Clewless

Had a good chat with dad this evening, with the Thai news droning in the background. We exchanged quite a few viewpoints, and it took me a while to realise he may have been taking this opportunity to draw some clews into how I felt / had been feeling since some misadventure some years back.

Just deleted the rest of the post, so I assumed the issue is still unresolved somewhere, however factual I could put forward my thoughts to him. Guess a third person’s point of view also put things in a more objective manner, and that guilt, helplessness, are pulled out of the equation, probably enabling these to be worked through independently.

Not sure what is wrong with these two days. So much dirt being pulled out from under the carpet again. 😥

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I find that issues often come round again, to be addressed at a deeper level or from our now different perspective. I think of it as a spiraling rather than moving in circles. Doesn’t always cheer me when it happens, but over time, its gotten easier to just view it along the lines of housecleaning. Certain chores are redone at intervals.

Good point. I guess lots of info has been dropping on my lap to address the rational part of things… just a matter of time to open up the pandora box again and clean up the emotional aspects. Scary, but guess the time is right about now. :s
Thanks!!

Been many, many years. But just reading through this, can’t tell you how much I still miss my dad. Seemed like he always had some special insight into the balanced perspective of things, even if I didn’t always appreciate it. Maybe he was just a good sounding board. Sounds to me like you’re in a good place.

You certainly don’t have to answer, but I’m curious where you were in Thailand. I was working a graduate project out of ChiangMai around the turn of the millennium, and made frequent trips (usually accompanied by Thai soldiers) into the mountains north of MaeSalong. I’ve written a little about it here, but most of my experience isn’t really publishable. Eventually, the same project landed me in Phnom Penh for six-months.

I was in Mae Sot. Mae Salong sounds very familiar, so many Maes around the area, I cannot really remember which ones I have been to. I did some short village stints in Krabi and Phnom Penh too.
Somehow, I don’t why, I still have yet to reach a level of comfort writing about my experience there.

Spent a little time at Ban Mai Nai Soi in Mae Hong Song, a little north of Mae Sot. Had to search for MaeSalak… pretty nearby Mae Salong. Still a very Chinese Nationalist region at the time I was there, but the Thai government was attempting to gradually change the area’s economic base… and I’ll leave it at that. Nowadays, a great coffee and tea producing region, and Mae Salong itself has become something of a tourist destination. I have some mixed feelings about my time there, but I loved the people.

Cambodia was an unmitigated disaster, and I will likely never share very much about my last three months there. I maintain some connections in Phnom Penh however. Utterly life-changing. I can understand the reluctance to share those kinds of stories… what I’ve written here is heavily edited for content and yet still sat in the editor for a long time before pressing “publish.”