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LIU Atlas - Mercor . There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.
. LIU Atlas - Mercor
The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Traditionally, we try to show you viewers some of the LIU’s more obscure worlds, but today, we’re breaking the mold. Today, we’re visiting one of the LIU’s most important and well known planets, Mercor. Mercor is one of the LIU’s fourteen Ecumenopoli, or planet-wide cities. It sports a population close to one trillion people. More importantly, Mercor sits at the intersection of seven of the LIU Galaxy’s major hyperspace routes, including the Corcot Run which leads to Ludgonia. This prime position has turned Mercor into the galaxy’s trading hub. As you can see, a massive artificial ring was built around Mercor to serve as a docking station. All ships visiting Mercor are required to land on the docking ring. That’s where we’re headed.”
Doog: “Well folks, my crew and I have made it through three episodes of LIU Atlas without any major costs, like last year’s dream mech incident, and we’ve decided to spend some of our well earned money. The only thing standing between us and pure, unadulterated capitalism is this hydraulic cargo lift.”
Crew: “Yeah!”
Oldie: “I‘m going to buy a pony!”
Doog: “Hmm, I expected it to be a bit more…I don’t know, busy? Where’s all the stuff? Where’s all the people? This planet looks dead.”
Oldie: “I think we’re still in the docking ring, Doog.”
Doog: “What! What about this elevator we just took down?”
Oldie: “It took us down one floor from the parking hangar to what appears to be a cargo bay.”
Mike: “Yeah, we went down like twelve feet. The surface is hundreds of miles down below. I won’t even mention the fact that this lift isn’t pressurized, and we’d all be dead if it went to the surface.”
Doog: “Yeah, of course. I knew that. I was just testing you guys. So, uh, where do we go now? Wait, there’s a sign.”
Doog: “Let’s see. Fuel, Elevator, or Cargo. Which one is it going to be?”
Oldie: “Ooh, I pick fuel! I’m starving and I could use food to fuel up.”
Doog: “Are you sure that’s what that means old man?”
Mike: “Nah, forget the fuel. I’m starving too. Let’s hit up the cargo. I think that means cooked snails.”
Doog: “Hmm. I’m not a fan of snails, but I could use some food too. What’s it going to be?”
Bickering
Doog: “For the love of the Emperor, someone pick something soon. The sign clearly says no loitering!”
Doog: “Holy…Kaadu…nobody make any sudden movements. Slowly back onto the lift. Don’t look it in its eyes.”
Alien: “Hello there.”
Doog: “Oh @#$&! It talks. We’re screwed.”
Alien: “Hmm, strange, yes? There must have been a mix up, yes?”
Doog: “Uh, yeah. A mix up. You don’t want to eat us. You want the snails down the hall.”
Alien: “Hmm, what? No, no. Your ship‘s transponder indicates that it is a cargo vessel, but I see now that isn’t true. It is passenger vessel, yes?”
Doog: “Yes?”
Alien: “Hmm, you shouldn’t have been sent here. We apologize for the mix up. I will guide you to the passenger section. By the way, my name is Grunxkar Gjili Gunda. I’m a dock worker. Hmm, my normal job is loading cargo, but today I will help you, yes?”
Doog: “Uh, sure.”
Doog: “Wow, it sure is packed in here. Isn‘t it Gru…na…jil, blah, forget it…”
Grunx: “Hmm, yes. The Mercor Docking Ring handles millions of arrivals and departures everyday.”
Doog: “Hey, uh, Grunx, use those giant eye stalks of yours to see how long this line is.”
Grunx: “Hmm, it appears the line goes several hundred feet forward before turning around down another hall. I can’t see the end, yes?”
Doog: “No. I don’t like this. What if we get separated?”
Mike: “We could hold hands or something?”
Doog: “What! What kind of weirdo are you? We’re not holding hands.”
Mike: “Ooh, I got it! Let’s do the buddy system. I call Oldie!”
Doog: “I call…”
Cam: “I call Timbo!”
Doog: “Dang it! Who am I going to be buddies with? I’ve been saying that we needed a sixth crew member.”
Grunx: “You could be my buddy Doog.”
Doog: “Eww, no way. I’d rather get lost.”
Grunx: “Well, this is as far as I can take you, yes? This is the Mercor Docking Ring’s Immigration and Customs checkpoint. All visitors are scrutinized very closely to stop any unwanted or dangerous guests. I must return to work. Please see the customs agent to continue.”
Doog: “Thanks. Sorry about the whole buddy thing - it’s just that you look kind of scary…and gross. I hope you understand.”
Grunx: “Hmm…”
Customs: “Welcome to Mercor. Please place your Citizen Identification Chip under the scanner. Ah, thank you. Welcome Mr. McDoogal. Before you are allowed to enter, I have a few questions you must answer.”
Doog: “Aw man, I never did too well with tests.”
Customs: “First, have you ever been convicted of a crime or served a prison sentence?”
Doog: “Uh…no?”
Customs: “Alright, have you recently been exposed to radiation or a highly communicable disease?”
Doog: “Uh…no?”
Customs: “Are you aware that I watch your show Mr. McDoogal, and I know that you have lied on every question?”
Doog: “Uh…no? I mean…you watch my show huh? Maybe I could interest you in a behind the scenes episode, if you know what I mean.”
Customs: “Hardly. Regardless of spotty past, you’ve been approved for entry into Mercor. Please make your way to the Full Body Scanner.”
Doog: “Oh no, I don’t do the scanner. Only a select few get to see this body.”
