I Just Want to be Loved *Completed*

When Brittany's mum get's remarried, she got a surprises when she finds out who her new step brothers are. When she starts living with one of them and his friends, and starts 'dating' one of them, she starts to question herself. Was her life to complicated? What's going to happen when her past catches up with her? Will Louis ever tell her his secret? Are one of the boys going to fall for her? What will Liam do when she becomes known as 'Mummy Direction'? And most importantly, will the boys be understanding about her past and help her in the future?

57. Fewer Secrets

The boys and I were sitting at the dinner table on the top floor of the tour bus when I decided to ask them a question that I had been thinking about for a few days.

“Have you guys ever heard of a One Direction MPREG fan fiction?” I asked them and they all shook their heads.

“What is it?” Niall asked with a mouth full of spaghetti.

“Oh, you know, it’s just a fan fiction where one of you gets pregnant because you have a uterus attached to your arse,” I said as I casually took a sip of my water and the boys stared at me in shock. “Oh, and I forgot to mention that one of you guys have to have gay sex to get pregnant in these fan fictions.”

“W-What?” Liam stuttered after a moment.

“Are you serious?” Zayn added.

“Yep,” I said as I took a bite of my food.

“How did you find out about this?” Louis asked and I chucked at the look on his face.

“Meghan sent me a link to one of them that a fan tweeted her.”

“I never thought that there was anything else that the fans could do that could creep me out,” Niall muttered and continued eating.

“Agreed,” Harry said.

“Let’s change the topic to a less disturbing one,” Liam announced and the boys started talking about football, and since I had absolutely no interest in that what so ever, I completely ignored them and gave Danny his dinner.

.

.

.

.

.

*****

.

.

.

.

.

I woke up in my bunk and I felt terrible. My head hurt, my stomach hurt and I was covered in a layer of sweat. It was still dark outside so I’m guessing it was around three a.m.

I sat up and got out of my bed and I walked to the bathroom and throw up in the toilet, not bothering to turn the lights on yet. I turned the shower on and closed the door, and then I stripped and flicked the light switch. Since the lights hurt my eyes, I kept them closed as I got into the shower and sat on the floor since I was too weak to stand.

I leaned my head against the wall and I just let the water hit me as I gained enough strength to open my eyes, but when I did, I let out a little yelp when I saw the floor of the shower.

I was sitting in a pool of blood.

My eyes widened and I started breathing quickly.

“No, no no no no no no!” I whispered to myself. “No, everything is okay. Everything has to be okay.”

I put my hands on my stomach and I just knew that someone was wrong.

Tears started running down my face and I felt my energy level draining.

I used my last amount of energy to let out a little scream before I leaned my head against the shower wall and my eyes rolled into the back of my head.

.

.

.

.

.

*****

.

.

.

.

.

When I opened my eyes, I saw that I was in a hospital room.

I had a killer head ache and my stomach hurt terribly. I reached up and put my hand on my tummy, but it just felt empty. Then, I remembered what had happened.

I quickly reached up and pressed the nurses button on the side of the bed several times, and within a minute an old lady who was dressed as a nurse walked in.

“Hi,” she said sweetly. “I’m Littea. There’s a young man in the waiting room down stairs who has asked if he can be the one to talk to you about everything. He said that he was your boyfriend.”

“Okay,” I mumbled and nodded.

“I’m just going to go get him. He’ll be up here in a minute.”

“Okay,” I mumbled again and Littea turned around and walked out of the door, closing it behind her.

I rubbed my stomach and I noticed that there was a line going down the middle of it, but before I could figure out what it was, Louis walked in and he looked like a wreck.

His hair was messier than usual and he had bags under his eyes, which were puffy from crying.

“Brittany,” he said and walked over to me and gave me a hug. “I’m so sorry.”

I didn’t respond. All I did was scoot over in my bed and Louis crawled in and pulled me into another hug.

“I’m so sorry,” he repeated and I just nodded as I felt tears fall down my face.

“What happened?” I asked and I prayed that he was going to tell me that everything was okay, that the babies were fine, that I hadn’t had a miscarriage, but I could tell by the look on his face that things were not okay, that something terrible had happened.

“Brittany,” he started and kept his arms wrapped around me, “When we heard you scream and found you in the bathroom, it looked like you had just been murdered. There was so much blood. We took you to the nearest hospital and they took an ultrasound to see what happened an-and, Brittany, you had a miscarriage. The baby boy died.”

It took me a minute to process that. “What about the girl?” I asked through my tears.

“She’s okay. She’s perfectly okay, Brittany. But after the ultrasound they took you into surgery t-to get him out, and it was in one of those rooms where people are able to watch through a window to see what was happening and when they took out the baby,” Louis said and then took a deep breath before he finished his sentence, “Brittany, why didn’t you tell us that you were raped?”

“I didn’t want you to know,” I croaked.

“Why not?”

“I didn’t want you to think badly of me, and I felt that if you knew, you wouldn’t want to be with me because the babies might not have been yours. And now you know that they’re not.”

“The baby girl is,” Louis said and I pushed him back from the hug.

“What?”

“Our baby is still alive,” Louis said and rested one of his hands on my stomach. “The boy was black, but the girl was white. They even did a DNA test to make sure,” he told me with a small smile which I tried to return, but failed.

I just sunk into my bed and pulled the sheets around me. Louis laid down too and wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer to him. I turned my body so I was facing him and laid my head on his chest.

“What happened to him? What did I do that made him d-die?” I asked as my tears started to soak Louis’ shirt.

“You did nothing, Brittany. You did absolutely nothing wrong,” he replied as he stroked my hair.

“Then why did he die?” I asked and Louis just shook his head.

“The doctors don’t know. They said that he was perfectly healthy, but they just don’t know.”

“It’s my fault,” I said threw my tears. “I should’ve gotten more checkups. I should’ve been on more vitamins or medicines or other stuff. It’s all my fault,” I cried and Louis just tightened his grip around me.

“No, it’s not. I promise you that it’s not.”

“B-,” I started but Louis cut me off.

“Calm down,” he said and kissed my forehead. “Just go to sleep. It’ll all be better when you wake up.”

“Okay,” I told him and nodded as I shut my eyes.

.

.

.

.

.

*****

.

.

.

.

.

When I woke up, I was still in Louis arms.

“You awake?” he asked softly and I nodded.

“How long was I out?”

“About an hour.”

“I’m sorry I never told you,” I said to him suddenly and he frowned.

“It’s okay. I’m just kind of hurt that you told Harry and Paul but not me. Niall’s also hurt that you didn’t tell him, since he’s your step brother and all.”

“Well, if it makes you feel better, I didn’t even tell my mum,” I said and I wiped my tears off of my cheeks because I had been crying in my sleep.

“I know. When we called her and told her everything, she went into hysterics.”

“I should go and see her,” I told Louis and he nodded.

“I thought that you would feel that way. We’ve already booked you a ticket back home for tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” I told him and he nodded.

“The other boys really want to see you,” Louis said and I chuckled.

“You can tell them to come in if you want.”

“I will,” he said and gave me a soft kiss and then pulled out his phone and texted one of the boys.

A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door.

“Come in,” I said as I sat up, with the help of Louis, and the door opened to reveal four very distraught lads and an eight month old baby. “Hey,” I told them with a small smile which they returned.

“How are you?” Niall asked as he walked through the door first and up to my bed and gave me a hug.

“Better than I was earlier.”

“That’s good,” Zayn said and then nobody continued the conversation so we all just sat/stood there in slightly awkward silence for a few moments, and I guess that Louis just couldn’t take the silence.

“For the love of god! Someone say something!” he yelled right into my ear and I flinched and then we all started laughing.

“So, when do I get let out?” I asked the boys and they just shrugged. Just then, there was a knock on the door and a man in his early fifties walked in with a smile on him face and a little paper bag in his hand.

“Hi Miss Tom, I’m Dr. Nelson.”

“Hi,” I replied with a small smile.

“So, I take it that Louis here explained everything for you?” he asked and I nodded. “Okay, well, the scientific term is called Heteropaternal Superfecundation.”

“Okay,” I said nodding, pretending that that word made since to me.

“It’s where you have sex with two different men within twenty four hours, and both, in better terms, become the father to a baby.”

“Okay,” I said and nodded again, but this time I actually understood what he was talking about.

