Sunday, August 27, 2006

So, work's been work. Really great, though. I'm actually here now, on Sunday night, since the Internet's been down at my place (decidedly not Comcastic). But I'm coming back by the middle of this week--you can quote me. In the meantime, enjoy this picture of burger dude, and try your best to get the image unburned from the insides of your eyelids when you're falling asleep tonight.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Like a referee with a whistle.Like a licensed .45 pistol. Like dude.Coming soon, like in three hours soon: my first day as a full-time staff member of the City Paper.Of course, in classic Drew style, I can't find my effing social security card anywhere. I turned my apartment over three times, and it's nowhere to be found. I feel as though I might have a repressed memory of Nike chewing the shit out of it when G was conquering Europe, but I'm not sure if that actually happened. I'm trying to get moms to fax me a copy. I'm hoping she comes through; then again, she always does. Shoutout to my mom. Wish me luck. Please?This gulliness is included in my job description:

Saturday, August 12, 2006

I originally posted this as a MySpace bulletin, but then I realized it would make more sense to throw it on here. Get in touch.Hello--Anyone out there well-versed in creating blog/website banners? I want on Trapper Juan, but I gots no skills. That template shit is tired.Hit me up, but only if you've got a bit of free time and you're interested in messing with this idea. (Lo siento for bugging all of you busy-as-hell "employed" people.) As payment, I'll buy you lunch or some drinks or something. What's more, I'll write an ultra-flattering blog post about you, prose rife with pretty-penny half-truths and Bill Braskyian exaggeration. You should know that my blog commands a staggering audience, namely my sister, and maybe Michelle if she's not working.Please, get your mull on. Thank you much!

It updates itself daily. This means that, in the span of 24 hours, 12 different La Salle University students decided they didn't like The Cosby Show anymore. What are the odds? On a brighter note, it's good to see Legends of the Hidden Temple is still pulling some new fans, despite the glaring fact that Kirk Fogg is the second-worst gameshow host in history, right behind the dude on Finders Keepers who obviously hated black children. Remember when Kurt rappeled from the ceiling at the beginning? They should've just downsized, leaving Olmec in charge of the whole shebangabang. He had more personality. Let's rock.

Sorry JRR, but today's (literally, today's) college students identify more with this guy. Also, I'd never seen a picture of Tolkien before, so I image-searched him. This was the first result. That dude obviously holds a BA in horrible cartoon dialogue from the Bil Keane Institute of Technology.

I apologize for the horrible screencaps. I don't really know how to do them.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

I pulled this off "The Pulse," a Facebook feature that tracks "trends" based on what students list as their interests. Apparently, "having a good time" is no longer a priority...eff it, let's play some PONG, bro! No re-racks! Also, golf > hanging out with friends.

I don't own a video game system. This, of course, isn't counting the Sega Saturn I got stashed at the parent's crib in MD (NBA Live '97, son...just try and fucks with the Barros-to-DeClercq nolook). Regardless, I still enjoy reading about the latest insanity. And this (no, not Andrew DeClercq) is insanity at its, uh...most insane.

I originally caught this clip of Dead Rising on Destructoid (a wonderful site, despite its heavy reliance on the infuriating term "gamer"), and I just noticed that Jon from Adam Riff™ granted the game pole position on his supremely informative omnibus-esque sidebar. From him: "Play as a photojournalist trapped in a shopping mall with thousands of zombies. Designed to be totally open-ended, the game allows you to investigate whatever you want, kill whoever you want and finish the game by completing whatever objectives you see fit."

Disregarding the obvious appeal of playing as a photojournalist (remember the old Spidermangames?), DR sounds like the balls for a number of reasons. First and foremost, it's got lots of zombies, but it doesn't come across thinky, a la the Resident Evil series. Of course, by thinky, I mean "capable of making Drew freak out and forget what all the buttons do each time more than one enemy an enemy appears on the screen." Ah, screwResident Evil.

Anyways, the fluidity aspect is enticing as well. Imagine having the contents of an entire mall at your disposal. In this preview alone, dude lays out undeadizens via:

Also, the clip's disclaimer ("this game contains scenes of graphic violence and extreme gore") ranks as the most egregious understatement since a friend of mine described The Quest as "somewhat similar to Bloodsport."

Jesse, if you're out there: I'm coming over to play this forthwith. You've been warned.

(Do all photojournalists know martial arts, or is that just a stereotype?)

Friday, August 04, 2006

Thursday, August 03, 2006

I'm no author, but did it really take two dudes to write this book, especially when one of them is nerd messiah Piers Anthony? (source via Secret Dead Blog) Regardless, John Striker seems like a catch, and he slightly resembles John Saxon circa Enter The Dragon.

I initially found this recent Bayless piece on Charles Barkley's gubenatorial dreams to be typical Skip fare--you know, all "whatever you think, I'm going to think the opposite just to be a dick," et cetera. The more I read, however, the more I realized that dude is borderline delusional and a tad racist: "It also isn't at all a stretch to imagine many other African-American athletes or coaches running a state. Magic Johnson would be a phenomenal governor. Grant Hill would be a politician you could trust. So would Tony Dungy or Avery Johnson or Mike Singletary. I could go on and on."

So basically, the only black athletes that would make good politicians are the ones who don't project traditionally "black" values or personae. Obey Your Thirst's shot-to-shit knees wouldn't hold up one week in office. Also, does he really think MAGIC JOHNSON would be a phenomenal governor? Skip To My obviously never watched The Magic Hour.

I was looking through my Statcounter thing the other day, and I noticed that one visitor to the site arrived here via South Africa Is Crap, a blog chronicling information about why Dave Matthews' Charlize Theron's home country is a "failed 'Rainbow' nation [declining] into a Turd World Hellhole." Ambitious, and quite convincing. Eff South Africa.

My e-brethren Dallas Penn has been getting tons of well-deserved attention for his brilliant Ghetto Big Mac video, but don't sleep on his ability to get you all misty. That, and his penchant for creepy Opus Dei group pictures. I'm going to try the GBM trick at the McD's down the street sometime soon. I think the employees there will appreciate my hustle.

I like some Owen Wilson on-screen, but he seems like a complete ass in real life. First off, he's from Texas, and y'all know how they can be. Second, his recent comments regarding Steely Dan's plagiarism accusations scream douche: "I have never heard the song `Cousin Dupree' and I don't even know who this gentleman, Mr. Steely Dan, is. I hope this helps to clear things up and I can get back to concentrating on my new movie, `HEY 19.'"

Owen obviously knows that Steely Dan isn't one person. Don't you remember the scene from Armageddon where he complains to the shrink about people who think Jethro Tull is a single dude, and not a collective? He's just trying to be an asshole on purpose. Then again, I wouldn't leave Steely Dan alone in my kitchen, for fear that they'd sprinkle caustic chemicals over the contents of my refrigerator.Are you reelin' in the years...

Sasha (who now goes by Alex, apparently) doesn't think she's eloquent when it comes to analyzing movies. But just read her take on the universally reviled Lady In The Water (23 percent!). Her opinion's as apt as any seasoned film critic's, Bob Balaban notwithstanding:

"What I love about M. Night is he gives a pretty ridiculous situation and says, 'Okay, so this probably wouldn't happen...but what if? How would real people react in this absurd situation I've given you? What if a fucking kid could see dead people? What if aliens attacked the earth? What if you found out your parents lied to you, and you're really living in a modern world?' Here, I couldnt do that. I didn't get what he was trying to say about the human condition because there was too much fantasy...and if there was social commentary, I missed it."