Benjamin Albert Demers

MMN2 Benjamin Albert Demers, 26 of Auburn, died in Washington, while serving his country in the U.S. Navy on the USS Nimitz, on Sunday, Sept. 18, 2016.

He was born in Waukegan, Ill., on May 28, 1990, the son of Laurent and Penny (Albert) Demers. Ben graduated from Edward Little High School class of 2008. Shortly after graduating, he decided to follow his parents and join the U.S. Navy. He had been with the Navy for the past three years, working his way up to MMN2 (Petty Officer Second Class). Ben was very involved in politics and while in high school he was a delegate for the Democratic Party in 2008. He loved his pets and his family, and was always fascinated with penguins. His witty sense of humor and wisecracks to most questions will be missed by all who knew him.

Ben was born in Waukegan, IL on Memorial Day, May 28, 1990. After his father retired from the Navy when Ben was 4, the family moved to Auburn, ME where he grew up. He graduated from Edward Little High School in 2008 as a member of the National Honor Society. Ben was an avid reader who was working his way through the classics; his favorite book was The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoyevsky. Ben was the youngest of four. His 2 brothers Rocky and Alex and his sister Toni. His favorite things to do as a kid was to watch Power Rangers with the three of them and to build Legos with Alex who was his best friend throughout his life. Ben joined the Navy in 2012 to follow in his Mom and Dad’s footsteps. He was accepted into the nuclear power program and trained as a machinist mate. He was assigned to the USS NIMITZ in Bremerton, WA. Ben took his own life on September 18, 2016. Ben had a life-long fascination and love for penguins. He had an extensive collection of glass and stuffed penguins, an amazing number of penguin t-shirts and one of his favorite outings was with his brother Alex when they were at the New England Aquarium when it was feeding time at the penguin exhibit. Benjamin Albert Demers was a loving and beloved member of his family when he died unexpectedly in September 2016. He is survived by his parents Penny Douphinett (who only Ben called Ma) and Laurent Demers. His siblings Rocky, Alex, Toni, Andy and Chris. His step-father Paul Douphinett and his nephews Ethan Roy and Colby Brewer. He will be greatly missed by his many friends who will always remember him as the first to offer help, a smile and genuine concern for everyone’s well-being. Since all pets go to Heaven, Ben was met by his beloved dogs Alfie and Nugget and cat Tigger. On Thanksgiving Day, Ben’s siblings went out to the rock hill in our yard where they played as kids and picked out a stone that represented all the time they spent together.

Our first Summit Project weekend as a Gold Star Family and the hike was also on what would have been Ben’s 27th birthday, I had so many emotions. Receiving Ben’s stone from his sister, Toni, was a difficult experience. We were both nervous, afraid we would cry and, of course, we did. Chris who helped his sister carry the stone on the hike was there with us, hugging and joining in the moment. Standing back in the line and looking down at his stone, tracing his initials I was struck yet again with the permanence of Ben’s death and it was gut wrenching. Ashley, who introduced me to TSP was there with a hug, not knowing how much I needed it. I held onto my son’s stone for hours after that, he came to dinner with us, I didn’t want to let it go. At one point during the weekend, David asked me if Ben would have liked the hike, beautiful weather and sunshine. My reply was hell no, he’d be inside reading or on the computer and we both laughed. My being with TSP and sharing Ben’s story with so many warm, loving, caring people made his first birthday in Heaven something to remember. I know Ben would thank you all for taking care of his Ma.

On what should have been his 27th birthday, I was carrying Ben’s stone up a mountain. This was the most physically demanding thing that I can ever remember doing. And every step up the mountain, I was thinking about Ben. I told his story at the point that I had to turn back, but I told people about little things all the way up. Possibly the hardest thing I had to do on the climb was hand over Ben’s stone to Chris, for him to carry the rest of the way. I miss Ben so much. The brilliant, badass, sarcastic, caring, amazing little brother. But there are more people who know his name now. That know he would be laughing his ass off at somehow getting his least athletic sibling three quarters of the way up a mountain. When we both would have been happier on that gorgeous day to be inside playing videogames.
This helped though. Putting in the time and effort to do this hike was an amazing experience. I miss my little brother. I will always miss my little brother. But it is reassuring and touching to know that I helped share his story, I helped him be remembered for a little longer, a little more widespread. I love you all.

