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Augusta National dragged kicking and screaming into the 21st century

“I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member”

– Groucho Marx

I like girls.

I like hanging out in places that have girls.

Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy a night out with the boys as much as the next guy, but can you imagine hanging out with nothing but dudes all the time? That doesn’t sound like much fun to me. It’s why people leave bars at 1:30 in the morning, because the proper ratio of women to men has dwindled down to zero.

Now I’m sure after spending a glorious spring, afternoon strolling Augusta National with Hootie Johnson, the course’s former chairman, not chairperson, he’d be able to break down the golf course’s rich tradition, show you the Eisenhower Tree, and even somewhat convince you they were justified for never, not once in the club’s eighty year history, enrolling a member of the opposite sex. Perhaps they’ve been allergic to females all this time. Or maybe they genuinely couldn’t find one ‘worthy’ of their little club.

Well, the times they are a-changin’. Black people can now sit at restaurant counters, gay couples can marry and women can become members at Augusta National. Stand up, America, and take a bow. It only took 400 hundred years for us to understand the true meaning of that whole ‘all men are created equal’ credo. The snail’s pace at which this country crawls to respect one’s human rights amazes me, but better late than never, I guess.

So why dredge all this up? Well, in case you hadn’t heard, former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and South Carolina financier (that means she’s rich) Darla Moore were just allowed membership to our country’s most elite golf club, becoming the first females to ever do so. There goes the neighborhood.

Personally, I can’t wait for the healthy ribbing; the cooking and cleaning jokes should be a real hoot. Remember when Tiger Woods became the first African-American golfer to win at Augusta in 1997? That victory was followed up by Fuzzy Zoeller suggesting Woods would choose fried chicken and watermelon at the tournament’s Champions dinner the following year. Classy. Fuzzy received some flack for that, but far too many wrote it off as Fuzzy being Fuzzy, turning their heads while he shouted from his secluded, Augusta balcony, white hoods tucked neatly away in their closets. I mean, seriously, with all the things that have been covered up in sports lately, steroids, child abuse, game-fixing, would it surprise anyone at this point if card-carrying members at Augusta happened to be card-carrying members of another considerably less savory organization? Besides, like Dave Chappelle once said, if you don’t like fried chicken and watermelon, there’s something wrong with YOU.

I’ve been to Augusta twice. I’ve never felt all that uncomfortable walking its grounds, probably because I’m white. It really is a beautiful place but the sensible part of me always wanted to resent it for some reason, for only allowing members they felt fit the bill, and yes, that had far more to do with race and gender than anything else. Augusta didn’t allow their first black member until 1990. In 2002, Martha Burk made a pretty big stink, protesting the tourney for their lack of female membership. The overwhelming maleness of this club became an issue once again this year when the CEO of IBM, Virginia Rommety, attended the actual tournament. Not only is IBM one of Augusta’s biggest sponsors, its last four CEOs, all males obviously, were extended invitations to join. Not yet for Rommety.

Look, it’s okay to have a club. It’s even okay to discriminate in certain instances. We had a Dungeons and Dragons club back in the eighth grade. We wouldn’t allow anyone in who didn’t know how to play the game. But we didn’t do so based on the color of their skin or the fact that they had breasts. Even in the eighth grade, we knew better.

Except for the Masters Tournament (and honestly, that could be held at any golf course in the world), Augusta National is totally irrelevant in the world of sports. I wouldn’t want to belong to an organization that had a member named Hootie.

So Darla Moore and Condoleeza Rice are supposed to impress upon us that Augusta has changed ? Hell , when Nicklaus and Palmer were at the height of their fame and then during the civil rights’ era , when and where they to be heard ? Answer ….nowhere ! This is simply a token gesture and not much else . I doubt if anyone knows who Lee Elder, just happens to be !

Now if only the Hells Angels would bow down to social pressure and allow women, and blacks, to carry their patch all would be just in the world. I’m boycotting meth and strip clubs until they change their backward ways!

They had to put an end to the nags hanging around at the front gate… Or was it the member’s wives crucifying them during the month of April each and every year. Maybe a little of both. Naw… You’re right, it’s about time.

Condi , the linguist ( speaks 4 languages) , Condi the educator (teaches at Stanford) , Condi , former Sec’y of State , fact . And now Condi , the golfer and member of Augusta National . Which of these has more credibility to it ? What the f#ck ! This is some real bull#hit !

A month ago it looked as if the Rays were out of the running for the AL East title . Now quite possibly by Sunday at the latest they (Rays) could’ve passed the Yankees for the divisional lead . How crazy is that ? It was disappointing to know that there were barely over 10,500 in attendance at the Trop to see the team win again , when they beat the A’s 5-0 .

