Long Time No See

October 17, 2017

This is the longest I have been away from my blog, and for good reason too. I may have mentioned once or twice that as ridiculous as it is for someone who writes personal stories, I am a very private person. Someone once likened me to a “Touch-Me-Not” flower that first closes off when you try to touch it. Except that there are no guarantees about who I open up to.

A lot happened in the last year that I will share, so this might be a long read. I took time off as I always do, to internalize everything, and really just settle into my new life.

I got married, which is perhaps one of the strangest, yet happiest things I have had to say this year. The last time I posted I was single, and only, as I used to see, exploring a strong lead. But God does work in mysterious ways. I wrote about it on my other blog, but I wasn’t sure I was ready to share here.

As usual, I will try to be a bit vague, but I truly hope you can piece everything together. Prior to my husband, my last real-a-tionship ended in March 2013 (I could tell you the exact date, but it would make me seem petty). About that time, my husband somehow came to be in the same space that I was. However, my emotional space, and personality, and his as well, ensured that we would not be friends until November 2015. The first time he asked me out on a date, I gave him my usual “booked for the month” run-around. There was my cousin’s wedding, and Night of Worship (which by the way you should try to attend) and Black Friday, all in November, so there was no way I was going on a date. Also, the year 2015 had been one of the most physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally challenging years for me. I made terrible decisions, had a nervous breakdown and lost my aunt. I also had to have to chest x-rays, as I just didn’t seem to get better. And so if you finally have peace after trying to hide from the voices in your head under your living room chair, you will do everything within your power to protect your space.

In any case, the Mr. seemed quite insistent on a date, and it was a safe place – church. So one Sunday, I followed him to church. Afterwards, he asked for a proper date and I obliged. Afterwards, I thought “not bad” but being careful of beginner’s luck, I chickened out again. I played this on-and-off game with him for about a year. One because I wasn’t sure, and two because I had sold myself so short all my life I wasn’t going to make another decision that I’d regret. But finally, God was doing a whole lot of work on me and I didn’t even have a clue.