June 30, 2009

It seems that all of the leading economic experts have been wrong about the causes of the current recession. it's quite surprising that it has taken so long for the REAL root cause. A Rushthuglibot lawmaker from the great state of confusion Oklahoma has proclaimed that the current economic woes have been caused by gays, porn, and abortion.Jebus wept.

The San Diego Union-Tribune reports that a fundraiser for Francine Busby, who previously ran for the deeply-Republican Fiftieth District and came close to winning in the 2006 special election and subsequent regular election, was raided by sheriffs after an unnamed neighbor made a noise complaint. Busby now calls it a "phony" noise complaint, and the article says that multiple neighbors said there was no great noise at all.Here's the twist: The fundraiser was hosted by a lesbian couple, and shortly before the sheriffs came a particular neighbor had shouted anti-gay slurs at the assembled crowd. "It was a quiet home reception, disrupted by a vulgar person shouting obscenities from behind the bushes," Busby says.As one neighbor told the paper: "We didn't hear anything until the sheriff came, with eight patrol cars and a helicopter."

Everybody knows that you need plenty of backup when you go bust up lesbian parties. Lesbians are notorious rioters and might rampage through the neighborhood ruining traditional marriage (between a man and a woman, and a woman from Argentina) unless they are stopped!!I'm surprised nobody got tasered.

Pictured: A small group of angry lesbians prepare to go on rampage, intent on destroying traditional marriage.

So this morning, Ridge went back on Washington Journal, responding to Limbaugh’s rhetoric. “I’m so sick of Rush Limbaugh. He’s the reason we lose elections. He needs to get the hell out of the Republican Party. As far as I’m concerned, he isn’t a Republican anymore. The man’s running. The man’s hiding. He’s too scared to face me!”

Ridge continued his rant, threatening Limbaugh. “Meanwhile, he sits there in his ‘Southern Command Post,’ and destroys the Republican Party! I’d like to just have three rounds in a boxing ring with that guy so I could shut him up! I’m caling (sic) you out, Limbaugh. Let’s see if you have a big enough set of marbles to back up your crap!”

It's satire, sure, but Fox "News" took the bait. And, Fox being Fox, no one had the brains to pick up a phone and ask Ridge if it were true.Fairly Imbalanced. Indeed.

Asked why he spent an hour reading bits of the cap-and-trade bill on the House floor Friday night in a Donald Duck voice, persistently-tanned John Boehner replied, "Hey, people deserve to know what's in this pile of shit!" before storming off, weeping in fury.

Classy! One Democratic aide quipped, "What do you expect from a guy who thinks global warming is caused by cow manure?"

Asked if he was running for president, Pawlenty flat-out lied, saying "I don't know what the future holds for me, but I do know this. I feel strongly about the values and principles for the Republican Party."

Values, huh? Yeah. Explain that shit again to the FAMILY of AL FRANKEN, you putz. Ahem.

Hero/patriot Dan Froomkin says goodbye to his readers and good riddance to the Wah!Poo in a gracious column. Well, OK, he reams the the neocon suckhole a new one. But in an amicable and gallant way. Sort of:

When I look back on the Bush years, I think of the lies. There were so many. Lies about the war and lies to cover up the lies about the war. Lies about torture and surveillance. Lies about Valerie Plame. Vice President Dick Cheney's lies, criminally prosecutable but for his chief of staff Scooter Libby's lies. I also think about the extraordinary and fundamentally cancerous expansion of executive power that led to violations of our laws and our principles. How did the media cover it all? Not well...

Hopefully, the next time the nation faces a grave national security crisis, we will listen to the people who were right, not the people who were wrong, and heed those who reported the truth, not those who served as stenographers to liars.

The supreme leader of the Rushthuglibot party, Lush Bimbo has pronounced that the Mark Sanford extra marital fucky sucky is, wait for it, all Obama's fault. When you're the Messiah (or the Antichrist, I guess),all things are possible.

Because nothing says 'I ♥ Jesus' more than being able to plug the sucker a few pews down for taking the primo parking spot earlier.

Seriously, WTF??

LOUISVILLE, Ky. -- Ken Pagano, the pastor of the New Bethel Church here, is passionate about gun rights. He shoots regularly at the local firing range, and his sermon two weeks ago was on “God, Guns, Gospel and Geometry.” And on Saturday night, he is inviting his congregation of 150 and others to wear or carry their firearms into the sanctuary to “celebrate our rights as Americans!” as a promotional flier for the “open carry celebration” puts it. [...]

“I don’t understand how any minister who is familiar with the teachings of the Bible can do this,” John Phillips, pastor of the Central Church of Christ in Little Rock, said. “Jesus didn’t say, ‘Go ahead, make my day.’"

Pagano's reaction? What else but 'Why does Mr Phillips hate the Gospel?'

June 25, 2009

After Sanford tells a reporter he "was surprised the story was attracting such attention," the editors conclude that not only is the man a lying criminal horndog, but completely off his fucking tree.

