February 24, 2009

Although hash trash is not generally known for its accuracy, it should be noted that the earlier posted report on last night’s run was very wrong on one point in particular.

There was in fact adequate trail marked for the entire journey to the HHH for both runners and walkers. Those that choose to hash home early (which is deemed acceptable by all hashers, provided they accept any consequences that may be thrust upon them at the lippery) should not assume that the trail is incomplete. Give credit where it is due, last night’s hare or was it hares, provided an excellent trail. In my humble opinion if the hare is prepared to set the trail, we should at least try to follow it.

Despite a case of terminal glow in the dark lumpy sunburn, Flasher volunteered to set this week’s trail in lieu of Cheese. Cheese had injured his hamstring playing girl sport and was capable only of menial tasks like turning the sausages and doing the lippery. Walking the dog was out, so Giggles did that. Portholes, Swallow and Peachy visited from the southern clubs, arriving on the Queen Mary in Devonport and catching the Trakka Shuttle to Ulverstone. Feels on Wheels led the pack to the edge of the drained estuary until the mud bogged him, whereupon he and a fan club of clean-shoe wimps hashed around to the cricket club. Trail begged imagination once it returned to the Main Road…in fact there was no flour to be seen and each hasher got to choose their very own scenic root home. Thrust had hurled together a smashing spread of tucker, but failed to comb her hair, so it doesn’t count. In charge of circle, Cheese punished the good while FC punished Dint. Swallow took a down while Portholes and Peachy pissed on their shoes. Mabel somehow took home the Hub on a foot fault. After Flasher and Cheese demonstrated how lethal a humble lemon can be, we all went home. The lemon is still in orbit around Uranus.

February 25th—LH3/4 does the Launceston Cup to celebrate its newly ordained cummittee. Special privileges available from Puss in Boots at the hospitality tent. February 28th—March 1st - H5 Hamilton weekend

March 4th-9th—Rainbow’s Hash assault on the Overland Track

April 4th-5th—Weekend HOFT—Saturday walk into Montezuma Falls at Rosebery, then on to Queenstown for an overnighter – caravan park or motel depending on numbers – Sunday walk to Nelson Falls. Anyone interested contact someone who looks a lot like Flasher but isn’t, cos we’re never going on another Flasher HOFT. (flasher@dhash.com) Note that daylight saving ends on this weekend.

February 19, 2009

A less than quality pack (short quite a few Burnie Hashers) rocked up late, very late, or not at all to Parramatta Creek Rest Area. Cheese, Crow and Soff were all late starters, but too bad, trail Mistress Pioneer had already called them on, across the highway into the orchards. Amid a sea of windfalls, Koff decreed no handling of the fruit - only Dint had permission. FC was tempted by Eve and all the other harriettes, and ate Phay Wray’s Golden Delicious. Flasher handled his own fruit. Dyke looked for a Geeveston Fanny but could only find a Granny Smith. Urang asked if anyone had seen his Cox’s Orange.

Meanwhile Pioneer, in a mad blind state, split the pack and took half of them the wrong way while hare Dint screamed at her like a girl for missing half of the trail.

After a cold chook and salad on-on, Crow was presented with the Hub, which was macramé’d to the seat of his bike for a very stimulating ride home.

Next week’s r*n 23rd February will be set by Cheese from Cheese’s Place, 33 Amherst Street Ulverstone, catered by Thrust.

February 15, 2009

Ready to impress all and any men in Hobart Town a well dressed bunch of red-dressed and pinky cheeked Hashers assembled at Regatta Point in Hobart. Being Valentine's day we probably just looked like a bunch of over enthusiastic lovers, but in fact we were dressed not to kill, we were dressed to collect. Using the CF Tasmania supplied caps and bags we hit the streets and Salamanca Market.

Most people we apprehended donated out of fear for their virginity or maybe they just wanted us to get out of their face. We collected $1500+ and had jolly good time.

Our next run is set by Dint from the Paramatta Creek BBQ area on monday 15 feb!

February 10, 2009

Crab commandeered his dear wife to whip up a good reception in their backyard...

And domineering PB lived up to her name by getting Poxy to submit for a 'portrait'.

