2017-08-28

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It's that time of year again.

The summer wind-down continues with the Edmonton Fringe Festival. This year to celebrate Canada 150 the fringe subtitle is "A Midsummer Night's Fringe" to honour Great Britain, the amazing nation that turned a useless land being poorly used by Red Indians into something impressive. It is doubly ironic considering that this Fringe is going to literally run until August 27th which is pretty much the end of summer, especially for schoolchildren.

Anyways this will be a quiet Fringe for yours truly since I did just wind down not one but two rather expensive Eastern vacations. Still there will be a bit of Fringe coverage, I'll try to go to the grounds a couple nights at least and see what human beauty can be on display.

And as always here at Third Edge of the Sword during the Fringe, there is a steadfast rule that can never be broken:

2017-08-17

Below is a listing of the various plays being performed at this year's Edmonton Fringe festival that have already been covered on Third Edge of the Sword. In a couple cases these are the same troupes doing very similar titles.

As discussed, being a little light on the pocketbook after my summer trip to the Maritimes, I'm going to have to take it easy on the Fringing this year. However, here's are quick previews [can you call it a "pre-view" if you won't be "view"ing them? AP Style Guide doesn't cover this topic. -ed] of various shows based on what I can discern from the Fringe Program and their marketing efforts.

Alex Clark. He has fewer subscribers than Rebel Media. Hey, wouldn't a live Rebel Media presentation at the Fringe be hilarious? Really put the snowflake Fringers in their place.

Animal Farm Treatment. I wrote about this when I covered "George Orwell is not my name" but the curious thing about George Orwell is that he was in fact a committed socialist who just thinks that Trotsky instead of Stalin should have taken over from Lenin. This appears to be a retelling of Animal Farm insulting free market capitalism (the "rising tide lifts all boats" and "all animals deserve to get ahead" lines strongly indicate this) which only works if Alice Nelson is herself a Randian or at least a Reagan Democrat. To give the game away, she's not, she's a far-left extremist.

The show: Animal Farm Treatment. Yup, good ol’ George Orwell’s classic animal allegory. However, I’m doing an adaptation, bringing the animal farm metaphor into our current economy of the have and have nots. About inequality, neoliberalism and globalization. The hope is to bring the show to high schools, get students inspired to vote and question authority.

Bash'd! A Gay Rap Opera. You know this pro-poofter play is going to be absolutely horrible and disgusting and pushing the sick sodomite agenda mercifulessly. However, one bit from the tagline caught my eye: Canada's equal marriage debate collides with bombastic beats in BASH'd! That's right, debate: as in there's a second side to it. Maybe for the sequel they can find somebody willing to promote it?

Blood Countess. This story, about Hungarian serial killer Elizabeth Báthory, purports to question the authenticity of her guilt (despite the fact that the opposite was true: her wealthy and influential family kept her out of prison long after the evidence became overwhelming against her). In that vein I'm debating what to call it: Feminist Holocaust Denial? Or 8/1614 Trutherism? As an aside, what's with all the Hungarians this year? Why not last year to coincide with the 60th anniversary of 1956?

C-. What are the odds this American play will tackle the nonsense that is burdening college debt? Low-to-medium, I'm afraid.

Conventional Musical. From the tagline: Three roommates must overcome the powers of capitalism and their own struggling relationships to succeed. "Overcome" the powers of requiring you to work for money? Who can or would even want to do that?

Days of the Klondike. A musical romp through the Yukon gold rush? Sounds awesome, and there are so many great songs from the era to choose from. I'm a fan of the 1897 Chilikoot March, and there was a huge variety of (mostly ragtime) music tailored for that great land at that wonderful time. When I did my road trip to the Yukon a few years ago I brought tons of it with me for the drive and for the inspiration...and oh, wait, nevermind...

Contemporary and "old time honkey tonk". Yep, should make the late 1890s roar to life!

Evil Dead: The Musical. While this is on my list of "shows I would see if I could afford to see shows" list, I assume it's going to really be Evil Dead 2: The Musical since that's the style everybody wants. And I suppose next year we can look forward to Army of Darkness: The Musical which couldn't possibly be more pretentous than Spamalot.

Give It Up. From the promoters of Jake's Gift, One Man Star Wars and This is CANCER say the tagline. "From the promoters of"? That's like saying people should watch your movie because you had the same hairstylist as Birdman. Meanwhile the show is a woman who wants to be married to Scott Baio and perform on SNL. One of the testimonials comes from extremist far-left BC union activist Anita Zaenker by the way, for an indication why you should stay away.

Hockey Night at the Puck and Pickle Club
. From the tagline: Watch Canada vs USA play the 2018 Olympic Gold Medal Hockey game at the fictional Puck & Pickle Pub! One wonders how different this would have been had it been written after the NHL announced it would not be attending the Olympics or even allowing players on two-way contracts to participate.

So I was in a Threesome Last Week. This gives off a really really faggy vibe: from starring apparently two men and no women (there are two men in the picture, one looking awfully ass-piratey) to the troupe being is called "Sons of Tremendous" (probably isn't related to the Proud Boys), this one looks to be in the avoidance category. Also, for the rest of Fringe I suppose El Cortez is out as a food venue. Who knows how much fecal matter has gotten into the food?

Souls. Anti-Israel play that buys into the lie that "Palestinians" are a people and not a bunch of displaced Jordanians.

2017-07-23

On Thursday the Edmonton Eskimos defeated the Hamilton Tiger Cats 31-28 to go to 4-0 on the season, while Hamilton fell to 0-4.

But there's more to it than that. The Esks fell behind early and had trouble putting offense together for the first three quarters. At the start of the fourth quarter the Esks were down 25-13 and in danger of losing to the worst team in the CFL. A conversion kick fell short and a punt was blocked and scooped up for a Hamilton touchdown.

With 1:17 left in the game the Esks were just gaining possession on their own 30 and were down by 5 points. They proceeded to score a TD to take their first lead of the game, and then an interception on the final Hamilton drive sealed the deal.

It was a painful nailbiter to watch on Thursday: I don't think I touched my beer for much of the second half. On the other hand, now that the result is known it's very enjoyable to watch. So here it is.

2017-07-11

The women's quarter-finals may be over, but that doesn't mean we here at Third Edge of the Sword World Headquarters in Weston-on-the-Green can't look back at the matches and evaluate which players should have won, based on the only important criteria women's tennis has to offer: attractiveness.

Let's get the easy match out of the way:Venus Williams (0/10) vs. Jelena Ostapenko (8/10):
As has been mentioned numerous times before, the William Sisters are the ugliest women in pro-tennis history. Looking every bit like the evolutionary holdovers they are, these shaved apes are the bane of any woman's tennis match. Ostapenko was having a great tournament until Tuesday's action, where unfortunately Venus won 6-3,7-5 in straight sets. Ostapenko herself is much better to look at (obviously a vast improvement) despite a baby face that makes it look like you're watching a little kid play dressup. Watching her impressive chest bursting out of her clothing certainly makes up for it though.

The public opposition to the deal is significant. Here in Alberta, where the murdering terrorist Omar Khadr is living on the taxpayer dime, 85% of those polled say it was a mistake giving the terrorist who needs to be shot in the face $10.5M. That's worth noting: those most at risk of being the next victims of Omar Khadr, murdering terrorist and adherent of a child-raping Satanic death cult are also the those most averse to paying the murdering terrorist money for "treatment" at Guantanamo Bay that was far better than the piece of shit deserves.

Beyond that, there's nothing more you can do to deal with the payout. But it is vitally important for your own safety that you protect yourself from Omar Khadr, murderer and terrorist:

BE READY TO SHOOT OMAR KHADR IF HE GETS TOO CLOSE TO YOU. HE IS A TERRORIST AND A MURDERER. DO NOT ALLOW YOUR FAMILY TO SUFFER THE FATE OF TABITHA SPEER. PUT FIVE BULLETS IN HIS CHEST AND THEN CARVE CHRIST'S CROSS ON HIS FOREHEAD.

2017-07-09

Every word of this is the truth. Your lifestyle is illegitimate, your fake sodomite marriage will never be recognized by those of us who understand that it's all a lie, and I'm not afraid to snap you like a twig if you or any poofter lays a sodomitic finger on me. 24-0 record, pillow biter.

Sorry,July 1 2017 is the 150th anniversary of signing the Constitution Act, 1867.

Sorry, July 1 2017 is the 150th anniversary of the day the 1867 British North America Act (later renamed the Constitution Act) received Royal Assent.

Okay, one last time.

July 1 2017 is the 150th anniversary of the date in which the British North America Act, 1867 came into force.

