Are Men in Shorts the Worst? Let’s Discuss

Men’s shorts have long stoked controversy. Much like a cockroach, they have survived every war and political upheaval. They fall in the same category as socks with sandals, or fanny packs, and have a historical association with dorks: The thin-mustachioed Kip from Napoleon Dynamite donned a perverse pair of knee cap–showing chinos; the stoned-out-of-their-mind skaters in Clueless wore ankle-grazing prints; and Chevy Chase’s geek-dad in National Lampoon’s Vacation preferred tightly belted khakis.

Sure, men’s shorts can be bad (see the examples above). But fashion should strive for equality: Men need to stay cool and let their gams out, too. And recently, shorts returned with a particularly heinous vengeance on the Men’s Spring 2018 runways. Gosha Rubchinskiy turned out a pair of baggy dark-wash denim that fell just below the knee, as if Slim Shady had teleported to Moscow circa 1999. JW Anderson also hopped on the jort: His version was thinner and hit higher than Rubchinskiy’s, exchanging the bad boy for a nose-picking, “Call-of-Duty”-addicted dweeb from high school. Super-short-shorts made a cameo as well: teeny Daisy Dukes at Prada cut to reveal hairy legs, sheeny ones at Off-White, and marathon-ready cuts at Christopher Shannon. Perhaps the most cringe-worthy came from Martine Rose: done in khaki for that dopey tourist vibe, complete with large cargo pockets that spanned the whole thigh. The geek cherry on top? A belt with a fat metal buckle to accent the ultra-high waist.

Is the trend so bad it’s good, or just plain bad? A quick survey confirmed its wildly polarizing nature. “They’re infantilizing,” said photographer Daniel Arnold. “I feel like a giant 3-year-old.” The closest he’ll come to the garment is “jeans cut questionably short” and “a bathing suit.” Vogue contributor Diego Hadis had some choice words, too, especially about length. His example of a “too short” moment was Black Flag frontman Henry Rollins’s signature short-shorts. (Food for thought: Perhaps Black Flag’s “Rise Above” was about Rollins’s pant choice). On the flip side, they can be too long—think noughties mall rats and JNCOs. “There’s a sweet spot in between these for sure, and I’m not necessarily opposed to somewhat short or somewhat longish shorts, as long as they work proportionally with the guy’s body,” Hadis said. “But ideally they should hit above the knee and below the crotch. And his legs better not be hideous.”

The women around the Vogue office were a bit more forgiving. “I actually think shorter shorts are much more flattering on men, provided they have nice legs,” said Culture Editor Alessandra Codinha. “Vintage James Bond–style swimsuits versus board shorts.” Senior Editor Lauren Mechling made the case for simply wearing what one wants. ”I have an ugly pair of old sweatpants that I call my happy pants. They’re pill-y and cozy and I only wear them around people who love me,” she said. “Seeing men in shorts strikes a similar chord. There’s something positively adorable about such extreme hideousness.” In other words, bring on the hairy shins.