Help complete brushing the child’s
teeth, reaching those areas that are
particularly difficult or taking over if the
child becomes overwhelmed or cranky

This is the same care approach and adaptations
the caregiver would implement to enable a person in
the moderate/severe stages of Alzheimer’s/dementia
brush their teeth successfully. In summary, while
acknowledging and honoring differences between
adults/elders and children, we can apply many child
care strategies to Alzheimer’s/dementia care.

3. Accept what is, celebrate the moments,
and know that you are making a difference

Often, caregivers struggle to find the value and
meaning of their interactions, care, and
relationship. I believe this is so often the case
because caregivers focus too much on what has been
lost to the disease instead of what remains. In
other words, if the person with Alzheimer’s/dementia
is not able to communicate “normally,” can’t
remember what happened an hour ago, or can’t engage
in activity as they once could, then the caregivers
struggle to find the purpose and value of the
interaction or activity. Again, we should take a
page out of the child care playbook. Even though an
infant or toddler has very poor memory and
communication ability, and is very dependent, we
view these children in a positive light and find the
moments with them very meaningful and important.
Even though a young child is filled with infinite
potential and an elder with dementia is in the midst
of decline, it shouldn’t diminish the immense
importance of the activity and interaction with the
elder. The situation is essentially the same, but it
is our belief and perspective that is the real
difference.

Of course, we must always remember that a family
member bears a burden of having a history with their
loved one with Alzheimer’s/dementia and is likely in
a process of grieving “the loss” and change.
Therefore, even with the help of a dementia capable
care team, it may take some time before a family
caregiver can move through the stages of grief to
acceptance. But, the professional caregiver has the
unique advantage of “lack of history” and therefore
enters the person’s life completely in the moment,
free of emotional baggage, and therefore is very
capable of creating and celebrating meaningful
moments, without harking back on what used to be.

A positive, in-the-moment perspective must envelop
every care situation. Examples:

It
is true a person with Alzheimer’s/dementia may reach
a dementia stage in which they don’t remember
visitors, but it doesn’t mean the moments spent
during the visit weren’t special and therefore
valuable to creating quality of life.

It
is true that at some point a person with
Alzheimer’s/ dementia may not be able to play a dice
game with the same skill and expertise they once
had, but it doesn’t mean they wouldn’t enjoy sitting
at a table hearing the familiar sound of the dice
rolling, or throwing the dice while others clap and
encourage. It is the social and activity experience
that matters, not winning the game.