Saturday, January 21, 2017

Make America Fat Again

For too long Americans have eaten foreign food at the expense of the great American diet, subsidized the chefs of other countries, while allowing the very sad depletion of our own poorly paid fast food workers.

But, that is the past and now we are looking only to the future. From this day forward, it's going to be only American fast food first. Every decision on breakfast, on lunch, on dinner will be made to benefit American fast food workers and American restaurants.

When you open your bellies to American fast food, there is no room for foreign food. We must protect our bellies from the ravages of Mexican burritos, Indian curries and Japanese sushi. We will bring back our burgers. We will bring back our donuts. We will bring back our fried chicken.

We do not seek to impose our diet on anyone, but rather to let it shine as an example to the world. We will eat fast food and ignore fresh fruit and vegetables which we will eradicate completely from the face of the earth.

Together we will make American fast food strong again. We will make fast food proud again. And, yes, together, we will make America fat again.