Saturday, December 26, 2015

Yesterday was Christmas. My wife went to Homeplus and bought me a 32-inch generic television called an Xpeer. I'm a broke dead dick, so I rarely experience the joy of name-brands. No matter. This television rocks. It plays all the files from my USB. It might be the greatest present ever.

My wife also returned with a bucket of fried chicken and two large plastic bottles of beer. We stuffed our faces with poultry and French fries. Then we watched The Man in the High Castle. The series is an adaptation of the famous Phillip K. Dick novel of the same title. The premise is that America has just lost WWII. The nation's now in the hands of the Nazis and the Imperial Japanese.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy pagan. I asked Jesus for peace. My wife and eldest son are fighting yet again. She wants him to study more even though he's on vacation. He constantly plays computer games. His gaming infuriates her.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I dreamed that I physically assaulted one of my friends. I wrapped him in a body triangle. After that, I kept punching him in the face. I didn't feel guilty. In fact, I very much enjoyed kicking his ass.

I woke up and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. There was an editorial by a Korean man exhorting Americans to steer clear of Donald Trump. I refuse to listen to such foreign nonsense. Trump's exactly what America needs. He loves the United States, and he isn't a Wall street ass-licker. What more could we ask for? The fact that he's despised globally makes me a stronger supporter. My poor country can't survive another Obama.

I turned on CNN. The network featured a special about the earliest Christians. The narrator said that Peter didn't want to let uncircumcised gentiles into the religion. He wanted all of Jesus's followers to obey Jewish law. Meanwhile, Paul felt the opposite. He wanted to move away from Jewish law and make Christianity a universal religion which welcomed smelly pagans like me. I owe Paul a debt of gratitude. Thanks for your acceptance.

Friday, December 25, 2015

Yesterday, I took my family to dinner. We had fried chicken at a local restaurant. The bird was a little too hot for me. It was saturated in spicy red sauce. It burned a hole in my mouth. But I didn't complain. I just smiled and ate my vittles like a compliant little retarded child. I'm wonderful that way. I washed the meal down with a pitcher of Cass. Cass is my favorite Korean beer.

I watched the last episode of The Frankenstein Chronicles. Sean Bean is framed for murder by one of the doctors. He's then promptly hanged after being tried by a kangaroo court. He gets to go to heaven and see his dead wife. Sadly, Sean's brought back to life in the form of a reanimated dead man. We'll have to wait for the next season to see how it all works out.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy atheist. I thanked Jesus my continued health. I just need to live another nineteen years to give my children a good start in life. After that, the Savior is free to zap me with ass cancer.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke at 10 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A baseball player from the Doosan Bears named Kim Hyun-soo got signed by Baltimore. Mr. Kim will make seven million over the next two years. Good for him.

I turned on CNN. There was a three hour documentary about Chicago. The program was narrated by Donald Sutherland. Chicago's a mess. The school system sucks ass. Plus the south-side is littered with bullet-ridden corpses. Urban America is in the process of dying. I fear my country is on the path to mediocrity. That's why I'm rooting for The Donald.

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Yesterday, I went to McDonald's for dinner. I had a Big Mac and a large order of French fries. The meal was delicious. I'm a huge fan of junk food. All that starch sends me straight to the moon. I washed the vittles down with a glass of genuine Coca-Cola. The experience was heavenly.

I watched a recent episode of The Knick. Dr. Thackery's back on the junk. However, he can no longer use needles to enjoy his heroin and cocaine. The hospital checks him for track marks. So now he ingests his drugs through his nose. Even though he's a junkie, he's still a wonderful doctor. He even finds a cure for syphilis. Good for him.

(The Knick requires a strong stomach.)

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy atheist. I thanked Jesus for all his assistance. The Dragon Lady's doing much better. She's still crazy. But the medicine is helping with the anger issues brought on by Graves' Disease. Her condition is manageable.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had a dream that my car wouldn't work. I blamed my father-in-law. I called him several dirty names. My wife's family was deeply shocked and troubled. They wouldn't accept my apology.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A man in Seoul was arrested for abusing his eleven-year-old daughter. He refused to let her go to school for more than two years and beat her so severely that he broke her ribs. On top of that, the poor child was extremely malnourished and weighed the same as the average four-year-old. If I were king of the world, I'd push this criminal off a cliff. But nobody listens to me.

I turned on CNN. I'm starting to enjoy the network more and more each day. Liberals are outraged because Trump called Hillary Clinton's bathroom break disgusting. He also said she got schlonged by Obama. His rhetoric doesn't offend me. In fact, I'm now an official Trumpian. Screw Hillary. The Donald will make a great president.

Friday, December 18, 2015

Yesterday, I prepared chicken and egg rolls for dinner. I cooked the food in my magnificent Phillips air-fryer. God never created a better machine. I shit you not. My eldest son James-uh raved about my culinary skills. He ate every last morsel on his plate. I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola. I'm a broke dead dick, so I can't afford the good stuff.I watched the latest episode of American Horror Story. Kathy Bates and her transvestite friend Liz make a suicide pact. However, Liz is reunited with her son and decides it's best to keep on living. So instead of giving up, they're determined to wrest control of the hotel from Lady Gaga. Gaga isn't a beautiful woman by any stretch of the imagination. But she does have oodles and oodles of charism. She's quite the mynx. We'll have to turn in next week to see the outcome.I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy pagan. I asked Jesus for patience. I'm bringing my sons to Star Wars tomorrow. We're watching it in 4D. I'm no fan of the franchise. The first movie was great. But it should have ended after Luke blew up the Death Star. The rest have been pure crap.

(People love the franchise.)

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a fresh cup of coffee. Then I read the paper while reading the newspaper. A man in Seoul was arrested for capturing stray cats and selling them for food. The meat is served in a stew. Kitten flesh is supposed to work wonders for those suffering from arthritis. A bowl of cat soup will set you back twenty-five dollars.

(Cat soup is good for arthritis.)

I turned on CNN. The FBI arrested Enrique Marquez. The powers-that-be are charging him with aiding terrorists. Plus he's also accused of purchasing weapons illegally. If I were king of the world, I would march Mr. Marquez kicking and screaming to the town square. Then I would cut off his head with a large axe. But nobody listens to me.Anyway, it's time for the song du jour. Here's The Joker by Steve Miller. God bless.

Thursday, December 17, 2015

Yesterday, I discovered the joy of Facebook. I avoid most technology like the plague. But I decided to get with the times. I'm becoming old much too quickly. Facebook rocks. I talked with friends whom I hadn't spoken to in over thirty years. The whole experience was somewhat emotional. Catching up with people from my past made me misty.I prepared beef and egg rolls for dinner. I cooked the food in my fabulous Phillips air-fryer. It's the best money I ever spent. I shit you not. I love that machine more than my car. My children raved about my culinary skills. They ate every last morsel on their plates. I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola. I'm a broke dead dick, so I can't afford the good stuff.I watched the final episode of Fargo. Season two is absolutely wonderful. The show features a battle between good and evil. And good triumphs. However, the heroes and heroines are changed forever. The price for fighting dragons is their innocence. The villains are marvelous. You will truly begin to hate these shit-birds. Fargo has my highest recommendation.

(Fargo is the bomb.)

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty pagan. I asked Jesus for the gift of patience. My eldest son often gets on my nerves. The only thing he does these days is play his stupid computer games. But he's just a kid. That's what he's supposed to do. I just have to accept the fact that the child is a dullard. No use pounding my head against the wall.I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had a dream about my mother's dogs. I stole them from her house and put them in the back of my car. My actions pissed off the entire family.I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Several mixed-raced children were given awards by the government. Koreans are often cruel to people with mixed blood. So the powers-that-be are trying to convince their citizens to stop acting so boorishly.I turned on CNN. One of the cops in the Freddie Gray case was allowed to go free due to a hung jury. This makes the prosecution look pretty stupid. Therefore, they'll probably try him again. I don't understand the charges. The cops forgot to properly restrain him in the paddy-wagon, and Freddie broke his neck. How is that murder?Anyway, it's time for the song du jour. Here's Hocus Pocus by Focus. God bless.

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

(The North Korean girl band Moranbong canceled their Chinese tour dates.)

Yesterday, I attended an elementary school Christmas show with my family. My youngest son Bluce is currently in the second grade. He sang three songs with his classmates. Poor Bluce isn't much of a singer. But he is one hell of a dancer. You should have seen him swaying from side to side. The boy was born with a natural sense of rhythm.Later, the Dragon Lady took me to a restaurant. She bought me fifteen dollars worth of fried chicken. I also ordered a pitcher of Cass. Cass is my favorite beer in Korea. My wife ate a bowl of fishcake soup. Looks marvelous, doesn't it? She loves anything that smells like the ocean. Seafood is her favorite.

(More delicious Korean food. Mmmmmmmmmm.)

