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oday, the playing field is very different and so is Dan’s Papers. On the
playing field now are dozens of free
ways to get information over the Internet.
News is transmitted almost instantaneously. As for Dan’s Papers, it has morphed
into a work of art on its cover and a whole
lot of opinions on the inside, plus a widely ranging guide to activities on the East
End. One could not call it a newspaper or
even a magazine. I don’t know what you
would call it. Perhaps it is just Dan’s
Papers, a category unto itself.
Dan’s Papers will remain a powerful free
newspaper in the community it serves—
Montauk, the Hamptons and the North
Fork—supported by many eager advertisers.

$2.00
NYC/Manhattan

2 in NYC

$

Dear NYC Readers,

B

eginning April 2, Dan’s Papers is moving from free
to paid circulation in Manhattan. Those wishing to
read the paper in New York will find it available in
hundreds of newsstands and stores around the city—not
only on the Upper East Side but on the Upper West Side,
Wall Street, the Village, SoHo and numerous locations in
Brooklyn. The cost will be $2 a copy. A partial list of locations is at the end of this article.
This newspaper, which I founded 50 years ago, was conceived and carried out as the first free newspaper in
America. At that time, I reasoned that the new medium of
television was free to viewers, and I thought that giving
readers a newspaper for free was a right protected and
encouraged by our country’s constitution.
Television, radio, magazines and newspapers were nearly
100%-supported by advertising back then. It seemed to
me that advertisers would eagerly embrace a newspaper
that would sacrifice the small revenue it received from
individual copy sales, in exchange for a wide distribution
five or ten times that size. It had never been done before,
and it required some explanation for local merchants. But
as it turned out, I was right about that.

Beyond the gates that close across the
Shinnecock Canal every night at midnight,
however, it will embrace the new model—
with the ads in the paper providing an
extra push in New York for those who pay
for them. At the same time, we’re asking
those who enjoy the Dan’s Papers stories
and covers (a copy of the paper on EBay
with a signed cover by Peter Max was
recently sold for $139) to pay $2.00 per
copy. A small note on the front of every
issue will read $2 IN NYC.

D

uring this summer, the paper is
proudly celebrating its 50th
anniversary with all sorts of
events, book readings, races, kite flies and
parties. A second edition of the best selling memoir In the Hamptons: 50 Years
with Farmers, Fishermen, Artists,
Celebrities, and Billionaires will be out on
Memorial Day in all bookstores. It is
called, In the Hamptons Too, Further
Encounters with Farmers, Fishermen,
Artists, Celebrities and Billionaires. There
was a bake sale for charity last month at
our offices and there have been two art
gallery exhibits of this author’s cartoons—
one at the Wintertree Gallery in Sag
Harbor and a current showing at the Stony
Brook Southampton college library to
continue for a month—and, later this summer, there will be an art auction for charity of original paintings by Dan’s Papers
cover artists—Peter Max being one.
On the left is the list of where to find
Dan’s Papers in New York City. Thank
you for reading and enjoying Dan’s
Papers.

Great Performances
OnePlanwillExciteMainSt.,EastHamptonwithSymphony&Light
By Dan Rattiner
Due to a tremendous error in judgment made
by the Town of East Hampton 25 years ago, nearly half the stores in this formerly very busy
downtown are closed this winter with butcher
paper taped to the inside of the windows. Many
of them have FOR RENT signs in the window.
The error was, as everybody knows, the result
of a decision to allow high-end chain stores to
come to town. Middle and low-end chain stores
such as McDonald’s or A&P or 7-Eleven were
fought. The stores for the rich were not. As a
result of this, the landlords raised
all the rents to more than $100 per
foot, the mom and pop stores could
not afford them and left, and the
new tenants came in, all with
names like Gucci, Cole Hann and
Brooks Brothers.
Now, with the recession in full
swing and about half these highend stores packed up and gone,
the East Hampton Town Council
met last Wednesday to consider
what to do about this situation.
Nobody at the meeting had any desire to shop
in these stores. The locals, who run the town,
can’t afford them. But what did concern them
was how forlorn and spooky the town looked.
One suggestion, made by a bayman named

Fred Harris, was that the town hire a tall young
woman with long blond hair and an anorexic
frame to run around in and out of the empty
stores wearing nothing but a sheet, shouting and
crying out for her loved one.
“We could call in the out-of-town papers and
have them take pictures of her if they could catch
up with her. ‘The Spook of East Hampton.’”
The suggestion was voted down nine to nothing by the council.
There were three other suggestions that were
taken more seriously.

was they were supposed to do?”
The suggestion was tabled.
Another suggestion, also tabled, came from
Ruth Applehoff, the Director of Guild Hall, who
was fresh off a triumphant performance given
before a packed house at the John Drew Theatre.
This early Scorsese movie, Mean Streets, was
introduced by actor Alec Baldwin and Hamptons
International Film Festival Program Director,
David Nugent. Anyway, Applehoff suggested that
local artists meet with the landlords and arrange
to have their paintings displayed in the empty
store windows until the time
comes that the stores get rented
again. The paintings would not be
for sale, but there could be small
cards in the windows telling
passersby where to phone if they
had an interest to buy them.
A discussion of this followed,
mostly favorable, and this too as I
said, was tabled.
The fourth and final proposal
came from Baron Eric Von
Haffenstein, who is currently the
conductor of the Gunzenhausen
Philharmonic. He had flown in all the way from
Germany to present his plan.
“I have just completed composing my seventh
symphony,” he said. “And I feel compelled to present it to you, as a world premiere. I have been
coming to East Hampton for years and years and
am appalled at what the town has come to. My
symphony will bring a whole new dimension to
your town. It will perform something that has
never been attempted before. A whole main
street of empty stores accompanying the orchestra.”

”The Symphony would start at
sundown. The lights would
blink to the music.”

The sequel to Dan Rattiner’s memoir, In the
Hamptons, will appear in bookstores everywhere on May 15, 2010. It is entitled In the
Hamptons, Too: Further Encounters with
Artists, Writers, Fishermen, Billionaires and
Celebrities. Get your copy at Bookhampton, at
other bookstores, or order it in advance at
Amazon.

One, made by editor and local resident David
Rattiner, was that the town consider hiring a
group of very beautiful and chic young Russian
women to spend their days “shopping” in the
empty stores. “There could be a crowd in there,
milling around, chatting on their iPhones and
blocking much of the view from the sidewalk,
They’d make it look like a whole lot was going
on.”
The suggestion was greeted with lukewarm
comments. Where would they get the money to
hire these young women? Would the young
women get bored after a while and forget what it

(continued on page 12)

DAN'S PAPERS, March 12, 2010 Page 10 www.danshamptons.com

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East Hampton’s Martha Stewart is teaming
up with producer Mark Burnett for “Help Me,
Martha,” a new reality show in which the queen
of domesticity comes to the aid of struggling
party planners. Stewart and Burnett are currently pitching the series to networks.
*
*
*
In other reality TV news, Hamptons socialite
Tinsley Mortimer’s new show, “High Society,”
debuted this week on the CW network.
*
*
*
At last weekend’s Oscars ceremony,
Amagansett resident Matthew Broderick
joined Molly Ringwald and other “Brat
Packers” in a tribute to director John Hughes,
who passed away last year.
*
*
*
After Hamptons designer Cynthia Rowley
ran into Roxy executive Randy Hild on a
Montauk beach, the two collaborated on a new
line of chic beachwear. The 40-piece collection
launches next month and will be sold exclusively at Barneys in New York and Colette in Paris.
*
*
*
A Florida woman was arrested by East
Hampton Town Police for trespassing on private
property she believed belonged to Sean
“Diddy” Combs, who owns a nearby home. To
gain access to the property, the woman told a
maintenance worker that Combs was her husband.
*
*
*
Jann Wenner, co-founder and publisher of
Rolling Stone magazine and chairman of the
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Foundation Inc.,
recently sold his share of an East Hampton property for $17 million. The buyer was his ex-wife,
Jane Wenner, who owns another property in
Montauk.
*
*
*
Amagansett’s Alec Baldwin will play psychiatrist Martin Dysart in Guild Hall’s production
of Equus this summer. The play runs June 8 to
July 3.
*
*
*
Hollywood hits East Hampton this summer to
shoot The Au Pairs, a movie based on the novel
of the same name about nannies in the
Hamptons. Drew Barrymore is producing.
*
*
*
East Hampton’s Ina Garten appeared on the
Food Network last week to dish on her love of the
meatloaf and mashed potatoes served at The
1770 House.
*
*
*
Hamptons regular Russell Simmons will be
honored at Made in New York, the annual spring
bash benefiting the Jewish Board of Family and
Children’s Services (JBFCS). In anticipation of
the honor, Simmons recently toured two JBGCS
facilities with Rabbi Marc Schneier, with whom
he co-founded Foundation for Ethnic
Understanding.
Congratulations, Lorenzo Azevedo! The son
of Unlimited Earthcare’s Frederick Azevedo won
best delegate for the Columbia Model United
Nations Conference and Exposition.

DAN'S PAPERS, March 12, 2010 Page 11 www.danshamptons.com

Fun Loses Again
More Stories that’ll SoberYou Up for What ComesTomorrow
By Dan Rattiner
Last week, I wrote an article lamenting the
loss of “fun” in our community. Everything
requires a permit now where before it did not. So
fun has a price.
Now, with money tight, the price of fun is going
up. Either that or fun is disappearing altogether. I wrote last week about how parades in New
York City will now be required to be 25% shorter
than they were before, with a governor on them
maxing them out at five hours. (This is a true
story.)
Now, there is further news to report.
Southampton Town is raising the fees for parking at Cooper’s Beach, the main public ocean
bathing beach in that town, because earlier
efforts to remove the pollution from Lake
Agawam by raising money from the wealthy
homeowners who live surrounding it fell short.
Why it had fallen to the wealthy homeowners
was because it was they who were causing the

pollution, by allowing their landscapers to use
pesticides on their lawns and gardens, which
made those things beautiful but soon would run
off into the pond. It seemed fair enough. But the
amount pledged was not enough.
Another place where “fun” is going to be more
expensive is at Town Marina in East Hampton.
The cost of renting a slip in that marina (I rent
one), is rising 25% in one year because the town
is scrounging so badly for money. Meanwhile, the
town is targeting the Town Marine Patrol to get
them to let people go, give up equipment and
reduce salaries. Whether the Marine Patrol is
bloated with overspending I do not know. But it
is they who patrol Town Dock and all the other
waterways.
(Come to think of it, the Marine Patrol, much
like the Town Lifeguards, are largely active just
in the summertime. The Lifeguard service shuts
down. The Marine Patrol continues year around
as a full time operation. Hmmm.)

I read a story on the Internet about how the
State of Arizona is cutting back. I can’t say how
what they are cutting back on is about fun, but it
sure as hell is funny.
The state has sold its big downtown office
building in Phoenix. This is a skyscraper, modest
by New York standards of course, but a skyscraper nevertheless—and in the basement
there is Death Row.
That’s right. Death Row is now privately
owned in Arizona. Go figure.
Also in Arizona, they have now severely cut
back the number of rest stops along the superhighways that come through the state. In case
you did not know, practically all of Arizona is
desert. The cities and towns are all desert towns,
with no trees along the vacant eight lane roads
between them. You can actually see the glow of
lights in the sky from one to another of some of
the bigger cities from 60 miles away. In other
(continued on page 16)

ONE VOTE IN FAVOR OF BANNERS
By Dan Rattiner
About three weeks ago, a member of the
Bridgehampton Citizens Advisory Committee
(CAC) proposed to the Southampton Town Board
to make it illegal to hang large banners across
the road in Bridghampton during the summer.
Town Board member Nancy Grabowski said she
would look into and consider the matter.
There are just two places in all the Hamptons
that this goes on, and both are in
Bridgehampton. One place is across the
Montauk Highway about where the shopping
center is to the west of town. The second is in the
center of town, extending across the road

between the Bridgehampton Historic Museum
and the Bridgehampton Community Center.
Nowhere else in the Hamptons is this allowed,
but Bridgehampton, at the very epicenter of the
Hamptons, is happy to have banners and has
been able to get a wide variety of governmental
bodies to approve their doing so. These include
the Town, Verizon Wireless, the State
Department of Transportation and LIPA. And all
have to sign off on a particular request for a banner, which must be made in writing to Janice
Wilson in the Southampton Supervisor’s Office.
Some people like banners and some don’t. The
banners advertise the Hampton Classic Horse

Show, or the Bridgehampton Music Festival or
the Southampton Hospital Benefit or many
another civic function. There is something festive
about them in my opinion, and though I would
not favor having them everywhere, I think in just
one community, particularly the one in the very
center of everything, it makes a sort of sense. The
banners are old fashioned, reminiscent of days
gone by and large. If you want to say they are
fun, I could not disagree. You look at them and
they make you think of the fun thing they are
beckoning you to. They have come to be accepted
in that town.
(continued on page 16)

DAN'S PAPERS, March 12, 2010 Page 12 www.danshamptons.com

Great Performances

(continued from page 9)

Haffenstein’s plan is to connect up all the
vacant stores with a long electrical extension so
that the lighting inside can be coordinated from
a central point, which he said might be in the
East Hampton Chamber of Commerce. He
already had been in touch with Marina Van, the
COC director, about this. Also coordinated, along
the eaves of all the stores, would be the music
from outdoor loud speakers. The town would be
filled with the light display accompanying
Symphony #7.
“The symphony would start at sundown. The
orchestra would play the fanfare and introduction I wrote, and the lights would blink to the
music. Sometimes they would keep time to the
music, and at other times, they would dance to
the music, with lights blinking on and off in
rows, or at random, or alternating from off to on
and on to off in one store adjacent to another.
“This would be a work of art and music not
seen in America until now. We have done this
successfully in Germany in Wittenberg and in
Rothenburg ob der Taube, two beautiful
Renaissance castle cities in Bavaria, and it has
been sensationally received.”
Councilmen asked about the new symphony.
Was it brand new, something that had never
been performed before? Was it possible that for
the first night the entire Gunzenhausen
Philharmonic could be flown in and set up to perform it live in front of the windmill in the center
of town as the town blinked off and on? Would
approval be needed from the Fire Department?
Would the same symphony be played every
night?

Haffenstein said this was a brand new piece of
music. He said it was possible to fly the
Philharmonic in if the price was right. He said he
really didn’t know about the fire department.
And yes it would be the same piece played every
night.
There was some discussion about whether the
Light and Sound Symphony for Orchestra in B
Minor, as it was called, could be accommodated
with either the milling around of the Russian
models or the paintings in the windows or both,
and some thought it could and some thought it
couldn’t.
“It’s hard to look at paintings when the lights
blink,” one of the councilmen said. “I guess you’d
have to look at it real fast when the lights came

ATTENTION BUSINESSES

on.”
A big issue, Councilman Fred Petering said,
was whether all the landlords could agree to hold
off re-renting their stores until an agreed upon
date.
“We wouldn’t want the symphony to be performed as written, but with one new fur coat
store not joining in the fun. It would be like a set
of teeth with a front tooth missing,” this councilperson said.
Someone wondered if having the lights blinking on and off until midnight would upset planes
flying overhead, and another person said he
thought this would bring more attention to East
Hampton, not less, and at this particular time
that would be good.
The fire marshal, who happened to be there,
said he would want the heavy cable connecting
up the stores to be according to code and worked
through the town with all the electrical permits
and seals of approval and he thought that could
be done, but could it be done before summer?
Then there was a discussion about the amount
of wattage this would entail and whether rapidly blinking a light off and on requires more energy than just having it go on and off in a more
leisurely way. Nobody knew.
The meeting adjourned and will re-convene
next week. It is entirely possible that beginning
in two weeks we may have 100 young Russian
models in the stores with cell phones, milling
around with artists and paintings in the windows and in the evenings all the lights blinking
on and off to music. Whether a spook would be
acceptable seems unlikely, though.

