life

Another year went by and I do not know where it went, yet I find myself, on this very day, utterly myself and utterly changed. I am 20 years old as of 4:50 am today and I have to say, I have never felt more Woman in my life.

I was talking to a very close friend of mine yesterday and she asked me if I think I have changed and how. The answers came flowing easily. I have less patience, in general. I cannot be bothered with feeble people and weak opinions, I want certainty and I want things my way. My demeanor has changed: starting university I decided to let people gravitate towards me, not the other way around, not caring if I had to be alone in order to be the person I always wanted to be. I immersed myself in my studies and the results are proof of that. My taste in partners has evolved: no more time for half-men and fuckboys, no more time for grey answers, it is either black or white. I have learned to live more in the moment and think before I speak. I have learned to not complain and be 100% positive, even when the circumstances are not ideal. I have learned to turn anxiety into energy and fuel.

I have grown so much as a person and as a woman and I am grateful for living the life I am living, for being able to study in an established institution, for having my small circle of friends who love and support me. There is nothing else I could think of that I need. I have it all.

My mother barged into my room yesterday, looked at me and said “Do you realise I am your mother? That I have been your mother for the past 20 years?”. And now I realise that and there is nothing I could be more thankful for. My mother is a great woman, who is good and kind and hard working, always with a smile on her face about to explode into laughter, while keeping me grounded and raising me into a self-aware and confident woman. She is my rock.

My 20th year will be my best one yet, I am certain. I hope you will stick around.

Damn, it’s been a full year. I started the year in Australia, went to NYC in March, got my diploma from high school at the beginning of July, started University in September, and now here I am, stressing over exams. All of that leaving out falling in and out of love, in and out of friendships.

The more I look back, the more I see how much I have changed, as a person and as a woman. I have grown indeed: I get stressed less about social activities, I totally stopped caring about what others have to say about me, I started loving myself even more than before (is that even possible? I adore myself), I acquired the habit of cutting toxic people off, I started giving out more compliments, I am more quiet now, choosing to listen more attentively, I put myself on a pedestal and choose who I let get close to me.

I have grown to be an even more acquired taste than before, harsher around the edges, at least from an outside perspective, but that aids in the protection of my inner layers: call it learning from past mistakes.

What my hopes are for the coming year? More possibilities to learn, more experience, better enviroments, a better me. I hope to grow to be even more selective, quicker to understand others’ intentions, more focused on my studies and less on other useless things.

I hope the same and much more of what you wish for to you too. New beginning, new goals, new chances.

I always get in my feelings as soon as the festive season starts, from Christmas Eve until the New Year. This year though, it has been tougher to see the silver lining. Let me explain.

The festivities are always a bit lonely for me. Yes, on Christmas Eve I was with my parents and it was nice and I appreciated it, since some people do not even get to have that. But we are a small family: it is just the three of us here. The rest are scattered across the globe. I am also an only child, so that doesn’t help.

Christmas Day itself was lonely. The more I scrolled through Insta and watched InstaStories, the more I saw friends with their extensive families, enjoying their company, eating, and playing. I was alone, with my phone, my dog, a cup of tea, Anastasia (the animated film), and Love Actually. For the first time in a looooong couple of months I felt truly alone. But I noticed, both on tumblr and Twitter, that people made posts of solidarity for people who, like me, were lonely or alone these Holidays. It was indeed nice seeing how good people can be.

I am sure I was not the only one who felt like this and I want to say, and reassure you, that everything is temporary. This time will pass, just like everything else, and everything will go back to normal or, for a change, will become even better. All I can say is that you should try and stay busy, be it by watching films, going out for walks, or studying/working.

I honestly and truthfully cannot believe how fast this last quarter of 2017 went by. I did not even feel November pass by and now here we are, already celebrating (or not) the Holidays.

Now, for a university student, the Holidays do not have the same appeal they once had, since, at least for me, finals start on the 10th of January, therefore I have to study, study, study and study. Yes, I will try to take time off at least on the 25th and 31st, but besides that, I need to start grinding now, since the finish line is so close and expectations are so high.

