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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

After all the gorgeous HarryPotter cakes we've been featuring the past two Sundays, I figured we should tip the Wreckage scales back into balance.

[brushing hands off] Yep, that oughta do it!

Ok, one more:

Oh, good, they included the famous "three orange volcanoes" from the books/movies! Can't have a Harry Potter cake without those, now, can you?

What's that? There ARE no volcanoes - orange or otherwise - in the books or movies? Oh.

Well, then at least they have the big, green...smokestack? No...field! I think it's a field. That grows straight up. Er, because it's a "magical" land. Yeah.

[shifty eyes]

No?

Well, then, how about all those randomly scattered, teensy little photo circles of Ron, Harry, & Hermione? Now those really are "magical." [nodding earnestly]

What, those don't work for you either?

[frustrated sigh] Look, bub, it says "Harry Potter" on it in big frickin' letters. What more do you want? Now shell out the $21.50 and learn to deal, Ok?

Amy B. & Monique R., have you ever wondered who would win in a Harry vs Voldemort RAP BATTLE? Then watch this and find out. (And here's hoping I'm not the only one who thinks the Dark Lord's rhymes are way sweeter.)

I don't know about you, but that 3D background in the top right corner of the first one really sells that cake for me. But you don't really notice it because you're too busy trying to decide which ugly spell Harry got hit with.

You have to admit, at least the first wreckerator tried. The second looks like it was just slapped together.

I love the randomly placed circle pictures of Harry, Ron and Hermione on the last cake. lol! So weird. The cake would almost be good if: no circle photo things, no volcanos, no huge "Harry Potter" across the entire cake, and a mini Hogwarts beside the forrest.

C'mon people! CW#1 is clearly just Harry after Hermione put the stinging hex on him when the snatchers came to get them. I can totally tell because of those outrageously large lips (there really are 3, aren't there?) and nostrils. Duuuhhh! Now his powers include super human tasting and smelling skills - he can taste/smell anything within a 200 mile radius! Go Harry!

For sheer awkwardness, Harry Potter's personalized pastoral volcano scene is right on par with an episode of Popeye when Bluto was reading a Playboy magazine with a cameo picture of Olive Oyl's face on the cover.

Ok, so if the green is a field, then the blue must be water...so the orange cones must be safety rafts. I am not sure what the floating clouds could be. Wait. Ok so the blue is sky, and the white clouds, and the 3 giant safety cones...so the green must be the wall that signifies the edge of the earth. Or maybe it's the hole in the ozone layer.

First of all, thank you for bringing on the Harry wrecks!The first cake clearly shows Harry under the effect of the cruciatus curse. The second one... I'm going to make a stretch and say that's the giant squid's tentacles reaching up from the lake. Yeah, that's it.WV: grabso-an inappropriate spell used by cheeky wizards.

Scarily enough, I recognized this due to having used it for my kid's birthday a few years ago. The grocer-store decorator used the example cake photo as inspiration, and it wasn't that pretty a result, either.

And you know, it looks like cake #2 used that as inspiration - there seem to be orange volcanoes in it? And - ugh - there were in kidlet's cake a few years ago, too, now that I look back!

Someone mentioned Marauder's Map fdor cake #2. I agree! And the "volcanos" could be a quidditch tornament stand. And I think the wrecker was trying to make this cake 3-D by placing clouds over the lake... for a birds eye view. Or something. Cake #1, I am at a loss for words. That cake would be GORGEOUS except for Harry!

Thanks for your blog! Too funny. Now, one of two things (or both) is probably going to happen. 1) I am going to start making my own cakes, because seriously I can do a really horrible job all by myself for a whole lot less money and aggravation and 2) I am probably going to get fired for spending way too much time checking out your blog. This is great stuff!

The first one does remind me of Harry being hit by one of Ginny's Bat Bogey curses. But did anyone also notice the Puss in Boots eyes he's sporting there? The lettering and borders are really pretty though.

The second one...well, no words can even come close to describing what the wreckorator must have been thinking when they 'wreckorated' the cake. Really the only way people would know that it was a Harry Potter cake is the giant 'Harry Potter' scrawled across the middle and the strange little face disks. Why would someone ask to have 'Harry Potter' written through the middle of the cake instead of something like 'Happy Birthday' or whatever?

Harry Vs. Voldemort rap was awesome! Ol' Voldy had the better rhymes, but the Expecto Partronum was pretty sweet. I loved the end when Voldemort cast the Killing Curse on everyone and then wondered why he didn't do that in the first place. Too funny! Thanks Jen!

Now, y'all just don't GET it!The last BOOK is out, see?Harry is no longer a baby, a child, or a teen.He is all grown up. In fact, he's quite ELDERLY, now...And, he dyes his hair--all that publicity went to his head, and he's really quite vain.The mouth *issue* happened when this cake decorator caught him off-guard ("YO! Potter! Over HERE--SMILE!") and snapped the unfortunate photo, which was put into cake form, as you see before you (Exhibit A).Just so happened that poor Mr. Potter's dentures were slipping when the picture was taken.Happens to the best of us.=^--^=P.S. There is no Exhibit B. Be thankful.

You're all cruel people. Harry and Ginny got married and had children. This is one of their children. As you can see, he's a bit 'special' The other two were quite ordinary and unremarkable in every way. This is the only one that had adventures worth noting.

What's sad about the first one is, that apart from the horrible Harry (and the stand-ups really need to go, too) the decoration on the cake is just gorgeous! I love the colors, the swirly piped edge is so well done and the lettering is perfect. So what happened to the rest of the poor thing?!

Actually, I loved the heated HP book discussion on the first Sunday Sweet's post! In order to balance things out, I think we should all be on the lookout for John Steinbeck Cakes, James Joyce Cakes, and Jesus Cakes. I know they're out there. Go Jen Go!

Ugh, I remember seeing that first one when I did a Google image search on 'Harry Potter cakes' to see if anyone had done good ones. (Which, obviously they have :)) Poor, poor Harry, he looks like a white Steve Urkel. I wonder what the poor birthday kid thought of it?

Not sure what's going on with the second, though I'll agree with others and say it does kind of look like the grounds and lake outside Hogwarts. But the volcanoes . . . wow. Maybe the wreckerator got HP mixed up with Lord of the Rings and decided to draw Mordor and Mt. Doom.