Bringing Your Nigerian Husband to America

I found this, presumeably, helpful article on www.nigeriansinAmerica.com. The writer, Patricia Daboh is an African American lady who recently got married to a Nigerian man in Nigeria.

Soul Sista a/k/a Soul Sizzling

I am Patricia Machele Daboh, and I wrote and submitted two articles entitled, Nigeria Is Beautiful To Me and Rejected For Loving A Nigerian Man on Nigerians In America. You can access that website at www.nigeriansinAmerica.com. As a result of that article, women, who are engaged to Nigerian men and want to fly to Nigeria to get married, have asked me questions ranging from purchasing a passport, visa, shots needed, purchasing the airplane ticket, the wedding ceremony, and filing the necessary paperwork in order to bring their Nigerian husbands back to their country. I am by no means an expert on this subject, but one thing I have that these women lack is “the experience of the Immigration process”. Matter fact, we are still going through that process. At this point, my husband’s visa-issuing paperwork has been sent to the Lagos, Nigeria Embassy, and we are now going through the “Visa” process, which is conducted by the National Visa Center. After we successfully complete that phase of the Immigration Process, my husband will have his interview at the Lagos, Nigeria Embassy. So, with that in mind, I want to share what I know at this point and have experienced, for I do not want you to have any misconceptions about the length of time it will take to finally be reunited with your husband. It is not an overnight process, and to have a better idea of what to expect will elevate some stresses and disappointments that may come during the waiting process. Therefore, I have put together this information to aid women in bringing their Nigerian husbands to the United States. Best wishes to you all!

IMPORTANT INFORMATION

Before I begin, I want you to understand (with 100% clarity) that if you have not met your Nigerian fiancé in person (meaning you met him over the internet or by some other means and have not physically been in his presence) DO NOT waste your time and money by filing an I129F Petition For Fiance, for you will be denied. That petition allows your fiancé the privilege of coming to your country, but one stipulation, which they will adhere to, is that you must first have met your fiancé within two years prior to filing the fiancé petition. How do I know that? My husband and I tried it (without my having met him), and we were denied. The cost of the I129F Petition For Fiance is $170.00, and you will not get that money back when you are denied. The Immigration does approve some of those petitions if you have not met your fiancé in person, but those are circumstances where perhaps his cultural custom does not allow you two to meet prior to the wedding day (that was stated in my denial letter). If that is not your case, do not waste your money. The cost to appeal your petition, once denied, is $385.00, but why try to appeal the decision when your circumstances does not warrant an overturn in your situation. We learned that the hard way. You do not have to learn this lesson the hard way, for I am writing this to help you avoid that!

TRAVEL DOCUMENTS

I wanted to talk about the travel documents you will need first because many of these documents are time sensitive, meaning you MUST have these documents and forms way in advance of your planned trip, or you may not be eligible to travel during the time period you desire.

At the time I was planning to meet, my then fiancé, and travel to Lagos, Nigeria for my wedding, I searched various websites trying to find out what I needed to travel to Lagos, Nigeria, and the one I found the most helpful, who processed my visa, is Travel Document Systems, Inc. There are other ones out there also, which are probably full of important and necessary information as well, but I, personally, liked the Travel Documents website the most.

I recommend this website highly, for it fully explains every piece of document you need to travel. Traveling to meet and marry my husband was my first airplane ride and the first time I flew out of the country. So if I, an inexperienced flyer, can get it right the first time, so can you. I will give you the short version of that information.

You need the following:

PASSPORT – There is a time frame in processing a passport, so you should purchase one well in advance of your expected travel date. I went to our main post office branch in the town where I lived and got an application. At our post office, I had to make an appointment to do the actual processing of the passport, but you should pick up your application prior to your appointment and have the application filled out. The cost for your passport is on the application, so you can refer to that for the cost.

PASSPORT IMPORTANT INFORMATION - If you already have a passport, you must have at least 6 months travel time left on it before it expires, or you cannot use that one.

PASSPORT PICTURES – You will need 2 passport pictures to submit with your passport during your appointment. But, it was cheaper for me to get my passport pictures taken somewhere else and bring my pictures with me. The post office has equipment set up to take your passport pictures, but it is usually a little more costly. For example, the post office charged $15.00 for 2 passport pictures, and I had them taken somewhere else for $7.99 for 2 passport pictures. Make sure you choose the RIGHT background color for the passport application (read the color requirements on the passport application before taking the picture).

