The Morning Conversations of Barack and Michelle Obama #31

March 7, 2012 - The Midnight Train to Georgia

A fictional (and satirical) account of the private morning conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama by Dexter Yarbrough. Number 31 in the series.

Michelle: Barack! Why is my aide waking me up at 3AM to meet you in the kitchen?

Barack: Well, it looks like we are having another early morning visitor.

Michelle: Oh, no! You are NOT doing this to me again! I was able to handle Herman Cain. But I almost opened up a can of whoop ass on Newt! Who is it now?

Barack: Mitt Romney...

Michelle: Oh, hell no!

Barack: ...called and asked to discuss the upcoming elections after his win last night.

Michelle: Well, go ahead and meet with him. He's coming to see you, not me.

Barack: That's the thing. He's bringing his wife, Ann, too.

Michelle: Oh, so because she is a woman and I am a woman, I need to entertain her? (hands on hips, neck snapping, eyes rolling)

Barack: Well, I was hoping...

Michelle: Why don't you entertain his wife and I talk politics with Willard?!

Barack: Willard?

Michelle: That's his name - Willard Mitt Romney! He was named after his father's best friend - J. Willard Marriott and his father's cousin - Milton "Mitt" Romney, who was a quarterback for the Chicago Bears.

White House Aide: Mr. President, Mrs. Obama - the Romney's are waiting in the Blue Room.

Barack: Thanks. C'mon and walk with me, Michelle. (gives her a kiss)

Michelle: Stop waking me up at 3 in the morning! How come these people can't meet you during regular hours?

Barack: You know why, Michelle! Someone may think it's a conspiracy or something!

(The Obama's enter the Blue Room)

Barack: Governor, Mrs. Romney - good to see you. My wife, Michelle.

Mitt: Good to see you, Mr. President! Mrs. Obama, it is so good to meet you! (handshakes all around)

Ann Romney: It is so nice to meet you, Mrs. Obama. Your hair is so pretty. Can I touch it?

(Michelle looks at Barack with an evil eye)

Michelle: It's nice to meet you both. Mrs. Romney, I am not a doll. No, you cannot touch my hair. But how about we tour around the White House? I'm sure we can find some things for you to touch.

Ann: (looks at Mitt nervously) Oh, sure. I would be happy to look around.

Mitt: Sorry, Mr. President. My wife hasn't been around too many people of color.

Barack: Yes, I see. Well, it's early Governor. Let's go to the White House kitchen and talk informally.

(In the White House kitchen)

Barack: So, what can I do for you Governor? Oh, and congratulations on your win last night.

Mitt: Thank you! We still have some work to do.

Barack: Yep. You can't seal the deal, Governor. What's up?

Mitt: it's just a matter of time. I know it is early, but I just wanted to talk about the upcoming race and to say let's not tear the nation apart with negativity. Let's keep the campaign clean.

Barack: Clean? So, when are you going to get on Rush Limbaugh for calling that young lady a slut? Politics is one thing, Governor, being nasty to an innocent young lady is another.

Mitt: Oh, so where were you and the Democrats when Bill Maher called Sarah Palin a.... I can't even say the word. But it rhymes with hunt.

Click to enlarge

Barack: Well, uh...

Mitt: See, this is what I mean, Mr. President. You all jump on the GOP for our missteps and dumb comments, but conveniently forget your own. Rush has apologized, but yet, you all are using this for political advantage. That is not right.

Barack: Mitt, the GOP has consistently used buzz words to bring attention to my race. The whole birther issue, saying I am not a real American. I mean, just recently, a sitting federal judge sent a nasty email about me - racially charged.

Mitt: And he apologized.

Barack: He shouldn't have sent it in the first place. The GOP always brings up Lincoln and how they supported black people during Reconstruction. Yet, today's GOP seems possessed with race - and the fact that a black man is the President.

