when chronic isn't enough

Archive for the ‘Durham’ Category

Durham County District Court—North Carolina Attorney General Harold Clarendon announced today in a press conference that all charges against Crystal Mangum have been dropped. Clarendon called Durham District Attorney Louis Vilcon a “rogue prosecutor” for his knowingly making false statements in criminal proceedings against Mangum.

Early last week, Mangum was accused of attempting to murder her boyfriend, Mark Runner. Runner’s story, however, quickly raised suspicions when it was clear that the arresting officer had a history of discrimination against black males and when crime scene photographs of the bathroom where the alleged crime occurred indicated that the room was too small for Mangum, Runner and three children to stand in. (more…)

Kunshan, China—To address budget concerns and accommodate the 33 percent of Duke students who are ethnically Chinese, the University announced today that it will be moving to the Kunshan province of the People’s Republic of China. The move will be accomplished in three phases over the next 15 years, Board of Trustees Chair David White said. The first phase, which will begin this summer, will involve rebuilding Uncle Harry’s, to be renamed Chairman Hai’s, in China and then implementing the plans for New Campus around the grocery store. “The costs associated with the move will be very low,” University Vice President of Public Relations Aaron Merrel said, “Because we’ll be using child laborers. And operations costs in China will be significantly less because the [Communist] Party will ensure that all faculty and staff are paid equally poorly.”

Chapel Hill Street—Six Durham residents were robbed at gunpoint last night by two Duke students. The two students, described as 5’11” white males of medium build, came into the gas station at approximately 2:23 a.m., wearing royal-blue Duke hoodies pulled tightly over their heads and brandishing revolvers.

One of the students demanded the the clerk empty the cash register and hand over all the cash, while the other took personal belongings from the customers. “I just don’t feel safe coming around Duke’s campus these days,”said Marshall Peters, who had his wallet stolen by the pair. Durham County Police Chief Graham Gloria said that the victims were largely at fault for coming that close to Duke’s campus that late at night. “You can’t expect to come anywhere near Duke’s campus without getting robbed by Duke students. If you weren’t such easy targets, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

Yeah, that’s right: the Bulls swept the first three games of their best-of-five series versus Scranton and are now the International League Champions. They will be playing for Baseball’s Triple-A crown starting next Tuesday.