Opening up willingness

I have been sharing with you recently my own journey, of having a hernia operation three weeks ago, the fear and vulnerability I felt about having surgery, and now that I am recovering, I feel a new project in the birth canal, and part of me is very scared to give birth.

What I am aware of right now is so often when I am at a significant threshold, as I feel I am now, how there are parts of me that are very unwilling to move forward. I recognise it is my own fear, my own lack and faith and trust in myself and in Life that is the biggest problem. I feel like

I am being beckoned to move forward and I am refusing to step up. It would be easy for me to blame circumstances and people in my life. I can often feel it is something out side of me that is unwilling. What I have needed to own and acknowledge now is that the biggest unwillingness is actually within me.

My belief is that Life wants us to evolve and unwrap more of ourselves, our gifts and abilities, but it we often we who are unwilling. Paradoxically, we are afraid of how good things can get, how successful we could be. We don’t feel worthy or confident. We feel we can’t handle things.

A pivotal quote that I came across around 20 years ago was from the clergyman Philip Brooks and it became a pivotal thought in opening my mind to another way of thinking about prayer, and another way of looking at our relationship with a higher power. He wrote, “Prayer is not the overcoming of God’s reluctance, but the taking hold of God’s willingness.”

I am currently working with letting go of my own unwillingness to being more open, my fears of letting go of the past, and confidence to move into more flow, to less controlling and more confident.

Does any of this ring a bell with you?

I would love to hear how you recognise your own unwillingess to change

Comments

Some years back I ended at in A&E with pneumonia that had me a bees whisker from the next big adventure. I recorded a video and made lots of notes because I was in such a humbled position. I was even more grateful when I pulled through. I emerged with lots of resolve to change.

I wanted to slow down and give myself more time to smell the roses and appreciate life.

But life takes over again and I reverted to the default setting: busy. I have an active mind and I love projects and so busy is my default setting. I am only grateful I made a video when I was in a highly grateful state. I watch it when I go off track.

I think you need support to make changes that are counter-default. I probably should have started a support group or attended your functions. But I think left to your own devices it can feel harder to course correct.

Thanks Andrew – what a lovely story – and how wonderful that you could make video and are able to remind yourself. It is one thing to have the awarenesses, and another to stay in touch with them – I am imagining that in weeks and months to come, I will probably look back say to myself, “What was I making such a fuss about!?”

Thank you as ever for sharing Nick – I appreciate the strength of the physical block that perhaps you’ve manifested, and I’ve been exploring how my own resistance shows up. It can of course be a powerful and dark shadow – mine showed up as a dream last night – watching a recently deceased friend of mine trying to fly a cumbersome bi-plane with some articulated lorry in tow but crashing into the sea where I attempted to salvage something of the cargo…one to work on with my Jungian analyst perhaps – the unconscious is a fascinating resource once we’ve tapped into it. Lastly I was helping my daughter with an art project and found myself saying that “artists need to find a way to say YES to what they create” – it’s that “Yes..and..” encouragement which keeps the door ajar – an enabling voice which allows some light in.

Thanks for having the courage to share this with us Nick. Much of this does ring a bell with me as we are all on our own unique journey that often uses the same or similar roads to others. Coming together in this group I guess we will find many who are similar paths of self discovery and mastery.

In particular what does resonate with me is the blaming others for the lack of our own progress and always believing that things could be so much better if………… fill in your own script here.

I guess it is no surprise that this posting comes the morning after the major eclipse that we had in the skies at 1:54 this morning This is written about so beautifully by Pam Younghans on her web site http://www.northpointastrology.com/ where you will need to subscribe to her free weekly blog. It is well worth it I find getting a heads up on the week ahead. If anyone wants to see this weeks version please let me know and I can forward it to you.

This brought about much change and a requirement for us to either breakthrough or breakdown old patterns and habits we have been carrying for years, maybe a lifetime or even many lifetimes. I am feeling a great deal coming up to be released and let go off that has been holding me back for a long while. I had the image this morning of a high jumper who was self taught. He or she can jump over the bar up to a certain height and then they need to get training from an expert and learn a style and techniques that can help them progress and unless they do this there will be a much lover limit to which they can jump. So we are all being asked I believe to take a look at our skills and ask for the help we need to be bale to make progress and move about our own self limiting beliefs and abilities.

and of course these take us right back to the wise words of Marianne Williamson that say ” Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others”

Thanks for sharing Nick and being vulnerable enabling many of us to get in touch with our own vulnerability.

