In fact, as I mentioned in the GameSpy newsletter, I've been surprised by the chorus of EA-haters who have started up numerousanti-EAthreadsin the forums. Gamers are beginning to look at EA as some sort of dangerous grasping monopoly threatening originality and independent development in gaming.

But I'm here today to argue the other side. Look folks, companies grow until they either self-destruct or someone comes along to do it better, that's just good old fashioned Capitalism. I, for one, welcome our new corporate overlords. Not only do I support EA's moves, I'd also like to suggest a few of my own, in the hopes that I might secure a lucrative position at Sauron's right hand once they've blanketed the world in darkness.

Top 10 Things EA Should Buy Next

10. The Scroll Lock Key

The "Scroll Lock" key, known affectionately at "ScrLk," has been a fixture on standard PC keyboards since the DOS era -- back when it actually had a function. Nowadays it's of little use except for the occasional flight simulator. As such, EA can probably buy this key for a steal and gain lucrative placement on EVERY PC keyboard in the country. "ScrLk" could become a "Challenge Everything" button, or maybe just a hotkey to install and launch The Sims.

9. 10-Sided Dice

Obviously the 20-sided die is a hot commodity right now, and probably isn't ready to sell. But 10-siders present a perfect opportunity for EA to gain a foothold in the table-top roleplaying space, leveraging their way into the majority of game systems and pretty much owning the White Wolf games in the process. From there, EA can make a move on the d20, or even the cash-cow d6 that's the primary technology driving the casual boardgame market. Skip the d4: Nobody likes it.

8. Gary Bingham of Columbus, Ohio

During the booming economic climate of the late 90s, the French made an offer on Bingham but he turned them down. At the time he was working at a 7-11 and going to night school, so things seemed to be on the up-and-up. But Bingham has come on hard times since he was fired for sneezing on a whole tray of rotating hot dogs, and nowadays he's available for a steal. Gary is perfectly positioned for a buyout and his parents are eager to offload the property.

7. The Little Shoe from Monopoly

The iron, the wheelbarrow, and the car have always maintained a strong market position, but the little shoe is poised for an upswing. I think that the shoe is undervalued right now, ripe for a merger opportunity. Let me just paint a picture: EA buys out the shoe and then signs an exclusive contract with the dog, then merges the two investments by placing the dog inside the shoe. That and the remaining two orange properties would be a powerful win in this market segment.

6. Graph Paper

Another way to gain a foothold in the table-top gaming space. Graph paper has been stagnant for years -- boxes, all the same -- and could really use a dose of innovation. Perhaps EA can change the squares into alternating Squares, Circles, and Triangles in deference to their old logo? That would challenge everything.

5. Jumping

Why stop at owning graphical engines? EA needs to move into licensing core game concepts. Once EA buys the exclusive rights to jumping, they'll have shut Nintendo and Sony out of their biggest moneymakers. Future platform games will have to be designed around elements such as crawling under stuff.

4. On/Off Switches

No, not in game, I mean actual, physical on/off switches. All electronic devices have them, meaning it's an ideal market for Electronic Arts. Furthermore, it's another industry where consolidation can make a big impact. ALL of your devices have an on/off switch. What wasted resources. EA can merge them into a big switch that turns off everything. Or, they can experiment with unique new business models, such as switches that turn on for free but require a micropayment to turn off, unless you pay a monthly "all you can switch" subscription fee.

3. Your Mamma Jokes

EA has always embraced urban culture, placing up and coming hip-hop music in its games and even publishing titles like Def Jam Vendetta. Licensing the rights to Your Momma snaps is simply good business sense. They can drop that "Challenge Everything" slogan entirely in favor of "EA Games: Yo mamma's so dumb she thought fruit punch was a gay boxer."

2. Warehouse Levels

Lesser companies might try to license the crate, an obligatory piece of hardware in just about every first-person shooter ever made. But EA has the financial wherewithal to simply buy out the concept of warehouses in games, thus forcing major licensing fees on anyone who wants to abuse this tired FPS cliché. That would be a win for everybody.

1. The National Anthem

What premium placement! The National Anthem is sung before EVERY sporting event, making it a perfect tie-in for EA Sports. And once again, consolidation can really help the industry. Do you know that every country in the world has a separate National Anthem? Many of them are very old. EA could start buying them up and merge them into a single National Anthem. Imagine before every ball game, Gary Bingham stepping up to the microphone and singing:

EA can you see?Your mamma so fat,She wears a VCRAs her beeper, snapWhen your aunt had twins,Your mamma named them,She named one DeniseAnd the other Denephew.