Man mistakes chasing his children up the stairs going ‘Raarrr!!!’ for parenting

A young father from Solihull has encountered a barrage of criticism after his long-suffering wife revealed that ‘chasing the children up the stairs on all fours going ‘Raarrr!!!’ every evening’ was his sole contribution to their upbringing.

The nightly routine, which Dan Hurrell, 37, described as ‘Just a bit of fun, that’s all.’ has, after six years, finally driven his wife, Debbie, to breaking point.

‘I just can’t cope any more. I cook all the meals, drop them off at school, do all the washing and cleaning, I’m the one who reads with them after school and at bedtime. All he does is chase them up the stairs every night going ‘Raarrr!!!’. That’s it!’

‘He’s not a bad person,’ she continued, ‘it’s just I think he thinks that’s all there is to being a dad; chasing them up the stairs on all fours going ‘Raarrr!!!’, when there’s more to it than that. If anything, it’s counterproductive as it gets them all excited when I’ve just spent the last half-hour calming them down.’

Immediate neighbour of the Hurrells, Hannah Morgan, also spoke of her and her husband’s frustration at what Dan tries to pass off as being ‘good with the kids’.

‘He’s a nice enough bloke to talk to, but every night it’s the same. Seven thirty, on the dot; stomp stomp stomp ‘Raarrr!!!’ stomp stomp stomp. In the garden too. They’re outside playing nicely when, all of a sudden, the patio doors open and then it’s ‘Raarrr!!!’ all the way round the swings, across the decking, into the house and back out again. For ages. And let me tell you, those kids can scream.’

‘We just close the windows now as soon as we hear the lock on the patio door go.’ added her husband, David.

Consultant psychologist, Dr Fiona Grace, who Debbie Hurrell approached in desperation at her husband’s behaviour, says the practice can result in debilitating repercussions, later in life.

‘Chasing the kids about whilst going ‘Raarrr!!!’ is fine every now and then, but ideally it should be complemented with other, less loud and chasy forms of parental interaction like encouragement or praise.’

‘If that’s all the father does though, it can manifest itself in adulthood as anxiety, shyness and a chronic phobia of going up the wooden hill to Bedfordshire.’

She concluded, ‘I’ve spoken to Mr Hurrell about this, he now understands the error of his ways and everyone’s being very supportive. Apart from his father who burst in halfway through our session before chasing him around the room and up the stairs going ‘Raarrr!!!’. But, if anything, I think that just proves my point.’

When writing it I thought the repetition conceit was the best way to work it. Especially as it’s such a ridiculous thing that everyone’s talking about so seriously. And I think most people will be able to relate to it.

I know it’s long, and I may be having a peculiar Wednesday, but I think this is the best thing I've done on here in a while.

Shit, Qoxiivi, is that your real name? You sound like my wife..... I thought it was funny in the 'oh fuck, that's what I do' sense. So actually, you've just shattered my whole self-identity and self worth, you bastard.

SM: My dad used to do it and I’m sure I’ll do it when I have kids. Basically, it’s an article about my neighbour. I have nothing against the practice at all per se, it’s just that chasing them all over the place going ‘Raarrr’ is ALL he ever seems to do with them. I’m sure it’s not, but it just started me imagining a father who ONLY ever did this with his kids; because of it being the only enduring memory he has of interactions with his dad as a child.

What you've got to understand, Boutros, is that your Mum and me had a lot of problems back then, even before I got together with Julie. I don't suppose your mum told you about when I found her in bed with her tennis partner, Sarah? Or the way she used to talk to me in front of our friends when she'd had a few drinks? I didn't think so...

1. It revolves around parenting; articles about which have done really well recently (FB shares and re-tweets).
2. I've had a few FPs already this month (one of them plagiarising someone else's idea) and a) am getting arrogant expectations well above and beyond my station/writing ability and b) want another shot at possibly wresting the WotM accolade away from BJN*.
3. It's been in the top ten for ages without some vindictive pedant giving it one star just to make room for their own submission meaning everyone must love it and think it’s ace**.

Don’t make me pull a hysterical flounce and stick it in the writers’ amnesty thread in the chat room, because I will.

*unlikely
**a purely coincidental and essentially meaningless observation, the continuation of which I’ve no doubt inevitably scuppered just by mentioning it
***likely

PS: I’ve just come back from a night out and am a quite pissed so if this conceited moan comes across badly*** please use this ‘PS’ as my pre-emptive excuse for being an utter cunt to save me tomorrow morning’s inevitable contrition.