Saturday, September 02, 2006

Defending Flatland

The US Army today announced that they have discovered yet another way to declare the worth of the human lives they send off as cannon fodder -- taking a page from flim studio marketers, it's FLAT DADDY!

I'm not sure who thought of this idea, but, wow.

This choice bit of journalism is especially compelling:

‘‘Any time I get invited somewhere, I take it with me,’’ she said. And the gynecologist? ‘‘He just thought it was really neat,’’ she said.

I'm imagining the dialogue:Sweet War Wife: Aw, well, yeah, we miss daddy, but we take flat daddy with us everywhere!Smarmy Reporter: Oh? . . . (insert lecherous pause here) . . . even to the. . . GYNOCOLOGIST??Sweet War Wife: (without missing a beat) He just thought it was really neat!Smarmy Reporter: (Sketching his version of the scene in his reporter's notebook) That's SO NICE! So. . . does Flat Daddy. . . vibrate?Sweet War Wife: What?Smarmy Reporter: Nevermind.

The thing is, from there, the article takes an even more sinister turn:

Despite his anger at his father, Kevin was able to relate to the life-sized likeness, Sherri Fish said. ‘‘He’d sit at the end of his bed and tell him what went on at school that day,’’ she said.

Even after Richard Fish returned home last October, Kevin continued talking to Flat Daddy while his father was at work, she said.

Later, when the dog was found vivisected in the woods, Kevin insisted he had nothing to do with it. "It was Flat Daddy! I begged him not to do it, but he said it had to be done!"