YELLOW FEVER VACCINATION – In order to enter into Lagos, Nigeria, you will need to get a Yellow Fever Vaccination. I got mine through the Health Department. International shots usually must to be scheduled in advance, so you should call your local health department and see how much of a time frame you need to take the shot. If my memory serves me well, you must get your shot within one month before you leave (please double check this out on the website in order to stay within the time frame). The total cost for my Yellow Fever Vaccination where I live was $122.00 (Ouch it stung, girls)! Now there are many more international shots you can get if you want to (optional), but you MUST get this one in order to enter into Lagos, Nigeria (not optional). My Yellow Fever Vaccination Certificate was stapled in my passport, so it could be verified as I went through the custom check when I landed in Lagos, Nigeria.

VISA – You MUST also purchase a Visa in order to enter into Lagos, Nigeria. Again, the website that I recommended, can process that for you. I had my visa processed through them (Travel Documents). In order to process a Visa through them you must:

Apply for and receive your passport first, for you must send the passport to Travel Document Systems, Inc. in order for them to put your Visa sticker on one of your pages in your passport.

Send your original birth certificate with your visa application and passport. They will return it when they send your passport back to you with the visa attached to one of the pages.

Send your International Certificate of Vaccination (what you receive after you take your Yellow Fever Vaccination) along with your application and passport.

Send them a Letter of Invitation from your fiancé (he has to write it, sign and date it). The letter invites you to come to Nigeria as his guest. It should include the dates in which you will actually spend in Nigeria. NOTE: This was required on Travel Document Systems, Inc. when I purchased my Visa. Check to see if the Letter of Invitation is needed now. If in doubt of this being needed to obtain your visa, call Travel Document Systems, Inc., and talk to a representative.

You must send Travel Document Systems, Inc. a copy (not original tickets) of your round trip airplane ticket or an itinerary from the Travel Agency who booked your flight. This will show you intend to go back to your country after your visit.

You can purchase a visa for single or multiple entries. If you need it expedited (processed quickly), there is an additional fee for that.

If you have any questions prior to sending in your documents to process your visa, please call them, for you do not want your visa to be denied or delayed.

IMPORTANT NOTES ABOUT TRAVEL DOCUMENTS

It is totally your responsibility to have all of your REQUIRED documents on you to enter into Lagos, Nigeria once you board an airplane. Not having all the documents after you land in Lagos, Nigeria can get you in legal trouble. You can be arrested for that! Make sure you have everything you need!

Make at least 2 copies of your passport and International Certificate of Vaccination (your visa will be on one of your passport pages, so if you copy your entire passport, it will be copied also).

Give a copy of your passport and International Certificate of Vaccination to two reliable people. If you lose your passport, or it is stolen while you are in Nigeria, you CANNOT leave the country without it! If you make copies, than you can contact those persons and have them sent to you Fed-Ex (not the regular mail please for security reasons). Take that copy to the Nigerian Embassy, and ask for assistance.

A friend of mine told me about a woman that flew to a country to marry her fiancé. The couple had no pictures taken, no official documentation proving that they were married, and it took three years (yes, shockingly 3-years) to get her husband back to her country.

After hearing that story, my husband and I decided that we would not let that happen to us, and we do MORE THAN WAS REQUIRED OR ASKED FOR in order to prove and validate that our wedding was legal. Some of what I am going to tell you is not required, but again I say, we did MORE THAN WAS REQUIRED in order for Immigration not to ask us for even one more piece of paper to make a decision on our petitions. Therefore, we did this when we were married:

We were married at the Marriage Registry in Apapa, Lagos, Nigeria. At the time we were married (January 4, 2007), the Marriage Registry married couples on Thursday and Saturday only. We choose to be married there because:

A couple must undergo marriage counseling prior to the ceremony, and when we did that, it gave us a legal paper trail of what we had done.

The Marriage Registry gives you a Marriage Certificate, Witness Books (thumb prints of your witnesses in your Witness Books), and it is also a very strong legal paper trail of what you have done

My husband hired a person to videotape our wedding

My husband hired a person to take multiple photographs of our wedding

We had two witnesses at our wedding (my husband’s niece and my husband’s best friend, who was his best man)

We asked my husband’s niece to sign a SWORN AFFIDAVIT that she witnessed the wedding. We also had some of our wedding pictures stamped and swore in along with our Sworn Affidavit to make the pictures legal documents of the court. The Sworn Affidavit was registered in the High Court of Lagos, stamped, and given back to me to include in my paperwork for when I would came back home and filled out the petitions to bring my husband and stepson to the states. My husband secured the services of his lawyer to assist us with the Sworn Affidavit, and he processed this for us (for a fee of course).

We opened up a joint savings bank account with both our names on it to prove that as a married couple we have assets together in Lagos, Nigeria.

It does not matter the amount of the bank account, but the savings account record will show you own something together as man and wife.

