Writing for Woman's World Magazine and others. Half critique. Half blog. Half not so hot with math.

Friday, December 19, 2014

Appearing in issue #51, December 22, 2014

Title:Mrs. Wentworth’s
whereabouts

By
Author:Michael D’Angona

Tag line: The
detective thought it would be easy to lose your way in the sprawling mansion…

Police characters: Detective Sabrina
Jenkins

The gist:Ella Wentworth, the wife of millionaire
Gregory Wentworth, had been taken from her bedroom in broad daylight by three
intruders.Detective Jenkins wondered
about where the staff was when this happened, and what kind of security system
Mr. W had. From the limited information she
had before she reached the mansion, to her it looked like an inside job.

The chef had called in the crime.Det. Jenkins spoke to the butler who told her
the chef had informed him at around 1:00 PM that he’d called the police and
that Mrs. W was in danger.The butler
said he headed towards her bedroom with the chef in tow.They found the sliding glass doors
smashed.From the window they could see
Mrs. W being thrown in the back of a van and then the van sped off.The mansion was huge with twelve bedrooms
and dozens of other various rooms. The butler coughed as he was speaking to the
detective and then continue to say he had been on duty since breakfast but he
was available to Mrs. W around the clock.He said the chef was working in the kitchen and the gardener was
outside.When questioned about how he
knew Mrs. W was in her bedroom, he explained that he had seen her walk that way
right before the chef raised the alarm.

Det. Jenkins
thought it odd that the kidnappers knew where Mrs. W was.

Next she
spoke to the chef who said he had been preparing lunch and was just about to
bring it to Mrs. W.He said as the house
is so large he usually used the intercom to see where Mrs. W was located, but
today as he pressed the button to speak to her he heard screaming and banging
noises and the sound of glass breaking.He said he called for the butler and they rushed to her room. He said the
van she was thrown into looked similar to the one the gardener used.

The gardener
told the detective he was behind the house fixing the sprinkler system.He said he didn’t see or hear anything.He said his van was parked by the shed where
it always was.

Det. Jenkins
knew who to arrest.

Crime scene:The Wentworth mansion.

Clues:The sequence of events heard on the intercom. The kidnappers knew where she was.

Suspects: The
butler, the chef, and the gardener.Or
three other thugs.

Red herrings: The coughing butler?

Solution:The chef did call Mrs. W a short time
before lunch to see where she was; then he told the kidnappers where to
go.An intercom only allows a one-way
communication.He couldn’t have heard
all that he claimed to hear.

My two cents:I so wanted to say the
butler did it.

You don’t
waste words when you’ve only got 700, yet the author has the butler coughing
for no reason.That is just curious to
me.I was waiting to hear that he was allergic
to something.Maybe the carpet in the
van or something.

The intercom
thing was good. If the chef hadn’t said
he heard the glass breaking I might have read right by that clue.

Det. Jenkins was right though, what about the
security cameras?Did they capture the
van’s plate? That was never mentioned again. And where is Crime
Scene?No ransom note?Where’s her husband?Supposedly a woman was just brutally grabbed
from her home a few hours ago and forced into a van and we’ve got one little
ole detective doing interviews. I’m not
sure why she thought it was an inside job before she got the details.I would have cut that.

Also missing…
what’s the motive?Okay, her husband is rich.But who needs/wants the money and why?

This story
lacked emotion, it lacked depth.It read
like a page out of a phone book.It was
listless, it had no energy, but it did have lots of missing details that would
have enriched the tale.

55 comments:

Jody, I didn't read this one. I buy WW at the grocery, and I didn't see any on the racks in the checkout lane I was in. I loved your summary and your comments. Although I didn't read the story, your remarks make perfect sense. Where is the husband? What about security cameras? And what's the motive? One thing I wondered about is the layout of the house. It would have to be huge to have 12 bedrooms and many other rooms. I can't imagine such a large place being only one level. I would assume the master bedroom would be on the second floor. It must have been, because of the glass doors breaking. I assume the doors led to a terrace. That means the kidnappers would have had to get her down a flight of stairs to the ground? Puzzling.

Anyway, although I didn't read it, your summary gave me hope for my own story, which is still out. At least I had a motive and some red herrings thrown in! We shall see.

