Always ‘Zoning Out’? : Dissociative Disorder Explained.

Zone Out A Lot?

Those of us who experienced significant childhood trauma are at a far greater risk of developing the psychiatric condition known as DISSOCIATIVEDISORDER in adulthood than are the rest of the population.

Unfortunately, however, it often goes unidentified as it can, not infrequently, be misdiagnosed (most commonly as depression).

Not least because the professionals often make mistakes regarding the diagnosis of this condition, it does, of course, go without saying that we can’t diagnose ourselves in relation to dissociative disorder; however, we may gain an insight into whether or not we might be affected by it by asking ourselves if we’ve experienced the following symptoms:

often ‘zoning out’ and not remembering what’s just happened (for example, in the middle of a conversation, suddenly realizing one hasn’t taken in what has been said)

inability to remember large chunks of childhood (this is one of the symptoms I have. For example, I can remember almost nothing of the first eight years of my life).

difficulty making decisions.

feelings of being ‘separate’ and ‘distinct’ from own physical body ; this can feel as if one is watching oneself as if one were in a movie

feelings of being emotionally cut off from the world, as if looking out at the world from behind a thick, dark pane of glass (again, I have suffered severely from this. In such a state, one could look at, for example, a beautiful and stunning view yet feel nothing in response to it). This most distressing frame of mind is sometimes referred to as DEREALIZATION; this is because the world can feel ‘unreal.’

an unusually extreme tendency to enter an intense fantasy world as a child, shutting out the real world (in relation to this symptom, as a child, teachers at my prep school thought I had gone deaf as I was so immersed in my own world I did not hear or respond to my own name. This went on, I am told, for several months, although I do not remember this period in my life, see above)

realizing one has completed a particular task (for example, the washing up) but having no recollection of doing it

attacks of panic and anxiety

insomnia

Although most people experience some of these symptoms some of the time (which would NOT be considered pathological), THE MORE OF THE ABOVE SYMPTOMS A PERSON HAS, AND THE MORE SEVERE THEY ARE, THE MORE LIKELY IT IS THAT THAT PERSON IS SUFFERING FROM DISSOCIATIVE DISORDER ; symptoms of dissociation can be viewed as lying on a spectrum ranging from mild to severe. I outline examples of such symptoms below:

Mild symptoms include:

feeling in a daze (sometimes referred to as ‘mind fog’),

feeling utterly exhausted, numb and soporific for no obvious reason,

finding oneself tongue-tied when trying to talk about difficult experiences (as if experiencing a kind of mental block).

More severe symptoms include:

amnesia for certain events, or large periods of time, in one’s life (for example, I have no memory whatsoever of large chunks of my childhood). Such ‘dissociative amnesia’ far exceeds normal forgetfulness.

time loss : an individual may suddenly find himself in a particular place, with no memory of how he got there, unable to remember anything that has occurred in the recent past (e.g the last few hours or days).

feeling very out of control (for example, uncontrollably angry)

periods of apparent deafness (at my first school, when things were at their worst at home between my parents, at times I did not respond to my name being called out in class ; the school thought I was suffering from deafness; in fact, though, the cause was deep psychological trauma. This is certain as it became apparent this ‘deafness’ only occurred when the class was discussing parents or family matters or associated topics).

Dissociation And Switching:

Some people dissociate when under extreme stress (i.e when ‘flooded’, see above) in a way that almost resembles ‘changing personality’; this is referred to as ‘switching’.

In fact, it is NOT a literal switch of personality, but a switch of ego states/states of consciousness sometimes referred to by psychologists as ‘parts’ or ‘alters.’

Studies suggest that nearly all people who suffer such switching have experienced severe early life trauma. It is NOT a genetic disorder.

When a person switches due to stress, they switch from the ego state that s/he relies on for his/her day-to-day functioning to the ego state that is normally dissociated or ‘kept in a separate compartment’ in the mind. it is this separation that allows the individual to function daily, by preventing the feelings in the dissociated part from interfering in it).

This dissociated part contains profoundly painful trauma related feelings such as fear, shame and anger.

Overcoming Feelings Of Dissociation :

According to Dr Harold Kushner, author of Healing Dissociation, in order to overcome feelings of dissociation / dissociative disorders it is necessary to :

gradually, as part of a therapeutic process, come to terms with, and accept, the reality of one’s traumatic childhood experiences (as opposed to being in denial about this, repressing it or suppressing it)

firmly recognize the traumatic experiences are now over and in the past

firmly recognize that because the traumatic experiences are over and in the past, how one feels, behaves, thinks and acts no longer has to be constricted by these experiences ; one is free to start making fresh choices and take on a new, more positive approach to life

come to an acceptance that injustice, pain and suffering are inevitable parts of life and that what is of greatest importance is how one responds adapts to this inescapable fact.

find meaning in one’s experiences of suffering, such as how it has developed one as a person and how it can lead to posttraumatic growth.