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Topic: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps (Read 14018 times)

Hey there! I'm a newbie to the board, and I'm a lifelong TAR fan. I've been reading TAR recaps on TWOP since they started, and have seen the majority of English speaking TAR episodes (USA/Australia/Asia/China Rush) and about half the Latin American ones, and all the Hebrew ones. I am pretty proficient in both Spanish and Hebrew, I love to write, and I figured that it might be time for some TAR Israel recaps, since I find the show hilarious and I want to share the hilarity with the non-Hebrew speakers. I'm currently working on a recap of Episode 1 of season 2 and I hope you'll enjoy them. I'm also known for giving up on projects, but hopefully I get some here and some laffos to encourage me to keep on doing this. If you don't like it, well... ...just kidding, let me know how you feel

And we have a new host this season, Ron Shahar. Seems to be more Phil-like than Raz Meirman, slightly less cute. He’s standing atop a tower in Jerusalem, even though we’ll actually be starting in the awesomely-colorful Teddy Stadium in Tel Aviv. Huh?

Anyway, 11 teams, 1 million shekel (like 250,000 dollars), the world…but wait! New twist! Last team to make it to the airport won’t be on the plane. Israel, get ready to meet Eric and Lisa 2.0.

Teams arrive at Teddy and de-bus.

First team: Alon and Oren. Brothers, one’s a lawyer and one’s a CEO. Oren appears to be the one with the glasses and Alon the leather jacketed slacker (I believe). They are very close and kind of look like Baldwin brothers. They like to argue, as they demonstrate for us in a shouting match which I fear we’ll be seeing a lot of, and Leather calls Lawyer insane, who argues that he is well-balanced. Leather (who refers to lawyer as Oren, and so it shall be) is gay, and compares himself to their mother who apparently is a “nuclear disaster” who calls people in supermarkets homos for fun. Let’s see how that pans out for you on the race, guys. Alon argues that all gays cheat at checkers. Looks like they’ll be a scream. Then they play racquetball, talk about how different they are and that it completes them and will help them win the race. They say that no matter what happens, they’ll always be brothers, but they may or may not speak after the race depending on how well they do.

Next up: Tom and Adele. He’s a soccer goalie, and she…apparently just finished high school with a degree in waving pom poms and wearing circle skirts. I don’t think they make an A-level for that. He scores a goal, and she apparently is more interested in talking on the phone. They met through Facebook because Tom liked Adele’s (jailbait) bikini pix. They’re dating (sigh) and bicker a little (sigh) but seem kind of cute and relatively palatable. She’s American and he makes fun of her. He calls her hard to restrain and a baby, she calls him a baby, and I can see this is going to end well.

Next off the bus: Anael and Akiva, a religious married couple from Tirat Yehuda. They talk about religion, he wraps himself in tefillin and she reads from a bible and casually waves to her. She talks about modesty and that she won’t be in a bikini. Wow, shocking news, that. He talks about how pretty she is, and she’s actually quite pretty, possibly even prettier than most of this season’s girls. Then we see them on a picnic which is so obviously staged, he picks her a flower and she smells it and it’s wonderful and they share food and say blessings and are generally borderline cute/robotic for the next few minutes. I don’t want to like them, but I kind of want to think they’re cute in an underdog sort of way. Let’s see how long they last.

Next up is our first chick team: Tal and Mor, a mother and daughter who are neon colored and loud and jump off the bus simultaneously without falling or bumping into each other. Tal’s a fitness instructor with six pack abs and breasts that look like they belong on a competitor on the East German Olympic team and an accent to match. Mama pretty much dominates the confessional and Mor talks about how hot her mother is, and we see Tal leading a fitness class, the kind that makes everyone uncomfortable. You can tell that Tal is all natural, but in a manlike-sorta way. Tal says her doctor believes she’s reversing evolution or something, and yeah, she looks pretty beastly so we’ll go with that.

Our next team is Hen and Alon, kickboxing instructor and model, married 1 year. They seem like a combo of goofball and airhead, and I’m not sure what to make of them Hen says she initially thought he was short and insecure, but Alon insists that good things come in small packages, and the word “package” makes Hen laugh because she’s a fourteen year old girl in a lime green bikini. They clean and iron and make fun of each other and apparently Hen has eyes in the back of her head because she tells Alon to stop making faces at her.

Next up are Osnat and Carmit aka Kibbutz Ladies 2.0 hopefully with less stomach infections. From Kiryat Ayin (where else?) they’re loud, proud, and pretty much kick ass in their confessional, rocking out in traditional Yemenite costumes and doing the dancing around a fire and all that jazz. Osnat (the non-gray-haired one) does the “ai-yi-yi” thing, and Carmit wants to go to India but not Japan because of nuclear reactors (?). They ramble on and it’s adorable and are seen doing a powerwalk and watering plants.

After this, we have Bar and Inna. Bar is the one with the Russell Hantz hat, and she’s a painter. Inna is the Paris Hilton looking one who plays with a dog while Bar sketches. They may or may not be lesbians but they’re pretty damn well on their way what with the hugginess.

Firass and Shira are next, and they’re from Nazareth in the north of Israel. He’s Muslim, she’s Jewish, gasp! They’re just like Romeo and Juliet! They are seen sharing a falafel in an utterly cute way and romping around Nazareth to the tune of Mandy Moore’s “In My Pocket”. They are friends because of their brothers. Shira says Firass would be perfect, alas he’s not of her species, er…religion. They seem fun, but we’ve got 2 more teams to go, so we’ll leave them to their falafel.

Moti and Pundak are next and you can already tell that they’re the Shay and Guy of this season. They come from Petach Tikva. Moti is a DJ and he introduces himself and his partner and describes his partner as the dumb one. Homoerotic vibes flare as they sit next to each other and play around on Facebook (really, producers? That’s the one activity you could have them do?) and Moti comments on Idan’s nose which is quite large. Moti says if Pundak was a girl, he’d sleep with him. So they’re metrosexual. Nonetheless, they talk about gingers and practice shooting each other’s faces blah blah alpha males, next.

Next up are probably the most interesting and the most doomed pairing, Nitzan and Fifi. Not surprisingly, Fifi is the girl, and rather cute at that. Nitzan does a cute little dance as Fifi jumps on his back as they disembark the bus. They have an interesting relationship I don’t think the show has ever seen: boss and employee. Fifi comes from a family of bakers, and Nitzan’s been working in Fifi’s bakery making burekas and rugelach and wants to show her that he’s more than just an employee. They then are seen playing around a swimming pool. Fifi talks about being more than a blonde, just like Hadas and Inbal from season one (that worked out pretty well for them, hope Fifi brought a makeup mirror to smash in leg 1) but I’m distracted by big ole Nitzan floating the background before he hilariously upstages Fifi by falling off the little raft into the water. Team Burekas affirms its place on my love list when Nitzan announces he’ll put the other teams into a pita. Heh.

Final team: a Bettie Page-looking chick named Alona and her drummer from Gadi. They sing “I’ll Stand By You” and it sounds horrible. Gadi knocks over the drum set and they horse around to Elvis songs. Alona wants Gadi but she’s super young and he’s got a wife and kids. They’re kinda cute but not really athletic, kind of like remnants of the fifties.

Teams line up in a semicircle, and Not Raz explains the rules, including the new twist. Gasps all around. One million shekels, let’s all clap, and in a rare, possibly rule-breaking move, Anael wishes good look to the nearest team who happen to be the brothers, who respond kindly. And…they’re off!

And we’re back, and the first twist of the game – their cars are way up in the air on tractors. Holy shit. They have to untie a rope, get the key, climb a ladder, key into the car, turn it on, and then be lowered to the ground and receive their next clue. Maybe Fifi should have borrowed Hadas and Inbal’s mirror after all.

As teams are running, Anael over-comments about the twelfth team, “stress and pressure.” You’ve been on the race for all of ten seconds. Teams freak out at the tanks but start untying. We focus on three teams in particular: Anael and Akiva who talk about how difficult it is but seem to be doing well; Tom and Adele who have no clue what they’re doing; and the brothers who are bickering and saying something about everyone being brothers with Alon in charge. But it’s Anael and Akiva who get their key first along with ear-splitting shrieking from Anael. They celebrate and Anael comments how people see religious people as smart but not athletic. Kind of true, but trite. They start to climb up, and Anael is scared. Jewess Shira takes a break from untying the rope to remark to Muslim Firass that “the religious chick is climbing in her skirt like she’s climbing the Kotel (Western Wall).” Tee hee. Tom and Adele are finished and start to climb. Jazz plays, so that must mean Bettie Page and Partner get some screen time and indeed they do and aren’t doing too well. Alona blathers about travel agencies and the bourgeoisie, but they get it untied magically. Alona’s having trouble climbing though.

