Ladyboy Lives | Bella

Having seen the video you may be shocked at what happened to Bella and sympathise with her.

I know I do.

But do you feel that what happened to her is indicative of a broader theme? I am referring to the way in which Thai society and the Thai government regard Ladyboys. At best they are afforded sympathy for being born into a kind of ‘nether world’ between genders and despite Buddhist writing suggesting that in one incarnation we all, even the Buddha himself, will be or has been a kathoey, Buddhist monks try to teach kathoey how to be ‘men’. Is Bella’s suffering just one example of the disproportionate numbers of kathoey raped, beaten and murdered in Thailand?

The UN Thailand report on LGBT issues noted that:

Homosexuality is no longer considered a mental illness by the Ministry of Health; however,transsexuality is still pathologized.

Legal and policy reform is seen as difficult both because lawmakers tend to be conservative, and because the constitution and country’s laws are seen as sacred.

Although there is no overt persecution of LGBT people, Thai society does not wholly accept sexual and gender minorities. Attitudes towards LGBT individuals can be somewhat tolerant as long as LGBT people remain within certain social confines.

There is a lack of understanding about the specific struggles and needs of LGBT people. Arguably, the greatest and often most important struggle that a Thai LGBT individual faces is that of family acceptance. Being respectful to the wishes of one’s parents and upholding a family reputation is fundamental to how a Thai individual conducts their life, which can run counter to those with a sexual orientation or gender identity that do not conform to social norms.

There are moves to change laws and stem the ‘tide’ of violence against transgender people in Thailand but without any, as far as I can see, statistics or evidence (apart from several notable cases) to prove it exists or at least to prove that transgender people are more commonly victims than either genetic males or females.

I believe Bella considers the terrible thing that happened to her as an individual act of unspeakable violence rather than an example of the way transgender people are targeted. Not once did she speak in terms of her gender being a triggering factor. The man was known to her and he may well have been aware that she was a kathoey noi and feminine in appearance and behaviour but we cannot know this with any certainty.

Statement like those would be considered as either heresy or ‘hate speech’ by a significant number of LGBT individuals and organisations in the west, where simply saying it is so should be enough!

There is no burden of proof upon the apparatchicks of non binary gender. #webelieve

The lack of understanding about LGBT struggles is understandable surely but unfortunately what begins as an ‘observation’ in an NGO report will soon become a set of directives handed down by a government body to educators, policy makers, social health managers and the police.

A failure to perceive the struggles of LGBT people in the familial context is a ‘hate crime’.

‘You asked (insert non binary pronoun) what her father thought about (insert non binary pronoun) being a (sic) ‘ladyboy’.

You are looking at serious gaol time!

However_________

One of the things I like about Thai people and ladyboys in particular is that despite the glaring gap in rights and freedoms between them and transgender people in the western world, Thai ladyboys are not constantly whining about the patriarchy or the oppression they suffer.

They do not consider themselves victims and follow the false narrative so well trodden by almost every non-white, non-hetero group in existence.

While Thailand could be accused of a draconian approach to individual rights it’s leaders often make sense.

any state worth living in seeks to preserve what makes it successful and it’s traditions and culture are almost the DNA of that success.

I have no feelings either positive or negative regarding homosexuality but I have noticed the burgeoning weight of media influence to accept homosexual relationships as the ‘norm’ over the last several decades. it is probably a little difficult to find a TV show that does not have a gay character or theme. It’s as if, not content with being granted equal rights, Hollywood and international media outlets are trying to insist that being gay is actually far better in every way than being heterosexual. As a man in what most people would consider a gay relationship I do not feel the need to convince anyone that my way is the best way.

Thailand is slow to offer equal rights to transgender people because it still has an interest in tradition and native culture. The culture is slowly being eaten away of course and Songkran is a good example of that. Just like at Christmas, rampant commercialism has degraded and denigrated Songkran into a water pistol fight. While I am pro-free markets and capitalism especially that which allows individuals to flourish and improve their lives, should there be some brakes placed on the way tradition, history and culture are altered forever and often not for better?

I don’t have the answer. But I enjoy the way culture is alive in Thailand and would not wish to see it damaged.

Equal rights for our girls in Thailand will come but without the political ideology working Thai ladyboys like so many puppets I don’t see them trying to insist on quotas or any other form of state intervention in the way people think.

It goes without saying that we all want ladyboys like Bella to enjoy equal rights and never to suffer discrimination but Thai ladyboys would probably be among the first to say that they don’t want to damage their own culture and traditions in order to achieve those rights. They know big changes take time and do not simply happen in isolation but rather echo across the entire social and political spectrum.

That is what separates most Thai people from their western counterparts who seem to want nothing greater than to tear down their own society and watch it burn.

12 Comments

I was chatting to a ladyboy last night and what she said illustrated well the point you made about prostitution despite it being a pretty brutal way to make a living. The ladyboy in question spoke unusually good english and was beautiful and self confident which I think would allow her to earn exceptionally good money. Interestingly she is not from Issan but Bangkok born and bred. I think she is only the second bar girl I have ever spoken to who was actually born in Bangkok and not the poorer provinces. She told me that until three yeas ago she was working in a factory earning 12000B a month. She started working as a bar girl and now owns a condo and has just traded in her Honda Civic for a brand new Toyota Fortuna SUV. I don’t know how much of that is all on credit and/or sponsors etc but still pretty amazing. After she finishes working at the bar she saunters down to the car park to drive back to her condo! Hardly the downtrodden third world prostitute. My car is over 10 years old FFS. Her english really was way better than normal and I suspect this makes a big difference but still an eye opening example of what the smart girls can do.

Bella’s ordeal was absolutely horrific. She seems to have managed to survive and get on with her life thankfully. I wonder how common this type of violence is against young ladyboys. They must be very vulnerable at that age.

Is this only the first part of the interview as it seemed to end abruptly?

I think there are some who hang on to their cash and/or buy property. Most do not but that’s just the same in mainstream jobs. These girls have no boss, no bullshit and as long as they hang tough through the lean periods they can make more money than they would in most other work. A ladyboy who is an online hooker told me a few days ago that she always sees the guy’s picture and chats by video call before meeting him. If he is not to her taste she declines. I asked her how often she did that and she said not often. Most guys are fine, she said. Kinda explodes the myth of men who come to Thailand being too fat, ugly or decrepit to find a woman in the west doesn’t it? Part two is coming up soon!

Great Video Very sad for Bella she will never forget what that peace of shit did to her Bella seems ok now she has had a very hard life well done to you Bella for telling us your story looking forward to more take care.

Mark, I did not know she was going to tell me that. I was as shocked and surprised as you probably were. When she finished I had to stop the video and give her a hug. Bella is a bit physically closed off, no doubt due to those awful events but she is a trooper, really. I am sure it is pretty common especially in the provinces.

I just watched the video interview with Bella. Truly fascinating to listen to her and truly sad to listen to the part of the attack on her. She indeed seems to be a very smart and articulate girl who is a realist. There are many things I wish to comment on but will keep it short. All of my comments would be great about her and the interview just to be clear about that. My last point is about your comment at the end of the article. You are so right that in many western countries any person who deems themselves to be different wants to rewrite societal rules to make everyone the same and miserable instead of embracing their differences and celebrating who they are. Yea, the ladyboys there have it right from the articles I have seen. Thanks for sharing a great interview with a beautiful girl

Kenz, it is a facet of Thai culture that is really admirable particularly regarding ladyboys who never try to convince anyone they are authentic women or complain about their lot despite it being far more difficult a life than in the case of western activists!