CSPD

There have been a string of crimes at school… This is an email I received today from the police department.

Dear Students,

I’m pleased to let you know that this morning, Crazy School Police apprehended an individual in an attempted burglary in a Directional Campus residence hall. Residents in this hall spotted the attempted burglary and notified Crazy School Police who then caught the person and made the arrest. It is believed that this person has been responsible for the recent rash of student residence burglaries and he will be charged with all those crimes.

I want to thank Crazy School Police for their efforts and also acknowledge and thank the students who called the police and enabled this arrest. Though this arrest may resolve this person’s threat to our community, I ask that you maintain your diligence in keeping your room doors locked, take notice of anyone attempting to enter a building behind you and immediately notify Crazy School Police…

Now that’s not all of the email but a few sentences (bold) bother me the most. Because it’s believed that this person is responsible, we’ll just go ahead and charge them with ALL THE CRIMES. Maintain your diligence about locking doors? You safe, rich children would think to sleep with your doors unlocked and your windows open because one person was apprehended? What the thunder? While I would like to believe you’re smarter than that, I know it’s not true. So sad, so sad.