Dating My Husband: {Good} Coffee on the Beach

In marriage it’s not an agreement to do life with the person they are on your wedding day, it’s a decision to marry who they are then, who they are now and who they will be.

Intro

We were so young when we married. Wise enough to choose to spend the rest of our lives together but yet too young to know who we were. While that route may not be for everyone I am so glad that Gabe and I have grown up together.

I wasn’t into food when we met (which seems unimaginable to us now). In fact I was pursuing a career in medicine – a very short lived pursuit that eventually turned into an art degree with a teaching certification. Gabe was studying communication, looking ridiculously handsome in his navy peacoat, taking photos whenever he had the chance and not drinking coffee.

Twelve years later he’s drinking coffee, brewing it with over a half dozen methods, roasting his own beans and staying up till nearly dawn to clean and repair our burr grinder. He’s changed (although he still is quite handsome, more so I’d say).

In marriage it’s not an agreement to do life with the person they are on your wedding day, it’s a decision to marry who they are then, who they are now and who they will be. It is a commitment to love them through their growth and support their changes. Even if you marry at 40 you’re not going to be the same person at 60. Life has a way of shaping, refining and changing us. The hope is that you find someone who will continue to be at your side through it all.

My once coffee-loathing husband anticipated the opportunity for us to steal a moment alone on the beach during our recent vacation. He envisioned us lingering over a great cup of coffee while the gentle waves lapped at our feet.

So with the proper equipment in hand and a mug of boiling water we set out towards the still beach once the kids had been quieted. I marveled at the scene. Who is this man who will now go through such lengths to have us enjoy great coffee in such a desolate (and quite romantic, mind you) setting? He’s my husband, whom I love more than when he didn’t drink coffee.

I realize coffee is a petty change in the vast ocean of changes that have occurred in either of us through these years but for me it stands in as a sort of symbol for the other ones – the much greater ones. As with the other changes I’ve loved watching this passion for coffee evolve. I’ve cherished the moments that I can support him in this growing interest and if it one day fades or grows even further, I’ll love him still. Probably more so, as hard as that is to imagine.

If any of you are interested here is a list of equipment needed if you too would like great coffee on the beach, in the woods – or anywhere for that matter.
Brewing system: Mypressi Twist – great espresso from a hand held machine. It uses Co2 cartridges.

What a beautiful beautiful post my friend! Loved ever sentence that you wrote specially the third para where you described what you think marriage is. That’s exactly I believe what it is! Coming from a country where marriages are “arranged” more than they are a “love marriage” I think a lot of us believe in what you just said in your post. Its so refreshing and beautiful to see long relationships still blooming and evolving after years, like yours.
Good luck to you two! 🙂

This is a beautiful post. Such a testament to what marriage should really be about! I think it’s wonderful that you’re enjoying the changes that life brings and the way your husband is constantly evolving, like we all are.

You two are too cute! You are both so happy and comfortable with each other and it shows in the photos. Great post! It’s wise to be interested in your spouses hobbies/passions as well as your childrens hobbies/passions that way you can talk to them about it or know a little about what they are talking about. Goodness knows I jabber on about photography all the time to my hubs and he listens to it ALL. Guys don’t seem to jabber as much as us women folk but I am sure you know more about coffee because you listen to him. As always a pleasure to read, always look forward to your posts. Oh…and they are looking for people for next seasons Master Chef…hint, hint 😉

What a sweet post of you and your “date”! I think it’s better to grow up together. I did that with my husband and we have been together for 24 years and are still going strong! And you’re right, people do change and circumstances change and life evolves. And if we’re really lucky we get to do all of that together!

