Overcoming a broken heart: Eight ways to help yourself now

“But if you could, do you think you would trade in all the pain and suffering?
Ah, but then you'd miss the beauty of the light upon this earth and the sweetness of the leaving...”

– Calling All Angels by K.D. Lang

‘Overcoming a broken heart’ was originally a Moondancing newsletter issue. Would you like similar articles delivered to your InBox? If so, subscribe using the ‘Moondancing’ button, on the right.

Eight things you can do today to ease your pain

Here's what I suggest if you find yourself in a confusing, repetitive heartbreak situation and (once again) overcoming a broken heart.

Also read the other articles in this section: they're all a bit different, offering a range of resources to consider.

1. Feel everything

Overcoming a broken heart is excruciatingly hard, so honour every emotion it's bringing up. Create a safe space to let it out. You don't want the grief, the sadness, the anger to stay in your body (for health reasons... and also so the situation doesn't repeat in the same intensity). Allow your emotions to flow through and love yourself for having the courage to express what's inside you. Repeat as necessary.

2. Take radical responsibility

In a moment when you're feeling quiet and free from grief, ask yourself: Why did I create this in my life? What is my soul communicating to me? How can I dissolve this energy that draws painful situations to me? Ask yourself this before you go to bed, and request that you get the answer the next morning.

Ask: what karmic contract do I have with this person? What will the pain of overcoming a broken heart teach me? What agreement did our souls make? How can I honour our agreement? How can I move this situation closer to Love?

Surrender and remain alert to the answers. Be patient, as sometimes this takes days, weeks or even months for the full picture to come in, long after the initial sting is gone. If you remain open to it, the next step to surviving your heartbreak (and thriving from it, in time) will present itself to you. Acknowledge it, take action, remain alert as you're seeking ways to overcoming your broken heart.

3. Re-commit to Love

Did you sincerely ask for a soulmate to come in, prior to this painful event occurring? If so - then claim overcoming a broken heart as a necessary step. Instead of shrinking away, embrace this as a necessary, yet temporary part of the journey.

Hold the experience gently in your heart. Be kind to yourself and re-affirm your desire for a soulmate and commitment to do whatever your soul requires to have one. Perhaps overcoming a broken heart is your first step.

4. Accept and receive serendipitous support

Know that you're creating everything you need to have the life and love you want. So if your soul has created this situation, you've also created a way to dissolve and integrate it. Trust your hunches. See what comes your way. Get online and search. When you find something that lifts you up, that your intuition resonates with, act on it.

5. Surrender to Divine Timing

I believe that everyone can have a soulmate in their life — everyone. We all walk different paths to that meaningful meeting. Some are long and winding. Others are short and sweet.

The question is, are you willing to fully engage the path your soul manifested? Are you willing to do the work of overcoming a broken heart along the way? There's no requirement that you do: Free Will always reigns.

However there is only one ultimate destination on every spiritual awakening journey, regardless of the detours along the way: and that is Love.

Find comfort in knowing that though there may be some detours like overcoming a broken heart, this bus only goes one way.

As much as you can, stay open and be curious about where this experience fits in the big picture of your life. Surrender to Divine Timing, and know that your request has been heard.

6. Love and be kind to yourself

While overcoming a broken heart, it can be really difficult staying in Trust. That's normal! If you were having a bad day, how would you want your beloved to treat you? Answer that: and treat yourself the same way.

Buy yourself flowers. Listen to beautiful music. Cuddle up under the covers. Take your dog for a walk. Go dancing. Get a massage. Make a yummy meal. Sit on the water. Have compassion with your self. Love yourself even more.

7. Get professional, ongoing support

Don't play around when you're overcoming a broken heart. Get help if you need it. Support is not what the weakest among us do — it's there for the most courageous.

8. Believe in what's off your radar screen

When we're locked into what we can only see and touch, we have a tunnel vision of our life. But the fact is that most of reality is off our radar screen. We can't possibly see what's in store, or what's behind the scenes. We can't possibly see why a delay in timing might be absolutely perfect for everyone involved.

However, we can choose to believe that the delay overcoming a broken heart right now is absolutely perfect for us — whether or not we understand why at this moment.

Here's an example. A friend of mine summoned her soulmate, and waited over 18 months to meet him. During that time, some days, she lost hope.

Later, she found out that when she was ready to meet him, his wife was dying of cancer. He was with his wife when she died, he spent a year alone grieving and overcoming his own broken heart — and they met at exactly the right time.

We don't know what we don't know. We can just remain open to knowing — and believe that our soul always serves our best interests.

What will you choose?

I'm no expert. However, I do know a few things. I hope that this article speaks to you, and helps you believe in everything that's waiting for you... on and off your radar. For now, choose to listen to Jane Siberry singing K.D. Lang's beautiful song, Calling All Angels. Have a Kleenex handy.

On a personal note

I've found myself overcoming a broken heart many times in my life. Take-your-breath-away, down-on-my-knees-begging for the pain to stop kind of moments.

No, everyone doesn't have to go through this — of course not.

Looking back, recovering from heartbreak has been a potent carrot for my own growth and creativity. I never would have consciously chosen that for myself, but there it is: heartbreak set me off on a spiritual awakening journey that changed me. Without heartbreak, there would be no novel Moondance, no ezine Moondancing.

A carrot for growth?

Looking back, these confusing, heartbroken situations were the best thing that could have ever happened to me. Yes, this is true from the bottom of my heart — though this acceptance didn't happen overnight.

We all have some kind of carrot for growth, don't we? For some, it's losing a loved one to illness. For others, it's health issues or childhood trauma. For others, it's money, or a lack thereof. For others, it's a difficult marriage. For others, it's being alone. But for all of us — it's something. And it's our choice whether to grow, or check out.

Who you are... to who you have the potential to be!

If my heart had never been broken, I would not be the person I am today.