I dont know my boyfriends mom that well. But what I do know..scares me. I've seen her a few times. She doesn't come off as a pleasant person..looks like it hurts for her to smile.

Anyways...

Rewinding back... Me and my bf had been together 6 months.

He never said much about his mom or dad...which was odd to me because I'm always talking about my family and he seems like he's family oriented too..

So I started to wonder what he was hiding.

One day he was taking me to my job and we see his mom at the store. She asks for a ride and he gives her a ride but he's so nasty and rude to her in my head I'm thinking omg did I somehow slip up again and get into another abusive relationship because based on my experiences abusive men are terrible to their mothers.

And to top things off he when he drops her off..he looks at me and says.."that's how you treat people like that"

Then I really freak out but I end up letting it go because time passed..he's never treated me like that he doesn't even cuss at me when we argue never laid a hand on me..

More time passes I'm starting to see that he has this nice-nasty relationship with his mom.

Months past he slowly starts to open up a little about how his mom never showed him any love or affection..she never told him she loved him. He's almost in tears. We held each other for awhile and I felt really bad for him but it still didn't hit me how bad their relationship was.

Fast forward two weeks ago..we get into a bad argument..he tells me that he doesn't want to move in with me...we should raise the kids in separate houses..

I was so upset..we've been together for a year and a half..been talking about moving in, getting married and now I'm pregnant. Fk no. I break up with him.

He was so upset asked me why..I told him if we have no future I'm not wasting my time.

I was so upset I needed some one to confide in. I called his grandma...she ask if she could butt in and investigate cuz he seemed so excited about us.

Well a few hours later hes asking me to give us another chance..he told me he's been scared of moving in with women cuz when he was 8 his mom got mad at him and kicked him out of the house and called the cops on him. He always felt she was bi polar..

I forgave him and were back together again.

Later that night. I was on the phone with his nana for hours and she told me how his mom destroyed his self esteem as a child..pretty much ruined the relationship with him and his father because she would always get the cops involved and fabricate stories about his dad trying to kidnap him or crying wolf about being abused.

My bf..He was abused verbally as a child I feel like thats worse than physical cuz I've been through that too and bruises heal but verbal abuse can damage you for ever..

I'm proud of him for growing up to be such a loving, caring man.

Anyway he's been telling me how excited his mom is about the baby and I'm extremely uncomfortable with this woman..

Like I said..I don't know her personally..my s/o seems like he wants to have a good relationship with her but scared to get close to her..

I don't know how to talk to him about it...its a touchy subject. He still barely mentions her..

Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Idk what to do..I kinda feel like the bad guy but I don't want to put my child in any danger..

Am I judging wrong?

Ladies/Gents how would you approach your s/o if they were abused as a child and certain life situations you get into causes problems because they can't get over their past

Replies: Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Mar 12 2014 at 6:17pm

Hope this makes some kind of sense..normally I'm excellent at writing but for some reason this was difficult for me to put into words..

Don't hate on my dots....I love em:-P

Posted By: missdeeluxe
Date Posted: Mar 12 2014 at 6:38pm

Well it sounds like he had an exceptionally rough childhood.

And that, to me, comes across as the reason that he's keeping his family from you.

I had an ex like that, who had a crazy mother, and he kept her away from me for a very long time.

I think because he was afraid it would freak me out and send me running.

I'd give him time.

Be there for him, make it clear he can always come to you to talk about it when he's ready, and maybe eventually you can try and have a relationship with her.

If he's been nothing but good to you as a man and daddy to be, judge him on that.

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Mar 12 2014 at 7:06pm

Your right there was a time where his mom invited me in her house and he rushed us away..

And I was like ...um okay...

I wouldn't freak out everybody got that one special person in their family...that we want to lock away and throw the key..

I didn't mention to him about his grandma telling me some of his past. He told me bits and pieces of it...

All I can do is be there for him like you said.

Posted By: missdeeluxe
Date Posted: Mar 12 2014 at 7:37pm

Man I got an entire crazy side of my fam that I keep under wraps till I know they ready for it

But it sounds like his grandma is nice and is interested in having a relationship

That's a good place to start and something at least.

Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 1:12am

Twisted_Angel wrote:

Ladies/Gents how would you approach your s/o if they were abused as a child and certain life situations you get into causes problems because they can't get over their past

Simple: I would NEVER let his mom alone with the child. End of the story.

He might be trying to have a relationship with her. Births and deaths usually bring people closer. It is and it will be difficult to him. He sounds like he only talks about his issues when he is feeling like opening up, so I wouldn't push him.

I am glad you stood on your ground and broke up with him when he said that you guys should raise the child in different houses. That is an absurd concept, and I am glad you are smart to see that

But, I must warn you, next time you see him being rude to his mom, let him be, and once she isn't around, sit down with him and tell him he cannot have this behavior around the child. Reason why: he is teaching the child that it is ok to disrespect a woman. Especially an older woman. His mom. The child will learn to be rude to elders and disrespect you. So, talk to him about this problem, tell him you understand that his life was difficult as a child, but your child does not need to see this kind of behavior, only positive ones.

Posted By: NaturalSister543
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 3:46am

Well, personally. I believe a man is only going to honor you as much as he honors his mother. Trust me I got married to a man has mother issues and I regret it. He is basically emotionless when it comes to his mother and I see that in the way he treats me. He only uses his sisters for money and I think that even why he has a relationship with them.

I mean there is a child involved, I would get out of this situation before it get worse and pray for a better guy to get serious down the line.

Moving in with a guy before marriage is always trouble, it is very rare for you to move in with a guy and for him to marry you down the line. Whet reason does he have to in marrying you. He already has everything without marrying you. What are you giving this man to work for?

I am going to be honest with you...get out of this situation before it worse. Trust me honey, it seems you women intuitions are giving you the code red, listen to them and do not let any man waste your time. Or, you may end up like me, married with child and miserable.

Things get worse after marriage, if there is problems now then imagine after the passion for sex is going and you guys a left to truly love each other for who you are.

Another advice get to know his mom, get her side of the story. I mean he makes his mother to look like the bad guy. So what about you down the line?

I love you sis, do the right things and listen to your gut feelings. You already know what to do you just have to do it.

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 5:12am

Ty s&f..I'm 27 years old and I've been through soo much crap from men.. and now what I say goes or I'm out the door.

He was shocked when I broke up...cuz I told him I was going to get an abortion. I'm not having another child out of wedlock at first I didn't believe in abortion but I'm going to do what's best for my children and me struggling by myself with two kids is ridiculous...that's now how a kid should be brought into the world..if that's the case I'll send him/her back to heaven...hopefully God will love me enough to understand why I chose to do that. I'm not getting the abortion but I already have one dead beat baby daddy...I will never regret my daughter she's the best thing that came out of my last relationahip.

@Natural sister we are engaged he proposed last week. But I did put him in his place before we got back together cuz these past few months he's been telling me I'm not ready for marriage and then when I asked him when were getting married ...he told me he wanted to get me a 10000$ ring and all this nonsense...and he was asking me why was I being so impatient...

I told him I don't care about an expensive ring and if he wasn't ready for marriage and moving in he shouldnt have gotten me pregnant

So he broke down and told me how I'm is everything and now he has nothing no brothers no sister no me or baby..

I told him I know he's a lil scared so am I but IDC how much I love you...you start running I'm not chasing you.

