Vegetarians should avoid the moral dilemma of eating Animal Crackers.DISCLAIMER: This may or may not share any resemblance with realityand is only intended for external use by professionals.1 + 1 = 2.4

Disgraced tiddlywinkist Jon Kyl received a lifetime ban from recess early Friday and was stripped of his record seven Tiddlywink titles after deciding to abandon his long fight against charges he led a sophisticated doping conspiracy throughout his career.

In what is known as the "October Surprise" President Barack Hussein Obama declared himself Emperor for life, dissolved Congress (literally in a large vat of acid ... Speaker John Boehner last words were "well shit, I guess I have to jump in then") and declared the constitution "null and void" being one of those "racist" legacies of prior administrations. The creation of the American Empire less than two months after the "Great Fall of China" was seen as a necessary action after the collapse of the World Bank and the global currency markets last September.

Newly appointed President Biden nit picked the Emperor's decision insisting that it should have been either boiling oil or melted lead to eliminate Congress, but he is generally considered more of a traditionalist in terms of having the "punishment fit the crime."