Automatic

When my PTSD was in full swing, I felt as if my life was on automatic. Stumbling through the days in a zombie like fashion, I can recall the times between panic attacks as dull, scheduled, the same. Keeping my routine while suffering with PTSD was very important to me. Deviations from said routine were anxiety provoking, heart palpitating, sweat inducing experiences that I tried my best to avoid.

PTSD cannot turn on and off. It’s always there, ready to pop out at any triggering moment. I found it difficult to acquire new skills, capitalize on my old skills, and create new relationships. I found it difficult to remember to fill my car with gas, drive new places, create a new recipe for dinner, make new friends, keep up with old friends, do housework, and many more. In fact, I found it difficult to do anything but sit. And even that was hard. Sitting requires relaxing, and relaxing was something my mind could not do unless heavily medicated.

PTSD tears you apart, it tears your relationships apart, it knocks your skill level down, and it devastates your life. It is not something you can have respite from. It is something that is locked in your mind, waiting to pounce out when triggered.

Lots of family and friend support, and a competent EMDR therapist will help you emerge from the darkness of PTSD. Time without therapy does nothing to cure PTSD, in fact, it only makes it stronger. Unless you want to be on automatic, with bouts of panic, I encourage you to seek the help you need.