Tuesday, August 31, 2004

BLARG

THE PASSION OF THE MERLETHE PASSION OF THE CHRIST is out on DVD, and I’ve been lining up all week avoiding it. Oh, I’m sure it’s worth seeing, but I’m afraid that Mr. Gibson’s ghoulish vision might drive the image of Jeffrey Hunter from my brain. Yes, whenever I think of Jesus I see Jeffrey Hunter. (With Rip Torn as Judas, of course.)

The film was called KING OF KINGS. The year? 1961. It was directed by Nicholas Ray, of all people, who also directed REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE. Not to mention JOHNNY GUITAR and IN A LONELY PLACE.

Of course, I never got to see Jeffrey Hunter beaten to a bloody pulp by Roman soldiers, more’s the pity.

Mel Gibson missed the boat. In his harebrained pursuit of accuracy (whatever that means, beyond actors speaking in Latin and Aramaic), he forgot the fact that he was making a movie. He should have had some time-traveling future hero come back to the past and give Jesus an AK-47. Take that, Caiaphas! Eat lead, Pilate. Herod? You’re going down.

A PLAINTIVE E-MAIL MESSAGEThis just in from Michelle ZYR69143 from Yahoo (as is, typos and all):

“not sure if you got this message before since my Outlook crashed :/
i'm feeling very lonely lately, even though i'm a fun person and not that bad lookin :/ feels like I will never find what I'm looking for in life, does it ever happend to you ? my roomate Nikki is trying to cheer me up by asking me to go to the club with her, but I feel like staying home today because I've been there so many times and it's not as fun anymore. If you feel like chatting with me come to my page:”

And it was signed, “kisses, pam ;X”

So who is she? Michelle or Pam? And why would I want to chat with a semi-literate morose dual personality who can’t even bestir herself to go clubbing with Nikki? Tell you what, if Nikki asked ME to go clubbing with her, I would be there in a New York minute.