Tag: Love

As we explore the structure that’s Venus in Capricorn, we do so with the understanding that Venus can’t be reduced or limited exclusively to “love” in one’s birth chart. There are far more associations which accompany the planet. However, for the purpose of this particular article, one’s idea of love, as viewed through the Venus in Capricorn lens, will be emphasized.

For individuals with the natal placement of Venus in Capricorn, Love is solid; you can take it to the bank. Love is enduring . Love is order. Love is structure. There are “rules” to love. Love is responsibility. Love is commitment. Love is a test. Love is integrity. Love is discipline. Love is work. Love is maturity, and like fine wine, gets better with time.

Love is the neutralizing of one’s defense mechanisms in order to open up the heart space. In the words of Edwin Louis Cole:

“Boundaries are meant to protect life, not to limit pleasures.”

Two essential developmental questions for those with Venus placed in Capricorn would be: (1) What are my ultimate responsibilities in regard to my intimate relationships and (2) How can I become a model of integrity in my relationships allowing thought, word and deed to masterfully align?

It’s clear that this is a serious situation when the fulfilling of Venus’ relating needs are sought by way of the Saturn-ruled Capricorn environment. However, in this case, serious merely means that it requires immediate and skillful attention.

Contained in this placement, is an overarching strength in understanding the importance of delayed gratification and the awareness that REAL and ORGANIC relationship processes take TIME and WORK. If there’s anyone capable of sustaining long-term relationships, it is you.

In order to successfully navigate this placement, one must be willing to exert the necessary effort towards fostering which will likely be fewer relationships (as compared to many) of quality, substance and depth.

The focus here is not light and unfettered social butterfly-ism (see the elaboration of Robert Greene’s rule 16 in his “48 Laws of Power, which states that “too much circulation makes the price go down.”), but rather the establishment of solid foundations with others that build bridges of trust, honesty and mutual respect.

To facilitate this process, it’s key to understand the all important part that the lowering of one’s defenses and self-revelation plays in its overall effectiveness. For Venus in Capricorn, the thawing of a natural reserve can be difficult for a few reasons.

Concerning the more maladaptive expressions of Venus in Capricorn, Astrologer Jeffrey Wolf Green introduces a possible theory which outlines delayed emotional development and an intense blockage, constriction and compression of one’s feelings, as a result of induced guilt from the parental relationship:

“The Venus in Capricorn person has typically been born into family structures in which the parental reality has been defined by the consensus of the society in which they live. Consequently, the parental reality has typically had a heavy undertone in which the child has been expected to conform to the parental value system. When the child deviated from these expectations to conform, he or she was made to feel guilty in covert or overt ways through the use of judgment. A related dynamic within the general pattern of expectation to conform to parental values is one wherein the parents have projected on the child a rigid code of conduct that the child is expected to adhere to even when the parents themselves do not. The cliché “Do as I say, not as I do applies here.”

What can be gathered from this is that the Venus in Capricorn individual may have witnessed, and or been a part of an environment where vulnerability, open affection and free relating were not top priorities, but rather ” conditional love from a distance” and an authoritarian stance reigned supreme.

When we consider how this may filter into ones intimate relationships at worst, we arrive at an unremarkable need to “manage” one’s image and relationships borne out of an excessive fear of rejection or feeling inadequately “prepared” to participate in relationships. The compensation for this is to view relationships as a “game” where strategic moves, or having a “one up” carry more value than a mutual sharing of intimate feelings and thoughts.

Nevertheless, for those with Venus in Capricorn the universe’s call is for them to participate in the process of “undefended love”, a term coined by Marlena Lyons and Jett Psaris:

“Intimacy-direct, unmediated, heart-to-heart connection with ourselves and with others-can only occur when the heart is undefended. To cut through our personal differences, to reach the unveiled part of ourselves that is deep enough to express the most profound and untamed aspects of our being means learning how to love and be loved without defenses and without obstructions. It means cultivating the capacity to be emotionally present even when we feel exposed or vulnerable; learning to relinquish the many strategies we have employed to feel safe and in control; and finding the courage to love without guarantees or requirements.”

Like anything else, these things take time. So, it wouldn’t be fitting with the Saturn and Capricorn archetype, if one was expected to snap into this mode of being overnight. However, the greater lesson which can be learned through conscious and active participation with this placement is :

When you, the Venus in Capricorn individual, keep your heart open, you’re able to continue an unrestricted conversation with the source which moves you toward loving and constructive actions as well as healthy choices which will nourish you emotionally.

It’s important for you to keep your “feeling portals” open, as well as your mind, and to be consistently receptive to the myriad of life’s experiences.

Developing an inner dialogue with yourself allows you to stay in the “driver’s seat” and define your own experiences and attitudes when it comes to life, love, and relationships.

If you allow unpleasant experiences with one (or more) individual(s) to control the manner in which you live and love moving forward, you’ve essentially “given up the wheel” in favor of living in perpetual fear and doubt.

It’s vital that through your growth you increase your awareness.

And, it’s gravely important for you to avoid using temporarily unfavorable outcomes as a platform for beating up on yourself. A more constructive move would be to combine your newly discovered insights with your inner wisdom and allow the synthesis to reflect in your unique life perspectives moving forward.

Even through your pain and heartbreak you will discover a marvelous teacher. Pain shows us where our limits are, allowing us to say “ouch”.

If nothing led you to this point, how would you know what hurts? Better yet, how would you know when enough is enough?

As horrible as you may have felt (or may be feeling) during trying times, if you wish to fully participate in life and loving in the most authentic sense, sooner or later, you must risk the same painful emotions resurfacing in your life.

You could possibly spend the rest of your days attempting to employ more sophisticated tactics of pain avoidance, projection, self-protection, and the like. However, by all indicators, this is not what you truly desire to do.

