Julia’s Blog –New Study Suggests We May Need 5 Failed IVF’s to Get a Baby. Really?

What better way to start the year than knowing how much we are needed.

The Journal of the American Medical Association is doing a great job letting us, awesome fertileheared Visionary mamas, know just that. Validating in a big way that our children are counting on us. All of us.

Could this baby girl have been born at a lesser risk to her mom’s and her own health?

Here’s the story –

Nearly two-thirds of women undergoing I.V.F., suggests the research, will have a child by the sixth attempt after various Failed IVF’s. With In Vitro Fertilization, Persistence Pays Off, is the title of the New York Times piece analyzing the research.

We also learn that this is especially true for women under 40.

In other words, if you’re under 40, be sure to stick around for at least six I.V.F. cycles.

However, if you’re over 40, they want to make sure you know you have only 4% chance of conceiving through IVF, so best to think about egg donation.

Maybe the deepest message of this study is that we, brilliant, professional women, need to apply the same critical thinking skills that earned us our higher degrees, to our baby journey.

Maybe the deepest message of this study is to remind ourselves once again how essential it is for us to claim our power as the key change-makers of our bodies and lives. Embrace that message learning from stories of women who have gone through more than six failed IVF’s and conceived naturally.

Or maybe the deepest message is to learn from women who kept going through one failed I.V.F. after another until they learned to become their own fiercest allies and then went through a successful IVF cycle on their own terms.

The deepest questions to ask ourselves:

The deepest message of this study is that we, thoughtful, intelligent adults need to ask ourselves: Who profits by suggesting we enter treatment “expecting” to go through six IVF cycles?

Who pays the salary of people who tell us we “should be prepared for three to five failures” to get what we want?

How many of the babies born through 257.000 cycles could have been born at a lesser risk to their moms’ and their own health? Not to mention lesser environmental and healthcare cost?

How many of the women in this study were encouraged by their doctors to attempt a deep emotional and physical overhaul in order to minimize the number of IVF cycles they’d need to go through?

For me, those would be some of the deepest messages of this questionable study.

How about you? What’s the deepest message of this latest study for you?

Acting on the message

If you haven’t seen Spotlight, and Big Short, go see them soon. Great stories to awaken the activist in any caring sentient human.

And speaking of caring sentient humans, thank you VERY MUCH! to those of you who offered to be part of our Helper’s Circle. I will be emailing you with a few specific suggestions and we will have a half hour sharing circle once a month. Because only gutsy mamas who care, can change the status quo. And that’s who we are! Happy New Year!

59 Responses to “Julia’s Blog –New Study Suggests We May Need 5 Failed IVF’s to Get a Baby. Really?”

I have found a reliable source of information about natural killer cells and reproductive immunology that the UK government provides. http://www.hfea.gov.uk/fertility-treatment-options-reproductive-immunology.html#wrapper
At the end of the page there are links to most recent studies that address the use of immunosuppressive therapies for recurrent miscarriage and find that they have no proven effect and are accompanied by numerous side-effects that can be serious.

To me this statistic is meaningless. On 7 November last year I gave birth to my son after 6 failed IVF attempts (not to mention 4 IUIs with stimulation drugs) over 8 years – but not by conceiving through IVF, I conceived naturally (I’m 42). Yes, persistence paid off – but what made the difference for me, I think, was not going for cycle after cycle but, as time went by, taking charge of my fertility and trying everyday to do things that I felt made me more fertile, whether it was choosing one of the imagery exercises, doing some body truth, making myself a green juice or thinking of a game that would make my one-year-old niece laugh… So, yes, we need to hang in there, but it’s not about how many cycles you’ve done in the past, but how you feel now, how fertile you feel today – and my journey through miscarriages and IVF/ IUI attempts taught me that I needed to be responsible for that. Sending lots of love to you all, particularly Ruth, Annabel, Esther and those on the GMT Eurozone phone circle 2014/2015 and my friends from the 1 March 2014 workshop.

Thank you for that post! I needed reminding that it’s my responsibility to find things/ways that make me feel fertile. Instead I put so much energy into feeling old, dried up, barren. I beat myself up when I don’t do every program perfectly, even when I know this is defeating the purpose. I love the reminder to just do SOMETHING that makes me feel fertile, creative, full of life. Thank you!

Sarah, what an amazing story. Thank you so much for taking the time to share this, and big congratulations to you. I remember you from some of the European calls last year, and (I think) I even remember you being on one night and feeling understandably sad after an ivf that hadn’t worked, so it’s beautiful to now get to hear the end of this particular part of your story, which is no doubt the beginning of another amazing one. Much love xx

Congratulations Sarah !!
If you are okay to share your story in detail, could you please write one up in this thread where we started collecting all the snowflakes? Your story could be a huge fertility drug for someone out there.Thnx

thank you for writing your news of your son’s birth and congratulations! I have a niece Helenka who will be one in February and she also brings out a lot of tenderness in me. Thank you for your wishes, we may have on some of the calls together. Please stay in touch!

Dear Sarah, thank you very much for your post! And huge congratulations on being a snowflake! At a time when I have been struggling to understand my own healing process and how to take charge of my own fertility, your words have helped immensely. Together with the Visionary Mums GMT call this week, thanks to Julia helping me focus, and your comments, I am now much clearer with myself what path I am taking. Thank you, too, for reminding me that I would like to focus on my little daughter’s laughter. The best medicine ever! My fertility journey towards a second baby has been all-consuming lately and I feel the need to slow down a bit and walk in my path of my truth, without constantly judging myself. I send you lots of luck and happiness on your onward journey!
FearlessRose xxx

I do agree with “Maybe the deepest message of this study is to remind ourselves once again how essential it is for us to claim our power as the key change-makers of our bodies and lives.”

I know someone who went through IVF and she did have to do about 6 IVFs. She did do imagery work. I wonder if her doctors had told her about that. She claimed her power. She would read different books that gave her ideas of what to do next.

