Category Archives: Cary Grant

Dear Quote Investigator: I read an article last year about celebrity lookalikes that discussed the different stages of a Hollywood career. I remember a few of the stages:

Get me John/Jane Smith.
Get me someone who looks like John/Jane Smith.
Who is John/Jane Smith.

How old is this joke? Do you know the name of the first actor or actress who was mentioned in this humorous sequence?

Dear Quote Investigator:The earliest evidence known to QI was printed in the syndicated Hollywood gossip column of Mike Connolly in September 1960. This clever template describing the trajectory of recognition for a celebrity was sent to the columnist by the actor Hugh O’Brian and his name was featured repeatedly: 1

Hugh O’Brian gave me the following points—as The Five Most Important Stages in the Life of an Actor:

O’Brian had a long and successful career in the movies and on stage though he never achieved the iconic status of superstars like Humphrey Bogart and John Wayne. His most famous role was the lawman title-character in a top-rated television series set in the frontier West called “The Life and Legend of Wyatt Earp” which was first broadcast in the 1950s and 1960s. O’Brian was conscious that fame was sometimes short-lived, and he helped to popularize the adage outlining the five stages. It is also possible that he coined it. Special thanks to correspondent Andrew Steinberg who located this key citation.

In December 1960 another version of the template was printed by a columnist named Kay Loring in the Chicago Tribune. This instance was sent to Loring by a humorist named Quin Ryan: 2

The five stages in the life of a Hollywood star:

Who is Danny Doakes?
Get me Danny Doakes!
Get me a Danny Doakes’ type!
Get me a young Danny Doakes!
Who is Danny Doakes?

The “Danny Doakes” mentioned here was not an obscure actor; instead, Danny Doakes was a variant of Joe Doakes which was a term used to designate an everyman. Joe Doakes, Joe Bloggs, Joe Blow, and the term John/Jane Smith are similar expressions that function as generic referents.

Dear Quote Investigator: I love the movies from the golden age of Hollywood. I think the stars were more glamorous in the past, and the stories about the stars were wittier. The quotation I would like you to investigate was written by Cary Grant for a telegram that he sent.

Telegram delivery was halted in the 1980s, so some of your blog readers may not know much about them. They were text messages that were sent long-distance via radio or wire and then delivered using messengers. They were expensive in the 1930s and 1940s, and to save money telegram messages were often very short. Words such as “is” and “are” were often deleted from messages to obtain greater brevity.

A classic anecdote begins with a journalist who is working on a story about Cary Grant with a tight deadline. He needs to gather some background information, so he sends a telegram to the publicist of Cary Grant asking about the age of the star:

HOW OLD CARY GRANT?

But Cary Grant intercepts the message and decides to send his own reply:

OLD CARY GRANT FINE. HOW YOU?

I love this story, but I know that Hollywood studios during the golden age sometimes concocted fun stories about stars and planted them in newspapers. Could you investigate whether this quotation is genuine?

Quote Investigator: Thanks for this entertaining tale. Yes, QI will look into this telegram legend for you. Cary Grant directly denied the story in a newspaper interview in 1978. This humorous yarn has been told with at least three different people in the leading role. Cary Grant was the third. While the version featuring Grant is probably apocryphal there is evidence supporting a version featuring the motorboat racer Gar Wood and the writer Tom Ferris.

A 1957 report says that a journalist who was covering a speedboat race was badgered by a managing editor to obtain the age of a participant named Gar Wood. The exasperated journalist finally sent a telegram of this type to the editor. An account in 1959 says that a cable like this was sent regarding the age of General Mark Clark. Also in 1959 the comedienne Celeste Holm joked that a movie studio sent a reply wire of this sort about Cary Grant’s age.