This is the officially licensed Star Trek Captain’s Chair Pool Float manufactured by Bigmouth (I SAID SHUT UP). It should be available in time for summer from various retailers for around $50. Plus it has a hole in the middle so you can secretly poop in the pool and blame it on children. *casually pulls down back of bathing suit, prepares to release some Tribbles* The world might not be my oyster, but I am going to treat this pool like a public restroom.

Thanks to Cattie, who agrees they missed a golden opportunity to include some cup holders.