The rules are
1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog. [Okay]
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird. [Heh, don't hold your breathe about how weird I'm gonna get.]
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs. [Nope. Ain't doing it.]
4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog. [See #3]
5. Present an image of martial discord from whatever period or situation you’d like. [Okay - though I admit I don't get this one, in context.]

I, like many of the others who have suffered through this, also misread the initial requirement of martial discord as marital - so this is probably some college student's bad psych project...

Seven facts.

1. Not counting deployments, etc, I've lived in 22 places over the years. While this does include multiple times in the same area, like Fort Sill, there's always more than a year between those times, and with one exception, a different street address.

2. I've visited every continent except Australia and Antarctica. 99% of the time it was not to meet interesting people and kill them, as the old snark goes (only on weekends, if you're a Reservist).

3. I'm one of the few bloggers who've been invited to spend an hour with the President in the White House as a result of my blogging.

4. Heh. I've met Michelle Malkin, gotten hugs and chatted, and can't score a link. I've never met Glenn Reynolds, but I've gotten 5 Instalanches in the last two months... of course, I'm still not blogrolled by Glenn... or Malkin for that matter. But I have done Hugh Hewitt's radio show, which is always fun. Hmmm. The key seems to be - stay away from them, interact remotely, and don't let 'em get close enough to smell you... 8^ )

5. I'd like to find a way to make this writing about stuff I really like to write about turn into a paying gig - but the writing I do that I *do* get paid for pays a lot better than anyone wants to pay for what I do on the blog... which, in truth, is a good measure of the value of the blog... sigh. Because the writing I do for a living is... boring. Important, but really boring.

6. When I retired, I was allowed to keep my kevlar helmet and gas mask, because they were custom-made to fit this huge pumpkin on my shoulders. My football helmets were custom-made, too. That's one way you know you're a decent ballplayer - they're willing to spend the money on a custom helmet. Well, except for my first helmet. When I played youth football in Germany, the AYA (American Youth Activities) didn't have a helmet that would fit. So my Dad got ahold of the people who were storing the football equipment for the 3rd Armored Division football team (Divisional competitive sports had recently been discontinued) and got a helmet from them. It was an older-style helmet, but we marked it to match the graphics of my team (Go Eagles!) and thus was a nickname bestowed. No. You don't get to know.

7. I won my first competitive shooting trophy when I was 14, shooting a Colt Combat Masterpiece while I was attending the Missouri Cadet Patrol Academy. That was an American Legion thing conducted ICW the Missouri Highway Patrol at the Patrol's academy in Jefferson City. I had never pulled a trigger prior to that. A man approached my Dad at the graduation/awards ceremony (Dad was in his Colonel-suit) and congratulated him on how well he had trained me. This guy fully expected his son, who finished 2nd, 10 points behind me, to win. Dad looked at him and said, "I didn't teach him anything. This is the first time he's ever shot anything as far as I know. He doesn't even have a BB gun." Heh.

On to a picture of martial/marital discord. I give you both. The Secretary of Defense filing for divorce from the Secretary and Chief of Staff of the Air Force...

Air Force Secretary Michael W. Wynne, left, and Air Force Chief of Staff Gen. T. Michael Moseley resigned Thursday following a series of high-profile scandals and disagreements between Air Force leadership and Secretary of Defense Robert Gates.

It's a fair observation, fits the meme in multiple ways, and I see it as a chance for the Air Force to take stock and re-evaluate - you have to admit, there've been some real problems of late.

I can't tell you how hopping mad pissed I was this week when I read of the extent of the AF problem with nukes the last couple of years - because I know people whose military careers effectively ended because a soldier passed a tool *over* a weapon, and not under it, during an eval.

If may be painful, but getting jerk through a keyhole may be the best thing to happen to the AF in some time.

And you know I'll slap the Army around when I think it's needful, so it's not like I'm playing favorites, Dusty.

June 18, 2008

Why I'm Voting Democrat

[Kat]

The Armorer stole my thunder, but I definitely wanted to explain to all of our dear Castle Readers why I am going to vote Democrat this year.

I'm voting Democrat because I believe that we don't have nearly enough regulation of our commerce, health care and free speech. Especially, free speech. There are way too many people saying way too many things that just don't jive with my political and personal beliefs. I think we should be able to use the government, the police, the courts and any ad hoc, un-elected, un-trained bureaucrats to point out and persecute people who don't say or think the right things. We can call it a human rights commission. Wouldn't that be ironic? But, everyone would take that super serious just because of the name and when they prescribe a thousand mea culpa's on our knees for daring to note someone has a different color of eyes than all the other people, we'll be so grateful it wasn't worse.

People can be offended by the things that people say, write and do and the people that do these offensive things should be made examples of using every means possible, up to and including imprisonment. I am so ready for that because I am way tired of being offended.

Seriously, I need to be told what to say, think and do because I absolutely have no self control and would feel so much better if I didn't have to think for myself. You know, I would probably be so much better off if people would just take control of the internet and keep me from typing. It would make the whole internet so much safer and less offensive if I was kept off the internet along with adult entertainment sites (I can't say pr0n because the net nannies already censor that word).

You know the only thing that anyone should see on the internet are Islamic extremist websites. Those we have to protect at all costs as part of our First Amendment, which, you know, only applies to people threatening to kill the very people who instituted the internet AND free speech. Anyone who objects is a Nazi!

I especially look forward to people telling me what I can eat, drink, smoke or otherwise do with my body short of aborting children because then my body is my own. I don't understand why people don't understand the difference. You know, when I eat, drink or smoke whatever I want, I am damaging my health and becoming a drain on the system. By aborting an unwanted child, I am saving the system millions of dollars in public education, health care, behavioral modification (since I definitely don't want to be able to discipline my child and harsh words may result in terrible psychological damage, resulting in hours of therapy or long stays in the juvenile system) and probably reducing my chances of gaining weight due to pregnancy and, you know, becoming a drain on the system.

I am going to vote Democrat because free trade is for the birds. People make money off of the other people and some of those people don't make as much money. There ought to be a law! Particularly those evil oil companies. My gas costs have gone up by 100% and someone needs to be punished! Screw drilling, the only drilling I want to see is into the head of the CEO of Chevron or Exxon Mobile. Chavez was right! We should nationalize our oil industry.

That way no private corporations can make money off of it and, if we do decide to do drilling in protected places, the government can just make a law or something that makes sure any drilling is accompanied by the appropriate genuflecting to Giaia and healing ceremonies for the earth's chakras. When it's all said and done, no matter how much drilling we do, my gasoline prices will keep getting higher at phenomenal rates so that I can feel Giaia's pain of being raped for natural resources and eventually be forced to ride my bicycle 30 miles to work each morning or, you know, stop working all together. It's better to be poor and living off of welfare than to hurt Giaia's feelings. Heck, I might even lose some weight, either way and, you know, stop being a drain on the system.

I am going to vote Democrat because I'm tired of war. I'm definitely tired of trying to fix Iraq. I mean, we shouldn't have been there in the first place and people should be left to determine their own destiny. You know, if they want to kill each other, it's not our problem. Unless, of course, it involves Burmese monks, starving Somalis, or people in Europe. Then we ought to go in with guns blazing. Rwanda? Not so much. That was too messy and would have involved a million dead people. That is just too many dead people to see on my TV screen juxtaposed with American troops. Someone might get the idea that we were involved or something and accuse us of war crimes like that terrible Abu Graihb or Haditha.

Not that anything has to happen, but, even the hint of an impression can be blown out of proportion by the media and politicians. Of course, it helped recruit more terrorists the six months it was the number one story on tv. Nothing wrong with that. It's really good for our souls and keeps the United States humble while we watch more of our troops die. Bush lied, people died! Or something. How's that line from "Oliver" go? Please, sir, may I have some more?

It's much better to keep our troops at home or on their bases where they can't hurt anyone or be hurt. They can just march around carrying empty guns and pretending to play army like they did when they were kids. Maybe we won't even let them have guns because that is so, you know, militant and might undermine our true mission of humanitarian relief and good will missions around the globe.

That's one of the reasons why I want us to withdraw from Iraq. There are too many dead people I had to hear about and see on my nightly news. You know, if we aren't there, we won't have to see it that much and we definitely won't have to care. Besides, then the Shia and Sunni extremists can turn their guns on each other. Maybe they'll be too busy to think about attacking America?

If they attack us, though, we'll track them down with our soon to be created international police force that will get warrants from the Hague and international criminal court. It might take decades to track down these terrorists and they might actually die of natural causes before we get them, but, at least, the world will know that we treat terrorists fairly and respect their grievances.

You know, maybe we'll even award Osama Bin Laden the Presidential Medal of Freedom for single handedly teaching us about the cruelty and sinfulness of our democratic, freedom loving life. He is so right, you know, freedom is over rated. Besides, bin Laden made Bushie look like a fool up there in Tora Bora. That was fan-freaking-tastic! I never liked that evil Bush anway. I mean, he kept calling people "evil". That is way gauche, even for an oil man from Texas. You know, that bin Laden taught us an important lesson about humility and how to recognize that backwards, murderous ideologies aren't really equal to ours, but so much more superior. It has to be, right? Because people are so willing to die for it. Most of them involuntarily at the hands of bin Laden and company, but it still proves that they have legitimate grievances, right?

I mean, what other ideology gives women the freedom to be subjugated and dressed in a veil? Besides, everyone knows that whole "male dominance" thing is the secret fantasy of women the world over and property rights never did anything for anyone but make them pay higher taxes. And, that's not right unless, you know, you make over $50,000 a year, filthy rich, stingy people. Still, you know, the best part was how bin Laden humilitated the United States and showed Bushie to be the total bumbler that he was. Every time I think about that I get a thrill running up my leg.

Finally, I am voting Democrat because I am almost absolutely positive that my television has been telling me to vote Democrat. Plus, all those cheering throngs chanting for Obama. I absolutely have to be part of the in crowd. Popularity is way better than hard work. Besides, I might get to see a rock concert by some mock Bolsheviks. Man, how often does that happen in one life time?

I am voting Democrat because I refuse to play battered wife to corrupt Republicans. What is left to me as a voter is the primary function of a voter: Throw the bums out.

Would that make life harder? Maybe, but I've seen hard times before. Republicans certainly want us to think that things would be worse without them no matter how bad things are with them. That makes the short form of Republican policy toward their supporters, "You're my bitch."

No. I'm not.

by Fred on June 18, 2008 2:21 PM

umm, Fred, the Dems are the "INS", unless you're caught in a time warp. But with flawless logic like you are showing I can see how you might get confused.

by swift boater on June 18, 2008 4:21 PM

I was going to vote Democrat because all the cool kids and celebrities are doing it, but these are pretty good reasons too.

Swift Boater - while I agree with you broadly, I do understand the frustration of people like Fred... pushed into a corner by a party that lost it's way, with the only alternative cutting your nose off to spite your face.

It's a dilemma.

Of the two democrats running for President, I find John McCain the lesser of two devils. He's at least a Scoop Jackson democrat.

It looks like this year, the People (who voted in the primaries, anyway) wanted anything but a Republican, and that's what they got.

I wish I could be more excited about McCain... but hey, I've not been excited about a politician since Reagan.

Please remember though that another reason to vote for Reid, Pelosi & Obama is so that when the international police finally serve Mr. bin Laden and Mr. Zawahiri their indictments that under no circumstance should they become MARTYRS.
If that were to happen then even the moderate members of their fan club would frown sternly in our general direction and not be amused.

May 20, 2008

Concerning Angels, Pins, and Dancing

I have no idea why you mortals have spent the last few thousand years getting all worked up about our recreational activities. Really, you are over-thinking things just a tad if this post is any example. Instinct for the capillary, I believe it's called.

First: Yes, angels dance. It is a relaxing and enjoyable activity that my therapist says can help with the Tuttle-related flashbacks, except when there are collisions which just triggers them again.
Second: We don't dance on pins. (Why pins? This has never been clear to me. Why not ... oh, mushrooms? Or spiderwebs? Clouds, even? I really don't understand humans. At all.) Anyway, as I was saying ... we're angels. Check out the wings. Our dances are three-dimensional because we fly. No dancing surfaces needed.

I hope this helps alleviate some of the uncertainty inherent in the human condition. Really, guys, you've got more interesting things to wonder about -- like why the number of hot dogs in a package is not the same as the number of hot dog buns in a package. Aren't they supposed to go together?

Ah, but just because you don't have to dance on a surface doesn't mean you can't.
It just adds in the additional variable of wondering whether or not Angels who are currently not in contact with the head of the pin are considered as dancing 'on' the pin or not.

And if you make buns in the arrangements necessary to match the number of hot dogs in a package then you either get an unworkably long set of buns or you wind up with buns 'in the middle' that can't be easily separated.

Alive. Not out of trouble; even ANGCOM thought that was out of scope. Just ... alive. Reasonably undamaged is a plus.

what kind of laundry detergent do you use to keep those gossamer vestments so shiny and supple?

static electricity buildup, but you have to remember not to ground yourself. Plus, make sure you stay away from the stream of hydraulic fluid. Given Tuttle's fondness for trackless rollercoasters, harder than you might think.

by carborundum on May 20, 2008 3:41 PM

Hey Carb-baby....
When you're up there, milling around heaven, with nothing better to do... how about throwing some protective cover my way?

Especially while gardening, and apparently touching poison ivy, and then wiping sweat away from my cleavage with the same gloved hands I touched the poison ivy with.

DAMN.... braless sure sounds good right now. Reduces friction between breastessess- and the blisters.

Anyone got any cordisone??!!!!

by WereKitten on May 20, 2008 6:46 PM

Damn, that poison ivy thing sounds awful!!! Johnson and Johnson makes an anti-itch gel that used to be called rhuli, now I think it is just anti-itch, but it works really, really well.

Hey WK, Trudy says you can share some of her calamine lotion that I got her to clear up the stress rash that she got from stress during her finals week.

by Jon the Mechanic on May 20, 2008 9:09 PM

I remember the Rhuligel, Beth- but I haven't been able to find it! That's what I used to use growing up, but it's nowhere to be found now. :-(

It itches so bad it burns.

Tell Trudy I hope her rash clears up soon!!

by WereKitten on May 21, 2008 6:52 AM

The oil causing the blisters is tough stuff -- KtLW has had some luck with using a lemon-based dishwashing detergent, but you've got to do it *gently* so you don't pop the blisters and get the oil inside your outside.

May 15, 2008

This is no [some bull]shite!

It's not new and I didn't look, but Bill may have run this before), but it's funny, and it strikes at the heart of a chunk of the military experience... the stories. And the picture is worth it.

A guy was driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he saw a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog for Sale'.

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the back yard and sees a nice looking Beagle sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Beagle replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

The Beagle looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA and they had me sworn into the toughest branch of the armed services...the United States Marines. You know one of their nicknames is 'The Devil Dogs.'

'In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders; because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running, but the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger. So, I decided to settle down.'

'I retired from the Corps (8 dog years is 56 Corps years) and signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's such a bullshitter ... He never did any of that shit. He was in the Navy!'

That must be a very young rooster; not once did he go into attack mode. When I was a kid my rooster, just like the Barred Rock Rocky you have didn't like being chased around. I still have scars.

Never turn your back on a rooster.
If you wear shorts have a leaf rake handy to guard your shins and thighs.
Their spurs can cut through dockers, although jeans will give some protection.
If you wave your hands over their head they will look up and you can drop kick them over an eight foot chicken wire fence after they've cut up your new school pants.

Other then that...watch your 6...especially in their chicken run.

by Fishmugger on May 14, 2008 11:37 AM

FM, I'm not stupid enough to try and kick SWWBO's animals. That's a death sentence. There's no kicking of animals at Castle Argghhh!, unless John does it when nobody's looking.

Clearly, the rooster gave up, probably bored by the lack of challenge.

Oh, come on. It was the kid's quest to catch Satchmo and if you had seen how proud that kid was when he finally did you'd kick yourself for taking that away from him. There's three spots in the vid where I had a good chance of grabbing the bird but passed up. I was the blocking element and Alex was the stalking horse. That's how I planned it and that's how I played it. When did I morph from gollum into Rodney Dangerfield?

I guess this would be the equivalent of kicking it through the end zone, eh?
0>;~}

by DL Sly on May 14, 2008 12:14 PM

John, the problem with picture like this, "What is your point of view?" If you are looking down or over and seeing that picture, it's one thing. But if you're looking up, it's a completely different picture!"

May 11, 2008

I deny everything

ANGCOM would like to take the opportunity to state, for the record, that this purported Guardian Angel has absolutely no connection to them and they repudiate, with extreme prejudice and a ten foot pole, any and all responsibility for disasters associated with its use. Just to clarify, this fake GA is what you mortals call a computer program. Real GAs are numinous spirit beings with wings that don't have license agreements or inexplicable error messages. Further, when WE decide to do something to save your hides, we do not ask your permission or input. Just ask Tuttle. The real hint is the fake GA was spawned by B*ll G*tes. Do I really need to tell you we don't work with that guy? He's responsible for a significant percentage of current human moral decay, you know. Too many Blue Screens of Death lead to profanity, violence, and subsequent corrosion of the soul. And just look at what they want to do with this idiotic idea:

"In addition to protecting you from possibly diseased people, by detecting body temperatures, the Guardian Angel's 'monitoring component can take note of the number of conversations occurring in a room (and more specifically, a breakdown of the types of people in the room accompanied by a warning for dangerous persons, based on sex offender registration, FBI most wanted, etc.).' The versatile Guardian Angel, Microsoft notes, can also recommend restaurants, advise you on the appropriateness of your jokes, detect that your heartbeat has stopped, display targeted ads on billboards, and block spam."

I mean, nothing bad could possibly come of that. (courteous dip of the wings to Slashdot)

If that little Big Brother app was developed by the same hellspawn crew that inflicted Visio and Office 2007 on the world, it will be more likely to stop your pacemaker than block spam.

"Guardian Angel has detected an anomalous micropulse emanating from your chest that could possibly be the result of a previously undetected malware download. Would you like Guardian Angel to cure the
*pzzzzzzzzzzz-apppppppppt*
malware? *Okay* *Not Now*"

The Rooster Wranglers of Argghhh!

[Kat]

Since no one has offered me a bribe or generally genuflected in my direction and blackmail loses its power unless you're willing to do what you said you would do, I bring you your Sunday morning laugh: the Rooster Wranglers of Argghhh!

LMFAO.... I recognized Ry, but couldn't tell who the "child labor unit" was.
OMG, how frustrating- and funny as heck to watch! No wonder chickens sound like they're laughing when clucking.... they're just telling Henhouse TiNS!!

"Hey Red! Remember that one time, at Argghhh, when that dude with the REALLY old ballcap chased us around with a piece of siding, while that other youngun' tried to catch us? OHHHHH Man... Those were the DAYS, eh Red!??"

Kevin, It's a local band from the Renaissance Fair that I bought a CD from last year. I'll check this evening to see if they have a website listed on the CD.

Martin, for a small fee I can bring the CLU child labor unit(my nephew). You'll have to convince Ry on your own.

I admit, I tuned out the sound and I should have kept the part where Ry kept saying "you have to be smarter than the chicken". Which is probably what the problem was since it was actually a rooster. LOL

The convention should be interesting.... Amazing how the party of 'law and order' seems to have a tough time following their own party rules... so much for the 'big tent'....

But, enough snarkiness....

Barring a sudden wakeup call of respect by the GOP delegates for the principles and ideals this nation was founded upon, I expect I shall have to do a write in for this presidential cycle.

But, at least, I will feel good about my vote and know that I cast it for the candidate who best represents and respects the Constitution and the ideals we as a nation are supposed to represent.

How's about them apples? Mine are still sweet...

by Kevin on May 12, 2008 10:47 PM

Heh.

Sacthmo has a wicked change of direction, and if you tear a bunch of ligaments and a meniscus in your knee you don't have a wicked change of direction anymore. That's about as good as I get anymore at playing defense, and, yeah, it hurt like a mother later that night---hence the frozen peas. That bit next to the barn really took a bite out of the knee.

Plus, half of the exercise was to get the Padawan to grab him. Trying to corner the sucker without spooking him was a bit harder to do with a very aggressive Padawan who had no problems running around behind Satch for who knows how long. So I grabbed the siding and corralled the sucker. I was smarter than the chicken. He was just faster. I used terrain and tools. Works for me.(You cook him and eat him he tastes just the same, Kat. It's a chicken.)

ANd let's not forget that I'd been digging post holes all day before that, y'know. It wasn't like I wasn't already really tired before going after Psycho Chicken or nothing.

Lasso? I'm a city kid from CA, not Wonder Woman. (I think Were-Kitten's the one for that.)

ZoomieSib, nope, that wasn't the right hat. That's the back-up cap I keep around for working outside. The real Hat O' Flying Death(it's accurate to about 15', and repulsive to anyone but 7 year olds with Were-Kitten blood in 'em) was given the day off since the headband is shot and it falls off any time there's wind, and it was a touch windy that day. As you can tell in the vid, this one doesn't fly off.

May 9, 2008

It's Contest-In-Context Time!

11/15/2104At 14:52:28, FreedomFighter69 wrote:
Reporting my first temporal excursion since joining IATT: have just returned from 1936 Berlin, having taken the place of one of Leni Riefenstahl's cameramen and assassinated Adolf Hitler during the opening of the Olympic Games. Let a free world rejoice!

At 14:57:44, SilverFox316 wrote:
Back from 1936 Berlin; incapacitated FreedomFighter69 before he could pull his little stunt. Freedomfighter69, as you are a new member, please read IATT Bulletin 1147 regarding the killing of Hitler before your next excursion. Failure to do so may result in your expulsion per Bylaw 223.

At 18:06:59, BigChill wrote:
Take it easy on the kid, SilverFox316; everybody kills Hitler on their first trip. I did. It always gets fixed within a few minutes, what's the harm?

At 18:33:10, SilverFox316 wrote:
Easy for you to say, BigChill, since to my recollection you've never volunteered to go back and fix it. You think I've got nothing better to do?

Got the idea? Go back in time, do something cool, then yak about it. Or *un*do somebody's cool deed or farcup.

08/25/2104At 04:32:45, CageyHajii502 wrote:
Just returned from 24 Feb 2008. Filched the last two soap dishes from the PX/BX at FOB Warrior, Kirkuk (old spelling) in Iraq, thus compelling one W. Tuttle, an obscure US contractor, to procure a soap dish from Husam ("Sam") Ramaad, future CEO of the Kurdish Free State and Alpine Resort Association, who was then-proprietor of a small sundries shop. The results of the transaction were two-fold:

1. Sam sold Tuttle the last soap dish available in what was then Northern Iraq, thereby compelling al-Qaeda-in-Iraq soap dish foragers to return to Mosul empty-handed one week later. AQI members were left with no option but to leave their sole bar of soap on a nearby rock during their ablutions; nettle spines which had settled on the rock during the previous day's sandstorm adhered first to the soap and then to AQI members during subsequent ablutions, resulting in a 99% death rate from terminal rectal itch and reducing the remainder of the organization to committing random acts of jaywalking.

2. Sam used the cash (USD1) to corner the dust market in Kurdistan and, when the haute coutoure bunch declared khaki talcum powder the "absolute must-have" accessory for 2009, Sam became the wealthiest man east of the Greenwich Meridian.

At 18:47:29, Obamamaniak wrote:
I told FreedomFighter69 not to assassinate Hitler. It led to exactly the results I mentioned in my last post: 1) A civil war in Germany, that cost 25,000 lives; 2) More purges by Stalin, leading to another 300,000 deaths in the USSR; 3) Continued depression in the US, resulting in increased numbers of infant mortality and euthenasia among seniors; and 4) independence revolutions in colonial India, Indo-China, Canada and Australia; 5) the Arab genocide of Jews in the British mandate in Palestine.

Millions have died because of FreedomFighter69's grandiose and selfish attempt to prevent WW2.

by fdcol63 on May 9, 2008 6:48 AM

This is off topic, but:

If the Dem establishment and superdelegates now confirm Obama's nomination, and if Hillary's desire to run continues to take precedence (in her mind, at least, to party cohesiveness), wouldn't it be great if Hillary decided to continue her campaign as an "independent"?

by fdcol63 on May 9, 2008 7:14 AM

Nettles Abaft! Now, that's a prickly situation.

by Boquisucio on May 9, 2008 7:43 AM

Ooooh!

07/05/2114At 04:32:45, Cassandra502 wrote:
Have just returned from May 20, 2008, immediately following B.H. Obama's declaration of victory as the (then)Democrat Party's nominee in the 2008 POTUS race. Convinced Mrs. Clinton to continue her quest for the Co-Presidency as an Independent, citing the success of J. Lieberman over what's-his-face in Rhodecticut.

The resulting kerfluffery fragmented the roller$kating a$$hat wing to the point that President Cindy McCain issued Executive Order 3.14, establishing Endangered Moonbat preserves on Alaska's North Slope, next to the drilling rigs.
Unfortunately, most were crushed by glaciers during the Little Ice Age of 2014.

07/05/2114 At 18:32:45, BloodSpite007 wrote: Have just returned from June 17, 1972, whereupon I removed from functionality the carbon based unit known as Frank Wills at 14:00 in the afternoon preventing him from reporting to his job that evening.

The end result is a last minute replacement from a local truck stop is brought in to take his place, who spends his night watching Baseball instead of performing regular patrols.

May 8, 2008

Mix 'n match cultures... dangers thereof.

Bill chimed in with the observation that if you are an inveterate golfer, you need to have a care that just because *you* golf, doesn't mean everybody does - and that which looks "golf-ish" just might be something altogether different...

There's a driving range up here, according to a couple of the guys who think golf is actually a sport of some sort. They checked it out last week -- spotted chunks of red-painted rebar driven into a flat spot, figured those were the Permanent Tees, and started popping balls downrange.

Couple of Iraqi Engineer types came sauntering up and casually informed them they were teeing off on suspected UXO markers...

This PSA is brought to you as free service of Castle Argghhh!, a painful grip on the obvious for 5 years and counting...

Thanks very much for the golf story!!! I used it today at work. For some background, I'm currently Alaska Fire Service, one of the units we support is the Military Zone. This zone is responsible for the non-structure fire protection for all military (Army formally, AF by courtesy)) lands in Alaska. When I passed this story on, at first there were a few polite chuckles, followed by a quick silence, and then a stunning wall of knowing laughter!!

Just think of all the Tata autos being built in India for $2500. Or all the cars and trucks being built in China. The demand for oil will not come down any time soon.

The other big problem is that we were always blessed with cheap food compared to percentage of income for other contries. I just bought a box of Wheaties and it wasn't even a pound. I almost couldn't afford the bananas.

This could get very complicated.

by Fishmugger on May 2, 2008 4:45 PM

Just six years ago I was paying $.84 a gallon for gas in Indiana. *sigh*

I just got a motorcycle endorsement on my DL, and am gonna buy an Asian-made scooter next week.

I may still have to pay a LOT for a gallon of gas like everyone else, but I'm not gonna buy any more than I have to! LOL

It's the start of my own small protest against Detroit, the UAW, Big Oil, OPEC, and the Feds. Ha!

by fdcol63 on May 2, 2008 8:14 PM

Now, if only a tank of gas would last as long as a printer cartridge or bottle of shampoo! -- Especially when a unit (tank) of gas costs upwards of of $50 compared to a $25 printer cartridge or $8 for a bottle of shampoo.

by Shawn on May 2, 2008 9:10 PM

It cost me $1.296 CDN/ litre for regular 87 octane today, that works out to $4.905 per U.S. gallon. That was a drop from $1.334/l ($5.05/G)on Thursday.
Pat

by Pat on May 2, 2008 10:57 PM

In The Netherlands a gallon wil cost you 9,83 dollar! That is why we use euros and liters for measurement, because it will only cost 1,56 euro a liter! Feels a lot better.

by eric on May 3, 2008 3:57 AM

Buying gas in Austria the other day, the Hubster reached for the lower octance pump automatically, as we are accustomed to it being cheaper than the higher octanes. The attendant pointed out (with a little language juggling, since we don't speak German), that the price for the available selections of unleaded were all the same price, so why not use the higher octane?!

I saw essentially this same story back in the eighties. IIRC the final item was red ink - at twice the cost of black ink.

by Glenmore on May 3, 2008 3:13 PM

I am paying $US5.24 per Gallon in Australia. I see here US paying just below $4.00/Gal, Canada $4.91/Gal and the Netherlands $9.83/Gal

It would be interesting to see it compared with incomes and the amount of driving needed. Here the amount needed is high for the locations like shops, schools, work are far apart and poorly connected by public transport.

I hope very much we start using less so it does last more like bottles of shampoo. Public transport, better car efficiency etc. We also need to examine these fuel substitutes and non petrol cars as well as how to get the most out of the oil the earth has to offer.

I suspect many in the world cannot even touch the idea of consuming petrol.

Aside from the fact that it's funny (and probably is even to many Democrats) the alignments, laid out like that, are... interesting.

Not that war hero, large glands and beer are qualifiers - but that the contrast, I'm thinking, does serve to show a possible source of the Dem's candidates troubles in connecting to significant chunks of the electorate which would otherwise seem an easy-to-connect constituency.

No you don't. Reprimanded is when John writes in all caps with each word seperated by a period(or he comes down with THe Big Boot, or unfurls the Hairy Eyeball). Otherwise it's just tut-tutting, Maggie.
(Works kink out of back from last application of said Boot.)

April 14, 2008

My Sibs Are As Odd As I Am

And as proof, I offer this from My-Sister-the-Forest-Ranger, who dwells in -- ahem -- Tucson.

DOG DIARY

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

CAT DIARY

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless torso at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.

B*st*rds!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

That's my cats. I think they have tried to kill me at least five times this week. When I go into the kitchen, they walk with me, sit by their bowls, even if the bowls have food in them, and stare at me while I get a drink or whatever out of the fridge.

Everyday, I have to fight them for the door. I am convinced the only reason they come back when they do get out is because the neighbors have dogs all around us and they are too afraid to leave the yard.

I am also certain that they put the rug in the backroom in their litter box and poop on it for the same reasons.

Cats are evil.

by kat-missouri on April 14, 2008 12:21 PM

Heh. Are not. Yeah, they do barf a lot, but other than that, and constantly trying to smother me by sitting on my chest, they're a pretty lovable group...

I nearly forgot how one of the little hair balls barfed on my bed the other night. Just as I was dozing off to sleep, I heard this horrendous wretching sound and the cat stood up at the end of the bed. I couldn't find it with my feet to push it off before the inevitable, so there I was, trying to search for the light, not put my foot in cat barf, change the sheets (only to discover the cat had barfed on the floor as well) and go back to bed to get the usual six hours sleep.

At which point, trying to make it up to me, the cat walked up the bed, walked across my chest, stuck its tail in my face before curling up on the other side.

Then again, I don't think that was "making it up to me" so much as giving me an Obamaesque "thanks for doing your job, lowly human".

by kat-missouri on April 14, 2008 1:12 PM

LOL- I'll remember that, John.

Kat-
Are you sure your cat and my cats haven't been talking? If the litter box isn't clean enough, mine go in, turn around, stick their butts out of the box, and then do their business! And THEN... they cover it up with the bathroom rug.

Claire is also insanely jealous of my keyboard for some reason. I guess she figures that if my fingers are doing some walking, they should be walking down her back and chin instead of the keyboard.

by AFSister on April 14, 2008 2:00 PM

Little Orphan Annie has a neatness fetish. When she discovers one of her tribe has made a boo-boo, whether barf or out the other end, she searches until she finds a sock and then takes it and places it over the offending pile...

I would own a dog. Dogs go hunting with you and fishing with you, and catch frisbees and balls. Cats seems to just sort of lay around and leer at you. I mean, seriously... what's a cat supposed to do on it's day off? It can't lay around the house, 'cause that's it's job... :)

by AW1 Tim on April 14, 2008 5:12 PM

...she searches until she finds a sock and then takes it and places it over the offending pile...

"The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe... for now."

Breaking news! New Acquisition for the Arsenal of Argghhh!!!

Eschewing contact with shady arms dealers in the Miami area (based on Boquisucio's advice) I worked with reputable Merchants of Death in the DC area... and the Armorer of Argghhh! can definitively support Senator Hillary Clinton's "dodged sniper fire in Bosnia" story!

We have acquired the *actual* rifle used in that event! The Senator is un-equivocally telling the truth.

the DG is faced with a quandary. How to comport himself during Polite Social IntercourOOOPS Conversation with his Feminine Potential Dining Companion.

They didn't cover *that* at CRC.

To correct that unfortunate, but forgiveable, oversight, The Castle has instituted still *another* One-Off, Never Go There Again chapter in its miniseries of Public Service Symposia.

Lesson One: Mastering Polite Table Talk

First, the DG should be aware of the length of time his Dining Companion has In-Country, which will enable him to expand upon their mutual experience. Fortunately, the Gentler Sex communicates this information through body language, and the astute DG should key on these subtle signs.

Been Here One Week: Observes DG in peripheral vision, recoils.

Been Here Two Weeks: Makes inadvertent eye contact with DG, recoils.

Been Here Three Weeks: Makes inadvertent eye contact with DG, shrugs.

Been Here Four Weeks: Makes inadvertent eye contact with DG, smiles.

Been Here Five Weeks: Makes deliberate eye contact with DG, smiles.

Been Here Six Weeks: Asks DG to get her a cup of coffee when DG gets up to refill his.

Been Here Seven Weeks: Mentions that the PX has just received a new shipment of stationery.

Been Here Eight Weeks: Mentions that the PX has just received a new shipment of military accoutrements.

Been Here Nine Weeks: Mentions that the PX has just received a new shipment of combat cutlery, but it consists of "the same crappy Chinese KaBar knockoffs" as usual.

Having been there, done that a couple of times, I think Bill's dead on the money here. I have to admit, though, that I've far less practical experience in these matters than he, mostly because the love of my life is a red-haired Irishwoman with a short temper who is a somewhat better pistol shot than I am...

by Blake Kirk on April 11, 2008 8:17 AM

and here I thought I was the only redheaded short tempered irish woman to lurk around here .pot

Dinner tonight, sitting across from a female contractor...the standard-issue plastic knife snapped at the first attempt to cut the standard-issue roast beef...expletive muttered under my breath as I pulled out the Gerber Guardian and surgically sliced my roast beef...aforementioned contractor sighs and nearly swoons...and promptly snaps out a 7" switchblade and attacks her roast beef...how cool is that?

by SFC D on April 11, 2008 12:26 PM

Now I know why oldloder gave me my very own swiss army knife for xmas ............

by pot on April 11, 2008 12:44 PM

When do you get to sing her the latest thong?

by rikkochet on April 11, 2008 1:44 PM

Well, If I were sitting across the dining table in that room, across from a gal wearing "spray-on cargo pants" and the subject came up, and I was feeling courageous, I might say something like "You're not serious!"

I like this quote from Paulie, talking about Adrian .... if we substitute Hillary:

Forget her...You could do better than her...She's a friggin' loser...Sometimes she gets me so crazy, I could split her head with a razor... [Hillary] ain't sharp. [Hillary] is a loser...She's pushin' thirty-friggin' years old [ok, Hillary's past 60!] and if she don't watch out, she's gonna end up dyin' alone...The girl's dryin' up...If she don't start livin', her body's gonna dry up.

I can nitpick this all to hell and back, but the one thing that's driving me nuts is the shirt.

I just looked at my class a shirt and the princess seam (the one that runs vertically across the center of each breast) goes all the way up to my shoulder and there is NO side dart on the side of the breast.

Oh, and her earrings are unauthorized in appearance, to say NOTHING of size.

AR- 670-1 Para 29-16
"Female personnel. On the service or dress uniform coats and on the maternity tunic, marksmanship badges are worn on the left side, 1⁄4 inch below the bottom ribbon row, or in a similar location if ribbons are not worn. Personnel
may adjust the placement of badges to conform to individual body-shape differences."

Clearly, Jessica Simpson has a 'body-shape' difference. ;)

I'll agree with the earing not being spherical, but considering no one else in that pic is wearing the basic graduation ribbon, let alone the other 2 "authorized" (Even though I fondly remember getting out of boot with just one ribbon myself a score and some years ago) it's a leap in logic that this pic actually shows them mid or post-graduation.

Not one rank in sight either.

As for summary executions, the asshat that forced the beret on the entire Army to begin with needs to line up first.

by OlafTheTanker on March 15, 2008 10:46 AM

And oh yea, and this could be the scene in the movie where the DI tells them all to go get their Class B's on for the first time and a snap inspection and "You're all ate up, soldier!" profanity-riddled "morale-boosting" criticism session.

Now THAT would be more real-to-life. ;)

by OlafTheTanker on March 15, 2008 10:53 AM

Yeah ... what jim said. LOL

by fdcol63 on March 15, 2008 12:31 PM

Huh...

Army, eh? I thought they were UN Cops or something, what with that UN-looking device on the beret.

Were it up to me, I'd take away all the A & B uniforms from everyone and have them wear field uniforms all the time. :)

by AW1 Tim on March 15, 2008 2:12 PM

Class B uniforms are worn for BCT graduation during warm weather months (roughly late April through September). You're welcome to try standing out on the Ft Benning parade field in Class A's in August if you want to.

And yes, Ms Simpson definitely has 'body shape differences.' If she was actually wearing ribbons, they'd have to be WAY up there in order to make room for the qual badges.

And everyone in that formation has jacked up berets, not just Simpson. The female immediately behind her (wearing glasses that wouldn't be allowed in BCT, either, BTW) has got the Pierre thing going on, and the next on back looks about 2 sizes too big and just dropped on her head.

And, though I've never actually seen an entire graduating company composed of nothing but E-1s, such a thing is possible, which would explain the lack of visible rank.

Visual proof that the beret for all troops (regardless of the branch of service) is stoopid.

I spent 8 years in the Pentagon and had the joy of watching a couple of "uniform boards" at work. In my not-at-all humble opinion, it is all about the manufacturers finding ways to get new money for uniforms from the services. If the service didn't go along with the recommendaiton of the civilian-dominated uniform review board, some senior senator squawked.

Shocked? Why? If the weasels can find a way to siphon off taxpayer bucks (and pass a few pennies of each buck to Senators and Representatives) they will. And so, the USAF changes shades of blue like K-Mart at Christmas (and winds up looking like the frigging Navy) and the Army gets (shudder) Black Berets all around and looks like the Serbian military police.

Booby Add? (I took the liberty of correcting the extra caps for ya.) Is that a new breast enhancement drug?
*snicker*
0>;~}

by Sly2017 on March 16, 2008 11:30 AM

Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD)

Thanks for the correction though it wasn't necessary.

by Carrie on March 16, 2008 12:45 PM

If we could just PEEK into Pvt. Jeter's thoughts, wouldn't that be a hoot!

by Boquisucio on March 16, 2008 4:26 PM

John, times have changed! Sir, that is what you call, an OUTSTANDING soldier. They are surely standing out!

I might be old, but I'm not dead yet!

Grumpy

P.S. - John, The best thing you could have done. Laughter is still the best medicine.

by Grumpy on March 16, 2008 5:45 PM

What with having mixed-sex units, I think there is something to be said for loosely-fitting uniforms, for the sake of freedom of movement, or something. No, wait, that sounds titillating to my dirty mind, too...

Ok, let's just get 'em to wear the silly hats right, and we'll work on the rest later.

As a former bandsman, I recommend shakos. You can keep all kindsa stuff up in one of them.

Besides, all of the mechanical killbots in "Girl Genius" wear shakos. Makes you look taller, and all.

As somebody who gets laid maybe once/decade if he's lucky, I prolly shouldn't get into this, but, hey, it's the Internet, it's late at night, and I've been drinking...

Dang, Jim! Context! The boy is married! The wife is a proven good shot! He _has_ to say that!

That said, I'm older than The Donovan by a bit, and I, too, find that images of good-lookin' wimmin are more likely to make me think "Wow, that's nice!" than they are to make me think "OMG, gotta have it right now!" as used to be the case.

I'm not sure if it's the light or if the two top buttons are a different color than the bottom two.
That said, Who cares?,,,It's a movie for gosh sakes. Hollywood is supposed to get it wrong, don't they get nearly everything else wrong?
Look at the Girls Of The IDF. Their uniforms don't exactly match everytime. I ain't stupid enough to pick a fight with any of them.
For those that have forgotten, back when Jessica was still married, she and hubby went overseas and entertained the troops.
There are no rumors of her doing drugs or going into rehab. There are no videos of her having sex with some hollywood birdbrain.
Her singing abilities are not all that great, but WHO CARES? She looks great and when she was touring she went to the hospitals to be with the wounded and gave them some extra attention and TLC. As I remember she sat on the bed with some and gave a few hugs.
When in public she seems to have some dignity and I have never seen her dressing like some of the real idiots like B. Spears or Paris Hilton. For the most part her publicity has been good. She is smart enough to be a multi-millionaire and that's more than most of the rest of us can say. And she is a whole lot smarter that most of the old New York women that retired to Florida and couldn't work a simple voting machine. AND she doesn't act like a spoiled brat.
Jessica does a commercial for an acne skin treatment with some of the women actors on CSI Miami. I thought she did a very good professional job,,,just like the other professionals did. Emily Proctor is a south eastern born & raised girl that used to go hunting with her dad and she and Jessica both did a good job on the commercial.
Jessica Simpson seems willing to work and not cause any trouble and with her tour for the troops that is enough for me to give her an OK an a good luck. (that is unless she does something really stupid) She has some personality and probably would be a fun girl to be out on a date with.

by AgPilot66 on March 17, 2008 5:01 AM

Quibble all you want about the details, but the thing that bugs me most about this movie is that it stars Simpson. Isn't her fifteen up yet?

they are really all the same color. some are in the shade, others are at an optimal angle for reflecting the lights... optimal. and shady...

by MajMike on March 17, 2008 8:51 AM

Isn't her fifteen up yet?

The honest truth is that her fifteen won't be up until her rack sags down. And then she'll likely wonder why nobody's paying attention any more.

I'm as prone to gawk as any male with functioning parts, but I've been around long enough to separate looks from substance, which is why I'm with John and Carrie on this one: "I just don't think the ability to grow large mammary glands is worthy of much admiration"..."I like my wimmin with some brains..."

Just as my wife of more than twelve years will watch the beach volleyball scene from Top Gun with you as many times as you're willing to press rewind, but would cringe if ever asked to shake Tom Cruise's hand.

Okay, I thought I was told in 2003 when I got yanked out of the IRR and shoved back into the active green machine that the beret was issued at a Soldier's first permanent party station - or at AIT graduation, perhaps.

Wouldn't Basic Trainee's be wearing a Garrison Cap (which, in the female version, would be worthy of even more commentary)?

March 14, 2008

British Speed Trap

Heh. It's not new, but it's still funny...

Two British traffic patrol officers from North Berwick were involved in an unusual incident while checking for speeding motorists on the A-1 Great North Road. One of the officers used a hand-held radar device to check the speed of a vehicle approaching over the crest of a hill, and was
surprised when the speed was recorded at over 300 mph. Their radar suddenly stopped working and the officers were not able to reset it.

Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar had in fact latched on to a NATO Tornado fighter jet, which was engaged in a low-flying exercise over the Border district, approaching from the North Sea.

Back at police headquarters, the chief constable fired off a stiff complaint to the RAF Liaison office. Back came the reply in true laconic RAF style:

"Thank you for your message, which allows us to complete the file on this incident. You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Tornado had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked onto, your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it.

"Fortunately, the pilot flying the Tornado recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile systems alert status, and was able to override the automated
defense system before the missile was launched and your hostile radar installation was destroyed. Good Day..."

I would have loved to see this in person.
back in '73 my dad did a low level on a Montana Highway Patrolman runnning radar west of Havre on US 2. He was in a Cessna 172 Skyhawk. The Trooper was a family friend. He said his radar showed 135.

I hate to be a myth buster, but none of the speed-measurement radars I've ever used (I'm a cop in civilian life) go that high. Once a certain speed is reached (it depends on the make of radar), the display just goes blank.

by K Newman on March 14, 2008 4:19 PM

K Newman.. keep in mind, these limeys were most likely reading the speed in KPH..

300kph = ~186mph Even the real "Mythbusters" recorded speeds over that with radar on their shows IIRC.

;)

by OlafTheTanker on March 14, 2008 5:09 PM

Heh. I don't really believe the story. I just think it's funny and gave me an intro for the video...

I didn't have one made by Mattel, but in basic training I had an M16A1 stamped "General Motors, Hydramatic Division"...

by SFC D on March 5, 2008 8:30 AM

I had one in basic stamped Harrington and Richardson. I thought, "Cool. I have a really fine rifle here." Not.

by Fred on March 5, 2008 9:04 AM

I was, at various times and places, issued a Colt, a Hydramatic, and a H&R.

Then I started getting pistols (or my fave, my M3A1...). Because I had some knowledge of .45's, I indulged myself and at various times had a Union Switch and Signal and a Singer. Mostly, I carried a Remington-Rand.

The AR-15 I was issued was built by Acoustic Research and came with a jack for my Walkman and a cup holder so you wouldn't spill your drink while on the range. We had to qualify at 1000 inches and in those days I could chuck a rock farther and cause more damage. We figured the Air Force bought it through Boys Life.

I swear, you allistic people will cause the collapse of Western Civilization, and are probably provably already doing so. "American Idol", "People Magazine", "youtube", and MSM generally, well, I just cringe from all of that.

Effin' monkeys!

I think I might have another 20 years left, if I take care of myself. I'd rather give up all of my (admittedly slight) chances of getting laid, in any way, for the rest of my life, in exchange for having responsible Constitutional government restored to us.

March 2, 2008

Point/Counter point, Castle Argghhh! style.

It’s been a while since I’ve had time to do much of anything online (with the taking care of my friend’s widow and all her legal issues, babysitting, and then getting really, really, sick), but I’ve been wanting to act as counter point to Kat for a while. She’s gone on a rampage with content. Some of it deserves very lengthy, serious, and thought out responses. Some of it doesn’t.

So let me kick off this counter-point to her in classic SNL style:
(more below the fold)

[Deleted. 15 yards and loss of down for completely un-needed inflammatory usage. -the Armorer]. Like I’m not going to be filleted for that, but that’s par for the course around here. Oooh, John may even break out the Castle Trebuchet from the inner bailey to placate the Castle Kittine Corps for that one. [No, I'll just use the Power of Big Edit and delete it, and spank you in the comments -the Armorer]

Obama this, and Obama that. Anyone remember Reagan? How creepy he was to the people on the left? Oooooh, he’s just a like a Hitler with the charisma and devoutness of the political following he developed (in a really bad mock Korean accent). His military build up was very expensive, broke the country from a liberal minded perspective, and was absolutely not what the liberals wanted(much like how we non-liberals/progressives/whatever they want to be called because they want to avoid the taint they rightly earned think that socialized medicine in the form of gov't funded healthcare will break the country's bank or is otherwise outright wrong) The cult-esque following Reagan still enjoys could be scary, if you didn’t understand it or the man. Viva la Reagan Revolution, anyone?

Or the Kennedy Clan, which to this day, 40+ years after the fact, has people talking about them being ‘American Royalty’ and so deeply invested in there being conspiracies to kill them off (why’d they miss The Swimmer? Cruel, cruel conspirators.). Come on. They detailed a destroyer to search for a missing pilot for a whole week because he was ‘John-John’ and a Kennedy? That was a whole lot more disturbing to me than the popularity and religious zealot like fervor of Obama and Obama-mania (which, funny enough, was a lot like the Naderite zealots at UCD during the ’00 elections----maybe not as big, but just as silly and predicated on perceptions than substance.). We’re the US. We don’t have, and never should, anything resembling royalty. That we do have people following the doings of the Kennedy's or the neo-royalty(celebrities) is far worse than Obama-mania. Hell, Fernando Mania (when Fernando Valenzuela was a rookie throwin' nasty screwballs for the Dodgers) was worse than Obama-mania (he's a Dodger and anything having anything to do with the Dodgers must be evil, by definition.)

That’s not to say I like Obama. I don’t. I don’t go in for the meat and potatoes of the man’s platform. Yes, he’s running predominately on promises of hope and change and won’t it be great to have all the stuff the Europeans have in terms of social welfare type stump speeches. So? This is new? This is new even for democrats? Like he can deliver? Anyone remember how 'Hillary-care' and the bulk of the Clinton agenda got stalled?

Sorry. I just don’t get the willies over Obama. Is he worse than Billary? No. There are differences in what they both promise but ultimately I think their policies are bad for our nation, what with the implied ‘you’re not making the right choices so we’ll just take over wherever you’re doing that, m’kay?’ imo. I don’t like that and find it a horrible direction for our country to take, but to get the willies over Obama and Obama-mania? Oh, come on. Spare me the over the top rhetoric and quit channeling the long departed ability to write said rhetoric of Maureen Dowd (I bet you she'd trade her dates with Mike Douglas for her writing chops back, Kat).

Ultimately, he’s just a guy. If elected he’ll be a president we as a nation will survive. We lived thru 8 years of Slick Walrus. We can do 8 more. Whatever Obama messes up, while exceptionally difficult to undo, we’ll find a way to fix. We’ve done that with bad presidents before. Nixon with his price controls, Carter in almost total, and the way the tax rates change with the presidents come to mind as ways we as a nation are pretty resilient in how we come back from idiocy of one president or another. Obama, if elected, will be just another number in a long stream of silly presidents with bad ideas. This too shall pass.

But there’s one good thing I’m seeing in the Obama candidacy. People don’t care about the man’s race. He’s gotten the Kennedy/Beetles thing going and nobody cares. You see on CNN after every primary that the white vote is almost evenly split if not going heavy for Obama. White racism is dead in America is what that tells me, contra John Stewart and his Daily Show funny-boys. That’s a good thing to know. If Obama wins, shudder at the thought, it’ll be because he snake oiled enough people into believing his bread and circuses routine and have nothing to do with race. Largely, that’s a good thing. Worth even living thru a 4 year term of the man to have the country realize that we have come that far if you ask me, so long as it heavily discredits race hustlers like Sharpton and Jackson.

Do I at least get to wear my hockey helmet when launched from the Castle Trebuchet, Castle Kitten Corps? With the digs John’s got now there’s actually room to fire me for transgressions instead of using BCR’s orbiting death satellites (which is what the USN test of the Standard missile system was really all about. It wasn’t a spy sat that was coming down. I’d engineered a fault in one of BCR’s sats and gave Mankind a chance to get rid of the sucker. I’ll take my payment in non-stale Cheetos all you guys out there, thanks.)

We now return you to an upright position and your regularly scheduled day of serious stuff here at Castle Argghhhh!
--ry

(when Fernando Valenzuela was a rookie throwin' nasty screwballs for the Dodgers) was worse than Obama-mania (he's a Dodger and anything having anything to do with the Dodgers must be evil, by definition.)

First, Valenzuela isn't running for president. Second, though I did bang on him considerably, I did take apart one of his policies and plan to do more. Third, there is no guarantee we survive anyone's presidency if their policies are bad enough to put us in a weakened position economically, politically or militarily. Which leads me to number four and the fact is, as long as he is running for president on those ideas and using empty tent revivalists speeches to "snake oil" voters, I feel his oration style is open to serious discussion.

Number five, Reagan didn't just speak about hope, change and the future. He talked about making America strong again exactly after having suffered really horrendous presidencies in the previous decade. Sixth, frankly, I was ten when Reagan ran for the presidency. My family were staunch democrats who didn't vote for him, so I can't attest to any Reagan mania, even among other voters. But, a discussion that Ry and I have had on another subject comes to mind. That being that the myth of our history is sometimes so powerful, people can't accept our history without it and, even the best intentioned fall prey to it. I believe that is what has happened with Reagan's supposed empty demagoguery that allegedly captured America's mind.

I think I have a very poor view of folks comparing Obama's "all we are saying, is give peace a chance and let's tax the "rich", give everyone a free education and generally bankrupt the state for socialism" to Reagan's "peace through strength, the empowered individual, small government" approach. Optimistic? Yes, but it isn't simply Obama's "optimism" that offends me. It's his jolliness while he proposes spending us into tax oblivion and cozying up to terror supporting, mass murdering tyrants, reversing hard fought, paid for in blood freedoms for many people.

Frankly, when I opened this, i was expecting a counterpoint on the building of the wall, which I've been waiting for before going on with the defensive failures and political costs of "castle under siege mentality". Instead, you're taking me to task for lambasting the ObamaNation?

I'm laughing a little bit actually.

However, I would agree with you on one point, that we aren't interested in his race though I believe that you're point about his winning will finally clear up the question of racism in America is a factor in many people's voting decisions, not what's best for the United States as a whole. As I noted to one of my Democrat friends (yes, I have some of those, shocking isn't it?), if I was still a dyed in the wool Democrat, I probably would be voting for him on the basis of my interpretation of race relations in the United States.

Fortunately, I've broken free of the ideas that "feel good" politics is necessarily good for the United States.

To sum it up Ry, as long as Obama is in contention for the presidency and I disagree with him severely on his policies, I'm going to continue to take him apart. Whether it is about his policies or his style because, for all the idea that we "might" survive his presidency, I'm not ready to hand it to him on a silver platter. Particularly this early in the game.

Well, Kat, some of what you've done about Obama is hysterical. You've done some substantive work, but much of it is 'look at the sillies', while mixing in some very fear mongery for good measure(these people are fanatics! Fanatics are scary!). Like I said, I don't much like Obama. But I find his campaign, and his partisans, harmless. His presidency will, imo, be bad for the country but we overcome bad policies over time. It won't be the worst thing in the world if he's pres. That would be a Kuccinich presidency.

Obama is snake oiling. Fine, name me someone who hasn't in the last 40 years? Reagan was going to give us a 700 ship Navy and all kinds of other things, on a balanced budget. Where's that balanced budget(ask Tip O'Neill where that budget was, since Reagan wanted to scale back social welfare spending that the Dems were never going to allow to happen, and anyone who didn't just fall off the rutabaga truck knew it.) As for not knowing about Reagan, Kat, I was five in 1979 and come from a rather apolitical family. So? It still isn't hard to go back and look at what happened. It isn't hard to go back and look at what snake oil presidents peddled to get elected. 'No new taxes', even though most economists knew Bush 41 had to raise taxes to placate the worries of big money on the other side of the Pond. 'A peace economy, public healthcare, and a middle class tax cut!'. Ol' Billy boy delivered on none of them. 'I'm a uniter not a divider'---and how are you, brother! Nixon campaigned on being the guy to get the US out of Vietnam, and instead delivered Linebacker, Linebacker 2 in the early years of his presidency. Everyone sells snake oil. It's what pols do. Is Obama any worse than anyone else? No.

Take his claims apart, but don't call him dangerous simply because he's all four Beetles rolled into one. Go after the real meat of the issues. Don't do the Dean scream kinda thing, making much ado about nothing(which Obama-mania is, much ado about a whole lot of nothing).

And, come on, it was meant rather humorously. SNL references? The tag of 'I think it's funny'? Jonah GOldberg I'm not, but it wasn't meant as a bare knuckles take down.

Years ago when I was still a green suiter, I was my Cav Squadron's MG. I would have to run into the three's office 4-5 times a day to brief him on the same stuff I just sent him e-mail updates on. He wouls read my e-mail while I briefed him and undoubtly miss something. So he would stop me and ask me questions about what I just explained to him. For example I would brief him on the convoy planned maintenace stop on our way to the range and wich 1SGT had LOGPAC and he would stop me and ask, so we are roadmarching there? Did you plan for a maintenance stop? Anyway, I would loose my place and end up frustrated and furious. This went on for months until I broght a tape recorder to his office. One of those big obnoxious tape recorders the size of a shoe box we used to record the fire net. Ayway, when he asked why I was recording the briefing, I responded, "Sir, it is so you can rewind it at your leisure until you understand what Im briefing."
Not a good call. Good thing the old man liked me, otherwise..... The good thing is that the F*&(ing repeated briefings stoped.

by Rey on February 14, 2008 8:53 PM

as Dave Berry allegedly said:

"Meetings are a highly addictive self indulgent form of behavior all large organizations engage in, simply because they cannot masturbate."

dark nights at my first NG unit were fun because people would bring booze. the honesty was fun, and the end results could be interesting come drill weekend. %-)

by redc1c4 on February 15, 2008 12:18 AM

Classic and priceless. Being a Training PO in a squadron I can completely relate. The amount of gold on the uniform was inversely proportional to the collective intelligence and common sense factor of that individual.

And I love that Dave Berry quote.

by CharlieAlphaGulf5 on February 15, 2008 6:54 AM

captured it perfectly.

(and i have been in each of the roles involved0

by MajMike on February 15, 2008 8:25 AM

BUBs and staff meetings can quickly deteriorate in a "flailex." One of my unforgetable briefing experiences came as a mech battalion S4 prepping for an NTC rotation. A tradition for units rotating through Ft Irwin was to paint the unit crest on a big rock on the road leading to main post. The CDR and the XO directed me to rail load our own rock from Ft Carson to the NTC. The S3 and I assumed they were joking and started laughing - they were serious and the laughter was not well received.

Apparently I was an incompetent S4, we "forgot" to load the rock on the train.

by ReaganEraGrunt on February 15, 2008 11:34 PM

I work at a casino. We had a meeting today. It was very similar to this one. It's bad form to pull the lightsaber out on your boss who also happens to be a tribal member. :-(

by hurricane on February 16, 2008 5:25 AM

Oh man, I can relate. Here in the "real" world crap like this is rampant. Is it information overload or is it just plain stupid managers????

February 13, 2008

"High Flight" Updated

Well, as John has noted previously, the Castle's fairly well established in Google as a source for Aviation Poetry by People More Famous Than We Are.
Heh.
This will either cement us at Number One or dump us into the "Yeah, we found it, but didn't list it because you don't really wanna go there" category.

1. It is the responsibility of the Pilot in Command (PC) to insure that all surly bonds have been slipped and properly stowed IAW Chapter 8 of the appropriate aircraft Operator’s Manual (Dash 10). See also FM 1-202 chapter on “Dynamic Rollover Characteristics of Rotary-Wing Aircraft.”
2. Sky-dancing will not exceed one ball-width of trim with MILES/AGES installed. PC will insure that other limitations listed in Chapter 5 of the appropriate aircraft Dash 10 are not exceeded during this maneuver.
3. Laughter-silvering of aircraft components must comply with paint schemes illustrated in TM 55-1500-345-23.
4. Not to exceed 30 degrees of pitch or maximum continuous transmission limitation.
5. Only mission-essential personnel are authorized on flights to join tumbling mirth per AR 95-1.
6. It is the PC’s responsibility to insure proper sun-split cloud clearance IAW AR 95-1 when operating under VFR.
7. All hundred things must be listed on the mission brief sheet (DA Form 5484-R) and signed by a designated mission briefer.
8. Undreamed-of things must be entered in the mission briefer’s block of the risk-assessment matrix and assigned an appropriate numerical value.
9. Simultaneous iterations of wheeling and soaring and swinging will not be attempted except as a demonstration maneuver by an IP/SP. See also caveat at 2 and 5.
10. Sunlit silence will invariably be followed by sunlit RPM audio alarm and warning light illumination, simultaneous decay of sunlit N1, N2, NR and TGT/EGT/TOT, and a 3000 foot-per-minute rate of uncontrolled sunlit descent.
11. Not applicable in the event of sunlit silence: however, hov’ring there in sunlit noise and sunlit vibration may be attempted if Performance Planning Card data indicates that OGE hov’r pow’r is available and aircraft controlability is not in question.
12. See FM 1-107, Chapter 6 “Air Combat Maneuvers.”
13. Forecast shouting winds at flight level will be annotated in block 15 of DD Form 175-1. Encounters of unforecast severe or extreme shouting winds require a PIREP. See Flight Information Handbook (FIH), Section C for format.
14. Flinging of hesitant craft will only be attempted if PPC data indicates 10% safe-pedal margin exists for ambient conditions at the planned time of fling and will continue to exist for the duration of the iteration.
15. Footless halls will be recorded in meters. See FIH, Section D for conversion tables.
16. See “Requirements for Supplementary Oxygen” in AR 95-1.
17. Long, delirious episodes will be reported to the Flight Surgeon UP AR 40-8.
18. Burning blue has been associated with aircraft fuel cell delamination and requires an entry on DA Form 2408-13-1 upon termination of flight.
19. Windswept heights will not be topped at NOE altitudes unless the crew has been Mountain-Flying qualified and briefed for the maneuver.
20 TM 55-1500-345-23 does not provide for the painting of personal or “pet” names on Army aircraft.
21. The PC is responsible to insure that the flight route does not overfly or encroach upon Wildlife Refuge/Wildlife Sanctuary areas at less than the Minimum Overflight Altitude indicated on the Sectional Aeronautical Charts.
22. The crew must carefully monitor silent lifting minds at high altitude to avoid encountering retreating brain stall at airspeeds approaching VNE.
23. Requires filing of DVFR flight plan through FSS to NASA in order to trespass the sanctity of space.
24. Crew and passengers are required to keep personal appendages inside the aircraft whenever indicated airspeed exceeds 40 knots to preclude injury to personnel or damage to the airframe.
25. When maneuvering to touch the face of God, crew must exercise extreme caution to preclude inadvertent contact between Him and the main rotor blades.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the priority. I am psychic.

No, no, no, no, no. It is EVERY JOB is P-1.....

I actually had a manager (when I was working field service) that did this. I mean EVERY JOB was "PRIORITY ONE". A fellow technician gave me some advice. He said "Ignore him. He won't remember what he asked for anyway, don't waste your effort." That worked until the manager went to a Time Systems (now Franklin Covey) time management course and started actually following up. I finally told him after a flurry of those "P-1" jobs hit my desk, when all jobs have the same priority, I get to pick and choose which ones to work on and complete. To say the least we had a tempestuous relationship as manager/peon. Heh.

Oh, did I mention that the manager had been an ET on a sewer pipe? Not that I have anything against sewer pipe sailors. In fact, the guy that hired me fresh out of the navy was one. We spent most of the interview on submarines and targets (I was a carrier sailor AT/AIMD on the America now resting 6000ft down in the Atlantic. So he was right. It WAS a target!)

by JoeC on February 13, 2008 8:57 AM

If you are only now learning to actually use English, be sure to tell me frequently how badly I speak or understand my native language. Your inability to pronounce several critical consonants is not at all an impediment to understanding.

When you assign me work items which will require special tools, do not trouble yourself to see that I have such. Nor should you worry about telling me where to go or to whom to apply for such. I know how to fill out an expense report for full retail.

On those occasions when you do actually want me to talk with someone else, couch your desires in the form "send an email to India" or "call Cleveland". I can easily construct a list of everyone in the targeted geographic area from the online employee directory.

Please do not fly into a jealous rage when you find me talking with the co-worker in the next cube. There is always a chance that he knows if the lights are expected back on. I may yet learn to carry extra flashlight batteries in my briefcase.

If you decide to discuss the next phase of our project with me, be sure to use every nickname that the project/phase has acquired. This will improve my understanding of what the hell is going on. Especially when many of the nicknames for the next phase were applied to earlier phases of the same, similar, or completely different and unrelated projects.

by homebru on February 13, 2008 9:11 AM

Homebru - hmmmm, that doesn't sound like a story you heard... more like a nightmare you lived!

February 11, 2008

Fifty Years of Math

My globe-toodling has at least given me an appreciation for the fact that fast food in an airport (and there isn't any other kind) is an order of magnitude higher than the price of fast food anywhere else. And I noticed something else about fast food -- or it's purveyors, anyway.

Last week I purchased a burger at the local Chew-'n'-Choke for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 while I dug a bit for some coinage, then pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried.

My purpose inrelating this vignette?

Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s. Of course, none of the Denizennes will be able to relate to the *earlier* years, say, those prior to 1997...

*cherubic smile* *batting eyelashes*

1. Teaching Math In 1950s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

2. Teaching Math In 1960s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

3. Teaching Math In 1970s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

4. Teaching Math In 1980s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Math In 1990s

A logger cuts down a beautiful old-growth hardwood forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes?
Remember, there are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it's okay.

Dam right you're exaggerating, Chief! When did a logger ever make *that* kinda profit?!

by Neffi on February 11, 2008 10:44 AM

I bet this is the way it is with some school systems. I do not know if they are all like this but the math skills do seem to be lacking. I have seen most movie theaters make certain everything is charged to the nearest Quarter. Tax is included in the item cost. It could very well be that is done to solve the issue you had at the Restraunt.

by David Anfinrud on February 11, 2008 10:46 AM

Oh great! Now the NEA is neither teaching proper Arithmetic nor Spanish. That poor attempt of Castilian is atrocious.

by Boquisucio on February 11, 2008 11:39 AM

Related trivia: Waffle House still uses the old fashioned cash registers that don't figure the change. They use being able to make change the old fashioned way as an aptitude test for employment. Which could indicate that a workforce that is predominantly red-neck has superior math skills to the rest of the service industry employees.

by Oldloadr on February 11, 2008 1:14 PM

I've had loads of fun showing other students at my flight school that you really can do an accurate weight and balance using the E-6B (flight computer) as a slide rule... Hee, hee...

Sad to relate, but for a couple months my wife worked at a local McDonalds in between jobs. She does pretty well with math, but she was shocked her first day there. Rather than put numbers on the cash registers, they have symbols of the various products, and the teller just punches the buttons relating to what you order. The machine automatically figures the math for you.

What gets my wife, though, is how I can figure totals, including taxes, in my head while shopping. She can't do that.

On a related note, I lit into my younget's 4th-grade teacher last conference. They no longer teach multiplication tables by rote. I asked her how she could justify it, and she quoted the party line about some kids not being able to memorize as well as others, etc. The school didn't want to injure self-esteem.

When my youngest finishes this year, we're going to be home schooling from now on.

Respects,

by AW1 Tim on February 11, 2008 8:12 PM

'Just think how much cheaper your bug-smasher would be if it weren't made of balsa...'
That's 6061 T6 aluminum to *you*, Bubba... and if you ever make it out to these here parts I'll strap you in the back seat and show you how to chase coyotes... and don't look up when we go under the wires.
Beer and BBQ to follow... yow! If'n we make it back.

by Neffi on February 11, 2008 9:47 PM

Probably right on about the pitiful education in the public schools. But your math is off.

Production costs may be $80 but you forgot to add the costs for:
OSHA compliance officer
EEOC compliance officer
EPA compliance officer
DOT compliance officer
Human Resources manager
Extra costs for a driver with a CDL to run across town.
"Extra" cost for that tank of diesel.
Higher taxes, insurance, permit fees, ad infinitum.

Bottom line is that the $100 load of lumber costs about $125. Your poor sucker's out of business with his first shipment.

Unless, of course, he lays off all of his employees, buys a load of lumber drop shipped from China for $50, and has the customer pick it up at the terminal. Then the math problem is simpler.

"If the customer pays cash, does the logger have to tell the IRS?"

by Jack Heismann on February 11, 2008 10:14 PM

Dang! When I was in school, in the fifties and sixties, we learned about commutative, associative, and other properties of arithmetic, and the number line, and real and rational numbers, and cetera. We learned in 7th grade, taught by a crabby old smart woman, how to change from decimal to octal to binary and back and forth any which way. (She always corrected us when we called the course "math"; she told us we were learning arithmetic and that math would come later)

We were taught how to make change in ELEMENTARY school. Third grade, mayb

I thank a nice lady (and double PHD) from Pakistan who decided that teaching Calc in an american school was her calling in life. Set me up pretty well for these here classes.

by GeoSTI on February 12, 2008 2:24 AM

Guys, I just have to be contrary (of course) That was funny, but....

My 9th grade daughter is no math wiz, but she is doing math that I was never taught to do. She uses graphic calculators, and she is doing algebra using shortcuts and tools that I'd never seen before. Moreover, she is doing similar kinds of math in both her biology class (genetics) and her math class, which is cool because it shows how the stuff is applied--AND she is in the class for people who need extra help!!!

Look, I know there are folks at McDs who can't make change without a machine to tell them how, but the schools (at least in mid-Texas) are teaching real math and the students are being tested in it. Also, even though the Spanish bit was funny, the kids here are NOT taking the tests in Spanish unless that's the language they speak best.

Yeah, yeah, I know, our 'sovereignty' demands they should be taking the test in English, the only language of our land, blah, blah, blah... What do I care what language they are speaking if they are doing the math properly, eh?

As for my kid... Well, she didn't do so well on the state test last year, so she goes to tutoring 3 times a week before school, and she is in a class where the teacher gets to spend more time with her. Is this universally true? No, and I know it, but I also know that the 5-6,000 kids in high school in this school district (and it's not a 'rich' one either) are all being taught the same stuff, and they are being held to the state standard. And yeah, we could argue the point about standards, and value of same, etc., but what I know, what I see with my own eyes, is that my daughter is getting a far better education than I did, and I finished HS in 73. She is doing more, her classes are more connected, there are more counselers, I can look up her grades on line, and so on.

All in all, I think the current crop of kids are being offered a much better public school education than most people realize (at least in some places). Now whether the kids and parents put effort into themselves and take advantage of what they are being offered, well, that's another story.

ooooohhhhhhh
Neffi's gonna strap Bill into his backseat....???
must be present for that, so please give me enough warning to arrange transportation.
*grin*

by WereKitten on February 12, 2008 7:33 AM

HI SANGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How's it goin', stranger?

Re. your daughter:
My son has been taught "traditional" math so far, including this year. But, next year, in 6th grade, he'll start using a calculator for most things, and he'll no longer have spelling tests. Their reasoning? Because in the real world, people use calculators and they use spell-check on computers. But... they're not having computer classes or typing, because funding has been cut. I am determined to make sure my kids are not hunt-n-peckers, so I'll have to teach them my mad typing skilz at home.

by AFSister on February 12, 2008 7:44 AM

Calculators? CALCULATORS? I remember my Algebra II teacher in High School, Mrs. Taber, slapping me down (verbally) for daring to draw a slide rule in her class. It was log tables in the back of the book, and linear interpolation done with pencil and paper, dammit!

P.s. And yes, I did walk to and from school, at age 7 or so, and it wasn't uphill either way, and there was no snow, it being Southern FL, and there was no barbed wire around my elementary school, and I and my parents were perfectly OK with all of that.

GeoSTI:
And just think CW4, who will be designing those fun collections of parts moving in formation?

The same people doing it now -- H1Bs from Asia. Hired at 50¢ on the dollar. Or Asian immigrants -- the bulk of the people sticking it out in engineering schools today.

Meanwhile, our native-born mathphobes are graduating with degrees in pre-Columbian Art Appreciation and $100,000 loan balances, and they're shocked, shocked to find that employers are not beckoning them, and casting rose petals in their path.

Understand numeric concepts and you will always be able to make yourself useful. I never understood why one can graduate college without a single statistics class. If that were a requirement, we'd hear much less nonsense use of factoids based on mean averages, for one thing.

It's the same here in Doity Joisey except the little counter "Chicklets" don't cry, they get hostile. What-the-hell.

by Pixelkiller on February 13, 2008 8:35 AM

You'd think that if any region would be likely to go all touchy-feely and self-esteemy on math skills and the like it would be mine in suburban New Jersey. But they are as serious as rain about this type of thing in our district. The kids are expected to know their tables before entering 3rd grade. The middle schoolers get 2+ hours of homework per night.

It's all about college prep here and it is just ridiculously competitive. The administrators tell the parents that there isn't a school in the NE actively seeking more students from North Jersey and you must compete against your own region for spots.

I feel bad for the little goomers. I never had to work anywhere near that hard in school.

by spongeworthy on February 13, 2008 8:47 AM

Being somewhat younger (not quite 30 now) I will have to disagree a little bit with the bemoaning of math skills. I was counting in binary in fourth grade (it was actually being taught in my class, so we all were) and we were learning all the geometric and trigonometric concepts through high school. We used graphing calculators, sure, but we also had to be able to graph by hand, and we had all previously been able to do most functions without the aid of a calculator. Except logarithms and the like, but seriously, before calculators to do logarithms for you everybody had tables anyway, right?

In addition, my senior year of high school the math class was calculus, although just single-variable. First semester differential, second semester integral, although I graduated before the second semester.

Now, my public school might have been an aberration, and I'll be damned sure my son is able to learn math at least as fast as I was able, but I think it's a bit of a mistake to say that math isn't being taught in schools.

On the other hand, my mother mentioned to me the other day that one of my younger sister's teachers claimed in a PTA meeting there wasn't any need to teach long division anymore since all the kids would have calculators anyway....

by Andy on February 13, 2008 8:48 AM

When Thurber wrote "The Figgerin' of Aunt Wilma," it was funny. Except we now know it wasn't funny; it was prophetic.

by Countrylawyer on February 13, 2008 8:58 AM

My wife and I agreed that we still think public school is important, as crazy and wrongheaded as it can be at times. But we also agreed that we would not rely on it for our kid's education. Ours learn math and science at my feet, mainly because of my enthusiasm for the subjects, and we divide other duties.

I have opinions about what schools ought to be teaching, but what the kids actually learn is more important to me.

I had an similar experience at a restaurant a while back where I gave the cashier a $10 bill and she accidentally entered into the cash register that I had given her a $5 bill. She realized she had made a mistake, but had no clue how to fix it. She asked her coworkers for help and they had no clue and none of them had a calculator. After a few minutes they gave up trying and I ended up with a dollar extra in change.

Also, I heard one of the bank managers at my local branch say the reason an not enough people with the math skills to do the job.

but I think it's a bit of a mistake to say that math isn't being taught in schools.

Math is being taught, but students are often not learning it. My high school offered calculus as well, but only 5-10% of the students actually took calculus before they graduated.

AW1 Tim......she quoted the party line about some kids not being able to memorize as well as others, etc. The school didn't want to injure self-esteem.

10th grade, '63, English teacher required us to memorize the 'helping verbs'. I did not succeed and could not recite next day in class. She told me, in language I understood, that I would know them next day.

