I've become so accustomed to commercials they never bothered me. Then today I stopped and watched a freecreditreport.com commercial, and I realized for the first time I was watching someone do a pretty little song and dance to trick me into buying into a corporate product, and I realized it was like I was being hypnotized against my will. I was suddenly overcome with a violent urge, what a shock, to beat my TV into rubble.

The biggest disadvantage of having a room in the attic is that not even two big-ass fans can cool the room enough to make it bearable.

I live in my basement. I got a flat screen, three bookcases, two recliners, a big ass couch, a billiard table, an air hockey table, a bar, a king sized bed, a gun safe, and an Indiana Jones pinball game I got from an auction. It’s my mothafuckin’ man-cave.