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Now that everyone has analyzed the crap out of this episode, it’s time for me!

I’m kind of dying at the fact that so many people keep looking at my review for the first episode. Sorry, and I hope it’s funny! I also do recaps on other episodes too SO check them out!

Moving on.

This episode today was brought by some file sharing …app that I can’t even remember the name and some phone. I dunno. They MIGHT have been in the episode a few times. Just a few.

Seriously. SERIOUSLY??

I dunno about you, but I think I should use Dropbox now DON’T YOU THINK?

This week was the rise of the character development and boy did we get character development (or not).

Small note. When the dog survived and the human didn’t, did anyone else think of something similar to the Nostalgia Critic’s line of “Boomer will live!”

The dog never dies! Just kidding, the dog always dies in books. But tv and film? NOPE? Just watch Man of Steel. But that is an entire other topic and we have Teen Wolf to mock! Recap! … Whatever!

Continuing on the trend of Scott looks good while holding things. May this trend continue.

DEREK. Derek poor boy, you need a hug and oh my god. I realize he’s a creeper and he’s got that chiseled jawline that could probably hurt someone but I made some embarrassing noises when I saw how cute he was with Ms. Blake. Actually, Ms. Blake and other characters involving Derek, (cough, Cora, cough) bother me, but more later.

I’m glad that the lurking in the shadows has actually not gone away! I’ve missed it badly enough that when Ms Blake popped into the classroom, I was hoping that our resident creeper would in fact be there. And Derek did deliver.

That is the proper response to someone creeping in your classroom.

He acted self assured and yet was so awkward that I was cringing for him. But who cares because he was able to pull up an analysis of The Crucible in under ten seconds. Either A) Derek knows the play fairly well (because he didn’t actually pause to think about what the play might symbolise), or B), what I’m assuming, Derek read through her files on her desk to sound like he knew what she was talking about and that’s kinda creepy Derek.

I might assume B) but I do hope it’s also A. It would be so nice to imagine what Derek’s life was like before he was dragged back to Beacon Hills, filled with books and studying.

OMG if he’s a book nerd I will die and go to book nerd heaven where Scott and Derek argue great literary classics. Wait that sounds terrible. SAVE ME.

But in all honestly, it was really refreshing and kind of sad to see Derek interacting with Ms. Blake. For the first time in the entire show, he is talking to a person over the age of 18 (ignoring the actors’ real ages, obviously) who doesn’t think of him as a criminal. Clearly Ms. Blake doesn’t know his history and just thinks he’s an attractive bad boy with a mind for literature, so it’s nice and weird to see what Derek is like when he’s not threatened and not in a bad situation.

His relationship with his sister is…

Okay I can’t talk about the sister or Ms Blake anymore without mentioning one thing.

It seems like they are being used as vehicles for Derek and that’s it. Don’t get me wrong – Ms Blake is quite fierce and Cora is awesome. But did Ms Blake seriously NOT look at the news for the town she was going to be teaching in? Did she think, “Oh, all these dead bodies, nbd?” Or does she have some history? PLEASE don’t let her just be a slightly awesome teacher who falls in love with Derek because that would make them meeting up last episode seem so contrived. Give her a reason to have come to Beacon Hills! ….Oh gosh what if she’s the evil Druid? DEREK WILL NEVER LOVE AGAIN.

She is looking at him like, “Yeah I’d tap that” … and I can’t blame her. Not at all.

And Cora? I… I don’t care about her. I realize that I should care and it’s really upsetting to see Derek treat her like glass because she is one of his last family members but how did she survive the fire? WHERE was she the past 6-9 years? And for the love of god, who called Derek Hale, the man who picks pack members for their low self esteem issues instead of their strength, a Poweful New Alpha? Did they sneeze when they were trying to say “Alpha who keeps getting everyone killed and turns people into Kanima, lol NOT powerful?”

I bet they did.

Did they add the emotional scars and the dramatic posing to Alpha requirements? Cause then he’s golden.

So yeah. I’ll be needing those characters fleshed out before I actually begin to care about them. Because it honestly feels like they are just there to cause Derek more pain.

Oh and speaking of causing Derek pain and having little to no backstory THE ALPHAS.

Now we know that Kali, Big and Muscular, The Transformer Twins, Deucalion, and maybe someone else I don’t care to remember killed off their own betas in order to become part of an alpha pack. Who picked Deucalion as the leader? Because he’s the what? The Demon Wolf?

“Ugh, another pair of sunglasses ruined. That’s what I get for chewing the scenery…”

Besides awesome of course. Oh my god when the lightning flashed and he was going cray cray, I rolled my eyes. But for them to actually acknowledgement of the ridiculousness of the scene that was kind of beautiful.

Also did Derek’s mom have a beard? I personally loved how he stroked Derek’s beard and then was like YUP looks just like mom!

“Exaaaaact same beard, my lad.”

However, at least we know that Derek might have known Deucalion in his past.

KALI AND …everyone else for that matter… What are their names? I think one is Ennis? Can we please learn more about them?? I originally thought it was funny that I didn’t know but now I’m upset. Like, I want to know! LET ME LEARN PLEASE. Can Kali never wear shoes? How does she feel on hot summer days walking on pavement?

And even more interestingly – if killing betas brings about people in an alpha pack (which I still don’t understand why any of them follow Deucalion. I mean, I would, but mainly for the voice. My bad), couldn’t they try to kill each other for a super Alpha pack??