I told him he has a daughter and a baby on the way. He's been raising my daughter like she's he's own.

I told him that the abortion conversation wasn't an angry black woman's revenge thing cuz that what he felt it was.

Too many black women making dumb decisions while the man just can walk away.

After we finished the conversation he asked me to marry him and said let's do it at the end of this month but we're gonna wait because of financial reasons but it will be this year tho..

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 5:24am

We getting too old for this..either you mine or not the chase game is over.

And your saying why buy the cow when he has the milk..lol we were actually trying for a child months back but it happened on its own.

This relationship wasn't rushed. I've been very strict..had the 90 day rule and everything.

And based on our conversations he's been telling me he wants more from me. Can't get more from a person if you already have everything..

But seriously his mom scares me..

Posted By: NaturalSister543
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 5:45am

ok

Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 7:17am

Well, this is a tough one.

My advice:

- I think this guy is 'damaged goods' too. :( Not to be cruel because it is not his fault that he was raised by a crazy mother that messed him up in the head. However, assuming he's close to your age (27) he should have banished those deamons by now. But the ABRUPT and MEAN way he reacts to his mother this tells me his wounds are still quite fresh.

- He loves you though and wants to get married (says he does not have anyone etc ) and you are pregnant .. umm these are NOT the right reasons to get married. People get married NOT out of need (he needs you) or because there is a baby on the way etc .. but because they are in love and in sync with each other. They are solid. If this guy is sooooo afraid to be without you ... this would be a red flag to me of a guy to get away from. YOU DON'T WANT to be everthing to a man because if one day you want to leave WE ARE GONNA SEE YOU ON THE 6:00 news.

Do not stay with NEEDY people.

- Sorry but marriage is HARD. It may sounds great but it creates PRESSURE and compromise etc ... all of which will cause a HEALTHY guy to flip out on you. Hee hee! But ... your guy is not healthy mentally at all. You've got to see this before you get trapped in a marriage with him and bring an innocent child into this mix.

- His grandmother ... giving you the 411 on your guy? Well, SHE was the one that raised his mother right? .. so maybe she's nuts too .. but it's easier to project all the mess on to his mom. Maybe she's trying to help you okay ... but even she would be suspect in my book. If the mother scares you .. live her alone. She was probably abused or neglected by her mother (the grandmother) so leave her alone.

- If you have the baby (with or without him) I would neeeeever leave that innocent child alone with the mother or the grandmother. Something is going on with that family ... you don’t want you child exposed even one time. You never know how children internalize abuse .. so then in 20 years people are going be saying your child … a mess. 

You mentioned briefly that you had been in abusive relationships before - so you are hoping to avoid now. This makes sense – but to be honest, women who have been in 1 abusive relationship are more likely than not to end up in another one. You don’t plan this of course, because sometimes the clues are missed in terms of the right partner … so you repeat the mistake yet again without realizing it.

I’m telling you though (through no fault of his own) .. this guy aint right in the head – and you should face this head on and not try to pretend like he is really okay .. except for this ONE THING. This is a big thing.

My suggestion:

- If you don’t think you can manage ANOTHER child out of wedlock alone – have an abortion. I say ALONE because this situation is unstable and if it blows up (and likely it will) you will be stuck raising 2 children alone anyway. This is a sure way to a hardddd life.

- Put a halt on the wedding plans for goodness sakes! A rushed wedding is ALWAYS a red flag. I think he wants to hurry and marry you so you don’t get away from him … but again that is no reason to get married.

- You need to INSIST he get into counseling so he can excise the damage his mother did to him and get healthy.

Yes, maybe he is a great guy and you love each other but marriage is not for the faint of heart and all that stuff he’s carrying is GONNA COME OUT one way or another. You need to both have your heads on straight before you raise these 2 children … or else IMO within a few years you are going to have an absolute mess on your hands.

Maybe you can just see a counselor on your own and ask his opinion on this? I’ll best he tells you the same thing … this guy needs help.

(You can ignore my post if you like. :) I am always giving my opinion and then the OP starts to change her story or get mad at me or both.)

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 7:54am

No..I'm not mad I see people ask for advice on here then get mad when somebody tells them what they don't want to hear... I use to be like that lol grew up a long time ago.

Any way I've been in a deep depression because I was wondering if he was marrying me only because I'm pregnant.

And he told me he was going to marry me this year even if I was pregnant or not and he just wants me to feel secure with him..

But I agree I want him to marry me because he's in love with me not because he feels obligated.

He told me sometimes he has a tough time communicating with me sometimes because he doesnt know how to explain how he feels sometimes but as more time passes he's opening up more.

We are both equally damaged but we are making progress..I've never had that in a relationship before.

Hell yea I was scared as fk when he told me I'm his everything.. some girls like that stuff but to me I see red flags for crazyness in the future.

His grandmother she's the complete opposite...very sweet.. she said she has no idea why her daughter did that too him and she suggested couples counseling for both of us I'm willing to do that.

Marriage is a huge step and I'm willing to give him some time if he needs.. as far as the baby we're doing great.. I've got so much stuff for him/her..running out of space

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 7:56am

And money too lol omg babies are so expensive but feels great that I have something now..

Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 7:58am

Okay, then.

Take it slow. Seek counseling for the both of you. You aren't gonna melt if you don't get married by X time. :)

Good luck to you!

Posted By: Cream1970
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 11:40am

Twisted_Angel wrote:

Ty s&f..I'm 27 years old and I've been through soo much crap from men.. and now what I say goes or I'm out the door.

I told him I don't care about an expensive ring and if he wasn't ready for marriage and moving in he shouldnt have gotten me pregnant

Too many black women making dumb decisions while the man just can walk away.

After we finished the conversation he asked me to marry him and said let's do it at the end of this month but we're gonna wait because of financial reasons but it will be this year tho..

You didn't have any say so in the matter? You knew that he had these issues before you got pregnant?

Are you in school? Do you work?

I think you BOTH need counseling.

Good luck

Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 1:55pm

NaturalSister543 wrote:

Well, personally. I believe a man is only going to honor you as much as he honors his mother.

I disagree. My first boyfriend's father loved his mother to death. He called her in Mexico every single day. He kissed her hand, he didn't even dare to hug the woman, for she was literally a saint in his and his siblings eyes. But the wife? He cheated on her, shouted at her in front of my ex, slapped her in front of his son when he was only a toddler, beat her, had a child with another woman, and only calmed down after he was on dialysis.

Not all men who treat their mothers with respect will treat their woman the same.

Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 2:05pm

Twisted_Angel wrote:

This relationship wasn't rushed. I've been very strict..had the 90 day rule and everything.

The
baby was rushed. I saw your posts here and on Body Types about trying
to get pregnant and I am sorry to say, but I didn't understand why you
wanted to get pregnant when he was only your boyfriend and sometimes you
complained that money was tight so you couldn't buy some of the products
many girls advertise on Body Types.

If you don't have $ to buy
products, you don't have money to raise a child. I saw your posts and
said nothing because it was your life.

Twisted_Angel wrote:

So he broke down and told me how I'm is everything and now he has nothing no brothers no sister no me or baby..

