The Xenomorph Was Trying to Save Jonesy

Maybe the xenomorph was really just trying to save the cat:

“He is born and immediately a dude tries to stab him so he runs off. Growing up alone in the abandoned dreary back rooms of a mining ship he lives a life of terror and loneliness wondering when someone is going to return with a knife to finish him off until one day he finally meets another lifeform that isn’t trying to kill him. Jones the cat finds and befriends the juvenile xenomorph sharing his cat food and teaching him how to evade the humans. For the next several hours life is good the Xenomorph grows into a dashing young adolescent all the time never forgetting his good friend Jones. Later he is hanging out in the drippy room grabbing a quick shower and spots his friend Jones being chased around by a maniac. The sadistic human is mocking the cat yelling “here kitty kitty” and false meows. The Xenomorph isn’t looking for trouble so he just stays out of it until it becomes clear that Jones is cornered and he has to act or watch his only friend be murdered. He grabs the human and rescues his friend.

“Shaken by what he was driven to do the xenomorph seeks a life of quiet contemplation moving to the air ducts where no one will bother him. His peace is short lived however and he soon hears the telltale sound of a human approaching. He sneaks closer to investigate the disturbance only to find out that this insane human is crawling around the air ducts firing off a friggen flame thrower. Knowing the risk such a weapon poses inside a pressurized space ship he once again is driven to act disabling the threat and again protecting his life, his home, and his friend Jones.

“At this point the xenomorph knows this madness has to end so he seeks out the humans so they can discuss peaceful cohabitation. He crawls through the vents toward the sound of human voices and peers down just in time to see three of them, the two women and a man beating another human to death. The one man hits the other one in the face with a fire hydrant decapitating him while one woman holds him down and another shouts encouragement from nearby. Faced with the harsh reality that these humans are murderers he knows he has to rescue Jones, jump on the shuttle and escape to a place where they can make a life together free from the madness that is mankind.

“He rushes through the vents to begin his preparations for departure only to find that the humans have beaten him to the supply room and are stealing all of the air canisters for god only knows that nefarious purpose. He calmly approaches one hoping one last time that despite everything maybe the humans will just let him take his friend and leave but as he is approaching the woman to try to plead his case the man sneaks up behind him with a flame thrower. Once more our hero is forced to kill.

“The xenomorph weeps solemnly in the supply room over what the humans have driven him to but in time he pulls himself together and gathers the necessary supplies for his journey. He begins scouring the ship searching for his friend Jones so they can finally leave in peace. He catches his friends scent and as he comes around the corner he sees the last remaining human has Jones hostage in a small container and is menacing him with a flame thrower. Luckily this human is a coward and agrees to hand over the cat in exchange for her freedom. As the human retreats the xenomorph realizes that he has been deceived for without small dexterous human hands he is powerless to free his friend. Our hero is not deterred. He realizes his only hope is to fake his own death and wait for the human to free Jones before swooping in. He hides himself aboard the shuttle and waits patiently.

“The plan goes perfectly with the human entering the ship bringing the trapped cat along and encases it in a cryo pod (presumably to preserve its freshness for when she decides to eat it). But our hero has underestimated this human she is as clever as she is cruel. She unleashes a torrent of steam driving him from his hiding place and as he approaches her once more to simply ask “Why?” she opens the shuttle door venting him toward the cold blackness of space. The xenomorph in desperation clings to the doors trying to scream Jones’ name as the roaring winds drown out his words until the human fires a spear directly through it’s stomach. In a last act the xenomorph desperately clings to the shuttle engines trying to find some way to work his way back inside to save his small friend and as the plasma blasts him into space his last thoughts are of the small orange cat who took a chance on a kid in the wrong part of town.”