How I taught my cat to sit

Over the past few days, I’ve been teaching an old cat new tricks. For much of it I’ve felt like a bit of an idiot. I’d be standing in the middle of the lawn with a copy of The Trainable Cat in one hand and a piece of raw chicken in the other, barking, “Monte, sit!” at a moggy who was doing a very good impression of being an untrainable cat. A few doors down, builders were working on a roof. Every now and then, I’m sure I saw them shaking their heads and laughing at the mad bloke at No 12.

But first, a little bit about the cat. Montserrat Rigby is a 10-year-old British blue. Yes, I know her name sounds like it comes from The Big Book of Pretentious Pet Names, but it’s nothing to do with me. My wife has family in Spain and likes Spanish names. Luckily, the cat arrived before our first child and so took this particular bullet for our eldest daughter, who is called Polly. It’s also an impractical name as everyone shortens it to Monte, assumes the cat is male and, if they are familiar with the film Withnail & I, quotes the famous line, “Monte, you terrible c---”.

Rhymer and Monte try some garden trainingCredit:
Andrew Crowley

Like most cat owners, I have always assumed that cat training is impossible. It’s a joke of the sort you get in Meet the Parents, where Robert De Niro’s cat, Mr Jinx, has been taught to use the loo. I’d also bought into the widespread notion that, if you want a devoted, biddable companion who genuinely loves you, you get a dog. But if you’re not prepared to put the work in, you get a cat.

The cat is quite capable of being trained. She has been taught to use a cat flap, go to the loo in the garden and not scratch the furniture.Rhymer Rigby

Given all this, I expected the book would have all the intellectual heft of an internet cat video. But I was wrong. It’s a weighty and surprisingly scholarly volume and its co-authors have (as it were) impressive pedigrees. John Bradshaw is a biologist and director of the Anthrozoology Institute at the University of Bristol, while Sarah Ellis is a feline behaviour specialist at the charity International Cat Care and an expert in the science and psychology of companion animals.

Monte sits!Credit:
Andrew Crowley

So I persevered, occasionally aided by my daughters, and, by session two, the cat had started to catch on. I’d been using a combination of the book’s Key Skill 4 (marking a behaviour) and Key Skill 3 (luring). “Monte, sit!” I said, and this time, the cat sat, rewarded only with an ear rub. Annoyingly, the builders were at lunch and missed my moment of triumph. As I read through the book, a couple of things dawned on me. The first is that, if I think about it, the cat is quite capable of being trained. She has been taught to use a cat flap, go to the loo in the garden and not scratch the furniture. She has successfully moved house and climbed her first proper tree aged nine. She will, to some extent, come when called. It’s true that when she does so she doesn’t arrive with the bounding enthusiasm of a dog, but there’s something I rather like about her surly, “Oh if I really must” attitude. She is, after all, a cat.

She demonstrates learning, too.

Exhibit A here is that when she smells me cutting up fresh ginger, she comes racing over. She has learnt that this means curry is being made – and that often means raw chicken, her favourite food. The look of contempt she gives me if she discovers I’m making a tofu dish is withering (and, to be fair, deserved).

Getting your cat to sit is an amusing party piece (and one I intend to use at my next party)Rhymer Rigby

In terms of practical advice, I also found the book’s pages on cats and new babies enlightening (“Teach your cat to be comfortable with hearing the sound of a baby’s cry before the baby arrives. The internet is full of freely available audio clips, which should initially be played at low volume and when your cat is relaxed”), although this time is long behind me. When the cat was a year old, Polly was born and Monte suddenly found herself brutally demoted. We muddled through with a few minor scratches, but other people I know found it far more difficult. Here, the authoritative advice to be found in The Trainable Cat would have been very useful indeed.

Monte and the girls are thrilled with her new party trickCredit:
Andrew Crowley

But this also made me think that the real reason cat training is considered a low priority is that it is not as necessary as dog training. Indeed, Bradshaw notes: “I’ve never heard anyone complain about a cat being 'untrained’ – luckily for them, cats are far less of a social liability than dogs are.”

And this perhaps is the heart of the issue: teaching your dog to sit is a part of being a good dog owner, but getting your cat to sit is an amusing party piece (and one I intend to use at my next party). Still, the authors point out that, in places like Australia and New Zealand, legislation is starting to curb (bad) cat behaviour. For those who say that could never happen here: well, back in the Eighties, having to pick up after your dog was pretty unimaginable, too.

The Trainable Cat by John Bradshaw and Sarah Ellis, published by Allen Lane (£20) is available to order for £16.99 plus p&p, call 0844 871 1514 or visit books.telegraph.co.uk