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Finishing the School Year Stronghttps://mercyformarthas.com/2020/05/24/finishing-the-school-year-strong/
https://mercyformarthas.com/2020/05/24/finishing-the-school-year-strong/#commentsSun, 24 May 2020 07:27:00 +0000http://mercyformarthas.com/?p=19601More]]>Time for a pep-talk! Because I bet many of you can’t wait to be done with homeschooling for the year.

Me too. It happens every May: making my kids finish their school work in the spring is like pulling teeth. I need to use all my big mama muscles to make sure my squirrelly, energetic, restless children complete their assignments. And my mama muscles are plumb worn out. Ladies, I just want to give up.

But one of the most important lessons our kids need to learn is taught best at this time of year.

Does it really matter whether or not Sparky completes the last chapter on planets? In the great grand scheme of things, does it really matter if Feisty memorizes the declensions of unus, duo, and tres in Latin? Especially since he’s going to be learning it again next year? No, it does not.

At this time of year, content does not matter.

But perseverance does. Fortitude does.

And this time of year, when the birds are singing, when summer vacation is just around the corner, and the last thing our kids want to do is sit at a table and study….

This is the time of year to persevere and teach your children grit.

Persevere until your kids reach your originally planned stopping point. Maybe it’s a particular date. Maybe it’s when they complete a specific unit or topic. For us, it’s when our kids finish their school books. Again, content doesn’t matter, but finishing a text is a lesson in endurance.

So don’t let your kids get away with bailing out early.

Don’t let your homeschool peter out because you’re worn out.

Because if you do, you miss out on an incredible opportunity to teach your kids to work hard until they reach the point of completion.

And don’t just finish. Finish well. Finish strong. Like cross country runners who cross the finish line with sweat pouring down their faces and scratches on their knees, every muscle about to burst, but still running at full speed.

It means you’re still starting school on time. You’re still requiring your kids to answer their questions in full sentences, neatly, correcting mistakes in spelling and grammar. You’re still requiring them to produce quality compositions, to make corrections on their math assignments, and to memorize that epic poem to the very last verse.

If you persevere with your kids like this year after year, you will build your children’s strength of character.

They will need this strength to complete that difficult college degree, to persevere at that challenging job, to endure through a turbulent time in their marriage, to be steadfast in faith when it seems God has abandoned them.

Then like St. Paul they can say: I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. ( 2 Timothy 4:7-8)

So, dear moms, flex those weary muscles. With prayer, grace, and conviction, you can finish the school year strong.

]]>https://mercyformarthas.com/2020/05/24/finishing-the-school-year-strong/feed/2finishing-the-school-year-strongjpgmercyformarthasWhat Prayer Might Look Like if You’re a Saintly Momhttps://mercyformarthas.com/2020/05/09/what-prayer-might-look-like-if-youre-a-saintly-mom/
https://mercyformarthas.com/2020/05/09/what-prayer-might-look-like-if-youre-a-saintly-mom/#respondSat, 09 May 2020 19:10:35 +0000http://mercyformarthas.com/?p=19491More]]>Happy Mother’s Day to all you wonderful moms! I hope your children spoil you with lots of love and appreciation! Here’s my little bit of encouragement for all you moms who are seeking holiness in the midst of children, chores, and distractions.

St. Frances of Rome. Have you heard of her? She was a 15th c. wife, mother, and mystic. (I never thought it possible for mom and mystic to go together, but there you have it.) At the age of twelve she earnestly desired to become a nun. (She probably noticed that nuns tend to look serene, whereas mothers tend to look harried.) However, her father had already arranged her marriage. When she went weeping to her spiritual director about about it, he told her to stop seeking her own will and to start accepting God’s.

Reluctantly she married the wealthy nobleman her father had chosen for her. It turned out to be a long and happy marriage; she and Lorenzo loved eachother dearly. Between raising three children and managing a large, bustling household (castle, actually), Frances was very busy. But she never lost her desire for a deep contemplative prayer life.

For those of you who struggle to find time alone for prayer, I thought you’d appreciate this wonderful description of what St. France’s prayer life was like when her children were young:

One morning Frances tiptoed out of bed to say her prayers. It was not yet dawn and a few sleepy stars were still winking. At last she had some time alone with Our Lord! No sooner did she kneel down and open her book to morning prayers than Lorenzo called her to come and watch the sunrise. She marked her page and went at once to the window, and together they marveled at the purple sky turning pink, with a few puffs of whipped-cream clouds.

Very well. She had seen the sunrise, now back to her book. She knelt down and took out the marker — and there was a knock at the door. The downstairs maid popped in and bowed. There was a beggar at the kitchen door, would it be all right to give him the leftover liver and onions from the night before? “Of course,” Frances said, “and give him the apple dumplings too.”

She got back on her knees and opened the book to the same page. Another knock. This time it was the new young cook who couldn’t remember whether to put the dill and garlic at the bottom of the jar or the top when she made the sour pickles. Frances told her the bottom, and praised her for being smart enough to ask.

The young girl hurried off and before Frances could close the door she heard little Agnes sobbing in the hallway. The boys had snatched her doll with the red hair and thrown it up into the plum tree. Frances hugged her and called to the gardener to rescue the doll. Then she found her sons and set them down to write I must not tease my sister 100 times. “And if you do it again,” she warned them, “you will go to the cellar and crack one bushel of black walnuts.”

Wearily she closed the door — and then jumped a little with surprise. A magnificent angel bathed in light was writing something in her prayerbook. She came up quietly behind him and peeked over his shoulder. There, in a beautiful gold script, he had written: “Therefore, God has blessed you forever.”

These were the very words where Frances had left off each time she had been interrupted. Frances looked at the angel with disbelief. “Why would God bless me when I can’t sit still long enough to pray to him?”

“Because you showed your love for him by doing exactly what he wants you to do — loving and taking care of your family.”

First, she never gave up trying no pray. Despite multiple distractions and interruptions, she kept going back to her prayer. She persevered.

Second, she was always ready to serve. She didn’t insist on having her alone time. She certainly tried to have time alone with God to pray — she was getting up before dawn. But when she was called to serve and attend to others, she did so with a generous spirit.

With the grace of God, St. Frances achieved a beautiful balance between Mary and Martha: she yearned for contemplative prayer (not just mommy time-out!) yet she served with alacrity and good humor. She knew that in serving others, she was really serving God:

“It is most laudable in a married woman to be devout, but she must never forget that she is a housewife. And sometimes she must leave God at the altar to find Him in her housekeeping.”

St. Frances of Rome

So dear moms, if your prayers are like the beads of a broken rosary, small and scattered, persevere anyways. And when your prayers are interrupted because you need to attend to someone, consider that maybe Our Lord is asking you, at that moment, to pray through service and to love Him by loving others.

