First, I’d like to say a MASSIVE “THANK YOU!” to all of the new people–and all the others–the “old?.” *laughing*

But thank you so much for all of your new Blog Follows, your Post Likes, and Twitter Follows as well. I am not boasting or trying to sound vain. I never do that. Unless I’m writing so crazily (or not?) about something, it might come across that way.

The point I’m trying to make, is that there have been so many of you. I can’t keep track! My Inbox can get flooded and I can’t check all of you out! I want to, but on the mental market? I’m not the latest cyborg for sale. I’m used and a refurb where the Techs didn’t do such a good job.

So I’m sorry for that. However, I do have everything neatly organized and filed. I can find all of you, so when I get… *sighs*

My blog sucks, as of late too. I have a theory about all of you new people; why you’re flying all around my head, then eventually landing straight on it!

NOTE: I am in no way comparing my New Followers like any annoying insects.

My theory is, you are stumbling upon Posts from the past. You read them, and think, “Hey! This chick’s really groovy ‘n keen ‘n lots of other ‘n stuff. Or ‘n AWESOME one! This chick’s really out there ‘n I have no clue what sort of person but I’m kind of confused ‘n scared ‘n so curious ‘n at the same time…”

You latter folks are the bravest of all. It’s like a, dare in your mind to nail me on my Blog, upcoming Posts and new Twitter jazz.

As far as Posts from the past, and how many of you “old guys” are perhaps still around?

I know I put a lot of you through a lot of shit! I know people have given me online defenestrations! I probably deserved it. Then, there are all of those who have done the same–I just haven’t known about it. Anonymous Defenestration!

Me being tardy? My MacBook is totally screwed, so I just tried to replace some things on my Sidebar. Then, for some reason all of my months of blogging became a list!

That proves it. A little tardy but this blog’s been up for eight years.

I am a HUGE believer in Free Speech. I think all of you readers should know that by now.

However, I refuse to (unless I just can’t help it when extremely ranty?) write things that are snarky and uncalled for, regarding someone in my personal life.

I know. Can it, or is it a fine line?

Thus, every piece of “Dirty Laundry” is not being washed and dried, it’s been thrown into the trash. Moreover, every Post that was related to said “Dirty Laundry” has been deleted, lest one. A reference was was changed because I wanted to keep the Post up.

That is the most deleting I have EVER done on my Blog–that has somehow survived nine bloody years! Don’t ask me how that’s happened!

I was so ticked off with the WP app from Auttommatticc or whoever they are, I simply went to my blog online and put it on my mobile’s desktop, or screen or whatever. Then, the idea was to simply link and pounce on it (well one of the types of “pounces” out there.)

And voila!

Which is why I’m now testing it. To see if I get my “voila.”

My thoughts? First, I have comments! Everything went to hell when I had that tiny power loss, yet the weather was so bad, it knocked out my ISP all night. So on the agenda.

Also, if by chance Huffington Post Canada and/or Epilepsy Ontario reads my post and starts checking up on me? Because I said I wrote for Epilepsy Ontario?

That was non-PA. Yes, the person who actually exists behind such a phantom creature here. Who even has a real name!

Many of my old readers know this story but they still might be interested in this disaster for me a second time! It might destroy all of the hard work my Neurologist and I have been working on for six months now. Intensive and over the top levels of two of my other Anticonvulsants–plus the one I lost. The doses are SO high, people think it’s practising irresponsible medicine.

No. It’s been the last and only chance. Throwing a dart at the board blindfolded.

To everyone’s surprise, I have been seizure free since the beginning of August. Here, it is mandatory for a doctor to report even one seizure so that a person can no longer drive. If you have zero for a year, you can drive again. I know I’ll make a full year. Unless this happens?

The drug I “lost” and had to quit cold turkey was called Clobazam. You NEVER quit a drug cold turkey unless it is a medical emergency AND under medical supervision. I had no choice. For the first time ever in my life, I was told drug manufacturers could no longer supply pharmacies with certain medications. I had never had a problem with that in my life.

