Tag: self esteem

After thinking about the fact I wear a full face of makeup all the time and wondering what impression that gives to other people (in particular, young girls) – I’ve been leaving the house with a clean face more often. Because that needs to be okay for me to do, so that I can show others that it is okay to do – while simultaneously showing them that it is okay to wear caked on makeup sometimes, too. It’s all okay to do.

And it’s not because I think I’m less of a feminist for wearing makeup – in fact, if anything, the realization that I support choice over all else makes me feel more feminist than ever before.

Lately, I haven’t been feeling too great about myself. Every time I look in the mirror, I find myself unhappy with my reflection. This has been causing my depression to kick in, my anxiety has been telling me that my partner is going to leave me and is not attracted to me, and the best part – my eating disorder has been trying to devour me. And I’m trying so fucking hard to keep my head above water.

A few months ago, I became single for the first time in eight years. During those eight years, I developed and began recovering from my eating disorder – a disorder that left me with a very, very complicated relationship with my body.

The first time I had sex was relatively close to the start of my eating disorder, just a few months before I reached my lowest weight. I was sixteen and sex was awesome. At first.