Thursday, December 26, 2013

This morning I received an email from a young woman in
Los Angeles who is having trouble communicating with her mother. She writes: “My
mother often insults me, but I find it difficult to respond to her, because she
takes on the pretend voice of our bird, Cheeky. So when I respond, I have to respond
to Cheeky and not my mother. The problem is I’m not at all upset with Cheeky
and have no wish to yell at her. I fear that raising my voice might alarm or
even harm the poor old bird. Though there have been times when, I’m sad to
admit, I’ve thought about killing Cheeky in order to force my mother to talk
directly to me. After all, it seems Cheeky says some very hurtful things. And
even afterwards, when my mother is calm, if I try to bring it up to her, she still
insists it was the bird talking and not her. She refuses
to engage in any sort of meaningful conversation about the argument. Thus nothing is resolved, and I find the argument repeating fairly
regularly. It reached a horrible new level on Christmas, with Cheeky using
offensive language she’d never used before. The whole thing left me in tears, but did not affect my mother at all, as she maintains this is a problem between me and Cheeky. I’m
just not sure I can take it anymore. What should I do?”

Well, Sweetie, I think your instincts might have been correct.
Just kill the bird. That will force your mother to use her normal voice when
insulting you. Then you can respond to her directly. And to keep her
from replacing the bird, tell her that Cheeky escaped and will likely return at
some point in the future.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Kiddies, it's time to look back at an important moment in Winsome Family history. It was exactly five years ago that the internet saw its first mention of Grandmother's Fanny Game. Some of you saw it back then. And for those who didn't, here is another chance to celebrate a Winsome Family milestone.

Friday, December 20, 2013

Some people claim that Christmas is the most wonderful
time of the year. Those are people who get exactly what they want from their
husbands or boyfriends. Sometimes it’s difficult to accomplish this, but if you
follow these few important tips, you’ll have a better chance of having a very
merry Christmas.

Always point out to the man you’re dating anything
stylish that you would like to own, whether in a store, in a shop window, on
television, or on another person. And it’s okay if you’ve already pointed out
the item to him, as repetition will help him remember.

If your boyfriend comments favorably on something you
dislike, be sure to point out to him how wrong he is, that the item isn’t at
all fashionable. (Because he is obviously fishing for gift ideas, you can never be too strong in your statement.)

Make a point of complaining about how your last boyfriend
always chose poorly when buying your presents. Because men are competitive, that
will drive your current boyfriend to succeed where the previous one failed.

And if you do get something undesirable, remember, you can never tell someone a gift is
unappreciated. That’s considered rude. But you can show it with body language.
And that should help to ensure that person will make more of an
effort in the future.

Monday, December 2, 2013

Hi, Kiddies! Yesterday I received an email from a parent in Halifax, Nova Scotia, who writes: "Our baby can only get to sleep with a night light on. With all the recent power outages, she has gotten no sleep whatsoever. We tried a flashlight, but it was difficult to get the beam to cover a wide enough area, and the batteries tended to die too quickly anyway. What should we do?"

Sweetie, do as you do whenever there is a power outage. Light a candle. Then place it right next to the outlet, where the baby has come to expect the light to be. Candles are also a source of heat, so you might be able to save a little money by turning down the thermostat in your baby's room even when there's not a power outage, at least during these cold winter months.

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Hi, Kiddies! It's been brought to my attention that today is World AIDS Day. So I thought it appropriate to revisit one of the early episodes of my wonderful program, in which I answered a letter from a fan on that very subject. Enjoy!

Help spread the word, Kiddies! When working for a suicide prevention hotline, just remind those prospective suicides that if they kill themselves, they'll miss the next Grandmother's Fanny Game blog update. That should do the trick.