Parenting a Teen: A New Journey

I have gained a lot of new roles and labels this summer, and parenting a teen is one of them. I have officially been the parent of a teenager for about two months. It’s the beginning of a new era for both of us. BookGirl enters young adulthood and takes strides to become even more independent than she already is. I learn to let go a little more, giving her the space she needs to stretch her wings and fly, while still providing a safe place to come back and rest and recuperate.

We talk, and I share experiences from my junior high years. She realizes that I really do understand and that we are even more alike than she thought. We share books and movies and discuss them. I say yes instead of a knee-jerk no, and the discussions teach both of us as we walk this journey together. Being a young teenager is not new to me. I remember the drama and the heartache, the trying to find your place, the being unsure of yourself and who you are in some areas and very sure in others. I remember entering the church youth group and finding your place. I remember going to camp and the pranks and camp romances and trying to avoid as much of that as possible. I remember making friendships I thought would last forever and being disappointed when it was just for a season. I also remember the unlikely ones that have stood the test of time.

I taught teenagers when I was in the public school classroom, and I loved it. What I don’t know is how to parent a teen well. My mother handled my teenage years with a lot of grace, so I am trying to model myself after her, to some degree. We spent lots of time talking, and Mom listened, offering minimal but valuable advice occasionally. She spent long hours praying, and I know that made all the difference – both in our relationship and in God bringing me through my high school years relatively intact.

I’m trying to do a lot of listening and praying, and I try to arrange times for us to talk, showing interest in the things she shows an interest in, and listening for new ways to connect. I spend time at the church, meeting the people I hear her talk about, observing their interactions with one another and learning more about these young people. I see myself in them too.

With God’s help, I can parent teens. I can parent mine and mentor the others God sends my way who need someone to pray for them, to listen to them, to laugh with them and talk to them. I can show an interest in them and their friends, in what concerns them.

Father, please use me in the lives of the teenagers in my community. Help me to show them Your light and hope.

Settling In

We moved a few weeks ago. Since that time, a lot of people have asked if we’re settling in. That’s a complicated question. In one way, yes, we are settled. The few items we brought with us have a place, and we have developed a daily routine, to some degree.

But are we settled? No, not really. The place we’re living now is temporary, and it is about a 40-minute drive from our church and homeschool group activities, as well as many of our friends. Therapy and medical care are also forty minutes away, so we’re spending a lot of time traveling back and forth between where we live now and where we need to be.

Except for our clothing and a few personal items, everything we own and hold dear is in storage, scattered across three counties in two states. I tried to make a mental note of what went where, but I really don’t remember. (I do know where our homeschool curriculum is!) It’s hard for the kids to feel settled when they don’t have their belongings surrounding them.

Add to that the uncertainty of our future—a million little details of our day-to-day existence that have yet to be decided—and we feel far from settled.

And in another way, I feel more settled than I have in a long time. During this difficult season, I have turned to God and the Word with everything in me. Head knowledge has become heart knowledge, and I have a deep peace that I am learning to abide in. I am trying to lead my children by example as well as teaching them what I have learned, praying it will find its way deep into their hearts too.

Grief 101: Teaching the Hard Lessons

She woke up yesterday morning, crying about a dream she’d had, grieving the loss of a beloved pet that had to be re-homed. It has been three weeks since we moved to our temporary home, and we have been so busy with moving, getting somewhat settled, dance recital (thanks to very generous friends who made sure the girls could participate), and finishing up our school year that we haven’t really had time to process all the changes that have happened over the past month—and the ones that are coming.

I held her while she cried, and when the sobs subsided, we talked. I explained the cyclical nature of grief: how it sneaks up on you when you least expect it, when you think you’ve dealt with the loss, and you find yourself dealing with it all over again. She knows she will be okay, that we will be okay, but we still have to process the losses: our pets, the only home the girls have ever known, the temporary move to a neighboring town (which means more travel to get to our church, homeschool group activities, and friends), and our dreams of what we thought the future would be like. All of this has to be reconciled with our present reality and with the changes that we know are still to come.

My kids haven’t had to deal with much loss in their lives. And now it’s coming hard and fast, all at once. So I’m teaching Grief 101, trying to help the girls realize that what they’re feeling is normal, that they have to face the feelings they have about the different aspects of our situation and deal with them so that they can heal and move forward.

We’re going to be okay. We all know that. But that doesn’t erase the feelings we’re having or the need to walk through them—and the need for the kids to understand the process. It’s natural, and it’s part of healing.

How have you helped your kids walk through the grief caused by hard times?

Making a Comeback

I’m back! My life has changed a lot since I was here last. I’ve done a lot of thinking during this season—about my life, about my writing, and about my legacy. I want to be able to look back one day and be proud of how I spent my time. I want to write, but first I want to live a story worth writing about. I want to make memories that the kids will look back on fondly. My kids are preteens (and next month I’ll have a preteen and a teenager!). My time with them is short, and I want to make the moments count.

