If you like the same old Mission Impossible movies with rubber masks and predictable twists and turns followed by car chases and people getting saved at the last second, this will be your new favorite. In this MI universe people don’t eat, sleep, or use the bathroom so it must be in the future. I rate this movie two partially eaten Crunch bars. The end

In the future, criminals go see Jodie Foster and Bautista when they get shot up during dangerous heists because they’re underground doctors or something. Jodie Foster killed it just as much as when she played that deaf girl in the 90s. Watch this movie because I rate this 4 pumpernickels and 3.5 tabernacles. The end

The opening is dolphins (the water mammal, not the football team) singing a rednition of “Goodbye and Thank You for the Fish” before leaving the failed earth. This movie has a depressed robot, a guy with 2 heads, an all knowing computer, and paperwork obsessed slug looking aliens. And the answers to all of lifes questions is “42” which translates to “watch this shit!” The end.

Apparently this is a shark movie, not a movie about Meg Ryan or Megan Fox. It’s a new age Jaws except Jason Statham and Dwight from The Office are in it. It’s exactly what you’d expect, unless, like me, you expected a Meg Ryan movie. The end.

This movie has everything 80’s: big hair, jelly bracelets, mom jeans with 9 inch zippers, gratuitous 80’s nudity, Short Circuit Johnny 5 type killer robots, and electric music. Some high school kids that look 25 have to fight killer robots in a mall. It was a good one! The end

I had never heard of this movie but holy maxi pad was I impressed! A computer gets put in a guys brain and he knows karate, a la the matrix, sort of, but not really. If you like cool stuff, have good taste, and probably also have a weiner (small or large) you are sure to like this movie. The end.

From guest reviewer Kim: If you are looking for tons of dino action, it won’t be found here. Overall movie equates to a 9 year old’s garage skit with his dolls. Oh, three sentences, also know your video games to get those 9 year old punch lines. The end.

This movie with a kick ass name (I mean, Future World! Come on!) has A bad ass James Franco, Snoop Dogg, a dying Lucy Liu, Leeloo from The Fifth Element, and a hot chick robot. With all those gems, all they needed was a good plot from the ‘future’, but there wasn’t one. No cool ray guns, time travel portals, aliens, or spaceships; just some kid trying to get his mom medecine and save a robot. The end.