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The way of Love lately

I used to have this thing about jobs
If in about 3 years I did not evolve or advance
in more ways than one
I would find a new job
most times a completely different job
and then I would come alive again

I am wondering if this is how my relationships are playing out now
the three year itch
where I calculate how much evolution is going on within me
around me
upon me

All these stops and starts
two steps forward
two steps back
the wrong kind of two step
when I wish to be twirling

If I am not advancing
not discovering...
(and not in a pushing
hurrying sort of way either...)
more so,
am I elated about anything?
am I FEELING it?

If I get to a slow crawl in my spirit
or even worse I start sliding backwards
if the water is stagnant
and I feel confined or agitated
held back or chastised
it is doom for me

I can feel myself withering
a kind of dying
and I can justify it as selflessness or tolerance or
an ability to absorb and adapt...
but then the imbalance happens
and my focus slides to the negative automatically
and I doubt and I worry for the collective futures being threatened by us both
EVEN if my nature is positive
like an incessant buzzing from the radio while your most favorite number one hit is playing...

and do not doubt if I truly love,
not for one minute,
one second.

I give you my heart
even if I have to wrestle it back later
for fear it will stop ticking.

see I love you,
but to survive I have to love me better.

~C

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Get out of your head
stop analyzing
let go
and don't strategically plan your every move
wing it
just for today
and make it up as you go along
let the wind
take you where it will
don't do anything
you normally do
think outside the box
open the box and get out!
run with it
go with it
go with the flow
end up somewhere unexpected
somewhere different
somewhere amazing
stop texting
and look up
look around you
don't let life pass you by
smell those roses
notice those white fluffy clouds
those bright "hello" faces
be alive
within your life
and try not to blink
it will be gone
in a FLASH.

He stands between you and sin
with an impassioned plea for you to come with Him
because He sees the threat and he knows the dark contract
that a life without Him holds
He reminds you of His promises
and beckons you once more

He understands the fear he sees in your eyes
and he knows all you've been through
knows you've been convinced by life
that you're absolutely worthless

Oh the lie
that steals from you
His precious precious child
and all He wants to do is take you from here
all you have to do is take His hand...

When wounded, hurt and robbed
a way out seems like mocking
because it couldn't possibly be true
and yet that is what God is offering to you