"You did not do as I asked. You have never treated Harry as a son. He has known nothing but neglect and often cruelty at your hands. The best that can be said is that he has at least escaped the appalling damage you have inflicted upon the unfortunate boy sitting between you." Albus Dumbledore speaking to Vernon and Petunia Dursley in Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince

As a mom who parents as I do, one of the questions I am asked the most by friends and acquaintances is this: "How do you get your kids to do chores?" It is also the question, as a mom, that most leaves me scratching my head. But for those who really want to know, here is how we did/do it.

1. Train them while they are young.

Both of our children began picking up toys as soon as they were old enough to get them out. We helped. We trained. We taught. We were the example. And yes, we picked up 5 to their 1 and that's okay. If you begin at a young age, you can do this. And no,it's not easy. We have one child who will do what we ask (with or without some grumbling) and one who will do what we ask (with or without an hour-long tantrum).

What if you didn't train them when they are young? Read on! It's never too late to start (that is one of the secrets to life, btw).

2. Give them age-appropriate chores.

Our son began helping to empty the dishwasher when he was 4 and his specific job was the silverware - yes, including the sharp knives. Before that he may have helped put away dish towels or other things, but this is the chore that stands out in my mind as part of his daily duties. He now does the entire dishwasher minus the silverware which his sister does (less than joyfully, I might add). He is now 14 and his chore list looks different. Our daughter is 10 and she has the same number of chores but they are not as difficult. (I'll post our chore list tomorrow!)

3. Just say no.

You know what I see as the biggest obstacle to your children helping in the home? YOU! I know. It's judgmental. I'm okay with that. Let me give you an example what saying no looks like at my house. My kids: "Mom, can I watch TV?" Me: "Did you finish your chore list?" My kids: "I'm tired." Me: "Me too. Too tired to cook your dinner, take you to the football game, schedule your playdate." My kids: Silence, then "okay". My children are 14 and 10. They are healthy, have all they need (not all they want), they attend two of the best schools money can buy and my husband and I bust our tails daily and sacrifice to make that happen. So, there is no laying around the house, watching TV, playing Barbies.....until the work is done. Period. This. Is. Not. Negotiable.

Our children are loved. They have been nursed and rocked and cuddled. They have been read to every night (our 10 year old still starts the night with a book in our bed and is then carried asleep into her room by my husband). They are doted on by grandparents and aunts and uncles. They are also polite and responsible and the children that other parents want to come over in hopes they will set a good example. And, I believe they will continue to grow and thrive and be fantastic and successful adults who will care for others and serve their communities due to the way we have raised them.

A few weeks ago I trimmed several bushes around the house and the Sun and the Moon (mainly the Sun), carried the branches down to the road for pick-up. This is how we roll. If you do one thing for your child to see him or her on their way to a successful future, I truly believe this is it. Give them chores, stick to the list, and just say no.​

A few days ago I posted this on FB: "Great Spirit, please support me in these last days of school. Please help me to not only get through them, but ENJOY them as these moments in my children's lives are fleeting. We are joyful and sad and grateful all at once. Please give them the support they need as they journey into the next stages of their lives. With thanks, Amen and Aho."

Here I sit. 4 days later. On Monday, Thursday seemed so far away. I have spent the week laughing and crying and talking to my fellow parents. That is, when I am not cooking, cleaning, running errands for the kids. supporting the Moon's field day, taking her for an end of the year lunch with friends and oh - not to mention - trying to run a business and prepare for a house full of people for graduation.

Did I mention that The Sun, my oldest, is graduating from 8th grade tonight? I know. 8th grade. Big deal. It is a big deal. It signifies his move to high school. His moving away from us and becoming more independent. And, it means he is leaving the next of the small Waldorf school where he has mostly been since his days in the sweet Parent-Child circle with me beginning at the tender age of three.

It is bittersweet this day. I know tonight will be hard. For me, for him (he is so excited and so sad all at the same time). Last night I had a nightmare that seemed to go on forever. I rarely remember my dreams these days but when I do I know to pay attention as it is important. Noah and many children were locked in a school. It was a big public school. Not his school. The "authorities" came and locked them in...then they locked us in. Most of the dream was spent attempting to escape. I'll be thinking about this throughout the day. The meaning. The take-away.

