Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I sometimes use that phrase far to often, but sometimes i think it sums me up. There is no limit to the level's of ignorance, forgetfulness, self-centered inability to notice things or remember events that i don't pay attention to, such as keeping a good schedual. Basically my mind often enters a woe is me negative tunnel where i don't notice much. Now this can be bad since i do notice much, i am a writer, in hope anyway, but the idea that i shut down thanks to negative thoughts and avoiding things can piss me off sometimes.

A very prime example happened yesterday. I went in hoping to study before an exam. This wasn’t going to well but an hour before the exam i checked some of my notes to see which venue the exam was in. Low and behold, the exam was on Wednesday. Yep i can be that fecking clueless sometimes. It makes me wonder if having more blond hair as a child did something to me. Now that it's a mix between brunette and grease caused by wrong shampoo and recently going from long to short hair, i wonder if i have less of an excuse...

My great computer switch over:

That's right folks i have a new computer. Now it isn't a super massive blow yer mind upgrade, in fact its the same power. It's also still XP like the retro-pc whore that i am, i just can't say goodbye to windows 95/98. Although the style of this xp may look like 98 but it has some of those hot links and memory feature's in the start menu etc that i never utilised before and now i'm wondering why i didn't.

To start off the process i started to clear space on my relatively recently added 35 gb hard drive. Space and noise pollution were the main problems with this computer. It sounded like a jet engine, was the size of a baby's crib and only had about 110 GB of space that i was slowly filling up. Music being the main problem since iTunes duplicate's it all.... Now this process toke al lot of sunday morning. Here's the list of what i had to do, bare with me...:

Transfer:Downloaded software folder to my D drive( isobuster, winamp, winzip etc) Downloads folder (some music, some games)Torrents folder (all my bit torrents in one neat place)shared music (from my limewire days, mainly mp3's)Ripped music off of the internet (realplayer and myspace's golden days)Delete iTunes music library to save spaceOpenTTD and all it's installers and zip files (very important, my favourite game ever)Saved cities from sim city 3000Saved games from Civili"z"ation 2Settlers 2 ( a cute game i played endlessly when a kid and only found recently, wont work on new pc though :-( )GTA Master folder (gta vice city, gta san andreas and gta liberty city and vice city to San andreas mod, which i sub-sequentially lost.)All Zip file's, iso's and bit torrents of game's i have pirated.Music videos and Twilight the movie(what it's good!)My Picture's folder (all 4gb worth of collected images from the web and my amateur photography)

Then it was a matter of slipping the side off my old pc, named Lorraine as far as i can remember, and then take the 35GB hard drive and slip into the new machine. Now i know how to do this in theory but i still got my dad to do it. I wasn't exactly knowledgeable about which cable's and so on, not the same as the good old days when i could pop extra ram in. So new computer, to get it goin i transferred all of the spare hard drive over to new computers main one. While doing this i installed the "essential's"

So basically setting up Google chrome and setting it's bookmarks, very important. Now sure ie is what 90% of the internet, but it crashes so much. And i'm so used to google chrome now that i don't want to use anything else. In college i have to resort to firefox because it's faster but it's tab system, or at least it's older one is very hard to find and just not the same as the + icon and recently used page's of chrome/opera (partially stolen from the latter’s "speed dial" page)

After that OpenTTD. I made a "new" version of it. Just because the old folder was so messy. I have been using it for what 2 years now. There was version installers from the 0.4 build or whatever it's called. To gage how old that is they're on version 7 now! A lot has changed since then. Basically i made the new one because i had been updating on top of many old versions with both official release's and the "nightlies" (compiled update's of bug fixes that are made, you guessed it nightly, they also test new features before adding to official releases). After doing this for 2 years or so and with many old and conflicting "grf's" it was getting hard to beautify my game's when not all the grf's worked together as nicely. That and some of my saved game's were just FAR to old to work with the new versions.

When i open some of those old save's it's like a time capsule. There's no "better" roads for the towns so they are just a mess of cul de sac's and odd construction. There wasn't "path based signaling" so the trains have to stop even more at the old pre-signal system which was just more of a bitch to build. I also ran a lot less grf's which means there isn't all the pretty "stolen tree's", or any good train sets. So a new build for a new computer. I plan to also have and "old" build, older than my current one's just so i can mess around with my old saved games.

I spent a feck load of time setting up iTunes. It had to convert every bloody song on my computer. Not only that but it detected worms 3d. Big mistake. I had to delete several thousand 1 or 2 second sound clips related to the game that should never have been in the libary. That really pissed me off. And since it took about 6 hours to update all my music i got pretty bored with my pc running so bloody slowly:-( Okay so i was trying to surf the web, play a game sporadically and download stuff off of uTorrent but come on, in this day and age i shouldn't get a snail's pace doing all that....

So Monday. Oh Monday. I did my usual routine of study. And i was cramming with an hour to go to my exam. I take out my other notebook, and low and behold i look at the exam list to confirm which venue i'm in. Oh look at that, it says the 27th, my exam wasn't till Wednesday! Feckin wonderful. So i head home, feeling like an idiot. Not only that but irish rail lied to me, their website created a phantom train that wasn't on any real timetable and yet it appeared on their search results? For shame!

DS is home for the summer. Yay more cinema! Unfortunately i'm slightly busy for the next few weeks. End of exams, parents away for a week and then i have to pay back placement. That's not exactly going to be easy. Shucks. We've also been considering our future road trip across the US more. Yeah, okay so originally i would have been when we were 22 or so, so end of next year. But for me i have to set that off by a year if i even get to next year that is. And for DS he is hopefully doing a 1 year masters hopefully in TCD or some other Dublin college. So Boston to LA 2011 baby! 11 because we both would need money. Lots of it. Even to do it on the cheap we're talking a few grand here. And since i already owe my parents 7 grand for this repeat, and probably 3 million or more for rearing me, i need to either work or win the lotto fast!

That last part wasn't a joke. If i ever was to become rich i'd easily consider reimbursing my parents for the cost of bringing me up. So train fare for 5 years, bus fare for 9 years, college loan, and secondary school fee's which are more than that loan per year times 6! Stupid private education, what did it get me? Sure i'm in TCD, but i'm in nursing, academically not the hardest thing to get into, but i'm a reluctant student at the best of times. So passing is still a difficulty, study plans for the summer are already forming in my head. Pro-active protection of my very on the line ass i think..

Partay time!

Also this evening there will be a nurse's night out. Now of course they used to feckin' suck in my old year. Okay so they happened a lot and i was in the wrong crowd, wrong mood and not the same kind of person but still they were weak to say the least. The first and possibly only good one was also not a pleasant memory. I ended up staying in hall's with some of the girls. Sleeping on two armchairs squashed together with my legs trapped under the arm rest's limiting my movement. What was worse was the very intimate "couple" at the other end of the room. Twice for fuck sake. I barely knew them but damn that was just wrong, i was in the fucking room! I couldn't move, i couldn't drown the fumbling out and i sure as hell couldn't comment or join. Just a very wrong occurrence.

Now this evening. It's probably not going to happen. The main reason being i don't exactly have a crash pad lined up, or a plan. I also have almost no friends in this new year. I spent most of my free time with the Society this year. And College "face time" with the rest of my year was minimal to say the least. Placement and less lectures being the main reason. But also the severe and chronic lack of tutorial's. Which is sickening since there is actually likable people in that punch as well as most of the class reps and Jade and Mystique. But alas it looks like i'm going nowhere. Why well, i didn't plan much. My old class mate's are also finished today.

