"If I can't get a conservatorship, then I'm going to take her to an undisclosed location and get her straight. But I know I'm going to get charged with kidnapping." According to Radar Online, LL plans to get a restraining order to keep her father away. And guess whose idea that was? "Dina is the one that told her to get a restraining order," Michael Lohan says. "But you know what? I'm still going to try to do everything with the courts to try and get Lindsay better." [MSNBC]

Madonna made over $110 million last year, and her Ray of Light foundation is worth $6 million — but she only gave away $500,000 to charity. Some went to Raising Malawi — which this column points out is a front for the Kabbalah Center; some went to Kabbalah's Spirituality for Kids; some went to Jewish Big Brothers/Sisters of Los Angeles. Madonna did not donate any money to AmFar or any charity conducting AIDS research. [Showbiz 411]

A source says Madonna and Guy Ritchie have unfinished business. "The truth is both Guy and Madonna are becoming more and more open in their admissions that in many ways they regret getting divorced… It's one of those rare situations where couples start to get on better once their marriage is over." [MSNBC via The People UK]

A Swiss court has ordered Roman Polanski to stay in jail — and rejected an offer of bail — because the filmmaker poses a flight risk. [AP]

Johnny Depp is joining his fave Brit band, Babybird, as a guitarist and has already directed the video for a new single. Who wants to go stand in the crowd and shout, "Play 'A Pirate's Life For Me'"? [The Sun]

Justin Timberlake's mom seems to think he is still with Jessica Biel. When asked what kind of woman she wants to see her son with, Lynn Harless said: "The one he's with now is awesome." She also pointed out: "He's found someone that'll golf with him, give him a hard time when he deserves it and stand up to him." O rly? [Ok!]

Officials from the Miss California USA pageant would like to have the money they gave Carrie Prejean for a breast augmentation back. [TMZ]

The creator of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition says he spoke with Balloon DadRichard Heene about a possible reality show a month ago — a show in which the kids would chase storms — and the CEO says and Heene is a "liar." Heene said he hadn't pitched his show to anyone else, but he'd already met with TLC. [TMZ]

"Balloon Dad's Wife Swap Costar Saw Temper." Sheree Silver lived with Falcon and his dad during filming and says he was like a "mad scientist" who would yell and scream at her. Silver says she tried making him his "space eggs" – yolks on top of the egg white – just like his wife. but when she cut into the yolk with her knife and fork, Richard yelled, "Oh my God. You just killed the mother ship." [People]

John Mayer's birthday was a sausagefest, with Seth Meyers, Stephen Dorff and Jeremy Piven in attendance. Jennifer Aniston was nowhere to be seen. [Page Six]

John Mayer is doling out advice to Tween Queens Miley Cyrus and Demi Lovato. [People]

Russell Brand is getting Katy Perry a petting zoo of fake animals for her 25th birthday. In addition, the picture at the link reveals that he wears blue underpants from American Apparel. [The Sun]

Dr. Nathalie Maullin, a psychiatrist who treated Anna Nicole Smith for drug dependency, testified that she tried to set up a program to wean the pin-up off prescription painkillers but found the her uncooperative and hostile during her stay in the hospital. [AP]

The IRS is trying to get tax money from Anna Nicole Smith's estate — two and a half years after her death. [TMZ]

Amy Winehouse's dad Mitch will speak to Members of Parliament about how drug addicts should be treated. He won't focus on his daughter but he will point out that there's a gap between celebrities who can afford to check into expensive rehab clinics like the one Amy was in — and regular people who cannot get help. [Daily Mail]

Kylie Minogue's Bollywood debut has been panned by critics, who called her "as sexy as a fat housewife in a kaftan." Rude. [News.com.au]

Good Hair will open nationwide on Friday, now that a judge has seen both Chris Rock's film and My Nappy Roots, which rock is accused of ripping off. The filmmaker of My Nappy Roots is prepared to go to trial, though: She wants $5 million in compensation and damages. [E!]

Viggo Mortensen lost weight for his flick The Road, but after filming was over, he "went out and made a swine" of himself. [Mirror]

Edward Furlong's estranged wife is seeking to dismiss the restraining order she had placed against him, saying, "We're actually friends… We're not having a bad divorce… We just ran into some issues." [People]

Mel Gibson's son William Gibson is "appalled" by the humiliation of his mom what with Mel's divorce, Russian mistress, pregnancy, etc. So he's becoming a missionary in Africa. [MSNBC]

On the subject of Mel Gibson, TMZ founder Harvey Levin is saying the Los Angeles County sheriff's department illegally obtained his phone records while it was investigating who leaked a report about Mel's 2006 DUI arrest and anti-Semitic rant. [AP]

"An estimated 450 people attended a reception in Dublin following the private funeral and cremation of Irish pop star Stephen Gately, sources told the BBC." [UPI]

Whatshername said something on TV that had to be edited out. [Daily Star]

"People are alluding to the fact that I may have been high on something but I can only say I wasn't — because I wasn't. Unless someone spiked my drink and I would have noticed. I know what various drugs feel like. It's the same as the deer in headlights, the deer's not on anything other than fear. I'd had a few coffees before I went on, that's all." — Robbie Williams denies he was on drugs during a shaky appearance on The X Factor. [The Sun]

"Hilary Swank… has been a good friend of mine for years, and we've always talked about working together. I suppose we kind of kept our eyes open for something. She called me about Amelia just as I arrived to start shooting I Love You, Phillip Morris, and we struggled for quite some time, but I really wanted to make it work dates-wise. So I literally made the two films at the same time, flying back and forth from Toronto." — Ewan McGregor. [Daily Express]

"She is the only girl. It is the first Lowe girl born in 72 years. She's got a lot of doting uncles and cousins. She is beloved." — Chad Lowe on daughter Mabel. [People]

"I love wearing high heels, I love wearing silk stockings and I love wearing hot pants. In those three, I feel like a Thirties tough girl. If I didn't look in the mirror, I might just mistake myself for Rita Hayworth or Marlene Dietrich. How great is that?" — Yoko Ono. [Daily Express]

"I think when the stars are aligned ... and all five of us have our heads on straight and know the direction we're going as a band, it'll eventually happen. If not, I know we'll be best friends forever." — Chris Kirkpatrick actually thinks there might be an 'N Sync reunion. [Gaetcrasher]

"I'm a size 8 now since losing more than a stone from all the dance training. I've been that small before, but it was when I was taking drugs and was really unhealthy. Now I'm so fit and even my skin looks better — I think it's from all the sweating!" — Kelly Osbourne, who credits Dancing With The Stars for her slender physique. And yes, that's size 8 UK. [Daily Mail]

"Sadly, I think the only thing we can be sure of now, is 10, 15 years down the road, the E! True Hollywood story: The Gosselin Kids." — Janice Min, former editor in chief of Us Weekly, to Vanity Fair. [MSNBC Scoop]

"Yes, I'm Twittering. I know how to use it. I'm not a Neanderthal or anything like that. You know when I'm doing something interesting, I put it on Twitter. If I'm not, I don't. I don't walk around Twittering all day. You got to be a retard to walk around Twittering all day. Come on, man, who does that?" — Tracy Morgan. [NY Post]