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Lawyers make terrible parents

Obviously, I cannot substantiate a blanket assumption like that. There is good and bad in all of us. But from my personal experience, observations and research, this is mostly true.

You see, the problems begin in law school. Law students are taught an entirely different way of thinking. The Socratic Method, it is called. Which pushes common sense right out of one’s head. There’s no room for it. Only analytic logic remains:

If Bob and Sue both have red hair and are travelling southbound on the 3:30 train to Fresno, what flavor ice cream will be the biggest seller in Albuquerque on Tuesday?…or something like that. Believe me, I did poorly on the logic section of the LSAT.

Lawyers see everything in shades of green. There are 15 different outcomes for every situation and at least one of them can be billed for.This also coincides with the fact that they can never commit to one solid answer, it depends on their client as to which “truth” is going to be true on that particular day. And they always expect the worst.

Now take all this information and apply it to a lawyer’s offspring: Son wants to be a filthy rich entrepreneur. He’s going to flip cars for profit. Lawyer tells him you have to at least know something about cars to get started. I don’t think you have any idea how to buy and sell cars, Son. What a stupid idea. I think you should go to Hollywood and be an actor. But I went ahead and had my secretary file the Articles of Incorporation with the County, making your business legal. You owe me $95.00 in filing fees, so you can work it off by cleaning my house. See you on Thursday.