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Topic: I am nervous about first confession (Read 3249 times)

I am new here and I had some questions that I really did not want to bother my Priest with (he is very busy) so I thought I would post it here. From what I have read people seem really smart here and like they know stuff.

On August 26Th I am being Christmated and I will have a confession soon after. I am currently Catholic and I am used to going to confession inside the little booth. I am nervous about telling all my sins face to face. I have some really BIG sins and while I feel very guilty now for these things I am afraid that the priest will remember all these sins the next time he talks to me. I know it sounds childish but I am afraid he won't like me when he realizes my past sins.

I am also nervous about making mistakes while taking communion.

And one other question - if anyone has good recommendations for books I would be really greatfull. I love reading and learning and everyone knows different books that are good.

I hope this is not too long and look forward to what people say. Thanks, Claire

Don't worry about the Confession, too much. I am sure your priest has heard far worse. Remember, you are not confessing to him, but, to Christ. The priest is only there to help you if you need it. If he is a good priest, he will not judge you, but, rejoice in the fact that you found the courage to confess and repent of your sins. Don't overthink it, just do it.

What are your concerns pertaining to "taking Communion"? How to prepare, or the actual act?

In Orthodoxy you will be given both the Body and Blood on a little spoon. We are told to cross our arms over our chest (right arm over left) in order not to flap them about and accidentally cause the priest to drop the Chalice, etc. When you come up, if the priest doesn't know your name, say it loudly. Otherwise, tilt your head back a bit, open wide and enjoy the moment.

Watch what other do before you. In our parish after we receive the Gifts, the priest slightly lifts the Chalice for us to kiss the bottom/pedestal (Christ's feet) in gratitude. Some parishes don't do this.

You will move on and there will be some antidoron (blessed bread) and wine for you to "wash down" the Gifts, lest they remain on your lips or tongue and you accidentally spit them out.

At this point many parishes have their faithful go back to their places and thank God for His kindness. At other parishes folks remain up front and to the side. When the priest re-emerges with the covered Chalice everyone comes up one by one to get tapped lightly on the head before returning to their spots.

This all depends on the parish and local customs.

Again, don't worry too much. Just be respectful and approach in awe and fear of the Lord. Don't worry about shaking hands and nerves...only you can feel them, nobody else knows how much you are shaking inside!

Again, welcome to the forum....and mostly welcome (soon) to the Church!

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Conquer evil men by your gentle kindness, and make zealous men wonder at your goodness. Put the lover of legality to shame by your compassion. With the afflicted be afflicted in mind. Love all men, but keep distant from all men.—St. Isaac of Syria

Your concerns are common and perfectly normal. At least you're coming from the RCC. I was a Presbyterian. Confession was an entirely foreign idea to me, and was quite scary. The Eucharist being the real Body and Blood of Christ was also new and very scary for me as well. I understand your concerns.

As for confession...don't worry about it. Your priest has heard it all before, I'm sure. He's not going to think less of you. It's not his job to judge you, or to even forgive you. In the opening prayer of the mystery of confession, the priest plainly states that he is but an unworthy witness, unable to forgive sins, and urging the penitent to go boldly before Christ with him, who is just and able to forgive us our transgressions if we confess them, and hide nothing. The priest stands in as a witness, not your judge, and he goes with you to Christ. He's on your side, and so is Christ, as you come sincerely for his grace. The Church is a hospital for the sick, not a courtroom for the accused. And, when you get there for confession and you still feel horribly nervous...tell him. You're not the first person to be nervous about confession. Ideally, we should never be comfortable with our sins.

As for the Eucharist, don't worry about this either. When you go to commune your first time, keep your hands crossed over your chest, and open your mouth (stay close to the cloth in case anything drips or drops), the one communing you will put the spoon into your mouth. Close it around the spoon and take the particle with the wine from it. The priest will then remove the spoon. One of the servers will wipe your mouth with the cloth (or may allow you to do so yourself). Keep your arms crossed and walk away from the chalice, letting them back down to your sides after you've walked away. Also, mention to your priest that this makes you nervous. I know you're not the first convert to be nervous about this, and I doubt you're the first convert he's communed to be nervous about it.

In short, don't let either of these things really bother you. It's all there for you, for your salvation, and the priest is the facilitator. Share your concerns with him, and he'll walk you through. That's what he's there for.

