Open Letter to the Master

To:Bart Yasso, the Guru of GallopFrom: Ted Spiker, the Sultan of SlugsSometimes...I feel stuck.I feel that my (lack of) pace and (abundance of) size prevent me from embracing such joys as regular racing and running with others.I feel like plowing ahead but get discouraged because I am indeed plowing.I feel like the only thing I think about during runs is what kind of smoothie I'm going to make when I'm done.I feel like making a smoothie.I feel as if the most underrated smoothie ingredient is uncooked oatmeal.I feel I'm now off-track.I feel that to get back on track, I need to get on a track.I feel that for me to do Yasso 800s on one such track, I'd be much more comfortable if they were measured not in meters, but centimeters.I feel as if you wouldn't like that very much.I feel jealousy when I hear people say they squeezed in a quick six or seven miles during lunch.I feel my definition of "squeezing in" involves fresh-from-the-dryer shorts.I feel like you may think I'm stubborn or not dedicated because in addition to running, I still like lifting weights, playing ball, and flipping tires.I feel those things should help me develop into a better runner.I feel like I should be better than I am right now.I feel that maybe I should start over. That maybe I should just pick a pace that I want to be my training pace. And then run. If I last only a minute, so be it. I'll build to two, then three, then eventually a mile, then two, then three. Maybe then I can reinvent myself.I feel like you'll think I'm asking for sympathy. Which I'm not.I feel like you might tell me (nicely) to just shut my meatball-hole and run. Which I should.I feel as if I could be one of your greatest challenges.I feel like I can ID one of my problems: Starts with "hip," ends with "flexor."I feel like you may ID another of them: Starts with "Ben," ends with "Jerry."I feel like you can help.I feel like you're going to tell me that first I have to help myself.I feel good after a run. I feel good because I run.I feel like that's all that should matter.I feel that it doesn't.... Sometimes.––-Ted Spiker remembers that in college, he would run to a convenience store a mile away, buy a pint of Ben & Jerry's, then run back and eat it. That was his first lesson in the inequity of calorie burn vs. calorie consumption. You can follow him on Twitter at @ProfSpiker.