Stupid Crack

Found out yesterday that a good friend of mine of 24 years, who I consider a brother and I’m his sister, has become a crackhead. And this downward spiral has been going on for perhaps a couple of years. He’s always been a hermit and one of those people who is borderline depressed all the time. As he’s aged he’s pushed his friends away and closed himself up, now we find out why. He’s already got breathing issues, he’s overweight and to find out he’s gone down this path concerns me greatly. I think all of us who were close to him are worried that he’s going to do too much and hurt himself, injure himself or die.

I really don’t know if he’ll even reach out for help. I think he just wants to disappear and “go away”. He’s been suicidal before and hospitalized for it. His close friends and family have moved away or died. I think he doesn’t see any happiness in life anymore. And I think he’s been that way for longer than we’ve realized.

It’s just really sad. I feel like he’s already gone, whether he’s dead or alive. My friend and “brother” is gone out of my life and the rest of his friend’s and family’s life. Maybe he’s been dealing with more pain on the inside than any of us ever known, like dealing with it for most of his life…and he’s been “undertowed” and is out at sea.