Text from Phoebe to Crystal
Hm. Must be time for another little talk about evils of refined sugar.

Text from Crystal to Phoebe
Speaking of sweet things, noticed shadowy male figure in bathrobe thru window while dropping off box around 11 am. Could this be your lover? My lips are sealed, but you know how other neighbors will talk.

Text from Phoebe to Crystal
Did I mention Brad works from home?

Text from Crystal to Phoebe
That explains it. 🙂 Barely see George these days, as I’m usually asleep by time he gets in.

Text from Phoebe to Crystal
Have you tried instituting cocktail hour? My mother observed it w/o fail, and claims it encourages workaholic husbands to hurry home. Also makes the evening run smoother, even on days they can’t make. Just say the word, and I will ask Lata to mix up an extra Pisco Sour (or two).

Text from Crystal to Phoebe
Wasn’t sure what that was until I looked it up, but sounds just like what I might need.

Text from Crystal to Phoebe
Pisco = well worth the pump and dump. Thank you!

I wonder how many other mature adults have been lured by the simplicity of the “new” slow cooker? Shiny stainless steel and updated recipes sent me over the moon for mine. I immediately prepared chorizo stew, asparagus risotto and asian short ribs before deciding to conquer asian pho. My teen son and four friends feasted happily on my hours long concoction. I was feeling rather ebullient and even a little smug– who needs Pho 14 now bitches? When bragging about this accomplishment to a native east coast neighbor, however, my bubble was promptly burst. I was reminded that no one outside of the midwest considers any form of slow cooking virtuous, tasty or chic. I snapped a photo of my soup and a picture of my beautiful pot and was rewarded with the query, “Was that passed down from your midwestern grandmother?” After reassuring myself the relationship could be spared, and deleting said neighbor from my contact list, I retired to my bed to finish the quilt I am making for a baby shower. If only I could shake the feeling that you can take a girl out of the midwest but never a crock pot from her hands. I worry that I will soon be told my cookie exchange parties are a sign of age (and midwestern heritage) too. Ah well, perhaps curmudgeon is trending in DC?

Body image and self-esteem seem to be all the rage these days in expert parenting circles. I don’t recall so much of this in the early 80– unless you count my boyfriend’s mother telling me my Laura Ashley dress clearly showed that I had a “tendency” to pack on the pounds and should “start” to be careful. Crushed my mortal soul for sure but did also learn that the small pints of Haagen Dazs I ate at college indeed counted for very real calories no matter how much despair I felt in calculus class.

Now, I suppose, we’d know better than to point out anything with regard to the teenage body and simply hope code words like healthy and fit are enough to suggest our teen not keep a spoon in the half gallon of ice cream in the freezer for instant gratification purposes. I only wonder if in the process of building our kids’ self-esteem, we’ve failed to teach them about the real world. Sure, they see thin models with better clothes than theirs in magazines, but how to account for the cutting remark by their classmate about their “Kardashian sized” booty? Shouldn’t we better prepare them for the idea that there are better ways to manage stress than at the bottom of a bag of those perfect sized mini pitas?

I’m not suggesting, Phoebe, that I have any answers but have found myself wondering as I do my daily squat and bend routine to pick up snack wrappers if I’m doing no one any good (except, perhaps, MY Kardashian sized booty) by keeping quiet. I suppose the experts would say an honest conversation is not a bad idea if it avoids discussion of any current physical qualities and focuses only upon how to be more moderate in many habits. I do think my own “home school” would have to end with the very real lesson: Yes, dear teens, those ice cream calories ingested while standing at the freezer door using the spoon in the cartoon do count. Just look behind you to be sure of it. Thank god for all of us that the Kardashians have made it fashionable, at least.