Are we the meat in a goofy sandwich?

Don’t look now, but the U.S. is surrounded. Mexico went goofy in 2010, and Canada went even goofier.

This is serious. These are our closest neighbors to the north and south, but don’t ask me which is which. I guess I need a map.

Faced with a drug war that has killed 30,000 people, the Mexican government took decisive action, with an advertising and public relations campaign to improve their image. I’m not making this up.

My blog tried to help them out by offering possible advertising slogans such as “Follow the gunfire to Acapulco!” and “Mexico, the land of no sudden moves,” butI never even got a gracias note from them.

And Mexico was the place where the president of the Ford subsidiary said their Lobo pickup trucks are so popular with drug cartel hitmen that regular people are now afraid to drive them and risk being mistaken for criminals.

This was also the country where we reported 280 crocodiles had escaped from a refuge after heavy flooding and were roaming coastal areas. Residents were told not to try to capture or kill them. Hey, thanks for the advice.

Canada also approved its first pay TV porn channel, but said at least 20 percent of its content had to be homegrown porn. Presumably with steamy scenes involving lumberjacks, maple syrup and hot chicks in flannel lingerie.

Meanwhile, “The Beaver,” a respected Canadian history magazine, changed its name to get away from an unfortunate sexual connotation, and the nation toyed with changing the words of its own national anthem to make it gender-neutral.

And don’t forget Montreal, where a frenzied mob celebrating a hockey victory went berserk and inexplicably looted a shoe store.

My fellow Americans, I fear we are now the filling in a great goofy sandwich. It’s just a damned good thing our borders are secure.

Are the borders REALLY secure, BG? You allowed the White Hat conspiracy to creep in… who knows what goofy lurks in the swamps of New Orleans, or the snowy hills of Alaska.. apart from Sarah Palin up there of course….