please,
tell me that you will love me
despite the scars,
despite the bleeding, and the
reasons i never feel
the same way. i need to know how
much this means
to you. because it never meant a
thing to her. tell me
that you know how it feels to be
numb inside: nothing
inside of you and everything and
everyone on the outside
is a void. i wish she knew how much
i would be willing
to trade if she could only see and
understand me now.

no one could know what it's like
to feel this worthless:
to be and feel so distant from
everyone, and knowing
that i don't want this to happen.
i almost wish i could
stay wrapped in my security blanket
and never leave
again. this is fear at it's
worse, gripping me and not
wanting to let go. i just want to
get away from here
and never come back (but we all
know i could never
do that – such disappointment
would leave me guilty.)

i don't want to be strong
anymore.
i don't want to be pretend –
(but no one can understand
this bleeding girl, who has been
suffering in silence for two
years.)
i don't want to be what i am now
but
i can never go back to who i was
before.

there is nothing left to bleed
anymore.
i don't know which is worse:
wishing i were dead
or not wanting to even exist at
all. there are words
i could never say and emotions i
could never describe.

i would rather be alone than in a
room full of people.
and i would give anything to be in
a room with her.

i want to believe i was made to
dance with you.

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