“I’ve never been so humiliated in all my life!” Alec Baldwin cries out in the middle of one of many clunky comedy scenes in his new star vehicle: He plays the title role in the animated movie “The Boss Baby.”

Baldwin voices a bouncing bundle of business who arrives as a newborn wearing a suit in the lives of a young couple (Lisa Kudrow, Jimmy Kimmel) and their alarmed 8-year-old son Tim (Miles Bakshi).

Alec BaldwinEvan Agostini/Invision/AP

It turns out that Boss Baby is a cynical, hard-charging adult disguised as an infant using a magic formula that keeps him looking young. The formula was in turn devised by the firm that employs him as an executive, Baby Corp., so he can go undercover and stop a potential rival source of cuteness — a new breed of puppy that stays young forever and will be launched, literally, into the marketplace via a rocket. Psychedelic pacifiers are involved, though none were offered to me at the screening I attended.

I could have used one because the plot is so senseless it could have been written up by bleary, sleep-deprived parents. It’s all just a pretext for a pitiful one-joke movie. Boss Baby shakes his milk bottle in a martini shaker, reads a baby-sized Wall Street Journal and screams at an underling, “Cookies are for closers,” thereby ruining forever the memory of Baldwin’s best-ever scene, in “Glengarry Glen Ross.”

Baldwin’s nicotine rasp is meant to provide a hilarious incongruity with infantile behavior, but Bugs Bunny’s desperado acquaintance Baby Face Finster beat him to the gag by 63 years. It’s so embarrassing being present while Baldwin’s character utters lines like, “Upsies! I need upsies” or farts baby powder that “The Boss Baby” marks an auto-humiliation to rank with Eddie Murphy’s “Norbit.”

It has to be tough to be Baldwin: He styles himself a public intellectual, a serious man, and once mused about running for the Senate. A little part of him must break off and die every time he considers that his fellow blowhard New Yorker is sitting in the Oval Office while he’s mouthing lines like, “Toodle-oo, toilet head!”

So not many people who have completed their elementary-school education are going to enjoy “The Boss Baby,” but I can think of one grown man who will be laughing his ass off at Baldwin.