I've died and now I have come back

This morning I was at the grocery store. I turned down the pasta aisle and that was a major mistake. There was a cart in the aisle and a couple approaching me and I pulled my cart over as far as it would go and the gentleman said, that's ok, we're both fine. I proceeded to go my merry way.

That was cut short big time.

This gentleman followed me and tapped me on the shoulder and said, ma'am may I say something to you? I said I'm sorry I don't have the time to chat, I am under a deadline. He went on to say that 18 years ago he was in a truck accident and his rig turned over six times. He died and went to heaven and Jesus sent him back to preach the gospel. I said to myself, "shit", not another Toon Looney. I said, I'm sorry but I don't have the time to chat right now. It was 5:30 and I thought I would have some peace and quiet to myself.

But that wasn't meant to be. I proceeded to continue with my shopping when this man started preaching and following me everywhere I went. I asked him several times that I was not interested and therefore please leave me be. He wouldn't. I tried to find a manager only to be told that one was not available and no one would step in to get this idiot to leave me alone. I called the police and not one cop showed up.

This man went on to say that Jesus told me to talk to you and that it is up to me to show you the error of your ways and bring you back to the fold. Excuse me?

Why is it that xtians want to talk bullschytt to you they use God and Jesus in the mix? Just say that you want to discuss something with somebody. I know I would say no or that I don't have the time to chat, but at least be honest with your bullschytt.

Dufus went on to say that it is the woman's fault that this world is so screwed up. He said that God cursed the earth and woman for the world's transgressions and that is up to the woman to turn the world over back to men and learn to keep quiet. He also said that there are 7 churches in the buybull and that Jesus has exposed all 7 of them. He also said that it said for us to get rid of the Korans as well. He said that it was in the Book of LSD oops, I mean Revelations. He said, did you notice that my wife kept going without me? It is because she knows her place and she knows that I am spreading the gospel and she does not want to interrupt me.

I said to myself, no she did not want to be bothered with you.

Now as I can recall, those so-called 7 churches are the churches of Asia and if I am not mistaken there's nothing about the Koran. Mr. Screacha said that the screacha in Florida was to burn all of the Korans and he didn't. He also said that Obama was wrong in not backing Jeremiah Wright and therefore this country was suffering for it.

He said and he was wrong again, he was a good judge of character and he knew I was a prayer warrior and that I prayed to Jesus several times a day. If he knew what was going through my mind at that time, he would have a whole different opinion of me.

He even tried to show me a mark hidden under a bandage that was supposedly given to him by Jesus and was told not to expose it until he heard from Jesus. He said that he is part of a heavy metal band called Power Rage and they are a xtian band and that his band is on facebook. I could care less.

I sometimes wonder if there is a sign on my forehead saying I want Jesus and his followers to bother me?

Next time hold up your finger in the air and put your other finger to you ear and say: "Hold on A sec... Yes lord I'll telling him..." Then say to the guy: "Friend, that was Jebus and he told my to tell you that you got it all wrong and he wants you to go away and stop bugging me.

I get creeped out by people like this haha. Once upon a time there was a man who would ask me to come to church with him once a month so I could get baptized. He kept showing up to my job and asking me if I believed in god in front of customers (who were also Christian sheeple) who would then proceed to spew neurotic rhetoric for the next hour. And complain to my manager about me not having the correct religion.