shit gettin' real yo

Robert Mueller To Paul Manafort: Knock Knock, Motherfucker!

On July 26, the morning after Trump campaign chair Paul Manafort testified behind closed doors for the Senate Intelligence Committee, Donald Trump Twitter-bated out a ban on transgender people serving in the military, which top military brass are basically ignoring right now. On top of that, he randomly threatened then-acting FBI director Andrew McCabe over his allegedly nefarious ties to Hillary Clinton (which don’t exist), which seemed weird and out of left field, but that’s Twitter Trump for you. Oh, and also he bitched that morning at Alaska GOP Senator Lisa Murkowski for her principled vote against murdering healthcare for her constituents. What the hell was he trying to distract us from?

PERHAPS he was trying to make some headlines, just in case news leaked that special counsel Robert Mueller’s team sent FBI agents to Manafort’s house early that morning, while it was still dark, and raided the hell out of it. PERHAPS he was also firing a warning shot at McCabe, because he didn’t like the FBI showing up at his buddy’s house like that. The Washington Post has the scoop:

FBI agents raided the Alexandria home of President Trump’s former campaign chairman late last month, using a search warrant to seize documents and other materials, according to people familiar with the special counsel investigation into Russian meddling in the 2016 election. […]

The search warrant was wide-ranging and FBI agents working with special counsel Robert S. Mueller III departed the home with various records.

But wait, hasn’t Manafort been cooperating SO GOOD with these investigations? He met with the Senate Intelligence Committee and gave them all the notes he took during that meeting with Donald Trump Jr. and all the Russians at Trump Tower. He turned over all kinds of other documents to Congress. (And so did Trump Jr. and the Trump campaign, which handed over THOUSANDS of documents, probably all the way down to the take-out menus, because they are just trying to “help” the investigations along by bogging them down in paperwork.)

We guess Mueller was suspicious Manafort was cooperating TOO GOOD with the investigations, turning over all kinds of useless paper and keeping the good stuff for himself. In other words, he wasn’t really cooperating, and Mueller was able to show a judge he had probable cause to believe Manafort deserved an early morning visit from the FBI’s finest:

The search warrant indicates investigators may have argued to a federal judge they had reason to believe Manafort could not be trusted to turn over all records in response to a grand jury subpoena.

Moreover, Mueller might have been worried Manafort would try to destroy evidence, as former Justice Department spokesperson and current MSNBC contributor Matthew Miller notes on Twitter. Miller also flags a Twitter thread arguing that, for a judge to sign off on a 4:00 AM raid on Trump’s freaking CAMPAIGN CHAIRMAN, before Manafort had even had a chance to put his panties on, have a spot of coffee, and check his offshore bank accounts to see if his latest check from a Russian oligarch cleared (allegedly!), Mueller would have to have had really significant evidence that he would find something BIG in that search.

Manafort’s allies fear that Mueller hopes to build a case against Manafort unrelated to the 2016 campaign, in hopes that the former campaign operative would provide information against others in Trump’s inner circle in exchange for lessening his own legal exposure.

WHOA IF TRUE, and it’s probably true!

That’s right, ORANGE FISH, like that big slimehead Donald Trump.

We are guessing Robert Mueller has probably found quite a lot of creepy crawly crimey Manafort stuff, considering the number of shady deals Manafort seems to have been involved in in his work as a LITERAL ACTUAL FOREIGN AGENT. The New York Times reports that investigators were looking for “tax documents and foreign banking records,” which leads us to wonder whether they raided his apartment at Trump Tower too. They should probably check there! Or one of his other one million apartments, bought with weird mortgages from strange banks!

Regardless, this helps explain why Donald Trump has been trying to sweet-talk Robert Mueller through his lawyer, while he bad-mouths him in public. We already knew Mueller was going after literal actual foreign agent/former national security adviser Michael Flynn — as Matthew Miller also notes on Twitter, the first one to REALLY flip gets the “golden ticket,” but there is only ONE golden ticket — and he’s assembled a team of legal badasses of the caliber you hire when your real target is somebody much, much bigger, more tremendous, YOOOOOOOOGER than these piddly-ass fucks. (We are talking about the orange fish.)

He spends his days deflecting the sad glances of his black lab, Lula, who would please like him to stop typing letters to the internet and throw the squeaky chicken in the backyard instead. Though the internet does not give him credit, it’s probably his fault Aaron Schock is no longer a congressperson, due how Evan would not stay off his tail during the SCANDALS. (Not in a sex way, in a writing way!) Also, he writes songs and plays the piano, at the same time! Lastly, Evan is a Southern person, and thus is casting polite judgment on you, right now, for reading this. Bless your heart.

I’d like to see a Gus Fring exuent for all our dear illegal leaders. (With votes.)

FlownΩver

Vlad’s not here, man!

JMP

There’s no reason to be afraid that Manafort would destroy documents, after all all Trump affiliates have great respect for the law and would never engage in willful obstruction of justice OK I can’t keep a straight face any longer.

GoutMachine

I can’t believe the DOJ/FBI are harrassing these True U.S. American Patriots ™ this way!

Of course there’s still lying congressional Republicans – and “leftist” useful idiots of the far right – insisting that he should instead be investigating the REAL scandal, Hillary Clinton’s completely legal email server.

GoutMachine

Or Running While Female.

