Date: Fri, 9 Mar 2001 12:48:23 EST
From: Aterovis@aol.com
Subject: Chapter 3 of All Lost Things
Voila! Here is chapter 3. Enjoy!
http://bleedinghearts.nav.to
Email: Aterovis@aol.com
Chapter 3
The sun was still hovering low over the horizon when I pulled into
our driveway that evening. The days were getting longer and longer as
summer officially approached. I lived with my surrogate father, Adam
Connelly, and his partner, Steve Redden, in an old two-story beach
house. We lived in a beach resort town on the Atlantic Ocean. For about six
months of the year it was a quiet small town, but when the tourist season
started, usually sometime around Memorial Day, it swelled to a small
city. For now, things were still on the quiet side. Things wouldn't get
really crazy until after the schools let out.
As I climbed out my car I thought about the events that had brought
me here. It was Adam's son, Seth, who had first helped me admit that I was
gay. He was the one who was murdered. When my dad beat me up and kicked me
out, Adam had taken me in. I'd lived with him ever since, even when my Mom
moved to Pennsylvania.
My hand was on the doorknob when the door flew open and a small,
compact body plowed into me at full force. I staggered back and wrapped my
arms around the missile.
"Whoa, sorry Killian," Kane panted as he disentangled himself from
my grasp.
Kane was Adam's son and Seth's little brother. Every time I looked
at him I saw Seth in his features. They both had inherited their mother's
looks, elfin and attractive. They both had intelligent, bright green eyes
and a slightly upturned nose. Their hair tended to have a flyaway look to
it that suggested that no matter what they tried it would do exactly as it
pleased. Seth had worn the look proudly and it suited him. Kane always
managed to look like he needed a comb. The other big difference between the
two brothers was that Seth had been tall and lanky, where Kane was short
and sturdy. Kane was 16 and he seemed to have a different girlfriend every
week.
"Where are you off to in such a hurry?" I asked him.
"Mitch just called, his mom said we can go skating tonight at the
new indoors skate-park. We gotta roll before she changes her mind. You
know, school night and all."
I laughed, "Alright, have fun, dude."
"I will," he yelled as he jumped the porch rail.
"And if you see any cute guys think of me," I called after him.
"Ha! Get your own guys!" He jumped into Adam's car, a dusty old
Jeep Cherokee, and tore out of the driveway in a spray of gravel.
Adam was waiting just I inside the door. "What was that about?" he
asked. Adam didn't look all that much like either of his sons. They had
taken more after their mother, but Seth had gotten his height from his
father. Adam stood a little over six foot and was looking more and more
distinguished as his once reddish-blonde hair turned grayer and grayer. His
face still held a certain boyish charm, though, and his eyes were a
sparkling pale blue. Right now they were clouded with concern. Just what I
needed, I thought.
"Kane is going skating," I said, unsure of what he meant and not at
all sure what his tone of voice was implying.
"Yes I know," he said patiently, "I gave him permission. I meant
what was that about cute guys? Are you and Asher ok?"
"Geez, Adam. I was just kidding. Asher and I are fine."
"You're sure?"
"Of course I'm sure," I said, although I wasn't really all that
sure. I walked into the kitchen with Adam close on my heels. "We're even
looking at apartments."
His eyebrows shot up, "Apartments?"
"Apartments?" Steve echoed from his spot at the kitchen table,
where he sat hunched over a set of blueprints.
"Yes, apartments," I said. I opened the refrigerator and rummaged
around until I found a Pepsi.
"When did this happen?" Adam asked me. I definitely didn't like his
tone of voice now.
"Nothing has happened, yet. We're just looking. We don't want to
live on campus and we don't want to drive an hour every day so it just
makes sense that we'd get an apartment. I'd be moving out if I was going
away to college anyway. What's the big deal?"
"The big deal is you haven't even discussed this with me."
"I didn't know I had to. Look, we're just getting a head start."
"A head start? You just graduated a day ago! And you're already
apartment shopping? Have you picked out your china pattern yet? Are you
registered?"
"Huh?"
"Does your mother know about this?"
"I'm almost 18; I don't need my mommy's permission," I snapped.
"So that means no."
"It means screw you, that's what it means." I slammed the Pepsi
down on the counter, splashing it all over the place, and stormed out of
the room. I took the stairs two at a time and slammed my bedroom door shut
behind me.
