How to Ease Breakup Pains

By: Tamara Runzel

Breakups are a painful reality of life. Whether your relationship was short or long term, you'll likely still experience some degree of pain as you deal with the aftermath of the separation. Accept your emotions, focus on you, move toward closure, find support and make a new routine to ease breakup pains.

Accept Your Emotions

You go through a range of emotions after a breakup, including denial, grief, anger, guilt, jealousy and even relief from negative feelings you might have experienced in the relationship. You’ll have good days and bad days. It’s important not to suppress your emotions, as it will only make the grieving process longer according to the article “Coping with a Breakup or Divorce,” by family counselor Jeanne Segal et. al on helpguide.org. Eventually you should begin to move on but if you don’t, it’s important to seek professional help as you might be suffering from depression.

Focus on You

Take a look inward and determine your emotional needs which helps you ease and work through your grief, writes psychotherapist Carolyn Tucker on the Harvard Law School website. This might mean you need to go out and be social or instead you might need time for yourself. Perhaps starting a new project or helping someone else with theirs is what you need. Whatever it is, make sure you are the one to decide.

Move Toward Closure

After the breakup, it’s important to cut all ties with your former partner in order to move toward finding closure, points out relationship therapist Hilary Silver in the article "5 Steps to Getting Over a Breakup," on goodtherapy.org. Don’t see or speak to him, text, visit places he frequents or look at his online profile. Get rid of anything that makes you feel connected, such as love letters or pictures. If you don’t feel comfortable tossing the mementos, box them up and put them somewhere out of sight.

Find Support

Social support is essential to dealing with emotions after a breakup. Talk to family and friends about your feelings. Be careful to choose people who are positive and will listen to and encourage you; you don’t need anyone to judge or criticize how you feel, or place blame with you for the breakup. If you’re not comfortable talking to family and friends, seek out a counselor or support group. If you’ve lost your social network because of the breakup, it’s important to find new friends. Community activities, volunteering, places of worship, classes and special interest clubs are all places you might find new friends.

Make a Routine

A breakup can disrupt many areas of your life, which contributes to stress and uncertainty. Setting a routine can help provide a sense of control and normalcy as well as lessen your distress. When you start your new routine, direct your mental energy toward a project or task that can boost your feelings of control and competence recommends the Counseling Center at Villanova University.

About the Author

Tamara Runzel has been writing parenting, family and relationship articles since 2008. Runzel started in television news, followed by education before deciding to be a stay at home mom. She is now a mom of three and home schools her two oldest children. Runzel holds a Bachelor of Arts in communication from University of the Pacific.