Annual NRA Pow-Wow

Water, water, everywhere water. Know it, embrace it, manage it or drown. Same goes for cars, trucks, chainsaws, knives, crowbars, blowtorches, teakettles and guns. Based on the inept, clumsy, irresponsible failure of braindead, uncoordinated nitwits, I will not be denied the pragmatic, functional utility of anything.

I will not drown, drink and drive, chainsaw massacre anyone, stumble, slice, burn or shoot myself, nor will I ever hold up a bank. So the best advice would be to think, improvise, adapt and overcome, man-up, but by all means, leave me the hell alone. You don’t ban electric guitars just because someone may have a lapse in logic, goodwill and decency and spontaneously break out into country and western music. The vast majority of sensible people will use electric guitars as God intended and whip out good, sexy rock-n-roll licks.

I need my water, cars, trucks, chainsaws, knives, crowbars, blowtorches, scalding hot water, guitars and guns, thank you. Amazingly, I have mastered them all, and they are all wonderful ingredients for my American Dream of rugged individualism, declared independence, and self sufficiency. They all serve me well, and I am not giving any of them up. Ever.

The masses must never be controlled for the sake of the lunatic fringe. Remember “Don’t Tread on Me”? Just don’t.

The National Rifle Association was formed 138 years ago. This ultimate “we the people” grassroots family organization dedicated to the self evident truths of self defense will gather together in Phoenix Arizona today through May 18th for our annual meetings to celebrate good over evil. It is a beautiful thing. I will be there.

With increased NRA memberships, guns and ammo sales and concealed weapons permits surging at unprecedented rates, never in the history of mankind have more people possessed more firepower and most significantly, carried more concealed weapons on their persons than today across America.

And as FBI crime reports, numerous law enforcement and academic studies conclude, the inescapable truth is that more guns clearly equals less crime. Where there are more guns per capita, violent crime goes down, particularly crimes of assault, rape, burglary and robbery. This is good. This is what the NRA stands for. Anti-gunners, not so much.

It is indeed Ted Kennedy’s gun ban dream of “gunfreezones” that have proven to be the guaranteed slaughter zones where the most innocent lives are lost every time. Think Columbine, Virginia Tech, Lane Bryant, Northwest Illinois University, New Jersey, Salt Lake City and Omaha Malls, Luby’s Cafeteria, Calgary University, Toronto, Washington DC, Chicago, Boston, Flight 93, the mayor’s office in San Francisco, ad nauseum.

Peace and love will get you killed, and unarmed helplessness is a welcome mat for evil. Common sense, that is, unless of course your anthem goes baaa….. baaa…… baaa.

So why in God’s good name would any human being wish to force unarmed helplessness on another? That level of cruel indecency and forced victimization is incomprehensible to me and about 100,000,000 Americans who own guns and believe in self defense. The lunatic fringe left won’t dare touch the issue of gun control. Self defense is the most powerful, driving instinct in good people everywhere. To deny this, is evil personified.

Good people don’t want the rapist to succeed. We want him dead. We don’t want our homes invaded. We want the invaders dead. We don’t like carjackers. We like them dead. We don’t like armed robbers. We like them dead.

We have examined all the evidence we could possibly need to know that calling 911 is a joke, unless of course they bring a dustpan and a mop to clean up the dead monster we just shot while protecting our family.

The choice is clear: gun control as the Chuck Schumers of the world try to force on us is complicit in every violent crime committed. Conversely, gun control a la Ted Nugent is putting the second shot through the same hole as the first shot, where innocent lives are saved and recidivistic maggots come to a screeching halt, felled by the lovely ballet of good over evil we call the Double Tap Center Mass Boogie. Learn it, know it, love it, shoot it. Good guys should live, bad guys not so much.

It is reassuring and ultimately convenient, that fresh from escaping the scourge of tyranny and slavery of kings and emperors, our brilliant, sensible Founding Fathers knew it was important to write down the self evident truth that the right to self defense is surely a God given individual right to keep and bear arms.

And write this down too — “keep” means it is mine, you can’t have it. “Bear” means I’ve got them right here on me. “Shall not be infringed” echoes that beautiful “Don’t Tread on Me” chorus. Sing it.

I like the US Constitution and our sacred Bill of Rights, but quite frankly, I don’t really need them in order to know in my heart and soul the list of self evident truths therein. Those came from thinking, common sense men who refused to be helpless, dependent slaves to anyone or anything. These truths are all burned forever on my soul. I live them, no matter what.

Meanwhile, in order to stop the drowning and murders, I will work on banning water, Obama can try to ban guns. Good luck. Save an innocent life, join the NRA and celebrate 138 years of keeping and bearing. Drive a bad guys nuts. Then shoot him while he’s committing a violent crime.