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My disgusting confession *Update*

And no, I do not want a cookie. No, not yay me; and no, I'm not proud. I'm confessing here because no one knows IRL and I need to somehow get it out.

I've been with my husband for almost 10 yrs, married for 6. I had always been faithful to him and always thought I would be. For some unknown reason, about 2.5 months ago I went out for ladies night and ended up bringing a guy home. My husband works late. It was a 1 night stand. It wasn't even really that great....but yet again, I did the same exact thing with someone different 2 weeks later. Again, not even great. Yet here I am, actually talking to another man whom I've been having an emotional fling with for the past month. I have planned for us to hook up next weekend.

Not sure what's wrong with me. I do love my husband, nobody is going to be able to tell me "well, if you love him, then you wouldn't be doing this." Not true. Its almost like I turn into a completely different person. I'm in mom/wife mode all day long, where I am reserved and on a scheduled routine. Then I talk and hook up with other men when I'm out of mom/ wife mode. I become a freak, and free spirited.

I think the worse part of my confession is that I have yet to feel guilty.

*update*
I'm now completely and utterly lost and my heart is broken. I've totally shattered my husband...
I emailed my therapist and wrote a quick summary about what's been going on with me. She wrote me back to schedule an apptt ASAP. I went yesterday. Basically, with telling her about my sexual and emotional affairs and looking through my past and knowing my character as a whole, she told me that she believes I have Bipolar and that I need to see a Psychiatrist to get my info and prescribe me meds. Apparently I was going through a manic episode. When I try and look back now, it almost feels physically impossible that that was me. Its almost a blur- far away distant memory that truthfully I barely remember...and it was only about 2 months ago that I had the sexual affairs. It was completely unlike me and goes against everything I believe in when it comes to my marriage with my husband. It just now seems unfathomable that it was me.... I'm now beyond depressed. More depressed than I've ever been in my entire life.
My therapist told me that I would be good to tell my husband about my recent impulses and behavior and to get him educated with Bipolar Disorder. So....I told him last night about the infidelities. He's broken. I've never seen him cry so hard. I feel like a piece of shit and I hate myself. He's not leaving me, but he's also still confused, and extremely devastated. I will get myself the help I need, manage my manic/ depression episodes with the right meds and forever do everything in my power to make it right with him and keep my family together.

Erm, I've dealt with bipolar and manic depression since a teen. That is NOT an excuse to go spread your legs. Bipolar can not be blamed for being a whore. And it is impossible to diagnose through an email and one therapy session. Your "therapist" needs her license revoked if she can justify you sleeping around with a mental illness she unprofessionally diagnosed you with.

by Anonymous 89
on Mar. 10, 2013 at 6:35 PM

I am bipolar and when I am manic I tend to turn to other men instead of my own husband.
There are times my husband makes me feel cold like he has no heart and even though I love him, I seek out other men who give me the attention I want.
But all of it isn't bipolar..you know it's wrong, you could have stopped anytime. Like me, I know what I am doing is wrong and now I am more open when I need something more from my husband. I talk to guys..but not on a relationship level..if I feel I am getting attached, I cut the strings.

Quoting Anonymous:

And no, I do not want a cookie. No, not yay me; and no, I'm not proud. I'm confessing here because no one knows IRL and I need to somehow get it out.

I've been with my husband for almost 10 yrs, married for 6. I had always been faithful to him and always thought I would be. For some unknown reason, about 2.5 months ago I went out for ladies night and ended up bringing a guy home. My husband works late. It was a 1 night stand. It wasn't even really that great....but yet again, I did the same exact thing with someone different 2 weeks later. Again, not even great. Yet here I am, actually talking to another man whom I've been having an emotional fling with for the past month. I have planned for us to hook up next weekend.

Not sure what's wrong with me. I do love my husband, nobody is going to be able to tell me "well, if you love him, then you wouldn't be doing this." Not true. Its almost like I turn into a completely different person. I'm in mom/wife mode all day long, where I am reserved and on a scheduled routine. Then I talk and hook up with other men when I'm out of mom/ wife mode. I become a freak, and free spirited.

I think the worse part of my confession is that I have yet to feel guilty.

*update*

I'm now completely and utterly lost and my heart is broken. I've totally shattered my husband...

