How Was It for You? Burning Man Virgins Share Their Reflections

A few days after returning home from the playa for the first time, my friend Jen wrote a recap that was pure poetry. “For the last 20 years I have wanted to go to Burning Man, but never seemed to make it there,” she said. “I knew there would be elements that I would love (art! dancing! community!) but after many warnings about how hard it was, I remained open to *not* having a good experience. I went in with an open mind, even to Burning Man not being for me. But guess what? If you couldn’t tell, I loved it.” She went on to describe her time in BRC in profound and honest terms; it was almost as satisfying to read it as it was living it with her.

(Photo by JoAnn Latvaitis)

Inspired, we asked others in the community to share their first-time reflections with us. Forty people from around the world did just that: some writing full-on tales of adventure (to be published, perhaps, at another time), while others were more succinct in their impressions. Ninety-five percent of the entries were extremely positive; negative feedback focused things like camp commodification and other perceived violations of the 10 Principles. Common themes emerged in the responses, as you’ll see below, but within that each story is wholly its own.

Here are some poignant and illuminating excerpts from what you sent in:

Welcome Home — the Light Bulb Moment

“Burning Man was nothing and everything I expected it to be. I guess I thought it would be a bit more ‘organized,’ although considering what it is, it’s extremely organized! I would have been glad to have seen and experienced ‘more stuff’ but I guess part of the beauty of Burning Man is just going with the flow and allowing the universe to place you wherever you must be at any given time… Everything here is extraordinary, larger than life, like an awesome movie—super strange and weird but totally familiar and wonderful. At first, we were a little bit confused and unsure how to feel when people said ‘Welcome Home.’ Now, we understand. It really is like family here.”
— Xandra, San Diego

“It’s not everyday that a 60-year-old woman with seven kids can claim to be a virgin, but I got to wear that title for a whole week!… I was a part of something so big, so overwhelming, and so beautiful that I was speechless often. Coming onto the playa we were greeted with ‘Welcome Home.’ Burning Man taught me that just because my home growing up was crazy and scary, there can be a home where all are truly welcome and cherished for who they are and what they have to share with the world.”
—Elena Kelly, Chiang Mai, Thailand

(Photo by Gurpreet Chawla)

Love and Ambivalence for Playa Landmarks

“Let me start with my impression and the idea of the Man/maze in the center, the genius metaphor: the man being the reference point for BRC people to get around the playa reflects real human life: ‘Find the man (self) and you’d never be lost again.’ ‘Find the man, you’ll find home.’ Another metaphor is burning the meaningful art pieces like the Temple, the man and the lotus is a spiritual practice of learning how to let go, no attachments, the lesson of all lessons in this life is to let go.”
—Avi Mian, California

“I didn’t really relate that much to the Man. It still is a bit of quandary for me. The Temple—now that blew me away. That was more powerful than I could almost bear. My week was truly liberating and harsh; the environment is just that. I truly get the expression. I get I need no sound—the sound of the wind, sound of bikes, people whispering, laughing the sounds of that part of life… I need that. There was too much noise in the music; that pounding is not part of who I am. I wish there could be a space of people who like/need quiet. The only time [I could hear the universe] was when the Temple burned.”
—Janet Gale, Montana

A Time of Great Personal Growth

“I arrived on playa three days early to build Planetarium Aquarium, an art project I’d collaborated on for a few months with my camp leading up to the event. We worked through the nights, we rebuilt when the wind ripped our shelter to bits, and when the layers of dust made my marble run non-functional, I learned to celebrate the process more than the product. I surprised myself with my lack of disappointment, and felt like I’d grown immensely even before the event officially began.”
—Alamo Jack, San Francisco

“I experienced a year’s worth of personal growth in one week of Burning Man. A full spectrum of phantasmagorical emotion had me in a Möbius strip of what to do next. Lag between intention and manifestation was only noticeable after the act. This was like the improv I did in college but every second of the day where no one person was trying to steal the show. The veil on reality was finally lifted… and burned.”
—Chris, Florida

“I learned a lot about my old self. I did rely on and come to trust my own needs and desires, differently than how I act in the real world. I thought I was too old to experience anything new in myself and I was wrong. I was more open, more honest, more direct, more real. I am trying to bring these ways of being home. That is my challenge as I wash and de-dust and remember the activities and experiences I had such a short time ago.”
—Emily Dvorin, Northern California

“It Set Me Free”

“For me, Burning Man was not a life-changing event; it was a life-affirming event. Nine months before going, I started getting involved with the Burning Man community in SF, and that definitely changed my life. I started to learn how to accept and love myself, to know that whatever I thought, felt, and did was good by the nature of it being a part of me. I began to recognize the difference between myself and the person the world has expected me to be. I learned to be true to who I am, and to be real about that with others. True/Real has become my life mantra, and it has set me free.”
—Alamo Jack, San Francisco

“I made peace with my shadow and gave it permission to run free. Fuck, it is beautiful. Journeying into the dust with brothers and sisters, allowing the wind to guide my direction. I always found that I was in the right place at the right time. Being welcomed with open, loving arms, into a camp, an experience, an opportunity to let go, to be free.”
—Stewart Robertson, Melbourne, Australia

Playa tornado, 2006 (Photo by Bowen Johnson)

Damn Dust!

“The first day was picturesque with perfect weather and we foolishly assumed that was how the rest of the week would present itself. Day 2 began the dust bowl of 2015. Tethered to our camp, we didn’t venture, explore or experience as much as we hoped to, but our camp mates made things less frustrating by sharing stories, liquor and the main staple BACON. When we did brave the dust storm we encountered many a generous heart and hearty laughs. Mind blowing art and camps. One truly felt like Alice falling through the rabbit hole.”
—C.C. Curie, Lake Worth, Florida

“The playa taught me respect for my environment. After surviving the first 10-hour whiteout dust storm and after 10 days in this desert, I felt transformed or initiated into a new community of likeminded souls.”
—Lydia Arbizo, Hemet, California

“Did everything go perfectly? Well, as in life, hell no. The desert’s harsh conditions gleefully pulverized every item ‘made in China’ within minutes of trying to use it. We were woefully underprepared for the freezing nights. Our bike chains and locks clogged with dust. Our weatherproof camera and RV’s cabin lights stopped working on the second day, and our only generator and water pump failed on the third, all never to return. So we learned quickly how to improvise back-up systems, work with neighbors, and sometimes just do without.”
—Brent B, Medford Lakes, NJ

Interlude: A Poem

“And I never write poetry.”
—Amandroid, San Francisco

The mind is alterableIntense self consciousness becomes acute self awarenessCertain phrases and thoughts can’t always be contained by my own brainThe mind is alterableThe radical selfThere is only youIf the mind is alterableAnd the mind is the universeThe universe is infinitely dynamicHow you choose to expand your universe is only for you to decideThe mind is alterableDo not squander the mind, it is infinite power

(Photo by Michael Holden)

The Spectacle of It All

“Though veteran campmates advised me not to spoil the awe and wonder of my first time by going into open playa before Sunday, I had a different approach. I wanted to see the city start from nothing, and watch how everyone worked together to create BRC with their hands and hearts. So the first thing I did was ride around the Man, and I’ll never forget the excitement I had watching the Serpent Mother spew flames for the first time amid the cheers of her creators, or the nervous yelling and precarious movements of the Thunderdome being dropped delicately into place by a massive crane. Thoughts becoming things… this was the miracle I came to witness.”
—Alamo Jack, San Francisco

“It was geographically larger than I’d imagined, and despite the spectacle of the playa at night, much of what I experienced was kind of simple and immediate (playing the piano at Elliott’s Bike Repair; being on an ice run and a woman walks onto the road with a plate, “Would you like a grilled cheese sandwich?”) I loved the overall sense of humanity and disappearance of status, subculture, what have you. I don’t think it changed my life per se, but I do feel like it adjusted my mindset and outlook a bit; just more positive and inclusive overall. I also enjoyed the inherent challenges and problem solving we had to do.”
—St. James, North Hollywood

How Will I Describe This to the People at Home?!

