An Old Man’s Hopes for 2012

Picking up where I left off before Christmas and proving once again that an old man can flog a theme within an inch of its life – some suggestions that would vastly improve our quality of life in 2012.

A Customer Service Renaissance

It used to be that if your television broke down you could call up the CEO of Magnavox directly and 3 days later a man in a smart blazer and jaunty bowtie would show up at your door with a replacement, an apology and a firm handshake.

But those days are long gone. Try to return a defective waffle iron these day and you either end up climbing some damned phone tree or dealing with idiotic counter help who just shrug their shoulders, snap their gum and send you to speak to “Chaz”, the 18-year old store manager with a pierced lip, pained expression and all the decision-making authority of an Edwardian stable boy.

Advances in Cryogenics

But not for the benefit of the elderly. Rather, I’d suggest we flash freeze young people, stuff them away in a meat locker somewhere and refrain from defrosting them until either I’ve died or someone has come up with a cure for dumbassery and sass mouth – whichever comes first.

The Return of Punctuation

I’m the first to admit I don’t always use my colon correctly but at least I make an effort to include punctuation when I write. These damned young people miss more periods than Michelle Duggar for Christ’s sake. Just once I’d like to read a comment from some irate young person that I could understand without use of a crack cocaine decoder ring.

More Choice in Creamed Food

I like the wheat and enjoy the corn but it’s time someone stepped things up a bit and broke out the cream of liver, creamed pork loin and cream of digestive biscuit.

Teen Beat Magazine

I’m not referring to teeny-bopper fodder full of dream date contests, I’m talking about hard-hitting photo-journalism with a focus on miscreant ear-boxing, hide-tanning and good old fashioned tongue-lashings.

Issue one: Joe Jonas gets his ass kicked.

New Commandments

Face facts, most young people can’t name more than 3 of the existing commandments and have broken the remainder before they’re out of training pants.

It would appear that if we’re serious about providing even the most basic moral compass to this generation we’re going to need to toss convention out the window and come up with new, easy to read commandments that come complete with winky faces, misspelled words and which all end in LOL (Laugh out Lord).

Things like “Thou Shal knot Fail. 😉 lol”

Limiting Displays of Public Affection

An old man can’t ride the city bus these days without being confronted by damned young people slobbering all over each other and making every one around them feel like an extra on a low rent pornographic movie set.

Public displays of affection should be limited to married couples and extend no further than the use of inoffensive terms of endearment, subtle elbow squeezing and occasional hand-holding.

Sensible Careers

It’s high time we brought back good old fashioned jobs like costermongers, spittleman, wheeltappers, pettifoggers, pig jobbers, quarrel pickers and knock knobblers.

American Barbershop Idol

Surely to God we’ve exhausted this nation’s supply of caterwauling nancy boys and are ready to bring some damned decent singing back to the national stage. Four part harmonies plus straw boaters equals toe-tapping, good clean family fun.

Cursive Writing

And I don’t mean swearing. I mean putting pen to paper. They may be able to text 80 words a minute but ask them write a sentence longhand and it comes out looking like something a chimp would produce with a pointed stick and mitt full of mashed blackberries.

The Power of Positive Gumption

All this new age, positive-thinking hokum smacks me as being the worst kind of bumph since Clark Stanley sold his first bottle of snake oil elixir back in 1893.

Positive thinking as a means to an end is like the American Dream – it’s fine in theory but really only helpful to those with good genes, rich families and access to a decent education. For everyone else – it’s sleight of hand and empty platitudes.

For 2012, instead of folks assuming they can set their life right with little more than a combination of visualizations, affirmations and positive mental brainwaves, I’d like to see people attempting to set reasonable goals and then achieving them through a combination of hard work, determination and the power of positive gumption.

Enjoy your New Year’s Eve but keep the damned noise down. I’ll be in bed by 9:30.

I’m rather disappointed that they tend not to feature anyone over the age of 19 as well. I’d like to see a 75 year old American Idol for a change – someone who can carry a damned tune, dresses sensibly and knows better than to thrust her damned “booty” all over the stage as a substitute for talent, substance or charisma.

Probably the worst thing we did to music was develop the music video. It has nothing to do with music and everything to do with theatrics. I don’t care what they look like, I care if they can perform good music.

Susan Boyle appeared on one of those ‘talent’ shows (for want of a better word) over here in England (that’s that little island to the right of America). She isn’t quite 75, but definitely on her way to a pension.