It's Joyce again! I read the summary once more, and I am wrong about the glass doors leading to a terrace from an upstairs bedroom. A downstairs bedroom could also have a patio, porch, or terrace adjoining with sliding glass doors. French doors would be much more classy, however! With the glass doors, all the more reason for a security camera or alarm. Oh well, sometimes I believe I over think and over analyze these mysteries. Maybe that's why I can't seem to write a decent one.

@ Joyce. One of the things that made this story a snooze was the fact that there are no details. This is a millionaire's home. Where's the opulence, the marble floors, the vase of flowers as tall as a man in the foyer? It was just drab. It could have been at my house...except for the 12 bedrooms of course.

That's a good point about the bedroom being on the second floor. The story didn't specify. I suppose it could be a sprawling first-floor layout, but then you'd need a Segeay to get around. And if it was on the second floor, did they throw her over the railing? Just odd, this whole story.

Ouch....Your red pen must have worked overtime. A few things to note....the first half of my story was chopped up and reassembled by the editor. The cough...not mine. The broken glass...not mine...and many more variations were inserted that were not mine. Did I honestly believe this story would have made it through to the end...NO. Did I think other stories of mine were far better and would get accepted? Yes...but alas, they were rejected. Sometimes you Hit, sometimes you miss, but since this "miss" earned me five Ben Franklins....I'll take misses like this anytime.

Honestly, I don't get the editing at WW. If a story has to be rewritten by an editor to be considered publishable, why buy it in the first place? It isn't as if there aren't plenty of other stories to choose from. The money is nice, as Michael (right?) stated, but who wants to be known as a crappy writer? Especially if he didn't even write the stuff. Writers should write and editors should edit, and the two should not get mixed up in the same bag.

@ Michael. Oooo....we have the author on the line. Thank you so much for posting. We never know, unless you tells us, what was changed. Now, you know I slash and burn the story as it is published, so it would appear that most of my frustration lies with editing. Why WW would muck up a good story is beyond understanding. When they add details or change details, it stops the logical flow of the original story.

So tell us, was it the first or second floor? Why wasn't the husband mentioned? What about the security cameras? What was the motive? Where was Crime Scene? Inquiring minds want to know. :)

Honestly, I really didn't think too much into this one. Some fall into place, others do not. The editor choose to change some things and it really doesn't bother me. I don't see myself as a "crappy" writer, if I let the editor do what they feel they need to with the story. It's their publication with their "rules" and their own way of doing things. Everyone always tries to understand the logic of WW editors. I think it's best not to know. I put something together, whether my best or just fair and send it through. If it sticks for one reason or another...so be it. If not, I throw more into the pot. I don't think too deeply into procedure, or trying to explain every little detail. I believe the WW reader wants a simple mystery to read and try to solve in one sitting.

@ Michael. Hmmmm.... I see. So you slapped together a story, didn't care if it made sense or not, didn't take too much time with it...and sent it off. And WW slobbered all over themselves rushing to pay you $500.

Man, that blows.

Okay, so you can't say 'ouch' on this one. You deserved it. But we still love you. And envy you. And want to be you when we grow up. :)

@Michael. I purchase WW for the first time in a loooooong time as a result of reading Jody's blog. I was excited to see that it was your story as I know that you are a regular contributor here. For the record, I am not an aspiring writer, but I am an avid mystery reader. Especially short whodunit mysteries. I really liked your story. Personally I hate when writers add too much "setting" description. When I'm reading I usually skip right over all that "fluff". I just want details that are relevant to the action of the story. So for me having no description of the mansion is a plus. I completely missed the clue (maybe because I don't have much exposure to intercoms) but I loved the idea. I thought it a very clever clue. I know you said that you didn't add the butler coughing, but that actually threw me off. I though maybe it was supposed to be a clue.

Some stories are better than others. It makes no sense to just assume they won't accept it. Send it in and forget about it. You may be surprised,as I was. In fact, the two stories I have had published I would never had thought they would have taken. The ones I thought were gems earned me a nice piece of scrap paper with a generic WW rejection on the back side.

