Because I am still bitter as f*** about Silent Hills and ticked off that these little pre-teen troll snots only have to wait a few months for yet another installment of their favorite franchise, I am creating this post because I am that kind of person. Since this is a rant, there will be bad grammar/writing, “cursing”, rambling, and a misspelling or two (four, five, whatever).

Proceed at your own risk, because I am going to purge my demons in what may be my most lengthy post ever.

FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY’S FRANCHISE FLAWS AND PLOT HOLES

The technology is way too sophisticated for the time period.

This is a big one and the most obvious. Fans always try to brush this off, but come on. According to the retconned ending of the prequel-sequel, Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 took place in 1987. I didn’t have to be alive in the 80’s to know that there were no free-standing (let alone “roaming”) animatronics, especially ones with facial recognition hooked up to criminal databases. Hell, Foxy can RUN great distances without collapsing into a heaping mess of parts and wires! Seriously? Disney didn’t even have that sh**! And this was a LOCAL pizza chain.

Actually, according to the Phone Guy’s messages, the original Freddy Fazbear was taken from an OLDER local restaurant, a supposedly much smaller, non-chain (meaning just one location), that was already equipped with similar technology (minus the facial recognition). Were the original owners mad scientists? Royalty? Aliens? Did they find the Heart of the Ocean? Again, even Disney didn’t have access to that type of technology (I don’t think they do even now)!

Let’s look at how advanced Springtrap was:

“For ease of operation, the animatronics are set to turn and walk towards sounds they hear which is an easy and hands-free approach to making sure the animatronics stay where the children are for maximum entertainment/crowd-pleasing value.”

Then, as if Scott realized this was too tech heavy, we have this:

“To change the animatronics to suit mode, insert and turn firmly the hand crank provided by the manufacturer. Turning the crank will recoil and compress the animatronic parts around the sides of the suit, providing room to climb inside.”

I guess all the wires and junk just disappeared. I blame the magic of the gnomes!

Let’s also look at this tid bit from the wiki about Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 (remember, this is the prequel that takes place in ’87):

“…that old restaurant was kind of left to rot for quite a while, but I want to reassure you, Fazbear Entertainment is committed to family fun and above all, safety. They’ve spent a small fortune on these new animatronics, uh, facial recognition, advanced mobility, they even let them walk around during the day. Isn’t that neat? – clears throat – But most importantly, they’re all tied into some kind of criminal database, so they can detect a predator a mile away.”

The wiki clarifies this further:

“Five Nights at Freddy’s takes place in an unknown year within the week of November 8th to November 13th, according to Mike Schmidt’s paycheck. The likely possibility is that the game takes place in the 1990’s, due to the minimum wage being around $4-5 an hour (when taking taxes into account) during that period.

… Many theorize that the game takes place around 1993. Were this the case, it would mean that Fredbear’s Family Diner, the original establishment and predecessor of Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza, opened up around 1973 as Phone Guy states: “If I were forced to sing those same stupid songs for twenty years and I never got a bath?,” which indicates that the restaurant is at least twenty years old.”

Twenty years old from 1993???

That means the original family restaurant (again, not a chain nor franchise) existed at least before 1973!! This means that BY 1973, there was at least one FREE STANDING, MOBILE animatronic that could “sense” when a person was around (remember, this is the whole plot of the first game). However, you will note that Phone Guy is talking about the four primary animatronics. The entire quote goes “Uh, the animatronic characters here do get a bit quirky at night, but do I blame them? No. If I were forced to sing those same stupid songs for twenty years and I never got a bath? I’d probably be a bit irritable at night too.” Which means either Fazbear’s Family Diner either had FOUR of these technological abominations running around, or Fazbear’s Entertainment did…BEFORE the events of FNAF2, having them long enough to ROT before the events of the game. This means, sometime between 1973 and 1987 (14 years) there were four animatronics left to rot. Were the other three (Bonnie, Chica, and Foxy) built by Fazbear Family Diner as well? And again, how does such a highly advanced piece of, what is at that point, “science fiction” tech not able to tell the difference between an animatronic (without a suit) and a person, when they apparently have no problem doing this during the daytime and when they can distinguish each other from the customers?

