Taking a Gamble on Finding Happiness…

My Preconceived Notion Meter is Faulty

I amaze even myself by how quickly I can go from infatuation to disinterest. It really is in the blink of an eye at times. They say your gut gets a first impression within the first few seconds of meeting someone. I’m no different. That happens to me too, but then my brain takes it a step further and I’ve immediately got their whole life story written and it’s usually quite romantic. Sometimes, I meet someone and I’m super infatuated with them, but then I get to know them and their super model looks start to disappear. Other times, I meet people who I wouldn’t normally find irresistible at first sight, but they turn out to be such great people that they slowly become irresistible. Maybe I’m finally maturing. Or maybe I used to be really shallow? Or maybe I’m just tired of people. I have experienced this with friends too. I’ve met someone and kind of dismissed them. Not in a bad way, but just in a “I probably wouldn’t be friends with them” kind of way and then they turn out to be awesome friends. And there are people that I’ve known for years and I guess I would say I’m ok friends with that I sit and either look at their facebook drama or talk to them and think, “why were we ever friends?” And I distance myself completely from them. This recent bout of dating is no different really. Then again, dating in general is like that friend that makes me think, “why are we friends again?” It’s more of a love/hate relationship.

One of my recent dating bouts was exactly like the infatuation turned disgust scenarios I mentioned earlier. There was a guy who drives one of the buses I ride. Well actually, he never really drove my bus so much as I would see him while I was at the main bus terminal changing buses. (Note: I feel like I need to add here that the bus station in this city hires some damn good looking drivers. Not all of them, but just enough to make a girl not want to rush out and get a car.) So I had been seeing this driver while I was headed here or there. And he would always get this big huge smile every time he saw me and it was a gorgeous smile. He was gorgeous. Like time slowing down gorgeous. For example, one day he was on the escalator coming up and I was going down and things were in Baywatch slow motion. Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, we were on an escalator, so maybe things were actually going pretty slow. See how time gives you the perspective you need? Anyhow, I see this guy and his gorgeous smile and I immediately have his life story figured out in my head. First off, he’s a complete gentleman, for my convenience, he is my age even though he looks younger, he’s got a kid or two, but they are older. Oh, and he definitely doesn’t snore and can build things. And he likes to cook in his boxer briefs. That’s not too far from someone’s reality right? So I kept seeing him and he kept grinning at me like he knew me. At one point I was thinking, “Did I know him back in my partying days? Maybe we’ve already slept together and I forgot?” I’ve had a few of those moments but we don’t need to dwell on that here.

Finally, I’m downtown one day and I was getting ready to get on a bus to my mom’s house and it was dreary and rainy and I was in no rush at all and here he came walking off his bus. I think he really was in “Dreamy” Baywatch slow motion then, but I was on the phone. So he says, “hello” and keeps on moving. I wave and carry on my conversation. By time he comes back, I’m off the phone. He is about to get on his bus and looks at me and says, “aren’t you ever going to ride with me?” And I’m thinking, “I would love to ride you. I mean ride with you.” So I tell him I’m not really on a schedule and now is as good a time as any and I jump on his bus. A bus I never ride. A bus I would never need to ride, but I got on. And it was completely empty except for me and him. I’m sure this is where you think he pulled the bus over and we did terrible and dirty things all over that bus, but you are wrong… and possibly deranged. We just talked. We talked for the whole one hour drive and then I rode around one more time. And we talked some more. And then I got off the bus with him because his shift was over and jumped in his car. And we talked some more and he took me home. And when I got out of his car, he was still dreamy. And he now had my number. So he starts texting me. And it goes downhill from there. He starts sending me those, “I basically just want to fuck you” texts. Not that he was saying that, but a text after 10pm asking what you’re doing says exactly that to me. And apparently that’s like a thing these days. Because it happens all the time. So anyway, I’ve made this short story way too long. The more he texts me and the more I see him, outside of him working, which has only been about 3 times in the past few months, the more I dislike him. And he’s so pretty, but so stupid. Not in the sense that he lacks smarts in general, he just doesn’t get it. And maybe I’m a harsh critic. Actually I know I am. But I just want a man to bring a little more to the table than a really big schlong. And I don’t know for sure that he has that because I’ve never even kissed the guy let alone anything else, but he has almost a baker’s dozen of children so I imagine that there’s at least one thing he’s pretty good at, but he’s not my type. Even though he’s super pretty.

