03/14/2011

Say What You Are Not What You're Not

“In the United States of America, we don’t practice guilt by association,” said Denis McDonough, deputy national security advisor to President Obama, “we will not stigmatize or demonize entire communities because of the actions of a few.”

This was part of the statement made by the White House in response to the New York Representative Peter King’s announcement that he would hold Congressional hearings on the radicalization of American Muslims. The problem with McDonough’s comment, though well intentioned, is that it actually communicates the exact opposite of what McDonough is trying to say. The reason is not political, it is a simple inconvenient detail about how our brains absorb information.

What words do you remember from that opening statement? What ideas stuck with you? For better or for worse, our brains can’t deal in negatives. We can’t tell someone not to think something. “Don’t think of the color yellow,” for example. We can’t do it. Our minds immediately go to the words and not the intention of the words.

When McDonough tells us America doesn’t “practice guilt by association” or that we will not “stigmatize or demonize,” those are the words we walk away with. Those are the things that we associate to America for no other reason than because his statement told us to.

Leadership never defines itself, its cause or its vision by what it is not. Great leadership always tells us what it is, where we’re going or who we are. Kennedy didn’t tell us we’re not going to stay on the earth, he told us we’re going to the moon. The founding fathers didn’t define America as a country that would not subjugate, coerce or cause unhappiness. They said the country was founded to guarantee certain unalienable rights among those being life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Though the negative statement is technically accurate, it does not inspire. Negative looks backwards and positive looks forward. Vision, if it is to inspire, always looks forward.

Companies make the same mistake. It is amazing how many businesses define themselves by what they are not instead of who they are. Too many jump at the opportunity to tell you what they don’t do instead of what they do do. Meet a small creative agency, for example, and ask them what makes them better and they will tell you that they are not subject to the whims of a large holding company. Ask one retailer what makes them superior and they will tell you that they don’t treat their customers like numbers. Words like “don’t,” “aren’t,” “won’t,” “isn't” or “doesn't” do not belong in any statement that is supposed to tell people who you are or what makes you special or different.

If you want people to go where you’re going, if you want to inspire people, tell them what you believe, not what you don’t believe. Tell them what you do not what you don’t do. Tell them who you are not who you’re not.

As for Mr. McDonough, if he has to make any more public statements about what America believes, may I suggest this:

“America believes, first and foremost, that all men are created equal. Whether our differences are based on gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, we see all Americans as equal players in the pursuit and preservation of the American Dream. In fact, we, more than any other nation on the planet, defend the rights of those who may look or sound different or practice a faith unfamiliar to the majority.

The hearings proposed by Representative Peter King run completely counter to our founding values. We ask of all Muslim Americans who are as offended by the idea of these hearings as we are to come together, stand firm and know that the vast majority of our nation sees you for what you are - just like us. We are all American.”

Look forward, tell us what you believe and where you want to go and you’ll be amazed how well your positive words will inspire those around you.

This also applies to ourselves and I can't remember where I read this but there is a study that gives evidence to the fact. The biggest example of this is when someone askes how you are and you reply with something like "not too bad". Our brains only think the "too bad" and we end up feeling worse.

"Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.
"Blessed are they who mourn for they shall be comforted.
"Blessed are the peacemakers for theirs is the Kingdom of God.
Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth."
"I am the light of the world."
"I am the good shepherd."
"I am the door."

There is a new movie out which isn't showing in my town yet but I saw the trailer. It's called "That's What I Am", starring Ed Harris as a teacher in 1965. In the previews he gets his 8th grade students to stand up and say, "I am a writer; that's what I am," and "I am a musician; that's what I am," and "I am a writer; that's what I am." Ed Harris says, "I am a teacher; that's what I am."

Ah, how true. It is hard to get this point across because many people feel the need to provide a contrast effect. This is especially true in writing where it has become common to find the "not only did we do x but we also did y" sentence structure. While grammatically correct it diminishes the impact of Y and the chances that Y will be remembered.

Brilliant concept, beautifully explained. I became familiar with it in bringing up my son: you NEVER say "don't cross the road on your own because you won't look where you're going", you rephrase it by saying "when you cross the road, take really good care and watch the traffic carefully". It's all about turning negatives into positives so we respond better, isn't it?

For many years I have believed your brain doesn't hear the 'not'. My example: Many years ago I was given a due date of December 29 for the birth of my child. From the time I was given the date - knowing my first child was born early - I told myself, not Christmas Day, not Christmas Day. As you can imagine, my child was born early in the morning of December 25. I had programmed my body to deliver on that day by repeatedly communicating from the negative of 'not'.....

Very interesting post. I just had to comment and say, that your "rewritten" speech at the bottom certainly achieves your goals. It's more positive, more powerful, and much more inspiring. I found myself thinking, "Man I wish Denis McDonough had actually said that instead."

i recently revisited Bill Strickland's TED:; http://www.ted.com/talks/bill_strickland_makes_change_with_a_slide_show.html
well worth the 35 min as he, like you, reminds us to look like the solution not the problem.

This device is also used proactively. Example, "We are not going to talk about whether the administration is handling the Libyan crisis correctly, we are going to talk about the effects on energy," or "some say that Obama is a Muslim, but we don't think so."
It is really hard to unring a bell.
Thanks