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June 7, 2010

I was going to write a long intro about how much fun it is to look at the clouds and find animals or boats or flowers in the many shapes. But I figured that would sound too much like an "I'm very unique and interesting" Myspace or Facebook blurb. I don't know if you have noticed this annoying trend, but you certainly will now. Many people list the most random, yet specific, activities in order to add quirk value to an otherwise average profile:

"I like to dance in rain while wearing a top-hat and bright-pink leggings!"

"I like to blow bubbles while singing 'Ironic' by Alanis Morrisette, except I sing it while doing a Kermit impersonation."

"I like to lay in the grass of a football field and look for popular internet memes like ninjas and dinosaurs in the clouds!"

That's all beside the point, though. Basically, I'm not going to write an intro about why it's fun to look at clouds because we all know, right? And none of us are actually unique and different. Especially twins, which are basically just copycats.

Instead, here are some pictures of clouds. Tell me what you see and I'll tell you how I've analyzed your answers and deduced that you are a nutcase. Then I'll charge you $200 because this is the Internet and you should really be careful about which links you are clicking. And yeah, I get that clouds aren't dreams and thus, dream interpretations for clouds probably aren't 100% accurate. I get that. What is this, an interrogation? Pfft...that'll be another $200. You really should pay more attention to where you're clicking.

Read more...Here's what I saw (along with my internet-driven self-analyses). And thank you to my lovely, sequined-dress-wearing assistant, Keene, who looked up each search term without questioning why.

A pig sitting on a bean bag, wearing a Cub Scout scarf around its neck and a corn on the cob on its head.

What does this say about me?

The pig: "Symbolizes dirtiness, greediness, stubbornness or selfishness. Alternatively, may represent opulence and overindulgence. Perhaps it refers to someone who is dirty or someone who is chauvinistic."

The corn on the cob: "Signifies abundance, growth and fertility. Also consider the pun that something is "corny"."

The bean bag: Well, if you can believe it, there are no dream interpretations about bean bags. You'd think these "specialists" were born after the '70s. Okay, I broke it down. Beans: Signifies your connection to your roots and to humanity. They also relate to fertility. Bag: Represents the responsibilities you carry. The symbol may be a metaphor for an old bag, or someone who is old. Okay, so beans + bag = I'm too old to have any more children. I agree. Or it could mean that I carry a bag of humans. And roots. Or human roots. What would that even be? Gross, that's what.

So, I'm a dirty chauvinist who tells corny jokes and is getting old. By the way, have you ever seen a pig's hoof? I mean, really seen one? They're pretty gross. It kind of looks like God punished the animals by forcing them to walk around on severed penises. I Googled for images of a pig's hoof because I was trying to complete my drawing above. But after seeing this (and after puking into my work garbage can, which especially sucks since the cleaning people are on vacation all week), I decided that my adorable Cloud Pig shall be unburdened by penis feet.

Next:

A dragon about to torch a freakin' Jeep!

Dragon: Represents strong will and fiery personality. You tend to get to carried away by your passion, which may lead you into trouble.

Jeep: Suggests that you need to adopt a more active lifestyle. You need to get out and start doing. Alternatively, the dream may be a pun on "jeepin'" which is slang for having sex in the car. Perhaps you need to add some excitement to your sex life.

Dolphin: Symbolizes spiritual guidance, intellect, mental attributes, and emotional trust. Sports car: Signifies that even in pleasant situations, you will be restless and uneasy. Dolphin sports car = smart and fast! The car of the freakin' future!

In conclusion, I, like the dwarf, am not fully developed in most areas, but I am still confident anyways. And the dwarf (not me, though) wants to slap you around, because that's what he likes, and because he is very giving. He just wants to make you happy. Because he likes to be happy. And slapped. I bet the chest hair is fake. And he drives a killer dolphin-car.

Wait, what? I don't remember where I was going with this. Hey, here's Keene! Drunk and singing "Sunglasses at Night"...while wearing sunglasses at night!

I also took a picture of him peeing outside of old-man car. I think the flash caused him to pee on his shoe. Boys are silly.