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy pagan. My wife can't stop cleaning the apartment. She scrubs and scrubs and scrubs some more. Her constant activity is driving me up the wall. I wish the the Savior would shoot her with a tranquilizer gun. Oh well. What's a boy to do?I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 6 a.m. and read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. The North Korean girl band Moranbong cancelled all their Chinese tour dates. The powers-that-be in Beijing didn't want them glorifying Kim Jong-un in front of an international audience. So these sexy Asians were promptly called back to Pyongyang.

(The ladies from Moranbong are certainly slim and tasty.)

I turned on CNN. Two dead children were found in a storage facility located in Redding, California. The prime suspects are a 39-year-old woman and a seventeen-year-old boy. They are both being held on charges of child abuse and torture. If were king of the world, I'd have these two miscreants beheaded in the town square. But nobody listens to me.Anyway, it's time for the song du jour. Here's Mother by Pink Floyd. God bless.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Yesterday, I prepared beef and egg rolls for dinner. I cooked the vittles in my magnificent Phillips air-fryer. It's the best machine I ever purchased--bar none. I even love it more than my car. The children raved about my culinary skills. They greedily ate every morsel of food on their plates like starving Chinese orphans. All that joy brought me gladness. I washed the meal down with several glasses of generic cola. I'm a broke dead dick, so I can't afford the good stuff.I watched a recent episode of The Frankenstein Chronicles. It's a show produced in Britain. Normally, I avoid English television because I lack the refinement to appreciate its genius. But I do make the occasional exception. Sean Bean catches Black Bill. He tries to beat a confession out of the villain, but Bill is just too tough. He then jails a woman whom he thinks is the child murderer. Sadly, he's mistaken. The series reminds me of a supernatural Chinatown. The protagonist is in way over his head, and only bad things are bound to happen.I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty nihilist. I asked Jesus for patience. The Dragon Lady recently scolded my son for playing too many computer games. She yelled so loudly that I actually rose from my sound slumber in a panic. I don't really care that much about academics. If my child's a dullard, he can always enlist in the United States Air Force. He'll be quite safe. Only the officers get killed in that particular branch of the military.I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A deaf woman from Seoul became a Starbucks' employee back in 2011. Now she's one of the store's main managers. Furthermore, she loves her job. I appreciate these kind of feel-good stories. It's so easy to become cynical and jaded. Therefore, I do my best to remain optimistic--even though I have the tendency to be a negative son-of-a-bitch.I turned on CNN. I enjoy the network more and more each day. It turns out that the beautiful and radiant Tashfeen Malik had been radicalized years before arriving in sunny California. In fact, she believed in Jihad while still residing in Pakistan. Jeez. What a shock. You would have never guessed it from her recent picture.

(The lovely Tashfeen poses with Sayed.)

The United States government has recently vowed to crackdown on fiance visas. What a drag. The innocent will have to face the same scrutiny as the Islamic horde just for the sake of political correctness.Anyway, it's time for the song du jour. Here's Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler. God bless.

Monday, December 14, 2015

Yesterday, I took my family to church. The pastor talked about being a soldier of God. He gave a long list of characteristics that soldiers of God should possess. But I never actually listen to his sermons. The guy's a smug pain-in-the-ass. Besides, I just go to smile and wave at the people. I'm a social butterfly.My wife had a hankering for sushi. So we drove through heavy traffic to a local eatery. We ate raw oysters and raw flounder. Plus we also enjoyed a piping hot bowl of fish head soup. Looks delicious, doesn't it? Yuck. I'm doing my best to keep the Dragon Lady entertained. What's the old saying? Happy wife, happy life. Let's see how things work out.

(Fishhead soup isn't for everybody.)

I watched UFC 194. I'm not good at predicting outcomes. For instance, I thought Jose Aldo would rip Connor MacGregor a new asshole. It seemed like a safe pick. That little Brazilian hadn't lost a fight in over seven years. MacGregor knocked him cold in thirteen seconds. One massive left hook, and it was all over. No shit. On top of that, Chris Weidman got the crap knocked out of him by Luke Rockhold. I would have never guessed it in a million years.

(Chris Weidman got his ass kicked by Luke Rockhold.)

