Sunday, 31 October 2010

When I thought about half term a few weeks ago, being at Channel 4, in the papers, on the TV and on the radio didn't particularly spring to mind and appear on my agenda, and I can safely say that this week has been the most mental week of my life.

Monday, 12pm - The press released was announced and I could finally tell people that I'd won! Well, that was the plan anyway. The flaw was that Hamley's has ZILCHO signal and therefore my fragile phone was completely useless , and I had to spend an hour amongst hundreds of hyper screaming children. That giant store is HELL I tell you, HELL. Although the lego Buzz Lightyear was very impressive and caused me to "Oooohhh" like the little aliens in Toy Story. Once we'd been released we fought for a table in Strada and I screamed and exploded inside at all the tweets and texts. I was in the Guardian. THE GUARDIAN. After consuming so much food that I actually thought exploding was imminent, we saw Sister Act ('MAZEBALLS), I lost my phone back, and got picked up in a posh car to be taken to Channel 4. OMGOMGOMG. We met lovely Amy who took us to the newsroom and introduced us to everyone, before going to the GREEN green room, getting my make up done, and being on the news live with Jon Snow. No biggie.

Tuesday - I faced my laptop and 50 emails *smugface*. Okay well most were from Facebook but DON'T RUIN MY FUN. I was well into the 1,000 followers on Twitter (er, WOW), was answering phone calls all morning, answering emails and had to write my first blog for the C4 website. I didn't even get that stressed during my GCSEs. Thankfully friends were on hand to whisk me away to Costa where we gossiped for 4 hours and ate a lot. Such is the life of a teen.

Wednesday - Up at 6am *6amface* to be interview on BBC Essex, who were LAVERLY. Home at 8.30am to nom on shaushage and onion sandwiches and be confused about my daily routine *wasupat6amface*. Another blog on the website before I was :Oing and HXGWTRVBMGXKTUBing at Paranormal Activity 2 with my bezzie. Babies + dogs + demons = !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Oh and I got a response from a Government minister about my Uni fees blog, which I was very thankful for and understood the points he made even though my point still stands that we still have to pay back all that money even if it is in the future, and with jobs hard to obtain and other prices rising such a transport it's going to make life difficult for us teens. *cough*

Thursday - I spent the whole day at Channel 4!!! Writing for their website, having a go at presenting, going on an interview with Alice Cooper, sitting in the gallery and general pottering about. T'was amazing and everyone there is REALLY lovely. And they knew me, they all knew who I was. Er, OMG. The best bit was sitting in the gallery while the 7pm show was going out. So much stuff goes on with timings and interviews and different cameras and links and changing stories last minute. The atmosphere is tense and I've got tons of respect for that lot cos I would just freak out and run away at the first sign of things going iffy. And Jon and Krishnan were cracking the jokes in between features, I feel you should know this.

Friday - My first free day and I grabbed it with both hands and did NOTHING. Apart from try and fail to get Take That tickets for 7 hours. Tsk.

Saturday - I planned on doing school work, but I obviously didn't get any of it done. Mum's fault. She wanted me to go to Brentwood with her shopping. Ahem. Then I dressed up as a geek, no effort needed there then, and went to Kiera's party to get abused the whole night about my knitting (oh HA HA HA HA HA) and listen to PhoneShop quotes for 4 hours courtesy of Rob. There you go Rob I mentioned you so if you scare me at the Halloween walk tonight I'll have no choice but to punch you in the face, okay?

Sunday - Today. Last day before back to school. How marvellous. *stares at messy room and unfinished essays* Sigh.

Apart from all the amazingness within the surreal events that I've had thrust upon me this week, I've learnt so much as well. The main thing I've learnt is that journalism isn't as easy as I once thought. I've spent a full day in a newsroom where they work bloody hard preparing for the night's programme and there's a hell of a lot of pressure on them to get it right. Of course, yes, it's fine when you can write when you want and about whatever the hell you like, but when you have to write every day of the week about a subject you might not know a lot about, it's tough!

It's even tougher, with a tad of emotion in the mix, when your writing is being displayed to the world on a mainstream news website. It's all lovey dovey when you're just writing on a personal blog to readers who already like your work, but I got a smack of reality this week when I mistakenly read the comments. Some people can be vicious. But you win some you lose some. Not everyone's gonna agree with you or laugh at what you've written.

