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21 March 2010

it's a beautiful day outside

How has your year been going so far? 2010 has been treatin me damn well. Maybe that will change soon (April 1st = when I get all my college acceptances... and inevitably, denials) but I'm pretty much in Nirvana right now.

I mean, not in totally Nirvana. I can't front: I honestly don't have too many friends! People have told me I'm scary to approach in school, and everyone I used to talk to nonstop-- we barely acknowledge each other. The ones that I do or used to consider friends, well, aren't. That's high school I suppose: in fact, it's probably going to happen for the rest of my life.

So most of the time I go to school, I do my work, and I leave and do what I really want to be doing. And thats fine with me. I used to rely on friendships to validate who I am, and that sucked. Really: I would have a super busy schedule just filled with hanging out with people but I was also the most insecure person ever. And now, well, I'm busy with fashion related shenanigans and teaching myself things and I've never been happier. I am happy in my own little world, and every connection I have is meaningful -- if scarily tenuous.

A few days ago my mom asked to see my resume. (Naturally all of it is fashion related, therefore I am freakishly unprepared for any other career, which is scary) And she looked at it and edited it for me and then handed it back to me, and said, "You're going to go into fashion, no matter what I say, just like I did with my mother."

And it was cheesy to say and I felt the deja-vu in the room and it was wonderful, and then that moment was gone and we haven't spoken about fashion ever since. But I dunno: my parents have never ever supported the blog, ever -- I would have to sneak out to go thrifting, or to showrooms, or to fashion shows, or to meet up with bloggers, everything I do related to the blog, they'd go out of their way to get me to do something else.

And now, I mean, they'll still yell at me for staying out too late because of something to do with fashion but they won't try to bar the doors either. And that... I don't know? Resignation? Acceptance? That's really awesome.

That being said, even though I'm doing a bunch of stuff right now in fashion (and you will see none of it until it is properly published and you can buy it, thank you very much) I'm not quite sure how to approach the situation. I mean, how can I make this my life for the foreseeable future? But anyway: I know I will only be happy if my life is somehow intertwined with fashion: but now that I know it, how will I survive in fashion?

I guess that's the next step. Fingers crossed. Hopefully I don't eat my own words.

124 comments:

You are a gorgeous woman and I will be twitter-stalking you on April 1st to congratulate you when you get into WESLEYAN. I mean, you already read academic journal articles for fun - how could they reject you? Also, I wish you the best of luck in yr fashion related career. Take "do what you love" to the next level, girl!

I envy you...hahahaha...right now I´m in my last year in uni...and I would love to be in your position...´cause if I could change some of my decisions back then I would be the happiest person ever...I didn´t choose the carrier I really want...the thing is I didn´t know at that time that in a few years all my interests would be into fashion... so you are lucky...´cause you are young...and you Know what you want...and what´s even better...you can get it!!! good luck...

and by the way...it´s quite possible you will have frienship troubles for the rest of your life...I´m 22 and I´m still fighting with friends as when I was 17...quite sad...

im going through the same things, my mom never supported the idea of me going into fashion. Even though I want to go into fashion merchandising, which is definitely not as hard as being a designer in terms of supporting myself money-wise, she still thinks that its not a "serious" career. It sucks but in the end its my own future so do whatever makes you happy.

wowwww i cant believe that you just explained my life. i feel the exact same way about my friends right now. i stayed home the last two nights just sitting on fashion sites, and was ok with that. and that's so awesome your parents are finally agreeing to letting you go into fashion :D and gorgeous pictures! what kind of camera do you use?

I think the acceptance of your parents is an amazing thing. they don't even have to understand or agree but they're allowing you to go your own way in life and that's amazing. You obviously are going to do great things.

I think that was one of my favourite blog post you have written so far! I went through the exact same thing you are going through right now in terms of high school. I used to strive to have a hectic social life, and really it just made me frustrated, lost, and frankly dependent on others. It wasn't until my senior year that I figured that was not working for me, and oddly that was when I started to gain self esteem and confidence in myself.

Anyways, I'm done ranting! It was an amazing post! Whatever you are planning to go into, you'll be amazing at it!

oh I feel so happy that youre happy :) It will be hard to start intertwining your "two lives". It's good that you've given up on keeping friends for the sake of keeping them. I'm at college now and everyone is still hanging out with people from high school and make me feel like I'm missing out, but I'm really quite glad! youre sort of just lumped together because of geography, theres no point in making a massive effort for people youve got nothing in common with.

regardless, best of luck with continuing to college and your fashion life! I'm looking forward to reading about it :)

first photo is very cool. College is better for friend making...more ppl interested in the same things as you. Thats really good that you are surrounding yourself with thos ethat really matter. It took me a while to learn this. Its good that you are already through that.

