STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE
"Ferengi Love Songs"
#40510-518
Written by
Ira Steven Behr & Hans Beimler
Directed by
Rene Auberjonois
THE WRITING CREDITS MAY NOT BE FINAL AND SHOULD NOT BE USED
FOR PUBLICITY OR ADVERTISING PURPOSES WITHOUT FIRST CHECKING
WITH THE TELEVISION LEGAL DEPARTMENT.
Copyright 1997 Paramount Pictures Corporation. All Rights
Reserved. This script is not for publication or
reproduction. No one is authorized to dispose of same. If
lost or destroyed, please notify the Script Department.
Return to Script Department FINAL DRAFT
PARAMOUNT PICTURES CORPORATION
January 30, 1997
STAR TREK: DS9 - "Ferengi Love Songs" - 01/30/97 - CAST
STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE
"Ferengi Love Songs"
CAST
SISKO ROM
KIRA ZEK
ODO ISHKA
BASHIR LEETA
DAX BRUNT
QUARK LECK
O'BRIEN
WORF
Non-Speaking Non-Speaking
N.D. SUPERNUMERARIES MAIHAR'DU
STAR TREK: DS9 - "Ferengi Love Songs" - 01/30/97 - SETS
STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE
"Ferengi Love Songs"
SETS
INTERIORS EXTERIORS
DEEP SPACE NINE DEEP SPACE NINE
PROMENADE/SECOND LEVEL FERENGINAR
QUARK'S ISHKA'S HOUSE
QUARK'S QUARTERS
REPLIMAT
ROM'S QUARTERS
FERENGINAR
ISHKA'S HOUSE
BEDROOM
LIVING ROOM
TOWER OF COMMERCE
CHAMBER OF PETITIONS
DS NINE - "Ferengi Love Songs" - 01/31/97 - PRONUNCIATION
STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE
"Ferengi Love Songs"
PRONUNCIATION GUIDE
ARCYBITE ARE-sah-bite
DURANIUM dur-AYN-ee-um
FECKLE FECK-ul
FERENGINAR fer-ENG-i-nar
HORRAN Hoe-RAN
HUPYRIAN HUE-pie-ree-an
DAIMON IGEL DAY-mon EYE-gul
JEVONITE JEV-un-ite
JUMJA JUM-juh
K'RETOK KREH-tahk
LOKAR LOW-car
MAIHAR'DU MAY-har-doo
MARTOK MAR-tahk
MOOGIE MOO-ghee
NAGUS NAY-gus
SEPPUS SEH-pus
SMEET (rhymes w/ "sweet")
TULABERRY TOO-luh-berry
ZEK ZECK
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - TEASER 1.
STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE
"Ferengi Love Songs"
TEASER
FADE IN:
1 INT. PROMENADE - OUTSIDE QUARK'S BAR
A somber QUARK paces the Promenade across from the bar
doors. The bar is closed, the windows are shuttered --
but through the glass doors, we see occasional FLASHES
of intense bright red lights accompanied by excited
SHOUTS from inside.
VOICES
"Look out -- behind you." "I see
him." "Under the Dabo table!"
"There's one on the railings." "I
got him."
The activity only increases Quark's depression. He
stops pacing and stares forlornly at the bar.
DAX (O.S.)
Who's winning the war?
ANGLE ADJUSTS to include DAX, stepping up to Quark.
QUARK
Too early to tell.
DAX
It's been three days.
QUARK
Don't remind me.
(a beat)
They found a nest.
DAX
That's good.
QUARK
It wasn't the main nest.
DAX
That's not so good. I thought
Chief O'Brien trapped the last
vole on the station months ago.
QUARK
Well, obviously he missed a
couple. A married couple. They
breed like tribbles.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - TEASER 2-3.
1 CONTINUED:
DAX
But they're not as cute.
QUARK
They're disgusting, hairy little
creatures with ravenous appetites
and I want them gone.
DAX
(sympathetic)
Quark...
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - TEASER 4.
1 CONTINUED: (2)
QUARK
I know, I know -- this is just a
temporary setback. The bar will
open again and I can get back to
my life...
DAX
I'm glad you realize that.
QUARK
The only trouble is... I hate my
life.
And with that, Quark turns and walks away. We HOLD ON
Dax as she watches Quark move down the corridor.
2 OMITTED
3 INT. QUARK'S QUARTERS
Quark is seated on the couch, in a deep funk. The.door
CHIMES. Quark doesn't seem to hear it. The door
CHIMES again.
QUARK
Come in.
The door OPENS to reveal a very happy and energetic
ROM.
ROM
Hello, Brother.
Quark doesn't want to see anybody.
QUARK
(listless)
What do you want?
ROM
You have every right to be
depressed, Brother. Ever since
you were blacklisted by the
Ferengi Commerce Authority it's
been one thing after another. But
I have some news that's going to
cheer you up.
QUARK
I doubt it.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - TEASER 5.
3 CONTINUED:
ROM
(smiling)
Trust me on this one, Brother.
I'm about to make you very, very
happy.
QUARK
(with rising hopes)
Really?
ROM
(grinning ear to ear)
Really.
Rom crosses over to the door, it OPENS. He steps
outside and excitedly beckons to someone off screen:
ROM
Come on in.
And to Quark's surprise, LEETA ENTERS, looking every
bit as happy and bubbly as Rom.
QUARK
What's she doing here?
Rom puts his arm around Leeta, they smile.
ROM
(an announcement)
We're getting married.
Quark sits back on the couch, flings his head back on
the headrest.
QUARK
I wish I was dead.
ROM
(to Leeta)
He's been a little depressed
lately.
QUARK
I don't want to live.
LEETA
I think you need someone to talk
to... someone to pamper you.
Quark certainly doesn't want to take advice from Leeta.
QUARK
I think I need to be alone.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - TEASER 6.
3 CONTINUED: (2)
ROM
You know who I talk to when I'm
feeling a little low?
QUARK
Yeah, me.
ROM
Not when it's something really
important.
QUARK
(hurt)
Let me guess... Chief O'Brien.
ROM
(wrong)
That's not a bad guess.
QUARK
Rom -- just tell me who it is.
That way, you can leave and I can
go back to my brooding.
ROM
(that seems reasonable)
There's only one person in my life
who's always there for me... who's
never too busy to listen... who
reassures me when I'm scared...
comforts me when I'm sad... and
who showers me with endless love,
without ever asking anything in
return.
LEETA
(impressed)
I'd like to meet this person...
QUARK
So would I.
ROM
(putting his hand on
Quark's shoulder)
You already know her. And she'll
always be there for you,
Brother... with open arms.
We PUSH IN on Quark as he realizes whom Rom is talking
about.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - TEASER 7.
4 EXT. FERENGINAR-- MATTE SHOT (STOCK) (OPTICAL)
Establishing; a typically rainy day on Ferenginar. (Re-
use of matte shot used in "Family Business".)
5 INT. ISHKA'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
Looking much as it did the last time we visited. The
doorbell is CHIMING as Quark's mother, ISHKA,
looking slightly worried, goes to the door.
She taps a panel and the door OPENS, revealing a wet
and needy Quark.
QUARK
Mother?
ISHKA
Quark?
QUARK
Moogie!
Quark envelops his mother in a tight bear hug.
QUARK
Hold me.
And as he clings to Moogie, who looks a little less
than delighted with this sudden turn of events, we:
FADE OUT.
END OF TEASER
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT ONE 8.
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
(NOTE: Episode credits fall over opening scenes.)