Next day, my recitation was flawless as it is today.

by Willys on February 13, 2008 9:24 AM

What I observe is a huge disparity between schools, and maybe even between classes within a particular high school. I know many kids at church who are in public schools who are clearly doing challenging work in math and other subjects. OTOH, students at the local community college tell me that almost half the students coming into the college go into developmental math, developmental reading and writing because they are NOT prepared for college work. Furthermore, the developmental math classes aren't just helping students master algebra, they are working on basic addition and multiplication.

Why is there such disparity between students in the same community? I'm sure some of it can be attributed to parental involvement, and to socioeconomic conditions, but I think part of it is the trend away from teaching elementary kids the basics.
When schools teach the basics, all the kids get the foundation to build on. When the basics, like multiplication tables, are glossed over or pushed aside to make time for more "interesting and challenging" work, a lot of kids get left behind. The kids who are slightly ahead developmentally will be fine, and the kids whose parents make sure they learn the basics will be okay, and they probably benefit from the opportunity to play around with interesting problems and applications. The problem is that about half the class is left without the tools needed to understand the work they are doing or to move on to more advanced material. By the time the kids reach high school, the gap is huge, and while some kids are doing great things, others are just marking time to get a diploma.
I went to private school and did lots of interesting stuff with math in grade school. We are homeschooling our kids, and I make a real effort to go beyond "drill and kill", but all the fun stuff is in addition to, not instead of covering the basics.

by JeanE on February 13, 2008 9:30 AM

Back in the mid-90's I worked at a craft store. Applicants had to take a one-page arithmetic test that consisted largely of problems like "clothespins are 5 for $1, how much do 60 clothespins cost?" The vast majority of our workers were older women. Most of our younger applicants couldn't pass the test, including two memorable high school students who were enrolled in a class called "calculus" who couldn't pass it despite cheating off each other. And that doesn't include the number who didn't even bother applying once they found out there was a math test involved.

Monkeys can be trained to punch buttons on a graphing calculator, especially if you call it "calculus" and tell them it will prepare them for college. I can't begin to number the remedial algebra students I've taught and failed who had taken high school "calculus" and "trigonometry".

So SangerM, your daughter's "math" class may include stuff you've never learned before, but that just means that she's not even learning the basic stuff you learned. Instead she's being trained to be a calculator monkey. Trust me, I've seen her type in my college classes. They end up in my office not understanding how to deal with rational expressions because they've never done fractions without a calculator. They either learn some real math real quick, or they flunk out of college. Because in the REAL real world, we have to do arithmetic on the fly.

I took my kids out of school because they weren't teaching them enough math. True, all our kids won't be engineers. But if we don't at least attempt to teach them math like they're going to be engineers, we cut them off from the possibility altogether.

Terrifically funny post! However I do think AW1 Tim and Sanger have hit on one of the issues. Calculators are introduced very early today which results in two things

1. The younger kids don't learn their math facts (thus the problems with making change)
2. The older kids are doing more advanced math sooner. However I still wonder if they are just hitting the function key on the calculator or are they really learning the math?

Now I sent my kids to an elementary charter school where the math facts were drilled into them. Unfortunately the school's scores on the state required end of grade test weren't great for younger kids because that test doesn't test math facts but tests the kids ability to use a calculator. Arggh!

Now my kids go to a different charter middle school and many of their classmates came from our local public school system. The teachers greatest complaint -- most kids don't know their math facts!

But also to add a little balance to the funny post -- here is a problem from my 6th graders math homework last night (paraphrased as I'm doing this from memory):

Tom bought 45 pencils which was as many as he could buy with the $20. he had. How much change did he get back?

And I'll almost guarantee you that a question like this shows up on his math test too.

by CharterMom on February 13, 2008 9:32 AM

Public schools is fo po fokes like me. If'n you's can rilly giv yo kids a ril edumcash'n, you's gots to do it.

Three kids in college, all did very well in high school (honors and AP courses) and are doing well in college, too. Their math classes are much more advanced (as some commenters have noted), and that is great. And the best use of their time is not spending hours and hours memorizing multiplication tables like we did; that would limit the time spent on more advanced topics. However, the pendulum has swung too far the other direction. There should be more time spent on basic arithmetic, because that will be a huge time saver and money saver in their day-to-day lives.

I had exactly that experience in a Kentucky Fried Chicken last fall. There was no manager to help out and the kid was so confused, I left with about a dollar less than I should have gotten. The alternative was to hold up the line while I tried to explain. I tried for a minute and gave up.

I went to the hardware store to purchase three or four small items. At the checkout, the clerk miscalculated the sum, shorting herself. I warned her about it, so she recalculated, getting a second wrong answer. I warned her again, so she tried a third time, getting a third wrong charge. I couldn't wait any longer, so I just accepted the third wrong charge. This was all despite the fact that she had a calculator available. Oh well.

by William Grave on February 13, 2008 11:36 AM

Not everyone teaches just the touchy feely stuff. I teach science in a public high school. We do math and lots of it. Volumes, density, wavelengths, Flux, Energy, size distance ratios, graphing, analysis, etc.

I had a young man tell me today that he didn't think he really needed to know how to solve a simple algebraic formula as he was going into the Air Force and therefore didn't need to do the math. Hmmmm..... I think there is a sergeant waiting for him out there somewhere.

By the way, take a minute to think about the type of student that may be working that counter job at McDonald's. They may not necessarily be the best student. The really good students often find better jobs; jobs that are higher paying and more closely related to their interests. In addition the brighter and more motivated workers often find themselves promoted to positions other than the counter.

And just think CW4, who will be designing those fun collections of parts moving in formation?

The same people doing it now -- H1Bs from Asia. Hired at 50¢ on the dollar. Or Asian immigrants -- the bulk of the people sticking it out in engineering schools today. "

Ahem. I'm sitting here at my desk in Lockheed building 158, and there's not an H1B in sight, and few enough Asian faces for that matter. Don't assume that the Computer Science courses are indicative of the general population of engineers.

by DensityDuck on February 13, 2008 11:41 AM

I got a super discount at a taco bell once because the kids couldn't figure out the change and ended up giving me back way more than they should have. I decided to keep the cash. Food was bad , service was terrible and yet I came away feeling good about the whole thing.

by Rick on February 13, 2008 11:44 AM
Not everyone teaches just the touchy feely stuff. I teach science in a public high school. We do math and lots of it. Volumes, density, wavelengths, Flux, Energy, size distance ratios, graphing, analysis, etc.

I used to teach all that stuff in my 9th grade classes, but don't any more. Why?

It's not on the test.

And too many of them can't do it anyway, for the exact reasons discussed here: they do not learn the basics in elementary school and cannot solve problems.

It's gonna suck when they're adults.

by Jenn on February 13, 2008 12:39 PM

It's odd that the experience you're claiming to have recently was posted by another blogger almost two years ago. The two stories are almost identical. Care to explain?

I'm guessing you finally got your flux capacitor working and went back and posted that comment in '06. If that's the case, I'll give you a good price for your "Mr. Fusion."

Has anyone noticed the difference between arithmetic and mathematics? Physics envy has fooled us into teaching math in place of philosophy as the highest mental exercise. The ass-hat who sold the restauranteur his automatic change-calculating inventory-verifying invoice generator (replacing the register), convinced him that he'd no longer have to pay the long dollar to get employees who had change-making skills. His programmer was highly math-enabled.

Pre-columbian art appreciation is now taught on a calculus model. You end up with very pretty graphs (with the area under them in color!), and counter clerks who are told they don't have to make change. We have a shortage of arithmetic, but a psychotic abundance of "math."

by 2+2, for large values... on February 13, 2008 1:44 PM

I don't mind it being in Spanish if that means it actually returns to teaching MATH.

The 1950s version is Spanish is still preferable to the 1990s liberal [elided] version.

by GK on February 13, 2008 1:53 PM

Um, GK, here at Argghhh! we frown on language like that, however honestly felt, and otherwise valid the point. Which is why I edited the comment.

We're odd that way, 'round here.

It doesn't add to the discussion, it usually deflects it to something less useful.

When schools teach the basics, all the kids get the foundation to build on. When the basics, like multiplication tables, are glossed over or pushed aside to make time for more "interesting and challenging" work, a lot of kids get left behind.[snip] By the time the kids reach high school, the gap is huge, and while some kids are doing great things, others are just marking time to get a diploma.

I think this about says it. One issue with teaching advanced anything is whether everyone really can meet those guideleins. On the other hand, people need more math and science. The fastest growing job category IS technology and that requires some skill sets that have been highly specialized

In fact, someone mentioned the HB1 visas for this country. You know that the highest number of HB1s are given to techie foreigners?

by kat-missouri on February 13, 2008 2:24 PM

John & Bill, I wasn't suggesting plagiarism -- just pointing out the lack of a link. And I tried to keep it lighthearted.

I went to the hardware store to purchase three or four small items. At the checkout, the clerk miscalculated the sum, shorting herself. I warned her about it, so she recalculated, getting a second wrong answer. I warned her again, so she tried a third time, getting a third wrong charge. I couldn't wait any longer, so I just accepted the third wrong charge. This was all despite the fact that she had a calculator available. Oh well.

Have you considered the possibility that you miscalculated?

by Twoandtwoisfour on February 13, 2008 5:06 PM

CharterMom @9:32am,

I do not understand what is wrong with the problem you wrote "Tom bought 45 pencils which was as many as he could buy with the $20. he had. How much change did he get back? "

It seems like a practical problem that requires a touch of Algebra to solve.

Two dimes.

by Edman on February 13, 2008 6:02 PM

It is a funny Joke, but I went to a non magnet Public High School in the south in the early eighties and a large percentage of the students there took calculus. So I don’t want to hear about how much better older folk’s math knowledge and education was unless they were calculating the volumes of solids of revolution. I will listen to complaints about my English education, Tess of the D’Urbervilles and My Antonia, what a waste of time.

by Edman on February 13, 2008 6:18 PM

It's a nice story but if you check Snopes, it's also an old, old one. Bad form, donovan.

Here's a new, true story that makes the same point.

I was helping my grandson in 1st grade with his arithmetic homework. They were learning addition and substraction THIS way:

Take the numbers 2, 6, and 8

Put them in their proper slots:

__ + __ = __

__ - __ = __
or
__ + __ = __

This is not a joke, it's from a good elementary school in suburban Houston, Texas.

Fortunately, I taught my kids real arithmetic, and will do the same for their kids. It gives them such an advantage over their peers that one admitted to feeling a little guilty about the 'unfairness' of him knowing how to get the right answer, or recognize the wrong answer, so much more quickly than anybody around him. But he quickly figured out that he had nothing to be ashamed of, and has become quite adept at exploiting the situation in everything from poker to life insurance to splitting tabs at parties. That's the ultimate in justice -- the innumerate PAY for their ignorance. The downside is, they blame George Bush.

The second one is evidently WW2 German. That looks like some sort of towing connector at the top-left, with what appears to be electrical connection wires right below. Narrow tracks, and doesn't look like a full-sized AFV, so I'll guess it's a ammo trailer for a self-propelled gun.

Bottom photo is the original TOW or Tank On a Wire guided missile system.

by Fred on February 9, 2008 11:14 AM

The Germans called that a "Goliath" Tracked Mine. I think it carried around 200 lbs of high explosives, was guided by wire from a joystick control box. It was mostly used by their combat engineers or "Pioniere" auf Deutsch. Good concept, but they weren't very effective.

by WS on February 9, 2008 1:41 PM

#2 isn't a Goliath....It's a Minenräumpanzer III - mine clearing/mine destroyer tank, a prototype based on the Panzer III chassis.

by WS on February 9, 2008 2:56 PM

"I am not getting caught up in this nonsense. You are not going to drive me crazy all weekend."

Too late.

by jim b on February 9, 2008 4:46 PM

I believe that was one of the "Snapper" shots done in May and June of 1952. From the nuclearweaponarchive.org web site:

"Cause of the surface mottling. At this point in the explosion, a true hydrodynamic shock front has just formed. Prior to this moment the growth of the fireball was due to radiative transport, i.e. thermal x-rays outran the expanding bomb debris. Now however the fireball expansion is caused by the shock front driven by hydrodynamic pressure (as in a conventional explosion, only far more intense). The glowing surface of the fireball is due to shock compression heating of the air. This means that the fireball is now growing far more slowly than before. The bomb (and shot cab) vapors were initially accelerated to very high velocities (several tens of kilometers/sec) and clumps of this material are now splashing against the back of the shock front in an irregular pattern (due to initial variations in mass distribution around the bomb core), creating the curious mottled appearance."

February 8, 2008

Electile Disfunction Sufferers--take heart!

Researchers have announced the development of a treatment for Electile Disfunction (ED). In recognition of the grave situation the FDA has waived all time-consuming requirements such as human double-blind trials and safety testing in an effort to get this drug to the countless millions of sufferers before the upcoming election.

[Ad Copy]
Do you suffer from flaccid political interest? Unable to function during caucuses, primaries, or even general elections? Have you noticed an inability to become excited or aroused by any of the candidates?

As voters become older and wiser many frequently find the thrill of voting, the heady feeling of changing the world won't rise to the occasion. Sometimes health issues, such as inability to forget prior candidate performance, can also inhibit spontaneity and pleasure.

I had such a severe case of ED I wasn't even interested in voting for myself! -- Bob Dole

It's embarrassing -- you've always considered yourself a stalwart citizen, firm in your beliefs, always ready to raise the standard of civic responsibility and stimulated by the energetic give-and-take of political debate, the penetrating analysis, the oral arguments, all culminating in waves of passionate support that crescendo to a final overwhelming conclusion.

But now you usually drift off to sleep before the debate has finished. You have no interest in initiating political discussions, evading questions with awkward excuses. Perhaps your spouse has discovered the pamphlets about Antarctic condos, the benefits of long-term hibernation, or the Popular Mechanics issue about converting old missile silos to comfortable bomb shelters.

Help is on the way! BCR Labs new biomedical division has worked feverishly through many long nights to develop GRAVITRA®, a safe and effective treatment for the tragedy of Electile Disfunction. GRAVITRA® allows you to sustain an interest in minutia when *you* feel the urge. No cumbersome electroshock equipment to spoil the mood! (See a doctor if effects last longer than four hours, or if you find any secret messages from the Illuminati while alphabetizing your kitchen cupboards). With GRAVITRA® everything the candidates do will be deliciously fraught with meaning! Long stump speeches will no longer provoke humiliating snores! You will enjoy elections again (and in Chicago, frequently!)

(GRAVITRA® is not for everyone. Patients accustomed to rational thought, philosophers, and individuals with a genetic propensity for common sense should use caution. Side effects include Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, anal-retentive behavior, and late-onset autism)

See your doctor for a prescription now! New patients are eligible for the BCR Labs GRAVITRA® Promotional Kit, with tools and suggestions for imaginative role-playing and decision-making.

'such as inability to forget prior candidate performance'
Aye, there's the rub...
But thanks for the laff, BCR!

by Neffi on February 8, 2008 10:23 AM

What will they think of next; with all these great advances in technology. Thanks BCR.

Though I have a concern: If after taking Gravitras, I experience a 4-hour long event of full resplendency, would that be considered Primarism? I would hate to take Gravitras and experience this embarassing side efect.

by Boquisucio on February 8, 2008 12:07 PM

I'm just worried about the after-affects. Could I live with myself afterwards?? Or do I get hooked on Gravitra as a way of fending off a bad case of the Willy's after I accidently vote for Billary??

by AFSister on February 8, 2008 12:40 PM

Late-onset? Pffvbbffth! I've been this way my whole life, and actually voted for Ron Paul the last time he ran!

That said, looks like I'll have to hold nose, grit teeth, and vote for the Naval Angriator. Definitely.

Oh, and I would never buy underwear from K-Mart. Jockey Classic, size 30, for the last 40 years.

February 2, 2008

Countdown

Three more hours and I begin the trek to Ft. Benning, Jaja. And, while I'm TSIRTing my fingers to nubs on Sunday (and all the rest of the week, too, but this joke happens to refer to Sunday), you guys can watch The Game with your minds at ease, knowing I'm out there cussing a blue streak stoically preparing to defend your sorry butts right to nacho your LDL numbers into low Earth orbit.

Ummmm -- save me a couple of chili-dogs, John. Extra cheese.

A Patriots fan has 50-yard-line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, another Pats fan comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

"No," said the firstcomer, "the seat is empty."

"This is incredible!" said the second fan. "Who in his right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it ?"

Somberly, the first Pats fan says, "Well, the seat actually belongs to me. My wife usually accompanies me, but she passed away. This will be the first Super Bowl we haven’t been to together since we got married in 1967."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor -- to take the seat?"

What is this "Game" of which you are speaking, Chief? Is it the one during the watching of which, (according to Ms. Dworkin and her ilk) the men beat the hell out of the wimminz, and the normally weird people like me can enjoy mostly empty roads, free from the usual a-holes, said a-holes being at home, staring at TV sets depicting stupid ball games, with their mouths hanging open.

Hmm, having no emotional investment in this, maybe I could be a cold-blooded dispassionate bettor on the outcome!

It's late to start learning, though, I'd prolly bet like a sucker, and it ain't legal where I live, anyway.

I remember reading the Tom Clancy novel, "The Sum of All Fears", I think it was, in which the Super Bowl got nuked. I thought, eww, what about the poor bandsmen?

I think that there are no bandsmen at the Stupor Bowel these days, so, uh, I don't think I'll complete my exposition here but y'all can catch my drift, and so froth, and forth.

In general, all of the places which the Feds define as prime terrist targets, such as feetball stadia, shopping malls, New York City, Miami, Boston, Atlanta, New Jersey, Chicago, large public gatherings of any type, etc. etc., are places which require considerable effort of will on my part, if not coercion by other people, for me to visit them.

Wow,
I'm almost 66 years of age and this is a really old joke. Started, I believe, during some 50's World Series game.
Those were the years, only off-field booze, sex and bribery, none of the on-field steroids,amphetimines,cocaine and off field rape, dog torture,and, corrupting endorsements of today's worthless pro/collegiant "sports".
mike

by Mike Daley on February 2, 2008 7:38 PM

Sport is cool if that's all it is, just fun. American football at its best is both very cerebral and very physical.

That's why so many guys get a charge out of playing it. Sadly, it seems to have gotten all warped and distorted, lately, into something like the chariot-racing factions in the last days of Byzantium.

I believe both Jerry Pournelle and David Drake wrote stories which recycled a justifiable massacre done in Constantinople, against sports fans in a sports stadium.

February 1, 2008

Okay, this has been a pretty chewy week...

...with lots of meaty, portentous posts and comments - and not enough silliness.

So. Silliness! There is a photo below the fold in the Flash Traffic/Extended Entry provided by Boquisucio. It's pretty much safe for most work environments, but... it's down there so no one is embarrassed when they go to a co-worker, "Hey! Lookit this cool website I found, that got lots of good military stuff on ...GAAAAAAAACK!"

Boq proposes a caption contest. I'll get you started, with a caption that will give you a clue, too.

"An Israeli General Staff officer, mistaking the movie "300" for a documentary, introduces proposed changes to the IDF combat uniform..."

That oughta do it. Whoa! Don't get between the Flash Traffic and Werekitty and Princess Crabby! Dangit. Now I'm going to have to replace the door!

Sgt. Amos to Cpl. Eyal: "Next Guinea I hear bleating "BUTTCHEEKS-BUTTCHEEKS", will end up in tomorrow's stew.

by Boquisucio on February 1, 2008 8:20 PM

JMH wrote: "Tarl Cabot Returns!" Wow!!! I got a genuine flash of real adolescent sexual thrill memories when I read that name!!! I read Tarnsman of Gor in the late 60s or early 70s (I was 10 in 66), I think, and most of the rest of that series until well into the mid 70s, I am sure. I thougt they were just the greatest--I loved them, but I haven't returned to them or even thought about them for a couple of decades at least! Just wow! really!

Of course, I've read a lot of 'good' stuff in my life, but I have always been partial to trash fiction too. I was a real fan of Mack Bolan until he started working for the government, of Sadler's Casca, of the Lensmen, Doc Savage, and almost every single Star trek book written up to about 1995. And as much as I dislike Hubbard, I think Battlefield Earth was among the best SF of its kind, at least as good as Ender's Game, which may be the best SF book of its genre ever written. And of course, Nathan Brazil, and Dragons of Pern, and all of Darkover too. And lots, lots more.....

The Greening of the Castle...

Although, since some of you weren't paying attention when it first appeared, it'll be a *new* joke to you.

Two Arab terrorists are in the locker room taking a shower (well -- this *is* a joke) after their bomb making class, when one notices the other has a huge cork stuck betwixt his nether cheeks.

“If I do not offend your tender sensibilities," says the observer, "that cork looks very uncomfortable. Why do you not remove it?"

“I regret that I cannot," laments the observed. "It is permanently emplaced within my sphincter."

"I do not understand," says the observer. "How came it to be there?"

The observed replies, "I shall endeavor to explain. I was walking along the riverbank and I tripped over a lamp of curious and ancient design. There was a puff of smoke and then a huge old man garbed in raiment of the flag of the Amriki with a white beard and top hat came boiling out. He said, "I am Uncle Sam, the Genie. I can grant you one wish."

I said, "No sh*t?"

Dedicated to the AQI-types hunkered down in Mosul.

P.S. Go take a nice stroll along the riverbank to settle your nerves...

I woke up after sleeping about 3 hours and read your joke. I like it, but of course, I have a sick sense of humor. I've got an old oak tree in my front yard, that's over 300 years old, it's diameter is 4 feet at 4 feet off the ground. At the base of the canopy, the width is about 135 feet, all solid. Now when you come to some of YOUR Politicians, we can take that old oak and use it to clean their teeth the long way. One problem, they would never feel it. SIR, it was a great story. It even brought some laughter to a GRUMPY old vet.

Chief, that is Divinely funny, as I think that the Deity has a very low and nasty sense of humor, similar to yours and mine. I try not to piss Him off enough that I get to be the main victim in one of His practical jokes.

Do me one favor, keep your sense of humor, it is the best thing in the world for me. Not all of the time, but when it strikes, let it fly. It is the best medication in the world for me. The big thing is I don't need to get some [REDACTED] doctor's permission or perscription to take it. The neat thing is my doctors agree.

January 31, 2008

For those contemplating retirement, some useful info...

While there no perfect place, there is something for everyone.... I can validate the Midwest portion. You can meet famous people, but you have to go somewhere else to do it. Of course, you can also buy an expansive demesne nearly the size of Central Park for what half a duplex will cost you in California.

Where to Live After Retirement
You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where.....
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot wa ter in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You can Live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought .

You can Live in New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3.You think Central Park is "nature,"
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can Live in Maine where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.

You can Live in the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, MARY BETH, etc.

You can live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You can live in the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

OR, You can live in Florida where..
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2.. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.

In Phoenix, instead of an umbrella for rain, you have to carry a pot holder to open your door.

Instead of running your car for 15 minutes with the heater on to warm it up, you have to run it for 15 minutes with the A/C running just so you can sit int he seat, touch the belt buckle or steering wheel.

and, don't touch the windows or lean against the car because you can get 2nd degree burns. (personal experience)

Or you can live in Southeast Alaska where:
1. Summer high temperatures above about 70 degrees absolutely require A/C.
2. Eleven straight days of half to an inch of rain daily is just eleven days.
3. You measure distances by ferry hours or Alaska Air mileage plans.
4. You don't mind sharing the streets of your small town (pop. 14,000) with 870,000 visitors off of cruise ships.
5. You can live in a real community,with real people, with all the problems, and still feel good about it.

by Hunter on January 31, 2008 12:53 PM

The heading for Phoenix can also be used for Las Vegas. The description of California is sadly largely true. California also has earthquakes but at lest we do not have tornadoes

Then there is the weather shifts.
70 degrees one day, then a blizzard, then back to 70s.
I celebrated a white christmas in Denver while on leave after my first deployment. My leave started 15 May, yet I had 72 degrees for my birthday on the 21st...

Heck, West Tennessee doesn't count in my book. When you order Tea and they don't just assume you mean Sweet Tea, you can no longer claim that you are a part of the South.

by Yu-Ain Gonnano on February 1, 2008 6:50 PM

Now that was funny y'all. I've lived north-central, midwest, south, Florida, Texas, CA, and I was raised in Philly and on the Jersey Coast. There is just so much truth there that its amazing...

But I would like to point out to Idon Wannano that to me, everywhere below Wilmington, DE is the South, and the 'deep' south is everything in a box roughly cornered by Kansas City, Beaumont, Jacksonville, and Alexandria. Everything left of Kansas City and North of D/FW is "The Blank Spot States" until one gets to "Out West," which starts at New Mexico and Ends at the CA Border (all of it). And of course, I live in what I consider the Texico Plains (San Antonio)....

P.S. One could also live on Oahu (done that, hated it),where your county is all the land there is and where if you drive more than 20 miles in a straight line, you need scuba gear (but they have THREE interstate highways and a loop!!); where directionsare often given in terms of wind-direction; where flowered shirts, shorts, and the good flip-flops are semi-formal wear; where everyone is a brudda, even us haolis; where everything is imported, but there are NO snakes, just mongooses (it's an odd story); and where people eat this stuff called poi that makes first grade craft paste seem downright tasty by comparison.

January 28, 2008

Money Quote...

As soon as Obama also gets the coveted "Jimmah" Carter endorsement, we'll know just HOW dangerous he'd be as POTUS.

by fdcol63 on January 28, 2008 5:34 PM

FatBoy doesn't know what end is up, never did and he is incapable of disappointing me any further.

However, Caroline is a different story. How can she be so impressed by an empty suit? To my knowledge she has never come out and endorsed a presidential candidate...........why now? How can she be fooled by Obama's smoke and mirrors? Her father was a man of substance. Agree with him, disagree with him, at least he had a record to stand on. JFK was a leader of men. Obama is like a mirage.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery...

Since this week the Castle is getting an uptick in visits from the college crowd, I should post something that will play to the stereotype of a right-wing gun-nut, so we having to talk about in class... 8^ ) Not that Kat hasn't been doing her best of late to stir that pot.

And with this post, I can play to both the Right-Wing Fascist Myrmidon *and* Gun-nut stereotypes... though, for the record, I don't like Glocks all that much.

Hey, some of us college kids come here for the comedy and commentary as well!

But we like the gun pr0n here in the engineering department, oh yes we do.

by GeoSTI on January 28, 2008 9:30 AM

yeah, besides, I don't think a gun blog has done its job unless someone runs screaming from it once day, "Gun Nut!!!!!" as well as at least once a week check up by the ATFE, FBI or some other organization responding to a complaint about possible militia, separatists, etc

The real deal states "Iraqi Photos"... Thats what happens when improperly led SPC's and junior SGTs get their hands on a Sharpie marker.

I bet Petraus would not be amused.

Regards.

by Dakota on January 28, 2008 11:04 PM

Dakota
The photo was taken some time before the General took over his current duties.

And some of us remember when it made its first trip down the intertubes.

Cheers

by J.M. Heinrichs on January 29, 2008 12:39 AM

And, in fact, I'm the one who photoshopped that version of it. And deliberately so that it was detectable - both to make it a touch more PC, in that it was referring to a legitimate target, and as an example of Info-Ops.

It was further useful in the discussion of Palestianian Fauxtography.

More recently, it's been useful in a discussion of gallows humor - where a reader was just terribly offended by this sort of humor on the part of the soldiery, where I then suggested if they were going to hate soldiers for dark humor like this - they better hate the police, ambulance crews, and firefighters - all of whom have their own, just as dark in form and target, versions of gallows humor. I will correct the record and add emergency room personnel, too.

One way you deal with facing human foible and it's aftermath is too make mock of it, as a way of coping. It's everyone in the group's responsibility to keep an eye on everyone else to make sure that it's a coping mechanism, and the people involved aren't shifting to more dangerous levels of stress.

And yes, to keep things like this from being quite so obvious. And to make sure people understand why making it too obvious can, and usually is, detrimental in a larger context.

John,
You are correct in the "Dark humor" department. I have the honor of being a former EMT, Firefighter, police assistant (I play bad guy aggressor in tac squad practice drills, IT IS FUN), and proud veteran of the small group called the 82nd Airborne Division. AIRBORNE, ALL THE WAY! I also am a Top Team graduate of the old sniper school at Fort Bragg, NC. Humor is a psychological tool that keeps depression and mental illness at bay.
With all that experience behind me, I'm currently a RN charge nurse in an emergency room. Go figure...?
God bless you John, and I'll raise a beer to you tonight. Check six, and I've got your back.

A Retired American Major...

...of Irish lineage was touring the Ancestral Isle and became pathetically lost somewhat misoriented. Chancing upon a pub in the center of a small village, he stopped in and asked the landlord, "What's the fastest way to Dublin?"

"That depends," he replied. "Are you walking or driving?"

"I'm driving," answered the Major (Ret).

"Ahhhh, very good -- that's the fastest way."

Heh.

Got my orders -- I'll be spending the first week in February in Cricket Country (the Benning School for Boys, aka, the Columbus Stockade). Last time I was there was June of 2001, doing a trainup for wintertime in the Balkans -- which struck me as akin to conducting ASW training in Denver.

Remind me to pick up some decent desert boots while I'm there -- Clothing Sales at Dix only had chick sizes in stock...

pls note for the record that it is John who assumes that it is HE who is the purported "lost Major", and not myself...

(probably a valid assumption)

by MajMike on January 28, 2008 10:52 AM

Dang it.
I'd love to get down there, but I can't.
DANG IT>>>>>>>>

by AFSister on January 28, 2008 9:25 PM

Do you know the way to San Jose?

Why, yes. Yes I do. Where you startin' from? Pretty much no matter what you do you wind up using either I80 or I580 (though other freeways are involved). Why do you ask?
(stares down at gaping hole in stomach where my innards used to be)

A Retired American Major...

...of Irish lineage was touring the Ancestral Isle and became pathetically lost somewhat misoriented. Chancing upon a pub in the center of a small village, he stopped in and asked the landlord, "What's the fastest way to Dublin?"

"That depends," he replied. "Are you walking or driving?"

"I'm driving," answered the Major (Ret).

"Ahhhh, very good -- that's the fastest way."

Heh.

Got my orders -- I'll be spending the first week in February in Cricket Country (the Benning School for Boys, aka, the Columbus Stockade). Last time I was there was June of 2001, doing a trainup for wintertime in the Balkans -- which struck me as akin to conducting ASW training in Denver.

Remind me to pick up some decent desert boots while I'm there -- Clothing Sales at Dix only had chick sizes in stock...

pls note for the record that it is John who assumes that it is HE who is the purported "lost Major", and not myself...

(probably a valid assumption)

by MajMike on January 28, 2008 10:52 AM

Dang it.
I'd love to get down there, but I can't.
DANG IT>>>>>>>>

by AFSister on January 28, 2008 9:25 PM

Do you know the way to San Jose?

Why, yes. Yes I do. Where you startin' from? Pretty much no matter what you do you wind up using either I80 or I580 (though other freeways are involved). Why do you ask?
(stares down at gaping hole in stomach where my innards used to be)

January 25, 2008

Urban legend abornin'...

I got an email this morning that has all the highlights of an urban legend in the making.

[Photo removed at the request of the copyright holder - see comment fom Tim]

The K9 above is Brutus, a military K9 at McChord. He's huge - part Boxer and part British Bull Mastiff and tops the scales at 200 lbs. His handler took the picture. Brutus is running toward me because he knows I have some Milk Bone treats, so he's slobbering away! I had to duck around a tree just before he got to me in case he couldn't stop, but he did. Brutus won the Congressional Medal of Honor last year from his tour in Iraq. His handler and four other soldiers were taken hostage by insurgents. Brutus and his handler communicate by sign language and he gave Brutus the signal that meant "go away but come back and find me". The Iraqis paid no attention to Brutus. He came back later and quietly tore the throat out of one guard at one door and another guard at another door. He then jumped against one of the doors repeatedly (the guys were being held in an old warehouse) until it opened. He went in and untied his handler and they all escaped. He's the first K9 to receive this honor. If he knows you're ok, he's a big old lug and wants to sit in your lap. Enjoys the company of cats.

Emphasis mine. Okay, we know the Medal business is bogus. And if the story was otherwise true, doncha think it would be all over the 'net like a rash? But it isn't. Snopes hasn't heard of it yet, and I couldn't find a whiff on Google.

I'm throwing the BS flag - if you know better *do* please offer up some corroborating evidence! The reason I posted it is because I just wanted to be in (as a debunker) of what could make it into Urban Legend.

Well, that and I like the pic of the dog. BTW - anybody find that picture elsewhere on the 'net, in other contexts?

I have no definite knowledge either way, so all of what follows is mild-to-moderately informed speculation. However...

My immediate reaction is that the dog doesn't look like either a Boxer or a Bullmastiff, so the crossbreed claim is dubious. It's true that hybrids don't always look like a puzzle assembled from pieces of the parents, but still, you can usually look at a dog and tell its general breeding background by its appearance. For example, you don't normally get a heavy-bodied dog by crossing a borzoi with a whippet. Boxer and Bullmastiff are both mastiff-type dogs. This dog doesn't look to me like a cross between two mastiff types.

Second reaction is that AIUI, military K9s are typically trained using schutzhund methods. They won't take food from anyone but their handler. They are always under the handler's control and will not charge anybody except on the handler's orders. They are not trained to kill; at most they're trained to "attack and hold" by a grip on a nonlethal place such as a forearm or a leg.

Other things I noticed:

* Most US military dogs are purebred German Shepherds, Belgian Malinois, or similar breeds. They don't typically use mastiffs, nor crossbreeds. Other breeds might be used for drug or explosives detection, especially bird-dogs and scenthounds with their excellent noses, but for patrol dogs they tend to stick to the shepherd-type.

* The "sign language" sounds bogus. Dogs are smart but not that smart, and mastiffs aren't generally among the smartest of dogs. How do you signal "go away but come back and find me later"?

* Web searches for "dog medal Iraq" and similar terms found nothing except a story of a Springer Spaniel, a British army dog, that found a big weapons cache. If this story were true, I can't believe it wouldn't have gotten reported somewhere.

So my inclination is to agree with you, Armorer. It's a Net-legend in the making.

by wolfwalker on January 25, 2008 10:11 AM

Hmmm... I believe the military has guidelines mandating the breeds acceptable as K9s, and that ain't it! Second the BS flag...

by Neffi on January 25, 2008 10:13 AM

Gee so much for a good story. Does truth always have to be considered since in actuality we may not really know much truth since history is written by the victors. For example: Was Hannibal a great general or did Rome, a great nation or soon to be in their minds, need a great enemy?

by JimC on January 25, 2008 10:50 AM

OOPs don't parse the above.

by JimC on January 25, 2008 10:55 AM

Having handled and personally owned them before I'd say Brutus is a Belgian Mal. His ears are laid back as he's running, which is common with them. Not sure what that is above/behind his head... some sort of collar rig maybe, but I'm not going to speculate.

Other than that it's a great picture of a Mal on the run.

V5

by V5 on January 25, 2008 11:38 AM

McChord (Granted it shares land with Ft. Lewis I believe) is an Air Force base--and I know with a certainty (I oversaw the K9 handlers and the kennels at the busiest and 2nd largest kennel in Air Mobility Command--the same command that McChord belongs to)that the AF uses German Shepherds and Belgian Malinois ONLY. No mixed breeds. No mastifs. They're always wearing their choke collars because sometimes the handler needs something to pull them back with after they're in attack mode.

The handlers DO use hand/arm signals to communicate, but I've never heard of the command of go away and come back and rip the throat out of these bad guys. Too Lassie for me. The dogs can, however, act semi-independently as an overwatch while the handler is searching a perp. The dog will attack without specific commands if the perp makes sudden moves to flee or attacks the handler.

The dogs are highly trained to not take food from non-handlers; they don't get milkbones for treats. They're on a strict diet and their rewards are usually the opportunity to play with their kong toys. It's a beautiful and pure thing to see a dog so utterly happy just to get to chomp on some hardened rubber and hear "GOOD BOY/GIRL!!!" Once the dog is comfortable around other troops and if the handler allows it, they'll sometimes get snacks (i.e. tiny pieces of meat from a sandwich, pepperoni, turkey at thanksgiving, etc.) with the caveat that if the kennel master NCO never finds out. They'll still wait until given permission from their handlers to eat it even if it's laying in front of them though.

I'm not sure about the medals--certainly not the MOH. I know that with our puppies, they did have badges (engraved with their Military Working Dog number) and I think that they were authorized to wear campaign ribbons/medals on the badge holder although that may have been just an informal thing the handlers did.

As for the MOH--it took what, 3 years to get LT. Mike Murphy to be awarded the medal and he was in SOCOM. Now add to it that the dog in question is allegedly attached to McChord--Air Force Air Mobility Command and when deployed assigned to CENTAF. I have humans under my command that are waiting 9mos+ to get lesser medals for duties performed in direct combat. I can't imagine a DOG getting a medal first of all, and never mind the MOH which requires interviews of multiple confirming witnesses and congressional approval.

Color this myth BUSTED.

by Raven on January 25, 2008 11:55 AM

OK, so the myth is busted but this is one of those that you almost WANT to be true. Of course I think that's how a lot of things get to be urban legends.

