Shots Misfired: 15 Diss Track Fails

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It seems like beef is back these days and the staff here couldn’t be happier about it. What’s better than our favorite rappers trading jabs and punchlines for our entertainment, and in the spirit of competition? It’s an exciting time. But, with more disses, of course, come more wack ones. It’s simple mathematics people. So with that said, sit back and enjoy XXL Presents...15 Hip Hop Diss Track Fails — XXL Staff

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As unbearable as it is to hear Drake talk tough on wax, Breezy might be just as insufferable. On the heels of their bottle tossing melee at an NYC nightclub, Chris Brown addressed the altercation on a predictable remix of Chief Keef’s “Don’t Like” saying “They throwin’ bottles, I’m throwin’ models just cause I give a bitch long pipe / I be singin’ he be singin’, so it’s on, fight.” Is that all ya got, Chris?

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Shyne "You're Welcome" (2012)

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Unlike other rap beefs, Shyne and Diddy’s volatile history is just that…history. When Shyne completed his 10-year prison sentence in 2009 for his role in the 1999 Club New York shooting, it still appeared as if he would never be able to see eye-to-eye with his former boss Diddy again. All that changed, however, when the former Bad Boy rap star reached a truce with Diddy back in March during Fashion Week in Paris. Although the truce and mere sight of Diddy and Shyne sitting side by side sent shockwaves through hip-hop, their truce was short-lived. That’s because, in August, Shyne released a diss song aimed at Diddy called, “You’re Welcome.” He would go on to tell hip-hop journalist Miss Info that he released the track because Diddy didn’t own up to his promises, which included helping him get back his US-Visa to return to the United States.

Benzino "Pull Your Skirt Up" (2003)

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Something about Eminem really rubbed Benzino the wrong way and so he released a string of diss tracks aimed at Shady, most notably “Pull Your Skirt Up,” where he made bizarre remarks about slapping Eminem’s mother and chalked his career up to “industry excitement.” He also didn’t win over his hometown of Boston with the record, saying fuck Larry Bird as a part of the diss. He also confessed “If you ask me, you really not that nice, you’re overrated.” The problem of course was that nobody had actually asked Benzino. Shady’s response, “Nail in the Coffin”, was about as disparaging as a diss record can be so Zino at least deserves credit for prompting it.

Jay-Z “Brooklyn High” (2006)

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Jay-Z’s “Brooookyln” ad-lib had nothing on Jimmy’s “Ballin” and for a Jay-Z diss track, “Brooklyn High” was a surprising let down. “We Fly High” was the biggest song of the year, making its way into NFL touchdown celebrations, and Jay’s version sounded more like a half-assed remix then a diss to be reckoned with.

Max B “Umma Do Me” (2008)

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Wavie Crockett’s several attempts at dissing the Dipset capo never materialized into anything substantial, though Max’s gripes were certainly justified. Jimmy allegedly screwed Max out of his publishing rights in exchange for bail money when Biggavelli caught a murder charge in 2006. Perhaps it was Max B favoring his signature melodic crooning instead of heavy handed punch lines that resulted in his string of less than impactful diss tracks. Whatever the reason, shots like “Where’s my paper? Bitch you owe me / Chrissy think I’m cute, she wants to blow me” missed their mark, regardless of how wavy they sounded.

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“Fuck Pusha T and anybody that love him / his head up his ass, I’ma have to head butt him”? That’s all Weezy? Though he didn’t name names, Pusha T’s “Exodus 23:1” appeared to take scathing shots at the Young Money camp. Wayne’s response seemed hardly a diss, and with the exception of a Pusha name-drop in the first bar, Wayne settled back into his bars of late, talking about Miami and Trukfit. Needless to say, Pusha didn’t feel the need to respond.

Canibus "The Ballad" (2009)

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Canibus unleashed a slew of records aimed at Eminem…when Em was undoubtedly the biggest rapper in the game. Even some of Canibus’ peers—see Ras Kass—said Canibus was a little too late with the records. It didn’t help Canibus’ cause that every time Em dissed him back, it did way more damage.

