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I have a question about climaxing. Considering I was not a Christian and I watched WAY too many movies growing up that did have sex in them (nothing porno, but definitely R rated), you see a lot of “YES YES YES” and then this calming down smile.

For me, I get immense pleasure, “yes yes yes” and then…. I am not sure. It feels REALLY good, but the after effects are nothing like what I have seen (of course, what IS like anything you see on TV?). What DOES an in real life orgasm look/feel like? I have always heard if you don’t know if you had one, you haven’t had one. Well, that just isn’t true if you don’t have a godly picture of what ONE IS. Does that make sense? I could totally be having one and not know that is what it is because my mind has a different image of what a true orgasm is (based on movies).

This question had my mind going in circles because really, what is a “Godly picture of an orgasm”? I think whatever you do when climaxing with your husband is considered (in my book) a ‘Godly orgasm’. Everyone has their own thing they may do when climaxing but our bodies are experiencing the same things and I think that is how you know if you have had an orgasm. Unlike a man it is not so obvious on the outside when we climax but a woman should be able to tell if she has by her rapid breathing, increased heart rate, maybe some flushing, muscles throughout her body become rigid, secretions outside the vagina all followed by muscle contractions within the vagina that vary in length of time. Those muscle contractions feel incredible and they are pretty difficult to overlook or mistake for something else.

Now, we all react differently on the outside with our facial expressions/body language. Some of us may be extremely vocal. The ‘When Harry Met Sally” scene where ‘Sally’ shows ‘Harry’ what she sounds like when she experiences an orgasm is an example of how loud we can get. Some are quiet as a mouse while they even hold their breath. One woman may flare around in bed while another barely moves. There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to have an orgasm. I know that I, for one, may be extremely verbal and flare around one time and be quiet the next. Is one way better than the other? No, what I do may just depend on my mood or whether we have the potential of being heard. I have heard some ask “Why do people say that they are coming when they are climaxing? Isn’t that strange?” It is not strange. It is a way of expressing and enjoying yourself. My husband can tell if I am climaxing without me being verbal about it but that doesn’t stop me from expressing myself. Now that I think about it one of my favorite memories is when my child first rode his bike without his training wheels. He was so excited to be riding without any assistance that he yelled “Mommy, I’m doing it!!!!” Suddenly I began yelling “You’re doing it!!!” just as enthusiastically. So why do we state the obvious? Well, I guess we do it because it is fun. It is a way to share joy with my loved one and isn’t that part of being ‘Godly’?

So, just as I stated at the beginning, I think that whatever you do is a ‘real orgasm’ and sometimes it will resemble what is depicted in the movies and sometimes it won’t. Just enjoy yourself and do what comes naturally. If your husband likes to hear sounds or see you so excited that you can’t contain yourself then let it all hang out. Some women are not comfortable losing control but this is the one place where you can feel safe to do so. It could make for some great memories for your husband and it may increase your arousal to. If you would rather stay quiet and concentrate on the sensations that are going through your body then that’s great too. It’s all good and all very real.

I had a question awhile back from a woman regarding orgasm difficulties and clitoral pain as well. It is my hope in this article to be able to tackle some areas and give some ideas if you, too, suffer from this type of difficulty.

Before you go any further in my article, I suggest you read Cumingirl’s article ”The clitoris” It gives a lot of good information about the clitoris that I will use as reference in this article as well.

The clitoris is one of the most sensitive parts of the female genitalia.When I found the pleasure that could be derived from touching it as a young girl, I also found that there were times when it could become over stimulated and start to feel really odd and even hurt.This is long before I ever knew about lubrication, so much of what I did to stimulate myself was done bone dry.The Discovery Health website says this about the clitoris….” There is a high concentration of nerve endings in the clitoris and in the area immediately surrounding it.The abundance of nerve endings in the clitoris makes it very sensitive to direct or indirect touch or pressure. Stimulation of the clitoral area can be very pleasurable.”BUT what it doesn’t say is it can sometimes be painful, too.

