London has been battered by 50mph winds that have felled trees and caused travel chaos. Powerful gusts swept across the capital as the Met Office issued a yellow "be aware" weather alert for most of the country.

Good news for the revolution: London's rich are fighting each other like rats in a sack. This time it's basement rage. One man's swimming pool makes him another's neighbour from hell. Celebrity is fighting celebrity, hedge-fund manager falling out with hedge-fund manager. Giant diggers are advancing along the stucco terraces of Westminster and Kensington like monsters in HG Wells's War of the Worlds. London's guts are being ripped out. Its water table is subsiding into a gigantic marbled sump.