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All posts for the month August, 2016

Pursuit is the evidence of desire. I don’t know who penned this statement, but this is where it starts. Pursuit. I thought I knew what this word meant, but Webster is void of the emotions, the energy that this word evokes upon the person of which it takes hold.

In 2014, I posted this:

“I used to be a man-chaser. And what I now realize is while I was chasing the wrong one, my right one couldn’t catch me. I’d thought by now that he would be tired and stop pursuing before I stopped and waited. Then I remembered: they that wait on the Lord… shall run and not grow weary. He will continue to pursue and now that I’ve stopped chasing substitutes and am waiting on his pursuit, I thank God for second winds.” And what a beautiful second wind he is. I waited for him, but in reality, I truly believe he was kept for me. I couldn’t have imagined this story, yet God stepped back into eternity and reached into my timeline to orchestrate our paths to meet at what I would believe to be the most inopportune time.

We met through mutual friends in a kind of weird, roundabout way. The details aren’t as important right now, but I noticed him immediately. He is gorgeous, yet his quick smile is what captured me first. I remember that I couldn’t remember his name, which is weird for me, because I have a great memory for names and faces. About our 3rd interaction, I finally remembered it, and the smile that it earned me was worth it. We only interacted in crowds and groups and never spent time alone. We begin to build a friendship. I enjoyed the quick banter and he could match me wit for wit. Even in a room full of people, it would feel like we were the only ones in the conversation. He made a point to directly address and interact with me each time we crossed paths. He was intentional, even in the initial friendship stage. I never had to guess that he was interested in my opinion or feelings, because he made sure to directly express it. He wanted to know me, so he pursued my attention first. This was the first glimpse of what would begin this love story.

I remember being almost intimidated about how intentional he was, and because I’ve been here before but never quite like this, I laced up my Nike’s. About 3 years, I made a vow that my next boyfriend would be my husband, and God and I made a covenant that I wouldn’t date placeholders and He would remove all the impostors that might get through my initial defenses. When I first started to notice that I was more than ‘girl, he’s cute’ attracted to him, I started to back off. I made sure to invite other people into our conversations, to not initiate interactions and to act like I was always in a hurry when he was around. I know, I know. But hey, when you have done this wrong as many times as I have, you get a bit gun shy. But yet, he pursued. He made it a point to linger around until I had ran out of things to say to everyone else, lol. He positioned himself next to me in groups, made sure to ask me direct questions and actually pulled out stuff that he had noticed about me that I had never told him. “That boy good”. So, I prayed and asked God to remove him. And…I started seeing him more often. And he begin to make sure that I knew that this wasn’t a passing fancy, or a little crush.

I remember when we had “the talk”. I was so nervous, that I couldn’t form words. He smiled and said ‘There’s something here and at first I thought it was just a physical attraction, but then I realized that I started to get nervous when I knew I might see you, and that I was disappointed if I showed up and you weren’t there. This is something more and something that I want to develop. This isn’t passing, and I want to pursue this, pursue you. What are we going to do about it?” In typical fashion, I tried to deny it. Honestly, looking back, I was an idiot. A lesser man would have ran at my insecurities, my doubts, my fears. But not the one that He kept for me. The more I tried to run, the more he became that safe place and no matter how much I ran, I was beginning to realize that I was on a track, not a road. Eventually, I would end back where I started and he.was.still.there. He came prepared, he was wearing his cleats too. As I was pursuing Christ in my Single Season, his lane had intersected with mine, on his own pursuit. He heals me. He knows the real me… Some men come to destroy, others are sent to restore. When it’s time, I will tell you the story of how he is truly my Kinsman Redeemer, your faith in a Sovereign God will be all the more strengthened. Hollywood ain’t got nothing on a love story written in Heaven and manifest on Earth.

He pursues my heart. Every look, every smile, is meant only for me. I have never felt this secure. Which is crazy, because for some untold reasons, we aren’t public with our relationship. We aren’t even in a typical relationship, but when God is writing your love story, there is nothing typical about it. In his eyes, I see a vision of the scar in his side, from where I was taken. I made the comment one day that we were cut from the same cloth. His quick response, “I’m pretty sure you have one of my ribs.” And you, Sir, have come back to claim it. I’m yours. I might question the timing, but I don’t question the rightness of this. He affirms me in ways that go beyond a false physical bond, or whispered promises that we aren’t prepared to fulfill yet. I won’t pretend to understand all of God’s plan for us, or to know when or how this will all fit together. But I do know that my God does exceedingly, abundantly above anything that I could ever imagine. I couldn’t even fathom this. He is my beautiful Surprise.

I was created for him, but he was MADE for me. Every trial, struggle and triumph that he experienced was intimately orchestrated to form him into everything that I would need. God knew who I needed, so he fashioned him. I’m eternally grateful.

Beloved, I’m not ready to share you with the world yet, let’s just rest here for a while longer. Just me and you.