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A close relative of ours came to our home with his family to invite us for his daughter's wedding. In the course of our conversation, he revealed how his sister and brother are not participating in the wedding. The reason he said was they sided the opposition in a property dispute and betrayed him. There was a lot of hurt in his eyes as he was the one who had supported them through out all these years.

My question: How do you handle such betrayal?Here are some tips:

You need to protect your interest so that you are not cheated

You need to voice your feelings of hurt to the ones who betrayed you

You need to forget and forgive them, more for your well being than theirs;Such an act has therapeutic effect on you

Maintain distance with them more to protect yourself and your family

Move on with life. Make new connections and mingle with people who can reciprocate your trust

Continue to help the ones who betrayed you as before; this may sound crazy but I think we need to keep our end of the equation right

Teach your children the lesson you learnt

never gossip about the ones who betrayed you

Pray for the well being of the ones who betrayed you

I think you do this and you will keep your heart and mind clean, free from the toxic effects of anger, self-pity, and hatred.

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Each of these quadrants need to have a name to apply this powerful concept on a day to day basis. I have named them using the greek alphabets. These names will serve as a short cut to classify your activities in to the quadrants.

The names of all the four choice goal quadrants are given below:

Activities chosen by you, on your own and they are aligned to your goals: 5α

Activities chosen by others/chance and they are aligned to your goals: 5β

Activities chosen by others and they are NOT aligned to your goals: 5γ

Activities chosen byyou, on your own and they are NOT aligned to your goals:5δ

What is 5α?Definition:It is a "unit of activity" done in 5 minutes that will take you to your goals and these have been chosen by you, on your own. Hence the number "5 "denotes to five minutes of any activity that can be suffixed with either α,β,γ, or δ depending on the nature of the activity, as explained above.The more you pack your day with 5α activities, the quicker you will reach your goals. It is not possible to avoid 5β activities as we live in an interdependent and collaborative world. However, these activities take you to your goals, anyway, and they need to be included. These activities also build relationships with others when you deliver what you promise to them.

The danger is in the activities 5γ and 5δ as they are no way connected to your goals. The more you pack your minutes with these activities, the more the danger of missing your goals completely.

Look at the picture and you will see different bands of activities over the period of your waking hours, which may be 16-18 hours.

what is the percentage distribution of the various activities? Does your band for today or yesterday resemble the first band or the 4Th band or any of the bands in between.

Draw your band for yesterday or today. How does it look? Are you happy? Are you in control?

Asking these questions and taking remedial steps will have profound impact on the way you live your life! Use this tool regularly!Do share your experience here.

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We need to know how to set up virtuous cycles of recurring actions that get automated by installing them as habits.

The more virtuous cycles we have, the easier and productive our lives will be.

It is very easy to set up these cycles and I will show you how to set one up.

Study the picture before you read further.

Here is the cyclical process you need to follow:

Develop an inventory of focus areas where you would like to set up a virtuous cycle of action-Example-exercise, balancing your check book, filing your tax returns, saving money, hobby cycle-photography, ---

Chose one to focus upon and set a cycle

Visualize all the fun and benefits you will have if you regularly act on the focus area and set the overall goal to be accomplished regularly

Visualize all the fun, benefits you will miss and the negative consequences, if any, that will follow, if you do not act upon this focus area

Decide to enhance the value you place on this activity by keeping this focus area in your awareness, frequently. The frequency will depend on the nature of the activity

Break the activity into 5 to 10 minutes chunks and set milestones and sub-goals; Go for these chunks

Sequence these 5 to 10 minutes chunks ,appropriately and logically

Determine the resources required to accomplish the activity and realign the environment in which the activity takes place in a manner that the resources required for the activity is easily accessible.

Frequently visualize the negative consequences first and then the positiveconsequences, to inspire yourself to act

Act and accomplish the results that were preset for this focus area

Monitor the resources constantly so that these resources are available for you, when you need them, to feed the action cycle

Stop the process and move on to set up another virtuous cycle, once the current one has become a habit

Try this and change your life for good one virtuous cycle at a time.

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Blog Disclaimer

Lifetime Learning is a record of my day-to-day, real-time learning. It is also, a record of my various experiments to be more productive, more successful, more caring and more contributing in all areas of my life.

While the concepts and ideas recorded here can be universally applied by anyone, the reader needs to use his discretion and apply these ideas based on his judgment of how appropriate and fit they are to his context and situation.

Occasionally there may be a mention of a certain skill, technique or approach which has been drawn from my professional training, please use them only if you have undergone a similar professional training yourself.