Dealing with Stress and Conflict

Any advice. I am married to an undiagnosed severe ADHD man. Our relationship is very volatile. He does not hit me thank God, but we argue so much. When we get along its great but when we dont, look out, I feel so mad at him like I hate him. That scares me because I've never been in such an emotional type relationship before. Also, the stress of being married to this man is constant, between the mess, and taking care of most of the responsibilities, and working...Iv'e been wanting to quit smoking, usually I can when I was single, but being married to him, i dont know if i will ever be able to quit. How do you deal with stress when ur spouse seems to make u stressed whenever hes around just because of his symptoms?

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I lived this same way for many, many years always walking on eggshells waiting for his next angry outburst which would occur almost on a daily basis. I never knew when, where or why it would happen. I found myself avoiding him as much as possible because I could feel the stress building up in me every time he would get this way. God forbid if I said anything because that would just make it worse. I can honestly say that I disliked my husband for a very long time. As a result of this, we more or less lived seperate lives which helped with my stress to a point. It wasn't until several years ago, when our marriage hit "rock bottom", which I have talked about in my other posts, where we were headed for divorce and I finally became bold enough to stand up to him and let him know how I really felt about our entire relationship. Talk about the weight of the world being lifted off of my shoulders. It was life changing for me and I could feel the stress leaving my body instantly. I had developed high blood pressure and high cholesterol as well as being a nervous wreck most of the time. I was dying a slow death. Fortunately, all is OK now with regard to my health. Unfortunately, we did not have the resources back then to help us figure out what was going on but at least now we know that most of his problems are because of the ADHD. Communication, which we had very little of, is key. Can you talk to him about it? Let him know how it makes you feel? You must handle this before you make yourself sick! Do you have family and/or friends that know what is going on, who can help? Hoping for the best.