Brothers are also climbing, and it appears Adele and her spindly legs get to the top before anyone else, but brothers and Anakiva aren’t far behind. The brothers get in the car and are the first to get lowered, and Adele screams at Tom and laughs at him for being scared of standing that high up. Um, I’d be scared too. Then Adele freaks out as Tom almost puts the car into gear. I really hope that no teams actually do that, or else this may be a shorter race than the producers intended.

Brothers get the clue first and it’s a route info task. Ron explains that the teams must drive to a wheat field in Rukhama at Nahal Shikma, where they will be greeted by an Israeli choir in full choir attire singing oom-pah-pah. Each car has a clue locked in a plexiglass cage on the dashboard and to elucidate further, teams will need to figure out that the songs the choir is singing correspond to three colors of the country’s flag to which they are going (red, white, and green, although this may not be necessary as we will see). Then they have to go to another field, search for the correct colored balls with a number code to unlock the cage to get the clue to their next country. I’m guessing it’s either Hungary or Italy. Damn, and they haven’t even seen the inside of an airport yet.

Back in the race, Alon and Oren are team number 1 and Oren jokes about coming out of the reality TV closet. Back at the cranes, Tom and Adele get lowered while Alona swings aimlessly nearby and Tom comments on the fatty swinging on the rope. Hey Tom, that’s only funny when you do it to your own partner; see TAR USA, Season 1, Leg 1, Kevin and Drew (swing you fat bastard!) Anakiva beat Tom and Adele to the ground and get the clue in second. They quickly get on brainfarting down the road as Anael wonders what the clue means by “cage” (maybe she didn’t notice the big ole box on the dash) and Tom and Adele have a funny exchange where neither of them have a clue what “south to the Negev” means and Tom tells Adele to slow down (re: stop yelling) and she repeats the clue very slowly as if he’s retarded and it’s pretty funny. But then it devolves into utter stupidity as Tom argues about the tone of Adele’s reading skills. Oh dear. And we’re only like ten minutes into the race. This is going to be a long one, folks.

Back at the cranes, Tal and Mor get their key with much screaming and the Yemenites get theirs with less celebration. Carmit comments on the buff chicks and on Mama Tal’s body and Alona and Gadi concur. Kickboxer seems to be draping the draping the rope around his wife’s neck. Pundak and Moti, Bakers, and Firass/Shira are untied and climbing now. Pundak takes a tumble off the rope and Shira channels her inner Cruella De Vil encouraging him to fall. What a ray of sunshine, that Shira.

On the road, Tom and Adele spot the sign for Rukhama and Tom sings to drown out Adele’s yammering. They are following a car who turns out to be the brothers. They agree to look for the wheat field together.

Nitzan yells at Fifi to hurry up on the ladder. Carmit gets onto her platform. Mom/Daughter and Not Romeo and Juliet are being lowered and in an odd montage, all of these teams plus Alon/Hen and the dudes get on the road. Shira thinks that since her boyfriend is Arab he knows all the Arab towns around Nahal Shikma. Cut to said Arab boyfriend in the backseat, rolling his eyes. Teehee. They play some kind of stupid car game where FIrass lauds Shira zzzzzzzzz. In Team Burekas’s car, Fifi is freaking out once again about her worst nightmare, driving through Arab villages, and Nitzan offers to drive. She declines.

Bar and Inna appear to be the only team still doing the ropes and Inna is doing some sort of pointless arm-binding. Alona and Gadi are still on the ladders and it’s not looking good for them. Alona says she’s seizing up. Bar and Inna shimmy up the ladders and the Yemenites (who apparently didn’t leave in the big montage earlier, much to my surprise) get lowered and comment that Cleopatra (Alona) is having problems. Oy vey, no love for Alona. On the road, Carmit comments that she’s going to drive like a bandit, and Anakiva are singing like they’re at Jewish day camp. Akiva spots the green tractor which marks the clue and Anael concurs and they bounce

Brothers and Tom/Adele see flags, park, and run to the clue, whereas Anakiva appear to park right there.

Brothers get the clue first, rip and read. Ron explains the clue and Oren commands the choir to start singing and on cue, they start. Anakiva get the clue and she comments on how cute they all look in white and compares it to Shavuot (as you do). For reference, I understand the songs but as a non-Israeli, have no clue about their connection to color. So I would not be leaving the country. Let’s hope these guys know something I don’t.

The first lyric is about the ground, and Tom assumes brown (nope!) and then blue, for the sky and the Israeli flag, Adele adds (wrong!) Anael and Akiva are rockin’ out, oddly enough, and Oren demands quiet – and it pays off, since he gets the first color, which is red, due to a lyric about Mt. Gilboa, which has a red top, apparently. Either way, he gets a “correct.” Alon comments that it could be just about anything that it could be anything and Oren shushes him so Adele and Tom won’t hear them, and of course they hear him and get the red clue.

Elsewhere, the Yemenite ladies disturb some old guys in a park and guilt trip them into helping them (we’re in a race and we’re old ladies!) Inna and Bar are in the middle of nowhere and happen on an abandoned guardpost which frankly looks megasketchy but Inna insists Bar get out and ask someone. There is nobody around. I can see this strategy working well, especially with the ominous music starting to play. For whatever reason, Bar gets out, and for some odd reason, Inna backs the car up STRAIGHT INTO HER PARTNER AND RUNS HER FOOT OVER. 0 for 2, Inna, 0 for 2. Lots of screaming and the camera pans to Bar lying on the ground. Inna screams and Bar tells her to relax, then the pain kicks in and Bar very gracefully cries. If this were China Rush, there’s be a lot of bleeping right now. Inna pops out of the driver’s seat and three men (probably one of them a cameraman/producer) have magically appeared to comfort Bar and asks what happened. Um, didn’t you feel the clunk of your partner being run over, hear the screaming, and see the chick on the ground? DO THE MATH. Bar must be okay, because we see her in a confessional looking alive and well and Inna comments that she got the chills and was stressed out. But enough about me, how’s your severed foot, partner? Inna continues to talk about herself as Bar hauls herself back up and into the car. If I were her I wouldn’t get back into the backseat, but maybe I would if I couldn’t move my foot to the gas. Bar graciously forgives Inna and they get back in the race. Sheesh.

Back at the cranes (hopefully for the final time) Alona finally gets up to the platform and comments that it was like seeing angels at the top of Jacob’s Ladder. I’m beginning to think Alona might see other imaginary creatures too. Gadi is proud of her anyway as she freaks out all the way to the ground and they get the clue in last place. In their car, Alona points out her jungle tights and comments on the fashion choices of the mom and daughter, which are suddenly very important to her. Speaking of mom and daughter, here they are getting out of their car. Tal’s butt hurts. For some reason, I’m not surprised since it’s probably all bone and tissue. Mor voiceovers that her mom is not a dominatrix and then says some sort of analogy I’m not familiar with which concludes with them getting into the car, Mom giving a motivational speech, Mor whining, and Mom calling her daughter a Barbie. That’s right, kick her while she’s down, Mother of the Year. Elsewhere, Nitzan and Fifi are stopped, lost, and silent.

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That took me about five hours (no lie) so I need a break. Back later with more - leave a comment if you like Also, if anyone has any creative team names so I can stop typing full names, post them.

Thanks, georgiapeach! I've been reading this forum for years and only registered today. I don't, unfortunately, have oodles of time to be active in other parts of the forum and lurk all day, but if someone has a question about TARI that I might be able to answer, send them over to me and I could help.

By the way, I currently live in Missouri City, Texas, USA of all places.

Brothers ask Anakiva to partner up and Tom gets in on the action too. Lawyer flaps his arms around and doesn’t get it even though he’s probably the smartest one there, but then approaches Adele and together they figure out the lyric “white butterflies” (ding!) and Alon kisses Adele. Oren then voices over that he and Adele (of all people, who’d have thought?) decided to start singing the rest of the songs out loud, and that helped, and sure enough, he and Adele inter-team and come up with “green night shirt” (ding ding ding) and there is much celebration. Anael praises Allah in what I hope is a joke and tfu tfu tfu’s that she and her partner have this much understanding through the rest of the race as they drive to the balls, whereas brothers and Tom and Adele head out on foot. Anakiva is the first to the field and Anael wards off the evil eye as she starts to look. Not all the balls have numbers. Anael finds a 5, but it’s pink. Zees ees going to take a vile.

Commercials.

Bar/Inna and Moti/Pundak arrive at the tractor and the girls get out to investigate. Bar is, for some reason, in the driver’s seat of the tractor. Well, that’s one way to exact revenge on your teammate. Inna and Moti are now climbing all over the tractor searching for a clue. We now get a segment called “Let’s Watch Inna’s Ass” with special commentary by Moti. Overcompensating, much? A car passes and with the Indian shouting, it’s clearly the ladies. I love it when we can just hear a team go past and identify them without even seeing a strand of hair. Not wanting to lose to two cartoon characters, the youngsters pop back in their cars; Osnat comments that the kids are eating “Yemenite dust” which is true in this case, and the ladies indeed beat them to the clue box. Of course, the ladies are dancing, the dudes are ogling Inna, and Bar is confused, as she relates in a confessional. I hear ya, sister. Inna suggests that it’s a Lior Narkis song, and since Narkis is daffodil in Hebrew, maybe yellow is a color. Nice complex thinking, but a little too far for this one.

