25 March, 2008

21 March, 2008

Good morning, MarBlo. I'm sorry I've been ignoring you. It's just that there are current circumstances in my job that have been sucking the life out of me. So in an effort to apologize, I give you the funniest thing I've seen in a while. The roommate found this on our door the other day. There was one on every door in our apartment complex. Enjoy!

17 March, 2008

Good things that happen:The register at CVS doesn't print out your 10 Extra Care Bucks, so the manager gives you a $15 gift card to make up for it. Thanks, Ben!

Bad things that happen:Because you are so excited about getting an extra $5, you leave the 4 ECBs that did print out sitting on the register.

Ugly things that happen:You use a coupon from your coupon clipping frenzy to get your kitty some new organic treats for free. She promptly throws them up.

And, for the record, Annoying things that happen:You are the Bionic Woman and have to use an insulin pump. Your pump kicks the bucket, so the maker is sending you a new one. It's a Sunday, so you have to call the after hours line at your Endocrinologist's (diabetes doctor) office so he can call you in a prescription for insulin, so you don't die because you are a diabetic with no insulin for two days. The on call doc acts extremely put upon that he actually has to call in a prescription for insulin for his diabetic patient. Ass.

16 March, 2008

1.) I don't know about you, but my family is great at creating strange words that only we know the meaning. Some were created when the kids were first learning to talk, others came about when our tongues were twisted and the word came out funny. Either way, the words stuck and we still use them in our daily conversations. What created words does your family use?! Please share the story behind the word if you remember. If you don't have a made up word then tell us about the unspoken way you communicate with someone. Do you and your significant other have a look that means "This party is boring, lets split" or do you have a look that your kids know means their butt is in serious trouble? Please share!! And a picture of the look would be very entertaining!

So, first things first! My family hasn't really made up any words per se, but we do have invisible friends that my mother, brother and I still see occasionally. The most notable of these is "Chookamala." Or sometimes we call him Chookie. Chookie first appeared as my mom was driving us to school. She was the only one who ever saw him at first, it would go something like this:

"Look! There's Chookie!! Look, or you'll miss him!"

"Chookamala??? I haven't seen him yet, where? WHERE??

"Over there, behind that tree."

"Zack, do you see him? I can't see him!"

"No, where, Mom, WHERE???"

"Over th--- oh, he's gone now, you missed him. But he says hello, and be good at school!"

My brother, being the older and wiser one, eventually caught sight of him and would play along with my mom. This frustrated me to no end, because I just wanted to see what Chookamala looked like. He was a HE, he could be my future husband for all I knew. It wasn't until middle school that I caught on to Chookie. I could see him then.

To this day, my brother and I still get stocking stuffers from Chookamala at Christmas. I think we always will.

As for green beer, I never really was one to partake in green beer because the thought of ingesting that much food coloring kind of grossed me out. However, I will always remember one green beer infused party at my alma mater, UGA. I was invited by a friend of the hostesses, and I only went because it was my only option for St. Patty's. I was not fond (AT ALL) of the two hostesses. But, I went, and I had some green beer and I made the best of it. I think I may have gotten an Irish kiss or two. And then. THEN! the clock struck two AM and the hostesses informed EVERY party goer that they had to either drunk drive home, or sit quietly outside until they could drive home. It was like bar, when they turn on the lights and the managers start walking around and taking your drinks. It was just go home, you can not be here. Seriously, who hosts a party, invites oodles of friends, and then sends them home drunk?? At least have the courtesy to call a few cabs before being an ass.

Can you tell I'm still not over that? And for the record, I did not drunk drive home, I managed to sweet talk a sober party goer into a ride home.

So that's it for my Fun Monday! I can't wait to read about all the more interesting green beer stories!

15 March, 2008

Hello everyone! Internet friends are so nice. Thanks for asking about us Georgia gals and our storms! Yes, the greater Atlanta area is getting smashed by storms at the moment, but I'm ok. I live in Kennesaw, which has not seen much more than a little rain. However, we did have scary tornado warnings go off. It was the kind that had a long alarm then a guy came on and said something, but I couldn't understand him.

