PAGES

the boy :: isaac

the baby :: ezra

A Mighty Refuge

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Friday passed way too quickly. It seemed the hours just flew by and suddenly, I was packing my things and preparing to leave work. I couldn't believe that I was actually going through with my plans. Leaving Ezra, Isaac and Tony for 2 days.

I stopped at my Mom's before I went home and nursed him one last time and smother both my boys in kisses. I lingered entirely too long and was just walking up to the house when Missy pulled into the driveway. I hadn't packed yet, so it was a mad scramble. Thankfully I didn't forget anything and didn't keep her waiting long.

We hit the road just in time and managed to get to Stewartsville just before our 8:00pm session was to begin. We grabbed our Bibles and I resisted the urge to hide behind my camera, which I so often do when I feel out of place.

We've attended our church for almost three years now and I was completely taken aback by how many women went to the retreat that I did not know! There were 65 who registered, but 55 was our final count. I couldn't believe it!

The content for the weekend was "Who am I?" and we went through exercises of "Who do others say I am?," "Who do I say I am?" and "Who does God say I am?" To be perfectly honest, a women's retreat like this is not my cup of tea. As a reminder, this blog is about as reflective as I get, so to take a huge time out to spend time speaking with women I don't know about my emotions, self talk, esteem and relationship with God isn't something I love to run out and do.

But it was so needed.

There's an old saying in Christian circles that if God feels distant, guess who moved? And the obvious answer is you. That's where I've been at. I'm living a good life, with healthy family members, employed and well, my prayer life has been lacking. Where I really connect and find God is through praise and worship, and I just haven't. It's just not there. It's honestly been months since I've truly felt God's presence and the most important part of the retreat was that I drew close to Him.

Additionally, I got to spend some much needed quality time with two of my girlfriends, who thankfully got along really well! It just so happened that we got to be roomies too. I can't tell you how often I forgot to pump, because we just really enjoyed ourselves. Saturday, after our morning session, we all kind of peeled off to do various activities and many opted for naps, like Missy and Rachel. Myself though, I got to take a hot shower, without interruption, for as loooooong as I wanted. I then got to actually take more than 5 minutes putting makeup on and completely drying my hair without a single "MAMA!" or cry to be heard. And then I got to facetime my boys.

I don't know what I would have done without facetime [or for all of you non iphone users, there is a free app that doesn't require wi-fi called Tango that works on droids and iphones and is just like facetime!], because I missed them so incredibly much. It didn't help that there was a 4 month old that came to the retreat, so every time I saw her it made my arms feel empty for want of Ezra.

All in all though, I felt proud when I came home that I was able to draw a line in the sand and dedicate time to God. It was a fantastic weekend and I'm so glad I was able to go!

Of course, it wouldn't have been possible without Tony and my Mom's help. Tony took care of Ezra overnight, both nights and while he had to cuddle in bed with him, Ezra slept through the night for Tony both nights! Isaac in turn had a blast spending the night at my Grandma's and got to sleep on the floor in the living room using his John Deere sleeping bag.

We just need to work on Ezra's sleep and then I'll be totally jazzed for Tony and I's get away planned in late April!

10 comments:

What a wonderful weekend! :) I just finalized plans to go to the Hearts at Home Conference in March- it's in a town about 40 miles away and my mom offered to come spend the whole day there so that I can nurse K when needed and enjoy the conference like I did last year. It is SO important. As wives and mothers, we need those time outs for ourselves as hard as it is.