Most of his fondest memories included snow, and usually falling snow. Whether it’s falling gently like it had been all morning, or coming down in a raging storm like earlier, his fascination with snow was always the same. When he thought about it, he was pretty sure that it’s the silence of snow…, partly, and that silence brings a sense of secrecy with it that had always intrigued him. You can hear wind, you can even hear rain and sleet, and you can certainly hear hail. But you can’t hear sunshine, nor do you hear the clouds in a sunny sky. And you can’t hear snow either. It’s as if all the good things come like a whispered secret, you could go to bed when it wasn’t snowing, and it could snow overnight…, but if you weren’t up to see it, you wouldn’t have a clue that it was snowing, not an audible clue anyhow.

While he sat there, his tears having slowed down to trickle, he saw that the sun was finally out, though out wasn’t quite the right term that day. The sun, as it was, was out in an oblique kind of way…, as if it wasn’t all that sure of itself yet. The temperature hadn’t changed much either, it was still freezing, but at least now he could see right down to the small lake. The sight of water in winter never ceased to amaze him, he especially liked it when it was just about freezing, not quite ice but not quite water anymore either. There was just something really special about it when you looked closely, and he liked when the water looked black like it was that afternoon, almost solid and with the rocks surrounding it caped in snow, it was a beautiful sight. Picturesque just doesn’t quite cover what he was seeing.

So intent on the scene was he, that he didn’t hear them approach, so wrapped up in his own musings, the first warning he had that he wasn’t alone was the swift sharp pain that comes from the sole of a boot to the back. Any attack like that is a shock, but foremost because it gives the victim no time at all to prepare for it. He was embarrassed, and more than a little angry at the state that he ended up in, hunched over, face planted squarely in the snow. He managed to lever himself up onto all fours, and in doing, spat out the snow that he’d inadvertently eaten, when another kick came to his side making him fall to the ground once more. Rolling over to face his attackers, he winced a little, from the new pain he felt, as the many affected muscles contorted. Heat from the anger he had instantly felt retreated rapidly like a swift tide, and fear rushed in to replace it, when he saw who his attackers were.

Over the last few months, Dale had spent considerable time with Carl, teaching him the rudimentary basics of the several martial arts styles, with which he was proficient. If Dale had been there at the time, the fear that Carl now felt while looking up into the very angry faces of his two eldest brothers, may not have been as much, or as apparent on his own face. If Dale had been there, what he had taught to Carl, may well have been foremost on his mind, but he wasn’t and Carl’s first instinct was to wrap himself into the tight little ball that had almost always protected him in these situations in the past. He knew he was going to be hurt, knew it as fact, but as he looked closer at the faces of his brothers, he started to wonder if he would make it out at all.

Although temporarily confused when they backed off a little, from previous experience he knew they just wanted him to stand up, Carl was under no illusions that it was over by any means. He did stand, and was about to make a run for it, but Carl learned a few things about fighting in the next four or five seconds. Tony his oldest brother at seventeen, had always had a very expressive face and a wicked temper, just like their father. That was Carl’s first clue that things were about to go very badly for him. Tony’s eyes went wide, before narrowing into evil beady little slits, then went wide again. His mouth contorted a few ways, almost like he was chewing on something nasty. It all ended up in an angry glare, his eyes squinting, his mouth in a set of pure menace.

Just as Carl was about to make good his escape, Tony grabbed the front of his jacket, pulling Carl’s face right to his, he glared at his now vulnerable and very scared little brother for the briefest of moments, before pushing him back just enough to get a good swing in. He raised his free arm and hit Carl square in the nose, instantly Carl was dazed as he felt more than heard the dull smack. Through the shock that was starting to creep in, the tears and the blood that had started to pool at his upper lip, Carl looked his brother in the face…, at pure hatred. In a moment of sheer panic, he could see his fate in those awful eyes, eyes that were so like his own.

Then just as suddenly he was flying backwards, his brother showing his considerable strength in throwing his brother so far. Carl wound up landing flat on his back against the hill he had slid down earlier. Just as quickly, Tony was right there, and looming over him he pointed a sharp finger in his face as if he was going to say something. Carl was scared to death, but he spoke first.

