After losing to Duke, Virginia Tech shuts down football program

On Saturday, Duke went on the road to Virginia Tech and took them down. No, ACC basketball season hasn’t started yet, this was in football. Seriously. Stop laughing. As you might expect, there are consequences for being the first ranked team to lose to Duke in 19 years (don’t laugh at Va Tech too hard Virginia, you were the last victims of Duke in 1994) and the first ranked team to lose at home to Duke in 42 years (Stanford did it in 1971). Virginia Tech has decided to shut down the football program. Permanently.

Virginia Tech A.D. Jim Weaver: “After that embarrassing loss, it’s clear we don’t belong on a football field. It’s bad enough watching Josh Freeman Jr. (Logan Thomas) try to play QB, but this was the final straw. So we will be closing the football facility for good and dropping any and all affiliation to anyone whoever played here. Well except Bruce Smith, because he was awesome. But this applies to everyone else. Especially you Marcus Vick. You might be the dumbest man on the planet. Wait, what am I saying? You’re definitely the dumbest man on the planet. Call hooked on phonics already.” Ouch.

Can’t imagine why they’d want to drop association with guys like Michael “uh oh i bumped my knee I think i’m out 3 months” Vick, David “I couldn’t hold the ball in my hands if it was covered in super glue” Wilson and DeAngelo “I run my mouth everytime i make one play but am nowhere to be found when I get beaten like a drum for next 30 plays” Hall, but the decision has been made. Beamer ball is dead. What will Frank Beamer do now? Probably take his special teams talents to the NFL, the Redskins could certainly use the help there and you know Daniel Snyder loves cutting overly big checks.

But without football, now Virginia Tech can focus on what they do best: being one of the last four out of the NCAA tournament every year. Even when it inevitably expands to 120 or so teams, Va Tech will still be in the last four out. It’s their tradition.