Attachment Parenting "Blossom" style.

When I got pregnant with my daughter, I really struggled with what type of parent I should be. I was so worried about doing everything a certain way. Breast Feeding is acceptable and Formula is not. You need to have a natural birth or you are going to harm your baby. It is all so overwhelming. I ended up having my daughter via c-section. I was completely devastated. I felt like I did everything wrong. I was UNABLE to breastfeed. The horror. I kept trying to explain myself to people. "this is why I couldn't breastfeed....". And people would always come up with things I should have tried to be able to nurse my daughter. It took me many months to accept what was and to come to grips with what I had grown to think of as what was "best" wasn't necessarily what would be.When I got pregnant with my son it all started again. "You are going to VBAX, right". I tossed and turned the idea and then thought "why?". All the stress of trying to live up to what is "best", just wasn't for me. I went in for a scheduled c-section, relaxed, and at peace with my choices. I nursed my son for 9 wonderful months and then he got teeth and I decided I wasn't going to grin and bear it. Nope, sorry, I gave him formula until he turned one.

The thing about Attachment Parenting that bothers me, and really any parenting "title" is the fact that they may you feel like crap if you can't achieve all those things. I find it also interesting that throughout the article she says she isn't about labels, but really, it is. You are labeled a "formula feeder" or a "breast feeder". Everyone wants to know. How did you feed your baby? Are you a "baby wearer" or a "baby abandoned"? What, you don't wear your baby? You leave her/him crying and alone in an infant carrier. It is such a shame that you aren't allowed your personal space and have to figure out how to poop with baby attached to your chest all day.

So, lay it on me attachment parenters... why are you so superior to the rest of us?

When I got pregnant with my daughter, I really struggled with what type of parent I should be. I was so worried about doing everything a certain way. Breast Feeding is acceptable and Formula is not. You need to have a natural birth or you are going to harm your baby. It is all so overwhelming. I ended up having my daughter via c-section. I was completely devastated. I felt like I did everything wrong. I was UNABLE to breastfeed. The horror. I kept trying to explain myself to people. "this is why I couldn't breastfeed....". And people would always come up with things I should have tried to be able to nurse my daughter. It took me many months to accept what was and to come to grips with what I had grown to think of as what was "best" wasn't necessarily what would be.When I got pregnant with my son it all started again. "You are going to VBAX, right". I tossed and turned the idea and then thought "why?". All the stress of trying to live up to what is "best", just wasn't for me. I went in for a scheduled c-section, relaxed, and at peace with my choices. I nursed my son for 9 wonderful months and then he got teeth and I decided I wasn't going to grin and bear it. Nope, sorry, I gave him formula until he turned one.

The thing about Attachment Parenting that bothers me, and really any parenting "title" is the fact that they may you feel like crap if you can't achieve all those things. I find it also interesting that throughout the article she says she isn't about labels, but really, it is. You are labeled a "formula feeder" or a "breast feeder". Everyone wants to know. How did you feed your baby? Are you a "baby wearer" or a "baby abandoned"? What, you don't wear your baby? You leave her/him crying and alone in an infant carrier. It is such a shame that you aren't allowed your personal space and have to figure out how to poop with baby attached to your chest all day.

So, lay it on me attachment parenters... why are you so superior to the rest of us?

I think people need to stop labeling their parenting choices. It makes it hard to live up to. I follow the Joshua parenting style and when the new baby gets here I will follow his/her leads and probably change things up a bit.

I do catch just as much crap though from other moms for co sleeping and breastfeeding. No one is ever going to be happy with all of your choices as a parent, but people need to ignore them and carry on with parenting their child. So I am just saying it is not only attachment style parenting moms that are giving others crap. It is mothers in general.

I think people need to stop labeling their parenting choices. It makes it hard to live up to. I follow the Joshua parenting style and when the new baby gets here I will follow his/her leads and probably change things up a bit.

