Oh, not that way, don't worry: Yuna's playing the virgin sacrifice so perfectly that all Spira is holding its breath for her to die the part. When Sin bursts over the Calm Lands like a flower flaming out, they'll pine and sigh and cluck their tongues over the tragic beauty of innocence cut short.

Like Chappu's bones rolling in the muck at Djose, only that wasn't pretty at all.

I have no claim to her love: all Spira loves her, and she loves all of Spira. She is dear to so many.

She is dear to me in ways that make me fierce and proud and vulnerable. I went on two pilgrimages before I was ready, in order to save her the trouble. I failed one summoner, and the other failed me. I don't think either will be a problem on this pilgrimage.

I wish she'd fail me. I wish she'd lose her nerve, run away with that fool boy from the sea who tries so hard not to see what's coming.

Ah, Yuna's awake. Brushing out my wet hair, I listen to the quiet murmurs of a summoner's devotions in the gray-blue light before dawn. She prays with such sweet conviction. Yevon is always atonement for me, belts and buckles meant to keep me from going astray. For her, it's wings, sacrifice made easy. No wonder Valefor always comes to her with a look of pure devotion. They are almost the same soul.

"Good morning, Lulu!" Her buoyant greeting's barely changed since she first resolved to die. There's a quick hug sometimes, if one of us has been having nightmares. Soft words, confidences, girl talk. Mage talk. What the next aeon will look like. What to do when Wakka finally discovers Rikku's a heathen. Why I should put off roasting Tidus one more day.

Her fingers, now. With practiced speed they spill along my scalp, tucking the ends in and leaving neat, tight rows that pinch my eyebrows back. It's the same taut strain as the corset, curiously comfortable when one gets used to it, subtly reminding me of my body and skin. A useful counter; I think too much.

Our hands join briefly as we sweep up part of the undisciplined mass into a bun, tucking pins into place. Yuna divides the remainder into four parts. Then it's a slow, gentle, tug-tug-tug, weaving my braids with a deft rhythm that feels like music or something more intimate.

We each take two plaits. If we're not talking, there's another, deeper kind of conversation, the communion of fingertips' touch. Sometimes it's teasing, getting in each other's way and making a race of it. Sometimes it's unspoken reassurances, comfort, solace, the caress that says, "I know you're hurt" or "I'm listening." Sometimes it's unacknowledged flirting, a tactile duet that flows between us until it's all I can do to keep my breathing steady.

"I win!" she says. I don't dispute her.

Yuna has her role, I have mine. She licks the tip of a braid and slips several blue beads over the end to keep each strand in place. I do the same.

Dawn's coming.

Just once, I wish I dared ask her to brush out my hair under the moon.

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Comments

This was lovely. I really like how you've chosen to explore the intimacy of their relationship that is close and physical without being the typical hug-'n'-kiss affair. It's subtle and complex and touching. I very much enjoyed reading it - you're the master of Lulu first-person perspective. ;)

haha, mmm. i can almost imagine Yuna brushing Lulu's hair out under the full moon, "Lulu, why are you breathing so heavily? Are you okay?" XP! then Lulu is so turned on by the hair brushing she pulls Yuna in for a very passionate kiss. mmm. *grin* nice fic, sweet and yet angsty at the same time

...omg. Someone wrote giftfic. For me! This is totally the first time I've ever had giftfic asdfhsagf;d! Also, also, this is so so much the kind of gentle sensuality-through-affection that makes me go *flail*. I'm a big fan of the ideas that there are countless ways to be intimate with someone. And Lulu wanting Yuna to fail her because she thinks she's not good enough ;_; (I have done this. gods. It's so true.) and comparing Yuna to Valefor (I love, love, love how affectionate she is with her summons. It seems like a summoner should be, you know? Not just taking them for granted, seeing them as tools to win a fight-- there should be a genuine bond of some kind, or how do you get them to listen to you at all?) and the tragedy. The acute juxtaposition in statements like Her buoyant greeting's barely changed since she first resolved to die. And the way that some people do so love to fuss over an innocent's death, the horror in that, somehow.

Also, I love that they have mage talk. Hearts.

This is so awesome. You win. o.o

(so, randomly, you know that just last night I was reading the fic of yours where Lulu is using her braids like that on Auron and so they were totally already so hot in my mind when I read this. *explode*)

The poignant juxtaposition of joy and tragedy in FFX is one of my favoritest parts of the game; so often a simple smile or a joke or living an ordinary life is a defiant act of courage. To misquote Tolkien, "in all lands, joy is now mingled with grief."

(hm, I think I will adjust "mages talk" to "mage talk" to make the parallel more exact.)

