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Don’t Kill Your Gear, Torture It

It happens every year and in every sport. Your favorite player leaves and goes to another team and you become extremely upset. Whether he demands a trade, leaves through free agency, or just decides to not to show up anymore; I guarantee you’ve lost your favorite player from your favorite team at some point in your sports fandom. 95% of you act rationally. You probably get upset, talk to your friends about it, maybe punch a pillow or cry or eat a lot cause that’s what you do when someone breaks your heart and losing your favorite player is like a break-up that can only be repaired with time. Then there’s the 5% of you that do stupid things like burn jerseys or shoot jerseys or cut up jerseys or pretty much just destroy the jersey of your favorite player beyond repair.

That’s dumb.

You spent at least $100 on that jersey. Would you burn $100 bill? If you would, you have too much money and you should help a brother out. Don’t destroy the jersey. Not only are you throwing away money on that jersey, you’ll also be throwing away money when you have to buy a new jersey after that player signs a one-day contract to retire with the team that he spent most of his career with.

Don’t kill your gear, torture it.

We’ve all seen at least one James Bond or Jason Bourne or Jason Statham movie. If you haven’t, let me know so I can not be friends with you. In all those movies, there’s at least one torture scene where the hero has been captured and the villain is doing some eloborate torture that usually involves water or jumper cables or nut hitting. Throughout this scene, the villain is either asking for answers or explaining his scheme to take over the world or destroy a city or make cats and dogs love each or whatever. The hero never gives an answer and doesn’t really pay attention to the scheme because it’s tough to care about the rest of the world when you’re trying to breath underwater (or so I’d imagine). Eventually the torture stops, the hero escapes, and the villain is thwarted. If the villain had just shot the hero in the head, he would’ve destroyed the world. But he didn’t. He preserved the hero by torturing him.

And that’s why you should preserve your gear by torturing it instead of killing it. Who knows, it might help you save the world one day.