- Logtar's Blog -http://blog.logtar.com
A Road Without Obstacles Leads Nowhere.Sat, 28 Feb 2015 19:52:39 +0000en-UShourly1http://wordpress.org/?v=4.1.1The Book of Mormon Kansas Cityhttp://blog.logtar.com/2015/03/01/the-book-of-mormon-kansas-city/
http://blog.logtar.com/2015/03/01/the-book-of-mormon-kansas-city/#commentsSat, 28 Feb 2015 19:52:39 +0000http://blog.logtar.com/?p=2989H and I have been wanting to watch The Book of Mormon for a while. Let’s start with a little context. H grew up in and around the church. Mormonism to her is not just a religion but friends, family and in some ways part of her culture. It is very similar to what Catholicism is to me. Neither of us are currently part of any particular church but we are both very respectful of what others believe. That said, we both have a crude sense of humor when we talk about religion to each other. We are both very frank people with each other about what we find hilarious but we don’t ever try to offend others with our views or ridiculing their views.

I have been in New York in recent years and I was tempted to go see the play while there, but opted to wait until we could see it together. We actually had plans to see it in Chicago but it did not pan out. We were fortunate enough to have a friend that had fantastic seats but was not going to attend so we bought the tickets from him. All that said we did have a close Mormon friend tell us not to go. It did cause some pause for me.

Before being married to a non practicing Mormon my knowledge of the religion was being visited at one point by missionaries down in Colombia. My Mom had a strict rule about other religions just not entering our household. I did have a grandfather that was agnostic most of his life but ended his days following Hinduism. I can be open minded and I did the whole American protestant churches tour. Mormons are a lot different than other protestants I have encountered. They are by far some of the most warm and welcoming people I have ever encountered.

SouthPark creators had previously taken on Mormonism with one of their episodes. Surprisingly that show only made me more interested about the religions and I have since watched it more than once and think it is really positive. It highlights the values that I really love about that religion, the emphasis on family. Mormonism is not for me because I really love coffee and my brain breaks the illusion of religion when it comes to food. Same reason I could not be a Muslim, I can stop eating bacon because it will give me a hear-attack but not because a book tells me so. I also stopped practicing Catholicism seriously when I realized that I forget lent and eat meat on Fridays… I did it for a couple of years without even noticing. I don’t like feeling guilty because of something I consume without thinking.

Before going to watch the show I looked for content about it and found a song that really made me a little uneasy. One of the best songs really highlights some of the reasons that Mormonism would quickly lose me as a member. The chorus “A Mormon just believes” is pretty tough for me. I have no problem with satire and Catholic altar boy jokes, however this song could potentially ridicule some of the doctrine.

The book of Mormon would not affect a devout Mormon at all. However, if you are a Mormon that has doubts or thinks there are things that don’t make sense, this play will probably highlight most of them in a way that might make you think it is pretty ridiculous for you to believe on them. Without giving away the whole play, I am certain that the creators of SouthPark were not trying to get members away from the church but simply make everyone laugh.

]]>http://blog.logtar.com/2015/03/01/the-book-of-mormon-kansas-city/feed/0Happy New Year 2015http://blog.logtar.com/2015/01/05/happy-new-year-2015/
http://blog.logtar.com/2015/01/05/happy-new-year-2015/#commentsMon, 05 Jan 2015 17:34:21 +0000http://blog.logtar.com/?p=2986I cannot believe that I have not written in here for so many months. This was probably one of the only places that used to keep me sane. I am almost ashamed to admit that I was a little scared of the internet for a while. I hated the feeling of exposure when it came to my feelings being here. Everything that you put out there is there for the scrutiny of everyone. While this has been true from the beginning and there are many posts here that could probably be taken the wrong way I decided to keep the blog up and continue writing.

The domain and hosting lapsed right around the holidays and it did not feel like I was losing much. That was probably the hardest thing to accept, that even though a big piece of me is here; not touching it for a while had made it almost that old diary that you bump into when cleaning the attic.

First I have to give thanks. 2014 was a fantastic year. It was a year of learning, experiencing and in many ways shedding old skin. The way a snake sheds its skin can be kind of repulsive, if you have the chance to see one at a pet store you might agree with me. However that is probably the most accurate way to describe the feeling of this year that was transitional in many ways.

