hu·man·i·ty noun
: the quality or state of being human
: the quality or state of being kind to other people or to animals
: all people

I forewarn you – this post combines a multitude of things and will be scattered, but if you read my blog normally – would you expect anything less from me?

What happened to treating others the way you wanted to be treated? What happened to caring for one another, even strangers. I remember a time that I wasn’t raised by just my mother and father, but by a neighborhood. A time where adults weren’t afraid to speak up, discipline, and you respected them. Now a days, we can’t say anything when a child is acting out in public without getting screamed at by the mother in defense.

But something does still remain. We don’t talk about things for fear of airing our “dirty laundry”. We chose not to get involved when we see someone hurting thinking someone else will do something. When you might hear screaming from a fighting couple but just turn up the TV to tune it out, hoping it would go away.

Maybe it was because I recently saw a PSA from No More, which is an organization working to end domestic violence and sexual assault by encouraging people to speak up. No more turning a blind eye. Or spending time with children at the Tennyson Center for Children where we played games with the children that are part of the Residential Treatment Program. “24-hour care for children ages 5-14 with significant emotional and behavioral concerns. We integrate therapy, education, health, spiritual growth, and recreation opportunities to help children and families stabilize, establish safety, resolve conflict, develop successful coping skills, and prepare for reunification. Average length of stay is 5 months”.

I have always wanted to volunteer but never found my passion or niche on where I wanted to step in and help. I do know that I wanted it to be local. I don’t know why people spend so much time wanting to help a community in other lands when there are people in their own backyard needing it more.

There have been two recent incidences with different neighbors having a domestic dispute. The old me would have been irritated and attempted to tune it out but the new me chose to pay attention. Watching them from the balcony, opening the front door to check on both the man AND woman, listening to their angry words. I got to one point where I stepped outside asking if everything was OK or if I needed to call the police. Or there was the time when my downstairs neighbors were yelling so loud inside their apartment that I could hear the details of what they were arguing about, ending with a flat screen TV end up on the patio. Yes, it could be dangerous to intervene but I would hate to turn on the news only to find that someone was hurt, abused or even dead due to me not speaking up.

I recently dated a man who made me want to become a better woman. I have found myself being confident with who I am; wearing dresses that expose my legs (something I haven’t done since gaining weight from my meds), feeling confident and secure in my magnificent body (even dressing a little girly). He made me feel beautiful and probably didn’t even know what he did to me, yet I want to do more – striving to be a better person – a happy, healthy, fit and volunteering; and that makes me happy.

In fact, we were walking home from a date and I saw a guy, passed out on the 16th street mall due to drinking too much. His head balancing between the metal bars of a gate as he was passed out and I felt compelled to speak up. I know that my voice may not have heard but I couldn’t walk by and not say anything. I walked into the bar and let them know the situation, but they used the excuse that his friends were with him; and apparently that made it OK. Just because his buddies, who were drinking too, were with him didn’t mean squat. How could a bunch of drunk group of guys determine how intoxicated their friend was. I tried the reasoning with the bimbo at the bar, that they could lose their liquor license of over serving in an attempt to grab someones attention. I am not sure if I changed anything but I felt better stepping up and saying something instead of walking by, letting a man lay on the ground possibly suffering from alcohol poisoning.

I am standing my ground and hopefully this post will inspire you to do the same. I saw this video and couldn’t help but see the issues that happen every day. Standing back and hoping someone else will take care of it. Yes, there is a chance of being duped and taken advantage of, but that is when you get the authorities involved; to keep yourself safe.

Why is it that we pay attention to the man in a suit but ignore the man dressed in casual clothing, perceived as possibly homeless.

Don’t be afraid to speak up if you need help. Don’t be afraid to reach out to those that are too afraid to ask for it. We are all human. Even though we may come off as being cold and shut off, we have hearts and feelings which can be changed with just a smile from one person to another. Don’t be afraid to offer a helping hand, even if it is later declined. Speak kind words to those that you care about or instead of putting your head down, pretending to be occupied by your cell phone, look up and say good morning to a stranger as you walk by; it may lift their spirits. You never know how you can change someones life – to do something out of the ordinary that may not seem courageous to you, but can end up rocking their world dramatically.

humanity – hu·man·i·ty [hyoo-man-i-tee
: the quality of being humane; kindness; benevolence – desire to do good to others.