“Why are you doing this…?” Carl screamed, through his pain.

“Coz we should have done this a long time ago…, coz you’re a dirty cocksucking faggot and if daddy won’t get rid of you…, then we will!”

“But…, I’m your brother!”

“You listen to me, faggot…, you stopped be’in my brother when you chose to suck cock…, God! … I’m glad momma died before she could see what you become…, you always was a sissy little prick…, now we know why…, you gonna die today!”

Carl was getting more and more worried now, he’d managed to regain his feet without falling over from the shock and pain of his broken nose. Charlie his second oldest brother at sixteen, had walked around him while Tony had been talking, and was now standing almost directly behind him. Tony had moved a little to Carl’s other side at the same time. Carl was pretty much surrounded by then, well as much as you can be when you’re facing only two. He also knew that he couldn’t escape, and he started to pray that he could get out of this mess somehow. Making several promises he knew he couldn’t keep, he also made one that he was determined to follow through with…, he would make peace with his new family and not stand in the way of Danny and Cam…, if he survived that is.

Carl was almost ready to fight back, when suddenly Charlie grabbed his left arm and twisted it painfully behind his back. Almost simultaneously, Tony punched him hard in the stomach. Completely knocking the wind out of him, his oldest brother immediately followed through with several wicked fast punch’s to the kidneys on both sides. If Charlie hadn’t been trying to break Carl’s arm, he would have collapsed from the pain, sadly though for Carl, his big brother was keeping him squarely on his feet…, Tony wasn’t finished by a long shot.

‘Fight Time’ kicked in for Carl and as time slowed down to a crawl, he felt in intricate detail the agony of what was happening to his body, all the while praying for it to stop. If that meant the actual end, he realized then, by that point he was ready for it. Now that he had reached that point, he knew that in a way it was the perfect little crime. Because of the storm, there was sure to be no one else around, or at least that’s what he thought. Even though he almost welcomed his fate, Carl was still full of fear at what might come next. Tony was looking at the scared little boy in front of him…, he was thinking murder, and asked.

“What’re you thinking about right now faggot? I can tell you what I’m thinking…, honestly some days I think mom should have just flushed you down the toilet when you first showed up…, would have saved us all a load of trouble.”

For his part, Charlie was disgusted at what he’d just heard…, he didn’t want this…, sure, he had no problem roughing up his fag brother, but he was still his brother…, he didn’t want to really hurt him. Tony on the other hand, looked possessed. You see, Tony blamed his little brother for everything that had happened to their family. In Tony’s mind, God himself was punishing their family for Carl being gay. Charlie knew that wasn’t true…, that it couldn’t be true, and only went along with Tony to protect himself. Now though he wasn’t so sure…, maybe he could make Tony see some reason.

He was indeed in a very real moral quandary…, on the one hand, he could feel his little brother getting weaker, he just knew Carl didn’t have much time left…, yet on the other, he knew that he couldn’t beat Tony in a fight. Carl was sagging more and more from the onslaught, and Charlie knew that the stress being put on his shoulder, would soon do some pretty serious damage, So doing all he could for him at the time, he relaxed the position that he had Carl’s arm in…, but he couldn’t let go altogether so he tried to hold his brother up as best he could. He so desperately wanted to run, to get away…, to call for help, but didn’t out of fear of what his older brother would do to him if did.

“Tony…, come on bro…, can’t you see he’s had enough…, seriously dude, he’s really hurt…, I think we should call an ambulance, or he’s gonna die…”

Tony looked at Charlie with clear disgust, his voice still full of malice1 and hate he said…

“What…, you turning queer now too? … That makes you no better than he is…, you drop him and you’re next!” Then turning his attention back to Carl…

“That’s just the beginning, sperm breath…, you’re a disgusting little faggot and you’re gonna burn in hell tonite! … Why don’t you just go kill yourself and save us the trouble?” He said, looking longingly at the almost frozen lake.

