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Employment

This guy's got the upper hand. Gotta get me a sandwichboard.

I applied for a job today. No. I won’t fucking tell you what it was for. I don’t need the competition. It’s sort of in customer service. It’s sort of not. It’s complicated. But, hopefully, I get this job and move on from one job that I absolutely abhor and another that I love, but doesn’t pay enough to support my cheeseburger/crack problem.

I’ve heard people say that interviewing for a job is like going on a first/blind date, and you’re blindly swatting to latch onto something that you can connect on. You are trying to create that magic moment that seals the deal. If you get it right, you might be fucking in the parking lot/enjoying your new office on the fourth floor.

I don’t agree with this idea. I really do hate talking “about myself”. You might not believe that since I write in this self-gratifying blog, but I honestly don’t. I’m a much better listener. Talking about myself is torture. Personally, I feel that interviews, even the application process, is like a confessional…

– Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.

– What is troubling you, my son?

-I have… a degree in History, father. Oh, God! Why?! AND AND AND! I work at a coffeeshop! and a bookstore!!! AHHHH~~!@$~ And I really want this job! BUT BUT BUT I know I’m capable of it! I just just just can’t prove it to you unless you cut me a break!!! wahhhh! [sob] [exit]

and so on…

Maybe that’s what my cover letter sounds like?

I know that I could do whatever job is put in front of me, outside of highly technical professions, but I feel like somehow my education and employment history make me look like a failure. I’m in graduate school now, and I shouldn’t feel like a failure. I should be proud that I have done more than anyone else in my family has done since we moved to this country.

I set myself up, though. I always expect myself to shit out excellence, but when it doesn’t happen, I shouldn’t be so surprised. You have to really work at something for it to count/make you happy.

Disappointments occur within ourselves, our circles and our careers more frequently than we would like, or even admit. All you can do is fight on and work through them. I don’t aim to not disappoint others. I aim not to disappoint myself.