NOTE: The things above were done to make sure that Immigration did not come back and question the legality of our wedding, for the Marriage Certificate, Witness Books, Sworn Affidavit, photographs, and savings account strengthen our position as having a legal and valid marriage. We were prayerful and determined that it would not take us three years (as was the case in the other woman’s situation) for my husband and stepson to get approved. And, thank God, he blessed us in that respect!

G-325A BIOGRAPHIC INFORMATION FORM

Before going to Nigeria to be married, you should call the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) office and order the forms that you need to fill out on behalf of your husband when you get back to the states. One form in particular that you need to take with you to Nigeria, so your husband can fill out is the G-325A Biographic Information form. This form requires residency and work history information for the past five years. You must submit one for your husband and yourself for each petition (I130 and I129F) you file. Your husband needs to fill out two of these forms, so you can file with each petition when you go home, so take two with you when you go. The phone number to USCIS is 1-800-375-5283. You will need to order (1) I-I130, I129F, and G-325A forms. I suggest you order at least two (2) I130 and I129F petitions in case you make an error, and four (4) G-325A forms in case you also make errors. Usually the G-325A comes attached with the I-129F petition, but make sure to request it anyway.

I130 IMMIGRANT PETITION FOR RELATIVE, FIANCE (E), OR ORPHAN

In researching the quickest way to get my husband over to the United States, we decided to apply for K3 and K4 Visas. For more information about the K3 and K4 Visas, please read about it on the website at www.state.gov/travel. You may choose to go another route, but I am giving you information for following the route my husband and I took.

FIRST, I filed the I130 Petition, and as soon as I received the I-797C, Notice of Action (which is a notification from the USCIS Office letting you know they received your petition and how it is being handled), I made a copy of the I-797C Notice of Action and included it in my I129F Petition that I filed next. Please do not delay filing them back-to-back, for if you do, it will take longer in getting your husband approved.

Now, let’s back up here somewhat. The I130 Petition is the first petition you should file when you return home. If you have ordered the petitions (I130 and I129F) prior to leaving for Nigeria, then there will be no delay. The cost to file the I130 Petition is $190.00. You should fill out the form in its entirety, and follow all instructions. Make sure you fill the petition out correctly, for you do not want delays due to errors made on your part. Do not forget to include the G-325A Biographic Information form with this petition! Read carefully which USCIS Office you should mail your petition to, for that will vary according to where you live. I read through the directions, highlighting important information, so after I filled out the petition; I knew exactly what to do with it. Again, mistakes can cause delays, so if you need to get someone to double-check behind you, please do. Better safe than sorry!

Important note: Make sure they have your husband’s name spelled correctly on the aI-797C Notice of Action. If they do not, contact them immediately, so this can be corrected. You do not want problems later when his visa-issuing papers are sent to the Lagos Nigeria Embassy, and his name does not match the paperwork sent.

I129F PETITION FOR FIANCE (E)

Immediately after you receive the I-797C, Notice of Action, letting you know that your I130 Petition has been received, make a COPY of the I-797C, Notice of Action. You will include it in your I129F Petition for Fiancé (e). If you DO NOT include the I-797C, Notice of Action, the immigration process will not be sped up on your behalf. IT IS A REQUIREMENT THAT YOU FILE BOTH THE I130 AND I129F PETIIONS. AND WHEN YOU SEND IN YOUR I129F PETITON, YOU MUST SEND A COPY OF THE I-797C, NOTICE OF ACTTION FROM THE I130 PETITON. Do not forget to include the G-325A Biographic Information form with this petition!

As was said about the I130 Petition, you should already have ordered the petition before you went to Nigeria, and therefore, you can file the petition as soon as you receive your I-797C, Notice of Action from the I130 Petition. Do not delay doing this! The cost to file the I129F Petition is $170.00.

Make sure you send the I129F Petition to the right location. The directions say if you filed an I130 Petition and are also filing an I129F Petition, then you must send it to a particular location.

For example: I mailed my I130 Petition to the USCIS Texas Service Center, P.O. Box 850919, Mesquite, Texas, 75185-0919. I live in South Carolina, and South Carolina residents are required to mail them at that location. I mailed my I130 Petition on January 19, 2007 to the USCIS Texas Service Center. The USCIS Texas Service Center forwarded my petition to the USCIS California Service Center (for that office processes the I130 petitions), and the USCIS California Service Center received my Petition on January 22, 2007. My I-797C, Notice of Action for my I130 Petition was date January 26, 2007 (fast turn around)!