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy atheist. I asked Jesus to make me a better person. I'm a real negative son-of-a-bitch. For instance, I always ride my eldest son about his poor math skills. But I suck at math, too. The kid recently make a B+ on his Algebra final. That's not too shabby.I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had a dream about being up in a mountain with my Hyundai Santa Fe SUV. Suddenly there was an explosion, and I was knocked off the road. After that, Romans on horseback came storming down the path while swinging their swords in the air. They didn't see me. I was crouched down in the bushes.I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Two men in Seoul were caught manufacturing meth in their apartment. They learned the formula from the internet. One of the suspects claimed that heavy debts drove him to crime. He'll end up serving a few years in jail. Asians don't mess around with narcotics. It's a definite no-no in this part of the world.I turned on CNN. Ted Cruz has a ten point lead in Iowa over Donald Trump. Evangelicals love the Texan. And I like him, too. Cruz is a smart man with conservative social values. But he's in bed with big oil. In fact, the petroleum companies are the main contributors to his super-pac. So a vote for Ted is a vote for the same-old, same-old. Dick Cheney was glued hip to hip with Halliburton, and we all remember how that turned out.Anyway, it's time for the song du jour. Here's Napal Baji by Psy. God bless.

Friday, December 11, 2015

Yesterday, I prepared beef and French fries for dinner. I cooked the vittles in my Phillips air-fryer. It's the best machine I ever purchased. I shit you not. The meal turned out wonderful. My children raved about my mad culinary skills. I'm starting to enjoy cooking. I hope that doesn't make me a fag. Oh well. What's a boy to do?I watched an episode of Criminal Minds. It's the sickest show on television--even though it lacks graphic violence. Two bikers are released from prison. They begin snorting and shooting meth. Then they commit rape and murder at a restaurant in New Mexico. They force their victims to watch the executions before burning the establishment to the ground. But have no fear. Agent Hotch and the BAU team save the day by killing both of the villains with a high-powered rifle. Good for them.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty pagan. I asked Jesus to make my apartment peaceful and stress-free. The Dragon Lady went a little crazy last night. She beat my eldest son with a wooden spoon because he refused to study Algebra. The scene was kind of humorous. She's a frail sickly woman, and he's a 160 pound six-footer. The boy could have snapped her in half. But he took his beating respectfully. Good for him. Self-control is a nice quality to possess.I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A South Korean housewife in Germany underwent an exorcism by her friends and family. Unfortunately, they became a bit overzealous and beat the poor woman to death. The Frankfurt police have four suspects in custody on murder charges. One of the assailants is the victim's fifteen-year-old son.I turned on CNN. The British are passing around a petition to ban Donald Trump from their country. I just don't understand Europeans. They seem to view this Islamic existential threat as play-time. Many countries on the continent have Muslim ghettos where Sharia law is openly practiced. Even the cops won't go into these areas. This is political correctness run amok. One could even call this type of hands-off behavior suicidal. The English should be following Donald's lead instead of criticizing him.Anyway, it's time for the song du jour. Here's Shoot High, Aim Low by Yes. God bless.

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady took me to a restaurant. I ordered fifteen dollars worth of fried chicken and a pitcher of Cass. Cass is my favorite beer in all of Korea. Meanwhile, my wife had the fishcake soup. It looks absolutely disgusting, but she loves the stuff. There's no accounting for taste. We had a fabulous time. Her medicine has been an absolute blessing.

(The Dragon Lady is crazy for fishcake soup.)

I watched an episode of The Frankenstein Chronicles. The show is an English production starring Sean Bean. He plays a detective with syphilis who's hunting down a child murderer. The culprit kidnaps low-income victims. Then he cuts them to pieces and reassembles their body parts. I like the program--which is quite a surprise. Usually, I'm not refined enough to understand British television.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy pagan. I thanked Jesus for helping my wife. She used to be a snarling beast. However, now she laughs and smiles and enjoys the company of her family. Her transformation is truly a miracle. I just hope the medicine continues to work. I'll keep praying.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A woman in Seoul got very drunk and later rode the subway. She passed out from the alcohol. Sadly, a pervert soon noticed and began to feel her up. This kind of nonsense happens quite a bit on the peninsula. But have no fear. This tale has a happy ending. A lieutenant from the Korean army subdued the villain and handed him over to the proper authorities. Good for him.

I turned on CNN. I'm starting to enjoy the network more and more these days. Donald Trump thinks we should ban Muslims from entering the United States. The world's screaming bloody murder over his remarks. The powers-that-be want Trump's head delivered on a silver platter. But I agree wholeheartedly with the billionaire. We should at the very least closely monitor our Islamic brothers and sisters. I'm tired of watching Americans getting slaughtered by misguided heathens. Am I a bigot? Well excuse me for living.