Although Susan Boyle didn’t shake her booty or anything, she was talented enuf for it not to matter. Just ain’t that way with the youngsters these days… They have to half dress to distract you from the fact they can’t sing… right, grandpa? 😉

Happy New Years, Don …… the more I read your posts, the more I’m convinced I was born in the wrong era. As a 28 year old, I agree with everything. Before reading your post, I was writing (in cursive) thank-you notes for my birthday and Christmas gifts received. In my humble twenty-something opinion, it’s a lost art. Cheers to 2012!!!!!!!!!

Amen on the pda’s (public display’s of affection). I’ve just found my 19 year old son downstairs with his girlfriend lying down together. They’ve been dating exactly four weeks, given each other ridiculous jewelry for Christmas presents and it’s just plain annoying. My rules are no lying down, and no hanging out in his bedroom. Not too demanding really but do you think they can handle these small requests? No. I would never in my wildest dreams have lay down with a boy in my mother’s house. Heck, i didn’t even have my first kiss until I was 18, and that was just because i felt like a loser and decided to bite the bullet and kiss the boy nearest me. It was not earth shattering by the way. Anyway, I am just sick of teens getting into relationships and acting like they are married after a week of dating. It’s stupid, irritating and seems just plain immoral.

It’s quite true – it is stupid and irritating as hell. Personally, I don’t care if they carry on like rutting boars but I’d appreciate not having to bear witness to it. I can’t sit down for a cup of coffee at the mall without witnessing all manner of groin-mauling, ass-clutching and dry-humping. It puts me off my damned danish.

The only acceptable circumstance for kissing someone in public is if they are returning from overseas military duty. Other than that, do us all a favor and keep your lips to yourself.

Not only that, but what happened to the idea that you were an adult, out on your own and responsible for your own actions the day you turned 18? The good old days when you could get in the business of whoever you wanted, without your old mom getting in your business. I spend a large amount of time at a local college for professional reasons and it drives me crazy seeing these full grown adults being treated like they are 12 years old. I see it nearly every day. I don’t know about anyone else, but I didn’t get an allowance when I was 22. Hell I stopped getting an allowance as soon as I was old enough to work, and under the table at that. Professors shouldn’t be calling parents to discuss attendance and grades. Part of being an adult is dealing with the consequences of your actions. If you don’t come to class and/or fail, you get what you get and deal with it. If you have to report to your parents, than so be it. But the faculty should have no part in that process. Sink or swim, you make your own choices. How are young adults supposed to function in the real world when their mommy and daddy are holding their hands and dictating their lives until they are at least in their 30’s?

Sorry, kind of got on a soap box there. I agree at 19 do what you want, as long as its in your own house. Even if you are just at your folks house for a visit you should be respectful and follow the same rules you did growing up.

Hell, I NEVER got an allowance and, from the moment I could walk, my parents used me as a source of free labour. The parents of the little brats in university these days have come to the school and buy their textbooks for them when they drop off their allowances and the latest “must have” clothes.

I grew up in 30’s and 40’s when men were really men and women were women. A surperior survival and work ethic, love of God and super sense of Patriotism and loyalty to America. When I grew up there was no welfare in my country village to help with anything, just parents and my 5 brothers digging in an learning the art of survival in many ways..I feel blessed growing up during these harsh depression and war years and feel sorry for our wimpy kids of today who are eager to listen to marxists and socialists and terrorists teaching in college classrooms like obama’s mentors william ayers and bernadine dohrn…god save america and I love your wiriting sir!

I was never any better with a semi than I was with a full blown colon itself. That’s why I tend to stick to en and em-dashes. I’ve always considered them to be multipurpose punctuation marks that are relatively free of rules around usage.

All the best to you for a very Happy New Year, Wendy. Always a pleasure to hear from you.

My father would run out into the street with a bucket and shovel to scoop the horse poop and then transfer it to his rhubarb patch. There’s nothing finer than rhubarb crumble – the king of puddings. And it keeps you regular. Not like this mass produced junk pap that today’s kids scoff. If they ate more rhubarb, they wouldn’t want to be wearing their trousers around their knees – they’d HAVE to wear proper trousers up to their waist with braces [I believe they may be suspenders to our American cousins]. Harumph.

I don’t go looking for them, I can tell you that much. It just seems like every time I step out of the house I’m confronted by some damned young person performing some manner of affront to old people. It’s an epidemic.

Happy New Year to you as well, Another Boomer Blog, and all the best for 2012.

