nMom is highly critical of others, yet if anything is said about her that's even slightly critical, she will either start crying or have a meltdown. It's truly amazing to see it. It's classic narcissism.

Yes. "You've caught me for doing something bad! And you're calling me out on it. You're a bully! I must now go post how my daughter is treating my poorly on my FB wall, and call all my siblings abroad to let them know how badly you're treating me so they can attack you, harass you, shame you, and get back at you for 'bullying me'.

I'm not sure why it's taken me so long to realise but this comment really hit the nail on the head when it comes to my mum.
I've always just assumed that we never got on because of a clash in personality or more that I was just a terrible daughter and an even worse person. This has really opened my eyes to the fact that maybe it isn't just me, maybe she's been the problem all along as this is the exact behaviour that lead me to avoid talking to her about my problems with out relationship.
Thank you.

Yup! I came to that realisation with my ndad. For my entire life, I was guilted (especially by emom) that I just wasn't helping my dad enough and that was why our relationship was so awful. I needed to take a humble pill and do everything he asked.

At some point, once I'd moved away from home and returned six months later, my dad acted out like a small child and had a temper tantrum at me. I reminisced at that point and realised that I was reprimanded and made to feel small for every mistake that I made. But when he misbehaved or got out of line, he hardly ever apologized to me or tried to make sure that he kept himself under control. The only times he apologized to me were to tell me that he yelled a little too much but that I provoked him so I shouldn't provoke him.

My mum is exactly the same!
Even down to the part when your Ndad was acting like a child when you moved away.
I moved out a few years ago and despite the fact I called her each evening to listen to her complaining about how awful her life is and how it's all my fault, she would turn up at my house and just let herself in. I was studying at university at the time so I was rarely home during the day. Apparently this was unacceptable so she'd call me and demand I drop everything and go back home to deal with her. And in my ignorance I would do it. Usually when I got there she would be rearranging all my drawers or cupboards and if I dared to ask her to stop she just blew up.
She'd scream and throw shit at me saying that I don't appreciate her and my now ex would leave me and no one would love me again because I'm not a size 10.
Since I commented I've been reading through others experiences and suddenly all he pain and confusion I felt growing up makes sense. It's truly alarming how many people have posted things that she's done in the past!

My nEx is the same way! They will say extremely out of line, inappropriate things about others, but if someone gives them so much as warranted constructive criticism they can't handle it. It's amazing.

My nEx is the same way! They will say extremely out of line, inappropriate things about others, but if someone gives them so much as constructive criticism they can't handle it. It's amazing.

My nMom is the exact same way! She criticizes everyone but if she even gets a hint of a "change of tone" when I talk to her she starts crying and hides in her room for days at a time. She has the emotional intellect of a 5 year old.

This really reminds me of my old roommate. She was fired from several jobs in a row partially because she would start crying and having a meltdown at the simplest tasks, but she would be really quick to criticize and gossip about others behind their back. (She was also too cowardly to actually confront/communicate with people that she couldn't control.)

Same. The other day, my brother showed us a picture of his new girlfriend that would be visiting us the next day; my mom started roasting the hell out of her appearances. It almost brought my brother to tears (the sad thing was that he said he’d already expected the situation to go the way it did).

Even my dad said what she did was cruel, and that’s really saying something. As soon as we called her out on her behavior, she got defensive and started saying that she does no wrong and everyone she meets at work loves her. I repeatedly told her to apologize. At first she refused because it’s” not [her] fault he’s acting so sensitive” and “he must be drinking tonight.” Then after awhile it turned into a “we’ll see.”
Finally, she apologized and said she planned on doing it anyway without or without my provocation, which we both know was a lie. She almost never admits when she’s in the wrong.

I'm still trying to figure out if my mom is a N or not, but she definitely has some traits. And she is forever criticizing everyone else, but yep, the second someone says anything completely founded and true about her, she will start crying and yelling "Nobody cares about me! I'm just a piece of shit!"

My nDad is the classic “perfect excuse” guy. He can never admit fault and will always find a way to shed blame, or direct fault towards you or someone else. But he also loves to play the bigger person card as a way of giving himself the “high ground” and will do it just to manipulate others impressions of him, to appear the good guy. So frustrating to watch people take the bait.

When it comes to apologies, I check for the 3 Rs: Regret, Responsibility, Remedy. Basically, if they keep doing the same behavior, or if they do the "I'm sorry, BUT" routine, and don't accept responsibility? I start keeping them at a distance.

