Would You Have Fucked King Tut?

King Tut, the man inside the golden tomb, was previously understood to be handsome and majestic based on the artistic rendering of his face that appears on his ancient burial mask. But a brief pause before you once again fall asleep fantasizing to King Tut rescue fantasy: A new "virtual autopsy" reveals that the Egyptian teen monarch had buck teeth, a club foot, and just generally looked like an enormous doofus.

A documentary set to air on BBC One called Tutankhamun: The Truth Uncovered explains the monarch's virtual autopsy is a composite of over 2,000 computer scans, in addition to a genetic analysis of the king's sibling parents. Yeah, that's right—this guy's parents were brother and sister!!!!

To make matters worse, King Tut was believed to have had girlish hips and, according to a composite image of the former pharaoh, he also wore a diaper, walked with a cane, kinda had boobs, and wasn't an athlete who died in a chariot race like historians previously thought. New details reveal he likely died from an inherited illness. :(

Here's your sexy king in all his glory:

If there were no single guys left and you had a Hamptons timeshare and Becky and Jordan had just gotten engaged and like, why not, maybe he's nice and he's got a ton of gold, have you heard about that gold stash, he might be worth a lay? Yeah?