Losing the Clobazam damn near killed me. It completely eroded me physically and mentally because first it was gone. Then, when I could finally resume taking the drug, it had lost some of its efficacy. Thus, I remained undermedicated until last July when we slowly started to fix me up with massive quantities of Anticonvulsants.

There is also a VERY important note I would like to express here. In fact, pound it into every doctor who believes in substitutions for Clobazam and possibly other medications. Big Pharma and the Government will come later.

Clobazam falls under the category of Benzodiazepines. However, it is a specialized one. It is one to treat epilepsy and epilepsy ALONE. Every Neurologist and even Pharmacist knows this fact. Moreover, it is SO specialized, it is primarily used for Catamenial (occurring during Menses) epilepsy and migraines.

If I lose this drug again, it might not work for me ever. Again.

So, there is some background material. Why is it so relevant? I would now like to draw your attention to some very important reading. You might not care to read it as it’s rather devastating to me. The links occur in a chain-like fashion. That’s how I’m going to end this with Big Pharma and the Government. If you don’t pause to look at everything, the chain of discussion could perhaps lose sense.

Epilepsy Ontario is a wonderful site. I’ve actually written for them but don’t let that mean I am biased. They also have a wonderful Newsletter you can subscribe to if you’d like, their website is chock full of information. Due to this, I might be able to re-work my last piece I couldn’t write before!

Now have a look at this. What’s listed right at the very top of EPILEPSY TORONTO’s website! So, we have Local and Provincial Awareness, Support and Notification. Sniff, sniff. Anyone smell something funny?

National. Unless I’ve suddenly been struck blind, I see no mention of Drug Shortages or other problems anywhere on this site. What I do see is a lot written about raising money for support and the word “Research.” That’s rather interesting.

One needs to take Anticonvulsants (or rarely others) for epilepsy. If research is being done regarding medication, who manufactures medications?

There is also a nice little tidbit regarding concerns about Animal Testing (but nothing about epilepsy.) If you would like more information about what Epilepsy Canada is doing, or the guidelines for Animal Testing in general? Who do you contact?

Yeah, back to bed after that one! Love, loss, I’m a loser where love is concerned. Some kind of Purple Prose like I’m on LSD? I didn’t want to touch my computer, let alone look at my blog and what I had just written.

I didn’t want to do this. No, no. Then, I thought give it a try? At least once. Couldn’t hurt except…

I’ve completely and utterly loathed doing anything in a group setting! Forever!!!

Class Projects (the MOST brutal!) Going out with a group of people–even if it’s fun despite Aspie Spazziness. However, none of them can decide what the hell to do (the MOST frustrating!) Actually, in just thinking about this now, I’m not a control freak. Although Class Projects can actually turn me into one!

This “group thing?” AA. Oh, a “group thing” that could be the worst. It could do me in for life!

I’m sinking. I’m drowning (nice pun since my substance of choice is alcohol.) I don’t know if I can handle it on my own again. It certainly doesn’t help that the merry and so joyful holidays are here. Plus a bunch of other things going on in wee PAs personal life. I mean, they even strung up X-mASS lights all along our patio, so simply looking out my window will be a potential trigger!!! They didn’t do it last year!

Also, apologies to all the religious folks for me writing Christmas as X-mASS. One reader and pal gave me shit for that. It’s just a written expression of how bad a time of year it is for me.

So speaking of the non-religious (moi) and AA, Holy Cats and the Mother who just gave birth to her kittens!!! I’d never heard of this before! Agnostic AA! o_O Moreover, wrap up anything you think/believe/feel into a ball and toss that in altogether!

Because Agnosticism is actually a Philosophical Argument. I does not attack Atheism, deny it exists, and therefore trickles down to Atheists telling them they are “wrong.” It only tries to state that since you can not prove it exists, is it all that unreasonable that it doesn’t? Basically. I only got a B+ in Philosophy in uni.

So I just emailed them for some information. There’s one location very close to where I live. I might not make it through the holidays. No, I probably won’t. A friend is leaving me. I can still visit but…ah, forget it.

