A Memoir From the Trenches

Month: June 2008

Sick and tired. Sick and tired of being sick and tired. Blah. I feel sick, and no, I’m absolutely, positively 100% sure I’m not pregnant. At least that would give me a reason for feeling so crappy. No, this is just garden variety doldrums. I feel hopeless and listless and groggy and all I want is to be left alone. For a few days. But no, I have three little kids, a husband who is looking for work, and a home to manage.

It’s the same old refrain. Nothing new under the sun. I can’t pick up the house as fast as the kids wreck it, I don’t have the energy to deal with them properly, I yell, they ignore, add more, rinse, repeat.

So I’m on strike. I actually took Jeffrey to the second-hand store on Saturday because that’s HOW BADLY I don’t want to do laundry. He got two shirts and two pair of shorts. That gets me to Monday. I can make it that long.

I wash all the clothes in the house. Fold them, put them away. It takes an entire day. Within two days, everyone has rifled through their clothes and it’s a disaster again. What exactly did I just spend a day of my life doing? Why? And I get to do it again? And again? for years? *SIGH*

Not feeling a lot of personal satisfaction in my role.

Same thing with food prep, meals, the play room, the yard, even my own hair. I do it today, and holy crap, I have to do it again tomorrow? And again? For the rest of my life?

See? Not feeling my chipper self. I’ve medicated myself with some Haagen Dazs- yeah, all that does is make me really really sick. And fat. And tired. Whoo hoo.

Took the kids swimming at the local pool last night. It was more fun than anticipated- until it was time to go. Abby and Bean both had simultaneous reactor-core melt-downs. Tired babies, too much sun, late dinner, tired mama and daddy = Yay! Let’s go do it again.

One of my quilt groups met last night for a tea party. We dined al fresco, under small chandeliers, ate tiny little cucumber sammies (I hate you Rachel Ray) and puff pastry strawberry thingies, drank peach lemonade from demitasse teacups, and generally had a very good and very loud time. I’m probably the youngest member in both the quilt groups I belong to- seems not many younguns like the quiting these days- but I have a ball hanging out with the old ladies. Old ladies rock.

We’re tipping the century mark this weekend. I’m digging a hole to hide in now.

Stella is finally getting comfy with the chaos that reigns in-house. Now, when the din grows above a roar, she chimes in and peeps along with the monsters. It’s cute, and I’m glad she’s not a hyperventilating terrified mess anymore. I like her happy little noises over in the corner. At least I think they’re happy. Oh, and my kids are WAY messier than she is- Yay Stella!

It’s almost July. I hate July. It’s my worst month. Except for strawberries. They make July OK.

I’m lost for the summer. All these unstructured days leave me feeling like a forlorn pool toy, half deflated and floating juuuuust out of easy reach. The idea of superimposing structure on myself sounds good in theory, but I lack the substance to make it happen. That doesn’t mean I lack substance, mine just seems to be make of lots of floatier stuff, and not so much stiff stuff.

I haven’t been back to California in two years. I have a new nephew due to arrive in a few weeks, and it doesn’t look like I’ll make it for his birth. Once again, unemployment sucks.

I have to give a shout-out to Mythbuster Beauty, my favorite beauty blog- Jen, and mom of five, yes five(!) fabulous girls, writes daily about make-up, skin care, tid bits of fashion and girl stuff galore. Check her out, and enter some of her monthly give-aways of tres chic make up and skin care products.

Abby has learned to shriek-scream, which she does all day, much to her delight, and my ear-drum’s dismay. She also tells me now when she requires a diaper-change. She does so by bringing me a clean diaper and backing her bum up to whatever I happen to be doing. beeep…beeep…beeep- she needs an alarm. Potty training must be close. Right? Right??

