The Evil Petting Zoo

Home of the Rabbit that Bites People's Heads Off and Eddie Izzard's Evil Giraffe

Friday, September 19, 2008

I'm Surprised She Doesn't Get Torn In Two

Yeah, I know, I've been really shitty about updating. I just started a second job that requires I get up at 5:30 in the morning this week, I've got class all afternoon, and homework in the evenings. I'm adjusting, though, so I'll try and be better.

So. Last we left the Lady Lynn Forester de Rothschild, she was taking hypocrisy in new and thrilling directions by calling Obama an "elitist." Now, she's officially hitched her wagons to McCain, and, in trying to articulate the reason for her shift in position, explains why she views Obama as someone who views himself as superior to the common folk -- and, in the process, drops the word "redneck".

Just so we've got it all straight -- the wife of a British aristocrat calls Obama an "elitist" and then, when trying to explain why he's an elitist, insults the very people Obama supposedly insulted during the whole "bitter" clusterfuck. It's like a diamond of hypocrisy -- beautiful, multi-faceted, and deeply, deeply flawed.

Friday, September 12, 2008

So Much For "Never Forget"

So, yeah, I've been busy this week. I moved back into the dorms, and I've started my senior year. Between the classes, the adjusted schedule, and darting out of town so that I can get stuff that was left behind during the initial move-in, I haven't been able to post much.

Q But Osama bin Laden is the one that — you keep talking about his lieutenants, and, yes, they are very important, but Osama bin Laden was the mastermind of 9/11 –

PERINO: No, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed was the mastermind of 9/11, and he’s sitting in jail right now.

Well, good that we know that now, isn't it?

Seven years. Seven. Motherfucking. Years. That is the time the Bush administration, nay, the GOP as a whole, has been flying around the flag of 9/11 to enforce its agenda. Iraq? 9/11! Iran? 9/11! Patriot Act? 9/11! FISA? 9/11! But it can't cut both ways, can it? When it turns out that we could have done more to prevent 9/11, Bush ignores the 9/11 Commission Report. When we've gone seven years without capturing the man behind al-Qaeda, the administration just shifts the goalposts.

And this isn't going to stop with Bush, not by any stretch of the imagination. At the RNC, which is basically McCain's debutante ball, they air this goddamn monstrosity that hijacks 9/11 to rally the war flag against Iran by connecting the attacks to the hostage crisis. They will keep waving this flag with no sense of shame or humiliation.

They have turned one of the worst tragedies in the history of our nation into a joke. Those disgusting bastards.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Baked Alaska

Well. That blew up nicely, didn't it?

Y'know, when Palin got nominated, I knew there would be doubts raised about her history. I knew there would be doubts raised about her record (anti-choice, anti-gay, pro-big oil, etc.). I just didn't know there would be a shitstorm on par with Hurricane Andrew tearing through a sewage treatment plant.

But the best part of this is seeing the wheels slipping off of McCain's campaign. It's not like they've come all the way off, but all attempts to rationalize the Palin pick are proving to be comedy gold. Cindy McCain goes on This Week and argues that Palin has the extensive foreign policy experience of living closer to Alaska than anyone else (hey, my uncle lives up in Maine, does that mean he gets to sit at the next policy meeting?). A McCain spokesperson goes on CNN to proclaim Palin's experience in handling the National Guard; not only does he get driven into the ground, but McCain cancels his appearance on Larry King that night in retaliation for someone actually acting like a journalist. Meanwhile, McCain shows all signs of keeping his wagons hitched to Palin's, if the RNC speeches are any indication.

This is going to be fun to watch, if only for seeing how far it can go forward before falling to pieces.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

A Darker Shade Of Horse

So, unless you've been living under a rock, you'd know that McCain has picked Alaska Governor Sarah Palin to be his running mate. First of all, I know my opinion isn't much, but I think McCain made the pick to avoid having to grab "the best of a bad hand," as it were. Look at the people who were being floated as his VP -- Fiorina had the HP scandal, Jindal admitted to taking part in an exorcism, Lieberman can't stop rattling the saber, and Romney is... well, he's Mitt Fucking Romney. It's not unexpected that McCain would choose to go outside the pool and pick someone who's an unknown.

But, that's the thing. Palin's an unknown. She's spent all of two years as governor of a state that has a smaller population than Austin, Texas. Her nomination basically throws out every sort of appeal of experience the McCain campaign can make. She doesn't really shore up any of the blank spots in the McCain platform... except for, of course, the age thing. So, where Obama's nomination of Biden carries the tone of someone who's trying to fill his gaps on foreign policy and labor, McCain's nomination of Palin carries the tone of, "In the event the first Miss America cannot fulfill her duties..."

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Your Lips Say Yes, But Your Eyes Say No

So, Hillary Clinton finally, finally gave her speech announcing her support for Barack Obama. She announced her unrivaled support for Obama. Hell, she's the one who led the effort to directly nominate Obama for candidacy. Whatever media narrative there was about Hillary's "bitterness" or "rivalry" has effectively been buried.

Yes, you know, we could actually, for once in our lives, just listen to what someone says, but instead, we're going to dig as far down as we can for something, anything that backs up our conclusions. Because we have all the integrity of a wet paper sack.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

I Stopped Beating My Wife Three Weeks Ago, Thank You

Karl Rove has the moral integrity of a steaming pile of cattle turds, and FOX News the dignity of a shit shoveler.

I don’t think she did too well on saying I love America. That wasn’t adequate enough because, look, people are gonna hear that, and then those that have paid attention to her earlier comments are gonna try and square those two off.

That would be the man who loved his country he so much he helped out an undercover CIA agent to get revenge on her husband, who helped design a campaign ad that put a war veteran on the same level as Saddam Hussein, claiming that Michelle Obama, who poured her heart and soul out over her family and their dedication to the American dream, didn't do enough to fend off the comments that were blown out of proportion by Rove's own friends and allies. That would be the man who rode the coattails of an administration that fucked the economy, curbstomped civil liberties, and left an American city to drown, claiming that a candidate's wife hasn't done enough to prove that she's a proud American.