The past 10 months have been some of the hardest of my life and have definitely kept me away from writing on this blog. Even when I could find the words, I didn’t have the time.

So while my methodical way of moving through life would like to start with the posts I wrote before Ember was born – how I was preparing my body for his birth, his sister for the transition from “only” to “big,’ and then after E arrived, his (awesome) birth story — we were hit hard with nursing issues, tongue and lip tie corrections, neurosurgery for craniosynostosis, monthly appointments for helmet therapy, bi-weekly physical and occupational therapy appointments — along with trying to figure out how to love and honor my daughter, Autumn, while stepping into my new role as a mother of two.

It was a catapulting and paralyzing time for me. I wanted everything to stop and yet it felt like I was being hurled through time and space at a break-neck pace. From mid-April to mid-May I cried nearly every day and wondered how long I’d be able to hold off true postpartum depression.

But Ember as reached double digits and we got to turn the page of the calendar to a new year a few days after, there’s been rest and processing, and an unquenchable thirst to return to this blog. My place where I chronicle my family’s stories and moments; where I mush together parts of my brain and heart and mold them into text.

I will write about all that I mentioned, but I think that will be best saved for spring during my recovery from spinal surgery (- yeah, throw a couple unfortunate recommendations for surgery in the past year as well).

For now, I’m taking a hop, skip, and a jump, past those months, telling my usual methods to hush for a bit, and writing this post on the day before my 28th birthday.

(It’s amazing what sleep and a few good podcasts can do. — Many other times I’m thinking: “what was I thinking?! This is too hard; I’m not good at this!”).

We’re considering another in-Austin move – but in case it doesn’t pan out, I’ve been trying to make our current situation as good as it can be, and enjoy our life as-is as much as I can.

× The past few days I’ve organized the garage, made comforting winter dishes, found the Mud Stories podcast and became inspired by other women who shared their hard stories and how they can see the ways God-breathed life and meaning into their sorrow, I also found Micha Boyett and I’m excited to read her book as the few things I’ve read from her so far really jive with the conclusions I’ve been coming to on an my evolving faith and a more progressive, mystic, Spirit-filled way of Christianity.

× I’ve really looked into Autumn’s eyes lately when she talks to me, and have made time for just the two of us amidst the “just you and me” and “no daddy, I want mommy to”s — as long as I don’t feel like I’m letting her down, I really relish meeting her needs in this way. It’s my love language and I know I’m giving her exactly what I longed for as a 4 year old. I get to feel like I’m breaking the cycle with each meeting of our eyes, touch of my hand, and minute spent on my lap. Last month I found a lot of freedom and insight through the book Nurture by Nature and I feel like it gave me the permission and grace I needed to step into parenting her in a way that’s better for her, despite the “shoulds” that kept me from doing so in the past.

× Ember’s personality continues to emerge and he’s as kissable as he ever was – and his breath smells so dang good! I’m sure it’s the hormone-maternal connectors inside me – they know what they’re doing. There are so many ways Baby-Ember stands in contrast to Baby-Autumn but now that I realized this is a personality thing, and not a what-am-i-doing-wrong thing, his vocalness has become pretty endearing to me. If the past few months are any indication, he’s going to be the extrovert of the family: getting us out of our home and into the bright, wide world. (read: he loves people and engaging with anything “new.” Whereas Autumn loved her mama and slow/quiet.)

× I cut Nathan’s hair a couple months ago and dared to do the top freehand – and it turned out well, but as it’s grown out, lately it’s pretty incredible. It’s hard to put into words how happy that style makes me. Between that, his sweetness, a reawakened interest in rollerblading, boyish grin, and the comfy winter fabrics the season calls for, he too has become oh-so-huggable. Diving deeper into the Ennegram along with finding answers to some of his questions regarding the Christian faith, (and rest in the uncertainty) as been so good for him. His light-hearted, playful nature is returning and it’s overflowing on to our family and in our relationship.

We speculated (*hoped*) that 10 months would be a corner-turner for our family. We value and recommend attachment parenting; we enjoy those coos and the gloriously plump thighs, but we really suck at the emotions, worry, and exhaustion of the baby year. 1, 2, 3, and 4 — we’ve increasingly enjoyed with Autumn. But with both her and Ember, … well, I guess we just don’t “infant” well.

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All of this together with really trying to dig into the moments and be present – sparked the joy that bubbled up into my comment to Nate this morning.

So when mid-morning brought the sound of ice and the warmth of fire to our tiny bit of Austin, it felt like the icing was being added to our cake.

And I felt deliriously happy taking it all in, realizing the smile appearing on my face was effortlessly growing.

Morgan (loves to) Reid

Post Script: I can’t close this blog without adding that the undercurrent under the waves and stillness of this past year has been God and me. I can’t really give voice to it yet as I’m still striving to re-engage with the questions/answers/perspectives/uncertain parts of my faith and relationship with Him. I was battling some significant decisions before Ember was born, so in a way, it’s been a year of feeling upended as I try to sort things out, gain a better perspective, and put it all back together again. I feel like there’s still a lot of engagement and reading that needs to occur, followed by even more time to process. Contemplation is such a good practice, and I’m not saying any of this is a bad thing, but I wanted to drop this note since the absence of it would be troublesome to me.

Upon waking I felt kinda low on energy and still kinda sick. So I decided I’d miss Co-op in favor of baby-ing myself and taking things easy with Autumn.