Kickboxer and wife emerge at the scene and shake some booty, and the wife must have some modicum of fame because Pundak immediately recognizes her and refers to her by her full name. He and Moti then ask “what’s a fox like her doing with a Popeye like him” and though I’m wondering the same thing, just shut up and race. The dudes then come up with a green tree (?) and the white butterflies clue and then bail on the task in hopes of improvising at the ball field, and therein lies the fail-factor of the challenge planning. I knew some team would find a loophole.

Ball field. Anael finds a green as dudes arrive. Anakiva then find all the balls and start decoding, and get confused over whether it’s a 9 or a 6 on the green ball – I saw that coming in the preview, which showed the combo (367) hey producers, throw them a bone by at least underlining the six? Bastards. They get it anyway and get the clue. Akiva opens it, gets the tickets (itinerary?) and reveals that location number one is Budapest, Hungary. CALLED IT. Ron then introduces us to the airport and Budapest and recaps the whole “only ten teams will make it” dealio. Anakiva celebrates their win by singing, of course, which they apparently didn’t get enough of in the task, and they praise God once again, as you do.

Still on the road: Not Romeo and Juliet, Tal/Mor, and Bettie who calls her partner an alligator instead of a navigator. Tom/Adele and Bros head to the ball field. Osnat comes up with white night (?) and struggle to find the next color. Apparently, the brothers have gone in a circle because now they’re back at the singers and see the other teams working on the colors still. Alon spots the Yemenites sitting on the ground and call them over to their car. The ladies get in and the brothers give them the green clue. Alon kisses Osnat who practically molests both of them and they merrily head off to the ball field together. The brothers confessionalize that they are interested in helping out the “weaker” teams, a classic strategy which we don’t see too much of. Tom/Adele, bros, and Yemenites get to the field. Tom and Carmit find reds. And here come the dudes, who have a “genius” strategy of playing dumb so that “idiot” Tom will reveal their missing color. Or they could just ask. They think they’re so clever. I’m so over you already. Both teams find all the balls and head to their cars. Tom and Adele are now arguing about whether it’s a 7 or a 1 and MY GOD JUST OPEN THE DAMN CAGE BEFORE THE DOUCHEBAGS. They get it eventually and both teams head to Ben Gurion airport.

Speaking of the airport, here we are. Planes, Ron, driving, and congrats Anakiva, you’re team number one and they shriek. Anael interviews that it wasn’t easy but they’re here and they can’t believe it. Just get on the damn first flight.

Back on the road, Bettie Page proposes marriage to Gadi. Of course, this is exactly what you should be thinking about when you’re in last on Leg 1. Facepalm. And they are totally lost, finding a blue tractor and some Bedouins smoking hookahs. Nitzan and Fifi? Also lost.At the choir, Bar and Inna notice the clothing colors (like I did) and head out as the choir laughs at them. As they drive away, they figure out the green shirt lyric and guess that it’s either red or orange as the last color, and Hen, back at the choir, figures out the white butterflies and they go. Both teams appear at the ball field and the brothers notice they’ve arrived and get disappointed in their luck as Inna immediately finds a red ball and Alon/Hen magically find all the balls within seconds and run back to their car and head out. The brothers bicker as Carmit finds the red ball for her team and stuffs it in her bra and the ladies decide to repay and help the brothers look for their balls. All they need is a green, fortunately. Meanwhile, Inna finds her last ball and she and Bar are off. They comment that they are glad the tickets are finally in their hands and Inna calls her partner Barbie, which is a nickname that’s both functional and funny. Hee. The brothers yell at the ladies to help them (kinda rudely) and Osnat says that they won’t leave them, which is nice of her. They have no clue why the ladies are staying to help them, but neither anywhere near last at this point so they can afford the time.

Dudes and Tom/Adele get to the airport in 2nd/3rd respectively and unsurprisingly. They get tickets on the first flight.

Tal/Mor, Burekas, and Not Romeo and Juliet are at the choir. For some reason, Not Romeo and Juliet leave for no reason (maybe they were just quiet for once?) and Fifi figures out the white butterflies clue and shares it with Mama and Daughter. Mor suggests green, Tal says no, but then changes her mind and they all leave just as Alona/Gadi arrive.

Field. Carmit finds a green for the brothers finally. Maybe the old ladies ain’t as weak as you thought, are they now? Osnat points out the irony of them finding the green that the brothers helped them find earlier with the clue. Heh. Just get in the car and go. The ladies cheer for Hungary and Shira sourpusses that the “reds” (ladies with red shirts, mayhap) can’t beat them. Oh the humanity.

Cut to the choir, and Bettie is babbling once again about her stupid tiger tights. The choir laughs AT her, not with her. To their credit, the musicians manage to figure the red and green out quickly and we cut to Shira wandering around the ball field. They and the bakers get the clue and head to the airport. Mom/Daughter are behind them and fretting, and Shira demonstrates her Hungarian skills by saying “I love you” to her partner in Hungarian, aided helpfully by the subtitles.

Airport. Hen and Alon, you are team number four and on the first flight. Brothers, you are team number five and last on the first flight. Their first comment? “Shit.” Annnnd here come the Yemenites, playing on a luggage cart and singing when they should be running. They greet Ron and find out they are on the second flight (apparently) in sixth place. For some reason, Ron asks them if they don’t want to go, but Osnat theorizes that they’ll always love Israel, but peace out. She then lists all the famous people that have come from her town and more celebrating. Night falls, and Bar/Inna arrive in seventh. Inna immediately breaks down in tears and Bar comforts her by saying “as long as I have hands to draw with, my legs aren’t critical.” WTF? I hope she didn’t mean that.

Back at the field, the lollygaggers look for balls. Alona calls Gadi Pinocchio. Sunset comes, and it’s Mor’s hot pink fingernails that find their third ball and open the lock. Bettie/Pinocchio break out the headlamps and Bettie finds a white ball and declares herself and Gadi “back in the game.” Whatever, crazy tiger lady. At the airport, Not Romeo and Juliet come in 8th and Burekas in 9th.

Two teams left but only one set of seats. Bettie stays positive and declares that she’s not giving up hope for a minute. Tal passes an airport sign, again ignoring her daughter. Mor interviews that she is not going home. Well, back to her mom’s house, anyway. Bettie sings. Mor bitches. Cars arrive. Ron checks his watch, like he’s got a date.

Commercials.

Bells, and Rocky music. Annnnnndddd…Tal and Mor, you’re team number ten and live to race another day in your neon bras. Ron welcomes them to the race and Mor says they’re only going up from here.

Bettie and Pinocchio trudge into Ben Gurion airport, and he hands over the clue, nervously. Tension. Kiss. Elimination. Gadi says “it is what it is,” and they exit with some dignity. They say nice things about each other, Gadi stays married, and Alona stays delusional and hoping that his wife realizes how lucky she is.

Next week: Budapest! Hungary! Struggling with street names! Eating the spicy soup that made Freddy and Kendra vomit back in season 6! Anael is scared of a cute little pig but I think she’s more scared of possibly having to eat it.

Ron tells us a bit about Hungary, then we see the first five teams on spoonfed flight 1: Anakiva, Bros, Dudes, Tom/Adele, and Alon/Hen. Teams get into cars en route Pilisvorosvar, where they will eat goulash. Delicious. Anael wishes a good morning to Hungary as her partner prays in the car and voices over “we’re not the best team, but we’re trying to live the best life.” Fair enough. Akiva uses his tzitzit (ritual fringed garment) to measure distance on the map and that is pretty freakin’ cool. The brothers have Post-Its on their windshield and are arguing again. Tom/Adele noisily pass up Alon/Hen, and they trash talk with Tom saying that Alon can’t drive and apparently Alon pointing out that Tom doesn’t speak English. Adele baby-talks Pilisvorosvar and mispronounces stuff and Tom starts singing “Besame” and I really hope this whole series doesn’t evolve into the Adele Learns to Read show because that would be super boring. Moti honks his way around asking half the population of Hungary where to go and calling everyone “the man.” For some reason, we hear “The Nutcracker” as Hen and Alon ask gas station people and Tom and Adele join them. Tom wants to buy porn at the gas station. Hee.

We see signs for Pilisvorosvar and Moti/Pundak talk about hot Hungarian chicks and talk about who’s got more game, but they and and Anakiva make it to the restaurant in first/second. Ron explains the task, which is to eat the spicy soup together with only one glass of water between them. Ouch. Moti/Pundak act dopey as Anael hugs a local. Moti reasons that this will be easy for the Yemenites since they are used to spicy food and asks for some chilba, and Anael begs for less soup. Moti talks about it being like when you get a pot of soup and dump it all out, and I have a feeling he might be pouring some out but not with a spoon. Moti feeds Pundak with a tiny baby spoon and it reminds me of when Joey feeds Jesse baby food on an early Full House episode and Jesse looks horrified. Moti says it’s not that spicy – oh wait. They ask for some lip gloss, randomly, and then Pundak returns the favor. Locals clap and Pundak calls Moti a little girl. Anakiva bless the food and start feeding each other the soup, which I guess is part of the terms of the challenge. They talk about this not being for Ashkenazim and Anael begs to open a window as we go to commercial.

