Good Morning, Vietnam quotes

General: I think I see a pattern forming here.Dreiwitz: Sir, these letters are unequivocal! Uh, e.g., [reads a letter] "Hey, Hauk. Eat a bag of shit. You suck." That's pretty much to the point, sir, not much gray area in this one.Garlick: We got one positive call from some guy in Wichita, who thought that Hauk's comedy was "visionary and interesting." The other eleven hundred calls say that the man can't do comedy to save his dick! [pause] That's a direct quote, sir.Phil: I've taken ninety calls this morning-- they just don't like Hauk.Garlick: From a Marine in Danang: "Captain Hauk sucks the sweat off a dead man's balls." I have no idea what that means, sir, but it seems very negative to me.General: I think the troops are trying to tell us something, fellas.

Hauk: First of all, don't make fun of the weather here, and don't say the weather is the same all the time here, because it's not. In fact, it's two degrees colder today than yesterday.Adrian: Two degrees colder? [gasps] Me without my muff.

Hauk: Okay, who do we have slated for live entertainment in November?Phil: Well, we originally wanted Bob Hope, but it turns out he won't come.Hauk: Why not?Garlick: He doesn't play police actions, just wars. Bob likes a big room, sir.[The group laughs]Hauk: That is not funny!Abersold: How about if it escalated?Hauk: How about if what escalated?Abersold: The Vietnam conflictHauk: The Vietnam conflict. We are not going to escalate a whole war just so we can book a big name comedian!

Hauk: Sir, the man has got an irreverent tendency. He did a very off-color parody of former VP Nixon.General: I thought it was hilarious.Hauk: Respectfully, sir, the former VP is a good man and a decent man.General: Bullshit! I know Nixon personally. He lugs a trainload of shit behind him that would fertilize the Sinai. Why, I wouldn't buy an apple from the son of a bitch and I consider him a good, close, personal friend.

Hauk: Where you do imagine you're going?Adrian: Just gonna get a little something to eat.Hauk: You don't have time. You'll stay here and drink instant beverages or something. We promised our listening audience Nixon highlights by 4 PM.Adrian: I've been on the air for four hours. I'm a little hungry.Hauk: That's a joke, right? I get it.Adrian: Nooo, I'm actually hungryHauk: Well I'm actually giving you an order. [Walks out.]Adrian: Oh it's an order. In that case gentlemen. Let's edit.

Nixon: Therefore, there is no place for neutrality or a neutralist sentiment in South Vietnam. As I leave Vietnam today there is no doubt, certainly, in my mind that the Viet Cong will be defeated and this war will be won. Asia does involve, I think, very appropriately as you have suggested, give and take.Adrian: Well I-- I really didn't make that suggestion, sir, I'm sorry.Nixon: The United States has no right to give--Hauk: Why would Cronauer's voice be on this tape?Abersold: I don't know, Lieutenant.Nixon: --territory to the communists.Adrian: Mr. Nixon, thank you for that concise political commentary, but I think I'd like to delve into something slightly more personal for the men in the field. How would you describe your testicles?[Hauk turns to the radio in horror]Nixon: That they're soft, and that they're shallow and they have no purpose.Hauk: Oh, my God.Adrian: What are you saying, sir?Hauk: Oh, my God.Nixon: That they lack the physical strength.Adrian: How would you describe your sex life with your wife Pat?Nixon: It is unexciting sometimes.Adrian: Well, have you considered, possibly, a sex change. There is an operation that can transform youHauk: Please don't do this to me. Please don't do this to me.Adrian: --into a female Great Dane or possibly a very well hung Chihuahua. Mr. Nixon, while you've been in Vietnam, its rumored that you've smoked marijuana. Are you planning to take some of the marijuana home back to the United States? How would you do that?Nixon: By plane. By helicopter and also by automobile.

[Adrian sees the story about the bombing that he witnessed and he starts taking it to the control room, going past the two censors]Censor #1: What do you think you're doing? You know you're forbidden to read anything not checked by this office.Adrian: What's there to check? I was there.Censor #1: Airman, you know the rules. If this is a legitimate news story, it must go through proper channels.Adrian: Listen, Tweedledee, it's an actual event. [referring to the blood on his shirt] What do you think this came from? Shaving? It's the truth. I just want to report the truth. It'll be a nice change of pace.Dickerson: What's going on here?Adrian: Sir, will you listen to me?Dickerson:[reads the story] This is not official news, airman. As far as I'm concerned, it didn't happen.Adrian: It did happen.Dickerson: You shut your mouth!Adrian: What are you afraid of Dickerson? People might find out there's a war going on?Dickerson: This news is not official.Adrian: You want everyone going under the assumption it's perfectly safe here, don'tcha? Well, it's not. The fighting's not just in the hills, it's downtown. It's a couple of ****ing BLOCKS!Dickerson: I SAID IT IS NONE OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS!Adrian: I see your point. I'm sorry. I guess I get inside, hit these air conditioners, I get a little dizzy. Thanks for setting me straight.

[As camp fashion consultant] Thank you. I think this fall, the discerning GI is gonna be wearing green in the jungle. Why? Because it matches with the green! The leaves, they fall upon the helmets, says yes to me.

[as Walter Cronkite] I just want to begin by saying to Roosevelt E. Roosevelt, what it is, what it shall be, what it was. The weather out there today is hot and shitty with continued hot and shitty in the afternoon. Tomorrow a chance of continued crappy with a pissy weather front coming down from the north. Basically, it's hotter than a snake's ass in a wagon roundup.