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Superman: Earth One Vol. 3
The follow-up to the NEW YORK TIMES #1 bestselling graphic novels SUPERMAN: EARTH ONE VOL. 1 and 2 is here! Written by J. Michael Straczynski with art by Ardian Syaf, SUPERMAN: EARTH ONE VOL. 3 follows a young Clark Kent as he continues his journey toward becoming the World's Greatest Super Hero.

CALENDAR

Noteworthy Superman dates to remember...
March 31: In 1959, Action #252 introduces us to Superman's cousin, Supergirl.
March 31: Marc McClure, Jimmy Olsen in the Christopher Reeve Superman movies, born in San Mateo, California in 1957.
April 1: Annette O'Toole, Lana Lang in Superman III and Martha Kent in Smallville, born in Houston, TX in 1954.
April 1: Sam Huntington, Jimmy Olsen in Superman Returns, born in Peterborough, New Hampshire in 1982.
April 1: Traditionally recognized as the birthday of Mr. Mxyzptlk, the Imp from the 5th dimension.
April 2: Christopher Meloni, Colonel Nathan Hardy in the 2013 Man of Steel movie, born in Washington, District of Columbia in 1961.
April 3: Marlon Brando, Jor-El in Superman: The Movie, born in Omaha, Nebraska in 1924.
April 7: Russell Crowe, Jor-El in the 2013 Man of Steel movie, born in Wellington, New Zealand in 1964.
April 8: Jack O'Halloran, Non in Superman: The Movie and Superman II, born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania in 1943.
April 8: John Schneider, Jonathan Kent in Smallville, born in Mount Kisco, NY in 1960.
April 14: John Shea, Lex Luthor in Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman TV series, born in 1949.
April 14: Mark Pillow, Nuclear Man in Superman IV, born in Leeds, West Yorkshire, England in 1959.
April 16: Joan Alexander, best known as Lois Lane from the 1940s Superman Radio Series, born in Louise Abras in St. Paul, Minneapolis in 1915.
April 18: DC Comics Super Hero World Record Event
April 18: Action Comics #1, Superman's debut comic book, was released on this day in 1938 (although some argue it was actually May 3).
April 22: Cassidy Freeman, Tess Mercer in the Smallville TV series, born in Chicago, Illinois, in 1982.
April 23: Kal Penn, Stanford in Superman Returns, born in Montclair, New Jersey in 1977.
April 24: Stacy Haiduk, Lana Lang in the Superboy TV series, born in Grand Rapids, Michigan in 1968.
April 26: Tom Welling, Clark Kent in Smallville, born in New York, NY in 1977.
April 29: Sam Jones III, Pete Ross in Smallville, born in Boston, MA in 1983.
April 29: Lane Smith, Perry White in Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman TV series, born in Memphis, Tennessee, in 1936.

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"Hey, I just saw The Hangover. Man that was awesome! Hey, what if we have an episode where everybody gets drunk at Clark's bachelor party!"

"Superman can't get drunk."

"Oh. Zatanna puts a spell on his champagne!"

"YORE A JEENYUS!"

Lol, the scary part is, i think this might be remarkably close to what actually happened. In fact, i suspect this is probably remarkably close to what happens every week.

Lex Vader wrote:
And Mac, I expected to maybe not be too critical of this because I knew they weren't taking it seriously. But I don't have expectations for ANY of the episodes, so that doesn't work.

Yeah, but you think every episode sucks. It's like clock-work.

Lex Vader wrote:
I've avoided spoilers for a lot of this season since I don't see the previews. But that doesn't stop them from being terrible. And you know what? The excuse still wouldn't fly, because they DID take it seriously in several scenes, and tried to use the episode to solidify a bunch of relationships. Solid like what I flush down the toilet.

I can't argue that there was some shipping, but they were the only serious parts in the episode. The rest was clearly all made in fun.
As i said, i think if you were disappointed with this episode, you probably did have expectations. You can't be disappointed if you don't expect anything. I just took what i watched for what it was....a bit of fun. Critically, the episode could be torn to shreds. Taking away that critical view point though, this episode wasn't too bad.

Lex Vader wrote:
I'm glad you feel a burden was lifted, but that means we'll see nothing stupid or funny in the rest of the season. Right? I'm holding you to that.

Oh God, don't hold me to that. I just said i hoped that's how it would play out....that doesn't by any stretch mean that's how it is going to play out.

Lex Vader wrote:
Fair is fair. Let's start with the pros. The lemur was awesome. The signs and Clark running into the wall were funny. Some of the videotape was amusing. That's it.

The Lemur was absolutely awesome. I got a good laugh out of that, it was extremely funny. As was Clark running into that wall....i actually did laugh out loud. The only thing that would have been funnier is if he was flying (if he could fly at this point), and he flew straight into a building. Lol.
The video tape was also quite funny....mostly because it was so true to life. The actors did a sensational job of playing drunk and hung-over. Thank God we didn't see Tess and Emil do the hibbity dibbity though.

Lex Vader wrote:
Now the rest. Zatanna. She needs to be murdered. It's not okay just because she magically strengthened Lois and Clark's relationships. Seeing as how Clark still had his powers, this was the MOST DANGEROUS THING ANYONE IN THE WORLD COULD POSSIBLY EVER DO. Even on red K, Clark's judgment isn't TOTALLY impaired. Only his inhibitions are gone. But here, his inhibitions are gone AND his judgment is impaired, AND he can't properly control himself. If he had the strength of Superman in the Silver Age, he could have DESTROYED THE PLANET. But that's okay. Zatanna exists in offscreenland, so she gets a free pass.

That's the part that annoys me. Everyone just seemed to say, "Oh that crazy Zatanna, she's a barrel of laughs!" When really, they should all be furious. Clark could have done some serious damage. As you have pointed out, he's bad enough on red k, but magic is ten times worse.
Still, it did provide some funny moments, eg. Clark running into the wall. I seriously think they just wanted to do an episode with Superman drunk. I enjoyed it though. I'm so conflicted about this episode, lol.

Lex Vader wrote:
And oh yeah, of course you can get t-shirts printed up and sold overnight. You get them down at Beer Goggles, the bad decision store, next to the strip club.

Again, this is what i'm talking about. If one were to look at this episode critically, of course it falls apart instantly. That's why i think it's important that they clearly established this was just a fun episode - because then you have to take these things out of the equation. It was genuinely silly, but that's what they were going for.

Lex Vader wrote:
The Elvis song that's actually a song by a band nobody's ever heard of called Swank. That was insulting to Elvis fans. And people who like music.

I dunno, i just thought Emil and Tess were reminiscent of Johnnie Cash and June Carter more than anything. I surely can't be the only one who thought this? Emil sang exactly like him, and Tess was even dressed like June and also sung identically to her.
One thing is for certain though, Emil was nothing like Elvis, even though this is who he was dressed up as.

Lex Vader wrote:
The complete lack of actual cops.

Oh there were cops, but they were fake cops. Yeah i know, it's one of those things that falls apart under the magnifying glass, but that's why you have to put that away for this episode. Not that it should get a free pass, but you just have to be in a different mind-set when reviewing this one.

Lex Vader wrote:
The hobo. The whole episode hinges on neither Lois nor Oliver at any point suspecting that maybe a hobo stole their cellphones and Lois' engagement ring, despite the fact that one steals her shoes.

She pulled a casino chip out her bra, remember? That's why they suspected foul play at the Fortune Casino.

Lex Vader wrote:
What's with the sleazy stripper version of a limo driver who LOOKS LIKE Zatanna? Why?

I'm glad i wasn't the only one who thought this. I didn't mention it in my review, but you're right, she did look a lot like Zatanna.

Lex Vader wrote:
The plot of the casino owner (BTW those are illegal in Kansas)

Really? Why? Casino's are awesome.

Lex Vader wrote:
having his own money stolen from an armored car so he can get insurance money and keep the money too. Come on. That's just stupid.

No, it's not stupid - it's crooked. He pretends his money is stolen, he gets it back on insurance, and doubles his money because it was never actually stolen in the first place. It does make sense. It's all sleight of hand.

Lex Vader wrote:
Even if gambling were legal, casino owners don't have to act like cartoon mobsters. They make TONS of money and they have the law on their side. There's no reason for a casino owner to be crooked and pulling scams.

That's a slightly fairer point, although i doubt very much that somebody crooked enough to pull the scam in the first place would give a fig about the law. One could argue that he likes taking risks, which does fit in with his owning of a casino.

Lex Vader wrote:
Lois betting her engagement ring is retarded. The piece of crap that Clark could afford wouldn't even be welcome on a poker table. It's not like Oliver bought it.

Yeah but it's sentimental value is through the roof, lol. And you never know, Clark might have saved away his money for a long time to buy Lois a nice ring. I think to say otherwise isn't giving him enough credit.

Lex Vader wrote:
Oliver Queen being useless without his weapons has to be a huge insult to the character. I don't particularly care, but he did look like a weak pathetic loser and not a superhero.

Now this i agree with. Although they did show him using some wit to free him and Lois, but it would have been nice to see him do something a little more heroic, even without his garb. In the end, Chloe kicked more butt than he did.

Lex Vader wrote:
Chloe is a sharp shooter too. So when does little miss perfect pull off the mask and tell her new husband that she's really Lana Lang?

Don't even joke about that. I don't ever want to see Lana Lang on this show again. Ever. ....EVER.

Lex Vader wrote:
Emil. Just everything with Emil. He needs to die in a fire.....Oh, his wife died? Oh, what an interesting two-second backstory.

You're a hard man to please, Lex. Surely you had some sympathy for him when he was speaking about the death of his spouse?