Back on the road, Tom/Adele are lost. Alon/Hen get to the restaurant in third. Moti starts a “full full full” cheer for Alon. Chug-a-lug, indeed. Hen is wiping her eyes already and declares that she’s steaming up as her boyfriend shovels six spoonfuls in her mouth one after the other and Moti/Pundak look on in admiration. Hen admits that yes, she’s a model, but she doesn’t know how to make herself throw up. You’ve got time, honey. Anael cheers on Akiva as the second flight comes in with Yemenites, Firashira, Tal/Mor, Burekas, and Barbies. Tal looks up the restaurant and says it’s not in Lonely Planet, and Bar/Inna talk about how smart they are. Shira is complaining as usual. Osnat and Carmit declare that they’re in the zone. Tal/Mor in their Rainbow Brite hats (of course – hey, we got a nickname!) find a blonde in a local gas station who’s going in the same direction and Mor arranges for a follow. Tal comments that it’s the blond leading the blond (eh, that’s about as good as we’ll get from her). I must say that Mor’s got a pretty good command of English from this scene, so maybe Tal should listen to her daughter. Blondie gives them a little tour as we return to the restaurant where the bros and Tom/Adele arrive and the locals chant at the brothers who gear up to eat. Adele claims allergy but it’s Tom who seems to be more in pain. Moti and Pundak finish first with Anakiva on their tails, and everyone cheers and the locals chant Moti. Moti says he’ll call them. I bet he’s not gonna.

Clue time! Teams must go to Pusslaci and catch 2 pigs. And in an even odder twist, it’s time for a U-Turn, and apparently teams get to vote for who they want to U-Turn. It’s just like voting for Prom Queen! The Dudes pick Alon/Hen (who finish and head outside to return the favor) and Anakiva admits that they are picking the Rainbow Brites because they are scared and possibly turned on by their muscles. In the Rainbow car, Tal is guruing, and Shira sees a sign and cheers in her car. Yemenites comment on the scenery, and Bar and Inna are OUT OF GAS. And conveniently, in front of the bakers too. Nitzan giggles as Bar and Inna rock the car. Inna almost gets hit by a car as she flops out for help and they chit chat with the bakers and Bar/Inna comment on the bakers’ relationship.

Puss Laci. Moti/Pundak ride in in first as Moti makes pig sounds. Anakiva are right behind and both teams suit up. Pundak and Akiva jump into the mud first and Pundak has a Western standoff while Anael flips out in her floral skirt as Akiva runs after the pig. Moti taunts his partner that Adele’s more of a man than he. Cut to Adele crying so hard her mascara runs.

Restaurant. Rainbows sing our first Hava Nagila of the race. As they praise their blonde leader (hee) she tells them that she was Miss Hungary. Whoa, I guess they picked the right local then! She gives a pageant wave to the Rainbows as she drives off to be an ex-beauty queen in a tracksuit and the Rainbows comment on her ambassadoring skills while they do the restaurant rip-n-read. Tal and Mor introduce themselves as the locals cheer and the bros finish. They vote Alon/Hen for prom queen due to Alon’s strength and navigating skills (apparently) so that’s 2 for Kickboxer/Wife. Firashira arrive at the restaurant and Shira is freaking out already, predictably, and Firass, for once, takes charge, much to surprise of both me and Tom/Adele who look on in shock. Tom suggests he and Adele bless the food to make it go down easier and has Adele repeat the blessing “once more with feeling.” Hee. Tom serenades Adele and gies with a necklace of peppers as she finishes and Alon/Hen get their third vote for Prom Queen.

Alon/Hen arrive at the pigs and within seconds Alon has one so maybe the other teams do have the right idea. Pundak gets a pig and if you blink, you miss Hen getting her pig which practically jumps into her arms. Moti jumps in the mud and mugs for the crowd, of course, and Pundak declares his partner smarter than a baby pig. Hee. Alon/Hen get their clue in second and it’s the first Detour of the season after what seems like an eternity already – Circus or Waltz. In Circus, teams must do a circus training, and in Waltz, teams must earn at least 21 points, as Ron explains while dancing with a pretty local. Both choose waltz as Akiva tackles the pig. Anael attempts to calm herself by telling the pig she will not eat it since she is a Jew but she is too scared to even touch it. Anael responds by throwing up into the mud which will add a fun, new element to this challenge for his girlfriend! Cut to Shira doing the same at the restaurant.

The Yemenites arrive at the restaurant and Carmit’s pants keep falling down. Shira comments that they need to hurry and beat the Yemenites who will love the spicy soup. They sing and enjoy their soup, downing it like the spicy food champs they are, and they comment that it’s not spicy at all! God love ‘em. Shira asks her partner if they’re Yemenites or Iraqis for some odd reason, and vomits again and they’re out of water. The ladies look over at Firashira dubiously and they do not care for them. Mor comments that each spoonful is one spoonful closer to the million and with that, Osnat and Carmit are done and officially rocket their way up to sixth, with a half cup of water to spare. Not so weak now, Alon and Oren? Rainbows are done too and both teams exit the restaurant. The Yemenites vote for Firass and Shira and my love for them increases and Tal/Mor choose the dudes.

Speaking of the dudes, they and Alon/Hen arrive at the Waltz detour; Hen applies makeup and puts on a dress and the guys put on tuxes. Moti molests a local and declares that all the girls in Israel will be jealous bleaaaaaaaaargh. Less douching, more dancing. Moti asks the sexy instructor to find him on Facebook. Hen loves to dance and Moti/Pundak flirt more. Back at the pigs, Anael is crying hysterically and is scared but finally does it, afterwards going “ick ick ick.” As we go to commercial.

We’re back, and it’s Anael’s turn to jump into the pigpen. Tom/Adele and the brothers arrive and Adele and Oren hop into the mud for their teams. Oren catches his pig while trying to insist that they’re on the same team. Anael finally catches a black pig after Akiva tells her to be a champ like Kill Bill and as Akiva carries the pig away, he proclaims him untasty. Heh. Anakiva wash their hands vigorously and head out. Alon catches a pig. Tom and Adele bicker until she catches one. Brothers get the clue and Tom handles the pig like a soccer ball and they’re off too. Tom and Adele have no idea what a waltz is (?) so they pick circus, and joke around with the brothers, who will waltz.

At the music hall, Moti and Pundak do the waltz and Moti comments on the gay judge in the middle with the black fur coat. Said gay judge doesn’t appreciate this unspoken comment. Hen and Alon dance, and she tells us her dream of being on Dancing with the Stars. I was waiting for that. Gay judge Simon Cowells the kickboxer and wife and tells them to come back. What is this, auditions for the talent show? Just give them the damn clue. Moti rates himself as a 12. Gay judge gives them a 1, and they get a 12 total, and this is boring. OH MY GOD THIS LEG IS TAKING FOREVER.

Anael and Akiva arrive at the circus and get made up to do the balancing activities. Anael, it should be said, makes for an incredibly cute clown. They quickly decide they made a mistake and switch. Firass/Shira finish their soup and vote for Burekas because they know they’re in front of them, and said team along with Bar/Inna finally make it to the soup and start eating. Burekas make quick work of it as do Bar/Inna. Burekas choose Firass/Shira and Bar/Inna cast the 4th vote for Kickboxer and Wife, and so I guess Hen is dressed appropriately to receive the Prom Queen tiara. Akiva and Anael arrive at the waltz and Moti/Pundak try again. It’s still dopey but the judges pass them. The instructor asks for a picture with Moti and more mugging and Facebook and blah. They arrive at the U-Turn board and find out that Alon/Hen and the Rainbows voted for they but they are safe. Rainbows get to the pigs having made up some time and Mama gets hers. Mor compares it to picking up stray cats. Yemenites arrive as well and Carmit jumps into the pen. Osnat tells her to think that the pigs are Moroccans. Hee. Mor jumps in as Mom gurus and gets one after a bit of a struggle. They finish and choose Waltz.

Back at the dance hall, Anakiva impress the judges on their first try. They give the judges a crash course in being Jewish and score a perfect 21, boosting them the 2nd. They are not U-turned. Firass/Shira arrive at the pigs, and Firass gets one quickly and Shira screams loud enough for the both of them. Carmit? No such luck. Shira gets THROWN into the mud by her partner, who I suspect has been wanting to do that for a while now, and she tearfully approaches the pigs. Firass tells Shira the pigs are more scared of her, and she stands there and sulks like the Flo she is. Carmit finally has success, as Osnat jumps in and does the pen and has no trouble at all catching the pig. They choose Waltz. Firass and Shira bicker and Shira just stands there. DO SOMETHING. Shira finally gets the pig and cries some more. They also choose waltz. The brothers arrive at the waltz and Alon/Hen? Still there. Tom/Adele arrive and seem to dance well. The brothers seem to have rhythm and fun as they perform. Adele does somersaults and the judges are impressed. She finishes with a split. Both teams finish, as do Alon/Hen. U-Turn board! Brothers strategy seems to work as they are safe as well as Tom/Adele. Hen/Alon hope against hope in their cab as we go to commercial.

