Monday, June 24, 2013

*or the closest thing to it in the group of dudes I know"Let's say that there's an event and people around me get invited and I'm not invited. Some part of me will feel like a failure. How can you not? The real me knows that it's just an event, but doubt enters my mind about why I'm not there. Is it because I'm not good enough?"- Questlove, Mo' Meta Blues

I have a friend from high school who is living the life. Actually, I have a few friends from high school who are living the life but this guy is perhaps the closest in what people that are single would consider "the life." He travels a great deal, always is up for a good time, gets me involved in shenanigans so noteworthy I have to scroll through photos on my phone from the night before to gain an accurate view of what happened, Memento style*, and he is never without a pretty and/or cool lady around.

So, this guy but younger and blacker.

What always amazes me is the fact that he always contacts me to hang out when we are in the same town. I mean I used to be a real barrel of monkeys and can still be pretty chill but I'm DEFINITELY am a Triple-A player compared to his Yankees level party abilities. So, I think about it and what it means because, really, what better way to enjoy time with someone than to WAY over-think it and question yourself being in that moment? Or am I the only one?

Then I look at my other friends and see similar effects. If there is an event involving alcohol and music, then I get the call. It's like I'm the catalyst to up the ante or continue the party or break out "the shark fin."** Or be "the black guy at the party."

The flip side to this and what I have been noticing more recently is that I'm very rarely invited to just chill events or sometimes I don't even hear from my friends unless something is needed or a party is going down. This is due to a lot of factors I think, including but not limited to my friends getting married, having kids, working on life dream moves.... basically, a lot of things I think the world believes I should be doing at my age.*** And I understand. I totally get it. I understand if I'm not invited to the couples outing or people getting busy working on something that they don't just holler out of the blue.

It doesn't mean it's not frustrating or disheartening. I would like the random "wassup with you?" text, especially if you are just asking what is going on with me with no other reason behind it. For the most part, I'll probably respond and then ask you the same and you can complain/brag all you want afterwards anyway. I like to hear about people's lives, if they aren't boring as shite. Hell, I even like random e-mails that are funny; it at least tells me this person was thinking about something interesting/funny and thought about me.

I actually looked at my e-mails for the last week or so and after I cut out spam, e-mail blasts (do people still call them that?) and e-mail threads I started, I think I had maybe 2 e-mails from someone not wanting me to do something for them and just saying "hey" or "look at this."

This is reading as whiny to me but I do feel sort of forgotten at times and even if that isn't reality, the feelings still remain. I honestly don't mind being alone and sometimes appreciate but I also feel lonely during those moments when I think about my pals and how I don't hear from them in the same volume. People change and grow and evolve and live their lives. I get it. It just sucks a bit when you feel and fear that those people you care about are outgrowing you.

Okay. That was depressing and more sad at the end than I really feel. I don't age like Hancock but I'm sure someone would pick me up from a hospital. Preferably Charlize Theron. But that feeling of being a part of the world but separate and lonely at times? I get that.

Anyway, that's my sad sack moment for the night. I'm sure once I get busier and back on course about some things, I'll feel better. Don't cry for me, Internet. Just recognize that sometimes a friend just needs another friend to give them a shout for no reason. It makes them feel better and will probably do the same for you.

*I seriously only kind of remember the 2008 Election Night in LV and only pieced that together from phone pics.**Inside joke; sorry, I'll try not to do that again. It's too much to explain; well, not really but I'm just lazy about it right now.***I actually am trying on these fronts, trust me...except for the kid thing. Wrap it up, kids!

-socks
-3 pair of sneakers (one pair needs a thorough cleaning)
-underwear and t-shirts
-t-shirts with stuff on 'em
-khakis, lots of khakis
-4 or 5 pairs of jeans (but only like 2 I like to wear)
-2 nice shorts
-couple of b-ball shorts
-one pair of swimming trunks
-some dressy slacks, I think
-a giant pic of a drunken me that a friend took for one of his art projects
-3 or 4 USB flash drives
-non-working laptop with 2 (2!) working laptop cases
-books, a lot of books
-comic books, too many comic books
-a nice painting from a my best friend and his wife
-Kindle, again a gift from same friend (remind me to get him something nice when "I make it")
-lots of notebooks of various sizes with various things in them
-ripped wallet with business cards, MetroCards and not much cash
-beat up passport (which I REALLY need to renew)
-duffel bag
-2 pair of boots
-2 or 3 pair of shoes
-2 suit jackets (which might be too big or too small)
-4 or 5 hoodies
-3 or 4 jackets/coats
-sweaters, particularly a nice Mister Rogers-esque one which was a gift from a student
-4 or 5 sketchbooks
-2 or 3 bookbags
-little used weights (clarification- they aren't little in size, they are just not used as much as they should be)
-BlackBerry
-iRiver, which was very helpful during Sandy's landfall
-non-functioning camera (I really need a new one
-VAULTZ lockbox and contents (pics, dogtags, seashells, tickets stubs, etc.)
-slippers/sandals
-some DVDs (that I have to get back before this woman leaves town)
-Snuggie, blue, bright blue
-random little items (plastic gundam figure, little Buddha, sunglasses, RealD 3D glasses)
-baseball caps I don't wear (I still suck at pulling off that look)
-fancy hats, like 2
-pocket knife
-toothbrush
-electronic razor
-glasses because I am blind
- nail clipper with a Puerto Rican flag on it (???)
-2 or 3 bandanas
-random junk I can probably toss (papers with outdated/bad ideas, stolen memorabilia, stupid things I'll never use, old certificates, disks, etc.)