Question

Should I feed my babysitter/nanny and her daughter?

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Our babysitter watches our 1-year-old at our house 30 hours a week, and brings her daughter along (she's also 1). The sitter eats our food and feeds it to her baby. My husband thinks she should bring their own food, and we shouldn't be responsible for feeding them. I'm not sure -- and I dread bringing this up with her. Any ideas?

Mom Answers

That's something that should've been discussed at the beginning of your arrangement. Your babysitter is providing a service for you. Yes, she is getting paid but if you were to enroll your child in a daycare, your cost would be increased by a lot. If she and her child are not abusing or wasting just out of spite, you should let them eat at your home. If your child was at their home, would you send a lunch box for your child or would you expect her to be fed there? Have your husband answer that one and that should answer your question. Think about it. I hope you find the solution that best suits your needs to keep an amicable relationship with all involved.

Get over it!If your main concern is food intake it sounds like you have a good babysitter and your baby has another baby to enteract with. She is there what? 6 hrs a day? And I'm sure shes not feasting for 6 hrs or cooking your dinner plan up and feeding just her and her child. What is wrong w/ you and your husband trying to deny a baby food. Would you want someone to deny your child food? That's what should happen if you want her to bring her own food she's probably not getting paid the best rate out there anyway. If your so concerned about food maybe you or your husband should be a stay at home parent or would he gripe about you eating the food too? Grow up i'm sure she'll be worth the extra cash if food's all you have to worry about.

I absolutely feel you should offer 'what's mine is yours' in the kitchen. Whether she's there occassionally, or full time, she is watching your child & should make herself comfortable eating your food. I would not dock her pay & would not bring the subject up. I have told our sitter/nanny from the beginning that she should make herself at home in our house, including eating whatever she likes. It's of most importance to me, that my son is with someone who is 100% comfortable in our home. It seems most logical that she makes lunch & snacks for everyone at one time, and that she eat your food. If this is truly an issue, I suspect it might be a separate issue with her performance, and really not about the food? If so, I would look for a new sitter :) In the meantime, I would never make a connection with her salary & the food. I believe food should be provided to whoever watches your child in your home. Best wishes & good luck :)

We faced this situation, sort of, with nannies we have had, and for us it depended on how we felt about the nanny. Our first nanny came with the agreement that we would give her lunch. But she ate a LOT and when her daughter was home from school she came and ate our food too - which was not acceptable. So that didn't feel quite right, and the nanny didn't really work out either.
Our current nanny, whom we love, used to work for us full time and we arranged at the beginning to give her an extra weekly stipend to buy lunch (which she often used to buy presents for our child instead). Now that she is only working for us part-time, we stopped giving her the grocery stipend and it is sort of informal. Sometimes she eats whatever is in our fridge, sometimes she goes out for lunch at a local place and pays for our child, sometimes she makes meals with ingredients she brings from home, and sometimes she makes meals from what is in our fridge (and sometimes she makes special meals for me and my husband too). So it pretty much evens out in the end...
I agree that it is best to work out an arrangement ahead of time. But the most important thing, in my case, was that I had someone working for me who felt comfortable in my home, who I felt comfortable with, and who had the freedom to give my child full attention. If that means eating from our refrigerator, that is fine with us.

I think it is in your child's best interest for everyone to be eating the same things. I understand it costs money, but personally I would be happy I was choosing the foods for my child instead of someone else. Children want to eat what others are eating. It would only cause problems if they had seperate food. I would just count the food as part of your childcare costs.

If she were watching your child at her house, you wouldn't be expected to bring food for her and her child in addition to food for your child. I think it is reasonable to think that the two children would share snacks occasionally, but she needs to either provide her own food, or accept a slight reduction in pay. She is getting a pretty good deal - she gets to bring her child to work with her. If it were just her eating lunch at your house and it was prearranged that would be one thing. But she shouldn't be feeding herself and her child on your food bill. This has god to be awkward for all involved though. Maybe you could tell her that the cost of feeding everybody is getting too high and you are going to need to decrease her pay to compensate - or she can bring her own lunch. Good luck. I know this must be hard because you want to make sure she is giving your child the best possible care.

I agree with the woman who told you that food would be included in the price if she were watching your daughter at her home. At least with your choices of food, you know that your baby is only getting the best! If you still buy gerber baby food, maybe you should think about buying fresh fruits and veggies (I use canned green beans and corn sometimes too) so that it's cheaper and they get a bigger portion. Good luck!

Nobody has to take my opinion but....What would you do or pay to make sure your child was safe, healthy, and happy? Most sitters are underpaid "at best", my husband disagrees with me, but he is not my boss. I am the one who knows the value of childcare, not him. What is a couple of meals? Food for thought...Most people search longer and harder for their car, than they do for excellent childcare!!!!

I was a nanny, before I had a child of my own, for several years, and I also have worked for a national daycare chain. It would be rude to suddenly change the situation. Your nanny/caregiver is a part of your family. She comes into your home everyday to care for your world, when you cannot. If you feel very strongly about the cost of the food, then maybe this is not a good fit for you; as finding someone that you love and trust your child with is worth a few meals a week. At daycare centers, they provide the food and it is included in the cost of care whether you send your child with their own food or not. I highly doubt that your cargiver is trying to take advantage of you by eating your food. Your family and her's should be working as a team to provide the best for both sides. You don't want your caregiver to feel as though she is being cheated or treated unfairly, just as you do not want to feel that way. Talk openly and honestly... and if you feel you cannot, you need to find a caregiver that you can talk openly with.

There are some great comments above. I wonder if you're having other issues with your sitter, or if you're just not a confronter? You seem uneasy being able to discuss something simple and to me it seems not just like a touchy subject, but not a strong relationship between you and the sitter. You're both adults... you should be able to have a reasonable conversation.
I know that if I ever took time out of my life and days to be a caregiver to another child, and had to bring my child, this would tremendously encroach upon my personal time to provide for myself and my child. So, if I'm making a meal or two for another child or other people, that would be the most time efficient way for me to be able to eat and to get everything else in life done, too- eat when I'm cooking. I couldn't imagine cooking or preparing food one or two more times a day in addition to what I already do to provide for my family. Boxed foods are not good tasting or for you, really.
If it's costing you a bunch; if she's gording herself and not respecting your family- like eating all of the grapes you just bought at $1.67/ lb yesterday when you could have seen them lasting a few days- that deserves attention. She should respect your home and family needs. What others suggested about making a slight pay adjustment would be good if necessary. In addition, I would say setting some boundaries would be healthy and acceptable. Like, "Tonya, I really don't mind you making a sandwich for yourself and Sam, but as far as the cookies and fruit and such, I will need you to bring your own. It's getting too expensive. If I could have foreseen this before you began working here, then I would have addressed it then, but food costs are becoming a burden to our family and I need you to help us with that in some sort of compramise." Monitor the food costs for a week to see what you are actually incurring and if it truly merrits a confrontation. If so, come to the table with a couple of options presented reasonably and respectfully. Respectful conversations are a must, and giving her a choice in the matter may lessen her feeling threatened. If you can't have open communication with this woman, then I would additionally suggest looking for another means of care for your child. I can't imagine not being able to talk openly with someone whom I am entrusting my dearest treasure to: my child! The whole arrangement- you going to work, and her coming to work for you- is so that both of you can provide for your families the way that you think is necessary and best. If this arrangement is truly hindering that for your side, then reconsider it.

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