In
the case of Ms. Walker, he suggests she might be better
off to try to work out an agreement with her brothers
before the family rift cannot be healed. He says the
brothers' actions may look like bullying, but a court
battle would be worse.

But
he also points out that the mother, who made it clear
to friends that she wanted her daughter to have her
jewellery, does not appear to have explained her reasoning
to her sons. Some of the bitterness might have been
avoided if she had.

Mr.
Kotzer says many people who do have wills focus on
minimizing taxes in their estate planning instead
of avoiding disputes. He knows that estate planning
can be a difficult subject for many people to face,
but he believes more people would tackle it if they
knew how vicious family feuds can become.

"This
is a very important thing to parents - that their
kids not fight - and yet I see a lot of children fighting."

Mr.
Kotzer adds that many people who are elderly now lived
through the Great Depression and the Second World
War in their youth.

They
were the coupon-cutters and savers who often now have
considerable assets.

If
you do not have a will, Mr. Kotzer says, the law of
your province will set out who benefits after your
death. If you die leaving a spouse and children, most
provinces do not give your spouse your entire estate.

"This
can lead to conflict between your surviving spouse
and your children," Mr. Kotzer said.

In
addition, if there is no will, there is no executor
appointed. This means someone must apply to court
to obtain authority that should have been conferred
under a will.

Worse
still, you have not appointed a guardian to look after
your minor children.

He
recommends that people also have in place a continuing
power of attorney for property and another for personal
or medical care in the event that they become sick
or unable to make their own decisions.

In
some provinces, the Living Will is one component of
the power of attorney for personal care, while in
other jurisdictions it may stand as a separate document.

The
Living Will lays out instructions for medical care,
and helps to alleviate some of the stress on the family
if they have to make decisions for a loved one who
suffers extreme physical or mental disability and
whom doctors believe has little or no chance of recovery.

When
it comes to drawing up the will, Mr. Kotzer suggests
parents with more than one child set up a democracy
by naming co-executors. He also recommends that parents
aim for a fairly equitable distribution because one
child can feel slighted if he or she receives less
than others in the family. He points out, however,
that the split will depend on family circumstances.

"Equality
is not always fairness."

Mr.
Kotzer also recommends against cutting out one child
entirely. If parents are inclined to do so, they should
first check with the other children, the lawyer says,
because they will be the ones left behind to deal
with the situation.

Howard
Black, chairman of the trusts and estates section
of the Ontario Bar Association, estimates that only
about 50 per cent of people have a will.

Mr.
Black, who practises law at Minden Gross Grafstein
& Greenstein LLP in Toronto, adds that a poorly
drawn will can give rise to conflict because it is
open to interpretation and opens the door to a court
challenge. He has acted as a mediator in many disputes.

"I
love poorly drawn wills because they usually give
rise to some litigation and some mediation work for
me."

He
recommends people avoid do-it-yourself will kits and
visit a lawyer instead.

Mr.
Black believes we do live in a more litigious society,
as people become more aware of and assertive about
their legal rights.

He
also notes that people are seeing a large transmission
of wealth from one generation to another because of
the way real estate, stocks, bonds and other assets
have gained in value over the past several decades.

Mr.
Black says battles often emerge from injustices that
date back decades - even to childhood.

"In
many cases the motivating factor is not a legal issue,
it's an interpersonal issue."

As
a result, he cautions clients to be careful about
treating children unequally.

But,
Mr. Black says, parents may decide to leave more to
one child than another for a number of reasons: The
parents may decide to leave the family home, for example,
to a single parent who doesn't own a house rather
than a married sibling who does.

"In
some cases, there's a huge disparity," Mr. Black
says. "This one may never have the financial
backing to have a home, while the other one has a
home."

Parents
who decide to provide more to the child who has less
should make the reasons for their decisions clear
in order to avoid family fights, he says.

"In
that case, document it properly."

When
parents have valuable assets such as art and antiques,
Mr. Black recommends having the items appraised. He
warns that a huge discrepancy in the value of items
left to different children can lead to challenges.

Mr.
Black adds that family roundtables can sometimes be
helpful, but he's skeptical as to how honest children
will be in such discussions.

"In
theory, it provides an opportunity for there to be
dialogue. In my experience, many families are not
comfortable having that discussion."

Mr.
Black adds that children who are married may say one
thing in front of the family, and another when it
comes to settling the estate and their spouses get
involved behind the scenes.

"The
influence of in-laws often weighs heavily in these
disputes."

Mr.
Black recommends people have a dispute-resolution
mechanism in place in case conflict does emerge. Heirs
might disagree about whether to sell a house or cottage,
for example. To resolve the dispute, he recommends
parents appoint a third party such as a lawyer, accountant,
relative or close friend to make a binding decision.

Make
sure it's someone that all of the children respect,
and they will probably go along with the decision,
he says.