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‘IWanttobeyourWoman’
‘IWanttobeyour Woman’
RuthKligman,JacksonPollock,theCarCrash&LoveintheHamptons
By Dan Rattiner
On a warm August day in 1956, the man who
is arguably the most famous American painter
ever got into a fight with his 26-year-old mistress
while driving in his car and, in anger, put the
pedal to the metal and at 80 miles an hour, as his
mistress and another young woman in the convertible screamed, skidded off Springs-Fireplace
Road in East Hampton just north of the turn
where that road crosses Abraham’s Path, flipped
over and slid into some trees.
The only one who survived the crash was Ruth
Kligman, and 20 years later, she wrote a book
about her love affair with Pollock and the events
of that day. A stunningly beautiful woman, she
lived in, around and among members of the art
world in Manhattan and East Hampton and
elsewhere during her lifetime, and on Monday

she passed away in Calvary Hospital in the
Bronx at the age of 79.
Jackson Pollock’s life here in the Springs has
been documented over and over in books and
film. He arrived here in the 1947 with his wife
Lee Krasner and in the years that followed, other
artist came, among them Andy Warhol, Franz
Klein, Willem de Kooning, Irving Penn, Robert
Mapplethorpe, Carlos Sansegundo, Jasper Johns
and many, many more. Ruth Kligman had either
a friendship or relationship with all those mentioned above at various times. She was Willem de
Kooning’s girl friend for two years (prompting
one friend to note that de Kooning, even after
Pollock’s death, was still competing with him).
She was married to Sansegundo for seven years.
She proposed marriage to Jasper Johns. She is
frequently mentioned in Andy Warhol’s diaries.

Besides living in and around East Hampton and
New York, she also lived at various times both
alone and with her lovers in other art communities, particularly Santa Fe and Ibiza.
Ruth Kligman was born in Newark, N. J. and,
according to her memoir, decided to pursue living
the bohemian lifestyle after reading a biography
of Beethoven at the age of seven. She moved to
the city when she was 18 and began her own
painting career, which apparently was not very
noteworthy, and soon became involved with the
various painters and sculptors both in
Greenwich Village and in the Hamptons. This art
community, at that time, was in the process of
overtaking Paris as the center of the art world on
this planet.
The story of Kligman and Pollock is the stuff of
(continued on page 19)

EH LIBRARY ISSUES, BUT NOT EMOTIONS, RESOLVING
By T.J. Clemente
The well-intended plan to expand the East
Hampton Library has been met with ongoing resistance by opposing forces for many
reasons. The sad thing is that the library,
typically a place that serves as a cultural
and social gathering center where the community comes together, has become a center
of debate, pitting perhaps the old guard
against the new, future-oriented residents.
This has been a years-long debate, that

might actually come to an end on March 26.
Bill Esseks, the attorney for the library, has
asked for a closing of the proceedings. The
East Hampton Zoning Board of Appeals, he
says, has enough information now. The village engineer has reported being happy with
new parking plans, even though he said
there might still be errors in the “trip generation data.” But ZBA chairwoman Joan
Denny seemed to indicate that the drawn out
battle is nearing an end.

The truth is, both sides have merits to
their argument. But the stalled renovations
and expansion are making the costs escalate,
so millions more will be spent just to appease
those who prefer the library stay as is. As
always, opposition to change has the mantra
of stall, delay and rethink. There’s been a
reliance on banal arguments, such as
increased traffic at a dangerous location
within the village that perhaps does not
(continued on page 18)

DAN'S PAPERS, March 12, 2010 Page 14 www.danshamptons.com

R i pp

ed

archives!

from
the

Best Stories from the First 50 Years

Trapped
GiantEcuadorianBangsontheUndersideoftheIceatLakeAgawam
By Dan Rattiner
Sometime around noon last
Wednesday,
ice
skaters
in
Southampton heard a tap tap tapping on the underside of the ice in
the northeast corner of Lake
Agawam in Southampton. Some of
them had cell phones and called
the police about it. Others went to
the spot and saw what seemed to
be a giant creature of some sort
under the ice, perhaps 30 feet long,
and told everybody to leave the ice
immediately. There was fear it
might be the giant Ecuadorian Eel
that has been seen in these parts in
the wintertime in recent years.
The eel, in the past, has turned
up in Noyac Harbor, in Trout Pond,
in Middle Pond in Water Mill and even in the
Shinnecock Canal, where he was seen swimming
south. Never before had he been spotted in Lake
Agawam.
The tapping continued. The police arrived, and
the general consensus was that the eel was
trapped under the ice.
“I think he’s hungry,’’ the Chief said.
Yellow CRIME SCENE tape was put up to cordon off the area. The skaters were told to go
home, but though all of them changed from
skates to boots, most of them remained on the
sidewalk, the skates over their shoulders, in
front of Basilico. This was as close to the situation as they were allowed to get.
Several fire trucks arrived, also an ambulance,
though after some discussions with the driver,
the ambulance went home. By this time, a great
crowd of people had assembled on Jobs Lane to
watch
the
proceedings.
The
Town
Environmentalist, Carl Beech arrived. It was his
opinion that a hole be cut in the ice so that the
eel could be fed.
“What would he eat?’’ the chief asked.
“I can find out. Probably the same as a regular
eel, but a lot of it. I think fish. I’ll put a call in to
the Stranded Seal Program in Riverhead. They
would know.’’
Beech went over toward the comfort station,
where he said his cell phone would get a better
signal, and he made a phone call.
In the meantime, the Chief got into a conversation with the Mayor of Southampton Hamlet,
who had arrived by this time, and who noted that
there was something to be said for feeding the
eel, but he was skeptical.
“If we start feeding the eel,’’ he said, “it could
turn into a big commitment. It’s a cold winter.

And if he is trapped, we might have another
month of having to feed him here. You can see he
is quite big. Surely he eats a lot. I don’t know if
we have enough money in the village budget to
accommodate this sort of thing.’’
Beech returned from the comfort station. “He
eats mashed bluefish mixed with oatmeal and
salt water. And the Stranded Seal people are
sending someone down here to supervise the situation. He says to go to the A&P and the fish
market before he gets here. We’ll need about 100
pounds.’’
At this point, all eyes turned to the ice. The
tapping was growing louder. And every once in a
while, the eel bumped himself up against the
ice’s underside, making a loud thump.
“This isn’t going to work,’’ the Chief said.
“We’ve got a dangerous situation developing
here.’’
“How could it be dangerous?’’ Beech said. “He’s
hungry. We have to feed him.’’
“If he gets out, there’s going to be hell to pay.’’
“Eels can’t live out of water. I’m going to the
A&P for 10 minutes. I’ll be back,’’ Beech said.
A few minutes after Beech left, a rhythmic rata-tat was heard in the sky. People looked up.
There was a helicopter hovering overhead with
the name PLUM ISLAND ANIMAL DISEASE
LAB, ORIENT, NY on the side. The chopper slowly came down and settled on the great lawn
besides the comfort station. Two men in white
coats climbed out.
“Did you call the Lab?’’ the Mayor asked.
“I didn’t call the Lab,’’ the Chief said.
The first of the two men had a chain saw. The
second had a gun. They approached the Mayor
and the Chief.
“We can take care of this,’’ one of the men in the

white coats said. He introduced
himself as Dr. Benjamin Hook,
Chief of Research. The other man
was “Butch’’ Pelligrini, the head of
security.
“Everybody step back,’’ Pelligrini
said.
“This is my jurisdiction,’’ the
Chief said.
Dr. Hook turned to face him.
“We’re going to cut a hole, stun the
creature with a dart, and take it
back to the lab for research. We do
this all the time.’’
“We’ll need a wrecker and a
flatbed,’’ Pelligrini said.
“Who is going to pay for this?’’ the
Mayor asked.
“The Federal government. Just
send the bill to the lab,’’ Dr. Hook said. Hook
waved to the helicopter pilot, and he revved up
the engine and flew off. “We’ll accompany the eel
back to the lab.’’
The two men in the white coats now gingerly
made their way across the ice to where the eel
was still tapping, now louder and more furiously
than before, if that was possible.
“Nice eel, nice eel,’’ Dr. Hook said.
With Pelligrini carefully aiming his gun at the
ice, Dr. Hook kneeled down, pulled a few times on
his chain saw and started it up.
A hundred yards behind him, Beech had now
arrived, dragging a giant bag of groceries.
“What the heck is going on?’’ Beech asked.
“This will just hurt for a second, Mr. Eel,’’ Dr.
Hook said. “Just a shot between the eyes and it
will be all over. Think of it. Heh, heh. You’ll be
giving your life to research.’’
“Stand back,’’ the chief said to Beech. “He’s got
a gun.’’
“I thought he said that was a dart gun,’’ the
mayor said.
“It isn’t,’’ the Chief said.
Things now happened very fast. The chain saw
broke through. And suddenly, this giant, snarling
eel leaped up from under the ice, his teeth snapping, his red eyes darting this way and that. And
then his giant body simply coiled the two men in
the white coats and pulled them toward his
mouth. The stun gun was fired, but the aim was
way off. A window shattered in the comfort station at the far end of the lawn. Then the eel ate
them in one gulp. After that, he looked again this
way and that, licked his lips, belched, and slowly
lowered himself down into the ice.
Everyone remained right where they were in
(continued on page 24)

DAN'S PAPERS, March 12, 2010 Page 15 www.danshamptons.com

New Town Supervisors Speak Out at Forum

TJ Clemente

By T.J. Clemente
humane touch, with honorable severLast Monday night at the
ance packages. He lauded his PBA
Unitarian Church in Sag Harbor,
contract as a realistic and good deal for
the new Town supervisors for
both the Town and the Police, with
Southampton, Anna Throne-Holst,
both sides acting responsibly. Finally,
and East Hampton, William
he said that deer overpopulation needs
Wilkinson, shared their thoughts on
to be addressed, although he is still
the state of their towns before a
formulating a policy.
crowd of about 75 in an event sponIn the past, I’ve often been critical of
sored by the League of Women
Wilkinson’s capacity to handle the
Voters of the Hamptons.
huge problems facing the Town, but I
It was not a debate—it was a conhave rethought it. Perhaps his steel
versation about where things are,
willed crusade to change the way
and how things are going to get betthings were done will succeed because
ter under their leadership. Absent
of his determination to stand up and
was the partisan bickering too often
lead. In this talk, Wilkinson was more
seen at political events. In fact, duranimated than in last week’s Town
ing the entire evening, I believe the
Board meeting, where he seemed thin
words Democrat and Republican
skinned about criticism in an editorial
Anna Throne-Holst, LWV moderator Anne Marshall, Bill Wilkinson
were never uttered. Instead, phrases
written by those who may have helped
used frequently by both supervisors were “We rate as residents.” A fiscally disciplined man, get him elected. But at this meeting, Bill
are going to” or “We have these choices.” The Wilkinson admitted to being frustrated by the Wilkinson made it clear that a new sheriff is in
underlying message was that, although there are fiscal chaos in East Hampton Town when he took town, and he will not tolerate business as usual
tremendous challenges ahead, both are eagerly the reins. He claimed the situation was worse no matter whose shoes he steps on to get the fisthan he thought and that he still doesn’t have cal town mess cleaned up.
waiting to attack.
Next up was Southampton Town Supervisor
First up and introduced by LWV moderator the handle on the actual revenue level. He
Anne Marshall was East Hampton Supervisor winced while saying that a $28 million hole may Anna Throne-Holst, who explained that her
Wilkinson, who spoke of his first 60 days in office have been created in the last three or four years themes of planning and partnerships will be key
as being a personal challenge of changing the by bad bookkeeping and spending based on pro- to pointing Southampton toward long-term good
“culture” of East Hampton Town government. He jections rather than actual revenue streams. No government. As a case in point, she introduced
outlined his efforts to have a more open govern- one knows for sure just yet. Wilkinson vowed to many on her team who were present at the meeting. Showing the clear minded approaches that
ment by rescheduling board meetings to accom- right the ship, perhaps by the summer.
He also promised that the downsizing of East got her elected, Throne-Holst is, in her own
modate both working people and out-of-town second homeowners, who, he said, “pay the same tax Hampton’s government will be done with a
(continued on page 22)

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DAN'S PAPERS, March 12, 2010 Page 16 www.danshamptons.com

Fun

(continued from page 11)

places, there is literally nothing on either side
of these superhighways whatsoever for hundreds of miles as they go through the desert
from one to another.
Arizona is a strange state. Nothing riles
them up. They’re the only state that voted
NOT to make Martin Luther King’s birthday a
holiday. But now they have gotten good and
riled up about the closing of the rest stops. It’s
a very serious situation. To drive from Phoenix
to Tucson is a distance that is, well, much farther than you would like to hold your water by
a long shot. Nobody wants to get out of the car
and go by the side of the road. And they are
mad as hell.
“We’re being pinned down here,” one woman
told a TV reporter.

Dear NYC Readers,

B

eginning April 2, Dan’s Papers is moving from
free to paid circulation in Manhattan. Those
wishing to read the paper in New York will find
it available in hundreds of newsstands and stores around
the city—not only on the Upper East Side but on the
Upper West Side, Wall Street, the Village, SoHo and
numerous locations in Brooklyn. The cost will be $2 a
copy. A partial list of locations is
at the end of this article.
This newspaper, which I
founded 50 years ago, was conceived and carried out as the first
free newspaper in America. At that
time, I reasoned that the new medium of television was free to viewers,
and I thought that giving readers a
newspaper for free was a right protected and encouraged by our country’s constitution.
Television, radio, magazines and
newspapers were nearly 100%-supported by advertising back then. It
seemed to me that advertisers would
eagerly embrace a newspaper that would sacrifice the small revenue
it received from individual copy sales, in
exchange for a wide
distribution five or ten
times that size. It had
never been done before,
and it required some
explanation for local merchants. But as it turned out, I was right about that.
oday, the playing field is very different and so is
Dan’s Papers. On the playing field now are
dozens of free ways to get information over the
Internet. News is transmitted almost instantaneously. As
for Dan’s Papers, it has morphed into a work of art on its
cover and a whole lot of opinions on the inside, plus a
widely ranging guide to activities on the East End. One
could not call it a newspaper or even a magazine. I don’t
know what you would call it. Perhaps it is just Dan’s
Papers, a category unto itself.

