‘Stock up stock down’ with Neil Patrick Healy

As Danny Willett was on his way to a Masters victory, his brother PJ was live tweeting the best way you can — drunk. It is a tweet-by-tweet documentation of a brother’s intoxicated account of the Masters unfolding before his eyes, as his brother became the second Englishman to win the green jacket.

The tweets start out with the simple dig as heavy favorite Jordan Spieth was going through an epic collapse.

“Spieth is lining up his putt,” PJ Willett said. “If I’m quick I can get a beer, go to the toilet, and paint the spare room b4 he hits it.”

A few tweets later, PJ Willett tweeted out a photo of a bottle of champagne with the caption “Just downed in one. Work will understand. Behave yourself, Spieth.” Such golden nuggets like “Green makes you look fat, refuse the jacket” and “My boy has massive bollocks” lead me to believe that we all need support like this from our family members. If there’s one thing we learned, it’s that drunken Twitter rampages from our loved ones show that they truly care.

STOCK DOWN: JORDAN SPIETH

If you’re having a bad day this week, just be thankful that you’re not Jordan Spieth. The entire sports world watched in horror as the reigning Masters champion squandered his lead on Masters Sunday by a quadruple bogey on the 12th hole. The ESPN headline later that day read, “Jordan Spieth’s collapse at the Masters is the most shocking in golf history.” Spieth had the tournament locked up for three and a half days, was getting ready to go back to back and had his green jacket fitted for him when he puked up a 1-stroke lead. He finished tied for second with Lee Westwood three shots behind Danny Willett, who shot a 67 in the final round on Sunday.

People are already comparing him to Greg Norman’s Masters collapse in 1996, who also met his choking climax on the 12th hole. Talk about rubbing salt in the wound, you know your collapse was epic when people forget the name of the guy who won the tournament. On ESPN radio some hosts had to keep referring to Willett as “the Masters champion” because they kept forgetting his name. Golf is cruel because there are no teammates to lean on or help shoulder the blame. It’s all on him, so it’ll be interesting to see how Spieth responds, and if he can collect himself after such a mental meltdown.

Neil Patrick Healy can be reached at neil@sagbrush. unr.edu and on Twitter @NP_Healy.