And how long did Fazbear’s Family Diner exist? We have a 14 year lapse of time between what we are to assume to be the creation of Freddy (at least) and the events of the prequel. The restaurant seen in FNAF2 is one of many locations, and hasn’t been opened for very long, so was the franchise still new, or had it existed for say, ten years? And how were they able to buy out a “family diner” that had at least one (presumably four by the dialogue of the second game) tech marvels that should have put the “family diner” on the map? And we are assumed that the “left to rot” bit meant that the Fazbear Family Diner was in some sort of financial ruin, that they couldn’t afford maintenance on the animatronics or the diner. Again this makes no sense.

Here’s the quote again, “…that old restaurant was kind of left to rot for quite a while, but I want to reassure you, Fazbear Entertainment is committed to family fun and above all, safety.” Are they talking about a Fazbear Entertainment restaurant or Family Diner? It would make zero sense for a successful local chain to have a location go to rot, and since the primary four came from the location mentioned, we are led to assume that Phone Guy is talking about Fazbear’s Family Diner. If he was talking about Fazbear’s Family Diner, the Franchise could NOT have been open long, because why else would the guard on deck get it confused with a previous institution (and different franchise)?

The more I think of it the worse my head hurts. It would make more sense if FNAF2 was a sequel-sequel, like it was insinuated to be in advertisements, but this is what happens when you try to retcon a twist ending. Logic usually fails.

Also, November doesn’t qualify as a “summer” month. Because “summer” refers to a season, not the weather. And thin LED laptops that hooked up to security monitors didn’t exist in the early 90’s either.

Missing locations are missing. And cameras angles are impractical.

Every restaurant chain (which we are to believe that Freddy’s was a popular local chain) has a manager’s office. Every. Single. One. Why? Because not only is it a place for management to do paperwork, answer phone calls, etc., but it’s also a place where employee’s are hired, disciplined, promoted, etc. A company that was rich enough to afford such highly advanced technology for a kid’s pizzeria would have at least one manager on duty. So where’s his office? And why is there no camera there? There is a camera everywhere else, including the damn supply closet. There is even a broken camera in the kitchen. So why is there no manager’s office in both of the two locations we see?

And while I can easily explain away inside security cameras as a method of child safety, as well as a means to keep and eye on the expensive animatronics and employees, but I must ask the glaringly obvious question: why are there no views of the doors to the outside (entrance) or on the registers? The FIRST place a camera should be!

Speaking of registers, where did people pay for their food in the location of FNAF1? We can assume people paid at the prize corner found in the location at FNAF2, but where in the first game?

Not to mention for a successful pizza franchise, there are only kitchens in select locations apparently. There’s certainly no kitchen to be seen in FNAF2. That’s kind of essential for making food. But I guess Fazbear’s Entertainment didn’t find it important enough.

And where are the fire exits?!!

The Springtrap suits are totally illogical as a plot device.

From the wiki, “…the mechanical parts inside of Springtrap were designed to be tightly compressed against the outside of the suit, using spring locks to hold them in place, allowing someone to enter and wear the suit. However, anyone in the suit would need to be very cautious, because, in the event that the spring locks malfunctioned, all the compressed animatronic parts would quickly shift back into place, severely injuring (and likely killing) whoever was inside the suit.”

Keep in mind the company that built fully automated, free walking, running, crawling animatronics with facial recognition during the Reagan era couldn’t figure out how to get this piece of technology to work properly.

Moving on…

“Springtrap’s spring mechanisms were faulty to the point that breathing on them lubricated them and made them malfunction, thus making it extremely dangerous to wear and leading to Springtrap being put away in an emergency/storage room in which all customers and most employees are not allowed to enter. The entrances to the rooms mentioned above were later covered up with pseudo walls and hidden from all camera views and maps, thus making these rooms nonexistent to unsuspecting customers and employees.”

Look, I know that Fazbear Entertainment was the Wal-Mart of kiddie restaurant chains, but give me a break! Besides all the cover-ups involved in the deaths/disappearances of children, guards, and employee mascots, how were these incredibly impractical suits even transported or assembled? A person couldn’t even get into these things without breathing on them, let alone sneak into them in a moment of panic without being pulverized! Think about it! The whole concept is absolutely absurd because the truth is this suits wouldn’t even have made it past the manufacturing phase!

Secret Room is in the wrong place.

