Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Contest: What has some man said to you that made your heart sigh, or made you snort in laughter? The most romantic and unromantic will win prizes.Oh...Virginia and CrystalGB are both winners of an autographed copy of Would-Be Witch. Email me at website address. christie (@) christie-craig . com

February is the month of love, chocolate, roses and red undies. It’s the month of whispered sweet nothings that will melt your heart . . . or one-liners that send you running off, snorting your Dr. Pepper through your nose because of the need to laugh at some man’s obnoxious, underhanded attempt to get you naked.

God love ‘em. Sometimes I think men were created just to amuse us and offer us something to talk or blog about. But girls, we gotta stop being so hard on them. Seriously, we all know that men just don’t excel at showing their emotions and in most cases, they’re even worse at putting those emotions into words. Now, this doesn’t mean we should stop laughing at them, but just give ‘em a little break every now and then.

I’m not saying that some men aren’t champions at talking their way into a woman’s panties--men who whose sweet words are meant to melt the bra hooks right off of us. But even if they are hound dogs, wanting just one thing, you have to give ‘em credit. A man who knows how to liquefy a woman’s heart with a good line is a man who has worked at his craft. He knows what a woman wants and how to deliver. Well, the words anyway; why, just because a man can deliver a line, doesn’t mean he can really . . . deliver.

Nor am I saying that ALL sweet nothings are spoken with ulterior motives. Once in a while a man may just have something sweet to say. I’m not going to attempt to guess the odds of that really happening, but it does happen.

However, even a few verbally talented men with ulterior motives are worthy of our affection. Face it, there are decent men who care about us, but still want to get us naked. I won’t lie, this pretty much describes my hubby, and probably ever romance hero I’ve ever given life to in my novels.

In my next book, Gotcha!, released in June, Jake Baldwin is always putting his foot in his mouth. And my heroine Macy is surprised he hasn’t lost a tonsil as he swallowed the dang thing. Like the time Macy, who is determined not to fall for Jake, tells the half-naked hero, “I’m not sleeping in this bed with you with only a thin pair of cotton boxers between me and your best friend.”

Jake just grins and says, “He could be your best friend, too.”

Macy’s always accusing Jake of being crude and God love that man but he thinks it’s a compliment. (And for that matter, don’t most men?)

Ahh, but you gotta love Jake, and Macy does. Why? Well, if we’d be completely honest with ourselves, we’d admit that we all would like our man to want to get us naked. We just want them to express it in a loving, less crass, from-the-heart manner. And to express it when we want them to express it—with the right words--and after they’ve taken out the trash and told us how special we are. (Hey, it doesn’t mean we’re difficult, we just know what we want.)

Why, my hubby has said a few things to me through the years that left me thinking I’d marry that man again in a snap. Then there are the times when I start to think that, but he goes and says/does something else that has me questioning if men and women aren’t two different species and should never hook up.

For example, this past week, the day before Valentine’s Day, he asks me out right. “Baby, you are so good to me. You name what you want for Valentine’s Day and it’s yours.” I think about it and tell him I want a coupon for $250 to use as a shopping spree before I go to upcoming writing conferences. He nods and says, “It’s yours.”

But when I get the homemade coupon, it reads. “To my love, $250 to use as you so see fit—and if you want to use it for bills or groceries, that’s okay, too.”

Ahh, but let me tell you, he’s said some very romantic things to me, too. Some of them have even brought a tear to my eye. About a month a go hubby came in and said he’d read something online that appeared in Women’s Health magazine that was so true " Every man wins the lottery when he gets a woman to love him" Hubby shot me a sweet smile and said, “I won the lottery.”

Just last night, Hubby came in and gave me a hug. It was a little tighter and lasted a little longer than usual. When he let go, he said, “When I pulled into the driveway, I saw our neighbor pull into his. When I got out of the car to walk into my house, I saw our neighbor walking into his. And it occurred to me that my homecoming was going to be heck of a lot sweeter than his.”

My neighbor’s wife died last week. Damn! I got a tear in my eye, both for my neighbor and for knowing hubby was genuinely happy I was here.

Yup, every now and then my man knows the right thing to say and do—not that he doesn’t manage to screw up sometimes. A couple of weeks ago when I read him my Valentine’s blog about what love was to me, the man cried. Seriously, he had tears in his eyes. My heart swelled with emotion, then he said, “Hey, you want to go upstairs? I have a rooster I want you to meet.”

I gaped at him. “That was so crude! How could…how could you say something so crass when you just got tears in your eyes at something sweet I wrote?”

His answer, “Well, that’s why I said it. You threatened my masculinity when you made me tear up, and I figure this helps me get it back.”

MEN! Can you see how all my heroes are created in his likeness?

Okay, so there you have it. What has your man said to melt your heart? What has he, or any man, said to you that made you snort Dr. Pepper through your nose?

I’ve got prizes for the most romantic sweet nothing and then the most unromantic. Both winners can choose from one of my novels, or if you have all those, I’m offering up Colleen Thompson’s novel, Head On or Gerry Bartlett’s novel, Real Vampires Get Lucky. Plus, there’s a little something extra. So, come on, play along.

