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14.10.14

a thought..

I've been so excited, proud, and amazed with my pregnancy. I wake up everyday and put my hand on my belly. I look forward to reading about what it's up to in there; what systems are in place, what body parts are growing, how much 'he' weighs and how long 'he's' getting. I love seeing ultrasounds, and hearing the heartbeat, because even though I see my belly growing, and I know he's okay in there, as a new mom it's still nerve wracking waiting for that next appointment! I feel so protective of him already, and he's still in my belly.

That being said, I'm having a constant battle in my head regarding people or "friends" who haven't acknowledged my pregnancy. I keep trying to tell myself not to think about it and not to give it any thought. The couple friends I have left - who have been the best supporters ever! - keep telling me that I don't need any negativity in my life right now, and to just forget about them. I really wish I could. Theres a huge part of me that feels super offended and upset that there are a select few who have completely disregarded my baby. This is an innocent little being who has no say in the matter. For people who were once VERY close to me in my life, there are a lot of them who don't care about this baby.... Which is fine I guess... but what bothers me is that they still keep me on social media.

Why? Just "unfriend", "unfollow", "un-everything" me. If there is something that I've done to these people to deserve this lack of acknowledgement for such an important time in my life, then fine... I deserve this. Why just hang out on my social media then? I of course have been pondering the thought of "deleting" these people from my life. I have done this many times before to people who just didn't belong in my life anymore... but these certain few, it just breaks my heart to know that they think so low of me and my unborn child. Theres a part of me that still hopes to get even a tiny bit of acknowledgement, even though I know it's not coming.

This is a huge part of my life. This is my baby! I want my life to be full of people who care about me and support me and want nothing but the best. I don't need constant attention, an ego boost, or anything like that. A simple "like" would have sufficed. One little "congrats". I didn't need a big hoo-rah.. or a long speech... just something quick, simple, and easy. It's hard to not take everything personal lately with these hormones running amuck, but I think this classifies as personal.

Since these people are still on my social media - Facebook in particular - I feel like I'm flooding their news feed with photos of my belly & they're just sitting on the other side making negative comments and snide remarks about it. Or they could just be ignoring it all completely, which hurts just as much, if not more. I feel as though if I remove these people [& to be honest, there's too many individuals who I think feel this way] it'll cause more "drama" or "gossip".

In the end, it just saddens me that not everyone is excited and happy for this little baby to be in the works. A new life is such a miracle. When I know someone who announces a pregnancy, I'm nothing but thrilled for them and 99% of the time I'll throw a quick "Congrats!" out there and "like" a few maternity/pregnancy photos. It just really hurts that I watch these certain people comment and "like" other things, and still completely disregard my life.

To each their own I guess. I shouldn't let something like this bug me so much! It's just hard to let this one go.