Thanks for inspiring me to take up some Yuna/Lulu stuff, since it's always been in the back of my mind and I've never written it, and thanks everybody for comments. :)

You pull off that bittersweet contrast so well throughout here, I think. Like in the line Oh, not that way, don't worry: Yuna's playing the virgin sacrifice so perfectly that all Spira is holding its breath for her to die the part. You can hear the bitterness in Lulu's words at the end here, the resentment, the tangle of emotions involved in watching Yuna die: she has too many fears of failing, but succeeding means loss, too, and so either way there's suffering to face. And the tone of the fic just slides, like that, from loving warmth to chill ugliness. And back again. It's like someone playing an instrument (btw, will never get that description of Rikku out of my head. Ever. Am happier that way. Such a beautiful way to describe loving someone).

I actually tend to have a bit of a thing for long hair, normally. But Lulu's hair is just so awesome no matter how she wears it.

(That's probably a good swap, actually.)

I keep having this idea niggling at me of Lulu giving herself to Yuna as a fayth, of the joy in that moment of bonding as she's summoned, of what it's like to be an aeon, to be boundless power and energy and manifestation of your innermost dreams, with your heart resting in the dictates of one you love so dearly. But it's sort of inappropriate; the Final Summoning would be anything but lovely, really. And yet it's such a beautiful image, and I keep wanting to find ways to play with it.

(Also, can I say, since I've previously been remiss in doing so, that She is dear to me in ways that make me fierce and proud and vulnerable. is just... such a simple line that gives me shivers every time I read it. Fierce and proud and vulnerable is exactly how I like my Lulu served. :)

That was awesome. Your Lulu is so beliavable, their relationship so deep and sweet and it's theirs alone. And, as a cosplayer, I'm a sucker for fanfiction that makes heavy use of a character's physical and costume details - the whole focus of this piece made me a happy person.Glad I stumbled here via the most random googling ever! I was looking for Pacce's artwork to show a friend, of all things. Looking forward to read more of your stuff once I'm past my exams.

Read some of your very, very old posts. I agree with basically all of your FFX musings and some of the X-2 ones, but... was I the only one who thought that Spira's political mess in X-2 was basically all Yuna's fault for not taking her responsibility as the only living authority people could look up to? She was speaking from the Grand Maester's seat at the end of FFX, wasn't she? I thought that was supposed to imply something. That, and that Shuyin's OMGDEEPHATRED that made people go mad and basically turned all of the Farplane in one big fiend farm was a teenager's whining for not having been able to commit genocide + his girlfriend didn't tell him she loved him before they died. In 1000 years of Sin, hadn't there been more... serious sufferings? Why is his so speeeecial?Pardon my big OT, but those posts made me think of my own old X-2 impressions, which I never quite had the chance to express to someone who actually knew the games. Feel free to ignore it (as well a the mistakes... English is not my mothertongue) XD First and foremost, I'm here to praise this fanfic. :) Again, great snippet.

I think the world design of X-2 was in general rather hurried and slipshod, but my impression is at least that Shuyin was older than Tidus. Why his ghost stuck around so long and made such a PITA of himself isn't really clear, but the archetype of the Unquiet Ghost Causing Havoc is an old one, and "why weren't there others? Why is he so especially cranky?" is probably a query that could be poked at other stories making use of the motif.

Interesting to point out that Yuna was speaking from the Grand Maester's box. In a way, she'd overthrown that government, and was speaking more as "one of the people, to the people," saying "let's do our own thing." Also, I do appreciate the fact that she'd sacrificed her whole life to Spira, even when much of Spira had actively or passively turned against her, and in some ways it was time for them to grow up and build their own world — Auron wasn't speaking to her in the singular when he said goodbye — just as Gandalf and Auron left once their job was done. Hasn't Yuna earned the chance to live as a private citizen? Plus, when all is said and done, she's only a very young person (then again, so is Baralai, it seems), hardly seasoned enough to lead a world-rebuilding program and invent a new government.

On the other hand she could have been a little more proactive in telling them the factioning was stupid. She did, eventually... but with a rock concert? C'mon, Square-enix. That was annoying. Yuna seems to have lost her sense of self and responsibility a little more than I can believe, in the sequel, although others more eloquent than I have argued on her behalf about her a) losing the life pattern as a summoner, and not knowing what to do without that overwhelming purpose/guide, and b) having a teenaged rebellious acting-out phase after the strain of the pilgrimage was over (not to mention as a way to deal with various losses, including Tidus).

Back to the little fanfic I posted: Squee! I'm NOT much of a clothes aficonado, yet people's possessions and attributes are such an important part of who they are — what you look like you can't control, but what you wear, how you do your hair, etc... those are all expressions of priorities (Lulu evidently takes the time to look stunning and not like anyone else), tastes, personality.

At any rate, I'm very, very pleased you dropped in out of the Google void! Please enjoy... I hope you stick around!

Woo look at me super late to the party. I thought I had left a comment on this one some time ago but I guess I did not.

I really love the comparison between the tightness of her hair and the confinement of her clothing, and the further analogy of all her belts to Yevon. (!) How all of it is both protective, restraining, and, subtly, punishment.

I also love this line: She is dear to me in ways that make me fierce and proud and vulnerable. You have an excellent sense of Lulu's voice. :)