Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Let's Talk About the Important Issues of the Day (or: It Never Fucking Ends)

I want to be taken seriously as a serious blogger, blogging only about serious things, so let's open up the floor for discussion of what is inarguably the most important issue facing the United States right now:

Umm, I'm totally offended by this post! You silly twats don't seem to understand that only CHICKS are fuckable/not fuckable, and only their "ideas" need be evaluated that way.

Geez. Men (unless they're one of teh gays) are worth so much more than this cheap joke of a post, I think giving you ladies the vote was a real mistake. I bet you need a good (insert dumb ass description of sex as it relates to some sort of machinery here).

Um, no. But I would call Ann Coulter a "tranny," because not doing so "deprives" us of "powerful weapons." Once the homobigots hear "us" saying that, the Green Party will no doubt carry the Southland in 08.

If I sign up to be a "Republican operative," can I be as smart as the Feministe bloggers?

Obviously, judging by the sweater (I'll say it's a seriously scratchy wool, due to the preference of the bigoted right wing to wear hair shirts), and how it suggests bloating, he's on his period, and therefore totally not fuckable.

Hmmm. I think he'd be vastly improved with some makeup to even out that blotchy complexion and mascara to bring out his eyes. And the dorky glasses -- those MUST go. The sweater is a little too professorish, I think -- he needs something a little clingier.

He's got no soul. When you fuck someone with no soulyour soul dies as well.You won't even know until it is much to late.When you've got no soul then . . .Dick Cheney calls you on your cell to welcome you to the fold. . . . and you smile.

As with Ann Coulter, the important variable of whether he would be speaking at any time during the encounter is never specified.

You raise a very important obstacle to our reaching consensus. This is serious!

What do the People say? Is Dinesh talking? Or is he burping? Or his mouth too full of your wing-wangs to do either?

I would appreciate it if you would read the last comment here:

I will try to get to it before the morning, provided it is (1) serious and (2) important. Otherwise I am afraid there are more pressing matters requiring my attention at present. You can blame Phoenician in a Time of Romans for that.

Huh. I feel y'all are being unduly harsh. With a shaved head and contacts instead of glasses, and about a month in the gym, he actually wouldn't be that bad. He should get on that, stat. It's just downright lazy not to take care of himself, and it makes him kind of hard to take seriously, you know? He kind of looks like one of those bitter meninists.

Anyway, I'd call him a seven-pinter. I wouldn't fuck him, not until he has enough self-respect to make a bit more effort.

I have to admit to a serious schoolboy crush on Dinesh that goes back to 1991; unfortunately, he gave a talk at my university that was disingenuous, ill-informed, and irrelevant, and the crush evaporated. But with the sweater, definitely.

Well, maybe I'd do him in the ass if he begged for it, and I was bored and/or drunk enough, and I was sure I wouldn't have to talk to him afterwards.

But not in that sweater, although I like Chris' idea of putting it over his head (and the birkenstocks! nice touch!), but only because it would maybe quiet him down some. Because I don't care how drunk I am, I don't want to hear the guy talk. Am I clear about that? Total turn-off, that.

As a knitter, I think that's one butt-ugly sweater. I agree with genni that it looks like scratchy wool. Boring pattern, ugly color that does not suit him at all, and dorky as fuck-all. Not that there's anything wrong with that, really. Some of my best friends are dorks who wear sweaters.

I don't swing that way and he's not enough of a hottie to make an exception. I prefer the outdoorsy types. Maybe if he traded in the sweater for a flannel shirt subtly flecked with wood chips, like he'd just finished chopping logs for the fire he was going build in front of a bear rug, which he had killed and skinned himself. I'd do him then.

No. Not because of the sweater because, really people, you're supposed to remove that shit before you get into bed, but I just couldn't get it on with someone whose name sounds like a cross between a fungal infection and a big brass band.

"Well, I would have once, but not any more. Oops, I mean, I just wanted to, you know, fuck some sense into him with my liberal dick. Oops, I'm sorry, I didn't know you litle ladies were all so sensitive around here, really, I respect you all, please, stop, because, you know, all this anger is going to give you frown lines, and then where will you be? I mean, you know I'm a feminist because my mom was fuckable, and..."

The drop shoulders give the lie to its commercial manufacture, imho. And look at the sleeves, particularly around the inner elbow. Too much fabric there. I'd definitely up the ribbing to two and a half, maybe even three inches, both at the cuffs and at the waistline. The button band would be more slender, buttons masculine yet noticeable, again, to create a vertical line which will slim the overall effect.

Yes, if I were knitting a sweater for that body shape, it would be a cardigan with set-in sleeves and decreases/increases for a better fit around the "gut." And cropped, to make his legs look longer, again to slim and create the illusion of height.

I only work in natural fibers, and that sweater does not scream 100% acrylic, but it does not scream "dry clean only" either. Since it's commercial manufacture, it's probably a washable wool blend. Lay flat to dry, kind of like your brain after hearing him speak.

Am I making you hot? Thought so.

(thanks for giving me a chance to blog about knitting. I hardly evah do that at my place.)