The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

It’s funny that they also mentioned going after Chelsea. Not a peep about Bill though.

jesterpunk

The people they go after all have something in common I just cant figure out what…

MynameisBlarney

It’s obvious you fool!
They all have Vagendas of Manocide!

jesterpunk

They also have cooties and dont make sammiches or cookies.

MynameisBlarney

And even moar worster than all that…
They are strong, determined intelligent womerns!

jesterpunk

Those monsters!!!!eleventy!!!!

Bobathonic

What a bunch of persistent cusses they are!

MynameisBlarney

INORITE!
It’s almost like they have minds and lives of their own and don’t seem to care about being brood mares for the patriarchy!

Bobathonic

Sheesh, you just can’t get good help these days.

Celtic_Gnome

The people going after them and Bill also have one thing in common. They all like blowjobs.

JMP

Both groups have an obsession with hating hating Chelsea’s hypothetical future runs for office, despite the many times she’s stated that she has no interest in running, and insistence that she should never be allowed to speak in public, as Clinton Derangement Syndrome and hardcore misogyny merge again.

Ducksworthy

Mannafort’s daughter said there was blood money. Was there blood money? Plutonium? Dioxin receipts?

GoutMachine

Money was coming from Meghan Kelley’s wherevers.

Msgr_MΩment

Blood money with high levels of polonium.

Resistance Fighter Callyson

The search warrant indicates investigators may have argued to a federal judge they had reason to believe Manafort could not be trusted to turn over all records in response to a grand jury subpoena.

I’m surprised they haven’t started throwing out the bullshit 90s anti-Clinton conspiracy theories too, for old times’ sake – let’s have pretending there’s something scandalous about firing incompetent employees of the White House travel office again! And of course the granddaddy of them all, implying they were up to something vaguely nefarious when they lost money on a real estate deal!

GoutMachine

Exactly. I’m surprised they haven’t relished in the idea of pissing on Vince Foster’s grave again.

JMP

Ron Brown’s, along with the graves of everyone else who died in that plane crash with him, also too.

schmannity

It’s a trail of Hillary murder and mayhem leading directly to Serh Rich, tonight on Hannity.

Persistent Tennessee Rain

They have dredged up the old, “Hillary killed Vince Foster” story, if that’s what you mean.

Celtic_Gnome

Hey, at least they’ve finally dropped Chappaquiddick.

Of course, that could have just been because the current crop of Republicans can neither spell or pronounce it.

Persistent Tennessee Rain

Hillary hand delivered Uranium to the Russians. No colluder. No colluder. You’re the colluder.

Celtic_Gnome

It does get kind of obvious when they really, really want to change the subject.

Mr. Blobfish

The Page 6 President is in waaaaay over his head.

Resistance Fighter Callyson

It could also have been intended to send a message to President Trump’s former campaign chairman that he should not expect gentle treatment or legal courtesies from Mueller’s team.

So serving a search warrant is the new “bitch, please”? Good to know!

Beanz&Berryz

I think the pre-dawn pounding on the door has already slipped past gentle treatment… and, I bet the i’s are dotted on all the legal courtesies … so those are to be expected…

schmannity

Gosh, even federal judges and magistrates are fooled by FAKE NEWS.

–Alternative Reality calling.

elviouslyqueer

So all this bloviating tiny-dick-swinging at North Korea was yet another distraction?

When you work for Drumf, “pre dawn FBI raid” is pretty much one of those things that get included in the job description.

beatbort

Trump won’t tweet storm this revelation. He’s had time to think:
“Hmmmmmm, maybe I can fob this whole thing off on Manafort…maybe I should chum the water behind the yacht and then toss him to the sharks….Manafort overboard LOL”

white house staff anxiously checking every US phone book to locate another “Paul Manafort” they can say was the actual campaign manager.

Yellerduck

Hey, KAC or David Miller could sell that with a straight face.
KAC: “We don’t know who this guy even is. THIS is the Paul Manafort we had on the campaign.”
Reporter: But, he’s 10 years old.
KAC: I’m shocked at your ageist attitude! The youth of this great country are our future!”

How many people do you think Trumpy has asked to have assassinated? I’m going with “more than one”.

Vagenda of Rebel Scum

If he feels his back is enough to the wall, then possibly. He seems like the type to go more for some Mussolini style beatings and castor oil, letting people live to tell the tale. He does enjoy humiliation.

(((fka_donnie_d)))

“Who will rid me of this turbulent priest?”

(((fka_donnie_d)))

And you’ve just identified the real problem with GeeGee Greenwald. He desperately wants to pretend that we’re no better than any of these assholes.

EDIT:

That scene in The Godfather when Michael comes back from Italy and goes to see Kay. People who pretend that the world is uniformly governed by complete assholes are looking for an excuse for their own assholery.

Sandra Bland? (I know what you mean, though: the consequences of racism are different from actual state assassinations, but still.)

Vagenda of Rebel Scum

I’m struggling with that. No, we are not so good. We have never been that good. But as bad as we’ve been, we’ve never been good at the kind of massive, systematic totalitarian thuggary practiced by the Russians over the last 100 years.

ManchuCandidate

I am the one who knocks… Bitch.
-FBI guy Mueller.

Finnibar87

Bobby Three Sticks never uses the bell.

Bobathonic

In my neck of the woods, Bobby Three Sticks is RGIII, sportsball perfessional.