A South Carolina newspaper called Thursday for the resignation of the state's governor, who has admitted to having to an extramarital affair with an Argentine woman.

Republican Mark Sanford told The State newspaper he was surprised the story was attracting such attention.

Gov. Mark Sanford "cannot navigate a deep and painful personal crisis and lead the state through its economic crisis at the same time," an editorial in the Spartanburg Herald-Journal said. "He should resign."

After disappearing for nearly a week, Sanford admitted after he was caught that he had not hiked the Appalachian Trail after all. Unless by "hiking the Appalachian Trail" you mean "bonking the bejeebus out of some foreign babe on the taxpayer dime." Then, yeah.

Awwwwwwwwz. Conservaturds, who still make jokes about the Clenis, are outraged that some people are having fun at a major-league hypocrite's expense. The best part? Weapons-grade stupid Rushbot Mark Finkelstein helpfully lists just about every one of Ed Schultz's takedowns of Sanford on MSNBC last night, AND provides the video.

Abandoning your wife and four kids -- and on Father's Day yet! -- is bad enough when you've made your name as a defender of marriage & family and moral watchdog.

But its about to get even worse for this 'fiscal conservative' as news of his financial flimflammery starts spurting out like Lindsey Graham's freedom-juice at a Cub Scout jamboree.

In December, the AssPress reported that taxpayers had spent $21,488 in 2008 alone on Gov Mark "moral legitimacy" Sanford's trips to China, Argentina, and Brazil, as well as nearly $2,000 in travel expenses from his own office.

At the time, it was thought they were fact-finding trips by a state governor, as opposed to fuck-finding trips by an sanctimonious adulterer.

"Wasteful State department spending" indeed.

Above: the disgraced governor checks to make sure his pecker is still there after a royal reaming by the press, his wife.

Neal "kneel" Boor-tz gets all pissy when President Obama doesn't pull a flag-pin out of his ass and rub himself off on it, the way Tipsy McStaggers used to:

So what did you think of Obama's press conference yesterday? Maybe you were more struck by what Obama DIDN'T say compared to what he read from the teleprompter.

Sigh. Still at it, jackass? Try getting some new material -- this stuff is so goddamn old and stupid it could be mistaken for Sen. McCain. And wtf does that even MEAN??

Above: a refresher for Mr Boor-tz, who is one of the most imbecilic man-skanks ever, on this or any other planet. He goes on, unfortunately:

For example, the Politico points out that his 55-minute news conference failed to include the words "Iraq" or "Afghanistan." That's not all, try the words "Korea," "Pakistan," "soldiers," "surge" and "war." No mention of the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marine. None of 'em. A stark difference from our previous president ...

Oh, the Politico! Figures. How... very... helpful and newsy. Clue: he was discussing the situation in Iran, dickweed.

He also left out "terra," "terra," "terra," "9/11," "terra," September 11th, "terra," "9/11" and "Boor-tz is a fucking asshat." A 'stark difference' indeed, in that he DIDN'T come off as an ignorant, drooling sub-goon.

Senator John Ensign has set a wonderful example of social conservatism and the sanctity of marriage by heroically admitting he cheated on his wife. The fact that he only did so after being threatened with blackmail is just a coincidence.

South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford's mysterious disappearance from his state is the latest sign that Republican governors, once thought to be President Obama's most credible adversaries, haven't quite lived up to their billing.

From Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal's cringe-inducing nationally televised response to Obama's first budget address to Texas Gov. Rick Perry's suggestion that his state might secede, GOP governors — including those said to be eyeing a potential 2012 presidential bid — haven't exactly looked like the political grown-ups many party strategists had promised. And none has had a rockier go of it than the party's best-known governor, Alaska's Sarah Palin.

June 23, 2009

What the Obama administration has to do is the governing equivalent of having a threesome with hot-looking conjoined female twins attached at the vagina. Before you can even get to the fucking, you gotta separate them, make sure they have functioning pussies, and wait for them to heal. In other words, you gotta get back to "normal" before you can get to "awesome."

Boneheaded public servant Mark Sanford hasn't been seen since Thursday. His wife said she doesn't know where he is. His kids were without a dad on Father's Day. His office was playing stupid.

And either the Appalachian Trail was being pissed on by a family-values douchewipe who needed to escape from his home and "clear his head," or some seedy motel room was hosting the governor, his leather-clad enamorato, and a burro.

Glenn Greenwald: the Washington Poo's op-ed and editorial pages are giving conservaturd propaganda machine Fux Nooze a run for its money, especially with the firing of Dan Froomkin and the unbelievable hiring of neocon warmongering cretin Paul Wolfowitz.

The Washington Post does more to advance neoconservative ideology than The Weekly Standard, the American Enterprise Institute and Commentary combined. But Post columnist Charles "krap" Krauthammer -- and so many like him -- fantasize that they're surrounded by a Liberal Media that oppresses, persecutes and silences them. Just ponder the levels of delusion and self-pity necessary to believe that.

