"The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them: that's the essence of inhumanity."
George Bernard Shaw

Sunday, February 10, 2008

I wonder if he is still homeless...

I sketched this from a photograph of a homeless man I saw online. I do wonder if he is still homeless. I'd like to think somehow he has a home and that he has some family. I wish I knew who took that picture.

On the way home from doctor trips, I always bring the camera and no matter how exhausted, I make sure to stop somewhere to take pictures so I can bring home pieces of life to look at later.

Once we pulled into a large city parking lot place and just started snapping pictures as we slowly turned in a circle and went from seeing skyscrapers to watch those daring windowcleaners (eeks!) to see the reflection of one building into another, to buzzards with amazing wingspans soaring between them, to men at work on the ground beneath, repairing the road, then to the left, suddenly there was the interstate with the traffic speeding so fast over the bridge I am not sure they even took notice they went over it and then the bridge...as I snapped shots of the under side of it and then looked down and took a few of where the rain had turned some dirt into a work of art, I heard my roommate whisper quietly, ....Come look at this. And right there under the bridge some thick undergrowth had lay hidden the most tiny sheltered (and clean) "home". We didn't peek in there for long simply out of respect. Whoever lived there clearly had self-respect. Their small stack of clothing was piled so nice and neat and had a sheet of plastic over it. A broken chair leaning against the fence with a stack of books, protected from weather also with a sheet of plastic. Everything was as clean and organized as it possibly could be under the circumstances. It made me want to cry, it made me want to feed them, it made me want to find them a safe place to live and a place that the police wouldn't run them out of, that there wouldn't be rodents or rain dripping in. Next time I can get in that area, I will bring food that ants can't get into, some bottles of water.

People see a homeless person and think, that could never happen to them.

Anyway, I was stunned by all that life---all in one relatively small place---all pretty much oblivious to each other.

I would rather think they are oblivious anyway, all those people in the skyscrapers--rather than just purely indifferent.

I realized that I might have made it sound like I took this picture myself and then sketched it later. This is not one of my photographs, I wish I knew whose it was. I just sketched a picture from it. :-D

Terry, that hopeless look you spoke of, that seems to be universal in the homeless population---oh, if I could erase that pain! xxoo

Oh Oliviah this is just a great drawing overall! Am most impressed with the facial hair, the nose and the rendering of wrinkles around the eyes...you have a way that simply brings these subjects to life! This mans penetrating gaze is mesmerizing and you captured his emotion! I hope you keep at it, because these drawings of yours are all full of interest! Joey K

The eyes tell it all; nice job sketching the old fellow. I suspect that he is still homeless. I hate to say that but it doesn't seem as if our society has much available help for those at the bottom. We all want to help but it takes our established institutions to push for solutions and enlist our wishes.The homeless problem will most likely get worse before it gets better as I just read that over 20,000 homeless veterans exist in the nether regions of our land.Sorry to be a bummer, but you brought it up!

Olivia,Just saw your comment about the treatments. Do let the doctor know how you are reacting. Different people respond differently to medicines and he should know.I am probably not telling you anything you don't already know, but thought I could lend a push. The best to you.

I'm having an awful time with my memory which is one of the side effects they warned me about that would come with the treatments--so please forgive me if I am repeating myself right now, I just can't deal with reading back over the past posts and trying to to figure if I am or not...

I'm struggling with the side effects the doctors told me to expect. I thought that since I knew what to expect I'd be able to deal with it because at least for once after all these years I'd know what was going on and recognize, "Oh, that's just a side effect from the medication and the injections, nothing to worry about." and I thought I'd handle it fairly well.

But I underestimated how harsh this is to go through.

And I also am getting unnerved by the side effects that they didn't warn me about and I am not sure I can handle doing this indefinitely.

They said it will be about 3 months before my body tolerates the medication. I kind of feel like I could scream right now, getting through one day is almost intolerable.

They said it would cause depression. Good grief. That is an understatement.

The injections are starting to hurt a little and I am getting a little phobic about it. They are not awful, by any means...

