A Really Crude Story for those not Easily Offended

Don't say you weren't warned!

Since sandalwood has been a hot topic lately, and it's a note that I really love, I decided to try Santal Noble as my SOTD. I was really fascinated by Vibrant Violet's description of this one in his sandlewood reviews, noting a fecal-like opening. By god, it's really true. It was there in spades for me, but of course only made the scent smell better to me (trying explaining THAT one to your non scent-loving friends! &quot;You know, nothing rounds out a good cologne better than a healthy dollop of whale puke!&quot

I've always been fascinated by scents used in perfume that would otherwise smell hideous...ambergris, musk, civet, etc...and have read many articles about their history, production (both naturally and chemically), use in perfumes, etc., so I guess &quot;fecal matter&quot; had been on my mind all day as I was constantly looking for it in Santal Noble.

Now, for the horribly crude story....you know the girl in the ad who &quot;has to go, has to go, has to go right now?&quot; Well, I was that person coming home from work and had to get to the porcelain throne immediately...and not to stand up, if you know what I mean...naturally, that meant every possible obstruction would face me. A hideous traffic jam. A line at the grocery store (know how you have a talent for being behind a chick who wants to CHAT with the cashier, while you're dancing a jig behind her....and then she pulls out a CHECKBOOK!!!)...and when I get home and open the gate, the dumb but loveable dog bolts and I have to chase her down two city blocks. By this time, I'm seriously considering not waiting for the toilet anymore and am literally hunched over and sweating...finally I get the dog, head to the head..lol...but wait! There's a new box of perfume on the doorstep!

What a dilemma! *But being the dedicated scent addict I am, NOTHING is going to stop me from my new bottle! So I grab it and figure I'll combine two tasks at the same time. The scent is Cofinlixe's Homme de Cafe. I have a seat, open the box, squirt some on my wrist...very nice...then I notice a strong fecal-like opening in the topnote...

Then I say to myself: &quot;Wait a minute, this is no fecal note...this is the REAL THING!&quot;

HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR!!!!

Yeah, I know it's crude and not funny, but you know the times you just slay yourself and the fact that no one else thinks it's funny makes it even funnier!!!???

Re: A Really Crude Story for those not Easily Offe

See above. Definitely recommended, though you really have to wait for the drydown to get the full coffee effect. Great scent at a great price, though I'd recommend decanting it into a prettier flask! A plain one would be better than the hideous--but maybe in a &quot;so bad it's good&quot; way--bottle it comes in.

Re: A Really Crude Story for those not Easily Offe

As the preacher was heard to say right after an old man in the back of the revival service had just openly confessed to having &quot;carnal knowledge&quot; of a goat in his youth; &quot;Leroy, I don't believe I'da told that!&quot;

;D

"We are fast approaching the stage of the ultimate inversion: the stage where the government is free to do anything it pleases, while the citizens may act only by permission; which is the stage of the darkest periods of human history, the stage of rule by brute force." Ayn Rand...

"The essence of fascism is to make laws forbidding everything and then enforce them selectively against your enemies."

Re: A Really Crude Story for those not Easily Offe

Originally Posted by Hysteria

That was hilarious. You're a great storyteller. And because it's all TRUE, especially regarding ALL the pre-bathroom obstacles... ;D ;D ;D ;D

Hehehe. Yes, I concur... And, in those cases, I'm specially intrigued as how the last 10 seconds or so from the moment you insert your key to open the door to the moment you finally get sit seem to last the whole eternity and how the physiologic urgency in those seconds grow exponentially... In such a circumstance, I don't know how you had the nerve to stop your path, even for half a second or if it was en passant , to pick up your mail package before arriving... :

Re: A Really Crude Story for those not Easily Offe

It's all about the priorities. Pick up the package, head to the kitchen, grab the knife/scissors, and make haste to the chamber of the porcelain god for the non-sacrificial offerings. ;D Plus, you need SOMETHING to do while you're sitting in there. ;D

&quot;Eau de toilet&quot;... how did we not see that joke coming? LOL!! ;D

Re: A Really Crude Story for those not Easily Offe

Well I've come over here and have been right royally entertained. Together with the first page of the &quot;THIS is what chicks really dig!!!&quot; thread and now your story Ballardbeau which has had me in absolute stitches, my diaphragm is still aching. ;D ;D ;D

the animalistic in art

Wonderful story. Thanks for sharing.

I think one thing that's really fun about fragrances that have all kinds of human and animal funk in them, and still smell beautiful, is, it's like they give us a chance to revel in our angelic-and-animal natures. They celebrate that human paradox.

It's hard to think of other art forms where that can happen so vividly. Long ago my father was an art professor's assistant and the professor would sometimes turn to my dad in front of his students and say kindly, &quot;Hans, I'd like you to mix up a really nice sh*t brown.&quot; Dad always tells that story with pleasure.

Re: A Really Crude Story for those not Easily Offe

Dave, you're a MADMAN!
LOL!

You know, I may have to add this Cafe whatever to my list. *The mighty Griff is always lauding it so. *And I do so love the inexpensive smellies! *
And gee what is that &quot;Read the card! Read the card!&quot; from, I wonder...? *I seem to remember a joke with that punchline...

Re: A Really Crude Story for those not Easily Offe

Originally Posted by Ballardbeau

ahaha...I didn't get that one either.

Explanation??

I believe Griff was quoting the punchline of an old joke about a gay man who falls in love with his proctologist. *He goes in for an appointment, complaining of rectal pain. *The proctologist examines the guy's... uh... area, and starts incredulously pulling one long-stemmed rose after another out of the guy's butt. *The proctologist says to him, &quot;Do you realize there's a dozen roses jammed up your ass?&quot; *To which the gay guy responds, gasping, &quot;Read the card! *Read the card!&quot;

Or something along those lines...
(Hope I didn't offend, it's a bit crude--but you asked!)