Are your step children yours, or just step children?

I guess I was just niave to think that the horrible step child syndrome was a thing of the past. I believe that when 2 ppl are together and love eachother they all about the other, including their children, being that is a part of them. And no offfence if the other isnt willing to accept the other's children why in the heck marry that person?
I came from a family of step brothers and sisters, when my adopted dad and my mom divorced, the step brothers and sisters were still my brothers and sisters and my mom is still their mom 30 years later.
My first husband has a son, and after we divorced and to this day he still calls me on the phone and calls me mom.
I am now about to remarry, after 11 years of being a single mom and here is what happened the other day. I was at my mans work and his boss was telling me in front of her natural son and 2 step children that she gets so upset at his cousins because they are mean to her son, they call him spoiled and say he gets everything he wants, here is what blew me away, she said well he is the only child I will ever have so your damm right he is spoiled, I just looked at her step son and step daughter in amazement that those words could even come out of her mouth. She then said, well you'll know what I mean when your man gets custody of his kids, you will never feel the same about his kids as your own. I bit my tongue,she has control over how much my man works but I so wanted to remind her I have a (step)son that has been mine for the last 20 years even tho his father and I are no longer together and I already feel the children of my man's are mine and I am a big reason we are trying to get custody because the mother doesnt take care of them and that drives me nuts to see a neglected child.
I lost total respect for that woman on that day, am I crazy, dont parents have enought love in their hearts to love all the children the same or is it just a select few that feel as I do?

In my house, it's myself, my husband, our 2 daughters and my stepson. There is NO "step" in our household. We are a family and that's that. I love my stepson who is almost the same as I love my own girls. He gets all the same love, attention and respect as my daughters.

I can admit, I don't have as close of a bond with my 'stepkids' as I do with my own...but in my defense, 'she' lives 3 hours away and is barely even close with s/o (her dad), 'he' was already 11 when I came around, was used to having his dad to himself, and quite honestly made life miserable for several years because he did not want me and 'my' children around. Now he's almost 18, and things are much better. He still gets on my nerves sometimes but only like every other teenager/parent situation. I would say we are a step below a "child/parent" realationship but maybe in a good way...I am an authority figure but since I'm actually closer in age to him than to his dad he doesn't view me so much as the "old parent who doesn't understand".
Anyway...you aren't crazy and that woman was way out of line. I think if we hadn't gotten such a rough start things would have been much different for us...maybe still not quite the parent/child thing since I have been mistaken for his older sister lol but we'd have more than a year or so of getting along behind us.
My oldest daughter was not my ex-husbands'. We started dating when she was 8 months old. He was Daddy to her from day one though. We split up 7 years ago and she is still "his daughter" as far as he's concerned. So there are other people in the world like you!

I'm glad to hear there are other, and in your situation it is hard when you dont have that much time with the stepchildren to be able to bond and get that feeling as they are your own. I'm glad things are better for you now that he is older.

I have a step dad and he's been here since I was 3, I'm now 19 nearly 20 this year. I don't see my dad as he left when I was 3, so I think of my stepdad as my dad (although I still call him by his name after all these years, even though I can't remember my dad or even calling him dad!).
I remember always being worried that my stepdad treated me different to my brother who is his, and it wasn't until I was about 9 when some man came round trying to sell us karate lessons, that my stepdad said "This is my daughter..." I was like, wow - I'm someones little girl, other then my mums little girl.
I would have been really hurt if someone said that in front of me :( Some people are just plain rude!

sorry for the delay, life has taken over a bit.
It is a wonderful feeling to feel like you belong to someone, other than your mom when you dont have your "natural" father, that is cool, and you are so right some ppl are just plain rude, I havent been back around her and I dont really plan on it anytime soon