words of wisdom and poetry

Category: love

Do you ever feel like you’re in the wrong place like you’re destined to be somewhere else? No matter what you do or accomplish, you still have that feeling like you can do bigger and better things. This feeling never goes away for me. Ever since I could remember, I told people I would never stay where I was at. I knew at a very young age, I was meant to do something great, something big with my life. I realize for many people this may sound like aspirations. For a while, I tried to convince myself that it was just that. I thought I would wake up one day, and be content where I was at. The older I get, the stronger the feeling and/or urge is for me to pack everything and follow my gut. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very happy where I am now, but there is just something in me driving me to go out and do more in this world. This is making me question everything I have done up until this point. I’m in school right now, and my major is in clinical psychology. Whenever I start to question whether this is right for me, something occurs within my life that assures me I’m on the right path. This has proven to be true for other aspects of my life as well. However, the one thing that has never been certain for me is this place where I’m at right now. I ask myself sometimes where is home, and I realize it’s not here. I know it in my heart where I am supposed to be, but following through with this means leaving everything behind. I know when I leave, I’m going to end up hurting many people. That stopped me once before, but so much time has passed and my desire only grew stronger. It’s scary, but I know I will never be content with my life if I don’t follow through with it. So, this is for all the people taking a leap of faith, and following their dreams. The only time I can recall being scared and excited all at once.

1. You can’t openly talk to this person. What I mean by this is you can’t say what you really want to say because this person doesn’t seem to care and/ or makes you feel crazy or not normal whenever you do try to bring up a conversation. I’m not talking about random conversations. I’m talking about the conversations where it involves your feelings. Things that are important to you.

2. You always feel like you are doing too much. You ever get that feeling like you’re in a one-sided relationship? You are constantly showing your love and appreciation for this person in hopes they will do the same. Chances are this person doesn’t feel the same way you do about them.

3. You are constantly having to ask for things. What I mean by that is you are having to ask: for your partner to spend time with you, for him/her to show you some type of affection, to do things that regular couples just do.

4. They aren’t there when you need them. When things get real and you are the one in need, your partner is no where to be found. They give you excuses for why they can’t be there or they can’t talk to you at the moment. You are put on the back burner so to speak. Meanwhile you are always quick to jump through hoops to make sure they are alright.

5. Your partner shows no interest in you. Some people in life like the chase more than they like the capture. Did your partner show more interest in you during the talking stage? Now that you are dating they stopped completely showing interest in you. This can be very painful and you can be left feeling pretty lonely. This is a reason you may be doing too much for them. You are trying so hard to get them to show some interest in you whether it’s emotionally or physically, but it just doesn’t work.

We meet again old friend, it’s as if you never truly left. I feel you now even more so than before. You had me fooled, I wanted to believe in what I once thought was only in my dreams. There for a second I did actually believe. I believed that I had finally found the one that’s going to reciprocate my love. I believed that after all the hardships something good had finally come my way. I believed that I had found someone who adored me as much as I do them. I have since given up on those fairytales, and reverted back to old ways. A few tears and a glass of wine later, I accepted that this is just how it’s meant to be. After all it is better to have died with a cold heart than a broken one. You feel nothing instead of everything.

I crave him in ways that are unimaginable to the human mind. One touch sends me into overdrive, and a kiss into ecstasy. He teases me with his looks. He knows what he is doing to me, and enjoys seeing me agonize over how much I want him. Yet, he still makes me wait. I pretend that he is the devil at times because he makes me want to sin every time he is near. So I wait for him day and night. Just like the devil he is deceiving. He is nowhere to be found when I need him, and only comes around to be pleased. He leaves me wanting him, but him not me. My body and soul long for the love that he is unwilling to give me. I took a chance, little did I know I would be hooked. I’m hooked to a man who doesn’t desire me as much as I do him, but what can I do when I’m completely in love with him? That’s the price I pay for letting the devil take my heart.