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Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Apparently, there was a football game over the weekend. Or something. And while I care slightly less about football than I do about squirrel husbandry, I figured now would be a good time to talk to you about protection.

Er, of your heads, I mean. Not my squirrels' nuts. (Those are in the shed. Next to the zippers.)

So...helmets! For your heads! Except the cake ones, of course, which are for your mouth!

It's actually really hard to make a cake that looks like a helmet. There are all the doodads and thingamajigs and whoosywhatsits, and if you're not careful it just looks like a heap a' flimflam jibber jabber!

(Wow. I just turned into my grandfather)

First, let's have Mr. Floopers model a real football helmet for us:

"I hate you."

See? It's simple. Just wrap your cat in a towel, and you can get almost anything on his head.

Oh, and the helmet is pretty easy, too.

In fact, when you break it down artistically, you can see that it's really just a big tombstone with a snail on it:

RIP, Ravens.

Or a one-tentacled jellyfish:

Make sure your helmets are well-rounded, though.

"Comb the dessert!"

A well-executed cupcake cake (hooy-patooty!) is great for crushing the other team's spirit.

I think the Razorbacks helmet, despite being a CCC (ptooey!), actually doesn't look that bad. I might have recognized it as a helmet without the Razorback emblem (ok, probably not, but then I'm not a football fan). Love the Dana Carvey reference!

I just realized how I haven't heard that in so long, at least since I started buying only pre-chopped frozen broccoli and stopped singing it to myself! :P I don't remember why Dana Carvey sang it on SNL, but I can still see him doing it. Where IS that guy lately, anyway?

OMG, these are sooo bad. And I got all the references. Own Space Balls and now will have that friggin song in my head all day... I'll go to the cafeteria and when asked what would I like, I'll have to stop myeself from answering broccoli.

I'm offended by what was done to that poor cat. At least I would be, except for two factors: a.) laughing too hard and b.) not being offended.

Wreck #1: How does one get a helmet out of that? It must be like one of those optical illusion things where one either sees a helmet or a tombstone with a snail, and which the person sees first determines how big the therapy bill is going to be (bigger for the helmet).

W2: I like how the flotsam logo completely saves this CCC (pbhhht!) from being a wreck. Or not.

W3: If helmets really did have side impact cushions, how much safer (and funnier) football would be.

W4: Are / were those cinnamon rolls? Decorating those should also be illegal.

W5: Okay...

W6: The Wally-world mascot has just about had it with all the flack the company has been getting here.

W7: A wreckerator's interpretation of the Mr. Floopers picture.

W8: Someone got a great deal on cake globes -- check out the 'snowperson' to the right. How does one even make a cake globe? Wouldn't the center be a disgusting mass of raw... never mind.

People, put down the spatula and back away from the kitchen. You are NOT qualified. Buyers should have their shopper cards revoked. These are just wrong although worth the "choopin' brocolllay" comment!

Although when I got to "Chopping Broccoli" I started laughing so hard I snorted chicken soup. Which actually looked better than most of these cakes. Hurt less than looking at the cakes though. So win-win!

Poor Mr Floopers. Either that is one HUGE cat, or the helmet would fit a newborn?

ROFL!!! Totally laughed out loud at the "Comb the desert"!! Love a good Spaceballs reference - had t obe more, after the title. Have to admit in a cartoonish way, I liked the cookie helmeted guys. At least there was a positive ID.

I must be the only one in the dark on broccoli and Dana Carvey. Oh well, my education is sorely lacking without a television in the house.

Awesome, Fluffy Cow. I had the same word twist. Ah, these evil minded CW posts... always messing with my head.

The snowman head looks mildly angry at being in the same area as Peeping Tom. Not a bad helmet, but I have theimage of an astronaut's helmet, not one for football. Yes... outer space -- we should keep Peeping Tom where he belongs.

#3 and #6 since one normally doesn't decorate cookies, and most of these giant cookies are decorated horrendously, can we pass a law that "thou shalt not ice a cookie"? And use these as models?

