If Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's wedding looked crazily ostentatious from the outside -- well, you ain't seen nothing yet. Someone claiming to have been at the wedding has leaked all its over-the-top weirdness to the press. And the wedding sounds just as tacky as you might expect. No wonder Rob bailed before the "I do"s!

According to Page Six, which managed to get the deets from a someone who should know (either a guest or, more likely, someone on the planning side), the wedding had its fair share of delightfully wacko moments. To wit:

- Kanye was a total bridezilla who micromanaged everything and was making changes right up until the wedding. Surprised?!

- A 50-foot tall giant gold box contained the bathrooms. Said one guest, "The toilet was the star of the show," snickered one guest.

- The dinner table was made of marble and instead of placecards, the guests' names were carved into the table. Only quite a few guests had their names spelled wrong. And being carved in marble meant that you couldn't exactly fix it.

- Since so many people brought an entourage with them, the seating chart soon went to hell.

- 30 life-size marble nudes that were commissioned ended up being six because so many of them broke. Were they nudes of Kim??

- Kanye decided he didn't want lights on the dance floor since "I’m in the center of this party, and I’m the only one people need to see." Hahaha, apparently he really said this.

- Kanye didn't like the long white bar for someone reason so he took a chain saw to it and hacked it in half, screaming like a lunatic the entire time. I'm not making this up.

- Will Smith's kid, Jaden, ran around the party in a Batman costume, totally annoying everyone. Guess it's better than being upstairs shirtless on a bed with Kylie??

- Kanye gave a 45-minute toast -- to himself. Of course he did.

- A beam of light that was supposed to spotlight Kim instead focused in on her crotch. Well, it is what made her famous after all.

Wow. And you actually thought you wanted to go to this!

Well, there must have been some good stuff too. Whoever leaked these embarrassing deets sounds like he worked on the wedding and had some gripes about being ordered around so much. But I'm sure Kim and Kanye paid good money for the wedding and wanted it done right.