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Tuesday, January 19, 2010

There was the time when I cut my ear while shampooing my hair because I kept the razor in my hand from shaving my legs and went to lather up my scalp and - ouch.

Then there was the time right before Ken and I got married when I was driving his car (yes, we were still in "his and her" land) when I got a foot cramp at a stop light. I put the car in park to massage my foot. I then took the car out of park (the light was still red - long light) and meant to put my foot on the brake, but instead put it on the gas, revved up and ran right into the truck stopped in front of me. The guy I hit was so confused. I'll never forget when he said, "You were just sitting there, stopped at the light when all the sudden you sped up and hit me. What the hell?" And yes, Ken still did marry me. You can talk to him about that.

Truly, the list goes on and on.

Well, unfortunately I got to add to my dumb-as-shit list today. I went to the gym, feeling a bit nervous about this tempo run I was going to do. So, maybe I was distracted. I hadn't done 7:56 min/miles in awhile. I got there and all the treadmills were taken. This never happens. So I change and stand around waiting for one to open up. Finally, an older woman gets off of her treadmill. I wasn't totally sure she was finished, so I asked her and she said she was. I guess I was so giddy to finally score a treadmill, that I walked up and got on the treadmill without realizing (wait for it):

The treadmill was on!

Yes, my friends, she had left it on. I was in enough of my own world that I didn't take note. Most people would have noticed it was on with the belt moving and all. But, nope, not me.

So, you can imagine what happens next. I swear if someone had been videotaping this I would for sure win some contest. I go flailing off the end of the treadmill (not unlike those contestants on the Biggest Loser who can't take it and roll off). My water, phone and iPod go flying. Someone (It might of been me starts yelling, "Oh no! Oh no!"). I am scrambling, trying to get some sort of footing, but I am on my stomach and really the only thing to do is to let the damn machine throw me onto the floor. This whole episode has actually made quite a bit of noise in our echoey gym, so I'm pretty confident everyone there saw this happen. The only thing that could have been worse is if I crapped myself during this escapade, but I was spared.

So what do I do? What any respectable person does when you make a fool out of yourself. You ignore any and all pain you are feeling and get up and act like you meant to do what you just did. You do anything and everything to divert attention away from yourself. Someone asks if I have any injuries. I'm smiling, giggling even as I say "Oh, no." But my knee is killing me and as I pick up my phone I notice it has a piece of skin on it (I later realize this is from my thumb).

And the tempo run? Hell yeah, I killed it! My ego might be kind of damaged and I might need to join a different gym, but those 7:56 min/miles have got nothin' on me. What's really ironic? I am coming back from a stress fracture and spend every ounce of my being trying to not get re-injured and then I go and do this. Seriously, what is wrong with me?

The damage (could've been a lot worse and yes those are hairs on my leg. If Nair wants to send me some samples to review, that would be fine):

PS: Happy birthday to Ken who turns 44 today. He is the love of my life. And he married me despite all of my short comings (bloody ear, wrecking his car, poopy pants).

OMG, I feel like we are friends from another life! We are so the same person!!! Last December, I did the EXACT same thing. Only I couldn't fake that I was okay. The treadmills were all full, it was 6:30AM, I saw a guy get off the treadmill from across the gym, so I rushed to get on it and he left it on. Not at 3.0 but at like 7.0. I went flying and somehow ended up punching the ground with my fist on the fall. People rushed to me, I was crying, I couldn't move my hand. I thought I broke it!! I then went to the hospital (yes I did just write that... the hospital!) and I got a deep sprain. Needless to say I stopped going to the gym in the morning for awhile. So embarrassing!! It happened over a year ago and I still get made fun of from my friends... "remember that time you fell off the treadmill..." I still like the blame the dude for leaving it on. But yes, I probably should have looked down before stepping on. You live you learn. Glad you recovered with an awesome tempo!

Oh Beth, what are we going to do with you? You are so funny, the things that happen to you are just crazy:) Thank goodness it is just a mill burn and nothing more serious! Glad to hear you kicked butt on your tempo run!!

Loved the title of this post! Couldn't wait to read it! OWE! I can't believe she left it on---how, why, huh? Is what I say to her leaving it on! I can't believe you ran after that! I would have just sat there and cried. ;)

Oh my gosh! I'm so glad that you are okay! I probably would have done the same thing. I am so absent minded sometimes and totally accidently hit the gas instead of the brake and blew a stop sign one day-- after i intentionally slowed down for it. if it makes you feel any better, when i was away at school, i was in the cafeteria getting my food. salad, chicken fingers, ranch the works... and slipped on a grape. god only knows how one can slip on a grape but i did and my tray, food, ranch and everything went FLYING. needless to say i landed very hard on my knee and the entire place went silent. i obivously was red as can be and felt like a giant moron. i couldnt walk and had to be carried out of there. fail. it was the most embarrasing moment of my entire life.... and i think falling off a treadmill is something i would do. time and time again im always getting my footing wrong. one of these days i will end up bass ackwards and on my head. i may laugh though, then bow for being so grateful.

