Marco Rubio Is Unfazed by the Green Slime Creeping Towards His House

Being our semi-regular weekly survey of what's goin' down in the several states where, as we know, the real work of governmentin' gets done, and where me and my gal and my gal's son, we got met with a tear-gas bomb.

We begin our tour this week in Florida, where the green revolution is coming to the state's waterways in lovely billows of noxious slime. Give us the skinny, USA Today.

Scott's executive order in Martin and St. Lucie counties called on state agencies to take actions to address the thick toxic blooms that are ruining the river's ecology, devastating water-related businesses and that could potentially cause health problems for those in contact with the water. The smelly, disgusting blue-green algae blooms plaguing the St. Lucie River and Indian River Lagoon are the result of discharges flowing out of Lake Okeechobee in southeast Florida. Since the discharges started Jan. 30, about 150 billion gallons of the lake's water has been sent to the river, dumping nutrients and lowering the salinity of the naturally brackish water. Both spur the growth of blue-green algae. Massive algae blooms have been growing in the lake since May 12, and the green slime can be seen moving from the lake and into the river.

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Speaking of lovely billows of noxious slime, Senator Marco Rubio is quite concerned but, as ThinkProgress points out, he is quite baffled at how such a thing could have happened.

"It's a complex and painful thing to talk about and it's a very difficult thing to deal with because it doesn't have one singular cause and it doesn't have one singular project that solves it all," Rubio said in a statement, urging the lake's managers to stop releasing water into the estuaries just north of West Palm Beach.

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Wait. You there, in back of the soggy hummock, can you help the senator out here?

"His record in Florida is tirelessly working on behalf of Big Sugar to lower water quality standards," Farago wrote this week. "In 2003, Rubio was a whip for Gov. Jeb Bush on a bill lowering Everglades water quality standards crowd-swarmed by sugar lobbyists. That new law was successfully challenged by Friends of the Everglades and the Miccosukee Tribe in federal court but caused a decade delay in water quality improvements, setting up today's disaster."

Sugar isn't the only problem. The beef industry also pollutes the water, as does urban runoff, but many experts say that the sugar industry is the biggest contributor. Confusingly, Rubio seems to think that multiple contributors mean responsibility is too diffuse for action.

"If I believe[d] that the sugar industry was the only contributor to this then we would do everything possible to address that immediately, but there are multiple contributors to this and it's not just agriculture," Rubio said. There is a clear parallel here with Rubio's approach to climate change.

Oh? Do continue.

Rubio has gone on record saying that addressing climate change, which he does not believe is caused by human activity, would destroy the U.S. economy. He has also said that it is fruitless for the United States to act, because it is not the only country contributing to climate change. "Every time someone comes to see me and asks me to support one of these [climate change mitigation] policies, I always ask them, 'Can you tell me how many inches of sea rise it will prevent?' They say it won't, but it will set an example for the rest of the world," Rubio said in March. "Then when you ask economists, it's clear that the cost of these policies will fall on American businesses." But as Karl Haven, director of the Florida Sea Grant College Program dryly put it: Climate change is expected to result in increased temperatures of nearshore ocean water, and this could lead to increased growth of harmful microorganisms. These include algae that form noxious or toxic blooms, including red tides, and bacteria and other pathogens. This situation could have negative consequences in regard to human health and also Florida's ocean-related economy.

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There are important politicians in this country who will not move on this issue until the green slime eats their dog or something.

As long as bad water is on the menu, let's all dash on up to Michigan, where the state's attorney general has thrown Governor Rick Snyder (R-Corrosion) overboard on the matter of the jiggery-pokery that Snyder engaged in regarding the state's public school teacher retirement funds.

Schuette says it will be up to Governor Rick Snyder to hire his own attorney if the administration pursues an appeal of a court decision. It says the state owes roughly $550 million dollars to teachers for illegally withholding 3% of their paychecks to fund retirement health benefits. Schuette's spokeswoman, Andrea Bitely, says the attorney general doesn't think the state can win the case. "In this case, we've not only reviewed the ruling, but we've also spoken with many teachers and heard from many teachers across Michigan, and it just didn't make sense to continue the appeals process through our office at this point," Bitely said.

