I've gotten into the habit of stopping in my down time and reminding myself that "this moment is everything for me." If I meditate on this, I almost start to feel the way I did when I was a kid - that is, I feel a bit more lucid. The idea of this is to undo my habit of dissociating, or going through the motions of life without really "being there".

In this attempt at a journey back to lucidity, I've come across moments in which everything seems to come from nothing. Of course, I'm not referring to the external everything, the "outside world"; rather, I'm talking about the whole of my experience: my senses, my thoughts, and my emotions.

This has not come without some coaching. I frequently listen to philosophical discourse, particularly that of Alan Watts. In one of his lectures, he notes that, when you close your eyes, the sound you hear seems to have no reason for arrising in the way it does - it literally seems to come out of nothing. This is the exact phenomenon I'm referring to, and it applies to each of the facets of experience I've mentioned above.

Now, I have felt this with such clarity that it has scared me. My field of vision seemed to be like two screens in the middle of nothing, and I saw no reason whatsoever for the sounds I was hearing to arrise - experience suddenly seemed so strange and arbitrary. I'm not trying to imply that these things do in fact come from nothing, but they certainly appear to, and I cannot say with any conviction that they don't.

Listen to the lecture. If you like this kind of thing, it should prove interesting.

I'll be the one to protect you from
Your enemies and all your demons.
I'll be the one to protect you from
A will to survive and a voice of reason.
I'll be the one to protect you from
Your enemies and your choices, son.