But --- but --- we don't send in stories that are sub par. We send in our best work. We strive to get everything right, and put in enough clues, and have interesting characters. And in doing so we always think WW is going to like it and buy it. We never think they won't take it. Am I wrong here, ladies and a couple gents? Otherwise we wouldn't waste our time and postage.

Michael is sending in stories he doesn't have much confidence in ... and they're selling. What's with that?

Well, hell, I don't know what I'm doing fussing over my work and trying to make it the best it can be. Apparently it doesn't matter what crap you throw at the barn door cuz something will stick somewhere. And Johnene will jazz it up anyway, so why bother. Shoot, I'm not going to even spell check the next one.

Okay, I lie. I'm too anal to not spell check.

And Victoria, if you're skimming over parts, then those parts are not well written or they would have held your interest. I mean you can write "She walked in in a blue dress." Or you can write "She walked in in a blue dress that hugged her curves and made his mouth go dry." One of those sentences is more interesting than the other.

Oh, boy, I love it when this blog gets busy. Michael, I get where you're coming from completely - some stories we send in just don't inspire confidence in us that they are sellers but we've put all the work in, honed them to be the best they can be, and want to at least give them half a chance of seeing the light of day. Doesn't mean they're badly written, we just don't know if they are hot. So when an editor says, 'hey, I like this little tale', we are happy to think that our not so pretty baby did have something going for it after all.

For me, this story was a winner because you came up with a clue that got right past me. I didn't cotton on that intercoms are like walkie-talkies and you have to release the button to hear what's happening at the other end. The woman being kidnapped certainly wasn't in any fit state to answer the buzzer, and the kidnappers were too busy kidnapping to do it, so the solution worked. So often they don't.

I did wonder briefly about such a big place being all on one level but since I live in a bungalow the downstairs bedroom didn't give me as much pause as it seems to have others. Maybe if you'd had her disabled and sleeping downstairs so she didn't have to climb the stairs that would have answered everyone's questions.

I think Joyce is right, we do have a tendency to over-think these little mysteries sometimes. Yes, description helps paint a picture, but we only have 700 words to play with, so how many are we going to use putting a plant pot by the door and an ormolu mirror over the fireplace if they aren't needed for the plot? The words 'estate, millionaire, and butler' meant it was never going to be a shack in the boondocks we were being asked to imagine.

Morning Chris. If I were a disabled millionaire I wouldn't put a bedroom downstairs, I'd put in an elevator or one of those chairs that electrically go up the stairs. Or maybe I'd have the handsome butler carry me upstairs. :)

Ooooo....let's kill off someone by electrocution as the old geezer is buzzing himself up the stairs. Me likey.

Instead of coughing (I can't get over that...) the butler could have picked up a dropped leaf from the exotic orchid display in the foyer. Same number of words, different picture...one that at least adds color to the story. Ah'm jus sayin'.

PS I'm taking a short story course and was given a list of places that buy shorts. Lots of places I've never seen before. I haven't really explored the list yet to see what's 'good', but do you want a copy?

As I write that I realized I probably should offer that to anyone else who wants it that reads/posts on my blog. I just offered it to Chris because we often exchange markets for our rejected WW stories. If you want the list (and I now have 4 separate ones with around 100 magazines) just email me at ladyrprter at aol dot com. I try to stick to paying markets and I don't bother with mags that pay under $25 or with free copies of the magazine or that have a submission fee, however, this new list I just got hasn't been groomed yet so beware, anything goes with that one.

YES PLEASE, Jody, send it my way. I had another small cheque through this morning from Ireland's Own for another of my children's stories, but other than that and the biggy from Woman's Weekly last month it's been a quiet few weeks. New markets gratefully received.

I would like the list, Jody. I'll email you so you can zip it back to me. Thanks. This has been an interesting interchange on the blog, my head spinning with the conflicting opinions. I seem to agree with everyone, so what does that make me?

I guess I don't love rich people as much as Johnene apparently does. Twelve bedrooms, how many bathrooms? How complicated is that intercom system?

The clue about the intercom went right past me too, even though the husband & I use walkie-talkies all the time to talk to each other in the house. We used to have a wired intercom setup, but it broke & the walkie-talkies work better for us, no matter where we are.

