I'm on the journey to figure it out

Love

Last night I made myself some overnight oats, which was actually a great trick as when I tried to have my usual argument with myself this morning about shall I exercise or stay in bed, I had to get up because I had to have my refuel meal. I decided to go up to level 3 on the Joe Wicks DVD, bloody hell, who thought that 5 seconds more could make such a difference? Feeling achey, but all please with myself, I got ready for work and enjoyed my oats

I was in pretty happy mood for a Monday, work was pretty quiet so I thought I would go online and look for some outfits for my birthday dinner with the boyfriend on Friday. I’m not sure if this was the trigger, as I did find it quite depressing looking at all these slim women and all these lovely dresses and knowing that I was not going to be able to wear any of them but suddenly the black cloud arrived, I had managed to avoid it for the last few days but now it was well and truly here.

By the time I finished work I was a really bad mood and I really didn’t know why!! I felt really fed up, angry & tearful. I wondered if it was a booze comedown from the weekend but I didn’t drink anymore than a normal weekend. I’m already blaming my boyfriend for being moody at the weekend and spending the entire time on the computer with the kids, I worked it out that the entire time the kids were awake and in the house, they were on the computer. Me, I just cleaned up.

I hated feeling like this and havent felt this bad since being on my tablets, it was literally a rollercoaster of emotions, by the time I got home I wanted to cry. To make matters worse, my boyfriend ended up having to work a bit late, which usually I wouldn’t care about and be happy to have the extra time to myself, but today I wanted him home, I don’t even know why as really I just wanted to shout at him for no reason whatsoever.

After being home for about an hour he messaged me to say he was on the train, so I decided to get dinner on the go. Normally I would offer to go and pick him up but I was so pissed off and fed up I decided he could walk for once. Childish I know.

He came home and seemed in a fairly good mood which made me feel a little bit better, we chatted a bit and he asked me how my day was, so I was honest and told him how I was feeling, I left out the part where he was to blame for everything that was wrong with the world, I didn’t think that would help matters. He gave me a big cuddle and we sat and had a nice chilled night together, along with my cheesy meatballs. Heres hoping to a better day tomorrow.