Please Refer To John Travolta For All Ankle-Related Injuries

“John Travolta — is there anything he can’t do?” you wonder to yourself after a screening of Be Cool, your favorite John T. movie if you had to choose, while throwing his Christmas album onto the record player. “I just love him so much. I bet there’s nothing he can’t do.” You stare wistfully at a photograph of him in his iconic role of Danny Zuko in the 1978 film Grease – “Well, that is, nothing within the realm of human possibility. I bet he couldn’t, like, fly or whatever, or heal car wreck victims just by placing his hands on them. I bet he couldn’t do either of those, but he can do anything else.” And that is why you are a shitty John Travolta fan who doesn’t even know anything about him at all. From E! Online:

The Savages star and Scientologist claimed he helped a car-crash survivor who was suffering from pain from a broken ankle, by using a Scientology procedure called “an assist,” according to Scientology publication Celebrity Magazine.

In the story, reported by Celebuzz, Travolta related the incident to the mag, saying, “I was in Shanghai recently at a work event and the Master of Ceremonies’ best friend had recently gotten into a car wreck. He had broken his ankle and was in constant pain. I asked him permission to do some Scientology assists and he said, ‘Okay, sure’.”

“People were standing around watching as I did them,” the Golden Globe winner continued in the article titled “John Travolta: Stayin’ Very Alive.” “You could actually see him confronting the pain and after a while he looked up at me and said, ‘I feel better,’ so I said ‘Okay, end of assist.’

Car Wreck Guy: My ankle hurts from the car wreck I was in.John Travolta: Do I have permission to do some Scientology assists?Car Wreck Guy: Uhh–John Travolta: Ok, here I go!Car Wreck Guy: I FEEL BETTER.John Travolta: Okay, end of assist.

“Okay, end of assist.” Hahah. What a wonderful story. We are truly blessed to live in the time of such a talented healer. Your hero John Travolta is so much greater than you even knew!

I love the fact that this guy was apparently working and traveling with a broken ankle that doesn’t seem to have received any actual medical care? It’s actually really hard to tell if he was working or not. As far as I can tell, John Travolta was at a work event that had a master of ceremonies who had a best friend, and that’s as far as I was able to comprehend.

Wait, is the magazine called “Celebrity Magazine”?!?! Like, that’s the NAME of the Scientology magazine about celebrities (which, itself, is already a weird thing? if it didn’t have that weird title?!)?!

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