Posted by The Baron of Culture on May 31, 2016, 8:29 pm, in reply to "rubbisch"

Did I mention issues that I was having with not having the key to the bin shed? I'm not sure. But yeah, I've been here for three months and only recently got the key to the bin shed. I complained about it from day one. I'd just put my trash out in front of the bin shed because I had no other option and then foxes would get into it. I'd tell the agents what was happening but nothing much was getting done.

They gave me a key that didn't work. So I said I need a key that works. They said, "Ask your neighbour for their key, make a copy, and we'll reimburse you". I said, "I don't want to do that. Give me the contact details of the person responsible for these keys". They then asked my neighbour to make a copy for me.

I was pretty pissed off. Asking an elderly woman to go make a key for me. It's their job to do this shit, not the tenants. At least I got a key that works now.

I'm not sure why the bins are locked anyway. Who, other than foxes, are going through your garbage?

Anyway, took a big ass crap today. Like four big logs. Then two hours later, I feel the urge to go again. I'm sitting on the toilet and it feels like diarrhea is brewing but no, just shot out one small turd with great velocity and that was it.

This has been building for some time. I haven't gone for maybe a week.

Got a peri peri wrap from McDonalds for lunch today. Hope that thing didn't have a tomato-based sauce. It was a hot sauce and red but could just be a pepper sauce. Yeah. Wikipedia doesn't list tomatos as an ingredient. And my fingers aren't swollen so far.

I've been eating hamburgers for the past couple days instead of the chicken fajitas. Just wanted a break from that shit. But hamburgers are difficult now because I can't use ketchup. But I used this sriracha sauce that I had, which seems to just be peppers and whatnot. No tomatoes. And fingers are fine.

Is it better than ketchup? Certainly not. But I don't want swollen fingers.

It kind of sucks. I enjoyed ketchup. Fries are difficult now too. I just eat them plain. And while I didn't enjoy pasta, I still ate it as a carbohydrate load. And basically all ready meals are off the table now because they're mostly pasta-based. Obviously, pizza isn't an option any more either. Can only order from places that have a BBQ base but only like Dominos and maybe Pizza Hut have that bizarre option and I don't even know why they have that.

Reminds me of when my lady friend was over and we were in Tesco shopping. I'm looking at the refigerated beverages and I say, "You don't drink milk, do you?" And she said, "No!" with violent disgust like I just insulted her mother. This is in stark contrast to her normally demure nature.

But the reason I suspected that she didn't drink milk is because she's black and non-white people have a high intolerance to dairy products. Indeed, this is found throughout the animal kingdom. Only babies drink milk. But Caucasians have developed a tolerance for dairy products even into adulthood, I guess through the millenia of dairy farming.

It's more than a bit weird, though. Impreganating cows or whatever, stealing their babies, and then harvesting their milk for human consumption. And who was the first person looking at a primitive goat, for example, and saying, "I'm going to pull this thing and whatever comes out of it, I'm going to drink it." Some sick caveman pervert.

Also went to a Polish shop today at lunch. Was looking for some candy. Didn't really have anything. Lots of chocolate but I was just looking for a gelatin candy or...I don't know...boiled sweets or...something. Not chocolate.

Took a while but eventually, I found a big thing of Mamba. I used to get these in Finland. They're like Starburst. Made in Germany, apparently. The package I got only had Polish and Lithuanian or something ingredients so they must make batches solely for that market. They're alright. I don't know if they're sold in the UK but I never saw them other than in this Polish store.

I'd like to look up some more classmates but it's such disappointing returns. Even when you find somebody it's usually somebody I don't remember and they're just doing the same old boring shit as the rest of my former classmates.

Still...maybe somebody's a senator or something. So I'll do a few.

Now here's an interesting ad. In the back of the yearbook, there's a bunch of ads from local businesses. It's a way to make some money for the school, I guess. And they'd argue that it's a way to reduce the cost of the yearbooks but I don't think that they pass any savings on.

Anyway, the ad. It's for a company called Patco Distribution. It seems that they sell oils, grease, anti-freeze, and packaging. It's a full page ad. Then they list the phone number. I just gave you all of the information on this ad. It's all within a drawing of an oil drum.

I've never made use of this company and never even heard of it before just now. And looking at the ad, I have no idea why anyone, let alone a high school kid or a recent graduate, would have any reason to buy their products. "Hey, you want to buy some grease? Come on over to Patco". No address, nothing. Just a phone number.

Let me Google this shit up. I'd be amazed if they're still in business. Well, they have an empty Facebook page. Also on some Chamber of Commerce website. They're in the grease and lubrication business.

But what would you need this stuff for? Is it a car thing? And why...I mean...it looks like a wholesaler. Who needs grease in wholesale quantities?

There's a lot of references to a Patco strike 30 years ago. It feels like I'm missing some part of local history here. They're somehow connected with the steel industry, maybe. A lot of railroad results too. No idea.

Let's check out the other ads. Is this restaurant still around? It's not on Yelp. Yeah, I see the administration filing. They opened in 1977 and closed just a couple years ago. Owned by a Greek immigrant.

This mechanic shop is surely gone. I used to go there to have my car fixed. Well, they're not on the internet. Yeah. Not on the Google Maps list of mechanics. Maybe they're under a different name now. I don't remember where they were. But I see that this other, more iconic mechanic, who also advertised, is still in business. God, that guy must be 150 years old now.

I think this taxi service is gone now too. My mother was the only person in town who used it because everyone else drove. It was a really sleazy place. Sold pornographic magazines too. Yeah, it's gone.

The bank is still there but it was recently bought out by another bank.

The video rental place is long gone. I think that they rented porn as well.

This body shop seems like it's still in business. Maybe.

Possibly, the accountant is still in business. His Facebook page hasn't been updated in three years.

This shoe shop is long gone. I don't even think it made it a year after we graduated. My mother used to buy shoes from there to try to keep the woman in business. She was an immigrant. But yeah, I think that business only lasted a year at the most.

Here's a paint store. It just seems weird. These are old fashioned stores. Yeah, it's closed now. I might have been there once. The guy tried selling candy as well as paint but...didn't work out.

Hey, here's the pizza place that I worked at. I bet it's still open because it's an institution. Yeah, they're still doing a roaring trade. Nothing below four stars on Yelp.

Why is this judge congratulating my class? I guess because judges are elected in the US so you have to sort of campaign. All of the Google results for this woman are from about 1991, though, so I doubt she's still a judge. She might still be a lawyer, though. A sole practitioner. Tough to figure out on Google.

This grocery store has been through many different owners but I think it's still there. Yeah, it is.

Hey, my 10th and 11th grade English teacher took out a joint ad with some other English teachers. That's nice, considering that he left the school in my 11th grade. Last I checked, he was a vice-principal in a much better school. Good for him. He was the best teacher I had.

This energy company is surely still in business. Yeah.

It seems this veterinarian retired two years ago. Surprised the business was open all this time, though.

This creepy photographer has a website under a different name but the site is down. Open as of two years ago, though.

Oh, here's a good one. I never even heard of this used car dealership. But according to the local paper, in 1996 (the year I graduated) the owner of this dealership was arrested for selling drugs out of his establishment. He was the mastermind for a cocaine ring. Sold 110 pounds of cocaine a month. That's an oddly specific number. He was sentenced to 30 years in prison.

You know, in England, murderers get 15 years in prison at most. I don't think I've ever seen more than 15 years. It must not be possible to sentence for longer than that. But here we have a drug dealer sentenced to 30 years in the US.

I'm not making any sort of political statement. They can execute that scumbag. It's just interesting the differences in sentencing.

Wow. This CarX still exists. How many people need muffler and brake work? Enough to keep them in business for 20+ years, it seems.

First Church of Christ. No address or phone number. Can this cult still be operating? Well, there's a blank Facebook page. Think that they've changed their name.

Who are the people going to these churches, though? I mean, if you want to worship Jesus, I'm cool with that. But there are plenty of Roman Catholic churches in the area. Why go to this redneck, hillbilly, heretic shit?

I'd give Jennifer some loving but that's some real cult shit right there. "Elders" indeed. And they have some gap-toothed hillbilly lay minister. Charlie is clearly a conman just from the photo. Creepy as shit.

Now this is just sad. A guy who shovels snow. He's doing that for a living. That kind of desperation is probably common nowadays in that ghetto but in 1996, things weren't as bad. No results for his company or the phone number. He probably committed suicide 15 years ago.

A trophy shop. I never know how these places stay in business. You see them once in a great while even to this day. Yeah, it seems to be long gone. Last mention online is from 1999 when he was given $2500 to make some uniforms for a kids baseball team and then disappeared.

Here's an insurance broker. Possibly still around. That's shocking. People don't buy insurance any more. No money and people don't stay on the same job. No stability.

Here's a doctor congratulating us. Oh. This was the principal. Calls herself a doctor. How pretentious.

Well, here's an interesting story. You know that girl who allegedly had a threesome in the school pool and now works as a doctor after going to a questionable Caribean medical school and is more than a bit crazy from her drug-dealing brother getting killed execution style by other drug dealers? Well, I'm pretty sure that this story proves the threesome rumour true.

It seems that she was locked in the school girl's locker room in 1996 after swim practice. She was due to see her boyfriend. Swim class finished early and somehow the coach locked everything with her inside.

So to pass the time, she took a bunch of showers. She wanted to find the best one.

What non-##### is going to tell the local paper that while they were locked in the school, they ran around naked trying all of the showers?

She also doesn't seem scared to me. But evidently, she was so terrified, that she climbed up on the ceiling, removed some tiles, crawled out, broke a window, chipped away at a lock using a butterknife, and pulled the fire alarm. And instead of the principal sending her a bill for what must be thousands of dollars in damages by this #### who was running around naked in the school, she says that she's going to install a phone in the locker room to make sure this never happens again. This was before mobile phones, of course.

