Saturday, January 30, 2010

Yesterday I was feeling sort of productive and I was going to clean my room or something until I saw that "Dude, where's my car?" was on HBO. For some reason I never got around to watching this back in the day. It's crazy that the movie is 10 years old already. I don't remember hearing anything good or bad about it back in High School so I decided to kill an hour and a half. I have concluded that it was the worst thing I could have possibly done with my time. That is a terrible movie except for a few things which I will get to shortly. I do remember laughing a few times but overall feel that is was very dumb. I though it was stupid from the get-go but I had to watch the whole thing just because I give everything a chance. One of the things I found cool was that Michael Bower was in it for a few minutes, you might remember him better as "DonkeyLips" from "Salute your shorts." Now that was a great show back in 1991 but for some reason only aired for 2 seasons. Right now you are trying to remember the theme song, it's okay I was too. I miss that show and haven't seen a rerun in a long time. I wonder if Netflix has it?Also one of the hot girlfriends, Wilma, was played by Marla Sokoloff which I remembered as "Gia" from "Full House." She was Stephanie Tanner's trouble making friend, who was kind of hot back then. I love when random celebrities appear in movies. Last but not least there was Fabio. His cameo was immediately followed by an unnecessary kissing scene between Ashton and Seann. I'm not a homophobe but that is something I didn't need to see. Why wasn't there a kissing scene between 2 hot chicks? Or at least some female nudity to offset the man love. If you have never seen the movie then I will save you some time and highly recommend that you go to the dentist instead. It will be less painful than sitting through that crapfest. I'm not even going to give it a rating because it isn't worth my time.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Did anybody look at this month's Maxim? Guess who appears on the cover? I'll give you a minute to think, it took me by surprise...... Insert Jeopardy Theme Music for effect.

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Ok, times up!

It's Amanda Bynes (if you didn't know or can't read.) I remember her from the Nickelodeon show All That. I can't picture her all grown up and stuff. She has grown up to be an attractive woman. I never thought watching Nickelodeon that she would grow up to be kind of hot. Now she is 23 and fair game for anyone in my generation (I'm 25.) Who's next, Dakota Fanning?

I was bored the other day so I decided to be a little nostalgic. I broke out the after-market NES and original games. I played some Yo Noid!, VICE: Project Doom, Battletoads, NES Play Action Football and TECMO Super Bowl. I re-lived my childhood on a 13 inch Sony from a decade ago, it didn't really enhance the graphics.

Those football games for NES are so totally different from playing Madden 10 for Xbox 360. The graphics are atrocious and there are only about 8 plays to choose from, 4 running and 4 passing plays. In spite of these things I still loved playing my old games. Does anybody remember playing TECMO Super Bowl? It was so hard to play defense, every play they did netted them 50+ yards and a touchdown. What was cool about that game was it actually showed you what players were playing. I played NFC vs. AFC, there was Barry Sanders, Thurman Thomas, Morten Anderson, Mark Rypien and a bunch more. I remember having so much fun playing that game.

Play Action Football was a totally different game than TECMO, the field was 10 times as big and there were slightly more plays to choose from. After picking your play you had the option of choosing the opposite direction or play as drawn up.They also added the option play so you could run or pass. I remember this game being tough because you had to manually control the receivers in order to catch the ball. I believe there was an 'X' on the field you had to be on.

Good times playing these games. Just imagine what video games are going to be like in 50 years. I am going to definitely try to hold on to my old systems and games to compare. Kids nowadays start off playing Xbox 360 or PS3, they don't know what it's like to have cheap graphics and 8 megabytes. I still play my Super NES and Nintendo 64. The 64 was an awesome system, a bit underrated I think, much better than GameCube. Mario Kart was the best game for 64. Okay I think I have said enough, I could ramble on for hours on this stuff. If you still have any old systems, break them out from the attic and re-live some happy memories.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

A college couple is under a tree on campus at night fooling around. After a while, the girl says, "I wish you had a flashlight." He says, "Why is that?" She says, "Because you've been eating grass for the past fifteen minutes."

