And that the infidel behind this massive emergency cache is a woman - some sort of godforsaken apostate she-devil harpy in league with, uh, Chevron!

No wonder Ecuador's President Rafael Correa is shitting bricks.

Reporters tracking Obama's entourage this evening say he took a camel rickshaw to the US diplomatic residence built in the shadow of Riyadh's Two Humps Bazaar, the headquarters of the Saudi Arabia's official petroleum exchange.

The visit sees the country's ruler King Abdullah demand that America takes a leaf out of daft octogenarian GOP hasbeen Henry Kissinger's book and flog off half the SPR, as the reserve is known, to foil Russian crude tactics in the Ukraine.

"She's got you over a barrel of sweet light crude, Mr President," the monarch has commented.

"Bet they never told you how to get out of that one at law school!"

Make queen mudder's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)