That was the last thing that Tony was able to say, as a blur from the left took him out in a spear tackle the envy of any professional football player. The three brothers had been so intent on each other, that none of them had seen Carl’s savior approach, or the leap from the four feet away that culminated in that spear. As soon as Tony was on the ground, Charlie came to his senses and let go of his brother’s arm, letting him fall to his knees…, and ran.

For his part, Carl was gasping for breath, before he finally collapsed into the snow. His arm hurt from the elbow to the shoulder, his wrist hurt where Charlie had been gripping it so hard, and his sides also hurt like hell from where Tony had repeatedly beat on him. Though Carl was dangerously close to passing out, he still had the wherewithal to notice that it had become deathly silent all of a sudden. But he couldn’t even lift his head to see if there was anyone still there. It took him several minutes, and even though it hurt like hell, he began breathing almost normally before passing out completely.

* * *

Cam poured another drink for himself, and put a little in each of his boy’s glasses, before setting the bottle of twelve year old Laphroaig on the dinner table in front of him. Being not much of a drinker, Dale only looked at his glass. Carl on the other hand…, even though it hurt his broken nose…, took a big pull on his. Dale thought he was probably trying to self medicate…, or commune with the booze god or something. No that wasn’t it, he realized as soon as he’d thought it, he was communing with his new dad, just like we all have at some point or another when we given a sip of beer or wine. You didn’t have to like the stuff to like the person you’re drinking with, if Cam thought it was a treat to drink with his boys once in a while, then it was. Dale knew that you couldn’t get drunk on a tiny sip, and that’s all his Uncle had ever allowed them, but you’d become that much closer to who you were with. It was Carl’s special moment, not the most appropriate when you’re fourteen, but it was still special to him all the same.

Cam hadn’t waited for an ambulance that afternoon, he’d just picked Carl up as gently as he could, and rushed him to the jeep. Not the most comfortable of conveyances to carry an injured person, but with Dale’s help they were soon at the hospital. The ER can’t have been that busy that day, or maybe it was the state that Carl appeared to be in, but as they rushed into the building they were immediately swamped with medical personnel. Carl was taken straight to a treatment room, while Dale and Cam looked on in horror, as the doctors and nurses cut his clothes away to inspect his injuries.

After what seemed like the longest time, a doctor in green hospital scrubs came out of the room and took them to a small waiting room off to the side. He sat them down and explained to them what was going to happen, and the treatment thus far. He was suspicious of the bruising to Carl’s abdomen, and was sending him for several scans and tests. Once he’d gone through the procedures and asked about allergies and the like, he advised that a nurse would be in to get some information and insurance details. It was over two hours later that they able to see him, by that time Dale had shed so many tears, that Cam was beginning to wonder if he’d dry out. As soon as they got into the room, Dale rushed to his boyfriends side, taking a firm grip on his hand, like he would never let go again. Cam, for his part did the same on the other side.

Though he had taken quite a beating, Carl didn’t actually look that worse for wear, after the nurses had cleaned him up. His nose had been set, and there was a large butterfly bandage on it, the left side of his face was showing a little bruising, but not too bad. All in all Carl, outwardly, looked ok…, at least he did to Dale. But they still had to wait for the tests and x-rays. In the mean time, Dale and Cam, both tried to engage him in conversation. None of which was overly heavy, just words of concern and love…, not too mention loving threats of what would happen if he ever ran off alone again. Those were mostly from Dale, who had by then stopped crying, having seen that his boy was probably going to be ok.

The doctor came back with the films and test results not long after. He stated that although Carl would be sore for several days, he was a very lucky boy. The films he was pouring over, showed no signs of serious internal injuries. Though he did admonish Cam to check on him when he passed urine to make sure there was no blood there, as both kidneys showed signs of slight bruising. Cam, having some experience with the human body and what man can do to it, took an interest in the films himself. From what he could make out, the doc was pretty much spot on, and he sighed heavily with relief. With a prescription for a mild pain killer, the doctor signed Carl’s release papers, and the three made there way home some time later.