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"Hades is not a place, no, but a state of the soul. It begins here on earth. Just so, paradise begins in the soul of a man here in the earthly life. Here we already have contact with the divine..." -St. John, Wonderworker of Shanghai and San Francisco, Homily On the Sunday of Orthodoxy

There is no greater joy for a priest than to witness the confession of someone who repents, just as there is more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over 99 righteous persons. Seriously, the priest worries more over those who do not avail themselves of confession than over those who do. There is no sin that cannot be forgiven--the forgiveness of sins was the very point of the Lord's incarnation, anyway. So, go with confidence in Christ. It will be a great day, a beautiful day, a day for the rejoicing of heaven and earth.

Also, every priest I know appears "busy," but do not let this stop you from asking for help. A good priest is one who is always offering himself up--always working, always praying, always visiting people, always answering questions, etc. The grace of God helps him to do his job in ways we can't imagine. So, do not think of yourself as a burden. I mean, if we have a problem that we need a priest for, we should not be afraid to ask. Also, from the priest you will receive the best advice. From the Internet, you may more often find conflicting advice given by those who bear no responsibility for your soul.

God be with you!

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Quote from: GabrieltheCelt

If you spend long enough on this forum, you'll come away with all sorts of weird, untrue ideas of Orthodox Christianity.

Quote from: orthonorm

I would suggest most persons in general avoid any question beginning with why.

Dear God please make me do a good confession and please make me take Holy Communion in good state.

If you have more time, there are in prayer books prayers before confession and Holy Communion. The sick angel, knowing you are fighting for your soul will try fight back and give you many worries. To put it blunty, in 1000 years from now, nobody on this Earth will remember them.

If you say the prayer, God will fight for you and will give you victory.

Thank you so much for the wonderful answers. I was mostly worried about the act of communion because it looks so different when I see others go to receive. I am very grateful for the step by step directions.

I also feel better about confession. I appreciate the insightful answers that everyone gave. I had not really thought about the fact that the priest is a guide.

Me too, I've been slightly nervous about approaching my priest to make an appointment for confession. I got the nerve up to ask him Sunday before receiving the blessed bread while leaving, if I should call or email. I figured that wasn't so bad, I procrastinated asking him even that much for awhile -- thinking that the new head priest would be coming to my church soon. Yet that seems to take awhile, and I really feel like I should get initiated into this Sacrament.. so I can get it over with and get on with my Christian walk.

Coming from a Baptist background, with adventures through the New Age Movement, Islam, and the Baha'i Faith -- I have never had to openly reveal my sins to anyone. So this entire thing seems quite awkward but just thinking about it is very humbling, because I know that my priest is also not a harsh man and is very laid back and tries to serve us however he can. If he's been at my parish for at least 50 years, I know he's heard everything under the sun -- so I have to keep reminding myself of that. Even the things I may think are really bad, he's probably heard it before -- just not many people talk about their sins so openly, that's why it feels like I may be one of the few with certain ones.

Since my chrismation I've only received Communion about once a month, because since we're told it's the whole Body and Blood of Christ.. increasing my sins and "drinking unto damnation" as the Scripture would say -- frightens me. I figured once a month at least is good just for remaining steady and persevering in the faith..

« Last Edit: July 25, 2011, 09:56:30 PM by AveChriste11 »

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Whosoever will be saved, before all things it is necessary that he hold the catholic faith; Which faith except every one do keep whole and undefiled, without doubt he shall perish everlastingly. And the catholic faith is this: That we worship one God in Trinity, and Trinity in Unity

Since my chrismation I've only received Communion about once a month, because since we're told it's the whole Body and Blood of Christ.. increasing my sins and "drinking unto damnation" as the Scripture would say -- frightens me. I figured once a month at least is good just for remaining steady and persevering in the faith..

I really think that the Greek and Arab churches should require more confession, or really any confession. It's such a great healing tool. If I ever move to another area and end up attending one of their parishes, the priest will likely get irritated with me as I am accustomed to weekly confession at this point. It might indeed be a Latinization, but I think it's a great one.

Since my chrismation I've only received Communion about once a month, because since we're told it's the whole Body and Blood of Christ.. increasing my sins and "drinking unto damnation" as the Scripture would say -- frightens me. I figured once a month at least is good just for remaining steady and persevering in the faith..

My opinion on the Internet doesn't amount to a hill of beans, but you should remember that Communion is for the healing of soul and body. We will never be worthy to receive the Eucharist. You always should defer to your priest, but in the main, only serious sins should keep one away from the Chalice, as long as they are confessing on a regular basis.

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"Christianity is not a philosophy, not a doctrine, but life." - Elder Sophrony (Sakharov)

Whosoever will be saved, before all things it is necessary that he hold the catholic faith; Which faith except every one do keep whole and undefiled, without doubt he shall perish everlastingly. And the catholic faith is this: That we worship one God in Trinity, and Trinity in Unity

Of course, all sin is serious. But some sins are different. I don't really have an exhaustive list at hand, but any sin that would canonically bar a person from communion without first going to confession first would be more serious. Keep in mind that like you said all sins are serious--I am not saying that one sin is greater than another--sin is poison in the veins, so to speak, no matter how little.

