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Conflicting communication patterns between men and women are both a cause and a consequence of past hostilities. For the past five years, I have continuously conducted research on and monitored workplace communication problems between men and women. I used a descriptive survey that posed several questions to 500 participants, an equal number of men and women from a variety of different work settings. The initial question asked was, “Are there communication problems between men and women in the work setting that you think arise primarily from gender differences?” Sixty-seven percent of respondents said, “Yes.” When asked what were the three most common communication problems between men and women, respondents answered:

Men are too authoritarian

Men don’t take women seriously

Women are too emotional

. . . If men and women are going to be more effective in understanding each other, influencing each other and working together, then each sex needs to become more skilled in changing the natural communication pattern and adapting to the other gender.

"...People’s internal conversation usually falls into one of three categories:

I’m not good enough

You’re not OK

Why bother? Nothing’ll change anyway

There are Olyimpic caliber negative thinkers who can fall into all three of these categories, sequentially or at the same time. The first pattern, I’m not good enough, refers to a patterns of thinking where most of the internal conversation involves putting oneself down in various ways. Perhaps you’ve disagreed with a coworker, Selena, on the best way to accomplish a task. You did it your way, but since then, you can feel the tension between you. You’d like to say something to her, but you’re afraid. When you’re thinking about communicating directly with Selena, your internal monologue might sound like this:

I’ll sound like an idiot. I’m going to stumble over my words, and not say it right. I know I’ll hurt her feelings and then she’ll always be mad at me. I should let this go. I’m being oversensitive by even letting it bother me. As usual, I’m making a mountain out of a molehill. I should never have let it go this far anyway. ...

WELCOME TO IWO!

It's the beginning of the third year of intelligentwomenonly.com I've started off with some retrospective posts as a reminder to me and you that this blog started out focused on understanding and eliminating negative self-talk. Not surprising since my current book project is Handbook #l for Intelligent Women: Break the Negative Self-Talk Habit.Strong beliefs underlie intelligentwomenonly.com posts:• Research based advice/suggestions/content contain more accurate facts and greater value than pop psychology.• Intelligent girls and women are more likely than intelligent boys and men to limit themselves because of their self-talk.• Negative self-talk is a bad habit, not a neurosis or psychosis. Unfortunately, it's normal in a majority of girls and women.

•The negative self-talk habit has to be eliminated before realistic (or positive thinking) can be learned and maintained.• Positive self-talk cannot create a positive reality even if the negative self-talk habit is broken.• Self-help approaches can work for changing thinking, feeling, and behavioral habits.In the next nine months of 2012, I would love to be able to tell you that the book will be published this year or next. In the meantime I've become intrigued with new brain research about thinking and emotions, particularly applicable and useful for and to women. I'll post no more about gender differences, unless they're wildly interesting, and more about intelligent women's psychology, thinking, feelings, and out front actions. I've added a new red subject box, Writers and Writing, targeted specifically for writers, of course!

I'm still looking for some controversy, disagreement, new information from readers. I'm open to your thoughts about what you'd like to hear more about — or less about!Please send me your comments, suggestions, questions, criticisms — all of you intelligent women out there!