Friday, November 6, 2015

The Benefits Within and Beyond the Journey of Grief

WRESTLING is something we become
accustomed to in loss; that, or we capitulate into a swimming mess. That teary
puddle on the floor. And teary puddles are also part of wrestling.

Are there benefits in the grief we
experience in loss?

I think there are…

I think they’re summarised in the
love of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience that the
apostle Paul talks about in Colossians
3:12-14.

***

1.Compassion: God puts us in touch with pain. Not just ours. Others’ pain, in
our region and all over the world, comes much closer, and then into direct
view. Compassion is the power of perspective in the power of God that gives us a
perspective of power: the broadness of hope, joy and peace. Compassion comes
with perspective. Grief teaches compassion. It nullifies coldness.

2.Kindness: we learn not only kindness toward others, but God teaches us
kindness for ourselves. And we can only really be kind to others when we’ve
learned to be kind to ourselves. When we’re floored by such a thing as grief,
the kindness that God teaches us to have for ourselves becomes its own benefit.
When we have nothing left of ourselves we should quickly learn kindness for ourselves.
Paradoxically, self-kindness is at the opposite end of the spectrum of
self-pity. Self-pity is self-destructive, but self-kindness builds us up in the
experience of the gentle grace of God. Grief teaches kindness. It nullifies
greed.

3.Humility: we grow in humility. We’re expunged of our selfishness and our
passions are tempered. Our learned compassion teaches us to be less
self-absorbed. We can be satisfied in becoming nothing without getting upset
about it. Life doesn’t have to be all about us. Grief teaches humility. It
nullifies pride.

4.Gentleness: tempered. In one word. What we do to take the brittle hardness
out of the hardest metal is to temper it. Tempering metal makes it so its hardness
isn’t a liability, but a strength; tempered metal is tough. Gentleness is a
toughness that’s pliable and softly resilient. A gentle tongue can break bones
(Proverbs 25:15; cf. Isaiah 42:3-4), meaning true gentleness is incredibly
influential. Gentleness is toughness for functioning through further, future
griefs. Grief teaches gentleness. It nullifies fury.

5.Patience: acceptance is something we come to in grief, praise God. Our
grief isn’t always found in those tortuous positions of shock, denial and
anger. Patience is a competency of maturity; it’s a blessing for the hard work
of growth; a reward for persistence. Grief teaches patience. It nullifies rile.