BTW I told a friend who used to be in the Navy the joke about the Marine officers talking about how much of sex is pleasure and how much work and I almost had to give him the Heimlich. He was eating a cinnamon roll and drinking coffee and I didn't know if he was going to choke to death or drown first.

by NevadaDailySteve on January 25, 2008 2:30 PM

John, please contact me ASAP about this very false story. I am the web systems administrator for a police K-9 association and was the one who originally posted that picture on one of our web sites. The intellectual property rights to that photo do not belong to us but we were given permission to use it on our web sites as needed. We do not have the authority to grant someone else permission to use it and the photo is being used(circulated) without the permission of the news organization who does. Yes, this means you also do not have permission to post it here on your blog. Sorry, I'm not trying to bust your chops, only kill this false story that is circulating around and stop the unauthorized use of the photo. I do appreciate your intent of debunking the fabricated story circulating around with it.

For those of you who guessed the dog is a Belgian Malinois, you are 100% correct and I might add, he weighs less than 100 pounds. His name is 'Spike', not Brutus. He is not a military working dog. He is a retired Police K-9 who never served with any of the military working dog units in Iraq and he certainly was never awarded a K-9 Congressional Medal of Honor, as no such award exists and even if one did it would never be awarded to a police service dog who was never in country and participated in a military action.

If any of you have knowledge of the perp who concocted this very false story, please let John know so he can forward the information to me. Our Police K-9 association, dogs included, would like to have a few words with them.

Thanks!
Tim

by Tim on January 25, 2008 4:30 PM

Thanks for staying on top of this, Tim. Can't say that I know anything about the story or the picture, so I can't help you there. Re. intellectual property- considering the problems Mike Yon has gone through with his pictures, you won't find a milblogger out there who has a problem removing copyrighted photos.

by AFSister on January 25, 2008 10:01 PM

Tim,

Is there anyway John could legally allow that picture to remain up?

That is a magnificent Dog having fun.

Whether he is a Mil Dog or a Cop K-9 he should be celebrated.

Damn all you wish the jerks who started this but, let us see that Dog in his joy.

by Old Dog on January 25, 2008 11:14 PM

AFSister, Thanks. No problem at all with this blog or John, who has been most gracious and helpful. As a veteran myself and the father of a current active duty soldier, I never had any doubt that I would be treated any other way.

Old Dog, I wish I had the authority to allow the photo to stay up, but unfortunately I do not. I am suppose to be the watchkeeper of something that was given to us to use in good faith and I feel horrible that someone got a hold of that photo to use for something dishonorable and while on my watch.

I promise I'll be back soon but in a new thread to fulfill your request with a link to protected photos that can't be copied. For now, it's better to let sleeping dogs lie, especially for the handlers at McChord, who are probably going to be getting a lot of inquires about that story if they aren't already.

Until next time, take care and Be Safe!

Tim

by Tim on January 26, 2008 12:31 AM

Hm, wasn't there something similiar in WW2 ?

A dog did something extraordinary and was applied for a medal, not MOH but just below that, andthen a general threw a fit ?

January 23, 2008

The C.O.'s Morning Briefing:

The Commanding Officer of a Regiment in the U. S. Marine Corps was about to start the morning briefing to his Staff and Battalion and Company Commanders.

While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, he decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was 'work' and how much of it was 'pleasure?'

The X.O. chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work.

A Captain said it was 50-50%.

The Colonel's Aide, a Lt., responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending on his state of inebriation at the time. [Marine Colonels have Aides?]

There being no consensus, the Colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion?

With no hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."

The Colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why?

"Well, Sir, began the PFC, "if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."

And then there was Lance Corporal Henderson, hauled in before the Company Commander for being a whole six hours late from a 96 hour liberty.
When asked for an explanation (with Office Hours in the offering, the young Marine began:

"Well sir, I was at the library, and I met this nice lady who wanted to know about some of the things Marines do. I started explaining to her about the Marine Corps. She was really interested, sir. She asked if she could buy me lunch. I said 'Okay.' Turns out she wanted to take me home and feed me. She wasn't coming on to me or anything, sir, she just wanted to continue to conversation. We went to her place, a big old mansion, and she fed me lunch. I noticed that there were a lot of stuffed animal heads on the wall, and she said that her husband was a big game hunter and one hell of a gun collection (Ed note: No, John, this missive happened long before I knew you). Turns out she was an artist, and she asked if I would pose for her so that she could sketch me. I stripped down to my PT shorts, and she started sketching.
"Suddenly, sir, her husband pulls into the driveway. She kinda freaks out, and tells me that her husband is the jealous kind, and might shoot me on the spot, me being almost naked and all... I grabbed my clothes and she stuffed me into a closet. This was on Friday afternoon, sir, and that feller must have had trouble sleeping, 'cause he didn't stop moving through the house until just a few hours ago, and I was able to get out of there."
The Captain mulled the Marine's story over, "So you spent your entire 96 stuffed into a closet?"
"Yes sir."
The Captain nodded, "Well, Marine, I think you've suffered enough. We'll let this one slide, but I'll nail your hide to the door if you ever miss formation again. You're dismissed."
"Aye aye sir." The Marine answered, doing an About Face.
"Henderson." the Captain said, as the Marine prepared to leave the office.
"Sir?"
The Captain gave him knowing look, "That's a good story, but next time leave out the bit about the library; you don't even know how to read!"

January 22, 2008

More Global Warming, Plz.

I'm not griping - I *like* this kind of weather. I'm just saying it's s'posed to get colder... people who've lived here since the 90's are somewhat surprised by this weather - snow that stays on the ground for over a week, temps below 10F, etc. If they'd been here for the late 80's or early 70's, they wouldn't be so surprised.

Hey! Don't try to make me sound cheap.....I tipped way more than dimes. By the time I left Dubai, between the fact that I would TALK to the service industry people (all non-Dubai) and tip meant that every employee of that hotel snapped to attention when I passed.

I tipped well and I said "Hello". Most of the natives treated them like they were invisible and the German and French tourists yelled and demanded and I never saw one tip.

January 14, 2008

Phrases for Frequent Deployers: Lesson the First

The Defense Language Institute has a bunch of handy-dandy downloadable (except to machines running Vista) English-to-Whatever common phrase pamphlets for folks going to pretty much anywhere. Problem is, the subject matter is limited to items like, "Halt! Put the pin back in the grenade and place it gently on the ground!" and "You have a sucking chest wound. Shall I notify a medic?"

Personally, I prefer my Phrasebook for Frequent Deployers. Not only are the phrases more appropriate for social situations, but the languages are limited to French, Spanish, German, Russian, Italian, Norwegian and Dutch, which makes them both easier to memorize and pretty much insures that you'll only be conversing with someone who's not about to stick a shiv into your spleen.

gack. My google-fu is weak this morning. I once came across a collection of strange phrases found in actual tourist guide books. Things like "Please accept my expensive camera as a gift" and "It is not necessary to shoot me". This comes close, though.

January 13, 2008

Fractured Fairy Tales...

BillT briefed on January 9, 2008 12:56 PM:
Actually, "homelike" means anything that doesn't flood much in a monsoon and with enough snakes in the surroundings to keep the rats down but not enough to be a nuisance. Oh, yeah -- and within walking distance of a bar.

Trias briefed on January 10, 2008 7:12 AM:
I think your walking distance to a bar could cover quite an area, particularly if the beer is cold.

Hmmmm. Parrothead Jeff went hunting, and found out how those contractors are really getting their CH3CH2OH (it must be CH3CH2OH, because we know "alcohol" isn't legal in that part of the world...).

Seeing this, and remembering this post of Bill's, I sent out the spies. After a series of sordid dealings, we got photographic proof of what a bunch of contract helo jocks do when they're in a country where ordnance is just laying about, scrup'ls are haram, and personal security is hard to come by, and they've had some CH3CH2OH.

Myself, I think the second round out in a ripple might suffer some accuracy problems due to platform stability issues. To keep this place from getting blacklisted by PETA, you'll have to click the Flash Traffic/extended entry to see Bill's External Guard Force Iraq).

Aside from getting paid a lot of money, drinking CH3CH2OH and configuring “battlesheep” maybe CW4BillT answer a few questions about this whole “Private Military Company” deal.

1. Are contractors really so cost efficient that they replace two divisions (let’s say a division is 15,000 men)?

2. Do contractors really make $400 a day or about $140,000 per year? I am sure rotor wing pilots like BillT would be paid a higher amount because of his skills. Is this $400 a day net take-home pay?

3. Do contractors die in higher numbers than their military counterparts thus, justify being highly paid?

4. Do contractors depend on the military when they get into a jam?

at BlackFive about Contractors and some of the posts said they can make as high as $1000 per day (or $365k per year). That sound very good. Here is a sample post by LPierson:

I have been on the "been ther done that" tour with Dyncorp as PSD in Afganistan, and with another "PMC/PSC" as an exec. My recommendation: be VERY selective as well as inquire directly to some of these outfits.

There are some outfits that are doing very good work direct with DOD and DOS and are outside the wire A LOT. There are some outfits that are outside the wire and should not be, hence the comment from the good Sergeant regarding arrogant hammerheads etc. The entitlement mentality that exits over on the PMC blogosphere rates right up there with "undocumented workers," those people need to be ignored.

Most of the guys I worked with were down to earth and candid enough about what they do and how much they get paid, average around 400.00US a day, thats what I got. Even though guys were making tremendous money, in the long run it is less expensive for Uncle Sugar use folks like BW or TC or Dyncorp than to stand-up two more divisions. I am a retired SF guy and all the regular benfits one expects from normal employment did not apply to me, thus the decrease in overall cost for the services rendered.

Gee, it only took fifteen minutes to get to 0:12 (%$#@! dialup). Good news is that they're running FiOS lines in the neighborhood, so they should get to stately Tuttle Manor about two days after I leave for Iraq.

Yup, but it'll be later -- I'm just shutting down after a 22-hour day.

Prolly do a separate post on it. Pierson's right about being *very* selective in your choice of employers. Unfortunately, there are some fly-by-nighters out there that cause everybody to get splattered with the tarbrush when things turn sour.

Timothy, won't do you any good when that one round arrives from over the horizon, and blows you and yer squad to tiny subatomic Irish particles, aka Smithereens. When dying, you won't even have the slight consolation that yer enemies will suffer PTSD from looking upon the splatter they've inflicted upon you, as they will have been, as I mentioned, over the horizon, and only know about the tremendous execution they have done from secondhand reports.

Artillerymen are the cold-blooded badasses. It's inherent in the nature of the weapon.

Hey, Justthisguy, I've known a few cannoncockers and no malice was perceived. Gotta admit that being in the 5" mount (I was a Coastie 68-70) and getting to shoot the sucker was a gas, though operating the Ma Deuce was up and personal, comparatively speaking,and more fun. I like to see what I'm shooting at get hit.

Which reminds me; Rule #3: You MUST have a gun before getting into a gunfight.

John, pixeltcat41144@peoplepc.com And, have you read any of John Ringo's SF or contempfic? In his SF series the arty really gets to it. Not to mention a 16" mobile artillery piece (see the pic in the 4th book) whose exploits are a joy to read.

January 7, 2008

Fighters or C-130's?

John, Dusty;

This was sent from an aspiring young man who wanted to become a pilot ... a fighter pilot. The response was hilarious and would probably apply to some airline jobs ... especially a few freight dog jobs that see misfit pilots flying all over the world. Anyway, read and enjoy.
Mike

Sir:

I am D. J. Baker and I would appreciate it if you could tell me what it takes to be an F-16 fighter pilot in the USAF. What classes should I take in high school to help the career I want to take later in life? What could I do to get into the Air Force Academy?

Sincerely,

DJ Baker
*********************************************

From: Van Wickler, Kenneth, Lt Col , HQ AETC

Anybody in our outfit want to help this poor kid from Cyberspace?

LTC Wickler
**********************************************

A worldly and jaded C 130 pilot, Major Hunter Mills, rises to the task of answering the young man's letter.
**********************************************

Dear DJ,

Obviously, through no fault of your own, your young, impressionable brain has been poisoned by the superfluous, hyped-up, "Top Gun" media portrayal of fighter pilots.

Unfortunately, this portrayal could not be further from the truth. In my experience, I've found most fighter pilots pompous, backstabbing, momma's boys with inferiority complexes, as well as being extremely over-rated aeronautically. However, rather than dash your budding dreams of becoming a USAF pilot, I offer the following alternative:

What you really want to aspire to is the exciting, challenging and rewarding world of TACTICAL AIRLIFT. And this, young DJ, means one thing, the venerable workhorse, the C-130! I can guarantee no fighter pilot can brag that he has led a 12-ship formation down a valley at 300 feet above the ground, with the navigator leading the way and trying to interpret an alternate route to the drop zone, avoiding pop-up threats, and coordinating with AWACS, all while eating a box lunch with the engineer in the back relieving himself and the loadmaster puking in his trash can!

I tell you DJ, TAC Airlift is where it's at! Where else is it legal to throw tanks, HUMV's, and other crap out the back of an airplane, and not even worry about it when the chute doesn't open and it torpedoes the General's staff car! Nowhere else can you land on a 3000 foot dirt strip, kick a bunch of ammo and stuff out on the ramp without stopping, then takeoff again before range control can call to tell you that you've landed on the wrong LZ! And talk about exotic travel; when C-130s go somewhere, they GO somewhere (usually for 3 months, unfortunately). This gives you the opportunity to immerse yourself in the local culture long enough to give the locals a bad taste in their mouths regarding the USAF and Americans in
general, not something those C-141 Stratolifter pilots can do from their airport hotel rooms!

As far as recommendations for your course of study, I offer these:

1. Take a lot of math courses. You'll need all the advanced math skills you can muster to enable you to calculate per diem rates around the world, and when trying to split up the crew's bar tab so that the co-pilot really believes he owes 85% of the whole thing and the navigator believes he owes the other 20%.

2. Health sciences are important, too. You will need a thorough knowledge of biology to make those educated guesses of how much longer you can drink beer before the tremendous case of the G.I.'s catches up to you from that meal you ate at the place that had the really good belly dancers in some God-forsaken foreign country whose name you can't even pronounce.

3. Social studies are also beneficial. It is important for a good TAC Airlifter to have the cultural knowledge to be able to ascertain the exact location of the nearest topless bar in any country in the world, then be able to convince the local authorities to release the loadmaster after he offends every sensibility of the local religion and culture.

4. A foreign language is helpful but no t required. You will never be able to pronounce the names of the NAVAIDs in France , and it's much easier to ignore them and to go where you want to anyway. As a rule of thumb: waiters and bellhops in France are always called " Pierre ", in Spain it's "Hey, Pedro" and in Italy , of course, it's "Mario". These terms of address also serve in other countries interchangeably, depending on the level of suaveness of the addressee.

5. A study of geography is paramount. You will need to know the basic location of all the places you've been when you get back from your TDY and are ready to stick those little pins in that huge world map you've got taped to your living room wall, right next to the giant wooden giraffe statue and beer stein collection.

Well, DJ, I hope this little note inspires you. And by the way, forget about the Academy thing. All TAC Airlifters know that there are waaay too few women and too little alcohol there to provide a well-balanced education. A nice, big state college or the Naval Academy would be a much better choice.

I've found most fighter pilots pompous, backstabbing, momma's boys with inferiority complexes, as well as being extremely over-rated aeronautically.

BUWAHAHAHAHAHAA...
Of course, I haven't met too many pilots- fighter pilots or not- who weren't somewhat pompous. Got to be in order to take on that job. Kinda like being a cop and not being somewhat of a bully.

Well, I've known (and still know) a lot of fighter jocks and I must say that most do live down to the aforementioned stereotype. However, when it comes to the troops charged with caring, feeding and arming their high-tech metal steeds, they are usually very generous with their beer, so we learned to ignore the personality flaws...er. quirks.

by Oldloadr on January 7, 2008 11:25 AM

Hey! I was a cop, once!

And your point is.....???

For what it's worth, my Granddaddy was the Chief of Police in a small town, and 1SG Keith did a stint as a cop too.

by AFSister on January 7, 2008 12:31 PM

I am *not* a bully, and you better not call me one, or I'll... I'll... oh. Never mind.

I'm sure that The Armorer is a very sweet, sensitive, and artistic bully.

No, really, there are actually some people who need their asses kicked, just to get their attention. As I've often said, the problem is not police brutality, but police stupidity. That is, I don't want Officer Safety to mistake me for one of those people and draw the taser, when just frowning at me and talking loudly would work just fine.

Oh, that reminds me: In a book about the Hercules I read years ago, there was mention of an aerobatic team of C-130s, called "The Four Horsemen." They did airshows and such. It strikes me that one of those could pull some respectable multiple of g, when empty. I'd love to see film of one of their shows. Like hippopotamus ballet, or something.

Heehee heee hee....
Boy, I got all the pilots in a tizzy.
Thing is, you can't look at being a "somewhat pompous" pilot or "bit of a bully" cop as a bad thing. It seriously does take a bit of attitude to take on either job.

by AFSister on January 8, 2008 11:25 AM

Boy, I got all the pilots in a tizzy.

All *one* of 'em? Dusty was the only pilot who showed, and I'd say he was more snitted than tizzied.

Gotta love ya all.
This was sent to me by my best bud, a retired AA Captain who spent his last decade with them on great "new shit" stuff even tho' had no degrees from anybody. Proving capabilities over-rule formalities.
Said friend is now earning $1,000 a day for flying used planes from one point to another.
We mutually have many buds who have done things from flying Alaskan pipeline missions in the 70's, Alaskan Salmon runs and Electra Cargo flites in 70's Zaire (ever eat monkey knuckles?).
Only one fighter pilot, F-100's in 'Nam, and he became an AA Captain/Chief Pilot.
Cargo rules!

A Castle Public Service...

...for those of you attending Celebratory Functions (if you don't know what *that* means, you've had too much egg salad) tonight. When the small talk dies down (as it inevitably does around 0345), you can crank up the frivolity with:

A blonde goes into a store and sees a shiny object. She asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"

Chandeliers! Getcher party chandeliers! With or without restraints, grappling hooks, choklit guns, marshmallow launchers, leather interiors, and patented PurrMode(tm)! Floor-mounted safety chandeliers for the young or timid also available. Order before 11pm Eastern and get a free confetti dispenser!

by Itinerant Chandelier Peddler on December 31, 2007 2:21 PM

I've heard of Ocean's Eleven, but Maggie's Twelve?

Okay, what are we knocking off? And who's playing the Ella Fitzgerald?

(Maggie: He ain't the only one... Heard that the Marines are looking to knock the Navy off of that pedestal you've got 'em on...)

Souffle's will land in the clearly marked landing zone. Please nom souffle and clear area for the next Denizen(ne). Standing in the center with your mouth open is NOT ALLOWED, this means you NEFFI! Seconds, thirds, etc. are perfectly all right and this is a *negative* calorie recipie. Happy New Year from BCR Labs!
*pooooof*
*poooooof*

Jake! Scout! Muffy! Hit the oubliette for the wet-vac! Gaby! Drop the stuffed marmoset and grab the trash bags!

Geez, only four of 'em and they trashed the place -- squished chocolate soufflés in the tapestries, whipped cream and margarita juice dripping from the chandelier and the beanbag chairs are now futons!

You are students. This means you are supposed to learn things. Read this and learn it.

There will be a test. There are only two grades…”win”, or “lose”.

Come back with your shield, or on it.

I.M. Mean
General
Soldier in Chief

The rest is in the Flash Traffic/Extended Entry - including a link to a .pdf version you can send to all your friends [Wait! Don't do that! Send them a link to the post, so they'll come here to get it and I'll get all that traffic! Yeah! That's the ticket!]!!!

Update: Just to be clear (because it wasn't) I'm *not* the author of this FM. I *wish* I was, and I do work for Fort Leavenworth, but I didn't do this piece. This came to me in an email blast, and no one has fingered the author yet. Which might be on purpose... -the Armorer)

1. The world is full of bad people. Mind you, not everyone is bad, but there are enough of them out there that we have to arm ourselves. Over the years, we’ve done a pretty good job of that. When the bad people scare us or hurt us, we have to whack them. This is hard, because you want to try and whack the bad people where they live and not where we live. Naturally, the bad people don’t want to get whacked, and they feel pretty smug because we aren’t mean enough to whack all of them at once. So we have to go over to where they live and whack them carefully. That’s why we have an Army and not just a Navy and an Air Force with trillions of dollars worth of super weapons. We don’t get such expensive weapons, because we break them a lot more rapidly. Even worse, the bad people can get close enough that they can whack Soldiers even though they get whacked a lot more.

2. Whacking bad people is dangerous. It’s also hard. It’s easier and safer to whack the bad people if you do it from the air or the ocean. That’s because the bad people can’t afford the super weapons that do stuff from there. That’s why we have to be nice to the Navy and Air Force; so they will whack bad people with great enthusiasm. Unfortunately, sometimes the Navy and Air Force get too enthusiastic at whacking people and they hurt Army Soldiers and other not so bad people that ended up in the wrong place. That’s why we have to spend a lot of effort telling them where we are and what we need them to do. We also try to stay out of their way when they are too busy whacking cities and countries and stuff. We also have to do a lot of explaining to civilian bureaucrats about what they need to do to clean up after the bad people get whacked. This is called “unified action” but it’s really like going over to the neighbors to apologize for breaking their window.

3. What makes this really hard is sorting out the not so bad people from the bad people. We try to whack the bad guys and miss the good guys. Of course, the not so bad people are all upset that we are over there whacking people. They want us to go back to where we live and leave them alone, unless the bad people are whacking them as well. They tend to go postal unless we help them keep their families alive and well. The best way to do that is to let their politicians and police do it while they stay out of our way. Unfortunately, their politicians and police screw this up a lot so we have to take time out from whacking the bad guys (or tricking the Air Force and Navy into doing that) and help out the not so bad people around us. Even though they won’t like us, sometimes they help us to find the bad people. This also helps us calm down the Air Force guys who would whack everybody at once. This is called “full spectrum operations.”

4. Even though we don’t get the super weapons that the Air Force and Navy get, we still have a lot of stuff and Soldiers. This is called “combat power.” None of this stuff is worth a nickel if somebody isn’t in charge. Hopefully they know what they are doing. When they do, it’s called leadership and it’s really important because most Soldiers just want somebody intelligent to take charge and get them back home in one piece. Inside the Army, we squabble about which part of the Army gets the most stuff. After a while, some really important general comes down and tells us to knock it off and “cooperate”. If we don’t, the bad people will whack us and even the Air Force won’t be able to bail us out. This is called “combined arms.”

5. The Army has a lot of processes that it is still trying to figure out. Don’t worry about these things. Just be happy if somebody actually gets you an order that you can understand in time for you to do something about it. If not, at least you can blame the higher headquarters. Most of the time, Soldiers are happy if they get fed, occasionally get some sleep and a shower and things aren’t too SNAFU. Soldiers also tend to be lazy unless they are motivated. This is “battle command.”

6. Really important generals are Soldiers too. They just get less sleep than the ordinary Soldiers. They have to try and figure out how to straighten out the big mess that all the politicians made. At the same time they have to decide how to whack the bad people and keep the not so bad people from going postal. If they do a good job, they get sent to the Pentagon. You don’t want to be one of them. This is called “operational art.”

7. Dealing with information is hard. The bad people don’t play by the rules and they lie… a lot. One screw-up on our part and all the not so bad people get all upset because the bad people make a big deal about it. We need to spend a lot of time telling the not so bad people why we are different than the really bad people. Usually they don’t get it. Meanwhile the media people are busy trying to uncover the giant government conspiracy that we are supposed to be running. Also every hacker and pedophile out there is trying to screw up our computers and radios. This makes it really hard. Meanwhile the Air Force and Navy are wondering what’s wrong, since it’s not so hard for them. Once in a while, somebody on our side figures out what we should be doing. This is called “knowledge Management.”

The End

Glossary

Bad People: People that need whacking.

Battle Command: Motivating Soldiers with a cigar in your mouth.

Combined Arms: Using all of your combat power at once and surviving it.

Full Spectrum Operations: Careful whacking combined with lots of explaining.

Operational Art: Getting the Air Force or Navy to deal with the bad people before Soldiers have to.

Not so bad people: Anybody in the area of operations that is not a bad person or a Soldier.

SNAFU: A Twentieth Century term for land operations.

Soldier: Individual speaking in expletives and wearing cool-looking digital camouflage that doesn’t blend in with anything.

Unified Action: The opposite of SNAFU

Whacking: The redistribution or impairment of biological functions intended to eliminate intercellular cooperation within a sentient organism.

1.Where and when do the officers go for their "cranial-rectal extractions?"

2. When picking an op-tempo choose either fast or slow, but under no circumstances choose "half-fast!"

Grumpy

by Grumpy on December 28, 2007 1:55 PM

Sometimes, not so bad people accidentally get whacked. More often, some not so bad people claim their cousin got whacked, or their goats got whacked. So we give them a lot of money. This is called "Civil Affairs".

Also, sometimes people in suits don't give us money to give to not so bad people who got whacked or claim their cousin got whacked or whose goat stepped on one of Saddam's old landmines. These people are called "Democrats". They need whacked.

by Herr Morgenholz on December 29, 2007 11:31 AM

I agree: Colonel Peters would definitely approve. And as a U.S. Army combat veteran of Vietnam, I approve!

by Chuckie B. on December 29, 2007 11:40 AM

I sent the link on to my good friend who is opposed to the war but serves on the state Draft Board.

Did Dave the FA Guy write or illistrate this? It looks like the drawings from the famous SSO slide show...

Thanks

MM

by CI Guy on December 29, 2007 1:12 PM

The best of good whacking: Manuals for dummies including apologizing, missionary positions, and jedi knights. I'm assuming the story about the military dogs' service in operations will be covered in an appendaged version entitled Pepper Squad. Believe me when I say, I love it AS IS!

Excellent, but doesn't mention the Marines. I guess that means if all else fails, break glass only in case of emergency.

by bomdfuzr on December 29, 2007 2:25 PM

CI Guy - Don't remember Dave the FA Guy, but if you're thinking of Travis Patriquin's "How to Win In Al Anbar", he of course was killed just over a year ago, God rest his soul.

by @thepointyend on December 29, 2007 2:47 PM

Effing hilarious! I sent it to my friend a sergeant major in Iraq.

by old guy on December 29, 2007 3:02 PM

Sgt. Grumpy, Please tell me, are you suggesting that this is something remotely like "common sense?" If ro, I fully agree. You might want to contact JAG, we would to make sure this is UCMJ compliant. I fully agree with ALL of the commenters.

I am not you. I am just a "Grumpy old disabled Vet"

Grumpy

by Grumpy on December 29, 2007 4:18 PM

Love you and Blackfive - excellent post/fm edition. Vet from the '80's - no combat. Love you guys and support you all!

I don't usually leave contact info because I might be seen as unpatriotic by leaving anti-government comments and I used to get a lot of hate mail for speaking my mind.

Peace!

by Samir on December 29, 2007 9:23 PM

You forgot a group of awesome men and women that whack major bad dude butt. Civies know them as Marines.

by MarineWife on December 29, 2007 9:45 PM

As with all good humor, it has more than a little bit of truth behind it.

The reason that Marines are not explicitly mentioned, is because they always adopt whatever they like from the Army, so they are mentioned by default.

"The Marines are all right, been following the Army's lead for 231 years now." (Quoting myself)

by overkill on December 30, 2007 12:59 AM

The Marines are elite. Army's lead? LOL
Then tell me "why" Ft. Knox, an Army fort, is guarded by Marines?
I think you'd better re-think the arrogant statement of the Army leading the way.
Marines are "first to fight", not the Army. Right now in Iraq, the Marines have had the hardest fighting, but yet the least casualties.

by USMC ol' timer on December 30, 2007 3:45 AM

Hey, I like the Army. We're on the same side.
The USMC just had their 232 birthday, not the 231st.

Well Done. Approved for promulgation. Now us dumb ole Navy types can actually understand what all that fuss is about.

Back to my casualty drills. Gotta spend my time practicing fires and floodings. You Army guys get all the credit for winning. We'll take all the dames.

Good post, John. I loved it.

Subsunk

by Subsunk on December 30, 2007 5:13 AM

How can a post about a comic version of an FM (Field Manual)degrade into discussion about how great my service (that is not the ARMY) is?

Believe me the USMC gets enough face time without someone whining because a fake FM doesn't mention them...good grief get over yourself.

Whoever did that PUB did an outstanding job...funny stuff. THANKS FOR THE LINK TO THE PDF!

Now to stir the pot, President Harry S. Truman said this about the USMC; "The Marine Corps is the Navy's police force and as long as I am President that is what it will remain. They have a propaganda machine that is almost equal to Stalin's."

Fabulous FM! when common sense has had its perimeter breached by acronyms so some desk jocky in D.C. or Fobbit in Iraq gets his medal for being on the forward edge on the Global War on Terrorism by word mixing, this is an added relief! As far as whether the FM using soldier or Marine, sailor, or Fly boy, its all symantics to me. One team, One fight. I pulled trigger next to a Soldier and Navy corpsman in Iraq and it didn't matter as long as it was an American next to me making the enemy deader, and i got home to eat moms' apple-pie. Besides in the end, your bugler standing over your grave playing TAPS is going to sound like my bugler standing over mine playing TAPS.

Good read! keep up the sanity check men!

---The Gunny---

by Rambo was Really a Marine on December 30, 2007 10:07 PM

Great post "Rambo was really was a Marine", or should I say "The Gunny".

The only reason I got over-exuberant, I've had a friend for a few years now bragging up the Army and putting down the Marines. For the most part I blew him off, but the other day it rubbed me the wrong way on something he said. He got an ear full, and so did y'all. For that I apologize.

by USMC ol' timer on December 30, 2007 11:42 PM

The Marines were included. Aren't they part of the Navy? I mean the Navy is really cool. It has ships. Its own air force and its own ground pounders. Plus submarines. One stop shopping.

Marines: Soldiers who are part of the Navy. Whack the same bad people in the same way as Army soldiers.

The difference between Marines and Army soldiers: Marines speak a different language from Army soldiers. They get upset if you don't use their language speaking to them or about them. Whatever you say, however you say it, will be wrong. Don't worry about this. Whoever is on the scene, Marines or Army, gets first dibs on whacking the bad people. Whacking bad people is good, and makes Marines less cranky.

Semper Fi: Marine for "Hooah"

by julie on January 2, 2008 2:19 AM

(Note: Substitute following in Marine edition of manual)

Army: Soldiers who are not part of the Corps. Whack the same bad people in the same way as the Marines.

The difference between Army soldiers and Marines: Army soldiers don't know the right terminology as delivered to Good Marines in boot camp and beyond by the Corps. Things you were punished for saying they will say in ignorance. Some of them will try hard, but they did not have the loving tutelage of the Corps and will say it wrong. Be patient with them. Whoever is on the scene, Marines or Army, gets first dibs on whacking the bad people. Whacking bad people is good, and makes Army soldiers less cranky.

Hooah: What Army soldiers say instead of Semper Fi.

by Julie on January 2, 2008 11:06 AM

The inevitable end:
O.K. lets all agree to just disagree and stop this frivilous blue on blue fire-fight. Lets rack it up as follows: The rules:

Got it? you to old timers we might need you someday to help follow through on rules 1-10, and get back to whacking like you came through before during your time (Thanks by the way!!!) I just want everyone ready to whack! We don't need verbal firefights here, mean looks never whacked anyone.

December 27, 2007

What I Wanted for Christmas

Last year, many of us went to Santa's Gun Shop, and got to ask for our favorite things for Christmas. Well, this year I didn't forget. I sat on The Old Elf's knee again and asked for a Kitty-Corner-Shot-Rifle®.

To my dismay, on Christmas Morn' there wasn't any Kitty-Corner-Shot-Rifle® under the tree. Only the usual boring socks and shirts were awaiting for me.

Knowing that Mr. & Mrs. Kringle are great 2nd Amendment Supporters, I knew that it wasn't out of fear that I would poke my eye out, that I didn't get my Kitty-Corner-Shot-Rifle®. Then I remembered, that in order to hedge my bets, I also went to The Three Kings' Tent and put in the good word to Melchior for a Kitty-Corner-Shot-Rifle®. Mr. Clause and Melchior always cross reference their "Nice" Lists in order not to double-up gifts. I'm sure that my Kitty-Corner-Shot-Rifle® is packed into one of them camels, and is on its way in from the orient. How do I know? Well, every evening when I look at the Western Sky I see them, I see them; Melchior, Gazpar and Baltazar riding high in the sky bringing gifts to good children everywhere.

Yippieee! I better get grass clippings ready for the camels, along with cookies and cream for The Three Kings. Because come The Feast of the Epiphany (a.k.a. The 12th day of Christmas {as in The 6th of January}), I shall get my Kitty-Corner-Shot-Rifle®.

December 26, 2007

'Twas the Day After Christmas

And another Vulture joins the List Of Infrequent Contributors with this tale of wintery woe:

One winter morning, a husband and wife in northern Colorado were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later, while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week, they were again having breakfast, when the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park..." Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied, "Considering the amount of snow they're expecting, I doubt it'll make much difference. Why don't you just leave it in the garage?"

As I recall though, we distracted Bill for several days with the mystery of EGG SALAD.
I believe FBL could attest to that as well.

And John, HF6 is a strawberry blonde.

by Carrie on December 27, 2007 7:14 AM

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - given that you are blind - that you should know five things:
1) the bartender is a blonde girl,
2) the bouncer is a blonde girl,
3) I'm a 6 feet tall, 180-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate,
4) the woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter,
5) the lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah. Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

December 24, 2007

Ya better watch out - Brass coming to visit!

Reference: Operation Order 12-15-07 for: Official Visit of Lieutenant General Santa Claus

1. An official staff visit by Lieutenant General Claus is expected at your house on 25 December. The following directives govern activities of all soldiers during the visit.

a. Not a creature will stir without permission. This includes warrant officers and mice. Soldiers may obtain special stirring permits for necessary administrative action through the Battalion S-. Officer stirring permits must be obtained through the Deputy, Post Plans and Policy Office.

b. All personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap NLT 2200, 24 December. Uniform for the nap will be: Pajamas, Cotton, Light Weight, General Purpose, ACU pattern, and Cap, Elf, Woodland Pattern w/White Fur Trim and Ball. Wear of the beret is not authorized. Equipment will be drawn from the supply room prior to 2130. While at supply, all personnel will review their personal hand receipts and sign a Cash Collection Voucher, DD Form 1131, for all missing items. Remember, this is the "season of giving."

c. Personnel will utilize standard "MRE" ration sugar plums for visions to dance through their heads. Sugar plums are available in "MRE" ration sundry packs and should be eaten with egg loaf, chopped ham, and spice cake to ensure maximum visions are experienced.

d. Stockings, Wool, Cushion Sole, will be hung by the chimneys with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fires caused by carelessly hung stockings. First Sergeants will submit stocking handling plans to S-3, Training prior to 0800, 24 December. All Platoon Sergeants will ensure their subordinate personnel are briefed on the safety aspects of stocking hanging.

e. Upon first indications of clatter, all personnel will spring from their bunks to investigate and evaluate the cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open the shutters and throw up the window sashes. On order OPLAN 7-2006 (North Pole), paragraph 6-8 (c)(3), dated 4 March, this office, takes effect to facilitate shutter tearing and sash throwing. Non-Commissioned Officers will be familiar with procedures and are responsible for seeing that no shutters are torn or sashes thrown in house prior to the start of official clatter.

f. Prior to 0001, date of visit, all personnel possessing Night Vision Devices will be assigned "wandering eyeball" stations. The CompanyBattery/Troop First Sergeants will ensure that these stations are adequately manned even after shutters are torn and sashes are thrown.

g. The Battalion S-4, in coordination with the National Security Agency and the Motor Pool will assign one each Sleigh, Miniature, M-24 and eight reindeer, tiny, for use by Lieutenant General Claus. The assigned driver must have a current sleigh operator's license with roof top endorsement and evidence of attendance at the winter driving class stamped on his DA Form 348. Driver must also be able to clearly shout "On Dancer, On Dasher, etc." Under no circumstances will CW4(r) Tuttle be assigned the duty, due to a special drective from ANGCOM.

2. Lieutenant General Claus will initially enter house through the Company/Battery/Troop Dayroom.

a. All houses without chimneys will draw Simulator,Chimney, M6A2 for use during the visit. Draw chimney simulator on DA Form 2765-1, which will be submitted in four copies to the S-4 prior to 23 24 December. Personnel will ensure that chimneys are properly cleaned before turn-in at the conclusion of visit.

3. All Non-Commissioned Officers will be rehearsed in the shouting of "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year" or "Merry Christmas To All and To All a Good Night." This shout will be given upon termination of the visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of each Company/Battery/Troop First Sergeant.

December 13, 2007

Hey! Wi-fi! I can post while getting coffee!

Castle Argghhh! brings you Day Three of our Living History Event, “1850’s Kansas!” Or, “How I learned to appreciate electrons spilling from that thingy in the wall.” More accurately named, “Living in a chilly world lit only by fire, except when at the office.”

