Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Truth about the last month

I have not blogged since we have been home for many reasons. It is hard to be on the computer with a small child in the house. The other reason is because the last month has been at times unbearably hard. Some people can handle the truth and to those people(you know who you are) I am eternally grateful. Lots of people cannot accept the truth and all I can do is to tell it.

We love LALA more than anything else in this world. She is an incredible child. She is funny and sweet. Charming and the sound of her singing is enough to bring me to tears. I thank our Heavenly Father every single day that we are able to be her parents. But there have been many many bumps in the last month.

LALA has rages. No these are not tantrums these are rages. She hits and screams and hates to be held or loved on. She has some mild attachment issues that N and I are trying to help her overcome. There is no way to explain these to people who have never seen them. They are very stressful and emotionally draining. There have been days this week where she screamed for most of the day. Poor mom and P had to hear some of it. She can be very charming also. We love her but it is very very hard. She is not a normal child. She was abandoned and spent almost 22 months of her life in an institution.

She is having serious food issues. She has not idea when she is full and would eat until she was sick if we let her. But when we stop feeding her she screams and screams.

These are just some of the things that people do not seem to want to talk about. It does not mean we love her any less. To be honest it makes me love her more. But the people who wish to be in her life need to educate themselves on children with attachment issues and be prepared for the things that needed to be done even if you do not agree with the reasons behind them. N and I love her and it is our job to take care of her and we will do that.

We have seen some improvement since being home and we have faith that she will continue to improve.

1 Comments:

As a member of the adoption community, I totally understand and sympathize. Bonding issues are nothing to take lightly. Sounds like you are doing all the right things and have a terrific attitude.

If I may suggest? Our SW at our agency, CHI, suggested some bonding-related books to a friend who is having similar problems. If you do not already have all the literature you need, please feel free to contact me and I will find out the titles. (My husband, Fred, is a bartender on the Java Ranch-- write him and he will give you my info.)

Alternatively, there are many good yahoo groups that are terrific resources for such information and for support from similarly situated parents. I can share those, as well, if you are not already aware of them.

Please don't feel bad; you are absolutely not alone in this. Many, many adoptive families go through exactly the same situation. As I said, it sounds like you've got the right attitude and are doing all the right things.