About 10 years ago, I went with some friends to a local 24 hour restaurant for an early breakfast. It was around 3am, and the bars had just closed. We were sat at a booth in front of 2 men, one was eating salad. For you to get this, here's a map, because I am not sure how this happened the way it did:

| Our table | |Their table | | ME| |1 guy- SGuy|

My back was to the salad guy. All of a sudden I hear this single loud HACK! and get hit in the back of the head with a steaming wad of salad. Somehow he projectile vomited from his side of the table, missed his friend, and hit me, sitting at the next table almost 5 feet away.

I scream, and end up trying to wash puke out of my hair in the tiny bathroom. Luckily, I had another shirt in my car and changed. Just as I come out, the waitress brings my eggs over medium. Which of course, I couldn't eat.

I am so sorry that happened to you... but my keyboard is wet and salty from my tears of laughter.

Dh is changing dd's diaper.Like the good dad he is, he puts one hand on the baby as he bends down to place the dirty diaper in the pail.Just as hubby's head is level with the table, dd sneezes.The force shot poop out of baby and all over dh's face...

I had a scaffold bar piercing done in my left ear (2 holes in the cartilage, so one bar can cross through both), at a different place than the one I usually go to, simply because, with the latter's opening hours, it would be a few weeks before I could get to my regular shop (Mistake #1). They put what seemed to me unnecessarily large (as in diameter) plastic retainers through the holes, gave me a bottle of sterilising solution, and sent me on my way.

Later that night, it started to HURT. And swelled up quite a bit. I thought I might have to take them out, but my ear wasn't so swollen it had reached the whole length of the bars, and I decided one night of nasty pain would be worth it (Mistake #2). So, I put a lot of sterilising solution on, and went to bed (lying, of course, on my right side).

Eesh. I was tossing and turning with the pain, which was now VERY severe to the point of bringing tears, frustratedly drifting in and out of sleep, and felt feverish (I wasn't, but felt as if I was...if that makes sense. I felt like a swooning heroine ). I was sweating profusely, which was driving me mad - the whole left side of my face and hair was soaked, sticky and making me itch, and I kept batting at it and scratching.

After 2 hours of this (which felt like 2 years), I muttered to half-asleep (marvellously patient, not-a-word-of-complaint-or-irritation) DF that I was going to go and stick some antiseptic cream on my ear to try and soothe it.

I stumbled into the bathroom, turned on the light...

...and SCREAMED.

It wasn't sweat. The entire left side of my head and face was covered in bright red blood.

My ear (still horribly, piercingly painful) had swollen up to gigantic proportions. I could see the blood pumping merrily out of my piercing wounds as I watched (forgive the disgusting analogy, but [pale font: highlight to see] you know the way chocolate fountains just keep going in perpetual motion? Yes...quite...)

Well, I lost it. I carried on screaming until DF staggered into the bathroom, then gibbered to him that I was bleeding and I REALLY needed to get the dingdangity things out NOW.

DF was GREAT. He tried to help me get the retainer bars out (too painful - I kept squawking), he kept passing me tissue, he held the mirror so I could try to remove them, he talked soothingly to me, reassurred me I'd be OK, but that he'd get me in a taxi to the hospital if I wanted or if the bleeding wouldn't stop.

It took over half an hour to get those dingdangity things out (sticky, slippery, shaking hands), and I was bleeding constantly all the while. And whimpering and incoherently whining that it wouldn't stop, it wouldn't STOP, I was haemorrhaging and might DIE... (I know, I know. I was panicked).

Managed eventually to remove them. Sanitised and antisepticed my ear to within an inch of its life, and stumbled back to bed.

It was only a dull ache by morning, and I did manage to salvage the top hole, which hadn't swollen much at all. The lower one...I had a cauliflower ear for a week after, and was terrified it'd stay like that (it didn't ).

I still haven't a clue why that happened.They used a new, sterile needle, and I had no infection from it. I think they maybe shouldn't have put such thick retainers into new holes...

But I'm never going back there.

I don't care if I have to wait a year for my usual place (same one which does my tattoos); I've never had any bad reaction to anything done there.

Oh boy *rubs hands together* I have a few. WARNING: VERY DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!

Gross out number 2)Church, in the middle of choir. I was on the heavy day of my period and every time I stood up I could feel chunks of my endometrium sliding out. During a hymn, somehow, I shifted my weight so that the pad tilted sideways and I felt a huge, warm gush go straight down my leg and into my shoe. Luckily I had on pants that were baggy around my legs and nobody could tell what thappened.

Ironically, that happened right as I sang the lyrics, "and the BLOOD of Christ out-poured..."