Take care all. Pardon all my idiocy. Maybe that will help some. My stats have seriously gone WAY down!!! You all know I don’t care about numbers, but to see a drop in numbers of your readers as huge as that??? My blog is tanking just as much as I am! *laughs*

I’m nuts. I’m losing it. Maybe I lost it a long, long time ago. *nods*

This wasn’t supposed to happen. I was supposed to go straight to hospital. I didn’t. I was sent to a Detox and Withdrawal “Facility.” They only have “workers.” Nobody is even a nurse. If you feel sick they tell you to go to hospital.

I’m still and seriously “recovering from my recovery” there. Traumatized. It’s taken me days to write this. I haven’t touched any form of technology unless I’ve felt it necessary–or it has been. Like medical things and such. At least now that I’m home I can have all my tech gear. Not allowed in there!

I spend hours and hours sleeping under my duvet. 14hrs is my record (I think?) but that is only because the phone woke me up. However, I wake up at 0600hrs every single morning. I don’t know why but I just go back to sleep. I am useless.

You just discharge yourself. Nobody cares. Unless you break the only rule they have. During some people’s prison sentences, they can go for a half hour walk once a day. Said “rule” would be having a cigarette and definitely using any addictive anything. During that “privilege” for them, I thought something odd.

People would go out to buy coffee. You can become addicted to caffeine, yes? And nobody “was responsible” for letting you go outside–unless you were still in the middle of Detox/Withdrawal. If they ever bothered to pay attention to that.

The place was hell–in more ways than one. I suppose the only good things I got out of it was going through Detox and Alcohol Withdrawal. You get really sick. Although my process wasn’t even close to some of the really hardcore users of anything.

The second thing? My awesome roommates. With each one, the jokes and laughter never ceased. The last one I had before I left was basically a street/shelter resident, who was a total wreck from crack and heroin. She was the funniest of all. We never stopped laughing over ourselves, over each other, over anything period. Unless we were asleep.

Actually, that’s not true. Living alone for so long, I wondered if I still talked in my sleep. This was last reported to me in my early 20s. Guess what? I still do. I suppose that means I will never stop because that was 20 years ago.

I wrote daily blog posts as I always do when I go to HOSPITAL!!!However, they’re all by hand. Maybe they’ll get up here some day.

They really did so much to break me down psychologically and physically. The worst physically?

I had to fast because I took one bite of something one night and it was like a Samurai Sword went right through me. It took me a while to think of this ugliness. The other inmates are involved with preparation and serving food to the other inmates.

Just think about that for a minute. If you don’t quite get it, you’ve got a lot of heavy duty substance users that need to get clean. The majority live on the street, a shelter if they can find one, or who knows where else? Even if you’ve got a home, think of cross-contamination?

They weren’t even given proper medical procedure gloves that even the damn cleaners wear! I’m not kidding! They were all floppy, hanging off their hands.

Uh, maybe some hygiene problems? Could I please have the fucking cleaner serve me my food?

Psychologically? Long post, there. Let’s just say a short version is they brought out every single diagnosis I have and put them all into overdrive. They probably squeezed out of me whatever else they desired too. How about this?

On the day I left, one of the workers said strip your bed. Fine. Well, wee PA is always freezing so six blankets? I had to use two heavy bags. This lying bitch grabbed one and told me to bring mine along to the elevator as well. Slight MAJOR(!!!) problem. With my cane, a very heavy bag over my shoulder and a door I have to pull open?

WHAM! BOOM! KATHUNK! *tries to protect head*

The other worker came running out and said, “What are you doing?!?!” I explained what I was told to do. “She picked me up and said, “No! No! That’s what we’re here to do! We’re here to help you!”

ASIDE: Someone nice? I had never seen this girl before.

The other worker grabbed the stuff and took it to the elevator. I did get my bell rung a bit as I was having trouble with my discharge forms. She deliberately lied back in the office about the whole matter. She needed to so the niceworker could hear that she didn’t tell me to do it. Gotta CYA if an inmate gets injured on your shift, ya know?

I was leaving anyway. What did I have to lose?

I lit into her almost like one of my Samurai Dinners. Welcome to some of the “treatment” that was given to me.

Remembering that goddamn hell just on its own will probably keep me sober for the rest of my life.

