I'm one of the lucky ones. Life on the whole has been and continues to be good to me. I get up every morning, happy. More often than not, with a smile on my face. I really do. But then some bastard goes and fucking ruins it. Well, here they are. Bastards, every last one of them.

Thursday

It was early Sunday. I was in Marylebone High Street waiting for the famers market to get going - what can I say, I live in a middle-class urban bubble, don't you know. With time to kill, I found myself in Le Pain Quotidien, a swanky, no ready arsey, bakery/cafe.

Wednesday

Is it just me? Well, maybe, but considering the votes of confidence and the number of hits I get, it would suggest not, so I'm going to share this with you.

This pisses me off

And this

And thisHave you spotted it yet?

No, it's not kids, I got one of them myself and I love him to bits, he's one of the very good bits in my life. No, the thing that pisses me off are that fact card manufacturers think it's okay to write the fucking obvious on the front of new arrival cards.

If you haven't had a baby, let you talk you though it. It takes 9 months slow progress during which time you do a lot of talking and thinking about what's going to come into your life. You get to see pictures of a growing foetus, you get asked if you want to know the sex. But even if you didn't want to know right then, during the birth you get to find out. Then, after a bit of a rest you get to tell everyone you know that you'd had a baby ....... And then those very same people send you cards and all they can find to send you are these stupid cards that tell you what you've had.

Congratulations, It's a boy/girl/twins

I know it's a boy! I was fucking there! I fucking told you three days ago. I don't need a card telling me what I already know. I'm tired but I'm not fucking stupid.

You don't print condolence cards that say, She's Dead, do you?

So card-makers, think before you create your next range of new arrivals cards. It's your laziness that REALLY PISSES ME OFF, YOU BASTARDS.

Sunday

Got stuck behind this bastard the other day. Now I don't think I've ever been in a Renault, but I'm sure it's like every modern car - steering wheel - up front, some dials, a few pedals. Even an ashtray. And even with all that stuff there's usually plenty of room for rubbish, so why the fuck does this wanker think it's okay to throw his rubbish out of the window? food wrapper, paper cup and then some other general bits and pieces. Which is why, you selfish pig, you REALLY PISSED ME OFF, YOU BASTARD