I was too ashamed to go into the restroom and have people see my leg, so I limped to the car and cleaned up at home. By some miracle I didn't get any blood or goop on my pants. My foot and the inside of the one shoe looked like a massacre, though. (and I really hated those shoes so I was glad for an excuse to toss them out!)

There ya go.

Gross out warning----

I had a similar situation! I was so horrified.... I was at work and was having a heavy period day. I shifted in my seat and felt what I thought was a small clump of blood gather in my pad. I figured it was no biggie, I would just go to the restroom and change pads. Well, I shifted in my seat and the large clump of blood basically exploded. I looked down at my jeans and there was blood covering the fabric between my legs and part of the way down my thighs.

Thank goodness I had a sweater with me that day. I tied it around my waist to hide the blood in the back, then used my purse to block the blood in the front while I slowly made my way out to my car. I took the back stairs and went out of my way to try to avoid anyone. It was late in the afternoon and right before the time I usually left work, so no one thought my leaving was odd.

I think I sat on the sweater on the way home so I wouldn't mess up my car seat. Even though no one saw me, I was completely embarrassed. I never told anyone why I left a little early that day.

I had a similar incident with a HUGE tick, only it was on a pony and I was wearing boots so I didn't get any blood on my foot. But when I pulled the thing out, it was wriggling and when I dropped in on the ground it tried to skitter away, then popped with an audible crunch. Ick. Then there was the time in college when my neighbor in the dorm had an infestation of small red and black beetles known as box alder bugs. They were living in between her window and her screen; I mean hundreds of them. She requested that the maintenence people come and get rid of them. They did (two weeks after she put in the request), but when she returned to her room she found that while the exterminator had indeed killed the bugs, he had not removed them. So now she had a window FULL of toxic beetle corpses . Not a pretty sight.

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If a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, librarians are a global threat.

We had a mass blood donating session in basic, we were basically training dummies for the medical tech students, and the blood goes into an Armed Forces blood bank. I got a tech that put the needle in too shallow, and tried to stick it back in at the wrong angle. I'm still not sure exactly what happend, but she ended up splitting the vein. The needle fell out, and I wasn't watching (talking to the person on my other side). I was racing the person I was talking to, to see who could finish first. When I looked back over, I was spurting blood all over the floor and down my arm. funniest look I ever saw on a TI's face. I just sat there asking for the tech, and when the TI saw it he turned white then started yelling for the tech's supervisor...

And after all that, all I got was a couple of stitches.. and an extra cookie. I made out like a bandit

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My inner (r-word) is having a field day with this one.-Love is Evol: Christopher Titus-

jamiescudder

When I was in junior high I started my monthly curse for the first time while I was at school. I didn't know it until then, but I'm a heavy bleeder. When I discovered the problem i had blood soaking through my pants down to about knee level. Very disgusting, and very embarrassing.

I went to the nurse to ask her to call my mom so I could go change. She had me stand in front of her with my legs together and turn around. Because she couldn't see any blood while I was being very careful she wouldn't let me go home. This was after I had shown her how bad the situation was. (All I had to do to show her was move my legs a little bit.) So I ended up having to stay that way all day. Talk about needing a shower.

In 7th grade, I was on the track team, Long-distance, my (reached) goal was never to be last. Well, one day when it was raining, we were running IN the school building, with all the coaches watching, instead of their prepping track and field equipment and stuff outside. I had on a pad, only a few months earlier had I started my period so I was still new to it, and mom was NO help. I could feel the pad slipping, but wanted to keep a good time, especially with all the coaches watching. A lady coach called me over (why me? Am I good? Bad?)And she told me to go take a restroom break.Yep, the pad had indeed slipped out of place from all the running, and was SHOWING!!!Not JUST blood, but the actual PAD. I have blocked out the rest of that day's memory to save my mental health...

Can I say that I started reading this thread about a 1/2 hour ago, and it has been nonstop giggles every since the first story! No wonder it took me so long to get through it!

OK, here's one of my own - and it actually happened to me. It's akin to AV's story about her drunk friend, only much much worse (and yes, it was that time for me too). Unfortunately, it's not quite amusing (at least not in the way baby poop is gross-but-cute, and definitely not amusing to me), but perhaps someone can see the lighter side of things...

One night I had a dream that I had woken up, walked out of my bedroom (but not before having tossed my cookies on the floor of the bedroom), and went into my bathroom because I had to use the bathroom. Instead of sitting on the toilet, for some reason, I felt so hot (dripping sweat, seeing yellow spots, etc., etc.) I decided to get into the bathtub soas to have the maximum amount of cold ceramic touching my body (gotta love how logical I am even in my dreams). Only in the dream, I was so confused because someone was pouring warm water on me and I couldnt get them to stop - I was soooo hot, it was unbearable. A little while later, I woke up.