Riddle me this, Batman! If the Purple Man (killer) is “killed” in the secret room, why is the secret room located in the third location (FNAF1), when the springtrap suits were dismantled during the era of the prequel or before? Remember, Purple guy knew of the suits (and was strongly hinted to be the previous security guard in the prequel-sequel). The map seen in the mini-games clearly shows the third restaurant, not the second. So why would the company build a secret room in the later location if they had disregarded the previous technology completely in the 80’s? They also would have been more likely to destroy the suits or store them somewhere else, rather than build a hidden room in a newer, lower budgeted locale just to store these stupid, impractical things that nobody could wear.

From the wiki:

“While the events of Five Nights at Freddy’s 3 is the first in the series to not take place in Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza, the establishment from the first game is referenced in the form of the Minigames that are played after surviving a night in Fazbear’s Fright.

During the minigames, Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza is shown in a state of intense decay and disrepair. Rats are seen scurrying across the floor, the ceiling is leaking, and oil stains and other assorted garbage is strewn about. It is revealed on the map and through Phone Guy’s recordings that there is a secret safe room for employees that doesn’t appear on the security map or cameras, is inaccessible to customers, and is completely invisible to any of the animatronics, as shown by the error caused by trying to enter it during the minigame. However, due to budget restrictions, the safe rooms in all locations are locked up and sealed over with a false wall.”

Keep in mind, the location in the first game was only opened up AFTER the temporary closure of the franchise in the second game (including sister locations), in which the special suit (or the Golden Freddy suit) was used to lure the kiddies.

Also, if we are to believe that Purple Guy was a security guard (at least night shift), he was given knowledge about the secret rooms, despite them not being visible. Even if he was not the security guard, he still had to know somehow during the events of ’87.

From Night 3 in FNAF3:

” Every location is built with one extra room that is not included in the digital map layout programmed in the animatronics or the security cameras. This room is hidden to customers, invisible to animatronics, and is always off camera.”

From Night 5 in FNAF3:

“….The safe room is reserved for equipment and/or other property not being currently used and is in fact a safety location for employees only. This is not a break room, and should not be considered a place for employees to hide and/or congregate – and under no circumstance should a customer ever be taken into this room and out of the main show area. Management has also been made aware that the spring Bonnie animatronic has been noticeably removed. We would like to remind employees that this costume is not safe to wear under any circumstances….”

Here it is implied that Purple Man/Killer hid here, took children here, and stole the Springtrap costume (Spring Bonnie). It is likely he wore it which means he knew how to wear it. So either he was an employee trained (and likely promoted to security) or as security was able to access training tapes.

Continued from the wiki:

“The minigames suggest that this safe room was where the five children were murdered. They also imply that this safe room was the final resting place of Purple Guy after bleeding to death in the Springtrap animatronic-costume hybrid while trying to escape the vengeful spirits of the children. As nothing was removed from the safe rooms before the false wall was built, it is very likely that his corpse laid there until it was found by the people at Fazbear’s Fright.”

If the children were murdered in the safe room, and they were murdered by an employee from the second game who worked at that location, then the logical deduction would be that the children were murdered in that location’s safe room. Or are we supposed to buy that the employee transported them to another location without being missed in costume (a very dangerous costume that could easily malfunction at any moment)?

The only way this could work was that he transported the kids to the location in the first game (which would have to have been open as a sister location despite serious downgrading while the franchise was hot). This is easily done, he just has to sneak out of a huge, heavily populated building (FNAF2) location in full costume, into a crowded parking lot, into his van (good luck doing this in a Springtrap suit), drive to the other location (FNAF1) sneak from that parking lot with the kid(s), and enter the secret room (that must not be seen by customers) located right next to the main entrance! Then he stuffs them in suits, likely getting very bloody, for which I hope he took off that Springtrap suit! All that wetness, struggling, and heavy breathing can cause some serious lock up! Now he can just leave the suit, likely bloody (because who would notice that?). However, should he take the suit off before the murder, he himself would be quite bloody. He could put the suit back on, but then he would again have to sneak through a bunch of people (good luck explaining that to management and security) back out of the building and to the previous location. Since one of the Springtrap suits is missing, we can assume that the suit was hidden, so it’s unlikely he returned with the suit. In any event, he has to explain his absence, and leaving/exiting the building in a suit as well as revealing a hidden location to the customers. Yeah, that’s plausible.

That’s some serious twisting to make this one work.

Building layouts in FNAF1 and 2 makes no sense.