Jody, re your comment "I'd put in an elevator or one of those chairs that electrically go up the stairs," husband's doctor has offered to write him a Rx for one, since he has diabetic neuropathy & can't feel his feet. Maybe we'll take him up on it. We're considering whether to stay in this house or not.

A have a friend who only has three bedrooms and she still has that intercom system in the house. It plays music, too. I just don't see the need to talk to anyone when I'm in the john. Unless, of course, there is no paper on the roll..

Jody-I totally agreed with you on this one. It is an awfully boring read. I have not read the other comments yet, because I did not want my initial reaction modified by anyone else . . . I have noticed some comments on this site seem annoyed with your insistence on the police procedural aspect of the stories. Mostly, I agree with them, as I think of these stories as the kind of stuff I used to read while waiting in my car for one of my (many) kids to come out of his tutoring session or band practice or some such thing . . . just a pasttime. I love that WW never has us continue our stories onto some other page, like "real" magazines . . . Moms in cars can't handle that much complexity, our lives are already overly full with complexity. I do so much enjoy reading your reactions to the published mysteries. Keep it up. Happy Whatever Holiday You Celebrate, and Great New Year ahead for you and all of us. Julia

@ Julia. Thanks, It's a Merry Christmas for me. And I love New Years... a chance for a fresh start.

If I were a nurse I'd be correcting hospital stories. If I were an electrician and I read about somebody wiring a bomb wrong, something that couldn't possibly work, I'd have to point it out. I work in the legal field. These are cop stories. I can't let that stuff slide or my head will explode.

Tracie Rae's got a good story next week. Probably the best clue I've ever seen. But there is a police faux pas that I have to make a comment on. Stay tuned.

Jody, Julia...it's interesting that you find the story boring if it doesn't have colourful descriptions. For me its the opposite. I'm not really a visual person, so descriptions that "set the mood" but don't add to the action of the story or are not part of the clue are not interesting to me at all. This is probably why I don't read fiction novels at all. I like either mini-mysteries or educational non-fiction books.

Hi, Victoria, No, it wasn't the lack of visual description that made the story boring to me. It was the lack of emotional drive to it - no fear, no involvement in the kidnapping, no real sense of anything being at stake. I just didn't care about anyone or anything in the story. I like to remind myself (when attempting to write one of these, which I do every so often) that not all words are created equal. I like to find the strongest words I can to describe the action. That way I hope to arouse some feeling in the reader. The stories are puzzles, but if there is feeling to them, the puzzles can pack a bit of punch. And I thought Jody displayed writerly ability when she explained how to establish the formal, opulent look of the place, not by describing it visually, but by describing an action, such as picking up an orchid leaf from the floor . . . that makes a point and creates a visual image but without a wasted word.

@ Victoria. To each his own, and that's a good thing. Variety makes the world go round, otherwise we'd all be wearing red shirts and reading Hemmingway.

If you like to cut quickly to the meat of the matter, I bet you don't like poetry then, right? Too much beating around the bush I'm guessing.

I'm with you on overly descriptive passages. I just hate to read about the golden swatch of sunlight gleaming on the mountain peaks, that were just gently touching billowy white fluffy clouds that looked like baby sheep romping in the yard.

Red shirts. LMAO. In a Star Trek universe, we'd all be dead.I got the clue right away on this one. Didn't get the cough, either. Sometimes things sound good in your head but don't make the transition to the page. That could be what happened here.Congrats to Michael for the sale. Thanks for the blogs, Jodi. They are very helpful.Merry Christmas to all!

Jody, Julie, I'm not disagreeing with your point of you. I absolutely agree that different people like different styles. You were wondering why the editors purchased Michael's story. I liked it, so my perspective must have matched with the editors at least on this one. I am just explaining why it appealed to me. Hopefully that gives you a glimpse into why WW purchased it. Most probably the reason that there is such a variety of stories is because WW tries to appeal to different types of readers. Jody you had already guessed at that possibility in a previous post.

Jody some poetry that I love - not in any particular order:If by Rudyard KiplingInvictus by William Earnest HenleyI Being Born a Women by Edna St. Vincent MilayTo Lucasta, Going to the Wars by Richard Lovelaceparts of An Essay on Man by Alexander PopeThe Furniture of a Woman's Mind by Jonathan Swift

Never would I have thought that my story would have created such a "heated" but friendly debate. My overall philosophy is that I do not think too deeply into any story. I just do this for fun, normally I write for magazines, which is pure non-fiction. This is my only journey into fiction.

