READER COMMENTS; In the East Village, Goodbye to Grit

Published: July 24, 2011

On the cover of last week's Metropolitan section, Cara Buckley chronicled the rich history of two East Village buildings that became a refuge for artists and other urban pioneers in the 1970s and will soon be demolished to make room for a new 12-story building. Following are reader comments about the article. Readers also responded to Karen Hartman's essay about her long legal battle to dissolve her Vermont civil union with another woman so that Ms. Hartman -- who wryly called herself a ''hasbian,'' or former lesbian -- could marry a man. Those comments are drawn from NYTimes.com.

Not since George Gershwin's ''Rhapsody in Blue'' has somebody captured the heartbeat and soul of the city the way your piece did last Sunday. ... It's a classic example of why a quality newspaper will never be obsolete and what a newspaper can do like no other medium can.

Chuck Zovko

When I read your article about the demolition of the buildings at 9 and 11 Second Avenue, my heart sank. When the wrecking ball swings into action, it will flatten the derelict Mars Bar, which, a decade ago, witnessed a most unusual occurrence -- a marriage proposal. It was an unplanned event, of course. I had no ring to offer. There was no fancy dinner, nor an engagement party. I was visiting the Big Apple for the first time, completely devoid of interest in the Empire State Building or the Twin Towers. The sole purpose of my journey was to romance this woman I had met at a friend's wedding two months prior.

For me, it was love at first sight. In August, just before 9/11, I flew from Toronto to begin the official courtship. She, herself an expatriate from Montreal, lived in a cute apartment near Washington Square Park and worked as a freelance writer for Scientific American. I arrived there on the promise that she was to show me the real New York. Keeping true to her word, she took me to the Mars Bar, describing it as a local watering hole that few tourists would dare step into. Back in 2001, the corner of First Street and Second Avenue was sketchy territory, even in the middle of the afternoon.

She fancied vodka soda, and for me it was gin and tonic. In what could be considered one of the most unromantic settings, I eloquently told her that she was the coolest chick I had ever met and that we should get married. Her only reply was that I was crazy. She then turned around, walked to the jukebox and appropriately selected the Sex Pistols' ''Anarchy in the U.K.'' We listened to the tune. It was an awkward moment. I ordered another drink. I didn't ask again, but four months later, she accepted my proposal and we eloped. To make up for the Mars Bar, I took her to Paris for our honeymoon.

In 2008, we returned as pilgrims to this iconic dive bar, and were in awe at the newly built condos just next door. ... It is a shame that New York City institutions like the Mars Bar fall prey to real estate developers. Thank you for honoring the memory of this less glamorous corner of New York City. Your article will now be part of the retelling of our love story to our kids.

Bruno Girard,

D.M.D., M.Sc., Ph.D.,

edited by Diane Girard,

B.Sc., M.A.

Toronto

On Same-Sex Divorce

Could you take a wild guess at why Vermont would have such strict rules about breaking the civil union? It's so people don't just jump through every loophole they can find just because they can.

I am glad that in the end, things worked out, but make no mistake. YOU put YOURSELF in this situation and have no one to blame but yourself. I have always been a HUGE supporter of gay marriage, but your story is honestly the best argument I have seen for the other side. It's rather clear how you view (or at least viewed) the seriousness of marriage. Radie

Queens, N.Y.

To those who commented that the author was too cavalier in jumping into her lesbian marriage because it didn't last: have you looked at heterosexual marriage stats lately? Expecting same-sex couples to treat marriage any differently than hetero couples is a mean-spirited double standard. Kat

Chicago

News flash: You didn't stop being a lesbian. You are/were either

1) Bisexual

2) Still gay and in denial

3) Never gay

Don't encourage the lunatics who say people can effectively change their sexual orientations.

Peter

New York

A lovely, heartfelt essay. Nobody else has lived the author's life, and she is entitled to define her sexual identity as she feels she has lived and experienced it. More importantly, she movingly describes the real human costs that unequal legal treatment of same-sex relationships have had on her and her loved ones. This essay illustrates more clearly than I have ever seen why a ''civil union'' will never be equal to a marriage. Daniel O'Neil

New York

I find your language to be a bit curious -- you say you were ''unable'' to dissolve your marriage. That's false; you could have moved to Vermont for one year (five less than the six you said it took to sort this out) and had the union dissolved. Southern Vermont to New Haven is a long and tedious commute, but it's not impossible.

I'm elated and relieved that New York has legalized gay marriage, but you chose not to get a lesbian divorce. You weren't incapable of doing it.

lauracmills

London

''Used to be'' a lesbian? Some would argue that's as likely as ''used to be black.'' The author raises a valid point about gay marriages and divorce, but unfortunately, my scorn kept blurring the page.

A. N.

Los Angeles

Nice job, Ms. Hartman. I'm sad, though, to read through these comments and see two troubling strains: One is how many are uncomfortable with the fluidity of sexuality. I realize many L.G.B.T.Q. advocates are loath to address this issue, instead arguing that sexual orientation is immutable, like race. But we won't have true equality until we stop worrying about why people love whom they do and just allow them to love. The other troubling strain is this ugly Puritanism that demonizes folks (especially women) who leave a marriage. Humans make mistakes. We change our minds. Our hearts surprise us. The writer did what over 50 percent of the population does. She left her first marriage. Why she did so is a private concern. That New York State did not allow her to divorce for six years? Now that's an injustice we should all seek to redress.