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Sunday, April 29, 2012

You can tell a lot about people by noting which alonim (i.e. the weekly parsha sheets issued by a wide range of institutions and organizations and distributed every Shabbat in shuls across the country) they read.

For instance, seeing as how the Shiputzim family includes, inter alia, Anglo parents as well as Israeli teenagers, it should come as no surprise to hear that “Olam Katan” (literally, “A Small World”) and “Torah Tidbits” (put out by the OU’s Israel Center) are both very popular here in TRLEOOB*.

Thus, I was quite flattered when a number of readers observed that a recent humor piece (scroll down to Page 5) in “Olam Katan” about Israel’s national-religious world reminded them of this blog.

“It's like the kind of thing that you write, Imma...” one of the Shiputzim kids even said.

And on a somewhat related note, be sure to check out the extraordinary lead article (the article starts on Page 1 and continues on Pages 4-5) in this past Shabbat’s “Torah Tidbits”.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Warning: The following post may exceed the statute of limitations on post-Pesach wrap ups. Proceed at your own risk.

“I have a question which I suspect no one has ever asked the Rav before,” YZG began.

The Rav was skeptical. There isn’t much he hasn’t seen or heard.

“We’ll see,” he replied noncommittally but with a definite twinkle in his eye.

And so YZG explained.

For 14 years – i.e. since the last time Shvii Shel Pesach (the 7th day of Pesach) came out on a Friday {insert: requisite Torah Tidbits stats, which note that there won’t be such a long break for another 200 years or so} – we’d been planning that this year, we’d spend the last day of Pesach and Shabbat Parshat Shmini (aka Isru Chag) at our gebrochts-eating relatives.

You see, the Shiputzim daughters are all determined NOT to be one of those women who grow up not eating gebrochts and then refuse to serve it to their families - even if their husbands DO indulge in knaidlach, matzah brie, matzah farfel kugel, and so on.

But in order to avoid falling into this surprisingly common trap, the Shiputzim daughters need to taste the aforementioned soaked delicacies.

And so, for the sake of the Shiputzim daughters and their future husbands and kids (BA”H), we decided to go to our relatives for that Shabbat.

After all, when it comes to gebrochts, they’re the experts. In contrast, we’re mere amateurs, at best.

But a couple of weeks before Pesach, we suddenly realized that there might be a problem.

Because assuming that such a thing is possible, said relatives are even more fanatic about early Shabbat than we are.

Which meant that it would not yet be Tzait HaKochavim (loosely, nightfall) when we were going to be accepting Shabbat.

Was there any way, YZG asked, for us to have gebrochts at that Friday night meal?

The Rav smiled.

No, he certainly had NOT been asked that question before… :-)

However, be that as it may, he continued, we should wait until after Tzait to eat the gebrochts (although for this purpose, we could abide by a lenient opinion of Tzait).

Translation: We wouldn’t be able to have knaidlach with our soup, but if we stalled and sang a few extra zemirot, we could easily partake of the matzah farfel kugel that was set to appear during the main course.

For the record, our gracious hostess offered to switch the courses and serve the soup course AFTER the main course - thus allowing us to have the knaidlach, albeit at the price of the matzah farfel kugel.

We all agreed that the picky eaters among us (read: those who wouldn’t commit to eat both the knaidlach AND the kugel) had no say in the matter. In addition, the voting commissioner (that would be me) ruled that YZG couldn’t vote, because it’s his fault that we don’t eat gebrochts… :-)

With only a handful of eligible voters remaining, the decision was unanimous. Everyone opted for the kugel. (Their reasoning was that they’d all had knaidlach before – although admittedly not up to our hostess’s standards – but no one makes matzah farfel kugel when it isn’t Pesach. No, not even duringGebrochts Week…)

And, so, to make a long, boring story even longer and more boring, we had gebrochts, and all was right with the world.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering why we wasted our time on gebrochts when we could’ve been eating kitniyot </reason #2119 for making aliyah>, wonder no more.

Because on that Shabbat afternoon, we had some Doritos, and all would’ve been even more right with the world. Except that surprisingly, unlike dishes containing soaked matzah, salty corn-based snacks just don’t seem to lend themselves to long-winded, drawn-out posts…

Monday, April 16, 2012

Warning: The following post may exceed the recommended daily allowance for other people’s vacation pictures. Proceed at your own risk.

As longtime readers are aware, it wouldn’t be Chol Hamoed here in TRLEOOB (=the real life equivalent of our blog) without a trip to one of Israel’s beautiful national parks, and so, on the Wednesday of Chol Hamoed Pesach, we set out for Herodion.

The weather was windy yet clear, and we were thrilled to be joined by Guest Blogger Malke and her family.

Located just outside of Yerushalayim in eastern Gush Etzion, Herodion resembles a truncated cone and dominates the surrounding area. From the top, one can see the Dead Sea and even the mountains beyond.

Herodion was originally built by Herod as a sumptuous palace/fortress, and it boasted the absolute latest in Roman era mod. cons. and amenities - including cisterns, saunas, a theater, and a lavish swimming pool with an island in the middle.

