Thursday, February 25, 2010

... I hereby present a short risk of things that are currently thought to increase one's risk of miscarriage. Pregnant women of Utah, play it safe and keep careful track of your actions. If you miscarry you could be considered "reckless" if you've engaged in any of these:

The woman's age at time of pregnancy. Is it a reckless act to get pregnant after the age of 40? I guess the state of Utah will decide. I should hope, though, that the state recognizes that getting pregnant by a man over the age of 40 is also a reckless act.

Previous miscarriages. Do you have a history of miscarriage? Getting pregnant again could be a reckless act.

Being too skinny. That's right: this study found that low pre-pregnancy body mass index was a risk factor for first-trimester miscarriage.

Coffee. Do they even have Starbucks in Utah? Anyway, stay away from coffee if you want to avoid the long arm of the law in the aftermath of a miscarriage. Because caffeine consumption ups your risk of miscarriage. Unless, of course, it doesn't.

Amniocentesis, particularly if done by a less experienced medical team. Ladies, now you know you are being reckless if you don't insist on having prenatal testing performed in a high-volume teaching hospital using highly skilled staff. What? Your insurance doesn't cover that? Hmmmm, that's not the law's problem, now is it?

Get pregnant by an abusive partner. You didn't realize he was abusive until you became pregnant? You didn't have a choice, because he raped you and/or sabotaged your birth control? Excuses, excuses. If you were really deserving of the state's protection, why, that man would have treated you better.

Eating at the deli. The good people of the state of Utah could choose to charge you with feticide for that turkey sandwich, you know.

Let's not forget the usual suspects: smoking, drinking, car accidents, falling. Don't do any of those, either. Because the loss of your pregnancy won't be enough punishment for you if you do. Oh, no. Just ask the wise men of the state of Utah.