I've written here several times about my SIL. Right after we got married, she developed a habit of having "seizures" and "fainting fits" at church, at stores, at the movie theater. Ambulances were called. ER doctors examined her. But there was never any legitimate reason for her to faint. And she didn't have a seizure disorder.

My husband was working night shifts and I lived 20 miles closer to the hospital than my inlaws. I kept getting calls from SIL saying, "They're rushing me to the ER, please come down, I don't want to be alone!"And I went. Three times. Each time, SIL perked up the moment I got there, asking for Sprite from the convenience store down the street because the hospital only sold 7up, turning on her favorite TV show so we could watch it together. So I said enough. There was no reason for me to be there. There was no reason for SIL to be there. She wasn't sick. And my hubby wasn't thrilled with my driving into the bad part of town at night, alone, to get to the hospital.

On the third time, I told SIL, "This is the last time I can do this. This is the third time I've come to the ER in two weeks. I can't keep doing this. You need to make other arrangements the next time you go to the hospital"

The next week, she called again, having "fainted" at the grocery. She wanted me to come to the hospital, and could I bring her some fries from Wendy's? I said, no, I'd told her that wouldn't be possible anymore and she needed to make other arrangements. And then I hung up.

The fainting spells mysteriously ground to a halt.

You just have to say no. Don't make excuses or give reasons because she'll argue around them. Just say no.

I feel sad for people who think they have to go to those lengths to get attention from other people. On the other hand, there's a good chance that for some of them, they've already driven people away with other behaviors and that's the only way they can get people to pay attention to them.

Logged

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

The people I've known who have used medical situations (real or contrived) for attention without fail always had other issues that usually made them incapable of being a good friend to anyone. This behavior is probably in my top five list of Huge Red Flags. I don't think any stable, well adjusted person does this sort of thing.

I work in a hospital, and we do sometimes get people faking seizures. Healthcare is free here, so they are not out any money, no matter how many times they do this. I can't for the life of me understand how it makes someone feel good to waist a specialists time like that. Don't they know the doctors, nurses, and all other medical staff know they are faking? Or is it just about getting attention from friends and family?

I cringe when I type up the (many, and expensive) tests they require. It's sad, and mind-boggling at the same time.

Logged

Just because someone is offended that does not mean they are in the right.

Jan74

The people I've known who have used medical situations (real or contrived) for attention without fail always had other issues that usually made them incapable of being a good friend to anyone. This behavior is probably in my top five list of Huge Red Flags. I don't think any stable, well adjusted person does this sort of thing.

I haven't heard a peep from Sharrie until she called this morning. I could tell she wanted to ask for something (and also that she was doing something online at the same time) but I was successful in cutting short the conversation. Polite, but short. E-hellers - it was GREAT. It felt wonderful to realize something was afoot and to steer the conversation to a close.

Fast forward a few hours later and Sharrie's ringing me again. She started off like she was my best friend, joking that it'd been "ages since we've talked this morning" but just a few minutes into the conversation her voice trailed off and I could tell she was doing something online. So I outed her. "What ya looking at?" I asked. She admitted she was looking at some kind of silk website. Is that rude or what?

Anyway, she was calling back because she had forgotten to ask if I could give her a ride to the airport tomorrow at o'dark thirty. I live 30 miles from the airport, she lives 5. She has a husband who could drop her off on his way to work. Granted, it would add an extra hour to an hour and a half wait time, but I've done that rather than inconvenience use someone and it's not that bad. She could ask a neighbor to give her a ride, or this new friend she keeps bragging is "so cool," or she could call a cab. I guess it bothered me that she thought I wouldn't mind making a 60 mile round trip for her. However, I told her gently that I wouldn't be able to help her out this time. Yes, I wanted to say something else like why the heck would I want to go out of my way AGAIN for you since you've probably known about this trip for a few weeks, but I chose to take the high road and just say I'm sorry, that won't be possible. No excuses, no spineless whining that I'm so sorry, no call me next time because I'll be there for you. Just a firm but polite I can't help you.

I work in a hospital, and we do sometimes get people faking seizures. Healthcare is free here, so they are not out any money, no matter how many times they do this. I can't for the life of me understand how it makes someone feel good to waist a specialists time like that. Don't they know the doctors, nurses, and all other medical staff know they are faking? Or is it just about getting attention from friends and family?

I cringe when I type up the (many, and expensive) tests they require. It's sad, and mind-boggling at the same time.

I knew someone recently who was having a 'dizzy spell' - probably genuine but just due to a change in medication and expected - but she called an ambulance because when you go in an ambulance you skip the triage step and they take you straight in at emergency. But of course they had to run all the tests etc. I couldn't believe that she would take those resources away from someone who might be, I don't know, actually sick.