Retirement, interrupted

Sept. 16, 2012

Updated Aug. 21, 2013 12:28 p.m.

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Nala gives her master Vicki Karr, 57, of Aliso Viejo wet kisses. Karr is a two-time breast cancer survivor. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1995 and again in 2011, the year she retired from 35 years as an elementary school teacher. CINDY YAMANAKA, THE ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER

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Canine friends Ruuse, from left, and Nala are credited with helping Vicki Karr of Aliso Viejo through her second battle with breast cancer. Karr says she now lives each day knowing that even when you plan something in a well-thought manner, God has another plan. She is grateful to her sister, a breast cancer survivor. "She's been there every step of the way to hold my hand, to ask questions, to dry a tear, or just sit and let me rant." CINDY YAMANAKA, THE ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER

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Vicki Karr of Aliso Viejo looks forward to not scheduling her life around medical appointments and doing what she wants to do during her retirement. Through her two battles with breast cancer, she has learned a lot about herself. "I am a fighter and a survivor. Twice!" she says. CINDY YAMANAKA, THE ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER

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Vicki Karr of Aliso Viejo and her pink-collared puppy Nala are practically glued at the neck. Karr was not prepared for all the doctor appointments, pre-op, post-op, drains, paperwork, hospitals, care givers, genetic counselors, nurses, pharmacy visits, physical and emotional setbacks that breast cancer required her second time around. Nala and her son's dog, Ruuse, made the days easier. CINDY YAMANAKA, THE ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER

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Vicki Karr of Aliso Viejo is flanked by her supportive children Jordan, 26, left, and K.T., 22. The second time Karr was diagnosed with breast cancer Jordan held back tears, hugged Karr and said, “Mama, don't cry. I've got you.” At age six, K.T. wrote a book called "Curing Cancer" for her mom during her first bout with breast cancer. CINDY YAMANAKA, THE ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER

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A dog, her sister, her children and friends helped get Vicki Karr of Aliso Viejo through her second battle with breast cancer. Nala, a "Chorkie" or Chihuahua and Yorkshire Terrier, would love to be wrapped around Karr's neck all day. CINDY YAMANAKA, THE ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER

Nala gives her master Vicki Karr, 57, of Aliso Viejo wet kisses. Karr is a two-time breast cancer survivor. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1995 and again in 2011, the year she retired from 35 years as an elementary school teacher.CINDY YAMANAKA, THE ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER

I retired from 35 years as an elementary school teacher in June 2011. Two weeks later, I ventured to my annual mammogram. It was routine for me, and I was not nervous or anxious. After all, I had been cancer-free since 1995. At that time, based on my age and type of cancer, I had opted for lumpectomy rather than mastectomy, these being my only two choices. I was told to do monthly self-exams and have annual physical exams and an annual mammogram. That was 16 years ago, and everything was simple, compared to now.

As I sat in my poncho looking at the other women waiting for their exams, I was taken back some 16 years, to another waiting room. I realized I had probably had 20 mammograms over the years. That had to be some sort of milestone, and cause for celebration. I was led into the room by the technician. She returned, wanting more images. Next, I was taken into the ultrasound room, where another technician searched for "something" suspicious. While I waited for the results, I went into the bathroom and threw up. I texted my sister, a cancer survivor herself, "This is not good." I was then called to the 3D ultrasound room. Of course, I asked questions, but I got no answers. Back to the waiting room I went, and I noticed everyone had gone home except me. Finally, I was called into a small room and waited. The technician came in, followed by the radiologist. He never looked me in the eye, and after fumbling over his words he said the statement I will never forget. "I am not going to mince words. You have breast cancer. Again."

What followed was unlike the first time. I was scheduled for a needle biopsy to confirm the diagnosis. I remember that as being archaic and painful. I was approached by a stern woman who handed me a card and said she would be my nurse case manager and was there to answer any questions. That was new, and the reality of the situation smacked me in the face. My appointment card in hand, I walked in tears to my car and called my daughter, 21. She was 6 years old the first time around and wrote me a book, which I still have, called "Curing Cancer." She cried and dropped the phone. I returned home to find my 25-year-old son in the garage holding back tears. He hugged me and said, "Mama, don't cry. I've got you."

What happened next is something of a blur, and I was in no way prepared for all the doctor appointments, pre-op, post-op, drains, paperwork, hospitals, care givers, genetic counselors, nurses, pharmacy visits, physical and emotional setbacks, and the amount of time needed to fit it all into my retirement days.

My first appointment was the needle biopsy, after which my gynecologist called with the confirmation of breast cancer. This time it was in the right side; in 1995 it had been in the left. I had more options this time. I could have lumpectomy with radiation with hormonal therapy, an MRI to make sure all the cancer was removed, and possible chemotherapy. Or I could have a mastectomy. I opted for bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction.

After some setbacks like double pneumonia and bronchitis, I was ready to unveil my reconstructed breasts 10 months post-mastectomy. Looking at my misshapen and lumpy, oversized breasts was depressing and heartbreaking. Was this the way they were supposed to look? I sought a second opinion. Yes, he could help me, and it would take several procedures, but I had come this far, and I was not going to quit now. It was hard enough dealing with the issues of a second cancer diagnosis, and now I was faced with a second reconstruction. Frustration and anger were emotions I needed to replace with hope and promise. I am looking and feeling emotionally and physically stronger since beginning anew.

I now live each day knowing that even when you plan something in a well-thought manner, God has another plan. My sister has been there every step of the way to hold my hand, to ask questions, to dry a tear, or to just sit and let me rant. I stay positive and surround myself with positive people. I look forward to a time when my life is not scheduled around medical appointments, and I can actually do what I want to do during this time of retirement. I would not change a thing I have endured throughout this journey. I have learned a lot about myself. I am a fighter, and a survivor. TWICE.

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