Mitt: We have some extremists in the GOP. Yes. But the Democrats have been patronizing black citizens and others for years, Mr. President. I have driven through black communities. I was Governor of Massachusetts. My father was Governor of Michigan. Boston - Detroit, Mr. President. Some communities look just like they did back in the 60's, if not worse. I am a wealthy man. But as I look at those in my social circles, they are rich Democrats. Most have no clue about what gays, black people, Hispanics and working class or middle class people need or want. They just want control.

Barack: So, were you responsible for the ugliness that impacted the campaign of Herman Cain?

Mitt: Of course not! You and I both know that came from your camp, Mr. President!

Barack: I had nothing to do with it! I thought you did. You know, the whole Curse of Cain thing!

Mitt: What?

Barack: Yeah! I figured since Brigham Young and the Mormon church believed that God cursed the black race because Cain killed Abel, and Herman is the seed of Cain, you put the whammy on his campaign!

Mitt: Is that supposed to be funny, Mr. President?

Barack: (laughing) It is funny, Governor! Ha ha ha! Don't try and be high and mighty! You are a member of a church that, up until 1978, believed that black people were cursed because a brother killed another and because Ham, the son of Noah, laughed at his father's nakedness after having too much wine!

Mitt: True. Our church did believe those things, but we changed. And let me remind you that those same beliefs were taught in most of the major Christian denominations as well. Did you know that around the world, black people are joining our church in record numbers? Gladys Knight, the singer, is an honored member of our church!

Barack: Well, she needs to take a long, long ride on that Midnight Train to Georgia!

Mitt: Mr. President, I was hoping that we could take this contest to a more positive level. Perhaps that is not the case. Both my father and I have always been supporters of social rights. I just want what's best for the country.

Barack: I hear you Mitt.

Mitt: And let's not forget about some of the stuff that came out of your church and from your minister during those 20 years you were a member!

Barack: (clears his throat) Well, um, Mr. Governor, if you become the nominee, let's stick to the issues and present our cases to the American people.

Mitt: Do I have your word on that?

Barack: Of course! I am the President of the United States! (winks at Mitt)

(Michelle and Ann walk into the kitchen)

Michelle: Are the two of you done with your clandestine meeting? Ann and I would like to get some food and rest.

Ann: Oh, Mitt! I had such a wonderful time! Michelle is so beautiful. She, how do you say it, "schooled" me on so many things! Like, black people don't like for you to treat them like zoo animals, just because we are rich doesn't make us better, Brigham Young was wrong when he said that the black race has flat noses, and they all aren't shiftless, lazy and uneducated. Thank you, Mrs. Obama! I have got to stop watching YouTube and the news!

Michelle: (sarcastically) No problem, girlfriend. I have had some experience "schooling" folks since I have been here.

Mitt: Mr. President! After all that campaigning, winning and talking, I'm hungry!

Barack: I figured you would be hungry. I had our special chef, Tyrone, fix us up a special meal!

Ann: Oh, my goodness. I am so thrilled to eat here! What are we having?

Comments

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sending

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Yes! She is a Mormon! Thanks, Jo!

Jo_Goldsmith11

6 years ago

I didn't know Gladys was a mormon! wow. I just love these conversations. You can almost feel like you are the *fly on the wall* listening to what may really be happening. I wish you all the best and hope this goes global! What talent! Voted up and shared :)

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Hi Ghost! That line was pretty cool! Thanks!

Ghost32

6 years ago

Best line of all, Mitt's closer: "He must not be a Muslim--look at all this pork!"

More pork than that in Congress, of course...:)

Voted Up Plus.

Jim Higgins

6 years agofrom Eugene, Oregon

Yes she is! I will read more for sure!

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Hi Xstatic! Thank you so much. I hope you will check out the others! SanneL is wonderful!

Jim Higgins

6 years agofrom Eugene, Oregon

Really funny stuff, even-handed too! I saw that SanneL said you are great do had to check it out.

JT Walters

6 years agofrom Florida

Good Morning Dex,

You are up early. I loved it as I love all your work!!

JT

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Hi JT! Thanks so much! I am glad you liked it!

JT Walters

6 years agofrom Florida

Dex,

Absolutely hysterical. I love this one!!

Keep them coming.

JT

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Hi Girishpuri! Thank you!

