Thursday, August 16, 2012

I'm not sure that anyone would describe me as a particularly ambitious person. I have a death-fear of disappointment so I tend to keep my goals and expectations low. I am exceptionally good at meeting the status-quo. Sure, I have a few broad life goals - fall in love, get married, have a few babies - but those are things I don't have much control over. I can't necessarily make them happen in a set time frame.

Last week after she rattled off a short-list of things she wants to do in the next couple of years, Jordan asked me, "Bekah, is there anything that you want to do?" I had to answer honestly. I've never thought about it. So I started to. And once I put some things on paper I realized that the things I want to do are not far out of my reach. The only thing standing in my way is me.

This song by Bronze Radio Return came on while I was doing my dreaming. I love these lyrics.

...The crowd stands stillNo one's moving they'd just rather stand and wait untilSomeone starts to moveSomeone starts to moveShake, Shake, ShakeIt's all what you make of it, take what you willYou know, know, know your only mistakeIs if you stand stillSo Shake, Shake, Shake,It's all what you make of it, break it until You know, know, know your only mistake Is if you stand stillIt's only up to youIt's only up to you
Am I the only one who relates to that? It feels like I've been waiting for someone else to make the first move with my life! I'm a capable leader. But I prefer to follow. Forging my way ahead, alone scares the bejeezies out of me. I want to be brave. I want to change. So I will not stand still.
I wrote out a list of 30 things I want to do before I'm 30 years old. Some of them are things I've always wanted to do, and some of them made the list simply because I'm scared to do them.I know that following those conquered fears will be dozens of mini-epiphanies. But I want to share my list here so I'll have some accountable - if only to myself - for actually doing it.

Sing in public

Own a pair of Tevas

Live debt-free

Take a photography or Photoshop class

Visit Washington DC and see the Presidential Monuments and Holocaust Museum

My Hope

I've grown up on the levees of the Mississippi River and it has wound its way into my heart. I know that the Holy Spirit is the same no matter where in the world you are. One of the greatest joys in my life is finding Him in strangers - It's like the biggest game of "Hide-and-Seek" you didn't even know you were playing. I am an NPR nerd. In my opinion, the only volume for music is LOUD. My hearts desperate desire is to see God glorified through my life.