My favourite example is that if I couldn't find something, Nmom would yell at me while making me tidy up one room after the other until I found it. If my Nmom couldn't find something we all had to drop everything we were doing and start searching in absolute silence, because of course somebody else must have taken it away and misplaced it.

For years after I moved out, my mom would call me when she lost the remote. She'd angrily tell me my adult son must have moved it the last time he visited. I'd point out that she needed to call him if she thought he'd misplaced it because I didn't have psychic powers. I don't pick up the phone when she calls anymore.

She used to do the same thing about spoons. She'd accuse me, my kids, and my (now ex)husband of throwing away her spoons because she kept losing them. He suggested we buy dozens of spoons and leave them under the guest room bed the next time we visited her.

Haha my old friend’s mother was very particularly focused on dinnerware. She would CALL my friend in the middle of class to yell at her about losing her knives, or not washing them (whether or not she had used it). It was always her though, never her two sisters.

Similar with us, too. I remember one time something in his office wasn't where he put it so he gathered us all in one room and did the interrogation stare down asking who did it, we weren't leaving until someone confessed (I don't remember where we were going, I think some family thing).
No one confessed of course, and we had to discuss amongst ourselves to figure it out while he looked around the house. Then we had to join the search. And finally, lo and behold, he found the item had fallen behind the shelf case it was displayed on.
No apology for accusing everyone and assuming we're lying thieves while not actually looking well first, just told us he found it, it fell, and we needed to get our stuff so we could leave.

I was very young when I noticed this discrepancy with my own ndad. If I broke something through an honest mistake, I wasn't messing around, I wasn't playing - it was the end of the world. If he broke something through an honest mistake, all's good and we move on.

Ndad was 51 when I was born, so being old was the perfect excuse for him. If I forgot anything, I was scolded, because I'm young, so I should be able to remember absolutely everything, so obviously I was lying, unlike him, he's old, old people forget everything, so they should never be held accountable for anything.
If he forgot something, it's my fault because he's old he has other things to do he can't always be thinking about what I need so I need to remind him. Yet whenever I remind him of something it's always "I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT I'M BUSY I HAVE TO GO TO WORK Y'ALL THINK MONEY FALLS OFF TREES BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH..."

That was my dad 100% of the time. Damn. My parents had my sister and I when they were 38/39. We paid for you, they did. I'm a testube baby. I didn't ask to be born so now I am responsible for reading your mind.

When I would face they about it. I cannot always be doing my homework, we don't my dad said the next time he showed up he asked me about if I had my homework and since I didn't he came back what felt like every 5 minutes to see if I was finally done.

Dad, stop it. You are distracting me. You have shown to be unreliable.... Even though you always ask me about doing anything around the house not my sister. Damn I am starting to see my dad more objectively. The more I see the more sad it is.

Do they read from the same script. If I forget a small detail (example: forgetting and having to look up what time some family member's flight is--a flight that has nothing to do with me) then I get a lecture from nMom about how if I cared about my family, I would remember things like that easily. Meanwhile when she forgets things, it's "I don't have TIME to remember so many things! I'm so BUSY and STRESSED!"

Occasionally when it's specific things about me that she's forgotten to do, it's paired with (shout out to the recent thread about this very thing) "Asian parents aren't supposed to have to remember [this very specific thing] anyway!"

This shit right here. Except mine was that I couldn't defend myself against my brothers if they were hitting me (I'm way older than them), I had to tell my parents. So I go tell them I'm getting hit. "Stop tattling."

I started defending myself and took the punishment for "hitting" my brothers (never anything hard enough to do damage, but enough to stop the attack).

Ugh reminds me of my mother's parenting. If I fought back against my brother I'd get in trouble for fighting, get stuff taken away and sent to my room, would get the silent treatment etc. So of course I stopped standing up for myself and stopped telling my mother. As I got older and my dad started being more cruel to me I never stood up for myself or fought back or told my mother because it was so ingrained in me. To make it worse, if I did tell my mother about my dad he would come and have a go at me for being a snitch.

Of course now she says "why didn't you tell me it was that bad?" and her favourite 'oh I don't remember that so obviously it never happened".

Clean the cat litter but the cat used it after and N accuses you of not cleaning it at all? Screaming hitting and an hour of being called worthless and stupid.

