Social Question

[NSFW] In this progressive gender age, are men and women really the same when it comes to sex?

I don’t want to become all sociological about it, or maybe we should? But I have noticed a lot of questions and answers on this site about gender studies, men and women and put simply how we really are not so different?

Can someone then explain this scenario. A man can visit a call girl, throw off his clothes and have a great orgasm? Can a woman do this? Well, rephrased, can “women” do this. I know I could never. No matter what he did, or she, or whoever I hired. First of all the throwing off of my clothes would also include a little “hide” the bulges cloth swathed around me. Then to the orgasm? Hmmm I cant see it no! What are your thoughts on this difference as I see it?

I think in this example we are different, well the majority are different as there are a percentage of guys who couldn’t do it either, so while we may be the same in some areas there will probably always be areas where we are at opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to sex.

It is interesting to think about why this will be the case or the origins. Is it in our ancient nature with the..me caveman!! idea? Is it due to the way society used to see man as the breadwinner and in charge and the woman was just there to serve him?

@Shippy I am afraid I am a shy and bashful one and I am extremely selective about who can witness the ceremony of throwing off the clothes. I am more likely to run the opposite direction and end up wet due to tears than through anything else.

@gailcalled I am thinking about your answer, interesting. “Is it” physiologically harder. Or is our sexual organs are too connected to our emotionality? And if so why, that is a huge difference. Yet it shouldn’t be in a progressive gender age?

I think the variability is greater individual to individual, not fixed by the particular gender of a person. For instance, back when I was young, I had a job that kept me traveling almost constantly. Being a horny sort, I tried sex with prostitutes twice. I hated it. I’ve had some torrid one-night stands, but only when we both were interested in making love and not money.

Some guys like to be penetrated sexually. Some women do not. Some men are extremely effeminate and some women are as ruggedly masculine as a lumberjack. In fact, these days some women ARE lumberjacks. :-)

It’s definitely not a black or white thing, it’s all possible shades of gray.

Let’s look at an extreme: rape. How many people could have an orgasm when they were forcing their partner to participate? I think that probably 99% or rapists are men. So for these men, psychologically speaking, a warm connection with their partner seems unnecessary.

Now let’s talk about prostitution. Again, probably more than 90% of customers of prostitutes are male. I don’t think there are many women willing to pay for sex. Now, can these men simply disrobe and do the deed and orgasm? No. Most of them require the prostitute to seduce them to some degree. That’s why prostitutes are mostly coquettes of some sort in bordellos.

I think street prostitution is the the closest to your scenario. Pick up a girl on the side of the road, find a place to park, and she blows you. I think it is the excitement of the conquest that keeps such men hard and excited. Even if they are paying, they still get to choose which girl on the street corner they want. Then they get to make her do the nasty. It’s probably not that hard to get off on it, although there are probably many men who would not be interested, or simply couldn’t even get an erection under the circumstances.

It might be easier for men to do it over the internet. You’re in privacy in your own room, and the girl is in privacy in her room. It’s kind of like porn. She takes off her clothes and contorts and tells you she loves your big dick and wants you to do all kinds of nasty things to her. Meanwhile you masturbate and, well, yeah. That’s what it is. Masturbation.

So is fucking a whore. Except instead of the image of a woman, you have a live woman. But it’s still masturbation in terms of what goes on in your mind.

The mind is the key. Men can get off on all kinds of fantasies and some are capable of meeting a live woman and enacting their fantasy on her. This works especially well when her job is to help him enact his fantasy. You’ve got two people working on the same fantasy. Is it any wonder it works?

Frankly, I bet it could work for women, too. It would require a number of conditions that figure in female fantasies. I think for most, safety would be important. They’d want not to have to worry about physical safety or being hurt or getting pregnant.

I think emotions would be key. You’d need to make the woman feel warm and safe and loved. There must be short cuts to achieve this fantasy. But soft touches and kisses and massage and all that kind of thing. You couldn’t have the male urgency. There’s a formula for women probably as much as there is for me. Women are harder, but if you were a gigolo, I bet you could learn how to reliably get women to get off.

Of course, most women wouldn’t do this. They probably don’t think their personal sexual gratification is worth $100 or whatever it costs. They wouldn’t allow themselves to have the pleasure. But if they did, they would probably understand the game and know how to play it in a way that works for them. This is not therapy. It’s sex. So women with a problem wouldn’t play. Only those who could reliably get off, and who were just looking for eye and hand candy to help them masturbate. A woman who knew her vibrator quite well and was looking for a little trustworthy flesh to fill her up might be interested in this product. I doubt if many women would, but there definitely would be some.

I think you’re presuming that “men”, as a category, can do this, which isn’t really true; some men can, some can’t. Can a woman, somewhere, sometime, do this? Sure, many have, especially if what you’re talking about is having an orgasm from someone you just met in any context, not just prostitution.

I think what you’re missing is that the disparity between the number of men who pay sex workers for sex and the number of women who pay sex workers for sex isn’t necessarily a biological difference. Socialization to have your sexuality be a certain way and to view prostitution and sex workers a certain way based on your gender, the prostitution industry being geared towards male customers and an odd penis-centrism in so many male heterosexual prostitutes, rape culture, all these things play a pretty big role in the gender gap.

@Aethelflaed Well, what do I know about rape? Um. Can they get erections? How can you rape someone without an erection, at least? And why do rape kits include swabs for semen if rapists don’t leave some semen behind?

@wundayatta Some can, but it’s fairly common to have trouble getting and/or sustaining one. Yes, you can rape someone without an erection, like with your fingers, tongue, toes, or an object – really, anything that penetrates or intrudes. Rape kits test for possible evidence, and some do leave semen behind; besides, there’s no guarantee that even if they did leave semen, where the nurse swabs will be where the semen was and about half don’t turn up any evidence anyway.

@Aethelflaed Well that helps explain the idea that rape is about violence, not pleasure. Although, there are all these questions about whether a woman can get pregnant if raped. I guess if there is no ejection of semen, that could explain why that doesn’t happen. Very weird. Is there any real data about this? How do you know this? It is so counterintuitive.

I think it is individual choice, but I also think that perhaps males are more likely to engage in this behaviour (and that must be true because I don’t know of any houses of prostitution for women clients, they may exist but not with the regularity of the opposite). The imperative to spread one’s seed could be part of this but I also think culture still celebrates males who are studs but females are told good girls don’t. That may be changing but still exists.