Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having breakfast at the White House.
The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like, and he replies, "I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit."
"And what can I get for you, Mr. President?"
George W. replies with his trademark wink and slight grin, "How about a quickie this morning?"
"Why, Mr. President!" the waitress exclaims. "How rude! You're starting to act like Mr. Clinton, and you've only been in your second term of office for a year!"
As the waitress storms away, Cheney leans over to Bush and whispers...

"First Lady Laura Bush flew from Washington to New York and instead of flying Air Force One, she took the Delta Shuttle. The first lady said she did this because unlike Air Force One, commercial airlines are cheaper, they waste less gas, and she doesn't get stuck sitting next to a dumb guy." --Conan O'Brien

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"As many as 26 and a half million veterans reported at risk for identity theft after someone stole a computer disk containing their names, birth dates and social security numbers. Why aren't these files put somewhere where no one can find them, like the same place where we keep President Bush's National Guard records?" --Jay Leno

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"As you may have heard, Louisiana Congressman William Jefferson was caught on tape taking a $100,000 bribe and then the FBI found $90,000 in cash in his freezer. Jefferson said he didn't do anything wrong. He said he just fell in with the wrong crowd. You know, other congressmen." --Jay Leno

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"Let's see what's new with New Jersey Governor Jim 'Keep On Truckin' McGreevy. ... Former New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevy has written a book where he said he used to cruise highway rest stops looking to have anonymous sex with gay truckers. ... At what point do you stop having anonymous sex at truck stops and say to yourself I'm tired of this, I'd rather be governor?" --Jay Leno

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"Today the Republicans said this raid (on Rep. William Jefferson's office) may have violated protections for congressmen that are spelled out in the Constitution. The Constitution? All of a sudden they found a copy? Where was this when they were spying on our phone calls?" --Jay Leno

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"A jury found former Enron sleezeballs Ken Lay and Jeff Skilling guilty of fraud and conspiracy. Ken Lay? That's not a good name to have when you're going to prison. And Kenny Boy ain't too good either. ... I guess in prison they'll have done to them what they did to the stockholders." --Jay Leno

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"The president of Mexico has arrived in the U.S., thanks to some nifty fence climbing. ... I thought this was encouraging. He offered to take President Bush's job for $3 an hour cash." --David Letterman

Reagan, Nixon and Clinton are on the Titanic.
The ship hits the iceberg and sinks slowly.
Everybody starts screaming, panicking, etc.
Reagan shouts: "Women and children first."
Nixon goes: "**** the women."
Clinton replies: "Do you think we have time?"

"President Bush is going to establish elections there in Iraq. He's going to rebuild the infrastructure. He's going to create jobs. He said if it works there, he'll try it here." —David Letterman

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"In response to the escalating violence in Iraq, President Bush is delaying the return home of 25,000 troops and will actually add reinforcements to the south. Then in a symbolic gesture he pulled down the mission accomplished banner, put on a flight suit, walked backwards to a jet fighter and flew it in reverse off an aircraft carrier." —Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"