Journeying towards Him, one day at a time

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One of the most common clichés of all time right? Right. It’s short, simple, and when overused, we sometimes stop realising the true meaning of it….it’s truth.

On January 2nd, I lost a friend. 30 years young. And although we stayed in contact, I haven’t seen her in 7 years. We lived about 50km apart, and every time she wanted us to get together, I always had an excuse. There will always be next time right? Wrong. The next time I would see her, was at her funeral. Her passing made me realise, that time should not be taken for granted. No one knows how much time we have left.

Over the past two months, there has been very few days when I scrolled my facebook feed, and didn’t come across a young life that was tragically lost. Young people. People like us. People who have their whole lives ahead of them, who has all the time in the world to chase their dreams. But they never had that time, none of us do. It’s an illusion. Our lives are short. We think we really grasp this but we don’t. It should terrify us, as it terrifies me sometimes in the stillness of the night, when it seems no one else is terrified but me!

Every day, that we are given, is a gift. Regardless of your religious beliefs or lack thereof, our time on earth is limited. Nothing is guaranteed. Nothing is permanent. We spend time and money as though we’ll always be here. We buy shiny things as though they’re worth the stress of attachment. We put off the “once in a lifetime” activities/adventures/trips because we believe we’ll be around next year to do it. We don’t tell the ones we love how much we love them often enough because we assume there’s always tomorrow. And we fear. Oh, do we fear. We stick it out in miserable jobs and situations because we’re afraid of the risk of stepping out. We don’t reach high enough or far enough because we’re worried we’ll fail, forgetting – or never realising – that it’s better to fail spectacularly while reaching for the stars than it is to succeed at something we never really wanted in the first place.

We think we’ve got forever and that these concerns that weigh us down are so pressing. We worry about the trivial, to the neglect of the most precious thing we have: moments we’ll never see again. We talk of killing time, passing time, and getting through the week, forgetting we’re wishing away the moments that comprise our lives. We say time is money when in fact the time we have is ALL we have. Money can be borrowed, time can’t. We fear taking risks, unaware that the biggest risk we run in playing it safe is in fact living as long as we hope and never doing the things we dreamed of. And then it’s too late. We watched our favourite TV shows, we fought a losing battle with our weight, we picked up the guitar once in a while and never quite started the spanish language course we wanted to do. We managed to get a large flatscreen and new cars once in a while, but the list of things we would have done if we could really, truly could have done anything, kept growing. And we never did them.

Life is short. Don’t just exist, Live! Treasure every moment. Tell the people you love that you love them. Be aware of who and what you spend your time on. Make the most of every day. Lastly….be thankful that you’re alive, and that you have another day to live your best life.

Apparently we’re all supposed to celebrate the fact that an average-sized woman will appear in this year’s Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition.

I’m told it’s some kind of triumph that, of the many women pointlessly objectified on the pages of a magazine that’s supposed to be about sports, one will be somewhat heavier than all the others. Sexism is so deeply woven into the fabric of sports in America that this, incredibly, is meant to represent progress.

Never mind that this year’s cover model, in addition to being exactly the size you’d expect her to be, is also waxed to within an inch of her life. Never mind that only average-sized model in the magazine appears not as part of an editorial layout but in an ad. Never mind that both women appear to have been liberally airbrushed, unless you believe neither of their bodies has a single stray hair, birthmark…

Now I’m not saying that no terrorists believe in Islam, but I am saying this; not all terrorists are people of Islamic faith, they are not all Muslims, and the religious beliefs espoused by the Islamic faith do not condone terrorist action. PhD M Amir Ali asserts that terrorist actions are condemned in the Quran and that it is also asserted that such action should be met by severe punishment. When we see terrorism enacted by individuals claiming they are doing so in the name of Islam it is important to keep in mind that these people are in the minority; they are extremists, they do not represent the belief of their religious community as a whole. These actions are not sanctioned by Islam; media coverage and fear mongering encourage us to see such terrorist actions as representative of a religion…

It’s almost that time of the year, where I bid farewell to me being just 30 and saying hello to “30-something”. I remember my pre thirty meltdown I had last summer. (Looking back, I think I was just a tad bit too over dramatic). With that being said, this year, I’m embracing this change of age thing. I am not anywhere close to where I thought I would be at this age, or wanted to be. However, I do believe, that I’m right where I should be.

A week ago, I’ve decided to write down what are life lessons to me, that I’ve learned over my 31 years of life. This was way easier than I thought it would be, given that most of these lessons were really learned in the past year.

1. We must love….with all your heart. If you’re afraid to love because you might get hurt, then you might as well not live because you are going to die. Love is beautiful and free.

2. Love is not enough. It’s important to not just love, but also show love. The people we love needs to see it as much as they need to feel it.

3. Forgive not just the people who has hurt us, but forgive yourself. For past mistakes, past regrets. We would not be who we are had we not made those mistakes. If God can forgive us, why can’t we forgive ourselves.