Customs: “We respect your wishes Mr. McDoogal. However, if you decline the scanner, you will have to submit to a cavity check.”
Doog: “Oh, you’re into the weird stuff huh? Well, usually I’d ask you to take me out to dinner first, but I’ll make an exception.”
Customs: “Oh, you must be confused. I don’t do the cavity checks. That’s Brute’s job. He’s very thorough. Very, very thorough.”
Doog: “I think I’ll just do the scan.”
Customs: “Good decision. Have a nice stay.”
Doog: “How embarrassing! Everyone can see my bone.”
Mike: “You mean bones, right?”
Doog: “Uh, yeah. Bones.”
Doog: “Well, we’ve finally reached the Docking Ring’s space elevators. That’s right, the Docking Ring has four large space elevators that lead to the surface, sort of like the one on Lacunar Urbs. Alright folks, I’ll see you on the surface.”
Mike: “Gee, it didn’t take long for this elevator to start to smelling like our ship.”
Doog: “Yeah, what is that? Someone check Oldie’s diaper and see if he needs a change.”
Oldie: “Once again, I don’t wear diapers!”
Cam: “Hehe.”
Mike: “Cam! Gross. What did you eat?”
Doog: “We still have seven minutes in this thing! We’re going to suffocate!”
Doog: “Alright folks, we’ve finally arrived at Mercor’s surface. We’re now outside the Space Elevator Station.”
Doog: “This particular station is much larger than the other three stations because it also houses the Mercor Division of LIU Cargo. Tons of cargo arrives and departs Mercor everyday. The building also has a scrolling marquee above the door that gives passengers traffic information before they return to their ships. It looks like the Corcot Run is experiencing delays. Hopefully our next destination won’t require its use.”
Mike: “Hey Doog, the crew and I were wondering if you could take our picture in front of the building. We want to remember our great times together.”
Doog: “Yeah, good idea. Let me find someone to take the photo so I can jump in.”
Mike: “Actually, we wanted one of just the crew. You’re always on camera Doog.”
Doog: “Oh yeah? I see how it is.”
Doog: “Just scoot a little bit to the left. No! My left, your right.”
Mike: “Make sure to get us in focus Doog.”
Doog: “Of course.”
Snap
Mike: “How did it turn out Doog?”
Doog: “Better than you ever imagined. I think we should hang it up on the ship’s wall. Now, if you’re done messing around, we have a show to shoot.”
Doog: “The station sits in the middle of one of Mercor’s many commercial zones. Here in the commercial zone, retail stores stretch for miles. Good lord, look at the one across the street. I can’t even see the end of it. What? Where was I? Oh yeah, these retail stores are stocked with products from across the galaxy.”
Doog: “Many of the stores of Mercor have an unique feature where consumers can purchase items directly from the store windows. It really take window shopping to an all new level. Since their inception, impulse buying has gone up 700%. Stores are great and all, but the real reason we came to Mercor is to visit…”
Doog: “…the Mercor Market. The market, also known as the Mercor Bazaar, the Mercor Mall, and in alien tongues as the Mercor Blah, Blah, Blah, is the largest open-air market in the LIU. Let’s head inside.”
Doog: “Millions of vendors from across the galaxy take hyperspace routes to Mercor to trade their wares.”
Doog: “Everything, from food to goods, can be found here. ‘If it exists, it’s on Mercor’ is a popular saying amongst the locals.”
Doog: “Security is pretty tight on the docking ring, but some smuggled goods still make it through. Once the goods are through, they can be openly sold in the market. There are literally no restrictions on what can be sold here. It is a perfect place of Capitalism. This, of course, makes Mercor a popular spot for fencing stolen goods.”
Doog: “They say you can find anything here, but honestly, I’m having a hard time finding my way into the market. There has to a million people in here.”
Doog: “Hey Mike, remember that one time, when we ran out of food and almost starved to death?”
Mike: “Yeah, that was like a month ago.”
Doog: “Well, I was thinking…don’t give me that look. Anyway, I was thinking, maybe you should use your earnings to buy us some more food. Just to be safe.”
Mike: “What! Why should I use my credits? Besides, parrots and scorpions give me gas.”
Mike: “Maybe you could use your share to buy a new microphone. It would make my job as audio-man easier.”
Doog: “What! Why should I use my earnings to make your job easier? Besides, what’s wrong with my microphone. Sure, it’s big and ugly, but so is your mom, and you still love her.”
Mike: “Sorry, I thought you wanted something more smooth and round, like your mom.”
Doog: “That’s it. I think we should separate and pick out our own stuff.”
Mike: “What about the buddy system?”
Doog: “@#&% the buddy system. I’ll meet you back at the ship.”
Doog: “Well folks, we spent so much time in the docking ring and market that we didn’t really get to see much of Mercor. Maybe one day we’ll come back to see a bit more. I’m sure we’ll pass Mercor several times as we traverse the galaxy. Hopefully, you were able to get a grasp on the importance of Mercor. So, Mike, what did you get?”
Mike: “I got a tennis racket and a brush. The best part is, I found the brush. It didn’t even cost me anything.”
Doog: “Nice! All I got was this toilet seat. No more sharing butt germs with you losers.”
Mike: “Nice!”
Oldie: “Pretty bird. Pretty bird.”
Mike: “Don’t tell me Oldie thought those parrots were alive!”
Doog: “Ooh, don’t tell him yet. Wait until we leave. We might need some lunch.”
Note:
Hugo: “Sniff. Sniff. I couldn’t help but to hear you say you needed a sixth crew member. What about me? Aren’t I a crew member? Don’t I ever get to go on any adventures?”