6 INT. REPLIMAT
CLOSE ON Rom's ear, a distinctively Bajoran earring
dangling from his lobe.
ROM
... of all the Bajoran Prophecies,
I think my favorite is Horran's
Seventh... the one that starts,
"He will come to the palace,
carrying a chalice... "
ADJUST ANGLE to include O'Brien and Dax.
DAX
(joking)
"Bearing no malice."
ROM
(correcting)
"Overflowing with sweet, Spring
wine."
O'BRIEN
Looks like someone's been studying
the Ancient Texts.
ROM
It's important to Leeta. She
wants a traditional Bajoran
wedding.
DAX
And you've agreed to it... that's
very sweet.
O'BRIEN
(with a twinkle)
Is she doing the same for you? I
mean, learning to be a Ferengi
woman? Memorizing the Rules of
Acquisition...
DAX
Not likely. Leeta's not the type
of woman to quit her job, stop
wearing clothes, and never go out
in public.
ROM
That's okay. I just want her to
be happy.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT ONE 9-10.
6 CONTINUED:
DAX
That's a very enlightened
attitude, Rom.
O'BRIEN
Rom is not your traditional
Ferengi male.
ROM
I guess not.
DAX
(to Rom)
You're probably the least
Ferengi-like Ferengi I've ever
met.
ROM
I guess so.
But Rom looks faintly bothered by this. Dax picks up
on it.
DAX
It's not a bad thing, Rom. No
traditional Ferengi male could
ever marry a non-Ferengi and be
happy.
(off his look)
He could never trust her.
Off Rom as he contemplates her words.
7 EXT. FERENGINAR - MATTE SHOT (STOCK) (OPTICAL)
Re-establishing.
8 INT. ISHKA'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
Quark is seated on a coach next to Moogie. Quark has
been pouring his soul out to her, and as he nears the
end of his story, Moogie seems sympathetic, yet a bit
impatient for it to end.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT ONE 11.
8 CONTINUED:
QUARK
... so you see, Moogie, the voles
aren't the real problem, they're
just a symbol of everything that's
gone wrong with my life.
ISHKA
You've had a tough year, Quark.
QUARK
That's an understatement. I see
all these great opportunities out
there, but I can't do anything
about them. Without a Ferengi
Business License... it's like I
don't exist.
ISHKA
(sympathetic)
I understand why you felt the need
to escape for awhile. But why
come here?
QUARK
I had no place else to go.
ISHKA
You're sure about that?
(off Quark's look)
Oh, don't give me that look -- you
and I both know we've never really
gotten along. You disapprove of
me, Quark. You always have.
"Moogie, stop wearing clothes."
"Moogie, stop earning profit."
QUARK
(double-checking)
You have stopped, haven't you? I
mean earning profit. Wearing
clothes is bad enough, but profit --
ISHKA
(interrupting)
See what I mean?
QUARK
I know the two of us living under
the same roof isn't going to be
easy. But you're my mother and I
love you.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT ONE 12.
8 CONTINUED: (2)
ISHKA
And I love you, too. But when you
say "living together" -- what are
we talking about? A day? A week?
Two weeks?
QUARK
I don't know... I guess until I
start feeling better.
(a beat)
Unless of course, you don't want
me.
ISHKA
You're my son... how could I
refuse you?
QUARK
(hopeful)
Then you'll remove all that...
unnecessary clothing?
ISHKA
Don't push your luck.
Quark gets to his feet, picking up his carrying bag.
ISHKA
(slightly concerned)
Where are you going?
QUARK
To my room. I'm exhausted.
Ishka gets up and blocks his path.
ISHKA
(with sudden alarm)
What you need is some of your
mother's cooking. Some nice,
juicy tube grubs?
QUARK
I never liked your tube grubs.
ISHKA
(trying to make it
tempting)
I'll pre-chew them for you.
But Quark can't be enticed; he moves around her,
heading for the bedroom.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT ONE 13.
8 CONTINUED: (3)
QUARK
Maybe later.
Moogie blocks his path again, but Quark fakes a move to
one side and then goes around her on the other, leaving
an apprehensive Moogie behind him.
9 INT. ISHKA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Quark ENTERS the bedroom and surveys the room for a
beat.
QUARK
Hello, room.
(looking around)
Where's all my stuff?
All of Quark's familiar objects are gone.
QUARK
(under his breath,
annoyed)
If she threw out my Marauder Mo
action figures...
Quark moves over to his bed, tests the mattress, then
heads for the closet to put his bag away.
Quark opens the closet, revealing GRAND NAGUS ZEK
glaring defiantly at him. Zek's Hupyrian servant,
MAIHAR'DU, protectively embraces Zek.
But the image doesn't register with Quark. He simply
hands the bag to Zek who takes it. Quark then shuts
the door and turns back toward the room. He takes
three steps before he realizes what has just
transpired.
Quark pivots and returns to the closet, opening the
doors, hoping that he's just imagining things...
But his eyes haven't been playing tricks on him. The
Grand Nagus Zek and Maihar'du are indeed crammed in his
closet.
QUARK
(with awe)
Grand Nagus...
The Nagus flings Quark's bag back at him.
ZEK
Quark, what are you doing here?
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT ONE 14.
9 CONTINUED:
QUARK
(defensive)
I'm visiting my mother...
ZEK
That's no excuse. You've been
banned by the F.C.A.
(an order)
You must leave Ferenginar at once.
Quark snaps to -- wanting to carry out the Grand
Nagus's instructions instantly. He grabs his bag and
makes a beeline out of the room.
10 INT. ISHKA'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Quark continues towards the front door, passing a
worried Moogie on his way.
QUARK
(panicked)
Got to go. The Nagus... he knows
I'm here --
Quark reaches the door before he realizes something.
He stops dead in his tracks.
QUARK
Wait a minute...
(turning to face Moogie)
What's the Nagus doing in my
closet?
ISHKA
(all innocence)
The Nagus?
QUARK
(not buying it)
Moogie...
Ishka can see that Quark is not going to budge without
an explanation.
ISHKA
(calling out)
Zekkie. You might as well come
out.
QUARK
Zekkie?
(a beat)
What's going on?
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT ONE 14A.
10 CONTINUED:
ISHKA
Next time you visit, I'd really
appreciate it if you called first.
QUARK
That doesn't answer my question.
The door opens and the Grand Nagus and Maihar'du step
into the room.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT ONE 15.
10 CONTINUED: (2)
ZEK
"Sometimes, the only thing more
dangerous than a question is an
answer."
QUARK
(trying to please)
Rule of Acquisition two-oh-eight.
(to Ishka)
You're in trouble again, aren't
you? What have you done now?
(back to the Nagus)
Whatever it is, I know nothing
about it.
(to Ishka)
Tell him, Moogie. Tell him I'm
innocent.
ISHKA
Relax, Quark. I'm not in any
trouble.
QUARK
You're not?
ZEK
Why should she be in trouble?
QUARK
I don't know -- I just thought...
since you were here...
(unable to sort it out)
I don't know what I thought.
Quark sits down and puts his head in his hands.
QUARK
I'm so confused.
The Grand Nagus stands next to Ishka.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT ONE 16.
10 CONTINUED: (3)
ZEK
About what? It's all really quite
simple. You see, Quark, your
mother and I...
(putting his arm around
her)
... are in love.
And as Quark looks up at the two happy love birds, we:
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT ONE
DEEP SPACE,NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT TWO 17.
ACT TWO
FADE IN:
11 INT. ISHKA'S HOUSE LIVING ROOM
Minutes later. Ishka and the Nagus are seated -- or
rather, snuggled together on the couch. Quark is
seated near them, trying to ingratiate himself with the
Nagus.
