This morning I awoke to an email blast from TMZ with a the subject line “Dr. Oz, What’s Up With Your Noodle?” and two close-ups of his crotch (because penis obviously = noodle). Here’s the email in full:

Dr. Oz is reeeeeeealllllyyyy excited about his pasta … judging by the southern bulge he appeared to be sporting during a photo shoot for “Good Housekeeping” … OR IS IT???

The Internet has been buzzing ever since this photo surfaced in the April edition of GH … which appears to show the doc enjoying magnum-sized bites of pasta … while pitching a khaki tent.

Some people think Oz’s anatomy is to blame … others believe it’s simply an optical illusion created by a crease in his pants.

They also added that they called Dr. Oz’s people “to get long and short of the photo mystery” (har har!) but that they hadn’t heard back. Somehow, I don’t think they will…