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I can’t remember the last time I actually watched the VMA’s, but I have to imagine this kind of big news for people who do. MTV’s target audience probably isn’t a 27 year old male who watches wrestling, but for Miley Cyrus fans, she has now multiple chances to be as weird as possible. What I’d like is for some web site to get some prop bets going on this. 5/2 odds that she comes out with a broomstick up her ass or 6/4 odds that she just comes out naked. I’d take the shit out of those odds. Maybe she’ll sing, too? That seems like it’s a little too normal for her but I guess you never know with Miley. She’s an enigma.

The VMAs were last night, and Nicki Minaj played a pretty prominent role, performing her new song ‘Anaconda’ in the opening slot of the show. Naturally she posted some pictures to Instagram after the show like celebrities do, and lucky for us, the crazies in the comment section were out in full force.

So much to love here. Squaretree123 coming in hot with the 306,000th like of the picture. Not sure if I want to know how they figured out they were the 306.000th like. Seems like a lot of effort was put into that comment. Then you have jimlegitcash taking this opportunity to help people out who are in debt/need school clothes. What better demographic to target for that than the “Nicki Minaj Instagram comment section”. Clarkey88 then takes the conversation down a dangerous path. Throwing the “slut” on the end just for extra emphasis. And finally ewen_Cameron finishing us off with the always fun “sid booooob” comment. I’m assuming he meant side boob, but when it comes to Instagram comments, you just never know. Bill Paxton bless the internet.

Like this:

“Taylor Swift has to deal with guys not loving her back pretty often, but this time around she’s got one guy who just won’t get out of her hair — and who’s straight up scary. The ‘Everything Has Changed’ singer reportedly has a full-blown stalker, and the perp was arrested after he tried passing her security guard a love letter while trespassing on her Rhode Island property. Swift, who’s dated men ranging from older (John Mayer) to barely legal (Conor Kennedy) has standards, and 55-year-old Joseph Bernatche didn’t meet them. The Portland, Maine man was arrested on July 27 for allegedly trespassing on Swift’s palatial property, something his lawyer denies. “We deny that Mr. Bernatche was ever on Ms. Swift’s property,” Bernatche’s attorney Michael J. Robinson told Radar Online. “The security guards have a job to do and I don’t blame them. They do what they think they have to do. In this case, I think they were just being overly zealous, overly cautious.” So what exactly happened? According to Robinson, not much. “Mr. Bernatche showed up and parked at the house next to Taylor Swift’s,” Robinson says. “He was carrying a note [with his phone number on it]. He signals to the security guard to come down and hands him the note. He says, ‘I’m not here to trespass, I’m just here to deliver this note. If you would kindly give this to Taylor Swift, that’s my sole purpose for being here.’” Right. Does that sound like any conversation you’ve ever heard? Robinson continued, “The security guard reads the note, gets the license plate, and my client walks away … [Bernatche] was driving away from Ms. Swift’s property when he was stopped and arrested by the Westerly Police.” Though Bernatche has a history of trespassing on Swift’s Rhode Island property, Robin asserts that proving such a case won’t be easy for the cops — so the likely disturbed man will may get off scott-free.” – Star Crush

This is why we can’t have nice things. Rhode Island’s beautiful beaches finally lure a celebrity in her prime and now every middle aged psychopath is trying to scare her away. I love how the lawyer is trying to play this off as a normal person move. Normal people don’t do this. They don’t get caught trespassing numerous times then park their car next door and try to deliver a note with their phone number on it. Also, normal people don’t look like this:

Until recently I was off the T-Swift bandwagon, but now that all these crazies are trying to abduct her, I think she needs me back. Hey Tay, I’m driving the bus again baby. I can be casual yet fierce, as shown by this picture of me and my long toothed friend.

Worry free times indeed.

– Ryan

P.S. If this song wasn’t playing as Joe was walking towards the security gate then I’ve lost all my faith in humanity

Did I feel weird writing that title? Yes I did, but I can’t ignore my true feelings. I was a believer in Miley Cyrus. I defended her through her crazy hair stage and ignored the now apparent fact that she’s completely insane. Here is Miley’s performance from last nights VMAs:

Pretty weird performance, but I’m not going to stifle her bizarrely creative process. If someone wants to dry hump an oversized bear let them do it. The one thing I, and everyone else probably noticed, though. was that Miley stuck her tongue out. A lot.

Almost an awkward amount of times. Combine that with the fact that she was overly sweating and her hair was what my nightmares now consist of, and you have one guy who is officially off team Miley. I’ll never look at tongues the same way again. All I can think of is all the horrible places that tongue has been. The horror!