Political deadlock with August 2 deadline

In recent days, the Logan household has found itself in the middle of a fierce political standoff. Dr. Logan and his wife are moving into their new apartment on August 1st. They have already rid themselves of all their old furniture and will need to furnish the new place upon arrival. So far, Dr. Logan and his wife have agreed on a bed, a dresser and a living room set for the new apartment. But they have been unable to reach an agreement on a dining room table. In the past, the purchase of a dining room table would have been a routine, even perfunctory process in the Logan household. However, Mrs. Logan – whose parents are Marshall and Lacey Claremont – has taken this opportunity to demand that any new dining room table have seating for at least 10 people and must be rectangular in shape. Dr. Logan, on the other hand, believes that, in the interest of fairness, efficient utilization of space and given the constraints of the Logan household budget, the new table should be square and need not seat more than four people.

Analysts agree that a failure of both parties to reach an agreement by the August 2 deadline, the date that Dr. Logan is scheduled to host Marshall and Lacey Claremont for dinner, would be disastrous. Lacey Claremont, who has been following the standoff closely, had this to say, “I just don’t know what they’re thinking! Do they expect us to eat off the kitchen floor?” While it has been proposed that Dr. Logan simply take his wife and his in-laws out to dinner on August 2, it is widely believed that an inability to provide a home cooked meal would seriously damage his credibility with the Claremont family requiring him to buy more expensive Christmas and birthday gifts for the next 5 to 10 years and also to visit the Claremont’s in Alburqurque, NM more frequently than the previously stipulated once every 8 months. “It would amount to a giant tax hike on the Logan household,” Dr. Logan was heard saying the other day, “And neither Mrs. Logan nor I are willing to going to accept that.

But, unfortunately, Dr. Logan and his wife are no closer to a compromise than they were 3 weeks ago. At press time, Dr. Logan is believed to be out shopping for a round table which would expand to seat 6 people. Mrs. Logan dismissed this as political posturing saying, “If he thinks that particle board s@&! from Ikea is what we’re going to seat our guests around for the next 20 years, he can forget it!”