I have lost my confidence.

I am 32 weeks. I am 5’2’’ and now, with belly, weighing 200 lbs. Supposed to gain a pound a week from here on out. That’s a lot for such a little person. My stomach hangs in front of me like a growth or a tumor, I’m that big. I’m covered in stretch marks that I didn’t figure I would get since I got quite a few with the first. I have developed severe sciatica that I can’t do anything about which makes it impossible to walk, sit, or sleep without pain. You should see me try and put on my own panties. Every stranger I meet says the same thing, “your about to pop huh? How much longer do you have left???” In which I reply 2 months and the face I get from them is heartbreaking. The next thing that ALWAYS comes out of there mouth is, are you sure you’re not having twins? Ugh, you have no idea how old that gets. And its like there is no more room in there for him, he cant kick anymore. I feel him try to move but I just don’t see how he doing it. I feel all baby. Which gives me thoughts that he is going to be HUGE. So if you combine the fear of U/R, a huge baby, and all the pain I’m having, I wanna throw in the towel. I know I would regret it after the section was done though. Its just for the first time I’m starting to get scared. I need to do this unmedicated, I know I do. My chances of having a successful VBAC are greater if I do but ugh, I can only imagine what kind of pain I’m going to be in. And if he is a big baby, im gonna rip in half, I just know it. I have put so much work and research into having a VBAC that my brain is just so focused on having one I think I might not be doing what’s best for me. My aunt asked me why I would want to do that to my baby. I tried so hard last time. Why would I put my son through what I put my daughter through. She got lodged in my birth canal and stuck. Did I hurt her? Maybe I’m just thinking about myself. If I could just go into labor right now I wouldn’t be so scared. But as time goes by he gets bigger and bigger and I hurt worse and worse. I think I’m talking myself out of having a VBAC and I don’t want to. I really want to do this. *sighs* I miss my confidence.

Comments (9)

I am not even 5'2"... probably an inch shorter and I weighed 245 with my fourth baby (he weighed 9 pounds). Yeah, I was huge, yeah, it was uncomfortable but the VBAC was totally worth it.

For the sciatica, ask your OB for a recommendation to a chiropractor that specializes in pregnant women. I had it so bad that I couldn't walk up or down the stairs in our house. It was awful. After the first chiro visit, it was 90% gone. I was so relieved that I cried in the car on the way home. I went every week for the last two of my pregnancy for the sciatica and by the time I delivered it was completely gone.

Don't feel like you have to suffer, ask your doc for help. Tylenol are okay and it might take the edge off.

Don't give up!! You started out with a desire for a VBAC. Don't talk yourself out of it. You can do it.

Wow, that sounds really uncomfortable. I'm sorry you are so uncomfortable with still a couple months to go. I really believe in VBAC and think if that's something you really want, then go for it. It's likely going to be a week or two longer than with a scheduled c-section, but if you can find a way to minimize the discomfort, a VBAC will likely give you a faster recovery afterwards. Perhaps the chiropractor might be able to help as the previous post suggested. That being said, it sounds like you are having a lot of doubt about VBAC. Maybe you can reassess and see if perhaps the risk versus reward calculation has changed for you. Maybe the benefits of a repeat c-section might work out better for you and your situation. Go through the scenarios. If you scheduled a RCS, would you really regret not giving VBAC a chance? If you go for a VBAC, but it ends in a RCS, will you be glad you at least tried or regret that you didn't do it earlier? Whatever you decide, it's really up to you. No one else has walked in your shoes. Some may pressure you to do the c-section because it's easier in their eyes. Or some may say you should absolutely go for a VBAC. But really as long as you've got 2 medically good options, it's going to be based on your feelings, hopes and fears. Regarding size of the baby, I did want to say that how much you're showing does not necessarily relate to the size. Everyone thought I was small and I even had an ultrasound to check for growth restriction, but my DD was over 8.5 pounds. Everyone carries babies differently.

Best wishes. I hope you're able to find a path that works well for you.

With my first daughter that is ALL I HEARD TOO!! It drove me to tears some days...I knew it wasn't twins, and guess what..I felt big..I didn't need to hear it from anyone on the street!! She was a big baby.. (8 lbs 9 oz, 21.5 in.) I (warned!!) tried to tell my doc/midwives but they all said that I would be fine, until she was stuck by her shoulders..cause they were too big to fit. If you really push your docs for options they'll do it. I pushed them to induce at 36.5 wks and she was that big. Don't loose sight of your goal, see if you can get an ultrasound to see possible weight when it gets close and make sure you know your options.

I feel the same way as of confidence right now....mostly due to when I have to return to work....If I could I would take a full year off ( I did with both daughters). But thats not gonna happen... and my mind keeps saying that If I give in to what the DRs want I can schedule a CS for right after I leave work and have the full 12 wks until I gotta come back. If I don't I will be at home waiting it out for a couple more wks....

