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Come on in, friend! Pull up a chair, grab a cuppa, and let's chat! I'd love to share what God's been putting on my heart about the topics of family, femininity, and faith, and you do the same. If you want to go deeper, join my Facebook group for "This Side of Heaven", and be sure to subscribe to keep up with every new post (no spam, I promise!). I look forward to getting to know you and sharing the journey "this side of Heaven!"

There has been a lot of online chatter lately about women who choose to forsake a certain style of dress in order to be more modest, sometimes giving the reason that they don't want to cause or encourage men to lust after them. Something as simple as a personal decision made out of consideration for others is being blown up into something worthy of discussions on morning TV talk shows.

I know a lot of the conversation has been about who is responsible for the thoughts of others, and quite frankly, I'm not going to get into that. Because all of that talk is getting in the way of the main point that dressing modestly is important and is a good choice, one to be encouraged in others.

A couple of caveats, though.

First, modesty is not only about what we wear. It is also about how we behave and it applies to both men and women.

Second, what modesty looks like, exactly, varies from culture to culture, even within our own country, and it may vary from setting to setting. However, your basic public school dress code is a good starting place, at least where I live (no midriffs showing, no underwear showing, nothing cut too low or too high, no cleavage...).

Third, just for the sake of context (not to dictate to others), my personal standard of modesty means not wearing things that are too form-fitting, too high in the shorts/skirts department, or too low on top, and I wear modest one-piece swimsuits. That may not be your standard, and I don't want to debate how high or low is too high or low. I share it just so you know where I am coming from.

So, with that said, here are some great reasons to pursue modesty that have nothing to do with how it makes (or doesn't make) other people think.

1. Because I like some mystery. I don't want more of me exposed than is covered, and I don't really want to see it in others either. There is great mystery in modesty, when a woman does not put herself all out there for others to see, and that mystery is attractive.

2. To model it for my children. I want my daughter to develop similar values and to know that she can dress modestly and beautifully at the same time. And I want my son to learn that women are not bodies to be displayed, but treasures, and equals, to be treated with respect and dignity.

3. Because it is more comfortable. The clothing and styles that I consider immodest re not even comfortable to me. I want to be able to move around freely.

4. Because God desires it from me. This is my first reason, actually. There are a number of Bible verses that talk about the importance of dressing modestly (1 Timothy 2:9 and Proverbs 11:22, among others). What that looks like exactly will vary from culture to culture, but the command is the same, and I want to walk in obedience to my Lord above all else.

5. To honor my husband. When we took our vows, we became one flesh. We belong to one another and our bodies belong to one another (yes, the Bible is clear in 1 Corinthians 7:4 that this goes both ways). I do not want to dishonor him by putting my body on display for others to see.

6. Because I think it is more feminine. I believe the more modest styles are, honestly, also more feminine and beautiful than those that are less modest, and I love looking feminine and beautiful more than striking and sexy.

7. To avoid having to be careful of how I sit or bend. This goes along with being comfortable, but I just don't want to think about what is going to be revealed to someone else if I bend the wrong way.

8. To not attract unwanted attention. This is not about causing someone to lust. Quite frankly, that is a personal responsibility. But your average psychologist knows that most men are stimulated visually, and I don't want to draw that kind of attention from any man I am not married to. Nor do I want to give others any reason to wonder about my motives.

9. To call attention to my words, heart, and actions more than my body. This is something that women are constantly fighting against. We are so much more than our physical appearance. Just look at a recent article about the incoming U.S. attorney general, described as "all of 5 feet" and wearing spiked heels. Seriously, what man in a prominent office would be described in a way that calls attention to his short stature or his footwear? If I want others to take my mind and my words seriously, I believe I need to dress in a way that does not distract from my message.

10. To take a stand against the direction our culture is moving. I am distraught at the increasingly sexual and sensual direction our culture is moving, and much of that is exemplified and encouraged when people dress and behave immodestly. When I dress modestly, I am doing one small thing to take a stand and encourage us to change directions.