Lex Vader wrote:
Emil's slow-motion scream. Um... why did THAT need to be in slow motion?

For effect, duh! Nah it was because they were doing a Clark bullet-time sequence and thus his scream had to be slow-motion as well, otherwise it would have looked hinky.

Lex Vader wrote:
Oh yeah, we gotta address this crap - Clark not wearing glasses in public. Or his costume during a save. Wow, that lasted a long time, huh?

Whilst i essentially agree, in Clark's defense, he was under a spell/drunk.

How could you not? I agree that at least on the part of "billionaire with high tech toys" she could have been talking about Ollie, but they all know Ollie, so that would be stupid. She was very clearly talking about Batman. She also even said, "a wondrous woman". It was a gimme.
The ironic thing is, i thought you were going to have a go at them for making the reference too obvious. Lol.

Lex Vader wrote:
Chloe having "travelled the world," though? No, she didn't. No. She at no point travelled the world. She never even left the country. She was gone a couple months working for the Suicide Squad. You can't suddenly decide that she travelled the world instead. One bullsh*t excuse at a time.

Yeah i touched on this in my review too. I totally agree with you on that.

Lex Vader wrote:
And basically, the whole "drinking is okay as long as it's funny" message is a crap in the face to Superman, fans, kids, lemurs, small bits of paper, and the general concept of existence. Yes, I said crap in the face. This is why you don't give the Superman license to IDIOTS who do whatever the hell they want with no regard for the character or consequences.

Well i can't really argue with that. The only thing i could say, is that at least they made it very clearly that they weren't just drunk, they were under a spell also. Not that being under a spell excuses their behaviour in any way, but it does help.

Lex Vader wrote:
Probably the worst thing about the episode was realizing this is the entire cast. Really. That was it.

I was tempted to touch on this. It did make it very obvious that they were missing John, Victor, AC, and Dinah. Hopefully they'll all be seen again either before or during the finale.

Lex Vader wrote:
But it does make me glad this show is ending. I need to go pitch my "Magic Movie Ticket" series idea to the CW. Nah, ABC.

But what are we going to do week after week when this show is over? Our reviewing days will be over!

Lex Vader wrote:
-5 out of 0 stars, 0 being the most the show is capable of.

*sigh* Okay, 1 out of 5 for the lemur. But ONLY for the lemur. I am giving the star directly to the lemur. Smallville does not get a star. Not even for attendance.

Yeah, it was the greatest entertainment the Earth has ever seen... you know, as long as you don't look at it critically.

Thank God we didn't see Tess and Emil do the hibbity dibbity though.

They made me THINK of things far worse than they could ever show, and that's just as bad.

I seriously think they just wanted to do an episode with Superman drunk.

Really? I thought it was a scathing commentary on greed and excess in America.

It was genuinely silly, but that's what they were going for.

You can be silly without breaking the rules of time and space. You can't be surreal in a show that features "realism."

Emil sang exactly like him

But that was the original recording of Swank, who sound nothing like Elvis. They made him DRESS like Elvis and he was talking like Elvis. There are plenty of bands who rip off Elvis. This was fail.

you just have to be in a different mind-set when reviewing this one.

Sorry, I don't drink. Superman is my role model. Oh wait, I mean I drink all the time as long as it's funny. Because Superman is my role model. Also, I practice the black arts, because it's cool. And I destroy buildings on their grand openings.

No, it's not stupid - it's crooked.

It was on videotape and it would have looked suspicious anyway. I'm sure they investigate insurance claims heavily. And if this is a character obsessed with luck, he wouldn't have tried to get his money back. That's luck!

And you never know, Clark might have saved away his money for a long time to buy Lois a nice ring. I think to say otherwise isn't giving him enough credit.

It's silver and it looks like it was recycled from tin cans. If it was valuable, it would be gold.

Surely you had some sympathy for him when he was speaking about the death of his spouse?

Yep, I totally felt for him and forgot how shallow and pointless he was for the past two years. Right up until he shagged the show bicycle. But then I remembered what a deeply written character she is, what with the... father and the... Lionel and... Granny Goodness... and um... she can survive 1,000 foot drops. And now I'm pitching a sitcom where Tess and Emil are roommates.

As i said, i think if you were disappointed with this episode, you probably did have expectations.

I wasn't disappointed. I expected it to suck.

Well that's a hard position to argue against. Taste is such a subjective thing. I guess i just didn't mind the silliness as much because that's what they clearly established it would be. I didn't expect great things from this episode.
As i said before, it wasn't epic, nor was it an epic failure. It just was.

Yeah, it was the greatest entertainment the Earth has ever seen... you know, as long as you don't look at it critically.

Lol, i know it seems like i've taken a soft position, but i think you have to cut them some slack. They're in their final year. They're on the run to the finale. They have a lot of material to get through, and not a whole lot of remaining episodes to do so. They needed to send off Chloe. I think they just wanted to do one last-ditch fun episode before they have to get all serious, and send off a character who's been there since the start on a positive note, instead of a negative one.
It's arguable that we shouldn't be getting filler this close to the finale, but i think that argument can go either way. As long as EVERY episode from here is all plot building, forwards momentum sort of stuff, i don't mind one last episode that's fun to watch.
However, and this is a big however....if we continue to get filler, that's going to change my position on this episode. If we continue to get filler, it's going to be very clear that this wasn't just a final bit of fun, but rather that they're just biding their time until the finale. If that is the case, my rating on this episode is going to drop sharply.
As i said, i'm conflicted.

Lex Vader wrote:

Thank God we didn't see Tess and Emil do the hibbity dibbity though.

They made me THINK of things far worse than they could ever show, and that's just as bad.

You may have a point there.

Lex Vader wrote:

I seriously think they just wanted to do an episode with Superman drunk.

Really? I thought it was a scathing commentary on greed and excess in America.

Wow, that was a rather biting comment, lol. I think you know what i meant though. They wanted to show what Clark would be like if he was able to affected by alcohol, as we all have been at one stage or another. It makes the episode easy to relate to, because i defy you to find a person above 18 years of age (that's our legal drinking age) who hasn't been drunk at some stage in their life.
They wanted to show what it would be like if Clark was brought down to our level, and was completely uninhibited and judgement impaired, as we all are when under the influence. I thought it was entertaining, but as i said - it had better be a once off.

Lex Vader wrote:

It was genuinely silly, but that's what they were going for.

You can be silly without breaking the rules of time and space. You can't be surreal in a show that features "realism."

Give me examples of how they broke the rules of time and space. Whilst it was silly, it wasn't outlandish. It was just a drunken night out taken to a heightened level because of Clark's super-powers.

Lex Vader wrote:

Emil sang exactly like him

But that was the original recording of Swank, who sound nothing like Elvis. They made him DRESS like Elvis and he was talking like Elvis. There are plenty of bands who rip off Elvis. This was fail.

Fair enough. I'd say we compromise. He was dressed as Elvis, ripping off Swank, and singing like Johnnie Cash. Fair call?

Lex Vader wrote:

you just have to be in a different mind-set when reviewing this one.

Sorry, I don't drink. Superman is my role model. Oh wait, I mean I drink all the time as long as it's funny. Because Superman is my role model. Also, I practice the black arts, because it's cool. And I destroy buildings on their grand openings.

You're going to tell me you've never been drunk before? Never done anything you regret because of the influence of alcohol? Never made a fool of yourself, or acted like a juvenile twit because of alcohol? We've all been there, and now Superman has too. Was this a good decision? Well, again, that comes down to taste. For me, i thought it was good to see somebody with God-like abilities brought down to our level.
Having said that, he shouldn't have stolen the armoured truck. I thought that was unnecessary, and maybe a bad judgement call on behalf of the writer's.

Lex Vader wrote:

No, it's not stupid - it's crooked.

It was on videotape and it would have looked suspicious anyway. I'm sure they investigate insurance claims heavily. And if this is a character obsessed with luck, he wouldn't have tried to get his money back. That's luck!

I think his instincts as a casino owner, and not wanting to lose his money, would take precedence. I understand where you're coming from though, but they clearly established that Fortune doesn't give a fig about the law or going through the proper channels. He likes taking things into his own hands, as he did with Emil. I don't think he's going to care about being investigated. He'd try his luck and take the gamble.

Lex Vader wrote:

And you never know, Clark might have saved away his money for a long time to buy Lois a nice ring. I think to say otherwise isn't giving him enough credit.

It's silver and it looks like it was recycled from tin cans. If it was valuable, it would be gold.

Did you ever think that silver might actually be white gold? Because white gold is quite expensive.

Lex Vader wrote:

Surely you had some sympathy for him when he was speaking about the death of his spouse?

Yep, I totally felt for him and forgot how shallow and pointless he was for the past two years. Right up until he shagged the show bicycle. But then I remembered what a deeply written character she is, what with the... father and the... Lionel and... Granny Goodness... and um... she can survive 1,000 foot drops. And now I'm pitching a sitcom where Tess and Emil are roommates.

Lol, show bicycle. That's probably being a bit harsh, but i know what you mean. As a general rule, Tess has been whatever this show has needed her to be. Still, when you think about it, Emil has been somewhat the same.
Given that they both play similar roles in supporting the heroes, this was actually, for once, probably a good ship to give us.
I take your point though that Emil has been useless....but i would say he's been used as whatever they have needed him to be.

Lex Vader wrote:

in Clark's defense, he was under a spell/drunk.

He wasn't drunk when he woke up with Chloe. No excuse.