#4 is a Rorschach test. I'm seeing a yelling face, arms reaching out zombie-like and one heck of a strange hat/hairdo!

#5 Should I be grateful that I can actually recognize what these are supposed to be? Eye-poppingly shocking!

#7 it's sad when this is the best of the bunch

#8 Well, it's a recognizable helmet. And the design can be used to make snowmen heads. And by using a photo, it solves the whole some-staff-can't-draw-a-face challenge. Strikes me that this is a clever solution. But I wonder what they did with the chunk choopped out?

Good heavenly-days! I knew what the theme o' the post was but I still could not figure out what some of those were supposed to be, so very artistic were those reimaginings of "helmet". Or it might have been the tears of laughter clouding my vision, starting with Mr. Floopers' remark (and the insinuation of putting OTHER things on his head). So many references to so many things - nerd-vana! This is my BAD thanks to you. (and I still want to know about that Viking/dragonfly/flower cake from Sunday!)

As a football lover I wonder WHO on God's green earth buys these? Or makes them for that matter! And can I just say, I didn't know it was possible for my like for you to grow until you pulled out that Dana Carvey reference and I knew you will always hold a special place in my heart. *Grin*

beaticSucre, a beautiful bakery and confectionery here in New Orleans makes phenomenal helmet cakes. I have seen them in person and they are gorgeous. http://www.shopsucre.com/sweettalk/sucre-cheers-on-the-saints-with-helmet-cakes

Thanks for putting that song in my head, all day, on repeat! :D I guess he calls it "The Lady I Know." I call it "Choppin' Broccoli." I don't know why it's funny, but it is! I found the Dana Carvey SNL skit here, though, for those who wonder, or just want to see again:

The Mr. Floopers pic -- with caption -- should be a poster. And a t-shirt. And a cake. Ok, maybe not a cake. Who questions the name of the cat? What else could his name possibly be; have you ever seen a more flooperish cat?

I like that "fan of the opposing team" comment, @Aliza. I also support a ban on decorating cookies. And anything else that isn't cake. Ok, frosted brownies do rule. But just frosting -- no writing, flotsam, swimming 'balloons', etc.

What became of the missing globe piece. I would have said, "decorator's bonus" but @Anonymous Becky nailed it: 'watermelon' slice.

If cats have a favorite team (seems like contact sports would be beneath them with all that dirt & sweat), wouldn't it be the Tigers?

I've squinted, turned my head, flipped the laptop around, and thought of taking an extra dose of my meds...but I don't think it would help. How do these look like helmets???

(squirrel nut zippers- freakin' awesome)

I completely love Frank, Fluffy Cow, Craig, and Isolder74 (ST:TNG FTW), in addition to Jen & John!!! (don't worry, I don't stalk- I just ardently admire from an appropriate distance as defined by the court system)

Now, on to watch the Dana Carvey skit. I love this website- screw Word of the Day like most sites- we get Song of the Day here!!

Thank you for the very appropriate Dana Carvey as Derek Stevens broccoli reference! That's one of my all-time favorite SNL sketches. The abstract yellow cake looks like a smiley face by Picasso... Do you think your kitty's expression could be at least partially in response to the hideous cakes you expose him to on a daily basis? I think Mr. Floopers should file for restitution.

Aww cute cat. I sure hope the cat didn't get revenge after the helmet came off lol. Now if I were to receive any of those cakes I would promptly chase the bakers with a helmet just to show them what the heck they didn't put on these cakes. Ugh scary.

Good grief. I live in the heart of Patriots'-Land, am an actual Patriots' fan, and I wouldn't fork over $3.95, much less $39.95 for that Tom Brady helmet cake (is that what it is? really?)! That's awful. Please tell me that was for sale in Jets-Land... pretty please with buttercream on it?

Every time I think you have posted the most ghastly cake ever made, why, I discover soon after that I was wrong. There is a limitless supply out there, limitless. Did you know this when you first started this blog?

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