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Don’t Bump The Trump

A warning for those who chance to meet a wild Trump coming home late at night, past a graveyard, all alone in a storm: Don’t bump the Trump. [With apologies to Shel Silverstein.]

It’s game on. Self-professed billionaire Donald Trump earlier snatched the campaign torch from the Republican Party by drawing in conservative America’s low-hanging fruit. Full disclosure: it’s something I proclaimed over a year ago could not be done. I was wrong! How wrong? Very, very wrong. I completely forgot to take into account one of Donald Trump’s most formidable accomplishments. That would be Trump University:

In blunt testimony revealed on Tuesday, former managers of Trump University, the for-profit school started by Donald J. Trump, portray it as an unscrupulous business that relied on high-pressure sales tactics, employed unqualified instructors, made deceptive claims and exploited vulnerable students willing to pay tens of thousands for Mr. Trump’s insights.

One sales manager for Trump University, Ronald Schnackenberg, recounted how he was reprimanded for not pushing a financially struggling couple hard enough to sign up for a $35,000 real estate class, despite his conclusion that it would endanger their economic future. He watched with disgust, he said, as a fellow Trump University salesman persuaded the couple to purchase the class anyway.

Way to go, future United States President number 45. If you can sell something worthless to people with no money, imagine how you’re going to do convincing ISIS holy warriors to drop their weapons.

I have previously had a bit of fun at Mr. Trump’s expense, discussing openly his tawdry private life and his inability to manage more than one contra factuality in a single sentence. Obviously I failed to recognize him for what he really is—that gem of American politics, that icon of the double-deal, the all-inspiring, classic flim-flam man. Mr. Trump, I take my hat off to you. Pardon if we don’t shake hands. I just bathed.

Yeah, Donald Trump! It’s game on. We are going to have a lot of fun between now and November. Keep reading fellow voters. And count your change.