Conversations are key to health and well-being, good relationships, and ultimately success for organizations. Yet, we usually leave them up to chance.

Leaders who learn to intentionally foster conversations worth having fuel productivity and meaningful engagement. Allowing conversation to flow without attention may be at the heart of poor performance, failure, and lack of engagement.

Conversations worth having are inquiry-based and outcomes-focused.

Focusing on desired outcomes, instead of problems, enlivens people and sparks creativity. Questions that generate new information and possibilities stimulate interest and innovation.

Two practices:

#1. Positive Framing:

Frame conversations to focus on what you want.

If you’ve got a problem, address that issue by flipping the conversation to talk about the outcome you’d have if you didn’t have the problem. For example, poor performance —> quality work that exceeds customer expectations. Which would you rather talk about?

107 thoughts on “Two Practices to Foster Conversations Worth Having”

I currently use a lot of these topics with my student leaders in my band program in Maryland. The one that stands out the most to me in this post is “assume good intent of all involved”. Too often in today’s society are we too quick to judge and do not assume things are done with good intent. Not all things done by someone are malicious and should be not be considered to be without evidence. Additionally we talk a lot about using language and verbiage that welcomes a diversity of perspectives. They cannot come up with a solution until they see/understand a myriad of perspectives on the same situation. Thanks for a great post!

Creating conversation to have both individuals add to the pool of conversation, a pool of similar mean is critical. Doing this at times can be tough. How do you get willing to enter into conversation on difficult topics?

Fascinating guest post by Cheri Torres and Jackie Stavros. Fueling productive and meaningful engagement by focusing on desired outcomes makes a lot of sense. Focusing on what we hope to attain opens myriad options and alternatives, while concentrating on problems or methods tends to restrict them. Interestingly, this post complements Otto Scharmer’s discussion of Theory U that also emphasizes an open mind, open heart, and open will. Both endeavor to improve clarity and innovation. Thanks for tying together these two insightful contributions.

I think these are great suggestions but have found that the challenge with many of my past leaders wasn’t necessarily the questions, but their lack of ability in hearing the answers. This advice along with a keen understanding of the need to listen can certainly be coupled. Thank you for the great post.

As a school administrator where we are a struggling urban school I am often forced to have conversations with teachers who are complacent and waiting for “better” other students to walk in the door. We are tasked with educating the kids who actually walk in the door every day.
thanks

Fits right in on our performance based training for associates and supervisors. And while associate satisfaction is critical to our strategy, it is directly tied to customer satisfaction which we have regular conversations on. Thank You

The church I serve at is in the beginning stages of collecting a large amount of data on our community both inside the walls of the church and outside of the church. The leadership team has just presented Appreciative Inquiry as our strategy to discover and learn our internal assets and as well as the external needs of those who live around us. Internally, we have over 600 people in our church and externally there are thousands more!

The idea of Positive Framing is something I am going to try with my team! Performance reviews are mandatory and I normally focus on strengths vs. weaknesses and will use this new technique in my next conversation. I like to be positive!

I needed to be reminded on the need for me to maintain an ‘open mind, open heart, and open will’. It’s about teamwork and collaboration, exploring and journeying together. It’s about joint discovery. It inspires hope and effort. Great post – thanks!

Susan Scott says the “Conversation is the relationship,” and in “Crucial Conversations,” it talks about creating that safe environment while sticking to the facts. This message falls right in with those. I believe at work or home this might be one of the most important subjects in today’s world. Can we authentically discuss the problem realizing we’re going in the same direction together?

Being positive does matter! How to impact people who change information on school paperwork after numerous times to correct it-letters to their bosses and they still do NOT . Staying positive is tough! Is there a time when being honest is not perceived by the other side as positive?

Universally I have experienced that having delicate conversations with compassion, empathy, love and forgiveness builds a bridge to great things. This book has come at the right time. Love triumphs over hate and divisions. Love unites and has the greatest impact.

Framing the question is always the key to a more powerful question. I’ve found that questions starting with ‘why’ generally elicit a more defensive response. When we start a conversation with ‘tell me your thoughts about a time when experienced quality customer service’ there is much more reflection in the response.

We currently use these type of conversations with our Employee Check-Ups to engage conversation that is genuine and productive. It’s a practice that we are encouraging leaders to have with their staff often. It’s keeps everyone focused and in a collaborative state of mind.

Encouraging curiosity goes a long way to help stimulating conversations. By asking questions you gain additional information, sometimes data and other times another’s perspective on a matter. You cannot go wrong with either one. It can also help when people seem to be at odds with each other. Through inquiry you can sometimes find that common ground and then build from there.