By the way, do any of you remember when
you could have fun watching TV for nothing?
It’s been a long time since you could do that.
Now, everything comes over the cable, and it
costs a bundle every month.
By the time you read this, the battle over
whether you got to see Amagansett resident
Alec Baldwin co-host the Academy Awards will
be over, however. But the lesson from it will
not.
ABC had the exclusive to broadcast the show.
And with TV advertising money in decline,
they wanted to hit up Cablevision with a bigger
charge to bring it to you. Cablevision resisted,
saying they would have to increase the charge
to the customers to cover their increased costs
and they didn’t want to do that and so ABC
Dan’s Papers will remain a powerful free newspaper in the community it serves—Montauk, the
Hamptons and the North Fork—supported by many
eager advertisers.
Beyond the gates that close across the Shinnecock
Canal every night at midnight, however, it will embrace
the new model—with the ads in the paper providing an
extra push in New York for those who pay for them. At
the same time, we’re asking those who enjoy the Dan’s
Papers stories and covers (a copy of the paper
on EBay with a signed
cover by Peter Max
was recently sold for
$139) to pay $2.00 per
copy. A small note on
the front of every issue
will read $2 IN NYC.
uring
this
summer, the
paper
is
proudly celebrating its
50th anniversary with
all sorts of events,
book readings, races,
kite flies and parties.
$2.00
NYC/Manhattan
A second edition of
the best selling memoir In the Hamptons:
50 Years with Farmers,
Fishermen,
Artists,
Celebrities, and Billionaires will be
out on Memorial Day in all bookstores. It is called, In the Hamptons
Too, Further Encounters with
Farmers, Fishermen, Artists, Celebrities and
Billionaires. There was a bake sale for charity last month
at our offices and there have been two art gallery
exhibits of this author’s cartoons—one at the Wintertree
Gallery in Sag Harbor and a current showing at the
Stony Brook Southampton college library to continue
for a month—and, later this summer, there will be an art
auction for charity of original paintings by Dan’s Papers
cover artists—Peter Max being one.
On the left is the list of where to find Dan’s Papers
in New York City. Thank you for reading and enjoying
Dan’s Papers.

D

2 in NYC

$

T

-Dan Rattiner, Founder

For the list of locations where
Dan’s Papers will be available
for $2.00 Please go to:

www.danshamptons.com/nyc

1193732

said well, no Academy Awards for you, and
everybody went nuts. The issue was resolved
less than an hour into the show, which by then
did little to alleviate the stress level that had
been building in town.
I do recall one January a long time ago when
this community had another major event on TV
go black. It was a traumatizing event for those
who lived through it.
It was in the early years of cable TV and the
event was the Super Bowl, which had just the
year before become the most watched show on
television. We got it in our house from the tall
TV tower, which is at the corner of Abraham’s
Path and Springs Fireplace Road in East
Hampton, courtesy of Cablevision, and for the
whole first half everything went fine.
Just as the teams were lining up for the kickoff to start the second half, however, everything
on our screen went black. It went black on
every screen served by Cablevision in our town.
And it remained black for the rest of the day.
The police soon reported that just at halftime, a person unknown had snuck down to
that tower with a shotgun and, hiding in the
bushes at the base of it, stood up at a certain
point and, with one well aimed shot of buckshot, shattered all the wires that went up the
150 feet to the top. Nobody was ever arrested
for this crime.
But it was my theory that it was some guy’s
wife. The age of Football Widows had just
begun. This guy, whoever he was, sitting with
his beer and chips in the living room, was the
object of this gun blast. And he and everybody
else got it, indeed.

Banners

(continued from page 11)

I was surprised that Grabowski even entertained the ban. She lives in Bridgehampton and
has the interests of this community at heart
when it comes to oversight by the Southampton
Town Board. But I think she’s heard from only
one segment of town about this. I think a majority of people have come to enjoy the banners.
I also think they HELP our community. They
reinforce the image that Bridgehampton is the
center of the Hamptons, which it is, geographically, between the Canal and Amagansett. It is
no coincidence that so many restaurants thrive
in Bridgehampton. They could not do so just on
the few people who live here. They are within
reach of everybody from East Hampton and
Amagansett to the east, Sag Harbor to the north
and Southampton and Shinnecock to the west.
Finally, I’d point out that other than advertising in Dan’s Papers, having the banner across
the road is probably the other important place to
promote a civic event. I dare say that the horse
show and the music festival depend on that banner. Much money is raised. Charities benefit and
fun and beautiful music ensue.
If I were on the Town Board, I would vote
against the banning of the banners in
Bridgehampton. But I’m not on the Board. I am,
however, the executive editor of this newspaper
and can stand on this bully platform and tell
everyone what I think.
No banner across a road needed for me. But
then there is everybody else.

DAN'S PAPERS, March 12, 2010 Page 17 www.danshamptons.com

BUSINESS
Givin’ You the

Politics and the East End Fishing Industry

By T.J. Clemente
The fishing industry in the United States,
and specifically on the East End of Long Island,
is in the midst of a swirl of controversy and turmoil due to what the fishermen call too much
government interference. New York State
Assemblyman Fred Thiele, a fine legal mind
who usually sees issues clearly, said, “The
source of nearly every problem faced by the
commercial fishing industry on Long Island is
directly related to the unfair quota system set
under federal law. The quotas are arbitrary,
capricious and based on faulty data. While litigation brought by New York State is pending to
overturn the quotas for some species, federal
legislation is clearly the best avenue to correct
this injustice.”
A few weeks ago, when two busloads of local
fisherman joined thousands from all over the
nation and descended on Washington to express
their displeasure on U.S. government policy,
Thiele said that their presence, “helps to highlight the need for regulatory reform of this
industry, one of our most hallowed traditions as
well as a continuing cornerstone of our economy. Their efforts in Washington will provide a
major assist to our Congressional delegation’s
efforts to institute a more flexible fishing policy
that balances conservation and economic
needs.”
As Thiele explained to me a few weeks back,
an amendment to the Magnuson-Stevens Act
approved by Congress in 1996 mandated that
the fisheries service create a rebuilding plan for

stocks that were in danger of being over fished.
That amendment, known as the Sustainable
Fisheries Act, was reauthorized 10 years later.
The problem, according to Bonnie Brady of
Montauk, executive director of the Long Island
Commercial Fishermen’s Association, is that
78% of 240 stocks harvested by commercial fishermen are actually not over fished. In fact
according to the government’s own statistics,
the majority of stocks are in great shape. Brady
pointed out that, now, 84% of stocks are not
experiencing over fishing. “We’re the only guys
doing the right thing and we’re being doubly
screwed for it,” Brady was reported to say.
“Fishermen have been villainized by the government.”
Brady, a speaker at the February 25 rally at
the nation’s capitol, was reported as saying,
“The idea was to create awareness of an issue. It
did so, but it was just a start. Unfortunately,
we’re in a marathon.”
The East End delegation at the rally, where
an estimates on attendance ranged from 3,5007,000, heard speeches by legislators including
Representative Tim Bishop, Senator Kirsten
Gillibrand and Senator Charles Schumer, all
Democrats from New York. Another vocal local
in Washington willing to be quoted was Bart
Richie, also of Montauk, who reported said, “I’m
not a recreational fisherman, and I’m not a commercial fisherman. I’m a fisherman.”
Feeling the heat of state regulation right here
in the Hamptons are brothers Paul and Daniel
Lester of Montauk. Daniel is faced with two

felony and five misdemeanor charges, while
brother Paul has a total of six felony and two
misdemeanor charges on his docket—all related
to the sale of porgies and summer flounder. The
men were charged with fishing without a state
permit. Their court date is scheduled on April 1.
The Lester brother’s attorney, Daniel Rodgers of
Riverhead, is vowing to end New York State’s
Department of Environmental Conservation’s
(DEC’s) ability to intimidate local fisherman.
His plan for the Lester brothers’ defense is to
prove that the reporting of the facts of the incident are incorrect; that the DEC data used for
the case is outdated and faulty; and lastly, that
there is a jurisdiction issue between the East
Hampton Trustees and the DEC.
So with the curse of certain fishing grounds to
be closed for up to 10 years and the controversy
of the state’s challenge to local jurisdiction concerning permits, the fishermen on the East End
are being challenged on many fronts. They join
fishermen, charter and party boat captains, and
marine business owners from coast-to-coast
who gathered in Washington to demand
changes in fisheries law that they say is putting
them out of work. The truth is that their plight
is lost in the chorus of voices saying government
is overstepping its boundaries. It comes down to
this: Will Washington hear their voices or will
the bureaucrats pay lip service and then go on
with business as usual while a sacred industry
fights for survival against overregulation by
people whose only real experience on the matter
is ordering the “fish of the day” at lunch.

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DAN'S PAPERS, March 12, 2010 Page 18 www.danshamptons.com

Library

(continued from page 13)

Tiffany Razzano

have adequate parking for
an increase in facility
size. While this has some
validity, everyone knows
it’s not the real issue.
There’s also the problem
of land originally donated to the library to be
“open space,” now earmarked for the 10,000-sf
expansion. Another valid
point. But the crux of the
issue has obviously been
more than parking spots
in an area of town with
little congestion. Older
members don’t believe
the library should be
expanded to accommodate proactive children’s
programs making it, in
their eyes, another day
care center. Those who
now use the library as a refuge from a cold
winter home in order to read quietly, warmly
in that special atmosphere, shudder at the
thought of young children disturbing their
peace. Some residents and library users find
it offensive to watch young children sitting
in booths, blowing up battlefields on computer games while wearing headphones to muffle the sound of special effects. Other members of the community resent the expense of
changing the library into something departs
from tradition, believing that progressive
socialization of today’s youth isn’t what a

library is for.
On the other hand there’s the fact that the
world has changed and that information is
now a mouse click away.
Then there’s the reality of costs. Bigger
facility equals bigger budget for more staff,
plus higher fuel bills. Too many see increasing taxes and shrinking incomes and fear
being overly squeezed. The truth is the East
Hampton community is growing both in size
and in year round occupancy. Local schools
and hospitals needed to be expanded over
the last few years. To believe that the library

should spend another 50
years without expansion
is unrealistic.
But expansion is a
process. There are politics
at play—the politics of
change, costs and even
historical factors. But the
delays and endless meetings are only escalating
the cost and reducing the
acquired value that a limited spending budget creates.
The very young who
may enjoy their first
library readings in the
expanded facility will be
the future of this country.
Someday they will have
to finance their futures
and pay for the errors of
the past in dollars they
earn for their entire lifetimes. Let’s give
them the tools to carry this burden, the
opportunity to associate in a space dedicated
to the advancement and preservation of
knowledge through the written word. Let’s
see a final approval of the library plans on
March 26.
The narrow-minded turf war stopping the
expansion of the library will end. Those
opposing will lose. The expansion will eventually happen. To anyone who doubts this, I
ask, “Why are there no one-room schoolhouses left in East Hampton?”

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party. Finally, a third time,
he turned around and in a
complete fury put his foot to
the floor and, well, you
know the rest.
“Edith started screaming
‘stop the car, let me out!’”
Ruth wrote in her book,
Love Affair: A Memoir of
Jackson Pollock, published
in 1976. “He was speeding
wildly.”
*
*
*
Many years later, I was having dinner with Kurt Vonnegut at Bobby
Van’s and, as it happened, we began talking
about Ruth Kligman and her relationship

with all the people in the art
world, of which Vonnegut, as
an author, played a part.
“I never liked her,” Vonnegut
said.
“How did she become everybody’s girlfriend like that?” I
asked.
“A lot of young women wanted to be painters’ girlfriends at
that time. The painter might
be up on a ladder working on a
big canvas. There’d be a knock
on the door. A young woman
would come in and say ‘I want to be your
woman.’ And the painter would point and say
‘the kitchen is that way.’”

Can a University Be Big and Small at the Same Time?
You bet. And new and old, too. Meet Stony Bones! He’s easily the biggest (and
oldest) freshman on our campus. This 70-million-year-old dinosaur is tame now
but was once a fearsome predator—even a cannibal. (He was discovered on
Madagascar by our own Dr. David W. Krause’s team of paleontologists.) Stony
Bones, 21 feet long, 7 feet tall, is now on awesome display on campus. Come in
and meet him. But remember: No feeding this Majungasaurus crenatissimus.

Talk about small! Here’s the teeny mouse
lemur. This guy weighs in at 1.29 ounces,
making him one of the world’s tiniest
primates. Mireya Mayor, Ph.D. ’08 discovered
him in Madagascar. Mayor studied with
Dr. Patricia Wright, who created Ranomafana
National Park, where they save not only lemurs
but hundreds of other species as well.

VISIT STONY BROOK UNIVERSITY AT WWW.STONYBROOK.EDU

PHOTOS: TOP, MEDIA SERVICES; BOTTOM, MARK THIESSEN

legends. Pollock, a
wild bohemian and
heavy drinker originally
from
the
Midwest, was sort of
“banished” to East
Hampton just after
World War II by his
patron saint in the
art world, gallery
owner
Peggy
Guggenheim.
Pollock
often
behaved very badly
Above, Pollock; Right,
in social situations.
Kligman at Pollock(At one party in
Krasner House in ‘94
Manhattan, he famously peed in a fireplace.)
Guggenheim felt Pollack needed a bit of fresh air,
sunshine and straightening out in the countryside.
It was here in a house on Springs-Fireplace
Road in the Springs that Pollock and Krasner set
up housekeeping, with rent and expenses paid
for by Guggenheim. In return, she got a percentage of the sale of all the artworks he produced for
as long as the arrangement lasted.
Pollock was in his mid-30s when he began the
work that would make him famous. He set a
giant canvas on the grass in the backyard of his
home adjacent to Accabonac Harbor here in
1947. The work was done from a ladder with
commercial paints being splashed down. Critics
called it drip painting. It was fabulous. He
became an instant success and a national
celebrity for the work he did. By the early 1950s,
however, the drinking and bullying began to take
its toll on Pollock. His work suffered. The critics
did not like the work he was doing now and he
bridled under their criticism. Personally, he was
becoming impossible.
In 1956, in the spring, at the age of 46, he
began an affair with the 25-year-old Ruth
Kligman. Whether he tried to hide it from his
wife or not, I do not know, but in July she decided to separate from him and take an extended
vacation in Paris.
This suited Jackson fine. Kligman, 20 years his
junior, could come out more often. She could stay
with him. On that fateful day in August, 1956,
she had come out from the city on the train for
the weekend and had brought along a girlfriend,
Edith Metzger, also 26.
There was a homecoming party that Saturday
night at the mansion owned by Alfonso Ossorio,
the wealthy Philippine painter who lived and
worked in East Hampton but had just spent a
month visiting family in Manila. Pollock really
did not want to go to it—he was apparently in no
condition to go—but Kligman and Metzger
argued with him and soon they got in the car, he
and Kligman in the front and Metzger in the
back.
Along the way—Ossorio lived on this vast 65acre estate on Georgica Pond in Wainscott three
miles away (it is currently owned by billionaire
Ron Perelman)—the argument about whether
they should go or not continued. At one point,
Pollock turned the car around and headed back
toward home, but then he turned the car around
again and headed the other way toward the

