How to Eat after an Eating Disorder. WIAW – Take One.

Eating disorders ruled my life for almost two decades. I was obsessed with, and tried, every possible diet, weight loss plan, detox, cleanse and restrictive eating plan. All that I got was an even greater obsession with food and weight.

My eating disorder took various shapes and forms – starting off with anorexia and then progressing to binge eating, compulsive overeating, excessive exercise, laxative abuse, bulimia and binge eating. I have been through it all! I was given a taste of all the different flavors of an eating disorder.

I sought help through a number of different paths and sources. I tried eating disorder counselors, support groups, spiritual healing and I was even hospitalized twice in order to stop the extreme acting out.

What I didn’t realize was that it was my dieting and restrictive eating that was fuelling the eating disorder and until I stopped that, nothing would change. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

I would try all the different treatment programs but my behavior and attitude remained the same – I would diet, restrict and eventually binge. I just could not connect the dieting to the eating disorder. I thought you HAD to be on a diet and anything else was absurd and ineffective.

I never truly believed that I would find a lasting eating disorder recovery solution. I thought that I would always in some way or another live with the mental obsession, the preoccupation with food and weight, and at best have periods of “abstinence” from the extreme manifestation of the eating disorder.

Things got so bad at some point that I guess I reached that real rock bottom place. You now the place – where you cannot live another day the way that you have been living. Things had to change because I had no life, no interest and no spirit left.

I did not know exactly what normal or intuitive eating was at the time (well, I still don’t), but I just had the desire to be a “normal eater.” You know the ones? They eat what they want, they stop when they are full, they do not have any off limits food and they do not suffer with guilt or obsession over what they ate.

This was my goal and after reaching that rock bottom place where I absolutely had no life or interest other than food and weight loss, I became determined to become a NORMAL EATER.

The process takes time, patience with oneself and practice. I’m still on my journey. I’m still learning every day and I make mistakes so don’t judge me strictly. I didn’t become disordered eater overnight, so the recovery takes time. However, the more I let go of diet rules, plans and restriction, the more I focus on ACTING like an intuitive eater, the faster I notice results.

The biggest challenges that I have faced up to this time are initially not knowing what to eat and a major fear of weight gain. But slowly I add food that I like; I taste things out and observe the results. Even thought I am terrified at times that I would not be able to stop eating, the I’m happy with the results that the more I focus on being a normal eater, letting go of the scales, rules, restriction, the more freedom I experience and the lesser the obsession is.

So here is an example of what I eat during the day. My WIAW (yesterday) meals!

I have never been a breakfast eater so you’ll never see anything breakfast like on this series.

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19 thoughts on “How to Eat after an Eating Disorder. WIAW – Take One.”

I’m a little bit of both. I have been working on eating intuitively for about 6 months. It caused quite a bit of anxiety in the beginning but it’s starting to feel more natural (dare I say normal?)

In order to keep my meal plan on track and my dietitian happy, I do still have set times by which I must eat even if I don’t *feel* hungry, otherwise it’s likely that I won’t meet my calorie goal for the day. I am not a breakfast person either!! I do have a little protein snack that I take to work but generally my first meal is morning tea at 10am. It’s more difficult on work days because we have set breaks (10am, 12.30pm) but if I’m not hungry, I just eat later (or earlier) at my desk.

On days where I exercise a lot, I find that I am now sometimes having an unplanned snack and I’m OK with that. I like to eat food that is as minimally processed as possible because that is when I feel the best in my body (i.e. my digestion system).

It’s summer here and VERY hot so I’m mainly living on salads; I have also just planted a herb garden in some pots on my back porch – baby spinach, roquette, spring onions, chives, chilli, basil, cilantro…I can’t wait til they are ready to eat!

Yay for salads! And for salad lovers too! Gosh, how can one resist that fresh crunch? I don’t know if there’s any veggie I don’t like?.. Is there one you don’t, Nataly?
I know that eating intuitively is huge and I don’t claim I do it perfectly; I think, I manage 50/50 (just as you 😉 ). However sometimes is so good to hear what your body is telling and to go for a not planned apple or a bit of chocolate. I pray to hear those cravings more often and wish that for you too. 😀

Confused? Me too! Yes, still!
There are days I HAVE to plan my eats, cause otherwise I may go crazy and end up starving or binging on stuff.
Re-learning, improving, letting go of fears – everyday course for me as well, Missy. Life’s school! 😀

I wish I could be an intuitive eater…my body tells me everything I need to know, it’s just that I often don’t listen to it. I’m a huge snacker, and definitely see the consequences of that if I go overboard. I’m very glad I stumbled across your blog! 🙂

Hi Liv! Thank you for stopping by and for your amazing comment. I wish I could say I’m an intuitive eater, because I’m not – I’m re-learning to listening to what my body tells. Snacks are a big deal to me too. Not so long ago I used to eat constantly: an egg here and an apple there, also coffee coffee coffee with a bit of nuts or some cheese. So I hear you on going overboard with it. Well, I hope, a little patience and lots of love will help us deal with it.

