I second (third, whatever) the notion you have to know the other couple well for BDSM. Part of the reason my partner and I can do dom/sub so well is we've had enough experience to make trust part of the relationship.

I love demeaning talk, choking, spanking, and forced positions (eg in front of a window). Even if a couple read one of my stories and said "We want that!", I'd want a frank conversation with them.

I don't think BDSM is *separate* from sex...but it is separate from intercourse. In the end, it's about communication - and on that last point, I'd NEVER engage in BDSM with a couple who could not communicate extremely well. Period.

Roswell GA

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where are u 2 from?we are also into bdsm and swinging would love to chat with u guys

Toms River NJ

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I don't know if it has been mentioned or not and I am not affiliated with them (I just want this to succeed so we have a place to go!), but Evolution Kink holds events at Sanctuary Studios in Los Angeles that DOES combine BDSM and play. If you are in the area, they have events listed in the groups section.

Brea CA

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Just chiming in with my two cents. We are into BDSM and new to the swing lifestyle. I tell ya I read a post about how two doms felt their bdsm activities are too intimate to share with others. To a degree I can relate. I find performing a scene with participation such as co-topping, and sensual touching to just name a couple can bring out understanding and enlightenment from those less versed in the craft. I enjoy introducing new people to our lifestyle with all it's kinks. I truly believe that with proper mood setting, coupled with open minds, as well as clear explanation while participating is a cool combo. My wife and I had a very special moment recently using that very formula. I would like to see more BDSM advertised in profiles. Funny story when we first dipped our toe in the lifestyle it was at a hotel party in Atlanta. There were asses getting beat, cloggers a flying, bondage a bonding.!! Then whamooh nothing to be found online. Just saying thanks for reading.

Cumming GA

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That's probably a more accurate description. It's more of how were treating each other that defines the boundaries. I have no problem roughing up my gf when she asks for it. We had a particularly fun day last Wednesday that was fantastic.

But, it is definitely a love and trust issue to go there for us. But yeah we talked about it and discussed it with the other couple. I'll likely rough her up to a point, but there are just certain points I won't push it to, because some things are reserved for my gf.

But again, everyone that's into BDSM has different preferences and levels. So,it may not be about them being disinterested in the subject, but maybe they just aren't willing to go there with others. Or they could possibly feel bad about knowing they won't bring their A game.

Philadelphia PA

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@stgalacouple

Wise words....

East Fishkill NY

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playtimetxcpl,

You're not alone in thinking about these things.

Rough play is certainly considered part of BDSM, particularly the things you describe the other woman wanting. You're allowed to have limits too, and if you're not comfortable doing any of those things, as the dominant you can clearly choose not to do them. In fact, since those activities are felonies if there is no consent, you'll want to be sure that you trust the person you're doing them to. You don't want to get into a "he said, she said" situation.

It is also common that a dom is not as willing to be as rough with the sub he loves as she might want -- and it's a common complaint subs make. It's one reason why subs are looking for very rough play from other doms since they can't get it at home.

All this suggests that you proceed very slowly and carefully.

If rough play isn't a turn on for your lady, understand that you're no less a dom if you don't choose to do it with her.

Not sure what you mean by a full-on D/s session with demands and instructions. There's no right way to do a session, except that it has to work for both the dom and the sub.

Kitty Hawk NC

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Not sure where we fit in this discussion. We recently had a fun time with a couple. Afterwards we have been discussing what we all liked, didn't like, and want next time. Fortunately, most of it was good :)

But, the female of the other couple wants to be roughed up. She likes feeling used and abused (spanking, choking, slapping, name calling, etc.). I (male) and not against going there if that's ultimately what she wants, but I don't even do some of those things for my woman.

My lady does enjoy some BDSM play. We had a fun little session last Wednesday, but that is something tend to keep personal between us. After talking last night, we decided that if I were to rough her up during our play time, it's cool. However, the full on Dom/Sub situation with demands, instructions, etc.etc. is probably out for now until we have a full session of that as a foursome.

Maybe other couples have something similar going on where their boundaries are set for certain situations.

Philadelphia PA

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Things might be looking up with the success of "50 Shades of Grey"

:-)

Pittsburgh PA

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There are so few who speak of success finding bdsm couples who also swing. Lot's of you talk about how difficult it has been. I am so curious about why this is. We who are on this forum are bdsm swingers. Are we not finding each other? Do you have any advice that would help the rest of us be more successful with swingers who do have an interest in bdsm? I for one, would love more advice from you who have been successful. Those who have not had success, why do you think that is?

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