The stress of the last few days had finally tipped Cam over the edge by the time he had gotten the boys home. He’d thought the worst when he got to the top of that hill and he saw his son being beaten, he’d just reacted in the only way he knew how. Taking off in a full sprint was dangerous, but then he didn’t care and used his momentum to take down the one that was doing the beating. It wasn’t until he had him on the ground that he realized that it was Carl’s oldest brother. That was the only thing that saved Tony that day…, if it had been anyone else, Cam wouldn’t have stopped…, not when one of his boys was in danger.

The other two were in bed by the time they got there, Cam had called from the hospital to tell them that everything was fine and not to wait up. All he could think about then was going to bed himself, he was that tired, but two of his boys had forced him into one last chore that night. As soon as he got to it he took a bottle from the liquor cabinet and led his boys into the kitchen. He’d been out of touch with everything lately, but primarily his boys, he needed to get to the bottom of what was going on, and foremost on his mind was why those two had felt the need to have the fight that led to Carl leaving. A few home truths were going to be laid out, and some explanations demanded, but for the most part, Cam decided to go easy on them…, he just needed to reconnect.

* * *

After a good sleep, the first he’d had in days…, and on doctor’s orders, just toast and juice for breakfast, Carl went for a short walk around the block the following morning. It was about nine by the time he walked back into the house, and he found Cam and Danny were in the living room just lounging together. After the conversation with his new dad last night, Carl knew for certain that they were both gay, and he was almost as certain that they were if not yet a couple, they soon would be. Over the last few days, he’d seen them hold hands, even snuggle, when they thought no one else could see them. But he’d not seen them making out before and was totally unprepared for it. Consequently out of sheer embarrassment, he tried to back out of the room when he walked in on them kissing. He wasn’t noisy by nature, but they had their heads up before he got out of sight, having bumped into the door making it bang into the wall…, so he just stopped.

They had been kissing, that’s all…, Cam had seen he and Dale do it all the time…, but Carl was very embarrassed when he stumbled into their space. Something had to happen, and as usual, it was Cam.

“Hey Kiddo, didn’t hear you come in.” He said, almost cheerily. “How are you feeling today? … How was your night?”

Carl took a step back and mumbled. “Oh gees…, I’m really sorry. I’m gonna go upstairs and lay down for a while.”

He turned to go back through the kitchen door he’d come out of and headed toward the stairs. But before he got there Cam was in front of him, having gone the other way…, the way that appeared to be faster. He was still blushing a furious red, when he looked into Cam’s eyes, before dropping his own to the floor.

“Hey Kiddo…” He smiled a tired smile at his son, hands on his hips. “Don’t make this into something it isn’t.”

Carl took a step back and stared at his dad. Not knowing if he was in trouble or not, he kinda felt like he was, though he wasn’t sure if it was because he’d walked in on them, or walked away from them. Cam’s tone hadn’t been angry, and some of the colour had returned to Carl’s face, giving him an almost normal pallor.

“Listen to me kiddo…, all you saw was a little kiss.” Cam sighed loudly, taking another deep breath before he continued. “I’m sorry you saw it…, but you know what’s going on…, I really thought we had all this cleared up last night?”

He’d gotten closer to Carl while talking to him, but took a step back and looked him square in the eye. “All you saw was a friendly kiss…, I’m sorry if that embarrassed you…, I really like him kiddo and I think he likes me…, but I thought I made it clear last night that that doesn’t leave any of you out…, not in any way at all…, it is what it is…, and you know you belong.”

Carl looked at Cam closely trying to see if he really meant what he said…, what he saw there showed just how stupid and childish he was being…, so much so that it hurt him deeply and he started leaking tears. The last straw came to mind right then, but even that wasn’t it. When Cam saw his tears, he came close again and pulled Carl into him in a heart felt hug, being ever so mindfull of causing the boy any further pain. Carl needed that hug though, and oh so desperately. As Cam patted and then gently stroked his back, all the while Carl cried on his shoulder.

