Adult Adolescence: Life In Your 20s

Remember Your 20s?

Recently, I was on a plane and seated next to me was a BlackBerry-obsessed 25-year-old guy. As we were pulling away from the gate, the stewardess had to tell him to put his addiction down so we could take off. I started to laugh and he looked at me and said, “Why are you laughing?” I said, “None of this will matter in 20 years — trust me. I was just like you, and what I used to stress about at your age I never think about anymore.”

He then asked me what I do for work, and I shared with him that I’m a sex and relationship expert. I had his attention, and I think the topic of my discussion with this BlackBerry-obsessed young man is a great one to share with all of you.

Your awkward career phase

When he asked me what I was like when I was in my 20s, I told him I consider my 20s my “adult adolescence.” You get out of college at around 22, and you’re geared up for life. You really believe you know everything. You’re “grown up now”; after all, you’ve graduated from college. Your mom and dad congratulate you, and you think you’re ready for the big world. You have dreams. You have aspirations. You think you know what you want for a career.

Then, no matter who you were in college — whether you were great with women, a great athlete or the smartest person in your class — you go out into the real world and realize that you’re at the bottom of the totem pole again. It’s like starting from scratch.

You get your ass kicked throughout your 20s — you really do. You get your ass kicked in your career, but some of you may not even find your career until you’re in your 30s, so all of what you are experiencing now is just one great lesson after another. You have to learn to deal with people who are a lot smarter and more experienced than you — people who have been around the block, and people who know the game and know how to play it very well.

In your 20s, you’re expected to know what you want to be, but the jobs I held were totally unlike what I do now. Unless you’re a doctor, a lawyer or a CPA, you’re likely to go through a lot of career changes as you figure out who you are in the world. Try and find ways to enjoy what you’re doing right now, even if you are frustrated — and realize it’s just temporary. You may be getting some valuable career experience: learning how to deal with people you don’t really like, learning new skills you didn’t realize you have and figuring out ways you can make money and still enjoy what you do.

When I was in my 20s, I was getting better with women, and was actually discovering my career. When I was 23 years old, I never imagined I would be some master communicator who teaches people how to connect with the opposite sex.

Your awkward dating phase

Your 20s are almost like starting high school all over again, except this time you’re playing for keeps. You start to think about work in a totally different way, and you start thinking about relationships differently too. You view members of the opposite sex from a new perspective, thinking: “Wow, I could meet the person I may want to marry one day.”

You quickly figure out that you still have a lot to learn. You don’t want to date college girls anymore, because they’re too young for you. But you also learn that a lot of 22-year-old women want to date guys who are in their mid-20s. So, you’re the young guy once again. Each time you have a relationship and it ends, you need to learn how to process it and determine what the lesson is, so you don’t repeat that relationship again. Your 20s are really a time to learn. It’s a time to get introspective.