I’ve found myself in a jam. I am a person that needs alone time to center myself, sweep the attic, find my peace, so I take walks in the woods.

The outdoor has always been my go-to and to be honest, the only thing that helped me in time of need. No matter if it was the cause of anger, planning, or charging my batteries. When I get back to myself I, of course, come to my partner, and we can talk peacefully.

But, my partner is completely vice versa. He says that when I take time to myself, I walk away from him and he can’t stand me doing so; he is tortured by it. He says that it hurts him seeing me walk away and insists that I stay put.

The thing is, I need a breather when he upsets me and having a moment to myself is what helps me most to get a better perspective, calm and not erupt like a volcano on all corners. He wants me to find another way to get the same effect as the outdoors and being alone gives me, but at the time I feel trapped and not respected.

I know he only wants to help and is believing in doing everything together in good and bad times, but I need time to myself which he doesn’t want to give.

Nelly, it does not bode well that your partner has become so, pathologically, dependant that he, simply, cannot cope without you, permanently, by his side.

Even a toddler likes to run off and make sandcastles on his own for a while without the need to, endlessly, cling to mummies hand!

I am wondering how your partner ( outside of his, obvious need for you ) unwinds, recharges his batteries?

Quite simply, does this man have ~Any, other interests besides you! Surely, he must like something, outside of your relationship together?

Once you determine whatever that ~ something, is, endeavor to take it away from him!

That’s right, be a devil, Ban It!

He might, for instance, enjoy watching football on the TV, playing computer games..eating cake, reading the morning paper over a cup of coffee, crocheting, petting the dog, playing the trumpet, slot machines, bingo, hopping around on one leg, who cares! Whatever it is, relentlessly, forbid him to indulge, then watch that little face crumple up in dismay, with that calmly state ~”Ditto, I too have my needs, would you, Please, ~ Respect, my wishes, and allow me my own space, as I allow you yours?

If he is, still, unable/unwilling to unleash control over your autonomy then wait a week or so. Then tell him, i.e., your mother is ill, and you need to go and look after her for a few days. Tell him, anything, doesn’t matter what, so long as it is believable, and you, then, have legitimate excuse to pack your bags and leave the house completely for some breathing space.

If, at this point, he is burning your suitcases, hiding the car keys or desperately clinging to your leg as you walk to the door. Then it is time, perhaps, to be seeking some professional help…

Oh, you think I exaggerate? Indeed, it might not be this bad, yet! But if you have, already, allowed the situation to escalate to the point where you cannot even take a quiet walk in the woods on your own from time to time, how much more of your autonomy is, yet, to be vetoed?

When relationships go awry they can go, ~Very, awry…. read a few of the ~Relationship abuse stories on this forum, for corroboration. It all starts with just how much the significant other is ~Willing, to put up with. The more we accept, the more the other will ~ Take, until there is little to nothing left but a mere shell of our former self.

You must, learn to take back your power at this early stage, otherwise who knows the extent or manner of insecurity, yet, to reveal itself in your overly needy partner?

I found myself in a similar situation. He wants to do everything with me and gets jealous when I do things with other people, even when I’m hanging with female friends who he knows well. It’s frustrating. At first, I conceded to his requests, hanging out with my friends less and less because I wanted to meet his needs.

But over time I’ve put my foot down more and more to make sure my needs are being met. Cause a relationship is about both people having their needs met, not just one. The more I put my foot down, the more he gets upset, and I’m starting to think we’ll never meet each other’s needs here. We’ve been through therapy, and it’s still an issue.

It doesn’t go away; it just becomes more frustrating over time. I’m sorry you’re going through this and that there isn’t an easy answer. But I do think there should be a compromise instead of you just not going on your walks. Maybe couples therapy would help sort this out.

The Opinions on this website are only those of individual users. Nothing on this website should be taken as financial, medical or legal advice.

Always seek the help of a qualified professional.

We use cookies on our website for analytics and ads. By continuing, we will assume that you agree.AcceptRead More

Privacy, Cookie and Ad Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.

Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.

Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.

Insert/edit link

Enter the destination URL

URL

Link Text

Open link in a new tab

Or link to existing content

Search

No search term specified. Showing recent items.Search or use up and down arrow keys to select an item.