Wednesday, May 30, 2007

I dont want to be a Perfectionist!!

I have received innumerable emails and comments on as to why I haven’t been blogging for so long. Few messages were very sweet and some were compelling me to write. Thanks for all your Love and Affection friends. I apologize for coming up with this after SUCH a long time. Though I was compelled to write something…I simply couldn’t. I blame it all on ‘myself’ for that.

I was into a deep introspection and it was very much necessary at this point of time. What is and who are very important in my life?Who are the people I need disassociate with who suck all the energy out of you? And associate more with who can add value into your life? Ultimately the time and again asked question … how can anyone forget this question when one is into the introspection?? : P What is the ultimate goal or purpose of my life? What is the strongest ambition that I have?

We all do something or anything for that matter to make ourselves or someone happy. And if someone is a perfectionist like me, he or she will suffer big-time. I never do things which I am not too good at.

I feel singing is something I would love to pursue but I feel I am not competent enough for that! Hence I never sing…except to sing for myself or my friends.

I only realize when my friends tell me that I am good at something …otherwise I think I am futile or no good. That doesn’t mean I enforce things upon my friends and keep asking them to tell me what I am good at and what I am not good at. The least I expect from them is to praise me for what am good at…I am not obsessed with what I have nor I am cribbing for what I don’t have. I feel I have enough and I don’t make use of what I have. Yes, you got it right. I am not tapping my energy and potential right .I don’t start things on my own… I need that initial push as to the momentum that can get me started or even try things which I am not very confident about. But that may not be the case always. I have to understand myself better and be confident, which I lack sometimes due to the compelling nature of being a perfectionist.

I am not boasting about myself at all …These are some of the short-comings of mine that I have realized and I need to work upon. I don’t want to keep this into my heart and crib anymore. I can completely feel that I am not using my potential to the maximum. I am either suppressing it or not letting “myself” out and provide myself the opportunities which can make me realize my potential…wait, wait, wait…opportunities???But don’t you think there are many opportunities in what ever you want to do?I am afraid that I will be lost in the competition. There should be some way to kill this competition and the only way is to be perfect in what you do. Back to square one. I am stuck in this vicious cycle of being a perfectionist in whatever I do.

Can someone tell me that “It’s OK. You are a human. You have the right to err.”? Of course yes, but not to repeat those mistakes again!

I thank myself for having few motivating people around me to tell me that it’s OK. Participation is important than being good. Few months ago my company conducted a SuDoKu Championship. I had no plans of participating. One of my colleagues had seen me solving puzzles sometime. He casually suggested me to take part in the SuDoKu Championship. I was hesitant. I always thought I am a Novice. But somehow convinced that participating is no bad I took part in it. I got through the first screening after solving 5 puzzles. 2 were very hard but it had no time limit so I could solve them. Second round had some 15 people short listed. This time there was a time limit and who ever solved first was to win the prize. The competition started, after a while I saw 3-4 people handing over the papers and leaving. I thought I have lost it. There is no need to solve this let me just leave… I am not going to win anyways. But a subtle voice in me told me …so what if you don’t win…there is a challenge here …I want you to solve these puzzles. It had 5 SuDoKu, 2 hard 3 very hard. Somehow I did it at last. I was the 5th or 6th one to leave the room. With the satisfaction that at least I solved the puzzles I left the room. To my surprise I got the 3rd place. It’s not necessary to be perfect or excellent in whatever you do to WIN. I believe its persistence that gets you a WIN almost ALWAYS. SuDoKu is something that I practice not very often than I practice chess…I guess my passion is more towards Logic (SuDoKu numbers) than is towards strategy (Chess) :P (Practice more?)

I feel like a caged pigeon. I want to fly. Fly like “The Seagull – Jonathan Livingston”. Not to be a perfectionist but to love and enjoy each and every bit of my journey towards being a perfectionist. Love and enjoy each and every bit of my journey from perfectionist to excellence. I hope I will never reach that state of perfectionism or excellence. There is always room for improvement and plenty of room for learning.

This is no END. I have found an alternate way out. Identify all the energy drains…close the caps forever! Do things little by little. Step by step. Enjoy the journey. And the Journey Never Ends… At least not until I am Gone!