Back, and at the dance hall. Rainbows dance and Tal comments she doesn’t even own a pair of heels. Yemenites do some Yemenite dancing and confess that they’re not that refined. Firass/Shira appear, and gay judge hates them. Gay judge loves the Yemenites and gives them a ten, and the judges actually get up and dance around the room with the ladies, Yemenite-style, as Shira watches and calls them crazy. Crazy, maybe; but better than you? Any day. After an eternity with the judges, they and the Rainbows leave. Firass and Shira get their clue and leave as well.

Teams must now go to Buda Square and do a silly Double Dare-esque task involving the Hungarian Soda Siphon. Who would’ve thought?

The first four teams (Dudes, Anakiva, Tom/Adele, Brothers) get the Buda clue. The dudes grab a cab and talk about how they have to win first. Anael talks about miracles. Tom/Adele appear to be on a bus as are the brothers, and Tom has no clue what a syphon is. Tom not knowing things seems to be coming up a lot.

Hen/Alon? Not so lucky. U-Turned. Hen turns to the camera and announces that to the brothers, dudes, Rainbows, and Tom/Adele this means business, but after than murmurs of disappointment they appear at the Circus detour. Hen has no clue what to do and Alon says it’s harder than it looks.

Buda Square. Dudes arrive and of course Moti is the sprayer and Pundak has the cup on his head. Within seconds Pundak is soaked in purple. Anakiva arrive and Anael seems to get a pretty good strategy going with quick spurts instead of letting the soda fly everywhere. Akiva does pushups for some stupid reason. Brothers arrive and after much bickering, Alon takes off his shirt and Oren sprays the cherry soda. Oren takes a break to drink soda while Alon yells at him. They seem to have made some progress by the time Tom/Adele arrive and joke with them as Tom strips down and Adele sprays him with orange soda.

Circus. Hen is doing the wire walk and if she’s really a model she should be pretty good at this. A few steps in, she falls, but she’s fine. She remarks that it’s tough and she wants to lay down but she has to do it. A kiss and she gets back up.

Pigpen. Nitzan catches a pig and Fifi freaks out only a little. Bar and Inna? Still on their way. They turn into the farm and seem excited for the task and joke about being in last. They arrive and Bar jumps in just as Fifi catches her pig. They rip and read, picking circus, officially second to last as of now. Fifi is mystified that the circus is not at the farm. Yes, because in Israel, all circuses are at farms! The hell, Fifi?

Back on the farm, Inna transports the pig Bar caught and runs around the mud in circles. Bar says animals make her laugh, ever since she was a little girl. Inna runs around the pigs and Bar is about dead from laughing. They laugh their way over to get the clue and opt for Circus.

Outside the dance hall (I suppose), Yemenites, Rainbow Brites, and Not Romeo and Juliet look for cabs. A cool old car passes by. They all get cabs and Mor is stressed out as usual. Osnat and Carmit humorously debate whether they could’ve done the circus or not, over a montage of Hen failing at said task.

Buda Square. Teams are spraying and drinking. Pundak tells Akiva to start praying. Brothers look to be almost done. All four teams finish at roughly the same time and rip and read. Ron explains that teams must now go to Astra Film Studios and that in the style of famous Hungarian escape artist Harry Houdini, must do so in straitjackets. I don’t think that hailing taxis and gallivanting around Budapest is quite what Houdini did in a straitjacket, but what the hell, these teams have already done a leg full of idiotic tasks, what’s one more. Moti gets suited up, and I am thrilled. Anael is holding stuff in her mouth as her partner gets suited up. All the teams (except Tom/Adele for some reason) hop off into oncoming traffic. Good luck with that, folks? The brothers show their smarts by asking an exiting passenger to hold the door, and they get in.

Circus. The two last teams arrive and have fun getting dressed. Hen? Still on the wire, fourth try, and…kaboom. Bar/Inna see this and it looks hard. Inna tries the barrel balancing and not only falls over but knocks her clown off too. Nitzan comments on how it’s not at all like making burekas. I would agree. Inna seems to be getting the barrel pretty well and Bar falls off the wire. Nitzan introduces Fifi on the high wire, maybe that’ll give her some motivation. And…nope. Hen weeps and says there are some things she just can’t do. Bakers are disheartened, and Fifi says she’d like to see him try it. To his credit, fat ole Nitzan does a little better than she did. Rainbow Brites arrive at the U-Turn board in 5th and celebrate by dancing and singing, as do the Yemenites in 6th. Apparently, the board is close enough to the circus tent that Hen can hear it as she contemplates what an idiotic clown she is. Fifth try, and close but no cigar. Firass/Shira arrive at the U-Turn board in 7th and get the clue after a terribly awkward kiss with a close-up of Shira’s bitchface. Even while kissing? Yeech. Back at the circus, Nitzan fails, a blondie fails, and with six tries for Hen, she becomes the first racer to complete this task with much cheering. She gets some love from the clowns and her husband and they are now in 8th.

Buda Square. Anael stops a local who helps them, much to the dudes’ shock. They do the same and both get cabs. In the Anakiva cab, not only are they crazy foreigners, but now they are crazy singing foreigners. I don’t recall this much car singing in any other episode of TAR. And this can’t look too good to the driver.

Astra Film Studios. The brothers arrive and de-jacket and get the roadblock clue. One team member will be locked onto a grate and have to unlock his/herself while entirely underwater. Seems a bit difficult for the first roadblock of the race – anyone remember the “climb the Eiffel tower roadblock?” or the “eat some chocolate” roadblock? Oy. Alon is already sticky from the soda so he volunteers to take it, mostly so he can wash off. I suspect this to become a trend. Alon is appropriately scared and Oren comments that Houdini died this way. Way to comfort your teammate, Oren! Commercials.

Back from commercials, dudes and Anakiva arrive at Astra. Rip and read. Moti will do it (maybe this will shut him up) as well as Akiva, who also reasons that Houdini died this way. Alon is still struggling as Moti gets suited up. I suppose the dark atmosphere isn’t helping either. All three men get lowered. Alon has visions of ambulances. Moti seems to be mostly above water. Akiva, however is almost under – maybe this challenge has a disadvantage for the shorter people, since Alon doesn’t seem to be nearly as far down as Akiva even though he started way earlier, unless they’re mixing shots. Someone yells stop and they all come up. I’m not getting something here.

Tom/Adele apparently aren’t finished. Adele is shivering on the ground. Out of nowhere, Hen/Alon appear as if they were never U-turned. Amazing luck on their part, or three massive fails by Brites/Yemenites/NRJ. Yemenites are present as well, and note Hen/Alon catching up and are rightfully both puzzled and threatened by this. Alon for some reason is now pantsless as Hen squirts green soda at him, and Carmit is catching green soda for her team. Soaked within minutes, both ladies are laughing and getting crazy looks from onlookers. Nonetheless, they seem to be excelling and pass up both younger teams, who all complete it to go get their jackets. Yemenites are tickled, of course, and they’re also in fourth, so good on them for being the first to catch up to the first-flighters! Osnat dances around moaning like the crazy old lady she is, and Tom/Adele get a taxi. Carmit tells the man wrapping her to leave room for her rack, which she cannot get out without laughing. In the Tom/Adele taxi, the driver has no clue where to go and in an unintentionally humorous move, Adele puts her mouth to her partner’s crotch to pick up the clue and give it to the driver. That’s one way to get into an interesting car accident in Budapest.

Houdini tanks. Everyone’s on their second try, and Alon fails. Akiva asks God to open his lock, and click, it opens. This is also the first thing he reports to Anael upon surfacing. Miracles truly do exist! Never mind that your partner almost drowned! Moti gets it in second, without asking God’s help. More mugging as both teams get their next clue and a Rubik’s cube to solve with a picture of the Pit Stop on it. FINALLY. They get cabs and struggle with the cube. Pundak comments that even though they want it, Anakiva are probably smarter and will get it.

Cabs with crazies. Tom/Adele’s driver gets a little worried that he might be transporting some convicts, so he calls his boss and Tom explains the whole “Israeli TV show” deal to him and tries to convince their driver that he and his girlfriend aren’t crazy. The complete opposite is happening in the Yemenite cab as Osnat is raving away like a lunatic going “I am crazy I am crazy I am crazy yaaaa!” It’s cute, but methinks the lady hath drunken too much soda. She then tries to eat Carmit’s shoulder and whips her hair back and forth. She is taking this jacket waaay too seriously. I hope she doesn’t do the roadblock, maybe she’ll turn into The Little Mermaid and start singing underwater. That would be bad.

Circus, eighty try. Inna takes a serious tumble. The girls comment that Nitzan’s actually doing pretty well. He gets it, and they are not pleased. Fifi bounces into her partner’s arms, barrels through the barrel balance and they leave the ladies in last and are directed to Buda square instead of the U-Turn board, for some reason. Bar goes up and down and up and down and gets it on her zillionth try. They get a second wind and Inna powers through the barrel. They leave.

City streets. Mama is motivating Daughter as they run. Firass/Shira arrive. Mor and Shira position themselves to receive the tossed soda, and Tal finishes her first spray bottle so she has to drink a cup of soda. It looks kind of nasty, but it’s just soda. Mom remarks that it looks like chemical infused nuclear waste, which is actually probably accurate, and downs it before slamming the cup on the ground in anger. Uh-oh. Mor freaks out a little bit as her mom looks like she’s about to pass out and probably being overdramatic when she says she needs to vomit. She demands quiet. Shira, in her first compassionate confessional on the race, notes that Mom looks really sick and Mor is in tears. Tal vomits up the soda and Mor wants to quit, because she doesn’t want her mom throwing up anymore. Aww. Mom fights through the soda of doom to spray some more at her daughter and I don’t know who to feel more sorry for. Burekas arrive, and riding high, Nitzan feels as graceful as a swan, which is cute. Nitzan sprays Fifi with purple soda and calls the siphon a “Cyclops.” Hee. Unlike Tal, Nitzan joyfully downs the toxic waste as Mom and Daughter suffer more. All three teams finish at the same time and suit up in straitjackets. Fifi searches for an English word to describe it, and “location” is not that word.

Pit stop. Ron. Chick in a bikini who’s probably freezing her buttocks off. Dudes ask locals for help while Anael struggles in a cab that’s zooming along the road to nowhere. The guys give their cube to a guy in a bakery who tells them to go away, and they look to be in danger of getting Andy/Tommy’d. Anakiva pray together and once again God answers and Anael solves the puzzle and they appear to be right at the pit stop. The dudes resurface with a solved cube and arrive at the baths as well. Anael starts to freak out that she might have to take her clothes off, but to her credit she does so while running with her partner, and after three episodes, we have our first leg winners. They flip out, probably because this leg’s been so damn long. Moti and Pundak are team number two and pretty damn disappointed for doing so well. Moti of course has to waltz with the poor chilly greeter. Commercial.

Back at Buda Square, Inna is flat on her stomach as Bar sprays her with green soda. Just when all hope seems lost, hilariously, a violin trio comes up and starts playing music around Inna as she says “what do I need this for?” Tears turn to laughter and Bar completely loses it as they play Hava Nagila. Inna kindly requests they go elsewhere, as we go elsewhere.

Astra. Hen/Alon arrive and within seconds, Alon’s stripped down to a speedo to enter the tank. My biggest nightmare has come true: both Alons, same task, same time. At least at the present time, neither are succeeding. A lock opens and it’s Kickboxer Alon, who screams at getting it so quickly, and he and wife are off in third. Gay Alon fails for the third time and starts to cry. Gay Alon gets unlocked to go outside and warm up. Oren swaddles and cuddles his brother in like a million towels and I can see how much this sucks, going from a definitive first to a fourth after a team which has been U-Turned already. Someone else has arrived and I think it’s the Yemenites but I’m not sure as the brothers go back inside. Alon counts keys this time and 12 is the magic number. He gets it and they’re off. Both Tom/Adele and the Yemenites arrive.

In their crazy cab, Tal and Mor loosen up and rock out. Inna and Bar hail cabs with their legs, and Firass/Shira’s cabbie has taken them into what looks like a junkyard, complete with howling dogs, and they’re scared. Shira yells and the driver angrily stops the cab and exits with no reason. Firass wants to get out too and Shira does not. Neither has a clue what’s going on. In the Kickboxer/Wife cab, no progress on the cube. In the brothers cab, Oren is trying to tackle the cube while Alon looks on. Oren remarks he doesn’t like the cube and his brother comments that he doesn’t like being chained underwater. Touche. Both teams get it, get out, and start running to the baths. Welcome brothers, you’re team three, which makes Hen/Alon team four. Hen comments that they really are in this for the big time, having been tied for last and now in fourth.

Tanks. Osnat is suited up and dancing on the platform (I can see she’s done this before) and Adele climbs the ladder in her bikini. Osnat starts and the first think she does is note the temperature of the water and declare that someone peed in it. Eew. I think that was Kickboxer’s tank. Eew, Kickboxer Pee! Would’ve been funnier if it was Fifi’s pee as they sometimes call her Pipi. And this is all coming from the oldest team. Rainbow Brites are outside the studio as are Burekas and sadly, Pipi will not get a chance to pee as Nitzan takes it for their team, as does Tal. Adele is completely submerged, as was the point of the exercise, while Osnat looks like she’s taking a bath in her pee-water. Tal is having trouble seeing. Adele, completely underwater, gets her lock, shockingly. Instead of celebrating, Tom and Adele completely give the task the Whatevia treatment because Adele was able to do it in like four seconds. Tom declares that pulling a rabbit out of a hat, now that’s magic. Magic won’t help them, however, stop bickering over their cube. Back inside, Tal isn’t even sticking her head underwater and demands to be pulled up. Nitzan, though he feels like Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic, must be pulled up as well. Someone opens a lock and it must be Osnat, who triumphantly “ai-yi-yi”s as she exits her pee-water after only one try. Carmit gets the cube and they leave in sixth.

Outside, Tom can’t get it, and Adele breaks down in tears as Tom dismisses the task as crazy, “I’m a soccer goalie, I don’t do this.” Yeah, and your partner’s not exactly a professional escape artist in her daily life, JACKASS. Yemenites run by and offer encouragement to a weeping Adele and frustrated Tom by admitting they don’t know how to solve it either. Osnat peers into Tom/Adele’s cab window and tells Adele to stop crying and Tom to stop acting crazy. The ladies, in a confessional, state that they sometimes have to be the big girls since they are the oldest ladies, and they couldn’t leave the poor girl crying and they need to set a good example for the younger teams. You could argue that they should just let this obviously strong team self-destruct, but whatever, neither are in danger of being eliminated at the moment. Osnat tells Tom to calm down and Adele to stop crying and then actually PUTS HER HAND OVER TOM’S MOUTH so he’ll get the idea that he should shut up because his partner is melting down and it’s only leg one, and he STILL doesn’t get it, so she must do it twice more until he finally understands that his yelling is making his hard-working girlfriend upset. Another fundamental race difference - could you imagine if this was Charla/Mirna and Colin/Christie? Unbelievable. Power to the ladies for keeping the peace, but you could’ve afforded to let them self-destruct just enough so you could wind up in the top half of the pack. Carmit gets a local in a blue sweater to help them and then directs said local to do the same for Tom/Adele. Come on ladies, it’s a RACE. That means you too, Tom. Commercials.

We’re back, and Firass and Shira are somewhere in Budapest, arguing, still in their straitjackets. Firass wants to break up with Shira. AND THEY’RE STILL RACING AND ONLY IN THE FIRST LEG. Not the time for this conversation. Shira explains that if they go home, they may now be going home separately, as the anti-Chad and Stephanie. OUCH. Cry cry cry. They still love each other and they arrive at the studio. Tal is on her second try as is Nitzan. Firass climbs in, and it’s the FIRST FREAKIN KEY HE TRIES. WHAT. THE. HELL. They leave, and Tal still can’t see the keys. She goes back up as does Nitzan. Tal climbs down from the platform, and how the tables have turned as it’s Daughter of the Year Mor who does an amazingly non-invasive pep talk. She talks about how proud her dad will be and Tal goes up again as Mor calls her mom her queen. Aww.

Baths. Tom/Adele (what the hell?) are in fifth. All that and they don’t even let the nice ladies finish before them. Osnat/Carmit, you’re sixth. Good work ladies, now go sing elsewhere.

Tanks. Tal fails her 4th try as Mor cheers her on from below. Tal feels her soul is dying along with Houdini. This doesn’t look good. She climbs down again to towel off and warm back up. Nitzan fails his fourth as well, and Tal, her fifth. Firass and Shira, you’re team number seven. Fudge. Shira cries. Cry, Shira, cry. Back at the tanks, Tal tries and fails a sixth time, and someone (a producer) ask her if she wants to quit. She wants to do it but she doesn’t think she can, so the girls take the cube and a penalty. This ain’t no China Rush, folks. The girls find a cab and hope that the blondes fail or Nitzan can’t do it. Mor solves the puzzle with ease and gets a “bravo” from Mom as they head to the pit stop. They arrive in 8th, but have an hour penalty to wait out. They understand, move aside, and hope against hope as the blondes are already at the tanks.

