HERE COMES PIZZAZZ!!

"ONE! Singular sensation...every little step he takes!" Oh, hello everyone. I'm Wm. Steven Humphrey, editor of the Portland Mercury. It has come to my attention that Portland, Oregon is completely crammed with people who are literally brimming with talent. Singers, dancers, baton twirlers, strippers...the choices are endless! And yet all too often, these terrific entertainers are confined to the shadows; their great talent withering because they are never allowed to bloom in the light of day, and perform before a live audience. It's a GOD-DAMN SHAME!

That's where the Mercury comes in! This August, we'll be hosting an all-city talent show aptly entitled "Pizzazz!" where Portland's most talented will show the world how they strut their stuff for a chance to win fabulous prizes as well as perform at Seattle's Bumbershoot festival!

What kind of "talents" are we looking for? Well, how about...

 tap dancing

 ukulele playing

 an 8-year-old singing the blues

 jump roping

 hot dog eating

 juggling

 magician-ing

 break dancing

 "burp talking"

 mind reading

 animal training

 celebrity impersonating

...you name it, that's what we're looking for!

Here are the very simple rules: Your talent must take LESS than five minutes to perform. You cannot have more than four people assisting you with your talent. A CD player will be provided for singers and dancers (no complicated set-ups). The winner of Pizzazz! will win great prizes, as well as receive a paid trip to Seattle to represent Portland at the Northwest Pizzazz! finals at Bumbershoot on September 3, where you can win even bigger prizes!

To become a contestant in PDX Pizzazz!, you must audition, and these will be held on July 31, from the hours of 11-4. Email pizzazzpdx@portlandmercury.com with your name, daytime phone number, and a brief description of your talent. We'll email you back an audition timeslot!

See? It's that easy! And winning the Pizzazz! Talent Show is your first step to stardom. So dazzle us, and enter today! WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY