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As an act of mercy, the cast of this dreadful show will go unnamed here. Photo: Peter James Zielinski

“Prepare yourself for a modern classic,” says a soothsayer at the start of “The Sphinx Winx,” before adding: “Eat your heart out, Shakespeare.”

The Bard has nothing to worry about. Neither does “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum,” which this burlesque-style musical — about the romantic triangle between Cleopatra, Mark Antony and Julius Caesar — superficially resembles.

This lame-brained show is no “Forum,” and its opening number, “Prologue,” is definitely not “Comedy Tonight.”

A distinct aroma of flop sweat hovers over the proceedings, in which a six-member ensemble tries desperately to wring laughs from the witless book and lyrics, for which no fewer than four writers are — and I use the term loosely — credited.

Compared to this show’s endless 90 minutes, the nearly four hours of the notorious 1963 epic “Cleopatra” would probably go by in a flash.

Laden with contemporary references — we learn that “Davidus Petraeus is spending a fortune on the war in Mesopotamia,” and one of the characters bears a distinct resemblance to Sarah Palin — the show’s idea of lyrical wit includes this gem sung by Cleopatra to Caesar:

“Julie-poo, my Julie-poo/Thanks for all those silly gifts I got from you/But most suitors drape their ladies out in minks/And you have only offered me a sphinx.”

Amid double-entendres like “polishing your spear,” the music strains for its own laughs. The phrase “Frankly, my dear” is accompanied by the “Gone With the Wind” theme. And “Evita” inevitably follows Cleopatra’s “Don’t cry for me, blessed Egypt.”