1.) I'm less happy about the friend of a friend who asked for a second date, seemed very keen in conversation, and then ignored the subsequent messages in which I tried to confirm a day and time. If you are not interested any longer, just say. I will not be offended. I will be more offended by being ignored. It isn't a pleasant feeling.
2.) The auxiliary cat is here. He is ensconced in the bathroom. He hisses and flattens his ears when I go near. That is a bit offputting when you're trying to use the loo. My existing cat is quite relaxed. I'm not sure she's realised there is another animal here, as she is not famous for her great powers of thought. Earlier on she heard the newcomer using his litter tray, so she dashed off to her own tray, as if to check there were no intruders there.
3.) My attempts not to bite off more than I can chew were successful for all of three months. Once again I'm swamped with things. Still, three months is a better break than anything I've managed before.
4.) I started seeing a therapist this week. She frustrated me by expressing surprise that someone with autism would work in this field. I always feel as if I need to justify myself or demonstrate my skills when people say that. Then again, I have come to therapy partly to help me challenge my feelings of inadequacy, so by telling her that I felt she was casting doubt on my capabilities I did get to the heart of the issue. Perhaps it will help.
5.) I need to be up ridiculously early tomorrow and I'm not in the mood.

"Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
"Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
Piglet was comforted by this.
- A.A. Milne.

1. Despite my best efforts to start the year with clarity, peace and stability, life had other plans for me. Although not as terrible as last year, I found myself feeling quite sad and I couldn't identify why when generally most things in my life had been going well.

2. The one thing that did come to mind was my unstable and uncertain relationship which after 4 years of ups and downs still seems to be growing in the same direction. No matter what I do or how hard I try to manage this, things just keep happening making the situation/problems worse. I wouldn't mind so much if some things were resolved at the same time but this is not the case. My choices are to either take full control regardless of the impact this may have or to continue 'go with the flow' which has really been getting on my nerves! I just want a simple life...

3. I'm also investing more time in to thinking about buying a house, looking around and arranging some viewings in the near future. This is of course a distraction but a useful one.

4. I am not sleeping very well. I am waking up 2-3 times a night for no reason. I am hoping going back to the gym this week will resolve this issue.

1. The waiting regarding DClin is making me feel on edge already.
2. Feeling in a stronger position this year in terms of my application... so we will see!
3. I have plan B
4. Is it normal to want to eat beans on toast this much!?
5. The radiators in this office are on so high I feel like I'm abroad... I'm not complaining though!

1.) I have a really great bunch of MSc students this year. I look forward to our seminars because I know I'm certain to learn something interesting myself, and I'm excited about reading my supervisees' dissertations - they have come up with fascinating ideas, and one is considering developing hers into a PhD. I really hope she does. I want to see what she finds.
2.) I am in psychoanalytic psychotherapy, as recommended by the course I'm doing with the Tavi. I'm not sure what to make of it so far. The therapist said sagely that she thinks "some anger will come out" in our sessions. Personally I wouldn't tell a client what I expected to see from them in such a direct way, in case they felt pigeon-holed, or they obligingly tried to produce the reactions they thought I wanted. (My reaction is the opposite - now I feel a perverse urge to amble into her consulting room like a friendly sloth and maintain the demeanour throughout!)
3.) It's bucketing down with rain, but I have nothing in for tea and I need to go shopping. I'm also running low on cat food, which the furry stomach on legs won't thank me for. I will lure myself out with the temptation of hot chocolate.
4.) I miss playing cello. I don't have time for lessons at the moment and I split my week between two different towns, so I can't even practise daily.
5.) A good friend is coming from America to stay for a week. She gets picturesque snowy winters where she lives. By comparison, England in February isn't the most attractive thing, and I hope she won't be disappointed. Her requirements are fairly modest (to see a castle). She hasn't asked to do anything else special. At least that should be indoorsy enough. Now to locate a castle.

"Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
"Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
Piglet was comforted by this.
- A.A. Milne.

1. Revision time for a CPD thing I'm doing this year has eaten my life. Cannot wait until this thing is over. NEVER AGAIN!
2. I ate eggs for breakfast and my goodness, they really do keep you full for longer. Felt brim full for ages.
3. Bought lots of lovely second hand bits on Ebay this weekend and looking forward to delivery days.
4. Sadly accepted that a friendship that was sorely tested last year is not right for me anymore, even if it did show signs of being revivable. Always sad to say goodbye to things like that, but getting more pragmatic about keeping only the right things/people in my life.
5. Loving Pinterest at the moment. So much fun finding things that cost nothing and bring pleasure.

1. I have been very busy recently, and my sleep is all out of sync. I need some time to rest and rejuvenate, eat clean, exercise and to catch up on all those appointments that are waiting for a gap (dentist, asthma nurse, flu jab, and ideally a physio massage). I am very much looking forward to our mini-break next week, but a lot to get done before we go, and family visiting on the weekend.
2. I want to declutter our house a bit, and start to tackle the stuff we have in storage in the garage since we moved. I like the KonMari questions "does this spark joy?" and "is this part of the future I want?" as a way of breaking the "is it possible I might need this in the future?" or even worse "shouldn't I make sure I get my money's worth out of this now I have it?" ways of thinking that stop me parting from things.
3. I am enjoying doing a pottery class. I melted some glass into pieces I was glazing last week, and I am really quite pleased with the results.
4. I didn't get the big grant I applied for. However, my cup is still half full as I got a smaller grant, and I have also signed up some new customers, so I still feel like the business is progressing.
5. We must get on with doing our house extension and repairs this year. We've spent 2.5 years trying to get planning permission for various designs, but I'm now at the point where I think we will probably build the design that had planning when we bought the house. I just want to get something done, and I'm sure however we build the structure we can tweak the finishes and interior design to be something we enjoy.

