Mindfulness • Personal Growth • Motivation

When it’s ok to give up

I. Give up trying to please people.

You don’t need anyone else’s validation or approval. Stop taking things so personally. Whatever anyone thinks or says about you is none of your business. I don’t care what they say or how “damaging” you think it could be. The only thing damaging is when you retaliate or sink to their level. Think about it. They are damaging their own character if they are throwing shade or trying to trump you. They have their own issues to deal with which they should be focusing on. Let that shit go. If someone doesn’t like you, they know where the door is. If they continue to hang around trying to make you miserable, then you absolutely have the right to escort them to the door and shut it behind them. And if this person is a coworker or even a boss, remember that they aren’t your friends. Do your work, get paid and go home.

2. Give up on the idea that you are a role.

You’re not your profession. You’re not a parent/child, rich/poor, your culture, race, religion or sex. You are a spirit; a soul playing a part. You wear different masks and costumes in each role you play. Can you see that? You are a divine creator. You are so much more than any role you play here in this human life. That’s not a compliment. It’s a deep truth.

3. Give up the story of your past.

Stop looking back. You’re not going that way. Whatever happened to you is just a story; a memory in your mind. It’s not happening now. If you’re dwelling on it perhaps you haven’t found the lesson from it. Try to find one good thing that came out of a situation and then let the rest of the story go. Don’t look too far in the future either. Let the waves of life take you where you need to be. When you fight it by trying to swim in the wrong direction, you will quickly become exhausted and discouraged. If life is telling you that something isn’t working out, the way life has a tendency to do, go in another direction! Be like water. Water flows in the path of least resistance. Imagine a big rainfall overflowing a river. The river will swell, possibly branching out, and flow in a natural direction with the terrain. It doesn’t try to flow upwards when it hits a hill. It flows right around it. You are a part of nature. Don’t let your mind control you into thinking that you need to keep climbing the same mountain over and over again until you reach the top. How do you know you’ll ever reach the top or if you’ll even like the view? What happens if and when you get there? Is that enough? Learn your lessons from whatever trials life has for you and move on from them. Quit reliving the same scenarios over and over again. You have to think logically about your goals. If Plan A doesn’t work go to Plan B and so on.

4. Give up being stubborn.

There’s a place for perseverance but not when it comes to every day little things that don’t really matter. If you know you’re right in a situation, just be content with it. You do not need to change anyone else’s opinions. In fact, you can’t change another’s perception of reality. Persevere when it comes to bettering your self; your mental, spiritual and physical health. Do your best at your job and be a good person. You don’t need to make anyone else view things from your perspective. It’s not their job to do that. Put your wisdom out there and if someone benefits from it that’s a wonderful thing. If they don’t that perfectly ok. You may want to open your mind and possibly even learn something from the other person! heehee

5. Give up your idea of success.

If your idea of success is anything other than being content with what you have, surrounding yourself with the loves of your life, enjoying each day to the fullest and appreciating everything you have, it might be time to rethink your ideas. Life doesn’t have to be complicated. We just make it that way. Happiness isn’t something to be obtained sometime in the future. Things will never make you happy. Prove this for yourself. Go and buy something you’ve always wanted. See how long it makes you happy. Have your problems gone away? It’s a temporary high. Soon you’ll want something else. Even if you obtain a nice car or two, a large house, have a beach house cottage to escape to, whatever electronic gadgets you like, clothes and jewelry; even if you get a personal trainer, nips and tucks, your own personal assistant, housekeeper and cook, or whatever else you think will bring you happiness, have your problems gone away? Someone you love may get a disease and die. You may lose your own health suddenly. Maybe you won’t be able to keep it all up for some reason. Accidents could happen. Someone may hurt you in some way. Maybe you’ll never know if you’re loved for yourself or for your money. The list goes on. If you can’t find happiness today, with what you have, you won’t find it if you have more things.

6. Give up gossip.

We all say we don’t gossip but let’s be honest here, at some point someone is going to say something about someone you know that peaks your interest a little bit. Maybe a coworker has been acting differently and someone thinks they have the scoop on why. If someone approaches you with gossip and you’re not sure how to respond, perhaps you can simply respond with something like, “Well, I hope everything works out for them” then change the subject quickly or say you’ve got to run. I promise you that if you don’t engage in gossip, people will stop coming to you with gossip. You do not want to be known as a gossiper. You don’t want people coming to you with all their petty stories about others. To be clear, gossip is not just you talking about someone behind their back to another person. It is also when you’re hearing any “story” second hand from someone. It’s also when someone is telling you their side of a story when the other party isn’t present. Do not take sides. Do not ask questions. Simply say, “I’m sorry you’re going through a rough time. I know the feeling” or something similar. Then suggest they discuss it directly with the person they have issues with. Don’t get in the middle. As a reminder, focus on your own goals, job performance, health and family. Everything else is just “noise” and is not your business.

