Shh……!

When people ask if I am back to running again postpartum I usually say something like:

‘Taking it slowly still!’

‘Still have some recovering to do!’

‘Jogging a little bit, but not like before!’

‘It will take a while…’

‘Things have changed since I had my baby..!’

I have always been honest with the fact of not running so much nowadays, but I have rarely been honest about Why. As most of you know it’s not because I haven’t had time or interest in going running anymore. Of course time is more limited when you have a child that depends on you, and of course it would be a little more complicated to do late night track sessions on the other side of town like I used to – but with my determination I would always be able to find some time to train even if it’s just from home. I’ve been going for spin classes in the mornings before family is up, surely those session could be runs instead.

If it was only about not having enough Time.

On some occasions I have given the real answer. It is usually to female friends, and more often than not to women who have had children themselves. But most of the time I have not told the whole story. Is it because it is too personal? Because I am embarrassed? Do I want to protect non-mothers from the reality that I faced following childbirth, in case they want to have children themselves in the future? Or because mothers are more likely to have come across the problem and potentially can relate to it more, as most women I have told have never heard about it before. Because it might seem like I exaggerate, or because people won’t understand? Do I avoid telling male friends about it because you simply don’t talk about issues ‘down there’? Because they probably didn’t expect that answer, and probably don’t want to hear about it?

It should be said though that many I have opened up to have been pretty supportive. Also, a couple of male friends were genuinely interested in hearing about my problems. And they thought this blog was an excellent idea in order to reach out about it. These friends have encouraged me!

And why shouldn’t I talk about this? Why is it taboo to talk about birth related injuries, when if I had a hip injury stopping me from running I wouldn’t hesitate to go into detail about it. At the end of the day this is something that has massively impacted my life, when it comes to running but also in my everyday living. And it is something loads of women actually suffer from! And we feel we should hide it from the people around us.

What are Your thoughts on this? Should I spare non-mothers from details to avoid making them scared of having children on their own? Should I explain the issue to the males who ask why I’m not running, also as a way to inform a little bit about what women may go through when having children – or let them believe that the female body bounces back automatically after childbirth?

My personal opinion – and obviously the whole reason why I started this blog – is that we should be able to to be open about this! It is something I feel very strongly about….

She said….

‘I don’t want to get your hopes up by telling you that you definitely will… because you may Never be able to run again’.
The words felt like a stab in my chest. Of course I understood that the decision of having a baby would not only change my life, but also change my body. But to that extent? I couldn’t believe it. Part of me wanted to lie down and cry and feel sorry for myself. Another part wanted to prove the nurse wrong - or more than anything - to prove physiology wrong.