My friend pinned this thing about getting stains out of your carpet with an iron, and wrote, “I just tried this, and I guarantee hilarious results.” So how could I pass up an opportunity like that?

This is specifically meant for Kool-Aid stains, but I don’t think I’ve had Kool-Aid in my house for years. (Crystal Lite maybe, but not Kool-Aid.)

I do, however, have a stinky dog, as you’ll recall.

And I’m going to blame her for these unidentified carpet stains.

(I know you can’t see it very well, but it’s a little spot that looks suspiciously like a shitstain. She doesn’t poop in the house, ever, so it’s quite possible that it’s just gross doggy dirt or slobber, or perhaps not even her fault. I did spill an entire glass of Coke in there once, so, ya know…)

I dug my iron out of the very back of my laundry room cabinet (which was a feat, but not as impossible as prying my ironing board out from behind the washing machine, so it’s a good thing I only needed the iron for this one).

The post did warn against using blue Windex, but blue was all I had and I just figured a blue stain wouldn’t be any more disgusting than a brown stain, so you know, I wasn’t too worried about it, even if it were to fail.I squirted.

And then I ironed.

At first, I was pretty sure nothing was going to happen besides that my towel would soak up a puddle of Windex. But, eventually, some nasty brown stuff started pulling through the towel.

But I could still see the stain, and I figured, as I usually do, that if some is good, MORE IS BETTER.

So I sprayed and ironed and repeated.

Yeah, all that nasty brown shit was in my carpet, which I occasionally do yoga and push-ups on. My face has no doubt touched it many times.

But you know what? Its not in the carpet anymore.

got so excited that I ran around the room finding other little shitstains and spraying them and ironing them. I got to a particularly gnarly one and started grossing myself out with all the crap that came through the towel, but then I looked closer…

And I’m pretty sure that those are scorch marks rather than dirt. Oops.

And, in the interest of honesty, I’ll tell you it didn’t work on all the stains. This one wouldn’t come up completely.

But, I’ll tell you what, for a test that my sister promised would result in hilarity, I did not end up with a blue carpet or a house fire or even burny ammonia steam in my eyes. A minimally scorched towel is not really a fail when you’re me.

So what’s her story?

I emailed to ask her, and I promise to leave the explanation in the comments when I hear back… Stay tuned.