NEXT, I mailed my I129 Petition to USCIS, P.O. Box 7218, Chicago, Illinois, 60680-7218 (for the directions said to do so) on March 1, 2007 (overnight mail). As you will see, I did not file my I129F Petition immediately after receiving my I-797C, Notice of Action from my I130 Petition. The USCIS, Chicago, Illinois office received my I129F Petition on March 2, 2007, and my I-797C, Notice of Action was dated March 6, 2007 (fast turn around).

On March 15, 2007, the National Benefits Center in Lee’s Summit, MO sent me an I-797C, Notice of Action stating that on March 6, 2007 they received my I129F Petition, and they were transferring my I129F Petition to the USCIS California Service Center in order to speed up processing.

On April 24, 2007, I received an I-797C, Notice of Action informing me that my I130 Petition was APPROVED for my husband (stepson included). On April 25, 2007, I received an I-797C, Notice of Action informing me that my I129F Petition was APPROVED for my husband (stepson included), and the dates of the I129F Petition will be valid from April 25, 2007 to August 24, 2007.

So it took from January 19, 2007 (the date when I mailed my first petition) until April 25, 2007 to receive APPROVAL NOTICES for both petitions (3 months and 6 days)! God is good!

I was told that the visa-issuing papers were being sent to the Lagos Nigerian Embassy for my husband.

NOTE: Even though your husband’s visa-issuing paperwork will be sent to the Lagos Nigerian Embassy by the National Visa Center, you still MUST go through the “VISA” process prior to your husband’s interview at the Embassy. That is the Immigration stage my husband and I are now experiencing.

NATIONAL VISA CENTER

The National Visa Center wrote me a letter dated March 11, 2007 informing me that my husband’s visa-issuing paperwork was being sent to the Lagos Nigeria Embassy within the next week.

On June 11, 2007, I received a letter from the National Visa Center letting me know I must pay the $70.00 Processing fee in order for the Visa to continue to be processed. It is called the Affidavit of Support (I-864) Processing Fee Bill. I mailed that on June 18, 2007, and the National Visa Center (in St. Louis, MO for all Visa payments go there), have up to twenty (20) working days to process my payment.

After my Processing Fee is put in their system, the National Visa Center located in Portsmouth, NH will give me permission to send file my financial information. I must file more I-864 forms showing my financial standing. If you want to see the “Poverty Guidelines” that is allowable, please see form I-864P on the http://travel.state.gov website.

Please note that you cannot apply for federal means-tested public benefits to assist you in taking caring for your husband and/or his children. That means you cannot apply for food stamps, Medicaid, Supplemental Security Income (SSI), Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF), and the State Child Health Insurance Program (SCHIP). That also includes any state means-tested public benefits, which vary from state to state.

So in other words, you must be financially sound in order to bring a husband to the United States. Please go to the website at http://travel.state.gov to see the various I-864 forms you need to fill out once the National Visa Center gives you permission to fill them out and send them in for verification.

After you send in your Processing Fee, you can get your financial documents together, so there will be no delay in sending in these forms.

CHOICE OF AGENT AND ADDRESS FORM

When the National Visa Center sent me the bill for the Processing Fee, they also included a CHOICE OF AGENT AND ADDRESS FORM, which my husband MUST fill out and mail back to the National Visa Center. He is giving the NVC permission to send any paperwork on his behalf to me, who will be listed as his “agent”, so I can process the Visa fees once we pass the inspections of my financial documents.

BE WISE

If you do not have a good paying job or do not meet the I-864P Poverty Guidelines (see 2007 guidelines), now will be the time to seek other employment. You do not want your husband approved to come to the United States only to be denied due to your lack of finances. Of course, your husband may work after he comes to the United States, but he has to file paperwork in order for that process to take place. In the meantime, you must be able to take care of him, and any stepchildren, prior to that happening.
CONCLUSION

As I said at the beginning, my husband and I are not finished with the Immigration process, and I still have more to share with you as our experience unfolds. But, I wanted to share our experience with you, so you can have an idea of what you will face when you marry a Nigerian citizen and desire to bring him into the United States. It is a lengthy and expensive process, and you must be willing to wait patiently for your husband to come to you. It also requires a lot of faith, for you can be denied at any phase of the Immigration Process. After reading this article (Part I), I hope it helps you understand it more. Please be on the look out for Part II, in which I plan to share the rest of the Immigration Process and the Joy of receiving my wonderful, Nigerian husband, whom I love dearly!

Warning: This is an Old ThreadThis discussion is older than 180 days. information contained in it may no longer be current

Re: Bringing Your Nigerian Husband to America

Thx so much Soul Sista! I actually know Patricia and she is such a beautiful person! Patricia is an educator and is a credible source in all she is sharing here. Her husband is in touch with my husband to me to help him know the process also as e will be married in November. It is so appreciated that Patricia share this information so that this process can move much smoother for those of us who have found our love in the beautiful country of Nigeria!

