It's not much easier after the party either. My husband and I hosted a small birthday party for our grandson. It was just a couple of family members the parents and us. At the last minute she asked me to invite a couple friend of theirs. She said they were like family to her.We had not met them, but said sure. Three days later she asked my son for a divorce and moved in with the male half of the couple. She admitted she'd been seeing him for six months. She told my son she asked me to invite them so all four of them could be together one last time as friends!

After reading your update OP, I am inclined to think your SIL is a spoiled SS. She honestly should not be parading her and friends infidelity around to the family at a child's birthday party. It is almost like the happy couple want to be seen and accepted as a social unit, when in fact they are not. Friend, if he was one, should be staying home also. Listen, affairs happen, and I don't want to judge others marriages and their issues, but for her to interrupt you and say that they WILL be there as a couple is someone who wants attention on themselves and honestly, I wouldn't trust her for one minute at the party. Maybe she will be happy with her new situation, but she is going to make others uncomfortable.

imviteseller, I agree completely. It sounds kind of like the party is being used as leverage to make family and friends treat her and the other man as an established couple and her spouse as theoutsider. Anybody who balks is "causing a scene". That seems like kind of a crock.

After reading your update OP, I am inclined to think your SIL is a spoiled SS. She honestly should not be parading her and friends infidelity around to the family at a child's birthday party. It is almost like the happy couple want to be seen and accepted as a social unit, when in fact they are not. Friend, if he was one, should be staying home also. Listen, affairs happen, and I don't want to judge others marriages and their issues, but for her to interrupt you and say that they WILL be there as a couple is someone who wants attention on themselves and honestly, I wouldn't trust her for one minute at the party. Maybe she will be happy with her new situation, but she is going to make others uncomfortable.

The way she interrupted the OP leapt out at me as well and I wouldn't be surprised if inviteseller is right.

After reading your update OP, I am inclined to think your SIL is a spoiled SS. She honestly should not be parading her and friends infidelity around to the family at a child's birthday party. It is almost like the happy couple want to be seen and accepted as a social unit, when in fact they are not. Friend, if he was one, should be staying home also. Listen, affairs happen, and I don't want to judge others marriages and their issues, but for her to interrupt you and say that they WILL be there as a couple is someone who wants attention on themselves and honestly, I wouldn't trust her for one minute at the party. Maybe she will be happy with her new situation, but she is going to make others uncomfortable.

I agree! In fact I think I would have interrupted right back (does that count as interrupting? or just resuming?) and said "actually we are going to ask [friend] to not attend. Perhaps in the future, once things have settled down, he will be re-included, but we have already decided that his attendance is not appropriate at this time. The sole focus of this party is DS."

After reading your update OP, I am inclined to think your SIL is a spoiled SS. She honestly should not be parading her and friends infidelity around to the family at a child's birthday party. It is almost like the happy couple want to be seen and accepted as a social unit, when in fact they are not. Friend, if he was one, should be staying home also. Listen, affairs happen, and I don't want to judge others marriages and their issues, but for her to interrupt you and say that they WILL be there as a couple is someone who wants attention on themselves and honestly, I wouldn't trust her for one minute at the party. Maybe she will be happy with her new situation, but she is going to make others uncomfortable.

I agree! In fact I think I would have interrupted right back (does that count as interrupting? or just resuming?) and said "actually we are going to ask [friend] to not attend. Perhaps in the future, once things have settled down, he will be re-included, but we have already decided that his attendance is not appropriate at this time. The sole focus of this party is DS."

I agree too. I don't think you'd have been rude to tell SIL "Actually, we'd appreciate it if you don't bring [Friend]."

imviteseller, I agree completely. It sounds kind of like the party is being used as leverage to make family and friends treat her and the other man as an established couple and her spouse as theoutsider. Anybody who balks is "causing a scene". That seems like kind of a crock.

I thought that too. She's forcing everyone to accept the situation when the dust hasn't even settled yet. Heck, it's not even finished rising! I get that sometimes nice people make big mistakes, but nice people generally have the good grace to be ashamed of themselves, for at least a short period of time.

Yep. I suspect that at the party, she'll be strolling around hand in hand with Friend, using "we" language, playing "Happy New Couples" acting like nothing wrong has happened, etc.

Well, the party is over, I have a mountain of cupcakes left over, and .. it all went surprisingly well, actually! Perhaps it was helped by the fact I was so disorganised and run off my feet to notice anything but the day seemed to be pretty much drama-free.

BiL didn't come - I didn't really think he would, but it would have been nice to see him. We'll see abut having him over one of these days for cupcakes and gaming instead.

SiL and Friend came together. They also gave a card, signed Friend, SiL and Friend's kids. (SiL had told me on Friday that she and BiL had bought something for DS months ago, so the card, I thought was a bit ) Friend stayed with DH most of the day, manning the BBQ. SiL brought her dogs, which I thought was another moment as our property is not dog-friendly and there were small kids running around. But given the recent events, forethought may not be one of her strongest characteristics.

BiL2 was in good spirits, so no dramas on that front. Actually, the only thing that really bothered DH was his dad backseat-driving the BBQ and telling him how to cook. (And for me, my folks trying to talk about planned renovations while I'm trying to do a zillion things at once). One friend did FB-message me and ask what the deal was with SiL, but aside from that the topic didn't seem to be mentioned. And elephant in the room, yes, but it wore a party hat and blended in.