Aw, damn, and now we have to go back to Florida, because that state's attorney general, Pam Bondi, is all tangled up with Trump University (Motto: Caveat Suckerii) and can't seem to get free. It seems that a Trump-connected foundation gave some money to Bondi's campaign and then, glorioski, Bondi decided that there was no reason to look further into a Trump-connected scam.

So now, some good-government types have decided to explain in court why they don't believe in coincidence.

"The facts remain murky, but if decisions not to investigate Mr. Trump's businesses were linked to Attorney General Bondi's solicitation and acceptance of a $25,000 campaign contribution from the Trump Foundation, she may have violated Florida law and the state's standards of conduct for public officials," CREW Executive Director Noah Bookbinder said in a statement.

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We move on up to Georgia, where some natives are proving that Florida Man may be spreading into something of a regional pandemic. You see, this kind of story is the reason you should read the Clayton News-Dailyevery blessed day. Also, for the N-D's staff's gift for understated humor.

The group, led by Carl Swensson of the Clayton County Citizen's Oversight Committee, declared that District Attorney Tracy Graham-Lawson and commissioners Michael Edmondson, Gail Hambrick and Shana Rooks were under arrest for various perceived violations. Swensson demanded police officers forcibly take the four from the meeting, a request that was not granted.

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Curses! Foiled again!

After the group left the commission chambers, they were informed by Clayton County Police Chief Michael Register that the arrests would not be made. Register also said the group would be arrested if they attempted to re-enter the commission chambers and would be charged with assault if they attempted to perform the arrests themselves. Graham-Lawson, Edmonson, Hambrick and Rooks left the chambers with police escorts, while the group that attempted the citizen's arrests left the area on their own volition.

But not before putting on one amazing damn show.

Paul Nally, a resident of Bartow County, started the proceedings. "Rather than a speech, this will be a demonstration," Nally said after being called to speak by the commission during the public comments portion of the meeting. Nally then attempted to arrest Graham-Lawson under charges he did not detail at the meeting. "This is what happens when public officials ignore the rights, privileges and immunities of citizens," Nally said. He was followed by Swensson, who attempted to perform a citizen's arrest on Edmondson, Hambrick and Rooks. "I'm here to invoke my absolute and guaranteed rights to also effect a citizen's arrest," Swensson said. "It is also incumbent on the peace officers to now take them into custody. This meeting should officially be over because you guys have been in violation on the fact you still hold state money." Swensson alleged the three were in violation of their oath of office by taking state money and demanded that members of the Clayton County Police Department apprehend the three commissioners. "I command peace officers here, right now, and take possession," Swensson said. "If you do not, then you are in violation of your oath and violation of all that is sacred to everybody here in this county. Please do not hesitate, please do your job, please take custody right now. We need resolution. We're not getting it at the national level and we only have the local level to deal with." No action was taken by police, and the attempts at a citizen's arrest were later mocked by members of the commission, such as Edmondson, when the commission considered a pay scale change to several officials in Graham-Lawson's office. "Is this still necessary now that she's been arrested?" Edmondson said after making a motion for approval for the scale change. "Can I make that motion since I was also arrested?

I'm sorry I can't resist.

They will laugh at my mighty sword/Why do they laugh at my mighty sword?

And we conclude, as is our custom, in the great state of Oklahoma, where Blog Official Shrike Whisperer Friedman of the Plains brings us a tale of pedagogical excellence from the people who brought you…well, nothing good, that's for sure. Somebody cue up News8 in Tulsa.

Rob Loeber with Jenks Public Schools said he doesn't think the district will allow its employees to carry guns because of its on-campus police presence. Loeber said he does believe keeping the names confidential is great for other districts allowing their staffs to carry. "You don't want the bad guys out there to know who the good guys are and who are the ones carrying weapons, so I can see for the smaller districts how this would have some benefit," he said. Local parent Debra Wimpee agrees. "A person that is coming after the schools could look for that and see some people are going to have guns in there, and I'll go take them out first," she said. "So I think it's great that their names will be kept confidential."

It is now apparently a parent's duty to strategize fire control procedures for the weekly gym class.