Celtic_Gnome

The Special Council Only Knocks Once.

Coming this fall to Netflix.

Indiepalin

I hope he hid his weed better than I do.

msanthropesmr

Everybody recognized that weren’t oregano a long time ago.

Weird Fishes

Still good on pizza, right? Asking for a friend.

arglebargle

You can’t hide it too good or you might forget where you put it. Or so I’ve heard.

My Trump neighbor just told me they raided him because he had Hillarys lost e-mails.

BadKitty904

Perhaps he’s thinking of Indiana Jones…

laughingnome

You live near a Trump?

Scooby

I live in Trump country, that’s why I want to move.

MynameisBlarney

Something tells me your neighbor isn’t terribly bright.

Bub, the cynical zombie

First clue: “Trump neighbour.”

Weird Fishes

Self-identified, no doubt.

NastyBossetti

This is why I don’t talk to people. I probably would’ve punched your neighbor.

MynameisBlarney

Laughter followed by harsh, unceasing ridicule.

Scooby

I won’t punch him but I once filled out a change of address form for him and had all his mail sent to Bolivia.

Marion in Savannah

I like the way your mind works!

NastyBossetti

Remind me not to mess with you.

Bobathonic

Clearly, there is still far too much lead in our environment.

TJ Barke

Of course.

Edith Prickly

FAKE NEWS! They’re in Comet Ping Pong’s basement.

Ducksworthy

I have a Trump (formerly GWB) neighbor. Another neighbor was standing at the curb telling him, quite forcefully, what he thought of Trump. I happened to overhear some of it. I went to the neighbor who was yelling about the Trump supporter being a hopeless idiot and asked him “So why are you arguing with him?”

marxalot

Well, I think that wins the Trump TripleThink award for the day.

GoutMachine

Oh, bless his (her) heart.

DainBramage

When will Mueller have enough info to convince a judge that he should be allowed to tear Trump Tower down to the studs?

At least the FBI is learned from Ruby Ridge. When Podunk PD decides it’s time for a little excitement, that’s when the casualties start piling up. And it could be you if Informant Who Don’t Care gives them the wrong address.

(Or, “Ladies and gentlemen, I can envision a day when the brains of brilliant men can be kept alive in the bodies of dumb people.”)

JMP

You mean all those ads for pills and websites that claim they will make your brain work gooder are likely scams? I am shocked, shocked! I was sure the claim that eating pills made from jellyfish would magically improve my brainpower must be legit!

BadKitty904

So, how long have you been voting Republican?

JMP

The sad thing is, I keep seeing ads for the jellyfish brain pills running on MSNBC lately; but then as alternative “medicine” and the anti-GMO food movement show, a good number of liberals are also susceptible to anti-science con artists.

BadKitty904

I s’pose we can console ourselves with the thought that medical quacks and charlatans go back as far as recorded history…

Celtic_Gnome

Hey! you know what the call non-alternative medicine?

Medicine.

Komsumverweigerer Ron

Actually, they really do work, and work well. The problem is that I can now only remember things jellyfish know. Ooh, look, plankton! Yum!

Ezio

When does she buy bottles of Alex Jones’ “brain force” supplement for school children?

BadKitty904

Once she’s popped some more peyote…

WotsAllThisThen

Now with even more chicken bones!

Skwerl the Taco Hunter

I cannot wait for these things to be used in public schools to kick black kids out help identify gifted children!

Covfefe

No, not stupid. The point of an investment is return on investment. Sales are driven by marketing.

WotsAllThisThen

The only “evidence” i want to see is in my portfolio bottom line. Cha-ching!

Msgr_MΩment

Think Mueller is searching the White House while it’s being fumigated? Irresponsible not to!

DainBramage

Is that why the work is being done?

GoutMachine

Maybe we will very soon have Tapes! And Tapps!

WotsAllThisThen

I hear that whole place is high tech tapp by wire.

marxalot

And tapas!

Elvis Causticfellow

And taco wagons!

MynameisBlarney

Doubtful.
But, it’s very likely that there are several agencies doing their thing.

Zombishroom

They’ll just find a bunch of pee porn.

Komsumverweigerer Ron

In Russian.

beatbort

Is this an omen?: I took my son to a film production class today at a university in New Britain, Ct. The building where the class is held is on Paul Manafort Drive.
Cue the Twilight Zone music.

(full disclosure: Manafort’s father was mayor of New Britain many years ago).

Persistent Tennessee Rain

This nothing burger is looking a little juicy.

TJ Barke

Aaand Donnie called for the firing of the acting head of the FBI after learning about the raid. Donnie has nothing to fear if he has nothing to hide… so why’s he so afraid?

Would Trump start WW3 to deflect attention from this mess?
Why yes, yes he would!

Dearest Wonkers, allay my fears, and tell me how he’ll be stopped.

Antonin Dvorak

He is far too incompetent to pull it off. Plus, the Pentagon isn’t exactly his biggest fans at the moment.

Ducksworthy

Mattis has given him a decoy Nuclear Football.

WotsAllThisThen

Everyone told him it’s an actual, literal football, and he should see Lucy Van Pelt if he ever needs to kick it.

Elvis Causticfellow

Upfisted for knowing Lucy’s full name.

georgiaburning

Let Trudeau hang onto the real one, because of NORAD and all that.

