Well that's healthy.. I mean free emotion that is that's the great thing about being female you express themI can't find the link but there was a canadian girl who posted her FFS experience Which in her father took her to the hospital and the interaction between them had me. fighting back tears in public place I was so touched by itThis too makes me. emotional but it shows how far things have come naturally it's a. European production Their attitudes are more cosmopolitan

So in the mess last night I joined a table and the conversation some how turned to transgender as one woman recounted her experiences in a small town as a hair dresser where a couple of transgender residents would come in and get their eyebrows hair done etc ,she mentioned about facial hair whereupon a guy said how dedicated you'd have to be to to get rid of it, she then went on to talk about how thick skinned they must be to live openly in a small country townThen another girl mentioned that there was a transgender worker on a project she had previously worked on and was amazed that anyone like that would pick Fifo life she said that she felt sorry for her because of the other workers not there was any harassment but was impressed that she could be strong enough to handle it, I then said it would take a lot of courage... which every body at the table agreed with then one guy said it'd be a different story if you went to jail... I looked at him and said... well you'd just have to find yourself a man : ) which is true even if your male if you're vulnerable you need protection so better you pick then be preyed uponNext top the wetmess and guess what the subject at the bar was I had to make sure the difference between transgender and TV was known.... Lol I feel like I must have branded on my head... I'm always thinking about it.... Well I am anyway 24/7 but for the moment I'm just fence sitting watching the success of others waiting thinkingfor a time when I will finish my virtual FFS.... But something that haunts me is at another job before I even realised about myself my coworker girlfriend one day just out of the blue said to me "you know it's OK to be gay" I think the way she said it made it one of the kindest things anyone had ever said to me, but then next day we were walking to our trucks and it was like she had an epiphany and turned and blurted out to me " don't become a woman ..you'd make an ugly woman!! I thought at the time what a strange thing to say I didn't think any more of it at the time and I didn't think to ask her why she said that.... So strange ! Perplexing now though and what with the people around me consistantly mentioning my size strength etc blah blah and my gender therapist pointing my masculinity and woman hitting on me ... maybe it's a message from life.... In the end I don't want to look like some hideous representation of whatever.... So maybe androgynous partial FFS... it would at have to be an improvement on now.. so when I can bite the bullet and get the photos ... done I never thought I would feel such a repulsion and shame to doing that ....now I know how many others have felt or feel.. hah this fence is quite comfy.. And the blocker I've been taking is working ...breast tissue already... Lucky I haven't taken estrogen yet.. I new my body would be very responsive... but did not expect anything so quick it's weird though one side hurts more than the other..

Even stranger.... at the wetness last night I joined a table. with some of my crew and some of the hospitality camp crew tight fit was sitting next to a gay fella.. he's not the only one in the camp but he,s open about it anyway again the conversation went round to transgender topic and he told us about how he dated a transmana very handsome one at that too, that really got everyones attention then someone mentioned something about me. and girls stuff joking of course and I just laughed it off....then the gay guy turns to me and says I think you'd look pretty dressed up.... Lol😂 well there was a fair bit of booze floating around but we weren't leglessHowever it's great t to see how times have changed and people Are so much more broad mindedIn fact a while ago some knuckle dragger was slagging of gay fellas at the wetness and one of the Supervisorsgot up and said that there was no problems with it and if two guys wanted to get together then fair enough as their not hurting anyone... I must admit I work with a great crew out here in the middle of no where... makes life much easier ...these places your work mates become like family.... we all look out for each other at work... work hard party hard

Life loves to play games... this morning at the mess during breakfast my mate asks me if I had seen the new Hospitality girl, I said no.. he said tall big "t-ts" bolt on,s he said was a bit crass but we are in the bush and I did see her... and she's a transgirl very attractive walks right smiles nice.... she will be popular.... how do I know.... takes one to know one 💐😄hope I get to meet her.

being curious I asked my friend behind the bar who were the 2 dark haired new girls were she didn't know and then r the guy who's sweet on me turned up so Michelle asked him as he works in a different area anywayhe knew and immediately said oh that's so and so and she's a man which made me bristle somewhat as I see her as female anyway he's gay and should know better, but he's in the know and said she's very pretty and does modelling and has something like 30000 followers on instagram !!He couldn't understand. why she's up here as the money is so low now in their industry now the boom is over same in my industry 2Hmm so now I guess he'll tell her I was asking about them... first time I saw her early in the morning at breakfast she sat a.little.way down from me and out of the corner of my eye I noticed she did a double take look at me. then went back to eating maybe wary of me as look somewhat intimidating ho hum such is life second time she sat at a table in front of me facing her co worker who is shorter and abit older.... and watching her face I could see some transphobia and a whole lot of envy which is not surprising as our girl is very very attractive, tall, great body and the most beautiful head of Raven black locks running down her back anyway they look after another smaller camp nearby so what with travel and work etc probably won't see much of her which is a pity though I think I might be shy and over awed in the presence of such a stellar exsample of success

Sooo walking to the mess this morning this new person cut across in front of me... long black hair tall slim and what I would describe as femmine hips... I couldnt tell whether boy or girlthen at prestart same person there now either they are the most androgynous person I have ever seen or I could swear it's a mtf transitioning as their skin has that soft Hrt hue certainly that person has the right qualities to make good Hmm seems if i won't go to life... life will come to me hmmm what the oddsMaybe life is just taunting me or maybe I'm taunting me

Dunno Markie, I know an awful lot of trans women and men and I have to say I have never read an mtf who essentially passed and I've mistakenly read a couple of cis females as mtf (not that I ever asked, just learned about my wrong estimate as I got to know people over more time and their stories were clearly not those of trans women).

