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When I first read about the Chinese man who mistook his pet Arctic fox–a rare, protected species–for a Pomeranian, I was like, Whaaaa?! But then I saw a picture of Mr. Zhang, the confused pet owner, and I had SO MANY MORE QUESTIONS.

Is the color super-saturated in this photo, or did that fox, who would frequently bite his owner, make steak tartare out of Zhang’s face? Or are those horrible burns? Wicked bad rosacea? Why is Zhang wearing lipstick? Is this what happens to people after something terrible happens to them, like getting their face chewed off by a dog-fox or surviving a fire, that they become incapable of distinguishing between animal species and knowing what’s what in the universe?

In case you live under a rock–we had an earthquake in Southern California this morning that registered 5.4 on the Richter scale. It sent Diana scrambling under her desk at work and me running out to the front yard with my two dogs. It was there that I took stock of what I was wearing–a baggy t-shirt, boxers, and Birkenstocks–and reminded myself that I need to start making more of an effort working from home because one of these days The Big One will happen and I’ll literally be caught with my pants down. While most people I know were freaked by the whole thing, Bai Ling (via her blog) had a slightly different take:

…the earth heard me and is helping me to show the Russian lady and the Russian man that I can make the floor dance, so wired when I stepped on the floor and waved with the earth like a tangle almost waved to the window, maybe it is my dance made the earth happy or mad? The Earth started to shake his ass to show me he is better? And maybe was a way of giving me a worning or celebrate with me as we all are just had a teqeila and drunk? I know there is this little wild spirit in side earth she is just like me wear a short mini skirt and like to surprise people and light a fire.

Wei Shengchu, world record holder in the Guinness Book for acupuncturing himself with 1,790 needles, shows his Olympic pride by wearing 205 needles, one for each country represented at the Games. For the Opening Ceremony, Wei plans to break his record by inserting 2,008 needles in his head.

TOKYO (Reuters) – Japanese athletes have begun a spartan, chopstick-free Chinese food training program to help them acclimatize for this year’s Beijing Olympics.

First of all, a message to Japanese Olympians: SACKTHEFUCKUP. You have to train for speed, strength, and endurance. You have to train to win a gold medal (or a silver or bronze, if you’re cool with slightly disappointing your country). You don’t have to “train” to eat Chinese food, candy asses.

Bai Ling is from Chengdu, China. Chengdu is the capital of Sichuan province, where–if you’ve been living under a rock–a devastating earthquake struck Monday. Bai’s family still lives in Chengdu and, naturally, she was worried for them and wrote about it in a blog entry called “Sad news from my home town…..” (Everyone in her family, as it turns out, is fine.) The post is inexplicably accompanied by a picture of Bai in a wedding gown and shows that Bai’s mind is as slippery as her nipples:

“I glad everyone is fine in my family, but feel sad for the people whom lost life and home and spirit.

Yes it looks like a wedding gown I am waring now, but I am not getting married, but like the idea, maybe one day? Maybe Soon?

TV and print media outlets have been instructed to pull any advertisements featuring the actress. The motivasian behind the ban has not been disclosed, although there’s a general consensus that Tang’s either too sexy for her shirt, too sexy for her shirt, so sexy it hurts, or Chinese officials weren’t pleased that Tang’s character in Lust, Cautionsympathized with a Japanese collaborator played by Tony Leung, who has not been banned even though he actually portrays the traitor. Hmm…

Another thing we can all agree upon? Either reason for the ban is stooooooooopid.

“Next time, she will swim further and I’ll follow her in a boat to ensure safety,” (Xinhua) quoted Huang’s father, who called his daughter a swimming prodigy, as saying.

How very Asian–goals first, safety second. A heartwarming story if I’ve ever heard one.

The other world record story is about itty-bitty couple Li Tangyong, 3 feet 6 inches, of Shunde City, and his new wife Chen Guilan, 2 feet 3 inches, who are hoping to make the Guinness Book as the shortest couple on the planet.

I realized how small my outlook on their record chase had been. I mean, er, not small, but…short-sighted. Ooh–that didn’t come out right. What I mean to say is…I wish you well, Li and Chen, in your pursuit of happiness and lofty, uh, scratch that…big, I mean, er, grand..uh…well, you know what I mean.

Source(Greenie wants everyone to know that little people are people, too)

A few weeks ago, my newly-married Parisian friends came to visit, after taking a month-long road trip through America. Even though Z has lived in Paris for the last 8 years, she is and always will be a diehard New Yorker, as evidenced by the fact that she kept trying to get a good bagel in L.A.

While she and her French husband were driving their rental through some of the gnarlier parts of the country, Z purchased an orange camo trucker hat, which she adorably referred to as her “blender.” Although it was almost neon in color, the blender is a hunting cap, and when Z put it on, she magically transformed from a sassy Parisian-by-way-of-New-Yawk-Fuckin-City to a down-home country girl “blending” with the natives.

Italian and German towns are also reportedly under construction, and in 2005, shocked English press reported that a Chinese firm in Chengdu, capital of Sichuan province in the country’s southwest, was recreating Dorchester, a village in Dorset that inspired novelist Thomas Hardy.