I think the spinning room and the running into a wall would count as points against your argument here. But i guess, yes, technically he was hungover, not drunk - so maybe, just maybe, he might have thought to put his glasses on and such.
But again, i don't know about you, but i'm not exactly firing on all cylinders when i've got a massive hangover. Usually, it's all i can do just to function. I certainly wouldn't be thinking about fashion. I really do think you have to cut him some slack this week.
Yes, if he continues not to wear his disguise with the glasses, dorky haircut, and acting like a bumbling nerd, then you will have a point.

But as i said last week, his disguise is beyond pointless. Everybody who's ever bought the Daily Planet has seen him without glasses on. Every cop who's been at a crime scene with him has seen him without the glasses. Everybody he knows has seen him without the glasses. It's way too late to think he can just slap on a pair of specs and make everybody think he's someone else entirely.
The disguise is thin enough as it is, and that's in the established mythos - but for Smallville, it's ten years too little too late.

I guess i just didn't mind the silliness as much because that's what they clearly established it would be.

They established that the writing will always suck, that doesn't mean you shouldn't mind it.

They needed to send off Chloe. I think they just wanted to do one last-ditch fun episode before they have to get all serious, and send off a character who's been there since the start on a positive note, instead of a negative one.

They were supposed to have her jump in front of a truck to save Oliver. That's what they were supposed to do.

I thought it was entertaining, but as i said - it had better be a once off.

It was the kind of entertaining that makes your soul feel dirty.

Give me examples of how they broke the rules of time and space.

Well, for one thing, Clark was impaired when he was only hungover, but he was able to carry an entire armored car safely to his barn while he was drunk. Time law says cause and effect don't happen randomly.

You're going to tell me you've never been drunk before? Never done anything you regret because of the influence of alcohol? Never made a fool of yourself, or acted like a juvenile twit because of alcohol?

No, I'm not going to tell you that. I already did.

We've all been there, and now Superman has too.

Oh you know what though? On planet Earth, you tell stories about getting drunk as a lesson in responsibility. CLARK WAS DRUGGED AGAINST HIS WILL. He might as well have been attacked by Captain Alcoholism, the evil despot of the Lush galaxy. That completely misses the point, like so many PSA comics. Except they ONLY did it because they thought it was funny.

For me, i thought it was good to see somebody with God-like abilities brought down to our level.

Unfortunately, that intention would have been literary ignorance on Smallville's part. Greek Gods were always portrayed as having human flaws, and were often drunk. It's only badly written Superman stories that have a godlike character acting perfect all the time. And on Smallville, that has never been a problem.

Did you ever think that silver might actually be white gold? Because white gold is quite expensive.

I think Clark made it himself, like in Superman III. Except he made it out of bean cans and broken glass that he stole off a hobo he beat up while he was drunk this one time because a witch cursed him.

this was actually, for once, probably a good ship to give us.

I'm going to pretend you never said anything like that. You can't ship a character with a PROP. That's illegal. It's called tooliality. Emil has never had any character whatsoever. Tess has like ten backstories. Just because her role keeps changing and Emil is used as a piece of equipment doesn't make them a good match. Otherwise, Jimmy and Davis were a match made in Heaven.

Yes, if he continues not to wear his disguise with the glasses, dorky haircut, and acting like a bumbling nerd, then you will have a point.

They can't have this happen offscreen like with his "patrols." But I wouldn't expect them to realize that.

It was a bad, boring episode that made seven characters look stupid. Eight if you count the casino owner risking his legitimate business without trying to cover up his kidnappings at all. Clark looked stupid for being even LESS like a superhero. Lois looked stupid for betting her engagement ring on "a sure thing," which apparently she is A-okay with, drunk or not. Oliver looked stupid for having no abilities outside his weapons. Tess and Emil looked stupid because they are. Also, gross. Zatanna looked stupid and she wasn't even in the episode. But how else can you get so many characters acting out of character? Chloe looked stupid for skipping town again and moving to Oliver's home town, despite making it easy for him to ask Clark where she went. And also for that being entirely arbitrary. And also for not attending Clark & Lois' wedding. Um, yeah. What a great friend! Why? Why skip their wedding to move to a town she's never been to at this exact moment? No reason.

The only one who didn't look stupid was the lemur. Although the casino owner looked stupid for leaving his prized exotic pet in an armored car that he was having stolen. Was the lemur insured? He should be. Because he's that awesome. And worth more than this whole show.

If three JOKES are the only good part of an episode, that's about as low as it gets. Usually an episode at least has one good effect or stunt. This didn't. Also, they ended on Chloe and Oliver again... and without mentioning his Omega skull. THAT is lame.

I guess i just didn't mind the silliness as much because that's what they clearly established it would be.

They established that the writing will always suck, that doesn't mean you shouldn't mind it.

I guess i'm a glass half full kind of guy. Just because the writing has sucked, that doesn't mean it will continue to suck. I have hope that this show can close out on a good note, and maybe even blow our minds. We've seen in the past with episodes like "Homecoming" that they can write a Superman show well. I remain positive that the finale will be epic....i think, lol.

Lex Vader wrote:

They needed to send off Chloe. I think they just wanted to do one last-ditch fun episode before they have to get all serious, and send off a character who's been there since the start on a positive note, instead of a negative one.

They were supposed to have her jump in front of a truck to save Oliver. That's what they were supposed to do.

Lol, of course. How silly of me! But seriously, i'm just glad we won't have to see her again, she's grown to be quite annoying. Maybe this show can get back on track now.

Lex Vader wrote:

I thought it was entertaining, but as i said - it had better be a once off.

It was the kind of entertaining that makes your soul feel dirty.

I'm starting to see why you feel this way, but more on that later.

Lex Vader wrote:

Give me examples of how they broke the rules of time and space.

Well, for one thing, Clark was impaired when he was only hungover, but he was able to carry an entire armored car safely to his barn while he was drunk. Time law says cause and effect don't happen randomly.

Actually, that's a fair point. I hadn't considered that. But....did you ever consider that they didn't show us how easy it was for Clark to do this? He well could have stumbled and dropped it many times, and likely did.
As i said though, i don't think it should have happened in the first place.

Lex Vader wrote:

You're going to tell me you've never been drunk before? Never done anything you regret because of the influence of alcohol? Never made a fool of yourself, or acted like a juvenile twit because of alcohol?

No, I'm not going to tell you that. I already did.

Oh wow, you weren't joking when you said you don't drink because Superman is your role model? I'm sorry man, really. I thought you were trying to have a lend of me and you were being facetious. If you don't drink, and you've never been drunk, and you chose that lifestyle because Superman is your role model, then i can see how this entire episode was basically one big affront to you.
Drinking is almost a rite of passage for Australian men, lol.

But, maybe you should try and put yourself in the shoes of those that do drink. For us, it was relatable, in a heightened sort of way. For those of us that do drink; i would say there are a large portion of us who have done something stupid, or irresponsible, or reckless (or all of the above), whilst under the influence, and as such, i think it's fair to say the most of us had a bit of a laugh along with this episode.

But if you've never actually been drunk, i can see how you wouldn't relate. Furthermore, to have your role model get drunk and steal an armoured car....that must have just been plain insulting. But look at it this way dude, he didn't purposely get drunk. His becoming inebriated and acting irresponsibly was the result of a spell that he inadvertently took part in but effectively did so against his will. Had he realized there was a spell on the champagne, of course he wouldn't have had any. I don't think your role model has been tarnished, he was just a victim of a stupid prank.

Lex Vader wrote:

We've all been there, and now Superman has too.

Oh you know what though? On planet Earth, you tell stories about getting drunk as a lesson in responsibility. CLARK WAS DRUGGED AGAINST HIS WILL. He might as well have been attacked by Captain Alcoholism, the evil despot of the Lush galaxy. That completely misses the point, like so many PSA comics. Except they ONLY did it because they thought it was funny.

I must admit, i think they let Zatanna off the hook far too easily. Putting a spell on somebody who has God-like powers is asking for trouble, and Zatanna did so purely to cause said trouble - which she pretty much does every time she's used as a plot device. It would be nice to see Clark put her back in her place, even just once. Every time she does something like this, everyone just says, "Oh that crazy Zatanna, what will she think of next?" It annoys me. I can imagine how much it would annoy you.
Also, i don't think getting drunk once in your lifetime makes you a lush either, but at least i know where you're coming from now - but maybe you need to cut our hero some slack. He was a victim, as you readily point out.

Lex Vader wrote:

For me, i thought it was good to see somebody with God-like abilities brought down to our level.

Unfortunately, that intention would have been literary ignorance on Smallville's part. Greek Gods were always portrayed as having human flaws, and were often drunk. It's only badly written Superman stories that have a godlike character acting perfect all the time. And on Smallville, that has never been a problem.

I think you're just coming at this episode from a completely different place to me. I really don't know what i could say to really defend it to you.

Lex Vader wrote:

Did you ever think that silver might actually be white gold? Because white gold is quite expensive.

I think Clark made it himself, like in Superman III. Except he made it out of bean cans and broken glass that he stole off a hobo he beat up while he was drunk this one time because a witch cursed him.

Lol. You think, but you don't KNOW. For me, i like to think it was white gold that Clark bought to spoil the love of his love.

Lex Vader wrote:

this was actually, for once, probably a good ship to give us.

I'm going to pretend you never said anything like that. You can't ship a character with a PROP.

They didn't. The shipped a prop with a prop. They're a matching pair.

Lex Vader wrote:

Yes, if he continues not to wear his disguise with the glasses, dorky haircut, and acting like a bumbling nerd, then you will have a point.

They can't have this happen offscreen like with his "patrols." But I wouldn't expect them to realize that.

I think you're missing the point that it's pointless fan service at this point anyway. Even if they show it every episode (and they really do have to), it's still fundamentally stupid because of their ten years of him not wearing the glasses and trying to blend in. It's a catch 22. They need to show it for several reasons, but it's stupid and pointless and will appear so. But that's their own fault.

