Thursday, March 6, 2014

Prop Comedy: Keeping It Up

Sadly, on my way home, the technical issues continued. Placing the Fly6 on my seatpost, I turned it on. However, instead of getting the swirly "Knight Rider"-esque light indicating the camera was rolling, I instead got a blinking light indicating I have no idea what.

Now, when I plug the Fly6 into my computer, my computer fails to recognize it.

Looks like I will have to ask the company for some insight, but in the meantime I am reminded of why I hate incorporating electronic gadgetry into my bicycle-cycling. It's been ten years since I've used so much as a basic cycling computer, partially because they always seem to break, and partially because at this point in my life the only information I really need while riding is the time of day.

I only hope Fly6 doesn't want the camera back for inspection, because there's some embarrassing footage on there that is totally not mine and must be from a friend who looks a little bit like me and who asked to borrow it for a few hours.

Anyway, we shall see if the Fly6 needs to be FlyDeepSixed.

Also, various commenters yesterday had all manner of questions, observations, suggestions, criticisms, and so forth with regard to my traveling bicycle, as pictured here, because we're all bike dorks, and that's what bike dorks do:

Perhaps the most vexing of these comments was one accusing me of using too many locks, which seems like an odd thing to say. The fact of the matter is that, when I returned to the bicycle, it was still there in toto, which would seem to me to indicate that I used exactly the right number of locks. Furthermore, barring imminent zombie attack, I really can't envision a situation in which a surfeit of locks would pose any sort of a problem. By the same logic, I'm also using too many spokes.

As of press time, the current bid is $25,602.00, and I'll be disappointed if it doesn't ultimately go for six figures:

Though already the seller has doubled his investment:

Comes with an autographed photo of Paul Ruebens, a photo of him signing the photo, letter/certificate of authenticity, warner bro plans/spec sheet on the red cargo boxes. I am the third owner. I bought it in 2010 for $10,000. Selling because my family is getting larger.

Wow.

Sadly, all my money's tied up in bitcoin, but I wonder if he'd sell, separately, the photo of Paul Reubens autographing a photo of Paul Reubens, because that sounds delightfully "meta."

Anyway, twenty-five grand is certainly a bargain for Pee-Wee's bike, especially because you know it has everything: the lion-face loudspeaker, the oil slick, the breakaway handlebar grip... Moreover, I bet he's continued to upgrade it over the years, and I wonder if it has a "Le-N-Lo," as forwarded by a reader:

The Le-N-Lo is merely the latest in a seemingly endless procession of inventions marketed by men who refuse to take old age lying down--and by "take old age lying down" I mean "get a freaking recumbent already:"

Hey, I can certainly understand not going gentle into that good night, but if you actually need to prop up your body with a telescoping strut in order to finish your ride, then it's probably too late for you to go recumbent, and you may be about to do a full Tom Simpson. In fact, Tom Simpson would be a great posthumous spokesman for the Le-N-Lo:

I'm sure an English person is going to get upset over this, but I stand by it.

Oh, and lastly--Kim, if you're reading, someone is looking for you:

Kim from Brooklyn - m4w - 37 (Flatiron)age : 37 body art : tattoos facial hair : beardWe met on the street when you asked me about my pink handle bar grips, and we exchanged numbers. You had an amazing back tattoo of the Virgin Mary and giving you oral sex was always a good time! Remember the first time? That was so much fun! Going down on you was one of my favorite things to do.I was a bike messenger who used to come visit you and your dog in Brooklyn and it was always comfortable, relaxing, and fun there. We had fun together, I just want to apologize for losing touch with you over the years, and that I always had fun with you!I'm bummed I lost your email address years ago, I wanted to say hello and tell you why I was all crazy back then. Your dog's name started with an F and you rode a custom built bike, which you always looked good on. (It's true!) [I even remember the color!]Anyways, who knows if you're even still in NY, but I just wanted to post this because I was thinking about you. (If you have an inkling of who I am, get back at me!)

Is there some web site where you can get ultra cheesy generic music for bad backyard inventor infomercials? Must be, because the Le-N-Lo folks sure found some.

But what I really want to know is what happens when you're using one, and hit something in the classic "fly over the handlebar" category. Does the bike go with you? Does an airbag deploy from out of the black foam pad?

"but in the meantime I am reminded of why I hate incorporating electronic gadgetry into my bicycle-cycling. It's been ten years since I've used so much as a basic cycling computer, partially because they always seem to break, and partially because at this point in my life the only information I really need while riding is the time of day."