Now that's a different story. PG, my main contact with that past world isn't going out with the year. Now originally it was because of cricket tomorrow and also because of the shiteous nature of most of those event's. But also because even with my old gang of friends their sociability or partying gusto isn't exactly in existence. PG isn't friendly with most of our old tutorial group, who are some of the key members of some of the "clique's" within the year. So she didn't plan on anything. Avril is also usually a no show for most of college and a partial show for social event's. As for the rest i don't really know. Budsey my old best friend, i have barely spoken to her so that's a major pity and the rest of the group i barely knew anyway. Another development is that PG just went through a pretty shit break-up during exam time. And now she is going out tonight but with mutual friends of the ass who she parted with just so she can discuss that stuff. Now i won't comment heavily or extensively but yer man's a idiot, and rather tall, so even a stern talking to is out of the question on my part but i do feel sorry for her. Awful set of circumstances.

As for me well i would like to go out. That is if i knew more people. I don't want to cling on to certain people or anything like that but i know no-one. I've sat on my own or with chatterbox all year. Either way it would be weird. Now i do have fleeting ideation’s of what i could do, such as flirting or "scoring" with certain prospects but there is another factor that i have to consider. Puppies. Ralph and Rosey our insane puppies got the snip last week. And they need their stitches’ out tomorrow. Which means i have to be available to help my dad ship them to the vet's and mop up their car sick nature. Oh joy. That rule's out tonight or at least anything late.

Now also DS enquired about the cinema THIS week. With my exam mix up and my parents going to Spain on friday, Thursday was the only window left. So the hypothetical and the real of things fall's like thins.

Hypothetical:

I sit my exam. I hang out with certain groups in the Pav, i then head home to get ready and head back in. I then enjoy my night and pursue friendships, prospects, or canvass for the idea of being a class rep. I then either include DS in the night and crash at his. Or i switch to my old class mates if they are around dublin and crash at one of theirs or something. Avril or Budsey being the most likely candidate's, although relatively unlikely. I then get up early, easier if i don't drink, which i usually don't and i head home on the train in time to help my Dad with the puppies. Although that's difficult. Because of the early time of the appointment it would make the most sense if i met up with him at the vets. This raises the question who would restrain the puppies and mop up sick? Complicated i know.

Real:

I sit my exam. I either spend time with people in the pav or go home at normal times or with delayed mother due to heavy work load. I then stay at home and sulk. Help with puppies the next day and drop the cinema "bomb" late and probably miss the opportunity to go. But if i do, good on me.

What i will do:

Not certain. But i will buy batteries for my camera. Why? Because i plan an "Adventure's of Ralph and Rosie" blog for while my parents are away! Yep! I am that aware of how bored i will be looking after them while i am house sitting that i will document their lives’ and blog about it with cutesy dog type writing, no woof's though.

As for this evening the choice is mine to make and delegate, and i really don't know. We'll wait and see. I'll hopefully be able to do it all.....

Friday, May 22, 2009

Well i have been meaning to write this blog for a few days. It is after all a really really self serving moan bag of a blog. Basically i want to discuss the year (academic) so far and what i've done.

I apologise in advance for negativity, rambling and self-effacing depressive sentence’s and so on. I'm worried about exams, i'm not exactly prepared and doing this seems like a good idea to do because i don't have many people to talk to while i sit here at a computer waiting for my afternoon exam,

In a spring like attempt to lift the mood of this post i will try and keep the description of the year as brief as possible, REMEMBER I SAID "TRY".

So back in 08 during the lack of summer i tried to study for supplemental’s. This was a massive failure on my part. I did little to know work. I avoided the problem. I was terrified, i was obviously not right in the head. Some days i would sit at college computers ALL Day long, without bathroom breaks, and then in pain rush to the bathroom before sulking home and saying very little. My failing was completely my own doing. So was the summer exams that had led to this. I wasn't happy then either and it just continued and continued.

Roll on failure and despite trying to voice how miserable i was my parents put them at financial risk and made me repeat the year. I couldn't do anything else. I couldn't switch course without passing, i have no work experience or want to work low wage unskilled jobs. I also have an unrealistic dream of being a writer or doing something creative. So back in i went. General nursing second year all over again. Lost and upset and now finding myself with a hell of a lot more free time and no friends in my course other than Chatterbox i turned to my old friend Gammaman. Despite an even more gruelling course than mine he had made a life on campus in the society and i put aside my old prejudice at the idea of "campus elitism" (i don't know what that was all about) and signed up. After the Colours debate i was hooked, debating was my new thing. I then in my spare time spent far too long reading newspapers and sitting on those glorious couches’ then wrapping my head around the course work i had done last year and cementing it in my head. I took part in 5 first rounds of the Maiden's competition. This was mostly because of my ever presence there and encouragement from Gentle Ben and curiosity in trying to hone my fledgling skills.

The trip to the republic. That was when the first blog started. I had my thing for Hope and all that. It failed miserably. I did a lot of lonely walking around Cork. The oddest part being liberating a 3 litre bottle of coke for supposed mixed drinks afterwards if necessary. But upon arrival at the hostel the whole Hope thing failed and I-T and her studied for a debate the next day. Jilted, or angry or just plain depressed i walked back to the pub. This didn’t last to long at it was there that i discovered i was the 5th WORST person in the competition. Possibly something to do with my partner being unable to speak english, but still REALLY bad.

Now the first part of the year flew by pretty quick. And i didnt really make any friends amongst the new year, mainly because i had all of 1 tutorial day. There was brief friendship’s during placement and that went well at the time. Daisy being an example of that, and Jade to an extent.

Somewhere during placement i had a slight bit of rekindling friendship with people from my previous year. PG of course being an ever present force in my life. Despite breaking up with her more than a year ago she still talks to me the exact same amount as when we were dating but unable to meet in person. That can suck sometimes. Now in my infinite wisdom i quickly became enamoured with Cleo. She was an enigma that i was very quickly interested in unravelling. And by unravelling i mean both understanding and sleeping with. She was obviously a bit on the oddball side. The quick and honest revelation of Bi-sexuality and partaking or having interest in a swingers party was shocking to say the least. But my LUST moved far to fast. She never saw me the same way and i just got really insane about her. To the extent that i skipped a day of placement after a party in PG's and went to Cleo talking about odd dreams i had and my feelings for her. I sat in her dingy and student grotto flat and slowly went insane. I couldnt stop my thoughts. She wasn't interested in me. She was distant. And yet my mind became disturbed and i had to run. If i didnt i might have assaulted her. I was terrified of my own head and had to leave that mess as fast as possible. And i did.

Then Australia. My sister’s wedding. This was all about the family and my sister. It was a good time had. It was nice to actually experience some summer for once. But i also became very introverted while there. I was after all bored senseless. I spent afternoon after afternoon watching comedy repeats and so on. I followed all the tourist stuff. We popped up to Sydney. There i was possibly even worse. On one occasion in the sweltering heat and bare skin of aussie female's my mind wondered back to similar thoughts as to when sitting in Cleo's flat. Every female that passed me i had flash's in my mind of different acts and so on. It was terrifying. As soon as i could i separated myself from my parents and hoped on the monorail. iPod and McD milkshake weren't enough. So adult magazine, curtens closed. And i guess that helped. I then took to the swimming pool in the building we were in several times. Back for the wedding and so on i still wasn't right. I wrote one or 2 blogs, but i was still alone, still barely saying a word every day. Even at the wedding i didn't dance. I sat at my table for most of the time. Reluctantly at that but i felt paralysed with negative thoughts and so on and i just felt awful.

It didn't improve when i got home. Back into study. Well i tried. I missed my first day back and did a mini-IV in the society. Joker's IV was great fun. But without a partner i dummied just as a helping hand. I wasn't exactly in the right state of mind to talk for 10 minutes on my own 5 times but some how i did it. I contributed fuck all to most arguments and especially the last one i just felt useless. It was anything but fun but the finale was amazing and i loved it, i did have fun, of sorts. Due to a mix up over my timetable i missed some lectures that day. The next day reading the Guardian i spoke with Chatterbox and realised i had class's to get to. Then the whole Daisy thing. I had grabbed a spoon as i put it before Christmas. Hoping that this girl that seemed like a perfect match, a possible sure thing, would actually be interested in seeing me. It was not to be, she had to study. So did eye but when i spent the best part of 2 months including her in the odd fantasy in my head it pretty much hurt.

My second placement was far more lonely. I spilled to my CPC that i wasn't really happy, with my course or in general. I went through several avenue's to get help and so on. I was also sick a lot. This was to do with my water bottle, stress, the wet winter and mental health. I still have a weak to pay back thanks to that. The second placement within that placement was better, i was getting back on form. I had gone through several counselling sessions and other discussions and felt i could get on top of study and get through the year....

This of course didn't happen. My study routine didn't materialise as i had planed. I became very involved in the society. First was the Youngling debate. I had seen the request by Lenn for the younglings to get Gammaman something. Gammaman is one of my oldest friends, he has inadvertently helped me through rough times several times. The school play in transition year, the choir in 5th year/chicago trip(nothing to do with him but similar spirit) and now the Society. So i took charge of that little quest. The discussion had fizzled out so i rallied the troops so to speak and tried to get shit done. It wasn't exactly working but eventually on the day of the debate Boop and Nordie 2 helped out. I was suffering from yet another cold. I was running on caffeine and drugs. I chronicled this in a previous post but i ran around like a mad thing for most of that day. I was sick and i still did it, like being a nurse i did all these things even with or without thanks. I also fluffed my "privileged" motion to give Gammaman his gift. I did that for him to show my thanks and the younglings thanks. This was in spite of the fact i was giving more to the society than i was getting back. Thanking Gammaman more than i needed to since i didnt even get a 21st birthday present from him, but i did it anyway.

I coasted along through lectures and mediocre study for the following weeks. I also continued to spend far too long in the society. The football match and then the elections and the initial steps for the Star Trek outing. I took some photo's for the match and had a good time. Although i wasn't that sociable and that pissed me off, i couldnt think of much to say, at all. I also couldn't make it to Boops house party because of circumstance being the real bitch. DS being stuck in town and Gammaman never being able to accommodate anyone at short notice. Then the election trail. I forged my friendship with Dona and that was good. Even came up with the Trek thing, although eventually that turned out to just be me.

Then the election. What had i put myself in for. It was harrowing. And i didn't even vote for myself. I had done so much for the Society and loved what i was doing. I knew, if i made it to next year, and if i was elected, i would be very Busy. Percy pulled this out of me and did seed doubts in my mind. It also highlighted how much i was there in the society but not exactly as well know as other people. I have many an acquaintance but not so many friends. I didn't vote for myself. Hence i lost. It hurt, it really hurt. But i still stuck around. I still popped over at lunch and still read newspapers. I also organised the cinema trip, despite the turn out i eventually got i was still happy i had gotten that to even happen.

Study. Wow. Eh. Yikes. Yeah, i need to study now. Exams haven't been too peachy so far. I answered a question on Diabetic Ketoacidosis without mentioning Insulin. I technically killed a patient with a fluffed and misguided line about a glucose iv. Yep i don't know how i did that but i did. I feel like an idiot and a failure. I have GIT and Liver stuff today. I have to cram that now. I hope. I should.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Here is several pictures that i took this afternoon inbetween sun and rain and for the duration of my batteries. This time they lasted a good 105 photographs, but all daylight ones at 6MP instead of the bitching 12MP my camera can fork out.

Again with my Inq. This is the same shop front window as the "coveted" notebook for 399, but currently they have these two beauties for 329, the white one being the last of it's kind. If only i had a job, and or money!

Taken with my kodak at 6.0 MP under dark ominous clouds at the end of a sunny spell at the top of grafton street. This was a rather cool Jazz type band, the violin player at one point played with it behind his back.

Kodak, close range, and cropped by google picasa 3. This is the new coca cola "open happiness" campaign. It has a nice song with several current artists including Patrick stump (of fall out boy), it also has this cute mini-dublin which is full of humour.

Kodak, Grafton street, cropped a tiny bit to make it more "photographic like". A nice scene of a mother talking to a Trumpet player after giving him some money. The kid seemed a bit afraid of him. Also impressive how he played with one hand while giving the thumbs up to the mother and paying attention to her brief conversation, missed that shot by seconds though.

Monday, May 18, 2009

An entirely random title i know but that's the odd pile of rubbish from some studious person's bizarre lunch. Yep you know it's exam season when student type food is left as rubbish on top of tower shaped computers and left forgotten. 1.99 for spicy wedges in centra, not exactly cost affective. Any REAL student would be aware of 1.87 or so sandwich's of the week in londis. I was lucky in that mine wasn't "in the system", so the till operator keyed in a price of 1.77 instead of looking at the mirrored number's on the poster stuck to the front window. RESULT! Well not really. I also went all the way to eason's just to get a cheap SPARE pencil for my exam. 25 cent for one with a rubber on top. Reads of Nassau street, wanted to charge 1.49 for a plain pencil of the same graffite shade that is the standard HB. Reads, of Nassau street, can fuck themselves:-p!!!

Now my exam is in an hour, just around the corner actually. I've looked over stuff, i'm not in my usual forced exam confidence mode but i am trying. Let's hope things go well. I'll save this as a draft to give both sides of the same story for today and recent events.

Following this blog i also intend a blog on recent pop culture occurrence's that i have been stock piling in a to-blog list. No seriously, it's on my scribble paper under my keyboard on my desk at home. Along with ruff sketches of space ships, various doodles and intricate plans for train networks and world conquest.

A word to my readers and a retrospective look at my blog in general:

Well last weeks only published entry really pissed me off. On one hand it was an efficient use of my mobile phone. On the other it was a mental rant with frequent grammar and spelling mistakes and a narrative mindset that disturbed me, a lot. Basically i was pissed with that blog. I could have corrected it but i just didn't like it so i moved on. Hidden in the bowels of this account is also a massive rant about star trek vs star wars that isn't very coherent or finished, but i hope to fix it up with some facts and proper analyses. Wookiepedia and Memory Alpha being very important for that....

Readership wise. Well my anonymity system isn't exactly that anonymous. After all i publish this via a feed onto my facebook so it is easy enough for my friends and acquaintance's to get a-hold of it and figure stuff out. That really is of no consequence but it does sometimes seem mute or pointless. Even with a "key" bluetaced to my desk to remind me of the most commonly used nicknames i still don't understand why i even bother with the system sometimes. But i will never remove it, i like it and will forge ahead regardless. I also have to note that despite only finding 2 comments now i never realised that i actually have readers, woohoo, dances. I apologise then to them for last weeks blog, for rants here and there and for not posting in blog format all the time. That will come later today or whenever in the form of my "pop-culture" blog.

This is more of a self-serving diary blog post for now.