Komsumverweigerer Ron

‘Spalding?’
‘They’re a small defense contractor, Mr President.’

Vagenda of Rebel Scum

The military and corporate people who actually are running this country don’t think it’s good for business- at least for now.

Komsumverweigerer Ron

Call me crazy…
… but I think I do trust them, at least in this instance. Li’l Kim may be nuttier than squirrel shit, but there is nothing at ALL to be gained by starting a war with him, not militarily, not economically, and much to lose. I don’t see anyone in the government who knows their ass from their elbow supporting Donnie’s dick-measuring contest. It’s even possible that the boys in the silos and submarines have been told to wait for confirmation before pushing any buttons.

Vagenda of Rebel Scum

I have read some theorizing by leftists that we are currently in the throes of a soft military coup, and that like Turkey and Egypt, we may have to rely on the military to protect us from becoming a Dominionist state. Since there is some overlap between right wing evangelicals and the military, I’m not sure how correct they are.

Komsumverweigerer Ron

It’s hard to know any more, but it doesn’t seem any more unlikely than anything else that’s happened in the last couple of years.

WotsAllThisThen

“Prison cell or nuclear bunker? I’ll take the one with better food!”

Beanz&Berryz

The bunker has great food to start, but it runs out after a week… So for the best overall visitor experience, the prison cell is recommended by many…

Beanz&Berryz

I think, from talking with a military friend, that there is not just the option to disregard an illegal order, but actually a duty to disregard an illegal order. I don’t know how that works, but… maybe the Generals and the Admirals will save us…

marxalot

According to the Uniform Code of Military Justice, yes, you are obligated to disobey illegal orders. Now, if they would just build “identifying and refusing illegal orders” into the curriculum for officers and enlisted, and make everyone take a refresher on it ever 16 months.

Beanz&Berryz

I want more conversation with my friend about this…

laineypc

Lawyers for everybody! 1-800-ISLEGAL?

Mehmeisterjr

The only hitch is that disobeying an illegal order is a tough call to make in the real world.

Dubya and his idiots issued plenty of illegal orders that should have been rejected but were not.

However, if any order qualifies as illegal it is an order by Donald Trump to go nuke somebody for shits and giggles.

Beanz&Berryz

I’d think the big Crime Against Humanity types of illegal are best to disregard… but ok, here’s another question… is there a definition of when words are a command or not a command? Is there an explicit “intent” requirement for a statement from a superior to be a command? Or is everything out of a superior’s mouth/fingers a command, unless they say, just kidding?

Komsumverweigerer Ron

I can tell you that at boots-on-the-ground level, EVERYTHING is an order. ESPECIALLY the stuff that makes no sense. Above that, I wish I could say, though if one got lucky you could hear a LOT of kvetching about nonsensical orders from NCOs and junior officers.

Beanz&Berryz

The pal is Lt. Col.or Col. level, and indulges and shares my interest in military theory and history…

Komsumverweigerer Ron

I’d figure he’s right, then, though I can’t imagine that he ever thought it might become an issue in his lifetime.

Beanz&Berryz

Agreed… we talk hypotheticals… he’s proper and respectful of the chain of command… I think he’s had not direct experience…

Komsumverweigerer Ron

He might be getting a lot of THAT rather quickly. It sounds, though, like he has a good head on his shoulders – my experience is that once they hit colonel they kind of settle down. <smiles>

Beanz&Berryz

He does. We stumbled on this occasional line of conversation. After the start of the Iraq War, I read Fiasco and from there went on a ragey tear through a bunch of books on military history and theory, including some he read during some post-graduate military courses. So we have a fun geekfest once in awhile.

Komsumverweigerer Ron

I think I’m jealous…

Last Hussar

Its easier to do if you’re a British recce officer and the insane order comes from a yank 4 star general. Who then wails on his British 3 star subordinate. Who tells him the same thing.

No matter what you think of dinner James Blunt, you might not know he served as a armoured reconnaissance CO in Kosovo. He was instructed to seize Pristina airport. However our Russian ‘allies’ had got there first, helping out their Serbian mates.

Blunt was one of the unit leaders on the ground who got the order from Wesley Clarke to take the airport. Recognising he was about to get into an area kicking contest with a hedgehog, he said no.

Clarke then told Mike Jackson to make his troops I obey orders. Jackson refused to enforce Clark’s orders, reportedly telling him “I’m not going to start the Third World War for you.”

MynameisBlarney

They’ll either remove him via the 25th Amendment or impeach the fucking traitor.

Beanz&Berryz

I’m leaning toward impeachment… Impeachment will need Mueller’s investigation results… but that’s cover from the Base…25thing him would be to stand up to his insanity, which is deemed insane because it’s only a bit more literal than their insanity, and there’s no “objective” investigation to provide cover… so.. Robert Mueller is our only hope…

ExecutorElassus

As @20committee has put it, one potential end to this scenario is McMaster or Kelly tackling the president as he dives for the football with FBI and the marshals kicking the doors in.

LeftyProud

A good friend of mine said that Trump doesn’t want the world to end. He wants us all cowering and afraid. ‬ So, we do what we can to stop him, and come here to Wonkette to feel better!

Raan

Mueller, Joe Friday, and Jim Gordon marching upstairs to the presidential residence with an arrest warrant.

Marion in Savannah

Um, not a “scoop” for the WaPo, since the NYT and AP also covered this earlier today.

