Ayu wrote:I'm in a discussion with a person about ethical conduct and non-violence.Often I have only the choice between a) telling him my honest thoughts about his furious thinking, speaking and acting orb) keeping silent.In case a) he feels offended, while case b) is something like maximum penalty, because he has not much buddhist friends, maybe even none, but I feel he needs this discussions desperately.

Now, when he feels offended, he beats back. The dernier cri is he tries to discuss about my spiritual buddhist daily practice. He tries to put me down to have advantage over me, and I see here it becomes difficult for me. Maybe now I have said all that had to be said and should keep him alone with this. Or am I running away?But I see/feel: my practice is mine. It's nearly the only thing, that is mine and important in this crazy world. I should not let him spoil my energy. Is that understandable? If I discuss if my practice is useful or not, it will spoil the inspiration unconciously. I experienced that already and it took me much painful time to restore the contact to the deepness of my practice.

I think, I am not yet strong enough for such discussions and have to protect myself. On the other hand I have the avid desire to help him and not neglect him as he is a suffering being.

Has anybody similar experiences?

Ayu,

dear heart, I've been challenged by friends like this. It's not all that important if you maintain a relationship with them or not. You will know what is good for you, and them. It really doesn't matter if you drop the need to change them.

The precious question is.... is it your practice. Is it really yours? What if it's not. Can you follow the practice and the life that is yours joyfully.

There's a middle way between taking everything he throws at you and breaking-off the relationship completely. You can just walk out of the room when he starts getting annoying. Just stand up and say "It was a nice evening, but now I think our conversation is getting a bit out of hand, so I think we should just leave it at that. See you next Friday." Of course that's easier to type than to say... if he's as narcissistic as you say he is, that alone can make him quite aggressive, if you're afraid of the confrontation you can also walk out without saying anything. But then again I would ask myself if this is really a friendship Anyway, when people annoy me regularly I prefer to meet either at their place or at neutral ground, so I can walk out any time I want to.

"Forget about being clever, and simply remain." Guru Rinpoche, Treasures from Juniper Ridge

Ayu wrote:I'm in a discussion with a person about ethical conduct and non-violence.Often I have only the choice between a) telling him my honest thoughts about his furious thinking, speaking and acting orb) keeping silent.In case a) he feels offended, while case b) is something like maximum penalty, because he has not much buddhist friends, maybe even none, but I feel he needs this discussions desperately.

Now, when he feels offended, he beats back. The dernier cri is he tries to discuss about my spiritual buddhist daily practice. He tries to put me down to have advantage over me, and I see here it becomes difficult for me. Maybe now I have said all that had to be said and should keep him alone with this. Or am I running away?But I see/feel: my practice is mine. It's nearly the only thing, that is mine and important in this crazy world. I should not let him spoil my energy. Is that understandable? If I discuss if my practice is useful or not, it will spoil the inspiration unconciously. I experienced that already and it took me much painful time to restore the contact to the deepness of my practice.

I think, I am not yet strong enough for such discussions and have to protect myself. On the other hand I have the avid desire to help him and not neglect him as he is a suffering being.

Has anybody similar experiences?

Yes. Actually, I tried to make a cat from a dog, or something like that. It never works.

How crazy the world may look, we can only solve all that from 'within', not from 'without'. At least in this way I think to understand the Buddha.Therefore one’s own practice is the only way to open the opportunity to help. Going in conversation with a mind not open or not interested, that mind is going to take advantage to make it sound useless or whatever idea.

Patience and compassion are very great, but maybe these need not always communication about dharma. I heard that only mindful presence, is already perfect help regarding peace.

If someone lights off on an anti Buddhist rant, I let them rant. If it's a long rant, I'll start dissecting it while I'm waiting. I note the anger, what it's connected to, that it is linked to exaggeration, that it is aimed at precisely the kind of inherently-existing ego that is the object of negation and so on. At the end, I just say

May you be wellMay you be happyMay you be free from suffering.

If you actually mean it, it is quite effective, whether the rant continues or not.