4. Happiness is Internal “Happiness is a journey, not a destination; happiness is to be found along the way not at the end of the road, for then the journey is over and it’s too late. The time for happiness is today not tomorrow.” ~ Quoted by Paul H Dunn [read more]

5. Value family I might have not had the opportunity to choose them, but we are perfectly placed together. We have disagreements, we are all unique in our ways, but this bunch of people are the only ones who are going to be there for you when no one else will be. Cherish them.

6. Treasure friendships/relationships these people are my family, with no blood relations. They’re the people I don’t have to see every weekend to keep our friendship alive, and when we do see each other, nothing has changed, the friendship has not struggled because of time not spent together.

7. Quality over quantity I’ve learned that when it comes to friends, I’ve learned that less is more. A few close friends offer more support than a crowd of acquaintances. There are only a handful of friends I keep close to my heart and who truly understand and support me without a trace of judgment. Anyone else usually just joins me for happy hour. I don’t really need no new friends….

8. Give generously My dad always said to us, “Give with your right hand, in such a way that the left hand doesn’t even know”. Give with your heart, no one needs to know how much you do or for whom.

9. Energy is palpable be the positive! Have you ever met someone who is so negative, that you can feel your energy being drained when they speak, or a person who such a great aura to to them, that you can feel life being blown into you with every word that they utter? Be that person. Think only positive thoughts, and speak only positive words.

10. Define Success on your own terms ignore the standard one-size-fits all approach and live from a place of truth and knowing. Success might mean money or power to some. That doesn’t necessarily have to define your success. To me, true success means finding and living out my unique life’s purpose.

11. Take care of your health now, or prepare for illness later. Truth is, all the money in the world cannot buy more or new health. It’s our one principal capital asset, invest in it wisely.

12. Not everyone will like you, and if they do, they’re not necessarily your friend.

13. I am not the center of the universe, it’s incredibly difficult to think about the world from a perspective other than our own. We are always worried about what’s going on in our lives. What does my schedule look like today? What if I lose my job? Why am I overweight? Why am I not happy with my life? What did I do to deserve this? If you can consciously remove yourself – remove your perspective – from a situation, then you can see the world through a different set of eyes. Thus, the world can take on a different meaning.

14. Do not carry the past with you. It has everything to do with forgiveness. Carrying this burden with you, does nothing but weigh you down. It makes you a bitter person. You have the choice to let it go, or letting it haunt you for the rest of your days.

15. It’s Ok to not be Ok No, really, it is Ok. I know bad days don’t last forever, so it’s Ok to have an off one.

16. Embracing Silence is a way of developing a deeper connection with yourself and with others. Shut off the phone more, turn down the radio volume, or simply spend more time listening instead of talking.

17. Be thankful….. for everything. Count your blessings, and by blessings I don’t mean material possessions.

18. Live in the moment, the here and now, that is all that is guaranteed right? We have no assurance of waking tomorrow.

19. How you speak of others is how you feel about yourself. In fact, your perception of the entire world echoes how you feel about your own life. If you have nothing good to say about others, then best keep quiet.

20. Never go to bed angry with your partner. A piece of advise that came from my mum. And I fully agree with it. No argument or difference should be carried overnight. Clean out each day as it comes along, so when you shut your eyes at night, everything has been cleaned up. Life is precious….and uncertain.

21. Slow down! What’s the rush anyway. Life moves at such a fast pace that it seems to pass us by before we can really enjoy it. Slowing down is a conscious choice, and not always easy, but it leads to a great appreciation for life and a greater level of happiness.

23. Don’t do things you don’t like just to please someone else or because everyone else is doing it. I hate watching movies at a cinema. It’s cold, uncomfortable and dark. I don’t go because I don’t like it. However, if there’s a movie I really, really want to watch, I make the sacrifice.

24. Have a bucket list and as you scratch items off, add new ones

25. The power of prayer. Never underestimate the power of prayer. Regardless of your religion, or manner in which we pray, every day should be started in prayer.

26. Learn to say No! True freedom is experienced when we’re able to say no without feeling guilty. Stop being the people pleaser by committing to more than you’re aware of.

27. Live simply. Simple? no, not that simple. Living simply is paring away – stuff, obligations, expectations, people. It’s removing all the glut and rubble from your life, making space in your house, your heart, your brain and your life for exactly and only what you need. It’s getting down to the core of things and returning to a way of living that most of us can only vaguely remember; pleasures that don’t cost tons of money, rewards you don’t have to buy in stores, amusements that don’t require a screen.

28. Turn off the TV and read a book. In the Last Lecture Dr. Randy Pausch makes mention of how TV is mankind’s greatest time-waster. Cut your Tv time in half and start making time to do the things you love. Read a book instead. Not only do you stimulate your brain, but you learn more about things that interest you. No better place to find inspiration than in the pages of a book.