Girish puri

6 years agofrom NCR , INDIA

Ha Ha Ha...hilarious, i like the conversation

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Hi Sharyn! I am so glad you enjoyed it! Thank you!

Sharon Smith

6 years agofrom Northeast Ohio USA

This was great Dexter!!! I love being that fly on the wall listening to their conversations. Awesome, creative work! Look forward to more and more!

Sharyn

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Hi RoseMay! Thank you so much! I am so glad you are enjoying it!

Rosemary Sadler

6 years agofrom Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

I agree this series just keeps getting better. 'Can I touch your hair' ROFL.

Gotta catch that train to Georgia, love it

Keep em coming, can't wait for the next one

Brilliant and UP

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Thanks, Eiddwen! Have a beautiful weekend!

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Hi Ian! I will see what I can do! Thanks!

Eiddwen

6 years agofrom Wales

Oh how I Loved this one;great work Dexter and keep them coming.

Take care and enjoy your day.

Eddy.

alian346

6 years agofrom Edinburgh, Scotland

To Lesley - no we're not proud of Mr Cameron! As you said - an Eton toff AND he's a Tory!! I love your comment.

Dexter - Lesley's idea about writing a converation about this is brill......................please!?

Ian from Scotland.

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Hi Lesley! Someone else mentioned the outing with Cameron. I will check it out. Thanks. I always appreciate your comments. Thanks so much!

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Hi Sueswan! It is always great to get a visit from you. I am thrilled you enjoyed it. Thanks!

Lesleysherwood

6 years ago

This is so much better than the 'real life' news. It rings a bell of truth. David Cameron is with him today, will you write a new conversation following that? Did you see Obama with David at the basketball game yesterday. David looked so out of place, he also looked very unhealthy and such an Eton toff (sorry David-the Brits are proud of you really lol) compared to the good-looking Obama and the basket ball commentator who I'm sure was standing on a box. Boy, I thought the president was tall.

Sueswan

6 years ago

Hi Dexter!

" Michelle: Stop waking me up at 3 in the morning! How come these people can't meet you during regular hours?"

Thanks, Mckbirdbks! Always a pleasure to have you comment! I really appreciate it!

mckbirdbks

6 years agofrom Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Hello Dexter. This series keeps getting better and better. Syndication I say!

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Hi Ian! Thanks for reading. I appreciate your kind remarks! In my series, let me direct you to numbers 14, 17 and 18. I think you will be more apt to relate to the humor with those. Let me know what you think!

Thanks again!

alian346

6 years agofrom Edinburgh, Scotland

This, Dexter, is brill. I don't get some of the jokes because I'm in Scotland but the satire shines. You are talented!

And there are 30 preceding this one? Boy, am I gonna have fun!!

Ian.

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Hi Lord! You are hilarious! Thanks for the great comments!

Joseph De Cross

6 years agofrom New York

Hehehe! Omg! Is this the prelude to December 21, 2012? The party might over soon then. Thanks for the chuckles!

LORD

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Patiently waiting!

Motown2Chitown

6 years ago

Dex, you have such a way of making a girl feel special! I'm slowly making my way back. :D

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Mo! I have been blessed with your presence today! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have so much fun writing this series. But mostly, in anticipation for a wonderful response from you!

Thank you so much for hanging in here with me! I am looking forward to you writing again, when you're ready!

Blessings, blessings, dear one!

Motown2Chitown

6 years ago

"...but when it comes to soul food..."

You never cease to amaze me, Dex. I love your stuff. The wit, the intelligence, and the punches packed by these satirical conversations make me think really hard about the state of our government, and the talent of our hubbers, especially yours.

Much love, brother.

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Hi AE! Thank you so much. I have thought about a book. Just a thought! Maybe I should seriously consider it, huh? I am so thankful for your kind words and the visit!

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Hi Dr. BJ! In that I am still new at this, I am proud to say that I have people like you to look to for for inspiration. I really appreciate your support and it does make me want to continue - and to improve. Thank you so very much!

