From the inside, out.

It must be something in the air… maybe an internal clock that strikes the cuckoo at this time or something.

I’ve been spending the last few weeks feeling physically worse and worse. Sleep has been getting more challenging, weight creeping up, sluggish feeling. Needing to force myself through every workout and run; still doing it all but doing with a feeling like I’m piggybacking an elephant during it. Looking in the mirror and seeing bags under my eyes, looking like I’ve aged 5 years in a couple of months.

I know from past experiences that when I slip on my eating and taking care to drink water and nourish myself that I feel “sick”. Run down, unwell, toxic almost. Like what I imagine a car would feel like if you’re giving it dirty fuel. I can keep going but I feel far less than optimal doing it. So, I tell myself a couple of weeks ago, time to clean up the intake and get everything running smoothly again. I’m so tired of feeling like I’m less than great. When my food is regularly ingested and of good quality, I know what a difference it makes to me. Some people can exist on junk food and highly processed anything and everything and still be optimal; I can’t. It takes its toll on me in a nasty way. The physical is tied so closely to the mental and emotional in me and it all is swirling along at “less than” right now.

This is a cyclical thing for me. Being a person who struggles daily with eating disorder hangover and body image dysmorphia I feel the spin of this all the time. I know that my biggest issue to deal with is putting food in my body. My default is to not eat. So imagine my surprise when I got to my spreadsheets (oh, how I love thee, let me count the ways!) to get some inspiration as I get back on track and I see the dates on my previous tracking. 2013 and 2014 both have dates that start mid March. Must be spring cleaning for the mind and body time!

So another reset begins. A cleanse of sorts to get me back on track. I do not hold to the idea of juice or liquid fasts or other extreme restrictions of diet but rather a simplification and awareness. For me, that equates to actually increasing my food intake to a “normal” level. Along with that for the next three weeks is no alcohol, lots of water (again, I know where I falter and water is a big one for me), fruits, veggies, lean protein, unprocessed foods (ie: either I make it from scratch or it comes from a provider that makes it like it comes from a home kitchen… with ingredients that are recognizable… there are tons of bakeries and deli’s and cafes that provide wholesome foods from real ingredients nowadays). Simple really. Our bodies were designed to move food through and take what we need to be healthy. It’s time for me to start giving to my body and not withholding. Time to start feeling good again.