Sunday, September 01, 2013

Table Manners

My father was a stickler for manners. I know he would be
horrified if he saw me now. I don’t use my knife and fork together. Occasionally
I put my elbows on the table. Sometimes I even eat standing up! At first glance
today’s gospel might appear to be Jesus’ version of Miss Manners – how to
behave at the table. And in a way it is, but it’s also something much bigger.

It has been said that what characterized Jesus’ ministry was
that he was willing to eat anything with anyone anywhere. The central mystery
of our faith is expressed in the language of food, of banquets, of feasting, of
bread and wine. So the way we behave at table becomes an important metaphor for
the way we live our spiritual life.

In Jesus’ time, people didn’t rank each other in terms of
how much they made, how big their house was or what sort of car they drove.
They ranked families according to honor and those who came from more honorable
families got preferential treatment at weddings, banquets and other social
gatherings. So Jesus tells his followers that they should follow the verse we
heard from Proverbs and choose a place of lower honor. Then they might be asked
to move up higher rather than being asked to take a lower position.

I don’t think we’re meant to take this literally any more
than I think that we are expected to throw parties for homeless and disabled
people we don’t know and never invite our friends and family to dinner. So when
we have our gratitude dinner on the auspicious Friday 13th, I don’t
expect that we’ll all be fighting to sit at the least honorable table!!

Jesus is not a Miss Manners talking about how to avoid
social embarrassment by sitting in the wrong place. The point that he is making
is that we should never think that we are better than another, because we are
all equal in God’s eyes. Just because we have academic degrees or we have a
special artistic gift or we have a particular role in society or we have
surmounted some particular problem does not make us better or give us a right to
judge anyone else. Jesus was just as happy to eat gourmet food with the rich as
to eat cornmeal with the poor because both are just as important. Next Saturday
we have the opportunity to serve food for those who are homeless or living on
the edge and as followers of Jesus we welcome this not just as an occasion of
service but also as an opportunity to meet God’s beloved.

As the writer to the Hebrews says, “Let mutual love continue. Do not neglect to show hospitality
to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing
it. Remember those who are in prison, as though you were in prison with them;
those who are being tortured, as though you yourselves were being tortured.”
And today we have to add, “Remember those who are living in fear in Syria, as
though you yourselves were there.”

I am sure we are
all deeply troubled by the horrors of civil war that we have been witnessing in
Syria for two and a half years. Yet I cannot believe that for the US to
intervene militarily will bring less suffering. It may be time for us to send
humanitarian aid, to airlift massive quantities of gas masks into Damascus, to
put pressure on the Arab League to press for diplomatic solutions. But we have
seen in Iraq and in Afghanistan that war is not the solution… it just multiplies
the problems. But on the other hand, can we stand idly by while others are
being slaughtered?

These are big
questions.

We have them in
smaller ways in our own community when we see someone in difficulty and say
“Something should be done about this…” “his family should do something…” “her
pastor should do something…”. But it is very difficult to intervene effectively
in another adult’s life. And when we start to try to give advice and take responsibility
for decisions which are theirs to make, we get ourselves into deep water very
quickly. It is as though we are seating ourselves too far up the table,
actually at the head of the table and playing God.

I do not know
what is best for you anymore than you know what is best for me. If you see me
doing something which is damaging to myself or others I do hope that you will
take me to one side and quietly let me know what you see. But I may disagree
with you. And if I am not such a danger to myself or someone else that you need
to call the sheriff, then you will have to live with my decisions and my
behavior. To say that you know better than another competent adult how they
should live is a form of hubris.

We can and do
influence each other all the time, but it is the Holy Spirit who uses that
influence to change hearts and minds. When we are dealing with each other we
get to do so with a deep respect for each other’s integrity and limitations and
mindset. We need to hold each other with a mutual love that allows space, that
allows independent action, that allows change and growth and even occasionally
crazy behavior. I can never get fully inside your head and know what motivates
you and what trips you up. Only God can go there.

Which is not to
say that we should be uncaring, saying “Oh well, it’s her life” and walking away.
We can still support people with loving detachment – allowing them to make
their own choices, to develop their own relationship with God. Our job is to
continue to love them and to support them in prayer and perhaps find other ways
to meet their needs.

Military
intervention in Syria seems likely to cause more problems than it solves. One
million Syrian children are now refugees and in need of help. Their homes have
been reduced to rubble, their lives destroyed. You and I can help them with
safe water, latrines and other critical supplies. Organizations like Oxfam are working
to support the millions of refugees but what is needed is peace. Our job is to
urge our leaders to work for peace, to pray for a peaceful solution and to do
what we can to support the victims of this conflict.

I am more and
more convinced that non-violence is the heart of the gospel. It is not the
wimpy option. To resist nonviolently is often much harder than to be aggressive
and to fight. To resist non-violently is not to turn away and pretend it isn’t
happening but to resist aggression peacefully. How we do that internationally I
don’t know. But I do know that we can disarm ourselves and I do know that one part
of doing that is to come to the realization that everyone has a place at the
table and that everyone has an equal place so there is no-one that I am better
than, there is no one that is less honorable than I.

In fact, we serve
the one who taught us that we are to be servants. And the servant always takes
the lowest place.

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St Benedicts Episcopal Church is a welcoming faith community in Los Osos, California. For over 20 years we have been witnessing to God's all-inclusive love. In this bl;og we share sermons and other ideas in the hope that this will inspire conversation and new thinking about the God who has called us and who is faithful.