People who shut their eyes to reality simply invite their own destruction, and anyone who insists on remaining in a state of innocence long after that innocence is dead turns himself into a monster.

James Baldwin’s harsh reality still makes me shudder. He dropped the truth bomb above in “Stranger in the Village,” a chapter in his 1955 book Notes of a Native Son where he contrasted race relations in two 1951 settings: black and white in America vs. black and white in the Swiss town of Leukerbad.

The citizens of the small Alpine village–into which presumably few, in any, black men had previously wandered–reacted to the lone black in their midst (Baldwin) with an innocent curiosity, as though he was a “living wonder.” As a gay black ex-pat who has spent the past 11 and a half years living on five continents where blacks are either a scarce minority (South America, Australia, Asia, and Europe) or an unprivileged majority (Africa), I now relate to Baldwin’s “living wonder” status in Leukerbad more intimately than I did when I first read Notes in college.

Just a few sentences earlier, Baldwin wrote: American white men still nourish the illusion that there is some means of recovering the European innocence, of returning to a state in which black men do not exist.

What a difference 60-plus years make–yet don’t make. The United States, despite electing its first black President twice this century, has been regressing on race. In some ways, it might as well be 1951 all over again. Europeans, on the other hand, have evolved, but not entirely for the better. The European innocence Baldwin wrote about is now ancient history, though some gay Europeans insist on trying to reclaim it.

I’ve been traveling around Europe for the past five months (through Germany, Czech Republic, Hungary, Croatia, Slovenia, Italy, France, Slovakia, and Serbia), and, in general, my race has been less an issue here than it’s been on any other continent I’ve called home.

Yes, people stare, but not hard and unrelentingly enough to make me uncomfortable under their gaze. And I can’t recall a European ever begging me to pose for a selfie as if I were an exotic zoo animal. In fact, the only place in Europe where I’ve sensed any hyper-awareness of my race has been in the gay community.

Reclamations of innocence are practically on repeat with some gay European men, but there’s nothing innocent about their curiosity. Supposedly enlightened gays express shock when I describe the blatant racism and racial objectification I regularly encounter online and off. (”Nigger,” alas, is as entrenched in local vernaculars as “fun” for “sex.”)

They apologize for the perpetrators and plead innocence on their behalf. Not racist by reason of ignorance, they whitesplain, particularly in Eastern Europe. “This is how racism works,” one person had the gall to begin a pontificating soliloquy that ended with this justification: Some European men are simply not accustomed to seeing black men and don’t know how to react.

Um, sorry, boys, I’m not buying that.

Black is just not the mystery here that it was in 1951 Leukerbad. Television, movies, and social media all have seen to that. Even if someone in the boondocks of Slovakia has never laid eyes on a real live black person, they must know we exist. If they have any level of consciousness, they’re aware that racism, discrimination, and history have segregated black and white for centuries in some parts of the world.

The protestations of innocence have been loudest in Belgrade, Serbia (where I’m currently parked). “What do you think of Serbian guys?” nearly every gay man wants to know. “They’re sexy, but some of them are a little racist” never goes over well. When I elaborate, sometimes offering screen-grabbed proof, I hear excerpts from the same old script.

“We don’t have black people. We can’t be racist.”

“The N-word doesn’t mean the same thing here.”

“We get all of our knowledge of black men from porn. That’s why everyone is obsessed with ‘big black c*ck.’”

Most guys seem more invested in managing my reaction than in understanding it. They don’t get why being referred to as “BBC” (big black c*ck) offends me, or why Grindr comments like Give me that nigga dick and We (whites) are a gift to you might bring out the worst me. One guy in Ljubljana, Slovenia, called me a bitchy negro for not being sufficiently grateful for his attention.

Of course, they’ve never had to walk in my shoes, the ones that have left my feet bruised and blistered. What do they know?

Porn and the black myth

They know porn, and it appears to be the source of everything so many of them care to know about black men.

“But don’t all porn actors have big c*cks?”

I posed that rhetorical question to Nikola, a 22-year-old from Bosnia who is studying quantum physics in Belgrade, after he became the latest Balkan/Slavic gay to blame the objectifying “BBC” myth squarely on porn.

Him: “Guys here have seen enough white ones in real life to know they come in all sizes. But if you haven’t seen any black ones, you believe what porn tells you.”

