Category Archives: Being a mum of 2 boys

Skateboarding – it looks so easy doesn’t it?

Our eldest son decided a couple of years ago that he wanted to learn the art of skateboarding. He had seen the pro’s make it look so easy on the tv and he decided that it looked fun too. I mean how hard can it be to propel yourself at such speeds with what appears to be little or not effort?

I was happy for him to get one on the basis that he can do it when his dad is about. We originally started off with pushing him along to get the feel of the balance and the steering. Whilst it’s like a scooter…it’s not. I could see myself being the engine and pushing him around the entire village, whilst looking after our other son whizzing about on his scooter and our 2 dogs.

We also haven’t pushed him to do it (except when he is getting frustrated and we are on the opposite end of the village to our house and he either carries it home himself or valiantly continues skateboarding home!) The boys are given an option of scooters or bikes if we are heading out and then every now and then, our eldest son asks if he can take his skateboard out.

We’re really lucky in that our little village doesn’t have any through traffic and is set in the shape of a square. So, most of the time you can take up the whole road in the knowledge that the majority of people coming through it are coming or going from home. We also generally tend to have the boys in high vis vests and believe me, these have come in handy on more than one occasion. Generally, folks tend to slow right down if they see them.

Last weekend, with a break in the sudden onslaught of rain and wind, we took the opportunity to get some fresh air and he asked if he could go skateboarding. There are a couple of gentle slopes where you can use gravity to do most of the work. He is able to gently push himself along and it’s a slow process to build up speed from his own leg pushes, but he does really well on the hills. He’s learnt the art of jumping off and running to avoid a fall now and can turn left and right and go around the corners.

It will be great when he has the power to full speed along and not have to concentrate too much on all the aspects of skateboarding and enjoy the view. What is lovely is that he is enjoying it at his own pace.

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Pigeon Pairs – are they the bee all and end all?

I wrote a post a while ago on pigeon pairs – check it out to give some clarity on my thought processes.

I’m a boy mom and love the title and all that goes with it. Our boys are now 8 and practically 6 and we have such a great time doing loads of boy (and girl!)stuff. Yes, I am the only girl in our house and give most things a go.

I know for a fact, that their are loads of girl dad’s who are in the same boat and wouldn’t change their world. They too find themselves doing girl (and boy) stuff and love the time and memories they have with daughters.

So, when I am still asked whether we are going to ‘try for a girl’ or I hear people saying ‘ooo! a perfect pigeon pair’ when someone has a baby that is the opposite sex to the child they currently have, I have to turn and walk away.

There is no point in trying to explain that a healthy baby is the most important thing of the entire family creation process and that whilst it’s human nature to label everything and anything, a ‘perfect’ pigeon pair to some is not what every parent thinks of as perfection.

I have mentioned our boys age, and so I can sort of see when they were toddlers, that the question of having more children may have been a bit more ‘acceptable’ to ask. But…asking me about it now, means one of 2 things :

Maybe, we have been trying to have another baby and not been successful (this is NOTthe case!!)

We’re happy with our family the way we are and don’t need to explain that principle (this IS the case!!)

Just to be clear, we are not doing number 1, but what happens if whoever asks someone who is in that situation? How thoughtless!

The flip side of all of this nonsense talk is that there are loads of people who would give their right arm for just a child…1! You just have to look at the latest news with the Australian/Thai surrogacy items.

I think you are blessed with what you are blessed with. One thing I am going to carry on doing, is making sure that when someone asks me ‘Oh, you have 2 boys. Are you going to try for a girl?’ and it’s in front of our boys, is to remain calm and give them the honest answer of ‘No, we’re super happy with our boys and wouldn’t change a thing!’

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It’s been a sporting filled week for us and we’ve had very busy boys who just seem to have the energy to match all the things they have had on. It all started last Saturday when they went to their tennis lesson followed by playing loads of football at a school party. Followed by cricket on Sunday morning and another football filled afternoon at another party. This week they have had their various after school clubs but in between there have been some inter-school tournaments and yesterday topped it all off for our eldest son with an Olympics based all day games, followed by multiskills club after school and then a cricket match from 6-8:30pm and he was moaning in between all of this that he wanted to play badmington! I have decided that we are doing nothing much this weekend (apart from tennis and cricket …I don’t think I would have happy boys if they couldn’t go) . I can’t wait for the school holidays for us all to catch up on some chilling and just being. Mind you, with our busy boys that is sometimes hard but their little bodies and minds need to have the time and space to do that. What I do love, is that they recognise it and know that there is at least one day in the holidays where we have a pyjama / duvet day and they watch at least 2 films (sometimes 3!) in one day. They have, in previous holidays, asked for a pj day and…I don’t mind one bit!!