Re: Bringing Your Nigerian Husband to America

There's nothing so strange about meeting your spouse a few days to your wedding. Even for non-intercontinental couples, it happens a lot.

It is also not an indication of how good the marriage will be or how long it would last. What works for some people may not necessarily work for others.

My friend's mum met her dad physically a few days before the wedding. before then, they were just pen-pals (that was in dem days!). Almost forty years later, they are still having a swell time.

Uncle Tisha,

While I agree with your statement that there is "nothing wrong with meeting your spouse a few days to your wedding", it is important though that the couple go through a "vetting" process ahead of time to make sure that they are generally compatible, have many common interests, share similar goals about life, marriage and kids, exchange pictures to make sure that they are physically attracted to each other, etc. That could be achieved through the pen-pal process you alluded to, the Internet, and other non-conventional means.

Originally Posted by UncleTisha

Coming down to you, Mulan. I'm sure when one of dem Nonees eventually make it to Edinburgh (after a lot of lyrics and jarasis, to be honest!) we might be saying the same thing!

Re: Bringing Your Nigerian Husband to America

WOW! So many wonderful comments. And THANK U FOR UR SUPPORT ALL - esp Uncle Tisha! It is so good to hear someone point out that this has been done - and still is. And as LionKing points out...I think it does help that there are no romantic expectations at the outset of a marriage. For myself and my fiance, we have talked online for over a year before we decided this is what we really want. We have also talked cam to cam, so there is no deception about what each other looks like, etc. We also talk very frequently by phone and text also. there has been significant communication about many things along with difficulties we may encounter in marriage. Our communication is very solid and our common ground is our faith in God and our religion. We understand each other as if we have known each other forever. We have both had prior relationships and we are both around 40 years old. So we are not young, delusional children - ok - we DO act like that at times tho LOL! Just like in real life, we have had disagreements throughout our time knowing each other - once even discussing calling it quits - which we have also worked thru. The thing that is precious about this relationship...it is NOT based on lust or only physical attraction. We talked for several months b4 even seeing each other. In fact, it never even came up that he was black and i was white...we had too many other things to discuss and were finding out we think the same! After seeing each other c2c, we also did find out that the physical attraction is there on both sides....but based on what was in our hearts first. It is just so good to hear that there are other ways to meet, fall in love, and begin a life than f2f. We have also discussed where to settle - USA is first, yes, cuz of my children - but if that is not possible, we will move to Nigeria. Priority is that we are together...where is not such an issue. Thank u all for being so supportive. Unfortunately, Americans...r not necessicarily so...(((HUGS TO ALL)))

Re: Bringing Your Nigerian Husband to America

Could it also be that these marriages succeeded in part because there were limited, modest or virtually no romantic expectations in marriage in those days?

LionKing:

Who knows? But, certainly, it is a possible thesis. The one thing that I know is that for me, myself and I, nothing going on without romance (and finance too o - from both parties).

To be quite serious, it never ceases to amaze me how condescending we are in this generation about such practices in past generations. I remember getting into a hot argument with a group of my African girl friends because I suggested that there was nothing wrong with an Indian friend of ours who was going into an arranged marriage (arranged, not forced or child marriage). Please, what is wrong with an arranged marriage? People have conducted such marriages for generations and many have worked. Or, at least, there is little evidence that they have worked less than these our supposedly love wantintin and romance filled modern marriages. I think we have had such a debate in this village before as well.

Also, I believe that the types of marriages that Uncle Tisha refers to can work. These days, I have learnt to just shut my trap when grown adults say how they met. Because, there is really no one recipe, IMHO, for the initial meeting that guarantees success in marriage. None! I have seen marriages of people who knew themselves so well, knew each other's families etc etc fail miserably. Then, I have seen, particularly among my Indian friends, marriages that work even though the parties hardly knew each other before they got married.

These lessons have made me to become very open minded to both what one might consider extremely conservative pre-marital meetings and other new age sorts, including dating services that exist just to match people in marriage or on-line meetings. At one time in my life, I had so many rules: ehen, you cannot meet the person in a nightclub (can you imagine, as if normal people don't go to nightclubs!!), you must meet the person through a friend, you have to court for at least a year etc, etc. And, with such rigid rules and attitudes, one probably, and in hindsight, possibly unfortunately, discouraged budding relationships that friends and relatives were forming. Now, I have seen too many things that have drawn a big fat zero across my theories, so, so long as the people are adults, I just pray for them to succeed and I move on. There are numerous ways to enter the market of marriage.