29. Judging people is harmful….to me. We do or have done this from time to time. I have now just become better at noticing when I’m doing it. What I’ve found is that when I waste my time on judging people, I am robbing myself from enjoying my here and now. Judging becomes harmful to me because in judging others; I’m ignorant of what the person is going through, I have unrealistic expectations of people, I think I’m superior to other’s. When I’m overcome with these feelings, it stops me from judging, sort of keeps me grounded.

30. Enjoy your own company and you will never be lonely. I enjoy my own company now more than I have ever before. I recall seeing people having lunch by themselves and always felt sorry for them….for being alone. I now realise what a privilege it is to be at that point of comfort with yourself, where sitting down to a cup of tea, in a crowded cafe is absolutely normal.

31. I’m still trying to figure it all out…And while I do that, I will live life beautifully

“Happiness is a journey, not a destination; happiness is to be found along the way not at the end of the road, for then the journey is over and it’s too late. The time for happiness is today not tomorrow.” ~ Quoted by Paul H Dunn

This is a lesson I’ve learned quiet late in my life, but all too grateful that I did. I’ve been searching everywhere for something that was right inside of me. I just needed to have my windows cleaned, the windows to my soul, that looks internally, to where my own happiness lies. Nothing and no one is responsible for happiness but you, cliché I know, it’s so easy to say those words, but living it is another story all together….

Two months ago, I attended a workshop “Discover Yourself” and that’s when I experienced a true paradigm shift. I’m happier than I’ve ever been, I see the world differently, and finally I can give meaning to life, my life. Attending that workshop was the best gift I could have ever given to myself.

We sometimes put our happiness in things, or times. How many times have you not said to yourself “I will be happy when…….[fill in the blank]” or “I will be happy if I have……[fill in the blank]. I’ve done this over and over. I also know that when that time arrived or things materialised, I was not fulfilled, that void was still there. It’s sad, how we wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all our lives for happiness, when all the time it was right there, we just never looked inside.

I choose to free my mind of worry….
I choose to free my heart of hate….
I choose to live simply…..
I choose to be happy!

The Nobel Peace Prize was awarded this Friday to India’s Kailash Satyarthi and Pakistan’s Malala Yousafzai for their struggles against the suppression of children and for young people’s rights, including the right to education. That is great news, and it might almost mean Nobel Peace Prize makes sense again, after being awarded to Barack Obama in 2009 “for his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples”, and to European Union in 2012 “for over six decades contributed to the advancement of peace and reconciliation, democracy and human rights in Europe”.

Still, there is something that really troubles me. How come we (meaning the West) always recognize the “devils” of the East, the torments children like Malala had to and have to go through (in her case, with the Taliban), but always fail to recognize our own participation in creating those “devils”? How come we never…

I could NEVER stop smoking! It’s the only thing that keeps me sane! I would kill someone if I don’t have a cigarette right now! I can’t do it.

Day 3

So it’s been 3 days since I’ve decided to quit the cancer sticks. My reasons for wanting to quit is another post on its own, which I will post very soon. For now, I want to share how this experience has become my personal jihad(struggle).

Until Friday 26th September, I used to smoke up to 15 cigarettes a day. First thing in the morning, last thing at night, every hour during work, first thing when getting into the car, after every meal. A cigarette fitted so perfectly between my index and middle fingers and into my every day life, that not having it there, would just not feel right.

And it doesn’t feel right. Over the past 3 days, I found that I would have to make changes to my daily routine in order to accommodate for the missing cigarette. It’s little changes, and it proves to be working…..so far. So, where I would normally wake up and go to the living area to smoke, I go directly to the bathroom, avoiding to leave the bedroom for a little while longer. (Smoking was never allowed in the bedroom, kitchen and bathroom, MY RULES).

After facing that demon, then comes the coffee…It’s like coffee and a cigarette were made for each other, it’s like Bonnie and Clyde, pms and chocolate, sushi and wasabi, pizza and cheese, nachos and guacomole……and this list can go on and on, which brings me to the next demon……

The cravings

And not just nicotine cravings. I feel the need to keep my mouth occupied almost all the time. I’ve eaten more sweets over the past 2 days, than I would over 6 months. My body will seriously go into sugar overload mode! So today, I’ve decided to take the fruit approach (I do not want to add to the weight that I might put on, but secretly hoping that I don’t). Anyway, back to the coffee demon, since I wandered off into the land of food. I now have my coffee in the kitchen, while preparing the lunch packs. That way, I’m not sitting down and having my coffee.

Dealing with the tiredness….

I sleep. I sleep way earlier now. I’m not sure if I am tired due to the absence of smoking, or if I’m subconsciously avoiding watching tv in the living room, as I associate that with smoking too? Nevertheless, I sleep early.

The challenge

This weekend is going to be a tough one. It’s Eid ul Adha, and we will be spending it with my family. Besides my younger sister, everyone smokes. If I can make it through this weekend with no relapses, then I’m stronger than I ever believed.