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Hi Anglnwu! Thank you! I really put a lot of effort into this series. It really makes me happy to have people like you comment. It really does inspire me to write more. Thank you so much!

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Hi Jim! Man, I always look forward to your visits! Trust me, I have done the same thing - on my side and the touching of hair! Ha ha ha!!!

I wish more people would realize that we are more similar than different. I really appreciate your kind words and your friendship!

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Pop! Thank you so much! Yeah, it is time to poke fun at a really sad election cycle. Thanks, POP! I really appreciate you!

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Samsons! Thank you so much for visiting. I am glad you enjoyed it. Please do come back and read more!

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Hi Deborah! I am so glad you came by. Welcome, and please come back for more. Thank you!

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Hi AmyMarie! True, oh so true! Thank you so much for reading. I really appreciate your kind words. Please come back for more laughs!

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Hi Donna! What a pleasure it is to have you visit! The religion part was the most fun to create! Thank you!

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Hi Sunnie! Thank you. It is a pleasure to be blessed with your presence! If people would just sit down and have a really good meal, we could probably avoid some of the negative things that happen in the world!

I am so glad Momma Mar is proud of me!

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Hi Beth! I am so proud to be in the company of great writers of humor - and I am speaking of you. Your support and kind words mean very, very much to me! Thank you!

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Hi Chris! Thank you so much. I hope to see you back reading and commenting on some others!

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Hi Molometer! I really appreciate you, sir! Thank you so much! I am sure the Romney's are much better than what I portray. A little creative license, if you will!

Isn't Glady's beautiful?

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Will! I have a great inspiration (you) in which to model after! Thank YOU!!

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

GJFalcome! Ahhh yes, All in the Family is still the best situation comedy ever! Thank YOU for reading. I hope you take the time and read some of the others!

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Momma! You are the best Momma a son could have. Thank you so much for your support! You are the best!

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Hi Fpher! Compliments are always welcome! Ha ha ha!! Thank you so much. Yeah, this was a little overdue, huh? I have got to find more time to write. Especially if I am going to get kind remarks from you!

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Hi b. Malin! There is a pesky, secret government fly that gives me all the info I need! I try to be fair and balanced. I wish the real news folks would do so! Thank you!

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Hi Lady E! I do work in the WH. I am the special chef...and a good friend of Michelle's! :-) Thank You!

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Hi Cardisa! I don't know! This stuff just comes to me. I enjoy writing it. Glad you enjoy it. Thanks for EVERYTHING!

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Billybuc! Hello! Take your time and go through them at your leisure. Glad to have a man like you reading my stuff. It is an honor! Thank you!

AUTHOR

Dexter Yarbrough

6 years agofrom United States

Hi Sunshine! It is my pleasure. I love this series as much as you. Just wish I had more time to write! Thank you so very much for your support!

Ruby Jean Richert

6 years agofrom Southern Illinois

This was so much fun to read. You are a whiz at this. Have you thought about a book? The funniest part was the meal.LOL..HaHa..Loved it...

drbj and sherry

6 years agofrom south Florida

It's not easy to be fair to both sides, but you did a magnificent job of it, Dex, and managed to be humorous at the same time. No easy task. Loved your description of Michelle's body language and Ann's ingenuousness.

anglnwu

6 years ago

Way too funny. I love how you weave information into the story line. You brought the characters to life with the lively exchange and wry humor. Enjoyed the read very much and voted up.

TheManWithNoPants

6 years agofrom Tucson, Az.

(Laughing my ass off!) . This is by far is the best one you've ever done Dexter. "Can I touch it?" That's freaking hysterical. I met my first black friend in peewee football. I remember it like it was yesterday. I wanted to know everything. What made his skin black? Could he get freckles? Could he get sunburned? And finally ... "Could I touch his hair? I shit you not my brother! His name was Randy Kessler, and he was my best bud right into high school. When I left Texas, I lost contact with him and I found out a few years ago that he was killed in a motorcycle accident. That doesn't have much to do with anything, it just made me think of how goofy us white people can be at times.

