Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Disappointments.....

so wat has been happening in my life u ask? well let me tell you....

ok so i had this grand aspirations for this post... i wanted write about many things but then i realise its was not worth it... why go re write it down only to relive the hurt again? as long as i know the details its enuff...

instead i will post a song! yay a song .. it pretty much sums up wat was the major thing that was going on in my life... its an arab song and i posted it before but i didn't really think it would happen to me. hah. the translations pretty much sums it up. although we were nvr lovers but the chorus part pretty much sums it up. listen la its a nice song.

You dont want us to stay loversAnd never stay away from each otherYou want me to be ur freindAnd lie to my melting heartyou are unfair and u knowThe pain i feel when your're far away from meTell me my loveAnd i'll accept my fateIf you let me know what you wish for

CHORUSBecause of you i started to hidingThe love i have in my heartPretending that i'm indifferentNot caring not concernedActing like a friend to youConstantly asking how you are doingFeeling secure that you are nearAnd not troubling you with my love

Your love had me running after youAnd made me lose my selfIt made me follow you everywhereBut it did not take me, nor did it let me go

You are so selfishOh my love try to forget meMy heart hardensAnd it can forgetThe days we were lovers.

i dunno.. thinking back i think i was insane la.... maybe its was easier to live a lie... at least u don't feel so loserish after the truth comes out... so many "why this" and " why that" and "whats wrong wit me" that needs to be answered.

but thinking again... we will never learn and grow if we don't experience such things such as hurt and rejection. i guess its a good thing. ok i'm trying to look at the positive here and trying not to fall into a state of rejection induced depression. but its ok i'll survive.. i always do.

anyways i'm not angry at anyone. even if i was, i would be dissappointed and angry at myself... why? well that shall not be posted here... if not i'll look like a loser. oh wait i already am. sighs.

u know i think my curse is that i understand to much. i understand why people do the things they do and react the way they do. I'M TOO FREAKING UNDERSTANDING. sometimes i wish i didn't understand so many things. maybe life would be less painful.

its like u understand why but u still feel the pain. understanding does not make it go away. in fact it makes it worse. sighs.