The Modern Life of the Single Sister

I used to take great pride in my level of connection. Despite being a full time student, with a Family and a Fulltime Job, not a lot gets past me.

Lately, I have been Wishing I was less connected.

This whole thing where people Indulge their snark and indulge in Criticism of things that people don’t like. ALL DAY LONG.

It has become a form of entertainment to denigrate. So much so people watch people they CLAIM they wouldn’t spit on if they were on fire on TV for the express purpose of criticizing their every move.

Now MANY folks employ snark as their stock and trade. That is how they get down. Online and Off. They are acutely aware that EVERYONE loves a dogpile, so long as they are not the ones on the bottom. That is part of the game, and I make a habit of avoiding the knocking of another folk’s hustle.

The rest of you? The joiners and those who just kinda see a pile form and decide you might wanna jump on? You do know what you’re doing, right?

Before I get all self-reflective and deep, I need to clear something up while the issue is still hot.

Despite the whole Foolery regarding exactly when decades begin and end, the reality is, That come Friday, we will be in a new Decade. Those of you who get off on being right in the face of overwhelming wrongness, good luck getting your indefatigable logic to take hold. In a world with a fascination with big round numbers, Decades and Centuries end in 0. You can hang out with Sisyphus if you like, but that reality is Dug in and here to stay.

When you’re over that, come and join me in the next paragraph.

I remember December 31, 1999 like it was yesterday about three Tuesdays ago.

I was 29, married with a very young son, working hard at 2 jobs, one of which was sort of a dream come true, the other of which supplemented my income nicely, taking care of my family with relative ease. For the first time in my life, I was communicating effectively and regularly with both of my parents. I was still years from completing any type of college education, and I was pretty sure I didn’t care about that. I had hustled my way through the nineties and still gotten on Capitol Hill and was set up fairly well. Between the Y2K scare (BWAHAHAHAH) and the general foolishness inherent in mankind, I was dead set on Leaving my house, plus the weather in the DMV (then still called DC Metro) was sufficiently crappy that I decided to ring in 2000 in my bed, with my family.

It was just that simple.

10 years Later, I wake up in Texas, with a Different wife and a THIRD young son, this time with a complex, although not fatal disease and two sons living with my ex-wife and her husband. My father is gone, my grandmother is gone, my Brother has gone from 2 children to SEVEN and My extended family has spent the decade spreading their collective pretty wings all over the Southern US. I work one job that I hate doing something I love and was born to do and FINALLY, two decades later, I am within sight of a Degree in an exciting new field. I am as close to 40 now as I was to 30 then, and my body reminds me regularly just how many more miles you pile up in this decade.

But, still, My life is pretty simple.

In 1999, the internet was threatening to take over the world 56K at a time, Television had brought the entire world together, America had emerged from a decade of unquestioned World Dominance with a president whose swagger was as unquestionable as his fidelity was, and Black Folks were still getting their cha cha slide one (2 Steps forward, 2 steps back…but in such a rhythmic fashion)

It’s 2009, now The internet HAS taken over the world at speeds thought laughable 10 years ago, America almost succeded in Pulling the entire world into financial ruin, so much so that it turned over the presidency to a Black man known only to his family in 1999 with a name that rhymes with one of the villains of the decade as opposed to a long time war-hero. In Spite of such major strides, Black folks are still cha-cha ing their way into the future.

The more things Change, the more they stay the same.

The easy thing to do is to Look backwards and talk about the ups and downs of the past 10 years.

The easier thing to do is to look forward and make predictions of what will and won’t happen in the next 10.

The important thing to do is take the rest of this weekend and give an accurate inventory of Who you were, who you are and what you are about going into 2010.

Not that surface BS that makes for a good e-harmony ad. Pop the hood and REALLY go over yourself, getting over yourself while you are at it. Identify your strengths and weaknesses….specifically. Get yourself a game plan together on where you need to be in June….in December…in 2015…in 2019.

If you don’t do that, your plans for big things in 2010 are about as potent as a Tiger Woods speech on how to keep things hot in the marital bed.

It is a brand new world, compared to 1999. You can do a great deal in 10 years. But If you don’t put in a good bit of work this weekend, You’ll be talking big and living small in 2019 just as sure as you swear you won’t.

Oh, Did I meantion that I was THINKING about writing in 1999, but really didn’t have any plans to do anything about it?

If I had done then, what I am about to do now…I would be getting paid to tell you what I just told you.

In a society built to be a meritocracy specifically to avoid the unfairness of Monarchies and Feudalism, it was inevitable that mere merit would be able to determine the strata.

As America ascended to dominance, one thing became increasingly apparent. America Has found its Aristocracy.

Celebrity is America’s Aristocracy, it has been Since our founding.