Me: “But if there is variety among white penises, why wouldn’t there be variety among black ones, too? Why do so many white people give only white people the benefit of variety?

“Do gay Serbian men believe what they see on the cover of magazines? Do they think those airbrushed and Photoshopped beauties and studs represent the average person?”

Surely they’ve figured out that when it comes to humans as commodities, what we’re sold isn’t always what we get. Right?

Nikola didn’t seem thoroughly convinced, but at least he conceded that Serbians indeed can be as racist as anyone anywhere. Another young man, a Serbian in his thirties, made no concessions, shaming me for the attention I attract.

“Maybe it’s you,” he said. “Maybe you need to be a better person.”

Maybe. No, definitely. Self-improvement is a worthwhile aspiration. But no matter how better I get, I’ll never be good enough to put the N-word into anyone’s mouth. That would make me more of a living wonder than James Baldwin ever was in Leukerbad.

The innocence of those Swiss villagers in 1951 was justifiable, but try as some might, there’s no returning to the blissful, benign cluelessness that Baldwin documented all those years ago.

Does that mean I’m surrounded by monsters? Perhaps a few, but I’m not ready to completely write off gay European men who plead innocence and ignorance in defense of racism and racial objectification. I just wish they’d give my harsh black reality half the credence they give porn’s twisted black fantasy.

The former is ugly and unsexy, but we can’t fix it if they’re not even willing to face it.

@Corey because this is what he wrote about. What difference does it make if he has other things going when he chose to state his problem on having intercontinental interracial sexual relationships? Boo boo im traveling the world and I’m black and the whites I’m having sex with said some racist things.

Conservative snowflakes upset over words, oh the irony but they will be the first to say it’s not racist to say you won’t date all black men or any minority, or it was a joke stop taking everything so serious.

I appreciate this article for giving a different perspective on racism by addressing black-white relations outside of North America. The delusion that racism does not exist in Europe or Asia is justified by claims that they don’t have the history of slavery that we have in the US or that there are no black people around at which racism may be directed. This author sheds light on the fact that ignorance is not an excuse of prejudice in this century. The anecdote about the guy studying quantum physics is thoroughly disappointing, as are some of the comments on this post thus far. It’s sad to be let down by people who should know better, not just smart people, but anyone who knows right from wrong. Anyway, Mr. Helligar, please continue your exploration and keep writing about what you find for those of us who cannot or have not yet traveled.

“PREFERENCE DOES NOT SUPERSEDE IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM, YOU BEING A RACIST.” Now what does that mean? Having a preference is having an affinity or greater liking for something over something else, an example: I like butter pecan ice cream over strawberry ice cream. (this is a preference) Preference does not exclude, only shows a greater liking of something in comparison with something else. This does not mean I hate strawberry ice cream, or will not eat it, simply means if i have to chose between the two I would choose butter pecan. I still like ice cream.

Now when someone says “I don’t date someone for the color of their skin, or there are certain qualities of a person I find/don’t find attractive and list color as the example.” As much as you would like to sugarcoat this, or backtrack or “WHITESPLAIN” it away, YOU ARE A RACIST. period

Yes, the person who speaks of racism is a racist, false equivalence between not being attracted to a woman and not being attracted to someone from a different colour… you guys are really bringing out the big intelectual guns, aren’t you?

guys I don’t think I can explain it any better than I did. If u choose not to accept or absorb it, there’s not much I can do about that. I will say though after reading comments I regret using the term “whitesplai” your r guys are absolutely correct. It is not just a white issue AT ALL …my apologies

Isn’t it interesting that the excuse used to get people NOT to talk about racism, is that ANY time anybody writes an article on one particular aspect of it there are people screaming “WHAT ABOUT RACISM AGAINST WHITE PEOPLE!??”

We see the same tactic used to shut women up. The SECOND somebody like Harvey Weinstein is brought down suddenly conservative media will write articles of “Has it gone too far?” Before it’s even really started.

I’m surprised to learn that the N-word is “entrenched” in a country like Serbia. Or known about at all. Why is that? It MUST be from porn, right? That seems the only explanation, although I have no idea how porn is dubbed (if at all) in non-English-speaking countries.