For whomever celebrates any sort of holiday and for those who do not, I hope you enjoy your time off with your dearest ones and that you cherish every accomplishment and second of these days. A special “good luck” goes to those who work in retail and any other type of business that stays open during the holidays. May you find the time to drink a nice glass of wine and toast for good fortune.

Remember how I was so positive and excited back in this post? Yep, things changed. Exams are nearing (my first one is on the 10th of January) and I am scared af. I have indeed started studying but I already feel like I am behind (which is particularly accurate).

True, I should have started studying as soon as the semester started but being big-headed and egocentric, my ego got the best of me and now here I am, swimming through despair. Okay, I might be exaggerating; there are people who are in way worse situations than me, but still, I feel a bit lost.

As far as Math goes, I think I am at a pretty good point. Some things are new for me too, but I get the mechanics behind them and all it takes is a bit of practice.

Business Fundamentals, on the other hand, is a bit more complicated: I am at a good point with the theory, but accounting is a whole another beast that I still have to truly face head-on. Just like math, getting good at accounting takes time and practice, which is why I will truly study it during my Winter Holidays.

Lastly, Public Law is…boring? I mean, it flows well and the professor is awesome, but it is not my cup of tea. Luckily, this exam is at the end of January so I have a lot of time to study and repeat out loud the most important content.

Now, for some advice:

start studying as soon as possible: seriously, it is never too early to start. Do not reschedule, do not say “I’ll do it later”, just do everything as soon as possible, while also doing it well;

do the reading: if a professor tells you what you have to read up on until next lesson or leaves you an exercise to do at home, do it. They do that for a reason and you will feel accomplished;

study anytime, anywhere: I take the train everyday, back and forth, to and from Rome, and those 80 minutes total can be spent studying or reading something helpful;

it is okay if you cannot do it, for once: everyone has their breaking point, everyone gets tired, every woman gets pms and feels dead on the inside. Rest is good, as long as you are recharging to push harder next time;

be nice: simply put, be a nice person, be it to your peers or to professors, do not act superior; everyone is in the same boat as you and professors are there to help and teach, so do not think that they are out to get you and catch you unprepared.

This is what I have to say for now. I will probably update you guys after my exams are over, hopefully bringing you good news.

If you follow me on Instagram you probably know I went to Perugia this past Saturday, the 21st of October, at the Eurochocolate Festival that takes place there every year. The trip was organised by some students of my University. They rented 2 busses, very nice ones by the way, bought us breakfast and took us to Perugia in 2 hours time. We were all pretty much the same age, so things went very well, aka we had a blast.

We got there at about 10am and had time until 4:30pm to wander around. And let me tell you, it was great. Besides the chocolate itself, Perugia is a very nice town, very old and semi-high up in altitude.

My friend and I managed to find a pretty desolated spot where there was a great view, along with some benches to relax on, with the chilly mountain air.

Besides this amazing view, the town centre was packed with tourists, as well as with guests from a wedding that took place there.

We then found an even more photogenic place, after wandering into a bookstore and coming out with Beyoncé’s first CD. Oops.

This last 18th of September I started University and let me tell you, I could not be happier. I love new beginnings and this is the best one yet. Leaving behind all that was dragging me down was something I desperately needed.

I decided to pursue a degree in Business and more specifically Economics at the Sapienza University of Rome. Classes have been going on for the last month and I feel amazingly accomplished regarding the notions learned and the people I have made friends with. Getting to Uni in the morning is not the easiest voyage, but it could be worse: I take the train and walk quite a lot, but I do not mind.

The books are indeed intimidating but once you get into the mood of studying and learning it all flows better. My professors this semester, all women, are great and teach in a very pleasant way. I also got lucky regarding the time the classes are taught: from 9am to 1pm. Very, very lucky indeed.

I love learning how a business is started and what is needed, how the state regulates the privates, and also how law works. Math is the one subject where I feel more advantaged, because the professor is teaching things I already know.

My exams are in January and I have started studying here and there, but I still have to get serious about it. All in all, I am extremely happy and excited with how my life is going.