Bodly going back to the final frontier:

As planed i dragged society people and college friends too star trek. I had been planing it for weeks. Hell it was originally an off the cuff idea from Dona. Somehow i carried it, and carried it and it was an event none-the-less. I even had custard cream's that cost all of 39 cent, economic baby! Unfortunately the crowd wasn't what i had planed and there was still a sizable amount of us, 7 in total. But with the irish contingent and those not crippled all studying or apprehensive about upcoming torture sessions it was left to just the small group to enjoy the movie. No additional night or any such as originally planed, just a movie. Pity. Apollo however has expressed interest in going after exams so i "could" in theory press gang the rest of people to go as an after exam thing, or i could plan something for the summer. I have been toying with the idea of a party at mine for ages, just the logistics are difficult. And my parents being away the week after exams i still would have NO way of getting people to my little corner of the styxx.

I was thinking of a "who are my friends" rant or a bitch session but i think i'll leave that be. Most of it is really more up to me etc. I "have" to be more assertive, make myself noticed, so on and so forth. But then again it was painful trying to organise shit over recent months with little enthusiasm or co-operation coming back at me. But i did it anyway. Had to restrain a bitchy rant there too....

It's 30 minutes to my exam. I shall pause this blog post for now...

Phew wow, that wasn't so hard after all. Good work.

50 mcq's in a 2 hour exam. Was finished at one hour 25 minutes or so. So not to bad.

Pop culture blog now included; I was not going to do it, then i was, then i wasn't, then it was going to be separate at some arbitrary point in the future, then i was going to put it on hold, now i'll just bloody do it!

A black james bond, SAY WHA!:

Where the hell did this BS come from? African-American and British actors all being tipped to play the first "black james bond". Since when was the first Blond Bond looking for work? Daniel Craig is doing a good job, whats with this over PC media garbage of African-American' pining for a job they could NEVER do!

Who: Entrepreneur, rap artist, producer, millionaire playboy.Why: He's a bit up himself and has loads of money, he also wants to be more famous.Why Not: He has very limited acting chops and is just in it for the fame.

Who: A very talented Actor and occasional singer, see Collateral and Ray.Why: He's a real actor, a good one, and he's apparently "cool".Why not: He's just another fame seeker. Sure he's good but he's better than an action star and probably incapable of being british or afro-carribean enough.

Who: Idris Elba. Yep i don't know either. He was in The Wire for an influential run, got killed or something, people love him is all i know.Why: He's actually british, is apparently really good and has been mentioned in as in the "running" for james bond.

Who: Colin Salmon, one of those secondary actors you always recognise. He has actually been in at least 2 bonds as an MI6 agent as well as many shows.Why: He's a good actor, british and has actually been in Bond Films.Why Not: He's been in Bond films, hence he is not Bond.

Who: Chiwetel Ejiofor. Really good actor, the role I know him best for is The Operative in Serenity. I can't say his name but he is very good.Why: He's british (sort of), he's really good, he could do with being a star....Why not: He's a good actor, not really an action type actor and he's a bit older and a bit to ethnic afro-british to be considered.

Basically the American contenders are all stupid ideas. The british are more likely but they are also slightly pointless. There is no need for a "black" Bond. We still have the Blond Bond. Maybe a spin-off if the PC brigade are that pushed, bloody reverse media nazi's, know nothing about realistic film making, this is Bond after all.....

In other news my abi-stance is waning. I have started to consider several possibilities. I will elaborate futher at some other point.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Wow what a day. Okay so i had some, "some", productivity or work to be proud of or at least work in the morning. But after that well i did what i usually do in certain situation's i avoided it. By avoiding it i escaped down memory lane by walking extensively around Dublin for more than 2 hours. Yep, i have the blisters to proove it, and probably bodily odour to...

Let's see where did my fabled journey begin.... Ah yes. Nassau street, leaving Trinity and popping into spar. No beggar but i'll get back to this. This Spar unfortunatly was out of Blue bear so on to the other one on Lower grafton street. This being the only part of grafton street that alows car's any more and isn't really a street but more a large bus stop and taxi rank that's a slip road off of the tiny area that is College Green(shockingly with no green at ground level). So it was on to that other spar. And lo and behold there was the Beggar who most frequently sits at the other spar. Now he was there last friday anyway and his face is increasingly familiar so i'll just say he's usually there... 2 blue bear for 1 euro. An australian tellar i think. No chit chat of course. I rarely do, that and i had 21st Century Breakdown blaring in one ear and would let it go. It's had at least 3 plays today and it takes nearly an hour. It's also not out till friday here, so god bless piracy.

Onward to college green. There was blue balloons at the bank for some reason. Not much to celebrate in this day and age.. Saw that cuveted white laptop again, so pretty "only" €399.

So the plan for my walking was to go all the way to camden street and buy popcorn kernels for a euro. I found out they were a euro in this particular health shop last year when i switched to meteor on my old phone, ill fated idea but saved a lot of money if not stumbled my fledgling new social life. So instead of turning at George's street as one would normally do i turned at central bank and past the "Bankers" pub and up past laser. I was heading for the "mercer's" junction beside the old hospital. I didn't exactly know where mercer's street ended up so i planed to walk as far as it went and cut across to the extensive mass of what i colloqually call "Camden street" despite several street's making up it's length. In the middle of mini-temple bar i spotted an "antique" gallary. Intrigued i stepped in to have a mosey. It turns out this was part of the Powerscourt centre that i had only discovered on friday, it's just the back of it. Some really interesting item's there. Like these two camera's:

Then exiting onto the other side of the centre i waled up towards the "mercer's" junction beside the hospital and at the back of the St Stephen's green centre. I cut down the street with Mao's and notice the red building was apparently DIT's music campus, interesting. Then up Mercer's street where i saw this interesting shop:

It was just on it's own in a block in an alley way with a few garage's. A nice little nook beside the Corpo flat's with a newer development just behind me.

Past the Corpo appartment blocks. Relics of the 60's and 70's but in good nic. Cleaned up from the last recession by the look of things. Then i end up on that avenue that leads into St Stephens Green South and i now knew the extent of Mercer's street. Instead of turning left at the bike shop on "camden street" i walked further west. A lot of these shops were ethnic or closed and the gaggle's of people passing were either football loving type stocky male's or innercity immigrant's with the odd student. Past DIT's main building i turned left. This is now the sight of an Optician centre. When i was a kid the footpath was thiner and a newsagent's was there. I remember it well because i lost my sister's favourite teddy bear there. Mr Lion. I took him into the shop and left him in the milk cabinet and then got into the car not realising. When my sister asked where he was my dad went back in. It had been maybe 10 minutes and somehow the bloody thing was gone! I was only 5 or so a the time and to this day i don't know how or why someone would steal a damaged bear that was sitting in a milk cabinet amoungst the butter and 2 litre bottle's. I'm still in trouble for that one....

After that i stopped outside the Meath hospital to find out that it was the Meath hospital. I knew it was some sort of medical facility but i hadn't a clue what it was. I still don't actually know what they do there but now i know where it is... I turned left onto a street just opposite the Hospital and saw yet another DIT campus and the what was either the back of the main one or a 2nd one opposite the other. I then saw the oddest little "park" which was actually a former church and it's graveyard. Interesting history but slightly disturbing that it was basically chock full of catholics and DIT student's, local's and a few business types were eating lunch ON GRAVES. This street according to Google Maps is Camden Row. I then crossed the street and entered a Wholesale warehouse. Basically a supply store for newsagent's and other business's. A large pack of 30 or so 500ml coke bottles for 13.99 which seemed good enough. I scouted around inside but unfortunatly couldn't find Jolt Cola amoungst the shelves, pity.

