Talk

Late Laughs for the week of September 9 - 15, 2018

The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon

An 11-year-old boy in Florida was able to hack into a state elections website and change results in under 10 minutes. So get ready to meet Florida's next governor, Fortnite McDeadpool.

Home Depot just had its best quarter in company history. When asked what they'll do with the money, Home Depot said, "Hire a second employee."

Tonight was an all-new episode of "Bachelor in Paradise." You know I love that. But if you want to see some reality stars go at it on TV, just check out Omarosa and President Trump.

In her new book, Omarosa claims that she once walked in on Trump in the Oval Office eating a piece of paper. Eating paper. On the bright side, that's actually the healthiest thing he's ever eaten.

The president's been keeping busy. On Friday night, he had dinner with the CEO of Apple, Tim Cook. And this is nice -- Trump even picked up the check. But then he ate it.

Omarosa's new book "Unhinged" is out, and it's already an Amazon bestseller. That's just because Trump frantically bought up all the copies so no one can read it.

On "Fox & Friends" this morning, Brian Kilmeade said that Omarosa had outsmarted Trump. But to be fair, Trump has also been outsmarted by the child safety locks in his limo.

In the past few weeks, Trump has insulted several notable African-Americans like Omarosa, LeBron James and Don Lemon. But today, Trump said he'll stop -- 'cause those are all the African-Americans he knows.

The Late Late Show With James Corden

President Trump was in New Jersey this weekend, where he hosted a "Bikers for Trump" rally at one of his private golf courses. Because, really, what's more badass and rebellious for bikers to do than hang out at a members-only golf club?

During an interview yesterday, former Trump aide Omarosa played a secret recording of Chief of Staff John Kelly informing her she was being fired. The firing took place in the White House's Situation Room. Omarosa recorded this herself, which is a first, because usually there's a whole camera crew there when she's getting fired.

There was another huge revelation from Omarosa this weekend: she said the Trump administration was "deceiving this nation" by hiding how mentally declined President Trump actually is. Oh, come on. We see his tweets. He's not fooling anyone.

Following recent accusations of President Trump's racist behavior, White House press secretary Sarah Sanders has gotten into some trouble of her own. Yesterday, she was caught during a press briefing making false claims about the number of jobs Trump has created for African-Americans. Although, if you believe Omarosa, the biggest lie was that the White House used the term "African-Americans."

Later this week, the president is scheduled to attend a fundraiser in the Hamptons hosted by his friend Howard Lorber, the head of Nathan's Famous Hot Dogs. I have to tell you, I find this shocking. How is the head of Nathan's Hot Dogs not named Nathan?

According to a new article, Donald Trump Jr. and his girlfriend, former Fox News anchor Kimberly Guilfoyle, have cute new nicknames for each other. He refers to her as Pooh Bear and she refers to him as Junior Mint. I guess Junior Mint will do until he gets his soon-to-come nickname, Federal Inmate No. 7544.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

All hell is breaking loose in Washington as the battle between President Trump and his former adviser slash "Apprentice" contestant Omarosa Manigault Newman rages on. I'm not sure who I'm supposed to root for in this. It's like Lord Voldermort versus King Joffrey.

Omarosa claims that Mike Pence often defends the president's actions by saying, "God is telling me to support the president." So he does. Which -- who knows? Maybe God is telling Mike Pence what to do. Or maybe he just doesn't know how the intercom on his desk works.

Late Night With Seth Meyers

President Trump had dinner on Friday with Apple CEO Tim Cook. Well, Tim, did you try unplugging him and plugging him back in?

According to Politico, White House aides need to remind President Trump of time zones in different countries on a "constant basis." He forgets that in America, it's 4 p.m., but where he is, it's 1957.

Arguments in former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort's fraud trial wrapped up today, and the defense rested their case and Manafort did not take the stand. However, he did take a watch, three wallets and the judge's gavel.

According to Omarosa's new book, Eric Trump's wife Lara Trump insisted that women on the Trump campaign wear dresses and heels. Said President Trump: "Hold up -- Eric's married?!"

Producers have signed a deal to make old episodes of "Jeopardy" available to binge watch on Hulu. "What is Europe!" asked Trump in a Cabinet meeting.

Former White House aide Omarosa Manigault released a fourth secret recording today. Apparently, she hid the microphone someplace Trump would never find it: in a salad.

Democrats and some Republicans are voicing concerns about President Trump's proposed military parade and feel the event may come off as "totalitarian." Ya think?! That's like someone being worried that the Pride Parade is going to come off as "a little bit gay." That's what they were going for.

President Trump had lunch with Vice-President Mike Pence today. He didn't mean to, he just asked the waiter for a side of mayo and they brought Pence over.

According to a new study, roughly 20 per cent of millennial parents have changed or seriously considered changing their baby's name based on what internet domain names were available at the time. "Don't make the same mistake my parents made," said Pornhub Collins.