Sunday, January 24, 2010

I thought I would squeeze this post in before the playoff games today. First I would like to thank AsBlackAsObama for his Commitment to Excellence post on the Raiders. He is my first guest writer that I don't know personally. It was a very well written post and I hope to have him back soon. It seems like we might make some history in this year's Super Bowl. There are a few scenarios that could take place. The Jets haven't been to a Super Bowl since 1969 and haven't played in an AFC Championship game since they lost to the Broncos in 1998.The Vikings are 0-4 in the Super Bowl back in the 1970's, their last appearance was in '77 when they were defeated by the Raiders. They only have a total of 34 points in all of their Super Bowl games. Also if Favre can get them there and win, that will probably be another record that he breaks.Now the New Orleans Saints have never made it to the big game. I would like to see the Saints win the Super Bowl, they deserve it. They haven't been that great of a franchise and need a victory. I picked the Chargers and Saints in the Super Bowl, I might get to be half right.There are currently only 5 NFL teams that have never appeared in a Super Bowl: New Orleans Saints, Houston Texans, Jacksonville Jaguars, Cleveland Browns and Detroit Lions. The Texans have been around the shortest amount of time so they get a break but the Lions and Browns have sucked for a long time. What sucks for the Browns is that when they moved to Baltimore, the Ravens made the Super Bowl but not as the Browns so I'm not counting it.I could care less if the Colts make it and win. The only thing significant is the rematch between them and the Jets, both this season and of Super Bowl III. Both Championship games should be very close and hard hitting. I love football!!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

I was thinking about something after my 'Daybreakers' post. Isn't it kind of gay for a male vampire to suck on the neck of another male? If I was a vampire I would be targeting the ladies and would feel a little awkward sucking on the dudes. Even the end of that sentence seemed a little homosexual. By the way I am not homophobic in any way I just thought it would be interesting to bring up. Someone should make a movie about gay vampires and make it into a comedy horror. That would be new and original. Can an animal be a vampire? Like a cat with bat wings and shit, or a penguin! Ok the penguin would probably have to be a comedy as well, who is scared of a penguin, they are so cute.Daybreakers has opened up some new vampire ideas. Just wait a few years, somebody will make a gay vampire movie. Maybe there is already one floating out there.

I should of wrote this post on Monday but it's not time sensitive so I don't care that much. The reason I say this is because something happened over last weekend that should of sparked this post right away. I'll show you some pics first and you can imagine what could of happened.....

So my fiance Nicole and I were driving up to see my buddy Jon in Syracuse last Friday. We were about 75 miles away from his house on the Thruway around 6 o'clock with a decent amount of traffic around us. When out of nowhere there were 3 deer just chilling in the road like someone just dropped them off there. We were going 65 mph in the right lane so there wasn't much time to stop. We slammed on the brakes and swerved left (which in retrospect was probably a bad idea if there had been another car in the left lane.) Obviously we hit one of the damn things, we clipped it's ass and it did about $2000 worth of damage to Nicole's CR-V. I don't know what happened to the deer. He's probably in a wheel chair now with a broken coccyx (tail bone) and dislocated legs. I hope Bambi's cousin has health insurance.

I have no idea how we ended up hitting Bambi's cousin seeing how there were cars behind and in front of us and we were in the right lane. These deer were walking from the left side of the road and somehow maneuvered through traffic right in front of us. I think some guy with a tractor trailer is dropping off deer on the highway at random points, dude if you are reading this, you are an ASSHOLE!! The only good news is that the car was still drivable minus a headlight and part of the bumper.

A trooper stopped to help us and he was definitely related to Barney Fife and Gomer Pyle. He was dumb and didn't know what to do. He asked us if we wanted a police report. We asked him if we needed one and he said that he didn't know. What a jackass!

The kicker is we had just come from Mavis for 4 new tires and an alignment and now the car is going to be in the body shop for almost a month. Luckily there is collision on the car and Nicole gets to drive a 2009 Camry rental. That car is a smooth ride.

Deer are unavoidable, you are better off gunning for them and fucking them up as much as possible for being in your way. I have hit 3 in my life with 3 different vehicles. I'm going for the record. Anyone hit more than me?