Lex Vader wrote:
It was a bad, boring episode that made seven characters look stupid.

I'd debate that, but again, i think you're seeing it that way because of your self prohibition.

Lex Vader wrote:
Eight if you count the casino owner risking his legitimate business without trying to cover up his kidnappings at all.

Right, because we all know nobody involved in gambling is crooked at all, right?

Lex Vader wrote:
Clark looked stupid for being even LESS like a superhero.

They were the only ship remaining to be shipped. It was going to be done one way or another.

Lex Vader wrote:
Zatanna looked stupid and she wasn't even in the episode.

No, the writer's looked stupid for not including her in the episode beyond her giving them a gift from afar. Btw, how did she get it there? Again, don't look at it critically, it falls apart.

Lex Vader wrote:
But how else can you get so many characters acting out of character? Chloe looked stupid for skipping town again and moving to Oliver's home town, despite making it easy for him to ask Clark where she went. And also for that being entirely arbitrary. And also for not attending Clark & Lois' wedding. Um, yeah. What a great friend! Why? Why skip their wedding to move to a town she's never been to at this exact moment? No reason.

I thought you'd be happy to see the back of her, whichever way they went about it.

Lex Vader wrote:
The only one who didn't look stupid was the lemur. Although the casino owner looked stupid for leaving his prized exotic pet in an armored car that he was having stolen. Was the lemur insured? He should be. Because he's that awesome. And worth more than this whole show.

Lol, the Lemur was friggin' awesome, for sure. We need to see more of him!

Lex Vader wrote:
If three JOKES are the only good part of an episode, that's about as low as it gets. Usually an episode at least has one good effect or stunt. This didn't.

Yeah, i would have liked to have seen one big stunt. Even the bullet-time sequence was pretty lame, because we didn't really see anything. They slowed it all down for no reason at all.

Lex Vader wrote:
and without mentioning his Omega skull. THAT is lame.

Yeah, that'd better come to the fore in some way or i will totally agree with you.

We've seen in the past with episodes like "Homecoming" that they can write a Superman show well.

Come on, man. That super-tornado effect was terrible. And it didn't make sense to boot. Now, I will admit, that the helicopter save is probably one of my favorite Smallville moments. To be honest, that looked really good, and I don't even know how they did it. But at the same time, it was just them ripping off the movie, and they didn't explain why the helicopter was falling off the roof in the first place. Add to that the fact that Lois said she was driving to see the mayor and you have a bunch of stuff that looks cool but makes no sense. No, I don't think they could write a Superman show well.

Oh wow, you weren't joking when you said you don't drink because Superman is your role model?

Yeah, I was joking about the role model bit. But Superman is one of the only heroes who can still be a good role model, and here's this stupid show taking that away from him because they always want to write something OTHER than Superman. I mean how many times have they ripped off a Superman movie and how many times have they ripped off unrelated movies? It's one thing to have a vision like Bryan Singer did, but it's another to make Superman a comedic drunk just because they feel like it. Although, this is the show that made Santa Claus a drunk, so if it wasn't obvious they worship Satan already, this just sealed the deal.

We haven't addressed that they were probably just ripping off Superman III, but it's a fair comparison. And as a comparison, the precedent doesn't mean as much as the fact that, honestly, most of that movie was well written, especially the Bizarro part. And that showed that drinking has CONSEQUENCES, which most TV shows also bother to explain when they handle this kind of topic. For a show that used to be a teen drama, this was done in the poorest way. That's much worse than just bad, stupid, lazy writing. This is RAO Towers bad. And at least they had Clark regret that (after fan backlash).

But, maybe you should try and put yourself in the shoes of those that do drink. For us, it was relatable, in a heightened sort of way.

Even if you were the biggest fan of drinking in the world, they STILL wrote it stupidly. Six people can't get all-night wasted on one bottle of champagne. And it's one thing for Clark to have to be cursed by magic, but they couldn't even come up with a logical scenario where everybody got a little too tipsy during their bachelor and bachelorette parties. That says to me the Smallville writers have as much social life as I do, and find it easier to steal from dumb movies tied in with the Vegas lifestyle.

Besides, it's so infantile to suggest that Clark needs alcohol to have a good time EVEN at his bachelor party (which consisted of... uh, nothing). I would rather see some of the other characters get drunk and have it be a night for Clark to remember because he has to keep a leash on them and also be fighting crime while pretending to have a good time. And it wouldn't be that he DIDN'T have a good time, just that the most important things to him are Lois and truth-justice. They could have used the event to say so much about his character, but instead made him into a clown. This would even have been more acceptable in any other episode. But this had to be his one and only bachelor party? It would have been made so much better if he swore off alcohol because he'd already drank magic champagne in a past episode but ended up getting into lots of trouble anyway.

Even the fact that they never THOUGHT of this before is pathetic. This episode should have been done YEARS ago, before he was 21, back when his parents would lecture him about responsibility. But here, they did the worst thing you could do. They took that responsibility away from Clark, making the whole thing pointless. They couldn't even follow a stereotypical anti-alcohol TV formula. I mean, wow. That really is why Smallville is so bad. Not because it's formulaic. But because the writers are actually not even good enough to stick to lame formulas. I mean that's SAD. That's like being so uncreative that starting a book with "It was a dark and stormy night" is too good an idea for you to have ever thought of. Ugh. I can't take it anymore.

Right, because we all know nobody involved in gambling is crooked at all, right?

Whether you're CROOKED or not doesn't give you an excuse for why two people were last seen being dragged into your back room before their bodies were fished out of the river. Even WITHOUT the armored car theft, it would still look like Lois came in wanting her ring back and the owner had her killed. And the fact of the matter is that the actions of a low-life thug shouldn't be the same as a businessman smart enough to open a casino where he is guaranteed to make money without any risk or crime needed. If Superman caught a guy like this and chastized him for being a crook out of sheer greed, I wouldn't have too much of a problem. But when they write him stupid and DON'T point it out and he doesn't even get CAUGHT, then it's a writing problem.

Like I said, I did laugh, but the three best jokes were at the very beginning. But it was all pointless and poorly handled. Nobody learned a lesson, except for the Clois crap they shoehorned in there. Wow, fine line between being understanding and basically telling Lois that she can leave if she wants to. And that would be more apropos if the DirecTV description of "Lois loses her engagement ring" was the whole episode. But instead, it was all a bunch of terrible comedy in an awkward style at the expense of the characters that couldn't have happened under any normal circumstance. Even if the POINT of the episode was jokes, the episode didn't have to BE a joke. And this is the biggest shark-jumping monkeybomb in the history of the show. Full on personality switch for the show and way worse than Spell, Thirst or Rabid. I mean cripes, man. If you want to call it a guilty pleasure, fine. But at least those other episodes had Clark fighting classic monsters. This had Clark fighting morning-after memory loss. THAT is pretty freakin' weak. And even that could have been written with a better b-story or a-story, just as Chloe leaving could have been written into a more relevant episode.

baalroo
for the record: Kansas does have casinos

Hmm, that's interesting, but I don't think that coincidence has anything to do with them wanting to put a casino in Metropolis. They didn't even really acknowledge the fact that Metropolis is in Kansas and that the body of water for its "port" is actually a river until the satellite visual effects in "Masquerade," which you have to freeze-frame to even see. Besides, this tiny place in Metropolis doesn't look like a resort. And it's neither Native American nor state-run. So if there was one privately owned casino, there'd be people wanting to set up dozens of casinos. There's no genuine logic to it being there. They just wanted a casino in "Roulette," and they wanted one in "Fortune," so they threw them in there. At least the one in Roulette, as I recall, was supposed to be illegal. Here, they didn't even bother.

We've seen in the past with episodes like "Homecoming" that they can write a Superman show well.

Come on, man. That super-tornado effect was terrible. And it didn't make sense to boot. Now, I will admit, that the helicopter save is probably one of my favorite Smallville moments. To be honest, that looked really good, and I don't even know how they did it. But at the same time, it was just them ripping off the movie, and they didn't explain why the helicopter was falling off the roof in the first place. Add to that the fact that Lois said she was driving to see the mayor and you have a bunch of stuff that looks cool but makes no sense. No, I don't think they could write a Superman show well.

Okay, i'll pay that the super tornado effect didn't make a ton of sense, considering that, if i remember right, it was meant to be some sort of nuclear disaster that he had to stop, wasn't it?
The helicopter save was awesome. I'd have to re-watch the episode to be sure, but weren't the shockwaves from the nuclear reactor the reason why the helicopter was coming off the roof? I'm going to watch homecoming again just so i can see.
As for Lois driving to see the Mayor....well, yeah, that's a blooper....no excusing that.

Lex Vader wrote:

Oh wow, you weren't joking when you said you don't drink because Superman is your role model?

Yeah, I was joking about the role model bit. But Superman is one of the only heroes who can still be a good role model, and here's this stupid show taking that away from him because they always want to write something OTHER than Superman. I mean how many times have they ripped off a Superman movie and how many times have they ripped off unrelated movies? It's one thing to have a vision like Bryan Singer did, but it's another to make Superman a comedic drunk just because they feel like it. Although, this is the show that made Santa Claus a drunk, so if it wasn't obvious they worship Satan already, this just sealed the deal.

I really don't think Smallville are the first to show Santa drinking. Ever seen "Bad Santa"? That movie is hilarious.

Bryan Singer made some serious bloopers with "Superman Returns" - i would have thought you would have had some major problems with watching Superman stalk Lois. Or even the fact that Lois hooked up with someone straight after Clark left and told that someone that her child was his, when he really wasn't. That's despicable and desperate behaviour, and is chastised heavily in the real world.
Even things like the plane in the baseball field....awesome moment - but how the hell were they going to get the plane out of there? There was a million things in that movie that could be picked to shreds.

