Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Due to limitations at my job I am unable to attend church at this time. I do not have enough time to take off every Sunday and its just not feasible. So I found an alternative way to worship while I pray for Sundays off. I attend Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary's chapel before I go to work. Chapel is held Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday from 10:50-12:00. The great thing about this is being able to hear great Christian leaders from all over the country. The faculty rotates turns with visitors for a chance to preach. At least once a week the president of the seminary will have his turn as well. I am glad I was able to go because I was blessed by Dr. Thomas White and his message today. I want to say he read my last entry of my blog because he touched on the topic of being ambassadors for Christ! However I know the Lord had somehow used my blog and Dr. White to point out what we as His servants should be working on. I left the sermon woken up from my spiritual funk. He challenged us to be bold in proclaiming the Lord and not to wimp out. To hear this message go to www.swbts.edu and click on Chapel and then go to chapel archives. If its not there this evening it should be posted up by tomorrow. This sermon is a must hear and I promise you that it will wake you up and recharge the spiritual batteries. God bless SWBTS for allowing their chapel to be open to the community.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

I am a Christian. I believe in God and that Jesus Christ died for our sins. I attend church when I can, I read the Bible and I pray. However when looking at this list I realize that I am not doing what the Lord calls me to do in spreading the Gospel. I go around proclaiming I am a Christian but I fail to defend my faith or even talk about it. The reason is I am a wimp. I can praise the Lord all day long but what good am I if I freeze up in discussions about God? What kind of disservice am I doing when I keep quiet and do not say anything? Of course there are reasons why people are cautious. I want to know how to overcome these.

One reason I get nervous is because I work in a politically correct workplace. It is gotten to the point where if you mention the name of Jesus or talk about religion there is the possibility of getting called into your boss's office or being reported to HR. Now I will be honest and say I have not experienced it myself but I have seen too many cases where someone has been reported. So here is the dilemma I struggle with. Do I proclaim God's word at work with that chance of getting fired? Do I need to throw more caution to the wind and just do it regardless of consequences? Right now I am the only one working so is it worth the risk to do that and possibly lose my job while we are in a recession? Many people would suggest here that I don't have faith in the Lord and that I am putting Him in a box. Maybe I am being selfish because while I may lose my job I won't lose my life like our brothers and sisters in other countries. But I will be honest and say losing my job is not something I want to do.

Another issue I struggle with is that I seem to censor Ricky while we are in public. We will get into discussions on religion and politics. The problem is that his voice carries. I mean you could hear it from the other side of a restaurant or store if he gets wound up. So I tell him to keep it down. Not because I think what he is saying is wrong but because it sounds like we are hateful bigots. I know that is not the intention of his words but he can be quite volatile when he starts speaking of our current president and political issues. Some comments made make me cringe because they sound downright rude. But we do have free speech so I am not trying to say he does not have a right to speak but I have a belief that there is a time and place for everything. But am I wrong? Would speaking about current issues make people more aware? Is it appropriate to bring up a religious or political debate at a dinner party or a child's birthday? (These scenarios really did happen) Are we being wimps by trying to keep the peace or are we being correct in letting people know the truth?

Here is the worst thing I have done when getting into a discussion with someone that has different views or is not a believer. I have wimped out and said "I respect your opinion" and leave it at that. I have downplayed my OWN faith as not to offend someone. I personally think that is the worst witness of the gospel and anyone who has done that should repent of that immediately. I took advice from a friend. He chastised me and told me I was being too harsh when I spoke of the Lord. He also told me to tone the beliefs downs as not to stir controversy. I agree with the first part of the criticism but not the second. I know in order to win people to Christ you have to do it in such a way that is effective. I think feeding fluff to the masses is very dangerous. Condemning people to hell at first conversation doesn't cut it either. There has to be a better way than what we are doing.

So I will pray that I can be a stronger witness for Christ by working on my shortcomings mentioned here. I am honest about these because I can look back and know what needs to be shaped.

Lord I ask for your forgiveness at my shortcomings. I ask for strength as I go out and proclaim the Good news that I won't back down and will be Your faithful servant. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

On Sunday at church we lost our student minister. I have no idea what happened. No one is talking. The event depresses me to no end because he was turning our youth program around and renovated it. We have so many students at church now that are excited about what the Lord has in store for them. He came up with so many ideas and fired up our teenagers. It was an abrupt move so of course it leaves the church congregation to think the worst. Did he do something he wasn't supposed to? Did he fight with the senior pastor? Were there parent complaints no one knew about? Those questions are swirling right now. But there is one question that keeps nagging me. Was he a pawn in an awful scheme? I mention this because the senior pastor introduced his son in law as a student intern just a few months after our student minister was hired. Then just a few days ago our student minister is gone. So then the evil doubts creep into my mind. Did our pastor throw him out for his son in law to get the job? It bothers me even to have these. I feel like the enemy is putting doubts in my head telling me that church is bad and this is what to expect. I have been searching for two days with no success on what really happened. The doubts keep growing and my anger at the pastor is blooming. I want to be able to trust that he prayed about this situation. I have prayed for some type of guidance during this time. I also pray for our students during the transmission process. I am also asking that the Lord reveal to me a sign that the pastor made this decision with prayer and discernment. This is one of the worst things to feel at this time.

