Spoof news stories from Saturday 6 October 2012

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON (ABSNN) - Seattle police confirmed today "the brutal and senseless killings of 219 companion animals" in the past two weeks. The killings were committed by 'Cougars,' but not of the feline, four-legged variety."
Kings County S...

A group of scientists have dismissed feminism as "a simple case of paranoia" and have suggested that women should "calm down and stop worrying their pretty little heads about such things."
The professors, from the University of the Isle of Man, ha...

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Mitt Romney is scrambling in the wake of recent reports that unemployment has fallen to under 8.0% for the first time in four years. He has even resorted to using other countries' news, banking on the fact that most Americans don't...

After divulging Rio Ferdinand's omission from the England squad to a passenger on the tube, Roy Hodgson is expected to name his full 25 man squad on the 19:15 Portsmouth to London, when asked by some guy.
It is thought he may announce the squad be...

It's the opinion of many reputable contributors at Fox News that Muppet related crime is spilling over unto our our streets and something must be done to curb this disturbing trend. Gov. Romney is meeting this challenge contrary to the wishes of man...

In a stunning turnaround of events, a crack entrapment team from St. Louis, equipped with advanced intel and the latest technology, still managed to blow its assignment and was chased out of the Ohio Valley by elements of the Ancient Tribal Power und...

While most people use sun block, umbrellas or a cover-up when going out into the noonday sun, the Duchess of Cambridge decided to go topless and allow the sun rays to give her an even tan.
Good morning sunshine!
Forget the fact that there are t...

RALEIGH, North Carolina - Mitt Romney's Mormon Merriment Presidential Bus Tour stopped off in Raleigh on the way to Winston-Salem, North Carolina.
He told the semi-cheering crowd that he was thrilled to be in Raleigh, the town where the inventor o...

Tom Brady took an interesting approach to the 'old man' of the game, Peyton Manning.
Like some fawning rookie just starting to play in the NFL, Tom took the high road to deliver a low blow. When asked what he thought about Peyton Manning, Brady r...

Mildred Kundalinin Stainless, finally, and after many extradition applications confirmed her name, and place of residence in front of Bolton Crown Court today.
Mz Stainless was defiant in the face of the misconduct, embezzlement, and insurance...

PARIS - Jennifer "La Tush" Lopez, 43, and her boy-toy Caspar Smart, 25, have been having one fantastic time during Fashion Week in Paris.
The two have been spotted holding hands up on the Eiffel Tower, in the Louvre Museum, and at the original Le...

BEVERLY HILLS - The National Chapter of Girl Scouts has just announced that the state of California has just issued a new merit badge that is unique to the Left Coast state.
Arletta L. Miffinbuckley, 61, spokesperson for the California Chapter of...

SAN FRANCISCO - Christina Aguilera, one of the stars on The Voice, flew to San Francisco to perform a one night concert at The Veni, Vedi, Vici Coliseum.
After her performance she spoke backstage with Fajita San Guacamole of Hollywood Innuendo. Sh...