Principles for Relationships from God's Word by Claudio Consuegra

Three lessons about adoption – 1

Having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, Ephesians 1:5 (NKJV)

Several days ago we shared some ideas that Kathy Cannon, a pastor and mother of five adopted children, says you have not heard before about adoption. She also talks about the three most important things she and her husband didn’t learn in foster/adoption classes.[i]

Everything takes way longer than you want it to. It’s easy to think that the adoption process should go smoothly and quickly. The truth is that the process can be very long, tedious, and frustrating, and you will have to wait, perhaps for a long time.

While you wait, she recommends you allow yourself all the feelings, all of the questions, all of the spontaneous dates and vacations that you possibly can. Once you have your child, your life will be changing drastically. Even if your child is not an infant, their needs will still be higher than normal for their age bracket, and your entire focus will shift to her needs.

You can’t give your child everything he’s ever wanted. Cannon comments, “for a child from the foster system, their entire life has been new places, new people and new noises. It turns out, those early vacations are often forgotten as just another chapter of transition and chaos.” Instead she recommends allowing your family to settle into this “new normal” which will give your child the ability to find his footing and see what stability really and truly means. For instance, dinner at the table every night is more important than a room full of toys. Rather than the latest and best of gadgets, a new family picture prominently placed on the wall is more emotionally valuable to your daughter. As Cannon explains, “after all, what your son may want most of all, is to figure out how to like this new life with you while still not losing the identity of his past, his family of origin, and the only reality he’s known. And that will take patience and time, and consistent reassurance.

While adoption can be a great challenge, it can also be a wonderful opportunity both for parents and children.

Father God, thank you for adopting us as your children. May we extend the same caring love to those with no parents of their own.