Who leaves the treadmill on? Actually it happened to me once and I was rather grumpy (read bitchy) with the person who did it. I never thought I had to check to see if the treadmill was on!!! And I fell off once because I talked to the person next to me. Now I look forward and do only one thing at a time. If I turn to talk I hold on! So you have my compete sympathy. It hurt like hell when I fell and I was mortified!

oh no! This is totally normal... I think? haha seriously though... i tried to "scare" my friend by running up to her while she was on a tradmill. Well it was the kind without a back so the belt moves pretty freely. Welllll I didn't notice that and while i was doing a poor job at scaring my friend, I felt a very cold sensation on my leg... then a very very hot one! I realized the tradmill was spinning so fast it felt cold at first. Burned a few layers of skin on my leg!!

Decided to run on the treadmill with my eyes closed -- landed in a puddle at the bottom of the wall. Locked keys in the car, in the middle of the road, with the engine running. Stick finger into car lighter to see if it was working (it was). Fall into boxes. Pee (not poop, tho) my pants way more than any childless woman of 40something should ever admit to. Leave groceries on the roof, food on my shirt, keys in the front door. Can I stop now?

You will now forever be George Jetson to me. The only thing that makes those episodes better is sharing, so you know your sacrifice was worth all of the enjoyment we get from it. (And impressive that you still did such a great run.)

I literally laughed all the way through this post (except for the cutting of the ear, ouch!)!!! I can only imagine what the guy in the car was thinking - I mean, I'm laughing just thinking about it again!!

And you poor, poor thing!!! I can't imagine falling off of the treadmill with a gym full of people!!! I'm so sorry!!!

OMG this story made me laugh when I really needed it - but... I CANNOT for the life of me figure out what the heck that is a picture of?? I realize it's a part of your body, but is it your knee? It sort of looks like your heel? I've re-read the post looking for clue but I'm still lost! Clue me in!

I feel bad but cannot help but to be laughing heartily...primarily because this is totally something I would go and probably will. Youtube the treamill scene in Mr Woodcock. This will be me I am sure.....

We must be cut from the same cloth. I'm always hurt and have to think up ways to explain the injury that doesn't sound retarded. The "I meant to do that" thing goes down to the bone in me. I once rode my bike into a sewer grate, flew over the handle bars and landed - miraculously - on my feet in front of a crowd. What could I do? I shouted "Ta-da!" and took a bow.

Best.Post.Ever. I'm not laughing at you but with you my friend. I am the biggest klutz! Just yesterday I ran square into the corner of the paper shredder that has been in the same spot for YEARS. It hurt like a mo-fo, too! I always have bruises and never know where come from.Glad you're okay! BTW, I only shave my legs when I have races in the winter...lets just say I haven't raced in awhile :)

It is very funny. I almost did it once after I jumped off the treadmill for a bathroom break and then almost walked back on without considering that the treadmill was still on and moving. Right at the last minute I caught myself.

I feel so bad about laughing at your experience but you created such an image in my mind. Sincerely hope your injury doesn't get any more sore that it already is. Maybe you shouldn't multi-task. I'm not very good at it either.

I loved your story and can totally relate! I once fell running on a flat surface in a straight line. Mind you this was during the post work rush hour on a running path in downtown Houston. Lots of people to see. I ended up sliding on the gravel trail until I hit the pavement. I guess I made quite a scene because the guy running behind me and a guy running the other way both rushed over to check on me and even offered to help me back to my car. I thanked them and ended up finishing my run bleeding from my knee, ankle, and arm. One of the guys was running in front of me and he kept turning around every minute or so to make sure I was still upright. It was pretty embarrassing. If nothing else, it makes a great story now. I even have scars to prove it. Glad you can laugh about your moments too!

I think *I* just pooped my pants reading this! You crack me up! I saw a girl fall off the treadmill at my gym once. I have to admit, I laughed first, hard. For one: she kept holding on letting the belt smack her repeatedly and then she sorta let it take her off to the ground. She was way more busted up then you too, bleeding and skinned alive. She rocked it right back on the thing, and I thought she was nuts! That was before I was a runner too, and before I myself fell while running outside and skinned myself and ran bloody kneed home. Runners are hardcore. Even the ones who jump on moving treadmills without a brainfart in the world ...

Okay.....you just made my mornining!! I'm glad you got your run in too. I would have probably got up and left...lol. I'm so glad that you were okay and just to let you know...just thinking of that image in my mind makes me giggle out loud=)