7. Give up dwelling on situations.

This kind of goes with giving up the story of your past but the difference is that we could dwell on not just our past but anything. We could obsess about the health of a loved one, dwell on our fears, a future event, the way you perceive someone treated you at the check out line, your waist size, etc. Dwelling is wasted time and energy. I’m guilty of it. I’m guilty of all of this which is why I know how to write about it. But I’m trying to get better.

8. Give up procrastinating

This has recently become a problem for me because I need to do something I don’t want to do. Every fiber of my being does not want to do this thing but I don’t see another choice right now. So I’ve been procrastinating. The only thing I can say about this with confidence is that every time I have procrastinated in the past I’ve always realized that once I got started, it wasn’t that bad. It’s that period of time beforehand that you know you need to do something but don’t want to that is absolute torture. You can’t really enjoy the time you do have to relax because you’re always stressing about the thing you need to do. If you haven’t made this into a habit that’s wonderful. Don’t ever start! I’m pretty good about meeting deadlines and work stuff but it’s the personal stuff I have a harder time with. The stuff that I know I need to do but no one is holding me to it. I’m trying to practice more self discipline in that area. I’m trying harder to eat the frog first thing in the morning. But dang that frog is a tough one to get down sometimes! 🐸

9. Give up blaming others for your actions and feelings.

“He did this. She did that.” Let’s get real. This is a truth that hurts. You play a part in whatever it was that is making you miserable. You could have just walked away. You could have realized that their perception is their own business and let it roll off your shoulder. You could have not accepted poor treatment. You could have reported it. Unless you were a victim of a crime, and sometimes even then, there are many different ways of handling situations besides blaming the other person. I’m NOT saying anyone deserves or is asking for a crime. I also realize that sometimes terrible, unthinkable things happen in life that are extremely difficult to deal with. But I am saying you still have choices. Don’t ever let anyone crush your spirit. They could take everything else from you but they can’t take your spirit. You may have been a victim of something at some point but you absolutely do not have to identify yourself as a victim for the rest of your life. At some point, you have to move on or you will die in that victim role. I understand this truth at a very deep level personally so I’m not just preaching here. It may take months or even years but the sooner you work on yourself, your mind and soul, that inner spiritual work that is sometimes ugly and difficult and no one can do for you, the better. No one can make you miserable forever. Once the incident (however large or small) has passed, you are making yourself miserable by reliving it in your mind, harboring hate and being unforgiving. What the person did may have been bad but what we do to ourselves is so much worse. Learn to let go.

A few things to never, ever give up on.

Don’t give up on your passions.

Don’t give up on your creativity.

Don’t give up on the people you love. I’m not saying that you need to take crap from anyone. Sometimes it is best to love people from afar. That’s happened to me in my life with my own sibling. But I wish her no harm. I wish the very best for her despite the fact that we are living very different lives and have extremely different viewpoints. We clash like oil and water but that’s ok.

Don’t give up being curious and asking questions.

Don’t give up being authentically you.

Don’t give up your morals or ethics because of peer pressure. If your boss tells you to do something you don’t agree with then tell him or her where to go (ok, you may want to be more diplomatic and strategize an exit plan).

Don’t give up trying in life. Even when emotions have you down or you’re feeling like you hit a wall, keep going. Problems come and problems go. Don’t let a situation put you in a downward spiral and ruin your life. You absolutely have the capability and power to change your mind and think differently about a situation. Pull yourself up by your boot straps and get back on the horse.

Don’t give up your day job. Work on your dreams but don’t be foolish. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. (Remember what I said about how life doesn’t always work out like we plan?)

Don’t give up learning. There’s so much to learn from everyone we meet. Don’t miss an opportunity to get to know someone. Listen to their story and learn from them. It’s funny to me how each one of us tries to reinvent the wheel. We have so much to learn from our elders, people that have found a way to overcome a certain hurdle in life, from children and babies and even from animals and nature. Look for the lessons and the teachers will come.

Don’t give up having fun and taking time for self care.

Don’t give up on humanity.

Lastly, please don’t give up on yourself. You’re here for a divine reason. The world needs you or you wouldn’t exist. There may be something about your beautiful smile that changes someone’s day, the energy you bring to a room, your personality, insights, sense of humor, the way you work or play. Things you may not even be aware of are likely profoundly affecting others.