At the kiddie psych hospital, I used to impose sentence-writing – cursive – for all sorts of offenses (100x -“I will keep my hands, feet, teeth and bodily fluids to myself…”). I also made them write thank you notes to their caseworkers for all the loot they got and letters of apology to those they wronged. Worked all kinds of rehabilitative wonders until the State Overseer Deities got wind of this miraculously effective therapeutic intervention, and informed me that it violated the youths’ “consumer rights.” Bah, humbug. I had to go back to namby-pamby therapy, and the kids went right back to their wall-punching shenanigans. I nominate you to chair the state board…

That’s a damned shame. Writing lines always seemed like an excellent sort of punishment to me. It reinforces the damned message, forces concentration, improves your handwriting and also gives you some time to calm yourself down. Perhaps if they were to do it in the form of some kind of chant it would be considered more therapeutic and less a violation of consumer rights.

I wish I had some damned consumer rights – I can’t get any satisfaction regarding this waffle iron. Businesses are like young people – once they have your money in their pocket you’re dead to them.

I appreciate the news flash and the Wikipedia-worthy summary of the history of cryogenics, lad, but you may have missed my point. I’m aware that we’re not freezing anyone at the moment (beyond a mitt full of homeless people who seem intent on jumping the cryogenic queue by having the audacity to sleep outdoors in the winter).

What I was suggesting is that we put a little bit of additional effort into turning this technology into something that has practical applications for the betterment of society in general and senior-hood in particular. It seems to me that the world is full of underutilized chest freezers and overheated young people – I’m just trying to find a way to bring the two things together.

I hope that clarifies, Elliot. Many thanks and all the best for the New Year.

I couldn’t agree more, especially with the part about punctuation. I don’t think I can go much longer without de-friending half of my friends on Facebook for that reason. Even though I’m only 27, I’ve just about had all I can take. Maybe 30 is the new middle-aged.

I believe that for the most part they are obsolete. The one possible exception might be the pettifogger which, if I remember correctly, is really just a fancy term for an unscrupulous lawyer. And there’s certainly no shortage of those running around.

Sir, I believe you missed a word here – making every around them feel like an extra on a low rent pornographic movie set.

Also, I agree with cursive writing. I read a study that said writing using pen and paper helps develop psycho-motor skills; which in turn jogs one’s memory. The problem with using spell check and the keyboard/keypad is that it makes proper spelling an after-thought.

Side Note: I’m looking up what a crack decoder ring is. No idea what it looks like or what it’s used for.

It was most definitely tolerable. In fact, it was borderline bearable and almost entirely acceptable. I chalk that up to the fact that I was relative free.

Thank you for pointing out the dropped word. I’ll make more careful proofreading a resolution for the new year. I’m not surprised in the slightest by the study you reference. It’s been a long time since I was a student but I seem to recall that the best way for me to commit things to memory was to write them down. In fact, it may have been the only way.

Good luck finding a crack cocaine decoder ring. I’m not sure that such a beast exists but if it does, please feel free to send one my way. I’ve received some unusual Christmas messages from damned young people and would appreciate knowing if they are wishing me the best of the holiday season or threatening to come over and kill my in my sleep.

Oh dear… Although I enjoy your posts, Mr Mills, I am deeply saddened by your blanket view of ALL young people as space-wasting creatures. I agree with much of what you say, but I can’t help but observe that the reason the current 15-30 generation is so overwhelmingly flawed is entirely the fault of parents, educators and – ultimately – governments (all governments without exception). After all, children are the product of their upbringing. I have the pleasure of knowing several young people (few, I admit, but even so) who are extremely polite, hardworking, respectful and a joy to be around. My New Year wish for you, is that you may meet at least one.

I actually have a met a few decent young people. (I like to think of them as the exceptions that prove the rule.) For the most part though, I stand by my observations.

I share your view that parents need to be held accountable for the state of the current young person generation. I’ve stated on many occasions that young people today have been raised on a steady diet of parental overindulgence and mollycoddling.

I’m less inclined to blame teachers, however. I feel that the role of the school is to educate not raise children and I’m always concerned when I see parents attempting to abdicate their responsibilities toward teaching discipline, manners and respect to the schools.

It seems to me that teachers would do a much better job, however, if they weren’t hamstrung by bureaucratic nonsense and a culture focused exclusively on individual rights. The issue for me is not the quality of teachers but rather the quality of our education system. Give teachers the freedom to strike a little fear into the hearts of children, instill some order and command the respect they deserve and our results may see some better results.

Many thanks for the comment, Scribedoll. Always a pleasure to hear from you. And all the best for the coming year.

