Wednesday, November 29, 2006

I quit sports.

So I was going to go to the bar tonight to watch the Nets because I feel they have not won since the last time I did that...but I'm not feeling well. Oh...and I quit watching sports. Between the Nets dropping 6 straight and the professional football team from NY whose name I refuse to mention that wears the color blue...I'm done. I'm off. I'm officially quitting cold turkey. Also, Monday night my newly appointed Dating Guru informed me that hey, guys don't actually LIKE girls that like sports. They want to "teach" girls about sports and feel like it's "their" thing and yada yada.

Let me digress for a moment. Totally coincidentally, last night I watched My Boys on TBS. While I was aware the main character may share certain traits with myself, the sole reason I watched the show was the brilliant Jim Gaffigan. My assessment: the show blows. I didn't so much as crack a smile, let alone a giggle or guffaw. There was not one single funny joke in the show. It was like they said, "Jokes? We don't need jokes! The premise itself will absolutely CARRY this show. A girl who likes sports! It's so zany!!!" Ugh. And then they waste the talent of the brilliant Jim Gaffigan by writing some hackneyed "whipped husband" role for him where the idea of a funny joke was one of the other characters asking him, "Do you miss your balls?" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG THAT IS SOOOOOOOO FUNNY I'VE NEVER HEARD ANY JOKES LIKE THAT HAHAHAHA HE'S WHIPPED IT'S SO FUNNY SO THEY PRETEND LIKE HIS WIFE HAS HIS BALLS BUT THEY ARE TOTALLY JOKING AND THAT'S THEIR GROUP DYNAMIC HAHAHAHAHAHA SO FUNNY!!!!!!Anyway. I won't be watching this show again. Unless TBS hires new, funny writers. And utilizes the brilliant Jim Gaffigan in a way that his comedic genius deserves.

Anyhow, back to the point. Or a point. I don't really know. I realize I have been going about this whole "dating" thing all wrong, in various ways and to differing degrees, ever since I broke up w/ the fantastic guy I dated in college. (If he was so fantastic, why did I break up with him? Long story short, I was not ready to deal w/ all the bullshit that came from his family, so I sabotaged things a little bit. He's a great guy, and I hope things go really well for him.) Over the last 2 years, I have screwed things up w/ a few guys. This has been partially due to the fact that I forget I'm not in college anymore. In undergrad it was totally normal to form healthy and long-lasting relationships out of a couple months of meeting up drunk at the end of the night. Some of these relationships still exist to this day. So w/ the dorm environment I live in and the drinking 5 nights a week and hanging out w/ so many people that act like they are still in college too, it's tough to remember sometimes that we are supposed to be playing by a whole different set of rules than those that applied just a few years ago. Which brings me to the main problem I have. I don't play games. It's not that I'm mature (I am most certainly not). And it's only partially that I have little patience for it. I'm actually a pretty patient person, when it comes to boys in which I am interested. I have very low bullshit tolerance for my friends, but am exceedingly lenient when it comes to the objects of my affections. (Hencetoforth I dated the conceded Worst Person in the World on and off last year. That's a whole separate post.) It's really just that I'm stupid. I don't realize it's a type of "game" boys and girls play where one must posture and feign and all that good stuff. I just go, "Well I like him and I think he likes me so I'll (answer the phone, hang out w/ him the first time he asks, text him to meet up, etc. etc.)." I don't think to myself, "I need to tell him I'm busy the first 2 days he asks if I'm available so that he thinks I am very busy and important." But apparently this is the way you gotta play things. After realizing I probably screwed things up w/ Drunk Boy, the way I did w/ several others in the last couple years, I was just having a little pity party for myself in my IM window w/ my good buddy Spilly. So Spilly takes it upon himself to be my Dating Guru and starts setting out the rules for me. Involving all that "don't make yourself too available and don't hang out w/ him the first time he asks and don't sleep w/ him for 3 dates" stuff. But his big thing he started lecturing me on was, "Don't talk about sports." Apparently guys hate it because it's not cute or sexy at all and they want it to be their thing and they want to be able to teach us about it and blah blah blah blah BLAH. And I was totally writing it off, only then the cross-eyed bitch in that show said the same thing, and I got a little concurrence from another couple guy friends and...well anyway.

I think it's total bullshit, but it's worth a shot I guess. Considering I have given up on the NBA and the NFL simultaneously. Of course it's tough to meet guys when you are trapped in the library for the next month anyway, so it's a moot point.

As I told my sister and my friends the other day, I'm giving up on the bullshit that is pseudo/developing/whatever "relationships." The new P.O.A. - straight ho-in'.

9 comments:

I have to disagree with your dating guru. I guess I should state - I have job, don't drink, don't smoke, don't cheat on girls and all that stuff. also, like you hate all that games crap.

While the "Don't make yourself too available" stuff sounds nice it can be confusing. No-one wnats needy but beign available doesn't make you needy.

But to the main thing - don't talk sports. Rubbish. Maybe guys with small manhoods and think they are know-it alls can't stand a girl who talks sports but real guys don't really care. I would much rather have a girl who liked sports and showed an interest than one that made me sit though Gilmore Girls (*Shudder*).

I have a friend that lived, breathed every sport. Knows stats, probably knows jersey sizes and everything. He married a girl that liked sports because they had something in common.

So personally, I think if a man can't handle a lady liking sports or knowing more in sports, he needs to man up and improve his own knowledge.

I think your 'Dating Guru' is way off. It all depends on the guy, really. If he's a douche that is gonna freak out when you make more money than him, fuck him. If he's gonna freak because you know what the Passing The Line of Scrimmage penalty signal is, fuck him too.

Be who you are and, for the love of God, keep fuckin'. That's really all there is to it.

Women digging sports is sexy as hell, and it's even better when they are also hot. I don't have time/want to/need to teach a woman about sports, especialy when I'm watching the game. If she doesn't know about the game, then ask questions during commercials or halftime or after the game, I'll be more than happy to share.

Perfect example - me/wife = Cowboys fans. Watching ESPN at UNOs in Manhattan next to some guy who turned out to be an Eagles fan. HE paid for OUR dinner just because the little lady could hold an intelligent conversation about the Cowboys upcoming season/roster, etc. Now that never happens so keep being you.

Don't believe that bullshit! Except the part about Plaxico quittin - he's a jackoff.

My wife claims she only married me because I could explain the BCS while we were on our first date (it was new then). But while I thought she really wanted to know, she was testing me to see if I really knew or was going to dumb it down to a chick explanation instead.

Then again she did threaten divorce after I got drunk at our Super Bowl party and almost crushed multiple small children while doing my Willie Parker Dance.