Will farm's new fibers change lives?

September 21, 2007|ByJerry Nelson, Special to the Farm Forum

Well! It seems that our household has now officially joined the 21st century. About a year ago our phonecompany plowed fiber optic cable to our doorstep as part of its "fiber to the farm" project. During this past year I have often glanced at the small gray box they fastened to the outside wall of our house and wondered how those so-called "optics" work and what high speed Internet and cable TV might do to our lives. This is a quantum leap from our primitive copper phone lines. They differed little from the stuff Alexander Graham Bell was using when he suffered a small accident in his lab and made the very first telephone call by uttering those immortal words, "Beam me up, Scotty!" Bell was to have little time to celebrate. The very next evening, his supper was interrupted by a telemarketer who was peddling buggy whips at low factory discount prices. A few days prior to our installation I got a call from the phone company. They wanted to make sure that someone responsible would be at our house during the process, but I told them that I was the only one available. I was also asked how many computers we had and was advised to buy a router. So, I went to one of those "big box" stores and buttonholed a clerk and informed him that I needed a router. "What sort of things do you plan to do with it?" he asked. "Well, du-uh! I plan to use it to connect my laptop to the Internet!" "In that case, you'd better go to Electronics. This is Woodworking Tools." The day of our hookup dawned clear and cool. "At last!" I thought as I sipped my morning coffee. "I'll finally get to see why all the hullabaloo about You Tube! It will no longer take an hour to download a two-minute video clip! And we'll have cable TV!" A small tear of joy escaped my eye. A nice young man - whose last name, appropriately, was Voeltz - arrived at our house to wire it for Internet and cable TV. This involved crawling into our crawl space and hacking through 15 years' worth of cobwebs. I apologized for the cobwebs. "That's OK," he said, "I've seen a lot worse." Perhaps. But I think he was just being nice. After a mere three hours, our house was all wiredup. I was wired too. "Can I try it now? Can I? Huh?" I asked as I hopped from one foot to the other. At long last! Internet at the speed of light! Cable TV! I couldn't wait to show my wife. She was duly impressed. "The Travel Channel!" she murmured as we surfed. "The History Channel! Oh, look, the Discovery Channel! You'll like that one!" All those channel selections made us feel as if wewere staying in a hotel. We agreed that we may never leave the house again. I even tried out Google Earth and was relieved to learn that our messy yard cannot, in fact, be seen from space. But then - you knew there was going to be a "but" didn't you? - the next afternoon our fancy-schmancy high- speed fiber optic cable connection ran out of steam. I was swiftly gripped by withdrawal symptoms. "It isn't fair!" I moaned to my wife. "I just got hooked on their high-speed dope and now I can't have it! This is cruel and unusual!" I called Tech Support. I was told to unplugthis thingamabob and reboot that doohickey -- all to no avail. Our TV picture was digital gibberish; its audio sounded like a robot speaking from the depths of a gigantic steel drum. "Would it help," I asked the tech guy, "If I stood on one foot and held up a coat hanger? Or is there something wrong with the cable? Maybe it's low on fiber." Internet and TV withdrawal were eroding my thought processes. The problem somehow resolved itself and I was soon able to log onto You Tube and watch a video entitled "Cows With G uns," which I found both diverting and disturbing. I could go on, but I've got things to do. More than an hour has passed since I've mainlined anything from the Cartoon Network and I'm beginning to feel a tad bit twitchy. If you'd like to contact Jerry to do some public speaking or just to register your comments, you can email him at: jjpcnels@itctel.com