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Long Distance BFFs: How To Maintain One Of The Most Important Relationships In Your Life!

So I’m going to get a little deep, I hope that’s okay. This is a topic near and dear to my heart! With International Women’s Day, MY OWN AMAZING BFFs, and because I’M OBSESSED with the show GIRLS (it’s on HBO, SERIOUSLY GO WATCH!), I feel inspired to talk about this. Girl friendships are complex, but can be one of the most beautiful and rewarding gifts we have in this world. They enrich, inspire and empower you! They can mold you, shape you and influence you into the person you become. How extraordinary is it to have someone to order a large cheese pizza with and sit on the couch, with no pants and no judgement? To drag to a lame party they REALLY aren’t excited about, just so you can talk to the boy you’ve been obsessing over? Someone to talk about the Illuminati with and debate other dumb conspiracies that don’t even really matter? Who has received numerous pictures of all your shoe-to-outfit combinations because you just need a second opinion? Someone to answer your call at 3 AM when you’re crying over an unworthy boy? Someone to biotch about your job, your boss, your boyfriend, your family? Someone who knows the name of all of your co-workers and all the things that bother you about them, even though they’ve never met anyone you work with? A companion who understands your silence and your words. I feel lucky that as girls, we get to have these unapologetic, deep, soul-touching friendships.

The hard part comes just like anything else, with age. You move, get jobs, start relationships, life happens. Sometimes, you can feel the once constant everyday presence of your BFF fade and slip away, like sand through your fingers. It’s heart breaking, but life doesn’t come with an instruction manual, and try as you might, things still change. When this happens you can either become bitter and resentful, or understanding and loving. It’s your choice. I, unfortunately, have been both. Resentful of new friends and new lives, and let me tell you, that only furthers the gap. Although it’s immature, we are all human and all anyone can do is try to be better. Here’s the thing, there is only one you! Let your BFF grow and expand into new friends. No one can take away your past and just because things are different, it does not mean that they love you any less or that you are no longer best friends. I said I was lucky before, because surprisingly, I still talk to most of my best friends from high school on a daily, weekly, or bi-weekly basis. It takes work to maintain these friendships as you get older, and to find a new normal. But I have some tips to stay in the know, and to stay connected to your BFF!

Be INTENTIONAL: This is probably the most important thing. When you make plans, follow through. When you say you’re going to call in an hour, call in an hour! You have to be intentional, because things WILL get in the way! With that being said, it brings me to my next point.

BeUNDERSTANDING: You love your BFF and you want her to be the very best version of herself. Sometimes that means letting her grow and understanding life gets in the way. Instead of being passive aggressive (guilty), if she doesn’t call you back when she said, meet her with understanding and love. Life happens, remember that.

Turn their Instagram Notifications On: Social media is perfect for staying in touch! For instance, I have my best friend’s Instagram posts set to alert me! So every time they post, I get a reminder. This helps me tremendously! It keeps me in the know and always makes me smile to see what they’re up to! Personally, I always leave a comment too!

SCHEDULE Phone Dates: Time Zones are the enemy of long distance relationships. With work and significant others, you have to find your sweet spots. For instance, a few of my BFFs and I have a 2 hour time difference. This makes things a little difficult when I go to call her at 9 AM my time! Find a time that matches both of you! Last, but not least:

Be mindful of their Schedule: I’m not going to call my BFF with a 9-5 in the middle of her work day! Be respectful of the lives that they are building!

I hope you got some useful information out of this and if you live near your BFFs, don’t take it for granted!

2 Comments

gosh i love this so much and its so so true. ive learned so much about intentionality and perseverance in friendship from you torr. you are a great example of that for us all! i love you and look forward to a life time of friendship regardless of zip code and life stages 🙂