House Rules: How to drive in London

Supercar central. Traffic warden terror. Rain a certainty.

Venturing into central London by car? Don't forget to pay the congestion charge—£10 ($16) on the day, £12 ($19) if paid the following day, and £120 ($190) if you don't bother.

Ignore the above if you're a U.S. diplomat. They've racked up £6 million ($9 million) in unpaid fines since the scheme began in 2003, citing diplomatic immunity.

Watch for speed cameras. London got Britain's first in 1992, and the buggers have been around ever since. At least they're yellow, which makes them easy to see.

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Pregnant, stuck in traffic, and desperate to pee? Don't flag down a policeman—that legend about being able to whiz in his helmet is hokum.

That big bridge with the towers you see on all the tourist tat? It's Tower Bridge, not London Bridge, which is further west. Well, the new one is. The previous one was sold, dismantled, and shipped to Arizona in the 1960s, where it featured in a theme park.

Resident parking restrictions often make it tricky to find a place to dump your car. If you do, prepare yourself for a good half-hour grappling with the pay-by-text-message system that replaced the trusty coin meter.

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Driving etiquette is different from other U.K. cities. Wait to be flashed out at a junction and you'll run out of fuel, die of malnutrition, and turn to dust before moving. Be firm and pushy and you'll be fine.

Stay alert: Massively unchecked immigration over the past 20 years means you'll encounter questionable driving from people who must have gotten their licenses by post.

Give a black-cab ride at least one go, if only to experience how slow, noisy, and impossibly crude it is. It's like hitching a ride on a dust-bowl flatbed.