“But what – I don’t even – no, how can this be?”
said the viewer, confused, as he watched quietly.
“This ad is pathetic! It’s smug and unfunny,
a terrible waste of some PAC’s money –
the metre is off, the rhymes often are forced,
and from any real argument it seems quite divorced.
They managed to screw up a Sam Jackson rant!
That’s what was needed! Not some tiresome chant
that spares us the details and instead is hysteric
in a way that is vague and even generic.
Just wait for the “fact-checkers” to wade into this mire
Because it’s non-specific, they’ll say “pants on fire”
And the ad will have made of its goal so much mince
Because this commercial was supposed to convince.
Which it won’t, since it’s boring, and it’s self-impressed
with its moral high ground as it’s beating its chest.”
Sighed the viewer at all of the censored “fucks,” –
“at least nothing changes just because this sucks.”

THIRD JUNIOR EXECUTIVE: … did you actually just say “Bleeping” instead of just, y’know, swearing?

BIGWIG: You’re bleeping right I did. We’re talking prime-time-paid-for-by-prudes. We need the prime time mindset. So what’s our pitch?

FIRST: SLJ needs to say “Fuck.” I mean “Bleep.”

SECOND: A lot. But in a way that’s only insulting to people who don’t like SLJ movies.

FIRST: Which is no-one.

SECOND: Bleeping right.

THIRD: Well, the Republican campaign so far has been trading on half-truths and misinformation, and Mr. Jackson’s got a pretty charismatic face and voice. We could try for a head-shot narration mixed with some nice light infographics…

FIRST: Pulp Fiction.

BIGWIG: I like the way you’re thinking. Tell me more.

FIRST: The bit where he’s just screaming insults at the guy, and then straight up kills him? Something like that.

SECOND: But maybe without the killing.

THIRD: … actually, I don’t think that’s…

BIGWIG: Pulp Fiction’s at least ten years old. Let’s get something more relevant in there, for the younger voters.

THIRD: … twenty.

FIRST: Can we get in a Snakes On A Plane reference? Republicans – elephants – trunks – snakes…

SECOND: Oh. Oh! Hey!

BIGWIG: Hit me.

THIRD: Please.

SECOND: SLJ! He did that book, right? The kids book with the swearing? Fucking Go To Sleep?

FIRST: Yeah!

THIRD: Okay, first, it’s “Go The Fuck To Sleep,” and second…

SECOND: That’s it! “Go the Fuck” – I mean “Bleep to sleep.” What if we take that, and … invert it.

FIRST: Yeah! Bleep yeah!

BIGWIG: Explain.

SECOND: SLJ is yelling at people, but instead of yelling “Go the Bleep To Sleep,” he’s yelling “Wake The Bleep Up!”

BIGWIG: I like it!

THIRD: What political message are we trying to get across here?

BIGWIG: What are you, a communist? We’ve got Samuel L. Jackson yelling swearwords. What more do you need?

I was inclined to agree… and then I saw all my friends left-of-center (which is to say, all my friends) absolutely eating it up on Twitter and Facebook. Then I got it.

The point isn’t to sway voters or really even make a pro-Obama argument. It doesn’t need to. It assumes you voted for Obama in ’08 and will do so again this year, just like every character in it (that’s old enough to vote). This is just a “fire up the base” ad. Is it a good one? Eh. But I don’t think it fails in its goals because it doesn’t get more specific on policy.

Tice, I feel that this entire election has abandoned the pretense of bipartisanship.

I’ve been saying to all my friends that this election will come down to whichever candidate can get more members of their respective parties to vote for them, just because they are the candidate of that respective party.