Unearthing and re-creating the "company food" of yesteryear! I'll cook it, my husband will eat it, and you'll rest easy in the knowledge that your next backyard party or church potluck will be a success!

Friday, March 21, 2014

Do you remember what you were doing on this day in 1971? Maybe enjoying guests Bernadette Peters and George Hamilton on The Ed Sullivan Show, or Burl Ives and Anne Murray on the Glen Campbell Good Time Hour. Maybe mourning Davey Jones' recent departure from The Monkees. Or reveling in America's domination of the space race, as evidenced by the recent moon landing of Apollo 14.

Of course, if you were Dr. Husband, you were busy being born, little knowing that you would grow up to be weekly served dishes that intentionally include ingredients that nature abhors.

For Dr. Husband's birthday, we have a cake of sorts - and, actually, Dr. Husband had to make it himself. I'm a whiz at Jell-O, but he's the baker in the family. And also part Canadian. So, here you go - Canadian Ketchup Cake!

"Ketchup in a cake?" you ask in astonishment. Created to celebrate Heinz's 100th Anniversary in Canada, "this show-stopping cake tastes as good as it looks. If you are a fan of carrot cake, you'll want to try this recipe."

Another missive from Heinz claims that this cake is akin to traditional Red Velvet Cake, a statement I must vehemently disagree with. My grandmother, Mrs. White, was a master of the Waldorf Astoria Red Cake, a recipe which she secured DIRECTLY FROM THE WALDORF ASTORIA HOTEL (she said) AT GREAT COST AND PERSONAL RISK TO HERSELF (she said) AND SHE WAS PRACTICALLY THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD THAT HAD IT (she said). Of course that was before the internet. At any rate, the ketchup cake is rather similar to carrot cake in taste and texture, but nothing at all like authentic red cake, which is moist and earthy and as dense as white dwarf star matter.

The recipe is as follows:2 cups flour2 tsp. baking powder1 1/2 tsp. cinnamon1 tsp. baking soda1/2 tsp. ground nutmeg1/2 tsp. ground ginger1/2 cup Heinz® Tomato Ketchup1/2 cup water1 Tbsp. red food coloring3/4 cup butter softened1 1/2 cups packed dark brown sugar2 eggs--- Frosting Ingredients ---6 oz. brick-style cream cheese, softened3/4 cup butter softened1 tsp. vanilla extract4 cups confectioner's sugarPreheat the oven to 350°F. Grease two 9-inch round cake pans and line the bottoms with parchment paper. Stir the flour with the baking powder, cinnamon, baking soda, nutmeg and ginger into a bowl. In a separate bowl, combine Ketchup, water, and red coloring. Set aside.In a large bowl using an electric mixer, beat the butter and then blend in the sugar until smooth. Beat in the eggs. Add the flour and Ketchup mixtures and beat on low, scraping down the bowl as needed, until combined. Increase the speed to medium-high and beat for 1 minute.Divide the batter evenly between the prepared pans. Bake for 30 minutes or until the center springs back when touched lightly. Cool the cakes for 15 minutes before turning onto a rack to cool completely.Frosting PreparationWith an electric mixer on medium speed, beat the cream cheese, butter, and vanilla for 2 minutes or until smooth. On low, gradually beat in the sugar, scraping the bowl as needed. Beat on high until fluffy.Frost between the cake layers and over the sides and top of the cake.

You'll deduce, of course, that Dr. Husband made cupcakes instead of a traditional layer cake, and I'm comfortable disclosing that he also used canned cream cheese frosting. But never mind that, I know you all only come here for the videos anyway:

Our Rating: It's cake. You know you're going to eat it anyway.

(all
dishes are rated from one to five Screaming Husbands. One Screaming
Husband equals a happy home where all problems are solved during
cocktail hour. Five Screaming Husbands signals the beginning of divorce
proceedings.)

Monday, March 17, 2014

As long-time followers will know, today's ingredients are very dear to my heart, as the very first recipe on the blog, Guess What Salad, involved corned beef and Jell-O. I was anxious to try something similar, now that my methodology is more precise, and my palate for gelatin-meat combinations much more refined.

