Good morning jpay family, I need some advise and some encouragement as well as prayers. Im going to try to tell this story in the shortest version possible with all important details...Yesterday I was riding high on happy and encouraging emotions...my daughter who had a really rough year last year is having a wonderful year this year. she is passing her classes and was invited to travel to Japan next summer. My son is doing great in school, the teacher said he is one of the top students in his class and he is reading on 2nd grade level and she is happy with his work. The best part is that heart and mind are both on the same page for once in my life and me and my babe are truly in love! I have never been so in love with him after all these years and now we are vibing as if we just met all over again! This time it feels perfect! I am happy! Very happy! I was on cloud nine yesterday until I got home. My daughter is my biggest support person. Its been me and her against it all forever. She is 16 and has seen the ups and downs of everyday life. She babysits and cooks and cleans the house (helps out). She is a good kid trying really hard and I respect her opinons. Well when I have to go to school or if the kids are off the on the same day she wathces my son who is 6yrs old. So I find out that this Friday my son doesnt have school and she does. So we were talking about what I was going to do for babysitting. Well she says take off Friday instead of Monday (which is the day I am going to visit my babe) and watch your son and dont go to the prison. Well fyi she has known my babe since before she was born and she went on consistent visits until she was about 5 and then periodically after that) He has always been good to her and she used to (I thought) like him. So I asked her what is her feelings and why doesnt she want me to visit him? This has been happening for a while. When he calls she has a look like "y are you so happy". When I stalk the mailbox she is the same. So I told her that I love him and he has been nothing but good to us and Im going to love who I want to love and if you dont like it too bad. So I went to class and she texted me and said its not that she doesnt like him, its that she never liked when we would kiss on the visits. Okay! I didnt respond because I didnt know what to say and I didnt know how to say something without being mean. When I came home she asked did i get her text and I said yes and left it like that. I do understand that kids feel a certain way about that kind of thing however Im not sure why this is still bothering her when she has had a boyfriend and understands intimacy. I have alot in my head right now but I rather hear what you all have to say. .(FYI he is NOT the father.) Then this morning my sons school bus was extremely late 45 mins late and they gave me a runaround, but I am on that ASAP! I think I can handle that one...lol!! Please should I tell him about it, what should i say to her, what do I do? So confused and hurt and.....lost....help!!!

10-06-2010, 11:34 AM

mary316

My daughter is the same way about David. She doesn't understand why I'm with him. She thinks I can do so much better, and there's something about him she doesn't like. I would just ask your daughter what it is that bothers her. Is it just a teenage phase, or is there something about him she doesn't like? Sounds like you and her are tight, so just talk to her and get her opinion. Then when you go see him, ask him how he feels about her without telling him that she has concerns. Kids are our first priority. Then just think about it, and see if you can't come to some sort of compromise between the two if needed. These relationships are very difficult. I'm glad other things are going so well for you. God Bless.

10-06-2010, 11:43 AM

BGsGirl

I don't have any kids, but my family doesn't understand why I'm with my man either.

10-06-2010, 11:45 AM

Rocky Jackson

Quote:

Originally Posted by mysoulmate

Good morning jpay family, I need some advise and some encouragement as well as prayers. Im going to try to tell this story in the shortest version possible with all important details...Yesterday I was riding high on happy and encouraging emotions...my daughter who had a really rough year last year is having a wonderful year this year. she is passing her classes and was invited to travel to Japan next summer. My son is doing great in school, the teacher said he is one of the top students in his class and he is reading on 2nd grade level and she is happy with his work. The best part is that heart and mind are both on the same page for once in my life and me and my babe are truly in love! I have never been so in love with him after all these years and now we are vibing as if we just met all over again! This time it feels perfect! I am happy! Very happy! I was on cloud nine yesterday until I got home. My daughter is my biggest support person. Its been me and her against it all forever. She is 16 and has seen the ups and downs of everyday life. She babysits and cooks and cleans the house (helps out). She is a good kid trying really hard and I respect her opinons. Well when I have to go to school or if the kids are off the on the same day she wathces my son who is 6yrs old. So I find out that this Friday my son doesnt have school and she does. So we were talking about what I was going to do for babysitting. Well she says take off Friday instead of Monday (which is the day I am going to visit my babe) and watch your son and dont go to the prison. Well fyi she has known my babe since before she was born and she went on consistent visits until she was about 5 and then periodically after that) He has always been good to her and she used to (I thought) like him. So I asked her what is her feelings and why doesnt she want me to visit him? This has been happening for a while. When he calls she has a look like "y are you so happy". When I stalk the mailbox she is the same. So I told her that I love him and he has been nothing but good to us and Im going to love who I want to love and if you dont like it too bad. So I went to class and she texted me and said its not that she doesnt like him, its that she never liked when we would kiss on the visits. Okay! I didnt respond because I didnt know what to say and I didnt know how to say something without being mean. When I came home she asked did i get her text and I said yes and left it like that. I do understand that kids feel a certain way about that kind of thing however Im not sure why this is still bothering her when she has had a boyfriend and understands intimacy. I have alot in my head right now but I rather hear what you all have to say. .(FYI he is NOT the father.) Then this morning my sons school bus was extremely late 45 mins late and they gave me a runaround, but I am on that ASAP! I think I can handle that one...lol!! Please should I tell him about it, what should i say to her, what do I do? So confused and hurt and.....lost....help!!!

