Last week on Bachelor Pad, Reid Rosenthal tried to convince the ladies to eliminate Ed Swiderski. Even though Sarah Newlon just hooked up with Ed, she went with the plan. Then she immediately went to Ed to apologize for voting against him. Unfortunate for Reid, Jamie Otis chose to keep a drunken Ed around Bachelor Pad, probably for the entertainment value, so Reid’s plan failed.

Ed, possibly the most unscrupulous member of the cast, questions why he’s on Bachelor Pad. “The game is all about influence, perception, and flat out lying,” Ed says. “I don’t like lying.” I’ll give you a second to digest that statement and meet you after the jump.

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So, Ed takes issue with the lying happening on Bachelor Pad, a sleazy game show, but seems indifferent to the lying he brought to his engagement to Jillian Harris. Ed cannot fathom subjecting himself to the horrible lying and scheming another minute, so he wants to leave Bachelor Pad. Apparently, Bachelor Pad is out of Ed’s comfort zone. I seriously love the nutjobs on this show. Ed’s partner Jaclyn Swartz begs him to stay. Lucky for us, Ed remembers the kitchen full of free alcohol, decides to stay, and vows to fight back.

Challenge

Reid is nervous going into the challenge. He’s afraid Ed is going to find out he’s the one that went after him at the last rose ceremony. Bachelor Pad is a Fleiss creation, of course Ed will find out, even if it means Chris Harrison has to send him a message inside a bottle of booze. Reid doesn’t think he’ll make it through this week if he loses. I assume the mastermind is already working on his next rose ceremony plan, which is destined for failure if it involves Sarah.

Chris Harrison introduces the Bachelor Pad contestants to Hot Sludge Fundae. This week’s challenge is an obstacle course they’ll do in pairs. Chris mixes up the pairs by making all the guys step once to the left. Kalon McMahon and Erica Rose do not like each other, so of course they end up together. Jamie gets Ed, who is always hungover and sucks at competitions. Ed, however, is feeling confident about the obstacle course because he’s an optimistic drunk athlete.

In their bikinis, the women crawl through a tub of ice cream, go down a slide covered in hot fudge, crab crawl through whipped cream, climb into a sack, dump nuts over their heads, and hop to their partner in their “nut sacks.” Don’t look at me – Chris Harrison said it first. The guys then run the course in reverse, eating a cherry at the end.

Kalon isn’t concerned about being paired with Erica. He says, “I think Erica might be able to handle this one. We have a huge pool of ice cream. I’m thinking Erica could probably just eat her way through, Pac-man style.”

Jamie is the first one down the slide. She quickly makes her way to Ed. They switch places in the sack and Ed’s off and hopping. Then, as the rest of the women make their way to their partners, Ed chokes on the hot fudge slide. David is suddenly in the lead, with Michael Stagliano right behind him. David and Michael’s race to eat the cherry is too close to call. Chris Harrison says they have to look at the tape to determine the winner.

The race isn’t over yet. In Bachelor Pad, not being the loser is just as important as being the winner. Ed is still struggling to climb the hot fudge slide.Jamie is not happy with Ed‘s performance. She should have put a bottle of Jack Daniels at the top, giving Ed a focus point and some motivation to get up there. Jaclyn finally reaches her partner Chris Bukowski. Fighting to not be the loser, Chris and Ed each reach the top of the hot fudge wall. “I’m such a fantastic athlete” Ed falls back down and never tries again. Ed and Jamie lose Hot Sludge Fundae, giving them each a penalty vote at the next elimination.

Chris Harrison says “they” checked the tape in the “van.” Somewhere, there’s an unmarked van full of official perverts judges. The judges declare David as the winner. David and his partner Rachel Trueheart each get a rose and a date this week.

Reid is still fixated on Ed. Reid’s confident he can get rid of Ed this time. He says, “He may have won Jillian, but I’m going to win this time.” Reid, buddy! It’s time to let it go. Is it just me? Is fan favorite Reid coming across as bitter and douchey on Bachelor Pad?

Lame Dates and Dirty Pool Parties

Blakeley Jones asks David who he’s taking on his date. Blakeley brought David on her date last week, so she expects him to bring her. She also expects the rose. David brings Blakeley, Erica, and Jamie. Interesting choices – nauseating Erica, the one he boldly targeted the first week, and the two women fighting over Chris. Yikes. Chris says, “David is completely clueless when it comes to girls, obviously. Blakeley and Jamie are not cool. All they do is fight. They bring the tears, the arguments, and the negativity.” And, since he made himself the meat of their nutty sandwich, he’s excited to have them both out of the house for awhile.

Jamie, Erica, and Blakeley in the same limo is a limo full of crazy. They’re off to a mock prom. The women pick dresses. Blakeley does her makeup, Jamie drinks, and Erica plays with her hair. Blakeley blows off Jamie’s attempt at a truce. Jamie plays up the prom pictures with David and they share a kiss. Blakeley is pissed because Jamie is getting in the way of her rose. Blakeley brought David on her date, but she did not give him the rose. I’m not sure why she thinks he owes her more. Oh, right, because she’s bunny boiling bonkers.

David asks Jamie for support later, if he saves her this week. Despite Blakeley‘s threats, David decides to give the rose to Jamie. Blakeley and Erica go back to the house. Jamie and David spend the rest of the night at the fake prom. On their way back to the house, Erica hilariously tells Blakely that Jamie and David make a cute couple. Blakeley is out for blood.

It’s another night of drinking and swimming at Bachelor Pad. Ed hooks up with Jaclyn this time. More commentary and sound effects come from Ed’s bed, including “What are you going to do with it?” and “What’s your name again?” Sarah, Ed‘s hook up from last week, is bothered.

