It's possible that I was going "Oh, I think I have a tumblr somewhere, don't I?" at work and spent about 5 minutes figuring out my login for whoisyourb. Then it finally worked and I realized I WORK AT A CHILDREN'S THEATRE and sexisnottheenemy but it's also not safe for work. HAHA PENISES.

Title: Learning Your LinesAuthor: hoosierbitchSeries: Shakespeare!AU (This can be read as a standalone piece. Basically: Neal's an actor who plays female parts. Peter likes all his parts. \o/)Rating: NC-17Notes: I started this as a birthday present for elrhiarhodan, and luckily for me, it's late enough that I can also sneakily use it as a thank you for her generosity over this past weekend. (Seriously. She's like my fairy godmother.) Content advisory: Crossdressing, corset kink, waxplay, marking, bruises, breathplay, D/s dynamics. If you need more information, please contact me, I’m happy to help.Thanks: rabidchild67 helped beta & choreograph. Any remaining mistakes are all my fault.

I'mma go ahead and admit that I'm picturing Clint in those handcuffs/lingerie.

Anyway! FIVE ACTS! YAY! What better way to fill my finals week break than with porn, amirite? Hopefully it'll help break up my writer's block! Here's how it works:

+ Post a list of your five favorite acts/kinks to read about. Check out this list if you need some inspiration. At the bottom of your post, add what fandoms/pairings you're interested in.+ Read other people's lists; the master list of lists is here.+ Post comment-fic based off of other people's interests.

1. Nervous Sex: One or both or all parties involved being nervous about sex, and the other person/people being kind and sweet and considerate and adventurous about it. It can be virgin!kink, first time, maybe dealing with issues of past dubcon/noncon. Any insecurity!kink you can stick in there would be awesome.

2. Dom/Sub: Established dom/sub relationships that are natural and comfortable. That doesn't mean it can't be rough and kinky as fuck--that'd actually be great!--but it's all Safe, Sane, and Consensual, with all the elements discussed beforehand, and everyone being happy to be in their chosen role.

4. Overstimulation: Lots of toys or wax/ice or multiple partners--drive someone out of their mind. Post-orgasm play is also a fave. It hurts so good...

5. Poly Sex: Multiple partners together. Everybody's experience being enhanced by the fact that there are more people. Some people are built to love more than one partner, and if they're lucky, they'll find people who can accommodate that or feel the same way. So. I would like to read that.

Title: my fleeing heart (aka: this ain’t your mama’s greek alphabet)Fandom: AvengersRating: NC-17Word Count: 15,500Pairing: Clint/Coulson, Clint/Thor/Steve, Clint/OMCsContent Advisory: Non-con, dub-con, underage, biteplay (and accompanying incidental bloodplay), D/s, self-lubrication in men. Referenced: incest, gangbangs, bondage. PM me if you need any more information about the warnings! :-)Notes: Oh, man. So, like, this is a universe/structure that (I think) came out of werewolf fic in Supernatural fandom. It’s an excuse for biological D/s and bestial, pheromones-made-them-do-it sex. How it works (in my version, there are many different takes on it) is that Alphas are tops, Betas are normal (and make up the vast majority of the population), and Omegas are submissives. Every so often Omegas go into heat, which is similar to what cats go through (IDEK), and they want to have lots of sex. This is as much about Clint’s backstory as it is about the porn. So it's...angst-sex? Angsex? You know what I mean.Thanks: Many thanks to arsenicjade, who is amazing. ♥

Summary: Clint’s heats have never been easy, but this one is especially bad.

Title: my fleeing heart (aka: this ain’t your mama’s greek alphabet)Fandom: AvengersRating: NC-17Word Count: 15,500Pairing: Clint/Coulson, Clint/Thor/Steve, Clint/OMCsContent Advisory: Non-con, dub-con, underage, biteplay (and accompanying incidental bloodplay), D/s, self-lubrication in men. Referenced: incest, gangbangs, bondage. PM me if you need any more information about the warnings! :-)Notes: Oh, man. So, like, this is a universe/structure that (I think) came out of werewolf fic in Supernatural fandom. It’s basically an excuse for biological D/s and bestial, pheromones-made-them-do-it sex. How it works (in my version, there are many different takes on it) is that Alphas are tops, Betas are normal (and make up the vast majority of the population), and Omegas are submissives. Every so often Omegas go into heat, which is similar to what cats go through (IDEK), and they want to have lots of sex. This is as much about Clint’s backstory as it is about the porn. So it's kind of...angst-sex? Angsex? You know what I mean. Thanks: Many thanks to arsenicjade, who is amazing. ♥

Summary: Clint’s heats have never been easy. This one is especially bad.