But I've learnt something about all this that I never even realised before. I've had emails from strangers telling me that I've inspired them to do something. Me. A normal 17 year old with a random blog. Teenagers have started their own blogs because of me and that is cheesily one of the best feelings in the world, knowing that you've inspired others. Yes, you may gag at me now. It just proves that ANYONE can change someone's life, you don't have to have done something brilliant or be famous, you can be an average person. Like me. I'm no one special. Just a moody weird rambling teenager. Sorry to disappoint. X

Tuesday, 26 October 2010

I should probably start from the beginning, Friday 22nd October 2010...

I had a free period (ooohh yeeaahhh) and was obviously on my phone on Twitter constantly, checking emails and the occasional glance at Facebook catching up with some school work, obviously, when I thought I'd give my very hard working brain (lols) a break and check my emails which I don't often do, obviously.

Inbox (1)Lawson, AmyRE: Young Blogger 2010

Ha. Hahaha. Haha. OMFG LOAD YOU CRAPPY PHONE!!! went my brain. The email said I'd been shortlisted for the award. Fandabbidosi! I thought Being shortlisted ain't bad. Amy said she'd ring me at 4.30pm so I carried on, ahem, WORKING, and forgot all about it...

"Hello?""Is that Louise Jones?""Yes, it is...""It's Jon Snow here..."

Er, what?

"Congratulations, you're Channel 4's Young Blogger 2010!"

UXGRMKVXMKINV,LUBXNIB,INXTRGKIT.

After a nice conversation with the lovely Jon, I casually walked back into the living room saying "Oh it was just Jon. I won. No biggie." OH WHO AM I KIDDING. I FREAKED OUT. I think my head actually touched the ceiling at one point. The awful thing was, I couldn't tell anyone. No Facebooking. No texting. No blogging. AND NO TWEETING. I know right. I can hear your gasps from here. No tweeting is like the worst punishment you could give me. Alas, I managed it. I went the whole weekend without leaking a word and even went shopping with my best friends without saying ANYTHING. Innit. The press release would be on Monday, Amy said, so after 12pm I could tell everyone. Oh, and I was going to be on the news as well. Live. On the real news. The national news. Haha. Oh my life.

Monday came around pretty quickly and off myself, Mum and Matt popped to London. First to Hamleys, then to Strada (nom), then to the Palladium to see Sister Act (which was abloodymazing might I add). During all these funtimes, the press release went out, Channel 4 announced my win, and the Guardian went live with their own article. Then I started getting texts. And calls. And emails. And Facebook posts. And tweets and OMG I COULDN'T KEEP UP. It hadn't sunk in yet. At all.

A car picked us up from outside the Palladium and took us straight to the studios. It was HUGE. Mum: Ooh I've just seen someone I know!Me: No mum you don't KNOW him, you've just seen him on the tele.Mum: Well, yes, but still...This happened quite a lot.Amy gave us a tour of the newsroom and introduced me to lots of people. They knew who I was. They'd read my blogs. THEY KNEW WHO I WAS. I met Jon Snow (who is VERY tall to match his VERY lovely self) then was shown the studio and taken to the green room, which was ACTUALLY green. Blew my mind. Katie Razzall, who has to be one of the LOVELIEST people I've met, was in there getting her make up done, then Jon came in to get his done, then I got MY make up done. I've always wanted to get my make up done. I was taken into the studio, miked up (!), sat down opposite Jon, and then I was on the tele. The actual tele. Being interviewed. By Jon Snow. ON THE TELE. Then within 45mins I was back at Liverpool Street munching on a Milky Way. Priorities, right? X

Tuesday, 19 October 2010

Disclaimer: The following blog post contains no rants, no meaning, and no important issues. It is merely an update from a hormonal teen with 'destiny' written on her wrist. Apologises if this causes any discomfort.

The last time I did a proper I-don't-really-know-where-this-going-so-I'll-just-say-random-shit-and-hope-it-turns-out-alright blog post was back in June. I was in the middle of my GCSEs and genuinely thought my brain could fall out at any moment. 4 months ago that was. 1/3 of a year. Now I'm back sitting at my desk and staring at my screen as my fingers flutter across the keyboard attempting to create some form of sense.

GCSEs are well over now (2A*s, 9As, 1B if you were wondering, ahem) and now I've almost finished the first half term at Sixth Form. How times flies eh. Sixth Form took a little getting used to but it's not so bad now. I'm sure you couldn't give a toss would absolutely love me to say something vaguely humorous and interesting and are dreadfully eager to hear all about it, but I'd rather go on about the more exciting things happening in the life of Louise Jones. So I shall try to entertain you for the next few minutes...

Channel 4's Young Blogger 2010
This has taken over my life since the end of September. I found out about it through a link sent to me on Twitter, and I was full on :Oing and !!!!!!!ing when I read it. Jon Snow set up a competition to find the best young blogger between the ages of 16-24, and that night, after much backspacing, rewording, shaking, and squinty eyes checking for errorsing, I said a little prayer whilst clicking 'send'. My lucky bracelet hasn't come off since. I don't think I've ever wanted something so much in my life. Ever. EVEREVEREVER.

RJYHNGXCHRGsisteractKURXKMGKXIG"Look under your placemat Louise." *quizzical look, peers under mat, sees envelope, opens envelope, dies a little bit inside* "OMG NO WAY! WE'RE GOING?! WHEN DID YOU GET THESE?! WHOOPI GOLDBERG'S IN IT?! OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGILOVEYOUOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGI'LLDOTHEWASHINGUPNOWOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG"
Yes. Finally after 2 years of begging I'm going to see Sister Act in the West End next week! SCREAM!

Don't you just hate it when your parents walk in your room behind you and you get paranoid so have to switch tabs and pretend you're doing something proactive with your time?

Job Hunting
I've been rejected 3 times and no one's got back to me after handing in my CV to them. I refuse to believe this had anything to do with it. That is all.

Autumn
I LOVE October onwards. It means I can invest in a new coat, new boots, new woolly hats and the cosiest jumpers I can find. I much prefer this time of the year than the summer months. Everything just seems so much more cosy, and I really like it getting darker earlier (admittedly not so much the mornings being darker). Prettiness. Loveliness. Cosiness. Nessnessness.

Do I dare
I'm in a rebellious mood lately. I want more ear piercings and a tattoo. Don't tell mum.

Fears
I used to be scared of wrists. Yes really. I hated looking at them, touching them, talking about them. But suddenly now I'm fine with it. I even drew my future tattoos 'believe' and 'destiny' on them today without freaking out. Although I have discovered that my real fear in life are daddylonglegs, with their spidery limbs and wings and silently floaty ways. BE GONE.

Tuesday, 12 October 2010

Sup. How's it goin'? Good? Of course it is. Your children can afford to go to University.

I don't really understand politics, I admit. I don't understand how governments work, why we have to pay tax, and I also didn't understand why everyone hated you, David Cameron, becoming our new Prime Minister. Note 'didn't'. I totes get it now.

I remember hearing talks about Uni fees being scrapped altogether. Thank God! I thought, maybe I could now go to Uni without having to worry about my family's financial situation after forking out thousands of pounds for me to have a life. Because, let's be honest, Uni is the main path for teenagers now, and if you don't go then you can't do anything. You have to stay at home before being finally allowed to work in a dead end job.

Now after this plan obviously faded into space, never to be heard of again, things got worse during and after the recession when more and more students began applying for Universities because they simply had no choice. No work was available so they only option was to carry on in education for the sake of their families. Fabulous, I thought, competition. Every year places are becoming harder and rarer to snatch and it isn't helped by the sheer volume of students getting higher exams results each year than their predecessors. We're naturally becoming smarter. Alas! The recession has ended and the country's financial state is getting better. We have a new Prime Minister so therefore different ideas and new initiatives. Yes? What do you mean? Really? You're raising the prices of Uni fees? Oh right, okay.

....

RAISING the prices of Uni fees? You don't think the pricing cap of £3,290 is high enough? My Grandad, bless his heart, is saving his money to pay for my University fees. There is no hope in hell that he will be able to afford over £12,000 for me. £12,000! For University! I'd like to point out at this point, Daveo, that we come after you in the little plan of life. You're meant to inspire us and overall make us like you. Do you think we're gonna take to this news lightly? Oh what's another £9,000 on top of everything else we have to flash our minimal cash for, eh.

