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Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Alpha Mail: identifying female solipsism

Bob Mando usefully explains the way in which female solipsism tends to manifest itself:

To [a female solipsist] the most terrible reality of all is the one in which anyone
OTHER THAN an adult woman has any say or influence on events. This is really the Narcissist's inability to comprehend ( much less respect ) the boundaries of others.

Marion Zimmer Bradley gets off on fondling her own daughter? Okay, because 'children don't have erogenous zones'.

A husband wants to have sex with his wife? Impermissible because it
interferes with the woman's absolute control of the relationshit ... and
therefore must be characterized in the most ludicrous terms possible (
so if the woman has just given birth after 20 hours of labor the husband
can demand to maritally rape her? you sick Christian bastards! ).

The
reason why [the female solipsist] runs to the defense of all adult women everywhere ( the
reason of the Sisterhood, actually ) regardless of the vileness of
their actions is simple: possession of the One, True, Glittery Hoohaa. It's
the flip side of every specific woman being a special snowflake who
should be able to demand undying and sexually exclusive access from the
man of her dreams.

Because she doesn't actually respect the
existence of anyone else, when confronted with a story about a different
woman the only way [the female solipsist] processes it is by casting herself (identifying
with ) whoever the adult woman in the story is.

Notice that this gives men an easy way to test for female solipsism. Simply criticize a woman who is not the woman with whom you are speaking, and who shares no significant characteristics with her except for her sex. If the woman leaps to the other woman's defense in a manner that indicates she is identifying with that woman despite their differences, the chances are very high that she is solipsistic to an extent that will cause relationship problems.

The solipsist inserts herself into EVERY topic being discussed.

TOPIC: Marion Zimmer Bradley rapes children?
ANALYSIS: What if SHE were to rape a child? SHE would certainly not want to be held responsible and punished for it.
CONCLUSION: Marion Zimmer Bradley did not do anything wrong when she raped children.

TOPIC: A wife's obligation to have sex with her husband.
ANALYSIS: What if SHE were to get married and find herself bound by an obligation to have sex with her husband? SHE would certainly not want to surrender any control over her sexuality to a man.
CONCLUSION: Marriage does not create any obligation for a wife to have sex with her husband.

This is the basis of the confusion of thinking women are the more empathetic sex. It isn't empathy, it is as described here, an often times illogical defense of another woman from a solipsistic view - "I wouldn't want these consequences if I were to do what this woman has done, therefore, what this woman has done is acceptable." This is self preservation, not empathy. Empathy would require the acknowledgement of a poor/immoral decision having been made, understanding what has gone wrong that led to the poor/immoral decision and a desire to help her not make that decision again.

There are some really funny trolls on Yahoo Answers who play on this. They create absurd and embarrassing scenarios just begging for the women reading to personally associate with and the women reading go nuts. One of the funnier ones was a man claiming that his wife had a flatulence problem when she slept that she was entirely unaware of. Another man chimed in advising him to be very careful introducing her to others, and described a scenario where the man's boss went to shake hands with the wife and she passed wind at the worst possible time. The boss would forever associate him with the flatulent wife. "Bob? No, I don't recall a Bob working for us; wait... He's the one with the farting wife, isn't he?"

The women who responded were beside themselves, as they couldn't help but place themselves in the wife's shoes and feel her embarrassment. It really is too easy if you understand the mechanics.

For Father's Day one of these guys wrote a mock question about how terrible his wife was. He told her he didn't expect anything for Father's Day and the terrible woman didn't get him anything! The women responded out of a pure solipsistic frame, incapable of recognizing that he was pulling their legs by flipping the standard Mother's Day martyr script.

SarahsDaughter is right on. On the same note, it's the same reason the lie that women are "more spiritual" gets thrown around. It sounds a lot better than "I don't want to be judged like that if/when I'm the next one caught in my sin."

Another excellent test is to see if the woman uses any form of the word “judge” or the phrase “like that” in the course of the response(s) or dialogue. Examples:

--you’re being judgmental--you can’t judge [person or situation]--don’t judge--I’m not like that--not all women are like that--my friends aren’t like that--I don’t know anyone like that--I can’t believe you are like that

On Mother's Day, I made a facebook post stating I called my mother before either of my sisters calling her. Her son was the first to call. Immediately, women starting running to the aid of my sisters with claims of why they might have been delayed. I did not participate in the conversation.

What's really fascinating is that women exist like a kind of mirror, reflecting men back to themselves. What you guys perceive as female solipsism is actually your own reflection.

Case in point. Look at how the old woman babbles nonsensically, willing to say anything, no matter how incoherent, rather than accept factual criticism of women. Because she can't help but see it as criticism of her.

I think a lot of lesser males learned to be lesser males because their mothers were solipsistic. Every time I hear NAWALT from a dude, he is invariably bringing up the subject of his mother, not his ex girlfriends

This is another thing I wish I'd understood when I was a teenager. I could see, in my own family, how Team Woman always circled the wagons -- if I said anything critical about my sister, my mother would instantly leap to her defense. (These days I mock my mom openly for doing that, and she still infallibly does it.) One thing I didn't understand was that this was not specific to these two women, but to ALL women -- criticize woman A, and woman B thinks you're really talking about her.

What's really fascinating is that women exist like a kind of mirror, reflecting men back to themselves. What you guys perceive as female solipsism is actually your own reflection.

I believe you've claimed yourself to be a Christian, GG, if what you say is true, that women reflect men back to themselves than you must realize this behavior is rebellion to God. Women are not to behave as a reflection of who men are, but who God is. You walk a very dangerous line when you consistently deny women have moral agency and can not chose to behave righteously/logically/rationally unless the man they are "reflecting" exhibits that behavior. What is Truth is stated in 1 Peter 3. What you are peddling in your "man up" rant is a lie, a rather disgusting and sinful lie - for you propose women have no need for God. You'd do well to repent of these rebellious beliefs, claim the Truth that we are all created to worship and obey God and stop condoning sinful, rebellious behavior of women (be that behavior based in solipsism or your "reflection" theory).

Sarah's daughter, how's this for the opposite of female solipsism? I care nothing for what you have to say or your opinion on either me, men, or Christianity. We may share a gender but you are so busy trying to curry favor with these men that you are of no interest to me, because everything you have to say is now colored through that lens.

"Case in point. Look at how the old woman babbles nonsensically, willing to say anything, no matter how incoherent, rather than accept factual criticism of women. Because she can't help but see it as criticism of her."

A couple of things VD, where I come from "old woman" is a term of endearment, so unless you're intending to flirt with me, pick a better insult. Second, I may have grown children and grandchildren, but I'm only 2-3 years older than you, so you betray your own fear of ageing when you try to dismiss me as an old woman.

Take heart old man, there are surprises and blessings in getting older that they don't ever tell us about.

One thing I didn't understand was that this was not specific to these two women, but to ALL women -- criticize woman A, and woman B thinks you're really talking about her.

That's because if women are talking, and woman A starts in on a criticism of generic bad-woman behavior (in which woman B happens to indulge), woman B assumes that woman A is attempting to let woman B know that her behavior is unacceptable. If woman A knows that woman B indulges in this behavior and woman A and the rest of the social group do not, this is probably an accurate assumption on B's part, and it is woman B's warning from the social group that woman B is on her way to being ostracised if she doesn't shape up.

Feather Blade, great explanation. And that makes sense, when woman B does engage in the behavior and recognizes it as a subtle social nudge.

What makes less sense is when woman B doesn't engage in the behavior herself, but still takes it personally. A man in that case would think to himself, "Do I do that? No, I don't. Not about me then." It seems to be hard for women to do that; they assume that any criticism mentioned in their hearing must be about them even if that makes no sense.

So a solipsistic woman believes that every person who talks TO her is talking ABOUT her? Seems like a stressful way to live.

What makes less sense is when woman B doesn't engage in the behavior herself, but still takes it personally. A man in that case would think to himself, "Do I do that? No, I don't. Not about me then." It seems to be hard for women to do that; they assume that any criticism mentioned in their hearing must be about them even if that makes no sense.

So a solipsistic woman believes that every person who talks TO her is talking ABOUT her? Seems like a stressful way to live.

Yeah, I don't get that one either. Maybe it's a preemptive defense against future criticism? Something intended to make the everyone else think "Well, if she gets this upset about something that doesn't apply to her, how badly would she react if it did? Let's not talk to her about anything controversial."

Or perhaps someone close to her behaves badly, she has not rebuked them for it, and she feels that having a friend who behaves badly and whom she does not rebuke, reflects badly on her, so she reacts badly to the criticism of the behavior.

Or it could just be a sign of narcissism.

I suspect it's less stressful for the woman who lives like that than for the people she talks to, because she can externalize the stress and turn it into accusations and hurt feelings against the people who were expressing disapproval.

Aside from the moral obligation for married people to keep each other satisfied, there is a purely pragmatic consideration: if you don't, someone else will.

This blade cuts both ways, the principle applies equally to men and to women. (Of course, nothing in life is ever equal, certainly not any marriage I've ever seen, and the striving for equality is as eternally futile as the striving for safety, and as equally cynical and manipulative, but that is a whole 'nother story.)

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