I do catch just as much crap though from other moms for co sleeping and breastfeeding. No one is ever going to be happy with all of your choices as a parent, but people need to ignore them and carry on with parenting their child. So I am just saying it is not only attachment style parenting moms that are giving others crap. It is mothers in general.

In my personal experience, parents who use attachment parenting do not think they are better than parents that do not. I use some aspects of attachment parenting but not all (bed share sometimes, stopped bf at 7 months, wear my baby a lot). Attachment parents think they are doing what feels natural and right for their family. Doesn't work for you? They don't really care.

I think *most* parents feel that way about their parenting styles. It is very rare that I hear anyone (on this board or in real life) make comments about how only one type of parenting style is appropriate.

I think you are defensive because how you thought you would parent and how you ended up parenting are two different things. You feel guilty for not living up to your own (unrealistic) expectations. And therefore, you feel attacked whenever anyone mentions a parenting style that differs from yours.

Either that, or you surround yourself with holier-than-thou a$$holes.

In my personal experience, parents who use attachment parenting do not think they are better than parents that do not. I use some aspects of attachment parenting but not all (bed share sometimes, stopped bf at 7 months, wear my baby a lot). Attachment parents think they are doing what feels natural and right for their family. Doesn't work for you? They don't really care.

I think *most* parents feel that way about their parenting styles. It is very rare that I hear anyone (on this board or in real life) make comments about how only one type of parenting style is appropriate.

I think you are defensive because how you thought you would parent and how you ended up parenting are two different things. You feel guilty for not living up to your own (unrealistic) expectations. And therefore, you feel attacked whenever anyone mentions a parenting style that differs from yours.

I think as long as you and baby are happy and taken care of, there's no "right or wrong" way...everyone is always going to have a differing opinion no matter what you do. You can't please everyone. And you should never want to.

I think as long as you and baby are happy and taken care of, there's no "right or wrong" way...everyone is always going to have a differing opinion no matter what you do. You can't please everyone. And you should never want to.

"So, lay it on me attachment parenters... why are you so superior to the rest of us?"

I do a lot of attachment parenting techniques. Not because I believe in the ideas... but because this is how I do it and I didn't know it had a name until I got here. I remember the good ole days when you just parented as you saw fit and there was no name for how you did it.

"So, lay it on me attachment parenters... why are you so superior to the rest of us?"

I do a lot of attachment parenting techniques. Not because I believe in the ideas... but because this is how I do it and I didn't know it had a name until I got here. I remember the good ole days when you just parented as you saw fit and there was no name for how you did it.

You are very right, I suck as a parent because I couldn't Attachment Parent like the rest of my crunchy, at the time, California acquaintances. Thankfully, now I live in FL and people would rather throw their kids to the wolves and hope they flourish on their own.

You are very right, I suck as a parent because I couldn't Attachment Parent like the rest of my crunchy, at the time, California acquaintances. Thankfully, now I live in FL and people would rather throw their kids to the wolves and hope they flourish on their own.

It's usually the people who scream the loudest that is insecure in their own decisions. Parent how you want to and don't worry about how other people parent. There's no "right" way for everyone, so just focus on your kids, not what other people are doing with theirs.

It's usually the people who scream the loudest that is insecure in their own decisions. Parent how you want to and don't worry about how other people parent. There's no "right" way for everyone, so just focus on your kids, not what other people are doing with theirs.

This is the reason I never researched any parenting styles. I just went with the flow and did my best. Did I want a vaginal delivery? Yes, but that's not how my baby wanted to be born. Did I want to breastfeed? Yes, and I did for 7 very miserable weeks (for both of us) then decided to formula feed. Do I want my child hanging off of me? Absolutely not, which is why I put him down as much as possible (play mat, bouncer, jumper, etc.) I obviously comfort him and on occasion rock him to sleep if need be. I would be SO stressed out if I had to stick with a title and a certain method of raising my child. Also, this can be applied to sleep methods. I bought baby wise and decided to come up with my own technique (after reading the first chapter I gave the book away), borrowing some things from that and some from happiest baby in the block and some from Ferber and then some cues from my son. It works and I have a successful sleeper. I just do what I think is best for all of us, not just the baby. Chances are, if we're happy then he will be too.

