Saturday, May 27, 2017

Razors and ice cream

I
shaved my father yesterday.

He
had gone unshaven for weeks, and had been complaining lately that he had
started resembling a certain Osama bin Laden (yes, though he is almost
completely bedridden owing to the diminution of motor functions, his head is
that clear still). And we agreed that none of us liked the idea of calling in a
barber very much.

His
skin has been very soft and sensitive since the radiotherapy session. We had been told it shouldn’t even be rubbed vigorously with a
towel for the first ten days. So I attempted the task with some trepidation, and only because he said
he was confident enough about my ability to wield a razor. I dare say I didn’t
do too bad a job, though I kept a bit of it undone for another day, and he said
he’d given me full marks – certainly he didn’t wince once, and there was not a
single nick. It took a bit of time, but it was curiously satisfying for both of
us.

So
maybe I could have been a barber too. Funny how many things a man can do if he
puts his mind to it. Since my daughter was a child, she would never allow anyone
but her daddy to prise tiny shards of wood and things like that from under her
nails or lance boils or dress her wounds ever so gently. Nursing, also, then?
Who knows?

The
older one grows in this land and age, the more one feels that time – time with
undivided attention and caring – is what we are most stingy with when it comes
to loved ones. We try to make up for it by shopping lavishly for them instead.
And now we are actually raising children who have been taught to believe that
that is indeed what loving means. I keep reading essays about how ‘happy’ they
are because their parents bought them this or that gizmo. Most of them have
never been played with, never been read or sung to, and hugged rarely if ever
since they grew out of infancy: I’ve checked. What a sad world we have made,
really. The doctor, while discussing my father’s condition, sniggered that a lot of folks find satisfaction in spending little
fortunes trying to hold back their old parents in this world for a few extra
weeks or months through fancy but essentially futile medical procedures. I
could add that they do the same again on lavish post-funeral do’s…I remember as
I write a little girl neighbour telling my daughter more than a decade ago not
to miss her great-grandmother’s shraddh
feast, because there would be two kinds of ice cream.

2 comments:

I am glad to hear that your dad is doing better than before. Having aging parents myself and working away from my country , I am always kind of anxious what shall happen in the future...

For me , my aging parents kind of represent the fundamental truth of the universe that time is constantly running in the background while we waste it everyday with frivolous pursuits of wealth ,or 'status' -as middle class Bengali's tend to say.

The indian custom of 'shradh' has always been an engima for me . I cannot comprehend the logic of gathering people to eat a delicous meal on account of someones death.

On my passing, there should be no 'shradh'. Only one or two well wishers who would shed a genuine tear would be in and of itself a blessing from God.

My prayers for your dad and you in this moment .Keep Healthy and keep safe and as you have mentioned, enjoy this time with a loved one.

Missing you. You are such a loving and kind son to your father. I know it must be hard at times. I have the deepest respect for you and have had ever since I got to know you years ago. I have been battling pneumonia for over a month but think I've about got it conquered. I lost my brother at Christmas time and my son in law in April. Harsh year. Love, Lavona

About Me

I am 54, and for 15 years now a confirmed home-bird. I read, write, teach, counsel, listen to music, exercise, watch movies, have fun with kids including my own, have tried to be a good husband, think all the time, and generally endeavour to live the good life as I have understood it. It's tough.