First - allow me to let you in on how my brain works. When I dream about something, I, for whatever reason, take it to be the Gospel. I've had God speak to me through my dreams so many times, that there are moments when I dream something and wonder if God's warning me about something new. Sadly, my husband gets the blowout of this sometimes :) but he knows that this is how I work, and one day he'll figure out that he just needs to reassure me!

This dream that I had, however, was just annoying. At the women's conference I attended about a week ago there was a conversation... a very short one that I believe led me to this dream. The lady heading it up -along with my pastor's wife- are very aware that we're planning to adopt and the little snots insist, though, that I'm going to get pregnant right before or right after we adopt!! So yes, in my dream I was pregnant, and quite surprised by this news. I don't WANT to be pregnant! I want to adopt! Now, I'm sure I'll get all sorts of backlash from ladies that are suffering with infertility. You're probably going to hate me for this, but people with fertility problems are not the only ones that are qualified to adopt - I don't want to be pregnant.

The first 4 months was horrible, and I felt like I was going to die. Then after I had my son, there were so many complications which led me to having to be on medication for years. Not to mention that the next baby I have could have the same birth defect that my son had! No... I really don't want to be pregnant again. You may look at that as oh how selfish!! You're able to get pregnant! Why would you be so self centered!? If you're one of those ladies, you might want to stop reading NOW.

It urks me to hear women (with fertility issues) put down women that are capable of carrying a child. There's 2 women in particular that I can think of, and I actually get frustrated with them. In both situations it seems as though they have to make (whether intentionally or not) everyone around them walk on eggshells so not to upset them. First of all, that's just ridiculous.. their lives are not more important or have any more harsdships than anyone else's - and second, just like with my story of being very sick during pregnancy and then having to deal with a birth defect and going insane, they just don't know everyone's story. I'm a little bit tired of hearing sob stories of how they feel like God forgot about them. I know that sounds completely insensitive. I just think that instead of blaming God, or having a poor pitiful me attitude, they should embrace the wonderful blessing of adoption! The Bible clearly states that we're to take care of the orphans, so being able to fulfill God's plan and knowing that He's trusting you with such a life.. a life you choose, is a tremendous blessing! I don't feel that I'm any less of a woman or mother just because I choose to adopt instead of carrying a biological child. My reasons are really not what I mentioned above either. Yes those are problems I had during and after pregnancy, but those are not the reasons I want to adopt... those are the reasons I don't want to be pregnant, if that makes sense... I want to adopt because God put it in my heart more than 10 yrs ago, and I feel that He's put it in my husband's heart just recently for a reason. God wants us to adopt. He has the child already picked out for us, and I guess that's why I'm not worried about when we'll get that call. God's ways are much different than mine, and I'm just along for the ride right now.

So to clear the air -Although pregnancy is a wonderful gift, I don't want to be pregnant!! :)and I hope you're okay with that.

1 comments:

Your comment was right on! I really don't know what God wants of me right now...I edited my previous blog because I'm confused and torn. I have always supported and loved our agency, it is our social worker who I don't love. We will see how this goes...who knows what will happen in a couple of weeks. :( thank you for your comments