If you are a dream interpreter, let me know as I have a glimmer of the meaning but can always use some help.

I'll leave you with an image of Noah on stilts at the annual Elves' Faire, a Waldorf tradition (by many names). Today, I will tell him that his time at his school is not truly over, his relationships not coming to an end as long as he tends the flame and keeps it alive.

This morning as I was perusing Pinterest I saw a pin telling you how to get kids to clean their rooms. My initial response was, "Really"? But, then I took a step back and considered. Are there families out there struggling to get their kids to clean their rooms? The answer is YES. Are there families who value the power of objects more than a calm and happy space? Yes. In response to this stream of thought I decided a blog post was in order.

You see, when I was growing up the idea of whether or not I would clean my room did not exist. Cleaning my room was just a part of life. Now that I AM an adult, when we have guests I get these kinds of comments:"Where is all of your stuff?""How do you keep your home so clean?"
In response to these questions I want to share some tips and tell you how they relate to your children's rooms.
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Make a decision to create sacred space in your home, your sanctuary, your refuge from the world and share this idea with your children on whatever level they can understand. As I have walked these many years on my spiritual journey and have had the opportunities to study so many traditions with so many masters - including the sacred art of Feng Shui, I have been reminded over and over again that my home is my sacred space. This does not mean you must have an altar or it must look and feel like a Buddhist temple or a church but it should be where you feel safe, relaxed and yourself. It is difficult to feel any of these things if you are sleeping with all of your laundry.

Keep Your Home Neat and Clean. Yes. I mean you. You cannot expect your children to keep their room clean or make their beds if you are not setting that example. I'm not talking about making your home look like a Pottery Barn ad. What I am talking about is just keeping it tidied up. Walk through the house each morning and evening before bed and tidy up. It will make life much easier each day and will help the kids know how good it feels to be in a clean space. Promise!

Remember LESS IS MORE. I'm going to tell you something absolutely true. We rarely eat fast food. Why am I telling you this? Because I do not allow things like toys from a fast food box into my home. Even if we have a weak (busy) moment and pull into a Sonic I can promise you that no food is ordered that comes with a toy. We are mindful of what toys and books our children have and believe in SIMPLICITY in those regards. Just say no to the excess. It's really that easy and it will bring peace to your home.

Be organized and give your children tools for organization. You cannot expect your children to put their things away if there is not a designated space for said things. An open bin or toy box is a recipe for disaster. When he was younger (okay, he still plays with them), my son played with three types of toys. We have Playmobil, Legos and wooden trains. I have designated bins and spaces for all of these things. Why does that matter? It allowed for easy clean-up and kept him from melting down because he could not find [fill in the blank] piece.

Purge regularly. Every 6 months I do a clean sweep of the house. As diligent as we are in regards to toys, paper, food in the bedrooms, etc. it is AMAZING what sneaks in. I cannot imagine what would happen if we did not adhere to simplicity and cleanliness.

Teach your children how to put things away. This sort of goes hand in hand with Number 1 and setting an example but really, children must be taught how to clean up after themselves. When they are really small it is singing a clean up song and putting their toys (the very few toys) into appropriate bins. As they move into late toddlerhood and preschool years it is continuing to work side by side with them (think of the developmental side by side play) to help them pick up. By the time they enter Kindergarten there is really no reason for them to not be able to clean up on their own (provided they are not overwhelmed by the amount of toys they have or the lack of organizational materials).

Tell your children to clean their rooms. This is where it gets real for the school-age set. Tell your children to do it and mean it. (Gasp!) As a general rule, children need EXPLICIT instructions. "Little Susie (or Teen Susie), clean your room." There is no room here for discussion and that is okay. Really. I give you permission as the adult to teach good habits to your children. We want to hold them and coddle them. I know! I have those urges too. There are times we can do that. But, we are not doing our children any favors by allowing them to be slobs or not help in the home - especially in regards to their own rooms.

Stick to your guns. It seems like this is the same as Number 5 but that is for them. This is for you. Do not waiver. You need to decide what level of cleanliness you need in your home for you and your family to be healthy and happy and to be able to think of your home as sacred. Once you make that decision stick to it. "No, you cannot go outside. No, you cannot read your book. No, you cannot play on the Wii, text your friends or do your nails. You can clean your room and when it is finished let me know so I can determine if you are ready for free time. " I know this seems harsh but looking for a mate to a shoe is no fun if it is buried under a pile of dirty laundry when you have to be at school in 15 minutes. At least it does not sound like fun to me. Sticking to your guns can be hard but these life lessons are what help build strong adults.

There are really some great resources out there in the library and on the web for assisting you even further. Thearticle that prompted the initial blog post was from Living Well Spending Less and...well... I went back and read it and was really great. It's definitely worth taking a look at. Another great resource is Kim John Payne. I had the pleasure to work with him over the course of two years through my son's school. His work on simplicity is fantastic. Click hereto read one of his blog postings on what he has dubbed Simplicity Parenting.Now put on your big girl panties and get to work. You can do it!

​Hi guys. Well, we are in our 4th season of soccer. Noah really enjoys playing and is very excited to be on the purple team this season - his lucky color. The kids really do little more than run around trying to kick the ball at this age. There are one or two on each team that are real go getters, but for the most part it's all fun.

Can you believe that my baby lost his first two teeth today? Not the usual way of course. Tooth number one has been loose for a little over two months. Meantime, the new tooth has come up behind it. Then, a second tooth loosened up and lo and behold, did not loosen much and a new tooth had come up behind it. So, today we went to the dentist. I was very nervous that he was going to freak out before we went, but I told him about the Snoopy nose that the dentist would put on him that would make him giggle. That was all he needed to hear. Unfortunately, he did not giggle and that made him sad.

But, the visit went well. Both teeth were pulled, he received a prize and I took him for a Frosty as he needed something that did not require a straw to ingest. All in all it went well. Now, he is sound asleep with two teeth under his pillow dreaming sweet dreams of the glitter and magic of the Tooth Fairy. I know he won't be disappointed.

As for me, I finally broke down and cried at bedtime as he got ready to read The Tooth Fairy book. I cannot believe we have a child losing his milk teeth. He is growing up so fast. It is days like this that I am so thankful that we have made the decision to keep him home with us instead of sending him to school.

That's it for tonight. So, look for the kid with the missing front teeth and be sure to ask him about his Tooth Fairy visit.

​I copied this image from www.yahoo.com. It is an image from the AP. A kid in California took a gun to school and the school was locked down. This was at a Baccalaureate School which is sort of like a magnet school but not. The police searched all 1200 students and the school. These police state images of our school systems burn me up. This is what I am talking about. I would be furious if this happened to my kid. Think this sort of thing doesn't happen all of the time? It does. My niece was involved in a small incident a year or so ago. Let me frame it by saying it was really bad and the parents handled it. And, let me say she is at the top of her class academically and a a cheerleader and learned her lesson. With that said......she was interrogated by a policeman and the principle of her magnet school where she was a 7th grader for over two hours. She was NOT ALLOWED to call her parents. After getting a thorough tongue lashing from my sister, she was basically told that they do not have to call her and that she has not rights in this incident. Police state folks. Police state. When your child is in the public school system you basically have no rights to them. They are essentially wards of the school while they are there. You think I am crazy. I know you do. But, it is true. Okay class, all together, say "George Orwell."

​Well, here we are looking at taking Noah to Bonnaroo for the third year. I have to tell you, that it rocks taking a kid to this incredible music extravaganza. He totally hung in there both years. We have the good fortune of working in a booth to raise money for the Manchester Art Center and Community Theater (which unfortunately burned to the ground a year ago during the run of Charlotte's Web.). Noah hands out drinks while take the money. We don't let him hand out the beer, but he knows his sodas well.

This year it will be a real challenge trying to decide when to go. The lineup includes Allison Kraus and Robert Plant, Pearl Jam (whom I saw in 1993), Jack Johnson, and my personal faves, The Allman Brothers Band. I'm sure others will be added as the concert nears.

​Noah particularly loves getting to walk around all day without a shirt, riding the ferris wheel and the great kids section which featured a magic show last year. Above you'll find a father / son photo during a break in the kids section. See you in Manchester folks!

Meet Dana

I’m Dana Croy and I am a modern day mama. Balancing family and work is not always easy (not to mention a little self-care). Though being Mama to two fantastic kiddos is a huge part of my life, that was not always the case. I wear many other hats and invite to sit down and find harmony with me.