Oh, and there’s that problem that at least with an *actual* 1850’s Kansas house, it was built to maximize the benefits of the fire (yeah, sometimes *too* well) whereas the 1970’s simulacrum we’re using… isn’t.

The one thing *all* of my compatriots participating in this Living History event agree on… the thing that sux the most is… no coffee that first day, if you were unprepared (as we were) for that eventuality.

I’ve got it easy. The office is open, so I go to work, where there’s light, internet access, heat… and coffee.

Me, I get fire duty at night, which is fine, since I don’t sleep worth a fiddle because my CPAP doesn’t work well sans electricity. So, since I’m up - a lot - I keep an eye on the fire.

The one thing all of my compadres-in-flickering-light agree on is… coffee. SWWBO made it clear yesterday that if I didn’t produce a coffee-making miracle, to not bother coming home last night. I ended up driving 20 miles away before I found a place (Cabelas) that had any stoves, much less old-timey coffee pots. Or propane. Or batteries, for that matter. But that’s not as much fun as my buddy with the $40,000.00 coffee grinder. It’s largish, in fact, it looks a lot like a pickup truck. But it has an ac/dc converter in it… and so that big old diesel was fired up to grind coffee… Hmmmmm. Ac/dc converter for the truck… (scribble).

I was successful.

On the drive home, the Ur-Armorer came out. Driving out Eisenhower, past all the snug, warm homes with Christmas lights ablazin’, my Inner-Grendel awoke, muttering darkly at those strange creatures in their strangely bright surroundings.

Moving farther out, I found “my people,” the Morlocks, flickery shadow-beings in dimly-perceived structures, with flickering, red light casting eerie dancing shadows, as they huddle around the communal fire.

Heh. Move from the oasis of lights into the abyss and something else happens… the fog. Only it isn’t fog – its wood smoke. Talk about 1850’s Kansas… or London. Well, in London it would have been coal-smoke.

Turning north I passed by some more islands of Eloi, before plunging back into the Morlock demesne. Then, head west again, and find little groupings of Eloi, with their thrice-damned Christmas lights ruining my Morlock-vision before plunging back into the realm of darkness, and its huddled denizens. Here and there you’d see proto-Eloi, with a single room illuminated; watching TV while the little generator out back made a racket – a racket disturbing to the ears of us Morlocks. My inner-Grendel howled at the heartless stars above the leaden clouds!

Motoring on north again, we approach the Demesne of Argghhh! still in Morlock-thrall. But wait- there’s a difference this night. There’s a line of light on the horizon… only a half-mile away, once-worthy Morlocks have sold their souls to the Electric Demon and have regained Eloi status! Rage burns in a sullen breast.

Two other things. 1. Will Sell Rent Soul For Electricity, Wanna Be An Eloi Again! 2. Writer’s strike? Who cares?

Of course, it could be worse, much worse. I could have lights, heat, hot chow... and people shooting at me or trying to blow me up. So, all in all, we're doing fine living in our little Living History event of "1850's Kansas!"

Oh, and the utility tells us, two more days if we're lucky, 4 if we're not.

Feh.

Oh - it really *is* pretty. However, once this stuff starts melting... look for local flooding! Which *we* being on top of the ridge that is the highest ground in the county... are pretty much safe from.

We went about 2 days without power. My neighbor and I ended up cutting a tree that took down the power line in the dark.

We figured, correctly, that with no power to the line we could speed up the process by cutting the obstacles to that progress.

Ever cut tree's with a chainsaw with power lines on the ground?
It's an unnerving experience to say the least.

But we got power back sooner, so sayeth the Co-Op.

Backflow valve on the water kept the pipes from freezing out, and I made a freeze break in pipe lines to be safe just in case.

If I can help during your adventure let me know. Last years ice storm I picked up a small propane heater that uses the Coleman canisters, but I rigged an adapter with the help of the local propane company to hook a 20 lb Grill tank to it instead. Gave it 6 feet of hose to keep the heater away from the tank. Sucker will almost heat the whole house.

Oil Lamps are handy too. Learned that living in Florida in Hurricane season years ago.

Guys, you know that you have a friendly just down the road in Topeka, right? Seriously. Give me a call if you guys get tired of camping out.

I have beds, electricity, heat and tea. Coffee is available with a single stop across the street at my mom's.

by Karla (threadbndr) on December 13, 2007 11:32 AM

Karla... we actually still have the house in town that we haven't yet sold or rented, we're covered in that regard.

We'd still have to hit the Castle twice a day to care for the horses and birds - but thanks!

BS - we're fine on the water pipes. The warmest part of the house is the basement, thanks to the water heater. I've got thermometers along the pipes on the wall, just to keep on eye on things. And the plumbing is set up for it should I need to "freeze-protect" things.

It's not quite as hard as I make it seem. It just reads better that way... I learned that from the MSM...

John - On your list of things to have before next winter: You should invest in an Iron insert for your fireplace. They get hotter and are much more controllable so your wood lasts longer. You can get them with glass doors so you can still watch the pretty flames.

by Oldloadr on December 13, 2007 1:31 PM

Heh. I feel for you. We were only out for a day and I thought we were going to have panic mode because we have no fire place, nor generator, nor any other source of heat or power for the house. And all the hotels were booked in the area.

Fortunately, I had kept the house pretty warm the last few days so it stayed above sixty for most of the time we were out.

Still, kept me from posting for a day or two since we had to run around and try removing some of the tree limbs around the house. Not only lack of power as a problem, but all those pretty trees in the summer that make great shade, make really carppy roof bangers in the winter.

Lehman's Non-Electric catalog. They are in Ohio.
All kinds of Nifty Non Electic Kewl Stuff. Some of it is way overpriced, such as the umbrella clothes dryers (200 at Lehman's, 30.00 at the local hardware store, but I digress), but you will find coffee percolators that work on wood burning stoves or fireplaces.

They sell to the Amish and homesteading community.

by Cricket on December 13, 2007 2:22 PM

For the coffee a french press works great. Get a polycarb version that is unbreakable so you can take it camping. As long as you can boil water, you've got great coffee. Better than the old fashion percolators we used to camp with.

by Ryan on December 13, 2007 2:42 PM

ry is right on the French Press. We found a stainless steel one we keep in the camper.

by Oldloadr on December 13, 2007 4:24 PM

Heck,

Not only can I make coffee without power, I can roast it as well - gotta have your priorities in order.

Told ya, ya shoulda invested more time, effort and money into historical re-enactment societies. Civil War or even better, the SCA and you would be nice, warm and comfy.... Something to consider when the apocalypse occurs. /snark off

by Kevin on December 13, 2007 8:13 PM

Just glad that the new homestead is holding out okay, even without power.

Echo that on the french press. I sent one to my cousin, Tori, in Iraq, along with a grinder, coffee beans, and chocolate syrup to make mocha's. She said it's working great. I got them from Starbucks for about $30.00.

by AFSister on December 13, 2007 9:43 PM

The French press thing wasn't me. I don't drink coffee. We've got a new commentor around here. (Maybe including the URL as part of my ID will clear up future confusion.)

MacGyver has inverters and, when the power went out after the earthquake last year, they did a great job powering up my Coleman electric cooler and kept our milk cold until we could drink it as well as keeping my cell phone charged.

When the mini-hurricane blew through last week, they were pressed into service yet again and worked well to insure that MacGyver had coffee (he was given a French press for Christmas last year and it took all of 4 days before he shattered the carafe...grr...) and that my cell phone stayed charged.

We also make sure there is propane in the grill tank, plenty of white gas for the camping stoves, and fuel for the generator. My daddy didn't raise a fuel. Chalk this one up to a learning experience. At least now I know what to get you for Christmas!

Yeah me too. As the cold darkness descents, here at Fairbanks, and my efforts go to performing the ancient and arcane rituals needed to ensure that the sun will once again dominate our day (no thanks needed, just my job), my biological clock takes over and causes no limit of chaos.

Seriously though, heat, light, and radio are real big priorities. If the modern stuff doesn't work think back a hundred years or so to what did and make that your backup. Someone once said that once is an accident and twice is enemy action, or was that if it happens once it'll happen again, something like that anyway. Having an old fashioned wired phone instead of a modern cordless as backup is a real good start. You already have a fireplace, perhaps consider modifying it so that you can use it as primary heat (though still as backup, mine uses three 18 inch logs, is good for 4-5 hours and will get this place up to 90+ degrees at -50 outside).

by Rod Thorsen on December 14, 2007 3:38 AM

Oh, don't have coyotes since leaving the PRC. My nearest neighbors are now Mama Moose and her calf. They winter in the trees about 50 feet from here. We've come to an understanding, I stay away from her calf and she will only eye me warily. I do have to warn visitors tho. The cats go crazy as they wonder around helping keep the yard clear.

by Rod Thorsen on December 14, 2007 3:48 AM

ry - I figured that out after my post was up; that it was Ryan and not ry (I must have been running on paradigm).

by Oldloadr on December 14, 2007 5:24 AM

French press? Hah! You want coffee just like the coffee you get from your favorite electric drip coffee maker?

Get a drip-o-lator. Greatest invention ever. It has three parts; a bottom where the coffee congregates after it's made, a middle where you put the coffee (and coffee filter) and a top with graduation marks to make as much, or as little coffee, as you like depending on how much water you use.

There's no fuss, no muss and clean-up is a breeze, unlike the French press thingies.

Fortunately we were powerless for less than five hours at my place. A kerosene lamp, a couple of candles strategically placed and a propane heater along with two dogs that had to be on my lap the entire time kept things warm.
Entertainment was provided by the electric company and mother nature. Mother nature because I was seated at my kitchen table when I heard a sound behind me. I looked around just in time to see the transformer on the pole in our alley explode. Further entertainment was had watching the electric company linemen fix said transformer.

by NevadaDailySteve on December 14, 2007 9:32 AM

Sorry for the confusion...didn't realize there was a ry posting as well. I'll use my last name when posting instead to avoid confusion (I'm being called McCoy anyways).

by Ryan McCoy on December 14, 2007 1:43 PM

And, everybody... just to make it clear... your Armorer really *does* know how to live in this situation, he just wishes he had a Yukon Stove...

December 11, 2007

Admittedly, I've been taking a mini-vacation.

Well, rather, my *Muse* has. Never fear, there are things in the works. I never realized, however, how much my ability to post relied upon true high-speed internet access vice the faux-high speed we've got via satellite. Which is still light-years better than the putative (Hi Mark!) wireless cell access and double-lights years better'n dial-up. So, while Calliope, Clio, Melpomene are all AWOL, Thalia does show up now and then.

Anyway - a Joke, via Mike L:

***************************************

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will. You might also want to reconsider if you really want to retire with your husband.

After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was likemost women--she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4.July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8.September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. October 4: Looked right into t he security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

My son did a couple of those things at Wally World and at K-Mart. He would hide behind the clothes and make snarky comments like "OW!!! You're stretching the fabric of the space-time continuum!!"

Once he put his hands over his ears during an announcement of a blue light special and told me
that he would have to get more meds, as the voices were too much.

The penultimate though, was when we were trying to get oriented to a new PX...and we were lost;
he sniped: 'Is this like the blind leading the blonde?'

Merry Christmas...

by Cricket on December 11, 2007 10:26 AM

I always love this list...

Happened to my friends family: They were at Disneyworld (parents, 4 kids; girl 17, boy 15, girl 13, boy 11. 13 year old girl had too much sun and was really tired. So they used a wheelchair to push her around the place...but NOT to hop lines, etc. So they are in the Magic Kingdom and come across Mickey Mouse walking around. 13 year old jumps out of chair and runs to hug Mickey, her favorite. 15 year old brother screams at the top of his lungs...'MY GOD!!! ITS A MIRACLE!!! SHE CAN WALK AGAIN!!! As my friend said look up hte word mortified in the dictionary and you would see his face.

December 8, 2007

A Joke! A Joke!

Because I suspect this one is really funny because deep inside, many of us, including hard corps I'll-die-before-I'll-vote-for-anyone-other-than-a-Democrat Democrats relate to this punch lineslapstick...

Denizenne AFSIS sends:

.... and the crowd shouted "HALLELUIAH!!!!"

*****************
The Pope and Hillary Rodham Clinton (HRC) are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd. "Her Majesty" and His Holiness, however, have seen it all before, so to make it a little more interesting, the senator says to the Pope, "Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every Democrat in the crowd go wild?" He doubts it, so she shows him.

Sure enough, the wave elicits rapture and cheering from every democrat in the crowd. Gradually, the cheering subsides.

The Pope, not wanting to be out done by such a level of arrogance, considers what he could do. "That was impressive. But did you know that with just one little wave of MY hand I can make EVERY person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This Joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will forever speak of this day and REJOICE."

The senator seriously doubts this, and says so. "One little wave of your hand and ALL the people will rejoice forever? Show me!!"

When I was commissioned, the commander of my ROTC region was... a woman.

When I relinquished command, I relinquished to... a woman. Oddly enough, I didn't think anything about it. And, in a twist of fate, and the way HQ units work... she became my... commander.

When I ran the Fort Sill simulation center, I took orders from... a woman.

When I was the plans, operations and training officer for the WMD Response Task Force - West, my boss was... a woman.

In my first task as a beltway bandit after I retired, I worked for... a woman.

In the third and fourth tasks as a beltway bandit, I worked for... a woman.

All of those women had input into my efficiency reports. In the military jobs, all of them had some form of legal authority over me.

Do tell me, aside from demonstrating a near-breathtaking ignorance and stereotypical bigotry, what *is* your point?

Do you really have nothing better to do?

And "take this down"? I do that a lot, do I? That's why you're banned, right, and have sneak in under aliases and stuff.

Oh, wait. You don't. Despite the somewhat pointed requests I've received to do exactly that.

I don't remove stuff often, and that usually for being egregiously off-topic or patently offensive.

I don't ban people often, either. Two that I can think of. And one of those was someone who was stalking my wife.

But again, Cliff. You're just an annoyance, with little substance and one of the most smugly smarmy schticks it's been my misfortune to run across.

And to top it off, you're not even amusing. Owen and Alan, my other somewhat regular dissenters are better informed, less smug, write better, and are funny.

You, sir, are just... tediously tendentious, and clearly unable to understand that as you have nothing new to offer in the way of argument, you should just remain silent, and be thought a fool, rather than hit those keys and remove all doubt.

Ah, wait. I get it. You are soooooooooooo clever! You are providing an object lesson via allegory about Iraq!

Since, by your lights, a majority of people in Iraq and in the US, believe we should leave, yet have not - you are going to hang around here, even though a clear majority of people find your presence tiresome and disruptive.

You win. US out of Iraq now! Disarm the Armed Forces and convert all the warships to Disaster Relief Ships and turn the Navy over to the UN for whatever purpose they deem fit! Crush all AF fighter a/c, and turn over control of remaining transport assets to the UN (with their AF crews, now UNAF crews) to the UN for whatever purposes they deem fit.

Yeah, I have a response. "tribal-loyalty level bickering" is the exclusive domain of conservatives.

Liberals by nature are not tribalist. This has been confirmed by 20 years of research by Robert Altemeyer.

So while I accept the IDEA of the quote, I refute the predicate that liberal are tribal.

The big difference between you guys and liberals (and you are not going to like this), is that liberals eschew tribal instinct and instead attempt to THINK whereas, authoritarians tend to simply look for people and information to validate their tribal doctrine.

Oh, and all - I recommend we just ignore Cliff. Perhaps he'll get bored and go away.

Cliff, you used up all your chances to actually engage. Go back to your bubble at OneUtah and have a good 'ol time, 'kay?

I'll just continue to use this space to extend my reach having policy discussions with DoD, VA, and Members of Congress and the White House staff.

Yes, when the White House changes hands next time 'round, that access will go away. The rest won't.

I get stuff done, Cliff, stuff that has precious little to do with the war, but everything to do making life better for people. Through this space, I have earned enough credit to get access and get heard.

So you may think this place is full of evil, venal, and unethical people, but it works for me.

Re the tribal discussion.
I wish people didn't always label it "tribal" when they were talking about some behaviour that was irrational. There's nothing wrong with being "tribal". To me, it's the same as being "loyal" and respecting family. People didn't always label us "tribal", they tended to use "clannish", but it had the same negative connotation. You can't save anyone until you save yourself and your own. I have no respect for people who are out there saving the world and leaving their own to suffer.
It's like in the airplane, what do they tell you? In case of emergency, put *your* mask on first. Then your children. Get my point? Would it make any sense in an emergency for you to bolt for the front of the plane and help some handicapped person 10 rows away? No. *Tribal* means taking care of your own first. If everyone did that, maybe we wouldn't need to be saving the world.

"you should go spend your time more fruitfully in other pursuits."
Now John, you shouldn't be breaking yer own Rulez- C's 'orientation' is his own business...
...and I'd use the Garand, m'self. 30.06 is a lot cheaper. Ping!

by Neffi on December 8, 2007 2:33 PM

So, JoA, when ice-breaking, did you do a quick calculation like the Vickers gunner in Cryptonomicon, and point the weapon 'way up into the air so that the bullets would come down almost vertically on the pond, or did you just point the piece at the pond in confidence the yer property is big enough, and trespassers are rare enough, that ricochets are no problem. Hmm, I wouldn't trespass there...

Really, one should try to be reasonably sure that everything he shoots comes to rest on his side of the property line, unless actually at violent bloody war with the neighbors. This also applies to nukular weppun fallout, or should. Dang Frogs, with their Tahiti nukes

Oh, I checked out about half of the internal links on that "anti-bullying" site. It did not seem to be so much about anti-bullying in a general way as it was about putting up with the so-called "diversity" in a leftish way.

It failed my litmus test; there was no mention of the bullying of auties and aspies.

Which figures, knowing that lefties encourage groupthink, and get right upset at us oldthinkers who unbellyfeel Ingsoc.

NC-17d, you are authorized to hunt "Steve" the comment-bot. ROE "whatever you can get away with" and don't forget to cover up your BCR Labs nameplate when in range of security cameras. *Somebody* forgot to latch the portcullis again ...

I care because I think of the Army-Navy Game as akin to the Super Bowl in a couple of ways. First, I hope that neither team embarrasses itself. Second, I watch at least as much for the ads as for the game. Both the Cadets and the Middies routinely produce some utterly hysterical bits of trash-talking.

by wolfwalker on December 1, 2007 9:17 PM

I'm with Jim b. To Hell With Georgia. And Tech, too!

(as our Bow-Wows rip through the air!)

Sorry, now that I think, I really am partial to the North Avenue Trade School, mean as she was to me.

Although I didn't get to watch, I was at work and listened on the Internet, so I didn't see any of the Spirit ads. The favorite Naval Consort said the Navy ones sucked and the Army ones were better. Anyone have links?

November 28, 2007

It's Time to Jump the Gun...

...on Christmas jokes.

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas in order to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle," he said. "You may pass through the Pearly Gates," Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said, "You may pass through the Pearly Gates."

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just *what* do those symbolize?"

November 16, 2007

It's Friday, time for a little lightening up.

I heartily agree with Kat's post, though - while we need to defend the troops from slander and those who would paint with a large brush - we need to spend as much time making sure we bring 'em *all* home, and by that I mean the guys and gals who've come back... but a significant part of them is still "over there."

Stress is stress. And getting help to handle it is the *right* way to go.

Now, that levity I promised...

RETIREMENT PLANNING FOR 2007

If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.

If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling refund, you would have had $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

It's called the 401-Keg Plan.

H/t CSM Larry.

Then there's *this* - here's a Non-Commissioned Officer with a weighty responsibility.

Former President George H.W. Bush, 83, the oldest living president, free falls with Sgt. 1st Class Mike Elliot at the grand reopening of the Bush Library in College Station, Texas (Texas A&M University), Nov. 10.

November 5, 2007

FOUO: Service Branch Football Playbooks

Poking through the old Boz Dufflebag O' Stuff from 2002, I discovered my copy of the Consolidated Comparative Analysis of the Service Branch Playbooks (Abridged) -- and, since Football Season snuck in through the back door while I was engaged in teaching Gaby the Junior Scruple that tunneling in the compost heap is frowned upon in these here parts, I figure it's time for it to see the light of day once again...

Recently, the Pentagon announced new rules for the Fall 2002 Army-Navy-Air Force-Marine Corps football tournament. It is now known that the gender-integrated teams will take to the gridiron only after negotiating the following:

1. Only flag football will be played. The Joint Chiefs of Staff rated both tackle and touch football Extreme High Risk: first, due to the CNN factor, the public will no longer tolerate even one field casualty, and second, touching another player today--even the congratulatory pat on the butt--is asking for a court-martial.

2. The phrase "making a pass" will be changed to the less inflammatory "throwing the ball."

3. The Army, Navy and Marines will be prohibited from attempting throws beyond 5 yards because of Air Force protests that it alone owns the long-range aerial attack mission.

4. The Marine Corps may run with the ball, but no more than 25 yards per quarter, the Pentagon ruled. It was prompted by Army objections to long-range naval ground operations.

5. The Navy may not use tailbacks. The term is entirely too close to one denoting the arresting gear of an aircraft and we all know how well *that* term plays in certain circles.

6. To promote Jointness, all teams were ordered to use the same game plan.

After receiving suggestions from all four services--

· The Army's plan, called "The Game After Next," called for handoffs of a digitized football to the fullback, up the middle, on every play. The Army plan's last chapter, titled "Exit Strategy," was oddly blank, which would leave players with no choice but to set up bunkers, Port-a-Pots and temporary housing on the 50-yard line.

· The Navy's "Forward...From the Bench" plan called for players--each called a ball "carrier"--to be surrounded by other Navy football players in a pack called "carrier groups." These units would establish a “roaming presence" all over the playing field. Less important than crossing the goal line is the Navy strategy of being able to protect the carrier group wherever it patrols the gridiron. So threatening are these “carrier groups,” the Navy strategy suggests, that no one would be foolish enough to even mount a defense.

· The Marine's "Three-Yard War" plan was predictable: seize ground, every down, no matter how, regardless of the price, but preferably while on the playing field. The linchpin of the Marine game plan called for packing the audience with members of Congress to ensure that the Marines' performance did not go unrecognized.

· The Air Force's "Fieldwide Engagement" plan kept calling for very long, accurate throws on every down, during huddles, timeouts, halftime, between games, in the parking lot and even in the showers. So fast and accurate would these throws be, went the Air Force strategy, no other team would even bother to take the field.

After examining each team's playbook, the Secretary of Defense ruled that none could be used, and that each service was to be left to its own devices.

The Navy decided victory could be had by not taking the field. Instead, its players patrolled up and down the sidelines in breathtaking formation, hoping that would sufficiently deter the other teams from leaving their benches.

Likewise, the Army decided against taking the field, at least until several conditions were met:

1. that vital U.S. national interests were declared to be at stake,

2. that conditions for victory were concrete and easily defined and

3. that the President would activate 550,000 Reserve and National Guard Army football players if the game actually were to be played.

The Air Force also felt victory could be achieved by not showing up. Secret plans were later leaked to the press that the Air Force had spent $38.7 billion on a Space Shuttle-launched system able to fire the football into the end zone from a low geosynchronous orbit.

Bolstered by congressional resolution to be the "most-ready football team when others are the least," the Marines stormed the playing field two days before the game was to be played and declared themselves the winners.

And there was great joy in Mudville.

To muddle a metaphor...

Sic transit -- Military-dot-com used to have a *great* Joke-of-the-Day section until it started taking itself too seriously...

#9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road. [Only two? Pikers.]

#8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times. [True. I cultivate those kinds of relationships. It is true for the Armorer, as well.]

#7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup. [The Armorer doesn't carry. That's what the tank is for. Okay, we don't have a tank. Yet.]

#6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo. [True. That's why we get the bayonets. Hate to damage a stock, especially some of the antique stocks in which the wood is a little dry and might snap at the wrist when buttstroking your antagonist.]

#5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space. [Well, one might not, but, well, 30 do.]

HL, that's kinda like fireworks in Ohio. You can make them here, and you can buy them here, but you have to agree to take them out of the state within 24 hours and you're not allowed to use fireworks in-state unless you have a pirotechnics license.
But we can buy, own AND use silencers!

by AFSister on November 4, 2007 2:17 PM

HL, that's kinda like fireworks in Ohio. You can make them here, and you can buy them here, but you have to agree to take them out of the state within 24 hours and you're not allowed to use fireworks in-state unless you have a pirotechnics license.
But we can buy, own AND use silencers!

by AFSister on November 4, 2007 2:17 PM

And one thing that a woman and a rifle have in common is that it is extreemly satisfying to "hold them and squeeze them."

durn echo. I'm blaming it on Vista, since it seems to be messing up other things for me.

by AFSister on November 4, 2007 5:21 PM

OK, as far as #10 goes, this was best answered by Bette Midler as Sohpie Tucker.
"I will never forget it. It was on the occasion of Ernie's eightieth birthday and in honor of the occasion he married a twenty year old girl. And he rang me up the very next day and he said to me "Soph, Soph, I have just married myself a twenty year old girl, what do you think of that". And I said to him "Ernie when I am eighty years old I shall marry myself a twenty year old boy, and let me tell you something Ernie twenty goes into eighty a hell of a lot more than eighty goes into twenty."

On #9 - I must concur with John's comment. If the Rotation ever gets down to two, please call an ambulance, I have lapsed into a coma.

#7, #8 apply to men as well as women.

If #6 is a problem for some it simply displays a shocking lack of imagination.

#5 - Since when are men concerned about closet space? None of mine are.

#4 - If that even SLOWS YOU DOWN, please do not apply for a position in the Rotation.

October 25, 2007

Time for a break.

Lesson in Marketing

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome - one has a cross in front of him; the other one the Star of David. Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.

A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but none to the beggar behind the Star of David. Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says, "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite."

The beggar behind the Star of David listened to the priest, turned to the other beggar with the cross and said: "Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing."

In a different context, having played the role of the Priest, this one just left me rolling on the floor, stereotypes or no... H/t, Dad.

I was so proud of myself... It's not easy thinking like a NY Times reporter. It sort of violates the space-time continuum - if you're not extremely careful you go back in time and become your own grandmother.

"We figured she was rich, loaded to the hilt
And we figured she had class like the Vanderbilts
'Cause we had heard for years how she was so well reared
How was we to know they meant the way she was built.

"Just Like Frank..."

A guy walks into the street and manages to hail a taxi just as it's passing by. He hops into the taxi, and the cabby says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabby: "Frank. Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right, all the time. Like my coming along just when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank each and every single time."

Passenger: "Yeah, but there are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabby: "Not over Frank. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was just one amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabby: "Oh, there's more. He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank, he could do everything right."

Passenger. "Wow, some guy then."

Cabby: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake. Never."

Passenger. "Mmm, there's not many like him around."

Cabby: "And he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and never answer her back, even if she was in the wrong. And his clothing was always immaculate, his shoes highly polished -- like mirrors, they were. Frank was the Perfect Man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."

October 12, 2007

Army Secretary Gate's speech to the AUSA Convention. The Intro.

Gotta like his intro...

First, I would say welcome to Washington. A city where those who travel the high road of humility encounter little traffic. Where people often say, “I’ll double-cross that bridge when I come to it.” Where you can see prominent people walking down lover’s lane holding their own hands.

The story Peter told about my wanting to be a doctor is true. I often tell people my decision to join CIA probably saved countless lives.

I returned Saturday night from visiting five Latin American countries, including Peru. My visit there reminded me of the perils facing hosts when receiving foreign dignitaries. Some years ago, a European foreign minister, a notoriously heavy drinker, was visiting Peru. He was at a formal event, and he was drunk. Music was playing, someone in a long, flowing gown passed him. The foreign minister asked this person to dance. The individual turned on the drunken minister and somewhat haughtily replied, “First, you are drunk. Second, this is not a waltz, this is the Peruvian national anthem. Third, I am not a woman but the Cardinal Archbishop of Lima.”

I leave tonight for Russia, where all visitors for decades have assumed they were being spied on. Often, visitors have been a little too paranoid. Such as the time Canadian hockey player Phil Esposito was in Moscow and he and his roommate decided to find the bug in their hotel room. They searched high and low to no avail. And they flipped the rug back and found there the supposed bug inset in the floor. With great effort, they unscrewed it only to hear a thunderous crash. They had undone the anchor of the chandelier in the room below them.

Despite the travel, different time zones and different so on, perhaps the most difficult, confusing aspect of this job for me is closer to home. It may also have vexed some of you at some point and that is navigating the Pentagon – in every sense of the word. General Eisenhower learned this the hard way shortly after World War II when he tried to return to his office – by himself – after eating at the general officers’ mess. Eisenhower later wrote: “So hands in pockets and trying to look as if I were out for a carefree stroll around the building, I walked … and walked and walked, encountering neither landmarks nor people who looked familiar. One had to give the building grudging admiration; it had apparently been designed to confuse any enemy who might infiltrate it.”

Newsman David Brinkley used to tell a story of the early days at the Pentagon. A woman told a Pentagon guard she was in labor and needed help in quickly getting to a hospital. The guard said, “Madam, you should not have come in here in that condition.” She answered, “I wasn’t in this condition when I came in.”

1) not a hundred years, I remembered that much. Silly Europeans never read the spec.
2)Don't know/Don't care/stupid hats
3)Not cats, I remembered that much. Otherwise there would be a lot more maimed violinists.
4)My first guess was Thermidor. I get these revolutions mixed up.
5)Not camel, I'm pretty sure about this.
6)I thought it was Canary wine which isn't usually classified as an animal although I admit I haven't sampled any of the older years.
7) "Hey You".
8) There are PURPLE FINCHES????
9) There are CHINESE GOOSEBERRIES???
10) Orange.
See, Bill? Yet another thing you can do better than me. Besides hypnotize a bucket of bolts into flying in formation, that is.

After living 15+ years in the Canary Islands, #6 is a question that comes up frequently. Actually, the dog is the accepted version, but it's not necessarily that straightforward: How Did That Canary Get Its Name?

by Pamela on October 7, 2007 8:49 AM

Seems like both Ancient Dawggies and a branch of my family both came from the Canaries. My ancestors came to The Island during the early 19th Century to pursue business opportunities in the sugar cane industry. They ended up co-owning a plantation on the grounds of what is now a Petroleum Refinery

And though when speaking my natal tongue, I may sound like a Canarian, at least I don't bark like a Plinian Pooch

by Boquisucio on October 7, 2007 10:23 AM

Let's see...I answered correctly (or close enough for government work) on 1,3,4,6,8, and 10. What do I win?????

"Chinese gooseberries" in fact came from China, as did a lot of gold prospectors and they now all own fruit and veg shops so it all worked out. Once here they were renamed "kiwifruit" (the Chinese gooseberries, NOT the gold prospectors) by the apple and pear marketing board and are exported as such. You call them kiwi because you are a. victims of marketing & b. Wrong.

Hence "Chinese gooseberries" come from China & what comes from New Zealand is "kiwifruit".

Don't act all suprised, you knew I'd be jumping in.

by Murray on October 7, 2007 7:08 PM

Once here they were renamed "kiwifruit"...by the apple and pear marketing board...

So, we've got a Kiwi goosing the Chinese and the Apple and Pear Marketing Board giving everybody else the berries? And why does the Apple and Pear Marketing Board have naming rights over berries? Can they market honey under the name "Trebuchet treacle"?

Besides, the question was, "Where do Chinese gooseberries come from?" They may have *originated* in China, but they *come* here from New Zealand. Which is okay, because now the grocers don't have to worry about 'em being recalled for too much lead in the seeds or insufficient tread in the rind or whatever...

Nup, you're on a hiding to nothing there Bill. For a start no one buys Chinese gooseberries from New Zealand, they buy kiwifruit.

The A&P Marketing board have naming rights because they're the guys who market our fruit. By the they renamed them again because frankly it pisses us off that they've allowed people to thing kiwi are fruit but the damage is done and no one knows they're suposed to be calling them something else now.

If only we could get them to sell some of the fruits in our parliament they'd be of some use to us.

Chinese gooseberries come from China and still do. Just that no one buys them. Lead content or formaldehyde or something.

Just because you choose to purchase something from one place rather than the source that doesn't make its point of origin. We're just the middle man in this fruit salad.

September 30, 2007

Sundry Sunday

An old farmer in Georgia had owned his farm for several years. He had a *huge* pond in the back, fixed up real nice; picnic tables, volleyball net, a horseshoe pitch -- like I said, real nice. And he'd properly shaped and graded the pond for swimming when he built it. One evening, the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came still closer, he saw the noise originated from a bunch of young ladies skinny-dipping in his pond. He coughed to make the ladies aware of his presence and they immediately swam to the deep end of the pond. One of them shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man replied, "Calm down, now, hon -- I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond nekkid--

"--I'm just here to feed the alligator..."

V-29 swears he *didn't* make that up.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
So far, the Kill BillMatch the TINS! to the Radio Call Contest has produced some enlightening results: Brab and NinjaFluff (with Pogue flying CAS) want to see me crisped, the starch-wing contingent wants me to go trolling for flak, Sis wants to see me ventilated, ry's opting for a Blue-on-Blue and Two Who Shall Remain Nameless want me to go up for a rematch with the heat-seeker. At least Cassie hasn't shown up to fling the trivet. Or engage in rampant foot-tapping, followed by a faire la moue et la flounce.

However, if the trend holds, *most* of you will be able to -- ahem -- brag about your prescience...

September 28, 2007

Friday Two-Fers

Yesterday, ry walked all over it with golf spikes was kind enough to remind me that I walked all over it with football cleats hadn't yet announced the winner of the new tagline contest from a couple of weeks ago.

Ahem.

According to the rules of the contest, which you *all* read, agreed to, and then consigned to memory -- with the evident exception of ry -- nobody won. There were some really, really, *really* good one-liners that *nobody voted for*. So, it looks like I'm stuck with answering the once-a-month e-mail with "It's an OH-58D" in the subject line. For the time being. And it's all your fault, slackers.

Eeeep! I'm channeling John...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
However, with me, you always get a shot at redemption. First, for those of you who have been stuck in a two-year time warp remember this one from a little while ago, congratulations on your admirable ability to restrain your curiosity for this length of time. Second, for those of you who are new to the site (and we *all* know who you are, but like you a lot anyway), here's the synopsis:

Every once in a while, regardless of what your particular job happens to be in the military, you hear a comment or a call over the radio that makes you realize how badly it sucks being you at that particular instance and in that particular point in space. One morning, I shook a bunch of them out of the *Ohhh-Boy!* compartment and listed them -- there's a TINS! that accompanies each -- and I asked you to vote for the particular one you figured would bore you the least deemed most interesting.

1. "Ooops!" [#1] -- from a gunship, two seconds after his rocket hit the (flooded) paddy I was just about to land in. Right underneath me. Instant concussive waterfall.

2. "Holy sh*t! They said Charlie didn't have any flak down here! One-Five, are any of you guys still alive in there?"

3. "Ooops!" [#2] -- from a different gunship, one nanosecond before my crewchief screamed that a rocket had just passed between our right skid and the belly of the aircraft.

4. "Hey, One-Five, you look like Niagara Falls. I thought those fuel cells were supposed to be self-sealing."

5. "Aaaaah! One-Five's dead!" -- from my copilot, right after I took a direct hit in the chicken plate that slammed me flailing off the controls while we were at flat pitch in an LZ. I thought I was dead and his squeak didn't do anything to lessen my depression.

7. "Chalk Four, you've still got a tailboom. Couldn't say for how much longer, though."

8. "The SEALs are ready for pickup, sir. Along with about a platoon of VC on the other side of the treeline they're in."

9. "Sector TOC wants you to check out a possible 37mm site west of Nui Hon Soc. The others they sent there never called in."

10. "Hey, One-Five -- uhh, ya do know yer on fire, don't ya?"

Number 6 won. 'Fess up. You guys wanted to see if I really *did* get out of these things alive, didn't you...

However, there are still nine more to go, each one a bigger yawner than the last leading to a small vignette of a TINS! Pick a number and pop it into the comments -- the biggest vote-getter gets posted. And remember, one legit addy,

*glowering at a certain Denizenne blogtwin with multiple persona disorder*

one legit vote.

And then we'll do it again. And again, and again, and again until I figure you're ready to take on the sidebar -- again.

Two-Niner's allowed to pass, although he'll probably pop in to snark, because he either made some of the calls or knows the story already.

Yeah, I walked all over it. And got a rapping of my knuckles by Cassie for my efforts too. I'd swear that woman was a Catholic School Nun if I didn't already know better. (Maybe I shouldn't say that in this crowd. Who knows what mind in the gutter comment will be made next.)

And I wouldn't mind hearing Oooops#1.

by ry on September 28, 2007 7:33 AM

*sigh*
I have FAILED MY TWIN! Not ONE VOTE? For ANY OF THEM?
I demand a recount! And I vote for HF6's "the ground repels them" comment. Lurv that one.

As for a new TINS story, I promise to play by the rules for ONCE in my life and will only vote one time. For #8. After all, who wouldn't love a story that involves SEALs?

by AFSister on September 28, 2007 8:05 AM

Who knows what mind in the gutter comment will be made next

With this crowd? Not a one.

