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Tuesday, March 31, 2009

And today on the front page of Fox News (Yes, Fox News: Because, as I've told you, I need immediate notification of A) security threats and B) women who deliver babies into their sweatpants ) they reported that Baitullah Mehsud, commander of the Taliban in Pakistan, has declared that he is going to mastermind an attack on Washington "that will amaze the world".

As I said, not funny.

But. THIS is the picture they ran with the article.

I promise this is not an April Fools post.

Um....where to begin.

Baitullah, Baitullah, Baitullah....

WHEN THREATENING THE MOST POWERFUL NATION IN THE WORLD:

DO: Spend a little extra on a good conditioner. If your curls aren't shiny and bouncy, you'll just come off looking like a rastafarian poodle.

DON'T: Rock a tired old "bad guy" bandana. It screams 'amatuer' and just reminds us of Michael Jackson.

DON'T: Wear a hat that looks like an apple pie. In fact, all pastry-themed headgear is decidedly unscary.

As someone who is actually named Mrs. Smith, I'd like to point out that my pies are much more chic and fashionable, not to mention scads more delicious than the pathetic, lumpy-crusted attempt at a "couture confection" Mr. No, Really, I'm a Scary Terrorist Dude's got going on up there.

Add in some "Grecian Formula" to cover the greys, and he can go from "terrorista" to "fashionista"! Bring it on, stinky Sasquatch! "ALLAH be waitin' for you with my Smith and Wesson, as I am one of those who 'clings to my God and my guns!'"

Dangit somebody already asked if it was Cat Stevens. I wanted to ask that. Dangit.

This guy - didn't he get the message? The war on terror is over. Obama said so.

In the meantime after the Obama election, and the Obama stimulus plan, and the Obama takeover of banking and the auto industry...well I just don't think there's anything else to do to wreck Washington DC. Obama kinda did a preemptive strike thing. Nothing left.

I guess I missed my 15 minutes of fame. 1991, I delivered my 4th child in the Dodge Caravan on the way to the hospital. Still had on my stretchy maternity shorts. I just never dreamed that would be "news".