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Monday, April 14, 2014

Autism Siblings-You Are Awesome!!

Happy Birthday, Eric--THANK YOU!!

Today is my
oldest son’s 19th birthday…so in honor of him and his other awesome
autism siblings, I thought I’d write about the important role brothers and
sisters play in day-to-day autism life.Take this weekend, for example.It was a tough one—lots of errands to take care of punctuated by multiple Code
Browns, one of which occurred in my car with a pantsless Ryan.Why did he have no pants on? Well, we were unsuccessfully
testing a theory that if he didn’t have pants on, he’d use the toilet when he
had to poo.

Meghan and
Eric stepped in and helped get Ryan cleaned up while I washed down my seat
covers.They watched the same few
seconds of the same Peppa Pig episode with Ryan over and over and over again
while I tried in vain to remove the “Eau de Poo” that always emanates from my
hands. I really need to keep gloves handy
for the pooping episodes, but I digress…

Some days I feel like I'm on "Poop Patrol"...

My kids are
awesome autism siblings.I don’t know
what I would have done without Eric keeping Ryan while we went grocery shopping
and errand running on Saturday.How I
would have slipped off to take a shower without Meghan occupying her brother…how
would Tom and I ever have a moment to ourselves without these kids?

And I am so
thankful for the way they respond to the “APBs” I put out on a regular basis
when Ryan has yet again slipped away from our sight.They drop everything and conduct an
FBI-quality missing persons search.Sometimes it’s less exciting stuff like walking Ryan’s service dog,
Java, so Tom and I can watch the evening news or pushing Ryan on the swing to stimulate
his vestibular system.

It’s just so
many intangible things…

It’s Meghan’s
patience when her brother takes her beloved iPad so he can listen to Peppa Pig
in stereo that amazes me.Or that she
managed not to have a total breakdown when Ryan walked off with her prized cell
phone and lost it (and as we have since discovered, completely broken it—likely
through dropping it in the toilet).

Ryan's favorite cartoon...almost as annoying as Spongebob.

It’s Eric’s
willingness, even eagerness, to hang out with Ryan.How he spends time just being a big brother
to him.How he has assured me he’ll
take care of Ryan if something should happen to me and Tom.What a great kid…

I worry
sometimes that it’s not fair to them.They’re just teenagers themselves and should be worrying about summer
jobs or crushes.They almost never
complain about helping out with their brother and they clearly adore him, but
research shows that siblings of autistic children do find their increased
responsibility stressful, have a higher risk of internalizing problems, are
more likely to be depressed and experience feelings of solitude.Although these are also attributes of autism parents,
we are the adults.

Eric with Ryan...brotherly love.

The research
also shows that healthy children often carry an emotional burden and feel
responsible for their sibling with special needs, along with pressure to care
for and worry about their family; they feel obliged to repress their
anger.They also feel pressured to
succeed so as not to place an additional burden on their parents.

That my other
children might carry an added load because of Ryan’s autism saddens me.To their credit, if they do feel this way,
they never let on to us.

Meghan with her "Best Buddy" and Hawaii's Governor Abercrombie

But I think
Ryan has taught them a valuable lesson, too.They see their brother dealing with adversity every day and love him all
the more for it.They are very
empathetic and patient kids who look out for the underdog.Meghan is the President of Best Buddies at
her school, an organization that fosters friendships between special needs kids
and their typical peers.She’s told me
how she’s “accidentally” spilled water on a boy who teased a disabled child,
and bumped purposely into a girl in the hallway who said children with autism
are “retards”.I hope one day she’ll
learn a less physical way of dealing with these bullies, but I am proud of her
anyway.

Here's to all those with a sibling with autism!

So, in honor
of Eric, Meghan and to Katharine (even though she lives far away), I give a big
“Thank you” to the brothers and sisters of our kids with autism.Here’s to you! You keep us sane and we couldn’t
do it without you!