I can understand why you'd be angry at them taking Superman and making him a drunken buffoon, but again, he was under a spell. Any parent watching that would explain to their child that Superman didn't want to act that way, but that he was acting against his own will because he was under the influence of magic. I really think Clark's gotta get a free pass for his behaviour because he was a victim of a stupid prank made by a dumb b*tch.

Lex Vader wrote:
We haven't addressed that they were probably just ripping off Superman III, but it's a fair comparison.

True that.

Lex Vader wrote:
And as a comparison, the precedent doesn't mean as much as the fact that, honestly, most of that movie was well written, especially the Bizarro part. And that showed that drinking has CONSEQUENCES, which most TV shows also bother to explain when they handle this kind of topic. For a show that used to be a teen drama, this was done in the poorest way. That's much worse than just bad, stupid, lazy writing. This is RAO Towers bad. And at least they had Clark regret that (after fan backlash).

I really can't argue that. As i said, there really was no consequence for anybody except Emil. Zatanna should have been reprimanded for her actions. Clark should have given her a major lecture on ethics and responsibility and the danger of impeding the judgement of a super-powered being. He could have even focused on the human element, that Emil almost lost his life as a direct by-product of her actions.
If anything, at the end of the episode, they're all having a laugh about their drunken antics, when really, if they wanted to show that drinking has consequences, they would have reacted to their antics differently. You have a fair point there.

Lex Vader wrote:

But, maybe you should try and put yourself in the shoes of those that do drink. For us, it was relatable, in a heightened sort of way.

Even if you were the biggest fan of drinking in the world, they STILL wrote it stupidly. Six people can't get all-night wasted on one bottle of champagne.

I assumed the spell meant they only needed a very minimal amount to be under it's influence.

Lex Vader wrote:
And it's one thing for Clark to have to be cursed by magic, but they couldn't even come up with a logical scenario where everybody got a little too tipsy during their bachelor and bachelorette parties. That says to me the Smallville writers have as much social life as I do, and find it easier to steal from dumb movies tied in with the Vegas lifestyle.

And your alternative ideas are ....?

Lex Vader wrote:
Besides, it's so infantile to suggest that Clark needs alcohol to have a good time EVEN at his bachelor party (which consisted of... uh, nothing). I would rather see some of the other characters get drunk and have it be a night for Clark to remember because he has to keep a leash on them and also be fighting crime while pretending to have a good time.

I really don't think they were saying Clark needs alcohol to have a good time. I think they were showing what happens when somebody with God-like powers is brought down the level of the rest of us. I think they were showing what can happen when people get drunk, and the sort of trouble you can get into when your judgement is impaired. The problem is, instead of dealing with the consequences of this, they all sit around and have a laugh about it at the end. Really, Clark should be saying, "Our behaviour wasn't funny, Emil almost died".

Lex Vader wrote:
Even the fact that they never THOUGHT of this before is pathetic. This episode should have been done YEARS ago, before he was 21, back when his parents would lecture him about responsibility. But here, they did the worst thing you could do. They took that responsibility away from Clark, making the whole thing pointless. They couldn't even follow a stereotypical anti-alcohol TV formula. I mean, wow. That really is why Smallville is so bad. Not because it's formulaic. But because the writers are actually not even good enough to stick to lame formulas. I mean that's SAD. That's like being so uncreative that starting a book with "It was a dark and stormy night" is too good an idea for you to have ever thought of. Ugh. I can't take it anymore.

Yeah, this is the sort of thing that Martha and Jonathon Kent would have torn him a new one for. I really can't argue that. Had this episode been done years ago, you could have at least guaranteed that their actions would have had consequences that would have been dealt with. This episode basically threw caution to the wind and had a laugh about it. I enjoyed the episode, but i see your point.

Lex Vader wrote:

Right, because we all know nobody involved in gambling is crooked at all, right?

Whether you're CROOKED or not doesn't give you an excuse for why two people were last seen being dragged into your back room before their bodies were fished out of the river. Even WITHOUT the armored car theft, it would still look like Lois came in wanting her ring back and the owner had her killed. And the fact of the matter is that the actions of a low-life thug shouldn't be the same as a businessman smart enough to open a casino where he is guaranteed to make money without any risk or crime needed. If Superman caught a guy like this and chastized him for being a crook out of sheer greed, I wouldn't have too much of a problem. But when they write him stupid and DON'T point it out and he doesn't even get CAUGHT, then it's a writing problem.

I think your main gripe is that he went uncaught. I think that really would have solved your problem. They didn't even have a throwaway line stating that he was caught in off-screen land. I have to agree that considering that he almost killed Emil, and surely would have done the same to Ollie and Lois (who let's not forget, is Superman's fiance), he should have been punished for his actions.

Lex Vader wrote:
Like I said, I did laugh, but the three best jokes were at the very beginning. But it was all pointless and poorly handled. Nobody learned a lesson, except for the Clois crap they shoehorned in there.

Again, for me it was enjoyable, but you're coming at it from a totally different view point. I can understand your problem with it, but i think you have to try and see it from the other side of the fence. The most of us have done stupid things when drunk, and as such, we can relate.

Lex Vader wrote:
Wow, fine line between being understanding and basically telling Lois that she can leave if she wants to. And that would be more apropos if the DirecTV description of "Lois loses her engagement ring" was the whole episode.

I don't know, i don't think he was telling her it would be okay if she left. I think he was saying he'd be fine with it if she wanted more time, or wanted to step it back a notch. I thought it was a moment of genuine understanding. The sort of moment you would expect from Superman.

Lex Vader wrote:
way worse than Spell, Thirst or Rabid.

Hey, woah....woah. Let's not say things we can't take back, lol.

I think your problem lies in that they chose to portray drinking as funny, instead of treating it seriously. I really do think the whole episode could have unfolded as it did, but as long as they had 5 minutes at the end dealing with the consequences of their actions, most of your problems with the episode would have been solved. But again, that's because you're a non-drinker. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
But for the rest of us who have experienced what it's like to get so drunk that you do things you normally wouldn't, this episode was a good laugh.

But i do understand your point. It could have quite easily been a solemn reminder that drinking has consequences and still been quite a good episode....in fact, maybe even better.

weren't the shockwaves from the nuclear reactor the reason why the helicopter was coming off the roof?

The entire explanation was, "We've lost control! We're going down!" That's it. It wasn't hung up on a wire or anything. It just decided to slide off the roof.

i would have thought you would have had some major problems with watching Superman stalk Lois.

Yeah, I do. There are tons of writing mistakes in that movie. But Singer didn't just think it would be funny to see Superman as a stalker.

I really think Clark's gotta get a free pass for his behaviour

Who says I'm not giving him a free pass? It's the writers who get a GO STRAIGHT TO HELL card. Just because they excused HIS actions doesn't mean anything excuses THEIR actions.

As i said, there really was no consequence for anybody except Emil.

I know. He's got all those STD's now.

I assumed the spell meant they only needed a very minimal amount to be under it's influence.

That's the point. We don't know what they were going to do later, but they were being perfectly responsible with one glass of champagne before they left. So the writers had to use magic to get them all drunk.

And your alternative ideas are ....?

Just what I said. Everybody gets a little too tipsy during their bachelor and bachelorette parties. Ta-da! No, they had to circumvent that with magic. It's lazy and artificial and pointless and could have been done better half a dozen ways. They literally don't know how to write anything correctly. That's why they had a whole episode of dumbness instead of showing what happened during the part that was INTERESTING.

I really don't think they were saying Clark needs alcohol to have a good time.

They were, though. They've never shown him with any social skills. He is, in spirit, the nerdy Clark that's supposed to be an act. Any time he has fun, it's ALWAYS because he's under the influence of something. That makes him look like a loser who can't even act like a normal person, which almost defeats the point of having a show where he's growing up with normal teen problems. Except, they rarely did. His powers were his problem. The guy skipped out on a Radiohead concert with the girl of his dreams to go save somebody. What teen could ever identify with that?

I think they were showing what can happen when people get drunk

But they weren't. They were showing what can happen when people get drugged by a crazy magician.

The most of us have done stupid things when drunk

Look, if you're trying to say you only enjoyed the episode because you were drunk, just admit it.

But for the rest of us who have experienced what it's like to get so drunk that you do things you normally wouldn't, this episode was a good laugh.

According to the CW, their audience is still mostly teenage girls. So that's completely unacceptable. Just because you drink doesn't mean the show suddenly has the same demographic as college frat comedies. It doesn't, and that's why it was such a bad fit. They made the episode to laugh at bad drunk acting. But the rest of it was filler in itself.

I didn't hate it because I don't drink. I hated it because it was a stupid out-of-character episode that had no point or logical cause. Actually, it wasn't even that. Most of the episode was just boring comedy antics that had nothing to do with being drunk. Only the videotape had them acting drunk, and that was like four minutes long. They used magic to make the characters drunk so they could make a bad farce which consisted of funny costumes and a wild animal. Most of the material they got out of that ran out in the first few minutes. Lois and Oliver in drag could have been in ANY episode. And Tess and Emil weren't funny at all. Which left us with Clark and Chloe in Watchtower hacking the police website again. Three jokes and a video that was already spoiled by the previous 30 minutes isn't enough merit to make a whole episode entertaining. I liked the video, but I was already angry by the time they showed it, because the plot of the episode was over and the only thing that happened was Lois got her cheap ring back. It was just a terrible idea that paid off for FOUR MINUTES of screen time. The only way it would have been worth it is if the lemur drove the armored car over Chloe and killed her.

weren't the shockwaves from the nuclear reactor the reason why the helicopter was coming off the roof?