QUARK
So, how did you two meet?
ISHKA
(proudly)
We met at the Global Tongo
Championships.
ZEK
(suddenly remembering)
That's right. I was playing in
the Golden Masters Division.
ISHKA
And I was tucked away in the
sub-basement -- playing in the
Female Division. Anyway, word
leaked down to us that the Grand
Nagus was having a little
difficulty with his game...
ZEK
(rueful)
For some reason my purchases kept
exceeding my sales.
ISHKA
So I wrote him a note -- offering
some helpful pointers to firm up
his play.
ZEK
And they worked! I made a
spectacular comeback and won
the tournament. For the twenty-
seventh year in a row.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT TWO 18.
11 CONTINUED:
ISHKA
Zekkie sent me a very nice thank
you note. Before I knew it, we
were corresponding regularly.
ZEK
Your mother's letters became the
highlight of each day. It was
clear we had to meet.
ISHKA
Imagine his surprise when he found
out I was a female... and your
mother, no less.
ZEK
I almost had a stroke.
(gazing lovingly at
Ishka)
But I recovered.
ISHKA
And we've been seeing each other
ever since.
QUARK
Does anybody know about this?
ZEK
Of course no one knows!
(leaning forward,
threatening)
And you're going to keep it that
way.
QUARK
My lips are sealed.
ZEK
They'd better be.
Maihar'du approaches with a tray of food which he sets
down in front of the Nagus and Ishka.
ISHKA
(to Maihar'du)
Jellied gree worms... Maihar'du,
you're too good to me.
Maihar'du pats her on the head in a show of affection.
ISHKA
(to Quark)
He treats me like a queen.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love..."-REV. 02/18/97 - ACT TWO 19.
11 CONTINUED: (2)
ZEK
(lovingly)
That's because you deserve nothing
less.
ISHKA
Zekkie... they don't come sweeter
than you.
They snuggle noses.
QUARK
(to himself)
I don't believe it...
ZEK
What's that, Quark?
QUARK
Nothing. I've just never seen you
looking happier.
ZEK
That's because I've never felt
happier.
(getting up)
Well, my dear, time to get back to
running the empire. Try not to
miss me too much.
ISHKA
I miss you already.
ZEK
(pleased as punch)
That's my girl.
He turns to leave, followed by Maihar'du.
ISHKA
Oh, Lobekins...
The Nagus turns back at the sound of his nickname to
see Ishka holding up a PADD.
ISHKA
Don't forget your appointment
calendar.
ZEK
Thank you, my prize.
(to Quark)
Your mother is a rare jewel,
Quark.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT TWO 20.
11 CONTINUED: (3)
ZEK (Cont'd)
(an order)
Worship her...
(sweetly, to Ishka)
... as I do.
And with that, he strolls out of the room. Maihar'du
follows, not far behind.
12 ANGLE ON QUARK
A moment of silence as they both react to the Nagus's
departure.
QUARK
Incredible.
ISHKA
Quark -- if you're going to give
me a hard time about this...
QUARK
Give you a hard time?
(breaking out into a
grin)
You and the Nagus... I couldn't be
happier.
Quark envelopes his mother in a smothering hug.
QUARK
(to himself)
For all of us.
13 EXT. SPACE - DEEP SPACE NINE (STOCK) (OPTICAL)
Re-establishing.
14 INT. QUARK'S
O'Brien, no longer in his vole-hunting outfit, is
scanning the room with a tricorder. Rom ENTERS.
O'BRIEN
No sign of a single vole. I think
we got them all.
ROM
Chief, is it all right if I take
a slightly longer lunch than
usual?
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT TWO 21.
14 CONTINUED:
Rom whips out a PADD, shows it to O'Brien.
ROM
I need Leeta to sign this.
O'BRIEN
A Waiver of Property and Profit?
ROM
Ferengi females aren't allowed to
own property or earn profit. The
W.P. and P. states that in the
event the marriage ends, the
female gives up all claim to her
husband's estate.
O'BRIEN
And you think Leeta's going to
agree to this?
ROM
I agreed to wear the earring.
(firm)
Either Leeta signs this or the
wedding's off. I may not be a
traditional Ferengi -- but I'm
still a Ferengi.
O'Brien SHRUGS reflectively.
O'BRIEN
It's your life, but I think you're
making a big mistake.
ROM
I think I'd be making a bigger
mistake if I didn't.
(confident)
Besides, Leeta loves me. You'll
see, Chief, she'll sign it.
SMASH CUT TO:
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT TWO 22.
15 INT. ROM'S QUARTERS
CLOSE ON Leeta staring incredulously at the PADD.
LEETA
Are you crazy? I'm not going to
sign this.
ROM
Why not?
LEETA
Because a marriage is about
sharing -- everything... including
money.
ROM
Not on Ferenginar.
LEETA
We're not on Ferenginar.
ROM
But I'm a Ferengi.
LEETA
And I'm not.
ROM
"Females and finances don't mix."
Rule of Acquisition ninety-four.
LEETA
That's a stupid rule.
Rom backs away, pointing an accusatory finger.
ROM
It's true... you're just like her.
You're after my money.
LEETA
Like who?
ROM
My first wife... pretending that
you care about me... but all the
time it's my profits that you
really care about.
LEETA
Rom -- I love you, not your
latinum.
ROM
Then prove it. Sign the W.P. and P.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT TWO 23.
15 CONTINUED:
But Leeta has no intention of doing that.
LEETA
Never.
ROM
(with finality)
Then the marriage is off.
Rom angrily takes off his Bajoran earring.
LEETA
You bet it is.
And with that, she storms out.
16 ON ROM
as he stands there for a moment, defiant. Unmovable.
After a beat, he steals a glance at the door, but Leeta
is not coming back.
17 INT. ISHKA'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
At the dinner table are Quark, Zek and Moogie. Quark
watches with delightful amazement as Zek and Moogie
snuggle noses.
ZEK
My dear, you reek of tube grubs.
ISHKA
So do you, lobekins.
ZEK
Are your ears tingling?
(off her nod)
Mine, too.
Zek laughs lasciviously, she smiles coyly. As they sit
back, we HOLD ON Quark, who sees an opportunity:
QUARK
So tell me, Nagus, how was your
day?
ZEK
Oh, you know how it is... arcybite
ore futures are continuing to
increase...
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT TWO 24.
17 CONTINUED:
The Nagus speaks to both Quark and Ishka in his
response.
ZEK
... the Bolians have finally agreed
to allow the Ferengi Gaming
Commission to take over their
gambling emporiums... and I've
allocated extra funds for research
on a new breed of Hupyrian
beetles. Those little fellows are
going to revolutionize the entire
beetle snuff industry.
ISHKA
Now that's what I call a busy and
productive day.
QUARK
(jumping in)
No wonder the Ferengi economy is
growing at a record pace... costs
are down, profits are up...
ZEK
... and opportunity is around every
corner.
ISHKA
Zekkie, you've done quite a job.
QUARK
And your people love you for it.
Your business acumen, your
negotiating skills, your kindness
and generosity --
ZEK
Forget it, Quark. I'm not going
to reverse the F.C.A.'s decision.
They revoked your Business License
and it's up to them to reinstate
it.
QUARK
But you're the most powerful man
on Ferenginar. You can do
whatever you want.
ZEK
True. But contracts are the very
basis of our society. And you
broke a contract with another
Ferengi.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT TWO 25.
17 CONTINUED: (2)
ZEK (Cont'd)
If I were to intervene on your
behalf, I would be encouraging
others to violate the law. And
that, I will not do.
