All Hail Emperor Rick Scott, Supreme Ruler of All the Floridas

January 8, 2011

For those of you who might have missed it, our bountiful state of Florida has in its infinite wisdom seen the ascension to power of Emperor Rick Scott. Scott is Florida’s first emperor and has already issued such decrees of intent as “regulations? what regulations” and “agencies? what agencies?” as well as “fired? you’re not fired—I need you for two more months, and then you may leave my Presence.”

Most of these pronouncements have taken the form of Bulls***s rather than Holy Bulls as the Emperor has been sanctified and ordained by another source entirely, one south of even Florida, if you look at the depth charts.

It’s hot down here, but it’s about to get even hotter.

All Hail Emperor Rick Scott!

Sincerely,
Evil Monkey

P.S. Please remember when saying the name of His Excellency: His first name begins with a not-so-silent “P”.

Just remember–getting rid of state agencies will help by (1) making sure essential services cannot be provided and (2) releasing more people into the unemployment lines…which will help create jobs by…by osmosis?

Now now, there’s 1 job for every 5 applicants right now (which does not count those who have given up and are truly hopeless). Clearly this is designed to create contestants for a Thunderdome-style reality show run by the state where contestants must duel to even apply for a job. Now THAT would be Imperial!

I feel your pain. We have Kasich (pronounced with the non-to-silent “t” on the end) who during the last week of the election said he would come up with a budget and economic plan once he saw what the incoming revenues would be. Which nobody pointed out was 1) illegal (we have a two year State budget, which needs to be passed before the 1st year begins) and 2) a vacuous non-answer for the most important issue of the election. Oh, and did I forget to mention the reports about how Ohio had the 5th best performing economy of the states for the past 3 years came out the Sunday AFTER the election. Let us not even discuss the $400 Million to build a passenger rail system that as Gov-Elect, he got pulled from our state.

Sigh. I just don’t know what to tell you about the US political system. At this point, the number one priority should be switching over to a green economy, which will also create jobs in addition to being the only way to help save our asses 20-30 years down the line, and we’re mired in reactionary politics that are mostly about pushing the poor farther down into the dirt.

I CANT BELIEVE THAT RICK SCOTT IS NOW OUR GOVERNOR.
THE EXECUTIVE ORDER THAT HE SIGNED THIS PAST WEEK ON ANTI DISCRIMINATION IS RIDICULOUS!
IT IS FULL OF DISCRIMINATION AND BIGOTRY.
INSTEAD OF CALLING HIM EMPEROR-HE IS MORE LIKE THE MODERN DAY ADOLF HITLER!
IS THIS MAN REALLY THAT IGNORANT AND FULL OF HATE TOWARDS OTHERS WHO ARE DIFFERENT FROM HIMSELF?
DO YOU BELIEVE HE ACTUALLY BELIEVES IT IS OK TO DISCRIMINATE SOMEONE WHO IS HANDICAPPED?
SHAME ON HIM. HE IS AN EXTREMELY POOR REPRESENTATION OF THIS STATE.
THERE IS NO WAY HE COULD EVER GET RE-ELECTED!!!!!!

And yet he’s still better than Rick Perry, our own unbearable cross. That makes me want to throw up my toenails. (Perry does for Texas what Whitley Strieber did for SETI, and lower than that I simply cannot get.)

[…] Some people purchase lordships, others quest for knighthood. Rick Scott bought himself a kingdom, known to lesser men as a “state.” And he, in his mind, is its supreme Emperor. […]

About Jeff VanderMeer

Photo by Kyle Cassidy

Jeff VanderMeer has been named the 2016-2017 Trias Writer-in-Residence for Hobart-William Smith College. His most recent fiction is the NYT-bestselling Southern Reach trilogy (Annihilation, Authority, and Acceptance) from FSG, which won the Shirley Jackson Award. The trilogy also prompted the New Yorker to call the author “the weird Thoreau” and has been acquired by publishers in 28 other countries, with Paramount Pictures acquiring the movie rights. VanderMeer’s nonfiction has appeared in the New York Times, the Guardian, the Washington Post, the Atlantic.com, Vulture, Esquire.com, and the Los Angeles Times. He has taught at the Yale Writers’ Conference, lectured at MIT, Brown, and the Library of Congress, and serves as the co-director of Shared Worlds, a unique teen writing camp . His forthcoming novel from Farrar, Straus and Giroux is titled Borne. He lives in Tallahassee, Florida, with his wife, the noted editor Ann VanderMeer. You can contact him at pressinfo at vandermeercreative.com. (Author photo by Kyle Cassidy.) More...