When Tila Tequila signed on to Celebrity Rehab 4, everyone thought, That makes sense, followed by, Now we finally get to find out what the hell she's on. Ambien, which she apparently snorts: "She would base her entire day around it. She would wake up, snort Ambien, google herself, do more, Twitter all day, and then sleep." Though Ambien insanity explains a lot about Tila's Twitter, the whole point of Ambiensanity is that, if you metabolize it at the slow, ingested speed, you can resist the gradual onset of sleep. But if you snort it, shouldn't you just hit the floor, snoring? Not so, says WikiAnswers:

Q: What happens when you snort Ambien?
A: When you snort ambien you fell a quick (mild) high. The rush will make you dizzy and will impair your vision and judgment. It's easiest to crush the pill down into 2 or 3 lines and snort them a few minutes apart. This eases you into the high.

To be honest, it's not the most pleasant buzz, you spend most of your time wishing you could see straight. Also when the buzz wears off after about 30 minutes or so, you tend to feel a little low, and wanna sleep.

That sounds unpleasant. In case you wondering, the above picture is of Tila arriving at the Maxim 100 party. [Radar, WikiAnswers, image via Getty]

Katy Perry on her relationship with Russell Brand: "I do feel like the new Brangelina." Minus the bitter ex-wife, years of philanthropy, wild pack of children, and untouchable hotness, of course. The Perry-Brand wedding will be "small because we have so much bigness going on in our lives." Gag. [E!]

Remember how Lindsay Lohan said she had a plane ticket and was going to fly back from Cannes, if only her passport weren't "stolen"? The D.A. told her to turn over the planet ticket to prove it. She did not. [Radar]

Cristiano Ronaldo, highest paid soccer star on the planet, is pissed that Vanity Fair put him on the cover "in tight underpants with rival player Didler Drogba." [Update: Turns out his name is Didier. But wouldn't it be funny if it was Diddler?] Mostly, this item is an excuse to remind the world that "[Cristiano] likes his body to be smooth all over and would even use a hair-removal cream. He would also use tubs of moisturizer, coating every part of his body... His house is full of mirrors so he's always walking around glancing at himself." [P6]

The Hoff has been hospitalized again. David Hasselhoff's 17-year-old daughter Hayley took him to the hospital after an alleged three-day binge-drinking bender. His daughters get stuck putting up with so much shit. [Radar]

Miley Cyrus is not going to college. Not that anyone expected her to, but here's her rationale: "I am a firm believer that you can go back at any age you want, because my grandma went back to college at 62 years old." [PopCrunch]

On a flight from North Carolina to Fort Lauderdale, Dennis Rodman was "obsessively counting $100 bils stuffed in a carry-on bag" and "nervously chewing on a red straw." Uh oh, guys. Dennis Rodman is a drug mule. (Kidding! It was "left over from partying." It's like how normal people bring extra quarters when they go to the arcade. Rich people bring wads of $100 bills when they go, well, anywhere.) [P6]

Jesse James' porn star ex-wife wants 50-50 custody of her daughter (Jesse got full custody when the ex went to jail, back when Sandra was still picture) but can't afford a lawyer, so she's suing. But she can't afford a lawyer so she asked Jesse to spot her. [TMZ]

A newly single Joe Jonas says of ex-girlfriend Demi Lovato, "I love her as a friend." When you've been dumped, there is no phrase more irksome than "love" qualified with "as a friend." [People]