I'm sorry I fucked your best friend, Lucretia Borgia
Though we're frankly surprised you're appalled
We thought you'd be ecstatic
To see us so happy
Being your two closest friends and all

We are not really that thirsty, Lucretia Borgia
We will not take two goblets of wine
We'd love to sip your chalice
But we're due at the Pitti Palace
Maybe some other time

I'm grateful for everything you did, Lucretia Borgia
And I hope you're not disappointed in me
Your legendary parties for wealthy old hearties
Were the talk of all Tuscany
No I shall not take a walk with your friend Luigi
Although as henchmen go he's all right
I won't take that walk, and I don't want to talk
Maybe some other night

I don't know why it didn't work for us, Lucretia Borgia
It wasn't your motto 'Might makes right'
I didn't mind your snobbery or your two charming hobbies
Vindictive murder and spite
Don't show me the door, Lucretia Borgia
It leads to the Arno, I know
It opens on a stair which leads to a tower
Where no one must go

Your first marriage was annulled
Your second husband got killed
You slept with your father
And sucked your brother's dick
But, hey, everybody needs to get a kick out of life
Lucretia what are you doing with that knife?