I'm going to honor her by having a painting done of her from a photo and hang in our bedroom as that was a special place every night. Because of her having to get meds around midnight she slept in our room and she was the only one who did and it was our special time together. I'm doing alot better and I'm surprised but I'm remembering the good times. I've been going through pictures which would just make me cry but like Sins I could see when she started going down. Because of her sm she had lost her oomph lets say. We didn't go to parks etc. as she couldn't handle it. She held such a special place in my heart and this was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. It took me 2 weeks to decide and when I did I finally saw the reality. I miss her but I'm happy for her that she is finally out of pain and no longer scratches and rubs her head etc. I loved/love her so much.

11th January 2012, 04:23 PM

sins

What a lovely idea Linda.
I went back to the vets today,paid all my bills and walked away feeling ok.No tears,no bad memories.
While driving home I was thinking a lot about how much I loved Daisy and how much love and care she received.Then I realised,I wouldn't have to worry about her being in pain,or feeling anxious looking across at her to see if she was uncomfortable.No more pangs of pity watching her trying to get onto the sofa and clamber up the decking.As much as I loved her,I also felt sorry for her.
When I reached my front door,I said goodbye to Syringomyelia,and to the grip that it had on my home and my life.
I found it strangely liberating and didn't actually feel guilty,because I kept the love and the happy memories.
I think today was real progress...
Sins

11th January 2012, 05:57 PM

linderbelle

I know what you mean Sins in regards to the sm. I couldn't take the dogs to a dog park as I felt it wasn't fair to Abbey as she couldn't handle it. In regards to drugs and every 8 hrs. it was just routine for me. In regards to analyzing her I also have a sense of relief. I never felt sorry for Abbey until the day my best friend told me the truth and it hit home and that was the day we put her down. I left work to spend her last hours with her and picked up the camera and put it back down as I didn't want the memory of how she looked and I had been in denial. I have so many happy memories of her and I'd sure love to have her on my lap. I miss her and I know you miss Daisy.

I'm so glad you're feeling better Sins. I only cried once yesterday which was a real improvement.

12th January 2012, 12:34 PM

paula12

Linda

My thoughts and deepest sympathies are with you during this difficult time. May Abbey run pain free at the rainbow bridge with all our much loved companions.

12th January 2012, 02:27 PM

linderbelle

Not starting out good. Driving to work all I could think of was that her birthday is coming up and why didn't we wait until after her birthday. We certainly would have been able to do so. Then I try to knock sense into me and say she wouldn't know it was her birthday so quit being dumb. I've already cried at work and it's 8:30--glad I'm the one who comes in first so nobody saw me. The two gals that are right by me just don't get it I don't think.

I sure do miss that sweet little princess.

14th January 2012, 12:56 PM

linderbelle

Thinking that it will be Abbey's birthday a week from today and unfortunately she will not be here. Now I'm angry that I didn't wait until after her birthday but then a dog doesn't understand a birthday. I guess what I'm really saying is I wish she was still here for me--the old Abbey that has been gone for awhile. I know now that I have been slowly grieving her death for a very long time. I do miss her and find myself when I'm in my recliner look over to the bed that she liked or if I see sun hitting the floor knowing she would be laying there. I miss coming home and her so happy to see me. I miss when I say the word "pill" for her to go crazy because that meant a pill pocket. I miss getting up in the night and seeing her. I'm doing much better than I thought I would be--it's almost 2 weeks since she left us. That makes me feel guilty too as how can I possibly be doing this good as much as I loved her? I know the other dogs help alot. I remember when I got the last 2 dogs I said I need other cavaliers around when Abbey leaves us and it has helped me alot to hold and love them. I guess I'm writing this almost like a blog. I just plain miss her and always will miss my little "princess"

14th January 2012, 03:30 PM

Margaret C

Linda,
You cannot know that if you waited until after Abbey's birthday that she would not have deteriorated horribly and painfully before that time.

You made the decision when you did because you had her best interests at heart.

You will miss her many times each day simply because she needed so much special attention, but that is also a measure of how different her life had become to that a healthy dog.

It is hard to deal with the guilt that comes with beginning to 'get on with life' without someone or something you love. It can feel terribly disloyal.

She was special, you were lucky to have her and she was lucky to have you. Hug that knowledge to you and allow yourself to go and enjoy your other dogs.

14th January 2012, 09:16 PM

Kate H

I think when a dog has been ill for some time you do a lot of your grieving before he/she actually dies. So don't feel guilty if you don't grieve for her now as long as you think you ought to, but find yourself enjoying your other dogs. You have already done a lot of grieving for the 'old' Abbey, as she was before she got so ill - even if you had delayed releasing her, you still wouldn't have got that younger Abbey back, and perhaps it's that one that you are grieving for now, rather than the older Abbey who you know it was right to release from a failing body.

Kate, Oliver and Abbey

15th January 2012, 02:47 AM

linderbelle

I think you hit it right on the nose Kate. I remember back in June talking to Dr. Shores about her muscle loss and I believe that is when she started to go down and then I had knee replacement surgery but I told a friend today the very same thing--I've been grieving her for a long time. So worried about her. Sometimes I see her laying in her dog bed wth her long tongue hanging out and I mean alot of tongue--not the old cute little bit. Her poor tongue would lay on the floor and it breaks my heart to remember that Abbey but at the same time I've watched a video of her with the other 3 dogs barking and having a good time and wanting a treat. I do miss her so much. Even as handicapped as she was she wasn't really that much work--pills 3 times a day which wasn't a big deal and of course the changing of the non-skid socks which weren't exactly easy to get on but really it wasn't that much work. I am enjoying my dogs. I am grieving that young spunky dog though--watched a video of her a year after surgery and she was so dang good--even 2 years after he surgery she was dang good. Its been the last year going down a bit slowly at first and really down alot these past 6 months. She sure had my heart from day #1. When I get doubts I remember how when I showed her how much love I had for her it didn't phase her anymore. She was truly gone for quite awhile. Now the tears are flowing but tears of missing her.

20th January 2012, 11:48 AM

linderbelle

Tomorrow would have been Abbey's 8th birthday and a co-worker told me that we need to honor her in some way tomorrow. The other night I said to George I wonder why we haven't got her ashes back and he said we have. When I picked Bentley up (when he had a couple teeth pulled) they gave them to me. I said why didn't you tell me. He said I couldn't. :-(. Shows how much a man loves his cavalier also. I don't know if I can do anything with her ashes or not yet and haven't really thought about what to do with them. I don't know what to do to honor her so I'm open to suggestions. It's hard t believe she's been gone for 2.5 weeks now and I think of her everyday and still shed tears here and there but doing pretty good. I know not worrying and dealing with sm is such blessing but she was never extra work in my mind. I don't want to ramble on and on. Just missing her.