“I remember back when I was writing Rain Main, and I kept trying to work in a scene for Tom Cruise where both his legs and arms got dislocated as he hung upside down from a helicopter,” said Bass. “But I just couldn’t make it work. That scene never left me, though.”

Industry experts were surprised to learn Bass is responsible for Balls Out, given his rather traditional, safe credit list.

“This is no Waiting To Exhale,” said a repulsed Fox exec. “Frankly, this script is so wrong on so many levels, it makes me question Ron’s sanity.”

But Bass insists he and his cadre of writers were simply looking for a chance to “flex their anal muscles” and “drop a load in the eye of Hollywood.” While he wouldn’t reveal Robotard’s next script, Bass did warn that it would “knock your ass out your mouth” if you read it.