Monday, 15 November 2010

Dear Donna ...

Long time no see speak! In case you hadn't gathered, this is the Universe popping in for one of my little 'helpful hints' talks. Let's get started shall we?

First and foremost: when moving house, make sure you are wearing underwear that actually fits and is comfortable! Spending most of the day trying to find a quiet corner to discreetly deal with the mother of all wedgies is not conducive to actually getting anything done. Spending the rest of the day trying to prevent said underwear from falling out the bottom of your 3/4 pants is also not exactly productive. And for heaven's sake, don't wear a new bra. It will dig into places you didn't know you had and cause bruises you will take weeks to get over. Both undies and bra will make for some embarrassing moments with the removalists. Hopefully your face is back to it's normal shade of pink instead of the flaming red you wore for most of the day.

Asking the children to 'put things away' in their new rooms is bound to result in stuff being thrown through in the doorway and left wherever it lands. I realise this is not that different from how they used to put things away in the old house, but as you are still trying to move furniture and large, heavy boxes, it may be advisable to be a bita lot more specific about where things should go. For example: "Put your clothes into the correct drawers of your chest of drawers and not on the floor" is going to save a least four ankle turns, two stubbed toes and one almost broken arm.

You can survive without a phone and internet and for longer than you think. However, your children will think their eyes have been gouged out with a rusty safety pin if they go more than 12 hours without access to facebook, runescape and a various assortment of mind-numbing flash games. All I can say to this is stock up on chocolate, Valium, earplugs and tranquiliser darts. Oh, and make sure you know which box the alcohol is in!

Next time, try moving a bit closer to Christmas. The children will find so many things they had 'lost' that it will save you money on Christmas presents as they will have heaps to entertain themselves with (and to fight over who it actually belonged to in the first place).

Even though your kitchen was the first thing to be moved, make sure to claim ignorance of where anything is placed in the new kitchen. This will ensure takeaway (and no dishes) for at least four nights after you move in. This will unfortunately leave a rather large dent in the food budget for the week but it is worth it to save your sanity. Oh, and find a rental with a dishwasher next time (not that there will be a next time but make sure the new house has one before you move in!)

Get used to the fact that you will be living in a house full of boxes of stuff you 'need' but don't have a space for ... yet. Just tell the children that the boxes are giant cardboard Lego pieces when they start to complain about the boxes blocking the view to the TV and suggest that they build themselves a nice jail cellsoundproof room 'cubby house' instead of whingeingwhiningmoaning politely voicing their discontent.

Now that we have some of those things settled, I would suggest that you keep this list handy for next year when you get to do it all again.