X wants to be able to behave more flexibly towards Y, in order to remove the feed from the conflict which is putting such a strain on X himself and the system.

Method:

There are at least three ways in which we can view our experiences:

1. I can perceive the world exclusively from my own point of view, my own reality, my feelings, my images, and take no other point of view into account (1st position).

2. I can perceive the world from the point of view of someone else, how it looks, sounds and feels from there. It is essential to recognise the perception from this different position, and thus the other person (2nd position, empathy).

3. I can view the world from an external point of view, as though I were a completely independent observer with no personal involvement in the situation (3rd position, meta-position).

Process: Self-coaching

– A identifies the person with whom he/she has a conflict

I-position:

A sits on one chair; the other chair remains empty.
A imagines the other person sitting on the chair and describes their behaviour accordingly
"I see…"
"I hear…"
"I feel…"

You-position:

A swap chairs and is now in the 2nd position. He makes associations and describes how he/she perceives A, i.e. himself, in the 1st position:
"I see…"
"I hear…"
"I feel…"

Describes and explains his/her positive intent:
"My intention is…"

Meta-position:

A switches to the 3rd position and has observed the communication of A in the 1st and 2nd positions from there;
– describes – using this knowledge – the communicative behaviour of A in the 1st position
– gives A in the 1st position tips on communicating with A in the 2nd position

Eco check:

– What would happen if A followed the tips?
– Does the change fit into the system?

Future pace (behaviour in the future):

A goes back to the 1st position and plays out putting the tips into practice:
– How does A want to behave in future
– When does he want to start