I had given up on the thought of being a parent for many reasons. As I approach 40 I thought the window had closed…and then BAM, you are going to be a father. Not only that but you are going to marry someone that is a fantastic as your dreams have always made that person to be in your head.

I had tried to hang on to a lot of things this year, but it was really more about letting go. I let go of a lot of thoughts, I let go of a lot of behaviors and feedback loops, I let go of a lot of “friends.” I seriously never realized how much effort I was putting into relationships that did not matter to them as much as they did to me. It has only been recently when I have felt reciprocity in many relationships that I saw the wasted effort.

That said, I did make a lot of relationships stronger this year. I am surprised by how strong some of those are and were all along. I have a fantastic family and some exceptional friends that are moving my life forward in many special ways.

Overall this coming year will be about being more present. You cannot bank on an unrealized future or dwell on a past that can’t be changed. All that matters is now, today, and taking steps forward. I had missed on expressing a lot of things for the sake of not revealing to much. I want to get back to writing and taking pictures and riding my motorcycle more. Concentrate on living in the now and experiencing things. Funny thing is that now that I have a wife and a kid on the way everyone thinks that I will not be able to do those things more… in reality I feel that by having them in my life, everything has come into focus and I see a lot of things more clearly now. It is important to be true to self to be able to be a part of someone else’s life.

]]>http://blog.logtar.com/2015/01/05/happy-new-year-2015/feed/0Positive thinking is not foolishhttp://blog.logtar.com/2014/07/02/positive-thinking-is-not-foolish/
http://blog.logtar.com/2014/07/02/positive-thinking-is-not-foolish/#commentsWed, 02 Jul 2014 14:43:16 +0000http://blog.logtar.com/?p=2971I piss people off all the time. I wrestled with it for quite some time trying to change things about me so that others would not be put off in some strange way by me. I explored the “advice” I would give angle. I explore the way I “communicated.” I have done a lot of introspection on why is it that I end up pissing people off in ways that seem mysterious to me. I have started to conclude that it has to do with me being a happy person.

The first thing people do when they encounter my positive attitude is to dismiss it as foolish. People think that someone that is striving to be happy all the time is more than likely faking it. They sometimes also assume that I really have not had any struggles in life to have a positive outlook. My favorite is to call it luck.

I do feel lucky because there is no other word to describe some of the opportunities that have crossed my path. That said I did take plenty leaps of faith and have failed my fair share. Probably more than my fair share… but I don’t like to keep score, my brain does.

The cliche would be to say that I get to be positive because of hard work. It does require a fair share of that, trust me. One of my biggest struggle has been fitness for quite some time, I have tried many things in the past and I am excellent at justifying being lazy when I know I should be active. It is hard to stay positive about those things as well. Over time I have made changes though, little changes, changes that stick. Those make me happy. Those move me forward. Those keep me smiling. And they are not all about staying fit.

So back to pissing people off. Someone last night in one of my social groups said something that makes a lot of sense. Overall I am not the nicest person around, but I do surround myself with nice people. The angry and mischievous me does like to hang out with people that are mellow and happy. That seems to always rub people the wrong way because in their heads I am just lucky to have what I have (friends, career, family, etc).

Public speaking is terrifying to me for example, most people think I am a “natural” at it. In small groups, sure I don’t have a problem starting conversations. A big room though it is still something that gives me pause. I do it, I work at it, I try to get better. I have been part of toast masters and loved my speech class in college. I am better now at it because I just did it. That is just one example of the many things that people think come easy to me, but I got to them through just being stubborn and saying I will do it.

I never thought of pissing people off as a good thing. I never saw it as a measurement of success in any level. It seems that in this competitive society it is just the nature of the beast. The more you accomplish the more people are going to begrudge your success. I do enjoy my accomplishments, they make me happy. I cherish the relationships I have, but it does not mean that I have not had plenty of failed ones. The key is not to be good at anything from the start, the key is to keep trying until you get good at it. So don’t get pissed at someone for enjoying their life and being positive, write your own story.