For me, IVF is not my path. I am glad that I have people in my life recommend books or practices to help with the mind / body connection. I am getting healthier with healthier meals I cook myself, cooking on stainless steel cookware instead of Teflon, trying to get more sleep, etc. I’m glad to be getting back to my commitment to my Fertile Heart practice. With these practices, I’m listening to myself more and helping my wholy human loaf.

With these practices and my commitment, I’m closer to my child and my best self keeps unfolding.

It took me some time to post because I wanted to read all comments. Wow! I find that I echo all that you say and my heart opens to so many new insights. Thank you.

Strangely, this article did not strike me as hard as it would have before I started Fertile Heart. For that I am so grateful! I can see that what does bother me about this article, comes from my orphans that are scared, feeling powerless, and hopeless. And I can take a breath, listen to what the Visionary or Ultimate Mother has to say. I am starting to think for myself. Yes, for this I am so grateful. I do feel angry and sad that this mainstream article will strike many fertile hearts without OVUM tools and believe this to be the truth!

There’s a part of me that does not know what to do about articles like this. Aside from fertility issues, the article says something so much deeper about who we are as humans.

It still baffles me that women are treated like cars and that steps and procedures can be figured out to determine a specific outlook/result. It saddens me that I understand this too well as I have had adopted this “persistence pays off” attitude in pushing my body, and white knuckling each pregnancy followed by miscarriages for 4+ years.

Thanks to all the visionary mamas for your insights and reactions to this article. My first reaction was the financial cost of doing so many cycles is astronomical and completely unattainable for most people. As we have heard throughout, it is difficult to get insurance to pay for one IVF cycle let alone 6. So it does seem irresponsible and self-serving to recommend that number of cycles when those doing the recommending stand to benefit the most from it. In some ways, it was a blessing for me that by the time I went an RE for a fertility evaluation (which was the only thing my insurance covered), my numbers were poor and my age was too high for me to be a good candidate for stimulated IVF, so I never tried or got my hopes up about it. But I still ponder the possibility of natural cycle IVF, which has worked for women older than me and with similar numbers. But my doctor gave me such a low percentage of success that it did sound like throwing money away, and at that point I discovered Fertile Heart. But the desire for a biological child with my own eggs keeps pulling me back toward this one possible option for ART. Interestingly I keep hearing ads on the radio for this fertility clinic almost every day. I wondered at one point was it a message from UM to go back to the clinic and finally give it a try? Or just more of the fertility industry propaganda that ART is the only solution? What I find most interesting is that now when I hear these adds I noticed how they call IVF a “treatment for infertility” which sounds wrong to me now. It’s a tool that can help some couples get pregnant and have a baby, that is all. I’m glad I can see through the messaging now and it’s definitely because of FH. I am still on the fence, do I go back and give this a try? Do I consider donor egg, which I also found incredibly expensive? I am still listening for messages from the UM, so I haven’t been able to take action yet.

As someone who has been through 3 IVF cycles, I was upset but not surprised by the comments made by Barbara Collura. My experience is that many of the people that I have met during my failed cycles do not have any understanding of how it feels to go through this process and are therefore far to glib and insincere. That being said, in recent times I have met some wonderful health care professionals who are both kind and genuinely compassionate. For me, the message of this blog was that the power lies with us. However we chose to move towards our child, whether it be through natural conception, IVF, egg donation or adoption, we must remain in tune with our bodies and our true selves. I don’t ever want to feel so pushed around again and reclaiming my power goes a long way to healing the hurt of the past.

To all you courageous fertile mamas I am very grateful for the opportunity of community. It is so good to be with you on this journey which is about so much more than having a child.

We are progressing towards our egg donation cycle next month and I am starting to feel nervous and excited. It is such a huge step to accept an enormous gift and I feel that I am learning so much about ending my suffering by taking this leap of faith. It feels strange to think that if we are successful, that I will be forever linked to a lady who I have not met and may never meet. However, there is something pure about the process which is about love, goodness and a miraculous gift. I hope that I can live up to the assignment and make the UM proud.

I just want to say how helpful I found the last teleconference. It really clarified for me how all the current orphans, with the right care can become my strongest visionaries. I followed the last exercise all the way through, everyday I am trying to take visionary rooted steps. But it helped me so much to really understand that I don’t have to believe every day, the visionary action is to gently keep on the trail even on the days when I don’t believe!

Thank you everyone! I got so much from the call and from reading people’s comments. I need a good tool kit and community to help me get through this particular phase and I really do appreciate finding it here!

Julia – Thank you for sharing about orphans flipping out but adults speak and act on their beliefs.
mlee – yay for advocating
Butterflyfaith – Good luck with mind – body-spirit. That is a good question – why would it work on try number 6? Thank you for your support.
Openhearted – Great for sharing your dreams and you did make it through!
Sparxy – Wonderful for being supportive
Chopin – Good luck saying no.
Ruth Hegarty- Great about engaging in now!!
Heartsease – Wonderful dreams and insights
stacyw- Great for looking to see what you do have control over.
Brave Caterpillar – Wonderful for all the work you’re doing.
gutsymama -My sister was a nurse who was told her shortness of breath was in her head. It was only because she was a nurse that she knew after having tested some breathing capacity device dearlier tha her lung capacity wa down by a half. She eventually had a lung transplant.
TracyM – Great for taking your power back.
Annabell – Good point about no map.
Charlieloj – Welcome and sorry you are having challenges.
Blessed – Great for listening to your inner voice\
ChoosingGrowhandVision- Amazing words about the visionary and win win.
mermaidmom – That makes sense to consider emotions aspect.
Paola -I’m sorry you’re feeling challenged and I’m sure not the only one.
Mother2be – Thank you for the advice about statistics. Wonderful for sharing your experiences.
Heather – Wonderful to speak of finances
0MiraculousLife -I’m glad you were not a member of the flock.

I have been working with Child’s Play Body Truth and Council of Babies Fertile Heart Imagery (II). I started doing Child’s Play after feelings from the Council of Babies – maybe lightening up? I have been doing some cooking with coconut oil and trying to work with things I have more control over – like trying to do at least a little better on sleep. I really can’t trust myself to take care of myself sometimes.
The Amy Davidson article on the environment was great. Earth is our baby and she needs to be taken care of and she may be an only child. (at least as far as we know).

