Gruntled

I ran across this post on Tumblr and have pretty much had a field day trying to make gruntledhappen (it’s the new “fetch,” y’all). Not really, but I’ve said it a few times. It just sounds so…negative. But I thought I’d share it on here since I’ve gotten such a kick out of it. And yes, I’m indeed feeling gruntled these days.

It’s been awhile since I last blogged a “real” blog; a month, in fact. Ironically, I’ve had more hits in the last month than in any one month since I’ve written the blog. All those hits definitely forced a huge hit to my sometimes self-aggrandizing nature, and so I chose to step back and take some time off while the blog continued to propel itself. The truth is I wrote two blogs that are still sitting in my drafts unpublished. I had someone near and dear to me tell me I have a bad habit of involving everyone around me in my trials and tribulations, and it hurt to hear that. But then I read a quote–on Tumblr as well–to the effect of, “If you tell two or three people about your problem, you’re seeking advice. If you tell more people than that, you’re just seeking attention.” And I think for all practical purposes that’s probably true. Not to sound coarse, but I have a bit of the attention whore streak in me. That feeds into the addiction to drama, and I’ve certainly been doing my darndest to distance myself from that. I have a good life which I’m trying to uncomplicate on a daily basis; there’s no reason to bitch and complain. We all have our challenges and one can either go to therapy and deal with them or it’s probably best to keep your trap shut and let the bad times pass. Because they always do.

On the sobriety front, I am doing well. I’ve had a couple of relapses, the last of which was one of the one-day, ending-in-bad-results kind (vomiting in bed all day). I share this matter-of-factly because I’m in a good place where I know I don’t need to drink. There’s really nothing else to be said about it, except that I’m proud of all the progress I’ve made in the last year. While I may have stumbled, I’ve gotten up, kept going, and am determined to be happy and seek out unfettered peace of mind in appropriate avenues away from alcohol. I no longer feel the need to have my sobriety validated by anyone, or to dramatize the issue or drag anyone else into it. It’s something I’m doing for me because I want to feel my best each day, and I honestly feel so much better when I don’t drink.

On the relationship front, I’m trying to dial down the speed dating concept I had going on because that became exhausting and the stories quit being funny, quite frankly. I had brunch with a guy on Sunday whom I literally have absolutely. nothing. in. common. with. Super nice, handsome guy whom I’ve chatted with online pretty much since I lived in Vegas, but just no connection. I enjoy my own company too much, perhaps…but then again I say I’m lonely and don’t want to end up alone. I’m simultaneously reading Jennie ‘90210’ Garth’s autobiography and a bio on Tennessee Williams (because that’s how I roll when I check out books from the library), and it’s fascinating in a way to me that they both dealt with a great deal of loneliness in their lives. Jennie still does, obviously, being as how she’s very much alive. A reminder again that we all have issues, and it’s all in how we deal with them. Jennie turns to her ranch for peace of mind and contentment, since she grew up on a farm. Tennessee turned to his alcohol and sex addictions. A telling reminder that we all make choices; some good, some bad, some which fulfill us, some which destroy us.

I hope everyone is having a great Holy Week and is gruntled enough to experience a very Happy Easter. I’ll be sharing mine with my family back home in Georgia, and for that I truly do feel extremely and unabashedly gruntled.