Sounds like the good people at Fly-6 should have done some more performance testing on their product before they shipped it to a popular bike blogger. My takeaway is that it is a worthless piece of crap that will last about a week and then break. It has the same life cycle of an Apple product. Which is a bummer because I really enjoyed the ride footage.

I'm not a man who cares too much what others think of my appearance, as anyone who has seen my wardrobe can attest, but the thought of my clubmates' faces if we pulled away from the caff and I winched a...a...a fucking Robo-cock into position and rested my sternum on it...dear me.

Agreed on electronics being of little improvement to the actual bicycling. On my last club ride, a newbie found that the battery for the electronic shifting on a new bike was dead. Most expensive single speed on the ride. Remember when the rusted out cables would break on your friend's high school 10-speed, and they could only use 5th gear. It was like that. (Styling plus -- the Di2 deraileurs are a return to the look of the Shimano Eagle. Fabulous!)

I don't wish to cause a ruckus, but there's too many things wrong with that traveling bike of Snobby's to remain silent.

The proportions are all wrong, the Brooks is out of keeping on that bike and its nose points too high, the couplers gratingly lack the distressed look of the rest of the frame and silver on brown -- blerk, those pedals and cranks on that "classic" frame are kooky, the spacers' colour scheme is a sick joke, only one bottle cage on the seat tube when you have facility for a down tube bottle cage is a deliberate insult to the righteous, the long presta valves on those rims is prissy and preposterous, having cabling running along the upper side of the top tube is a bad idea at the best of times because it compromises the cool insouciant-sitting-on-the-top-tube-when-hanging-out practice and confoundingly this bike has those odd fittings exacerbating the discomfort, having a contemparary-looking black seat post and stem compounds the thoughtlessness evident in the rest of the ensemble and there's no sadder, dispiriting sight than a "traveling bike" which has seat stay rack eyelets but no actual rack installed.

In short, this is a Frankenstein's monster of a bike, but even more disagreeable in appearance. An abomination compiled by an obviously troubled soul.

lockno = lockno +1' this is the additional lock' to secure "whatever was stolen"' from being stolen againif IsStolen(Lock)=true then lockno = lockno + 1' if "whatever was stolen"' was a lock, this is an' additional lock to replace itend if

Forget all this talk about a recumbent. I thought the same until I borrowed my brother's Ryan for awhile. It was horrible. If you can't stay upright on a D-frame don't get on one of those. The worst was trying to start going uphill on gravel. I guess I shoulda gotten a gravel bent for that.

But I will say that since then I've test ridden a couple trikes. If / when snob really puts on some years, he find something like the adventure trike is the only thing to keep old farts upright.

I sometimes ride with a neighbor who rocks steel framed bikes (with the drop loopie bars like they ride in the TDF or whatever) at age 74 and he kicks some ass. No need to change if you keep on rolling. I hope it works for me

Wow! What a day! OMG snobbers thank you for Kim from Brooklyn. You gotta love a bit of lovin... And thank you for strap-on boner dude with the rotator cuff issues, too! L.O.L. :D I have roataor cuff issues, too, from the kersplatsky landing after my epic fall, and I learned that the only way to support weak joints is with strong muscles. Poor silly strap-on muppet is just too soft in the middle to finish his ride, bless his heart. He needs yoga.

MMMMM bike porn. If I were the wife whose man walked in with PeeWee's bike... well, let's just say we'd have to name it juicy. RCT - ++ Right? If ever there was a place for a fin!

Don't deep six the fly6 just yet... there's prolly an easy fix.Stellar day. Loved the line about not needing gadgets. Loved it. You're so right - when I'm on a bike I am present... you made me wonder whether I REALLY even need the time of day.

I've been looking forward to reading this all day long, and man was it worth the wait! There were soooo many wicked comments we'll have to throw a big bash just to celebrate, but I Roille Figners you take the cake today. I love the code poems. I wonder if that's what the 21st century limerick will look like.

Oh! And pink canoe might be two words, but it's definitely describing a singular thing...

Went on a snow ride today and was doing a big climb with only a 10 inch wide strip of pave and I felt like Andy Hampster and then I topped the Stevelio or whatever and came out in a housing project and lil black kids cheered me on. It was awesome.

Anon's video of the geezer taking a flying lesson at 3:16 is hysterical. I was torn between falling off my chair laughing, and trying to work up some concern as to whether the old chap was still in one piece or not.

Holy Shit

There's nothing wrong with recumbents, in fact...there is everything RIGHT with recumbents!!! :D

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!