Divine Truths of Autumn Sunrise

Coffee Thoughts – 9/26/08

The 48 hours have been exceded, and I’m still waiting for word from the doctor. Took the right medicine to work yesterday, but also made an executive decision not to wear a bra. I figure with the tank top, the Oxford, and the apron on top, no one would notice, and I’d not suffer. I was right – no one noticed. The medicine and lack of bra helped, but not 100%. Fortunately, we had someone scheduled to come in and give us breaks at five o’clock, but no one wanted breaks, so he’d have driven to work for nothing. I asked if he’d be interested in finishing my shift, and he was delighted — and the manager was very understanding and allowed it with no problem. Came home, took pills, passed out. Same as yesterday, woke at about ten, took another dose, passed back out and didn’t wake up ’til 8:30 this morning. At least I’m sleeping these days, which is more than I can say for what August and the first half of September offered.

I’ve a friend at work I’ve mentioned more than once – the girl who is helping me get business off the ground. I do believe I’ll call her Sorscha from this point forward. She and I were talking in the break room yesterday, and she’s the one person I feel really close to that I can go “shields down” in front of. We were talking about how I’m managing and I was really making a joke out of my situation – that I haven’t managed to go to the store and we’re out of everything. I made the joke that the kids were using shampoo as body wash. When I left work that afternoon, there was a card stuck in the steering wheel of the jeep that read, “Who loves ya?!”, and in the passenger seat was a grocery bag with shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and hair spray. I cried – but it was a combination cry – the kind that makes you feel like shit for not being able to provide what needs to be provided when it’s needed, coupled with the kind that just squeezes your heart because you know you have genuinely good friends who care. It’s not so much that I couldn’t afford to provide as much as it is that I just haven’t felt like I could go anywhere.

I cancelled all of today’s tarot readings. Even if I could have driven from place to place, or had a central location to do readings from (which Indigo offered when she read of my situation), doing readings takes a lot of personal energy; it is a “psychic connection” even though I’m using the cards as a tool, and I just don’t feel I’ve got that extra personal energy to share today. Everyone was very understanding and told me to let them know when I’m feeling better and they’d reschedule.

Baby girl showed me a science project when I got home last night. Her assignment was to make a model of an atom. She used aluminum foil, glitter-painted buttons, weed-wacker wire, and a hot glue gun. Her results were stunning! She didn’t ask for help from anyone and worked diligently on it for days. I’m so proud of her. She sure does take her education seriously and she’s adjusting marvelously to high school.

Rhythm came into my room after I’d settled in bed, sat on the edge and asked, “How ya feelin?”

“Like ass,” was my reply, but I grinned and thumped his leg when I said it. He then proceded to tell me how much money he’s earning for college by maintaining a 3.7 grade average or higher. Our schools have a system now that each quarter that has a 3.7 or higher gpa, the student receives scholarship funds – and the higher the gpa, the more funds they receive. Furthermore, that scholarship duplicates each year of college, so if he earns $2,000 in scholarship funds, he’ll receive $2,000 for each year of college. Being a Junior this year, he’s quite focused on his formal education — and on his dreams of studying abroad in Japan. He’ll do it, too — I know he will.

I’m in a strange place today. My mind doesn’t feel like studying. I’ve got all these books here and until now have had such a desire to drink them down, but my head just doesn’t feel like doing it today. It’s not because of pain, I just feel a block, like the universe is saying, “Not now, kid. Not now.” I also don’t feel like playing SIMS2, which is totally out of character for me. I’m a SIMS2 addict. I’ve got three numerology reports to do, and five tarot readings to transcribe, but I’m just not in it today. I suppose it’s meant to be a day of rest.

Will do the daily dose and see how I feel when it’s done. I’ve not taken any meds yet, so I’m thinking perhaps when the cards are on the table, I’ll medicate and go back to bed. *shrugs*