The Rules of the Rentals
By T.J. Clemente
With the weather getting warmer, the calendar begins to point again to the summer rental
season in the Hamptons. During these challenging times, many people are trying everything they can to save a dollar or earn a dollar,
by taking steps to either rent their home or part
of it for the summer, or get the best deal on a
summer rental. In addition to real estate agency
web sites, various independent sites have
sprung up to help homeowners avoid paying a
broker’s fee. But the truth is, this action is not
always wise—in fact it has consequences.
One homeowner said, “Craig’s List really consists of all the bottom feeders. When I made the
mistake of renting that way, I ended up in small
claims court, paying. I found out there is a system to renting, complaining and suing that
many on Craig’s List adhere to. They take
advantage of the greedy or desperate homeowner. The renters of my property broke my pool
heater, claimed it didn’t work, and a month later
I was hauled into court to refund their money
because the pool wasn’t properly heated, and I
lost. When it was all over I was out $5,600 for a
one-week rental.”
Joe Kazickas, rental expert and a founder of
HamptonsRentals.com, said, “Lack of a broker
could add risk to the transaction and with million-dollar properties, knowledgeable homeowners appreciate the value of mitigating risk.” He
went on to say that brokers in effect “vet” both
the renter and the homeowner to help “a more
efficient transaction.” He insisted that, for the

amount paid both by a renter or the landlord,
they get a very valuable service. Kazickas also
reminded me that there are laws, too. The everchanging rental laws in both Southampton and
East Hampton are of different philosophy. In
January, 2008, Southampton’s Department of
Building and Zoning began to issue a required
2-year rental permit to regulate home rentals in
that town. (The permits start at $250 and there
are plenty of discounts for senior citizens, veterans, former firefighters and policeman.) Permits
and home-rentals monitoring began to curb the
abuses, like renting to more people than can
legally occupy a home. Before this law was
enacted, renters would sign a lease for a 4-bedroom home and then have 12 people jump in on
timeshares. That practice is no longer permitted. But if a house in Southampton has 23 bedrooms, the homeowner can lease all 23, but the
permit is needed.
This is not the case in East Hampton. First of
all, permits are not required. However the number of unrelated people who can rent and live in
any house, no matter how high the occupancy, is
four. Also, only four registered vehicles are
allowed per home. Oddly, an owner can rent his
house out to different people every day—just
not to more than four unrelated individuals. An
owner who plans to remain in the house and
rent rooms may do so—but only two bedrooms
even if more are available.
For motels, the number was determined by a
2003 law requiring 70 square feet per person. In
other words, 10 people can’t stay in a two-bed

motel room. Many of these laws were put on the
books not to throw a cog into the summer rental
works, but because of safety and abuse issues—
like 20 illegal immigrants living in a basement
using buckets for bathrooms.
In East Hampton, the town police do not
enforce any of these codes unless the abuse is
overt. Otherwise the process starts when a complaint is called in to the police who then investigate and issue a summons if deemed necessary. The matter is then brought before a judge
who will initially hand out a $250 fine per
infraction if the violator is guilty. The police officer does not evict the illegal renters until there
is a court order. If the situation recurs, the fines
escalate upwards.
A big question is: What homeowner can truly
know how many people sleep at his rented
house on any given night? Who hasn’t seen that
abuse? In fact a few years ago on Shelter Island
on the night of the 10K race, over 40 people
stayed in a 4-bedroom house (many sleeping in
tents)—all illegal.
While real estate agents and agencies are not
responsible disputes that may arise once a lease
is signed, there is a level of screening that happens, even if on an informal level, when an
agency is involved. So perhaps the idea of using
a professional to vet the person you rent to or
from is a wise idea. After all do you want complete strangers knocking on your door to come
look at your home? That might seem acceptable
if you really want to save that 10% fee. But how
much is safety and security worth?

EVERYTHING OVER A MILLION
Sales Reported as of 03/05/2010
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available

DAN'S PAPERS, March 12, 2010 Page 21 www.danshamptons.com

Reality: It’s a Lot Like Life
By Susan M. Galardi
“Look at that sunset–it looks like a
painting!”
“It was so great, I felt like I was in a
movie!”
Sometimes life is so beautiful and
intense, it actually seems real.
Film, in 3-D with surround sound and
outrageous effects blazing across enormous screens, is starting to feel more
real than life itself—so much so that life
seems to pale by comparison. How could
even an exotic adventure like exploring
a remote rainforest along the Amazon
come close to falling into a rabbit hole
out of Tim Burton’s imagination?
Which brings us to Alice in Wonderland,
which I saw Saturday in East Hampton.
Even though that theater presented it only in
2-D, the film had a fantastic reality about it.
The Cheshire Cat realized from thin air.
The White Rabbit made it completely believable that animals could talk as well as be
comfortable in period costume. The
Bandersnatch looked like something you’d
see at the San Diego Zoo. The March Hare
reminded me of so many people I encountered at parties in the ‘70s. These creatures
were in fact the most real elements of the
film. I didn’t realize that until after the
movie, when my six-year old son asked me
what characters I liked the best. Johnny
Depp? Completely unbelievable for so many
reasons. Helena Bonham Carter? If I had a
nickel for every “Off with his head”…. Mia
Wasikowska? Her Alice just never woke up.
Anne Hathaway? The character should be
renamed the White-Bread Queen.
These human characters just weren’t real.
But I could completely see going home to the
White Rabbit scurrying to meet me at the
door. I could easily imagine the Blue
Caterpillar among the canker worms and
gypsy moth caterpillars on my trees in North
Haven. But I wouldn’t gas that one—I would
consult with him on matters of great import.
The fact is, with special effects becoming so
real, and 3-D becoming almost the norm (3-D
television is available right now), even fantastic characters in films are lifelike. Where
will it go from here? By the time elementary
school children are middle aged, televisions
and film screens won’t even exist—all people
will have to do is think about something
they’d like to see and it will materialize in
holograms right in their living rooms.
Or maybe, as reality TV intersects with
iPhones, iPods, YouTube and other me-technology, we’ll have personalized films that people create for themselves, that will exist only
in their minds. (Of course we already have

www.danshamptons.com

White Rabbit: lifelike; Mad Hatter: less so.

something like that—it’s called the imagination, and once we’re all tired of push
technology, maybe the human mind will
again come into favor.)
There’s another way this could go. As
audiences demand more and more realism, maybe, just maybe, we’ll see a resurgence in live theater. How much more
lifelike could you get than actual flesh
and blood humans on a stage? Maybe
we’ll be able to answer Leonard Cohen’s
lyric question, “Is the theater really
dead?” with a resounding NO! This could
happen. I know it will. As soon as we can
get rabbits to talk, and pigs to fly.

1318753

DAN'S PAPERS, March 12, 2010 Page 22 www.danshamptons.com

The Sheltered Islander
TAIPEI (Reuters) – A man in Taiwan was
robbed of more than $2 million in cash that he
had just withdrawn from the bank...
This story would have gone differently on
Shelter Island.
“Did you get the money from the bank, Joe?
We should have at least $5,000 for the trip.”
“Yeah. I took out some extra too.”
“How much?”
“I took out $2 million, Jean. I went to the
bank in the Hamptons because I knew they
wouldn’t have that much cash on the Island.”
“I’m sorry, Joe. Say that again.”

Supervisors

By Sally Flynn

“I took out $2 million. I thought, just once in
our lives, we should go for broke.”
“If you took out $2 million, we are broke.”
“Actually, that statement is truer than you
realize. You better sit down.”
“Okay, I’m sitting.”
“Maybe take a Xanax.”
“You’re scaring me, Joe. What happened?”
“Three guys jumped me and got the money.”
“I don’t need a Xanax, I need a gun.”
“Jean, you can’t shoot yourself over money!”
“I’m not going to shoot myself over money,
I’m going to shoot you, and yes I can. We don’t

even have $2 million...”
“I maxed out our credit lines and credit
cards, cashed our CDs. I just wanted this to be
a really memorable trip for us. We never get off
the Island and how many other chances will
we have to get to Atlantic City?”
“So, you were robbed of all the money we
had, all the money we saved and all the money
we could borrow.”
“I’m so glad you’re taking this so calmly,
honey. I was sure you’d be furious.”
“Relax, Joe, I’m way past furious. I’m past

ing because, as she explained, it’s just pure common sense.
Throne-Holst expressed her commitment to
continue to drive Southampton’s groundbreaking “green” philosophy forward. She lauded the
work of reappointed Southampton Town
Comptroller Tamara Wight, calling her, in effect,
the town’s chief financial manager and maybe
the best tool in the toolbox for keeping the town
well managed during these financially challenging times.
During the Q&A period, perhaps the most
important question was how the two supervisors
are looking into ways to partner more effectively
on issues like the airport, pooling health care
coverage for employees of both towns, and purchasing basic items jointly to entitle them to discounts. The contrast in style of the two was
marked—Wilkinson acting very much the role of

the new sheriff, and Throne-Holst being very
much the new voice of reason. But Wilkinson
does have the majority of the board to his advantage, where as Throne-Holst is in the minority
with hers. Perhaps the lack of partisanship in
this meeting will inspire the Southampton Town
board to look at the big picture.
After the meeting, Throne-Holst was good
enough to send her thoughts of the meeting in an
email stating, “Tonight was a chance to reach
beyond the issues and discuss day to day work
and goals in our administration.” She also
praised the League of Women Voters for the
Hamptons calling it, “a great asset to constituents and voters as they continue to create
ways for residents and tax payers to inform
themselves on those who represent them……I
hope this (meeting) is the beginning of several
more.”

(continued on next page)

(continued from page 15)

words, a “wonk,” meaning that her attention to
detail and ability to grasp concepts on both the
micro and macro levels will help lead
Southampton government in the right direction.
When she looked up and said, “The mortgage tax
once brought in over $14 million but now brings
in only $5.5 million,” she implied that the new
challenges of replacing what she once called
“found money” must come from prudent allocation of actual revenue streams.
Throne-Holst expressed confidence that a new
trust between town hall and the Southampton
Police force will result in a fair conclusion to the
protracted contract negotiations that have gone
on for too long. She spoke of consolidating overlaps in costs, services and authority to save
money and actually allow the town run more efficiently. These were not campaign promises, these
were now programs Throne-Holst is implement-

DAN'S PAPERS, March 12, 2010 Page 23 www.danshamptons.com

Twentysomething…By David Lion Rattiner
empty store fronts are changing the experience
of walking down Main Street in East Hampton.
As if Gucci made me happier when I didn’t even
dare to go in because it is so expensive and so
unwelcoming. At least the expensive local brands
say hello and get that, yes, they’re expensive, but
they respect locals and others who come into
their store. They welcome the company, versus
sizing you up in one look. And here and there,
they have a deal or two that isn’t worth passing
up.
So instead of seeing three purses in a window
for $5,000 each I see a for rent sign. I really
couldn’t even remotely give a crap about this.
The ones that are staying are the ones that are
adjusting to the market, care about East
Hampton and have landlords that care about
East Hampton. And you can bet your hat that
they are here to stay, and that we’ll be shopping
in them.

(continued from previous page)

irate, mad, cross, vexed, indignant, irked;
incensed, raging, choleric, outraged; livid,
foaming at the mouth, fit to be tied, seeing red;
sore, bent out of shape, teed off, and PO’d. I
should be entering homicidal rage in the next
10 seconds. Please call the Island police.”
“They can’t do anything for you.We were
robbed, that’s the whole story.”
“They can keep me from killing you, Joe.”
“Jeannie, honey, you’re talking crazy. You’re
just upset. We’ll get through this together.
Why are you taking out the iron frying pan?
That’s for camping. Jeannie, put it down
honey. I’m your husband, you can’t kill me!”
“I get $100,000 in life insurance, Joe. It will
help me start a new life.”
“They won’t pay on a homicide, Jean!”
“Oh yes they will! The agent is a woman.
She’ll give me double indemnity after you fall
on this frying pan and die of a head injury!”
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As you walk down Main Street in East
Hampton, there is no way not to notice the stores
that have closed up shop and now sit empty. Big,
brand name stores such as Gucci have bit the
dust.
For a guy on a journalist’s pay, this has not
changed my East Hampton Main Street experience at all. In fact, I feel almost a little bit more
included in the town that I grew up in now that
a few of these stores have closed.
There really isn’t a single store that has left
Main Street in East Hampton that I miss. All of
those that have left were stores that nobody in
the local community wanted here. But bit by bit,
the big brand names came in and the former
politicians who fought tooth and nail 25 years
ago to prevent it made exceptions, and before you
knew it, gone went the likes of local businesses,
replaced by corporate brands paying high rents.
Main Street began to look like Madison Avenue,
and the worst fears that protective locals in East
Hampton imagined were coming true. The only
thing missing on Main Street was a McDonald’s
and a KFC.
And the very reason that locals didn’t want
these stores was the fear of what is happening
now. That in rough times, these stores would
close down and abandon the street, leaving ugly
holes in what is one of the most beautiful and
wealthiest communities in the United States.
And what was also predicted, and happened,
was that landlords of these buildings would
drive out long standing businesses to be replaced
by the limitless fat checks of sexy, corporate
titans, who would be happy to pay the higher
rent forever and ever, just like the locals did, in
good times and bad.
And then the reality check happened.
The relationship between landlords and the
public shunning family businesses in East
Hampton in exchange for the glitter and glam of
power brands reminds me of the old guy who
leaves his wife for the sexier, younger vixen. The
wild crazy sex just can’t last forever there, bub,
and she’ll leave you in two seconds when your
pay scale changes.
There is also this upside down logic that the

Sheltered

1317088

DAN'S PAPERS, March 12, 2010 Page 24 www.danshamptons.com

Book Review: Final Voyage by Peter Nichols
By T.J. Clemente
Final Voyage: A Story of Arctic Disaster and
One Fateful Whaling Season, by Peter Nichols
(G.P. Putnam and Sons), is without a doubt a
worthy read about American nautical history
when whaling in New England was an industry
just breaths away from its extinction. With the
focus on the disastrous 1871 Arctic whaling season as a laser point, Peter Nichols slowly and
deliberately weaves a historical path, with narratives going forward and backwards in time but
always returning to that fateful season.
The action is set in the Arctic Ocean north of
the Bering Straight separating newly acquired
American Alaska and Russia. In waters that
knifed through a land inhabited only by Eskimos

and wildlife, the vigorous search for whales led to
excursions longer than two years, with many
vessels setting out from New Bedford,
Massachusetts. These voyages took well seasoned boats with well seasoned captains to the
remote corners of the globe in order to hunt and
procure the harvesting of the leviathans.
What makes Nichols work such a gem is his
magnificent twirling of historical facts, trivia and
detail into a narrative that educates you, interests you and at times shocks you into the realities of sea life—and life in general in America in
the late 19th century. Referencing Melville’s
Moby Dick and other noted American testaments
to what was once a way of life, Final Voyage
explains the decline of the great American whal-

ing enterprises by exploring its origins, its masters and its victims. The book describes how fortunes were made and then lost, “gradually and
suddenly.” In historical, detailed narratives, the
intricate life of sea captains, who actually
brought their wives and children along for these
epic excursions, is presented. It gave me pause to
think about a baby being born in a whaling captain’s quarters during a winter storm in the
Arctic. When the ships became trapped in the
arctic ice flow due to a change in early seasonal
winds, the ships had to be abandoned.
Nichols narrates in detail the methods of
vacating ones ship/home in the middle of the
fiercest storms. Not all that much could be
loaded into the small rowing boats used to lance
whales, often with waves of ice cold arctic water
splashing in. In amazement, 1,219 souls from 32
ships (including women and children) survived
this calamity. What makes this story compelling
is the backdrop of horrid weather combined with
the lack of any civilization in sight. Diets of rotting raw walrus meat, sometimes with the hair
still on it, was at times all there was to eat to
stave off starvation. This, juxtaposed with the
whaling titans back home, with incomes flirting
in the hundreds of thousands at a time when
people worked for $10 a week, living in mansions, eating at tables with white lace cloths. It is
the fusing of all of this information with actual
story lines that makes Final Voyage such compelling reading— on dry ground, perhaps in front
of a warm fire.

