The most painful 2 hours of my life

by melmonica on January 31st, 2013

It gets harder every day. The strength needed to last a whole 8 hours of standing, repetitively doing monotonous work resulting in backache, sore thumb. This job is draining out my soul, my happiness. It absorbs my energy, peculiarly the sensible side of me.

This is my fourth week working in the mussel factory. With Miss Teoh Hui Peng left to tanah air (home country), I am literally bored to death.

Waking up in the morning and cycling to work isn’t so bad. The negativity kicks in within the first hour into the job.

As you all know, I survive on music. It is the one thing that sooth me, the one thing that could spot on depicts my feeling in any situation.

Thank goodness for imagination, these were my mental playlist today.

This is on repeat every single day.

Somehow, this is always up on my mental playlist too.

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First half of the day, I usually occupied myself with lots of thinking.

“OMG why am I enduring this pain, it’s killing me softly.”

“Persevere babe, persevere. Nobody said it’s going to be easy. Nobody said working holiday is like frolicking on cotton candy cloud.”

“Maybe I should try my hands on working in advertising here.”

“Should I work in the Thai restaurant to get more cash? I might be able to get work permit.”

“What about working in the fish factory? They earned $700++ this week.”

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Then I thought about my travel plans to keep myself going. Tentatively, going to start my journey with a trip to Cook Island. Probably for 5 days. Get a visitor visa then back to NZ to travel around north island then south island. I haven’t researched on THE MUST VISIT PLACES.

But one thing’s for sure. I have changed. In a bad way (well, depends on how you look at it)

At 16, bungee jumping is in my bucket list.

At 26, I realized that I might be too chicken to do bungee. So, okay skydiving pun jadilah!

Few days ago, I figured skydiving is so passé. Every backpacker that you meet, he/ she has done/ would skydive. I know NZ is place for extreme sport + gorgeous view = something not to be missed.

But currently, I’m into trekking and would like to try camping. I have never camped in my life before and I think it would be pretty fun! Bonding session with nature. Plus it’s more affordable. They say skydiving is the easiest way to burn your hard-earned money. Just $600+ for that few minutes of thrill.

So maybe. Skydiving is at the bottom of my list for now. I wana spend my money wisely. Travel as much as possible with limited funds. Le sad.

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2nd half of the day – I am my biggest motivator. My own personal cheerleader. Born a Gemini, I am easily bored. I feel like I’m trapped in this recurring nightmare. Daytime nightmare that is.

Time seems to be trolling me. I think it just enjoys watching me suffer. Every time I look at the clock, it’s always 5 minutes, 5 minutes, 5 minutes. Seriously? I feel like I’ve been here for an hour!

Supervisor came over and told us that we need to OT. Prior to that, I just cheered, “1 more hour to freedom!”

Hence, the most painful 2 hours of my life. The excruciating pain is unbearable. It is indescribable. Actually can be described la. Try this.

Step 1: Stand still for 8 hours with 20 minutes break every 2 hours.

Step 2: Eyes on the conveyor belt, hand in a motion.

Please repeat the above for 4 weeks (and counting)

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At times. Most of the time, I questioned why do i even torture myself with this. I have not been living for a long time. I have not explored or learn something new or marvel at something simple yet beautiful for the longest time. Probably since the netball event la. The Asian side of me asked me to persevere and work hard. The Western side of me wants to be free-spirited and let go.

Well, it is a no-brainer on who wins.

Persevere babe, persevere.

And I just agreed to work on Saturday as well. $$ & future plans are what matters.

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I miss Mok & Ozias too. My happy pills. When can I see you and laugh and be silly again 🙁

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Andddddddddd to end this absolutely wordy blogpost, an announcement!

My cellphone is officially dunzo. It’s been 48 hours since it’s death. Why? Because the touch screen sensor doesn’t work. So practically I can’t unlock my phone/ text/ whatsapp/ call/ NOT EVEN TO SWITCH OFF THE ANNOYING ALARM. Thus, I put it to sleep since i can still online with my laptop.

It’s amazing how I’m only announcing it here on my blog. Not even a rant/ attention seeking statement on Twitter or Facebook. Amazing that I didn’t run around like a headless chicken. I didn’t freak out. Just felt sad cos it just surpassed its 1-year-old birthday. The bf thinks he can fix it but i gotta get the spare part. Well, my cellphone is not something I want to deal now. I have lots of shit going through my mind.

Sometimes I wonder how did I turn my working holiday into slaving for money?

How did it become so messed up?

What did I do to deserve it?

The other day I was self-evaluating all the major decisions that I made over the years. Though, it was painful but I am so thankful that I did what I had to do. That’s cuz, I’m at the happiest with you. And that I’m here, in NZ. Living my backpacking dream.

Thennnn….. something, someone had to crumple it up and toss it away.

I hate quitters. I hate it when you don’t try hard enough. I hate it when you complicate things when I am the most easy going girl you’ll ever meet in your entire life. Plus, I’m a non-judgmental person which is already so good lor!!!

Sigh, sometimes I feel like shaking you up and just ask you to chill.

But i guess, language barrier, stubbornness, unwilling to learn and see the beauty in the differences overpower the sincerity of a beautiful love.

Yes, I’m having that trouble in paradise thing.

Whatevs. As of now, I’m just going to make the best out of this misery.