The Complete humor man since 1982

Feb 22, 2010

Note: This post is not written with an intention to hurt the sentiments of any race/ creed/ religion. If you are an Indian and if it still hurts your sentiment, then the author is definitely talking about you.

Are you a wannabe?

The following are some of the characteristics of a wannabe

Do you talk in normal English and your accent automatically changes when a person of the opposite sex approaches you? You are a wannabe

Do you wear your baggie trousers so low and reveal your underwear? You are a wannabe (Either wash your underwear or buy a new one)

Do you often fold your fingers and show the yo/peace symbol? You are a wannabe

Do you often unleash your middle finger and show it to someone to vent your anger? You are a wannabe. (90% of the Indians learn this art in colleges - IBA Report -2002; How ever IBA report -2008 reveals that 90 % of Indians learn it in primary school. India shining indeed)

Do you wear your cap in any position other than the normal position? You are a wannabe (Where did you learn it from? You are not a Hippie)

There are various other ways of finding a wannabe. The wannabes are usually born in co-ed colleges in India (Now in schools too)

The Typical Muthukumar who enjoys listening to Dappankuthu songs, suddenly starts listening to Rock Music. "In the end"- by linkin park is a song that all wannabes know byheart, even though they wouldn't have a single clue about the meaning of the song. He starts talking about different genres of music too.

When he converses with a girl, he usually shows his musical knowledge by talking about a few genres like punk metal, death metal,Trans etc... If you ask him the operational definition of each genre, he would never have any clue about it (Unless he likes all the genres and unless he is a wannabe). There are exceptions too.

However a very few guys (NRIs) would be there in every college. They do not fake like the wannabes. The smooth accent in their english is a natural phenomenon that runs in their blood. When they say ,"Yo Dude" or "Ssup Bro", it would sound very natural and they wouldn't take pains to use such words. But the wannabes always try to emulate the NRI guys by depicting some hand gestures ( folding some fingers) while saying "Yo Dude". The hand gestures and the voice modulation never match and they often cut a sorry figure like our very own Appamchappathy @Gopumon[link]

Watch this video to have an A/V depiction of wannabes

I don't have a clue why the wannabes see normal (Indianised) English as a below the standard way of talking. If British English comes natural to you, I appreciate you. But if it doesn't don't try to talk like Greg Chappel. You would only sound like LathaMangeshkar talking in a male voice.

The guys are not the only culprits here. There are a bunch of girls too who fall under the same category. 90% of the Indian college girls are relatives of Queen Elizabeth. British English flows out of their mouth like honey (Scientists have never discovered the secret behind their English skills). I don't have any problem with their English speaking skills. But most of them try to look cool by using profane language in their speech. If they speak 100 words, the F word would contribute at least 25 of the 100 words. A research conducted in the 90s by WHO revealed that only prostitutes use the F word in their regular conversation. The wannabe guys usually hang out with these girls. If you use the F word, who are you trying to emulate? You can speak clearly and your sentences would be beautiful even without profanity.

Coming to the dressing sense of the wannabe girls, I have no problem even if you do not wear anything, but if you wear short skirts, please wax your legs. If you are wearing sleeveless tops, please wax your underarms. If you wanna pierce your belly button, go ahead and do it. It is your belly button and it wont hurt me. If you wanna show your cleavage, go ahead and do it. But do not give dirty stares to guys who ogle at your Breasts. It is understandable if you wanna just stare and intimidate the guy; but if you call him a Bastard for staring at your silicon implants , you are just proving that you are a wannabe.

A girl showing her cleavage is her birth right. I am not gonna voice against it and incur the wrath of male readers. But I have seen guys showing their cleavages too. If you have buttons in your shirt, button it up. Unbuttoning the top 4 buttons and revealing your chest doesn't make you look cool for two reasons

You are not a girl and you don't have breasts to enhance your cleavage

Your chest hair is yukky and i would pluck them away.

I have also heard the wannabes using the words "You son of a bitch" to cuss others. How did they ever coin that phrase? and How on earth would that be cussing?

Son of a Bitch

Literally a puppy dog is a "a son of a bitch".

So "son of a bitch" doesn't even qualify to fall under the vulgar language.

So stop using the term out-of-context.

Talking about Dogs, they are trend setters.

Dog is the only animal which lifts it's leg to pee

Chronicwriter taught them the art of lifting their leg to pee.

