What? No snarky Goth?? They may have reneged on "Weird Al" but it looks like The Cartoon Network is still very much in the spoof business. Last night, during an episode of "Children's Hospital," a preview of the upcoming action series "National Terrorism Strike Force: San Diego: Sports Utility Vehicle." Or "NTSF: SD: SUV" for short(er). The action series stars Paul Scheer as a Jack Bauer/David Caruso hybrid, and Rob Riggle as a general/terrorist or something. I think what we should all focus on here is the fact that the team employs a rocket launcher-touting chef. Not enough shows have that. Check out the preview after the jump….

Two weeks ago on "True Blood": Another body showed up, head missing. Sookie went to a werewolf bar with a cool werewolf (Alcide). Bill agreed to help the King of Mississippi screw over the Queen of Louisiana. Sam's redneck family got plastered on chick drinks at his bar. Jason contemplated a career in law enforcement. Tara f*cked the mysterious new vampire in town (Frank). Frank blackmailed Jess. Sam's brother tried to rob him. Bill mutilated Lorena's body while he fucked her in some weird-ass kinky vampire sex. This week starts with Sookie cleaning Alcide's wounds. He whines. She flirts. Bill calls. He's like, "Sookah, I can no longah handle the gap in your teeth. We&rsquo;re through." Lorena is smirking in the background, so unfortunately she survived Bill's hate f*ck.MORE AFTER THE JUMP…

Check out "Cool Dad."Phew! Looks like we'll get a sequel to The Ghost Writer afterall. That was a close one. Government officials in Switzerland have decided to free Roman Polanski after seven months of house arrest. The Swiss had planned to expedite the famed director to the U.S. where he would serve a prison sentence for drugging and raping a 13-year old girl in 1977, but have now declined to do so because of a fault in America's application for his extradition.Great. Way to drop the ball, guys. There's no way he's going to fall for the whole we want to give you a lifetime achievement award again. Now our only option for capturing him is to dress Dog the Bounty Hunter as a schoolgirl, and drop him in the Alps. It's a crazy plan, but right crazy is the best hope we've got. (NY Times)

Paramount has snatched up an untitled pitch that turns Victor Hugo's classic "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" into an action/comedy. The novel, published in 1831, "is set in the 15th century and centers on the tragic romance between Quasimodo, the deformed bell-ringer of the Notre Dame cathedral in Paris, and the gypsy woman Esmeralda."Disney already brought cripples to children's attention with the animated version of The Hunchback in 1996. Not only did Quasi land the girl, but he had a voice like a nightingale. In an action/comedy take, the pairing of "deformed bell-ringer and gypsy" will be the new "criminal disguised as cop and cop in need of making a big case." They should just remake Blue Streak instead. It's been eleven years already. (Variety)

When David Gordon Green picked up the rights to Taking Flight: The Hunt For A Young Outlaw, it was uncertain how the story would end. As of today, we have that resolution. After a three year manhunt, Colton Harris-Moore was finally captured by police in the Bahamas after stealing a plane, crashing it, leading authorites on a high-speed boat chase, before engaging them in a shoot out. How metal is this kid? I wouldn't be surprised if he somehow escaped by switching faces with a federal agent.No word yet on who will play Harris-Moore aka The Barefoot Bandit aka The Shoeless Asshole in Green's adaptation, but we'll keep you posted when Danny McBride, Adam Scott, Aziz Ansari, James Franco, Will Ferrell, and Nicolas Cage inevitably join the cast. (AFP)

No shoes on the couch please. Here's a sexier, red bandier look at George Gallo's Middle Men. I'm guessing this trailer exists for anyone skeptical that the movie would feature F-bombs and boobies. Upon reviewing this footage, I can say it most certainly does. As well as some housewives with bigger things on their minds than light dusting. And perhaps hottest of all, Kevin… Pollak… FAPPING. Now that I've piqued your desire to a fever pitch, I won't waste anymore of your time with words. ON TO THE SWEET, SWEET IMAGES AFTER THE JUMP…

Here's a rumor from the "so stupid it might be true" department. &ldquo;Reliable sources&rdquo; are claiming that rapper Joaquin Phoenix, who actually started out as an actor, may replace Ed Norton as the Incredible Hulk in The Avengers.On Friday, Marvel started a war of words, claiming that it dropped Norton from the project in order to find "an actor who embodies the creativity and collaborative spirit of our other talented cast members.&rdquo; Given that description, is Joaquin Phoenix really the guy you want?Don't get me wrong; I don't doubt the creativity of a man who's spent the past year looking like a drug-addled version of Judge Roy Bean. But considering he can barely make it through a one-on-one interview with David Letterman, does Phoenix really "embody" the "collaborative spirit" you're looking for? Well, does it, Marvel? ANSWER ME? (Cinema Blend)