As I am sitting here watching Glen Burns and the Severe Weather Team, there is a big circulating ball right over Canton and Holly Springs, indicating that a tornado is imminent. Ya'll, it is right over my parents house and my office!! But they are fine, I just talked to them....my mom and taking the kitties and the dog to the basement, then she's going back up for her jewelry.

The roomie and I are laughing because our local meteorologists are freaking out. Now, they are doing a fabulous job and are staying on top of things, but ya'll. We don't get weather in Georgia too much. So it's just a little funny to watch them get all worked up. Like this is their moment! They are volleying back and forth between Glen and Brad, and we have made up this whole fight they are having for air time. "It's my turn, bitch, quit hogging the air time!"

On a serious note, they did just announce a few fatalities from this storm. It is so crazy to me that as I was sitting here watching the news coverage and contemplating getting some Chick-Fil-A, areas were getting hit so hard that people lost their lives. My brain can't wrap around that, so say a few extra prayers for those families, please.

13 March, 2008

So, I'm fairly new to this blogging thing. I have gotten a few comments to some posts where the commenter asks questions. I haven't necessarily answered them, because A) I always think if I answer them in my own comments, it's kind of lame because who is going to go back and look? and B) do people leave me questions in my comments because they are trying to get me to go back and comment on their page? Which is cool, because I am a stalker, and I look at everyone's page who has ever commented and try to comment back.

At any rate, I figured I could answer a few of the questions I have gotten recently.

On March 11, Bev asked if my kitty was ok. Yes, Bev, she is ok today! She didn't carf any more that night, she did twice yesterday but I bought her some new food and no carf today. So I think she's going to make it.

On March 8, Fianna asked (kind of) what "Camel Humps" are. Well, in mine and my BFF's drunken minds, camel humps are your tear ducts. Stay with me. Lindsay and I do not cry much. I had cried that day. We were talking about it over some beers and got to contemplating how weird it is that emotions triggers a tear duct response. And I questioned whether people who cry every day are dehydrated. Because they are ridding themselves of their water via their eyes. But we know a constant crier, very well, and she is not dehydrated. Therefore, your tear ducts are like camel humps.

On March 7, Fianna also asked if we work for the same company. I do not think so, unless "Fianna" is a pseudonym. But the resemblances are striking.....

On March 5, Wendy asked if I saw the Jon and Kate Plus 8 episode where they learned to ski. Yes, and OH MY CUTE and wow, those babies are more coordinated than me.

On March 3, Bev asked me "Why would he exhaust himself playing softball all day and then make plans with his family if he already had a date planned with you?" Girlfriend, I have no idea. The next weekend, he text messaged me twice after the hours of 10 pm to see if I would come meet him. He obviously doesn't know the rules in the South.

On February 19, Bev asked me if she could come with me to San Diego. YES! The more the merrier. I have two girlfriends joining me when my work part is over. However, my group won't be that much fun....we will have to track down the group who instigated the nudity clause!

Ok, I think that's it for now. How do you guys answer questions in your comments??

11 March, 2008

- carfed a grand total of 6 times.- The first carf woke me up.- The second carf my roommate was nice enough to clean up.- The third and fourth carfs happened in succession, after trying to eat.- The fifth and sixth carfs happened while I was at work.- Grand total of 15 piles of carf.

The joys of being a cat mom.

Yes, my life is currently as boring as my blogs have been the past few weeks.

10 March, 2008

Y'all, I'm boring today. I have nothing of note to write about. So I'll make a list of what I do know.

1. I love coupons. Find them here.2. I'm still not 100% recovered from my weekend.3. A Time To Kill touched everyone! I think everyone who commented on my Fun Monday loved that movie.4. Spring is coming. Georgia was BEAUTIFUL today.5. My apartment complex asked us to move our cars today so they could re-pave the parking lot. They did not re-pave, they spray painted. ANNOYED.6. Running makes me sleep good.

