My Facebook wall is full of those "A mother's love"/ "My mom is my best friend" posts I've never been able to relate to. People gushing about how great their mothers are, how unconditional their love is.

Though I try not to, most times, I find myself resenting people for having what I wanted most in life. It makes me sound like a shit person, I know- but I can't help it.

I don't want to be a mother myself, but if the time comes when I have children of my own, I will try my absolute best to be the mother they need, the one I never had.

I've started to see some cards out there that are for sending people other than your bio mom on Mother's Day. Like "Happy Mother's Day to my best friend who had to raise herself! Go you, you did an awesome job!" and "Happy Father's Day to my big brother because you were a way better parent than that jerk" etc.

My nmom's B-Day and Mother's Day are usually within ten days of one another. She loves to remind you about how she deserves two separate gifts for the two days, never mind that she also only accepts expensive gifts and it's not cheap. I stopped doing it.

My B-Day and Christmas are three weeks apart, for years I got "dual" birthday and Christmas gifts and was told "don't ask for anything else".

Those always seem insincere - why would anyone post something like that if they were happy, stable, and secure?

They remind me of a time when I was pretty young (11? 12?) when I made my mother a 'random' card with a childish note about how much I loved her and how I didn't know what I'd do without her and she was my best friend - hours after she had slapped me across the face and told me she hated me and was never going to do anything for me again. She was upset after arguing with my father and I had to deal with the fallout.

Those always seem insincere - why would anyone post something like that if they were happy, stable, and secure?

Because they're grateful. Because they love their mothers and want to express it. Happy, stable, and secure people often like to express their love. It's normal.

My mom is wonderful. I had major issues with my father. So I can understand both sides.

I made my mother a 'random' card with a childish note about how much I loved her and how I didn't know what I'd do without her and she was my best friend - hours after she had slapped me across the face and told me she hated me and was never going to do anything for me again.

Your mom was horrible. I'm sorry that happened to you. But people can write that and mean it. They can write that to people who deserve it.

Because they're grateful. Because they love their mothers and want to express it. Happy, stable,and secure people often like to express their love. It's normal.

Yes, exactly. My mom is my very best friend. I am so lucky to have a wonderful mother like her. And I like to take time and recognize her for everything she has done for my sister and I. She often feels like a failure because my horrible abusive grandmother always told her how awful she was and treated her terribly. It makes me sad, and so because I love her so much I like to let her know what a good mom she is when I can.

exactly this. who would design those or search those out if they're actually busy being a happy mom? the only people spending time with all that aren't what they're describing. the same argument probably applies to those who repost...

The thing about those posts on social media about mothers (and fathers) seem very similar to those "my relationship is so fantastic, I looooove him!!👸👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨😍❤💕💓💖💍". And we all know noone in a happy relationship actually posts that kinda shit.

I can relate. When I see daughters with their normal mothers doing normal things like shopping for clothes, I feel so much hate. I feel like a virgin teenager looking at couples. The weird thing is also, while I have very little interest in romantic relationships and hold a pretty nihilistic view about coupledom, I still dream about the perfect motherly love and even have friendships with women old enough to be my mom. I think this wish never dies.

I dream about this too, I keep having this fantasy that I’ll finally get away from my awful mother and find a woman who I could be like a son to and for her, a mother to me. Or at least a good enough relationship where I can finally call someone mom or dad and have it all feel genuine.

I even married a totally unattractive man because I liked his mother so much. Yes, it's true. For her, I was the daughter she always wanted to have. It was the time of my life. We were doing all the things my mom never did with me, like make-up stuff, fashion, going out, shopping for the wedding dress. Yes, my mom never saw me as a bride. Well, I left him after about 10 years because I'm not the kind of woman to be a mother and wife, but still, this experience was important. Now I'm not into marrying anyone anymore, lol, but I have friendships with older women.

I totally get this. I also hate how MY MOM posts all this sappy shit on FB like about how her greatest joy is that her daughters can tell her all their deepest secrets. Like, what? I don't tell you ANYTHING.

