LOOKING FOR LOVE IS SIMILAR TO LOOKING FOR THE IDEAL JOB

Never ever compromise. People settle for people who make them miserable in the long run because they become impatient, or because there’s a fiery passion at first. But passion fades. Trust me your stomach wont tie in knots forever. Don’t look for someone who makes you blush, find someone who empowers you, and helps you grow and respects your process. A partner. And hey if they make you blush and tingle inside, that’s a good plus to have.

— Diana Ozoria

Take a journal, online, physical, whatever, go to a clean page and make a list of every single thing you want in an ideal partner.

Order it by most important. The must haves, and the would be nice to have. Make a column for characteristics you find important, another one for the way you’d like for them to treat you, and one for aesthetic preferences (these are nice to haves). Whenever someone tries pulling up in your life, go back to y…our list and check it. If they don’t meet your must haves, don’t waste your time. Like cool, they’re cute, but are they kind? Do they read? Are they philanthropic? Do their social, political, cultural, philosophical and religious views align with yours? If not, do they respect yours? What’s important to you and do they meet it? If not, don’t waste your time. Never ever compromise. People settle for people who make them miserable in the long run because they become impatient, or because there’s a fiery passion at first. But passion fades. Trust me your stomach wont tie in knots forever. Don’t look for someone who makes you blush, find someone who empowers you, and helps you grow and respects your process. A partner. And hey if they make you blush and tingle inside, that’s a good plus to have. And don’t let the loneliness get to you. Work on elevating yourself in the meantime. The higher you become, the higher quality people you attract.

If you apply to a job, no hiring manager will ever hire you if you don’t meet the minimum qualifications, because you won’t be able to do the job. And if they were you hire you, you’d require intense training, and that’s a risky long term investment. So why not set standards for the person you want to build a life with? Because if that’s not your goal, then why are you in a committed relationship? Why then settle for anything less than your ideal? No one is perfect, don’t get me wrong, but you can’t compromise on the things that are fundamental to you because I promise you, you’ll be miserable. Find someone who will compliment your growth, not someone you’ll have to fight every step of the way with, even if they look pretty to hold. That’s what I call a distraction, and ain’t nobody got time for those. Not when you’re trying to build an empire.

“You must understand that love never keeps a man from pursuing his Personal Legend. If he abandons that pursuit, it’s because it wasn’t true love…the love that speaks the Language of the World.”

—

Diana Ozoria began writing short stories and poetry at the age of twelve as a cathartic outlet. She is now twenty three years old, and has found her voice and her peace as a brown feminist who is unapologetically comfortable in her own skin. Born to immigrant Dominican parents, Diana was raised in the hyphenated limbo space that lies between the other and the “American,” ni de aqui, ni de allá, never belonging here nor there. As the oldest in a family of five living under the poverty line, moving from one relative’s basement to another’s empty bedroom, privacy was impossible growing up. She escaped into the realms offered to her by books, and created her own reality in her writing. There, no borders, no limits, no ceilings existed. She saw a door in every character she befriended. She was her own heroine in every story she wrote. Her inspiration sprouts from love, trauma, culture, sociopolitical ideals, the intersections between gender and race, and the relentless human struggle to define our identity and purpose. Twitter: @papercutblisss

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2 thoughts on “LOOKING FOR LOVE IS SIMILAR TO LOOKING FOR THE IDEAL JOB”

Sometimes you have to compromise on the must-haves. And you’re happier for it. Some of my must-haves included similar interests, music tastes, political interests, and religion. We’ve been married 14 years. Our interests are so divergent as to be laughable, but we don’t get in each other’s way, and we even tolerate the others interests. Musically, he’s the opposite of me again. He’s heavy metal and Irish drinking songs; I’m folk, country, and old school rock and roll. Politics: he has similar views to me, but didn’t know it until I got irritated and made him tell me his beliefs on every subject (he didn’t know anything about politics and didn’t care). Religion? The only similar thing we have there is that we aren’t religious despite being raised in two diff religions. But we’re happy. That’s what matters

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THE PAINT IN CHURCHES GETS WORN AWAY QUICKER THAN IN OTHER BUILDINGS. I THINK IT’S THE FRICTION OF THE SOULS. THEY GRIND THEMSELVES AGAINST THE CEILINGS AND WALLS.

IF I COULD REACH FOR SOMETHING BRILLIANT, THAT WOULD BE THE HOME WHICH BEEN DENIED TO ME AND THE PRESENCE OF THE PEACE I'VE NEVER KNOWN...

Why I write

I write to exorcise some ghosts (there are plenty) to make peace with my past, to keep sane, to let skeletons out the closet and occasionally let them dance naked, to vent. I write because I don’t know any better.

Healology

“Growing up, I always had a soldier mentality. As a kid I wanted to be a soldier, a fighter pilot, a covert agent, professions that require a great deal of bravery and risk and putting oneself in grave danger in order to complete the mission. Even though I did not become all those things, and unless my predisposition, in its youngest years, already had me leaning towards them, the interest that was there still shaped my philosophies. To this day I honor risk and sacrifice for the good of others – my views on life and love are heavily influenced by this.”

― Criss Jami

Musing

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

“I have this strange feeling that I’m not myself anymore. It’s hard to put into words, but I guess it’s like I was fast asleep, and someone came, disassembled me, and hurriedly put me back together again. That sort of feeling.”

- Haruki Murakami

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeoning of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.

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Introversion

“...I also believe that introversion is my greatest strength. I have such a strong inner life that I’m never bored and only occasionally lonely. No matter what mayhem is happening around me, I know I can always turn inward.”

what i’ve been doing…

We were born to be free, to expand our horizons by going where we have never gone before, and not to hang out in the relative comfort and safety of the nest, the known. There is a place within us that is courageous beyond our human understanding; it yearns to explore beyond the boundaries of our daily life.

- Dennis Merritt Jones

Once I had started my solitude, I realized anew that it was easy for me to become accustomed to this state and that the most effortless existence for me was in fact in one in which I was not obliged to speak to anyone. My fretful attitude to life left me. Each dead day had its charm.

- Yukio Mishima

It well may be,
That we will never meet again,
In this lifetime.
So let me say before we part,
So much of me,
Is made of what I learned from you.
You’ll be with me,
Like a handprint on my heart.
And now whatever way our stories end,
I know you have re-written mine,
By being part of my life…

I'm Michelle. This is my blog. I write about women and fatness, expound upon semi-coherent thoughts I have in the middle of the night, and offer tough love to those in whom I am disappointed; they are legion.