The morning of the hike was filled with no small amount of anxiety. Our family didn’t know the person carrying our brother’s stone. No one i talked with knew either. Like a ghost. I remember listening to our team lead going over the plan for the day, and glancing over at his stone, hoping to see his person arrive. I felt like a jungle cat, tense and coiled, waiting to pounce on this poor unsuspecting soul, offering whatever I could to have a family member carry him up. Once again Angel saved my bacon. She came up to Chris and I (the brothers, as T.S.P. have started calling us) with his stone, a giant hug, and the best part of my day: that I was to carry Ben. What a mix of emotions that moment was, all swirling on the inside. This was a moment for duty, however, celebration and quiet reflection would have to wait.
The hike itself was excellent, watching the clouds roll over the mountain was very relaxing. The group was amazing, so many people offering to share, help, and watch over the other hikers. We made sure every stone and hiker made it safely up the mountain, with flying colors.
The ceremony was beautiful as well, with many of the hikers having personal attachments and inspiring stories of our fallen. A few in particular will stay with me, especially our long time supporter, first time hiker. It was hard to speak of Ben at first, but I had a lot of help up there, quiet encouragement. I then spoke of Ben in a less serious manner, as he was always the first to crack a joke. Chris followed up with his thoughts, glad to have made peace with Ben in our adult years, and a wish that it had grown further.
Don’t get me wrong, he could be an arse. A lovable, poke you in the ribs kinda arse. You knew he loved you when he was calling you out. To me it was a sign of respect and care, like he was trying to toughen us up or something. Even in passing he is doing just that. It is never the best way for a family to come together, but I think he’d be happy seeing us so close. Much loved. I’d say I miss him as well, but every time I see one of those damn penguins around, I see that sideways grin of his, feel a joke or two at my expense go flying over the shoulder, and I don’t feel lonely for a moment.

Beautifully written Andy. Your sibling view of Ben is different than my ma view, but each is deep, true and loving. I think he is with you when you hike, helping you with the tough stuff. You were his brother! He loved you. I love you too.

On December 16/17th while running the inaugural Spartan Race Ultra World Championship in Iceland, Team Navy was honored to carry Ben’s stone from the Summit Project. Team Navy carried the weight of the stone which also represented the weight of his sacrifice to our Country. We mourn his loss and we’re honored to have taken him, his memory, and the story of his life through the course.

Spartan Race decided that being tough wasn’t tough enough. The Ultra World Championship was a 24-hour event that included a mountain, ice and rain, 25-degree temperatures, a Viking sendoff, and other surprises along the course. The race was a 24-hour race with the winning team covering the most laps and miles along the 5-mile course with over 30- man-made and natural obstacles.

We shared his story, his love of politics and penguins and his sacrifice to our great Nation at the end of the race amongst a group of nearly 50 people in a circle. I was able to read his bio and share some memories of our own on the mountain. My team shared the stone as we maneuvered through the night.

We didn’t let the stone rest and our team continued to move hard through the night even though winning wasn’t in sight. It was a long hard night, many of which I’m sure you’ve gone through, this was but one night. We’re honored to have had the opportunity to share his memory with others.
The team and I are deeply saddened by the loss of your son, most trying is in how he was lost. No one has a great answer on how to cope with this type of loss but we aim to continue fighting for the answers. We shared the weight of the stone because the weight of any loss should also be shared. No one should have to bear that weight alone. Ben was loved. His memory lives on through the Summit Project and the stories we shared on the mountain. As a team we’re honored to have taken him on this journey, we hope it brings some peace knowing his memory lives in. May he continue resting in peace.