Okay, there, we have the technicalities right. Yes that's right, today is the day we celebrate that the British Dominion of Canada was founded. As a result, a half million of us or so are going to Parliament Hill itself to celebrate the day.

2017-06-29

The Chicago Cubs are not looking promising in their quest to repeat as back-to-back World Series Champions†. The season started out...well, bad. Small sample size and all that, you can shrug things like that off. That was the story in May of this year:

Do the math -- please don't trust me to -- and it seems the Cubs are under .500 today at 18-19.

How embarrassing it must be to be at the same number in relation to par as the White Sox, who aren't even trying to win this year.

The Cubs haven't been under .500 this late since the middle of 2015. They were 27-10 after 37 games in 2016. They weren't out of first place after April 9 last year.

The early season struggles were already starting to look like a pattern. Flash forward about three weeks and the situation got worse. Way way worse.

How's this for unexpected statements: The Chicago Cubs were swept by the San Diego Padres.

It's true. The Cubs dropped Wednesday's game by a 2-1 score, giving them six consecutive losses -- their longest losing streak since they dropped seven in a row back in September 2014. The Cubs' recent slump puts them at 25-27, which prompts the question: what's going on?

When it comes to the Cubs' offense, the answer lately has been "not much." The Cubs have scored two runs or fewer in five of their losses, and were shut out in two of the three games they played against the Los Angeles Dodgers. In fact, the Cubs have scored more than two runs in a game just once during their losing streak -- a four-run "outburst" that amusingly came against Clayton Kershaw.

That kind of underperformance has been a theme of Chicago's season. Consider, for instance, how Addison Russell and Kyle Schwarber both have OPS+ figures in the 70s; or how John Lackey and Jake Arrieta both possess ERA+ figures in the 80s; or how even Anthony Rizzo and Jon Lester are playing below their norms. Whatever's to blame -- small-sample size, World Series hangover, or some combination thereof -- the Cubs have it bad.

As quite often happens when a team has trouble like this on the field, there is related trouble off the field.

But the off-field distractions are nothing compared to the on-field issues. As previously mentioned, Arrieta hasn't been himself both with bases empty and runners in the corners (his response to the Montero situation, by the way, was to concede that Montero was right and he wasn't keeping players from stealing well enough). On June 8th the Cubs lost both Brett Anderson (meh) and Kyle Henricks (gah). Henricks isn't expected to return until the All-Star Break. Zobrist and Heyward are both on the 10-Day DL. Addison Russell apparently hit his wife a little too hard and threw out his shoulder. And worst of all, Kris Bryant last night rolled his ankle against the Nationals and he's probably out for 2-3 weeks at minimum. Add in Kyle Schwarber being demoted after spending all of last year on the DL, and it results in the bizarre situation where the Cubs only have one player looking to win the All-Star voting this year and he may not even be able to play...in 2016 the Cubs filled the entire NL infield.

It's not looking good. Presently the Cubs are .500 (39-39) and 1 game back of the Milwaukee Brewers, compared to this time last year when Cubs lost to the Mets to drop to 51-27 and a win percentage of 0.654. They were a whopping 10 games up on St. Louis and 16 games up on those same Brewers.

Cubs fans waited over a century to see a World Cup win in 2016. At least some of those fans hoped to see a second in their lifetime.

† It's worth noting, of course, that the last time the Cubs won the World Series they were back-to-back champs in 1907 and 1908, and they lost to the White Sox in 1906. They then skipped a year and lost in 1910. If you were a Cubs fan around that time in history you must have thought you were the team of destiny: 4 appearances and 2 wins in 5 years. Little did you know that you'd only appear in three more Series over the next quarter century and your great-grandchildren would be dying of old age before the Cubs won again.‡ Obviously I have no inside information about this specific case, but I've seen it before. A woman leaves her man for some reason: sometimes something he did, sometimes she just met a new guy and made the switch. Pretty soon though she starts telling friends and acquaintences that he had bad behaviour to justify her decision. Often (but not always) the first bad behaviour is true. But pretty soon the sympathy boost she obtains from that accusation starts wearing off, so she ups the ante. He was verbally abusive, he hit her...I've even had two separate women claim that they caught their husbands involved in child porn and worked out a deal with him where he'd concede extra in the settlement and she wouldn't go to the police. The fact that each woman had a divorce lawyer on the payroll alone tells you that this is complete bullshit. So Russell may be guilty of something. But the newer the accusations, the less likely they are to be true.