Living at home can be difficult - and relationships with parents even more. It gets better when you go on your own and just start to reach what you want to go to. I promise. I hate to spam, but I wanted to tell you that my blog birthday party continues with second giveaway. Come try your luck!

my god girl it's as if you took the words out of my mouth. that is my life right now, no friends and all... it's weird but it's bliss. it's nice to hear you of all people can relate to the whole dammmmn thing. fuck, i felt like such a weirdo (in a good way, is it bad that i've been basking in that?) hahaha

i feeel for you with the fashion thing. i know it's all i want to do. i wish i had the balls to start my own blog, but i fear everything i will do has been done and i'll be ... a bore? bleh whatever.

i can imagine you probably don't have too much interest in this comment ... but damnit whatever. you should come to my school ... we can be friends and hangout in the library and read back issues of worn together (i'm from canada ps woo!)d ^_^ hit me up if you're interested ;)

So glad your parents have accepted where you're already going! I'm very intrigued by what you're up to, but I'm sure it will be wonderful. And I'm glad you're keeping it to yourself until it's ready and not blathering it everywhere.

I totally feel the same way. Sometimes I think it's just best to keep to yourself. I've had the best adventures when I am by myself. Friends are very stressful sometimes; you are always worrying if they really like you, or if you are boring them, or if they are wishing they were with someone else... At my school, I kind of feel like nobody is really a friend to anyone else. People are just using each other to get to higher ranks. It's a popularity contest. Which is why I totally agree with your take on life. Like my mom always says: you are the one person that you are going to spend the rest of your life with, you might as well have some fun and get comfortable.I love your blog. You and I are a very similar in some ways, I think. ^_____^-Kailapoppielolly.blogspot.com

You are so mature for your age, and it truly is a wonderful thing. My little sister is a senior in high school and she is brilliant, but has had a lot of trouble with friends..and I think that comes from her being so mature. She instead keeps busy with interning at Hermes and her job, and is extremely passionate about fashion. I went though a lot of the same stuff in high school, friends constantly interchanging, until I finally found the right people my senior year. You are completely right, friends will continue to go in and out of your life, but it's the people that you can always come back to no matter what that should truly mean something. I don't think I truly was myself until I got into college, where I had a chance at a new beginning. but it sounds like you are well on your way to finding who you are and what makes you happy, which is something I'm constantly striving for. And from what I've seen on this blog, you should have nothing to worry about with college. Your head is in the right place, and you are very intelligent and self-assured..and if the admissions people don't see that, then fuck em. Sorry for taking up so much space! Good luck!

I believe in you. I really like your take on fashion and style. I especially love that in this post you share a more person side, that people tend to leave out when blogging. Right now, I'm living in a town in Maine where no one wears any thing out of the ordinary. I was inspired by girls like you who really make something of themselves, purely with their talent alone. Thank you so much!

once you get out of high school, you'll realize who your true friends are! i used to have a bunch of friends & now i only have 3. and i'm completely happy with this. i'd rather have a few close, good, true friends than a bunch of backstabbing, fake acquaintances! good luck on your college acceptances. ^_^ it's always a nerve-wracking experience but a fun & exciting one!love, dayna

Hey, I love your blog! It's really true about friends, as you grow up and change it becomes clearer and clearer who's a true friend and who's not, until eventually you have to just split off from certain people no matter how weird it may feel. However in some ways the periods of time you spend on your own are the most important, since those are really when you get to examine the inside of your head and become a person in your own right.

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I know this was posted a long time ago....but I've been reading over your blog and i really love it, especially this post! You're a real inspiration and I completely understood what you meant by everything you said about friends, and about being scared about the future, because that's where I am now. It's nice to know I'm not the only one :)

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About Me

Hi! I'm Arabelle Sicardi. 21 yr old goat with great ambitions. I'm queer and Taiwanese American. I am obsessed with the following: cyborgs, bad Prada jokes, feminist makeup theory, and myself. Sometimes I get to write, style for, and otherwise #impact magazines and brands of note. This blog is my notebook on narcissism.

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