The 15 Most Insane Vintage Recipes Published in Bon Appetit

Avocado Meatza, '76Don't worry, The Meatza is the only thing that rhymes with pizza on this list. It is topped with cheddar cheese soup and its crust is made entirely of lean ground beef. What's the cherry on top? Well, it's got several: bacon, avocados, and cherry tomatoes.

Double-A Salad, '71It's possible that after eating the Meatza, you'll yearn for lighter fare. If the hokey-pokey were a salad, it would be the Double-A--put the avocado in, take all seeds out, put the apples in. Nope, we lied. It's not even that hard.

Artichokes Italian, '76Have you ever walked up to a buffet, seen the antipasto table and said, "Forget it, I couldn't navigate that if I were Columbus himself?" That's what happened to the guy who came up with this dish. So he put it all in an artichoke.

Blue Cheese Mousse, 73Not only does this pool water-hued dish force you to eat three quarters of a pound of Danish Blue Cheese, but it also makes you work for it. Once you've begun the mold by softening gelatin in wine, you must force the cheese through a sieve. Sounds sweaty.

Low-Calorie Cheesecake, '75Forgive us for being bookish (and for insulting this lovely cake), but there's no way that cheesecake with minimal calories doesn't suck. It's like water that isn't wet, sap that isn't sticky, grass that isn't green--not cool.

Man-Style Beef Stroganoff, '68Second in brawn only to the Manwich, this dish was to be prepped by a "smart girl" looking to "help along a budding romance." The horn in the background is not explained.

Seven-Layer Sandwich Cake, '69In Season 6, Episode 9 of Friends ("The One Where Ross Got High"), Rachel adds beef to the trifle. This is that, times seven and mixed with sour cream.

Golden Teddy Bears, '88There is nothing wrong with this recipe except that it is CRUEL. When your dough begins to look like Winnie, you do not want to put it in the oven, no matter how cute it might look with a pearl necklace or a bow-tie and a button-up.

Hamburger Cups, '70

In the event that you don't have any artichokes lying around, go ahead and hollow out a hamburger. Where else would you put your sour cream?

Hawaiian-Style Sandwich Lomi-Lomi Salmon on White Bread, '64

If we did not include this recipe in the post, we would write another one called "Dishes Whose Titles We Forgot to Edit."

Kahala Hilton Tropical Itch, '70

Contrary to what its title might imply, this is not something you can contract. It is, however, the cocktail you are supposed to sip with the aforementioned sandwich.

Torta Mexican-Style, '75

Problem #1: The ground beef is not red enough to emulate the Mexican flag. Problem #2: At least half of the ingredients come from a packet. Problem #3: In Mexico, a "torta" is a sandwich.

California Waldorf Salad, 74

We've heard that things tend to be, uh, firmer on the West Coast. We didn't know that also applied to Waldorf Salads.

TV Snacks, '62

Hot dogs sliced lengthwise on strips of French bread--bringing families together since 1962.