Is she going to fix the apartment building’s water pressure she messed up by shoving a pipe into Derek’s back??

Just thoughts.

Miss Morell is actually becoming less cool every single week, which brings our count of good fierce black females on the show to 0. I mean, yes she’s fierce, but I was thinking good guys. But hey. Remember “The Girl” from episode one? Hopefully she’ll come back! (lol nope).

“Impasse? How about I smack you upside your head and drink your blood? Helps me stay young.”

Speaking of people brought in just to die HI MR HARRIS. I never liked you anyway. I was glad that he wasn’t brought in to be the chemistry teacher again because if he taught them for two straight years I would have rolled my eyes. But was he working with the thing/person/creature that took him before it took him or just because it took him? And even so, do we care that he’s dead?

I know I don’t.

Ho hum. Mr. Harris is dead. Ms. Blake, watch out!

Or Jennifer.

Maaaan, could you imagine the angst if she was like “Oh, call me Kate.” I was waiting for the show to be a jerk like that cause you know Derek would have twitched and fallen over his feet at that.

But I guess I’m being too harsh.

Oh yeah, I’ve forgotten our main characters. Which they were very prominent in this episode, obviously, but I dunno. I just thought the motorcycle trick they did was a bit high school —

Wait. Wait they’re in high school? Shit. I always forget about that, considering half the actors are over 26.

Clumsy me.

Cause none of you look like you’re in high school, btw.

Either way, while the motorcycle thing was a bit childish, I also found the beating yourself up so someone else gets in trouble a bit stupid as well. But then the fun questions come in?

Who locked Isaac in the closet with Allison? He doesn’t actually announce that he was abused by his father, so how did they know? Or was it the evil Druid who read his mind?

In a show about werewolves, why is this the legitimately most frightening thing we’ve seen? My god, the lighting in this shot made it so terrifying. It was brilliant.

Actually.

WHAT IS WITH THIS SCHOOL?

I mean, you have a coach who is considered with people going soft and they’re built like greek gods. You have no cameras to see people beating themselves up or people being taken. YOU HAVE CHARACTERS TURNING INTO WEREWOLVES AND NO ONE NOTICES ARE YOU KIDDING ME.

What, did the security guard go “LOLOL NOPE I QUIT” when seeing this?

My suspense of disbelief was so tightly strung. I can’t anymore.

Also, the awkward sexual tension going on between Allison and Isaac needs to be solved by a threesome. I mean, obviously, Isaac is super devoted to Scott and Allison loves Scott but they were making some eyes while he was on the bike.

It’s even more awkward because they date in real life!

Though all the respect in the world to Allison for correcting what type of knives she stabbed into him, that’s sweet.

Oh yeah, Stiles. Boy of no tact. I do hope he never pulls shit like that again, but it’s Stiles, so my hope isn’t high. I don’t know how his father doesn’t just slap him all the time due to his tactlessness, but this is the kid who thought a half dead body would be fun to find. Good going, Stiles. Way to start jump start the entire series

You totally deserved that slap.

Though Stiles was off his game in this episode, his interactions with others was just brilliant. Boyd was on top as always (though… way to be depressing as hell). And Danny? Can we get Danny in more episodes? I mean, I’d like him to never wear a low v-neck shirt again, but that’s just me. But can Danny finally step up and admit he knows more that what he’s letting on? Because Danny would be an awesome asset to the team.

Hell, I want to see more of Danny, if I’m being honest. But by more I mean more of him. Not his body. Even if it is quite nice

I’ll cuddle with you Danny, as soon as you buy a shirt that covers your chest. …YES I don’t like that he’s half dressed don’t judge me.

Also, while we mention the scene of Danny being awesome, can we bring up Scott’s snarky commentary and Isaac’s grandpa sweater? Whose clothing is he wearing? I can’t imagine that Derek has grandpa sweaters or that sassy scarf from last episode so … what? Is he borrowing his dad’s clothes? Raiding good will? STEALING PETER’S OUTFITS???

Okay gramps.

Anyway Stiles and Lydia make a good team and I’m glad that, while he still may like her, he’s backing off and allowing them to work together. Besides the obviously promotional ad being shoved in my face at the show (thank you Dropbox and Samsung. I had no idea what you were promoting!), we need them working together more often. Pity we didn’t have this interaction in previous seasons, but we need them. I NEED THEM.

We need this all day, every day.

Actually, I want Stiles, Lydia, and Deaton running around Beacon Hills, solving crimes, while Scott, Allison, and Isaac kick ass like a collective boss, and Derek can stand in the rain crying how everyone is leaves him, forces him to kick them out, and/or kills his family (oops I said that). And Deucalion and Peter can attempt to out sass one another. Lighting may or may not be included.

But dramatic poses are a must.

In one final note, Derek? You have two betas left, right? Three, if he includes his sister and four if he includes Scott. …Would he really want to have their power included on his own? That would be like… plus .05% if anything. Come on Derek. I don’t know who called you “Powerful Alpha Hale” but someone was clearly lying to your sister to get her ass back to Beacon Hills.

Stop working on your dramatic poses and DO something!

Well, that has been my recap, and I am still waiting for news about Gerard Argent. The show thinks they can forget about him, but hahaha, they never found his body last season. I’m waiting for him to be the evil Druid. JUST YOU WAIT. Episode 12 will roll around and I will be cackling in my rightness and everyone else will be wrong.

Tune in next week where I try to post closer to the date that the show aired, instead of whenever I feel like it.