“The N-word doesn’t mean the same thing here.” As weird as that remark sounds to any American, apparently it’s true… IF the only place Serbians ever hear the American English slur “N-word” is in porn. If that’s the explanation, they are getting a very warped view of how the N-word is used over here.

More playing the victim. Fine, if they are deleting it, feel free to paste all of them in a post up here.

Oh, that’s right, it’s because they AREN’T deleting your posts.

Or if they are….hmmm, on an article about racism….hmmmmmmmm, and you’re a Trump supporter, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, an Queerty has a policy against racist speech, Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I really don’t understand what the point of this article is. The author is upset because people are nice to him and find him unique? He is upset that gay guys assume he a big dick, and that’s offensive? Okay — most people assume that jews and american men are cut, while most european men are uncut. Does that make everyone a racist?

People make assumptions about other people all the time. If I meet a Chinese person, I assume they like rice and chinese food. Does that make me a racist?

Real racism is when you find prejudices where should be none. If the people in the Czech republic said that blacks are lazy, or ignorant, that would be racist. But to engage in a harmless stereotype? Then we are all guilty of racism towards just about everyone. Welcome to the club.

Which of course means that this author is also engaging in racism. He assumes that we white people all think alike and that it needs to stop.

Let’s get off this faux racism baloney and focus on real racism — where blacks or other minorities (like gays) are despised, discriminated against or denied basic rights.

Lets see now, the nbr of comments posted say thirty-three but clearly eleven of those comments have been deleted, including mine. Queerty, iIf your going to make comments disappear then make adjustments to the counter to reflect what you don’t want to hear (how mundane this article is).

Americans in general, and blacks in particular, assume that the rest of the world is obsessed with historical race relations in the US. We Europeans don’t suffer from the typical Anglo/ white guilt. On the other hand, we do have plenty of issues regarding cultural stereotypes and historical discrimination amongst ourselves. Don’t go projecting your insecurities and stereotypes on us.

My guess is these types of articles are generating a lot of hits and that can only help with ad revenues but where are the ads? Unless many of these articles about B- list singers/celebrities and Youtube.com hosts are nothing else but paid publicity stunts (which I have suspected for years). I wonder how much they are charging?

“In some ways, it might as well be 1951 all over again.”
All this statement shows is how ignorant the author is. Blacks don’t have to travel with the Negro Motorist Green Book to find a place to eat or sleep. Blacks cannot be legal forbidden to buy or rent homes in certain neighborhoods (in 1983 when I bought my home, it still had a restriction on the deed that forbid it being sold to anyone “not of the Anglo-Saxon race.” I had to go to court to have it removed.) Blacks do now serve on juries (while the case that made laws against Blacks serving were struck down in Norris v. Alabama (1935), the practice didn’t really stop until Batson v. Kentucky in 1985). The Supreme Court only agreed to hear Linda Brown’s case on school segregation in 1951 and didn’t rule until 1954. Interstate buses and trains until 1955. The Freedom Rides are a decade in the future from 1951.
You simply do not have even the tiniest inkling of how bad things were in 1951.

The same phrase struck me, too. Only someone who didn’t live through the 1950s can say something that naive. Separate fountains — water and soda — anyone? How’s about a not allowing blacks and whites to marry? To say nothing of the many other horrors, such as lynchings, of those times. …… Yeah, racism remains a huge problem. But you don’t need to pretend that nothing has changed over the past half century to make the point.

And if you think Grindr is racist NOW, just think how racist it must have been back in 1951!

Btw, James Baldwin’s cellphone in 1951 was so old-fashioned – (“how old-fashioned was it?”) – he had to dial “O” to ask the operator if she could introduce him to any racist white boys with homosexual tendencies. (Drumroll, cymbal crash.)

Kidding, but only slightly, because these Queerty articles about racism always focus so obsessively on the racism of Grindr hookups and not-even-hookups. Okay it’s racism but let’s have some perspective.

Something you might find interesting is the year that the G.I.Bill was changed to include blacks who fought and died in the very war that created it, World War II. When that bill was created it did not include the black soldier even though 1.5 million of them served.

“Btw, James Baldwin’s cellphone in 1951 was so old-fashioned – (“how old-fashioned was it?”) – he had to dial “O” to ask the operator if she could introduce him to any racist white boys with homosexual tendencies. (Drumroll, cymbal crash.)”

