Taiwan Animation Says Yankees Are Done, Attacks C.C. With Fishing Net

Taiwan’s Next Media Animation has really gone above and beyond with their latest effort, calmly titled, “New York Yankees 2012 season goes off the rails”. Taiwan Animation generally sticks to recapping major stories with a keen sarcastic eye for the absurdity of truth, but now they’re in the predictions game, and that game includes saying C.C. Sabathia has gained so much weight that whenever he goes to the beach “Greenpeace tries to drag his ass back into the water”. They are not playing around.

I hate the Yankees as much as the next guy, but no part of “tied for first in the AL East with the Baltimore Orioles” necessitates the entire New York infield playing with the aid of walkers or calling Derek Jeter an “overrated singles slapper”. I don’t know if these things are written by committee or just by random dudes on the Internet approached by violent strangers in pig masks a la the Saw movie franchise, but man, this is extra harsh. Consider that Tampa is five games back on September 17 and … wait, am I trying to rationalize this with stats? F**k New York and their pirate ship adventures.

If New York wins the division, I’ll expect a full retraction from Next Media Animation. I also expect it to be bat-shit insane.