Wild Cat

So that means Fox, Breitbart, and the WSJ will carry it in 2034.

Marion in Savannah

If ever.

Komsumverweigerer Ron

And Fox will call him, ‘Paul Manafort (D).’

TundraGrifter

No scoops for you!

WotsAllThisThen

I hate orange puffer fish. I always stick with the tuna roll or salmon.

Wild Cat

I lost my appetite for it when CIA Bush un 1 upchucked it all over Japan’s PM.

You’re not the only one. Keep it. Virgin vinyl in an unbroken plastic film may be worth something in 100 years. If we last that long.

Skwerl the Taco Hunter

Hillary is using Mueller as her personal bloodhound. He’s out sniffing on a trail with no scent, but he still hopes it will lead to President Trump regardless. A far less pristine trail leads to crooked Hillary as well as Obama, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, and many others. Despite the abundance of redolent clues they’ve left behind, Mueller has been assigned to sniff at President Trump. It’s a waste of time and taxpayer money.

It’s a charade designed to hide the criminal misdeeds of the Deep State itself. They may fabricate lies to remove President Trump, but in doing so they’ll also be flirting with civil war. Too many constitutional republic-loving Americans will not tolerate a coup by the swamp.

Psst; for that to make sense, the people whose names you labeled the piles with would have to be dirty, not completely ethical and scandal-free.

Ducksworthy

Funny. Garrison doesn’t sound like a Russian name.

Anna Rompage

The last name of his family was changed from Douchebagski, when they immigrated from the Soviet Union…

CindyinEncinitas

Those darn immigration officers and their wretched spelling skills!

Zombishroom

I guess reality is on vacation?

Komsumverweigerer Ron

And isn’t coming back until we start showing it more respect.

Old town Urbandale

I’m afraid that it’s gone to live on a farm upstate, where it can run free and play all day.

Vagenda of Rebel Scum

Garrison is a demented tool. Mueller is a lifelong Republican and head of the FBI during the Bush years. Trump interviewed him to be FBI director.
RWNJ’s didn’t start hating him until they realized that he was going to actually investigate the Trump campaign.

Skwerl the Taco Hunter

Garrison explains that Mueller took orders from Dick Cheney and therefore works for Hillary or something.

Vagenda of Rebel Scum

“The Cheneys and the Clinton’s have always been pals”. This explains the market for Teevee preachers,” gold” commeritive coins, genuine “diamel” pendants, and survival seeds.

jesterpunk

How many investigations did congressional republicans have over Hillary’s emails and Benghazi? How many of those investigations found anything illegal? 0

Komsumverweigerer Ron

That just proves how adept they are at coverups!

amrak63

Ron jokes, but that is exactly what the wingnuts think.

laineypc

And yet with all this adeptness she still couldn’t manage to wrangle the presidency through her crooked ways.

amrak63

And despite the soulless murderousness of the House of Clinton, all their enemies who slander them 24/7 go on breathing.

puredog

“Because God!”

Komsumverweigerer Ron

I know. It wasn’t so much a joke as a cry of despondency.

Edith Prickly

Does Garrison get paid for his demented scribblings?

Skwerl the Taco Hunter

Yes. He has done some covers for right-wing magazines.

H0mer0

this one doesn’t even make sense

SeeTrain65

None of them do.

Good_Gawd_Yall

Is there some alternate universe where IT WORKS!!11111!!!! to throw up piles of bullshit to try to obscure reality? Because it seems to be working on fewer and fewer of the koolaid-drinkers these days.

Msgr_MΩment

So, the ‘patriots’ on the right are itching to rebel? There’s a word for that, and it ain’t ‘patriotism’.

Vagenda of Rebel Scum

I’ve shut a few of em down this way-
So if Trump is tried and impeached by a vote of Congress , based on the evidence presented by Mueller
And if Congress further votes to remove him from office as described by the Constitution
After this whole process, you are going to grab your gunz, go out in the streets and shoot who?
The Republican Congress?
The NY Times Building?
Who?

HorseChestnut

Reading that made me stupider.

H0mer0

thanks for the trigger warning.

foiled again

Note the halo the cartoonist applies as the dot on the ‘I’. Whatta jackbag.

Next fool that uses “deep state” in a conversation with me is getting his face rearranged.

foiled again

Dented, into a deep state.

Incoming Ham

They’ve worn this shtick out. At some point soon they will have to face the real problem. It’s going to be ugly.

Komsumverweigerer Ron

Thank you, Mr Garrison, for these peeks into the minds of the totally delusional.

CindyinEncinitas

Weak. Sad.

amrak63

“It’s a charade designed to hide the criminal misdeeds of the Deep State itself. They may fabricate lies to remove President Trump, but in doing so they’ll also be flirting with civil war. Too many constitutional republic-loving Americans will not tolerate a coup by the swamp.”

Bring it, motherfuckers. BRING. IT.

Apparently, your asses were not kicked hard enough in 1865.

Professor Fate

“They may fabricate lies to remove President Trump, ”
Translation – Trump is a guilty as sin and is about to get tossed out his ear.

People like Manafort and Flynn are in a dilemma. They are probably tempted to destroy evidence. But they are almost certainly not on Trump’s friends-and-family pardon list, so they may need any evidence they have to make a deal.