This is the reason I never researched any parenting styles. I just went with the flow and did my best. Did I want a vaginal delivery? Yes, but that's not how my baby wanted to be born. Did I want to breastfeed? Yes, and I did for 7 very miserable weeks (for both of us) then decided to formula feed. Do I want my child hanging off of me? Absolutely not, which is why I put him down as much as possible (play mat, bouncer, jumper, etc.) I obviously comfort him and on occasion rock him to sleep if need be. I would be SO stressed out if I had to stick with a title and a certain method of raising my child. Also, this can be applied to sleep methods. I bought baby wise and decided to come up with my own technique (after reading the first chapter I gave the book away), borrowing some things from that and some from happiest baby in the block and some from Ferber and then some cues from my son. It works and I have a successful sleeper. I just do what I think is best for all of us, not just the baby. Chances are, if we're happy then he will be too.

I don't know from experience as I haven't met many who fully practice attatchment parenting, but I think that the label "attatchment parenting" has a lot to do with our perception of them thinking they are superior. Maybe we want a label? :) When I was unable to continue to BF past 6 weeks, I expected the real world to be like the internet world where was this was some kind of crime and insult to my child. It wasn't.. other mothers were generally very supportive.

I don't know from experience as I haven't met many who fully practice attatchment parenting, but I think that the label "attatchment parenting" has a lot to do with our perception of them thinking they are superior. Maybe we want a label? :) When I was unable to continue to BF past 6 weeks, I expected the real world to be like the internet world where was this was some kind of crime and insult to my child. It wasn't.. other mothers were generally very supportive.

I actually used a lot of aspects from "Attachment Parenting" and others. But, my problem isn't people who put themselves into the label, but the label itself. I think it leads you to feel like a failure as a parent if you couldn't reach all those bullet points. Why not allow people to feel comfortable with their choices? Why try and fit things into a neat little box when we all, as parents, know things don't always fit so neatly?

I actually used a lot of aspects from "Attachment Parenting" and others. But, my problem isn't people who put themselves into the label, but the label itself. I think it leads you to feel like a failure as a parent if you couldn't reach all those bullet points. Why not allow people to feel comfortable with their choices? Why try and fit things into a neat little box when we all, as parents, know things don't always fit so neatly?

It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes. ~ Douglas Adams

From:
cgmbell

To: ALL

Posted: Feb-19 10:17 AM (19 of 63)

I have yet to read one book, follow any 'parenting style' or follow any dr's advice other than my own pediatrician. I am pregnant with baby #4 and will not take 'advice' from a book, or a dr or another parent about what to do with my child, with the exception of the pediatrician that knows my children. What other people do with their children is their choice and they have every right to do so. Just as I do. I don't believe in the books because that is basically saying all babies and families are the same and they should all be raised the same. I don't listen to the specialty dr for the same reason. Not one author or dr has ever looked at my child and has ever spent time with my children so why should I take their recommendations that they think is best. For every dr that says one thing you have another that contradicts it. I raise my children my way. They are fed, they are clean, they are dressed in public, they are happy and thriving. Why does it matter how they got there? My first two were never 'worn' and my third was for about two or three months. They are all happy and well adjusted. No difference at all. The first and third were breast fed but the second wasn't. She is smarter than the boys. It doesn't matter what style you (general) use as long as baby is happy and parents are happy. When they baby suffers because the parents want things done such a certain way that hampers growth and thriving, then there is a problem.

