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Amateur Time Lord
Anything you say will be distorted and remixed and used against you
Are you a Klingon, or is that a lobster on your forehead?
Are you sure it isn't time for a colorful metaphor?
"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly."
At least Wesley didn't write and direct his own movie
The Babylon 5 Mantra: Ivanova is always right. Ivanova is God. I will listen to Ivanova or Ivanova will rip my lungs out. Any questions? Good!
Back off, man--I'm a scientist
Badges? We don't need no stinking badges!
Barney has drumsticks, but we have barbecues
Barney, I'd like you to meet our next guest, Mr. Velociraptor
Be good to your friends, or they may develop psychokinetic powers and destroy Tokyo
Beam me up, Scotty, it ate my phaser
Beam me up, Scotty, the elevators don't work
Beam me up, Scotty, there's no intelligent life here
Beauty and the Beast--Bright Lights, Big Kitty
Because the alternative would be unthinkable
Beckett and Calavicci in '96 Putting right what once went wrong
Before my sword can pass through your neck it has to pass halfway through your neck. But before it can pass halfway through your neck, it has to pass a quarter of the way through your neck, and before it can do *that*.... ---Xeno, Warrior Prince
The boat sank. Get over it.
"Bones! It's Pirate Roberts!" "He's Dread, Jim."
"Bones! The man's arm is broken!" "I'm a doctor, not a...(oh)"
Borg Cola Not the choice of the Next Generation
Borger King We do it our way Your way is irrelevant
"Bother", said Pooh. "Eeyore, ready two photon torpedos and lock phasers with the Heffalump. Piglet, meet me in transporter room three."
burn down the house. fire. fire. fire. fire. fire. fire. heheh. no more mess. heheh.
Buy one omnipotent being, get one free Q-PON
Captain! Somebody formatted the Warp Drive!
Captain! The doubletalk generators, they can take nae more! We'll have to obey the laws of physics!
Cartoon Law 8: Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent
Child of a Looser God
The Corps is mother, the Corps is father....but Bester is a REAL mother
Couch Potato
Couch potatoes have brain tubers
Creature of the Night
Crisis or no, nothing must interfere with tea!
Cute? I can do cute
Damn fine coffee, and HOT!
Damn it, Jim, you're a television personality, not an actor
Dax/Odo in '96 Leadership that adapts
Dear Janeway---Hate you, Hate Chakotay, Taking the ship---Love, The Crew
Dear Starfleet, Hate you, Hate the Federation, Taking Voyager. ---Janeway
Death to Barney!
Die, Barney, Die
Do not meddle in the affairs of Vorlons, for they are angry and too quickly subtle
Do not taunt happy fun Vorlon
Do or do not...There is no try
Do you know where your towel is?
Don't cry on my shoulder, I'm off duty ---Troy
Don't Panic
Don't step on my scarf!
Don't torture yourself--that's my job
Don't try to engage my enthusiasm--I haven't got one
Don't try to out-weird me--I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal
The dyslexic Borg: Assimilation is irrelevant. You are futile.
Eeny Meeny Chili Beanie, the spirits are about to speak
The end of the world will occur this Friday at 3:00 PM, with symposium to follow
Even the worst sf tv show has a fandom
Every Spam is sacred
Everything is illusionary, but television is especially illusionary
Fabricati Diem, PVNC
Faith Manages
Fantasy is a crutch for people who can't handle soap operas
Federation Express: When it absolutely positively has to be there by Tuesday
42? 7.5 million years, and all you got was....oh, you were running Windows
First generation Trekker 6609.08
42--The answer to life, the universe, and everything
Garibaldi--get this police box out of my office, NOW!
Gosh, that takes me back...or forward. That's the trouble with time travel, you never can tell.
Graduate of the Mad Max School of Defensive Driving
Happiness is a Tardis with a working dematerialization circuit
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Kill Kill
Have Tardis, will travel
The hell with the prime directive--let's kill something
Hello, Agent Mulder. I hear you're looking for aliens. You may call me the Doctor.
Hello. My name is Batman. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
He's dead, Jean-Luc
He's dead, Jim.
He's dead, Jim. You take his phaser, I'll get his wallet.