I just came across you too…like your thoughts and of course I am white of hair so we grew up in a special time so that I like you am horrified at our shallow young people with their piercings and tatoos sometimes covering faces and limbs and huge ear piercings completed with a pig nose ring. What the hell is going on? When I was a dual diagnosis therapist years ago, these things were called red flags for very troubled juvenile deliquents..but the people observed today are adults moving into middle age…

You should list “Edwardian Stable Boy” as one of the careers to bring back. Every time I have to pull up a stool to mount my steed instead of having the Edwardian Stable Boy get on his hands and knees so I can step on his back, I get a little choked up. A stool can’t clean your horse’s hooves while it is down there. A stool can’t pick up stool. A stool can’t… aaah don’t get me started…*sniff*

It would be nice to see the Edwardian Stable Boy make a return. Unfortunately, while a good number of young people today may be qualified for the job, I suspect they’d be unlikely to take it. It’s difficult to text while on your hands and knees and with someone standing on your back.

If I’m not mistaken, Joe Jonas is closing in on a well-preserved 30, theoretically making him “ineligible” for the pages of Teen Beat. I can’t really be sure of his exact age as a.) his parent company and tween idol development lab, Disney Corporation, has been less than forthcoming as to his original “spawning” date and b.) it seems like Los Hermanos Jonas have been around for frickin’ ever.

Of course, Teen Beat never shied away from posting pull-out posters of the supposed teens of “Beverly Hills 90210” back in the day, so maybe just portraying a teen is enough to keep your rapidly aging face and “stylish hairdo” appearing between ads for body spray and horrible sexual advice written in multi-color Comic Sans.

Still, this is no reflection on your excellent writing, Don. You make several good points and solidly (and verbally) backhand the supposed “future of America/the world” week after week with alarming consistency. It’s enough to make one wish they took their own blogs more seriously, rather than periodically abandoning them before eventually dumping them completely, like some sort of serial deadbeat blog dad.

I’m not sure about that Jonas lad either. I saw his name on a magazine cover at my chiropodist’s office so I assumed he was old news but it was either him or Davy Jones and I was fairly sure that the Monkeys were all in their 70s by now (not that they still don’t deserve a damned kick in the ass too).

In stitches about what young people have in common with Michelle Duggar.

Having recently done a lot of hospice care for a great-aunt who is probably much older (but a lot friendlier) than you, I second your call for a better range of creamed foods. I had to put her chicken noodle soup and cream chipped beef in the blender, and then she even started to refuse jello unless I had pre-mashed it prodigiously with a fork. Life certainly could be made easier for you folks who want to retire from chewing – what a pesky enterprise it is.

Glad to hear you’re tending to your great aunt – I’m sure she appreciates you stopping by to liquefy her chipped beef. I’ll have to remember the idea of putting my chicken noodle in the blender, up until now I had just been working it over with a wooden spoon and straining it through a pair of my wife’s old pantyhose. A fairly strenuous workout.

All the best for the coming year and many thanks for stopping in to visit.

I’m no Rex Morgan M.D. but I believe the two are intrinsically linked. You can’t have sass mouth without first contracting dumbassery. And while it is possible to have have dumbassery without also having clinical diagnosis of sass mouth, it usually follows in short order.

All the best for a very Happy New Year Pegoleg. And congratulations on your recent “freshly pressed.”

Dear Don,
I was in the grocery line during Christmas (egad) a young girl in line in front of me looked as if she had just gotten out of bed in her partial pajamas and come to the store. She was a mess. Her belly uncovered, her fat rear end hanging out, her hair looked like she had just been plugged into a socket wet, nasty expression on her face – like she had just eaten a bowl of prunes. When I was that age, there isn’t a woman around who wouldn’t have said
“Get yourself back home and put on some clothes before coming back!”. But now, we , the
politically correct people that we have become have shirked our duty by just standing there and not saying anything to these ignorant, sloppy kids. What happened? Have we become too afraid to point a finger anymore? Obviously someone is not teaching proper manners, or just common dressing skills. I think its time to clean house again, get these kids back on track and teach some decency, but it might be easier to lock them in the freezer.

A disturbing tale but one that is all too common these days. Half the young people I see nowadays seem to be dressed in slack pants or pajamas – it’s like they’re too damned lazy to do up button or tug a zipper into place. The only time I ever wore my pajamas past 8 a.m. was when I was in hospital – and even then it was under duress.

They really are a damned sloppy generation. As my dear wife Aggie used to say, they look like they’ve been rode hard and put away wet. Disgraceful.

Mr. Mills, I would like to nominate you for President. Perhaps someone like you could bring some sense and sensibility to damn young people everywhere! You could also post the New Commandments on the steps of the Capital Building, but I suspect most damn young people wouldn’t even know where the Capital Building was located.

Haha! That “so” crap makes me want to punch little girls in the head. Of course, THAT’S illegal now too. Used to be a time I’d smack a kid as a way of being polite, say if my mouth was full or something like that. Now I just avoid them all. Stinky little whiners. They’ll call the cops over anything. Last time I kicked a little boy- purely out of reflex- I was the one got scared! This world has gone to pot. I’m just glad I got addicted to heroin when I did.

