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8 Ways to Transform a Friendship Into Something More

Remember when you guys wanted me and Ryan to date? Well, neither of us wanted to transform that. Nice try, though. (Did I throw you for a second with that headline and the photo?)

My friend J is mad-crushing on her guy friend. She’s not the biggest flirt and not the most social being, so I’m currently in the process of tutoring her. The subject? The art of working it. Check out these tips for transforming a friendship into something more.

1. Yo, cool it with the names, Brah. Stop calling him buddy, friend, pal, brother, slugger, dude, kid, cool guy, big guy, little guy, son, champ, sport, loser, Spike, dawg, punk, slick, professor, tiger, Smith, and hey you. Those names belong in the Friend Zone and they give off the wrong signal. They might feel comfortable to use, but they don’t get his heart racing (or yours!). They tell him you are not interested. Use his first name.

2. Change what you do together. Create an opportunity for romance. Put down the Frisbee and go for a drink. My friend Lindsey took a small road trip with her guy friend so that they could attend a friend’s party in another city. On their return trip, they were more than friends. Now they’re getting married.

3. Dress for a date. You want to maintain your identity and style, but try tapping into your feminine side. Swap the sweatpants for a skirt. He will notice. This sounds so backwards and antiquated, but I swear: skirts! Men are visual people. My friend Kate was like, a superjock tomboy but in 2003, after spending a semester hanging around me at grad school, she started wearing the color pink and skirts for the first time in her life. Men noticed! She snagged her first boyfriend the next semester. I’m just sayin’.

4. Stay open to other possibilities. Date other people. If he asks you about these guys, he might be wondering about the competition. Nothing wrong with a little healthy competition. And while we’re at it

5. Don’t over-focus on him and what could be. If your mutual friends constantly gossip about how great you’d be together, that’s annoying. I’m glad they see what you see (or what you want to see), but is that what he sees? He won’t become your boyfriend because everyone thinks it should happen. He’ll date you if the chemistry grows and he feels attracted.

6. Get your flirt on. It may feel inauthentic or suspect to start acting coy and girly and weirdo if you’ve always maintained your cool. Who bats their lashes while playing a competitive game of pool? But hey, it won’t be embarrassingly obvious if you start smiling and laughing more. You don’t have to act like Miss Piggy, but choose two moves and do them: giggle, touch his arm, toss your hair, touch your neck, shrug your shoulders, shake your hips, bake him a cookie. Come on! Be alluring! I’m not saying act fake, but if this guy makes you giddy, the giggling should happen naturally anyway.

7. Bite the bullet and ask him out already. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right next to them. So if you’re on the couch playing Xbox with your bud and you’re just DYING to run your fingers through his hair, well, it’s time to ask him out. You cannot go on any longer. You are going to make yourself sick. Stop the torture. Ask him out.

8. But be patient after that! The timing has to be right for a get-together. You might realize you have feelings for the guy, but at that time he’s seeing someone else. (Watch how he reacts to your asking him out—is he touched? He might free up later and go after you!) Keep up the friendship and who knows what the future will bring.

What do you think? Can you add anything? Do you have a success story or tale of failure to contribute?