With Venus in Capricorn, one of the best case scenarios is that you’ll arrive in a place which demonstrates that neither genuine honesty and vulnerability or healthy human boundaries restrict you from experiencing the love and relationships you crave and deserve.

It is through these boundaries that you maintain and preserve your self-love and respect while simultaneously allowing yourself to reach out and offer the key to your heart, as a sacred gift, to another.

If you have Venus in Capricorn in your birth Chart, your theme song is “Garden (Say it Like Dat)” by SZA. You can listen right here:

It could all be so simple/but you’d rather make it hard/loving you is like a battle/and we both end up with scars/tell me who I have to be/to get some reciprocity/no one loves you more than me/and no one ever will.”

– From Lauryn Hill’s“Ex-Factor”

In relationship Astrology or Synastry, Venus-Uranus contacts symbolize the potential for a magnetic attraction. One of the looming issues which could also be prevalent is the sporadicity and instability which permeates the affections.

One of the central themes between two people that will likely emerge is the focus on one’s ability to love another for who and what they are, and the expectation that equal sentiments will be returned.

Venus suggests the relational principle, while Uranus has an impersonal quality which suggests liberation and freedom. A potential manifestation of these contacts can consist of the electrifying of a relationship that’s based on of a mutual agreement to accept and embrace one another’s eccentricities.

Or, on the flip side, one partner could easily feel that they’ve created a space for the other to develop their uniqueness, but the same consideration isn’t being extended to them. Or, one person’s idea of “liberation” strongly conflicts with the others, or as Lauryn Hill so aptly puts it in “Lost Ones” :

“My emancipation don’t fit your equation.”

What’s being tested in these contacts is one’s limits of acceptance. You love each other, but it’s really difficult to stomach the “on again, “off again” dynamic hoping that you’ll get some reciprocity and things will change.

Maybe this aspect exists to show you that what you want is more traditional than you thought. Or, it could be that you require more latitude than you imagined and you’ve simply been going along with a “normal” relationship because that’s what you thought was expected of you.

While this overview doesn’t provide the answers for you (nor should it), it may prompt a certain set of questions which will further aid you in exploring whatever balance you need to strike between freedom and intimacy in personal relationships.

If you have this aspect in synastry with someone, take a listen to “Ex-Factor” by Lauryn Hill:

In M. Scott Peck’s classic book “The Road Less Traveled”, the author emphasizes some very significant points regarding the definition of genuine love within the context of relationships.

Peck states that a major characteristic in relationships that are truly loving and intimate, is the ability to make the distinction between yourself and the other person.

Although the act of coming together and being a part of each other’s spiritual reality is paramount, the individual identity of the two separate people must always be preserved if the partnership is going to be truly healthy.

Additionally, “the genuine lover always respects and even encourages this separateness and the unique individuality of the beloved. Failure to perceive and respect this separateness is extremely common however, and the cause of much mental illness and unnecessary suffering.”

Many intimate relationships begin with two people becoming mutually captivated with each other’s personalities. They’re both extremely attracted to and excited about what each other represents.

However, the erroneous assumptions and miscalculations creep in when one, or both partners advocate for the union to dissolve or severely minimize their individual identities.

It’s as if the parties involved are now asking the person they said they were madly and deeply attracted to, to relinquish their sense of self in favor of a composite identity represented by “we”.

While it is certainly logical that a shift will naturally occur just because of the nuances of being partnered, the pressing question is if the destiny of the dynamic of couple hood has now exceeded that of individual purpose.

I quote again from Peck:

“In it’s most extreme form, the failure to perceive the separateness of the other is called narcissism. Frankly narcissistic individuals are actually unable to perceive their children, spouses or friends as being separate from themselves on an emotional level.”

Astrologically speaking, these challenges and dilemmas are “at home” in the 1st and 7th houses,which oppose, yet compliment one another.

Simply defined, the 1st house represents “us” and our identities, what we wish to project out into the world both physically and energetically.

The 7th house symbolizes “them” the “other” in our lives: spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, business partners and anyone whom we may deal with on a one to one basis.

Along with other chart factors, these two houses, and the planets contained therein, contribute to the ongoing story of who we’re becoming, who we attract into our lives and the type of dynamics that need to exist in our partnerships.

We need not view the 1st/7th house axis as antagonistic, rather it would be in our best interest to ask more questions about what we see here.

What are my true relationship needs? What is my individual life purpose? How does my sense of self contribute to a collective destiny? Am I able to freely express and assert my identity within a relationship? In what ways is my partner different from me? Do I honor those differences? Does my partner respect my individuality?

The inability to come to terms with separateness in relationships can have a detrimental effect, as it can cause the once lively buoyant partnership to disintegrate into mundane numbness. This phenomena is not only directed toward marriages and the like, but friendships, co-worker relationships and family as well.

It’s vital that we examine OUR life purposes within a relationship as they pertain to US. That we avoid the age old mistake of placing the destinies and life tasks of others, no matter how close we may be to them, inside our own psychological framework.

Let’s remember that even though we may be “partnered” with another person, we both came to this earth with an individual mission to accomplish independent of the union.

Because two individuals unite, in no way does this mean that their personal work is done. It’s imperative that both people participate in experiences outside of the relationship realm in order to foster not only their sense of self, but also the growth of the entire partnership.

Intimate relationships require time, energy and mutual sacrifice. However, let us consider a portion of the time invested as a solid foundation, or a directional queue toward our individual spiritual work on this earth, with this ultimate goal:

To honor our identities by fully participating in the experiences we need to fulfill our individual life purposes, while expending the effort and respecting the contributions needed to help an intimate partnership develop, thrive and ultimately flourish.Reference : “The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth” by M. Scott Peck