One of the biggest things to realize is that everyone’s clitoris is unique.When aroused, the clitoris swells sometimes to twice its size.Blood flow to that area (like the blood flow to the male penis) causes this swelling.Direct contact to this area can be either pleasurable or painful depending on the type of contact.Too much rubbing directly on the clit can cause it to become desensitized and painful.One of the best things I can recommend to someone who is trying to find the most pleasurable way to stimulate your clit is to experiment with your own finger or a bullet vibe in your own spare time.Find out if your clit is sensitive to direct stimulation or does it feel better when you stimulate around the clitoris (the hood and labia areas).There is absolutely nothing wrong with doing this kind of experimentation.It will help you to later communicate to your husband when something is happening during intercourse that is not working or causing you pain.You need to know your body well down there…what feels good and what doesn’t.Be prepared to talk about what starts to cause pain.During intercourse, you may need to change to another position or maybe add some more external lube to the area.Friction is a big source of pain to that area of your body during intercourse if there is not enough lube.If you use lube during intercourse, it is a good idea to put some on the clitoris as well to keep from rubbing it raw.If you use your own natural fluids, then use a finger to gather some from your vagina and put it on your clit.

But part of the Sister in Christ’s question also included about her inability to orgasm.If you read Cumingirl’s article, women, too can get a “blue balls” kind of feeling with their clitoris when an orgasm isn’t reached.The blood can remain in an engorged clit for several hours as compared to relief in 10 minutes or so with an orgasm!Ouch!If you find that you cannot reach an orgasm or if your husband has already had his release, don’t be afraid to ask him for oral sex or for him to use a vibe on you to release the tension that you still have built up.Your husband may find it extremely erotic to watch you masturbate in front of him to orgasm with your fingers or a vibe.This would be a great time to SHOW HIM what you have learned through your own practice!Show him what area of the clitoris that produces the most pleasure for you.After some study time, your husband will remember how to rock your world, and hopefully be open to volunteering to do this for you in the future.

Our sister, Sugar and Spice documented in her blog “I think I can” ways that helped her to achieve orgasm as well.

I have also read on several websites that clitoral pain can also be caused by vaginal secretions getting under the hood of the clitoris.I know myself that I do at times pull the hood back and use a Q-tip to gently clean away anything that has been trapped under the hood.I use a gentle feminine wash like Summers Eve or Massengil to clean when I shower.

I hope that I have somehow helped you with some suggestions to make intercourse more enjoyable and fun for you!

Okay, my husband has taken up the “She comes first” motto every time we make love. While I appreciate his efforts to make my experience as pleasurable as possible, I still have this dream of us having our orgasms at the same time.

Do I expect it every time? No.

Would it be nice on occasion? Yes.

I don’t know what it is about orgasming together that really gets me going. Honestly, I don’t expect it at all. I know I’ve dreamed of it in the past, but I realize it takes a lot to get me going, let alone us both at the same time.

Like I said, my husband’s main focus and goal is for my sexual pleasure during love making, which is incredible. It doesn’t always happen, but it is nice to know that he is interested in making our LM very pleasurable for me. I just think it would be nice on occasion, it would be incredibly intimate and exhilarating — for him to just let go when he hears my orgasm coming like a freight train….I should ask him if this is just too intimate for him or if I read too many romance novels or watched too many Soap Opera when I was younger or what….

I saw a thread on the Marriage Bed about it, and it seemed like the consensus of people on that thread weren’t really interested in it. Is it just weird for me to still wish he would do it? Should I just let it go and pray that just once, he will let go and I get my desire?

Maybe I should make a poll on this one…. lol. I haven’t made a poll since my old CN days! How do you feel about this topic? Is it important to you? Not important to you? Great if it happens? Never happened at all? Wish it would?

Hi, I have a question about women experiencing orgasms during their sleep. I’ve had this happen to me a few times (without any sort of sexual stimulation) in the past 2 years since my marriage, and I’ve found it to be quite wonderful! Whenever I tell my husband, he’s been very supportive (though he does pretend to be jealous :P). I’ve read that it is perfectly normal for women to experience this. I’m just wondering if it is considered “ok” for Christian women to experience this, without feeling guilty? I would love to hear more thoughts on this!