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It may come as a complete and utter surprise or an exclaimation that is unbelievable (especially to children!) but…I am going to put this out there that grown ups don’t know everything!

Yes, I see the frown on your face ( you stopped reading for a second and wondered whether you had a frown didn’t you?)

We like to pretend we know everything and we can’t have our children thinking that there are things we don’t know because, well, they just might use that snippet of knowledgelessness to gain an advantage over us parents. (I’ll ask Oxford to add it to their list of new words in their next edition) .

A friend of ours’ child, recently enlightened me with a story I hadn’t heard before. It was about an American Indian folklore of sorts where the story is about the 2 wolves inside you. One is a bad wolf (think of the usual suspects that come to mind like greed, jealousy etc) and the other a good wolf (kindness, love etc). It’s a great tale and the moral of the story is about feeding the good wolf rather than the bad one.

The other bit of enlightment that I also watched was the children at our school singing a beautiful song called ‘As One’ which is about listening to each other, getting on and basically learning from each other.

There have been a few others that have made me stop and think. These two examples are generally aimed at children and in so many ways should be aimed at their parents or the grown ups around them. I so often see children that are spoken at rather than with. My heart swells at times when I hear the message the children have to give. I just wish, grown ups would open their ears and listen to them!

When the boys were smaller, I used to tell them that ‘Mums know everything’ and they would nod and agree. As time went by, our youngest son started to test this theory out. Could I see what he was doing under the table or he would ask a question that I had no idea the answer was and then very proudly point out ‘ See! Mom’s don’t know everything!’

Now, I give the answer ‘I don’t know’ and the boys ask ‘Why don’t you know?’ My answer is because grown ups don’t know everything and that grown ups don’t always do the right thing either.

Clever clogs then piped up ‘Yes, because they are also learning to be grown ups just like we are learning to be children’.

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Noun : A domestic fowl kept for its eggs or meat
Mass noun : Meat from a chicken as in roast chicken OR informal A game in which the first person to lose their nerve and withdraw from a dangerous situation is the loser:he was killed by a car after he lay in the road playing chicken

Adjective : Cowardly:I was too chicken to go to court

Verb : Withdraw from or fail in something through lack of nerve:the referee chickened out of giving a penalty

And there are a host of chicken-related phrases that they have too…

The above chickens are the ones that are at our local village school and they provide a variety of entertainment and opportunities for discussion on our walk home or on the weekends when it is our turn to tend to them.

The lastest discussion is what caused me to go and find the definition of a chicken. The boys were chatting about food and we somehow got to the part where ( I generalise in my food ingredients here) sausages are made from pigs, hamburgers are made from cows and chicken is made from chickens. (Brave subject with a 7 & 5 year old!)

The youngest declares that we do not eat chickens! So the eldest pipes up, very officially, that we do and went through the what is made from which animal part of the discussion again- by which time we were home.

I haven’t yet seen the side effects of the conversation, nor has it cropped up again. So for the moment, I sigh with relief and carry on cooking the sausages, chicken etc.

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Throwing Stones

Throwing Stones…we are forever telling children to NOT THROW STONES! In shouty voices I rather suspect. But is is all bad ?

Well, yes it is dangerous and it can injur someone or an animal (especially if a catapult is used and I am highly against catty’s as we call them in our house). Our children must learn there is a right way and wrong way to do something and have that internal monitor within themselves to figure out which is which.

So, when the rain finally stopped and the boys and I took the girls (aka our dogs) for a lovely long walk, the boys spotted the ‘safe spot’ for throwing stones. They know the check that there is enough space between them and that nobody is coming past and there are no animals that they can see in the field.

The hunt for their ‘perfect throwing stone’ begins and they can be there for ages trying to beat each other as to who threw the furthest or highest (note the cycle helmuts stay on haha!). Interestingly enough, there is no fighting as to who won as they are too busy looking for the next stone!

Watching the sense of freedom along with building the skillsof throwing accurately is lovely to watch, but knowing that the boys are learning other life skills, like dealing with danger or figuring out whether something is safe to do or not for themselves is an even better skill that they are learning.

So, back to my original question : Throwing stones – is it all that bad?

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Wicken Fen is a National Trust Property in Ely, Cambridgeshire and we just love spending time there with the boys.

Over Christmas time, my parents came over to stay and they love bird watching and my mom has taken up photography and so what better place to spend a non-rainy day. It was windy mind but not raining!

We love the fact that there is always something to see or find. The folks at Wicken Fen always have an activity or search going on and the boys take it very seriously as the promise of a sticker if they spot all the items is not to be under estimated!