Then out again on this whistle stop exploration and i recognised where i was. This was the back of the place where Emily played their last gig. For the life of me i can't remember the name of it, the Village or something, i don't really care. But the graffiti in the alley way had changed and these two mural's where there:

Then onto the real Camden street. In fact according to google maps this stretch is neither "lower" Camden street nor "upper" Camden street, its an in-between sort of area. I eventually found the shop i was looking for. The secondary door was locked. In the main door then. OH dear god no. Health freak yuppies. Nearly 20 of them queueing orderly in the middle of a very narrow shop. I wanted to jump through the crew and dip down into the secondary part of the shop, ye know get my popcorn... It took a few annoyed minutes at the mass that was the crowd. I then got down there and found the popcorn pretty quickly. But to my annoyance the price displayed on the pack i first picked up was €1.12. No fair. I then rummaged at the other pack's and there it was at the front a pack that said €0.96!!!!!!! Thank feck for consumer law's! I remember both from my business teacher and my english teacher that Ireland was very fortunate to have this great rule where you have to pay the cheaper display price if you can find it on the shelf and prove it to the people at the till. It's just wonderful. Weary of the bar code and all i said fuck it, i knew that law. I get to the till. Both cashiers wearing head scarf's and dungarees, what kind of health food shop was this, a authentic one? God forbid. And after seeing business people struggle to find small change and hand over 20's and 50's instead of small change for organic roll's i rocked up to the counter. Hand the lady the bag of Popcorn Kernel's and she just looks at the price and typed 9 6 into the till. I fork over 1 gold and silver coin and get a couple of coppers back. Good times.

Now in my infinite wisdom i saw the green dome of Rathmines. Would i do it... Yes i would. So i waled into the 'Bello. And amongst some sorry abandoned sites in the heart of the cities centres outer edge i saw this shame of a building. Such a waste, the shutter to the right used to be a very small pet shop at that.

Over the canal there was no direct crossing to the main rathmines road. Also aware that it was house's for most of the way i cut left. I then took the first road to the right. I knew this small road well. I used to walk parts of it to go to school when i lived in Rathgar as a kid. Inspired i though why don't i look for that old Tram yard that the Corpo dumptrucks used to sit. First i saw this great Stenciled graffiti, pure class:

Seeing postmen go up and down, cars narrowly pass each other i finally got to the old tram yard. This was a depot when trams were the thing in Dublin. Rathmine's was the outskirts when this was built now it's an inner city village just a few minutes over the city boundary that is the Grand Canal. It hasn't changed too much since i was a kid it's still a Corpo place for rubbish, but now more of a recycling and brink centre. Also the ground was re-tarmacked to handle the enviro-conscious traffic. This meant that the tram tracks were no longer vissable. There was a few left when i was a kid in a short stretch with cobble stones, all gone now. I then emerged out of an alleyway in front of the Libary as the clock struck 2. Into the oxfam shop for a quick mosey i saw a box set of Star Trek movies in VHS format, it was also such a small set that i guessed it had to have been at least older than 1997 so probably no First Contact, and thankfully no Nemesis but at least Insurrection was a fun double episode type romp.... Into the swan centre, damn it's barely changed. And Dunnes Stores, it has the same layout as the last time i was there, well almost the same. I think i was 13 or so the last time i was there. The cheapest item i could find, 2 litre's of water for 30 cent!!!!!! Next cheapest was St Bernard custard creme's for 39 cent, i almost bought them at that! Leaving the centre i realised how small it was. But the shoe shop where my childhood school shoe's and runner's with those stomp lights were bought. The cobbler's was also in the same place. Then as i faced east looking on towards Ranelagh i made another split decisions, Rathgar!

My old home, i was going to look at my old house. So i did it, i waled on. More and more conscious of the time i ruled out a whistle stop visit to the dodder park or even the old "family" garage on the Orwell road. So up to the Rathgar part of the Upper Rathmine's road. At the little village there i saw a great sight. The gender confused Lateshopper/Am Pm had finally returned to being a Lateshopper. But as i reached the corner, a mild shock. The old car dealership that i think may have belonged to the father of a guy in my school was sold. It was now a supper massive Centra that wasn't even open! That's the modern age for ya. Reaching my old road Villiers road i desided to head down the back alleyway which connect to all the garage's to see if i could figure out which house was mine. Didn't quiet work though. I then walked back up the street and found it. The large red brick of the particular turn of the century house that was mine in my childhood. I took a photo with my phone to document how it had changed but to "protect" the current residents, the people who ripped up our decking and cut down our Eucalyptus tree, i won't post it.

I then went to my old childhood newsagent The Villiers. Ah the memories. A great story of how at about 4 my sister once asked for a reciept when buying pennysweets and gobstoppers. Or the time when i said to my dad i would be a minute while he waited in the car and i spent 10 minutes trying to buy as much sweets as possible with around 30 pence. The interior had changed. But the store seem'd the same. It wasn't as cramped and it was still child aimed. Toys on one side and a great selection of pennysweets and shite on the other. I ran through what change i had. Very little, i could have barely gotten those Custard creme's if i had wanted them. I settled on a refressher bar, for the sentiment. 25 cent, it used to be what 10p for the small one maybe 20 for the long stick, good value!

On down past "Hall's" (trinity's home away from campus for culchies and 1st years), and past Palmerston Park and onto Palmerston Road. I could have gone into or around the park to Temple road but i didn't, after all getting the Luas at "Alex" would have brought back so many memories that it would take up half the blog.... So i walked on certain that my sense of direction would either take me down to the road between Rathmines and Ranelagh or weave me through the estate's and to the Cowper Luas stop. I weaved. This took a while. Amazing massive houses, upper middle class. Tree's galore, petal's gushing all around in the brisk breeze and clear sky. Just as i was beginning to fear i had gotten myself lost i reached my Old gp's office. And right to the right of there was Cowper. I sat at the Luas stop. I was knackered!!! I took some swigs of my water, it had been at least 2 hours since i had had most of the Blue bear. At this stage i could already feel blisters too. With not a penny to my name and a packed luas passing me i cross the tracks and affirmed my theories about my ware abouts. The house's behind cowper weren't that far from Sandford. I had walked it once before when the choir had to go to Alex during the day time and we didn't have money to get the luas. So i said feck it, i'll avoid the fine's anyway. So i got into ranelagh.

Ah my spiritual home. I spent most of my life going to school in this area it was as if i lived there. I popped into the Twin's in the Orchard, i think i got the good one, no sign of Mr Evil. With all of 18 cent in copper i got some pennysweets, oh the memories. I also spotted the new gym in sandford, me and gammaman had only visited in November and it wasn't even under construction but even during the recession it was now finished. GO PRIVATE SCHOOL MONEY!

Walking into the "village" things had changed. The "bus stop" newsagent's at the bus stop was now a new hair dressers. The chew n chat pizza place which had been there since my childhood was you guessed it, another hairdressers! I was shocked, the ill-fated and health risking bureito's and blue's was still sitting there unused and rusting while good 'ol chew and chat became one of 4 hairdressers in a village full of café's? The order of café's had also changed. Some hands, some style and in the case of Mint the michellen star restaurant, Bankrupt. I crossed the 1st triangle and an odd new monument was there with a bicycle buried in under glass and lights. For some charitable person or something. Eager to find out the fate of the old McD's sight i was shocked when i walked in and found it was a bizare bastardised new extension of the centra next door. This was just plain weird. I remember going there for a breakfast with some of the stoners after the 4th year school play's massive piss up and first time i drank. I also remember lunch during the leaving cert getting a happy meal for the craic. The worst McD's in Dublin and it was now a massive centra?

