The Swinging Dick Election of 2016

“We do not have a warrant,” a senior law enforcement official said. “Discussions are under way [between the FBI and the Justice Department] as to the best way to move forward.” – Michael Isikoff [Yahoo News]

IT ALL began with Donald Trump sizing up his own swinging dick through the assessment of his most beautiful, yet tiny, hands. That’s when Swinging Dicks took control of this election cycle, which has become a full-scale assault on women everywhere.

So you’ll have to excuse me if what I’m writing seems… dirty.

America is choking on swinging dicks.

Trump was exposed on an “Access Hollywood” tape admitting that “grabbing them by the pussy” is his preferred handshake for women. That was topped when Trump claimed to have never done anything to women because he respects them so much. The Lie That Would Not Stand has caused Trump’s chances of being president to vanish and it’s because conservative women don’t want this swinging dick in the White House.

Then there is Anthony Weiner, a proud member of The Swinging Dick who has sullied the storyline for the first woman to come close to the presidency, who is still fighting to be elected. Weiner’s swinging dick proved so unwieldy that he also wounded the first woman presidential nominee’s top aide.

.@BretBaier emails Chris Wallace while he's on air: Weiner has given FBI permission to search computer so no warrant needed. @FoxNewsSunday

Can we possibly forget to mention William Jefferson Clinton? The only Presidential Swinging Dick who sauntered onto Attorney General Lynch‘s plane in the middle of Secretary Clinton’s email server investigation. The outcome of which was that Lynch basically abdicated her role in the Clinton email investigation to Comey, saying after the furor erupted that she’d abide by Director Comey‘s judgment.

This led to the most unlikely, and powerful, swinging dick of the moment, James Comey. He not only made a public statement when he said there was no way any prosecutor would indict Clinton; it was a statement which was unprecedented. WJC’s penetration of Lynch’s plane likely led the Director to ignore the 60-day suggestion in FBI guidelines, but also to act like he was blindfolded, bound and gagged when A.G. Lynch advised him not to send out the letter to congressional leaders about swinging dick Weiner.

FBI has “no idea” what is in these emails, Pete Williams says, signing off

Ask Kellyanne Conway, the first Republican woman campaign manager who’s been ignored by her candidate because… She doesn’t have a swinging dick.

Governor Chris Christie‘s swinging dick has been rendered limp.

Rudy Giuliani, whose jealousy of Clinton’s position, and the collapse of his own career, has caused him to upend his own reputation.

Serial adulterer Newt Gingrich sent a confirming message to all conservative women, many of whom are rethinking their Republican loyalty and what they’ve gotten for it, when he insulted and demeaned Megyn Kelly. Trump applauded his performance had the added benefit of reminding all women of how their Republican nominee feels about women.

Then there is the swinging dick with the longest reach, Vladimir Putin. With Trump’s bromance with this foreign adversary something Ronald Reagan would have been appalled to watch. Putin and his security forces have not only hacked into our election, but Russia and their allies have played such an outsized role in 2016 there are rumblings and reports the Trump campaign has caught the attention of the FBI.

Remember Paul Manafort, the swinging dick who was caught sucking up to Ukrainian thugs?

Can we ever forget Corey Lewandowski, the guy who manhandled a woman reporter while his boss looked the other way?

Then there are the Trump crowds, who were so threatening towards NBC’s Katy Tur that she had to be escorted from one of Donald’s rallies.

What we’re seeing is the patriarchy of all-white males rise up and revolt over one thing: The possibility of a woman president.

To The Swinging Dick, it doesn’t matter if Hillary Clinton is the most qualified person to ever get this close to the presidency.

The problem is HRC doesn’t have a swinging dick.

Period.

This is the 2016 election in a nut…shell.

That’s the Republican Party today: swinging dicks and second-class women who support them because they have nowhere else to go.

That’s why this election may cleave away women from the Republican Party for some years to come if the civil war to follow on the right doesn’t neuter the swinging dicks who are working very hard to keep a woman out of the White House.

FBI Director Comey’s actions make The Swinging Dick theory of 2016 clear. He ignored his female boss. He ignored fairness towards the first woman to be this close to the presidency, Hillary Clinton, in favor of attempting to cover the FBI’s ass so they wouldn’t be blamed after the election.

Women of all political stripes, including those not crazy about Clinton, are hoping one thing.

That we’re about to see the very last of the swinging dicks of 2016. It cannot come soon enough.

