The AL West had a few surprises this season. The Oakland Athletics won (won!) the division. The Texas Rangers dominated and then faltered and were unable to survive a one-game playoff. The Angels had the greatest player on earth, as well as a whole host of superstars surrounding him, and failed to make the postseason. All that incredible, suspenseful, surprising stuff, and no mention of the Seattle Mariners. That is because the Seattle Mariners did not surprise anyone, they did exactly what was expected of them. They lost a lot of baseball games and they finished last in the division. The pitching was pretty decent, the fielding was above average, and the offense was abysmal. That’s how the Mariners roll. That’s how they’ve been rolling for quite some time. They should stop rolling. They should sit still. They should sit still and think about what they’ve done and how they could do better. Roll different.

Say, I think Felix Hernandez may have thrown a perfect game yesterday and that I may have been present at Safeco Field for the final several outs. I think that was real. This is something I am very happy to report. How it all happened—all the details and circumstances and machinations and whatnot, I’ve preserved in virtual space with virtual words over at the virtual website Call to the Pen. You can click this internet link and read my little story over there. It might be a bit sappy and overenthusiastic but it’s a nice story that I enjoy and one I’m happy to have documented. Felix Hernandez, everybody. Felix Mother Fucking Hernandez.

The current frontrunners for the two MVP awards are: All the good players. All the good players are popular, and the more good players on lists in posts like this, the more one is able to excite or upset or anger people who think their favorite or preferred good player is more deserving than the other good players. This is Internet 101 and I’m about to totally nail it here pretty soon. There’s the young superstar who’s mashing the baseball and playing a superior defensive position with elite skill. There’s the other young superstar who’s doing the same thing. There’s that third baseman who’s really good, and the catcher who’s recently caught fire at the plate despite his position being perhaps the most difficult and physically demanding on the diamond. There are also all those first baseman who always hit a ton of home runs. And there are even pitchers who are good and who cause a lot of arguments! Baseball is crazy with good players and all of them have a chance to win the MVP. Doesn’t that make you happy or mad and make you want to discuss and comment and link others to this post?

In the interest of full disclosure (very professional), I will tell you that I am a Seattle Mariners fan. That probably shouldn’t inspire a spirited reaction from you, it should probably just make you feel sorry for me. That aside, this blog post is about a Seattle Mariners player, so take this post with whatever measure of salt you’d like. Maybe you feel like this post warrants a pinch of salt, or maybe a teaspoon. A tablespoon? A cup? Two cups? The whole bowl of salt?! This is getting insane. You better cool it on the salt, man. I’m about to assert that Felix Hernandez is putting together a compelling case for the American League Cy Young Award. What I’m going to use to defend myself against an unrelenting onslaught of crystalline mineral is facts. Facts and numbers and statistics and stuff.

There was a USS Mariner/Lookout Landing nerdfest at Safeco Field on Saturday. Felix Hernandez and Yu Darvish pitched. I was in attendance with my wife and this seems like a pretty easy blog post topic so what follows are some selected thoughts and observations on the whole thing.

All the event-goers assembled in some 300-level section around three in the afternoon and listened to some Mariners bloggers and Front Office people talk for about an hour. It started with Dave Cameron, Jeff Sullivan, and Mathew (not Matt) Carruth speaking candidly about the state of the team. In short: things aren’t looking good. It was both depressing and not surprising to hear from Dave and Jeff that this is about as low on the team as they’ve been in about three years. Guhhhh.

There was a lot of talk about Safeco, and Seattle weather, and park factors, and moving in the fences. I suppose I am of the opinion that they should bring the left-center area in some amount of feet and be done with it. More than once it was mentioned that left-center is death to fly balls and then later in the game American Hero John Jaso absolutely murdered a ball over the fence in that exact area and everyone was all like LOL.

Scouting Guy Tom McNamara and assistant GM Jeff Kingston came ’round and talked with the group for a while. I don’t know, they said some things. They’re hopeful about the team. They mentioned that for many of the struggling young players this is the first time in their entire baseball career that they’re experiencing anything like real failure. That seems to me like something that’s been slightly overlooked and also something that’s very true. What it means, I’m nowhere near smart enough to know, but I will keep it in mind and use it as reason for irrational hope. I remember when I used to snowboard, that snowboarding came rather easy to me. I learned quickly and got better each week and every new challenge I gave myself wasn’t all that difficult. Then one day I started trying harder stuff and I fell a lot and hurt myself and I was like fuck this. I stopped getting better and eventually got old and quit the sport. I suppose that’s maybe what this season has been like for these young players this season, except with professional baseball instead of amateur snowboarding and a whole ocean of natural talent instead of a thimble full of moderate skill. What a piece of shit analogy.

A better summary of that point: These players have always been awesome at baseball and now they’re being bad at it for the first time in their lives and Mike Trout is a fucking freak and there is a process to this whole thing. That, and they might need Jeff Francoeur or some other old asshole in the clubhouse to teach them about life and love and God and baseball.

Ichiro was straight dropping bombs into the right field seats during batting practice. Like 75% of the contact me made during BP cleared the fence. A steady stream of lasers 10-20 rows back. It was kind of amazing and Ichiro will outlive us all.

During the aforementioned BP, Munenori Kawasaki ran down fly balls for like thirty straight minutes at 100% effort and then sprinted around the bases a few ties and aggressively slid into second base all by himself. He’s a lot of fun, that guy.

The Mariners were cool and made these special King’s Court K cards for the group. They’re different from the normal ones and say “Happy Felix Day!” on the back of them with Felix’s head as the point on the exclamation. We now have two of these rare and special artifacts and so be jealous if you do not and you’re into that sort of thing.

