Deflated

A new decorating fad struck lawns in Lincoln Heights this year: giant inflatable figurines! Those big blowup Snowmen and Santas (must have accessories for those that need to own everything) are kept alive by electric pumps that blow air. But in some perplexing statement against conformity, many of the owners of these figurines decided to do it their own way: they refused to fill them with air. Was it a critique of the hollowness of the holidays? Or are they just being contrarians? Whatever the case, I salute their mass act of micro-resistance!

Click ahead for the tour!

There were many examples of these decorative deflations, but this one takes the prize for the loneliest.

These folks had two, one of them is the type with that fake styrofoam snow. Looks better like this.

Some people use their decorations the “normal” way but that’s just so boring and cliche. And it’s a waste of electricity. Melt already Mr. Snowjob!

Now that’s more like it. They strung this one up a little so you don’t hurt your brain trying to decipher the character.

Oh please, an easy to see wooden decoration that needs no electricity? That’s so a few years ago. Where’s the nuance and magic of suggestion? What about the added complexity we all enjoy? You’re too simple wooden santa, best you be going.

Looks like 3 of them over in the back, how cute!

And the best one of the bunch, the reason for the season: the Crucifixion of Santa! Makes as much sense as those other fairytales.

Which reminds me, I need to start writing down The Gospel of Santa, it’s coming to me in visions. Give it a few hundred years and my divine revelations of the aboliton of work and free homebrew beer for all might attract some followers. You heard it here first!