84 comments:

Hope he'll be OK. Stuff, as they say, happens and driving in the dark can always be a challenge.

I really hate most SUVs; they're really trucks, but people approach them, for the most part, as if they were cars. Add to that the ever-present phone in the ear (not to mention people doing homework, reading maps, smoking and eating, and, my personal fave, applying eyeliner at 60 mph) and you have more near-misses than even God can manage.

Losing control while pulling out of one's own driveway, hitting a fire hydrant and then a tree, and suffering serious injuries without being under the influence of alcohol is a story as old as the automobile.

I hope that he's okay. Fight with the missus, perhaps. Passed out due to a medical condition, perhaps. Might have been attempting to drive to a hospital in lieu of having an ambulance come to his house.

Remember Rachel Uchitel? She's the one that Star Magazine said was doing illegal fucky times with the very-married David Boreanaz? Well, it looks like Rachel's bull dozer vagina is now wreaking havoc on Tiger Wood's picture perfect home.

According to the National Enquirer (insert obligatory side-eye here), Tiger has been stepping out on his wife of six years and his two children.

Your many clever jokes and jibes have brightened my day but I came here for some crass Asian driver humor and I am now leaving somewhat disappointed. This said, it would be only proper to mention that I have googled Rachel Uchitel and that I fully expect her to figure prominently in my dreams tonight and that I consider this something of a fair compensation.

Sleepwalkers arise from the slow wave sleep stage in a state of low consciousness and perform activities that are usually performed during the day. These activities can be as benign as sitting up in bed, walking to the bathroom, and cleaning, or as hazardous as cooking, driving, violent gestures, or even homicide.

Years ago, my best friend/neighbor was the wife of a professional athlete. They didn't follow the "normal" hours because they didn't have to. Especially in the off-season, they could do what they wanted when the mood struck them.

The Woods also have a baby at home. He could have been leaving the house for any number of reasons.

I'm certain that this unfortunate incident has an explanation that, when presented to the skeptical public, will cause it to be fully resolved.

It may well be that they had a heated discussion about who was the better singer, Miley Cyrus or Taylor Swift. This would not be unheard of. William and Hillary Clinton were known to engage in spirited discussions about whether the Cowsills were better singers than the Brady Bunch.

Young Eldrick will take a mulligan on his drive and they will live happily ever after.

AMBIEN and AMBIEN CR are treatment options you and your doctor can consider along with lifestyle changes. When taking either of them, don’t drive or operate machinery. Plan to devote 7 to 8 hours to sleep before being active. Sleepwalking, and eating or driving while not fully awake, with memory loss for the event, as well as abnormal behaviors such as being more outgoing or aggressive than normal, confusion, agitation, and hallucinations may occur. Don’t take it with alcohol as it may increase these behaviors.

Maybe he has an arrangement with a club that lets him show up in the wee hours when there aren't others around to bother him for autographs, etc. They turn on the lights at the putting green and he can tap one thousand practice puts, something he is known to do each day.

He had forgotten a driver, and Mrs. Woods was trying to wave him down and give it to him. he looked in the rear view mirror, lost track of the road and crashed.

They could have been fighting about any one of the million stupid things people get into silly fights about.

"What did you think of the turkey?""It was okay.""Okay?""Yeah, it was okay.""Just okay?""Look, it was fine.""Whatever.""What?""Nothing.""What?""Nothing. Leave me alone.""What? Oh, that's just great! I said it was okay!""That means you didn't like it!""So what?! Why are you harassing me about it?!""Because the only reason that you didn't like it was that we didn't eat it at your parents' house!""This again!""Well, I'm right aren't I?""Well, why DIDN'T we go there?""We can't go every year!""WHY NOT?!""MAYBE YOU SHOULD LIKE MY TURKEY!""MAYBE YOUR TURKEY SUCKS!""MAYBE YOU SUCK!""SCREW YOU!""SCREW YOU!"

Here's my reading. Woods came off some tournaments in China and Australia earlier this month. He's up late, can't sleep, decides to go get some Häagen-Dazs at the local gas station, swerves to miss a coyote, boom.

Not a serious accident. Airbags did not deploy. He appears to have mashed his mouth. Likely, he was not wearing a seatbelt. Maybe he was putting on his seatbelt at the time.

Maybe they were both in the car. Tiger driving and the wifey was riding shotgun. Shotgun? No, can't call it that. She was pretending to be the caddy, and he said: "wash my balls." She responded with: "I'll take this mashie (obsolete golf club) and smashie you face." Then, Tiger hit the fire hydrant. The wifey, not wearing her seat belt, was ejected from the car, then, still holding onto the mashie, attempted to reenter the car from the rear, by smashing the window. To be continued...

