I’m So Mad Right Now

In an effort to improve my health and get out of the house some, I’ve recently begun getting up at 5am and going for a walk around my neighborhood. Typically I just do a couple of laps of my block and call it a day. It’s some nice exercise, there aren’t a lot of people around so it’s low risk, and it’s not unreasonably hot yet.

However, this morning I had an experience that has made me absolutely fuming mad. I was just finishing up my first lap and was in sight of my house. I was planning to do at least one more lap, if not two. But as I was walking down a fairly well-traversed street in my small, Midwestern town, a black pickup truck pulled to the curb ahead of me. That was red flag number one. But I kept going.

As I was passing by the truck, the window rolled down and the man inside called something out. I pulled my earbud out, thinking maybe he was just lost, and asked him to repeat. “Where you walking to?” was what he called back. “Just walking,” I replied. I put my earbud back in and I could hear him saying something else, but I couldn’t make it out. The truck pulled away and at the corner turned onto my street.

By the time I made it to the corner, the truck was nowhere in sight, so I hightailed it to my front door, let myself in, and slammed the bolt behind me. I wasn’t finished with the walk I wanted to take, but I no longer felt safe outside.

I honestly don’t know what I would have done if he had been parked on my street. There isn’t a police or fire station within easy walking distance. I don’t really know any of my neighbors well enough to knock on their doors asking for refuge. And I’m not confident that calling the police would have done me any good.

I posted about the incident on Facebook, which has only caused me to become more angry. Other women I know have had similar experiences. They suggested changing my route or walking at a different time. They had recommendations for pepper spray made for joggers.

Here’s why I’m angry: I shouldn’t have to change what I’m doing because men don’t know how to behave. I shouldn’t need to carry a weapon when I’m walking in my own neighborhood, the place where I live. I shouldn’t have to be afraid that some man is going to come along and harm me when I’m just out living my life. But I do.

I’m mad that I didn’t get to finish my walk, because I’ve been making such good progress. I’m mad that I’m afraid. That someone I’ve never met before has the power to make me scared. I’m mad that for a while I’m going to be nervous and extra alert on my morning walks. I’m mad that I live in a world where I have to consider all of this.

As a woman, I deserve to be able to leave my house without fear. I should be able to live my life, not disturbing anyone, and not be harassed. I have the right to walk around my neighborhood without being armed. Everyone has these rights. And they should be protected for everyone.

I want to live in a world where women don’t have to fear that some man is going to come along and physically harm them. I don’t want to believe that the police wouldn’t come to my aid. That my fears would be dismissed or my story not believed. I don’t want to live in a society that has so many women with similar stories.

But, that’s not the reality. And that’s why I’m mad.

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ktbyrdewrites

I'm 31. I live in the cornfields of northwest Illinois, which generates incredible wanderlust. I am an 8 time Nanowrimo participant and 4-time winner! I write historical fiction and mysteries.
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