At Demanding Joy, we work with people who want to change something about their lives. Our clients come to us wanting to feel better, look better, get more done, have more fun, and make more money. All beautiful dreams! But before we plan a path from here to there, we have to look at the motivations behind them and the quality of life every step of the way.

Your motivation for change matters a lot. Why do you want what you want? For example:

If you’re trying to lose weight, are you adding clean, healthy food when you’re hungry in order to feel more vibrant? Or are you eating weird, chemically diet concoctions and starving yourself to feel less shitty about your body?

One is nourishing and one is toxic.

Are you doing exercise you enjoy that gets your blood moving? Or are you struggling really hard to beat your body into submission.

One is nourishing and one is toxic.

Are you working a million hours a week because you love your work and and it energizes you to take on new challenges? Or do you hate your job, but work so hard for fear of letting others down?

One is nourishing and one is toxic.

Are you cramming more and more stuff onto your to-do list and then hating yourself for not getting it all done? Or do you delegate one thing before you take on another?

One is nourishing and one is toxic.

Are you not acting like yourself in your relationship because you’re inspired to be a lovelier person? Or because you’re afraid that your partner won’t accept the real you?

One is nourishing and one is toxic.

Whatever your goals, are you punishing yourself or nourishing yourself in order to achieve them? This is serious - the quality of your life matters. Not the quality of your someday goal life, but your real, right now, every day life. It’s important to reach for the stars. It’s imperative that you stretch your comfort zone and change and grow and have adventures. But it’s really important that you do it for the right reasons.

There’s a huge difference between self-discipline and self-deprivation. You mind, your body, and your spirit can all feel the difference. For example, doing high-intensity workouts that you hate will actually slow your metabolism and screw up your cortisol levels (ask me how I know). White-knuckling it through a diet you hate will prove ineffective and unsustainable. Being a workaholic will lead to burnout, not success.

You can’t plant a seed and then scream at it, “You grow and then you’ll deserve some water!” That seed will never grow without the proper nourishment and care. And neither will you.