It wasn’t until we sat down to dinner tonight that I realized today was Wednesday, and not Thursday. Whew. All day I had been rushing around, trying to get everything taken care of, worrying about a meeting I have at 7, needing to get to the market before my WIC coupons expire- and then I flipped open my phone, and it said, in tiny little letters, *wed* . A weight the size of Rhode Island lifted from my shoulders, and I think I exhaled the first time all day.

Even now, just getting back from the grocery store, I kept thinking tomorrow was Yard Sale day. Nope. I feel like I’ve been given a little present.

OK, so I made a 9′ and a 6′ (that’s feet) set of these jabot swags for my friend who just got a new kitchen after 21 years of marriage and four kids. She so deserved something wonderful, and I made them out of dupioni silk in a luscious stripe pattern, and the lining was green.

Here is Abby’s new dress- I positively adore, adore the Amy Butler fabric- I had it in my stash, and was not sure what to do with it- turns out it makes a darling little dress. I got the vintage 70’s pattern for the dress at a yard sale for 25 cents.

The part I am most pleased with is the insides- for the first time, I used French seams. It was not hard, and made the dress hang and come together beautifully. Not a raw edge anywhere, and no serging. If you don’t sew, none of that will mean anything to you, but I’m am just so happy with it, I plan on using French seams again- things look so finished and professional.

The next dress I’ve started for Abby- I love the birds. I’m up in the air on whether I should make the skirt from the birds, or go with a bright green or solid yellow- again, using the vintage pattern and French seams. Loves it.

This is a table top I am painting for a friend. She and her husband love squirrels, and that was their only request. I opted for anime, since she loves that- and I have to get this finished today and out to her, since her husband deploys tomorrow and she wants him to see it before he leaves.

And this is my sewing room. So that’s what I’ve been doing the last few days… My poor kids have been neglected and ignored- but they got me back. They snuck into my sewing room when I was upstairs, stole a ball of hand-spun yarn from Peru and cut it into tiny little pieces, just for fun. They also found my bag of rubber bands and used them as confetti in the play room. It’s the price we pay.

I hope someday they understand how all-encompassing my need to create is; I hope they don’t resent mama being preoccupied and basically leaving them to their own devices for a day or two. I do feed them and change diapers, but otherwise, as long as no one is bleeding, they pretty much have the run of things. I don’t know how to balance our needs any better than that.

Supposed to be at church right now. We’re not. Obviously. The last two Sundays, Abby has screeched with such rabid abandon as soon as we open the chapel doors, we end up out in the hallway for the entire meeting. “No! No nononono! NOOOO!” I mean really, what two-year old can sit for an hour? Why? Beanie cries and covers his ears whenever music or singing occurs, and we end up out in hallway. Again. I like church. I like going- I get good things out of it, and it’s good for our family- and yet, going with a two, four and six year-old for the 1 o’clock block is just torture. So, today we play hookie.

Abby has been eating cherries picked from Auntie Joy’s yard, and her cheeks and chin and nightgown (yes, I haven’t even gotten her dressed yet) are all stained a glorious Bing crimson. She’s sitting in the garden digging in the dirt, at watching the butterflies flutter around her hair. Beanie is wearing a dress and eating some peanut butter, Jeffrey is playing Lego, David is trying to teach Stella to whistle, and I still have my jammies on too. The windows are open, the house is quiet and the trees in the yard are whooshing peacefully in the soft breeze, giving us a break from the stiffling heat of yesterday.

Lookie what I got, lookie what I got!! (Sang in my best sing-songy voice) Yes! Ok, so it might be a fake, but you know what? If it is, it’s a dang good fake! AND, the best part? Garage sale! One dollar. Yes, ONE dollar. It was in a pile of other purses, and the lady said all the purses were a dollar. Even this one? I said, holding it up- she didn’t look up, nodded, and I handed her my dollar and moseyed away. Like a jackrabbit bunny.

It’s got all the marking right, the rivets are right, the insides label is right- I think the lining may be the wrong color- but I’m not sure. I don’t have another to cross check. It is missing the padlock for the zipper. But still? A dollar? You know you would have bought it too!