There are a couple of watch towers which are super to climb and on arrival is their famous windmill en route to a bird hide. Now I am not suggesting the boys are able to sit quiet for long enough in a bird hide but the excitement of going into one is just too sweet!

On non-muddy days we take a picnic and do massive square, stopping and resting along the way and on colder, wintry days we stick the to boardwalk which means a little less mud (or a whole lot less mud!).

I have only ever once spotted the wild horses and it’s their magic that keeps me on the look out for them time and time again. In the Summer the canals are full of dragon flys and other insects.

After a leisurely stroll, and of course ensuring we have spotted everything on the spot list, we head back to the cafe for a nice warm hot chocolate and to collect the stickers!

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Ah…the countryside and an idyllic place to just smell the fresh air and cow dung. Oops! I meant smell the fresh air and walk into some great things that will teach you and your kids a lesson or two.

I have previously posted about various ways of learning and I am a great advocate of learning with real tools. How else would you learn to ride a bike with no hands or that ocean currents are extremely strong even though you can see them?

Every Summer, some of the fields near our house are filled with some beautiful cows and their calves. It really is a lovely sight to see and a great change to walks and thought processes. Apart from the boys learning that animals (no matter how big) should be respected (just as the sea should be I might add), there are a few other things they could learn along the way.

Cow pats stink and provide a lot of hard work to remove from shoes if you don’t watch out for them!

Just because an animal looks docile, does not mean it is.

If you look carefully, there is wire with spikes on it that will hurt if you just ran into it but provides us with useful protection at the same time.

Sometimes, touching and feeling things gives you a better understanding and if you are careful when doing so, it won’t hurt. (apologies for the fuzziness of the photo – I was concentrating on the fingers and barbed wire!)

There are some things in life that are better learned from experience and well of course there are others that are better learnt from books (like snake bites hurt and can kill!) I want the boys to have the freedom to enjoy themselves at the same time as learning to keep an eye out for the hidden elements, both good and bad.

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The Age Rating for Movies system or Film Classifications, ever paid much attention to them? I mean REALLY paid attention to them?

In truth, neither had I until recently. I usually think Disney film and family friendly go hand in hand and this is true. I don’t check the rating as they say PG and I think ‘perfect for the boys’. I mean, I trust the age rating for movie system. Or should I say trusted.

Sitting eating popcorn and waiting for the movie to start and there is a written announcement that all trailors are age appropriate or suitable for viewing under the classification of the film we are about to watch. Still sitting there thinking – ah! great! we won’t have to worry too much.

WRONG!

The Harry Hill Movie trailor comes on and has references such as ‘lick your own bum’, ‘no strippergrams on a week night’ and has a scene of chickens using real looking machine guns that are shooting away at Harry Hill!!!!

Now I don’t know about you, but our 7 and 5 year old should not be hearing or seeing things like that. I am sorry! We were there to watch Frozen and I would not put references like those I mention above in a similar category to a family friendly musical movie. Granted, I found parts of frozen a little scary but come on!

As you can tell, I am not overly amused and I don’t find it acceptable for children to be exposed to visuals or references that are inappropriate like strippergrams or licking ones behind!

Both Frozen and The Harry Hill Movie are given a PG rating. According to the BBFC :

What sort of themes are passed at PG?

No theme is prohibited at PG, as long as it is treated in a manner appropriate to the category. PG works can explore challenging issues such as domestic violence, bereavement or racism.

In a PG work, illegal or antisocial behaviour, such as bullying, will not be condoned or seen to go unchallenged. Smoking and drinking will not be promoted or glamorised and if child characters are seen smoking or drinking, there should be a clear message that this is bad. If drugs are mentioned or seen, a PG work should emphasise that they are harmful.

It makes no mention of sexual innuendos or references of any kind…and looking at their insight into each of the following films:

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Puddles, puddles everywhere and not a drop to drink! Or something along those lines!

Our daily walk to and from school involves me thinking, ‘I have the same conversation every morning about avoiding the puddles and I would have thought by now that the boys have understood this instruction.’

I would imagine the boys thought process on their walk to and from school is the same which is ‘oooh! Puddle! I am sure I can make it over that one today…it looks a big bigger than the last time I jumped over it but I’ll give it a go!’

Different points of view ring a bell? My honest thought process is that on the way to school I would like them to avoid said puddles and on the way home I am not bothered that much if we are going straight home. There is no time like the present and if they want to jump about and experiment with various Physics forces and not realise it – well then all the more the merrier.

There’s nothing that a warm bath, hot chocolate and the good ol’ washing machine that can’t fix the mud and cold (even when you are in your school uniform!). Clothes will come and go but memories last forever!