Green Room

Amy in the Lion’s Den: My Experience at Chick-Fil-A

I ate a Chick-Fil-A last night. Now, before you ask, yes I did survive the massive, oppressing atmosphere of homophobia in the restaurant and I’m here to tell my story. Considering the hyperbolic vitriol that leftists have been spewing recently about the chicken restaurant, I feared for my sanity as I opened the double doors to Chick-Fil-A. What would I find inside? I wanted to hug my friend whom I met for dinner, but what if the cashiers got the wrong idea? I didn’t want to be subject to the homophobia that apparently runs rampant Chick-Fil-A’s all around the country. Or so Roseanne Barr tells me.

Because I let myself get sucked in by the fear-tactics of Chick-Fil-A-hating liberals, I had a few, perhaps extreme, expectations when I walked in the restaurant. First, how could anyone want to eat at a restaurant so hateful that the owner has the audacity to claim he supports traditional marriage? I expected Chick-Fil-A to be a ghost town. Rather, the opposite was true. The restaurant was quite crowded even though the dinner rush had not yet started. I even had to wait in line! Oh the humanity. I couldn’t believe that so many people had yet to notice the homophobia that ran rampant throughout the room. I became even more fearful as I got closer and closer to the cashier. Considering that Chick-fil-A is apparently a restaurant run by bible-beating, intolerant extremists, I assumed that I might not fit in that well. What if my dress was too short? Or worse, would they make the wrong assumption about my sexual orientation because I was wearing rainbow nail polish? I quaked with fear as a prepared to put in my order.

Rather, I was pleasantly surprised with the cashiers at Chick-Fil-A. They were pleasant and my food came out in approximately 37 seconds. I took a second to breathe a sigh of relief before spiraling into my liberal rumor-induced panic once again. As I walked to my table, I tried to divert my eyes from the posters on the wall. I feared that the restaurant might be adorned with various protest signs from the Westboro Baptist Church and I didn’t want to risk having the intolerance rub off on me. As I looked up, I once again realized that I was wrong. In fact, there was a poster on the wall titled “Great Opportunities Served Here” which detailed the amount of money Chick-Fil-A has donated for scholarships. I shrugged my shoulders and prepared to dig into my chicken salad, but I paused. What if there was a secret ingredient in my chicken that would cause an epidemic of homophobia?? Perhaps I should have called the hospital beforehand and scheduled a round of chemotherapy, because as Roseanne Barr suggested, I’ll probably get cancer from dining at Chick-Fil-A. I soon realized that perhaps I had listened too much to the liberal media and I dove into my healthy meal (which was delicious by the way).

Alright, hold the phone.

Now, obviously that’s an exaggeration and not an accurate depiction of my thought process. However, I think it’s necessary to match the left’s hyperbolic vitriol for Chick-Fil-A with a few humorous exaggerations of my own. Seriously, with all the hatred the left has developed for the chicken restaurant in the last week, you’d think the Westboro Baptist Church had founded and operated Chick-Fil-A. It’s absurd. Dan Cathy, the owner of Chick-Fil-A, merely supports traditional marriage and the left acts like it’s the end of the world. You didn’t see conservatives getting is such a tizzy over Oreo’s rainbow-colored cookie campaign. Sure, a few people lashed out on Facebook, but that’s nothing compared to the hatred Chick-Fil-A is facing. Not only did Roseanne Barr say that I and others deserve to be stricken with a deadly disease for daring to eat chicken, but city-wide boycotts have popped up as well. The mayor of Boston has vowed that he will not allow the company for opening another franchise in his city and Chicago has taken similar steps. Thank goodness I live in St. Louis.

