Parrot-napping Ranks With The `Weird Crimes`

The statistics are in and they do not look good. Serious crime rose sharply in Broward County in 1985 -- 16.4 percent.

According to the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, there were 89,260 instances of murder, rape, robbery, assault, burglary, larceny and auto theft last year.

But the figures fail to show that another category of crime is growing out of control -- ``weird crime.`` Here are some cases already reported this year:

Hamburger wasted: Two gunmen abducted a 5-foot Big Mac statue from a McDonald`s restaurant in Fort Lauderdale in December and took it to the Everglades.

There, they brutally blew the burger away in what police called an execution-style slaying. Police thought the triggermen had blood on their hands, but discovered it was ketchup.

The two men confessed to the crime in February, saying they really were taking target practice. They agreed to pay McDonald`s $1,500 to replace the statue.

Wedding bell blues: During a wedding reception at Tradewinds Park in Coconut Creek in March, a brawl broke out between the wedding party and a group of ``scrubby-looking`` people, police said.

The scrubbies had been drinking beer and playing football before harassing the marital proceedings. When the melee was over, one man was arrested on charges of smashing a beer bottle over a 16-year-old youth`s head. The groom`s hand and the bride`s thumb reportedly were broken, and six guests suffered gashes, bruises, black eyes and dog bites.

Piggy in the pokey: Miramar Police Officer Bruce Keesling had a hog-day afternoon in late April; he responded to a complaint of a loose pig and rounded up a 35-pound porker in the 1800 block of Southwest 99th Avenue.

The pig was placed in the back of a squad car and taken to the police station. ``He came peacefully. No handcuffs or pigcuffs were necessary,`` Keesling said.

In fact, he said, it was the easiest capture in his 7 1/2-year career as a police officer. Just the same, Keesling would prefer a more meaty assignment next time he brings home the bacon: ``I just got out of a full year in the detective bureau and I`m out chasing bad guys -- and pigs,`` he said.

Horsing around: While two mounted patrol officers were inside a restaurant early one morning in late February, two persons untied the horses, spooked them and ran. Officers rounded up both steeds, but not after one was nearly hit twice by cars. Police also corralled one of the suspects, a Michigan college student, and charged her with disorderly conduct.

Parrot-napping: Two gunmen entered a northeast section home March 6, tied up three occupants and searched for valuables to steal, according to police. Finding none, they took an Amazon parrot. The green bird was recovered a week later, when two suspects were charged with armed robbery and armed burglary. The bird`s owner reported, ``He`s acting a little strange, like he`s angry or something.``

Burglar napping: A man broke into a million-dollar yacht in early March, attempting to steal valuables, police said. But first, he grabbed a bite from the galley, then lay down on the job in the captain`s quarters.

A deck hand heard snoring and alerted authorities. Officers rousted the intruder and charged him with breaking and entering, grand theft and possession of burglary tools.

Just like the movies: Two Fort Lauderdale patrol cars were chasing two suspects in a Mercedes-Benz in early March. The Mercedes swerved to avoid a third cop car wheeled sideways across Federal Highway as a roadblock.

One of two chase cars couldn`t turn in time and smashed into the roadblock car. Both patrol cars were totaled. The suspects were caught shortly thereafter and charged with criminal conspiracy and resisting arrest.

Meter reader attacked: A Fort Lauderdale meter reader was in the process of ticketing an overparked car March 13, when a boatman jumped off a nearby yacht and splashed caustic cleaning fluid on him, police said. The meter reader punched the boatman in the jaw, knocking out a tooth.

The boatman was charged with aggravated assault, criminal mischief and resisting arrest -- after struggling with arresting officers and kicking the door of a squad car.

Beer chaser: Police saw a young motorist raise a can of beer to his mouth while on State Road A1A March 25 and ordered him to pull over. Instead, the driver made a U-turn and sped away with three other teen-agers in the car.

A motorcycle officer reported that as he gave chase, he had to dodge a barrage of beer cans thrown out the window of the fleeing car. The suspect car slammed into the screen porch of a house. No one was injured. The four teens were charged with violating the open container law and the driver also was charged with reckless driving.

And to top it off: Sometime around the Ides of March, someone broke into the northeast Fort Lauderdale home of Broward Sheriff Nick Navarro and stole a handgun and jewelry. The sheriff, who has been known to quote Julius Caesar on occasion, had been on vacation at the time.