Monday, November 30, 2009

I've often said that I'm addicted to busy-ness. I had a lightbulb moment yesterday. I definitely am addicted to being busy, but many times, I'm simply busy treading water. Very busy keeping my head above water, but no forward motion whatsoever.

So, in the next few weeks, I'll be working on moving forward. I'll be prioritizing, and charting my path. One of my favorite songs by a band called Floater, has the following lyrics:

And what will they say when you're gone?That you conquered?That you burned like a rocket from the womb to the world...and you ran with the colors and your flags unfurled...and you ignited everything like a gasoline rain?

The song is called Endless I, and I encourage you to find it and listen to it. Beautiful stuff. But, as part of my lightbulb moment, that verse played in my head. I've always identified as an author, but I've not been working towards that.

So this coming year, I will be re-prioritizing and refocusing. The book will be in the forefront of my mind, as will my dreams of being a travel photographer.

Busy is good. Treading water is exhausting. If you are not moving forward, take a moment to breathe and rest, then get moving forward...

Saturday, November 28, 2009

I dreamed last night about all the things I need to get done for the craft show. It's still a long list, but they are little things. So I'll list them out and start checking them off. Today I'm ordering the last of my photos. The 5X7's to mat, I'm having them printed locally. I am nervous about this show. My first show as a photographer. And my first show in the Portland area. I hope that it's the first of many.

I will be starting a newsletter up soon, and will have a signup at the show, amongst other places. It seems that so many of my actions these days are propelling me forward. My mindset is one that each action not only is for the moment I'm executing it, but also laying the groundwork for the future. In work, my personal life, and my photography business.

I need that. I need plans, and I need to be actively working towards moving forward. Without that plan, that movement, I lose will. Good thing I know that!

Thursday, November 26, 2009

So... I had totally planned a cop out post on here, using my photos and Dad's photos, to show some things I'm grateful for. But blogger had other plans. No cop outs for me today, no photos will upload.

I don't plan my blog posts ahead of time. I meditate, I sit, and I type. Today, I woke up in a bad mood. It's one of those days where I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it seems so far away. However, in the grand scheme of things, it's right around the corner.

I am grateful for my relationship with my dad, more than anything else. I am grateful for friends and family, I am grateful for a job, a roof over my head, a reliable vehicle to drive. I am thankful for my cameras and the love for photography that Dad and I share.

I am grateful for the special people in my life who get me through the daily grind. You know who you are.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I am finding more and more, that I have to be my own anchor. Yes, there are supports around me, but if I have self doubt, I will crumble regardless of who else is holding me up. I am also discovering that the more sure I am of my path, the more headstrong certain people in my life are about throwing obstacles in my way.

In The Artist's Way, the author, Julia Cameron, refers to these people as crazy-makers. And I'm finding that the stronger I become, the stronger they try to be. No problem. I am ready.

We are embarking on Thanksgiving... and for the first year of my life, I'm not having a Thanksgiving meal. I'm doing nothing really to mark the day. Partially because I'm wiping the slate clean to start new traditions next year, but more because it is always a LOT of hard work. When I was a child, I helped the women prepare the meal. I helped them put food away, and clean up. Hours and hours of prep. Less than an hour of everyone eating. Then more hours of cleaning. I'm sure the men were thankful. But I was not.

I also don't really understand ONE day to be thankful. I'm thankful almost every day. I have MUCH to be thankful for, and I can see it all clearly. So, that being said, Happy Thanksgiving from me. I am thankful for each and every one of you who reads my blog... who comments, who touches my life in some way.

I will be blogging through the week, on my usual schedule. Dad... take it easy tomorrow... don't overdo!

If any of you are confronting crazy-makers, do you have any fool-proof tactics that work for you?

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

I took this photo last weekend at a local farm. Luscher Farms is an amazing farm in my area that is also a CSA... CSA is Community Supported Agriculture. You can buy "shares", plus sign up for a few work shifts, and each time they harvest, you come pick up your part of it. It's an amazing concept, and one that I think helps to tie a community together.

I've been thinking alot about farming this morning. I think just about every aspect of it applies to life. You plant what you'd like to sow. You fertilize and water, you weed out the bad, and you harvest the wonderful, amazing gifts.

Same with relationships. Same with children. Same with artistic endeavors, work, and goals. Nothing amazing to harvest? Think back to what you planted. Didn't plant? Nothing to harvest. Didn't fertilize or water? Nothing again. Forgot to weed? Guess what choked out your crop.

