Topic:
Anybody else asexual?

Anybody else asexual?

As you may or may not know, my wife passed away 6 months ago. Our physical relationship died much earlier, thankfully. This left me questioning my sexual attraction and what sort of partner I'd like. No matter who I think about I can't stand the idea of being sexually intimate. Like, I don't want people to touch me in a sexual way and I have no desire, repulsion actually, of doing physically intimate things to somebody else. I don't think this will change either after "the surgery". I'm just curious if there are others out there like me, who are asexual. Who would like an emotionally intimate relationship but are replused by the thought of a physically intimate one.

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I've never enjoyed sex. It was more of a chore than anything else. Even when I was living as a women previously sex was never enjoyable. However, I do like being close to somebody. Holding somebody, or being held, is very enjoyable but that's about my limit of physical intimacy. There's no chance that things will go beyond that. It feel physically sick even thinking about it.

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I think that as people we tend to get mixed up on the idea that love and sex are the same thing. What you descibe is a need to be loved. This is not the same a sex at all. We all need to be loved. Imagine, during your childhood being held by a parent or other loving figure. Sex doesn't come in to it, it is just about the need to be loved unconditionally for who you are, not what you can do for somebody else sexually. Emotionally you need contact with other human beings and the feeling of being cared for and cherrished for yourself. That is not sex.

So the feeling sick thing may not be shared by everybody (Other than a bit of self hate on my part), but the need to be loved? Universal.

I am very sorry to hear that your wife passed away. If I could hug you I would, but accept an emotional, written hug instead.

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Yes, there is a big difference between physical intimacy and emotional intimacy. It is emotional intimacy that I seek and it is physical intimacy that I have a problem with. With the physical intimacy being an issue its hard to get attached to people knowing that they like the physical and I can't do anything for them. It feels unfair for them. I'm giving it a try though with somebody that I recently met. I'm optimistic that it will be okay.