Searching for the item number, the truck is called "Yiddish Toys Hachnosas Sefer Torah Toy Truck" and there doesn't appear to be any logos, but I can't really make out what's supposed to be on the side of the truck

I googled the model, and the Sears page is down, but Amazon lists it as unavailable.
I hope I don't get banned for revealing that it's the Yiddish Toys Hachnosas Sefer Torah Toy Truck.
https://www.amazon.ca/Hachnosas-Sefer-Torah-Truck-Yiddish/dp/B00YBCE3EM

The unusable port is completely normal - the card doesn't contain the hardware for the parallel port, but since the card uses a standard I/O chip which includes parallel port support, you need to include some kind of driver or the card will create spurious IRQs and use up 100% CPU in Windows. Linux doesn't require such a driver.

That's wrong. (Under any version of Windows known to me including 95 and 98) Unknown device will not create any such problem you described. Main problem is, that it can prevent entering some of ACPI S-states.

So you obviously don't know Windows 10. I do neither, but I've read enough about it to be rather hesitant to switch to it. Just one example:
https://www.techradar.com/how-to/windows-10-fall-creators-update-problems-how-to-fix-them