This is the account of a 30 year-old woman child ripped from the Midwest and plopped into NYC. I am prone to panic attacks on the subway, drunken debauchery, soaring spells of superiority followed by esteem crushing lows, moments of hilarity inspired by rage, and a penchant for eating gross food.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

I found a new and entertaining way to pass time on the subway platform: Vandalism! I get it now. I totally understand why every inch of this city is painted, tagged, ripped, re-arranged and vandalized. I vowed never to be that person, nor could I understand how a book and an Ipod weren't enough of a distraction for some people. And then I snapped.

One of the most obnoxious parts of the MTA station has got to be the television and movie advertisements. The same giant, pixelated, airbrushed Matthew McConaughey face will be your companion for the entire month of May. His "me? i caused all this trouble?" smirk stays fixed in place as you grow angrier that the train is 20 minutes late and that a movie like "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" even exists. There is nothing else to look at other than adverts for these AWFUL shows featuring individuals who don't have to ride a subway as means of transportation. I'm surprised there aren't more car advertisements down on the subway platform. You could definitely lure me into an impulse buy after a commute from Greenpoint to South Slope at 3am.

Anyway, I am a good, reasonably normal person who frowns upon excessive graffiti and the ceaseless drawing of dicks on everything.....and then I joined the ranks of NYC hoodlums. And it felt great.

NYC: A Special Place For Special People

This is an account of the ridiculous adventures I have had trying to navigate through everyday life in NYC. Someone has to stand up to this place and it may as well be me. I have also spent years on end diagnosing myself with diseases both real and imagined with the aid of the interweb. I feel more than qualified to address your health concerns both real or imagined.