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There are certain things that must be disclosed in relationships lest they eventually come to life and devastate the unaware. Fertility, biological sex, previous offspring, criminal record, etc. are all such items that should be laid out in the open for the other party to evaluate whether the relationship can continue. I would suggest that these types of matters not be discussed on a first date, but they definitely should be discussed before the relationship gets serious or otherwise headed toward long-term status. I’m sure the reader can name other types of characteristics that should be revealed as well, but one sticks out for me as particularly worthy of discussion: the ability to empathize (affectively). Many would be devastated to learn that their partner has no capacity for affective empathy toward them, much less the ability to truly “love” the person they are with. In many ways, this would be a selfish dealbreaker if the relationship was otherwise functional, but the very fact that it could irrevocably damage a person makes it worthy of required discussion between two individuals. This is a realization that I struggle with as I explore the possibility of one day having another relationship.

The longtime reader knows that I am Borderline in addition to ASPD and psychopathic. (For a detailed picture of what this looks like, I direct the reader to the book, Evil Genes). My Borderline facets are on the wane these days, thankfully, and aside from the occasional splitting – alternation between idealization and demonization of another – and black and white thinking, I more or less have this facet of my personality under wraps. This is a good thing. As devastating as ASPD can be to an individual caught in an interpersonal relationship with us, the Borderline dynamics with another can be as severe or worse. I’ve been called ableist for such views, but having suffered with the worst of the condition, I feel confident that I speak truth. Sometimes the truth is hard to swallow, but it must be nonetheless.

“Don’t take your mask off for too long,” they said. “You’ll never be able to put it back on,” they warned. I dismissed such advice as being too restrictive for a psychopath trying to maintain her good standing in the world. You know what, though? They were right. I’ve passed my event horizon and now there is nothing I can do to appear as I once was.

I’m twitching like a cockroach in its death throes. Every time that I think I make progress, I take two steps back. Impulsivity will eventually ruin me, but not today. Maybe I’ll be a parasite to a host that fights back. Maybe my lack of foresight and goals will catch up with me. It’s quite possible that I’ll put off the wrong person with my supreme megalomania. There are so many facets of this condition that could eventually burn me. I’m a small child, putting my hand on the stove – over and over again – not caring if it is hot or not. My outwardly antisocial behavior may be on the way out, but the secondary traits of the condition may prove more fatal, even if I do not end up in a jail cell. However, that day is not today.

Are “psychopath survivor” websites telling the truth? It’s interesting that so many take the opinions of these scorned lovers so seriously. After all, they presumably do not have the credentials required to confirm anyone as antisocial much less psychopathic. Yet here we are. The prevalence of such websites, books, voice boxes, etc. permeate the landscape around us. It makes it much more difficult to create change in those psychopaths that wish to reform – for selfish reasons – if the group is even more heavily stigmatized than they already are. We’ll explore some probabilities in the video that follows the jump and hopefully we’ll all come to the same conclusion: these outlets are spewing paranoia and hatred unnecessarily.