This is the week my book comes out which is about the brain and how to manage it especially when it nose -dives into anxiety, fear, burn-out (You know those feelings that are not your friends). Ironically with the launching of my book I find myself highly anxious from putting something I’ve put so much into out for the public to scrutinize. This is my trigger. In the past I would now be tipping toward depression; cortisol flooding my brain making me become more and more compulsive.

Today I’m still hearing the old theme songs from childhood playing in my head which go to the tune of “I am a failure, everyone hates me….” I know these things aren’t fact but in times of stress the old war wounds make an appearance. This week I have to really walk the talk or talk the walk with a book coming out called “Sane New World” I have to put my money where my mouth is by making sure I stay steady and not buy into those thoughts even though I’m aware of them and my physical state that accompanies those critical voices; my heart hurts, my head’s filled with bumper-to-bumper noise. I know these are old recordings, I know these are ancient themes from my past when life was brutal and if I didn’t succeed at something I was punished by my parents and teachers. I’m aware this is not the past, it’s the present. I sit and practise mindfulness and clearly hear those thoughts and feel those feelings. When I send my focus to the feeling of breathing in and out I have moments of relief and the voices subside like a radio that’s playing in another room. I don’t have to believe the thoughts though they are trying so hard to drive me to my habit of ruminating and ultimate despair. (The mind clings to old habits no matter how destructive.) I have to remember thoughts are not solid they come and go as do emotions. All this week promoting my book, my baby, I have to be vigilant of old tendencies from my past and hold onto my hat.

That is me... Now... My life.... It's so awful! But it's reassuring to see that someone I like, admire has this too. Not alone. But it's crap!

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Janette Lee

3/6/2013 02:07:12 am

I hope your book contains some answers. My mum lives in a constant state of anxious fear,not leaving the house. She does not want to try the medication route, because that makes her more anxious. Cognitive therapy is the only hope to releasing my mum from this perpetual cycle of fear & anxiety. A torture.

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H

3/6/2013 06:52:29 am

I love you, Ruby. 4evah.

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Sarah C

3/6/2013 06:37:27 pm

You've just eloquently described the silent war going on inside my head. You're not alone, and you've reminded me that I'm not alone either. What a lovely thing you've done, don't you think? S x

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Sue

5/6/2013 06:08:35 am

Counting down the hours here in NZ until I can purchase Kindle edition...good for you :-)

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mike weinblatt

5/6/2013 07:25:46 pm

remember 'life is a toilet bowl of cherries'
toodle pip
mike

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Angie

5/6/2013 09:17:54 pm

I hope my ex boyfriend reads your book, in the hope it will give home hope and confidence to seek help and be happy in his life. I couldn't help him and he refuses to get help, he's moving house, but he's only moving his issues to somewhere else. I intend to read the book too, to give me an even better understanding of his condition that has torn us apart.

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Sophie

5/6/2013 09:32:16 pm

Ruby you are an inspiration - no matter what has happened so far in life we can choose a new path with the help of mindfulness & therapy. I'm off to go find your book in the bookstore. Thank you for sharing with us!

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Caroline

6/6/2013 08:34:34 am

I have an idea for drop in support groups if you're interested? I know how helpful this could be.

I have Sane New World right here in my little Nook. Ever contrary, I bought Nook in a bid not to buy every single damn thing on Amazon. Now it looks like Nook will go. Ha! So meanwhile, I buy Kindle and convert. Yes, I try to avoid this rigmarole. I am human. This business made me more than keen to revert to real print & paper books. Aaanyway, I'm reading Sane New World (and the paperback is on its way - I'm bound to want to press this on someone. In the last 9 months, some of the best things I ever did in 54 years have occurred: 1 CBT and 2 Mindfulness Courses. With the NHS (I have the condition of bipolar). All based on Williams/Kabat-Zinn/Perlman's work. Practising this stuff is the best 'life manual' anyone could give themselves, you're right. I've got a few relevant books/cds and then I heard you on BBC Radio London. Your book would be a laugh and a wise reading investment. I'm not disappointed (I loved Ab Fab). Anyway, I'm on '24 of 150' as I'm told electronically. Can't wait for paperback, to experience this tour de force, er, more mindfully. Excuse huge reply; I got into writing it. ;-) x

I became a fan of yours when I was a teenager enjoying 'Ruby Wax meets... ' (and subsequently lost track of your career, no offence!) Unfortunately since then I've developed serious depression.

By chance I just discovered you're performing a show in Johannesburg in January where I'm based. In searching to find out what the show is about I learnt how you're career is progressed from the wacky humor I remembered to the direction your work has now taken.

I also see you will be doing a book reading in Cape Town next week which I would love to attend but unfortunately it is a little far for me.

I was wondering if you are performing a reading in Johannesburg soon. I again happened to find out by chance about the book reading in CT not through google, but by being on the book lounge mailing list, unfortunately if you are performing in JHB and I'm not on the right mailing list... I probably wont be able to find out about it.