Weekend Movie Guide: The Greatest Sequel In The History Of This Earth And Others

FilmDrunk Suggests: The Expendables 2. It’s the greatest sequel in movie history. In fact, there’s not even a point in having a Weekend Movie Guide because you should already know to go see this.

"I will insert this knife in you, and then maybe I will be naked in front of you, too, yes?"

The Expendables 2

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 65% critics, 90% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“Yeah, yeah, I get it: ‘The Expendables 2’ is a fun-loving throwback to the gloriously bad action films of the 1980s. Here’s what I don’t get: Why couldn’t it be a throwback to the good ones?” – Rafer Guzman, Newsday (SHUT THE F*CK UP, YOU F*CKING GIRL.)

“‘The Expendables 2’ arrives jam-packed and fully loaded with main man Sly Stallone still leading the charge, followed by that wild bunch of aging brawn.” – Betsy Sharkey, L.A. Times (Preach on, you wonderful girl.)

“Chances are most kids, and most adults, will find “Paranorman” perfectly horrible in the best possible way.” – Tom Long, Detroit News

Armchair Analysis: In case you missed Vince’s review, he hated ParaNorman [false! I only mostly disliked it! -Ed], and that’s unfortunate. I have been looking forward to this film – preachy or not – for quite some time, and I shall see it and make my own opinion with a panel of children afterward for ice cream. No, it’s totally cool, those charges were dropped.

I would have gone with Cleavage.

Sparkle

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 55% critics, 77% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“Often seems like a flat, straightforward Supremes biopic in its adherence to seemingly pointless scenes and exposition.” – Sara Stewart, New York Post

“’Sparkle’ trafficks in the same gorgeous Motown style — sonic and visual — that made the original film, and ‘Dreamgirls’ after it, such delectable fun.” – Ann Hornaday, Washington Post