The Birds And The Bees

I lay on my bed and waited to die – I was almost 12.

I knew ma(sturbation) was wrong, it could make you go blind the priests told us. However, like all young boys I was a prolific w(anker) with perfect sight; priests were liars! So I carried on – until the day something so shocking happened that I prayed for blindness rather than death.

Let me explain further: one evening I came home surprised to see my Mother crying. She was moved by a TV documentary about a young boys brave battle with cancer. I watched as the Doctors searched for a life saving ‘Bone Marrow’ donor. One was found, the boy was saved and the programmed ended happily ever after.

About a week later, a Saturday afternoon, I went to my room to indulge in my naughty habit. But something was different this time – my journey to the shivery, tickly crescendo seemed amplified, more intense, and I tossed away with Olympian speed; suddenly a load of white stuff shot out of me and hit the wall. I was stunned!
What the **** was this?
White stuff?
Bone Marrow!
The boy in the TV show needed it to be saved! And I’d just pumped the lot out of me! I should’ve listened to the priests. My parents were out – I would die alone.

My Mother arrived home a few hours later and I rushed to her. I told her of my impending death through heaving sobs – I was so sorry that my evil habit had depleted my Bone Marrow. She hugged me and I felt her shoulders shudder with grief. As she gently pushed me away, I was baffled to see her shoulders shook with mirth, her laughter almost as hysterical as my tears?

That afternoon my Mother told me all about the birds and the bees (sex education) with an honesty and openness I’d never seen in her before. Like the boy in the programme my story ended happily when I realised I had a Mother with whom I could discuss anything – I miss my Lovely Mammy so much.

I remember when I was a kid my parents were mortally afraid of me doing anything. I was completely open with them about everything, but of course they had never exposed me to anything "adult". But one day, when I was about 10, my friend at school, a girl who was a little bit TOO adventurous, asked me if I was like "Ron Jeremy." I asked my parents about it, and they had a fit, and never let me see her again. And then I saw her when I was 16, and I found out she was a hooker and addict, and that her brother and friends had raped her when she was 7. She died soon after, and I felt so horrible, as she had been my best friend for 3 years. I felt awful, and I confused all the teachers by refusing to go to Health or sex ed after that, convinced as I was that teachers weren't doing enough to help children.

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deleted26-30
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19
Apr 11

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