Survive

I’ve tried my best to say as optimistic as possible in regards to what I’m currently dealing with at work. Everything happened so fast and before I knew it, the most turbulent three weeks of my career started on Monday. It gets better. Everything eventually gets better, but I can’t help but worry over just how bad is it going to get first. How badly am I going to perform during this time. How poorly will others at my job think of me once this is all done and over with. I’m doing the best that I can with what I’ve been given and my abilities, but I keep getting dealt crappier hands than before.

And I’m so tired. I’m so mentally drained and just exhausted by it all. I can deal with the stress-induced appetite loss, the way the female body likes to react to high levels of stress… but what I ultimately don’t deal well with is when I find myself creatively mute. I’m so mentally spent, that I can’t produce anything in any creative outlet. I feel silenced. I caught myself this evening just staring at a cross walk signal countdown from the front passenger seat of the car I was in. As the numbers changed, all the lights and the intersection seemed surreal. I just stared and wondered if maybe I would wake up from a bad dream and realize that my boss never quit. Realize that the responsibility of doing my job, my boss’s job, and that of another member of management… all during a time that the company is transitioning things, employees are turning in notices, and corporate visits are looming in the next few weeks… was just a really really bad dream. But it’s not. This is my current reality and I just hope I survive it and not loose my job.

No updates, no new pages, no new art…. Hopefully the next time I check in, things will be a little brighter.