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Monday, August 2, 2010

This is the question that runs through my head every night as I try to fall asleep.

When do we know that we are doing enough for our children?

With Miss B in particular...
Am I doing her "homework" with her enough?
Did I talk to her enough today?
Did I play with her enough to today?
Did she get enough exercise time?
Did I relax enough with her?
Did I sign with her enough?
Did I sing to her enough?
When is it enough?

And then there a zillion questions about T-Man and Fearless too...
Did they each get enough one-on-one attention?
Did I teach them enough today?
Did I play with them enough?
Did I laugh with them enough?
Did I say yes enough?
Did I say no enough?
Did they get enough exercise?
Did they get enough sleep?

In general, I think I'm adequate as a mom; but wouldn't it be fabulous to be more than "adequate"? To be able to walk that thin line of teaching my kids independence and ingenuity and some plain ol' "Figure It Out" skills while at the same time being everything to them? And not only just being able to walk that line...but to KNOW that I am walking that line so I wouldn't have to worry that I wasn't? (Hopefully this is all making sense!)

Not that I wouldn't have worried about "enough" before with the boys, but with Miss B...there are just so many little things that if I don't do "enough" could have some seriously major ramifications later on.

Take the pincer grip for example...for most kids it just happens...but for Miss B...we've been working on it and working on it...and breaking it down into so many smaller parts (who knew there was a inferior pincer grip?!? and a tip pincer grip?!?) and that she needs to learn each one well to lay the foundation for all of her fine motor skills--writing in particular--later on.

So if I blow it off now, it could be years and years before my daughter will be able to legibly write her name.

But then, maybe it will be years and years before she can write her name legibly anyways?

Or maybe she'll bust out writing her name like a pro by age 4--with or without being able to pick up a Cheerio perfectly.

3 comments:

This is the question I'm wrestling with, though I am in a different phase of life. I think the answer lies in something else- like accepting yourself, no matter what, and then evaluating actions more rationally, once the stress is taken care of. That's as far as I've gotten on the answer though, and I'm not even sure that's right. If you find the solution, please share it with me - it's an answer I need as well.

Boy do I hear you! My husband and I ask the same thing all the time! I keep trying to convince myself that we are doing enough, but I don't really believe it. There is always so much more we could be doing. Bottom line though for us is that if she is happy and healthy and we are trying to take those steps forward then we can just keep trying to improve upon where we are.

I wanted to ask you another question, you mentioned that you have been doing a bunch of things to work on her pincer grasp. Would you mind sharing? Our OT seems useless in this regard and she is now 16 months and is no where near any type of pincer grasp!

It is enough!Carrie, you are an amazing Mom! I think one of the hardest parts in being a mom is not beating ourselves up. We want our kids to see us as the wonderful, creative, hardworking people that we are- be confident. If you doubt, your kids see that and to me that is worse than 'failing'. Teach your children the gospel, love them, love your husband and everything else will fall into place.

About Me

I'm a Midwestern girl who's lived in Missouri, Utah, Missouri again, Nebraska, Mississippi and Iowa. This is my story of life with my farmer-turned-professor husband, two exceptional little boys, and one extraordinary little girl who happens to have Trisomy 21, or Down syndrome. The stories you are about to read are all real; I couldn't make it up if I tried.