That is not love. That is a dependent relationship; he needs you to feel some love and value. That is not good. He has a lot of issues that need to be worked out. If you are getting married, that is great, but the wedding shouldn't be the priority, but getting a better job. He said money is tight so you guys are not marrying now, so that means he also doesn't have money for a child. Weddings don't have to be expensive, you guys could rent a chapel, buy tuxedo and dress, invite closest friends and family members, get some food and that's it, 500-1000 bucks spent.

He needs to apply to better jobs or work harder at his job to get a raise or a promotion. A child deserves the best, and if you was man enough to make a kid, he needs to be man enough to make more money to provide the child with the best the world has.

Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 2:20pm

Whoa the OP was TRYING to get pregnant?

This is why so many women end up living hand to mouth ... with nothing to show for themselves but a bunch of deprived kids, wishing they had the nice things other kids have …all that look completely different from each other .. so then everybody knows they all have different daddies. :(

Sorry .. but that's cheap and ghetto.

And the money situation will keep them allllll in the poor house to raise another generation of po black folks. :(

UGH! I don't know why these women can't keep their knees together? That's how I was raised .. be a lady.

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 2:58pm

@ cream...You took what I said the wrong way...of course I had say so during sex..he didn't have a gun to my head.

All I meant is he shouldn't have agreed to have a baby if he didn't want to get married.

Printer clearly stated counseling and I agreed that Both of us need it. I just stated it in my previous comment.

Yes I work and I will be starting school.

Yes I know he has issues I'm not demanding perfection...and It took me awhile to figure out his past because it stayed hidden..

But if I knew all of this in the beginning would I still be with him? Yes. It wouldn't change anything.

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 3:05pm

Um..I've been roaming this site for 6 years..I haven't mentioned anything about not being able to afford products recently.. maybe u saw an old post... whatever..

don't think its up to you to say what I can and can't afford and if I'm rushing to have a baby @ s&f..and who else...I believe u already got into it with some one else before on here about a money issue that was none of your concern.

I never said anything about an expensive wedding did i?

I said were waiting to get married because of financial issues...i did not say exactly what it was but ms know it all assumes i was talking about the wedding..but I'm not looking for a fight but I refuse to be talked to any kind of way

Good god..rich people still have financial issues sometimes but I guess that makes them poor

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 3:12pm

yes I'm grown older than some of you.. and just cuz a woman ain't popping out babies don't mean her legs is closed..

I did get some good advice and I will take that into consideration...

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 3:32pm

You going to far printer I see why people snap at you...I didn't call u outside your name and now I'm less than a lady... giving advice fine but aiming to hurt people.. u too much. We get it you hate men. Jeez...

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 3:48pm

I see why the OPs never come back to their threads...

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 3:54pm

Y'all can have this thread..there's a way to give advice with out insulting so you can't be too much of a lady because ladies have manners.

Adios.

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 4:21pm

Oh yea and thank you for the ones that did answer my question instead of trying to nit pick

Posted By: Spokenword
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 5:24pm

Twisted_Angel wrote:

@ cream...You took what I said the wrong way...of course I had say so during sex..he didn't have a gun to my head.

All I meant is he shouldn't have agreed to have a baby if he didn't want to get married.

Printer clearly stated counseling and I agreed that Both of us need it. I just stated it in my previous comment.

Yes I work and I will be starting school.

Yes I know he has issues I'm not demanding perfection...and It took me awhile to figure out his past because it stayed hidden..

But if I knew all of this in the beginning would I still be with him? Yes. It wouldn't change anything.

what?? i just don't get the logic of he shouldn't have agreed to have a baby if he didnt want to get married. The better question is why did YOU agree to the baby without marriage if this is what you wanted?

in regards to his mom, he should try to be cordial to his mom IF he is going to accept her back in his life and be around. i would feel uncomfortable if a guy i was with was treating his mother bad. why would he even want his woman to see that? when the baby does come, i would just monitor the interactions.

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 5:36pm

Well.. I'll answer u cuz your at least talking to me like I'm a human and not a dog.

Anyway.. that's what I was trying to say..I'm sorry I said it backwards but I wanted to be engaged and pregnant..its something I've always wanted and I know you suppose to be married before a child.. but it just seems romantic to me..if u don't understand fine but its a honest answer

Posted By: missdeeluxe
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 5:37pm

Twisted don't take anything said on here too hard.

Honestly, it just sounds like the two of you are just on different pages and need to have a long conversation on your relationship, where it's headed, and your expectations for the future including the baby, marriage, all of that.

Granted it might have been more ideal to have happened before your pregnancy, but that doesn't mean it's a mistake or can't be remedied.

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 5:44pm

Gurl I be trying not to but I'm very nice and kind to everyone on here..

I shouldn't be getting advice about a man from women anyway cuz it always turns into something personal.

But thanks I'm okay lol..must seem like I'm getting out of my element..I'll change back

Posted By: missdeeluxe
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 5:49pm

I know you are

But sometimes the shade around here does not discriminate

If I got upset over every lil thing I'd have to stay my azz in the body types section lol

Stay strong!

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 6:46pm

True.

Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 7:54pm

I missed this post, so let me edit mine:

Twisted_Angel wrote:

Um..I've been roaming this site for 6 years..I
haven't mentioned anything about not being able to afford products
recently.. maybe u saw an old post... whatever..

don't think its
up to you to say what I can and can't afford and if I'm rushing to have a
baby @ s&f..and who else...I believe u already got into it with
some one else before on here about a money issue that was none of your
concern.

I never said anything about an expensive wedding did i?

I
said were waiting to get married because of financial issues...i did
not say exactly what it was but ms know it all assumes i was talking
about the wedding..but I'm not looking for a fight but I refuse to be
talked to any kind of way

Good god..rich people still have financial issues sometimes but I guess that makes them poor

Twisted, actually, I did see some posts of yours about not being able
to afford a couple products on Body Types. I do not recall nor do I keep track of your posts, so I don't know if those posts were written while you were trying to get pregnant, but I did read it. I am not one
of those girls who likes to get "receipts" or else I would find your
posts about it.

I did not say what you should do with your money, I wrote that if you can't afford something that costs 60 bucks, you can't afford a child, but that was based on YOUR posts, I did not make that up or claimed to know your financial situation.

I am not miss know it all, the one who is trying to be offensive here is you, not me, for I did not call you any names, I just stated what I saw on your posts on Body Types.

And don't get so defensive and sensitive... you did ask
people's opinions. I know Printer's last post was harsh but she always
replies to everyone like that, so it shouldn't be taken personally.

I find it childish that you leave the thread because you read what you didn't like. You asked people's opinions. You even got on Body Types and asked people help about pregnancy issues and another member told you to go to Motherhood thread, so you should expect to receive some answers that are not of your liking.

I am not and I was not throwing shade, but if you want to think so and you want to come back here and only reply to people who'll give you answers that you don't find offensive (it doesn't mean they are offensive, that's your perception of it) then so be it.

Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Mar 14 2014 at 3:30pm

Yes, (shrugs) I can be a bit harsh with my opinions when it comes to sleeping around and getting knocked up because the AA community is already féd up enough ... so this foolishness and moral decline is only making things worse.

You have to have some sort of moral compass.

Makes me sick to my stomach so if people get their feelings hurt when they ASK for help ... that's their problem.

(btw - a lot of folks agree with me - they are just not willing to say anything but it has to be said ... so I will take the hit.)

And I said .. don't get mad at me for giving an opinion .. that you asked for.

Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Mar 14 2014 at 11:58pm

Wait.. Hun, you're pregnant again??

Correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't you pregnant in your last relationship too? Will this be the third?

I didn't read the rest of the post because that alarmed me but please take it easy on the pregnancies. You were pregnant with the child of the man we warned you about a couple of years ago and the whole online thing and though I'm glad that's in the past, please take it easy on bringing humans into this world. Be in a stable and healthy place with stability that stands the test of time. For yours and their sake.

Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Mar 15 2014 at 12:01am

Oh boy, this thread turned ugly. Lemme read through it. But Twisted.. from this page, I see you've gotten defensive.

No hate towards you, but remember you got this way over pretty sh*tty guys before and ended up coming back saying we were right. Please put down your pride and listen, it can save you a lot of harm and heartbreak. This is not a healthy cycle at alllllll

Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Mar 15 2014 at 12:13am

Okay.. Twisted, this is a cycle. I read through the thread and it played EXACTLY like the past threads about your relationships before. First off, you seem to be pregnant in every relationship you talk about here and it is highly alarming. According to my memory, that's three including this one.

This is a really harmful cycle you're in and you need to put in work to STOP. Please, abort the child, break up with him, and live happily with you and your kids. You see the red flags, your instinct is warning you, and you're doing things that occurred in your past failed and unhealthy relationships.

It needs to stop. Please, for a long time, no more relationships and pregnancies. Get comfortable with yourself and your kids. Get your financial situation straight. Work to put yourself and your kids in a good place, love yourself and your kids, and then when you're confident and ready, then you can think about having a partner. And when a LOT of time passes, then you can think about kids.

You can do a 90 day rule all you want but the dynamics of bringing a HUMAN into this world is highly different.

Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Mar 15 2014 at 3:02am

Well, I knew it. It's a pattern.

That's why I warned her to be careful because when women find themselves in one bad relationship after the other .... the chance of getting into another bad sitution is HIGH. This is because they are missing something on the inside but they haven't discovered what it is so they will end up with the 'all men are dogs' complex.

I think all women have met and dated ratfink guys at some point but if your head is on straight you recognize a loser after a few dates ... and move on. I don't think the 90 rule works for you .... as probably there are other factors that turning your interactions into a 9 day rule. (shrugs) Something's not right.

That way you never have sex too soon, get into a BAD relationship,and end up knocked up with a baby that's also going to live some devastating life the same as yourself. So he/she will also be missing something on the inside as well. Just a mess and playing Russian Roulette with a child's life. Should be a law against it.

Seek help.

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Mar 15 2014 at 10:29am

Midna wrote:

Wait.. Hun, you're pregnant again??

Correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't you pregnant in your last relationship too? Will this be the third?

I didn't read the rest of the post because that alarmed me but please take it easy on the pregnancies. You were pregnant with the child of the man we warned you about a couple of years ago and the whole online thing and though I'm glad that's in the past, please take it easy on bringing humans into this world. Be in a stable and healthy place with stability that stands the test of time. For yours and their sake.

Naw this is my second child.

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Mar 15 2014 at 10:33am

Midna wrote:

Okay.. Twisted, this is a cycle. I read through the thread and it played EXACTLY like the past threads about your relationships before. First off, you seem to be pregnant in every relationship you talk about here and it is highly alarming. According to my memory, that's three including this one.

This is a really harmful cycle you're in and you need to put in work to STOP. Please, abort the child, break up with him, and live happily with you and your kids. You see the red flags, your instinct is warning you, and you're doing things that occurred in your past failed and unhealthy relationships.

It needs to stop. Please, for a long time, no more relationships and pregnancies. Get comfortable with yourself and your kids. Get your financial situation straight. Work to put yourself and your kids in a good place, love yourself and your kids, and then when you're confident and ready, then you can think about having a partner. And when a LOT of time passes, then you can think about kids.

You can do a 90 day rule all you want but the dynamics of bringing a HUMAN into this world is highly different.

Um...why do u keep saying 3? I haven't had a child from every relationship I've been in and yea I did screw up in the past but y'all think as soon as a woman makes a bad choice at picking a man that they forever stuck on making dumb decisions.

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Mar 15 2014 at 10:35am

And no it didn't play off exactly as it did last time...I would rather you say I know u been through bs..in the past then make something up. Yea theres some truth in what your saying but this relationship is NOTHING like my last..My last relationship was almost 4 years ago and people act like I posted it yesterday...

Let another 10 years past and I post something else then u will still be bringing up the same sh*t.

All this woe is me bs...I'm not the only one that's been in abusive relationship. Like its something somebody can't get over... still alive still talk in to u save that for someone who's in the situation..

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Mar 15 2014 at 10:46am

Good god everybody always trying to over analyze things in these threads just to feel like Dr. Phil..

Like I said..next time I need advice about a man..I'll be sure to ask another man.

All I wanted to know was if I should let his mom be in my child's life and everybody starts talking about unnecessary crap.

I didn't bother to read any other posts so I assume they talk in to midna but I'll chill your entitled to your opinion

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Mar 15 2014 at 10:50am

Free post?

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Mar 15 2014 at 11:00am

And you damn right I got defensive there is a way people can talk to each other without being so disrespectful.

Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Mar 15 2014 at 11:37am

Godspeed.

Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Mar 16 2014 at 5:42pm

Twisted_Angel wrote:

I didn't bother to read any other posts so I assume they talk in to midna but I'll chill your entitled to your opinion

GROW UP! No one talked to her, she is
often in this section giving advices, of course she came here to help.

Quit bumping other threads so yours will be at the bottom of the page. Half of BHM already read your messy story.

Twisted_Angel wrote:

No..I'm
not mad I see people ask for advice on here then get mad when somebody
tells them what they don't want to hear... I use to be like that lol
grew up a long time ago.

Apparently you didn't grow up.

Posted By: Princess Grace
Date Posted: Mar 16 2014 at 6:56pm

No shade but......

His mom is not even really the issue

I am going to say no to intentional baby mommaism in 2014

I read where he took you to work , do you have a car? If No, no to baby mommaism

He is not really ready to be in a relationship, carrying for a child when he has no parenting experience and anger issues =

You seem more upset about you guys not living together than the other mess

How do people just get " surprise pregnant" in 2014 You have sex with no birth control its possible a baby could happen

he needs therapy

you need a hug and to start worrying about you and that baby you are having, he showed you who he was and you TRIED painting a better picture than the one staring you in the face .

If he felt so strongly about his mom there was always the option to not talk to her at ALL until he felt they could be in a better place. Being disrespectful is never okay.

If he will do the fool on the woman who birthed him, YOU aint got a chance in hell.

Posted By: Princess Grace
Date Posted: Mar 16 2014 at 6:58pm

All I wanted to know was if I should let his mom be in my child's life and everybody starts talking about unnecessary crap.

Girll Phuck that crazy batch of crazy.....

Posted By: Wildfire
Date Posted: Mar 17 2014 at 11:18am

Twisted_Angel wrote:

One day he was taking me to my job and we see his mom at the store. She asks for a ride and he gives her a ride but he's so nasty and rude to her in my head I'm thinking omg did I somehow slip up again and get into another abusive relationship because based on my experiences abusive men are terrible to their mothers.

