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"The man as he converses is the lover; silent, he is the husband." ~ Honore de Balzac

Thursday

Family Law Reform, Inc. was founded upon the same sound promise: that the dream of a decent life, the freedom to pursue it, and the resulting happiness are not for the few, not for those who have the most money or who have the most aggressive attorney, but for each one of us.

Family Law Reform, Inc. is a group of men and women advocating reform for the archaic alimony and family laws.

Family Law Reform, Inc. most immediate goal is the creation of reasonable guidelines in our Floridadivorce law to inform and assist judges in their continuing oversight and orders for alimony. These guidelines would discourage the destructive practice of continued litigation in order to determine a ‘winner’ and a ‘loser’. The present adversarial situation is destroying families while creating wealth for the courts and litigating family lawyers.

Family Law Reform, Inc. most immediate goal is the creation of reasonable guidelines in our Florida divorce law to inform and assist judges in their continuing oversight and orders for alimony. These guidelines would discourage the destructive practice of continued litigation in order to determine a ‘winner’ and a ‘loser’. The present adversarial situation is destroying families while creating wealth for the courts and litigating family lawyers.

If your lawyer doesn't like your personality, it will affect how she feels about working on your case. Rather than looking forward to working on your case, she will have to talk herself into it. Not liking you can affect her enthusiasm for the work, and how well supported you feel during the process.

Any unmarried person contemplating the use of these procedures with another unmarried person must consult a lawyer prior to commencing fertility procedures if they want to protect their rights to, and the rights of, their future children to a parent-child relationship.

Children born into same-sex families frequently are biologically related to only one parent, and the law recognizes only that one parent. The legal status of the child's relationship with her nonbiological parent varies from state to state.

Married people often want their spouse to be different, and to do more things the way they do. But people are different and make different choices. Some people prefer to take the highway, while others prefer backroads.

As a divorce lawyer for nearly 30 years, I have heard many things said over and over. Some ring true, some are born of anger and others concisely set forth the wisdom of those who have learned how to survive this sometimes terrible process.

People need to be educated that domestic violence is far broader than physical violence. People involved in contentious family law proceedings need to proceed cautiously and keep their emotions in check.

After two decades of marriage to Prince Eric, you've decided you want to divorce him. However, the facts of your life together may make it difficult for you to get what you feel you deserve, in terms of division of marital assets.

I was recently contacted to potentially mediate a litigated divorce matter prior to trial, which is rapidly approaching. My name had been included on a list from the attorneys, along with two other mediators.

We get a lot of raised eyebrows when we show up at events together. We are often commended by school teachers and doctors for showing up at parent teacher conferences and medical appointments together.

What happens when there is a dispute between the parties who used fertility to create a child? What happens to the embryos that are cryogenically preserved when the parties have a dispute as to whether they can be implanted, or the prospective parents separate?

Divorce is generally unpleasant. Oh sure, we all have that friend who sails through it with a smile on their face and a spring in their step, never exhibiting an outward moment of hesitation as they move through the divorce with an almost unicorn-like dignity and grace.

Since this is the final article in this series, I am finally going to share the answer I gave the attorney colleague of mine who asked me the following question: "Any thoughts on how to make money as a family lawyer when you're not prepared to screw the other side?"

A great many of my family law attorney colleagues believe that mediation only works under such narrow circumstances, that almost no cases are appropriately suitable for it. They believe that mediation is only effective in family law cases under the following circumstances.

Wouldn't you feel better committing to all those years together if you had a way to measure your marriage's success by something other than longevity -- the only way we currently consider a marriage successful?

I'm going to say it over and over and over again until my last breath -- "Mediation" that is handled as a "settlement conference," but with a "mediator" rather than a judicial officer is not mediation.

The greatest lifeline available is a strong support network of friends and family who can provide shelter and care. If access to cell phones and the vital contacts they contain is cut off, this support system is weakened. It is crucial that we give victims a way communicate with their loved ones to maintain a degree of normalcy in their lives.

Except for the years I was in Juvenile Dependency court, where mediation was available for each case set for trial (but not presently, because that court system does not now have the funds to do so), I can count on the fingers of one hand the times when opposing counsel suggested mediation.

On April 23, 2015, I read an article titled "Solid negotiation skills crucial for family lawyers," which I felt was an important read for both the public and my colleagues. I therefore shared the article over the social media and with the members of the listserv for the Family Law Section of the Los Angeles County Bar Association.

Is there a crisis in the courthouse? Have backlogs, delays, deferrals and/or the downright refusal to…

HAVE LITIGANT'S LOST CONFIDENCE IN THE SYSTEM? | NJ Family Legal Blog

NJFAMILYLAW.FOXROTHSCHILD.COM

Eric, thank you for being brave enough to post this. Yes, as you say, many of your fellow family law attorneys share this concern. You didn't mention the one I was dealing with recently: When attorneys spend a lot of time writing something, sweating every sentence to make it persuasive and legally sound, going back and forth with a client to ensure the points are made as strongly as possible... and then to have it 100% apparent that a judge never even read it, either via an overt, obnoxious insistence that an issue or case be settled when it just needs to be decided or via giving a decision from another planet. It's not only the litigants who are losing faith in the system. For those of us (like you and like me) who care about more than just billable hours but in doing the best job possible for our clients, it's ... well, frustrating isn't the word.