Change is part of life, but we’ve had more than our share, with no end in sight. It’s only natural that my writing will reflect some of the changes.

A lot will stay the same. I will still be writing about my faith, my kids, and parenting and homeschooling struggling learners and kids with special needs and their very special siblings.

New topics will appear too. These include: single parenting, parenting preteens and teens, being a work-at-home mom, and domestic abuse education. (Despite what many people believe, a person doesn’t have to be physically abused to be a victim of domestic abuse. And it isn’t just between romantic partners. It can occur between parents and children and in other family or intimate relationships as well. Domestic “violence” happens as verbal, emotional, psychological, financial, physical, and sexual abuse.)

Other topics may come up from time to time, but these will be the focus for now.

If you’re interested in coming along on the journey, make sure you’re subscribed to receive email updates.

Disclosure: I received a free subscription to Odyssey Adventure Club in exchange for sharing information about the #OAClub with you! My kids and I have been Adventures in Odyssey fans for years, and we hope you love it as much as we do!

Last-Minute Gifts for Kids and Preteens

Holiday to-do lists often become longer and longer as we get closer to Christmas. From holiday parties to host, Christmas pajamas to coordinate, family pictures, gifts to buy, travel plans to finalize, and more, the joy of the season can often be lost in the midst of the hustle and bustle.

Speaking of de-stressing, let me help you out with your last-minute gift shopping. One of my top recommendations: the Odyssey Adventure Club (OAC) because it offers free content for everyone, including an Advent calendar, a broadcast download with tips to create a memorable Christmas, AIO cutouts and Christmas stocking stuffer cards. Membership to the OAC costs just $9.99 a month — or even less if parents make a six-month or one-year commitment. Enrollment provides more than enough content to keep kids engaged throughout the year:

Access to exclusive content and first looks at books and select Radio Theatre dramas.

Summer pass to a nearby water or amusement park (these are sometimes discounted during December for gift-giving and because it’s the off-season)

Amazon Prime Membership (Prime = free music and movies/TV shows!)

Netflix subscription

A movie basket (or gift bag) with DVD/Blu-Ray and snacks inside OR tickets to a movie he/she wants to see and a gift card for concessions (Bonus: You get to enjoy this outing with your child or grandchild!)

What do you usually buy when you need last-minute gifts for kids or preteens?

Disclosure: I received a free Chewigem necklace and Litecup in exchange for sharing their Cyber Monday deals. I received compensation for the time I spent creating this post. I was not required to write positively about these products. All opinions are my own. This post may contain affiliate links.

Gift Ideas for Kids with Autism and Sensory Issues

If you have a child with autism or sensory issues on your gift list, you might be wondering what you can buy that would be helpful and something they will actually enjoy. While all children with autism and sensory issues are different, here’s a list of ideas that might help you—or at least start a conversation with their parents about what these kids might like!

Chewigem necklace

My daughter loves her beautiful Chewigem raindrop necklace in heather, and it has certainly helped to meet her oral sensory needs—especially the need to chew! It is very attractive and addresses her need to not look different too!

Use code cyber2015 for 20% off Chewigem and Litecup on Cyber Monday, November 30, 2015, only.

Litecup

My daughter keeps water near her bed so she can get a sip at night when she wakes up with a dry throat. She also likes a light when she’s up in the middle of the night. The Litecup meets both needs. The cup really is no-spill (which makes me very happy), and the light is just bright enough and is soothing.

Use code cyber2015for 20% off Chewigem and Litecup on Cyber Monday, November 30, 2015, only.

Weighted blanket, vest, or lap blanket

These provide the deep pressure that kid with autism and sensory issues need. My daughter has really enjoyed her weighted blanket, although we need a new one since she’s grown so much!

Leader Light Vibrating Puppy

My daughter has had a vibrating puppy since my mom gave it to her for Christmas a few years ago. Different companies make them, and they’re available in different animal choices too. The vibrations are really soothing to my daughter when she is overwhelmed and needs sensory input. She often turns it on and snuggles with it at bedtime to help her unwind.

Kinetic sand

Kinetic sand is easy to form into sand castles and other fun shapes, and the “movement” and texture make it a great sensory item to have around. I “borrow” it sometimes myself, just to run my fingers through it while watching TV or reading. It’s fun!

iTunes Gift Card

Many kids with autism have an iPad, and you can’t go wrong with giving them a few more dollars to spend on music or apps. This is an easy gift for out-of-town relatives to buy, and it’s inexpensive to ship!

Scentsy Buddy

For kids who are really sensitive to smells and need positive input in that area, you can use a Scentsy Buddy as a form of aromatherapy. The pink pig my daughter has is no longer available, but they still have some cute choices. You can choose from a number of Scentsy packs that will best meet your child’s needs.