My entire life I wanted to be a Mom. I wanted to have that good relationship with a child as a way to make up for my own poor relationship with my mom. I didn’t get married until I was 37, and as soon as I could, I started trying to get pregnant. That never happened. At 42 I had enough, and after years of physical pain, I had a hysterectomy. I was heart broken at the time. Almost three years later, I am so thankful. I don’t know how to be a good Mom. I don’t know what I was thinking! So thankful my broken body helped me avoid a horrible mistake. No child deserves that.

On Mothers Day I always look for a card that doesn't lie, one I can feel honest about... it's usually a bit of a hunt before I find one that's just like "I love you mom".....

I should really start a card company with saying like: "Thanks for giving birth to me"
" The emotional scarring you caused me will keep many a counselor in business"
"Your my example of how NOT to live my life"
"At least I got your great cheekbones"
"Thanks for making me related to Grandma. She's pretty cool"
"I didn't want to be an asshole by not getting you a Mother's day card so, here you go. Yippee.. "

I don't really resent other people who love their mothers - I feel happy for them in general. But the whole thing often just feels surreal to me, and I have to remind myself that other people might genuinely love and care for their mothers.

This is particularly true of Mother's Day cards - as I wonder why on earth they put those stupid messages on them, and why can't I just find a sensible (or preferably blank one).

The 'my mum is my best friend' stuff is particularly hard to take as it feels entirely alien, especially since my mum has always been my worst enemy.

So true. It's difficult to find a simple card like that. I find myself reading every single card in the aisle and still often strike out. It's a depressing exercise each year. My sister has the same problem.

Because everybody else does and because she can continue to milk the death for all the pity she can ring out of it. Her Mugger has now been transmogrified into a Saint Mommy-Dearest and no one will ever be allowed to forget it without getting SM Slammed.

During my whole life, it seems the universe is totally against me having any kind of mother, birth mom total psych narc, then step mom, who at first acted like she wanted to be my mom, total histrionic psycho, but my real mom said things to her behind my back, like I was faking and there to break them up etc. Then friends mom acted like she was a mom to me, then I find out my nmom hired her to do that and totally burned me. I had a god mother who begged my nmom to be my godmother, I have fond memories of her, she got killed by drunk driver when I was 12. I also hated when I became a teen and would go pick up my friends and thier mom's would be telling them how pretty they looked and have fun and 20 minutes before I had to almost fight my way out the door and having insults hurled at me. That was torture. When it's mothers day and I see those cards, it's like a stab in the heart.

I've found that for some reason, people just straight up don't believe a mother could possibly not love their children. "Oh, but your mother must have loved you, she probably has some (insert ignorant diagnosis) or just (insert some dumb excuse).

Fuck off. My mother hated me growing up and has never given a fuck about me.

I don't really believe all of these posts about how great momma or daddy was and how family is the only thing. I've known many of the people posting same and know there was strife in some of those homes. At least two friends revealed to me thirty years later that there were things going in their homes that I was totally oblivious to and both involved mom. I had thought they had such great lives as I was from a broken home and they weren't. They sat down to dinner at night and attended church.

A newer close friend loves her mom and interacts with her and helps her out. She has real love and feelings for her. But she has also told me her mom ran off with another man and the man later sexually abused her kids. She has never told details but there is real anger when she mentions him. And she has resentment towards mom for what she did back then.

I sometimes wonder if it isn't the exception rather than the rule when you meet a truly warm and loving family; where the parents weren't at each other's throats, the kids were validated and made to feel an important part of the family.

I'm glad you said this because it's true. I;ve known, a family that was super close and would supposedly give their lives for each other blah blah ... but I knew the daughters hated their mother so much but they had to fake it because of the family The mother wasn't narc but she was psychopath insane.

I always feel sick and guilty when I see the "share this if you love your mother, ignore if you want her to die" ones. They tend to pop up around mother's day especially. I don't want her to die, obviously, but I'm not sure I can truthfully say I love her, either.

I finally realized FB is place for people like me. Who are trying to be LC with an nMom and NC with a xnH (of 25 yrs). No point in minimizing contact if they are forced into my awareness regulaily by flying monkeys or just innocent shared aquaintances. Big part of L/NC for me is being able to forget about them, in hopes of erasing their relentless "running commentary" soundtrack from my brain. Down to a handful of contacts from my recent life, none have even met any family members...and those who made the cut don't post that sappy drippy family stuff.