Nmom forgets to pick up something from the store and her husband gently reminds her? Screaming hitting and an hour of her blaming it on literally every member of the family- "well Daughter made me forget because she took a shower too early today"...and other general insanity

THIS is my nMom. Always complaining about the cat litter even after I change it. I can't help the fact cats poop and pee constantly, or the fact your dog pee on your bedroom floor is being mistaken for cat pee. You know when it's cat pee.

I remember my ndad screaming like a lunatic from the shower because the water was cold after I took a 10 minute shower.
My estepmom was sitting next to me. So I say "it takes about 5 mins for the hot water to come through". (I thankfully wasn't living there permanently.)
So she says "he lives here permanently. How would he not know? You used all the hot water."
The whole time he's screaming still.
Then suddenly the hot water comes on "NEVERMIND ITS HOT NOW!!!"
Not a sorry I doubted you, accused you from either.

Ugh. Nmom loved to drop this one. Also, "You remember to do the things you want to do..." Yeah, the things I want to do are routine habits and thus easy to remember. Remembering extra chore #3 out of 5 on top of the usual chores after being at school all day and then doing homework is hard.

Dude was constantly reminding me to do simple things I did every day. He would literally remind me how to fold boxes or do simple math for me. If I made any mistake, I would overhear him on the phone tell the customer "Oh no, oh we messed up big time I am SO sorry." And I would get passive aggressively spoken to (usually through email even though we were both in the office).

Then he would make legit HUGE mistakes that I would catch or have to fix and he constantly brushed that off. "Oh okay, just send a note to the customer."

You can say that again. I was suicidal after working for an N boss for three months. She was so bad that she triggered me daily to the point I would have panic attacks and cry every day on my way home. I realized I had to get outta there. I have never worked anywhere like that before or since.

Yeah, this is my current boss. Just before I took a vacation last month he went on a massive ranting tantrum and passive aggressive griping spree for DAYS because I missed an email about a trip that he could've taken that week. The email was from July. Since I can see his email it was apparently all my fault and I got an earful about any little thing he took issue with (ex: I scheduled the remainder of the year's vacation with only 1 of the 2 other support staff because the other 2 had already coordinated schedules, there was a tiny typo in one email I drafted for him, the support person I didn't talk to doesn't like me for xyz reasons, on and on). I spent that vacation crying intermittently and barely able to relax. I can't leave my job until certain life circumstances are over next year, but god I can't wait to go. It made me lose so much respect for him.

I've no idea what she's like and I'm not calling her an N, but my immediate thought was a customer I spoke with on the phone once. She was late on her bill often, and racked up a lot of fees, and I'd tried to communicate in plenty of time to help her avoid a big one. She knew for days that she needed to pay by a certain day to avoid this fee. That day came and went, she got the fee. She called me the next day and complained to me that no one in her house woke her up the previous day so that she could pay her bill on time. I sat there thinking, "really? Your kids are supposed to wake you up and remind you to pay bills?" I know she has a cell phone and could set the alarm. It's like that with a toxic person who cannot admit responsibility- always someone else to blame.

Of the fuck course. I’m such a huge idiot failure for everything I do 24/7. But any and all minor and major faults of hers come with “WELL FUCKING KILL ME I JUST DO EVERYTHING WRONG DONT I” and it’s like well yes.

Exactly EXACTLY! It’s difficult to deal with when you’re immersed in it, difficult to just walk away from the immediate issue in your face to face interaction with that Nperson. I think I’ve heard a few really quick apologies my 40 something years in the relationship with my NMother. Apologies are not real and are usually self serving and with martyrism. Apologies if ever uttered need to be accepted “properly” and completely absolving according to the N person. Martyrism is probably not a even a word but you get it. I’m extremely concerned that I am similar and it turns me to hate myself for the things I catch myself doing to my own son. I know I don’t have a problem finding myself in the wrong which may be a good sign idk. I need to admit it more often and not just to myself but to my son. Admitting it in itself seems to damage my self esteem further with the accompanying negative self talk. I read the comments here and I hear myself saying and doing a lot of what I read. My son and I live with my NMother because of finances. She takes pleasure in seeing me fail in dating relationships, school and other endeavors. It’s made me an extremely secretive individual and ultimately it leads to me lying, even about I inconsequential things. I know that she enjoys seeing me fail and flail by her actions and words but she denies. I am a mess on the inside and hanging by a thread on the outside but few can see this. Sorry just venting I guess.

Here, have a big hug if you like. Stay strong and keep planning your eventual escape from her clutches. At least you know what's up. I refused to believe my people were actually against me most of my life. And made a lot of poor decisions while putting trust in the untrustworthy.

