Mrs. Ellen Ringerman: [angry] Hey, wait a minute. You think you can come in here and write down a name and put on that fancy hat and just go? You know what you are? Coogan: Fancy.

[Coogan is taking a bath, a busty woman is washing him, Coogan throws the soap, aiming for her cleavage, and misses] Millie, Coogan's Girlfriend: Need a bigger target? Coogan: There ain't any in this county.

Taxi driver: That's $2.95, including the luggage. Coogan: Tell me, how may stores are there named Bloomingdales in this town? Taxi driver: One, why? Coogan: We passed it twice. Taxi driver: It's still $2.95, including the luggage. Coogan: Yeah, well there's $3.00, including the tip.

Coogan: [while holding a broken bottle in Wonderful Digby's face] All right now, I don't like violence, Mr. Wonderful whatever your name is. You better drop that blade, or you won't believe what happens next, even while it's happening.