A man must fill his life with meaning, meaning is not automatically given to life. It is hard work to fill one's life with meaning. That I do not think you understand yet. A life filled with meaning is worthy of rest. I want to be worthy of rest when I am no longer here. Do you understand what I am saying?
-The Chosen

7/28/2004

"I'm going to start posting bible studies..."

Wow... so much for THAT idea.

Since then, I've graduated, been to Alaska, counseled, acted in a VBS skit, and gotten a REAL JOB. (yes, to all those who ask... there is hope for big mouths. See your state government for details)

So, now I'm facing a whole new set of struggles and issues, both good and bad. For instance, I'm rooming with Dave. This would be a good thing even WITHOUT the intense computer football rivalry (3-3 so far), terrific cooking, and convenient location. With them, of course, it's phenomenal.

At the same time, responsibility can be a bit frustrating, like laying out long-term budgets and waking up at 6:30 every morning.

Worse, though, are my spiritual struggles. I have such a hard time reacting to life quickly... job issues are no problem, but I'm really bad at the constantly changing nature of relationships. Usually I can sit down, figure out the ground rules, and work from there. Relationships aren't like that, though. They're made up of a thousand constantly moving parts, each of which has a significant place in the whole.

It's easy to complain that God didn't make me a natural at that sort of thing, that it's just not my area of expertise. Unfortunately, Hebrews 11 isn't exactly a list of people who complained about the bad rap they got.

I'm trying to figure out, too, why it is that how people percieve my intentions is so important to me. For whatever cause, I can take all kinds of arguments and criticism and still do things the way I think they ought to be done. The moment I think someone distrusts my intentions, though, I have a tendency to go ballistic (this is quite a site, for those of you who haven't experienced it).

So here's the question: What does honoring God with my new life look like? Frankly, I'm not sure just yet. Even so, I think I'm starting to make the core, fundamental changes that are needed to get on the right track.

By the way, drop me a line if you get the chance. I'm interested in finding out what's going on out there! I feel pretty out of the loop.

Reason to smile: I recently found out that when you can't recall things but you remember them after they're mentioned, it's a sign of old age. I KNEW it. I'm like a 50 year-old in a 22 year-old's body.

Reason to cry: With a little help from Dave, I am entering the domestication phase.

Verse for today: Psalm 51:6 "Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place." This Psalm is excellent. Read it, but don't gloss it over. This is heavy-duty stuff.