Monthly Archives: July 2016

So you’ve come this far, and by all accounts you’re measuring up – compared to others, you’re living pretty well, you have all the right stuff and you’ve just come back from your regular holiday to the seasonal hotspot.

By anyone’s measure you’re living up to your potential. When you look at where you woke up right this very morning through the lens of your mother or a childhood friend or even a teacher – you’re right on target. Content. Satisfied. Complete… Or maybe not.

Sometimes when you get a moment to yourself you get this feeling that your success is in terms of a pretty narrow and rigid definition. It’s not that existential angst feeling from your teenage years – this is different – it’s more of a gnawing pull, or a even a subtle dread that perhaps – just maybe – things could be different. That maybe doing what everyone expects of you, and meeting their expectations these last twenty or so years isn’t really ringing your bell any longer.

But is there really any other choice?

Being married with a couple of kids and a mortgage – plus you’ve just stepped up into that new role at work… Is this really happening? You might think that this is a phase – or a part of the process – but it has been going on for a while.. But isn’t this just how life is for everyone? Shouldn’t I just get on with it and just do my bit and let this feeling pass – there’s just too much at stake…

You’re conscious of you’re responsibilities – of course, but maybe you are forgetting yourself and finding balance between your own growth and challenge is not so straight forward. Take action – or let it slide?

What Might A Personal Coach Suggest?

So what might a personal coach suggest? How could I help you gain some clarity and alignment around this vague feeling of unease and put it into something concrete and certain to drive your life purpose for the next 90 days – or better yet, next 10 years?

There’s a proven method to peel back your learned behaviours and conditioning from your childhood so you can reveal for yourself exactly what your essential nature is.

It’s a simple question and answer process and you’ll feel a sense of relief and composure upon completing this. It’s a transformational part of the heart-centered personal coaching process. (I’d love the opportunity to share this experience with you – read on for details of how you can share a live experience in my regular webinar.)

Once you have this awareness you will feel different.

Some might describe it as a collapse, or a deep exhale, it’s like coming home and settling into your favourite chair – you just feel settled and at peace. You might also feel a bit torn or raw at the gravity of actually finally knowing. I admit my first time revealing this process was a let down in the sense the mystery was taken away. It was as though I was so attached to not knowing, and the guessing etc, I was comfortable that I would never quite be able to put my finger on it.

But getting clarity and awareness is just the first step. Once the uncertainty of of guessing or mistakenly believing that you are a fixed personality falls away, everything becomes much much clearer. Things drop away, seriously.

It’s no wonder people use the word clarity to describe the feeling. Knowing your own space with exactness does have a real sense of a grounded foundation to it. It’s like you have a solid base to build from, and you’ll feel that calm, grounded confidence. Again, for me it was a real revelation and I needed a few days to process, just to get comfortable with the words and looking at myself in the mirror and being able to accept that I was now an essential nature label/category.

You’ll emerge with a series of words to describe yourself – and these words will be the base motivation behind everything you do – when you do it from an authentic and open place – as opposed to doing things out of expectation or obligation or conditioning. Your essential nature is entirely composed of your core values and beliefs – and these are not learned or taught – they are innate, core components of your being.

Examples of Characters and their Essential Nature

The terms used to describe your essential nature are words like the list below.

fter all, a lifetime of second guessing and proposing and then to actually KNOW – with certainty can pop any delusions or misconceptions.

can step forward and define your strengths and gifts as they exist now – not as something that might have set you apart back in your teens or earlier.

Fulfilled. S

The other big factor stopping us from following your passions are expectations. As we grow up, we start accumulating expectations of our family, friends and the society around us. We often look at the world from others lens. We are conscious of what we are expected to do and how we are expected to behave. Success has a narrow and rigid definition. We often end up living our life for others or as others expect of us. This is very limiting. You need to challenge this conditioning and live your own life. It is important to be conscious of one’s responsibilities towards others and to discharge them fully. However, in that process do not forget yourself. You need to have a balance between living your life and living it for others.

As things fell into place in my life, by my mid thirties, I was safely tucked away in suburbia. Three daughters under eight, a big house in need of hours of careful renovation, nice neighbours who were always willing to have a boozy afternoon bbq, and me quietly sinking into a feeling of desperation and loss. My life was turing out, as a bemused Thoreau put it, “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.”

Externally, I had everything in place, but internally I had plenty of work in front of me.

There was something missing. Along the way I had drifted away from my life purpose. Somehow being a writer and author and photographer and artist had morphed into being better on the tools, collecting those tools and lining up for bargains at the supa-centre.

Some things were going Really Good

On the one hand I had my small business powering along – I was fully engaged and connected nd loving what I did. I was even breaking through with a start up and seeing all the highs and lows of taking a brand from the very beginnning.
On the home front, I had three daughters! My wife and I were doing well, and my home was only five minutes by car or fifteen minutes walk from my house. I had a huge garden, backyard chickens, I was planting plenty of palms and tree ferns – things were really great.

Some Things Just Sucked

But on the other hand – I was working longer and longer hours – having a new business and an existing business and doing some consulting freelance meant I was stretched pretty much seven days a week.

I wasn’t healthy – I was nearly 20kgs (48lbs) overweight – I was still “giving up” smoking (for the eighth year running) and I was drinking way too much. I was drinking harmful and hazardous amounts of alcohol – to be clear – I was alcoholic – without a doubt. I’m not going to go into too much detail here, but my drinking had slowly crept up to number one priority in my life. And this had to change.

Making Change Didn’t Come Easily

Even though I was stuck, struggling with an addiction on multiple fronts, I didn’t know exactly how to make the break from old life to new life. So I needed to get total clarity around this and start taking responsibility. But that was never going to happen when I could barely string together two days alcohol free.

Long story short, I did not embrace an inner change, but instead surrendered and left it to an outside change.

I was living in a Pretty Prison, with Golden Handcuffs

From the outside, I was living and enviable lifestyle, but the aimlessness and lack of purpose of keeping up with the Joneses in suburbia meant I was deeply unhappy and unfulfilled. And this manifested in excessive drinking. I was hurting – and the pain showed in self abuse through writing myself off with drink.

My pretty prison was “fine” it was :”good enough” it was “OK” it was always being compared to others who were running a different race.

Breaking free started with me

My first step to breasking free was to stop drinking and face my final hangover – which by the way lasted around three months or so. I was tired to the point of exhaustion from late nights – poor sleep and never quite overcoing my sleep debt. So the first three months or so of sobriety for me was sleeping – Friday nights at 7pm – I would be crashed on the couch. Most weeknights – asleep early and – after a while – I began to wake up early in the morning and I came to recall how much I actually love the morning.

Becoming A Morning Person

In Suburbia, most of the nieghbours only get up early for work – I made 6am yoga class my routine. The early start gave me some time to focus on me and set an intention for the day.

Writing Morning Pages Works

Getting up at 5am means I have some quiet time to focus – and I started writing morning pages – as described by Julia Cameron. I’ve been writing these now for over 18 months and they make a remarkable difference – I can se whan I have and when I haven’t done my morning pages.

Becoming a Minimalist

Living in suburbia, it’s always about collecting more or and storing it – and for me one of the most powerful things I did was to de-clutter and strip everything back to the bare basics. Letting go of that obsession with getting stuff, or having it near you, is life changing.

I’m going to share more of this journey in upcoming blogposts, and I would really appreciate you to stay with me and keep on board. It’s also a great way to ghet to know me and see how good a fit we will make with each other.