3. You will learn to have endless patience

New vegans are like born agains and they needed to be treated as such. They are very excited about the commitment they have made and want to talk about literally nothing else. It can be a tad tedious. Hopefully in a month or so they will outgrow their new vegan status.

5. You will be forced to deal with the terror of childhood vegetables

Eggplant. Cauliflower. All your old enemies reassembled to battle with you once again. Yes, one of your magical vegan friends might make these horror foods palatable, but for the most part they are as bad as you remember. One does not eat purple.

6. However, you will learn that they also hate salad

7. And secretly, a majority of Vegans are good cooks

Long before Whole Foods roamed the earth, Vegans had to fend for themselves using nothing but their brains and ingenuity. Chances are a Vegan is more likely to be able to whip up something incredible from the six things remaining in the fridge than you yourself.

9. You will realize that most Vegans are normal accepting people

The chances are that if you have a “good” Vegan friend, they are going to excuse your screwing up and occasionally serving them something they can’t eat. This is turn multiplies your guilt 1000%. Good on vegans though for overcoming their uptight image.

10. Except when they are not

11. You will come to grips with your own personal shame

Look, there is something incredibly galling about someone having the willpower to completely change their life, give up cheese and make healthy choices while you still like going to Wendy’s. It’s a tiny dark coal of envy that is going to cling to you for the rest of your life. Well, until you have another piece of Brie.