Get to Know Your Poop Bugs

The package from Metametrix arrived by mail with the sort of paper tray that food stands use for hotdogs. My job: Poop in it, scoop stool into three small vials filled with liquid preservative, shake well, and FedEx back—for science. (Then I washed my hands a few times.) Metametrix is one of several companies that analyze the DNA of the legion of bacteria that lives in your gastrointestinal tract. Gut microorganisms basically eat what we eat, so smart dietary choices can foster the bugs that boost metabolism and help absorb nutrients. The bad news is that I’m 32 years old, 5’10”, 190 pounds, and love peanut butter and hot wings. Apparently that unbalanced diet has left me predisposed to a host of problems. Here’s the poop on my poop.

Adiposity Index

Two phyla of bacteria, Bacteroidetes and Firmicutes, help digest foods. But they do it at different rates, creating either a surplus or shortage of calories. Ideally you want a 2-to-1 ratio of Bacteroidetes to Firmicutes.Result: My ratio is about 1 to 6, which puts me at risk for obesity.Solution: Replace grains like bread with vegetables to reduce Firmicutes. Take a probiotic and eat more fermented foods like yogurt and kimchi.

Predominant Bacteria Analysis

A census of nine genera. Imbalances have been linked to irritable bowel syndrome.Result: 130 million colony-forming units of Lactobacillus per gram of feces and a measly 17 million of Fusobacteria. At 19 million CFUs each, my Bacteroides and Prevotella are low.Solution: Eat artichokes, onions, and garlic to stimulate diverse bacteria, but limit consumption of bug-killing alcohol. Disappointing.

Yeast/Fungi

Plenty of unhealthy fungi species, including the yeast Candida albicans, can grow in the gut if good bacteria don’t crowd them out. That may cause diarrhea, headache, and fatigue.Result: I have a disturbingly large amount of unidentified yeast. This supposedly explains my occasional headaches and might put me at risk for jock itch. Really.Solution: Eat better. Some doctors prescribe an oral antifungal.

Drug Resistance

Somehow—perhaps from eating animals treated with antibiotics—gut bacteria can develop resistance to those drugs. That means the bacteria can break down the medicine before it can help you, the person in whose gut they reside.Result: My gut biome is invulnerable to mecA (methicillin).Solution: I can’t turn my superbugs back into Clark Kent bugs, but I can eat organics to avoid future exposure to antibiotics.