You sir are a god of parody. This was hilarious the whole way through. Everything from the word choice to the stance in the photos was pure Phil Elmore style masturbatory paranoia speak. I think you really need to let this one build up into a regular discussion topic and/or regularly accepted truth before exposing just how tragically stupid good 'ol Phil is.

Once again, brilliantly done kickcatcher, you get a gold star AND a smiley face.

Not much more to say than has already been said. Kudos to the amazing job, only you should've taken at least one picture with the trademark Phil Elmore eyebrow. He might've asked you to write for his newsletter every issue, thinking he had found a protege. Maybe even be interested in a date...

My favorite is the fact that most of the vital areas of the body are uncovered. What if the felon goes for your eyes? Or your throat? WHERE IS YOUR ANNE RICE NOW?

That's covered in the follow up article.

Duh.

You can't cram that much pure gold into just one issue...even if it is a mega issue.

For your throat you put books into your scarf obviously....or your bandana in the summer....yes I know this means you have to wear it around your neck like a mexican bandit and not your head reducing the tough guy image...but it's better than a knife in the throat right?

For your eyes you cut the bottom off of two small pepsi bottles and use string to tie them over your eyes. You may think that this would have a negative effect on your vision. However, the angle of the plastic will actually ENHANCE your peripheral vision meaning that it is even HARDER for the attacker to sneak up on you. Not only that, but because the plastic is clear no one will notice meaning that you can still mack on the babes! And that book body armour under your jacket will make you look extra buff. BOOYAKASHA!!

You can't cram that much pure gold into just one issue...even if it is a mega issue.

For your throat you put books into your scarf obviously....or your bandana in the summer....yes I know this means you have to wear it around your neck like a mexican bandit and not your head reducing the tough guy image...but it's better than a knife in the throat right?

For your eyes you cut the bottom off of two small pepsi bottles and use string to tie them over your eyes. You may think that this would have a negative effect on your vision. However, the angle of the plastic will actually ENHANCE your peripheral vision meaning that it is even HARDER for the attacker to sneak up on you. Not only that, but because the plastic is clear no one will notice meaning that you can still mack on the babes! And that book body armour under your jacket will make you look extra buff. BOOYAKASHA!!

The part where he attacks Dave Lowry is my favorite. That's like going up to the Pope and saying "you don't know jack about Roman Catholicism!" His arguments against his "anti-Western" snobbery are ridiculous. What Lowry is talking about are the Ashida Kim's and Bryce Dallas's of the world who pervert Japanese martial arts and Japanese culture to market it to dumb Western children cornfed on anime and chop socky. Coming as I do from a JMA background I find it offensive too. It's not "anti-Western snobbery"... it's respect for the traditions which he studies. He's not making any normative or otherwise value-laden claims about the superiority of JMA over anything else... he's just saying it's often sad and funny (and sadly funny) when Westerners piggyback on something they haven't paid for, literally and figuratively, by trying to understand the martial culture of a foreign land.

Of coures, a minimum the e-budoka who took on Phil's article on e-budo didn't make that any better with their own Orientophilism, but Lowry should be exonerated from such claims.