Whew! How ’bout that game last night? The Washington Capitals beat the Montreal Canadiens in a plum zinger of a hockey game. John Carlson and Nick Backstrom summoned some playoff heroics for us, but there’s a problem: they’re both clean-shaven. Do they know something we don’t?

Just between you and me, RMNB might have taken the celebration too far. The word hangover seems understated; it’s more like an aftermath. Compounding the problem, Caps Nation is looking increasingly more haggard. Scanning the #beardpact channel, I’m seeing a broad spectrum of growth. Before we get to the parade of stubble, let’s check in with the Russian Machinists.

How much did last night suck? True story: Peter and Ian had a big fight about writing the game recap. Peter was too grumpy to write it, and Ian was too grumpy to put up with Peter’s hissy fit. Today, they exchanged LOLcats and everything seems fine again. For now.

Is the change of mood due to the Caps’ pathetic overtime loss, or is something more sinister behind it? Could it be that our nascent facial hair is turning us into hyper-masculine, moody bastards? The intention of #beardpact was to create levity and togetherness among Caps fans, but it may have gone awry. Let’s take this time to redouble our efforts. No change from yesterday: sixteen wins stand between our team and glory. Within that increment there must be a lot of dudes with itchy necks and annoyed girlfriends/wives/platonic opposite-sex companions.

Let’s check in with the RMNB staff, all of whom could use a hug today.

Biostatistician and devoutly “warped” Caps fan, Stevie K, is gifted with numbers in a way that I am not. Whereas my girlfriend does not permit me to keep score at Scrabble, K has performed a statistical analysis to ascertain how soon, in a perfect situation, the Washington Capitals can secure the Presidents’ Trophy (hereafter “The Prez”) for the first time in the team’s history.

What follows is a peek into a disturbed mind, wherein the machinations of p-values and standard deviations are comprehended with ease. Abandon all hope, ye who read on, of understanding what Stevie K now lays at your feet; let the numbers wash over you and ease you into a narcotic stupor. Trip the light fantastic amidst a really big spreadsheet. I promise to bold the important stuff that makes sense to normal human beings.

Friend-of-the-blog Stevie K. is rinkside tonight at the Verizon Center. As you can see below, his seats are wicked close. He’s going to have a great view of Theo Varly Neuvi. Click on the photos to see them at full resolution! We’ll be updating this post all night long!