Classic Dick

Women’s newest complaint in the arena of sport is that their token female sideline commentators have to go into “icky” men’s locker rooms and see “gross” enormous wieners to get their jobs done.

A penny saved is a woman fired.

Between periods, pregnancies, and lawsuits, I’m surprised women have any time left in the workday to play Solitaire.

You’d never hear a male sports reporter complaining for easier access to female athletes. That’s because women athletes are disgusting wildebeests who should be hunted on safari and not seen, heard, or interviewed.

Fuck women’s sports.

Women cluttering up our ear-waves with their shitty post-game interviews all started with whinny plaintiff Melissa Ludtke. In 1977, she sued Major League Baseball for access to the men’s locker room during the 1977 World Series. I’m assuming she had no husband or children at the time. Without children or a man, the only thing a woman has in her life is the ability to complain. She needs to get that attention from someone or she’ll disappear like piss in a swimming pool.

Can you imagine a man doing the same thing if the genders were reversed? Suing to see a bunch of hideous pigs in their natural habitat after playing to an empty arena? What a loss of Man Points!

After Melissa Ludtke won her lawsuit to see men’s penises, she began a campaign of distraction and bullying against the awesome world of men and sporting.

In 1979, Michele Himmelberg, who is probably a bitch, sued for access to see the Tampa Bay Buccaneers wieners. Because this development, all reporters were banned from the locker room.

If you think reporters were banned because athletes have a problem with getting their penises checked out by desperate women who couldn’t make careers in bathing suits so they picked up a microphone, you’re wrong. You’re probably also a woman. Fuck off my website. Male reporters have something female reporters can’t suck out of their station manager: class. That’s why the athlete/reporter relationship worked so smoothly for so many years. Men were doing all the interviewing and they were conducting themselves with dignity.

Then women came in shoe-horning their vagina in everyone’s face. You’re there to sell Cheetos and Coors Light, sugar tits. No one even wants to hear your name.

I would also like to note that it’s quite likely female sports reporters became involved in sports because they thought it would get them more attention from their fathers. It’s called the Electra complex and it means women want to fuck anyone, anytime, anywhere; even if they’re related.

That’s called incest, and while women might sue it into being legal, it will still be gross.

Lisa Olson, another pioneer in complaining, got the general manager of the Patriots fired for not molly-coddling her enough to do her job, and for not feeding his awesome NFL team salt-peter after they kicked ass on the gridiron. Allegedly, a group of Patriots surrounded her and began making vulgar comments and gestures. When asked how many women would trade their souls for the exact same treatment, I had only this to say:

All of them.

With enough Michele Himmelberg’s in the world, we would never have had the glory of Howard Cosell and Mohammed Ali. Nor would we be able to savor the pithy remarks Larry Merchant. And we probably would have never heard about Marv Albert biting that prostitute’s ass. Who cares about prostitutes? It’s that a pimp’s job?

Here’s a quote from Melissa Ludtke. I’ll let you be the judge on whether she’s a bitch or not.

“Changing the rules doesn’t necessarily alter attitudes.” -Ludtke

It’s a good thing women can’t sue everyone into being nice, isn’t it? Let’s keep it that way. Don’t vote for Hillary.