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Aye and I think the big issue there kas is researchers revealing their findings far too early and those findings not being thorough enough, hence the contradictory information.

Dave this was incredibly touching to read, really was and no easy thing to put into words.

Life can be so cruel and entirely unfair at times, never more so in those moments.

I struggle with my parents, I worry so much about them and seeing some of the major difficulties they are experiencing is hard enough but the one big relief I have is they are not suffering with dementia at this stage. Had a fear over my father, cognitively is struggling at times but he has a good grasp of things still.

Anyways, just as with kas and her current trials, its a terrible thing to go through for everyone concerned

Thanks, David. When my mother-in-law went into a nursing home, my wife would visit once a week, sometimes twice, to spend an afternoon with her. The staff would often comment on how good she (my wife) was, in visiting so often. Most relatives were hardly ever seen. Awfully sad, that.

It's horrible but yes,there have been plenty of giggles along the way.
When I took him to the doctor for a memory test the interview turned into a Two Ronnies sketch."Do you know what year it is"? No response.
"What's your name"? 1968.

Thanks, David. When my mother-in-law went into a nursing home, my wife would visit once a week, sometimes twice, to spend an afternoon with her. The staff would often comment on how good she (my wife) was, in visiting so often. Most relatives were hardly ever seen. Awfully sad, that.

My father's been in a nursing home for almost two years,there are at least half a dozen people there who haven't had a single visitor in that time.

You're a person with good and decent values, Kas. My doctor used to compliment us on looking after my mum for so long, instead of letting her go into a home… I got annoyed at that. I said rather than saying how good we were, he should rather castigate those who couldn't give a fart about their aged parents. He had it the wrong way around.
To look at it very coldly, one could say that all I was doing was repaying mum for all the years that she looked after me, when i was a wee kid. It was my/our turn to look after her.

And she liked to watch the football on the telly, too, so that was fine. Bonus.

Thanks, David. When my mother-in-law went into a nursing home, my wife would visit once a week, sometimes twice, to spend an afternoon with her. The staff would often comment on how good she (my wife) was, in visiting so often. Most relatives were hardly ever seen. Awfully sad, that.

It is, I think its a mixture of a few things that, not caring enough and remembering what they did for you and a lack of compassion/loyalty, own personal lives and perhaps fear in some cases, an unintentional selfish fear of seeing a loved one struggle like that.

Silly because we're all on exactly the same road, we are all just people on the exact same journey that goes one way so the inability to empathise and care for a life just because of age is awful really

You're a person with good and decent values, Kas. My doctor used to compliment us on looking after my mum for so long, instead of letting her go into a home… I got annoyed at that. I said rather than saying how good we were, he should rather castigate those who couldn't give a fart about their aged parents. He had it the wrong way around.
To look at it very coldly, one could say that all I was doing was repaying mum for all the years that she looked after me, when i was a wee kid. It was my/our turn to look after her.

And she liked to watch the football on the telly, too, so that was fine. Bonus.

My dad always loved the footy,he used to say he didn't support any particular team but he liked to see Liverpool do well.

It is, I think its a mixture of a few things that, not caring enough and remembering what they did for you and a lack of compassion/loyalty, own personal lives and perhaps fear in some cases, an unintentional selfish fear of seeing a loved one struggle like that.

Silly because we're all on exactly the same road, we are all just people on the exact same journey that goes one way so the inability to empathise and care for a life just because of age is awful really

Yes, I can appreciate that one. When fear to the point of what might be described as being emotionally selfish overcomes compassion, and that can be an awful cross to bear.
We saw all four of our parents diminish at differing rates and at different times, and it really was a hard experience.

All those stages… father-in-law convinced he was still a capable driver, and going for yet another old-age driving test. The Traffic Officer had to take over the car after just a few minutes, and drove back. Revoked the licence on the spot, but was very sympathetic. 'It's a place nearly all of us arrive at,' he said.'He's no real idea of what he's doing on the road.' Father-in-law was still convinced he was a capable driver, though.

Yes, I can appreciate that one. When fear to the point of what might be described as being emotionally selfish overcomes compassion, and that can be an awful cross to bear.
We saw all four of our parents diminish at differing rates and at different times, and it really was a hard experience.

