(Closed) Would you be upset/annoyed?

Ill try to make this as short as possible. Darling Husband just left yesterday for Vegas for 4 days. This is the second time in 7 months that he has gone there because he went for his own bachelor party. He is there for a friends bachelor party and said he felt he had to go because his friend came out to his and came down to Georgia for our wedding. I dont care that hes in Vegas, but he has put scheduling our annual vacation on hold because he says we dont have the money to do that right now. He will also tell me that I should wait until a certain time to buy something because we dont have as much money right now. He is going to spending around $1000 total for this trip that hes on right now. Am I crazy to be annoyed about this??

No, you aren’t crazy. I’d be annoyed too. I get that he wants to be there for his friend like his friend was for him. But his being there for his friend is affecting you, his wife.

To me, he’s acting like he is still a single guy. You’ve not been married terribly long, so he may still be adjusting. What he should have done is told you he was invited and wanted to go and then you and he together discussed the financial situation and decided what your priorities were together and if the trip was financially feasiable. He made that decision that affects you both by himself. I don’t think he did so maliciously (not “I’m going to do what I want and too bad if you don’t like it), but this should have been a decision you made together, if money is an issue and his going impacted other goals the two of you have.

Like you – I have no problem with Darling Husband going to Vegas, taking weekends with the boys, etc. But when those things take priority over vacations with you – there is a problem. It’s also not right that he asks you to not spend money on things due to budgets but then he is okay with spending $1000 on himself in Vegas. Sounds like a bit of a double standard to me.

No, I would be really annoyed about this also. Honestly, I’d be annoyed he went to Vegas twice in 7 months – those are two major trips/vacations, without you in such a sort time! And….he is delaying your vaca together, ugh.

So, you are going to have a spa day this weekend while he’s there right? 😉

@KatNYC2011: Oh believe me I have chatted with him about this! Ive explained to him that it isnt really fair that there are limitations on my things and our things but not his things. He has sent me flowers and surprised me with a massage since he has been gone so I know he knows how annoyed I am. I told him that if this happens again I will be extremely pissed off at him. I explained that if I went on a 4 day trip with my girlfriends but told him that he couldnt buy a pair of shoes that he would not be happy either. I know he understands why Im mad but sometimes (after yelling at him a lot) I start to think I might be crazy.

@PitBulLover: No way in hell are you crazy for being annoyed. Compromise, compromise, compromise.

ETA: I get upset with J when he goes and spends money on things that aren’t necessary. He’s on unemployment. I’m the one who’s busting my ass to save up for the wedding and that’s where all my pay check goes except for other bills. He brings something up and I just stare at him like “seriously?” No’ money, mo’ problems. (Yes, I changed the Mo’ Money to No.)

I think the hard thing for me is that I dont even want to do a girls trip! Its hard for me to understand why he would want to go on two 4/5 day trips back to back without me because I wouldnt want to. I have more fun when I am with DH! And I have limited vacation time so the vacation time I do have I would want to spend with him! I have told him his priorities are out of line. I mean its too late now because he is already there. I try not to be annoyed when I am texting or talking to him but I just cant not be!

I think I would feel annoyed too. However I can see how the trip (for this friend’s bachelor, who also came out for your husband’s bachelor party) could seem as a priority for him. He also probably assumes that you see it the same way as him.

Although I do totally understand where you are coming from, and as a woman in your situation, I would go through the same feelings and questioning, I really do think his intentions are good. He wants to honor his friend (which for some men is very important) who was there for him during that important moment in his life.

What I’m trying to say is that he’s putting the trip as one of the priorities of things to pay for right now, and in a way, I can understand his judgement of the situation.