"Food. I just want a burger and I just want some food. I want to sit down, take the shoes off. You know, we got some friends that are all meeting. I want to eat and not sweat it and not worry the dress will bust open. I just want to relax and just eat... And I'd like a nap, too." [Us Magazine]

Sandra Bullock on the red carpet: "It's been a crazy two months and I think we're all just happy to be here. I've been with these people, I feel like, more than I have with my husband." [AP]

Sandra Bullock to Sean Penn, backstage at the Oscars: "Sean, what do I do now?" Penn, who won last year for Milk, shrugged and said, "I don't know." [USA Today]

Mo'Nique, in the press room last night: "I am a stand up comedian who won an Oscar!" And: "You know, this role was so not about my acting career. This role has shaped my life and allowed me not to judge and to love unconditionally. If that goes into my career, great, but if it doesn't and I'm just the dynamic person that I strive to be every day, then I've won, baby!" [Us Magazine]

Oprah and BFF Gayle King showed up at an Oscar luncheon honoring Mo'Nique on Saturday. The event was presented by MAC cosmetics, and Estee Lauder president John Demsey announced a $25,000 grant to AIDS charity Women Alive in Mo'Nique's name. [Page Six]

According to this report, Oprah "stole the spotlight" from Mo'Nique (!?!?) at the MAC lunch, and then Mo'Nique stole it back when she "started a conga line that went throughout the restaurant and eventually led out to the valet parking area." [Gatecrasher]

Roger Friedman speculates that Oscar winner Mo'Nique will be a "one-time winner," like Cuba Gooding Jr, but admits: "It's true that there aren't many roles for women of her age or color, so Mo'Nique will have to develop material if she wants to stay in the game." [Showbiz 411]

Mo'Nique was asked what would happen if more actors followed her lead and perhaps had more natural figures and didn't shave their legs. She answered: "They'd win Oscars." [E!]

Was Mo'Nique rude to Barbara Walters? Apparently Babs asked about Mo's kids, phrasing it, "How are those little creatures?" "Wait a minute, Barbara, they're not creatures," Mo shot back. And rumor has it that Barbara's producer, Bill Geddie, had to step in and ask Mo'Nique's husband why she was being so rude. Anyway, Barbara claims: "There was nothing about her that was rude… I don't understand why some people want to make trouble." [Gatecrasher]

Mo'Nique is the fifth black woman to win an Oscar. The others are Hattie McDaniel, Halle Berry, Whoopi Goldberg and Jennifer Hudson. [AP]

Mo'Nique "made her own rules" in the press room backstage at the Oscars — she spoke to journalists who talked to her before she became the toast of the town, rather than having the moderator call on random reporters to ask questions. [Radar Online]

Kathryn Bigelow: "Jim[Cameron] is very inspiring. I think he inspires filmmakers around the world, and for that, I think I can speak for all of them. We're quite grateful." And on being the first woman to win Best Director: "I hope I'm the first of many, and of course, I'd love to just think of myself as a filmmaker. And I long for the day when that modifier can be a moot point. But I'm very grateful if I can inspire some young, intrepid, tenacious male or female filmmaker and have them feel that the impossible is possible, and never give up on your dream." [AP]

"I've been making films for a while. Only about 30 years. So when I say don't give up, I mean it. …. Work on stories you really, truly believe in, because then no obstacle is too great." — Kathryn Bigelow. [The Wrap]

Gabby Sidibe called the rumors that she was snubbing Oprah by taking her mother to the Oscars instead "dumber than the people on jury duty." [WSJ]

Saturday night after the Independent Spirit Awards, Jeff Bridges and Andy Garcia were seen playing the piano and celebrating. [Page Six]

"Billionaire Pepe Fanjul was robbed at his suite at the Beverly Hills Four Seasons Hotel at the height of Oscar week." [Page Six]

Backstage at the Oscars, an ABC page said, "Does anyone know where Geoffrey Fletcher is?" while looking directly at the Precious screenwriter. "Do you have eyes on Geoffrey Fletcher?" [USA Today]

