A new code of police ethics? Sign me off until next March

Hurrah for the auto-parodic new code of police ethics, which advises coppers that they need to obey the law and not tell lies, or turn up at work on illegal drugs and whatnot.

If only they’d known, they’d have been spared so many honest mistakes and senior Tories wouldn’t have had their adorable innocence about the police ripped from them several decades after most other people in the country had cottoned on.

Still, that doesn’t mean the Police Federation is happy about it – in fact, an estimated 16% of the country’s police officers will be signed off until next March suffering from pique.

One local police force chairman is claiming that the police already have their own code of ethics, despite Theresa May saying they haven’t – although, maddeningly, he has failed to produce the document.

Still, it shouldn’t be too difficult for us to codify here, as a reminder of the practices that have led to this edifying historic moment in police legitimacy.