Dos and Don'ts for Dealing with Anger!

Anger happens, it's just part of life. But if
you have depression you can add anger to the list (along with sadness,
fearfulness, trouble sleeping, and changes in appetite) of common depression
symptoms.

"If you find you're very short-tempered, irritable, grouchy, your fuse is
short, it could be related to depression," says Carol A. Bernstein, MD,
associate professor of psychiatry at NYU Langone School of Medicine in New York City.

Depression treatment may lessen anger. But there are things you can do to blunt
the effects of this intense and sometimes dangerous feeling..

Do count to 10 (or
100)

"Angry people are highly aroused and when people get aroused, they do and
say things they later regret," says Brad Bushman, PhD, professor of
communication and psychology at The Ohio State University in Columbus.

Do forgive

Even if you don't ultimately forget the incident, forgiving a
person who has provoked you is an excellent way to subdue anger, says Bushman.
Forgiveness can help you stop ruminating, which is when negative thoughts play
over and over in your head like some horrible movie scene.

"Angry people can't stop thinking about what made them angry. It's that
rumination that seems to be destructive," he adds. "This doesn't mean
that you conclude that what another person did to you is okay. It just means
that you're not going to hold that against them and you're not going to let it
consume your life."

Do distract yourself

Another way to dial it down is with distraction. Katherine Kueny,
PhD, director of behavioral medicine in the department of internal medicine at
the University of Nebraska Medical Center in Omaha, tells people to place themselves
on an emotional scale of 1-to-10 with 10 being the most angry.

"When the scale is at 5-to-10, I tell people to do something that will
bring the emotions down before you interact or try to problem solve," she
says.

This could be drawing, cooking, taking a walk or finishing a Sudoku puzzle or
crossword puzzle.

Do take a deep breath

Taking deep breaths is one good way to calm yourself when you're
in the throes of anger. "Slow breaths will slow the heart rate down,"
says Kueny.

The American Psychological Association recommends taking deep breaths from the
diaphragm, not shallow ones from the chest. But listening to calming music and
muscle relaxation exercises may also help, says Bushman.

Some people have found help in yoga, which also emphasizes breathing "yaani ni nzuri"

Don't deny that
you're angry

People who are able to see their anger as anger are less likely to
resort to aggression or violence, according to a study published in 2011 in the
journalEmotion.
"People who are better at categorizing their emotions into specific
categories are more in tune with their emotions," says Ricky Pond, lead
author of the study and a PhD student at the University of Kentucky.

"They think more deeply about their emotional experiences and are more
sensitive to the causes and potential consequences of their emotions. Thus,
when angry, they are quicker to cope effectively with negative emotions and
distract themselves less with inefficient coping strategies, such as venting,
binge drinking, substance abuse."

Do write about it

"Writing or journaling allows you to slow down and think
through how you want to respond so you're responding rather than
reacting," says Kueny.

What's the difference? "Reacting is based on emotions. It's almost
automatic. Our emotions feel very real but they're not always rationale,"
she says. "When we respond we're choosing how to respond. We're
cognitively thinking through what we want to have happen and what is the best
way to make that happen."