Not a miserable widow, (well I try not to be); more of an up and coming, re-emerging butterfly looking for a new start or beginning, sharing insights, thoughts, feelings and experiences of life after a soul-mate's death, injecting humour - sometimes bitter sweet. Someone else may find this blog illuminating - I find it cathartic.

Sunday, 28 March 2010

Meerkat with broom handle

I wasn't looking forward to an Endoscopy, so opted for the heavy sedation rather than a throat numbing spray. The waiting room was packed with similarly worried looking people of all ages. My daughter sat with me, not reading her magazine; both of us quite silent... waiting. Eventually I was called into a room to have a 'chat' to the nurse. I explained that I had a sore throat and a headache, therefore, would it be better to come back another day? She took my temperature, blood pressure, heart rate and said I was okay to go ahead! Bugger! I really did have a sore throat and headache! She asked how often I suffered with acid reflux. "I don't" I replied. She asked why I'd been referred, so I went through the whole story again before returning to the waiting room and my daughter.

Twenty minutes later, a tall man in gown and pulled-down mask appeared and in a Russian or Eastern-block accent, called my name. I followed him in to a surgery. He was talking to me, but either I was mentally in another place, or his accent was too thick for me to comprehend. I sat on the trolley while he tried to find a suitable vein, (I think my vascular system had shrunk with fear)! He kept dropping things, so I asked jokingly, "Have you done this before?" he giggled. Now I was really starting to worry!

I laid down on my side, as instructed while he injected me with something saying, "you vil soon be very sleepy". Good, I thought! However... I seemed to be awake throughout the whole thing and remember them talking around me, discussing what was coming up on screen, while I gagged my way through it all. I remember them wheeling me into a little recovery ward, along with other women laying on their left sides, who were all happily snoring their heads off! I asked the nurse why I was awake. "Oh you've been awake all through it... some people are!" she said matter-of-factly. My throat was so very sore; I'm sure he'd used a broom handle!

My daughter was shown in and the nurse came back with a line drawing of what a stomach looks like and where they'd taken biopsies. At the bottom was a prescription. "Take this to your GP so that you can start taking it dear. It will help with the acid reflux." I replied groggily, "I don't have acid reflux". She smiled at my daughter and said I could go as soon as I could walk across the ward and back unaided.

The outcome? It seems I have ulcers, a sliding tear and a hernia. The biopsies were to test for Helocobacter Pylori, which my blood tests had highlighted, and was probably the cause. I am still waiting for the report to me and my GP and the possible and very necessary antibiotics for H.Pylori . Meanwhile I keep wondering how a tear can slide!

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About Me

Having been married for just four years, my lovely husband and I moved to Oxfordshire to start a new life. My husband died suddenly, without warning at 0130 on a September night. Almost three years have gone by and I miss him just as much. I am determined to re-start my life - somehow... beginning with this blog on my observations of being a widow trying to re-emerge into society.