1. Because of the time difference, I have developed an unhealthy habit of waking up at 2am and checking application status. I need to stop, but I can't.

2. Last night I dreamt IOPPN offered me an interview and I woke up thinking this was real.

3. I hate how much this process is dictating conscious thought right now. Had to spend 400 on return flights to my interview at UEA next month. That hurt, but it's worth it of course...

4. Preparing for interviews by reading various government NHS reports. I thought this would be quite dry and uninspiring reading but I'm actually enjoying it.

5. Finishing up a manuscript I'm working on. I'm finding the back and forth between my supervisor quite tiring and needing to quash feelings of impatience in wanting to submit. He's been wonderful though.

1. The frustration of being unsuccessful in my application to Essex (despite getting to interview last year, being unsuccessful, and subsequently getting yet another years varied relevant experience) is almost overwhelming. I'm unsure how better fitting the selection criteria can make me more unsuccessful in this process than last year.

2. My life is not at all as I had hoped it would be in my late twenties; I am still unqualified, poor, and pretty much in the same state of uncertainty I was when I graduated. Which sucks.

3. My current supervisor is awesome. She wants me to do well and wants to help me progress.. My fellow Assistant colleague is awfully confident and taunts me by saying he'll be successful his first time applying as he's so lucky and walked into his Assistant job with no experience - when it's unlikely I will be successful this time (second attempt).

4. My personal life is perfectly content right now.

5. How many more years am I willing to put into applying for the DClinPsy? It's hard living and running a home on basic Assistant salary and I'd like to have a house and a family in the near(ish) future. When there's no guarantee I'll ever get on the course, how much longer do I try before I need a Plan B?

Yes, my thoughts are dominated by this process and my career. Boring, I know!

My fellow Assistant colleague is awfully confident and taunts me by saying he'll be successful his first time applying as he's so lucky and walked into his Assistant job with no experience - when it's unlikely I will be successful this time (second attempt).

It sounds like the kind of hubris that comes before a fall to me.

It also sounds like your cup is at least half full, so you maybe need to refocus on that, and stop giving so much energy to trying to accelerate towards the horizon as fast as possible and make the most of where you are.

1. I'm tired.
2. I should get back to the gym.
3. Chocolate brownies, yum.
4. Why do so many things involve so much paperwork?
5. Time for bed.

Maven.

Wise men talk because they have something to say, fools because they have to say something - Plato
The fool thinks himself to be wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool - Shakespeare

My fellow Assistant colleague is awfully confident and taunts me by saying he'll be successful his first time applying as he's so lucky and walked into his Assistant job with no experience - when it's unlikely I will be successful this time (second attempt).

It sounds like the kind of hubris that comes before a fall to me.

Agreed! I had to deal with someone like that once who I overheard laughing about me to someone about how low down on a reserve list I was... despite that I had 3 interviews and 2 reserve lists for places, and he didn't even get an interview. Just focus on you. They'll get nowhere with that attitude.

1. Gotta get this essay done
2. Clearly working little & often is the way to go now instead of my lots & often
3. I really hope the GP approves my meds request and the pharmacy contacts me soon
4. Actually looking forward to catching up on the studying I've gotten behind with because of this blooming essay
5. Nervous about court on Monday... I'm a witness... really hope they send that b*****d down.

Agreed! I had to deal with someone like that once who I overheard laughing about me to someone about how low down on a reserve list I was... despite that I had 3 interviews and 2 reserve lists for places, and he didn't even get an interview. Just focus on you. They'll get nowhere with that attitude.

You've reminded me of someone in my maths class in my final year of secondary school who kept showing off and was so cocky that he was the cleverest person ever and way smarter than me. He bet me £1 he'd beat me by a grade or more, and kept going on and on about it. Until the point he got a D and I got an A. Then he was surprisingly quiet. I never did get my pound.

1. The kids sorted out their clothes and toys and we just dropped off four black bin bags to a charity shop. This is particularly good as they have grown out of minions!
2. I've been very tired this weekend, so I haven't done much else that is constructive. I had a lie in and I could still quite happily have a nap now.
3. I am enjoying my pottery class, and I'm currently experimenting with putting broken glass on with the glaze.
4. I should be sowing seeds for this year's veg. My friend already has 2 inch seedlings ready to pot on.
5. I love real log fires. They really make the room cosy.

You've reminded me of someone in my maths class in my final year of secondary school who kept showing off and was so cocky that he was the cleverest person ever and way smarter than me. He bet me £1 he'd beat me by a grade or more, and kept going on and on about it. Until the point he got a D and I got an A. Then he was surprisingly quiet. I never did get my pound.

1. I'm really struggling with maintaining present in the moment and keeping my wellbeing balanced during this years DClinPsy application
2. I haven't heard from any of the universities I applied to and it's making me feel a little on edge
3. At least my dress today is making me feel all spring like and the sun is shining
4. I slept so well last night for the first time in a while
5. I can relate to the people being cocky about their application and it's just not needed. Someone I know said they would get on first time because they have a first class degree. It's just not helpful. I've been trying to reflect on my own experiences and to keep focused on my values of why I've decided to apply.

You've reminded me of someone in my maths class in my final year of secondary school who kept showing off and was so cocky that he was the cleverest person ever and way smarter than me. He bet me £1 he'd beat me by a grade or more, and kept going on and on about it. Until the point he got a D and I got an A. Then he was surprisingly quiet. I never did get my pound.

Find him, and claim interest plus inflation.

I know where he is. He's CFO of a large company, and I'm sure very well off! However I decided at the time not to claim it. It was clear I was victorious, I didn't need his pound