The GOP has had a problem with single women voters for years; now married women will likely walk on the party as well. Beyond the election, Republican women will need to decide whether they really want to be Republicans. It’s increasingly hard to imagine independent, professional women — really, any women — remaining in a party that is so rife with abuse and disrespect, so reminiscent of old-boy networks 30 years out of date. It’s not even clear what the party could do to purge itself of the misogyny. – Jennifer Rubin [Washington Post]

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Taylor I think you nailed it. I didn’t think it could get any worse. It really helps explain Comey’s actions. He couldn’t help but protect his cock. I am starting to feel like this whole election is about fighting for the final elevation of women. The brass ring that has always been just out of our reach. I think we are finally on the precipice of something big. It is bigger than a Weiner!

LOL. 🙂 Ain’t it the truth! I think this may be the best post I’ve ever read of yours, Taylor. “What we’re seeing is the patriarchy of all-white males rise up and revolt over one thing: The possibility of a woman president. To The Swinging Dick Club, it doesn’t matter if Hillary Clinton is the most qualified person to ever get this close to the presidency. The problem is HRC doesn’t have a swinging dick. Period.” In a nutshell, yes. I have to deal with this dynamic in my house every single day. I’m just at an age where I… Read more »

Beginning to look like this emailhail Mary is blowing up in Comey and the repugnantKKKlan’s faces. Didn’t even have a SEARCH WARRANT and he breaks precedence, Bureau protocol and completely disregards the advice of the AG? And worse yet…produces NOTHING that involves Clinton?!! BY FAR the most egregious attempt to use an abuse of authority to influence an election that I have ever heard of in our HISTORY!!!!!

You know, Lake Lady, that guy needs to be investigated – he’s up to his eyeballs in this whole debacle. I think at one time he tried out for the FBI and got rejected, if I’m not mistaken. It wouldn’t surprise me if he wasn’t in cahoots with some not-so-ethical FBI agents and planted emails from Huma’s other devices onto Weiner’s laptop. Seems farfetched, I know, but in this election year, nothing would surprise me at this point.

It’s abuse of power Lynnette and that should be the story. Where are the 21st century Woodward and Bernstein ? I I don’t mean the originals and crusty old farts they have grown into. Neither has the first clue about why trying to tilt an election against the first woman nominee is important.

This is a little off subject but I came across this lovely article that expresses what many of us feel about Hillary. I think this is the actual silent majority this election season – the one that never gets interviewed and is virtually ignored in the media.https://www.thestar.com/news/world/2016/10/30/a-hillary-clinton-secret-lots-of-voters-really-like-her.html
““That’s why she won the primary, quite frankly: she just had a bedrock of support, Democratic women over 50, who didn’t budge at all,” Tulchin said. “Even when polling has kind of waxed and waned, she’s always had that base of support, and that base hasn’t gone anywhere. It’s made a huge difference.”

If only I could I would go to bed with the covers over my head until Nov. 9th. Some polls show her still doing well and some show she’s only 1% ahead. I just hope that she can keep her lead and I can raise a glass of wine in celebration.

I’m in a county that is strongly voting for Trump. What’s really funny is he’s been here several times. It’s fine with me because that keeps him from going places where he probably should go.

Hang in there Betsy. These things always tighten up at the end. I am in a more liberal part of Iowa but dang the canvassers are kicking butt right now. Everybody is fired up to finally storm through the castle doors and take down Trump. Let’s push through all the dicks, glass ceilings and bullshit and just get it done.

Wow wow! I’m so proud of you Taylor… This piece spells it out.. Not dirty the truth.. Straight white men will not give up without a struggle.. What i’ve witnessed from all these men vs the woman and Hillary involved in this election, well it’s night and day difference.. A good enough reason to want more and more women in power.. I’m proud of myself and all your commenter’s, we stuck it out, in good times and bad.. Taylor you are so honest in your writing .. At times it was hard to read but i’m so glad i did..… Read more »

Yesterday (Tues.) in Columbus, Ohio, President Obama addressed the sexism in this election – he was great! Michael Moore also discussed it with Chris Hayes on his show last night on MSNBC. And I think I heard it discussed on one of the CNN shows last night as well, but less so. Finally.

I see it in my own household. I’ve always thought it would take a village to get our first female president. Thank goodness, Hillary has the best one ever. I’m staying hopeful and positive, but honestly I am a little nervous. I’m excited to be voting for another historical candidate, whatever happens. So many emotions.