I needed/wanted $29 cash to buy the book that goes along with the current feature being made where I work ParaNorman, that will be released in August.

I had $8, but couldn’t come up with the extra dollar in change while out and about. So I stopped by Chase in the Pearl to get some cash and change for that extra dollar I needed.

Parked, hit the ATM at the front of the bank and went inside for my change. Ten, five and five ones. Easy right? Wrong.

I’m not a fan of “banks” and have had a credit union account since I worked at one in a former life back in the early 80’s. But with the mortgage comes the “bank”. First at WAMU, then Wells Fargo.

WAMU is now Chase and I had never closed that account. So when they came up with that app that allowed you to take a picture of a check and deposit it, I thought that was worth keeping the account open. I also thought, this could help me budget. Use my credit union account for house, car, insurance type payments, the boring stuff and Chase for the rest.

Today I wanted cash to pay for the book. Guess I should have just taken a check. But who writes checks anymore? So I stopped by the Chase branch in the Pearl, hit the ATM for $40 cash and went inside to the teller to get change for one of the twenties. Again, easy right…wrong!

First I waited a few second, no teller’s. No biggie. Someone comes up behind me chuckling and says, “Guess it’s self service day! Someone will be right with you.” “That’s fine. I say. I’ll take it all in tens!” I wait a few more seconds and a girl comes out to one of the five teller bays.

“I’d like change for a twenty, ten, a five and ones. I need some ones. I say.” She takes my twenty, pulls out a ten, a five and two ones. She says, “I’m sorry I don’t have enough ones.” Pushes the twenty back at me.

I kind of giggle and say, “Really? This is bank, you don’t have money?” “No I’m sorry I don’t”, she says. “Really? I just need five ones, I can’t get five ones?” She calls to a “Chase” behind the wall. No answer. I laugh and say, “ A Chase working here really”, with a smile keeping it light. She says, “Yeah, sorry I don’t have enough ones.” I ask one more time, “You really can’t get me ones?” She calls another name and he peaks around the corner at her and me, no response but continues to stare at me like I had on a mask and a gun in my hand! I was asking for five ones from a bank for God’s sake!

She says, “I can’t access the (she rattles off an acronym pointing to a machine that apparently has all the ones) to get more ones. “I got hit up by a business earlier and they drained me.”

Still in an okay mood at this point, but starting to think, this is ridiculous. I say, this is my bank I just got money from the ATM, really you can’t get me ones?” She says, you can go across the street to US Bank and ask for change there. Like somehow it’s Miracle on 34th St, she’s Macy’s and Gimbels is across the street.

So I step back and say with a question, “maybe I should close my account, but do you have the money if I did that?” “I’m sorry, I just don’t have access to the (≈ƒ´ß†º).” Whatever! I’m not getting my change that’s obvious. But I’m still thinking, really???

I’m certain my perplexing look said more than I was saying. But really, it’s A BANK!

As I walk out I see the guy who tells me it’s “self- service” day. So I say on my way out, “not self-service day, out of ones day. Should I close my account? I just need a one!” A quick re-cap and he pulls money out of his pocket and hands me a one-dollar bill. I tell him, I can’t take your dollar, but I’m having a hard time understanding why I can’t get change at a bank I have an account at, should I close my account?”

This is when he gets a bit huffy and irritated at me and says, “I have five ones, here I’ll give you change, don’t close your account.” And he huffs off. But now giving him the 5, I don’t have the five and I have eight ones, right back where I started. Needing one (1) flipping dollar because I only had about 40 some odd cents in the car and bag combined.

I wasn’t going to close my account. And if I did, it would be NO great loss to Chase. But the attitude and delivery of, “here’s your change, don’t close your account” was the nail in the coffin.

I’m closing my Chase bank account like I should have done years ago. Being able to deposit checks via an app on the iPhone, worthless. As is Chase.

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