Re: “The Real Reason Gay Men Don’t Get Fat”

Let me start off by saying how much I love Gawker.com. Its site is full of juicy gossip and great short reads such as my addiction to Bravo’s Real Housewives, celebrity starcasm and mumbo jumbo bullshit I just get a kick out of, including a recent blurb written by Brian Moylan conveniently titled The Real Reason Gay Men Don’t Get Fat. Mind you, I was off the clock, I immediately said out loud at my desk, “girl please!”

Simon Doonan, an A-list gay, sold his manuscript titled Gay Men Don’t Get Fat and unleashed a somewhat genius idea that will probably end up being on the Gays’ Oprah’s must read list for eternity. Inspired from the best selling book French Women Don’t Get Fat, Doonan emphasizes gay men are really like French women: “we’re prone to disdain, favoring cheeky underwear and of course are calorie-obsessed.”

I certainly agree with Doonan 100% on those three points alone. I’m such a nutcase, that whenever I go to the grocery store, I spend more time reading the back labels of food products than waiting in the checkout line. At a bar, I will never drink anything more than a vodka soda or tequila on the rocks. At the gym, I’m always trying to one-up the guy on the treadmill next to me. Lastly, I’ll judge on someone’s Grindr profile the relationship between their height and weight.

Moylan, who I absolutely adore, also notes, there is only one thing that keeps gay men in shape and that is fear. We’re totally obsessed with vanity and we strive looking our best on the outside than inside. We go to the gym everyday, constantly look in the mirror, and look at the fashion magazines and still get bitter over the amount of airbrushed abs and face. As cliche it may sound, this is why gay men don’t get fat! If we don’t have the pecs, guns, and glutes, we plan on going home alone from the club.

Is this really just a gay thing? Girl, yes. According to Gawker’s Moylan, “gay men unlike our straight counterparts don’t have the luxury to stay in “fighting shape” just long enough to find a partner before letting their bodies fall to shit afterwords.” It’s the truth ladies! I’ve noticed just by looking at my Facebook, that all of my straight friends from high school, lost themselves after they got married and had a kid. They all gained weight!

In all honesty, gay men in this case want to be trophy wives and live the Real Housewives fairy tale of staying flawless, skinny and forever young and not on their credit. If only we were able to stay in our twenties forever and be built like robots and not have to worry about saggy skin, spots and wrinkles, it would all last forever.

In the meantime, us guys can solely maintain our bodies while we’re this young (even better to those that were blessed with the metabolism and skinny genes) and just live the life we were meant to live. Or is this complete foolishness? What do you think?

Jason Yu is Partner and Director of Marketing for The Hardwicke Group in Richmond, VA. His company specializes in new media, PR and influence with an emphasis on digital marketing strategy and reputation management. Jason enjoys keeping active by biking, running and working out on a daily basis. Jason has ran in over twenty running races including the Marine Corps Marathon, Tough Mudder, Richmond Marathon, and Xterra races. Interesting facts about Jason is that he is a music fanatic, in search fro the best macaroni and cheese, and aspiring “mixologist.”