Eel

1318751

(continued from page 14)

total silence for five minutes after that. Another
ambulance arrived, but when the paramedics
got out, they all just stood there too.
Then a wrecker and a flatbed truck arrived.
Everybody continued to just stand around. After
awhile, people began to move around, but it was
just to keep warm. It was indeed a very cold day.
“All right everybody,’’ the Chief said, “it’s all
over. You can go home now.’’
“Can we go back skating now?’’ somebody
asked from in front of Basilico. A spectator
laughed. He honked when he laughed.
“No,’’ the Chief said. “No more skating. We’re
keeping the crime tape up until further notice.’’
If you go down there today, four days after all
this happened, you’ll still see all the yellow crime
tape up. The eel is gone. Police from all over the
island have twice now walked back and forth
over the entire lake looking for the eel, a military
helicopter bristling with guns hovering protectively overhead. But the search has been in vain.
Speculation is that, having had his meal, he has
swum to the south end of the lake and out
through the huge aqueduct that goes under
Meadow Lane there at the Beach Club and out
to sea.
There really is no other place he could go.
Experts say he probably won’t eat again for
another month. Eels digest very slowly. As for
the ice skating, enthusiasts are urged to try
Mun’s Pond in Hampton Bays, Little Fresh Pond
in Bridgehampton or Town Pond in East
Hampton. Southampton says Lake Agawam is
perfectly safe, too. But I don’t know.

If you shy away from getting your nails
polished a trendy deep shade of burgundy
or red, or you’re reluctant to spend money
on a French manicure because you’re worried it will chip and peel in a few days, you
haven’t seen, heard or read about Calgel.
Calgel is not an acrylic, it’s not used in
conjunction with nail tips, glue or linen
wraps, and Calgel is not your ordinary UV
gel manicure, which is done in many salons.
Calgel is done in very few salons in the New
York area, but it’s worth finding where you
can get one on the Calgel website, or
encouraging the salon you frequent to get
their techs educated in the system.
Known as the organic gel, Calgel was
developed 1981 in South Africa, ultimately
gaining huge popularity in Europe and
Japan. Unlike other gels, it requires minimal buffing
to the natural nail prior to application or removal,
thus does not damage your natural nails.
Currently none of the salons on the East End
where I often prefer to indulge in a mani/pedi and
massages do Calgel manicures, but I did find a salon
called Element on Third Avenue and East 10th
Street, with one other location in Brooklyn. Owner
Michelle Abrue, her manager Evelyn and one tech,
Ako, are trained to do Calgel in the Manhattan salon.
When I arrived for my appointment with Ako, I
was excited to learn that in addition to clear gel,

Hands Down, the Best Gel Manicure

which can be polished with traditional nail polish,
Calgel is available in colors. Therefore, you don’t
need to polish in between manicures. The cost of
Calgel at Element is about $60.00 for the clear gel
and $70.00 for colored.
The first time I had Calgel applied, I opted for the
French. It was amazingly simple and took less than
an hour. It was like getting a regular French manicure, except instead of polish the gel was used.
Between each coat of gel I put my hand under the UV
machine. Ako artfully applied each layer, with the
final layers being the white tips of the nails. The fin-

The

ishing touch was a regular clear topcoat of
polish.
My manicure lasted three weeks. At that
time I could have chosen to fill in the base
of the nail where it had grown out, or
remove the gel and start again. I chose to
have the gel removed and get a plain nongel manicure. A cotton ball soaked in nail
polish remover containing acetone was
placed on each of my nails, and then the cotton ball was wrapped in aluminum foil.
Minutes later the gel was scraped off like a
layer of dead skin. No buffing, no filling, my
own nails were in perfect condition.
Two weeks later I returned and had the
gel applied in a rich, deep burgundy, which
also lasted three weeks. In between, at
home, I took off the topcoat with a non-acetone polish remover and applied a new topcoat and
my nails looked as shiny as if they were first done.
Calgel is best for clients who don’t want to make
their own nails longer – for that, Calgel is a bit too
thin. So if you want to make your nails longer you
might need an acrylic or a traditional gel nail. But
when is the last time you saw someone fashionable
with really long nails? Nails that are too long look
fake and old fashioned.
For a natural looking and lasting manicure Calgel
is hands down the best product. To find a salon log
onto http://www.calgelnyc.com/store.php.

We are asking for a donation of non-perishable food which will be contributed
to the Suffolk County Coalition Against Domestic Violence
BOTOX®/Dysport® and Restylane Demonstation, Computer Imaging and an opportunity to meet with
representatives from Smartlipo™, Thermage®, Fraxel®, Zerona®, Perlane®, Restylane®, Dysport®, and Radiesse®

1318803

Tuesday, March 23rd at the Islandia Marriott
At 3635 Express Drive North in Islandia
Presentation 6:30 pm
RSVP 631-878-9200

Day of race registration from
7:00am-8:00am
Coming Soon:
Pre-registration will be available online.
Militia Park, Bridgehampton (Ocean Road)
For more information please email:
ellen@danspapers.com

1318871

DAN'S PAPERS, March 12, 2010 Page 28 www.danshamptons.com

Beauty/Fashion

Wow, the weather has been very cooperative and
everyone is out and about, gardening, clean-ups, fixing, walking, and of course shopping! It’s time to do
some early spring shopping!
When you go to the St. Patrick’s Day Parade in
Westhampton Beach this weekend, stop in at Main
Street Sweets/Ben & Jerry’s, 121 Main Street
where the store is offering a special promotion on
Saturday, March 13. The first 100 customers who
purchase a Ben & Jerry’s will receive a free St.
Patrick’s Day Parade hat, flower Lei or a mini bear.
Erin Go Bragh. For information call 631-288-5753.
Ooops, last week I reported the bad news that a
“Good Bye Liquidation Sale” at the Renaissance
Boutique, 42 Main Street, Southampton was in
progress. Well the good news is that Renaissance is
not saying “Good Bye” and leaving her eclectic space
on Main Street, Karen is just having a “goodbuy
merchandise sale” to make room for new inventory
that will be arriving any day. The store itself,
remains and the entire store merchandise is ready to
go out the door, with incredible markdowns.
Right across the street at Hildreth’s Home
Goods in Southampton and also located on
Montauk Highway in East Hampton, you will find a
great sale on plantation grown teak and all weather
wicker for up to 35% off. Talk about getting ready
early for spring/summer season! Now is the time to
get the good deals…so get shopping.
Bridgehampton Commons’ Angel Tips is continuing their “winter specials” on many different types of
manicure and pedicures. Get those boots off and get
the sandals out…Call for info at: 631-537-0100.
On Montauk Highway on Montauk Highway in
Wainscott, at Rumrunner, look for a cool 20% off
merchandise sale that is in progress. For information

The Shop-Mobile
call 631-725-1379. The store offers a fine selection of
indoor and outdoor furniture such as Redford House,
Urban Woods, Cavendish, Plantation Teak, and
many more. For information call 631-725-1379.
Getting ready for springtime is re-doing, re-vamping and re-newing…Naturopathica, at The
Redhorse Plaza, 74 Montauk Highway, East
Hampton is featuring their deeply hypnotic Nirvana
treatment, Monday through Friday with 25% off and
Wednesday through Friday offers their invigorating
pure botanical based facial for 25% off. Both services
are available throughout the month of March. Call
Naturopathica for information and appointments,
631-329-2525.
East Hampton Flowers, 69 North Main Street,
is springing into spring featuring their artisic
designs in weddings and events as well as a nice
selection of gift and gourmet baskets, made for every
occasion. Give a call at 631-324-8583 – www.easthamptonflowers.com.

Hampton Pediatric Dental Associates specializes in
general dental care for young people. We believe
that good dental habits started at a young age will
last a lifetime. Our office is designed to make children (& their parents) feel comfortable in a situation
that many adults choose to avoid! Our hours will
accommodate even the most hectic schedule. 1318743
1045403

HOUSE & HOME GUIDE!

Dazzelle

140 Pike Street Mattituck, (Next to Love Lane)

1318850

On the Long Wharf at the foot of the bridge in Sag
Harbor at Around Again, there is a “Huge
Clearance Sale” saving you up to 90% off men and
women’s clothing and accessories. Everything is on
sale including designers and jewelry. The furs are
slashed to 50% off. For information call 631-7254067.
A NEW KID ON THE BLOCK: “THE PERFECT ASSISTANT” – One of our own, Joan Gray,
Assistant to the Founder of Dan’s is bringing her
years of experience in Operations and
Administrative Services to the Hamptons. As “The
Perfect Assistant”, having worked in a variety of
industries in NYC as well as the East End, where
she lives, Joan brings with her an elegant confidence
as well as an ability to be that “Go-To-Professional”
taking on any project you might have. As a “Certified
Wedding Professional”, using her experience as
Operations and Catering Sales Manager, Ms. Gray
can also organize home, office or business system upgrades, as well as design consultation, parties and
events, putting together all types of celebrations,
both personal and corporate. The Perfect Assistant
can be hired on a freelance basis; day, week, month,
even a two-hour consultation very well can complete
the project. The Perfect Assistant can step in, and
put it all together for you. For information call The
Perfect Assistant at: 631-287-2198 or cell: 631-3796150 – or via e-mail: joangray31001@gmail.com.
Until next week. Ciao and happy late winter shopping!
If you have any questions or your shop is having
sales and or new inventory for the upcoming season,
my readers want to hear about it. E-mail me at:
Shoptil@danspapers.com I will be happy to get the
word out.

DAN'S PAPERS, March 5, 2010 Page 29 www.danshamptons.com

House/ home

XÜÜ? T ÑtÜxÇà

By Susan Galardi

Speed Schooling, or, Save the Nerd

Just say two little words, and people will either
glaze over with a glow of warm emotion, or shudder
with horror: High School.
I’m more a shudderer than a glazer when it comes
to high school memories. While I didn’t have to withstand ridicule, relentless teasing nor blanket rejection, high school was not one of my favorite life
stages. I kept out of trouble and made it through
teen rites of passage, but I was numbed with boredom by sophomore year.
Fortunately, the staff at my school was primarily
young lay teachers who’d been in college in the ‘60s
and were ready to change the world. That worked
out well, because I was ready to be changed.
Growing up with much older siblings, I buddied up
more with these “cool” teachers than my schoolmates. I spent free periods talking to the biology
teacher about the loss of modern species and hanging out with the chemistry teacher to discuss
Martha Meade’s work.
Thank goodness I had those cool teachers who
guided me, gave me attention, and provided constant intellectual stimulation in the form of extra
credit papers and out of class work. (Although I’ll
always feel badly for Miss Cato, who had to read a
30-page handwritten paper on Confucianism in
China, written by a 15-year old who was up all night
whacked out on coffee and NoDoze.) By junior year,
I wasn’t even required to be in class very much. I
had a lot of responsibility, which I took quite seri-

ously, and enviable freedom.
But what was I going to do senior year?
That’s when my guidance counselor enlightened
me about the Holy Grail: Early college admission. I
could LEAVE high school after just three years, do
my freshman year in college, then, upon successful
completion, get my high school diploma. It all
worked out perfectly. I got into my first choice college, and said good-bye to high school.
I wonder how many teens could have benefited
from this track – and not just nerds like me, but
kids who didn’t do very well and, out of sheer frustration, started to check out socially and academically; kids who, because they are somehow ‘different,’ were tortured though high school and would
probably benefit greatly from a ticket on the express
train.
So I was very happy a few weeks ago to see a story
in The New York Times. In a new program, dozens of
public high schools in eight states will make a battery of tests available to tenth graders, allowing
those who pass to get their high school diploma and
enroll immediately in a community college.
Interestingly, the program isn’t simply about accelerating success in high school, it’s about assuring
success in college. Statistics show that over a million college freshman in the U.S. have to take remedial courses, and many drop out before they get a
degree. This new plan, which is well tried in “high
performing” nations like England, Finland, France

and Sir Lancelot, the potbelly piggies; Binky the mini burro,
and others! From 1:30 p.m. to 3:30 p.m. at 93 Merchants
Path, off Sagg Road in Sagaponack. Entrance fee is $5. For
more info., call 631-537-7335.