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Yesterday, I prepared beef and French fries for dinner. I cooked the meal in my fabulous Phillips air-fryer. It's the best machine I ever bought. No kidding. The fries came out all hot and crispy and delicious. My children raved about my culinary skills. I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola. I'm a broke dead dick, so I can't afford the good stuff.

(My fabulous Phillips air-fryer.)

I watched another episode of The Last Kingdom. It's a British television series, but I like it anyways. It doesn't have that oppressive Master Piece Theater feel. Utred son of Utred is still acting like a filthy pagan in spite of his marriage to a proper Christian woman. He kills the warlord Abba in man-on-man combat. And now he's attacking his fellow English citizens and stealing their silver. If I were King Alfred, I'd hang Utred in chains.I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty nihilist. I thanked Jesus for throwing me a life-line. The Dragon Lady's still on the road to recovery. If she keeps taking her meds, then things should remain stable. I'm a grateful man. The Savior helped me out of a tough spot. Amen.I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had a strange dream. I was in Alaska drinking in a bar. It began to snow outside. I was worried because I had to catch a train. My friends told me to relax, so I had another beverage.I woke up at 6 a.m. I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. The Park administration stands accused of intimidating foreign journalists. One Japanese reporter was threatened with prison time because of stuff he printed about the Sewol ferry disaster. Furthermore, a reporter from the New York times was harassed for an article she wrote about government sponsored textbooks. I often wonder if the ROK is actually a democracy.I turned on CNN. I saw little snippets of Obama's speech from the Oval Office. I was completely flabbergasted. The president called his fellow Americans a bunch of bigots. After that, he exhorted us to accept our Islamic brothers and sisters as fellow victims in the war against terror. I just shook my head sorrowfully. Americans aren't unfair to Muslims. If anything, we treat them too kindly. It's time for President Joker to go back to Chicago. He's truly losing his marbles.Anyway, the song of the day is Billion Dollar Babies by Alice Cooper. God bless.

Sunday, December 6, 2015

Yesterday, I went with my friends for shabu-shabu. It's a delicious Japanese meal which features razor-thin beef boiled along with a variety of vegetables. Both the conversation and the feast made me quite joyful. I enjoy shooting the shit with my buddies. I washed the vittles down with several glasses of Pepsi. A good time was had by all.

(Shabu-shabu rocks.)

I watched the latest episode of The Ultimate Fighter. It's the most compelling show on television. Marcin the Polish Zombie eked out a victory against Swedish David. Meanwhile, Juicy J advanced by outpointing his Spanish opponent Abner over three rounds. I can't wait for next week. I firmly believe that Jose Aldo will rip Connor McGregor a new asshole. But what do I know?I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty misanthrope. I love my fellow man. I asked Jesus for the gift of patience. The Dragon Lady is suffering from Graves' Disease. Translation? Hyperthyroidism. She's swimming in hormones. However, her medication appears to be working. Her anger quickly comes and goes these days. The Savior has worked another miracle in my life. Amen.I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 8 a.m. and turned on CNN. I like the network better and better each day. Jerry Falwell Jr. is the president of Liberty University. He believes that his students should arm themselves for protection against the Islamic horde. I couldn't agree more. If I lived in America, I would certainly apply for a conceal-carry permit. That way I could blow Ahmed a new asshole if push came to shove.I read the paper later in the day. Koreans are eating more and more bread. In fact, bread is outselling rice at all the Emart supermarkets. This news floors me. Dietary patterns are certainly changing on the peninsula. I'm quite disappointed. Soon all the hot skinny Asian girls will turn into plump American fatties. Oh well. What's a boy to do?Anyway, it's time for the song du jour. Here's Give a Little Bit by Roger Hodgson. God bless.

Friday, December 4, 2015

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady took me to a restaurant. We ordered fifteen dollars worth of fried chicken and a pitcher of Cass beer. Cass is my favorite brand of suds in Korea. The meal was delicious. My wife also ate fish cake soup. Yes, it looks as gross as it sounds. But she loves that kind of stuff. She's a real Asian.

(Korean fish cake soup.)

I didn't watch any television programs. Instead, we relaxed and made small talk. I have to visit her family on Christmas. They live in Pusan. It's a very long journey. But that's OK. I just want to keep the peace.

