If I had died, I would have never felt sad at all.

Nightmares throughout my sleeping, images of my falling down in tears while the world walks on by, leaving me alone to die. Everything passing me by so quickly, leaving me behind, while I deperately try to get into the world, only to be shoved back by some force keeping me from being happy. Death having occured after hearing words spoken to me by the only source I thought loved me in the dream. My realizing that was not true to me either, just like the world which has abandoned me. My only hope, gone. Like everything else. Seeing me laying there cold and dead, without any notice, my life meaning nothing at all.

Which is why my mother should have aborted me, as my father had told me she considered before he convinced her not to do, since at that time, he didn't know I'd be born disabled. He was hoping to have a healthy son. What he got was a broken product, hence my SF name. All that I am is that. Something so easily destroyed, so simple to get rid of, to eliminate entirely.
It is about time that happens. There is no need for my existance to continue to be a burden to everyone.

Kurt,
first of all :hug:
second, you know how I feel about you and I think that you are an amazing person, so caring, and friendly, and loving, and you don't deserve this sort of torture that you have been put through, your own personal hell, but I know that you are strong enough to make it through all of this and everybody here at SF is more than willing to support you through your efforts. I couldn't stand to lose another person that I truly care for and I think that none of these people or circumstances are worth losing your life over. You can make it through all of this and make things better for yourself. I'm not going to say that it will be easy, but I'll be here with you every step of the way and will do anything within my power to help you succeed. I hope that you take all of this to heart and continue to strive for that life that you want so much. I'm thinking of you Kurt and remember we are all here, to help and support you! :hug: