Twisted Thoughts

Ever wonder if other infertile women think the way you do? I’m talking about those really crazy, twisted thoughts we sometimes feel. The ones we don’t speak out loud and cringe to even be thinking them.

You know the ones. I know you do.

The thoughts that would prompt a knowing nod or laughter from other infertiles…and condemnation from the rest of society.

Here are some thoughts I have maybe had on my lowest days… {queue disgusted face}

-Peeling the stick figure families off those minivans. Would you spare the pets or just leave the couple standing alone? I flipping LOATH stick figure families on the back of cars. I mean really….

-Buying a sort of ugly baby outfit you know, the ones with tons of bows on it…or a Diaper genie… for a baby or shower gift because the thought of 100+ dirty diapers crammed into the nursery corner would bring me a shred of comfort during an unbearably painful event.

-Running into the back of a minivan with a “Baby on Board” plaque. I really don’t think you need a sign that screams that considering you are driving a freakin’ minivan.

-When I see a kid’s “binky” go missing in a public place, maybe I let the inattentive Mom scramble a bit to find it so she can learn her lesson.

-Have you ever been in such a bad mood that, instead of mustering a smile, you actually kind of “stared down” a baby when its mom wasn’t looking…and it cried? And you didn’t feel guilty?

-While shopping in a store and a toddler is running around pulling everything off the shelves while Mom is chasing behind franticly picking up after it. Maybe I smile to myself. It’s nice to enjoy my Trader Joes visit calm, cool, and collected.

If you related to any of the above scenarios…or have your own list…it doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human. Occasional jealous or angry thoughts are common when you are infertile. No judgments here.

Is it bad that sometimes I hope some people I know would experience infertility, if only for a short while, so they would learn something and change the presumptuous tones they use when discussing their presumed future babies? Or that said people would learn that their incessant facebook posts regarding their babies and taking full credit for their existence is foolhardy at best?

Loved this post! I won’t deny it. I am human. My brother and his wife just got a hot tub. First thought in my mind: ohhh maybe it will mess with his sperm and they will face secondary infertility. Shame on me! But, sometimes it’s just a longing for understanding and the ability to relate.

I totally saw a pregnant lady at work today, she looked like the felt miserable. I delighted in that. I watched her walk by and grinned. I’m not sure if I’m ashamed or not. I’m thinking not. Twisted, indeed.

I have felt a lot of these! I have a tendency to mean mug anyone who even appears to have a baby bump. And when someone continually brings their pregnancies into conversations I tell them I don’t know what it’s like, my pregnancies didn’t last that long (and then love to watch them struggle with how to proceed with the topic). I have also been known to counter every pregnancy post with an infertility post