Trump may also have a pardon dilemma (assuming he’s guilty of something, which I am assuming). If he can’t pardon himself then he would have to depend on Pence. But Pence wants to run for President. Pardoning Nixon didn’t help Ford’s campaign and the uproar would likely be far worse if Trump were pardoned. Pence may not feel very generous.

Mehmeisterjr

And besides, Pence himself is up to his eyeballs in Russian jiggery-pokery himself, thanks to Flynn. So President Ryan?

Ryan is probably hoping that Rohrabacher doesn’t give him up, thereby taking him out of the line of succession and so forth and so on until the President of the United States is Dennis Hastert.

Our priest was at this year’s Jamboree, as a chaplain. I had no idea that priests were supposed to use language like he did when asked about “the speech.”

Beanz&Berryz

Words like “inappropriate” and “surprised”?

SprinklemagicResistancebuns

Or more like “goddamn perverted asshole”?

ExecutorElassus

Fun Fact! State crimes aren’t pardonable, and NYAG Schneiderman has three separate lines of investigation — state RICO, financial crimes, and human fucking trafficking (and those don’t have a statute of limitations. The modeling company was rumored to have been falsifying papers for underage “models” to work in the US as high-priced “escorts”) — all of which potentially target the president and his circle. RCT claims that there are taped depositions of That Asshole sexually assaulting minors and threatening “disappearance” if they talk.
These assholes are doooooooomed.

Joe T.

I’ve been saying this exact same thing for a while now.

Word is that Dems have something very big on Ryan that they’re holding close to vest. I have no clue what/if it is.

puredog

woe if twoo

SpideySenser

Pretty, pretty please!

Dudleydidwrong

If Hastert were to ever become pres, the next Scout Jamboree would be the first where the president spoke from inside a locked cage.

Maybe

I’m not sure how deeply involved Pence is with Russia. He certainly told falsehoods, but he may have been just a good little parrot repeating what he was told. That makes him too dumb to be President, but dumb is not an impeachable offense. (We should consider adding that to the list, though.)

Ryan is pretty good at weaseling out of things, so he may also be okay.

But the 2016 voters showed that they want something different (okay, so they went a little too different). After the failure of both Trump and the Repub Congress to get anything accomplished, no establishment type may do well with the Repub base. Maybe we’ll get Duck Dynasty next time.

If the Boy Scouts have any sense they won’t invite whoever is President next year.

TundraGrifter

There are so many players in this mess the odds of any one person having a unique document are slim. They don’t have the coordination to all destroy the copies and they can’t trust each other to actually do it even if they did.

We always return to Rule #1 of White Collar Crime – They don’t go to Club Fed for what they did; they serve time for trying to cover it up.

Vagenda of Rebel Scum

The digital age has made all of that more complicated. Even if you think that you deleted it, there could be a shadow copy on a hard drive, or someone else’s hard drive, or a server somewhere.

TundraGrifter

If I were still working in politics I’d have this printed on the biggest fucking poster I could buy :

Don’t write anything you can phone.
Don’t phone anything you can talk.
Don’t talk anything you can whisper.
Don’t whisper anything you can smile.
Don’t smile anything you can nod.
Don’t nod anything you can wink.
~ Earl Long

laughingnome

And walk around in your bathrobe and act crazy in broad daylight. – Vincente Gigante

A month before Donald Trump clinched the Republican nomination, one of his closest allies in Congress — House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy — made a politically explosive assertion in a private conversation on Capitol Hill with his fellow GOP leaders: that Trump could be the beneficiary of payments from Russian President Vladimir Putin.

“There’s two people I think Putin pays: Rohrabacher and Trump,” McCarthy (R-Calif.) said, according to a recording of the June 15, 2016, exchange, which was listened to and verified by The Washington Post. Rep. Dana Rohrabacher is a Californian Republican known in Congress as a fervent defender of Putin and Russia.

House Speaker Paul D. Ryan (R-Wis.) immediately interjected, stopping the conversation from further exploring McCarthy’s assertion, and swore the Republicans present to secrecy.

Before the conversation, McCarthy and Ryan had emerged from separate talks at the Capitol with Ukrainian Prime Minister Vladi­mir Groysman, who had described a Kremlin tactic of financing populist politicians to undercut Eastern European democratic institutions.

News had just broken the day before in The Washington Post that Russian government hackers had penetrated the computer network of the Democratic National Committee, prompting McCarthy to shift the conversation from Russian meddling in Europe to events closer to home.

Some of the lawmakers laughed at McCarthy’s comment. Then McCarthy quickly added: “Swear to God.”

Ryan instructed his Republican lieutenants to keep the conversation private, saying: “No leaks. . . . This is how we know we’re a real family here.”

The remarks remained secret for nearly a year.

WotsAllThisThen

Of course as soon as Trey Gowdy heard about this he convened his investigatory committee to take a good hard look at Hillary’s emails again.

Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

It’s the only thing about him that’s ever “hard”

Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

Besides his head…

Beanz&Berryz

Wasn’t this first reported long ago?

jesterpunk

Yes its an older story that fit in with the newest story about Manafort.

Beanz&Berryz

Just trying to keep my internal timeline straight…

TundraGrifter

Nice touch by Mr. Mueller to wait until Manafort has testified and then seize the documents to see if he’d told the truth.

You almost get the feeling Mr. Mueller has done this before and that he’s pretty good at it by now.