Re: Bringing Your Nigerian Husband to America

Who knows? But, certainly, it is a possible thesis. The one thing that I know is that for me, myself and I, nothing going on without romance (and finance too o - from both parties).

To be quite serious, it never ceases to amaze me how condescending we are in this generation about such practices in past generations. I remember getting into a hot argument with a group of my African girl friends because I suggested that there was nothing wrong with an Indian friend of ours who was going into an arranged marriage (arranged, not forced or child marriage). Please, what is wrong with an arranged marriage? People have conducted such marriages for generations and many have worked. Or, at least, there is little evidence that they have worked less than these our supposedly love wantintin and romance filled modern marriages. I think we have had such a debate in this village before as well.

Also, I believe that the types of marriages that Uncle Tisha refers to can work. These days, I have learnt to just shut my trap when grown adults say how they met. Because, there is really no one recipe, IMHO, for the initial meeting that guarantees success in marriage. None! I have seen marriages of people who knew themselves so well, knew each other's families etc etc fail miserably. Then, I have seen, particularly among my Indian friends, marriages that work even though the parties hardly knew each other before they got married.

These lessons have made me to become very open minded to both what one might consider extremely conservative pre-marital meetings and other new age sorts, including dating services that exist just to match people in marriage or on-line meetings. At one time in my life, I had so many rules: ehen, you cannot meet the person in a nightclub (can you imagine, as if normal people don't go to nightclubs!!), you must meet the person through a friend, you have to court for at least a year etc, etc. And, with such rigid rules and attitudes, one probably, and in hindsight, possibly unfortunately, discouraged budding relationships that friends and relatives were forming. Now, I have seen too many things that have drawn a big fat zero across my theories, so, so long as the people are adults, I just pray for them to succeed and I move on. There are numerable ways to enter the market of marriage.

Soul Sista a/k/a Soul Sizzling

Well said SS!

When it comes to Love/Marriage there are no rules. Know your each others roles and respect each other. Everything else would fall into place.

Re: Bringing Your Nigerian Husband to America

Who knows? But, certainly, it is a possible thesis. The one thing that I know is that for me, myself and I, nothing going on without romance (and finance too o - from both parties).

To be quite serious, it never ceases to amaze me how condescending we are in this generation about such practices in past generations. I remember getting into a hot argument with a group of my African girl friends because I suggested that there was nothing wrong with an Indian friend of ours who was going into an arranged marriage (arranged, not forced or child marriage). Please, what is wrong with an arranged marriage? People have conducted such marriages for generations and many have worked. Or, at least, there is little evidence that they have worked less than these our supposedly love wantintin and romance filled modern marriages. I think we have had such a debate in this village before as well.

Also, I believe that the types of marriages that Uncle Tisha refers to can work. These days, I have learnt to just shut my trap when grown adults say how they met. Because, there is really no one recipe, IMHO, for the initial meeting that guarantees success in marriage. None! I have seen marriages of people who knew themselves so well, knew each other's families etc etc fail miserably. Then, I have seen, particularly among my Indian friends, marriages that work even though the parties hardly knew each other before they got married.

These lessons have made me to become very open minded to both what one might consider extremely conservative pre-marital meetings and other new age sorts, including dating services that exist just to match people in marriage or on-line meetings. At one time in my life, I had so many rules: ehen, you cannot meet the person in a nightclub (can you imagine, as if normal people don't go to nightclubs!!), you must meet the person through a friend, you have to court for at least a year etc, etc. And, with such rigid rules and attitudes, one probably, and in hindsight, possibly unfortunately, discouraged budding relationships that friends and relatives were forming. Now, I have seen too many things that have drawn a big fat zero across my theories, so, so long as the people are adults, I just pray for them to succeed and I move on. There are numerous ways to enter the market of marriage.

Re: Bringing Your Nigerian Husband to America

If Neophyte was my close friend or sister, I will suggest that her first visit to Nigeria to meet her fiance should really be a fact finding trip and a time to find out how compartible they are! Taking all the time you need to find out about a man that you will live happily forever after is not asking for too much really.

Re: Bringing Your Nigerian Husband to America

sister, based on the fact that you said you are
1, around 40 years of age
2, a white American, and
3, you have kids, i'll implore you not consider staying in nigeria after the marriage as an option. you sure dont want to start your life together with strains when you can avoid that.
best.

Re: Bringing Your Nigerian Husband to America

Originally Posted by hopenjoy

sister, based on the fact that you said ...you have kids, i'll implore you not consider staying in nigeria after the marriage as an option. you sure dont want to start your life together with strains when you can avoid that.
best.