According to the maps of the first two games, rooms are situated so there is no spot for an entrance or emergency exit. Nor or room proportions shown accurately. But this is a minor detail that can be explained in terms of practicality. What I’m really concerned about is the layout of the security offices.

In the office shown in the first game, we have some old-looking security monitors huddled up against the front wall of the office on a desk. Fine. But why is the security guard seated (or standing) so far from the desk? And why are there two heavy, bay type doors at both entrances? Am I supposed to believe that having those impractical doorways is much cheaper than two thin wooden doors? If the restaurant has an energy problem, why on earth would they build these?

As for the office shown in the second game, is the office meant to be part of the attraction? This could make sense. All the customers can fully see the security guard at his desk. While this might instill a feeling of safety in the parents, it’s still kind of unnerving because it is a reminder of possible kidnappings and such in a place meant to provide a fun escape. There’s a reason security stations are sort of hidden. But I could give this one a pass. However, there should still be a door, lest some criminal or kid get into the security office and steal or start messing with the equipment. And what’s with all those open, people sized vents everywhere. That’s not only a huge security risk, but a large potential lawsuit right there. And why is the security staff only given just one inefficiently powered flashlight to hold off the animatronics? Why not a large spotlight or bright hallway lights? Why not a door? Keep in mind during the events of the second game, the Franchise has spent big, BIG bucks on the refurbishment of this building.

How do the animatronics distinguish between adult and kids? Why can’t the older models tell the difference between a suit and a person? What good is facial technology if a lot of pedophiles/kidnappers aren’t in the system?

Seriously. This bugs the hell out of me. These things are supposed to be almost sentient, able to walk around (freely), interact with customers, know when to sing and perform together, etc. We don’t see any levers or buttons on them, but supposedly they can be turned off and on, as well as have a “free roam” mode, as evidence by Phone Guy’s phone messages in the first and second games. Also there are modes unlockable in the first two games that indicate that they have advanced activity level settings. Foxy can even run.

Let’s divide the old and the new.

For the four primaries, they can “free roam”, walk on their own, play instruments, and trigger vocal recordings (play music, laugh, etc). This isn’t a supernatural occurence because these are known to happen during the day (that’s how they entertain the kids). We have to assume that these creatures that can walk would also have some sort of motion sensor so they don’t bump into tables or trample children. It is indicated that they can “see”, but for some reason or program to think that a person in the after hours is a hunk of moving metal without a suit, which is also filled with metal. This technology makes no sense.

And speaking of suits, if the suits themselves contain so much metal that it was kill a person forcefully stuffed inside, how do these big, clunky pieces of metal (endoskeleton) get “shoved” inside without damage to both the skeleton and suit? In order to maintain both, the suits would have to be taken apart and fitted over the endoskeleton piece by piece (like we see in the storage room). However these animatronics are programmed to “stuff” a bare endoskeleton into a suit, thus destroying this expensive piece of technology (and the suit). Keep in mind the suits are made out of fabric, they will shred (like we see with Foxy), and the endoskeletons have delicate wires and plugs exposed.

And then we have the new guys. The cute and plastic toys that are considered vastly more advanced because of the facial recognition software. That’s fine and dandy, but why are they coming for the security guard the first night? Also what happens if they spot a predator? Are they like attack dogs? No, in fact we are told they just stare. They don’t send out an alert, they don’t attack, they just glare. The Jeremy Fitzgerald is the only one they come for, and that’s before they are implied to be tampered with.
And according to one recorded message, they start behaving quite hostility toward the adults. Now at what point do the animatronics distinguish children from the adults? Is it after they hit puberty that they are classified as adults? When they start growing facial hair? I’ve seen some nineteen and twenty year olds that could pass for fourteen and fifteen. I’ve seen seventeen year old boys look five years older. Are they like Gremlins? If a nineteen year old turns twenty at exactly 4:30 p.m., do the animatronics suddenly get aggressive? How are these machines sophisticated enough to tell the difference?