As you know me, take your time and pray!!! Our daughter felt like that, but remember, they are teen-agers with mix feelings and emotions. I allowed our daughter time to look at herself plus allowing her to come to my husband on her own, when she feel like it;) My husband may not be the greatest man to many, but he is my ''Everything'' and for that I respect anybody opnions or views when it comes to my husband. Everything is still ok in your life, these things occur. There is no 100% marriage or family on the earth. But, we keep striving through the good and bad that set the tone for endurance. I understand, just be patient with her and understand her feelings also. That can be concord and achieved, if you believe. Take care, ''Rockyj'' Ay, You know you can PM if you want to;)

10-06-2010, 11:54 AM

alexandra82

Quote:

Originally Posted by mysoulmate

Good morning jpay family, I need some advise and some encouragement as well as prayers. Im going to try to tell this story in the shortest version possible with all important details...Yesterday I was riding high on happy and encouraging emotions...my daughter who had a really rough year last year is having a wonderful year this year. she is passing her classes and was invited to travel to Japan next summer. My son is doing great in school, the teacher said he is one of the top students in his class and he is reading on 2nd grade level and she is happy with his work. The best part is that heart and mind are both on the same page for once in my life and me and my babe are truly in love! I have never been so in love with him after all these years and now we are vibing as if we just met all over again! This time it feels perfect! I am happy! Very happy! I was on cloud nine yesterday until I got home. My daughter is my biggest support person. Its been me and her against it all forever. She is 16 and has seen the ups and downs of everyday life. She babysits and cooks and cleans the house (helps out). She is a good kid trying really hard and I respect her opinons. Well when I have to go to school or if the kids are off the on the same day she wathces my son who is 6yrs old. So I find out that this Friday my son doesnt have school and she does. So we were talking about what I was going to do for babysitting. Well she says take off Friday instead of Monday (which is the day I am going to visit my babe) and watch your son and dont go to the prison. Well fyi she has known my babe since before she was born and she went on consistent visits until she was about 5 and then periodically after that) He has always been good to her and she used to (I thought) like him. So I asked her what is her feelings and why doesnt she want me to visit him? This has been happening for a while. When he calls she has a look like "y are you so happy". When I stalk the mailbox she is the same. So I told her that I love him and he has been nothing but good to us and Im going to love who I want to love and if you dont like it too bad. So I went to class and she texted me and said its not that she doesnt like him, its that she never liked when we would kiss on the visits. Okay! I didnt respond because I didnt know what to say and I didnt know how to say something without being mean. When I came home she asked did i get her text and I said yes and left it like that. I do understand that kids feel a certain way about that kind of thing however Im not sure why this is still bothering her when she has had a boyfriend and understands intimacy. I have alot in my head right now but I rather hear what you all have to say. .(FYI he is NOT the father.) Then this morning my sons school bus was extremely late 45 mins late and they gave me a runaround, but I am on that ASAP! I think I can handle that one...lol!! Please should I tell him about it, what should i say to her, what do I do? So confused and hurt and.....lost....help!!!

Hang in there sister! You said she had a problem with the kissing thing...maybe she just feels funny to see her parent kiss someone. Alot of teens think theyre parent(s) have no intimacy and think its "eww" when it is displayed. Just talk with her about it...and remind her you are the adult and will make your own decisions but that your respect and consider her feelings as well. Pray about it and it well get better for you...Good Luck ((Hugs))

10-06-2010, 12:20 PM

mysoulmate

Thank you all ladies!! I knew I would get good advise about this!! You all have lifted my spirits!! Thanks again!! Prayers are definately going up!!!