I really like this post, and I’m really proud of you and inspired. I would love to eat intuitively but at the moment I intuitively want to just ‘protect’ or ‘comfort’ myself through food – so that wouldn’t work. Listening to my body is so screwed up. Getting in touch with what it feels like to be hungry and how foods make you feel – that would be a very helpful thing indeed. My relationship with my own body has been such a war for so many years, I continue to struggle with it to this day, and I badly wish to become friends and allies with it.
As always, I really like your food. It looks fresh, healthy, and definitely adequate. Definitely the sort of food I like to eat too. And not gimmicky – I hate all the protein powders, the fake this and that etc.
I don’t have much to say! I just wanted to give you a warm hug and send you my love really xxxx

Protein powders! Sorry to start my reply with this, but I remember trying so many varieties of those and I always end up hungry and beyond gassy. Can you imagine and I worked at school!!!
I understand that you can’t just decide to go for intuition coming out of an ed (especially anorexia IMO) But within time you can (I can) smell that freedom that exists – you can eat whatever and stay calm and feel good and not over-think things. I hope to get to that place permanently and I believe you will too.

Let’s hope that freedom smells a heck of a lot better than protein powder gas does LOL 😉 I could not resist! They remind me too much of all the supplement drinks I’ve had to drink, and I don’t want to willingly exist on something like that to be honest. I hope that when I’m able to no longer ever listen to ED again, my food is as close to how God made it as possible. Or there is a good reason for it being manufactured – like in the case of Chocolate!! 😉

You have come so far, and so have I – and that makes us all the more likely to be able to go even further. It’s definitely possible for us both and thank you for showing me that xx

Great post; i myself have suffered from a variety of eating disorders..its tough! im still pretty strict onmeal planning etc but im a heck o a lot better than i was and try to eat a wide range of food. its tough but we’ll get there!

Hi and thank you for your comment. There are days I plan my meals and I’m scared that this whole body cult is forever. That I will always be obsessed about it, food,calories and fitness… So me too – in hope! 😉

Thanks for sharing your story!
I’m not a strict meal planner (anymore! During my ED I totally was.) because I know I cant stick to it. I eat when I’m hungry and stop when I’m full. It’s something I had to get used to at first.

I suck at meal planning, never have been able to do so. So for me its all about cravings. I still suck at ‘Lets go have lunch now’ plans when Im not yet hungry but even that I am learning. I disallallow myself any or every possible diet-version, or exercise version, for now. No ‘only fresh’, no ‘raw’, no ‘gluten free’. Not even recipes; when I want to bake something, I am not allowed to look for a certain ‘free’ something. Yes, I have doubled, but coming where Im coming from, this is a good thing. Nobody would ever suspect an ED now when they look at me (no EDs, whichever one) and even I am finally starting to feel free. Which I why I worry so much about a lot of recovery bloggers who do get stuck in an exercise and healthy-eats rut of whch I wonder how healthy it really is. Because, really, its just another ‘regime’ maybe..

Dearest Sooz, I’m so happy you exist. Your comments/letters are like a balm to my heart. I hate that we have to wonder those labyrinths of minds to have some relief for a while, but I’m happy you are doing better despite of all.

I don’t want to be that “sucker” you’ve described. Your post and letters made me really alert. In a good way! Thank you so much for that. I really like you go with your guts. I’m learning that at the moment too – and I like it; though as you say – I must stay on guard.
xoxo

I’m Greta. I live in a small country in Europe. I am recovering from an eating disorder. But this blog is not only about that. It’s a cozy corner of my little life, full of passions for fashion, food, books and movies. Oh, and coffee... Coffee is the best thing to douse the sunrise with.

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DISCLAIMER

I am NOT a Registered Dietician, psychiatrist, specialist of eating disorders, personal trainer, or a certified fitness instructor. Everything I post is from what I have learned on my own and what works best for me.