With every evolution of the media, from Thomas Paine and Common Sense through You Tube and Twitter, the Media has twisted and contorted itself in order to subsist off of an insatiable need for individuals to wallow in fame.

Celebrities ARE people too, they live, they die, they go to the store, they make lifestyle choices, but those choices are too often magnified for our own entertainment. At our urging, we encourage the media to build these individuals up to mythical proportions only to take the wrecking ball to them just as soon as is advantageous.

And we try to act like we don’t care, but we do.

Are there more important things? Who defines what’s important? You do. So maybe there aren’t

Remember, nature abhors a vacuum. If you stopped paying attention then the vacuum that was created would be filled by something. What y’all call real news, no doubt.

As you might suspect, Today is not my day. But here I am, nonetheless. I have been instructed to “post something fun”, and this was the first thing I thought about.

Sesame Street is rapidly approaching its fortieth, birthday. As an only child(at the time) to a single mother, Sesame street was an invaluable tool to enhance the learning that was taking place in the home.

As the quantty of Television for children has exploded with the advent of cable, the relative quality has been damaged irreparably. Children’s television now has become an incubator for baby consumers.

While Sesame Street is not immune from these pressures (bear in mind, that the proceeds from CTW’s merchandise go to the company which doesnt sell advertising) it has long been a welcome reprieve from the constant hustle that passes for Kids’ TV.

Oh, my bad, this was supposed to be fun.

I would like to take this Friday and open the floor up to those of you who might like to share your Sesame Street memories, because I KNOW you have some.

I don’t think I want children. Ever. However this past weekend, I found myself looking at all of the infants being pushed around in strollers, being carried kangaroo style by loving mommies and daddies, and I seen the absolutely cutest pint-sixed Halloween costumes. Then I thought to myself:

“Aweeee, how cute, could I do that?”….

I know after the newness wears off, I’d be faced with piles of dirty diapers, feedings, 3am screaming at the top of the lung wake-up calls, and no ME time and let me be honest, I LOVE my me time.

When I meet guys, especially new guys, they are floored at the fact that I’m pushing 30, and do not have not one midget diva running around. Then I politely say or rather yell. “Hell no, not me….uhhhh un, nope, nadda”. Some guys find it funny, others make promises that “I will carry their seedlings” (and I make mental note to self, do not return his call), an ex said it was a deal breaker and someone that I’ve been dating on & off for the last, insert number of years here, has made a few statements in passing about me being a good mother. Which, over time, I’m sure I could be a good one, but I think I make a better “Auntie”, cause I can sugar them up and send them home. I have yet to discover a rent-a-baby.

I know there are some people who really, really want kids, and give me the side-eye, once the topic comes up and I rebuke it. I’m not a monster. In fact, it’s best that I don’t have any children and I wish the “bad” parents would have analyzed it the way I did before they got knocked up or done the knocking up.

Other Reasons Why Tots Are Not For Me:

I love sleeping in

I love vacationing, preferably at places that have age restrictions. I don’t want to be around your children while I’m on vacation

I love shopping and not having to worry about if the little rug-rat has to potty, breastfeed, be escorted to the potty…you get the point

I like having the option of just going. If I want to pack my bags & move, or take a last-minute trip somewhere I can do that

I can’t see myself having kids with any guys I currently know or have known in the past

Money. Enough said

I think pregnant women are adorable, however, giving up all things I love for 9 months is not sexy

So what do you say family? Do you see children in your future, why or why not?

Every since maybe February or March my job has been in major trip mode! My current COO feels the need to pick and choose a new person to annihilate each month, and honestly it’s not that many of us around here, but she has it to a point where the morale is low and no one wants to be here. Recently, someone told my manager (who also acts as the HR Manager) that everyone pretty much has one foot in and one foot out. Imagine my surprise to hear that this comment was made and the person was immediately targeted.

I pretty much got it my “f you, pay me mode” when I became a target. I don’t know what put me on Schindler’s list, but I know for 3 weeks straight I was threatened with being let go by my Manager and Director at the time. The irony of the situation was that they were also on Schindler’s List and were actually demoted. So after there demotion I was taken off the list and now I am back to playing the Corporate America ball game- Arrive, Smile, Work, Don’t draw too much attention, and Leave. The stress of this (and the last two days of being cooped up in a conference room with my co-workers) all has really made me start thinking about the quote, “What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?” My answer is I would open up my open boutique that would specialize in carry items by independent regional designers. Everything would be inexpensive and one of a kind (in a good way). To help foster this dream I have started looking into different jewelry, sewing, and design classes around the city. Last night I contacted someone from Craigslist who offers private sewing lessons and am hoping to start with her this weekend!! With all that is going on at my job I feel like even if they let me go today I would still be okay and that God will provide me with my every want, need, and desire, as well as, a bigger & better opportunity!!

So my question to you is: What would you attempt to do if you knew you couldn’t fail?