I Am Depressed

I know I am depressed, it has taken me over a year to get medication for it. The constant low moods and then getting really angry. It kills me. Although not suicidal yet i feel the brief feelings coming on. I can't physically move from bed in the morning, i don't want to go out, i've lost my appetite and the sleepless nights are horrible. I feel there is no getting past it. I have been through so much that one story on this wouldn't be a long enough page. Basically my father is a nasty man who continuously spends my inheritance money as well as my sister's to pay off his debt. He blames me for everything and has criticised my independence of moving away from home to live with friends and try my best at university. He has belittled me and manipulated me to the point where i want to disown him but feel i cant purely because he is my father. He's lied to me in the worst way possible, the closest person to me, my gran passed away last year (his mum) and he didn't tell me she was dying. I found out two weeks before and have dealt with it really badly. She left me inheritance money and i believed spending it made me happy, so i spent all of it and have nothing to show and am now in debt.I thought it would replace her in some way but it didn't. She was my rock and my best friend. I have lost so many people as well as my gran including my brother who was killed in a car accident last year, my grandfather who I was really close to, my ex boyfriend, my auntie and my uncle. I have lost so many people for so many different reasons. I don't know how to handle it. I feel like I am walking about with a dark cloud hanging over my head that wont go away. I'm scared that I'm going to push everyone away because of it and I'm terrified that it will get too much for my fiancee and he'll leave me. I really don't know what to do or how to handle it. I feel like I'm surrrounded by so many people yet I still feel so alone. I need help.

For different reasons I too fall in and out of depression from time to time. Talking to people has helped me only when I am talking to a good listener.... but those are very hard to find. What's helped me every time without fail is reading the bible and talking to God.

There are many people who will have a religeous view on depression. However, there comes a time that we all allow these feelings to take over. You have a massive network of support here. I'll add you to my circle as my friends on here really have been great.

there is hopethe hope is herethe here is nowand you have to believethe belief is in youu know the truthu live it each dayeach minute u know u are rightthe challenge is that u know u understand where others eyes are shutwhy do they do this or thatwhy do they not see the pain why why whythe answer not simplethe answer not the solutionthe solution is in u u r the solutionbecause u can see, feel, sense what is so foreign to mostthis your gift fro9m Godso go forthbe uI am with u as you are with otherswe share the compassion for the otherswe live the pain others shed withh easewhybecause this is what makes us different - and so apecialso u carry on being just thatI am that and u are that and that is that and that is all that matters.trust u as no one can tell u anything else that mattersnever never never be or want to be or think it matters to be anything pother then ugod, or whatever u want to call this or that - it does not matterwhat mattes is that u love uthat u be uthat u do not want to be otherwisethat u do not be otherwisebe u strongbe u weakbe u smartbe u challengedbe u whatever - u r aliveu are wonderfulu are special to all past present and futureu matterso forget about be other the just uGod loves u unconditionallyso do II am That

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26-300
Oct 16, 2015

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