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Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Even though I know applying logic to Dancing With the Stars is like painting your front door with gold leaf, I cannot resist. With incredible Spockian use of logic and analysis, I am predicting the final three couples for the all-star season of Dancing With the Stars.

My powers of observation have told me that all former champions are going to eliminated before the finals. Deep down, the public feels they had their turn, and the runner-ups deserve another chance. What's more, couples with a professional dancer who has never won will have even more support. SO, in no particular order, here are the final three.

Sabrina Bryan and Louis Van Amstel - Sabrina was totally robbed and Louis has never won. Louis is an awesome choreographer, second only to Derek Hough.

Melissa Rycroft and Tony Dovolani - Melissa is cute and a good dancer, but Tony is the partner who brings all the karma. He suffered through many marginal partners, and most famously, Kate Gosselin. Kate couldn't manage to shut up and follow directions that made her dance better. Tony has been to the final but never taken the trophy home. Melissa is the best partner he ever had, though not necessarily the most interesting.

Kirstie Alley and Maks - Everyone loves watching a train wreck. You never know what will come out of either of their mouths. Maks has been so close to winning but never quite made it. I was most disappointed when he and Scary Spice didn't make it.

Sorry, Bristol, but Mark's former championships doom your prospects. Same for you, Gilles, because Peta, even worse, is last season's champion. And the rest of you former champions - pack your bags, your red light is coming.