Making it through

I'm currently 22 and pregnant with my first child. I'm happy despite my horrible finicial situation because I know I can give life after years of feeling like taking my own. Around the age of 8 I was sexually assaulted by an older school mate. Being so young I wasn't truly aware of what was taken from me, I just knew I was in pain and didn't like what happened. I told no one, I felt dirty and at fault. The boy however told everyone. For 8 years I was called horrible names and bullied relentlessly because I was looked at as a slut or whore. Teachers did nothing, my friends were few, and I was ashamed to speak up and tell what truly happened out of fear that no one would believe me let alone help me. I tried to kill my self 3 different times and took to cutting myself to numb the pain I felt. Once that stopped working I became a teenage drunk, often showing up to classes either drunk or drinking. Teachers did nothing, parents didn't notice. I felt worthless, helpless, and wasted, I moved to a new school but brought those old demons with me. I told my new friends what had happened to me and they too didn't believe me. They thought it was a ploy to make new friends. It wasn't until I was 17 that I had my first true boyfriend. I spoke with him openly and honestly about my past and the feelings I still carried with me and for the first time in my life someone believed me. I had someone to cry for me and the pain I endured, to not see me as broken or damaged. I owe my happiness to him as he has taught me how to survive through the pain not just live through it. I hope everyone that goes through internal struggles that come from being bullied, being tormented, being neglected, or ignored, learns to survive through it. That pain is real, you are real, don't think of yourself as anything but precious.

By writing some words below, you are showing your support and letting everyone know they're not alone.