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Friday, October 23, 2015

Keep Calm and Pack Your Bags!

Some women swear by abuse as a necessity in marriage. They often describe it as an expression of love from their husbands. To them, it is a classic case of spoiling the rod and sparing the child, with them assuming the status of the child of course, while their husbands take the position of a parent. In other words, when they step out of line, they happily receive their due punishment in the form of slaps, punches, kicks, and whatever else their ‘parent’ husband believes will help them understand their actions were undesirable and should never be repeated. If you are one of such women, reading this post, now may be the time to start seeing a life coach.

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There is a dogma amongst some women that if they were disciplined by their parents as children, there is nothing wrong with being disciplined by their husbands. Afterall, parents correct with love, why can’t husbands do the same? This is the reason many women fall into the cycle of abuse and never make it out alive. Some of those who make it out alive are scarred for life, physically, emotionally and psychologically. Some women never leave. They stay and endure it all as they believe women should. They endure the battering, the condescending talks and the constant feeling of walking on eggshells. Such women age, and become gracious recipients of ‘retirement from abuse’ simply because their husbands become too tired to raise their hands at them. Again, if you’re one of these women, it is time to see a life coach. Send me an email!

I have often wondered why abuse is able to hide in plain sight. Why do women feel the need to cover up for their abuser? Why do women stay even when they know they shouldn’t? Why do they stay even when they know they are at death’s door? The answer has been constant – they stay for the children.

Please read this: if you are being battered physically by your spouse, pack your bags and leave!!! Read that again, let it sink in. Pack up every little thing you think you’ll need (not necessarily what you own), take your children, and leave! You cannot and should not use your children as an excuse to submit yourself to constant battery. Your abuse is not yours alone; it affects your children too! Your sons will learn to beat women when they are displeased or upset over little things; they will learn that it is ‘OK’ to hit a women after a bad day at work, or if she dares to express herself. Your daughters will learn that it’s OK to be ‘disciplined’ by their husbands. They will grow up believing all men are bullies; they will grow to accept the kind of love that breaks, devours and destroys. Staying for their sake will do more damage to who they become in future. LEAVE FOR THEIR SAKES! You don’t have to be ceremonious about it; you don’t even have to announce it. All you need to do is find a safe time window, pack all your necessities, and leave without leaving a forwarding address of any kind.

Marriage is not where you learn discipline, and no man, no matter what he has or what he is made of, has the right to lay his hands on you. It is completely unacceptable! He’s your husband, not your father. His role in your life is different! There is no love in being hit, and certainly, there is no love in the fact that he apologizes afterwards! That’s like stealing from a person’s bank account and apologizing everytime you make a big withdrawal. Will the apology make it OK? Why then do women think an apology makes abuse OK? Abuse will never be OK. It is better to be a single mother, alive and well for your children’s sakes, than to be dead for their sake while another woman brings them up in your place. Be wise and make the right choice. Keep calm and pack your bags. Leaving an abusive marriage will be the best decision you’ll ever make. XOXO