Oh , by the way , Urban Meyer says he loves his wife and he likes to ###k her as well . LOL,LOL,LOL !!!

So the USADA say they’ll strip Lance Armstrong of his 7 Tour de France titles . The now retired cyclist for so long protested and reiterated his innocence , saying that he would fight his being vilified . Now he says he no longer wishes to do so , saying that he’s proved his point . Tell me the last time you heard of someone vehemently protesting their innocence and then just giving up , merely because his antagonist filed the legal suit to start the action ? Armstrong is so full of himself and he used his fame to dupe so many people for multiple social causes . How messed up is that ?

If Colon’s HDL was so high why take testosterone ? LOL ! Ryan Braun will now proffer up advice to both Melky Cabrera and Bartolo Colon . Braun’s stats this season are now better than those of 2011 at the same point in time . He (Braun) should not have been awarded the NL MVP at the time when the MLB hierarchy were already aware of the findings concerning his test samples . And we’re to believe baseball has their ##it in order ? Who the ##ck is Selig trying to persuade here ? Not me that’s for sure !

All these pious ###s talking as if baseball still has some redeeming principle to it . When have you ever heard players such as Pujols , Jeter , Torii Hunter , Teixiera , Cliff Lee or any other high profiled Major League star speak out vehemently in opposition as to the prolific use of steroids within the game ? When you can some up with at least a dozen then we can perhaps start a real debate on the issue , rather than this bull##it !

The sport is a joke and will remain so until an ##s-wipe such as Selig remains in office . Because in reality he has simply not done enough to clean up the sport .

I preface that by saying this . When baseball was kicked out of the Olympics . What was the reason given by the IOC ? MLB came up with the BS stating it was because of the lack of popularity and lack of competition. Yet somehow the game’s international governing body IFAB opposed Selig’s stance when he refused acquiesce to the IOC’s demands for a more stringent testing policy within baseball . So anyone talking about the game’s hierarchy being truly proactive in wanting to clean up the sport ought think about that . Hence the real reason for both baseball and softball being kicked out of the Summer Games .

Remind me to properly congratulate the beverage cart girl on her gender’s success next time we hit the links. Maybe we’ll get a free cocktail out of the deal. More than likely, however, she’ll just consider us creepy old men.

I feel in the case of Armstrong all along he’s plead his innocence and now he just wimps out by saying he won’t get a fair trial . This being the very same guy who speaks out of both sides of his mouth concerning cleaning up the sport .

Armstrong has courted this all seeking empathy and like his fellow Texan Roger Clemens . It’s easy to see how the lies and everything else has panned out . His former teammates Floyd Landis and Tyler Hamilton stated Armstrong has been lying all along .

Hamilton (also an admitted PED abuser) , having been subpoenaed (FBI) swore under oath that the statements he made were based in fact . In doing so he lost his own gold medal won at a prior Olympics . Lance Armstrong now lacks so much credibility that he is now a walking joke .

It’s not a conspiracy theory concerning baseball and the IOC . Selig didn’t acquiesce with regard to the more stringent demands made by the IOC concerning testing . The game’s governing body (IFAB) had agreed in principle to the demands thinking that Selig would toe the line . Instead he cowered like the bitch that he is , because of the Players’ Union who were dead set against the IOC’s edict. Donald Fehr , then , MLBPA Executive Director , said as much at the time , prior to baseball and softball being kicked off the roster of the events at the Summer Olympics .

And now the sport as an international team competition is left with the lame a$# the World Baseball Classic . And that’s an event that is about as exciting as a proposed upcoming sex tape featuring Roseanne Barr and her present partner .

Meanwhile his (Armstrong) foundation has taken in a half billion dollars ($500 million) cancer research donations . Now you tell me from a PR standpoint how the situation looks for Lance Armstrong ? Nike may well still be backing him to the hilt . But who thinks highly enough of that corporation to feel that they’re not ethically and morally challenged to begin with ? You only have to see the work conditions that they have at plants they either own or are affiliated with concerning the manufacturing of their apparel line . Now they’re backtracking on the price of the LBJ sneakers saying that the original price of $ 315-00 was not their original figure. Who the hell are Nike trying to dupe , other than the consumer ?

Bucs Patriots tonight ! Which persona of the Bucs will turn up and how good will the secondary be ?

The Augusta issue is a testy subject and personally I’ve never had a definitive position their admittance of women as member. They are a private club which gives them recent rights, but being the host of one of golf’s majors Augusta should stand for something greater than exclusion in a sport that is inclusionary (not a word but so what). For the record though they do allow women to play the course.