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YAWN!! Should You Stay Married If It’s Boooooring?!

UK celebrity couple, presenter Zoe Ball and DJ Fatboy Slim broke up recently as part of a spate of recent similar celeb ‘conscious uncouplings.’ This one stands out for the reason given for the separation. Zoe Ball apparently stated that she was bored! Brutal…but honest.

Predictably she was lambasted for it online with most of the internet crowd on Team Fatboy. But I have to ask, should anyone stay in a marriage that they are not happy with? For any reason? Who does that serve? The person who wants to leave? The one who knows the other wants to leave or the children caught in the middle?

Are we still saying that marriages should be kept past their usefulness and the couple should live in misery or indeed boredom for some old fashioned, cultural or societal reason?

WHAT SAY YOU?

Yes The Ed you should do everything possible to keep a marriage together and I’ll tell you why you fool…

No The Ed, folks should end the torture before they want to kill each other.

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49 comments

Bored in a marriage! How is that possible? You know if someone’s boring before the “I do”, don’t you? Boring can be fixed. Try practicing new and different things so the marriage doesn’t get stale. Marriages aren’t boyfriend, girlfriend relationships. It’s a BONDED commitment. Why marry a boring person? At least exhaust all efforts before giving up. Don’t bring kids into the mix until the bond is strong enough. Kids are gifts and they NEED STRONG ADULTS in their lives. Kids have no place in uncommitted relationships.

I’d say it depends – no easy answer. As far as celebrity divorces go, I think they live in the moment and bring their flair for the dramatics into their relationships. What is interesting are the couples that live together happily for years and the break up shortly after they marry, e,g. Jeri Hall and Mick Jagger; Angie and Brad.

You know, I wonder if she was being honest. Because what does ‘bored’ actually mean? Did she mean she’d fallen out of love with him? That she wants to be with other people? That he wasn’t open to having new experiences with her? What? ‘Bored’ doesn’t have a lot of meaning.

Back to the actual question. I think that a marriage is a work in progress between two people and I wouldn’t entertain the idea of divorce unless we’d done everything we could to resolve our issues. That said, if the issues in the marriage can’t be resolved I think a (hopefully amicable and at the very least respectful) divorce is the way to go.

I know, it all sounds very reasonable but then why do so many people hate each other come divorce?
I’d suggest that what sounds good on paper often doesn’t work out because as reasonable as you may be you could end up sparring with someone who has gone totally strange on you for inexplicable reasons.

I’ve been married for more than thirty years. I don’t think it is possible to stay married that long without some boredom. I also know that I’ve had enough excitement in my life that sometimes ‘boring’ is good. It really is all about what you (generic ‘you’) want, though. To provide a stable home for kids, perhaps you shouldn’t be looking for too much excitement. If all you care about is having fun, then don’t stay married. There isn’t just one right answer.

Yeah it’s true. I believe if you have children they have to come first, although I also don’t believe anyone should stay trapped in any situation. There are probably as many scenario’s available as there are people, as you say Mel.

LOL….Back in our Primal days, men would bonk anything in a skirt, leave the wife and children to ‘do his thing’ and today, as a result, we have major gangsters who’ve had no guidance in Childhood.

I myself am not an advocate for staying if there is something intrinsically WRONG. ie philandering man or woman, but for ‘being bored’? childish. If you have no kids though, run for the hills! But if you have kids and you are just bored, kink up your sex life. If he/she is too boring, then make sure you can provide for the kids and swop him for someone more exciting. We only live once, but not at other’s expense. i.e. kids. As I say, if he can’t keep his d..k in his pants, leave, or that teaches the kids it’s ok to behave this way, but if you are just bored, grow up.

Or if he’s violent. NEVER stay, even if you have 10 kids. A strong woman will survive this! Just my opinion. I’d never stay with a prick, never. Even if kids are involved, but then I am strong and have had to survive. So if a woman feels she just can’t hack it without him, best she go for counselling on how to ‘survive’. Viva Gloria Gaynor!! 🙂

you know, they’ve been so invalidated by one thing or another, and thanks to the media, believe they have to ‘compete’ with men. I must say, that these days, a lot of men are quite ‘ladylike’, what with the face creams, hair gel, even eyelash extension mascara is being used by some! Its so pathetic and yet so sad. WHAT has happened to STRONG men? So strong men and strong women, seem to be diminishing into wimps, who feed off of each other. I sound SO nasty, and don’t mean to be, but seriously, when some of my friends literally whine about ‘how their partners are treating them’, and ask my advice and I sing exactly what you have, pulling a Gloria Gaynor on them, they don’t listen. They are so desperate that they just put up with more abuse. I blame the media, putting out false body images and faces that have been airbrushed to look like the woman doesn’t have a single wrinkle or spot! which is impossible and so I reckon a woman who is not strong within herself, looks at these pics, cannot measure up ever, even if she ate a lettuce leaf every day, and so believes she’s not worthy. So the strong women have been invalidated and only a FEW still stand. YOU are one of them my lovely x x

Ah, I thank you! Indeed so are you. Coping with your health and recent personal issues with such feisty-ness. I am hoping that this will translate into that book of yours.
Yes I agree that we are building a nation of butt-hurt wimps. Not entirely my cup of tea.

Ha ha, love your expressions! Thanks for the kindness you show to me. I love you for that. Making decisions on what to do with all of my beautiful furniture is difficult, after closing the site, but Ebay seems to work and is cheaper.
Yes, VERY few men for women out there. They are wimps mostly. They’ve forced women who’ve just had a baby to go back to work, leaving the poor child in daycare, which is the opposite of how it should be. What happened to the family unit? The grannies to take care of the little ones? I was born in the wrong era methinks. I believe in strong family values and would take care of a grandchild (if I had one) 24/7 if it was needed, abandoning all else. This is not to say I’m a hero, but it’s my feeling of value for what is truly real.

If one of my Daughters had to hook up with a wimp, woah! I’d kick his sorry ass out the door and let him go cry on Mama’s shoulder! Women unite!! 🙂

haha, which part is the African in me? Kicking the wimp’s ass out the door? Oh YES! no parking spot for a wimp in my family. If you aren’t a man, go back to Mama’s tit. (sorry for the language, but tis true!)

I’m a big believer of knowing when to cut your losses and run. So, I’m on my third marriage. The good news is that there are no losses in sight, here, and I’be been married to #3 for 20 years. He’s a keeper and I know when to hang on to a good thing too!

I’d opt for “No.2” ! Marriage life is gamble and two people try out if they can be together as a married couple. If it doesn’t work, it’s not a problem. We need to be honest and not being miserable. But I think many people feels difficulty to do take an action and scare of public eyes from people round them.

I’d say that the poor girl had no idea that most lasting marriages go through their dry spells. There is a certain stubborn selfishness on the part of the bored partner sometimes–as if they must be entertained by the other at all times. Popular culture breeds and celebrates the art of being dissatisfied–it’s part of the great longing to consume and then be rid of something for the next exciting thing.

I just kind of wonder how it got to that point. I can’t judge others marriages, especially a celebrity who I have and most likely never will meet. I think it’s really important to always prioritize and give your best to your marriage. Of course you can get bored and restless, but I think there is a lot couples can do to make sure that doesn’t kill their marriage. But I also don’t think marriage is fundamentally just about two people being happy together. I think it’s a great perk and beauty of it, but it’s about so much more and that’s probably the main reason I think it’s sad to divorce over boredom.

Yeah, it can happen so quickly, or maybe really it’s a bunch of little choices made over time until you realize that you’re so far apart. That’s why the big stuff and the really little stuff all have value.