This was vaguely inspired by the cat-bathing thread. I never bathed any of my cats (unless they were quite small kittens), but I have had a couple of similar experiences that are possibly unique in human history. I thought it might be fun to share these.

I have Mexican hairless dogs. I have an inordinate fondness for Ethiopian food. Once, I made a pound of butter's worth of niter kibbeh, a clarified spiced butter used extensively in Ethiopian cooking. My idiot dog, Lucas, the one who can't keep his paws to himself, managed to overturn the container of still-liquid butter over himself in the kitchen.

I am probably the only person to ever try to catch a spiced-butter-covered hairless dog in the kitchen to give him a bath before he made himself sick licking off all that butter. A greased pig has nothing on it - Lucas is fast and agile! He was determined to get as much of the butter as possible. I also had two other dogs in there trying to lick the floor (and walls), but were fortunately not covered in butter.

I had to make more niter kibbeh. And scrub the kitchen and all 3 dogs.

I have chihuahuas who take their baths pretty well, but make me feel guilty because they look so small and shakey.

But we had a cat named [female dog] who not only hated water but she loved to roll on gross things. So she had to be bathed weekly. This was awful... until she decided she liked getting in the shower with me. I'd keep her shampoo with me and give her a squirt and a scrub while she was trying to kill the rubber duckie.

As for my own furbabies - the apartment I used to live in had bad screening, and lots of bugs got in. I put up a fly strip for a while one summer. For those who are not familiar, it is a long strip of sticky paper you hang from the ceiling.

My younger cat likes to run to meet me when I come in the door. I came home from an overnight trip and... no cat. Called him. No cat. I was just about to panic when he came out of the bedroom, tail between his legs, looking absolutely pathetic and depressed - with the fly strip wound around him. Somehow he had managed to jump up and grab it and get completely tangled up in it. I had a heck of a time trying to get it off him, and then scrub the remaining sticky stuff out of his fur.

He did learn to stay away from them, though...

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You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

My step-kitty loves to go outside in the west Texas desert. My boyfriend (hence"step-kitty") feels the need to give her a bath every few weeks because of that. There are now two long sets of claw marks in his parents' bathroom because she really, really doesn't like showers. The wall is a darker shade of brown so the marks are really obvious. It's pretty funny although the marks on my boyfriend weren't so funny.

My dogs have all died of old age. But in their younger days they were very protective and not particularly intelligent. There are skunks in this area. There is a recipe for a skunk scent removal shampoo that includes 1 quart of hydrogen peroxide and 1 box of baking soda.

Which explains my emergency trip to the 24-hour grocery at 11pm to buy 1 quart of hydrogen peroxide and 1 bottle of baking soda.

Definiely Matilda. I got home from work to find the cat waiting for me - blood red from head to toe and dripping. She saw me and ran, so thinking she had hurt herself I followed the footprints to under the bed. Two small resentful eyes peered out.

It wasn't blood. DH had had sardines in tomato sauce. Miss Moggy had been bin raiding, which was why she ran when she saw me. She came out, licked clean, a couple of hours later, but I had to clean the pawprints off the floor.

When we first moved in, the cat needed a bath because the long trip on the plane meant she had peed all over herself.

She's pretty good about letting us play with her feet so I clipped her nails first and then put her in the tub with about two inches of water. So I didn't get all busted up, and the biggest problem was her trying to escape. It was pretty easy until I tried to get the soap off of her stomach. She kept squirming or laying down. So eventually I gave up and when she laid down, I pushed her whole body around, rubbing her tummy on the bottom of the tub.

I learned three things that day:1. Our cat can do an amazing air-raid horn impression2. The bottom of the tub makes a pretty good washboard3. Kitties, when properly lubricated, are capable of sliding on their stomachs like penguins

When we first moved in, the cat needed a bath because the long trip on the plane meant she had peed all over herself.

She's pretty good about letting up play with her feet so I clipped her nails first and then put her in the tub with about two inches of water. So I didn't get all busted up, and the biggest problem was her trying to escape. It was pretty easy until I tried to get the soap off of her stomach. She kept squirming or laying down. So eventually I gave up and when she laid down, I pushed her while body around, rubbing her tummy on the bottom of the tub.

