Monday, January 26, 2009

The Dodgers have hired longtime major league coach Lee Elia as a special assistant to General Manager Ned Colletti, and the two go all the way back to the 1980s with the Cubs.

Elia, 71, is best known for being the Cubs manager who in 1983 unleashed a profanity-laced tirade aimed at fans at Wrigley Field after a loss to the Dodgers. Unfortunately, I will have to refrain from linking it here because I can't quite find a version with enough bleeps. Colletti, who began his major league career in 1982, happened to work in the Cubs media relations department at the time.

For those keeping count, that makes ten assistants for Colletti. Here are the other nine:

Kim Ng, Vice President, Asst. General Manager

Logan White, Assistant GM, Scouting

De Jon Watson, Assistant GM, Player Development

Mark Weidemaier, Special Assistant to the GM

Toney Howell, Special Assistant to the GM

Vance Lovelace, Special Assistant to the GM

Bill Mueller, Special Assistant to the GM

Rick Ragazzo, Special Assistant to the GM

Jose Vizcaino, Special Assistant, Baseball Operations

I don't know where they find the money for all these assistants, but as long as their salaries don't count toward team payroll—knock yourself out, Ned. Or, have someone do it for you.

Q7, your email is evoking visions of a videogame with each successive assistant being a "boss" before reaching the ultimate boss himself. Which I guess would make Ned Colletti Ganon from Zelda, or Zeus from God of War 2...

That's exactly what I had in mind Sax. Although I was envisioning Ned as Bowser (King Koopa) from the Mario Brothers series and the assistants would be his Koopalings. Larry Koopa, Wendy O. Koopa, Ludwig Von Koopa, Iggy Koopa...