You know how important it is to me for people to put skin color, ideologies, political parties and so on to the side long enough to solve problems. You do a great job through the use of humor to bring us together in order to look at ourselves and to laugh at our dumb ass selves.

jim

breakfastpop

6 years ago

The best thing about this election cycle is you! Up funny and oh so awesome.

Sam

6 years agofrom Tennessee

Pardon me while I catch my breath. Wonderful satire and most needed even if it is still serious business. Voted up, funny and interesting. Must catch up on previous installments. You go guy...

Deborah Neyens

6 years agofrom Iowa

This is the first one I've read in the series. Looks like I have some reading to do to catch up! Funny stuff.

amymarie_5

6 years agofrom Chicago IL

Funny! Glad to have gotten my morning chuckle. We all can get so serious and heated about politics but sometimes you just gotta laugh at it all. :)

Donna Cosmato

6 years agofrom USA

Too funny for words, Dexter! I loved the parts about religion the best:)

Sunnie Day

6 years ago

Oh my goodness..Dex..with southern cooking like that they should get along just fine!..haha Great hub filled with your great sense of humor..I have been waiting for a new one to come out..I saw you on my hub and thought I wonder?? Then WHOOP...there it was! lol:)Mama Mar is so proud! Hugs!

Have a great night..thanks for the smiles

Sunnie

Beth Perry

6 years agofrom Tennesee

Oh Dexter, this is the funniest one yet!!

Poor, poor Ann and Mitt. The sad part is I can honestly imagine a wealthy couple, who have never spent time outside of their cliks, never experiencing the deliciousness that is cornbread or black-eyed peas. Good grief. Now you have me hungry.

Voting up and thanks for posting!!

Chris16

6 years ago

I enjoyed every word of your delightful story. Where's your tip jar? I'll be back for more laughs and excellent story telling.

molometer

6 years agofrom United Kingdom

OMW I think Michelle is running the show by the looks of things.

Can I feel your hair lol. No really, come on. Are they really that retarded? (not PC) but jesus!

Great work Dexter. Keep it up.

Gladys was excellent as always.

Voted up, interesting, funny and very telling!

WillStarr

6 years agofrom Phoenix, Arizona

You get better all the time! Up and hilarious!

gjfalcone

6 years agofrom Gilbert, Arizona

Thanks for turning me on to your modern day version of All In the Family. I cringed while shaking my head with a smile. Well Done Sir!

Maria Jordan

6 years agofrom Jeffersonville PA

Now you have your Momma laughing and singing... you are the best and most talented son a gal could ask for...

Love you, Dex! Voted UP & FAB! Hugs, Momma Maria

Paula

6 years agofrom Beautiful Upstate New York

Dexter....Bout time!! Gosh, how I love your Michele. She's so damned believeable! I couldn't agree with Sunshine more...you just keep getting better and better! This one is a total hoot.

Right on Sista.........oh please ROFLMAO!

b. Malin

6 years ago

Hey where do you place the hidden camera Dexter? Another side splitting Hub... Love your Dry, Witty, Humor...You give it to both sides fairly... and with No Mercy. And it ends with such a Great Video. Thanks! Looking forward to the next installment.

Elena

6 years agofrom London, UK

Oh... these conversations are awesome. Dexter, I think you work in the White House, but write Hubs in your spare time. :)

I totally enjoyed this and it made me laugh too.

Cheers.

Carolee Samuda

6 years agofrom Jamaica

How do you come up with your ideas Dexter? They are wonderful and life like. I actually believe them and then I catch myself up and remember that you did say fictional...lol

oh oh, I clicked everything across!

Bill Holland

6 years agofrom Olympia, WA

Bravo! If this is a series I have a lot to catch up on. Glad I finally found you; Sunshine625 gets all the credit.

Linda Bilyeu

6 years agofrom Orlando, FL

Absolutely worth every minute of waiting for #31. Heck the Obama conversations are better than listening to pox news, oh wait I don't listen to them! She needs to take the Midnight Train to Georgia...too funny! You just keep on getting better...bring on #32, well when you get a chance. UP! Awesome! Smokin'! I got first comment too! :)

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