Lessons About Self-Love to Overcome Unhealthy Relationships

“When someone tells you who they are, believe them.” – Maya Angelou

Today’s rain rekindled parts of the past that many of us hate to revisit. You know, the not so sunny and glittery moments that we post and share on social media, it’s the opposite of those but having them didn’t make me sad at all. If anything it made me smile with a deep gratitude for having them in the first place.

The people and places that triggered it were from things going all the way back almost 20 years. Damn, I sound old writing that but it’s reality.

If I canged things would my reality be different? Yes.

Would the easier path block me from growth and change my ability to have all the feels; which makes me who I am? Yes.

I wouldn’t change a great majority because I’m grateful for the present stage of my life. But there’s a few parts I wish I could because of the people that were in it and the pain they brought with them.

Time is our most valuable gift and I spent alot of mine with the wrong people, which makes time feel lost. The only way to make up for it is to never waste another minute again.

Learning what a healthy love life is and what it isn’t can lead you down a path of life with less heartache. But know that heartache will eventually happen regardless. Trying to love yourself makes it easier to roll with the punches to create a life with love.

Guide your mind to a positive space and speak to yourself in the best way possible. Your personal dialog is the most fundamental interactions you have each day so make sure it’s a positive one.

Realize that bad behavior from others shows you that no matter how much you love them, they’re never really going to change because they’re not able to love themselves so they’ll never be able to truly love you.

You can be the brightest light but to a dark soul, you’ll never win. If anything, you’ll lose your light while you’re busy trying to ignite theirs.

Choose to add more light and love to your life by staying close to the fire within instead of dying from a chance with a flame that can scar you.

The light of your fire will guide the right people in and the wrong ones will be left in the shadows and rain.

The struggles of loving ourselves in a society that doesn’t promote a self-love and value is frustrating but the best way I’ve learned from heartache is to use my voice and to be vulnerable. If I’ve lived it, you could have too so why not write about it?

Here’s a short list of the ways I started growing the best relationship and love with myself:

1. Don’t put someone on a pedestal higher than the one you put yourself on.

2. Take time to get to know yourself before you have the wrong friends, loves, career, and all. If you don’t know you, how will anyone else?

3. Trust your gut. If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, and acts like a duck, it’s a duck.

4. You are stronger than you ever dreamed you are. But you have to know your strength to use it. Focus on your strengths not weaknesses.

5. You can only fix your heart, soul, and mind. No one can do that for you and if you have one, your higher power can as well. It’s all on you to make that call, sweet girl.

6. When things don’t turn out the way you thought they would, rejoice that it didn’t! It’s not meant to or it would’ve.

7. Be yourself and know that you don’t have to adjust your life for anyone. They don’t walk your path with your heart, only you do.

8. Know exactly what you want and what you don’t by making a list of it. Write your professional and personal goals so you can track your success; no matter how big nor small. It’s mandatory to know what those things are so you can live the life you desire.

9. Guard your ears and heart. Do NOT let anyone tell you anything negative about you or your body. Don’t be angry with them. Pity them instead. How bitter their soul must be if they’re willing to talk about something so superficial.

10. Catch a break by meditating, praying, or by getting some old-fashioned sleep. Rest your mind with love, as often as you can by meditating daily even if it’s just a few minutes. Also, the power of prayer saved me more times than I thought possible.

I can’t emphasis the importance of knowing that love is not abusive; mentally, physically, nor spiritually.

*Their highly-trained advocates are available 24/7 to talk confidentially with anyone experiencing domestic violence, seeking resources or information, or questioning unhealthy aspects of their relationship.

* If you, your child, or someone close to you is being bullied, there are many steps to take to help resolve the situation. Make sure you understand what bullying is and what it is not, the warning signs of bullying, and steps to take for preventing and responding to bullying, including how to talk to children about bullying, prevention in schools and communities, and how to support children involved.

I’m a 30-something Louisville dweller and aficionado. As you browse around please note that you’re in the sanctuary of the space I call home where my writing is about life, love, and the city of Louisville. I’m honored to have you here. Thank you for visiting my space.