Common "Stay Schemin" (Remix) (2012)

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Drake laid down as flawless of a verse that an MC could spit on “Stay Schemin’,” Rick Ross’ anthem of a cut, which featured Drake and French Montana. On it, Drake fired subliminal shots toward Common to which the Chi-town rhyme slinger retorted with his own verse over the same instrumental. (The rumored friction between them was Serena Williams, the tennis superstar, who publicly dated Common, before being seen with Drake). On it, Com referred to Drizzy as “sweet,” a “bitch” and “Canada Dry.” It wasn’t as if the rhymes were lackluster. It’s more that nobody believed a true beef between these two. Rappers and even rap fans laughed it off for the most part. The two MCs would later squash their beef.

Canibus "J. Clone" (2011)

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In the mid-late 1990s, Canibus was easily one of the most feared and revered lyricists around in the rap game, being more than able to hold his own with the likes of peers such as Big Pun, DMX and Mos Def. But with all due respect, it’s been a long time since fans embraced Canibus as that same guy. Therefore coming out and dissing J. Cole, easily regarded as one rap’s best lyricists today, threw hip-hop for a loop. According to Canibus, he respected the way Cole shouted him out as a heavy influence in past interviews, but didn’t appreciate not featuring the grizzled veteran on a track together. “You said my name so much they think you’re being honest/It’s more than that, we could’ve recorded the track/You could give me a stack for a verse just like that,” ’Bus rhymed on “J. Clone.” Forreal, man? Come on, son! Nobody’s trying to hear that. Less than 48 hours removed from issuing the diss track, Canibus apologized.

Havoc "Separated" (2012)

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Mobb Deep had an album called, Hell on Earth, back in 1996. That’s exactly what it may have felt like to a Mobb Deep fan, when they learned of the dispute between Havoc and Prodigy back in April and then subsequently heard Hav’s “Separated (Real From The Fake)” this past August. On the track, Havoc mocked everything from P’s current fashion sense to his opinion that Prodigy is getting softer and more sentimental with his music’s content.

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Diggy Simmons "Fall Down" (2012)

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When Diggy released “What You Say to Me,” dissing J. Cole in April, he said it was to defend his sisters’ honor. Okay, that’s understood. What the diss track coincidentally arrived in the wheelhouse of Diggy also releasing his debut album, Unexpected Arrival, which only moved 21,000 units its first week. Fans could deem the diss track as a way for Diggy to generate much-needed buzz for his album. Although, Cole and Diggy later squashed their beef, they re-hashed it earlier this month, with Dig answering a Cole jab with another whole diss record, this one called, “Fall Down.”

J. Cole at Kendrick Lamar Concert (2011)

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Back in April, Diggy dissed J. Cole on “What You Say To Me,” alleging that he was defending his sisters’ honor. (Diggy alleged that Cole’s 2010 track “Purple Rain” made heinous insinuations about his sisters). Soon thereafter, the two squashed their beef and all was good…until Cole decided to re-open the verbal back and forth via a freestyle during Kendrick Lamar’s show. “Picture me hating on a young nigga with talent/Album flopped, but it’s cool/He caked out on his allowance,” Cole spit on stage in North Carolina earlier this month. That led to Diggy recording another diss track aimed at Cole in “Fall Down.” Cole, whose Cole World: The Sideline Story album, hit the No. 1 spot on the charts last year and who is the older out the two, should have just let this beef die when it started. He has a good thing going with his career and didn’t need to re-open their dispute. Please don’t respond to Diggy’s track. Enough’s enough.

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Standing on its own, “Supa Ugly” is a pretty cutting diss. However, in the greater context of the Jay-Z-Nas feud, it’s a fail, serving as a disappointing follow up to arguably the two greatest diss songs of all time, “The Takeover”, and”Ether.” Despite being a graphic and particularly vulgar account of Jay’s affair with the mother of Nas’ child, it didn’t match the impact of “Ether”, leading to the overriding opinion that Nas had won the historic battle.