How to Follow Your Heart

This article was co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC. Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.

There are 16 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.

Listening to your heart is not always easy, especially in a busy and demanding culture. But in spite of life trying to pull you in a million directions, there are ways you can carve out a sacred space for yourself. You can do your best to live according to your heart's desire, which will help you enjoy the life you live and be more present to the people around you.

Make a list of things you want to accomplish. A "bucket list" can help you figure out which direction your heart wants to go in. Try to set goals that you are likely to be able to accomplish (not "be the first human on Mars"). This list can be a great source of inspiration when you are searching for meaningful events to work toward in your life. If it's truly from the heart, it will reflect some of your deepest interests and aspirations.[1]

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Create an open space. The first step to getting in touch with your heart in a deeper way is to give your heart the time and space to speak up. It's important to sit still without distractions for your heart to be able to let itself be heard. You may want to create an intentional place where you can go to just sit. If you have an extra room in your house, you can light some candles and create a comfortable environment for this task.[2]

Listen to your heart. Once you've set the right conditions, you can begin to do the work of being mindfully open to your heart. You may want to ask yourself a question, such as "what am I feeling under the surface right now?" Wait a while after you ask the question to see if a response bubbles up from your heart. This kind of practice will help your heart, and your inner desire, express itself.[3]

You can also use a technique called Focusing, which is great for getting in touch with your body.[4] Here's how to do Focusing:

Once you've cleared the space and asked what's going on inside you, pay attention to what your body answers with. Don't try to explore it, just notice it from a distance. For instance, you may feel a tightness in your chest when you ask what's going on underneath the surface. Notice it from a distance.

Put a handle on the sensation. This is usually in the form of a word or short phrase. For instance, you can say "tightness" or "chest pressure" or "tension." Keep trying words out until it seems to fit the sensation.

Go back and forth between the sensation and the word that describes it. Check and see how they interact. See if the body sensation changes a little bit when you have an accurate name for it.

Ask yourself what's causing this sensation. What is it about your life right now that's causing you to feel tight in your chest? Don't grasp for an answer, just let the response bubble up. This may not happen the first time. Focusing can take practice, but this is a great series of steps to help you open yourself to your heart and everything that's going on inside you.

Set aside time each day. A hectic life can really dampen your ability to follow your heart. Take time out of your day, every day, for yourself. Don't let anything else impose on this time. What you do with it is up to you, but here are a few suggestions:

Meditate. There are a number of mental and physical health benefits to meditating, such as lower blood pressure and lower stress.[5] Try sitting upright for at least 10 minutes in a quiet place. Focus on one thing, such as the sensation of air going in and out of your nostrils, or an object like a pencil. When your attention leaves the object, gently remind yourself to return.[6]

Take a long bath. Relaxing in water has similar effects to other relaxation techniques. It's a great way to wind down. You can use this time to reflect on your life, or just enjoy the silence and sensation of a warm bath.[7]

Have a coffee date with a friend. You may not get to spend as much time catching up with friends as you would like. Use this "you time" to invite a cherished friend to have lunch or coffee with you.

Find interests that activate your heart. Society places a big emphasis on the brain. It says that you should "think before you act" and make good, rational decisions. However, this doesn't leave much room for your intuition or your heart. These things can make life enjoyable rather than routine and efficient. Finding activities that touch your heart can help keep the pathway open, rather than only engaging the world with your brain.

For instance, if you like to read, make sure to allow time for reading in your schedule. Ask your friends for recommendations of good books. A poetry collection can be especially evocative.

If you're more of a movie buff, check out some highly rated films that will tug on your heart-strings.

Spending time in nature is another good option; it can help you feel more alive and in touch with yourself.[8]

Seek therapy if it seems helpful. If the problems blocking you from following your heart seem more serious than you can deal with on your own, or with help from a friend, consider seeing a therapist. Many therapists deal with this kind of problem on a regular basis. If you had a traumatic childhood, a bad marriage, or if you've just collapsed under a ton of stress, therapy can help you rediscover your heart and feel more alive.[9]

Somatic experiencing therapy is similar to Focusing, where you focus on sensations in your body rather than thoughts and memories.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy can help you examine fixed thoughts and beliefs that may be preventing you from following your heart.

Ask friends for help. Sometimes it's hard to break through to where your heart is all on your own. Enlist the help of a friend for this task. You can actually do Focusing with a friend, where you go through the steps together and report what happens. You can also just talk about what's going on in your life right now and express your desire to get more in touch with your heart. See if she has any advice for you. Talking it out can also help, because expressing your emotions in words has a powerful effect.[10]

For example, you can say "Hey, I feel like I'm not really following my heart in my life right now. I could really use someone to talk to about this. Would you be willing to help?"

Live your own life. It's easy to live our lives in response to pressure from other people, such as friends, family, a spouse, or even kids. If you want to follow your heart, make sure you are living according to your own desires rather than what other people want from you. This is actually one of the most commonly reported regrets from people who are on their deathbeds.[11]

Ask yourself, "is this what I truly want, or am I doing it for someone else in spite of myself?"

