Doctor makes a good point Sheyelo. When my son is manic and not medicated, he is like a ticking time bomb. He has had several hospitalizations and this last one allowed my husband and I to breathe and get to know each other again. My sister in law said she could tell a difference. (I think she meant it as a positive comment.)

My point is we are victims in this illness too if we are the only people our loved ones see or take out their anger on. I know I've had symptoms of PTSD. My husband gets frazzled pretty easily and has a lot of negative self talk. It affects me too but I'm not perfect either. Take care of yourself. Start exercising and see if it helps your mood.

You definitely qualify for disability with what you have described and with that comes Medicaid which covers your medical including counseling...You definitely should seek a Social Security disability attorney who charge nothing until they win your case and then it is only 27% of the back pay owed to you (from the time you could not work till now) and that is all they get but personally I thought it was worth it when I went through it because he walked me through everything and went to court on my behalf, all I had to do was sign a few papers and wait for the first check. Just an idea. I kind of think you deserve a break. You have been through so much.

I feel so badly for you. When my daughter is going through a rough time, sometimes I feel like I can't even breathe. The thing that really helps me is meditation. It is most effective if I do it daily, or even twice a day. But it helps me a great deal even if I meditate in a crisis, and haven't been using it routinely. If you don't know how, I'd recommend a class to teach you some basic techniques. Then you can use it anytime, anywhere. There are some pretty good meditation apps available that I have my daughter use. She has autism in addition to sz, and it is really hard for her to follow my instruction, but the apps work for her, if she uses them before her anxiety gets too bad. This won't resolve your son's issues, but it may help you. Sending you warm, healing, restful hugs.

I got an attorney back in February 2015 was denied and now have my appeal hearing tomorrow morning at 10. I'm praying that it goes through! Right now I'm trying to get the energy up to take my son to his pdoc and mdoc appt at 1 today. I feel like I'm walking in mud up to my ears! But I know God will help me through somehow!

Thank you @sweetc! I do try to meditate on Gods promises for me and listen to K-LOVE when the evil migraines are not around. But this month is really hard for me! 30 yrs ago this mth my husband (father of both my kids) forced me to have an abortion and I still deal with it to this day. Every march and October (that is when it would have been born). I have asked and been forgiven for this but I still can't help but think my son is the way he is bc of the sin I committed!

I'm assuming you're Christian, and that's supposed to be all about forgiveness.I'm not religious, but I think lots of people who are true believers get so wrapped up in trying to not sin that they forget the Church is supposed to accept everyone without judgment and that God forgives all as long as you ask for that forgiveness.

I remember that much from Sunday School.

I think it's the people in the church who were judgmental, even though they sinned as much as anyone, and sometimes more, that made me not want to go anymore.

And, if God did truly make children pay for the sins of their parents, not a one of us would be sane, and that would be a God I wouldn't have anything to do with. That would be horrible.

Now, religion aside, let's look at logic for a moment. If your son is ill because of what you did, then what the heck did the rest of us do to deserve this?

You're depressed & with depression comes a feeling of guilt. You need to see someone, whether it's through your local mental health center or a church-based charity. There's plenty of free healthcare out there, but sometimes, you have to really look for it. If nothing else maybe talking to someone in the church would help? Even if you're not active, I've never known a pastor or minister who would turn someone away if they were in need.

Made it back from dr. While in waiting room, nurse came up front and called my son to the desk. She asked him if he was still taking his weight loss pills bc meth showed up on his drug screen and sometimes his weight loss med can be mistaken for meth!!!!! I could have slapped her!! She had no right telling him that!!! And of course when pdoc showed him his report he said that he was still taking phentermine (not sure of spelling). So as usual nothing was accomplished and I come out looking like the bad guy! But on the up side I made it through the day so far. By Gods grace!

Unbelievable. I think you are going to have to go to the next level. But first take care of yourself or you won't have the energy to deal with all this bs effectively. I know how I would feel if that happened to me. I think I would have had to say something to her privately.

Bc we know he uses meth but keeps denying it even though he almost died from it last month. The dr said that if they could catch it in his system then they could get him in a dual rehab. Since my son knows that it only stays in your urine for 46 hrs, if he had used and had a dr appt he would cancel. So dr decided to do urine blood and hair. And sure enough there it was. And she gave him the "out" he could use and that's exactly what he did. If she hadn't of told him that in secret outside of the drs orders, then he would of had to admit to his drug addiction! Now he is on cloud nine thinking he can fool everyone! Even his drs! And one day the meth will get him. I'm just trying to save his life. The pain of coming in and seeing him passed out in the kitchen floor unresponsive and evidence of meth all around is very scary to me!! I can't go through that again! And all he talks about is killing himself!

Had my disability hearing today for my migraines and will know the results in about 3 wks. If approved psychiatrist and then therapist are at the top of my list as well as treatments for migraines as soon as I get insurance. I don't care so much about the money (although that will help) I just want insurance so I can get the medical help I need!!

The pain of coming in and seeing him passed out in the kitchen floor unresponsive and evidence of meth all around is very scary to me!!

As bad as this sounds, maybe you should call the police next time this happens.

If he doesn't have a record, you can go to the district attorney and his court-appointed attorney & plead for inpatient treatment for dual diagnosis.

And, if not, I hope you get your disability so that you have some options in your living arrangements. Until someone can get him clean, there's no way of knowing what's drugs and what's mental illness.

I did call the police cit officers and emt this was the 3 Ed time in 2 mths. He was just given time to straighten up and then released. The police told us to file with the courts to have him involuntarily committed. Which we did and he was out the very same night. Again another door slammed in my face and I look like the crazy one!!

Thats how I feel with my adult son with sz ...I cant stand him to be acting the way he does around me but I don't want him to go off and get killed either .....everyone in this kinda situation suffers unfortunately ....until hopefully some kinda of normalcy gets routine ....mines a drug abuser as well and lately I've been finding needles ....so devastated he wont shower on his own and my Lord does he stink ...he's been assaulted shot with paintball guns etc...and that's just the stuff I know about ....