Wednesday, November 06, 2013

Six Things That Will Help Any Mom Stay Sane

I So many have asked about my planner: 1) It's a planner specifically designed for moms and can be purchased HERE. 2) Yes, I love it, and it's totally worth the money.

I never actually planned on being a working mom, and yet, here I am. Thanks to the economy, school debt, and a few other factors, the Maestro and I decided it was better if I started to work more once Sophia entered first grade last year. And so I did.

And I immediately went crazy.

I've always "worked" a little bit—usually one or two afternoons a week—no more than 5 or 6 students. But now I have found myself with 20+ students on top of another job that requires 7-10 hours a week and suddenly I am putting in 25-30 hours of work. While it's great for our debt reduction plan and our bank account, it also means that I have lost 25-30 hours a week to do all the things I was accustomed to doing as a SAHM.

My clean house regularly goes to pot. My laundry room is usually filled with laundry waiting to be folded (at least I usually get a load washed most days), I haven't read a book since August, I don't even know what the word nap means, I do any creating I want to do at 1:00 in the morning, practicing is only done when a student cancels, and my blog has pretty much become an afterthought.

And so forth.

These past two years I have learned a lot about how to make my life a little less crazy and run a little more smoothly. Things that if I'd only just learned as a SAHM, would have meant a less crazy life then, too. I'm not saying I'm perfect at doing these things, or that I don't often need to be put into a straitjacket, but these are the things that MUST be done in order for me to prevent a nervous breakdown.

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1. Prepare the Night Before.

Sometime after dinner and before bedtime, make sure that you are completely ready for the next morning. I'm usually ready to go do absolutely nothing at about this time, but it is so important that I do the following:

Nobody likes running around like a maniac in the morning trying to find everything you need for work or school. In the olden days, when I could just go back to bed once the kids left, the morning craziness didn't bother me quite as much. Now I don't have that luxury and things have to run smoothly in the mornings so I can get ready and out the door shortly after the girls do.

2. Use Your Planner!

Whether you use your smart phone, Google Calendar, or a paper planner like me, use it! Have a weekly planning session with yourself (I like Sunday evenings) and make sure you go through your emails, the children's folders, and your husband's schedule so that you get everything on the calendar. (The picture above is my actual planner for this week.)

Once you have everything down, actually refer to it. I'm the queen of not looking at my planner often enough and then forgetting something even though I had actually remembered it that morning. Life gets too hectic to not use your calendar/planner. I like to also look at it every night before bed so I can mentally get ready for the next day and what it will bring.

Even though I do prefer a paper planner, whenever I have something completely out of the ordinary, I put it into my phone with an alert. This is one thing my paper planner cannot do, and since I always have my phone with me it has often saved me from missing an important appointment because I got too involved in something else.

While looking at my planner can often overwhelm me and send me into a freak-out session wondering how I will ever accomplish it all, it's better than never looking at it. Trust me.

3. Limit the Use of Electronics.

I have created my work schedule so that I am home just before the bus drops my children off. As much as I would love to decompress from work by catching up on Facebook, my afternoon is so much better when I don't. Besides, our family rule is no screen time on school nights, and I'm not being a good example if I play around on my phone while I distractedly bark out orders to do homework, practice, and chores.

If we have an afternoon where we don't have to be somewhere, I try to do my chores while the children are doing theirs. I try to be totally available to them while they are doing their music practice so I can help them when they need it. And I try to get dinner ready while I am helping with homework. On the afternoons when I allow myself to get sucked into the internet, I am never happy with the outcome, and my children are left feeling ignored.

On afternoons where we are running around to lessons and other extracurricular activities, the same rule applies. It is so important to connect with your children—to talk to them and be with them and know them—and giving that sacred time with them over to your iPhone or laptop is missing out on something eternally significant.

And yet I feel the pull of that temptation every. single. day. So many times I feel I don't have the energy to listen to my child and I would so much rather escape into my phone. It's not easy at all!

This device has helped me monitor my own internet/smart phone usage as well as that of the rest of my family's! It has literally saved us from fighting about it and has helped all of us to understand just how much we actually use electronics.

4. Teach Your Children Independence.

I am not a morning person. My children get themselves up and ready (I do my part to help them the night before—see #1) and off to school. They come and kiss me and Joel good-bye and I don't roll out of bed until a half hour or so after their ridiculously early bus comes. So far, this arrangement has worked. Mainly because Bria has become Mom #2 in the mornings by bossing her sisters around and making sure that they are ready in time to catch the bus. Missing the bus is anathema to Bria--there is nothing worse than having a parent take you to school when you are thirteen years old, apparently.

While I am available to help them with homework after school, they are in charge of knowing what they have to get done. I do not hold their hands in this manner, even though the information is usually online. If they miss an assignment, I hope that the natural consequence of a lowered grade or an unhappy teacher will help them to be better next time. Part of teaching our children independence is allowing them to fail.

Having them take on more personal responsibility means I don't have to do it. And that helps me be a nicer mom. And a slightly less exhausted one, too.

5. Take Time for You!

Yeah. This one I'm terrible at. But I do know better.

What do you love? Make time to do it. Even if it's only for a few minutes a day, do it. Go to book club or out with your friends if that is what fills you. If you are like me and need to just go somewhere all alone for a while, do it. You are important! You cannot possibly be a good mother if you are not feeding yourself.

And make sure you get enough sleep, too. (That's another one I fail at, but I'm working on it—I'm going to try to be in bed before midnight tonight!)

6. Let Things Go.

Let go of the need for a perfectly clean house. In fact, let go of the need for perfection at all. Let go of the need to be everything to everyone. Be realistic about what you can take on, and put God, yourself, and your family first. You do not have to volunteer for everything, sometimes it's okay to let others do their part! Don't be afraid to say no. Remember your priorities and let everything else just go.

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Obviously I need this list as much as the next girl. While I have improved a lot in many of these areas in the last couple years, I have plenty more to learn. Sanity is a process...and I hope to attain it fully someday! Tomorrow would be good.

Lara Neves

Lara is mom to three daughters—two teens and a tween. She loves to share her parenting and homemaking triumphs and failures here at Overstuffed! She was diagnosed with Lyme disease in 2015 and has been fighting it ever since. When she isn't working on her mother of the year award, you can find her reading, singing, or taking photos.

I LOVE this post! All of it rings true for me...which must be why your title was calling my name this morning! I took on a full-time job last year and had to decide which balls to drop so the most important ones didn't start dropping by default. The blog was the first to go, unfortunately. But I'm coming back.

I went backwards in the independent category this year - I actually went back to making my almost 16 year old some semblance of a lunch because he was leaving the house each morning without one AND without having eaten breakfast! Ugh. And here he'd been making his own since sixth grade. Double ugh. Anyway, FIRST GRADE! How could that little cutie be in first grade?!?! Gee whiz!

So...my first thought was maybe I'll just hire you to come get everything in order! Probably that isn't possible. I loved the post and I am going to implement step #1. Getting things done the night before. I try and I'm not great at it. I too am a terrible morning person. Thank goodness I don't live where there is snow or we wouldn't go anywhere until spring. Too much to just get out the front door!

Hey, girlfriend. I haven't been by in a while. In fact, I am pretty sure the last time was when we were "talking" about Les Mis. I have been in the same pickle. Too much work, too little sanity, WAY too little blogging. I've also committed to NaBloPoMo in an effort to get back in the swing of things. And, I am loving it. It's good to see you, friend.

I am the world's most disorganized mom and it shows. You'd think after seven years of being a SAHM, I'd have some routine down. Nope. I really need to pick something and make it stick. Consistency is an issue. PS I totally need to bust out my planner