Stuff

Month / March 2013

We have done a couple of touristy things this last week – one of which I never believed would ever happen … but more on that later.

Ulalena – the “traditional” story of the origins of Maui as told by Cirque de Soleil. (“Did you know that the Cirque is Canadian? You Canadians sure are brilliant!” said a local woman. Yes, we are, and thanks again for the affirmation.)

OK, I expected it to be more ballet than monster truck, and I was right. It was ok and then … a fight broke out in the audience. I’m not making it up.

There was a young couple who had been making rude remarks and laughing at somewhat inappropriate times all night. An older, very large gentlemen suggested, rather colourfully, that these people leave. “You suck!” “No, you suck!” And more witticisms like that flew back and forth.

“I’ll meet you outside … No, I’ll meet YOU outside.” And so on. And then … and I’ve only ever seen this in the movies, the old guy throws his drink into the young guy’s face.

Just before the bell rang for round two, security came and escorted the young couple out.

It was like being at a hockey game, except warmer.

This was in Lahaina, by the way. Not that you care. But you should care about this.

We had the best food we’ve ever had … and my mother in law can really cook.

We went to a place called Kimos on Front Street. I had the ribs, and my wife had chicken and steak on skewers.

It … Was … Awesome! The meat fell of the bone, was so tender, and tasted so on incredibly good that I’m pretty sure we were making somewhat obscene moaning noises. Think “When Harry Met Sally” restaurant scene.

And, there was a baked potato that was also incredibly good, I couldn’t believe it. If you’re ever in Lahaina, you must go.

Did I mention it was incredibly good?

Actually, we’ve been having pretty good food all round lately, so I have no complaints. Of course, even McDs tastes pretty great when the temperature is 26, the sun is out, and you have no particular place to go.

We were lucky enough to have another shopping day. Totally unrelated, John Mclane took on Russia in “Keep Dying Hard Until They Bury You … Again”.

Now, here’s the shocking development. No, not all the chickens have died. We did see a just past middle age couple – probably German – who changed in front of us at a “secluded” waterfall, but, at my age, so what.

No … I went Ziplining, and my wife did too! I was shocked, as she has a fear – dare I say phobia – of heights.

She did great! Now, this wasn’t the biggest zipline in the world, but it was nearly 80′ high (8 stories!) and we reached speeds of 45 mph (about 80km/h). That’s not just rhubarb, you know.

Well, our time here is coming to an end. Tomorrow night we start the long flight back to home. While I suppose it might be ok to see the lads (cue tear jerking music), I’m not looking forward to cold, snow, and wearing pants.

Of course, what I wear in the privacy of my own home is none of your business …

I have either been getting used to the chickens, or the chickens and I have begun to think as one. I am now waking at a slightly more reasonable hour, with less hatred in my heart for my fellow fowl.

Of course, I am eating chicken every chance I get, so maybe I am winning a war of attrition.

The weather continues to be great, although it is VERY windy here. There isn’t enough hair product to keep hair in place.

We have been exploring the island. I am very excited to say that we have discovered some places to shop. Always my favourite … In unrelated news, I watched the movie Snitch yesterday afternoon.

As always, I am often more interested in people watching than doing stuff. Especially if it can be done in the shade.

We spent some time in Lahaina, and I was able to spend most of the afternoon under a massive banyan tree, talking to / observing the people.

Here are some of the things I observed:

A shop owner on a break – “all you Canadians are so happy. We sure are proud of you up there!”

“Thanks,” I said. It feels good to be validated by our brothers and sisters thousands of miles away.

The economy – is definitely hurting here. My wife was shopping (shocking, I know). While looking at a necklace, a person literally – not making this up – took my wife’s necklace from around her neck and put a new one on. My wife was a little ticked, and if it wouldn’t have been for the fantastic deal, she would have been offended.

After the money changed hands, the sales lady said “thank you. Now, goodbye!” It makes you feel good that people around the world really care for each other …

Lost in translation – a tour bus went by. On the side was the name of the tour company, in English and Cantonese. OK, it could have been Mandarin. What do I know?

The translation was less than spectacular. It was The Good Merry American Tours bus. I’m sure this was something really cool sounding in the original language.

Looks can be deceiving – there was a man sitting on the bench next to me. He had a bulging backpack, and I could see a sleeping bag sticking out of it.

As I like to pigeonhole people – so as to keep feeling superior – I mentally said “homeless”. He was busy writing, and, after a while, I asked him if he was writer.

“No,” he said ” I’ve got to get my taxes done to keep the f$&@ing IRS off my back.”

In the back of my mind, I had this little fragment of thought. Something about a book by its cover …

Looks can’t be deceiving 2 – a young woman was crossing the street. She was … Um … amply endowed, and wearing what I would call a tube top – but that probably has a different name by now.

Fashion is one of the many things that are not my strong suit.

As she walked, I thought of all the rules of physics she was proving – an object at rest stays at rest. An object in motion … Well, the one law she was having the most trouble with was gravity.

Let’s face it, we all do.

Just before I could avert my eyes, I was scandalized by what I think of as a free show – or in this case, half a show. As she said a few, and in her case, appropriate, comments, I was reminded of the wise words of my uncle John. “You can’t shove 10 pounds of rice into an 8 pound sack.”

Words to live by.

The food so far hasn’t been great – other than some fantastic ribs at Ruby Tuesdays. I spent an agonizing day and night with food poisoning after some lousy fish at a local restaurant.

I guess if you have to be sick, it’s better to be sick on Maui.

Well, I’ve bored you again. I know, it’s like I never left …

Have a good one. Time to see what the day has to offer.

Aloha

PS – I have some great pictures, but I’m unsure as to how to get them from the camera to my iPad. I’m sure there is a gizmo that will do it, but, frankly, I don’t want to put any effort into it. So, instead, I’ll paint a mental picture. Imagine a woman in a tube top …