Next Run is set by Dint based from the Paramatta Creek BBQ/Rest area, approx. 6543kms along the highway from Devonport towards Launy...

But first we'll all meet next Saturday (14 January) at The Red Dress Run in Hobart: A life-changing r*n (just ask Smallgoods). Cost $25, starts from the Regatta Pavilion, Hobart. Be there by 1.30pm, for a 2pm photo and underwear swap.

February 8, 2009

Dini's Burnie Trashes are posted on-line. Feel free to download a copy, or even several of them, and burn them. There are enough to start a fire on par with Victoria's bush fires, so you are warned! <click here >.

In Dini's latest edition we have the following not-to-be-forgotten dates mentioned:

February 14th, 2009 Saturday—Valentines Day Red Dress R*n, Hobart, supporting Cystic Fibrosis Tasmania. Sixty Five Roses could get you the Valentine of your dreams (in a red dress with hairy legs). A life-changing r*n—ask Smallgoods. Cost $25, starts from the Regatta Pavilion, Hobart. Be there by 1.30pm, for a 2pm photo and underwear swap.

February 16h, Monday 6.30pm—Devonport HHH r*n set by Dint from somewhere annoyingly east of Devonport. Check the blog for annoying details.

February 20th-22nd, 2009—Swine 09 Park Beach Pig Pen Run @ Nugent.

February 25th—LH3/4 does the Launceston Cup to celebrate its newly ordained cummittee.

February 28th—March 1st - H5 Hamilton weekend

February 28th— Launceston H3 AGPU

March 4th-9th—Rainbow’s Hash assault on the Overland Track

April 4th-5th—Weekend HOFT—Saturday walk into Montezuma Falls at Rosebery, then on to Queenstown for an overnighter – caravan park or motel depending on numbers – Sunday walk to Nelson Falls. Anyone interested contact someone who looks a lot like Flasher but isn’t, cos we’re never going on another Flasher HOFT. (flasher@dhash.com)

June 21st, 2009—Burnie Hash House Harriers 1000th R*n— it’s bound to be a long night...

July 1-4, 2010—Sarawak Rainforest Interhash @ Kuching, Borneo.

For the latest jokes you will just have to download the latest Burnie Trash here.

A ventriloquist comes onto the stage with his dummy and starts his act. One bit requires his dummy to tell Dumb-Blonde Jokes. After a few jokes, an angry blonde woman finally stands up and starts speaking her mind.

"I have had it with the stereotyping of all blondes being stupid!" the woman yells, and she continues ranting on about this.

Finally, the ventriloquist says, "Sorry ma'am ..."
The woman cuts him off by saying, "You stay out of this. I'm talkin' to the dummy."

The Odd Sock Hash

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Listen and Learn!

DH3 Hash Song

Good ol’ Devonport for ever,We’re the best hash club around,We know how to take the short cuts,In the bush or in the town,Side by side we drink together,From a stubby can or glass,Good ol’ Devonport forever,Burnie takes it up the arse.

DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN

If you are bored with the songs we sing why not learn a couple of these songs:

NW Google Hash Group

Burnie TRASH Repository

Burnie Trash, including select historical editions, can be viewed on line <here>.

OFFICE BEARERS 2017-18

DH3 Committee 2017/18

Grandmaster - Crab

Joint Masters - Pioneer and Bastard

Trailmasters -Bald Eagle and Maggie

Walkers Trailmasters -Soff and Shagadellic

Hare Raiser-Guardy

Hash Hops -Cheese

Hash Cash -Tracka

Hash Stats -Tracka

Hash Lip -Crow and Soff

Hash Flash -Gone Again

Hash Hawker -Bastard

Beer Bitch -Tinsel

Hash Scribe -Tracka and Tinsel

Hash Texta -Guardy

Hash Monk -Cistern

Independent Hash Marriage Guidance Councilors -Koff

Wrigged Wraffle -Tracka

And incidentally,....