I must confess that I haven’t noticed the issue of sentences starting with the word “so.” Probably because most of the emails I receive from damned young people don’t come in the form of actual sentences. Rather, they’re just a string of words that seem to commence in the middle of a thought and then run on indefinitely in six different directions at once.

I spent two hours at the local mall during my ASL meet and sign. Numerous young folks wandered by and I could not find one dratted set of them involved in swapping spit. In fact, most of them were fairly well groomed, the boys were hanging out with the boys, the girls were hanging out with the girls. And some of them were simply there to take their lunch break before going back to work at one of the shops in the mall. Maybe you should relocate. Then again, you’d not have the right fodder for your articles. (evil grin)

Thank you for your efforts but I remain suspicious. It’s quite often the well-groomed ones with apparently good manners that are the most dangerous. They’re simply lying in wait for us old folks to let our guard down.

Dear Mr. Mills,
This crop of young people is entirely out of order. It wouldn’t be entirely wrong to gather the lot of them around and ship off, en masse to the nearest Army recruiting station. I’m sure nice staff sargeant can help straighten them out, what with experience, a heavy weaponry at hand, and a can-do attitude towards miscreants.
This way we could focus on the upcoming young people and their upbringing. There’s some hope for them yet if we act quickly!
Perhaps the Senior Center could offer parenting classes to the current breeding generation? I’m thinking we should start with what worked, not what’s clearly a current failing system.
Educators hand-picked by Mr. Mills would comprise this newfound Mills Academy, soon spreading across the nation, making America once again the respected home of the brave. Not to mention diligent, and an envy of all other nations once more.
With dreamy regards,
PolishSpring

As long as the nearest military recruiting station isn’t within a safe 600 mile radius of my wee home I’d be entirely in agreement. As for the parenting classes, I’ve recently enlisted the assistance of my sister, Erin, and a few of the more stern and seasoned ladies at the seniors center to help me in preparing a number of illustrated child-rearing guides for damned young parents. Hopefully, they’ll be ready sometime early in 2012.

All the best to you PolishSpring for a very happy and healthy New Year.

I’d like to help you out, lad, but I misplaced my slide rule and Gilbert Chemcraft Chemistry set years ago. Besides, I was never particularly strong in science.

I’d wager, however, that there are teams of young people who are actively working to solve this particular riddle as we speak. Seems to me that most young people are fascinated by the notion of making their asses multifunctional, multi-purpose objects.

I’ll leave it to your peers to figure this one out, itchmeyer. Not only are they interested in their asses, but most already have their heads up there so they won’t have to travel much to do the research.

In the interim, you may want to check YouTube. Chances are that someone of your generation has already posted an initial hypothesis.

I’d pay good money to see this “Barbershop Idol” of which you speak. Americans should learn that singers used to be full-bodied men with glorious moustaches and sonorous voices; not a bunch of prepubescent, shrieking chimps.

I could say the same thing. In fact, I would say the same thing but there’s a strong chance I won’t need to wait much longer than the end of next week for all of my enemies to be dead. The few I haven’t already outlived are in their late 80s or early 90s and likely won’t make it past the next heavy snow storm.

Dadgummit, Don, I don’t see how you could be more right with these thoughtful suggestions. I, for one, would enthusiastically contribute time and money to any organization that would freeze-dry these pointless whippersnappers wholesale. Since it’s highly unlikely that we’d ever come up with a cure for dumbassery we could look forward to many more stress free years than we now face. I mean just cutting down on the number of these pissants that trample my lawn on a daily basis would alone be worth the “price of admission”. And I don’t think it would be much of a hard sell to convince a vast majority of these numbnuts to get cryogenisized, most of them being a few fries short of a happy meal to begin with.

Keep up the great work. I look forward to more insightful essays from you in the coming year. Happy New Year!

Oh, Don, I think I found a few of those kids tonight. It was very odd. One was kicking a door shut at the mall – God only knows why. I walked up behind her and said in my sternest mother voice, “Young lady, what ARE you doing?” She spun around, turned red, and stammered, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry… I … I…” and I opened up the door, held it for the young lady with the baby carriage and continued to give the other young woman “The Look” which my mother perfect on me. There was quite a gaggle of girls in their late teens or early 20’s swirling around and then they bolted for the parking lot. A fellow at the other end of the hall said, “Hey, you’re good at that.” It is a gift, what can I say?