P.S. You might be interested to know that while her children were still young, a terrible plague swept across Italy and took the lives of two of her children. (Three others had already died in infancy.) Shortly after, war broke out in Italy, and her husband and son were taken as prisoners. Always concerned for the unfortunate, she turned her home into a hospital and began to beg in the streets to help feed the poor.

When her husband and son returned home from the war, Frances founded a third order of lay women called the Oblates of Mary. She devoted herself to caring for her ailing husband and to serving the poor from her castle. As her spiritual life progressed, she was given the grace to see her guardian angel at all times. Frances also had visions, ecstasies, revelations, and the gift of healing. She even prophesied the end of the Western Schism.

Yet, for all her extraordinary supernatural gifts, Frances is remembered most for the part of her life that was most ordinary: her loving faithfulness to her duties as wife and mother. May we imitate Frances in her love for prayer and her readiness to serve.

With May just around the corner, it’s time to think about May devotions and how we can draw our families closer to the Immaculate Heart of Mary. For us, that means a pilgrimage to a shrine of Our Lady (if one will be open!), praying the rosary with more love and devotion, and renewing our consecration to Mary.

Consecrating ourselves and our children to the Mother of God is one of the most beautiful devotions a family can do. So I am excited to tell you we have something special to help your family with this wonderful devotion:

Several years ago my daughter Carolyn read Fr. Michael Gaitley’s book, 33 Days to Morning Glory — a Do-it-Yourself Retreat in Preparation for Marian Consecration. She was so moved by the book that she decided to write a children’s version. Afterall, children are capable of understanding the theology behind Marian Consecration; it just needs to be explained in words they can understand. More importantly, they are capable of loving Our Lady; that love just needs to be nurtured and inspired.

A Gift for Our Lady presents Marian consecration to children in a way that is lovely, accessible, and engaging. This book provides an excellent guide for children who wish to consecrate themselves to Jesus through Mary. The inclusion of short, exciting biographies of saints in each of the thirty-three days of preparation attracts the reader to the beauty of holiness and of consecration to Jesus. Parents, teachers and older siblings who read A Gift to Our Lady with younger children will also likely be inspired to a life of holiness and devotion to Mary. I would highly recommend this book to families and schools who wish to teach children about Marian consecration and inspire them to holiness. What a gift this preparation for Marian consecration will be to the children (and parents) who read and pray with A Gift to Our Lady!

-Sister Marie Genevieve Robertson, O.P.

Dominican Sisters of St. Cecilia

Our family read it outloud together over 33 days when Carolyn had finished her second draft. The day our children made their consecration, Sparky announced, “I think we should pray the whole rosary every day as a family.” Up until then, we had only been praying a decade each night as a family along with other prayers. But when your nine year old tells you the family should pray the rosary every night… you do it! That was a year and a half ago, and we’ve been doing it since.

More than ever, our families need the intercession and protection of Our Blessed Mother. This spring, consider doing a Marian consecration with your children, or renew it if your family has already made a consecration. Usually, you should choose a feast day of Our Lady for the day of consecration, and thus begin preparations 33 days prior.

Some upcoming feast days of Our Lady are:

Our Lady, Help of Christians – May 24, begin April 21

Our Lady, Queen of the Apostles – Saturday after the Ascension, begin 33 days before

Mary Mother of the Church – Monday after Pentecost, begin 33 days before

The Visitation of Mary – May 31, begin April 28

Our Lady, Virgin Mother of Grace – June 9, begin May 8

The Immaculate Heart of Mary – Saturday after the Feast of Corpus Christi, begin 33 days before

Our Lady of Perpetual Help – June 27, begin May 25

May Our Blessed Mother keep your families safe, spiritually and physically, and may she draw us all ever closer to her Divine Son!

]]>https://mercyformarthas.com/2020/04/19/childrens-consecration-to-mary/feed/1childrens-consecration-to-marymercyformarthas51Z3clWfVjL._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_Easter Activities for Toddlers with (or without) Down Syndromehttps://mercyformarthas.com/2020/04/05/easter-activities-for-toddlers-with-or-without-down-syndrome/
https://mercyformarthas.com/2020/04/05/easter-activities-for-toddlers-with-or-without-down-syndrome/#commentsSun, 05 Apr 2020 18:28:18 +0000http://mercyformarthas.com/?p=19335More]]>Hi! It’s me again. Can you believe that Easter is right around the corner! To keep my mind off all the COVID-19 news, I’ve been busy preparing Junior’s activities for the month of April. There are so many fun, educational activites you can do with Easter eggs! I’m posting again so soon because I hope you find some ideas here to help keep little hands and minds busy during this time of quarantine:

Our goals this month are: to learn the color yellow, to learn “behind” and the concept of “not”, and to understand quantity up to two or three. Your goals will probably be different, but you can adapt some of these to suit your toddler’s needs.

Learn the Color Yellow

Have a basket of yellow items. As your child pulls out each item, say “This ________ is yellow.”

Have your child color match printed or plastic Easter eggs. If your child is overwhelmed by too many colors, start with only two. You can order unfinished wooden eggs and cups at Amazon and make matching eggs and cups.

Play hide and seek. Hide behind a piece of furniture and say, “I’m behind the __________!”

Line up cars or stuffed animals. Put one behind the other.

After 2 weeks, review over/under and add that to Hide and Seek games and Easter egg hunts.

Learn “Not”

Look at photo albums. Point to a picture and say, “Is this Mommy? No, it’s not Mommy, it’s ______________. “

Look at pictures of animals. Point to a horse and say, “Is this a cow?” Prompt/help your child to say “No, not horse.” You ask, “What is it?”

Talk while doing the laundry. Hold up an article of clothing and say, “Is this Daddy’s?” Help child answer, “Not, not Daddy’s.”

Lay out three yellow picture cards and one card that is not yellow. Ask, “Which one is not yellow?”

Quantity up to 2 or 3

Count up to five by rote. Emphasize the /f/ in four and five.

Do one-to-one correspondence games with plastic/wooden eggs and an egg carton. To make it more interesting, make egg shakers by filling the plastic eggs with rice, beans, pasta, etc. Seal them shut with a glue gun. Junior likes to shake the eggs as hard as he can. Then help your child put one egg in each egg cup.

When your child is having a snack, ask “How many _______ do you want? One or two?”

Put 1, 2, or 3 cheerios inside plastic eggs. Hide the eggs. Help your child find them, open them, and count the cheerios. (Warning: Junior prefers to fling the cheerios across the room…. maybe I need to put a tastier treat inside!)

Make cards with 1, 2, or 3 on them. (Use index cards or stiff felt). Make 3 smaller cards: 1 card with 1 sticker, another card with 2 stickers, another card with 3 stickers. Help your child count the stickers on the cards and place them below or on top of the correct number card.