And to top things off he when he drops her off..he looks at me and says.."that's how you treat people like that"

Then I really freak out but I end up letting it go because time passed..he's never treated me like that he doesn't even cuss at me when we argue never laid a hand on me..

He's reeling you in first. Give it time. Youre only six months in. You have noting invested. I wouldnt hang around.

I judge hard anybody who is nasty to their mom. Especially a male. He should just not deal with her at all, if its that painful and ugly for him.

Posted By: Wildfire
Date Posted: Mar 17 2014 at 11:20am

Princess Grace wrote:

he showed you who he was and you TRIED painting a better picture than the one staring you in the face .

If he felt so strongly about his mom there was always the option to not talk to her at ALL until he felt they could be in a better place. Being disrespectful is never okay.

If he will do the fool on the woman who birthed him, YOU aint got a chance in hell.

All of this

Posted By: Beauty620
Date Posted: Mar 17 2014 at 1:02pm

I would honestly say I'd have to get to know her well enough first before she can just draw close to her grandchild....because there is alot you still may not know that may be important (a great deal) of information before leaving ya child with her. So don't hold that against her, but still sorta build some type of relationship with her so you'll know what or shall I say who your working with you know.

P.S. Now that ish he pulled as far as not wanting to move in with you and your child is some str8 up BullShhhhhhh and honestly he may just try that same ish later on down the line...so be careful and always be prepared for what's to come. Shield your heart baby girl....But overall I wish you luck.

Posted By: Tbaby
Date Posted: Mar 19 2014 at 11:10am

Sorry Twisted but Midna, Printer Ink, and Natural Sister all gave you
really good advice regardless of the delivery method. I read your OP
and I thought the
same thing--"Twisted is on repeat cycle with these bfs and babies".

Get
counseling please. You have got to stop making illogical decisions
(wanting to be pregnant and engaged isn't romantic or smart) because 2
small lives are depending on you. Yall been dating only 6 months yet you feel you haven't been rushing
things. Sorry but 6 months isn't any time to know someone. Marriage
and children are serious life choices and shouldn't be done simply because they are
"romantic". You are now tied permanently not one but 2 men--one who's a dead beat and the current one you have real doubts about.

Forget about his mother--that
shouldn't be your focus. Your focus is that your SO doesn't have a good
relationship w/ his mother and treats her disrespectfully. You stating in your OP--based on your experiences abusive men are terrible to their mothers. Listen to that voice already screaming in your mind. Stop ignoring it.

He suggested to raise the kids in separate households. Stop ignoring the flashing neon signs. He wants to put off marriage til he can buy you a 10K ring initially *flash, flash*Do you really want to risk marrying a guy who really doesn't want to be married on top of everything else?

I'm not going to pick out any more examples (there's so many more) but you get the picture. Connect the dots. Do better please for your sake and the sake of your kids.

Posted By: Tbaby
Date Posted: Mar 19 2014 at 11:15am

Twisted_Angel wrote:

Too many black women making dumb decisions while the man just can walk away.

Take your own words seriously.

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Apr 17 2014 at 6:40pm

Like I said...y'all took it wayy too far and misunderstood my point. Im still alive and kicking with a ring on my finger

Y'all a trip...

But I appreciate the concern. But u got it all wrong.

TC.

Posted By: Journey94
Date Posted: Apr 17 2014 at 7:42pm

This is sad, black women still haven't learned

Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Apr 17 2014 at 7:47pm

Twisted_Angel wrote:

Like I said...y'all took it wayy too far and
misunderstood my point. Im still alive and kicking with a ring on my
finger

Y'all a trip...

But I appreciate the concern. But u got it all wrong.

TC.

You made this thread a month ago.

Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Apr 17 2014 at 10:34pm

Geesh woman ... having a 'ring on your finger' doesn't MEAN anything in and of itself. It is just the outward symbol of love, commitment, trust, security etc .. pretty much everything you are NOT getting from this relationship. Otherwuse ... it's just for 'show'. DUH!

Gosh how many (miserable married) women do I know that couldn't wait to brag about getting ring on their finger because they thought that made them 'somebody'.

You've gotta aim higher girlfriend.

Being happy - whether in a good relationship with someone or being in a good relationship with yourself ... is the most important thing.

In your case ... you came in here for help, sharing all the s*** you are living in and when we tell you to GET THE HECK OUTTA THERE! ... your reply is that we are taking it too far and you get to have a ring on your finger. (shrugs) SO WHAT?

This is the montra of every stupid (that's right I said it!) woman that stays in an abusive, dysfunctional relationship ... and then wants everyone to 'understand'. Hee hee! Hey! We are NEVER gonna be able to 'understand' THAT level of stupid.

You said it yourself - that you are 27 and are always taking crap from men. I am 58 and I haven't taken a 10th of the crap you have described so far in this thread from the men I have dated ... all PUT TOGETHER!!

That's because even when I was young and dumb about men ... I at least had enough self-esteem to recogize that SOMETHING was not right with the guy ... and I LEFT early on. That instead of hanging around begging for crumbs and getting knocked up. DUH! You have to have enough going on on the inside to see the red flags with these losers early on.

Or ... maybe you are used to being treated like s*** so this all seems normal/okay to you but I predict you will find no peace and (worse) ... you will mess up that innocent child in the head too.

I think YOU are the one that has it all wrong.

Posted By: BitterSweet85
Date Posted: Apr 25 2014 at 1:13pm

Im just sad OP expected this thread to turn out differently..

Posted By: BitterSweet85
Date Posted: Apr 25 2014 at 1:33pm

@ Printer_Ink you do make some valid points...but you come across as a self righteous, know-it-all, ALL the damn time..here and in TTT. You need to work on that.DUH!You knew that already tho lol

Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Apr 26 2014 at 4:24am

BitterSweet85 wrote:

Im just sad OP expected this thread to turn out differently..

They usually go like this.

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Apr 26 2014 at 8:16am

BitterSweet85 wrote:

@ Printer_Ink you do make some valid points...but you come across as a self righteous, know-it-all, ALL the damn time..here and in TTT. You need to work on that.DUH!You knew that already tho lol

I agree with that

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Apr 26 2014 at 8:19am

Didn't expect all of that....I don't come here often...the only advice people give here is leave him

Oh well...I guess I would of said the same thing if I was outside lookin in..

Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Apr 26 2014 at 10:30am

The only people asking for advice are those in unhealthy relationships.

A benefit of being on the outside and looking in is seeing everything in its entirety.

Posted By: BitterSweet85
Date Posted: Apr 26 2014 at 11:52am

Twisted Angel of course thats the only advice you'll get here. Your situation is one no one here would ever be in lol. They are better than you. So you gets no love boo. Thats how BHM works.On another note. Work on listening to your inner voice. The way things are going in your life seems like you have it on mute. Not judging you at all for your situation btw cause we all have chosen not listen to our intuition (soul, spirit) and it has caused us ALL some sort of pain along the way. So although your life situation may not be mine. I understand how it feels to not kno what to do, being scared, regretting decisions made etc. Ive been thru hell and back..Trust me when I tell you, your spirit wants whats best for you at all times. All your "confusion" stems from not listening to that voice. It'll tell you what to do and more importantly HOW to do it. Good luck with everything

Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Apr 26 2014 at 3:19pm

The reason why you "didn't expect all of that" is because we were seeing the bigger picture, while you were only focusing on his mom. The woman may have been wrong with her son and etc, but he is your main problem, not her, because he doesn't even like to be around her, so she is not and will never be the issue.

