Justin Bieber’s Mom Hates Him

Justin Bieber’s mom manages his entire career. Which is why it’s no surprise that after being caught on a private yacht with Selena Gomez, he’s been forced to introduce cartoon movies at the Golden Globes and star in PETA ads about saving puppies. At this point, she might as well send him to public school in lederhosen and Huggies Pull-ups and lock this virginity thing down. “Moms says I have trouble holding it, so it’s usually best not to argue. So you wanna get milkshakes and hold hands later? *KKZZZZZZKZKKZZZ* OH MY GOD IT’S SHOCKING ME! IT’S SHOCKING ME SO HARD! MOM! MOM, I’M SORRY!”