Monday, October 22, 2007

hypocrite-I-am

I do not like being teased, and while I wish I could blame this on the fact that all teasing carries some element of truth - it's more that I don't like anyone but myself to have a say in how silly/immature/lazy etc. etc. that I can be. For what is teasing if not to allude to, albeit in jest, some sort of shortcoming in the person being chided? Fundamentally, I don't think this is bad. None of us are perfect and the joy of any true relationship or friendship is the knowledge that someone has accepted you, flaws and all. For some reason, and as I write this I think it is the major desire I have to ignore my flaws all together, I have not been able to tolerate teasing lately. Not from one of my best friends, or a close family member, or my boyfriend - whose standard response when I say that I'm tired is something along the lines of, "again? Shocking." It is his teasing that gets me the most riled up these days, and he happens to be one of those people who revels in a good tease. He likes to see my feathers ruffled - to see me get antsy and defensive as I try to weasel my way out of what is very often a very true observation he has however circuitously made. For the most part, this makes me look at him as a mother might look at her child when he is being silly, but cute. Re-read that analogy and it spells T-R-O-U-B-L-E for a relationship. I can't for the life of me figure out why in the flirtation stage of a relationship (pre-relationship, if you will) teasing can be such a turn on - so fun! What changes when you're in a relationship and you can't laugh it off - you're left with the fact that this person is joking about who you really are (or at least how you act?). Thoughts, anyone?

8 Comments:

Lots of thoughts, most are hardly congruent. I think I've got to do the personal-analogy thing that commentators do so well.

Teasing for me is multi-pronged... and it's more about me that the person I tease.

I'm the older sibling, and I feel more comfortable teasing than being teased. I want a response. I feel awkward about confrontation, or at least about expressing my feelings or personal observations forthright. Teasing also safely (usually) flushes another's experience of my company to another level. Also, to reiterate the observation bit, I can tell the teasee something about myself without being overly adroit. Also, it helps me steal back my subjectivity which tends to leak away if I am too long in the company of someone I respect. I generally have no problem with the person I tease other than my own presence and what they think about me.

tony teases me mercilessly. In fact I can't think of the last time a full day has gone by when I haven't been teased about something. Yeserday I got teased because I told him I didn't want to drink beer because of calories while adding butter to a saute pan. Ok, that was funny, but it was only a very little bit of butter and it pissed me off.

Anyway, the point I am trying to make is that I think teasing is part of any good relationship but that people need to know when to stop. There is a difference between teasing and mercilessly picking apart at someones insecurities. Some people don't know the difference. I think you always have to tease back. There is nothing worse than a teaser who can't take being teased.

s'mat - that's a very honest response. I am intrigued by the idea that teasing helps maintain your subjectivity - and that for you, teasing is more about how someone sees you, versus how you see them.

Dr. Ken - It's a good thing my man doesn't read my blog, or the two of you would probably never be friends after that comment :)

Maria - I definitely punch - but more often because I can't come up with a witty comeback!

Peter - that really gets to the heart of it. I'm not sure what role teasing has once you really know each other - because then you're teasing based on knowing what irks the other person - and then it stops being fun.

Natalie - good points, and I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets annoyed!