Wait, apparently they’re not:

“Uh, now that being said, no new system’s without its… kinks. Uh… you’re only the second guard to work at that location. Uh, the first guy finished his week, but complained about… conditions. Uh, we switched him over to the day shift, so hey, lucky you, right? Uh mainly he expressed concern that certain characters seemed to move around at night, and even attempted to get into his office. Now, from what we know, that should be impossible. Uh, that restaurant should be the safest place on earth. So while our engineers don’t really have an explanation for this, the working theory is that… the robots were never given a proper “night mode”. So when it gets quiet, they think they’re in the wrong room, so then they go try to find where the people are, and in this case, that’s your office.So our temporary solution is this: there’s a music box over by the Prize Counter, and it’s rigged to be wound up remotely. So just, every once in a while, switch over to the Prize Counter video feed and wind it up for a few seconds. It doesn’t seem to affect all of the animatronics, but it does affect… one of them.-clears throat Uh, and as for the rest of them, we have an even easier solution. You see, there may be a minor glitch in the system, something about robots seeing you as an endoskeleton without his costume on, and wanting to stuff you in a suit, so hey, we’ve given you an empty Freddy Fazbear head, problem solved! You can put it on anytime, and leave it on for as long as you want. Eventually anything that wandered in, will wander back out.”

So the problems of the less advanced suits are carried onto the new ones. But if there is no “night mode” given to the animatronics (which means they are constantly in day mode) why don’t they think the people they see during the day are bare endoskeletons??

How can you tell the difference from this

…and this…

…but not this?

Also, your supervisor/trainer/manager Phone Guy has this tidbit of wisdom to share:

” Those older models would always get disoriented with bright lights. It would cause a system restart, or something. Uh, come to think of it, you might want to try that on any room where something undesirable might be. It might hold them in place for a few seconds. (That glitch?) might be in some of the newer models too.” Seriously? How do they handle being on stage and near arcade machines?

And here’s an idea: why doesn’t management just turn them off? Oh, that’s right, “…Something about their servos locking up if they get turned off for too long.” Yep. Total sense.

Whoops, Scott.

Let’s talk about Mangle.

Fazbear’s Entertainment is apparently impervious to lawsuits. Absolutely impervious! So let’s get this straight: despite Foxy being a popular kids attraction, he was deemed too ugly, dismantled, and replaced by the cuter ultra femme Mangle. Okay. Except Mangle was so faulty made (more-so I guess than both the OLDER and newer animatronics) that small children could take him apart. Despite the fact that it’s indicated that this location has only been opened a little over a WEEK, that was plenty of time for Mangle to be routinely dismantled to the point that the staff said “F**k it!” and LEFT HIM IN HIS CURRENT STATE for the kiddies to re-build as part of an attraction. You know, because parents routinely like children’s play things to have wires, hard/sharp edges, and small parts exposed.

Because doesn’t that look like something TODDLERS would want to play with?

“Did…uh… Did Foxy ever appear in the hallway? Probably not. I was just curious. Like I said, he was always my favorite. They tried to remake Foxy, ya know? Uh, they thought the first one was too scary, so they redesigned him to be more kid-friendly and put him in Kid’s Cove. To keep the toddlers entertained, you know… But kids these days just can’t keep their hands to themselves. The staff literally has to put Foxy back together after every shift. So eventually they stopped trying and left him as some ‘take apart and put back together’ attraction. Now he’s just a mess of parts. I think the employees refer to him as just “The Mangle.” Uh…”

Yep parents! Totally safe and child friendly!!

Allow me to quote the great Cinema Snob,

Oh, and this mutha can climb on the ceiling! Because, you know Foxy can run, the Toys can crawl, why not?!

The storyline reeks of Lucasian bull****.

Let me just break down this storyline that has been constructed by Scott in an obvious attempt to placate his simpering fan boys (I love you Scott but it’s getting ridiculous). But allow me to break it down to you in the way it was introduced to the fans.

In FNAF1, Freddy Fazbear Entertainment is a morally (and likely) bankrupt company that owns a local, once popular pizzeria which boasts three (really four) singing, free walking animatronics that are meant to entertain children. It’s just like Chuck E. Cheese, only despite having cuter, way more advance creations, it is not a national brand but just a local restaurant that has run into such money troubles that it can’t afford to maintain one of its primary attractions (Foxy) or resolve minor energy disputes, despite the fact it could easily sell one of these models to a theme park and make beaucoup bucks (but it can afford futuristic laptops apparently).

They have been recently having problems due to a history (revealed in easter eggs) of missing kids and animatronics attacking children (implied to be Foxy, due to his decommissioned attraction). They’ve also been having problems with their animatronics oozing blood and mucus on the costumers (no law enforcement interference here – I guess they were bribed). Then there is also the unfortunate problem of keeping security guards alive or employed, yet we must assume all are dead since this shady company OPENLY REVEALS to new employees that they will hide the body and file a misleading missing persons report (recording on audio tape that they routinely break many federal offenses – how did this company survived this long?).

