Marissa Mayer: Your thoughts on the 'having it all' debate

By Mairi Mackay and Eoghan Macguire, CNN

updated 5:22 AM EDT, Fri July 20, 2012

Veronica Lon Pantaleon Mendoza, 37, says hearing about Marissa Mayer's new role as Yahoo CEO (and mother to be) inspired her to send in some advice to other working mothers. Mother to a 14-year-old son and five-year-old daughter while working as an online English teacher, she advises other mothers to: "adapt, compromise and communicate."

Shadra Smith of Fort Wayne, Indiana, says if she had a choice, she'd absolutely be a stay-at-home mother, but doesn't believe it's for everyone. "I've already accomplished some career goals, and being a mother is the career I would love to concentrate on now," she says. "The most challenging thing about being a working mom is not being able to experience the day-to-day growth of my son."

Filipino mum, Niena Sevilla moved to Saudi Arabia to work in 2006, leaving two young boys aged 14 and 10 at home with her mother. She returns once a year where she spends as much time as she can with her kids, catching up on all she's missed. "I've been able to balance my career with motherhood so far, despite how difficult it is to communicate with my children," she says.

Cynthia Falar says the most challenging thing about being a working mother is juggling quality time. "Everyone is different and can select the path that works for them and their family," she says. "Although my husband and I have successful careers, we both need to work to make ends meet so we work to coordinate our schedules and even plan our own 'Mommy and Daddy time.' It takes a lot of work but you can do it!"

Children's book illustrator and designer Sarah Jane says she has had to sacrifice a lot because she works, and questions if that might ever leave her with regrets. "The pressure to 'do it all' and keep up can often feel daunting, and I sometimes wonder if I'd be a better mother without working," she says. "But, I honestly feel that part of being a woman is living with this way of thinking," she adds.

iReporter JenCompton found it difficult to readjust to work after the birth of her son, Jack. "It's hard to balance everything and, unless you've been through it, how will you understand what it's like? In some areas many mothers stay home after they have babies but ... I like to work as I went to college and it makes me feel more fulfilled as a person."

Lori Kretchmer of Westminster, California, says you shouldn't try to work and raise a kid unless your working hours don't take away from your child. "They won't remember with fondness your job as much as they'll remember the silly, fun things, like making cookies together or playdough bowling," she says.

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Veronica Mendoza, Philippines

Shadra Smith, Indiana

Niena Sevilla, Saudi Arabia

Cynthia Falar, Florida

Sarah Jane, Utah

Jennifer Compton, Michigan

Lori Kretchmer, California

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STORY HIGHLIGHTS

News that Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer is pregnant re-ignited work and motherhood debate

You have shared your experiences in CNN stories, on Facebook, Twitter and iReport

Here's a snapshot of your thoughts on "having it all"

(CNN) -- Veronica Lon Pantaleon Mendoza said it was her son's pleas that finally led her to quit work.

The 37-year-old from San Juan City in the Philippines went back to work three months after her son, now 14, was born and worked as a marketing executive for more than five years.

"My office was in another city," she writes on iReport. "I'd need to beat the traffic; leave home very early while my son was still sleeping; travel home during rush hour and arrive home late at night when he (was still asleep)."

"A nanny took care of him. We had a maid. I would describe myself then as more of a career woman than a mom."

But, eventually, she remembers, her son started asking why he didn't see his mom very often.

"That's all it took," she said. "I resigned from work and started to spend more time with him."

Mendoza has now started a second career. When she became pregnant again, she decided to work from home as an online English teacher. "I planned, acted on it and learned how to make it work," she said. Adapt, compromise and communicate is her advice to other mothers.

"Using Marissa Mayer is not a good comparison to regular working moms," wrote Hamsamich. "With her millions, she can have a nursery built next to her office, and (have it) staffed with a full-time nanny."

But many of you chimed in, saying that no matter what a woman's wealth or success "having it all" is a myth.

"It is impossible to have it all," writes James330i. "The ideal parent is at home watching the baby grow up. The ideal CEO spends the majority of time watching the company grow.

"To have it all would mean finding a job requiring 4hrs a day of work and the rest being a parent."

Rmercat agrees: "You cannot be something for everyone, and be there all the time. Something at some point will have to give.

"This isn't necessarily a bad thing -- but people need to stop fooling themselves when they believe you can be in a board meeting and at the preschool play at the same time."

Pghgirl thinks that high-achieving women put pressure on others: "(It's) a shame that women and men who want to stay home with their children have to feel pressured by society to be superwoman like this chick."

Spoddney thinks that the solution to the issue lies in legislation: "When will the U.S. get with the program (I'm Professor of Medicine in Australia but worked ... in Boston for 3 years) ... Australia is much more working mum friendly and flexible than the U.S."

On Twitter, a debate sprang up on Twitter around the hashtag #havingitall.

Krista Laursen noted that the "Debate about #havingitall needs to recognize each woman has a different definition of all. Trick is to want and appreciate what you have."

"

Bottom line: We shd cheer 4 all women who make it to the top. But that's not enough 4 real equality. Need better choices.

While Jess Pelaez came back with a challenge: There's no such thing as #havingitall, regardless of gender. Remember, anything worth doing is difficult. What's stopping you?"

U.S. academic and former State Department director of policy planning -- the first woman in the job -- who recently wrote a piece for The Atlantic on the subject described women who make it into top jobs as "genuine superwomen" and points out that many of them don't have families.

She tweeted this Tuesday: "Bottom line: We shd cheer 4 all women who make it to the top. But that's not enough 4 real equality. Need better choices. #havingitall"

This debate isn't going away. Share your experiences in the comments below or upload in iReport.