Monday, February 20, 2012

Time seems to be going at the speed of light lately. Phoenix is changing every day. Every day he giggles in a new way or I notice a different hand gesture. And just like that he's four months old. It feels like this first year is blowing past me. Like if I blink again, I will be at his first birthday party. It's such a constant struggle.
I remember when he was just a tiny six weeks old, a girlfriend told me that it's always so bittersweet wanting to be excited for your baby to reach a milestone and at the same time, hold onto that little newborn. It's something I find myself thinking everyday. It's almost impossible to take enough photos and video to capture how I feel in this moment. It's just been the sweetest and most heart achingly challenging four months I can imagine.
Remember when we were moving to Los Angeles? Well...we didn't.
A month after P was born, we gave up our tiny apartment in the East Village and temporarily moved in with my parents in New Jersey. We meant only to stay through the holidays and then move in January but it never happened. Christmas came and went, we were surrounded by all the faces of the people who love us most, who fell in love with our little boy, and we couldn't take him away from that.
We realized how difficult it would be for us having our parents so far from their sweet grandson and we wanted them to be a major part of his life. That would't happen with us being so far away.
So with heavy hearts, but a renewed sense of calm, we gave up California for now and decided to move back in with our girl New York. She's always there for us. And even when she gives us a hard time and we walk away from her, she takes us back with open arms.
So the last few weeks were filled with searching across rivers, boroughs, and neighborhoods for a new home. This time for three. This means making sure there are no live wires sticking out of the walls P will be learning to walk against, no nails coming out of the floor he will be crawling on, and enough sunshine to wake up to with a giggling baby each morning. And then, miraculously, we found that and so much more. It's as if New York was just waiting for us to come back. She was holding on to the best of her for us.
Thanks old friend. We're happy to come home.