He's dead--you get his phaser, I'll take his toupee
"Hey Rocky! Watch me pull some intelligence out of the internet!" "But that trick never works." "This time for sure."
Highlander Movies--There should be only one
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no march for a good bullwhip by your side
Hooked on Psionics worked for me!
The human spirit is a hard thing to kill, even with a chain saw
I am a Shadow. I stand between the Light....and the wall
I am Bart of Borg. Assimilate my shorts, man....
I am Boris of Borg. Moose and squirrel are irrelevent.
I am different, I am alone and I'm am outcast...I bleed green!
I am Homer of Borg. Prepare to be assimi...oooh, donuts!
I am not a student of human nature. I am a professor of a far wider academy, of which human nature is only a part
I am what I am, and I don't think Betty Ford takes vampires!
I am ZaZa LaBorg--prepare to be assimilated, dollink!
I bought the Star Trek chess set and the Civil War chess set. Now I have the South fight the Klingons.
I canna change the laws of physics, Captain, but I can find ye a loophole
I didn't do it. Nobody saw me do it. You can't prove anything.
I do the work of three men--Larry, Moe, and Curly
I don't believe in no-win scenarios
I don't have to take this abuse from you--I've got hundreds of people waiting to abuse me
I don't know. It's a mystery.
I find your lack of faith disturbing
I hate being cheered up. It's depressing.
I hate you, you hate me, let's go out and kill Barney--with a 9 millimeter bullet to the head, lets tell Baby Bop Barney's dead
I hate you, you hate me, we're a dysfunctional family
I hated Barney before it was cool
I have many skills
I killed Kenny!
I know where my towel is
I like the idea of an ancient race--it makes a world feel so...lived in
I love it when a plan comes together
I love you, you love me...Dinosaur sexuality
I may be a craven little coward, but I'm a GREEDY craven little coward
I prefer to think of it as the Prime Suggestion
I stand between the candle and the star. Next month I will pay my electric bill.
I think so, Brain, but you're too short to be the Messiah
I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed
I try never to get involved in my own life--it's too complicated
I used to be sane...but I got better
I wanna have Vincent's kittens
I warn you not to underestimate my powers
I was a Klingon before Klingons were popular
I was assimilated by the Borg, and all I got was this lousy button
I was born in Iowa, I just work in outer space
I was stupid, I was expendable, and here I am
I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed, or numbered. I am not a number! I am a free man!
I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed, or numbered. I am not a number! I am a free woman!
I will not get very far with this attitude
I wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's one called "brightness," but it doesn't work.
I worked late on my birthday and nobody brought ME a cute vampire!
If guns are outlawed, can we use phasers?
If people see that you mean them no harm, they'll never hurt you, nine times out of ten
If Starfleet Command had wanted you to have a life, we would have issued you one
If there is anything in the universe more important than my ego, I want it taken out and shot immediately
If you don't like the way I drive, get out of the Batmobile
If you meet Barney on the road, kill him
If you see something about so big with eight legs running towards you, let me know. I have to kill it be it develops language skills.
I'm a citizen of the universe, and a gentleman to boot!
I'm a Slayer Ask me how
I'm a very dangerous fellow when I don't know what I'm doing
I'm here to chew bubblegum and kick ass...I'm out of bubblegum
I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it any more!
I'm not bad...I'm just drawn that way
I'm not expendable, I'm not stupid, and I'M NOT GOING
I'm ready to leap NOW!
I'm the silly green duck with an ego the size of Cleveland
I'm warning you--if you kill me, they'll just send 008
I'm your No. 1 fan. You're lucky I found you.
In ten minutes, the Joker poison on your Batman memorabilia will be activated
In Valen's name, they killed Dukhat! You bastards! cro
Interfere? Of course we'll interfere. Always do what you're best at, I say.
It takes the Village [prisoner bicycle with 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. in center]
It's a Babylon 5 thing. I wouldn't understand.
It's a good thing money can't buy happiness. We couldn't stand the commercials.
It's not easy being a cast iron bitch. It takes years of practice. Most people don't appreciate that.
It's not my FAULT
It's not pinging. It's passed on. This program is no more. It's expired and gone to meet its make-r. This is a late program. It's a stiff... *This is an X program.*
It's not the years--it's the mileage
Ivanova is God
I've been seduced by the chocolate side of the Force.
I've made such a terrible mess of things...and all I wanted to do was rule the universe
Janeway & Chakotay....because government is best 70,000 light years away
Judge me by my size, you will?
Jurassic Park--try not to feed the animals
Jurassic Park--12 species in Amber
Just say ZOG
Just think--how would Bugs Bunny have handled this?
Katana Space When carry on just isn't enough
Kirk & Picard in 2000 The best of both worlds
Kirk & Spock '92
Kirk & Spock '96
K/S The Human/Vulcan adventure is just beginning
Laugh it up, fuzzball
Let friendship thrive
L'etat c'est Moe All the world's a stooge
Let's split up--we can do more damage that way
Life...don't talk to me about life
The life that /// can ///// never must be <has slashout>
Life's a bitch--now so am I
Light Sabers--a part of living
Light Side, Dark Side--I'm the one with the blaster
Live long and prosper
Live long and prosper. It's logical.
Lizard Invasion Newts at eleven
Logic is the beginning of wisdom, not the end
Lost my head over Highlander
Lt. Commander Data--your plastic pal who's fun to be with
MacLeod in 2000 There can be only one
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
Make it so
Many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view
Marvelous! You're going to kill me. What a finely tuned response to the situation!
May the Force be with you
McBorg's--over 60 billion assimilated
Me not responsible. Me just pawn in game of life
Mentioning the bogus science in Star Trek will derail any conversation--entirely too many fish in that barrel
Mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence
Mostly Harmless
Mr. Data, precisely what did you mean when you said, "Oh, boy"?
Mr. Fusion Home Service Representative
Mr. Wesley Crusher, would you please report to the airlock
Mulder & Scully in 2000---Trust no one else
Mulder & Scully slash? Isn't that a little...perverse?
My ship came in. It was the Kobayashi Maru.
My sole consort went to the Romulan Neutral Zone and all I got was this khest'n button
My whole life is a movie--it's just that there are no dissolves. I have to live every agonizing moment of it--my life needs editing.
The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one. The needs of the one outweigh the needs of the many. [written in Yin/Yang symbol]
Never send a monster to do the work of a mad scientist. Now be a good little bunny and let me have your brain.
Never tell me the odds--numbers confuse me
The next time you go seeking revelation, can you find a way that is somewhat less uncomfortable?
Nick Knight Taking a bite out of crime, forever
No boom today Boom tomorrow There's always a boom tomorrow
No matter where you go, there you are
NO! NO! Don't touch the plot contrivance switch!
No one expects the Spammish repetition Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam!
Nobody steps on a church in MY town!
Not tonight, Chekhov, I have an earache
Nothing shocks me. I'm a scientist.
Now calm yourself, ensign, and try to tell remember what button you pushed [picture of upsidedown Enterprise]
Nuke'em from orbit--it's the only way to be sure
[Odo <heart> Kira] [Kira <heart> Bareil] [Lwaxana <heart> Odo] ---Deep Space Nine....as the station turns
Of course he's dead--I killed him.
Of course I'm in a bad mood--someone just dropped a house on my sister
Of course I'm warped--it's faster than impulse
Of course, it's only a theory
Oh Boy!
Oh God, I'm so depressed
Oh my God! Verhoeven killed Starship Troopers! You bastard!
Oh, no. Not again.
Oh, please continue with your petty bickering--I find it fascinating
Old Jedi never die--they just fade in and out
Once upon a time...is now
One Step Beyond The Night Gallery into The Outer Limits of The Twilight Zone
Other people's property comes naturally to me
Penguin Lust
Picard/Guynan The bald and the beautiful
Picard/Riker in 2000 Make it so
Pinky and the Brain in 2000 Are you pondering what we're pondering?
Please, Captain, not in front of the Klingons
Portions of the preceding were recorded. As for the rest, I quite fear that it was all in your mind.
Possessor of a mind not merely twisted but actually sprained
Psi Corps is your friend. Trust the corps. It's subliminal, it must be true.