10-06-2010, 12:49 PM

josh'sbaby

im witht he ladies on this one give her time, from the sounds of it your man has been locked up since she was really little so she probably dont know what its like to see you intimate and dotn know how to react to her mom getting giddy about her relationship, from personal experience my parents divorced when i was 5 my mom got with a new guy but were never really in love or showed any intimacy they split up when i was about 16 or 17 and she fell in love with anoter man, well ofcourse it was a new relationship so they had lots of affection to display lol, it was wired and i didnt like it i felt like dang really your "old" should you not act like that lol, but it was just young thoughts and now im older i do relize intamacy does not depend on age, so just giver her time to figure it out on her on good luck

10-06-2010, 01:19 PM

Yogi_Kai

Namaste,

It sounds like your daughter may consider herself to be somewhat like the parent (there is a word for that, but for some reason it escapes me at the moment) rather than the child. When children take on a great deal of responsibility within the household-usually the oldest child- there is a tendency for them to behave as a parent would, often forgetting that the true parent has a bit of experience behind them. It may be this that is being triggered by your affection for an inmate. (I said it that way on purpose. In her world, chances are that being in love with an inmate isn't something one would want their daughter to do.) Most likely, she hears how her friend's mothers would have a fit if THEY were to see an inmate romantically. It is possible that you are just hearing from her what is being taught to her in school-but not by the teachers.

One thing I can plainly see is a concern and a love for you. When you speak to her about this (perhaps reminding her that you are an adult and her mother) that you do so gently and with full understanding that she wouldn't care if she didn't care. She is trying to the be the supporting daughter she has always been, she's just gotten a little off-track. All relationships need a nudge into a new direction from time to time.

May these words be of benefit.

10-06-2010, 03:27 PM

onajaysfiancee

Agrees with the ladies ... have a one on one with her most kids don't like to see there parents be intimate in any way I know I didn't it may have made her uncomfortable and she may have held on too those emotions. Even tho.she never expressed it ... I know I use to go off and be upset ... I don't want my mom.with anyone And she and my dad has been together forever ... lol ....

Good luck tho I hope you work it ...Posted via Mobile Device

10-06-2010, 03:34 PM

mysoulmate

I thank everyone for their input...I am going to talk to her and see how it goes! I guess I just expected her to love him as easy as I did. I was pregnate with her when we first met and he held her more than her bio father did...I guess its just a conversation we need to have now since she has brought it up! This could be my sign that its time for me to include her on her will and not because I want her to be there. I do thank you all for your support! I really need it! SN: She loves her older brother to death (his bio son~my stepson)!! Isnt that weird?!! I love her and him and I want all of us to be happy together and if this is our time to connect with each other then thats what we will do! I will keep you all posted! Please continue to pray for me!!!

10-06-2010, 06:19 PM

TexasDust

Hey Lady! You Got My Prayers Going Your Way!

Here is what I think...Lol! :whacko:

I don't think it has anything to do with you kissing, I feel like it has to do with him not being there with you and your kids.

When she asked you if you got her text it was her way of saying I want to talk about it...

It is hard to sit and listen to someone elses views about what your doing in life and how they view it, especially if it is your child.

My Advice when your talking to her or really when she is talking to you don't interrupt and let her speak her mind after all that is what you want to know what is really on her mind about things try not to get angry or show emotion as best you can Concern yes emotion no. If she doesn't talk about her views of the father figure being absent from the home ask her when she is done talking, what she feels about it. What ever you do don't try to make her understand how you feel about things again this talk is about how she feels about things. And this time will be where she can hopefully release her inner emotions about the situation. Take a Deep Breath and tell her you love her and UNDERSTAND her concern. Someday when it is your turn to talk with her about things she will show you the same courtesy.

A lot of children will not open up to a parent because they don't want to hurt their feelings and see them cry, so they themselves keeps things bottled up inside and then it starts to boil over inside them and you start to see little things that don't add up and you constantly are trying to put your finger on it!

And showing anger over what she says will just shut her down and she will keep it in and not share her thoughts with you, (I am talking about her inner most thoughts).

Hey and then again I could be wrong! :nana:

Good Luck I am glad mine are grown but I sure do miss them not being around...

