Let's have fun, who wants to help me plan my funeral ?

I'm starting to wonder if human ashes can be made into some sort of explosive.

I already told my daughter she needs to put a little vial of my
ashes in her purse so she can throw me in the eyes of someone if they try to attack her. Hopefully one of those hernia patch staples will blind
them

The rest of my ashes need to go into a box in the car trunk so I can help her out when she gets stuck in the snow. Just as good as sand for
traction.

I'm not going that far with a party and actors, I would like to be cremated over a bonfire though. I know that will never be allowed to happen,
Death is too big a part of the Economy to allow people to cheaply die.

Ahes to Ashes and Dust to Dust
Go with a Hardwood. the Pine might bust

You reminded me of something a friend told me awhile back. He seemed serious, but I really don't know. We were working at the time, so it was just one
of the many random conversations that can come about whilst trying to pass the time of a workday. Anyways........

He said he was going to build his own casket, and fit it with removable shelves. He said that if he was going to pay for it, then he
wanted to get some use out of it: Put it in the Living Room, and use it as a Bookshelf, or for CD's, DVDs, etc.....

Which he also said that he wanted to make it easier on the worms, so he was gonna go ahead and drill a bunch of holes in it too. lol

I do like the shotgun idea but for me I want to be cremated, my ashes mixed with concrete, and pored into a gargoyle mold so that I can then guard my
own empty grave site. This way my friends can party without walking on my grave and I can hold my own bottle.

First of all, we will all come dressed up either Austin powers 70s style or in pink unicorn costumes wearing gasmasks (there is a reason for the
gasmasks so hear me out) and fluffy Aardvarks under our arms whilst cremating you with the following music playing in the background :

Once the funeral parlour attendant has managed to hoover all your ashes up with a Dyson and emptied them into an urn i suggest that we all go back to
your place for the wake and cook up a mega massive extremely hot Chilli Con Carné and add your ashes to it to keep a little part of you inside us
whilst indulging in humongous amounts of Guinness and whisky.

The next morning we will all have a massive farting contest outside (this is where the gasmask comes in handy) in order to see if you get the last
word or not whilst playing the following music :

A large freezer stocked with toilet roll will be available as well as free handouts of preparation H and Alkaseltzers.

Once this is all over, a fleet of 5 Sikorsky helicopters will fly over us all booming out the following music whilst dropping hundreds of pink gerbils
with parachutes over our heads :

Once all the gerbils have landed safely and been pocketed we will all get changed into our Rocky horror gear and head over to Wembley stadium and
create the biggest ever flash mob ever whilst dancing to this in memory to you :

Kindest respects

Rod

edit on 1-7-2013 by Rodinus because: vid added

edit on 1-7-2013 by Rodinus because: Vid added as forgot the first
time

- your pall bearers are introduced one at a time. WWE style. THey can even wear the ridiculous attire of wrestlers. But even better would be them
walking in dressed like the Grim Reaper or something.
- Your casket is filled with guacamole. That way they can say they had some dip with a dip.

- the music should be exclusively by Cannibal Corpse
- Lots and lots of fog machines. Never enough fog for a funeral
- if it isn't raining graveside, have someone hose the crowd down to simulate rain.
- have your body replaced with paper mache. Then have a male stripper pop out and do a dance for the ladies in the crowd. In your honor, of
course.
- Motorcycle burnout in the chapel.
- have a random "little person" run in and give the priest a wedgie.
- whoopie cushions under everyones seat
- as your casket is lowered into place, release bats from the grave
- bonus points for making sure your casket gets toppled and spills you out at least 10 times.

As far as a eulogy I wouldn't really care since Ill be dead and gone. I did tell my wife she could say something like "Here lies Scott, he's
getting burned so he won't rot".

Then afterward build a bonfire throw me on it, let my fumes go out into the world and spread my ashes in the ocean. Or bury me face down with a piece
of mistletoe pinned to my rear belt loop so everyone can kiss my a$$.

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