“hey, your being awfully quiet, is there some thing wrong?” Tara asked me, breaking my trance
“oh, no I’m just thinking” I really didn’t know what to do, I mean of course I love Gerard and my friends, but I cant be like my old self for the rest of my life could I? no I couldn’t what about a family and a job, it just wouldn’t cut it. But then again, it is who I am, do I go and change that because I’ve seen that it’s easier?
It took us five hours to get ready, and we looked DAMN good. We had curled my hair, and thrown it into a half pony-tale, and Tara had curled her hair and thrown it all up. Her parents took pictures and we were off. We had gotten there before our dates. It had been fifteen minutes and they still weren’t there, and the first slow song had started. Suddenly I felt a tap on my shoulder, it was Ben, Captain of the soccer team.
“would you like to dance?” he asked, Gerard wasn’t there yet, so what could it hurt? I nodded, and we sauntered onto the “dance floor”. His grip was tight, forcing me to get some what uncomfortably close to him, but it was nice. I felt like a “Normal” girl. I could feel myself draw closer to him, on my own. Our faces grew closer and closer with every breath. Our lips met at once, and we kissed. It was magical and horrible at the same time, but there was no use in struggling. Suddenly I felt a pair of eyes burn a hole in my back, when I turned I saw the saddest face turn and walk away. I broke free from Ben and ran after him, but some one grabbed my arm and stopped me, it was Frank. I was extremely pissed, hadn’t he run his mouth enough today? And now here he is preventing me from getting to Gerard. UGHH I wanted to beat his tiny little face in!
“what?” I yelled at him
“what the fuck is your problem” he boomed back
“Frank I don’t have time to talk to you”
“oh really, but you have time to make out with some stupid jock face?”
“…frank…” I pleaded
“you know, I was right about you…psh, Gerard thought you loved him”
“I do…I…I…I just”
“you just went and fucking changed, Jackie, you changed” he turned to walk away, but before leaving he turned to say “and not in a good way” and he left. I ran around looking for either Tara or Mikey, I needed to get back to the house. I was really hoping Tara was the one I found first, Mikey would be so mad at me. No such luck, I didn’t care though. I ran over and tapped him on the shoulder.
“oh hey Jackie” he obviously was clueless as to what happened
“uh hi…”
“what’s wrong? Where’s Gerard?” he asked in a semi scared semi confused tone
“we need to get home”
“what happened?” he broke out into a panic
“nothing…its just…”
“what Jack’s you know you can tell me anything”
“are you sure?”
“yeah, I mean and if it involves my brother I think I kinda have a right to know”
“well…Gerardsawmekissingben…” I said it so fast I don’t even think I understood what I was saying. His jaw just dropped.
“please tell me you did not just say that Gerard, the guy you supposedly love, saw you kissing a guy, who is not the guy you supposedly love?”
“yes, and enough with the guilt trip, I feel bad enough as it is!”
“you know, I don’t give a fuck how you feel!” he yelled “come on, lets go” he commanded. I had never seen Mikey this upset before, he’s usually very easy going…but I guess I disserved it. He didn’t talk to me the whole way to the house, I think it was a good thing though, there really wasn’t much to say. When we got to the house, I ran to his room. I didn’t know what I was going to say so I stood outside his door for a while thinking. I hesitantly knocked on the door, seconds later it swung open with a great ferocity I almost fell.
“what?” he sounded so dead, I said nothing, so much was racing through my head that I wouldn’t even know where to begin…so I didn’t. we stood there awkwardly for a few moments, he finally spoke “come in…” he opened the door some more for me to enter the room. I went over and sat on the bed and there was an other moment of silence, I just couldn’t think of what to say. He did. “Jackie, I don’t even know what to do anymore…” his words were drenched with pain. “I don’t want you to say sorry…I just want…”
“what do you want?” I finally spoke
“I want you…gone…” his words broke my heart, I couldn’t even begin to know how he felt. “Jacks, or Jackie, fuck you see how bad its gotten I don’t even know what the fuck to call you anymore, I’m all cool with you changing, and growing, hell I was happy for you. But seriously just because you’ve changed doesn’t mean you can hurt me”
“What the fuck, I never thought that Gerard”
“then what the fuck made you do it? I sure as hell know you wouldn’t have done that a month ago, I mean ask your self would you have?”
“no” I mumbled, and looked away, he was right…
“go ahead and change all you want Jackie, I’m not mad at you for it, I just want nothing to do with you anymore. You really hurt me…”
“I understand” my voice was week, and barely understandable “I’ll try and find a place to stay as soon as I can, and when I do I’ll be out of here. Is that okay?”
“yeah that’s fine” his eyes were blank and they tore right to my soul, I could feel his pain as my own. “can I ask you one last thing?” he ask as I was half way through the door.
“of coarse Rardy-kins” I gave him a week smile
“don’t give me that guilt trip bull shit Jackie, I wanted to know why you did it”
“I’m sorry, but I cant answer that” I looked at the floor
“and why not?” he crossed his arms in a huff
“because I’m trying to figure it out myself…” and with that I left, not just physically, mentally too.