Poetry, Thoughts, Stories…

Anxiety

Anxiety is a strange thing. It is always there in the background of your everyday life… Like white noise. There’s no explanation for it most of the time yet it’s palpable in every second that goes by in your day/ night.

I have been plagued with anxiety and it feels even more heightened lately. Yet… Nothing’s wrong. Work is usual, I’ve been performing in sold out shows, home is quiet enough, I travelled recently… Nothing’s wrong yet I’m always feeling like I’m on the edge of “some thing” about to happen.

This is common and I know my sponsor would probably say it’s our side of the disease acting up… We are never used to things just going fine and we look for a reason for it to be bad – real or imagined.

I know I haven’t been sleeping (as usual) and lately I haven’t been following a proper pattern of eating so I’m sure those have been adding to it. I just can’t seem to get into a routine to calm down.

I lose interest in things so quickly… Adult coloring, exercising, watching YouTube videos…all start with excitement and enthusiasm and then after a week or two it’s over and I don’t have any interest in looking at it again.

I haven’t found anything yet that works to keep me relaxed for an extended period of time and keep me from imagining all the things that could go wrong in time.

I agree, you’re not alone. Not at all. Keep trying to find what works for you. I’ve dealt with debilitating anxiety for so many years, tried so many meds, therapy…I’m not giving up trying to find what works for me. Only in the past two weeks have I found some relief. For me it was adding another pill to my nighttime cocktail. It’s helped a great deal. I hope you find what works for you.