Something that I was recently made aware of, and that I in self honesty also knew of, is how I drag with me old mind junk, and mind data from the past that I would like to say that is gone and that I am done with – that is still here. Some of the old dominating systems of my mind. Things like “self judgment” and “fear” – systems. These two buggers in particular. Some of the very dominant system that we as humans carry. These systems, have very deep seated roots on the humans experience. And people walk through life without properly dealing with it. This has effect on life as we know it on earth today – as well as for the afterlife and infinite existence of humans. Now, I have tools to work through this, I know how to heal and how to work through this and … literally I know how to change. It is only myself who is responsible for not changing. I have self forgiveness, self honesty, living words, breathe, etc, and I should know how to balance this by now. There is no excuse for me to not change.

Still my mind programming is heavy. And in this interview of Annuaki he explains how this responsibility is mostly missed by humans, that we are not creating for real – we drag with us old systems, still.

So these two systems, self judgment and fear, are poking me like crazy. And they should – because I should not need to be mind slave within such a equation. Thing is that I see that my consciousness is recycling itself like it did before. Making old problems new again, “making suffering great again”…lol…within mind, making fear into anger, and self judgment into blame and so on. So I must stop it and alter – create a better reality.

self forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drag on specifically fear and self judgment, where I think to myself that some of the things I have done is unforgivable to myself as a being, and that I would think in my mind that me in my afterlife/reflection would not be forgiven, by my beingness, for some of my deeds/thoughts on this earth, missing the picture of how I let my conscious mind dictate me into thinking “I am not good enough” – “I am not forgiven enough”, “I can’t do this” and ending up in fear and in self judgment – mind systems recycled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a moral obligation to drag with me fear and self judgment thinking everyone does this and so should I, not seeing or reflecting on how the word “moral” in this world, protects the very abusers (religion, war, government etc), and within so I am not better than anyone else, for dragging with me fear and self-judgment like emotions that I am eager to give away, and look into my beingness/awareness, and how I need to dump & delete these emotions once and for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to undermine, the thought that I can make a drawing and a picture or some arts about me leaving “my old emotions”, and systems behind and not fully seeing, how drawing and arts it could assist me in quantifying my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it fascinating and yet disturbing to see how I find it very hard to dump of me, these systems (fears, self judgments) and at the same time how eager mind is to pick it up and recycle it into my living/suffering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fascinated by my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to give my mind direction, and a “occupation”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I had not been able to see or fully realize and comprehend, that as long as I drag with me the constructs/concept of fear and self judgment, my mind will know so, detect so, l and it will make a big thing/addiction/suffering/recycleling out of it – since both fear and self judgment are mind based systems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the desire to see into my fears and my self judgment, like a desire to see it diminish and disappear, like to kiss it good bye for good where I would indulge in memories and my mind would catch up with me and “boom”… the mind systems are recycled.

When and as I see myself going into re – inventing fear and self judgment, I stop myself, I take a deep breath, and I slow the fuck down. I have come to realize that I must know my fears and my self judgments – and from there “weed them out” from a distance. To see them, within self, to alter within self and change as self so that awareness/focus/reality is something else, and not fear, and self judgment. I realize that I have all the tools I need to get through this, I must simply slow down and find myself stable and ready to create best for all/best for me solutions.

I commit myself to be with my tools, and my support to give myself chores and creative tasks. I commit myself to stay busy, creative but slow and commonsensical.

I was made aware of how important it is to also live the more common, usual words. This blog from Matti Freeman. Words that describes ones weaknesses and strength, in everyday life, in self honesty. So I decided or more or less fell on this word: against. To me against have been typically a wall. A stop. Or a rule like or a authority telling me something that I am rebelling against. Against; is to me that physical stop and till here no further physical wall. Against is like a point of friction. I will live this word for a few days to see how it suits me and how I can redefine it. I would also picture a violent scene of someone being ordered; “up against the wall” – from my fear/rebeling against autorities.

From the dictionary:

1.in opposition to.

2. in anticipation of and preparation for (a problem or difficulty).

From etymology:

early 12c., agenes “in opposition to,” a southern variant of agen “again” (see again), with adverbial genitive. The parasitic -t turned up mid-14c. and was standard by early 16c., perhaps from influence of superlatives.