After all, who wouldn't love a story that involves SEALs?

Me. For about five hours -- uhhh -- *minutes*, anyway.

Does anyone know where the love of God goes
When sustained automatic weapons fire turns the minutes to hours?
Sorry 'bout that, Gord-O.

One of the limitations on the R-44 heliothwopter is max altitude of 9000 AGL. The book states this because in case of fire you have a five minute firewall, and above 9000 it will take you longer than that to autorotate to a landing. That's got to be a long 5 minutes...

...she just needs to spend quality time with Bigfoot all by her little self.

If you mean getting ear-chin skritches whenever she takes a break from trying to tackle Scout, jumping over Jake (while he's standing up) and boxing with Muffy the Maleficent, that -- plus leaping onto my lap whenever I sit down -- is the normal drill. She's turning into WereKitty...

September 22, 2007

This could be one reason why the Castle isn't in a home owners association

Randy K found this thread over at Fark. He sent it to me under the cover of the title of this post:

Here's a fair amount of a letter I got today. I edited it and trimmed it a little but here is the gist of what was in there.

Dear Mr. XXXXXXXXX

Pursuant to your previous correspondences, we would like to respond to your current request to build a "trebuchet". If you would examine the covenant that you signed when you joined the homeowner's association you will clearly see that homeowners are forbidden to construct any of the following without permission:

Destructive Devices
Fences
Pools
Outdoor Shelters
Garages
Decks

Because there is potential need for a clarification of what a "Destructive Device" could be, the accepted definition for the covenant is defined as, but not limited to:

Tire spikes
Razor Wire installed anywhere
Traps of any kind
Any device that could potentially cause irreparable damage to property

For this reason we cannot approve your request to build a "trebuchet" on your property. Please be advised that you were given similar notification when you requested to build a medieval siege engine and moat.

We would also appreciate it if you cease writing requests to build any form of ancient weaponry either for personal use of as you have termed it "neighborhood enrichment." The homeowner's association has no plans now or in the future to permit the construction of any of the requested items you have proposed.

Indeed.

The Castillo Nuevo is a motte-and-bailey style edifice, while thus far the curtain wall is a palisade, it is such only in that it's a bunch of wood poles standing upright, with branches and leaves, and still rooted in the ground.

There is a moat, however. And I have contracted with a sign company for some custom signage.

Of course, my redneck mind has to ask: Why would anybody (especially anybody who holds the views of the world commonly expressed on this blog) buy a house in a neighborhood where homeowner associations exist? Are there now parts of this country so controlled that these control-freak neighborhoods are unavoidable?

by Oldloadr on September 22, 2007 9:01 AM

LOL!

When I was working in DC long ago and far away, I sold a perfectly functional town house in Laurel, Md. based on my desire to move to the country and be a bit closer to the eastern shore.

So in October of 1987, just before the 19th of October(black Monday in the markets), I bought a nice new house in a new development in Waldorf, Md. It was constructed with 2x6 framing along with a lot of nice features, plus it was designed in a pseudo-Victorian style that made the wife very happy. Now being a redneck myself, I had no inkling of the power of the dark side. The home owner's association. The jumbo fly in the ointment.

One Saturday morning after having lived in the house for a few months (it was one of three houses accessed via a one lane blacktop, which itself was off of a cul-de-sac at the hind-most end of the proposed development) I found a woman with a clipboard in my back yard. She wasted no time in telling me that my child's swing-set and my wood crib, which by this time contained two cords of split oak stacked, covered and drying for the next winter, had not been approved by the association and would have to come down.

Neither the swing-set or the wood crib could be seen unless from the air, or by walking around my house to get into the back yard which abutted a large wooded parcel of land owned by a nice, old, gentleman farmer.

Well after issuing her edicts to amend my back yard configuration, she then began to survey the plants and various attempts we had made towards landscaping. My surprise and stunned amazement wore off and I strongly suggested that the lady should leave my property before I found my wheelbarrow and gave her a lift to the property line.

Thus the battle of certified, notarized, and letters which were sometimes crafted by a legal-widget was engaged.

When the dust settled, I had decided to sell. I should admit that I owe that home owner's association and that clipboard equipped snoop of a lady a thank you for two reasons. Upon selling the house, I realized approximately a 75% profit on my investment in the house which turned over in under 18 months. And from that time forward, I would never again look at a prospective property with a covenant or any other sort of association. NIMBY indeed.

by bthun on September 22, 2007 12:02 PM

Are there now parts of this country so controlled that these control-freak neighborhoods are unavoidable?

I don't live in a HOA myself, however HOA are a frequent discussion on Fark. What I’m been able to find from the collective wisdom of Fark is this: HOA are created a lot of times by the community developer, some even required by law. The reason for this seems to be to allow the developer some control over the development until most (80%-90%) of it is sold. Once the developer sells enough in some cases the HOA is dissolved and in others turned over to the community.

Once the developer sells enough in some cases the HOA is dissolved and in others turned over to the community.

And in others, the little commissars with clipboards are free-range. Last year, when I was installing irrigation systems, I ran afoul of one.

My guess is that they will never, ever assume that someone power-augering a hole next to a house is the owner of that house and launch into a tirade about "Saturday morning quiet time" -- at 11:30am...

We had some folks in our little community (in the N. Ga. sticks) a few years back wanting to form an association in order to fund and maintain 'common areas'. Now bear in mind that these common areas were within the property lines of some of the agitating home owner's who apparently wanted to solicit a little communal funding for maintenance of these areas. Brass...

I had to clearly and plainly state that not only would I not agree to the formation of an HOA, but that I would oppose, in court if necessary, any move to form an HOA.

They almost forced my to buy a junked pickup and put it up on blocks in the front yard, just for GP. =8^}

by bthun on September 22, 2007 3:45 PM

They almost forced my to buy a junked pickup and put it up on blocks in the front yard

Oh, yeah -- then fill the rear with loam, plant sunflowers and call it a post-industrial raised-bed sculpture. Tell them it's your contribution to neighborhood beautification and then refuse to pony up for mere bourgeoise maintenance.

Then don't mow the lawn for a month -- tell 'em you're establishing a nature conservency...

Not too long before this HOA formation uprising, approximately 30 head of cattle escaped the back pasture and decided to make my nicely cut and edged lawns a nature conservancy. Ok, make that an extension of the pasture they had just escaped. Greener grass and all that no doubt.

But I think what really cooked the wannabe junior HOA brigade's geese was the time I hauled in a 6x12x3 trailer load of dried chicken litter to amend the soil in my flower gardens.

Guess that took me out of the running for the Bourgeois Pig of the Month Club.

by bthun on September 22, 2007 8:07 PM

In accordance with Godwin's Law i must say why have one big Fuhrer when petty 'community' Fuhrers can suffice? Or do I actually have to say the word Hitler? Isn't there a saying that the smaller the power the more ruthlessly the petty shall wield it?

September 21, 2007

Everything Old Is New On the YaddaYaddaYadda...

John seems to be obsessing with quizzes lately, so I figured I'd recycle this from one of my first appearances. As always, you get context -- during the last couple of days of our Boz rotation, we watched our replacements finish making a hash out of everything assuming their responsibilities for everything and everyone in the MND-North AO, thereby leaving us with nothing to do except scratch our nu precious little in the way of meaningful work.

Devil, meet idle hands. Idle hands, meet keyboard.

Took darn near an hour, but I ratcheted up a quiz, slapped it in e-mail, triggered "Everybody Who's Anybody In SFOR Except For The CG" in the "To:" block and clicked "Send."

Now, it's your turn to see if *you* are smart enough to Get Out of Bosnia...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
There will be a written examination as the culmination of the SFOR-10 rotation experience. Since there will be no time available to conduct a review of the subject material, you will find a representative sample of the examination below. A passing grade will entitle you to receive your choice of either two college credits from the University of Maryland (Eagle Campus) or one boarding pass on a military aircraft departing Tuzla on the day that you thought you were supposed to be leaving…

Sample SFOR-10 Qualifying Examination

Read each question thoroughly. Answer all questions. Time limit: four hours.

· General Knowledge: Describe everything you know in detail. Be objective, specific and concise.

· World History: Describe the evolution of all major religions from their earliest known origins to the present day. You may substitute Zoroastrianism for any other contemporary fire-worshipping Indo-European religion. Prove which is the one true religion in a manner that will convince everyone else.

· Combat LifeSaving: You will be given a double-edged razor blade, a piece of gauze and a bottle of muscatel. Remove your own appendix. Do not suture until your work has been examined by a proctor. You will have 15 minutes to complete the operation.

· Public Speaking: 2,500 fire-worshipping, gauze-clad muscatel drinkers armed with double-edged razor blades will storm into your classroom as soon as you have finished reading this. Calm them using any ancient language except Demotic Egyptian or Mycenaean Greek. Do not use passive voice.

· Biology: Create life. Estimate the subsequent differences in the rise of human culture if this life-form had developed 500 million years ago, giving special emphasis to the effects on the next Presidential election in Peru. Prove who will win and why.

· Music: Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate it and accompany yourself with flugelhorn and drum. You will find a piano in the middle drawer of your desk.

· Psychology: Evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment and repressed frustrations of each of the following individuals: Alexander the Great, Amenhotep II, Gregory of Nicosia, Joan of Arc and Hammurabi. Support your evaluation with at least three quotations from each person's work, cross-referencing as appropriate. It is not necessary to translate.

· Sociology: Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct a 1/32nd-scale experiment to test your theory.

· Political Science: You will be given a two-Euro coin. Proceed to the nearest pay phone and start World War III. Report on its socio-economic consequences, if any.

· Management Science: Define both management and science and their intrinsic relationship with the works of J.R.R. Tolkein and H.P. Lovecraft. Create a generalized algorithm that can be used to optimize all managerial decisions. Design the systems interface and prepare all software necessary to program this algorithm onto an Apple MacIntosh. Use only those applications found in DOS 3.0.

· Engineering: You will find the disassembled parts of a Civil War-era Sharps rifle in various drawers of your desk. You will also find an instruction manual for making gunpowder, printed in Sanskrit. In 10 minutes, a hungry Kodiak bear will be admitted into your room. Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision to PETA.

· Economics: Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the National Debt. Trace the possible effects on plate tectonics, the wave theory of light and the overcrowding of CB radio channels.

· Epistemology: Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your position.

· Physics: Explain the nature of matter. Your answer must include an evaluation of the impact of the development of quantum mechanics and Boolean algebra, plus the possible effects of beta radiation on the Hubble telescope’s infrared imaging systems.

· Philosophy: Sketch the development of human thought and estimate its significance. Compare this with the development of the other kinds of thought.

· Military History: Explain why the United States never lost a war in which the Army used mules.

I'm technically a woman, but apparently "testing" as a man on the "man job" list.
HAHA

by AFSister on September 19, 2007 3:36 PM

#21. Don't even intend to get the gadget -- KtLW's the TV freaque, and with her eyes, HDTV would be a total waste of capital.
#25. Don't have one. But I can segue into Ed the Neighbor's in an emergency. It'll cost me a beer, though.

Everything else was a "Yup." Did #s 7, 11, 23 and 24 before most of yez were *born*...

on the Civics test, I missed 11. I obviously need to read Plato's Republic (philosopher king? how could I miss that?) And second guessed myself on a couple and one, totally screwed up clicking the right button.

However, my score was still ahead of the curve. Think some college would give me a scholarship to complete my degree? Or, based on the table, should I skip college all together and demand an honorary degree?

26. Make jerky/smoke fish.
27. Recovery from a tippy-canoe.
28. Cut down a tree with a real axe.
29. Open a champaign bottle with a sword.
30. Understand the Theory of Gunnery as applied to the MBS and Cannister.

Cheers

by J.M. Heinrichs on September 19, 2007 6:08 PM

I have a problem with "backing up a trailer" with my current truck. It seems that reverse is higher-geared than first. Whassup wit dat? I thought reverse was supposed to be the lowest gear, so that one could back out of any place he got frontways into.

I have to slip the clutch when backing that thing up. There is of course lots of smartass commentary about how I oughta have gotten an automagic transmixer, but with today's gas prices, should anyone do that, even if the thing has a locking torque converter?

There is no way to turn down the idle speed in this truck, the ECU controls all. I'm amazed that I still have physical control of the throttl

You sure college makes you stupid, Kat? I only missed 8.
Those I missed:
Question #1 - D. 1601-1700(Couldn't remember the date, obviously.)
Question #13 - B. the nature and control of Reconstruction.(Can't even remember Andrew Johnson.)
Question #21 - A. support ratification of the U.S. Constitution.(Thought the Fed Papes were more about the Bill of Rights)
Question #31 - A. Edmund Burke argued that society consists of a union of past, present, and future generations.(Never read him.)
Question #36 - D. The authority of a legitimate sovereign.(Sovreign made me think of royalty, and that's not it.)
Question #55 - E. increased for the lower and middle classes and increased most for the upper class.(Okay, got snookered by the media on this one.)
Question #58 - B. An increase in the volume of commercial bank loans.(Big financial question. Never get those right.)
Question #60 - B. social security.(Knew it was social spending but thought it was education.)

by ry on September 19, 2007 7:37 PM

Um..Ry...did you look at the table they provided?

while you may be an exception, the table indicates that many universities apparently do make people stupid.

Besides, you go to college in the mid-west. look at the table.

I missed three that you have:

Question #2 - B. stressed the sinfulness of all humanity.
Question #14 - C. 1901-1925
Question #19 - C. philosopher kings.
Question #23 - B. Marbury v. Madison.
Question #27 - D. Man trusts his ability to know in order to reject his ability to know.
Question #36 - D. The authority of a legitimate sovereign.
Question #53 - B. a resident can benefit from it without directly paying for it.
Question #54 - D. can be reversed by government spending more than it taxes.
Question #55 - E. increased for the lower and middle classes and increased most for the upper class.
Question #57 - A. Theaters will sell fewer tickets.
Question #58 - B. An increase in the volume of commercial bank loans.

Frankly, I can't believe I missed the "women's suffrage" question, but I honestly thought it was in 1926 so, not far off. I missed #54 because I was in a hurry and didn't read all the answers. I never read Plato in its entirety (I suppose now, I will get around to it) and 53 because I hit the wrong button and didn't notice.

Still, doesn't matter. I know more than the average college graduate according to the table. I owe that to a great history/civics teacher in High school and a really great fifth grade teacher that got me interested in reading, allowing me to explore all the things that caught my attention. To my grandma that told me reading was okay when other kids made fun of me. To the grandfather and uncle to liked to talk about history. to my parents who insisted that I succeed in school, not just skate by.

And, to some really great blogs like this and many others around the internet who have fueled by interest in many other subjects from history, finance to philosophy, sparking my interest to continue reading. In fact, I just read the original, untranslated version of Milton's Paradise Lost based on a discussion on a blog.

Now, if only the rest of the ne'er do wells would thank the people really responsible for their abilities.

John,
Regarding "Civics Test", this 65 year old card dealer for an Indian Casino equaled your score, would've beat you but "clicked wrong circle" on one.
The INSTAJERK, we have a history, should be hanging his head in shame. But, of course, he has none!
I can only believe my success was due to Argghhh! and its links. That's a lie of course. My generations education thru high school was superior to that of follow on gens who went to college.
Mike

by Mike on September 19, 2007 8:51 PM

"Besides, you go to college in the mid-west." I attended, past tense, graduate school in the Midwest. My undergrad and hs was all on the left coast.

Kat, I'm not debating whether you're exceptionally bright or. Your are. In raw intellect you're probably smarter than me, a lot smarter than me. But, on avg, the 'smart' college kids don't take these tests. They've got better things to do---like studying. It's almost always the bottom 20% who are just making it buy in something like Comp Lit that spend all their time online doing stuff like this. Anyone rember the commenter Aero(xxxxx)? He hasn't been around much since classes started up. Anecdotal, but in furtherance of the point.

Yeah, you're a hell of a lot smarter than that bottom 20%. Smarter than me, and I was at one time a Ph.D. candidate. You're smarter than a lot of people, a lot smarter(considering your grasp of a lot of difficult subjects I could've sworn you had at least a masters degree in something!).

But college makes you dumb? More like the people answering the questionaire were the rubber stamp kind of kids. regurgitate on command so they can get their card punched and move on up the ladder. It doesn't make them dumb, the system they moved up thru to get to college made them dumb.
ry

by ry on September 19, 2007 9:24 PM

Mike - you simply prove my hypothesis. The older your schooling, the more of it you remember.

And despite protestations to the contrary, we're better at rhetoric and argumentation, too.

Ry... I think that, based on the info they ask online and the info provided, that these tests and the scores parted out were not given "online" by people who spend their time jacking around online instead of studying. Based on information provided, I am assuming that this test was originally administered under other circumstances, I don't think this is based on the bottom 20%.

And, I was not trying to insult you in anyway. I will tell you I think you are full of bull on China (LOL) and only give a hoot about sims and experts as far as they add to my own understanding, but, I don't think that they are set in stone because they are "experts". I don't think your arguments stupid or you are "stupid". And that was also the point of the "you went to college in the mid-west" see the tables (that was actually a sort of ironic back handed compliment).

I'll agree with this in part:

But college makes you dumb? More like the people answering the questionaire were the rubber stamp kind of kids. regurgitate on command so they can get their card punched and move on up the ladder. It doesn't make them dumb, the system they moved up thru to get to college made them dumb.

But I'll caveat that I believe that "rubber stamping" is way more prevalent than just a bunch of kids that took this test.

I firmly believe, based on my own experiences, that people get out of their education what they want. I appreciate a lot of teachers in my past, but not all of them were the golden apple teacher of the year variety.

There's a little story that goes with this, but I'll shorten it up and say that the high school history teacher that I praise above said it, "You get out of education what you want." He made us read Locke, Adams, Paine, Rousseau, etc, write about it and talk about what it meant to the world we live in today. But he didn't tell us we had to re-interpret it based on modern understanding of human sociology and governments. He let them stand on their own and discussed their ideas as if they were as original today as they were then.

That was in high school.

That's pretty much how I view students. Screw the system and "rubber stamps". People want rubber stamps. Easy access to education did not improve the value of education. But, I don't blame the system. The system responds to the people and the people want rubber stamps so they can say they got a piece of paper. People choose their universities and their classes based on that theory: what they want to get out of it.

It's the theory of life.

(If I told you the number of actual college credits I had, you would fall of your seat; I learned everything I needed to know in High School and then because I wanted to. If somebody had handed me the opportunity to go to college like kids have today, I'd have been ecstatic. Now, I am going back to school. In an interesting thought process, while many people talk about how blogs are stupid, I have to say, I have had one of the best educations you can get for free.

1. Patch a radiator hose - I know how been lucky to never have to bother.
2. Protect your computer - yes and did I say linux?
3. Rescue a boater who has capsized -no clue. It would help if there was more water.X
4. Frame a wall - np
5. Retouch digital photos - done that but they still won't accept me at AP.
6. Back up a trailer - never even towed a trailer yet.X
7. Build a campfire - ha! boy cub pyromania.
8. Fix a dead outlet - sure but i leave that to the sparkies.
9. Navigate with a map and compass - check
10. Use a torque wrench - only once but yes.
11. Sharpen a knife - Do it all the time. Blunt knives cut people, trust me.
12. Perform CPR - yep but never had to do in a real situation. Come to think of it i'm getting quite rusty now.
13. Fillet a fish - maybe i will if you clean it.
14. Maneuver a car out of a skid - I have no idea what this means.X
15. Get a car unstuck - It does help not to get it stuck in the first place.
16. Back up data - sure
17. Paint a room - nearly all my painting has been outdoors but sure. Please don't ask for anything better than stick figures if you want to get fancy.
18. Mix concrete - it's been a while :-S
19. Clean a bolt-action rifle - nope never touched a gun. Come to that i haven't seen a gun since i was a kid.X
20. Change oil and filter - sure.
21. Hook up an HDTV - How much money do you think I have? X
22. Bleed brakes - preferably without blood.
23. Paddle a canoe - crikey i'm not that far gone am i?
24. Fix a bike flat - well yes but that doesn't mean i have to actually do it does it? phew.
25. Extend your wireless network - hmm possibly but not done it yet so think I will say no X

I guess we're trumped by that common language thingy. What do you call it Down Under when you're toodling along and all of a sudden (for any of myriad reasons) the rear end of your car decides to go exploring all on it's own, and in fact, if you don't steer yourself back straight, may well jump to the front of the line like a politician running for office?

Once Upon A Time In The West

Once upon a time was last Saturday, in fact. In the West Section of the local multiplex, to be precise--

The usher responded to the complaints of several patrons that there was a drunk sprawled over three seats in the theater. Moving moving resolutely down the aisle, he soon found the offender, sprawled, as reported, over three seats.

"Sir, it's theater policy that there's only one seat to a customer. You'll have to straighten up and take your one allotted seat."

The drunk just gave him a woozy look and groaned.

"Sir, if you don't move, I'll be forced to bring the manager into this."

The drunk just repeated the woozy look and the groan.

The usher proceeded to the manager's office and soon returned with that worthy in tow.

"Sir, our policy is, 'One customer, one seat.' If you do not remove yourself from two of those seats, I shall be forced to summon the constabulary."

The drunk repeated the same woozy look and the groan.

Whereupon the manager departed, only to return with The Law.

The cop looked at the drunk and asked, "Okay, buddy, what's your name?"

The drunk looked at the cop and said, "buh. buh. bob."

The cop followed up with, "Okay, Bob. Now, where are you from?"

The drunk blinked at the cop, pointed up and said, "buh. buh. balcony."

September 18, 2007

Speaking of the Castle...

Kat asks up in the H&I above when I'm going to move the German WWII K5 gun (or something similar) to the Castle. All I can say is, I don't have the rail spur in yet.

That doesn't mean there hasn't been some progress.

First off, Sergeant S'mudge had her first long weekend as Acting Commander of Castle Argghhh! and did just fine. All her rekeets survived, and based on their flying capabilities they demonstrated on Sunday, she drilled them while we were gone, and based on the growth, the Mess Hall was serving adequate chow.

And lastly, in partial answer to Kat's Koncerns... there *is* some firepower resident at the New Castle, as the migration continues piece by piece. We've got the close-in and medium range fires covered - we can hit anything we can see, and drop into the ravines and crevasses we can't.

September 13, 2007

A contest.

As I've mentioned before, SWWBO and I are, as we settle into the new Demesne, naming appropriate places for Denizens, such as Neffi's Field, suitable for landing ultralights/Tank Table 8 Gunnery (probably not simultaneously), Werekitty's Pole, up in Meriwether Meadow, Fuzzybear's Lair, down in Donovan Dell, there's Bill's Mud Flat, over by the dam, things like that. We're not done, by a long shot.

Anyway, we all know that Ry gets sent to clean the privy a lot, and is always nattering on his "privy plaque." Admittedly, this represents a softening of the requirement to get this kind of honor. Previously, you had to die. Remember "Provo's Privy" from The Green Berets?

Well, he's got his privy. Procured in a seamy transaction that involved inter-state outhouse-smuggling, with the transfer occurring in a small town park in southwestern Missouri, where a pick-up carrying a privy slipped into town from the south, while another slipped into town from the north, meeting in a muddy field behind the local Subway franchise. With many furtive over the shoulder looks, money was exchanged, an outhouse transferred from one black, nondescript truck to the other black, non-descript truck, and both left, taking different routes than the ones they'd taken to get there.

And it was delivered to the New Castle.

And it's fully functional. Well, it will be after we dig a hole for it. And get the Sears Catalog Holder. Though we might just stuff it with the electronics for the garden railway. But if we do that, we'll have to do some weather-proofing, which Ry won't mind, since the wind will howl through the gaps in the boards and the knotholes if we don't.

I asked Ry what he wanted his plaque to say. He brushed me off to you guys.

So - that's the contest... what do we put on Ry's plaque?

You don't need to be a Denizen/ne to play - you just need to be clever!

5. Bill's new copter with its Advanced Bill Correction Device (ABCD). This fantastic marvel of engineering automatically adjusts helium levels to make the CG move around wildly thereby providing Bill with normal operating conditions. AI could, unfortunately, not be included in the extensive feature list due to it's propensity to eject before takeoff.

Journalist NevadaDailySteve proves that the MinisculeStreamMedia does, indeed, have a sense of humor (a small one – but a sense of humor, nonetheless)

6. If you build it, some idiot will fly it.

Pat has been weeding in his DVD collection:

7. That's not a TINS, this is a TINS!

John, as usual, hit the wrong comment box – the one he obviously wanted concerned somebody’s guess about the Whatziss:

If you want something a touch risque, well, a few years back I was reading a discussion thread on the relative merits of the fixed-wing and rotary-wing methods of temporarily defying gravity. In said thread, a fixed-wing devotee commented:

"Getting airborne by screwing yourself into the sky is an unnatural act."

Myself, I would suggest:

"You can't do THAT in a helicopter .... can you?!?"

Or an old standby for anyone lucky enough to have a job he/she enjoys:

"Can you believe they pay me to do this?"

by wolfwalker on September 3, 2007 8:20 AM

WW - We prefer to think of it as beating the air into submission. And you'd be surprised what you can do in a helicopter.

Probably wouldn't be surprised at the things you can't or shouldn't though...

"Always spinning; sometimes controlled."
"I never spin; I gyrate, I whirl, I pirouette."
"Beating the air into submission, in more ways than one."
"Auto rotation: it's not just another spin."
"Formation flying, the individual way."

Cheers

by J.M. Heinrichs on September 3, 2007 11:39 AM

The extra bit on top is for the pilot's ego to be stored. Otherwise his head would be too big for the cockpit!

September 2, 2007

When email spills over to the web...

Adjutant Brab sent out an email, containing a joke. Shock! Surprise! Disbelief!

Anyway, the joke's only tangential, so I stuck *it* in the Flash Traffic/Extended Entry, since, let's face it, most of my weekend readers are probably also on the email list anyway.

As is the wont of email streams, like comment streams - especially one that has Bill the Rotorhead and John the BadPest (CAPT H) in it, this one morphed.

Now, I'm busy, I get a lot of email, and I admit I don't always read, um, er, closely.

So, Martha at some point in one of the emails morphed into Mothra (this after CAPT H accused us of hating his sister, btw) which then tumbled around in my as-yet-uncaffeinated brain as something else... which sparked an idea, which required a little searching, opening up some software and resulted in this - so you can see what happened in my head when Martha went to Mothra went to....

Ah, poor Mothra, once again falsley maligned!
When Godzilla was evil, Mothra fought against him. When Godzilla was rehabilitated, Mothra fought with him against evil.
Elected Rep. Murtha consistently shows a lower moral posture than a giant moth.

September 1, 2007

It's the Labor Day weekend. Surely you have better things to do than hang here.

I hope you all are mostly going to be away from computers, and celebrating American Labor. Whatever you may think of unions these days, they served their purpose in the beginning, certainly. Besides, if yer a filthy steeenking rich corporate fat cat, *every* day is Rich Guy Exploiter of the Masses Day, right? 8^ )

We're going to spend the weekend moving. Prodigal Son and his GF are here, so I have some quasi-muscular flesh to impress into service with moving furniture. We just spent 20K on getting that bedroom, by golly, we ought to get some use out of it!

Why is it that every time I get leisure time I work harder than during the work week? This weekend it's "Paint the fence, up - down." or something to that effect. I don't think Mr. Miaggi had the kid paint a picnic table and benches plus a few other outdoor pieces of furniture. I'm prayin' for rain.

August 28, 2007

A New Contest

Every month or so, I get an e-gram with the correct answer. OH-58D. Kiowa *gag!* Warrior.

Unfortunately, it's not supposed to be a serious question. Y'see, a couple of years back, when John first dragged me squalling and scratching into this mess suggested I start doing actual posts, rather than sending his spam filters into overload mode merely e-mailing him vignettes, he asked me what I wanted above my sidebar pic.

And he attached a jaypeg of a KW. If I hadn't thought he was kidding (I've never even been off the ground in one), I never would have replied with the phrase

Whatzis helicopter and why does it have a balloon on top?

because it's sort of an "in" joke in the fling-wing community, to wit -- "The aircraft's got such a high c.g. [translation -- it's so topheavy] it needs helium in the MMS to keep it from rolling over on the helipad."

If I'd known he was so freakin' Machiavellian serious, I would have come up with a cooler meme. Something like,

Soooooo, that's the contest -- "Give Bill a new sidebar blurb." Winner gets brag rights and a free Urdu pronunciation lesson *or* a hi-res pic of a Cobra you can PhotoShop your face into and impress your friends, especially if they think you've never been in the Pakistani Army.

BTW, newbies (or even not-so-newbies, it's been a while since the trivet was tossed around here)...

Don't let all this insidery-blog-joke stuff deter you.

Jump in. Participate. *That's* how you become a Denizen/ne! We won't scorn you for not knowing all the inside jokes - like the trivet that used to hang over the lintel at Cassie's joint - speaking of Cassie's joint - don't ask about *why* that marmoset is so scared. Just, well, let's just say Cassie has a *history* with marmosets that hasn't been good. For marmosets.

One day i'll get half these injokes, then my conversion to true insanity will be complete.

taglines? for that pic? hmm?

Bills new copter with its Advanced Bill Correction Device (ABCD). This fantastic marvel of engineering automatically adjusts helium levels to make the CG move around wildly thereby providing Bill with normal operating conditions. AI could, unfortunately, not be included in the extensive feature list due to it's propensity to eject before takeoff.

OK all you Photoshop Jockies out there... I have a mission for you.
Take Twitchy Bill's picture, coat the bird with candy dots, add some feeee-male passengers and a title bar "Chief SugarButtons and the SugarButtons Brigade".

by AFSister on August 28, 2007 8:36 AM

Kiowa airlines motto: "If you build it, some idiot will fly it."

I hesitate to list my only other motto, it might run afoul of "Da Rulez" but it could be paraphrased as "I have big spheres, you have big spheres, we all have big spheres, but I have the biggest spheres of all."

August 17, 2007

On remodeling...

Installment 9 of my sister's saga:

Subtitle: When your clothes drier becomes a counter top.

The tiny flies have mostly died. Many of them committed suicide in our beverages. We would look down at our drinks and find 10 itty-bitty bug bodies floating in them. Not too appetizing, eh? They also had a penchant for flying up noses and into ears. We are not mourning their passing.

I had planned to spend Monday packing up the kitchen in a logical manner. You know, putting things into neatly labeled boxes and placing them in reasonable locations. But nooooo. They wanted to begin demolition on Monday. That meant cramming stuff into boxes and putting it anywhere it would fit. I may never find some of it again. We also moved the dining room furniture into the living room which still contained its own furnishings. The dining room table slid very nicely over the coffee table. During all of this hullabaloo, Dodger came into the kitchen, looked at the workers, and peed a river on the floor. He is such an expressive canine.

We took Erin to Chicago for a few days to see the musical “The Twenty-fifth Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee.” If you ever have a chance to see this play, absolutely do it! The first laugh comes about 30 seconds into it and you won’t stop laughing until it is done. A word of caution: it is not a show for children due to a small amount of bad language and a hilarious song about unexpected adolescent erections. There were some stunned parents and grandparents in the audience. As Erin said, anybody can check these shows out on the Internet!

We returned home about 10:30 Thursday night. I opened the door and reached out to turn on the light, but the wall was gone. There was no switch. So I walked my fingers along the closet door until I found the hallway and located the light switch. The house was very warm, so we wanted to turn the air conditioner down. The thermostat had been located on the missing wall. We searched and searched to no avail. A worker showed it to me in the morning. It is now taped onto the furnace in the basement. I never would have found it in a million years.

They have created a little kitchen in the utility room. They moved my sink base, dishwasher, and range downstairs. I did not think I would still have the dishwasher, so I am very grateful. There is no prep space, however, so I am using the drier as a counter top. I haven’t tried to cook anything complex yet and may decide that heating things up is about as complex as I want to get.

Oh, I almost forgot. They taped heavy sheets of plastic over the entries into the living room to keep the dust out. That was very thoughtful and we appreciated it. Except the refrigerator was in there, too. It was a little hard to get breakfast.

We put the kitchen table in the family room. It is a little crowded, but it works. Our dishes are being stored in a book case and the coffee maker and toaster are out there, too. This of course meant packing up the things that are normally in those spaces. I love packing, especially in a hurry.

The exterior wall has been removed, as has the wall between the kitchen and dining room. Now we can really see how large the new room will be. It will be so nice when it is done, if we can hold on that long!

August 16, 2007

On the importance of Roll Call.

As reported yesterday, Permanent Private Houdini was dropped from the rolls of the Castle Argghhh! Guard Force, with his status changed to Missing, Presumed Lost, though the SAR effort continues. Right after I posted that bit, I went downstairs to let Sergeant Kiki and Recruit Gunner back in before I headed off to soul-crushing meetings. It's waaaay too hot to leave 'em out - and they don't want to stay out. Like any good turnkey, I count 'em out and I count 'em in - to make sure the Interior Guard doesn't sneak out for some AWOL time on their own, and to make sure all the Exterior Guard are accounted for upon re-entry.

Waidaminnit. There shoulda only been one black. I whirled around, thinking that Permanent Private Houdini had self-recovered! But the blur of excited canines had swarmed up the steps to steal some cat-food prior to being forced into their less-interesting demesne.

Up the stairs I go.

I was right. Much looting of cat breakfast was being done.

And there *were* three canines being scolded by the felines for their audacity and loutish behavior.

Sadly, the second flash of black was not Permanent Private Houdini.

Meet Harley. He was AWOL from his own guardmount from the demesne kitty-corner to the left rear of the Castle.

I'd not met Harley before, but he had tags, so he was apprehended, put in irons, and returned to his Commander. Who was *very* annoyed, though happy to have Permanent Private Harley back under military control, so to speak.

While we're at it - you might as well meet the Keets of Argghhh! as well. 19 of them survived being shipped in the mail as eggs, 3 weeks in the incubator and hatching process.

August 8, 2007

On remodeling.

Compare and contrast... my sister is doing a live-in remodel, the chronicle of which I have been sharing with you. Here is installment 8 of the series.

I have a new mantra: remodeling is a self-inflicted wound. We chose to do this to ourselves. I believe we may need a therapist. Perhaps a team of them.

The trenching was done with a wet saw. That is good because it reduces, but does not eliminate, the dust. Wet saws spew mud all over everything. The workers cleaned most of it up pretty well. However, I went into the utility room to get some clean laundry and discovered that the drying rack containing my “dainties” had been sprayed as well. It was at least 10 feet from the trench. No one wants to wear a bra covered in concrete mud. It does come out in the wash, however.

There is a fine layer of gritty concrete dust all over everything in the basement. We may get it cleaned up by Labor Day if it does not clog the vacuum cleaner.

Here’s a keen observation for you: a closed door will not deter a cat from entering a room if there is a trench in the floor. Not even a fat cat.

The pipe has been laid in the trench and covered with new concrete. Today they will replace the bathroom floor and relay the carpet in the hallway.

The addition has beautiful new windows installed and they have begun to replace our old windows. They, too, will be wonderful. There are two downsides to window replacement. One is that some windows break when they are removed and we now have broken glass all around the exterior of the house. The other is that gaping hole appears when windows are removed. This allows insects to enter. We are infested with little tiny flies.

Next week they will begin to demolish the kitchen…………

Out at the New Castle, our remodel has begun.

Day One. Destruction. Notes: I drove out and took a picture.

Day Two: Construction. Notes: I drove out and took another picture. And said hello to S'mudge, who BCR refers to as "The Bonsai Smilodon." S'mudge keeps an eye on things for us.

Day Three: Well, that's today. I'll drive out and take a picture. So far the toughest nut to crack has been getting SWWBO to choose some colors for the room. She did choose her laminate flooring, which was $2K more expensive than the high quality carpet the contractor used for his estimate. So, this *is* a government job with cost overruns starting before the first prybar hit the sheetrock...

Would you like to know what the Hubster and I went over on when we built our house?

1. Dirt, and the cost of moving it around
2. Septic system

The dirt/fill and the grading costs ate almost $9K of our $16K reserve ... before we even poured the footers! Luckily, we found other places to take it back ... but it was scary to be that far over before we really got to building!

Shesh. 4 cacti. All with thorns over a quarter inch long and untended for at least 5 years. In a corner. And I'm only supposed to take out the most vicous one. Quick, someone get UnkaBill outta the ME and parachute him onto the Santa Ana River, stat. This is a job of his skill level and only he can make the story funny. I just bleed, and that ain't funny.

August 4, 2007

What famous movie/TV character is your boss?

One of the projects I'm working on is an analytical effort supporting Army experimentation that will take place over the coming year. One of the things you've got to get done early - and well - are setting your objectives, from that developing the issues, from that decomposing your essential elements of analysis, then your measures of performance and merit, etc. Parallel and in conjunction, all of that helps you define your venues, participants, and how you are going to generate and collect all your data. All of which wraps up into a product called the Data Collection Management Plan. Thank heavens I'm not in charge of it - but I'm on the team that's developing it. I'm also helping in the parallel efforts of scenario design and models and sims support.