Quark turns to his mother, looking for an ally.
QUARK
Moogie, talk to him --
But Moogie is inclined to side with the Nagus.
ISHKA
He makes a very good point, Quark.
What you did was wrong.
QUARK
Thanks, I knew I could count on
you.
ZEK
I'd watch my tone of voice, if I
were you...
(to Ishka)
Come, my dear. Let's take a
stroll in your garden.
The Nagus and Ishka get up to leave. The Nagus, having
a thought, turns to Quark.
ZEK
Quark, do me a favor, will you?
Help Maihar'du clear the table.
He's not as young as he used to
be.
And with that, they EXIT, leaving a depressed, lonely
and unloved Quark.
18 INT. ISHKA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM
Quark comes in, looking like he wants to crawl into bed
and pull the covers over his head.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT TWO 26.
18 CONTINUED:
Suddenly, he hears the familiar SOUND OF A TRANSPORTER
BEAM emanating from inside his closet. Puzzled, he
crosses over to the closet, opens it and is startled to
find LIQUIDATOR BRUNT, staring smugly back at him.
BRUNT
Brunt. F.C.A.
And on that, we:
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT TWO
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT THREE 27.
ACT THREE
FADE IN:
19 INT. ISHKA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM
Moments later, as before. Brunt is still glaring at
Quark from within the closet.
QUARK
What are you doing in my closet?
BRUNT
Conducting official F.C.A.
business.
QUARK
In my closet?
BRUNT
I didn't want the "happy couple"
to see me.
QUARK
Happy couple?
BRUNT
Don't play innocent with me.
Brunt steps out of the closet, looking around.
BRUNT
I know all about their perverted,
little love affair.
Quark immediately tries to distance himself.
QUARK
I had nothing to do with it. They
met playing tongo. I only found
out about it today.
BRUNT
She's your mother, Quark. That
makes you responsible for her
actions. And right now, she's
endangering the very foundation of
Ferengi society.
(shivering with disgust)
I can just see her, whispering in
the Nagus's ear, contaminating his
thoughts with her twisted, female
philosophies.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT THREE 28.
19 CONTINUED:
BRUNT (Cont'd)
I'm telling you, Quark, if we
don't do something to end that
relationship, you're going to see
clothed females walking down the
streets of Ferenginar in broad
daylight. If I had my way, I'd
climb to the top of the Tower of
Commerce and denounce your mother
to the crowd below.
(a sigh)
But we must spare the Nagus even
a hint of public disgrace. We
have to end their relationship...
but privately. Quietly.
QUARK
So what are you going to do?
BRUNT
I'm not going to do anything. You
are.
QUARK
Me?
BRUNT
Who else? She's your mother and
the Nagus -- for reasons that
elude me completely -- likes you.
That puts you in the perfect
position to poison their
relationship.
QUARK
(indignant)
Why should I help you? You were
the one that revoked my business
license.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT THREE 29.
19 CONTINUED: (2)
BRUNT
I'll give you a new one.
QUARK
(without missing a beat)
You've got a deal.
Quark is delighted; it appears that things might work
out for him after all. And as they seal their
agreement --
19A EXT. FERENGI TOWER OF COMMERCE (STOCK)
Establishing Tower of Commerce Building.
20 INT. TOWER OF COMMERCE - CHAMBER OF PETITIONERS
is a small room in which the Nagus dispenses financial
advice to various Ferengi businessmen. The Nagus sits
on a throne-like chair in the center of the room. In
one arm of the chair is a slot for the depositing of
latinum.
At the moment, a Ferengi named LECK is on his knees
before the Nagus seeking advice. Maihar'du stands off
to the side.
LECK
You see, Nagus, my father was a
very astute businessman, but he
had an unfortunate weakness --
oyster toads. Very tasty, but
sometimes toxic.
(beat)
Of course, upon his death, I
inherited his entire fortune.
ZEK
Good for you.
LECK
But I find that with wealth comes
the desire for more wealth.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT THREE 29A.
20 CONTINUED:
ZEK
As it should.
LECK
So I come to you for advice,
Nagus.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT THREE 30.
20 CONTINUED: (2)
LECK (Cont'd)
Do I invest my money in gouge
mining on Feckle Prime or in
tulaberry vineyards on Seppus
Three?
ZEK
An interesting question... Hmmm....
let's see now...
The Nagus appears deep in thought, but he
surreptitiously picks up the PADD Moogie gave him and
looks up the answer.
ZEK
(to himself)
Feckle Prime... or tulaberries...
He finds what he's looking for, puts the PADD away and
looks decisively over at Leck.
ZEK
If you'd come to me a year ago, I
would have said gouge mining was
the way to go... but at this
point, I don't know how much more
gouging Feckle Prime can take.
(a beat)
So tulaberries it is.
LECK
(grateful)
Once again, Nagus, you've proven
to have the wisest lobes in all of
Ferenginar.
ZEK
That's what they pay me for.
Leck gets up and places a slip of latinum in the slot
of the Nagus's throne, and EXITS. As soon as he's
gone, the Nagus hands his staff to Maihar'du and slumps
back in his seat. Maihar'du crosses to the door to
bring in the next petitioner. As he pokes his head out
the door, he bumps into Quark.
QUARK
I need to speak to the Nagus.
Maihar'du glances back at the Nagus -- is it all right?
ZEK
What do you want, Quark?
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT THREE 31.
20 CONTINUED: (3)
Quark moves around Maihar'du and approaches the Nagus's
throne.
QUARK
I just stopped by to pay my
respects.
ZEK
Well, in that case, pay them.
Quark realizes that he's overlooked Ferengi custom: he
takes out a slip of latinum and places it in the slot.
ZEK
Feel better? Now go.
The Nagus stands, preparing to leave. Quark talks fast
in order to gain his attention.
QUARK
Before I do, I just want to say
how proud I am that you consider
my home, your home. My mother is
a very lucky woman.
ZEK
And I'm a very lucky man. I guess
the only one around here who isn't
lucky is you.
The Nagus LAUGHS at his own joke. Maihar'du joins in,
but Quark manages only a smile.
QUARK
I just think it's great that she's
found someone who cares for her so
deeply that he can ignore all
those vicious rumors about her.
ZEK
You mean the rumors about her
earning profit? I know the whole
story -- the F.C.A. forced her to
give up every strip of latinum she
made.
QUARK
I'm talking about the other
rumors... the ones that say she
hasn't given it all back.
ZEK
(dismissive)
Nonsense.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT THREE 31A.
20 CONTINUED: (4)
QUARK
Of course it is.
Zek tries to suppress the doubts creeping into his
head.
QUARK
And the wildest rumor has to be
about what she plans to do with
her fortune --
("get this")
She's going to fund a political
revolution to end the male
domination on Ferenginar.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT THREE 32.
20 CONTINUED: (5)
ZEK
(hard)
You mean, equal rights for
females?
QUARK
Crazy isn't it? I mean, so what
if she wears clothing? Or managed
to worm her way into the heart of
the most influential Ferengi
alive. Those aren't crimes, are
they?
ZEK
Absolutely not.
QUARK
And what if she is as cunning and
ruthless as any male -- that
doesn't mean she's not to be
trusted, does it?
(a beat)
The important thing is that she
loves you... that you're not just
some pawn in her plans for world
domination.
ZEK
World domination? By a female?
QUARK
It's a horrifying thought.
Luckily, they're just rumors.
(clapping his hands)
Well, time to go. I'll see you
tonight, Nagus.