I still can’t believe that a state actually said they no longer had to teach cursive. I still perfer pen to paper any day. And I swear I will teach my son cursive if I have to take a ruler to his hand till he gets it.
I also don’t think anyone should be a manager till their over the age of 30. These 18 year old managers don’t know anything and are rude little pieces of donkey. I don’t have a problem with tattoos but I believe they should be put somewhere they can be easily hidden.

Not all eighteen year old managers are rude. Blanket slamming age groups only make you as a writer seem prejudiced and distracted. Just thought I’d throw that in there. Any eighteen year old that makes it to “manager” status clearly had put in his/her time to deserve such title. Additionally, if a company closes their eyes to how such staff might be rude or ignorant to a customer, then it is the fault of the company for allowing such behavior to occur. There’s nothing a professional letter to the company can’t fix. And if it doesn’t get resolved? Don’t shop there.
Feel free to pick at my ideas as I have yours. My intentions are not to say that I am right but negotiate with a different point of view. Thanks.

Dear Don,
Sorry to be so tardy in commenting on another of your excellent posts, but I’ve had to spend 3 days lying in a quiet, darkened room to recover my fragile equilibrium after my horrendous experience when I tried to complain to a major multinational company whose logo is a fruit of the genus Malus.

I’m afraid when I found out I would have to PAY good folding money to be awarded with a customer ‘help’ number my blood pressure spiked to such an alarming extent that my good lady wife had to escort me to the aforesaid darkened room, so I completely agree with you regarding the deterioration of so-called customer services.

As regards the rest of your points; spot on.

I have found however that a visit to the baby food section of the supermarket can fulfil many of your requirements reagrding ‘creamed’ foods. My paricular favourite being Heinz’s Baby’s Christmas Dinner. I’ve never seen creamed digestive biscuits yet, but I live in hope.

Keep up the good work, telling it as it is (to quote one of my pupils).

I really enjoy the post, you bring to light something that I feel the younger generation(s) have forgotten: common sense. And I can’t agree more with the sloppy clothes issue posted earlier. If I want to see underwear, I’ll look in my dresser (and people wonder why they can’t get a job).

Customer service does leave a lot to be desired, and a lot of room for complaining. Not only that, but everything is cheap crap that you can’t fix yourself. I remember when I was a boy whenever our television set was busted my old man would either beat into submission with a beer bottle, disappear to the garage with it for a week, or as a last resort, haul it down to the repair man down the street. That repairman was no Geek Crew corporate chain nonsense either. You walked in the front door of that shop and it was a small, dark brown room with piles upon piles of electronics. I never did get to see the old repair man, he was always hidden behind a wall of televisions. The only evidence he was there was the cloud of cigar smoke, incoherent mumbling and the low banter of a baseball game on the radio.

Secondly, none of these companies want to fix their own cheap crap. I own a nice General Electric dishwasher, only about two years old. Recently I had a small, easy to replace part break on it. I called them up to order a new part, but all they wanted to do was try and sell me a entire new dishwasher. Rather than simply replace a twenty cent piece of white molded plastic, they honestly tried to convince me it would be more economical to replace the entire device. The sad part is the damn crooks were right. For how much they charge for a new part, I could buy an entire new dishwasher. A perfectly good piece of machinery, gone to waste over one little cheap piece of plastic that cant be repaired or replaced. That speaks volumes about our society. I also learned something else mind shattering through this episode; my dear wife who is slightly younger than me (only by five years, nothing weird), never had to hand wash a dish in her entire life. I had to show her how. Traditionally this would be one of the pre-qualifying factors before moving forward with marriage, but times change, details get missed.

Speaking of cryogenics, when are we going to try to revive Walt Disney? It’s high time we have some decent children’s material produced. Enough of this Hannah Montana, Selena Gomez junk. Thats not Disney. Disney is Mickey Mouse, Goofy, Donald Duck and the rest of gang. A good friend of mine recently took his children to Disney. He told me none of the children there recognized any of the traditional characters. They all went crazy for Dora the Explorer and some other characters I have never heard of. But when Mickey came by, he was met with complete disinterest. It’s sad really. It didn’t seem like that long ago Disney pretty much owned the world. Everything new they put out now gets booed right out of the theater. Proof is in the fact that to make a couple bucks, they are reshowing movies that are at least twenty years old. First it was Fantasia, then Lion King, now Beauty and the Beast.

I will have to admit, when I first read “New Commandments”, my brain processed it as new condiments. I spent at least a few moments trying to figure out what was wrong with good ole Ketchup, mustard, relish and mayo. You have to admit, thats one nice thing about the modern world, our vast choice of condiments. Not only are the traditional favorites still widely available and used, but you also have Franks Red Hot, ranch, bbq sauce, salsa and tons more to choose from. They only problem is when you take the Mrs. out for a nice meal and everything on the menu is covered in some type of honey chipotle wasabe garlic infused mandarin chutney slop. No thank you.