So last night, I was like: 'I'mma take a break from this long fic I'm working on, and write some random fun Avengers smut!'

Now I'm 6k into an omega!Clint fic. I don't really know how the alpha/beta/omega genre evolved, but I'm having fun writing a biologically driven D/s dynamic. Instead of a PWP, though, it's turning out all angsty and mildly plotty, and I've only just now gotten to a sex scene. It's not even with the main pairing.

MY PORN IS BROKEN.

Lala.

I spent two hours texting made-up insults with BFF today. We ended on "wheedledump" and "scatterass." My favorites, though, were "rumfuzzle" and "bumplefrump."

It's a fun game.

Summer camp is going well. I have snapped at some small children, but THEY DESERVED IT. O.o I made some time this week to work with two of the super-quiet girls, who are now almost audible when they talk onstage. I'm giving myself back-pats. \o/ The guy who's actually directing the play has been gone for the last three days, so I've gotten to do a lot more, which is great, but a couple of times rehearsal has started, and people start looking at me, and I'm stuck going: '...buzzwah?' Sometimes they neglect to tell me that no one else is coming in, and that I need to take charge and make schedules and find space. It's frustrating, but, ultimately, I'm learning more and getting great experience! POSITIVITY! (That's not a word. How is that not a word?)

Arizona's still hot, but thus far, it's nothing compared to St. Louis. I'd much rather be in 112 degree temp in AZ than 95 in St. Louis. Dry heat really does make a difference.

DID YOU GUYS KNOW THAT THERE ARE REAL LIVE CACTUSES IN THE DESERT? LIKE, FOR REAL?

*stares out the window*

*

In more serious news: It seems like a lot of folks are having a rough time right now. Maybe it's because the weather's changing, maybe because it's the end/beginning of semesters, or maybe it's because sometimes life just kicks you in the balls/ovaries for no reason at all.

So if you've been having a crap day/week/month/year/life, or are expecting to go through a rough/busy/depressing/stressful/unpleasant time sometime soon, you should request a fic from me. Even if all that's happened is that you stubbed your toe--which can suck, especially if it's your little toe, because then you feel like a bully--you should request something. Think of it as a hug-substitute (because if we were close together, I would hug you, because I am huggy. Also if we were close together you too would be in the DESERT where there are CACTUSES).

You can check my fandom tags for things I'm familiar with (and also add everything Jeremy Renner's ever done, and Parks & Rec). I'll write any pairings, ratings, and kinks. Request whatever would be the written equivalent of (vegetarian) chicken soup for your soul. I know it's not much, but I'd like to help if I can.

As always, anon commenting is enabled.

I adore you all! [Also I adore cactuses! But I like you guys more. Probably.]

Also, I am going on a woman-up-and-reply-to-comments spree, so, for those of you who reply on a lot of my fics: first of all--THANK YOU! Secondly--I apologize in advance for the slew of comments you're about to receive. I have, like, weird mental problems about feedback, which is why it takes me so long to reply. It's not because I don't appreciate comments (I LOVE THEM, I've been smiling like a crazy person while replying to them), it's just that I...get overwhelmed by them, or something. And I'm always afraid that my replies will seem disingenuous, or be inadequate to express how happy and grateful I am for the feedback. Okay? Okay.

/feels

In other news: I forgot to celebrate this when I came up, but it's my new favorite fandom milestone: when I first made my mistress (master) list of fics, I dated it out of order, setting it way in the future so that it'd stay at the top of my journal. 'Way in the future'--aka, March 4th, 2012--has come and gone. :-)

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand finally:

I need a beta, y'all. I've got 5k of new kid!Neal, about 4k in Marvel fic (CLINT IS DYSLEXIC AND NEEDS NATASHA's PLATONIC LOVE), a giant Grimm WIP, and...IDK, other stuff too. I tend to write fics for challenges and things and then not collect them (again, because of my WHAT IF PEOPLE DON'T LIKE THEM/ME issues). I'd prefer if my close friends--people with whom I've met in person seems like a good barometer of that--didn't volunteer. (I love you guys! I just want to keep my neurosis separate from my relaxing-time.)

...any volunteers for betaing duty (even if just for one fic, one fandom, specific ratings, whatever), suggestions of places/posts to find a beta, or recommendations for people I can ask? Thank you in advance. :-)