Keeping Pregnancy Plans Secret

"I don't want my friends to know my plans to get pregnant, but I'm afraid they'll notice new healthy habits like ordering seltzer during our happy hour get-togethers. What can I do to throw them off track?"

So mum’s the word until your pregnancy plans pan out? If you're opting for discretion, you might have to shoo away questions from curious friends, family and coworkers regarding your new hard-to-hide health habits. When a caffeine fiend goes decaf and a fine-wine fanatic starts filling up on fruit juice, people start to wonder what’s up.

Shrug it off. When you decline that after-work beer, or a coworker sees you pour from the decaf coffee carafe, don’t give up the goods. Play it cool and wait to see whether anyone notices. You'll be amazed at how often people won’t. Why raise eyebrows by making excuses? Think of it as your pregnancy plan’s own “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.

Don’t fret about fibbing. Think your colleagues and acquaintances won’t believe that you’ve willingly jumped on the coffee, soda or booze wagon? Come up with a convincing cover story to cover up those pregnancy plans. There are plenty of good reasons for abstaining from alcohol or cutting caffeine that have nothing to do with pregnancy. “I have a long drive home,” or “Caffeine keeps me up at night,” are some harmless examples. Everyone will understand your desire for privacy once they know why you’ve been fibbing.

Pass the cup. If you’re at a party with your spouse or a trusted confidante, accept a cocktail that the two of you can “share.” The other guests won’t suspect that you’re really not sharing but abstaining, although your date might get more tipsy than usual (so you should plan to drive home!).

If they do ask about your pregnancy plans, be prepared. Come up with a one-line response to questions about your future plans (and, yes, you may be lying again, but for a good cause!). Some examples that should stifle any potential follow-ups include, “Sure, I'd love to be a mom some day, but I'm in no hurry” or “My husband and I are still working out the timing.”

More on Getting Pregnant

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Sidestep the topic. Who says you have to say anything…definite? If the topic of your newfound love of veggies leads to your best friend asking whether you’re trying to conceive, distract her by bringing up all of the delicious broccoli dishes you’re discovering. She’ll get the hint that you don’t want to talk about it. And when your mother-in-law asks if you’ll soon be eating for two, you can say “It’s hard enough for me to eat for one! In fact, I just discovered some quick and easy recipes…”

If you do slip and tell or absolutely can’t avoid sharing your pregnancy plans with your best pal or your mom (you left a pregnancy test kit out in the open, for example, and they spotted it), just be honest with them about your feelings. Acknowledge that yes, you’re trying to conceive, but that you’d rather it be kept under wraps for the time being.

Here’s to undercover baby making!

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What to Expect Before You're Expecting, 2nd edition, Heidi Murkoff and Sharon Mazel