Monday, March 3, 2008

Welcome to Cleveland, Baker & Hostetler barristers!

For the eighth year in a row, dozens of first year Baker & Hostetler lawyers from nine different states gathered in Cleveland to mingle with the firm’s bigwigs.
As part of the session, the first-years attended important workshops on things like client etiquette and how to abscond with a senile widow’s Social Security checks – or at least that’s what we think lawyers study. At night, they descended on the town, where they were surprised to find that Cleveland is not New York…
With their $75 dinner vouchers, they dined at places like One Walnut and Lola, only to find the restaurants were largely empty of twenty-somethings. When asked where these alleged twenty-somethings were, they were pointed to the nearest Kentucky Fried Chicken – which offers way better eating, and still leaves you with $70 to spend on hookers and Zima.
Firm executives claim they purposely choose to have the new associates come to Cleveland. “With so much talk about the best and brightest leaving the city, we thought it would be beneficial to [do the opposite] and bring people from all over the country here,” says spokesman Kevin McCue.
But as wind bit their faces, more than a few wondered why, with offices in LA and Houston, they had to gather in Ohio. In winter.
Not that they’re complaining. Seventy-five dollars stretches a lot farther in Cleveland. – Rebecca Meiser