09 March, 2008

This week's Fun Monday is hosted by IT Guy, and he wants to know our fave movie quotes.

I need YOU (yes, the wonderful YOU!) to pick 5 memorable lines from 5 different movies (if you could tell us which character said it and to whom, would be a bonus)...and tell us to WHOM (who in the people in your life) you could have said those lines.

Ah, there are so many! It's hard to pick just five. I think in my mind, I say movie quotes to people every day. But there is definitely an arsenal of quotes that I say allt he freaking time. So here you go:

1. "Oh, come on. Am I supposed to remain celibate while I bask in like the warm glow of your annihilating contempt?"

The Tao of Steve, said by Dex to Syd.

I'm not 100% sure who I would say this to, but it about sums up what I would like to say to every single Southern man who has the expectation that a woman is supposed to be this Miss Manners sweet angel, then gets mad when he realizes she is not.

2. "WHAT'D YOU DO???"

Tommy Boy, said by Tommy to Richard.

I say this constantly. If I drop something in the kitchen, I look at my roommate and say it really loud. If I'm walking with a friend and they trip, they get the Tommy Boy treatment. Yeah, it can be obnoxious, butt he movie is so freaking funny!!!

3. "Sparkly, she's very sparkly."

Rain Man, Raymond says this to Charlie.

I say this constantly, too. Whenever I see a woman who is dressed up way too much for where she is.

4. "I want to tell you a story. I'm going to ask you all to close your eyes while I tell you the story. I want you to listen to me. I want you to listen to yourselves. Go ahead. Close your eyes, please. This is a story about a little girl walking home from the grocery store one sunny afternoon. I want you to picture this little girl. Suddenly a truck races up. Two men jump out and grab her. They drag her into a nearby field and they tie her up and they rip her clothes from her body. Now they climb on. First one, then the other, raping her, shattering everything innocent and pure with a vicious thrust in a fog of drunken breath and sweat. And when they're done, after they've killed her tiny womb, murdered any chance for her to have children, to have life beyond her own, they decide to use her for target practice. They start throwing full beer cans at her. They throw them so hard that it tears the flesh all the way to her bones. Then they urinate on her. Now comes the hanging. They have a rope. They tie a noose. Imagine the noose going tight around her neck and with a sudden blinding jerk she's pulled into the air and her feet and legs go kicking. They don't find the ground. The hanging branch isn't strong enough. It snaps and she falls back to the earth. So they pick her up, throw her in the back of the truck and drive out to Foggy Creek Bridge. Pitch her over the edge. And she drops some thirty feet down to the creek bottom below. Can you see her? Her raped, beaten, broken body soaked in their urine, soaked in their semen, soaked in her blood, left to die. Can you see her? I want you to picture that little girl. Now imagine she's white."

A Time To Kill, Jake's Summation.

This is my most favorite movie quote. I did this as a monologue in high school. I think it perfectly sums up old fashion Southern racism that we still find here in the South. If you haven't seen the movie, you MUST and you will understand what I mean. It's awesome, and everytime I hear someone who may still have some of the old South racism, I want to shake them first, then sit them down, force them to watch this movie, and I will stop the DVD at this point and recite the summation for them. It truly proves the point that we are all people, no matter what color we are.

5. "Nobody puts Baby in the corner."

Dirty Dancing, said by Johnny to Baby.

I just love this movie, and I'm looking for a Johnny to say this to me one day. Patrick Swayze, please get well soon!!!!

I forgot to blog yesterday. Oops. It's early in the month, and I already blew it. Here is my list of reasons why.

1. Two skinny bitches. Vodka, Soda Water, Lemon Juice.2. One Chocolate Cake shot.3. One pint of Miller Lite.4. One pitcher (split) of Miller Lite along side a Buffalo Bleu Chicken Sandwich.5. One Skinny Bitch.6. One Buttery Nipple.7. One Skinny Bitch.8. One Slippery Nick. I have no idea what was in it.9. One Sugar-free Red Bull and Vodka.10. One pineapple and coconut flavored shot.11. One more Sugar-free Red Bull and Vodka. 12. Home at 5:00 am. Ouch.

