Spoof news stories from Friday 13 November 2009

"Hold it right there!" the skinny guy in the bad suit shouts.
He's stood behind a goggle eyed woman, one hand clamped over her mouth, the other holding a knife to her throat.
"You take one step...just one step and she's history. I mean it."
The woman squeals.
Buck, Abel Zorro and Nick exchange furtive glances.
Abel Zorro steps forward, AK in one hand, sabre in the other. His eyes na...

"You don't even realize anything's missing" says one pleased fan "He's locked into the Thriller stage permanently but that's my favorite look of Michael's anyway."
The upswing to Michael's ragged visage is that while it used to take over five hour...

John Allen Muhammed the so called Beltway Sniper executed by lethal injection for twelve murders from the trunk of his car picked a metal coffin for his burial according to the USA prison service.
The now deceased prisoner was so happy in the boot...

Gordon "as popular as Idi Amin" Brown has announced a new vote-grabbing idea to try to rescue his flagging image.
Brown, reeling after the James/Janes scandal and the much publicised Super Soaraway "Stun" expose of his atrocious child-like handwri...

The new Rehab On Wheels is proving very popular with movie stars and singers and now has 12 vehicles ready to roll.
"We can run up to NYC and pick up Winehouse or Lohan and come back to Nashville and pick up a dozen or so and then make a stop in...

Angelina Jolie has decided to consult with Ocotomom, Nadya Sulemon on how to have several kids at one time.
"I love children", stated the beautiful lady.....Angelina, not Octomom. "This way I can have from 2-8 and get it over with at one time."...

Barcelona are desperate to sign Wayne Rooney to join Zlatan and Messi, only problem is Rooney looks like a distorted, pregnant, balding piglet, oh those ears man!
Barcelona have offered to beat the world record singing of Ronaldo to Real but insi...

The Irish are willing to attempt anything to beat the French in their play-off's for the World Cup finals in South Africa 2010.
First they sent Irish/Italien trainer, Trappatoni to spy on them disguised as Roy Keane, this failed because the securi...

Along with NASA's unprecedented announcement today that water has been discovered on the moon, came a joint press release from the Department of Homeland Security: The moon has been proliferating nuclear weapons, as well as harboring terrorists, and...

(Chicago-IL) Sarah Palin pulled no punches according to sources that were able to view "The Oprah Winfrey Show" interview taped Wednesday. In it, Palin denies Levi Johnston's claim that she wanted to prioritize an audio release of her memoir, "Going...

Barack Obama has issued an Executive Order to The Department of Education, requiring that new standards be set for the teaching of children in public schools. The order is to be known as Executive Order #57 (after the number of states he claims are...

Psycho Town Recap: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
6.21am
O' Halloran parks on the far side of the street to Bastard Plaza. The place is a dumping ground for all the low-life scum in the city. O' Halloran knows this because he used to live here until he was evicted for playing Rastafarian music loud during Mormon holidays.
Both the detective and the robo female get out and cross the str...

SAGINAW, Michigan - The Reverend Al Sharpton speaking at a convention to get the name of the Blackberry changed to the African-American Berry was asked what he thought about the way that the country music world had treated hip-hop rap artist Kanye We...

Washington DC- Press secretary Robert Gibbs announced today that president Obama after meeting with his top aides has reached the conclusion that the Sun is and has been the cause of global warming.
A surprise to democrats everywhere, the st...

The controversial twins, John and Edward or Jedward are all over the news and some are jumping on the bandwagon while others seem to gag.
Singer Robbie Williams, a controversial figure himself, stated on a radio program that he loves the guys.

The Top 20 Most Borrowed Nudist Books From The World's Most Interesting Man, Fernando Monte Verde's Library
(Usually kept at the mansion of Fernando Monte Verde, but these are kept for guests aboard his yacht, The Conquest. They are all first editions and signed by the authors.)
20. The Bobbitt
19. Pride & Pecker, Just
18. Lord Of The Penis Rings
17. Wee Willie's Wanker
16.

A cat called "Thatcher" died, it was his ninth life by the way, and has caused an uproar in the world of politics.
The owner, Canadian transport minister, sent a text message to the Canadian Prime Minister confirming "Thatchers" death. Thinking it...

LOS ANGELES - A representative for MGM has reported that Joan Rivers, 91, Grandma Lee, 92, and Cloris Leachman, 96, will soon begin filming the motion picture Charlie's Angels - The Varicose Vein Years.
The script was written by the husband and wi...

