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Brain Games

Super weird things spin around in your brain when you’ve been hit with something the size of El Cap. Well, maybe it wasn’t El Cap size, but it sure felt like it. This time the helm console takes the prize. What prize? The “Whoever gets Gunny slap happy first takes the beer" prize. Not exactly slap happy, but it takes a while to get your bearings, and even when you do, all kinds of stuff bounces back and forth—a ping pong ball not quite hitting the net and bouncing over… and over… and over. Kal figured that the ship had stopped spinning but his brain didn’t. It was definitely on a roll.

At this point, the best pillow he had was the most recent nemesis, the helm console, so he stayed put, forehead resting on crossed arms, breathing deeply while he tried to keep his act together. And the way to keep you act together is to take notes. Sounds weird, but it works. It keeps your brain focused on something you want to think about instead of the ping-pong ball inside your brain. He just wants to get the stupid out in case he survives. And if he remembers the notes, he might just take himself up on ‘em. And if he doesn’t survive, whoever takes over can use it as a reference. Nice.

Note # 1:
Heads are not re-attachable, and you only have one. Unless you're an android, and even then you're taking a big chance.

Note #2
Helm chairs are comfortable until they aren't. Sure, they're padded and got sweet arm rests with a cup holder, but they’re also bolted to the decking with the toughest alloy in the galaxy. And the decking is attached to the ship. If you're sitting there when the ship takes a major hit, that seat moves with the ship. You don't. Every jerk and spin takes you and your head counter to thrust, so unless you're secured with a five-point, a sudden reverse thrust or explosion smashes your head against the helm console, snaps your neck a couple times, then bonks your head again. Not so nice.

Note #3
Working toward Akira Helm Master Certification is stupid unless you know what you’re getting into. Think about it. Just because that Akira is a lean, mean, flyin’ machine and puts everything else in port to shame doesn't mean it’s gonna treat you well. And it doesn’t mean you should listen to the stories at the bar, then perk up when someone drops a hint that they're looking for a new helmsman. That’s a dead giveaway that the guy might be a recruiter. So think before you sign. And ask. Exactly why do you need a new helmsman? If he didn’t retire, then what exactly happened to him on that last op?

Remember the recruiter who spun his story so well that you signed up? He knew the real story. You didn't. You sign up for helm? He grins. Big time. You’re so psyched you can’t wait. He's psyched because he gets another bonus. He’s trained. You aren’t.

Note #4
Watch out. Remember the Sirens in The Odyssey? If you don’t remember, better take a look ‘cause that Akira might be beautiful, but she’s a Siren. Once you take hold of her, you’re not gonna leave. Do I ever want to leave? You kiddin’ me? Hell no! Treat Excal right and she’s a sweet lady. Easy handling, smooth to the touch, and maneuvering? Handles like an SOC-R. [That’s a Special Ops Craft- Riverine if you don’t know. She’s an awesome babe, too.] Anyway, I’m never leavin’ if I can help it.

Huh? Sounds like the doc. Walks like the doc. Must be the doc. “Uh… head jerked around a couple times,” he muttered without looking up. “Neck snapped. Nothin’ more that I can feel right now. Hell of a headache. Just wanna puke. And sleep.”