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Dear Attitude,

I split up with my boyfriend of 14 years in June. It was tough at first but it was a long time coming and I had some time to prepare. Now, though, I find myself alone at Christmas, in my mid-40s and I’m really not looking forward to this time of year.

I am going to my parents where we always used to go and it will be full of reminders. I love seeing my sister and her kids but I can’t help but feel very lonely and like a bit of a failure. My friends are all telling me to meet someone new on dating apps but I’m not the kind of guy that wants to wade through pictures of genitals to try and make contact with people. It’s not my scene.

I’m feeling bitter and resentful about it all and feel like flying off on holiday on my own to the sun – but that will really upset my parents to whom family Christmases mean a lot. I know I will only take my loneliness with me. I’m scared I’ll have one wine too many and either burst into tears or start an argument. What should I do?

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In a world exclusive first magazine cover shoot, Years and Years singer Olly Alexander tells us about his amazing rise to the top of the charts, his struggles with depression – and dealing with heartache as he splits up from his boyfriend, clean bandit’s Neil Amin-Smith. Inside, our review of the year looks at the most records, films and TV programmes that have shaped your year. We interview the gay owners of the controversial Cereal Killer Café, meet four amazing trans men set to redefine trans awareness and meet a man who is fighting back against the gentrification of the gay scene. Plus fashion, film, fitness and everything you’d expect from a regular issue of Attitude.