Saturday, March 16, 2013

Goldenshower mystique

For the past two months, my family was greeted on daily basis, with the fresh pool of pure gold in front of our apartment. At first, we thought that it couldn't be what we all knew that it was, so we decided to do a bit of snooping, in order to discover the mystery irrigator. Two weeks into our investigation, we were still at the begging. However, other clues started to appear, mostly in the form of our old brownie friends, conveniently clumped into piles in front of the building entrance. The freshness of these goodies, clearly indicated that the urine phantom lives in our building. But who exactly was the stealthy pisser? Was it the hysterical husky from the pent house? Or was it the fury love, the Alice in chains, the dog that is walked on two leashes, one that goes around its neck and two that go around its chest. Maybe it was the newly bought setter, proudly owned by the architect family on the fourth floor. Mystery continued to this day, when it was revealed by my mother's friend, the nutjob that feeds the graveyard puppies.

She proudly stated, that she would never allow her dog to do anything bad and that her househusband always cleans the piss that her dog unloads in front of our door. Ah, that is why, after two months, the gold puddles disappeared, I thought that it was the drought. I feel much better now, knowing that we have such a responsible dog owners in our building.

As she was talking about it, I instantly pictured myself in front of her door, taking a dump and than after a year, telling her that I need to unload my bowels on her doorstep and proudly stating that I am civilized enough to use the toilet paper after I am done. Of course I kept my thoughts for myself and just smiled.

If they were not so deadly and degrading in every possible shape or form, the dogcravers would be funny. I mean, imagine the 911 call and the hysterical voice on the other side saying : "My babies just rip each other to pieces and they are dying!!!". If I was the dispatcher, my question would be " Excuse me mam, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ? ", then I would call the nearest air force base and requested an airstrike.

Well, no, but this story will have many twists that might be interpreted as chauvinistic and sexist. What I have found was that there is a certain gender element in this story, so that is why I wrote that.Yeah, the graveyard puppies are strays that were born in the wrecked grave at the cemetery.

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About Me

“One of the greatest mistakes, in my opinion, is to identify the pet movement with the ecological movement. The pet movement is an industry based commercial trend while the ecological movement is driven by the noble idea that goes beyond ourselves. The pet movement is equally destructive towards nature as the oil industry is yet it was able to hide its true nature behind pet animal. The pet animal is just another industrial product and has the connection with the nature as much as the oil tanker. It is my firm belief that the greatest danger for the ecological movement and nature itself, comes not from the heavy industries yet from the pet movement itself”.
Professor Hilder