About the intercom, Michael: I taught in a school whose intercom system did allow back and forth communication. Sometimes teachers would leave the intercom running (without realizing) and end up embarrassed by having the principal hear everything that went on! I have also worked in places where the intercoms did not allow two-way communication unless one stood there pressing the button down the whole time of the conversation. So I did not really buy into your clue.

Elizabeth - I don't think Johnene likes rich folks any more than the rest of us do, but she does like to have three possible perps, and, with a large mansion to run, you can slip in a housekeeper, butler, gardener, chef, chauffeur, etc., and get your three that way, quite easily. But I think a story has more punch if at least one of the possible perps is related (by blood or marriage) to the victim. That way there is some emotional investment. It's easier to care if a rich woman is double-crossed by her grandson (who SHOULD respect, if not love her), than if a rich woman is victimized by her paid companion or someone else like that.

Michael - you had a super story back in the Spring that did exactly what I just mentioned to Elizabeth. It was about a family (wealthy, of course) at a gala event. An elderly man was killed by his own daughter, but, before we got to figure that out, we suspected other family members - a bratty grandchild, and a son-in-law. I thought you NAILED that story. This latest one, though - didn't buy the clue, didn't feel any human emotional frisson going on between any of the characters. I remember seeing your name on some self-defense stories (non-fic) that one of my sons (the cop) has left lying around. Is that you - one and the same? What a good background for a mystery writer!

@ Julia. Interesting thought about the emotional investment in a story where the person is betrayed by a loved one as opposed to say the lawn man. If there is none of that emotional investment, there should be some darn good reasons behind the motive for us to chew on.

The chef has been offered a chance to be the host on his own cooking show, but he has to be one of the backers in order to do that.

Or the butler, who has been waiting on this woman for umpteen years, had finally had it with her simpering, spoiled ways and when he voiced a complaint one night as she woke him up to get her some aspirin, she looked down her nose at him and told him she was leaving him nothing in her will.

The gardener's wife needs an expensive operation and he asked Ms. Rich Bitch for a loan, but she denied his request. Desperate, he hatched this plan.

SOMETHING. Give us something. And along with that we need some red herring clues. Make us work a little for the answer. Make us go, Ah, didn't see that one coming!

Yes, Jody. that's it, exactly. Otherwise, it seems like Evil is just roaming around loose, making people do awful things. But nothing beats a really personal relationship at the heart of the crime, IMHO. We've all been betrayed, some of us are luckier than others and the betrayals we suffered were small potatoes, compared to being murdered, but still, that fellow feeling is there and makes us care.

Wow! Things got cooking on here. I just had a minute to catch up on a few things and take a look...I actually liked Michael's story. I think some of the editing changed a bit of the tone, but it wasn't that detrimental, if you ask me. And I think I know what Michael said about just sending off the story and hoping for the best. Sometimes you have an idea for a story, and it flows. Other times, you work it and change it and revise it, and with 700 or 800 words, you settle, hoping it will sell, and send it in. You may not have the confidence that you felt with some of your other work, but these stories, both the mysteries and romances, are so short, it's not worth reworking again and again. I've said this before. At that point, just write a NEW one, and send in both. I don't think there's anything wrong with sending in Story A, (one you're not sure about, but have perhaps grown tired of) and also Story B, (one that you absolutely LOVE!) and have every confidence the editors will also love. Sometimes, you're surprised, and your "A" story sells. Awesome! Sometimes you're disappointed and the "B" story comes back with "just didn't work for me." Whaaaaaat? It was sooooo sweet. That's the way the cookie crumbles. I'm not saying I or Michael or anyone else sends in crap, but you just keep trying and once in awhile you hit the mark. And it's NICE. All the way to the bank...

