Mind & Spirit

Do you need a spiritual retreat?

Mind & Spirit

Do you need a spiritual retreat?

I was a young man of 21 and had just survived Day 1 of a church-organized weekend silent retreat in rural Ontario. Yet I still recall the single thought that ricocheted through my mind that first day: "Wow, this silence is deafening!"

Opening up to feelings and thoughtsThat reaction could be puzzling to those uninitiated in the world of retreats and spiritual getaways. But then again, the word "retreat" itself is misleading; for some it connotes escape or retreat from the real world -- which is true to a degree -- but the stillness, the serene settings and the silence that are hallmarks of most retreats can open the floodgates to all kinds of thoughts and feelings that aren't given much airtime in our lives. But rest assured, the inner clatter is eventually replaced by almost heavenly waves of calm and equanimity.

Different retreat typesMy experience of retreats in the past 20 years has been varied. I've participated in Buddhist-inspired retreats, which tend to involve lots of meditation (sitting, walking, standing) and breathing exercises. I've found myself at weekend retreats hosted by Christian faiths, which combined prayer, discussion, mass and silence. I was fortunate enough to spend a week in the south of France at a monastery where I peeled potatoes, took meals with monks and attended 5 a.m. church services -- all without speaking one single world. (Trying to lip-synch "Where's the loo?" to a hooded monk first thing in the morning is a test of faith, indeed.)

Reasons for retreatsThe reasons for seeking a retreat experience are as diverse as the types of retreats on offer. Some seek spiritual renewal; others are looking to heal physically and mentally. Many desire a retreat specific to their religious faith, and some are simply looking to escape for a few days into a life unfettered with the daily demands of work, home and family.

So how do you find a retreat centre that meets your needs? Here's some guidance to launch you on the road to spiritual rejuvenation.

What's out there?To get a feel for the breadth of retreat centres across Canada, try the following websites:

• Retreats Online has a Canadian section that lists and describes retreat centres from Kootenay Bay, B.C., to Grand Falls, Nfld. They're listed by region and province, but also by subject. For instance, you may want a "nature-themed retreat," a "religious" retreat or a "health and wellness" sojourn.

• NARDA is a North American network of ecumenical retreat centres for "people of faith committed to spirituality for global survival, education for global community, and action for global justice." A quick search will offer up such options as the Five Oaks, the United Church Education and Retreat Centre located in Paris, Ont. (It has great hiking trails!) Alternatively, if you're looking for a family-oriented retreat, consider Sorrento Centre in Sorrento, B.C., which bars television and loud music but features a wonderful labyrinth for those drawn to meditative walking and reflection.

Something for everyoneFor those who eschew the silent or specific faith-based retreats, fear not. The proliferation of retreat centres in Canada has made it very easy to pick and choose.

• For instance, Toronto-based Aziza Healing Adventures specializes in creative self-discovery, "gentle eco journeys" to aid in personal growth. You can select art activities, Reiki or specific therapies in groups or on your own. And check out its "Home Alone" menu, which outlines ways you can experiment with Gestalt therapy principles in the privacy of your own home. It's a helpful primer for newbies to this type of therapy.

While many spiritual centres are operated by Christian-based religions, many are open to all. So don't be afraid to ask up front.

If you're looking to travel further afield, consider U.K.-based retreat centres, such as the United Nations-recognized Findhorn eco-retreat centre in Scotland, which has been accommodating international retreats for more than 30 years. You can even sign up for Experience Week, which invites you to share in the day-to-day workings of the centre (you may be asked to garden, look after animals or work in the kitchen) while spending much of the day meditating. Their main location is in northeast Scotland, about 30 km from Inverness, but Findhorn also operates a smaller retreat centre on the mystical island of Iona, off the west coast of Scotland.

Culture & Entertainment

6 mistakes newlyweds make when assuming a spouse’s name

Culture & Entertainment

6 mistakes newlyweds make when assuming a spouse’s name

So you’re newly married or preparing to say “I do.” Despite modern conventions, there’s still
good reason to assume your husband’s (or wife's) last name. Just be sure you don’t fall into one of these name-change traps.
1. Waiting too long In Ontario, a name change is free if you apply within 90 days of your wedding date. If you apply after this date, the province will charge you. Similar guidelines will apply elsewhere as well. Keep in mind that it also takes four to six weeks for your new driver’s licence and health card to arrive in the mail.
2. Starting the process too soon If you leave for your
honeymoon a month after your wedding, your itinerary will need to match personal identification. Either start the process after you return to Canada, or remember to use your husband’s name when booking your vacation.
3. Forgetting the parental implications If you have children from a previous relationship, the decision to assume your new husband’s name becomes more complex. Unless your children share your last name (or they have a hyphenated surname that includes both mom and dad’s last names), chances are you’ll encounter hiccups when
travelling internationally. Never cross the border or head to the airport without appropriate
documents proving your relationship and the co-parent’s consent, otherwise abduction flags will be raised.
4. Hyphenating without going through the right channels Hyphenating your last name to include your husband’s is equivalent to dropping your maiden name. You still have to go through all the same channels.
5. Thinking changing and assuming your name are the same To formally change your last name, you’ll need to go through a lawyer, whether you’re changing it to your husband’s surname or both of you are taking on a trailblazing new name together. This means even your birth certificate will reflect the change. Assuming your spouse’s name is less involved.
6. Expecting a service to do it all for you While name-change services will help you complete the necessary paperwork in an organized and timely fashion, they can only update the documents that they know of. If you forget to notify them about a car title, alumni association or magazine subscription, you’ll have to deal with that on your own at a later date.
Photo courtesy FlickrCC/Search Influence