07 March, 2008

1. It's not the size of the yacht......Oh wait, yes it is.2. Replenish ownup camel humps.3. So then BRENDA says to ANNE "What made you switch...you know, you used to date men I heard," and then BRENDA proceeded to brag about the men in her life, yet still kept coming back to how she had never tried a woman.4. Said to Mr. Stand-up: "No. I'm not coming out. You are lame. You must have dated women in the past who are used to being disrespected. That is not me."5. WAIT. Isn't the shocker your two first fingers and your pinky, not your thumb???

06 March, 2008

1. I bought my ticket to San Diego.2. Two girlfriends are confirmed to go to San Diego.3. We are going to Mexico.4. We are going to search for CHEAPO tequila.5. After I go to San Diego and Mexico, I'm going to Denver.6. It's Friday. Almost.7. This week is almost over, HALLELUJAH!

05 March, 2008

A few days ago, I asked for some list ideas for MarBlo. Fianna suggested a few, one being posting my To-Do list for the week. Since I am watching the new Ghost Hunters and I am so freaked out that I have all the lights on and am watching my cat for any signs of something disturbing her, I am feeling a lack of creativity. So the To-Do List will work well for this evening's post.

Who knows, maybe it will actually give me motivation to accomplish everything!

To-Do before Saturday:1. Explain to my two (wonderful! amazing! smart!) bosses that it is physically impossible for me to work full time for two separate companies at the same time. Therefore, I have to split my days in half, and they need to deal with it.

2. Send the box of crap for the soldiers that has been sitting in my hallway FOREVER to Iraq with all the other boxes of stuff we will buy tomorrow.

3. Book a hotel for San Diego.

4. Explain to my little pumpkin, Maggie, that while rubber bands might make great toys to throw in the air and chase, they do not make good treats and I do not want to happen upon one in the litter box again.

5. Clean off the top of my dresser.

6. Return Knocked Up and Bridget Jones' Diary to Robin.

7. Work out two more times.

Two things I have accomplished:

1. Post my old dresses on Craigslist.

2. Put away the giant mound of laundry on my floor.

That's all, I'm sorry for boring you to tears! I will work on being more creative.....when I'm not feeling like I'm being watched. Thanks, Fianna!

04 March, 2008

My job is in the market for a new sales rep. I have had the pleasure of reading the 4,000 resumes that poured into our office after placing the ad.

At first, I was pissed that I had to take the first crack at weeding through them. But then, about 20 resumes in, I had a revelation.

Reading resumes is fun. Lots of fun.

So here are my tips for resume writing, after having read 4,000. Enjoy.

1. Apply to appropriate jobs. If a company requests 3-5 years of experience, they do not want someone who has been selling for 30 years. We probably can't afford you. We also don't want someone fresh out of high school. We probably can't afford to take the time to train you from scratch.

FOR EXAMPLE: We want a sales person. 3-5 years of experience opening doors and cold calling. If you are a 19 year old who has been a PEANUT PICKER for the past 5 years, you probably need to look elsewhere. Come. On.

2. Work on your wording. Look, we have all fluffed up our jobs. We all know that "Two years of face to face customer service in the food services industry" means you were a server at TGI Friday's. That's fine, no prob, you get points for putting forth effort. But if you are going to put forth the effort, at least make sure to sound intelligent.

FOR EXAMPLE: "Keeping people alive while having fun" as a description for a river guide only serves to make me laugh, put your resume aside and move on. And later, blog about it.

3. Proofread, Proofread, Proofread. Come on, now. You may not be good at grammar or spelling, but these days, most word processors have spell and grammar checks built in, no? And if you don't have access to this, have someone smart look at it. Common sense!

FOR EXAMPLE: You want to "join" a company, not "joint" a company.

4. Highlight the skills you have that the company is actually looking for. You may very well have many, many skills. But you just can't turn in an 18-page resume. So keep it to one page and put the most applicable skills on this version of your resume.