Now, where were we? Me unable to move in bed. Hardly being able to type on my mobile. Thus dropping it all over but that was okay. It was landing on a soft surface. Me. *smiles* Oh, bugger! I just dropped the damn thing again!

This post is going to take a while. Well, I’ve got lots of time.

I’ve had about 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep brought on by the Grim Reaper. Then, after that period, I was resurrected with only a few memories of Alien Abduction. Or “someone else” doing “something else” to me.

But I don’t know exactly what.

Harvard knows people can be extrasensative to generics. She went to Harvard to practise Neurology! Even man-on-street would probably know. For some people generics can be intolerable to the point of severely dangerous.

Harvard hasn’t encountered many people who have found themselves under the “no subs” ruling. “no subs” meaning, “No Substituions.” Yep. Your physician has the right to be Judge, Jury, Grim Reaper, Aliens in your bedroom and whatever else.

So what the hell happened? Harvard has NEVER had a problem with any of the multitudes of the generics out there. She went to see Merlin #2 and because of the EXISTING med changes, insomnia is a problem. He prescribed her non-generic Seroquel that she takes for sleep. The original recipe, Grandma’s secret blend of ingredients for her chicken soup to cure all ills-until she died five years later-and took it to her grave.

Sort of. The patents run out in five years. After that, all the other Big Pharma Companies jump on it so they can make money too. However, slight glitch in the Matrix. Since you’re dealing with a patent, you need to make some sort of “innocuous?” change.

Maybe Harvard is having a problem because she’s never been on a Brand med. Right now? I’m gettin’ the good stuff…totally pure…not cut with no baking soda, or any of that shit! *laughing*

Too much. Ah, this med change will be nothing compared to everything else! It’s just so out of this world!

Yep. That’s what I called it on Twitter. What I just did a few days ago. And it’s sittin’ right here with me and my mouth’s hangin’ open because I AM TOTALLY INSANE!!!

And I can’t believe it’s actually here. It’s like some sort of bizarre “technological apparition.” I keep staring at it to try and figure out if I’ve become delusional or am having a hallucination. Because there’s this other “thing” that’s sitting even closer to me. Not across the room like the…”apparition.” It’s really, really tiny!!!

I have to go outside and have a cigarette now to try and make some sort of sense here. Maybe somehow clear my head? Doubtful. BECAUSE I’M TOTALLY INSANE!!!

Alright. I’ve examined the really, really,tiny thing some more and it looks like something you’d put in your wallet. But I can’t figure out why anyone would put THIS in a wallet! It has some letters and numerals on it and “squishy” spots. The biggest letters I can read are: “B…O…S…”

Well, hell’s bells! I spend so much time totally sick at home, completely useless, I might as well have a lovely stereo system to be totally sick and completely useless with!

Hey. It makes me less useless in one way. I can listen to music. There’s some sound (groan…sorry, couldn resist) logic for what I did. *nods*

Lovely? Oh, my. And yes, the remote control IS the size of the credit card I used to buy the damn thing!

I’ve just been mucking about with CDs to test volumes and sound outputs and…uh, this is rather interesting. GO, GO, baby MacBook AND YOUR INTERNAL DRIVE!!! CDs that I’ve burned come blastin’ out louder than manufactured ones!

AT. ONE. THIRD. OF. THE. VOLUME…

Yes, one third of the volume of the unit itself.

I wonder if I could deafen everyone on my entire floor by playing my burned CDs at MAXIMUM VOLUME!!!!!!!

I don’t think I’ll try that. Not for their sake but for my own. I’d be adjusting the volume right in front of it with the remote, right? It might make me deaf and throw me across the room at the same time. *laughing*

I think I’m fine with my neighbour too. I had a listen up close and the sound emanates forward, even though there is a rear speaker with sound output. It’s a lot more quiet. When I first started playing things, I was running out into the hallway and closing my door to see if…whoa… Not “too” loud but I’ve really got it up and you can hear it!

The sound is really clear too. Not only can I hear that with the music, but also song lyrics. That might help me out with my Asperger’s Auditory Processing Disorder issues.

Ah, whatever. It was on sale, free delivery, I’ve wanted one for years anyway. My expenses? I can handle my budget. Also, more cash if I’m not drinking?