]]>http://blog.logtar.com/2014/07/02/positive-thinking-is-not-foolish/feed/0Weekend Recap Ranthttp://blog.logtar.com/2014/05/27/weekend-recap-rant/
http://blog.logtar.com/2014/05/27/weekend-recap-rant/#commentsTue, 27 May 2014 16:18:02 +0000http://blog.logtar.com/?p=2958Even though I had an amazing weekend with my family I am pretty sad right now. Elliot Roger made a massacre again the leading headline. Wikipedia already has a page for it, 2014 Isla Vista killings. The Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting, I thought would be the last straw for many… I guess I was wrong.

This makes me sad for many reasons, and I am writing this because I cannot seem to get it out of my head. So here are some of my thoughts.

Asperger’s was not the cause, it was only a contributing factor.
Could gun control or laws better prevent this? or do we need to get more serious about mental health?
Where bulling and isolation also contributing factors?

When Sandy hook happened I thought that the answer was square on mental health. I do not think that access to guns is the answer, while I do think that further scrutiny on who buys guns is required I don’t think it will be the end all when it comes to these types of crimes. People that “lose it” will find another way to cause harm in my opinion.

The problem we have here is an individual that got obsessed with a thought. He thought sex was owed to him. He thought he was entitled. And while we could sit here and argue about how we live in a patriarchal society and rape culture is rampant, I don’t think that is the answer. That individual got stock in a thought, the thought he deserved something and when he did not get it he lashed out at the people he held responsible. Careful though… he also blamed humanity… in a way, he thinks we were all at fault for his pain.

I don’t understand Asperger’s completely. What I do know is that while most people can get over a bad thought, someone with that condition can become consumed by it. I think the evidence is pretty clear. I do hold some anger towards the movements out there that radicalize people.

I’ll put it in another context. More than once I have had lunch with a group that has included a woman that has recently ended a relationship. The moment the vitriol starts spewing about not just the person that was a jerk to them (perceived or not) but against all men! I have a problem with that person from then on. Generalizations are fine, we all use them to communicate and convey ideas. I think the issue lies when we blame an entire group of people (gender, religion, color, etc) for our problems. Once someone starts thinking in those terms they lose sight of the real issue they were dealing with.

I did not know the individual but lets say a blond girl did turn him down, lets say she even ridiculed him in front of others. I am sure we have all seen that at some point in our lives. The difference is most of us get over it and try again… but there are some out there that don’t.

From what I know of this case he did have help available to him. I wish I knew the answer to this problem. Did we have a systematic failure where law enforcement should have done something about it? Could they have prevented it?

This hits home because I have personally been the victim of this type of violence in the past. Nobody died that day, but my grandpa did have a heart attack and I got to see what a bullet does to flesh when one of my family members was actually hit by a bullet… I was not even 12 at the time. I don’t hate guns, some day I will write about that day in detail. In the end it was the same story, someone becomes obsessed with a thought enough to act on it.

I have always been somewhat of a Jon Favreau fan, so when I heard that he was going to be starting on a movie he wrote I was pretty intrigued. The movie seemed to have been promoted pretty well the last couple of weeks because it stayed in my radar. I heard an interview and a review on the radio. I knew from listening that it was a movie that I could not go hungry to because it was going to be a foodie porn movie for sure.

Chef’s cast was cast was excellent. Jon Favreau as “El Jefe” or the boss of the kitchen was very believable Chef Carl Casper. He created art when he was doing the cooking and highlighted the love that goes into crafting a good meal with some soul. John Leguizamo was the comedy relief as Martin, he had a couple of lines that will make you truly laugh without making the movie into a silly road trip movie. The kid in the movie was amazing, for such a young actor Emjay Anthony as Percy truly captured what it is to be part of a broken family and also let us see how kids not understand the digital world a little more than their parents. The female characters could have been a little stronger, but both Scarlett Johansson as Molly and Sofía Vergara as Inez did a great job playing roles a little bit different than what they do in most movie; still not different enough to be remarkable but it worked.

The movie also had two villains, Dustin Hoffman as Riva the clueless restaurateur and Oliver Platt as Ramsey Michel food critic and wordsmith that takes people apart with his reviews. Even Robert Downey Jr. as a small cameo brought laughter to the movie.

The movie is about great food and it also has some great music. I think it is a foodies’ must see this summer. One thing I found interesting is its take head on the topic of internet reviews. It is not very often that you get to face your critic and let him know how you feel. That part was interesting to watch. While it was a movie about food, it was also about social media in many ways. It is worth the time to watch it on the big screen. Do not go hungry into that movie if you are hungry or you will spend the rest of the day trying to find your nearest Cuban restaurant.