I’m not overtly religious but am a spiritual person and definitely have an attitude of gratitude. Each night (or most nights, the ones I don’t immediately fall asleep) at the end of the day I thank God for what I have been given. I am so grateful for the abundance in my life. Before FH I prayed for God to bring us a baby. To please, please, please bring us a baby so we can stop worrying. But as Julia pointed out in her end of the year email, the FH practice is not about wishing for things on a list and hoping they come true. The FH practice is a practice.

I haven’t asked God lately to bring me a baby, because he brought me something else. He brought me the FH practice. He brought me the tools. He brought me Visionary Mamas. He brought me resources. I’ve been given a way to calmly and presently approach this miraculous journey. These are things that traditional medicine does not provide. Telling women that it make take 6 or more tries of IVF to get a baby fuels not only fear, but more importantly takes away the Visionary. It takes away the part of you that only you can know, and then act accordingly.

Because of FH I not only don’t freak out about articles like this, I don’t even read them at all. It’s useless clutter, and in 2016, I have no time for clutter!!

After reading the article a few times I feel my own orphans related to fear and statistics have been cropping up the past few weeks. I worked with Welcome home and ladder of light at least once daily the last week. I found the orphan that has her boots planted firm stating I don’t want to do anything. If I move forward I may fail and that feeling sucks. Also found this angry thrashing crazy self when I did ladder of light the first night. However, I must say my V has been present always pushing forward and speaking her truth not just agreeing with my RE, spouse, or mother. She wants to choose what is most giving for her, while also having thanks for every precious moment that is occurring today.

I Had interesting dream snip its last night. First one my co worker makes an interesting salad. She states her negative feelings about her dish. She also appears upset and worried.
Then I am visiting with my daughters dance teacher. She asks me how I think My daughter is doing. I tell her fine I think. She then states she is not sure she is doing well. I don’t say anything, but I am thinking how upset I am that she has not even given her a chance.
Next, I am driving my car and all of the sudden the person in front of me swerves off the road and has a massive accident with a huge cloud of smoke and fire. I have no way to stop my car as I can not see through the smoke. I make it to the other side and pull off the road by other cars. I tell the people I could not see anything and I did not know if I was going to make it.

Any input on these dreams from my fertile moms. I think I see the fear orphan who feels dissatisfied with her choices. Then she is present again not fully trusting or believing in what she does or where she has or is going. Then maybe a V who sees no other choice then to keep going. Her path is not visible but, there is always another side. She makes it no matter where she ends up?

Hi OH: I think you are on the right track with your dreams. Especially the one with your daughter’s dance teacher. You know in your soul she is doing just fine, and when an “expert” has doubts, you don’t just cave and change your mind. You fight for what you know is right. That sounds like it could apply to something going on in life now. (Whoops–I should have read and interpreted this dream as “my” dream using the first person. But you catch my drift. :) ). Great work remembering snippets of dreams. Last night mine dream had bits of my old home, my parents who were super relaxed and happy, a peacock and a BBQ or family dinner of some sort. And a pool. Yeah. Not exactly obvious or glaring insight happening here.

Well the last dream seems really hopeful to me. You can’t clearly see the way through the smoke, and yet you survive and make it to the other side. I think that speaks volumes about the fact that you are on the right path – it is hard to see the way, but that you will make it to the other side. I think that’s awesome. Thank you for sharing these!

Thank you for posting your dream. The dream of the car struck me in a way that I felt very much and uncomfortable. I saw the smoke as a hindrance for the clarity that I so desire. Clarity to me also means having faith and trust that I can move through the smoke, safely. At the same time, I felt relief that I got to the other side and was able to pull off the road by the other cars. I was wondering why I had to tell people that I could not see anything – it brought up for me the orphan that feels the need to explain herself to others because she feels no one understands. Visionary knows she does not have to explain herself and that she is guided, loved, and understood. Hmmmm.

I usually make these huge, detailed New Year’s Resolutions. Some are doomed to fail from the moment I write them down (“Organize my whole life!”). But this one I can keep, and it has a direct relationship with Fertile Heart. I’m going to be mindfully active in my decisions. Not just show up, or think about it, or try. But decide to be active and then devote myself mindfully and presently to doing whatever it is. And on that note, if it’s not a heartfelt “hell-yes” answer to whatever I’m deciding to do, then it’s a no. I think I can handle these resolutions this year. I’m so tired of being thrown around like a feather in the wind whenever I hear about stats or age or all of the medical doom-and-gloom. I am tired of the fear and the panic. I love new years, mostly because of what it represents: a clean slate and a fresh start. I’m so ready to begin again. With that said, I’ve been really looking forward to my FH practice (and not just tacking it on at the end of the day like I do flossing or loading the dishwasher). It’s definitely my “hell yes!”

Butterflyfaith,
I love your new years resolution, especially ‘if it’s not a hell-yes, then it’s a no.’ It can help us with saying no, which I have an orphan relationship with – I pretend that saying no is hurting others, while in reality, saying no can be true to myself, which doesn’t hurt me and that’s what’s important
I think to be true to myself can be an everyday resolution for me. A hard one, but it can be very liberating, and ultimately can be healing for everyone involved.

If I take a step back, what I think is that if you embark on anything calculating how many times you might have to repeat it to get the result you want, then you aren’t really fully engaging with what is happening to you right now. And if you start IVF thinking you’ll have to do several cycles maybe some part of you is closed to the possibility of it working first time, or to seeing that cycle as a lived experience in which something is learned (& not only endured).

I also think we have to be careful what we hear and take on board when we read things. I received four email messages the other day. Three were from good friends with words to nourish me, the forth was from a former colleague and contained some very nasty and pernicious lies. Which one do you think I gave my energy to? This is something I am going to try and notice more about myself this year. This isn’t to deny or ignore the agenda behind what we read, but I think we have to be careful about what we accept as our truths and how we live and act by them.