“Walking around that first night, half of us were virgins and half were veteran Burners, and all the virgins kept spinning around every 10 seconds going, “Look at that! Look at THAT! How will I ever be able to describe this to people at home?!?!’ I have had a lot of fun discovering the answer to that question. How do I describe this to people at home? That, for me, is a whole other part of the Burn. Retelling the experience to friends and family has solidified the 10 Principles for me. Repeating and expanding on them has made me able to better identify them in my own life, and so allows me to live them more fully in the Default World… Burning Man made me stop and think. Burning Man made me realize that I promote too much aggression in the world. Burning Man told me it’s OK to stand up and say how you feel. Burning Man showed me who I could really be. Burning Man showed me a world I had always wanted to be in but had never known existed.”
—Gatsby, Vancouver

“Bunnies and naked pub crawls and Swedish saunas and zombie-mobiles and Phish-cover jams and drinking challenges and dance clubs and sunrises and awesome people with hard accents and a Promise Temple that makes you bawl and mutant busses with so many mounted speakers they look like giant steaks about to flip-over Fred Flintstone’s car and you’ve seriously gotta be kidding… Every second was so immediate and unpredictable we found it comically useless to mentally prepare for anything.”
—Brent B, Medford Lakes, NJ

Pledges for Next Time / Suggestion Box

“I forgot to stay hydrated, partied too much first night and ended up in medical with IV fluids. The medical staff was incredible! Learned my lesson and had a great week. Friday dust storm took its toll and didn’t see as much as we would like, but overall — great experience and will be back. Few caveats: more fluids; don’t party first night; pace myself to see more of the playa and wonderment.”
—CJ, Reno

“Next year I won’t be a darkwad. I will be somewhat (if truly possible) more prepared and definitely will be lit up like a Christmas tree on the playa.”
—Lydia Arbizo, Hemet, California

“We went as a couple in the smallest RV and not as a camp. According to folklore this is the best and only acceptable way to do it for virgins. Especially as we fit into the dreaded trio: middle age, virgin, overseas, I decided I wasn’t going to hide this and told everyone I met — because I’m punk like that. Coming from another continent is expensive but we’re not rich. It will be cheaper next time (there will be a next time). We had to buy so much that was essentially single use that we felt guilty but even so, the consumerist gorging at Walmarts in Reno was alarming.”
—Skoobz, United Kingdom

“With all of that sun, could solar power and electric vehicles be an even more sustainable experience? The combined carbon footprint of the vanishing village must be immense. Coming from Alaska, where climate change is evident daily, I stand for humans taking urgent and effective action on the climate crisis.”
—Kat Haber, Homer, Alaska

“My only complaint is that I think [some camps] blatantly commodified the experience. IMO there’s no place for that kind of profiteering at Burning Man, if the authenticity of the culture and event are to survive. My solution would revolve around auditing every camp that requires payment from their campers… with zero tolerance for profit (although perhaps some allowances need to be made).”
—Patrick, Australia

It Was Both Meh…

“Burning Man was less than I expected. I rarely, if ever saw the notion of radical inclusion practiced. I saw a lot of clique-like attitudes there. It is no different to me from what you guys call the default world. It is the default world. People didn’t seem to really celebrate creative self expression any more than anyone out in society do. I heard talk about Burning Man being dead. Perhaps it never really lived, except in my imagination.”
—Daniel, L.A.

(Photo by Scott London)

…and Magic

“The days or nights I rode into the playa on my own, were some of the most magical times of my life. I experienced the most beauty I have ever felt for myself. I remember the people, the raw deep connections and conversations.”
—Stewart Robertson, Melbourne, Australia

“It’s like everything is possible and everything’s there in Black Rock City. I felt like my real life was there and I had to return to a life I didn’t belong to anymore. So many interactions with people, with art, with myself and my senses. So much emotion coming up from everywhere. I could have stay there for a long long long time. Now I’m interacting a lot more openly with my environment and with the people. And I want to try a lot of new things.”
—Judez, France

“Fast, loving, windy, intimate, fresh, tender, cold, delicious, lovely, strong, fearless, freaky, dusty, colorful, bright, rough, sacred, sexy, funny, far, tired, kind, dark, forgiving, harsh, beautiful, hot…Mix it all in a blender and add a bicycle, lots of sun, groundbreaking music, large amounts of hugs and love. Shake well for 7 days, sip warm or chilled depending on your mood. Burning Man will fly you to the moon. This recipe will charm, tease, tickle, defy all your senses. You’ll see gorgeous stars shine and an amazing sunrise which will brighten up your day. They were right; you’ll never be the same again.”
—Miki D, Japan

Mia Quagliarello is a San Francisco-based 'Burning mom.' By day, she does curation, community and social media work at a startup; by night she's either working on her blog, Disco Nap, going out to see live music, or snuggling up with her two kids.