]]>http://blog.logtar.com/2014/05/27/chef/feed/0Culture of Interactionhttp://blog.logtar.com/2014/04/24/culture-of-interaction/
http://blog.logtar.com/2014/04/24/culture-of-interaction/#commentsThu, 24 Apr 2014 18:47:40 +0000http://blog.logtar.com/?p=2954I have not talked about culture in quite some time. It used to be one of the most interesting subjects to me, in some ways it still is, but being trapped in the corporate machine for what it seems like an eternity really put culture in the back seat. Recently the whole topic has been at the very front and center of my life. A lot has changed in my life in the past couple of years and even though it has nothing to do with identity, I have become very aware of how important culture is to me. Not just my culture, but just culture in general. I read this article () about business today but it resonated with me far beyond that, in particular this part.

Why is culture so important to a business? Here is a simple way to frame it. The stronger the culture, the less corporate process a company needs. When the culture is strong, you can trust everyone to do the right thing. People can be independent and autonomous. They can be entrepreneurial. And if we have a company that is entrepreneurial in spirit, we will be able to take our next “(wo)man on the moon” leap. Ever notice how families or tribes don’t require much process? That is because there is such a strong trust and culture that it supersedes any process. In organizations (or even in a society) where culture is weak, you need an abundance of heavy, precise rules and processes.

The topic of culture, not framed in this context or even by this word has been discussed by my group of friends a lot recently. I am very close to my family, in particular to my Mom and sister, we talk often, they are aware of what steps I am taking in life. I often bounce ideas off them just to get their reaction. That is part of my culture. They don’t make decisions for me, in fact I have often gone the complete opposite way of what they think I should do, however it is a great part of how I live my life. We did not need any process created, it just grew from mutual trust and family. When I visit them or they visit me, there is not a ton of preparation or discussion about it; we all trust each other to take care of the details. Not all families are like this, not all cultures are like this either.

America struggles to find an identity at times and with it its culture. I have talked about this before, but the part that I feel is lacking is trust. When you don’t even trust your own family and friends it is pretty hard to have interactions with them. Tons of protocol and process has to be build around something that should be natural and organic in the interactions you have with them. The more I become familiar with people here in the US I am amazed by the structures that have to be built in relationships and the lack of fluidity in interactions. Nobody shows up at your house unannounced just to “visit” probably being the best example.

I like being spontaneous, picking up the phone and saying hey you want to catch a movie or dinner tonight? That can send some people into almost an anxiety attack because they are used to planning things not just days but weeks in advance. So what do you think, does your family or group of friends have a culture that makes interactions easier? or are there tons of protocols and rules that you follow on your interactions with them?

]]>http://blog.logtar.com/2014/04/24/culture-of-interaction/feed/0What happened to Rock?http://blog.logtar.com/2014/03/27/what-happened-to-rock/
http://blog.logtar.com/2014/03/27/what-happened-to-rock/#commentsThu, 27 Mar 2014 16:41:19 +0000http://blog.logtar.com/?p=2948I guess the question could even be broader than that and ask what happened to music in general. Maybe I am getting old now that I am closer to 40 than 30. I just can’t seem to find good rock anymore. The most exciting thing that has happened recently is Corey Taylor rendition of Rainbow in the dark. How sad is that? No new music has really made me go, wow this is good rock. When J-pop seems to have better guitar than actual rock I think we are either getting old or everything that is produced now is crap.

I am not a fan of the Foo Fighters. The more I get to know Dave Grohl the more I like him, but I still find their sound just ok. Not something that I can listen to over and over like I did with Guns and Roses, Velvet Revolver, The Offspring and Metallica(before Living in Michigan and Mandatory Metallica killed that for me.) Bands like Aerosmith simply don’t exist anymore. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy Disturbed and can listen to some of the pop rock and enjoy it, but it does not evoke emotion the way the rock of my youth used to.

I used to think it was simply age, but it seems that even kids today don’t have a Nirvana.

So is anyone out there listening to something that I should listen to? Or is the simple answer that rock is just dead?

