why not…I love kids. I will find the job which quite friendly enough to facilitate my preference.
And if I am an actress, I also have no problem if the categories in Oscar divided into male and female, well… why not… more winner, more happiness… why not!

And I think, maybe most of women think like me (some of course have a broader ‘feminism’ perspective).
The problem is, sometimes men asked more without communicate everything first with the women. At least, that what I got from my personal perspective and also from what I read from “We Should all be feminist” By Chimamanda N. Adichie. Adichie, in my opinion (and I believe you agree with me)is very bright woman. She got some points to capture about gap inequality happening in the world. Arghhh… I like her 🙂

(PS: If you are too lazy to read the book, you can see her speech on youtube)

I remember in one page she talking about marriage. If men too late to get married, our community will see them as men who still fight and focus for their career. Building their brighter future.
While women? In some community (including my country actually), women who pass their middle 20 age are considered as spinster… and maybe (just maybe) it will be hard for them to find man who want to marry her.

Women also will face many obstacles to continue their career, and well… that’s not really bad. The worst thing is if divorce should be happened, the women who continue their career will be blamed more by the community than the men who workaholic and don’t have time for his family.

Maybe the gender inequality is more serious than I noticed… I just lucky because I always surrounded by very nice people around me.

But I am thinking, how far “feminism” should be?

feminism:1: the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes2: organized activity on behalf of women’s rights and interests

I agree with the definition, but how far the equality should goes?
As a woman, in the future I am okay to take care my family… to educate my kids, to prepare some delicacy for my husband, taking care my family. That’ll be my pleasure. I even don’t have any idea to threat men authority. But I also have lots of potential inside, I still want to be a researcher, a writer, a photographer, play music, I also still love to teach. And I hope my future partner can understand that.

I know that our community sometime more-cruel than our inner circle family. They become a commentator without knowing what really happened inside. I remember when one of my friend told me that she has a friend who made a mean comment about a women who came very late from home by said “Hish… she must be never take care her kids”. Who knows this woman have a serious financial problem in her family, who knows her husband already passed away, who knows the income of his husband is just not enough… who knows? Have we think about that before we judge about other people?

The same question for my self.

Maybe… we no need to be a real-radical feminist.
Maybe just become a wiser and better person is enough to make this world become more comfortable to live in.
Yeah… maybe.

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Published by Marissa Malahayati

I fall in love, with books, cats, science, econometrics, photography, art, music, and everything cute.
Wanna be a good writer, teacher, and researcher but the most important thing is become a good daughter, sister, friend, and in the future [hopefully] nice wife and mom :)
View all posts by Marissa Malahayati