The leaving to my shock across the road a former and infamously bad pub was now a "trendy" superquinn with a café front elevated above the street with glass box windows. I rested for a bit in the park behind the luas. Then read an interesting fact file about a balloon lunch there in the 19th century. I then hopped on the luas and back into town.

To paraphrase The big bang theory "as with real estate voiding is all about location location location." This is in reference to the fact that i've gotten used to using the bathroom in the Gimby. Even if i wasn't sure if it was "open" or not i still went there. On my way out i ran into Nordie2 and explained my walk. I then hit up the laser huts and checked my emails and started to draft this blog. On my way i saw people in scholarly robe's playing frizbee in the sun on the cricket pitch, what an odd day.

I've got a couple of blisters, probably over worked my unfit muscles, and possibly got a slight tan. The forecast is good for tomorrow which means it's going to be a bitch to study. But I REALLY HAVE TO. I see my good camera beside me and my last batteries, i will save them however, i could go a wondering again but i won't, i mustn't i'd be mad.....

Toodle's, blog type blog soon. I intended to include more personal history but it would have made this even longer, be thankful for that at least!

Friday, May 8, 2009

So yeah, i opened with a profound statement of my own. Let's see what i ment there, cause feck it if i know. That will be in my first ramble. Then i will review star trek, muse about an odd day today, and talk society and social stuff possibly split in two, then stuff from my label's i think.

Optimism vs pessimism, or current pessimism future optimism?A political and science fiction rant.

Yeah, even with the risk that i may be awful at spelling that is an argument i seem to always ring out in my head. I basically think as an inherent ideology in my head that the present is shite, the past was far from perfect and the future could be great if we just did the right things. I not quiet so firmly believe that bad things are necessary for good things to happen. History is written by the victor's even if they were justified or wrong in the actions that brought that victory. Look at it this way. From the point of view i am trying to explain completely awful things like the holocaust are actually "good" for history because it teaches us never to do such a thing again. We learn from our past. The underlying current of Democracy is that it may not be the best form of government but it's better than everything else.

With Democracy,and in its current form with capitalism tagged on for the ride, choice's for society are decided upon by open discussion and 3 structures. The government, the courts and the legislature etc. The courts work off the law's, the courts change the laws via precedent, and the government governs and proposes laws as necessary. The laws in theory are reflective of the public’s opinion and choice and define their society and wishes. If history was "democratic" half the time we would have NEVER gone to war. Man's inhumanity to man is possibly our greatest talent. Of all social constructs, of all out achievement our greatest accomplishments and subsequent lesson's all come directly from beating the snot out of the other cave men for the most trivial of things from food, sovereignty or shameless hussies (yes you Helen of Troy!). Eh in short hand, if voters really had a choice of how history played out we would never has progressed as far or learnt from our innumerable mistakes. Yes its hypocritical but the basic idea behind my view point is that we need bad people and bad things to happen frequently in order for all the good in history to take place. Good doesn't triumph over evil but instead succeeds thanks to its very existence.

To look at this from a sci-fi point of view, star trek is a great example. That wonderful franchise is optimism to the extreme. Its a communist paradise where resource's and self-actualism are in abundance. Its a great place. They're self righteous, self-deprecating about their past and basically selfish. Starfleet is a homo-sapiens only clubhouse, imagine swashbuckling philanthropists with phasers and shiny easily torn uniforms. Basically despite its great idea's and wonderful optimism The Federation is dark te fuck. DS9 expressed this best. Despite being the "least" trek show in the franchise it "got" it spot on. Beneath the shine of the peaceful federation there is necessary evil, there is a history of genocide, bad time's and generally abhorrent things. Star Trek's history differs from ours from the 90's onward. The Eugenic war's under Kahn Noonien Sing devastated 1/3rd of the world. Then in the 2020's economic woe meant poverty was fenced off in some American cities, Gabriel Bell changed that in the "Bell" riots. Such a good act was undone not to long after with WW3. 156 million or so were wiped out in nuclear holocaust. In the ashes’ Zephram Cochrane an alcoholic genius built the Phoenix to travel faster than the speed of light and allow himself to retire in paradise. His action attracted aliens and well the rest is fictional history. In that troubled time however the radiation poisoned are slaughtered and United Earth didn't have a good time either. Enterprise, that weak underused and disaster of a spin off tried to cover this but we missed out and we don't know it all. But basically Trek is far from perfect. And under it all a secret secret police Section 31 carries out assassinations, plagues, genocide and acts of terrorism all in the so called name of protecting Paradise's interests, without paradise knowing about it.

To me this makes perfect sense. What would you do to keep such a perfect society? Would you let it fall apart or would you let even a few misguided people undermine your very principles with bad actions in order to protect you without your knowledge or recognition. Sure these people should be brought to justice, but truthfully what they do is for the greater good. "The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the one", a so called Vulcan proverb. This was best covered in the DS9 episode "Inter arma enim silent leges" (loosely translated in the episode as "in times of war the law fall's silent")which justified assassinating anti-federation politician in order to get a more moderate supporter into power. In possibly the best star trek episode DS9's "in the pale moonlight", a loose reference possibly to "have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight" from Tim Burton's Batman, Again a Romulan is duped into believing that once the federation is annihilated by the Dominion Romulus will be their next target. This is in fact a fake-out made by Sisko and Garak as a means to get the Romulan's to help in the war before it's too late. The Romulan Senator twigs this but is assassinated on his way home. The forged recording despite its forgery will now be believed by the Romulans because the senator was killed for it, supposedly by the enemy. The end's justify the means. Billion's of lives’ are saved by doing something utterly evil for the greater good.

I would love to incorporate this idea into my own writing as well. In my bigger sci-fi idea that's mainly a tv series idea, this would be the main premise of the show. The ship is an adhoc attempt to show confidence in a fledgling intergalactic UN, that old chestnut. Confidence in the union is less than low. The local region of space devastated by war and economic woe etc. Humans and others are far from United or willing to work together. Regardless the government put together an inter-species program to have ships roaming around their space keeping the peace and handle crises as neccissary. The crew believe in their mission while the public don't. A camera crew documents their actions and support slowly grows as the ship and its fleet slowly create the stepping stones for what they believe in. Their past is pretty chequered and they do some bad things along the way but it's all for a good cause. Like the "Operative" in Serenity (the Firefly movie), an assassin killing for a future he doesn't belong in.

Star Trek: The Future Begin's;

Okay so i already nerded out in the last rant. I am sorry for that, couldn't be helped. But basically it is an amazing entertaining movie. You do not have to be a trekie to like it. It's a little fast passed and it doesn't let up. Some of the plot points are a bit "convenient" but otherwise it's entertaining fun. I just feel it's a pitty it was so short. The Baddie is also a bit underused, he's a bit of a MacGuffin in that he's not that menacing, he's just a plot point. He's out for revenge but he's pretty merciful at the same time. An amazing movie, and a great new hope for star trek as an ailing franchise. It is in the right hands and I AM ANXIOUSLY AWAITING THE SEQUEL!!!!!!!!!!

