Second Anniversary of Grace’s Passing

Two years ago, my wife of almost nineteen years took her
last, gasping breath and passed into the other world. She had succumbed to pancreatic cancer that
had spread into her liver. She had been
sick for almost nine months, but had been rather healthy for the previous forty-six
years. She had run marathons, hiked up
mountains, traveled the world and cooked many great meals before passing into
the next realm.

So is she really gone?

I don’t think so. As
long as people remember her and think of her, she is still alive in our
hearts. The movie Coco said that we don’t
really pass as long as someone on Earth still holds them in their heart.

This was Grace at her last Christmas being a clown.

I was in a deep meditative state last week and I felt Grace’s
presence. She was on my left side with her head resting peacefully on my chest. This is how we both loved to be. To rest in each other’s arms and feel each
other. We did this almost every morning
when we would say, “Every Morning!” to each other. If one of us got up early, the last one to
get up would call them back to bed with “Every Morning!” so that we would have
our affectionate moment together and wake up on a loving note.

Grace and I would take this to an extreme sometimes and call
out wildly for the other. We’d throw a
temper tantrum and kick our legs up and down and scream like a baby for the
other’s love. We always had fun doing
this and the other would always oblige by dropping whatever they were doing and
come back for the other.

These intimate moments are what I miss the most. I also miss traveling with her, having a great
meal, having a bottle of wine, going on a long hike in the mountains or an
urban hike to Franceschi Park. We did
many great things together and gave each other freedom to do our own things as
well.

After Grace laid by my side, I missed her and sat up and
cried. I knew that I didn’t have her
anymore, but I did have her family still.
I immediately thought of Grace’s niece Mei Lan who was with me the day
Grace passed. When I sat and watched
Grace who was completely still, I started sobbing. Mei Lan came and comforted
me. My love was gone, but I was still
here.

How does anyone deal with or comprehend a loss of someone so
close. There is no one answer. My heart physically hurt for months after her
passing. I read an article months later
that found how the hearts of people who lost someone are very vulnerable to
heart attacks and other heart problems.
I felt like damaged goods. The
loss was so profound that it took months before the hole in my heart began to
feel.

Eventually, I resumed some of my hobbies like travel and
bought an RV that was very similar to the one Grace and I had and lived in for
a year. The first place I took it was to
Faria Beach Park on the coast north of Ventura. I had never been there, but dreamed
of going there for many of the months when Grace was sick. It was my dream of paradise and I found
comfort there. I was going to take Grace
there, but we never got to fly back to America.
After the beach, I took the RV to the mountains. I was alone most of the time, but my sister,
brother and David and Mianne Sell did come and visit me there. I came to some level of peace by then and my
brother helped me move on by signing me up for Match.com. Nothing ever came of my search there, but I
did find Amy through my friend Phil.

Now Amy and I are traveling the world for a year. We are currently in the Sacred Valley of Peru
and have been to Columbia and will go to Chile.
Amy and I are very close and we are both very happy to have each
other. Our relationship is unique and we
both love to take photographs of new places and we are ready to pay the price
to get there. The price is not only
time, but the effort to go to remote places on long days on buses, taxis,
trains, planes and mostly our feet. I’m
trying to document my trips on my website www.skippstrips.com
and facebook. I hope you can follow
along and keep up.

Grace is still with me in my heart and in my thoughts. I know she inspired me to do more with my
life. I’m still here and moving on with
my life the best I can. I hope you do
the same and know that Grace would want that of you.

Love,

Scott

PS. My niece had a reading with a psychic last week, and
Grace was the first one who came to her.
The medium said Grace wanted us to know that she was fine and that she
wants me to be OK. Grace was happy that
I found Amy and that she sent me Amy to find happiness and joy. Grace was cooking something in a bowl and I think
it is appropriate since she was always cooking something up.