Captain, would you please help me with your reading?

I just posted "Is He Pulling Scopio Hot & Cold Trick On Me? I'm Hurting. Pls Help!" seeking some insights from Scorpio experts. And I realize that everyone is asking for your reading help. Would you kindly help me with your reading? My boyfriend is 11/09/77 and I am10/27/61.

Thank you so much!

Fyi, below is the copy of my post:

We have been dating for 10 months, 9 of which is a long distance relationship. When we started dating we knew I was moving out of the state starting a new chapter in life. My marriage of 9 years ended 2 years prior but never dated anyone until I met him. I knew it was counter-intuitive to start a long distance relationship (believe me it was the last thing I was looking for that time) but I felt strongly about him. He made me feel safe and feminine. After our 2nd date he was already asking me if I wanted him to visit me. When he took me to the airport he said "I will miss you. I will see you again and I don't say those things unless I mean it."

As much as I missed him over the summer it was very difficult for me as he turned out to be very uncommunicative. He only contacted me once a week or so (sometimes no contact for 2 weeks) just to say hello. Most of his texts were also very short "Good Morning" or "Good Night." When I told him how much I missed him he would say something like "our feelings are mutual" "likewise"! But then he would text me "I want to see you more than you may think" then again he goes silent. My girlfriend nicknamed him a Fire Department because he responded quickly when I sent him distressed texts feeling too lonely or sick. I have to say I was very patient with him and did not confront him as I thought we were not there yet.

When I left it was too soon to discuss or to define our relationship so I did not know where we stood. I almost gave up thinking it was not going to work. After all I am a Scorpio and I was afraid to get hurt, but I just could not let go. I wanted to believe what he told me and what I felt in my gut.

It was not until November that he finally came to see me. We had the most amazing time together. He told me nothing had changed since I left and did not know why he did not contact me more often. He thanked me for being so patience telling me he was very focused on work and it was the first time in months he had time to visit. When I told him that I thought he was leading me on he said "I don't do that. I would have called you to tell you we should be friends if it was the case but I did not do that, did I? You worry too much." We never talked about our age difference as we look about the same age and I was hesitant to tell him(it was secretive of me.) He confronted me "Why secret? We are passed that! If I am not too young for you your age does not matter to me." We had a discussion to be exclusive during his stay. I took a good care of him and he made me feel very safe and warm. So far so good....

As soon as he went back home we booked a flight so that he can come back on January. Between his 2 visits he called and texted me every day. Some of the things he texted me were: "Let me fall in love with you", "You are the best thing happened to me", "Would you be the love of my life?", "You are perfect for me in so many ways." He had me speak to his mother on his birthday and told me that his best friend wants to meet with me. One of his new year's resolutions was to spend more time with me. He made me feel very special.

His 2nd visit was more relaxed but still very romantic. He told my best friend "We are going to spend next birthdays and holidays together." We also talked about traveling together to Europe. He shared with me that he dated a lot of girls but he was never in love with anyone or came even close to marriage in the past. The more time he spent with someone the less he liked her. So I asked him "The same thing can happen to us, too", he replied "I like you more now I know you better and I can never dislike you. I just know." We had a couple of fiery arguments but were able to make up very quickly. He even apologized saying "Let's get along, it is better that way", "We have to be careful not to sting each other to death." He also told me "As long as we keep having a healthy relationship everything will fall into place. You have nothing to worry about", "I will make every effort to make this relationship last", I want us to stay together", "You're my sweetheart", "I love being attracted to you", "Anyone would be envious of the chemistry we have", "I can hold you like this every day for the rest of my life", etc.... Yes, he was very intense and affectionate. I felt a little suffocated but loved how he made me feel.

All sound good, right? What is my problem? Here we go....

Well, since he went back this time he has been being very uncommunicative as if he was able to turn himself off from all of his emotions. I knew he had a lot of jobs lined up immediately after his return. He did called me on the Valentine's Day and said we should spend next Valentine's Day together. He was calling me every 3 days first and it became every 7 days with occasional texting "Good Night" in between. He has not expressed any affectionate feelings like he did before at all. By the way I don't call him as his phone is his work phone and incoming calls goes to his voice mail. So my only way to reach him is by texting from my end.

