Child Services storms Chateau Jackson when Jermaine's kid puts Blanket's life in peril. Megan Fox announces she's only slept with two men. Jolie and Franco are shoo-ins for based-on-a-true-story suicidal artist roles. Wednesday gossip is full of surprises.

Because the internet is a wonderful thing, Jermaine Jackson's 13-year-old son Jaafar used it to buy a Scorpion 3000 stun gun, which he used to "try to zap" his cousin Blanket. (And maybe Prince, too.) Aghast, Child Services stormed in to interview the Jacksons and confiscate Jaafar's gun. Jackson family spokesperson has a slightly different version of the events. Anyway, Blanket is fine, Child Services is taking this "very seriously," and ten years from now Jaafar Jackson will be a psychopath, a reality star, Paris Hilton's husband, or all three. [TMZ] [TMZ] [TMZ]

Sacha Baron Cohen and Ben Stiller's Avatar Oscar skit got axed because organizers are afraid James Cameron will storm out of if he sees it:

Baron Cohen planned to appear onstage as a blue-skinned, female Na'vi, with Stiller translating "her" interplanetary speech. As the skit went on, though, it would become clear that Stiller wasn't translating properly, because Cohen would grow ever more upset. At its climax, an infuriated Baron Cohen would pull open "her" evening gown to reveal that s/he was pregnant, knocked up with Cameron's love child, and would go on to confront her baby daddy as if s/he were on Jerry Springer.

OK, that is actually pretty funny. And would never be allowed at the Academy Awards in a million years. [CultureVulture]

The Hurt Locker producer Nicolas Chartier has been uninvited from the Academy Awards for "negative campaigning," which is against Oscar rules. If he wins he'll get his statuette later, with marginally less glory, all because he sent an emailing ranting against the "$500 million film" up for Best Picture. [AP]

And in a final note of Oscar drama: "The stage will be raised higher, which means more steps to accept your awards. So the ladies may have to be careful with their long trains, tight dresses, and heels," said award show scriptwriter Bruce Vilanch. Do not expect anyone to tone down their costumery. The ones who wear the really high and really tight stuff are never the ones accepting awards, anyway. [P6]

Amy Winehouse and Black Incarcerated are back together and making out in public. There's no use complaining anymore. These two were meant to be, in the messiest way possible. [DailyMail]

Megan Fox continues her anti-slut tour with an interview announcing "I've only been with two men my entire life, my childhood sweetheart and [current boyfriend] Brian [Austin Green]. I can never have sex with someone that I don't love, ever. The idea makes me sick." If this new tactic takes, Megan will be considered a "reformed bad girl," which is funny because the point is that she never actually was a bad girl, she just talks big. Unless, of course, the point is that she goes whole-hog skank for women? Loophole. [DailyMail]

"Are the Duggars promoting a Christian cult?" asks Celebitchy, which sorts through the rumors on the fecund reality stars' ties to the Quiver Full movement, which preaches female submission and perpetual baby-making. [Celebitchy]

Angelina Jolie and James Franco may be headed for the lead roles in The Golden Suicides (Bret Easton Ellis' adaptation of the bizarre joint suicides of Theresa Duncan and Jeremy Blake) which is terrible news for the following reasons: (1.) Franco is not worthy of Jolie's breasts, which he will inevitably get to touch (2.) Angie and James will totally destroy these roles, she by being too carnal and bombshell-y, and he by being, uh, himself (3.) Franco's presence will reduce this to yet another inadvertent farce on the Stuff Liberal Arts Freshmen Like. [AgentBedhead]

Zach Galifianakis and his friends showed up at the Boom Boom Room in North Face jackets and jeans, forever besmirching the place's fabulousness, as Michelle Trachtenberg and Tinsley Mortimer looked on and perhaps died a little inside. [P6]

Oh look, a picture of Rumer Willis and Jessica Lowndes kissing on 90210. Judging by Rumer's hat, her styling will be of the Samantha Ronson variety. [People]

Cosmo's "Fun Fearless Males of 2010" banquet turned into a disgust bro-fest when True Blood's Stephen Moyer announced he wasn't wearing underwear, to the delight of the titillated audience. Then Terrell Owens said he never wears underwear, and the titillation grew to a roar! So Dr. Mehmet Oz jumped in: He doesn't wear undies under his scrubs! The tillation stopped in its tracks. Gross, Dr. Oz. TMI. [P6]

Simon Hammerstein, who owns burlesque club The Box, is always bragging about how performer Raven O has a tattoo on the tip of his dick, thereby Raven O to make a sideshow of displaying his penis to people like Lindsay Lohan and Jude Law, who stand around backstage and inspect it. It all sounds terribly awkward. [P6]

Taylor Jacobson, catty assistant to stylist/reality star Rachel Zoe, did not quit her job in a huff, as was previously reported—she was fired "in a dispute over high-priced designer wares that went missing from the company's clothing closet." That is juicy, and Bravo had better find a way to get it on the air. [P6]