It’s Probably Racial

Dear Yeti,
I am in a three-year relationship with a man from a different race to who I am recently engaged. My family and friends have been nothing but supportive but I am starting to feel pressure from his side. I feel that their culture is so serious and exclusive. Now that things are getting more serious I feel like they are objecting to our possible future together.

It's not just the family it's also other people. People in public sometimes give us looks like they are trying to figure what we are doing together. Sometimes I just feel a general disaproval from people I don't know. Are we doing something wrong? I mean are we making a mistake by pursing a potentially complex interracial marriage?

Scheri,
San Diego, CA

Dear Scheri,

Yes you are absolutely doing something wrong, humans should never, mix races, never. Stop what you are doing and find a guy who looks just like you and pursue a relationship with him. How does that sound? Hmmm wait for it, wait for it, Light bulb! That sounds ridiculous doesn’t it?

You need to ask yourself, what is your attraction to this guy? It’s probably that in addition to his compatibility, his differences bring a new richness to into your life. This is a wonderful thing and not at all something you should be questioning. What you should be questioning is this vibe you’re getting from his friends and family. Please allow me to extrapolate and make few assumptions on your behalf. We are not just talking about the mixing of two races, or two cultures. We’re also talking about the mixing of religions aren’t we?

If we are, lets get something straight. Everyone navigating the challenging waters of monogamy has to learn to compromise. This problem is not unique to your relationship. Stop living in a vacuum and look around. I’m reminded of the Waylon Jennings song “Good hearted woman in love with a good time’n man,” and how the clean freaks I know have all married a closet pig and so on and so on. Being in a relationship and committing to it does not mean overlooking the differences it means adapting to them, no matter how hard it may be. In your case the people in his background were expecting his wife to be similar to them and they defiantly were hoping his wife would become an asset to the family. This can still be done without converting religions or loosing all your integrity. Here are a few examples. If they’re first language is different, than learn it. If they have traditions that are unfamiliar to you, accommodate them.

Look to the future. Should you choose to have children they will need to have one foot planted in both cultures. This is a value system that you and your husband will need to understand if you are ever going to teach them. Like it or not Society will play a role in this as well. Your children will likely go through periods of confusion as they grow up. The stronger your relationship with your future husbands family, the stronger sense of self your children will have. If the newly elected president Barach Obama provides any insight it’s that the cultural climate in the United States is changing and that any reservations you may have socially about your interracial relationship are plain insecurities on your part. I speak from experience I have been in a very rewarding relationship with an abdominal snowwoman for years now and have never looked back.

You Might Also Like

Only in development country we can see this kind of relationship where exist a rule-law. In the country of third world it’s impossible there is no equity. Only the Caucasian women of the first world it’s proper for the hight educations of them society. For that and more, and more things I love the first world.

It is going to be as difficult as you two allow it to be. Remember this relationship is only between you two and how you feel about each other and that IS all that will ever truely matter in your relationship. It is nice to have the support from all family members (no matter what the nationality is ecc. Irish & indian or scottish & german or black & white) but that is not a need to make any relationship work or should be allowed to dictate how the two of you should feel for each other. If you both truely love each other for the right reasons then do just that, love each other with or without family blessings and/or daily involvement in you lives period.

I think if u truly love someone with honesty n respect. For me there is nothing beautiful thing in this world for anyone which u both share. I m in a relationship n we both have same culture, religion n etc.. But now things are going out of hand which doesn’t bother me because i m a guy n for her living like this making her miserable. offcourse no body want anything like that in ur relationship.I really don’t care about any of features that your family put infront of you. People will talk n talk but it effects you n your partner. But my question is what if you love so much n you don’t want to lose her no matter what. Like does it matter what people and family say? I am not saying that they wanna break you u apart but between you n your partner, thats your life. It’s you both in the end. In my stuation she is only person that i care about but she is breaking because of our family and people. Why i still thinking about her? why can’t i change my mind that she doesn’t want anything from me? I can’t.

It takes 3 to create a relation ship. God, you and your spouse. The relation will might last if relation is based on feelings. May be a seven year itch. All look good now because you are in love. The marriage is a commtment, not a feelings. Feeling come and goes. Every day is a new day in marriage. The marriage is a balance between you and your husband. My marriage was arranged, but I was engaged to my wife for approxmately an year and than we got married. It has been 15 years and I love my wife very much. She and I went thru many hard times together but we kept our relation ship alive by Keeping GOD in the middle of our marriage. All the best to you !