3 Ways To Take Control of Your Emotions

Which comes first – thoughts or feelings? Does the heart or the mind dominate our ability to live well?

Medical and psychological research continually investigates the link between the head and heart, now utilizing detailed scans that give windows into brain operations and how information travels throughout the body. Both thoughts and feelings are keys to physical and mental health.

In Hebrews 10:16, the writer reminds us of the original plan by God for His people, “This is the covenant I will make with them after that time, says the Lord. I will put my laws in their hearts, and I will write them on their minds.” Our Creator God knows both heart and mind need to be engaged for a full commitment, a deeper understanding.

Can’t Stop This Feeling…

Bob Newhart has a silly video about a counseling method that takes less than five minutes. He doesn’t want to hear about the past trauma or fantasies or nightmares associated with the problem. When the client is finished describing the complaint, her anxious thoughts and painful feelings, Newhart says he will supply two words that will cure the client. She takes out her pad and pencil with anticipation.

Then he shouts at the client, “Stop it!”

The directive to just stop thinking or feeling is too simplistic for many issues and will not lead to healing and freedom without additional support. I discuss with my counseling and coaching clients the role of feelings and thoughts in the context of suffering and change. Together we look for the strategy to help clients stop the unhelpful patterns and habits. I wish shouting at them aggressively would magically work.

Here are 3 ways we can take control of our emotions:

1. Red Light – Green Light

How should we handle emotions? I like to use a traffic light analogy with my clients, thinking of their emotional responses as signals:

If you feel angry or upset, that is like a red light, telling you something needs to change or stop. You cannot continue this way without dangerous consequences.

If you are confused, mildly irritated, discouraged, or suspicious, that is a yellow warning signalto slow down and look at the situation carefully.

If you sense peace, delight, or joy, the light is green and you can proceed.

We must pay attention to these signals, but not make hasty decisions based on the emotional responses alone. Take time to reflect and analyze the details surrounding these emotional reactions, composing a clear-headed solution. We need to engage both the emotional information and the data our minds have collected over the years to help us make sense of our world and personal events.

2. Scripture Therapy Manual

Two particular verses in the Bible are excellent counseling instructions that can alter a person’s negative perspective which ultimately brings positive changes in his/her life. The determination to harness thinking can bring emotions into proper alignment and allow our behaviors to produce good results.

Philippians 4:8 says, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–thinkabout such things.”

2 Corinthians 10:5 says, “We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thoughtcaptive to obey Christ.”

The Apostle Paul is teaching in these verses how the full concentration of our mind on the truth found in God’s Word and the life of Christ, forms the healthy foundation for living. We can’t deny our feelings, they often bubble up to the surface uninvited and unannounced. Feelings change due to circumstance, hormones, weather, natural events, physical ailments, and people’s behaviors around us. How we respond to these emotional signals should be based on something more concrete, less fluid, a sure foundation.

3. Just Fake It

Can we try to fake it till we make it with our emotions? Should we just pretend to be happy or content or relaxed until this becomes reality?

This phrase more generally applies to acting confident while learning to be the skilled worker boasted about on a resume. Trying to feign a genuine emotion long term would be an exhausting endeavor, although the impersonation might produce reliable information. Perhaps the charade might enhance a person’s belief that such a feeling was actually possible.

For lasting change, I am more inclined to probe for the underlying self-talk, labels rooted into a client’s belief system. I agree with many of the self-help books written by trusted Christian mental health professionals and teachers that we need to assess our personal truths, what we have come to believe about ourselves, and compare them to God’s truth, what He says about us in His Word. When there is misalignment between the two sets of truth, we need to cast ours down in favor of God’s since He is the One who made us, knows us best, and planned our destiny for His glory and our good.

God Will Show Us the Way

When we get a proper understanding in our minds about who we are in God’s family, how much He loves us, and how He wired our emotions and personality, we can move toward controlling our feelings.

We can read our emotional traffic signals and think about what we should do. Eventually, we can tell ourselves, “Stop it!” when we are not responding correctly or in a healthy manner. This will not be a five minute cure and we will need guidance from a trusted counselor or able friend, but we can do it, with God’s help.

NEWS

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Gail and I worked together at St. Joseph Christian School, where she was a teacher and guidance counselor, and I was an administrator. Gail was mission-driven and passionate, and a highly effective educator. In 2005, Gail left our school to launch another school—the International School of Kabul, Afghanistan, where she served successfully as K-12 principal for 6.5 years. She’s a gifted teacher and administrator that gets the job done. I miss working with her!

Lydia – Mississippi

Gail is an excellent communicator, very clear with her message and at ease with an audience as well as individuals. She has great ideas and looks for ways to accomplish goals. I have always enjoyed her perspective and appreciate her willingness to respond to God's calling.

Sandy – Missouri

Gail is an excellent speaker and presenter. She communicates in the style most comfortable for the particular audience she is addressing at the time. Her clear message sprinkled with personal experiences is engaging and thought provoking. I am always thrilled to be able to attend a presentation by her!

Mary – Missouri

The concept of life coaching was new to me, but after talking with a trusted friend about her experience, I felt like it may be something that would be beneficial for me to pursue for professional leadership development. Gail provided me with a safe place to discuss challenges, create plans, develop strategies and increase my awareness. Read More

Nichole – Missouri

Living well is an act of faith taken one step at a time. Gail discovered that truth as a pastor's wife, mother, educator and counselor. As a life coach, she is unsurpassed in helping others discover the next right step in their lives. She helped me discover the next right step for my life.

Deborah – Missouri

Gail's coaching helped me to hone my direction and goals my senior year of college, a fairly tumultuous time in my life. Gail's insight and the accountability she provided helped me to accomplish more than I thought possible.

Celeste – Seattle

Gail’s my go-to friend when I have a problem and don’t know what to do. She’s a master at cutting through the chase—at getting to the heart of a matter. She skillfully (even cleverly!) get you to admit the truth to yourself, and then guides you into taking positive steps to move forward.

Lydia – Mississippi

Gail coached my two daughters through their junior/senior years of college. They wanted to successfully finish college and move into the next phase of life with minimal transitions. Having Gail coach them to be successful with their goals was paramount to their desire to not have "senioritis". They are both pleased with the path they are on and the accomplishment they feel.

Elizabeth – Kansas

Gail's unique life experiences combined with her professional expertise provide an extraordinary foundation for life coaching. Personally, Gail has encouraged me to grow from tragedy and disappointment. By modeling hope and perseverance, Gail gives others the courage to change and become stronger in the process.

Judy – Missouri

Gail has been my life-coach. She has asked pointed (relevant) questions that made me think and process things in new ways. Gail’s professionalism (as a life-coach) and supportive interest in me have helped me greatly. With Gail’s help it was easier to walk in the darkness (and wait for brighter days). Gail has spoken the truth with love into my life. Read More