A FUnnie look at the loony residents of the Democratic Underground aka DUmmies in particular and the Leftwing Blogosphere in general.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 05-03-05 ("Kerry: 'I Think These People are Extremists'")

Poor John Kerry. He is wasting his last reserves of energy in a completely fruitless task. Since losing the election, Kerry has worked harder in just those few months than he had in his entire senate career prior to the election. Why? Because Kerry is actually under the delusion that he will be re-nominated again in ’08. Face the fact, Johnny Boy. You have NO chance of being nominated in ’08. Hillary already has that nomination in the bag and there isn’t even a chance in hell that you will gain it again. The only result of all the incredible effort you are putting up to look like you are still relevant is that you will be going down hard, very HARD when you realize in a few years that you have been completely WASTING your time trying to reach for the prize that is beyond your grasp. Yes, it will be quite amusing to observe your volcanic anger when you finally figure out that you could have been relaxing all this time snowboarding or windsurfing or just lounging on the porch of Teh-RAY-suh’s Nantucket mansion. Of course, you won’t heed the advice to bow to the inevitable and spend your final years enjoying life. Instead, you will plow on, burning out body and soul seeking that which will NEVER be yours. The latest pathetic episode of Kerry Quest occurred when Kerry cast aspersions upon the Bush administration as you can see in this DUmmie THREAD titled, “Kerry: ‘I Think These People are Extremists’.” Um, Kerry, have you ever taken a look at the WACKY posts in Dummieland? If not, then I suggest you start adding the DUmmie FUnnies to your reading list so you can learn that the REAL extremists are in YOUR camp. As usual, the extremist DUmmie rantings are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, anticipating the comedy entertainment of Kerry’s inevitable fall, is in the [brackets]:

Why hasn't the Bush administration acted? "I think these people are extremists, it's very simple," he said.

[Thus spaketh John Kerry in a Seattle Post-Intelligencer story as he continues his perpetual quest for the presidency.]

You go, John! He's asking us all to get out in the streets! How much longer will it take for a revolution...velvet revolution, of course?

[Of course. Of course. But of course you really want a Bolshevik Revolution.]

I think this is why people busted their ass for you John. You know, that time span you took off during the time period after you knew you had the nomination and November 2nd to beat these fascist bastards in the ground, but instead you went out windsurfing and making a general dork out of yourself. The people also squeezed the blood out of turnips so you would run attack ads bashing Bush so we could save this f*cking country and trusting you to stand up and fight, but you didn't. You know what John just shut the f*ck up and do your job because your never ever again getting another shot at the white house.

[True but it is going to be a lot of FUN to watch Kerry go down hard when the ’08 nomination goes to Hillary instead. The Kerry fall will be HILARIOUS in its angry collapse.]

The right wing would just love it if he shut up and went away. SO HE'S NOT GOING TO DO IT.

[Great! That means even MORE funny DUFU editions.]

Thanks Mr.Kerry for doing your job and working for us. We appreciate it.

[Thanks Mr. Kerry for the wonderful work you are doing for us. And we just KNOW that you will be signing Form 180 because you gave your solid promise that you would do so.]

I met people that actually believed in the swift boat shit.

[Kerry has effectively countered that by PROMISING to sign his Form 180.]

He is doing something in Ohio. Google the name Don McTigue and Ohio if you don't believe me. He's just not jumping up and down like an idiot with no good proof. He's obsessive compulsive, not lazy. And a prosecutor who wouldn't come traipsing out without good, hard evidence.

[Can I also Google the name Bev Harris?]

Did he really lose? That's the million dollar question. Find out about The Republican Noise Machine and you might understand it all better and not blame Kerry. Try Google.

[Anytime we want actual PROOF that the election was stolen, the DUmmies just sigh and tell us to Google the facts. Of course they never tell us HOW the election was stolen. Only that we can find out if we check Google.]

But if he did win, and there was fraud, then maybe it wasn't such a lousy campaign after all. Because, after all, he won, didn't he.

[Of course Kerry won. And I promise I will find out how as soon as I check Google.]

At least he's doing what he should have been doing for years.

[You mean actually WORKING for the first time in his senate career?]

I want to personally thank you for flaming my thread! All you've done is whine and drop "doo" in it. Some people on DU actually care about what John Kerry is doing and believe in him.

[I believe the correct term for those people is “suckers.”]

go Johnny go go go ! keep doin it, the people need to know. If anyone needs to hang their heads, it is us the people who failed you.

[WE ARE NOT WORTHY!!!]

The spotlight is his if he wants it and if he keeps making noises like this he will get it. Keep it comin' John!

[Johnny Boy can make all the flatulent noises he wants but HILLARY will get it.]

It's kind of interesting watching him slowly build up, isn't it. He says he's still fired up. I wonder how long he can keep that up. We need him fired up. He's the Incredible Hulk when he's fired up. He just keeps cranking the rhetoric up a notch each time he opens his mouth. He was nearly ranting last week after the Frist appearance at "Justice Sunday."

[Soon Kerry will be reaching the Al Gore levels in the ranting department.]

Kerry needed a primal scream like Dean, instead he he nuanced his way to extinction.

[YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!]

That's it, John. Seize the fire.

[Seize the Form 180.]

Give um' hell, Senator Kerry! Extremists is right! And we need more of our Dem leaders to become as vocal and direct as Senator Kerry... these Extremists groups that I call "Cults" are seeping into our Government from local, on up to the Hill

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I am a 30,000 year old reincarnated being who materializes once every 5000 years in a Las Vegas hotel suite. My greatest goal in my eternal life is to spend 6 months on a small tropical island with Mary Matalin doing nothing but pitching a DUmmie FUnnies book (with CD-ROM insert) deal with her. If you happen to be Mary Matalin, please contact me at:
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