Study Finds Marijuana Makes People Care About Weird Shit

Compared with other recreational drugs — including alcohol — marijuana is superior at making users think about stuff that shouldn’t concern them. And researchers may be systematically underestimating alcohol’s ability to make users not care about shit at all.

Those are the top-line findings of a recent research published in the journal Australian Drug Findings (ADF), a subsidiary of the CSIRO.

Researchers sought to quantify the risk of deep-thinking associated with the use of a variety of commonly used substances. They found that at the level of individual use, alcohol was the safest substance, followed by heroin and cocaine.

Jai Lismore has been granted over $200,000 to research marijuana’s effects on peoples ability to think

“What we have found is that marijuana has created a generation of activists that have a highly-developed understand of global socio-politcal issues,” says leading researcher Jai Lismore.

“This shows a strong contrast when compared to alcohol. It seems people who recreationally use alcohol are much less likely to think outside of local politics, sport and entertainment”

The ADF findings. Hard to ignore.

“In fact, alcohol and contact sport work hand-in-hand. People who drink alcohol are more likely to be able to name entire football run-on sides. They are more likely to show signs of violent behaviour and far more likely to do careless things. Drink-driving is a perfect example of this.” he said.

“Before I started ripping hot ones underneath my mate’s grandmother’s house. All I cared about was getting drunk and watching football. Obviously my love of booze became a gateway for marijuana – but I wouldn’t say that was a bad thing,”

Clementé says that after several months of intense marijuana-use and Xbox gaming, he became aware of things happening around the world. But not only that, he became interested in them.

“Man, all of a sudden I was like ‘hey, maybe Palestine aren’t the bad guys’ and ‘hey… umm I’m pretty sure jet fuel can’t melt steel beams’ – It then became obvious that I had been living like a sheep,”

Long-time Marijuana-user Banjo Clementé claims he has enjoyed protesting ever since he began ripping cones

“Within a year, I was protesting in the streets. Fuck the patriarchy, fuck Rupert Murdoch, fuck Peter Costello … that was back then. Nowadays it’s more about Fuck Christopher Pyne”

One surprise finding from the ADF report was that crystal meth (also known as “Ice”) was the second most likely substance to cause deep thinking amongst users. Dr. Lismore explains that these numbers, while accurate, are not necessarily related to real issues.

“…Crystal meth users are more worriers as opposed to thinkers. They operate quite franticly and they are constantly trying to assess whether or not the people around them are police officers. Quite often they worry about things that do not exist”