Horny Deaf Old Man Fined for Watching Porn Way Too Loud

A court in Germany has fined a senior citizen who can't hear just under $100 because he played porn so loudly it bothered his neighbors, which, depending on your view, is either slightly better or worse than being subjected to your neighbors actually doing the nasty while you're a thin layer of plaster away.

The man, who is over 75, would blast the X-rated shenanigans, which continually irritated his neighbors -- a couple in their 60s -- who had previously complained and reached an agreement with the man to listen to the porn at a regular volume. The man, though, had tried to argue he had actually hired a prostitute, which, even if true, probably didn't make the neighbors feel much better, knowing a lady turning tricks had been on the premises.

Unfortunately for the man, he failed to keep the volume at an agreed-upon level and could not abide by the judge's recommendation he use headphones, claiming, "When I put it on, I do not hear the door bell. And I cannot hear burglars either."

Yeah, because if there's one thing anyone watching porn is focused on, it's someone trying to break into the house.