After breakfast I thought, “well, Maybe I’ll just pick up my office today – it’s not that bad.“

So I started doing that – even hung my 1st embroidery project up.

But then I needed to sort through Autumn’s books and weed out the toddler ones so I could get the “keepers” up on the kid shelves and off the floor.

Which made me think about Autumn’s “reading nook” under the table in the living room. “Man – the floor cushions would fit perfectly there. Maybe I can move Autumn’s pillow to an attractive place and make it inviting. . .“

The only real space is in the bedroom . . . let’s try that.

Had to move some stuff so I could move the bed and that led to

vacuuming: “this’ll be good for Nate’s breathing”

Oh, let me open a window for some sunlight and air

sorted the baby books on the nighttime table into a tote for E

Went to put the tote on the closet shelf and found the “baby toys” box in closet “oh yay!! That’s where I put them!“

Weeded out the toys that I didn’t want as much for friends/donating

Thought I’d do the same for Autumn’s current toys, weeded some more – which lead to . . .

Picking up and sorting her toy area with her.

Ok *deep breath* back to my office (which is currently where my bed is) and I found out why Autumn was so quiet all that time …took my bed sheets off and sprayed some stain remover on them hoping it’d take the highlighter blotches off beautifully colored lavender sheets.

Got a load of laundry going,

Then it was time for lunch. . .

… followed by “quiet time.” (read: trying to get Autumn to nap but being satisfied with just getting to lay down while attempting to teach her how to get still and quiet).

And then some dinner prep/discussing some pressing things with Nate while he ate his lunch . . .

Which reminded me, “hey where is your hatchet? There’s a fallen branch I want to make safer for play.“

So we rummaged through the garage for a bit but no hatchet.

Ooo, but I did spot x, y, and z!

So after getting Autumn’s attention her and I took her forgotten garden tools outside along with some blocks of wood, a small mallet, and some stainless steel bowls for a play kitchen set up with a small wooden work table her dad made for her a couple years ago.

Ahh, that looks great towards the back in the sunshine.Oh let me move the slide. . .Hey, my old clothesline – maybe I could rig this up for Autumn . . .

Oh and didn’t Amelia say something about littles hand-washing small fabrics for fun? Oh! And Kathleen at Becoming Peculiar talked about clothes hanging — I need a small tote or bucket… *lightbulb* Autumn’s water table!

Ack, What about mosquitoes?I’ll just have to remember to empty it every other day.Ok *back inside the house gathering* a little soap, some fabric napkins, *now outside* water in the watering can …. “Hey Autumn! Let’s wash some clothes!”“Ok and this is how you hang them, would you like to give it a try?”

More kitchen,more slide,ouch a mosquito!

Ok – time to make dinner anyway.

Made dinner including a different type of meat for Nathan (tougher cuts that require more chewing/jaw work) while also

separating bones from meat on a whole chicken for making broth.

Empathetically talking to Autumn about why she couldn’t were her fancy dresses right now.

Getting her some crayons and paper in an attempt for quiet.

Telling her multiple times that I would help her with her “amulet” in just a minute.

Getting Autumn’s food to the table (*ahh, quiet*)

Finishing off Nate’s

Texted Nate asking him how late he’d be getting off work because I was starting to putter out: “Need love and a second parent.”

Did an inversion before eating my food.Read Charlie Brown Christmas to Autumn.

Nate finished work and came out of his office – asked A if she’d like to go on a walk with him and look at the Christmas lights.

O bless him.

I made my way to my office thinking I’d read a blog and watch some Parenthood.

Finish reading said blog and look around thinking about how to implement what I read and ….

No chocolate, no candy, no hearts, cards, or fancy dinner, and yet, yesterday was my favorite Valentine’s Day ever.

While the day started with Nathan saying “Happy Valentine’s Day” to me (I think that may be a 1st. He’s not a “calendar” type of guy so I usually have to wait until he’s been on his iPad or something that connects him to the world for him to realize the day haha) – which made me really happy. But that’s about as VD as it got.

The morning started out usual and then I decided to start on our closet because Autumn had a rough night and I didn’t know when she’d be ready for a nap. Nate woke up and joined me happily (- “what? Nate was happy to clean and organize?” Yep, that’s what I said. It was awesome!) then we decided to tackle his office. We listened to the Grace Unplugged Soundtrack and Nate liked the music so much he agreed to watch it! (He’s not really into Christian films. He can’t stand horrible acting and predictable storylines). But he loved it! It’s seriously so good, you guys!

After Autumn woke up, we went for a family hike at the Barton Creek Greenbelt and headed out for Chipotle. It was awesome.

According to The Simple Things magazine (November 2014, UK), mostly people listen to music at 70 decibels, and the sound of a noisy office is around 80 — whereas the sound of a leaf falling is only 10, “there’s no wonder a lot of what’s around us goes unnoticed.”

So the other day, after pulling into a parking spot, before rushing into our apartment, I reclined my car seat back

Morgan Reid

I'm wife and mama learning how to love Jesus, and love on others the way He does.
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Into crunchy and natural living; mindful parenting; social justice; and environmental advocacy. I like anything domestic (decorating, fabric arts, etc), Monet's art work, photography, ASL, and having real connections with other humans. (:
Currently living in Austin, loving all the 'weird.' Counting gifts and enjoying God. ‡
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MBTI: xSFJ. Enneagram Type 6.