Dating : What a Woman Wants from a Man When She Doesn’t Need Him

Self-actualized, wholehearted, independent women who don’t need a man for marriage or children can be a hell of a lot of fun once those who wish to date and partner with us learn this:

Your independence is sexy as hell. We want you to have a full and satisfying life, just as we do. That doesn’t mean you need to have every night of the week booked, go on wild adventures to foreign countries, or ascend mountain peaks. Your idea of independence may look like quiet nights at home, long afternoons with a good book, cooking a delicious meal for one, getting lost in your favorite music, or hanging out with your friends. The point is, you have passions and you pursue them, which is an important part of knowing how to take care of yourself. You also can manage your own career, finances, relationships, and home, and you aren’t looking for a woman to come in and fix any of these areas of your life. We don’t want to be the center of your life; we want the center of your life to be your personal growth and well being so that you can meet us where we’re at to share in the highs and lows, together.

Your mind is a wonderland we long to get lost in. We want you to have spent time cultivating your intellect and worldview and to be on the path to knowing yourself. This doesn’t mean you need a laundry list of college degrees, or even one for that matter. There are many ways to get an education. Nor do you need to have unpacked every nook and cranny of your psyche or analyzed your entire life experience. The point is to have pursued the development of your mind and to have a genuine interest and curiosity in the world at large and in who you are and how you came to be. If you’ve allowed your curiosity to lead you, then you’ll have rich life experiences and wisdom to share and we’ll want to hear all about it.

You’re unapologetically masculine. Masculinity can be expressed in many ways. Whatever your unique expression is, embrace it. If you’re lumberjack masculine, be all in. If you’re metro sexual, go for it. It’s not about how you express your masculinity, but that you know yourself well enough to understand what masculinity means to you and are able to stand in that truth. If you’re the type of man who is rough around the edges, be that. Let us know that’s who you are. Confidence is sexy. Embrace what being a man means to you and let us take it in.

You know your own worth and power. Again, confidence is sexy. It’s also so much more than an appealing quality. Knowing your own worth and power means that you won’t look to the woman in your life to make you feel worthy or powerful. Hopefully, you already know that you are of value just as you are and that your innate worth and power doesn’t come at the bequest or expense of anyone else. You don’t need to dominate, intimidate, control, or patronize other people in order to feel your worth and power because you know that both come from within.

You know your way around a woman’s body. You don’t necessarily need to have a lot of hands on experience to understand a woman’s sexual response, but experience does help. So does feeling confident in your own desirability and a willingness to listen and to learn. There are an increasing number of resources that accurately explain female anatomy and arousal, which is more nuanced and complex that male anatomy and arousal and, for this reason and a few others, is a topic worth studying for anyone interested in sex with a woman. This goes for all genders. Either you’re a person who wants to have sex with a woman or you’re a woman who wants to experience sexual pleasure. These two categories cover nearly everyone. Even if you have a lot of experience with phenomenal sex, what if it could be even better? The best book I’ve read on the topic is Vagina: A New Biography by Naomi Wolf, which offers a complete physiological explanation and cultural history of the human body part that is both portal of new life and center for endless sexual pleasure. Anyone who has a vagina, or has any interest in getting near a vagina, should read this book.

You’re strong enough to be vulnerable. It takes incredible courage to be vulnerable and reveal our soft and tender heart, and not just once during a deep conversation. Living an authentic life asks us to regularly be vulnerable by allowing those close to us into our hearts and minds and sharing both what frightens us and what brings us joy. This isn’t a request for you to reveal every tender corner of your heart, or a demand that you spill your guts. Share what feels right for you. We want to know your heart, but we’re also aware that you’ve been conditioned to hide any perceived weakness and to mask your emotions. Knowing how difficult it can be for a man to reveal his true feelings makes seeing a man in his vulnerability a rare and beautiful honor. If you’ll allow us, we’d like to be your witness and help you heal the wounds of toxic masculinity.

You know that equality is the tide that lifts all ships. Here we are in 2020, and women continue to fight for equal pay, and we’ve yet to ratify the Equal Rights Amendment. We haven’t achieved gender equity and a giant spotlight has revealed what many of us have long known: racism is alive and well. We have work to do, and there’s nothing sexier than a man who gets this, especially if he’s a man who has benefited from the dominance of white male patriarchy. Why? Because it means he can step outside of himself, empathize with other people’s experiences, and then take action to support correcting injustices that don’t directly impact him. He knows that in order for any one of us to be equal, we all must be equal, and this is an awareness born of compassion, empathy, and intelligence.

Now, my dear man, if this seems like a tall order and you’re feeling annoyed or overwhelmed by it, let me point out that your greater good is at the center of each of these needs. They aren’t about what you can do for a woman, but about what you can do for yourself that will cultivate qualities that make you the kind of person that a woman wants in her life not out of need, but because your presence is a gift.