The things we learned from our fathers

Oh, the grief I can see myself getting for this. I make a big deal about writing to mothers for Mother’s Day, and then I forget to get something out in advance for Father’s Day. Well, get over it. I didn’t even get my father’s card in the mail until Friday!

I co-lead a self-help group for men with MS in Seattle. One of the funny things about guys, fathers in particular, has to do with throwing a ball around. It’s like one of the first things men with MS say about what this disease might do… “I want to be able throw a ball around with my kids.” It’s as if that is the key to being a good father.

I remember the times having a catch with my father (and yes, I think a ‘catch’ is something you have not play) in the back yard or the vacant lot across the street, and they are wonderful memories. That’s not what made my dad a good father. It’s not what makes anybody a good father. Tossing the ball around is a father/child version of a social lubricant. It’s like a drink after a golf game.

Having a catch is a rhythmic back-and-forth that relaxes and connects two people through space and time, even though you stand so far apart, the longer you throw, the closer you become.
I get that! It’s just that throwing your kids a ball isn’t the only way to give them a leg up and pass on your wisdom.

Dads with MS and fathers of children whose mothers have MS are specially equipped to help. You are dealing with something you never dreamed of in your life. You are, daily, fighting heroic battles with the insidious that is MS. You can help you children to understand what that part of life is all about through your painful experiences.

Dads with MS, yeah, it would be nice to be able to throw the ball around. If you still can, for pity’s sake, do. If you can’t, however, know that it’s not in the ball. Having a catch is all in that word: catch. It’s all about making sure that they get what it is that you are throwing to them. It will help them later cope with what life will throw at them.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Trevis Gleason

Trevis L. Gleason is a food journalist and published author, an award-winning chef and culinary instructor who has taught at institutions such as Cornell University, New England Culinary Institute and...read more