Monday, September 21, 2009

Let's first start this off by saying that right now I am eating spoonfuls of peanut butter b/c my wonderful co-workers have scheduled yet ANOTHER meeting during lunch. I mean I know I eat a lot and I'm always hungry, but for the love of all things heavenly could you please stop fugging scheduling meetings during the time I need to feed my tape worm? JEZUS!

Spent the weekend (I'm lying, I left on Thursday so really I spent the past 4 days) in Nags Head with my 757 betches. Needless to say take 12 women and 13 bottles of wine, 5 bottles of champagne, 4 18-packs of Bud Light, and 3 Liter bottles of vodka and what you have there is what I like to call a good time. Let's go over the weekend play-by-play.

Thursday Night: We started Thursday night off by meeting some neighbors next door (all dudes) who like to sing rap tunes, but acoustic w/the guitar. If you've never heard Biggie's "Juicy" acoustically by a white man, you are totally missing out (he also did some Snoop, he's a good time). The evening started to decline when the neighbors joined us (and not just serenading us from the balcony) and we began to drink heavily. Now let's be clear on this, the neighbors were from Baltimore. Not that there is anything wrong with Baltimoron, just that they were your typical young white trashy Baltimorons. However, they were a lot of fun and one of the guys worked for UTZ so he brought over these awesome pretzels and chips and we loved him forever b/c he satisfied the drunk munchies. Oh lets not forget the buffalo chicken dip that KT made...I'm pretty sure that betch sprinkled mine with some snow b/c I finished the whole dayum bucket with her. Some additional highlights of the evening include 5 broken beer bottles (back off, we were in the hot tub and our hands were slippy), one too many cigarettes (I'm pretty sure I smoked and I DO NOT smoke), possibly some greenery, and someone's mom next door telling us to turn the amp down and be quiet. HAAALLLAAAARIOUS.

Friday: Woke up without a shirt on in my bed staring at my best friend singing "I used to read WordUp Magazine" in my head. Mystery solved about the shirt, I was in the hot tub, I started to put on my pj's and go to sleep but was just too tired to actually put a shirt on at that time (waaay too much work). So I decided to seep in just my sleepy pants sans shirt. Thanks to KT for covering me with my sweatshirt - much obliged. I went to lie out and fell asleep in the sun b/c I managed about 4 hours of sleep and was in desperate need of a recharge. Around 11am the Bloody Mary's started flowing. Around 1pm the hot tub was turned on. Around 2pm the beer bonging started. Around 2:30pm the champagne cocktails came out. I have vague memories after this, but I know it involved me eating pasta salad b/c someone told me I would die of alcohol poisoning if I didn't, chasing around a 3 year old who fell in love with me b/c I was "soo much fun Miss Megan", and a rainbow spotting. Cue the night sky.

Friday Night: There was a lot of Red Bull and Vodka included in this evening which is just such a bad idea in itself. Apparently around midnight two of the gals and I decided it would be a rad idea to go to the local bar/club and hang out. I wore no makeup, my hair in a ponytail, and flip flops. I must have been STUNNING. We ended up finding a bachelor party that we hung out with the entire time (and a creepy guy who kept sticking his bad breath in my face and trying to dance with me), pouring my drink on a girl and saying "What Bitch? I don't know your life!!”, taking a cab home, forcing the cab driver to stop at Wendy's to feed my “SNACK ATTACK BITCHES”, and laughing for 3 hours straight. Additionally, I came home to find that all of my items were in the washing machine b/c apparently someone threw up on them. That's nice. At least my pillow survived the incident so I could slumber in peace (if you call drunk sleeping “slumber”).

Saturday: Let's just call this the "Come to Jesus" moment. After 8 hours of sleep in a 2-day period, so much alcohol it actually didn't matter how many times I brushed my teeth my breath still wreaked of it, countless unexplainable bruises, foggy memories of my own funny statements, and the inability to remember portions of the previous evening, my body shut down. She no longer wanted to act like she could hang anymore; she just wanted to die...right then and there. I am doing some serious damage to my liver and internal organs and really need to get my life in order. This became the theme of the entire weekend and continues to live on. However I ate the best hot dog I have ever had in my life (kosher dog with relish, mustard, ketchup and coleslaw) and did a little shopping so it wasn't all a wash. Let’s not forget me asking if the chick on Dirty Dancing has a sailboat on her p*ssy b/c seriously when Baby’s sister is rehearsing for that stupid talent show, those shorts she has on, looks like a sailboat placed strategically on her china. Take a look, let me know your thoughts.

All-in-all this was a pretty fun arse weekend. I left a lot out b/c I plan to blog about this weekend again and right now my fingers/brain are tired from typing/thinking so much. The girls plan to do this every year and turn it into a girl's weekend instead of a bachelorette party...can I hang? Time will only tell people, time will only tell.