I’m putting this out here so you don’t have to be as hard-headed as I was and take more than 40 years to figure this stuff out. It’s not rocket science, but it’s more useful in everyday life. Unless you actually are a rocket scientist, in which case… is there any way I can go on a ride-along someday?

So here they are, the fundamental principles for understanding humans and being around them without getting smacked upside the head.

1. No one is perfect.

You’re not either, so get off your high horse and stop acting like you are. It’s not attractive and it just makes you look like a jerk and people will think twice before giving you mouth-to-mouth when they pull you, lifeless, out of the pool next 4th of July, assuming they pull you out in the first place. “You do it.” “No, you do it!” “No way! He’ll just say I screwed it up, so forget it!”

2. Everyone is wrong sometimes. Even you.

Man, I hate this one. I really do have a problem with being wrong, especially when it means someone else is right, and you can see the “Ha!” grin starting at the corners of their mouth and spreading over their whole face. But look at that smile. It feels good to be right, so let them have it when they really are.

3. No one is 100% good or 100% evil.

This one is rough too. I want the world to be black and white without all of those nasty shades of gray that force me to make real live ethical decisions. But even the best of us have something that makes us all too human, even if it’s just booger-flicking when no one is around. And the worst of us have some redeeming quality. Somewhere. A lot of people are just really good at hiding it, though.

4. No one knows everything, and you can learn something from everyone.

Yes, everyone. Even your little nephew with the snot bubble that expands and contracts when he breathes. He’s a living example of how to truly not care about how you look or whether your clothes are from the latest designer or whether the world is ending tomorrow. He’s all wrapped up in play, and that’s something many of us need to learn again.

5. You can disagree with people while still believing they are intelligent and respecting them.

I have good friends and family that are so opposite politically to me that they make Kanye West and Taylor Swift seem like long lost twins separated at birth. Look it up if you have to (http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1621389/kanye-west-crashes-vma-stage-during-taylor-swifts-award-speech.jhtml ). I had no idea you could have multiple polar opposites, but apparently my loved ones have found a way. And the thing is, while I still don’t agree, they all make some very intelligent arguments, and they all mean well. None of them feel the way they do because they’re ignorant or cruel or they wouldn’t be in my life in the first place. I still have absolute love and respect for them, even though I’m the only one that’s really right…

6. You never truly know anyone’s motives, even your own.

“Why?” is one of the toughest questions. Why did they do that? Why didn’t anyone stop them? Why are they like that? You’ll rarely get a good answer. I could have told you why I did things 20 or 30 years ago, but in hindsight, I would have been wrong. Okay, I know this is really complicated, but you’re going to have to trust me on this one. You can ask yourself what your motives are, then look back on your younger self and know it wasn’t actually that. You didn’t really drop out of school because the teachers were mean. You didn’t really hang out with that girl because you thought she was a great person. But that’s what you told yourself back then, and if you can’t even figure out your own motives in the here and now, how on earth do you think you can tell why the guy across the street mows his lawn in his boxers every Thursday at noon? Don’t even try. Just let him be. Unless he switches to tighty-whities, and then I’d be asking him to maybe spend a little more time at the gym. And lay off the Krispy Kremes a bit, too.

7. Your life as an adult is your own fault.

I’m not saying your childhood didn’t stink. I’ve heard some pretty good horror stories over the years and if you had one of those, you have my utmost sympathy. That’s just plain wrong. But you are an adult now, and you have to treat yourself right in the here and now. That means making decisions to better your life, taking credit for the good things you do and owning up to the stupid mistakes, then learning to make better ones. It’s all on you now.

8. Life isn’t fair, but I’ll be damned if I’ll stop trying to make it so.

It’s not fair. As much as I know this fact, I hate it. Someone somewhere was born wealthier, prettier, smarter, kinder, with the genes for bigger boobs and more of a verbal filter than I could ever hope to have short of a brain transplant, but it’s the truth for everyone, not just for me. And I will continue to fight for reasonably level playing fields (NOT gold stars just for showing up – work for what you want) and root for the underdog. It’s what makes life good. No one bats an eye if the Steelers make it to the Superbowl… again. But there’s going to be some cheering in Seattle if the Seahawks ever make it. Okay, and in my house too.

9. Don’t be an ass.

How simple is that? We all know what asses act like, so don’t pretend you don’t know when you’re being one. If I don’t act like an ass and you don’t act like an ass and the guy down the street doesn’t act like an ass and the politician doesn’t act… well, you know what I mean. It’s feasible except in extreme cases like politics, and then it’s more of a fantasy. But I still think it’s key!

10. I mean it – just don’t be an ass.

I’m absolutely serious. That’s why it’s on here twice. It’s that important. I would have made it #1 on the list, but then I wouldn’t have had a list at all other than “Don’t be an ass”, and that’s no fun, so I just saved the best for last. So, yeah. Don’t be one, and I won’t be one either and we’ll all get along just fine until the end of the world or the Seahawks make it to the Superbowl, whichever comes first. I’m betting on the flaming planet hurtling through space, but I’m definitely rooting for the Seahawks.

3 thoughts on “Playing Nice as the World Ends”

It’s time for me to post replies on your blog, so I signed up to do so and write some of my own. The last two rules are quite funny. We “Oberg” boys are a special breed, which you have undoubtably found out, and we have tested your limits to what asses we can be. For the most part, it’s an act. We are badasses no doubt, but the hardcore reality is that we are all loving and loyal people, even though all three of us are gangsters and thugs. James is an asshole to the bone and struggles with demons that are breaking him. I am seen as the the best behaved and most responsible of the three, but in reality I am by leaps and bounds, the worst. Michael has his issues, but they are the fault of Mike’s and my Mother’s actions, which they would never accept responsibility for, and he has struggled for years with that. My Dad isn’t the same man as he was when we were children, but we all love him to death and have all come to understand him as he’s matured. We all look forward to taking care of him in his old age, something Mike, our former step-dad, does not deserve, nor will enjoy. All us boys have been a drain on the old man, my Dad, Jim, since we were children, which is on him, and continue to have done so into adulthood, which is all us. I hope you never let thoughts of resentment towards our Dad enter your mind because of us. I, and I can speak for my brothers, would rather he sever connections with us, then to have any one of us cause any amount of problems between you and him. He will say he had great times in his life, and it would be the truth, but he has never, in our belief, been as happy as he is now with you. You know the “Oberg” women, they are as special a breed as the men. There are several who are not legally “Obergs”, but are given the name as a title of honor. We refer to Kisa Maus and Stevie Everett-Miller as “Obergs”. I don’t know what you two plan as far as long term, but it’s pretty much agreed you are enough of a badass to have earned the title, regardless of legality. We all hope you stick around for a long time. It’s not a bad thing to have three pit bulls at your disposal.

In my experience, most “badass” men have a heart of gold. Otherwise they’re just “asses”.
And I’m very happy to be around/in this family, complete with a pittbull posse.
As far as your dad – nothing could keep me from him, short of a restraining order, and even then, I can’t make any guarantees.