All those stages… father-in-law convinced he was still a capable driver, and going for yet another old-age driving test. The Traffic Officer had to take over the car after just a few minutes, and drove back. Revoked the licence on the spot, but was very sympathetic. 'It's a place nearly all of us arrive at,' he said.'He's no real idea of what he's doing on the road.' Father-in-law was still convinced he was a capable driver, though.

Our next door neighbour was the same;we tried for months to tell his family we were worried about his safety but they waited over a year to take the car away from him.
By then he'd been driving around with no MOT for four months.

Our next door neighbour was the same;we tried for months to tell his family we were worried about his safety but they waited over a year to take the car away from him.
By then he'd been driving around with no MOT for four months.

Sometimes I see drivers even older than myself, with no obvious 'quick/alert skills'.... I can tell by what i call the 'body language' of the car… a little too slow... going wide around corners… and (ha) knocking people over on pedestrian crossings (me!)... old bloke rolls his window down and calls out 'oh sorry, didn't see you'... and drives off !!!!!!!!

Sometimes I see drivers even older than myself, with no obvious 'quick/alert skills'.... I can tell by what i call the 'body language' of the car… a little too slow... going wide around corners… and (ha) knocking people over on pedestrian crossings (me!)... old bloke rolls his window down and calls out 'oh sorry, didn't see you'... and drives off !!!!!!!!

Last summer I watched an old lady completely ignore a huge queue of traffic at some roadworks and tootle into the path of a JCB coming in the opposite direction.
She did it all with a little "Ha! None of you had the sense to overtake all those stationary cars did you"? grin on her face.

Last summer I watched an old lady completely ignore a huge queue of traffic at some roadworks and tootle into the path of a JCB coming in the opposite direction.
She did it all with a little "Ha! None of you had the sense to overtake all those stationary cars did you"? grin on her face.

I have to admit some some admiration for the lady!

You do see the odd funky old one. Some stylish gran, with all her marbles intact, and with her foot to the floor. 'Make the most of it, girl!!!'

I'm closer to this part of life than many LFC posters in here. Years ago, my wife and I saw all four of our parents go through various stages of dementia, before they passed away… some were mild and some were quite severe.

My wife's mother at various times denied that she any children at all (my wife has three sisters) for example… and she thought that my wife was actually her own long-deceased sister.
She would forget entirely how clothes were to be put on, what shoes were for, and so on.

But there can be unintentional laughs, too.
On one occasion, I was taking my mother-in-law to the hospital. She was using a walker at this time. It was quite an unusual model and colour, so when my wife said 'oh look, mum… there's a lady with your walker,' as we drove along, a confused and worried voice came from the back seat...
'Oh... I thought Dave put it in the boot.'

It's painful to witness a once sharp mind deteriorating…
My own mother lived with us for some years after Dad passed away. She was ailing and subject to all the vagaries of health that old age brings. Stays in hospital for a variety of reasons… home help visits…… alterations to the bathroom, and a ramp to the front door installed.
But she was tough, even though memory and function failed her. She never played the martyr, which many infirm people are wont to do, understandably.

Sometime she'd take a fall and a bump sufficient to require a stay in hospital. The last one was in the hall by the bathroom. She was hurt and stunned, and so the ambulance was called. The officers went through the procedures, and then came the moment when they checked her cognitive function.
'Can you tell me your name, love?'
And she looked at me for some sort of prompt, because she had no idea at all. She was frightened and confused. And i couldn't help her, of course. I had to stay quiet.

And forgive me, but I'm just about crying as I write this now, but it was one of the worst moments of my life… broke my heart

I have been a regular drinker of diet soft drinks. Somebody reported to me that they saw a study finding a link between diet soft drink consumption and dementia. Since the person who told me about the study could not remember who published it, I would like to know if anyone on these boards has read the study and whether the cause of the dementia is aspartame, saccharine or another artificial sweetener.

The doctor had to be called out today because my father hasn't eaten for several days.
'Nothing to panic over" I was told but I've just had to answer a lot of questions about how much 'intervention' he'd want if he deteriorates.

The doctor had to be called out today because my father hasn't eaten for several days.
'Nothing to panic over" I was told but I've just had to answer a lot of questions about how much 'intervention' he'd want if he deteriorates.

That sounds hard going Kas.
Hope you've got some support for yourself through this.