Archive for June, 2012|Monthly archive page

Saturday morning, sunny, windy, a bit chilly Belmont. I’ve been awake for hours~meditated, took a walk while reading Healing Code, sunglasses over reading glasses, the morning sun washing me in memories of simplier times, the crisp air on my face, bringing me to other days, other walks…

A simple walk, savored… years upon years of being bedside, not outside. Nothing simple, nothing taken for granted, a miracle moment… feeling the air, seeing a squirrel on the power line, smelling bacon from a house as I passed by, hearing the slapping of feet on the pavement, breath in and out. Each and every awareness provoking an intensity of life. LIFE!

I haven’t written since returning home. It seems so complicated. Words, written words… my inability to capture the textures, contradictions, vacillation, so many layers to everything…and my unwillingness to put anything down that doesn’t seem to depict the real “it.” The Joys and Demands of work back in place, halting time to reflect. The freedom of a schedule/the bondage of that same schedule. It has been daunting to approach writing any of “it”, so I have remained silent.

The dilemma:

How much is too much? How to be true to the essence of it all?… so many dimensions…. There is not one thing only. I believe in the healing happening, of “things not yet seen.” It is complicated, in light of this, to find the place between amplification of the positive that is tangible vs in the arena of faith, and minimization of the “bad stuff” so as not to give it energy/power. It is both/and, not either/or. It takes resolute faith and the tolerance of ambiguity wedded to each other, to move forward.

Then:

Who has the courage to see/feel/accept and not turn away? Who has the strength and love to continue to care and invest—to feel the horror in observing our struggles, to face one’s own fears, to be willing to have one’s beliefs challenged, comfort zone breached… To take the risk to keep bearing witness, to relinquish the comfort of not knowning, to really look upon this thing…to resist the sugarcoating and clichés, to keep loving, to keep standing in the gap with us until the healing fully manifests?

For now, I will simply catch up, simply.

Dannie and Kyler remain in India. Knowing before embarking on this journey that with the depth of healing needed, she most likely will require undergoing several episodes of treatment, still didn’t dilute our optimism that Dannie would have extraordinary, supernatural even, results right away. Each of us have taken turns restating this for the others, “it takes time” “often the change doesn’t happen until after the second or third visit” “we knew this going in”…. and we celebrate each moment when debilitating symptoms are at all kept at bay just enough for something other than managing, coping, to be possible.

With her first round of treatment completed, Dannie’s spect scan showed improvement… some cognitive improvements noted, with the hoped for improvement in pain and other symptoms lagging behind…not happening yet. We await the surfacing of the healing that is happening inside Dannie over the next several months. Quite exhausted from the treatment and hospitalization ordeals, Dannie and Kyler moved from the clinic to a hotel to rest and to reevaluate whether or not Dannie would stay on and receive more treatment before coming home, or come home and return after a more extended rehab/rest period. The weeks of hoped for rest and relaxation have been challenging, coping with continuing pain and myriad other symptoms. Happy moments have emerged in the midst: ~a few visits to the pool, and leaving the hotel twice to be a “tourist” with pure JOY. Rare and precious photo opts. Soak it in, make it more real, bigger, louder, brighter than the days, months on either side of it. The golf course, visiting a monkey down the street.

In two years, Dannie and Kyler can now herald four or five “dates.” In the spirit of full disclosure of the “it” , these celebrations of “normalcy” which are anything but normal for Dannie and Kyler, are sandwiched between heroic efforts on Dannie’s part to get up and moving, override symptoms taunting her resolve to do it anyway, starts and stops, often hours of trying… adrenaline, courage, insistence, faith, she pushes forward… as fully as possible she doggedly pursues the target activity that she set out for , working through pain, nausea, hot flashes, dizziness, sensory overload and sensitivity that she masks beautifully to reduce any discomfort her pain would cause those around her…..then followed by days of “paying for it” with punishing symptoms…. On the outside she can make it look nearly effortless. Those of us who have been there to observe this process, behind the scenes, are exhausted just observing her , and in awe. Kyler by her side.

I just received a text from Kyler that it would be better to wait to call Dannie until tomorrow, as she is having a tough time right now.

Dannie has decided to come home, after much contemplation and prayer, she is guided to rest, recuperate, and gather strength before returning for more treatment. We have been trying to get flights for three weeks, with no luck. Securing flights with the donated air miles has proven a bit like trying to do a Rubik cube. Lorrilynn Conely, an amazing woman that we have never met, has donated literally tens of hours arranging all of the flights from the beginning of this journey. We have a doctor who will fly over to bring Dannie back, whose visa, for some unknown reason, has not come through, a full two weeks, plus, of waiting. Another test of faith. I can hear in Dannie’s voice and Kyler’s silence that they are growing weary. 115 degree heat, no “second string” they have bravely navigated this part of the journey, the two of them.

Sheila lived around the corner from me in elementary school. We attended the same schools in Santa Rosa through HighSchool… overlapping in being cheerleaders in elementary and middle school. yet had not been in touch since mid-high school. Then a few very full months ago when some class mates of mine in Santa Rosa came to know about our struggle, Sheila joined the “team” that have become enthusiastically committed to seeing Ari and Dannie through to renewed health. Literally forty years of no contact, then she stepped up and gave us the most incredible gift of her love and presence. What do you say about a woman who comes along side your children when you are unable to be there? That bears witness to incredible suffering, who sacrifices time with her own family, travels half way around the world, lives in clinic, braves 110 degree weather, listens and loves, and listens again to me when give long lists of things to be considered, things to be done, when I repeat myself over and over out of the angst of not being there, that negotiates and monitors, washes dishes, comforts, packs and unpacks, not once but twice?

thank you is not sufficient. My heart is full. Dannie and Ari have been nurtured, loved, listened to, respected and deeply cared for. God truly hand picked her for this job, and she responded with “yes”.

Dannie and Sheila, just outside her room yesterday.

Below is a note from Sheila~

“This has been another wonderful life experience for me returning to Nu-Tech in India.

Really getting to know Dannie for who she is has been so heartwarming for me. Dannie is a very concrete, solid, knows what she wants, and “doesn’t want kind of girl. Once she gets well I can picture her in the Miss Universe competition. Not only is she smart, intelligent, bright, but one of the most beautiful girls I have ever met, inside and out. All the hopes and dreams she has will come true someday. She is strong willed. Her belief in God is very deep and trusting. She’s not mad for being sick. Just wants to get well, which she will, “no doubt.” Sometimes God puts us in situations we do not understand, but always reasons for it.

Being here is a life changing experience. You meet and go through daily life at the clinic with people from different places in the world. Right now there are people here from Australia, Germany, Sudan, Africa and the U.S.

I thank our God for allowing me this opportunity to meet some of his “Angel”s” here on earth. Ari and Dannie are certainly two of them. And their doggies Lilly and Wesley are the “Furry Angel’s.”

Thank you Kathleen for trusting in me to watch over your precious children and doggies.

Background In the fall of 2001, Ari and Imani (Dannie) became very ill. This caused them to be unable to attend school, due to tremendous pain and discomfort. Subsequent to a flood caused by a pipe burst in their San Carlos, California, home, toxic mold growth was discovered, to which their ... Continue reading →