Post by ModHatter on Jun 30, 2016 12:36:19 GMT -5

Some perspective for newcomers to the ILIASM forum

Sex and intimacy are very personal topics, and people have very different ideas about what is and isn't acceptable. This is important to consider when writing, but also when reading. Discussions here tend to be more graphic and blunt, which calls for more tolerance on the part of readers.

There are male and female moderators here, and our goal is to keep this forum a place where people feel safe discussing a sensitive topic. Especially for women, we're very aware that discussing sex can draw unwanted attention. The mods are here to help, but at the same time we don't intend to be nannies.

A few expectations for your adventures here:

1. If someone crosses your line of appropriateness, you should tell them so and/or ask them to stop. Don't rely on the mods to do this for you - we're all adults here (or are supposed to be). You're also welcome to point them to this thread.

2. You have the ability to "block" any member. You're encouraged to use this feature if someone doesn't respect your boundaries. (View their profile or message, then select the option to "Block this Member". On a mobile device switch to 'Desktop' view to see this option.)

3. If you feel more serious action is needed, we want to hear about it - use the "Report this Member" or "Report this Post" feature to bring it to our attention. This isn't for resolving squabbles, but it is for anyone being threatening, abusive, or way out of line (like unsolicited pervy PMs).

4. "If you can’t take it, don’t dish it out." If you engage in racy or heated conversations, expect to receive the same. Don't be offended easily if someone "kicks it up a notch". But if you think they took it too far, see #1.

5. "Say what you mean, and mean what you say." You can't put the genie back in the bottle.

And specific to private messages (PMs):

PMs are just like private conversations in real life. Start with a polite introduction. If they ignore you or tell you they’re not interested, leave them alone. Respect their boundaries.

Don't assume that replies in a public thread are an invitation to PM. People will share things here in public that they're very uncomfortable discussing privately.

This isn’t a dating site. Just because someone’s here doesn’t mean they’re looking for private chats.

Sending unsolicited sexual images in PM is a fast path to getting banned from the site, as is hostile behavior. Uninvited sexual PMs run a close second. If you’re looking for an explicit conversation, make sure your discussion partner is on the same page first.

The bottom-line: Act responsibly, be tolerant, and stand up for yourself. We’ve got your back when you need us.

Post by Caris on Jul 1, 2016 10:51:47 GMT -5

You are right, the nature of this forumn means there will be more blunt and graphic conversation. However, comparing it to the old EP ILIASM, it has more vulgarity than I ever saw in that group, and much less decorum.

Post by DryCreek on Jul 1, 2016 11:24:03 GMT -5

You are right, the nature of this forumn means there will be more blunt and graphic conversation. However, comparing it to the old EP ILIASM, it has more vulgarity than I ever saw in that group, and much less decorum.

Just my observations.

Interesting perspective. And welcome to the forum!

I find that, with multiple sub-boards here, there is more variety of discussion and for the most part the boards stay on-topic. There is a fair bit of thread-level hijacking here, owing to folks having higher familiarity with each other and being less formal, drifting into side conversations easily. And that same familiarity leads perhaps to more "escalated" discussions because the participants have backstory with each other.

I'm not sure if the tone of the forum is a good or bad thing. It'll adapt to the level of the most vocal members, I think. I do think everyone generally does a good job of keeping the explicit discussion to the Sexual Topics board, though the language elsewhere is definitely not G-rated.

Post by eternaloptimism on Jul 1, 2016 12:06:52 GMT -5

You are right, the nature of this forumn means there will be more blunt and graphic conversation. However, comparing it to the old EP ILIASM, it has more vulgarity than I ever saw in that group, and much less decorum.

Just my observations.

We are straight talking. That's all.

To be fair, the reason we are all here is our (very lengthy for the majority) experience of a sexless relationship.

Most things most people on here talk about stem from our primal human need for love, intimacy and sex.

The clue is in the title of the site!

We all pretty much get each other and are not afraid to give each other our honest opinions.

You will get to know us all well in a short period of time and will most likely laugh and cry your way through all your discussions with us.

I hope that makes sense! Why not introduce yourself on the welcome thread? You'll soon get a feel for the different characters on here.

Welcome x

Darling, don't ever be too shy to dance your heart out. Unless you are in a strip club. Then you'll be told off.

Post by helentishappy on Jul 1, 2016 12:23:33 GMT -5

You are right, the nature of this forumn means there will be more blunt and graphic conversation. However, comparing it to the old EP ILIASM, it has more vulgarity than I ever saw in that group, and much less decorum.

Just my observations.

Huh?! I'd say exactly the opposite. But to each her own, agree to disagree :-)

Post by DryCreek on Jul 1, 2016 12:59:43 GMT -5

You are right, the nature of this forumn means there will be more blunt and graphic conversation. However, comparing it to the old EP ILIASM, it has more vulgarity than I ever saw in that group, and much less decorum.

