Can I count on your vote?

POINT OF VIEW:

August 05, 2002|By Jay Dickerson

While I have no knowledge of parliamentary procedure, I do have quite a bit of knowledge about America's youth, and if I'm chosen to join the GCS board, I'll install the one thing every student wants: 18-hour-a-day year-round school with a tougher curriculum and corporal punishment.

Controversial? You bet. But I'm just getting started.

All references to the Atlantic Ocean, Canada or former Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu would be removed from all history texts. The Pledge of Allegiance would be replaced by a pledge to me directly. The American flag would be replaced by a flag with a picture of me on it, and I'm holding a copy of a newspaper with the headline "Dewey defeats Truman."

I would cut funding for all sports, and remove all the books from the library. The tables and chairs would remain in the library, however, and an arts and crafts-based curriculum would be instituted.

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As part of this new, revolutionary curriculum, the students would use their talents sewing, painting and manufacturing goods. This would be difficult work, and - since I would abolish air conditioning - they would likely sweat. But when the children are finished producing goods from their "sweat shops," the district would sell the goods at a high markup, thus relieving any budget difficulties.

Such an agenda has worked well for Kathy Lee-Gifford.

So how do I sound as a candidate? Can I count on your support?

Well, you can give it to someone else, since I'm clearly joking. I have no desire to fill the empty spot on the GCS board, nor am I trying to belittle the work of the dedicated individuals who serve on the board.

Tuesday voters will head to the polls for a primary election which will decide Democratic and Republican candidates for governor, as well as several local races in local districts. How well do you know your candidates? Are they going to raise taxes? Are they going to cut funding for programs you care about or use regularly? Or are they going to date an intern, kill her and cover it up?

In short, do the people you vote for best reflect your beliefs?

The Herald Times has been running candidate profiles for the past few issues. It's the best way to learn what your candidate believes. And that's really the truest lesson of democracy: voters have to be informed for whom they're voting, or the alternative is anarchy.

Informed voters can make smarter choices about who represents them most accurately; uninformed voters might get someone like me elected into office.

And about the GCS schools: there is an open spot, and the recommendation as to who should fill the seat will likely be made at Monday night's committee meeting. While the board will probably not be presented with a "sweat shop" candidate, the board's debate will be open to the public, and the new board member should represent a constituency which isn't yet represented by current board members.

Specifically, the constituency of people who want all references to Canada removed from history texts. Stupid coin-based economy.

- Jay Dickerson is currently not allowed in Canada for his disparaging comments about our neighbors to the north. He's also the feature publications editor at the Gaylord Herald Times, and can be reached at