We Should've Died

I didn’t know it when I was a kid, but I went through a very dangerous upbringing. In fact, everyone who was born in the same generation as me should be dead.
No I wasn’t born in a war zone. I didn’t have abusive parents. And I didn’t live on gang-infested streets. Over all, I led a pretty average life.
I began by being sent home from the hospital in my mother’s lap rather than an infant car seat. Luckily, I was never ejected through the front windshield as apparently happened with other babies.
I was born at a time when breast-feeding was considered “dirty” and unhealthy for babies. It was only acceptable in the third world countries I saw on documentaries, where boiling bottles and nipples was not possible.
At night, I was laid on my stomach when I was put in my crib and I woke up gumming the rails that were painted with lead-based paint. That way, if Sudden Infant Death Syndrome didn’t get me, lead poisoning would. I didn’t know my parents were so heartless.
When I got sick, my mother would lovingly crush half an aspirin in a spoonful of water to take away my pain and give me a fair chance to contract Reyes Syndrome. Despicable!
My parents apparently thought lung cancer from second-hand smoke would build character, so they each religiously smoked two packs of cigarettes a day.
Our toys not only had lead-based paint on them, but they were filled with an amazing array of magnets, springs and buttons guaranteed to choke even the most savvy of toddlers. They hated me, I think.
When we were old enough to play outside without eating sand or yellow snow, we were gone all day. I don’t think my parents ever knew where we were and, I swear, they liked it that way.
We rode bicycles without a helmet. They were for sissies. Seat belts were not even invented yet. All four of us sat, stood, kneeled, or squatted in the back seat area built for three. No one ever wanted the “hump” seat so we played musical seats entire car rides. It was amusing, but our parents didn’t like it much. They would take random swats with their arms trying to make contact with our bodies without their eyes leaving the road. “Don’t make me come back there!” they’d yell. Like they would fit back there.
We ate fruits and vegetables once a week whether we needed it or not. And those that we ate had been sprayed with poisonous insecticides.
We lived in houses made with asbestos insulation and radon silently lurked in the low spots. Our parents never even told us about those important issues. We breathed in carbon monoxide from our cars and smokestacks.
There was no need for smoke detectors or sunscreen. My father, a man who could sleep through a train wreck, assured us that he would hear a fire if one broke out in our house.
As for sunscreen; why would we want to deny ourselves the fun of peeling the dead skin off each other’s backs after getting sunburn? Melanoma? Pshaw!
My generation could have and should have died out due to anything from SIDS to Mesothelioma. All evidence to the contrary, none of us should have lived through all of that.
I guess that my generation was a group of real survivors.
You can reach Laura at lsnyder@lauraonlife.com Or visit her website www.lauraonlife.com for more columns and info about her new book.

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A 50 year friend of mine and I often talk about old times, we marvel at the fact that we have all our fingers and eyesight, we do need bifocals.
We both limp from motorcycle accidents, it was more fun than video games I bet.

...or maybe we just didn't know any better.
Thanks for your piece - it brought back memories, and some points I've thought of over the years. I also thought of a few other dangers that modern wisdom says should have warped us:
1) Spanking - In our day, it was "Spare the rod, spoil the child." Today it is "Spare the child, break the rod." Many of us had our behinds torn up on more than one occasion, and I really don't think we've suffered emotional trauma because of it. Knowing that a spanking was a likely punishment caused me to reconsider many a foolish plan.
2) Protective Gear - You mentioned bicycle helmets, but we also rode skateboards, and did some REALLY stupid things on bicycles without helmets or kneepads. Heck, getting scraped up was just part of it. You go spray some Bactine on it, put on a Band-aid, and go back outside.
3) Non-toxic school supplies - how many of us suffered irreversable damage from tasting our play-dough or crayons?