Unlike every other awards season nomination roll call we've seen over god knows how many years, this morning's Academy Award nominations were presented with actual jokes — of varying quality, mind you, and one with a Hitler punchline, but jokes nonetheless — courtesy of ceremony host Seth MacFarlane, who was joined by Emma Stone. Before we launch into The List, some quick facts: Lincoln leads the nominations with 12 nods. 85-year-old Emmanuelle Riva is the oldest-ever Best Actress nominee; Quvenzhané Wallis, at the ripe old age of nine, is the youngest ever. All of the supporting actor nominees have previously won Oscars. And everyone is talking about the verrrry conspicuous absence of Zero Dark Thirty director Kathryn Bigelow from the nominee list. What gives? A dis, that's what.