We are lost ones, no doubt. Without purpose, we roam earth in circles as though in limbo. In search of purpose, I arrive not at myself, but rather what I can do for others. The reason why nothing works is because I’ve asked the wrong questions about my own direction. Rather than asking what I can do to better myself, I needed to ask what I needed to do to better the world around me. How can I contribute to the universe with my God-given talents? When I removed the focus away from myself, only then did purpose become a little less cloudy.

to what purpose
may i be used?
when readiness
persists upon
days sans rain
or shine; and
drafty rooms
with soot on
windows make
impossible to
diffuse light
from inside. how
can i breach this
shadow hanging
over the world’s
shoulders when it
is only i against
those great beasts
of the night? what
sword must i
brandish to intimidate
fear into submission?
how will i be used
when i stumble
before greatness
and i fall before i
can answer the call?
is it too late or is
this the beginning
of it all?

We all have a destiny to fulfill; a purpose in life. The minute we declare such things, life seems to be an easier ride. Suddenly we can give more, care more, be more to people– to each other. I realize that sometimes it isn’t really clear as to what our purpose is. We are contained with so much talent that half the time we are confused, conflicted about how to position ourselves in this world. Nevertheless, I do believe that internal chaos is part of our journey. We must at least try to discover what it is we are meant to do for one another as we share this earth, breathe its fabulous air. And the thing is, if we listen hard enough to the silences, God yields us those moments. All we have to do is try to connect.

upon my skeleton, upon my
heart, a map of the sky–
a ceiling into your mind
whose chapel-like silence
urge me on my knees… I bow
my head in reverence for
the world– for God and I
are one in this moment,
as my thoughts elevate;
He and I intertwined long
even in the afterthought,
the simple nods and persistent
disengagements I battle with
in pursuit to bridge the distance,
shorten this discourse of
mine unknown. I shall bow
again and again before this
moment whose reason lead me
to fairness and justice,
towards truth that releases
me from the prison of my skin,
back to that skeleton where
scratched under the sinews
lies my destiny to fulfill

This new year began with an inquisition… an attack on character. I was caught off-guard, unprepared to defend myself and it seemed that the barrage of insults would not stop. I tried to dodge them, but it seemed that it would just topple me over to the next day and the next day after that as though I was a politician caught in the middle of a smear campaign. Why that was foremost in my mind, I don’t know. Why all these things were coming up, while the year really have yet to open up, I could only hope that God has greater plans ahead of me.

I cannot dodge anymore than what I already have. It seems that I am made like David for Goliath. I like to think that I have a destiny to fulfill like Neo in The Matrix… that I would believe enough to stop the bullets fired at me. Indeed, this may be the case, but what I learned today was that there needs to be wholehearted love for ourselves. A love of our self. Totally overlooked all these years, but this is the true armor, this is the cloak that daggers cannot penetrate. A love for me. Why not love ourselves for a change, show compassion, kindness and respect for ourselves, our spirit, so that we may do the greater work, perform the ultimate mission. That when we learn to love ourselves, then we can unload the love for this world.

the grand inquisition
cannot stop me
Love,
what love there is
left inside me–
cultivated and grown
and yet microscopic
invisible even to me
(or hardly had I noticed)
the steps, the bullets taken
on behalf of my shame
I have injured my spirit
inhaling the blame
and how could I stand
knowing I was somewhere
lost in the translation!
words are words
that cannot hurt me
look first into my eyes–
try to sink me,
but if my truth weigh more,
it shall sink you.