Meeee-ow! Looks like we've got ourselves a good old-fashioned catfight! Except instead of two hot women scratching and clawing, we've got an agent from William Morris pissing and moaning about some dork at a comic book company. Actually, that doesn't sound like a catfight at all. It sounds a whole lot sexier! On Friday, Marvel announced that Edward Norton, who clashed with the studio during the making of The Incredible Hulk, will not be part of The Avengers. The press release stated that the decision was not monitary, but was instead &ldquo;rooted in the need for an actor who embodies the creativity and collaborative spirit of our other talented cast members.&rdquo; For those of you who don't speak Hollywood, that roughly translates to "go f**k yourself, you insufferable twit." Not one to take things lying down, Norton responded like any other red-blooded male, and quickly had his agent, Brian Swardstrom, issue a strongly worded rebuttal. Swardstrom attacked Marvel head on, using big words like defamatory, mean spirited and accusatory. That's right, accusatory! I haven't seen a war of words like this since Biggie and Tupac. If cooler heads don't prevail, I fear someone might get their glasses broken, or maybe even work themselves up into an asthmatic frenzy. (Collider) Read the strongly worded letter from Edward Norton's agent in its entirety after the jump.

Seeing dollar signs in all things faaaaaaabulous, Universal is moving forward with a film adaptation of the Broadway musical hit Wicked. The movie will take the Wicked Witch of the West back to high school, where she is terrorized by the popular Glinda the Good Witch.The studio is taking meetings with a few directors, ranging from the awesome to the willing to make this kind of movie. First up, The potential directors are JJ Abrams, James Mangold, Rob Marshall, and "Glee's" Ryan Murphy. I really don't see Abrams hopping aboard this one due to his busy schedule of not sucking. The other three seem more well-suited for the material, given their experience with bringing musicals to film. I did notice that Universal has seemed to overlook Adam Shankman. He's probably sitting somewhere crying his eyes out over this snub. But in all fairness, he cries while watching "The Bachelorette." (Deadline)

A cartoon supervillain easily defeated all challengers in this weekend's box office showdown, making short work of vampires, werewolves and even alien predators.Despicable Me dominated, pulling in $60.1 million from 3,476 theaters. In its second weekend, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse brought in an impressive $33.4 million, taking second place, while Predators came in third, taking in $25.3 million during its big-screen début.Typical. This could only happen in Hollywood. In real life, the Predators would easily destroy everything in their path, and the vampires and werewolves would have no problem with a cartoon supervillain. It wouldn't even be close. Now if you'll excuse me, mother needs to check my browser history to make sure I haven't been looking at pictures of naked women. As if! (Coming Soon)

Holy crap, Saturday is jam-packed. Thursday and Friday are bringing the events as well, but Saturday makes them look like booths at an interior designer convention. We're talking Green Lantern, Captain America: The First Avenger, Thor, Sucker Punch, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Let Me In, Resident Evil Afterlife, Paul, Cowboys & Aliens, and on the TV side, "Futurama," "The Simpsons," "Community," "Family Guy," and "LOST" for some reason. I'm going to have to find a secret nook in Hall H to avoid the madness of standing in line. I'm not saying I'll be inside the baby grand piano, but just don't look there.Check out the Saturday highlights after the jump.

I'd say he took the news rather well.Marvel Studios recently gave Edward Norton a polite f*ck off by informing the actor they wouldn't need him to reprise his role of The Hulk in the upcoming The Avengers movie to be directed by Joss Whedon. The studio is looking to cast an unknown, a.k.a. someone they can pay with turkey sandwiches. According to HitFix, this wasn't Norton or Whedon's idea, as the pair had recently shared their enthusiasm with Marvel about Norton returning. Norton even cleared out his day planner for the project, using puffy Hulk stickers to mark the dates he'd need open for shooting.This news doesn't come as much of a surprise considering Marvel is notorious for dumping actors in favor of the almighty dollar. They probably figure they've already got Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Scarlett Johansson, Samuel L. Jackson, Chris Hemsworth, Don Cheadle, and Jeremy Renner, so people are going to get their asses to the theater whether Norton's in it or not. Also, during the making of The Incredible Hulk, Norton and Marvel butted heads over almost every aspect of the film. Maybe the studio is just trying to prevent the same from happening on The Avengers. Joss Whedon would put Norton in a coma with that alien-like cranium of his.

