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88 Wonderful Woody Allen Quips On Love, Sex And Everything Else

With Woody Allen’s Blue Jasmine out in theatres, the new movie that’s earning Woody some of his best reviews in years, I thought I would look back at some of his most memorable quotes and aphorisms. The man is his own Bartlett’s, except with a whole lot more material about getting off. Here are some of the Woodman’s great thoughts on love, commitment, sex, death, God and masturbation — but mostly masturbation.

1. I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

2. I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don’t want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment.

3. What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.