2012 Old Boys MASL Squad

1. Brandon Overlie

Hometown: Brooklyn Park, MN
Previous club: Champlin Park

An Adonis-like physical specimen with an Antaeus-like Olympian grip on any shot or cross foolish enough to make its way into the area, Overlie is a veritable Greek God of Goalkeeping. Except he’s not Greek.

2. Rob Peichel

Hometown: Minneapolis, MN
Previous club: Gladiators

A legend. Not slowed down by ankle or knee surgery, the fiery midfielder has a style of play that makes being fired from a catapult into a mattress of cocaine seem like a Friday night at home in front of the TV.

3. Jake Keeler

Hometown: St Cloud, MN
Previous clubs: Sambas, Macalester College

The lanky winger joined the SOBs in the fall of 2010 and, like a finely crafted beer, Keeler has a complex game that can be appreciated on many levels from the physical to the artistic to the aerial. A Blues mainstay.

4. Dan Hoedeman

Hometown: Palos Verdes, CA
Previous clubs: South Bay Gunners

His tackles hit you like a swinging sack of flour in a pillow fight but, paired with his impeccable technique and nuclear submarine stamina, Hoedeman always cleanly nicks the ball away and scampers off to support the attack.

5. Al Vo

Hometown: Minneapolis, MN
Previous club: Augsburg College

A low center of gravity, a killer first touch and a shot that vectors like a heat-seeking missile, Vo is a buccaneering fullback who enjoys a Chuck Norris-like ability to kick so hard that opponents are certain he has kicked into the future.

6. Tyler Woodward

Hometown: Madison, WI
Previous club: Yahara United

A potent mix of attacking nous and defensive solidity, Woodward is a happy-go-lucky player whose friendliness makes you unwary. Which is foolish because he destroys the unwary.

7. George Hanscom

Hometown: Golden Valley, MN
Previous club: Hopkins Dynamo

“Gorgeous” George, who can’t drive past a high school without being practically carjacked by cheerleaders, is nonetheless an effective and hard-working midfielder with creativity, a range of passing and the ability to get stuck in.

8. Tommy McCarthy

Hometown: Hounslow, England
Previous club: Bedfont Town FC

A torpedo of a midfielder, a hollow-point bullet, a blunt hypodermic needle of adrenaline, McCarthy patrols the midfield with a frenetic energy and uncoiled explosiveness. He is completely bad ass.

9. Sean Webb

Hometown: Sarasota, FL
Previous club: IMG Academy

An adhesive touch, a venomous shot, and Stephen Hawking-like intelligence on the field, the Floridian has weaponized his formal soccer abilities to become a purposeful, no-nonsense goalscoring machine.

10. Jon Bisswurm

Hometown: Milwaukee, WI
Previous club: Milwaukee Bavarians

Co-founder of Stegman’s Old Boys, the midfielder from the Kaiserslautern youth system is wee and wondrous, like a dwarf pony. Or Mick Jagger. But what he lacks in size he makes up for in vision, technique and the occasional biting tackle.

11. Daniel Warner

Hometown: Ottawa, KS
Previous club: Bethany LB College

A four-year Division III standout for the Swedes of Bethany, Warner was signed with much fanfare in early 2011 and is such an extravagant talent that were he to turn into a giant laser-belching “Transformers” robot, you would miss the soccer player because he is so much cooler.

12. Dan Hedstrom

Hometown: Alexandria, MN
Previous club: University of North Dakota

Like a coiled rattlesnake, Hedstrom gives off the aura of danger and backs it up with searing pace, thrusting invention and a venomous intent that has left more than one opposing defender shivering in his boots.

13. Chris Sturdy

Hometown: Brooklyn Park, MN
Previous club:

Soft-spoken, polite and considerate with little old ladies, the tattooed Sturdy is anything but with opposition players. He’s no nancy in the tackle, but really shines when it comes to technical ability. If trapping and passing a soccer ball were engineering, he would have already built a space elevator.

15. Travis Pennings

Hometown:
Previous club:

A hunter who tracks down opposition forwards (and the occasional duck when it’s the appropriate season), the burly Wisconsonite is a rough hewn weapon of a defender, a walking dealer of blunt-force trauma. We’re pretty sure he is outlawed in the more effete eastern states.

16. Nathan Toldt

Hometown: Milwaukee, WI
Previous club: Milwaukee Bavarians

A poet whose topic is the art of defense, Toldt’s grace and composure remind one of a languid stroll down the Seine where impenetrable philosophical thoughts are discussed in flowery prose. And then he wins the ball and keys an attack.

18. David Maier

A truly lethal midfielder, “Kid Cudi” likes to break down opposing defenders, leaving them looking ridiculous. As if they were wearing a “Team Jacob” t-shirt.

19. Paul Diegnau

Hometown: Cottage Grove, MN
Previous club: Cottage Grove United

Full of technique, tricks and verve, none of those fineries should obscure the fact that Diegnau is a truly powerful, damn-near wild winger who successfully marries Rodney Marsh-like creativity with Gerd Muller-like ruthlessness.

20. Derek Thomas

Hometown: Philadelphia, PA
Previous club: Chicago Arsenal

Scouts mention words like beauty and handsomeness and incredibly chiseled features to describe the midfielder, but he passes well too. And he will own you at paintball.

22. Michael Logan

Hometown: Minneapolis, MN
Previous club: Internationals

Hugely civilized, desperately fast, full of modern tricks and imbued with a kind of spirit and joie de vivre that makes competitive players look positively Amish, Logan is a devastating forward.