The blog of a romance novelist and poet. Semi-nomadic between England and France, a curious curtsey to cuisine and country.

Tuesday, 9 April 2013

"Wow - I've lost a stone!" Emma ejaculated.

Merely 4,250 calories = 8 days food

I originally started blogging when "Knockout" was published. Seemingly it was the thing that all aspiring scribettes needed to do. For the first six months I performed every day. Since then I have progressively reduced the output with surprising results. Yesterday for instance, some 200 hundred applauding fans flocked to worship at the shrine of my wondrous words. Or - perhaps not! My suspicion is that most of the views are conducted by some kind of Spam-a-vision. They leave anonymous comments about my genius and the need for the world to ejaculate more fully by using the tablets only available from their website. I'm with them on the assessment of my genius of course - but the other matter is rather beyond me. Does any one else have blog issues with genius and ejaculation?

I am in France and sticking to my 5:2 diet. Yes, five different types of cheese and two glasses of wine to lubricate the follicles. Luckily I never omit an accompanying substantial meal laced with blood purifying vampire slaying garlic to complete the evening. Oooh - you should have seen me at dinner with friends last week denying myself a third serving of full fat ham in liquid butter served with potatoes in melted cheese. I was so proud! Luckily there was some left for me to bring home.

Saint Saviinien is so beautiful - even on a diet day there is loveliness

Of course, those are the five eat as you wish days. I have been ruthless on the two days of fasting. In France I have learned one thing. Denial is purely relative to temptation. We could call this the DT index. Instead of all the statistics about financial inflation, happiness and climate we just need to know the DT ratio. Some places should warn that only experienced self deniers should enter. All French bakeries and cheese vendors would have to show their DT index on their shuttered shop windows. Oh why oh why is the best stuff so bad for you?

As big and as wide as a fasting novelists stomach

The good news....on the scales this morning I found that the world of Romantic fiction is now a whole stone (6.35 kgs) lighter. Accordingly I'm downsizing all future heroines by one size.This diet is liveable and it works guys - it really does.Emma thinx: Eat, shrink and be merry.

5 comments:

Good work, though the diet you describe scares me. I've tried them all. My favorite was the one that said I should drink one ounce of water for each pound I weigh plus two ounces for each pound I wanted to lose. I made it through two days drinking four gallons of water. I lost weight squeezing my knees together while running to the bathroom every five minutes.

Now I'm using MyFitnessPal.com to regulate my portions. I've given up nothing and lost 37 pounds in about six months. (That's on top of the 20 pounds I lost previous to this plan.)

Jack - Wow that is impressive. I've never come across that water torture but it sounds like the kind of thing that the Court of Inhuman rights gets very excited about. Today (Wednesday) is a fast day so I topped up on roast lamb last night. The fat should see me through. Keep me updated and I'll do the same. Emma x

When in France eat like a French woman...a "leetle"! Hats off to you. I'm back out in France next week and since I have put on a stone (Hey-have I got yours that you lost?) I am wary. I love cheese and wine. XX

The weather in France next week looks like being warm and sunny. It should be possible to sweat it off at a pavement cafe. It is true that French woman eat a "leetle" and with the price of some foods here, that is hardly surprising. Lamb - 16.4 Euros a kilo in Super U. (Asda UK £4 a kilo) Have a lovely time anyway. Emma x