I actually got kicked out of the house when I was 18, working, and going to college because I forgot to pick up dish soap from work. Dish soap. I had worked all day at Kmart, and came home. My step-mom got home and asked if I picked it up. I panicked, and said I had, but I'll go get it right now, I'm sorry, I just forgot, it was a long day.

A lot of shouting and 10 minutes later, I was packing up my stuff to leave.

But let's never criticize the fact that they forgot to pay the water bill so many times that they bought a key so we could turn it on ourselves. Or spent too much money so we had to eat chicken and rice or tuna casserole multiple times a week (Often burned). Or that my bedroom was literally a closet in the converted garage, and I had to tiptoe my way around the house constantly to be as ignored as possible or I would be the butt of their jokes. Yeah, I'm the irresponsible one for trying to go to school, have a job, and forgetting dish soap.

Literally my boss. In an impromptu employee review he pulled together at the last minute, he told me, “I don’t expect you to read my mind but you should take the initiative.” I go, “ok, what’s an example of something you need me to take the initiative with?” He goes, “ITS NOT ABOUT THAT! ITS ABOUT STEPPING UP AND PLANNING AHEAD!”

My parents are both like that. Even tho I have ADD and autism and tend to forget stuff easily because I just struggle with keeping my mind clear and they know that. My mom still loses her mind when I forget the smallest things but then continues to use my mental conditions to brag about how much she knows about autism and ADD in front of her friends. Like I just can’t help it that my mind is so insanely chaotic that I forget to put out the lights in my room or to call grandpa back. She literally acts like I’m the worst person in the world when that happens and starts shouting at me. She says she’s a “proud mother of an autistic child” but flips out whenever my autism causes small inconvenience like that. And now they all wonder why I have anxiety. It’s like walking on egg shells with my parents all the time. One wrong step and it bursts in my face.

Yup. Nmom showed up at my summer elopement and told our landlords/witnesses damaging lies about me. When I confronted her she denied it, defended it, burst into tears, hung up and then moved our wedding reception from our beautiful orchard to her RV where she didn't so much as say a single word to me or my husband. 5 months later she still believes she was right and I'm an ungrateful brat. Just sent her the obligatory "here's what went wrong and how we can fix it" letter, but not expecting much.

This is my ndad so much. He is moderately disabled so if he doesn't do something "he can't" he doesn't even try. I go over on a weekly basis because I am crazy... He always has a laundry list of things he wants done... Some weeks are worse than others. When I forget 1 thing usually it's the trash... I always forget to do it. He calls and complains that I forgot to do 1 of the 10 things he had asked me to do. Mind you while I'm there doing things he asked off me he gets mad that I don't spend enough time with him.

OMG, so many examples. My sister died in 1999. I bought a car in 2000 with my share of the insurance money, so when I was of age, could drive it. I got a classic car that had a terrible paint job. We went to a garage and bought paint and all the supplies to paint the car. To this day, it is still dry rotting/rusted in my mother's yard because we started stripping it to get the paint off of it, but he never finished it.

He "had to build a garage to paint it." Built the garage/shed to 75% and filled it with junk, never painted the car or put the thing in his "garage" and then wouldn't let us hire someone or take it to a professional to be painted because "he was going to do it!" It didn't matter how many times we fought about it. He always had an excuse. First, it was the garage, then it was something else, and he just got away with it because my mother never stood up to him and he ALWAYS HAD TO BE IN CONTROL.

We got into several fights over said vehicle including the holding the keys because "I couldn't have the keys because I would lose them." He lost the keys several times and at one point, took over a year to find them. Guess who found them? Me. Every. Fucking. Time.

I went on a trip and ended up staying where I went and my cheap car that was gifted to me by my grandmother was at my Nmom's and her Nbf's house. I was nice and told them they could drive it since I couldn't really stop them anyway. I went through hell trying to drive it when I lived there because they were always trying to take it or making excuses as to why I wasn't allowed to drive it. One of them being that" I would get into an accident because I can't drive well." Well, guess who totaled it in WalMart parking lot because he didn't stop at a fucking stop sign? My mom's NBf.

I have never had a speeding ticket or been in an accident as a driver. I'm very cautious. This whole part of the abuse/control left me with my own special PTSD around driving. I didn't even get my license until I turned 20.

