The Yoga of Everyday Life and Podcasting!

I honestly have tried to post and episode for almost a month. Every day I think about it. Every day I decide THIS is the day to get it all done. Every day the day ends, I’m exhausted and focusing on editing, writing, encoding and uploading is the last thing that my brain is capable of doing 😦

3 years ago I began to publish this podcast. 3 years ago Elsie’s Yoga Class: Live and Unplugged Podcasts came to life! So much has changed, and so much has stayed the same 🙂

A few things that have stayed the same:

My love for podcasting

My love for yoga

My love for service

My love for you guys!

My love for legwarmers

Although I am no longer the care free legwarmer wearing bicycling full time yoga teacher from Los Angeles and have morphed into the occasional legwarmer wearing full time Mommy/Wife part-part time yoga teacher from Pittsburgh the deepest part of my heart still wants to continue this podcast, PLUS add better content to all those of you who would like it. I may not be consistent. I may say things that I want to happen only to have my life block me in some way, but I never forget what I’ve said. I’m still with you and plan to be with you for as long as you will have me! 😀

This is Episode 2 of Elsie’s Yoga Kula.

I share a bit of an update and invite you to participate in a small mediation that helps us all that are dealing with financial challenge/stress. I know that finances are tight for a lot of people. I also know how economic matters may prove to be huge causes of stress, anxiety, fear, and even health problems. The short meditation in this podcast episode is just a simple way to reconnect with the abundance that we DO have, something we often forget. I tell you this from personal experience. I share this meditation with you because I know that I do this little meditation almost daily because it helps me to stay grounded, and I definitely need to keep my connection to the bigger Source. I share with you because it’s a great way to connect with one another so that we may through our thoughts create support for each other in these financially challenging times.

YOU CAN LISTEN TO THE MEDITATION EPISODE BY CLICKING THE BUTTON BELOW!

All of you that I’ve never physically met. All of you that have never emailed me, nor contacted me but faithfully practice. All you that I’ve gotten to know via comments and emails. All of you that have sent me voice feedback. All of you that were my real live students 😉 and now have shifted to listening to me.

All of you are my teachers. I learn from each bit of communication that I get from you. You are also absolute proof to me that yoga, as an eloquent system of what I would call ‘becoming more of who you are’, WORKS.

Each one of us hears what we are meant to hear from these teachings. Each one of us expresses ourselves individually and honestly, and as we do that, we touch soooooo many around us, and inspire many to do be the best person that they can be.

Here is the magnificent Tracee Sioux of The Girl Revolution. One of YOU virtual students that I have had the blessing to meet virtually. Watch her tell the story of Yoga: Love Your Body, and mentions me in the process.

We are always going to make mistakes.
We are going to continue to make choices that are not the best.
There will always be times that those choices will affect others, in a bad way.

I know that.

So what do we do with that?

We do better the next time around.

How?

Self Reflection

This is something that often times in this wonderful society of ours is left to others. My experience both for myself and observing others is that we don’t SELF reflect, but OTHER reflect. We first look outside of ourselves for what we have to do next. We look outward to know what’s inside. We look to the mirror of friends, family, media, etc. to either affirm or console us. Yes, this is incredibly important within our society, BUT it’s not the first step.

First step: Self Reflection

Taking the time to honestly look inside, and to ask questions that refine the deepest inner knowing, so that next time, that innate knowing will kindly inform us what the next, and ever more refined choice will be. Self reflection after making a mistake is challenging, it’s not comfortable and it’s definitely not pretty. In the midst of this reflection there are feelings of despair, anxiety, fear, anger- you get the idea . That’s part of our divine nature. It’s in the dark that we can begin to see the light. It’s through our willingness to step in there that we can better look outward. I find that writing is one of the ways in which I step inside. I look in and write from my heart, what has either already been resolved or what is in the process of being resolved.

The more truthful the expression the more that others can relate…and thus, the community aspect comes into play. Usually, what we receive from the conversation, either by affirming, consoling or condemning is that we are not alone. We get tons of guidance and advice to refine and deepen our choice making process. We wouldn’t be able to really digest the wealth of information that is the community if we hadn’t become more efficient in our own discernment, that is, self reflection.

Forgetting to go teach class? That absolutely sucked. Seriously. It made me feel horrible. I was anxious, disappointed, scared and angry. Those sort of emotions don’t really resonate well with me. Most of you know me, if not personally, through my yoga podcast classes or simply by browsing through this blog, so you know that I’m not the ‘beat myself up’ kinda girl, or the ‘sit around moping and feeling sorry for myself’ kinda girl. I would say that 95% of the time I’m GREAT! When I’m not, I welcome it 🙂 as I know that I ‘m going to be doing some great learning, some great knowing.