This is a very helpful post. I am eager to read the book. I have used appreciative inquiry questions, and an asset based approach to challenges for some time. I agree that much of the key is to assume positive intent. Also an abundance mindset as opposed to a scarcity mindset when it comes to possibilities and courses of action helps.

Very timely! I have a team building meeting scheduled with my staff tomorrow to discuss new processes. This has reminded me to utilize positive framing to ‘flip the conversation’ so that the focus is on positive outcomes instead of failures that led to the problem. Also like the suggestion of using reflection on personal experiences that will help prompt the ‘thinker’ to use to offer ideas for improvement! Thanks for the reminder!

Though I have not read the book, our organization uses it in one of the classes where we teach responsible conduct in research. A scientist’s work is inquiry-based which requires curiosity and the ability to communicate and collaborate with others well. “Because ultimately your level of success depends upon your conversations. Strong relationships, high performance, and innovation are fueled by positive framing and generative questions.”

As a Radiology Leader – I often struggle with riding heard on the Team for needing to do more with less, while of course having to wear a smile on there face and serving GREAT customer service. The approach of positive framing may be the key to deliver a twist in my delivery to the Team. OORAH to this Post.

“For example, poor performance —> quality work that exceeds customer expectations.” The most obvious take away for me in the choices stated is, the latter speaks to the work; the purpose for being. Consider the ratio of time used in talking that attempts to reshape individuals instead of talk that specifically addresses the process upgrades needed for acceptable results. “The customer may not always be right; but they are always the customer.”

This is one of the things I greatly admire in my current organization! Every meeting we have, every one on one with leaders…endless questions pushing the conversations. All this is further supported by one of our core values – being forthright and speaking your mind…being open.

This is one of the aspects of my company I’ve always admired. Every meeting, every one on one with leaders… each and every conversation is question lead with the (desired) end result in mind. This is further supported by one of our core values – being forthright…speaking your mind when it’s current (say it in the meeting, not at the watercooler) and being open to the idea being swatted or vetted.

The idea that a leader should be intentional about every conversation is a good one. Setting the right stage for positive conversations that help move the needle in the right direction is critical. Thanks for the reminder.

Great article! Easy to talk about, hard to put into action sometimes. I like to think about it as being a listening / thinking partner for my teams. Help them work their way to the answer. Another way to build confidence and engagement!

Communication is such an important piece of life. This is a great reminder that mindset and word choice are so important in making sure that conversations are positive, constructive and lead to further growth! I would love to have the opportunity to read this book.

I appreciate the post. I know I need to get better at asking questions and giving those I supervise time to think through and find their own answers, then be comfortable that they are different than my answers.
Thanks
Jim

These techniques will work with every type of personality. Leaders may not realize how many of their employees struggle with communicating their ideas due to introversion, neurological conditions (ASD, ADHD, OCD), or social anxiety. To provide a safe and nonjudgmental way to communicate ideas in a method that is engaging will draw out even the most socially awkward employee!
Great post!

Unfortunately, management does not always practice “open mind, open heart, and open will”, but instead often make assumptions or jump to conclusions. It is particularly difficult when one is not permitted to finish expressing their thoughts and then later are openly reprimanded for not communicating the entire situation.
Truly, good communication is the key to success. The lack of it builds frustration and mistrust.

Wonderful concepts! I particularly liked the example of framing conversations positively. “Poor performance vs. quality end-result” Thanks for these! This will be a great resource for our new members of management!

Being intentional with your conversations is a skill to be developed. I love these two practices you’ve shared. It’s a great lens to view the conversations you are having or plan to have and turn them into to something that adds value to the participants. Interested in the book!

I’ve found all along the best place to practice any ideas of a positive nature (Positive Framing) have been with my Daughter and Son as they have grown. It worked so well with my now 25 year old Daughter as she transitioned from HS to College, a year after working as a Life Guard/Swim instructor and Substitute teacher and now Married and working as a Special Ed Teacher. I continue to work this technique with my 23 yr old son who is at Cal State LA and working hard. Good topic, too many in this world have so much negativity we have to push positive as much as we can.

Great information and reminders. This information is becoming more relevant and important as our environment becomes more social media based and some have challenges having a personal conversation and understanding relationships.

As noted in several other responses, you have impeccable timing with this post. I was just discussing this very thing with as employee and we are formulating questions that are meant to create meaningful response and conversation that elicit a nervous reaction. Thank you so much for your inspiration!

I have a daughter who has had a very successful career in education and in civic activies. She has taught me to ask questions that show interest and provide insights. Too be pppppppositive one needs to avoid current events. It’s difficult to find positive things to talk about a nd to avoid .controversy.