SATURDAY, MARCH 13
SOUTH FORK NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM,
SALAMANDER SEARCH – Montauk’s vernal ponds are
one of the few places in the world where the Blue-spotted
Salamander can be found. Join SoFo President Andy Sabin,
to search for this unique species. Bring a flashlight, wear
boots. Walk depends on the occurrence of heavy rain.10 a.m.
Bridgehampton. For more information call 631-537-9735.
KIDS KARAOKE – 5 to 7 p.m., Regulars Music Café.
1271 North Sea Road, Southampton. Info: 631-287-2900.
GOAT ON A BOAT – “Three Bears, Three Pigs.” Show at
11 a.m. or 3 p.m. at the Goat on a Boat Theater in Sag
Harbor. Call Liz Joyce at 631-725-4193.
LIL COWPOKES PONY CLUB – Learn about animals
and how to ride a pony. 10 a.m. to noon, ages 3 and up at
Amaryllis Farm Equine Rescue, located at 93 Merchants
Path in Southampton. Phone: 631-537-7335.
MONTAUK PLAYHOUSE – Skills and drills basketball. 10:30 a.m. to 11 a.m. for grades K-1; and 11:30 a.m. to
12:30 p.m. for grades 2-3. Youth sports night 6 p.m. to 7:30
p.m. for grades 3 and 4; and 7:30 p.m. to 9 p.m. for grades 5
to 8. 240 Edgemere St. in Montauk. Phone: 631-668-1124.
MOVIE NIGHT AT THE ROSS SCHOOL – Ages 6 to
13, 6:30 to 8:30 p.m. Pizza, popcorn and refreshments
served. $25 per child. 18 Goodfriend Drive, East Hampton.
631-907-5162.
KIDS IN THE KITCHEN -Help make the dough for
Irish Soda Bread and while the bread bakes and read St.
Patrick’s Day stories before tasting the bread. 1:00 p.m. The
Hampton Library, Bridgehampton. 631-537-0015.
SUNDAY, MARCH 14
PETTING FARM AT AMARYLLIS SANCTUARY
–Love animals? Especially rescued ones? Visit Octaveous

Kid’s Calendar

MONDAY, MARCH 15
AFTER
SCHOOL
TODDLER
PROGRAMS
–Sponsored by The Parrish Art Museum. Registration
required: call 631-283-2118, ext. 30 to register. Located at
25 Jobs Lane in Southampton.
BUNNIES – and more at the Westhampton Beach
Library. 4:30 p.m. For children ages 3 to 5 with a parent or
caregiver. Come hear a bunny story and meet a new furry
creature. 631-288-3335 x10.
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 17
PETER PAN AS TOLD BY CAPTAIN HOOK - For
children 4 and up with a parent/caregiver. From NYC
stage, Arnie Kolodner stars in one man telling of the story
of Peter Pan. Tickets available to the public. 1 p.m.
Westhampton Beach Elem. School. 631-288-3335 ext 10.
FRIDAY, MARCH 19
LORD OF THE FLIES - The Westhampton Beach
Performing Arts Center presents National Players’ riveting
production at 9:30 a.m. Tickets currently available to the
public. 76 Main Street, Westhampton Beach. Tickets: $10.
Call: 631-288-2350, x102.
THE JACKIE ROBINSON STORY - At Westhampton
Beach Performing Arts Ctr, for grades 4-8. 10 a.m., 12:30
p.m. Tickets currently available to the public. 76 Main St,
WHBeach. Tickets: $10. Call: 631-288-2350, x102.
ONGOING
CMEE – Children’s Museum of the East End. Interactive
exhibits; arts- and science-based programs and workshops;
and special events. Located at 376 Bridge/Sag Turnpike in
Bridgehampton. Admission is $7 for non-members; members are free. For more info., call 631-537-8250 or visit .
GOAT ON A BOAT – Puppet shows and programs for
young children.Route 114 and East Union St. Sag Harbor.
For more info., call 631-725-4193 or visit goatonaboat.org.
SOUTH FORK NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM
(SOFO) – Hours are 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., 7 days a week, year-

and Singapore, is designed to help students focus on
the material they need to learn, rather then being
prisoners of their desks, putting in time to amass
enough credits to graduate, rather than maximizing
their time to master knowledge.
Even tenth graders who fail the tests after doing
the course work will have learned invaluable lessons: they’ll know where they need to hunker down
before moving on to college. Students who pass the
tests but have their sites set on selective colleges
rather than opting out early for a community college
would simply continue with college prep courses in
high school.
Unfortunately, New York State is not among those
that offer the program. Very unfortunate, since the
start up cost is reasonable, ($500 per student), and
the states participating will be able to apply for
some of the $350 million in federal stimulus earmarked for improving public school testing.
New York State should be a part of this program.
Students who aren’t on the track to be MVP, valedictorian or Miss Congenialty should be able to do
the work and move on to an educational experience
that won’t hammer their self esteem. I applaud the
program on behalf of misfits and nerds everywhere,
and I applaud one of its supporters, who provided
$1.5 million in seed money to get the program up
and running. The name shouldn’t surprise you: It’s
a man who undoubtedly had his share of wedgies,
the nerd of all nerds, Bill Gates.

round. A walk through the museum is like taking a nature
hike. Museum provides “field guide” for exhibits. Located at
377 Bridge/Sag Turnpike in Bridgehampton. For more info.,
call 631-537-9735.
SOUTHAMPTON YOUTH SERVICES – Daily kids’
programs in sports, dance and more. 631-287-1511.
YOUTH ADVISORY COMMITTEE – Sponsored by the
Town of Southampton Youth Bureau to give kids a voice in
town government. For more info., call 631-702-2425.
ART AT THE GOLDEN EAGLE – Various classes. 14
Gingerbread Lane, East Hampton. 631-324-0603.
SOUTHAMPTON TOWN WORKSHOPS – Call 631728-8585 to register for classes.
MUSIC TOGETHER BY THE DUNES – Music/movement program for children ages 1-month to 5 and their caregivers.Mornings. Monday and Tuesday at the Dance Centre
of the Hamptons in Westhampton Beach; Thursday at the
SH Cultural Center; and Friday at the Southampton Town
Recreation Center on Majors Path. 631-764-4180.
STORYTIMES
HAMPTON LIBRARY– On Saturdays from 10 a.m. to 1
p.m., stories and music-making for kids ages 4 to 7. Stories,
rhymes and songs on Tues., Thurs., and Sat. from 10 a.m.,
for kids ages 6 months to 3. Registration required. Main
Street in Bridgehampton. For more info., call 631-537-0015.
ROGERS MEMORIAL LIBRARY – After-school stories on Tues. at 4:30 p.m. for kids grades K through 2. Laptime on Thurs. at 11:15 a.m. for 18 to 36 month-old-infants.
Fri. songs/stories for kids ages 1 month and up at 11:15
a.m.; Mon., Mother Goose program for 1-17-month-olds,
Please send all event listings for the kids’ calendar to
events@danspapers.com by Friday at noon.

By Susan M. Galardi
We were all short changed by CableVision and
ABC’s greed, deigning to bring us the Academy
Awards well after the slam-dunk opening.
Fortunately, we don’t have to rely on them to take us
to the movies.
We’re lucky in the Hamptons to have multiplex
theaters right here in East Hampton, Southampton
and Hampton Bays to bring us the latest and greatest from Hollywood, as well as the ‘art’ houses and
smaller theatres in Montauk and Sag Harbor, the
latter always good for bringing indy and foreign
releases our way.
But for those who aren’t fans of the Hollywood
blockbuster or latest animation orgy, there are still
more options. Local cultural institutions, museums
and libraries, where film screenings aren’t the main

focus, have been offering film buffs great options all
winter long. For some reason, this particular weekend offers the discerning moviegoer an inordinate
amount of choices beyond Hollywood endings.
On Friday, Saturday and Sunday, Westhampton
Beach Performing Arts Center continues its “Finest in
World Cinema Series” with director Andrea Arnold’s
gritty, coming-of-age drama, Fish Tank. Katie Jarvis
plays Mia, a volatile 15-year-old who’s always in trouble and is ostracized by her friends. One summer day
her mother (Kierston Wareing) brings home a mysterious stranger who promises to change everything.
The New York Times wrote that the film’s sensitive
portrayal of adolescent angst has, “rarely been conveyed with such authenticity and force.” (For more
information on this film visit: fishtankmovie.com)
Fish Tank: 123 minutes, in English, not rated. Fri. &

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Fish Tank at WHBPAC; Two
In Southampton, the
from Bay Street’s
The Picture Show; Lives Parrish Art Museum carof Others at the Parrish. ries on with its winter film
series, “New Global Cinema: When Cultures Meet.”
This Friday, it’s German filmmaker Florian Henckel
von Donnersmarck’s Lives of Others, which won the
Academy Award for the Best Foreign Language Film
in 2007. Set in East Germany in 1984, the film
explores the relationship between a successful playwright and a captain in the East German secret police
who spies on her. Series curator John Turnbull will
introduce this screening.
Lives of Others (2006), 137 minutes. German, with
English subtitles. $5/for members, $7/non-members.
Fri., March 12, 7:30 p.m. 25 Jobs Lane, Southampton
Bay Street Theatre continues on with its ever popular “Picture Show” this Friday and Saturday, March 12
and 13, celebrating the work award-winning actress
Olivia de Havilland. Friday kicks it off with The Snake
Pit, directed by Anatole Litvak. It’s a shocking drama
about mental illness with de Havilland as Virginia, a
young newlywed who gradually reveals signs of psychosis before the joys of SSRIs. De Havilland’s chilling
portrayal compensates for a somewhat dated understanding of mental illness, and earned the actress an
Oscar nomination for her work in 1949.
On Saturday, March 13, de Havilland chews the
scenery in The Heiress (1949), directed by William
Wyler and also starring Montgomery Clift. A young,
naive woman, Catherine, falls for a handsome young
suitor whom her emotionally abusive father suspects
is a gold digger. It’s a heavy film, where Catherine’s
abuse by her father and paramour only serve to teach
her the golden rule – but not in the way Confucius had
intended. The ending scenes go right to the bone. The
film won four Oscars, one for de Havilland for Best
Actress.
In celebration of St. Patrick’s Day, Bay Street has
added a special Picture Show on Wednesday, March
17: 1952’s The Quiet Man, directed by John Ford (who
won an Oscar) and starring John Wayne and Maureen
O’Hara. Wayne plays an Irish born, U.S. raised bad boy
ex-boxer returning to his birthplace to buy his ancestral Thornton cottage from a well-to-do widow. O’Hara
is a mysterious, red-haired hot tempered Irish beauty
who catches his attention. Their courtship, with
themes of class and Christianity thrown in, is the stuff
of high drama.
“The Picture Show” at Bay Street, 1 Long Wharf,
Sag Harbor. Doors open at 7:30 and films start at 8
p.m. Tickets are $5.
Friday, March 12: The Snake Pit. 108 minutes
Saturday, March 13: The Heiress. 110 minutes
Wednesday, March 17: The Quiet Man. 129 min.
In addition, The American Hotel offers a $25
“Dinner and A Movie” prix-fixe package, which
includes a 3-course dinner, a ticket to the film and
popcorn. Dinner reservations can be made by calling
the Hotel directly at 631-725-3535.

DAN'S PAPERS, March 12, 2010 Page 31 www.danshamptons.com

Honoring the Artist:
Nick Cordone
This week’s cover, “Clueless,” is an example of
artist Nick Cordone’s love of animals and their
human traits. In a word, the cover is a signature
piece as well as extremely personal although most
people would simply think it was entertaining.
Which it is.
Cordone’s dog Axel served as a model for the
image, and the cover is a family favorite. The pet’s
human qualities, including his “gentle demeanor,”
shine through. Even so, Cordone concentrates on
aesthetic characteristics, including his sense of composition. Other images he’s created also focus on
composition, like “Show Biz,” where a pig gazes at a
jack-in-the-box with a combination of awe and anxiety. The diagonal lines and background/foreground
configuration add to the visual interest.
Q: Tell us more about the composition on this
week’s cover.
A: It reflects the sense of an apartment building
where the tenants don’t know the neighbors above or
below them. Each with their own concerns and interests. I expressed that by having the dog and birds
looking in different directions.
Q: Why is composition especially important to you?
A: Composition controls what the viewer sees. It
keeps the viewer’s eye within the confines of the
painting.
Q: Composition in a play and film establishes the
same purpose, right?
A: Yes. I did theatre design when I taught in college. Composition has to maintain focus. If you fragment it, it doesn’t work. I love movies, too, like King
Kong and Diabolique. If I directed a film, I would storyboard it all first to make sure I got the composition
right.
Q: Besides composition, I know you also have a
penchant for telling stories. Where do you get ideas
for your stories?
A: Each painting I do is like a trip. Life, in fact, is
a journey. I do all the research and get my ideas
before I paint. My ideas are a combination of different experiences. But artists like Rene Magritte also
brought me experiences from their life. As a kid, I
liked Magritte; his stories were simple but complete.
Q: Why else were you drawn to Magritte do you
think?
A: He lived and painted in a small town outside
Antwerp in Belgium. It was in a row housing development similar to our Long Island town of
Levittown. I was so impressed by the fact that this
world-renown artist worked not in a fancy loft in
Paris, New York City or Rome but rather in a humble suburban environment. I thought, “Wow, anyone
can create wherever they feel comfortable and still
achieve international success.” It was inspiring information.
Q: Besides painting, I know you are devoted to skiing and belong to a ski club. What good experiences
have you had with that?
A: I was able to ski Whistler/Blackcomb one week
before the Olympics. We were right in the middle of
the beginnings of this exciting international event.
We were able to observe the torch and caldron ceremony up close and even got to hold the torch. We
were also able to meet a few of the competitors.
Q: Do you consider yourself lucky?
A: Yes. I’m lucky. I have a lot of exposure, which
won’t stop me from continuing to create. I’ve got a lot
of little balls in the air. I just keep going.
– Marion Wolberg Weiss
Mr. Cordone’s work can be seen at Westhampton’s
Fitzgerald Gallery and Greenport’s South Street
Gallery. His website is nickcordone.com
NOTE: For more information about last week’s
cover artist, Nicky Gioia Mitchell, go to the website:
nickygioiamitchell.com.

Arts & Entertainment

Art Commentary
by Marion Wolberg Weiss

Steven Romm’s “Inner Visions”
Steven Romm’s newest
Simply put, Romm’s
works get around a lot.
images are beautiful and
Literally. We may even say
even spiritual in their way,
that, like surrealistic art,
but danger still lurks.
there’s a displacement of
Romm’s colors are also
sorts. This is not to infer that
disconcerting, leading to
Romm’s paintings are surrefantasy and a feeling of danalistic, however.
ger; the trees are particuBut consider this: We saw
larly unusual, where one
some of the artist’s paintings
red evergreen might stand
in process at his studio, then
next to a group of green
again hanging on his living
trees. We wonder about its
room walls. Their final destisignificance. Maybe we are
nation will be Romm’s exhibcomparing apples and
it at Saint Peter’s Church in
oranges, but we are remindManhattan.
ed anyway of Spielberg’s
What a journey of dislocaSchindler’s List where a
tion. Yet the paintings suryoung girl’s red cape is the
vive on their own, no matter
only color in the movie.
where they are positioned.
Also included in the forthSuch work has also survived
coming show are paintings
Romm’s aesthetic journey
that present an entirely difwhere his materials and
ferent view of reality, one
methods have personally
that is not contradictory or
evolved, particular the use of
fantasy-like but perhaps
Watermill, Four Corners by Steven Romm
powered pigments with acrylic
only fragmented. “Jocelyn,”
binder. The luminous results
Romm’s
abstract
work
are impressive and mysterious, even fantasy-like.
named for his mother, is self-referential, perhaps
There are other qualities that evoke this fantasy
recalling the artist’s personal experiences and influrealm, like the extremes between Romm’s expansive
ences. The geometric patterns (which are unlike the
sky/clouds and the tiny trees/buildings which are
circular configurations in the landscape series) recall
enveloped by the background. While such formal
a “stream of consciousness.”
traits do lend an air of Surrealism, Romm’s series is
Thus, we have a feeling that the artist is day
primarily fantasy, in this critic’s view. Local places,
dreaming about moments of his life; and akin to a
like Wainscott’s Beach Lane, become simultaneously
dream, these memories are non-linear, not following
familiar and frightening as white clouds envelope the
beginnings, middles and ends in a chronological
setting.
order.
Similarly, the landscape in “Sag South,”
On second thought, maybe Romm’s abstract works
“Bridgehampton,” and “Fall in Watermill” seem on
are fantasy as well.
the brink of disaster as ominous clouds hover above.
Steven Romm’s exhibit will be on view until April
We can’t help but wonder if the clouds will descend
19 in New York at Saint Peter’s Church (619
on the farms below, smothering everything in their
Lexington Ave.). Call 212-935-2200.
path.

