Big, Big Upset Coming Tomorrow, Says Possibly Untrustworthy Source

The next POTUS, the next POTUS, tomorrow will know who it is, who it is! But what if we told you that we’ve been emailed some exclusive information…a bombshell, if you will…about the outcome of the election.
We could publish the two stories we have received about this, but that would require paying a large sum to the very reputable-sounding MuGui YuGuang Inc. out of Monterrey Park, CA, whose site, www.muguiyuguang.org, is “a web site of academic research on national artifacts.”
According to our communication from the organization, the bombshell comes courtesy of “a Californian anonymous scholar of academic research.” Without further ado, the findings of his “earthshaking research study”:

A prophecy about the election results has been made

The “spokesperson” of the prophecy is George Washington

George Washington says Hillary Rodham Clinton will be made our next President

The reason is that God told him so.

There is more – so much more. For example, when George Washington met God, he was feeling isolated. “He was lonely and desolate, often engaging in soliloquy. The only affectionate response he received was from the riding horse that accompanied him.”

If only we could afford the story. The first one came with a note saying it was a “free news report” but that we could receive another for $250. Then the organization was generous enough to send us another free report with more info on the scoop, but we were warned that should we request further information, it would be $450.

Then we received an invoice for $450, with a bolded note that it was due in 30 days. We heart you, MuGui, but we’re not paying.