You guessed it - I hadnt been dreaming. (WARNING: This next part is REALLY GROSS) And apparently, the 'warm water' I felt, was me losing control of all of my bodily functions at the same time.

My boyfriend is a saint, I tell you.

I gotta admit - I've done that. I was so sick that I couldn't think and I was dreaming that I had to go to the bathroom and for some reason convinced myself that if I dreamt I was on the toilet I was good to go.

Well, I went.. but was still in bed.

You two aren't the only ones.

A few years ago, I was taking care of my boyfriend as he had the plague. I was exhausted from taking care of him (he was a baby when he was sick) and had passed out next to him in the bed. I had a dream that I had gotten up and gone to the bathroom. Well, my dream woke me up, and I went to go to the bathroom... and couldn't go, because I already had.

I found out the next day when I went to the doctor that I had a pretty bad bladder infection, that somehow had NOT given me any pain... until after I had done that. To this day, I don't think that my ex knows what happened. I washed the sheets and everything first thing the next morning, and if he noticed that the sheets were damp in any way or questioned me doing the laundry, I told him that I had woke up in a sweat (San Diego. Middle of summer. Not a surprise.) and didn't want to sleep in sweat soaked sheets again that night.

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(C) Get Fuzzy 5.13.07

jamiescudder

When DH and I first moved into our current home it took him a little while to adjust. In the middle of the night he wouldn't wake all the way up before getting up to use the restroom and he'd think we were still at our old place. One night he peed in a corner in the hall, another night it was the closet that got it. I was glad when he finally adjusted to the move.

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minnaloushe

When DH and I first moved into our current home it took him a little while to adjust. In the middle of the night he wouldn't wake all the way up before getting up to use the restroom and he'd think we were still at our old place. One night he peed in a corner in the hall, another night it was the closet that got it. I was glad when he finally adjusted to the move.

My DH did that when we got a canopy for the bed. The first night he had to get up in the middle of the night he got caught up in the curtain and turned around. Luckily he woke me up with the rustling and I caught him before he peed behind the bedroom door. The next time we weren't so lucky so we took the curtains down.

When DH and I first moved into our current home it took him a little while to adjust. In the middle of the night he wouldn't wake all the way up before getting up to use the restroom and he'd think we were still at our old place. One night he peed in a corner in the hall, another night it was the closet that got it. I was glad when he finally adjusted to the move.

My DH did that when we got a canopy for the bed. The first night he had to get up in the middle of the night he got caught up in the curtain and turned around. Luckily he woke me up with the rustling and I caught him before he peed behind the bedroom door. The next time we weren't so lucky so we took the curtains down.

Sounds like you needed a can o' pee to go with your canopy.

Sorry. Just that when I was very young, I desperately wanted a canopy bed, and my father would joke, "I thought the canopy belonged under the bed!"

When I was in junior high I started my monthly curse for the first time while I was at school. I didn't know it until then, but I'm a heavy bleeder. When I discovered the problem i had blood soaking through my pants down to about knee level. Very disgusting, and very embarrassing.

I went to the nurse to ask her to call my mom so I could go change. She had me stand in front of her with my legs together and turn around. Because she couldn't see any blood while I was being very careful she wouldn't let me go home. This was after I had shown her how bad the situation was. (All I had to do to show her was move my legs a little bit.) So I ended up having to stay that way all day. Talk about needing a shower.

Icky-poo, and sorry for you! I felt so silly writing about my mess, but here you, were at least a teenager. There I was, a woman over the age of 35 and should have been better prepared, and the bathroom being so low on tp and paper towels. Up to that time, I never had such rotten luck.

When DH and I first moved into our current home it took him a little while to adjust. In the middle of the night he wouldn't wake all the way up before getting up to use the restroom and he'd think we were still at our old place. One night he peed in a corner in the hall, another night it was the closet that got it. I was glad when he finally adjusted to the move.

My DH did that when we got a canopy for the bed. The first night he had to get up in the middle of the night he got caught up in the curtain and turned around. Luckily he woke me up with the rustling and I caught him before he peed behind the bedroom door. The next time we weren't so lucky so we took the curtains down.

Sounds like you needed a can o' pee to go with your canopy.

Sorry. Just that when I was very young, I desperately wanted a canopy bed, and my father would joke, "I thought the canopy belonged under the bed!"