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Rapture? Tomorrow? Can I Have Their Agents?

In case you haven’t heard, the world ends tomorrow. Yep, at 6:00PM local time (whatever your local time might be) your area will experience a massive earthquake. The saved amongst us – those who have paid a certain church – will be raptured. The rest? I guess we get to clean up after the earthquake. After all, according to the prophecy those of us who aren’t “saved” won’t go away until October.

I’ve decided this could be a great thing for me. Think about it for a moment. If all the crazy “I can buy my way into heaven” people are gone, that should cut down on the number of people seeking a literary agent. After all, they won’t need one since they won’t be here. That means my query letter won’t be mixed in with their letters. Less query letters means more glances at query the query letters agents do receive. Yes! Perfect for me and wannabe writers everywhere. Granted, I’ve gotta find an agent and a publishing house before October, but I have faith.

Oh, wait. Those massive earthquakes might interfere with my plans. I mean, those earthquakes are supposed to destroy everything. That’s bad! Hum? There has to be a way around this. The laptop will need to be protected. Except there is a possibility that the massive earthquakes will knock out the electrical grid. Oh, that would be bad! And what if those earthquakes jar the fiber optics known as the internet enough to break the cables? Good thing I have 3G coverage. Wait, cell phone towers will probably come crumbling down. Okay, satellite coverage it is. (Or is something gonna happen in space, too, with our astronauts at the International Space Station?) Except I still won’t have electricity for my laptop!

This is gonna be tricky, but I think I’ll get published even if the world is in shatters. And if the majority of us are right, we’ll still be here come Monday morning and my next scheduled blog.

Then all we’ll have to worry about is the impending zombie attack. You read that right. The zombies will attack us soon enough. And that’s coming from the CDC; aka the US Government. Supposedly I need a survival kit so I can survive the zombie attack or any other disaster. (You can check out the article here.) Guess I should prepare for the zombie attack in case it shows up before the Rapture.

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4 thoughts on “Rapture? Tomorrow? Can I Have Their Agents?”

That is an awesome article, I’m totally using that for my zombie novel. CDC to the rescue!

There’s a story right there: A struggling writer finally finishes her manuscript and prepares to send out queries to multiple agents when suddenly, the Rapture strikes and all communications are shut down and the dead start to walk to earth. Her only remaining course of action? She must trudge her way across the country, through crumbling ruins, dodging zombies and unruly savages, a typed-up manuscript jealously guarded with her life. Her destination: the last remaining literary agent in America who is still open to representing new talent. Can she get there before the being eaten alive? Will the agent accept her work? Will the novel get published and distributed in time for the Apocalypse???

The CDC’s article does make one think. We really oughta have plans in place for a zombie attack, especially since the zombies are gonna be created from biological agents.

I really shouldn’t joke about the whole Rapture thing, but this one is funny since this guy was wrong before. It turns out you can also get pet-care insurance where a group of atheists promise to take care of your pets until the pets die. It’s just $135 at the moment. 🙂