28. The Truth

I sat the backpack down on the front dresser. I could feel Quil’s eyes on me, and I tried to remain calm. It was a struggle when he did this- but he loved me. That was why he was staring.

Because he loved me. No other reason. He wouldn’t hurt me, not for the world.

He’d always told me that, and I believed it. I had to.

“Claire? Can I talk to you?”

What would he say? I wondered. Maybe he’d finally decided to tell me the truth I already knew. “Of course.”

“You know I’m a wolf… me and the guys and Leah?”

I nodded. “Yeah.” Old news, that. I remembered how surprised he’d been when I’d simply accepted his transformations. It had never bothered me. Quil was Quil, no matter what he became, and it still seemed no less unbelievable that he could be trustworthy than that he could turn into a giant wolf.

“And you know I imprinted on you?”

That had scared me. When I was ten years old, and I had remembered nothing except people trying to hurt me or ignoring the danger around me, when the only world I remembered was one armed as if for war and brutally unsympathetic, then I had run away because I hadn’t known what it meant to have someone love me.

Quil loved me. It was obvious. And then, when it was the kind of love I could handle, I couldn’t understand. Now I could. “Yeah.”

“Claire, I’m not sure I explained it right. Please don’t run away, I promise not to hurt you. But I’m in love with you, sweetie. I love you so much it hurts and I’ll do anything to make you love me too.”

I’ll do anything. I winced and looked away.

He was lying. I would not believe Quil would do anything.

Anything I wanted. Anything I’d allow.

But he would not do anything. That was a mere slip of the tongue. He didn’t mean that. He couldn’t.

Anything. He would not do anything.

I swallowed. I couldn’t help the fear. I knew that. It was irrepressible. There was simply too much of it.

I would not run from it, however. I knew he would not do anything. There was one thing Quil would never do. Quil would never hurt me.

It was the center of my universe, that knowledge, and I wouldn’t allow a simple misunderstanding to change it. I took a deep breath and answered his waiting gaze with the sad truth.

“I love you too, Quil. But not like that. I don’t know it I have that kind of love left in me… I’m sorry. I wish I did,” I offered, and waited for his answer.

He was almost too cheerful. I wasn’t an idiot, I could hear that there was pain in his voice, but he was definitely suppressing it, and planned to continue.

He wouldn’t do anything. He would let me stay here with him, without expecting anything in return. “Oh, don’t be sorry! Don’t. I don’t want you to feel bad, beautiful Claire. I want to make you happy. And if you ever need someone to love…”

I breathed again, this time much easier. “If I ever could love anyone, it will be you. I promise you that, Quil. I will always love you the most… but I don’t know if I can love at all.”

What I said was simply the truth. I really didn’t have to lie to him, did I? And it was better, now that he knew that I knew… I smiled, and he smiled back.

“Thank you.”

But it wasn’t the truth. Not entirely.

Because I thought… it scared me, terrified me, but I thought I just might be able to love him.