The world says you're old, but you're still hot AF.

PARIS HAUTE COUTURE FASHION WEEK 2017: Highlights

Can we talk about what a whirlwind it’s been? Politics and end of the world aside, Molls and I have just been reeling from our recent trip to Paris to see the haute couture collections. Feathers, sequins, feathers AND sequins, volume, volume and MORE VOLUME. We were also completely thrilled to be invited to walk a couple of shows – it’s absolutely AMAZING what a social media presence will do for you nowadays. The designers thought it so chic and so forward to have two not-quite-old-but-definitely-too-old-for-this REAL WOMEN on the runway. Agreed.

Mollsy-face, what were your favorite looks this season?

MOLLY: Just put me in an ambiguous look and I am good to GO. Is this a nightgown? Is this a gown gown? Is this a wedding dress OHMYGODAMIGETTINGMARRIED? Regardless, if I’m about to go to sleep or walk down an aisle (read: runway), this Valentino covers everything. I just want to slink around with this pleated beauty swishing around my body. Occasionally in Chicago I do need to leave the house though, so the Giambattista Valli feathered fur coat dress is really speaking to me. I’m so glad I got a chance to walk in it in the show and style it with a classic Molly – winter clothes, strappy heels. Snow what? CHANEL THO. I do not yet know the event that calls for a silver sequined cut out shoulder fur armed mock turtleneck fur trimmed flounce trimmed ankle length DRESS and I also don’t care. I’ll see you at that event when I find it. In this dress that drips with perfection.

ON MOLLY: VALENTINO, GIAMBATTISTA VALLI, CHANEL / Images via Vogue

MOLLY: Sometimes you just want to feel like your true self, confident and beyond gorgeous. And when that feeling calls, I want to only look like a dead sea creature washed ashore in a foamy tide and frozen into a crystallized fossil. Don’t you? Iris Van Herpen can take you there.

ON MOLLY: Iris Van Herpen / Image via Vogue

VERONICA: You look absolutely gorgeous, no exaggeration. I would say the same if you had just photoshopped your face onto a bunch of 18 yr old model bodies or something equally insane. But truly, we need to talk about how great you look in that Giambattista Valli wide headband/scarf thing. I mean, standing ovation, Molly.

I’m so sorry I missed seeing it all in person, but I was running across town doing this:

I just pulled out my faves, because obvs. That black, peplumed, ruffled, collared, 3/4 ruffled cuffed, bust-gathered, shoulder-padded, harem pant dream outfit sent me straight into space when they brought out that gold snake belt. Thank you, Ulyana Sergeenko. THANK YOU. And for this girl who loves nothing more than a high collar AND giant Elizabethan ruffs, this Victor and Rolf look was everything. My head looked like a perfect little harlequin candied ham – the men couldn’t get enough of me! AND THIS ELIE SAAB. !!! People, this is me every day in my head. If we’re talking, and I’m wearing jeans or something stupid, and I’m not entirely paying attention to you, it’s because I’m busy imagining myself in this feathered, beaded, silk, half-lounging pajama/half-Zsa Zsa Gabor courtroom outfit. Also, I think I need to start wearing my hair like that. I haven’t before, because of the ear thing, but that’s been figured out, so I think we’re all good.

One thing I loved about all of these looks was that I literally looked at least a full foot taller than my 5’4″ frame. The power of proportion! Speaking of …

ON VERONICA: Maison Margiela / Image via The Cut

Nothing feels sexier than looking like an actual pinhead. AND nothing feels more delicious than 100 yards of silk taffeta, molded by the hands of John Galliano for Maison Margiela. Industry secret: I actually had all of the other looks hidden underneath this one for quick changes. So profesh.

And as professionals, we knew to make time for a quick runway selfie at the end of our final show …

ON MOLLY: Rose Depp in Chanel (which is literally almost exactly this Ginger Rogers dress from Swing Time), ON VERONICA: Karl Lagerfeld in Karl Lagerfeld