I find it hard not to get overwhelmed by the statistics of getting pregnant either naturally or with IVF at times. Especially when things have not worked out the way I had hoped with a cycle. However, I try to remember that medicine is only one part of the story. I am trying my best to work on the things that I have control over with the help of the fertile heart tools. Some days are easier than others but I am doing my best to keep moving forward in this journey and learning new things on the way.

I don’t have a problem with science, I think the problem I have is with how findings and statistics can be molded to fit the interests of those doing and presenting the research.

I once mentioned something to Julia that my husband would question her work because it is not that scientific and she pointed out how indeed it is scientific. She told me it has been proven how what we think has an instant impact in our bodies. Then, during the workshop she continuously reminded us about this by sharing some facts and evidence about her work. It is just that these type of studies are not around or talked about so little that even me, someone who has experienced this evidence, missed it.

Ever since I went to my first workshop I’ve done my visualizations at least once a day. I’ve done body truth frequently but not every day. I would remember my dreams or fragments of them, I always wrote them down and sometimes I would work with them using the questions on page 180 from The Fertile Female book. So you could say I was doing a good job doing my practice.

Then the last couple of weeks something changed, I continued to do the same but I did everything with a purpose. In one of Julia’s calls she said that I had to learn how to ask for what I needed, that it was not only not selfish but also the kindest thing I could do for everyone around me. So that day I had to choose a new imagery exercise to work with and I chose to work with Learning How to Ask. I had a very revealing dream, I worked with it. Then I found I had an orphan who had trouble trusting her body and giving up control so I did Dance of Trust along with Council of Babies. And had a second revelation.

I found an orphan who wants to be taken care of, she is mad at her mother because she hasn’t been around, because she doesn’t know how to identify her needs and satisfy them. The visionary that needs to be born is someone who listens to her needs and takes care of them, someone who is a mother to this orphan, trusts her intuition and follows through. For that I will work with Ladder of Light and with Gates of Love and Fulfillment. Body Truth I do as I feel that day before going to sleep, usually I do Unconditional Gratitude, Welcome Home, and lately, My Mother Not Myself. My actions: eat and do things that I like that are nourishing for my body and my soul and write them down each day.

It is funny that I have been doing this practice for a few months now, Julia had suggested time and time again that we should do it like that but I just started. So that is were I am at now and I am excited. Learning to take care of my whole bread, as my husband said it.

So I really think people should know that there is more involved than just going through all these treatments, doing research about clinics, doctors, memorizing statistics, your numbers, and your chances of conceiving. Not because I will get pregnant and they will not, but because we owe it to our bodies and our future children to be healthy physically and emotionally and this is our chance to do it.

I love this so much Brave Caterpillar!! What a great post. I read it over and over and it resonated with me. I am using “my mother not myself” every night and I am so suprised how much my body is moving every night!! Much love to you!

The deeper message to me from this study is that we have given so much our power away. Away to the doctors, away to the statisticians. I first read the results you shared with fear and dread, six times!! Oh no not six times! Then as I read your wise words my power started to surface. Thank you for showing us all that we are not defined by these people or groups but by our own beliefs and how we conduct ourselves.
In the face of this message this is what I am going to do to reach my desire: I will continue with the imagery, I will begin Body truth, I will do one inversion a day and I have begun to juice every day. I claim the power over my body back.

Julia, I hope I am part of the helpers circle..? I did offer my help in any way I could so I am assuming that I am. If not please sign me up!

Amen Tracy! I couldn’t agree with you more. I think there are so many times in women’s lives where we fall victim to not only giving up our power, but mistakenly allow others to define who we are. We are not defined by our past, our marital status, our professions, or other moms. We need to define ourselves by who WE decide we are and want to be.

For me the greatest value of something like this is to take this as yet another opportunity to give ourselves permission to be our own advocates, and the peace and understanding that WE know, as visionary mamas what is best for us. Throughout this entire journey, I have yet to have a doctor talk with me about nutrition, herbs, or any non-chemical thing I could do to increase chances for pregnancy. I realized that if I didn’t advocate for myself and the baby I longed for no one would. I hope others will look at this as an opportunity to take charge, rather than an a firm message with no options.

Thank you Julia for writing this. I have printed the New Yorker article with intention to read as well.

Well the easy answer to one question about who profits from articles like this is those performing IVFs, people making the drugs for IVFs, etc. I grew up thinking if you broke your arm you go to the doctor to fix it. If you have a cold the same thing is true. When it came to fertility, I expected to have a similar response from the doctor. At first they threw at me whatever they had in the medicine bag to fix me. As time went by, to cover themselves, I became the “bad” patient, something was wrong with me and somehow I got the feeling it was my fault but there was nothing I personally could do to deal with it. As I investigated alternative treatments, I have to agree with Butterfly faith that the response was very dismissive – like we all know this alternative method probably won’t help and I’ve tried everything I’ve got and that didn’t work so you might as well give up. No one ever dug deeper into my emotions, what might be contributing in diet, etc. I was just advised to seek counseling if the stress was too much.

I have been working with A Council of Babies Fertile Heart imagery II and Defend and Receive body truth. I have heard the babies say don’t toss me aside when challenges come your way. I am still listening. I encountered a beautiful orphan this morning – a friend triggered something that felt like it was inferred that I was not good enough, devoted enough to my faith. I guess that triggered my You’re not good enough in general orphan. I spent some time calming myself down and trying to discover the most visionary way to respond. Things are pretty much resolved so I am grateful for that. A visionary calling to be born for me is the one who takes adequate (or more) time for eating and sleeping. I also purchase some coconut oil and looked up some recipes It really hit me that the orphan lives in the past or the future. That was really good. The Babies were also saying don’t overthink.

I share many of everyone’s sentiments regarding this article and Julia’s response. I received this article on my medical news feed. There was also a companion article with research from Britain showing that nine IVF cycles may be the ticket. My “too old and paralyzed by indecision orphan” reared her lovely head and made me once again question everything. Why am I not pressing forward with IVF while I am still under 40? Why am I ignoring the facts of my case? I am 38 with four years of unexplained infertility and three failed IVFs under my belt. Face the facts Suzanne!! This is never going to work and you need to call the nearest IVF facility and start as many cycles as you can.

