Susan 12.28.10

This will probably be a short post because I keep staring at the screen trying to figure out how to say this, and I’m having trouble keeping my eyes open. We met with Dr. Boyd this morning and asked him for his honest assessment of where Susan is, after two weeks now in the hospital. He’s glad Susan has experienced some relief in back pain, and her blood pressure is down, but the reality is that the treatments she has been on have not worked and the scans show the cancer progressing in her lungs and liver. We know it’s in her brain and bones too, likely progressing there as well. He believes we are at a point where the risks of further chemotherapy outweigh any benefit she would receive, by a lot. There’s a risk of bone marrow toxicity and more chemo could effectively poison her. In terms of systemic treatment, we seem to be at the end of the line. This did not come as a surprise to us, but it definitely is tough to hear the doctor say it.

That leaves us managing symptoms, helping her be comfortable, and making some big decisions over the next few days. Susan will continue her radiation treatments in the hopes that some function returns to her throat and vocal cords. Looks like this will conclude on Thursday. At that point we will know more about the road ahead for her.

We do believe God can do whatever He chooses to do, and if He wants to heal her He will. We’re also deeply saddened at the way things have gone. Susan has fought with absolutely everything she has, and will continue to as long as she can.

I’ll keep you posted on what develops over the next few days, as our plans take shape. Thanks for all of your love.

Susan,Jerel and family- I have faithfully followed your
blog over the last several weeks after a friend of mine (and yours)
alerted me to your need of prayer! I constantly speak of Susan and
your family in my daily prayers and will continue to do so. I am
sorry that i have not gotten the opportunity to know your lovely
family but feel like i have as I read and think of you ALL daily!
Our CONTINUED prayers for strength, understanding and unconditional
love from above to be a part of Susan, you and your children’s
every moment. Sending God’s peace,love and hope. With much care and
God’s love, Nancy Maloney

Jerel – I know that nothing I can say at this time will be of any comfort to you, but I must tell you that I am shedding tears right along with you right now. Please know that I am still asking God for a miracle. My love, thoughts, prayers and concern are with you and your family.

Hi Jerel, you do not know me. My friend Mary asked that I
pray for your family about 10 days ago. I have been and in this
short time of reading your story, I have been truly inspired by
your amazing strength and faith in God. I have read every one of
Susan’s blogs over the past two days and have enjoyed her honesty,
humor, and beautiful character. She must be and has shown in her
pictures and words what an angel on earth truly is. As a mom of
three children( same gender, birth order, and ages as your own) I
am heartbroken for you, Susan and your gorgeous children. After
tonight’s post, I am BEGGING God for a miracle!!! You are an
amazing family! Thank you for continuing to share your incredibally
hard journey. So many are praying and rooting for you. Much love
and peace to you and your family. I will keep you in my prayers
always.

Jerel… I am so sad with you. Last night I was kind of lonely myself for a word from Susan so I revisited her blog from a year ago- Dec 2009. I was titled “I love…” I remembered playing this game with her many times as we drifted off to sleep or just hanging out – we would take turns claiming things from dear people to favorite foods etc. I loved her blog last night and could almost hear her as I read how she loved “Her guys”, her new shoes from her mom, tangelos etc…. It was a dear and comforting post. I continue to pray for you all.

Dear Jerel, You don’t know me but I want you to know that I
am praying for Susan and you and your entire family. I am so sorry
that she is going through this. Pleas know that I will continue to
pray for your entire family. Much Love, Julie Rayner

Simply can’t imagine all that you’re feeling at this point.
Can’t describe our sadness for all of you. We’re praying with hope
and assurance, remembering who gets the last word regardless. We
love you deeply.

Oh Jerel, I am so so sad to read this… I’ve seen your
posts & Facebook updates sporadically over the last few
years, but I had no idea Susan’s battle had taken this turn until
Sunny just told us. You wouldn’t likely know this, but we just went
down an agonizingingly similar road with my own mom over
Thanksgiving, so I have some small idea of what you are facing
(though I can’t even imagine how much even more gut-wrenching it
must be). Oh my brother and friend, I will be praying for you and
your precious children, and dear sweet Susan. I know you are
surrounded by a great community of fellowship, but if you ever need
a new (well, old) set of listening ears to vent to, or anything
else, Wendy & I are here, too. For now, we will surely be
praying for you to have wisdom,endurance, strength, & God’s
very presence as you love & guide your family down a road
you should never have had to walk. Grace & peace, Chris
& Wendy.