Decor & Renovation

Outdoor Christmas lights: 5 rules for lighting your home for the holidays

Buy more lights than you think you'll need Gauging how many strands of lights you'll need to run across a roofline seems simple enough—until the roof's peaks come into play. To get a rough estimate, Arthur will measure the length of the façade, then add at least two-thirds more. "You'll probably be over, but that will give you enough lights to go up and down most peaks," he says. For window calculations, first
measure the height and width of a window, then double the sum of those lengths.

Pull the plug on incandescent lightbulbs Treat yourself to an early Christmas present and swap your old-school incandescent lights for LEDs. These long-lasting alternatives will not only pay for themselves in saved kilowatt hours but also prove to be a versatile investment, thanks to recent innovations. "Some of the new LED lighting systems can change colour, which is great for someone who wants a different look every year," says Arthur.

Camouflage the cords The
ideal holiday lighting scheme makes an impact at night but disappears by day—and that means paying attention to more than just the bulbs. "If you're going to string lights up against a white eaves trough, choose lights with a white cord," Arthur suggests. Similarly, when stringing lights in evergreen trees and shrubs, Arthur reaches for green cords that will blend in with surrounding branches.

Take a shine to projection Projection lights, the season's biggest trend in outdoor illumination, create the effect of hundreds of twinkling strands with one crucial difference: There's only one light source. "For anybody who is concerned about being up on a ladder or has put off decorating until two feet of snow has fallen, projection lights are the way to go," Arthur says.

Accentuate good architecture The first step in Arthur's outdoor lighting strategy is to identify the best features of a home's façade. "Instead of trying to light every single surface—which will end up looking like the Griswolds' in Christmas Vacation—focus on strong architectural details," says Arthur. "It could be a bay window, gingerbread trim or even a really nice peak—anything that's worth drawing the eye." After highlighting these focal points, you might have the urge to light the house from left to right. Don't. "There's nothing worse than getting halfway across the
front of the house and realizing there's no way you can continue the way you started," says Arthur. Instead, build outward from those illuminated architectural features in manageable, balanced sections.

Innovative outdoor lighting options:

No more knots No matter how neatly you pack them away after the holidays, string lights have an infuriating habit of weaving themselves into the most diabolical knots. The single-cord design of Noma's "tangle-free" LED lights eliminates this seasonal stressor entirely.

Let it snow The weather outside might be frightful, but it's no match for these fabulous faux candles. Designed to withstand the elements, they're ideally suited for a vignette of festive lanterns on the front porch. The best part? They come with a remote control so you can fire up the flickering LEDs without setting foot outdoors.

How to save on lighting If you're starting from scratch, the cost of new lights, clips and extension cords can easily add up to $750. Follow these thrifty tricks to soften the blow to your
holiday budget.

This projection light has a built-in lens defroster to melt snow and ice. Noma Starlight Laser projector, from $150, canadiantire.ca.

Flood the façade Properly situated, white floodlights can create as much impact as an elaborate series of strands. For a diffused effect,
outdoor design expert Carson Arthur recommends setting them two feet from the house. Or go for a projection light, which covers a wide area with a single unit.

Invest in timers Although LEDs may put less of a burden on your hydro bill, you can save even more by regulating their use with a timer—a function that's frequently built into new lighting systems. "I generally set the lights to turn off at 1 a.m.," says Arthur. "I think that's plenty of holiday spirit!"
Limit lights to one vignette Instead of illuminating the whole home, string lights on a single Christmas tree displayed on the front porch. "It's a perfect little ‘moment' that greets guests at the front door, and it's a great way to enjoy a real Christmas tree without bringing the needles inside," says Arthur.

Have you ever flirted with the idea of trying a daring style but weren't quite sure how to pull it off? We found six women who were intrigued by a trend they usually avoid, then we gave them the support and style advice to help them make it their own. Here, Canadian Living's web editor, Jenny Tang, forgets her upper arm self-consciousness and ditches sleeves.

"The thought of showing off my arms, unless I'm running or at the gym, absolutely terrifies me," says Jenny. Her fitness game is strong, and she's got the lean, tones limbs to prove it; but, despite all that, Jenny, like many other women, feels self-conscious about exposing her arms.

Regardless of your shape or size, sleeveless tops and dresses require excellent fit. If they're too big, armholes can reveal undergarments; if they're too tight, they look awkward and uncomfortable. For Jenny, we picked a neoprene-like dress with a high neckline. We added structure, and a little more coverage, by topping it with a sleeveless vest dappled with brooches which add interest—and keep the focus away from the upper arms.