Ask Amy Amy Dickinson

ASK AMY AMY DICKINSON

January 3, 2006|ASK AMY AMY DICKINSON

Dear Amy: I am 17 and planned to go to college, but I recently found out that I am pregnant.

My family is very traditional, devout Catholics. They want me to marry my boyfriend (the baby's father), but I have noticed in the six-month interim that I no longer have sexual feelings for him whatsoever. In fact, since getting pregnant, I no longer have any sexual feelings at all.

I have begun investigating "asexuality," and I have found that I meet most of the criteria.

Should I go through with the marriage despite my misgivings? -- Super Stressed in Seattle

Dear Super Stressed: I can't tell from here if you are asexual, but I can tell you this: Being 17, pregnant and rushing into a marriage is enough to crush a person's libido into little pieces.

I suggest that your situation, your hormones and your anxiety are affecting your sexual feelings, and I don't think you should worry about it too much right now.

Sometimes when people are under extreme duress, we will seize on something to worry about that is sort of beside the point but easier to dwell on than our other stresses.

If you went to see a therapist, she would ask you to talk all about your feelings regarding sexuality, because that's on top of your list of questions.

It would help so much for you to talk to a neutral adult about this.

So many women have walked in your shoes and have done very well in life, raising terrific kids and continuing with their education, despite the odds -- and with lots of support. I know about these women because they share their stories with me -- and I share them with my readers.

I don't want to duck your basic question of whether you should marry your boyfriend, so I'll say that my point of view is that it's not a good idea to enter into a marriage because you feel you don't have any other options.

You and your boyfriend have many decisions to make, and it's time to start making them. Start at the top of the list, and work your way through it. You can do it.