As a kid of the 80s who ate Steak-umms and Smurfberry Crunch washed down with Hi-C Ecto Cooler often sitting in a secondhand cloud of Carlton 100s, is it any wonder that--having survived--my pendulum swung as far right(eous) as physically possible?

And it's in this millennial-heavy, hyperactively exposed, irritatingly self-satisfied realm that I feel the happiest.

No, I don't love being as annoying as hell.

I just love having lots of energy. And no pimples big enough to require a zoning permit. And a tummy that doesn't rebel on days I choose to wear real pants.

So, is it any wonder that I make my own superfood energy balls?

And that my kid of the 00s brings one to lunch as a treat, consuming it ever so differently than Aaron, the chubby kid in my elementary school that would forgo the top three ways to eat a Fruit Roll-Up (1. tear into strips, 2. peel and hold with two hands and approach from the corner like it's a Kraft Single, 3. peel and wrap around the index finger and suck until slimy and no longer appetizing to anyone, least of all, to its owner) in favor of balling it up and stuffing the entire thing in his mouth never to be seen again?

Or that I expect that by sharing my recipe now, all holier-than-thouness will be forgiven?

Maybe as magnanimously as I've done for the decade that tried to kill me with toxic, technicolored consumables and Alf?

Life Redeeming Energy Balls

Makes about 16

1/2 cup raw almonds

1/4 cup raw pumpkin seeds

1 cup pitted Medjool dates

1/2 cup goji berries

3 Tbsp raw cacao powder

1 1/2 Tbsp coconut oil

1 1/2 Tbsp almond butter

big pinch of sea salt

2 Tbsp chia seeds

2 Tbsp unsweetened shredded coconut

In a food processor, pulse the almonds and pumpkin seeds until finely ground. Add the dates and berries and cacao powder and pulse until Kids incorporated. Next whizz up the coconut oil, almond butter, and sea salt. No whammies!

Mix the chia seeds and coconut together in a small bowl. Gather tablespoons of the date mixture into balls and roll them around in the chia seeds and coconut until, like, totally coated.

Chill in the freezer for one hour and then transfer to an airtight container in the fridge or share with your homies.