I knew there wouldn't be a lot of romance in my future when my husband proposed by dropping a ring in my lap while driving down the freeway. Thirty-four years later we're still going strong. And, I've learned to appreciate the romance in the things he DOES - for instance, a few weeks ago I was having a girls only weekend at our country place - he knows I love showing the place off with the yard mowed, edged, raked, etc. - so, without telling me, he took a day off work, drove down and took care of the yard so that when my friends and I arrived that evening, everything looked great. His actions show his love in so many ways!

My husband used to ride professional rodeo(12 years) and while he is a sweet man, sometimes he doesn't think. One of the phrases I would hear him and his friends say to each other when they were hurt was "cowboy up" in other words get over it. Well he was with me when my horse stepped on and broke my foot and guess what he told me to do. I had never wanted to hit that man as badly as I did that day. Of course after he pulled his foot out of his mouth, he drove me to the hospital and then played nursemaid until I was well again. It's a good thing actions speak louder than words.

The sweetest thing he's ever said to me: "I love the way you think." Um, this has been used in various situations --just after he's read new pages from my WIP that really impressed him, just after a successful culinary project at the Soup Kitchen or --um--in the bedroom. [blushing like crazy here]

As for the worst, recently I was going out when he looked me over and said "You might want to check the mirror. There's um some hair." He looked meaningfully at my chest. I ran to the mirror and saw my dark brown top had some strings peeking out.I fixed it and said "What you scared your wife's spouting hair on her chest?"He grinned and said, "I was going to say that, but thought you might bean me with something."

So, I guess I'm training him or he's influencing me or something like that.

P.s. Just finished your Divorced, Desperate and Dating. Loved the way he calls her even though he's just in the other room. That was such a great way to build their relationship!

LOL! "Cowboy up?" I might have told him when he could put his boot and spurs. Okay, I'm joking, when hubby drove me to the hospital with what turned out to be a ruptured appendix, he just kept saying, "You're going under the knife. You're going under the knife." If I could have uncurled out of the fetal position, I would have hit him.

Awhh you have a great hubby, and I can see why you'd marry him over and over again.

The worst thing a man said to me was "do you like boxer, briefs or boxer briefs and do you want to see mine?" To which I just looked at him and said "excuse me?" I couldn't get out of there fast enough, what's worse is that was the first date--he had told me he'd never had a long term relationship and that certainly told me why.

HI Christie. I have a hubby who does quite well whispering sweet nothings most of the time. Then, at, say, Christmas, he might add: Would you like that new vaccuum cleaner you've been looking at?

Now - this is a nice question. And I did need that vaccuum cleaner. But I think we women should draw the line at household products that are for the benefit of all in the house (even though we're the only one who would use it, heaven knows)... as gifts.

Am I right?

What about those diamonds I'd also been looking at in the magazines? Huh?

LOL! Men! But the crazy thing is that men would love, LOVE, for woman to ask them, "Do you like bikini underwear or thong? And would you like to see mine?" This is probably every man’s fantasy. That’s why I say that sometimes I wonder if we’re not two different species and shouldn’t mate.

Great post! And, you know, sometimes it's not always what they say, but what they do. Like last week, I was having quite a morning with the kids. While I was bathing my 4-year-old daughter, my 2-year-old son was filling the toilet in the other bathroom with toys.

While I cleaned and disinfected those toys (yuk), my daughter was taking every stitch of clothing from her closet and mixing it in with dirty socks and wet towels. While I talked to her about how we don't do that, my son went downstairs and opened a dozen tea bags onto the kitchen floor. A spilled milk jug and a broken glass later, I was about ready to loose it.

My husband has an office at home and kept hearing snippets between conference calls, but could only watch, really. Lucky duck.

I left to take the kids to my daughter's gymnastics lesson and returned expecting to clean. A lot. Instead, the house was pristine. While we were away, Jim took time off work to mop the kitchen, clean both bathrooms, put away the now dry/disinfected toys. He did two (of the six) loads of laundry my daughter had created. What a guy.

And then he was surprised when I got all mushy on him. But I soooo needed that. When will men learn that housework is truly touching and sexy?

Most unromantic thing...I was in labor, getting my epidural. Due to the position, we were having problems. The nurse wanted me one way, the doc needed me the other. I was all for siding with the doc, but the nurse insisted I could somehow do something with my big belly--like make it go through my thighs to get my back arched. Anyway, nurse recruited Hubs to help hold me down in her wanted position so I could get my shot. Said position forced my belly against my spine and was all over very uncomfortable. Hubs had to bend over me a little to keep my shoulders down.

After, oh, I don't know 15 minutes by the time we got in position and got the shot and hubs could let go, he stands up, puts his hands on his lower back, stretches and says, "Geez, that killed my back."

Romantic thing of late, Hubs is pressing to get me a new computer for my birthday. I keep telling him no, that we don't have the money for and don't expect me to spend that much on his birthday. He keeps insisting because he, "doesn't know what else to get me." --oh wait, is that an unromantic thing too?

Cheesiest thing my honey has said to me: "Nobody puts baby in the corner."--when I was sitting in the corner of a booth and he couldn't sit next to me. (He'd scouted me out at a happy hour.) My friend fell over laughing at him.

Sweetest thing: "Just when I think I couldn't love you more, you do something that makes me love you more." That one was sweet. I liked that one. (And if he's quoting another movie, don't tell me.)

Since I'm still single, I'll have to submit an "unromantic" quote from a guy that I dated.

The guy had invited me over to his house for dinner. After we ate he proceded to tell me that before I got there he had gotten himself totally drunk because he was so nervous. Ok, I thought... That's kinda sweet in an odd way I guess. He's so nervous about impressing me that he got totally wasted.

Then after showing me some photo albums (We both have photography as a hobby) He tells me that he doesn't quite know how to tell me, but he "Doesn't know where he is right now." "He's questioning his previous relationships and not sure if he wants to get into another one right away." I found out later that he was in the process of deciding his sexual orientation and decided to he was more into men after that dinner.

How fun! I know there have been crazy times but I really can't come up with one right now (and that may be why we stay together, we focus on the fun/positive of each other).My husband has done the laundry almost from the start of our relationship. Our sons were surprised when they went to friends' houses and their MOMS were doing the laundry; no gender roles at our house. Whenever I see a group of women standing around my husband, I know they're asking for help because he can get stains out of anything.

One of the sweetest things he ever did: the Valentine's Day before he 'officially' proposed, he gave me a card with three conversation hearts on it. "My baby" "later on" "say yes." I still have the candies on a piece of the card and every Valentine's Day, my sons have to listen to the story again :) They also used to be confused about why their dad brought flowers home with the groceries most weeks (he grocery shops, too!). Now that they have girlfriends of their own, they're starting to understand.

I'm single also and believe me, I've met a variety of Creepers - that's what Christie and I call men who are the opposite of Keepers. Trust me, I could write a book about my dating disasters. Okay, actually, I DID write a book about it. Christie and I have a relationship/self help/humor book coming out next year called WILD, WICKED & WANTON: 101 WAYS TO LOVE LIKE YOU'RE IN A ROMANCE NOVEL. You'll appreciate some of Creeper Tales. LOL.

Faye (and Christie later), I'm so excited that Nina's having her baby!! Now we can have Grandma blogs, too.

I'm divorced, but I still have fond memories of really tacky and really romantic times. And I still love my ex - a WHOLE lot more since he moved 3 miles down the road. :-)

By the time Phil proposed, we'd talked about getting married for some time, so it was more of a 'when-we-can-find-time-to-plan-a-big-party,' thing. My mother was in town visiting and we were having lunch. Phil says "So, are we gettin' married or what?" Not to be outdown in the tacky department, I say, "On your knees, f***'r." To which he replies, "Not in this lifetime, sweetheart." By this time he and I were laughing so hard we were "spewing Dr. Pepper" as Christie would put it. My mother, of course, was appalled.

Plenty of sweet stuff in those years, too, though. One that stands out: Phil & I attended The Confederate Ball one year - a black tie, shee-shee affair. Very aristicratic and very southern - Scarlett could have learned a few tricks. Phil confiscated my dance card - and when I got it back, he'd filled in every dance with his name. He said it was the only way he knew to keep the most beautiful woman there in his arms all night.

We've been divorced since 1994, but I think I still have that dance card. :-)

Great post today. I'm laughing my butt off. Don't have many memorable moments, romantic or otherwise. The only one that sticks in my mind was when I was in my mid-twenties & at a bar listening to the band. A guy I'd seen there a couple times came over to me & said, "Nice legs. Do they go all the way up?" Yeah, I know, lame pick-up line but it was so corny I couldn't stop laughing. And he probably thought it was so clever.

My husband has a problem. He doesn't always think before he speaks, he has.. blurtitis.. (I know, this is rare) and he blurts out the first thing in his head without running it through the wash a few times. (ask me about Satan sometime)

Anyway, I had already had a partial hysterectomy and it was a year later that the rest of the parts had to come out. I was feeling a little upset at this, and he said "well damn, you're just losing all your feminine parts." Somehow he survived that incident.

But he does love me and every so often he shows me in a mushy way. One anniversary we were supposed to not spend much but he dragged out this huge, very heavy box for me to open.(our son dancing around excited since he was in on it).

Inside wrapped in lots of protective bubble wrap (hence the excitement for our son) was a gorgeous wall sculpture from a local artist of a woman tenderly holding a man called "Touched by a Goddess". He said that was how he felt.

I remember being at this party once where this guy came over and said, "Hi, you're so beautiful I just had to ask. Are you a model?" Talk about a corny come-on line! Of course, being a smartass, I said, "Why, yes, I am." He sputtered for a bit. LOL.

A quick baby update: Nina, Christie's daughter, had a baby girl around 5:15 this morning. Both are doing fine. Grandma (aka, Crime Scene Christie) is overjoyed and wants me to thank everyone for posting.

The Crime

The authors of this blog are hereby charged with writing Killer Fiction novels responsible for spontaneous outbursts of laughter in public places, uncontrollable swooning over larger-than-life heroes, and the deaths of countless fictional villains.

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