Thanks for your thoughts Jon. Yes, it did seem like the major eclipse stirred up a lot. Apparently as a Piscean it affected me particularly. And thanks for the reminder of Mariannes words – I am afraid still of my light.

Hi Baiju good to hear from you. You seem to be doing a pretty good job of stepping up and stepping out from what I can see – my major advice would be to do it out of self-love rather than being unkind to yourself. Hope to see you next week.

A few years ago, I was living in London for several years and actually had the opportunity to hear you speak but after the loss of my husband moved back to America. I am currently rebuilding my life at 67; a coaching practice, travel planner and foundation in honour of my husband. However, my greatest fear in moving forward is my age, exhaustion and memory. Although, I know that as we age things does seem to wind down a bit. Although, I know the reality of this happening, I still have the urge to move forward but fear does hold me back.

Hi Gloria, lovely to connect again – yes, as you probably know I am a great advocate of baby steps rather than trying to force big leaps. So just focus on the next step and see what you can and want to do. Yes, I think as we age, we are powerful i different ways and hopefully not running around like we were as youngsters!

Your posts generally reach me over morning coffee, and they provide a thoughtful engagement to start my day with. I appreciate your honesty in exploring these issues within yourself.

Regarding this post, I am so familiar with that ghost of fear that holds me back at the threshold of opening up to new layers of life, and of myself. I can be so excited by an idea or a plan, but the moment it looks as if things might be coming together to move forward, I am filled with scurrying doubts, seeing myself as insufficient to the task, brazen and foolish, unwanted by the world!

One thing that helps me is to keep writing it out, to get to the root expression of that fear, so that I can expose it.

Another thing that works for me, especially when I am deeply entangled in these knots of fear – is to just breathe it out and relinquish my hold on it – and then ask my higher power to send me insight so that I can move forward, even into the next moment if that is all I can manage.

And usually, that insight comes; the perspective that allows me to remember that all is truly well. I think this is where our confidence lies – in this knowledge that nothing is wrong, it is all Okay!

Thanks Jan – so pleased to be reaching you across the Atlantic – I like to say that inspiration has an “evil twin” – what I call resistance, which shows in so many ways, and unwillingness being just one of them. whenever there is inspiration, resistance will never be far away! Great that you are so aware of it and just keep taking those steps

Hello Nick, best wishes for continued recovery! Thank you for sharing this, and yes it resonates greatly with me. I’ve been experiencing a huge shift this last year, selling my home and moving forward.

My unwillingness to change can be very visceral, I can almost feel myself digging my heels in. At the same time my thoughts fly to the ‘what if’ scenarios, and so the dance begins.

Over time, as I question and explore the benefits of change, something shifts internally, and I start to feel more open and receptive to what’s next. I find myself literally opening my arms and chest wide in a gesture of trust, faith and receptiveness to receive. God’s willingness indeed.

Bless you – thanks Cathy – I am still sore, but recovering well. I still find it fascinating how my ego doesn’t want change, even if change is for the “better.” Its quite a journey having an ego, isn’t it?! I am increasing my willingness to have my life get even better, so I can contribute even more. Yes, I do recognise that visceral sense.

Hi nick, thanks for sharing your experience. I have lost my dad in the last few weeks and have felt a huge range of emotions. I felt that i received a surge of motivation just before my dad died and now i feel a real responsibility to do him proud.

Hi Nick
I am glad your are doing well and for sure it will get better. I guess sickness take us out of the working doing automatic mode and the need to help others and place the attention on ourselves forcing us to face unresolved issues we have pushed aside and this is not comfortable at all. It looks like we are very good solving the problems of others but not our own.
Many times we have to remain ourselves that is really important to take care of ourselves or we won’t be help to anybody.
Change is not ease since is more a habit than an ego, and habits even if they are healthy and served us well in the past they can became a challenge in the present. Remember to be grateful to those habits and ego because they contribute to get you where you are now. A healthy ego is necessary to deal with challenges in the world, so be kind to yourself.
God Bless and keep you well

Thanks, Nick. I feel you. My unwillingness shows up in the form of not editing and posting the blog draft that I did. Not editing and posting the two minites of me talking into the camera. Not posting on linked in or medium. Not putting myself out there to be read and judged. And then I see other people writing about something that one of my unpublished posts is about and I have both an excitement and a resentment, and I find myself judging their article. That of course, is simply a reflection of what I have going on inside. So it seems my unwillingness is all about my old friend self-judgement. We’ve had a long relationship and we’re still working things out. Thanks for the inspiration.