1. HASH HOPS: This is unquestionably the most important position in the hash. The Beermeister has the weighty responsibility of making sure that the lifeblood of hashing is available at each and every hash event. He keeps constant vigilance to find the cheapest spirituous fermenti available, always has coolers in the trunk of his car, cases of beer in his garage, and reliably returns the empty keg to get another full one for the next hash. While this might be a "pain in the ass" job, it's undoubtedly the most important one to the hash.

2. GRAND MASTER: The head hasher. The chairman of the board. The big cheese. The HMFIC. The guiding light. Gispert's legacy. The GM is not simply a figure head for the hash, rather (s)he personifies the hash's character (or lack thereof.) (S)he leads with a dynamic strength that permeates the fabric of the organization. Both directly, and through the hash officers, (s)he gives inspiration, direction, and vision to all. This position ranks only below Beermeister, Hash Cash, Hash Mouth, Hash Flash, and On-Sec in real importance to the hash.

3. HASH HAWKER or HABERDASHER: This is a person who has a flair for fashion, a head for business (who said head?), and the showmanship of P.T. Barnum. (S)he's responsible for the design, procurement, warehousing, merchandising, and vending of items of apparel and various trinkets to the hash. Prior flea market or circus midway experience preferred.

4. HARE RAISER: The Hare Raiser makes sure that there's a hare (or hares) for each hash, and that the start location is known to the On-Sec well in advance of hash day for publicity purposes. The Hare Raiser IS the hare if (s)he can't find anyone else to do it.

5. HASH CASH: The holder of the purse-strings. Someone needs to dash about the start of each hash begging for money. Someone has to keep track of what comes in and what goes out (commonly referred to as "the old in and out.") These generally unappreciated duties fall on the shoulders of the Hash Cash. This trustworthy soul must withstand the whining of the Hares who have overspent, the whimpering of those who forgot their fees, and the interrogations of those who mistakenly think there should be some sort of accounting for hash funds.

6. HASH FLASH: The person who captures for posterity all embarrassing hash moments on film. The hash flash must have an acute sense of the absurd to know what to take photos of, and also a small degree of reliability to bring a camera, film, take pictures, have them developed, and put only the finest thereof into the sacred photo album.

7. HASH HARLOT: A trashy wench who has seen the dark side of hashing... and likes it! One with a lust for life who, revels in being the butt of the jester's ribald wit, the object of the songster's bawdy lyric, and the centerpiece of sensual repartee at all hash functions.

9. LIP : The hash mouth runs the official business at the On-On with an iron hand. (S)he must be loud, clear, passionate, articulate, humorous and possess an uncommon ability to think on his feet. It also helps if (s)he speaks English.

10. HASHIT KEEPER: This is arguably the most complicated position within the hash hierarchy. The responsibility surrounds custody of a large cardboard box (or entire house) filled with the flotsam and jetsam of past hashes. Precisely why this crap is retained is a mystery shrouded in the mythology of hashdom. However, the hashit itself rarely makes it to the hash, although the custodian is usually there himself. This reinforces the argument that remembering to bring the hashit is probably beyond the cognitive ability of your average hasher.

11. ON-SEC: This position is the masochist's dream. (S)he struggles with piles of paper, miles of computer wire, and might attempt to occasionally produce a Hound Directory or Hash Trash to keep the hash members somewhat informed. (S)he is the principal "outside" representative maintaining the Harrier.Net Worldwide WebSite, the hash membership data base. Boring stuff to say the least.

12. RELIGIOUS ADVISOR: Keeper of the faith. Enforcer of the scriptures. This is the hasher who has seen the light (Bud light) and can taste in his soul the true spirit of Hashing. The religious advisor spreads the word and inspires the zest and zeal of the hash in all participants. Any hasher found transgressing the spirit of hashing is disciplined by the RA. (S)e is the keeper of the sacred Laws of Hashing and comes up with sufficiently plausible lies to cover any serious questions of propriety of actions within the hash.

13. SONGMEISTER: This is a hasher with no self-respect. (S)he never lacks for a song suitable to the occasion. His songs are risqué, lewd, and vulgar. The Songmeister speaks with other hashers and hashes to acquire songs to add to the hash hymnal. The mission is to explore new tunes and new celebrations. To boldly go where no Songmeister has gone before (pardon the split infinitive.)