Plotting the ultimate geek novel

While trawling Amazon a Wired colleague came across a novel called Death Troopers, by Joe Schreiber. The novel is set in the Star Wars universe, and the plot summary describes a prison ship which breaks down in deep space. The crew finds an abandoned Star Destroyer nearby, and goes aboard to loot it for parts.

Then it all goes wrong. The boarding party brings back a horrific disease that kills all but six of the crew and then… the dead start rising.

This lovely bit of pulp horror has generated quite a buzz on the internet. That's because it's the perfect geek novel. It combines Star Wars and zombies, and its cover – depicting a severed stormtrooper head impaled on hooks – has more than a severed sinew of torture porn about it.

This got me thinking about other perfect novels for geeks.

1. Battlestar Galactica versus the Dominion: Galactica finds a wormhole near Kobol that sends it deep into Dominion space. A shapeshifter gets aboard and takes the place of Gaius Baltar, who through the medium of acting like a madman and dribbling on about nothing over the radio manages to incite a rebellion and overthrow Admiral Adama. Meanwhile Lee and Starbuck escape and run into Captain Cisco and his entire senior staff aboard the Defiant. Lee enlists their help, and upon returning to Galactica Bashir faces Baltar in the ultimate posh English doctor-off.

2. Transformers versus Doctor Who: After saving the Earth from a Sontaran Invasion, the Doctor returns to his Tardis with Donna, hoping for a well-earned break in the Eagle Nebula. On attempting to operate the main console the floor erupts in a cascade of interlocking parts as the Tardis transforms into Soundwave, who takes the pair to Mars to meet the Fallen. They are tossed into a cell with Sam Witwicky and Mikaela Banes, where they are tortured by Ravage repeatedly vomiting on them. Sexual tension erupts between the Doctor and Mikaela, ending with a hotpant-clad catfight between her and the jealous Donna as the Doctor battles Megatron and Starscream with his Sonic Screwdriver.

3. Sliders versus Saw

Convinced by Dr Geiger that they are about to slide home, the hapless Sliders instead end up in Jigsaw Universe. In a world full of innovative traps and torture equipment, they frantically try to avoid a grisly death until the timer hits zero. Rembrandt has a leg and an arm severed by a surprise bandsaw attack, but after he holds the limbs to his bloody stumps when entering the vortex they become once again fused to his body.