Quiz: Howstuffworks

Are You a Cool Mom?

Zoe Samuel

Image: Stanislaw Pytel / DigitalVision / Getty Images

About This Quiz

"I'm not a regular mom, I'm a cool mom!"

These words, spoken by Amy Poehler's tragic tryhard mom character in "Mean Girls", are not an endorsement of the character. They're an iconic description of a sort of woman who lives vicariously through her kids and doesn't dare parent them because she'd rather be their friend so that she can feel young again. The character is a "cool mom," in quotes - and as everyone knows, if you have to tell people you're cool, you aren't.

Are there any actual cool moms out there? The answer depends on how you define cool. There are some moms who are up to date on trends, always show up looking fabulous and remain incredibly put-together despite the rigors of parenting. They have their own goals and careers, they are still highly present in their kids' lives, and their children even privately admit they want to be like them when they grow up. These are alpha moms, and they are indisputably cool. There are other moms who are cool by virtue of not buying into the mommy wars and not being overbearing. They mostly work, but not too hard. However, they can slip into being a smidge neglectful in their efforts not to helicopter their kids, which is very uncool.

There are other moms who treat parenting like a competitive sport. Perhaps they had a career but it's gone now, and all that ambition is now poured into their children. Calling them cool would be a terrible insult to them; they are not here to be your friend, they don't care what's cool, and no, you may not stay out past curfew on a school night!

Which of these moms are you? Let's find out!

How do you check that your kids did their homework?

I sat with them as they did it.

I ask and they know better than to lie.

I don't expect them to.

I don't. If they didn't do it, they will face consequences and learn.

Do you take evenings off just to be yourself?

Never!

Once a week, yes

Rarely

Sure, whenever I want

Do your kids secretly think you're kinda cool?

No.

I think actually yes, which is weird to me, but hey, I like it!

I hope so!

Yes, somewhat

Are you involved in things like the PTA and the local community?

Yes, of course. This is my duty.

Only a little. I am very busy.

Of course. I am one of the most powerful moms.

Nah. They're full of joiners.

What's your typical non-workday uniform?

Slacks and a pristine blouse

Jeans and a T-shirt or tank

A slinky dress and heels

Maxi dress

How often do you hang out one-on-one with each of your kids, just to have fun?

Every couple months

We have a special night every week that alternates between them

Whenever they'll let me!

Probably more than once a week

How do you feel about the "mommy wars"?

I will win them for the career women.

I try not to get sucked in. I just want to do me, you know?

They're very important and I am fighting for the housewives.

They're so dumb. I don't care about them.

Who else does child care for your kids?

No one! I am their mom!

Lots of people - grandparents, neighbor, nanny, day care, and of course their father does his equal share.

I do most of it but also have nannies.

Their dad, other relatives

How old were your kids when they were able to make their own breakfast and dress themselves?

I still do those things for them even though they know how.

4

12

8

Do you get guilt when you spend money on yourself?

No. I earn the money. It is mine.

No. I have a budget for stuff for me and stick to it.

Of course! That's selfish.

Not as long as I get something for my kids, too.

What do you wear on the school run?

A nice wrap dress

The suit I'm wearing to work

A fabulous frock, heels, full makeup

Whatever I put on after I fell out of bed

When your kids are being bratty, what do you do?

Discipline them severely

Ignore them. I don't reward that nonsense.

Try to placate them with money and gifts

Go someplace else for a while

Do you say, "No" when it needs saying?

I say it all the time. That is when it needs saying.

Sure, mostly

I never say it. That's bullying.

Once in a while

What is your go-to punishment?

Shutting them in a room with nothing in it, plus spanking, and rapping on the knuckles with a ruler

Timeout and loss of privileges like screen time

I don't have one.

To the extent that I have one, it's grounding.

If you found out your 16-year-old vandalized property, what would you do?

Punish them very severely

I would encourage their artistic ability.

Honestly, I'd freak out and shout a lot, then say I hope they didn't get hurt.

They're kids. What are you gonna do?

Do you describe your children as your best friends?

Of course not

No. We're friendly and close but not friends.

Of course!

Sometimes

How much of a life outside your children and husband do you maintain?

I have a very high-powered career, but absolutely all my other time is for them.

I have a successful career and some hobbies.

None at all

A healthy one where I work enough and play enough

At what age should a child have their own phone?

Only once they go to college

Not until middle school and even then, they can't take it into their room until they're 15

5

8

Would you let your child pierce their ears?

Of course not

Only age 8 or older

Sure, whenever they want

I pierced their ears for them when they were a baby.

How much do you worry over decisions you make as a mom?

Not at all. I am doing the right thing.

A healthy amount, I think

Constantly

Probably less than I should

How is your relationship with your mom?

She did her duty by me and I will honor her by doing mine.

Very good

Erratic

Non-existent

During a normal day, what percentage of the things you say to your child are requirements, advice or instructions?

90% or higher

About 30%

10% or lower

25% or so

How strict is bedtime in your house?

It's not negotiable.

It's strict on schoolnights only.

There is no bedtime.

Generally I don't enforce it very hard, but it exists.

If your child finishes eating before everyone else, can they leave the table?

No, they will wait for us.

If they ask nicely

Of course. I'm not a fascist.

We don't eat at a table together

What's your position on "The Talk" (AKA the birds and the bees)?

We will discuss it when they are 14 and ready.

We have a series of age-appropriate talks throughout their childhood, so they know they can ask me anything.

I constantly ask them to talk to me and share my old stories so they know I'm human like them.

We are an open household where all things are discussed in all ways at all times.

Be honest: Do you sometimes live vicariously through your kids' achievements?

Yes. I have my own, too, but theirs are very important.

Once in a while, but I know it's wrong.

Of course. What else is there?

Nah, I have a life

If your child said they weren't going to college, how would you feel about that?

I would disown them.

I would have patience for a year or two, and am totally open to alternative plans like trade schools and apprenticeships.

I would be mortified and also totally taken by surprise.

That's their choice, man. I just live here.

Do you know the names of your children's teachers?

Of course. I have them memorized, along with their emails and phone numbers.

Mostly

Of course, we're friends!

I don't even know what they look like.

Does your child get an allowance?

Not until they are 16 and need one

Yes, but there are a couple strings attached.

Sure! No strings attached!

No, but they can ask me for money whenever they want something. I usually say yes.

If your child disagrees with you on a big moral question, how do you resolve it?

They will have to learn to behave better.

We agree to disagree and I hope they change their mind.

I try to understand their side, and shut up about mine.

That's life. It doesn't need resolving.

Sponsored Links

About HowStuffWorks Play

How much do you know about dinosaurs? What is an octane rating? And how do you use a proper noun? Lucky for you, HowStuffWorks Play is here to help. Our award-winning website offers reliable, easy-to-understand explanations about how the world works. From fun quizzes that bring joy to your day, to compelling photography and fascinating lists, HowStuffWorks Play offers something for everyone. Sometimes we explain how stuff works, other times, we ask you, but we’re always exploring in the name of fun! Because learning is fun, so stick with us!

Get smarter every day! Subscribe & get 1 quiz every week.

Playing quizzes is free! We send trivia questions and personality tests every week to your inbox. By
clicking "Sign Up" you are agreeing to our
privacy policy and confirming that you are 13
years old or over.