Knowing that I wanted my dish to incorporate both corned beef AND cabbage, I went in search of a suitable recipe. The closest to what I had in mind was from Knox On-Camera Recipes (1960), the instructions to which are found below:

I followed the instructions to the letter - as you know, working with Knox requires the accuracy and precision of a scientist - but for whatever reason, the cabbage layer just wouldn't set up right. In desperation, I just went ahead and mixed it all together, in hopes that the gelatin in the corned beef layer would prime the cabbage gelling process, and left it overnight to chill, but no dice. So i dumped the whole mess down the disposal and started from scratch with my own concoction, a mélange of the above and this recipe, with lime Jell-O replacing the Knox just to make it extra-St. Patricks-y.

Meanwhile, add remaining ingredients to the remainder of Jell-O mixture. Spoon onto cabbage layer. Chill several hours or overnight. To serve, unmold and cut into squares.

Guest taster Patrick (because it's St. Patrick's Day - see what I did there?) has a go at the finished product:

Our Rating: Zero Screaming Husbands!

(all
dishes are rated from one to five Screaming Husbands. One Screaming
Husband equals a happy home where all problems are solved during
cocktail hour. Five Screaming Husbands signals the beginning of divorce
proceedings.)

(all
dishes are rated from one to five Screaming Husbands. One Screaming
Husband equals a happy home where all problems are solved during
cocktail hour. Five Screaming Husbands signals the beginning of divorce
proceedings.)

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Despite all meteorological evidence to the contrary, summer is coming, and if you're anything like me, that means a panicked vow to the heavens to eat healthier, which will last only until the next glob of food intersects your line of sight.

So, from 1956, we have the delightful, if contradictory, Tempting Low-Calorie Recipes published by the Culinary Arts Institute of Chicago. Delightful, because it's chock full of line drawings by C. C. Cooper (not, as far as I can tell, the American Impressionist painter C. C. Cooper, but one never knows)

Contradictory, because the aforementioned line drawings are just as likely to show mother shoving fattening foods into her children's grubby hands, as they are to show the happy family enjoying exercise in the good, clean American parkland.

The Culinary Arts Institute gets right down to business, no fancy-schmancy enticing names for dishes here: the "appetizers" section starts right off with such unimaginatively-named creations as "meat-stuffed celery sticks" and "chilled melon".

Meat and Dill Slices, though, that's something we could really sink our teeth into - at at only 57 calories per serving, not feel a bit guilty about it!

Here's the recipe:

Prepare 1 Hard-Cooked Egg (page 38) [yes, it refers you to page 38, where there is an instruction on how to boil an egg. The Culinary Institute takes its educational mission VERY SERIOUSLY] Peel, chop and set aside.

Meanwhile, cut ends from 3 large dill pickles, 5 to 6 inches long [I could, here, insert a joke about how one should never send a man to measure anything that needs to be determined in inches, but I fear I risk killing the muse] Cut pickles crosswise into halves. Hollow out centers with apple corer and set pickles aside to drain.Using medium blade of food chopper, grind and set aside enough cooked beef to yield 3/4 cup cooked ground beef. Mix lightly with beef the chopped egg and:1 tablespoon minced parsley1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce1/4 teaspoon monosodium glutamate [ I eliminated this step]1/4 teaspoon saltFew grains cayenne pepper

Moisten to heavy paste with 2 tablespoons ketchup. Pack meat mixture into pickles. Place in refrigerator to chill. To serve, cut crosswise into 1/2 -inch slices. Allow 3 slices for each serving.

It really sounds a lot more labor-intensive than it was. Once you get the pickles hollowed out you're home free. And really, it's only a matter of time before Skymall comes up with a gadget that does that for you.
Now, how does it taste? Will the elimination of MSG make it unpalatable? Let's cut right to the chase and try it out on real company!

Our Rating: Zero Screaming Husbands!

(all
dishes are rated from one to five Screaming Husbands. One Screaming
Husband equals a happy home where all problems are solved during
cocktail hour. Five Screaming Husbands signals the beginning of divorce
proceedings.)

It may surprise you to learn that, though I love eating chowders and other creamed seafood dishes, the actual act of creating said dishes turns my stomach a little. Notwithstanding the documented fact that I will eat anything that's suspended in lemon gelatin.

Plus, "Tuna Sauce".

So, I didn't have high hopes for this recipe. But...

Our Rating: Zero Screaming Husbands!

(all
dishes are rated from one to five Screaming Husbands. One Screaming
Husband equals a happy home where all problems are solved during
cocktail hour. Five Screaming Husbands signals the beginning of divorce
proceedings.)