Anyway, this principal is last seen on Google in 2001. They had a revolving door principal programme going on at that school. She's retired now according to Facebook. She studied physical education. Real hardcore butch lesbian, as per the stereotype. She probably wishes she was there when that girl was locked in the showers.

Wow. No way is this appliance sales and service company still in business. In the days of people getting their dishwashers from...I don't know...some chain store? Amazing. And this Slovak guy who owns the place must be 200 years old now.

The bowling alley is still around. That doesn't surprise me. It was popular.

The roller rink is long gone. This doesn't surprise me either. That's a business from a bygone era. I think they converted it to an indoor soccer...whatever it's called for a while, but that was a no go too.

The Dairy Queen is still open too. But they expect you to bring in the ad to get $1.00 off any size cake. So you're supposed to cut up your fucking yearbook just to get a buck off of a cake. And I know it was 1996 so a dollar was worth more but still, no way is this worth it. And Patco must be really pissed off because he's on the other side of this coupon.

This lawyer died three years ago. And the law firm itself was acquired by a larger law firm only a year after this ad was published. He was partners with some Jew lawyer but I can't find him online.

Holy crap. This funeral home is still in business, not unsurprising, they've been around since 1905, but they merged with another funeral home. They were both local funeral homes. I think my father's funeral was there.

Are there many more of these? Holy crap, there are. This will have to be a two-parter. And I didn't even look up any classmates.

But here's a little thing in the corner. Best albums of 95/96. I guess the students voted on this because they have percentages.

Smashing Pumpkins Mellon Collie... was number one. Guess they couldn't fit in the full title which is fair enough. Makes sense that this wins. They were a popular band and somewhat local. The album still holds up. Well, I don't know. But they at least have three classics on it.

Second was Rancid And Out Come the Wolves. Can't say I'm familiar. And Rancid? They might have been popular in 1996 but it was surely a brief run. Yeah, I never heard of any of these songs. Oh. Ruby Soho. Yeah, that sucks. Is this a California band? Yeah, I think so. Fuck them. Let me give Roots Radicals a listen. No, never heard this before and it's shit. Try Time Bomb. Yeah, I heard this a billion times but it sucks. How did these faggots get to number two on the list?

Three is Hootie and the Blowfish Cracked Rear View. Can't recall Hootie and the Blowfish being huge either. Yeah. Wikipedia suggests 1995 was their debut year and peak year.

As for the album...god, these titles look gay as shit. Let's try Drowning. No, never heard of this. It's the shits. Only Wanna Be With You. No...I don't recall this either. I thought I would but it's not what I was thinking of. These are some more California queers, surely. Surprisingly, no. But flash in the pan nobodies nonetheless.

This is actually the top six because there's two number 4's. There was a tie. Should have just stopped at 5 but whatever. It's top six.

So tied for fourth place is Bush Sixteen Stone. Never heard of this either. I mean Bush...vaguelly. But not the album. Another flash in the pan band, I think. Real throw away culture.

Wait..are they English? Yeah. From London. Everything Zen, yeah, that's good. Familiar with that, of course. Little Things...yeah, that's also good and well-known. Machinehead as well. Glycerine, same deal. Okay, well when I'm wrong, I'm wrong. This is a fine work of mid 1990s grunge. I still say that they didn't do much after 1996, though, and Wikipedia confirms this. I also had no idea that they were English. Or that all of these songs were theirs. I just knew the songs, I'm not hugely into this shit.

Also fourth is Seven Mary Three The American Standard. Now, here's a band I definitely never heard of. Yeah, seems to be one album and then they ran out of steam. Let's try Water's Edge. American Standard is a company who makes toilets so I wonder if the song title is a reference to some urinary joke. No, never heard this shit. Let's try Cumbersome. Could be another toilet joke. Scatalogical this time. To drop a cumbersome load. Okay, I remember this. Not amazing by any means.

Finally, Alanis Morissette Jagged Little Pill. Something for the ladies. I mean, the rest of this list is for the white males. We did have a lot of Mexicans in our class. Where's...I don't know...the Fiesta Macarena?

So the songs. Hand in My Pocket, yeah. Don't have to search that one. All I Really Want. Never heard it. Same with You Ougta Know.

So where was I going with this? It's just a bit surprising, I guess. I mean, I was never into music but I listened to the same radio station that my white classmates did. Same era. I wouldn't have picked these. I'm barely even familiar with most of these bands.

But I guess by 1996, the grunge movement was in it's last days and there was nothing yet to replace it. It wouldn't be 1997 when Hanson took America by storm with Mmmbop and brought in a tidal wave of homosexual pretty boy bands that have dominated the music scene ever since.

So this list is like the final year of mainstream alternative music. Shit you forgot about. Shit that was forgettable. But at the time, it's all we had.