The Chokers

I love The Tudors. I love the costumes, the pretty people, the scenery, and the over-wrought and oft-ridiculous performances. It’s silly and engaging telly, and I wouldn’t be without it. Plus, I want to sleep with most of the cast.

But what in the name of all that is holy is Jonathan Rhys Meyers doing in this last series? Now, he’s an insufferable little prick to watch at the best of times but he’s really pulling out all the stops for series four. In series one to three, his general modus operandi was to SHOUT every single emotion, regardless of what it was, or at whom it was directed. When he wasn’t shouting, he favoured pausing after every two words in a sentence to make his point. He made his point, you could argue, but it wasn’t worth listening to after the second or third round of tedious delivery. He’s a very limited actor, there’s no doubt.

In series four, he’s upped it a notch and has taken to talking in a Very Deep Voice (whilst still shouting and pausing for every line). At first, I thought he probably had a cold on the day of filming so I could let it pass, but as it continued, I realised that he was doing it presumably because his character (Henry VIII) was getting old and he thought this would be the best way to convey his increasing years. It’s so really not. (Oi, director, you’re supposed to know things like this.) I know quite a few aged gentlemen and none of them speak like they’ve just started choking on a piece of toast, so it’s beyond me why he thinks that this is an effective strategy. Frankly, I think that members of the over-paid acting fraternity should know better if I do. I find myself looking at the screen and saying, ‘Clear your throat, man, what the hell’s wrong with you?!’ Or, at the very least, hoping when he started that carry on that someone had the good sense to slap him hard on the back a couple of times to put him out of his misery. Or, you know, his face. Whichever was closest…