by Nina Roesner

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Has the D-Word Entered Your Mind?

I spent the first seven years of my marriage jockeying for position. I thought I should be in charge, and just like those before me, I found marriage pathetically lacking and unrewarding. Disappointed, I wondered why.

I had it all – nice house (we’d upsized already), fabulous part-time career, awesome social network, sweet little boy, handsome husband, nice cars, great vacations – physically and economically more than comfortable… and then I began to experience discontent. What I didn’t realize at the time (because it’s impossible to see when you are in it) was exactly how completely foolish I was.

By the way, that’s not really our house. I didn’t have a digital camera at the time.

Gosh, that’s a long time ago! J

Anyway, I had bought the lies of this world that tell me what was important…bought them hook, line, and sinker.

One of the women closest to me at the time encouraged me to have an affair to spice things up.

Thankfully, I didn’t take that advice.

Thank God for His patience – He never gave up on me. When I read Proverbs 3 today, I remembered that time before digital cameras where I was “wise in my own eyes,” AKA, “believing the ways of the world.” He loved me enough to not leave me this way, and now I’ve traded my loneliness, emptiness, self-centeredness, and hedonistic tendencies to acquire more for love, joy, comfort, and peace. Seriously, it works backwards – when we try to keep our wills (control) and lives, we lose them to suffering, when we lay them down for His glory, the blessings are amazing and immense! His ways are not our ways.

And what befell me was not uncommon to man (or woman) – I married, expected to be “happy,” and ended up disillusioned. If one buys the lies of this culture, and doesn’t realize that our marriages are not about us, but about God’s glory, then we expect to receive from our efforts (and immediately, I might add). We bow to the throne of hedonism and self, instead of recognizing that this life is about His glory, not ours.

Check the magazine racks at the grocery check-out counter – the culture (enemy) wants us to kneel to the mirror. Turn on the TV – the culture wants us to worship ourselves, often at the expense of others (think sitcoms, dramas, etc.). “You deserve a break today…” Don’t get me started on commercials. Reason #408 why we don’t watch TV with commercials. Actually, I don’t watch much TV at all. When I do, it’s to understand what my non-Christian friends are dealing with. I can’t watch much, though, because I find myself being influenced by it.

I’m no different than anyone else – I’m influenced by what I feed my brain and my body. If there’s more of this culture going into my head than Truth, I’m a short trek away from serious trouble.

And don’t you think “that other guy” knows that?

A friend of mine told me after she had overcome bulimia that her bout with the disease revealed something to her. “One evening, as I began ‘the ritual,’ I realized that the toilet I bowed to represented myself – what I really thought of myself, willing to nearly kill myself in such a disturbing way, to live up to an idol of an image of what the culture told me I should be, instead of who God said I already was.” She stopped, wept with the realization of how many lies she’d believed, left the bathroom and pursued His Truth. She’s been different ever since. And yes, no more worshipping the porcelain idol representing the culture’s view of “beautiful” through bulimia.

Thinking about divorce or separating? Please think again… and know that you are being influenced by the enemy, manifested in this culture.

Please also pray for this sweet woman whose words follow, and think deeply upon them. But for the grace of God go we for our own children, folks. Unfortunately, I remember times when I have thought this way, felt many of the same things. I took this excerpt after reading her blog from our discussion here yesterday…

“After a life lived in Christian morality, my parents’ separation my senior year of high school threw me into a tailspin. That foundation ripped out from under me so fast I didn’t know which direction to turn to first, I just knew it would be to destroy my reputation as a good girl because it had been built on lies. So I did every bad thing I could get my hands on.”

Dare you today to leave foolishness behind you, and make decisions based upon His Truth, and thus help your kids in the process.

They’re watching.

And persevere – God’s Truth is always God’s Truth. We just sometimes lack the ability to SEE it. I wrote The Respect Dare to help women begin to see it – yes, I said, “begin.” I’m still on the journey myself. J Read the link above and see what He might have to say to you today!

Double dog dare you to comment, share, or “subscribe” via email and join us on this journey. It’s a tough, long, rocky road, but there are many blessings along the way.

5 thoughts on “Has the D-Word Entered Your Mind?”

Sarah, Remember, God does not like divorce. It is the enemy that is messing with your husband. And also remember, you husband isn’t the enemy…Satin is. Keep praying and let God do the work. I have been through this same rough spot and by the Grace of our God, am still very married…and now even happier then before.

Sarah –
Oh, sweetie, so very sorry you are going through this! How awful and discouraging! We are praying for you.
RUN to the library or bookstore and get a copy of Michelle Weiner-Davis’s “Divorce Busters” or her “Divorce Remedy” book – whichever. It’s saved a ton of marriages from divorce that we’re aware of…We will pray for you, for patience, perseverence, for healing, and for God’s glory to be seen. Do some searching in the Word about marriage and divorce, and you’ll get God’s thoughts on the matter – old and new testament. Know that it will be tough, but you are NOT alone. He is strengthening your faith through this trial – you might find some Truth here, too. Please feel free to contact us with prayer requests through our ministry website: http://www.GreaterImpact.org – you can reach the prayer team through the “Interact” tab. 🙂 Love to you, precious woman. Take these days to let him instigate, be sweet, read, pray, be a good listener, try to be his friend. We join you in prayer. You are not alone.

So thankful for your post today. My husband wants a divorce now and it seems nothing I can do to change his mind. I’ve made many mistakes in our short 2 year marriage and he says it’s not what he wants anymore. I’ve been praying for God’s will to be done but I’m struggling with faith because I want to stay in my marriage and I’m not sure that’s God’s will. I do believe everything happens for a reason and God oversees all. I have to deal with many issues now and I need my husband to stand with me but he’s so cold to me now. I feel like I can’t deal with everything that’s going to be coming up alone. I know I have God but I feel so alone. Please pray for us to be healed.

I know exactly how you feel. My husband and I went through a separation after less than 2.5 years of marriage and divorce was beginning to become quite a harsh reality. When he left (for another woman) when our son was 4 months old, my world around me came crashing down and I didn’t know what to do. I immediately wanted to know what God expected of me in my situation. I knew things had to change but I had no clue where to begin. A friend of mine gave me a book (Love & Respect) to read, and I can honestly say that book changed my life and my marriage. After 6 long months, my husband and I got back together and things are much better. I never thought that after experiencing what we’ve gone through that we could ever be so happy again but God renewed our marriage and healed our pain. Hang in there and grow in your relationship with God and he will take care you and your marriage. The hardest thing for me to accept is that things will happen according to God’s clock and the best thing to do is get out of His way. Good luck and God bless!