Speaking of pretty, I know this is going in a completely different direction but when I started this, it was 6am and I had to go to work, so I stopped and now it’s 9pm on a Friday night and I need to tell you about the married unicorn. If you missed it, scroll back to “I Won’t Do That” and then read ahead. So I tell Mister that I cannot see him any more. Not that I don’t want to, but I won’t because it’s wrong. So very wrong and I think Karma will get the better of me if I continue down this path. And then I think about atheists and how they probably don’t believe in karma. So I think about converting because I want to find a loophole. But I know a lot of atheists and I think even they would draw the line here, so I am standing firm. Anyway, he has messaged me and continued to stop by every day since I told him to stop. One day I was outside mowing the grass. Today I was leaving work. He said he just wants to see my beautiful face. Stalker status. I am currently VERY thankful that I did not sleep with him, because I’m not much of a “hey, I’m just gonna pop up in your life” kind of person. I mean, if we are friends, you can pop up any time you want. You can let yourself in my house. You can watch my tv. You can charge your phone, cook some food, mow my grass, sleep in my bed. I’m a great friend. I don’t mind these things. But if you are not in the friend zone, I do not want you popping up. That’s how feelings get hurt. Not that I have a bunch of random men over my house, but I don’t want any of us in an awkward situation the day I do have someone over and some stalker boy wants to show up out of the blue. That’s just a bad time all around. Especially, because I would just invite him in and introduce him to his competition. Actually, that sounds like a pretty good idea. Maybe then, guys would try harder.

But back to Mister. If he was a regular guy, he would almost be doing and saying all the right things. Except maybe he would want to be seeing me a little too much. But he’s not a regular guy. He’s a married guy with kids. So I had to get firm with him today. But let me back up. Yesterday, I was going to the Laundromat and he wanted to see me. I told him I was going to wash clothes so he said he would come drop me off. I know I should have argued and said no, but I take a 50lb rolling suitcase on the bus to do laundry. Charles Manson could offer me a ride and I would take it. So, of course, I said yes. So he took me to the place and on the way I casually said, “look, I’m not trying to get the bad karma for this relationship so if you want to continue seeing me, tell your wife I exist. If she knows, I’m cool with it.” Which was probably not the wisest thing to say because I could see the wheels start turning like he was imagining that conversation. So I got out and that was that.

Fast forward back to today. He was messaging me most of the day and I was replying eventually. That was my first mistake, so then he says he wants to see me and can pick me up from work. I replied and told him no I was good, but he was super persistent and as I was leaving work and crossing the street there he was like an old man looking for a prostitute just creeping along. So I let him bring me home after I went in the store and made him wait while I shopped and actually took a lot longer than I needed, but I was feeling like I should be an ass on principal alone. I came out, got in his truck and he brought me home. He had a splinter in his thumb from work so I offered to get it out because I had tweezers and because he has dimples. I didn’t even know that I liked them so much, but you could swim in his and I’m part mermaid. So I got his splinter out and we were standing in the kitchen. I didn’t even invite him to sit because I was trying to be firm, but gentle. I started making dinner and I made some guacamole and we chatted mostly about his wife, because I really like to bring it up just to remind him that she does, in fact, still exist. And we ate a few chips with guac and then I kicked him out. And not in a nice way either. I opened the door and said, “ok, get out of my house.” I did laugh afterwards, but only because it sounded so badass. The only thing that would have made it better would have been if we had just gotten done having sex, but we didn’t. So it was only half badass.

After he left, he ended up calling me and telling me that I was right about everything and it’s not fair to me and blah blah blah. Which brings me back to my earlier point….he was originally so gorgeous and charming but the more persistent he is while he has a wife at home (where he should be) the more ugly he gets to me. So by time we hung up, I told him that after he figured things out, maybe we could talk then but I was done having any kind of contact, conversation, whatever with him. And he seemed ok with it, but he has seemed ok with it the last three times I told him that too and he always does whatever the fuck he wants which usually consists of not leaving me alone and attempting to see my beautiful face, but trust me when I tell you, I saw a picture of his wife and she, too, has a beautiful face. It’s just currently a cheating beautiful face, but he’s not talking divorce so I’m not talking anything. I really hope this doesn’t turn into one of those fatal attraction situations where I’m cringing every time my phone rings. That would really put a damper on things.

And on a completely different note, I’m going to a workshop tomorrow about creating a successful blog, so while I’m thinking about it, I just want to say thank you to those of you who have been loyally reading and following and commenting and sharing every day. You guys rock and I already feel like a success because I’ve only been using the wordpress platform for less than a month and you guys really make me feel like I keep you amused. So I just want to say thanks and hopefully I will learn some tricks tomorrow to make this experience even better for all of us. If you have any suggestions or comments or just want to say hello, feel free to email me at rouletteweekend@gmail.com