Mary Ann, Thank you for your kind words. Again, I believe in quantity over 100% quality. The more you throw at them the better your chances I believe (as long as you have a decent story, of course)I think the "average" person does a quick read of the mystery and tries to find a solution during the same sitting and then doesn't come back to it again. I feel they don't get wrapped up into too much description or are put off by lack of proper police procedure (does the average person know what is the correct police procedure, in most cases??) Some stories feel good, some feel fair, but that doesn't mean the editors will have the same mentality as the author. If you put yourself into the head of the "average" reader, your story may be what the WW editors will take.

I don't know about everyone else, but I only put in about an hour to each mystery...from start to outgoing mail. Rough draft...revision...final in about an hour. What is everyone's completion time, usually??

I've never noticed the time but my method is a get a rough draft down, get a word count, then either start deleting or fluffing as needed. I don't do it all in one sitting. I like to let it simmer. I pick it up again a day or two later and tweak the heck out of it. More simmering. One final run through before I add the headers, etc. Usually I send it out within a week.

I couldn't send a story off so soon after completion if it had been written in an hour, Michael, even after days of mental knitting. Always have to let it settle for a day or two, get some feedback, deal with those obvious-to-someone-else flaws that seem to slip past our eyes when we're too close to the thing to see them. It's just my way of doing things. But you've sold to them and I haven't, so what do I know!

Chris - I think (but do not know for sure because he never answered my earlier question) that Michael works in journalism, as I have found him on-line with some articles about self-defense. Journalists learn to write really fast, and I think his "mental knitting" is probably fast too. (I worked for newspapers for years, and I learned to think up leads and transitions in my head, which saved a lot of time.) Looking forward to your first published story, be sure and alert us all. Happy new year.

Loved the clue (which I couldn't figure out). Regarding completion time, I've only written short romances (three submitted; no word on any of them yet), which take two or three days from start to mailing.)

I'd love that list of short fiction publishers, Jody, but I can't find your email anywhere on this site...am I missing something? I'm at bettye(at)bettyegriffin.com , but I'll gladly email you and make a formal request if you would just give me your email addy...

@Bettye. I'm not a formal kind of gal...I just sent it off to you. Let me know if you don't get it for some reason. My email is ladyrprter(at)aol dot com if you want to store it somewhere, but you can always reach me through this blog.

Julia, I think my English style just doesn't suit WW's way of doing things, even with all the help I've had from Betsi, Mary Ann, Jody, Mary Jo and others over the past year or two. I've been knocking on WW's door for a decade now with a few near misses but so far no success. Thankfully there are plenty of others around the world that do seem to like my stuff, so I focus on them and only send stuff to WW when the mood takes me. WW still have half a dozen of mine that I've yet to hear back about, so fingers still crossed.

You have the right attitude Chris, to never give up, which will see you crack them eventually. Jimmy Meiss once wrote on a rejection that I was wasting my postage, (I live outside US) but as most of my stories made it to Johnene's desk I kept trying and have since had five stories pubbed in WW. Learning from each R and self-belief was the key I think.

Ouch, that would've hurt. I always found Jimmy very helpful and fair in her comments and Patricia and Johnene have continued that trend, but occasionally something will make you wince, like that must have. The cost of postage from outside the US (I'm in the UK) is very pricey and when stories go astray it does feel like you're wasting your money, but those acceptances you eventually got will definitely have made up for it.

Mom on my porch, doing the same jigsaw puzzle she does every day.

Kayla, my granddaughter. :)

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Want help with your story?

My day job puts me in contact with real cops, detectives, FBI agents and DEA guys. I have worked thousands of cases from the homeless guy on the Metrorail who got arrested for jumping the turnstile -- that’s right, arrested for not having a quarter -- to the Tamiami Strangler, a serial killer who strangled hookers along the famous trail in Miami. I produce court transcripts for a living.

Who better to look at your mystery stories to see if the police procedures are true, the clues are solid and the whole thing works? I will not hesitate to point out the good, the bad and the ugly in your story. Both of my WW mysteries made it to Johnene. From there? Cross your fingers.

The line-by-line edit, which also includes grammar, spelling and proofing, will offer suggestions on how to improve problem spots. The cost is $29 payable by PayPal. 72-hour turn around time.

I’ll also take a second look once you’ve revamped your story, but this time I’ll only look for glaring errors assuming all the details you chose to put in you want to stay in.

