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Praise: Focusing on the Good Kind, Not the Bad Kind

Published on:July 15, 2013

Laura S. Kastner, Ph.D., author of Wise-Minded Parenting

OWL (Offer of Wise-Minded Learning): Praise

Focusing on the good kind, not the bad kind

Praise is good when it is specific, genuine, accurate, intermittent, and in the right dose and tone for the person receiving it. In this form, it can build confidence, motivation and good feelings. The bad kind of praise is when it is excessive, inauthentic, constant, or non-existent.

The idea that parents build confidence and competence by heaping praise on their kids is defunct. Does your child radiate in pride when you hit the “sweet spot”? Does your child whither when you are effusive? Do you issue well-timed compliments about your child’s effortful achievements?

Consult your child! Teens are not always accurate sources of information on their parents’ parenting behaviors, but you could at least see what they say. Then ask people that know you and see you in the intimate zone of your parenting.

Read more about the “Power of Praise” and take the quiz, “Are You a Praise Junkie?” in Wise-Minded Parenting,chapter3: Academic Success.