Based on what I felt during the time I spent with him I sensed that he has his own insecurity issues and is very clingy. I also believe he has never been in serious relationships although he dated a lot of "girls" (not "women.") He also has been rebuilding his finances after he nearly went bankrupt. He owns a small business and is a very serious responsible hard worker which I respect. He is an Alpha male with huge ego who he admits that he is very difficult. He is from a broken family and doesn't speak to his father although he seems to love his mother.

From what I read in this forum it is best to leave a Scorpio guy alone with no contact when he pulls disappearing act. But I am not sure if that is what he is doing here because he still contacts me every few days just to check in. When I don't contact him for a few days he contacts me just to say hello. It is just that affectionate part of him is gone and it worries me and makes me feel insecure. He made me addicted to his affection and now I am going cold turkey! It hurts like crazy.

I keep telling myself that he is just busy focusing on his work just like last summer. As long as he keeps contacting me every few days it is his way of showing he still cares. I also realize Scorpio males can focus on one thing at the time and suck at communicating. He once told me that he is much better in person and gets frustrated when he could not see me.

Attempting to make him be more aware I shared what I look for in a relationship. It is important for me to feel him more. Our healthy relationship needs better communication. I also teased him by saying "So are we dating other people?" He sounded upset and said "I don't appreciate the question" so I said "Sorry." None of my messages seem to have had much affects on him, sadly!

So this past 3 weeks I have been keeping my texts lighthearted and focusing on my life. When he calls I tell him how nice it is to hear his voice. It is just too painful to obsess about him and I am afraid I might get depressed over this. I hate to feel as if I am kept at arm's length after spending very intense and intimate time together. I am not in a hurry to remarry or anything but I just want to feel what I felt again. I miss him when he was more affectionate and attentive. As much as I want to trust his words and believe in what I thought we started building I feel like I am running out of my patience. It is almost better to be alone than feeling lonely in a relationship!

Do you think he is playing his Scorpio card on me? Do you think this is his way of testing my patience and feelings for him? Or is he simply busy just like he was last summer? Why he can not understand he is making me feel insecure and it might jeopardize our relationship?

You two are usually magnetically attracted to each other. Together your energies combine in a grounded, practical, and sensuous mix. Encounters between you indicate your shared belief that it can be fatal to underestimate your opponent: warily circling each other, you are usually highly suspicious of each other at first. Yet, although you will never forget your first encounter, you may later become fast friends or lovers. From the outside, this matchup can seem light and breezy - few people would suspect its true nature which is heavy and momentous. You two can actually have a lot to learn from each other, a mutual education you acquire via the experiences you go through together.

This learning experience is nowhere more evident than in the areas of sex and money. In these fields, whether as lovers or business partners, even the most naive types of this combination will follow a crash course together, receiving a full education and probably even a graduate degree in record time. The chemistry here is such that without reading books, or even a whole lot of prior experience, you both quickly develop an extraordinary appreciation of power and how it works. You will have to be careful that the power struggles here do not turn into obsession, however. Your marriage (should you get that far) must have a rock-solid material base for you both to be truly satisfied and fulfilled. Once that foundation has been laid, the two of you must be dedicated to maintaining it - something you should be capable of doing - if your relationship is to grow and prosper.

When it comes to what you both want from life, you fall into entirely different camps. Your partner wants to be his own independent person, to be the centre of attention, to explore different life situations, and to surround himself with people who admire and support him. He can be very selfish when it comes to satisfying this desire, always looking out for himself first before everyone else. He wants other people to constantly fill his need to feel safe and connected, but it can become a bottomless pit as he tends to need more and more energy and people just to feel OK about himself. The more other people give him, the more he wants and takes. He loves to be the powerful one, calling the shots and running the whole show in a love or business relationship - he feels the need to show that no one can direct or control him, that HE is the boss. Thus he can work himself to the bone in his career, even to the point of almost destroying his health, but then just pulling himself back from the edge in time. Nobody ever gets a glimpse of his true frailty. Too much intimacy in a realtionship terrifies him so he tends to run away when things become too close, always maintaining a cool macho exterior however. He wants to show he doesn't need anyone's help, even if he wears himself down to a nub. Many of his relationships will be clandestine or part-time ones, because it's hard for him to be taken away from his single life or singular working life long enough to enjoy the ecstacy that only human contact can provide. And yet what he needs most is an intimate and loving relationship, to surrender and submit himself in trust in order to lift himself out of a boring life chained to the daily grind. It may just take him a long while to realize this.

