I have been pleasantly pleased over the years to see the issue of Bullying acknowledged as a problem in society. In fact, as I type my phone autocorrects Bullying to make it capitalized. That’s great, right? That must mean that it’s well on its way to becoming a non-issue! But then I see the comments. You know the ones I’m talking about. Those thoughtless, or perhaps misguided comments that try and downplay an issue that actually causes people to take their own life. I just don’t think you can put a pretty bow on something like suicide. I don’t think you can be optimistic about an issue like that. You can’t ignore it or pretend it’s not there.

Let’s debunk some common conclusions people come to about Bullying. Just maybe it can open some stubbornly squinted eyes around here. For example, I see this one a lot.

Kids will be kids.

It just makes my blood boil to even write that down. Kids will be kids, huh? I’m thinking the people who nonchalantly make this kind of comment have never truly been bullied or had their child be a victim. They haven’t taken their daughter to the police department like my parents did when I was a teen. After finding a bloodied stuffed animal with its throat cut in my driveway they realized it wasn’t just kids being kids anymore.

Kids are kids, and in being kids they will say thoughtless words without thinking. They’ll even be mean. I get that. My kid told me a year after the last baby that my belly “was still fat.” I didn’t think she was bullying me; I knew she was just being a kid. But you see, Bullying is beyond a thoughtless comment or someone not wanting to play with you. Bullying is cruelty. It’s inhuman behavior directed at another human being. It’s making someone hurt because you hurt. It’s inflicting pain to try and lessen your own. It’s sad, really.

Bullying isn’t a kid being a kid. Bullying is making someone’s life unbearable. For me as a teen it was things like 30 prank calls an hour, spray painting whore on the road signs pointing to my driveway, or turning an entire school against me. That’s a lot to deal with when you’re a teen. When you’d rather sleep than eat, hide in a teacher’s room than face the high school hell that’s the lunch room, or crawl inside yourself to avoid the laughter and whispers then you might just begin to scratch the surface of what Bullying is like. It’s absolutely nothing like kids being kids. That actually would have been nice.

What about this gem?

It will make them stronger.

I get it. I understand trying to make a positive out of something negative. I’m a huge optimist, so I can almost get along with that kind of thinking. Except I can’t. No, just no. That’s like saying if someone is mugged in a dark alley, “well, they’ll know next time not to venture out in an area like that after dark.” Nobody would say that. So here’s the similarities of the victim of robbery and a victim of Bullying: they’re both victims, neither one asked to be a victim, and the incident will haunt them both for the rest of their lives. Think I’m being over dramatic? Then consider yourself lucky. You’ve never been the victim of Bullying.

You know what, I’ll try and meet you half way. I’ll agree that perhaps Bullying makes someone stronger in the future, if by stronger you mean less likely to trust people, build friendships, or be comfortable in social situations. I suppose it makes them stronger in that they build a hard shell around themselves to prevent harm, and that they are more on the guard for their own children to be mistreated. Guilty as charged. I’m stronger, alright, but if I could go back in time and take away that period of my life I’d do it in a second. I’d love to embrace the weakness of a woman who could trust and love more readily. Think about that next time you want to toughen up your kids. Which brings me to this one.

It prepares them for the real world.

Sigh. This actually makes me want to cry. I want to weep that we live in a world where we feel we must toughen up our children to fight back at the harshness around them. We do live in a cruel world, sadly, but being an adult is different than being a child, or even a teenager. I am able to deal with mean women a lot better at forty than I was able to deal with mean girls at fifteen. And it’s not because I was bullied. It’s because I’m an adult who has matured mentally, emotionally, and spiritually to handle such situations. We shouldn’t expect our teenagers to be able to handle the turmoil of that yet. We’re not doing them any favors by letting them transverse these situations alone. I can totally see why young girls kill themselves. I’m surprised I didn’t at that age. If social media would have been around, I might have been a statistic myself. As adults we must help be the change. I love this quote.

