NO one knows better than we do how difficult it is to follow TEH PENGUIN, which is why we’re oh-so-happy we don’t have to, today. That’s right, as promised, we’re pleased (and somewhat relieved) to present: Another Guest Post! By Another Fun, Funny, and Funtastic Friend! A’yup, this one’s taken the plunge into the bloggy snark side by offering up a post that comes not a moment too soon — with very little heavy breathing and/or sweat, we hasten to add (trust us, there’ll be plenty of time for that tomorrow). Anyway, we’ve been fans of the DRIVE-BY BLOGGER for ages and ages — not that you’d know it by the comments we leave, because sometimes we forget to go read his hilarious blog, for fear we’ll laugh ourselves into an unrecoverable state of stupor (as happened once, while reading DIESEL’S blog, but we digress, or did the day we fell into that stupor). And so, without futher adieu and/or explanation, we proudly present our very good, very humorous friend, TDB. Enjoy! ~Snuppy

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Mother Nature…She’s Super Freaky

Greetings all,

As some of you may know, my blog consists almost entirely of weird stuff that I make up. However, there are times when reality rears its ugly head as if to remind me that no one does weirdness better than Mother Nature. So, please join me as I pull out a few items from the “truth is stranger than fiction” file:

Waterfowl Wage Genital Warfare

“Despite the fact that most waterfowl form monogamous pairs, forced copulations by other males the avian equivalent of rape are common in many waterfowl.”
I, for one, will never be able to look at Donald or Daffy Duck the same way again — although this may explain why neither of those feathered bastards ever bothered to put on a pair of pants.

Honey Bee: Exploding Testicles

“A virgin queen that survives to adulthood without being killed by her rivals will take a mating flight with a dozen or so male drones (out of tens of thousands eligible bachelors in the colony). But don’t call these drones lucky because during mating, their genitals explode and snap off inside the queen!”

Is it me or does Mother Nature seem to get really creative when concerning herself with reproduction? When I used to hear people use the expression “the birds and the bees” I had no idea that it involved insect genitalia exploding like cheap forth of July fireworks.

What the article didn’t mention however, is what becomes of those males that didn’t successfully mate with the queen. Do they slink back to the hive where all the other bees point and snicker at their unexploded private parts? Or do they leave to form some kind of drone monastery? Inquiring minds want to know.

Spider Causes Erections

“A Brazilian spider delivers more than a painful bite that sends most victims to the hospital. Its venom stimulates an hours-long erection. Now scientists have figured out the chemical that seems to be responsible for the penis boost.
In Brazil, emergency room staff can immediately spot the victims of a bite from the Brazilian wandering spider. Patients not only experience overall pain and an increase in blood pressure, they also sport an uncomfortable erection.”

Well, if this fact had been known long ago, the comic book Spider-Man could have been a whole lot more interesting. Anyway, the Brazilian tourist board should jump on this and come up with a slogan like:

“Brazil: Come for the beaches, stay for the erection inducing spider bites!”

Oh, I also came across articles about an island that has large, carnivorous mice, and a small eel-like fish that takes refuge in the anus of a sea cucumber. And on that lovely note I will take my leave and probably not a moment too soon. Bye now!

Like this:

Related

i have to say, when i first read this post i thought you’d lifted some of this stuff from my SISTER’S BOOK. but then i remembered that, while there IS a chapter on “the birds and the bees”, none of the above items are in it (or maybe they are, and i’ve just let that fact slip through my fragile little brain).

funny FUNNY stuff, TDB! thank you so much for, um, sharing all this Very Important Information — i think it’s the perfect warm-up to tomorrow’s post, which will be about… HOT SEX.

BY THE WAY — it should be noted that the silly pictures in this hilarious post were MY additions, not TDB’s. so if you guys don’t think they “work”, don’t blame the author, blame the webmaster — who thinks the idea of a Killer “B” (remember, “B” was Uma’s name in the Kill Bill movies) was not just funny, but clever. and that woman being ravaged by the “giant horny spider” in the third item cracked me up, as well.

with my fragile brain demonstrating such poor judgement, i’m guessing you can all understand why i was SO HAPPY to have this wonderful guest post, today! 🙄

Al: that was freakin’ hilarious (and aren’t you glad i rescued this comment from the “spam catcher” before you had to leave it 3 dozen times? there you were, snuggled up against comment directing us to Mr. Skin’s site and naked grandmas. whew!) 😉 xox

Not a moment too soon indeed. I feel more educated but slightly nauseated (by the last one anyway) by your findings. All in all a successful post. You should pitch some of this for a show on Discovery.

Thanks to everyone for the kind reception given to my attempt at a guest post and a special thanks to Snuppy, who along with her husband, was the first person to visit my blog regularly and to leave encouraging comments.

TDB: leaving comments was never hard, tho’ i confess to feeling moderately intimidated — especially after reading any one of your hilarious and incredibly inspired posts.

thank YOU for hangin’ out with us — and i reallyreallyreally hope we can convince you to do this again, and soon! you rock! (despite the fact you clearly read a lot of, shall we say, quesitonable and/or bizarre material!) 😉 xox

Hilarious! When I stopped laughing, curiosity got the better of me and I just had to find out what happens to unmated drones. The National Audubon Society Field Guide to North American Insects says “drones die after mating; unmated drones are denied food and die.” Hmm, difficult choice: death by exploding genitalia or by starvation.

[…] wasp stings? Ouch. Not to mention eww. That said, perhaps you all remember the fabulously funny guest post by The Drive-by Blogger a couple of months ago, in which we learned about the potentially […]