Now do enlighten me, Mr Camz, what do you exactly expect us to do if we don't have the money for University? If we can't get a job because we have no qualifications and we can't get into Uni because we have no money, what do we do? You encourage having dreams and life goals, but how are we meant to fulfil them? Are only the rich allowed to be successful now? Now I don't know if you've thought about this, but what you're doing seems a tad discriminating. You're leaving the working class families to just do what we can in life, and leaving 'you're type' to lead a fabulously dandy future. Talent is going to be WASTED because of you. There are going to be thousands of students left out, and those who have admirable determination to fork out the money are going to be left in huge debt and no doubt by the end of their course will have to wait years before it will seem worth it.

Wednesday, 6 October 2010

Imagine being in a state of mind where you believe that you don't deserve to be on this planet. Imagine waking up every day to a life of hatred. Imagine being bullied and forced to think that you're a sick form of the human kind. Imagine all of this happening to you because you're...well...you.

The 'It Gets Better' project has been started to help and give loving advice to all gay teenagers with an overall message that life DOES get better. There has been story after story recently about teenagers committing suicide because of all the nasty vicious bullying they endure every day for just being who they are. The main story is of Tyler Clementi who jumped to his death from a New York bridge after his 'friend' filmed him having gay sex and broadcasted it live for everyone to see. This devastatingly sickening story was the kick start for a number of gay adults, including celebrities, uploading videos to give advice. "Hearing about these kids that have committed suicide, the reaction as a gay adult is always, 'God,I wish I could have talked to them for fifteen minutes or five minutes and told them it gets better.'" said Dan Savage, campaigner for the 'It Gets Better' project.

But why is this happening? Just because some are different from others people think it's acceptable to hurl abuse at them? Call them names and make their lives a misery because they're brave enough to stand up and say "Yeah. I am gay. And what?"? People are KILLING THEMSELVES because they honestly think that they're life is not worth living. And these people need to realise that deleting yourself from your family, your friends and your future is NOT going to make things better.

I'm well known on twitter for my shit 'gaydar'. If I had a pound for every time someone said "OH LOUISE!" to me I'd be rich. But do you know what? I'm GLAD that I have a shit gaydar. Because I can't tell the difference between gay and straight people. Because there IS no difference! There's as much difference with me liking Storm from X Factor and others hating him as there is with gay's liking the same sex. It's a preference. Nothing else. Last week I found out that Simon Amstell was gay. I love Simon Amstell! Has it made me think any less of him? Course it bloody hasn't.

My friend Tom is gay and he, like many others, had a really bad time dealing with the aftermath of coming out. This is his story...

"I'd always known I was gay. Most people say to me 'How can you know you're gay when you're a child?' but you just know. I was attracted to boys not girls. It was quite easy dealing with it until about the age of 11/12, but then I started to 'grow'. Then it got hard. I couldn't just mask over the fact I was gay, I had no choice but to act, you know, camp! It was natural. And I kept trying to convince myself that it was okay to be myself. I told my best friend Jenny when I was 13, in Year 9. At first I kept joking about it, saying 'Hey I'm gay...kidding!' but then after a while I plucked up to courage to say 'I'm really not kidding, I am.' and whilst preparing myself to maybe lose my best friend out of embarrassment, I learned that she was totally fine with it. So after a while I gradually started telling more people and it got quite easy to come out. When I told my family a year later they understood and were fine too, which was such a weight off my shoulders as I seriously thought they would disown me. But my mum even told me that she already knew years ago! My dad didn't take it that well at first. He was upset that I wouldn't have kids but after some explaining that I do actually want kids of my own somehow, he started to accept it.

Being gay makes life a whole lot worse. But after you've been taking the hate for a few years, you learn to live with all the shit and build a barrier against it. People say all the pink hair, brightly coloured nails and make up is just for attention, but it just feels right and I feel so much more confident with it. I just wish people would realise that being gay isn't a choice. Because if it was, why would I choose a life of horrible remarks and violence for myself?