Overall, a good day was had. The weather was flawless, and the birthday boy had tons of fun. And that's the main thing!

Thank you all so much for your insights and advice! Who wants birthday cupcakes?

Well, the party is over, I have a mountain of cupcakes left over, and .. it all went surprisingly well, actually! Perhaps it was helped by the fact I was so disorganised and run off my feet to notice anything but the day seemed to be pretty much drama-free.

BiL didn't come - I didn't really think he would, but it would have been nice to see him. We'll see abut having him over one of these days for cupcakes and gaming instead.

SiL and Friend came together. They also gave a card, signed Friend, SiL and Friend's kids. (SiL had told me on Friday that she and BiL had bought something for DS months ago, so the card, I thought was a bit ) Friend stayed with DH most of the day, manning the BBQ. SiL brought her dogs, which I thought was another moment as our property is not dog-friendly and there were small kids running around. But given the recent events, forethought may not be one of her strongest characteristics.

BiL2 was in good spirits, so no dramas on that front. Actually, the only thing that really bothered DH was his dad backseat-driving the BBQ and telling him how to cook. (And for me, my folks trying to talk about planned renovations while I'm trying to do a zillion things at once). One friend did FB-message me and ask what the deal was with SiL, but aside from that the topic didn't seem to be mentioned. And elephant in the room, yes, but it wore a party hat and blended in.

Overall, a good day was had. The weather was flawless, and the birthday boy had tons of fun. And that's the main thing!

Thank you all so much for your insights and advice! Who wants birthday cupcakes?

I am so glad to hear the party went well. My outside analysis on the affair? SIL is investing herself in a fantasy..she signs his name and his kids name to the card? He spends the party with your DH grilling instead of basking in the new love? Sounds like at least he had some class but she is living in LaLa land. I think you and DH are good people for wanting to still keep BIL involved in your lives but I bet SIL will not see it that way.

Well, the party is over, I have a mountain of cupcakes left over, and .. it all went surprisingly well, actually! Perhaps it was helped by the fact I was so disorganised and run off my feet to notice anything but the day seemed to be pretty much drama-free.

BiL didn't come - I didn't really think he would, but it would have been nice to see him. We'll see abut having him over one of these days for cupcakes and gaming instead.

SiL and Friend came together. They also gave a card, signed Friend, SiL and Friend's kids. (SiL had told me on Friday that she and BiL had bought something for DS months ago, so the card, I thought was a bit ) Friend stayed with DH most of the day, manning the BBQ. SiL brought her dogs, which I thought was another moment as our property is not dog-friendly and there were small kids running around. But given the recent events, forethought may not be one of her strongest characteristics.

BiL2 was in good spirits, so no dramas on that front. Actually, the only thing that really bothered DH was his dad backseat-driving the BBQ and telling him how to cook. (And for me, my folks trying to talk about planned renovations while I'm trying to do a zillion things at once). One friend did FB-message me and ask what the deal was with SiL, but aside from that the topic didn't seem to be mentioned. And elephant in the room, yes, but it wore a party hat and blended in.

Overall, a good day was had. The weather was flawless, and the birthday boy had tons of fun. And that's the main thing!

Thank you all so much for your insights and advice! Who wants birthday cupcakes?

This woman seriously lacks boundaries.

Clearly the reality of cheating on two spouses and most likely breaking up a family with kids has not set in for SIL.

Logged

"Any idiot can face a crisis, it is this day-to-day living that wears you out". Chekhov.

Well, the party is over, I have a mountain of cupcakes left over, and .. it all went surprisingly well, actually! Perhaps it was helped by the fact I was so disorganised and run off my feet to notice anything but the day seemed to be pretty much drama-free.

BiL didn't come - I didn't really think he would, but it would have been nice to see him. We'll see abut having him over one of these days for cupcakes and gaming instead.

SiL and Friend came together. They also gave a card, signed Friend, SiL and Friend's kids. (SiL had told me on Friday that she and BiL had bought something for DS months ago, so the card, I thought was a bit ) Friend stayed with DH most of the day, manning the BBQ. SiL brought her dogs, which I thought was another moment as our property is not dog-friendly and there were small kids running around. But given the recent events, forethought may not be one of her strongest characteristics.

BiL2 was in good spirits, so no dramas on that front. Actually, the only thing that really bothered DH was his dad backseat-driving the BBQ and telling him how to cook. (And for me, my folks trying to talk about planned renovations while I'm trying to do a zillion things at once). One friend did FB-message me and ask what the deal was with SiL, but aside from that the topic didn't seem to be mentioned. And elephant in the room, yes, but it wore a party hat and blended in.

Overall, a good day was had. The weather was flawless, and the birthday boy had tons of fun. And that's the main thing!

Thank you all so much for your insights and advice! Who wants birthday cupcakes?

This woman seriously lacks boundaries.

Clearly the reality of cheating on two spouses and most likely breaking up a family with kids has not set in for SIL.

A person with good boundaries probably wouldn't commit adultery in the first place. Then, she interrupted Fer in a conversation the other day, telling her that her cheat-mate would be coming. Last, she signed a card (attached to a gift bought originally by her and her husband) with her cheat-mate's and his children's names.