Fine Motor Skills:

Play with yellow play dough. Show your child how to squish, poke, and roll the dough between his hands. Make little balls of play dough. Stick one rigatoni into each little ball.

Stick a straw into a mound of play dough. Let you child stack the rigatonis onto the straw.

Pour beans from one measuring cup into another. Talk about dumping, pouring, and taking turns. Junior loves when I pour the beans from way up high. Cleaning up the spilled beans is a great fine motor activity.

Teach you child to unfold napkins and smooth them out. Then help him to fold and stack them. When I first introduced this activity, I was surprised at how interested he was. By the way, I was too lazy to hem the napkins… This turned out to be a good thing because tiny strands of thread end up on Junior’s clothes which he then tries to pick off — more fine motor exercise!

Dress a wooden magnetic doll. Name the clothes and talk about on/off. (I only give Junior one outfit at a time since too many pieces overwhelms him.)

Play with foam puzzles: vehicles and letters/numbers. Name the letters and shapes as you play. Junior learned all the letters just by playing with the letter puzzle.

Play with squishy window paint: Pour two colors of paint into a giant ziplock bag. Seal it and tape it onto a patio door or a low window. Help your child “paint” with his/her finger. Show him how to draw lines down and across and how to make circles. So much fun!

These nesting eggs from Target are pretty. They’re hard to open at first, but after multiple uses they become easier to use.

Pretend Play:

Model and encourage pretend play with toy food and cookware. Junior enjoys “cutting” the vegetables and pretending to stir them. He also pretends to feed a puppet.

And this one is so much fun:

Make an egg shooter! Get a roll of wrapping paper. Put one end on the couch and the other end on a low (child-size) chair. Give your child a basket of eggs (the egg shakers work well because they are filled), and have your child stick them down the roll. Junior’s siblings attached the roll to a big box, and made a door for him at the back of the box. He LOVES it! We practice naming the colors of the eggs before he puts each one down the shoot. When all the eggs are done, he counts the eggs as he collects them and put thems back in the basket. (He loves to count.)

Songs:

Junior loves action songs. They’re such a great way to practice speech. By now he has quite the repertoire of songs, but this month we are focussing on:

That’s all for now! Hope you find some fun and helpul ideas. What Easter activities do your toddlers enjoy?

A happy and blessed Easter to you and your family!

]]>https://mercyformarthas.com/2020/04/05/easter-activities-for-toddlers-with-or-without-down-syndrome/feed/4easter-activities-for-toddlersmercyformarthasSpeech Therapy Resources for Toddlers with Down Syndromehttps://mercyformarthas.com/2020/04/04/speech-therapy-resources-for-toddlers-with-down-syndrome/
https://mercyformarthas.com/2020/04/04/speech-therapy-resources-for-toddlers-with-down-syndrome/#commentsSat, 04 Apr 2020 19:08:38 +0000http://mercyformarthas.com/?p=19265More]]>This post is for a group of children so dear to my heart: toddlers with Down Syndrome and/or speech delays.

Experts say the the first three years of life is the most important period for the development of speech and language. Unfortunately, because of COVID-19, our Junior and toddlers like him won’t be getting speech therapy for who knows how long. This is a real setback, unless parents take a proactive role in providing their little ones with therapy at home. Of course, getting therapy from an experienced and qualified speech therapist would be best, but there are many resources to help parents out.

So I’d like to share with you a list of speech therapy resources that we have found most helpful. Many of them have been recommended by Junior’s therapists and by a dear friend who is a speech language pathologist.

What’s great about these books are the pictures. Junior and I can look at the pictures together and learn the signs. However, because this series uses ASL, some of the signs are too complicated for him learn.

Baby Sign Language made Easy uses signs that are more appropriate for toddlers. Although it has cute pictures of toddlers making the signs, it does not have pictures of the words themselves. So, it is more geared toward the parent. Nonetheless, I found it to be very useful, and Junior ended up learning to sign most of the words. This prevented a lot of frustration as he was able to communicate his needs long before he was able to speak them.

Toys to Develop Oral Motor Skills

We use these to strenghten the muscles in and around Junior’s mouth, particularly his lips:

Junior still has a hard time using the bubble wand, but he sure loves the bubbles. He had more success with the bubble pipes you find in bubble party packs. The toy trumpet is so much fun: you can blow into the trumpet from the back or the side, and whether you blow in or out, you get a sound. We also bought a variety of cheap whistles at Party City. You can also get packs of donut blowers at Party City. To make them last longer, I wrap scotch tape around the mouthpiece.

Articulation

Many toddlers with T21 need to be taught how to produce the vowels and consonants. That was the case with our Junior.

Some sounds are easier to produce than others, so it helps to know which ones you should teach first. Mommy Speech Therapy has a great Speech Sound Development Chart which gives you an idea of the normal progression of consonant mastery. The vowel diagram shows you where in the mouth each vowel and dipthong is produced.

Which vowels should you teach first? Pam Marshalla has some excellent resources for teaching sounds. Here is her advice on the proper sequence of teaching vowel sounds, based on her 40 years of experience.

Visual cues are very effective tools for helping children remember how to produce the sounds. You can watch Pams videos on how to give children visual cues for vowels and consonants.

I was quite surprised to learn that there is not a standard set of visual cues for consonants. It seems each speech therapist has her own preferred set of visual cues. You might prefer this video showing visual cues for consonants called Speech Sound Hand Signals. Here is a print out of visual cues with pictures and descriptions that you might find helpful: Phonetic Placement and Visual Cues. It probably doesn’t matter which set you use as long as you are consistent.

Laura Mize, a speech therapist who specializes in treating toddlers with language delays, has a series of videos for speech therapists and parents. Podcast #376: How to Cue Speech Sounds with Toddlers is very informative. She teaches parents how to use verbal, visual, and tactile cues. I highly recommend taking the time to listen/watch.

Talk with Me! The Big Book of Exclamations is a wonderful book for practicing early sounds and words. All the pictures depict the natural routines and familiar environments of toddlers so they can learn how to use the exclamations and words in context.

What I love about this set of flash cards is the way the words are organized. I knew there had to be a very systematic way to teach sounds, and here it is! The down side (and it’s a very big down side) is the cost: $199 for the first set! Thankfully, I was able to borrow some from a friend. This set of cards is mainly used to treat children with Childhood Apraxia of Speech. However, many children with T21 need to work on intelligibility, and these cards are still helpful for improving the clarity of their speech. We use these almost on a daily basis. Junior loves pulling out his cards and naming the pictures.

Of course, two hundred dollars is a really hefty price to pay for flash cards. Thankfully, you can print out articulation flash cards for free at Testy Yet Trying, a blog about Apraxia. These cards are smaller, and the pictures are not as attractive. However, the author choses her words very carefully so as to use only the easiest sound combinations (ie. no consonant blends or multi-syllabic words etc). Since they are free, I printed them out and we use these as well to give Junior some variety and more vocabulary.