I don’t drink coffee, but your husband sure makes it look good with all of his bean roasting and fancy tools! 😉

Love this, It makes me think about my own husband and our relationship. We did not marry young, but I believe the same is true. We appreciate each other. It is so important to ‘sneak away’ for a few minutes or hours to be together. 🙂

Great blog today! So sweet & encouraging to see marriage that works. I think coffee is an essential part to waking up, but my hubby isn’t a coffee drinker. It is fun to grow together. Life is so unpredictable anyways you either grow together or grow apart. Cheers to all those fun dates you have had and will have. Sigh my family just moved from Ca and I miss the beach alot! Your pictures are great! Maybe my hubby can take me for a coffee moonlit walk or something 🙂

love this. such true thoughts about changing and growing together, and loving each other through that. I think that’s a really neat thing about marrying or dating someone for a length of time – to spend time thinking how things were different…how we were different, and now better. You both are too cute. Hope you get lots of coffee dates. Your love is an inspiration. xo

Love this post. I’m only 23, and a bit away from marriage, but it’s inspiring to hear people have such good things to say about relationships changing for the better, when so many people seem to become bitter over time. Beautiful shots – what was your strategy for getting so many self portraits from different angles?

This is so wonderful, Ashley. I love what you say regarding growing with the other through time…you guys are a great testament to this. I thought I saw some fancy coffee equipment at Brandi’s wedding? xx

Megan – Yes you did. Silly us to bring our equipment when there was already great coffee. But I guess you never know when you might need a shot of espresso. I take comfort in knowing it’s around. PS I would love to see you soon.

While I drink my coffee this morning I will be thinking of how true it is that relationships evolve and people change. Now, more so than before, I look forward to growing with my future husband and getting to know the person he will become. Thanks for these beautiful thoughts!

A lovely thing to do and a lovely sentiment about the long road of relationships. As a friend of mine once said when I asked her about the harder times in her marriage, she said she made the vow of for better or worse and figured the rocky parts were just “the worse”. A no-brainer really. So glad you mentioned there was a third person there. It wasn’t until the last picture that I went hang on a minute, that’s not a timed shot. Fun times and a good coffee. What could be better.

Dear Ashley,
I adore your spirit. As you evolve and change over the years, I trust that your spirit will remain. You are beautiful inside and out 🙂
Thanks again for a beautifully honest, introspective post.
Love Lorna X

wow! love it! nice to know other people are as focused on good coffee as I am! I am married to someone who is in the coffee business and has been for years, yet doesn’t drink it! I drink enough for both of us though….LOVE your blog!

Oh you guys! I didn’t grow up with Matt, but I feel like I can really relate to the way that you and Gabe tick…I think Matt is thisclose to starting to roast his own beans 🙂 I love these gorgeous photos! What a spot!

Hi Ashley, what a beautiful story, and so glad our mypressi could join you and your husband on your date. 🙂 We developed it for all sorts of reasons, but the one you wrote about here is one of the most magical. Gorgeous photos too!

This was lovely. My husband and I just celebrated our third anniversary and I’ve already seen how we’ve changed, and grown, together. It’s so thrilling to think of all the new and old passions, hobbies, and pursuits we’ll find along the way. What a wonderful journey to look forward to!

This reminds me so much of my fiance and me (whose name is also Gabe!). The man didn’t even own a coffee maker when I met him. Now, he grinds his own beans daily. I only hope that we can have such a wonderful and loving relationship someday as you and your love do!

“In marriage it’s not an agreement to do life with the person they are on your wedding day, it’s a decision to marry who they are then, who they are now and who they will be. ”
These are the most incredible words that I have ever read! And your love story sounds as one’s dream that fully came true 🙂

What a beautiful post, both through text & photos. I feel that many relationships fall apart because someone expects their partner to stay the same throughout their relationship, forgetting that people change & you just have to figure out if they’re changing for the better or for the worst. The photos are absolutely beautiful. Such a romantic night out!! Very jealous.

This post really touched my heart. My husband and I got married at 20 and will be celebrating our 5 yr. anniversary in February. I’ve often told people the same thing about how the path isn’t for everyone because you really do change so much in your early twenties, but I still wouldn’t change a thing, because for better or worse, no matter who we become, we are in it for the forever kind of love. Cheers to you guys and to loving our spouses for who they are now and who they will be tomorrow!

This. Is. My. Dream.
What a beautiful way to spend an afternoon together. I grew up in San Francisco, next to the windy and foggy ocean – just beautiful. Amazing that he brought all the equipment to brew coffee – I would be head over heels if someone did this for us on a date 🙂 Now living in Portland, OR I think a coast trip is a must before it gets a bit too chilly.

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