Pitch

this is the slow death
of the pitchman

he started pitching in elevators
to top executives, movie stars, and world-class athletes
his pitch was legendary
in fifteen seconds flat
he not only had their interest
he had their money
always walking off the elevator
wealthier than he entered
his net worth going up
floor by floorpitch by pitch

then his pitches became predictable
he had pitched everyone
he reached a full saturation of pitches
nothing stuck

he switched to the streets
pitching people walking by
and he got his groove back
people bought vegetable peelers
travel mugs and posters
but he was not gaining anything
he was making ends meet
and sure enough
he pitched himself out
everyone had heard it
everyone had bought
no one was left to buy

desperate and pretty much finished
he wiped his brow one last time
and boarded the elevator again
he met an executive
and began one last pitch
the executive said don’t waste your time
and he said, no no, hear me out
he explains how he was finished
he asked the executive to kill him
the executive, intrigued, asked him to continue
he said, no no, you don’t get it, i want you to kill me
the executive started cracking up
patted him on the back
and cut him a check