Robbie Williams now too old for Radio Two

Radio 2 have announced today that they will be following radio one in refusing to play Robbie Williams on the basis that he is now middle aged and makes everybody else feel old.

According to Chris Evans “Our target age group of over 35s are trying desperately to cling on to their lost youth but they can’t listen to radio one in case they hear that Jessie J doing that kerching song or something. However, if they’re going to listen to Williams singing ‘Let me entertain you’ they might as well just go to a 1920s music hall and watch a bloke playing the tambourine whilst juggling meat. You’ve got to draw the line somewhere.”

The move has received widespread approval after many Radio two listeners had previously threatened to move to Radio 3, albeit with the sound turned off. One such listener told us “I won’t lie, I still lament the day that Terry Wogan handed over to that ginger upstart Evans. But if I wanted to hear Williams warbling on about Angels then I’d have put on my string vest, shuffled around the house on my Zimmer frame and put some tea cakes on the go. Then I’d have picked up a copy of the Daily Mail and sat there working myself up into a frenzy of indignation over asylum seekers, benefit claimants and Ed Miliband’s dad. Probably whilst playing with my false teeth and searching for a lost slipper.”

The move has come at the same time as many regional radio stations are shunning new music by the former Take That crooner. As a spokesman for Arse FM in West Sussex explained “We’re not sure if his new stuff is relevant or not because we’re refusing to play it, so we haven’t heard it.”

Radio three have issued the following statement “We’re not going to ban him per se but he’s going to need to get with it a bit.”