Friday, December 26, 2014

One Week of Reflection: Major Turbulence

In an effort to celebrate the amazing things that God has done in my
life in 2014, and to reflect on how He has moved, I am dedicating the
next week (up until 2015) to reflect on what I've learned throughout
2014.
Today, I reflect on March and April 2014, which I title the "Major Turbulence" months.

These were the months that my life took a drastic turn and that changed me for the rest of my life. I can't remember any other time I went through such an altering.
Lucy was due to come April 1st, but I was scheduled to be induced end of March.
March 10th, however, Lucy had her own ideas, and "popped" her own bubble to come quicker.
I had a c-section to get our little bundle here and I can't tell you how amazing it was to meet my little girl and see her for the first time. It was love at first sight with her.
I was in ICU for the first night after having her (precaution), and didn't get to see her as much as I would have liked.
We got home with Lucy and it was most definitely a struggle. She had her days and nights mixed up. She was colicky. And I was still dealing with the c-section recovery, as well as on many different meds that made me feel funky. I wasn't really sure how to feel that week, so I assumed all of the lack of sleep, meds and the arena of new motherhood were all taking its toll on me.

On Sunday, March 23rd, just over a week of having Lucy home from the
hospital, we went to Meijer to get groceries and just get out of the
house. The night before I took a shower to try and get rid of a migraine and
felt like I would pass out. I slept it off and felt better though. I
wasn't really sure how to feel at this point since I had been through a
c-section and spent nights up with Lucy, so I knew I wouldn't feel 100%.
But in Meijer, it solidified that something more was wrong.

I walked into the store from the car, while Mark pushed a cart with Lucy
in it. I couldn't catch my breath. It was the oddest, and most eerie
feeling ever. I can't even explain it. I tried to pass it off as either
not exercising in months or a panic attack. I decided to wait in the
pharmacy area while Mark grabbed our shopping list. He came back and I
attempted to walk back out to the car, feeling better than I had walking
in. But again, the same "can't catch my breath" feeling returned. So,
next stop was the ER.

Judging by the crazy rate they got me in, I knew I probably looked like
crap. I didn't know it at the time, by my O2 saturation was in the 60's
(that's 60%, when you're supposed to be upper 90's or 100.) I was
covered in wires and tubes in a matter of minutes. I felt better, but
something wasn't right. After getting a CT Scan, we learned I had a
significant blood clot in my lungs. The ER doc didn't feel comfortable
moving forward there due to the size and my previous condition. So, I
got a helicopter ride to GR.

I finally began to panic for the first time that whole night. Even when I
couldn't breathe in Meijer, I felt like it was nothing. I had the eerie
feelings, but not the panic feeling. Now, I was in the panic/what will
happen feeling. I must say I enjoyed my ride. The sun was just setting
over Lake Michigan, and the snow actually sparkled on the ground below. I
felt warm and hopeful, and was reminded of God's love and comfort as I
watched the impressive scenery whirling by outside.

We arrived in GR in 30 minutes! I was quite impressed with the timing.
From there, I remembered being wheeled through many hallways, with the
helicopter guy keeping the mood light the whole time. I was quite
grateful for him in those moments. The people God sent to me throughout
this whole ordeal was perfect timing for when I needed them. We got to
the room, and again, more wires, tubes and poking.

I don't remember too much more from before my surgery except for finding
out I'd need surgery, and the terror that I felt. It wasn't just any
surgery. There would be opening my sternum (again) and bypass and heart
& lung machines. Dr. Haw explained it, and only a few things stuck
with me, like those descriptions. By this time, I had Mark, his dad,
Seth and Eric there, as I had texted them to let them know what was going on. Again, very grateful to have that support in this
critical time. Visitors are great when things settle down, but having
core people around you as you endure the unknown is a necessity.

I felt scared, but hopeful, and surprisingly at a certain peace that I
knew came straight from heaven. Dr. Haw was so confident, but very
careful with his wording. He made us aware that he had never faced a
situation quite like mine, but he knew exactly the condition I had and
how to work around it. He was quite hopeful and positive, but still made
the risk very evident.

Everyone there prayed with me. It was probably one of the hardest
prayers I ever contributed to. I kissed my husband and was taken back to
surgery.

From there, things are blank. But I woke up. God had decided my work
wasn't done. I still had a little girl to raise and work to do. Recovery
the few days after were rough. I remember that. I felt like I had been
hit by a bus, as every bone, muscle and joint hurt. I spent about 4 days
in the ICU, then was transferred to the heart center where I spent the
next 2 weeks.

I got to visit Lucy every few days, thanks to the people who brought her
to see me, as well as many friends. All were so encouraging to my
healing process. Along the way, I learned just how incredibly lucky and
blessed I was. They had pulled a 7 inch clot out of my lungs... 7
inches!!!! Plus, my condition had actually been a blessing, as I has
larger blood vessels that allowed blood flow to continue around the
clot. I shouldn't have made it through this, yet God wanted me to. He
had the best doctors there, and His hand was what brought me though.

Seeing Lucy the first time after surgery in the ICU.

This was how I watched the sunrise each morning, as it reflected off the children's hospital.

Visiting Lucy was so great, but every time she had to leave, it broke me.

This story goes on further, and it continues even today, but hopefully
it will be in book format someday, and told in a more creative way. The
bottom line is that God worked in my life in incredible ways, and I want
to tell the world about the miracles He still does and be a light for
Him through all of this.

I call this story in particular "Easy Faith" because it can be so easy to seek
God's face when things are at their lowest. When all the cards are
stacked against us and when we have no where to look, but up. However,
when we remember these incredible things God does for us, then apply
that faith in the times that are awesome and great in life, we have
faith indeed. Let this inspire you to always look to Him alone.
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