Some days you’re destined to fail just a little bit.

The kids wake you up in the usual way – by jumping on you and yammering on until you finally relent and start the day.

You go to help dress the oldest one only to find that they’ve donned a swimming costume that they WILL NOT remove in favour of their preschool uniform. ‘I DON’T WANT TO WEAR PANTS’.

Negotiations are held.

Meanwhile, the youngest one is busy licking a plug they’ve found.

You remove the plug whilst educating the older one about the benefits of tooth brushing.

The older one gets upset while you have your 60 second shower as they simply must have fairy bread now or they’ll physically expire, so they end up having ‘first breakfast’ while you attempt to make yourself look vaguely presentable with the youngest one hanging off your legs.

Once you’re all finally ready, you dart off to do the nursery run where, upon arrival the older one starts crying, clinging to you like a limpet and protesting about how they’d much rather stay at home and watch tv – in front of the nursery staff – making you look like a totally lazy ‘tv as a babysitter’ kind of parent. (Which, of course, you are not – you attempt to aim for something a bit closer to Mary Poppins obvs).

You leave nursery anyway – feeling like the devil for abandoning your crying child – and go across town to collect your friends’ baby as you agreed to help out while they worked today – you kept this a secret from the older one in order to avoid the tantrum to end all tantrums.

This is fine but results in a fight with a double buggy at some point, as you can’t figure out how to fold the fucking thing away after using it. After 20 minutes wrangling it finally folds, so you flip the inanimate object the bird as you are victorious!

After a day of keeping the two babies entertained you prepare dinner (stuff from the freezer) while your partner collects the oldest from nursery where he’s told you owe them money for extra activities – apparently the £51 you already pay them PER DAY isn’t enough ?

You get excited at the thought of the older one getting free funding in a few months, then remember that the younger one will start nursery then so you’ll be precisely zero pounds better off.

You need a stiff drink, but have nothing in and zero pounds to go and buy supplies.

You can only be glad that not all days are like this and that tomorrow will probably be better.