Sounding of word:

a giant ice tea

again + sergeant

agents

angst

anger – st

anchor st

Polarity:

positive: it would seem to me like this word holds much principles and moral. I would think one can build character with being against violence, being against alcohol and so on, but it is also a point of moral and separation or even diversity.

negative: it is like one is opposing the establishment. one is fighting the existing rule. one is against something within oneself thought, backchats or authority program one is against something and that is a point of separation or denial.

Creative writing: it holds that force of being against something very physically like it is forcing something like a birth or a push. it is almost like violence to see or abuse/separation a violent or brutal force.

Self forgiveness:

I have walked spoken self forgiveness on this point on how I experience this word. Which was essential to see with clarity my self within it.

New definition:

against : prevention is the best cure. against is to restrict or to use a specific force to prevent something.

No need to claim that this world is busy waking up and changing. People are seeing the deceive of mind and systems. The lies of banking, education, wars, news, entertainment govern-mind and so on… It is a long list and it is all lies…. And we are waking up like NEO in matrix.. one by one…

What does this mean ? It means that we are and we still need to create fundament of support and care for all of sustainable and ecological best for life: like Venus project lol. To me that is a cool goal to see created.

And so I have a goal. Venus project. Heaven on earth. Anarchy – the perfect order etc…How to get there. By creating part time goals and walking steps everyday to get to that point of actually building the Venus project (or other genuine supportive and best for all solution)

So by committing to everyday walks to take steps everyday in that direction and to have goals and a ways to work towards that greater goal. Part time goals in between – then you reach that goal in the end…

Creating new structures and fundaments, concepts, businesses and service and platforms to further bring goals like.. the Venus project further. Consistent work every day towards that goal is key. Part time goals, everyday goals… until we are there!

To use the old problem, solution and reward recipe is also a good way to work and write. The in debt understanding of self is also very vital to be able to take complete responsibility for self and self creation, which is rare today. Very rare.

What we accept and allow to go on these days, of atrocities, is beyond imaginations and is rooted in us like brainwashing and programing.

I want to explain to you something here. And that is how the point of control and “unit” of ..control way back behind all curtains and all the layers of control, and conspiracies (!!) … that very point of unit/control/enslavement have been taken out. It is no longer here. You may think this sounds like star wars …and that is not far from the truth. We all should know now by now, that we have been had. Big time. The brainwashing have been complete and to the extreme with all of us us… all we have ever known – have been lies… and lies and lies.

That is why we can say stop, and realize that we must take a 180 degree turn. We can create utopia, Venus project and beyond that. I am not joking. The very establishment of control and … be – lie – ves are not in “real” power any more, as the very core “product” they were serving have been taken out. I can explain all this is details, or you can go to YouTube and search through the millions of videos explaining the lies…. but I think you deep, deep within you understand my words.

So what time is this? This is the time of consequence, and also the year of creation. It is time to create a better world, new supportive and best for all solutions. Together we can walk towards a great goals of oneness and equality.

I am busy creating a better every day for mental health within psychiatry.

New platforms and new democratic instruments are here. We already have the opportunity to have direct democracy, all the solutions are out there, waiting to be used. Hidden by the mainstream media, and the “old” lies, rooted back at self and mind.

You like me are the key to betterment. Lets walk and create together. Life is waiting for its creators to create, a better world for all, Venus project and beyond…

I have walked a creation process now for more than 4 years. I have gotten over possessions, obsessions, voices, addictions, imaginations, personalities, believes, judgments, fears, emotions, feelings, mind games, anger, sorrow, thoughts, sabotage, self hurt, suffering, self pity, secret mind, mind fucks…. and literally tons and tons of metaphysical material that I was carrying with me. All this I leave behind, like nothing from walking my desteni i process.

Fur further investigation of what lies behind the words we/I use please investigate. Here is a link to a you tube channel about words and meaning/definitions (from “Chiron Last”) and here, is a forum who is taking on words in practicality, and here is how to “live” words. Also check out the link to the new coming: SOUL – school of ultimate living, on facebook.

I am a human. I am alive. I breathe. I have a birth name. I am physical. I am flesh and bones, blood, organs and skin. I am physical. I live on planet earth.

