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October 12, 2011

Alright, before we get into this story, let me give you some context. I was reading a sexy story written by a friend of mine I had kind of gotten out of touch with. But he was writing a good story, and I was looking it over. The plot of the story revolves around furries in a world of mostly humans, and the main characters having to deal with the concept of going into heat in a world where the simple solution, all the males just going for it and having at the females when that happens, is just not an acceptable solution in society.
So I was reading this, and the description of the overwhelming and hard to run away from urges these characters are having, and a thought occurred to me: if I was one of these people, being the transsexual that I am, this would have been about the most traumatic thing I would have had to deal with in my youth. The simple concept of having to deal with those urges when they would be flat-out wrong and go against the person I was just knocked the wind out of me, terrified me.
Of course, I had to try to capture that. So I wrote. Then I wondered what I should do with it. It ended up here.

What follows is the flash fiction I wrote. It’s not graphic, not porn in the least, though it does discuss sex, of course, and the characters are vaguely furries in the way that my furries are always vaguely furry when I describe them in my random furry-oriented writings that I do for fun. If that’s not your thing, don’t worry about it. Come back another time. If it is, come back after the jump. (I can do jumps, right?)Burning

I woke up with tears on my face. I was instinctually crying, and once I realized why, I bawled like I hadn’t in years. I could feel it. I knew this day was going to come. I was one of the few who hadn’t experienced it yet in my class. I knew it was coming. But I had hoped it wouldn’t. I had hoped. I had prayed. I had begged the gods that had fucked me over in the first place to do me one favor. One goddamn favor. Nobody listened. Nobody ever fucking listens.

I was in heat, and there was nobody who could help me.

That wasn’t true, of course. Half the population could. That’s how things worked. But it was working backwards to how the world should be.

I let myself cry. This deserved a moment of weakness. I only moved after all my tears were gone. I stood up, and looked in the mirror. I looked awful, like I always did. Maybe more so, today. Like someone else, someone I never was. But I could feel this mystery person inside me now. She was desperate to breed, and making me feel the same way. It made me want to claw my own skin off.

I instead dug those claws into my palm to keep myself from smashing the mirror or something worse. I forced myself over to my closet and grabbed clothes from the pile beside it, my normal attire, loose, all from the men’s section, that I wore yesterday. I didn’t care. My paws pounded on the floor on the way to the bathroom. The cold shower didn’t help.

I dried off. I brushed my teeth. Could I even go out to school today? What excuse could I use? This was normal: the other girls dealt with it, sometimes by pulling their boyfriends into the bathroom before the bell, and moved on. It wouldn’t fly with the teachers. They wouldn’t get it. Plus, the chemistry test was today. I had to go. But what would happen if I did? Someone would try to help me, to take care of my problem. Someone would make me feel like a proper woman.

I grinded my teeth in frustration, sliding down against the bathroom door until I was leaning against it on the floor. I ached for it. I could hide from it today, but what about the next time? There would be a next time. Could I handle a next time? Could I handle this time?

I reached into the pocket of the jeans I had grabbed. I had worn them yesterday, not that I cared much about that at the moment. My cell phone was in the pocket. I dialed.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea…” I murmured. “I don’t know if we could control ourselves.”

I could hear Dan being startled on the other end of the line. “I didn’t even think about that… gods… sorry, sorry…”

Neither of us said anything for a long while, minutes, before Dan finally broke the silence. “I don’t know what I can do to help that doesn’t involve getting close to you.”

“Maybe that would be for the best,” I said quietly, defeated. “At least it would be someone I trust instead of some random asshole.”

“You… you told me who you really were. Trusted me with that. I just… I feel like this would break that trust. Once I get started, I… well, I probably won’t be able to stop myself. No going back. And the dominance thing…”

“I can’t stay in this bathroom the rest of my life…”

There was another long silence. I tried not to break it with sobs. It was difficult.

“Are you sure?” Dan asked.

“I don’t have another option,” I said.

“Your parents are gone already?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll be over.”

The phone clattered to the floor as I simply released it, done talking. I could already feel my body getting excited. My alien body knew what was coming. Powered by pheromones and instinct neither of us could control, my best friend was going to get me on all fours and breed with me. Fuck me. With me moaning like the woman the world thought I was. Despite myself I would enjoy it. I would feel better. I would give in, and I would prove to everyone, and especially myself, that the person I knew myself to be was wrong. I would prove I would never be me, and that I would never be happy. I would prove that I would live my life pretending to be a stranger who has nothing to do with me. I would fall into a cycle of proving it again and again as long as I lived.

I stared at the tile floor of the bathroom. Eventually, I heard the doorbell. I didn’t move. Maybe I could stay in this bathroom for the rest of my life. Maybe I could.