Get her off that diet

Another week, another diet. What is it this time? All carb, no fruit? Or the worst of them all – vegan? Whatever the situation we’d bid you to leave her be lest it’s going to affect what she puts on your plate. Here are some handy tips to ward off impending mood swings and harassment that you follow these diets with her.

Take her to her favourite restaurant: Yes, it is as evil as it sounds so make sure you’ve invited a party of friends and old lovers. You’re going to want witnesses when you order her favourite dessert of all time.

Breakfast in bed: You’ll need this, especially if she socked you in the head after that dinner. Make sure the “peace-offering” consists of eggs, bacon, pan cakes and oodles of maple syrup.

An extended weekend getaway: If there isn’t such a thing, then invent it. A woman always chooses getaways to let herself “go”. So make sure that she’s well taken care of and don’t forget to put the breakfast order out before bed every night.