Tuesday, August 10, 2010

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face! P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face! Today I'm confessing that I'm a pretty private person. This shows up in my life in three ways:

1) I tend to keep everything from my feelings to my deepest thoughts to myself unless I know someone REALLY well. I've got this crazy-good poker face. (Hence, the reference to Lady Gaga. Actually, this is probably the extent of my similarity to her. And I'm pretty sure based on the rest of the lyrics of that song that we aren't using our poker faces for the same purpose.) People can tell me THE MOST SHOCKING NEWS EVER right to my face, and I can pretty much act like I've heard it ten times before . . . and in my line of work, I've heard some pretty shocking things. People only know what I'm feeling or thinking if I want them to know what I'm feeling and thinking.

2) I'm an expert at using the word "interesting" to mean everything from,

"That could be the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

"I need to think about that for a little while before I have an opinion."

"I'm genuinely interested in that. Tell me more."

(If you are someone who has actual face-to-face conversations with me, let's just assume I'm always using "interesting" in reference to that last reason when I'm talking with you.)

3) I try to get to know other people, but I rarely let other people get to know me really well.

I'm not sure why I'm like this. I'm not sure if I've always been like this? I'm not sure if I'll ever stop being like this. I've used some of these tuesday's true confessions to be a little less private . . . at least with people in blogland, some of who I also know in "real" life (whatever that is).

I'm confessing this today because it was a tough day and an incredible day all in one, and I thought I'd take another step in self-disclosure.

After more than a year of doctor's visits and mystery symptoms, my oldest was diagnosed with kidney and bladder malformations at the age of 3 when she had her first surgery. I've spent the last two years scheduling her bathroom habits, fluid intake, medications, renal function tests, etc. Today was the second surgery . . . a surgery that we were told she would have to have every two years until about the age of 16 or so. Ugh!

I've had my very best poker face on the past two years in response to this in spite of what I feel inside. I had my very best poker face on last night as I was explaining to her what would be happening again today. I had my very best poker face on as I held her in the surgical room while they were putting her to sleep. (It's sooooo cool that they let a parent go into the surgery room now until the child is asleep. That wasn't the case two years ago, and it was wonderful to be with her.) I had my very best poker face on as the surgeon called us back to the consultation room to tell us how the surgery went.

And as I listened to her report, my poker face was replaced by the largest, brightest, most amazing smile I've had in a long time. In two short years, something rare happened . . . something she doesn't see happen very often, she's healed . . . for the most part . . . we think. We're going to be cautiously optimistic over the next few weeks as we start to take her off her medication. But for the time being, no more renal function tests, ultrasounds and surgeries.

How about you? Do you have a great poker face or a face that every feeling and thought is written on? Are you someone who guards your heart or who wears your heart on your sleeve?

Confess on!

**I'm not doing the linky because it takes so much time to set up. I don't have that kind of time today, but I would love to hear what you have to say in the comments or you can post a link in your comment to your blog if you have your own confession post you want to share.

21 comments:

Oh, wow! I'm filled with great joy about your wonderful news! :o) Are we related? Because I wear my poker face almost all the time too. I confessed about my gray hair today. You can take a look when you have time. Happy, Happy Tuesday! Get some rest tonight. :o)

First, yay on the good news! Now, when I saw the headline in my reader I was trying to imagine what similarities you had to Lady GaGa...was really curious about that lol!

I think all moms have a poker face to some extent but I have always had a serious face. From infancy, I was not a big grinner and was called Spock as a child because no one ever knew my emotions. I am still like that except with those really close to me. Blogging has actually helped me become more social.

I am one who purposefully wears her heart on her sleeve. I'm too true not to. I'm a horrible liar. Plus, I actually want people to know what I am thinking in real time...saves me having to bring people up to date later as to how what they said affected me. Know what I mean!~?

I don't like other people's children, at least not people I don't know. Which is pretty bad, because I work in a toy store and at a library. I don't like the fact that the people that come into the store, don't care what their children do and then they get mad at me when I ask them not to sit on certain things, or when I tell them that certain things aren't for sale. And I can't stand hearing children having temper tantrums

Yay! I am so happy for your family! How miraculous! My confession this week is that I totally and VERY accidentally flashed my underwear to all the 16 and 17 year old girls at church. As in skirt down to my ankles flashed. It was an object lesson - I was doing distracting things like taking off over-clothes and jewelry and nail polish while mumbling and not making eye contact. Then I was going to say something like "Most of you won't remember what I said, but you'll remember what I did." You know, the whole actions speak louder than words thing. Boy, did I hit that point home, or what? It was my first Sunday teaching them and I wanted to make a big impression only THAT really wasn't the impression I was planning on. Ha ha ha!

Oh Elizabeth! What a blessing for your family. I'm so thrilled for all of you. My daughter has some health issues as well and I have that poker face for her too - and it's hard. And tiring.But thanks so much for sharing part of yourself - it's fun to be able to rejoice with you!!

I'm probably completely opposite of you. My problem is that I show too many emotions and have trouble keeping cool in bad/sad situations. I'm working on it, because of my daughter and I want to keep a strong, positive face for her when she's hurt or sad.

I am so happy that you got to wear your super happy face! I am definitely a poker face. I just don't react to much, although I do practice getting excited or being shocked so that when I do actually convey those emotions, they don't seem forced. It's not going very well, unfortunately for my husband who loves to try to surprise me.

That is amazing news! I will be thinking and praying for you that everything goes well! And I have no poker face what so ever! I am like a book, you can read everything that I am thinking! I need to practice a poker face! Congratulations! Hugs!!

blogging manners

I try to teach my kids good manners. I'm not sure how successful I've been though. But when I hear them say "please" or "thank you", I know my persistence is paying off. I try to use good manners on my blog too . . . giving credit where credit is due by linking back to projects or ideas from other crafty bloggers. I ask you to do the same. If, in some rare instance, you are inspired enough to blog about something I tried or use an idea you find here, please link back to me (if it's my idea) or the original blogger. Feel free to use my original ideas and tutorials for personal use only (gifts or self) not for profit!