Re-Awakened

March 11, 2011|By Norm Byers Saturday Columnist

Are you successful?

Of course, this topic is a very relative conversation because we all have different takes on what one should strive for in life.

For example, for some, success is based on making a certain yearly income, driving a desirable make and model of car, or living in a particular area and style of home. For others, success may be based on the level of education they have obtained, whether they are fit and trim, or by the babe (or hunk!) that is on their arm for the next party.

I understand this success language as well.

Certain questions that I am asked, such as, "So how many attend your church?" or "Is your church growing?" or "What is your building like?" are all attempts to understand my accomplishments and therefore analyze if I am successful.

But what is true success? What is a fulfilling accomplishment that lasts?

It is easy to get on the hamster wheel of what everyone else thinks is important. In the same vein of thinking, Jesus once said as recorded in Mark 8:36, "What good is it for a man to gain the whole world and yet lose his soul."

In this passage in Mark, Jesus is specifically talking about missing and or ignoring the fingerprints of God in our world as we chase after other opportunities to fill our void. If we are not tuned in, we can replace what is ultimate and lasting for what is secondary and temporal. What are you chasing after and at what expense?

A few months back, good friends Eugene and Allison Wang of Petoskey invited my wife, Brenda, and me along with several others to a marriage retreat called "Weekend to Remember." The event took place in Grand Rapids this past weekend with more than 400 other couples that decided to invest some time in their marital relationship. The event is put on by an organization called Family Life Today, and we had a great time enjoying each other and focusing on our marriage. I highly recommend it.

I came away re-awakened to the grid of true success. Success that is long lasting has to do with healthiness in your key relationships.

First and foremost is your relationship with God. But also, as a husband, my relationship with Brenda is paramount. Your key relationship(s) may vary, but I believe the greatest indicator of how successfully you will have lived your life will be based on the intimacy of your closest relationships.

If you are like me, you may need a little coaching on how to grow closer with your spouse, children or others. God is the great relationship coach, and if we apply his truth to relationships, we will have the opportunity to enjoy thriving relationships with our spouses, children and friends.

I want to share with you three habits of a thriving marriage that were conveyed to me through the above-mentioned retreat. While these three habits were specifically given in the context of building marriages, they can be applied to any relationship.

Habit 1: Extravagant love. When we love someone extravagantly, we reflect the love of God. God loves us extravagantly by extending to us favor we do not deserve. Extravagance sounds like spending a bunch of money but it has more to do with loving in an extraordinary manner -- for example, placing your spouse's needs above your own. It is not always touchy-feely love, but a choice to love. I urge you to take the challenge of extravagantly loving those closest to you.

Habit 2: Generous forgiveness. In Colossians 3:13 we read, "As the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive." In the context of relationships, there are many things that can pull us into bitterness and resentment. These negative emotions, if not forgiven, will fill our marriages and other relationships and leave a sour taste in our mouths. Generous forgiveness begins with humility. Generous forgiveness is offered and applied freely and expressed graciously.

Habit 3: Enthusiastic encouragement.

I Thessalonians 5:11 reads, "Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up." This type of activity motivates those closest to you to grow and develop. In enthusiastic encouragement, openly affirm your spouse, avoid critical words and maintain a positive attitude even in hard times.

In our world it is easy to look for opportunities that enhance our lives and yet cost us nothing. I believe true success will bring incredible enhancement to our lives but at a cost -- the cost of our self-centered lives. This is the way of Jesus.

How about you? Are you interested in real success?

I urge you to call out to God and move toward a life of surrender to him through Jesus.

Just imagine what would happen if you were awakened to a higher level of success, the kind of success that values relationships in word and deed.

Your life would be enhanced and you would benefit from the legacy of a wise investment.

Norm Byers is the lead pastor of Genesis Church, which meets 9:30 a.m. Sundays at the Petoskey Cinema and 11 a.m. Sundays at Boyne City elementary. For more information, visit www.genesiswired.com.