This calls for RAW BOOZE!

I have some ultimately trivial but distinctly vexatious illness, consequently I am drinking raw booze in order to stop whining to The Editor. Hopefully it will put me to sleep until the cricket starts, or at least help me be generally jolly and crack increasingly weird jokes as my alcohol/blood ratio increases.

This cider clocks in at a healthful 8.2%, which means I’m getting 4.1 units drinking the whole bottle. That puts me over the completely-made-up-and-arbitrary recommended daily drinking limit for a sensible, responsible adult and I bet according to some vile, loathsome, public-health liar I’m binge drinking too. Hooray! Shove that up your bum and smoke it with a gas-poker, Alcohol Concern! I’m feeling rotten and this will make me happier; if you have a problem with that then you are the only people who do so don’t tell me about it! It’s quite liberating that I’ve allowed myself to write using exclamation marks these days…

Imperial Vintage Cyder 2011, Aspall, 8.2%

Isn’t that spelling of ‘cider’ such a drivelly piece of marketing toss? The colour is quite deep gold, deeper than their Premier Cru Cyder. Unlike that this claims to be from a single orchard, so might have some more legitimate claim to the term Premier Cru, but they are claiming the ‘Imperial’ term from a 1921 Daily Mail competition instead. I suppose there was a reasonable amount of empire left in 1921. The nose is rich and full, weighty with not a hint of oxidation or flatness. Quite tasty, actually, and it has one hell of a rich, sweet, lovely boozy kick to it that’s enough to penetrate my aching sinuses and slap a smile across my boat-race. The palate is even better, round and powerful with layers of pretty complex flavour to it. Not really fresh apples but you can definitely see something orchard-y about it. There is a hint of a floral taste as well which is quite nice in something this alcohol-mongous, and liquor-tastic it is! I’m feeling jollier as I get through my glass whilst writing this. Perhaps I’m sweating a bit as well – but that’s just this pesky illness! The swine pathogens! I’m going to neck the rest of this lovely big number and go and prod The Editor until he acknowledges that I’m far sicker than him and therefore he should do all the cooking today. Hooray!

This excellent drop is currently 25% off at Ocado. I’ll buy it even when it’s not 25% off!

About The Author

I am a terribly charming loony who has finally found that severe PTSD, Generalised Anxiety Disorder and chronic psychosis is, on one of my all too rare good days, only a moderate impediment to having crazy fun with wine and food. Catch me outside and I am liable to be loudly attired.