I think I am just getting freaked out in general and am jumpy, the medication makes me jumpy, anxious, odd things...I imagine it is because the dose is increased, I imagine it is because having a large quantity of my hair fall out was very, very, very unsettling, I imagine it is because all of this is uncharted waters and I feel like a complete and utter failure for not holding myself together better.

I can't even make it to visit YOUR blogs and I think that makes me feel worst of all. I cry at least 4 or 5 times a day and hate myself for that. This flu symptoms, if that would just go away, if I could just get comfortable for a little while...

I always took it for granted that I so seldom got sick.

It is hard to write this stuff because it makes me feel even worse about myself but I feel guilty for not giving some sort of explanation

I can't sit here anymore, this desk is so uncomfortable. I am going to lay donw a while and maybe I will be able to borrow the laptop later and try, try, try to find a way to get comfortable on my bed so I can visit your blogs.

I'm so sorry I sound so uncomfortable, well, that I am so uncomfortable

Dear Oli, those song lyrics again!!... I hope you still remember how we met, I do not forget those lyrics written in red, coming one right after another... hehe. I say this because this concept of the homeless man reminded me of that album by Jethro Tull, Aqualung, Ian Anderson said about that song: 'Aqualung wasn't a concept album, although a lot of people thought so. The idea came about from a photograph my wife at the time took of a tramp in London. I had feelings of guilt about the homeless, as well as fear and insecurity with people like that who seem a little scary. And I suppose all of that was combined with a slightly romanticized picture of the person who is homeless but yet a free spirit, who either won't or can't join in society's prescribed formats.' Take care of yourself, Antonio.

A soft bed to lay upon sounds soothing and nice. I hope you are getting comfy and feeling a bit better. I've never owned a laptop but I can't imagine it would easy to use it in bed... I remember a friend Trace used to do that all the time but it still sounded awkward. Breathe - slowly - deeply, and relax. I so wish I could just come over and make you something to ease your symtoms. Nothing wrong with crying though - it is natural. HUGS - I'll be back later to check in on you.

When I was about 20 and received my very first bonus from work, I gave a homeless man a $20 dollar bill. When I did, I looked him right in the eyes. He had the most magnificent blue eyes. They thanked me almost tearfully and I wanted to give him the entire bonus then...but I did not.That was 20 years ago. Did I offer him anything that changed his life? Was he healed or homeless still? I wish I had done more.

Goatman, I appreciate your support...I am trying to keep notes to give my doctor so they can make changes, trying not to worry that they won't understand what I need, trying not to worry, period.

Joey, thank you for your kind words on the sketch; I posted the wrong one and it frustrated it me (you know, that bad scanner situation); but you did make me feel better about that.

Terry, I have not been able to try out the laptop on the bed yet. It does seem like it would make my back hurt any which way I turn, when I think of it but I'm not comfortable sitting here either. It might actually feel more comfortable, I hope so!

I was going to post more sketches of homeless people but I think I might post a photograph or something more cheerful. Maybe just a scribble picture. I get tired so easy.

Agnes, What you did for that homeless man came from your heart--and any act that comes from the heart makes a change somewhere--whether it was in his life or in yours, or some person you didn't even know about that may have witnessed what you did for him--you made a change somewhere. Hugs to you

Glad to hear something is different. Keeping several Dr.s on the same page as you regarding meds and dosages etc. is a good thing. We have an elderly friend who, after taking her prescribed meds for a few years was diagnosed as being unable to care for herself, and was not coherent a lot of the time. Another doctor took a look at her case, and after taking her off the meds completely, she is now a completely self-functioning person, just as sharp as a tack as she ever was. Man, just be careful. I so hope you are feeling better.

Hello Oliviah! Just checking back on your site to see if you posted more of your work! I really love this sketch, it was worth it just to come back and see it! You are great at capturing subtly in your drawings, and a wonderful person to know...I hope you are bettet now! Joey

Autumn, thank you for remembering me, I've had a brief reprieve (sort of) waiting for the right dose to get here--it arrives in a couple of hours...shudder, I am definitely getting phobic of needles. But I am also determined to get over it. xo

Trée, it's good to hear from you, I've missed you. Glad you still think about me. :-D