Poor Matthew Wall. A tragic motorcycle crash shortly after he got married left him with extensive nerve damage, a shattered pubic ramus bone, and some unfortunate damage to his penis. Reconstructive surgery could only help so much, and the 27-year-old Navy man lost a total of 1.5 inches from his manhood.

Luckily, the jury hearing the case in El Cajon, California, was made up of some sympathetic folks. They awarded him a total of $7,553,000. That's roughly $5,035,000 per inch (in addition to medical bills, trauma, nerve damage).

Lawyers for the defendant employed the usual defense tactics: he's still really good with his hands and tongue, it doesn't matter because he knows how to use it, it's okay because he still knows how to make her laugh...

Yet the jury remained unswayed. Also not buying it: his wife. The article points out that the couple have since divorced.

The trial is predicted to have a huge negative impact on advice columnists in men's magazines, who have to find a new question to answer every month since we now have a definitive legal answer to the question of whether or not size matters.