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In all fairness to Terry, he didn't actually mention birthday wishes specifically (unless I missed something!), so I don't know if he meant that exactly...maybe, maybe not.

But anyhoo, for what my 2 cents is worth, I just wanted to say that on a personal note I don't buy into any commercial days like Christmas, Easter, Valentines, Mothers/Fathers/Pet Cats day etc. As far as I'm concerned I'm not a christian, so Christmas/Easter are out, there was actually no real saint called Valentine linked with Eros/love or the like and, in my heart, every day is Mothers/Fathers/Pet cats day...I don't need a special day in the calendar to tell the ones I love in my life that I love them!

But birthdays...now that's a completely different kettle of fish!

For me, birthdays are the only days I recognise as special days to be truly celebrated. A birthday is the one day that each and every one of us was given life. So in my mind a person's birthday is the only day that truly merits celebration (as well as anniversaries etc, that are personal to individuals of course). And although I'm guilty of not always feeling appreciative of having being given this life (with its sky high ups and crappy downs that I cant always keep on top of!) whenever a birthday comes up of someone I know/love/care about, I make a point of letting them know that I'm thinking of them and always tell them to enjoy their special day. Because to me, that's what a birthday is: special.

Not especially for people who are battling for life against the odds, but for EVERYONE.Saying that though, for people who have battled/are battling for life against the odds, I think that to them every birthday they see is that extra bit special to them, and so it should be! And from what I have understood so far in my mere 34 year-old life, there appears to be nothing quite so effective as a real brush with death to make most people appreciate life!

Whenever I see one of Alanís Birthday Threads in Living With, even though I may not always post for one reason or another, it always makes me smile.

This thread is not about me wanting to stick up for someone I like - although I do happen to like Alan! Itís about me responding to a subject I feel passionately about.

A birth day is where life begins. Life is about living. That's why I think birthday wishes belong in the Living With Forum.

I started to reply to the "anti-personal messages" posting in that thread, but stopped myself repeatedly. I'm sitting here in my office trying to decide whether to reply in the existing thread or start a new one. Sorta crazy isn't it? TGIF Its been a long week. Thank you Melia for making the first move.

Now, to the point. I think birthday messages, personal messages, "Have you seen so and so" messages are fine. There is no harm with them. I actually consider them quite friendly and they speak to what a good group of people are here. It is pretty easy to predict the contents of such threads. If you're not interested, just move on down.

No restrictions on postings or members- well other than those currently outlined in the policies.

Thank you, Melia, for stating so perfectly why birthdays are important to me.

What I don't understand, is why someone would have a problem with it. If you don't want to read the thread, you certainly do not have to. It's that way with all threads. What is unimportant to one person may be VERY important to someone else.

Love to you, my friend....

Alan

PS - if you are fairly new to the forums and you know that I do not have your birthday (my list is about 95% info I culled from the old forums) please send me a private message with it. For example these are some I have NEVER had:Allopathic (Alex)The CanuckGSOGymrat (Ford)Marco AntonioPozBritBobikAZ (is he still posting here? Chris is my American Idol bud!)Kelly, Teresa, some of you newer folks please send me a pm with your birthdate so we can all congratulate you on your special day. You don't have to tell me the year if you don't want to -- but it seems to me we should all be PROUD of those advancing years! ((((((hugs))))))

Edited to add: Dang, I don't have YOURS Melia! Just noticed that.....

« Last Edit: July 21, 2006, 04:51:53 PM by AlanBama »

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"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

There will always be people who will be unhappy with others, for whatever reason, so please don't let them stop you from doing your labor of love. Maybe it's because I am a gay man, but other than my birthday, there are few holidays in which gays are included (really included) and my birthday is the one thing that no one can take from me. Why it bothers some, sour grapes I suppose, or maybe loneliness, who knows and in the end, who cares? If you are so small that you would begrudge someone being told "happy birthday" then you have some real issues to address.

Iím glad you started this thread. And yes you were correct I never mentioned nor did I intend to insinuate Alanís labor of love.

