CERN announces discovery of Satan particle

Scientists at CERN today announced that they had discovered the Satan particle, which has the same mass and spin as the God particle, but opposite charge. When a God particle and a Satan particle collide, the two annihilate each other and energy is released.

"This is embarrassing for the Standard Model, which completely failed to predict the existence of this particle," said CERN project leader Peter Higginbottom. However, theologian Richard Swineflu was jubiliant: "This is a complete vindication of Christian eschatology. Once again we see that those scientist chappies don't have all the answers. They are only starting to catch up on the wisdom that was divinely revealed to us 2,000 years ago."

Some physicists are now hunting for the Mary particle. This hypothetical partical, according to certain theories, can become quantum-entangled with the God particle, leading to the emission of a Jesus particle.

Meanwhile, Indian scientists are hoping for a slew of new discoveries when their Large Deity Detector goes online next year. "We expect to discover the Shiva particle, the Ganesh particle, and hundreds of other particles," said the center's director, Dr. Guruswamy Pundit.

Many theoretical physicists believe that the universe once contained many other types of particles which have decayed and no longer exist, including the Thor particle, the Zeus particle and the Quetzlcoatl particle.

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