i'd been compiling a mental list of these for years. i thought i was alone, but randall munroe told me he'd been doing the same, and had discovered the name for them: initial-stress-derived nouns. they even have a wikipedia page. nice!

The haps: This may be OLD, but it's New To Me: my friend Johnfrom Drawn pointed me to this hilarious video, and I only hope that one day, I too will develop the skill shown in this video to answer any question with brilliant succinctness.