Of course, as with anything in our court system, it's far, far easier to tear down and criticize (see the "Divorce Corp" movie) than it is to come up with realistic suggestions for how to make it better. It's pathetically easy for people to rip into the system, but these same (sometime self-righteous...see the "Divorce Corp" movie) people who are so free to point out what's wrong will cowardly slink away when the topic turns to "okay - so what we do"?

It's an issue I would love to see our brethren (and "sisthen") really take on. Judicial accountability would be one place to start. You know those "review" sheets we get occasionally for untenured judges? How about if we got more of those, and for both tenured and untenured judges? How about if they were read by someone who had the ability to do something about it? At a minimum, lazy judges should not be in Family or criminal - they should be somewhere where the worst damage they can do to someone is financial only (civil / special civil). At a maximum, our State constitution says the judges serve "during good behavior" but never defines that term. I say that being a judge should be the same as any other job - if you show (via attorney surveys, having an astronomical reversal rate for stupid errors) you can't hack it, then your employment ends, just like any other job.

And what's most frustrating is that the Bar Association sections seem far happier to kowtow and sing the praises of our judiciary instead of calling a spade a spade and taking action to really create the kind of system that we can be consistently proud of. Yes, there are great judges, who work hard, who care, who read the papers, who balance things... But, to use an analogy, no one would be asked to drive a car that "only has a 5% chance" of suddenly losing its steering and crashing.

Sorry for the long post, but you touched a nerve with this. As I said, it's an issue I would love to see our brethren (and "sisthen") really take on. I hope others will show the courage you have and that we can really move forward to address the problems.

Welcome new and old members alike. Our organization's focus is REFORMING CURRENT ALIMONY LAW IN FLORIDA, with an eye on future family law issues.

ALAN'S MESSAGE

Alan Frisher, FLR President

Sometimes it's challenging to stay on course when you perceive choppy waters ahead. But staying on course is exactly what we must do.Like you, I wasn't at all happy with the debate. I thought it could have been more structured and much more professional.

The negative advertisements and abusive name calling don't instill confidence or integrity in either candidate. We are not necessarily between a rock and a hard place (although at times it certainly appears like that). In the end you must find your resolve and ask yourself which gubernatorial candidate gives you the better chance for alimony reform?

Yes, I know, it isn't easy, especially because Scott vetoed our bill in 2013. But the fact of the matter is that Charlie Crist is financed by litigating Attorneys. Do you really believe that litigating Attorneys have your best interest at heart? If you do, maybe you should exclude yourself from our membership and donate your money to the Family Section of the Florida Bar.

This is a very close race. Closer than many of you may even think. If you believe that we, at Family Law Reform, have your best interest at heart, please vote for Rick Scott, remain on our membership roster and give what you can to help us work with our legislators for real alimony reform. Don't make our last 6 years of effort worthless. We have worked so hard at educating our legislators and the general public. Don't let your emotional response to the veto get the better of what is practically the correct thing to do.

Let's not change course, but instead navigate through the choppy waters as we are so close to shore.

Alan

New Video Helps Expose Deep Problems
and Conflicts of Interest with Current "Family Law"
System

What motives are behind extended
litigation?

We'd like to share a video that Larry Rutan, one
of our members, put together to explain why the current Family Law
System lends itself to abuse. Larry helps to demonstrate the relationship
between judges, lawyers, and the citizens they are supposed to
serve.

HOWEVER, we must call your
attention to Larry's opening line: "I'm going to prove to you that divorce laws
have little, or no meaning." FLR does NOT agree with this statement. Divorce
law is very meaningful for people who are, or could be, hurt financially in
their marriage.

Divorce law dates back many
years, to English law (and some say even earlier) and is part of our judicial
system: our goal is to reform it, not eliminate it. Having said that, we
encourage you to watch Larry's video, as his compelling story makes valid points
and illustrates how Florida divorce law was biased, unpredictable, and
inconsistent - not to mention unfair - in his particular case. Larry's story is
a sample of the many divorce cases that are abused by current law in our
society.

Tired of listening to rhetoric about
updating alimony laws with little progress to show...yet? Join the Movement!
There will be hundreds of people in similar divorce situations working toward
answers to Florida and other states outdated Family Laws, INCLUDING ALIMONY
LAWS!

