Thursday, October 13, 2005

having a bit of a bad week....

Like when I hear a train whistle blow?Or when I see my Dads tractor sitting beside the shed?

Is it normal for me to be having nightmares almost everynight about people that I love dying?

Is it normal for me to be so clingy?When my kids come to visit me and they say they have to leave- is it normal for me to start another conversation so I can keep them with me as long as possible?And do it several times before they actually get to leave?(I'm afraid that if I keep doing this they will stop coming by as much and I surely don't want THAT to happen.)

Is it normal for me to almost have panic attacks when anyone I love is out of my sight- that I'm afraid that at any moment another person I love could be taken away from me?

I don't understand why I am doing these things. It's not like Dad had a heart attack or just passed away in his sleep with no warning....we knew for years that this was coming- and we knew for several weeks it could be at any minute.