Thursday, March 1, 2012

Momma Idiot turns 65

My mom turned 65 today. I suppose that calls for some kind of celebrating. This post should probably consist of examples of the amazingness that is Jean Bowler, list out all her wonderful qualities, and talk about how she is the greatest mother to ever walk the face of the Earth.

But the fact of the matter is that moms most signficant accomplishment is not her 65 years of being an above average human being. Without question her biggest contribution to planet Earth happened 30 years ago when she gave birth to her youngest child. A boy with an unequaled level of genius, athleticism and handsomeness that this world has never seen, and will probably never see again.

McBone List of Boycotted Substances

The Legend of Stabbone and McGraw

In 1967 the world's most powerful criminal super-genius, Stabbone, stole ten trillion dollars worth of gold boullion. Police, baffled as to the whereabouts of Stabbone's purported impenetrable underground lair, called on top investigator Rock McGraw to crack the case. Working tirelessly day after day, McGraw eventually tracked Stabbone to an abandoned latex mask factory. While McGraw radioed the boys for backup, Stabbone made his daring escape. In the chaos that ensued, both disappeared. Thirty years later, the case of Stabbone and McGraw remains a mystery, though some say that McGraw remains undercover, in relentless pursuit of his evil arch-nemesis.