Sunday, June 4, 2006

I have a confession to make. I am a terrible mother. --At least according to the vast volumes of parenting books out there, I am.

I seem to do almost everything "wrong."

I rocked my kids to sleep. (And still rock K to sleep most nights.) My daughter drank a bottle until she was about 2 1/2. K still has a pacifier (and he's almost 2). The only babysitters my kids have had have been relatives. I let my kids eat things like grapes and raisins and popcorn, when "they" say they shouldn't until they're 3 or 4 or something like that. I use bribery to get my kids to do the things I want them to. Some days my kids watch TV...A LOT.

Writing them down here, those parenting "mistakes," if you will, don't sound that bad. But if you've ever read one of those much-despised parenting books, you'll know I'm a miserable failure. It's a wonder my kids are still breathing.

But, a wonderful thing happened to me about 4 months after K was born. I realized that the people that write those books don't know MY kids. And no one else will ever know them as well as I do. So that makes ME the expert on what works for them and our family.

So I suddenly stopped worrying so much that I was doing things "wrong" according to those books. And I realized how "right" I was doing things for our family.

So,

I rock my kids to sleep. (And still rock K to sleep most nights.) M stopped rocking when K was born and started a bedtime reading ritual with her Dad. They go in Mom and Dad's bed and read books, then she snuggles in and falls asleep. We then carry her into her bed. She gets time with Dad, and she goes to sleep without a big fuss by 8 pm almost every night. K still rocks with me most nights. Lately he hasn't been falling asleep, so at 8 he goes in his crib and he talks to himself for awhile until he falls asleep. We tried the cry it out technique. It was painful for all of us. Our way is so much more pleasant.

My daughter drank a bottle until she was about 2 1/2. I tried switching the milk to water to see if that would make her give it up, but she didn't care. She just wanted something liquid to drink out of the bottle. It helped her force herself to relax since she's a pretty active kid. She never took a pacifier, so the bottle was her crutch, or excuse, to have to take it easy for a bit. Once we got rid of the bottles, we also got rid of naps. It was a bittersweet day.

K still has a pacifier (and he's almost 2). He likes it. A lot. I doubt he'll be in high school sucking on a binkie. Get off our backs about it.

The only babysitters my kids have had have been relatives. And my hubby and I have gone out very few times without our children. We just like to be with them. We love them. It's fun to do things as a family. Although we did go to Disney last September for a weekend without them...so I guess we are a bit selfish as well.

I let my kids eat things like grapes and raisins and popcorn, when "they" say they shouldn't until they're 3 or 4 or something like that. I cut the grapes up, and they devour them. They love them. They can eat a whole bag in one day. How could I not give them grapes (or "bapes" as M used to so endearingly call them.) Same goes for all the other forbidden foods. Ironically, I was fanatically careful to avoid all the allergy-producing foods until they were "old enough". So I'm inconsistent. Whatever.

I use bribery to get my kids to do the things I want them to. Is that really a bad thing?

Some days my kids watch TV...A LOT. How else are you supposed to get dishes washed and supper cooked, and laundry done, etc. Honestly, I've turned the tv off a million times, the kids just turn it back on and scream for "ROBOTS!" or one of the other 500 DVDs or VHS we own. Because we don't have cable...we live in the country. So generally the kids are watching the great shows on PBS, or they're watching a movie. Does it help that I talk to the kids about what they're watching? I don't know. I still feel terribly guilty about this one. But it's a necessary evil.

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