Massachusetts Has the Smartest Kids in the Country

The mighty Bay State, home of the fightin' Red Sox and gay divorces, has the smartest, and thus best, kids in the nation. According to standardized test scores at least. And we all know those are always completely reliable!

Basically, the Daily Beast looked at recent fourth and eighth grade standardized test scores across the nation and determined, through a few bits of math that I can't really explain well despite my superior Massachusetts education, that like many times before, Red Sox Nation beat all. And you know who is worst again? Sigh, Mississippi. Here's the comparison between the best and the worst:

Massachusetts

4th grade students at or above the advanced level, Math: 12 percent
Number of states that performed better, at a statistically significant level: 0
8th grade students at or above the advanced level, Math: 17 percent
Number of states that performed better, at a statistically significant level: 0
4th grade students at or above the advanced level, Reading: 13 percent
Number of states that performed better, at a statistically significant level: 0
8th grade students at or above the advanced level, Reading: 5 percent
Number of states that performed better, at a statistically significant level: 0
Average number of states that performed better than Massachusetts, per test: 0

Mississippi

4th grade students at or above the advanced level, Math: 2 percent
Number of states that performed better, at a statistically significant level: 47
8th grade students at or above the advanced level, Math: 2 percent
Number of states that performed better, at a statistically significant level: 48
4th grade students at or above the advanced level, Reading: 4 percent
Number of states that performed better, at a statistically significant level: 35
8th grade students at or above the advanced level, Reading: 1 percent
Number of states that performed better, at a statistically significant level: 46
Average number of states that performed better than Mississippi, per test: 44

So there you have it! Massachusetts is unrivaled in everything, ever. If you're curious about your dunce cap-wearing home state, the full list is here.