Saturday, 19 July 2008

THIS WEEK IN STUPID

Danilo Giuffrida, a 27 year old Italian man, has sold his right to handicapped parking for $160,000.

Giuffrida was declared disabled by Motor Vehicles officials in Catania, Italy, after military officials sent his paperwork over declaring he was a homosexual.

Apparently in Italy homosexuality is considered a disability.

Once motor vehicles was informed, he was told he must retake his test every year instead of every 10 years as usual.

Danilo sued for discrimination and won.

The Italian government was ordered to pay Giuffrida $160,000 in compensation. His lawyer stated "Evidently, they thought that his sexual preferences were a mental disorder." Giuffrida plans to use some of the money to buy a new car.

Giuffrida is an idiot. $160,000 is nothing compared to a lifetime of disabled parking spots. Schmuck.

FULL FRONTAL WILL GET YOU SHOT

The creator of a calendar that featured shirtless Mormon missionaries was excommunicated Sunday after a disciplinary meeting with local church leaders in Las Vegas.

Chad Hardy said he bears no ill will toward the council of elders from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

The calendar is about as vanilla as vanilla can be but showing Mormon missionaries shirtless without their magic underwear is enough to get you booted out of this cult.

"I felt like I spoke my truth," the 31-year-old entertainment entrepreneur said. "Bottom-line, they still felt the calendar is inappropriate and not the image that the church wants to have."

"Men on a Mission," which has sold nearly 10,000 copies at $14.99 each, included pictures of 12 returned missionaries wearing black slacks, but not their trademark white shirts, in modest poses. The men also were photographed in traditional missionary garb and share their religious beliefs in biographical sketches.

Some of the 12 models have also been called to disciplinary meetings, but none were punished.

"I have no ill feelings toward any of those people," Hardy said of the church council. "They did what they believed was right and I really do feel it was the best decision for both of us."

Hardy said the purpose of the 2008 calendar was not to tear down the church or its 13 million members.

"The project is about stepping outside the stereotypes and stepping outside of the image," Hardy said. "Not everybody fits the image and I let them know we're not trying to portray an image for the entire church."

Assuming God also created intelligence, she must be bewildered by how so many have squandered that particular gift.

AL REYNOLDS: I'M CLEAN, NOT QUEER

Finally, Star Jones' former husband, Al Reynolds launched a media campaign this past week to announce that he's not a homosexual. Really, he doing the talk shows on this, a man who has two claims to fame: he married a deformed moron and is not a homosexual.

Reynolds is telling TV and radio audiences that, despite the fact that calling him a homosexual is hurtful, he does, however, understand why folks would think he is gay.

First of all, he explains that as a light-skinned African American he is very pretty, a pretty boy in fact which confused people who think African Americans are dark-skinned and not pretty. Furthermore, he's passionate about good grooming and wearing freshly laundered and well pressed color coordinated outfits.

That banging sound you hear in the distance is me hitting my very hard head on a wall, over and over and over again.