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Atheist in the Woods

Ever
since I sprained my left ankle playing basketball last March, I have never
fully recovered. My back, my knees, my joints ... they all seem to be
creaking with rust.

So
I go to the gym to regain some vitality. But I wind up staring at the
characters in this athletic world. I look to the weight room and everyone
there's strutting their biceps ... even the women have biceps!

I
look up at the stationary bikes ridden by a few "rounder" shapes
and they are sweating buckets. (I feel their pain.) I imagine chocolate
bars oozing out of their pores. I gaze at the fancy exercise contraptions.
Now I know why they're so popular --- they're like toys that you just
gotta ride. It's the great deception you fools! You ride it for
fun but you are really shedding pounds. What an evil plot!

Why is our society so obsessed to be muscle bound? For what purpose? For
the men to score with the ladies? And the ladies to lord it over their
men? I notice that the more skin you put out, the healthier you tend to
be. Show off!

At the pool I see some people flexing their weak limbs in the therapeutic
water. Good for them! I've never been to the sauna but I know people
share their sweat like brothers ... really really close brothers. Mmmm
... nah! That's not for me!

My
eyes light up when I see the basketball court. Maybe I could shoot a few
hoops. But then I see how nimble and how quick the young men are and I
retreat to my corner of disgrace.

Why
do these people come to the gym? Don't they know they can exercise just
as well at home? Suckers all of them! And then I look at myself
in the mirror. "Why, hello --- sucker!"

What's
really sad is, I know I'm going back! TGIF people!

Wisdom
from Don of Kelowna, B.C.

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President;
I'm beginning to believe it.Clarence Darrow

Thanks
to this week's winners:
Tom and Art of Pasadena; Charlie and Audrey of New Jersey; Don
of Kelowna; Pete of Virginia, Rodney of Manitoba; Naomi of North
Hollywood.

As he was walking
alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to
look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charging towards him.

He ran as fast
as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that
the bear was closing in on him.

He looked over his
shoulder again & the bear was even closer.

He tripped & fell
on the ground.

He rolled over to
pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him and reaching
for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant moment,
the Atheist cried out: 'Oh my God!'Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

As a bright light
shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.

'You
deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and
even credit creation to a cosmic accident ... now you expect me to help
you out of this predicament?'

'Am
I to count you as a believer?'

The atheist looked
directly into the light and said: 'It would be hypocritical of me to
suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could
make the BEAR a Christian?'

'Very
well', said the voice.

The light went out.
The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw,
brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:

'Lord
bless this food, which I am about to receive from Thy bounty through Christ
our Lord, Amen.'

Weekend
of Cars and a Mafia BossA
public service announcement

If you like classic cars, the
Whittier Area Community Church (WACC) is having a Car Show this Saturday
8am to 3pm. James Bond's car and the Batmobile will be there. On Sunday,
former mob boss Michael Franzese will be sharing his story of how he got
out of that lifestyle.
Address: 8100 Colima Road, Whittier, CA 90605

Videos of the week:

Defective
Vacuum CleanerContributor:
Audrey
and Charlie of New Jersey

A wife asks hubby to vacuum the house. 15 minutes
go by and she hears nothing and he's yelling from the other room:
"This dang thing is broken! It won't start!!" Watch the
video and discover why she gets angry but laughs as well!

So
God Made a DogContributor:
Rodney
of Manitobo, B.C.

There's more than one reason why God created man's
best friend. This video pretty much covers all the reasons why.

Britain's
Got Talented Old MenContributor:
Art
of Pasadena, CA

These men are inspiring. To be that age and still
dance like that ... there's hope for me after all. Time to go back
to the gym!

Israel's
Latest War TechnologyContributor:
Tom
of Pasadena, CA

If you ever doubt that this tiny country would ever
have the ability to defend itself, you better watch this video.
War victories are determined not only by the size of its trained
military but also by its technology. And I believe Israel is way
beyond most countries in the Technology Department.

Mount
Everest from the Ground UpContributor:
Tom
of Pasadena, CA

Did I tell you? When I went to the Philippines, I
hiked 5 kilometers through rocky terrain to get to the crater of
Mount
Pinatubo --- the volcano whose eruption was so devastating it
wiped out whole villages and whose ashes reached all the way to
the California coastline. This video reminds me of that tortuous
trek. I thought I would die.

The
Elephants That Came to DinnerContributor:
Naomi
of North Hollywood, CA

I thought this was a video I shared earlier but it's
a more finished version of the same phenomenon of a herd of elephants
doing their annual "pilgrimage" through man's domain.