(pointed)
I know Moogie can hardly wait.
ZEK
For what?
QUARK
(all innocence)
For you to get home.
Quark EXITS, leaving a thoughtful Nagus, who turns to
Maihar'du and voices his thoughts:
ZEK
Now that he mentions it... she
really has no business wearing
clothes in front of her Nagus...
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT THREE 33.
20 CONTINUED: (6)
And on that note --
21 INT. ISHKA'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
Quark is standing in the middle of the room listening
intently to something off screen that our feeble "Hew-
mon" ears cannot hear. Then, having heard the
approaching FOOTSTEPS he's been expecting, he places a
phaser to his temple and assumes a tragic pose. Ishka
ENTERS, and though she speaks to Quark, she appears to
take no notice of the phaser.
ISHKA
I should start dinner. Zekkie'll
be here any minute. What do you
say to some nice slug steaks?
QUARK
(still holding phaser to
his head)
I'm not hungry.
Finally, as she passes by Quark, she glances at the
phaser.
ISHKA
Quark... the power cells are
empty.
With a frustrated SIGH, Quark lowers the weapon.
QUARK
I must've been too depressed to
notice.
ISHKA
(with genuine sympathy)
It's the F.C.A. ban, isn't it?
QUARK
(nodding)
It's awful... you don't know what
it's like to be denied the
opportunity to earn profit.
ISHKA
Oh, yes I do. I know exactly what
it's like.
QUARK
(realizing)
It's worse for a male.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT THREE 34.
21 CONTINUED:
ISHKA
(dubious)
Is it?
QUARK
(not up for struggle)
Moogie, I'm in no mood to argue
politics right now. I'm too
distraught...
Quark sits down on the couch; he's a defeated man.
Moogie hates to see him this way. She sits down on the
couch beside him.
ISHKA
All right, Quark. I'll talk to
the Nagus... I'll see if I can
convince him to intercede on your
behalf.
Quark smiles blissfully and places his head on his
mother's shoulder.
QUARK
Moogie...
ISHKA
(patting him on the
head)
You're a manipulative, self-
centered, conniver...
QUARK
Thank you.
ISHKA
Zek should be here any minute.
Quark leaps to his feet.
QUARK
I'll make myself scarce. Good
luck, I'm counting on you.
And with that, Quark hurries out the front door.
22 INT. PROMENADE
SISKO walks between WORF and ODO as they walk down the
Promenade. Worf and Odo are in a heated discussion.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT THREE 35.
22 CONTINUED:
ODO
Commander, I'm sorry if the
Klingons are unhappy, but station
rules are station rules.
WORF
I am well aware of station rules.
But General Martok is a great
warrior and has no business being
in a holding cell.
ODO
(pointing)
He threw one of his men off that
crossway.
WORF
It was a disciplinary measure.
Besides, K'retok was not injured.
He was barely shaken up.
ODO
As opposed to the Bolian
Ambassador. K'retok only missed
her by a centimeter.
WORF
But he did miss her.
Sisko's heard enough of this.
SISKO
Constable, release General Martok.
ODO
(Odo protests)
Sir--
SISKO
Mister Worf, tell the General this
is not a Klingon space station.
If he can't abide by our regulations,
I'm sure Chancellor Gowron will
send us someone who can.
WORF
Understood.
Worf EXITS.
SISKO
Constable?
ODO
Understood.
Sisko and Odo take a couple more steps before Sisko
stops, reacting to a faint sound off screen.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT THREE 36.
22 CONTINUED: (2)
SISKO
Do you hear that?
Sure enough, the sound of MUFFLED WHIMPERING emanates
from behind a pillar.
Sisko and Odo move around the pillar to find Rom, busy
at work, running a diagnostic on an open monitor, tears
streaming down his face.
SISKO
Rom... are you okay?
ROM
(between sniffles)
I'm fine, Captain. Thanks for
asking.
ODO
(to Sisko, sotto voce)
The wedding's off.
Sisko nods, "I see."
SISKO
I'm sorry.
ROM
Don't be, Captain. These are
tears of joy.
But Sisko knows better, and pats Rom on the shoulder
sympathetically.
SISKO
Carry on.
And with that, Sisko and Odo moves off. And as they
walk down the hall, CAMERA CRANES UP to --
23 INT. PROMENADE - SECOND LEVEL
where a patient KIRA listens to a hurt and angry Leeta.
LEETA
I hate him.
KIRA
No, you don't.
LEETA
All he loves is latinum.
KIRA
No, he doesn't.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT THREE 37
23 CONTINUED:
LEETA
Canceling the wedding is the best
thing that ever happened to me.
KIRA
No, it isn't.
LEETA
I am so glad he's out of my life.
KIRA
No, you're not.
Leeta, frustrated with Kira's responses, lashes out:
LEETA
Major, you haven't been listening
to me.
KIRA
Yes I have. That's how I know you
love him.
Leeta's face crumbles into TEARS. Leeta sinks into the
major's comforting shoulder... a long-suffering Kira pats
her on the back.
24 EXT. FERENGINAR - MATTE SHOT (STOCK) (OPTICAL)
Re-establishing.
25 EXT. ISHKA'S HOUSE
Quark steps through the portico that leads to the main
door. He peers through a round window in the door and
sees --
26 QUARK'S POV - OF ISHKA
slumped on the couch crying.
27 CLOSE ON QUARK
as he smiles, pleased that his plan seems to be
working. Putting on an innocent face, Quark ENTERS.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT THREE 38.
27 CONTINUED:
QUARK
(calling out, sing-
songy)
Moogie. I'm home.
Quark takes a few steps before "spotting" Ishka.
QUARK
So, how'd it go? Am I reinstated?
Moogie says nothing, just buries her face in the
pillow.
QUARK
(feigning panic)
What's wrong? Did the Nagus say
"no?"
Ishka turns around a gives him a CLOUT on the head.
ISHKA
Don't you think about anyone but
yourself?
QUARK
Of course I do, I just think about
myself first.
(feigning concern)
Now tell me, what's wrong?
ISHKA
(between tears)
He left me. All I asked him was
to reinstate your license, and the
next thing I know he's accusing me
of plotting to overthrow the
government!
QUARK
That's ridiculous.
ISHKA
He said I didn't really love
him... that I was just using
him... that I was a scheming,
profit-hungry female who couldn't
keep her clothes off.
QUARK
(feigned outrage)
The nerve.
Ishka stands up, nervously pacing.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT THREE 39.
27 CONTINUED: (2)
ISHKA
Oh, Quark -- I don't know what I'm
going to do without him.
(then with unexplained
alarm)
I don't know what he's going to do
without me.
QUARK
I'm sorry, Moogie. But these
things happen. It's probably
better this way...
ISHKA
(simply, no more tears)
No, it's not. It's a disaster,
for all of us.
And with as much dignity as she can muster, she EXITS
into her bedroom.
28 ON QUARK (OPTICAL)
as he waits a beat to make sure Moogie doesn't come
back out. He then breaks into a smile and jaunts over
to the monitor. He taps a panel and Brunt APPEARS on
the screen.
BRUNT
Brunt. F.C.A.
QUARK
(grinning)
I hope you had a productive day.
I certainly have.
BRUNT
You're smiling, Quark. Therefore,
I assume you mother is not.
QUARK
It's hard to smile with a broken
heart. Now about my business
license...
BRUNT
As of this moment, it's as valid
as my own. Congratulations,
Quark. You're a Ferengi again.
Brunt's image DISAPPEARS. HOLD ON Quark's very happy
face for a beat.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT THREE 40.