Team Navy, thank you so much for honoring Ben like this. It brought tears to my eyes. It is a huge comfort for the whole family when we know his name has been shared further. I read your comment about the penguin slide though, and that was worth a laugh. Thank you for sharing his name and story with others. It is easier, knowing he will be remembered.

Team Navy, I cried while reading your post. Thank you so much for carrying the weight of Ben’s stone and memory while running through the grueling race. The knowledge of his loss, his suicide, was an extra burden I know. I am heartened to know you will all take Ben’s story and death and continue to help look for answers and help in this crisis of active duty suicide. Ben wanted to make a difference in the world, perhaps you can in his memory. Again, thank you, my son will never be forgotten if someone speaks his name.
Penny Douphinett
Ben’s proud and loving mom

Laurie, we didn’t know it at the time but 3 of my teammates did a head first penguin dive down the mountain. About 80 meters of slide. At the time no one was aware of Ben’s fondness of penguins. It was fitting for the moment, the mountain, and his memory. We’re honored to have had the opportunity to continue his memory. Every single day counts. Bless you and your family.

This memorial day weekend I finally got assigned to carry my brothers stone at the katahdin. It’s kind of funny because I had been waiting a year for my turn. And as I carried him I realized I had been carrying him everyday. Ben was a good soul and was never missing when someone needed help, he might have been a sarcastic pain in the butt, however I think that was his way of shielding his emotions. He tended to do that. This hike felt right, carrying ben felt right, supporting all the famalies felt right. An update for ben followers, last night I went on a 10 year reunion cruise with ben and i’ s graduating class of 2008. I got on the boat and we set sail and Low and behold a picture of ben is top deck center floor. I felt him with us all as did a bunch of his friends from school. I guess this hike has helped me realize ben is with me and I was honored to carry him. Miss and love you brotha

Chris, we’re happy you finally carried your little brother on the hike. You certainly described his emotions right! You have honored Ben in so many ways, we are so very proud of you. Watching you with the other Gold Star families, offering your friendship, love and support also lets us see the wonderful young man you are. Thank you. We love you. Mamma and Dad

As I sit down to pause and reflect on my very first TSP hike, one thing really stands out in my mind – both Andy Pattle and Dave Cote saying over and over again….”this is not about you or me, it’s about these brave men and women whom we’re here to honor”. And it’s so true, these men and women who have given the ultimate sacrifice to protect us and our country with their lives. We owe them, and the TSP hike is one way we can help repay that debt, by making certain their memory is never forgotten.

I was very fortunate to carry the stone and share the story of Petty Officer Second Class and machinist mate Benjamin Albert Demers. It was very humbling to me to find out after talking to Ben’s step-brothers Chris and Andy Douphinett, that I was the first non-family member to carry Ben’s stone. I know Ben’s spirit was with me helping me on the way. It truly was an honor and a privilege! I can almost hear Ben saying to me “you’re a hippopotamus”!

I would like to thank Penny and Paul Douphinett and the entire Demers and Douphinett families for allowing me this privilege. And I’d like to thank Chris and Andy Douphinett for sharing so much about Ben with me and for making me feel so comfortable the morning of the hike. It was a pleasure talking to you both!

To hear the stories of these soldiers, sailors and Marines in the sacred circle at the top of the mountain and to hand their stones back to a family member at the bottom is just such an amazing and emotional experience, it’s hard to put it into words. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it!

I’m so happy to have been a part of it all! Thank you to our team leaders Joelle, Kayla and Jill and the entire Team Blackwood for being an awesome group! We worked very well together and the camaraderie was excellent as well! Hopefully, we’ll see some or all of you again at future TSP hikes!