One little tip: Toddlers with T21 enjoy container play. So I cut a slit into the lid of a yogurt container, large enough for the cards to fit into. Whenever Junior practices a flashcard, I let him put the card into the container. It keeps him very motivated.

Building Vocabulary

Alongside improving articulation, we constantly work on building Junior’s vocabulary.

One of Junior’s favorite games is Seek-a-Boo! It’s meant to be a memory game, but we use it as a matching game. Start by having your child match only two or three cards. (For each large card, there is a matching smaller one.) Little by little you can increase the number of cards for your child to match. It’s a fun way for him to learn basic vocabulary.

First 100 Words Sticker Book is a fun way to teach some basic vocabulary. To help Junior learn multi-syllabic words, I place these dot stickers under each picture that has more than one syllable. We then point to the sticker as we say the syllables. For example, I place two stickers under the “apple” picture. We then point to the first sticker for the “ah” and to the second sticker for “ple”.

Of course, reading lots and lots of books is a great way to build receptive and expressive language. At this age, predicatable books with repetitive text is the way to go. Here is list of 50 Repetitive Books for Children with Apraxia of Speech. Once Junior is familiar with a book, I start dropping out words, usually at the ends of phrases. He then fills them in as we read. But there’s so much more you can do besides just reading the book to your child.

Another way we’re building vocabulary is by labelling everything in and around the house. Last week, we went around the house finding all the doors and door knobs. We opened and closed all the doors and talked about open and close. Another day, we found all the windows, then all the chairs. This week, I’ve been labeling all the clothes as Junior watches me fold the laundry.

Sentence Building

We are also working on saying 2-3 word phrases such as “more _______ please”, “help me”, “thank you”, and “my turn/your turn”. To help with that, Junior’s speech therapist gave him a pacing board. Similar to the idea of putting dots under pictures, a pacing board is a small strip with two dots on one side and three on the other. For each word in a phrase, Junior points to a dot. It’s a visual reminder of how many words he needs to say. He’s gotten used to saying “more chips please” while pointing to the dots on his pacing board.

You have probably figured out that toddlers with Down Syndrome love music. Junior’s favorite activity is sitting on my lap while I play nursery songs and lullabys for him at the piano. He also loves to dance. Songs that have words or phrases that are repeated over and over are a fun way for our children to practice speech. See this paper for more information on the effectiveness of music and singing in helping children with T21 develop language.

The King of Kings is a collection of bible songs sung by a choir of children and the highly entertaining Donut Man. Much of the music by the Donut Man is highly repetitive, making it easy for children to learn the lyrics. A lot of his music is availiable on Amazon Prime for streaming. Junior loves dancing and singing along to the Donut Man. You can also order CDs at the Donut Man’s website.

Lullabies is a collection of simple piano music and beautiful artwork from the Metropolitan Museum of Art. If you can play the piano, this will be a wonderful addition to your home. All of my children have enjoyed looking at the pictures while I played for them, but Junior especially so. The nice thing about playing these songs live for Junior is that I can slow down the music enough for him to learn the lyrics.

Time to Sing is a collection of traditional children’s songs, such as Wheels on the Bus. What makes this CD unique is that the songs are slowed down, so children with speech delays can sing along, too. Don’t try to buy this at Amazon; last time I checked, it costed a whooping $400!!! Apraxia Kids sells it for $15.

Books for Parents

Finally, I’d like to recommend three books which I have found very helpful:

Early Communication Skills in Children with Down Syndrome – This is like the speech therapy bible for parents and therapists. It might be a little overwhelming at first. I read it bit by bit as my son progresses and in this way find it very informative. Lots of practical tips and ideas, too!

It Takes Two to Talk – I really appreciate this book. It shows parents how to follow their children’s lead, how to encourage kids to initiate speech, how to make play purposeful, and so much more.

One year ago, Junior could only say “ba” and “ca”. Now he says words like “elephant” and “butterfly”. The other day, imitating his older brother, he said “Sewiously, Dad!” (attitude and all!) We all cracked up. It’s really so fun and exciting to watch his progress.

I hope you find these resources helpful! Please pass this post along to any parents who might benefit from it.

]]>https://mercyformarthas.com/2020/04/04/speech-therapy-resources-for-toddlers-with-down-syndrome/feed/6speech-therapy-resourcesmercyformarthasWhy Corona-schooling is NOT Homeschoolinghttps://mercyformarthas.com/2020/03/29/why-corona-schooling-is-not-homeschooling/
https://mercyformarthas.com/2020/03/29/why-corona-schooling-is-not-homeschooling/#commentsSun, 29 Mar 2020 02:32:00 +0000http://mercyformarthas.com/?p=19245More]]>A few days ago, I asked my husband how his teleconference went. “I only spoke to one person,” he replied. “Everyone else was busy trying to homeschool their kids.”

With an increasing number of school districts closing schools for weeks, and some for the rest of the school year, many parents now consider themselves homeschoolers. After all, their kids are doing school at home. However, truth be told, they’re not really homeschooling. They’re Corona-schooling. And there are some significant differences:

In a corona school, students take on-line classes with their school teachers. In a homeschool, some students take some online or co-op classes, but children are primarily taught by their parents or (this is significant) they teach themselves.

In a public corona school, curriculum is determined by federal or state officials. In a homeschool, curriculum is determined by the parents, who become experts on their children’s abilities and learning styles.

In American corona public schools, equity laws, which are meant to put everyone on the same playing field, limit flexibility. For example, in some states, because a few students may not have internet access, teachers may not make online assignments count towards grades. In a homeschool, there is much more flexibility, allowing curricula to be highly individualized. Even packaged curricula or a co-op curricula are easily tailored to fit the needs of the individual student and his/her family.

In corona schools, teachers set the pace of learning even though they may have limited ability (due to the nature of the online classroom) to discern how well students understand the material. In homeschools, children are free to learn at their own pace. A child who struggles with long division can keep on that topic until it is mastered.

Corona-schooling is a new and rushed response to a pandemic. Teachers and parents are in a hurry to figure out what works. Meanwhile, problems with internet and technology are causing students a lot of stress and frustration. In contrast, most homeschooling parents have the benefit of being able to plan for months before embarking on the journey. They prepare their homes, their schedules, and their curriculum.

With corona-schooling many parents are neither prepared nor able to devote significant amounts to time to one-on-one instruction because of work obligations. This pandemic has caught parents off-guard, and many are scrambling to find child care, let alone the time to teach their children. With homeschooling, at least one parent is ready and able to devote significant amounts to time to one-on-one instruction.

With corona-schooling, parents have no choice but to have their children do school at home. Many hope schools will reopen ASAP. With homeschooling, parents see homeschooling as a lifestyle choice that could last for years.

