Hey there. Long time no see blog. I know you’re probably not speaking to me now, because you think I just abandoned you without even a sayonara, but at least let me explain. No, don’t look at me like that, I have a good reason, I promise! Just give me one more chance. Please?

So, the last you heard from me was early July. I really have no explanation for the rest of that month, except to say that I was sad, and it’s hard to write witty, snarky posts when consumed by the sadness. By the time I started to emerge from the funk, it was the annual family vacation time, which we all so desperately needed. So, August started out pretty good, with a full week and a half of vacationing down the beach with my husband’s crazy and wonderful family. It was relaxing and fun and everything a vacation at the beach should be. I laid in the sun and got tan, took my kids on rides and played games and mini-golfed, and even had a date night with my hubs at the local casino where I won some cash. All and all it was the perfect getaway.

And then we returned, and I was punished for that enjoyment with extreme prejudice. I got sick. At first, I thought it was just a bad cold, so I took a day off of work and went to my OB (because I’m there all the damn time and knew they wouldn’t charge me a $50 co-pay just to get a note for work). I told them I had a cold and needed a note, they checked the baby’s heartbeat (although the baby was just fine thanks), gave me my note, and I was on my way. Although, the next day I felt even worse! I decided just to take another day off to rest and try to recuperate, and deal with the whole “note” thing later. But then Friday came. And I felt the same. I took another day (which is insane for me) and decided that it was finally time to go to an actual doctor.

Diagnosis? Sinus infection. Well, crap. And since I’m allergic to penicillin and also pregnant, I was limited in the meds I could take. So, I was given Erythromycin and sent on my way. Cut to Monday where I still feel like hell and don’t make it into work again. This was getting out of control. I had no choice but to suck it up for Tuesday, since I was due in court, but by Tuesday afternoon, when I still felt like death, I returned to the doc to see what was up.

Apparently, I still had the infection as the meds had not worked. On to antibiotic #2: the Z-pac. Once again, I dragged myself into work the next day for court, but by Thursday, I was done and took another day. This was getting ridiculous, but I just couldn’t really function. I once again womaned up for Friday and got to work, but knew I was in for another visit to the doc that afternoon when I felt exactly the same. I happened to see the same doc from my first visit, and he informed me that my ears and throat looked just as infected as they had a week ago. So, he prescribed the last possible antibiotic he could, which was Bactrum (#3), but also told me that if that one didn’t work, I’d have to go to an ENT to have my sinuses drained. Oh, and that involved the breaking of my nasal bone to get up there and do that. So that was good news!

Cut to Monday and I still feel the same and take another day off. And also call the ENT, reluctantly, to make an appointment. First available is for the following Friday. Great.

The next 2 days are court days, so I’m at work, despite feeling the same. Thursday I take off again. Although, it was fortuitous that I was off, because I got a call early that morning from the ENT about a cancellation for that afternoon at 3:00. Could I come in? Damn straight I could.

Luckily, the doc was nice and didn’t break anything. But, he also told me that it appeared that I no longer had the infection. When I told him I still felt like crap, he poked around in all of my head orifices and said that it could be residual stuff in there or maybe even allergies. He stuck some stuff up my nose and ended up sucking out a bunch of extreme snottiness. Yum. When I asked him about the nose breaking, he seemed surprised that the other doctor told me that, and explained that he doesn’t normally do that as a practice, unless it’s in very extreme circumstance. Instead, he gave me some Nasonex, and sent me on my way.

Happy ending, right? Oh how I wish it was that simple. Cut to two days later and I’m sitting at my son’s baseball game feeling very uncomfortable and itchy. I start seeing all of these little red dots appearing all over me and am feeling quite miserable (in addition to the current sinus misery I was still feeling, for whatever reason). By the end of the day, I was a giant ball of red itchiness, so I passed on dinner with the team and ran home, stopping only to buy some oatmeal bath and gold bond menthol lotion. Those were the only things that soothed my body when I had my last rash . . . 9 years ago when I was pregnant with my first child and contracted a rare pregnancy rash called PUPPS. Miserable. Hoping it wasn’t that, since I had 3 months to go before the baby came and the rash would subside, I went home and took my oatmeal bath and slathered myself with cooling lotion. And . . . nothing. I still felt the same, and actually it was getting worse by the minute.

By late that night, it had traveled to my face and I was completely covered with red bumpy itchies from head to toe. Even my hair itched. Not to mention other places that . . . well, I’m not going to mention. At this point, I figured it wasn’t PUPPS, but a reaction to one of the meds I was taking. This was the same reaction I got from Penicillin 20 years ago. Currently, I was on Bactrum and Nasonex, and had had some Afrin/Lydocain sprayed up my nose 2 days prior by the ENT. It could have been a reaction to any of these. I just wish I knew which one.

Every attempt at sleep that night proved fruitless. My entire body felt like it was on fire. No matter how many oatmeal baths or lotion slatherings I administered, I felt exactly the same. After my 3rd bath and lotioning at 3:00 am, I decided that sleep was not an option for me that night, so I grabbed my book and headed downstairs to read and then watch TV until the sun came up. At 7:00, my youngest son woke up to see me downstairs, and was very confused. I came up to greet him, and he looked at me with his head tilted and a bit of apprehension on his face. “Mom, you look . . . different.” I told him I was sick and he asked if I had the chicken pox. I told him I just had a rash. (Later, he would tell my husband that I looked “creepy.” He wasn’t wrong).

After trying again to sleep and finding it to be impossible still, I took another bath and decided that I was again going to have to go to the doctor. So, dressed in my finest pajamas, unwashed hair pulled back in a bun, glasses and no make up on, I ventured out into the world to scare more children. After an hour of waiting to be seen, the doctor asked what was wrong, and I told her I was having an allergic reaction. She said she would give me steroids, and I told her I was pregnant. So, apparently, Benadryl was the only thing I could take. Luckily, she had some there, so she gave me my pills and finally let me go home. Worth noting is that she never even examined me. Maybe I was just too “creepy” to touch?

I spent the rest of the day in bed and misery. I could hear the entire extended family splashing around and whooping it up outside at my pool. Did I mention that this was Labor Day weekend? Yeah. I had left strict instructions that nobody was to come in the house. I was much too frightening to be seen.

Later that evening, I actually started to feel a bit of relief. Whether it was the meds that were working, or complete and utter exhaustion, I at least was finally able to sleep that night. A couple days later, the rash was cleared up and I felt better. Still with the crappy sinus issues (since I’d stopped taking the Nasonex in case that was the culprit of the rash), but no longer on fire from head to toe. That might be the best I can hope for at this point.

So, that’s my long, ridiculous story of this past month. Of the 20 days possible for me to be at work in August, I managed to make it in a mere 7 times. Creativity and writing were pretty much out of the question during that entire time as well. So, that’s my excuse. Are we good? All square and such? It really wasn’t entirely my fault. You’ll have to blame my plague.

(Below are some pics of the rash. These are not for the faint of heart, so if you’d prefer not to look, run away now while your eyes are still in tact. You’ve been warned . . .)