Not Towards AnyMorgan Eldridge

poking suds in luke warm cup of coffeethanking each oneuntil there is none—no onesuds to groundsthrowing acorns across countersmaniacal laughtera loud cry—fear

your father is sleepingwith women half your mother’s—your age—maybe lessa drop of water prefers to fallonce fallen is absorbedinto another state of transitioncheck your reflection in every surface passedyour attempt—what others name a breaking pointto disturb

say things to self sitting in car out front of small businessyell loudly with all the windows rolled upthey do not see—they do notall my friends have plotted a murderthe government has plotted a murderi am the governmenti murdered the governmentin small town when someone shows signs of insanitythe protocol is to call the cops for a mental health evaluationthe cops come dressed in purple panda costumes

walk to hospital on christmasthe air is warmask to visit sallythe nurse at the desk asks if we are relatedsay i have no relationsask again to visit sallyquietly—think maybe the hospital is closed on christmaslook at three christmas trees in the waiting roomrealize there are christmas trees in each chairlining the walls of the roomblinking winking not towards any

the nurse asks how i know sallyi tell her i do not know anything or any one reallyanother nurse appears behind the desk looks at me from a distancewalking out of the doors of the hospitaltake familiar paths through streets of small townpast houses lived inspin in streets waving arms—jumping skippingshake my head in all directionstickle wet lips pressed together making humming ha soundno one is in townall the bodies left to go to someone—to somethingalone walking—i am visitinginside—sally is snowing