Wednesday, April 13, 2011

It would be a lie to say that traveling and living abroad hasn't changed me at all. Instead of walking around lost until my feet hurt, too embarrassed to ask for help, I now readily make inquiries – in a language I speak only bumblingly, no less. I chat up complete strangers just because they happen to be speaking Turkish in France, or English in Turkey. I like to think I have a broader perspective on world events and increased empathy, but know that working in a foreign culture has also forced me to develop a more stern and assertive side. My elbows have become sharper from fighting to get onto buses or hold a place in line. Desperate and otherwise-unsatisfied desires for tamales and Thai curry have turned me into a cook. Perhaps strangest of all, I've become a runner in a country a fellow American expat once dubbed "the land the YMCA forgot."

But.

There's always a “but,” isn't there? When I moved to Istanbul, I fantasized about making a fresh start, about trying something totally new, about shedding my responsible skin and becoming the heedless, adventurous kid I never really was. Instead, like a homing pigeon flying unerringly back to its coop, I've wound up with a desk job, a reputation for earnestness, the same bad habits, the same fear of flying, and all the same worries that I’m not doing enough with my life. I left many things 7,000 miles away, but for better or worse, I can't seem to run away from myself.

when i was a teenager, and also in my early 20s, i had a lot of friends who were dreaming to go abroad and live there. mainly USA, and Italy, and some other European countries. most of those guys hated the life they had here in Turkey and were hoping for a brighter one in where ever they choose to migrate.

i always found the idea non-realistic, believing that you can never run away from yourself. ok, i agree that life in Turkey might be far worse than western countires when it comes to modern life luxuries, but i never thought this would change the quality of the life you have. and it doesn't really matter where you are. you are always you, and you'll meet good people and bad people where ever you go.

so i guess your post somehow proves me right. but, since i never tried to live in another country, i always envied who had the courage to do that.