(((HUGS))). I don't know why people are so insensitive and tactless. Really. They feel like they can say anything to a pregnant woman because apparently it doesn't hurt a pregnant woman's feelings to say things. (They OBVIOUSLY didn't get the hormones memo.) Whenever you have someone say these comments, feel free to set them in their place ("Thanks for making me feel horrible. That's just what I needed.") Or just ignore. I wish I was witty to help you come up with a real zinger!!! Maybe someone else can!

As for your VBAC- I think what Ellie said is what I'd say, too. Look in your heart- from your post, it sounds like you still want to give VBAC a try, but if this changes, then it's okay. You can schedule a c-section and cancel it, too.

Hang in there!!! We're here rooting you on, whatever you decide!

And as for a drug-free birth: if you do go this route, take it one contraction at a time. If I can do it, you can too. I used hypnobabies as a tool to help me achieve a drug-free VBAC. Hypnobabies really helped me relax and look forward to my birth and I actually was excited when I went into labor. I didn't mind contractions until transition- I did ask for an epidural then (didn't get it, by the time I was through half the saline bag I was 10 cm and ready to push) but I wonder if I or someone else had known I was in transition if I could've handled it better. And remember you can always get something and still have a VBAC. Just do your research on the pros and cons of every intervention and make sure you know what you're comfortable doing and what you absolutely do not want.

I am 4'11'' and so, like you, my belly is like HALF of my body. My doctor told me that it IS harder for us shorties. That it feels like carrying twins b/c our torsos are so much smaller. My babies have been 7.5-8 lbs each, so not huge but not small either. Not sure about this one. I'm 39 weeks tomorrow and if it's any consolation, my weight gain tapered off about a month ago. I haven't gained but maybe a lb in those last weeks though my eating habits haven't changed. I think there just plain isn't any more room! My 7.5 lber was a vaginal birth, the 8 lb one was a breech c/s. I'm full steam ahead for the VBAC even if this one is the biggest (doc will est size on Monday at next appt).

I had an epidural with #1 and it didn't slow my labor, it actually relaxed me enough that I dilated more quickly. So sometimes the epi isn't the problem (but, of course, it is an intervention). Quite frankly and as much as I hope that I will not need drugs, I'm not going to rule it out entirely. If I need it, I'll postpone it, and if I still need it, I'll just ask for it. Just give yourself the emotional space to reevaluate things as they come.

Welp, exptinboy1, I cant induce. I am a VBAC. It increase my chances of U/R so I simply dont have that option. And a late U/S? Ya, I was going to but then I realized that some people have no problems passing 10 lbs babies as much as some people cant pass an 7 lb baby so having a U/S done doesnt really matter and shouldnt change my plans. Or maybe im just scared to find out hes too big.

And to Ellie, very very encouraging words. I answered some of your questions out loud as I was reading your reply. "If you scheduled a RCS, would you really regret not giving VBAC a chance?" YES, YES I WOULD VERY VERY MUCH If you go for a VBAC, but it ends in a RCS, will you be glad you at least tried or regret that you didn't do it earlier? " YES I WOULD BE PROUD OF MYSELF FOR TRYING, BUT A PART OF MY HEART WILL BE LOST AGAIN TO THE THOUGHT THAT IM NOT A REAL WOMAN B/C I CANT HAVE BABYS THE WAY GOD INTENDED

But your right, it is important to me. Very, thats why im going to hold my head high and try my best. im not ruling out meds, there just my last resort. Ill have to remember to take one contraction at a time.

I was well over the 200 mark when I got pregnant....I am taller than you, but if I can VBAC, then you can too.....

You can do this. You really can. And it's so much better than any c-s....it really is. I walked the same day as I VBAC'D. I went to the bathroom by myself. I had no tearing. I could eat afterwards. I felt awesome. And I also had a sweet new baby to love. You can VBAC. It's possible. Believe in yourself. And also don't worry about weight gain..

Just wanted to chime in on the "I need to do this unmedicated" part. Actually there are tons of us on here who have had medications, inductions, augmentations and all sorts of interventions. Your goal should be to minimize them as much as possible, but it can be done with these things. The idea is to try to avoid them when they are not necessary and hold off on them until you definately need them.

I know you're miserable, pretty much every pregnant woman is near the end, but I know that you can do this. You just have to know that you can too. The mind is a serious tool when it comes to VBAC. Also remember that your baby's position and your labor position probably had a lot to do with your previous c-section. There's a lot you can do to help those things out in the future. Get yourself to a chiropractor to start the relief now.

Just know that we are all here for you, whatever happens, and you can definately come to vent off your fears and stresses anytime. I can't wait to read your story in 2 months!