Same. I'm ridiculously bitter about my mum but at the end of the day, I hate to admit to the fact that I wish I could relate with those "my mom is my best friend and I feel like I can talk to her about everything" posts. Part of me wonders how that feels like, tbh.

I don't know about you but I get the triple whammy thanks to mothers day, father's day and Christmas. The real challenge is accepting how absent they can be in your life despite living in the same house. And then they expect some sort of endless gratitude for having done the bare minimum. Best friends ? Confidant ? Teacher ? Forget the notion of parenting. None of that applies to either of mine.

Having gone NC, I can finally see how ludicrous those facebook and instagram posts are. They just piss me off to no end. And by extent, I continuously get increasingly frustrated and angry at the life I had because of them. There are times when I doubt myself about my train of thought and my reactions given certain events byt then I snap out of it once I remember the end result of their abusive behaviors and neglectful demeanor.

I hate those repost/reblog if your mom is your best friend. I’m always tempted to post them and go on a rant about why my mother isn’t my best friend but her flying monkey sisters would probably gasp at my lack of couth and not considering the vanity of the family

This is exactly why I subscribe to this sub. I have and have always had an awesome mother, but that’s not the reality for so many people!! You all help me support my friends with Nparents properly. Thank you and I truly wish it could’ve been different for you all.

I feel very similarly, mothers day is especially the worst for me since my mother passed in addition to being shit so I have a lot of complicated feelings there. I started a tradition where I buy myself a gift and spend time with my best friend's mom who was always closer to those memes than any of my biological family. It's kinda weird but it keeps me from getting too in my head about someone who never earned the right to matter.

I totally get it. I hate mothers day simply because every one posts about how great their mothers are and my mom will look at me expectantly and I can hear the words in her head; "where's my respect thread?"

I get jealous.
"I love my mom", mines dead.
"My sister is my best friend", my sister is dead.
"Look at me and my bestie", yeah, he died too.
"I love my dad", my dad is a piece of shit and I hate him and will have a party when he dies.
I'm jealous that some people have great families and are genuinely happy.
I AM happy for those people but it still triggers this awful internal feeling for me.
Sadness mixed with jealousy maybe?

I feel that. I used to resent people who had good first sexual experiences. It sucks when you're still young and your friends talk about how they lost their v-cards, and it's like "lucky you😞". Now I'm like, well those years sucked, but I've got a pretty good sex life now, and I'd rather focus on that. Hopefully, your life is better and narc free these days. Hugs.

Thank you for bringing this up. I can't tell you how many times I've wandered a greeting card aisle lamenting, "why isn't there a card that simply says 'Happy birthday mom or grandma, have a nice day". The prose is so florid in some of these, it really makes me wonder: does this describe anyone's relationship with their mother or grandmother? My mom/grandma has not "been there every step of the way" nor have we "shared so many special moments I'll treasure forever" and other such drivel. It would be as silly as getting my boss a card that reads "I've never enjoyed working for anyone as much as you, work has never felt so fulfilling, my heart leaps when I see your elegant signature on my paychecks, I LOVE YOU BOSS!" Just because I work for you doesn't mean I have to worship you; likewise, just because you gave birth to me doesn't mean I venerate you.

I'm happy for my friends and loved ones knowing that they have beautiful loving not horrible mothers. I embrace those women as my own mother and did my entire childhood. You don't need to be resentful, turn it into love and admiration! Talk to the moms you admire or your friends admire

What's almost worse is seeing friends making those posts, while you know that their parents are also abusive and/or narcissistic and they just don't realize it or are trying to create the appearance of a loving family.

My nmom shares posts like this ALL THE TIME. Sometimes directed at me, most of the time referring to her mother in heaven. She shares the posts about wishing she could talk to her mom more often than others. Everytime I see one I fight the urge to comment “me too!”

I sometimes laugh because i know for sure that some of them were little shits and wouldnt give two craps about their parents even tho they werent nparents, its funny to see someone who whined about their parents, being complete brats than "hate" them when not having their way, even tho they are good parents, and now they post this kinds of crap. I know families are not perfect but lets not be hypocrites for appearance...oh wait, they raise npeople.

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