1,500 immaculately turned out guests convened on leafy Bloomsbury to celebrate Britain’s sporting ineptitude, which this year had seen many heavy losses around the world. But in Bedford Square Gardens, being rather poor at kicking the pigskin ball around in balmy countries and allowing Johnny Foreigner to thrash one at lawn tennis was of no concern.

The far more important gentlemanly skills were turned into not-very-competitive sports. Tea Pursuit tested one’s mettle while holding a cup and saucer on a moving bicycle; Ambassador’s Ball involved the tricky manoeuvre of catapulting a Ferrero Rocher into a champagne glass; Golden Handshake put one’s etiquette conventions to the test, in choosing the right water-filled rubber glove to shake, while ten of them flew at one; and Not Playing Tennis proved that we British are better at that than playing tennis.

This photograph, by Stephanie Wolff, shows Beach Volleybowler in full swing.

That incorrigible ukulele-toting, rhyme-popping, bon-mot uttering chap hop superstar, Mr. B the Gentleman Rhymer, composed a special new song for the Chap Olympiad in 2012, “Light the Olympic Pipe”, which he showcased during his live appearance at the Chap Olympiad on Sunday 8th July, during the historic year of the British Summer Olympic Games.

Mr. B has been purveying what he calls “Chap Hop”, essentially a combination of Grandmaster Flash, Noel Coward and George Formby, all delivered in the laconic tones of one also familiar with the works of Stephen Potter, for a number of years, and is just about to release his fifth long playing gramophone recording.

Mr. B also serenaded the Chap on his second album, “I Say!” with the opening track, “All Hail the Chap!” His paean to the Chapolympian spirit is now to be made available to anyone interested in participating in or spectating this year’s Chap Olympics, simply by clicking the song title above.

This year’s Chap Olympics will take place in Bedford Square Gardens, London, on Saturday 12th July 2014. Tickets are available from www.ticketporte.com

Light, Light The Olympic Pipe
Whether you’re a heffer or a grim sick type
Your dignity, may it be redeemed in our field of pleasant dreams
Light, Light The Olympic Pipe
Better you’re a heffer than a thin fit type
Your dignity, may it be redeemed in our field of pleasant dreams!

]]>http://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2014/06/mr-b-composes-new-anthem-for-chap-olympiad/feed/0New Theatrical Take on Mod Culturehttp://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2014/05/new-theatrical-take-on-mod-culture/
http://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2014/05/new-theatrical-take-on-mod-culture/#commentsMon, 12 May 2014 11:44:39 +0000chapadminhttp://thechapmagazine.co.uk/?p=3211A new production of Jeff Noon’s play The Modernists sheds new light on this extremely well dressed youth movement, usually only remembered via the film Quadrophenia.

The Modernists, however, presents the true origins of the Mods in the late 50s North London, in a stylised and abstract presentation of young, working class men creating for themselves a meticulously aesthetic lifestyle. More than just a fashion trend, being a Modernist was almost a philosophy, a way of life: extremely individualistic and particular. Artistic Director and Producer Rikki Tarascas uses an explosion of words, live music, sharp suits, action sequences to create a meeting between Absolute Beginners and A Clockwork Orange.

Set in 1962, London based Mod band, The Now, are on the cusp of widespread popularity, but the Mod movement itself is also on the verge of becoming mainstream, creating tensions within the band – should they betray the Modernist code and ride the populist wave, or stay true to the creed they originally pinned their colours to? What happens when this incredibly personal way of life becomes nothing more than a commodity that can be bought off a shelf?

The winner of the coveted accolade was Mr. Russell Nash. Photos of the event here: www.flickr.com

]]>http://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2013/07/tickets-on-sale-for-chap-olympiad-2013/feed/7The Eccentric Grand Anarcho-Dandyist Ball 2012http://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/11/eccentric-acts-confirmed-for-chap-ball/
http://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/11/eccentric-acts-confirmed-for-chap-ball/#commentsSun, 04 Nov 2012 17:52:22 +0000chapadminhttp://thechapmagazine.co.uk/?p=2067The 4th Grand Anarcho-Dandyist Ball on Saturday 1st December was another storming success for The Chap Magazine and its extremely well-dressed followers. Topping the bill in the grand ballroom were Albert Ball’s Flying Aces, a Great War-era hot jazz ragtime band featuring silky-voiced siren Patricia Hammond on vocals. The band’s entire set comprised of songs written before 1920.

