A Sentimental Education

A letter in response to Jill Lepore’s article (October 18, 2010)

Lepore only hints at the deeper issue that none of these books come close to addressing. Children’s books that present sex as primarily an expression of love and baby-making disingenuously cover up the fact that humans are compelled by a sexual instinct that manifests itself early, in “playing doctor” and in endless speculation by children about who does what with whom. When books or parents condense the cornucopia of feeling and experience to “love,” and simply leave out desire, they lose contact with what children actually feel and do. This can create anxieties that take decades to straighten out. Instead, we should allow our children to thumb through “The Joy of Sex,” which is explicit about the variety of experience but not judgmental, and acknowledge to our teens that sex is a human mystery that we all experience differently and gradually figure out for ourselves.