Vagenda of Rebel Scum

The big league white collar criminal is a species Mueller has hunted many times before. He knows it’s habitat, it’s hiding places, how to flush it out, and how it behaves when it feels threatened.

TundraGrifter

“There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter.” – Ernest Hemingway

Incoming Ham

Read that in David Attenborough’s voice. That’s all I could think of when I read it.

mardam422

Exactly!!1 “But Mr. Manafort, according to your testimony this document should not exist. Would you like a little time to confer with your lawyer before we present you with your choices?”

TundraGrifter

I’ll say it again. If Manafort turns and spills the beans on his friends in Europe, the Ukraine, etc., he won’t live to spend any of his ill-gotten gains. And if he doesn’t flip he’s staring at twenty years.

mardam422

Quite the horns of a dilemma, eh?

Last Hussar

This time the FSB might be involved. Time to tread softly and…

Latverian Diplomat

“Don’t worry Mr. Trump, all the really incriminating stuff was in a box under my bed labeled ‘Nothing to see here!’ So they won’t find a thing.”

WotsAllThisThen

“Also, it’s all in Russian so they won’t be able to read it anyway.”

Old town Urbandale

“And I downloaded a bunch of child porn to every hard drive to further distract the FBI.”

Komsumverweigerer Ron

So, anyone think Donnie is smart enough to be scared shitless by this?

theblackdog

Let’s see how much he tweets about Manafort or the FBI today and we’ll know.

CindyinEncinitas

He won’t tweet about them. He’ll tweet about HER EMAILS!!!1!!1!

Invidosa

Nope, he just reads his pretty little propaganda package and touched his little teeny self

ExecutorElassus

As Russian Conspiracy Twitter has pointed out, Paulie Walnuts has been desperately trying to flip for Mueller for weeks. The fact that he hasn’t struck a deal means that:
1) Mueller is confident that Manafort can offer him nothing he doesn’t already have, which is weird because
2) one of the things Manafort could serve up on a platter would be the current president, and thus
3) Mueller already has enough, combined with the NYAG, to bring That Asshole’s entire empire crashing down, and thus
4) Manafort, and Flynn, and Pence, and a bunch of top GOP (*cough*Rohrbacher*cough*), along with That Asshole and his whole rotten family (Tiff and Barron get a pass, because they are not rotten) are all going to jail, their properties are all getting seized and auctioned off (thanks KKKeebler Elf for those newly strengthened civil forfeiture powers!), and they are all going to die broke and hated, in prison.
FOR GREAT JUSTICE.

WotsAllThisThen

I wouldn’t jump at the chance to hang out with Tiffany or Barron either, but by the low bar of not fucking up the world they’re okay in my book.

CindyinEncinitas

Barron was prolly not even allowed to leave legos on the floor as little midnight wake-up calls for his parents.

AuntyMaude

Don’t talk about the boy, Martha.

laughingnome

This is my dream.

puredog

“Everyone is allowed to have dreams.”

RugzYaBurnt

This is a much more pleasing scenario than the one I conjured in my cynical little brain in response to the news when I just assumed that Manafort had already squirreled away anything of interest.

Vagenda of Rebel Scum

That’s why Ryan, McConnell and Pence will try to offer him a deal to step down sooner- before this all comes out in the wash. Trump being Trump,he’ll be certain of his own invincibility, and won’t take it.

Invidosa

I think perhaps the gop is biding it’s time to wait until they can leverage impeachement into the greatest political capitol closer to the next round of Congressional elections. So they can say “we did the right thing eventually, please allow us to give you lavish blow jobs while we strip you of everything you hold dear”

Bullhorn: “Mr. MANAFORT! This is Special Counsel Robert Mueller! I have a warrent. I have the FBI with me. I have hand sanitizer. SEND OUT THE PEE HOOKER TAPES OR WE’LL BE FORCED TO COME AND GET THEM!”

In ancient times, in the land of Wonkettaria, legend tells of a reference to using canned clams in – if I remember correctly; this was before my time – a linguine recipe. The elders will surely correct me if I’m wrong.

Anyway, much outrage ensued, presumably on behalf of fresh clams, which are strangely never mentioned in these jokes. The “MONSTER!” epithet was invoked, and, well… here we are. You mention canned clams, you get MONSTER!

amrak63

Thanx.

Saxo the Grammarian

As I recall, it was someone (not a regular) who fancied herself a food purist who railed against using canned clams in a linguine recipe. She was from ***New Orleans***, so you know her food credentials are legit.

I bet Don Jr & Kushner are in their offices trying to figure out how to work the paper shredder right now…

thixotropic jerk

Don The Soon To Be Con: “Can’t we have Ivanky just cut the stuff up with scissors?”
Not So Kushy Anymore: “No, dummy, and we can’t just put everything in a pile and shoot it like you’re on safari with Eric-hole either,”

Nobody is worried about Roger Stone. He’s a bit player who will swept up along with various other hangers on in the mop-up operation. He doesn’t know enough to be offered immunity.

moeman

Did DJTJr. answer the door?

redarmyzombie

No, Mr. Badanov did.

Jeffery Campbell

I expect it was scantily-clad pee-hookers.

SprinklemagicResistancebuns

And where was Natasha, hmmmm?

Doug Langley

Get Smart scene:

“Answer the door, Larabie.”
“Hello, door, what was the question?”

