LeBron James Answers His Question

Turns out the correct response to “What should I do?” is “Throw your old team on a pinball machine.” If you had “Another colossal embarrassment” in your Miami Heat-Cleveland Cavaliers results pool last night, then you are a richer homosapien today, because LeBron James might as well have been giving wedgies and throwing buckets of confetti on his former team and city last night. The Heat spanked the Cavs to the tune of 118-90, and it was so much worse than that score even suggests.

While the Cavs started out with a valiant effort and the crowd broke out two “Assh*le” chants before the game even began, LeBron seemingly realized that he wasn’t going to mend any hearts or change any minds last night so he went ahead and assumed the villain role, starting with his* old powder routine that was less-than-well-received. Oh, and that whole dropping 38 points on the Cavs in just three quarters was pretty nasty, too.

But there was some comedy throughout the evening (I was a little disappointed in most of the signs I saw, but the “Like Father, Like Son” sign had me cackling) and the top highlights go to Cavs assistant coach Jamahl Mosley, who told Bron-Bron to silence himself during one of his multiple visits to the Cleveland bench, and Mo Williams, who seemed to be the only Cavs player that had some seriously bad blood with the self-appointed king.