listen

me: i think it was me, it must have been me.i guess i did something wrong.i tried too hard, wanted too much.i guess that's why it's gone.i lost my pride, i falled and cried.i felt like a little kid.what's wrong with me?still can't believe i did the things i did.

i couldn't change him.he was gonna break my heart.i saw it coming.yeah, i knew it from the start.

when you love someone like that,when you give what you can't take back.when you love with all your heart and soul,it's so hard to let it go.

reba: girl, it ain't right, it just ain't right.don't tell yourself that it was you.you followed your heart, you gave it your best.there's nothing more you can do.guys like him are like the wind.and you know it's just too bad.they blow in and out again,and never know what they had.

girl, i can tell ya.he'll do the same to someone else.it ain't about you.so don't be so hard on yourself.

oh, we've all loved and lost.it's happened to us all.

me: i hear what you're saying,but i feel like i'm the only one.

reba: you might feel right, but you're not.you're alright.

me: i'm alright.

reba: you're okay.

me: i'm okay.

Current Music: "when you love someone like that" - reba and leann rimes

every time i close my eyes, i'm running in an open field. my arms are outstretched towards the sky, and my head is tilted upwards. my eyes are closed so tightly, my dress is flowing in the wind. in fact, my whole body, my whole soul, is flowing in the wind. and i'm wrapped inside this whirlwind. and i'm free. you know?

i can’t sleep. it’s not that i miss you, really. or that i even think about you. in fact, i have taken all of my pictures of you out of my wallet, i have erased all pictures from my camera, and i’ve taken the pictures out of frames in my room. although it sounds extreme, it’s not really. i am mostly sad about not feeling right wearing those green earrings you bought me. i might still wear them, i’m not sure. i’m trying not to hate you. but i’d rather hate you than love you right now. i don’t want people thinking you’re my boyfriend. you’re not. i don’t want people waiting for us to get back together. we’re not going to. and i don’t want people updating me and telling me what you’re doing. it’s not any of my business anymore. and clearly, it never was to begin with. it’s like all the hate i put aside so we could stay together has surfaced. and in a few weeks, i have realized why i put those feelings aside -- because with them, we have no relationship. just lies and broken promises and tears and bad memories. it is useful to be able to put aside the bad to focus on the good. the only problem is, as i’ve come to realize, it’s reversible.

5/13/07 12:00 am

now i sound like i'm obsessed with graffiti, but i always notice this one in a bathroom stall at jeff: "girls are better. they'll treat you way better than any guy would." it's been in there for months, but never erased. and i just imagine the janitor walking in and being like, "amen to that. i'll keep that one up there."