Down here that one was more in line with a swat in the ass from that fence in Hee Haw. lol lol

Maybe I’m comparing apples to oranges here but I was born with spina bifida and I go around in a wheelchair and to this day I can’t go anywhere without someone giving me a sideways glance or some child asking out loud “mommy what’s wrong with his legs?” Or someone who has no concept of decency who will blatantly stare at me even when I make eye contact and show them that I’m aware of their gaze. Sometimes I find it upsetting because in my mind I know I can’t be the only person in a wheelchair they have even seen in their lives but most of the time I try to ignore the stares or god forbid the extremely rude and insensitive questions I get sometimes and just chalk it up to people’s curiosity and inexperience with something. I’ve never had to experience racism but I’ve experienced something similar to it and at the end of the day I’ve never felt the need to go out and change the world when it comes to staring or rude questions about my circumstances because I understand why it is the way it is and I just deal with it. I would rather have people who were fascinated or very curious about me because of my circumstances (although some people fetishize disability and that weirds me out) than to have people flat out ignore me or disregard me because of how I am. Guess it comes down to your outlook on your circumstances

This feigns to be deeper than what it is: petty whining. Maybe avoid painting everyone with the same broad brush that you yourself find so uncomfortable. Not all black men are BBC ghetto thugs as exemplified in a lot of porn and not all white men are reducing you to a stereotype. Maybe get out and talk to men in spaces conducive to building relationships and not whine about what dickchokr23 is saying on your hookup app du jour.

Most Nordic countries are highly racist. I cannot remember if it the gentle man,or not, was from Sweden or Switzerland struck up a conversation with me asking bluntly using the N word over and over again. Needless to say I was shocked. Telling me his country did not like blacks and the reason they did not have an Olympic Basketball team is because they did not want to have blacks in there country. He, mind you was speaking in mixed company, loudly using the N word. I told him he might want to be more respectful or he would get his ass kicked, cut or killed talking that way here in the states, especially in the presence of black people. I kept thinking about my two best female friends who happen to be black. I let him know he needed to watch what he said, that I was offended seeing as my two best female friends were black. I told him that he needed to get out of my sight because I was holding back from punching him in the for his lack of respect and intelligence.
We need to learn to judge people not by their actions. There are good, bad and ugly in all races.

Black men are always threatening violence as a solution to a problem. “Get your ass kicked, cut or killed”, and “I was holding back from punching him”. That kind of talk defines how black men exist in America.

So, do I want an intrinsically threatening or violent neighbor, employee, friend? Hell no. Yet black men are gonna scream about how white people don’t like them bc of their black skin. No, bro, it’s your behavior, it’s your culture, it’s your tone of voice. You stay over there, we’ll stay over here. You live in your shitty ghetto and we’ll build a wall. Get it?

I can’t speak for European white gay men, but American gays seem much more defensive of their bigoted ways. They find ways to justify them with ease. As a Black Gay Atheist American, I’m a bit of an oddity to most people (gay or straight). I’m content with being a geeky loner who gets more excited by distant galaxies or an Elon Musk SpaceX launch. No time nor patience for narcissistic bigoted gays and their heterosexual counterparts. I love me and that’s all that matters.

Black Pegasus —
I don’t have much experience with Europeans overall, but I have worked and lived in Russia, and can speak Russian almost sort of nearly as well as Inspector Clouseau speaks English.

So, my general observation is that some Russians are dimwitted bigots (and PROUD of their malicious ignorance); other Russians are very progressive and PC; but the majority of Russians are somewhere in between. They occasionally say things that sound bigoted, but they are sincerely embarrassed to be called out for bigotry.

And usually, the way to deal with them is not to shout “RACIST BIGOT!!” but rather to say, gently, “How uncouth! It is frightfully indecorous. Polite people do not use such language in the better-quality households of London.” That sort of thing.

Of course, since I’m not a Russian myself, I’ve learned that the ideal approach is make my point to well-educated Russians, and then let THEM decide which of their countrymen are truly rotten bigots in need of a harsh smackdown.

Because the trashy class of Russians are definitely not going to listen to a homosexual from Pindostan (“Gringoland,” aka the USA), but maybe they will listen to a fellow Russian who knows when and how to PULL RANK in a terrifying way — half Dame Maggie Smith, half R. Lee Ermey.

