You’re So Vacant. You Probably Think this Blog is About You…

Narcissism, Grandiosity, and False Presentations.

When we think of grandiosity (as a healthy person), we may think of someone fluffing a story to make it more exciting to the listener, or the proverbial fish story of the “big one” that got away. Everyone embellishes a little at times, it’s human nature. With a Narcissist, grandiosity is an entirely different animal. It’s pathological. They present false achievements, false involvements, false associations, false connections, and pass them off as their own, sometimes going undiscovered, unsuspected for many, many years.

I know because I’ve lived it.

The covert Narcissist is truly a master craftsman at playing the victim. They are able to create triangulation through their new source once the previous one has been depleted (or their true identity has been discovered) and convince (some) they’re the victim when in reality, things couldn’t be further from the truth. They victimize.

I know because I’ve earned my degree. I know because I’m a therapist. I know because of numerous old friends, exes, relatives, and business associates who have come forward with surprising, shocking facts and secrets. I know because I’ve experienced it.

A Narcissist has no true authentic self. They hate and hide from truth, from reality. Deep down, they hate their vacant self. They hate that they feel they must take their identity from someone else, usually a close associate or friend they can falsify details of events and their involvements in them. Someone they feel has achieved a high status and enviable success. These are accomplishments and people they covet and are resentful towards for not having achieved the same level of success themselves. They will create false accomplishments online and in places where they think it can go undiscovered by the person they’ve taken the identity from. When discovered and confronted, they will deny any knowledge of it, but continue to leave it as it is, never rectifying the public lie. They know it’s there because they had it put there, they even gave speeches about these false accomplishments. Speeches that belonged to someone else. Speeches that weren’t theirs to give. They leave it there because it gives them the momentary feeling of a level of success they feel vacant of and desperately long to have for themselves.

This grandiosity is needed to create their false presentation of false achievements. Besides, they’re not going to go back and humiliate themselves by asking the people they had place the false information online years ago to now take it down. The covert Narcissist is masterfully able to hide their true identity and behavior patterns for years, even decades from those around them.

I know because I’ve lived it.

Sadly, they do not feel they are good enough as they are because deep down, (often unconsciously and even subconsciously) they see themselves as they truly are, without an authentic persona. They attach and surround themselves with accomplished persons for as long as they can and any others who will enable their false persona to continue to exist, until they are discovered and must then drastically lower the bar of their standards to keep that needed source of admiration flowing from somewhere, anywhere that doesn’t challenge them to face reality and truth. Even so much as desperately, uncharacteristically resorting to hypersexual and extremely promiscuous types that they have previously vehemently maligned, devalued and degraded. (This pattern is well documented and researched. We have discussed this common behavior in previous articles).

Each persona they create belongs to someone else and is inauthentic.

It’s much healthier and healing to bravely face and deal with what one carries around hidden deep inside of them than it is to work tirelessly to keep it hidden inside one’s dark shadow. Once it’s faced and properly treated, one has the capacity to move forward into a healthy, truthful, genuinely happy life. All the fears they hide from themselves and the world around them would be released and properly managed. What they’ve hidden from everyone for years, sometimes for decades would then be settled. The hidden dark shadow from their dark psyche. (I’ll write more on that next).

If they don’t deal with what’s there everyday existing inside their dark shadow, it’s a guarantee that one day they’ll wake up lying right next to it, wondering how in the world it got there.

So what do they so desperately not want you or anyone to see? Is it just the vacant, stolen persona and addiction they’re protecting from view, or perhaps something much, much more? Something so deeply buried in their dark psyche, they’re too ashamed and afraid to acknowledge, reveal or admit. All one can do is hope they find a way to love and accept themselves as they truly are one day, and do it in a healthy way without inflicting further damage to themselves or other unknowing victims in the future they may use to conceal their reality from being uncovered and revealed. They may also quite ironically, open themselves up to become a victim by others who see an opportunity to take advantage of them during these desperate attempts to keep reality hidden from view.

I know because I discovered it. I know because I’ve lived it.

Listen and learn. Read. Study. Even if you’re not in the field of mental health there are many great resources available. Pay close attention to your gut and to the patterns of behavior and do not ignore the pathology. Your instincts will never lead you astray. They will always tell you the truth. All you have to do is trust in it.

❤️

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Author: thelastchardonnay

www.deborahgalvin.com
Mental health sessions with families, individuals, and couples, EFT relationship specialist, clinical researcher, Supreme Court certified family mediator, adjunct professor, medical/healthcare marketer, and life coach.
Join me as I blog through key descriptions and components, shared professional and personal experiences, clinical diagnostic criteria, victimizations, and behavior patterns in persons with very high-functioning alcoholism, complex and covert personality disorders, and the subsequent emotional abuse of those close to them.
My goal and purpose is to create awareness and share knowledge, information, education, and help provide clarity to anyone who may be feeling baffled and confused, or who may not understand what it is they’re seeing or experiencing in their life. Most importantly as an abuse survivor, my hope is for those readers to know they are not alone in their journey of discovery and the process of learning and healing from the trauma of emotional and psychological abuse.
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6 thoughts on “You’re So Vacant. You Probably Think this Blog is About You…”

My Ex-husband needed to be the Biggest Victim. He sold it to his parents that he was stuck in this terrible marriage with this controlling woman (me) whilst the reality was that he would go fishing several times a week, did no childcare and very little housework (only when others would notice) and spent all his time dabbling with his hobbies. He never paid a bill during the entire marriage! He sold it to me that he was unable to stand up to his terrible parents who demanded his time….so he managed to never take a shred of responsibility for anything at all! It came apart when his parents moved close to us and we could all begin to see the reality. After we split, he wrote our children out of his Will to maintain the fiction that they were neglecting him, even though they had tried repeatedly to contact him. He died in 2015 after refusing to take responsibility for his own health.

I’m sorry you had to go through this. It does make you grow and learn once you connect the patterns of behavior. They can indeed hide it well for many years, even decades. His behavior is text book as you have described. It always unravels eventually. They are unable to hide it indefinitely. All that is buried and hidden will rise to the surface in time. It’s unavoidable. Unfortunately that fate is not uncommon. I’ve had several clients who unfortunately experienced the same tragic ending. That had to be very difficult for you and your family. If only they’d get some help. Thank you for sharing your experience. ❤️

It does take some time to process it once you realize and begin to understand what you’ve been through. I’m glad to hear you’re well on your way.
Thank you for your feedback and I’m glad you’re benefitting from it. That’s why I created it. Many blessings to you.

“Your instincts will never lead you astray. They will always tell you the truth. All you have to do is trust in it.” Can be eaiser very difficult to hear your own instinct when your reality is constently being questioned by a narsisisst. Thank God for family and friends who can help us get back to hearing our own inner voice. Well written and encouraging post!