Now AAP demands bailout package as Delhites vote for heavy subsidy on paneer and makeup-kits

Jantar-Mantar, New Delhi: After AAP’s recent internal referendum results were out last night, senior AAP leader and party’s analytical think-tank Dr. Kumar Vishwas held a Google+ Hangout session and informed media about recent set of demands made by people of Delhi. Dr Vishwas said-

“Out of the people surveyed in the internal survey, a shocking 50% of the people (35 out of 70 surveyed) have requested a heavy subsidy on paneer, butter, curd and other dairy items. More than 50% of the people of Delhi have also requested for heavy subsidy on lipstick, kajal, eye-shadow, eye-liner, botox injections and other make-up accessories.”, he said.

Happy Housewife on being Paneer and Lipstick subsidized. She eats both daily.

Dr. Vishwas further continued, “To fulfill these demands as per our estimates, we hereby instruct the central government to release an immediate bailout package of 526000 crores for people of Delhi. Since need to “eat” good and need to “look” good are two of the minimum basic needs featured in Maslow’s need-hierarchy theory, it is imperative that PM caters to these needs immediately.”, Dr. Vishwas added, after which he even read out a poem which he wrote last night asking PM Modi to not be ruthless anymore and start delivering on his promises which he made to people of Delhi and rest of India.

Noted economist and an expert on consumer behavior Dr. Manjeet Screw-wala called these demands unethical but inevitable, “Everyone looks at paneer and lipsticks and calls them trivial. But the issue is much deeper here. The essence of these issues is that when people believe they can get together and achieve the impossible, that creates a revolution. And survey tools such as Google Survey etc have made it possible to create such revolutions almost on a daily basis. Especially when getting together for a revolution essentially means clicking a yes-no button on a survey, such revolutions can be given birth right in your internet browser. Last year in a detailed email written to Google CEO I even suggested them to launch a product called Google Revolutions, for short Gevolutions, to cater to the revolution-creation market. But no one listened to my revolutionary ideas.” Screw-wala concluded with a sad smirk.

While it is not yet clear if central government would release any of the funds demanded by AAP, Mr. Kejriwal has announced a nation-wide rally at Jantar Mantar next Wednesday where AAP volunteers will distribute free paneer and dahi packets to people of Delhi to symbolize these demands. According to sources earlier proposal put forth was to distribute dahi mixed with fresh fruits as “raayta” to people of Delhi, but this proposal was later rejected by AAP’s internal Lokpal for unknown reasons.