RACISM is the foundation of America. Despite this glaring fact subterfuge about racism is rampant.
“The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he doesn’t exist”. America has successfully duplicated that trick regarding racism.

I guess race baiting brings in the clicks which is why Queerty keeps doing it. I am convinced some people, like the author, will never be happy which is sad. If you want to know how likely you are to end up in a happy relationship take this quiz https://packedman.com/quiz/gay-relationships-survey/ . But seriously I feel sorry for race baitors…

Spike Lee once said something like “If you are born in America, you are automatically born a racist.” Its true. Even people who claim they are not racist can in no way pretend they don’t recognize the other persons race and it registers with them in some way. People are full of it. We are all racists to some degree.

@ol’ Ummmmmm……………………………you know, between me and you I’m willing to bet the person behind this article is white and it was posted to gather clicks. That pic posted with this article could have easily been lifted off the internet. All one would have to do is google a hot black model type and up pops this guys pic, it gets copied and then posted with the article leading people to believe…….well, you guys can figure this out I’m sure. More and more I am beginning to feel like a total fool for even bothering coming on this site anyway because what is really is is becoming more and more obvious. A damn joke. A cruel joke at that. We are being taken for suckers and as long as we click and comment (each click and comment counts as two clicks on the site, keep in mind) we only throw more fuel on the fire.

I absolutely love when American people judge the rest of the world without any basic knowledge. Most of this “article” is total ridiculous. As an Europen man I find it super offending. The “author” have the audacity to though as all in one bascet with a tag: poor.unknowledgeable.dudes.for.easten.europe.who.have.never.seen.black.dick.

Lol exactly, it’s really funny when Americans try to judge the rest of the world by their own history of race/ cultural relations, while at the same time being completely clueless about the unique relations in Europe between east/ west, discrimination against against Roma (not entirely unjustified) second class status of Slavic migrants in non Slavic nations, etc., etc. Great way to reinforce the typical boorish know-it-all American stereotype. Re: Serbia, the author probably has zero clue as to why it’s people, fought vicious war against their neighbors (who he probably are exactly the same because to him they all look alike) very recently. Keep your racial hangups, guilt, etc. at home in the USA where they belong.

Or, and bear with me on this, guy doesn’t like to be objectified with a racist tropes that are the product of cultural indoctrination decides to write a clearly titled article about the issue that you had the choice to not read…

“I’ve been traveling around Europe for the past five months (through Germany, Czech Republic, Hungary, Croatia, Slovenia, Italy, France, Slovakia, and Serbia), and, in general, my race has been less an issue here than it’s been on any other continent I’ve called home. “

Oh, where were you staying, Jeremy, let me guess, five-star hotels?

Go try being the black guy who has to live and work an ordinary job in Poland, the Czech Republic, Austria, Hungary, Croatia, Slovenia, Slovakia and Serbia too, you’ll soon learn what living with truly visceral racism is like.

I am getting really tired af all the people arguing that everyone who refuses to have sex with anyone who hits on them is doing it because they are racist. I have gone to bed with most ethnicities but if someone who is not of my ethnicity is turned down by me it is because they don’ turn me on either metally or physicaly.

I am attracted first to personality attributes and secondly to physical looks or beauty. I have had partners that most gay men would consider plain or ugly but who I felt had a great personality that outweighed any deficiencies in looks/age/weight/etc.

To be totally blunt, I have and will continue to choose my partners from people who I am attracted to mentally or physically and I don’t care if those partners are black, white, latino, asain, or purpe with green polka=dots. On the other hand, if you DO NOT turn me on for whatever reason you will get a polite refusal and if that hurts your tender feelings and you wish to consider me racist….well too bad.

I refuse to have sex with people, man/woman, white or otherwise that I am not attracted to.

Dude. That’s not the point. No one wants an unwilling dick. The point is that there is racism disguised as preferences. If you don’t fall in this category (and you don’t seem to because of all you have said), why are you upset? Why do you feel that you have to come to the defence of the people who are targeted by this article (the racists)?

No one cares who you sleep with outside your circle and the bible/Koran thumping ground (same with me, same with all of us).