I wrote yesterday’s post because I believe the process of stepping into the uncomfortable places deserves to be expressed. In fact it must. So many times we cover from the world all the negative experiences, especially if we are in ‘the public eye’. Sort of like keeping up appearances. As much knowledge as I may have, as much innate joy that I may posses doesn’t keep me from totally messing up and feeling bad about it. That’s the gift of being human 🙂 Perfection is imperfect. It is exactly who we are, unfinished. We get a chance to strive to create the best of ourselves all the time.

My forgetfulness has given me the opportunity to find new ways to do ‘what I used to be able to do.’ How many times have we said that when we practice yoga? “I used to be able to touch my toes”, “I used to be able to do handstands,” “I used to be more flexible.” Are we willing to do the best job that we can, to make the optimal choice given our current circumstances? Can we be the best of ourselves right now? This is not easy, as life is always changing, but are we willing to shift our perspective, and use what we do have to our advantage, now.

This week I did something I’ve never done before. I absolutely forgot, FORGOT, to show up to a yoga class that I had made a commitment to substitute.

I’ve never done anything like that. I’ve been teaching since 2001 and I have never NOT shown up to a class. I’ve been late to teach less than a handful of times, and I have always called to let people know.

I wrote down the dates in my Google Calendar. I confirmed with the studio owner. We even had conversations about me coming as they were going to be out of town and I would be in charge of signing in students and closing up the studio. I was quite excited to do it actually. The studio owner even sent a very detailed email kindly confirming the different substitute teachers coming in to teach while she was out of town. I browsed at that email, stored away the information that I already knew, and went about my business. I ‘knew’ I had to teach. I really did. Then what in the world happened?

I am now a mother.

I am not using it as an excuse by any means. I just continue to find that motherhood has taken up the majority of my brain. I used to be able to store information in many different parts of my brain, now they get pushed out. I absolutely HAVE to write everything down, plus set up countless reminders for myself, as many ways as I can. I didn’t set up a reminder for teaching yoga BECAUSE I’VE NEVER FORGOTTEN TO GO TEACH! I’ve forgotten to pay bills, I’ve forgotten to send out emails, I’ve forgotten to make phone calls, but never anything to do with teaching yoga 😦 I was mortified. My stomach was just a huge knot. I so wished to have a really good reason for not showing up. I even conjured up in my head the only reasons I wouldn’t show up to teach without even a phone call, and all the reasons would be awful ones that involved family catastrophe, illness, and *gulp* death.

When you step into the role of mother it’s all encompassing. All the other identities that you had prior to being MOTHER are still there, but in to way are they in any way as clearly formed as they were before. Mother, takes over, and I would venture to say, 50% of the time without me choosing it. Mother power is it’s own energy that overwhelms the others. This energy is imprinted within, and it’s primal resonance at times is palpable. My daughter is 24 weeks, and she needs Mother. I believe as her needs for Mother become less immediate, my brain will begin to open up again to receive input that includes things other than mothering and I may be able to use my brain as I had before. Or…I may just forever rely on some sort of ‘external brain’, such as an iPhone 😉

Yes, you can set boundaries to Mother energy. You can subdue the impulses. You can step away from being Mother, by choosing to close the mind and create space between you and your child and of course mothering. We’ve all seen the Super Mom’s, the ones that do it all. My question is, what is the price we pay using our Will to subdue our innate Mother? Does it thrive optimally if allowed to just pulsate as it does? Would squelching the instincts create less sensitivity as Mother? Just questions to think about.

On the evening of my missed class, during class time, I was making sure that my fiancee was supported. His back ‘went out’ you could say, and he was in a great amount of pain. He couldn’t really do anything but lay down flat in bed, as he had piercing nerve pain if he did anything else. We had gone out earlier in the day and simply watching him get in and out of the car was pretty excruciating. I can’t imagine what it actually felt like 😦 In order to give him some space to relax into the pain, because there was no getting away from it, my daughter and I went out for a walk. My mind was full of making sure my family was ok, and we all had the space we needed to feel what we needed to. As I got home, I received a phone call from the studio owner. I missed the call, as usually my phone is set to silent and I miss phone calls. I knew when I saw her name why she was calling. My stomach tightened

I let many people down.

I hate that.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry BYS Yoga Studio. You guys are amazing and I apologize for my mistake.

I’m sorry to all those folks that I have not returned emails and phone calls to. I’m sorry to all those folks that I haven’t followed up with for a while. I’m sorry to all those that I’ve committed to do something only to recognize that I am not able to…not right now.

I am Mother and it is good. I’m still getting used to it, as it’s wrecking havoc in me at times, and I’m slowly getting to know how best to navigate this great new world. I am ready and willing to continue to churn, and deeply grateful to get the opportunity of this great blessing.

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