Saturday, February 13, 2010

Help Aging Parents Look Better Part 3

Can you wear those jeans you wore in high school?What about the dress or shorts you wore in college, the wedding gown or tux fitted specially for that big occasion?

Shapes change and many style conscious men and women pay attention and make the effort to look good the moment they’re aware that their clothes are no longer fitting or flattering.On the other hand, waning energy and less good eyesight can lead to poorly fitting clothes without our parents noticing or doing anything about it

If we see that our parents are neglecting to make the effort to look good, we can try the strategies suggested in the last two posts. If those don’t resonate, having clothes tailored by a tailor or dressmaker is a third option, especially when parents hate parting with clothing.

Adult children who live near aging parents, can assess some of their clothing with them and mutually decide on the clothing that can use an “adjustment.” With the exception of those handy with a needle and thread and a sewing machine, having a professional do alterations on selected articles of clothing is no doubt less expensive than purchasing new clothes and can do wonders to remove the frumpy-dumpy look. So aren't alterations worth a try?

Since Valentine’s Day is here, the opportunity for a small wardrobe update is also here. Assuming a Valentine's gift of new clothing hasn't been given already, does a Valentine-IOU-gift of new clothing or clothing alterations make sense?

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Hi, I'm Susan~

Wife, counselor/educator, author, daughter, far-away-living adult child --with a brother back home. Although my parents died at ages 88 and 94, I continue to be a far-away-living daughter-in-law (her only "daughter") of my husband's inspirational mother (age 99). She still lives independently in her home and is one of the Sr. Advisors to this blog.

My Masters degree, from Teachers College, Columbia University, prepared me for my almost 30-year career as a counselor at one of the nation''s top-ranked public high schools. This led to my first book, Helping Children of Divorce (Schocken Books, mid-80's).

Summer 2008 I completed a manuscript to help adult children facing their parents' aging challenges. A top NY literary agent said she loved the manuscript. However the late 2008 economic climate created a very bad time for publishing. She suggested I write a blog using ideas and insights from the manuscript, as well as timely information. Help! Aging Parents is the result.

About This Blog

Helping parents age well sounds so basic, but it doesn't happen automatically. While we train for the important parts of our lives (childbirth, driving, SATs, jobs), helping parents age well throughout the life cycle is usually on-the-job training--after a health event necessitates fast-forward learning.

Help! Aging Parents is committed to sharing the best information, professional advice, personal experiences and creative ideas to help parents and grandparents age as independently and well as possible until the very end.

If you have older parents this blog is for you, for your parents and grandparents.

* * *

As my parents aged I became aware of a sharp contrast: the ever-present enormous physical and emotional energy of my teenage counselees struggling to develop confidence, assert independence, increase relationships and have fun, while my parents' generation was trying desperately to hold onto these aspects of living.

This led to a disturbing realization: we conscientiously encourage and support younger people who have a full life ahead but--often unwittingly-- diminish and devalue older people. The implications: Younger people feel good about their ability to move forward, while older people can feel "what's the use, I'm old" leading to problems for them and for their children.

This is where we can--and do-- make a difference.

KEY THOUGHTS

• The Right Start Saves Many Problems• Will Actions Empower or Diminish?• Get All Possible Information Before• Does the Quick Fix Harm Later Goals?• Is it Better for Me or for My Parents?• Are Life and Limb Threatened?• Airplane Advice Applies--Secure Your Mask First, Then Help Others• People Change, Not Much