Mr. Krabs: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! [lands in the middle of the ocean] Wha? Where'd the beach go? These waters are calm. Too calm. [Dark clouds fill the sky] Dark sky. [Blood shoots out of the water] Water spouts.... of blood. [Three donuts fall from the sky. Krabs takes a bite of one] Jelly donuts falling from the sky. What could this mean? There's only one logical answer. I've landed right in the middle of Dutchman's Triangle. Right above Davy Jones' Locker. In the Devil's Galley. [another donut falls from the sky. The scene cuts to an island. Not the one Sandy landed on, but an island]

[The scene cuts to a scene where Twitch is teaching SpongeBob and Patrick to surf. A narrator speaks]

Narrator: Ah, learning how to surf. To some it comes as easily as eating an ice cream cone on a hot day.

[Twitch gives SpongeBob and Patrick each a surfboard]

Narrator: Others...

[SpongeBob and Patrick take bites out of their surfboards]

Narrator: ... well... to them, it's like eating an ice cream cone... on a cold day. Sometimes, in surfing, it's the approach that's most important.

SpongeBob and Patrick:[throw their boards into the water]

Narrator: And sometimes, it's the retreat.

[SpongeBob and Patrick's surfboards get hit by a wave and are knocked back to shore. Everyone runs away from the flying surfboards, screaming.. SpongeBob, Patrick and Twitch are sitting on surfboards]

Narrator: Once in a life-time, that perfect wave comes along. Not too big, not too small, and the surfer has to act fast...

Twitch: Go!

Narrator: ... or he stands to miss the ride of his life.

SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick! Wanna see something cool?

Patrick: You bet!

SpongeBob: Down here! [goes underwater with Patrick] See? It's a picture of Squidward!

Patrick: Wow.

Narrator: But all in all, in life, it's not whether we win or lose, but whether we get totally stoked.

SpongeBob and Patrick:[running around while yelling, "Loo, loo, loo!" over and over again.. The scene cuts back to the house made of guano]

Twitch: Well, dudes, I give up.

Awesome Eddie: What?

Twitch: These ho-dads are impossible to teach. [twitches] Especially the one on the end over there. [points to Squidward, whose head is wet and has seaweed on it. Big G coughs]

Awesome Eddie: What's that?

[Big G coughs again]

Awesome Eddie: Oh, no. There's no way, dude. He'd never do it.

[Big G coughs again]

SpongeBob: What's he saying?

Twitch: He reminded us that there is one dude who could possibly teach you. If you can find him.

SpongeBob: Who?

Twitch: His name [twitches] is Jack Kahuna Laguna. Or JKL, for short.

Awesome Eddie and Chip: Amen. [Big G coughs]

Twitch: We say that legend says that JKL was last seen up-river at the Kahmamoku Cove, where every wave is perfect.

Patrick: Will there be nachos there? [Squidward looks angrily at him. The scene cuts to the river that SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward are about to go into]

SpongeBob: Thanks again for letting us borrow these surfboards, Twitch.

Twitch:[twitches] No problem. And just keep following the river straight up until you hit Kahmamoku Cove. Can't miss it.

SpongeBob: How far up stream did you say it was?

Twitch: Well, we don't know cause we've never ever been there.

Awesome Eddie: We're definitely afraid of this river and wouldn't even set foot in it if you paid us.

Twitch: Yeah, interpret that any way you want.

[On the TV version, the commercials are shown here. When they end, Sandy is shown lying on a beach]

Sandy: Oh, where am I? Where is everybody? I'm stranded. SpongeBob, where are you?!!

[As a song plays, SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward paddle themselves slowly up-river. Eventually, they come across a waterfall. Patrick takes a picture of it and SpongeBob stares at it, admiringly. Squidward sits, bored. Then, they go down a waterfall. They scream and land. At the bottom SpongeBob and Patrick laugh while Squidward sits, bored]

♪I'll make a beeline for the treeline. Getting back to nature always does me good. I'll make a beeline for the treeline, I just can't wait to get back in the woods. And if I need to close my eyes and dream, Of some quite mountain or stream, That's when I make the beeline for the treeline.♪

SpongeBob: Could you pull over here? I gotta tie my shoe.