Quantum Leap--Fun to watch, difficult to explain
Quantum Leap: places to go, people to be
Real Daleks don't climb stairs--they level the building
Renegade Time Lady
Renegade Time Lord
Revenge is a dish best served microwaved
Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow
Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads!
Romulan Cloaking Button
R2D2 is a renegade Dalek
Same old torture, every day, every day
Set phaser on prozac
Shadows in 2000--If you're tired of Cthulhu for President
Share and enjoy
Sheridan and Ivanova in 2000 Our last best hope
Shut up, Wesley!
Sinclair/Valen in 2000 two for the price of one
Smurf Exterminator
Smurfs are baby Gamelons
Sorry I'm late...Do we hate everyone, or should I concentrate on someone in particular
Spending a year dead for tax purposes
SPOON!!!
Star Trek IV--so long, and thanks for all the fish
Star Trek is irrelevant. The Borg are irrelevant. Uselessness is futile. You will be assimilated.
Star Trek V--Shat happens
Starship Troopers: There can be only Juan
Student of the Harry Tuttle school of Revolutionary Plumbing
Sub-space communications--the next best thing to beaming there
Terminator--The few, the proud, the machines
That's odd. That's very odd. Wouldn't you say that's very odd?
Theatre is life. Cinema is art. Television is furniture.
There's so much comedy on tv--is it causing comedy in the streets?
There's so much unhappiness on television, we don't need more of it in real life
They lived in two worlds. They loved in one.
Thine is not to reason why, thine is just to figure pi [Vulcan humor]
This button boldly goes where no button has gone before
This IS a costume. I'm a homicidal maniac--they look just like everyone else.
This isn't reality. This is fantasy.
Those who do not remember the past are doomed to watch the mini-series
333 Eric the half a Beast
Time has little to do with infinity and jelly donuts
Time Lords say, "Go ahead, make my yesterday"
To baldly go where no man has gone before
Trust no one--the truth is out there
The truth is out there. We'll let it back in when it sobers up.
The twelfth regeneration's a bitch and then you die
The two most common things in the universe are dark matter and stupidity REN & STIMPY in '96!
Ultimate Question Research Team
VCR's exist to do our tv watching for us
Veni, Vidi, VCR--I came, I saw, I taped
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothing.
Village of the Damned [prisoner bicycle with 666]
Vincent loves Catherine [in heart]
Want a jelly baby?
Warp 7--it's a law we can live with
Watership Down: You've read the book. You've seen the movie. Now eat the stew.
We are the Franklin Mint of Borg. You will be assimilated....in five easy monthly payments.
We are looking for the nuclear wessels
We are Microsoft. OS/2 is irrelevant. UNIX is irrelevant. Openness is futile. Prepare to be assimilated.
We are Pentium of Borg. You will be approximated.
We could really bust some heads--in a spiritual sense, of course
We gladly feast on those who would subdue us--not just pretty words
We live for the one--we die for the one--Hold it! They didn't mention *that* in the recruiting flyer on Minbar
We stand between the Darkness and the Light--and always wear a petticoat
Welcome to Starfleet security, Ensign Kenny
We're Starfleet officers. Weird is part of the job.
What are we going to do tonight, Brain? The same thing we do everynight, Pinky: reinstall Windows 95
What do you mean, "They beamed outside for some fresh air"?
What is your name? Jean-Luke Picard. What is your quest? I seek the Holy Grail. What is the top velocity of a Bird of Prey? Romulan or Klingon? .....AAAARRRRGGGH!
What's seven feet tall and runs around the Himalayas with a light saber? A Yeti Knight
When you're up to your ass in tribbles, it's hard to remember that the objective was to poison the grain
Who died and made you Blake?
Who needs rational when your toes curl up?
Why are Earth people so parochial?
Will kill purple dinosaur for food
Will you dance with the Devil in the pale moonlight?
With my luck, the next thing through that door will be the second coming & I'm about two or three commandments behind
Worst-dressed sentient being in the known universe
Would it save you some time if I just gave up and went mad now?
Xena and Gabrielle in 2000
Xena-Phile
X-Phile
You can't judge a book by its movie
You do not wish to know anything. You wish only to speak.