Oh today, what is today, a good day:

No i won't give you more trek, well just a little. I don't fully support the Klingon adage of "today is a good day to die" but it is a good phrase. Today despite minimal work towards study has been a good day so far. I got much needed sleep. Got into town around lunch time. Arrived in rain then walked with sunglasses on as the sun popped in and out. Noticed an amazing arty door in an alleyway that was an entrance to Grafton Street's Bewley's that i had never seen before. I then had a rather good time having a walk and talk lunch with Hope. I had no aim or goal for the lunch and i didn't actually have lunch but we walked and talked anyway. I took her up to the Garden of remembrance just for a patch of green and ye know, culture and all that jazz. In all the wonder of beaming sunshine, spotted rain clouds and wet gutters Hope managed to strike up a chat with the Groundskeeper sweeping the Swan fountain.

The fountain with those children from myth violently transmorphing into swan's was full of soil, sand, silt and spare change. It smelt strongly of salt and the mulch of mud. The worker was at first reluctant to talk to her but somehow she struck a chord with him and they started talking local politics and the recession. After reading in vein the irish poem i could barely pronounce or understand without the English translation,( a result of an uninterested waste of a very good pointlessly expensive education, squandered on my indifferent youth). I then joined the moaning that is most recession and irish politics’ talk. I interjected a few points but it was mainly their conversation. I instead picked up the smell of the pond, the sunlight popping in and out of the clouds right above the Irish tricolour dancing violently in the brisk, sharp and unrelenting wind. Hope moved on to the injustice of 7,000 home's foreclosed in her florida home county, the same county as NASA and many MNC's, all that money and the marshland was still fucked over. Ireland fairing no better of course. Us both pretty much middle class people, she linked to a diplomat, me more to a former rich middle class family slowly loosing fortune thanks to my sister and my private education and missing out on inheritance. Here we were in a public space discussing the 2nd international debate, the state of things other than weather. To a salt of the earth Groundskeeper, wellington deep in soil and change in a war memorial fountain. I was more aghast at the image than actually able to join in in the conversation.

I then in jest tried to return to Campus via the middle median of O'Connell street, explaining the foley of the 4 lamppost’s at the north end, the insane and out of place tacky "Christ in a box" that was put back just for the Taxi drivers, and generally the plight of what was the north west end of this "THE REAL MAIN STREET IN DUBLIN". I have an affinity for that area. Despite being a massive southsider and basically a spiritual resident of Ranelagh i long to see that end of O'Connell street reflect it's local's and an actual functional purpose. I'd love it to be a Chinatown or something, another temple bar but run by the local immigrants and the Moore street market sellars. A cultural hot pot of real inner city Dublin. Instead it's a wasted space, desolate, patchy and forgotten. All well for me to say, I’m in a port-a-cabin in Trinity as boombing bass prepares for the "biggest" private party in europe. I also live in a bungalow in the styxx that is County Louth. I'm no more a southsider than i am now a constant commuter. 2 hours or more everyday devoted to using our inadequate Victorian train service. As i stated to Hope, emphasising my lack of knowledge about the Celtic football team i couldn't be a less patriotic person. I know sweat f'a about any of the Fenian or republican thoughts and couldn't care less. I'm posh, middle class, lazy, hypocritically socialist and a nurse. My blood isn't green like some people. I'm fully aware that my blond hair means i'm Norman in origin and not irish. I take this to mean i'm more of a european than any kind of nationalist. And i'm fine with that.

As we walked back Hope dashed ahead at every junction catching each amber light. Her wavy blond hair battered and beaten into a straw like appearance by her gym utilisation before our meeting and the extremes of the almost gale like winds. A brief meeting with Boop in front square amongst the beer concession stands being built and a stage being errected. I parted ways with hope and entered the Laser huts, for study and this blog.

Thus was my day.

Examblor is approaching!!!!!!

Yeah must get to work soon. Last lecture yesterday. 2 weeks to exams. The sun is shining. People will soon be partying and the Gimby is closed for the rest of summer. No newspapers or banter to distract me. Less of the face's i've grown to know about campus. Now it's all work ahead. I have to get to 3rd year. I have to get through to 4th year. I have to try and get work as a qualified nurse here, doubtful. I have to work at the vain of my education in order to pursue my dreams. Somewhere in all that i have to also keep writing to practice, to develop and to hopefully one day get something published or developed into any medium.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Damn i am zonked. Well it's sort of my fault. Well no, it is my fault. F'd up sleep pattern. I keep going to bed very late. 1 am sort of late. When i have to be up at 6am or so that's pretty shit. And since i am not on placement or not very active since i am supposed to be studying and attending my last lectures until next actual "year" i shouldn't be to tired. Indeed i should be well rested and ready for the world. But with 5 hours sleep last night, and maybe 4 before i am knackered. Hell i think my body's haywire. The very late night of the AGM has screwed up my system and it's a week later. Not only the whole 3 hours sleep on an armchair but all the walking to the 'Bello and back and then the excessive walk i took on friday. Oh did i not mention that. Yeah the luas had a technical fault. I had to walk all the way from the workhouse to Westlandrow and i did it in an hour. That's what 6 Km or something, i could use google maps and or something but i couldn’t be arsed, either way it's a long old walk. I'll get back to that later after i get back to my intro point. Yeah basically my body was wrecked by added work it hasn't done in weeks. I then vegetated on the long weekend and i didn't feel the affects. But the second i reactivated with little sleep yesterday there was cramps in my calf’s and general ouchies from any exertion despite wanting to have a spring in my step. Nay fun.

Right that was possibly one of the longest intro's i've done in a good while. Rant style i guess. I don't really have a framework for this post, i could write one now. I have my "writers/scrap" notepad, my iPod on shuffle, a pen in my pocket and a second can of Blue Bear in my coat pocket. Dirt cheap at 2 for a euro from the Spar on Nassau street. Ye know the one. It usually has a beggar infront of it. Oddly not a licensed beggar as it seems to change person all the time. You'd think they would have they territory claimed like in pre-recessionary time's but oddly not. And today there wasn't one. I was actually willing to give my dwindling and rapidly disappearing assorted change part my wallet and enter a coffee cup. Alas it was not to be, either people are that charitable when they're broke or it's dole day or something cause there was no beggar in the beggar sweat patch beside the door.

But yeah a plan for this post...... Oh yes very lazy, onto that one:

Basically i am so tired that my procrastination, laziness and avoiding study as well as "avoision" knows no bounds. I won't dwell on it too much but i really need to work. I really need to set up a routine. I have those sociology books still. I renewed them in the libary on my way home yesterday. Possibly to con myself that i would actually work or to avoid the superfine's. Yes the superfine's. 2.50 a day or something, shocking. Now super attached to anything is always pretty cool, especially since a acquaintance in the society who got lumbered with a superfine is pretty superfine herself but unfortunately that was just a lead in to a pun i wanted to deliver and not really a coherent or necessary sentence. Wow, long sentence...

What i have been doing with my time:

Playing Open Transport Tycoon Deluxe: I love this game. Most day's it's on in the background paused for sandbox cheating or to stop the little dings interfering with music or pirated tv-shows online. My current game is yet another experiment in my "skill" of building big networks. I'm rather impressed with it. Some congestion here and there and some rather cool new "innovative" junctions that i'm kind of proud of. At the moment it has 2 large ring route's and 2 small local routes with branches and 1 large farm and wood cargo route fuelling some of the busier towns inside my 2 ring networks. The 1st ring network has only a couple of branch's and a few by-pass tracks with solely terminal stations and 1 large "interchange" terminal station or "major" station.

