Louis CK, continuing to carve out a niche for himself as Sort Of Genius/the Lethargic Husky Dream Man of men and women across the nation with dark senses of humor and minor clinical depression, was on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night fielding questions about his choice to cast a black woman (after valiantly Googling, it seems her name remains under wraps) as his ex-wife and mom of his two onscreen kids, whom we have already seen are "extremely white," in CK's words. His response was equivalent to a verbal shrug.

"If the character works for the show, I don't care about the racial," he said, adding that it's all about line delivery and this actress nailed it. When, in a Season 3 script, she tells him to get a job. CK noted: "When a black woman tells you to get a job, it's just more..." and trailed off, laughing. Now that'll get y'all to learn our new commenting system this morning! [HuffPo]

"Wisdom when you can't remember anything is not quite there. Having more time to read when you can't see? I don't think it's better to be older... It doesn't have to be bad, but you have to know that at some point it will be — and sooner rather than later, which is why it's very important to eat your last meal before it actually comes up... When you are actually going to have your last meal, you'll either be too sick to have it or you aren't gonna know it's your last meal and you could squander it on something like a tuna melt and that would be ironic. So it's important ... I feel it's important to have that last meal today, tomorrow, soon." Ephron's ideal last meal was a A hot dog from Beverly Hill's famous Nate 'n Al Deli. We hope she had it. [HuffPo]

At the premiere of Savages, the new movie by human dimebag Oliver Stone, Blake Lively said that the two main male characters, played by Taylor Kitsch and Aaron Johnson, "love each other as much as they love the girl, which I find interesting." (Asked a reporter, "It's not what you would look for in a normal boyfriend, right?" She replied "No, no, no, definitely not, that is a little too complicated.") If you were interested, she is looking for a short, pear-shaped man in his mid-50s who cannot fulfill her sexually and calms himself down during crises by frantically stroking his gleaming bald spot. JK she's looking for a tall guy who makes her laugh. [Access Hollywood]

Mike Tyson hawks a Polish energy drink by singing at a piano (in English). Give me this version of Lost In Translation any day. (Speaking of things that are lost in translation: Mike Tyson.) [Buzzfeed]

It turns out that the secret of Tom Cruise's eternally youthful face is not a Fountain of Youth slip-n'-slide in the VIP room of the L.A. Scientology Center, but it is nightingale excrement. Every night he mixes bird shit with rice bran and water and slathers it on before bed. Given that bird feces can carry 60 different strains of disease, that's what I call RISKY BUSINESS YOU GUYS CSK;'L'E'F'O'WEGHSAG. On the bright side, I bet if you smear it on your junk it gives you glitter jizz! [Winnipeg Free Press]

The passion fruit flavored macarons of One Direction enjoy when females toss their underthings on the stage. [Contact Music]

Kelly Osbourne refers to own breasts as "shrinking bags of shit." [Contact Music]

Mariah Carey returns to music after a three year break to take care of her kids Moroccan, Monroe and Nick Cannon. BTW, that is NOT older-woman/younger-man shaming, just plain old levity. Nothing to see here. [Daily Mail]

Jessica Biel was nervous to wail on Kate Beckinsale in their Total Recall girlfight. [Monsters and Critics]

The members of that extremely famous '90s British girl group The Spice Racks or whatever will make £5 million each from their new musical Viva Forever but if Alan Cumming is not in it, it is worth nothing. [Digital Spy]

Jennifer Hudson almost got cold feet about her upcoming marriage and then Carrie Bradshaw gave her an expensive purse and it was all good. [Radar Online]

Chris Hemsworth told GQ, "I worked with a guy once who would chant, ‘I'm beautiful and I have a secret, I'm beautiful and I have a secret." [Just Jared]

Chuck Norris thinks President Obama's been pushing a "pro-gay agenda" on the Boy Scouts and he doesn't like it, which is weird because in the last few years I've felt late night TV/the Interwebs was pushing a pro-Chuck Norris agenda and I did not like it. [Politico]

It's about time a photograph of Jessica Simpson's child was on Twitter. [Twitter]

Denise Richards gave Andy Cohen a lap dance. The greatest trick a lap dance ever pulled was convincing the world it didn't exist. [HuffPo]