10-06-2010, 09:56 PM

slkincaid

Okay, I really do understand what you are saying about your daughter. Our daughter is now 23 years old and still gets upset at visits when we hug or kiss too long. Then when I get letters and phone calls and she doesn't. I think in a way she's jealous and my hubby who is her father is torn sometimes. I found him again when she was 13 and we visited and wrote and it was never really an issue. When we visited him he was behind glass. This went on for 10 years. We married in Feb and since then it has sometimes been a problem. We now get the calls and the contact visits. He splits the calls between us, but we live in the same house, so whatever. At the visits, he just tells her to cool it or leave a little early so she doesn't have to see or hear it. So we get two days because it's so far, so on Saturday I leave about an hour or hour and a half early to give them time and on Sunday she leaves early to give us our time. This past weekend I told him something had to change with the calls or he would just have to stop calling and he said that he was thinking the same thing. So we now have certain days and that's the way it will be unless there is an issue. So far it's working out great. I think that since she didn't have him growing up, she kind of feels I was taking him away from her. As for my son whose is 12, he will sometimes talk to him on the phone and sometimes he gets mad about when we go to visit (I can't take him because his father, my ex, won't allow it) and the calls, he feels that my hubby is taking me away from him. But my hubby calls him and when he wants to talk, fine and when he doesn't fine. Most of time he's okay with it because he says he makes me happy. Just hang in there. 16 is a difficult age anyway.

10-13-2010, 02:37 PM

mysoulmate

Update....

Well first let me thank you all for your advice. It was taken in and considered. This is what I did. I talked to my daughter about the text she sent that day and she stated that it is because ever since she was younger she didnt like when I kissed him. I never knew that. If I did I may have not taken it seriously because she was young and I probably figured she would get passed it. However I told her that I apologize for not recognizing that it made her uncomforatble and I would be more considerate of that in the future. She stated that it is what many of you have said~its the "ill your my mom thing" So we talked and the final conclusion was that this was something that she would have to mature in. I also let her know that it is natural for her to feel that way and to try not to "ill" herself because "Moms" need love and affection too! She laughed and said okay! That made me feel better. I didnt push the issue of me and my sweetie being together at the time because I didnt want to overwhelm her with that at that time.

However we did have that discussion and she said that she wants me to be happy and that she will pray for him and when our time comes she will be on board. I told her that was my prayer. Howeve she also stated that it wouldnt matter because she would be away in college and I let her know that her being on board is very important to me and we can talk about it anytime she wants. She agreed and said she loved me and he is still her stepdad! That really made me feel good!

So now we talk about it when she is ready and we seem to be getting along pretty well on that note!

Everything is going well with the kids and my heart is so happy now! I have my man, my kids, my health, my job, and my jpay family! I love you all!:th_yahoo:

10-13-2010, 03:35 PM

Rocky Jackson

Quote:

Originally Posted by mysoulmate

I thank everyone for their input...I am going to talk to her and see how it goes! I guess I just expected her to love him as easy as I did. I was pregnate with her when we first met and he held her more than her bio father did...I guess its just a conversation we need to have now since she has brought it up! This could be my sign that its time for me to include her on her will and not because I want her to be there. I do thank you all for your support! I really need it! SN: She loves her older brother to death (his bio son~my stepson)!! Isnt that weird?!! I love her and him and I want all of us to be happy together and if this is our time to connect with each other then thats what we will do! I will keep you all posted! Please continue to pray for me!!!

If its meant sweetheart, then it will allllll work out. You are 1# person that can only do so much. Pray and release, with being the best (Mom & Step-Mom) you have been. You can't, I mean ''YOU CAN'T'' make no1# except you or the child, but just be you and I am sure everything shall be ok, you here me;) Stay positive sweetie and I will keep you in my prayers!!!! Just focus.....

10-13-2010, 03:48 PM

alexandra82

Quote:

Originally Posted by mysoulmate

Well first let me thank you all for your advice. It was taken in and considered. This is what I did. I talked to my daughter about the text she sent that day and she stated that it is because ever since she was younger she didnt like when I kissed him. I never knew that. If I did I may have not taken it seriously because she was young and I probably figured she would get passed it. However I told her that I apologize for not recognizing that it made her uncomforatble and I would be more considerate of that in the future. She stated that it is what many of you have said~its the "ill your my mom thing" So we talked and the final conclusion was that this was something that she would have to mature in. I also let her know that it is natural for her to feel that way and to try not to "ill" herself because "Moms" need love and affection too! She laughed and said okay! That made me feel better. I didnt push the issue of me and my sweetie being together at the time because I didnt want to overwhelm her with that at that time.

However we did have that discussion and she said that she wants me to be happy and that she will pray for him and when our time comes she will be on board. I told her that was my prayer. Howeve she also stated that it wouldnt matter because she would be away in college and I let her know that her being on board is very important to me and we can talk about it anytime she wants. She agreed and said she loved me and he is still her stepdad! That really made me feel good!

So now we talk about it when she is ready and we seem to be getting along pretty well on that note!

Everything is going well with the kids and my heart is so happy now! I have my man, my kids, my health, my job, and my jpay family! I love you all!:th_yahoo: