How to get rid of addictions and get married again

Romantic
love is often characterized by a pronounced concentration on the partner and
obsessive thoughts about him, psychological dependence, a strong desire for
emotional unity and obsession with their suffering. In fact, we put in the
center of the relationship a sign that says “I” and proclaim that we
must have this or that.

Addiction
is a delay in the vortex of pleasure — again and again and again. If a
relationship is built on such possessive love, it will not end well.

Whatever
your demons are, they make you miserable. Indulging your momentary desires, you
get a fleeting satisfaction, but at the same time deeper and deeper into the
abyss of stress and mental disharmony.

Dependency formation

There is an
ancient mechanism of learning, the same for countless species. That’s how it
works. You see attractive food, the brain signals: “Attention: calories!
Your survival depends on them!”You eat. If you like the taste, the body
gives the brain a signal: “Remember what you eat and where you found
it.” The process is fixed in memory and you learn to play it over and over
again.

People,
like the simplest organisms, are programmed to move towards what seems
attractive and pleasant. This mechanism helped our ancestors to survive, but it
gives us a lot of problems.

We want to
experience pleasure, reduce tension or, for example, feel important — and the
world offers: “Eat chocolate ice cream. Watch another episode of your
favorite TV series. Smoke a cigarette. Put the photo on Instagram.” We can
only respond to these signals and receive
our reward. But satisfaction does not last long and very quickly gives way
to anxiety. The brain is almost non-stop reminds that the cycle should be
repeated. At the same time, each time the dependence becomes stronger.

We want to experience pleasure, reduce tension
or, for example, feel important — and the world offers.

The problem
is not only that some actions (overeating, Smoking, procrastination and so on)
cause direct damage to health, work and relationships with loved ones. The very
state when you feel that something is missing is a stress factor. Addiction
makes you feel
tense all the time.

To get rid
of the feeling of emptiness, we go on about their desires, but even more
combing the wound. And you just need to leave it alone and wait for it to drag
on.

The first
step to healing is to realize the true nature of our desires and to see with
open eyes what they lead us to. Let’s look at some examples and see what kind
of “reward” we get from our dependencies actually.

Addiction to social
networks

Many of us
are used to taking selfies and posting their photos on social networks. This is
one of the most common dependencies in the modern world. Have you ever wondered
what caused it? It’s simple: we want to get the approval of other people and
feel their own importance in the community (in the animal world, respect for
relatives increases the chances of survival and DNA transmission, so that
everything is still explained by primitive instincts).

What do we
get in reality? Here you go along the seashore, but do not enjoy the sound of
waves, fresh breeze and soft sand under your feet, and for an hour you take
pictures of yourself in different poses. Or you sit at a family dinner, but you’re
only there physically. You have no time to communicate with relatives, because
you are busy with an important matter: check how many likes
friends put for your last selfie.

What do we get in reality?

“Scratching”
your ego once and having fun, you turn again and again to this source of
comfort. Why deal with the causes of boredom, anxiety or sadness, if you can
just take another photo, put it in a social network and instantly cheer
yourself up? But you do not solve the problem, but only aggravate it.

Anxiety
increases, stress increases. To live a day without another dose of likes
becomes an impossible task.

Studies
have shown that people who depend on virtual interaction, there are serious
problems with the control of emotions and behavior. And here is the most
interesting thing: they have a reduced sense of self-importance and a sense of
isolation from society.

Another
unpleasant effect is that users of social networks begin to experience deep
dissatisfaction with their own lives. For the purpose of self-presentation,
people carefully select and retouch photos, post only the best pictures from
holidays and create some perfect picture. We do the same thing, but when we
look at other people’s profiles, we forget about it and ask ourselves: “Why
is it wrong with me?” Stress increases, there are symptoms of depression.
What are we doing? We continue to “slip” in the loop of habit,
worsening their condition.

Distraction

You try to
focus on your work, but suddenly get distracted (by a message in Skype, a push
notification from your favorite information resource or, for example, pleasant
thoughts about a future trip) — and “hang” for a few hours. Sound
familiar? We see what promises us pleasure, and succumb to the first impulse.

At this
time, accumulate important tasks that less and less want to perform. Anxiety
and guilt are growing. To cope with the discomfort, we again switch to
something easy and pleasant, repeating the same actions that led us to stress.

At this
time, accumulate important tasks that less and less want to perform. Anxiety
and guilt are growing.

Dependence
on distractions is a serious problem for modern man. The inability to
concentrate not only prevents us from carrying out our current tasks, but also
creates dangerous situations (in particular, when the driver behind the wheel
answers the phone call). Moreover, soaring in the clouds, we can miss the best
moments of his life.

Addicted to love

For
example, instead of carefully watching a school play with your son, you begin
to plan a vacation that will take place very soon. Like, I like the hours
(after all, even an anticipation of we get a dose of dopamine), but what are
the consequences? First, at this time you miss something more important — the
performance of your child. And secondly, your brain won’t stop. He will return
you to the same questions again and again: “have I calculated correctly?
What else would you need to buy? What dates should I choose?” Such
thoughts do not calm, but only create additional pressure.

Remember: the wandering brain is a miserable
brain.

The ability
to be “here and now” is important at work and in personal life. The
habit of distraction (whether on gadgets or in the clouds) usually increases
the level of stress and creates a sense of detachment from reality. So arm
yourself with self-control and force yourself to focus on the current moment.

Conscientious objection

Oddly
enough, even our beliefs can be just a habit. Sometimes it is very harmful
dependence on those postulates to which we were accustomed in childhood,
various prejudices and stereotypes. We cling to our views, and ignore all
contradictions, because it makes us more comfortable.

Blinkered
thinking, bias and inability to analyze new information — that’s what we get in
the end. Even when everything points to the falsity of our beliefs, we continue
to resist and prove our case (including ourselves). And if we come to insight,
it is very painful way.

Blinkered thinking, bias and inability to
analyze new information — that’s what we get in the end.

Dependence
on beliefs can manifest itself in different ways. For example, parents often
praise the child for his intelligence, he gets used to the idea of his own
intellectual superiority and, as an adult, begins to demand from others the recognition
of these exceptional abilities. Such a person constantly talks about his
achievements and waits for raptures from other people, and if he does not
receive another portion of admiration, he feels anxiety.

Another
example: you have an idol in whose infallibility you are absolutely sure. Even
if you provide facts proving the involvement of the person to a serious crime,
you to the last will defend the innocence of his character, or to justify his
actions.

Having a
certain picture of the world in your head gives you considerable satisfaction —
to the extent that you become dependent on your views. And at the same time
lose the ability to perceive new information or adapt to changes.

There is a
difference between love and dependence on it. The disaster occurs when we are
completely fixated on our feelings and lose control of the situation.