I'd laugh my ass off if someone did that to me. It's not even scary or anything, it's just ridiculous. And then he'd go right away.At least it's had that affect when other guys exposed themselves to me.

I have no knowledge of this but I'm oddly envious that somebody has claimed the title of "swiss cheese masturbator".. And now, in his jizzimy shadow, I somehow feel that my life has somehow not been excellent enough.

I think that maybe I too need to claim a title...I'm not sure what it should be but I'm pretty sure you should all stock up on hair nets. Just sayin', I tend to go with my strengths.

cryinoutloud:I'd laugh my ass off if someone did that to me. It's not even scary or anything, it's just ridiculous. And then he'd go right away.At least it's had that affect when other guys exposed themselves to me.

Now that the cheese dick masturbater manhunt has been called off thousand of young Philly residences can return to their eating-cheetos-while-masturbating-to-internet-porn lifestyles without being afraid of being taken into custody in a case of mistaken identity.

I'm glad they acted so quickly, I thought it'd take muenster find him. At least no one blue him and they got him before he could parm anyone else. He's probably going to raclette his decisions now that it's public. He deserves to spend the rest of his life provolone. I bet he thought he'd be real colby jacking off at these poor women. I know if he did this to me I'd probably sh*t a brick. Since the press havarti found out where he lives I'll bet he moves out into a cottage in the country somewhere outside of Philadelphia. And although there still seems to be some holes in this reporter's story, this guy seems to feta the profile. Limburger.

Suckmaster Burstingfoam:Wait, it's ILLEGAL to ask a woman to jerk you off with a slice of Swiss cheese? They really needed to call in the Special Victims Unit?

/would prefer Major Case so we could see how Vincent d'Onofrio handles it

If it's anything like the way he handled Jeriko One, this masturbator is in deep shiat.

quatchi:Now that the cheese dick masturbater manhunt has been called off thousand of young Philly residences can return to their eating-cheetos-while-masturbating-to-internet-porn lifestyles without being afraid of being taken into custody in a case of mistaken identity.

Are we sure this whole thing didn't blow up because he was using Swiss cheese rather than the local cheese variety?

i don't get the comparisons to rob ford. rob is an upstanding Canadian politician who has been honest with the press about his drug habits. he is not a serial masturbator, or sexual predator. he even said he gets enough pussy at home, so he need not wander the city with cheese looking for ladies.

the swiss cheese fellow on the other hand, has probably never been elected to office.

As a woman I really have gotten more disgusting things proposed to me by men, and have sometimes accepted. So he's right on that count (if you click the link to read the email he sent some lucky lady on OKCupid you'll see what I mean) but rubbing swiss cheese on some obese guys c*ck is never gonna be my thing.

Calypsocookie:As a woman I really have gotten more disgusting things proposed to me by men, and have sometimes accepted. So he's right on that count (if you click the link to read the email he sent some lucky lady on OKCupid you'll see what I mean) but rubbing swiss cheese on some obese guys c*ck is never gonna be my thing.

OK, I need some clarification. All of the stories describe him requesting that his victims "use" the cheese on him. What move are we talking about? The "wrap"? A little fondue action? Is the poor bastard going to be able to make use of one of the holes? I need a ruling here. Meanwhile I can't even order a turkey and swiss at the Wawa any more, since all I do is ponder over the after-taste and wonder if any component of it is him. I need a ruling here.

ItchyRash:OK, I need some clarification. All of the stories describe him requesting that his victims "use" the cheese on him. What move are we talking about? The "wrap"? A little fondue action? Is the poor bastard going to be able to make use of one of the holes? I need a ruling here. Meanwhile I can't even order a turkey and swiss at the Wawa any more, since all I do is ponder over the after-taste and wonder if any component of it is him. I need a ruling here.

You should check out the message he sent on OKCupid. Not sure if it's SFW to post inline or not, but my favorite quote from it is "So I found an object that to me best represented girls. It happened to be dairy products, specifically cheese."Maybe it somehow ties into the whole "getting the milk for free" analogy...