Squidward: Again?!

SpongeBob:[walks through a bush and comes across a sign that says, Welcome to Kahmamoku Cove, Home of J.K.L., ESO] Welcome to Kahmamoku Cove! JKL! Guys! Guys!! I found the Cove!! [giggles]

Squidward: I bet this guy won't even be here. If he's anything like that last group of dirty drop-outs.

SpongeBob: Oh, don't worry, Squidward. He'll be here.

Squidward: You've never even seen him!

SpongeBob: You've got to stop judging people by the way they look. [close-up on his face. He is very ugly]

Squidward:[grossed out] You're right.

Patrick:[pointing to a hut] Look!

[a surfboard begins to emerge from the hut]

SpongeBob: It's him!

Squidward:[sighs. The surfboard continues to come out. It is revealed to be huge] Oh, my j- [faints. A man emerges from the hut]

SpongeBob: It's JKL! Hail O great swami of the Gnarly Pounders! We seek audience with thee.

Patrick: Plus, we wanna talk to you.

SpongeBob: Will you teach us how to surf, O great one, so we may get back home? [JKL says nothing]

Patrick: Uh...

Squidward: Look, surf-boy, are you gonna teach us how to surf, or are we just gonna stand here and stare at you all day?

Patrick: I kinda like staring at him.

[Jack Kahuna Laguna jumps into the water with his surfboard. SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward stare at him. Dolphins jump near the back of JKL's surfboard. SpongeBob and Patrick start to tear up]

SpongeBob: I've never seen anything more beautiful. Have you, Patrick?

Patrick: Not since I saw my first triple-layer cheese cake.

JKL: That... was your first lesson. [returns to his hut]

Squidward: What? You call that a lesson? We just stood here and watched you surf for two and a half hours!

JKL:[magically returnes to the water. we then she him playing his drums] Just keep breathing.

[The scene cuts to Mr. Krabs sitting on half a surfboard in the middle of the ocean. He has put a piece of seaweed on the top of his cash register. He has also grown a gray beard]

Mr. Krabs: Locust. Culinary! Oh. [pulls a shell out of the water] Look, Cashy! [breaks the shell in half and connects them to the sides of the seaweed] Earrings! Well, Cashy, I guess the Devil's Galley isn't so bad. As long as that Flying Dutchman doesn’t appear and stick us in Davy Jones' Locker! But that won't happen, will it Cashy? [Cashy's drawer shoots out and hits the Flying Dutchman in the head]

Flying Dutchman: Ow!

Mr. Krabs: Arrrgh! It's the Flying Dutchman!

Dutchman:[drops his groceries] Aaahhh! It's some guy I've never seen before! Argh! Who be disturbing the Flying Dutchman's walk home from the communion store? You even spilled me milk!

SpongeBob: He said we just have to stare into this fire all night, and the secrets will be revealed.

Squidward: We're gonna be stuck here forever!!

[The scene cuts to Sandy's island]

Sandy: Well, Sandy, using only your bare hands and the resources found on this deserted island, you have not only survived, but thrived. You've built a five star hotel, a steam-powered generator, a car that runs on coconut milk, and even a espresso bar. I almost don't wanna leave. But I miss Bikini Bottom. Now I can find SpongeBob and the gang and fly us right back. [climbs into and activates her helicopter] Acorn 1 to Tower. Request clearance.

JKL: It's probably the only wave big enough for you to ride all the way back to Bikini Bottom. And you'll have to catch it, or you'll be stuck here... forever. [Huge lightning bolts flash] The Big One is almost upon us.

[The scene cuts to Mr. Krabs and the Flying Dutchman fighting over Cashy]