The family-medical-history moment

By now, the “family medical history moment” is so common and expected that it’s barely worth mentioning anymore. You know, it’s that moment when the nurse or doctor asks an adoptee if there’s any history in the family of diabetes, breast cancer, etc. The unfortunate adoptee who has very little or no information about their birth family has to deal with the inevitable, “I was adopted. I don’t know.”

It use to be a serious source of stress for me, but I guess I just got use to it. It’s gotten to the point where I say it or write it down without thinking much about it – or maybe I’ve just resigned myself to the idea that there’s nothing I can do about it.

My last doctor appointment, however, brought it all back.

As expected, the nurse starts going down the usual list of questions:

“Are you allergic to any medications?”

“Not that I’m aware of.”

“Any serious injuries in the past that we should know about?”

“Nothing more serious than a broken arm when I was three.”

“Any history of cancer, diabetes, etc?”

“I have no idea. I was adopted.”

*laughs “Well! That makes it simple, doesn’t it?”

*silence

I wish someone had been there to record of my facial expression. It must have been as indescribable as my feelings at the time. I think I actually debated with myself for a few seconds on whether or not to point out how dismissive, insensitive and ignorant-seeming her statement was. It might have saved the next adoptee she encountered some grief, but sometimes you have to pick your battles. The only justification I have is that I just wanted to do what needed to be done and get out of there.

“I wish,” was about all I could get out of my mouth.

What I really wanted to say would have turned into an hour long lecture of why it did anything but make things simple.

My mind immediately went to Julia and so many like her who might have benefited from knowledge of their family medical histories and access to genetically related family members. All those “what if” questions came flooding back along with all the anger.

They are questions that most of us will never have answers to because someone didn’t think our lives prior to our adoptions meant anything. Adoptees who have no access to information that most people take for granted are left to wonder and hope that the day they need it to save their lives never comes.