And here’s what to do to accept the award:
a. Write a post accepting the award and show the award’s picture.
b. List seven random and weird facts about yourself – things that probably haven’t already come up in your blog posts.
c. Pass the award on to 5-15 other blogs, ones that you already follow or for which you solicit invitations.

I agree that young people can be a little rediculous. Every generation seems to be developing a new culture of people that tries to break even more norms than the generation before. I am a young person, not in my teens but mid-twenties, who gets frustrated at the same things you do, maybe not the creamed foods part, but the frustration you voice about upcoming generations. Instead of complaining, I will just read your blog and laugh out loud (lol) at your rants that are all too honest and true. Oh by the way, I am a young person full of gumption who attends church regularly.

Don, your indictment on my generation strikes true in a lot of cases. And would apply to me in a lot of cases as well. It may be time to grow up and throw away the xbox 360. 😉 You remind me of my grandpa before he passed away. Anyway, entertaining read.

Thank you for a good laugh on this fine Sunday morning. There should be a grumpy old man’s preparation society that meets monthly. One in every town, in every nation. I can’t wait another 10/20 years to start complaining about young folk, I want to practice now dammit!

I suppose, just for old-times’ sake, that I’d better include York in that as well.

I trust that you are well, and that your old nemesis Al Z. Heimer hasn’t yet caught up with you. Similarly, I hope that York was coaxed out from under the porch for long enough to celebrate Christmas and the New Year, and that the rope burns are now gone from his wrists.

Cursive? What are you even talking about. They taught us that in first grade, then our school decided it was no longer of any use and we switched to using keyboards. And punctuation? But we type how we speak! There is no time for breath during our sentences goddammit.

Also, I am pretty certain there is a direct (negative) correlation between the attractiveness of a couple and the amount of affection they show in public.

Public Display of Affection – Have you experienced and lived in other countries where the culture encourages PDA? Culture plays a large roll in developing beliefs and opinions.

My peers and I were told in elementary school that cursive handwriting is prominently used in the real world. Now, having been out of college for quite some time, it seems to me that it’s a style of writing that is becoming outdated due to our media saturated culture.

I agree with you on the cursive, the only person that I know to use it is my grandmother and my mother in law. There is no real benefit of using cursive except to make the economy sucking immigrants have to learn to read both styles of writing. (Kind of makes me want to use it more…)

You can not post more than one happy, cute, or uplifting pin from Pinterest per day on your Facebook account. Or you have to pay one dollar to everyone who leaves a comment like STFU or likewise to your Pinterest share.

I agree with mostly everything and without reading the comments I would like to suggest a solution to 90% of the problems you listed: Parenting. And by parenting, I mean two able and willing adults who will not give in to the attitudes or back talk of their grubby little brats. I am a proud twenty-something without any hickies, iPods, or anarchist idols and owe it to my realistic father who only had to make a face at some chum for me to agree with him. I want you to know that there are those of us who are down right embarassed of our similar-aged-counterparts and we do our best to break our assigned titles. Then again, if you were to read my last blog post I you might think that I am a little ahead of my time (I guess). Thank you for voicing your opinion on this matter, the young parentless world needs you.

Well, Don. Thanks for the laughs. Just stumbled upon your site and it’s making me laugh. And I love laughing becausec I love being happy! Life’s too short to be anything but happy and I appreciate your hustle at helping a girl out. (Please note all my proper punctuation because I, too, appreciate a properly placed comma.)

Instead of taking shots at people and blaming the youth for societies problems, how about you try and actually say somethig constructive? You wonder why we don’t care what old people think of us. Stop watching fox news while you are at it.

After reading this blog post even though it’s old I felt I needed to comment. I don’t agree with what you and alot of the people who commented have to say. I am currently seventeen years old and in twenty days I will be graduating and moving out on my own. I think you have generalized to much on your blog and I beg to differ. I had my first real job when i was twelve working for a seed company every summer until I was fifteen and then a got working at a grocery store and have had it ever since. I also feel you should know that I memorized the twelve commandments when I was younger and still know them today. Also as crazy as it seems I know the whole alphabet in cursive and sometimes use it to do my school work. About the public displays of affection that’s not all young people, I dated a boy for a year and we only kissed once and it wasn’t in public. I think you need to realize that young people are not as bad as you think they are. One last thing, I would gratefully appreciate it if you would comment back so I would know if my English and punctuation is good enough for you to be able to read this. Thank you for taking the time to read my thought on your post.