Dogs are trend setters to the art of sex too. Doggy style is a famous sex position.(Chronicwriter did not teach them the doggy style) No one calls it a Tiger style or Lion style.

Hence please show your respect to dogs and stop cussing one another.

Be yourself. You would look good, if you wear your own mask. But If you still wanna wear somebody else's mask and remain a wannabe, you have every right to do it. I am not asking you to change. Even if you become yourself; India's population rise is not gonna stall, BalThakarey is not gonna shut his mouth and Chronicwriter is not gonna stop blogging.

SUPERB MESSAGE bro: be yourself - no masks. The fact you carried that through interspersed with a cream of reality and humour once again proves, if proof were needed, that you are absolutely the best in your business - humour blogging. :D. Though I am panting at the frequency of your posts in the last couple of weeks, lol, boy! I am glad too. :) Inspired - and inspiring - stuff.

I liked the line where you talk of Greg Chappell and the male version of Latha Mageshkar's voice: that's the fount of creativity in humour. :D

I am glad you have been balanced in your approach to the English-speaking habits and mannerisms of both sexes. Thoroughly enjoyed it. :D

PS: I suffer from the opposite syndrome - probably because I have lived by last half a decade away from home! :) And that is... I would like to talk in thamizh, especially my dialect of it, when girls are around. :D :D

i fake accents, especially mallu and bihari, i say super atleast three times i find anything nice.well, lining park is definitely shittiest band on earth, too religious about music, so wont write anything more than this.British english.... LOL, that is much more easy to fake, just have a stiff upper lip.h'm even arsehole is not really an abuse, comon we all have arsehole?cleavage display is now more of passe now, we want more!

Very nice karuthulla post chriz... :) :) I've never used swear words till my mba 1st year... and after talking to few classmates, it comes out of my mouth so easily these days.. need ta look at it.. cuz I know its too UNSOW.. sowmiya is always gentle and sweet :P

seems you are on a blogging spree :D no ones complaining though :)loved your take... it takes a lot more to carry a style and copy it... on;y a fine line distinguish funny and fabulous :Dhillarious post :D

thank you for writing this ! i'm so tired of the BEEPs !the wannabe part is good too ... there are just too many of them .. (i'm one of them too .. i'm a wannabe geek :P so i google everything and try to show that i'm cool.)

One of the best original and definitely a 'non-wannabe' post that I've encountered in recent years. You have pointed out our desi stereotypes with great elan invoking quality satire in the process. A true definition of rising India-this post is an eye opener..!!! Infact, India itself is an wannabe in most global aspects except...industry and cricket. For the rest...be it films or mass media, they are just hopelessly emulating the west...!!!!

5/5 for this formidable blog post...!!!

Keep it up....you really got some fucking skills with the pen man...!!!

does saying 'duh' count as wannnabe? because i feel very du-uh right now :P. Mental u. U r wannabe crazy. oh n saying wannabe is wannabe :P. hah :D i am so meannnnnnnnnnnnnn. no u can cuss me with a wannabe f

I was once told that a fruitcake escaped the zoo, heard they've been searchin for him since 1982, I've been on the lookout for him too, now I've finally found u when I least expected to, and fell in love with the monkey in you. 39 comments for post number 394 eh? nice work dude.

I was smilin all throughout the post.. I used to get super pissed wid ppl like these in college.. I went to a college like Xavier's.. So met a lot of em ulhasnagar boys turnin into banruh (read bandra) boyz('z' for added impact) Saala Khajur log cud hardly speak in english man.. Jus coz they smoked and cud jive, they thought they had become pav walas.. LOL

just when i have written a post in my blog 'me thinks' on title 'constipation with concentration' u have uploaded your photos... hilarious man.. can i get one of those for my blog, so i can say, 'this is how a constipated guy shits'?

I was going to roast you upon the flames of my sarcasm for saying that wannabes like to talk about genres, but then I saw that you've added "exceptions are there" so i guess we're okay.lol. The thing is, I am a drummer and i do have some knowledge about the technical differences between various geners. And i like to keep that to myself. Also, the music in India is changing, with A.R. Rehman making awesome fusions and whatnot, so those 'typical' Indians listening to classical have become rare indeed inn this generation. And i see nothing wrong with changing your taste in music. As for the 'refined' accent in front of opposite sex... LMAO bro, I've seen such retards so often that it doesn't register anymore.