28 CONTINUED:
QUARK
I always was.
And we:
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT THREE
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT FOUR 41.
ACT FOUR
FADE IN:
29 INT. ISHKA'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
It's morning. A depressed Moogie sits staring blankly
at the couch. Her baggy, red eyes reveal she hasn't
slept all night. A cheerful Quark approaches with a
tray of food.
QUARK
Breakfast.
Ishka makes no move towards the bowl of food.
ISHKA
I'm not hungry.
QUARK
Moogie, you have to eat something.
ISHKA
Why?
QUARK
Because life goes on. There are
other slugs in the sea.
ISHKA
You're leaving, aren't you?
You're going back to Deep Space
Nine.
QUARK
How did you know?
ISHKA
(re: the food)
You spent all morning jellying
gree worms. Which tells me your
conscience is bothering you. You
feel guilty about leaving me
alone. Well, don't. I don't need
you... I don't need anyone.
Quark thinks about this for half a beat.
QUARK
(pleased)
Okay.
(a beat)
Well, I should go pack.
As he gets up, the monitor CHIMES, indicating a call.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT FOUR 42.
29 CONTINUED:
QUARK
(puzzled)
Who could that be.. ?
30 ANGLE ON QUARK (OPTICAL)
as he steps up to the monitor, taps the console, and
the IMAGE of the Nagus appears on screen.
ZEK
Hello, Rom.
QUARK
It's Quark.
ZEK
Quark, that's what I said. I want
to see you in the Tower of
Commerce, right away. Don't keep
me waiting.
And with that, he SIGNS OFF. Ishka approaches Quark,
wiping away her tears.
ISHKA
Why's the Nagus calling you?
QUARK
I have no idea.
ISHKA
(hopeful)
I bet it's about me.
QUARK
(not thinking)
I doubt it.
(then catching himself)
But it could be. Either way, I'll
do all I can to straighten things
out between the two of you.
That's a promise.
And off that moment --
31 INT. TOWER OF COMMERCE - CHAMBER OF PETITIONERS
CLOSE ON Quark looking surprised and honored.
QUARK
You want me to be First Clerk to
the Nagus?
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT FOUR 43.
31 CONTINUED:
WIDEN to include the Nagus on his throne, Maihar'du
standing nearby.
ZEK
That's right, Quark. My own
personal financial assistant.
What do you say?
QUARK
Why me?
ZEK
Consider it a reward for saving me
from that wretched mother of
yours.
QUARK
What about my bar?
ZEK
You want to be a bartender all
your life? I'm offering you
something more... A chance to
participate in the major decisions
that shape this glorious financial
empire of ours.
Quark begins to warm to the notion of being in the
center of power; he can see some very promising
possibilities...
QUARK
Well, when you put it that way...
The Nagus tosses Quark his PADD.
ZEK
Good. Now you can start by
briefing me on today's
petitioners.
Quark takes the PADD and taps a few keys, but the
screen remains BLANK.
QUARK
I need your access code.
ZEK
Three, seven, four, slash, one,
five, five.
Quark taps in the numbers, the screen remains BLANK.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT FOUR 44.
31 CONTINUED: (2)
QUARK
It's not working.
ZEK
You must've put them in wrong.
QUARK
(doing it again)
Three, seven, four, slash, one,
five, five.
(a beat)
Nope.
The Nagus starts looking uncomfortable. An element of
doubt creeps into his voice.
ZEK
Maybe it's one, five, four.
Quark is feeling the Nagus's distress and it's making
him feel uncomfortable, too.
QUARK
(with a nervous smile)
No... that's not it either.
ZEK
I don't understand... what did I
say those first numbers were?
QUARK
Three, seven, four...
ZEK
(struggling)
Three, seven, four... are those
right?
(angry)
You're confusing me.
QUARK
I'm sorry -- I didn't mean to.
Maihar'du reaches over, takes the PADD from Quark and
punches in some numbers. This time, the SCREEN comes
to life. Maihar'du hands the PADD back to Quark.
QUARK
Ah, it was a six.
ZEK
What was?
QUARK
The last number.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT FOUR 45.
31 CONTINUED: (3)
ZEK
Isn't that what I said? Oh, a
lifetime of numbers. You can't
blame me for forgetting a few.
Now let's get down to business --
who's the first petitioner?
Quark looks at the PADD.
QUARK
Daimon Igel. He wants to know if
he should sell his duranium
interests on the open market or on
the Futures Exchange.
ZEK
An interesting question...
(to Quark)
Well, don't just stand there,
let's see how duranium's been
doing.
Quark hits some more keys.
QUARK
Over the last three trading cycles
there's been an increase of seven-
and-three-quarters... a decrease
of two-and-an-eighth and then
another increase of eleven-and-
three-eighths.
ZEK
That's a gain of eighteen points.
QUARK
(gently)
Actually, it's seventeen.
ZEK
(feathers ruffled)
What are you talking about? Seven
and three quarters... minus two
and...
The Nagus continues MUMBLING the numbers to himself,
looking more and more confused. Quark, who is now
realizing that the Nagus is not on top of his game,
looks to Maihar'du. Maihar'du looks back at him
imploringly, as if asking him to do something --
anything -- to help ease his master's struggle. But
what can Quark do?
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT FOUR 46.
31 CONTINUED: (4)
ZEK
Oh, who cares about duranium
anyway?
QUARK
Daimon Igel.
ZEK
(nervously bewildered)
Daimon Igel? Who's he? Do I like
him?
Quark is completely thrown by all this; this isn't the
Nagus he knows and admires...
32 EXT. SPACE - DEEP SPACE NINE (STOCK) (OPTICAL)
Re-establishing.
33 INT. ROM'S QUARTERS
Rom is seated, his head resting on his crossed arms,
which in turn, are resting on a table. He gazes
directly in front of him at eight piles of strips and
slips of latinum that have been divided into two
separate groupings. The rest of the room is a mess.
Rom has clearly neglected his housekeeping chores.
After a beat, the door CHIMES.
ROM
Come in.
O'Brien ENTERS. Rom doesn't take his eyes off the
latinum.
ROM
Hello, Chief.
O'Brien scans the room; the mess tells him all he needs
to know about Rom's current state of mind.
O'BRIEN
I need that phase calibrator I
lent you the other day.
ROM
It's in my tool kit, by the door.
But O'Brien's attention is now focused on Rom.
O'BRIEN
What are you doing, Rom?
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT FOUR 47.
33 CONTINUED:
ROM
These are my profits, Chief. My
entire fortune. It may be small,
but it's mine.
O'BRIEN
Why the two piles?
ROM
I'm thinking of giving this pile
to Leeta. That way maybe she'll
sign the W.P. and P.
O'BRIEN
You're offering her a bribe?
ROM
Bribes can be very effective.
O'BRIEN
But if she signs the waiver, then
she can't own anything and she'd
have to give it all back to you.
ROM
(thinking it over)
Right... that's not going to work,
is it?
O'Brien walks over to him.
O'BRIEN
Rom, I don't think there's any way
you're going to convince Leeta to
sign that waiver.
But Rom appears not to be listening. He just gazes at
his piles of "wealth."
ROM
Have you ever looked at latinum...
I mean really looked at it! It's
so beautiful... not to mention
smooth to the touch.
O'BRIEN
Do you want Leeta back or not?
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT FOUR 48.
33 CONTINUED: (2)
ROM
"Latinum lasts longer than lust."
Rule of Acquisition, two-twenty-
nine.
O'BRIEN
Maybe so, but lust can be a lot
more fun. Now answer the question --
do you want her back?
