Well I suppose it is *quite* controversial but imho Chiltern Firehouse is actually not remotely over, I mean I said to Mummy maybe it is because I went to art college but tbh I do not care if the Linekers go there it is brilliant how the old class divisions are breaking down & I wish Dave would join the debate but he is like, babes, do not even talk to me about that ghastly place I'm like, look babes, you have to forget last time it is just that nobody recognised you, plus they will defo let us in the vip bar if Chloe Green is in? He's like, babes, the day they let the Blairs in will always be peak Firehouse for me, end of, I'm like, well excuse ME Bradley Cooper *swoons* I mean it is not just me ask Stephen Fry the crab stuffed doughnuts are beyond divine, you would LOVE, Dave's like, soz babes, places to go, elections to win, I'm like whatevs, I will take Mummy, at least she will appreciate the amaze ceiling treatment?

Well Mummy agrees the Firehouse could totally be the *new* Ivy, so I call Dave to come over, he's like, what is it babes I am in New York, I'm like God awesome, you must contact Alexa appaz she is having this full-on moisturising crisis? He's like not New York, babes, New Orc, I'm like God hilair name, what time is it there, he's like it is a town quite near Scotland & actually quite well known, I'm like OMG it is just like when we found Stock Port was a thing, btw if they have actual shops could you pick up some mozzarella, I am busy here with Mummy, he's like, you ARE joking with Ukip around, I'm like, well I suppose provolone would be OK but he's like, oh wait, Boris has found a real person, laters babes, leave him to ME Boris yes that is an order, ay 'oop me old cock on Ilkla moor baht 'at innit though.

So because of New Awk (?) I have not seen Dave for weeks :((( I mean he says we must not be complacent, I'm like, seriously babes, ask anyone who has ever been to Chiltern Firehouse – why on earth NOT?