I am with you on bringing back cursive writing and may I add proper spelling! I will admit that I often spell things wrong but anyone under the age of 20 can’t spell much more than their name. The frustrating thing about this is that the invention of spell check caused this but they never use it!!

Well friend…I think I am comment #118. You’re a damned celebrity! I was reading your rant about wanting more choices in creamed foods…liver, pork loin, and such. Baby, you just need to get yourself a can of that Devil’s Ham or Potted Meat. My mom used to feed it to me when I was a younger. But, as fate would have it, one of my friends came over and informed me that my scrumptious, titillating treat was nothing more than a can of lips and assholes. And I know she was right… Just a can of pig’s, cow’s, and fowl’s lips and assholes. In reflecting, my mother must have hated me or something. She also fed me Spam and those nasty Vienna Sausages (also lips and assholes). So you may want to steer clear of the creamy meats, my friend. Just a tip from someone who cares. ❤

On the topic of freezing people: the cells in the body would expand due to the water content and would destroy it. Thereby the person once defrosted would be liquified. You do know this right….RIGHT!? It’s almost you have a problem with young people and would want this to happen :O

I’ve written in cursive since third grade. Now, at 25, I’ve had an issue with it for the first time. I became an intern at a law office.

A lot of the forms that have to be filed with the State explicitly demand print writing. At first, I complied. My print handwriting looks like baboon scratches. One day, I accidentally filled them out in cursive, out of habit. They went through.

Of course, I wasn’t surprised. The government rarely means what it says.

Being a young-blood in today’s society, It pains me to see how detached everyone is in my generation. It seems we have adapted the viewpoints of “it won’t happen to me” as well as “I don’t care, it doesn’t affect me directly.” Stupid. All of them are stupid. Maybe if more people gave a shit about anything, we would be advancing quicker as humans (i.e. Cryogenics) but instead we sit here, face fucking our iphones, only caring about our monetary status in today’s social hierarchy and not how to help the generations of tomorrow.

I have to say, I really enjoy reading your posts. They’re smart, they have humor are though provoking and I agree to pretty much everything. I got here when I was looking for some ideas on what to give my uncle for his birthday. I did get some nice ideas, but it’s still hard, we’re not that close, him and I.

But back to the topic of this post, the one I’m commenting on, which I’ll do by topic. I remember when customer service was better, was actually /customer service/ and not another way to just get more money out of people that just need help with something. No ‘how many cents a minute’ calls where they keep you in hold forever and you end up paying for simple help.

I’m turning 25 in three months, I don’t consider myself a full adult yet. It doesn’t come with age, it comes with wisdom and knowing how to, well, live. But I know i’m not a kid anymore, yet when I look around i’m seriously disappointed with what I see around me, too. I’m pretty sure you’re not the only one that wants to just freeze some people up and hope for a cure for Dumbness.

And Punctuation, yes. I’m Dutch myself, and I often look around and wonder how it is that some people can’t even spell the most simple words. (In Dutch) Because I can understand a second language that isn’t your own being difficult. And when they can properly spell out words, they get their punctuation all wrong. Quite frustrating.

And magazines? I stopped looking at those ages ago, they’re filled with crap, trying to change the ideals of every person that buys one, trying to warp their mind to either buying something or thinking something that they want. Which is a pity, because I had hoped to work for a magazine in the future, being a student that is hoping to become a Digital Publisher.

Now the religion part, I don’t know the commandments, and I probably never will. To me, Religion is something everyone decides for themselves. It’s not up to me to choose who believes what, all that should matter is whether you’re a good person or not. Be good to others and to yourself, don’t steal, and so on and on. But religion always seems a sensitive topic to people, I’ve never known why that is exactly.

Public affection, yes, I really wish people would turn it down a notch. I don’t want to watch someone stick their tongue down another’s throat, not in public. Though I think times are changing, bit for the best and some for the worst.

And music? Good music is out there, though so many people don’t look away from what they’re fed on TV or the Radio to see it. Thousands of little bands are around that I’m sure would fit your tastes, but they just don’t make it ‘Big’ because there’s not enough nakedness, or not enough sexiness about them for them to make it to the TV.

I can not write nicely, I too, am used to typing, am spoiled with the correcting wonders of my laptop that stop me from misspelling every word I put down. Though it has always been that way, so I for one am glad pen and paper aren’t used as much anymore. Everyone will be able to read my words, and I make less mistakes than usual. (Though there will always be something romantic about written letters)

Positive. Always stay positive, that’s my own motto. It’s not always as easy, because life isn’t easy. But in my opinion, isn’t it better to try and see the good of things, instead of being brought down by all the bad?