During the protagonist (Mike Schmidt’s) stay as the security guard (one week) he hears the murder of another employee (phone guy) who is likely a member of management (how did that get covered up?) and is later fired from the job (probably for fixing the animatronics) instead of being promoted. The franchise is faced with closure the next day.

This also begs the question, did Mike sign a non-disclosure agreement?

Now let’s move onto the second game. Welcome back! Only to a much grander, nicer location! Tons of fun new characters as well as the old. Except despite the more advanced tech monstrosities lurking in the vents and hallways this game is set in the past! At least ten years in the past! In the 80’s! Because that makes so much sense!

And remember all that stuff that was revealed in the easter eggs that you were led to believe had happened during the time frame of the first game and in the old location? That was all lies! It happened here instead! In one week to be exact! Because Scott is totally not trying to pull a Shyamalan on the players! Not at all! It just makes way more sense!

Remember back in the first game where it mentioned the Bite of ’87, and you were led to believe it was Foxy who did it, which is why he has been left to rot for so long and the place was left to go all shady? That actually happened THIS WEEK! Which means when Foxy was originally left to rot ages ago, he was decommissioned because he wasn’t cute enough for the 80’s audience (and replaced by Mangle) then REBUILT for the downgrade only to be left to rot AGAIN in the new location! LOGIC!!

Why in the downgrade did they go back to the older animatronics? Because it is heavily implied it was the new animatronics that caused the Bite of ’87. So the older ones are considered safer, despite having almost the exact same technology! And likely being easier to maintain.

Also the kiddies went missing during this time frame. So you had a MAJOR investigation going, an arrest, lockdown, AND the Bite of ’87 all occurring in the same week (roughly within a few days). Yet somehow after a minor snafu in public relations and a trial that we aren’t told the outcome of, this company not only survived, but vastly downgraded and survived another (at least) ten years!

Now keep in mind how many security guards the company must have had to go through since the late 80’s, it must be astronomical, since many don’t survive the second night! Oh wait no, Phone Guy said at the end of the prequel and the beginning of the first game that he took over the night shift. Okay fine, but at some point he left that position and the company felt the need to add a disclaimer about hiding bodies. Not mention that not many guards (according to Phone Guy) last before the third night. Which means this happened quite a bit. I’m not going to try to calculate all the money lost to bribing people and transporting the bodies. Is this franchise located in Gotham? That would certainly explain the lack of lawsuits!

Now let’s move onto the third game. Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzaria is done. Finito! Yet someone (probably a former CEO) decided to start a tasteless horror attraction surrounding the murders of dead children and missing/mutilated employees because there are no such things as lawsuits in this world. In true Fazbear fashion the place looks cheap and gaudy and the camera’s are damn near useless. But hey, at least we now have FIRE EXITS! Baby steps guys!

The surfer dude that runs the place (no doubt a descendent of the infamous Phone Guy) has worked tirelessly to buy (or steal – because ETHICS) every piece of cursed nostalgia from all major locations. Finally he happens upon Springtrap which apparently has an disappearing-reappering rotting corpse inside (or surfer dude is blind). Surprise, surprise, Springtrap is tries to kill the new security guy! Hey, it’s fun!

What’s equally fun is a set of incriminating audio tapes featuring Phone Guy talking about Animatronic death suits and through a series of minigames all taking place in the location of the first game (which as I’ve already explain is highly illogical) the player is informed of the secret rooms and that Purple Freddy Kruger was stupid enough to get himself killed in one, now wants to kill you (for some reason). Anyway, the place winds up burning down because of faulty wiring, though why that didn’t happen with all the wires exposed in the first location (FNAF1) beats me. But yay, franchise done! We know all! Except, not.

Sorry kids, the plot holes have still not been plugged up. But thankfully Scotty has assured us that there is yet another game coming to explain it all. For sure. This time. Can’t really blame him, man’s got bills to pay.

And finally, the simple logic at how the Phone Guy is not the Purple Guy/Killer.

First off, it is HIGHLY, HIGHLY indicated the Phone guy in the first and second games are the same person.