It’s not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It’s our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.

– L.R. Knost

Thought provoking, right? What if we as adults stopped raising bullies? What if we could mold kind, compassionate, and loving behavior for our children? What if we could instill in them a high self-worth so they don’t have the need to make themselves feel better by making someone else feel worse?

Smiling for a photo, 1993

When I was a teenager it wasn’t just one girl I considered being my bully. Sure there’s always a ring leader, but it’s also each follower that compounds the issue ten-fold. Every other kid who went along with the taunting, every teacher who turned a blind eye, and every parent who didn’t teach their children to stand up for the weak, stand against the cruel, or to offer a compassionate hand to those who need it; they were all a contributor to my experience with Bullying.

So what can we do? What if we could start by acknowledging the fact that Bullying is real? It’s not just kids being kids, and it’s not something they have to go through so they’ll be a better functioning adult. Those are just excuses we feed ourselves so we can continue to be adult bullies who raise little bullies. Just saying.

Perhaps consider this. If you don’t think Bullying is a problem then you’re part of the problem.

Addendum: I needed to add this. I did a lot of praying before I published this. You see, I didn’t want one of my former bullies to be hurt by my words above. That’s right! She’s no longer my foe, but my friend. Only God, right?! I forgave her (along with anyone else), and anything I share about bullying isn’t with anger in anyone’s general direction. God knows the people I hurt in this life before He showed me His face and changed my life! We are all works in progress. I felt the content needed to be shared so here it is.

My spouse only begrudgingly holds a Facebook account. I think he keeps it around to help share my blog occasionally, or to have some way to watch blooper type videos when he’s bored in a doctor’s office or too frustrated with his Injustice game on his phone to play it for like five minutes or so. Regardless, he’ll be the first to tell me he hates Facebook, and I stopped trying to tag him in cool stuff long ago. His sporadic use of the social media outlet makes it pointless.

But sometimes I get it. I understand his frustration. Recently I was scrolling through my newsfeed when I came across one of those train wreck status updates. You know what I mean; it’s like you try to look away, but you can’t. Your drawn into the comments section, and before you know it you’re just shaking your head. How can people be so mean?!

Have you ever noticed that social media is the new ladies’ room, the latest and greatest place for females to congregate and hate on someone?

It’s almost like watching wild hyenas on the Discovery Channel as they descend in a pack upon a wounded animal and begin to tear it savagely to pieces. Seriously.

Something happens when women get together, but on social media they can be a bit more brave and faceless. One woman makes a catty remark, the next chimes in with “oh, I know who you’re talking about,” and before you know it ladies are lining up in the comments section to say something horrible and heartless.

Not to be undone, though, I see just as many fellas coming to the feast of ugliness. Next thing you know there’s an entire trail of bashing and thoughtless comments thrown across the Internet. It might be shameful if so many people weren’t distracted by their own cruel laughter.

I think sometimes we all fall into this trap. It’s like pointing out the faults of another make us feel better about ourselves, but in the end it only makes us look worse.

I’m not trying to stand on a pedestal claiming I’m any kind of perfect, but when I see bullying I call it just that. When I see ugly, well I call it by its name. There’s no need in people fueling the flame of each other’s indignation, and to callously and brutally gang up on someone is downright mean. Am I the only person who doesn’t wish to relive the high school hierarchy of cruel cliques and heartless jabs at someone?!

Mean people, cruel crassness, brutal bullying, and the way the masses leap on it like flies to a dead carcass is despicable. It’s the reason my husband hates Facebook, and honestly, it makes me want to hate it too. It’s embarrassing as a woman to see so many ladies who attack one another on a regular basis, and it’s shameful as human beings that so many of us jump on the bandwagon to say something awful when our turn comes up. Didn’t anyone’s momma teach them if you can’t say something nice to say nothing at all.

