YO IT IS A CAPS LOCK KIND OF DAY. HERE IS WHASSUP IN THE SORTA-PARK SLOPE HOOD.

*Friday, August 13: Film with an intro. BAM's Emotionally Sloppy Manic Cinema series continues with The Pleasure of Being Robbed. The 6:50 screening will be introduced by actress Eleonore Hendricks and director Benny Safdie. Film's only 71 minutes, so no need to bring your Aderall.

*Saturday, August 14: Funniez. "Gentrify Brooklyn" is happening at the Brooklyn Lyceum with the ladies and gents of SIDECAR and m.a.d. Tis only $5 so you can afford the rest of your night at The Sackett thereafter.

*Wednesday, August 18: Videoblogging 101. We can't all be as good at life as Greg is, so learn how to videoblog your shit with the BRIC Arts crew. Info on the two-hour class here.

Take a look at this steel monstrosity that has cropped up on 9th Street in between 6th and 5th Avenues. Since we're not real journalists up in here, I've never actually seen this thing when it's open, so it could be a fruit stand, custard truck, or (what I'm putting my money on) a magazine stand.

Anyone actually walked by this thing when it's been open? If it IS a magazine stand, GREAT. Because God knows that we need somewhere to buy our magazines that isn't the CVS or the Steve's C-Town directly in front of this thing.

I've had my moments in the annals of crappy parenting. Yes, I've taught my kids to curse like little navvies. I didn't correct kid two when she used to think dump truck was pronounced dumb fuck. I'm a yeller. I like to nap even when my kids don't want to. I consider inconsistency kind of under-rated. I make my husband do all the bedtime stories.

But I draw the line at smoking a bong while driving my kids around. A recent Park Slope Parents post emailed anonymously to FIPS headquarters (me having been permanently banned!) related the alarming daytripping of a stoner Park Slope daddy as reported by his wife.

News 12 reports that a man was hit and killed on the Bay Ridge-bound R tracks at Union Street on Monday morning. A FIPS reader tipped us off after her commute from hell, and wants to know if anyone has any details:

I was waiting at the 9th St stop trying to get to work in Bay Ridge, got to the platform around 8:35 yesterday. And waiting. AND WAITING! At 9:50 (there's usually a train every 5 mins so it was clear something was really wrong) there was an announcement that the Bay Ridge bound R train would be running express from Pacific St to 36th St due to problems at the Union St station and there would be no fucking R train coming to pick up the very large crowd of people that had accrued until further notice. I had to get a car service to get to work and was still late grumble. My co-worker came in at 11:00am and said her R train from DeKalb was still running express from Pacific to 36th and they had told her it was a police investigation. I searched the internet hardcore today to find out what the deal was and all I could find was one measly 20 second news clip from a Long Island station that just said a man was hit and killed by the R at Union St. Anyone in the FIPS world know more info??

Just a week after making fun of kid one's hilarious warding off of hypothetical bears and rattlers, I'm now fighting the flight instinct myself. Had to eat my words when my neighbors came running back from the tennis courts yesterday having just seen a bear ambling across our private road. This was followed up by the garter snake that slithered around kid two's ankle and then the sighting of giant primordial snapping turtles off the dock. Oh, and some dude brought his fucking ALBINO BOA CONSTRICTOR to Skinners Falls last time we went. They were sunning themselves side by side.

I would run back to the safety of Park Slope except for the fact that you city folk are apparently faring no better.

Exhibit Effing A! The Rockaways are under seige after several shark sightings on Saturday.

Per one Rockaway denizen: “It’s a regular part of life in the ocean. The water’s warm, the bait comes close to shore, and the bigger fish chase the bait.”

Yeah? Well, fuck that shit! Those dumpster pools have never looked so good.

Canadian Goose? Tiger? Piranha? Now if I were picking the most dangerous creature here, it sure as shit wouldn't have been the geese! The least those evil exterminators could have done was ensure goose liver pate for all (well, except you vegans).

C: The raccoons staged a return trip to that brownstone, perhaps to avenge the beheading of their fallen comrade, maybe because there was something delicious in that kitchen? Erica emailed from exile to alert me to the dangers of raccoon roundworm. Pile on, why don't you?

From the Cornell Cooperative Extension, "raccoon roundworm can be contracted by humans who accidentally ingest roundworm eggs (shed in raccoon drop- pings) from contaminated areaseat raccoon shitby not washing hands after working or playing in or around a contaminated area. Small children are particularly vulnerable because they tend to put their hands and other objects in their mouths. Wash your goddamned hands and rugrats, stop sucking on those gross little mitts.

I told Erica that she doesn't pay me enough to read this shit but the long and short of it is that we are too nice in New York to kill raccoons and snapping turtles (no problem with geese!). Where's that weird trapper dude who parks his vehicle near the Pavilion? Call him.