Hello Hopenjoy.

For the benefit of my essential memory upgrade, can you please expatiate on your comment above?

Re: Bringing Your Nigerian Husband to America

Originally Posted by lionking

Could it also be that these marriages succeeded in part because there were limited, modest or virtually no romantic expectations in marriage in those days?

Hi LionKing.

IMHO, marriages succeeded in dem days not because of the absence of romance or the expectations of it, but because parties in marriages recognised the roles they were expected to play and played them right. The support system was also good, at least in my own experience.

There were little or no power struggles (as you find in a lot of marriages these days), the press and other media that seems to ram down detestable practices down the throat of everyone were not as militant as they currently are, family values were at the core of many of the mainstream writings, etc.

What we therefore have these days are expectations that society at large have dictated for everyone and some people have internalised; forgetting that no two relationships are ever the same, and that the concept of romance was once the stuff of fairy tales that had no bearing on the realities of everyday struggles..

BTW, I checked for the dictionary meaning of romance. Please check here and here for some interesting definitions.

Re: Bringing Your Nigerian Husband to America

Hi Soul Sister, quite an expose! Just need to add somethings if you don't mind. As an American, you don't need to wait to have somewhere to go before you obtain a passport. As far as am concern, obtaining a passport is something you should do the moment you know how to read and write ... through your parents. It's a form of ID, it establishes your citizenship and it has your picture. Good idea to make copies of your travel documents. Also please report or register at the US embassy once you get to Nigeria you may leave a copy of your fraven documents with them, just in case.

Please people, obtain a passport for you and your family, keep it current. You never know when you'll need it.

Bringing you husband or wife to the US can be a hassle especially when it concerns the US Embassy in Nigeria. The staff can be anal including the Nigerians working there. It takes USCIS about a month to approve I-129F petition and about 6-8 weeks to approve I-130 petition. It takes approximately 5 months from the time I-130 is filed till the file is sent to Lagos. This includes the back and forth communication between the petitioner and USCIS.

Best approach for I-130 though, once you mail the petition, do not wait for response to start gathering your financial papers ... call IRS and request your tax returns for the last 3 years (even though USCIS is going to charge you a fee to verify your income tax return, pay the money but send in your official tax return from IRS, it'll save you time). It's automated and it's free. You should receive them within 7 to 14 days.

When you receive the agent designation form, don't mail it, fax it to your spouse and let he or she fedex it back to USCIS (USCIS allows your to fax it to your spouse but he or she has to mail it back to them .. I suggest you use Fedex, USCIS will receive it in 3 - 5 days. If you see DHL coming, please run! Their mail spends more time in "customs" than in the plane that brough it from Africa; DHL can't deliver mail on time next door in the US). Agen designation allows USCIS to send you papers in the US instead of sending it to your spouse in Nigeria.

If you need to call the National Visa Center customer service, try calling at about 10 minutes before 12 midnight M-F. You'll get to speak to an agent within a minute or two, remember it's not a toll free number.

In terms of Nigerian Visa, I would say apply directly to the Nigerian Embassy in Washington, the application form is available online at the embassy's website. the turn around around time is 2 weeks, but you'll have to send a self addressed return express mail envelop. In terms of shots you need to travel to Nigeria, I would say check with your doctor, it could be covered by your insurance ... if u have one.

The delay in interview schedule is American Embassy in Nigeria's inefficiency. They are noted to deny visas unnecessarily. There's no need to deny someone a K1 visa based on the fact that they do not have enough pictures to prove they have met or that because they didn't have an engagement ceremony, that makes their relationship illegitimate.

The funny thing is, the same documents that got approval from USCIS is never sufficient for American Embassy in Nigeria. Which is why USCIS issued a directive to the state department that for the embassy to deny a visa to an aproved petition, the embassy official must have prove that the marriage or the relationship is illegitimate ... prove or evidence such as someone swearing and affidavit that the relationship is not legit or that the money exchanged hands in the process.

It usually takes about 5 months to schedule an interview in Nigeria for I-130 or I-129f from the time all the process is concluded by USCIS in the US. However, it take a month to schedule interview in other countries. I am told you can go to the embassy and obtain an interview date once you have your approval letter to I-129F (it takes 1 month to get I-129F petition to Lagos from USCIS)

Once you are scheduled for an interview, please make sure you take as much documents as possible there ... e-mails, phone records, pictures, money transfer receipts, etc. If your use phone cards, there are companies that will send you the calling records. Please make sure you use the right company. Suggestion: call the calling card company to send you the billing/calling records for the used phone card, if they don't, don't use them. I found IDT affiliated cards very accomodating. Also there are companies such as tel3advantage and pingo whose transactions are online and you can check your billing/calling records online and print them out, you can also recharge your account online.