Just my observations.

Huh?! I'd say exactly the opposite. But to each her own, agree to disagree :-)

I'd infer she means the open use of X-rated bedroom language and verbal imagery here. I'd say that's probably true.

I think the language is much more "direct" here than EP was (not that EP was genteel). Owing to a lot of frustrated bodies that would like our spouses to do "X", "Y", and "Z" explicit things with us, and not being afraid to vent those frustrations explicitly here instead of in coded language. (As an example, I recall a side-chat here on pegging, which on EP would been steered to its own specialty forum[!] rather than being discussed in the ILIASM experience.)

Also, here we don't have the fly-by folks dropping in with their "unique" kinks. I suppose we had to give up something. ;-)

Post by helentishappy on Jul 1, 2016 13:10:37 GMT -5

Huh?! I'd say exactly the opposite. But to each her own, agree to disagree :-)

I'd infer she means the open use of X-rated bedroom language and verbal imagery here. I'd say that's probably true.

I think the language is much more "direct" here than EP was (not that EP was genteel). Owing to a lot of frustrated bodies that would like our spouses to do "X", "Y", and "Z" explicit things with us, and not being afraid to vent those frustrations explicitly here instead of in coded language. (As an example, I recall a side-chat here on pegging, which on EP would been steered to its own specialty forum[!] rather than being discussed in the ILIASM experience.)

Also, here we don't have the fly-by folks dropping in with their "unique" kinks. I suppose we had to give up something. ;-)

Ok so maybe there is more explicit chat, but I maintain that it's done with decorum ;-)

Post by creelunion on Jul 1, 2016 13:11:01 GMT -5

Huh?! I'd say exactly the opposite. But to each her own, agree to disagree :-)

I'd infer she means the open use of X-rated bedroom language and verbal imagery here. I'd say that's probably true.

I think the language is much more "direct" here than EP was (not that EP was genteel). Owing to a lot of frustrated bodies that would like our spouses to do "X", "Y", and "Z" explicit things with us, and not being afraid to vent those frustrations explicitly here instead of in coded language. (As an example, I recall a side-chat here on pegging, which on EP would been steered to its own specialty forum[!] rather than being discussed in the ILIASM experience.)

Also, here we don't have the fly-by folks dropping in with their "unique" kinks. I suppose we had to give up something. ;-)

DC, the group here is also smaller, and started REALLY small. So, to some degree we all got very comfortable -- maybe too comfortable. In very short order defenses fell and everyone metaphorically just got naked.

Now new folks stumble on the group and think this is some kind of orgy. Which to some degree it is.

Post by 3000more on Jul 1, 2016 13:27:10 GMT -5

I'd infer she means the open use of X-rated bedroom language and verbal imagery here. I'd say that's probably true.

I think the language is much more "direct" here than EP was (not that EP was genteel). Owing to a lot of frustrated bodies that would like our spouses to do "X", "Y", and "Z" explicit things with us, and not being afraid to vent those frustrations explicitly here instead of in coded language. (As an example, I recall a side-chat here on pegging, which on EP would been steered to its own specialty forum[!] rather than being discussed in the ILIASM experience.)

Also, here we don't have the fly-by folks dropping in with their "unique" kinks. I suppose we had to give up something. ;-)

DC, the group here is also smaller, and started REALLY small. So, to some degree we all got very comfortable -- maybe too comfortable. In very short order defenses fell and everyone metaphorically just got naked.

Now new folks stumble on the group and think this is some kind of orgy. Which to some degree it is.

...and think this is some kind of orgy...Where are the grapes...hungry

Post by DryCreek on Jul 1, 2016 13:28:22 GMT -5

I'd infer she means the open use of X-rated bedroom language and verbal imagery here. I'd say that's probably true.

I think the language is much more "direct" here than EP was (not that EP was genteel). Owing to a lot of frustrated bodies that would like our spouses to do "X", "Y", and "Z" explicit things with us, and not being afraid to vent those frustrations explicitly here instead of in coded language. (As an example, I recall a side-chat here on pegging, which on EP would been steered to its own specialty forum[!] rather than being discussed in the ILIASM experience.)

Also, here we don't have the fly-by folks dropping in with their "unique" kinks. I suppose we had to give up something. ;-)

DC, the group here is also smaller, and started REALLY small. So, to some degree we all got very comfortable -- maybe too comfortable. In very short order defenses fell and everyone metaphorically just got naked.

Now new folks stumble on the group and think this is some kind of orgy. Which to some degree it is.

@creelunion, I think you're spot-on here. And the metaphor is both funny and very accurate.

frednsa: i saw something on the wedding night (in the 60's) should have ended it during the honeymoon. i was played so perfectly. she is so wonderful in almost every other way, so...still wondering...thinking frigidity is a real thing and untreatableAug 29, 2019 12:07:04 GMT -5