Prenup shouldn't offend fiancee

Dear Amy: I'm supposed to be getting married next month but my fiance just asked me for a prenuptial agreement and I don't know what to do.

This stems from his ex-wife who was a gold digger who tried to bleed him dry; now he's trying to protect himself.

However, I'm not her and I feel offended that he would make such a request of me.

I am educated, professionally established and we are not far apart economically.

My objection is based on the fact that I subscribe to the simple notion that if you don't trust a person, then you shouldn't marry that person, and I resent being asked to "prove" my good intentions.

Although I love him deeply, I'm not sure I can marry someone who wants a "fail-safe" back-up plan for himself, when I'd trust him enough to move away and give up my career to take care of him and raise a family.

Marriage shouldn't have an escape route, making it easy to walk away. What should I do?

— Frazzled Fiancee

Dear Fiancee: A prenuptial agreement shouldn't box you in to any particular mode during your marriage.

A prenuptial agreement is essentially a financial plan that delineates how a couple would divide their assets in the event of a divorce.

I realize that divorce-planning is not the most romantic concept, especially as you contemplate your wedding, but if your fiance has been married — and burned — before, then you can understand why he would want to clarify matters before taking the plunge now.

You don't say why this has surfaced, with the wedding a month away, but you should not succumb to pressure to agree to anything you don't want to agree to. You should not get married until you feel comfortable with this process.

One good thing about this challenging process is that it forces tough conversations, clarity and disclosure on both sides.

You may have assets that you would wish to retain in the event of a divorce (your retirement plan from work or a property you purchased before your marriage, for instance).

If you decide to enter what is essentially a business negotiation you should do so with your own lawyer — not his — reviewing the agreement and discussing it with you.

Dear Amy: My wife and I are hosting a rehearsal dinner for our son and his fiancee a day before the wedding. We are having it at a restaurant.

Because my side of the family will be traveling to the event, a number of them will be at the rehearsal dinner, including my sister and family.

My sister's 50th birthday happens to be the day of the rehearsal dinner.

Is it inappropriate to mention her birthday toward the end of the toast, which I would be giving?

I don't want to upset the bride.

— Father of the Groom

Dear Father: It is thoughtful of you to worry about upsetting the bride, but you are the host of the rehearsal dinner and it is appropriate during your toast to recognize both sides of the merging family and to recognize your sister's landmark birthday.

You could run this past the couple before the night to make sure they are aware of it so they won't be surprised. They may suggest you include a cake in your sister's honor along with dessert.

Weddings and wedding celebrations should primarily revolve around the marrying couple, but they should also realize that the world does not stop turning during their wedding weekend.

Dear Amy: You ran a letter from a young man who called himself "Concerned with the Future," who was wondering about his online love relationship.

I can't believe how negative you were about the future prospects of an online relationship! I met my now husband online and didn't meet him in person until several years after we started communicating online. We know several other happy couples who have had the same experience.

Get with it, Amy!

— Happily Hitched

Dear Hitched: I don't have a negative view of online matching (I've done it myself), but I always suggest that people who meet online try to meet in person as soon as possible.