But then, slow down, breathe, think. I stopped IVF cycles because even though I hadn’t formally met her yet, my visionary said, this isn’t the right path. You need to work on other parts of your life first. You need to love and forgive yourself, accept your choices and mistakes and take a little more responsibility – stop feeling like a feather adrift in whatever wind carries you.

This is my orphan – the one who feels unloved, unworthy, alone and isolated, at the whim of an unfair universe. I realized with such clarity when Julia talked about the orphan who can’t see the present, only the past and future, that she has so much control in my life and always has. I am walking on the river on a beautiful winter day with my dogs and my husband, feeling life and energy. And then she says…..wait a minute, you shouldn’t be enjoying this. You should be worried about being alone and unhappy in the future. You should worry that you are making the wrong decisions. My shoulders slump and my face falls. She is in control.

But maybe I am starting to change that. I have made many false starts with the Fertile Heart Practice. A few months there, a few weeks here, then discouraged and mad at myself, telling myself I am a failure. When Julia challenged me on the first call of this series to make a commitment, to sit on the bench, my visionary heard loud and clear. I am sustaining my practice with our circle’s help. And for that I am so grateful. I read the blog and responses every day. Both my visionary and my orphan hear and feel so much of what is said. My visionary is becoming stronger, at least more days than before, and is saying, enjoy and love this moment, whatever you have. Engage in your community.

I worked with Jailbreak for two weeks and found it so freeing. At first my jail cell was safe and warm. I didn’t want to leave. And then I started looking around and thinking this is hell. This is where I am now and I want out! It felt good!! Now onto Learning How to Ask and Elbows First. I love swinging my elbows with a smile on my face.

I want to thank all of you for our circle – Julie and all Visionary Mamas. I love your orphans too and want to help heal them. I am excited for this year as we swing our elbows for our children and this world.

I so get why people will keep going back for IVF after IVF – despite the physical, emotional, and financial challenges of it – and not look at how to use all the other tools out there which can support body, mind and spirit, and lead to a healthy baby: In a way it is so much easier to just follow the path your doctor prescribes, and to not really have to make any decisions for yourself. I have nothing against IVF (I’d be doing it myself if it wasn’t for a mix of age and other health concerns), but it bothers me that people do it blindly and without looking at other ways to support fertility. But this delving into yourself, this FH work is so rich but also hard as it requires you to take charge of yourself, to really learn to listen (and to get intimate with all the orphans of course), and to sometimes not even be even sure of what the next step is, even when you are listening deeply. It is like Meeting Your Child Halfway, the imagery I’ve come back to recently, where you walk out of the comfort of your home into an unknown terrain, without a map or any directions…

After reading this, I had a dream I had chosen to try IVF. (In waking reality it’s an option I’m beginning to consider, having found a clinic who offers ART to women who have high FSH and undetectable AMH.) In the dream, it wasn’t the scary process I’ve imagined (I have a needle phobia and am generally a bit wary of anyone in a white coat). I didn’t totally trust the doctor though, and thought he may be pretending to retrieve the eggs, but I went ahead with it anyway! I was very upset once I understood that eggs would be taken out of my body, but then the feeling of the tiny life in my belly was amazing. I woke up smiling and rubbing my belly. I went back to sleep shortly after and had another dream, where my mother had died. We have a difficult relationship (which I’m working on as part of my FH path) and there was an intense and confusing mix of feelings in the dream. Last night I dreamt I helped a woman give birth in the parking lot of a hospital, while her female partner was looking for a place to park the car. I’m planning on exploring these dreams using the questions in Fertile Female, but I already know I need to be in a different place in myself before I can try the IVF.

My waking response to this blog is just mild incredulity at the blindness caused by the insistence that evidence-based medicine, with its reliance on statistics and percentages, is the only way to health and truth. It completely ignores the complexity of each individual life, and indeed the individuality of the doctors too, never mind the mysterious ways of healing. I think this rigid, false confidence in statistics and technofixes might be what makes many doctors so insensitive to the impact their words and behaviours have on their wonderfully unique individual clients/patients. I had a scan a few days after my last period, at the IVF clinic I mentioned. The doctor found one antral follicle and a hemorraghic cyst in my right ovary. As he moved the probe to look at my left ovary, I said “this one tends to be a bit quieter” (meaning I don’t feel it ovulating often). “Oh it’s COMPLETELY quiet.” he said after a cursory look. “Nothing there at all.” And then, while encouragingly saying “at least you have one follicle; that’s better than none” he said “but we don’t know if that one will even become an egg.” He suggested I try no more than two rounds of IVF so that I “at least know I’ve tried”, informing me it could take many months before they retrieve an egg as my cycles are so irregular. He did add that he’s seen miracles in the clinic, including a woman of 47 with similar ‘numbers’ to me. It was shocking to me (still) that he didn’t want to know anything about me except numbers and measurements. Clearly I will need to reframe all of this before I try, but now on day 46 since my last period, a return of intense hot flushes and no signs of ovulation, I wonder how deep his words went. I also notice that having been given an option to try, it seems my body has retreated further from ovulation. I clearly have a lot of work to do.

I’ve only just found Supporting Ovulation, and Cyst Free, on the Imagery CDs, despite looking for something like that before(!) and have been doing those each day. I’ve had more energy since and even noticed a slight change in CM on the first day. These exercises have no doubt also contributed to my dreams these past couple of nights.

