Saw the new Batman movie the other night. Good flick… Not great…And I have a couple things that bugged me.

1) If Heath Ledger wins an Academy Award for his portrayal of The Joker it’s only because he’s a dead junkie, and Hollywood loves to canonize dead junkies. And the fact that he ass-banged another cowpoke onscreen last year only helps his chances. Playing someone who is gay or someone who is handicapped is your ticket to respect as far as Hollywood is concerned. If Leonardo DiCaprio’s character in Gilbert Grape was mentally retarded, blind, AND gay, then that piece of shit movie would
still be in theaters today.

2) Maggie Gyllenhaal replaced Tom Cruise’s wife as the female lead, and that girl is just plain old tough to look at. Her clothes were frumpy and you really can’t appreciate the size of her jowls until you see
them splayed across the big screen. I am not looking to bang anybody, but if you put a gun to my head – I’ll chose her brother.

And I’ve made this point before, but this movie was another perfect example… The 3 main male characters: Heath Ledger, mother-beating Christian Bale, and Aaron Eckhart are all good looking guys. Shit, I think you could make an argument to bed Morgan “Freckles” Freeman given the right lighting. So how come the fellas don’t get something pretty to look at?… All we get is droopy old Maggie Jellyhole?… It pisses me off.

I’m a big “live and let live” type guy, but isn’t it about time that Emmanuel Lewis kills himself?

I don’t think he’s a bad person or anything. I just think he had a really, really good run in the mid-80’s with the whole “Webster” thing. And he certainly rode that gravy train ’til they kicked him off
screaming. But now he’s just a baby-faced freak who creeps me the fuck out.

I don’t hate you, Little Man, but go fetch Uncle Large his shotgun, ’cause it’s time to go.