Jesus Wept

Since my beloved son Larry died last year, not a day has gone by that I have not thought of him. Immediately after his death I would think about him, literally, almost every minute of each day. Now it is usually once every 15 minutes. He enriched beyond measure the life of myself and my bride and I miss him with all my heart. Larry had autism, and, as a result of his autism, my conversations with him were limited in words, although we each got our meanings across. I greatly admired the way in which my son did not let his disability add sorrow to his life, and the joy he normally radiated warmed my soul. I have had several privileges in my life that have been granted me by God, but I think the greatest was being entrusted with Larry.

Then I read how some parents who are having their unborn children tested for Down Syndrome react:

Rayna Rapp, a former abortion clinic worker who aborted a baby with Down syndrome herself, conducted a survey of women and couples who sought amniocentesis to screen for Down syndrome and other problems with their babies. All of the interviewees intended to abort if the baby was found to have Down syndrome. Some of the things that these parents say about Down syndrome children are deeply troubling to anyone who values life. Here are some comments from men and women who said they would abort if the test came back positive for Down.

I would have a very hard time dealing with a retarded child. Retardation is relative, it could be so negligible that the child is normal, or so severe that the child has nothing… All of the sharing things you want to do, the things you want to share with a child – that, to me, is the essence of being a father. There would be a big void that I would feel. I would feel grief, not having what I consider a normal family.(133)

I have an image of how I want to interact with my child, and that’s not the kind of interaction I want, not the kind I could maintain. (133)

I’m sorry to say I couldn’t think about raising a child with Down’s. I’m something of a perfectionist. I want the best for my child. I’ve worked hard, I went to Cornell University, I’d want that for my child. I’d want to teach him things he couldn’t absorb. I’m sorry I can’t be more accepting, but I’m clear I wouldn’t want to continue the pregnancy.( 133 – 134)

The bottom line is when my neighbor said to me: “Having a “tard,” that’s a bummer for life.” (91)

I just couldn’t do it, couldn’t be that kind of mother who accepts everything, loves her kid no matter what. What about me? Maybe it’s selfish, I don’t know. But I just didn’t want all those problems in my life. (138)

If he can’t grow up to have a shot at becoming the president, we don’t want him.(92)

It’s devastating, it’s a waste, all the love that goes into kids like that. (134)

I think it’s kind of like triage, or like euthanasia. There aren’t enough resources in the world. We’d have to move, to focus our whole family on getting a handicapped kid a better deal… Why spend $50,000 to save one child?(146)

All of these mothers and fathers (for they are already mothers and fathers to their babies growing in the womb) had chosen to have abortions if the baby had Down. The book did not specify which pregnancies actually tested positive and how many went on to abort. But all of the quotes above were made by men and women who fully intended to kill their babies if they turned out to be mentally challenged.

Go here to read the rest. I will eventually summon up the will to pray for these parents, after I subdue in myself my strong desire that they all be sterilized so that no child has to suffer from their ministrations. They are the truly disabled, in heart and soul, not the priceless children who have the misfortune to be their offspring.

28 Responses to Jesus Wept

With parents attitudes as bleak and weak as theirs, who in Gods name would want to be their children?

You are given an Angel that just also happened to be in human form, and just so happened to be created from the love you your wife and God share.
This Angel wasn’t pure spirit mind you, however Donald was close to that caliber. I say this because I have a neice that is a Downs syndrome baby, and the light that fills our hearts comes from her smile love and positive energy.

You are given of of Gods greatest gifts, and there is no past tense here.
He loves you sees you and hugs you.
He lives in our homeland. He calls you “my dad on Earth.”

You’ve been so blessed to share his years on Earth…as he was just as blessed to share in your families years.
Peace Donald.

“The sins of the fathers will be visited on the children for ten generations.” Jesus fell under the cross three times. The Downs syndrome child is doing reparation for the ten generations before him. Least a person could do is appreciate the sacrifice, the Downs Child is making for all of us…lest God wipe us all from the face of the earth. Thank you dear. See you in heaven when we will talk.
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The Downs child is more one of us than any other.
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The despicable responses from those who have contempt for God and God’s people is pukes.

typos…excuse me please. “…however Donald he was close to that caliber.”

“You are given one of Gods greatest gifts.”

Mr. McClarey. I write from my heart.
The posts about your mom and your son
Reveal a love of and from God.
It is in this spirit that my poor fingers fly faster than my intellect. Please keep this in mind. I love God and try to love my neighbors in His love. I’m in great awe of parents like you.

“I will eventually summon up the will to pray for these parents…They are the truly disabled, in heart and soul, not the priceless children who have the misfortune to be their offspring.”
God yes. That brought a tear to my eyes Don, knowing the loss that these parents unknowingly have. The truly disabled. Yes indeed, pray for them.

