I never cared much for fantasizing about my future wedding, nor do I believe the (Western?) myth that all little girls do it. It was not until I had to plan my own wedding (with help from my now-husband) that I fully realized what madness is going on.

I observed—with apprehension—that weddings are becoming increasingly lavish. They cost incredible amounts of money that could otherwise be used to establish a somewhat secure life for a couple. They involve great and greater amounts of complexity in terms of clothing, food, gifts, decoration, and entertainment. They invite many and more members of extended families and circles of friends and acquaintances. And it’s not only in North America (where I live); I’ve heard tales of enormous, bank-breaking weddings from friends in India, China, and other places—tales that would strike fear into humble hearts.

Now, somehow, our permissive culture has turned wedding-related materialism and selfishness into “entertainment”. Sarah Haskins sums it up with insight and humor in one of her “Target Women” videos (which satirize advertising that employs gender stereotypes):

These “reality” shows paint brides as manipulative, controlling, shallow, and self-obsessed. Grooms are painted either as impotent slobs or indifferent chumps. Where is the equality in that? These shows highlight inequality as well as the widening gap between the rich and the poor.

The most beautiful and touching weddings I’ve been to have upheld both bride and groom as contributors to a new family, a new social institution (however small in scale), and have asserted that both members accept responsibility for the well-being of their relationship.

I suppose I can only speak from my experience when it comes to equality on the ground, so I will:

As I began to plan my own wedding, I made efforts to strike a balance between humility and hospitality. We wanted to host and be generous to our dear family and friends, yet we wanted to emphasize that the marriage was to be more important than the event of getting married, no matter how joyful and reverent it was. We took to heart certain examples set by the humble and greater-purpose-driven figures of religious history—in particular, those from the Baha’i Faith, since my husband and I are Baha’is: we read about the modest weddings of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá and Shoghi Effendi (in The Priceless Pearl). We found it valuable to seek inspiration about principles and attitudes, even in the matter of wedding planning.

Yet we also had to contend with the extravagant climate. For example: I walked into a bridal shop last summer and was immediately bombarded by an overbearing busy bee who aggressively insisted that I fill out a form with all my personal information and details about my wedding (date, theme, etc.) before I peruse the store merchandise—which I was afterward sharply instructed to do (quickly, and with no shoes on, presumably so as not to sully anything). The gowns began at $1000 and ranged in color from “white” to “eggshell” to “ivory”.

I left the store. I won’t bore you with the details of my wedding, but I wore a reasonably priced blue dress. A select group of immediate family and dear friends gathered for a weekend, went tobogganing together, ate vegetarian food, and played board games. We wanted not only a just, moderate, joyful wedding, but a just, moderate, joyful marriage. We had a brief but lovely ceremony, and then it was over. On with the business of being married—and it is going very well; we both work to be equal participants in a balanced relationship. Now the only thing left to do is keep at it for the rest of our lives….

Redefining Power is the last section of the document, “Advancing Towards the Equality of women and men”. The document helps us think a lot about what equality is and some of the features on which is should be based. However gaining a better understanding of equality is only one step. We should also translate this new understanding into action. Therefore, I’d like to move the focus of the blog onto the engendering part of its name.

Engendering – to cause to exist or to develop. To bring into existence, to give rise to. To propagate to originate.

So engendering equality is not just a catchy name, it’s can also a reminder of how we should be living our lives. In order to give us inspiration to be working towards engendering equality I thought it might be helpful to have people share their thoughts, actions and reflections on the promotion of gender equality within their social space. I recognize that not everyone feels they are making an active contribution to gender equality but in fact by believing in the validity and importance of this topic, you are in fact, consciously or subconsciously, very likely to be working to see it in practice. Therefore I think it would be very beneficial for others if people shared their experiences, even if it means just sharing ideas you are struggling with.

Perhaps by drawing on a wide number of contributors certain commonalities and learning can be produced which might help others in their path to promote equality between women and men. The beauty of inviting many people to participate is that the settings and language used to describe the struggles that go with undertaking this task will provide a diverse tapestry of experiences while still establishing an overall commonality between all of our experience.

I’d like to encourage people to write about their learnings, send them to engenderingequality@gmail.com and I’ll post them on the blog. It would be great if posts could be between 400-500 words. If you wanted to present your experiences in an artistic form, that would be more than welcome as well.

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Welcome

At the core of this blog is the document “Advancing towards the Equality between Women and Men” prepared by the Institute for Studies in Global Prosperity. However, engendering equality is not just a catchy name, it’s also a process we are all engaged in. In order to give us inspiration to be working towards engendering equality this blog tries to create a space in which actions and reflections are shared by individuals on the promotion of the equality of women and men within their social space.