I am also from one of the European countries listed above. And this article reminds me of one minor incident that happened 10 years ago when I was a 19 years old shy emo-looking kid. I was in a store when suddenly I see a really hot black guy and I am sure I wasn’t starring at him, because my parents taught me not to stare at people, but I did for sure sneak a few glances at him as I would at any good looking guy. When suddenly the guy yells something like, “yes I am black, haven’t you seen a black person before”. And to this day I still don’t know Was I being racist? or maybe he was homophobic?

Such a sad state of affairs that as the LGBTQ community has traveled a long way from the homophobia seen during AIDS crisis that so much hate and racism prevails. Have we not learned anything? Not to mention , most of these ignorant comments are exactly what the author is talking about.

This was an interesting read because I don’t generally come across articles about racism among gay men in Europe. It’s ironic, because I’m used to hearing Europe being held as a model for what America should aspire too–but clearly not in all aspects.

The author is lucky in that he has the means to travel the world, but he certainly has to put up with a lot of nonsense that many of us don’t.

One guy in Ljubljana, Slovenia, called me a bitchy negro for not being sufficiently grateful for his attention.

Possibly the guy was only copying the “camp ironic bitchiness” that a lot of American gay men take such unholy pride in. On the other hand….

The innocence of those Swiss villagers in 1951 was justifiable, but try as some might, there’s no returning to the blissful, benign cluelessness that Baldwin documented all those years ago.

Exactly right. There is no need to hold 2018 Slovenians to lowered standards. You can make an exception for the 75-year-old Slovenian woman who speaks of “colored Negroes,” but not for young Slovenian guys who are trying to be super-hipsters in English.

The strange phrase of “bitchy negro” is not something White gay men would say in the US. It would be seen as highly offensive. I would not count it as American gay camp vernacular. I think it may be just a Slovenia gay thing. I’m not sure. I’ve never been there.

Or, and bear with me on this, guy doesn’t like to be objectified with racist tropes that are the product of cultural indoctrination

Welp, it’s time for breakfast. I think I’ll pour myself a big bowl of delicious, wholesome Nïggå Please® cereal, as featured on The Chris Rock Show. Whoops — outta milk, but then again, just because I’m white doesn’t mean I don’t keep a cold bottle of malt liquor in the fridge at all times, for those no-milk-for-my-cereal emergencies!

Mmmm-mmmm, nothing like munchy-crunchy Nïggå Please® cereal to start the morning. Now, what were you saying about culturally indoctrinated racist tropes and how they objectify people? ‘Cause I don’t get what the actual problem is.

Let me put it this way. If I were to point a stick at you and say Avada Kedavra, would you obligingly shrivel up and die? Of course not, because you know PERFECTLY well that the Avada Kedavra curse only works in the make-believe world of Harry Potter. So why is it, then, that seemingly intelligent adults make a huge drama about being called the word that rhymes with “bigger”? Or, for that matter, the word that rhymes with “maggot,” or the phrase that rhymes with “cupid stunt”?

I can understand why it would be upsetting if the person using these words was ALSO threatening to punch you, or was chasing you with an axe or a gun. But unless you have the fragile mentality of a 14-year-old, I don’t see how the words alone are harming you in any way. Certainly they are no more harmful to an individual than being called “pimple-face” or whatever. The words are RUDE, obviously, but rudeness doesn’t necessarily add up to systemic oppression.

The phrase “damn, some folks and their First-World Problems” is also going through my mind, for some reason.

Also, Jeremy, if you’re planning to hang around in Belgrade for a while — I don’t speak any Serbian, but here are a couple of basic Russian phrases with approximate English translations. And I’ll bet that if you show both the English AND the Russian to a friendly and educated Serb, he can quickly “work out by triangulation” what the Serbian equivalent is, and teach you how to say it.

For basically decent Serbs who INNOCENTLY use the forbidden English word (redacted) because they’ve heard it 150 million times in rap music written and performed by African-Americans, so they assume it’s okay:

Once you’ve gotten these two phrases rendered into Serbian, you should be prepared to deal with local gay idiots. But — and I cannot emphasize this enough — don’t rely on Google Translate. Ask a native speaker for the easiest, most efficient way to express these two basic ideas: “Shut the fuck up, stupid!” and “Only low-class people use that word in English.” And then pick the right phrase at the right time. It makes a more lasting impression if you can register your offense in THEIR language.