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WESTHAMPTON BEACH PERFORMING ARTS (+)
(631-288-1500)
Fish Tank – March 12 7:30, March 13, 7:30,
March 14, 1, 4
BAY STREET THEATRE (+)
The Snake Pit – March 12, 8 p.m.
The Heiress – March 13, 8 p.m.
The Quiet Man – March 17, 8 p.m.
The sign (+) when following the name of a theatre
indicates that a show has an infrared assistive listening device. Please confirm with the theatre before
arriving to make sure they are available.

DAN'S PAPERS, March 12, 2010 Page 33 www.danshamptons.com

Food / Dining

Simple Art of Cooking Silvia Lehrer
Though corned beef and cabbage may appear on
many a menu this coming week to celebrate St.
Patrick’s Day on March 17, in Ireland they will, no
doubt, feast on salmon or Irish stew. Typically corn
beef and cabbage is an American idea and as much as
I love the dish, salmon is in accord with spring and
spring can’t arrive quickly enough.
Pan seared salmon with lentil stew can dovetail
into the holiday mode and also fit into a break from
winter. The lentils are cooked until tender then
drained and added to a vegetable mix of carrot and
fennel. The lentil stew makes a delicious base for the
quickly and simply pan-seared salmon.
To give this duo a festive air complete the menu
with light and lemony, lemon squares.
LENTIL AND FENNEL STEW
Prepare with French green lentils if possible
for a colorful and very tasty stew, or a side dish to
serve with fish or meat.
Serves 4-6
1 1/2 cups green lentils, preferably French lentilles
de Puy, picked over and rinsed well
4 cups water to cover lentils by 1/2 inch
Kosher salt
1 medium onion, studded with 2 cloves
1 bay leaf
2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
2 shallots, finely chopped
2 carrots, peeled, trimmed and cut into small dice
1 fennel bulb, trimmed, rinsed, sliced and cut into
small dice
Freshly ground pepper to taste
Chopped parsley for garnish
1. Place rinsed lentils in a large 4 quart saucepan
and add salt to taste. Bring the water to a boil and
add the onion and bay leaf. Cover and cook lentils at
a brisk simmer with cover ajar for about 20 minutes
or until tender. Drain reserving 1/2 cup of the cooking liquid and discard the bay leaf.
2. Meanwhile heat two tablespoons oil in a clean
saucepan, put in the shallots and saute for 2 to 3

St. Patty’s Day Delight

minutes, stirring occasionally. Add the carrots and
fennel with the reserved cooking liquid; cover pan
and cook for 5-6 minutes longer. Season mixture with
salt and pepper to taste.
3. Add the drained lentils to the vegetable mixture
and bring to edge of a boil. Adjust heat to mediumlow and simmer for 2 to 3 minutes until mixture is
tender and flavors incorporate. If liquid is absorbed
before lentils are completely tender add 2-3 tablespoons boiling water. To serve garnish with parsley
and serve warm with pan seared salmon.
PAN-SEARED SALMON
Prepare the quick and simple salmon
to serve over the flavorful lentil stew.
Serves 4-6
1 1/2 pounds center cut salmon fillet with skin
Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper to taste
2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
2 to 3 tablespoons snipped chives
1. Have the salmon fillet cut into 4 6-ounce or 6 4ounce fillets. Heat oil in a heavy 12-inch saute pan
over medium-high heat and season the fillets with
salt and pepper. When the oil shimmers put in the
fish, skin side down, reduce the heat to medium and
cook for 4 minutes. With a spatula turn each fillet
and cook for 3 to 4 minutes longer depending on the
thickness of the fillets and desired doneness.
2. To serve, put a few spoonfuls of lentil stew in the
center of 4 to 6 warm plates.

LEMON CUSTARD SQUARES
It almost looks as if a pile of whipped cream tops
this lemony custard. But in fact the egg whites,
which are beaten into the base mixture,
separate while the custard bakes.
Serves 8
2 tablespoons unsalted butter at room temperature
1 1/4 cups sugar
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
Grated rind and juice of 2 large lemons
4 eggs, separated
1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar
1. Place butter and sugar in a large mixing bowl
and beat with a wooden spoon until creamy. Beat in
the flour.
2. Grate the rind from both lemons then juice
them. Add rind and juice to the mixture then stir in
egg yolks, one at a time
3. In a separate, clean cold bowl with cold beaters,
whip the egg whites with cream of tartar until firm,
but not dry peaks form, about 2 1/2 to 3 minutes, gently fold about one-fourth of the beaten whites into the
custard. Carefully fold in remaining whites until well
incorporated. Transfer to a non-reactive buttered
baking pan such as Pyrex or porcelain and bake in a
preheated 350 degree oven for 25-30 minutes. Can be
prepared ahead and refrigerated up to 24 hours. Cut
into squares for serving.

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Place a fillet of fish over the lentils and drizzle
each fillet with drops of lemon juice and a sprinkle of
snipped chives.

DAN'S PAPERS, March 12, 2010 Page 34 www.danshamptons.com

Food / Dining

A Classic at Bobby Van’s
la. Yes you read that list correctly. This is in the $25
three course menu.
I tried the half roast chicken which was amazing.
Cooked perfectly, it comes out with sauteed spinach
with garlic and whipped mashed potatoes. I highly
recommend this dish if you are going prix fixe. My
guest tried the grilled salmon, which lies on a bed of
green lentils and vegetables that has a flavor in its
own dimension.
On Tuesday nights you can get one of the most
amazing lobster deals in the Hamptons, which is a 1
and 1/4 pound lobster served with a local baked
potato and corn on the cob for just $21. Lobster anywhere at this price is unheard of, even at the local
seafood shop.
Desserts on the prix fixe include sorbet, warm
apple Betty, pecan pie and an array of ice creams. If
you don’t order the apple Betty you will have made
a mistake. This is by far the best dessert on this list
and is remarkable.
The main menu of Bobby Van’s is a fine diner’s
dream and includes a raw bar of local littleneck
clams on the half shell, lobster cocktail, shrimp
cocktail and Robin’s Island Oysters (Robins Island
is down the street from Shelter Island in Gardiners
Bay).
There is also Carpaccio of Filet Mignon served
with baby arugula, shaved reggiano and extra virgin olive oil which is a popular dish. So is true for
the Thai shrimp tacos which I’ve had on a different
occassion and which are delicious. If you’re hungry
the Harry Salad is the way to go with chopped
shrimp, string beans, tomatoes, red onions, roasted
red peppers and topped with bacon. Amazing. But
watch out because you will fill yourself up too early.
This is wise to share with your guest.

The main menu is all about the steaks in my opinion. Known as a meeting place for business people,
long time friends, family and romances, nothing
says Bobby Van’s like their steaks. It’s what they do.
If you go to Bobby Van’s with more than three people, somebody has got to order a steak by law.
The filet mignon here melts in your mouth. And
the Bobby Van’s steak sauce that it comes with has
earned its own reputation as the perfect steak
sauce. If you want to go big, get the Porterhouse.
Sides include an option of classic steakhouse choices like spinach, French fries, baked potato, onion
rings and asparagus.
Executive Chef John Stella knows what he’s doing
in the kitchen. It is just so obvious based on the
quality of the food here. Other entrees include a sensational olive oil poached Halibut with
Mediterranean orzo pilaf and a saffron broth. Let
the taste bud dancing begin.
He also likes to cook with a bit of an Asian flair on
some of his dishes, most notable is his spicy rare
tuna that comes seared and served with Wakamei
seaweed salad, gingered jasmine rice and a warm
plum-sesame vinaigrette. A superb dish.
You quite simply feel as if you are in the hands of
some of the world’s best trained chefs and waitstaff
at Bobby Van’s, and the truth of the matter is, you
are. It’s why this restaurant is always busy, lunch or
dinner. It draws the finest people and the people
who appreciate a quality meal. At Bobby Van’s a
burger and a beer at the bar is just fine with them
while watching the game on their flat screens. And
so is a three course celebration of simply amazing
food. I’m a lifetime Bobby Van’s diner.
For reservations call 631-537-0590. Located on
Main Street in Bridgehampton.

H A M PT
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Be included in

expanded
Dining Log
for 3/19/10

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By David Lion Rattiner
On the East End, there are some restaurants that
are in a league of their own. One such restaurant is
Bobby Van’s in Bridgehampton.
Bobby Van’s is so good that it is hard to start this
article. Everything from the service, to the food to
the decor is as first rate as a restaurant can possibly be.
Upon entering the restaurant, you are greeted by
an attractive host and amazed at the scene before
you. To your right is a gorgeous bar with a bartender who seems to know everybody and if you’ve
been there once before, will recognize you and know
your drink. To your left is the dining room, complete
with outstanding artwork that is quietly for sale
and a bustling group of diners, even during the
darkest days of winter. Bobby Van’s has created its
own culture and its own following because quite
simply, the food is just that good.
Our night their began to sample the Prix-Fixe for
$25 that runs from Sunday to Friday and lasts all
night long. It almost sounds too good to be true for a
legendary New York steak house. But it isn’t.
The three course prix-fixe menu is long and
includes appetizers such as their Caprese salad of
mozzarella and tomato, which we tried and is fabulous. The mozzarella here is as fresh as it gets and
the sweet dressing and perfect tomatoes cannot be
beat. Also on the prix-fixe menu is the soup of the
day, a Caesar salad (fabulous), a mixed green salad
and a wedge of iceberg lettuce that is a steakhouse
classic here.
For dinner it is your choice of a 21-ounce broiled
ribeye steak, chopped steak, chicken parmigiano,
half roast chicken, grilled salmon, broiled flounder,
mussels or rigatoni pasta with basil and mozzarel-

rc

8
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If the weather man is to be believed, it’s probably raining as you read this, but with the temperatures warming, spring is just around the corner
— and I couldn’t be happier. Last weekend I
enjoyed my first glass of wine on a local winery’s
patio and I look forward to many more this season.
It’s a great time for everyone to get out and
enjoy our local wine country.
But, it’s important to remember that these
tasting rooms are not bars, or lounges or clubs.
There are rules — written or unwritten — that
every visitor should adhere too. It will make the
experience more fun for you, your fellow customers and for the wineries. And the fact is, the
wineries want you to have fun. But they also want
you to be safe.
With that in mind, here are a few tips to help you
get the most out of your trip — whether you’re new
to visiting winery tasting rooms or a seasoned vet:
Designate a Driver- The tastes you’ll get most
wineries are small — only an ounce or so — but they
can add up over the course of a day. Choose your designated driver before you even arrive at the first
winery. Don’t assume that “someone will be sober
enough to drive” at the end of the day. Nothing ruins
a great day at the wineries like a DWI arrest, or
worse.
If you don’t want to designate a driver, hire one of
the limo or bus companies to drive you around. One
of my favorites is Vintage Tours (631-765-4689)
Don’t Try to Visit Every Winery- Again, those lit-

tle pours add up. Pick three or four wineries that
you want to visit and take your time at each. Wine
tasting is about more than just the wine. Enjoy your
friends, the setting and the conversation. Rushing
because you want to visit every winery on the North
Fork in one day takes away from the experience.
Don’t do it. You’re just not going to have a good time
if you try.
Bring a Picnic Lunch- One of the things I enjoy
most about a winery afternoon is having a picnic
lunch among the vines. Many wineries have beautiful patios or decks where you can spread out and
have a great lunch. But, if you’re going to drink wine
with lunch, make sure it’s from the winery hosting
you. In most cases, they’ll even lend you glasses. It’s
rude to drink wine from another winery on someone

else’s property. My favorite place to pick up a picnic
lunch is The Village Cheese Shop (298-8556)con
Love Lane in Mattituck — the best cheese shop
around.
Don’t Wear Perfume or Cologne- This is probably
just a pet peeve of mine (and every other wine geek
out there), but if I’m tasting wine, I want to be able
to smell the wine…not the cologne the guy next to
me has drowned himself in. You’ve met that guy. I
know you have. Hopefully you’re not that guy. Just
be considerate.
Remember It’s Not a Bar- Some wineries may
seem like bars, but they aren’t. Be respectful of
those pouring wine for you and don’t ask to be
“filled up” when you’re tasting. If you want to drink
to get drunk, head to your local watering hole —
with your designated driver in tow.
Bring Friends and Have Fun- Wine is best
enjoyed with friends. Get a group together and have
a great time (with that designated driver, of course.)
But remember that you aren’t the only people out
there. Try not to be too loud or annoying. It ruins the
atmosphere for everyone else.
Buy a Bottle to Take Home…If There’s One You
Like- Some people say you absolutely need to buy at
least one bottle of wine at each winery. That’s ridiculous. Never feel pressured to do so. Of course, if
there’s a wine you really love, why wouldn’t you
want to take some home?
Remember, wineries want you to have a great
time so that you’ll come back again and again, not
feel guilty and never return.

benefit Riverhead Foundation for Marine Research and
Preservation. Tickets $150; sponsorships $500-$10,000.
Reserve at 631-369-9840.
ST. PATRICK’S DAY PARADE MARCHERS NEEDED –
The North Fork Chamber of Commerce is looking for groups
or organizations interested in marching. Call Joe Corso, 631734-5959.
FROGS, BUGS AND ANIMALS SHOW- 1 p.m. at
Mattituck-Laurel Library, Mattituck. Join Green Meadows
Farm for an exciting wildlife show. Free; all welcome. 631298-4134.
YOUTH NIGHT - For grades 5-8, 7-9 p.m. at Southold
Town Recreation Center located on Peconic Lane in Peconic.
Kids can play pool, ping-pong, indoor basketball and foosball.
Free to resident youth. 631-765-5182.
MALE A CAPPELLA - 7 p.m. in auditorium at Mattituck
High School. Award-winning male a cappella group features
recent MHS graduate Mark Verity on lead vocals. Part of
group’s “In the Heat: Spring 2010” tour. Tickets $5; available
at door. 631-298-8305.
SUNDAY, MARCH 14
SUSHI AT THE LIBRARY - Sushi for Kids, 2-3 p.m. for
grades K-3 at Southold Free Library. 631-765-2077.
PHOTO PRESENTATION OF BARNS OF THE NORTH
FORK - ‘The Barns of the North Fork,’ 2-4 p.m. at CutchogueNew Suffolk Library, hosted by Cutchogue-New Suffolk
Historical Council. Photographic presentation by Mary Ann
Spencer. Free admission and refreshments. 631-734-7122.
ONGOING EVENTS
SOUP KITCHEN - Community supper, free soup kitchen
for those in need, 5:30-6:30 p.m. on Wednesdays at St. Agnes
Roman Catholic Church parish hall, located on Sixth Street
in Greenport. For more info., call 631-765-2981.
WEIGHT LOSS - The second Tuesday of every month, Dr.