Thursday, January 21, 2010

I was never a big fan of vampire movies. They all seemed to be too similar and unoriginal. The same basic plot where there is one vampire hunter and to get rid of all the blood suckers he/she had to kill the head vampire. Also the vamps couldn't go out in the daylight, they were kept away with garlic and killed with a stake through the heart. Basically the same ol' stuff. I felt this way until I saw the trailer for Daybreakers a few months ago. What is ironic is that I was telling my fiance Nicole that they need to make a different vampire movie right before the trailer flashed before our eyes, it must have been fate. I think we saw the preview when we went to see Law Abiding Citizen, if you haven't seen that movie then go rent it, it was awesome. Daybreakers is a very original vampire type movie. I'm not going to bother with a synopsis, you can read one on IMDb. I feel like I haven't seen Willem Dafoe in anything in awhile. He is kind of scary looking. I bet he makes a creepy 'O' face. Now you are thinking about Willem Dafoe having sex, pervert! Do you think his real name is William and he wanted to be different by changing it?Ethan Hawke and Sam Neill also star in this blood splattering flick. Those 2 guys aren't in a lot of movies either but they come together in this film and do a great job. Daybreakers is pretty gory at times so don't be bringing the young kids along unless you want to scar them for life. Whoever wrote the script for this movie is very clever. They incorporated some old cliche vampiric ideas with some new kick-ass ones. I'd say the only thing I didn't like was the length of the movie, could of been a little longer. Also.they could of focused a little more on the hunting of the humans and subdwellers. I guess in order to find out what I'm talking about you will have to take a trip to the theater. If you care at all about my opinion and I know that you probably don't, I give Daybreakers 3.5 stars. Not great but original and worth seeing. It kept me on the edge of my seat and a little off it too.

Friday, January 15, 2010

I downloaded this application on my Ipod called 'Weird Laws.' It is pretty amusing, there are some crazy laws out there in the states. There was one in Texas that struck me as the oddest one. Apparently a recently passed anticrime law in Texas requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed. What kind of dumb ass criminal is actually going to do this? First of all the reason why they are criminals is because they don't obey the law. "Hello is this Mr. Smith, I'm just calling you to tell you that I plan on breaking into your house tomorrow and stealing some things, ok? thanks, bye." Them Texan law makers are pretty bright..........not!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

The NFL Playoffs are underway, and Powdered Toast Man has kindly asked me to provide a guest post about my love/hate relationship with the Oakland Raiders here at 'Just The Cheese'.... Which is nice, because I don't get to write about sports very much over at 'I Think It's Interesting'...

As a kid growing up in Northern California, you pledge you allegiance to one of two football teams. You either choose to root for the San Francisco 49ers or the Oakland/Los Angeles Raiders. I know the Raiders had left Oakland for Los Angeles when I was two years old, but there was a strong fan base for the Raiders even after they had left....

My decision to root for the Raiders was threefold:

a) Everyone else in my house had made the decision to follow the 49ers.b) My best friend had decided to root for the Raiders. (I think I was 6 or 7)c) One of my favorite football players of all time, Bo Jackson, was on the team.....

My choice was made.... The Raiders were my team....

I'm not one of those fair weather football fans who roots for any team that's winning, the Oakland Raiders, unfortunately, is my team through the thick and the thin....

By the way, I moved to Southern California the year the Raiders left Los Angeles to return to Oakland....

Throughout my childhood, the franchise had firepower.... They were tough, they had grit.... When they hit a guy, he stayed down.... Heck, they won two Super Bowls in the early 1980's.... And the fans, the 'Raider Nation' were just as tough and crazy as the players.

They brought in some amazing players.... Marcus Allen, Tim Brown, Howie Long, and as I mentioned before, Bo Jackson were some of the big names that helped the Raiders win up until their final Super Bowl appearance in 2002, where they got crushed by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers....

Then they lost their magic.... Since 2002, the Oakland Raiders have lost 83 of 112 games.... They have a dismal 26% winning percentage....

What could have caused this drastic turnaround?

It could have been the fact that the Oakland Raiders have had five head coaches over the past seven seasons.... But coach turnover is typical after a poor season....

It could have been that the Oakland Raiders have drafted (and given enormous contracts to) the biggest names in college football in the first round of the last few drafts.... But those star college players: JaMarcus Russell, Darren McFadden and Darrius Heyward-Bey have not been able to translate their talent into NFL success.... The assistant coaches have actually told the press that they believe JaMarcus Russell has regressed as a quarterback, and in my opinion it seems like the offense doesn't want to work hard for Russell.

They brought in veteran defensive linemen Richard Seymour and Greg Ellis this year to lead the defense, and they brought instant results, but the team still did not have any solid defense.....

When it comes down to it, the Raiders are not a cohesive team.... They play for one man..... The man who calls all the shots.... Team owner and general manager, 80 year old Al 'Cryptkeeper' Davis. From all accounts, all decisions regarding the franchise go through him, some players have said that he still calls plays from up in the booth.... Don't get me wrong.... He had a wonderful football mind, but lately it seems like he's losing that mind and he might need to let go of the reigns......

Until we figure out what's wrong, we'll just keep on 'rebuilding'.....

Monday, January 11, 2010

It has to be tough being a referee in professional sports and not for the reason you are probably thinking of. Referees can't have a favorite team in the sport that they work in. You would think that a football referee had a favorite team growing up and that's why he wanted to be a referee in the NFL. How do you get a job in a sport you love and just not like any teams anymore? Also what makes you want to become a professional referee anyway? I mean umpiring your son's little league team is probably fun but what's the incentive to going pro? I could never do it. I would want to watch the game and not my section of the field. That's the other challenge, is having a section of the field to watch during the whole game and not sneaking a peak at the actual play. Obviously I'm centering around football because that is what I mostly watch. I guess it's all about ethics and doing your job. I think the refs are underrated. I wonder how much they get paid? Are they under contract too? These are the things that I ponder everyday.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

I know that most of the stuff I write about on here is meant to be humorous or slightly controversial but sometimes things happen and I have to show my human side. A few days ago our family dog Bud got hit by a car and got killed, he was 11. We had him as a pet for 10 years. The odd thing was that he disappeared after a daily walk. He rarely ran away and was never gone for a long time. He had arthritis in his back legs and didn't stray very far away from the house. We searched around our house, in the woods and along side the road for about 3 hours on Wednesday night and did not find him. We got a call on Thursday from our neighbor that someone had found Bud right down the road. He got hit and managed to drag himself off the road. I was more choked up than I thought I would be and I did shed some tears for him. It is tough losing a pet especially one you have had for awhile. We have always had lots of pets. I counted and this is the 10th pet we have lost, 6 dogs and 4 cats. He was a very good dog, very well behaved. He never did anything wrong, he barely barked. I remember one time he got locked in the garage for 2 days and didn't go to the bathroom. He didn't have much longer to live but he didn't deserve the way he went. We still are puzzled why he was near the road in the first place, it was very unlike him. He will be missed by a lot of people. RIP Bud.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name. "Yeah teach?" he replies. "If there are 3 ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher. Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off." "No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds. "Well, teach, I've got a question for you..... There are 3 women that come out of an ice cream parlor, one is biting here ice cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?" The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream." Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!!"

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

I have lost some respect for Luke Wilson. You are probably wondering what did he do? Well it's the new AT&T commercials that he has been doing lately. He states that AT&T has more coverage than Verizon, I beg to differ Luke. I have Verizon and I very rarely drop a call or don't have service somewhere. That's the main reason for this post. In one of the commercials he talks about AT&T cell phone users being able to talk on the phone and surf the web at the same time and that Verizon doesn't have this feature. Why would you need to talk on the phone and go on the Internet with the same phone? Who is using this feature? The only time I would see this coming in handy is if you are talking about going to the movies or something and you need the show times. Do people really multitask this much and have that much ADD?Is that the only thing that AT&T has over Verizon, a phone that lets you update your Facebook status while you are talking to your BFF? If I see someone using this feature on their phone I'm going to punch them in the kidney and throw their phone into traffic. Some technology we do not need. Stop pushing this on people Luke Wilson.

It has been awhile since I wrote a movie review. My last one was on November 22nd. It has been over a month since I have been to the theaters, I am ashamed of myself. I would say 90% of the time I see a movie that really interests me, it's on opening weekend . However Sherlock Holmes came out on Christmas and I kind of forgot about it. I have been seeing trailers for that movie since the beginning of summer and have been anxiously waiting it's release.

