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Me, My Husband And My Baby: Who Owns My Breasts?

A new mother questions her breasts' dual functionality, as both sexual objects and food source.

It wasn't until my husband's ownership was threatened that I realized he really thought they were his. When we learned I was pregnant, and the elation-fear cocktail wore off, we started building our parenting philosophy. Of course I'd nurse. Or at least try. My husband was all for it, until he heard me say something about my breasts being off-limits. Although I had yet to experience breastfeeding, I could already tell you I did not want any accidental adult nursing sessions during sex.

My husband had many months to say good-bye to his best friends, and I had many months to overthink the fear of breastfeeding. It was really difficult to set aside the sexual component of my breasts. That's what they were made for, right? (Wrong.) I just couldn't imagine an infant latched on to something that was, for me, purely sexual.

Our baby arrived in late August, and after a few weeks of agonizing pain (don't let anyone tell you different), we got the hang of breastfeeding. That's right around the time my husband begrudgingly handed over the title to our daughter. And she declared victory. I, er, rather, my boobs, became her sole source of comfort. Why take a pacifier when there are two lovely milk-producing anodynes right here? And as I mentioned, we did get the hang of nursing, but with a slight glitch: She preferred the left one to the right. Which means the left one produced more milk and was perpetually larger than the right one. (I actually felt bad for the right one—so neglected and sad!) New parenthood sex is infrequent to begin with; unveiling seriously lopsided breasts made it practically non-existent. Read: Having A Baby Improved My Sex Life

Nursing became an involuntary part of life. In fact, when I think back, it's a feeling I can't conjure any longer. I remember being proud of my successful efforts to soothe her, but it feels foreign now, just nine months after I weaned her.

1. Beans

By all measures, beans are a super nutritious food. They are high in fiber, high in antioxidants, and can help you maintain a healthy weight. But it may not be what you want to eat right before sex. "Beans are considered an anti-aphrodisiac for their gas causing abilities," says Rene Ficek, a Registered Dietitian who is also the Lead Nutrition Expert at Seattle Sutton's Healthy Eating (SSHE.)

"Beans contain indigestible sugars that can make it down to our colon and function as prebiotics to feed our good bacteria, and make for a healthier colon. Before it ends up in our colon, these sugars reach our stomach, and the floating stools from trapped gasses make us feel bloated and gassy," says Ficek. Not a recipe for feeling sexy!

2. Microwave popcorn:

Planning a special movie night at home? Reconsider, says Dr. Kat Van Kirk, a marriage, family and sex therapist. "The chemicals used in the inner lining of microwave popcorn bags have been linked to lower sex drive for men. They contain perfluoroalkyl acids, such as PFOA or PFOS, known to significantly lower sperm counts," says Dr. Kat.

4. Pasta:

It may be delicious, but those carbs are bad for more than your thighs. Eating a big plate of pasta runs the risk of turning down the body heat, says Ficek.

"If your favorite date spot is your local trattoria, substitute protein dishes for large portions of pasta. A large meal of carbohydrates can cause an insulin spike which can make you feel bloated and tired, essentially killing the mood," says Ficek.

Zen monks use soy as an aide to celibacy and Japanese wives serve extra helpings of tofu to unfaithful husbands to kill the ability, the desire," says Daniel. The science behind that is all soybeans contain phytoestrogens known as isoflavones. "These plant estrogens aren't identical to mammalian estrogens but they are close enough to interfere with the production and utilization of testosterone in the body," Daniel says.

Some studies have shown it may contribute to reducing a man’s libido. The occasional tofu dinner wouldn't have much of an effect on sex life, but if vegetarian or vegan man chooses soy-based protein over other plant based proteins on a regular basis, it may make a difference. "Researchers have proposed that the estrogenic properties (that is, those that emulate the female sex hormone estrogen) of soy's isoflavones can cause testosterone levels, along with sexual desire, to drop," says Ficek.

6. Alcohol:

Food is certainly a factor in stimulating or suppressing sex drive, but so are the beverages we drink. It is widely accepted that alcohol can encourage relaxation, but overindulging can dull your senses and suppress libido, says Ficek. "Alcohol also acts as a depressant, which can lower erectile function. Furthermore the hops in beer are thought of similarly to soy in regards to estrogenic properties, and the carbonation in beer tends to cause bloating and gas," says Ficek.

That's not all: Dr. Kat says Quinine, which is the main ingredient in tonic water, can lower testosterone levels. And gin, like any alcohol, can cause issues with sexual performance.

7. Caffeine:

Drinking too many caffeinated beverages, such as soda and coffee, can lower your sex drive by causing adrenal fatigue. "If your adrenal gland does not produce enough hormones, you can suffer from both decreased desire for sex and inadequate energy to perform.

Furthermore, a cup of coffee in the morning spike up stress hormones, such as cortisol, in your body," says Ficek. So, if you are in mood for some romance and love, it is best to decrease the coffee intake from your and your partner's diet.

8. Anything that alters pH:

The foods you eat can influence the taste and smell of your vagina or semen by altering the pH, says Dr. Kat. Alcohol, broccoli, asparagus, dairy, red meat, onions and garlic can all affect the natural PH balance of your genitals for up to two or three days after ingestion.

By all measures, beans are a super nutritious food. They are high in fiber, high in antioxidants, and can help you maintain a healthy weight. But it may not be what you want to eat right before sex. "Beans are considered an anti-aphrodisiac for their gas causing abilities," says Rene Ficek, a Registered Dietitian who is also the Lead Nutrition Expert at Seattle Sutton's Healthy Eating (SSHE.)

"Beans contain indigestible sugars that can make it down to our colon and function as prebiotics to feed our good bacteria, and make for a healthier colon. Before it ends up in our colon, these sugars reach our stomach, and the floating stools from trapped gasses make us feel bloated and gassy," says Ficek. Not a recipe for feeling sexy!