Hi guys. How was the party? Fine. I guess. No! (sob!) It was awful! Yeah. It kinda got out of control. I just took care of my drunk friends all night! Some people were really wasted! Guys were acting weird and I had to hold Whitney's hair back while she barfed in the toilet for like, an hour! The whole night was ruined, thanks to a few stupid people! Idiots! Well, we're glad that you're both okay! And we're going to pretend we're sorry you had to go through that.

Jeremy, did you get the dirty dishes out of your room, like I asked? Yeah, no. What does "yeah, no" mean? It's a gentler form of saying "of course not." You don't often see your mother's face that shade of purple. Yeah, no.

Mom, can I borrow some money for gas? Okay. Here's a twenty. You can pay me back on Friday. Do you need more time than that? I need a looser definition of "borrow." (This cartoon was originally published on 2012-08-18).

Jeremy, if you're going upstairs, could you bring these up and put them in the hall closet? IF I'm going upstairs? You WERE going upstairs, weren't you? Not if there are conditions. (This cartoon was originally published on 2012-07-16).

New kicks, Jeremy? Dad, people only call shoes "kicks" when they're being ironic. If you don't want to embarrass yourself, just use "shoe" instead of "kick." Pat! Pat! Pat! Why is Jeremy walking like that? Maybe somebody "shoed" his butt.