Republicans are growing increasingly critical of Prez Obama's Iran policy. Except for Richard Lugar and Henry Kissinger, two of the most respected foreign policy minds in Washington, that is. Oh, and this guy who served under some republican president:

Richard Murphy, a career diplomat who served as assistant secretary of state for Near Eastern and South Asian affairs in the Reagan administration, said Mr Obama should continue to stay out of an internal Iranian political fight.

“To throw our weight around at this point in time is not going to help who we might like to see come out on top. It’s the kiss of death,” Mr Murphy said. "Anything we say is going to be useless … it’s just a feel-good gesture on the part of certain politicians.”

Hmmmm... three guesses to what the Senate, owned by spineless, 'We ♥ Bipartisanship!!1!'-crying Democra jellyfish, will do....

Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington will file a complaint with the Senate Ethics Committee asking lawmakers to investigate the circumstances surrounding an affair that rethuglican Sen. John Ensign had with a campaign aide.

The dismissals of homewreaking bint Cindy Hampton and 'top aide'/pathetic patsy Doug Hampton due to the adulterous bonkfest would have violated a Senate rule that bars employment discrimination, says CREW. Meanwhile, the very same "lawmakers" were already showing solidarity with the hypocritical horndog on the Senate floor:

Repuke Sen. Sam Brownback talked with Ensign for several minutes and Lindsey Graham gave him a quick embrace & ass-squeeze. Fellow repug Jeff Sessions of Alabama patted Ensign's hand and Orrin Hatch, R-Utah, actually shook the Promise Breaker's smeggie paw, and the two stood side-by-side for about a minute in silence as the vote continued.

While the rightwingnuttosphere remains quiet on double-family-destroying itchypants Senator Ensign, they certainly are making a squawk over Barbara Boxer, who had the temerity to bonk an aide umm, cheat on her husba errr, disappear from the bosom of her fami uhhh, ask someone to call her 'Senator.'

Dennis Prager at conservatard site towndump.com is appalled -- appalled! at such affrontery, such horror. Of course he is.

To object to being called sir or ma'am by anyone, especially a member of the military and especially a high ranking member of the military is to betray an ignorance of the military and a tone deafness to civility that is appalling in anyone, especially a member of the United States Senate.

Second, and both more revealing and more instructive, is to understand how inconceivable it would be for a male senator to make such comments.

Fucking women!! Leave it to da bitches! Men would never behave so inappropriately!

No, Mr Prager, YOU are the embarrassment. Is this what you've chosen to gnash your teeth about today? Honestly. I'm sure wifey # 3 can find something better for you to do.

Senator Coburn knew of John Ensign’s affair 16 months ago -- and concealed it from the public. But what did the conservative moral crusader tell his libidious, cheating friend in private? Max Blumenthal wants to know...

“Our culture that too often glorifies promiscuous sex without consequences should not be surprised by this scandal,” then-Rep. Coburn declared at the height of impeachment proceedings against President Bill Clinton. “The tragic consequences of the president's behavior should prompt us to reassert the high moral standards that form the foundation of our freedom.”

Sigh. Right. Inspiring. We all remember how wank-brained sausage jockeys like Larry Craig, David Vitter and Newt Gingrich took those words to heart. But Coburn wasn't done there:

Four months after being sworn into the Senate Coburn hosted an event for young staffers called “Revenge of the STDs.” Theme music from a Star Wars film blasted as staffers filed into a darkened room in the Senate basement. Once they were seated, Coburn projected graphic images of diseased, wart-infested genitalia on the wall while describing the ghastly consequences of engaging in sex with multiple partners. According to a press release for the event, staffers were treated to “a free pizza lunch” while they watched Coburn’s slideshow.

OMFG. This is hysterical, but OMFG. Syph-ravaged nads and pizza? Fuck. You can't make this shit up. So, as a 'staunch conservative' ...

Did Coburn show Ensign his Star Wars-themed slideshow on the dangers of having multiple sex partners?

Coburn called on Larry Craig to quit the Senate. Now he has said about Ensign, “Lots of people make mistakes.” Does Coburn have a double standard? Or should Ensign quit the Senate immediately?

This guy's a riot -- here are more fun Coburn facts pulled from his Wikipedia page:

He endorsed Alan Keyes for president in 2000.

His great-grandmother was raped by a sheriff.

He allegedly committed Medicaid fraud when he sterilized a woman. Against her will.

He blocked bipartisan-sponsored legislation creating the Lewis and Clark Mount Hood Wilderness, which would have protected wild lands in Oregon, Washington, and Idaho.

A noted douchebag, he protested the airing of the Academy Award-winning Holocaust drama Schindler's List, saying TV had been taken "to an all-time low, with full-frontal nudity, violence and profanity."