Stories and comments from the author's musical and political life: by John F Goodman

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Tag Archives: Alaska

We bugged the meeting room to bring you the actual words of two really rotten people.

Trump: Mr. President, it’s an honor to be with you. Can’t thank you enough for helping me get elected. It’s been a pleasure working with you. And don’t pay any attention to what our dumb intelligence agencies say! I’ll hold their feet to the fire by making statements like “nobody really knows for sure” what happened.

Putin: That’s not going to fly very well, amigo, and it’s ridiculous to think I would ever admit to any involvement in your election. You guys can hack away at this all you want.

Trump: Those FBI people are all smoking something, Vlad.

Putin: But there will be no more cooperation, Mr. President, unless you stop bad-mouthing our liberation efforts in Ukraine and Syria. If your Congress keeps threatening more sanctions, maybe you and I will have to talk about your longstanding network of business interests in my country.

Trump: More than happy to, but let’s keep that very private. Mueller’s ears are everywhere. Here’s a bottle of Trump Vodka I brought for you—and an official photo of the many thousands who attended my inauguration.

Putin: Thoughtful gifts, and I thank you.

Trump: You know, we need to talk about North Korea and that nitwit Kim. I want to shove a missile up his ass.

Putin: Well, you guys always think more sanctions will solve everything. We all should keep our cool about this. If you’re so upset about it, you could always just give us back Alaska and that would stop them from hitting it.

Trump: Listen, we gotta come out of this meeting with something. How about an agreement on Syria? I can’t keep fucking the dog forever with claiming another fake win over Islamic terrorism and . . .