(Closed) Bridal party….

Our wedding date is June 1, 2013 and I have asked my fiancé to sit down with me to discuss our bridal party and that’s when the problem started….. My fiancé wants to ask 10 guys to be in our wedding and that does not include my 2 brothers! I really want my brothers to be in my wedding but he doesn’t feel it’s necessary. I personally only have 8 girls to ask (including his sister). This has become a huge argument between us because he is not willing to compromise…. I’ve tried to explain the costs of having a huge wedding party and how hurt my family would be if my brothers were not included. I agreed to 10 couples but he is not willing to cut 2 of his friends out…. What do I do???? He has agreed to everything else in the wedding so I feel bad pushing the subject but my wedding is 10 months away!

Could you invite your brothers to be ushers? Or readers? Or have them involved in some other way? I know that it is customary for many to include family members in the wedding party, but that doesn’t mean he has to. He likely wants to share this with the people/friends that he is closest to.

Uneven sides isn’t the end of the world! My FI is having 6 groomsman and I am having 5 bridesmaids. Uneven is the new cool! 😉

Look at the word here, Groomsmen…whose men? The Groom’s Men, that’s who…asking him to cut out two of his friends for your brothers is a bit of a reach, wouldn’t you be upset if he asked you to cut out two of your friends? There’s other places for your brothers? Got any Junior Bridesmaids or flower girls? Might be very special if your brothers were escorts…or your brothers could walk your mother down the aisle at the beginning of the procession. My point is, if this is a sticking issue, stop arguing about it, the definition of insanity is performing the same action over and over again and expecting a different result…there are plenty of special ways to include your brothers that don’t entail alilenating your FI and his friends.

I explained to him that I would ask my 8 girls and he could ask his 10 guys but he thought that was the dumbest thing ever…. So I mentioned asking his friends to do a reading at the church or asking them to have a special part but he doesn’t like that either…. His solution is to have 12 couples even though I only have 8 girls. He thinks I show just make new friends as “fillers”, how horrible! Could give in and have 12 couple but I feel that’s a boat load stress!

The sides don’t need to match and he is not required to invite your brothers to stand up for him (although it would be a lovely and meaningful gesture).

I do think that a bridal party of 18-20 is too many people though. It makes everything from selecting a bridesmaids dress/groomsman suit to the actual processional a LOT more complicated and expensive. There’s no way even all the ladies or all the gents will fit into a “normal” limo so that means if a limo was in your plans, you’re going to need at least one more than you think (two if you’re adamant about keeping the ladies separate from the gents on the way over to the ceremony) or a super stretch hummer thing (super stretch price too). And that’s just one example.

I’d see if you can end up around 12-14 in the bridal party (still too many for my tastes but much more manageable than 18-20) and find some other roles for some of your loved ones to fill, such as being ushers, doing readings, or so forth. But you would need to cut your side too, so that he doesn’t feel like you’re meddling or anything.

Honestly I worry about the potential drama when large bridal parties are involved. As your wedding is still about 9-10 months off, you may want to just let this topic sit for a month or two and see if your choices change at all.

Ahem, this is already a total stress-a-thon! And making new friends to fill in on your side is the worst idea in the history of life…next he’ll tell you that if your Dad’s late he’ll just throw a tux on the janitor and roll you guys on down the aisle! It’s cool if the sides aren’t the same number, that just means that some of your girls are going to have a fella on each arm, or whatever you end up doing, the point is you both have the people you want standing up for you because honestly, who is going to remember????

Solutions:1) have your two brothers stand up on your side. Boom, 10 and 10.

2) Have your two brothers serve as ushers (both my brother and FBIL are ushers and are walking the moms down the aisle). Tell FI that he must pick two friends to upgrade to readers (hey, groomsmen just stand there – readers get to SAY things!). Or heck, have one of them officiate if you are close to one of the current groomsmen candidates.

3) Make new friends. Obviously, I am being sarcastic in suggesting this – my FI jokingly suggested it as well (I have three BFFs, and multiple girls I’m friends with…but I wasn’t going to go out and make new BFFs just so I could have more BMs).

Also, as PPs have mentioned – having a bridal party that large will, without a doubt, be a recipe for disaster. Getting 4 girls to agree on a dress? Difficult. Getting EIGHT to agree on a dress? Impossible. A rehersal dinner for a minimum of 46 people (your BP + their dates + both sets of parents + you two) = expensive, difficult to plan. 8 BM bouquets? Super expensive. Maybe you can both cut it down to five or six? I don’t know how large of a wedding you are having, but most experts suggest one BM/GM pair per 50 guests. You don’t want your church/hall/venue to look empty because all of your friends are in the bridal party. Plus, you’ll need greeters, ushers, readers, etc…