Play-Doh

Play-Doh is a classic that is perfect for kids with sensory issues. (Warning: It’s not gluten-free, so if your child tends to eat play dough and is on a GFCF diet, you might want to skip this one or make your own.) Kids can use Play-Doh to exercise their creativity, meet sensory needs for squishing and squeezing, work on fine motor skills, and more.

Clothes and shoes

Kids with autism and sensory issues often have very specific requirements for the clothes and shoes they will wear. Contributing to their wardrobe will help their parents because these items are worn and washed so often that they wear out quickly! Be sure to ask exactly what brand, size, color, etc. the child needs.

Disclosure: I received a free copy of The Way I See It from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own. I was not required to write a positive review.

The Way I See It by Dr. Temple Grandin

The Collector’s Edition (Revised and Expanded) of The Way I See It by Temple Grandin is almost 400 pages packed full of information about autism and Asperger’s. It contains fifteen years’ worth of articles Temple wrote for Autism Asperger’s Digest, and they cover all areas of dealing with autism and Asperger’s, from diagnosis to issues adults with ASD face.

In addition to presenting a lot of scientific research, Temple shares her own experiences and perspective as a person with autism. While there is a lot of technical information presented in this book, Temple’s writing makes it clear and easy to understand. I found it especially interesting to read about Temple’s early life, how her brain works, and how she thinks.

As the parent of a child with autism, I also appreciated Temple’s thoughts on effective ways to parent children with autism. Since my child also deals with chronic health issues, I liked that Temple pointed out that medical issues can be a cause of behavior problems, and she encouraged parents to look at their child’s health before saying everything is due to behavior issues.

If you’re interested in a book that explains the research about autism in language you can understand and presents “insider information” from a successful adult with autism who knows the successes and pitfalls that can await those with ASD, The Way I See It is a great resource. The articles are informative, yet short enough to read in the small windows of time you have in your busy day.

*Disclosure: I received a complimentary subscription to Here to Help Learning. I was not required to review or write about this product, and I certainly wasn’t expected to write positively about it. All opinions are my own.

Homeschooling the Struggling Learner: Writing

My kids did not inherit my love of writing. This has made it challenging for me to choose a writing curriculum for my daughters, and especially for my struggling learner. She has very specific needs when it comes to her lessons. I look for her curriculum to do the following things:

Be a good fit for her learning style. She relies heavily on visual input and hands-on learning experiences.

Be easy to modify and adjust to her needs.

Include repetition of concepts in a way that doesn’t make her (and me) crazy.

Be flexible. I don’t need something that’s going to completely fall apart if we have to go out-of-town to an emergency specialist appointment (like we did last week).

Be encouraging. I want a curriculum that is going to encourage her where she is and inspire her to keep moving forward. I don’t need something that will make her feel bad about where she is in comparison to other kids her age. I try to keep the focus on progress, not “doing it right.”

Uses multisensory teaching techniques. The more senses that are involved, the better my daughter learns!

It is very difficult to find a language arts program that meets these criteria. Writing, in particular, often involves little more than a pencil and some paper, with the occasional writing prompt thrown in.

This is not the case with Here to Help Learning, which is the program we’ve used since last year. Here to Help Learning addresses everything I listed above, plus some!

Why Here to Help Learning?

Here to Help Learning lessons are in video form, so they meet my daughter’s need for visual input. The lessons involve games, doing hand motions and sounds as mnemonic devices for the parts of the writing process, and the act of writing itself. It is definitely multisensory and fits her learning style well.

As far as being easy to modify and adjust to fit her needs, Beth Mora actually suggests modifications for different ability levels in the videos. You don’t even have to come up with the ideas yourself! It doesn’t get any easier than that.

While kids need repetition, and kids who struggle or have special needs need even more repetition of concepts so they can learn them, I have found that the kids who need repetition the most also hate it. They can make life miserable for themselves and their teachers with all the griping and groaning. Fortunately, Here to Help Learning lessons provide lots of practice and repetition while making it look slightly different—and fun! This makes life easier for everyone!

Here to Help Learning is flexible too. While it’s designed for the student to complete one lesson a week over two different sessions, you can really use it however you want. Because life is crazy at my house during certain seasons, we have actually had to set it aside (while still doing basic grammar using another resource) for weeks at a time. When we come back to it, it’s always easy to jump back in and get started again.

As far as encouraging, you won’t find a more positive, enthusiastic, and encouraging person than Beth Mora. I met her in person once and have spoken to her on the phone several times. She is exactly who you see in the video lessons. She is passionate about helping kids learn and helps them celebrate little successes along the way. There is no “right” way to use Here to Help Learning either. She realizes that every family and every situation is different, and she wants families to do what works for their children!

