Monday, May 25, 2015

Hi, Kiddies! Last week I received a letter from a fan in Dover, Delaware. Arthur Pennington writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, my wife found and read several drafts of her obituary, which I've been secretly working on for the past two months, and is upset. I told her I like to be prepared, but she's not listening to reason. Instead, she's been turning to her family and friends and complaining about me to them. And so of course I'm worried, because now if she meets with an accident, won't it seem suspicious?"

Yes, Arthur, I think it would seem suspicious. My advice to you is to not let her out of the house for a while. Bad things could happen to her out there, and people could point the finger at you. So keep her at home, at least until you're sure her family and friends have forgotten all about her discovery. And as you continue to perfect her obituary, be sure to store it in a secure place. Her family will be pleased with the work you've put in when the time comes for them to read it.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Help spread the word, Kiddies! Name your boat after your favorite Grandmother. If there is already a boat named The Grandmother Winsome registered in your area, then name it The Grandmother Winsome II.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Most people enjoy snacking on peanuts during a flight. But every once in a while you'll be on a plane where peanuts won't be served because of one passenger's allergies. That's why I always carry my own package of peanuts whenever I fly.

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Kiddies, I was disheartened to hear about the train crash in Pennsylvania, particularly because it could have easily been avoided. In July of 2013 I posted an important message to train conductors, and it seems clear from recent events that certain employees haven't been paying enough attention to Grandmother's Fanny Game.

Monday, May 11, 2015

Good morning, Kiddies! Cindy’s teacher offered her students a chance to raise
their grades by participating in community service. Cindy took her up on the
offer, and was assigned the Birch Street Nursing Home since it is near her
neighborhood. As so many of you enjoyed Cindy’s posts on cheering the
elderly in 2013, I've asked her to post her progress here on the blog. So stay
tuned as Cindy returns to the Birch Street Nursing Home.

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Help spread the word, Kiddies! If you're a teacher, instead of handing out the usual assignments, have your students compose thought-provoking questions, and then send the best of them to Grandmother Winsome. I'll pick some of my favorites to answer in the months to come.

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Kiddies, I am always excited to see a familiar name in my in-box. Today I received an email from Principal Stevens of Lincoln Elementary, who only recently sent in a letter and who now seems on his way to being a regular contributor here at Grandmother's Fanny Game. Principal Stevens writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I received your response regarding Cindy's prank, in which you stated that a classmate named Allie was the one responsible. I checked with Cindy's teacher, Mrs. Henderson, and she confirmed that there is no such girl in Cindy's class. In fact, we don't have anyone by that name currently in any of the classrooms of the school. It was Cindy who did it. Now, regarding Cindy's declining grades, which I was surprised to find you didn't address in your message, I spoke with Mrs. Henderson, and we've come to a solution. If Cindy is willing to perform some community service, as well as pay attention these last few weeks of class, she will be able to continue on to the next grade. Unless you find this to be unacceptable, Mrs. Henderson will go ahead and assign Cindy some appropriate tasks. Sincerely, Principal Stevens."

Well, Principal Stevens, I am certain Cindy will be eager to help out with whatever it is Mrs. Henderson has in mind.

Monday, May 4, 2015

Hi, Kiddies! Recently I received a letter from Principal Stevens of Lincoln Elementary School. Principal Stevens writes: "Dear Guardian of Cindy, I'm writing to inform you that on the evening of April 16th, Cindy pulled a prank that resulted in the death of a classroom pet. After everyone had left for the day, Cindy re-entered the school and covered Mrs. Henderson's hamster in paint. While it's possible she might not have intended to harm the animal, nevertheless the hamster's death has had a traumatic effect on some of her classmates. While discussing this issue with Cindy's teacher, I've also learned that Cindy's grades have been slipping, and she is in danger of being held back if her marks don't improve in the next few weeks. Please get back to me as soon as possible so we can discuss the issue and arrive at some resolution. Sincerely, Principal Stevens."

Well, Principal Stevens, I read Cindy's blog post about painting the hamster your school colors, and as I recall, it was her friend Allie who did it, not Cindy. As it seems you don't follow my blog very closely, I will be sure to email a copy of this response to the school. I am disappointed to learn that word of Grandmother's Fanny
Game hasn't yet spread to Lincoln Elementary, and I will certainly
speak with Cindy about that.