​

Every. Single. Time. I confronted my mother on any of the abuse from all three of her abusive partners, she would constantly defend them and make excuses because she wouldn't be a parent and take care of herself or her children. Listening to a person say over and over why something very wrong is somehow okay not only breaks your heart, but makes you feel crazy and like this scenario cannot exist because it is so wrong. This was my life until July of this year. Less so, since I moved half way across the country and went VLC, but still there any time I visited and until I finally made everything public in July and then, went NC. It's shocking all the residual damage that still remains after going NC just from the gaslighting. You have to retrain your brain and reaffirm that you are not crazy and it is very important to stay NC.

Can't forget the time my Nstep blamed me when she accidentally broke a lamp (nevermind that I wasn't even inside the house at the time) because "she spends so much time worrying about me potentially screwing up that she can't think about what she's doing" like what the fuck?

I remember the first time I said I was moving out. I moved out the day after I graduated high school, barely 18. I told my parents that it would give me the opportunity to live closer to work to make more money before school started. A screaming match ensued and I remember running from it and feeling so guilty for bringing it up. But I wasn’t in the wrong. I realised later how they just made up all these reasons I was being shitty for asking to leave, and weeks later they even decided to move and now me leaving worked perfectly for them and suddenly all the reasons I couldn’t move out before didn’t matter to them. Their excuses only matter as long as it benefits them

Yeah, if I wanted anything, she'd take days or weeks to "decide" if I could have or do it, and yell at me if I brought it up after a few days of her saying nothing about it. It gave her an excuse to say no to my "begging". If I didn't "remind" her, she'd "forget" all about it and it wouldn't happen. It was always my "fault" that I never got to hang out with friends and stuff.

My dad to a T. Always willing to dish out criticism over anything, but then becoming a crybaby whenever it gets pointed out that he does the exact thing. He fails to see how it renders his words irrelevant.

Husband's ex wife is like this. If he forgets to do something she will upbraid him as long as she can. He used to be a forgetful guy, but started using phone apps to avoid the severe tongue-lashings. I have witnessed a truncated chastisement (shortened because witnesses).

Anything she forgets or neglects to do, it's not her fault and she has All The Excuses.

Yes. Every time. Growing up if I forgot something it was the end of the world. If nmom forgot something it was met by a giggle and a dismissive excuse. Then if I brought it up in the future.... trouble.

I will never forget the hell that was moving back to "the house" (it wasn't ever a "home") temporarily before I found my own place when I moved back to my home country a few years ago. I had not put a certain lid in a certain spot where my mother wanted it precisely, so she raced up the stairs and yelled at me, her face turning beet red, because I had forgotten to put the lid in the "right place." I just stood there calmly and said, "Mom, I understand you're upset." And she responded with, "Don't use that therapy bullshit on me."

When she forgot anything, it was still my fault. I am so grateful to be out of there.

My nmom recently berated me because I forgot to pay a power bill, It was past due at $230, I then found her own shut-off notice for $460 on her own power bill, she very quickly shut up and changed the subject

Of if something goes wrong it’s always “it’s not my fault”. My car was stolen when the thief found the spare key to my car in my Nmom’s car. The doors were unlocked and the windows were open. I still hold her partially responsible for the incident, but of course Nparents do no wrong.

Also my nmother would remind me over and over to do something until I was on the verge of murdering her. And if I ask why she keeps reminding me to do something I never forgot about, she’ll say it’s because I ‘always forget.’ Like, what?!?

my (former) best friend once witnessed me have an absolute ugly cry moment because my Nmom (after she got me & him stoned and then sent us grocery shopping at 16&18) started berating me in the kitchen for 20 minutes because i forgot the bread and the receipt.

Also they might deny ever having knowledge of it in the first place, so how could they have forgotten? They are insistent that you are the one remembering wrong, and/or you forgot to tell them so its your fault.

My dad used to do this all the time and sometimes I notice I act the same way to my gf when she doesn't understand what I'm asking or forgets about it. All I can do is apologize for being impatient and remind her.

As kids we learned to anticipate dad's every need, and now we can all think the same way his brain does (which helps in the kitchen and stuff), but not so much when other people are involved.

I can still see both facial expressions very clearly in my narcissistic Aunt, dad, sister and grandmother. If I made a mistake they would put this snarl on like they were a dog, and they would viciously send of verbal barbs my way like some sort of Roman attack.

And then the other face was when they made a mistake and they would get all like flustered and shake their cheeks and turn red and just Mumble out a list of every lie they could think about until either people got so awkward that they stop talking about it or they just had enough lies spit out where the conversation would change.

Looking back on both of those they are truly bizarre and odd interactions that shouldn't happen between anyone, let alone the people that are supposed to support me.