I was just reading an article on how, while in the womb, cells from the baby can travel into the mother’s blood (and heart) and stay there for many years. The mother’s cells can also be found in her child many years after birth. Also cells from twins can be found in each other, including one famous story of a woman who didn’t know she was a twin as her twin had sadly died early in the pregnancy. (She only discovered this when trying to prove the paternity of her child. It was quite a shock -understatement- to discover the child didn’t have her genetic profile. I think this is the case that sparked all the recent research.) This is yet more information showing how mothering through pregnancy is so much more than genetics, even at a cellular level. Now information is coming to light on how a baby’s cells actually contribute to wound healing in the mother. Her child’s cells have been found in ordinary wounds and even cancer tumors. Apparently these cells are attempting to contribute to the healing response of the mother’s body, and I imagine the mother’s cells may have an equally important role in the child’s body. Babies bring so much healing and it’s an amazing thought that compassion is an instinct embodied at a cellular level. I’m thinking of the fertile heart mamas who are pregnant right now; MiraculousLife and RachelSF, and what an incredible meeting, exchange and bonding is happening, on so many levels. So that’s my other response to this blog: There’s all this amazing and mysterious stuff that so many in the medical industry are barely awake to. How lucky are we to have our eyes open on this journey.

Heartsease – Thank you for sharing your story in more detail. I couldn’t agree more with your thoughts about medicine and doctors. It really seems that we are not much more than our numbers and age. I am *so* glad that you are learning more, working with the imagery, understanding that you are so much more than these numbers. Your dreams sound so important and like guideposts. Your dreams are full of life! That is very exciting. Please share more if you are comfortable, as you explore these dreams or have new ones.

Thanks Julia and Sparxy, I find the process of writing these comments really helpful, and it’s lovely to feel heard and connected with this special community. Looking forward to connecting on the teleconference next Monday; I’ve really missed our calls and the voices of the lovely GMT mamas.

I started a new imagery and body truth tonight. I picked out one that I have not used before for imagery: issues in your tissues! I loved it. however when picturing the screen I could not see anything at all it was just black. I will keep working on it. The body truth I picked was “my mother not myself”. I thought of first of lying down but I ended up standing up for this one and actually moved around alot more thant I thought I would!

My plan this week is to look more into some lab work I had done recently (vitamin stuff not fertililty labs). Also I am pretty tired so I plan on getting a solid 8hrs of sleep when I can. I also asked my husband tonight to do the couples call that is coming up. He agreed! yea!

It would be interesting to see how that imagery (Issues in Your Tissues) changes for you, and what dreams it evokes. Be sure to email me before the next call if you want to work on this. My Mother Not Myself Body Truth is one sequence I work with every few weeks. Would be interested to hear how that goes as well.

I will definitely let you know what comes up! thank you!! I really like mother not myself. I have dabbled with that one before but I think I will stick with it the entire week I am doing issues in my tissues!

Damn! Talk about anxiety! I read this article before Julia blogged about it, and I knew as soon as I read it that Julia would be flipping out–as she rightly should. As we all rightly should. This article does nothing but fuel the collective panic. It tells us that if you’re under 40, GREAT! Keep exploding your ovaries as many times as you can and you “probably” will have a baby. If you’re over 40, well, too bad. You’re screwed. This article is like protein powder to my orphans. It absolutely validates all of the scared, whispered, screamed worries they hiss at me daily. Now I’m sliding back into the habit of letting them have first dibs at every scene, emotion, reaction. Even seeing people’s FSH results is triggering their howling! The other day, I even got slapped with a double-whammy: A not-very-fit mom shopping with her two boys and her newborn daughter along with her fit and healthy mom. OUCH!! But I took a Visionary step and chatted with both of them as our kids played and my orphan jealousy quickly evaporated. Score one for the Visionary! But then this article is published and it’s like the anvil that gets dropped by the Roadrunner on top of the Coyote’s head. My orphans cry out “What’s the point? IVF can’t even help you, even if you go for a baker’s dozen tries.” Another orphan cries out “Yes it can! You made eggs on Clomid! Go sign up for the frequent-flier program and get a discount on IVF attempts! You can be one of the 4% if you drug yourself up enough!” And quietly, in the back of the loud and obnoxious mob, is my Visionary. She’s willing everyone to shut the hell up and just calm down. Stop reacting and start acting. I’m working with Sacred Choices to stop reacting to every emotion and statistic and fear. It must be helping because while I do swim in the pity and worry pool, I don’t live there most days.

Yet this article, as a whole, does not address the most challenging question I have (and I’m sure many moms do): WHY would persistence pay off in this situation? Why does it work on Try #6 vs Try #1? What made the difference? Why does it work at all vs natural conception in women without structural issues?

I learned a lot about the medical world when my mom was sick. And there is one thing that was clear: There is very little room in most medicine these days for the mind/body/spirit connection. Even back when I went to my last RE and I told him about Fertile Heart (which I had just started dabbling with at the time), he said “Well sure, if it makes you feel better and relaxes you. Anything that relaxes you is good. Go get a massage.” That was the extent of the mind/body/spirit connection that was discussed. For years, I do believe that is what is missing in my journey to complete our family. But my orphans doubt that piece will be found in time.

But like my Visionary began saying late last year, “why the hell not?”

Sweet Butterflyfaith, I love your eloquent comments! I’m also going to offer a different word for what I hope I’m doing and what all of us are called to do. “Flipping out” is what the powers-that-be would like us to do. The image of women “flipping out” is not the image I want to perpetuate about me or you or any women activists. Orphans flip out, adults speak up for what they believe in and then act on those beliefs.
I love you!
Julia

Light bulb!! You are so right, Julia! Thank you for the reminder that words have such power. As a writer I should know this, but I don’t practice it. I struggle to hear what and how I speak to myself. I often need someone to point it out and then it’s clear as a bell. Like “flipping out.” I can’t tell you how many times I have said that phrase about myself in this journey. Probably every time I got my period, felt a cramp, was a day late, saw a pregnant person, etc. etc. And yet I would always wonder how the orphans ruled the show…all the while I was speaking in their language and not realize it. I love how easily and clearly you can clarify things! And I love you too, my midwife/teacher/mentor/friend. Can’t wait to work with you in this bright new year.

