Weather still not good enough to lure sulky teenager out of his bedroom

Despite the change in the weather, cloudless skies and temperatures in the high 20s, it is still not enough to persuade moody teenager, Damian Bloke, 15, to leave his bedroom.

His mother, Sharon Arkwright, 37, told me that they had tried to lure him out with Ice Cream, Jelly and Coke but Damian had steadfastly refused to leave the bedroom and join the family fun in the garden.

She went on to add ‘I’m at my wits end, I’ve been out to Iceland and got his favourite burgers. Our Terry has got the barbecue going and everything. We even told him he could have his friends round, but it seems they don’t want to come out of their rooms either. I don’t understand it, it’s a beautiful day, his younger brothers and sisters are out playing.’

Apparently, Damian has only left the bedroom to make himself some peanut butter sandwiches and use the bathroom. He has not spoken to anyone, simply communicating by means of grunting.

Sharon was worried he might have a summer cold, he keeps taking toilet tissue into his room and having multiple showers. Our Terry said, he didn’t think there was anything wrong with the lad, but perhaps they should get him some new socks.

They did try turning off the Wi-Fi but Damian got so distressed, they had to turn it on again.

Other parents have reported the same phenomena, teenagers sealing themselves in their rooms, only communicating with each other over the internet and refusing all attempts to entice them out into the lovely May sunshine.

Our Terry summed it up best, ‘Fuck ’em, time for another can of Stella, a bit of a sit in the shade and then we can get on with Man’s Cooking.’