Late-Night Laughs

Enjoy some good one-liners and bits from your favorite late-night comedians.

It's a Matter of National Security

Sep 09, 2013

"The Secret Service is asking people on Twitter to report any suspicious tweets. So now if your boss catches you on Twitter, just tell him you're protecting the country." –Conan O'Brien

"The makers of drones want the media to stop calling their unmanned aircrafts 'drones.' They don't like the name drones. The manufacturers said, we prefer the term 'surprise visitor.'" –Conan O'Brien

"U.S. embassies are closed all around the Middle East this week due to a terrorist threat. What happened was the U.S. intercepted a conference call of 20 Al Qaeda operatives. Twenty on one conference call! Who is their carrier? I go under a bridge and my cellphone drops the call, but they can get 20 people in one call from a cave?" –Jay Leno

"I guess you all heard about this terrorist threat the president warned us about. One of the reasons Al Qaeda is upset with the United States is because we are giving aid to Yemen. We didn't have a choice. When life hands you Yemen, you give them Yemen aid." –Jay Leno