Many of my clients lament their stories of getting to the second stage of dating, only to have the romantic rug pulled out from under them.You know the story – you meet, connect, have a few great conversations, maybe a kiss or two and before you know it you’re ‘seeing each other’.Moving a relationship from the “just dating” phase to the next level can feel like a round of “Whack-a-mole.” That’s a popular arcade game in which the player stands in front of a machine with a flat top the size of a small kitchen table.Periodically, automated moles pop their heads out of one of half a dozen holes in the surface.“Phobia” is a word that carries a negative connotation, implying irrational, even neurotic, fear. If you or your partner feel unsettled at the idea of settling down, it may signal nothing more than the need to let more time go by before considering an exclusive relationship.But you should be careful before accusing your partner, or yourself, of being “afraid” to commit. Rushing to nail down your future together may paradoxically poison it—if the time is not yet right.It really isn’t you, it’s them…Which isn’t to say that commitment-phobes don’t deserve some sympathy.Men and women with commitment issues tend to have a deep fear of intimacy, and their feelings are borne of a learnt negative opinion of love and relationships.

Finally, when we started getting too close and the relationship got too intense, he ran away from me.When I was single I went through a two year spate of dating commitment-phobes. This was a frustrating and really draining time in my life (especially because most of the men I chose also lived interstate). I invested in several fruitless relationships with men who were avoidant, emotionally unavailable, inconsistent and generally noncommittal.Now, you might ask me “Mel, why were you choosing this type of man over and over?’ This, my friend, is a very good question and a topic for another blog.