Ask Margo

Ask Margo: Living with suspicious minds — is he cheating or not?

Saturday, 06 August 2011 00:42
— By Margo, Special To L.A. Beat

Q- I am pretty sure my boyfriend is cheating on me but I am not positive.

He has come home late at night a few times after being out with certain single guy friends of his. I don’t really trust his friends because it feels like they are his friends and will never be mine unless it is just to keep the peace.

He is also acting weird around his phone, not answering calls when I am around and no longer leaving the phone around the house. I really didn’t see this coming and don’t know what to do. It makes me really, really, angry to think about him cheating, and since I don’t know for sure I can’t express any of this to him, yet I wish he knew what was going on in my mind.

I think he has an idea something is up, because things have been different between us, but then I don’t know if I caused that to happen by being so suspicious. What do I do? Should I wait and see what happens or do I drive myself crazy wondering?

A- Living in suspicion sucks and is not worth doing unless you are going to do something about it. Is it possible for you to give him the benefit of the doubt and let your suspicions go? If not, here are some of your options for action: 1) You could talk to him.

Let him know that you are feeling a little uneasy about him staying out so late and ask him if there is anything he wants to talk about. He will likely know what you are driving at, and if he cares about you, and is faithful, will be eager to soothe your worried mind.

Ask Margo: Don’t speak — know when to hold your tongue

Saturday, 30 July 2011 14:05
— by Margo, Special to L.A. Beat

Q: I’m friends with a girl who acts like we are dating.

She flirts with me heavily in public and asks for favours that a boyfriend would do, but then says we are just friends. When we are alone she behaves like nothing happened and then talks about other men. She isn’t shy so she would tell me if she likes me.

I get convinced that she doesn’t until we are out together. The other night she was all over me and then all over some other guy the next minute. I know that we were all drinking but she does this kind of thing all the time. Do I come right out and ask her if she is into me, or should I just give up?

A: Give up what exactly? Being interested in her, or showing your interest? I bet that your friend already has a hunch that you are interested and keeps you that way because she enjoys – and not to mention benefits, from the attention you give her.

Asking her point blank about it will probably get you a wishy-washy answer.

Her behaviour indicates she is either not sure about her feelings for you, or is not interested in getting involved with you (or possibly anyone).

Ask Margo: Hit the ignore button (on your sister or your boss)

Saturday, 23 July 2011 16:42
— By Margo, Special To L.A. Beat

Q: What is the best way to deal with an ex-gf becoming your new boss? We broke up well, and still get along so far, but I can't shake the sneaking suspicion that she is being harder on me than the rest of the cast. Her notes have been more specific and she won’t let me get away with the stuff she lets other people get away with. My job is a very specific sought after job in the creative field and is the only paying job for a particular skill that I have which also happens to be my passion, so looking for another job is really not possible.

A: Your boss/ex probably is being harder on you. It could be because she doesn’t want to appear as though she favours you over anyone else.

Or it could be that because of your history, you happen to annoy the heck out of her, and she can’t help but to pick on you. Whatever the reason, if it’s not interfering with how well you can do your job, than do what most of us have to do when dealing with supervisors we don’t necessarily agree with: be polite and professional, even if you don’t want to.

If you really think she is hindering your performance then bring it up with her privately without making a big deal out of it. Be brief and to the point and try your darndest to not sound as though you are accusing her of anything.

If nothing changes after speaking with her, wait three months before revisiting the issue. Sometimes this kind of work problem goes away its own. People in new positions usually need time to adjust and settle into their roles. With a little bit of time she will probably stop with the nit-picking. It’s also possible that she is giving you these extra notes out of a different kind of special treatment. Perhaps she has a stronger interest in helping you succeed.

Are her notes useful and will you gain from this extra feedback? Try giving her the benefit of the doubt and stay patient. Oh and Mister, don’t forget to be joyful in your dream job. If your new boss, your co-workers, or friends catch you whining about this situation they may just slap you upside the head.

Q: Dear Margo, I have a problem, a problem with my sister. Someone who I am not especially close to at all anymore. It seems like every time I do something, she always has to do the same thing as well. Whether it be tattoos, piercings, going on a holiday, even the act of creating human life.

Ask Margo — Sometimes you never can tell if a woman likes you

Friday, 01 July 2011 23:01
— by Margo, Special To L.A. Beat

Q-How does a woman let you know that she likes you? I hear all these things about the signs they give when they’re interested. What are they? Can they be more clear? I’m absolutely clueless, a woman basically has to beat me over the head and drag me off to her place before I know she’s interested. But they shouldn’t have to do that, should they? Hope you can help. Thanks.

A- Sorry to say but outside of asking a woman out and gauging her reaction, I don’t think there is any reliable way to tell if a woman is interested. Even then you may not know and even after you go out with her, you still may not be able to tell.

She may not even know how she feels about you and to make things even more confusing, she may tease you to see how that feels and she may continue to do this until she figures out whether she digs you or not.

But if you google ‘how do you tell if a woman likes you’ you will get a tonne of results. Some will say that a woman’s interest will be obvious if you read her body language properly.

Ask Margo— mind the age gap

Friday, 24 June 2011 23:54
— by Margo, special to L.A. Beat

Q- Hey Margo, I don’t understand women, can you help me? First of all, when is a woman too young to date? When do age differences become a problem? Does age matter if you connect on almost every level, at least I think?A- A woman is too young to date is she is underage (obviously) or when one or both partners notice the age difference enough to be bothered by it.

For instance, you might feel a woman is too young for you when the things she says annoy the hell out of you, or embarrass you and/or when her friends look at you funny and you hear them mutter words like ‘creep’ or ‘perv’ when they think you can’t hear them.

It isn’t the age that matters; it’s how you make each other feel (she shouldn’t feel like she’s with someone who can’t keep up, and he shouldn’t feel like some dirty old man). Maturity level and life experience can vary from person to person, regardless of age, so some significantly age gapped partnerships can be very mutually satisfying.