More Oscar gossip here. For instance: At the Governor's Ball immediately after the Academy Awards, Kathryn Bigelow and other winners could get their trophies engraved while they waited. Oh, and Roger Ebert Tweeted about Farrah Fawcett's omission from the memoriam tribute: "Major fail." [AP]

On the Oscars red carpet, Miley Cyrus confirmed that she is dating her Last Song costar Liam Hemsworth. Is she in love? "Maybe." [Us Magazine]

Bringing a relative was cool at the Oscars: Jeremy Renner of The Hurt Locker brought his mother; Lenny Kravitz of Precious came with his actress-daughter Zoe; and Precious director Lee Daniels brought his brother's daughter, Clara, 14. [AP]

"I was all over him. He surrendered himself completely." — Mindy Hall, Best Makeup winner, when asked what it was like applying foundation to Star Trek's Chris Pine. [E!]

Whoa: Someone was arrested on the red carpet at the Oscars. Some dude scaled a fence, got on the carpet and started skipping. [TMZ]

The Academy's official New York Oscar-viewing party: "Pathetic." The bash "hit a new low" and the only celebs were Dustin Lance Black and Maria Full Of Grace's Catalina Sandino Moreno. Fun fact: The foie gras was shaped like a bomb for The Hurt Locker. [Page Six]

Tom Cruise crashed his motorcycle at an intersection on Sunday after an SUV ran a stop sign. He was seen "limping slightly" as he went to a payphone and made two calls. He waited for paramedics to arrive and is being called "slightly injured." [NYDN]

Madonna spent most of a gallery opening party in the lap of fashion photographer Steven Klein. [NY Times]

Madonna was spotted getting "super friendly" with Zachary Quinto on Thursday night, and then was seen getting "very close" to some mystery man a book party. Uh, was it Steven Klein? [E!]

Grammy award-winning singer D'Angelo was arrested in New York for allegedly offering an undercover police officer $40 for oral sex. [UPI]

Ellen Degeneres finds the combination of harsh lighting on American Idol and HD TV to be very unkind; she's had "people" add lights and filters. Allegedly. [National Enquirer]

Michael Lohan was in the hospital over the weekend after experiencing chest pains. He's been released but plans to see a cardiologist. [TMZ]

Michael Lohan says: "I just got off the phone with Dina and we were crying to each other… I've got either a blood clot or a blockage. They told me, 'This is a stroke waiting to happen.'" [Radar Online]

Lily Allen was in tears last night, after two middle-aged men started fighting in the audience at her show. She said of the brawl: "It's fucking sick and you lot should be ashamed of yourself." [The Sun]

You know how James McAvoy pulled out of I'm With Cancer? And got replaced with Joseph Gordon-Levitt? Well, McAvoy is passing on the flick so that he can be around when his first child is born. Awesome, although this paper is pointing out that he would have gotten £1 million. [Telegraph]

Prince William gave Kate Middleton pearl earrings, which her dog promptly ate. The text here reads: "The would-be future queen of England had to search through dog poop." [NYDN]

Sarah Jessica Parker's tenth-great-grandmother, Esther Elwell, faced the Salem Witch Trials of 1692 for casting spells on a woman who died. As the post notes, SJP was a witch in Hocus Pocus. [ONTD via Mirror]

Christiane Amanpour might get her own show on Sunday morning? The question is: Why doesn't she have one already? [NY Post]

Tinsley Mortimer: Divorcing Topper, getting a reality show. "My life is so not perfect. Not at all. At all. Not that you want to expose that, but you want people to know that." [NY Times]

The Jonas Brothers won a Razzie for their concert movie, which is a rip off of Hard Day's Night. [ONTD]

Beware: Doing pantomime in London has inspired Pamela Anderson to act again. [Mirror]

Kathy Griffin did a "raucous" show in Anchorage, Alaska, calling Sarah Palin a "gift that keeps on giving." [Gatecrasher]

