Friday, September 05, 2008

Red State Americans: Should You Vote?

As the presidential election draws near, it’s the perfect time to reflect on our duty as citizens to be informed voters. Unfortunately, not everyone who is eligible to vote should vote. That may sound like heresy in a democracy such as ours, but the fact is that careless, unthinking votes can be more harmful than not voting at all, as recent elections have clearly demonstrated. Think about it. Just because you can hold a scalpel doesn’t mean you’re qualified to do brain surgery. Likewise, simply because you can pull a lever or punch a chad doesn’t automatically make you qualified to vote.

What follows is a self-assessment exercise for potential voters. Through this brief quiz, you will be able to determine whether or not you are mentally fit to cast your ballot for a candidate or referendum. We hope you pass the test, but if you do not, please use the results as motivation to become a more thoughtful, well-informed voter.

#4The first amendment to the Constitution discusses the issue of separation of church and…?

a) casinosb) statec) realityd) toxic waste sitese) his conjoined twin

#5The President of the United States is also:

a) the parade Grand Marshallb) a drunkc) allergic to latexd) king of the roade) Commander and Chief of the armed forces

#6What happens on the second Tuesday in November every four years?

a) Spider monkeys eat their entrailsb) Americans vote for Presidentc) A solar eclipsed) The rugs are cleaned in the White Housee) George and Laura do it

#7Each state has ___ senators.

a) too manyb) 398c) a shitload ofd) potentiale) two

#8You have to be at least 4 feet 10 inches tall to vote.

TF

#9The President’s official residence is The _____ House

a) Roundb) Whitec) Outd) Bricke) Fun

#10Iraq is in…?

a) the Middle Eastb) Middle Earthc) Midtown Manhattand) Chaose) Iowa

If you missed any answers, please abstain from voting in the next election. You may retake the test in six months. If you missed 3 or more answers, you are required by law to turn yourself in to the nearest substance abuse or mental health clinic for immediate intervention.