How the hell are you supposed to know what your first words were? You can't possibly remember. Unless there are objective witnesses (there rarely are), mommy says it's "mommy", daddy says it's "daddy".

I am feeling sentimental, because my favorite younger cousin Erica just got married on Saturday. Otherwise the exposure to extended family has been traumatic.

Erica: When she was a baby, she couldn't pronouce her name, so she was YAYA I cried when her dad mentioned it this weekend at her wedding... everything else he said was so... him.

Me: I remember as a 3 year-old, creating my own word for those lemon-shaped containers of lemon/lime juice. When I asked what it as, my mom said "it is sour, it will make your lips pucker".. Well, I renamed it "Fuck-em-Puck-em!" It seemed logical at the time. It sent my grandmother and aunt Ruthie into hysterics when I held up the plastic lemon and exclaimed "Fuck-em-Puck-em!"

My son Josh at age 4:

In the middle of the WalMart parking lot (perhaps we deserved it) he yells "PENIS!!!!!!!!!!" at the top of his lungs.

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