So much of why my sites focus on the give and take, the playfulness and the joy of mutual pleasure from giving/receiving pleasure and on being neutral as opposed to having either of us always in control… I don’t like the idea that men are always in charge, or that a woman in charge is always a kinky thing. Humans are so much more complex than that, and it leads to bad things when men have all the responsibility, and certainly when women are intimidated by men sexually because of it.

I think that so many of the people here in this community are gentle men, or at least men who are capable of being gentle. There are so many parts of our society who default to thinking men are always brutish, especially in sex. This collective alone shows that this is not the only case. But how do we spread that to everyone else? Well, this article has 5 really great steps to do exactly that. They want men to be allies to women in their struggles, they want men to communicate actively and listen, to be open instead of always trying to play games or seduce us by the book, to be reasonable and understanding when rejection happens and to find ways to feel beautiful in a world that doesn’t hold male beauty in high regard.

A lot of these things have been touched on here, and I think that’s wonderful. I’m wondering, how many of you feel impacted by this notion of male sexuality as demonized? How has this experience impacted the way you have sex, the way you see yourself as sexual and the way you interact with people in other ways?

Today I was very much reminded that one of the things I want to do with this blog is to normalize a whole bunch of different aspects of male sexuality and show people that there are valuable reasons to be just as sensitive to its issues as we try to be with women’s sexuality. Rye of Uncommon Appetites took to their blog to explain a phenomenon that had been happening to him lately… He’s been experiencing ejaculation sooner than he would like.

Essentially, his masturbatory habits have become less frequent over time for a variety of reasons and he’s left with a lot more pent-up sexual energy. He loves pleasing his lovely partner Violet with his hands/mouth/toys, but she also loves it when they have penetrative sex, so they eventually get to a place where the penetrative sex just doesn’t last as long as they want.

This is where things get especially amazing… They spoke about it together and came up with a solution that totally worked for both of them. Instead of retreating out of shame or confusion or continuing on, just thinking that something might one day change, they took action. What did they figure out? He just needed to come once and get it out of the way and then he’d have a much easier time afterwards.

So, they went right to penetrative sex, they had a bit of fun and he ejaculated, then they kissed and played around until he was ready for round two, which was exactly what they needed. Perfect, right?

On top of making very sexy videos and sharing lovely glimpses into their lives, Violet+Rye are also real examples of making sex work. We all go through peaks and valleys, we all have things that sometimes interfere with the natural progression we’d like, but there are ways to communicate, explore, try things and work out a solution.

If you’re having any issues with any degree of premature ejaculation, this is a really great strategy to try. Who knows? It might work for you!

Have you ever had a little hurdle to get over, sexually speaking? What did you do and what did you try?

I think this is really fascinating video that I found through the Good Men Project, especially for the first question she asked because I don’t believe I’ve asked it directly here before, which I’ll get to later… Author Elana Millman took to the streets of Canada, it seems, because of the snow and some fairly Eastern Canadian-sounding accents… So I guess we’re getting an in depth look at what (probably) Canadian men think about their sexuality!

The big thing I took away from this video is that, despite the diversity of the way men approach sex and their own sexuality, they all have the same general desired outcome. This is really helpful information for someone like me who is trying to make something which is of course authentic to myself and my relationship, but also accessible to the people watching it. This isn’t to say that we know any more about women’s sexuality than we do men’s , but it’s good to know where they stand!

When talking about porn, they pointed to the ideas of “obliterated intimacy” or becoming completely desensitized to sexuality because of it. Of course, the undercurrent is that they were mostly talking about typical mainstream porn, but I can definitely see what they were getting at. There are some definite assumptions about sex, emotion and women… I’m not sure that women use porn for different reasons all the time, but that there actually might be more similarities than they think.

But then on the other hand, even though they see the capacity for problems, porn is still something they use to set the mood. So, it’s clear that it serves a purpose, but they just wish they had more options away from typical degradation, especially when it comes to spicing things up with a woman. Sounds like a job for beautiful porn!

Many of them are champions of honest, direct communication. It’s really heartening to see that a random cross-section of men would be able to identify how important that is for themselves and for their partners.

They did a brief segment about talking to friends about sex, which is something we’ve spoken about here before. They didn’t specifically mention talking to female friends, though, which was the really interesting trend that emerged here.

So, I wanted to ask one thing to close, which is actually the opening question of the video: how did you first learn about your sexuality, and do you think it has framed the way you approach relationships, porn and sex in general?

To be clear, this isn’t a bar where you can actually masturbate, but Japan has opened up a bar devoted to supporting and discussing female masturbation. It’s called Love Joule and it looks like they have some premium sex toys along with a selection of premium liquors. Sounds good to me!

What they want is to stimulate (ahem!) conversation about pleasure. The place is a safe space to gossip with your friends over a couple of drinks. Men can come if accompanied by a female partner, but it’s definitely designed as a spot where the focus is on female sexuality, which I assume includes not creeping on women who are trying to enjoy themselves.

I think having a place like this in Montreal would be amazing. I think we should have more places where women feel comfortable discussing their sexuality, but I think it’d be great to have a place like that for guys too. Fleshlights and Tenga Eggs everywhere, really good lubes, prostate toys as far as the eye can see. Maybe we’d finally be able to get past machismo and onto a more holistic view of male sexuality too. Oh, and ideally eventually a place where everyone can just get together and celebrate pleasure while respecting each other too…

Would you go to a place like this? Do you think something like this would fly outside of Japan?

I’m always trying to evolve and change with what I do here on the blog and, frankly, just what I do with life. With the launch of my new advice column with Fleshbot, I got started thinking about doing something similar but different to share specifically right here. Instead of being directed by the questions submitted, I want to be able to address special topics that interest me. Of course, it’s good to have a focus with these things, so I decided to specifically look at issues of male sexuality by ways of the penis. And I do know my way around a penis. 😉

The topics will vary from advice on giving pleasure, advice on getting pleasure, building self-confidence, exploring sexuality, health and well-being… Anything that fascinates me about the penis and everything that goes along with it. I think that sometimes we forget that male sexuality is so much more multi-faceted than what we see in porn and that men are just as susceptible as women to being lead to believe certain things about their bodies. There is lots of great and empowering work done to deal with women’s sexuality and that is wonderful, but I obviously wanted to focus on men because, well, that’s my area of expertise.

While I’m not taking formal questions, I’m happy to take suggestions for topics and I’ll see if they pique my interest enough to be put into a feature. It’ll run on Sundays, so it’ll give you something to enjoy and ponder for the week. I hope it’ll add a new dimension to everything I do by trying to understand men and their bodies and sexuality myself and, in the process, hopefully helping anyone with a penis or anyone who enjoys them. Because of the nature of my sites and experience, it’ll focus primarily on men who enjoy women and women who enjoy men, but who knows? Maybe I’ll be inspired to do a spin-off some day.

So, are you excited about this concept? And what are some things you might like to read about with regards to the mighty penis? 😉