by The Lapine ·
Published December 26, 2013
· Updated February 1, 2015

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DAYTON — Police arrested 34-year old Tracy Waters yesterday morning after she allegedly set fire to her husband Dave’s 2013 Chevy Silverado Crew Cab in a rage over her Christmas gifts.

“He gave me a slow-cooker and these red nylon crotchless panties with a push-up bra,” Mrs. Waters told police.

“The bra had tassels for fuck sake. Tassels.”

Police have charged Mrs. Waters with arson, assault with a weapon (“a 4-gallon ceramic crock pot with corn-on-the-cob pattern”) and using foul language in public.

Mr. Waters told the Dayton Daily News that he was excited about his gifts for his wife and doesn’t understand why she became angry and turned violent.

“Good food, good lovin’, and a good truck were all I wanted for Christmas,” said the 37-year-old warehouse worker sporting a swollen-shut right eye.

“Now the truck’s gone, the wife’s gone, and she even broke the crock pot.”

Police and fire responded to a duplex in the city’s southeast after neighbors called emergency saying there was a vehicle on fire and a woman was observed throwing armfuls of what appeared to be men’s clothing onto the flames.

Sarah Palin told FOX News that this is another example of the attack of Christmas.

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The Lapine is Canada's Best Satirical Online Newspaper. It satirizes politics, life, media and the human condition, with a special focus on Canada.
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