Rolling Stone's List of the Worst Fraternities

These guys made the list, because police seized “107 grams of ecstasy, 57 dosage units of LSD, 69 grams psychedelic mushrooms, 48 grams of opium, 22 grams of marijuana, .80 grams of cocaine and .91 grams of DMT (dimethyltyptamine)” from their fraternity house. That sounds awesome. My biggest concern here, is that Rolling Stone totally sold them short, when they neglected to mention that they sent their pledges to steal the school newspapers that reported the drug bust after the incident. I’d just like to say that marijuana, cocaine, and mushrooms don’t even count as drugs, so that dollar amount needs to be cut down, and as for the rest of it, it’s “bad” as in “illegal” and as in “bad-ass,” but are they really bad people for trying to provide brothers, friends, and party-goers a good time? I think not. Besides, you’re ROLLING STONE, you encourage the use of all those drugs. Hypocrites. That’s a theme here, by the way.

9. Pi Kappa Phi, University of Arizona — Chronic Troublemakers

It’s Jimmy Tatro’s fraternity, you guys! JT and company were kicked off campus after fourteen incidents with the university in three years including hazing incidents, during which they deprived pledges of food and sleep, and alcohol infractions, like underage drinking, and overconsumption. That’s it. Seems about equal to what every other fraternity across the country is doing, they just seem to be the Delta house to UA’s Dean Wormer. They’re by no means the “worst” fraternity, they’re the best…at getting caught.

8. Phi Delta Theta, Emory University — Pledge Fight Club Innovators

Phi Delta Theta’s offenses range “from force-feeding pledges ‘unusual amounts’ of items ‘not typical for eating’ to having them sleep on a basement floor in just their boxers.” The horror! The only other thing that’s bringing them national attention is for having their new members participate in a pledge fight club. This is the kind of punishment you get for creativity. Indeed, it’s shady, but if this is one of the worst fraternities in the country, our reputations are better than I thought.

FIU’s PIKE was busted for taking “sharing and caring” to a new level. From addies to nudies, these boys shared it all in their private Facebook group, and people tended not to like it. Everyone who’s not an idiot knows the basics of sending nudes, especially when the recipient is in a fraternity: don’t include your face and only do it if he’s your boyfriend. If you break those rules, he will send those photographs to his friends and brothers. That’s just, like, the rules of masculinity, and not at all exclusive to fraternities. Sharing the photos certainly makes them the worst boyfriends, I’m not so sure I’d say they were the worst fraternity though. Discussing Adderall doesn’t even seem like a real crime to me, as it’s so prevalent in every group on every college campus. Besides, shitty or not, this was all done in a private Facebook group, so the real a-hole is the one who leaked the images. And the one who posted about the “Pike Pharmacy” as his status. That guy was dumb.

6. Alpha Gamma Rho, Arkansas State University — Gunmen

AGR threw a party this summer, and it wasn’t quite the bomb, but it was at least a gunshot. One brother got a little over-excited in his drunken stupor, and shot two rounds of an AK-47 into a sandpit at the rager. Hoping to take full responsibility for his action, the 19-year-old admitted his offense to the police, in an effort to remove blame and legal action taken against the fraternity as a whole. What an a-hole. After attention was drawn to the party, police charged seventeen other minors with underage drinking. WORST. FRATERNITY. EVER.

5. Sigma Chi, Willamette University — Cunt Punters

This May, another fraternity’s private Facebook posts were leaked to the public. Sigma Chi at Willamette discussed their pledge program and shared a misogynistic joke or two about cunt punting a school administrator. It seemed, to me, to be nothing more than your average “boys will be boys” buffoonery taking place within the confines of a brotherhood. Unfortunately, feminists and school administrators actively avoided the news which would have informed them that “cunt punting” was a trending joke, popularized by our very own Rebecca Martinson, and the chapter lost their house because of a few private off-color jokes. Can you BELIEVE that a group of 18-22-year-old men don’t uphold the values of feminism when they’re clowning around in private? Bunch of animals. ONLY in a fraternity would this happen.

4. Beta Theta Pi, Carnegie Mellon University — Amateur Porn Stars

Many fraternity guys have lots of sex. Many fraternity guys live inside their chapter house. Logically, many fraternity guys are having sex inside fraternity houses. No arguments here. Nothing seems to be wrong with this picture. Some guys like to make videos of their sexcapades. Why? I’m sure it’s arousing in some way, though I’ve never done it. So far, nothing seems so outrageous. Sharing those videos with your brothers is pretty sketchy, and I can’t really defend it, but the dramatic way it was presented that they were “trading sexually explicit pictures (and videos) of men and women, all of which were captured inside their house on campus” makes it sound like the entire thing was heinous, when really, the only heinous thing was the dick-measuring contest that made the guy show his YouPorn off.

3. Sigma Alpha Epsilon, University of New Mexico — Rapists.

Okay, this one’s actually bad. These guys have allegedly been charged with rape and sexual assault repeatedly since 2007. Raping is NF.

2. Alpha Delta, Dartmouth College — Racists

Alpha Delta threw a “Bloods and Crips” party, and everyone lost their shite at the idea of a “ghetto” party. It’s notable that the first people to use the term “ghetto” were administrators, after catching wind of the event, not the members of the fraternity. Gangs are ghetto, but it was administrators, not partygoers, who said that “ghetto” was attached to a certain race. Regardless, the boys issued an apology for their insensitivity, because they are one of the worst fraternities in the country, obviously.

1. Sigma Alpha Epsilon, Arizona State University — Post-It Noters

SAE at Arizona is the chapter whose members allegedly dropped their WASTED (like .47% BAC wasted) brother off at the hospital with a Post-it note reading “I’ve been drinking and I need some help.” The drunk SAE in question later refuted claims about his brothers abandoning him over Facebook. True or not, regardless of how heartless this seems, I understand the guys’ actions. They were drunk, and afraid, but ultimately, thought it better to bring their brother to the hospital than try to help him on their own. Without an amnesty policy, this was all they could think to do. They could have handled the situation more responsibly, but at the end of the day, they still saved his life.