I'm faced with the facts And a fist full of threats I stand quite amused At the end of the bed I have no defense For what I have said As a handful of love Whacks me right round the head She's growling and stalking And grabs from a pile A book that she throws And it missed by a mile I'm holding a pillow And as naked as sin I'm backed to a corner With a wastepaper bin Then up on the mattress There's no place to go I'm guilty yes guilty But there's no place like home

I rewind the hours To see what went wrong I plead for forgiveness And I'm hit like a gong It seems that I'm guilty Of smiling too long When recalling lovers That now are long gone I'm guilty you're guilty So let me be stoned The past is the present When there's no place like home

Off with the shoes And a whack round the head Your ear rings like a phone Some explanation Might patch and mend A love that's lost control Now there's no place like home