and my small place in it

Carry on

Well, that was a hiatus-unintentional, but somehow I think my mind decided it needed some time away from transcribing events for a bit. The “mom/elder care” stuff had to sift down and settle into a nice, neat pillow of contentment and ease, which it has since she has moved into extended care a month ago. I think I was bracing for more turmoil due to the move and so couldn’t relax to write; waiting for the next upheaval, upset, or meltdown. But it didn’t come and shows no signs of pending.

And while it is heart wrenching when she asks about where her home is, and why can’t she go there and asking us, is this where I am going to live? For how long? She has gently come to understand that this is how it is now.

We have gotten her another iPhone too, since hers had gotten tampered with and broken while she was in the hospital two months ago. We didn’t feel we should replace it then because she really wasn’t doing well, and figured she wouldn’t remember how to use it anymore. But since leaving the hospital she’s back to her old self (well, she is 90), and had asked where her phone was.

My sister then resurrected her i4 and gave it to her. This lasted a couple of weeks before it was put through the laundry by housekeeping (who would think to look in a 90 year olds pocket for an iPhone?) so I brought my i3 out of the drawer and handed it over to my brother-in-law who installed a new SIM card and she’s back in business. My sister also bought a strap-on holder to go on the arm of moms wheelchair. No more wash-day mishaps.

We all still do continue to visit her as before and go on outings, but it does feel good to be able to call her when I’m not traveling up to visit, and she doesn’t feel disconnected from us knowing she can call anytime. It also carries with it some autonomy for her, and something to tinker with during the day.

My shoulders have lowered into their relaxed state and I’m breathing deeper ~