Most of us in the world are in such a spiritual state that sin is almost a constant companion. I'm hesitant to go into specifics because I am not ordained clergy, but to me: any sexual act outside of the confines of a Church blessed marital union, acts of violence towards yourself or another, missing church for an extended period of time for no good reason, etc. would all be sins I would consider of serious import, enough to seek confession before I approach the Chalice.

I myself have many sins which I heard one priest refer to as "dust", sins which aren't all consuming but still traps that I have fallen into--improper thoughts, sparks of anger and so forth--small, niggling things that cling to us and can build up over time. These still should be confessed but, assuming one has the blessing to confess only once a month or so--with no requirement to confess before each receiving of the Eucharist, I consider them to be serious but not urgent. Once again, this all depends on what your priest says and recommends for you personally. I am just a stranger online with absolutely no authority to dispensing spiritual direction.

As I wrote this reply, I was reminded of something I read once, that may or may not be applicable. I am not saying this is yours or anyone else's situation, but I found it useful--if you do, great, if not forget it.

"I knew a woman once, a spiritual child of Elder Sophrony’s, a middle-aged married woman with several children, who was overtaken suddenly by a painful psycho-spiritual illness: severe depression with suicidal thoughts, which took the form of religious mania. She was obsessed with forebodings of damnation and despair of forgiveness; made long catalogues of her minutest daily thoughts, no matter how fleeting, etc. In desperation, with her marriage almost over, she went to Essex and begged Fr. Sophrony for help. He told her to throw out all of her notebooks of sins, to read the Gospel of St. John every day for a year, to say the Jesus Prayer as much as she could [3], to receive Holy Communion as often as possible, and to come back to Essex for some time every year, to rest and pray there. She did as he said, and made slow progress at first; but after a few years she became free and whole again. She told me at first that she had to say the Prayer out loud as much as she could, because the minute she stopped, she began falling back into her “old crazy mind” as she called it; but little by little, she began having more time free of her fears. The Gospel of St. John, after many repetitions, forced her to see that God is really a God of love, who cares for her in a personal sense. This was reinforced by her practice of the Prayer and her visits with Fr. Sophrony. Over the course of time, she proved to have quite a gift of intercessory prayer for others and spent the remainder of her life, as her children were grown, living a quiet life, “only a housewife” to all appearances, but spending much time each day in prayer for others, a form of charity in which she was much aided in the great compassion for the sufferings of others that her own torment had given her."

Once again, I am not saying you are like this woman, or anything like that. I merely found the anecdote helpful for me personally, when I found myself perhaps judging myself a little too harshly.

In any case, it all comes down to you, your priest, and God. If you find it best to commune only once a month, that's great. Frequency of communion will always vary, from case to case. Historically, different places followed different traditions in this area.

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"Christianity is not a philosophy, not a doctrine, but life." - Elder Sophrony (Sakharov)

If there is some sin that is particularly weighing on you, mention that first in your first confession. I forget things when I get nervous and I didn't want to forget this one thing. I relaxed somewhat after getting this one thing off my chest, which was a big relief.

In Orthodoxy you will be given both the Body and Blood on a little spoon. We are told to cross our arms over our chest (right arm over left) in order not to flap them about and accidentally cause the priest to drop the Chalice, etc. When you come up, if the priest doesn't know your name, say it loudly. Otherwise, tilt your head back a bit, open wide and enjoy the moment. Again, don't worry too much. Just be respectful and approach in awe and fear of the Lord. Don't worry about shaking hands and nerves...only you can feel them, nobody else knows how much you are shaking inside!

Thankyou so much for this step by step approach. This is exactly what I really needed! And thank you for the welcome. I am sorry I took so long to reply (this week has been crazy at work because I am leaving and have a new job)

Coming from a Baptist background, with adventures through the New Age Movement, Islam, and the Baha'i Faith -- I have never had to openly reveal my sins to anyone. So this entire thing seems quite awkward but just thinking about it is very humbling, because I know that my priest is also not a harsh man and is very laid back and tries to serve us however he can. If he's been at my parish for at least 50 years, I know he's heard everything under the sun -- so I have to keep reminding myself of that. Even the things I may think are really bad, he's probably heard it before -- just not many people talk about their sins so openly, that's why it feels like I may be one of the few with certain ones.

