I had to fight the glare on this shop window, so the photo quality is as bad as the sign’s writing: WALKIN’S WELCOME. It’s confusing. Is the word supposed to be WALKING? No. It should be WALK-INS. That hyphen adds clarity. And please lose that apostrophe! “WALKINS,” however they spelled it, is just a plural. It’s not possessive. But people see a final S and are overcome by an urge to reach deep into their apostrophe pocket and yank out an apostrophe to throw in before that S. Resist! Thank you.

No, not the ones George Carlin once observed could not be said on TV (but now are commonly heard). These come from the Trump administration, which informed the Centers for Disease Control that the following words will not be acceptable when preparing the budget for 2018:

-Vulnerable

-Entitlement

-Diversity

-Transgender

-Fetus

-Evidence-based

-Science-based

The CDC is a scientific organization. Try writing for that organization without using the words on the list. If you remember the term “newspeak,” from George Orwell’s 1984, you may be shuddering, as am I. Here is Merriam-Webster’s definition of newspeak:

propagandistic language marked by euphemism, circumlocution, and the inversion of customary meanings

In other words, reshaping and restructuring language to suit political ends, and the truth be damned.

Happiness for me would be walking in a large parking lot in Japan, looking at the various model names of cars. By far, Toyotas are the most commonly seen cars there, but the familiar model names here in America, such as Camry and Avalon, are missing in Japan. Here are some names for you to ponder; not all are on Toyotas:

This last one is definitely not a Corvette. On our previous trip to Japan I was captivated by two other models, the VITZ and the JIXY. I often wonder who comes up with these names; every time I see a Nissan VERSA here, I imagine it parked in a garage next to a Nissan VICE. Why not?

Like this:

My fear is that people will think I am ridiculing the Japanese by posting these signs. As a former teacher of English as a Second Language, I am well aware of how difficult it is to learn English. The irregular spelling alone is enough to discourage anyone. If anything, my reason for posting these signs is to (1) acknowledge that difficulty, (2) to show my own puzzlement by a culture that I love but whose nuances I largely do not understand, and (3) to marvel at anyone who learns to speak and write Japanese. Three different registers/styles of writing and speaking exist, depending on whom you are speaking or writing to. The characters number in the many, many thousands. Almost everything in the Japanese language leaves me “lost in translation.” My admiration for those who master it is enormous. That said, here are three more signs.

I took all these photos in Osaka, a city very different from any other I experienced in Japan. It’s known for food; the natives are reputed to eat out six times a week. The streets with restaurants and food stalls was mobbed.

The “NY Style Monster Pallet” sign flummoxed me for a minute. Then I remembered that R and L are sounds very difficult for Japanese to distinguish. Aha! It’s a parfait.

Quark is a store that sells real watches. As opposed to unreal watches? I suspect they are replicas of high-end brands.

And my favorite: Grilled Hormone. I was stymied. Is it estrogen? Testosterone? A thyroid factor? Look at the picture—it’s pieces of something. I’m thinking that something might be pieces of a gland that secretes a hormone. Your guess is as good as mine. Hungry?

Not many people in Japan speak English, so their signs sometimes gave me pause. Often, it seemed as if any two or three words chosen at random from an English dictionary would suffice to name something.

This was a small hotel in Arashiyama, where we went to see a magnificent and enormous bamboo grove. I still wonder what went on inside that pension.

At one entrance to our hotel in Okayama we were greeted by this holiday sign. It did make me smile.

In Tokyo, we came across this restaurant. Some places that serve only horsemeat have photos or drawings of horses outside to enlighten the tourist. No images of raccoons were seen here. I’m still wondering. Roadkill sushi?

I saw many interesting signs on our recent trip to Japan. At times it appeared people used an English dictionary and juxtaposed any two random words. I’ll show you some of those signs soon.

One morning at the breakfast buffet in Okayama (all hotels have both Western and Japanese food to choose from), I came across the following dish:

You can see by the gravy marks on the side of the dish that some people found it irresistible. I eat just about everything, but I hurried past this offering. I like salt. I like squid. Guts? Not so much. Maybe I would have called it Salted Squid Innards. Not much better. Any suggestions?