I’ve read this article and am upset at the thought of so many women having the same problem in conceiving and this makes me wonder why??? I myself have had 5 attempts at IVF and although successful on implantation they all failed in the pregnancy. This has cost a lot of money and especially a lot of heartache. I was 32 when I first got pregnant naturally and I was always career minded so pregnancy was a shock. But I was excited and nervous but at 11 weeks I had a miscarriage and from then on I chased getting pregnant again. We tried for 2 years with no success when we were referred. All tests showed we were both ok so we planned to start IVF. This wasn’t easy but we were successful on first try but again at 11 weeks it failed and resulted in another miscarriage. We had another attempt and again at 10 weeks we miscarried which then started investigations into why this was happening at the same stage. This showed I had Factor V Leiden a clotting disorder which now increased my anxieties and worries. I had one frozen embryo attempt which failed with the treatment for the disorder which failed again then I got pregnant naturally at 40 years old and was over the moon but again it resulted in a miscarriage but at 8 weeks and this was a chromosomal disorder. I haven’t given up hope as I am now 42 and hope to get pregnant again soon but I know it’s gunna be hard for me emotionally and mentally. I like to follow this site as it has some good tips and guidance.

These articles make me cringe and fill me with anxiety. I have had every doctor look at my test results and recommend IVF or at the least an IUI. Something inside of me keeps telling me its not the way to go. I use Julias tools, read her book and surround myself with only positive thoughts knowing that I can overcome this and conceive all on my own. I just finished reading Wishes Fulfilled by Wayne Dyer. I strongly recommend it.
Blessed in 2016 ;)

I share so many of the experiences and sentiments of the visionary mamas above that I hardly feel a need to write anything myself. But, I will try to do Julia’s assignment tonight from the circle (a bit out of order). 1. Who is the visionary calling to be born? The visionary calling to be born in me right now is one who can find, hear and truly know the small line of truth that runs within that problematic piece of journalism we just read: persistence pays off. The reason I need to work with this visionary belief so much is because of question #2 – Who is the orphan that is dominating me right now? The orphan in me is currently very scared that, in the end, she will have spent years living in an obsessional and delusional land of “trying to get pregnant” instead of enjoying and focusing on the life she had. If I knew right now I wouldn’t get pregnant, I’d quit accupuncture, stop spending a fortune on supplements, stop reading ridiculous numbers of articles about gut health (my poor husband is probably dying of boredom after asking the question: whatcha reading?). Instead, I’d devote my life to my work, my family and the activism I’ve put off until “I have more time.” I would drink red wine and coffee again and go for runs during the luteal phase. My orphan is scared that I’m wasting my time – that I’m one of the 4% over 40 who spend a fortune on IVF and don’t get any results. In the end, I’m not choosing IVF. I’m getting super healthy (two steps forward one step back style) and working on my spiritual and psychological wellness. That brings me back around to the visionary issue. The visionary calling to be born can not only know in her cells that persistence pays off. She can also TRUST that all this work will never be seen as wasted time. It’s too valuable to be just about a baby. The visionary remembers that the reason I want a baby has to do with happiness – and increasing wellness is critical for that. The visionary knows that this game is a win-win. She just has to remember that she will will deeply enjoy the prize – even if she can’t be sure right now exactly what that is.

WOW! As a woman who just turned 44, has good FSH, AMH and husband with normal test results I still recently sought advice from RE because of 4 miscarriages. We were told we had 65% success rate with IVF with my eggs. So why haven’t we jumped ahead and done this??? Because in my heart and soul and spirit it just doesn’t feel right. I had horrible anxiety as my husband and I walked into the appointment to see the RE. My entire body felt tense as I scanned the room, only to see others who seemed tired and anxious. I know this option is what some others choose and I do not judge them at all. I hope that more couples hear and understand that the success can be so affected by the emotional component. How many of these clinics performing IVF also offer any type of emotional support / therapy? Do any of them or the insurance companies address this component?
I am continuing to learn, as I follow Fertile Heart practice, that it is so much more important to listen to my body (UM) than to ANYONE else. I am astounded to hear about couples who have gone through repeated failed IUI’s and IVF’s and have suffered so much. I strongly believe the mind, body. spirit connection is the missing link for so many couples. I pray that many more will hear of this amazing work and become a part of this supportive FH community before they decide to undergo ART.
– Tana

This just goes to show you how REs and IVFs are so all over the place. I’m like you–it just didn’t feel right to go that route and every single IUI I had (2) was so incredibly stressful. I was 42 at the time, had just had a miscarriage about 6 months prior and I went to three different REs. One told me that with my good FSH and “normal for my age” AMH, I could do great with a mini IVF protocol. Then his partner told me I needed to do a full-blown IVF to even have a chance at a few eggs, if that. Another then didn’t even look at my lab results, only my birthday. He told me I had a 2% chance with IVF. This was before he even examined me or looked at my records. Then he gave me Clomid and my ovaries popped out nearly a half-dozen eggs. He was shocked and said “Wow, well I guess we can increase your odds to 4%!” This, as you can imagine, made me very hesitant to go back. I felt like NOTHING but a number. One RE even told me to basically stop this losing venture because I already had kids and I should just be happy with that. I wish I was kidding. Your post really hit something on the head for me–the part about the mind/body/spirit connection. Yes! I too believe that is what is missing with me. I need to hone in on that over and over again, because so often I forget that’s the missing piece. Blessings to you and all the mamas in 2016.

This blog couldn’t have been more timely. I start IVF meds for our next baby(ies) on Friday. I’ve heard the statistics but have never been told to consider donor eggs. I’m 43 and my day 3 fsh was 3.9. It is with absolute confidence that I say the OVUM practice is a big part of that. When my head wasn’t on straight my tests were mediocre. This was the case with my first cycle of IVF which failed. Then I met fertile heart, took what felt like an eternity to do the work and my next cycle was successful. It is easier to do the checklist of six IVF cycles than to birth our best self. This stuff is scary and tough but so much more rewarding in the end.

