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Sunday, 30 June 2013

This is kinda where I want to be right now. Think: beach, hair up, tanned shoulders, sea salt, waves. I admit there is a degree of escapism necessary to pass the days as I contemplate the free-fall that I am entering soon - that of having no occupation. Except for mother, wife, oil blender, blog writer. The idea is tantalising and scary at the same time...

Meanwhile on Friday we saw old friends for the annual get together of 'Thatch Night', owing to the small thatched house they have in their garden. It can hold only 12 people for dinner, no more, no less. It's a summertime, fairy-light lit place where we have many laughs in the past. Still recovering from it now!

Otherwise, I can literally feel my head emptying out of content and all I really long for (apart from the beach) is whiteness, freshness and clear places.

I am conscious that life is entering a different phase - I am reminded how I have left behind those days of toddlers and 7pm bedtimes. We have older children now and the challenges that face us are so different that I can hardly recall worrying about sleep schedules or eating patterns. Now it's a whole other level. I am trying to keep up - to a soundtrack of 'One Direction' and to a curated instagram feed from a daughter who is almost too cool for school! I always find with parenthood that you look at your kids and feel like at that moment, right now is the defining moment of them. And of course moments pass and they change and you look back on photos and are incredulous that they ever looked that young!

It's easy to get into grooves and do the same things over and over in life, because they have always worked, or its what everyone else is doing or some such reasoning. I see this often when mothers decide to have another child - if their friends have and they are surrounded by new babies, they veer towards it in a way that others - who have perhaps come out the other side and have glimpsed life without nappies - wouldn't. I won't be taking that path!

I am all about new grooves and looking at what works and making brave choices to change things that don't. I find that it takes now a good six months for any change to bed in and its affect to be known. So I am going to adjust to that new timetable; you have to see how things sit.

And I notice this too with the friends we have - I subscribe to the view that if you spend time with people who make you feel bad, then don't. Spend time with people who lift you and make you feel good. It's that simple. But in adult life, unlike earlier years, it takes a while to get the bottom of how people make you feel. Old friends are the bedrock and they grew with me, know me, respect me and accepted me when I was not formed. Friends I made on the way; some of whom have stayed the distance and some have tailed off - that is OK. New friends now in a curious period of trying each other out for size, along with seeing whether husbands and kids and lifestyles are compatible. It's almost like dating, making new friends. Or choosing a new sofa! Long term investment; maximum life impact!

What I do know is that along the way I have made some friends for life - without whose weekly contact and catch-ups I would be adrift. I am lucky and it makes me think: live life. Check who you are with. Do your best. Embrace change. Do something new. Be deliberate. :-)

Beautiful post Lou.How exciting that you will no longer be defined by your occupation, but by who you are and what you are passionate about ;-) Embrace every minute because you will look back in 1 years times time and wonder why you were ever nervous about leaving work.

So many new things on the horizon ~ another chapter to add to this book of life. I am with you on toxic people ~ they do not have room in your life but some are harder to extract than others. Love your words ~ always. xo