I keep asking myself how this is even a controversy. Since when did an opinion from a private business (based on the BIBLE, mind you) spark such disagreement and controversy? Sure, leftists have every right to boycott any restaurant they want. They have the ability to utilize the free market to the fullest extent; another institution they often vilify. However, the hypocrisy they display is downright sickening. Liberals claim to be the ideology of “tolerance” and “open-mindedness,” but they are often incapable of practicing what they preach. Standing by biblical principles in NOT intolerant. However, vilifying a restaurant because its owner is socially conservative IS intolerant. Get it through your brains: tolerance is not selective. If you’re tolerance of liberalism, you have to be tolerance of conservatism as well. If Chick-Fil-A had refused to serve homosexuals, that would be a different story. My guess is that they would be just as accommodating with gay customers as they are with straight customers.

Don’t forget that Chick-Fil-A has donated millions in scholarships. THAT is who is really losing if a massive boycott is successful (which it won’t be). All liberals seem to care about is the difference of opinion and their backbones apparently seem to be too weak to allow this difference to exist. Grow up. Unfortunately, no matter how much they preach it, “tolerance” is not something liberals understand. Liberals didn’t invent intolerance, they just perfected it.

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Nice article, Amy, but it will fall on deaf ears. The party of tolerance and inclusion is anything but. Tolerance only applies if you toe the party line; deviance (no, not that kind!) will be punished.

I’ve seen no evidence that Cathy discriminates in the people he employs or serves, so what’s the problem?

I once knew a businessman who in private conversations didn’t hide his less-than-enlightened views about black people in general. He also spoke highly of the black people who worked for him. He said flatly that when he found ability, he hired it.

One of my favorite authors repeatedly pointed out both in his fiction and non-fiction that it is the right of a free man to be just as ignorant and bigoted and prejudiced as he wishes to be. Anyone who disputes this statement is welcome to explain the alternatives (political re-education camps, anyone?).

I went into the lion’s den yesterday for lunch. I have to say the Buffalo Sauce for the nuggets is quite tasty.

Honestly, the only thing Chick-Fil-A is intolerant of is beef.

Dominion on July 26, 2012 at 12:36 PM

Even that is not true. They hire cows for their commercials.

Bitter Clinger on July 26, 2012 at 1:34 PM

Ah, yes, but you fail to understand that the cows they use are not appropriately representative, revealing another C-F-A bigotry trait.

You surely have noticed that all commercials any more have blacks as the lead character and appear to be adhering to a quota of at least 50% blacks. CFA does not have any black angus cows. They all appear to be holsteins, therefore, C-F-A is clearly racially biased.

Ah, yes, but you fail to understand that the cows they use are not appropriately representative, revealing another C-F-A bigotry trait.

You surely have noticed that all commercials any more have blacks as the lead character and appear to be adhering to a quota of at least 50% blacks. CFA does not have any black angus cows. They all appear to be holsteins, therefore, C-F-A is clearly racially biased.

I played the title role in Henry IV part 1 and Henry IV part 2 with the American Renaissance Theater back in the 90′s. Great stuff. I always liked Hotspur’s comeback to Owen’s I can call monsters from the vasty deep!

Hotspurs says “So can I, or any other man. But tell me, do they come when YOU call them?” what a great line.

I played the title role in Henry IV part 1 and Henry IV part 2 with the American Renaissance Theater back in the 90′s. Great stuff. I always liked Hotspur’s comeback to Owen’s I can call monsters from the vasty deep!

Hotspurs says “So can I, or any other man. But tell me, do they come when YOU call them?” what a great line.

I love Shakespeare.

TKindred on July 27, 2012 at 12:33 AM

The undergraduate Shakespeare class I took in the 60s was more rigorous than some of the graduate courses I took a few years later. You would have loved it. The teacher, who had completed his BA with a triple major in English, Drama, and History, and then earned his Ph.D under Hardin Craig, literally performed the plays from the lectern. He converted me from a Math major to English and worked my butt off in the MA program. Along the way I learned to read–really read–and write.

I’m told that it’s possible today to major in English without taking Shakespeare. Pity.

A lot of folks react the wrong way to boycots and bans. You know, the kind of people who when they worry about an “assault weapon” ban buy 10 of them when they never actually wanted one. They also buy boycotted chicken because they like the product…