Vanessa showed me another insane fact about womens’ clothing (aside from the wrong-sided buttons thing). Their jeans only come with novelty-sized tiny pockets! These pockets can’t hold a cellphone most of the time. Just ridiculous. Who knew? (aside from the women)

Be careful when throwing a stick to your dog. You might be violating the patent on sticks. This is why I like clear, simple language. Words like “utilize” and “apparatus” are useless. Why couldn’t you say “use” or “device”? Because you want to “impress” or “confuse” people. If people had to submit patents in 6th-grader language, maybe we’d have fewer crazy ones like this.