If you loved playing Contra back in the day then you're definitely going to dig this new arcade game based off the upcoming The Expendables. The music alone instantly transported me back to my wood-paneled basement and tube television.You can play as Barney Ross, Lee Christmas or Yin Yang in full 8-bit glory. Beat the game as Yin Yang to unlock Bonus Mode for a chance to see alternate endings and easter eggs. Make it onto the Top 10 All-Time High Scores list for official Expendables swag from Lionsgate and Break. If you have some time to kill, kill some rebels using characters with limited mobility. Shooting up, down, forward, or diagonally is all you get, and it's nostalgically awesome.Check out the game HERE. All you have to do is hit the "Like" button and you're on your way.

Thank you Internet. Thank you for all that you do.We've got even more X-Men: First Class casting news to share today. Earlier in the week, we learned that Beast and Banshee had been cast. Today, we have news that actor/master sculptor Kevin Bacon is in talks to play the film's as-of-now-unrevealed villian.But who will Bacon play? I hate not knowing. Will he be some dickhead general, or a self-hating mutant with the power of invisibility and radical dance moves? Too soon to tell, though online chatter and speculation has him playing Mr. Sinister, a powerful mutant who gains his abilities by stealing others' "genetic material." Sick, dude. Just like that director-marrier Milla Jovovich. (Deadline)

HBO's Martin Scorsese-produced, Terence Winter-created Steve Buscemi as a bad ass gangsta Prohibition drama series will debut Sunday, September 19 at 9PM. Buscemi plays "the undisputed ruler of Atlantic City and town Treasurer, Enoch &ldquo;Nucky&rdquo; Thompson, who is described as &ldquo;a political fixer and backroom dealer who is equal parts politician and gangster and equally comfortable in either role." Check out the trailer here. I've already set a series recording on my DVR.

First we were graced with the man smacks montage, and now we have men crying. I'm uncertain about all these displays of emotion from the male gender. I was always told to keep that stuff way down deep inside of you until one day you can't take it anymore and you buy a Porsche. (Vulture)

Clappin' all night in this bitch.Thanks to better than expected DVD sales, richy-richerson James Cameron is set to earn $350 million dollars from Avatar. That's a record breaking number for a director to make from one film, and well over a thousand times more than what a blogger can earn annually for writing pithy articles about movie-making on the Internet. But that doesn't matter to me. It's really my passion for Photoshop that keeps me going.The $350 million figure far outpaces the $97 million that Cameron earned for Titanic. That number will climb, of course, when he re-releases a 3D version of Titanic later this year (after re-releasing Avatar). We need a new term to accurately describe that amount of money. It's not f*ck you money, it's f*ck the continent of Asia money. (Deadline)

After a bomb diggity Thursday schedule for Comic-Con 2010, the Friday schedule is sure to make your nerd boner deflate to half-stalk. Not to say there aren't events worth getting excited about, but none of them are about Tron. Some of the bigger panels will be for Drive Angry 3D, "The Walking Dead," Piranha 3D, The Other Guys, and The Green Hornet. I was expecting Friday to take me to Hell and back, but it looks like it'll just take me to Hell. I meant for that to sound like it would be less stressful. Whatever, you get it. It's also Star Wars day on Friday. I don't expect to cover much of that because the plastic casing on my Stormtrooper costume is cracked and I don't want to look like an idiot.Check out some of the Friday highlights after the jump.

Alanna Ubach has played many comedic parts over the years from raunchy waitress in Waiting… to ditzy best friend of Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blonde. These days she shows off her surprisingly toned body on HBO's "Hung" where she plays neighbor with Thomas Jane and his well-endowed gift. Look for her next year putting her vocal talents to good use with Johnny Depp in the digital animated Rango. A word from Alanna: "When I get a role, I try to delve as deeply as possible into the character. I act with my gut instincts." A modern day Brando, everyone. Maybe one day she'll go crazy too.More pics of neighbor Alanna after the jump.

