It should have been said

Dear Fellow Playground Daddy:

How extraordinary to learn that your 15-month-old son, teetering at your knee
in those brand-new Nike Shox, is such a die-hard Knicks fan. You say you took
him to every home game this year? Impressive. But surely, he fell asleep
before the games ended, right? He didn’t? Ah, yes, the atmosphere can get pretty
boisterous, what with all those screaming drunks and everything, and the games
usually don’t end until around 10:30pm. No wonder the kid looks so dazed.

I understand the desire to bond with your son, since you see him so seldom
during your onerous work week, and it’s great that you’re here—in your
flawlessly pressed casual wear—to mess around with him. And of course you’re
welcome to borrow our little basketball. But you’ve thrown it at your boy about
a dozen times now, and despite your relentless jawboning, I don’t think he’s
quite got the hang of catching just yet. In fact, you’ve hit him in the face
just about every goddamn time, and he’s crying and begging to be picked up. No,
I don’t think he’s reached the age where he can “walk it off.”

Comments

It should have been said

Dear Fellow Playground Daddy:

How extraordinary to learn that your 15-month-old son, teetering at your knee
in those brand-new Nike Shox, is such a die-hard Knicks fan. You say you took
him to every home game this year? Impressive. But surely, he fell asleep
before the games ended, right? He didn’t? Ah, yes, the atmosphere can get pretty
boisterous, what with all those screaming drunks and everything, and the games
usually don’t end until around 10:30pm. No wonder the kid looks so dazed.

I understand the desire to bond with your son, since you see him so seldom
during your onerous work week, and it’s great that you’re here—in your
flawlessly pressed casual wear—to mess around with him. And of course you’re
welcome to borrow our little basketball. But you’ve thrown it at your boy about
a dozen times now, and despite your relentless jawboning, I don’t think he’s
quite got the hang of catching just yet. In fact, you’ve hit him in the face
just about every goddamn time, and he’s crying and begging to be picked up. No,
I don’t think he’s reached the age where he can “walk it off.”