Not all Gay Men Want Casual Sex

Juan Pablo Galavis, better known as the desirable single dad on ABC’s The Bachelor, recently made headlines when he blasted the idea of a gay man ever starring on the popular show.

Galavis stated, “I respect [gay people], but honestly I don’t think it’s a good example for kids to watch that on TV. And there’s this thing about gay people, that it seems to me, and I don’t know if I’m mistaken or not, you know I have a lot of friends and that, they’re more pervert in a sense. To me the show would be too strong, too hard to watch on TV.”

After receiving negative feedback for his offensive comments, Galavis went on to clarify saying, “What I meant to say was that gay people are more affectionate and intense and for a segment of the TV audience this would be too racy to accept. The show is very racy as it is and I don’t let my daughter watch it. Once again, I’m sorry for how my words were taken. I would never disrespect anyone.”

While it is nice that Galavis apologized and owned up to his hurtful remarks, his apology still reflects a lack of education on his part. Like many people, the Bachelor seems to think that gay people are different from straight people when it comes to love and sex, and that all gay men are looking for is anonymous hookups and promiscuous sex. It’s understandable that Galavis might think that, especially if he has limited experience and contact with the community, because that is how gay men are often portrayed on television. However, the reality is that same-sex couples crave love, affection, commitment and intimacy just as heterosexual couples do.

In fact, a recent study from Indiana University has found that nearly 93 percent of men who have sex with other men reported being in love with their most recent sexual partner. 91 percent of them reported being loved by their partner in return. In other words, gay couples aren’t having “pervert” or promiscuous sex, they are having loving, passionate, and mutually fulfilling relationships with their partners. Certainly some gay people are looking for casual sex (just as some heterosexual people are), but for the most part, they are looking for happily ever after just like the rest of us.

It’s time we understand that gay people aren’t strange or unusual creatures with voracious sexual appetites and uncontrollable sexual urges. And, personally, I think it’s time for a gay Bachelor—if we can watch a straight man kiss 27 different partners on his quest for true love, why can’t we watch a gay man do the same?

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Laura Berman, PhD

Laura Berman, PhD, is a leading sex and relationship educator and therapist, popular TV and radio host, New York Times best-selling author, and assistant clinical professor of ob-gyn and psychiatry at the...read more