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Messages By: viinabragi

why be so worried?

Why are you guys so worried about a date?
In Sweden (where I come from), we don't make so much fuzz about it.
It's pretty "normal" that a 14 year old (both boys and girls) are having dates, sex and relationships.

Why?
Becouse everyone knows about the risks! When you reach your eight year in compulsory school (?), you have sexeducation. It's obligatory for everyone.
There they talk not only about sex, but how dangerous it can be if you're not protecting yourselve during the sexual intercourse and about every known sexual desease that excist today.
They make it very clear that there is a chance that you might get a disease. Therefore, mostly of the teenagers are carefull, responsible and they talk about it whit their parents (not everyone though).
Viinabragi, a 16 year old swede.

My view of things

Viinabragi- AIDs is currently the number one cause of death for males 16 to 44 years old. I think there really is an argument about whether a fourteen year old is mature enough for an adult relationship. You say most teens in Sweden are careful, but statistically Sweden has a very high rate of STD transmission and their own AIDS problems. I agree that communication is crucial, but you have a long way to go if you think that most parents on this board are ready for their fourteen year olds to start having sex. We provide sex education in this country as well and yet STD's are still an issue. Veneral warts and herpes, STD's with no known cure, afflict about one in five people under the age of 24. Teenagers are impulsive by nature and are risk-takers. They are that way in Sweden as well. Why should we be in such a hurry to have children grow up anyways.

Just a question about this "porn is humiliating womens" thing

I have heard (or rather: been reading) many of you say that it is so humiliating for women with porn and so on, but what about gayporn? Ain't that humiliating for the male population as well? All I ever heard is that it is so humiliating for women, but I have never heard anyone say anything about gayporn.
Of course it isn't as common as "normal" porn, but it is growing bigger month by month, year by year.
I think that porn is a rather unnecessary thing, but I just don't get this "it-is-so-humiliating-for-women" thing. Actually.
I'm sorry that my english are bad, or if I have upset someone with my "new" way of thinking. But I'm just curios about what you think about this.

Just about the same thing in Sweden

In Denmark where I live it is in my opinion unfortunately normal that teens aged 14 or even 13 have sex. We have the record in Europe in drinking among teens and pre-teens. It is normal that a 7 or 8. grade student have been drunk at least one a month, some even every weekend. And it is acceptabel that teens do that here in Denmark. I think that it is a big problem that they do this. It is normal in your country that a person aged 12-14 are drinking alkohol ?. Of course it is not every teen who does that, but a very large number of them do it.

I recognise what you're saying. We have almost the same situation here in Sweden (about the alcohol I mean). A lot of my friends are getting drunk every 3 week or so. And it is quite a problem yes. So I think it is really common for a teenager in Sweden to drink alcohol quite often.

I think it's quite odd

Hello, it's the annoying swede again : P.
When I compare our two countries, I start to realise how different our two cultures are. You guys are talking about what age your son/daughter are mature enough to date someone, but in Sweden (where I live) we never have these kinds of discussions. Sure our parents put their foots down if they see their child (lets say it is a 14yrs old boy/girl) date a 20 year old and are going in "wrong direction", but if he or she dates someone that is 2 years older it doesn't matter really. If someones fell in love, it ain't much you can do about it. I've gotten this feeling that all of you think it's really important that it is you as a parent who alone talk about sex and relationships and no one else. I don't think it is right to stop someone to heve feelings for another person. I don't know, maybe american teenagers are "wilder" than swedish teenagers, or more immature, but I can't see any reason to stop your teenager having dates and (maybe) make a mistake they will learn from. Just because they are dating, it doesn't mean you can't wach over your child and prevent any bigger mistakes. And about teeangers having sex, buy condoms to them. But yet again, our to cultures are different, you want to prevent them from having sex (mostly anyway) while we (sometimes not of course. We too have laws to follow) are more open to sex. I don't say that swedish parents say: "Go out and have sex you guys. Hopefully you get a STD!" but I think that "we" are more open to it and accepts that our 14-15 year olds are having sex. If that's wrong or not, I don't know, but that's how it is (mostly).
Bättre lyss till den sträng som brast, än aldrig spänna en båge (better to listen to the string that broke, than never tighten a bow... Freely tranlated by me :P. Sorry that my translation ability sucks :-/)

Teens and Sex

I honestly believe that alot of people approach the topic Teens and Sex wrong. As a teen I have been sexual active for many years and have never been pregnant and never had an STD. Sex is a very open topic here in New Zealand and although their are alot of teens who have falln pregnant I believe that with the right attitude and openess to your teens, Sex will not be as much of a deal as yous think. Lets face the facts. . . SEX is everywhere around us e.g TV, School, Magazines etc so as much as we try we can never get rid of it, it is never going to disappear for teens so you need to deal with it properly. So from my experience and several other people I know . . .our suggestion is to be open about sex, its not something that is bad it is meant to be enjoyable, fun, passionate etc. Teach your children to be open, let them no that you are there for them not matter what it is they can talk to you and you will not be mad. See alot of teenagers do not talk to their parents about it because they are worried about their parents reaction. Give your teens some space give them some room to breath!!

By this I mean well let your teens have their partner over to get to know them etc Build a honest relationship with your children/teens, Wouldn't you rather them do it at home and be safe or roam the streets and have sex which is the place more likely to fall pregnant and STD's.

GIVE TEENS A CHANCE!! SEX SHOULD BE ENJOYED BY ANYONE!!!

I agree. Just as i NZ, Sweden is a "relaxed" country when it comes to things like this. Many parents are open about sex with their kids, and are totaly fine with the fact that they actually do have sex.
One thing that many parents push on in this indeed very serious question is the use of condoms. My parents said (I was 15) that I could have sex as long as I protected myself (and my girlfriend).

They trusted me, talked to me about this and accepted me as an sexual active person instead of just forbidding me to do it. If they had done that, I probably would have had sex anyway and I just might have skipped to protect myself.

Parents, stop being so paranoid about this. If you tell your kids that thay can have sex as long as they protects themselves and are fully aware of the risks and consequenses they will protect themselfs. Just because you trust them. That is my view on this.

Defenition of "a date"

When you say that you won't allow your daughters/sons to "date" anyone, what do you exactly mean?

It sounds like your children will take their date to a fancy restaurant and all that stuff, while I think they maybe just wants to go to a movie, make out a bit, have a good time basically.

But if I have misunderstood anything, please tell me. I can't see anything wrong with to 14 yrs old wanting to have a nice time. And why even call it a date? It's sounds so much more serious than it may be IRL.