Fernando Monte Verde, the international playboy and billionaire who has been called The World's Most Interesting Man, may be the illegitimate son of the late actor Ricardo Montalban. Montalban, most famous recently as Mr. Roarke in Fantasy Island, p...

Fernando Monte Verde, the International Playboy, jet setter, and billionaire known as The World's Most Interesting Man fell asleep at The Dos Lagos Celebrity Golf Tournament yesterday. Tournament organizers, who were paying him a large fee for showi...

The famous panel judge on many a television reality show, Simon Cowell is reportedly doing better after being declared dead only last night.
Doctors at the British Hospital say that Cowell walked into the emergency section late last night looking...

WASHINGTON DC - According to my source, Heinze Kissinger, Obama has been rated the 'worlds most interesting man' by a large beer company owned by one of his former presidential rivals.
In secret talks between the beer company and Obama, it was put...

Former Baywatch babe Pamela Anderson will help lift the gloom this winter as she stars in her first ever UK panto.
The move has come about after the blonde bombshell's star has dimmed somewhat in her native America.
The 43 year old actress said...

For many, hospital food has long been derided.
In a report published in 1997, families told how their loved ones had simply 'given up and died' rather than face another day of hospital food. The NHS hit back by insisting their meals were 'nutriou...

Once dubbed 'the playboy prince', Harry is now on the verge of growing up.
The Prince, who is said to be devoted to his charity for orphans in Africa, is to launch a new fragrance, Wheef! to raise funds for the cause.
Said his spokesman: "Prin...

As Miss Marple reached for her knitting needles she heard the ting of a bicycle bell, and looking out of her window she saw the imposing figure of the village policeman Sergeant Constable coming up her path, and then there was a knock on the door.
'Why, good morning, Sergeant', she said, and then opened the door, 'what can I do for you?' 'Could I have a word with you, Miss Marple?' 'Certainly,...

A new Olympic sport has been announced that is set to debut at London 2012.
'Jumping on the Bandwagon' will be open only to established politicians, although officials are believed to be considering an exception for Simon Cowell and Katie Price.

The jury has finally decided in the Amy Winehouse stalker case and have declared one Michael Jeppards of New Jersey guilty but insane.
"You honor, this man Jeppards is obviously a mental case. Just look at his diary. "Followed my Amy into the bar on Second Avenue, followed her into another bar on Third and Vine, then followed her to a third bar that I can no longer remember as that was six hour...

Following his recent ridiculing on the Spoof web site regarding his spelling error in a letter to a deceased soldier's mother, the Spoof received a strongly worded letter from the pen of the PM himself.
Deer Spoof.Con,
Inn you're resent articul ewe had the timerety too ridicool my speling. Eye bee leave that this was injust hand complitely unfare. Eye was the fourtunate resipient of a privet...

SAN ANTONIO - The world's most interesting man, Fernando Monte Verde, has come to the second largest city in Texas to meet with Amos Bob Figginfacker, owner of El Rancho Se Habla Grande Ranch located just outside of San Antonio.
Monte Verde who ha...

In a tradition that dates back to the time of the first white European navigators, the federal government, composed mostly of old white men, will change the name of the Hawaiian islands to something more Aryan- they will be renamed the 'Bob Islands'.

NASHVILLE - Taylor Swift, the 19-year-old country music sweetheart, has captured four awards for her work.
The blonde singer from Wyomissing, Pennsylvania won awards for Best Female Vocalist, Best Music Video, Best Album, and Entertainer of The Y...

NASHVILLE - Nineteen-year-old Taylor Swift captured four music awards. The talented blonde from Pennsylvania won awards for Best Album of The Year, Best Female Vocalist of The Year, Best Music Video of The Year, and the highly coveted Entertainer of...

Our friends tread carefully into the dilapidated house.
It's a dump, but at least they can hear the raging storm outside, so they understand that they are rapidly approaching freedom...
When a voice cuts them all to the quick.
As opposed to cutting them to the slow.
Which would be taking dramatic license too far.
All they could hear prior to this interruption was the sound of their...

The third and last installment of the Government Philosopher series looks at present-day experts on how government works. These people have built on the work of philosophers of the past and added a modern flavour. All of these four people are still making contributions to the advancement of the government system.
Annie Portner-Storum (1965 - present)
An experienced Minister Ms Porter-Storum...