Rob Kett- Today was a gruesome day. Thousands of demons, slayed by an army of happy Hawks. During the onslaught only 50 hawks were killed.

I went to hell and tried to speak to Satan but he said he was "very, very busy so don't disturb me". In his office he sounded like he was crying his eyes out like a little baby. So I put a sign on his door saying "IN MIDDLE OF TANTRUM. DO NOT DISTURB".

Then I went to Heaven and spoke to God about how He managed to slay thousands of demons with an army of hawks and He replied, "I knew that Alistair Clarkson would train them as the mightiest hawks in the world."

After the war the Hawks went on to sing their little song:

We're a happy team at Hawthorn

We're the mighty fighting Hawks

We love our club and we PLAY TO WIN!

Riding the bumps with a grin at Hawthorn

Come what may you'll find us striving

Teamwork is the thing that talks

One for all and all for one is the way we play at Hawthorn

WE ARE THE MIGHTY FIGHTING HAWKS!!

They are now ahead of the rest of their competition by at least 170 percentage points.