Sunday, September 21, 2008

Evolution of a Life...Mine

One year and a half ago, my life consisted in this:1. Wake up, dress children, scream for twenty minutes insisting on the tedious brushing of the teeth, cereal and milk them and send them on their way;2. Cappuccino with Sonia and a cigarette;3. Arrive at the pre-school, Mary Poppins bag slung over shoulder, two hours of singing and dancing the Hokey Pokey;4. Run home to prepare pasta;5. Sprawl out on sofa to watch the Bold and the Beautiful in Italian, while eating ice-cream with a spoon out of the container;6. Begin afternoon lessons with frustrated Italian students, share my worldly experiences with them to assist them in the development of some sort of larger view of life and assist them in chewing the English Tongue;7. Prepare dinner, something inedible, obviously;8. Scream at children to take showers and yell at husband for some reason or another;9. Lay down next to husband to watch television program of the day...hopefully Gray's Anatomy, House, Lost or Medium;10. At the end of the program, I look at husband, he looks at me. Sex.

Routine. Again and again and again and again and again...day after day after day after day after day.BORING.

I have been complaining about being in limbo for the past six months, but I prefer the limbo condition to the routine. I haven't watched a television program in nine months, I've been on the computer writing, meeting people, helping people, finding my way. I have cried, suffered, laughed, danced, learned and finally begun reading during this period. Reading. I never had time to take a freaking shower. That's okay, it's part of raising children. But now, after ten years of dedicating myself 100% to my kids and family, I take a thirty minute shower, feel that water running over my naked body and have found a little bit of peace.

Shit.

I have decided to hang up the Mary Poppins bag and concentrate on doing something I like that will help other people and their children. (Note: I haven't started getting paid for this endeavor so feel free to start clicking on my google ads *smile*) I am determined to become a parent advocate for Newborn Hearing Screening in Tuscany.

I have plans. And another thing, I'm moving forward on my second book...been procrastinating too long.

I can't be a good wife, mother or daughter if I am not a good Jodi.

I have lived as a reflection of those who surround me. Sick of that.

Schopenhauer's PorcupinesA group of porcupines, on a cold day, huddle closely together to protect themselves with their body heat. In the beginning they feel good, but after a little bit of time they start to feel the spines of the others, so they have to back away to avoid the pain. Then that need for heat causes them to huddle closer once again, only to separate again because of those spines. In this way the porcupines are continuously pushed back and forth between two evils.

The defects, habits, behaviors and needs of others are the spines, everyone has his or her infamous baggage. Some porcupines, however, are able to produce a great deal of internal heating. These are able to find just the right distance from the others even to the point of remaining alone.

I don't want to need the heat of another person, I would like to generate my own.

3 comments:

Anonymous
said...

You have so eloquently said what goes through my mind on a regular basis. I'm raising my 3 kids, trying to do the HearingExchange thing, but never quite succeeding on the level I want. I have knocked on many doors, looking for an opportunity, practically offering myself on a silver platter and no one was taken me up yet. Perhaps the timing isn't right, but I'm going to keep on trying until I get there and follow my dreams like you, sister. :) Hugs always, P

Grazie! 125,000+

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