Sweetheart..you know you are the best...U r that stone untouched and unturned...Once found and polished i no u will shine better than any diamond....And remember you sing awesomely well...Thanks for being my friend

"I need that initial push as to the momentum that can get me started or even try things which I am not very confident about. But that may not be the case always. I have to understand myself better and be confident, which I lack sometimes due to the compelling nature of being a perfectionist."

well no one is Perfc'nst(think so)

situations mk a person Strong..its nice to hear that Ther are Good Motivators and friends to be with you at times of Depression..nice..pics..nice blog dear..good day.

yeah very much true...when you dont feel like writing ...better refrain!

~jac

i din get you ....so do you mean you are a perfectionist? :P

~ hi Pankaj

yeah i know...no one is perfectionist..but if one always strives to be one ...and doesnt want to do things one is not perfect at ..one may never do other things wat he/she likes... nobody is born perfect!

n thanks ... :)

~ hi Samrina,

thanks :)

~ hi niki,

thnaks ..

"i feel like a caged animal too sometimes.but it is safe not to get outa cage :)"

lolz ...comfortable zone huh ?

~ hi backpakker

"we are the prisoners of our emotions ..the key to the cage is in your hands"

yeah very true...we get stuck in situations that we create!

~hi Pecos blue

lolz ...wat song are you refering to ?

~ hi Jeanne

Thanks for your blessings :)

you are always welcome

~ hi nikon

thanks..

oh cool ..will try to visit the other one too!

Sure...i'd love to talk philosophy all night while playing chess... :)

you seem to have the qualities of an arien more than taurus...are you a cusp???btw, we all have our doubts in our abilities...it's the initial fear of not living upto one's expectations...and one is more conscious about it if one expects more from other people...but, once that initial fear is surpassed then no one can stop you...

Thanks for visiting my blog. Hope you're glad to be back blogging. Seems You have a lot of inner turmoil because you are driven to succeed and need that pay-off. You are just as well to relax and greet each experience as just the experience for an entity of its own and not rewarded. Be in the moment and treasure being alive and able..then you can let go of this intensity, Easy for me to say! I am on the last leg of life and am the antithesis of perfection and have a lot of health problems, so I just enjoy greeting a new day!

Hi!I really appreciate your kind visit and I’m so happy you got me this possibility to read your blog. Love it.I started my today’s morning with your blog and it was my wonderful time.Thanks!!!Peace and Love be with you!

Hello White forest.Your post was very insightful. And being a perfectionist i too find myself in the same state as you. & finally i found out a solution for myself. I don't know whether it is coincidence or what but the solution is also the same as yours. In fact i just wrote about it on my blog. :)

That was a beautiful self-dissection. At times it is essential to introspect, to align our personal and professional goals. Good that you have done justice to yourself. May all your dreams turn into deeds and materialize:)..

This was an excellent post from you! There were parts of it when I thought you were desciribing me! My problem though is a little different... I expect so much from myself, due to my perfectionist attitude, that I can get very angry with myself and never forgive myself for doing something wrong...

Anyways, its nice to see that you've found your path, and are on your way to flying high!

And the bird and butterfly are great effects! Some positive energy :))

A great post, plenty of soul searching, knowing your potential.One of my many gripes in life is not having any ethical power to remove qualified persons who become laggards or procrastinators who drag the chain without any consideration for others, who we refer to in my country as bludgers.A pleasure to read your posts, you remind me of another sweet person with similar ideals, who has commented here.

Rathna, you have put it very well - "Identify all the energy drains...close the caps forever" :-)

But these 'caps' tend to pop out frequently (due to 'loss of focus') so one has to ensure they stayed capped every time ('continual focus') I recall the times when a motivational post or talk inspires you to change some aspects of your life, we implement the change but we seldom manage to sustain it......and those who mange to do so enjoy the journey till the destination.

The best thing about this post is (as mentioned by others too) one can so easily identify with it.... :-)

Nice post! Actually recently someone in my friend circle said the same and it came out that we all know our destination and we try to achieve that...in doing so the journey we travel to reach the destination...we forget to enjoy that...as by the time we reach the destination we dont know if we will enjoy or even like that place...so dear you said it right...enjoy Good postCheers

Interesting.. I guess I am a little late on this post., But hey! better late than never. Finding a purpose to life is not the easiest thing to do. But once you realize what your purpose is and you are certain about it, everything else falls into place. Its the indecisiveness about our purpose in life which clouds our mind and judgement. Chanced upon ur blog and realized that we worked together in the same co.. ccc... dont know where you still wrk here.. until later..