24 Comments on “How Was It for You? Burning Man Virgins Share Their Reflections”

Although overall there is an overwhelming sense of kindness and generosity of spirit, increasingly there is a lot of judgement, and a lot more nastiness than I would have expected. A lot of people walking around aggressively criticising others for not fitting in to their personal definitions of what a burner should be. I came back to my camp one day to find a group of passers-by shouting at some of my camp mates about “decommodification” because we hadn’t covered up the tiny logo on the side of the RV (we had covered up the front and back, and it was parked inside our camp). Really?

A friend in a different camp had a knee injury with a cast on her leg, having had surgery a month before. Rather than give up on her burn having already bought tickets, materials for the camp and putting in so much preparation, in the spirit of self reliance she decided to rent a Segway to help her get around for a few hours a day – it was very expensive but it was her first burn and she didn’t want to miss out on going with this group of friends. She decorated it beautifully to look like a horse. The level of abuse this poor girl had to endure over the week was shocking. In spite of her limp and her cast, multiple times a day she would have people calling her an asshole, or a lazy bitch, for riding around on a segway. One drunk middle aged woman came up to her, tried to slap her, and told her “I hate you, it is people like you that are ruining burning man”.

My friend had a medical reason for needing a segway, but even if she didn’t who cares? This place is supposed to be free of this kind of judgement, focus on yourself and don’t ruin other people’s experiences with such negativity.

When we arrived at the Playa I immediately felt an overwhelming sense of emotion, and I soon realized it wouldn’t be the last of those feelings while I was there.
Throughout the entire burn I was constantly going through a mix of emotions. I realized a lot about myself and others, some of which I liked and some not so much.
I was with veteran burners, and I found them to be more judgemental of other people rather than educational or empathetic. There was certain things I didn’t particularly like seeing, such as people wearing head-dresses, (I am a Cree woman and the war bonnet is sacred to my culture) but I didn’t feel it was necessary to become a political vigilante while I was there. There was so many beautiful and wonderful things to see that I didn’t bother warring with people who are simply just ignorant.
I loved that everyone I meant allowed themselves to be vulnerable. Hugs and raw emotions were not uncommon.
For myself, I found people reacted to what I put out. If I was open and wanting to connect people were there to do that. If I need solace, nobody bothered me.
I would definitely return, just maybe with a different camp.

I’m really sorry that you experienced that. It was my first time and some of the veteran burners I was with were judgmental to other people as well. That being a “proper burner” was a protocol they only knew. It was tiring and annoying at the best of times. I hope you and your friend still had a good time!

I’m sorry to read about your camp mates being yelled at about RV logos. I’m afraid what started out as well intentioned means to avoid commercialization has spawned groups of decommodification bigots. Vehicle logos are everywhere out there and the vast majorities are not covered-up. I think we need to give people a break about covering-up logos. Are exposed logos really all that important or isn’t it more important we see fellow burners for who they are and what they do?

I always say: “Nothing says douche like a Segway…” But I do give credit if it is decorated. For somebody like her who really needed it, it was too bad she had that experience with it… As for the “drunk middle aged woman”, SHE is the type ruining Burning Man…
Now I am thinking about getting a Segway… Maybe even paint it gold, now that may get a few rowed up…

In my first and still last visite to NorthAmerica in 2008 I lived (in the purest sense life can be, deep emotional, beautiful and free) the American Dream as a BurningMan Virgin. I was blessed to experienced it with all my senses and emotions with a circle of long time Burners. Day and Night, Light and Dark and my inner self changed like I never Dreamd before and that with nearly no sleep. The whole 7 days were like a never ending colorful, beautiful, emotional adventure in a dreamland where everything ist possible and through that you learn, everything is possible, only you set up those limitations in your mind or by others around you. BurningMan or no BurningMan – live your life to the fullest!

