Accepting A Compliment

Daniel Ernst - Fotolia

Daniel Ernst - Fotolia

Anita Ballard-Jones

Many of us find it difficult to accept compliments; we freeze up and feel very uncomfortable. Although we want to hear the praise, admiration and appreciation it’s difficult to embrace no matter how much we desire or seek it. It’s even easier to accept a gift with gratitude and believe the slightest criticism before fully embracing a genuine compliment. So why can’t we just accept a kind word if we can feel the power behind the compliment and the projected warmth and appreciation in someone’s eyes? There could be many reasons for this like the compliment just doesn’t correspond with how we feel about ourselves; low self-esteem, self-worth, self-image or it simply doesn’t fall within the realm of your family and cultural values. For example, modesty may be a virtue or mandate. In order to regulate your self-esteem, you may depend on external sources, such as gaining acceptance from those you love by seeking affirming remarks from them. However, an extreme reliance on external sources to make you feel good about yourself puts you in a very vulnerable position.

WHAT IS A COMPLIMENT?

Compliments are one of the most extraordinary components of social life. It can come in many forms: as a usage of praise, for making a wise choice in your life or recognition for being brave for standing up for what you believe in. It can also come as a sincere compliment to tell you how much someone likes your new haircut or admiration for a piece of clothing or jewelry you’re wearing. If given right, it creates so much positive energy almost instantly as if it were magic. It’s two-fold; giving a compliment by focusing on good qualities in the world around us gives our mood a positive boost all by itself. It allows you to feel fuzzy, glowing energy completing an even circuit of good feelings. Receiving a compliment has the ability to lift our spirits, build our confidence level and turn a bad day into a spectacular one. If we visualize the energy of a compliment, we would see beautiful, shining positive energy being sent from the giver, that energy, if accepted graciously, would brighten our personal energy field.

A compliment given in the professional world builds goodwill, appreciation, and a willingness to go the extra mile. Managers build loyalty when they celebrate their employee’s successes with compliments. Especially if you are in senior management and you give someone a compliment. It encourages them because it makes them feel like they are worthy. While most companies offer monetary rewards, don’t underestimate the power of a compliment, says Ken Moore, president of Ballston Sap, N.

RESISTING A COMPLIMENT

Resisting a compliment or accepting praise from others when we feel negatively about ourselves elicits discomfort because it conflicts with our existing belief system. More often than not, how receptive we are to compliments is a direct reflection of our self-esteem and deep feelings of self-worth. If we have embedded in our mind that we are truly undesirable, hearing a compliment about how beautiful we are will feel jarring and inauthentic. If we are convinced we are incapable of success or believe we’re unintelligent, someone lavishing us with praise about how successful or smart we are can feel like a set-up for future disappointment.

Don’t get comfortable blocking a positive gift. This gift can go a long way in ensuring and confirming what you already know deep inside. It just brings it to the forefront and has a strong ability to brighten your day.

HOW TO ACCEPT A SIMPLE COMPLIMENT

Sociolinguists have categorized three responses to a compliment: acceptance, deflection or rejection. Rather than humbly accept or outright reject the kind words, individuals often choose to deflect or dilute the compliment. You may be tempted to respond with denial or self-insult. It’s easy to say something like, “Thank you, but I really wasn’t that helpful,” or “Thanks, but I’ve had this outfit for 10 years; it’s practically falling apart!” Others ask for additional reassurance: “Really? I felt like I completely botched the speech.”

Though you may feel as if you’re responding appropriately, it only undermines the compliment or insults the giver. When you devalue a compliment, you can send the message that you have low self-esteem, aren’t confident in your work or don’t respect the opinion of the person who gave you the praise.

If you frequently respond negatively to a compliment, retrain yourself to show gratitude, by using phrases like:

“Thank you.”

“That was nice of you.”

“ I appreciate that.”

“Thank you, I really worked hard on that.”

“Thank you, my team and I appreciate that compliment.”

To ensure we are fully accepting a compliment from head to toe, we must show it in our body language. It could speak a thousand words. Make sure you continue eye contact, lean in with a welcoming smile or a pat on the arm to show appreciation.

We are our harshest critics. When we accept compliments, we are reminded that others see us through different eyes. All living beings crave positive attention, and we all deserve to have positive energy shared with us. Perhaps if we happily and gratefully accept compliments, we will give others permission to do so as well.

Start believing good things about yourself and notice the beauty in you by giving yourself compliments in the mirror. I know this sounds silly but you will notice how good it feels and witness yourself standing up straight with a smile on your face. The next step would be to see how it feels to give compliments to others. It’s a great feeling when you witness another person’s face brighten from a compliment you’ve given. Also, take note how differently you feel when the gift you’ve offered is rejected. Having experienced all sides, you will be ready to play along fully, willingly, and often.