Category Jokes

Jose & Carlos are panhandling on the street. Jose drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend. Carlos only brings in 2 to 3 dollars a day. Carlos asks Jose how he can bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day. Jose says “Look […]

An English professor wrote the words, “Woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.” The women wrote: “Woman: Without her, man is nothing.”

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, “Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.”

Q: What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth? A: Ruthless. Q: What do they call pastors in Germany? A: German Shepherds. Q: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A: Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in […]

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a suprising twist at the end. Q: How many boring people does it take to change a light bulb? A: One. Q: […]

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, “The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.” His son asked, “What happened to the flea?”

Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside. “Yes,” says Sally, “a lock of my husband’s hair.” “But Larry’s still alive.” “I know, but his hair is gone.”

Question: You throw away the outside and cook the inside. Then you eat the outside and throw away the inside. What did you eat? Answer: Corn on the cob Question: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? Answer: Pumpkin pi Question: What was green and […]

A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking, “Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus: the Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?”

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German were all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler noticed that the four gentlemen had a very poor view, so he stood up on a large wooden box and asked if they could see him. They replied: Yes Oui Si Ja.

I was hitting the ski slopes when a bizarre accident occurred. While fumbling my way off a chair lift, another chair hit me from behind and knocked me out cold. I woke up with a headache, in a hospital bed and immediately called my insurance company. After explaining what happened the insurance rep said, “We’re […]

1. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. 2. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether […]

You might be a redneck if: Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. Jack Daniel’s makes your list of “Most Admired People.” You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV. […]

Two Jesuit priests both wanted a cigarette while they prayed. They decided to ask their bishop for permission. The first asked but was told no. A little while later he spotted his friend smoking. “Why did the Bishop allow you to smoke and not me?” he asked. “Because you asked if you could smoke while […]

I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious. ~ Steven Wright Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? ~ Steven Wright Isn’t Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse? ~ Steven Wright How come abbreviated is such a long word? ~ […]

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. 2. On all your check stubs, write “For Marijuana.” ++ 3. Skip down the street rather than walk, and see how many looks you get. 4. Order […]

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink. ++ Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is. If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Chuck Norris. If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don’t ask him for […]