What a sicko.Between "True Blood," "Six Feet Under," and that time he suffocated a hobo, it's obvious that Alan Ball has a fascination with death. But don't take my word for it:&ldquo;Obviously death is a theme I&rsquo;m fascinated by.&rdquo;Thanks Alan. His attraction to blood on the outside of bodies is ruling his work once more with the news that HBO has greenlighted his pilot "All Signs Of Death." Based on the novel The Mystic Arts of Erasing All Signs of Death by Ball's homie Charlie Huston, "Death" tells the story of a slacker crime scene cleaner who becomes embroiled in the underbelly of L.A.. You know what that means: murder, dangerous women, and strip malls that don't house five-star restaurants. I know, so sleazy.

Christopher Nolan has the film world in the palm of his hand. After taking Batman in a bold direction, Nolan can pretty much have any project he wants, and make any actor do whatever he wants. If he were to reboot Air Bud, it wouldn't be long before franchise teams actually began drafting housepets. If he were to take on Big Momma's House, Martin Lawrence would actually gain the weight and spring for the operation. Sh*t, I bet he could even turn in a decent xXx film. He's that good. So the news that he wants to direct a Bond film has me really stoked. He tells the BBC:&ldquo;I&rsquo;ve loved the Bond films since I was a kid. For me, they&rsquo;re always about the expansiveness of cinema. The first Bond films set up infinite possibilities about the world they create. I&rsquo;d love to do a Bond film.&rdquo;This is merely conjecture at this point. With Bond 23 in financial turnaround and another Batman film next on Nolan's docket, it could be a long time before we see this become a reality. But don't give up hope. If the stars align and if there's a role for Michael Caine, this could become a pretty cool reality. (via Deadline)

The Batmobile has been spotted. That fact alone should make headlines.But what makes the matter even more interesting is the fact that the iconic car turned up on the set of the upcoming Arthur remake, starring Russel Brand. This could mean one of two things. Either the vehicle (which appears to be the model from Batman Forever) is one of several classic cars belonging to the titular character, or Batman himself dropped by the set because he's a huge fan of the Arthur franchise. Only time will tell.(Spoiler Alert: Bruce Wayne is Batman)When you think about it, Arthur Bach and Bruce Wayne are basically the same character. Both men are troubled millionaires who rely on their butlers as substitute father figures, and both are complex characters hiding behind the facade of a drunken playboy. The only real difference is that one is a deranged sociopath who spends his time ruthlessly pursuing a terrifying clown-like villain (played by Liza Minnelli), and the other is Batman. (Collider)

Yesterday we saw Colin Farrell sporting a combover for Horrible Bosses, and now we've got a first look at Jeff Bridges wearing an eye patch for The Coen Brothers' True Grit. Oh those silly actors and their dress-up make believe fun time. Bridges plays alcoholic U.S. Marshal Rooster Cogburn in the re-adaptation of the Charles Portis novel.The original adaptation starred John Wayne in the role of Rooster, who teams up with a 14-year old girl to avenge her father's murder. Hailey Steinfeld plays the girl, Mattie Ross, this time around, and Matt Damon and Josh Brolin are also on board as a Texas Ranger and the murderer respectively. The film opens Christmas Day. I just basically wrote the formula for an Oscar nomination. Especially since Bridges has the drunk character thing on lock. If you win an Oscar twice for playing a drunk do you have to go to AAA? That's Acting Alcoholics Anonymous for all you sober non-thespians out there. Don't worry, my writing packet is already in the mail to Leno. Check out more pics of Bridges as Rooster after the jump.

Uncanny.Nicholas Hoult is about to become a favorite amongst furries everywhere. The young actor (About A Boy, A Single Man, "Skins") has accepted the role of young Kelsey Grammer Beast in X-Men: First Class. The role originally went to Benjamin Walker until the studio fired him. And then rehired him. And then he quit. And then he had a light dinner. Followed that with some X-Box before bed.Also aboard the project is Caleb Landry Jones aka Kid On Bike in No Country For Old Men as Banshee. Speculation is rampant today that Kick-Ass's Aaron Johnson will play Cyclops. The news comes from some anonymous guy on the Internet so you know it's true. Take it from me, another anonymous guy on the Internet. (Deadline)

Comic-Con descends upon San Diego in two weeks, and Screen Junkies will be there every step of the way getting stepped on by costumed freaks in pursuit of footage. Luckily, Summit isn't showcasing a Twilight panel this year, so we won't have to worry about Twihards ripping off our genitals in an effort to bum rush Hall H. Make sure you continually reload SJ's homepage July 21-25 for the latest Comic-Con updates. My fingers are crossed I can pick up a wireless signal in the Convention Center, or else I'll have to start eliminating bloggers, thus boosting bandwith.Check out some of the Thursday highlights after the jump.