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Nota Bene

Our modern relationships have nothing to do anymore with the one our grandparents, or even our parents went through. Years of fights for equality have completely changed the relationships between men and women. Sometimes for the best, sometimes for the worst.
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Exploring the highs and lows of relationships

The group that affects your love life

Group thinking has been proven in my many studies to influence a lot the way we act. We see that a lot with teenagers, who develop a dress code and even a special language between their group. I’ve heard many times one of my friends complaining about the way his teenager dresses. “All of his friends also wears that stupid Justin Bieber hairstyle, those tight jeans and that chain coming out of their pocket. It’s like he has zero personality“he says.

Even when we’re adults, we still get influenced a lot by the group we relate to. That’s why it’s important to carefully choose your group.

When it comes to our love life, it’s also important to choose the group you’re staying with. Especially if you’re single.

Spending your time with a group of single friends, who view the opposite sex as a) losers b) idiots c) bastards … will make you think that way, and this could ruin your chance to meet the one. One of my friends told me the story of his coworker, who spent the time bashing men on the phone at work with her girlfriends. “I could hear her say that men should be treated with no respect. That they were only good for sex and that she couldn’t expect more from them. As a result, I often saw her dressed almost like a whore when she had a date after work. And her love life got pitiful, because she only picked the wrong kind of men” he said.

Spending all of your time with men, when you’re a woman, can also be detrimental to your love life. For another kind of reason. One of my friends spent most of her time with four men, her best friends as she said. Yet, she’s still single. From time to time, their friendship doesn’t resist the test of alcohol and she has ended up sleeping with two of her friends (not a the same time!) but she never managed to turn that into a real relationship. She told me she likes spending time with them because they are sooo fun. As a social worker, she needs this kind of distraction, she said. “I see so much misery with my job, I need to clear that out of my head” she added.

But groups can have a positive effect on you too. I remember when I was a student, I needed to study among all the other students at the library. It helped me remaining concentrated. I didn’t need to speak to the others. But their quiet presence helped me to remain focused on my notes.

The same can be applied to our love life. By surrounding ourselves with people who really believe in love, this can affect the way we think about love positively.