You knew the job was dangerous when you took it
You know, just once, I'd like to meet an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets!
You say nah-celle, I say nay-celle--let's call the holo thing off
You were TOLD not to feed me after midnight
You'll find I'm full of surprises
Your reality is lies and balderdash and I am delighted to say I have no grasp of it whatsoever
Your silliness has been noted
Your superior intellect is no match for our puny weapons
[Prisoner bicycle with a 6]
[Prisoner bicycle with a 2]
[Prisoner bicycle with a your choice of number]
It is better to light one candle than to curse the Darth
As a matter of fact, Mr. Shatner, I *have* kissed a girl
Faith manages, Willow does tech support
"Gee, Mr. Croup, what are we going to do tonight?" "Same thing we do every night, Mr. Vandemar--try to take over London below!"
Hello. I'm the Dread Pirate Roberts(tm) #9875. Ask me about a franchise in your area.
I have one job on this lousy ship. It's a stupid job, but I'm going to do it.
I'm completely human--on my mother's side
Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Sith Lords
"More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy. I'm stuffed."
My name is Bambi. You killed my mother. Prepare to die.
"My name is Fox Mulder. You abducted my sister. Take me too!"
"Oh, bother," said the Borg. "We've assimilated Pooh."
Set left eyebrow on sardonic
They've deleted my ethical subroutines
We are Klingonese if you please. We are Klingonese if you don't please.
What would Brian Boitano do?
We are the SCAborg. Prepare to be assimilated. Resistance is feudal.
The truth is out there. It's just not indexed very well.
It's 2001. Where's my flying car that folds up into a suitcase?
Don't blame me--I voted for Bartlet
You cannot really appreciate Dilbert until you have read it in the original Klingon
Don't make me get the flying monkeys
Madness takes its toll--EZ pass in left lane
Revenge is sweet, and it's best served cold. It's a cheesecake!
I am Locution of Borg. Prepare to be a simile.
What Would Scooby Do?
Bored Now
The costumes have reached a critical level. Soon the space ship will come through the wall.
VCR's watch tv so that you don't have to.
What is the terminal velocity of an unladen Balrog?
Eagles soar, but a weasel will never get sucked into a land war in Asia
My name is Harry Potter. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Tivo watches tv so we don't have to
Oh good, my dog's found the chainsaw
I am Dyslexia of Borg. Your ass will be laminated.
Renaissance is feudal. Prepare to be anachronated.
When I was your age, Michael Jackson was black
What's Klingon for "Who would bother to learn a made-up language like Elvish?"
You don't need to look at my chest. These aren't the breasts you're looking for. Move along.
Little chance of success, certainty of death, what are we waiting for?
Never get involved in a land war in Asia
The heck with the Joneses--I'm trying to keep up with the Jetsons
6 x 9 = 42--All your base 13 are belong to us
Darth Mom
The big advantage of a light saber is that you can both cut and toast a bagel in one stroke
I aim to misbehave
Sith happens
So this is how liberty dies, to thunderous applause
Go ahead. Make my breakfaast.
Come to the Dark Side, we have cookies
Darth Baby
Darth Dad
Darth Kid
Darth Rugrat
Darth Sibling
Resistance is not futile
Set phaser on wedgie
Whose trachea do I have to crush to get something done around here?
[bits of ice striking hull] "Captain, we're being hailed"
Can't stop the signal
Let's be bad guys
I am Letterman of Borg. Top ten reasons why resistance is futile....
I find your lack of CLUE disturbing
My name is Borg. James Borg. Agent 007 of 9. Licensed to assimilate.
God wants spiritual fruits, not religious nuts
He's dead, Jim." "I know. I've read the script."
'elev Holqoq 'oghlu'pu'bogh ghojmeH vum neH 'Iv? [Who would bother with a made up language like Elvish, in Klingon]
I am a leaf on the wind
I found my popular culture had become unmanageable
It's all about the chicken
Curse your sudden yet inevitable betrayal
I reject your reality and substitute my own!
The First Rule of Fight Club is you don't sing about Fight Club
Life is cruel. Why should the afterlife be any different?