I slumped against the door and looked around the room I shared with
Kane. It was a small room, never intended for two occupants, and so it was
crowded with all the things two teen-aged boys think they need to
survive. Two single beds took up most of the floor space. A desk, set
against one wall under a sloping ceiling, held a computer and stack of
books. Two mismatched dressers flanked the desk. Mine held a small TV set
and Kane's an assortment of junk that leaned perilously to one side,
threatening to spill onto the floor at the slightest provocation. Clothes
lay scattered about the room, some mine and some Kane's, some dirty and
some clean. A cloudy glass lay atop a pile of outgrown shirts that Kane had
cleaned out of his dresser last week and never touched since. The wall's
decorations were pretty much untouched since the day I moved in. They were
exactly as Seth had left them the last time he walked out of this room. By
some unspoken agreement, neither Kane nor I had ever made a move to take
them down. A Matthew Sheppard poster hung on one wall and an old MTV Fight
For Your Rights poster graced the other. They served as a quiet reminder of
the boy who had once lived in this room.
A soft knock on the door brought me back to the present.
"Killian?" It was Steve. "Can we talk?"
I sighed and moved away from the door. "Come on in," I told him as
I dropped backwards onto my bed.
The door opened and Steve leaned against the doorframe. "You ok?"
"I'm fine," I said to the ceiling.
He walked over and sat down next to me. Steve was in his early 40's
and in great shape. He had warm brown eyes and dark brown hair and was
usually the voice of reason in our home. Despite the fact that I had lived
with Steve almost as long as I had Adam, we had never formed the depth of
bond that Adam and I shared. Still, I respected his opinion and valued his
advice. I just wasn't sure I was in the mood for it right now.
"You could have broken it to him a little more gently, you know?"
he said.
"Great, now you're going to come up here and lay a guilt trip on
me."
"I'm not trying to lay any guilt trips. I'm just saying that this
isn't easy for him."
"What isn't easy?"
"You're a smart boy, Killian, think about it. For all intents and
purposes Adam has been your father for the last two years. He loves you
like you're his son. You and Kane are his world, especially since he lost
Seth. Now you're growing up and getting ready to fly the nest. He's still
getting used to the idea that you're a high school graduate and then you
walk in and announce you're moving out. With no warnings, no discussion,
nothing. How do you think that makes him feel?"
"That doesn't mean he can jump down my throat," I said petulantly.
"From where I was sitting it looked like you were both doing your
share of throat jumping. What's really going on, Kill? What's bothering
you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Something is bothering you. I've lived with you long enough to
know the signs. You aren't exactly hard to read you know."
"Great. Just great. So now I'm a bad son and I'm transparent."
"I never said you're a bad a son. And stop trying to turn
everything into a fight. I'm not going to rise to the bait as easily as
Adam. You're just trying to avoid the real issue."
"And what, pray tell, is the real issue, oh great and mighty Oz?"
"That's what I'm asking you, Dorothy."
I frowned, "How come I hafta be the girl?"
"Killian..."
It was clear from his voice that Steve was running out of patience. I
sighed. "I don't know what the problem is. I'm pretty sure it's me though."
"What's going on?"
"I don't know," I moaned, "There's something wrong with me. I'm
scared to death of moving in with Asher. I mean I know I love him, but the
whole idea just seems really crazy right now. Do you know we've never even
had sex?"
Steve tried to keep his expression under control and almost
succeeded. "No, I didn't know that. What does that have to do with moving
in with him?"
"Asher wants to. I know he does. He always wants to. I'm the one
who always says no; we should wait. What we're waiting for nobody
knows. I'm just not ready."
"Then Asher will wait for you until you are ready. I don't think
Asher is the type to force anyone into anything they aren't read for."
"I know he's not and that's what makes it so hard. If he was being
a jerk about it maybe it wouldn't be so hard to keep saying no. But I know
how much he wants to and I know he knows how much I don't want to and I
know it hurts him."
"Is this the root of your problem with the apartment?"
"I don't know. Maybe I'm just commitment phobic."
"Well, you have good reason to be. You grew up in a family without
any love between your parents so you haven't had the best role models to
base your ideas of relationships on. You've lost a lot of people who have
been close to you. There're probably a lot of issues you need to work
through. Maybe you should think about going back to your counselor."