]]>http://blog.logtar.com/2014/03/27/what-happened-to-rock/feed/3The F@ck You Facehttp://blog.logtar.com/2014/01/14/the-fck-you-face/
http://blog.logtar.com/2014/01/14/the-fck-you-face/#commentsTue, 14 Jan 2014 17:47:07 +0000http://blog.logtar.com/?p=2944H has been trying to talk me into going into what I consider the ultimate redneck church (Bass Pro Shop) for a while. Mostly because they have 2 big fish tanks and I am a big fish geek, but also because there are a lot of things to see there. The number of taxidermy-ed animals in there was my what first repulsed me. I encountered the practice very early on through some family friends back in Colombia… the dude also collected butterflies and other insects, and that part was cool… the mothball odor was not… I can almost taste it right now. So yea, back to the unreal amount of stuffed animals in one place. This took the place of the previous most numerous stuffed animal display which was impressively held all these years by a friends’ parent’s house that I visited back in college. Don’t get me wrong, you kill it, you eat it and you stuff it is not something I am against, it is just a little shocking when people keep carcasses as trophies, makes me think of predator.

The place is actually fun once you get over the fact that the place is probably hunted by the thousand animals souls separated from their flesh (if you believe in that sort of thing, not sure what the native american stance on that would be.) They have a shooting range… wait, actually they have like 3, real guns, lazer guns and even bows. You can buy more camouflage stuff in there than I though existed. It is a hunters paradise. I did not get to eat at the restaurant but I can only imagine the menu. I wonder if they have a vegan option.

This post is about something else though. The most shocking thing I saw there was the f@ck you face that almost every male that was there with a female sported. It was kind of unnerving to see so many people that looked so angry.

I’ve hung out in the west side of Chicago with some black friends at a park. The people there were not those you take lightly, people just out jail with more muscle than I thought was natural. I was not nervous until I saw a dude fumbling with a gun that did not seem to really know how to use it. We left shortly after. None of the people there made direct eye contact event thought they did look my way, I was a couple of shades lighter than I should have been but I did not feel like there would be trouble. I was not scared there, but I was alert to what was going on around me. That was probably the only place where I was so many people so alert.

I never thought that I would see something similar at a camouflage mall, but there I was around grown man practically dragging their woman by holding their hand tightly while wearing that f@ck you mask. All the guys there that I saw with what I assume was their wife had similar expressions and just wanted to display their machismo I guess. I am seriously not using my usual blank statements either. It was almost as if they were handing plates with feces before you entered the parking lot because I can only assume that is the face you make after you eat a plate full of it.

Then I thought about a conversation I had recently with a friend. I was wondering from an American perspective why is it that higher education or intellectuals are almost looked down upon by so many in this country. My friends theory is that intellect is though of as a feminine or weak trait. That this country is about guns and beer, and that reading a book is for weak effeminate types. Sure, it seems like an extreme view, but there might be something to that.

I am not really faced by the f@ck you face, it does not make me fear you. I live in America… not sure how long the whole ‘MURRICA trend I see getting bigger lately will go, but I hope it goes away… I mean, even the benign flower power of the 60%s went away… right?

That quote resonated with me. My journey might not make sense to many, maybe not to anyone besides me; but in the end it really only has to make sense to me. For some time now I have thought about my life in terms of a book, and while I go through it some people that used to seem to be chapters of the book have merely become footnotes. For the longest time I used to think that making others understand me or my journey was important only to realize that those really interested would not care to get what my journey is about, simply just be a part of it.

We are all in some way marked by our pasts, but do they really define us? are we really in control of the outcome? Living in the present is sometimes a lot harder than it seems on paper. A new year gets here and we are faced with evaluating what was and what is to come. Do we dwell, do we move forward, do we refocus?

Initially I wanted to start the year (or end it) with a post about the new year resolutions I had in mind. Health both mind and body are top of the list, but experiences are also sprinkled there for good measure. I had found a list that made a lot of sense, and as I get older it makes even more sense. With age we gain perspective. What used to matter, really does not matter in the long run. What are we left with then? Regret?

I regret little by simple force of will. I am stubborn enough to try to squeeze juice out of every lemon life sends my way. I do hate the word, but it seems to at times always catch my attention. What will I regret when I get old?

