I’m sure you’ve heard about not comparing your child to another child. Every child develops differently and there is no way you can judge your baby’s development based on someone else’s baby.

So why do we do the same thing to ourselves? I have a friend who told me that breastfeeding was no problem for her at all. She never had any struggles and breastfed both of her children until they stopped on their own. It used to make me feel jealous and defensive to hear her talk about breastfeeding.

Then I realized that my journey is just as awesome. It’s different than hers. And it’s different than any other mother’s journey. It has been a roller coaster of emotions and problems from kicking formula supplements, to nursing aversion, to tandem feeding and breastfeeding while pregnant. I don’t see my breastfeeding journey with my boys as “problem free.” And I am proud of that now rather than jealous of others.

I have a unique story with my boys. We all do. No one’s story is more valuable than any other’s. This is one beautiful, crazy, messy life that I am proud to call my own and to share with my boys every day.

It’s worn out now, but this shirt used to say, “Human. Kind. Be both.” I think this is a good motto when going about life. I often see comments under breastfeeding posts (especially when the child is beyond infancy) that it’s “disgusting,” “ridiculous” or “inappropriate.” Listen up, these statements are subjective at best and totally insulting. You don’t get to hide behind “Well that’s just my opinion.” It’s not an opinion, it’s an insult. And you can take your insults and shove them. You are welcome to ask questions, we love to answer them and share our experiences. We are moms making decisions for our families just like you. It might not look the same as yours, but that doesn’t matter. And you should be capable of understanding that you are not in charge of anyone’s life but your own. We’ve got this. We promise.

My husband caught this slice of life today at the indoor festival. My littlest son was tired and overwhelmed. He asked to nurse so we sat and had a snack while he had mommy time and dozed off for a nap. My biggest son gave the hot dog a thumbs up. Just a couple years ago my biggest would have done the same thing, sought me out to nurse for comfort. But now he, like all the kids, has adjusted and finds comfort in other ways, like a hot dog or hug or just sitting and resting with the family. He is beautiful living proof that they all stop breastfeeding eventually, that breastfeeding beyond infancy does not cause bad habits or psychological harm and that even if left to breastfeed until they themselves decide to stop it will all happen sooner than you think and go by in a flash. And when the comes it will resemble a punch to the throat. Hold them close, badasses, there’s no need to rush it.

It’s Breastfeeding Awareness Month 2017 baby! And I am here to rant about things I cannot stand about breastfeeding! Why? Because this is hard. Breastfeeding is really hard! It’s magical and empowering and all that stuff but I need all you new parents and parents struggling right now to know that you will not like everything about breastfeeding. And that’s OK! We do a disservice to each other when we wash over the negative feelings that breastfeeding can bring us. We can find comfort and community in the tough things that we deal with just like with any other journey in life. It’s the secret to our success. So let’s get to it. 10 things I hate about breastfeeding!

If you ask any number of people on the internet the answer to this question is a resounding, “Yes!” I mean, “Can’t you use a cover?” “You should be more modest!” “Women should be more discreet.” “You need to do that in the bathroom.” “You just want attention!”

I get these comments all the time. I get them on the internet, that is, because no one yet has had the balls to say it to my face even if it’s what they were thinking. I read comments all the time such as, “You are such an attention whore!” “You are a narcissistic mother!” “You are just trying to show off.” “You just want people to look at you.” [Read more…]

I recently wrote a post called Common Toddler Breastfeeding Problems. In the comment section a woman asked me to write more about breastfeeding toddlers “because it can get really lonely.” That comment really stayed with me. I breastfeed an almost 3-year-old and almost 6-year-old. I have many friends and an online community who do the same so I don’t feel lonely all the time, but I certainly feel that way when I am not within that community. And I remember what it felt like when I had no mothering community at all. I didn’t even know another mother when I had my first son, Jack. [Read more…]

I have never been shamed for breastfeeding. But saying that I have never been shamed for breastfeeding is like saying that I have never been raped. It doesn’t really matter. I still live in fear of it. No, I don’t mean shuddering in fear and unable to live my life. I mean my behavior (and yours) is shaped by the experiences of other women. I don’t walk alone at night. I am always aware of my surroundings. I walk briskly through empty parking garages. I would never think of cutting down an alley at night. As a matter of fact, I won’t even do it during the day in my neighborhood. I have lived my whole life being shaped by a culture where women are brutally abused every single day, where the responsibility lies on me to not be victimized. [Read more…]

It’s happening. The exposure that women have given to their breastfeeding harassment is climaxing. Women have had enough of being verbally abused, called “disgusting,” and being kicked out of restaurants, doctors’ offices, court rooms, playrooms, public pools and stores. We are sick of being bullied by businesses, having photos deemed pornographic, being told that we should expect to be abused if we are going to do “that” in public/without a cover/near children/near husbands/past infancy/etc. Breastfeeders all over the world are shedding the cover and coming out of hiding. The world is feeling our power.

I recently thought I’d like to start watching a TV show. I don’t watch much, but thought it might be fun to get into something regularly (besides Seinfeld reruns). I tried a couple of those prime time dramas and every time I had to turn it off after 10 minutes and was left emotionally triggered the rest of the evening. It seems we’ve become completely desensitized to rape, murder, beating, blood, gore, etc. Some of the plot lines were so outrageous, so violent that my mouth literally hung open. It’s always the same cheesy lines, void of any human emotion and more excessive violence. Yet I regularly receive messages over social media that I’m, “gross,” “disgusting,” or “harming” my children in response to my breastfeeding or gentle parenting posts. Get a clue, people. What is harming our children? What is harming the world? Breastfeeding and co-sleeping? Or glamorized violence, violence in our neighborhoods, free-walking abusers, intolerance, hate and fear?