Are you leading emotionally separate lives?

Go on, admit it. Sometimes, when you're tired, stressed and fed-up, it's just too much effort to ask your partner about his day or share with him the ups and downs of your own.

Any 'conversation' is confined to the practicalities of life like: 'Can you put the dinner in the microwave?' or 'Can you read the kids a story?' and to be honest, you'd rather watch EastEnders than have a proper chat.

Of course, it's natural for all couples to go through the occasional 'rubbing along' patch when though you live together, eat together and sleep together you're not communicating, sharing your hopes and dreams or discussing your feelings.

But when this becomes the norm and suddenly you're more like flatmates than lovers, you could be in real danger of drifting apart. So how do you keep the emotional connection that brought you together in the first place and make sure there¿s more to your relationship than sharing the same house?

It can happen to anyone

It's all too easy to be emotionally absent from an apparently functioning relationship and is a problem that can sneak up on virtually any couple, says relationships expert, Julia Cole.

'We're all prone to it and in a way it's normal to have phases when it happens for a couple of weeks or so - after all, we can't all be communicating expertly every day of our lives,' says Julia.

But the real difficulties start when the situation drags on for weeks, months or even longer.

'All of a sudden, you wake up one day and realise that six months have gone by and though you've been sleeping in the same bed you've hardly spoken to each other let alone had a sexual encounter,' explains Julia.

Too busy for love

The frenetic lives so many of us lead today are often at the root of the problem. 'External pressures like a busy job or a new baby often mean you don't have the time for each other you once had,' says Julia.

'Gradually, your relationship slides relentlessly down the list of priorities and though people often think: 'Oh, I'll give my partner some attention later' it becomes easier and easier not to make real time for each other.'

After a while you find you're not bothering to tell each other things. In fact, you're not even bothering to argue anymore - taking the trouble to disagree just seems like too much effort.

So how do you get your relationship back on track? Julia offers this advice:

Busy...but not that busy

Funnily enough, however frantic we are most of us still find the time to do the things we really want to do - like go out with our friends or fit a session in at the gym.

Yet still we claim there aren't enough hours in the day to sit down with our partner and really talk or make the effort to spend an evening together instead of watching telly with a curry or spending hours on the phone to a mate.

'It¿s vital to say to yourself: 'This relationship is important to me and I will put time aside for it,' says Julia. 'Take a good, long, honest look at your life and work out what sacrifices you could make to share some quality time with your lover.'

Synchronise diaries

Acknowledging the problem is half the battle and once one of you has said: 'Look, this is crazy - let's do something about it' you can sort out a plan of action - together.

'Get out your diaries and organise a weekend away or arrange to have a night out every week, even if it means cancelling other things to do so,' says Julia.

Start talking again

To make sure you don't end up leading separate lives again in the future, it's important to set aside some time at the end of each day when you can sit down and talk.

'But don't fall into the trap of thinking that discussing routine events - like how you had to run for the train or how you forgot your sandwiches - really counts as communication,' says Julia.

'Instead, decide to tell your partner one thing that made you laugh, made you angry or moved you. In that way, you are introducing a point of emotional contact which opens up the airwaves between the two of you again in a direct way.'