Only the heir to the Kingdom of Idiots would fight a war on twelve fronts
Everybody lies
Helo does it with his toaster
Mel Gibson's remake of The Life of Brian isn't nearly as funny as the original
Warp drive is for distance. Weft drive is for going back and forth. It's good for shuttles.
Tonight, we dine in Hell. Tomorrow, I'm thinking Arby's.
Why is the rum always gone?
Do as I say, and I will be your slave
We are BPAL of Borg, resist scents is useless
The beading will continue until morale improves
Metaphors be with you
The angels have the phone box
No, you're a doctor. I'm THE Doctor. The definite article, you might say.
I refuse to let my child grow up in a world where Han didn't shoot first
Daleks vs. the Borg: Your question is illogical. Assimilate! Assimilate!
Follow that car, Godzilla, and step on it
What I really need is minions, but I'll settle for my flying monkeys
If you have black holes, why do you need a drill?
I implied
Paddle faster. I hear banjos.
May the F = ma be with you
I was hoping for some kind of tactical plan that didn't involve martyrdom
I'd rather be on Pandora
I'm from the Jarhead clan
It's just another hellhole
I've been to the Dark Side, and their cookies are terrible
I've been Jossed (
The farce is strong in this one
WE ARE BORG. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED, but we aren't at home right now. So leave a message at the tone, and we'll assimilate you later.
Keep calm & warble on
Aren't you a little short to be an Imperial Auditor?
Anything you can do, I can do meta
DERP!
I am the terror that flaps in the night!
My name is Flamingo Montoya. I stand on one foot. Prepare to die.
Real life lacks narrative tension, that's why we go to the movies
Do not attempt to escape-- existence is futile
I can carry on a conversation made entirely of media quotes. It's like living on Darmok.
I never received my acceptance letter to Hogwarts, so I'm leaving the Shire to become a Jedi and join Starfleet
May the odds be ever with you
The Dark Side has cookies, the Nerd Side has pi
My name is Flamingo Montoya. I stand on one leg. Prepare to die.
If you're dating someone who doesn't like Star Wars puns, you're looking for love in Alderaan places
Statistically speaking, only one dwarf in seven is Happy
Suspense consists of letting an audience know exactly what is about to happen, and then making them wait for it --Alfred Hitchcock
You wouldn't like me when I'm angry, because I always back up my rage with facts and documented sources. --The Credible Hulk
I want to see the fight between James Kirk and Teela Brown
There's nothing better than having the scriptwriter on your side
Be excellent to each other
Dear Dracula, remember that night a few years ago. Well, we have a son. His name is Edward. --Sincerely, Tinkerbell
Why didn't the Doctor save Krypton? Fixed point in time, so sorry
I drink and I know things
Keep Beach City weird

Stickers

The Klingon Prime Directive: [tiHoH in Klingon font] Kill Them!
Do Not Underestimate the Power of the Chocolate Side of the Force!
Creature of the Night
The truth is out there. Trust no one. Deny everything.
My kid and your taxes go to Starfleet Academy
Be nice to me, or I just might develop psychokinetic powers and destroy Tokyo!
The Few. The Browed. The Klingon Marines.
My kid swindled your honor student at the Ferengi College of Business, where students learn to profit from more than just mistakes.
My other vehicle was assimilated by the Borg!
My ship finally came in, but it was the Kobayashi Maru!
Summa cum laude graduate, Darth Vader School of Personnel Management
Four space stations were lost and they still funded a fifth? Only on TV - Babylon 5
Bean me up, Scotty! They make lousy coffee down here
Some days, the most interesting thing on the TV is a sleeping cat!
You'd be like this, too, if they dropped a house on your sister!
Proud ancestor of an honor student at STARFLEET ACADEMY
"Bother", said Pooh. "Eeyore, ready two photon torpedos and lock phasers on the Heffalump. Piglet, meet me in transporter room three."
R2D2 is my co-pilot

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Contact Nancy
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Or contact Joshua
Kronengold, who did most of the [perl] CGI and HTML
work on the site if you want to discuss similar work [He's not at
all cheap, but is good and fast].