Years ago I read a satirical article written by an adult with autism (Aspergers) in which he described “neurotypicality” (i.e. not being autistic) as if THAT were a disability — one that makes people too obsessed with popularity, being “cool”, impressing people and fitting in with the crowd. Sounds to me like some of these people cited in the article have a really, really bad case of it. It isn’t always easy having an autistic daughter as I do, but give me a kid like her over one of these clowns any day.

Honestly, many of us felt this way before our first child, and God granted us a child who awakens us from such thoughts. It doesn’t even require a disabled child or one with a lot of needs. Just realizing a child’s will and temperament are not one’s own, his interests are not one’s own, her taste is not the same, etc. is often enough to move us from our thoughts of what parenthood is for to His thoughts of what parenthood is about.

It is evil that there is an industry of people to help kill our child just because we are selfish for a time. But most of us are selfish beyond measure, and parenthood is God’s plan to teach us humility, charity, true love. Don’t be so angry that a not-yet parent would not yet know true love. Save that anger for the evil that feeds off it.

Dear Mr. McClary, thank you for this article, and for sharing your experiences with Larry. Please keep a friend of mine in your prayers. He is fighting a very aggressive form of cancer and the prognosis is grim. One of his children is a young man with severe autism. They are very close, and we are all concerned about this young man’s well-being if he loses his Dad. They would appreciate prayers from everyone reading this, as I am sure Larry is praying for his spiritual brother and family. Thank you.

Sincere condolences with prayers for your family. I lost my younger daughter on 09/11/01 in the world trade center . She was only thirty and she was my sunshine and the sunshine for her father and brothers and sisters as well.
We learn to live with our losses but we never stop loving and praying we will meet in heaven.

Donald, My heart goes out to you for having to suffer the flaws of the human character via their comments about your son. It speaks volumes of your character as to your forgiveness to their wronging/hurting you and ability to withhold your anger at their ignorance/shortsightedness/bigotry. Walter

Donald, are you sure you should even be reading articles like this? I’m definitely not telling you who you should and shouldn’t pray for, and you may be displaying a heroic courage that I’d be in no position to understand, but even exposing yourself to this kind of thing strikes me as imprudent. For what it’s worth.

Thank you for your kind words Botolph. I look at myself as a sinful attorney who needs all the prayers he can get. I am fortunate in that the people around me have tended to be very good people indeed.

“It speaks volumes of your character as to your forgiveness to their wronging/hurting you and ability to withhold your anger at their ignorance/shortsightedness/bigotry. Walter”

Thank you Walter. I am afraid that I have a bad temper that I strive to control with imperfect success. I actually feel more pity than rage at people who can have such contempt for the most innocent among us.

I don’t understand why an obstetrician at a Catholic hospital* insists that pregnant women have amnios to screen for Down’s syndrome, especially when those women insist that they have no intention of artificially aborting any child no matter what.

*Now the chain that operates that hospital calls itself Dignity instead of Catholic.

Micha Elyi: “I don’t understand why an obstetrician at a Catholic hospital* insists that pregnant women have amnios to screen for Down’s syndrome, especially when those women insist that they have no intention of artificially aborting any child no matter what. *Now the chain that operates that hospital calls itself Dignity instead of Catholic.”
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Wrongful life ( a life not worthy of live) lawsuits have been decided against the doctors.

As horrible as these sentiments by the expecting parents are, it only gets worse. For each challenged child that gets aborted, think of the effect on other or subsequent siblings as well. My brother has cognitive challenges, and if he were not around, I doubt I and my other siblings would be as aware of the true contributions he and others like him make. It would make an even more callous world of one that is already far too callous to begin with.

As an educator of specially abled kiddos–the reality is this: no child can ever live up to those expectations. The other thought I had–accidents happen. Would these parents kill their child with a traumatic brain injury? I’ve worked with several students that have had this happen, and the efforts and battles to keep the child from dying is ALWAYS fully supported by the parents, no matter how the child’s brain is damaged. I am near tears thinking of the arrogance and stupidity exhibited by these parents. I will pray for them.

Some of these comments are unfair. I am prolife. I had a baby at 39 – my first – Thanks be to God. I has amniocentesis. To this day I do not know what I would have done. I struggled for the time period it took for the tests to come back. When they called to tell me all was good – I could not hear the voice giving me the good news I had to have my husband call. I had to deal with truth and I began to research all the possibilities. Do not judge harshly – but embrace and forgive as Christ would and feel blessed for every gift you are given by God. I hope you never have to know the torment of what to do if……

If I had known Patrece that my son Larry was going to have autism it wouldn’t have changed the love that my bride and I had for him and his brother in the womb by one iota. We specifically had no amniocentisis performed because we do not believe in search and destroy missions in utero. As my bride told her pediatrician, the babies she carried were coming to term no matter what.