Detroit Teen Wants To Be On The Naughty List

Teen angst is in full force when a 15 year old named Roger decided that he would rather be on the naughty list. Why? And what did he do to get there?

DETROIT, MI - After 25 hours in an interrogation cell the local authorities finally allowed the press to talk to the convicted felon and supposed madman Roger who held the post office hostage in exchange for every Christmas list they received.
"He burned them all." A creepy looking mailman explained, "every last one."

Standing among a fiery pile of ashes containing the hopes of nearly every little kid in the city limits Roger was subdued by authorities only muttering "Naughty...Naughty...Naughty...".

"We only beat the shit out of him a little bit and not because he was black, I mean, he was black, but if he was white we still would've beat the shit out of him." - Officer Hardbone

As word spread, the Anti-Santa Claus was given national media attention which led to the disaster on FOX News. "Kids, the anti-santa claus is black."

hoe hoe hoe and a bottle of lean

"Woah there, hold up, what do you mean the anti-santa claus is black?" Reverend Al Sharpton, notorious race instigator spoke to a bunch of people that probably shouldn't be listening to him, "Even though the Anti-Santa Claus is referring to a very specific character whose nickname we specifically gave to that one person and it is represented in the media as such doesn't mean that the Anti-Santa Claus is black. Even though he actually is black."

While the nation was fighting over his identity Roger was in his workshop (prison cell), and teen news finally got him to admit why he wanted to be on the naughty list. "well if you're bad santa gives you coal and...COAL WORLD" Apparently, this all happened because people actually listen to J. Cole.