“We’ve prescribed you some anti-depressants since we know that none of this can be easy for you, and you can be released at any time,” the doctor said and put the paper bag on the table by my bed. “Also, the rest of your pregnancy should be normal, and you should have your stiches removed in fourteen days.”

“Thank you,” I told him, completely ignoring the fact that he mentioned stiches, and he gave me a quick nod and walked out.

“Do you want to leave now? You can stay longer if you want,” Louis said and I shook my head.

“No, I just want to get out of here. I’ve been in way to many hospitals in the past several months.”

“Yeah, what is this, like, the third time?” Liam asked and I nodded.

“I think, yeah,” I replied and then I thought of a question to ask the boys. “Do I have any clothes here?”

Niall lifted up a bag that I didn’t notice he was holding. “Yep,” he said.

“Okay, well, I’m going to go and get dressed, then I vote we leave,” I told the boys and they gave me a weird look. “What is it?” I asked.

“The place is kind of surrounded by paps and fan,” Harry informed me.

“So we’ve come up with a plan to get you out without you being screamed at,” Zayn added.

“And what’s that?”

“Okay, well, the five of us, and we’re counting Danny and not Niall, are going to walked out of the hospital with a pregnant looking girl in a wheelchair pretending to be you. Then we’re going to drive away and come back once most of them have left,” Liam explained and I nodded.

“Okay.”

Louis slipped out of my bed. “We’ll see you in an hour,” he said and gave me a kiss. “Call me if you need anything, okay?”

“Okay,” I replied and the boys filed out of the room leaving me with Niall.

“I’m going to go and get changed now,” I said and moved my legs over the side of the bed and stood up.

“Here,” Niall said and handed me the bag with clothes in it as I walked towards the bathroom.

“Thanks,” I replied and took it and closed the door.

I when I was dressed, I walked over to the mirror and I slid up my shirt. I felt tears in my eyes at what I saw.

There was a line going down the middle of most of my rounded stomach, and it was stitched up.

‘These are the stiches that the doctor was talking about,’ I thought to myself.

I ran my hand down them softly and I flinched because it stung slightly.

“Ow,” I muttered and I wiped my eyes.

I stayed in the bathroom for a few more minutes as I thought to myself about what was going to happen in the future, which pretty much turned into me having a silent conversation with myself.

‘I will not let the boys see this affect me. I will act like everything is okay. I’m going to try my hardest to pretend like everything is fine. That I’m okay. I will not let the boys see me cry. I will not let Meghan, Jake, Lyndsey, or anyone see me be bothered my any of this. The only person I will cry in front of is Mum. She is the only one I will let see me cry.’

‘Brittany,’ I said to myself a few moments later, ‘no, you can’t hide things from the boys. They don’t hide things from you.’

‘But then again, you always keep things to yourself. You hate bothering people with your problems.’

‘Okay, so, Harry,’ I thought slowly, ‘I’ll tell Harry my problems if he’ll let me. When we were FuckBuddies we would talk to each other about everything and he already knows practically everything about me. I’ll just tell Harry everything.’

‘But shouldn’t I tell Louis? He is my boyfriend after all.’

‘No. No, I can’t let Louis think I’m crazy.’

‘But I am slightly crazy.’

‘And he deserves way better than me.’

‘But we’re having a kid together.’

‘Okay, stop it Brittany,’ I told myself. ‘It’s just going to be Harry we talk to.’

‘Okay, that’s a lie. I’m probably going to break and tell someone else eventually, but let’s just start out with just telling Harry.’

‘Other then that, I will act okay. I’ll act like nothing is bothering me.’

‘But most importantly, I will not cut.’

‘No matter how bad everything is, I will not cut.’

‘Louis won’t love a person who massacres their own body.’

‘I will not cut.’

‘I will not cut.’

‘I will not cut.’

I kept thinking those words to myself until I heard a slight knock on the bathroom door.

“Brittany?” I heard my step brother ask. “Are you okay? You’ve been in there for a while.”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I replied and opened the bathroom door and walked out. “I was just thinking.”

“Oh, okay. The boys said that the plan worked and that the crowd is starting to leave, so we’ll be heading down to the lobby in a few minutes.”

“Okay,” I told him and I sat back down on my bed repeating the same sentence over and over until I left the room.