​DeicideWith Kalakai, At Odds With God, Paris Is Burning, and First Born5Revolution, Fort LauderdaleSunday, March 14, 2010

Schlepping to Broward from Miami-Dade isn't too much of a task when the end product is something like metal muthas Deicide. They carry a real Floridian pedigree along the lines of say, a Hunter S. making with a bag full of goodies, but I digress and my sheriffs don't like it when I go off the deep ends on that rut-gut jug vino that seems to be on sale all of a sudden.

These metal tampons from Tampa have been at it for over two decades and the shtick hasn't gotten old because they have grown more evil exponentially over the years.

In preparation for my Sunday date with these devils, I began my evil late this past Saturday with plenty of cheap booze in the gut and an honest try at diddling some members of the opposite sex. I have no recollection of the evening, especially getting my car towed during the Wynwood Art's District Art Walk because apparently, according to the ticket, I took it upon myself to park my car in "the middle of the road." An approximate two hundred bucks later I was still jolting from the paranoia of driving my Datsun northways and borrowed my homegirl's SUV.

I remember Revolution Live as "the Edge" and having a good time drinking on the cheap outside of it -- these are trying times when one can get hassled for petty shit like throwing bottles and being loud. I arrived in time to catch Kalakai do their thing and I am a big fan of these little fucking heshers; ever since my boy gave me their CD last year. Well done! Raise the volume next time!

But the meat my editors want is the Deicide and I'll tell you: it was everything you'd expect it to be. A nice showing of their ten studio albums peppered with what I'm sure was mumbled banter but it doesn't matter. Plenty of head banging, almost good circle-pitting and leggy broads with hair-dos I'm sure haven't been in fashion for a while.

I wish they had played "Satan Spawn, The Caco Demon" but then again, they might've while I was trying to get illegal in the restroom - another source of hassles, sheesh! Next time dear readers, maybe I won't drink so much. That's a promise that lasts two days at best, and Deicide will trudge on. That's a good thing.

Critic's Notebook

Better Than: Nothing is better than Deicide. Well, a clean hooker might do the trick...

Personal Bias: I don't like being hassled.

Random Detail: I will establish a PayPal account for citizens concerned with my lack of mid-to-top shelf drinking.

By the Way: I will catch flack for the condition the SUV was returned in.