Not travelling when you had the chance
I’ve had to turn a couple of trips down simply because of work schedule, but this year it seems that I will actually make it to South America a couple of times in business, maybe even more.

Not learning another language
My goal is still 5 some day, I will revisit French some day but I have started on Portuguese, Rosetta Stone and all.

Failing to make physical fitness a priority
Gym membership is still active, but this year will see me not only using my bike more but getting back into P90X.

Refusing to let friendships run its course
I’m really bad at this one, but I think this year I will be able to just let things go and not try so hard with friendships that are just not what they used to be.

Worrying too much
Not sure what changed this exactly but I have become better and better at it. This is truly a skill that comes in handy.

Not spending enough time with loved ones
This one is challenged by geography but I want to see my best friend this year as well as visit Chicago more often.

Never performing in front of others
A while back I was all into doing an amateur stand up show, I think this year I might actually start working towards that again.

So there you have it. Those are the ones that I will be concentrating on this year. While this is more for me, I hope that maybe this makes you think about something positive to accomplish this year. To a very prosperous 2014 my friends.

]]>http://blog.logtar.com/2014/01/04/journey/feed/0First Vine Shavinghttp://blog.logtar.com/2013/12/22/first-vine-shaving/
http://blog.logtar.com/2013/12/22/first-vine-shaving/#commentsSat, 21 Dec 2013 19:35:18 +0000http://blog.logtar.com/?p=2935
]]>http://blog.logtar.com/2013/12/22/first-vine-shaving/feed/0Those People – Esa Gentehttp://blog.logtar.com/2013/12/12/those-people-esa-gente/
http://blog.logtar.com/2013/12/12/those-people-esa-gente/#commentsThu, 12 Dec 2013 15:56:47 +0000http://blog.logtar.com/?p=2930I realized long ago (but quite early when moving here to the US) that I had become one of “those people.” I was given my label and not just by some people, but everyone seemed to have a label for me that was supposed to identify me. I work with people from all over the world, and not just because the US is full of immigrants, but actual international clients that are based all over the globe. Recently I’ve been working a lot with Latin America and the funny thing is that even though I am Colombian by birth and very proud of it, I still got a label… I am now the “Colombian Gringo.”

The labels don’t bother me, while I know that everything that people say and think about you does affect you to a certain degree that is not the issue. Some labels are about inclusion, most of them are about belonging. Immigrants here in the US is immediately attached to Mexican people crossing the border, by association (skin tone I guess) I am a Mexican as well. I have felt the discrimination and exclusion. Infiltrators is what some Israelis call African immigrants, same issue, same label… again skin color?

The hard part starts when people think you are not like the others. Like when people hear me speak English in a professional setting and they don’t notice my accent… then they start with the, well you are not like those people that don’t learn English… inside my head I am thinking, like my parents that speak broken English because they came here as adults and have done nothing but work hard in this country? or like my Grandma that had no interest in learning more than just the basics because there was no point to learn any more than that.

Even when the color of the skin does not give me away, I am not black… that does not mean that one of my closest friends that feels like a brother to me isn’t. Or the fact that I am not Mexican, yet my niece and nephew share half of that heritage in their blood. I am not trying to make you walk on eggshells around me either, I am just challenging you to think about your perception about what “those people” are.

Poverty is something that has had an effect on my better half growing up. While color might not be something she has dealt with as much as I have she has dealt with the poor thing before. Poor people are also looked down upon by others, “those people” that can’t afford this or that. Unless you have lived it in some way it is hard to relate to it, I understand. Just try to think about it before you generalize a group of people that you know nothing about. Try to find common ground and understand them rather than slap a label on them and call it a day.

]]>http://blog.logtar.com/2013/12/12/those-people-esa-gente/feed/1Secularhttp://blog.logtar.com/2013/10/29/secular/
http://blog.logtar.com/2013/10/29/secular/#commentsTue, 29 Oct 2013 14:39:52 +0000http://blog.logtar.com/?p=2926I like how the world sounds, it rolls off the tongue almost like popular. What is not very popular is discussing religion in this country of ours. While I do have many friends that are very open about their atheism and others very open about their faith, I find it very difficult to have an intelligent conversation about the subject in public. There is a category in my blog about the bible. I like the bible, I like bible study. I like discussion about the topic of faith… however, I hate religion.