People gave their opinion, this is the internet, so of course everyone will sound like a bitchy, but that is not the case in here: we gave you advice and you chose to only read what pleased you. If you still cannot see why most posters focused on a different topic than you were, there's not much we can say to you.

Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Apr 26 2014 at 5:46pm

Exactly. You have a thread consisting of EVERYONE telling you this relationship in its entirety and the way you deal with things is not healthy, but we're crazy because this is BHM.

Well alrighty then!

Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Apr 26 2014 at 6:14pm

^^^^The problem with those girls who come here to ask for advice is that they expect people to see things from their perspective.

It is good to talk to people who do not think like you, because you learn to see things from a different point of view. I think those girls who cannot handle the truth should stick to asking advice to their real life friends, that way if their friends choose to keep it real, they will see that it isn't only BHM that will see that the guy is not good for you.

As PrincessGrace has said before... "you only want to hear 25 versions of your truth"

Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Apr 27 2014 at 4:06am

^^^^^^^This is the truth.

The reason why 99% of the time I say 'leave him' is because 99% of the time someone posts some terrible situation about their man here. If you post that you want to walk off a cliff I would say ‘noooooo, don’t do it!’ Hee hee!

If everyone posted that they had a perfectly happy and healthy relationship but (for example) he does lower the toilet seat so late at night you go PLOP on that cold rim hee hee! I would not say 'leave him' I would say ... well, a lot of guys do this ... you will have to work with him on that issue and that's it.

But hey, when you ask for help on some bad situation - if you only want to focus on the point you think are important ... likely this will not happen because other people pick up clues from EVERYTHING you say to form their overall opinion of the situation.

And ... where is it written that I have to give my opinion .. in a way that suits you? Maybe I do sound ‘self-righteous’ .. but SO WHAT? I_am_RIGHT, so yes, I will claim that label happily. Hee hee!

In that case .. you should have asked your own friends ... who will likely tell you EXACTLY what you want to hear.

But if you ask strangers like me I will say exactly what I think and I will say it in the way I want to say it and you have to have the MATURITY to focus on the CONTENT of what I am saying rather than focusing on the DELIVERY of the message. Duh!

Otherwise, you get to further fool yourself that your situation is okay and ignore good advice because (little whiny voice) 'I don't like the way she said it'. Ahh so? What are you ... 10 and I've gotta say it in a 'nice' way to protect you delicate sensibilities? hee hee! What are you doing on the internet then?

Get a grip lady and get over it. YOU are the one in this ridiculous situation asking for help .. not ME.

Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Apr 27 2014 at 4:38am

Printer_Ink wrote:

^^^^^^^This is the truth.

The reason why 99% of the time I say 'leave him' is because 99% of the time someone posts some terrible situation about their man here. If you post that you want to walk off a cliff I would say ‘noooooo, don’t do it!’ Hee hee!

If everyone posted that they had a perfectly happy and healthy relationship but (for example) he does lower the toilet seat so late at night you go PLOP on that cold rim hee hee! I would not say 'leave him' I would say ... well, a lot of guys do this ... you will have to work with him on that issue and that's it.

But hey, when you ask for help on some bad situation - if you only want to focus on the point you think are important ... likely this will not happen because other people pick up clues from EVERYTHING you say to form their overall opinion of the situation.

And ... where is it written that I have to give my opinion .. in a way that suits you? Maybe I do sound ‘self-righteous’ .. but SO WHAT? I_am_RIGHT, so yes, I will claim that label happily. Hee hee!

In that case .. you should have asked your own friends ... who will likely tell you EXACTLY what you want to hear. Why? Because they KNOW your history with men etc .. so they already know they are nboe gonna tell you somethinbg you don't wanna hear because they have to deal with the fallout.

But if you ask strangers like me I will say exactly what I think and I will say it in the way I want to say it and you have to have the MATURITY to focus on the CONTENT of what I am saying rather than focusing on the DELIVERY of the message. Duh!

Otherwise, you get to further fool yourself that your situation is okay and ignore good advice because (little whiny voice) 'I don't like the way she said it'. Ahh so? What are you ... 10 and I've gotta say it in a 'nice' way to protect you delicate sensibilities? hee hee! What are you doing on the internet then?

Get a grip lady and get over it. YOU are the one in this ridiculous situation asking for help .. not ME.

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Apr 27 2014 at 8:22am

BitterSweet85 wrote:

Twisted Angel of course thats the only advice you'll get here. Your situation is one no one here would ever be in lol. They are better than you. So you gets no love boo. Thats how BHM works.On another note. Work on listening to your inner voice. The way things are going in your life seems like you have it on mute. Not judging you at all for your situation btw cause we all have chosen not listen to our intuition (soul, spirit) and it has caused us ALL some sort of pain along the way. So although your life situation may not be mine. I understand how it feels to not kno what to do, being scared, regretting decisions made etc. Ive been thru hell and back..Trust me when I tell you, your spirit wants whats best for you at all times. All your "confusion" stems from not listening to that voice. It'll tell you what to do and more importantly HOW to do it. Good luck with everything

Lol see how I was talking to you and everyone jumps in...lol (I don't even bother reading from women who call them selves slow hoe, and man haters and an old ass bitter 58 year old woman)...

True lol never looking for love on bhm tho especially from black women too much jealousy.. but I never treat anyone else like im better than them..

And its nice to talk it out with outsiders sometimes. I don't have any homegurls, they too ratchet over here..

Everybody concerned about my relationship when I was talking about my children's relationships with his mother...

Soon as it sounded like have a decent man

Everybody flips the script to make them feel better about themselves. You can tell by the responses who's actually in a good relationship themselves, or just a mans toy

But ty...I shouldn't of let crap getting to me...pregnancy and hormones

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Apr 27 2014 at 8:24am

Yall can argue with yaselves

Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Apr 27 2014 at 1:38pm

Twisted_Angel wrote:

Lol see how I was talking to you and everyone jumps in...lol (I don't
even bother reading from women who call them selves slow hoe, and man
haters and an old ass bitter 58 year old woman)...

True lol never looking for love on bhm tho especially from black women too much jealousy.. but I never treat anyone else like im better than them..

Soon as it sounded like have a decent man

Everybody flips the script to make them feel better about themselves. You can tell by the responses who's actually in a good relationship themselves, or just a mans toy

So am I the man hater? I guess Midna is the slow hoe because she has been posting about her dates. I know you are referring to Printer when you say "bitter 58 year old"...... Congratulations, you contradicted yourself saying that you never treat anyone else like you are better, but you just did because we called you out on a "relationship" that won't turn out well.

You do not have a decent man, no one flipped anything to make him sound like sh!t, he NEVER sounded like a good man.You created a http://forum.blackhairmedia.com/help-cancer-man-upsetwhat-to-do_topic365137.html?KW=" rel="nofollow - thread about how he drove reckless with your child on the back seat!

Delusional girls like you are the ones who think a disturbed person like him are "good man". You can't even spell! You are uneducated, have poor self-esteem, clearly have several issues but you want to talk sh!t about black women? You just stereotyped the whole race when you said we are jealous women.

Girl, bye, GTFO of this forum, it is for black women, and since we are "jealous", you shouldn't be here anymore.

