Breadcrumbs

Giving – not always a good idea in relationships

Have you ever felt that you shouldn’t have said what you did to your partner in more than one situation? How do you undo something already done? And you wish you hadn’t said it because it ended up pushing him/her away. Words and action have equal power to either pull a partner close or drive him or her away.

Normally all relationships start out great, but fade later with the partner only being half there. They lose interest – forget to call, text etc. Affection and attention become rare. It turns a dream into a nightmare.

Turning things around require fixing a few behavioural patterns. Given today’s modern times, it is very common for people to chase their love. But chasing brings along over functioning, over giving and over nurturing. The person in target takes the centre stage in one’s life. This is the worst mistake that most people make. They cannot see anything beyond them. While the relationship and this person should be the priority, it shouldn’t take a toll on other areas of one’s life. It should rub on to other areas of one’s life beautifully and positively. But the obsession of focussing singularly on this person can make a relationship stifling. Most people take an imaginary relationship as a real one. The one in which they feel they are already there even before getting an indication from the other person that he/she is on the same level on the relationship timeline. The entire relationship is based on false presumptions. The truth is, no amount of presumption or assumption can work. It only results in turning someone away.

One of the factors responsible here is one’s feelings. When they get out of hand and cannot be controlled. The important thing here is to know the difference between what one feels and what one does. It is not always possible to control one’s feelings. Feelings are the compass to one’s relationships. Feelings trigger emotions. It is very necessary to convey what one feels. Problem sets in not when expressing one’s feelings or emotions, but expecting him/her to reciprocate the same feelings. This expectation can drive a person away. Since it results in pressure not love.

Showing continual interest in someone is a great way to exhibit one’s seriousness, especially when one is not on the same page with one’s partner and when the partner’s interest seems to be dwindling. One can be proactive in giving undivided attention to revive his/her interest or to getting them commit, but beyond that if it doesn’t work, it certainly is not worth it. But before giving up completely the only thing to do is to step back. After doing what one had to, it is time to retract since it’s not fetching the right outcome. This is hard to practise but it works. Once done, one will feel much stronger. No matter how hard the desperation, stop doing all the giving. The texts, emails, reaching out and your time. Once you do this without making any excuses or playing games, the message is conveyed. Stop initiating contact. This will give the person some time to reflect upon oneself and the relationship – current or probable. The right person will definitely come back – with a clearer mind this time.