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Finding Flight MH370

I am getting rather tired of the endless news about this missing flight.

Even more tiring is the endless stream of conspiracy theories saying that the flight was abducted by aliens or that it flew through a time-warp or something.

I decided to take matters into my own hands and so for the last few days I have been scouring the area for bits of the plane. After all, they haven't a fucking clue where it went so it might as well have ended up here as anywhere else.

So for the last couple of days I have been quartering the local mountains and valleys, which in this weather is no picnic. But I feel I should do my bit.

I did meet with some success as earlier today I did indeed come across some wreckage which looked like it may have come from a Boeing 777, but on further inspection it transpired I had discovered a couple of supermarket trollies and a burned out Toyota Yaris.

I suppose you can't win 'em all?

And now I get home, soaked to the skin to discover that they now reckon it's in the southern Indian Ocean.

All those empty baked beans cans, all those discarded beer and coke cans, all those bagfuls of trash dumped at night in Coillte forest plantations…naw, the plane was crashlanded, probably by an insane pilot (not necessarily the official one) somewhere in the Pacific.The conspiracy theorists should have their words shoved up their noses.

The only element of conspiracy I believe at present is that some countries have withheld details about their searches for the missing plane because they don't want to reveal the extent of their naval and air surveillance activities in the South Pacific and Indian Ocean.