Dear Penny, Paul, Rocky, Alex, Toni, Andy, Chris, and all of Ben’s Extended Family,
Veterans’ Day Weekend (November 10th-11th, 2018) I had the extraordinary honor and privilege of carrying the stone and story of your dear son and brother Ben. Sitting down to write this reflection has been filled with so many mixed emotions, layered on top of one another, much like the experiences learning of his life, family and death and hiking and running with his stone and story.
My experiences with Ben began by talking with you Penny. Almost instantly I found your candidness, honesty, sense of humor and raw emotion to be a clear and bittersweet connection. Listening to you speak of your son, of your relationship with him, of his siblings relationships with him and the mingling of his life events with your feelings, was a gift. It was wonderful to listen to you speak about Ben with passion, humor, and joy. Your love for him was palpable even in just the way you uttered one word, “Ben”. As our conversation moved forward and you spoke of the time leading up to his death and the painful time since he completed his suicide, the ache in your voice was even more evidence of the love that you had for him while he lived and still do for him now. I could feel it.
Speaking with you brought what I had been reading about Ben to life, however there were a few particular things that struck me and resonated with my own recent experience. First it was that Ben had hopes and dreams for a wife, a family. That he had a special way with children, especially his nephew with Autism, and absolutely loved animals and his pets. He was a writer, with an online following, and that this was something unknown to you until after he left. He was very smart and accomplished. That while being ‘snarky’ as you put it (although the other colorful descriptors were far more entertaining), Ben had a tenderness that came from a huge heart, one that in the end was the same heart that wanted to protect and spare hurting those he loved the most, in the best way he could.
In the very short time I have been involved with The Summit Project since my love Eric completed suicide this summer, I’ve come to learn that there are no coincidences. Penny our conversation was special. I’m humbled to have been able to share in it. I hope you felt it. The commonalities between Ben and Eric were uncanny. The qualities in their personalities and characters that helped them to achieve so much, love genuinely and go after their hopes and dreams, despite their dark struggles were strongly connected and special. Despite their end I think they were courageous and selfless with a depth of heart that is rare and wonderful.
Veterans’ Day Weekend began as we arrived at the foot of Blue Hill mountain. Standing at the edge of a wide open field, in the rainy, foggy, raw weather, we gathered and were presented with our hero’s stone. I gently placed Ben and Eric’s stones side by side in my pack and we set off. The trail was steep and slippery. We hiked slow and chatted along the way, (a mix of volunteers who were veterans themselves, simply grateful citizens or Gold Star family members, like myself), coming together specifically because of the lives and service of 12 incredible men. I couldn’t help but notice the extra weight in my pack, double that of the others. It felt fitting knowing Ben’s story, Eric’s too. Their weight was heavy in life, especially towards the end. They carried it though, with little notice of others, by their design, because they wanted to spare them.
As we arrived on the summit, for the briefest moment, amidst the dense fog, the sun peaked through, like a welcome. We settled in and began sharing. I was nervous. Feeling the desperation of wanting to remember all of the tender details, not wanting to fall apart so much I couldn’t clearly share Ben’s story and do him justice. Once it was his turn to step into the light and focus of the sacred circle though, his story flowed out with ease. I don’t think I looked down to my notes once. It was a special moment because the gift of Ben’s life, the significance of his passing and the qualities that made him unique amidst his story were spoken aloud, listened to, taken in and later carried back down the mountain in the hearts and minds of everyone present. They each now carry a piece of Ben that will perhaps help them to live an even better life, in his honor, while speaking his name and letting the light of his life shine on. It is my hope too, that all of you knowing this, somehow gives you an additional moment of pride and a small sense of comfort.
The next day was the Veterans’ Remembrance 4 Miler in Ellsworth. While I was very much looking forward to participating in this aspect of the weekend as well as the hike because of the many people that it would bring together and the attention it would bring to honoring the service of our nation’s veterans, past, present and future, especially Ben and our other Fallen Heroes, ‘running’ was not something I was feeling any love for. After having read Toni’s letter, I knew at that moment that Ben and I were connected. I grinned for a moment as I searched around for a video game option at the event…without any luck.
After carefully scooping up Ben’s stone for a second day in a row, with a million layers on, we were ready to go. It was clear and sunny and bitterly cold…penguin weather really, so fitting. Our walker/rucking wave was first. With tunes plugged in, we took off. To my surprise so did I. I weaved through the walking crowd immediately, and began to run. For 4 miles no one passed me. To my surprise the Hero signs were set up along the course; all 12 of the Heroes we represented throughout the weekend. They were powerful to see. I touched them each as I passed, paying my respects and looked forward to seeing Ben’s. Oddly enough, when I came to his on the return route, he was directly across the road from Eric’s. The gentleman placing the signs on the course that day did not intentionally do this…there are no coincidences. Immediately a strong sense that Ben was there somehow, Eric too, was overwhelming. After standing for a moment at his sign, reading his description and looking at Ben’s handsome picture, I took off. No records were broken that day by any means but Ben’s spirit kept me going. It was the least I could do to push through the ache in my chest. Ben helped me to be able to be there that day, to have the freedom to do so. I’m honored to have learned of his unique life, personality, family, service, interests, death and continued light and impact beyond.
His stone was the first to cross the finish, before any other participant in the event that day.
Thank you so very much for allowing me the honor of getting to know your son and brother. Thank you for trusting me with his story and stone. Thank you for being a part and extremely important piece of the journey I am taking up this path to a summit in the distance that Ben, Eric, along with so many others, helped to blaze. I like to imagine them just up and around the corner at the top, shining in the light at the summit, resting and talking and laughing as they wait for us to live our best lives, because of them, before joining them. In my mind I see Ben’s smirk, much like the expression in his picture wearing his navy and white uniform, ready to fire off something clever, witty, zinging yet loving. Thank you so much for sharing your son and brother with me.
Until we are able to meet in person,
All my best, with much love,
Sarah

