Healing The Racial Divide

Aug 15, 2017

THE PRESIDENT: OK, since everyone is whining about it so much, today I want to recite for the record that the KKK and the alt-Right and the “Proud Boys” and all those other white power fellas, many of whom are very high quality people — I know; they work for me — and who give my rallies such fabulously high energy, are… “thugs.”

So there, I said it. Will that finally make all you Christ-killing reporters happy? Of course, not. Whatever. Like I care, anyways. My base knows that me calling them “thugs” is just a little inside joke. They think it’s hilarious I’m calling them a word that everyone knows is code for “urban negro.” Next time maybe I’ll call them “pickaninnies” or “Kanyes.” My peeps get me!

Look, after the Charlottesville “We Love Trump” rally, I was very careful to point out that hatred, like Megyn Kelly’s blood, comes “from many sides,” and I will never retract that. Because hating hate is still hate, so who’s to say which is worse? I mean, if Trump Supporter Person hates negroes and lynches them for sport, but Crooked Hillary Supporter Person hates lynching because, I don’t know, they worry about damaging trees, that’s hate on both sides — am I right? [PAUSE FOR APPLAUSE.]

Look, I only like people who like me, OK? The Blacks don’t like me. They like Osama and Hillary. But just because I don’t like the Blacks doesn’t mean I hate the Blacks! Some are very useful — like Omarosa and Dr. Ben Carson, who are so great at trolling all the those other annoying coloreds who DON’T worship me like the golden-haired, horse-dicked billionaire stud that I am.

So today I’m reading some “Presidential” words off a teleprompter through gritted teeth, then taking no questions afterwards, but it won’t change my Immigration policy, or the travel ban, or my plan to use these super-exciting race riots to make sure the prisons are back at 100% high-pigment occupancy.

Because yes, for the record, “racism is evil.” Like the old spiritual said, “Nobody knows the trouble the White Male has seen!” I think we can all “amen” to that!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go demonize some turncoat darkie CEO on the Twatter…

Now that Ken Frazier of Merck Pharma has resigned from President’s Manufacturing Council,he will have more time to LOWER RIPOFF DRUG PRICES!