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February 6, 2012

Sex | Freedom To Explore

I’m sure many of you that have been following my sexual adventure of late must be thinking my husband is a bit crazy to allow me to enjoy these situations that arise. From flirtatious interludes in the hallway at work, to a deep tongue kiss in his office (more on that at a later date, promise), there have been some very non-traditional aspects of my sex life.

That is not to say any of this has come easily. It takes a huge amount of courage on both sides of my marriage to travel down this path…and it’s not something you can seek advice on or chat with a lot of your friends about. It also takes a big leap of faith in believing that none of it will have repercussions down the road.

But we must try to live for day instead of fearing what may come tomorrow.

I found this interesting article about female sexuality, and the research results of two scientists from the University of Guelph. Mostly it was about women's declining interest in sex over the period of a relationship, but some of the comments really rang true for me...

"When an individual has had sex with their partner over the course of many, many years, it takes creativity and openness to keep things fresh and exciting. Making time to be together and keep one's sex life as an important part of one’s relationship is very important, and putting in effort and keeping things fun and interesting are crucial components," says researcher Sarah Murray.

I couldn't agree more with that. The idea of making time to focus on the sexual side of a relationship is vital...even if it's just a lot of talking and sharing of fantasies, desires and lusts.

I’m not even sure where my personal sexual adventure really began. When we first started with the website thing, as I mentioned a long time ago, it came from a situation where I had lost a bet with my husband and agreed to him posting a few nude pics on a site that specialized in amateur models - where everyday people like me could explore the sexy side of the Internet and a playful level of exhibitionism. A handful of suggestive photos evolved into over 25,000.

As we started down a more intriguing path of discovery, both of us started to realize - and come to terms with - some things in the deep recesses of our minds could be shared without being judged for them. Fantasies, desires, kinks and questions came pouring out over the years and the strangest thing happened…

Our relationship AND friendship grew.

I’m not going to suggest that what has worked for us is going to work for everyone. But what I can see is that there are a lot of couples who live separate lives together, refusing for some reason to let their partner into the deeper, and sometimes darker, corners of their sexual personality.

And what is sad about that, is people are often left to wonder “what if…”

I don’t know if I’m lucky to have the freedom to experiment, or fortunate that my marriage is one built on exploring what life has to offer without too many hang-ups.