Question

Maybe this isn't the right forum but i'm really worried about a friend. We were having lunch last week and she was telling me how she had a rough weekend and after that she pulled up her sleeve to show a band aid on her wrist. I was horrified at first but then I listened to her talk. I left lunch a little confused. When she took off her bandaid there was an X a little bit above her wrist that she made with a knife. I don't know if she was just cutting or really trying to kill herself. This morning she told me she doesn't want to live and I don't really know how i can help her. I know she sees a therapist but I don't think that is really working. By looking at her, you wouldn't think she had problems, she masks any issues she has perfectly. I'm just really confused by the whole ordeal and I don't know what it is that i can do.......any feedback would be great...

her therapist is obviesouly not working! a self mutilator myself i know the look on your face i saw it on my parents face after learning i had done it for six years (i started at age 11) suggest to her to find a female therapist specialized in self mutilation. It will really help i went through six therapists in a matter of three weeks but i finally found a good one and i am four years not one cut! it's usually a self esteem issue and the fact that she showed you is either a cry for attention or a cry for help. i kept mine well hidden and not one soul knew until one really bad day i cut a little too deep and well.... to the hospital i went blah blah blah this isn't about me but talk to her about getting a better therapist. also tell her when she feels she needs to cut to call sometimes it helps keeps a close check on wrists, inner arms and hips tell her you want to help her recover. my journey was long and alone because no one seemed to understand they thought i was a suicidal maniac when in all actuality it's how i dealt with my problems it was never suicide for me! feel free to e mail me with any questions

Jessica,
Thanks for responding. We actually had another conversation about her cut a few days ago. I asked her if it was cutting episode or a suicide thing. And she basically told me that it was a suicide attempt and that it wasnt the first time. I'm worried about this but don't know how to go about it. She is in her 30's and married. I would never ever pass a judgement on anyone. I know she has a problem but I'm not exactly sure what to do to help. I know your situation is not suicide but i need advice. The last thing I want to do is come into work and find out that she isn't here anymore. I'm scared...........thanks for writing back!

I have cut for about 7 years, rarely because i had a death wish, but still sometimes it was more than handling stress. What really helped me to keep it at a non-fatal level was seeing the hell my brother has been through since he found his best friend hanging. It's horrible what he has to deal with everyday. and i wouldn't suggest telling her she's selfish, but unless you see it first hand it's often hard to understand what it will do to your family and close friends. The best thing i can say is just be there for her if she needs to talk. I have never scolded someone for showing their concern, even when i didn't ask for it. Just make sure you never use her problem against her or bring it up with others around unless she gives you permission, That is the worst thing i have experienced from a friend who didn't know what the hell they were doing and for some reason thought making fun of me in front of others who had no idea would make me want to quit. Bad move. But you seem to have more sense than that. Good luck. -Tessa

I would never bring someone down when I know they already are going through so much. I'm just not sure how to deal with this. I want to help her but for some reason I get the impression that its just a joke to her. And i would never tell anyone else. I am lucky that she confides in me. And in a way that makes me feel a little at ease knowing she talks to me. Im just so worried........

to tell you the truth it's in her hands. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just listen. it is probably just something she needs to work through. I had a supervisor once that asked me to enter into a suicide contract stating that i would promise not to kill myself for a period of time- mine was a month at a time, and i was to call her if i felt like doing anything, or even hurting myself. This was kinda cool because it helped her to feel less burdened and helped me to know that at least for a period of time i couldn't do anything because i respected her and honored the contract. If you think she would really commit to it, you might suggest this to her. A lot of the counseling i went through just irritated me and made me more confused, but it might not be the same for her, if she wanted to find a good mental health provider it might help out. Other than that, i think it might just take time.