At the outset, corona-schooling and homeschooling look alike: in both cases, children are being educated at home. However, their differences are important to note. Why? As more and more schools plan on remaining closed through the summer, parents will think they are homeschooling when, in fact, they are not. They are corona-schooling: trying to motivate their kids to do online assignments that may/may not count towards a grade, hoping their kids are paying attention to an online class instead of playing games or watching videos on another tab, trying to solve internet and connectivity problems, trying to explain the inexplicable common core math curricula to their kids, trying to stay on top of multiple messages from multiple teachers for perhaps multiple children all the while trying to stay on top of their regular work. Corona-schooling children for many parents is nerve-wracking. “If I don’t die from corona,” rants one mom, “I’ll die from distance-learning!”

It’s not that the teachers aren’t trying; they are. And it’s not their fault when their innovative and creative solutions are stifled by the mandates of distant federal bureaucrats. Public school teachers should be granted an “Emergency Use Authorization” to bypass restrictive equity laws so they can have more flexibility to address individual needs and abilities.

Furthermore, teachers need feedback from parents and students. Ever since corona-school started in our home for my high schoolers, I’ve been asking my teens, “How are your classes going?” When my son says, “The teacher goes through the slides too fast” or “I don’t understand the material,” I tell him to let the teacher know. Teachers need to know when kids are having a hard time grasping the material. Let’s remember they have had very little time, if any, to prepare for corona-school. Teachers will learn to adjust the pace and work out the glitches, but it will take time.

Corona-schooling elementary age children in particular is going to be very stressful for many parents. Homeschooling is not without its challenges, but homeschooling parents are at least ready and able to invest significant amounts of time to one-on-one instruction. That’s not so easy to do when both parents are working full time. Furthermore, let’s just admit it: real homeschooling requires a lot of parental dedication and grit. Parents who are used to having their children in school all day long may not be mentally prepared for the amount of discipline and consistency needed to effectively educate their children at home.

My concern is that when corona-schooling becomes too much of a burden, parents or even entire school boards will simply give up trying to educate children for the rest of the school year. (This New York mom already has, so her boys will spend the bulk of their days playing video games and watching T.V.) Folks, that is not fair to our children, who have a right to an education. We can’t give up just because teaching our children at home is difficult.

“What’s the big deal?” some may ask. “What’s five or six months of no schooling?” The problem is that when kids take such an extended break from school, they forget a lot of what they have learned. They may need to repeat the entire grade to be properly prepared for the next. But even worse, kids who are idle for such a long time will end up playing Fortnite and watching Tiktok for endless hours. Too much screen time, we know, is detrimental to the brain. Do we really want this to happen to thousands, perhaps millions of children if public school systems and parents throw in the towel?

So what can parents do?

Establish a routine at home. Create an environment that is conducive to study and free from distractions. Assert your authority as parent and teacher.

Implement this one rule: No video games or social media until school work is done.

If online assignments won’t count for grades, focus on the most important subjects: reading, writing, and math.

Encourage your kids to work independently but be ready to help them. Make room in your schedule to tutor them, and when you do work with your kids, don’t multi-task.

Ask teachers to be flexible with due dates. Even better, see if they will allow students to repeat assignments until they get an “A”. If a student is really struggling, see if the teacher can schedule time to work with individual students and/or small groups on zoom.

Give teachers a lot of feed back. Think of them as collaborators, so make your feedback positive and constructive.

If children finish their school assignments quickly and have a lot of time on their hands, give them other educational activities to do that perk their interest.

Since corona-schooling has do be done at home, parents should have a significant say in what needs to be done and what is realistic. For corona-schooling to work with elementary age children, it should mirror real homeschooling in some of its most fundamental characteristics: flexibility, availability of one-on-one instruction, and the dedicated involvement of parents.

It may take weeks for teachers and families to adapt to this unexpected shift, so parents should persevere through this time of transition. Patience and perseverance is our homeschooling mantra. Don’t give up on trying to educate your kids at home. Corona-schooling will probably get better and easier over time. So work closely with your teachers; they are your allies.

However, parents need to know that if corona-schooling isn’t working out for their children after weeks of trying and if their schools will be closed for the rest of the academic year, they still have another choice: real homeschooling. The beauty of real homeschooling is that home comes first: the needs of the individual student and the needs of the family come first. Creative teaching methods and curricula are not tossed out simply because they don’t work for everyone. If they work for your children, you get to run with it. The flexibility of real homeschooling means you can pick what works best for your children and for your schedule.

Either way, educating our children at home does not have to be an all or nothing deal. Particularly during this uncertain and difficult time. We do our best to educate our children and keep them occupied with constructive activities. We don’t have to and shouldn’t try to micro-manage every hour of their day. Somehow our efforts will be good enough.

So hang in there, Corona-schooling parents. Even if you have to sacrifice personal interests, make time to teach your kids. With patience and perseverance you just may find, as many homeschoolers have, that the time your spend schooling your kids at home is enriching, rewarding, and memorable.

]]>https://mercyformarthas.com/2020/03/29/why-corona-schooling-is-not-homeschooling/feed/7corona-schoolingmercyformarthas25 Screen-Free Educational Activities for Kidshttps://mercyformarthas.com/2020/03/21/25-screen-free-educational-activities-for-kids/
https://mercyformarthas.com/2020/03/21/25-screen-free-educational-activities-for-kids/#commentsSat, 21 Mar 2020 19:23:22 +0000http://mercyformarthas.com/?p=19206More]]>“Mom, I’m bored.” Have you heard that yet? It’s only been one week of closed schools… and it’s probably felt like a long one. Social distancing is tough on kids and tougher on parents. No school, no sports or extracurricular activities, not even playdates! How can we keep our kids occupied during this coronavirus season? Here are 25 (mostly) educational activities to keep your kids busy, engaged, and away from the screen:

1. Read. Make your kids read at least 1/2 hr – 1 hr each day, depending on their ages. Thomas Edison, Ben Carson, and Elon Musk were avid readers, as are many successful CEOs. When Ben Carson’s mother realized that successful people read alot, she strictly limited the amount of T.V. her sons could watch and made them read instead. It wasn’t long before Carson became a voracious reader.

2. Listen to Audiobooks. My ten year old has spent hours listening and relistening to Focus on the Family’s radio theatre rendition of the Chronicles of Narnia. With music, sound effects, and a full cast, this audio series is even better than the movies. If you want your kids to learn about history, try the audio drama of Story of Civilization. My kids have really enjoyed them. Also, Audible has just started offering free stories for kids to listen to. They have a great collection of classics.

3. Write letters. Encourage your children to write hand-written letters to grandparents, cousins, and friends. If they can find a penpal, even better! In addition, have your artsy kids make their own greeting cards. Maybe they can make a stash to send out on birthdays and other special occasions.