This morning's news reports suggest that the incident may be related to Tiger having a wandering penis, and that Tiger's facial wounds may have occurred within the friendly confines of the Woods residence.

Meanwhile, the National Enquirer discovered an attractive, buxom, New York socialite camping out in Europe recently, Spain I think, in same vicinity as Tiger Woods. Actually, she was apparently in the same city, the same hotel, the same room, and the same bed.

Which explains why the Lady Woods selected a driver rather than laying up.

My post yesterday that started with "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" was deleted from this list but that part seems to be correct. This may be what happened...

On Friday, TMZ.com reported that "multiple law enforcement sources" said there was a dispute between Woods and his wife before the accident.

Later in the day, TMZ reported that Woods spoke "with a non-law enforcement type" and said Elin Woods confronted him about marital infidelity rumors, scratched his face during an argument and, when he got into the SUV, struck it several times with a golf club.

Woods became "distracted," TMZ said, thought the SUV was stopped and turned around to see what was happening. That was when, TMZ said, the vehicle hit the fire hydrant and the tree.

"Saylor said his two officers found the 33-year-old Woods lying in the street with his wife, Elin, hovering over him.

Saylor said Woods’ wife told officers she was in the house when she heard the accident and “broke the back window with a golf club.” He said the front-door windows were not broken and that “the door was probably locked.”

“She supposedly got him out and laid him on the ground,” he said. “He was in and out of consciousness when my guys got there.”

"On the other hand, there's lots of creative people here who might come up with a feasible scenario."

Well, they're clearly getting some good legal advice now.

Look ... Tiger Woods is under no obligation to assist the police in the investigation of any crimes.

He has the right to remain silent. So does she.

Clearly, however, several Florida laws appear to have been violated:

1) Destruction of public property2) Destruction of private property3) Failure to maintain control of a motor vehicle.4) Driving under the influence of a drug.

There may be mitigating circumstances. It appears that Tiger Woods may be the victim of a domestic violence crime and the Florida State troopers are clearly negligent in providing him the full and equal protection required by Florida law.

Well, the police didn't volunteer to get involved; somebody called 911, possibly a neighbor. If not for that, they'd probably prefer to just let it go.

Meanwhile, the Woods delayed the interview again, indicating they're having a difficult time coming up with a believable explanation. Not to mention that the aggrieved party, Mrs. Wood, may be in no mood to go along with the program.

Still, I'm hoping they come up with a good story, something to explain the hour and the [bloody?] golf club.

Part of the problem ... and maybe why they're taking so long to get their story straight ... is the possibility of a domestic violence charge against the wife, if she in fact injured him or caused damage to the automobile. She may be the "wronged woman" if all the rumors are true, but she may have also been the aggressor in this incident. Much better, in these kinds of situations, to use the Jenny Sanford example as a model for action. Move out, be elegant but firm as to what is acceptable and what is unacceptable conduct, and be prepared to take action (with lawyers) if softly-spoken ultimatums are not listened to.

Meanwhile, the Woods delayed the interview again, indicating they're having a difficult time coming up with a believable explanation.

Or, maybe the wife has a gun to his head and isn't letting the cops in.

We have domestic violence laws for a reason. Many times, the abused spouse is too scared to file charges because of previous threats.

Assume for a moment that Tiger Woods is the victim of domestic violence perpetrated by his wife Elin. Suppose he is too scared (or injured) to allow the police in. Suppose she's threatened ... just hypothetically ... to harm her child if he has her arrested.

It is Elin who keeps turning the police away telling them Tiger is too busy sleeping to answer their queries. So reported MSNBC on Friday.

What if the situation were reversed? Let's say hypothetically that Tiger Woods found out his wife was cheating on him. Let's say he punched his wife and chased his wife with a 7-iron, destroying her vehicle as she was driving away from his abuse, and he was chasing her down the street crashing the back window in with a golf club, causing her to run off the road into a tree where she was injured.

Do you think for one moment the police would allow a male abuser to stand at the door and refuse to let them in to interview his victim?

No ... they would demand to see the victim because the law in Florida requires them to do that.

The police are violating Florida domestic violence law by refusing to intervene.

Just because the victim is a male ... just because the alleged abuser is a female ... is no reason for the police to refuse to utilize the exact same procedures.

During the phone conversation on Friday, Tiger told his friend, "I have to run to Zales to get a 'Kobe Special.'" The person on the other end of the phone asked Tiger what a "Kobe Special" was. The reply -- "A house on a finger."

Diamondhead said..."Losing control while pulling out of one's own driveway, hitting a fire hydrant and then a tree, and suffering serious injuries without being under the influence of alcohol is a story as old as the automobile."