Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Mission Statement: No More Missionary Position

Dear Brutally Honest Babes:I just turned 21 and I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for a year. I really love him, but we’re having a little trouble in the bedroom. He always wants to be on top. I wouldn’t mind it some of the time or even most of the time, but I’d like to try a different position we’re so young and I’m already getting bored with our sex life. How do I talk to him about this without hurting his feelings?

Dear the Young and the Restless,Introduce him to an attractive older and sexually experienced woman (a la “Mrs. Robinson”) and let her sleep with him a few times to teach him the ways of pleasure, and then take him back and reap the rewards of her labor. OR, just have a heart to heart with him before your next pee-pee to pee-pee. Bear in mind that you must be tactful in the presentation of your desires. Men, surprisingly enough, have feelings; and you certainly are more apt to get what you want if you don’t hurt his. Likely, he’s just having such a good time being a missionary that he assumes you’re having a good time too. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right? Try making a fun suggestion (but time it right, don’t bring it up during or immediately after sex or he’ll likely feel emasculated) that you alternate who gets to choose the position. Plop an illustrated Kama Sutra on the middle of the bed and do some light reading together. We also highly recommend the Clan of the Cave Bear series by Jean M. Auel. Those cave people really knew how to swing.