The Kweendom of Abstraction

finances

Though I love your James Brown spirit of being a hard-working Diva (the female version of a HUSSLA)…I got a gripe with you. It’s GOTTA be YOUR fault. Yep, I love me some Bey and those reading this will be in mouth-agape shock because they know I SANGS to your music and pops my area where the booty go, to all your stuff…but, Bey…

No for real…Bey…

Why you got some of these lazy lima bean menz out here looking for suga mamas and tryna get upgraded? Huh? They tryna get Audemar Piguet watches, dimples in they necktie, Hermes briefcase, Cartier top clips, Silk-lined blazers, Diamond creamed facials…VVS cuff links…Six star pent suites…all because you sang it.

Can you do a remix called, “Suga Mama’s Suga Papa”?

Love, Kween

All jokes aside…what in the cheap and lazy HEYELL is going on? I should NOT be doing back flips and cabbage patches around the room when I see a man who is about his business. I see my friends from HS who have grown up and are on their grown man B.I. and I dig it. It’s what they’re SUPPOSED to do, right?

So, I suppose some of these fools skipped class when they did Manhood 101?

Okay, before this becomes touted as a male-bashing blog…lemme dig in the ladies’ asses real quick. *getting spoon*

Sistas (Black, White, Asian, etm…) We have spoiled men. Whether we’re doing it financially or otherwise, we’ve become crutches to men who are able-bodied and mentally capable of being more than our sex partners. I’ve said before that the music/movie/TV industry has had a big impact on how our men weigh up what it is they want from us. Are they the only ones affected? No. We, too make decisions at times based on societal standards rather than what works for us and the life we live…the life we WANT to live. The standard is women who make their own and for us it’s guys who are sensitive and romantic. Yet, if we’re looking for romance and the best “O” we’ve ever had and NOT a man who is stable and independent, that can be a bad match. This isn’t about being gold-diggers or gigolos…it’s about remembering our roles. Not our traditional roles, so to speak…but, our God given roles…the ones that are primal and base instinctive. Men are by nature the hunters and gatherers and women are by nature the nurturers and bearer of children. Add this to today’s contemporary, feminist society and you get a lot of women who work and raise children…and a lot of men who don’t work but still manage to tap into the need to roam. Isn’t that some shit? Women are expected to evolve AND comply…men aren’t. We are STILL expected to birth children and keep a home, no matter whether we work a full-time job or not. Men however, have taken to getting over on their mates by allowing her to bring home and fry the bacon…while he eats and plays with Simba…

It’s our fault in a lot of ways. I’m all for paying for some dates…seeing something in the store that my man would love and purchasing it for him. That is love and nurture. That is thinking of him as I think of myself…but, if I’m the only one buying, paying, offering, sacrificing…while his money is his and mine is his, too…that’s enabling his selfish behavior. I am in that moment a co-dependent of his selfish, childish nature as well as exhibiting potential desperate tendencies. Allowing him to drain me of my resources because, “I love him”…while he either invests somewhere else or he just becomes a black hole of my “love”. BOYS expect mommy to pay. MEN expect his woman to pay only in an extreme case that he is not able to…he doesn’t expect it on a regular basis. Money is a tender issue and should be handled gingerly in relationships. It can be the end of an otherwise very positive union. When dude finally leaves…you’re drained of your resources, you have no man and you’re most likely bitter, too. Remember, in an uneven relationship…you’re most likely lonely already, so what do you have to lose?

Now, back to them…

Guys…really? I’ve gotta hand it to you. You may not be listening to Bey…but you just may be pumpin’ Ne-Yo’s “Miss Independent”…LOUDLY! You guys are good at sizing up the “easier” catch. Hmmm…*pulling out scale of choice* A woman I may have to take care of, work for/beside, become a better man in the process, step up to the plate for and with? Or…the chick who wants, needs and desires a warm body so badly that she’ll buy me, pay for me, etc? It’s not that hard. If a man is content in being stunted in his emotional dependency on a woman (red flag: mother issues), then he isn’t going to want to be with someone who commands his spirit to stand up and be the man in the equation. He IS going to gravitate toward the woman who doesn’t mind paying for his phone bill, the trips, the food, the rent…esp. if he is “pursuing” a goal yet to be named or reached. Easy beats out Hard…every time.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Some women aren’t actually “buying” their men because she’s desperate or needy. Some are doing so, because she’s actually so generous that giving is second nature to her…but that is [unfortunately] a handicap in this day and time, because feeble men prey on that quality. In a sense…she doesn’t even KNOW she’s buying his affections…securing him in this fashion. Yet, it yields the same results…his laziness.

That’s the point. Not EVERY man knows how to accept a gift or ten from his lady and still remain vigil in his role as a provider. To still remember that a woman is one, whom in taking care of everyone around her…needs his strength to envelope her and let the world’s effect melt away with him…just the way we do for him (or should). We’re supposed to take care of EACH OTHER. Ladies, if you’ve been with a man long enough that you consider yourselves in a relationship, you’re monogamous, you’re “in love” and planning a life…and when you mention to your man that you’re struggling and stressed over finances…he gets silent or says he’ll pray for you and hopes it gets better? Reconsider. Reevaluate. Introspectively probe your relationship’s future and ask if you’ve chosen the right man. Like I said earlier to someone…”Men wanna get between your thighs, but they don’t wanna get between you and your bills.” Laying up in a woman’s place, eating her grub, loving her body and leaving isn’t the business of love…that’s the business of hooking up. It’s not about “paying for sex” so don’t go there…it’s about USING someone without the responsibility that comes with having a deep concern for them. Someone who has your best interest at heart is going to show up when the tough is toughest. Once, I was “planning” a life with someone for 2.5 years and ONCE he threatened to care enough to send me money…and didn’t. Truth is…whether I said, “I’m good” or not…the money should’ve showed up anyway. We have to remember that supporting a man doesn’t mean funding a man…it means inspiring him to be the best he can be. Trust that his success as a man is and will be a benefit to him AND you. If he’s gonna leave, he’s gonna leave…no amount of money…or sex for that matter will keep him. Have his back…but, try not to cripple him in the process.