Quit Planning and Start Loving

When it comes to many things in my life, I’m a planner. I can’t move forward unless I have a detailed outline. For other things, I’m flying by the seat of my pants and couldn’t care less how I get from beginning to end.

It’s a paradox that drives my husband crazy, but works for me. One thing I truly believe you cannot plan is who you fall in love with and how it happens. Despite my pessimism in many things, love is one thing I continue to believe all people can find if they open themselves up to going with the flow instead of mapping it out.

I don’t agree with the idea that you have to date someone who meets a certain criteria. Sure you need standards, but don’t make your standards so rigid that no one can fit. If your perfect guy must be 6 feet tall, make $100,000 a year, and drive a luxury car before you date him, then you’re limiting your dating pool, and I’d suspect you’re spending more time on Twitter on Saturday nights than enjoying a bottle of wine with your dream man.

Stop planning and just have some fun. If you’re single and a guy asks you out, go on the date! Even if he isn’t taller than an NBA star and banking money like one. Instead of looking for a guy a specific height, look for a guy as tall as or taller than you. Unless you’re regularly in circles with men who make six figures, just opt for a man with a job. And even if you’re in circles with men making six figures, don’t turn up your nose at one who doesn’t. Ladies, we’ve all appreciated a man in a cop uniform, construction worker with no shirt, or the UPS guy in those delightful shorts. Not many men in those jobs make a ton of money, but hey they’re working. And instead of looking for a man with a Bentley, go for one with a stable means of transportation, and yes because I’m a “greenie” a bicycle counts—if you live in a bike-friendly city.

What do you stand to lose going out with someone who doesn’t fit a perfect guy list? The heroine in my novel, You Can’t Plan Love, tries to plan her love life with almost disastrous consequences. While I hope none of you ever end up in that situation, I do hope that the idea in my book of not trying to plan your love life comes through.

While some standards should remain–honesty, integrity, respect, and admiration–superficial standards should come down. Open yourself to meeting new people, trying new things and dating someone even if they don’t live in: (insert singing voice from The Jeffersons) a deluxe apartment in the sky.

Wonderful advice, Synthia. As romance writers, we can plan how our hero/heroine meets, but to them, it’s completely accidental, so we have the best of both worlds. Best of luck with You Can’t Plan Love. Looks like a fun read.

So true Synithia! I thought I was 1. Never going to get married and 2. In the slight chance that I was going to get married, marry someone that looked like Idris: tall, dark (I mean DARK), exotic, with locs down his back.

Here I am, three kids later, married to a 5’8″ German/Italian man with straight hair. I would have NEVER planned it this way! So funny how life works! Great post!

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