It was more like a cycling holiday for me. I felt quite isolated and alone, I suppose it might have been my unsocial habits.2 I did have fun though, but it was no transformative experience. I saw some good music, rode on a couple of art cars, drank loads of water. I had done my reading and I suppose I stayed healthy but, I don’t know, I was somehow bored? Is that even allowed? I was quite alone. I went with Green tortoise who provided food and water, which was invaluable seeing as I was coming from overseas, though I do wish I’d teamed up with a small group of people to do it. I need a kind of default family around me and they were a massive group (of amazing people) but I’m not good in large crowds (I did not enjoy college for this reason) The art work was fantastic though, it made me contemplate lots of ideas, the art was an utter overdose- shiny things at night, they never ended, the place is so huge. Also, I spent the majority of it sober- I think this might have been my other mistake.

When I look back at my pictures I don’t regret it so much as I remember what I was doing and thinking at the time, but I just didn’t have the energy to stay up and party and meet lots of people. I’m someone who likes to wander round festivals on my own- seeing band after band, never missing the thing that I love, but it didn’t work at burning man at all. I was very alone. I suppose it’s taught me the valuable lesson that people are what make these things beautiful. You can be at the most brilliant party in the world and unless you make an effort to connect with some of those around you, you can still feel alone, isolated in your own bubble of ME and what I WANT to do.

Yes I will still go again, and be much more focussed on those around me. I intend to appreciate my fellow human being properly, and focus a lot less on commodifying the damn experience. Be with people rather than just in the proximity… be more friendly, get involved in more things. I need a few partners in crime, I will recruit long before next time.

Oh, it was my tenth year and it has evolved. I also like the alone tImes but we are social people….it’s fun to dive in head first.. Hey you’ll never see um again. Hahaha. While I love my camp mates… some (20years) drive me nuts with…its not what it use to be. REALLY! Let’s play next year. Blessings Bella

I tried looking up the Green Tortoise camp, but couldn’t find them in any of the databases on or off playa. Guess they don’t want to be found! I’ve taken a few non-BM trips with them so wanted to check out their camp and say hi. I considered going with them before moving to California, but the excursion price didn’t seem worth it to me, since I’m fairly self-reliant. Most of my days started with drinking a beer and serving drinks at our camp bar, so my social lube was going pretty good by midday.

I at first felt the same as you since I came to this alone. It was my first time. I tend to be very shy around people in public. My first night I walked or biked around and watched everything. I went from one place to another watching people grooving to the DJ’s music. I watched people play with things and get into group activities. I went back a couple of nights later and got into the crowd that was dancing to the music. I felt a little silly at first, especially since I’m 61 years old and I was sure the young people were laughing at me. Luckily the place I was at served drinks so after a couple I calmed down and got it. Nobody was laughing and everybody was having fun. It was wonderful. The next day I walked all over the place and rather than just looking at the camps, made myself go in and participate whether it was just having a drink or playing a game. I did it all day long. If you go again I hope you will challenge yourself like I did. My time there was magical and I absolutely am going again next year.

First time – WOW! Went to the Artumnal last year. That’s when I got Burning Man and wanted to participate. WE went this year and it met my expectations. A pop-up city of 70K people, who are there to see art, to make art, to do art and to burn art.

We sat on the playa for 6 hours Sat due to white outs. No problem. Everyone just walked around and made new friends. The rental SUV got dusted, but that’s what a car wash is for. Our bikes went to Cuba, without us. =!8^(

Watching the city unfold with new treats popping up hourly was cool. The art cars, just jump and and get off somewhere, anywhere. It’ll all be new.

I didn’t wear shoes or flip-flops the whole time. I walked out on the playa one day in my new white silk PJ’s, to stay cool and reflect the sun. 27 miles latter, according to my fitbit, I walked back into camp. Refreshed.

Is this for everyone? An emphatic; NO!

A major shout-out to the crews keeping the event going, whether set-up or clean-up.

C U next year. Come on by and hopefully listen in to the ISS, or look at a planet, or talk to someone on the other side of the world. Without the inet. lol

“Lieutenant Sulu, incoming wonderfulness. Lower all shields!” That was Burningman for me, and my biggest challenge – to lower my shields that I protect myself with in the outside world. They’d been up so long, I didn’t realize they were there, and so big. What a relief it was to lay them down. And what incoming wonderfulness there was!