Night 6, FNAF2 phone call:

” Hello? Hello…uh…what on earth are you doing there, uh didn’t you get the memo, uh, the place is closed down, uh, at least for a while. Someone used one of the suits. We had a spare in the back, a yellow one, someone used it…now none of them are acting right. Listen j-just finish your shift it’s safer than trying to leave in the middle of the night. Uh we have one more event scheduled for tomorrow, a birthday. You’ll be on day shift, wear your uniform, stay close to the animatronics, make sure they don’t hurt anyone okay, uh for now just make it through the night, uh when the place eventually opens again I’ll probably take the night shift myself. Okay, good night and good luck.”

Night 1, FNAF1 phone call:

“Hello, hello? Uh, I wanted to record a message for you to help you get settled in on your first night. Um, I actually worked in that office before you. I’m finishing up my last week now, as a matter of fact…. But hey, first day should be a breeze. I’ll chat with you tomorrow. Uh, check those cameras, and remember to close the doors only if absolutely necessary. Gotta conserve power. Alright, good night.”

This phone call shows that he has also been doing it for a long while, likely right after the events of ’87. It’s also safe to assume that he didn’t serve any jail time.

He also, unlike the killer, has empathy and affection for the animatronics.

“Uh, the animatronic characters here do get a bit quirky at night, but do I blame them? No. If I were forced to sing those same stupid songs for twenty years and I never got a bath? I’d probably be a bit irritable at night too.”

Night 2, FNAF2:

” Uh…heh…I love those old characters. Did you ever see Foxy the pirate?”

He has shown an affection in particular for Foxy, “Like I said, he was always my favorite.”

Not to mention that his tone throughout the second game shows his despair at the events unfolding in 1987. He even gets scared for the player and tries to warn them against any intruders (bad “former employees”). Why would a killer do that? I mean it’s so obvious it isn’t him that killed the kids.

Also bear in mind that through his dialogue the game is hinting at another possibility, “Oh, hey, before I go, uh, I wanted to ease your mind about any rumors you might have heard lately. You know how these local stories come and go and seldom mean anything. I can personally assure you that, whatever is going on out there, and however tragic it may be, has nothing to do with our establishment. It’s just all rumor and speculation… People trying to make a buck. You know… Uh, our guard during the day has reported nothing unusual. And he’s on watch from opening til close.”

Why, that looks like a security guard badge! And there was no indication that Phone Guy was a security guard until AFTER the events of FNAF2! HMMMMMM!

“Ok, so uh, just to update you, uh, there’s been somewhat of an, uh, investigation going on. Uh, we may end up having to close for a few days… I don’t know. I want to emphasize though that it’s really just a precaution. Uh, Fazbear Entertainment denies any wrongdoing. These things happen sometimes. Um… It’ll all get sorted out in a few days. Just keep an eye on things and I’ll keep you posted.

Uh, just as a side note though, try to avoid eye contact with any of the animatronics tonight if you can. Someone may have tampered with their facial recognition systems – we’re not sure. But the characters have been acting very unusual, almost aggressive towards the staff. They interact with the kids just fine, but when they encounter an adult, they just…stare.”

Again, sharing info with the new night watchman that he doesn’t have to. A killer wouldn’t do that.

“Hello, hello? Hey, good job, night 5! Um, hey, um, keep a close eye on things tonight, ok? Um, from what I understand, the building is on lockdown, uh, no one is allowed in or out, y’know, especially concerning any…previous employees. Um, when we get it all sorted out, we may move you to the day shift, a position just became…available. Uh, we don’t have a replacement for your shift yet, but we’re working on it. Uh, we’re going to try to contact the original restaurant owner. Uh, I think the name of the place was…”Fredbear’s Family Diner” or something like that. It’s been closed for years though, I doubt we’ll be able to track anybody down. Well, just get through one more night! Uh, hang in there! Goodnight!”

Wow! Major hints here. A “position just became available” on day shift. Who worked day shift before? And there was that strong hint about not letting in any previous employees. Which means that Phone Guy suspects that a recently laid off employee may be dangerous. He wouldn’t think that if he was the killer.

Unlike the Foxy speculations in the first game, here it’s practically being spelled out for you.