There's nothing wrong with being generous and doing things for other people, of course, but you've got to find a balance where you are being true to yourself when you are being kind and helping others. Otherwise, however good your intentions, you can easily burn out and lose your connection to your heart.

Commit yourself to your path. Changing your mind can be an easy way out of difficult situations, but if you always back out, you'll never learn from your mistakes or make any progress. It's important to commit to the path you're on in life. Commitment will give you the strength to carry on in the face of difficulty. Following your heart isn't always supposed to be easy.<[12] If you feel a ton of resistance toward this kind of commitment, whether it's to education or a particular career, then it might be a good idea to examine whether you're really following your heart.

Avoid mistaking natural resistance and difficulty with this kind of greater resistance. It's normal to feel disheartened sometimes, even if you're on the right path for you. If you aren't sure if you're doing the right thing, try asking someone you trust, such as a close friend or family member.

Clean and organize your personal space. You might be surprised by how much your environment affects your mood. Color, for instance, can have a big effect on how people feel.[13] Make sure your home is clean and well organized. Paint the walls a different color if you don't like them. Decorate with artwork that inspires you and provokes a "beauty response." Have pictures of your loved ones around. Doing these simple home organization techniques will change how you feel and make it easier to access your true desire. Clutter and a poor environment can cause clutter in your mind, which will restrict your ability to follow your heart.

Engage in expressive activities. There are a number of creative activities you can do to get in touch with your heart. The goal here is to open yourself to your heart, or your innermost desire. Styles of self-expression like those used in art therapy can help you become more open to yourself and your heart. Here are a few ideas for things you can do:

Music. Try joining a choir or taking guitar lessons.

Art. Take a painting class or learn how to sculpt.

Dance. Enroll in a salsa class or even exercise-dancing classes at the gym.

Drama. See if there's any open theater groups around you that you can join. Acting is a great way to express your creativity.

Free-write. Life can cause your true desires and your daily routines to get crusted over with obligations and expectations. A practice like free-writing can help you access your heart and begin to develop a closer relationship with this essential part of yourself.

Choose a topic and write it at the top of a piece of paper. The topic can be one word, like "travel," or it can be a short statement, like "what I think about traveling." Set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes and try to write about the topic without putting much thought into what you're doing. Don't plan ahead of time. The goal is to let your unconscious mind take over for you rather than letting the control center part of your brain hold the reins.[14]

Practice mindfulness. There are two different ways you can live your life: being and doing. The "doing" mode is what many people find themselves stuck in a lot of the time. It's a necessary mode for our fast-paced, high-stress culture, and it's actually very useful for keeping up. However, the "doing" mode can make it hard to listen to your needs and slow down enough to enjoy life. Mindfulness meditation can help you strengthen the "being" mode of your life, which is the mode that will help you begin to follow your heart.[15]

Sit in a comfortable, upright position. Get used to this position for a few minutes. Begin to pay attention to what's going on in your experience. You will have a lot of stray thoughts, body sensations, and seemingly random emotional surges. Pay attention to all of these things and anything else that happens, doing your best to take a "curious" stance toward them, where you don't need to react to them. Pretend you're a scientist and you want to observe this experience without intervening. Once you've done this in a safe, quiet, sitting environment, you can try it in your daily life while you're doing other things.[16]

Make a big move. Based on your bucket list and overall life goals, decide to make a big move if necessary. This could be going back to school for more education, moving to another city with better opportunities or family close by, or quitting your job to do something that resonates more closely with your heart's desire. It may be a good idea to talk to your friends and family about the move before you start shifting gears, to see what they think and enlist their support.

Make small changes. You don't necessarily have to make big changes to change your life and begin to follow your heart. See if there are little things you can do in your daily routine to feel more attuned to yourself and your desire. For instance, you may want to spend more time with your friends, or spend less time in front of the TV. Consult your bucket list to see if there are minor adjustments you can make to your life in order to achieve what you really want out of it.

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Community Q&A

I like a shy guy, but I don't know if he likes me back. For two weeks he talked to me, and another week he ignored me. My gut feeling says he likes me, but his behavior makes me frustrated. What should I do?

Donagan

Top Answerer

Invite him to join you in some activity. If he declines, wait awhile and invite him again to some other activity. His reaction(s) will tell you all you need to know about the relationship.

About This Article

This article was co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC. Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.

The best way to follow your heart is to listen to what you want and not to what your head says other people expect of you so you can be free to do what you care about. Since this is harder than it sounds, practice listening to your heart to ask yourself regularly what you truly feel. You can do this using a technique called “focusing,” which lets you interpret your body’s feelings. Start by sitting somewhere quiet, then ask yourself: “What am I feeling under the surface right now?”. Without judgment, let your body respond, and notice things like your tight chest or clenched fists. Try to describe your body’s reaction, like “tension” or “restriction”. You can now use your description to assess what’s happening in your life to indicate what changes you need to make to stay true to yourself.