Thank you for mentioning the new age movement, when I was in high school my parents got divorced and I in my teen wisdom decided that Wicca would be the way to solve all my problems. This is actually something that I am nervous about confessing because I have not told anyone about this in years. It was very comforting to know someone else fell into the new age trap.

Since my chrismation I've only received Communion about once a month, because since we're told it's the whole Body and Blood of Christ.. increasing my sins and "drinking unto damnation" as the Scripture would say -- frightens me. I figured once a month at least is good just for remaining steady and persevering in the faith..

My opinion on the Internet doesn't amount to a hill of beans, but you should remember that Communion is for the healing of soul and body. We will never be worthy to receive the Eucharist. You always should defer to your priest, but in the main, only serious sins should keep one away from the Chalice, as long as they are confessing on a regular basis.

I hate to be a bother but what would you qualify as serious sin? I know that some things (such as suicide) are considered really BIG but am curious as to what else might be in this catagory.

Since my chrismation I've only received Communion about once a month, because since we're told it's the whole Body and Blood of Christ.. increasing my sins and "drinking unto damnation" as the Scripture would say -- frightens me. I figured once a month at least is good just for remaining steady and persevering in the faith..

My opinion on the Internet doesn't amount to a hill of beans, but you should remember that Communion is for the healing of soul and body. We will never be worthy to receive the Eucharist. You always should defer to your priest, but in the main, only serious sins should keep one away from the Chalice, as long as they are confessing on a regular basis.

I hate to be a bother but what would you qualify as serious sin? I know that some things (such as suicide) are considered really BIG but am curious as to what else might be in this catagory.

I would think a less serious sin would be vengeful thoughts, while a more serious sin would be stealing something from a store. All sins are serious, though. I believe that a "serious" sin is measured by how much it effects others.

How often one must partake of the Holy Mystery of Penance (also called Confession and Reconciliation) is different from jurisdiction to jurisdiction. The same applies to Holy Mystery of Communion. In all cases, communion must be preceded by confession. The minimum expectation of either is one or four times a year. The ideal is fully participating in the Divine Liturgies that are offered each Sunday and the major feasts and confessing regularly. In ROCOR, this usually means that one must confess before each communion. I do not know what the practice is in the Russian Orthodox Church (of which ROCOR is now an integral part). I do know that most churches and priests are not happy with infrequent communion and/or confession. In any case, in the Orthodox Church in America, parishioners are encouraged to partake as often as they are present and have prepared themselves. This means that parishioners are expected to keep the fast on the appointed days (including Wednesday and Friday), attend weekly services, have an active daily prayer life, prepare themselves for communion by attending Saturday night and Sunday morning services that precede the Divine Liturgy (minimal expectation: be in Church before the Little Entrance at the latest). Opportunities for confession abound: we confess directly to God throughout the week as confessing one's sins is part of the daily prayers and of Vespers, matins and Hours, while the confession prayers during the Divine Liturgy suffice for those sins that do not require one to partake of the Mystery of Penance immediately prior to Communion. The frequency of Confession is determined by the priest and your own conscience (for ultimately each one us will stand before the Judgment Seat by ourselves). The minimum is four times a year and certainly during Great Lent. However, it is not unusual for some folks to go to confession weekly. The bottom line is: confess/turn away from sin to the Lord at all times, confess/turn away from sin during the Mystery of Penance and be reconciled to the Church anytime that you need to (certainly in accordance with the confessional regimen that your priest has defined for you).

I go to confession tomorrow at 10 am.. Central Time. Pray that I'll be able to be calm about all this, and not "freak out" too much.. that I'll know everything will be fine and whatever I'm fearing probably won't happen.

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Whosoever will be saved, before all things it is necessary that he hold the catholic faith; Which faith except every one do keep whole and undefiled, without doubt he shall perish everlastingly. And the catholic faith is this: That we worship one God in Trinity, and Trinity in Unity

As you know, I blab about everything here on OC.net (I'm suprised the mods don't "mute" me from time to time so I stop clogging up the forums). When my first confession came up, I posted a few threads that you may find helpful!

People doing it and confessing are people being cured from sickness. Actually there are several saints that were sorceres before conversion like Saint , I don't remember his name. Because Church has power against sick angel , many people that performed sorcery came into Church for protection when they get into conflict with other people doing sorcery. I did eastern religion too, unfortunately since eastern religions are sorcery. I was thinking I do yoga for health until an orthodox scared me out. So scared I was that next meeting and I think last one I was praying, dear God if here is somethiong wrong please let me know. And God let me know.

