Wednesday, May 26, 2004

It's unseasonably grey and cold and it may be that it's responsible for my bleak mood...but then again, this is pretty much how I am all the time, so perhaps it's unfair to blame the weather. Lately I have been having anxiety attacks whenever I have to go someplace where there will be other people. This includes work and hanging out with my friends...places where I have absolutely no reason to feel anxious. I force myself to keep up my normal schedule, do the things I usually do...but it takes effort and it's very draining, emotionally and physically. I have a long weekend coming up and at least one of the days, I intend to stay home not do anything. The last month or so has been so busy, and though I've enjoyed it, I'm hoping a little down time will help level out my head.

Monday, May 24, 2004

Is it possible for something to be perfect and completely wrong at the same time? I wouldn't have thought so. There are forces at work here that I don't claim to understand. Nothing seems to be going the way that I intended. The things that are right in my life just don't seem to be working, and the things that are all fucked up seem natural and right. There is something seriously wrong with this picture.

Sunday, May 16, 2004

Once again, my brain seems to be in overdrive. I have so many things rattling around in there, stressing me out, that I can't sleep, I can't read, I can't seem to do anything. I had a good weekend, saw some theater, visited with a friend I haven't seen in a while. Good things...but I can't seem to hold onto those thoughts. The other stuff keeps creeping in. It's still early, but I want to be sleeping. I have no energy, even sitting at the computer seems like a lot of work.

Saturday, May 15, 2004

Why am I awake this early on a Saturday? Is it because I don't want to miss a minute of this glorious day? No. It's because a cat jumped on my head and then stood on my chest, purring and demanding affection. This happens fairly often at home, but one of the perks of not being at home is that the cats are supposed to want affection from someone else. It's a good thing she's so cute.

Thursday, May 13, 2004

I am having a very girly kind of evening. I painted my fingernails and toenails with matching coats of a dark, sparkly red nailpolish. And I'm thinking about wearing a skirt tomorrow. My hair smells like fruit, and I have been buffed and moisturized to within an inch of my life.

Sometimes it is good to pamper yourself. After all, if I don't spoil me, who will?

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

I've been pretty quiet lately. What can I say? I've been too busy living life to write about it. It seems like everyone is having a party this month, so it's been go go go every weekend. Not that I'm complaining. I love hanging with my friends, especially when the weather is nice and we can play volleyball in our bare feet in someone's backyard. The rest of the month shows no signs of slowing down, so it should be lots of fun.

It's suddenly hot around here. I put my double oscillating fan in the window today and am enjoying the cool breeze now wafting through my bedroom. The cats are not that thrilled with it.

In closing, I would like to say:
It's hot as hell, here what I say?
My whole life is a big flambé
I'm as hot as the engine in a Chevrolet
It's hot as hell, damn hot, okay?