Principles for Relationships from God's Word by Claudio Consuegra

My Spouse, My Friend

Scripture: His mouth is full of sweetness. And he is wholly desirable. This is my beloved and this is my friend. Song of Songs 5:16 (NASB)

Observation: “Why is he better than others? I’m glad you asked!” The Shulamite’s friends asked what was so special about Solomon that she would want so badly to find him (5:9). She responded with lavish words of praise that form a counterpart to Solomon’s praise of her (5:10–16; see 4:1–15).

Application: There are several things that call my attention in this passage.

1. She verbalizes her admiration of her beloved. Willard Harley, Christian psychologist and author of books such as His Needs, Her Needs, and Love Busters, writes that one of the most important emotional needs for most men is admiration. He needs to know that his wife admires him and affirms him, that she is his biggest cheerleader, that she expresses appreciation for what he is and what he does. To wives we tell them, make an ongoing list of the things that your husband does and tell him how much you appreciate him for each and every one of them. Don’t take him for granted, and don’t assume that what he does, even the smallest of actions, is what he’s supposed to do and therefore does not deserve to be told a thank you for them.

2. Good hygiene is important for romance. Smelly, sweaty, duty bodies don’t encourage romance. Bad breath does not invite loving, passionate kissing. To husbands in particular we encourage you to maintain good hygiene by shaving, taking showers daily and after strenuous exercise or manual labor, by wearing deodorant, by brushing his teeth after eating and going to the dentist for regular cleaning.

3. Passion and desire should be reserved for your spouse. Because men tend to be more visual than women, they find their wives desirable as they look at them – the way they dress and fix their hair, the way their bodies look, the way they walk and their demeanor toward them. For women, they find their husbands desirable when they initiate worship with her and with the family, when he is kind and polite, when he listens attentively to them, when they make time to spend wit their wives. It is not things, money, riches that we as husbands and wives desire as much as loving actions and words from our spouse.

4. Friendship is vital for a good marriage. Someone said that you should marry your best friend. Whether you can marry your best friend or not, you can cultivate such a relationship with your spouse so that he/she will become your best friend. What that means is that he/she will be your confidant, the person you will trust with anything and everything you have and you know, that there will not be any secrets between you and that you will not be afraid to express your feelings to him/her.

Enjoy every day the love and friendship from your spouse, and make sure you make every day a positive experience for them. . . it will pay great dividends for your relationship and for your family.

A Prayer You May Say: Father God, thank You for giving me my best friend to live with me as my spouse. Help me to be his/her best friend too.