I tried to commit suicide more than once. I have slash marks on my arms and there didn't use to be a day go by where I didn't think of other ways to just stop the hate. If people hated me that much, then surely it would make everyone's lives better if I just went? But that's just not the case AT ALL. Everyone was put on this Earth for a purpose, you never know what's around the corner for you, and how are you ever going to find out what was meant for you if you end it? At the age of 16 my depression receded and I finally started to fully accept myself for who I am, and others did too. I realised that there would always be some people who would hate it but it started to dawn on people that it was fine for people to be gay.

The best advice I could give anyone going through shit for being gay is to just be yourself. Don't worry about it. People will always shout and call you names but you inside you just know that it feels right. I have so much fun and happiness in my life now that you can't see being gay as a curse, but as a gift. Don't listen to all the crap. Rise above it and always remember that you are YOU. Not them. And if they don't like it then they can do one. Don't hide the fact that you're gay. Find a friend to talk with about it, or even a gay friend that you can really share your feelings with. It's always nice to chat and open up, it makes you feel so much better. Because it does get better."

Tom is the one of bravest people I know. I've seen the shit he's gone through with my own eyes, but seeing him accepted with tons of friends is amazing. Seeing him laughing and gossiping makes me feel like there's hope for everyone. It got better for him. So it will get better for you.

Monday, 4 October 2010

Let's go way back to 1996. We were both angels in the playschool nativity and my star broke. SOB CITY. Alas, before I had a chance to commence the lip wobbling and tear gathering, you turned around and thrust your star in to my hand. I believe that was the start of our friendship. It was written in the stars. STARS. Gettit? You gave me your star? Written in the stars? No? Alright...

There's been many a time where we've written down LOLories (memories?) that we've encountered together, and to be frank, love, I bloody can't be arsed to type them all out. Again. But I know that you don't care that I'm not gonna write them all out. That's what makes you an amazing friend. We don't NEED to do extravagant things to prove our friendship to each other. A hand made card and a BEST FRIEND mug would do.

I don't think there's been a time where we've argued about anything, and considering we're two completely different people that's quite an achievement. You and your maths and science shit (VOMIT) and me with my fancy pancy creative stuff. People say best friends are like sisters. Babe. We're more like distant cousins.

The last time I saw you was MY birthday. A month ago. That pretty much proves that you don't need to see each other every day to be bezzies. We went our separate school ways at 11 years old and do you know what? I'm glad we did. Cos if we were with each other every bloody day I reckon we'd have got bored to death by week two. Every Saturday, if that, is good enough for us. Dancing around making videos, laughing at fuck all, gossiping, munching on Chinese whilst watching Doctor Who. That's all I need from a best friend. A good old laugh and someone to share my geeky TV with. You're that person Clare Moreton.

Whenever I'm in trouble you're my first port of call. You're the only one I can tell literally anything to, and I hope that you think the same. I'd stay up all night to listen to anything you have to say. I'd run (walk fast, you know I don't run) to your house in my pyjamas at 3am if you needed me. I'd run in front of a car if you needed me. Well, that last one's a bit extreme. Waiting for the car to pass before walking across the road when the green man is showing will be more likely. Anyway. You get my drift.

One of the worst moments of my life was when I was in Canada at 1am, and you were here at 6am, having not slept, and you needed me. I couldn't do anything. I was under the covers with my itouch, fumbling on the bloody touchpad trying to help you. Just trying to get you to sleep. The one moment when you really needed me and I was half way round the world. I needed a Tardis.

Then there are the times where we know nothing about each other and never understand what's been going on when we catch up. But that's the good thing. We catch up. We spend hours talking about what we've got up to for the past month. And even then when you go on about science and doctors and chemicals I'm like "Well yes that sounds thrilling BUT YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT I'M DOING ON FRIDAY" and then you have to endure my rambling about TV shows and celebrities.

Looking back at what I've written, it sounds like I'm saying that we shouldn't be best friends. We're completely different people. We hardly ever see each other. We've contradicted the stereotype of best friends, and lover, I wouldn't have it any other way. You're abloodymazing you are. I want you to help me choose my wedding dress. I want you to see my first child on the day it's born. I want you to help me choose my first zimmer frame. I want you to be there for everything, just like I will be there for you. Basically, what I'm trying is, I WANT YOU.

Happy 17th you sexy beast you. I LUSH YA MORT.

Actually, I take that back, I didn't mean to say I lush ya, I haven't had my cream.