12 Things That Happen When You Move In Together

So much...hair.

If you've ever moved in with an SO, you have felt the pain of Swiffering up what feels like endless bits of hair. Boy hair. Girl hair. Hair, hair, everywhere. And that's just the beginning.

1. You can no longer have private phone conversations about him. How and when are you supposed to do all your bitching? In the car?

2. Hair starts showing up in places you never thought it could. There is so much short man hair/long lady hair and it's commingling everywhere and you can never keep up with it.

3. You have to fight about furniture. You're going to have an emotional breakdown in Ikea. It's just going to happen. He also hates your country chic aesthetic and over his dead body will you have more than two pillows on the bed.

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4. You stop knowing how to watch TV because his electronics are incomprehensible to you. You get home from work early and just have to sit quietly not touching anything until he gets home and fixes everything. How the fuck do you turn it on? Do you have to press HDMI? There's just a whole lot of shit back there and too many remotes.

5. His ticks and habits make you so, so angry. His bizarro thing of clutching his bare fungus toes while he's lying on the couch will repulse you. Your tendency to only shut drawers most of the way could potentially be a breaking point. You also hover too close when he's trying to help by doing the dishes can you just back off already?

6. He arbitrarily throws your stuff away. So what if that T-shirt was old and had holes and had a permanent smell?! I LOVED IT.

7. You have to come up with a touching back story for any weird trinket you want to keep. No, I can't throw out my Justin Timberlake marionette doll from the No Strings Attached tour because my dog chewed it once and it's the only thing I have to remember her by! Or maybe I just don't want to. Sowhatwhocares.

8. The way you handle neighbors is totally different. Guy next door playing his guitar too loud makes you want to knock on his door and ask him politely to quit it. Your man decides to turn up his music even louder and start banging his fist against the wall.

9. You don't have to worry about going anywhere anymore, in a good way. Also you never have to keep underwear and a toothbrush in your purse because all your stuff is right there.

10. You need someone to turn off the smoke detector because of the bacon? Boom. Covered.

11. Against your better judgement you adopt some of his self-care habits. Two-in-one shampoo and conditioner is super convenient.

12. And obviously the bathroom (a.k.a. the pooping) becomes your own personal Pandora's Box. Do you poop in the house at all? But how long can you keep up the poop-at-work thing? You probably hate pooping at work too, right? Okay, so you're now forced to consider the prospect of pooping with your boyfriend in the same 500-sq.-ft. radius. Do you do what he does and leave the water on? Do you courtesy flush every time there's the possibility of a sound? Do you walk in with a bottle of Febreeze, a box of matches, and enough candles for a seance? Do you make a big announcement when you're about to go in and tell him to go far, far away? Do you close every door in between you and the front room, where he's been banished? Do you download the Fake Shower app and play it from your phone so it sounds like the water's running but it's less wasteful? Do you just not talk about it and pretend it never happens? How is anyone supposed to poop around here?