Please note this is an actual email I received. No photos or names are used to protect the weirdo.

Online Profile Background:

Age: 46
Location: Midwest
Kids: 3 ages 12-18
Photo: Creepy eyes looking up at you like a pedophile that steals children in his unmarked van

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First email:

Reaction:Awe, cute. Makes you blush and feel good. Delete as it isn’t going any farther than that

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Second email:

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Reaction:Wait…WHAT???!!! Double take. Seriously? Oh my…

Immediate block placed. I didn’t even bother responding, avoiding any further communication for fear of what could have happened next.

My older brother around the same age joked I should have given him my credit card to fly him out this week so I could meet the man who the “universe” brought us together.

DON’T BE THAT GUY!!
Same goes for women.
You come on too strong early in the game = you are scary and all we will do is RUN in the opposite direction

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On another note: Dont wink, send a smile, like a photo, or comment on a photo and expect a response.

It is the equivalent of whistling at me from your car as I’m walking down the street.

What am I supposed to do? Come running after your car, jump on the bumper and introduce myself? If you don’t have the balls backbone to start a conversation, you won’t survive a date with a strong confident woman as myself.

Anyone else have stories like this they’d like to share?
Would love to hear from you to know I’m not alone.

Dating. Ugh, dating. Well… I’m still learning. I struggle between my heart and my heart, but I forgot what is in the middle – my gut. It was screaming and I chose to ignore it. But the positive thing is I am learning from my mistake.

This weekend I went on a date that I should have stopped it before it even started. Instead of recapping every bad moment and spilling the whole story, I thought I would just pinpoint red flags that both women and men should watch for.

Red flag #1
If your date asks you out, they should have a plan. They don’t always have to have a specific one just in case they wanted your input, but at least a general idea.

Red flag #2
If you prearranged a specific time to meet, your date should arrive to pick you up or meet you at that time. Only exception is if they communicate that they are running late. It is rude and disrespectful not to.

Red flag #3
If your date knows you have pets and they criticize pet owners and how annoying it is that pets tie you down, it probably means they don’t want children either, despite what their online profile said.

****On a side note – to future daters, don’t you ever, I mean EVER, make nasty comments about my dog. My dog was here before you, and will be long after. There is a reason why they call them a “(wo)mans best friend”.

Red flag #4
If your date starts around the standard diner time (6:30-8:30), diner should be part of the date unless otherwise stated before hand. If your date says they already ate when they arrive – they care about one thing. Themselves.

Red flag #5
If your date decides to takes you to diner and you end up sitting at the bar, if they spend their time talking to someone else, run. Literally, run. They are a person who is “always looking for someone better”. Even if they say they are trying to set this person up with a friend. It is not OK to let your date sit alone while giving your attention to a stranger. Same goes for being on their cell phone all night. Again – signs of selfishness and lack of respect for you.

Red flag #6
Don’t allow your date to chastise you on your outfit, especially if you asked what you should wear (due to not knowing your plans). They should compliment you (again, men and women alike) and think you are attractive no matter what you are wearing, despite it not being a “Friday night outfit”. You are yourself and shouldn’t be anything but that. Be you!

Red flag #(oh who effing cares at this point)

As you can tell, I spent the evening with a person that I shouldn’t have wasted my time with (and there are things I didn’t mention). Not that I am better than him – just that we didn’t mesh well together.

I need a man that is a gentleman. Who treats me with respect, enjoys my company, thinks that I am beautiful despite what I am wearing (as it is based on my inside, not the outside) because I don’t need to impress anyone. I am who I am. I want a man that takes the lead – they don’t have to dominate and demand. I am a individual, independent and not a push over. Because when it comes down to it – if you find yourself in a relationship – we have to remember why we fell for for each other in the first place. Before becoming a “we” and an “us”, it is because of who we were in at the beginning. Stay true to yourself whether it is trusting your gut, analyzing in your head, or let your heart be your guide.

In case you wanted less biased red flags – feel free to check out these articles below.