The second route was built later with a lot more money and crayonism at hand. I actually sculpted my way around the map to make the network work for me. It's main Major station was built on the wrong side of a town with nothing near it but a good tram route and bus connection soon made a city grow around it, increasing its importance. I also have several branch's and by-pass tracks on it to allow as many route's as possible and more traffic. Some aren't even used but it's a good back up. Now it has let's see, 2 smaller terminal's, 1 mainline major station and an "intercity" major station built in the harbour of the first town i settled in. This was really creative, making land just for my route. I also used it as a connection to the 1st network and stuck in another terminal just down the road from another one using it's express tracks and so on. Basically making a massive inter-city service i had never built before and with enough track and by-pass's to make it easy for that service to not be disturbed by local one's.

I'm now planning a 3rd ring route. This one will cover the so far un-tapped south of the map and finish off the map from an interconnected line point of view. At least 2 terminal's of possibly a ro-ro nature are planned. With the small branch terminal's of the 2nd route being evolved into new major link's to this route and inter-city stop over’s for it. Fun sandbox time's ahead.

Playing Civili(z)ation 2: I still love this game and i play it from time to time. Just not as much. But i've really gotten into this current game. I'm the Babylonians, i'm cheating but i've finally perfected my economy and so on. Unfortunately my enemies are far behind and far away. Brief war's have been fought with the russian's and vikings and the Sioux but there's little contest. I gain cities and then have to commit more and more time to cities i don't really want. Very little challenge, not much of a war when you win all the time. So i recently cheated all the smaller nations to spread all over the map, updated most of their tech to my level and chucked loads of money at them. So within a few decade's i could actually have a challenge on my hands. Fun fun.

Catching up on Ny-Lon 6 year's late: This is a surprisingly good show. I liked the look of it when i saw the trailers years ago but for some reason i missed it. We didn't move house in 2002 or 3, that was 2005 or so so why i missed it i can't remember. What i'm loving about it is how well it's made, how well it's dramatised and just the strength of the characters. They are far from perfect likable people. They are both lying through their teeth not only to each other but to their friends, edie especially. The shit keeps hitting the fan and somehow they wriggle their way out of it and manage to fly each side of the Atlantic each weekend in a very unrealistic way. You can tell it was boom time's even if was after 9/11. I know he's a banker and a bit of a twat but new york every weekend or other weekend just for a girl who's deceiving you, and you're deceiving is slightly insane. But when they are together it seems to just work. Despite how fucked up they are they seem to be meant for each other. I know it's the plot of the show but when they do have moments together it works. It's the fact they are lying and wriggling for the rest of episode's that makes it harder to believe but also just as compelling. How did i miss this short amazing series?

Hmmm, Honesty. Do i really want to do this one... eh first college buzz:

Yes the college buzz. Well there's not much actually. I'm still rather pissed at the lack of time we're given for tutorials. I barely know anyone in my current year. And since i suck at socialising anyway it's kind of difficult to get to know them. Now other than the obvious teenage shyness that still fester's inside of me i would like to know those girl's more but alas it won't be till next year, if i get there.

It also came’s up time and time again how little i really know chatterbox. Like other than her constant talking which as a mental disturbed person i see as some kind of underlying psychological issue and so on and so forth. I can't help that, i try to equate everyone’s actions to some kind of psycho-analysis although not all of Freudian of course, but that is such an easy one if not only 10% correct and heavily biased and open to interpretation. But anyway she's an enigma. I really know sweet f'a about her other than she talks a lot, is uneasy, babble's and talk's about her sister and flatmate a lot like i'm supposed to know them. On friday i ended up having to walking into town with her because of the #Luasfail so walking we went. Despite slightly more conversation that actually resembled a conversation i still couldn’t get a lay of the land so to speak. I've suspected for over a year now that she might be a closet lesbian but i can NEVER be sure. And how i've interacted with her over the past few days has just been confusing. Despite her babbling and neurotic nature i enjoyed actually having her beside me in lecture's yesterday. I admit i wouldn't have much against something happening there but i don't really understand her that much so even 3 years of acquaintance i still don't know her in any way at all.

Now i am also of course still in theory taking my "abi-stance" which i mentioned several blogs ago. Ie not actively seeking a gf or anything else and hoping to just focus on me and study and so on. Doesn't stop my mind though. Jade, Mystique, Hope and other's flash into my head from time to time as well. The unfortunate reminiscing about my only sexual experience’s with PG which begrudgingly are my only source of real life fantasy since i've been unsuccessful elsewhere. I still hold a candle for Hope, even if it's a short stubby birthday candle there's something there. And now she's staying here i don't know what could happen. She wanted to talk about something that was troubling her the other night but with no phone and Facebook a bit to public i haven't contacted her since. Whatever her quam was either she sorted it out herself or needs guidance or an ear but without contacting her or having the lunch i asked about on friday i don't what lies in store there. All possibilities but i am "trying" to not give it too much active thought but you know how that works right... yeah it doesn't. And not just specifically Hope, but any of them. So many possibilities but i've decided not to pursue them or dwell on them, can't exactly stop it but it's still there in the background.

Band's i am currently interested in despite what my play listings may tell you:

The Veronica'sEmpire of the Sun30 seconds from marsIglu & HartlyYelle

All pretty quirky and i love them all sometime i wish i listened to them more instead of my purpetual use of shuffle. But when at home i usually play by albums but when i do it's usually Fall out boy, the cab, blizzards, the veronica's and yelle. Need to squeeze the rest in....

Honesty:Hmmm well in some extent i was honest before and well i already spilled my history to a random blogger in a comment before this blog. So for the moment i will forgo my woe is me embarrassing history story which in essence is kind of pointless. After all when bitching and moaning about my problems i always take the Psycho-analysis approach of looking at the past and all that shite. My current state of mind is more complex than that. After all psychology is a blender mix of all theories that needs to be a pick and mix of candy, jellybeans, penny sweets and white chocolate mice. You can't have penny sweet's without those white chocolate mice, or cola bottle's both plain and sour/bitter sugar.

But yeah i dwell on the past a bit too much. And i could have posted all my old diary's in that "other" blog but there was some pretty embarrassing fucked up shit in there. Why i did some things is beyond me. After all some of my internet relationships from my f'd up teenage life are best forgotten. They never will be but it would be nice if i could forget most of the details. They were chronicled in those older diary note's and i think they should stay there. They were also spewed out in lyrics and poetry in my 200 or so poem/song's that i wrote at around the same time and up until college. I sort of gave up on them when dating PG i didn't want to truly express what i was feeling. Afraid of the honest or bitterness i could bring out i guess. At first my excuse was i didn't want to write about being in "love" but near the end it was trying to not work all that shit out. But i eventually did. The 4 or 5 songs trying to justify the possibility or prospect of cheating kind of reflect my mindset in the closing weeks. Of course i didn't and the object of my obsession at the time turned out to be a dead end, the first of 7 over the past year.

A lot of my teenage life i really really really regret. I also regret a lot of my current life but i can't help any of that shit. I can take my baby steps towards making things better. The society is obviously a shining light of a smart choice but i haven't exactly used the great source as much as i would have liked. Despite my ever presence there and wasting of precious study time it has been more laziness and newspaper reading and the odd debate than actual socialising, which is just disappointing to say the least. To have all these new friends and to not know them well at all can be such a bitch sometimes. Especially when i'm not assertive and all that jazz. I'd love to be but in my whiney self-deprecating way it's never easy. Give me time, etc etc. Or a kick in the arse whatever works.

Anxiously awaiting star trek. My society trip to it is sort of on hiatus or in the ether but it's earmarked for next week, interest or not. It's out this friday. Previews tomorrow. I think DS is home at the moment, i should probaly text him. If he is i might scrounge some kind of funding from the parental's and go to it tomorrow after my "2" lecture's. I see a to do list in my future.....