I have yet to read one book, follow any 'parenting style' or follow any dr's advice other than my own pediatrician. I am pregnant with baby #4 and will not take 'advice' from a book, or a dr or another parent about what to do with my child, with the exception of the pediatrician that knows my children. What other people do with their children is their choice and they have every right to do so. Just as I do. I don't believe in the books because that is basically saying all babies and families are the same and they should all be raised the same. I don't listen to the specialty dr for the same reason. Not one author or dr has ever looked at my child and has ever spent time with my children so why should I take their recommendations that they think is best. For every dr that says one thing you have another that contradicts it. I raise my children my way. They are fed, they are clean, they are dressed in public, they are happy and thriving. Why does it matter how they got there? My first two were never 'worn' and my third was for about two or three months. They are all happy and well adjusted. No difference at all. The first and third were breast fed but the second wasn't. She is smarter than the boys. It doesn't matter what style you (general) use as long as baby is happy and parents are happy. When they baby suffers because the parents want things done such a certain way that hampers growth and thriving, then there is a problem.

Well I think that it is in the personality of the person researching the tactic. It never occurred to me (after I looked into the theory) that I had to follow all the parenting beliefs.

I think parenting styles SHOULD be like a cafeteria where you pick the stuff that works for you. People who adopt global beliefs and try to subscribe to all the reinforcing activities need to get out and live more.

Well I think that it is in the personality of the person researching the tactic. It never occurred to me (after I looked into the theory) that I had to follow all the parenting beliefs.

I think parenting styles SHOULD be like a cafeteria where you pick the stuff that works for you. People who adopt global beliefs and try to subscribe to all the reinforcing activities need to get out and live more.

You are very right, I suck as a parent because I couldn't Attachment Parent like the rest of my crunchy, at the time, California acquaintances.

Absolutely no where in my post did I say you suck as a parent (nor did I say attachment parenting was superior to other forms of parenting). I said you are acting as though attachment parents actually care how other people raise their kids, and in my experience they don't give a cr@p.

You are the one who says you were "devastated" to have a c-section and that you feel like you have to make excuses for why you didn't breastfeed. That means that *you* feel like you aren't living up to some standard of parenting and need to explain yourself to other parents. If your kids are healthy and happy, why should anyone care how you raise them (and more importantly, why the hell do you care what other people think about how you raise them?!)

I personally adopt a semi-attachment parenting model. Most of my friends are much more traditional, and most are outright anti-attachment parenting. Most my friends had their baby in their own crib from birth, never breastfed, don't wear their baby at all, use CIO, etc. Do I think they are bad parents? No. Do I think I am a better parent than them? No. Do my friends feel they are better parents for their choices? No. Do any of us feel the need to explain our parenting choices to each other? No.

I am saying if you feel like you constantly have to explain/justify your parenting choices you are either insecure in them yourself and/or you are surrounding yourself with the wrong people.

You are very right, I suck as a parent because I couldn't Attachment Parent like the rest of my crunchy, at the time, California acquaintances.

Absolutely no where in my post did I say you suck as a parent (nor did I say attachment parenting was superior to other forms of parenting). I said you are acting as though attachment parents actually care how other people raise their kids, and in my experience they don't give a cr@p.

You are the one who says you were "devastated" to have a c-section and that you feel like you have to make excuses for why you didn't breastfeed. That means that *you* feel like you aren't living up to some standard of parenting and need to explain yourself to other parents. If your kids are healthy and happy, why should anyone care how you raise them (and more importantly, why the hell do you care what other people think about how you raise them?!)

I personally adopt a semi-attachment parenting model. Most of my friends are much more traditional, and most are outright anti-attachment parenting. Most my friends had their baby in their own crib from birth, never breastfed, don't wear their baby at all, use CIO, etc. Do I think they are bad parents? No. Do I think I am a better parent than them? No. Do my friends feel they are better parents for their choices? No. Do any of us feel the need to explain our parenting choices to each other? No.

I am saying if you feel like you constantly have to explain/justify your parenting choices you are either insecure in them yourself and/or you are surrounding yourself with the wrong people.

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