FOR EXAMPLE: A sales job is most likely looking for a "people person." Someone who can get on the phone, talk to people easily, and, well.....sell. A sales job is probably NOT looking for someone whose only highlighted skill is being "an accurate and rapid keyboarder."

5. If you are in the market for a new job, know that hiring managers know how to look you up on Myspace and Facebook. No explanation needed.

FOR EXAMPLE: Having the headline "The baddest bitch and the worst hurricane" does not look professional. Especially if your name is Katrina.

6. Be willing to actually accept a job you apply for.

FOR EXAMPLE: If you live in Niceville, Florida and will not relocate, do not apply for a job in North Georgia.

7. Know who will be reading your resume.

FOR EXAMPLE: If a girl's name is clearly listed as the "Send To" person, do not address your letter to "Dear Sirs." No matter how good your resume is, that will only make me throw it away, because you are old fashioned and a womanizer.

8. Don't be stupid. This one goes quite well with number three.

FOR EXAMPLE: If you graduated high school in 1997 and college in 2002, you are probably now around the age of 29. So I know when you say that you worked for Ameriprise Financial from 1904 to 1906, you are probably stupid and did not proofread.

9. Have some common sense. And be prepared to answer questions that will arise.

FOR EXAMPLE: If there is a substantial gap in between jobs with no explanation (raising children, medical issue, caring for elderly parents, etc.), I KNOW YOU WERE IN PRISON.

02 March, 2008

1. The Chiro stood me up! Well, kind of. I talked to him at like 6:00 and all he could talk about was how tired he was and how he had been playing softball all day long. I asked him if he needed to reschedule, he said no. Then he says he has to go get dinner for his nieces and nephews and he would call me when he got back. Oh yeah, and to go ahead and decide where to go and what time. And, the later the better. Didn't HE ask ME out on a date?? So at that point, I knew that we weren't going out, so I opened a bottle of wine and started watching Knocked Up. I later got a text from The Chiro, around 9:00. He said that he was still at dinner and was SO MAD. I said "Right, have a wonderful evening." I give him a big, fat no thank you!

2. I got lazy. I decided watching Knocked Up and Transformers sounded much better than making money on Craigslist. However, both movies were excellent.

01 March, 2008

Well, I did it. I had to go and set a goal for something. To volunteer for something.

I signed up for MarBlo. NaBloPoMo went monthly....on a much smaller scale than November, of course. But they started with March, and if you sign up, you post one blog every day in the month of March. They even gave a guideline - lists. This works excellently for me, since my brain loves lists. And hey, if I can do this, maybe one day I can be fancy enough to do Blog365.

1. It is March! March is my birthday month! My birthday is my second most favorite day of the year. I am pretty notorious among my friends for making a big deal out of my birthday.

2. It is March! Spring is on the way! Today is a lovely day in Georgia, sunny and working on warm. I can tell the air is ready for Spring and the birds are getting restless. I love it!

3. I got a Brazilian. Now, the "during" part of this is not necessarily excellent, but the "after" is. Also, I went to a new aesthetician who taught me a new trick. Naturally, I get pretty tense when getting my naughty hairs ripped out. When you tense up, it makes for more painful ripping. She said that if you wiggle your toes, you body can't use those muscles to tense up, so it hurts less when she pulls! It worked! She also said it works for chiropractic adjustments. Smart lady, that one.

4. I have a date with The Chiro tonight - finally! It was like pulling teeth to get that one to call.

5. Today I am listing 6 old prom and bridesmaid dresses on Craigslist. Come on people of Atlanta, this doll needs money!!

So that's it. Wish me luck on the whole posting every day thing. Also - does anyone have ideas for interesting lists? I have a few ideas going:

Top 5 worst days of my teenage life (Teenage years always make for funny material!)top 5 best days of my teenage lifeMilestones - maybe like by age, 1-5 one day, 5-10 another, etc.Best pictures ever taken (of me, of course!)

Those are a few ideas - I am totally open to any interesting thoughts out there! Help me out, people!