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Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Just Do You

Yesterday marked the first day of September, which comes as a great relief to me. The heat and humidity of the summertime tend to feel oppressive by August, and saying goodbye to that final, full month of the hot season is rather pleasant (though in reality the changes in overall weather from August to September are so subtle they're almost non-existent, so my relief is more psychological than anything!).

This morning, instead of a daily draw, I decided to pull a card asking, "What strengths should I develop during the month of September?" In the end one card turned into three, and the message felt right for this point in my life:

3 of Cups reversed - Lovers - Explorer (Knight) of Earth

Gaian Tarot; J. Powell-Colbert

I tend to see myself as a confident and laid-back, open-minded person, but that doesn't mean I don't suffer from the occasional insecurities. For instance, as I develop and grow, I like to write about my experiences. It feels good to express myself, though sometimes I worry that some people won't like, or understand, or connect with my words or point of view. I want to pat myself on the shoulder, sigh, and say, "That's life, mi amor!" Really, I do know how unrealistic it is to hope that the entire planet will be receptive to my thoughts and ideas (especially considering only an atom-sized percentage of the world's population even read my posts!). But by worrying about those who might not "feel me" I'm allowing some of my capacity for joy and free-expression to seep away, and that is not the route I wish to take.

The Lovers reminds me that all I can and must do is me. Just do me. I have to be true to my reality, my experiences, and my voice (which in fact coincides with my card of the week via FB: Knight of Swords!). I read an article the other day about a married Catholic priest (he converted to Catholicism after marrying and having kids, and he was already an Episcopal priest prior to that). It was certainly an interesting read, but what stuck out to me was the way the man described the differences in expression between the two faiths. As an Episcopal priest he experienced and witnessed quite a lot of pressure on the priesthood to say what people wanted to hear rather than what the priests felt it was important to discuss, because the lay people of the church "held the purse strings." If they didn't like a priest or a priest's perspectives, they could restrict programming or simply rally together and boot the priest from the church altogether. In the Catholic church priests are appointed to parishes and have a measure of security in their position that allows them to explore concepts and ideas that feel important without the pressure of conforming to popular opinion. This was a relief for him because as a married priest, he would obviously be likely to face scrutiny and displeasure from some parishioners. Religious trappings aside, the core of the message is clear and resonates with me in certain, important ways.

The Explorer of Earth reminds me that this is my path, my journey, and the way that it manifests in the physical world will be unique to who I am. The woman on this card tends to the natural environment. She thinks she is alone, but in the background the spirit of a stag stands watching over her. Perhaps this is her guide, a sign that even when she feels alone, she is always in close company. Perhaps it's a reminder that while her offerings may seem insignificant in the broad scope of the universe, it does mean something to someone, somewhere; above all, it means something to her. Her way may be slow, but her work is measured and steady; she is making an impact, even if in small and quiet ways.

So my September message is: get over it, Olivia, and just. do. you. Stop worrying, and start enjoying. Be an otter in the river, love yourself as you are, and keep plodding along.

4 comments:

"Just do me. I have to be true to my reality"Thank you so much for this post. It really hit home for me. Just yesterday I was thinking that my readers might find my posts about this part of my journey a bit whiny. But then I posted it anyway because this is who I am today and that is enough for me. :)So you go Olivia, write what you makes you happy and be proud of it

It's eye-opening to become aware of the subtleties of those inner voices that don't serve our integrated self, isn't it. And I sense they become more and more refined as we age. I come to your blog to learn about your voice, your unique interface with the world and relationship to the cards. Which is essentially the same reason I blog...to learn more about my voice and interface with the world and relationship to the cards. Your awakening is mine so please don't stop unfolding on the page :)

Thank you, Rose! I appreciate that a lot. You're right - it is quite enlightening once we are able to see those voices, recognize them, and then let them go without allowing them to influence us in negative ways. "Your awakening is mine" - that is really lovely. Thanks for taking the time to say that.