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Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Writer's Cramp and The Perfect Day

Hey all!
My last post on Writer's Cramp was very popular, so I'm doing a reprise. Again, I highly recommend for people interested in writing to check out www.writing.com. It's free, you get to meet a lot of people, and it's tons of fun. The Writer's Cramp is a contest held every 24 hours, and you get immediate feedback from the judges. Plus, other people comment as well! Just keep your entry under 1000 words!

Another one of my favorite prompts was the following:End your story with the following words: "And now, I have cold feet and an enormous headache."

This was my entry, enjoy!

The Perfect Day

I finger the lacy train that adorns my head. I don’t think
of myself as a beautiful woman, but I admit today is different. Piles of
gleaming dark curls are pinned on top of my head with fragrant lilies
intertwined throughout the soft tresses. Somehow the makeup artist has done
magic, and my blue eyes look bigger than usual, outlined in an invisible almond
liner, a hint of blush to my cheeks, and pale pink lipstick that just adds a
dash of color to my smiling mouth. The silk, pale gown hugs every curve of my
body, and it drapes easily over my skin. Layers of shimmery material pool at my
feet. This dress, this makeup, this veil—these are the most beautiful things I
have ever put on my body. Because of the perfection I see in the mirror, I know
that today is going to be a perfect day.

I
wanted a garden wedding in the glorious outdoors, but David wanted it indoors
at night. He said that it would make the event more formal, fit for the queen
that I am. How can a girl fight with that logic? So we picked this mansion in
which to hold the event. I admit that I was hesitant at first, because I
couldn’t see past the cobwebs that hung on every corner, the faded carpet. But
a good cleaning has done wonders. The dramatic center staircase is spotless,
the wooden banisters gleam and the carpet has a rich, burnished red color. The
foyer floor is paved with white marble streaked with grey and black, and a
sparkling chandelier hangs from the ceiling, crystals catching the light and
sprinkling rainbows around the room. I just imagine my entrance. Oh, what an
entrance it will be!

The
music starts. I am in a small sitting room on the second floor with my gorgeous
sister Andrea and my best friend from childhood, Elaine, who are both wearing
lavender satin.

Elaine squeezes my hand. I reluctantly let her go as it is her turn to
glide down the stairs.

Andrea has no words. She clings to
me. I am the younger sister, and until David, we were inseparable. “Don’t mess
up my hair,” I say, trying to prevent the tear that is developing in my eye.
“You know what an awful time I have with it.”

Andrea sniffles. “Yes, it’s always
a bird’s nest.” She kisses my cheek. “You are the most beautiful bride I have
ever seen,” she whispers and then exits the room.

My father knocks on the door. “I
think it’s my turn,” he says gruffly. His glasses are starting to fog. “Are you
going to make it?” I whisper.

My
father blows his nose. “Just allergies, my dear, just allergies.”

All the
people I love are here. They are standing on the bride’s side; their faces are
so dear to me. On the other side is
David’s family. In comparison, they seem stern, austere. But I know I will
learn to care for them in time.

As I approach, all I can see is
David. His pale, handsome features are more dramatic in the glow of the nearby
candles. His father is going to perform the ceremony. David isn’t especially
religious and figured it would put a more personal touch to the event.

David’s
face lights up into a smile when he sees me. His teeth seem even whiter as
usual. As my father sits down, and David takes my hand. His father, standing in
front of us wearing dark velvet robes, says, “Now it is time.”

This
pronouncement seems very odd, but I try to ignore it as this is the most
special day of my life.

David
takes both of my hands. “I hope you will understand in your last moments,” he
said earnestly. “I have really enjoyed getting to know you. And because I know
of your purity in spirit and body, I know you are the perfect virgin to sacrifice
and to drink from on this important day, All Hallow’s Eve.”

Suddenly,
many things make sense to me. The fact he was insistent on getting married on
October 31st, the fact that he didn’t want to get married in the
gazebo with the sun on our faces, the fact that we never spent time outdoors
during any of our dates. The courtship was so quick, and I was so fascinated by
his elegance and charisma that I never noticed his pale skin and white teeth.
Tonight, they lengthen into fangs. Everyone on his side hisses, and I am almost
blinded by all the teeth that are bared.

At this
spectacle, I fold my arms stiffly. “I can't believe you are doing this on my
perfect day!” I am in complete shock. I have fallen in love with a vampire who
just wants me as food. “You have messed with the wrong girl,” I shriek. I can
feel the warmth of my family buoying me up. My wig bursts into flame, my
fingertips spurts fire. I can tell my beautiful, perfect dress is melting off
of my blazing skin, and my soft, deerskin shoes that I love so much, that feel
like floating on clouds, are completely destroyed. I come from a whole town of
fire spirits, but the Elders had allowed me to leave to find human love. So
much for that plan.

David
howls as his tuxedo catches on fire, and he quickly goes up in ash. I turn and
see the rest of my family and friends have followed suit, and we all make short
work of his side of the family.

It’s
been a long time since I’ve used my powers so drastically. And the more power
we use, the worse the fire hangover. I sigh as I wipe away the tatters of my
favorite shoes and pull out burnt metal pins from my scalp.

You sure a writer! I especially loved the start and how you desribed the bride in all her glory, it's just ashame she had to ruin her dress and shoes. I thoughts things weren't matching up and then - bam! Thanks for sharing :)

The twist to your story is excellent. I love how your main character in this story as well as your MC in "A Cannibal's New Shoes" don't freak out and do nothing when they find out they've been betrayed and lied to--they take action and are strong characters! As I read, I was completely surprised as to where the story went, and that's a really good thing. I had no idea it was going to end like that! :)

I really enjoyed reading this and would like to wish you all the very best with the writing contest. It was engaging, atmospheric and very captivating that made me want to read on. I really am enjoying reading your writing, which is very good. x

The twist is totally... wow. I expected normal wedding, especially after this great, easy to imagine introduction. I was surprised by paranormal plot - David got what he deserved.Intriguing story worth the build up ;)

Natalia: I really appreciate your comments-- the fact that you've read all of my work I've put up here and enjoyed it makes me think that possibly one day I'll be able to write a full length novel that people will want to read.

Wow I really liked the first paragraph! It was very descriptive in a good way that with the imagery, allowed you to actually picture it in your mind! I like how you didn't just do the "normal wedding"! This was creative and I really liked it.

I loved it, funny, entertaining, interesting, surprising and twisty in it's own little way. It's a great story!!! And thanks for the heads up on the website/contest... I will probably be there soon since I love writing.

This is fantastic! I certainly wasn't expecting this ending at all. Have you any plans to turn this into a novel? If so, I'd love to beta read it for you! Fire spirits and vamps? What a fabulous combination! :DSuzy Turner, YA Author