"What it must look and smell like when a movie brain vomits. Truly worthless."
-Variety

Monday, November 09, 2009

Boffo B.O.: BoZem's Madcap MOCAP Madness

I don't understand it either. Anyway, four debuts this week! And no one wants to give out budget info! They're being coy. ¶ Debuting at #1, Robert Zemeckis proves once again that he's the king of this whole MoCap movement, and his Christmas Carol takes the cake. Well, sometimes you just gotta direct these things yourself. Remember what happened to Monster House! Ugh. What a disappointment. Meanwhile, is George Clooney's 2009 going to be as fruitful as 2005? Probably not. The stars and planets seemed to line up for him back then, winning Oscar noms left and right, and his Syriana did reasonably well. I think I once dated a girl named Syriana back in college! She lived on Diane Lane... sorry, I was channeling David Letterman for a second there. Anyway, the Cloonster's got three arrows in his quiver this year: the Goats movie, the Fox movie, and the bird movie. ...see, because he plays a Cosa Nostra... I mean a Conde Nast. Racking up frequent flier miles? Blood clots from sitting too long? Never mind. Well, Goats is doing well so far, but we'll see about Fantastic Mr. Fox. Wes Anderson can do movies about kids, but not necessarily movies FOR kids, but the MPAA seems to trust him, who knows.Next, it's (Close Encounters of) The Fourth Kind, an anti-Sarah Palin screed, which... I'm sorry, I'm just not going to dignify this any further. Not going to do it. That poor woman, what she's been through. And finally, it's Richard Kelly's The Box. Poor Cameron Diaz. She's been having a rough 2009 to say the least. But at least Shrek 4 will wipe the slate clean, right? RIGHT? People hate Mike Myers now, but they still love Shrek, don't they? Anyway, so the plot takes that old saw about getting a million dollars under one condition... These days, people will wait for two. These days people will ask "Ooh! Can me and my wife each hit the button? You know, I've got three kids! How about them, too!" I'm sorry, but I am a Malthusian, and quite pessimistic about our easy-fix drive-thru culture. Just call me Malthus-elah from now on. What next, Richard Kelly? A movie about a guy who goes to a desert island with only one movie to watch for the rest of time? A movie about a choking doberman? A movie about the welfare mom that set the anti-welfare movement ablaze? Aesop's Fables done right? Will that person from Nantucket finally get their cinematic due? He who smelt it dealt it? I better quit while I'm ahead...