Sunday, 25 October 2015

Continued...

A new day, some further time to comeback to this.
The memory of her in the bed on my last post had stopped me typing further last time, but the need to get down everything drives me back to this.
We were allowed to go see her which at this point she was in an intensive emergency unit in A&E. Most of his family said goodbye at this point even though it was not finalised as I think deep down we all knew what was coming. My husband throughout this had had a quiet weep but I was genuinely worried for him, he is not a man who expresses deep emotion and I knew the worst was going to come for him. The second opinion came back with the same news, there wasn't an operation that could save her. They moved her to the intensive care unit at this point to monitor her over night in case of any changes. We all moved with her and stayed for the couple of hours it took to transfer her, to see her again, to talk to her. At this point, me and my hubby decided to go home as we would have to be back very early in the morning, his dad did not leave her side at all that night nor do I think he slept.
We returned in the morning with coffee and food for his dad, my husband's brother and fiance rejoining us. The last step in this, the last chance came back that morning, her brain stem results. This was the last hurdle of if there was any hope but it fell flat, it reconfirmed everything they had told us on from the outset. We all took turns to go say proper goodbyes to her. I didn't know what to say but I told her I would be strong and look after her son no matter what, that everyone loved her and that would never change.
And then.. she was gone. My husband couldn't face being there for the final moments, neither could his brother and his father ended up facing it alone. To this day I don't know how he did it and when he fell through the door a shattered man it was heart breaking to realise she really had gone.