You have all been so amazingly strong and open in this long fight against this horrible disease. You have taught us much about grace, and love, and God. I continue to pray for healing and that God wraps his arms around you all and brings you peace.

so i’m not a big fan of parties. tim knows to kind of stay
by my side to help me with the mingling and all. seeing the two of
you at the murphy’s fourth of july party every year was a comfort
to me. tim knew if was with susan he could leave me alone for a
while. because with susan i always feel comfortable and myself. she
makes me feel like i don’t have to try so hard. she makes me feel
like i’m ok just the way i am. she has this maternal, God-like
warmth about her that puts me at peace. i like her oh so very much.
she’s light in the darkness. it’s impossible to miss. just thought
she should know.

We are holding you in our prayers…. anything we might say
feels like it falls short of offering the comfort and hope we long
for you…. we are praying that Jesus presence and deep kindnesses
will be poured out on you now and through the days
ahead….

Jerel & Susan, I am praying for you, My heart is
deeply sorrowful for you and no words are sufficient for what you
are going through. During a difficult time in my life, a friend
reminded me to always look at Cavary for my strength. Reflect on
Calvary and the amazing love of our Father in such a hard time as
this. Love, Susie

Our family of five is praying to God for each of you to feel His peace, strength, and wisdom today. “I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for harm, plans to give you a future and a hope.” When I think of this cancer in her body- I think back to our little bible study group… I remember how excited Susan was to start a family, and how you wanted to make sure your ducks were in a row first- but you couldn’t slow this girl down! (I think it is why Susan wanted us in your bible study, with our cool diaper bag, for you to be around “easy baby” Campbell) and she convinced you the time was now- and life began for Bailey. I am so glad you didn’t wait a day longer. I am grateful for the mother she is today. I know your family is her dream come true. We love you guys and are continuing to lift Susan up in prayer!

Jerel, Your family has been on my mind & heart for
weeks now. I am frequently up in the middle of the night asking God
for a miracle in Susan’s life. I also know first hand how difficult
it can be to be the “care taker”. I pray for peace, rest,
confidence, strength, & wisdom for you & your dear
children as you walk this road.

Jerel, Some people search their whole lifetime for the love you and Susan have found. The pain we feel is the price we pay for this love, but it is so worth it. Please know that so many people, more than you can even imagine, are praying for you, Susan, and your family. There is nothing I can say that will take away your pain, but please take comfort in knowing that the greatest gift from God…love….is something you have been given. You have it and it surrounds you more than ever. Cancer will not defeat Susan…in the end, no matter what, she has won the fight!!!

I too have visited older blog posts longing to hear Susan’s voice and hear stories of happier times. It brings me comfort when I feel so helpless. I continue to pray that God will show us his ability to heal in miraculous ways. I love all you Laws and want you to know that our family is here for you whenever and for whatever you need.

Jerel, when I read the first half of your latest posting, I didn’t want to read any furher. I knew the news would be bad. I will continue to pray for each of you and especially for Susan to have the strength to keep fighting this horrid, wickness disease and for God’s real peace and tangible love to overwhelm her and each member of the family. This is so extremely sad for all who know any of the family. I’m so sorry.

Jerel and family, Thank you for your comments on this blog,
even though they are difficult to write sometimes. My family and I
are praying for Susan and all of you as you walk through this
valley. As you know, God’s grace is more than sufficient for each
event in life. We pray that God will be honored through the
suffering and pain you feel. Your faith in God is a steady, sure
foundation for these trials. We praise God for you and Susan. We
love you and pray that God will be especially near and dear to
you.

Jerel, We have been thinking about you & Susan and
praying for you at least daily, and will continue to. Your faith
and Susan’s faith is so strong, and it will sustain you. I have
prayed so hard that God would heal her and restore her whole to
your family. He WILL restore her whole to you. I just wish so badly
it was now instead of later. My heart is breaking for her! I will
pray now for peace for all of you, strength to get you through
these next difficult days, and hope for the future and the
fulfillment of all His promises.

We love you and know we are constantly thinking of you and yours – praying as much and as fervently. We pray to an awesome God – His plans are so much bigger than ours! I know God is with Susan. Please remember we are here for you and are willing to do anything.

Dearest Jerel: nurse at hospital, member at Meck; my heart
is heavy as I pray for God to shine deeply upon you, susan and your
beautiful children. Dearest Dana: sister to sister, i feel your
tears and pain ( living out of state with this difficult journey
thru a sister’s eyes is something u and i both share) May God hold
u as tightly as u need right now…love and blessings, julie
conway

Please tell Susan we love her and are praying for her. Tell her I think she is amazing. I am thinking of times our children were much younger and we had family dinners together. I am hearing her soft spoken southern voice that can produce some pretty quick comebacks. Tell her she has the greatest faith, patience and tenacity of any person I know. God has your whole family in his hand.

I wish that there were words that could be said that would
take away the pain. All that I can say that the God who created the
universe is still in the miracle working business. Please read Luke
18:27, Mark 9:23 and Matthew 19:26. God Bless you and your family
during this difficult time. Obviously I will pray for that miracle
to happen.