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Sunday, March 23, 2008

Florigan Secession: Florida & Michigan Threaten War

Voters of Florida and Michigan, angry at the disenfranchisement of the democratic process in the former states, have formed a 2-state confederation outside of the boundaries of the United States. State Democrats, with the consent of Republicans, engaged in a heated debate this week in deciding on the name of the new country. The name “Michida” was at first entertained and then rejected in favor of “Florigan.”

Rebel Florigans have taken up arms against the Democratic Party and Party Leader Howard Dean.

“Dean stripped us of our rights by force. If our votes do not count in the United States, then let them count in the Republic of Florigan,” said rebel Florigan chief Duna Cheatus.

Meanwhile, Barack Obama has huddled with United States officials to issue a quiet ban on recognition of the New Country’s independence. Mr. Obama claims he can draw Florigan loyalists back into line without violence, but there are many skeptics.

“Unless Obama demands an immediate revote, we will march against Obama’s headquarters in Chicago. Florigan chooses liberty and the right to vote and will shed blood, if necessary, in that just cause,” said Willna Yield, the female rebel firebrand.