Dear Daughter

Be the masculine presence that shows her what a man is supposed to be and how he should act.

Dear Daughter,

Throughout your life there will be people who try to attribute all of your success as well as all of your errors to your gender.

They’ll trivialize your failures and steal your success as if the blood, sweat, and tears you sacrificed were shared by them. These people may not be cognizant of what they’re doing, so as your father, I’m going to make you aware.

You and your brother think differently, act differently, and are built differently physiologically. Because of this I’m sure you’ve noticed that your mother and I have catered our approach to raising the two of you.

Sometimes you get away with more than your bother, sometimes less. We’ve raised the two of you differently, yet loved you both the same, with everything we have in our hearts and we always will.

With that said, there are certain topics which both your brother as well as yourself will have the exact same standards set.

School

While the rest of the world tries to hammer you with their expectations of what girls should be doing, I’d like you to know that you are not living a life according to anyone’s script but your own. Your mother and I have tried our hardest to keep you shielded from the influence of society so that you could develop into your genuine self.

Someday you’ll be venturing out into the world without me being there for you to grab by the hand. Maybe it’s when you go to college and if you choose to do so, I never want to hear that you are focusing solely on STEM careers & degrees because that’s where women are underrepresented.

You are a bright star in a dark world, you need to let that light shine and the only way to keep that fire burning is for you to continue to follow your passions, natural abilities, and personal goals that you’ve set for your life.

Go into whatever field you want to, then live your life by writing the lines up as you say them instead of following the script. You know your mother and I are not the most fond of college unless the degree puts you straight into a job, but we support your decision and reasoning, if you explain it to us, we’ll give you the raw advice you both love and hate so much.

Remember, I’ll never tell you what you want to hear, but rather my true feelings on the subject you present to me.

Work

While society continues to push a completely false narrative and they receive assistance via ads like the one above, you aren’t getting off the hook that easy.

When you enter the workforce it is going to be your responsibility to negotiate your compensation. If you feel you’re worth a set amount, then you make someone pay that amount to get you; if you’re as good as you believe, they will.

If you see a man doing the exact same job and he is getting paid more, look at why.

It’s possible he’s doing more than you see, such as putting in later hours, working side projects, taking fewer vacations, etc.

All of this research into his pay vs your’s will act as bullets in your gun. You can then march to your boss and fire them off asking why he is getting more when you’re doing x, y, and z.

If there is no acceptable justification, then you choose your genuine self over the comfort of the job and leave. Your mother and I would never have an issue with that and would support the decision, that boss sounds like an asshole anyways.

I am not going to berate you for choosing to stand up for yourself. I’m also not going to allow your poor negotiation skills and research which causes you to take a job making less than others be tossed up as inequality for women.

It isn’t inequality, it’s poor planning on your part and you know it.

You are my daughter, you know that in this family we choose that difficult path of reality over the comfort of the lie.

Life

You and your brother grew up with a masculine father and feminine mother, you were able to see how harmoniously a family operates when everyone is filling their natural roles.

It is now your turn to fill the role you carve for yourself.

Don’t let your sisters in society make you feel ashamed for who you are. Don’t let them give you excuses for your failures. Own them, make your life your life and when you lose, don’t blame it on being a woman; when you win, don’t let other girls take it as something which helps their sex.

You win.

You lose.

You live.

Love Always,

Dad

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7 thoughts on “Dear Daughter”

But someday you’ll be venturing out into the world without me being there for you to grab by the hand.

God. I’m not even a father and that churns my stomach.

I like that you point out the differences and similarities between the genders, and that you and your wife raise your children accordingly. I also like the emphasis on personal responsibility that you’ve put into this.

There can be nothing without responsibility and action.

A friend was at my place during the inaugural and just after they kicked things off we were talking about the National Anthem and how we both stood with hands on our hearts, even though we were the only two in the room. I mentioned that “It’s just what you do.”, and he said to me,

“Precisely! That’s how you preserve culture. One step at a time. One action at a time. And teaching your children the same.”

What you do behind closed doors, when nobody is looking, that’s what defines who you are as a man. Good on you and your friend, my eyes water every time I hear the anthem & TAPS? Forget about it, fucking wrecked.