Four years ago, Rhian Burke lost her son George a week after his first birthday, when he tragically suffered a seizure at home. It was later discovered he was suffering from Bronchial Pneumonia and Type A Influenza. Rhian and her husband Paul received very little support and were left to deal with tremendous pain largely on their own. Unable to cope — just five days later— Paul committed suicide. With strength and courage most people in her situation would struggle to muster, Rhian went on to set up a child bereavement charity called 2 Wish Upon A Star with the aim of providing immediate support for bereaved parents.

"Setting up 2 Wish Upon A Star has also been incredibly rewarding. Working with and supporting families who are going through the worst moments of their lives is hard — sometimes very hard — but knowing that we are making a difference is worth it. The charity has grown so quickly, which highlights the need for our services in Wales. We have some grand plans for the charity, including branching out to the rest of the UK. Our mission is to be there when people need us the most, with no family left behind."

Here Rhian explains what you need to know if you, or loved one, lose a child…

First things first, allow yourself time to grieve

"To lose a child is the worst thing that can happen to a parent, and there is no right or wrong way to be. You have to allow yourself to fall apart and allow others to support you – but remember that in the end, only you can come to terms with your loss, so be kind to yourself."

Reach out to a charity or organisation

"There are many excellent bereavement charities (such as Child Bereavement UK) across the UK, but most require individuals to seek them out for support. In order to address this gap between bereavement and support 2 Wish Upon A Star works with Emergency Units and Police Forces across Wales, to support families immediately after their loss."

The support can be tailored to your needs

"Our charity works to support families down to each individual need, working with them for as long as it takes to help them through the difficult time. We initially offer support for 6-8 weeks before formal counselling is offered. We also offer play therapy for younger siblings who may be struggling to understand what has happened. For families who do not wish to receive professional counselling we offer complementary therapies that can help to provide some measure of respite."

A bereavement box: "We provide a family that loses a child under 26 with a memory box when they pass away. Staff will sit with the family and go through the items in the box. Handprints and locks of hair can be taken and placed in the box. A small elephant will be left with the child, with another going home with the bereaved family."

Try to be honest and open with how you're feeling

"Every family member is different both in terms of needs and handling of grief. It's important that family members are open and honest with their counsellor, the charity and each other. Some people tend to close themselves off and bottle how they feel, which can compound issues that could otherwise be supported. Sometimes the counsellor may not be the right one for them, or perhaps they are just not ready for counselling and need other support."

Judge situations carefully

"Whilst it's important to be there for someone suffering the loss of a child, it's also important to understand the balance between space and solace. That being said, if someone closes themselves off completely, shows signs of excessive anger or aggression or expresses harmful thoughts, it can be a warning sign of deeper issues and it may be worth seeking further help."

Make the most of friends and family (if you can)

"Support from friends and family is crucial, but one has to be able to allow others to help. This doesn't have to be all-encompassing support, it's actually the little things that make the difference… My advice is to let those close to you take your other children out for the day, let them make that basic grocery shop or even just let them be there for a cup of tea. People want to help and in many instances they need to help, but you have to be able to let them."

Caring for siblings

"Children need you to be honest and open about what has happened. They will know if you are keeping things from them and how you handle this may colour how they deal with grief in their adult lives. It's ok to show you are struggling and upset – they need to know that it's ok to cry... Routine is important, try as much as possible to keep things as they have been, such as breakfast and lunch times. It's also crucial that you communicate with the school so they are aware of your child's needs, and can give any further necessary support."

If you're the friend or family offering help…

If someone you know has lost a child, don't be afraid to talk to them about it. Show you are there to support them, but don't pretend to understand what they are going through as everyone is so different. It's such a delicate issue, but be led by the parent. Make yourself available to them, but if they ask for space – give it to them.

Phrases you should avoid saying to someone experiencing bereavement

"'I know how you feel', 'You will get over it with time', 'You are lucky to have other children to get you through', 'At least you had a short time with your child, it's better than no time.' These are all things that were said to me when I lost George. People understandably struggle with what to say; often they want to help and show their support, but are unable to express it. The most important thing is to just show you are there if needed!

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