Ask E. Jean: I'm The "You're Too Skinny" Chick

I'm perfectly healthy, so how do I deal with nasty comments?

Dear E. Jean: I'm 5'6" and 94 pounds—skinny but perfectly healthy! I eat plenty and often, I promise. But how do I reply to women—it's usually women—who tell me to "stop starving" myself, or that I have "legs like arms"? In the past I've just smiled and said, "Thanks." But I'm sick of it! What should I retort? —Seeking Gravitas

Seeking, My Sweet: I heard my friend Helen Chase, the painter and legendary Nyack, New York, hostess, answer this very question. Helen was standing before a mirror in a shop, trying on a navy blue sweater, when a lady paused behind her, tilted her head, and said: "You'd look better in that if you gained a few pounds."

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Without so much as a half-glance toward the woman—denying her very existence on the planet—Helen gazed in the mirror and said: "I'm happy just the way I am."

Later I yanked the woman out of the store and said: "My friend is dying of throat cancer."

Helen was dead three weeks later.

So tell me: How do you wish to spend your one beautiful and prized existence? Do you want to waste it in "retorts" to jackasses about your petite carbon footprint? Or do you want to reply that you are happy just the way you are?