Sunday, January 20, 2013

Its been a little over a month since I've written anything, and it just seems unreal how time flies by. Last I wrote I was sick, which I continued to be for 3 weeks. Hadn't been sick like that in over 2.5 years. So dealt with not being able to workout those weeks. It was killing me. For the first time in my life I wanted to workout, but couldn't. Maybe sounds silly but I'd lay at night imagining myself run and do different routines. Somehow still visualizing myself as this healthy person that I am becoming. Throughout, I didn't eat horribly. I still cooked and a "friend" I was spending time with was supportive in the cooking and helping me watch what I ate. I was spending a lot of time with this "friend", so I have to mention him.
I had signed up for some training when I joined this gym, so after I was sick, I made my first appointment with my new trainer, Alfredo. I met him through a friend and he is simply awesome. When I weighed in, I had actually lost 5lbs. I was so excited since I had been so sick and unable to be active. I was proud that somehow I had been able to maintain a watch on my food intake. So we took measurements and had a great chat about my goals and how hes going to support me through my process. He also required me to start logging everything I eat. Times, what food and where the food is from. Needless to say that first week was a great moment of realization. My log needed some improving. That in itself has been motivating. The goal was to have a week, where I looked at the log and could say, "Yes, this is the way a healthy person eats". and so be it. Every week my log was improving. I was very honest on the log. Even when I shared a cookie with a friend for moral support. Haha..Or had some gummy bears at the movies.
Recently, I let go of my "friend". It was truly an unhealthy situation for me. A lot of realizations came to surface with that experience with him. I spent all of my holidays with him, since my family was in Colombia. Actually, these were the toughest holidays of my life. In general, 2012 was a very challenging year. First actual year without my family close by. Not really a place to call home, financial struggles, men challenges,etc etc. So far 2013, started with the end of many of those challenges. So I'm grateful for that aspect. I now feel like I'm "home" with my best friend Erika and her family. Their amazing for opening their doors to me. It's actually had a huge impact on my quality of life. That level of stability was really missing from my life.

The end was really on my 31st birthday...(Which if you dont know is also the birth of my nephew, Marco Andres Ortiz. Not my literal nephew because nor my brother or sister have kids. But, Jessica is like a sister to me, therefore, her son is my Sobrino.) The point is that on my birthday I realized I really needed to get out of this situation. By saying g'bye to this "friend", it gave me space to truly say hello to taking care of Ana. After a night of uncontrollable, ridiculous sobbing, I woke the next morning and decided that I would start focusing more on bettering myself in all ways and I would start by changing the way I eat drastically. I would only allow myself one carb a day and it would be a healthier choice of a carb. and that it would have to be eaten before 3pm to give myself that time to burn it. Then two days after that decision, I started chatting with my old boss who used to run his own weight loss clinic. He recommended I read up on the Paleo Diet. The general gist of it is NO SUGAR. So focuses on protein, veggies and nuts. A "hunters and gatherers" type of eating. I haven't read up on it yet, but I have already started to make those adjustments. Now I'm not one to totally say g'bye to the foods that I love. But I do believe in a healthy ratio. Something to 90/10. Eat really healthy 90% of the time and indulge 10%. and even in the indulgences, they should still be healthier choices. Yesterday was a little out of my regime, but I'm ok with it. Had dinner with Alejo and family. Had yummy Pad Thai. I enjoyed every bite and did not feel guilty. I just put it towards my 10% and moved on..lol I'm not good with extremes of things. I believe in finding that balance that works for you. So because I eat one carb a day, there's no missing of that food group. So there's not that urge to binge on it. Week one has been easy and exciting. Trying to get creative and find ways to eat healthy and convenient. Never thought I'd be eating almonds and carrots the way I do now. lol Saying no to sugar isn't easy. So I don't think of it as I CAN'T have it, just that I dont WANT it. Ridiculous how you have to trick yourself into these things. It feels really good to be taking care of myself the way that I am. Alfredo and Jenny have been great support systems through all of it. I'm grateful.
2013 has also surfaced new a couple new personal challenges..This x "friend" helped surface topics such as, "where the hell is my self-esteem?" and "what the hell is so scary about making and keeping commitments?" . That's a totally different blog that I will be starting soon, but in the meantime, I just wanted the people that follow here to know that I'm still on track. I don't know my total loss yet, but I can see it in the mirror and I can feel it. So I know the numbers are going in the right direction. :)
Wishing everyone a love-filled day and here's wishing that 2013 bring many, many rewards.
Thank you for reading.
Pics coming soon!!!