Just when I thawght I’d put this whole fackin’The Town in my reahview, comes ‘The Fightah’, stahrin Mahky Mahk and Christian Bale. Wid all the fackin’ Bawston movies comin’ out, it’s almost like da Sawx won anothah series. I gawt fackin’ Bawston movies comin’ out my eahs ovah heah. Mahky Mahk stahs as Mickey Wahd, who was like the fackin’ Wes Welkah of bawxin’. Maybe nawt da best, but good enough to compete wit da dahkies, which is pretty fackin’ good fahr a blue collah hahd on from Soutie. I sweah ta gawd, Mickey Wahd would throw a punch, and it’d be all like POW!, just like that fackin’ Mahky Mahk workout video. True stawry: I once sawr im stawmp some Toony at Gloansy McGloans at the pahty aftah Squeezebawx’s who-ah sistah married Boogah Lips O’Shea. WHAT, YOU DON’T BELIEVE MY FACKIN’ STAWRIES NOW, YOU QUEAH? YOU CALLIN’ FACKIN BOOGAH LIPS A LIAH?!

Anyway, Mickey’s fackin’ knucklehead brothah was his trainah, but he kept gettin’ him inta trouble, so he left fa someone eltse. An’ his brothah was all, “WHAT, AH YOU TOO GOOD FAH YOAH OWN FLESH AN’ FACKIN BLOOD NOW? YOU GREW UP HEAH! YOU KNOW DA RULES!” Then I think the brothah gawt addicted ta crack a somthin’. I don’t remembah what happened aftah that, but dat hawt fiyah crawtch from Chahlie Wilson came out in ‘er brawr an’ panties and punched some othah brawd in the face. That was my favorite paht. Ruined a fresh paiyah a shawts.

Join The Discussion

Mahky Mahk stahs as Mickey Wahd, who was like the fackin’ Wes Welkah of bawxin’.

The only thing I could glean from this simile is that Mark Wahlberg would make an excellent power bottom

10.18.10 at 4:38 pm

bane of trebeks existence

no pale woman, red headed woman can resist an Irishman with more than 3 felonies

10.18.10 at 4:40 pm

Morton Salt

As the only person left on the planet to have not seen The Town, I feel like the whole world has left me in its collective rear-view. Whatever that means.

Anyhow, I have a coupon for $7.50 off a children’s ticket to Megamind so I know what movie I’ll be seeing next. Or at least paying to see while I wait for my son to finish taking a shit in the men’s room. For fuck’s sake I asked you if you had to go before the movie started. Now we won’t know what the fuck is going on with Brad Pitt and Will Ferrell’s characters. They do the voices. OF THE CHARACTERS. Look, we can shatter the illusion of cartoons later but can you please finish? You’re going to be the only 3-year-old to need hemorrhoid surgery. It’s when you sit tooAW HELL JUST HOP DOWN AND WIPE GODDAMMIT!

10.18.10 at 4:40 pm

Crapbasket

Punches hanging meat or GTFO.

10.18.10 at 4:44 pm

Burnsy

I already saw it. He wins the big fight and then Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore rush the ring and make out.

10.18.10 at 4:47 pm

Stinky Peet

Holy shit, anyone else look at the freeze-frame of Bale in the video player and think Steve Dallas?

/ wants a Bloom County movie
// doesn’t want Opus to be 3D animated like a godforsaken chipmunk
/// holy shit I’m old

10.18.10 at 4:47 pm

The Jersey Devil

A “Closest To The Hole” production.

Heh heh, fackin’ queahs.

10.18.10 at 4:51 pm

Taco_Jones

Vince, the accent’s coming along great. Still a few holes, but I loved the addition of “eltse”. That was a work of art.

10.18.10 at 4:53 pm

Ace Rimmer

/ wants a Bloom County movie
// doesn’t want Opus to be 3D animated like a godforsaken chipmunk

Brace yourself for Berkeley: The Breathequel.