Unfortunately, I haven't literally planted any crops to harvest since I was a child, perhaps I will have a window or balcony garden next year. But I'm fully realizing how all the steps apply to life. It all ties in to being mindful. Mindful of the results and reasoning for each and every step.

I've been planting seeds towards a goal for quite awhile. My "crop" (as it were), started growing last week. And the work doesn't stop there...

Monday, November 23, 2009

It's Monday again. And I am tired. But luckily, it will be a short work week, and I can sleep in for several days! I went to a friend's house last night and took lots of farm photos. I also had a good time visiting and getting out of my house.

This week, I will be making more progress towards the craft show, placing my final photo order. I made all of my greeting card sets for it on Saturday, and I'll be handing out fliers from now til the day of the show!

I have done some more thinking about my true north... talked a bit with Dad about it. Oh, Dad went home from the hospital on Saturday! He will be on some strong antibiotics for a couple more weeks, but he sounded great. Anyway, Dad was very encouraging when I told him what I'm being led to do. Now... to move forward with that.

The Thanksgiving break will be about relaxing and working towards goals. No traditional meal for me, no traditional cleanup either. Just working towards stuff I want to do. I am very thankful for that!

Friday, November 20, 2009

I have a friend who is going through a very tough time, in so many areas of his life. He's been leaning on me for a bit of support. It's a new thing with him... but then, he wasn't having tough times before. I am listening, and talking with him... offering whatever advice I may have, and I am not owning his issues! I have not taken any of it on. THAT also is a first! I have always gotten bogged down by the pains in other's lives. I've owned their problems, causing me great stress, and often physical issues.

I have experienced so many turning points in my life recently. Not getting sucked into family drama, not owning friends' pain, moving forward with my life both physically and emotionally. Life is amazing.

I feel closer than I have ever been before on realizing my True North. I am almost there... I can see it. And soon, I will be sharing all that glorious-ness with you!

By the way... we have about 35 shopping days til Christmas! And only a week until Thanksgiving. I have much to be thankful for! Please share with me some things you are thankful for on your journey...

Thursday, November 19, 2009

I took this photo in Utah with my dad. He is doing much better, but will most likely remain in the hospital for several more days.

Life seems to be calming down emotionally for me. I seem to have had a lot of drama to deal with recently, and it's all washing away, like at the beach when the tide starts going out. I'm thankful for the reprieve! The break means I will have more energy to focus on the craft show, and my etsy shop!

I used to be one of those crazy makers... someone who would create drama if there was none. I fed off of it, and spun it around like a whirlwind to suck everyone in. Now, I have no idea how I had any energy whatsoever for such things. Though, my theory is we have X amount of energy, and we spend it where we may. I'd rather now spend my allotment at seeking happiness and creating.

When I feel personal peace, I feel led to share it with others. I'm getting closer to my true calling... sometimes so close that I can taste it. When I get there, I will let you know.

How do you spend your energy? Have you discovered what it is you want to be when you grow up?

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

These are just a few of Dad's photos that I have stored. He loves sunrises and sunsets. He is in the hospital again, I've been very worried about him and am not sleeping well. So instead of my words today, you get these beautiful images. Enjoy seeing the world through my Father's eyes.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

This is a photo of my prayer flags hanging on my porch. They are one of the first things to go up each time I move.

Yesterday, an amazing thing happened in my life. There was drama (not that unusual, really), and someone who I love very much lashed out at me and called me some names. I have not been the target of an attack like this for a very long time. My initial reaction was tears, and anger. But I was at work, so no tears.

Then, a calmness washed over me and I knew there would be no retalliation, no talk with this person about it. I knew what this person said was out of being hurt, and upset. It had nothing to do with me, I was just a convenient target.

This calmness was new to me. Like I said, something like this had not happened for a very long time, and an old, emotional me would have milked this for all it was worth. I would have attacked back, and I would have gone for blood. Things would have been blown way out of proportion. And everything would have gotten quite ugly.

I am no longer that person. I don't go for blood. I issue bandaids when I can, or look away from a tantrum to not fuel the fire.

There was, however, one sliver of what this person said that got under my skin. It festered and pained me like a sliver. I could feel it, and I needed to deal with it. I talked with my best friend online, and she helped me extract it. It no longer pains me and I see it for what it is.

Words can hurt... 2 things I learned yesterday: you don't have to let them hurt you, and you don't have to participate in the games people play.

Monday, November 16, 2009

I made a lot of progress towards being ready for the craft show this weekend. I ordered most of the packaging needed, I edited more photos, started a list of photos and sizes to have printed out, and I even found time to work on some custom ordered journals and take some new photos.

