Aashiqui 2,3,4,5

Posted by
Shrikant Pednekar
on
Monday, September 09, 2013

Welcome to RADIO SHITTYYYY

Mumbai's No. 2 SHIT MUSIC RADIO

IT'S ROTTT!!!

Welcommmmmmmeeeee to hul-CUT, the show for movie fanatics, where we rant about recent and not so recent movies. This is RJ Shrikant. And today our sights are laid upon Ashiqui 2,3,4,5 - A romantic lovestory with a MESSAGE. A MESSAGE!! WHAT MESSAGE?? If I tell this to you right away, you will lose interest. And that is not a very nice thing to do. Especially for all you nice and not so nice, sane and not so very sane people inside out here. After all 2% on your 1000 Rs. is so very yummy just like the Masala Dosa from the grumpy neighbourhood dosa hawker who stares at you when you ask for extra chutney as if you asked for one of his kidneys (joke is stolen.. you guess from where!!)

So trying to Undigress from Interest to more Interesting things and trying to focus full energy on trying to take forth the story of this Love Story.

Opening scene,

Hero nowhere to be seen.

Now where has he been,

Naw definitely not to meet the queen...

He is just sitting down drinking chai,

watching life go by.

Letting out a really long sigh,

cuz all the pretty girls look at him and say bye bye...

Oopsie, its alcohol not chai!!! Rahul is a first class alcohol addict. Big deal!! Why can't the opening scene of the movie be Hero sitting down and boozing?? Because there are thousands of people waiting for him because he is a famous singer in the movie. By the name of Rahul (ohhh.. so common)

So finally he consents to faado his galaa on stage. But he is kinda bored of doing the same thing again and again and its beginning to put him to sleep. And he begins to sing...

Sun raha hai na tu,

So raha hoon mein.

Sun raha hai na tu,

Yun so raha hoon mein!!!

Yaaraaa... Yawn maaraaaaa..

Snorrrreeeeeeee

And he falls asleep resting his head on the guitar dreaming that he was singing in front of a huge crowd

I look at you and find its boring,

While my guitar silently sleeps.

I look everyone and find them snoring,

And still my guitar silently sleeps.

PACHHAAKK.. someone throws a tomato on his face to make him wake up. He gets pissed off and drives away in his car. And there, enter the heroine, Aarohi. Carrying a basket full of veggies. Being from a not so very well to do family, she cant afford to have eggs in all her baskets so she makes do with veggies in just one basket. No onions though, they were going through the roof.

And our hero singing...

Mein nikla gaddi leke,

Raste mein.. o sadak pe,

Ek mode aaaaya,

Mein sabzi tamatar phod aaaya!!

And narrowly misses the dame. Making her drop her basket of veggies with a PACHHAAKK. She makes him clean up the mess he's caused and storms off slightly angry while the hero goes back to his jeep to have another bout of sleep. But he is woken up by a melodious voice. In his sleep he has reached a sleepy town bar where our heroine is singing his songs. He sneaks in to the bar listening to her sing.

Manzilein sustaaen,

Sota hai raasta.

Aaye so jaaaye,

Itni si ilteja.

Ye meri jo aadat hai,

Nidra devi ki ibaadat hai... Haaan!!!

Sun raha hai na tu,

So rahi hoon mein.

Sun raha hai na tuuu,

Kyun so rahi hoon mein.

Yaaraaa!!!

He sneaks upon her and introduces himself and she is in seventh heaven. That she is being stalked by a waning music star who has a major drinking problem.

He offers her a break in the music industry. And she answers his call. Only to find him sleeping with his head resting on his guitar. She wakes him up and comes to know that he has been given the responsibility to train her for singing in the recording room. But his voice is kinda cracked. A bit too late for voice cracking or probably its too much of the booze that's causing it to re-crack so long after the Adolescent Hormonal blast had receded. But despite his cracked voice he goes on to train her.

Tu hi ye mujhko bata de,

Gaoon mein ya na!!!

Gaur se sunke bata de,

Gaoon mein ya na!!!

Itna bata doon tujhko,

Suron pe apne mujhko,

Yu toh nahi aitebaar.

Phir bhi ye socha dil ne,

Ab jo laga hoon jagne,

Poochoon tujhe ek baar.

Uljhan meri suljha de,

Gaoon mein ya na!!!

After a few hiccups she makes it large. Singing hit after hit. And at the same time, love hits. Pachhaakk!!

Kyun ki tum hi ho,

Ab tum hi ho,

Who can bear to look at me,

Ab tum hi ho!!!

Andhi bhi, beheri bhi,

Hence in love with me,

Ab tum hi ho!!!

But as in all movies and daily soaps - Kahani mein twist. People talk. Arre mooh diya hai toh talkenge hi na. That promoting Aarohi is just a pretext of making her indebted to him and then making her his servant. This hits Rahul real hard. Pachhaakk!!! Just like any tomato that had hit him during some of his not so nice hit concerts. Message for all you wannabes. If your music ain't hit, you will surely be hit. Pachhaakk!!!

And Rahul relapses into his alcoholic addiction.

Mein tujhe bhul jaaoon,

Yeh nahi ho sakta,

O Madeira!!!

Meri baaton mein tera zikar sadaa...

Mere saanson pe teri odour sadaa...

Mein ragon mein bhi toh tum hi to ho...

Mujhe tum se mila addiction naya...

Kyun mein piyu,

Haan mein piyu,

Whisky hi,

Ab mein piyu!!!

Rum bhi, meri scotch bhi,

Wine bhi,

Ab mein piyu!!!

Aarohi puts her budding career in jeopardy to rehabilitate him. She could have put him in rehab. This would have been really effective but then we would not have had this love story. So lets just assume that rehab centers were not discovered when this movie was shot. But whatever she did, Rahul was still very much in love with alcohol. Ohh!!! Did you people think that Rahul and Aarohi were in love? Yeah that they were, when Rahul could get his head out of his pitcher. People close to both of them keep on reminding Rahul about his dream to shuttle Aarohi into stardom.

Rahul makes yet another attempt to give up alcohol albeit a feeble one. And ends up in a drunken brawl with someone not so special and ends up in jail. Aarohi bails him out and decides to give up her career to rehab him once again. This time Rahul is kinda tired of getting rehabbed so makes some cock and bull story of joining the gym and all.

And bidding farewell, he jumps...

Jumps off the Vashi bridge in Mumbai...

Jumps off into deep sleep, singing...

I tried so hard

And got so far (and paid the toll)

But in the end

It doesn't even matter

I had to fall

To lose it all

But in the end

It doesn't even matter

Kyunki Pichurr Khatam,

Pop corn Hajam,

Ab ghar chale hum.

To sumarise, poor Rahul was doing ok with just himself and his alcohol. Everything got spoil when Aarohi landed up in his life. And he was obstinate enough to give up his life for the lady rather than give up his alcohol. That's the message in this love story. That was Aashiqui 2,3,4,5 - the movie with not 2, not 3, not 4 but 5 Pachhaaks.

Thats all tonight folks, you were listening to hul-CUTwith RJ Shrikant

Until next time keep listening to RADIO SHITTYYYY

Mumbai's No. 2 SHIT MUSIC RADIO

IT'S ROTTT!!!

PS: A lot of these songs are taken from the movie itself and a few verses from other music videos and movies. I might oblige and reveal the sources if you ask nicely enough. But the parodies are all mine!!

Shri ye kya movie ki spoiler hai???BTW, you must know, it's cheaper/easier to live on a egg meal than Shakaahari meAL... vegetables (not just onion)are bit out of hand now a days... I'm thriving on chicken/fish/egg too :(