4. Keep a journal. My daughter has the most aaamazing journal. In it she has her bucket list, a list of books she wants to read, a mood and food tracker, inspiring quotes, and so much more. With a daily journal, kids can keep track of what they did each day, their favorite moment of the day, things they are grateful for, resolutions and goals, funny jokes they heard, etc.

5. Keep up with the math or master a new math skill. There are many great math websites, such as IXL, but if you want to go screen free, print out these free worksheets from PreAlgebra with Pizzaz. Each worksheet has a riddle; your kids will know they got all the right answers if they can solve the riddle. For younger kids (gr. 1-4) Kumon has wonderful workbooks that are great for drilling and mastering specific math topics. Have your kids do a page or two a day, and an extra page for each time they complain of boredom!

6. Work on jigsaw puzzles. My kids enjoy doing puzzles… sometimes we leave one out on a table and they can work on it in bits throughout the day. My favorite are Geopuzzles , which are geographic puzzles with each piece the shape of a country or state. They’re a fun way to sneak in a little geography!

7. Speaking of geography, play Find that Country. Take out a large map of the world. One person calls out the name of a country/city and everyone else races to locate it on the map.

8. Sharpen that memory! Have your kids memorize and recite a poem. We memorize one verse per week. Or use Geocards to help them memorize countries/states and capitals. Once they’re memorized, print out blank maps and see if they can fill in the maps by memory.

9. Make a family tree. You can make this project simple or elaborate, with pictures and dates. You can print out different templates for free here. Its good for kids to know about their family’s history, and making a family tree can spark some great conversations.

10. Have a LEGO challenge. Tell your kids to build a scene from a favorite story or to make a replica of a famous building. The LEGO Ideas Book has given my kids lots of building inspiration.

11. Plant an indoor/outdoor garden. Let your kids decide what type of plants they would like to grow. To make it more scientific, have your children chart the growth of the plants.

12. Go on a nature walk. Grab pencil crayons, paper, and a magnifying glass. Go outside and find something in nature your kids want to observe more closely: a line of ants, flowers, trees, etc. You might not have to go further than your front lawn. Have your kids sketch what they’re observing with as much detail as possible. Use a field guide to find out the name of the specimen. This week, we drew the daffodils growing in our front yard. We counted the petals and the filaments and labelled the parts of the flower. We rubbed the pollen onto our fingers. This activity teaches children to observe things in close detail and to appreciate the beauty of nature.

13. Make a bird feeder. Watch the different birds that come to feed and learn to identify them.

14. Learn to draw and paint. For children ages 6-8, the Draw Write Now series is an easy way to start drawing. For children ages 9+, Drawing Textbook is a fabulous little book that teaches children to draw three dimensional objects. Paint by number kits are a great introduction to painting.

15. Draw comic strips or make quote art with creative lettering. My son draws funny comic strips; my daughter makes beautiful quote art with creative lettering. At the very least, if your kids are bored, give them some paper and tell them to doodle. Twenty-six of forty-four American presidents doodled, so your kids will be in good company.

16. Make some paper crafts such as origami, paper airplanes, paper dolls, or tissue paper flowers. Some of my children have made oodles of paper dolls from makingfriends. You can print origami instructions from here and paper airplane instructions here.

17. Plan the menu for the week. Let your kids pour over your cook books and decide what they’d like to eat. Have them plan a nutritious and well-balanced menu and write up the grocery list.

18. Then,teach your kids how to cook or bake a new meal/dessert. There are many fun and easy meals kids can prepare, such as pizzas on pita bread, tacos, and chicken salad. Slow cooker meals are also generally easy. By the way, cooking with your kids is a great way to have conversations with them.

19. Learn to sew or crochet. Pull out your sewing maching and teach your kids to use it. Pillow cases and simple garter skirts are easy beginner projects. This website has great instructions for teaching your kids to crochet.

20. Learn to juggle. One of my sons taught himself to juggle with the help of YouTube videos. So this one’s not completely screen-free, but juggling is a fun way to develop focus and dexterity.

21. Build a fort. Let your kids rearrange the furniture and throw some blankets over top. Give them a flashlight and let their imaginations do the rest.

23. Make a movie. One weekend, the cousins came over and all the kids dressed up and filmed an elaborate action-packed movie. There was no script; they made up the story of the spur of the moment. The kids were so occupied with the film I only saw them at mealtimes. On another occasion, my boys made a lego animation movie by taking hundreds of still shots. Of course, building the set took hours; filming it took days.

24. Play outside! Have relay races, play tag or capture the flag, toss a football, play wall ball, rollerblade, scoot, bike, play hopscotch.

25. Do a home improvement project. To start, have your kids deep clean their bedrooms and organize their drawers and closets. Then teach them to do some simple fixing jobs around the house, such as tightening cabinet hardware and doing paint touch-ups. This week, my two older boys stained new stair rails and one of them cleaned the minivan. There’s always work to be done around the house, so the sooner our kids learn to help out the better.

I know this is not possible for everyone, but if schools are going to be closed for several weeks, you might consider investing in a quality trampoline. Jumping on the trampoline is my children’s favorite backyard activity. They play gaga ball, basketball, and do back flips. It’s an exhilarating way to blow off energy.

As the coronavirus has shown us, children are extremely resilient. They are also highly adaptable. My experience with homeschooling six kids is that in the absence of screens, children find ways to entertain themselves. Boredom can be the impetus to make them develop their imaginations, creativity, and resourcefulness. You just have to supply them with lots of good books and a variety of activities. And be firm about keeping the screens off.

There are really so many things kids can do even though they’re “stuck” at home. Think of this time as an opportunity to develop new hobbies and interests while enjoying more family togetherness time.

]]>https://mercyformarthas.com/2020/03/21/25-screen-free-educational-activities-for-kids/feed/125-screen-free-activitiesmercyformarthasWhat St. Don Bosco and Hiroshima can teach us about COVID-19https://mercyformarthas.com/2020/03/16/what-st-don-bosco-and-hiroshima-can-teach-us-about-covid-19/
https://mercyformarthas.com/2020/03/16/what-st-don-bosco-and-hiroshima-can-teach-us-about-covid-19/#commentsMon, 16 Mar 2020 12:21:15 +0000http://mercyformarthas.com/?p=19179More]]>Just a quick post today, because I really felt the need to share this with you. Many of us are feeling a lot of fear nowadays. As the coronavirus continues to spread, we worry about the physically vunerable members of our families, we worry about having enough supplies to last through a quarantine, we worry about being deprived of the sacraments.

As governments and institutions implement desperate plans to slow the pandemic, and as we isolate ourselves to do our small part in protecting the vulnerable, please keep in mind two very important lessons from history:

We need to have recourse to Our Lady, Help of all Christians.