*Disclosure: I’m not a fan of messes, but I love it when my kids spend time in creative pursuits. For this reason, I accepted a free IDO3D product, and I am sharing it with you because I think your family might enjoy it too. I was compensated for the time it took me to write this review, but I was not required to write a positive review. All opinions are my own.

Cool Crafts for Older Kids – IDO3D

When our IDO3D kit arrived, my kids were ecstatic. I, on the other hand, was intimidated, nervous, and reluctant. I am not a crafty mom, and I don’t enjoy cleaning up messes that I consider unnecessary. I do, however, think creativity is a wonderful thing, so I have learned to make my peace with some of the mess that comes with the creative process.

My kids are older, ages ten and twelve, but they were eager to get started. I was pleased to find everything we needed in the kit (with the exception of the three AAA batteries for the spotlight). We all picked a project, and then we took turns using the plastic sheet, pens, and spotlight. The kids each chose to do one of the flower necklaces in the guide book. My younger daughter took the first turn placing the plastic sheet over the project in the book and tracing it with the 3D pens.

The key to getting the necklaces to turn out and do so quickly was to stop regularly and shine the spotlight on the designs they had just traced. They held the spotlight about a half-inch above the ink, and we actually did it from both above and below. Within a few seconds, the ink was partially cured, and they moved on to another part of the flower. Overall, they were pleased with the results. My older daughter achieved finer detail in hers, but my younger daughter thought her project turned out well for our first try with the IDO3D kit.

I did the flower pot project, and it was more complicated. I did need one of my daughters to shine the spotlight on the places where I was connecting the pieces together. The flower pot itself was definitely the trickiest part of the project to assemble, but we got it finished!

My children understood the process without any trouble. My twelve-year-old did her entire project herself. My ten-year-old needed help squeezing the pens because she has diminished hand strength and fine motor delays. I put my hand over hers and squeezed the pen, and my daughter guided it to create the project.

In about an hour and a half, we had completed three projects that were mostly cured. (We accomplished this by stopping frequently to cure pieces of the projects as we finished them.) We have plenty of ink left to do more projects, which is something my kids are excited about.

The ink does have an odor, but it wasn’t something that we couldn’t overlook. This kit wasn’t nearly as messy as I thought it might be, although we did a lot of hand washing as we went because we did get ink on our skin a few times.

I am looking forward to doing more of these projects with my kids. They want to tackle one of the intermediate or advanced projects next time, and they’re planning to spread it over a few days so that the pieces can fully cure before they’re assembled. A sunny windowsill should help with that after we start the process with the spotlight.

Our first experience with IDO3D was a good one, and it’s something we’re planning to use again and again. My kids are already trying to figure out how to get more pen colors. This is a fun family activity but is definitely something for older kids. Children younger than the recommended age of 8 really wouldn’t be able to handle the entire process easily.

Things You Should NEVER Say to a New Special Needs Homeschooler

Starting the homeschooling journey is scary. And homeschooling a child with special needs? Super scary. And those just starting out receive all kinds of unsolicited advice. Some of it comes from outside the homeschooling community, and many people in that group don’t really understand what homeschooling is all about or how it works, so you can dismiss their comments. Mostly. But some of it comes from within the homeschooling community, which I find disturbing.

At any rate, there are certain things you should NEVER say to a new special needs homeschooler. In no particular order, they are:

Aren’t you nervous about homeschooling a child with special needs? Of course she’s nervous! There’s no need to make her more anxious by asking the question like it’s some impossibility that you can’t begin to fathom. That’s not helpful.

How will you _________? You can fill in the blank with any number of things. People ask all sorts of questions and, quite frankly, most if it isn’t any of their business. There are ways to deal with extenuating circumstances that occur while homeschooling. Many, many people have done it, and they are willing to share their experiences and suggestions to help new homeschoolers make it. This goes for those homeschooling children with special needs too.

What will you do if ________? See the answer above.

Your child won’t get the same quality education as they would in (public, private, other) school. You’re right. They probably won’t. Many parents have to fight to get their kids with special needs services in the public schools, and in many places, private schools aren’t obligated in the same ways as public ones to accommodate their needs. In many cases, children with special needs will get a better education at home because their parents can use the curriculum that meets their children’s needs best instead of having to use what the state dictates. They can seek assistance for their children from many different sources, and their children’s education will be even more customized than it would in another setting. They will also receive one-on-one assistance – every single day. So no, their education won’t be the same quality. It will likely be better.

If you’re starting this journey of homeschooling a child with special needs, don’t let the naysayers scare you off. Many people don’t understand how homeschooling works anyway, so they certainly don’t understand how it would work in a special needs situation. But it does work—despite therapy sessions, specialist appointments, hospitalizations, traveling for surgeries and procedures, and everything else that life throws at you. With dedication and persistence, you can provide your child with an excellent education – whether he has special needs or not.