Rachel takes Michael on her date. Also, Tony Pieper and Nick Peterson, simply because she has to bring three guys. Chris is annoyed he wasn’t picked. He wants to get away of the “perfect storm” HE created at the house between Blakeley and Jamie. Poor thing… left back to deal with his mess. Tony wants the rose because he’s playing this game of sex and lies “for his [young] son.” That’s more disturbing than his constant crying on the Bachelorette. He’s also delusional if he thinks he has even the slightest chance of getting that rose over Michael.

Rachel, Michael, Tony, and Nick go to a wax museum. When they approach “The Bachelor Experience” they see a figure of Chris Harrison. He scares them when the talks, because it’s really Chris. Chris tells the four that they’re going to become “wax figures” for their own fan experience. Covered in makeup and latex, they stage various rose ceremony scenes. They scare the fans who stop to take pictures with the “wax figures.” The photographer asks the fans questions about the stars of the Bachelor. When asked about Tony, the only thing one fan can come up is “a nicer word than pathetic.”

Rachel gives her rose to Michael. A clueless Tony thinks Rachel isn’t thinking straight. If she were, she would have given him the rose. He says he’d rather be making out with Rachel right now [for his son] than be stuck in a limo with “Mr. Protein Powder.” Surrounded by creepy looking wax figures, Rachel and Michael discuss their developing feelings and then make out.

Back at the house, Chris is trying to deal with his mess. First, Chris warns Blakeley not to get too emotionally invested. Meanwhile, Jamie is mentally planning her fairy tale romance with Chris. She wants to fall in love on TV so she can show her kids. So, Jamie goes to Chris, who is in his bed. She plans to show him she’s a “real woman.” He tells her “not tonight” and “it’s not you, it’s me.” He really wants her to go away. Jamie gives him some attitude. Then she cries. Ah, sweet modern romance between fame whores at its finest.

This week, Reid thinks his plan is fool proof. He wants Ed and Blakeley gone. Unfortunate for Reid, his plan is not fool proof and Reid is the fool. Reid includes Sarah again, and Sarah tells Ed that Reid is conspiring against him. Ed is upset because he thinks of Reid as a good friend. Ed feels betrayed. Ed’s disappointed, mad, and going to “smash” Reid. Ed confronts Reid about his dishonesty. Reid plays dumb. Reid admits he wants to get rid of the people who don’t belong, but insists to Ed and Jaclyn that doesn’t include them. Reid is a bad liar. Ed says, “You have some balls, dude.”

Rose Ceremony

The Bachelor Pad is divided. Michael‘s alliance consists of Rachel, Blakeley and Chris, and Jaclyn and Ed. Michael thinks Kalon and Lindzi are roughly working with them but refers to them as loose canons. They’re the Power Couples. Reid is trying to work with Erica, Tony, Nick, Sarah, Jamie, David, and Donna. They’re calling themselves the Underdogs. Erica thinks the Underdogs are going to one up the Power Couples, ridding the house of Ed and Blakeley.

Going into the cocktail party, Ed is struggling with low confidence, especially since he cannot win a challenge. Blakeley talks to Tony. Tony tells her she has nothing to worry about. Michael interrupts Tony and Blakeley, to give his reassurance, making himself look good. Tony just sits there, being awkward because that’s what he does best.

Kalon finally leaves Lindzi Cox‘s side to stir up some trouble. He tells each side they have his vote. Erica tells Donna that the other side is targeting her. They think they have Kalon on their side though, so they’re confident they have the numbers. Reid is sure Blakeley is gone. Donna doesn’t think she can trust anyone. She’s also disappointed that she’s not getting any action. How can she possibly leave Bachelor Pad before getting any action? Seriously, my heart breaks for her. Nick comes in, saves the day, and sticks his tongue down her throat. Nick hopes Donna stays around because she looks great in a bikini. Kalon is the deciding vote for the men. He casts his vote and vows to enjoy the night, watching people crumble.

Reid is so confident that Ed and Blakeley are leaving Bachelor Pad, he actually approaches Jaclyn about being her new partner. Jaclyn refers to Reid’s behavior as abrasive and cries. Jaclyn tells Ed. He’s furious, because he seriously considers Reid a good friend. “Why does he have to be so psycho?” asks Ed. Good question, Ed. Jaclyn makes it her mission to get Reid out. She rips up Reid’s picture before placing it in the box. Ed confronts Reid again, urging him to admit what he’s done. Reid tries to explain to Ed that he’s simply playing the game.

Sarah is the swing vote for the women. She’s torn. She promised her vote to Ed, but she thinks Reid is a better leader. Clearly, Sarah has low expectations from her leaders.

Chris Harrison sets up the scene for the last roses. He says, “This has easily been the closest vote in Bachelor Pad.” That’s funny since every vote is edited to make us believe there’s one deciding vote. Blakeley and Ed are safe. Donna and Reid go home.

Jaclyn says, “Clearly, the dishonesty has been pretty transparent. We all need to reevaluate how we’re playing this game. We need to stop trying to pull fast ones on each other and be a little bit more honest.” She adds, “Reid!”

A dumbfounded Reid just says, “It’s a game.” Reid’s laughing to himself as he leaves. I find myself smirking after Reid’s demise. Going into this season, I never expected to be rooting for Ed! He’s a ball full of drunken fun. And, he’s sometimes so clever and so endearing, I can’t help but smile.

Donna walks away confused, saying she’s only used to men throwing themselves at her. She thinks the guys will regret this decision when she’s no longer sitting around in her bikini. Wow. Conceited much, Donna?

Next week on Bachelor Pad, the claws come out following a game of nasty questions and brutally honest answers. Chris continues to be a sleaze ball.