Send your story as a Word e-mail attachment to ladyrprter at aol dot com, and the fee to PayPal using ladyrprter at aol dot com for the payee

Your tag line is the hook that gets someone interested in reading your work. It's one of the most important lines of your story. Take time to make it sparkle.

Criminals don't always think the crime through--especially if the crime is one of passion or revenge--but don't have them make stupid or stilly mistakes just to get your story written. Make the mistakes something that you just normally don't think about. Like the pruning skin in this story.

You don't always have to have crime scene details to make a mystery story work. Cozy mysteries sell well if you make the characters interesting.

Once again WW chose a story with a female cop and little old ladies. Just remember to use the proper words for the crimes and before you say things like, he jimmied the lock, understand just what that is.

You've only got 700 words. Make them count. Don't waste words on things that don't matter. And NEVER give a clue and then later in the solution change it to the opposite. That's not fair. Just how is the reader supposed to figure it out then?

There are many ways to lay out the solve-it-yourself story. You don't always have to have the reader guess who the perp is. This week's story was presented with a fresh angle. We knew who did it. The question was did she cover her tracks well enough to fool the police?

As writers we often ask the reader to suspend disbelief a bit, but don't overdo it. Keep it as real as you can or you'll lose the reader.

If you have four suspects, have four good motives. Otherwise what's the point in having four suspects? It is almost a sin to have four suspects and not have even one decent red herring in the bunch. That's just a waste of words.

When the reader expects one situation, and gets another, that's really a form of a red herring. I expected a tired old theory and was given the surprise of a fresh twist. As the reader I was tricked...and that's a good thing.

When you reuse characters be sure to make them interesting and likable. Being cranky is not the same as being interesting. Be careful to not let one of them become mean. It's hard to like someone who calls people names and teases them about their not so glorious past.

Don't introduce a main character too late in the story. The reader feels cheated.

You don't always have to have police involved for a mystery to work. Be realistic if you are going to use animals in your story. Lassie wasn't real.

Write in more than one good motive. Two or three people could have done it, but only one has the means and opportunity to go with that motive.

I realize you only have 700 words to get in your story, but use every one of those words wisely. Don't repeat to fill the space. If your story is really done in 350 words, your story is too simple.

Try not to use the same old tired solutions. We're writers. Come up with something new and interesting. Treat the readers to a challenge. If I see one more muddy footprint on a white carpet...I'm going to hurt somebody.

Readers like to follow the same characters. Once you sell a mystery to WW, try building up a following by using the same police characters in future stories. Do us all a favor though... make them likable.

I know I'm repeating myself (talk about deja vu) but please try your very best to come up with a fresh twist or interesting solution that hasn't been done before. We want WW readers to LOVE this mystery page...not become bored with it.

Don't use too many names in your story. It just confuses the reader. The story this week handled this extremely well. You knew who you were reading about from the character's description. It all flowed well and never pulled the reader out of the story.

A short story is really just a very short novel. The same rules apply. Give us characters we will love and care about. Don't have them doing silly things.

Once again we have someone not acting right. Check your facts. Check your facts. Check your facts. Did I mention you should ALWAYS check your facts? Getting the details right should just be a given.

Make sure the solution makes sense. Common sense. Put yourself in their shoes. What would you do? Think? How would you act? Don't throw in a rotten fish just for smell.

Know the proper use of words. Men don't leer at each other -- generally. lol. Don't make up a silly details to fit your story line. Make sure everything works and people act in character.

UPDATE: Woman's World has changed their rights clause.

Q: It used to be WW had FNSR, first rights with a 6-month clause. Has that changed?

A: Yes. It used to be first serial rights which meant the magazine had the right to be the first place to publish the article/story/ poem in North America (USA and Canada) and after the piece ran, you were free to resell it to another medium or to package a collection of your work into a book.

However in 2014 Bauer Publishing has changed to this:

License to Bauer Publishing for User Content. You grant to Bauer Publishing the unrestricted, unconditional, non-exclusive, unlimited, worldwide, irrevocable, perpetual and royalty-free right and license to host, use, copy, distribute, reproduce, disclose, sell, re-sell, sub-license, display, perform, transmit, publish, broadcast, modify, reformat, translate, archive, store, cache or otherwise exploit in any manner whatsoever, all or any portion of your User Content for any purpose whatsoever in all formats; on or through any media, software, formula or medium now known or hereafter developed; and with any technology or devices now known or hereafter developed and to advertise, market and promote the same.