Be a part of the solution. When you look back on your life, what
did you do to help fix the Family Law Problem? Hopefully you have written your
legislators, signed petitions, and spread the word about alimony to your
coworkers. If you've done this already...Thanks! If you haven't, it's time for
you to step up to the plate and do your part.Solutions are rarely
convenient. It means taking time out of your schedule to take the steps needed
to make the changes in the laws our families so desperately need. Many new
contacts can be made with people who have the ability to make a difference.
Together, we can make a huge impact on our countries outdated "Family"
laws.The investment in time and money that you make to attend will be
money well spent. We will be connecting with many other people penalized under
today's Family Law System. These connections are absolutely necessary if we
want alimony reform to be a reality.Airfare from Florida ranges from
$225 - $350 round trip, depending on the airline. Book asap. The meeting is
$179 if you book in Oct. and your meals you would eat home or away. The cost of
being a part of the national Family Law Reform movement will long be forgotten
after you experience progress and see the laws being changed.The Family
Law Reform core group will be attending. Join us and hundreds of others in
bringing more attention to our countries damaged Family Law System.

"Parental Alienation"Family Laws Need Your Input

Colorado Study on parental alienation throughout our country needs your input. Here is their request:

"Hi! as you all work with parents and individuals who have gone through divorce, my colleague and I have a research project on parental alienation (at Colorado StateUniversity). We are looking for volunteers who have been the target of parental alienation from their children to complete a survey and possibly be interviewed. We were wondering whether there might be any members of your group who would be interested, or that you can forward this information to? For more details, you can see our lab page here with a link to the survey."

That's what it will take to update Florida's alimony laws into today's
world! In a perfect world we would talk with our legislators, they would listen,
and the law would be changed. We don't live in a perfect world. Far from
it!
The reality is that money talks. Legislators need campaign
contributions, especially now, as the election draws closer. If we can help
support candidates who are pro alimony reform, they will remember us when voting
on the alimony reform bill comes around.
Please do you part in helping
us bring Florida's alimony laws into 2014. Our society has changed, and so must
our laws. Our legislators must hear from you, not just FLR, but from you with
both your story and your money. That's what will change our laws!
Thank
You!

GUBERNATORIAL DEBATE A BUST FOR ALIMONY REFORM INFORMATION

Thanks to "Fangate" the first eight minutes were wasted for the hour long debate, preventing several questions from ever being asked. Both candidates continue to blame each other, while Floridians struggle to make a decision of who to vote for.There is still one more debate scheduled. Even if the alimony reform questions are asked, there is no guarantee either candidate will show their true colors. Gov. Scott said he will consider signing an alimony reform bill that is not retroactive. Charlie Crist says the laws are fine. We just need more judges.No matter which candidate becomes our governor, we will continue to push the Florida legislature toward passing a meaningful alimony reform bill this next year.Please continue to keep alimony reform on the minds of our politicians. Continue your online comments whenever possible. It's YOUR comments to the media that are keeping alimony reform in the news.Here is a comment and a question to the debate panel. Continue our "Comment Campaign" by sending your thoughts wherever possible. You never know when an influential individual will read them

"The Florida Legislature easily passed the alimony reform bill, but Gov. Scott vetoed it - despite majority approval by both Democrats and Republicans. Fifty-five percent of marriages end in divorce, so obviously millions of Floridians are affected by the antiquated alimony laws as they currently exist in Florida.

The only people who gain from the current alimony laws are family law attorneys. I would like to know what the candidates feel about the alimony crisis in Florida."

Choose your own words, but please continue with the "Comment Campaign."

Remember, If we let up...we lose!

Candidate Charlie Crist"Let the judges decide about alimony."

Charlie Crist Responds to Permanent Alimony Question

Politicians are great for talking around a question. See how Charlie Crist answers the question, "What is your opinion of Gov. Scott vetoing the bill that would end permanent alimony?""These cases are all different and unique. That's why we have judges, which is important. I want to talk about appointing judges. But the fact that you have alimony, it's brought about to make sure the spouse, whichever one needs help, gets it. It's a fairness issue. How it's done in each individual case needs to be decided by individual judges, not by the governor, not by the Legislature."

Click Here to read the rest of his response to permanent alimony.Click Here to read the rest of his interview.For those wondering what Charlie Crist believes about permanent alimony, he made it abundantly clear. He wants nothing to do with permanent alimony. According to Mr. Crist, it should be left to the judges. Of course, their final judgments vary as much as the temperatures around the world! With no guidelines Mr. Crist believes our judges are in the best position to help the families going through divorce.

Charlie, we couldn't disagree more!

The job of judges is to interpret the law, but our laws are outdated and unfair. First things first: the LAWS need to be reformed, and then the judges will be able to do their job.

UREGENT 2 DADS HAVE JUST SCALED BUCKINGHAM PALACE ! Fathers have vowed NOT to come down until all children's rights to share equally in the lives of both of their parents are addressed.Activism 2.0 is here!
Posted by Donald Tenn on Sunday, November 29, 2015

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Why say NO to attorneys in the Legislature?

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"So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none. When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision. When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home." (Tecumseh).

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Fathers have become undervalued, family structure has become disposable, children suffer without both parents but so often father is left out, seen as nonessential. Let's correct this by bringing attention to it! We're happy to populate the Internet with information that is helpful, supportive, and conducive to fostering father-child relationships, reducing or eliminating Parental Alienation, for the betterment of our children's psychological and emotional health, and for the future health of our families and societies.

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