Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Astrological Inspirations and a New Year

Whether we believe in the power of the stars or not, this seems to be a pretty potent time for astrological portents. The new year is emerging as a time to act and not ponder; this latest Venus retrograde cycle has offered up both challenges to be answered, confusions to sort through, and conditions to shed. Whether these are helpful explanations or simply ideas to ponder as we consider where we fit in the grand scheme of things, I think they're worth taking into consideration.

This tiny painting sits across the living room from me. When I asked the artist (Dalbo Suarimbawa) the story behind it, he said, "You know, when you're feeling like you're..." and when he gave up on trying to find the word in English, he leaned to the left to demonstrate lack of balance. I knew I had to bring the image home.

There has been a lot of leaning to the left in my world of late--for a variety of reasons--and I'm not the only one (I shouldn't feel solace in this, but I do). At yoga last week, when the instructor mentioned that we were still in the throes of a Venus retrograde cycle, the room erupted in knowing groans of understanding. She followed this with, "You woke up this morning. That's a lot to be grateful for." (I've been repeating this statement each morning since I heard it). At dinner afterward, a conversation with a beautiful friend indicated that we were both struggling to find ourselves upright and clear headed of late. I don't think that these moments of being on the edge are inherently bad, but I do know that these moments are inherently challenging.

This seems as good a time as any to ask some tough questions. This seems to be as good a time as any to refine where we put our love and time and energy. Fortunately or unfortunately, these types of refinements require that we face our ego monsters, that we release some attachment to how we expected things to be, face what is, and smile at this awareness.

I have been facing my ego monster as I face what is... quite possibly my least favorite part of myself. How easily bruised, how fragile, how utterly ridiculous it is...yet, to find compassion for this part of myself? To be generous and accepting? Well, that's some work. I'm seeking out new possibilities in the world, which brings with it a feeling of being "judged" and questioning whether I'm "worthy" and when I'm not centered, these feelings can lead to defensiveness or fear, and they manage to gather up all of the fear and judgment I've ever conjured surrounding missteps of the past as they come barreling toward me. Whoa.

And last week I phoned a friend. I said, "I need to say all of this out loud so that I hear how ridiculous it is..." And that's a gift. I woke up this morning. I have quieted my ego. The stars are aligning in ways that might just be a tad more fortuitous than they have been in a while. I'm ready for the shift in the motion. Bring it Year of the Horse.