Just when I thought I already knew everything I needed to know about non-monogamy, I had an opportunity to speak with Dr. Eric G Schneider, NYC’s premier sex therapist for gay men. Some of the ideas that we discussed are :

-Alienation. How when we as a society create an ideal, such as monogamous marriage in this case, we effectively alienate everything else which does not fall into those narrow confines. This creates a lot of difficulty as people become more focused on maintaining an ideal, than actually keeping it real.

-Confusing Monogamy As Safety. It is second nature or intuitive in our culture to use monogamy as a source of safety. Eric reminds us that just because a couple deems themselves monogamous, does not actually make a safe environment. Rather honesty, openness, and trust create safety. And our false reliance on monogamy as an ideal actually perpetuates dishonesty and therefor perhaps creates a lack of safety.

We have a great discussion on monogamy and heterosexuality as conditioning, when in actuality there are many choices and options.