Why You Lie (to yourself)

Can I Be Honest With Me?

An extraordinarily helpful attribute, if you’re on a path of healing and growth, is self-honesty. It’s also one of the most difficult. In fact, it’s nearly impossible, especially at first, to look at ourselves honestly.

I know what you’re thinking. Why, I’m honest with myself, definitely. No, you’re really not. None of us are, a lot of the time. People don’t generally have the kind of self honesty I’m talking about, even me, and even you.

So why is that? Doesn’t it seem like human beings, with the intellect to build computers, compose symphonies and perform microsurgery, would be able to think clearly about ourselves?

Strange as it may seem, it’s actually our intellect that keeps us from being self honest. Oh sure, we can be honest about some things. We can admit to ourselves that we have ten toes, live in Pasadena, and drive a Ford. We can be honest about those things because we probably don’t feel too bad about them.

But when it comes to things we might be ashamed of, things we might not want other people to know, things that might frighten us or make us sad, we’re super good at hiding the truth from ourselves. One word for it is denial. You know, that thing that isn’t a river in Egypt.

In order to be in denial, we have to have at least considered or touched on what we’re hiding from ourselves. If you haven’t, you’re not in denial. You might be in avoidance though. Perhaps you’re avoiding asking yourself some difficult, and potentially troubling questions. You may have never made the effort to ask yourself the question, “why”. Why am I repeatedly getting into trouble in the same way? Why do people seem upset with me so often? Why do I feel upset with myself? These are the kinds of questions that would be asked by someone on the path to becoming conscious. Someone ready to explore self honesty.

The thing these good questions have in common, is the “I”. Not why are they such a pill, why are they so angry, why are they always giving me a hard time. They questions are OK, and can be informative. They questions can be interesting, and can make you feel better, mostly because they questions take your mind off of yourself and your own discomfort. But “they” questions are what you might call “psychology lite”, and don’t get us very far when it comes to our own deeper healing and growth.

And that leads us to the reason our intellect keeps us from being self honest. It’s the discomfort. We humans hate being uncomfortable, and will devise any way possible to try and avoid it. It’s a built in part of our nature, and it helps us survive. All forms of intelligent life are designed to avoid discomfort, and seek comfort. And we humans evolved the best equipment ever for doing that – our ego.

Our ego goes to extraordinary lengths to help us gain comfort in a multitude of ways. And it works in conjunction with our creative intelligence — our intellect — to help us avoid the uncomfortable. It does this on an automatic basis, a little like the thermostat on your air conditioning system. When things get too warm, it kicks in. Unless of course we do something intentional, something conscious, to override it.

When your thermostat kicks in, it can employ a variety of strategies. Denial, which we already spoke about, is one of them. Avoidance, distraction, making up stories, shifting blame, getting spacey, having a tantrum, dramatization, additive patterns of all kinds, pretending not to care, becoming stoic, getting angry, being analytical or staying in our head, becoming catatonic… all of these are examples of the things we can do, when something inside of us is uncomfortable to face.

Our ego will help us avoid looking at uncomfortable stuff, or worse, feeling it, and even find ways of walling it off inside of us, until that stuff goes completely unconscious, and we forget what was uncomfortable in the first place. At that point, we find ourselves stuck in addictive or compulsive patterns of behavior, and can’t seem to figure out what’s keeping us stuck.

It’s a pickle. And once you’re in that particular kind of pickle brine, it’s pretty much impossible to get out by yourself.

That’s one of the best reasons to see counselors and therapists. A counselor or therapist, if they are skillful and talented, can help you discover what it is within you that you’ve been avoiding seeing and feeling. If they’re on the ball, they will create an atmosphere for you where you feel safe enough to begin to explore those areas. Not to intellectualize about them, not even so much to understand them. But to look at them and begin to let them go. That’s where true self-honesty begins.

Once we get in the habit of looking at the uncomfortable stuff inside of us, and letting it go, it gets a little easier to do. Also, once we let some of it to, there’s less of it, so we get a little less uncomfortable. Also, we start to get into trouble less often. Life gets better, when we get self honest. But it does take some time and effort, and we do have to go through some uncomfortable feelings along the way. But if those are inside of us, we might as well deal with them, and get free.

The uncomfortable stuff within us doesn’t really need to be analyzed much. It just needs to be looked at, made OK, and let go. But we can’t do that without first becoming self honest, and that often means asking ourselves some difficult questions. Those questions can often begin with the words, “What is it within me”. Those are really good questions to ask.

Kind Words

“I’ve known Max Highstein for several years now, and he has helped me immeasurably in my own emergence as a spiritual teacher, and as a person. He’s someone I feel I can call to address issues that are difficult for me to get to.