What you want on the other hand is to receive love - your need to experience someone's loving energy is almost insatiable. An overriding need to feel others' acceptance is your Achilles' Heel. But no one can ever give you enough support for you to break out as an individual and take advantage of the exciting opportunities life can bring. You must become your own best friend and encourage yourself to go after the things that will bring you happiness. Until you do, you may always have a fear that, just when things get good, the rug will be pulled out from under you by another person or that you will ruin it yourself. Perhaps your family life or childhood was unstable in some way so that you may have been left with a feeling of domestic uncertainty that you are forever trying to get over. You may fear being successful professionally at the expense of a family or personal life. A fear of abandonment may be dogging your footsteps in every relationship you have. But if you are your own best friend, you will never be alone.

Be careful, LadyScorp, of presenting a 'false front' to your partner by forcing yourself to keep the relationship light and easy-going when you really want it to be committed and serious. He may think (or hope) that that is how you really want the relationship to remain, as it suits him to keep it 'up in the air' and unspecific, holding onto the power as he keeps you guessing.

Thank you so much for your very insightful reading! I am amazed how accurate it is to the point it gave me goosebumps.....

Thank you for your advise on this. I am keeping our communication lighthearted right now as it helps me to maintain my inner balance and to take care of myself. I could never pretend to be something I am not and put a false front (that is my Scorpio nature). I do realize that I have to be happy with myself before anything. I did share my thoughts and desires with him many times so he knows that I am not a casual light relationship material. In fact he was the one who told me that one of the qualities he likes about me was that I was married to the same person for a long time (9 years is a long time for him!) Or perhaps this indicates his selfishness to possess something as you pointed out.

As for your reading of "Too much intimacy in a realtionship terrifies him so he tends to run away when things become too close, always maintaining a cool macho exterior however. He wants to show he doesn't need anyone's help, even if he wears himself down to a nub. Many of his relationships will be clandestine or part-time ones, because it's hard for him to be taken away from his single life or singular working life long enough to enjoy the ecstacy that only human contact can provide. And yet what he needs most is an intimate and loving relationship, to surrender and submit himself in trust in order to lift himself out of a boring life chained to the daily grind. It may just take him a long while to realize this.",

Yes, he told me he was frightened of commitment when we first met and I can clearly see that he never had any seriously committed relationships based my observation (he is quite selfish indeed!) He liked the fact I don't have any children from my marriage and this was also the reason why he is still single (girls he dated were all ring and baby hungry.) He told me that he sow his fair share of wild oats in the past but is tired of meeting the wrong people and now wants to focus on work and reading. He stopped drinking all together last fall as well. He will be 35 this fall and all of his friends (he does not have many) are married with children and it seems to have had some influence on him. All of this info. he shared with me thus far.

Captain, do you have any insights on why he is capable of showing such vulnerability when we spend time together and then he can totally act as if he forgot about us? This confuses me because it felt very genuine. Does he really mean what he says in that moment and yet when he shits his gear to a work mode nothing else matters to him? How do you deal with a personality like this? I know nothing will change who he is or control his ways and I don't even want to go there. I just would like to find out my options without giving away myself.

It is fear that makes your friend pull back from too much intimacy - fear of being trapped and controlled by his feelings for you. This is because he does not deal with his issues but gives in to them by running away. Until he decides to do the necessary work on himself, there is nothing you can do. As long as you allow his retreating, he will do it. He needs to have the courage and maturity to want to change and at the moment he has no reason to want that because you are giving him his ideal conditions - light-hearted fun with no commitment. It may be years before he is mature enough to overcome his issues.

Thank you so much for your reply. I see your point. He can talk all about what he thinks he wants but it dose not mean he knows how.....although he quoted "say what you mean and mean what you say" as his motto (lol!)

Captain, may I ask which aspects of his chart shows your findings regarding his selfish ways? I did not see this trait emphasized this strongly in his personal horoscope by Jonathan Cainer and I am curious to see it was how I interpreted things.

I assumed that his sharing of his feelings for me, talking about his past mistakes, fear of commitment were positive signs that he is learning about himself. He told me that he has deep desire to be in a committed relationship. We also talked about our near future plans....sounded all promising.