Sarah,
Your beautiful words honor my Ben, thank you. Talking to you about him was a great experience, I was able to share new things, like his writing, and knew you understood my and his humor. I also enjoyed hearing about Eric and your family. Eric and Ben were watching over you and swapping snark as they gave you an extra boost of energy. The Summit Project is so important to my family, getting to know other Gold Star families helps in our loss of Ben, Paul and I look forward to meeting you and the girls come Spring.

I wish to say thank you to Ben for his service to our country. Such a young life lost, but never ever forgotten. I work at a non-profit in Bangor that currently hosts the display of stones. This has been a great honor for our agency and we couldn’t be more grateful for Ben’s courage and commitment to our country. Thank you Ben!! to his family and friends, i wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day!! Gone but never forgotten

What story can I tell about Navy Petty Officer 2, Benjamin Albert Demers that hasn’t already been told? There are such great things said of him by his loving family, friends and others who have carried his stone during this Living Memorial. I’m another carrier that chose Benjamin’s stone…but, I’ve been told that the stone chooses us. It might be both.

I can tell you why I volunteered to be a trekker for this great cause and it’s because I admire and respect any and all of the men and women who put their time and lives on the line for the protection of our great country!

I can also tell you why I chose Ben’s out of so many other stones to carry on my first but not last trek for these heroes. Ben and I share a love for penguins and politics!

Although I’m on the other end of the aisle politically, I know Ben’s heart through his wish to make the country and world a better place to live. That is what politics is about, ultimately. Our only difference is the way in which to make it a better place to live. But our hearts are in the right place-where it matters: a love for people and well-being.

I know Ben’s heart through his love of penguins-a social, kind temperament of the wild. A bird that cannot fly in the air but can swiftly and eloquently fly through water faster than most underwater sea creatures! They are fascinating to watch although they look silly and comical in their tuxedo and waddling manner of walk. They can jump straight up out of the water onto high cliffs of rock and ice as if they are torpedoed from a submarine. There is so much that fascinates me about penguins that I know Ben shared.

I don’t know what it is that took Ben from us. I wished I had known him as a neighbor. I too am a resident of Auburn, Maine. I deal with depression and my heart goes out to everyone who has inner turmoil. I wish there was a magic word spoken at the right time that we could say to make a difference in everyone’s life who suffer in silence. We do not know who or why unless approached by that person.

