Stop asking Facebook what time fucking Asda closes

Use fucking Google for Christ’s sake. The only answers you’re going to get off Facebook are 15 minutes later from your equally brain dead friends, who, incidentally, are probably asking fucking Beyonce on Twitter.

You shouldn’t be asking social media when your fucking kid’s term starts.

Sandra: “Had it wiv men me”

Mandy: “Aw, you ok hun?”

Sandra: “PM me”

Ah the attention seeker and the nosey bitch. A match made in heaven. Sandra doesn’t have any friends and Mandy hasn’t spoken to her for four years.

After this very public exchange, Sandra will inform Mandy that Paul, her dosser of a boyfriend, went out on Friday and didn’t return until Tuesday.

She’ll go on to explain that he stank of cheap perfume and wouldn’t answer his phone, and that she knows what he’s up to but will never leave him because she loves him ‘more than life itself.’

Mandy will then take great pleasure in telling the girls at bingo what a mug Sandra is and what a cunt Paul is.

“Only 5 of my friends will share this post”

You’ll be lucky you unoriginal cunt. They won’t share it because it’s shite. If you want to talk about an illness that’s affected you or to raise awareness about something, don’t use some fucking impersonal generic template and beg for shares.

P.S. Please please please share this post! Only 3 of my friends will. The rest of you just care if I die of AIDS.

If for some insane reason you actually like this shite then please consider a small donation (or a fucking massive one if you're rich). Facebook have killed the reach of my page and as a result I make bugger all, plus borderline alcoholism is quite expensive.