I have been living slaving to mind for more than 30 years. I have been living like robot. I have been living a lie from childhood years. I have been living in pain and in separation as of thoughts and mind and consciousness.

You see: all the trouble in this world/word can be traced back to our self – each and everyone of us. And our personal experience and living of mind and in our metaphysical individual reality/living.

I am a delicate balance between mind, body and being.

I am today taking responsibility for myself. I am standing up for my past, and to correct myself in present/future, inn oneness and equality. I am walking process to forgive myself. I embrace my dark sides and to learn to live again for real in physical. Balancing mind and being. I am Tormod. I am a male. I am living in honesty and I am striving to be the best version of myself that I can be. I am working on not to limit myself. I am taken by living my utmost potential.

I will be creative and create/design a word/world based on oneness and equality, where all life is considered – equally.

Creation is equality.

I am here in physical on planet earth. I am living breathing. My physical is my guide. My reality of that we are here on this earth trying to do our individual thing. I am here on earth, seeing abuse, separation, war, poverty, crimes, pollution and so on. I am here on earth to do what is best for all. I am here on this earth to be my very best example to others. To spread my nucleus of calamity, peace and consideration. I am here on earth to create a better life for all of us. All of life. I will honor life. I am life. I life.

Reality:

I see physical reality around me. What I can touch, smell, hear, see and sense. And I keep inn my awareness that this is less that a fragment of what is really going on around me, as of metaphysics and psychology/data. To further investigate what is “real” check out this link: to quantum mind.

I am alive, and I will honor life. I will commit myself to do what is best for all at all times.

What is real is what I sense with my awareness. What is real is my awareness.

There is some mathematical coolness with numbers. Humans take 7 years to change all and every cell in the body. 3 times 7 is 21 – so a 21 day trial can be worthy of investigating either you are quitting porn, cigarettes or sugar. Stop a habit for 21 days and see what changes with you.

I am starting to walk a 21 day trial of not blabbering, not talking on things I do not practically need to talk about. I will not talk about things that are not needed to be talked. I started Monday the 9th of November to only open my mouth and talk if I needed to.

We humans talk lot and, a lot of it is simply blabbering. Non sense. But that also has consequences. Mind you that. A lot of what we talk is simply not supportive or needed for. So I am going to walk for 21 days to limit what I say to a minimum, of what is needed for, and not talk more than what I need.

If I need to talk I will talk it – it is just that I will not talk when it is not needed for. Seams simple ? I dare you to try. Change yourself. Because we seem to fail to see that point of creation that we create consequence with everything that we do. All that I do have consequences. All of it. So that means I should mind what I say. Right ? We are creators. Let’s walk.

Within my register or should I say collection of personalities, that I have played out in my time, the personality individually differ from each other from what sort of platform/context they are placed within. The single personalities differ from each other taken into consideration what context and physical reality they are manifested within and who I am talking and acting together with.

It is like I have one personality while talking to my dad, another when talking to a child, a third personality talking to the supermarket cashier lady, and so on… Compounded matter created over time from communicating and acting.

I have different messages, different truths considering what people I am talking to. So having more personalities is in fact really dishonest. I can’t inn honesty (!) have one truth when I talk to my dad and a different truth when I talk to a child or a old school chum and so on…

There is in fact no truth, there is only denial of what is here.

So having different things to say to through different personalities is in fact dishonest and that is also a layer of how this word/world is stitched together, creating war and conflict from lies and corruption.

Change starts with self. The more you change self from acting and applications the more your reality will shape and be created.

If you do what is easy like it is hard, then what is hard will inn its turn, become easy – Bernard Poolman

Goal must to be come clean of personalities and be genuine and self honest in everything. Not having to really on personalities to tell one how to act/talk. It should come naturally here, as genuine expression.

It is like the mother or the father speaking with child-like-take-on-cartoon-voice to his or her child/toddler. Taking on fake voice is simply deceiving and lying, eventually hurtful to the child. Self honesty is needed at all times.

Different personalities is creating different effects. And what sort of effect do we want? Non – abusive effect that is best for all life. And self honesty does not abuse.

