Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Scenes from the poll.

Yesterday, the 2010 Pennsylvania primary took place -- and hooray for the fact that "Snarlin'" Arlen Sphincter went down like a bargain-basement hooker during Fleet Week! Voting days are always good for hijinks and douchebaggery.

In this case, I strolled down to the polls around 9:30. I was voter #44. The woman a couple of people in front of me was Of Interest.

I should note that PA has a closed primary system. You must be registered as a Dem or Repub to vote in the primary. Independents can vote int he fall general, but for the primaries, they are shit out of luck. (We also have a "sore loser" law -- if you fuck your primary go, you are not allowed to pull a Crist and say, "NYAH! I'm running as an Interdependent and keeping all your donations anyway!"

The Woman of Interest reached the ballot table, and the polling attendant asked the salinet question: "D or R?" WoI huffily replied, "I am an Independent!"

Poll Attendant politely explained things as I laid them out above, and told WoI to come back in November to vote in the General. This was clearly unacceptable, and WoI proceeded to throw an epic bitch fit -- beyond hissy and well into conniption; her rights were being abrogated, the polling attendants were criminals, the Judge of Elections was a shithead (which actually, he is -- but that's irrelevant to her situation) and the police that were summoned were fascists! She was going to file a complaint with the county, state and federal authorities, the UN, the Hague and possibly the Reptile Overlords from Alpha Seti VI.

She paraded out in a cloud of righteous indignation, and voting continued apace. As I was finishing my ballot and running it through the machine, she reappeared and rather sheepishly produced a Voter registration card, which clearly marked her as a registered (wait for it) Dem.

"But I am very Independent-minded!" she asserted as she collected her ballot amid much eye-rolling. As I walked out, the filter between my internal commentary and my "out loud" voice dropped like a lead shield (this happens a lot) and out of my mouth dropped, "Well, the important thing is you got to cause a scene and were the center of attention for a bit. I'm sure it makes up for all the times daddy ignored your pleas for a pony, or some such crap."