Why mess with those other airports, when soon you can fly directly to Walt Disney World!?
WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- There's so much construction going on at Walt Disney World these days, you can't throw a disgusting cream cheese-filled pretzel out of the window of your gondola without hitting a unsuspecting construction worker in the head. Seriously, stock in the company that produces the work walls for Disney is up 113% this year alone! Much of this construction is new attractions ...

"It's just magical -- that's my takeaway. The way Disney gets people to give them money. Magical."
WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Joel Osteen, the lead pastor for Houston megachurch Lakewood Baptist, recently visited Walt Disney World and came away inspired.
Was it the characters? The music? The churros? No -- Osteen was greatly impressed by the way the resort makes money hand-over-fist.
"Disney just has an incredible way of bringing unity," Osteen told Uncle Walt's Insider. "I saw people from across the globe, ...

Apparently it rains every day in the "Sunshine State"!
BAY LAKE, FL -- Climate scientists and washed-up politicians are pointing to a "recent" weather phenomenon, and Florida's nickname, to bring awareness to global warming. One scientist thinks Florida will need to abandon its identity as "The Sunshine State" and return to just being known as The Peninsula State.
On a recent trip to the most magical place on Earth [Ed.: What does Costco on a weekend have to do with Florida?], climatologist ...

Apparently the entire land is CGI. Just like the new Soarin'.
BATUU, FL -- Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge has not welcomed a single guest, but reports are already coming in that fans are not happy. A growing legion of Star Wars fans are boycotting this new land, and the reason may surprise you.
"Blasphemy!" "Worse than Episode 1-3!" "No churros?"
Those are just some of the comments we uncovered during our minutes-long investigation. We reached out to one of these disappointed fans, Wookieluvr421, to ...

The new rules ban loose ice. Probably also just-slightly-promiscuous ice.
WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Since Disney announced its coming ban on ice, the Internet has been filled with the wailing and gnashing of teeth. You can't throw out an initial TCP SYN packet without hitting an ACK packet containing complaints about this ban. [Ed.: The Norwegian in the next section makes more sense to me than that sentence.]
Despite the outcry, one man has reason to celebrate.
Beware the frozen heart
In a letter ...