Plowman/Daniells Poetry: Ode to a Bedpan

The following poem, undated and not attributed, was found among the poetry of the Plowmans and Daniells. It was probably written by one of the five Daniells sisters, granddaughters of Dora Plowman. Each of the sisters had a wonderful sense of humor — sometimes outrageous — , so the poem could have been written by any of them.

Ode to a Bedpan

While recovering from an illness, I was very much annoyed,

For the toilet was denied me and a bedpan was employed.

I much preferred a thunder-mug, but nurse just shook her head;

“You’re far too weak,” she sternly said, “to be getting out of bed.”

~~~~~

My experience with the bedpan, to this day doth make me quail,

And I’ve been prevailed upon to write this harrowing tale.

In the wee small hours of morn, before the break of day

Came a yearning I could not ignore, nor very long delay.

~~~~~

The nurse brought me a bedpan, slipped it under my back-side,

While the chills ran up and down my spine as the cold thing touched my hide.

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6 Responses to Plowman/Daniells Poetry: Ode to a Bedpan

I just discoverd this post and would like to let you know that I actually wrote this poem. The original is a little different than your version. I wrote this 56 years ago while a patient in the maternity ward (I am now 92). I believe that my obstetrician submitted it to an interactive service he belonged to and that is how it “leaked out.” What a coincidence! My original appears below:

While recovering from an illness
I was terribly annoyed
For the bathroom was denied me
And a bedpan was employed.

I argued for a thunder mug
But I was told instead
That under no condition
Could I get out of bed.

What I said about that bedpan
Could have landed me in jail
And the agonies I suffered
Prompted me to write this tale.

Twas in the early hours of morning
Just before the bread of day
Came a warning so insistent
That I dare not disobey.

My nurse brought me a bedpan
And it cannot be denied
That chills began to seize me
When the vessel touched my side.

Upside down I struggled
For the beverage wasn’t there.
But with a mighty effort
I expelled a bit of air.

Trouble new had just begun
And I was filled with dread.
I wasn’t sure I’d hit the pan
Or piled it on the bed.

Racked with fear and trembling
I slowly raised my gown
And glimpsed upon the sheeting
A horrid spot of brown.

The laws of gravitation
Demonstrated sure as fate
That you cannot stand upon your head
When you evacuate.

Another problem now arose
As I was soon to find
For how could I negotiate
To wipe the place behind.

My neck was nearly broken
As I balanced on my head.
I made a few wild passes
And fell weakly on the bed.

Twas then I voiced a fervent plea
As one in anguish can
For someone to improve upon
That medieval pan.

It seems to me what would suffice
Is neither pan nor diaper
But a back-adjusting thunder mug
With an automatic wiper.

Wow! What an unexpected surprise to receive your comment on my blog. As was stated in the blog, the Ode to a Bedpan was found with many family poems written by mother and her 4 sisters as well as several generations of their ancestors. It was very similar to the poems that they wrote. Most Christmas presents were accompanied by poetry. All 5 sisters are gone now so we have no way of checking where the poem came from but we never doubted that one of them had written it. We have had a number of discussions about who wrote it with different family members favoring one sister or another.

Now, I am curious as to how they came upon the poem. What hospital where you in when the poem was “leaked?

I have added your comment to my blog. This has been a very popular listing. Every once in a while someone discovers it and shares it with friends and I see a flurry of hits. Now you will get credit for it.

Thanks for your comment. I hope to hear from you again to solve the mystery of how our family came across this “masterpiece”.

My 96 yr old father told me today about this poem. He had a copy of it in his drawer as a kid. When he couldn’t find it one day, his mother said she had thrown it out. I found it for him online today, but I can’t print it. He really wants to have it again. And I want to tell him about the original author. Is it not printable, or am I doing something wrong??

Both the original and the updated version of the poem are there for you to copy. All you have to do is HIGHLIGHT what you want to copy. Press the Copy button. Open a blank Word document then press the Paste button. I’m guessing you may have forgotten to highlight the poem before trying to copy and paste. Hope it helps.

Hi Rose, I have just found this “ode”, after thinking on it for some years. I want to say that as a Nurse of over 40 years, i think it wonderful. I first came across it in the 70’s from a patient’s get well card. We (nurses) passed it around and all had a great laugh and thought it extremely accurate. What a pity it is not still in circulation for other patients to enjoy. It definitely lifted their spirits. Well done and a belated thank you. From the nurses. Julie (Australia)