I don’t hate Facebook. I’m not going to throw out the baby with the bath water. I enjoy connecting with others, offering encouragement, and looking at cute baby pictures. And yes, I like the blooper type videos too. In life, not just social media, although it’s certainly the place to start, we should try harder to build people up, think before we speak (or type), and consider how powerful words are to destroy someone. I mean, do you really want to destroy someone?

Are you worried that your kid will be the butt of everyone’s jokes, the outcast, or the laughing stock of school? Are you concerned for them to be unique, weak, or sensitive? Well worry no longer!

The solution is simple, really. Instead of raising them to be compassionate, caring individuals, your answer is to raise a bully. Train your child up to be mean, abrasive, and demeaning to others. How you may ask? By following the steps below.

Let them watch whatever they want to on television, and same goes for music. In fact, the more lewd the lyrics, and inappropriate the role model, the better. Let them think that fame is the answer to happiness, dressing provocatively is where it’s at, and that Miley and Beyoncé should be the kind of women they look up to. Not you.

So while we’re at it…

2. Don’t set limits. Let them act like the little brats on popular TV shows. Don’t teach “please” and “thank you,” but instead laugh when they curse and encourage sassy back-talk.

Respect for their elders? Overrated.

As they get older make sure to allow free reign of Facebook and Snapchat. Buy them a mobile device as soon as possible, allowing them to search the web without restriction.

Don’t teach them appropriate behavior on social media. They’ll figure it out the hard way.

Never search their phone.

If children are given rules and boundaries they might think you care too much, and this will always lead to a child with a big heart.

A big heart=kindness. Kindness=weakness.

3. Model for them what’s important in life.

First, feel free to allow them to express themselves via whatever attire they deem necessary. Teach them that a pride in their own modest clothing choices is lame, and that adhering to name brands and what’s very popular at the time is THE ABSOLUTE most important thing.

Remember. Outward appearance is what counts, not your heart. So they should shun anyone who can’t dress in the fad of the moment.

And while you’re at it place focus on things like where you live, how much money you make, and who your parents are. Status is everything!

Also encourage names for those who fall below you in the food chain of life. Anyone below your socioeconomic level can be titled “trailer trash” or something similar. In my day it was “skank,” but you just encourage whatever the kids are using nowadays.

Laughing along with them will make you a popular parent. You won’t be respected, but they might tell you stuff. And since you’re not going to set a curfew you’ll find this useful to make sure you don’t have to spring bail. You’re welcome.

If you want to raise an angry child who takes out their hurt feelings on others then please, please don’t pay them any attention! Make sure that work is more important. Make sure that time out with your friends ranks higher than reading bedtime stories when they’re young, and that playing on Facebook trumps listening to them talk about their day at school.

To really accomplish this, never show up. Like never. Don’t show up to their events, games, whatever.

Most importantly, though, even when you are around at home, just be there in body, but not in mind. Just be there, but don’t be present. Know what I mean? Check out mentally. That will really harden your child to the reality of life. They gotta learn sometime, right?!

And the sooner they learn how hard life is the better. You don’t want to raise a kid who makes the world a better place! You just want to raise a kid who can face this harsh world. Compassion is overrated. Love and kindness is for the birds. A heart of true courage by caring for those around you is a sign of weakness.

So feel free to follow all the steps above, and your child will be a bully for sure. In their neglect and feelings of rejection they will act out and hurt others before they’re hurt again.

Sure, you’re not helping to make the world a better place, but at least your kid won’t get picked on. They’ll be the cool kid, and cool kids always win. Look at Bill Gates.

Meet Brie

Brie is a thirty-something (sliding ever closer to forty-something) wife and mother. When she's not loving on her hubby, bouncing a happy toddler on her hip, chasing her preschooler, or teaching her six year old at the kitchen table, she enjoys cooking, reading, and writing down her thoughts to share with others. But honestly she loves nothing more than watching a great movie, or a hot bath, alone if the children allow. Which never happens.Read More…

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