March 14, 2014

Perhaps an aversion to “bossy” people–and a sensitivity to being perceived as “bossy”–is simply a corollary of that attraction to those who are “helpful.” As Benenson observes: “Girls’ and women’s friendships are intense and exclusive and strictly egalitarian, so no one gets ahead.”

But if boys have a natural affinity for hierarchy, that doesn’t mean they’re born leaders. Functioning in a hierarchical group requires the ability to follow as well as to lead–and such a group typically includes a lot more followers than leaders. Perhaps girls’ distaste for “bossiness” arises in part because they, more than boys, dislike being told what to do.

In which case, paradoxically enough, they may be put off by the imperative mood of the “Ban Bossy” campaign.

In my own observations as the father of two girls, the 'bossiness' meme concerning girls is advanced chiefly by other girls. I've certainly never used 'bossy' with respect to my girls or any other girls, but the term has gained currency among my girls anyway as a way of expressing when another girl has failed to fully cooperate in the play and is instead insisting on having her exclusive way. Thus, the playmate who always demands to lead the imaginative play and demands the right to assign roles to other girls is 'bossy'. By comparson, when I was a boy we naturally organized into armies and tried to hit each other with sticks. There was one girl who joined in this play who took up leadership of one of the armies, and no one ever called her bossy. Someone had to give orders and as is not unusual at that age before puberty, she was as big (or bigger) and quick as any of the boys. As an adult, I find that many women who are put into leadership positions overestimate how 'bossy'' bosses are expected to be. I've seen some women who are very very good in the role, and others who just never learned how to lead with the quiet confidence required. The same could be said of many men, but as percentage that at least seems less of a problem (laziness in leadership would I think be the more typical male problem, either that or the reverse of not deligating anything and trying to do everything alone).

In making my transition from a military officer to a stay-at-home mom, I got first-hand experience in being called "bossy". It is a term used almost exclusively by girls and women to degrade other females. BUT .... the issue is that it takes different techniques to manage groups of women than to manage groups of men. As an officer, when I said, "Do this", my subordinates (mostly men) did it. When I entered the civilian world and tried to run things in a "Moms Club", I used the same approach, and "bossy" was one of the nicer names I was given. After many failed attempts, I learned that women like to be ASKED to do things, and in a way that is understanding of how busy they are, and with many compliments sprinkled in. It's neither pleasant (for me) or efficient, but it has gotten the best results. Bottom line: women are poor followers, especially of other women.

If someone likes commanding others, to the extent they feel the need to create a campaign to make it forbidden to suggest this is other than a virtue, should that person be pursuing an office that falls under the category 'public servant?' Commander in Chief is not exchangeable for Queen.

If Hillary wanted to be a boss she should have gone into business. But then she'd have to present ideas that passed muster in the real world and just among academics.

Any man who has ever been married knows to tread very lightly when trying to tell a woman what to do.

I coached my wife's women's softball team in the late 70's. We were pretty darn successful, but I found out real quick you can't yell at women the way you can boys or men. Women will either cry or fuzz up and rain all over you. They can accept constructive criticism, but only when shared in a respectful way.

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