Lord I ask your guidance during this time at FBD as we are experiencing change. I pray for your wisdom and for our staff as they find someone to lead our students. In Jesus Name, Amen

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Ricky and I have been struggling a lot over the past year through many situations. Some of them were self inflicted, some were errors of others. Because of our eventful year we have been bumping heads quite a lot. We have had some of the worst fights that I would not wish on anyone. There have been some hurtful words that can never be taken back. We have battled finances. We disagree over how we should be living our lives. There has been threat of splitting up. Its been very turbulent. However I know we love each other and want to weather these storms. Its worth it to keep a marriage together. Its not just because of statistics or reputation. I believe that when a man and woman are in a covenant marriage they should make it work out.

When Ricky and I disagreed, I would vent to a "friend" about our problems. Big mistake. Why? Because while a friend or coworker is willing to listen they can sometimes offer dangerous advice. Over the past month I have gotten some awful solutions on how to handle our differences. The worst thing is these people really think they are helping! One person told me that I need to do what "feels" right to be happy. What was meant was I should commit an act of adultery because I was not being satisfied. Yeah that's just great in the short term. (Please note sarcasm) Sleep with someone and be happy. That's a wonderful solution if you want to HURT people! Because when you have intercourse with someone you share more than just physical needs. Some may not realize it but an emotional bond can develop if it hadn't already from the emotional affair that always seems to happen. It does not matter how unhappy you are. Adultery is not the answer. There is no excuse for it. However me being a sinner in a fallen world I can understand why it may happen. I know people who have escaped their abusive spouse to feel cherished by someone else. That being said I am still not excusing the act because of the long term damage that can follow. I had another person tell me to destroy the stuff they love. This may have came off in a joking manner but I know there was a grain of truth behind that. I have very tempted to take a bat to the play station and the xbox. However there is no point. Why waste the energy destroying things? Some may argue its better than hitting your spouse but if you need to hit something get a dummy or a punching bag. Smashing game systems to bits only solves the problem for the short term. Those are just two of some dumb things to do.

The worst advice I think you could ever give a struggling couple is to tell them to be divorced. Now before everyone yells just understand what I mean. I certainly don't advocate a marriage to stay together if there is abuse. Adultery can be worked through but if its continuous and your spouse is unrepentant then its time to give an ultimatum. But my worst advice was when I had a coworker tell me that I needed to divorce Ricky so I can be happy and that God would bless my decision. The person went on to say that God wants me happy and would understand. That is some of the worst theology I have ever heard! I know the Lord wants wants best for me. I also know if I am going through trials and tribulations He is beside me. Its not easy at all but to have my Heavenly Father pick me up when I cant go no more is a great thing. He is not sitting up there wanting me to be miserable but the Bible states why God hates divorce! These hard times are to make us stronger. If I were to get a divorce I would be sinning. Being in Christ means this sin could be forgiven. But why even sin when I could do the right thing and seek out ways to make our marriage stronger? Divorce leaves some really bad results as well. My dad and Ricky's parents are divorced. One of them is remarried. However all three of them carry the bitterness to this day with them. Plus if kids are involved they get caught in a tug of war that they did not ask for. There are times when parents want the children to take sides. There is also psychological damage also. There are so many bad side effects from a divorce that its worth it to stick it out. I do make an exception when it comes to abuse. My sister and her husband have been married for 20 years. She should have left him 19 years ago. He has put her in the hospital more times than I can count. I cannot in good conscious tell her to stay with him. Some may disagree and argue you stick it out no matter what but constant abuse is not excusable.

In my case divorce is not an option I will pursue. The Lord has blessed me already. Temporary promises are not fulfilling. So if someone wants to give me advice don't tell me to get a divorce. Its not that simple.

Monday, August 3, 2009

I got to meet Dr. Russell Moore tonight! It was a great experience! When I walked up to him I introduced myself but he knew who I was before I could get my full name out. It was because he is a facebook friend and saw my comments on his page. I guess he recognized me from my picture as well. He was very kind and shook mine and Ricky's hand. I also got my copy of "Adopted for Life" signed. His message was powerful. He is an ambassador for adoption and encourages people to support it. Read his book and download his messages from russellmoore.com. If I attempted to give a summary of the sermon I would mangle it beyond repair. You want to hear from him and see how God uses him to further His kingdom.

I mentioned Dr. Moore in my celebrities blog a few weeks back and how I wanted to meet him. After tonight's message I realized to call him a celebrity would be an insult. Dr. Moore is an inspiration to me because he is a servant of Christ and preaches on the theology of adoption and works to get the word out regarding it. His work is more powerful than the stars throwing money around and getting into trouble. Dr. Russell Moore is not a celebrity. He is a man who serves our Savior and loves his family. He is not a rock star. He is not making money by immoral acts. His face is not plastered on posters. No this man is much more to many people. He should be not idolized but respected for what he does for the Kingdom. Many of us out here are thankful for his steadfast service. But above all things he is Gods servant and I am proud to call him a brother in Christ.