I had gone to a counselor for quite a while after my stabbing and
the murders. I had been suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder among
other things. He'd been a huge help to me at the time but I'd stopped
seeing him a few months back. "Maybe so," I agreed, "I certainly seem to be
nuts enough to need to go back."
"Killian, you're not nuts. You just need to talk to somebody and
work through some things. Everybody has doubts and fears in their
relationships. That's normal. You just can't let them paralyze you. Being
in a relationship is about taking risks. You have to do what you feel is
right in your heart. If you really love Asher you won't give up that
easily." He ruffled my hair and started for the door. "Oh, and Killian,
when you're up to it maybe you should talk to Adam, huh?"
I nodded and he closed the door behind himself. I was engrossed in
following the progress of a small spider across my ceiling when the phone
began to ring. I instinctively moved to answer it before I remembered that
Adam and Steve were home. Let them answer it, I thought, and went back to
tracking my eight-legged friend. He hadn't even reached the light fixture
before Adam yelled up that the phone was for me.
I heaved myself up and picked up the phone. "Hello?"
I heard the downstairs extension hang up and then a voice I didn't
recognize spoke, "Killian?"
"Yeah?"
"You don't know who this is do you?"
I hesitated, "Not really."
"Well, I guess it has been a while." The guy on the other end
sounded disappointed.
Something clicked in my head, "Jake?"
"You did remember!" his now deeper voice filled with pleasure.
"Like I could forget you," I said with a grin.
"It's been a long time."
"Not that long. What's up?"
"Guess what?"
"Um...you're moving back here?"
"What...? How'd you know?"
"Judy, I mean your mom called Asher's mom today. I was over there
earlier and heard then."
"Darn, I wanted to surprise you."
"Well you did. I wasn't expecting you to call. When are you
moving?"
"Soon I think. Like as soon as Mom finds a place for us to
rent. Everything's ready on this end. School is out next week so that's not
a problem."
"I thought you wanted to get away from this area? What changed?"
"You know how they say time heals all wounds?"
"Yeah."
"Well, I guess it's true. I needed some time to heal, and it was
nice to do that where I was constantly being reminded of...you know. But
I'm feeling a lot better now and as great as the Pacific is, I just keep
missing the Atlantic. And Mom says she misses the area too, it's where she
grew up after all."
"That's great, Jake. I can't wait to see you."
"I can't wait to see you either. Are you and Asher still...?"
"Yeah," I said slowly. I wasn't sure where he was going with
this. Jake and had come very close to dating once. He'd tried his hardest
to steal me away from Asher and almost succeeded.
"Oh. That's cool. I was just checking."
Great, I thought, just what Asher and I need right now.
"Well Mom's saying I have to get off now. I guess I'll see you
soon."
"Ok, and tell your mom I said hi."
"Ok, bye Killian."
"Bye, Jake."
We hung up and I stood staring at the phone for a minute. Was Jake
still carrying a torch for me? And if so how did I feel about that? I shook
my head as if to clear that line of questions. My hand was still on the
phone when it started ringing so I just picked it up.
"That was fast. What were you doing, sitting on the phone?" Asher
said.
"I just hung up. Jake called."
"Oh. Yeah, it was busy when I tried a minute ago. What did Jake
want?"
Was it my imagination or did Asher sound a little jealous? He knew
all about my history with Jake but he'd never shown a jealous streak
before.
"He just wanted to make sure I knew he was moving back," I told
him.
"Oh...ok...well..."
"Did you call for a reason or were you just checking up on me?"
"Checking up on you? I'm not..."
"Never mind. I'm sorry."
"I was calling because somebody just called me."
"Who?"
"Caleb."
"Who?"
"Caleb? The kid from the internet?"
"Oh yeah, the abused kid."
"Yeah."
"What did he say?
"Get this; his dad told the investigators that Caleb attacked him,
that it was self-defense. And they bought it. Caleb is in some sort of
juvie jail right now for assault."
"Well how do you know that isn't true? Maybe Caleb is lying to
you."
"Oh come on, why would he lie to me? What would he have to gain
from that? Besides, Caleb is little, like smaller than Will little, and his
dad is huge."
"Have you met them?"
"No..."
"Then how do you know any of that? It's just what Caleb has told
you. There are a lot of nut cases out there, Ash, people who make up
stories just for the thrill of it."
"Well I don't buy that. He's a really nice kid. He doesn't deserve
this."
