This is a copy my ‘source’ found at the desk of the famous commentators who comment during the Arsenal games. If you want to venture into the field of commentary, especially be an Arsenal game commentator, the following points are a must.

– Arsenal have not won a trophy for ‘x’ years ❒

– Cannot defend ❒

– Cannot defend set pieces ❒

– Mention the Newcastle 4-4 game ❒

– Wenger is under pressure this season ❒

– Fans are not happy ❒

– Arsenal don’t like rough tackles ❒

– Soft center ❒

– Perfect time to mention the bad disciplinary record and the red cards Arsenal have ❒

– Will concede a goal in the last 5mins of the game, give recent example. If none mention the 4-4 Newcastle game again ❒

– Mention Cesc and Barcelona. If you really hate Arsenal mention he has won more trophies already at Barcelona followed by a mock laugh ❒

– Mention Nasri and City, players who have left this summer.

– Root for the opposition to score a goal throughout the game, its never to late. 4-4. ❒

– If Arsenal score mention they are bad in defending. Game is not over yet ❒

– If opposition scores, celebrate as if your own child has scored a goal against Arsenal. (Will come naturally to you, I know) ❒

– Arsenal are in ‘crisis’ ❒

– Perfect time to mention the United 8-2, which is the new 4-4 ❒

– Arsenal need new CB’s ❒

– Arsenal need an English CB, cannot win title without one ❒

– Lack of English players at Arsenal ❒

– Wenger is French ❒

– Will not finish in the Top 4 ❒

– Arsenal are getting lucky! ❒

– Do not mention injuries. If mentioned, compare that everyone has them and Arsenal have lack of depth ❒

– Do not mention money spent on new Stadium ❒

– Do not mention net spent over the past decade ❒

– Mention above points if Arsenal are losing the game. Of course ❒

– Mention above points if Arsenal are winning. Duh ❒

If you follow these above rules, Congrats! You are now an official Arsenal Commentator!