Sure… so, who should one write that $120,000 check to? Let me see, one would have to cash in their retirement and most can’t retire until they are 65 years( 20 + years from now)so that won’t work…hmmm. But it is so great to know it would MIGHT ONLY take 6 cycles. Sigh… and as always I just simply adore those statistics, which I personally think can’t be trusted because every single person has a unique body chemistry. Forgive the sarcasm but I can’t help but sigh and shake my head at the article in the link above. Why should anyone expect to endure that many cycles? And who can possibly afford them?

I personally think insurance should cover anything reproductive related and it should be at the patient’s discretion, as she is the one who knows her body best and what she feels she can and cannot handle.

I am nothing but grateful for modern science and holistic treatments alike, eastern and western medicine, for all the interventions that are possible but I find it so disheartening that ART itself has become something few can afford. I can’t tell you how many Links have been sent to me on GoFundMe about helping others to cover costs and reading over and over again that these people have been told ART is their ONLY OPTION- it’s just a vicious cycle ( no pun intended) and that they are already banking on it being a miracle fix -it- all but knowing the reality of that is far from the truth.

I can only hope for change in so many respects. It’s still overwhelming to me on so many levels.

The timing of this blog really is serendipitous. The line of “Maybe the deepest message of this study is to remind ourselves once again how essential it is for us to claim our power as the key change-makers of our bodies and lives.” I have a story to share that goes hand in hand with this.

I had a friend pass away on Jan 1st this year. She was only 43. I used to work with her and then she left work after having her first baby. I knew with her first baby it took awhile to have the baby and then she had the baby via IVF. (I am unsure of how many tries) She became pregnant with her 2nd child rather quickly and at 38 had her 2nd child. However throughout her 2nd pregnancy she was having rectal bleeding rather frequently. She told her OB GYN who discarded this as hemorrhoids because of pregnancy. This continued and she continued to complain of it and they told her the same thing “it is just hemorrhoids”. After she had the baby this continued and she finally had to demand a colonoscopy. She woke up from the procedure with the physician telling her she had a very sizable tumor in her bowel. She was immediately staged and at diagnosis she had stage 4 cancer. This was 5 years ago. The statistics would tell her she only had an 8% chance of surviving another 5 years. She did make the 5 year mark but at that time she was ready to move on to palliative care.

When I saw her again while getting diagnosed and starting cancer treatment – she told me she “knew something was wrong” She just knew it but since the MDs were telling her hemmorrhoids she believed it was hemorrhoids. Besides they told her she did not have a family history of the colon cancer her chance of having it was low.

Because of this and after demanding her colonoscopy that would show the disease – She was very very vocal in telling people to always listen to their bodies and you have to be your own advocate in your health. She was a huge advocate in her cancer treatment. challenging her physicians to work with her while deciding best treatment options.

I dont know why I am sharing this other than she left this earth a fighter. She was a huge advocate for herself throughout her cancer treatment and would make decisions with her health care team. It is encouraging to see b/c unfortunately I do not see that everyday in my work.

I think in the fertility world this happens a lot too and I know Julia has spoken alot about it. It is so important for us to be our own advocates and we know our bodies much better than any other person would.

I want to be clear too I am not bashing the medical community. I am a nurse myself. However I know how chaotic it can be seeing alot of patients in a day and keeping track of who is where with what and what is going on with them.

I want to honor my friend in many ways – I will be taking more and more initiative in my own health and fertility! I love the line that Julia says “we can get the advice or consult of any “expert” – “however in the end we need to do our own thinking!”

I have just turned 42 and I am preparing to do my first IVF cycle a few weeks. Useless to say, the article with the 4% success perspective for women over forty stopped my heartbeat for a few seconds. I go through moments of great hope and confidence into everything I am doing to put my body and spirit in the best shape to welcome my so much wanted and loved baby, but then I have moments of pure panic when I think what if and read articles like this one. I reread the stories of women in the FH community that have conceived naturally after unsuccessful IVFs to tell myself that there is always the other road I can explore beyond the clinical one, but now that I haven taken this path for several reasons, I am trying to do this the best I can. The practice helps me nourish my hope and positive energy, but sometimes these fearful orphans become overwhelming and out of control (I almost feel a wave of heat going through my body). Is there anyone else going through the same phase or feelings who would like to share suggestions or specific practices or imagery you do when the panic takes over?

I understand your fears. Disregard what the article says about the statistics (there’s even an imagery exercise for that). I delivered my daughter (ivf conceived) at 42. I’m going back to the clinic this month to make our next baby. I’ll be 44 or older when the next one arrives. When the fears really hit, dig deep into your imagery and body truth practices.

I am wondering if I should go ahead with an in vitro cycle, and reading the NYT article was unpleasant. I have been doing an imagery that was helpful to me in the last couple of weeks, which is Doorway to the Expert Within (on the first Imagery CD), and I did it with the following one on that CD, which is Possibility – where you imagine a spot in your body that says a pregnancy is not possible and then one that says that it is possible. It really helped me to calm myself when I was overwhelmed with fearful orphans questioning my choices.

Whoa!! So finally a study has been made public to be prepared for 3-5 IVF failures. Excellent !
What will be left out in our body post that?
1.5yrs back I had a conversation with a friend of mine who said that her medical insurance doesn’t allow her to go for IVF, until and unless she has 6 IUI failures. That statement itself was so shocking to me. And my friend initially hoped for the IUIs to work. After 2 failures, she started desperately waiting for the rest 4 to fail so that she can quickly reach to IVF, thinking it to be a miracle baby generating procedure. I was so shocked to see how the study, the insurance companies, the REs, who are the so called experts all tune our mind to accept multiple failures for what we really long for.
This specific questionable study is very scary and thought provoking. I hope it evokes the deepest, all knowing UM in every couple who is travelling through this path to really judge the article & understand who is really benefiting from such scams.
I just feel grateful to GOD for giving me the right amount of pain and yet providing me enough intelligence coupled with discriminating power between what to chose and what not to. Otherwise, I would have been a member of the sheep herd following such studies.

It’s been a 5 year journey. Today I can say I am glad I stood my ground and I followed what felt right to me. I am a very different person, and I will be a much better mom. This has been a life lesson for me, and a huge part of it, I learned through the Fertile Heart Ovum practice.