There was also an actual baseball game in which the Mariners scored seven whole runs and Felix Hernandez absolutely dominated. That was a good game to watch live!

Ha ha Yu Darvish. He hasn’t been a terrible pitcher this season but oh my god the walks.

Regarding Felix: I feel like I could just copy and paste the bulk of this post and call it good. Felix is very good at pitching baseballs and I love him. A better writer would break down why and how he was so completely on fire but I’ll take the easy way out and just let this video speak for itself and say that it was amazing and an honor to watch. I’ll look back on this season some day and feel very happy about being in attendance live for two of Felix’s most ascendant career starts. I’ll probably forget about the other 160 games but these two will always stick with me and that’s what makes Felix Hernandez special and invaluable. Don’t ever leave us, King.

In closing, it was a great event and a great game and the weather was perfect and it would have been hard to ask for anything more. Asking for more would also make you an asshole, so don’t be an asshole. I got to shake a few hands and express a small fraction of my appreciation to a couple of writers who are very talented and who have taught me a lot about baseball and contributed a great deal to my enjoyment of the sport. And it wasn’t nearly as awkward as it could have or should have been! A rousing success all around.

Holy shit, Felix Hernandez. That sentence could really serve as the entire post and I’d feel pretty alright about it—it would also save me some time. But nah, let’s frantically jot down a few more things about last night’s Mariners game. For posterity. The title I wrote into this draft last night does say “thoughts” plural, so the last thing I need is an avalanche of false advertising comments and accusations, and believe me, there would be an AVALANCHE.

We were in King’s Court for this game. The place in Safeco Field where they give you yellow t-shirts and yellow “K” placards and you yell and scream the whole game. It sounds kind of silly, and maybe it is, but goddamn if it isn’t a fun and exciting atmosphere. Even more so when Felix is absolutely dominating the fucking Red Sox.

Before the game, we were accosted by Alcohol Enforcement for the second time in as many trips to the ballpark (I wish I could say our behavior warranted this kind of attention, at least then it would make sort of sense and a good story, but alas, we were just standing there, acting like people). They said they remembered us but still took a half-hearted look at our identification and then gave us a stamp. The stamp was of the Mariner “S” logo so I guess it could have been a lot worse. It could have been a super lame smiley face or a flower or something stupid like that.

Sometimes I feel sorry for Mariners bloggers and I wonder how in the fuck they manged to stay active and engaged and write about this team every single GD day. Then games like this happen and I suppose it makes it all worth it. Also, they’re probably a lot more talented and motivated than I am and have greater faculties and ideas.

I’m really annoyed right now that I can’t read Lookout Landing or other Mariners related blogs. I need to write this nonsense without being influenced or colored by other people’s thoughts but I really just want to read about that awesome game.

Justin Smoak laced another well hit ball that was soon after caught on the warning track of Safeco Field. Unofficially, I think that’s the 347th time that’s happened this season. Poor bastard. Maybe he needs to just do like, 5 more pushups each day.

Casper Wells sure had a lovely game. I wasn’t able to see his second excellent catch in the 8th inning because my view was obstructed by the stands I was sitting in, but holy shit, what a nice catch. Two nice catches in a row! In a very close game at important and high leverage situations! In the top of the 9th, when he returned to the outfield, the King’s Court chanted “Casper, Casper, Casper” and he acknowledged the crowd with a hat tip and it was a very nice moment that I won’t even snark about. There some some weird hero voodoo buzzing around the stadium when he came up to bat in the bottom of the 9th like this was his game—all of that is of course nonsense but then he hit a double and later came around to score the winning run and sure why the hell not I’ll take it and it’s awesome.

Felix Hernandez.

This might have been the best Mariners game I’ve ever attended live, all things considered. Granted, I have a terrible memory and drink a lot, so who the hell knows all the other games I’ve been to. There’s something transcendent and mystical about a shitty team having it’s best player come through and utterly dominate against a really good juggernaut of a franchise. And I find pitchers more compelling than position players. Felix pitched his ass off. He threw a complete game shutout and struck out 13 on 128 pitches against the stupid Red Sox. It was a really great game to attend live and in the section named after Felix wearing a yellow shirt with his name and number on it, no less.

I couldn’t exactly see a good number of Felix’s strikeouts, because I was in a section where during every single two strike count, everyone stood up and then yelled and then raised large pieces of paper into the air with their arms. It sort of made viewing difficult sometimes. Now would be a good time to review the tape. Let’s review the tape together and then meet back here and discuss what we watched.

Yeah, that was fucking awesome.

There are few things I’ve ever enjoyed more as a Mariner’s fan than watching Felix Hernandez strut off the field, fired up and spewing intensity after a big out/inning/performance.

Objectively, in the top of the 9th inning, after an Ortiz single and Saltalamacchia walk, it would have been a good time to go to the pen for a lefty to face Adrian Gonzales. It would have been the right move, and no one would have been justified in questioning it. The King’s Court and others chanted “Let him pitch. Let him pitch,” and Felix stayed in the game and there wasn’t a single person in that stadium who wasn’t ecstatic. This is the Seattle Mariners for christsakes, Felix is literally our only good player.

On our way home, once we got off the freeway and started heading into our neighborhood, every single intersection was a green light or turned into a green light as we approached. There were a ton of wide open parking spots right in front of our apartment. Sometimes, for whatever reason, everything goes exactly how you want it to. Sometimes things just work out.