November 19th, 2010 - Open Knowledge — LiveJournal

Nov. 19th, 2010

Social “vibing” is when we interact with each other, not just for functional reasons, but to enjoy each other’s company and mutual acceptance. We do it as a low-key way of recharging our batteries. Vibing can include anything from joking around, to telling stories, to discussing interesting topics, to rough and tumbling around, to breaking rapport with each other in a playful way that demonstrates personality and reinforces the bond.

When friends say “Let’s go out for a drink,” they aren’t convening to discuss and resolve a particular issue. That would be closer to the structured office meeting that they had to endure earlier in the day. Rather, they hang out for the enjoyment of it, both from the validation they get from being around people who are worth their time, and from the positive emotions that they get from the interaction itself.

Let’s think about the essence of being a nerd. What activities do we think of when we think of nerds? Video games, fantasy role playing games, internet chat rooms, and science projects. Why is it that these activities are stereotyped as being nerdy?

People who lack social confidence will oftentimes try to formalize their interactions in some way or other. What nerd-activities have in common is that they can act as social crutches that allow vibing to occur in a structured way, because the activity is doing the work for them.

So let’s come back to creep. It’s like, the creep should know that he doesn’t deserve to presume interest. He doesn’t deserve to initiate the approach. Like my adolescent sense of misfit, he should know that he didn’t deserve any better than to take any comer.

Creep is a judgement in the eye of the beholder. Because the man isn’t going to think he doesn’t deserve to make the approach, of course. And I think this is why men are so insulted when they think they are making an appropriate approach to a woman, and get called a creep. It’s like, they may be perfectly willing to get called an asshole. But they resent “creep” because that means the woman calling him a creep is saying that no woman at all would ever be interested. And that he ought to have known that. He ought to have known he didn’t deserve to cross out of misfit-dom, to end up in creep-dom.