These people prove it is a terminal condition. As always, competition this year has been keen. The candidates this year are...

Eighth Place In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

Sixth Place While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

HONORABLE MENTION Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M., so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay near by. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and the tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER IS... Zoo keeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves ........ "Shit happens."

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Hatred does not cease in this world by hating, but by not hating; this is an eternal truth. --- Buddah, The Dhammapada

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."

"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?"

"Um. I HATE liver and cheese ," blurts the Golden Retriever. "My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?" The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua.

He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says

Ok, so I'm really irritated with having to vote in 2008. There are too many people running. It's hard to decipher who is for or against what. Are there any websites that list all the candidates, their stance on all the issues and all on one site so I’m not jumping from site to site. This one talks about abortion but not gay marriage. This one talks about Iraq but not healthcare. This one talks about jobs but not social security. Driving me crazy. I’m trying to build my own little excel spreadsheet so I can see it all for myself but I’m not find what I want on the individual websites. HELP!! This will be only my second time voting and I want to make a responsible decision but I’m having a hard with each candidates’ individual website. I know I have a lot of time to research but I'm getting frustrated.

An elderlycouple visit McDonalds. He orders one hamburger, one order of french fries and onedrink.The old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cutsit inhalf. He places one half in front of his wife. He then carefullycountsout the french fries, dividing them into two pilesand neatly placingone pile in front of his wife. He takes a sip of the drink,his wife takes a sip and then setsthe cup down between them. As he begins to eat his fewbites ofhamburger, the people around them keep looking over and whispering. You could tell they were thinking, "That poor oldcouple - all they can afford is one meal for thetwo of them." As the old man begins to eat his fries a young man comes to thetable. He politely offers tobuy another meal for the old couple. The oldman says they are justfine - they are used to sharing everything. The surrounding people notice the little oldlady hasn't eaten abite. She sits there watching her husbandeat and occasionally takes turns sipping the drink. Again the young man comes over and begs them to let him buyanother meal for them. This timethe old woman says "No, thank you, we areused to sharing everything."As the old man finishes and is wiping his face neatly with thenapkin,the young man again comes over to the little old lady who has yet toeat a single bite of food and asks "What is it you are waiting for?"

I have thought about this. A conspiracy is planning by two or more people, to commit a felony, with a significant step done in perpetrating the felony. That is from memory.

The CIA Director told Bush the WMDs were a slam dunk. Congress was finessed into authorizing the invasion before the November elections. I think the fake Nigerian document could be used against them, but it came from the Brits. It was definitely used even though it was known to be fake.

The problem is that these are the policy makers for the nation. If we go after them for conspiracy it should be because they didn't have the nation's interest in mind. The worst part is they DID have our interests in mind, it is just a different view of our interest than most of us have. We gave them credit for a lot of knowledge that they did not have.

The surge will not work. We are just doing a last gasp effort before ultimate withdrawal. The jockying for control and power in Iraq will not be pretty. Iran wants to be recognized as a nation and not to be invaded. Many Americans can't understand Iran, but Iran has been successful in becoming a focal point in the Muslim world. They have accrued much prestige. It is in their best interest to make sure our armies are preoccupied with Iraq.

Our biggest problem is getting out of this mess. I don't want to be distracted with special investigations and prosecutors. The watergate era was extemely poloarizing and depressing. I kinow we will have investigations, I am not looking forward to them.

I've been reading this thread and I thought I'd share a book I'm reading that I think some of you may enjoy. It is called U.S. v. Bush by Elizabeth de la Vaga, who is a former federal prosecutor. The book is basically a fictional transcript of an indictment presented to a Grand Jury charging George W. Bush, Richard Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Condoleezza Rice and Colin Powell with conspiracy to defraud the United States. All of the facts presented in the book are real and completely factual, this charge could legally be brought against these defendants if the US Attorney's office were inclined to prosecute. I may be biased because I am in school for political science and women's studies and plan to go to law school when I've completed my degree, but I think the book is fascinating and I think it would be wonderful to hold these people accountable for tricking most of America and Congress to engage in an unnecessary war. Let me know if any of you decide to read it, whatever your opinion of it may be. It's so fascinating I've been craving a book club, just to have someone to discuss it with.

This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged men. Even the font is easy to read. Unlike most chain letters, this one doesn't cost anything!

Just send a copy of this letter to five of your male friends who are equally tired and discontent. Then bundle up your wife and/or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the following list, and add your name to the bottom of the list.

When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women. One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have.

At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184 women, four of whom were worth keeping.

This chain also brings good luck. One man's pit bull died, and the next day he received a Playboy playmate.

An unmarried Jewish man living with his widowed mother was able to choose between a Hooter's waitress and a Hollywood super model.

You can be lucky too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN! One man broke the chain and got his wife back again.

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"