Confusion and Chaos

…..and I’m not talking in the material/literal sense. I’m talking about Confusion and Chaos in the emotional/mental sense.

A sociopath has an innate ability to create such mental and/or emotional chaos in us. They use their verbal warfare communication!! They can say the sweetest of things one minute and then Dr.Jekyll and Mr. Hyde us in the next with a litany of some words I had never heard. They can tell us in one minute how ‘beautiful, special, kind, loving, perfect‘ etc. we are, and in the next ‘damn us to hell’ for being so UN-kind, insensitive, lacking in moral character etc. This roller coaster of verbal attacks leaves us reeling in mental chaos.

And in this state of Confusion And Chaos , we begin to question ourselves. Are we really all of those horrific things the sociopath called us? Are we really that UN-kind, UN-caring? Do we really lack in moral character? The answer is emphatically NO!!

When we share something in our past with the sociopath, they file this information away, only to be used at a later date. This ‘later date’ is when the first stages of confusion & chaos begin. You know exactlywhat you had told the socio, say about a good friend. The socio will then take what yousaid about that person, and turn it around into ‘your just like so & so, you act just like so & so’.Or maybe you shared a story about a co-worker with the socio, who once again, takes that and can turn it into ‘i know you want to fuck so and so.’ ‘You 2 deserve to work together, your both the same’. Or even worse if you had told the socio about someone you dated and/or was married to in your past! They will tell you ‘why your no longer with the ex’ and twist and turn it into you second guess (is that i what i actually told him)???This was an innocent conversation early on with the sociopath, who is now taking all his profile building knowledge and using it as ammunition to cause complete confusion and chaos in our minds. This is how they function~in this perpetual state!

Once you are able to get out from under the dark {spell} of your sociopath, you will then be able to listen, with a clear head, at how they have taken pretty much everything you ever told them and turn it into utter nonsense. Even though, you know, with 100% certainty that you had never told the socio {the story} as it is now being thrown back at you! And if you try and deny it~you are thrown into another tailspin of bullshit about a different person. And worse yet, if you dare laugh while they are in the middle of their dissertation about ‘everything you have ever done wrong in your life’, they will then start to mock you! They will stare at you with that evil empty look.

All of this Confusion And Chaos makes us wonder……how did we even have a normal conversation in the very beginning with this person?!?! Because while we were falling in love, they were building their supply source. While we were thinking about long-term, they were thinking ‘what can i gain’. Because we can feel reallove,they cannot. We can rationalize, whereas most sociopath’s have an inability to~this falls into another trait of entitlement.

As hard as it is not to want to argue back and tell your sociopath to go straight to hell, you have to take the higher ground. In the end, YOU know Who And What You Are! You do not need someone so emotionally disconnected to tell otherwise!

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I don’t know if its me or him. I’m so confused and just want to cry at times. I was with a guy, for years and to find out he is gay. Now he is the one calling me a narc. Makes me question myself over and over again. I think I’m a good person

Wow. I thought I was so alone in this. I’m not crazy. I was told that I did not hear what I heard, I did not see what I saw, I did/did not say what I did/did not say. I was told I was bi-polar, crazy, that I “make shit up” in my head. He would tell me something and in the same conversation deny saying it. And he didn’t just say this to me; he would tell his “friends” the same thing. He didn’t just lie to me, he told lies about me, he bad-mouthed me to his “friends”. His friends never wanted to meet me.

And yes, everyone in is life had wronged him; nothing was his fault, he was always the victim. The only person who was not bad or wrong was whoever his current “best” friend was. And that “best” friend was always female, and something always seemed to happen to that “best” friend and they were not friends anymore; suddenly there was something wrong with that “best” friend.

There were so many lies I didn’t know what to believe anymore. And his lies were always my fault. I thought I was going crazy. I thought there was something wrong with me.

Listening to you is like living my life story! If their lips are moving, they’re lying. My soon to be ex of 10 years bad mouthed me to everyone including his family. There were times where walking into his mother’s home was like walking naked at the South Pole!!!!!! His best friends were female and just like you, they would disappear! Most likely from him flirting with them or making propositions and them knowing he had a wife…………..Mine is gone and life is getting better each day! I still struggle at times, but will never go back!

1. Obsessed with power and money.
2. He thought he was smarter than everyone else.
3. Called his coworkers idiots daily
4. No real contact with family
5. Blamed everyone else for his shortfalls
6. Exs were not equal to him…crazy
7. Stealing my money…writing false checks with my name for his “business”
8. Rages against me verbally
9. Then silent treatments for days…now weeks
10. I was always to blame
11. I was selfish when I stopped giving him money
12. Pathological liar

Yes, I believe I was with a narc. I put him out my house and have gone NC!!

Thank you Meka for your comment and your ‘list’ of traits. Please continue the No Contact, even though I know how difficult it is. Keep referring back to your ‘list’ as to why you do not need or want him in your life 😀

There is no point to arguing with the narcissistic sociopath. My mother has NEVER been wrong in her life and the word sorry has never crossed her lips. One would have to have a conscious which they do not have.

I still doubt myself some days and think can people really be like this? Why? Why would one person do this to another? But I’m only 2 weeks into realising my on/off bf is everything everybody describes and 3 years into my hell (first 2 years were bliss) everything makes sense now i know what a personality disorder looks like & lucky for me i knew 2 years ago something wasn’t quite right with him but even though i didnt know what i still started to let go…if he would let me. We have a 2,1/2yo boy he likes to use as a weapon & im the nastiest person in the world for giving him 2 options: option 1: regular consistent contact – without me or option2: no contact! Anyway we are still playing his games only im over the hurt & the whys and i dont want revenge i just want him to see he will get nothing & move on (no contact from me is impossible as he is relentless & will phone/text/visit work/home with my son as excuse) but I’m also having a bit of fun by ending any contact by calling him a fruitcake 😝 he knows i know what he is ( i posted a few pages public on facebook & know he saw them) of course it will not be discussed which that it itself completly freaks me out but again confirms what i already know..,

I hate that empty look….. I’ve seen it so many times, I can’t even begin to tell you. I think we were with the same guy…. In reading your blog, I feel like we are the same person – in that, every word, every sentence are the things that happened/happen to me, and describe his M.O. to a tee. I am an educated woman, I can’t believe how stupid I am!

Kristen! You are by no means ‘stupid’….I, like you, am an educated, financially stable woman. You can relate to these post’s because they ‘are the same guy’, difference is, their faces and where they come from are different. Meaning~ every single Sociopath, Narcissist has the same agenda…search and destroy. Please get the self negative thoughts out! you loved, freely, and by choice. They are incapable.

Just want to say I reacted the same as you did when I started reading about the sociopath life…I could have written it myself.
I said exactely the same words as you:”How could I ‘ve been so stupid??”considering myself to be a intelligent woman.
Reading this blog and reconizing so much was kind of a relief for me and confirmation that it was him not me.
Keep reading KNOWLEDGE IS POWER it helped me becoming the person I am today…stronger, wiser, damaged but not broken,loving myself and my life!
Don’t stop believing in yourself your stronger than you’ve ever amagined…