EXISTENTIAL THREATS AND POBs – BY TOM CURLEY

I’m sorry, but I haven’t gotten all my renewed Star Trek fever out of my system. I’m having too much fun.

So here’s another thing I’ve noticed that was popular in the original series, but not so much in the later ones. The “POB”. Or “PESKY OMNIPOTENT BEING.”

POBs were usually alien races that were once normal biological beings. Like us. Except of course for the mandatory differences in their foreheads, ears or noses.

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But after millions of years of evolution they no longer needed their biological forms and became pure energy. For some reason never explained, this seems to give them omnipotent powers.

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There are two basic groups of POBs. POKs. Pesky Omnipotent Kids. And POAs. Pesky Omnipotent Assholes. The first category made sense. Omnipotent children would build their own planets, capture the Enterprise, annoy the crap out of the whole crew, break the ship and kill a few Red Shirts.

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At the last minute, the parents would show up, fix the ship, bring the Red Shirts back to life, apologize profusely and disappear in a cheap special effect. The crew would all be like WTF? And life would go on to the next episode.

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Later shows, especially Star Trek The Next Generation featured the POA. The most popular one was “Q”.

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He was part of something called “The Q Continuum.” Whatever the hell that was. For some reason, he was obsessed with screwing around with The Enterprise and Jean Luc Picard. In some ways it sort of made sense. I mean think of it. You’re omnipotent. You’re omnipresent. You know everything. You’ve done everything. You know everything you are going to do. After a while. Say a few billion years, you’d probably get pretty bored.

“What am I going to do today? Oh who am I kidding? I already know what I’m going to do and I’ve already done it. A TRILLION TIMES!” Looking at it in that light, I might find it fun to screw up Jean Luc Picard’s weekend too.

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Of course if Star Trek The Next Generation was on the air today it might be just a little bit different.

POA (Star ship Enterprise): . You are now under the command and the judgement of the all-knowing, all-powerful “T” from the “TRUMP CONTINUUM”.

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PICARD: Oh crap.

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ENSIGN CRUSHER:Captain is this a POB? We studied them at the academy. I can’t believe I’m actually in the presence of a Pesky Omnipotent Being!

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PICARD:No you’re not. He’s just a Trumpulan. We’ve dealt with this jerk before. His real name is Donnie. He likes to sneak up on Federation ships, beam aboard and try to convince them he’s a POB.

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DONNIE: No I don’t. My name is not Donnie! I hate that name! It’s “T ! And I have no ship. I need no ship. I am all-powerful!

PICARD:Oh for God’s sake Donnie. Your ship is parked right outside. We can see it right there on the view screen.

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DONNIE:That’s not my ship.

PICARD: Yes it is. Look, it says TRUMP in huge letters right there on the hull.

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DONNIE:No it doesn’t. You’re listening to the lying media again!

PICARD:No, we’re not. We’re looking right at the damn thing!

WORF:Sir, I’ve locked all weapons on the ship. I can destroy it on your order.

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PICARD:Don’t tempt me. Look Donnie, I don’t have time for this. We have to start an episode. Worf, beam him back to his ship and get us out of here. Warp factor two.

DONNIE(as he fades out in a cheap special effect):You can’t do this! Only I can save you! I’m being treated very unfairly! SAD! Buy my daughters clothes! What a world, what a world.

9 thoughts on “EXISTENTIAL THREATS AND POBs – BY TOM CURLEY”

It always amused me that POB’s intellectual capacities had evolved over millions of years to the point where they could control and reorganise matter and energy through their will alone and yet their morals were no better, and often worse, than 24th century humans.

Gahhh. This was absolutely CHILLING, particularly the last bit where that orange piece of rotten meat was featured. But then P.O.A. or not, that thing always makes my gorge rise and some bile ensue. Spot on portrayal of how the thing tends to think and function, btw.

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