ROM
I'd give anything to hold her in
my arms again.
O'Brien picks up a strip of latinum, studying it.
O'BRIEN
Anything?
And off Rom's questioning look
34 INT. PROMENADE
Leeta is working a jumja (glop-on-a-stick) kiosk.
ROM (O.S.)
One jumja stick, please.
Leeta turns to see --
35 ROM
gazing fondly at her. Leeta keeps her attitude all-
business.
LEETA
What flavor.
ROM
Actually, I don't like jumja
sticks.
LEETA
Then what do you want, Rom?
ROM
I want you to marry me.
LEETA
I'm not signing that waiver.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT FOUR 49.
35 CONTINUED:
ROM
You don't have to -- not anymore.
I don't have any profit left to
protect.
LEETA
I don't understand.
ROM
I gave all my latinum to Major
Kira for the Bajoran War Orphans
Fund.
(a chuckle)
She kissed me.
LEETA
Oh, Rom...
Leeta steps out of the kiosk to get closer to Rom.
LEETA
You did that for me?
ROM
I did it for us. Now we have
nothing but our love.
LEETA
That's all we need.
(a beat)
That and my salary from Quark's.
And with that, they kiss. CAMERA CRANES up to see
Bashir and O'Brien gazing at the two lovebirds from one
of the crossways.
BASHIR
Well done, Chief -- or should I
call you Cupid?
O'BRIEN
What can I say? I'm an incurable
romantic.
And we go to --
36 INT. ISHKA'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM (VPB)
A worried Ishka is seated at the monitor, watching the
Ferengi Stock Exchange, as a weary and depressed Quark
ENTERS, and lethargically wipes his head from the rain.
Ishka moves away from the monitor and steps up to
Quark.
ISHKA
Quark, where've you been all day?
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT FOUR 50.
36 CONTINUED:
QUARK
With the Nagus. He made me his
First Clerk.
This seems to clarify something for Ishka.
ISHKA
I see... well then you've had a
miserable day, haven't you?
QUARK
Maybe the worst day of my life.
How did you know?
ISHKA
The market exchange is down a
hundred and ninety-nine points.
Quark sits down, holding his head.
QUARK
I don't know if I should tell you
this -- but I have to tell
someone. The Nagus...
Quark struggles with what he has to say; he doesn't
really want to voice what he knows is true.
QUARK
He isn't...
Ishka saves him the trouble.
ISHKA
I know. His memory isn't what it
used to be. Did you try stroking
his lobes?
QUARK
(shocked/disgusted)
No, I didn't stroke his lobes!
ISHKA
(shrugging)
It helps focus him. It's also not
a bad idea to repeat what you say
to him... it sometimes takes two,
even three times before he'll
retain it.
Then the implications of this revelation suddenly dawn
on Quark:
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT FOUR 50A.
36 CONTINUED: (2)
QUARK
You two weren't just lovers...
you've been helping him run
things... you're the power behind
the throne!
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT FOUR 51.
36 CONTINUED: (3)
ISHKA
I wouldn't go that far. I just
helped him a little, guided him --
a leveraged buyout here... some
momentum investing there...
But Quark knows his mother's talents and he knows she's
just being modest.
QUARK
Why didn't you tell me? If I'd
known what was going on, I never
would have --
Quark stops himself. But not in time:
ISHKA
Never would have what?
Quark averts her look. Ishka immediately realizes the
implications of his revelation.
ISHKA
Oh, Quark...
(accusatory)
You turned Zek against me, didn't
you? You filled his head with all
those lies about me.
QUARK
(an apology)
I didn't know.
ISHKA
Who put you up to this?
QUARK
Who do you think?
Then it all falls into place for Ishka:
ISHKA
Brunt.
(a beat)
What did he offer you? Your
business license back?
Quark nods silently, then offers what seems -- even to
him -- a feeble explanation:
QUARK
"A Ferengi without profit is no
Ferengi at all." You taught me
that.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT FOUR 52.
36 CONTINUED:
ISHKA
The Rules of Acquisition aren't
going to help you now, Quark.
Quark holds his head as if it were about to explode.
QUARK
A hundred and ninety-nine point
slide...
ISHKA
And that's just the beginning.
(a beat)
Congratulations. You've not only
destroyed my life and Zek's
life... you may have triggered
the destruction of the entire
Ferengi economy.
(a hard look)
I hope it was worth it.
And with that, Ishka EXITS into the bedroom, leaving a
miserable Quark to contemplate his situation. And, we:
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT FOUR
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT FIVE 53.
ACT FIVE
FADE IN:
37 INT. TOWER OF COMMERCE - CHAMBER OF PETITIONERS
Morning. Quark is seated, surrounded by a sea of
Ferengi PADDS, desperately trying to prepare for the
day's workload. There's a lot to catch up on and
little time to do it. (Note: Quark should NOT be
seated on the Nagus's throne.)
BRUNT (O.S.)
My, aren't we early today.
ADJUST ANGLE to reveal Brunt, ENTERING. Quark all but
ignores Brunt, trying to keep focus on his work.
BRUNT
But I suppose, after yesterday's
fiasco, you have no alternative.
A hundred and ninety-nine point
plummet... Haven't seen that
steep a market slide since Grand
Nagus Smeet. And you know what
happened to him...
QUARK
(worried)
The only Grand Nagus to be
assassinated while in office...
BRUNT
What was the name of his First
Clerk? I believe they buried them
together.
QUARK
(hoping against hope)
I'm sure we'll do better today.
BRUNT
No, you won't. The Market
Exchange will remain closed today.
The F.C.A. Board of Liquidators
has called an emergency meeting
with the Grand Nagus. We have
some... questions to ask him.
(smile)
And by the time we're through...
you'll both be out of a job.
Quark doesn't understand why Brunt seems to have
turned against him.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT FIVE 53A.
37 CONTINUED:
QUARK
Why are you picking on me? I've
done everything you've asked,
haven't I?
BRUNT
(smiling)
Everything.
Brunt sits in the Nagus's throne, checking out its
"fit." He likes it.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT FIVE 54.
37 CONTINUED: (2)
BRUNT
Grand Nagus Brunt. Daddy will be
so proud.
QUARK
(the dime drops)
You knew the truth about the Nagus
all along, didn't you?
BRUNT
You mean about Zek's failing
memory?
(feigning a memory
search)
Let me think... now that you
mention it... yes, I did.
QUARK
That's why you wanted to destroy
his relationship with my mother --
not to protect him, but to expose
him.
BRUNT
I couldn't have done it without
you. I feel almost... grateful.
Which is why I'm going to let you
keep your new business license.
Now put down those PADDS, pack
your things, and scurry back to
that little bar of yours.
38 EXTREME CLOSE UP OF QUARK
whose dejected face fills the frame.
ISHKA (O.S.)
So how come you're still here,
Quark?
39 PULL BACK TO REVEAL
we are now at ISHKA'S HOUSE, LIVING ROOM, and Quark has
told his mother what happened with Brunt.
ISHKA
After all, Brunt is right. You
should be back on Deep Space Nine,
celebrating your victory. You've
proven yourself a true Ferengi.
You've betrayed friends and family
for personal gain.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT FIVE 55.
39 CONTINUED:
QUARK
(puzzled)
It sounds so good when you say it.
ISHKA
But?
QUARK
I think I've been hanging around
Hew-mons too long. I think I'm
developing a... a...
But Quark can't bring himself to say it.
ISHKA
Conscience?
QUARK
(he shutters)
It's been coming for a long time.