35 minutes left for Tal/Mor, and Inna opens her lock. Nitzan? No such luck. Tal and Mor sit in silence with 15 minutes left. Bar solves the puzzle and the girls are off to the pit stop. Nitzan finally gets his lock. Bar/Inna are told that they’re in 9th although Rainbows still have 12 minutes left on their penalty. Fifi struggles with the cube. 7 minutes for the Rainbows. Two ladies help Fifi and with probably less than 5 minutes remaining, Burekas check in and are told that they are last but Tal did not complete the roadblock. They leave, Rainbows are up, and eliminated. Tal takes the spotlight, but tells Ron she has a million-shekel daughter. Aww. I hope she learned to treat her daughter better. In an interesting turn of events, Ron gives them a race scratch-off ticket, and they get 2000 NIS (500 dollars) on the spot. Yay! Well at least they won something. Moving on!

Previously: Hungary. Tonight: More Hungary. And no elimination, because it’s a part 1. Sigh.

Credits.

First team to depart in what looks to be early morning, Anakiva. Rip and read – go to an ice hockey stadium. Anakiva get a cab and re-run how wonderful it will be if they win the race with God’s help. Dudes rip/read in second and ask for help from a local. Of course, it is punctuated by “Moti Lahav, Facebook, don’t forget!” I guess he means all of us. Anakiva, in their cab, talk about what a shame it was they lost the Rainbow Brites and the lawyers “Tzili and Gili” (hee) are still in. Akiva does not approve. He is convinced they don’t blink. I’ll have to take a closer look. Cut to said brothers doing a rip and read and flopping around looking for a cab. Brothers interview about stress and after much cabbie arguing, get inside the cab. Oren whistles and Alon shushes him. Hen/Alon are next up and she takes charge in the cab. Lots of driving and brothers’ cabbie answers the phone. They then discover his porno pinned up to the dashboard and figure it’s like his prayer. Heh.

Flags, and I hear Moti’s annoying voice so I’m guessing the dudes passed Anakiva. And they did. Moti rips and read and Ron explains that one team member will have to score two goals against the kid from Mighty Ducks while the other holds a giant block of ice. Not following the logic, but at least we get a task to watch this early on in the ep, so I’m not complaining. Moti/Pundak suit up – Moti will be doing the hockey and Pundak, the ice. Anakiva arrive and Anael channels her inner Oksana Baiul with a little gray ice-skating skirt and her inner Tonya Harding with a huge mask while Akiva hopes that she channels neither after the task ends. On the ice, Moti looks both European and idiotic with his little pink shorts as he wipes out on the ice. Anael seems to have a bit more control and Akiva is doing squats to keep himself warm under the ice. Brothers arrive and Oren is in the hockey gear. Alon is freezing his balls off, but Oren manages to score his first goal.

Pit-start. Tom/Adel are on their way, and Tom does a little pantomime to determine whether the rink is 13 or 30 minutes away. It’s 13, but it’s also time for the Yemenites to depart in sixth. They dance through the streets and get a cabbie who asks if they’re from Israel. They answer in the affirmative, with Carmit saying (rather facetiously) that she’s a little bit Swedish with the blond hair. She also notes the moody, brooding locals and announces her intentions to spice things up a little. Firashira also pitstart, noting that the only teams they’re ahead of are Bakers and Bar/Inna. Every second counts.

Ice rink. Anakiva’s goalie lets one seemingly slip by to get their first, which looked to me like a soft goalie, but then Anael fires off three rapid shots and he can’t block all of them, so they score their second and Anael celebrating kicking Dude and Bro tushy by attempting to dance on the ice by going around in a little circle. Lovey dovey confessionals. Moti now must showboat by scoring two goals and announcing that he is good at everything, and Pundak confirms our suspicions by saying that Moti lives in a movie. Apparently, today’s feature is Slap Shot. Teams rip and read, and it’s time for a duel. Ron explains that the teams must find a pool of chocolate and fight to get a certain amount of chocolate in a cup. The losers get a penalty and the winners get to do the Prom Queen vote and continue. Akiva comments to Anael that this may involve male-female touching, to which she responds, “Aw, man.” Chocolate wrestling and Moti’s cooties – that would do it for me too. Commercials.

Back, and Bakers and Bar/Inna depart. Anakiva arrives at the u-turn board and vote for Burekas since they’re far behind and they don’t want to make an enemy of a strong team. Dudes do not think the same and once again go after Alon/Hen. Alon/Hen arrive and suit up just as the brothers finish and as they pass, some gentle ribbing ensues. The brothers comment on the hot girl getting suited up for hockey and Hen gives them a verbal middle finger. As she heads out on the ice (and why didn’t they made this a roadblock?) the brothers hit the U-Turn board and it’s no surprise that they choose Alon/Hen, who are, to their credit, quite a strong team. Hen misses the first shot and complains that she can’t do this, but Alon reminds her she said the same thing at the circus and the soup and she did those things, which is true. Elsewhere, Bar/Inna are trying to hold it together in their cab and Nitzan is singing raspily.

Back at the rink, Hen is having little success in the areas of both scoring and figuring out the goalie’s gender. She thinks it’s a girl, while her partner thinks otherwise. Male or female, this goalie’s not going easy on Hen as she fires some great shots and gets denied. Peppy Little Mermaid music plays as Tom/Adele arrive, Adele of course on the ice in a bikini as Tom stumbles along in his uniform. We get treated to some Yemenite-treated theme music as the ladies suit up, with Osnat basically carrying the suited-up Carmit to the ice. Carnival music means it’s time to watch Tom/Adele screw up. Boom goes Tom, as predicted. Hen’s nose itches. Will the excitement never stop? She gets her first legit goal and dances and sings as Alon yells at her, and randomly says “como estas” before shooting her next one in. They get the next clue.

Duel time! Dudes and Anakiva arrive at the same time; men in swimsuits and Anael fully clothed. Moti and Akiva immediately start to wrestle, where I would just scoop the damn chocolate, but it’s TV and the producers probably told them what to do anyway. Anael looks horribly uncomfortable and the dudes say that they love Anakiva but only one team will win. Moti derides Pundak for not wanting to get a face full of chocolate. Oy – if Osnat thought the pee-water was bad, wait until she sees this brown mess she has to swim in. An onlooker cheers, and Moti and Akiva scoop chocolate as their partners yell on. Moti wins in this pointless battle and deliriously thinks that he’s better than Akiva, as if fake chocolate wrestling counts for anything in life. The dudes voice over how it was nice to win but they would’ve rather seen Adele, Bar, and Inna in the chocolate. Rip and read your damn clue. Detour! Movie Star or TV Star. In Movie Star, teams have to dub a movie in Hebrew, whereas at TV Star, teams must give a weather report in Hungarian. Moti/Pundak pick Movie Star. At the U-Turn board, Alon/Hen pay back the dudes.

Back at the rink, Tom goes boom some more. Adele laughs. Tom falls again and claims he can’t do it, yelling at his partner. Adele says to just try it and notes that she’s not yelling. Osnat and Carmit help each other step out onto the ice. Carmit is scared and now Adele has a turn to give her a pep talk, but it doesn’t seem to work and Carmit pouts off as Adele juggles the ice. Tom falls once more and we’re back at the chocolate with Anakiva and the bros and fake Western music. Akiva tackles Oren and Anael screams “shushi,” her pet name for Akiva and the brothers imitate her in a confessional. It’s not the most annoying thing in the world, but eh. Anakiva gets the win and off they go to TV Star.

Ice rink. Carmit is struggling to get on the ice. She is extremely scared and chooses to take an hour penalty. I guess they couldn’t have switched? Firashira get to the rink. Carmit/Osnat act as cheerleaders and Adele comes up with the quick shot strategy for Tom. One gets in, and there is celebrating. A second one goes right through the goalie’s legs, and they are done. Tom wants to hug Adele but she is too cold, alas he cannot. At the U-Turn board, it’s another vote for Hen/Alon, and now we go to the choco-pit where we see the bros and Alon/Hen in swimsuits. They exchange niceties, we jump in, and since Hen is not a religious chick, it’s mano a mano for everyone with Hen shrieking like a girl. I honestly don’t even see the need for contact, but whatevs. Now it’s gay Alon molesting Hen as she tries to fill her cup, whereas Oren is going largely ignored as Hen’s boob pops out of her swimsuit and she goes ballistic. Kickboxer chooses his partner’s dignity over competition and the brothers win this round. They choose TV star. Elsewhere, the dudes are running and before long they arrive at the studio and get their headsets on. They act like a less funny Colin Mochrie and Ryan Stiles as they dub and compare it to Eskimo Limon (an Israeli movie). At the TV studio, Anakiva arrive and start figuring out the Hungarian map. We learn that Akiva’s grandfather is Hungarian. Imagine that. He messes up the pronunciation and she can’t figure out how the stickers work. Again, again.

