Awkward Firsts @ The Museum of Sex & Health (Jeju Island)

DISCLAIMER:Yes this is about a sex museum (shocking!). Therefore, some of these pictures may not be for the exceedingly prude, faint of heart, or those working in the extreme open. Proceed with caution/curiosity/arousal/etc.

*Bow chicka wow wow*

That timeless classic of a porn tune looped inside my head as I drove down Jeju Island’s sunny coastline. “I’m going to a sex museum,” I thought, “in Korea… with my dad.” It was quite possibly the most unlikely combination of events, places, and people.

This was my first time to a sex museum (no, sex shops and adult video stores don’t count). As far as expectations, I tried to remain open but kept a sliver of skepticism. South Korea, one of the most conservative countries in Asia, isn’t exactly like Holland when it came to sexual transparency. But then again, this was Jeju Island, and like all islanders will tell you, culture here is a bit more laid back than on the mainland.

Stepping out of the car into the summer heat, I took a glance around the compound and realized all my concerns about the legitimacy of this place were misguided. “Damn, we’re not even going to make it out of the courtyard”, I thought. Statues upon statues, each unique in its beauty, lined the walkway towards the museum. The abundance of artistry was astonishing. I almost felt bad that we were seeing all this for free.

We literally could have spent an hour just admiring the outside of the museum. Only dehydration and the threat of sunstroke led my feet to head indoors. Sweaty and out of breath, as only one should naturally feel in a sex museum, we bought our tickets and began the tour.

Female and Male Erogenous Zones

“Age of First Sex” (from left to right): World Average, India, Indonesia, China, South Africa, France, Japan, U.S.A., England, New Zealand, Iceland

I must say, this felt very much like walking through a funhouse. The atmosphere and vibe in each area was so distinct that transitioning between exhibits sometimes came as an abrupt shock. My mind slowly adapted to unexpectedly switching between something as purely educational as “Age of First Sex” stats to something as pornographically absurd as a mini golf range formed by a ring of female sex dolls with their legs spread open. There was really something for everyone here…

Somewhere between looking at Peruvian statues of penises taking on animalistic caricatures and Egyptian mummified corpses still rocking healthy boners, my mind needed a break. This place was like a never ending labyrinth. I wandered from exhibit to exhibit until suddenly I realized I was alone. Maybe it was the dim lighting, the faint elevator music, or the fact that around every corner was another naked sex doll, but this place was just getting downright creepy.

Of course I didn’t meet my end in some dark corner of an abandoned sex museum in a foreign country. How ridiculous would that be? I emerged from what had to be the creepiest exhibit of the museum into a bright gallery of colorful paintings. There were classic beauties, abstracts, and vaginas depicted in ways I’d never entertained. Quite an improvement from 5 minutes ago. Feeling somewhat relieved, I arrived at the end of the tour. Beyond the door was the gift shop. I bought myself a bottle of the best drink in the world, sat down to decompress, and waited for my dad.