In 1854, cholera took a lethal grip on Italy. In Turin alone in a span of 3 months, 2500 people contracted the deadly disease; of those, 1400 perished. St. Don Bosco and his priests took it upon themselves to care for the sick, despite the highly contagious nature of the outbreak. When he realized he needed more help, he asked his boys if they would volunteer. But he did so with great faith:

He told his boys that the best protection was to make a good Confession and then receive Holy Communion worthily, and he went on to say that if they put themselves in a state of grace, and did not commit mortal sin, he promised that not one of them would be stricken by the disease. — Donal Foley

Trusting in the care of Divine Providence and Our Lady, Help of Christians, he and his boys went into the streets to care for the sick and dying. Not one of them fell ill.

And then there’s Hiroshima.

We all know about the devastation that occured after an atomic bomb was dropped on Hiroshima on Aug. 6, 1945. The bomb created a huge fireball which, at 2000 degrees farenheit, obliterated everything around it for miles. Anyone who lived within a 1.5 mile radius of where the bomb was detonated was instantly killed or died within three days, about 80,000 people.

Everyone, that is, except a handful of Jesuits who lived only 8 blocks from where the bomb went off. None of the eight Jesuits living there were even slightly effected by the radiation. And their house remained mostly intact.. The survival of the Jesuits is something that has baffled many scientists, including those at the U.S. Department of Defense. But we know the reason: Survivor Fr. Hubert Schiffer testified that they were spared because they prayed the rosary every day in their house in response to Our Lady of Fatima’s request.

When the atomic bomb was dropped on Nagasaki three days later, the Franciscan mission there founded by St. Maximilian Kolbe was also left standing with all the friars inside unharmed. They, too, prayed the rosary daily. (Source: The Miraculous Story of Hiroshima )

Surviving Jesuits stand in front of their church, Aug. 1945

In light of this and all that is going on today, let us not underestimate the protective power of the rosary. In his book Champions of the Rosary, Fr. Donald Calloway cites story after story of how Our Lady protected those who were faithful to praying the rosary. Battles were won, dangers averted, lives were saved because of Our Lady’s protection over those who prayed the rosary.

Now is the time to start praying the rosary daily as a family, if you haven’t already started to do so. My husband, the scientist-engineer, marvels at how such a tiny, microscopic thing as a virus can cripple nations and put the world on a stand-still. But even more powerful is that which we cannot see even with a microscope but only through the eyes of faith: the loving and abundant graces of God obtained through the intercession of our Blessed Mother.

Let us call on Our Lady, Help of all Christians and obtain her aid through the powerful prayer of the rosary.

Here’s an example of what we can add to the beginning of each decade:

1st Decade: For the protection of the first responders, doctors, and nurses who care for those made critically ill by coronavirus. For wisdom and guidance on those scientists and researchers seeking vaccines and rapid testing platforms. Our Lady, Help of Christians, intercede for us!

2nd Decade: For a full and speedy recovery for those suffering from the coronavirus. For protection of their family members and all those who are at risk of getting or transmittingthe virus. Our Lady, Help of Christians, intercede for us!

3rd Decade: For God’s abundant mercy on the souls of those who have died from coronavirus. For strength and consolation for their grieving families. Our Lady, Help of Christians, intercede for us!

4th Decade: For protection on those who are most vulnerable to coronavirus: the elderly, those with compromised immune systems, those who have been travelling abroad, those who are in quarantine. Our Lady, Help of Christians, intercede for us!

5th Decade: For an expedient halt to the spread of the virus. For churches and schools to be reopened, and for people to be able to return to their normal daily activities with a deepened faith and love for God. Our Lady, Help of Christians, intercede for us!

Then, let us unite ourselves with Catholics around the world and pray Pope Francis’ prayer to Our Lady to end the pandemic:

O Mary,
you always shine on our path
as a sign of salvation and of hope.
We entrust ourselves to you, Health of the Sick,
who at the cross took part in Jesus’ pain, keeping your faith firm.
You, Salvation of the Roman People,
know what we need,
and we are sure you will provide
so that, as in Cana of Galilee,
we may return to joy and to feasting
after this time of trial.
Help us, Mother of Divine Love,
to conform to the will of the Father
and to do as we are told by Jesus,
who has taken upon himself our sufferings
and carried our sorrows
to lead us, through the cross,
to the joy of the resurrection. Amen.

Under your protection, we seek refuge, Holy Mother of God. Do not disdain the entreaties of we who are in trial, but deliver us from every danger, O glorious and blessed Virgin.

Our Lady, Help of Christians, pray for us!

]]>https://mercyformarthas.com/2020/03/16/what-st-don-bosco-and-hiroshima-can-teach-us-about-covid-19/feed/2hiroshimamercyformarthasimagesHiroshima_After_Atom_Bomb.jpgA Free Literature Guide to “Swift Rivers”https://mercyformarthas.com/2020/03/08/a-free-literature-guide-to-swift-rivers/
https://mercyformarthas.com/2020/03/08/a-free-literature-guide-to-swift-rivers/#respondSun, 08 Mar 2020 15:03:04 +0000http://mercyformarthas.com/?p=18708More]]>In the preface to his recent book, Literature: What Every Catholic Should Know, Joseph Pearce gives a compelling case for the study of great literature. He writes:

The great works of literature help us to know ourselves…. In the great works of literature we discover a deep understanding of man’s being and purpose. We discover that the human person is homo viator, a pilgrim or wayfarer who journeys through the mortal life with eternal life always in mind.

Indeed, the theme of journeying into the great unknown is evident in many of the great works of literature. In children’s literature, we see this in The Odyssey, The Hobbit, the Voyage of the Dawn Treader, the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, and so on.

Tales of great journeys into the unknown have a timeless appeal. They are exciting, but even more, they show us how to make wise and generous decisions. Almost always, the characters in these books come to cross-roads where they must choose between generosity and selfishness, between the wide easy road or the steep narrow path. These adventures often require the main characters to exhibit great heroism, and in doing so, they discover more about who they truly are. Further more, as Joseph Pearce points out, we often see the contrast between “the viciousness of the prideful villain with the virtuous humility and humanity of the noble hero.”

So, here is another great book for your middle schoolers to read: Swift Rivers by Cornelia Meigs. A 1935 Newberry Honor Recipient, Swift Rivers tells the story of a teenage boy who sets out to transport logs from the stream near his house, down the Mississippi River, all the way to St. Louis. The task is precarious and at times, seemingly impossible. But he is driven to persevere by the love he has for his grandfather and the urgent need to provide for him.

