All Stars Premiere Recap: The Rami vs. Mondo Show

Project Runway All Stars premiered Thursday night and all I have to say is who are these people and what have they done with Tim, Heidi, Michael and Nina?

I knew it would be weird to not have the usual judges panel and mentor, but I didn’t know it would be that weird. It was. I felt like I was watching a spoof. Or a copycat show (especially when Isaac Mizrahi showed up). The weirdness doesn’t stop there. This is called ALL STARS but not all of them are stars. Where’s Andre (Season 2)? Daniel V. (Season 2)? Nick (Season 2)? Laura Bennett (Season 3)? Michael (Season 3)? Or Korto (Season 5)? I would’ve even settled for Vincent (Season 3). Aren’t All Stars usually standouts? We get Sweet P and loony Elisa. At least there’s Mondo and Rami. And Austin and Kara. But Austin’s mustache is throwing me off. What is she thinking?

Speaking of Mondo and Rami, I have a feeling it might be a Mondo vs. Rami season. Even in the first 10 minutes, the two of them outshined the others. Right away, the 13 contestants were asked to pull out a design that represents the kind of designer they are now. After a quick runway show, Mondo and Rami clearly had the best garments. No one was judged or anything and the whole thing seemed pointless, but it’s real purpose is revealed later.

The new host, who is apparently a supermodel, whose name I’ll learn later when (if) I care, takes the contestants to the 99 Cent Store for their first (and fan-fav) unconventional challenge. They must buy materials from the 99 Cent Store and create a look inspired by the one they showed earlier. Oh, so that’s why they did that earlier runway show.

So what happened at the runway challenge? This is the part where each week I’ll show you instead of tell you. I’ll pick the best and worst looks and break them down here.

HOT MESSES

Left: Space cadet Elisa gave us this little number. I image this is hot in the ghost prostitute market. Middle: Did you spill something? Or just need to dry your dishes? Then Sweet P has this dress for you. Oh, and your pants are falling down? Here, take one of my 15 belts. Right: Gordona (who? I know right?) sent this down the runway. I don’t even know what it is, but I think I got a D on it in art class once.

FIERCE FROCKS

Left: Rami gave us this hot little number. I don’t know what else to say expect, I imagine that’s what a modern Alexis Carrington would look like in an updated version of “Dynasty.” Look at her. Wouldn’t you love to be slapped by her? No? Oh, must just be me. Middle: Mondo made this out of garbage bags and tape. Seriously. Right: April’s dress is actually made of mops. Which will come in handy when you piss yourself after learning this dress is MADE OF MOPS.

So I would’ve given Rami the win and the judges agreed. He won the first challenge. And I would’ve sent Elisa home. And again, the judges concur. She’s out. Wow, I actually agree with these judges unlike the “real” judges. Maybe I can get used to the new guys after all. But probably not. I hate change.