Russ L’HommeDieu, a physical therapist, holds a free weight
management lecture and discussion session for people battling weight loss problems. The discussion is moderated by
Dr. Russ, who has himself upheld a 200-pound weight loss.
Space is limited. For more info., contact New Life in Progress
at 888-446-7764.
HEALTHY COOKING MADE QUICK & EASY - The second Friday of every month, a Quick and Easy Healthy
Cooking demonstration is being offered. The demo will be
performed by Dr. Russ L’HommeDieu, DPT; a certified
Wellness Coach who has himself maintained a 200-pound
weight loss for the last four years. This would be a great
place to gain insight on how to cook and eat healthier. Dr.
Russ will be offering some GREAT ideas on how to cook
healthy food for the whole week when you’re pressed for
time. He will also be discussing the health benefits of
including whole grains in your diet. If you eat, you don’t
want to miss this! Space is limited. Reservations are
required. There is a small materials fee. Call 888-446-7764
right away to reserve your spot!
REIKI CIRCLES - Reiki Circles Monday Nights at the
Grace Episcopal Church on the last Monday of every month.
Meetings are held at the Peconic Bay Medical Center. For
more info., contact Ellen J. McCabe at (631) 727-2072.
SKATEBOARDING - Great skate park in Greenport
offering ramps and a half pipe. For hours and other info.,
call 631-477-2385.
INDIAN MUSEUM - In Southold, open 1:30 p.m.- 4:30
p.m. on Sundays. For more info., call 631-765-5577.
CUSTER OBSERVATORY - Weather permitting, Custer
staff will be on site to assist visitors in observing the night
sky and in using their telescopes. Open from sunset until
midnight in Southold. For more info., call 631-765-2626.
MEDITATION - Buddhist meditations, 7 p.m. on
Monday evenings at the First Presbyterian Church on Main
Street in Southold. For more info., call 631-949-1377.

DAN'S PAPERS, March 12, 2010 Page 37 www.danshamptons.com

Day By Day

PICK OF
THE WEEK
RELAY FOR LIFE FUNDRAISER American Cancer Society, Relay For Life/Southfork.
Dance-Chinese Auction, 50/50, raffles. 7-10 p.m. at
The Elks Lodge 1574 County Rd. 39, Southampton.
Music by The Roadhouse Band. Cash Bar. Advanced
Ticket Sales $10 at the door $15. Non for Profit-Tax
Deductible. For Information 631-377-1046.

TUESDAY, MARCH 16
DANCING 101 - Learn basic dance movements and
popular steps. 9:30 to 10:30 a.m. Living Well Yoga and
Fitness, 83 Elmwood Street, Montauk. 516-380-5422.
PILATES - Mat pilates at the Quogue Library. 6:30 p.m.
Call 631-653-4224 ext 4 to register for the class. Cost is $7.
Quogue.
FRIENDS OF THE BIG DUCK- Meets 7 p.m. on the
first Tuesday of each month at the David W. Crohan
Community Center, 655 Flanders Road (Route 24),
Flanders. Membership is free and open to all Suffolk residents. 631-727-5342 or .
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 17
CREATIVE WRITING: A WORKSHOP FOR FICTION AND NON-FICTION - Learn to organize your
thoughts to produce readable, effective and publishable
work with Eileen Obser 6–8 p.m. $150. Session 1: March
17, 24, April 7, 14, 21. The Ross School, Goodfriend Drive,
East Hampton. 631-907-5000.
OPEN MIC NIGHT – hosted by Johnny B, from 9 p.m.
to 12 a.m. Sign up at 8 p.m. Quogue East Pub, 530
Montauk Hwy, East Quogue. 631-653-6677.
WRITERS SPEAK - The popular literary event at 7
p.m. in Duke Lecture Hall, free and open to the public.
There also will be select special events at Stony Brook
Manhattan. Richard Panek discusses writing science for
the non-specialist. For information, call 631-632-5030.
THE PICTURE SHOW AT BAY STREET - The Quiet
Man to be shown on the big screen for $5. 1 Long Wharf.
Sag Harbor. 631-725-9500
THURSDAY, MARCH 18
JIM TURNER LIVE - Jim Turner Hosts Open Mic
Night at Blue Sky Restaurant in Sag Harbor. No Cover,
special guests and interesting performers. Everyone is welcome! 9 p.m. 631-725-1810.
FRIDAY, MARCH 19
FRIDAYS AT NOON AT THE PARRISH ART
MUSEUM - A talk entitled “The Finished Muse,” a look at
the unique relationship between Alex Katz and his
wife/muse Ada, whom he painted for 50 years. Parrish Art
Museum, Southampton, 631-283-2118, ext .22.

For totally complete,
up-to-the-minute
listings, go to

danshamptons.com
click on: Calendar

A Little Night Music

theater review/gordin & christiano

Joan Marcus

With her name above the title at Broadway’s
Walter Kerr Theatre, Oscar winner Catherine
Zeta-Jones makes for great box office in the
entertaining revival of Stephen Sondheim’s A
Little Night Music. The screen beauty plays
Desiree, the fading actress at the center of the
elegant classic. If her glamorous presence isn’t
exactly a perfect fit, she generates enough star
power in the Trevor Nunn production to pack the
houses in spite of the evening’s shortcomings.
Based on Ingmar Bergman’s film Smiles of a
Summer Night, the musical boasts some of
Sondheim’s most lush melodies and insightful
lyrics. Nunn’s downsized production comes from
London’s Menier Chocolate Factory, where he
essentially reduced the orchestra to eight musicians playing Jason Carr’s arrangements beautifully with mixed -in amplified sound that comes off
tiny in the big Broadway house. What might have
been aesthetically necessary in the Menier may feel
small, even weak, to Sondheim lovers.
The good news is that Zeta-Jones in her
Broadway debut makes a confident presence as
Desiree and looks marvelous in David Farley’s period costumes. Desiree is a middle-aged star, a professional seductress, who is suddenly visited by a former love, Fredrik (Alexander Hanson), a widowed
lawyer now 11 months into an unconsummated

Catherine Zeta-Jones, Angela Lansbury
marriage. Ann (Ramona Mallory), his new bride, is
an 18-year-old virgin who harbors an unconscious
desire for Henrik (Hunter Ryan Herdlicka),
Fredrik’s seminary-bound son. Adding to the
intrigue and the emotional dynamics is Carl
Magnus (a splendid Aaron Lazar), Desiree’s jealous
lover, and his craft wife Charlotte (a fine Erin
Davie).
Zeta-Jones, the bona fide movie star, is a suggestive actress with a good voice and London theater
credits under her belt. She throws herself into the
role with gusto and her sensual take on Desiree,

although a delight, sheds no new light on the character. She comes across as more robust than world
weary, and she’s a bit too vulgar for the late 19th
century tale. Nunn’s contemporary feeling production misses the sophistication and nuance necessary for the Sondheim classic and may have been
tailed to Zeta-Jones’ limitations.
Reprising his London performance, Hanson is
simply wonderful, but too good looking to convince
anyone that he’s short on options with women.
Rising above the entire proceedings is Angela
Lansbury, the five-time Tony award winning legend as Madame Armfeldt, Desiree’s sharp tongued
mother. She has some of the most memorable lines
in Hugh Wheeler’s sardonic book. The 84-year-old
actress understands just what is needed and
makes the most of every moment. Her take on the
song “Liaisons” is a highlight of the evening that
still lingers in my mind.
A Little Night Music is now playing at the Walter
Kerr Theatre, 219 West 48 St. For tickets call 212239-6200.
Theater critics Barry Gordin & Patrick
Christiano are members of the Drama Desk. Barry
is an internationally renowned photographer.
Patrick is the artistic director of SivaRoad
Productions and a member of the 2009/2010 Drama
Desk nominating committee.

DAN'S PAPERS, March 12, 2010 Page 38 www.danshamptons.com

Letters
LET IT SNOW
Dear Dan,
Due to the recent massive
snowstorms in Washington,
Congress was not able to be
in session for several weeks
in February. What great
news!
Our civil and economic
liberties are continually at
risk when any city, state or
Federal legislative body is
in session. Elected officials
on a bipartisan basis routinely pass legislation to
increase spending, taxes,
borrowing and deficits.
They also pass bills benefiting their “Pay for Play”
contributors along with new
rules
and
regulations
infringing on our day-to-day
lives. When Congress is not
working, they can’t cause
mischief and grief for the
rest of us.
May the winter blizzards in our nations capital go on to
spring!
Sincerely,
Larry Penner
Great Neck
Via e-mail
Global cooling. -DR
DON’T TRASH REMSENBURG
Dear Dan,
In response to the letter in Feb 12 issue of Dan’s Papers,
from disgruntled trash hating Cowboy returning to
Remsenburg, I would like to say this. There are many citizens living in Remsenburg who regularly pick up garbage
left by others. We do this because we love our hamlet and
want to retain its natural beauty without the distraction of
debris. The Speonk-Remsenburg Civic Association had for
many years volunteered to clean Montauk Highway from
South Country Road on the West End to Mill Road on the
East End. One Saturday of each month citizens came out
to keep our hamlets busiest corridor clean for all. They did
this out of their free time and commitment. One clean up
day, we had a passer by slow down long enough to yell out
her car window telling us to “go clean up South Country
Road.” I responded that, “we were cleaning the highway,
why doesn’t she go clean Main Street?” To which she just
turned her head and kept driving.

e-mail Dan at askdan@danspapers.com

If you are not part of the solution,
you are part of the problem. So to the
disgruntled Cowboy, do your part, and
as for the comment from you Dan,
about there always being trash in
Remsenburg, I did expect better form
from you.
Regards,
Suzanne T. Collins
Past President SRCA
Via e-mail

Patrick’s Day specials and the ARF special in the latest
Shop ‘til You Drop column.
ARF is a great cause and we are so happy to be supporters. We are already getting some coupons back, so
hopefully it is increasing sales/donations for them.
Hope to see you in person soon!
Jason
Hampton Coffee Company
Westhampton Beach & Water Mill
Via e-mail
WOOF and Arf are the best. -DR

So it’s outsiders who strew the
garbage. -DR

YOU BREAK IT…
Dear Dan,
I am the manager of a store in Sag Harbor. I have wonderful customers and enjoy running a store that truly
cares about its customers.
Today I had to deal with the unusual—a problematic
customer. The woman was in my store with her child and
the child broke something while in the store. The mother
refused to pay for the broken item and began to think up
reasons why. She told me she would not pay for the item
because I did not have a sign posted that said, “YOU
BREAK. YOU BUY!” Then she asked me if I saw the girl
break it. To which I replied yes I did see her. Then she said
it was not her fault that my products are not packaged better.
And my personal favorite argument. Could I prove that
the product was not broken in the package before they
came in? Here are my questions for you Dan:
1) Isn’t it implied when you enter a store that you can’t
break things without paying for them? If I do need a sign
stating that then do I also need a sign saying “NO STEALING?”
2) How can I prove in the future that my products are
not broken before customers smash them on the ground?
Sincerely,
“Fuming Manager”
Via e-mail

ENOUGH GARBAGE
Dear Dan,
Speaking of trash, as per your article in the February 12 issue of your
paper, try riding through Noyac onto
Millstone Road and you will see trash
at its best. There are beer bottles,
ripped open plastic trash bags, wrappers of all sorts, coffee containers from
every coffee house out here, Slushie
containers from 7-Eleven, even road kill, you name it, you
will find it. Head toward Brick Kiln, you will also see
almost as much garbage and debris on the roadside. It’s
like an epidemic.
How do we stop this horrific garbage dumping? No one
sees anyone do it, so how can the police give the person a
fine? The planet is stressed to the max with all the wars,
earthquakes, floods, Tsunami, and other “Acts of God.” The
only way to solve this problem is stop, and think before you
throw that gum wrapper, or coffee container out the window of your vehicle. Think how you would feel if someone
walked or drove onto your property and took their weekend garbage and just dumped it?
I think if Southampton Town would put the
“Do Not Litter” signs along the roads, it would remind people that dumping garbage is a no, no…and…speaking of
signs, where are the “Deer Crossing” signs along the same
roads that were promised almost a year ago?
I guess nobody listens any more…
Mary McLaughlin,
Noyac, Sag Harbor
Via e-mail
They’re working on litter crossing signs. -DR
GETTING THE WORD OUT!
Dear Maria,
I just wanted to say thanks for including our St.

Don’t let the lady and the kid into the store. -DR
DISSING THE GEESE
Dear Dan,
In your “SnowBirds” article, March 5, 2010, you made an
error when referring to the geese. They are not CanadiaN
geese, but CANADA GEESE!
Be careful, they may not come back if you continue to
refer to them as Canadian, and not Canada geese!
Kathy Cullen
Via e-mail
Same place. -DR

Police Blotter
Gutter Caper
Police in East Hampton Village have opened an
investigation into the string of gutter thefts that
have taken place in the last two months. They are
following up on leads as to where the gutters would
be sold, who stole the gutters and the home owners
that the gutters were stolen from. Yes, it’s official,
we have officers who have to get their heads in the
gutter.
Shelter Island, I’m Sorry!
Shotguns ready, the Shelter Island Alliance of
Extraordinary Gentlemen left the bar at the
Shelter Island Heights Pharmacy and Soda Shop.
It was agreed, they had had enough of the jokes in
the Dan’s Papers Police Blotter. One by one they
piled into their vehicles; an old Buick, a Ford pickup with a bloodhound in the back, and a VW
Beetle. Communicating by radio, Alliance Captain
Charles McGumblebump passed out photographs
of their target, newspaper editor David Lion
Rattiner, the writer of this very police blotter.

Using an old map and a drawing compass, The
Shelter Island Alliance of Extraordinary
Gentlemen’s chief navigator and very much legal
Latin guy, Chico McRamirez, plotted their course.
They were to venture through the great sea, into
East Hampton and show Rattiner who’s boss. And
so they ventured, and The Shelter Island Alliance
of Extraordinary Gentlemen set fourth. And as The
Shelter Island Alliance of Extraordinary
Gentlemen approached the ferry, Lieutenant
Treasurer Engel McVonslooper had made a grave
and rare miscalculation. The last time the Shelter
Island Alliance of Extraordinary Gentlemen had
left their land, was in 1945 to celebrate the end of
World War II and the ferry fees then were 24 cents
a Jeep, 26 cents for a tank and 27 cents for a fully
loaded personnel carrier. Prices have gone up.
Using great leadership, Shelter Island Alliance of
Extraordinary Gentlemen Captain Charles
McGumblebump called into his radio for mission
abort using the alpha code, “Charlie, Deer, Pickle”
that sent the alert. They turned around and head-

ed home. New mission planning will take place at
their next meeting at the Soda Shop next
Thursday. Please bring $6.50.
Busted
A 20-year-old woman in Southampton was
arrested at 1 in the morning after she was caught
driving erratically. Police found the woman to be
driving while under the influence of marijuana and
found an unlawful amount of marijuana in her car.
$10,000 Worth of Tools
$10,000 worth of tools was stolen from a pick-up
truck in Southampton. Among the tools was a solid
gold hammer.
Stray Dog
A stray dog was reported in East Hampton.
Animal control was sent out to try and find it but
to no avail. If anybody sees Rosie O’Donnell, please
report.
By David Lion Rattiner

DAN'S PAPERS, March 12, 2010 Page 39 www.danshamptons.com

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