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Thursday, March 15, 2012

Quit Telling Her So

It seems that one of the most satisfying things in life is
when we get to tell someone “I told you so.” It’s as if those four words hold
the power to vindicate us and show the world (or at least the person we’re
talking to) that our opinion was valid and we were right all the time.

When that opportunity to tell someone that we were right and
they were wrong comes along, there are few who can resist the temptation to let
it be known, declaring it out loud. It’s almost like we’re conditioned to say
that, like a chicken who let’s everyone know that she’s just laid an egg. What
pride! What satisfaction! What are we thinking?

C’mon now, is it really all that important to be able to say
“I was right and you were wrong”? Where’s grace in that? For that matter, where’s
love in it? Is it that our self-esteem is so small that we need to put others down,
in order to build ourselves up? Even so, is that any way to treat a wife? Even more,
is it any way to treat your wife?

Let me put it another way; how do you feel when she says that
to you? Do you feel like she’s building you up? Do you feel loved? Or, do you
feel like she’s putting you down? Well, guess what? She doesn’t feel loved and
built up when you say it, than you feel when she says it.

So, if that’s the case, wouldn’t saying “I told you so” be
anti-romantic? Hmm, think about that a moment. If we’re trying to be romantic
towards our wives, so that they feel more loved and even more loving, then
doesn’t it make sense to get rid of the anti-romantic things we do as well?

There’s another form of this same phrase, which we probably
use even more than the one I’ve mentioned above. That’s to say “I’ve told you
before” or “I’ve told you a thousand times” or some such. We tend to get
irritated at our wives, when they don’t do things we’ve told them or don’t do
them in the way we’ve told them. Since we feel vindicated for our irritation,
we think nothing of telling her that she hasn’t been listening.

Okay, so what? Why do we have to make a big deal out of it
when our wives don’t catch what we say, even if it does mean that they do
things the wrong way? I mean really, what is gained by that anger? Wouldn’t it
be better to just treat it as if it were the first time, and instruct her as if
it were the first time?

Let’s take something simple, like not hanging the car keys
on their hook. Every time your wife has to leave, she ends up searching for
them again. That probably means that you end up helping her search for them,
especially when she’s running late or in a hurry. So, what good does it do to
get irritated, annoyed, made or even exasperated? Does that make you feel any
more love and compassion towards here? Does it make you express love better?
Does it even make you feel more loved? What? You’re saying no to all those questions?
Then why bother wasting the energy getting mad?

It’s much easier to just face the fact of having to search
for your wife’s keys as part of your life. Quit wasting time and energy on getting
annoyed; just help her. Maybe you could buy her one those key rings that
answers when you whistle or one that’s really big, so that it’s easier to see.

The point here is watching how you react to those things.
All too often, we allow them to become points of irritation and strife, turning
molehills into mountains, instead of treating them like what they are, just the
little problems of life.

Learn to keep the little things little; it’ll make loving
your wife all that much easier.