Blackbirds found blind drunk in playground

SOME young tearaway blackbirds found dead at a primary school in Cumbria, which doesn’t sound very funny. However, when you consider the fact that they were dead from alcohol poisoning, it suddenly feels more amusing.

So who went to the corner shop for these feathered fiends? Were they drinking 20/20? Either way, animal health specialists were called to examine a DOZEN birds found in the playground, and a post-mortem analysis revealed that one of the birds had a large amount of alcohol in its liver.

Of course, what with them being stupid-ass birds, they thought they could drink-and-fly, but alas, they were hammered. A local wildlife sanctuary cared for one of the birds found in the area, which they described as unsteady on its feet, using its wings to support itself and leaning on the walls of its enclosure.

And looking for chips.

It would appear that these beaked ruffians had been getting lashed on fermented berries. Tim Harrison, development officer of the British Trust for Ornithology’s (BTO) Garden BirdWatch explained: “Generally speaking, birds that have a lot of fruit in their diet are more efficient at metabolising alcohol and are better adapted at eating fruit that has higher alcohol concentrations.”

“There are anecdotal reports of birds acting ‘drunk’ but these tend to be very rare”.

This is similar to the group of redwings who got pissed on holly berries in the winter of 1999. God bless drunken birds. We can’t wait for the inevitable story about a pissed parrot, slurring insults in a pet shop.