Greetings. First, I normally do not read such long posts, but this was a very compelling story…and the welfare of children is an issue close to my heart.

Let’s get you some answers:

Yes, I would ask the court to immediately limit Mom’s time with the children. No, I would not ask for a restraining order for the Friend, since if you reduce Mom’s time, you automatically reduce Friend’s time. Also, you can ask in the order that Friend not be allowed around the children. You cannot simply refuse to provide the children, but instead you must file an action with the court about this.

You could get the court order in a day or two if you act quickly and retain a diligent attorney. Well before the weekend visit.

Possibly. Have you talked to Mom at all? Maybe making her aware of her destructive behavior would also be a good move now. I think that setting guidelines for the visitation would be more likely than supervised visitation - but you never know depending on the judge.

No, not likely that she would need to testify. You and your husband can testify about her fear, reaction, etc.

Yes, counseling would probably help since this child likely has abandonment issues and now will be dealing with trying to figure out how to judge mom and what type of relationship she can have with her, etc. I don’t doubt that counseling for both of them would be appropriate.

Yes, I would argue that it is wrong. I honestly don’t know if it is a criminal offense, as that is a question for the district attorney. My first priority though would be protecting the children.

My advice is to hire an attorney today and make sure they do not have to go this weekend until ground rules for visitation can be set in stone. Best of luck.

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.

Thank you so much for your prompt and thorough response, We now know what we have to do. I contacted an attorney in the appropriate county, he was listed on your site. Unfortunately we cannot get an appt. until Wed.AM, hopefully that will not be too late.

Sorry to have been so long winded, I was just very upset and wanted all the facts out. I really DO tend to be long winded, my apologies. [:I]

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.

Ms. Fritts - We would certainly have preferred your representation, but considering our time frame (kids are supposed to go with Momma to visit “friend” THIS WEEKEND) would it even be possible to change the venue, file a motion and be able to prevent the visit from happening?

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.

Ms. Fritts, We saw our lawyer yesterday. He is filng a motion today for changes in the custody agreement. He says there is NOTHING we can do about this wekeend visit other than to call the ex and tell her we filed a motion and are not sending the children! Is this possibly right?!! There is NOTHING we can do legally to keep our kids from being exposed to this type of behavior this weekend?! WHAT a nightmare!!! If this is indeed true, then we would have just called you folks for a change in venue and handled this problem from Raleigh instead of these constant 2 hr trips to another county Please adsvise [?]

Of course there is something. You can get an emergency restraining order (an ex parte order) through the courts. The motion would not be sufficient for what was done with the children present in my opinion.

Remember that a change of venue must be performed in the county where the action exists. So, if you change the venue to Wake or Mecklenburg county, please do call us. Thank you…and sorry that you did not get the service and advice you needed.

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.

EX HAVING SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH 'FRIEND" - CHILDREN IN SAME MOTEL ROOM

We picked up our two stepchildren (Boy age 6 and Girl age 9) tonight after their bi-weekly weekend visitation with their Mother. The children were both upse, but they said it was because they spent 9 hours in the car yesterday driving to a rendezvous with their mother’s male “friend” in a hotel, spent the night with them, and then drove 9 hours back tonight just in time for us to pick them up. However the 9 year old was acting strangely, and I asked her “what’s up?” She reluctantly told us that MOM AND THE “FRIEND” HAD SLEPT TOGETHER IN THE SAME BED IN THE HOTEL ROOM, children sharing the other bed, and this was NOT the first time. Her younger brother chimed into the conversation and agreed that “Momma” and “Friend” always slept in the same bed, and that he knew that was wrong.

9 year old stepdaughter was still acting strangely. I asked her if there was something she wanted to talk about just with me, and she looked very relieved and said “YES!” After a few minutes she said she couldn’t wait until we got home to tell me, and could she whisper to me. I agreed, and she whispered in my ear that there were 'strange noises and stuff in the other bed". I did not encourage her to talk any more about it as we were still in the car, but very matter of factly said, “Oh. Well, you can tell Dad all about it after we get home, but right now we are going to play a game!”

Her father put her to bed after we arrived home, and she told him that Momma and friend had been whispering and kissing for a while after they all climbed in bed, and she pretended to be asleep. She then said she heard strange noises in the other bed, rolled over “pretending to sleep” and saw her mother on her side with “the friend” behind her (demonstrated ‘spooning’ with a teddy bear). She then told him that they were NOT sleeping - Momma was moving a little and “friend” was moving a LOT behind her, and they were both breathing “weird” and then said it was “kinda like Darth Vader breathing”. And Momma “made other strange noises”.

Dad kept his cool, and just asked if they were playing a game. She looked at him as though he was stupid and whipered “Daaaaddd… they were doing sex!” How he kept his cool after that I don’t know, but I DO know that we have to do something about this IMMEDIATELY!!

Questions:

Does this situation call for an an emergency ex-parte order to at least keep them away from “Friend” or do we need to get some sort of a restraining order? What about keeping them away from Mom until some sort of court hearing?

How long would something like this take? Both children told us that they are supposed to go to “friend’s” house this coming weekend!

Is this something that a judge would consider as a situation indicating a need for supervised visitation from this point? “Momma” lives with her parents, so supervision would not be a problem.

9 year old is very a very reliable, intelligent girl, but like many children abandoned by their mother (Mom just back in their lives this year after a 4 yr absence) she is very reluctant to do anything to 'get Momma in trouble". Would she need to testify? When?

Should we seek counseling for the 9 year old immediately? Or simply try to get her to recount the story to some other reliable adult? What about the six year old who only knows that “momma” and “friend” sleep in the same bed??

Is it wrong for her to be in bed with “friend” with the children present, or is it just the sex that is the problem? Isn’t it a criminal offense for them to have sex in front of the kids?!!

We would appreciate ANY advice you have to offer, we are absolutely FRANTIC at this point!