Not exactly the same but if I didn't do something (ie dishes) I would get in trouble because, even if she didn't ask me too I was supposed to know and help out as much as I can. If I did do something (again ie dishes) I shouldn't have because -insert reason- (she had dirty dishes she was bringing home from work and wanted to do them all when she got home.)

I can relate, she would make up new rules as she went along. If I cleaned, she would complain that she only wanted it done this very specific, unorthodox, convoluted way that made no sense and wasn't particularly important. It was as if I could do nothing right.

Indeed. She'd get huffy if I wasn't perfect and an ordeal about it. But if she's not perfect and you point it out, it's all "Well I'm not PERFECT. Sorry for not being PERFECT." Bitch, chill. Take what you dish.

Me! I can relate to this sooo much. I have experienced the exact same thing with my POS N "mom" all throughout my childhood unfortunately. If I either forget something or make a simple mistake because I truly didn't understand she's quick to yell at me and make me feel like shit. Or worst both of my narcissistic parents will accuse me of doing it on purpose. But if she makes a mistake, she laughs it off and acts like it's no big deal and nobody (especially me) is suppose to say ANYTHING negative about it; let alone call her out on her hypocrisy.

Know that to well. „Best“ example (it is actually very sad) was when my dad forgot that my sis was eating with him for lunch as USUAL after school before he would bring her to her mom (they are separated for a long time and I have a different mom). She was only 12 years old back than and she stood there for almost an hour and tried to call him but he wouldn‘t pick up (none of his children have keys to his apartment anymore as he is paranoid that one of our mothers would get into it lol). She called her aunt to pick her up, what she did and while she got back home dad called her back. Of course my sis was angry that he forgot about her and hurt. But then he kind of turned it around and put the blame on her and what of an ungrateful brat she was for taking it granted that he always takes her home (she lives high up the mountain) after lunch. Of course she said to him that this was his idea and she never asked for it (is that to much for a parent to do?!). After 2 hours he came to her house. Her mom and other sister were also there and he yelled at her and that the 2 months is summer where he didn‘t see her were the best of his life. It was horrible and my sis broke off contact for months. They rekindled after some time but he never apologized. I knew the story from her point of view and that was enough as I also had my experiences with him and he always turns the story in that way that he looks good and always tells about how good of a father he is and he does so much for us. When he wanted to tell me about his point of view I always said that I don‘t want to hear about it and that I don‘t want to get involved in this. Later my sister had a eating disorder and depression. It is so awful but we did learn that he cannot make us feel bad anymore and he is very cautious how he treats us and speaks to us meanwhile as he knows that we would have no problem breaking off contact with him.

I looked after my n-mum's dog while she was on holiday - everything went absolutely fine. He was walked twice a day, fed and watered, cuddled and socialised.

Then she went on a second holiday a couple of weeks later, I was looking after the dog again. She left post-it notes all over the house saying incredibly obvious things like 'TURN OFF OVEN', 'Shut FRIDGE' and 'LOCK DOOR'. There was about twenty of them.

I'm regularly treated like I'm stupid despite the fact I successfully lived by myself for three years. I think I know to close the fridge at this point.

If I ever try to gently challenge her behavior she takes it as a serious personal affront. Naturally.

My Ns have always tried to blame stuff on me by saying "why didn't you tell me xyz" Umm well N, I didn't advise you on this occasion because 1) you didn't ask, and 2) when I do give you advice you just ignore it anyway, so what's the point?

My Ns have always tried to blame stuff on me by saying "why didn't you tell me xyz" Umm well N, I didn't advise you on this occasion because 1) you didn't ask, and 2) when you do ask for my advice you just ignore it anyway, so what's the fucking point?

I thought they were all like this. They can endlessly criticise and belittle others for any “fault” - major or minor, real or imaginary. But they themselves cannot take the slightest, gentlest criticism.

I literally went NC with my Ngranny because I couldn’t remember her log in information for her iPad and neither could she even though I wrote it down for her a million times. And it was somehow my fault I couldn’t remember but totally excusable that she couldn’t. 🎉

Dude, I remember my nDad having an all-out meltdown when he nearly got fired from his job. Somehow, it was the fault of my brother and I (we were 10 and 12). I mostly remember that because it was my first realization that my father was an utter mess of a man. I also recall, as a kid, being so exhausted by how I was expected to be more mature than a man 43 years older than me when I hadn't even gotten out of puberty.

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