Thanks for this post. There’s a conversation I need to have today with a co-worker who is constantly late in turning in receipts and expense reports to the bookkeeping dept. This is not a conversation that I have been looking forward to although I know that it has to happen in order for forward growth to happen. I already scheduled the phone call with him (I know one on one is better, but he’s out of the country) for this afternoon and this will help me to purposefully take control of the conversation and keep it focused and to the point.

Framing your message is so important! It is important to always consider your target audience when addressing an issue. In addition, I’ve had to learn each staff’s communication style and adhere to each one. It’s my job to understand them, not for them to understand me. Effective communication is key as a supervisor and leader. Great read!

I got empowerment out of this. Allowing each person/group to have a voice – it doesn’t matter whether or not it is an associate, upper or mid-management – the voice needs to be heard. It also allows deep collaboration.

“Ask questions of which you don’t know the answer” made me realize that I use questions to get others to align to where I’m at. It also gave me a simple tool to shift this manipulative behavior. Well played sir!

I really enjoy this post as the approach is positive overall and can make the difficult conversation better/easier. To start by looking at the outcome takes away the “here is what you need to do better” part of it.

I agree conversations are key to addressing items of concern, however, the practice of having the conversation and it being successful is something to master along with the ability to adapt to each individual circumstance. This article is a great way to break it down and provide some starting points and ideas about how to make it a successful conversation and how to adapt to the individual circumstances as they unfold. Look forward to putting these into practice

Our company just went to a model of “quality conversations” that lead to the year-end performance reviews. The challenge I have found is engaging my staff in productive conversations that leads to their own discovery and development of creative solutions in the context of these sessions. This post will be helpful in framing up those conversations. Thank you!

Thanks for an insightful article. I would like to mention that conversation is the key to self discovery and understanding the purpose of life. which could potentially be learned with time and experience. Building strong communication skills, builds trust and thus that is how a well functioning community work.

I have been gathering leadership training and development this month. The material is generating fresh ideas on how to approach meetings and discussions with my teams. This adds additional tools to my toolkit.

Having facilitated “Crucial Conversations”, I often received questions about conversations that aren’t crucial (at least not yet). Your suggestion of Positive Framing appeals to me as a great way to have those conversations that may head toward a crucial converstaion if left unattended, or discussed in less than stellar ways.

Often a great plan to get from A to B involves defining what B looks like. Framing your questions from the perspective of the target helps the receiver understand where you are heading, and they can share in a positive way how they will help get there.

Having a coaching approach, or as you mention Generative Questions, is also a great way to facilitate solutions through “self-discovery”.

I love posts that I can connect with other concepts. Helps it all sink in for me. 🙂

This is a great topic, and so important to build real and deep relationships! We set aside dedicated time for each our our staff members for conversations – I look forward to reading this book for more ideas!

My supervisor started our strategic planning process using Appreciative Inquiry. It was a first for many of us used to a SWOT analysis method. It helped us as a group moves forward after being stuck or in a rut for a couple of years. The positive approach is powerful.

The use of dialogue is helpful as a way to delve into conversations. I think its similar to #2 in establishing an agreement in the group in how we will engage. We also used either pre-designed questions or having everyone bring a question to a broader topic to stimulate conversation. I think ensuring everyone knows their voice is essential to the discussion helps with engagement too. This is something the leader can establish but even more powerful when others bring it up or model how to include a ‘quieter’ without making that person feel put on the spot.

I’m in an IT focused realm and we often are quick to find the problems and talk about them in everything that we do. I will be interested to see how it works if we instead flip it and look at what we want to happen and how to get us to that goal. Can’t wait to try it – thank you!

In an arts organization filled with musicians as managers, conversation around problematic issues never happens… let alone *positive* conversation! There is a lot to be gleaned from this post (and much more to be learned from the book I’m sure). A culture shift is needed, and it has to start somewhere! I’m hoping it grows roots at the bottom and winds its way up to the senior management. “Be the change you want to see”, right? Thanks for an amazing website full of wisdom and a wonderful guest post.

Your comment “Conversations worth having require the habit of open mind, open heart, and open will” resonates deeply with me. I would love to receive a copy of your book. The successful managers I remember working with always exhibit these traits. I am a positive leader and enjoy picking up new tips on how to improve my habits. I want to be one of the managers remembered as inspiring my team and holding the flashlight for them to succeed.

As I begin a new position, I will be working more closely with our Board and elected officials. I definitely will be using the two strategies outlined in this post. Thanks for taking the time to share.

These are conversations that allow you to tap into the organization’s mission – “How is what you’re hoping to do going to reinforce our mission?” Or, “How does this decision strengthen our mission?” Yes, there must be freedom in dialogue and creativity in ideas, but the mission must be foundational to all of it.