About Me

Following sixteen years as a travel agent (more travel than money) Jody Lebel switched gears, returned to school and became a court reporter (more money than travel). She swapped jetting off to fun and exotic locations for reporting the cases of murderers, rapists, and thieves who are, by the way, almost never in a good mood. Being assigned to the chief judge in Broward County exposed her to a wide spectrum of cases; from funny to tragic to bizarre to downright creepy. She has reported everything from a homeless guy who had jumped the turnstile on the Metrorail and was now in jail for not having a quarter, to the Tamiami Strangler, a serial killer who murdered six women. ******
Contact me at ladyrprter at aol dot com

Woman's World Info ...

In 1981, Heinrich Bauer Verlag of Hamburg, West Germany, one of Europe's largest magazine publishers, entered America's highly competitive women's service magazine field when it launched the weekly Woman's World. The magazine quickly set itself apart from the rest of the pack. Other women's magazines of the day were mostly thick slick tomes bursting with ads, and featuring articles geared to upwardly mobile readers. Woman's World, on the other hand, offered a high-quality tabloid-style format light on ads that was aimed at middle-class moms who wanted practical advice on food, fashion, parenting, and beauty and health tips. The public soon took notice. Woman's World quickly became the most popular weekly women's magazine in the country.

Today, Bauer Publishing USA, headquartered in Englewood Cliffs, New Jersey, is the number one seller of magazines on newsstands in the United States, generating an annual $320 million dollars in single copy revenue. It publishes two of the top five selling titles on the newsstand-Woman's World and In Touch Weekly. For several years running, Woman's World, a fixture at supermarket checkout stands everywhere, was the most popular newsstand magazine of any kind. As it celebrates its 25th anniversary in 2006, Woman's World remains the #1 selling women's publication on newsstands, selling more than 77 million copies in 2004. First for Women, another Bauer publication was second in sales with 25 million. Far back in the pack in third place was Woman's Day, with sales of 16 million newsstand copies.

Woman's World celebrated its 25th year on the newstands in 2006. This weekly publication is the number one newsstand seller with a yearly circulation of well over 84 million. Don't underestimate this little magazine. Woman's World is very popular with middle class women for many reasons. The price is nice, at $1.79 and it has very few ads and none of those annoying subscription cards inside. Every single page is jam packed with information and the romantic fiction and a solve-it-yourself mystery are a nice bonus. The features makes you feel good too.

Woman's World Fiction Guidelines

WOMAN'S WORLD FICTION GUIDELINES Mini mystery guidelines: We purchase short "solve-it-yourself" mysteries of 700 words--a count that includes the narrative and the solution. Stories should be cleverly plotted, entertaining cliffhangers that end with a challenge to the reader to figure out “whodunit” or “howdunit.” The solution to the mystery is provided in a separate box.Robbery, burglary, fraud and murder are acceptable subjects, but spare the readers any gory details or excessive violence, please! We are also not interested in ghost stories, science fiction or fantasy.We pay $500 per mystery and retain all rights after publication.IMPORTANT NOTES:Manuscripts should be double-spaced in legible size type.Where to send manuscripts:

If you have not previously been published by Woman's World magazine: Fiction@WomansWorldMag.com to Patricia Gaddis' attention If you have had a romance or mini-mystery published by Woman's World:FictionPro@WomansWorldMag.com to Patricia Gaddis' attention

Get to know us: Please familiarize yourself thoroughly with our romances and mini mysteries before submitting your work.Be patient: Because we receive a tremendous volume of manuscripts, our turnaround time may range from one to three months. If you still have not heard from us after four months, feel free to submit your manuscript t another publisher. Please do not call or write us to inquire about a manuscript's status.

My track record --

I took Kate Willoughby's workshop on how to write for Woman's World magazine. I highly recommend it. Go to her blogspot site at womansworldstyle.blogspot.com for more info.

Then I sat down and wrote my first romance story for WW. That was in July 2012. It sold in November 2012 and appeared in the December 31st issue.