Question

Should I worry if my baby likes her caregiver too much?

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My husband and I both work and we found a wonderful home daycare for our daughter (now 8 months old). We love the woman who runs it and so does our baby -- in fact, she seems much happier to see her caregiver in the morning than when we pick her up in the afternoon. I even feel jealous sometimes. What can I do to make sure our bond with our baby stays strong?

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Dear 'D'
I am in the same situation. I am the mom who feels miserable when our daughter prefers her grandmother over me. My mother-in-law watches our 2 year old daughter 5 days a week and lately when I pick her up she runs to my mother-in-law. It is heart breaking and I question if I am doing the right thing by working. So I know what your wife is going through. I think it may be harder to swallow since it is my husband's mom. My mother-in-law loves her so much but I can't help feeling the jealousy. My advise is to make the most of the time with our children. I try to do fun stuff on the weekends and try to take off days during the week. Hang in there--tell your wife she is not the only one experiencing this issue.

I am a caregiver. I have been in the business a long time. I have experienced this several times and I still feel bad when a child in my classroom won't go to his/her mother. Right now I have a 13 month old that literally cries and reaches (arching her back) for me. I think I feel worse than her mom does. She never says anything and sometimes teases her daughter about it saying things like "fine you can just go home with HER." teasing of course. But I fear that deep down somedays it hurts her feelings. If this only happened once in a while It would'nt matter but this is an everyday thing. Her mom is the most wonderful person I know and I hate the thought of hurting her feelings. So parents remember your caregiver could be just as uncomfortable about the situation as you are. Maybe discuss your feelings with each other to help cope, it could make you closer to the person your child loves so much and who loves your child. Because believe me we get just as attached as the babies do. there is'nt anything I would'nt do for this child except be her mother.

I actually had a really bad baby sitter for the first couple of months that I went back to work. I am in the military so I didnt have a choice. I switched providers and now my daughter cries and screams and kicks every time I go to pick her up, instead of when I drop her off. I am so much more relaxed and feel a million times better knowing she is more than properly cared for when I am not there. i welcome the idea of the strong bond between provider and child. Just know, it could be the opposite and that is WAY worse to deal with!!!

My son is 11 months old and just recently when I went to pick him up from his caregiver, he started to actually whine when I held my arms out for him and he crawled over to his caregiver instead of me. This broke my heart. I considered all of the consequences if I were to quit my job, but none seemed to work in my benefit. If I could stay home with him I would. Unfortunately, I do not have that option so I am forced to deal with this unpleasant situation. After reading other mother's experiences with the same thing I felt better knowing that I was not the only one dealing with a situation like this. I guess I should be thankful that he is with someone who cares deeply for him and he enjoys being there with her and her family while I am at work. I will try to keep that in mind the next time he does something like that. Hopefully it will not happen again. It is a very hard thing to swallow especially since he is my first child.

My mother watches our 18 mo. son while my wife and I work. Our son began getting a strong attachment to his grandmother around 6 months.
Now, he is to the point where he cries to get away from my wife in order to get to his grandmother. My wife is excellent with our son, but for some reason, when Grandma is around, he want's to have nothing to do with her.
Now my mother is staying with us for about 3 months and our son cries as soon as my wife gets home and his grandmother goes to the other room. We don't know what to do. We love that he has a strong bond to her, and we don't blame her whatsoever. But I can tell that it really breaks my wifes heart every time her baby cries to be with someone else. Any advise????

I am currrently going through the same thing as a full time attorney and mom. I just returned to work two months ago and have been having a hard time adjusting. My 7 month old seems to like our nanny a lot and at times it does make me jealous. But like everyone else has said, I would rather have her happy than crying a lot. I definitely have concerns that she will start to believe the nanny is her mommy and I have actually thought about going back home because I know I won't get this time back. But for now, I am still at work and try to soak in all the time with my daughter on the weekends- a lot of people don't understand why I won't let people babysit her yet (on the weekends), but I feel this is my time. It's all I have for now. My mother friends have told me that she will always know who her mother is, but it's hard to believe when she spends 10 hours a day with another woman. I am torn and glad to read the other comments, but I just have to trust that with all the love I have to give to my daughter, she will not call the nanny "mama" first. That would really break my heart. It's hard and I understand what you are going through. Hang in there!

I am also experiencing the problem. My mother-in-law looks after my son who is 16 months while I am at work 5 days a week from 9 in the morning to 7 at night. He would keep going to her room to see her even after I am home from work, which upsets me. There are also times when it is taking a little long for me to try to comfort him when he is upset or mad, my mother-in-law would come and try to take over. I know she means well, but it really hurts my feelings. The worst thing is that the Chinese word for grandma is "Ah-ma" so she has him call her "mama" because it is easier for him to say. This really bugs me. I try to emphasize the "Ah" but I still hear him call her "mama". Sometimes I also get the feeling that she is competing with me to see who taught my son new skills or words. I tried to talk to my husband about all of these things that bug me, but he just thinks I am crazy. I am glad that I can vent here.

I really appreciate reading all of your posts. You made me feel a lot better. My son is 13 months and started at a small day care a couple of months ago. He used to cry when I dropped him off until last week when he suddenly switched to crying when I pick him up. While I agree that it's reassuring to know that he loves his caregivers, it's very hard not to take it personally. It feels like being told you're a bad mother and it's even worse having his caregiver watch and try to smooth it over. Then again, the comparison to taking away a favorite toy is helpful. My son will cry the same way when I take something from him (like my laptop!). He will also make friends with random people in stores and sometimes cry when we have to leave. It's clearly not because he has a strong attachment to them, but because I interrupted what he was doing.

It was truly hard for me to go back to work. I cried the whole week before I went back. The first day back my eyes were swollen from crying so hard.
I found a daycare that my son pushes me out the door. My mommy instinct first went to hurt feelings, but rationally I thought "How great is this??? I can walk away not feeling guilty that I can't be with him 24/7. I can walk away knowing that he's not scared, not crying because I'm leaving." He's like that with his grandparents as well and how much easier it is for my husband and i to go out for a date. Remember Mommies are always the mommy. NOTHING replaces that. So be at peace that your child is comfortable and happy with another caregiver. They are HAPPY. It's a good thing. You all did good finding someone your child cares for and adores and can feel safe with while you are away from them.
They say it takes a village to raise a child...and this is it moms!

I have a 5 month old, my husband and I both work, and I HATE IT!!! I feel so depressed that I cannot spend all day with my son. By the time I get home, he is cranky and wants to eat and go to sleep so I really don't have any time to spend with him in the evenings. A lot of times when I pick him up from daycare, the provider is changing his diaper and laughing with him or feeding him a bottle and the provider seems to not let me see him or let me hold him. It's kind of wierd. I may have to say something to her if it continues. I feel like as soon as I get there, if she's feeding him a bottle, I want to take over - not just stand there and watch her. And if she's changing his diaper and laughing with him, don't ignore me and keep laughing with him when I walk in the door - let me see him immediately and let him get excited to see me!! It's so hard. I am constantly working different options out in my head like changing jobs and working a 3 - 11 shift and my husband work 6 am - 2:30 pm but it's hard to find someone to watch our baby for a short amount of time at a reasonable price. Most good daycares want a full time infant. Uggghh! It is comforting to read these comments, though. At least I know I am not alone.

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