This is a great question! It came from one of our readers “Got Questions” submission. I don’t experience this very often, but I have experienced this.

What is a nocturnal orgasm? A nocturnal orgasm is sexual arousal during sleep that awakens one to perceive the experience of orgasm. Nocturnal orgasms usually don’t involve any physical stimulation (masturbation of any kind), and are usually associated with your biggest sex organ….your brain. Something in your brain has been stimulated enough that muscles contract, and your genitals are not excluded from these contractions. The dreams or thoughts do not have to be sexual in nature.

Her main question is, “is this okay for Christian women to experience this without guilt?” That questions is actually twofold.

My first answer is no…. if there is someone else in your dreams or subconscious that is fueling this desire in you. Recently, my family went to see The Avengers at the theater. Sat in the front row of the Movie Studio Grill since we didn’t get there with much time, so that’s all that was left! The subwoofers in front of me rattled me the whole movie. After the movie, I commented how I thought that Thor (Chris Hemsworth) was really cute to my daughter…. to which both my son and daughter were like MOM!!! I assured them that their Dad was my true Thor and ultimate attraction, but I could think someone else was good looking! Now, if I had a dream that night and fantasized about Thor and it led me to have an orgasm, well then yes, I just sinned. Lusting for another man, whether in real life or in my imagination… that is sin. The only man I should lust after would be my very own dashing, loving husband….

My second answer is yes… if your desire in your dream is your husband. Sometimes we have dreams or fantasies in our dreams that we wish would happen in real life. If you are in the middle of a really hot dream with your spouse as your leading man, it is very easy to get your brain so worked up, so stimulated, that your genitals start swelling and you start having uterine contractions and you orgasm.

Now, from articles and research I have read, sometimes your dreams or thoughts do not have to be sexual in nature in order to have nocturnal orgasms. Sometimes your brain can be so stimulated or over-stimulated from your days activities, it can cause this in your subconscious as a need for release.

What are your feelings on nocturnal orgasms? Have you had them before? Are they frequent or infrequent? How would you answer this question if a sister in Christ asked you this very same question?

When you are intimate with your husband, are you vocal about it? Are you a screamer? A shouter? Or are you one of the more quiet ones? For me, I guess it depends on my mood, though I really have come to love being loud.

Sometimes I have to be quiet. When it’s the middle of the day and the kids are wide-awake, I know I can’t really let loose. Sometimes that adds to it. Knowing that I can’t be heard. There are also times that I am quiet and don’t realize it. When I’m concentrating really hard on the sensations my body is feeling, I tend to be quieter. Sometimes I’m thinking very specific things in my mind, and in those times I’m not very vocal either. But I really do like making noise. And I’ve come to realize that my husband likes it too!

Moaning and groaning is sometimes involuntary. When you are making out with your husband, and things are feeling good, moaning is a way of giving some positive verbal cues. It says: I’m happy and this feels so good! Groaning during oral sex can heighten the mood as well.

Heavy Breathing is another thing that lets our husbands know that we are feeling fine! My husband can tell when I’m approaching orgasm, just from subtle breathing changes that he detects in me. I don’t even realize that I do it, but he says it’s unmistakable. I think we women would probably notice the same thing in our husbands if we watched for it.

Sexy talk is a wonderful way to raise the passion level. It doesn’t have to be words that you are uncomfortable with, you can just say what you are thinking in your mind: “deeper baby,” “harder,” “oh yes,” “don’t stop!” “Almost there,” “use your finger,” “kiss me,” “ **** me!” “I love you,” “you’re so good,” “do that again,” “you make me feel so good,” “you’re so big,” “you’re so hard,” “take me from behind,” “you’re driving me crazy,” “your tongue feels so good on me,” “you are wonderful,” “keep going,” “let me ride now!” etc. I know that we women think these things in our minds anyway. If you can bring yourself to say them aloud during your intimate times, your husband will probably appreciate it. It will be really good affirmation for him, and his confidence will go up if he knows that he’s pleasing you! Hearing you talk sexy to him will also help his arousal level skyrocket!

