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An alleged sex-pest pastor for the House of Manna Global Ministries Church in Zimbabwe has grown himself a full set of knockers.

it'sora Kaitano (40) was examined today by court officials who confirmed the alleged sex attacker has a buxom pair of breasts. Kaitano’s 24-year-old next door neighbour and reported victim, Tendai Tumba, claims that the church pastor invited him back to his house to pray together. However when the young man visited the minister, Kaitona anointed him with an oil which somehow paralysed him. Tumba claims as he lay helpless Kaitona fellated him and even swallowed his nut-custard. According to Tumba the holy man then grew a large set of women’s boobs, flipped him over and bummed him into next week.

A 13-year-old schoolboy has been arrested for raping practically anything that moves, including calfs, goats, chickens and even his younger sister.

The unnamed child and his parents were arrested by cops in the Suna West constituency of Kenya earlier this week. The police swooped on the boy’s home after classmates found him balls-deep in a juvenile cow, and his parents failed to act. Police decided prompt action must be taken when it emerged the young lad was a habitual animal abuser who occasionally raped his six-year-old sister. The youngster’s appetite for animal sex has even resulted in a number of fatalities.

A Chinese exorcist has been arrested after a woman who hired his services complained that he’d used his penis to remove the ghosts from her vagina.

A Xin says she paid £2,000 for self-proclaimed ghostbuster Huang Jianjun to assist her in a personal matter. Huang had agreed to help A Xin gain the amorous attention of her boss, who she fancied. He took A Xin to a hotel in Guangdong Province and told her to strip and lie on the bed for an examination, and she complied. Following the examination Huang informed A Xin that the reason she wasn’t getting anywhere with her boss was because of the spirits in her vagina, but he could solve the problem by removing the spooks with his ghost-catching tallywhacker. Yes, that old line.

A Xin consented to the exorcism and Huang inserted his paranormal reproductive equipment into her vagina repeatedly in a fashion commonly known as sexual intercourse. Huang explained that this was the first time he had ever carried out such a procedure.
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A crazy prostitute user kidnapped a former vice girl and spent a week raping her in a soundproof room hoping this would make her fall in love with him.

34-year-old oddball Michael Allen Pilgrim had regularly paid for the unnamed woman’s services when she had been a sex worker, but felt totally razzed-off and annoyed when she quit her chosen career path in 2011 and stopped selling her body. Pilgrim, a former aeronautical engineer from Melbourne, had never had a proper sexual relationship with any women other than hookers and believed that he had a real connection with his victim. When she quit the tarting profession Pilgrim took it as a personal rejection and decided to win his harlot’s heart by stalking, abducting and raping her.

Pilgrim began his romantic mission by fitting GPS bugging devices to the woman’s car and tracking her movements on his computer. He then set up fake identities, created disguises, procured several weapons and rented a secluded property in a rural part of Australia, which he soundproofed. Then in July last year he snatched the object of his affections off the street, handcuffed her, and bundled her into his car. He then drove her to his raping-room where she was chained from her ankle to an eye-bolt in the floor. Pilgrim then spent the week repeatedly raping his victim, somehow believing that she would eventually succumb to Stockholm syndrome and fall deeply in love with him.
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A beer user awoke from his drunken stupor to find his penis gland had disappeared.

64-year-old Geraldo Ramos, who lives in the Dominican Republic, told local press that he shuffled off to bed after a heavy night’s drinking and when he woke up the next morning he was an emasculated smoothie. When interviewed, Geraldo’s neighbours say that he was attacked by a dog, whilst pissed-up and drunk on booze, and the dog gnawed off his tallywhacker. But Geraldo says no such thing occurred, he says he would’ve remembered if a dog had bitten his reproductive organ off.

Curators at the Manchester Museum have been left flabbergasted after CCTV footage has shown an ancient Egyptian statue has began moving around all on its own.

The seemingly haunted statue rotates on its base in an anti-clockwise direction, as if looking around the museum’s egyptology department with it’s own spectral eyes. Egg-headed boffin and artefact expert Campbell Price was the first to notice the 250mm black object had been moving around, but he initially assumed that another member of museum staff had been buggering about in the display case and simply nudged the effigy. It soon became apparent that the statue was moving regularly, either by someone’s hand or perhaps supernatural influence.

Price set up a CCTV camera to monitor the statue’s display cabinet and the unbelievable footage shows that the statue mysteriously moves all by itself.
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Kelly Brook has been showing off her nice jugs by going topless whilst on holiday in Mexico. The 33-year-old hottie even used a pair of knickers to tie her hair back so as to show her knockers off to best effect.

Sexy Kelly must have been well aware that the paparazzi were ready to pounce as soon as her bikini top was whipped off, and she didn't seem to care less as she sunned her bouncy melons. Check the buggers out:
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