I first became more aware of the weight of the world secular while attending an evangelical church. The indoctrination consisted of separating yourself from things of “the world” as if it was not something we were a part of. As a nerd, the concept of alternate realities is a common one and one that is fun to play with; but to constantly try to feel myself separate than the reality that I lived in was kind of weird to me. Eventually there was a breakdown on the whole facade. People that were “higher up” would constantly listen to the music that they told others to cast away. That whole duality did not sit well with me. The concept did stick with me though, if you don’t do things in the name of “insert imaginary friend” you are of the world.

I like dancing quite a bit, I grew up dancing salsa and giving that up is like giving up something that brings many wonderful memories I have with my Mom. One of my favorite moments that will stick with me forever is when she got remarried and I had the chance to dance with her. As we danced together I could see so many emotions in her teary eyes and I could see how happy she was. Some religions call that “of the world” and dancing is a bad thing that leads to sin. Stuff like that makes me take Richard Dawkins or Sam Harris a lot more seriously.

But is the universe really random? Is there no force that unite us all? Are we all alone?

So many constructs out there are meant to make us feel better, secure, happy and fall in line with society. Religion, god could be some of them. I find myself constantly wondering if a prayer is really not as powerful as it feels. Or also how it feels weird to just send positive thoughts to someone. Am I even as spiritual as I profess to be?

I wish I had more answers than questions. I do know that I don’t need religion as a moral compass, but dam this new pope is pretty awesome. I also go back and think about the conversation I had with a devout catholic and his very firm belief that Muslims were multiplying and we needed to keep up. I don’t understand the whole world, I don’t think anyone does. Not sure if I am becoming more secular as I get older but I do know I live in the world.

]]>http://blog.logtar.com/2013/10/29/secular/feed/0Somewhat Personalhttp://blog.logtar.com/2013/10/01/somewhat-personal/
http://blog.logtar.com/2013/10/01/somewhat-personal/#commentsTue, 01 Oct 2013 16:01:18 +0000http://blog.logtar.com/?p=2923Everyone feels pain in a different way, and I think part of the human condition is to think that your pain is greater than what others are feeling. Then you see someone in a worse position that you are mentally, physically or financially and you are grateful for what you have. At least I am… at least I try to be that way. I used to try to entice some conversation by bringing up a topic that I thought needed exploring and further understanding. I even at times resorted to “trollin” a bit for fun, then a good friend called me out on it and made me realize that truly you don’t gain anything (not even entertainment value) from the practice. True and honest communication is more important.

I lost my dog Friday night. I have been separated from a beloved pet before by someone else taking it, or having to move to another country or just the proverbial toilet flush of a dead fish that you had for years… but this week for the first time I lost my dog. Lucy had been the first animal to give me this level of unconditional love, ever. Sure my cat Shayla is still around and it will be hard to deal with when she is not since she has been with me for now 13 years… but she is a cat. She does give a crap sometimes but most of the time she is just, well, a cat. Lucy was not like that. We lost our other dog earlier this year and he liked me… well he kind of tolerated me and was not at all cool with me being the new alpha. He accepted it but did not have to like it. Lucy even though she was the biggest dog and capable of probably ripping anything to shreds in her path was gentle. She was always happy to see me, she was always looking for a chance to lick my elbow (I think she knew I hated that) and was content with simply just laying down close to me by the couch or in the office.

We don’t know what took her away from us… the vet has theories, but no real answers. She did not whimper, she did not cry out, she just went to sleep forever very peacefully right next to my side of the bed.

There is a post that I drafted years ago and never posted. It has to do with pets and pet ownership. I probably will never post it because it is in a way a form of trying to entice people to a conversation on pet ownership.

I hate having pets. Mostly because they are a huge responsibility in a world already full of those. I am also highly allergic to them (touch a cat, then touch my eye and yea watch them puff up.) I hate getting close to them and the fact that in American life we (see I said we) value more the life of an animal right next to us than other human beings. I hate the fact that there are so many irresponsible pet owners out there. I hate the fact that we create connections with these animals and at times those are stronger bonds we have with other humans.

In the end I love Lucy because of the unconditional love she provided to me during at times some very difficult moments. Life changes, I have a lot to be happy about right now… but it truly sucks that I lost my dog.

