Message Boards

Topic : 06/22 Nasty Breakups

Number of Replies: 416

New Messages This Week: 0

Last Reply On:

Created on : Friday, December 02, 2005, 03:43:10 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 12/05/05) Breaking up is hard to do -- and it's even worse when it destroys the entire family. When Pat announced he was seeking an annulment after 31 years of marriage, his three daughters felt betrayed. Jennifer and Kellie are doing their best to accept what's happened and repair the relationship with their father and his new wife, but their sister, Mynde, says her father is "dead" to her. Can this fractured family find a way to come back together? Plus, Mary Anne lost count of how many lies her husband, Lyle, told her, and after nine years of marriage, she kicked him out. Now Lyle says he's a changed man. Can he be believed and should she take him back? Share your thoughts.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

06/22 Nasty Breakups

Not one persons interpretatio nof scripture is above anothers...LOL..NONE of them have any evidence. Catholics have never claimed to be bible literalist as far as I know and the bible is just a part of their religion.

Correct me if I'm wrong, I married a Catholic, but now we are both atheists...and as I've said before, knowledge isn't a sexually transmitted disease!

And thank goodness for that or we'd all be dying of something!!!!! LOL

I just want to see Lolajean explain what it is she thinks churches should do with their divorced members. Is it true for her that once divorced you can never marry again without being an adulteror? Is that truly what her interpretation of the bible is?

Divorce is a sad thing, sometimes a terribly tragic and painful thing, not something anyone gets any pleasure out of being a part of. Unless you've been the person to initiate such an action you can't really know how truly difficult and gut wrenching it is. Even when there has been abuse, the abused person still has their hearts torn out over the death of their dreams with the person they thought loved them.

Maybe there are some people who get divorced for superficial reasons, but I believe those people are in a small minority and I'm not going to judge them anyway. The vast majority of people involved in divorce, whether seeking it or being forced into it, are in a tremendous amount of pain. Some are even suicidal the pain is so intolerable. Divorce is like a death and many people grieve as though a loved one has died. If our churches cannot reach out with compassion to all people in need of solace and strength at this kind of event they aren't really living the example Jesus himself set for us. And he set this example for us even after making it clear he did not like divorce!

06/22 Nasty Breakups

"the Catholic Church presumes that every marriage - whether it involves a Catholic or not - is valid until the contrary is proven." So unless a marriage has been able to be proven invalid by lack of the sacramental nature, a divorced person may not be married in the Catholic Church. This seems harsh to some other Christians, but this is how seriously the Catholic church takes marriage.

Yes it does seem harsh even to me. But I do appreciate the Catholic churches strong position on even getting married in the first place.

Most churches (Catholic) won't perform the sacrament of marriage until the couple has undertaken a bunch of marital classes and courses. Then extensive interviews with the priest etc.

I think it's a great thing to be put under the proverbial microscope prior to marrying so to speak. As it may prevent a marriage that the odds are leaning toward future divorce.

06/22 Nasty Breakups

Yes it does seem harsh even to me. But I do appreciate the Catholic churches strong position on even getting married in the first place.

Most churches (Catholic) won't perform the sacrament of marriage until the couple has undertaken a bunch of marital classes and courses. Then extensive interviews with the priest etc.

I think it's a great thing to be put under the proverbial microscope prior to marrying so to speak. As it may prevent a marriage that the odds are leaning toward future divorce.

Just my view on it all.

Fredi

Yeah, it's true that a couple seeking to marry in the Catholic church does have to attend either some Pre-Cana type event or other preparation before marrying. I think this does help actually cut down on the amount of divorces among Catholics compared to other religious denominations.

But nothing is perfect. Sometimes the reasons why a marriage isn't going to be a sacramental one are not obvious to the priest, or even the two getting married :) Sometimes those things don't reveal themselves until later down the line.

I pretty much believe that people usually do the best they can when they make these big life decisions. And when they know better, they do better. But I'm not gonna judge who "should have" known better and who did know better. That's all up to God. Personally, I'm all about spreading the message of forgiveness and mercy Jesus lived and died to teach us :)

06/22 Nasty Breakups

Yeah, it's true that a couple seeking to marry in the Catholic church does have to attend either some Pre-Cana type event or other preparation before marrying. I think this does help actually cut down on the amount of divorces among Catholics compared to other religious denominations.

But nothing is perfect. Sometimes the reasons why a marriage isn't going to be a sacramental one are not obvious to the priest, or even the two getting married :) Sometimes those things don't reveal themselves until later down the line.

I pretty much believe that people usually do the best they can when they make these big life decisions. And when they know better, they do better. But I'm not gonna judge who "should have" known better and who did know better. That's all up to God. Personally, I'm all about spreading the message of forgiveness and mercy Jesus lived and died to teach us :)

That is why I think it's silly for people to make divorce so taboo. Most people get married in their 20's the first time...how can a decision made when you are say, 24 always and for sure a good decision 10, 20, 30 years down the line? You never know. I bet anyone here who is over 40 will say that not all major decisions made in their 20's were good ones!

06/22 Nasty Breakups

Now a man came up to Jesus and asked, "Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?" "Why do you ask me about what is good?" Jesus replied. "There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, obey the commandments." "Which ones?" the man inquired. Jesus replied, " 'Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother,' and 'love your neighbor as yourself.'

Matthew 19:16-19

And to you others: I am just concerned for the people who believe this nonsense the Catholic Church is teaching. It's such a huge and powerful organization. It truly boggles my mind that they are teaching something so obviously wrong, and the numbers of people being mislead by them is scary. And if my comments can get anyone to see it, good. Maybe one person out there won't fall for it.

I totally agree, people can choose what to believe and what religion to follow. If I didn't believe that, there would be no reason to be pointing this out. Everyone in the church isn't blindly following, but so many are. It's the ones who are not who may realize what's obvious here, for what it's worth. I'm sad for people who are mislead by someone claiming to be pious, no matter the specifics. But again the size of the Catholic Church makes the numbers of people deceived just massive.

You'll notice I'm not selling anything here, other than the gospels of Jesus. And to anyone who doesn't believe in Jesus- I'm not even trying to force that upon you. I'm just pointing out that if you do believe in Jesus, this is a major concern for anyone considering annullment.

Hi LolaJean...

You know...I hate it when people take scripture out of context. Here's the rest of the passage:

16 11 12 Now someone approached him and said, "Teacher, what good must I do to gain eternal life?" 17 He answered him, "Why do you ask me about the good? There is only One who is good. 13 If you wish to enter into life, keep the commandments." 18 14 He asked him, "Which ones?" And Jesus replied, " 'You shall not kill; you shall not commit adultery; you shall not steal; you shall not bear false witness; 19 honor your father and your mother'; and 'you shall love your neighbor as yourself.'" 20 15 The young man said to him, "All of these I have observed. What do I still lack?" 21 Jesus said to him, "If you wish to be perfect, 16 go, sell what you have and give to (the) poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." 22 When the young man heard this statement, he went away sad, for he had many possessions. 23 17 Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Amen, I say to you, it will be hard for one who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24 Again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for one who is rich to enter the kingdom of God."

The whole point of the passage is not to say "one should not commit adultery" the point is...it's not enough to follow the "rules"...being a disciple, a Christian is a WAY OF LIFE. It's giving up a big part of ourselves...