All this means meetings. Meetings with smart, very experienced people of diverse backgrounds, from warfighter commanders and operators, to math geeks, to academics.

Meeting after meeting after meeting after meeting of smart, type-A personalities, each and every one of us capable of a detailed-in-the-minutiae discussion of how many angels will dance on the head of that pin.

I don't envy my colleague who has to herd these cats.

Some of this is *hard*. We'll sit there, seeming victims of a Harry Potter-esque "Stupefy" spell, all anxiously waiting for someone else to drag us back from the precipice. Well, that's early in the meeting. Later in the meeting you can hear the conductor in the background yelling "Boaaaard! Last call for the bus to Abilene!"...

Yesterday, in the DCMP meeting, we were discussing differences in commanders and how they gather, analyze, and act on information, and how that relates to what data they need and how it needs to be presented to them. We were talking about explicit and implicit knowledge, and where a commander's knowledge of his subordinates came into play in that context.

It was one of those precipice moments.

And one of us suggested (tongue-in-cheek) that the way to get to that particular element was to bring in a division commander and his brigade and battalion commanders... and run a seminar along the lines of "The Apprentice."

Whereupon someone else noted - "I worked for a commander like Trump - he'd point to you in a staff meeting and say, "You're Fired!"

Heh. After noting that I too had worked for a commander like that - I added that I had also worked for the Dread Pirate Roberts - a commander who said the equivalent of "Well enough for today John. I'll likely kill you in the morning."

So - what famous/infamous/funny cultural characters have *You* worked for?

I worked for Captain Jack Sparrow. He was always hatching hair brained schemes, counting his squabs before they hatched, hitting on the women and some how, always came out on top. That is, until one day, the dreaded Davey Jones rose out of the sea and said, "your fired!"

I think I worked for Harvey the Invisible Rabbit, too. Never had his door open. Always heard him talking to somebody, but no idea who and everybody gave him credit for things he couldn't possibly have done because he was invisible!

And golum. I worked for golum once. He definitely had a tendency to be bent over some statistical reports and operational plans whispering, "my precious". And he did not like to share. Occasionally he would try to push people over the edge or beat them to death with a rock.

Oh..then there was the nerdy, talky guy that reminded me of the accountant in "Ghostbusters". You know the one that was the "key master"? Always trying to win people over with some nifty sales pitch or party while simultaneously calculating the cost and looking for the least expensive (need I say "cheap"?) way to do things. He never could figure out why no one wanted to hang out with him.

I once worked for a "continued Major" who our Chief refered to as the "Mystery Guest," but the rest of us called him "Sybil." Some days he would be at work an hour before the morning staff meeting (that he chaired, BTW) and yelling at anybody who got in his way about just about anything; he particularly liked to chew out the Captain who ran the bomb dump in public. He once chewed my a$$ because His desk was a mess. Other days, he would come in an hour late in a uniform that it looked like he had slept in and didn't give a sh*t about anything.

My last boss was so much like Kramer that my co-worker and I actually called him that on many occassions. He'd bust through the door, look around, shifting his eyes; mouth slightly agap, and then say "DBIE! I need.... blahblahblah"

July 27, 2007

Toluca Nole sends...

March 6, 1836

On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up and walked from his bunk on the floor and walked up to the observation post which was on the west wall. Col. William B. Travis and Jim Bowie were already up there.

As the three gazed at the hordes of Mexicans moving steadily towards them, Davy turned to Bowie with a puzzled look on his face and asked,

July 25, 2007

There but for the grace of God go we...

The joys of a live-in remodel, installment 7, courtesy the Armorer's Sister. Thank heavens I have a place to live while the smelly men with plumber's pants rip apart the house to make it better....

Water, water everywhere. Our prayers that it would not rain while the roof was open were not effective. On Thursday I returned home to see the project foreman hauling 4 fans up my driveway. I asked him if I should be concerned and he replied, “Yeah, a little bit.” Now there’s an understatement for you. We had one of those sudden summer afternoon deluges (almost 2 inches of rain) and they could not cover the trusses in time. Erin was home and listened to them yell at each other as they scrambled to get it done. She decided the better part of valor was to take the dog to the basement and hide.

They mopped up the kitchen floor and the basement utility room floor. They pulled up the carpet in the basement family room and the fans are still running. The carpet must be getting drier because the house doesn’t smell like wet carpet any more. The kitchen and dining room ceilings are stained and the back door is so warped that Ed is the only person strong enough open and close it. It really doesn’t matter because that door will be removed, but it would have been nice to have it functional for a while longer. Sigh.

Yesterday our drains backed up. The tree roots won again. I really love my great big pin oaks, but I wish they didn’t have roots. It’s a good thing the contractor has plumbers on the payroll. I wonder how many honey-do projects I can get done.

There are no pipes of sufficient size for the drains we need on that side of the house, so our basement floor is being trenched from the downstairs bathroom, down the hallway, and through the utility room to lay some pipe. I would guess it is a good 30 feet. I am glad that I am having a root canal today so I won’t be around for the noise. Yes, I really am having a root canal today.

Here is the best part of all: we got to entertain in our little piece of paradise. Ed’s sister, whom I dearly love, came to visit this weekend. She was very gracious about the state of our abode. She will be the last houseguest until this is all done.

July 7, 2007

Concern in the heartland...

...though not quite of the same nature as covered in yesterday's H&I Fires.

An email this morning:

Some folks that hang out at the feed store are convinced that some kind of extremist muslim terrorist camp has been started up in the Easton area. Seems there have been reports of explosions and gunfire coming from those parts. Care to make a statement, sir?

The Official Response from Castle Argghhh! PR:

No worries!

I want to assure my new neighbors that we're not being over-run by any diaperhat-wearing poopy-heads. It's a buncha right-wing wackadoos, so they should stand down their worry-gene.

Rotarians, mostly. You know how dangerous *those* guys are!

Come to think of it - they all have military training, too, and at least two have significant arsenals that include small artillery.

But it's far more "Dad's Army" and "Gomer Pyle, USMC" than it is "24." No need for a Ruby Ridge or Waco op.

Gad, one of those buffoons didn't even have a magazine in his weapon, for pity's sake!

(With appropriate comment for each state, i.e "Delaware: We were first, but haven't done much since then" and "New Jersey: You have the right to remain silent..." and "South Carolina: Too small to be a country, too large to be a lunatic asylum!"............etc.)

"Because of the zombies. Always handy to know where to flee when the zombies are on their way."

Oh, come on. We zombies aren't that bad. Ask Chief Bill. Usually we just pilfer his beer. Play street hockey out in front of his domicile. And watch the guys cable televison 'cause it's to expensive to get movie channels on our own. Why's everyone always afraid of gradschool zombies? (mmmmm, brains)

June 30, 2007

A report from Remodel He11 and a note on genetics.

My sister's live-in remodel continues. I was going to say, "apace" but this is anything *but* "apace." It does have a pace, but it ain't a real fast one.

When last I wrote, a hole had been started in my yard. The next day the hole was made larger. That also meant that two mountains of dirt from the hole had been constructed on the lawn. Who needs grass anyway? A small amount of lumber had also appeared.

Then.…..they went away. No activity for two days (really four because of the weekend).

On Monday, two guys came and put a couple of stakes in the hole. Then they left and didn’t come back. I hope they get paid by the job.

On Tuesday, a bunch of guys came and pounded stakes into the bottom of the hole, wound some strings around the stakes, poked some new rebar in the dirt, and created a form for the foundation. I don’t know how long they were there, but at least there was some progress.

On Wednesday, a cement mixer came. They put a pipe up over my roof and dumped cement into the bottom of the hole and filled the forms. You know what Dodger did when that happened. The trend is strengthening.

On Wednesday evening, it began to rain. A lot. It rained a lot all night long and into the morning. When we arose this morning, we had a lovely cement pond surrounded by a muddy moat, ringed by eroding mountains of dirt. But we have the beginnings of a foundation, so all is good.

For those who have been following this saga, and remember the discussion of the pile of rebar snakes, concrete, and how delicate certain strains of grass are to be mauled by a bobcat - here's proof.

Moving on to genetics, or "The acorn doesn't fall far from the tree." The Castle Guard Force consists of the Exterior Guard, a force of two dogs scrup'ls and the 8 felines who consitute the Interior Guard. All are foundlings of one sort or another. I used to wonder if there was a marking on my forehead which reads "sucker" in Cat and Dog.

Heh. It's either that or a pheromone or something. Why do I say that? This note from the Armorer's Father will explain:

There is a new resident in the old house. Dee Corn called me Tuesday evening upset about a kitten that was living in her back yard. Very young and constantly crying. Her two dogs were not pleased, but she was slipping water and milk to the creature. She called for advice but and before I could think of a good excuse to avoid it she was at my door with this very young teeny black and white fluff ball.

The kitty decided I was mama. climbed up my leg using ice climbing crampons and stuck her nose in my eye, mewing pitifully.

Of course she spent the night, much to the disgust of my other two housemates. She slept with me, or to be more accurate, we occupied the bed together. She cried most of the night resting on my chest. Damncat wouldn't speak to me (except at meal time) and Biby was an aggressively nasty hostess.

Yesterday was the first window replacement day so I spent most of the day trying to keep the animals from escaping and keeping the little one away from the feet of the workmen.

Last night was calm. The crying had stopped, but I still had a little body clinging to me most of the night.

Today Damncat has adopted his the "if I ignore it will go away" stance, but the BIB is still hissing & growling & sputtering. She blames me of course & won't let me come close except to fill her dish.

We have an appointment with John Williams tomorrow.

I have tentively named fuzzball Elizabeth - Lizzie for short, at least until I can come up with more appropriate like fuzzball or darned cat or needlefoot (I look like a drug addict)

You can also see where I learned my naming conventions. Given we have cats named Barnacle, Little Girl, Rest Stop... And Dad had one named Noname... Damncat is pretty obvious - but Biby (more correctly, the acronym BIB) - well, that's short for Bitch In the Basement.

And she is.

But she's family. And now, so is Lizzie. That little pointy-ended fluffball doesn't know how good she's got it.

My vet just sighed "there's a sign somewhere that says --this way to the sucker's house" when I brought in my new cat. He walked out of the woods near the house, and announced that he was now home and what was the hold up with the food already.....

Only have one... and one dog. Getting ready to PCS (we hope) dog will stay here with neighbour, cat comes with.

Ok, so I can't walk on water after all.
Are you happy now?
Because you will not be later...

by KCSteve on June 29, 2007 11:59 AM

Another military secret revealed by the NY Times- Evil military teams have been training cats to sneak through sewer lines to emerge at their targets through plumbing fixtures.
Army officials, and Karl Rove, of course, denied any such program exists.

***He was close, real close. I couldn't see him yet, but I could feel him, as if the boat were being sucked upriver and the water was flowing back into the jungle. Whatever was going to happen, it wasn't gonna be the way they call it back in Nha Trang.***

June 21, 2007

Living in Aitch-Eee-Double-Hockeysticks.

The Armorer's sister, who doesn't blog but is a reader of this space, has been keeping us apprised of the joys of a live-in remodel.

Thank heavens we won't have to live-in when we start work on the New Castle Argghhh! (closing is next Friday). Her first missive is here.

Did you know that zoysia grass is very sensitive to weight? For instance, if you put things like a backhoe, a bobcat, or chunks of concrete on it, or even drive the vehicles on it, it will die. Fifteen boys from the neighborhood playing football on it won’t hurt it at all, however. It also tolerates shade and drought very well. It simply doesn’t like weight.

Well, the pilot light mystery has been solved. It wouldn’t light because there was no gas. The gas company surreptitiously moved the gas line and didn’t tell the contractor they had done so. We, of course, were blissfully unaware on Thursday evening as we happily used up all the hot water left in the tank. When I returned home on Friday evening it had almost been rectified and the project supervisor was embarrassed. I told him I have already begun a journal about living in my home while it is being remodeled. He told me that wasn’t a good sign. Not good for whom, I wonder?

No one came to empty the dumpster on Friday, either, so the concrete chunks stayed where they were for the weekend. They were removed on Monday. It is a puzzlement, but they left the bent, twisted pieces of rebar that resemble a nest of snakes. It is not a lovely modern sculpture for my lawn, but perhaps it will grow on me.

It rained after they removed the concrete. Rain and dirt make mud. The puddles that formed in the clay looked like they were filled with the broth from Campbell’s condensed navy bean soup because we have truly awful soil. Rain also meant that work was done for the day.

I'd give him a bye on "Danny Boy" and Daniel O'Donnell, but rejecting the Pipes and "Men of Harlech" is not on. He's probably a Robbie Williams groupie.

Cheers

by J.M. Heinrichs on June 17, 2007 1:36 PM

Or a music critic.

The Eire-ish invented the bagpipes for use during battle, lo, those many years ago, when I'd finally perfected the recipe for mud. Then they gave the things to the Scots, who *still* think they're really a musical instrument.

June 16, 2007

This is too funny not to share. Remodeling hell.

The Armorer's sister, who lurks here (and the fact that she does so is a vindication of The Rulez and your general demeanor as commenters) is doing what SWWBO and I are - her husband and she are getting a new place to live. The difference is, SWWBO and I being really lazy, we went and bought .02% of the county to do it. My sister and her family have entered Hell... a live-in remodel.

I'll let her take it from here...

Oh my. Although signs of impending disaster have been accumulating since early this week (a really large dumpster in my driveway and spray paint on my grass marking gas and water lines), yesterday they began in earnest. When I got home from work, my patio was in chunks, the neighbor’s tree had been cut down (yes, we had permission to do that), my flag pole was in pieces on the ground, and the shrubbery I have disliked for 12 years had been ripped out leaving a large area of, well, dirt.

The air conditioner guys were still there moving my unit and running in-and-out so often it made my head spin. The grill, which I had planned to use to cook, was now about 20 feet away from the back door in the middle of the yard. The large chunks of patio were between it and me. The grill now resides in the garage.

The dog was so upset by all of this commotion that he peed all over the place yesterday. When Erin got home, he would wet on the floor every time she left him alone. He calmed down once his family had all come home to comfort him and take him out for walkies since his fence has been taken down and there are large chunks of concrete at the back door.

This morning we got up to discover that the pilot light on the water heater had gone out. We think that has to do with the moving of the air conditioner. We couldn’t get it relit, so hopefully one of the workers at the house today will be able to get it working. No one in the Hanson household had a shower this morning, so stay down wind of us. Cold sponge baths are not much fun and I had to deal with my terrible bed head by sticking my head under the cold sink faucet! I do realize that millions of persons all over the world would consider themselves fortunate to live in a home with air conditioning and running water, even if it isn’t hot. I just wasn’t ready for it.

This has nothing to do with the remodel, but the ice dispenser on the fridge is broken and keeps dispensing parts. So far, it has produced a plug, a pin, and a spring loaded bracket. Someone will come fix that next week. Good thing I called when I did because my warranty expired yesterday. Since I called before the expiration, it will be covered. I sincerely hope the repair person will be able to enter the house!

Please pray that every day is not as eventful as day 1.

Oh, I *am* conflicted. If each day is as funny to be an *observer* of as this one...

I responded:

Heh. I guess the 40-or-so ticks that Beth and I removed from each other in a stunning display of primate grooming behavior does, indeed, pale beside this.

Thankfully, we're going to have a place to live while the new place gets some remodeling done.

The latent Safety Officer in me is driving me to intone "We're not going to *cook* in the garage, are we?" 8^)

The odd thing about the ticks... the dogs had none. Frontline works for them. The stuff we used kept the ticks off of our feet and legs... but did nothing to stop the little vermin from parachuting onto our heads and shoulders from the branches above.

Heh. "Airborne! Death from Above!" indeed.

However, I'll take the requirements of primate grooming behavior (less eating the ticks, mind you) over your fun and adventure!

The radon, structural, and termite inspections are done for the new place with no major problems to report...

I am *so* looking forward to the series. Shoot, I may make you a guest-blogger if it remains this engrossing and amusing!

She responded...

I think you write better than I, but I can compose a few words. Don’t you find it ironic that they took the flag pole down on Flag Day? We couldn’t have flown a flag anyway because the tree that was removed had covered the flag pole in its entirety.

No, we won’t cook in the garage. The grill just won’t wander about the yard at the whim of a workman if I store it there. We will grill on the driveway next to the dumpster, silly. I think all people should have a cooking appliance next to a giant trash bin.

Is there Frontline for humans? If not, you will be rich if you invent it. Honestly, yuck. The tick bite I got at the Renaissance Festival was incredibly gross and scary. When I did a google search on tick bites, the photo captioned “Lyme disease” looked exactly like the mess on my body. Dr. V's response when she looked at it was “Oh, that’s nasty!” Not words you want to hear from your doctor. I had to take meds for 21 days. Someone on Beth’s blog suggested guinea hens. Buy some now. Do bats eat ticks? I know they are good for mosquitoes. Do you have a cave for bats?

I will keep you apprised of the ongoing saga.

Methinks the Armorer's Sister writes just fine.

Regardless, from both of us, Thanks, Mom. And Dad, too - it wouldn't have happened without both of you.

I think your Mom's spirit is showing in how well both of you find humor in the challenges ... Good for you, Sis :-) And I concur with John that your writing is just fine. I don't envy you the remodeling -- good luck, and any time you want to share the trials and tribulations, the Denizens will be happy to know what we're missing!

Having built a house, while living in another, I can say with certainty that it's a frustrating process in general. Watching it done to the house while you live in in -- yow!

In my youngaer days, when I was under the care of the nuns, who strived mightily to save my heathen soul, I was taught that for those who sinned enough to keep them from an immediate entry into Heaven, but not enough to merit eternal damnation, there was a special place called Purgatory where you paid for those sins.

I found that they were right. You find Purgatory here on Earth and it begins the day the congractor shows up to begin any remodelling job. And it goes on. and on, and on. The punishment NEVER finishes when promised. There are ALWAYS "unexpected delays" that stretch ad nauseum. And, when the contractor finally says the job is finished we give a great sigh of releief and swear that we will NEVER go through that again.

But we humans are weak, and the body has little memory for pain. And so we fall back into our sinfull ways, and then one day it is again payback time, and one of you turns to the other and says "Don't you think it's about time we got a contractor in here and .....?"

My condolences to both of you.

Marine6 Sends

by Marine6 on June 16, 2007 10:08 AM

Muuuuuwaaahahahahahaaa!

After 2 months of sleeping on the floor downstairs, my wife and daughter are now sleeping in their own beds in a newly remodeled upstairs.

Me? I bailed--timed the MD-11 upgrade perfectly, spending most of my time at the crash pad in Memphis or the hotel in Anchorage taking classes and flying the sim. It always "happens" when man-child deploys, eh, ladies?

That said, I was there for the strategic "discussions" with the contractor and came and went enough times to provide the Alpha Male vs. Alpha Male stare-downs, so to speak, when necessary.

Fortunately, that wasn't needed very often 'cause our worker team was 99% Amish (sans beards and wide brimmed hats), were mostly related to one another in some way (made for better comms), and were fiercely proud of their workmanship. It "hurt so good" as it were, putting up with the inconvenience but watching an old house with an old layout be transformed into a really nice place (upstairs at least...gotta make Captain for the kitchen/downstairs project, heh). That, plus the complete reinforcement of the roof and rewiring throughout the upstairs, built-in cabinets, desk and TV corner in the new office and new shower/commode/heated floor in the master bedroom. Like a skillfully done root canal, trust me, it's worth the pain in the long run.

We're living in the house while (after 29 years of residency) remodeling.

But nothing like this; just a little dry rot under the bathroom floors, and one single, solitary piece of external trim with dry-wood termites, and not a single, solitary other of the white pests.

I've got to show my wife this post...

by steveH on June 16, 2007 7:08 PM

Well, my sister is doing a rather extensive remodel.

They are essentially ripping out the back wall and extending the house 10 feet or so in that direction, along with a complete kitchen remodel, and replacing *all* the 40 year old windows.

It's rather expansive.

What we intend for our place is to remove a wall and extend the master suite into one of the small bedrooms, and to replace a window in the master suite with a door to the deck, to update the master bath, and build the Vault of Argghhh! in the basement, so that the basement essentially turns into a walk-in gun safe/museum.

Nothing at all like my sister is doing.

Well, there's also the stall-construction in the barn, and the creation of the Tack Room of Argghhh! and the Workshop of Argghhh! out in that 50x70 barn...

June 10, 2007

Helpful Hints for Driving in NW Arkansas.

I've been driving in this area off and on for years - conducting Staff Rides at Pea Ridge, or driving through on my way to visit relatives in Conway and Little Rock. Bloodspite, who lives just north of the border in Missouri, offers up these tips to help you navigate your way through the area.

Interestingly - both of the farms we looked at have NW Arkansas connections. The owners of the one up in Buchanan County, Missouri, just retired to the Beaver Lake area, and our new neighbors are going to spend the next week camping at Beaver Lake. Heh.

For reasons which will become apparent later - here are some snippets:

If your NW ARK map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If you're in Rogers or Bentonville and your map is one day old, then it is already obsolete.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.

If someone actually has a turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.

All old ladies with blue hair in tank cars have the right of way. PERIOD.

Highway 540 in rush hour is the NWA equivalent of NASCAR. Just shut up and drive like the rest of us.

With these simple rules in mind, you are now ready to drive in NW ARK.

Please try and keep up.

Aha! The truth is out - Bloodspite swiped that from this blogger - Res Ipsa Loquitur. So you should go there to read the rest. Bad Bloodspite for not attributing this! [stern look] But he did make good in the comments - so we edited out most of it - that Ms. Res Ipsa will better benefit from the traffic in atonement for BS's bs.

LMFAO....
Considering I just got off the phone with a good friend of mine, who is CURRENTLY STUCK ON THE HIGHWAY IN ARKANSAS.... I am SOOO laughing!!!! And yes, I'm sending her a link to this.
You would not believe how many accidents she's been stuck behind/saw going the opposite direction in Arkansas over the past month or so. SCARY

by AFSister on June 10, 2007 9:43 PM

Well at the time I E-mailed it I figured you'd go "Funny ha ha" and delete it :P

Once I saw you linked I had to make sure she got credit where it was due. Especially as she knows where I live....and they live close to me....and I work in the same facility as her husband sometimes....and dangit she just *might* kick me in the shins! ;)

That added to my currently weird sleep/work schedule didn't help communication either lol

June 9, 2007

Indeed. No Moar Taxes!

The Rodent Consortium have insisted they will not be swayed by cheap cheez bribes. They stated Happycat does not represent the best interests of their constituents who fear a massacre in the event of his election.

The consortium supports Sneekyrat who promises neutering for all felines and an expected expansion of the dairy industry.

Bovines Inc. may grant limited support for the Consortium provided exploitation issues are resolved. In response, Happycat is offering generous milk saucer contracts to swing support away from the Rodents.

I have nothing witty, interesting, or remotely intelligent to say except a heartfelt "thank you" for brightening a hot, hazy, and humid Friday in Toronto, Canada. Thank God for A/C in the old igloo or it would be a really crummy Friday.

Dang, forgot to do the H.R on the pic, (up late with a stinky sewer pipe issue). Should-a known by the turret though, Merkava MK-4?., not the M1-A1.

Getting down and giving 20!

by Richard on June 8, 2007 11:31 AM

"SHLOMO!!" "AGAIN WITH THE H.E ROUND?!!!" "AGAIN LOADING WITH THE ESCAPE HATCH OPEN?!!"SHLOMO?!!!""I
SEE YOU HIDING BEHIND ARI!" "GET YOUR TRENCHING TOOL AND GET YOUR $#%@*($* A$$ OUT OF MY TANK!!!" " YOU HAVE WORK TO DO!"

Looks like someone with more enthusiasm than knowledge tried to reinstitute the venerable naval tradition of keelhauling. I wonder what the plane did wrong? And those guys seem mighty calm in there. Must have been really good strawberries ;-)

I know that you will be surprise to read from somebody you have not known or seen before, But behold" I entreat you to take the will for the deed. I believed it is indeed one of the miraculous work of God that I got your contact coincidentally when I was searching for the relatives of my late client: Mr. Dasne M. Donovan.

Well, On The 4th of May 2002 My Client,involved in an Aero plane Crash (while on a picnic-trip.) involving The BAC 111-500 belonging to EAS AIRLINES. Which the Pilot, 7 Crew Members and 65 Passengers on board unfortunately lost their lives.

To throw lights on this and more prove of my story, Please click the under mentioned

Since then I have made several enquiries to his embassy to see if I can locate any of my clients extended relatives, this has all the while proved unsuccessful. After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to trace his relatives (i.e. same surname) over the Internet, to locate any member of his family but of to no avail.

Basically I am contacting you to assist in accommodating a mega amount of money left behind by my late client before it is confiscated or declared dormant by the Bank where this huge approved contract fund is floating unclaimed . The Bank where my late client had an approved contract payment valued at eighteen Million, United States Dollars (US$18,000 000.00) has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin to my late client to claim this money or have the fund confiscated by the Bank.

Therefore, Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 4 years now, I am seeking for your permission to present you as the Next of kin of the deceased since you are still a foreigner , and most fortunately your Surname is the same with my late client, It will be easier and convincing to present you as the next of kin to my late client Mr. Dasne M,So that the proceeds of this fund valued at (US$18,000 000.00) can be paid to you.

Then after the transfer, It will be shared as follow: First and foremost, 10% of the total fund will be donated to Church and Motherless babies home in your country, Then you and I will share the remaining money, 45% for me and 40% for you, while the remaining 5% will be
used to defray all our expenses incurred during the course of this transaction such like Telephone bills, Vats and Taxes as the bank or your government may require. I have all the necessary legal documents that can be used to back up this claim such like e.g Death certificate of my client , e.t.c. which I will furnish to you upon your acceptance to do this deal with me.

All I require is your honesty, mutual understanding and co-operation to enable us actualize this lucrative deal which is a golden opportunity for us to make wealth for our individual families. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Please get in touch with me by my email or mobile phone numbers as indicated above so that we can commence the documentations quickly.

I assure you sirrah, I am *very* "suprise to read from somebody you have not known or seen before" regarding rich dead relatives in Africa. Dare I suggest that I am *also* very sceptical - nay, convinced, that this is a 419 Scam? Don't be waiting by that phone for too long, buddy. It ain't ringing.

June 1, 2007

Top 10 Signs You Are Blogging Too Much.

1. Your immediate reaction to seeing a "ten signs you are blogging too much." is to blog your own top ten. [um... er, ah...]

2. You bought a new hard drive just so you had enough room to backup your list of RSS feeds. [Nope.]

3. Your spouse carries a picture of the back of your head in their wallet because this is what they normally see. [Well, it's actually a profile as she sees me when she walks by in the hallway.]

4. Sitemeter goes down and you have a panic attack. [Well, only if the *numbers of visitors* go down. I can live with the server going down - then everybody on my server, at least, is suffering.]

5. Your philosophy comes down to that there are two things in life - bloggable/unbloggable. [um, guilty]

6. You have a bumper sticker that says "I ♥ my Aggregator." [Nope, dodged this one. Don't even *use* an aggregator. Yet.]

7. When you have just got done reading 500 some posts your first instinct is to hit refresh to see if any more have been written. [Thankfully, no. Unless they're comments on *my* site.]

8. You don't always remember your wedding anniversary but can instantly remember the year, month, day, and hour you started blogging. [Nope. SWWBO trained me better than that - besides, that's what the archive thingy is for. So I don't have to remember, I can just look it up.]

9. You are more concerned about comment spam than Homeland Security and while you are against the death penalty in general you think surely for Trolls deserve the exception. [Yeah, so?]

10. The first thing you do when visiting a new blog is to see if your blog is on their blogroll. If not you try to find a post where you can immediately leave an intelligent and witty comment so that they will immediately add you. [Well, sometimes.]

Heh. The #1 reason you know you are too into the whole thing? Aside from having your buddy laser-engrave the Castle logo on your gun rack, and bar mugs?

When you announce to the world that you are #1 on Google for "I bayoneted myself" at the Milblogger Conference... and everybody thought that was funny, vice a shocked silence.

And then you keep mentioning it... because, well, you want to *stay* number one~!

My top sign about blogging too much was one morning when my sister picked me up very early for breakfast. I got in the car and started to talk about a "conversation" I had been part of. She turned to me and asked "How can you have stories, I dropped you off late last night! You haven't seen anyone!" My reply, "Oh, it was at the Castle." That's when I realized that no matter how late I got in at night.....no matter how tired I was.....I still had to check in here and at my own place.

Dittos to what Maggie said - Have to check email and the Castle. And even if I checked it before bed, I always check it in the am - because from the west coast, something almost Always happens between my bedtime and my wake-up time :-)

Speaking of movies, that pic reminds me of the scene in "Dr. Strangelove" where General Turgidson gets the phone call to come in to work.

Speaking of "Dr. Strangelove", that reminds me that Phil Rowe, who used to ride a back seat in a B-58, said that everybody at his base was forbidden to watch the movie; that they all snuck into town in civvies anyway to do so; and that he identified the guy who gave the order in the theater, also in civvies. I think each affected not to notice the other, from what I remember of his writing

P.s. Let me say there may be some errors in what I wrote above, but that is essentially, if not actually true, and that it was no uh, poo. Hey, it's a second-hand story, I'd point y'all to Phil's first-person version if it's still up on the Web and I can find it.

May 13, 2007

Gurls Gone Wyld, Milblogger Edition.

Finally, the camera I left at Carrie's has made it home, and I can help keep the Milblogger conference lingering a while longer in the public eye. Of course, I have to resort to pics of nekkid gurls to do it. Well, not entirely true, tomorrow I'm going to tag Noonan. But, come to think of it, oh, never mind. Moving on!

Since today is Mother's Day, it seems appropriate to show you a horde of milbloggin' mothers (whether actual or just in nature) partyin' hearty at Carrie's domicile.

Oh, sure, they look demure and well behaved and all. Heh. Only because it's a photo, not a video. They were a wriggling, giggling mass. This was a milblogging-male's dream - a sorority party where you're the only guy! (Carrie's husband, Will, who refers to all of us as Carrie's "Invisible Friends" was polite, but didn't hang around much. Prolly got High Level Guidance from "8th and I" about hanging around OPSEC threats like us!)

well so much for being able to forget about 'the wine glass incident' ...but at least the evidence proves that it was my back pocket cell phone attacking the glass instead of my actual booty! It wouldn't be a complete review of the evening without mention of the excellent dinner! I'll bring the plastic cups next year :-)

by Sara on May 13, 2007 6:16 PM

(I swear I only pushed the post button once!)

by Sara on May 13, 2007 6:18 PM

Welcome to the Castle Echo, Sara. I had it installed to falsely inflate my commenting stats!

This is the last group of ladies I'd expect with jello and a tarp, that stuff only happens... does that stuff ever happen? Sorry my sense of humor has been twisted by hanging out with too many Marines. Happy Mother's day everyone!

as long as your stats aren't the only thing that's falsely inflated and you don't photoshop any booty shots :-)

as for jello and tarps, if it's something that our deployed heroes will get a kick out of.....

....then the guys should go right ahead and enjoy themselves, the gurlz will be happy to document the event in great detail!

[as for falsley inflated, I'll refer you to SWWBO. I think I destroyed all those pictures from that time we got drunk in Reno... I hope I did. Heh. If my sister reads this deep into the comments, she's retching about now -the Armorer]

by Sara on May 14, 2007 6:20 AM

(er...that would be "..ARE falsey inflated..." need coffee...)

by Sara on May 14, 2007 6:22 AM

John was the only guy there? I hadn't even noticed...it's as if he was one of the girls. giggle giggle.

Thanks to Carrie (& Hubby) for having us all til the wee hours. I'm sure your imaginary friends, weren't so imaginary while hubby was trying to sleep. :-)

It was the most fun I had all weekend and my weekend was fun.

Jello and Tarps...? I could do jello...I could do tarps.

by Mrs G on May 14, 2007 6:44 AM

Requesting the great armorer to blast that last question mark into a period please.
Thank You

Of course this picture would not have been possible without the inspiration of some fabulous wine and the best corn pudding recipe in the world (Carrie has graciously shared). Hey if you're really lucky Carrie will let you read her "Man Porn" book....Ladies this is definitely a keeper!

by Lisa on May 14, 2007 7:54 AM

Heh. The "Man Porn" book. I read it. Not that there was much to read, with all those gay models in it.

It essentially posits all gurls are, in fact, lesbians.

Because what they find attractive in porn is essentially a woman with a package.

The Imaginary Friends are having too much fun!
I want to witness jello and tarps, corn pudding, and Man Porn! Your an intersting bunch, no doubt!

by Winnie on May 14, 2007 1:40 PM

The IMAGINARY friends are having too much fun!
There are others who are curious about jello and tarps, corn pudding, wigglin and gigglin, Man Porn and more... there needs to be more humor in military lives, that's what friends are for, right? Thanks for the giggles and jello wiggles.
Carrie is by far, one of the best hostesses I know and her husband is awesome!
Color me green!

May 8, 2007

Dang Canadians, always spying on us!

Remember the story from last year where there was a DoD warning put out about contractors in Canada having spy gear planted on them?

The high-tech device... was a Canadian commemorative coin. According to Fox News:

The odd-looking — but harmless — "poppy coin" was so unfamiliar to suspicious U.S. Army contractors traveling in Canada that they filed confidential espionage accounts about them. The worried contractors described the coins as "anomalous" and "filled with something man-made that looked like nano-technology," according to once-classified U.S. government reports and e-mails obtained by the AP.

The Globe and Mail goes into rather more detail - and, to me, amusing detail.

"It did not appear to be electronic (analog) in nature or have a power source," wrote one U.S. contractor, who discovered the coin in the cup holder of a rental car. "Under high power microscope, it appeared to be complex consisting of several layers of clear, but different material, with a wire like mesh suspended on top."

The confidential accounts led to a sensational warning from the Defence Security Service, an agency of the Defence Department, that mysterious coins with radio frequency transmitters were found planted on U.S. contractors with classified security clearances on at least three separate occasions between October 2005 and January 2006 as the contractors travelled through Canada.

You really should read the whole Globe and Mail piece. It's, well, funny.

I rather think Bill Ockham's toiletries should have been applied rather earlier in the process than they were. Me, I'm guessing I would have looked at the coin and said, "Hey, kewl coin!" Of course, I know the symbolism of the Poppy, and might have connected that to the word "Remember" on the coin.

H/t, CAPT H and beery Alan.

But then, I'm not clever enough to work in the intel business. Heh. Someone could have just... asked, or something.

Ask! But that would provide the opportunity to for the enemy to perfectly recall the thousands of coins and reissue fakes We all know the commie secret code is RED and poppies are from Afghanistan Terrorists! My beady eye is watching you.

Actually i think it's quite a nice coin and a good idea.

by Trias on May 8, 2007 8:47 AM

I thought it was funny the whole time. I saw this previously and thought it was just a coin. I figured, for the "it's spy technology" thing to come out, they would have already taken it apart and saw it's "fiddly bits" before they pronounced it as such.

Egad. All the jokes about "intelligence" being a misnomer spring to mind.

What gets me is that all of us up here in the snowy white expanse were ticked off that the poppy looked like it had been printed on a dot-matrix printer, and came off the coin like a scratch-'n-win lottery ticket. How anyone could confuse such tacky artwork with a high-tech spy device is baffling.

Boy, I wonder what our intrepid defense (with an S since he's one of yours) contractor would have done with one of these, which, like the poppy quarter are legal tender in the Hoser Nation?

A funny story making the rounds in .mil email.

Update: Ooops. Ry is right. How sad he knows my archives better than I do? The original post is here... over *2* years ago. Heh. That's not short-term memory, so I can't blame Alzheimer's for this one.

I didn't think of it, emailing. I do all kinds of other things but didn't think of that one. Yeah, I'm an odd one. Ooops.

by ry on May 1, 2007 12:43 PM

Oh my God! I've been laughing so hard I've been crying for 10 minutes! I haven't laughed this hard since the first time I saw "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum." Thanks for an evening of unbridled joy!

Asymmetric Warfare

How do you shut down a US air campaign with little risk?

Put 'em in danger of trouble with PETA.

This photo was taken at Eielson Air Force Base in Alaska around 2003. The large critter is a moose, and the F-16 in the picture ain't going anywhere until the moose decides to leave. The Eielson base and the surrounding area is home to over 500 moose. After September 11, 2001, the usual hunting activity (to keep the moose population down) was curtailed when the base was closed to civilians. But this policy was soon changed to allow the hunters to go in and keep the moose population under control. Since there are not enough local wolves (fewer than a dozen) to keep the moose population down, without the hunters, many moose would starve over the long Winters because of a lack of sufficient food for a larger herd.

The guy who let me fly his Grumman Widgeon for about 20 minutes wrote a book which he had privately published, called "Moose Stew." He bought the Widgeon so that he could fly to Canada and shoot mooses, or moose, or meese, or something. He always claimed that moose meat is very yummy, but that the Canadian hunting guide business is a cheatin' racket.