One last thought. I asked my young daughter about this topic, to see why she thought it was important to dress modestly. This was her response, word for word: "Because God wants us to be modest just like it says in the Bible. And it is better otherwise your parts on your body will be showing. If you dress modestly, you will be thankful that you dress that way because then people won't say rude things about you."

I'm delighted to be sharing a bit about the journey of pregnancy after loss on the Columbia SC Moms Blog today. See below for a sample of my article and a link to find the rest!

"The journey of pregnancy after loss can feel like a long and lonely one, fraught with worry and tension. But it doesn’t have to be. There are some wonderful resources designed for those who are expecting after loss, both in print and online. There is also local support here in the greater Columbia area, both for loss and for the journey of PAL, throughNaomi’s Circle, a ministry that my husband and I began to reach out to parents of babies in Heaven...with the support of others, you can go beyond normal and learn to enjoy this time of preparing to meet your new baby, even while you remember the one you are still missing and will never forget."

For the last year, our family has been learning a great deal about childhood apraxia of speech, a motor-oral disorder in which a child knows what he or she wants to say, but there is a disconnect and the brain can't get the mouth to move in such a way that the right sounds and words come out. It is the working diagnosis for our son, and I find myself giving the clinical definition a lot to help other people understand what he struggles with and that no, he is not just not talking for the fun of it and he is actually not going to just start spouting off full-length sentences someday.

But the clinical definition does not come close to what apraxia is in our life. Because this is what it really is.

It is doing a happy dance because my two-year-old learned to say "no".

It is hours of therapy every week that looks like play but feels like work.

It is breaking "banana" down into two words he can say, "ball" and "nana", so he can ask for his favorite snack.

It is finding a sound that he can say that approximates his big sister's name so that he has a label for one of the most important people in his life.

It is seeing evidence of his intelligence everyday, but not really knowing what is going on in his head.

It is him using sign language to ask me to "help" him hold his lips so that he can say the "eee" sound.

It is reading status updates from friends about the cute things their kids say - kids the same age as my son, or even younger, but they are talking so much more than him.It is hearing him hum "Jesus Loves Me", all the way through, without words and praying that it means something to him.

It is getting excited because he used gestures and sign language and speech combined to tattle on his sister.

It is me holding his mouth in the right location to blow a bubble.

It is listening to him pray when the only words I can recognize are the names of our family members, and knowing that he is saying "thank you" in the best way he can.

It is watching his big sister play the part of the speech therapist on a morning when our session got canceled, and seeing her get as much out of him as us grown-ups do sometimes.

It is seeing him sleep, peacefully, and wanting so much to know what he is really thinking and feeling.

It is a lot, but it is not everything.

It is not as bad as it could be (of course), but still not something we're all that crazy about.

It is a chisel, but not a sledgehammer, for our hearts.

It is my son's burden to bear, but not one to break him.

It is an obstacle and a challenge, but it is so much less than the totality of who my son is - the boy who adores his sister, loves balls and trucks, will try almost any kind of food, will climb like a monkey to get on his daddy's shoulders, has learned how to button and unbutton his pajamas, recognizes the letter "C" everywhere, and insists on praying first at meals.

It is a tool that God can and will use, and is using, to shape our family, our son, and my heart, and for that I am thankful.

How is God using your child's needs to shape your heart? Share in the comments!

Welcome!

Welcome! My name is Kristi. I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a teacher, a writer, a musician... but most of all a child and worshiper of God discovering that even in life's messes, God is still good. Learn more about me and my journey here!

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Our family's story: a time of waiting and prayer, the birth of our sunshine daughter, the second trimester loss of our daughter Naomi, the first trimester losses of our babies Kyria and Jordan, another time of waiting and prayer, the birth of our rainbow son, the first trimester losses of our babies Hope and Christmas, and finally, another time of waiting and praying.