OddMan

As someone wisely stated in the WaPo comments, two big takeaways from this are: It is now a criminal investigation, and Muller had to convince a judge he had probable cause for an early morning raid of a national figure.
The second one is the big one, no judge in hell is going to allow a early morning raid like that without knowing damn well he will now be analyzed to make sure it was all legal. And usually a raid like this takes more planning than one day. Was Mueller ready and waited until Manafort testified or was this last second thing?
Interesting to say the least.

TundraGrifter

I don’t think Mr. Mueller is doing anything at the last second. He’s done all this too many times before. Everything is carefully planned. As I posted earlier, he lay in wait, hunkered down in the sagebrush, just outside the circle of dim light cast by the campfire. He wanted Manafort to testify first. Then Mr. Mueller pounced and Manafort had that cold stab in the gut that the game is all but up. It’s just about time to pee on the fire and call in the dogs.

Canned Covfefe

Not enough pee. Even from the hookers.

AuntyMaude

You really need to write a historical novel after all of the shit has hit all of the fans.

TundraGrifter

This is material for Ward Just, Allen Drury, or one of the other writers of big DC novels. Or even Henry Adams.

Darrell Imaginarian

I like to think it went like this. “Judge, we need a warrant to raid Paul Manafort’s house. Like, a 4 AM raid with a bunch of dogs and guys with tactical armor and battering rams. The fun kind.” “What’s your evidence he committed a crime?” “Here’s a picture of his weasle face. Guilty as shit.” “Granted.”

Lyly Sirivong

This man really looks like Steve Bannon’s long lost cousin.

gratuitous

Paparazzi, instead of the Viper Room, consider staking out the homes of White House officials. Imagine Manafort, standing in his driveway in his bath robe while FBI agents went through his house. What would that photo be worth?

Petunia Cat

Paparazzi? How about the Washington Post doing that? Although if it would fuck up the investigation then I don’t want them to. On the other hand what I really want is for Trump to just resign in the next three hours. 😌🎂🕘

anon_the_great

The smoking, radioactive ruins of Seattle or L.A. sure would distract from any indictment.

Biel_ze_Bubba

Hey, it worked for Dumbya: Start a war, then tell the rubes that they shouldn’t change presidents in the middle of a war.

redblack

meh. here in (206), we’d just see it as a minor traffic impediment.

bluicebank

WaPo: Raid happened right after at Senate intel panel “… Manafort answered questions and provided investigators with notes from a
2016 meeting between Trump campaign officials and Russians …”

You know what this means, right?

It means Jared Kushner will have to revise his security clearance form SF86 for gawd who’s counting. He’ll still be revising that form from jail. The last revision is gonna be found in his will. Unless we can get him to talk from the dead using the Ouija board, in which case that will be definitely the last revision. For reals this time.

Do police have to alert people in public housing that a warrant has been served if the occupants are not present when the search is conducted? I imagine they do, but wouldnt that be wonderful to present Trump with a search of his personal and business area in Trump tower as well as his ‘public housing’ as a fait accompli?

Muller blew through the last red line Trump tried to draw before he could get his pen out. I eagerly await his encore performance.

I can tell just how much the news and all these revelations making things seem longer than they actually are by the fact that it took all day to realize that July 26 was only two weeks ago.

Doug Langley

I understand that the FBI very politely knocked on Manafort’s door to announce their presence. Not the front door, mind you, but the bedroom door. In other words, it was a no-knock warrant which is used to prevent suspects from destroying evidence. Has anyone confirmed?

I am very much against those. How can honest criminals shred the right papers with no warning, I ask you?

Jimh

If Manafort waited until NOW to start destroying evidence, he’s far too stupid for anyone to help him.

Maybe

Perhaps. But he might need the evidence to make a deal. I suspect they have enough on him that a little shredding won’t make his problems go away.

If he has any sense he will have the evidence well hidden.

Maybe

Let alone flush their drugs. And yes, our ‘straight-arrow’ Repubs do partake. They just don’t go to jail for it.

The Librarian

Only one golden ticket, huh? And for the losers, a one way elevator ride to the federal pen or GITMO.

TundraGrifter

If, as I suspect, Manafort has refused the overtures to flip on the folks in the Trump Administration, and on his friends in the East, could he be so arrogant as to thing traipsing up to Capitol Hill was going to get him off the hook and he needn’t bother destroying the incriminating documents?

On the other hand, the FBI could very well have everything they need to take him to court.

Maybe

It might not be arrogance. While destroying evidence is tempting, Manafort may realize that said evidence might be his best bet to make a deal.

So, Mueller’s doing the standard prosecutorial tactic, get anything on a low-level grunt that translates into leverage to flip him for the bigger fish. They do it all the time with drug dealers and the like. The Outrage Machine will be gearing up about how such tactics shouldn’t be allowed in ‘Murica, but the underlying theme will be these tactics shouldn’t be allowed to be used on Rich, White ‘Muricans.

TundraGrifter

I think you are on the right track but I wouldn’t consider Manafort “low-level.” Next up to him is Mr. Trump himself.

The raid could also be tied to his shady dealings in Ukraine. Hacked texts from his daughter’s phone suggest that he had advised then President Yanukovych to brutally crack down on anti-Russian protestors in 2014 that led to a full scale riot and his ousting.