I remember pulling out of the driveway on my way to work one winter AM (it was dark) and seeing a flash go off to my right. I look over and see someone standing on their front porch taking a picture of a moose nibbling leaves off their tree in their front yard. Only in Alaska...

And it was commonplace for dismissal of school to be held up because of a moose in the parking lot. Momma moose are mean, NASTY creatures if they have their babies with them.

The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly and the men how to give the necessary assurances to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy -- she said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial; it strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make your delivery that much easier!"

She then looked at the men in the room. "And gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with your partner."

The room became very quiet as everyone absorbed this information. Then, a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

"Yes?" asked the instructor.

"I was just wondering -- wouldn't it be even *more* beneficial to her if she carried a golf bag while we walk?"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Heh. And a tip o' the flight helmet with the 7.62mm groove over the left earcup to Ben Hogan's protegeV29.

*ba dum-dum*
I actually saw this the morning you posted it, and giggled. But the events of the day overtook it, I guess. Since I've never been pregnant, I can afford to laugh. Hopefully the women out there who have borne children won't hold it against me ;-)

April 6, 2007

How Government Contracts Work

This one from Walt, one of the old farts former crewchiefs in the 162d AHC:

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Three contractors are bidding to resurface the Congressional Parking Lot -- one from Florida, another from Tennessee and the third, New Jersey. They go with a House official to examine the parking lot.

The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The New Jersey contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The New Jersey contractor whispers back, "$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to do the work."

Barb - our crooks have one saving grace (if you can call it that) -- they don't start preaching that they're doing it for the children. They *know* that we know they're crooked as a scruple's hind leg.

They don't want to get us totally hacked off because *some* of us'll be sitting jury duty when they finally get a bit too greedy, like Wayne Bryant did.

Right now, I think there are still four Dems in the NJ Senate who *aren't* under federal investigation. But then, it's only April...

April 2, 2007

The Air Force announces new awards schema...

Courtesy Oldloadr's daughter, currently serving in the Chairforce in Germany...

Click the award below to get the .pdf of the whole new schema. Warning - there is a tiny bit of naughty in there. Nothing horrible, just be aware of your surroundings.

Duck and Cover Award
Awarded to Airmen who spent their entire deployment at a Forward Operating Base (FOB); the only real sign of war was the occasional “Duck and Cover”siren that followed infrequent mortar attacks.

Update: I'm thinking I should make it clear - this came from an Air Force Source - I stripped the data from the original ppt before I pdf'd it - this is zoomies poking fun at themselves, like the Army has Bob On The FOB (click the "comic archive" button in the sidebar).

John - I thought it was pretty even handed; lots of little digs on ourselves (AF) and one big dig on the Army: all of which based on our collective stereotypes of ourselves and each other. I always felt that if I can't laugh at the jokes about the Af, I don't deserve to laugh at the jokes about the Army, Navy, USMC...
BTW, the worse things get in the world in general and the ME in particular, the more we all need a laugh every now and then...

April 1, 2007

Another Motivator....

Update: BTW - I'm just the publisher of these things. The actual *creator* of them is a sailor who sails Joint waters. I need to stick that disclaimer in because Lex (and, I assume, others) came away from this with the assumption that *I'm* the creator.

Ok, You said the first guess doesn't count. But it still looks like BB64 - USS Wisconsin.

by JimD on March 28, 2007 6:55 AM

Bow on view of a battleship. Scrolling down on your own site indicates there are apartments to the right side of dock area, outside of camera shot, and that you would live there if a broadside view met you each morning. USS Wisconsin.

by HH on March 28, 2007 7:12 AM

Proof positive that Maggie will be charging down to the waterfront with her everriculum spread.

USS Kentucky, which was grafted onto the Wisconsin after the collision with a destroyer in the 50's?

by Moose on March 28, 2007 8:57 AM

Well it ain't the Hue City although it could be the Kentucky but we'd need to check against the Camden and the Sacramento to be sure with some metallurgical analysis :)

We know for dang sure it's not the Enterprise (one of my Dad's old Ships)

It could have been the Pasadena but she was sold for scrap in 1972.

I toyed with the idea that it might be the USS Hampton (my cousin's old boat. He's part of the deactivation crew for the Rickover now. ) and that I was losing my only-1-cup-of-coffee-fogged mind, but it's definitely not a sub.

It's the brow of an Iowa-Class BB. That section you see spead out above her bow once held a pair of quad 40mm AAA mounts.

There's an anchor to port and another to starboard, and that "hole" you see in her bow, topside, is for a tow line to be hauled through.

Respects,

by Gwedd on March 28, 2007 10:03 AM

Comrades,

John, are you talking about the Jack Staff on the bow? If so, my question there is why she has a small National Colour hoisted, rather than her Jack?

For those outside the naughtical loop, a Jack is a flag usually made up of only the canton of a Nation's National Colour, and flwon when in port. For the USA, it's a solid blue field with a single white star for each state.

Respects,

by Gwedd on March 28, 2007 10:10 AM

Moose! We have a winnah!

It is the brow of the Wisconsin. Except that particular part is a replacement - from the never-completed Kentucky.

When you are forward on the main deck, there is a sign that says... "Welcome to the USS Kentucky."

March 23, 2007

Adding Nothing To The Discourse

Here at The Castle diversity is encouraged. There is no name calling. Even Princess' must obey the Rulez. That said, I am engaging in some totalling partisan tweaking.

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him; an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and; responded, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault.."

i wonder what are the chances of finding a Republican on an unimproved un-named road, just south of two bldgs with a "Y" shaped driveway, west of the railway and Route 67, just south of the town of Mertzon,TX (in Irion County)?

March 20, 2007

More Moonbat* thought...

Need I remind the reader that it is our flag, not the troops, that we salute? It is our nation-state, not a bunch of 20-year-olds in parachute pants, that deserves our allegiance. As a patriot and true American, my heart sings at the thought of the Pentagon, and the zealous, calculating measures undertaken by the proud military bureaucracy of this great superpower. I feel a surge of pride when I think about our high-tech GBU laser-guided bombs, capable of carrying a 2,000-pound warhead. I tied a ribbon around my tree for the safe return of our nation's F-16s, because our military aircraft are instrumental to finishing our work in Iraq. And on the back of my car, I have a sticker stating my support for the CIA's ongoing efforts in Iraq.

I support the occupation, and the occupation alone, because when we start to support the troops, we pave the way for irrelevant concerns about their families back at home. Before you know it, questions about who is and isn't going to be home in time for Christmas will be interfering with the crucial decision-making process of our commander-in-chief.

Read the rest here - but check six, while there isn't any pr0n, there can be a few naughty words in the sidebar.

God sent me back, to continue until the ring had been destroyed, having been cast into the fires of Mt Fuji... Where I'd been sent by 7 homely geisha girls after one soulless night in the Ginsha-kinfe area of Naga-shima, savoring saki-dipped rice, chopstick-fed to me one grain at a time, while my feet were massaged....

Tomorrow's dissertation will be on Chuck's unlikely combo: beets, which we didn't get in RVN, and chianti, which was available, but which nobody drank. And Boq's e-mail won 600,000 Pounds Sterling in Euros, payable in Yoruban Baht ...

And if anybody's curious, the case of Abdominable Voorheaves (sorry 'bout that, H.P.) was *not* due to something I ate...

Massa John will certainly enjoy The Chianti along with some fava beans ***Ffpt-Ffpt-Ffpt***.. The Beets, however may have to be checked-in at the barbican.

And oh - BTW, you'd be glad to know that I'm a step closer to cashing-into them Yoruban Dinars. Having drained-up my 401k, I'm well on my way on maxing-out my 2nd mortgage line of credit. Just one more fee to "settle", & I'll be home-free.

i was thinking more along the lines of some sangria, but a chianti story line is SO much more believable!

by MajMike on March 19, 2007 4:37 PM

[continuing storyline]As I gazed in disbelief at the chromatic puddle on the deck, and my vision telescoped into unconsciousness, I idly speculated on the source of this unexpected addition to my little home away from home. Had I failed to distinguish between the styrofoam cup of coffee (dangerous) and the styrofoam cup of hydraulic fluid drippings being saved for a rainy day?(poisonous)

Had I neglected to notice an upper-body perforation during firefights Nos. 3,5,6, 8, or 11? Perchance a cracked rib, now excavating a lung, from when Hefty Crewmember landed on me during evasive action during firefights Nos. 3,5,6, 8, or 11?

A sudden chill fell over me. I knew what it was. Congo Hemorrhagic Fever. I was doomed! Doomed to hack up my internal organs! But a small voice of reason piped up, just before darkness claimed me, and I was able to croak, "Can't be. Thank God I'm not in Africa."

There's been lots of wonkish discussion (and even an editorial in the WSJ recently) about "Open Skies" to make it easier for US and European airlines to compete in each other's regions. Of course, anything that makes air travel cheaper is good for the consumer, right?

Then there's the airline pilot career field. The above list may be a joke, but it isn't far off. Plus, an airline owner's principal function, given the standard profit margin of 1 to 2 percent in the industry as a whole, is to maximize hours worked and minimize pay and benefits for those actually doing the flying.

While it's grossly unfair, not to mention tedious and unoriginal, to just write them off as evil, rapacious capitalists, there is something to be said for the perennially grotesque relationship between airline management and labor. See Frank Lorenzo for a taste...and note the link is a government website.

Deregulation is, at least hypothetically, a good thing in most cases but the net effect for air travel has been, to put it mildly, somewhat disappointing. I doubt American consumers today are leaning forward in the foxhole to complement the industry as a whole on its efficiency, reliability or reputation for making air travel a pleasant experience. The exception proves the rule.

I avoid air travel as much as possible in my job, and I'm an airline pilot.

Not counting First and Business Class, the best seat is in the front with the special windows that allow one to see forward. Luckily for me, I work in a industry niche where the crews have, to date, been able to avoid the insane scheduling associated with the vast majority of the industry. The regional guys have it the worst...low pay, long hours and an environment that makes mishaps more likely thanks to chronic fatigue. You don't want to know how experienced the guys in front are...or aren't...or how many legs they've flown already that day...or how many mistakes are made in any given flight, despite the number of people on the flight deck.

Alas, management is driven to do what it does by the market and labor is driven to do what they do...by the market. So, while the WSJ editors may celebrate the death, for all practical purposes, of labor unions in the US and encourage a cutthroat competitive landscape among the airlines, my guess is they don't have a clue about the industry at the worker bee level.

But this is the same mentality that sees nothing but good things in a cheap labor pool, whether they be illegal aliens or low-wage foreign airline crews who have little, if any, leverage to insist on safe and sane schedules and competent maintenance practices. Nothing's perfect, not even entrepreneurial capitalism. That's why we have an FAA, but they're overwhelmed.

Just ask their folks that track how the airlines are taking care of their jets--maintenance is now usually outsourced to places/countries you don't want to know about. Maintenance actions are no longer required to be done by fully-qualified Airframe and Powerplant (A&P) techs (FAA-certified aircraft mechanics), just that the final paperwork is signed off by one.

Now, let's extrapolate a bit. If the A&P function can be done by unqualified foreigners, why can't the planes that carry passengers in the United States be flown by unqualified (or shall we say "less experienced foreign") pilots? That's probably not gonna happen, yet. For now, it's too politically explosive because it would be so glaringly obvious in that it would allow the bad guys to eliminate a step in their attack plan. Why storm the cockpit when you can get yourself hired to work there to begin with?

But back to explosives. I wonder how many airplanes could be sabotaged while going through depot maintenance in, say, Pakistan. From the people who bring you world-class customer service for your malfunctioning laptop, I give you...engine overhauls and wingspar inspections by Ali and Mohammed, the Beltbomb Boys! (With apologies to Fred and Mort.) Think Pakistan would be non-starter? OK. How about France? They build the Airbus, which you fly on all the time. They also overhaul them. They also hire high-risk profile individuals to handle luggage at Charles de Gaulle. Maybe the Brits are doing the work...hmmmm. No, I don't think we're immune from this kind of infiltration either, but I think we do a much better job of preserving a society that still favors assimilation over the Eurabian ghettos springing up all over that continent and in that light believe we should stick to US-based and FAA-monitored maintenance depots and their technicians.

So I guess you'll have to forgive me for belonging to a union that lobbies against an unbridaled approach to the US airline business. Now, before you write me off as a bomb-throwing Trotskyite, understand that I don't agree with all they preach. It's fairly obvious they support Democrats uncritically 'cause they're pro-union (and lately, thuggishly so), despite the Party's utter cowardice in the war against the Islamofacsist menace. While I can't prove it (yet), I'm sure some of my dues support the political goals of a Party I find, at times, in almost conscious cooperation with enemies of the West and civilization as a whole. Single-issue mindsets are almost always self-destructive and ALPA's organizational philosophy, while somewhat understandable, is no exception. Moreover, it's hard to argue that the pilots' union, like the auto industry's, has often been its own worst enemy. Conversely, when a company unionizes, I personally think that's a pretty damning indictment of its management. It's a freakin' mess in this business and I had a solution.

Bottom line? The union is a necessary evil in a world where management sees labor as an enemy to be conquered, not an ally to be supported, and vice versa. ALPA, for all its flaws, is right now the only labor-oriented vehicle available that I'm aware of that has any chance of influencing how things are done, I guess.

Now, with all that said, if I ended up with a choice between voting against capitulation in the war on militant Islam or for a Party that thought union issues, national health care, and global warming were more important, I'd go with the former in a hearbeat, even if it meant national policies that reduced my pay, increase my workload...or even cost me my job. BUT, we're not quite there yet. And, given the nature of the industry where I earn a living, the unions are a necessary tool in assuring--or at least trying to assure--that employee working conditions meet an essential minimum level and safety doesn't always take a back seat to revenue generation.

I'm curious about one thing maybe you could shed some light on... What is Southwest doing different and why aren't the other airlines doing the same thing? They seem to be the exception in both employee satisfaction (I heard a survey recently put them in the top 10 places to work) and customer satisfaction.

by Pogue on March 17, 2007 6:43 PM

Actually, Dusty, I had that job for one (1) flight, and had to pay for it. I think it was sometime back in the seventies, and I was flying from Atl, GA to Naples, FL. They put me off the whiny airplane at Tampa and I got into a Cessna 407, I think it was. There was one pilot who asked who wanted to sit up-right. I volunteered like a shot. I actually had a duty to perform, and am glad to report that I did so to the entire satisfaction of the aircraft commander.

When we got to the runway, he ordered me to close the vent window, and I did so.

It was lotsa fun, really. I tried not to distract the poor guy by asking too many questions, but slipped a bit from time to time. My most distinct memory is of the head temperature gauges. Until then I had no idea that air-cooled aero engines ran that hot.

A safety briefing would have been nice, though; how to work the radio and turn on the autopilot, etc.

You say you hate how uncomfortable most airlines are, but are you willing to pay a bit more for a flight to get more for comfort? Most consumers, when booking a flight, simply go online and pick the lowest fare available, without any regard to what particular airline it's on. I've seen studies that show that even increases of a few dollars to get on a preferred airline will be rejected by the vast majority of consumers.

When the consumers are demonstrating through their actions that price is THE only factor that determines who they buy from, you can't complain that the airlines respond with a cut prices at any cost mentality.

So don't blame the airlines, blame the consumers. The market is just providing them with products they're demanding.

March 15, 2007

New (to me) Nigerian 411 scam. Your mileage may vary.

Another one purportedly a soldier out of Iraq. Annoying thing is - there really *is* a SFC Daniel Vaness in the Army, and there *is* a SSG Kenneth Buff, USA, retired.. I hope they've not been too bebothered and confusticated by this scam.

DEAR FRIEND,

HOW ARE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY? HOPE ALL IS WELL? [Well, my mother just died, thanks for asking.] MY NAME IS (SGT 1ST CLASS) DANIEL VANESS.I AM AN AMERICAN SOLDIER, [Really? Then wouldn't you have done that as SFC?] SERVING IN THE MILITARY WITH THE ARMY 3RD INFANTRY DIVISION IN IRAQ WITH A VERY DESPERATE NEED FOR ASSISTANCE, I HAVE SUMMED UP COURAGE TO CONTACT YOU.I FOUND YOUR CONTACT PARTICULARS IN AN ADDRESS JOURNAL. I AM SEEKING YOUR KIND ASSISTANCE TO MOVE THE SUM OF ($18 MILLION U.S. DOLLARS) EIGHTEEN MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS TO YOU IN YOUR COUNTRY,[hey, I thought it was *our* country, Sergeant?] AS FAR AS I CAN BE ASSURED THAT MY SHARE WILL BE SAFE IN YOUR CARE UNTIL I COMPLETE MY SERVICE HERE IN IRAQ. [You've been talking to Fuzzybear again, haven't you?]

SOURCE OF MONEY: SOME MONEY IN VARIOUS CURRENCIES WERE DISCOVERED IN BARRELS AT A FARMHOUSE NEAR ONE OF SADDAM HUSSEIN'S OLD PALACES IN TIKRIT-IRAQ DURING A RESCUE OPERATION, AND IT WAS AGREED BY STAFF SGT KENNETH BUFF [Hey, SSG Buff is retired, what's he doing, working over there as a contractor? But he can probably use that 18 mil!] AND I THAT SOME PART OF THIS MONEY BE SHARED AMONG BOTH OF US BEFORE INFORMING ANYBODY ABOUT IT SINCE BOTH OF US SAW THE MONEY FIRST. THIS WAS QUITE AN ILLEGAL THING TO DO, [So, you run to a commissioned officer with a blog to get help... I'm sorry you think I'm like that - what kind of officers do you work for, Sergeant?] BUT I TELL YOU WHAT? NO COMPENSATION CAN MAKE UP FOR THE RISK WE HAVE TAKEN WITH OUR LIVES IN THIS HELL HOLE OF WHICH MY BROTHER IN-LAW WAS KILLED BY A ROAD SIDE BOMB LAST TIME.YOU WILL FIND THE STORY OF THIS MONEY ON THE WEB ADDRESS BELOW;

THE ABOVE FIGURE WAS GIVEN TO ME AS MY SHARE, AND TO CONCEAL THIS KIND OF MONEY BECAME A PROBLEM FOR ME, SO WITH THE HELP OF A BRITHISH [Sorry about that lisp - pretty episodic, huh? Or is the brit the guy with the lisp and that's where you learned how to pronounce "brithish?"] CONTACT WORKING HERE, AND HIS OFFICE ENJOY SOME IMMUNITY, I WAS ABLE TO GET THE PACKAGE OUT TO A SAFE LOCATION ENTIRELY OUT OF TROUBLE SPOT. HE DOES NOT KNOW THE REAL CONTENTS OF THE PACKAGE, AND BELIEVES THAT IT BELONGS TO A BRITHISH/AMERICAN MEDICAL DOCTOR WHO DIED IN A RAID HERE IN IRAQ, AND BEFORE GIVING UP,TRUSTED ME TO HAND OVER THE PACKAGE TO HIS FAMILY IN UNITED STATES.

I HAVE NOW FOUND A VERY SECURED WAY OF GETTING THE PACKAGE OUT OF IRAQ TO YOUR COUNTRY FOR YOU TO PICK UP, AND I WILL DISCUSS THIS WITH YOU WHEN I AM SURE THAT YOU ARE WILLING TO ASSIST ME, AND I BELIEVE THAT MY MONEY WILL BE WELL SECURED IN YOUR HAND BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE FEAR OF GOD. I WANT YOU TO TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU WILL TAKE FROM THIS MONEY FOR THE ASSISTANCE YOU WILL GIVE TO ME. ONE PASSIONATE APPEAL I WILL MAKE TO YOU IS NOT TO DISCUSS THIS MATTER WITH ANYBODY [Ooops! Too late!], SHOULD YOU HAVE REASONS TO REJECT THIS OFFER.PLEASE AND PLEASE DESTROY THIS MESSAGE AS ANY LEAKAGE OF THIS INFORMATION WILL BE TOO BAD FOR US SOLDIER HERE IN IRAQ. I DO NOT KNOW HOW LONG WE WILL REMAIN HERE,AND I HAVE BEEN SHOT, WOUNDED AND SURVIVED TWO SUICIDE BOMB ATTACKS BY THE SPECIAL GRACE OF GOD. [No doubt.] THIS AND OTHER REASONS I WILL MENTION LATER HAS PROMPTED ME TO REACH OUT FOR HELP.

I HONESTLY WANT THIS MATTER TO BE RESOLVED IMMEDIATELY.PLEASE CONTACT ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE WITH THIS E- MAIL ADDRESS WHICH IS MY ONLY WAY OF
COMMUNICATION. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. [And you and yours, Sergeant. At least the *real* SFC Vaness.]

REGARDS,

DANIEL VANESS.

I think rather than destroy the message, as asked, I'll publish it, instead. More fun that way.

SFC Vaness, SSG Buff, I'm sure you aren't involved in anything like this. If you were, you'd have Fort Leavenworth addresses... rather than the units listed in AKO.

March 14, 2007

Hah!

Short men were irresistible to women until mankind’s ancestors learnt how to use tools as weapons, research suggests.

Being short made modern man’s predecessors more adept at fighting — with a lower centre of gravity and better balance — and guaranteed them huge sex appeal, according to the study by David Carrier, of the University of Utah.

The adaptation was so successful that for two million years human ancestors with the shortest legs were the most successful. They would also have been the most aggressive, probably because they were confident of winning fights rather than having a complex about their height.

So the state wrestling championship comes into focus for me now - even how 205lbs me beat the 380lbs behemoths in the Unlimited class.

Interesting (to me) sidenote. I'm just shy of 6 feet tall, but always had a problem with the Army's weight regs... because the bulk of my height is in my torso, not legs. Made me a good sprinter, too - 10.3 in the 100 yards, 4.5 in the forty. But the Army's system didn't account for that too well. My inseam is... 30. The current deputy commander at Fort Leavenworth is BG Joe Ramirez. Joe and I were Majors together as small group leaders at Fort Sill. Joe used to bug me about my weight compared to his until I made this comparison for him - Joe is about 5 feet, 8 inches tall, or just under 4 inches shorter than I am.

We have the same inseam.

I could take him, though. Not that he cares, given what his retirement check is going to be like compared to mine.

Six foot, one-sixty-five to one-seventy (depending on humidity), thirty-five inch inseam, thirty-four inch waist. A decided advantage climbing into a Huey cockpit, a decided *dis*advantage scrunching into the front seat of a Cobra.

One of my Air Guard buds got me into the F-16 sim to see if I really *could* fly with my knees poking me in the chest...

You and me, and General Lee. I, too, have a 30" (-) inseam. With the seat in my truck all the way forward, I can just barely depress the clutch pedal all the way, with some ankle flexing. Puts me 'way too close to the safety bomb in the steering wheel, and with my long torso (I used to be 5'11"+) the wheel obscures the instruments. I'm definitely not a 50th percentile guy, in *any* way.

Ya know, if any of you guys need help verifying measurements, Maggie and I are available.

by AFSister on March 14, 2007 10:12 PM

I wish I had a 30 inch inseam, mine is barely more than 28 inches. I got to ride in a Blackhawk last year when the JROTC at Nevada High got a visit from the Air Force Reserve. The ground was a little uneven where they landed and the bottom of the door hit me right above the belly button. The cadets waiting for their chance to ride got a real show when I tried to hoist my 5 foot 11 inch 300+ pounds into the back. If I ever get another chance I'm bringing a step ladder!

by NevadaDailySteve on March 14, 2007 11:23 PM

AFSis has a great point. The Denizennes are definitely available to verify measurements. And as Adjutant, I should be present to record any important factoids as well.
*guh-Rin*

No ape jokes!!! I'm pleased and disappointed. My favorites have been variations of the "Old suit on an ugly ape" type. I know there are others out there. BTW ladies, I'd take you up on the kind offers, however I reside in a third world country and would be gentlemanly enough to not expose you to that. But I thank you for't anyway.

At a busy bus stop in a crowded city, a lovely young lass wearing a tight miniskirt was waiting for the bus.

The bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, and she suddenly became acutely aware that her skirt was entirely too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.

Slightly embarrassed -- and with a quick smile to the bus driver -- she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.

So, a little more embarrassed, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a bit more, and assayed the step a second time. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.

With a wan smile to the driver, she reached behind yet a third time to unzip a little more -- and again was unable to take the step. Without a single word, the artilleryman in dress blues who had been standing behind her picked her up by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic. She turned to her benefactor and yelled, "How *dare* you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"

The redleg blinked and said, "Well, miss, normally I’d agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I sorta figured we were friends.”

There ya go Big Fella -- feel better now?

A doff of the tin derby to V29 (who completely forgot he sent it, by now...)

March 12, 2007

This One's For Bloodspite...

The local charity realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful insurance firm. So, a volunteer visited the CEO in his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that, even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through our organization?"

The CEO thought for a minute and said, "First, did your research also show you that my youngest sister has a rare and fatal blood disorder, and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"

Embarrassed, the charity rep mumbled, "Uh -- no, I didn't know that."

"Second," continued the CEO, "my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children."

The stricken charity rep began to stammer an apology, but was interrupted again. "Third, did your research also show you that my elder sister's husband died in dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another with learning disabilities requiring an army of private tutors?"

The humiliated charity rep, completely beaten, said, "I'm so sorry, I had no idea."

And the CEO finished, "So. Since I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?"

Feel free to insert the name of your *own* provider when you recount this during coffee break. I mean, you sure wouldn't read it aloud during work, would you?

March 10, 2007

I am not a golfer...

...nor do I play one on TV. But I find the following joke (told in V29's inimitable style) downright chucklesome:

Four lawyers in a law firm lived for their Saturday morning round of golf. It was their favorite moment of the week. Then one of the lawyers was transferred to an office in another city.

It wasn't quite the same without him. Then, a new lawyer joined their law firm. A woman.

One day she overheard the remaining three talking about their golf round at the coffee table. Curious, she spoke up, "You know, I used to play on my golf team in college and I was pretty good. Would you mind if I joined you next week?"

The three lawyers looked at each other. They were hesitant. Not one of them wanted to say “Yes,” but she had them on the spot. Finally, one of them said it would be okay, but they would be starting pretty early, at 6:30 am.

He figured the early tee-time would discourage her immediately. The woman said this might be a problem, and asked if she could possibly be up to 15 minutes late. They rolled their eyes, but said this would be okay.

She smiled, and said, "Good, then I'll be there either at 6:30 or 6:45." She showed up at 6:30 on the dot and wound up beating all three of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She was a fun and pleasant person the entire round. The guys were impressed! Back in the clubhouse, they congratulated her and happily invited her to play again the following week.

She smiled, and said, "Sure, I'll be here at 6:30 or 6:45." The next week, she showed up at 6:30, but she played left-handed. The three lawyers were incredulous as she still managed to beat them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. By now the guys were totally amazed, but wondered if she was just trying to make them look bad by beating them left- handed. They couldn't figure her out. She was again very pleasant and didn't seem to be purposely showing them up, but each man began to harbor a burning desire to beat her!

In the third week, they all had their game faces on -- but she was 15 minutes late! This had the guys irritable because each was determined to play the best round of golf of his life. As they waited for her, they figured her late arrival was some petty gamesmanship on her part. Finally, she showed up. This week, she played right-handed and narrowly beat all three of them. However, she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play, it was hard to hold a grudge against her. This woman was a riddle no one could figure out!

Back in the clubhouse, she had all three guys shaking their heads at her ability. They had a couple of beers at the 19th hole, which helped the conversation loosen up. Finally, one of the men could contain his curiosity any longer. He asked her point blank, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"

The lady blushed, and grinned. She said, "That's easy. When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I have always had fun switching back and forth. Then, when I met my husband in college and got married, I discovered he always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I left in the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his thingie was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed; if it was pointed to the left, I golfed left-handed.

All the guys on the team thought this was hysterical." Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys shot back, "But what if it's pointed straight up in the air?"

She said, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late.

The premise is kinda far-fetched, though.

Not that the notion of a good-looking, ambidexterous, female lawyer with a dynamite personality who plays pro-grade golf is all that odd -- but a *punctual* female??? C'mon...

Heh. If I'd posted that during the week, the SB Brigade would'a shredded me...

All positivity aside, I think I'm still going to clear the area of Bill's afterthought until some time after the Saturday morning catch-up reading is done. No offense, but I find women have a remarkably good ability to inflict collateral damage with their barrages.

[googlegoogle] Oh my. And here I was thinking a fluffer was the guy who used ginger in creative and impolite ways to make a tired old horse seem lively for better sale.

Nice try Bill, but the water buffalo hates lima beans even more than I do and can detect them in a five mile radius. Evasive maneuvers recommended at this time. As far as the effluvium, I once worked with an East German who apparently bathed only once a month. Nice guy, but you could almost see the cloud. BO that would stun a goat ...

HAW!! Been in a couple or three commercials and did a handful of Tech Advisor stuff, but the closest I ever got to doing pr0n was a non-speaking role as the Evil Helicopter Pilot in a made-for-Saturday-morning-TV dog called SuperKids.

I got killed five minutes before the final commercial. Served me right, too...

BCR - That's why I mashed them and smothered them in a cheese sauce -- Buff thought he was chowing down on creamed parsnips. And believe me, three crepitatious carabao could clear an LZ faster than an Arc Light...

*views Bills counter measures and shakes head*
You forgot hell from the sky and psyop measures

*flies over head on were-kitty's chandalier - blasting Cheryl Crow from the speakers and electronically blocking all sports channels from the castle TV as we beam in "Beaches" to play 24/7.....watches Bill go careening about the castle simultaneously trying to cover his eyes and ears*

Well, Bill, seems the ladies gave a pass on your lapse into male chauvinism. I consider it most courageous of you to post that joke under your own name. You shoulda given John credit, sat back and watched the resulting chaos.

I suspect they were already awake, merely taking a quick break between cooking breakfast, darning socks, painting the living room ceiling, weeding the truck patch, scrubbing the bathroom utilities, loading the washing machine and taking the dog for a 10km jog.

There are some colors that should never be on appliances, cars or carpet, yet, looking back at my youth, my parents' generation obviously lacked a serious appreciation for the color palette (as well as some qustionable clothing choices)

Remember, a woman's mind is cleaner than a man's because she changes it more often.

by J.M. Heinrichs on March 4, 2007 2:50 PM

Kat: There are some colors that should never be on appliances, cars or carpet, yet, looking back at my youth, my parents' generation obviously lacked a serious appreciation for the color palette (as well as some questionable clothing choices)...

Oh, yeah! We had an avocado chair, a burnt orange (possibly 'sienna') couch, a black fake-leather recliner (that today would be an office chair), some kind of 'gold-orange-green looking carpet, copper fridge and color coordinated oven; and a yellow station wagon. Oh, and our couch and chair were covered in plastic slip covers (yep) and those were covered with foam-back ugly-a$$ throw-covers because there was no A/C in old Philly 3-story homes, and plastic sticks to sweaty people... And there were the old wooden end tables, my mother glued white 1" bathroom tile to make them look all mod (remember that word)...

I hate those colors you are talking about, and I don't know about color palettes, but my mother and the parents of a lot of my friends just lack taste.

The only thing I hated more was Mediterranean furniture with all the gilded lamps and dark maroon velvet material, and just UGH...

You know there was something to be said for Ford's any color as long as it's black attitude...

Euw. While I am a modern type of person, I do love the Mission style and Arts and Crafts
furniture and bungalows. There is something cozy about a bungalow.

I also love Victorian houses. Could that be because we lived in one in Monterey and then my parents bought a Mediterranean Arts and Crafts bungalow in Salinas? My mother went nuts when she took off the shag carpeting in the bathroom (gold no less) and discovered hexagon shaped
lilac ceramic tile on the floor...which led to a one year restoration of the bathroom and my bedroom. Cheesy paneling nailed over wallpaper pasted on plaster and lath. That was fun getting all that stuff off the walls.

Restripped and refinished the hardwood floors, restored the wood finishes on all the trim and repainted the walls in a creamy ivory. I loved that bedroom.

I didn't have a summer that year. For the next
five years I lived at home, we worked on a room.
We never did finish all we had to do, but it sort of gave me a bug...

March 1, 2007

Speaking of aviators...

On a carrier, the Naval Aviator looks over at the Catapult Officer ("Shooter") who gives the run up engines signal by rotating his finger above his head. The pilot pushes the throttle forward, verifies all flight controls are operational, checks all gauges, and gives the Cat officer a brisk salute, continuing the Navy / Marine tradition of asking permission to leave the ship. The Cat officer drops to one knee while swooping his arm forward and pointing down deck, granting that permission. The pilot is immediately catapulted and becomes airborne.

Air Force Pilot

We've all seen Air Force pilots at the air force base look up just before taxiing for takeoff and the ground crew waits until the pilot's thumb is sticking straight up. The crew chief then confirms that he sees the thumb, salutes, and the Air Force pilot then takes off. This time-tested tradition is the last link in the Air Force safety net to confirm that the pilot does not have his thumb up his a$$.

Army Aviator

If you've ever seen an Army helicopter pilot preparing for takeoff, you will note that the pilot gives the ground guy a thumbs up before he is given hover and takeoff signals. There are two theories about the origin of this gesture. One is that it is to show that the pilot has identified which of his fingers is the thumb so that he will be able to properly operate his controls. The most compelling theory says that this is to show the ground crewman that the pilot indeed knows which direction is up.

The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire flight and not say a word, I won't charge you! But if you do say something, it’s fifty dollars."

Charlie and Esther agreed, climbed into the helicopter and up they went.

The pilot flew all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a single word came from his passengers. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

After they landed, the pilot turned to Charlie and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"

Charlie replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know -- fifty dollars is fifty dollars...”

A new political party is being offered to the tens of millions of Americans who feel that the Republican party and the DemocRAT party have NOT led them to achieve what they really want our government to do for them.

They want their borders secured and their immigration laws ENFORCED NOW! They want tax reform-and they want it ASAP! They want much more efficient, innovative and effective SMALLER government that gives them more bang for their hard-earned buck. They want Senate rules that do not allow an up or down vote for all executive appointment to the federal judiciary changed to allow a constitutional up or down vote. They want their second amendment right to keep and BEAR arms VIGILANTLY protected! They believe America’s best and brightest days are YET to come! They yearn for REAL change that PRODUCES real results that truly satisfies their good desires for their families, America’s future and their posterity. And, they want it all RIGHT NOW!

The new party is called the ‘New Republican Party’ and can be further studied at my website. This party is what we, and millions of others like us, have all been searching for…but it has never existed before…until NOW!

February 26, 2007

I don't know 'bout you guys, but I need a joke. Even a variation on an old one.

I understand BCR Labs is working on some additional apps...

As I discovered, being on Wife 3.x myself, "dot zero, much less One-dot-Zero releases can be very tricky programs. Of course, I only recommend switching OS's as a last resort. The upfront and downstream costs can be immense, and any interim OS's will have their own bugs.

INSTALLING HUSBAND 1.0

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 , NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: "http: I Thought You Loved Me.html " and try to download Tears 6.2 and

don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband

1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.

I've been unable to find what on this site what this missile relates to. I refuse to believe that this info was just randomly placed. It can't be that mostly wooden thing with the real nice rifle scope.

by Rod Thorsen on February 19, 2007 1:51 PM

Thanks, John, I didn't realize it was a standalone post. Sorry for responding this way, my outgoing e-mail stopped working since my last reinstall of XP, using both outlook and thunderbird. I'll be some months more before I'll try again due to activation limits.

February 15, 2007

Reach for the Stars!

"Senators introduce bill to restrict Use of cluster Bombs" - Guess I am not really tracking on the need for this reg. The U.S. military has already taken great measures to mitigate the collateral damage of its munitions.#1 step up in production of guided and unitary munitions (excalibur, GMLRS etc.), these munitions have that

by DirtyCarl on February 15, 2007 11:32 AM

Hah! What a great picture. But where's the hi-rez version for my desktop?

February 8, 2007

Photo post...

What a difference 100 years makes.

This was collar brass intended as a reward for a highly-skilled and accomplished company, then. It would have rather a different connotation, today. Anyone remember the infamous "Peyote Platoon" of the 6-14 FA, 1st Tank DIVARTY, oh, 1984, I think?

These fine young Italian partisans in Milan in 1943 get points for a spiffy turn-out (well except for those clunky shoes on the lady in the middle) - but the young lady on the left gets -10 for weapons handling.

February 6, 2007

Tagged, the saga continues.

The BCR Labs matter-transference box pinged today, delivering Cato the Elder's response today. We like Cato. Well, we like his oratorical skillz. We should, we shamelessly stole his theme...

Cato the Elder
1. To harden myself to the True Roman Way, I chewed iron nails for breakfast. Much later I was informed the early Romans did not have iron nails. Damn Greeks! They think they know everything!
2. Before I had my own children to beat, I borrowed the neighbor's to perfect my technique.
3. If Scipio Africanus had been named something nice, like Maximus Fuzzius, maybe we could have been friends. If True Romans have friends, that is.
4. Whenever I wonder if I am Truly Roman enough, I have the urge to fall on my sword to see if I will moan or not.
5. I mistrust Greeks because their letters have squiggles. A True Roman does not squiggle!
6. and to conclude, CARTHAGE MUST BE DESTROYED!