I am at my best when I am busy. Idle time does not suit me well at all. I told someone the other day that I'm addicted to busy-ness. It's true. Sometimes though, I wish I knew how to just chill, and not worry about the next task that needs to be accomplished.

However, for the next couple of weeks, this busy-ness will serve me well. If any of you are in the Portland area, please contact me and I will send you an evite to the craft show.

I am moving forward in many areas of my life. And I have noticed in the past couple of days that I'm totally unwilling to keep the status quo on things that don't make sense. If something is wrong with a scenario, I'm changing it! If I've been going along with stuff just to appease someone, well, no more! I'm going to be true to myself, and I refuse to play the games any more.

I have spent a lifetime trying not to rock the boat. And now, I realize... sometimes you just have to be true to yourself. I talk all the time on here about being true to yourself. It's time I paid attention to that. It is, after all, what I fully believe in. It is time that I honored my *self*. In the recent path, I had not done so because I thought I'd hurt others around me. And it's not that I now want to hurt them. I need to be true to me, and I've finally realized that others around me can handle it.

Sometimes life, and relationships, are a struggle. Be true to you and the path meant for you will be clear... sometimes you just have to be able to see it.

Friday, November 13, 2009

I am so thankful that the weekend is almost here. I am committed this weekend to take some photos on Sunday. Saturday will be a busy family day, but that does include a road trip, so possibly some photos there as well. I am getting to the point where I want to photo everything... if it were up to me, an hour long road trip would be extended to an entire day just to stop and grab photos along the way.

I'll also be ordering all my supplies for the craft show this weekend. Making my list and checking it twice. And making sure my inventory is ready. I have a lot to focus on. And goals are one of the things in life that keeps me sane.

Without goals I wander aimlessly. I plummet into darkness. Truthfully, I very easily slide down into depression if I don't keep myself busy and focused. Luckily for me, this I know about myself and can keep it at bay.

My hope for all of you... all of my friends and family is that you know what to do to keep yourself raised up above that. The holidays are upon us soon. It's very common for depression to surface... and with the economy (I will be re-posting my blog about the economy soon), you absolutely must do all you can to hold your head above water. If you need some support, reach out. Talk with your friends, your family, even a professional. You are in control. Don't let it control you.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Life is really good these days. I feel like so much is falling into place. Not haphazardly, but after a whole lot of working towards it. It is an awesome feeling when hard work is rewarded. And I feel that it's so important to be thankful when that does happen.

I have an extensive support network. Many don't even realize they are in that web that helps me through. But many do. Family, close friends. They lean on me and I lean on them... together, we are a strong pillar emerging in the world. I am so thankful for each and every one of them.

Their strength adds to my own, and I'm able to be supportive of more people as a result. It's a constantly turning wheel.

I witnessed a friend's art evolving yesterday and saw her sense of self absolutely soar. That is amazing! A couple of days ago, that same friend felt me reach out to her when I needed to be reassured about my decision to do a craft show. She helped me brain storm all the things I'd need to do to prepare and soothed my soul.

My pledge today is that I will not only continue to raise up those around me, but I will also continue to lean on my network for support.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

I took this photo from the car window. I was experimenting, and having fun. I love how it turned out. I call it "Watching Life Pass By".

Today, my goal is to relax a bit... and watch life. I need to breathe. I've calmed down about the craft show, though I'm still making mental notes. I'm not so freaked out now. I will just focus on making steps forward, no matter how small.

Do you ever sit on a bench and watch people? I like to imagine where they are rushing off to, I create amazing, elaborate stories in my head about their lives, their hopes, their desires. I believe there's a certain amount of empathy that comes with this ability. My stories explain WHY they have that stain on their blouse, or why they put on a bit too much perfume today. The stories explain it away... You should try it. Seriously. It's fun.

Try to do something today that takes you *out* of the hustle and bustle of life. People watch. Meditate. Soak in a bubble bath. Create a world aside from the one out there... and make it your own.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

As a general rule, there are two speeds in my life... crawling along and fasten your seatbelts! I'm embarking on one of those crazy times when I need to be buckled in. Today I'm signing up for a craft show Dec. 4th and 5th. It's local, it's with some good friends. And so far, I'll be the only photographer there.

I am thrilled beyond words... and majorly overwhelmed. But I know me. Today I will start making lists of all the preparations that need to be done, and I will start doing them. I started researching packaging yeserday, and have some sources bookmarked to order from. I also received some metallic prints in the mail that I will sell in the show.