Things do happen and if you become unemployed after you file or if you don't think you make enough money at the time, there's provision that you can have a co-sponsor on you affidavit of support.

And for the husbands, if you knocked up your wife and she has a baby before the interview or comes here, be prepared to go home. You will need to report the birth at the embassy. To establish your paternity, you'll need to do DNA. That's $300 each for you and your child ($600). The doctor wont accept Naira equivalent ... strictly the benjamins - $100 bills. The doctor will collect the samples from you and your child and send it back to the US for analysis. It'll take about 3-4 weeks for this process, but be prepared for the embassy staff to jerk you around ... that they haven't received the results. Make sure you asked the doctor for the number to the lab so you can contact them to find out if the result has been sent to Lagos, (also get the doctors's number). If the result have been sent to the ebassy from the lab, ask for the tracking number, track it, it'll tell you when it was sent, delivered and who signed for it (unfortunately the lab uses DHL, you have no control over that, so cross your fingers and hope it gets there on time). The DNA samples are usually collected on Wednesdays in the presence of the emassy officials. Once the paternity is established, you baby will be issued a US passort through the embassy in Nigeria (provided your are a citizen)

It takes about 6-8 months to complete an I-129F and 10-12 months for I-130 ... if you get your papers in order. My suggestion, if you go to Nigeria to meet your husband or wife, just get married and file for I-130. It'll take a few months longer, but your spouse will get his or her green card within 2 weeks of arrival in the US. There's still more hassle with I-129F when your spouse gets here. For 1, with I-129F, your spouse with need to apply for work permit wich costs money, then file for green card, both of you will have to attend the interview .. an all day thing in addition to an all day thing at thing in Nigeria during the visa interview. Just too much hassle for me. Once is enough. Just my suggestion.
Didn't mean to write this much, sorry!

Re: Bringing Your Nigerian Husband to America

There's nothing so strange about meeting your spouse a few days to your wedding. Even for non-intercontinental couples, it happens a lot.

Lionking writes:

Could it also be that these marriages succeeded in part because there were limited, modest or virtually no romantic expectations in marriage in those days?

SoulSista writes:

Also, I believe that the types of marriages that Uncle Tisha refers to can work. These days, I have learnt to just shut my trap when grown adults say how they met. Because, there is really no one recipe, IMHO, for the initial meeting that guarantees success in marriage. None! I have seen marriages of people who knew themselves so well, knew each other's families etc etc fail miserably. Then, I have seen, particularly among my Indian friends, marriages that work even though the parties hardly knew each other before they got married.

UncleTisha, IMO, is closer to the mark, when he states thus:

IMHO, marriages succeeded in dem days not because of the absence of romance or the expectations of it, but because parties in marriages recognised the roles they were expected to play and played them right. The support system was also good, at least in my own experience.

There were little or no power struggles (as you find in a lot of marriages these days), the press and other media that seems to ram down detestable practices down the throat of everyone were not as militant as they currently are, family values were at the core of many of the mainstream writings, etc.

What we therefore have these days are expectations that society at large have dictated for everyone and some people have internalised; forgetting that no two relationships are ever the same, and that the concept of romance was once the stuff of fairy tales that had no bearing on the realities of everyday struggles..

To hearken back to earlier times and extrapolate therefrom, is to make the questionable assumption that times have remained the same.

Soul Sista cited the instance of her Indian friends. What I'll say in response is that, generally speaking, Indian culture, vis a vis Nigerian culture, is more conservative. Remember that this same India was once a colony of the British, yet their colonial masters were unable to make any appreciable dent whatsoever to their cultural beliefs and practices; religion is a striking example.

This, of course, cannot be said of Nigeria and Nigerians. We (especially in the southern part of our country) embraced a lot of the white people's ways when we were colonised.

Moving on, India is now opening up culturally, more from the effects of globalisation than anything else. Square this off with the fact that an increasing number of Indian women are slowly but steadily becoming more assertive in shaping their destinies, unlike the old days.

So, what I'm saying in essence, is that our present cultural milieu (regarding Nigerians) may not be as conducive to 'instant marriage', as it once was. Times have changed. People are more informed. They're becoming more westernised. Women are becoming more assertive about what they want out of life. On the economic front too, men and women are increasingly becoming financial/economic equals, as opposed to the old days, when the husband was usually the 'Oga kpatakpata', with regard to financial decisions/expenditures.

Therefore, if we take all my observations, above, into consideration, its easy to see why it may be more important now to at least 'test the waters', so to speak, before making up your mind to go the whole hog.