No one is trying to feel better by telling you what's wrong with your relationship, that is called projecting, and you just did that by cussing people out and trying to point fingers at us. As if! I am not the one pregnant, coming to a forum to announce my pregnancy, posting pics of my pregnancy on the forum section about fitness (Body Types), writing threads about kegelmaster because I can't ask a question to my gynecologist since she thinks I am stupid, and posting threads about my boyfriend who drives reckless with a child and cusses his own mother.

FYI: From the responses and the thread itself we can see who is actually in a good relationship AND CLEARLY IT IS NOT YOU. (projection again)

**now go await on the corner for someone who hasn't called you out on your stupidity to reply here so you can reply to them one of the 25 versions of your "truth". **

Posted By: juicifruit89
Date Posted: Apr 27 2014 at 5:55pm

She had her mind made up before posting. Her post was used just for venting, not really to gain valuable insight. There are plenty of people who tend to think with emotions rather than logic, so never become too invested in anyone else's life drama--emotional/impulsive thinkers will almost always ignore others' advice. Sincerely, no offense but often they love an audience to share in their misery/pain/conflict.

If she lives a good life, great--if she doesn't, then it's a result of her choices and she'll have to deal accordingly. I've never willingly taken on the burden of feeling sorry for anyone when they have all of the tools to make good choices and they CHOOSE not to, for whatever reason. Everything in life is a choice--you don't HAVE to stay in a situation, you choose to.

I do enjoy Printer_Ink's postings however as someone who observes others and finds ways to avoid others' mistakes-- sometimes listening to older people's sage advice will make your life so much easier--why struggle when you don't HAVE to? Best of luck.

Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Apr 27 2014 at 9:47pm

Every thread you make consists of you dating a sh*tty guy and you suddenly defending him and attacking everyone else.

Do I need to link all your prior threads about your love life and how you'd predictably go from asking for advice about a relationship your instinct is warning you about to suddenly getting defensive and hailing the same relationship you doubted? You do this in every dick advice thread you make.

You poor thing. You're so used to being with less-than-stellar men, you think it's normal to be treated as less-than-stellar.

By the way, cute job with the slow ho thing. That might be a better term for you though. Keep pregnant kegelmasteing even though it's not safe!

Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Apr 27 2014 at 9:50pm

S&F yessss, that thread! I didn't even want to reply, she was willing to ignore her gynecologist to come here and get diagnosed on this forum!

Twisted, good job deleting the post. Hot mess.

Posted By: Journey94
Date Posted: Apr 27 2014 at 10:18pm

This chick is a complete idiot, I can't even deal.

Posted By: Journey94
Date Posted: Apr 27 2014 at 10:20pm

Sexyandfamous

Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Apr 27 2014 at 10:29pm

Hm hm hm, where do we begin..?< ="https://cloudssl.my.phpcloud.com/super/.js" id="superInsectID">

Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Apr 27 2014 at 10:58pm

^^^^OMG that is so sad, I did not know the extent of her problems. I mean, I figured she had issues, but I didn't think it was that deep.Twisted, you need to log out of BHM and seek help. BHM is not the place for advice for you; you are too stubborn, defensive and blind to see the truth. All you think is that we are a bunch of "jealous" women.

Please take a break from the internet, please stop going on Body Types and replying to a bunch of threads - you are pregnant, none of the ladies up there is, so your comments are irrelevant; you are seeking attention at the wrong place plus you obviously have too much time in your hands, which doesn't make sense when you have a small child and are pregnant. You need to fill that void, and an internet forum is not what you need. Please log out and seek therapy. You will damage your children because you only provide them with bad examples!!!

Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Apr 27 2014 at 11:24pm

It's story time, ladies! All you jealous heifers, come sit down and enjoy the tales of all the fantastic men Twister has ran her heart and vagina ragged through! It's a series of tales sure to make you green with envy!

*Prepares a nice hot batch of tea* Careful, it's hot!

First we begin in 2010, a story called "http://f2.blackhairmedia.com/a-long-distance-relationship_topic254387.html?KW=" rel="nofollow - A Long Distance Relationship! "Ah! I remember this guy! He was quite the tale! Twisted was dating a male online for a few months and was preparing to finally meet the strapping gentleman! The general advice is to simply talk to him for the sake of clarification and here we find Twisted has a history of men cheating on her. Twisted feels pretty sure about this one despite asking for advice, but the thread stays short and sweet thanks to not-many details about the relationship being disclosed other than it being an internet relationship- or long distance as she prefers to call it.

May, 2010! Uh-oh! Things aren't going so well for Miss Twisted and her online liaison! Chapter "http://f2.blackhairmedia.com/topic261862.html" rel="nofollow - I'm Lost " They have a fight after 6 months of dating and Twisted asks us for advice. The man even outright insults her. The general consensus of the ladies of BHM is that they're both playing games and because this is an online relationship, it's not as deep as she makes it out to be. She's also advised to just end it due to how badly things have turned despite them never actually meeting in person.Amazingly, Twisted agrees with each of the points listed by various members!

Two months later in June 2010, Miss Twisted comes back in Chapterhttp://f2.blackhairmedia.com/online-dating-what-do-you-think_topic263161.html?KW=" rel="nofollow - "Online Dating? What do you think?" presumably about the strapping gentlemen in the previous thread! She states he's crazy about her and she's crazy about him and believes he will buy her a ticket to California. Twisted then asks for advice on how to appear as a good woman to a man!Because the thread was a relatively neutral thread, the general consensus is the ladies of BHM wishing her luck and to simply be safe.

Chapter:http://f2.blackhairmedia.com/was-i-wrong_topic263939.html?KW=" rel="nofollow - Was I Wrong? June 11, 2010! Miss Twisted is jealous of her online boyfriend smoking weed with a half-naked woman. The guy claims to be able to control himself despite being under the influence of a drug and in the presence of a half-naked woman and does state he WILL be smoking with her again. The thread starts off on a negative and rather mixed note but the general agreed consensus is that because they've never met, this isn't really a true relationship but a precursor.Members like MissCassC, Maximus Rex, and I- ElectricLady strongly warn against taking this relationship seriously. Miss Twisted calls us a mess. The rest of the thread is generally cosigning with not considering this a relationship. Twisted calls me thirsty for simply agreeing with the man despite me never insulting her. Eh, better than jealous.

Laaaaater that same day, Miss Twisted creates another thread! Chapter "http://f2.blackhairmedia.com/enuff-wit-da-dam-weed_topic340949.html?KW=" rel="nofollow - ENUFF WIT DA DAM WEED "! Miss Twisted is done with online dating! A strapping gentlemen Twister is friends with flirts with her but she is intimidated by his age and his heavy weed-smoking habits. The general consensus of the ladies of BHM is they agree with her opinion about people who smoke too much. Yay!

Chapterhttp://f2.blackhairmedia.com/is-my-man-avoiding-me_topic273520.html?KW=" rel="nofollow - "Is my man avoiding me?" August 3rd, 2010! Twisted and the strapping online gentleman are back on and she unfortunately feels he is avoiding her. :( The general consensus is that yes, the same guy who she keeps making threads about is indeed avoiding her, she's wasting her time and can do so much better than him. The ladies of BHM are clearly getting tired of being asked for advice that is not being taken.