The entire explanation was, "We've lost control! We're going down!" That's it. It wasn't hung up on a wire or anything. It just decided to slide off the roof.

Yes but weren't they going down because of the nuclear reactor going off?

Lex Vader wrote:

i would have thought you would have had some major problems with watching Superman stalk Lois.

Yeah, I do. There are tons of writing mistakes in that movie. But Singer didn't just think it would be funny to see Superman as a stalker.

Perhaps the writer's, like Singer, honestly thought they were doing something good and entertaining, and thus figured it would be well-received.

Lex Vader wrote:

I really think Clark's gotta get a free pass for his behaviour

Who says I'm not giving him a free pass? It's the writers who get a GO STRAIGHT TO HELL card. Just because they excused HIS actions doesn't mean anything excuses THEIR actions.

As long as Clark gets a free pass you can figuratively send the writer's wherever you want, lol.

Lex Vader wrote:

As i said, there really was no consequence for anybody except Emil.

I know. He's got all those STD's now.

On a serious note, some consequences for some of the stupid things they did might have been good to see.

Lex Vader wrote:

I assumed the spell meant they only needed a very minimal amount to be under it's influence.

That's the point. We don't know what they were going to do later, but they were being perfectly responsible with one glass of champagne before they left. So the writers had to use magic to get them all drunk.

Well i obviously can't argue that magic champagne made them drunk off one glass each, but again, that's sort of the whole premise of the episode. So if you have a problem with that, then it naturally follows that you're going to think the episode sucked.

Lex Vader wrote:

And your alternative ideas are ....?

Just what I said. Everybody gets a little too tipsy during their bachelor and bachelorette parties. Ta-da! No, they had to circumvent that with magic. It's lazy and artificial and pointless and could have been done better half a dozen ways. They literally don't know how to write anything correctly. That's why they had a whole episode of dumbness instead of showing what happened during the part that was INTERESTING.

But as i was saying, everyone gets a little tipsy and....then what? What would you have had them do differently to what they did? What are the escapades that drunken super-heroes would get into that would be worthy of giving screen time?

Lex Vader wrote:

I really don't think they were saying Clark needs alcohol to have a good time.

They were, though. They've never shown him with any social skills. He is, in spirit, the nerdy Clark that's supposed to be an act.

Id say responsible, as opposed to nerdy. One doesn't always imply the other.

Lex Vader wrote:
Any time he has fun, it's ALWAYS because he's under the influence of something.

I'd say he had fun throwing the touchdown pass that won his highschool football team the championship - after he saved Chloe of course, and that's just one example off the top of my head where he had fun without being under the influence of something.

Lex Vader wrote:

I think they were showing what can happen when people get drunk

But they weren't. They were showing what can happen when people get drugged by a crazy magician.

Six of one.

Lex Vader wrote:

The most of us have done stupid things when drunk

Look, if you're trying to say you only enjoyed the episode because you were drunk, just admit it.

I'd enjoy anything drunk....almost, lol. But alas no, i watched this sober as a Judge.

Lex Vader wrote:

But for the rest of us who have experienced what it's like to get so drunk that you do things you normally wouldn't, this episode was a good laugh.

According to the CW, their audience is still mostly teenage girls. So that's completely unacceptable.

Fair call. But i really don't think this episode was catered to that audience - or if it was, it was a terrible message to send them.

Lex Vader wrote:
I didn't hate it because I don't drink. I hated it because it was a stupid out-of-character episode that had no point or logical cause. Actually, it wasn't even that. Most of the episode was just boring comedy antics that had nothing to do with being drunk. Only the videotape had them acting drunk, and that was like four minutes long. They used magic to make the characters drunk so they could make a bad farce which consisted of funny costumes and a wild animal.

Okay, so you may not have hated it specifically because you don't drink. But i think it's fair to wager that you would have found the episode to be far more relatable if you did drink. I suspect that if you could have related to it, your issues with the episode would have decreased markedly.

Lex Vader wrote:
The only way it would have been worth it is if the lemur drove the armored car over Chloe and killed her.

Lol, i don't like Chloe, but you just take it to a whole new level. But i really did love the Lemur, a hell of a lot more than i've liked Chloe in the last few years - which is not at all.

Yes but weren't they going down because of the nuclear reactor going off?

No, they were going down because it was in the movie. If the reactor caused that to happen, then it would have caused HUNDREDS of other accidents in the city.

Perhaps the writer's, like Singer, honestly thought they were doing something good and entertaining, and thus figured it would be well-received.

But they did it all for bad jokes. Superman isn't a sitcom. Also, there's a difference between ripping off a Superman movie and ripping off a comedy film.

What are the escapades that drunken super-heroes would get into that would be worthy of giving screen time?

Okay, here's what I would have done: most bachelor parties are the night before the wedding, at least in all the movies I've seen. The best man always says, "It's your last night as a free man!" or something like that. So what you do is get ALL of the JLA/JSA members, or as many as you can, and have a two-parter. Part one is the big epic bachelor party episode. Part two is the big epic wedding episode. That way, they have all the cast members for both events. Here, maybe they couldn't get everyone because they're waiting for the wedding episode, assuming there is one. Which is why this fails. There was no bachelor party. There were a couple of "friends" hanging out. That's not a party. A bachelor party is not an intimate get-together. As for what they'd do, we don't need to see Clark getting drunk. The comedy comes from everybody else getting wasted and Clark trying to control them, not able to enjoy his own party. Because he's Superman, dammit, and he doesn't get a day off, even when he wants to. That's called forshadowing. Hi. Even if they DID make him drunk, they could have had Zatanna be the stripper and then she gives him the magic BS directly, in the middle of the episode as the turning point of the story. You know, like in real writing. If they have a simeltaneous bachelorette party (yes, even if it requires Lana to come back), then all the other women could be wondering where Zatanna disappears to for that moment. And God forbid they write in a story reason for why she'd actually risk getting Clark drunk.

The point is that it's a decent premise for a light-hearted episode of a superhero show. It really is. But what they ACTUALLY did, having it be an amnesia episode that turns into a lame mystery and has some screwball antics that require dressing in drag, is a total waste of potential. I mean, think about it. Okay, we don't know if he's actually getting married yet. It might all be a ruse. And he's not Superman yet. But as far as this show is concerned, this was SUPERMAN'S BACHELOR PARTY. Now, he might be a boy scout, but Superman's bachelor party sounds to me like one of the don't-miss events of the last 3000 years. Yet here... it's about four minutes worth of silly home movies. Even taken with the least offensive interpretation, they're still guilty of telling instead of showing. It's a TV show, not a TV tell. Show the events leading up the party. Show the party. Have it be an actual party. Throw a wrench in there to mix things up. And then show the resolution. Don't make the party an afterthought and contrive some awful secondary storyline to be the conflict for the episode. That's a STUPID approach. Hell, if they wanted to do a ripoff, this would have been a more logical place to steal from Cloverfield than Chloe's wedding episode. They could have started at the party, shot a lot of it handheld, and had some disaster that the heroes are too drunk to help out with. Like a giant zombie Henry Olsen.

As it stands, they obviously didn't give two craps about the story or how best to tell it, as usual. And I'm afraid if there even is a wedding, it'll be shoehorned into the finale, probably dragging the whole thing down to disappointing levels by trying to do too much at once, making the more boring parts weigh down the good parts.

Yes but weren't they going down because of the nuclear reactor going off?

No, they were going down because it was in the movie. If the reactor caused that to happen, then it would have caused HUNDREDS of other accidents in the city.

Fair point, but then who's to say there weren't hundreds of accidents across the city because of the reactor? Just because we didn't see it doesn't mean it didn't happen....although i do agree that is being lazy on the part of the writer's if so.

Lex Vader wrote:

Perhaps the writer's, like Singer, honestly thought they were doing something good and entertaining, and thus figured it would be well-received.

But they did it all for bad jokes. Superman isn't a sitcom.

Well i agree with that, but i don't think they were trying to turn it into a sitcom. I think they were just having a bit of a laugh before we get down into the real meat of the rest of the season.

Lex Vader wrote:

What are the escapades that drunken super-heroes would get into that would be worthy of giving screen time?

Okay, here's what I would have done: most bachelor parties are the night before the wedding, at least in all the movies I've seen.

Maybe in America, but not over here. In fact, often there's week's between the two events.

Lex Vader wrote:
The best man always says, "It's your last night as a free man!" or something like that. So what you do is get ALL of the JLA/JSA members, or as many as you can, and have a two-parter. Part one is the big epic bachelor party episode. Part two is the big epic wedding episode. That way, they have all the cast members for both events. Here, maybe they couldn't get everyone because they're waiting for the wedding episode, assuming there is one. Which is why this fails. There was no bachelor party. There were a couple of "friends" hanging out. That's not a party. A bachelor party is not an intimate get-together. As for what they'd do, we don't need to see Clark getting drunk. The comedy comes from everybody else getting wasted and Clark trying to control them, not able to enjoy his own party. Because he's Superman, dammit, and he doesn't get a day off, even when he wants to. That's called forshadowing. Hi. Even if they DID make him drunk, they could have had Zatanna be the stripper and then she gives him the magic BS directly, in the middle of the episode as the turning point of the story. You know, like in real writing. If they have a simeltaneous bachelorette party (yes, even if it requires Lana to come back), then all the other women could be wondering where Zatanna disappears to for that moment. And God forbid they write in a story reason for why she'd actually risk getting Clark drunk.

