"... I can avoid the trauma of putting them in school (and yes, they are very distressed and upset at the thought), and our family life remains as stable as I can keep it."

You seriously need counseling. FAST. YOU are harming your kids more than anything their mid-life crisis suffering freak of a father is doing. You're so busy grasping at the past you're hurting their future.

Rather than encouraging your kids to adapt to their changed lives in a POSITIVE manner, you have them "distressed and very upset" at something as adventuresone and normal as school. They wouldn't have that fear if YOU weren't giving it to them.

Yes, stability is a good thing. The way you're trying to give it to them? Smacks of a someone who is trying to control the only thing she has left to control - her kids. Check your motives. Make sure you're not taking the steps you're taking because you're embarassed that you've fallen for your husbands stupidity not once but twice, and that you're holding onto those kids for YOUR dear life because YOU'RE afraid of change.

Because your life has changed, obviously, and what you wanted is GONE.

Your post sounds like your kids are afraid to leave you alone and that you're someone who's on track to successfully raise her kids to be dysfunctional and enabling adults.