I emailed my therapist and wrote a quick summary about what's been going on with me. She wrote me back to schedule an apptt ASAP. I went yesterday. Basically, with telling her about my sexual and emotional affairs and looking through my past and knowing my character as a whole, she told me that she believes I have Bipolar and that I need to see a Psychiatrist to get my info and prescribe me meds. Apparently I was going through a manic episode. When I try and look back now, it almost feels physically impossible that that was me. Its almost a blur- far away distant memory that truthfully I barely remember...and it was only about 2 months ago that I had the sexual affairs. It was completely unlike me and goes against everything I believe in when it comes to my marriage with my husband. It just now seems unfathomable that it was me.... I'm now beyond depressed. More depressed than I've ever been in my entire life.

My therapist told me that I would be good to tell my husband about my recent impulses and behavior and to get him educated with Bipolar Disorder. So....I told him last night about the infidelities. He's broken. I've never seen him cry so hard. I feel like a piece of shit and I hate myself. He's not leaving me, but he's also still confused, and extremely devastated. I will get myself the help I need, manage my manic/ depression episodes with the right meds and forever do everything in my power to make it right with him and keep my family together.

I'm not an expert on being bipolar, but I would assume she would have experienced more episodes throughout her life/marriage way before this incident. This story is hard for me to believe.

Quoting Anonymous:

Erm, I've dealt with bipolar and manic depression since a teen. That is NOT an excuse to go spread your legs. Bipolar can not be blamed for being a whore. And it is impossible to diagnose through an email and one therapy session. Your "therapist" needs her license revoked if she can justify you sleeping around with a mental illness she unprofessionally diagnosed you with.

by Anonymous 88
on Mar. 10, 2013 at 6:42 PM

2 moms liked this

It's hard to believe bc it's bs. You don't suddenly become bipolar out of the blue. And being bipolar, having manic episodes does NOT cause you to start sleeping around. Period.

Quoting zianneaaliyah:

I'm not an expert on being bipolar, but I would assume she would have experienced more episodes throughout her life/marriage way before this incident. This story is hard for me to believe.

Quoting Anonymous:

Erm, I've dealt with bipolar and manic depression since a teen. That is NOT an excuse to go spread your legs. Bipolar can not be blamed for being a whore. And it is impossible to diagnose through an email and one therapy session. Your "therapist" needs her license revoked if she can justify you sleeping around with a mental illness she unprofessionally diagnosed you with.

by Anonymous 90
on Mar. 10, 2013 at 6:47 PM

Give me a break
You want excitement in your life find that with your husband not another man it makes ya skanky

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
on Mar. 10, 2013 at 7:34 PM

Looking through my past, I've had other manic episodes, I just didn't know that's what they were. Bipolar 2 is a very mild form and to my understanding can go a very long time being misdiagnosed. Depression for me and more predominant over the mania. I've seen my therapist before. I saw her for almost 2 yrs, thought I was better then stopped. I was on anti depressants (which can actually trigger a manic episode) and became overly confident, very sexual and felt invincible. That's completely out of character for me in general, despite other manic episodes I had a couple yrs back. I'm not trying to excuse my behavior. I've stated a couple times now that I take full responsibility for the choices I've made. I'm only expressing that having Bipolar 2 now explains WHY I've made the choices I've made.

Quoting Anonymous:

It's hard to believe bc it's bs. You don't suddenly become bipolar out of the blue. And being bipolar, having manic episodes does NOT cause you to start sleeping around. Period.

Quoting zianneaaliyah:

I'm not an expert on being bipolar, but I would assume she would have experienced more episodes throughout her life/marriage way before this incident. This story is hard for me to believe.

Quoting Anonymous:

Erm, I've dealt with bipolar and manic depression since a teen. That is NOT an excuse to go spread your legs. Bipolar can not be blamed for being a whore. And it is impossible to diagnose through an email and one therapy session. Your "therapist" needs her license revoked if she can justify you sleeping around with a mental illness she unprofessionally diagnosed you with.

Send me email updates about messages I've received on the site and the latest news from The CafeMom Team.
By signing up, you certify that you are female and accept the Terms of Service and have read the
Privacy Policy.