I've fought against it -- really
I have! But living with those
people, day in and day out...
being exposed to their ethics...
their morality... it's like I've
been brainwashed.
Moogie reaches out and pats him on the hand.
ISHKA
You poor boy.
QUARK
Moogie, I'm serious!
ISHKA
I know you are. And I know how
important your problems are to
you. But frankly, Quark, right
now --
(yelling in his face)
I don't give a damn about them!
We've got much bigger problems to
deal with. Do you want Brunt to
become Nagus?
QUARK
Of course not. He was willing to
throw our entire economy into
chaos just so he could grab power.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT FIVE 56.
39 CONTINUED: (2)
ISHKA
(playing devil's
advocate)
Sounds like a true Ferengi to me.
QUARK
A Ferengi, maybe. But not a
Nagus. A Nagus has to be better
than that. His personal greed has
to reflect the public's greed.
ISHKA
Like Zek.
QUARK
Exactly.
ISHKA
So what are we going to do about
it?
We HOLD ON Quark for a beat, as he considers his
options.
DISSOLVE TO:
40 EXT. FERENGI TOWER OF COMMERCE (STOCK) (OPTICAL)
Re-establishing.
41 INT. TOWER OF COMMERCE - CHAMBER OF PETITIONERS
The room is empty. After a beat, we hear LAUGHTER and
EXCITED VOICES.
ZEK (O.S.)
Did you see their faces? They
thought they had me.
The door opens and in comes the Nagus, Quark and
Maihar'du. Their mood, jubilant.
ZEK
But we showed them. I answered
every question, didn't I?
QUARK
You certainly did.
ZEK
The state of the trade
negotiations with the Breen...
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT FIVE 57.
41 CONTINUED:
ZEK (Cont'd)
... why I dumped our lokar bean
investments... why I insisted we
buy up every bit of jevonite we
could get our hands on.
QUARK
You were brilliant. For a moment
there, I actually thought Brunt's
head was going to explode with
frustration.
The Nagus sits on his throne.
ZEK
By the time I'm done with him,
he'll wish it had. He
underestimated me.
(a smile)
And he underestimated you, too.
QUARK
Me? I did nothing.
ZEK
Nonsense. I might've fooled those
Liquidators, but I'm not fooling
myself. I'm becoming forgetful.
At times, my memory betrays me.
QUARK
I hear the Vulcans have been very
successful at treating memory
loss.
ZEK
Vulcans, huh? Never liked them.
No appreciation of profit. But
they do make good doctors.
(to Maihar'du)
Make an appointment for me.
Maihar'du nods, he'll take care of it.
ZEK
I'll never forget what you did for
me, Rom --
QUARK
It's Quark.
ZEK
(smiling)
Gotcha. I may have lost my
memory, but not my sense of humor.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT FIVE 58.
41 CONTINUED: (2)
The Nagus LAUGHS, enjoying his own joke.
ZEK
As far as I'm concerned, you're
still my First Clerk.
QUARK
I'm honored, Oh, Shrewd One. But
I'm afraid your confidence in me
is misplaced. Maihar'du?
Quark signals a nod to Maihar'du, who EXITS the room.
ZEK
Quark, I find this newfound
modesty of yours very annoying.
I need a financial advisor and
you're it.
QUARK
If you insist. But first, let me
introduce you to my financial
advisor...
Quark turns to where Maihar'du has popped his head back
into the room. Quark nods his head, and Maihar'du
leads a small, hooded figure into the room.
ZEK
(suspecting)
Don't tell me...
The figure unhoods, REVEALING none other than Ishka.
ISHKA
Zekkie...
ZEK
Quark -- why'd you bring that
female here?
QUARK
Because the Nagus deserves the
best financial advisor there is --
and that's my Moogie. All the
advice I gave you today came from
her.
ISHKA
I'm not going to lie to you,
Zekkie. I believe in equal rights
for females. And someday, I hope
you will, too. But I'd never do
anything to hurt you.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT FIVE 59.
41 CONTINUED: (3)
ZEK
What about all those rumors Quark
told me?
ISHKA
They were lies. Tell him, Quark.
QUARK
(shuffling his shoes)
I guess I stretched the truth here
and there...
ZEK
Quark, you're fired.
(then he turns to Ishka)
The question is... what am I going
to do with you?
ISHKA
(lovingly)
Anything you want.
ZEK
What man could resist an offer
like that?
ISHKA
Let's go home and I'll make
dinner.
ZEK
(hard)
No, you won't.
(then smiling)
Maihar'du will prepare it. I have
other plans for you...
ISHKA
Oh, Zekkie...
They embrace. Maihar'du steps up to Quark and puts his
arm around him, happily watching the happy couple.
42 INT. ISHKA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM
CLOSE on a pair of hands stuffing belongings into Quark's
bag. PULL BACK to reveal Quark, packing to leave.
ISHKA (O.S.)
Quark -- dinner's on the table.
QUARK
Be right there.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT FIVE 60.
42 CONTINUED:
But to his surprise, Ishka ENTERS, carrying a box.
ISHKA
Leave some room.
QUARK
For what?
ISHKA
For these.
She hands him the box. He opens it and his eyes light
up.
QUARK
My Marauder Mo action figures. I
thought you'd thrown these out...
ISHKA
All these years, I've been keeping
them in storage for you. I
figured you'd want to take them
back to Deep Space Nine with you.
QUARK
I sure do. Do you have any idea
how much these are worth?
ISHKA
Not as much as if you'd kept them
in the original packaging... which
is what I told you at the time.
QUARK
(nods)
Even then, you were handing out
sound financial advice.
(a beat)
Thanks, Moogie.
ISHKA
No, thank you, Quark.
And with that, she gives him a kiss and EXITS. As
Quark returns to his packing, we hear the familiar
SOUND of a TRANSPORTER BEAM emanating from the closet.
Quark seems to know what this is all about -- he opens
the closet to REVEAL:
BRUNT
Brunt, F.C.A.
QUARK
(smiling)
But for how much longer?
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT FIVE 61.
42 CONTINUED: (2)
Brunt steps out of the closet.
BRUNT
Don't worry about me, Quark. I'm
a survivor.
(looking at the door)
So, the happy couple is back
together...
(a beat)
If the people only knew...
QUARK
But they don't, and you're not
going to tell them.
BRUNT
Really? Why shouldn't I?
QUARK
Because the Nagus is ready for
you. If you go up against him...
you'll lose and you know it.
BRUNT
I hate losing.
QUARK
What Ferengi doesn't?
BRUNT
I may not be able to destroy the
Nagus... but you're a different
story.
QUARK
You're going to revoke my license
again? I don't think the Nagus
would like that.
BRUNT
On the contrary. I want you back
in business. It gives me an
opportunity to keep my eye on you.
Because one day, you're going to
make a mistake. And on that day,
you're going to lose more than
your license.
QUARK
But that day isn't today. Now get
back in the closet, where you
belong.
Quark takes Brunt by the arm and shoves him back into
the closet, closing the door behind him.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Ferengi Love... " - REV. 02/18/97 - ACT FIVE 62.
42 CONTINUED: (3)
BRUNT (O.S.)
This isn't over, Quark.
QUARK
(a threat)
Don't make me come in there after
you.
And with the sound of a TRANSPORTER BEAMING out, Quark
smiles victoriously.
ISHKA (O.S.)
Quark -- your tube grubs are
getting warm.
QUARK
Coming, Moogie...
As Quark starts to look at his Marauder Mo toys, a
smile of remembrance dances across his face. And as he
begins to play with them...
ISHKA (O.S.)
(calling out)
Quark.
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT FIVE
THE END