Good manners are more than saying “please” and “thank you” and knowing which fork to use in a fancy restaurant. Etiquette matters in bed too – even when we’re behaving wildly. Read on for 10 common sexual scenarios and then get expert tips for the right ways to handle them. Plus, how much do you know about nookie? Test your sexpertise with our quiz...

Why does etiquette matter between the sheets?

“The most important thing we can do is to be considerate and respectful of our partner,” says Peter Post, a director of the Emily Post Institute and author of Essential Manners For Couples (Collins).

We asked Post and other etiquette experts for help in finessing 10 sexual scenarios. Take their strategies to heart to bed and you’ll never blunder again.

1. You’re not in the mood.You or your partner will have moments when you won’t feel like having sex. Maybe he had a long day at work, the baby kept you up all night or you just had your wisdom teeth out. At some point, sleep – or “The Daily Show” – will be more appealing than sex.

“There are times when no means no, and other times when you know it’s important for your partner, so you do it even though it’s not really what you want,” Post says.

So how do you refuse without it seeming like a flat-out rejection?

Sometimes you can negotiate and put it off until tomorrow. The key, he says, is to follow through with enthusiasm as promised.

“Make sure you’re into doing it – not that you give in and do it – and make it a fun moment,” Post says.

2. You need to give directions.Women are great at asking for directions, but we often get tongue-tied when telling men what we need in bed. You owe it to yourself to ask for what you want.

“If you start misleading your partner … how are they ever going to know what works?” Taylor asks.

And how do you ask without deflating his ego?

Lead with a compliment, then follow it with a suggestion, advises relationship expert Josey Vogels, author of Bedside Manners (HarperCollins).

“Start with, ‘It’s amazing when you do X, but why don’t we try Y,’” she says.

And if he’s still not getting the picture? Show him how and where you like to be touched.

3. You’re freaked out about fluids. Let’s face it: Sex is messy.

Men are usually comfortable (sometimes too comfortable) with their fluids, but women are often self-conscious about theirs.

Oral sex, in particular, is fraught with anxiety. The fact is, it’s natural and part of our bodies.

There are rules for dealing with the post-sex mess. Saying “ew,” and running to the bathroom is rude.

“Guys can have those insecurities too,” Taylor says. “If you make a big deal about how gross it is, it’s going to make him feel a little insecure.”

But “you don’t have to lie there and cuddle,” she says. “Nice guys will grab a towel, run it under the warm tap and wipe you off. That can be a tender, intimate post-sex moment.”

You can also suggest a post-coital couples shower or have a towel handy so you can both stay in bed.

4. There’s a hygiene issue. Good hygiene is a prerequisite for great sex.

So if your guy’s got a problem, what can you do?

It's frustrating when men don’t pick up our subtle hints. We end up having to say point-blank, “I won’t kiss you because your breath could flatten Godzilla.”

But, as Vogels points out, guys communicate differently and can handle a more direct, albeit still sensitive, approach.

“If you do it in a loving, jokey way, and give him a big smile with a flirty look, it’ll go over a lot better than if you do it like a drill sergeant,” she says.

Turn it into something hot like, “I can barely control myself when you get out of the shower,” Vogels says.

“What a guy hears is, ‘She wants me, so I’ll do it, because if I do, I’ll have sex.’”

5. Embarrassing noises. It’s Murphy’s Law of Sex: Bodies will make weird noises at the most inopportune moments. That doesn’t help our feeling mortified, though.

Get over it quickly, Post says, because the momentary embarrassment is easier than sitting there and cringing.

“You might as well say, ‘I’m so sorry. I’m so embarrassed.’ And then laugh about it and you’re over it,” he advises.

And if your partner is the noisemaker? He’ll be grateful if you don’t make a big production out of it either, Post says.

6. You need to ask about safe sex. It’s absolutely appropriate to ask about someone’s sexual history and to insist on condoms. Of course, as Post notes, timing counts.

A moment that’s not right? “If you’re sitting on the couch and half your clothes are off and you say, ‘By the way, honey, when were you last tested?’” Post says.

Here are two examples of good timing:

1. You’ve started seeing a guy who has long-term potential. In a quiet moment - with your clothes on - Post recommends saying:

“There’s something I want to talk about before we go further. I know I’ll be more comfortable about it and I hope - if you’re the kind of person I think you are - you’ll feel more comfortable too. What I want to talk about is whether you’ve been tested recently. And, if not, maybe we should both get tested together.”

2. You’re coming up on last call with a guy you’re going home with and don’t expect to see again.

Post suggests: “I care about being safe and I hope you do, too. Let’s make sure we’re using condoms. And is there anything I need to be worried about?”

7. You (or he) can’t finish. You’re entitled to satisfaction, but sometimes it’s not easy to get there. Here, honesty is the best policy.

Tell your partner how much you enjoy sex with him and that you don’t want it to end so soon. Ask if you can do something to help. “This way it’s not all about him; it’s about you as a couple,” she says.

Many strategies can build up your partner’s endurance, but the easiest is to have a throwaway round.

“A quick session reduces the sense of urgency,” Schwartz says. “Then you can plan on having a longer time together. He simply won’t be as quick the second time.”

9. You want to leave afterward. For many men and women, sex and sleep don’t always go together. If you’re not comfortable with the “sleeping” part, it’s not rude to be honest about it.

But, Taylor says, to pull this off politely, make sure you’re at his place, not yours.

“It’s infinitely ruder to kick somebody out of your bed at 2 a.m. and make him get up, get dressed and go home,” she says.

10. You’re not going to call.The trick? Leave without using, ‘I’ll call you,’ as a getaway line. Then you haven’t committed to anything.

“It’s worse to say you’re going to call and don’t, than to say, ‘That was really fun, I had a great time. Take care of yourself.’ And leave it at that,” Vogels says.

But if those fateful words tumble out before you can stop them, “you should drop him a quick text or an email the next day to say, ‘I just didn’t feel a click with us,’” Taylor advises. “You don’t need to go on for paragraphs.”

Keep the message short, so he’s not waiting for your call, wondering if you’re trapped under a heavy object.

Myth or Fact: Test Your SexpertiseHitting the sheets with your partner may be the best part of your day, but how much do you really know when it comes to all things sex? Take this sex myths quiz to find out.

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