Ice rink. Firass and Shira see the Yemenites sitting there and note the open window, and the Luck of Firass strikes again, he scores two goals in seconds, and they’re out of there. They further cement themselves on my bad list by voting for the Yemenites for no reason other than the fact that they’re sitting there. Bar/Inna and Burekas arrive together and Inna and Nitzan take the ice. Nitzan falls. Inna falls. A lot of times. Oof. Elsewhere, Adele and Tom are lost, and they make a side trip to get some baked goods along with their directions. Now I’m hungry. They make it to the chocolate pit, and Adele trips and falls on her bottom complete with sound effects before even entering the pit. Oy. They play the clip again and comment on it and ADELE FALL DOWN GO BOOM IT WAS FUNNY WE GET IT. All four uncomfortably get in the pool. It goes relatively quickly as Adele/Tom/Alon sissyfoot around while Hen slips by unnoticed to fill up her team’s cup. This is seemingly a common occurrence. They opt for TV star while Moti/Pundak are repeating the Movie Star task. They are done, and it’s time for U-Turn Board, Part 2: The Reveal. But Yemenites, Bar/Inna, and Bakers haven’t even voted yet??? Lots of mugging and hugging and at the TV task, Anakiva are done. At the rink, Yemenites are done their penalty and choose to U-turn Tom/Adel. They head off to fight said team in the chocolate as we head off to commercial.

Back, and at the ice rink with the bakers. Nitzan can’t get a goal but at least he’s managing to stay upright, which can’t be said for everyone, Soccer Goalie Tom. Fifi’s struggling with the ice. Fifi starts to crying and Nitzan tells her to shut up, but she argues back that sometimes you need to cry in order to grow and get stronger. I would agree with that; crying seems to be Fifi’s way of dealing with the pain, which is normal, and we can see that Nitzan is trying hard to understand her, and she’s trying hard to understand him, and they seem to both be showing some human soul here, so hockey goalie, be nice to them. Bar is struggling more with the ice than Inna with her hockey. Finally, Nitzan strikes in two quick goals and the bakers are off ahead of Bar/Inna, finally. In other news, Nitzan’s underwear and pants are falling down, and he almost leaves the rink in his skates until Fifi tells him his shoes are sitting there. Teehee. They vote for Firass/Shira, thank you, who are now at the chocolate pool.

At the pool, Shira says the necessary “sorry, sweetie” to Adele. Firass wonders where the Yemenites are, as am I. The ladies go at it, and Tom comments that he would’ve preferred not to go up against a strong team like “Pirass and Shelly.” Lol. Firass grabs Adele, and Shira (probably in the right here) scolds him for touching her, and as Adele swims away Shira grabs her and presses her against the side even harder than her boyfriend did. Firass notes that Shira is faster and stronger than Adele, and Shira adds “and prettier.” Ugh. Lots of yelling from all sides as nobody seems to be getting anywhere. Firass tosses Adele aside. Shira goes for the chest and pulls one of Adele’s boobs out of her bra. Adele and Shira beat each other up. Tom and Firass beat each other up. Then…Firass splashes Tom, and they stop and laugh at how ridiculous they are, apologize, and have a little splash fight as their girlfriends pummel each other in the background. More homoerotic chocolate wrestling, and this is all so pointless. Shira comes over to Tom/Firass because ain’t nobody gettin between her and her man – I knew she had a little Rachel Reilly in her – and Tom screams for Adele, who now has an open cup, to start filling. She does so, and as Tom has Not Romeo and Juliet under each armpit, she finishes and Tom/Adele win this round. Adele celebrates by yelling, and Tom, by falling. They opt for TV Star, and they’re also going to need a shower.

TV Star. Hen/Alon arrive and seem to be working well together. Brothers also arrive and sing a theme song for themselves as they start the task and it’s kind of cute. Back at the rink, Bar is crying but Inna is determined to get out of last. Heroic music plays as Inna restarts her shooting. The goalie lets one slip past, but the second one goes right between his legs and they’re off. They vote for Hen/Alon, and it’s an exact repeat of last leg. Back to said kickboxer and wife, they’re at the TV star task and with a curtsy from Hen, they are done and not a moment too soon. They’re off to the U-Turn board. Anakiva beat Moti/Pundak to the board but they’re both safe.Chocolate pool. We hear the Yemenites before we see them and is this really going to happen? Really? It seems rather gentle with Osnat trying to bury her face in Shira’s cleavage but Firass fills the cup and they’re off to movie star. At TV Star, Tom and Adele are struggling with the Hungarian language. Adele has no clue how it works, and she does an impression of a Hungarian speaker in a confessional that makes her look like she needs new batteries. Tom (and the viewing audience) go “WTF?” Back at the chocolate, it’s the ridiculously fun pairing of Yemenites and Bakers. Firass apologizes in advance to Osnat because she’s his mother’s age (and he’s probably right) but it doesn’t prevent them from beating the ladies by a hair. Bakers head off to TV star. This was a stupid task. Bakers are thinking the same as they baby-wipe the chocolate out of their nostrils.

TV Star. Brothers are going very slowly. They argue, and Alon bullies his brother through the task. They get a no. It’s Tom and Adele’s turn now and the producer seems to like Adele from the moment she enters the studio. Tom compares reading Hungarian to reading psalms, and Adele puts on her best Vanna White, and some combination of the two strategies works because they’re now done.U-Turn board. Hen/Alon arrive, and they are U-Turned by the same four teams as last time. WTF, show? Hen is furious and I actually identify with her, because this would not and could not happen in any other version of the show. Bad move, producers. Hen wonders why their team is such a threat, is it because she’s a model? No, it’s because you can actually do the tasks and do them well. Still, I don’t like the fact that basically all the teams can gang up on one team. I hope this doesn’t happen every leg or we’re in for a long race. Hen frets all the way to the middle of the street when her partner tells her to get on the sidewalk or get hit by a car, which he’s right about. Alon wants to just do the damn Movie task and Hen is still flipping out.

Movie Star. Shira and Firass enter the studio and are enchanted. Their first attempt is a fail, and I have no idea on what criteria they’re being judged, but they get through the second time. At TV Star, Alon/Oren try it once more with feeling, and they get it this time in sixth. At the U-Turn board, Adele/Tom are not U-Turned. At TV Star, Fifi reads the news like you’d expect a baker to read the news as Nitzan is her weather-bunny. They are told to do it again. The bakers leave the studio and have a local properly pronounce the cities for them.Chocolate pool. Osnat/Carmit feel like they can beat Bar/Inna, and locals cheer because we finally have an all chick battle, even if two of the chicks are moms. This is actually not too fun to watch since everyone is getting choked. Inna announces that she’s going to give up, classic fakeout, and she wins. I honestly don’t see why they couldn’t have struck a deal, being the last two teams, nobody’s going to have to fight anymore, but logic seems to escape this show. Bar/Inna pick TV star and Osnat/Carmit have a 15 minute penalty because nobody’s left to fight them so they chill out in the chocolate mess instead of drying off. Alon/Oren? Not U-Turned.

TV Star. Bar/Inna arrive and Bar reads, attacked by the giggles. They both double over as across the room, the bakers fail again. After their giggle attack, they try again with Bar holding her hand over her cheek so she can’t see her dopey partner, and they bow to the camera and pass the task. They pass Team Burekas and are now in seventh (technically sixth, since Hen/Alon have yet to do the movie star task). Bakers try again, and they fail again. I think it’s Fifi’s stale-bread delivery. She announces she’s at her breaking point. They argue and lead us to commercial.

U-Turn board. Bar/Inna are safe. Yemenites choose movie star, and Carmit breaks down in her cab. This has been a super crappy day for these guys, what with the hockey fail and the chocolate fail. Osnat massages her partner and then manages to get her to chuckle, and even though they’re last, they might not yet be out as Alon/Hen need to do the task as well and the Bakers are off arguing somewhere. Hen feels depressed as they enter the movie studio and she’s crying for obvious reasons. Alon tries hard but Hen is out of gas. They get a “one more time please.” Hen tries again but fails. And here come the Yemenites! This task shows them a little love as they get a pass and officially knock the kickboxer and wife down and are not U-turned. For a team that really had bad luck and sucky performances, they managed to leap frog over two other teams in a matter of minutes, so power to them for not giving up. The TV star asks Hen why she’s crying and she says it’s not him. It’s just that the world hates her.

And with that, we end this episode with seven teams off to an unknown task, Hen/Alon at Movie Star, and the bakers at TV Star. Not a lot of placement shuffling in this ep, other than Alon/Hen going to the back of the pack with a rebound inevitable, and Firass/Shira teetering on the top tier.

So I was watching the first episode with my SO last night, and we couldn't figure out why Lawyer and Leather looked so familiar. Until he pointed out that they both look the same as Scott Bakula did when Quantum Leap was still on TV.

So I was watching the first episode with my SO last night, and we couldn't figure out why Lawyer and Leather looked so familiar. Until he pointed out that they both look the same as Scott Bakula did when Quantum Leap was still on TV.

Lol, tarflyonthewall so true. I picked the Baldwins, but yours is better.