Mission Critical legal document

You know all those license agreements and legal docs that come with software... they are usually so dry and boring that you fall asleep after the third line or they are so hard to understand that even an undergraduate at Harvard would have problems reading it...

The makers of the game Mission Critical however got some real funny stuff in theirs... enjoy

Quote:

LEGAL STUFF

We appreciate your purchasing a license to use our product, and we wantyou to feel good about that purchase. Unfortunately, our lawyers haveforced us to put some rather obnoxious verbiage here. Fortunately, allof our competition puts the same stuff in their manuals. Some of thethings written below may appear to be outrageous and unconscionable.But then, so are our lawyers. (Q: Why should lawyers wear lots ofsunscreen when vacationing at a beach resort? A: Because they're usedto doing all of their lying indoors.)

1. Limited Warranty. This manual and the related software productare sold "AS IS," without warranty as to their performance. Wait a minute!You mean that if the program does not have a happy ending, I do not get mymoney back? ...Yes. We have probably already spent your money to keep ourprogrammers in pizza anyway. Here comes some more legalese to try to naildown that concept.

The entire risk as to the quality and performance of the computer softwareprogram is assumed by the user. However, Legend Entertainment Companywarrants for a period of 90 days to the original purchaser that the mediumon which the software is recorded is free from defects in material andworkmanship. If during that period ending 90 days from purchase a defectshould become apparent, return the disk to Legend or your dealer andLegend will replace the disk without charge to you. Your sole andexclusive remedy in the event of a defect is expressly limited toreplacement of the disk as provided above. This warranty gives youspecific legal rights and you may also have other rights which varyfrom state to state. (NOTE: After the warranty period, a defectivedisk may be returned to us with a check or money order for $7.50 U.S.and we will replace it.)

THE WARRANTIES SET FORTH ABOVE ARE IN LIEU OF ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS ORIMPLIED, INCLUDING ANY IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESSFOR ANY PARTICULAR PURPOSE. SOME STATES DO NOT ALLOW LIMITATIONS ON HOWLONG AN IMPLIED WARRANTY LASTS, SO THE ABOVE LIMITATION MAY NOT APPLY TOYOU. IN NO EVENT SHALL LEGEND ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY OR ANYONE ELSE WHOHAS BEEN INVOLVED IN THE CREATION OR PRODUCTION OF THIS COMPUTER SOFTWAREPROGRAM BE LIABLE FOR DIRECT, INDIRECT, SPECIAL, OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGESARISING OUT OF USE OF THIS SOFTWARE OR ANY BREACH OF THE WARRANTY SETFORTH ABOVE. SOME STATES DO NOT ALLOW THE EXCLUSION OR LIMITATION OFINCIDENTAL OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES, SO THE ABOVE LIMITATION MAY NOT APPLYTO YOU. For example, you may be playing our game when a friend passingby is distracted by some of the graphics. He walks into a floor lamp.The lamp falls over, scaring your cat. The cat streaks from the room,upsetting a heater which sets some curtains afire. Unfortunately, it isa windy day and the fire is soon out of control. Three days later Chicagois still ablaze. If we took out an insurance policy against such remotecontingencies, we would have to charge $1599.99 for the game, and youwould not be reading this lame copy. Anyway, we do not assume liabilityfor things like this, even if the city is a small one like Muleshoe,Texas.

2. Copyright. This manual and the related software product arecopyright , 1995, by Legend Entertainment Company. All rights arereserved. This document may not, in whole or part, be copied, reproduced,plagiarized, or otherwise ripped off without our express consent (whichwe are not going to give). The money you spent on this product purchaseda license to use it (check your other software; almost no software issold these days). The scope of the license is to make such copies asare reasonably necessary for your personal use. You do not have theright to give copies to your friends (or enemies). Unreasonable copyingand/or distributing of this product is a violation of law. The U. S.Copyright Act provides for statutory damages of up to $50,000 for willfulinfringement of a copyright. Giving copies of our software to yourfriends is an infringement. GOTCHA! Now that you know that unauthorizedcopying is an infringement, if you do so it will be willful, and you canbe nailed for some big bucks if we catch you.

I once saw a funny EULA like that. It mentioned somewhere that they wern't responsible if bad things happened like your pets died or something like that. I also know that the Spybot Search and Destroy EULA has some funny things in it.

OK, let's be honest. You didn't really read the EULA. How do I know? Because hardly anyone does. To prove that point, PC Pitstop included a clause in one of its own EULAs that promised anyone who read it, a "consideration" including money if they sent a note to an email address listed in the EULA. After four months and more than 3,000 downloads, one person finally wrote in. That person, by the way, got a check for $1,000 proving, at least for one person, that it really does pay to read EULAs.

OK, let's be honest. You didn't really read the EULA. How do I know? Because hardly anyone does. To prove that point, PC Pitstop included a clause in one of its own EULAs that promised anyone who read it, a "consideration" including money if they sent a note to an email address listed in the EULA. After four months and more than 3,000 downloads, one person finally wrote in. That person, by the way, got a check for $1,000 proving, at least for one person, that it really does pay to read EULAs.