Earlier in the evening, Kwabana Lindsay walked a tightrope stretched in front of the stage, in full evening dress. Not content with such a feat, he then played the fiddle atop his taut and very narrow stage. Lindsay was followed by a “secret” surprise appearance from Chap-hop legend Mr. B the Gentleman Rhymer, who played, among other ditties, his latest hit single “Just LIke a Chap”. Then along came Spacedog, a delightful musical combo with Sarah Angliss on theremin and saw, accompanied by Hugo the automaton. This was all preceded by the crazed ramblings of our eccentric host, Michael “Atters” Attree. Our host in the cocktail bar was Mr. Viv the Spiv, who introduced a real live flea circus and the Flirtinis, who instructed guests how to flirt properly, all assisted by The Chap’s resident Butler, Mr. Bell.

Guests religiously obeyed the “eccentric, eclectic, esoteric, electric” dress-code, many of whose outfits may be viewed in our picture gallery.

]]>http://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/11/eccentric-acts-confirmed-for-chap-ball/feed/6Grand Anarcho-Dandyist Ball 2012http://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/09/grand-anarcho-dandyist-ball-2012/
http://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/09/grand-anarcho-dandyist-ball-2012/#commentsFri, 28 Sep 2012 09:27:00 +0000chapadminhttp://thechapmagazine.co.uk/?p=1911Ladies and gentlemen, it is once again time to dust off your feather boas, polish your spats, buff up your finest cufflinks and alert your barber, footman, batman, valet, butler and tailor to a long month of preparations – for the Fourth Grand Anarcho-Dandyist Ball has been given a date and a venue.

This year, in association with Bourne & Hollingsworth, The Chap will be returning to the Grade-2 listed splendour of the Bloomsbury Ballroom, where in 2010 our guests were dazzled by the original 1930s fixtures, fittings and chandeliers that greeted them at the bottom of a sweeping staircase. As well as its main grand ballroom, Bloomsbury Ballroom features another more intimate cocktail bar, where we will be offering extra sideshows and entertainment.

In the grand ballroom, our headline act will be Albert Ball’s Flying Aces, featuring the delectable Patricia Hammond on vocals. Other acts will include Kwabana Lindsay – a white tie-wearing, fiddle-playing, umbrella juggling tightrope walker; Spacedog – a theremin and saw-playing lady assisted by on-stage automata. In the cocktail bar there will be a real live flea circus; the Flirtinis, who will teach you how to flirt with the damsel or gent of your choice; and Viv the Spiv, who will teach you the ways of contraband cigarettes and nylons.

]]>http://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/09/grand-anarcho-dandyist-ball-2012/feed/18Thank You From The Chaphttp://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/07/thank-you-from-the-chap/
http://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/07/thank-you-from-the-chap/#commentsTue, 10 Jul 2012 13:21:36 +0000chapadminhttp://thechapmagazine.co.uk/?p=1794The Chap Olympiad Committee wishes to extend a personal thanks to all the sponsors who made 7th and 8th July this year the spectacular event that it was. Firstly, the new Olympic Pipe, showcased during the opening ceremony on 7th July. This was a collaboration between Northern Briars and E.A. Carey, tobacconists and pipe manufacturers of distinction. The “Chap Olympiad Magnum” weighs over 10.5 ounces and measures ten inches from bowl to mouthpiece. The pipe has a 9mm filtration system (whatever that means – we just lit it and passed it around the contestants until it went out, hours later) and is made from top quality briar.

Secondly, we would like to thank Darcy Clothing in Lewes for the elaborate construction of two pairs of double trousers for Three-Trousered Limbo. These were stitched through the night and took a particularly long time because the original trousers were very high-waisted. Braces buttons also had to be moved to allow for double-Olympian entry. Darcy Clothing also provided the white gloves used by the butlers in Butler Racing, as well as the irons.

Thirdly, we would like to acknowledge the huge contribution of bar snacks and morale made by Tyrrells Potato Crisps, whose well-dressed butlers handed out delicious crisps to the contestants all day long, and who also allowed their products to be part of the most dangerous event of the entire weekend, Shouting at Foreigners.

Without the generous assistance of our sponsors, the Chap Olympiad would have been a trouserless, crispless event where the contestants had to share a Silk Cut during the opening ceremony.

]]>http://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/07/thank-you-from-the-chap/feed/3Chap Olympiad Celebrates Sporting Ineptitudehttp://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/07/chap-olympiad-celebrates-sporting-ineptitude/
http://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/07/chap-olympiad-celebrates-sporting-ineptitude/#commentsMon, 09 Jul 2012 08:51:33 +0000chapadminhttp://thechapmagazine.co.uk/?p=1778The 8th Chap Olympiad took place on Saturday 7th and Sunday 8th July in Bedford Square Gardens, London, its verdant Bloomsbury outdoor stadium for the last five years. The mischievous British weather toyed with the immaculately attired contestants, threatening to soak splendid outfits which had taken months to prepare, but decided, after all, that these eccentric Olympians deserved two days of dry weather.

Master of Ceremonies Tristan Langlois, as ever, squired the enthusiastic athletes, most of them rather confused by the complicated instructions for each of the ten events, but happy to leap into the fray and put their gentlemanly skills to the test. Contestants managed to dream up yet more unusual ways to approach old favourites such as cucumber sandwich discus, hop, skip and G&T and Umbrella Jousting, while new events such as Butler Racing, Swooning and Synchronised Slippages were executed with our Olympians’ usual breadth of imagination, applomb and inebriated skullduggery.

Those athletes on Day Two of the Olympiad, Sunday 8th, who were either the worse for wear due to Saturday’s excesses, or not quite in the spirit of things having just joined us, were administered to by our competent saucy nurses, the Flirtinis. Exhausted Olympians were stretcher-borne to the Gin Tent, topped up with panache-saving Bloody Marys fed from blood bags.

Britain my have once again missed out on the trophy at the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis championship, but at least we triumphed in Not Playing Tennis at the Chap Olympiad.

]]>http://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/07/chap-olympiad-celebrates-sporting-ineptitude/feed/9Events and Entertainment for Day Two of the Chap Olympiadhttp://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/06/events-and-entertainment-for-day-two-of-the-chap-olympiad/
http://thechapmagazine.co.uk/2012/06/events-and-entertainment-for-day-two-of-the-chap-olympiad/#commentsTue, 12 Jun 2012 18:36:50 +0000chapadminhttp://thechap.net/cms/?p=1692Sunday 8th July 2012 is Day two of the Eighth Chap Olympiad and will feature a selection of events which have proved favourites with Olympians and spectators alike over the last eight years. There will also be an interval slot by renowned banjolele-wielder and rhyme-popper Mr. B the Gentleman Rhymer. Here is the full list of events

Cucumber Sandwich Discus: Individuals must hurl a cucumber sandwich on a china plate, with this year’s added handicap of a side order of potato crisps

Ironing Board Surfing: Contestants mount their ironing boards and are carried over the finishing line by their butlers and housekeepers

Hop, Skip and G&T: Athletes must complete all three disciplines, with the emphasis on maintaining a full tumbler of gin and tonic by the end

Umbrella Jousting: In the medieval tradition, chaps on bicycles approach each other along a boundary and use their brollies to knock each other off, protected by Bowler hats and reinforced copies of the Daily Telegraph

INTERVAL: A live concert by Chap-hop superstar Mr. B the Gentleman Rhymer, who, among other notable ditties, will be showcasing his brand new tune, “Light the Olympic Pipe”

Three-Trousered Limbo: Pairs of contestants are strapped into huge pairs of double trousers, with three legs, and must stumble under a steadily-lowered limbo pole

Tug of Hair: Teams of ten tug at the tips of an enormous handlebar moustache, with the added handicap of slippery moustache wax

Bounders: A chap must say something so caddish to a lady that he receives a slap. The bounder with the reddest face, but the wryest smile, is the winner

Synchronised Slippages: In the Grand Olympic Paddling Pool, contestants must make an elegant display of tumbling, slipping and getting rather wet, as they attempt futilely to remain upright during their final few drinks of an exhausting two days of Olympian efforts