Holy Sh*t! Lifetime's Rebooting Flowers In The Attic

By
Anna Breslaw

Jul 25, 2013

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I don't know how common this is — I'm pretty sure it's ubiquitous among smart, slightly Gothy pre-teen girls coming of age in the late '90s — but my V.C. Andrews phase began when I came across a dusty copy of Flowers In The Attic on my aunt's bookshelf. It had everything an awkward, curious 13-year-old with above-average reading skills could want: Lies, sex, incest, twins, cookies with arsenic poisoning, incest, and a dude with a cool mustache.

I read it at least three times, and it was a gateway drug to the rest of the books (I will always maintain that the sequel, Petals On The Wind, was better than Flowers. Exotic male ballet dancer husbands with names like "Julian Marquet," HOLLA). A movie had been made with Kristy Swanson, Victoria Tennant and some other B-list stars, but it was too hokey and dated to appeal to me. Chris, Cathy and co. weren't cheesy! They were beautiful and tragic and doomed and psuedo-Victorian. (Not to mention an excellent excuse for my dysfunctional dating life now that I'm a 26-year-old adult.)

Good news for other girls who grew up with their nose buried in V.C. Andrews books: Deadline reports that Flowers In The Attic is getting a reboot on Lifetime. Heather Graham will play Corinne, the four Dollanganger kids' neglectful, selfish MILF, and the amazing Ellen Burstyn will play their terrifying, God-fearing grandma.

Do you think if we launch a Kickstarter petition to cast Elle and Dakota Fanning as Cathy and Carrie Dollenganger, Lifetime/the Lord will hear our prayers? It would be so effing PERFECT. Okay, done geeking out now. Carry on.