I honor Ben and his family for raising such a beautiful heartfelt soul. His memory is with God and I believe we will all see our loved ones again. Psalms 147:4 says, “He counts the number of the stars; He gives names to all of them…”. I believe if God knows all the stars, He knows us and that we are not forgotten although it may seem that we are alone.

Today I was honored to carry Ben’s stone as a living memorial with the rest of my team from the Maine Turnpike Authority. We honor all of our heroes!

Linda, thank you so much for honoring my son, Ben, by carrying his stone and learning about his life. Underneath, the wit and sarcasm was an incredibly gentle soul who felt deeply. The empty space in all our lives where Ben once stood is only filled now with memories and the hope of holding him again. I am honored to have been his Mom.

Linda, thank you so much for honoring my son, Ben, by carrying his stone and learning about his life. Underneath, the wit and sarcasm was an incredibly gentle soul who felt deeply. The empty space in all our lives where Ben once stood is only filled now with memories and the hope of holding him again. I am honored to have been his Mom.

Thank you for opening your hearts to my family and I, and for allowing me the honor and privilege of carrying Ben’s story and stone at TSP BSP 2019.

The time you spent with me on the eve of the hike sharing Ben’s photos and so many stories and insights into Ben’s quirky, loving, sarcastic and bright character was a gift. I carried that conversation along with Ben’s stone the next day on the hike. It was a beautiful trail – lush, green, wet and full of life. The hike team shared easy conversation along the way with plenty of time for quiet contemplation.

I could feel the weight of Ben’s stone in my pack, wrapped as Toni taught me, in the quilt she so lovingly made. I was so touched by how much care she put into the fabric and patterns – all with such significance. I also carried a penguin stuffy in my pack alongside the stone. I wanted to pay tribute to Ben’s love of these creatures and I knew that having it with me would help me put to words all that I wanted to share about Ben.

When the time came to to tell Ben’s story during our circle ceremony, the emotions of everything I was feeling made it hard to get my first few words out. I had been waiting all night and all morning. I told how smart Ben was – his national honor society membership, his love of reading. I shared how Toni and Ben would have such esoteric conversations about everything from video games to the essence of a soul while carpooling to school. I was touched by Ben’s sense of honor – wanting to follow in his parent’s footsteps inspiring him to join the Navy. I also shared the circumstances of Ben’s death and how important you felt it was that this part of Ben’s story be told because there are so many struggling like Ben did – and that the one time they reach out for our help may be the only chance we have to be there for them.

When I returned to camp and presented the stone in its special wrap, I was both sorry to have to part ways with it, and eager to return Ben to you. Those hugs we shared were very much needed, and I will cherish that moment. Toni – I was so happy with your reaction when I showed you the penguin stuffy and so happy that you snatched it up. I hope it brings you good memories of the weekend each time you see it.

While I will never have the chance to meet Ben on this earth, through your gracious willingness to share him with me I feel as though I know him. I will hold Ben in my heart and strive to be the friend that acts when called upon for help. Penny I can’t tell you how valuable your words of advice were to me.

Mark,
I am overwhelmed by your letter. Sharing Ben’s life with you through the scrapbook was the best way to show you the many sides of Ben, especially his love for his siblings. The relationship your family has created with mine made you carrying his stone so very special for all of us.

Originally when joining The Summit Project I felt Ben’s brothers and sister should always carry his stone. I’ve since learned the value of sharing his story with others. I talk about Ben to TSP hikers, and you in particular, more than anyone since he died. Thank you for listening, carrying my son, a penguin and sharing his story. We are honored to call you, B, Erik and Izzy our friends.

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“I was graciously given the opportunity to honor of carrying the stone of one of Maine’s fallen soldiers, SGT Jason Swiger. This will be one of the more memorable experiences of my life. This single event has changed me forever.”