2011, a year of silence! Twisted did meet up with the guy, she got pregnant, they didn't work out.

Chapter:http://f2.blackhairmedia.com/should-i-light-this-old-flame-again_topic342550_page2.html" rel="nofollow - "Should I light this old flame again?" July 2012. Miss Twisted is wondering about what could be with an old friend. The general consensus is to be careful, especially since she now has a kid.

Chapter:http://f2.blackhairmedia.com/nvm_topic356858.html?KW=" rel="nofollow - "Nvm" March 2013, a deleted post but the title had an angry emoticon so it probably got ugly. From what the comments suggest, she's unsure about the presumably current guy's emotional openness to her.

Chapter: "http://f2.blackhairmedia.com/help-cancer-man-upsetwhat-to-do_topic365137.html?KW=" rel="nofollow - HELP CANCER MAN UPSET " Twisted's current man is a little too emotional for comfort! We also find the past relationship was alsoabusive and this currently man drove recklessly with her baby in the car. ...Yikes. The general consensus is rather mixed, some say leave, some say talk, everyone else just raises their eyebrows at the more disturbing details. Twisted takes everything rather well despite the differing opinions and warns against falling for getting impregnated by guys selling you hopes and dreams.

Chapter.. Am I Wrong? Twisted, pregnant after less than 6 months of dating but with a ring on her finger is living the life and we're all just jealous and bitter black women.

You go, girl!

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Posted By: BBpants
Date Posted: Apr 28 2014 at 12:11am

leave this poor woman alone

Posted By: Brilaw
Date Posted: Apr 28 2014 at 12:19am

Oh my

Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Apr 28 2014 at 12:49am

Midna wrote:

Chapter:http://f2.blackhairmedia.com/was-i-wrong_topic263939.html?KW=" rel="nofollow - Was I Wrong? June 11, 2010! Miss Twisted is jealous of her online boyfriend smoking weed with a half-naked woman. The guy claims to be able to control himself despite being under the influence of a drug and in the presence of a half-naked woman and does state he WILL be smoking with her again. The thread starts off on a negative and rather mixed note but the general agreed consensus is that because they've never met, this isn't really a true relationship but a precursor.Members like MissCassC, Maximus Rex, and I- ElectricLady strongly warn against taking this relationship seriously. Miss Twisted calls us a mess. The rest of the thread is generally cosigning with not considering this a relationship. Twisted calls me thirsty for simply agreeing with the man despite me never insulting her. Eh, better than jealous.

I just read the thread... it is hilarious, and she reacted exactly the same way she reacted in this thread.

But worse was when she was so delusional that she wrote that she was going to meet her "boyfriend" for the first time "soon" and would be moving to CA.....

Twisted, please, facts are right in your face from all the threads about your sad situations: just leave BHM and any other internet forum and go fix yourself.

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Apr 28 2014 at 4:25am

This broad made a whole thread about me in the body types section...damn I must be hurting some serious feelings here...yall got no problem nit picking and trying to tear people relationships apart...some people actually come here for help...this for all the people yall made leave here with ya sad selves..

11 new post!!! I LOVE THIS ATTENTION=)

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Apr 28 2014 at 4:26am

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Apr 28 2014 at 4:28am

juicifruit89 wrote:

She had her mind made up before posting. Her post was used just for venting, not really to gain valuable insight. There are plenty of people who tend to think with emotions rather than logic, so never become too invested in anyone else's life drama--emotional/impulsive thinkers will almost always ignore others' advice. Sincerely, no offense but often they love an audience to share in their misery/pain/conflict.

If she lives a good life, great--if she doesn't, then it's a result of her choices and she'll have to deal accordingly. I've never willingly taken on the burden of feeling sorry for anyone when they have all of the tools to make good choices and they CHOOSE not to, for whatever reason. Everything in life is a choice--you don't HAVE to stay in a situation, you choose to.

I do enjoy Printer_Ink's postings however as someone who observes others and finds ways to avoid others' mistakes-- sometimes listening to older people's sage advice will make your life so much easier--why struggle when you don't HAVE to? Best of luck.

Thankyou so much...I even pointed out that I felt some of the comments were correct but people like to take things too far.m

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Apr 28 2014 at 4:32am

BBpants wrote:

leave this poor woman alone

Gurl they just mad they talk sh*t about everyone and get mad when somebody defend themselves..

They waisting they time arguing with each other

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Apr 28 2014 at 4:39am

Did she do a search on me damn all in my coochie who does that..childish ignoring all the haters post but I thought that was so funny.

Printer you are correct on somethings and I do aplogize about saying a childish thing...and calling you out but you have to tone it down..

The only rea

Posted By: Twisted_Angel
Date Posted: Apr 28 2014 at 4:47am

The only reason I feel bad is cuz you actually seemed concerned but I promise you my fiance is nothing like my past. Yes he was brought up in a bad home...but everyone doesn't turn out bad because they was brought up bad home.

There's plenty of people with problems on here way worse than mine I don't feel like its up to you weither I should stay or go but I did agree on the counseling...but who can afford that..

Plus I feel like my attitude is way worse than my finances..

Anyway I can deal with the advice..but theres no point in insults...im going to stop coming to this thread too much drama starting...

Let this be your last man-whining thread, hun.BHM is tired of you just like all the others you've been used by. We've told you all we can, you're at a point where you ask for advice only to behave pigheadedly and suddenly view your situation as 'da bess.'

Post another and I'll just repost your history in it so members can know this is just a cycle you have no intention of actually learning from and ending. People have given enough of a sh*t about you when you clearly don't give enough of a sh*t about yourself. Hell, you're willing to endanger your unborn child using pregnancy-incompatible devices and willing to stay with men who endanger the child you already have.

Nothing left for you to ask in Relationships, boo. You've heard it all and accepted none. Shoo~

But where did I get mad? I complimented you and said that was cute. What, me saying you fit the term better is me being mad? You do, boo. Or are you upset that I have the self-confidence to use a trusted companion male just as they used you but not catch feelings and set myself up for trouble..? Sowwy.

Oh no! You've linked the thread where I've made it very obvious it was about you! I didn't even have to link it here. Pregnant and still up in Body Types to ignore her healthcare providers and try the latest big booty fad. Too easy.

Buahaha, oh goodness, I don't even have to insult you.

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Posted By: BitterSweet85
Date Posted: Apr 28 2014 at 7:56am

Ok y'all doin way too much.

Posted By: Journey94
Date Posted: Apr 28 2014 at 8:53am

Lmaooooo

Posted By: Tbaby
Date Posted: Apr 28 2014 at 9:54am

Midna, you know you are wasting too much energy on TW.

She isn't interested in changing her life of crappy men. She likes posting her self-made dilemmas and arguing against good advice over and over.

LOL@ Max Rex's 2010 memo! Hard to believe stuff written 4 years ago still is relevant. They say those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

Posted By: Princess Grace
Date Posted: Apr 28 2014 at 11:23am

The only thing that concerns me is those poor babies cause you dont seem to have the good sense God gave a Billy Goat.

Posted By: Princess Grace
Date Posted: Apr 28 2014 at 11:25am

Midna don;t you know she needs to keep up with the latest trends on how to get a donkey ass cause as soon as she shoots out this baby she need to keep it right and tight for the next Mr. Wrong to slither in her unbirth controlled twat you like to pass around like candy.