I love movies directed by Guy Ritchie. Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch are my favorites. Is Guy Ritchie British? All of his movies are based in or around England and the actors he uses are mostly British. I guess it works for him.

If you liked Robert Downey Jr's acting in Iron Man then you will love him in Sherlock Holmes. He has the same kind of cocky, comical personality as he did when he played Tony Stark. As a side note I saw the trailer for Iron Man 2 and it looks pretty awesome, can't wait for that movie!!

Jude Law plays the role of Dr. John Watson and does a fine job. The sexy Rachel McAdams also stars in it, you know her from Wedding Crashers. I don't think I ever knew Watson's first name until this movie. I thought he had an odd name like Sherlock, I didn't think it would be as plain as John. Is there anybody named Sherlock out there in the real world?

Guy Ritchie does not disappoint in this one, well actually he never disappoints, at least from the movies I've seen. It's funny, action packed and full of magic. Robert Downey Jr. carries out another brilliant performance. I do have to say that the movie was missing one thing. I don't want to ruin it by saying it even though it's only a minor detail. Hmmm....... what to do? Hell it's my blog and I will write whatever I want. The famous line "Elementary, my dear Watson" is missing from the dialogue. Did I ruin it? I noticed this after the movie was over. It's not a huge deal but I thought they would of said it at the beginning or end. Heck, I could be wrong and maybe they did say it, I'm only human.

I give the film 4 out of 5 stars. A good movie to start off the new year. Daybreakers looks pretty interesting as well, I might have to check that one out. I also saw like 6 pretty cool previews before Sherlock started that got my juices flowing. I think I have said enough. My opinion is go see Sherlock Holmes, I liked it and well that's all that really matters in my book.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

I'm going to start a little trivia corner on my blog. Well it's not going to be in the corner but I don't know what else to call it. I am probably going to to something once a week with trivia. Some will be easy and some will be hard. I'm going to keep track of who gets the right answers. Maybe there will be prizes awarded. If you want to play along just email me your answers to Reviewsyoucantuse@gmail.com. Don't put your answer in a comment because it will ruin it for other people. Feel free to still leave a comment just don't write your answer there. I love trivia and puzzles so that is why I want to do this. Now I know some of you will want to cheat and just go on the Internet to find the answer but where is the fun in that. I want you to muster all the brain power you can.You know what show I really liked back in the 90's, Unhappily Ever After. That was a funny show, kind of had a Married with Children feel to it. I'm going to start off with a 2 part question.1) What actor played the son on the show?2) Who did the voice for Mr. Floppy?Email: Reviewsyoucantuse@gmail.com

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Do women know about urinal etiquette? Does every guy know all the rules? I have this game on my ipod touch called the urinal test. It is a pretty silly game but it's fun and gets lots of laughs. Basically there are 7 urinals and some of them are occupied, which one should you take? The basic idea is that the distance between users should be maximized, at the same time minimizing a newcomer's chance of getting too close. Every guy has been faced with a predicament where he has to choose which urinal to do his business at. I hate it when the urinals don't have the dividers between them and you hope the guy next to you isn't staring at your junk. I also hate when the only urinal available is the low one made for little kids and hobbits. And what is with the ones that go all the way to the floor? I'm not a big fan of peeing on my shoes. You also have to watch out for the random splatter affect that boggles the minds of scientists. You will start peeing and all of a sudden it mysteriously shoots back at you. The number one urinal rule is: if I'm holding my dick don't talk to me. That's a big no-no. For some reason some of you guys out there think it's okay to make idle chitchat at the urinal but you are incorrect. The only acceptable time is when you are both washing your hands and/or drying them. Please follow all rules of urinal etiquette. You will not be asked a second time.

This contains all the answers to your questions.

Hi, thanks for joining in the antics. This blog is full of random humor and sexy pics of my ferret. Okay, that last part isn't true because I don't have a ferret but If I did I would definitely share those pics with you. If you have come for some cheese, it is currently on back order. I have a ton of crackers if you're interested. Please like my page on Facebook and follow me on Twitter, if you don't than I can't brag to my grandma about being more popular than her. If you want to contact me please email me at reviewsyoucantuse@gmail.com.