Salafis demand Hindus & Buddhists who were Muslims in a previous life to reconvert

Indian government comes under fire as Salafis turn their attention eastward

The Egyptian Salafi movement has accused the Indian government of holding captive millions of Hindus and Buddhists who had allegedly been Muslims in a previous life.

“These people had converted to Islam at some point in the distant past and they are now being kept hidden inside Buddhist temples and ashrams all over South Asia,” said Salafi leader Mohammed Hareeqa while ominously playing with a box of matches.

“We have given the Indian government a one month ultimatum before we smoke these captives out and reclaim them as true, properly bearded Muslim men and women,” Hareeqa told EKT, unaware that a small section of his own beard had caught on fire when he dramatically ignited a match while saying the words "smoke them out."

Meanwhile, nearly two thousand Salafis are planning to travel to Bangkok next week to protest against the huge number of Buddhists who were allegedly Muslims in previous lives but now either don’t remember or don’t seem to care.

Interestingly, when EKT pointed out to Hareeqa that Islam does not recognize reincarnation, he contracted his eyebrows: “I admit I never actually read the entire Koran -- have you seen how heavy that book is? -- but if their own religion says reincarnation exists and they believe they were Muslims previously, then we have to respect … uhh, wait … obahhh.”

The Salafis’ shift towards Asia comes after two incidences where their members were incensed by separate rumours of Christian women converting to Islam before being abducted by reportedly Mossad-trained Copts and hidden inside churches.

During a rally earlier this week, Hareeq had said: “Copts are trying to control their women and hide them, but they are forgetting just who invented the niqab and the burqa. The art of hiding women is our territory, not theirs!”

Hareeqa first rose to notoriety when he attacked the Dalai Lama at a UN conference in Geneva last year, grabbing the lama by his crimson/yellow galabeya and bellowing into his face: “WERE YOU MUSLIM IN BREVIOUS LIFE??”

The Dalai Lama reportedly had to meditate for ten days straight after the attack in order to regain the ability to smile again.

In related news, former President Hosni Mubarak is reportedly aiming to be reborn as the building of a Swiss bank in Zurich for his next life. He is widely believed to have been La Vache qui Rit’s iconic laughing cow in his previous life.

Jakob Wranne

Wed, 05/11/2011 - 08:18

The free floating levitating Levitationist can't be trusted of upholding their roots either.

Concerned Expatriate

Wed, 05/11/2011 - 11:40

I have no trouble with God.....it's his fan clubs that worries me.

edith howard

Fri, 05/13/2011 - 16:43

I love it/I needed that laugh badly!

Papushi

Fri, 05/13/2011 - 23:32

Someone linked this on Twitter with the headline. I though it was serious until I reached the 'ominously playing with a box of matches', bit.

Cheers for the lulz.

Anonymous

Sat, 05/14/2011 - 07:55

Besides Muslims don't believe in rebirth. Once they are dead they have to wait till the "Qayamat" Judgement day to seen any kind of action.

homdilly

linz

Anonymous

Fri, 07/22/2011 - 22:46

This is great.
Especially the part about the art of hiding women :-)))

Shawnie

Thu, 08/11/2011 - 19:48

Is this for real? I was on vacation last week and my family decided to visit the Oklahoma native american museum on our way to Keystone Colorado. We got to meet the curator and he was discussing this latest accusation from the Egyptian government. I'm not sure if I really believe it based on this article, and I wasn't able to find another article that discussed this.

J. Williams

Mon, 09/12/2011 - 12:50

Indian Government was accused of hiding Buddhist and Hindus who were now converted to Islam. If this is really true, I hope the Indians will set these people free and let them choose their desired religion.
Best,
Jimmy WilliamsMillionaire Mind Book - Co-Author

khalty

Thu, 09/29/2011 - 18:18

fake but as good as real :D luv it!

Steven G

Wed, 11/16/2011 - 21:49

I can't stop laughing, this post is hilarious! Salafi movement accusing indian government for holding captive millions of Hindus and Buddhists who had allegedly been Muslims in a previous life? Is this for real? Anyway, this post was entertaining. Thanks for the great read!

david

Sun, 12/11/2011 - 09:04

For the first time in a long time the world can look to an Arab nation and see the possibility for a real democracy demanded by the people, for the people. I'm happy for the people of Egypt that their dictator is gone and I wish them continued courage and creativity in navigating their way to a system that respects their fundamental rights and freedoms. Their courage and perserverance in facing down their corrupt government was truly inspiring. christmas cards

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Anonymouss

Twitter with the headline. I though it was serious until I reached the 'ominously playing with a box of matches', Rent a Lamborghini

AnonymousS

Mon, 01/02/2012 - 19:14

will set these people free and let them choose their desired religion. Mail Forwarding
I hope the Indians

Ashraf Ezzat

Tue, 01/03/2012 - 02:36

This is my first visit to this site.
... A Hilarious post, I haven’t laughed that much lately.

Thank you for the satirical and yet brain-storming writing.
I would like to mirror some of your posts at my website http://ashraf62.wordpress.com/ , I hope that's OK.

I also write in some online publications, e.g., Veterans Today, Dissident Voice and Salem News.com

Anonymous

Tue, 02/07/2012 - 20:16

Nice post, good to know that this Hindus & Buddhists topic is being covered also in this web site.
Thanks for taking time to discuss this, keep up with this interesting work.
Good job !l-glutamina

Stacy G

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 17:32

This was one of the funniest articles I have ever read. I thought it was a serious article until I read the Dalai Lama reportedly had to meditate for ten days straight after the attack in order to regain the ability to smile again.

Mark

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 16:37

Salafi movement accusing indian government for holding captive millions of Hindus and Buddhists who had allegedly been Muslims in a previous life? Is this for real? Almost seems as fake as believing a low calorie diet is healthy for the human body. Anyway, this post was entertaining. Thanks for the great read!