Later, we discussed the children. Both our boys are a couple of dullards. Trust me. They won't be attending Harvard in the future. Yet I'm cool with it. I wasn't smart enough to attend Harvard, either. However, the Dragon Lady's an aggressive tiger mom. Academic mediocrity rubs against her like sand-paper. She's now on medication to deal with the pain. Good for her.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy atheist. I asked Jesus to protect the children of Korea from their crazy mothers. These poor kiddies are tortured from the time they crawl out of the womb. Pleasure is a dirty word here on the peninsula.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a freshly brewed cup of coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Starting in 2018, the Korean government will require pastors to pay income tax. I have no problem with this. In fact, it's probably a good thing. Why should their personal income be exempt from the powers-that-be? As men of God, they should lead by example.

I turned on my laptop. A 41-year-old pervert named Christopher Schroeder abducted a young teenager. He kept her in his house for over a month and used her as a sex slave. I go back and forth on the death penalty. Some days I'm for it, and others I'm against it. I'm quite wishy-washy. But why should Mr. Schroeder live? Wouldn't the world be better without him? If I were king, I'd march him kicking and screaming to the town square. Then I'd hang him in chains.

Thursday, December 3, 2015

Yesterday, I prepared beef and French fries for dinner. I cooked the meal using my glorious Phillips air-fryer. It's the best machine that I ever bought. No kidding. The food tasted wonderful. In fact, the Children of the Rice raved about my culinary performance. I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola. I'm a broke dead dick, so I can't afford the good stuff.I watched the latest episode of Fargo. Pam and the butcher kidnap Dodd. Pam's gradually losing her mind from all the stress. She stabs Dodd two times in the chest for talking dirty. Then the crazy Indian shows up. Instead of rescuing his employer, he shoots the man in the head. Blood splatters everywhere. Fargo's must see television. You'll love it.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty pagan. I thanked Jesus for the Dragon Lady's new attitude. I often wonder if she's skunked on medication. She seems so calm these days that I barely recognize the woman. In fact, she might take me for chicken and beer later tonight. This last month has been downright pleasant. I'm even getting laid again. Pinch me. I must be in Candy Land.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A medical student from Seoul is getting kicked out of college for beating up his girlfriend. He kept her hostage for a few hours and broke a couple of her ribs. However, he wasn't given any jail time. The judge had mercy since the man is a first-time offender.

I turned on CNN. Muslims are on a rampage yet again. This time the violence took place in California. Fourteen innocent Americans were slaughtered by Syed Farook and Tashfeen Malik. The two murderers were eventually gunned down by the police. Another suspect is in custody. Mark my words. Islam will be the death of us all. The entire religion is nuts.Anyway, it's time for the song du jour. Here's Jennifer Juniper by Donovan. God bless.

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Yesterday, I prepared chicken and French fries for the boys. I baked the chicken in a little toaster oven. Then I cooked the fries in my glorious Phillips air-fryer. They came out all crisp and salty and warm. My children loved the meal. Poultry's my speciality. The Dragon Lady returned at 8 p.m. carrying a big bag filled with Dunkin Donuts. A good time was had by all.I watched a recent episode of Ash vs. Evil Dead. A demon from hell takes over the body of the cute little Jewish girl. She tries to kill Ash and his Mexican friend. Of course, the protagonist and his trusty sidekick manage to survive. However, one of the good guys does get impaled upon a large stick. Blood squirts everywhere. I give Ash vs. Evil Dead a big thumbs up. The series is a lot of fun.I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy nihilist. I asked Jesus to protect the Dragon Lady. Lately, my wife's been very calm. She no longer seems a slave to the bad chemicals in her brain. But my placid home life could end at any moment. The woman was cursed with the worst temper that I've ever seen. One day, she might actually kill me. Oh well. What's a boy to do?I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had a dream about going to the beach. I had to ascend a long elevator to get to the sand. After that, I was kicked out of a sporting goods store for spilling Gatorade on the floor. My nightmares are never ending. I should probably start drinking again in order to take the edge off.I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank some freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Many female defectors from North Korea are turning to prostitution in order to gain financial success. They're tired of working as waitresses. A middle aged prostitute on the peninsula can makes $6,000 a month. Waitresses, on the other hand, usually only earn $1,300.I turned on my laptop. John Harkness is a 69-year-old military veteran. He served for over twenty years in the Marines. Now he enjoys participating in the Toys For Tots program. Walmart made poor old Mr. Harkness stand outside in 8 degree weather to collect gifts for the needy. The giant retailer didn't want to offend its customers by being too festive. What happened to America? Have we really become this stupid?Anyway, it's time for the song du jour. Here's Daddy by Psy. God bless.