“Hello? Hello…uh…what on earth are you doing there, uh didn’t you get the memo, uh, the place is closed down, uh, at least for a while. Someone used one of the suits. We had a spare in the back, a yellow one, someone used it…now none of them are acting right. Listen j-just finish your shift it’s safer than trying to leave in the middle of the night. Uh we have one more event scheduled for tomorrow, a birthday. You’ll be on day shift, wear your uniform, stay close to the animatronics, make sure they don’t hurt anyone okay, uh for now just make it through the night, uh when the place eventually opens again I’ll probably take the night shift myself. Okay, good night and good luck.”

Actual concern for another human beings safety. And looky here, another strong hint. “Someone used one of the suits. We had a spare in the back, a yellow one…” HINT HINT HINTY HINT. Again, why would Phone Guy even mention this if he was the killer. Here it’s implied that the killer used either a Golden Freddy suit or Springtrap Bonnie. A day shift security guard could certainly get his hands on one. He has the keys.

It is also implied Phone Guy died recently, in the location of the restaurant of FNAF1, at the hands of the animatronics and stuffed in the storage room (with all the heads), NOT the sealed up room that wasn’t unsealed until after the first restaurant closed.

“Hello, hello? Hey! Hey, wow, day 4. I knew you could do it.

Uh, hey, listen, I may not be around to send you a message tomorrow. *banging sound* It’s-It’s been a bad night here for me. Um, I-I’m kinda glad that I recorded my messages for you *clears throat* uh, when I did.

Uh, hey, do me a favor. *bang bang* Maybe sometime, uh, you could check inside those suits in the back room? *bang bang* I’m gonna to try to hold out until someone checks. Maybe it won’t be so bad. *bang bang* Uh, I-I-I-I always wondered what was in all those empty heads back there. *chime plays*.

You know…*moan* oh, no – *noises followed by an animatronic screech and static*”

Do those white things look like animatronics to you? And he isn’t holding a phone either when he dies!

Lots of fan boys love to pretend that the above phone call doesn’t exist. Sucks for them, because several things are revealed here. One, the banging is Foxy’s banging. The Chime and moans indicate Freddy and Chica/Bonnie. Which means he is about to get gang-banged by the animatronics, not ghost kiddies. THAT’S A GIANT HINT FOLKS!

Also, he can only be referring to the backstage room when he says “back room”. Remember, the Phone Guy may (or may not) have knowledge of the now sealed rooms, but Mike DOES NOT, nor would know to look for them. If Phone Guy was referring to the sealed rooms to Mike when he said “back room,” Mike would have no idea what he was talking about, and think only about the storage room with the empty heads that the player sees. And remember, he wanted Mike to CHECK!

aka the “back room” with the empty suits and “empty heads”!

And remember, since the sealed room we saw existed in the restaurant in FNAF1 (if we are to buy that twisted logic), and the restaurant was shown in a heavy state of decay, and only featured older animatronics (the four primaries) the events in the minigames (set in that location) could NOT have taken place during the events of ’87. Remember, in FNAF3, Purple Guy dismantled the animatronics in this locale one by one, then later comes back to be confronted by the missing kids’ spirits. At this point the entrance is UNSEALED. Since the restaurant is obviously closed to the public. That meant this time frame could only happen in two instances; either between the events of FNAF2 and FNAF1, and/or after the events of FNAF1 and before the events of FNAF3. Remember, at some point the company sealed off the room, leaving his corpse to rot inside the suit. It is a possibility that this happened before the events of FNAF1, when the company was facing budget issues and heavily downgraded. However, we must also consider the fact that the company was looking to reinvest in the old animatronics. And since the old animatronics were found in the location of FNAF2, it is unlikely the suits were taken to this new location and left to be found dismantled. If you will notice, the suits in the minigames are fully intact. Therefore we must conclude these events take place after the final closing of the franchise. Which would mean that Purple Man was killed after the events of FNAF1, long after Phone Guy died.

Now is that so hard to comprehend? No matter how much the fan boys and immature game theorists want to desperately want to say otherwise, Phone Guy and Purple Man are NOT the same person. Period. No debate, no discussion. Their logic fails.

Frankly, I can’t spell it out any clearer. Just using basic logic here people. Why is it so hard for some to grasp? You won’t believe the circles people will spin just to deny the facts!

Muhahahahaaa!

And that’s it! That’s my lengthy rant. I feel so much better now. Still bitter, of course, but better.

And yes, I actually do like Scott Cawthon and the series. I just did this to tick off the fan boys. Lots of games, even great ones can have plot holes. It just is what it is. In any event, if you have read this far through, you may want to check yourself into a psych ward.