Historians believe that out of all of Herod’s massive construction projects (e.g., renovating the Second Beit HaMikdash, Caesarea, etc.), Herodion was his favorite. After all, it was the only one he named after himself, and it was where he was buried. (The park’s requisite movie focuses on the hours leading up to Herod’s funeral. Apparently, the funeral’s organizers had the foresight to video the proceedings… :-))

Later, during the Great Revolt (66-70 CE -i.e. HaMered HaGadol, for the Hebraically-oriented among you), Herodion served as a base for the Jewish fighters, who were unimpressed by the luxury and added a beit knesset and several mikvaot instead.

Then, during the Bar Kochva Revolt (132-136 CE -i.e. Mered Bar Kochva, for the Hebraically-oriented among you), the fighters dug out a cleverly-engineered network of tunnels, which today’s visitors are allowed to explore.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Yes, that’s right! It means that it’s once again time for me to bore you to tears with our family vacation photos! Yay!

But for a change, this post won’t include any national park pictures (although I can’t promise that they won’t appear here on the blog later this week IY”H).

The thing was that yesterday’s warmer temperatures seemed to call for an indoor attraction, and Yerushalayim’s Israel Museum fit the bill.

Although it’s been nearly two years since the museum’s renovations were completed, we hadn’t been there since it reopened, and so when a Shiputzim daughter asked if we could go this week, YZG and I were happy to oblige.

Because not only is admission free for kids under 18 throughout chol hamoed, but the Israel Museum is somehow able to pull off that rarest of feats:

You see, it’s very interesting and has much to offer for visitors both young and old. (In particular, the Judaica collections, the interiors of the old shuls, the wedding gowns, and the Holyland model are some of the Shiputzim family’s favorite things to see.)

However – and here’s the amazing part – at the same time, like any museum, it, by definition, raises the KQ (the all-important Kvetching Quotient) to astronomical levels. And as I’ve noted elsewhere, there’s nothing that YZG and I enjoy more than some good, old-fashioned, adolescent grumbling… </sarcasm>

Sunday, April 8, 2012

The original idea was to bake some pesachdik (i.e. kashla”p, for the Hebraically-oriented among you) mandelbroit, using a recipe from here.

But unfortunately, that plan didn’t pass muster with TPTB (=the powers that be) – i.e. He Whose Fault It Is That We Don’t Eat Gebrochts (that would be YZG, for those of you who are just joining us now) – who felt that mixing matzah meal and apple sauce was too extreme, even according to our admittedly-lenient gebrochts standards.

And so, the Resident Ulpanistit and I took the aforementioned mandelbroit recipe and made so many additions, subtractions, and modifications, that the end result proved to be a different dessert entirely:

Bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes. Remove from oven, and use a knife to form a marble pattern (a lachocolate swirl blondies). If using cinnamon/sugar or brown sugar, sprinkle over swirled batter. Return pan to oven for an additional 30 minutes.

Friday, April 6, 2012

As you may recall, our pet goldfish answers to the no-frills yet functional name “Fish.”

Which is highly appropriate, considering that from the moment he first arrived here in TRLEOOB* over five years ago, he (by tacit agreement, it was decided that Fish is a “he”) has been living in what could charitably be called a no-frills yet functional aquarium – i.e. a cheap plastic container with jagged holes in the lid.

Yet lest you feel sorry for Fish and accuse us of animal cruelty, I should note that in spite of our best efforts and the benign neglect he has endured thanks to our tender, loving care, he actually seems to have thrived in his modest abode.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

You know what they say: One person’s trash is another person’s, um, blog fodder…

And since desperate times (read: the week before Pesach when even theOur Shiputzim General Theory of Pesach Cleaningdoesn’t really allow for too much blogging time) call for desperate measures (read: scouring one’s local email discussion group for material), here’s a partial list of the stuff that people in our community have tried to foist on their unsuspecting neighbors to generously give away for free over the past week:

Filo dough and fleishig kishke for cholent

Electric scooter and charger (the scooter isn’t charged)

Broken printer

Old vacuum cleaner (the on/off button doesn’t always work, and the machine is a “picky eater”)

Amcor refrigerator (needs to be fixed)

3 women’s hats (2 straw hats and one brown winter hat) and a number of Purim costumes (including Superman and Power Rangers)

New projector (still in original package) and a small TV (seems to work)

Boxwood display cabinet

Child’s desk

Infant car seat (the upholstery is torn)

Crystal washing machine (working condition) and a crib

Morphy Richards steam cleaner with all the parts (excellent condition); two keyboards; and two computer mice

Our Shiputzim

I started this blog as a way to document our home renovations, but B"H the work is basically finished. And so, this has developed into a typical slice-of-life blog - you know, the kind of blog that talks about our kids, food, and our lives here in Israel - albeit with an irrelevant and misleading name.

Please leave a comment or send an email to OurShiputzim at gmail dot com. The entire Our Shiputzim staff would love to hear from you!