In-law visiting

We have a small baby (12 weeks) and, inevitably, we've had a lot of visitors at weekends. Lovely, to be expected, and as long as I know when people are coming, so I can put the date in the diary to avoid clashes, great. I also try to pace myself a bit. Not too many overnight visitors in a row and I try to keep one day a weekend free for us as a family. I do my best to be a good host, but prefer notice (a few days, if possible) and like people visiting, but find I can get a bit overwhelmed with the sheer number of people (and I got burnt-out in the run-up to our wedding last year).

We've had my mum up this week to stay, in-laws earlier in the week, friend coming later today. I find out this morning that in-laws want to stop by again this weekend and I just feel it's not convenient. It is unusual they want to come up twice in one week and it will only be a fairly brief visit, but I feel frazzled and tired (baby is fab, but last few nights have been a bit more disturbed than usual) and simply don't want to entertain anyone else this week. I also have some work to do, which had factored into a quiet weekend. I keep saying to them, visit whenever, but tell me in advance. They would have known they would be in the area (and likely to want to visit) for many months.

They are nice people and I am fond of them, but I'm getting exasperated by getting a call on the morning/day before and for them to say they're coming up the following day. Especially as I keep telling them to let us know in advance. They know we're busy (we're booked up until end of June with family visits/other commitments).

I'm almost starting to feel like it's a weird control thing. We've said we can't do last-minute visits (odd exception would be fine), but it's almost as they're forcing us into it.

We do if we're specifically doing something else, partner doesn't feel he can if we are technically free/ could 'fit the visit in'. Which it's often hard not to, given that they 'only' drop by for an hour or so.

I could go out, couldn't I? Leave baby with DH for two hours, take work and find some peace and quiet. DH says they want to see me too, but have seen them pretty recently. I'm done with entertaining this week. Is that rude?

No it's not rude, it sounds like you need some time alone. I don't think its a control thing, they just want to see their grandchild, you can say no if you want, or you could go out for part of it, just explain you need some fresh air.

They absolutely won't babysit (other grandchildren in family). Re my parents, I'd feel absolutely the same. Great if it's planned. I'd say I just have limited capacity for hosting, apart from the fact that we actually have lots of people to visit/stay

YANBU to tell them you don't feel up to it today. But - sounds like you need to be clear with them about what 'advance' means to you - calling the day before/the same morning is calling in advance - they probably think they are doing as you asked - just have a slightly different interpretation of the word!

This one for your dh to tackle. If his parents want to come round then he is responsible for the whole thing and you shouldn't have to do anything before, during or after. If he can't do this then they can't come to visit & he should tell them this