How to lose your girlfriend in 10 Valentine’s Day gifts

If you decided to wait until the last minute to buy your girlfriend’s Valentine’s Day gift, we won’t judge. But if you buy her any of the following gifts, we will judge you… and so will your girlfriend.

1. Heart-shaped pizza

Today Papa John’s is promoting their heart-shaped-pizza. Word to the wise: just because there are hearts on it doesn’t change the fact it’s still a pizza and mediocre pizza at that.

2. A gym membership

If you want your girlfriend to walk out the door in the middle of dinner, please give her a gym membership. It doesn’t matter if she has been complaining about how she can’t afford it or loves to work out or has a hot bod already, do not fall in this trap. It’s not romantic. It’s offensive. And you’ll have to do serious jewelry damage control the next day… if you can even repair the damage.

3. Bath & Body works lotion

This store may draw you in with its magical smells and free samples, but unless you are a middle school girl, you should never be caught in this store, let alone buying your girlfriend a Valentine’s Day gift here.

4. Any hair removal device

Not tweezers. Not razors. And definitely not the weird hair removal devices you see on informericals. How your girlfriend removes her hair is or should remain a mystery.

5. A makeover

Day at the Spa? Great gift. Makeover at the mall? Your girlfriend will slap you in the face… or she’ll end up looking like this.

6. Coffee mugs

It doesn’t matter how inspirational the message or funny the joke. Framing your mug shot would be better than a mug.

7. Lint roller

Even if she has a wardrobe of solely black clothing or is wearing an LBD at dinner that night or owns the fluffiest dog you’ve ever seen, JUST DON’T DO IT!

8. The re-gifted gift

Please don’t re-gift. Even if you think you can get away with it, you won’t. The best gift is the gift that keeps on giving – not the gift that’s already been given.

9. I.O.U.

If you need an explanation, just go home.

10. A ring that’s not an engagement ring

Unless you plan on proposing this Valentine’s Day (Congrats if you are!), DO NOT BUY YOUR GIRLFRIEND A RING. Just imagine for a second how badly this could go wrong. If you want to avoid the most awkward night for you and the most disappointed night for your girlfriend, buy her some earrings or a necklace instead.