As it is still a new relationship and we are still finding out about each other I don't want to be too serious and drive him away. My hope is that he is focusing on his work and will snap out when he is ready....and if he finds me here he is lucky but I might not.....as I can not be a victim of his selfish ways for too long. Ocean between us might have saved me because it would have been a disaster if he became distant being in the same city!

I don't do birth charts and the like, more intuitive astrology readings.

Time will tell if your friend can live up to the promises he has been making to you. He may certainly think he wants a committed relationship but whether his deep fears and issues will allow him to commit is another question altogether.

It is amazing how accurate your reading is! My impression is the birth chart with date and time gets confusing as they are segmented and contradict with each other....

Your reading has been a wake up call for me......because I was feeling what you wrote about him in my gut yet I wanted to ignore. I am attracted to him but I am not sure if it is an infatuation. Also my desire to be accepted might be misleading me. If he can sense this in me (and I'm sure he can) it can be a very unhealthy codependent relationship.

Captain, you mentioned about my childhood. My mother was very strict and my father was very critical of everything. Although they stayed together I don't remember their warm loving moments growing up. My relationships in the past were prematurely sabotaged by myself because I became overly insecure. When they lasted I became very clingy. I don't think I even love them any longer after a while but stayed with them just for staying sake. After my 9 year marriage ended I went through depression but was able to come back stronger and focus on my work and my dog for 2.5 years without dating anyone. I felt more secure and peaceful most of the time. Here I am again about to repeat my old pattern.....very dangerous!

Unfortunately our childhoods set the patterns for all relationships from then on. If our childhoods are difficult, then we expect all relationships to be like that and thus draw partners to us who will fulfill our 'expectations' from what we were taught. LS, you need to understand that not all relationships have to be like your parents' one. Then you can draw to you loving, supportive, unselfish partners instead of takers and abusers..

Hey there, I have been seeing a Scorpio man for just over a month so still early days for us (I'm Leo by the way) and I completely understand about the hot and cold thing. I am still learning this myself and still trying to get to know him (and vice verser) but I understand it is frustrating and I get confused. I spoke to my man briefly (via text) last night and I had to ask him how he felt about me cos the past week he has been a bit cold and distant. We had a small argument last week which was my fault he accepted my apology (well he said he did) and I wasn't sure if he was still holding a grudge, but he did say about a week ago that he was having a bad day so I left him alone and just told him I was here if he needed to talk. Arrrrggggghhh! Hopefully our Scorpio men come back to us. I guess all we can do is wait, I know with my man (not sure about other Scorpios) the more I make contact while he's in his 'space' the less he'll talk. And he just gets annoyed.

OMG! I did not make a connection but my later father was selfish as well as critical. My boyfriend is the same way! As your reading suggested he has to be in control and he is comfortable staying in his own shell. This includes the way he runs his small business. He can not delegate due to his fear of loosing control. My ex-husband was not like that and I met him right after I broke up with another selfish type. Is it possible that trying to be accepted by those men is be triggering my attraction to them? I thought my ex-husband was not strong enough for me and our marriage did not work out although it was not the only reason. It is a very scary thought....but it makes sense.

Thank you for your comment. I initially posted thinking that my guy is pulling his hot & cold trick on me but now I'm realizing there might be something deeper than that based on Captain's very insightful reading. I am a Scorp myself but when I like someone I don't go into hiding or pull hot & cold trick. I wish I can understand it better. It is sooooo frustrating not to know what is going on and not being heard. This is not helping our relationship constructively at all. Mine hasn't called me since last Thu and has not texted me since last Sunday. And it is not like we had any arguments, either. So it is not me it is his issue although it is hard not take it personally! I hope your guy would contact you soon, too. Patience is the key here for you...

Being consciously aware is the first and most important step to breaking with old patterns of behaviour. It allows you to see the choices you make in relationships and why you are attracted to certain types..

I'll keep this in mind....if I ever get ready to open up to someone again. I am hurting more so because I opened up to him after not being intimate with anyone for a long time. I let my self be vulnerable to him perhaps too naively.

True. I wish it was that easy. There is ocean between us (CA & HI.) But more than a physical distance itself I am feeling so far away from someone I felt so intimate just a short while ago. It is a very scary feeling. He is in withdrawal mode right now and I am afraid trying to meet him will further push him away. Believe me I would not be posting about asking for your support if I could communicate with him and get a straight answer. I feel it is almost easier if he ends this all together. I am in a very dark place right now....