People Think I’m Mean Like My Friend

NOT ME ASKS,

I’m tired of people thinking I’m mean like my friend K. She is my best friend and I love her. The problem is K acts like a bitch. Like she’s mean to people. Not to me, but pretty much to everyone else. People are not her thing. Everyone thinks because I hang out with her I’m like that. I feel like I’m always defending her. Telling everyone if you really knew her, she’s cool. I’ve asked her to chill, but she won’t. I’m so not like that and I don’t want other people thinking I am. She thinks it’s funny, but I don’t. What do I do?

Not Me

Hey Not Me,

Not fair! People shouldn’t judge you on your friend K’s behavior. You’re not her! You have your own identity.

You also don’t need to defend her. She has her own identity, too. K decides how she treats people. You may want people to see her differently, but that’s not up to you.

You cannot change other people’s behavior. All you can change how it affects you.

When they assume you are mean

Brush it off! Let it go! Move on!

Truth is, they’re also being mean by judging you unfairly. So don’t let it get to you. YOU know that you are a nice person. If they can’t see that then that’s on them. Try finding people to hang out with that see you for you.

When K acts mean

Brush it off! Let it go! Move on!

In that moment, asking her to chill gives her fuel to keep going. No one wants to be told what to do, especially in front of other people. Plus, you can’t control how she acts.

Instead, try having an easy relaxed convo with her when the two of you are just hanging out. Let her know how you feel. Tell her that you support her as a friend, but you don’t support her actions towards other people.

It’s possible that she feels nervous or insecure around people. Acting mean could be her way of coping. Encourage her to talk about why she’s mean.

Ultimately, she will do what feels right to her. You don’t have to agree with everything she does just because you are friends. Don’t worry about changing her or other’s opinions of you. Just be yourself!

hope, pickles, and lots of love,
gabriella & veronicaThe Hope Girls

What about you?

Do you and your best friend have a big difference? Let us know about it in the comments!