Okay so i do have a journal and it’s floating around here somewhere but i’m finding that everytime im posting im just not motivated to keep journaling on here. It’s my old journal so it has my highs and lows from the past. I’m thinking that starting a new one might keep me on the track i want to be on.

Day 1.

Today i woke up preety hung over from a party i went to last night. You know the morning after you feel dehydrated and hungry. Well i felt like that and all i wanted was a big glass of fizzy pop and lots of food. I gave in to temptation and had about 3 pints of fizzy pop but i didn’t have any chocolate. I did however have a massive sunday dinner followed by 2 packet of crisps.

Im constantly feelig low all the time so i’ve decided to drink borocca every morning. This is a milti vitamin tablet which you add to water. Im hoping its going to pick up my mood so i wont feel like eating all the time.

Im hoping to stear away from those massive binges but lets hope that starting this new journal helps.

Drink down- im feeling more awake and more aware of things around me. That may sound weird but it’s just the only way i can describe it. Previously i would find it hard to think straight. Maybe its because of my bad diet or me not having the best sleeping pattern but either way if i try and tackle everything i should start moving forward.

I have given in to chocolate today already. It was half an easter egg (yes i still have easter eggs) But as soon as ive finished it, i felt guilty which is why ive come to write in my journal. Everytime i come on here it makes me realise the situation that i am in. I just need to get in control of things but it’s so hard.

Okay so i didn’t come online yesterday, or the day before. I think in a way i am scared of this forum. It means i have to come face to face with the truth about my eating and i just can’t deal with the fact that i can’t do anything about it anymore.

I was looking at this picture today that someone posted of me on facebook and well its only when i seen it, that i came to the realiseation of what i really look like. The truth really does hurt. I’m really not happy.

I don’t know why i just can’t push myself like i use to do. Is it becuase i am stressed, or i have other things to worry about but the truth is that this is the thing that bothers me the most but i just cant control it.

I’ve been trying to distrcat myself but it just encourages me to think about food more which then inturn makes me want to eat more and that makes an even bigger guilt feeling afterwards.

Its a vishious circle that i cant get out of .

Stoopid food!! why can’t we live of something else?

Im gunna try and keep a clear mind for the rest of the day and see where it gets me. If i take each day as it comes i will be making little steps at a time. It might be more managable.

Totally recommend the Barocca, I take those too, and it helps a lot to get me motivated and moving.

I’m sorry you’re struggling, and that the picture made you miserable… but why not try turning it on its head? Like, say with that picture, maybe you could see it as a sign that you can change, and your goal could be to be happy with the next photos you see on facebook? I hope I’m making sense!

I know – it is scary to come back here and say ‘I messed up’… but you know something? We’ve all done it, and we’re all here with a common purpose, wherever we happen to be on our journey and however long we’ve suffered. Sorry, that came out really cheesy, but that wasn’t how I meant it to sound!

heyyy custy, glad to see you are still kicking about! i hope you keep posting online, even if you don’t always have something positive to say. i know it really helped me a lot a few months ago, i would post here every morning just to give myself a bit of a pep talk for the day. hope you stick with it this time chicklet. we all like hearing from you xoxo