Beautiful comment. That’s exactly the way it is; those shields you are not even aware you have come down at some point – it might take a while. But when they do you see the universe for the first time. Wow!!!

8 times burner here – it’s different every time; I loved it every time, even those times where it was raining or dusty like this year.

The desert will provide. It will give you what you need, this particular time, this particular moment of you. You’re different when you get there, and you’re different again when you leave.

This year I did not find myself floating truly in the moment until the very last day, Sunday. But that day seemed to last forever, with more adventures, conversations, truth moments than I had all year. One day. That is all it takes. If you are awake to the experience everything is completely perfect at all times. It’s impossible to imagine beforehand. But this is why I come.

I’ve been a burner my whole life, and have lived by that basic philosophy…. but it isn’t very advantageous in the ‘real’ world; quite the opposite, the general mob hates you for being an independent spirit and not compromising. Not only will they hate you for it, they’ll go so far as to kick the living shit out of you if you aren’t conscious and wary of this distain. But because it’s instinctive to seek at least some small amount of acceptance for social beings like ourselves, I learned to disguise the fact I’m of this nature. Being there on the playa was the first time I ever really felt much of a sense of community outside of the art/music world or when I was in the wilderness. It is not so easy to discard the mask I’ve worn to protect myself from an unimaginative society. I wish I’d had a better sense of how unguarded I could be prior to going there for the first time. I only hope I and get back some day and feel the liberation of spirit that has been suppressed into submission my entire life.

I can totally remember that virgin year and conviction that I’m on my own in this city and no one wants to really have anything to do with me. But the thing is, people do. Most are very open to meet new faces, interact, learn the stories and welcome all of you guys. But don’t expect to be dragged in to the camp like you would be to a car dealership or a peddler stand at the mall. No one is selling anything but also noone treats you like a moneybag. Come in, introduce yourself and just talk. I can guarantee you that you will be welcomed. Also keep in mind that anything is allowed. You don’t need permission to enter anyone’s camp or climb their tower or bounce off a trampoline or park in a shade structure. Be bold and explore.
Also. Scoobz from UK. If you need a home base in us for next year, hit me up. I like your attitude.

I am shocked and relieved to hear camps are friendly! I went to the Decompression festival, my friends and I have never been to BM. We walked onto a camps ramp up to their front door and a guy yelled on a loud speaker to get off their property! I immediately thought this is not how Burning Man should be. I didn’t let it ruin my experience but it was definitely a turn off. I just want the best experience I can have when I go…

I love the idea of Burning Man as you fuckers portray it in your propaganda. I found that the reality of it falls short of the ideal because many people don’t really subscribe to the idea. As it has become more popular over the years, many people went because they are trend followers, as most people are. They bring their own default world attitudes to the Playa and change the dynamic of Burning Man from what it was originally envisioned by the people who created it.

You goddamn fools who think that you are going to change the world by influencing people who come to the festival by having them change the world in their own small area of influence are full of shit. Burning Man is being changed by the default world by people who come and bring their default attitudes to the Playa.

The original Burning Man is dead, if it ever really exited at all. The Idea will never die as long as people who embrace it continue to live. It can be recreated, or created, if it never really existed in the first place.

It is the people who make it what it is. It is how they think, how they act, how they treat other people, that makes the magic of the mythology of Burning real. As long as people bring their default world attitudes to the Playa, the vision will not be realized.

Waaaa. Glad I didn’t run into you, Cap’n Buzzkill, you’re a barrel of laughs.

But please keep speaking as though every attendee is part of some dark monolithic entity conspiring to ruin BM – that works well – and find fault in folks bringing their mindsets from the default world….ya know, the only world they knew before arriving. If only everyone gauged every personal experience by how much it saved the world, like you do.

I hate to say this..well not really..but I think the Burning Man experience isn’t the reason your time there was so miserable. I think you’re the reason. Those founders you’re angry with didn’t do anything wrong and the people who didn’t have the attitude you think they should have didn’t do anything wrong..but I think you may have. I think you should most definitely not go again which is a shame because it could do wonders for you but I don’t think you’re open to it.