If you and your husband are both comfortable using more erotic or “dirty” words in the bedroom, then by all means, let loose! What you two say to each other is between you two and God. It is no one else’s business and it’s not for anyone else to judge. My husband and I use some very playful and erotic terms with each other, and it’s such a turn on. He knows that I like hearing him tell me specifically what he’s going to do to me, and how he’s going to do it. So in turn, I also talk to him using the terms and descriptions that I KNOW turn him on.

Occasionally, when the kids are in bed (or gone) I’ll allow myself to get louder. It’s nice to be able to let out a yell or scream as orgasm hits. What a rush that is! I think it’s exhilarating for our husbands to hear us abandon ourselves like that too. It gives them a sense of accomplishment, knowing that they helped give us such pleasure.

Think about how vocal you are during sex. Are you quiet more times than not? Maybe it’s time to think about spicing things up by moaning and talking more! And you know what? I have found that talking and moaning and trying to turn my husband on with my words also has an effect on me. I like hearing myself talk naughty. My own arousal goes up when I’m vocal. So it’s a win-win situation!

Get vocal ladies, and let your husband KNOW how much you enjoy making love to him!

I will be the first to admit that I am and always have been very naïve when it comes to sex. No one really ever talked to me about sex. My aunt was pregnant when I was 16, and she brought a video to our house, and I told my parents how babies were made. They were shocked that I knew how….why? I learned it in health class. I should have learned it from them.

Anyway, I always thought that sex was only for procreation and not recreation. It really wasn’t extremely fun after my first child was born. My husband could orgasm all the time (duh), but I didn’t. Since I didn’t ever have an orgasm, I just started believing that I wasn’t supposed to, so sex became infrequent with us…a couple times a month maybe until we decided to have another baby. Then we were back to a couple times a month.

It wasn’t until I joined The Marriage Bed, a Christian message board about sex and marriage that I realized that there was so much more to sex that was okay. It was okay to enjoy sex not just to procreate with it. It was about that time that my mind was opened by God to other pleasures. My husband and I started working for that elusive orgasm, and we started to get them here and there. What a euphoric state I was in! But the greatest thing new that I found out I had that I didn’t know I had was my G-spot….

What’s a G-spot? Ever heard of it? It’s one of those things that people argue back and forth about whether it exists or not. Well, I can tell you that I have one, and my husband and I both know how to get to it for ultimate pleasure for me, whether during intercourse or when he just uses his fingers in me for foreplay.

The G-spot is a very small area and that is why it can be so elusive. It’s about an inch or so inside your vagina on the front wall. It probably could be considered more like a “zone” (mine is) than an actual spot. In some women (like me), it can be a wonderful, erotic area when stimulated, while others feel that they have to pee when it is stimulated. Why would the feeling of urination be involved at all? The front wall of the vagina is also near the urethra, so part of the stimulation can feel like you are stimulating that area. I have even read articles that compare the G-spot to a female version of the male prostate. All I know is it is a new erogenous zone that really gets me going….that’s all I need to know! Now to find it for yourself, you’ll need some exploration of your body (or let your hubby do it) Most of the vaginal wall is smooth and silky feeling, the g-spot is kind of gritty and rough.

There are really two ways that I like to be stimulated on my G-spot. First is when my husband uses his fingers inside me during foreplay. He can really get me going when he is fingering that area. If I wasn’t horny before he starts that, I usually get that way very fast. Just gently scratch or massage the surface area with his fingertip. Kind of like using a “come here” kind of motion with his finger. The second way is while we are making love, I will have him slowly thrust just the tip of his penis over that area. After a few thrusts with the tip, I have him go all the way in. To me, it’s like my G-spot and my clitoris are connected by the same nerve. Waves of pleasure hit!

Once we experienced this, I was hit by another realization….women ejaculate, too! I never knew that! BUT that is a topic for a completely different article….

1 Corinthians 10:31 says, “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” The feelings of sexual pleasure that you feel with your spouse are from God. Praise and exalt God for the gift that he has given you…not only the pleasure you receive from the body he created for you, but the free gift of eternal life you can receive from him…your salvation.

Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus Christ, our Lord.