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About Me

is an unapologetic, bleeding-heart liberal who writes about everything from politics to private parts. A TV-writer in a former life, her credits include "Big Spender" for Animal Planet,and "A Child Too Many," "Cradle of Conspiracy" & "Deceived By Trust," for Lifetime

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Dateline:
Australia. Look at that sad
little face. A mother down under told
police she was “sickened” when she took her family for burgers only to find
this crude drawing of a penis inside the container. Some dastardly lad, no doubt inspired by
Justin Timberlake, decided to try his own hand (no pun intended) at putting a
dick in a box. “If someone would do this, what else did they
do to my burger?” Eww...

On the plus side, it does look like they gave her
extra pickles.

***

Holy Cracker Jacks Batman!

While in Utah another woman also got more than she
bargained for when she bought an off-brand box of tampons “because they were
cheap.” Upon opening the box to use her
purchase, she instead found each individual applicator stuffed with
cocaine. Oops! Wrong cavity!

Well, damn.
All I’ve ever found in a box was a cheap, plastic whistle.

***

First of all, let me just say that I do not
understand “gay Republicans…”

This week Romney’s campaign advisor on foreign
affairs, Richard Grenell, quit his position after coming under attack by the leader
of the right-wing homophobic American
Family Association who called his selection a "shout-out to the homosexual lobby."

My outrage is somewhat tempered by some of Grenell’s
tweets, which portray him as a bit of an asshole: “Hillary is starting to look like Madeleine
Albright,” “Michelle Obama working out and sweating on the East Room carpet,”
and asking if Callista Gingrich’s hair “snaps on” (Okay. That one could be a little
bit funny.)

But the point is there was no
public statement of support for Grenell from the Romney campaign.

So this week when President Obama suggested that
Mitt “spine-of-an-amoeba” Romney may not have had the huevos to go after Osama Bin Laden and everyone was all up his ass
with, “Oh no you didn’t…” claiming it was a political hit below the belt...

... Clearly, there is nothing below Romney’s belt.

***

Behold!
Drunk-In-A-Can…

So now we don’t even have time to get drunk
anymore?

Yes, even that age-old, time-consuming tradition
of tossing back a few has fallen victim to our fast-moving society with its obsession
with high-speed everything.

Getty image

One spray of “Quantum Sensations” can render you
stupid drunk in just seconds and with no hangover, too. Since each intoxicating
spray only lasts a few minutes, you can even drive yourself home. No more waking up the following morning next to Quasimodo
and wondering what the hell happened. A little pricey at $26 per fashionable
aluminum tube, but really – what’s your time worth?

The spray will be available to Europeans this
summer but, like universal health care, those of us in the U.S. will just have
to wait.

Dateline:
Australia. Look at that sad
little face. A mother down under told
police she was “sickened” when she took her family for burgers only to find
this crude drawing of a penis inside the container. Some dastardly lad, no doubt inspired by
Justin Timberlake, decided to try his own hand (no pun intended) at putting a
dick in a box. “If someone would do this, what else did they
do to my burger?” Eww...

On the plus side, it does look like they gave her
extra pickles.

***

Holy Cracker Jacks Batman!

While in Utah another woman also got more than she
bargained for when she bought an off-brand box of tampons “because they were
cheap.” Upon opening the box to use her
purchase, she instead found each individual applicator stuffed with
cocaine. Oops! Wrong cavity!

Well, damn.
All I’ve ever found in a box was a cheap, plastic whistle.

***

First of all, let me just say that I do not
understand “gay Republicans…”

This week Romney’s campaign advisor on foreign
affairs, Richard Grenell, quit his position after coming under attack by the leader
of the right-wing homophobic American
Family Association who called his selection a "shout-out to the homosexual lobby."

My outrage is somewhat tempered by some of Grenell’s
tweets, which portray him as a bit of an asshole: “Hillary is starting to look like Madeleine
Albright,” “Michelle Obama working out and sweating on the East Room carpet,”
and asking if Callista Gingrich’s hair “snaps on” (Okay. That one could be a little
bit funny.)

But the point is there was no
public statement of support for Grenell from the Romney campaign.

So this week when President Obama suggested that
Mitt “spine-of-an-amoeba” Romney may not have had the huevos to go after Osama Bin Laden and everyone was all up his ass
with, “Oh no you didn’t…” claiming it was a political hit below the belt...

... Clearly, there is nothing below Romney’s belt.

***

Behold!
Drunk-In-A-Can…

So now we don’t even have time to get drunk
anymore?

Yes, even that age-old, time-consuming tradition
of tossing back a few has fallen victim to our fast-moving society with its obsession
with high-speed everything.

Getty image

One spray of “Quantum Sensations” can render you
stupid drunk in just seconds and with no hangover, too. Since each intoxicating
spray only lasts a few minutes, you can even drive yourself home. No more waking up the following morning next to Quasimodo
and wondering what the hell happened. A little pricey at $26 per fashionable
aluminum tube, but really – what’s your time worth?

The spray will be available to Europeans this
summer but, like universal health care, those of us in the U.S. will just have
to wait.