"If he's innocent then the police or whoever will figure it
out. That's their job. What do you want me to do about it?"
"Geez, Killian. What's wrong with you? Don't you have any
feelings?"
"I dunno," I mumbled, "I've been like this all day. I'm
sorry. Maybe I'm just tired. I think I'll go to bed early tonight."
"Good idea. I hope you get up on the right side of the bed
tomorrow."
* * *
I did feel better the next morning. I woke up to a bright sunshine
and I found myself in a better frame of mind. I was eager to see Will and
the baby again. He called mid-morning and said the doctor had given them
the go-ahead and they'd be released at noon. By the time Asher and I parked
Adam's jeep in the hospital loading zone though, the sky had turned into a
forbidding dark gray and huge storm clouds held a promise of rain. Great
weather to take a baby home in.
Will was waiting for us when we got inside. He had a small mountain
of supplies the hospital had given him and Darin lie sleeping in a carrier
that would clip into the car seat. Asher took the car seat down to strap
into the car while I helped Will gather everything together.
"Can we make one stop before we go home?" he asked me.
"Sure. Where at?"
"The cemetery/"
"What?" I said thinking I had misheard.
"The cemetery, where my dad and Joey are buried."
"It's, uh, looking kind of stormy out there, Will. Maybe that
should wait..."
"I won't be long. It's something I need to do. Please?"
"Ok," I agreed reluctantly.
The expression on Asher's face when I told him we were stopping at
a graveyard was worth framing. He didn't argue though, I guess he knew Will
better than I did.
We drove to the cemetery following Will's directions and I parked
on the narrow drive that would its way through the rows of headstones,
crypts and monuments. Will lifted the sleeping baby out of his seat and
climbed carefully out of the car. Will handled Darin like he was made of
spun glass, situating him gently in his arms, then started out across the
grass.
"Don't you think this is just the slightest bit odd?" I asked
Asher, "A little morbid maybe?"
"Why? I think it's healthy. He's saying goodbye to his dad and Joey
with Darin there. It's a way of letting go of the past and looking to the
future."
"Thank you, Dr. Asher, but who he really needs to say goodbye to is
Aidan."
"You don't think he has?"
"No, I don't."
"Well, maybe this will help him do that."
"I hope so." I watched as Will moved away from one stone and
started back across the cemetery to another.
"It's starting to rain," Asher said as the first few drops hit the
windshield.
"Another brilliant observation from the eminent Dr. Asher," I
teased.
"Bite me," he said good-naturedly.
"When and where?" I shot back.
"Right now and anywhere you want."
I leaned over and playfully bit him lightly on the arm. He tried to
bite me back and we ended up in a short wrestling match that ended with a
kiss. We jumped apart when the back door swung open.
"I can't leave you too alone for one minute," Will joked as he
ducked inside. "Do you think you can knock it off in front of my kid
though?"
"His baby seat faces backwards," I said in mock seriousness, "He
can't see anything."
"But I can," Will said.
"Are you ok?" Asher asked.
"Yeah I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"
Asher motioned towards the graveyard.
"Oh that. I'm fine, really. Let's go, Darin's getting fussy. It's
time for his feeding."
I started the car and we left the cemetery behind. After we got
Will and Darin settled in at home, Asher and I left.
"Hey, can we go check a few more apartment buildings?" he asked as
I pulled out onto the street.
"I thought we'd found one we liked."
"We did but we haven't seen all of them yet, so maybe we'll find
one we like more."
I sighed, "Where to?"
"You still don't want to do this do you?"
"Don't start," I said wearily, "It's not that. I had a fight with
Adam last night about moving out."
"What kind of fight?"
"Well, fight might be an exaggeration. He just freaked out when I
told him we were looking at apartments."
"Why would he freak out about that?"
"Steve said it's because it's hard for him to let go. And I just
kind of sprung it on him."
"Sprung it on him? You mean he wasn't expecting it?"
"No, I guess not." I looked over at Asher. He was frowning back at
me. "What?"
"What is with you guys? I mean my parents expect me to get out on
my own."
"You have to remember that Adam lost Seth, so it's different for
him."
"Yeah, but you're not Seth."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means you're not..."
He was cut off mid-sentence by a sickening crunch and a
gut-wrenching jolt. Before I could react the air bag exploded into my face.
We'd had an accident while I was distracted.