I learned three things that day:1. Our cat can do an amazing air-raid horn impression2. The bottom of the tub makes a pretty good washboard3. Kitties, when properly lubricated, are capable of sliding on their stomachs like penguins

My big dog hates getting a bath but once in the tub just gives up and gets it over with. This year she surprised me by actually jumping into the tub instead of me having to hoist her into it.

I have one cat that will come into the bathroom when I am taking a bath and swish his paw around trying to catch my toes. He also likes to eat the bubbles.

Another cat comes in when I am showering, gets on the rim of the tub and yowls. I think she is announcing that the crazy lady is actually getting *wet* again.

Our cockatoo loved our old-old house because the shower was in the basement. So all of the piping was exposed and he could hang upside like a bat with his wings spread and just sort of mist himself. New house is a regular shower so the only way to bathe him is to get in the shower with him. Otherwise if you just try holding him under the spray or set him in the tub he either climbs out or climbs up the shower curtain and gets on the rod. And then gets bitey because he is taller than you.

He gave me a scare once. I got up and uncovered his cage and saw blood all over his cage. Finding a vet that does birds is pretty hard around here but we talked one into letting us bring him by. At the least we would get the poor bird euthanised and he wouldn't suffer.

I scrambled around getting his travel cage ready, getting clothes on and getting my husband ready to do the driving. As I walked through the living room for the millionth time I spied the wrapper of a large amount of Redvine licorice. I stopped and asked one of the boys "When did we get those?" "Dad brought them home last night. You were sleeping. The bird sure loved eating them!" *head desk* Yeah.. it wasn't blood it was the red dye. The vet's receptionist got a big laugh about that.

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"I feel sarcasm is the lowest form of wit." "It is so low, in fact, that Miss Manners feels sure you would not want to resort to it yourself, even in your own defense. We do not believe in retaliatory rudeness." Judith Martin

I decided to bathe my cat once because I was bringing her to my parents for Christmas and my sister was going to be there and she is terribly allergic, so I thought I would wash away the extra dander! So, I acquired some cat shampoo, changed into an old tee shirt, got an old towel, gathered up the cat and shut us into my bathroom. I run a couple of inches of warm water in the tub and grab the reluctant cat. The battle commenced and it was epic. She fought hard. I fought back. The battled raged and ultimately I did win. I realized after that despite her frantic fight, she never once used her claws or teeth. At the end of it, we were both soaking wet and I was covered with gray fur (she sheds when she gets anxious). I dried her in the towel, even blew dry her a little and all was well. She forgave me almost immediately.

I kind of think that she decided to "fight fair" and not bring out the true weapons.

My cat bath story was about 20 years ago. My cat, Inky, got outside and rolled in some sticky tar like stuff. She had to have a bath to get it off before she started licking it. I thought kitchen sink would work. I run a couple of inches of water in the sink and made sure I had baby shampoo and towels nearby.

Go pick up cat and put in sink. Cat explodes out of sink and latches on to mini-blind. Down comes cat and mini-blind. Grab cat and put blind on counter.

Put cat back into sink. Second cat explosion out of sink. She start scrambling around and her back claw catches the edge of the silverware drawer. Out goes the drawer and it hits the floor. Forks, spoons, and knives everywhere. Keep hold of cat, but end up with floor full of silverware.

Third time, cat into sink. No explosion since I had a steel lock on her scruff and a bit of help from my mom. Next 5-10 minutes we get a serenade of cat screaming and growling.

Finally get her clean and rinsed off. She goes running out of the kitchen and is not seen for four hours. She is heard though growling any time someone came into the bedroom where she was hiding.

One Sunday morning, DH and I were awakened by our kitty Stuey. He jumped onto the bed as usual for his morning cuddles. We were petting him when we noticed he felt sort of....slimy. DH pulled his hand back and sniffed it. "It's laundry soap!" he says. We went down to the laundry room, where we discovered that Stuey had knocked down a jug of liquid laundry soap, it exploded, and apparently he thought the best thing to do would be to roll around in it.

Cue us getting out of bed before 7am to bathe a cat. Thankfully we have a detachable shower head which makes cat-bathing far easier. And we didn't have to add any soap! DH held him while I scrubbed and rinsed. The soap was so concentrated that it took nearly 20 minutes of rinsing before the bubbles were gone! The whole time Stuey was moaning like a fog horn about what horrible humans he has.