Britons anxiously await news of whether sex works or not

The much anticipated due date for Kate Middleton’s child has come and gone, and a nation holds its collective breath for proof that sex is a thing they can do.

“We’re all quite puzzled as to how this happened,” says British citizen Martha Hale, “and we simply cannot wait for The Royal Family to release their findings on this new, rather enchanting activity.”

Great Britain is a country built on tradition, and for centuries they have been delivering newborns the ol’ fashioned way: large winged birds. However, this may abruptly change thanks to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, who have been hailed as “jolly brave” for being the first of their people to participate in this experiment.