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Friday, August 7, 2015

The Road to Recovery

Hey guys! It's me again. I know it's been quite some time since I last posted on here. I figured it was about time to give another update on our journey. It's hard to believe that it's already been well over 2 years since we miscarried & lost our precious little Taylor Lee. At the same time, it's hard to believe it's been over 2 years and we're still in the camp of trying to get pregnant again. I've finally come to terms with the fact that we're struggling with infertility. There, I said it. Infertility. It's such a scary word. A label you never hope to have. But we're here in the midst of it, facing it head-on, clinging to our hope in Christ, taking each new step that is presented in front of us. Trying to embrace the emotions that come with this journey, leaning on our faith, our family & our friends when the hard days hit, but also rejoicing with others who have been able to bring new, beautiful life into this world, despite our struggle. And mourning with friends who have lost little babies way too early.

I know that we can make it look like our lives are perfect. We've got a great relationship, amazing family & friends & over-all life is good. No matter the struggle we're in. Life is good. God is good. We're incredibly blessed beyond measure. Even though our hearts ache as we walk through this trial, we still trust that the Lord knows what he is doing & that he's got our best in mind. We know that just because we want to have a family & desire to have children, that it's not something we're guaranteed. No one is. It's an incredible blessing though. Life is just so precious!

I've shared bits & pieces of our journey. At times it's hard to open up about it. It's hard to let people in to such a vulnerable part of our lives. But I feel like those who walk down this road, whether having had miscarriages, struggling to get pregnant, or whatever it might be, there's a sense of shame that can come with it. And I want to share our story to help bring that out in the light. There is no shame in it. There's something freeing about telling your story. It doesn't make it any easier, but I feel like it helps to lift the burden. It's a beautiful thing to see others come around you to support you & show that they care. They are there to help lift your hands up when you can't do it alone. Sometimes it seems easier to just put your best face forward & pretend that everything is ok, even when there's a deep pain in your heart. That's when we need to press into our Savior, & let others be the love of Christ to us.

Some of you know our story about Taylor Lee. If not, click on the link to read about our precious baby. Since then, I've seen multiple doctors, had multiple tests done & have now gone through my 2nd procedure. I'll post another time about how we got to this point.

A week ago today I was put under & had a fairly invasive surgery done, where 3 fibriods, 2 cysts & some other "stuff" (I'll call it that now, as I'm still not 100% sure what the "stuff" was, lol!) was removed from my uterus & ovaries. The biggest & most intruding fibriod on my uterus was over 6 cm (which I just found out was actually bigger than my uterus!). That's a pretty big deal. It was in the lining of my uterus, pushing into it & causing some trouble. I haven't felt "great" for a while now & am quite convinced that the fibroids contributed to that! If nothing else, I'm excited to feel better!

We've met with a fertility specialist & will go back to see him after I'm all healed up. We're hopeful that this might be the answer to some of our issues & will continue to pray that the Lord will lead us as we continue this journey of life. We covet your prayers as well! We know we can't get through this without the support of others. That's what community is all about.

Anyway, here's my new bracelet that I'm going to be wearing a LOT!

The pave "T" for Taylor & the word script "believe" with the fun Time Key. I look at my watch a LOT, so this is going to be a great reminder for me to continue to believe we will see Taylor face to face when we meet our Savior in Heaven some day. And to also remind me to keep on believing that God has a plan for us & knows what's best for us, even when it may not make sense to us! One of my favorite versus is in Isaiah 55, verses 8 & 9: