Mrs. Powder: "You'd think he'd get over being such a baby about it. I made him wait in the car until I'd finished the laundry. Anyway, at the last visit you had me try Maxalt, and I like it. Do you have any more samples?"

How can a person be so nonchalant about that kind of stupidity? Then she made him wait!? Good Lord! As a teenager, my dad taught me to always unload the magazine/cartridge BEFORE cleaning so you don't have an unfortunate accident. I have never physically cleaned a gun in my life but my nonetheless, I know this. Geez, she may need a psychiatrist too. Who says their injured hubby is a baby and finishes laundry first?

Actually, I can picture my Grandma finishing the laundry, mopping up the blood and putting the guns and cleaning gear away while Grandad waited in the car (sitting on plastic trash bags, so as not to stain the upholstry). Then she'd come out, and say,"I have my list, dear, so on the way back we can return the library books, stop at the pharmacy and the dry-cleaner. No point wasting the trip."

This was true email sent to me today - I don't post funnies on my blog (I should):

"Steve, with Apples, had his grandfather pass away and the funeral is on Wednesday."

Haha - seriously - $125k/year project manager wrote that to 15 people; wondering how Steve exactly 'had' his g-father pass away... and you thought you were the only one privy to misprepositionally phrased sentences.

I think Mrs. Powder must be related to my mother. She too takes pride in her ability to bear stoically another's pain.My father never shot himself, but he did once rest a chainsaw on his knee, while the chain was running...maybe such self-inflicted injuries come with being married to a mean b*tch.

Let me provide a little translation here to those of you not highly familiar with firearms.

It is physically impossible to clean a loaded gun. When somebody says, "I was cleaning the gun and it went off," what that means in English is, "I was playing with the gun and it went off." You may have been playing with it with the intent of cleaning it when you were done playing with it, but you were not cleaning it. You were playing with it.

Never mind the fast that "it went off" ascribes the firearm both sapience and ability which it does not have. It went off because of some action that a sapient being took, not of its own accord.

So, the complete translation of "I was cleaning the gun and it went off," we see, is "I was thinking about cleaning the gun and I picked it up and was playing with it and accidentally shot myself."

Welcome to my whining!

This blog is entirely for entertainment purposes. All posts about patients may be fictional, or be my experience, or were submitted by a reader, or any combination of the above. Factual statements may or may not be accurate.

Singing Foo!

Have Dr. Grumpy delivered automatically to your Kindle for only 99 cents a month! Sign up here!

Dr. Grumpy is for hire! Need an article written (humorous, medical, or otherwise) or want to commission a genuine Grumpy piece for your newspaper/magazine/toilet paper roll? Contact me to discuss subjects. You can reach me at the email address below, or through my Linked-In profile.

Note: I do not answer medical questions. If you are having a medical issue, see your own doctor. For all you know I'm really a Mongolian yak herder and have no medical training at all except in issues regarding the care and feeding of Mongolian yaks.