MELBOURNE -- Imagine buying a chicken from the butcher, only to find out when you arrive home that the chicken you bought glows in the dark. This is the harsh reality that we may have to deal with in the future.

Many scientists now claim that glow-in-the-dark chickens are unsafe to eat.

"More and more often, we are seeing chickens mutated to the extent that they glow like kryptonite," said scientist Jack O'Neill. "Its primarily because of what people are now feeding the chickens, from steroids to milkshakes. In the future we could be seeing chickens and bacteria work symbiotically with each other to produce a kind of bacteria-chicken disease spreading pest.

Speculator Peter Costello had a different view on the matter. "Although there is evidence pointing towards hormones, it is impossible to rule out an Al-Qaeda link. They're everywhere man, they're everywhere."

And there's a lot of evidence to back up Peter Costello's comments. Our intelligence sources suggest that Al-Qaeda have not only infiltrated supermarkets, but may have reached out to the extent that they could be watching you right at this very moment.

John Howard was quick to respond to Peter's claims. In a press conference today, John Howard announced the release of a new fridge magnet as well as releasing the following statement: "Well, what I don't think is that we shouldn't be alarmed by these findings. Be alert, not alarmed, thats my motto!"