My blessed life as Jayda's Mommy…

>Direction… the Answer to my "Where to?"

About two years ago we (Michael and I) decided to try to have another baby. We had our concerns such as…

my disabilty…

money…

daycare…

money…

Michael’s age…

money…

starting over with a diaper bag, formula, sleepless nights…

money…

But we also felt the desire to have another… a boy- maybe? But a little sister for Jayda would be great too… Jayda wanted a baby too… But…

Money? (was slightly on our mind- slightly)

*Sigh* We went back and forth… yes… no… maybe… no, yes… ugh, maybe we shouldn’t because you know… the money thing…

Ok… here is the deal… let’s leave it up to God…

“God, we are going to try… but you decide…ok?”

“OK…” (He didn’t really say OK… but yeah, you get the picture).

Sooo, I go for my yearly check up… the fun one that makes you absolutely hate uhm, I mean, LOVE being a woman and have the privilege to bring a miracle into the world… yeah, that visit. And to make it even more enjoyable, they weigh you. I won’t enlighten you with numbers, but let’s just say – I weighed more than I weighed when I was 9 months pregnant with Jayda. Uhm, yeah. And I wish I could say I was one of those blessed pregnant girls that only gained the amount that the baby weighed… yeah, maybe Jayda’s weight at the age of 5. Anyhoo…so I don’t think I need to REALLY tell you what the doctor told me… do I?

Yeah… something aboutlosingweight.1200caloriediet.workout… it was all such a blur…

so yeah…

I went to workout out with Leah Wells that very same day… seriously.

All to have another baby… IF God wanted us too… (can’t leave that out- it’s important… really).

So that was the plan… I had a year to lose the weight- then we’d try to get pregnant… in that order. (I was sure God would say yes… really).

Well, a year later (I do have a point- promise)… I lost some of the weight… enough in my opinion to try…

We tried.

God said no.

Surprisingly…

I was OK with that.

But, what now God? Is this it?

“HA, HA, HA… is this it? Of course THIS is not it.” God replied (no, really, He did).

He went on to say…

Don’t you feel your confidence? Don’t you feel stronger? Aren’t you liking your results? Don’t you feel like YOU can do things now? You CAN… you CAN… you.. you – meaning ME??

I can.

You see, God knew that the only way He would get me to commit to the weight loss was the idea of possibly having another baby. And He knew that I needed to lose the weight to gain my confidence. And I needed my confidence to do what He needed me to do. So, He went with that. I lost the weight… but He had a better plan. A plan for me to get physically stronger, mentally stronger, become confident, feel so good about myself, accept my disablity, follow dreams, accomplish goals…

He found a way to show me that I was worth so much. He knew it… but He needed me to know it.

I found my value, I showed my daughter things that her mommy could do instead of focusing on what mommy couldn’t do…

I found me.

That was His plan all along.

So, ok, He was done… right?

Uh, NO!

He has been speaking to me.

He wants me to follow His plan. I had so many questions for Him the other day and I found myself with some down time, on my own, so I opened up my bible and was led to to the following scriptures:

Luke 1:45

Blessed is she that believed, for there shall be fulfillment of the things which have been spoken.

OK, God… I believe… but what… what do I do?

So He then led me to:

Luke 1:79

To shine upon them that sit in darkness and the shadow of death; to guide our feet into the way of peace.

OK, you want me to help others, others who are hurt, suffering… disabilites, illnesses, perhaps? But how Lord? How?

Revelation 1:19

WRITE… write therefore the things which thou sewest and the things which are and the things which shall come to pass hereafter.

But, Lord… I have VERY limited knowledge on YOUR words… I am knew to scripture… How can I really do this and be successful? Where do I start? Who can guide me?

I closed my bible at this point… not sure on what was next.

Went to service this morning to listen to this:

“Use what you’ve been given.”

Serve the Lord with what YOU can do. And if you are not sure what it is exactly that YOU can do… just start with something… experiment.

And this is where my committment to our Lord begins…

With my God… I can do all things… with my God… I will do what He wants me to do.