^---agreed with Pasadi, there is no sin that can't be forgiven. For he has removed them from us as far as the East is from the West as the old Psalm says, and the band Casting Crowns agrees. If it were not for the fact that I was never quite satisfied with the spiritual experiences I was given, and that I did not agree with the emotional/spiritual suffering that came from it -- I would have never found Orthodoxy. When you pray to God with your whole being, and you demand that he help you out of your confusion, that prayer will be answered.

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Whosoever will be saved, before all things it is necessary that he hold the catholic faith; Which faith except every one do keep whole and undefiled, without doubt he shall perish everlastingly. And the catholic faith is this: That we worship one God in Trinity, and Trinity in Unity

The only mistake you can make about confession is not going. When I go, the priest has me looking not at him, but at the icon of Christ, because my confession is to Christ. Then I kneel and the priest prays for me and can talk with me at that point if he wishes. The LORDWILL show you mercy

One more thing. For people comming from wicca or eastern religion the sick angel may give some trouble doing a tantrum. In this case reading psalm 26 3 times a day will solve the problem. There is no return from Eastern orthodoxy back to Eastern religions because is very very very dangerous.

i hope and pray your confessions go well.i find confession takes a weight of my shoulders, although it also reminds me not to do it again!i am blessed with a kind and understanding priest who is not afraid to remind me to work on my weak points (poor discipline in praying, anger etc) and who understands me.put your sins into categories, eg. 'i tend to steal things', rather than, 'i stole a pen at work, then i took some paper from my colleagues' desk, then i didn't pay for one of the apples in the shop..' your priest will ask you to tell him more if it is necessary.

i think by 'serious' sins, people mean sleeping with your neighbour, knocking someone unconscious, joining another religion etc.spells, white magic and black magic and pagan religious practices are against what Christians believe and it is very important to tell the priest about them at the first opportunity, as you can be tempted to go back, and your priest can give you practical tips on how to avoid temptations and the sources of these temptations. Jesus has all power and no spirit/demon is stronger than Him, so we do not need to fear as nothing can take us from His love, but also we should take this seriously and be honest about it so that we are making a statement of faith about rejecting past beliefs.may God guide you, and pray for me too, a sinner.

in my church, abouna (the priest) sits in a corner of the church with the person confessing and everyone knows to keep far away so we can't hear anything.i suppose if you wanted to confess a mass murder, you may ask to go to a separate room for privacy. but that would be the least of your problems!in our church we expect to see people confessing, and it may make the Bible study late, but that's ok.

in the liturgy service, there are lots of opportunities for repentance, so we confess to God our sins before taking Holy Communion as well as going to confession with the priest once a month (on average).

aposphet, this is true. we should still confess to the whole church if the sin involves them (eg. adultery with church member) and we should reconcile all our disagreements with each other as well before taking Holy Communion.

What is the sacramental point of an unbaptized (assuming coming from a non-Christian religion) person doing a confession before being baptized "for the remission of sins"?

Melodist, I am slightly confused -- were you referring to anyone in particular..? Or just theoretically..?

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Whosoever will be saved, before all things it is necessary that he hold the catholic faith; Which faith except every one do keep whole and undefiled, without doubt he shall perish everlastingly. And the catholic faith is this: That we worship one God in Trinity, and Trinity in Unity

What is the sacramental point of an unbaptized (assuming coming from a non-Christian religion) person doing a confession before being baptized "for the remission of sins"?

Melodist, I am slightly confused -- were you referring to anyone in particular..? Or just theoretically..?

Just theoretically. Confession as reconciliation to the Church makes no sense for someone never received into the Church in the first place, confession for forgiveness of sins makes no sense for one intending to be baptized "for the remission of sins", and confession as a sacrament like all other sacraments is for those already received into the Church. The only exception I could see is if being accepted into the Church by means other than baptism (chrismation or in some cases confession of faith are not for the remission of sins so it makes sense to prepare with confession), which does not apply for conversions from non-Christian religions. I don't know how the topic came up in this thread or even if it applies to anyone, but I saw it did come up, so just wanted to make an observation.

One more thing. For people comming from wicca or eastern religion the sick angel may give some trouble doing a tantrum. In this case reading psalm 26 3 times a day will solve the problem. There is no return from Eastern orthodoxy back to Eastern religions because is very very very dangerous.

I agree with you 100%. It is very addictive in a bady way. It is also tied to so many self harming behaviours that really go against God. This is definitly something I will be confessing. While I only played at wicca I know a lot of people that really got into this and once in it is hard to leave.

As you know, I blab about everything here on OC.net (I'm suprised the mods don't "mute" me from time to time so I stop clogging up the forums). When my first confession came up, I posted a few threads that you may find helpful!