That in itself was a funny bit of synchronicity. I never order prints until they are ordered. Then (depending on specifics of the order) I order them locally and mail them, or have them shipped directly from my lab. But the other day, I ordered 11 8X10 prints, to see how they look. 5 regular, 6 metallic. So I feel like I am a little ahead of the game.

More research today. And if you have any suggestions for items I need to have there, please do mention it! Or... for photos I must include...

Pay attention... listen to the signs of the universe. When you are ready, it will start throwing stuff your way.

Monday, November 9, 2009

I think when you are present in your life, there are times where it's like being yanked around by a great dane. Times when you are being pulled so strongly in a direction that you have absolutely no choice but to follow.

I had a weekend like that... a weekend of being shown where it is I'm supposed to be going. What it is I'm supposed to be working towards. Like most things in life, it's not instant. But I have a definite direction.

I know people who will never listen to the clues. They will never allow the right direction to be shown to them. And they will always be searching blindly. I'm sure that was me for a number of years.

But no more. I am on this path... I am working towards the end goal. I wish the same for you... if you don't know where it is you are headed, start listening. It will be shown to you, I promise.

Friday, November 6, 2009

The magic I spoke of earlier in the week has returned. Today is a beautiful day, and the weekend looming before me looks wonderful. Like I said before, I love fall. I love naked trees. I love leaf covered streets and paths. I love wearing my crochet/knitted hats. I love layering. :-)

And I love trying to capture the magic with my camera. Not sure if the weekend will allow time for that, but I certainly am going to try.

The other day, I came across the following quote.

"Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace, and power in it." -- Goethe

It was a great reminder to me... like I had said about a week ago, about showing up at the page. In the name of being pointed in the right direction, I keep happening across these signs. And that is a very good thing. I need all the reminders that I can get.

I hope that you all have a wonderful weekend. And if you need that reminder, write it out on a post it. Put it on your mirror or in your car... perhaps on your computer monitor. Enjoy!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

I am having a very hard time getting motivated this morning. Just as I typed that I realized I had forgotten my coffee this morning. Now, with my coffee in hand, I hope to find my motivation.

I had a wonderful talk with my dad yesterday. He sounded absolutely great. I was telling him some exciting news and he was fully rejoicing with me. He so gets me, and that makes me so happy.

I have a busy weekend planned, and got an email about an upcoming craft show in the area... the lady found me on etsy :-). My initial reaction was "noooo.... not enough time". But... I will email her back, asking for more information. After all, I do have over 50 journals made, and I'd like to move them from my shop... new directions coming soon with that. The craft show is about an hour away, but I will weigh all the pros and cons throughout the day to decide.

In so many ways, business-wise, I feel as though I've arrived. I have found my photographic voice. I am following my heart. Life is pretty amazing.

The deep contemplation that's been within me for days is continuing today. I'm getting there... slowly. For a person with 0 patience, this is going well.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

I love the colors of fall. Spring is an amazing time of rebirth, but in the fall, that's when the behind the scenes magic happens... that's when the groundwork is done for the coming season. Seeds drop to the ground, waiting... leaves fall to protect and fertilize. It's all absolute magic.

I have some magic of my own going on in my life right now. I'm not going to tell exactly what it is because I'm so afraid to jinx it. But something amazing is happening. Yep, right along with all the unsettled-ness in my world. And the struggles I've been going through... right in the middle of that, a glimmer of magic.

Life's pretty amazing. Just when you think you are going down in the water for the last time, a small flotation device floats by. You're still in the water. You still have to figure out how the hell to deal with the predicament you are in. But now you have hope. So that's where I am. Still floating around. But still in the same water. I'm taking lots of extra meditation time lately. And I'm so thankful for my morning pages I'm doing as part of The Artist's Way.

If you're in the water... look around... there might be something coming to provide you with a little magic...

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. About priorities, about life in general. I wish it were, but my thinking's not done. It's a time of unrest for me, and of being mentally/emotionally unsettled. Answers are being fed to me slowly as I meditate, and as I try to go through my day mindfully. I will get there. It's quite a journey, though.

Throughout all of this, my head is held high. I know that I will come out exactly where I need to be. I just need to apply patience (that's quite a lesson in itself).

This all seems very cryptic, doesn't it? I apologize for that. Sometimes struggles are like that. You can let others know you are struggling, but the details are left for self to work out.

I will continue to move forward, no matter how slowly. And I will continue to share all that I am able with you. That is my pledge. Life is amazing, and wonderful things are discovered daily. I hope that you all find that to be true!