First off, Iíd like to say that I dislike being demonized by the perceptions that some people have of what they think I said or meant in Peterís thread. I donít beat around the bush. If I have something to say to a person I say it openly and to their face. I donít do pmís or innuendoes.

Second, this is a perfect example of what I was referring to. The Bull crap stupid childish nonsense that goes on in the living with forum. Including some of the responses you have already received above.

Third, without falling into playing the same games being played here I was referring to other people ďNOT ALANĒ that are/were airing their dirty laundry here in the Living With forum.

Fourth, and maybe the most important of all. It is exactly Alanís assumption and then his accusation towards me that I very seldom ever refer to myself as GAY. This whole thing is just too fruity for me to handle. Iím first off and most importantly a male. Iím a man of character, morals, pride and dignity. Iím not someone that talks behind someone's back and I would never go in defense of another person (in this case Alan) in order to indirectly stick a knife into someone else's back.

It is exactly this kind of thread, which if I were not the target of, that I was referring to as boring and of no use whatsoever in the living with forum. This has absolutely NOTHING to do with having/living/dealing with HIV/AIDS.

For Christ sakes people, there must be more to your lives than having grown up adults acting like someone just stole your Barbie doll so the skies falling! Gezz!

Iíve never taken the blame for something I didnít do and I sure as Hell am not going to start at this age and point in my life. This thread and this kind of mentality are exactly what I was talking about and I do hope the moderators are listening.

If you don't want to read the thread, you certainly do not have to. It's that way with all threads. What is unimportant to one person may be VERY important to someone else.

PS - I don't appreciate the 'gay' and 'fruity' innuendos. Do you really think that was necessary? I'm pretty mild mannered, but don't mistake that for weakness. You might get more than you bargained for. I haven't survived AIDS for 20 years by being a wimp.

I apologized if I misinterpreted your point in the other thread, that is all I can do. Take it or leave it. If your time was wasted, you wasted it.

« Last Edit: July 21, 2006, 10:22:45 PM by AlanBama »

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"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

TerryI started this as a pm to you - I use pms for privacy and/or tact - but then with your own spirit in mind of saying things openly, I thought ok I'll say it openly.

I wasn't "demonizing you", "talking behind your back" or "sticking a knife in your back" with my thread. If you think I was that's because you have misread the intention behind my thread and because you don't know me at all. Nor was I particularly 'sticking up' for Alan, as I said in my original post. All I was doing was explaining why I think birthdays are important and why they should be celebrated. My opinion. The thing between you and Alan on Peter's thread merely inspired me to write about it.

From what I understand, although this forum is called 'Living With' my assumption was that not all threads have to be specifically about worries, fears, hospital visits, blood count results, drug combinations, side effects, doom & gloom and questions questions questions about hiv/aids. I thought that the crux of a forum such as this was to provide support and encouragement to one another, from one person living with hiv to another. Someone/anyone please correct me if I'm wrong!

Terry, if you choose to think that such thoughts/opinions are "Bull crap stupid childish nonsense" then that's your prerogative and like others have said, you don't have to click on those threads - the titles of such threads are usually quite self-explanatory. Although I have to say I don't know/understand what's changed about you, as only a few months ago you yourself were posting in threads such as these in Living With, showing not only the sense of humour I know you have, but also kindness and compassion:

I'm not 'spying' on you. I just found some of your comments bitter and was just curious to see if you have always felt that way about threads like that. Apparently not.

I'm not looking to start a fight. Unlike you, if I have a problem with someone I often don't have the guts to face it head on. Confrontation makes me fall to pieces, always has! But like you, I wont take the blame for something I didn't do - and in this case, I wasn't demonizing, talking behind anyone's back or back stabbing - I wasn't even intentionally defending Alan. It just so happens my opinion supports his intentions.

This thread was not about "playing games". That's not how I do things.

Like I said, I was going to pm you but I didn't in your own spirit of openess and honesty.

Melia

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