Im scared, i dont want this to destroy my life

by SadFace
(UK)

A year ago i changed the perception of myself, suddenly i was the fattest ugliest thing in the world. Painfully day by day i survived on lots of vegetables and fruits, and a cup of soup with half a roll a day, this severely affected my energy, school was difficult to go to, i had little effort to communicate with others, my confidence sunk lower and lower and the only time i felt happy was when i saw i had lost weight. I lost over 10kgs, weighing xkgs at 5"7 this changed to xkgs, i lost my periods, wondering if i'll ever be able to have kids. My home situation is dire, i am the only child as sister and brother are at uni, my mother and father despise each other but a divorce isn't possible. I don't want to live with this disgusting disease for the rest of my life, as i know i wont make it, i will overdoes on pills or commit suicide, if it carries on, i purge around 15 times a day and it is having huge affects, i am trying to control it but i cant do anything. i have huge mood swings and my mum finds it difficult to know where she stands with me. I hate my dad and wish i didn't have to live in the same house. I need help, i'm 16 have overdosed before, now failing at school whereas i used to be smart with potential. Is bulimia going to ruin my life?

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