A bucks night can be however many people you want it to be. Typically, it's a lot of people, yes. But not always.
I like the idea of a two parter, you may be onto something there, and your idea about Zatanna showing up halfway through and hexing him is not without merit.
But i don't know how entertaining it would be to watch Clark try to control all his drunken friends while he remains sober....that could get old really quickly.

Lex Vader wrote:
Okay, we don't know if he's actually getting married yet. It might all be a ruse.

Why would it be a ruse? How would that be acceptable? You can't have them get engaged and then close the show without them getting married. That's bad even for Smallville.

Lex Vader wrote:
And he's not Superman yet. But as far as this show is concerned, this was SUPERMAN'S BACHELOR PARTY. Now, he might be a boy scout, but Superman's bachelor party sounds to me like one of the don't-miss events of the last 3000 years. Yet here... it's about four minutes worth of silly home movies. Even taken with the least offensive interpretation, they're still guilty of telling instead of showing. It's a TV show, not a TV tell. Show the events leading up the party. Show the party. Have it be an actual party. Throw a wrench in there to mix things up. And then show the resolution. Don't make the party an afterthought and contrive some awful secondary storyline to be the conflict for the episode. That's a STUPID approach. Hell, if they wanted to do a ripoff, this would have been a more logical place to steal from Cloverfield than Chloe's wedding episode. They could have started at the party, shot a lot of it handheld, and had some disaster that the heroes are too drunk to help out with. Like a giant zombie Henry Olsen.

Yeah but having it turn into a disaster is repeating themselves, because the last time they did a wedding episode Doomsday crashed it. It's bad enough seeing them rip other ideas off, i don't need to see them repeating themselves.
Also, given Clark's boyscout nature, if he wasn't under some sort of influence, his party would be boring as. Yes, he's superman, woohoo! But that doesn't mean his party would rock. It would likely be the most tame party ever just by virtue of his nature. So his friends would need to get super-drunk to make it entertaining, and what would that say about those heroes?
If you ask me, the magical whammy was a lesser evil....but Zatanna should have been reprimanded for it.

Lex Vader wrote:
As it stands, they obviously didn't give two craps about the story or how best to tell it, as usual. And I'm afraid if there even is a wedding, it'll be shoehorned into the finale, probably dragging the whole thing down to disappointing levels by trying to do too much at once, making the more boring parts weigh down the good parts.

Yeah i'm worried they'll try to squeeze the wedding into the finale as well, which would make it way too crammed full of ideas given we'll probably see his first flight, the suit, Lex, and Darkseid as well all in the finale. Plus they still have to resolve the Lionel plot and the Superboy plot and tie Ollie's omega skull into the Darkseid plot also. It's a lot to do in not a lot of time. I hope they space it out.

I hope you guys don't mind, but I'm gonna wade in here just a bit and make a few observations...

There's a line between critique and an excuse to write fan-fiction outlines, and that line seems to be getting a little blurry over the last few pages.

In regards to the "sitcom" comment, I've seen TONS of superman comics that come off like a sitcom... especially some of the stuff from the sixties. That, or the myriad of One Shot stories and "annual" hijinx over the years that almost always come off like a fun one-act play and can often be pretty light-hearted in nature come to mind as well. To argue that this was out of line for the tone of Smallville would be an argument that at least made sense within it's own internal logic, but I think the overall scope of the Superman mythos is broad enough to harbor something like Fortune under the umbrella for the character in a "historic" sense. I can also understand if this type of goofy low-brow thing isn't the sort of Superman story that you personally understand.

Next, I certainly don't think the writers were trying to "preach" to the audience, or make people aware of the dangers of alcohol or anything else of that nature. It seems to me that they just thought that it would be fun to do an old-school romp of an episode.

In regards to bachelor parties: I live in kansas, and it's pretty normal here for bachelor parties and such to occur well before a wedding (a few weeks isn't uncommon). It's also perfectly normal for a bachelor party to only include a few guy, it just depends on how many people the groom feels is appropriate.

I'm actually surprised this episode WASN'T written by Bryan Q. Miller because it felt like something he would write. I understand for some of you that's a negative, but I actually wish they would just hand him the reigns. Look, smallville is never going to be deep, thoughtful, reflective, or even particularly clever. About the only thing it's got going for it is that it's over-the-top, goofy, campy, and sappy. So, why not play to those attributes and just have fun with it? I can't even imagine how badly Justin Hartley or Allison Mack would destroy actual GOOD dialogue, they're better served handing them the reigns and letting them all chew through the scenery.

Okay, it didn't really matter when the bachelor party was. Obviously there could be a week between episodes. However, did they get married today? Because Clark said "I'd marry you in five days or five years." Did we miss it? Aw man.

who's to say there weren't hundreds of accidents across the city because of the reactor?

He said he couldn't be in two places at once, so I guess that means hundreds of people are dead. Oops! Oh well, I guess Lois was the most important.

Typically, it's a lot of people, yes. But not always.

That doesn't matter. The only REASON there weren't more people there is because they didn't bother to get the actors. It's lazy for something that is only going to happen once in this loser's life. Oliver's never been anything but a total jerk to Clark. They're about as close as the North and South poles. However, do you think it's realistic for Oliver NOT to call in all his favors get the League together and throw Clark a bachelor party he'll never forget? I can only assume that without the cursed liquor, it WOULD have been a forgettable experience, as once they were all drunk, they just sort of wandered around cheap clubs and didn't do anything by plan. How many more reasons do you need for why this was a lazy story?

But i don't know how entertaining it would be to watch Clark try to control all his drunken friends while he remains sober....that could get old really quickly.

As opposed to watching Emil dressed as Elvis and Oliver dressed as a nightmare with NO ONE STOPPING THEM? Sometimes I wonder about you. Need I remind you, MOST of the episode did NOT feature Clark drunk, and if you're saying that was the only redeeming factor, that kind proves my point.

It's bad enough seeing them rip other ideas off, i don't need to see them repeating themselves.

I was just pointing out something they're capable of doing that would have fit better than The Hangover. There's really no reason for it to be a lame episode when it could be more. Besides, if the wedding is in the finale, it's not like there won't be any interruptions.

Yes, he's superman, woohoo! But that doesn't mean his party would rock.

Friends make a bachelor party rock, not the groom-to-be. That's the whole point. Given that the bachelor often doesn't know what's in store, there's no reason that can't worth with Clark's character as established.

So his friends would need to get super-drunk to make it entertaining, and what would that say about those heroes?

Uhhhhh, that they're normal? Seriously, did you forget who you're talking about? Oliver is always getting drunk and having one-night stands, Impulse is a thief, and Aquaman is a eco-terrorist. How is getting drunk going to tarnish their characters?

baalroo wrote:
There's a line between critique and an excuse to write fan-fiction outlines, and that line seems to be getting a little blurry over the last few pages.

Look, I almost never do that, but sometimes you have to step up and offer some constructive alternatives rather than just saying everything sucks.

Let's just put it this way, there was almost nothing in this episode that I wanted to be looking at, and that includes a drunken Clark, no matter how embarrassingly funny it might have been. I'm sure if I watched Family Guy for a decade, I'd laugh three times at that too. Doesn't mean I want to.

Lol, i give up LV. I don't concede mind you, but i think you and i are destined to see differently on this episode.
Something tells me you are going to greatly dislike this coming episode, seeing as it seems to focus on Smallville's own take on Superboy. I'm still on the fence about it though. I'll wait and see what it's like.

I read somewhere that "Scion" will be Superboy's only appearance, so his introduction was totally pointless. Typical of "Smallville" in recent seasons to introduce something but then completely ignore it.

I can't even believe how this show starts. Like a terrible sitcom. Do we really need another insulting intro where Clark speeds back to the farm in his jacket after "a night of patrolling"? This is how babies write.

And he walks into his unlocked house to be surprised by an unexpected visitor. Now, I'm not saying it's abnormal to be casual in your own house and not expect a stranger to be in there. But when you have a world-threatening secret and you don't lock your door, you deserve a dumbass lifetime achievement award. Come on, Smallville. It's been literally two seconds and you're already in shreds on the floor. You make it so easy.

Oh genius, she told Clark about Lex offscreen. That's good writing. Didn't mention it last week or see fit to, you know, have anyone looking after him wherever he was living. Just go out and get drunk and leave the superpowered infant alone.

This whole scene is stupid. I can't believe they're talking casually about a genetically engineered clone over coffee.

Great. They're doing that "flashlights make lightsaber noises" thing that I hate so much. Look, that's okay if it's a unique approach by a genius avant garde sound designer for a major motion picture. If he wants to do that, okay. But when you do it on cheap TV shows, you're stealing an artistic concept that you don't even understand. And doing it poorly. And looking stupid. The same goes for all the morons who make weird synthetic swishing sounds come out of swords. That works in the Matrix, not in the real world. If you're going to do sound like that, you can't just have it be random. The whole production needs a stylistic approach. Otherwise, it's just out of place.

Mmm, yeah. I have so much investment in what's going on in this episode. I totally care. Okay, I'm a bad liar.

Lionel is evil and too stupid to realize a clone lab full of broken clone tanks probably had more than one clone in it and that Tess' fake evidence came from that. Boring.

Lex is now Conner and has black hair for no reason and he's met so many doctors in his life offscreen for the past two weeks that his awkward social anxiety is now a major character trait. Boring.

What's with the wild mood swing mid-scene? He starts out saying how awesome it is to be in a barn instead of meeting doctors. Then he's just like, this barn is SO two minutes ago. I need to decide to need to know where I come from and run off instead of staying in this barn. Oh, now I need a donut. Now I need to go to sleep. But I'm not tired. Or hungry. And now I'm really left-wing and now I hate those liberal jerks and you American dogs will pay, commie scum. *HEADASPLODE* Okay, I made it sound like it was a character trait. It's not. Just stupid writing.

It's kinda hard to have a character who has Disney princess syndrome and wants to go out into the big, wide world and see what life has to offer when for all intents and purposes, he's been alive for two weeks. That's retarded.

Clark introduces his "friend," Conner, and Lois, his fiancee, who knows everything there isn't to know about Clark's life, has absolutely no questions whatsoever. Also, she drives three hours to have him sign off on a byline (which sounds like gibberish to me) even though he has a cellphone and superspeed.

I mean, she has no questions until a pan falls off the wall. Yeah. A little slow on the uptake, Lois. I mean WHAT the HELL.

Helen Bryce! Thanks for reminding me of a character that would be more interesting to watch than this utterly ridiculous storyline.

And then Lois has a mood swing at the end of her scene. Boring.

Tess tells Lois she's the only hope, because she can convince Clark to murder mirror Lionel. Really? None of the other league members would be willing to kill him? Not even Oliver, who already wanted to murder him but murdered his son instead because he was the next best thing? Not even bomb-setting eco-terrorist Aquaman, or Cyborg, who was made into a freak by LuthorCorp? Need I remind you that Lionel Luthor has no powers and not even a bodyguard?

Lois knows about the history of Al Capone. Yeah right, writers. You and your Wikipedia aren't selling me this one.

Tess and Lois are going to prove that Lionel is from another universe. Uh-huh. That's entirely possible, despite him having Lionel's DNA and being, well, Lionel. You don't really have to cover up the fact that you magically came from an alternate universe. It's not even illegal, in fact.

Conner superspies on Clark when he's talking to Tess in that really stilted way where people talk in detail about exactly what they don't want someone to find out only when that person is listening, but he didn't bother eavesdropping when Clark had a twenty-seven minute conversation with Lois about the same thing. Brilliant writing! If it's not onscreen, it doesn't have to make sense! And if it's onscreen, it's okay if it contradicts something as long as its by way of omission!

Tess has Lois go and risk her life spying on Lionel instead of having Green Arrow do it. And why? Because Oliver left town permanently to live somewhere else without telling anybody or giving any reason until after the fact. And as always, Lois doesn't tell her fiancee what she's doing because it has to be seeeeeeeeeecret. You have to work hard to be this dumb.

Conner snoops around the totally not destroyed mansion. How does he know where the mansion is, or even who Lex was? He's not supposed to know ANYTHING. Why would Tess tell him about Lex?

And of course, Lionel is there. Because it's literally impossible for any character on this show to be alone in any place for more than 15 seconds. So glad they have a Fortress of Solitude on this show that they don't use.

Lionel is so sad that Conner is emo, and he read about "them" making him emo in Conner's file. Right, uh... I mean... who? Didn't Lex Luthor set up the whole clone racket? He's the one who stole Clark's blood and mixed it with his clone, or at least somehow, despite being dead, instructed invisible scientists to try something like that. Was that NOT in the file?

Lex Luthor created an empire? I don't remember that. Lionel isn't admitting he's from another dimension. After all his research, wouldn't it make more sense for Lionel to say he created an empire for Lex? That's just basic writing logic. How to word things with words of English-making.

Lois is at a slaughterhouse so no one will hear her scream. Yeah, cause no one works at slaughterhouses and they can just let the meat sit out unfrozen all night with no security and not worry about health risks or robberies or anything. This makes total sense. To a baby. Okay, I'm a bad liar. Babies know better.

It bears reiterating that I HAAAAAAAAAATE this Lionel Luthor. He's the most un-nuanced character I've seen outside of a Bruce Willis movie. Watching this is pure, unsatisfying SUCK. It's like I'm LOOKING at Lionel Luthor, but he's constantly doing a one-man show of all the Twilight novels. And it's all in mime. And also he's invisible. And a drawing of a piece of cardboard.

Conner is on red K because the writers literally can't even write a brand new character for thirty minutes without making him out of character. Can he turn into Power Girl next? That would be neat. It's just a simple magic sex-change away! Come on. What, are you chicken? It would look COOL. Isn't this show all about looking COOOOOOOOOL? You wanna be cool, don't you? Not like those lame writers on The Shield or The Sopranos.

I'm sick of this. I want to watch this "Pyramid of Doom" movie that's playing in Metropolis. It sounds about thirteen million times more interesting than this, and that's just from the title. What was this title of this episode again? Oh right, "Go Out And Buy A Toyota Scion." SUBTLE!!! I seriously hope that sponsor money goes into hiring a writer for the finale. No, really. Screw the special effects. Put the money on a writer.

WTF is with Lionel's cartoon cackling? I laughed at that. Out loud, even. That was absurd.

Conner's ring has a tracking device in it. Yeah, that makes sense when Lionel already said he was being tracked at superspeed when he left the Kent farm. Al and Turi write scenes separately and never read each other's work. It's cute, almost. The only way this works is if Conner can only be tracked at superspeed and not while driving a car, except Lionel would have to predict that he'd steal a car for no reason whatsoever. I mean, unless stealing vehicles is a mandatory side effect of red K in every universe.

It's so refreshing to see a villain who verbally admits to being evil and embracing darkness. Oh wait, I mean incredibly sophomoric.

Um, can we get a court order to make this scene between Clark and Lionel not be 95% exposition about stuff the audience already knows? Also, can we get some crooked cops to beat it with nightsticks?

Apparently, red K makes you as stupid as a glowing red rock, as Conner takes Lois to the condemned mansion that Lionel knows about to be "safe." Really, I mean... even being virtually a newborn baby, nobody can be that braindead. That's like Indiana Jones saving Marion and taking her to Hitler's house. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?

Why the hell did Lois run away? Oh, because she didn't know Clark was coming. Oops, I mean because another rule of the show is that there can't be a fight scene if there's a third person in the room. Ha! Easy solve.

This Lionel Luthor is really not much smarter than Lois, is he? What a formidable sort of half-temporary villainesque semi-antagonist.

Oh, Lionel's fingerprints are mirrors of the real Lionel's. GOD HOW INCREDIBLY CONVENIENT! Also, it turns out he has a birthmark on his ass that says, "I am an evil twin from an alternate universe."

HAHAHAHA, NANOTRACKERS!

Wow, that superhammerfinger effect is lame. They really had to have a mechanical effect pull the nail into an already made hole? An actor couldn't just push it in?

Yeesh, what a pathetic and meaningless ending. SHOCK AND AWE! Really, you couldn't muster up one riveting line of dialogue for Smokey Dark Crowseid to say that would make us interested in the storyline instead of just leaving us completely ignorant about the season's direction? I mean, I guess that works, since they don't know what they're going to write him to do offscreen yet. Might as well leave it to dialogue. Why is Darkseid appearing in half-humanoid form to Lionel anyway? Is he a magical evil-wish-granting genie? Can he do idiotic voices like Robin Williams?

What a piece of crap misguided fan service episode. So many smacks in the face with the Continuity Cod of Lip Service. That's all it was! Every piece of dialogue, stupid lip service. Every scene, stupid reference to a past episode. The show is just stealing from ITSELF now. And the only original thing in the episode was just stolen from the comics and taken totally out of context.

They gave us an actor who, quite frankly, made Tom Welling look like a dog dump comparatively by looking less like Clark Kent than a kid who's about five-foot-five, and threw a story with myriad implications into the show for good reason and with no explanation.

Aw, but it would have been so HARD to explain how Lex even set up a cloning operation, let alone how or why he'd use Clark's DNA but only in ONE of his clones! Actually, it wouldn't. They could easily explain that Clark's DNA was needed to stabilize the faulty clones. I mean, that wouldn't really make sense because if they can't get ONE DNA structure right, they certainly wouldn't be able to get TWO DNA structures right. Common sense! But then, that wouldn't matter on Smallville. And it wouldn't even matter that the reason their DNA was combined in the comics was because they weren't able to properly clone Kryptonian DNA, and in fact weren't even able to give Conner the same powers, because Smallville didn't bother to explain their version at all. So who cares if it totally misses the point of the character, because it's magic.

This is all just completely mundane. They could spin off a show about a cybernetic Jesus and they'd find a way to make it dull. Never has such epicness been presented so boringly. This show really couldn't sustain itself for very long, and it didn't. They just made it an anthology series where they have random paranormal things happen ALA The X-Files and also steal from other shows and movies. That's why Clark went to college classes maybe five times, the same number of times Lois attended high school.

I would give this episode a 3, just to prove how incredibly average it was. I can't even be bothered to hate it. It's that vapid. It's crap. This whole season is crap. And I mean that quite literally. People say crap to mean something is awful, but in reality, crap is just common and unremarkable and made without effect by almost every animal on Earth. "Feet" would be another good description of Smallville. Unless you have a foot fetish. Smallville is just feet. Wasn't that a boring description? There, you understand Smallville perfectly now. The full scope of its quality has just formed as a crystal clear image in your mind. It's feet.

Good riddance. Let's get this over with. I want to see how much better the awful new Wonder Woman show can be. I mean I know that will suck, but I also know it probably won't have such lazy, thoughtless writing. So hey, imagine how awesome it will be to see something bad, as long as it's not so passionately and intentionally bad as to rival The Bad Show starring Baddy McBadderson.

Hang on a minute... did Clark wear his Blur jacket when doing heroic stuff or his glasses when not? No? MINUS THREE POINTS. Nah, just kidding. I love that they avoid the unsexy glasses by just not writing Clark in public the whole episode. In the future, when I describe this horrible show to my kids who are half-clones of me and another man who is my evil nemesis, we will just laaaugh and laaaaugh.