I have a huge chip on my shoulder. Every time someone that has never been outside of the U.S. of A. and they call ‘Murrica the best country in the world, it irks me. Not because I think that Colombia is the best country in the world (even though I think it is a happier nation.) but because I think to call something the best you at least have to have something to compare it to. I also discount military that have been “off base” during their duties because like tourists they probably never “lived” in those countries. For a country so set on assimilation and propagating democracy, this country does little to get to know anyone else. So again, unless you have lived in another country and has actually tried to learn a little about their culture you have no business calling America the best country in the world.

That said, America is great and exceptional. Careful though, exceptional does not mean necessarily better. If you did have the chance to read what Putin addressed to us “A Plea for Caution” it is quite a well crafted piece. I’ve had some time to digest it now and while I don’t dismiss it as propaganda I do see it as somewhat of a slap in the face. Not of America, not even of Obama, but it is a slap on the “World Police” mentality. The UN is or was supposed to be that… but are they?

What Putin wrote bothers me. It bothers me not because some of what he says is correct, heck most of what he says is correct… but how can a piece that ends up being somewhat arrogant calls the US arrogant. The part that bothers me the most is the “exceptional” comment. The US is exceptional in many ways, it is not a perfect country and I am quite critical of it and its society at times, but it is the land of opportunity. It is the land of inequality, just hidden a little better than in other places.

You have to understand that even though I was born in another country and sometimes feel more part of the “Fifth Estate” than anything else, I am American. I finished my schooling here, I have worked most of my life here, I continue to shape who I am as a human being here. I am an American. While I do dream of retiring somewhere else, I will always be grateful for the opportunities this exceptional country gave me and still gives me.

So to Mr. Putin (I almost called you “Pootie Poot” which is what we call him in our household) while I am not against the notion that we are all created equal under God, this country houses a lot of different people, and yes different does things out of the ordinary. This is an exceptional nation, and while maybe not the best or better than any other country in many respects This is still America and we will continue trucking on.

]]>http://blog.logtar.com/2013/09/17/exceptional/feed/1Before the month ends!http://blog.logtar.com/2013/08/27/before-the-month-ends/
http://blog.logtar.com/2013/08/27/before-the-month-ends/#commentsTue, 27 Aug 2013 16:02:44 +0000http://blog.logtar.com/?p=2912It has been difficult to create content lately, not because there is a lack of stuff I want to talk about but because the blog format is simply not lending itself to me right now. I do have some good news though, a group of friends and I have started to work on a podcast. Episode one should be coming soon, but I think we might wait until we are in about the third one to actually start really spreading the word. Call it proof of concept for now.

Surprisingly enough I think that doing the podcast might make it so I blog more. I think being able to explore topics that I talk about in a podcast format might make me want to expand on them… maybe even blog before the podcast so that I get my ideas in order. Not sure if I am just hanging on to a dead medium or not… but hey sentimentalism is not a horrible thing now is it?

Horrible segue coming,

Not truly a dead blog, but a dead person talking to us from beyond. “A local sportswriter blogs about committing suicide.” I had heard about this story the day that it happened from a local radio station that basically figured it might be a hoax… it was not. The website he left is truly haunting in many respects. Not the least haunting is that I know people that think like the guy does. As some of you might know I have had to deal with death quite a bit lately… loss sucks… it is hard to get over, but it also gives us an opportunity to appreciate life.

I had a very informal conversation with someone after a business trip. I was not a fan of the place I had just visited for many reasons, I did not feel safe, I did not like the food, etc. The person responded with the ‘MURRICA is the greatest. I really hate that point of view, even more so when it comes from a person that has never traveled outside of ‘MURRICA. That coupled with death got me thinking more and more about retirement and getting old in this country.

I really don’t want to spend my “golden years” here. I think there are plenty of better places to retire at and I lean towards Colombia being a possible destination just because of familiarity. Trust me it is not the violence ridden nation it used to be back in the 90s, and while it is not a perfect place, no place in the world is. Getting old here in the US sucks because this society sees everything as disposable, including people.

It might sound like I am depressed but I am really not. I am not saddened by the thought of getting old, in fact I look forward to be able to do some things in my later years. Who knows I might even be in the kid making business still. I do want to be realistic about the future and about retiring. Maybe it is just wishful thinking about making it to old age.