I know you're new to this and that will be bringing it to the forefront of your thinking, I suggest letting it go. People are usually happier being taken at face value. Just my $0.02

Met my first Transman the other night , yes up nere in the middle of nowhere 1500kms from perth , its been pouring up here so we were in the wetmess playing up as there would be no work the next day due to site conditions Anyway nice guy drank and joked around with us no haters in our crew ...its progress and a win for the lgbt community as it becoming a common sight now and every one is totally accepting

So today was a good day I'm on r&r first stop 5th lazer body hair removal , first time at this clinic fantastic ppricing 449$ for complete body and they did my face for free Technician was lovely over the 2 or so hours we talked about a variety of topics , eventually I told her why I was doing the lazer and she said she had thought so as she picked up on it when I had requested my face be done Anyway it's great liberating to be able to talk openly to someone you just met Next stop local needle exchange it's where I go to get my hrt kits for free and also to see the nurse they have there as she was able to get my last blood tests which show I no longer have the hep c virus so the treatment worked, I had to go through her as my r&r dates did not coincide with the hospital appointment dates so this was the way to handle thatso today went back to get hep a&b vaccine shots for free so during discussing my test Hrt I mentioned I was gradually cutting it down in preparation for estrogen which then led into me coming out to her... and she remarked that she had noticed there was something different about me first time she met me as I was very masculine but was softly spoken and had a peaceful space about me not a blokey type representation So we had a nice conversation I told her about my dramas with my perception of the psychs evaluation of meand she recommended I find someone more positive as I was leaving she said she had been observing me and she could See Me as female and it all made sense I was so happy for her comments was high all day a very positive experience next stop traditional Chinese massage where they walk up and down your back etc..... Put my back, back it place after a couple of weeks of Next stop my fave adult store, got talking to the girl behind the counter she spoke of how she likednher job there as she could be herself and met and had interesting conversations with people so I told her what I was up to and she was impressed and very interested in my plans she said she was pan sexual and was was attracted to people's personalities not body's looks etc which I am too, so after a few months of basically misery the clouds finally evaporated and now my purpose is revitalised I know as a female I look a train wreck but surgery and hormones will fix that, so all in a break day came out to 3perfect strangers and got nothing but admiration and positive affirmations 😹Oh and I decided to try crossdressing and during my online window shopping I gradually found how much I love female clothing I really love it all the different styles etc I bought myself some Goth attire which is my taste... Lol nothing fitted when it arrived bit I sent it back and got some replacements that did.. Lol me leggings and a mini skirt looks good though as long as I out apart bag over my head.... So lookng forward to going to an LGBT night club...final part of wardrobe are a set of custom made Spanish boots.... it seems that I am finally Coming out to myself in increments.... I can't describe how good it feels 😊

Got directed to a wig shop in Perth, as I was browsing their web site one of their chat staff started a dialogue with me, I explained I was male... She asked me of I was a cross dresser or "changing " : ) we had a nice chat.. Then went to the place.... Got a fitted wig during this the assistant was telling me they get a lot of cross dressers and tg people in there so it was a nice. postive experience left with some makeup tooI'm really starg to warm to wearing. female clothing ...its not. a fetish.... I. Just seem to like itLast stop cosmetics shop to get some black lipstick girl there was really cool and when I had what I wanted she smiled and said good luck with that women are so gracious towards me when they realise what I'm doing I love women they are so wonderful

Met a tg girl told her my story she strongly recommended her doc who she said had a great deal of exp with tgPeople, totally took me by surprise ...no dramatics recognized me instantly, I just have to make one visit to his recommended psychiatrist get the tick of approval and then the flood gates will be opened for me straight onto transition dose..... I'm amazed 😀..me on the way back toned down my macho dress standard for appointment 😂 a bit I guessstill look like crap. but that will change now

Met a tg girl told her my story she strongly recommended her doc who she said had a great deal of exp with tgPeople, totally took me by surprise ...no dramatics recognized me instantly, I just have to make one visit to his recommended psychiatrist get the tick of approval and then the flood gates will be opened for me straight onto transition dose..... I'm amazed 😀..me on the way back toned down my macho dress standard for appointment 😂 a bit I guessstill look like crap. but that will change now

Markie that is great I am so happy you are moving along in a direction that you are happy with. Its been awhile for you

Logged

"You have the right to live an authentic life!"Alex Jolly

Transition Begun 25 September 2015HRT since 17 May 2016Fulltime from 8 March 2017

Thx Liz yes it has mainly, due to me lol but now ive removed the self imposed blocks The best thing is no bs with this doc just straight down the line He actually said it was a pity I had not been caught at 15yrs old..... When I got home and thought about that I shed a few tears ,