Q&A With Dr. Laurie: Exploring the Boundaries of Your Sexuality

Q: As like most men, I like to masturbate Sometimes I even put things in my butthole. I am a man and I like a finger in my anus. Is it normal or I am turning gay? Please help.

A: Liking anal play/stimulation DOES NOT make you gay. It is normal to like your anus stimulated. There are many nerve endings there too. Both men and women enjoy this kind of stimulation, and in no way indicates sexual orientation.

Sucking my First Dick

Q: I’m a man and have always wondered what it was like to suck dick. I really don’t know where to start like with a man or a trans person or maybe just a strap-on. Also, is it possible for me to turn gay if I like it and want to keep doing it?

A: People don’t just “turn” gay. Clearly, you are Bicurious, so not completely straight (but in actuality few people are when you look at the spectrum of orientation). Even if you have always only been with women, a person can be sexually curious and want to try to things out with a same sex partner (this is bicuriosity). You may discover that in fact, you do like it too. That doesn’t mean you suddenly won’t like sex with women. But it would make you more on the bisexual side. The rest is a choice. Deciding to continue sex with guys or women, or both. Please read our blog posts on bisexuality.

I Like to be Penetrated, Does That Make Me Bi?

Q: I love wearing women’s clothing, from panties and skirts. My girlfriend has no problem with it but since I’ve been with her I got her a strap-on so she can penetrate me and I really really do love it. I crave something in my ass all the time and if I don’t have anything in it, I find myself rubbing my asshole to somewhat satisfy me and I also have fantasies about trans people—being with them and craving hard cocks. I do play with mine also. It’s to the point that I’ll even do it with a gay guy. I’ve thought about it when I was young in school. I’m 41 now and I think about it like crazy now. I dreamed about what it would be like to be bisexual. I think I would love it. Especially the way I’ve been craving cock and things in my ass. I really think about it when I’m high or been drinking—that seems like the time I have the courage to do it. But the point is why when I was younger I didn’t crave it as much as I do now. Thank you for listening to me.

A: First of all, our sexuality can be quite fluid, and our tastes, fantasies, and desires can change over time. It sounds like you like to feel like the submissive partner, which may explain the wearing of female clothing and wanting to be penetrated. Wearing female clothing is also a fetish known as transvestism. As for wanting/liking anal play, this alone does not make a person gay or bi. There are many nerve endings in your anus, and anal play can be very arousing for men (all men). However, you say that you “crave” having sex with a man and that you have thought about being bisexual. Maybe you are but have not come to terms with it, which is why it comes back into your mind when you are drinking and your mind is more relaxed. But you may also simply be bicurious: simply curious about what it would be like to be penetrated by a real penis. Bisexuality is when we are attracted sexually by both men and women.

Why do I Fantasize About Trans People?

Q: Hello, I’m an attractive single 45-year-old straight guy. I’m attracted to women but fantasize about being with a trans person a lot lately. I’ve had a recent encounter. Why do I crave certain sexual things?

A: Sexual fetishes or preferences are not so easily understood. Sometimes we “crave” things without really knowing why we do. For some of us, we have certain preferences that date back to our early adolescence and for others, they may develop a curiosity for sexual behaviors which leads to experimentation. Some hypothesize that we are wired a certain way, and others believe that we somehow have learned to want certain things. Sometimes we are drawn to acts that are considered taboo and this is what arouses us. How did you feel after your recent experience? To find out more about your attraction to Trans individuals, you can check out the blog post by Michael David Freel, the author of “Transorientation”.