Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Rating the Super Hunks #5: Ted Kord

Due to popular demand, I have decided to make Ted Kord the celebrated hunk of the week. We'll see how he stacks up next to his pal, Booster Gold.

So, let's check out another fallen super hunk,

Ted Kord, aka The Blue Beetle

Costume/Appearance: This is a great costume. There are two things I really like about it: the blue-on-blue colour combination, and the goggles. The suit is very clean, very simple, and has great design. Unlike the current Blue Beetle, Ted's suit did not resemble a giant beetle, and I appreciate that. Because beetles are gross.

The dark bands at the ends of the gloves, the bottoms of the shorts and the tops of the boots are fabulous-looking. The belt is great. The wrap-around beetle logo is very well-executed, and shows creativity in logo-placement. The shorts also have more of a boxer-brief cut than a Speedo cut, which I always like. The boots have a slight heel. Very stylish. Ted looks like a billionaire, even in costume. And it's very flattering.

Like I said, I love the goggles, but it's hard to consider them sexy. They distract a little from the awesome design work on the rest of the suit. Plus, we can't see his wavy hair. I'll subtract one point. Other than that, a very hot costume.

9/10

Alter-Ego: Ted Kord is a billionaire and a genius. We're already off to a good start here. He is also a nice guy with a good attitude and a great sense of humour. It's no wonder female readers love Ted. Hal Jordan represents the guy that you fall for that you know is bad for you. Ted represents the nerd who asked you to the prom that you turned down, then you realize ten years later that he's the guy should should have gone for. Smart, successful, imaginative, brave, and a total sweetheart.

Ted doesn't get sexy too often in the comics. He was, however, nailing one of his employees.

Yowza! Plus, his flirting with Oracle was always cute. Especially online. Oh, I love that nerd.

As much as I hate to speak ill of the dead, it is possible to find fault with poor Ted. He's reasonably attractive, but he's not a smoking babe. Still, those big baby blues and messy auburn hair aren't bad. He has had his share of health problems. He doesn't always do the best job running that company of his and has frequent money troubles. And...he's a terrible dresser. Really. The costume is the least garish article of clothing he owns.

I'll forgive the clothes a little because it was the eighties, but...seriously. He dresses like a children's performer.

Still, though...

8/10

Day Job: Billionaire inventor.

10/10

Sexiness of Powers: Ted doesn't have powers. But he does have a whole lot of cool gadgets and weapons, all of which he invented. He's a genius and a great athlete. He provided the primary mode of transportation for the Giffen-era Justice League. He's got a gun that blinds people.

Having no powers and still being a member of the Justice League is sexy.

9/10

Cons: Like I mentioned before, Ted has had his share of health and money problems. It should be noted that he has always bounced back.

Er, at least, he probably would have bounced back from his latest money troubles if he hadn't been shot in the head. His death was heroic, and he proved to be the only one able to figure out what was going on when the shit started hitting the fan, OMAC-wise. And his last words were excellent:

You tell him, Teddy!

I'll knock a couple of points off for his tendency to let things slide. Like his business or his weight.

Oh Ted, you are a sexy beast. Not quite as sexy as Guy, but darn close. There was also some really gorgeous artwork in the old JLI, with Adam Hughes drawing Ted. Grrrrrr!

Yes, the costume is actually pretty cool. And also his regular fashion sense was a disaster, but heck, that's just part of his charm. And his pretty blue eyes, and hair, the color of black cherries...VERY nice.

But most of Ted's appeal is in his personality. I still think that somehow, he and Oracle HAVE to get together. And his friendship with Booster, is one of the best in all of comicdom.

That's one hell of a bukkake-face on Ted in the cons section. Gads!I already thought he was a bit of a deviant after hearing about his cyber-sex antics with Oracle, but I never knew he was into things as kinky as this.