When he’d calmed down enough to take in his surroundings, he found that he was in his room. Cam had taken him there, had lifted him in his embrace and carried him up the stairs. But for Carl, there was a blank in his mind between downstairs and his room. Regardless he now found that he was sitting in Dale’s desk chair, while Cam was sitting on the edge of the bed Carl shared with Cam’s nephew.

Smiling ever so weakly at him, no longer sure why he’d been so upset. But then again when he thought about it, he did know why, just not why it had hit him so badly. What had gotten to him, was that was the first overt expression of their burgeoning love, that he’d been witness to. He had accepted that Cam was probably gay a very long time ago, and even if it was very recently, that Danny was going to be his mate. But that was on one level, the level where gay and mate and partner are just words. Now he’d unexpectedly witnessed an action, and had been completely taken aback.

It’s not that a kiss is a big deal, not at all, and a gay kiss shouldn’t have been either or he and Dale were in a lot of trouble. It was just the physical proof that Cam and Danny were gay, and were probably going to end up together…, that’s what hit him squarely in the face. So much so, that he was embarrassed about his own feelings, and was very unwilling to look over at Cam. Over the last few months he’d gotten to know him pretty well, and knew that if he was bothered, then Cam was bothered times ten. To make things worse, he knew that he’d sit there as long as it took for Carl to say something.

He finally mumbled, “I’m sorry Cam…, it’s okay…, really…”

Cam patted the bed beside him, and feeling as stupid as he looked right then, Carl somewhat reluctantly went and sat there. Putting his arm over his son’s shoulders, he started to stroke them gently. He could see that Carl had something on his mind, something he needed to say, and he was nothing if not a patient man…, so he waited and sat…, trying to push every ounce of love he had for Carl through his arm into the boy’s body.

“I’m sorry I overreacted.” He said, softly a few minutes later.

“You didn’t overreact kiddo…, not at all…, you just didn’t expect to see what you did…, I get it” Cam gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze as he smiled to himself. “What you did was under-noise! … If you’d given some warning that you were coming, instead of coming in like that…, you wouldn’t have seen anything out of the norm.”

Carl looked up at his smiling eyes, just as Cam asked, “Whatever inspired you to sneak in like a stealthed up ninja?”

“I didn’t sneak.” He replied meekly, before breaking out into small giggles.

Cam lifted his arm off of Carl’s shoulders and roughed his hair gently. The smile on the boy’s face was a breakthrough, a small one maybe, but a breakthrough nonetheless. The kid still might not have been that keen on the whole thing, but Cam felt that at least, they were getting somewhere. For his part, Carl too was very mindful of the promise he had made the day before while he was taking that beating. He was still determined to see it through.

“You’re okay?” Cam said, with a slight hint of hesitation.

He was, but he wasn’t sure if he should admit it just yet. He did though, and nodded. The relief of that was palpable to Cam, and Carl felt the body of his dad slump with the release of the tension he hadn’t noticed until right then.

“You’re very special to me Kiddo…, you all are…, I don’t think I could go on if I lost any of you…, I don’t know where this thing with Danny will end up…, but I really want to at least play it out…, are you sure you’re gonna be ok with that?”

“I’m trying Cam…, I know I’ve been a dick…, but I really am trying…”

That was good enough for Cam and he smiled a stronger smile than he felt he could at the time, then giving Carl’s shoulder one last gentle squeeze, before he stood. Carl stood too, and at the door he smiled again, then left without another word. After he left, Carl sat back at the desk and put his head down on his arm. It’s true, he was no longer upset, but he had some feelings to sort out and he did that best alone.

Up until Dale, he didn’t know much about gay. Well, he knew a little from his dad, though that was mostly hate and bigotry, and he also knew all the gossip from the school yard. There were a few people at school who others whispered about, but he hadn’t seen anything in it. They’d always just looked like anyone else to him, until Dale that is…, until his own feelings started to float to the surface. He thought to himself that, that was the crux of it, but he was always too scared to admit anything to any body…, especially his father.

One Sunday in Boston when he was about eight, while his mom was in the hospital before she died, he’d taken a walk with his father to enjoy the nice weather. They ran into the Gay pride Parade, or whatever it was called. He was shocked at first, stunned, and knocked out by all the people on floats and the ones marching. If they were trying to shock people, they sure did a job on him! Men in almost nothing, other men in leather and spikes, and still others in pants so tight they looked painted on. Guys wore bright things, and pink feathers, and he didn’t know what else. There were women, too, and just as flamboyant. He was enthralled, but one look at the disgusted expression on his fathers face, and he instantly didn’t want to be there. Looking at his father he asked, “Can we go please daddy?”

His father had been looking around too, and turned to his son and said. “Look at the crowd boy.” The anger rising in his voice. “These marchers are people showing off their filth and I don’t know what…, these people on the sidewalks? … These thousands of people looking like you and me…, they’re just lapping it up…, makes me sick…, it’s so unnatural…, I’ll never get used to it or accept it…, perverts!”

They hadn’t stayed long that day, even if it wasn’t for the horrified looks on a great deal of the crowd at what his father had said, the simple fact was that his father couldn’t stand to be anywhere near them, and that was reason enough to leave. That’s the kind of role model that poor Carl had had to grow up with, it was easy to see why he was having such a hard time with everything. It got even worse when his mom died, and his father had to leave the marines…, that’s when he really turned puritanical. It was so bad that Carl hid himself away, not just emotionally but sometimes physically as well, in order to escape.

That all changed when he came to live with Cam and the twins, now he had an outlet, a way to express the feelings that he’d suppressed for so long. Except for yesterday he thought that at last he no longer needed to fear what he was, that now he could be free, but the day before had taught him a very valuable lesson…, one that he would not soon forget. For now though he was ok, he was healing, and he was desperately trying to put it all out of his mind…, at least he was until a pair of very familiar arms wrapped their way around him.

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Written by bigct/Octavius

July 12, 2010 at 04:59

6 Responses

Yes, this chapter was violent, but it served its purpose.
I am still taken aback though, from the fact Carl was the one to have problem with Cam’s relationship with Danny. He is the last from Cam’s boys I would have expected to. But on the other hand it makes sense. He just got new daddy and is not prepared to share him. And then, the things Carl’s own father installed in him plays some role here too, because no matter how much you try, you can’t easily come over upbringing installed deep in you, even though you know these things are bad.
Anyway, it was great reading and I think you are definitely doing good job with this story. And I thank you for it, because it’s always good to see new chapter from you.

You were right, I wasn’t going to like it. Not the story by any means, but the situation. I had a gut feeling at the end of the last chapter that something bad was going to happen to Carl, but didn’t want to admit it. It brings me great sorrow when something bad happens, especially to one of the boys. I know it’s just a story, but shit like this happens all to often in real life. It needs to be told, brought out into the light. It just means I need to stock up on tissues again!

Keep the chapters coming, my dear friend! I know there will be a light at the end of this tunnel! Although this is a story, there’s a lesson to be learned from it. Us “old farts” have learned this lesson, but the younger ones need to learn it as well, especially those who are like Dale and Carl.

Sorry this is getting a little long-winded (like someone else we know), but finally needed to say what’s on my mind. Keep up the excellent work, and I’ll be expecting a signed (and numbered) hard copy any day now.

And so Dale embraces his boyfriend, reinforcing the love that Cam has shown for Carl. Very much needed, after the family Carl had known all his life shows what hatred can do. Again Cam and Dale show what true family love is. Very tough chapter, but again shows that love can really heal wounds. Beautiful, once again

Well I can’t say I didn’t see the fight coming, although I was surprised when it was Carl’s brothers. An interesting twist. I’m glad everything worked out and Carl is relatively ok. I’m interested to know what’s going to happen with Carl’s old family though.

OMG, I cried the whole time Carl was getting beat up and till the doctor came back and said he was ok to go home. Why would his bothers beat him so bad. that’s not a bother that’s a monster. I am glad they didn’t really kill him. I bet if Cam didn’t come they would have killed him. Thanks for not hurting him to bad. Hugs JJ