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“A Woman”

I dedicate this writing to my mom. My role model and my worst enemy at the same time. I wish I can hate you, but I just can’t.

This morning, on my way to Mechelen, I saw a posting from my Dear Daniel’s Facebook page. It was about how a woman should fight against the gender prejudice (link is here). Being born as a woman, is never been easy for me. As an Indonesian, I hate the stereotype that baby girl should wear pink and baby boy should wear blue. I hate that most girls ‘should’ play with cooking utensils and dolls, while boy can play with car, bike, roller skate, mechanic stuff. I hate the most common statement from people, “Why do you have to study high if you are going to be ended up in the kitchen.” Or “What do you want if you get all that titles and career but you are still single”. It is so common that women are only seen as a machine to produce kids and an accessory to her husband. I hate when I say that I like to live in Belgium in comparison of living in Indonesia and they are going to say, “You should find a Belgian man, then.” Why can not I live in one country because of my effort? Why should I depend on a man to get something in my life? I hate when finally George Clooney married Amal Alamuddin, everyone was sad because this most awesome single man was finally taken, instead of being sad because this awesome single woman (yeah, of course if you know how cool Amal Alamuddin is) was finally taken..

I never really realized how lucky I am to be born in my family until today..

I went to Mechelen to meet my Mom’s friends. They are ‘different’ kind of my mom’s friends from what I used to know. They are these good looking women with high maintenance, makeup, expensive clothes.. (Un)fortunately, I could not stand to be with them in just 5 minutes!

On my way back home, I’m thinking how grateful I am to have my Mom. When I was a kid, I ever asked my mom why didn’t my mom be a working mother like my other friends’ moms. They always came to school in such a fancy way.. While my mom? She never wears make up.. She never dress in an expensive clothes. She never has the smell of this expensive fragrance. I hate her, why she could not be looking good.

When I arrived home, I texted my mom. I told her, I’m glad that I don’t have that kind of mom.

My mom gave me book as my birthday present instead of an expensive clothes.

She took me to the performance of very famous Indonesian group of theater “Teater Koma” instead of going to the mall.

She showed me that it is OK to be a geek.

She teaches me that the real accessory of a woman is not a make up, expensive pearls, nor diamonds. It is her knowledge.

She teaches me the value of being a woman is not only to be someone who are beautiful outside but what kind of meaning you can give to others.

She told me that since my father is the only man in the family, we have to be strong. We would never know until when we can have my father in the family. If one day we have to live without my father, we should be able to help ourselves and each other so that we can continue living.

I’m so glad that she let my sister and me played with car, bike, climbed the trees, went to the rooftop, played with guns.

I’m so glad that when I told my mom that I want to be a cashier when I’m old because I always love to see people working with that machine and it has so much money coming out, and she was fine.

I’m so glad that I have a mom who never ask when I will get married. Who never stop me from being stubborn and go for whatever I want.

I’m so glad that she allows me to tell whatever I wanna say at home.

She is not an awesome mom. But she is the first woman who teaches me that it is OK to be and to do whatever I want, as long as I feel comfortable with myself. The first woman who shows me the other values that a woman can have, not only for herself, but also for the people around her.