Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Obsessive Time-Management has got me Wondering

Dear Edahn,
I’m having a problem with time. I feel that I am always rushing when there is really nothing urgent. I consistently impose arbitrary deadlines that have no actual consequences. Do you consider this just a practical problem with time or, as I suspect yet can’t quite grasp, some deeper psychological issue in the way I relate to the world?

We have a name for your condition: successful. Seriously, there are people out there who would kill for your self-discipline. Literally. I'm one of them. Beware.

If you feel stressed and anxious all the time, that's another issue. In that case, I'd suggest having fun with your self-imposed micromanagement by exaggerating how important it is that you get something done in time. For instance, if you have to brush your teeth, set an arbitrary time when you must brush your teeth by and pretend like it's really, really important that you get it done by that time. You might say "oh crap, oh crap! I have 2 minutes left and I'm FREAKING THE FUCK OUT!!!" In your best dramatic voice, you can say something like "Damn! DAMN!!!! What the hell are we gonna do now?" If you don't meet your deadline, you can pretend like you're melting or shutting down internally, as if the deadline was actually quite significant. Oops. You can also share your deadlines with your friends, telling them they have 12 minutes to pick you up, 6 minutes to finish their beer, 4.4 minutes to bring you to orgasm, and 3 seconds to STFU.

Mix 'n match and be creative. Do whatever it takes to put a smile on your face so you can keep yourself disciplined and organized without being super serial about the whole thing.

[Next up: Dances with Boners, followed by Pubic Hairless and Freedooooom! Please share us with your friends, if you have any!]