Coke. Nondisclosure Agreement. I promise not to release any derogatory information about Trump and his family or Vice President Pence and his family. I also promise to grovel, slobber and lie on behalf of the President and to regularly praise him as a great leader. Signature. Date. *Be sure to attach your integrity and reputation to the back of the application.

Memorandum. Environmental Protection Agency. United States. Subject: Business/first class travel when protecting the EPA administrator. From: Scott Pruitt To: Travel Coordinator. I am requesting to be strategically seated in business and/or first class setting when on (wink wink) official travel. I have observed lashing out from passengers exercising their first amendment rights telling me what an unethical polluting swamp monster I am while I am seated in coach. Therefore, I believe continued use of coach seats would expose me to ridicule and scorn from the peons I am supposed to serve and therefore ask to be ungraded to business or first class accommodations.

What I did on my summer vacation: I played golf. I watched Trump News (not Fake News). My approval ratings were tremendous. Huge! The best ever! I played golf. I showed the N. Korean leader who's boss. Loser! I called the governor of Guam and told him he's going to be very famous (not as famous of me, of course). Tourism will explode for him. I played golf. I made the best statement about Charlottesville. I saw many sides. I fired Bannon (he came on my campaign very late, you know). I played golf. I got the Justice Dept. to watch the Lefties who protested my Inaugural (where I had the most amazing crowds. The biggest). I tweeted. I played golf.