Ke$ha wants to be involved when Katy Perry and Russell Brand get married: "Katy had better ask me to be a bridesmaid," she says. Oh, and she likes Russell: "He's so bright and funny. Maybe he can find me a booty call in London. I love English men!" [TMZ]

Brooke Shields is planning on writing her memoirs, and "hopes" to address ex-husband Andre Agassi's temper. Apparently when he was on the set of Friends, he threw a tantrum when Brooke licked Matt Le Blanc's hand in a scene. Agassi stormed off, drove home and smashed his tennis awards. Brooke tells Ladies' Home Journal: "Does he mention I spent the next three years replicating those trophies? He doesn't say that, does he? Of course not. That'll be in my book!" [Contact Music]

Common and Serena Williams were spotted looking "totally in love." [Page Six]

Posthumous gossip: Dudley Moore was "terrified of sex" and had a "repressive childhood," which you can read about at the link. [Daily Mail]

If you have $14.5 million you can buy Mel Gibson's house in Malibu, which has nine bedrooms, 10 bathrooms and memories of his marriage — which has ended in divorce, which is why he's selling. [TMZ]

Here's video of Brad Paisley falling during a concert in South Carolina; he had to go to the hospital afterward. [TMZ]

Hollywood is out of ideas, part MMMDCLXXXIX. There might be a remake of Hawaii Five-O. Then again, it would boost the economy in Hawaii after Lost is gone. [NY Post]

"Ask anybody on the street which actors starred in the Ocean's movies, and they'll tell you it was George and Brad. I'm 'support' in Ocean's. As I was in Saving Private Ryan - Tom [Hanks] carried that movie. You could accuse me of piggybacking on other people's brilliance more than anything." — Matt Damon. [Times Of London]

"Leo has a similar sensibility to me. I'm 30 years older than him, but I think we see the world the same way, meaning he feels comfortable with the characters I've dealt with over the years in movies — with Robert De Niro's films, with Keitel. But also with Leo it's always an interesting process of discovery. And I don't say that in a facile way either, because we never know what that process is going to be, and it's always intimidating at first. And then Leo really gets into it and we start unravelling all these layers. And with Shutter Island the story really lent itself to that." — Martin Scorsese. [Telegraph]

"I'd love to [go to the next Olympics]. I don't know if I'll be over the hill or what. I mean, I'll only be 27. So I figure I can. I don't really know how old that is." — Shaun White. [NY Mag]

"It's one of our best seasons yet this year. The story lines, writing, casting, looks… We finally get it perfect and running smoothly. It's feeling like the rug is being pulled up from under you." — Vanessa Williams is sad about the end of Ugly Betty. [New York Mag]

"I think that they've had the experience, as I have, that the first person served by service is the server. You know, there's nobody in the world that isn't looking for a kind of purpose in life, and tangible purpose is the most immediately recognizable." — Sean Penn, on why he is taking his kids to Haiti. [CBS News]

"I'm sure Hollywood would have written me off as some weirdo art-house liberal if the three Bourne films hadn't made such a phenomenal amount of money." — Matt Damon. He also says of being away from his wife and kids when working: "We have a two-week rule and I know why. I don't want to be gone for long periods any more. If that means less work, then that's OK." [News.com.au]

"Me and my band were basically living in our van a year ago." — Ryan Bingham, who won Best Original Song for Crazy Heart. Fun fact:
"The Weary Heart" was originally sung by Colin Farrell in his Irish accent before being re-recorded for the film. Bingham says: "I thought we'd have an Irish country singer! He had an amazing voice." [Us Magazine]

"You know, first, I want to say, because I keep hearing the word 'dark,' that Mary Jones was very dark. Mary Jones was very honest. And we confuse darkness with honesty. That film was very honest." — Mo'Nique. [CBS News]

"Stand-up comedy is my baby. That is my love. That is my therapy. Baby, if you tinkle easily, wear your Depends!" — Mo'Nique, on her upcoming comedy tour. [E!]