I have been living characters for approximately 30 years. Characters that are a part of a pre program and a specific design. A opinion – given. A character from a given a opinion and then later it gives me a my direction in life. A directive from a point of egoism and polarity. Characters that are designed and programmed to react and act in a certain code and emotional ways and directions. Characters that create a another character and so on and making me seem like a God. Creating myself. But it is only characters. Totally fake.

What is Self-forgiveness?
It is the process by which an individual forgives oneself for accepting and allowing self to separate from objective reality, releasing positive and negative value judgments such as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative – as subjective interpretations of reality regarding something or someone that leads to stability as breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that to dissolve and delete my characters I will become free and I will release the specific energies that are related to the characters and I would become free, where I realize that I have to live the actual change day by day, breathe by breathe to actually change the creator of characters and design that have been simply running in a loop, copy machine copying personalities and lives over and over and over again like with the sins of the fathers cloning and copying new humans to earth over and over again – every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take into full consideration the consequences of living my past programmed design of crating new characters over and over again designing them out ready to use from polarity question, and from self creation that I would expect for myself to suit into later on like I was a chameleon and slipping in and out of characters like a thief in the night, not taking responsibility and being a villain changing my characters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into my programmed design of living a specific character when I am to talk to my mom or my dad or other people that are close to me, that I would expect of myself to have certain code or a certain specific attitude towards that is simply a character or the beginning of a character that I would have to learn to direct myself – form this character and to learn to direct myself from this program into real life breath by breath living in honesty and not by programmed emotional design.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spin around and around into possession over not being able to get out of character, failing to direct, because I would fear to express and live on the other side/honesty and I would spin around and around into loops of possession and creating voices in my head and illness within so without, and not finding the real me, hidden in plain sight. It is me, I am breathe, I life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see that I musts be responsible with my creation meaning my day to day living, that I would have to step out of character and direct myself from falling back into character and I would have to take a responsibility within a breathe to breathe awareness every day and every time I am tempted to suit into the old characters and to suit into the old program that I would make me irresponsible and fall for characters and pre – program over and over again like the infinite conscious construct of mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I had a lost childhood and thinking that my past have been worse than other peoples growing up, and projecting blame on my parents where I fail to realize that it is myself and my lack of “capre diem” that I fail to realize and live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into arguments with my parents about being God and being, a humane and bring children up with teachings of Jesus an God that is simply brainwashing and the same programming that I had when I was a child that I see clear patterns with the children that I am related to that hurts me to see, and I go into anger over this teaching and I feel left out and like a outcast.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a outcast from my family because I have changed or am deleting my characters from the past and I am changing myself to something new that is not a character but real life, and real with the breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I must see my family from a sort of observer point of view where I see them and I love them & care for them, it is just that I am through living the old lies of copying my parents and my ancestors same mistakes from before over and over again – I want to live and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to argue with my parents on “God” and the existence of so, where I fail to see that what I by talking about “God” – making it real, and I should not argue with people on “God” and I should not confront people on religions, I should follow the golden rule, and rather avoid those questions on religions, to avoid friction/conflict.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into reaction when I am confronted with a character that I see simply as this “character” and I would become fearful from seeing peoples characters, and I would fear to go into stress and reactions out of fear of fear itself, and to fear to go into stress, and I would project blame on these people that I meet failing to live and direct the situation and to be that change that I am as breathe and to live that which is “hidden in plain sight” – the “I life”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I have to live like man and to be the man and to be like “Rough and tough” that is simply bullshit and brainwashing ego, where I fail to realize that “hey” – I can change these parts of me into living like a woman instead and to live those qualities of a woman instead of being a man and to drag the disadvantages of being the ego of man – and to life in equality with the benefits of being a woman instead, within breath to breath awareness – here as life : I life.

When and as I see myself heading into creating a character or in any way going over opinion to create a character that I know will simply serve polarity or to create new characters I stop and I slow myself down, and I breathe. I realize that a character will simply create new characters and it will only create new “mees” and it will simply serve the polarity construct and design that is simply a waste of time and energies where I realize is not doing any good at all. I realize that if we are going to have change I have to live the solution on a day to day experience and mannerism. I realize that if we are going to save this world we will have to change it piece by piece, and that no finance crisis or revolution will do it, we have to do it our self step by step, breath by breathe.