DeJune Show

I think the most important news of the day is that I just got an email telling me my DiorShow Mascara is on its way.

Aaannnd there go the straight male readers. And some of the lesbians.

Look, you don't understand. For someone who is cursed with too much hair, I have these teensy short eyelashes that make no sense. And when I FINALLY found a mascara that worked (Illegal Lengths by Maybelline), they discontinued it.

Because God ABHORS me.

So I've been reading about the supposedly miraculous DiorShow for over a year and it's not like I don't indulge myself regularly so I have no idea why I haven't gotten it until now. But my father gave me a gift certificate for my birthday and I stampeded for the DiorShow. Soon you will be unable to read my posts, so eyelashy will I be. They will be all in your way and you'll be all dang, June, move those lengthy eyelashes.

Speaking of birthdays, and I know I haven't mentioned my own quite enough, it was my neighbor Paul's birthday yesterday. He turned 96. I know we all thought he was turning 97, because he TOLD me he was 96 when I met him, but he must have been rounding up.

In front of his house yesterday was a sign that read "Dads 96! Honk!" without the apostrophe, and it was everything I could do to not go over there with a Sharpie. Nevertheless, I bought some cupcakes because I'm lame and did not want to make any in the 100-degree heat, and took them over there.

"We were just having cake! You come on in and have some!" His daughter ushered me in. Was it rude that I stayed and had cake with his entire family? I tried to not go over there until after a reasonable dinner hour, but can I help it there was cake?

Anyway Paul thanked me for the "cookies" about 467 times, and if you were 96 I'd like to see YOU keep track of cookies and/or cupcakes.

I also found out from his daughter, Lu (but not my dog Lu), that Paul's wife lived to be 91 and she was just fine until three months before she died when she got malignant melanoma. Now, that would suck. You go all that time and THEN you get punished for a little tanning? Still. I guess you gotta die of something by the time you're 91.

Oh! And as the daughter Lu-but-not-my-dog were talking, she said, "I know you. You have two dogs, right?" Turns out? She lives right next door to Snowflake! That's how she said it! "I live right next door to Snowflake. I see you talking to him all the time."

Like Snowflake owns the house. Which is kind of how I feel.

So that was weird. Small neighborhood. But I wouldn't want to paint it.

I guess I'd better go, but oh! Look!

My margarita-hating coworker from yesterday changed her name plate at work. heeeeee.

Thanks Letha, I forgot about ebay.
I always want what everyone else has.
My mom used to call me and tell me about some laundry detergent or lipstick or whatever that she had gotten and I had to race out and get it RIGHT THEN.
I fear that in 5 years, someone will find out that Latisse makes you go blind or something.
Or give you malignant eyeball melanoma or liver cancer.
My liver has enough problems.
I am going over to ebay now like a true follower.

I have GOT to stop going to work. I miss everything good on Bye Bye Pie.
Also, I have got to get to a dermatologist. I’m a fair-skinned, redheaded hiker who could get a sunburn in a dark room but is in the sun all the time. I’ll go make an appointment when I get back from Maine.

Paula~ I would like to audition for either celestial harp or the gong. If I get the harp position I would like my stage name to be Elizabeth Smart.
Linda~ if all of our mole and labia stories convinced one person to go to the dermatologist, then we’ve done our job. Seriously.

So I just got back from the dermatologist who took one look at me at pulled out the industrial sized liquid nitrogen. She says I’m going to look pretty gross for about a week, but that those spots were nothing to worry about. BUT..she’s going to call me about the one she biopsied. What, me, worry????
Thanks for motivating me to make that call today, folks.

I think Bunghole Blues is sung by Blind Mississippi White Boy Pigs’ Feet Dupree, but it IS featured on the Persistent Lesbian’s newest album, Labia Melanoma.
Yes, Furry still on drums. Still looking for people for the slide kazoo, celestial harp, serpentine bassoon, and, of course, the gong.

Have not been able to be on Pie most of today, drats, but CRAP, really, labia melanoma? I think that’s what one customer was talking about when she informed my husband and me last year that she had cancer down on her “lady parts, where the sun doesn’t ever get to it.” And she pointed to it and touched it. While we were outside and cars were passing by.

If Saginaw is the vagina of Michigan…Flint must be the sphincter!
While we’re on the subject… I just found out that Mila Kunis uses a butt double in the movie. Bummer, I would of been looking forward to seeing her pretty posterior!

I also have a mole there. And I get it checked every time. I also ask my gynecologist to look at it every time. That way if one doctor is missing something, the other is hopefully catching it.
I have a former co-worker who has malignant melanoma on her labia. Seriously. She went in for her gyne check and the doctor said she didn’t like the way the skin on her labia looked. Sent in a sample of tissue and it was the melanoma. Scary and sad.
I’ve had a precancerous mole removed from my left boob and believe me, the girls NEVER see the light of day. Ever. Never, ever, ever, not even when I was sowing my wild oats. The prefer the darkness. My dermatolgist said of all my precancerous moles she has removed, only two could be from the sun. The rest are hereditary. Damn genes.

I have the white eyelashes which are no longer lengthy and wanted the Dior mascara too.
I am not that rich.
I use Clinique and I might try that Latisse someday (cheaper in the long run than that $593758 mascara)but I am still trying out other options.
Paul sounds adorable! Were people honking??