10.18.10 at 4:53 pm

bane of trebeks existence

if his fingers are too cold, she is probably gonna piss whiskey

10.18.10 at 4:55 pm

Fek'lhr

inky Pee-Jaden Smith can be Oliver Wendell Jones!

10.18.10 at 4:56 pm

Fek'lhr

Kirsten Dunst can be Bill the Cat!

10.18.10 at 4:56 pm

chazz_goodtimes

Ah you fackin intahnet queeahs sehrious? He’s nawt only the Welkah of bawxing. He’s like the fackin welkah, pedroyah, bryan scalabrine, and some french candadian faggot from owah hawkey team all rolled inta one fackin guy. He litahhlly embodies the bawston spawting spihrit NO ONE DENIES THIS.

10.18.10 at 4:58 pm

Fek'lhr

Rupert Grint can be Lee Iacocca!

10.18.10 at 5:00 pm

Fek'lhr

Get it? Cuz the Harry Potter stars aren’t young any more.

10.18.10 at 5:01 pm

Fek'lhr

And Lee Iacocca gets mentioned a lot in Bloom County.

And he’s old.

10.18.10 at 5:04 pm

The Jersey Devil

I haven’t seen “The Town” yet either, AND I’m a Yankees fan . . . does this mean my Boston privileges have been revoked?

10.18.10 at 5:09 pm

Crapbasket

No seyDe, but the Jankees fandom does make you a fucking douche.

10.18.10 at 5:12 pm

The Jersey Devil

Harsh. Does it help that I actually AM from New Jersey, therefore a legitimate Yankees fan, and not some west coast douchebag who just likes them because they are good or because some rapper wears their hat in their video?

10.18.10 at 5:15 pm

Michelle07

I totally had a crush on Steve Dallas! That last pic killed my Bale Boner though. Kilt it dead.

*trots off to apply mascara to chest hair to achieve optimal fluffiness

10.18.10 at 5:17 pm

Dingus

If Bostonians weren’t so racist, I’d hate them more than New Yorkers.

10.18.10 at 5:19 pm

Crapbasket

Ya that helps, but as a Dodgers fan I still have to insist in your douchiness. It’s a state law.

10.18.10 at 5:20 pm

Larry

“Does it help that I actually AM from New Jersey”

Yeah, no. In no way, shape or form does that help.

10.18.10 at 5:21 pm

Crapbasket

If Hollywodd eer seriously thought about defiling Bloom County or Outland I WILL BURN THAT MOTHERFUCKER TO THE GROUND!!!

10.18.10 at 5:22 pm

Larry

Matt Damon was supposed to be in this instead of Bale. Throw in an Aerosmith song and a couple of creme donuts and we would have achieved the Bahstan fahkin singularity. Tawm Brady is retahded awesome (no queah)!

10.18.10 at 5:26 pm

Larry

When I saw “David O. Russell” and “Fighter” I was hoping he was finally taking a swing at Lily Tomlin.

10.18.10 at 5:26 pm

Dingus

Michael Chiklis stars as Youk or GTFO.

10.18.10 at 5:27 pm

Dingus

@Crappy

You can thank Boston for the McCourts…

10.18.10 at 5:28 pm

CROOOOW!

BASED
ON
A
TRUE
FAWKIN’
STORY

*points at crotch*

10.18.10 at 5:35 pm

Shop 101

Watching Amy Adams devolve into Amy Madigan over the next few years won’t be much fun. I hold O Russell personally responsible.

10.18.10 at 5:46 pm

Larry

Feed me a stray cat.
–skinny Christian Bale

10.18.10 at 5:48 pm

Larry

Mahk: I wanna be a fighta.
Bale: OH GOOD FOR YOUUUUU
Mahk: Will ya be my trainah?
Bale: I LIKE YOU. YOU’RE A NICE GUY. BUT YOU AND ME ARE DONE, PROFESSIONALLY.
Gibson: BLOW ME YA QUEAH
Rodriguez: I FAHKIN LOVE TACOS