As a spiritual teacher, healer and facilitator myself, I know how important it is to keep myself expanding and keep myself releasing all that is old and no longer supporting me.

Max has a unique capacity for hooking me up with my guides, my angels, my support on high, and helping me get through these difficult issues that I’m facing. He really stays with me the whole time, and in his way of going deeper and deeper with me he allows me to open the book of my life in a way that helps me tremendously.

My gratitude to him for my life and my life and my work is immeasurable, and I’m glad to be doing this testimonial for him. Thank you.”

Client names are withheld for privacy.

Testimony From A Spiritual Teacher

“I can’t tell you how grateful I am. You tuned right into the issues I’m confronting. Some of what you delivered was practical… Some of it was deeply energetic. I feel lighter than air!”

Lighter than air

“I’ve been to a lot of people and seemed to get nowhere. But you went right to the core issue I’m dealing with, and made it clear to me so I can work with it. Thank you so much!”

Core Issues

“Where I’m at in my life right now [student in medical school], I couldn’t have accomplished these things by myself. I needed help, and looked for somebody to help me — I didn’t know who… and you came there. You coming into my life changed my life. I can’t thank you enough for what you taught me.

“You taught me to forget about what’s going on in my head, and get into my heart. Just sit there and just feel. To get rid of negativity and the tapes that play in your mind, telling you things that are negative, and not true. I’m now able to get past that, and accept all those loving thoughts, those positive thoughts.

“It’s an awesome way to feel and an awesome way to live, when you’re no longer trapped by your own thoughts and your own misery. And I thank you, Max, every single day.”

No Longer Trapped by Negative Thoughts

“I’ve been working with Max for about 6 months now, and I came to Santa Fe from Canada around that time period.

Max was someone who was able to help me with both mundane problems and greater spiritual questions that I have. For example, after I moved into my place, there was an armed robbery about a block away from me, and Max was able to help me deal with the fear and the anger and confusion about that; and reframe it in a way that was less emotional and help me move on from that experience.

Max has also been able to help me move away from constant intellectualizing and get more in touch with my body and specifically my heart, and that has open up paths to my intuition that I wasn’t even aware of.

And finally, since Max is a spiritual based counselor, I’m able to concentrate more on some of the bigger questions I have about life and he’s helped me move away from some of the sad, ancient stories of my life into a more positive energy.”

Mundane Problems to Big Spiritual Questions

“Today I had a session with max and it was incredible. It was so supportive and loving, and I feel much more like myself after the session. I feel grounded, I feel really expanded.

What Max told me in the session was very right on, very accurate for what I needed to hear at this time in my life, and during this transition that I’m going through in starting my own business. Max really got clearly and accurately what I needed to hear, and told me the things that are going to be essential for me and for my growth right now.

Max did some energy work for me at the end of the session, and it was really a great experience. It felt so loving… he just really knows what to do, and is very gifted and talented at what he does. And so I highly recommend Max for intuitive counseling and energy work.”

Client names are withheld for privacy.

Essential Information & Energy Work

“I so appreciated our session. The messages gave me such a sense of “yes”, which after stumbling in the dark for so long is pretty significant and affirming. Now I have movement and direction.”

Movement & Direction

I feel extremely fortunate to have had the opportunity to work with Max, from a professional level and obviously from a personal level.

Max has a unique and powerful way of helping me and teaching me how to get to the core of any issue. And what I mean by that is that he has taught me how to connect deeply with myself, with my heart.

So that the work we do is actually from the inside, going out. And what that allows for an incredibly empowering position for me, because then regardless of whatever circumstances come up, I’m able to work through it and connect with my heart. And for that I’m extremely grateful.

Heart Centered Empowerment

“I’ve been a client of Max Highstein’s for about 3 years. For about 4 decades before I met Max I did a lot of reading, seminars, and spiritual practices, all in an attempt to get back to being who I think I really am. But until I met Max, I didn’t really think I was getting anywhere.

Max has an incredible intuitive nature, and remarkable spiritual knowledge. Having a session with Max was like being with my best friend — someone who I know loved me, didn’t judge me, and always told me the truth.

Since seeing Max I now feel like I’m on the path to becoming my authentic self. So I highly suggest that if you have any life issues, or feel stuck in any way that you get in touch with Max and have a session. Thank you.”

Becoming My Authentic Self

“Thank you so very much for the session. A deep healing has taken place and things are beginning to flow again. ‘Toxic junk’ is disappearing and balance is being restored.”

Balance Restored

“I want to thank you for being an extraordinary teacher and healer in what has been the most unusual journey of my life. Honestly, I am quite certain I would not have made the strides toward true inner peace that I have, without your wise and compassionate help.”