Read by itself, the book is entertaining and inspiring. One can’t help but admire the hero and his dogged tenacity and generous heart. But there is so much in the book worth discussing, so I made a study guide for my middle schooler. And, yes, I included questions that really made him think critically. Here it is for you to use with your kids:

]]>https://mercyformarthas.com/2020/03/08/a-free-literature-guide-to-swift-rivers/feed/0Swift Rivers guidemercyformarthasNavigating the Teen Age Years: 12 Dos and Don’tshttps://mercyformarthas.com/2020/02/24/navigating-the-teen-age-years-12-dos-and-donts/
https://mercyformarthas.com/2020/02/24/navigating-the-teen-age-years-12-dos-and-donts/#commentsMon, 24 Feb 2020 20:27:18 +0000http://mercyformarthas.com/?p=18984More]]>This month it’s official: three of our kids are now full-fledged teenagers. I know the thought of having three teens in the house makes some people shudder, but I think teenagers get a lot more bad rap than they deserve. When my siblings and I were teens, we certainly gave our parents gray hairs. But on the whole we had a great rapport with them. They worked really hard on our relationships, guiding, supporting, and encouraging us.

We can expect the teenage years to be a roller coaster ride. After all, it is a time of rapid growth and development, so frustrations, disappointments, and misunderstandings are bound to happen. But this doesn’t mean the teenage years need to be as awful as many anticipate. I can honestly say I enjoy my teens’ company and conversation. And they are often a tremendous help around the house. Of course we have our moments. So to help navigate through them, I made myself a list of Dos and Don’ts, mostly gleaned from parenting books and wise advice. For those of you with kids age 12 and up, I hope you find it helpful!

1. Don’t worry when your once compliant, happy-go-lucky child disappears and out emerges a rebellious and moody middle schooler/teen.

Do remember that your teens are yearning for independence and autonomy while trying to figure out their identities apart from you. They’ll try on different personas and experiment with different interests and tastes. It’s a difficult time of uncertainty and insecurity for them. Your calm confidence will help counter their insecurities.

2. Don’t succumb to the pressure of conforming to “everyone else’s” permissive standards.

Do stand strong on your convictions. You, not anyone else, are accountable for your children’s upbringing. Band together with other like-minded parents. Seek advice. Strengthen and support each other. But don’t violate your teen’s trust. (Don’t advertise your teen’s latest misdemeanor to your friends.)

3. Don’t treat them like their younger siblings.

Do give them more independence and privileges. But teach them that freedom must always come with responsibility. Freedom is the ability to do the right thing, and responsibility is the ability to respond to any given situation with justice, temperance, fortitude, and prudence. In the adult world, freedom and responsibility come hand in hand. To prepare them for this, help your teens be more independent, but at the same time, demand of them more responsibilities. For example, the freedom to drive should come with the responsibilities of chauffeuring siblings and running errands for the family.

4. Don’t let your teens get away with lies and deceptions.

Do emphasize the importance of honesty and integrity. To enjoy the independence and privileges they long for, teens need to prove that they are both responsible and trustworthy. The virtue of honesty is perhaps the most important virtue teens need to work on during the adolescent years. At the same time, be careful that you don’t over-react to their mistakes, egregious as they may be. This will only make them want to hide their mistakes from you. Expect mistakes: big ones, thoughtless ones. Remember their judgment is not yet fully formed. So use their mistakes as a learning opportunities without losing your cool. (Much easier said than done, of course!) You can more easily trust them if they are open and honest. They will trust you if you are calm, understanding, and fair.

5. Don’t try to win every argument.

Do try to win their confidence and hearts instead. With teens, effective discipline is more courting and persuasion than enforcing. There will be times you need to put your foot down, but remember, you’re walking on egg-shells. It may seem, at times, that you will win their confidence by giving them everything they want. But you will not gain their respect this way. Be understanding, and don’t be dismissive of their feelings or half-baked arguments. Avoid sarcasm. Verbalize their point of view so they know you are listening. Then explain your rationale calmly and very patiently.

It helps a lot to have well thought-out answers to some of their tough questions, such as, Why don’t you trust me? Why won’t you give me freedom? and All the other kids my age have the latest electronic devices. Why can’t I? James Stenson has written an excellent book that addresses all these questions: Preparing for Adolescence: A Planning Guide for Parents. However don’t expect to convince your teens just yet. Have confidence that in the long run your teens will come to appreciate your point of view.

One great way to get your point of view across is to email them an article every now and then. Hey, here’s this article on the impact of social media on teens. What do you think? If they read it, they’re getting stats and information from experts, not just Mom and Dad’s “out-dated” opinions.

6. Don’t lecture your teens ad nauseum.And don’t always expect your teens to be open to what you have to say.

But do make opportunities for friendly conversation. The silent, reticent teen may need special dates in order to open up. Consider opportunities such as shopping for clothes, camping trips, or dinner for two at a favorite restaurant. When you need to correct your teen, wait for the best time and place. Don’t correct them in front of other people, and don’t correct them when you are angry. In addition, give them opportunities to hear the truth about life and love from other trustworthy people: other family members, youth ministers, teachers, mentors, coaches.

7. Don’t criticize their friends, or they’ll stop talking about their friends.

Do encourage friendships that are real and wholesome. Remember they’re still trying to figure out who their real friends are. Get to know the kids they hang out with. Have them over at your house. Teach your teens to be proactive about choosing and building true friendships based on mutual respect. If they’re using social media, make sure that these apps are enchancing real-life friendships, not substituting for them.

8. Don’t let them spend too much time in their room with a tablet, laptop, or smart phone. Teens can be so self-centered and myopic that they implode on themselves.

Do help them to think of others. Encourage them to spend time with other family members, particularly younger siblings. Give them opportunities to volunteer, to get outside of themselves. The less they think about themselves, the happier they’ll be.

9. Don’t let them have too much free time. Idleness is the devil’s workshop, especially when accompanied by social media/video games.

Do give them meaningful work. Give them manual work. Teach them to use their time well and to develop their talents for the service of others and the glory of God.

Do be understanding. Teens today have to deal with a lot of stress to deal — so many expectations are placed on them from parents, teachers, coaches, friends, etc. Let them know you appreciate what they’re going through. Then accentuate the positive. And always keep in mind your teen’s strengths and good qualities. Show confidence in your teen’s inherent goodness. Express confidence that he/she will one day mature into a considerate and responsible adult.

11. Don’t give up on building a relationship of trust and love, no matter how tense and difficult the relationship may be.

Do communicate your unconditional love again and again. No one will love your teen as much as you do, except perhaps their future spouse. Make it clear that your decisions come from a sincere desire to nurture your teen’s holiness and happiness.

12. Don’t regard their moody behavior as a reflection of your parenting. Because it’s not. It’s a reflection of their inner turmoil, which is part of the rite of passage into adulthood.

Do stay calm and pray and pray on.

Overall, optimism and understanding!This is what David Isaacs once wrote to my parents in their copy of Character Building. He’s absolutely right.