Last minute shoppingThere is a gender-specific stereotypical mythout there that men tend to leave their Christmas shopping until the last possible moment. I, for one, am offended by such obvious slander. I don't like the fact that such comments make us men look like ill-planned, uncaring, unthoughtful morons.

Trouble is that in order to be with 'Er Indoors I am a Muslim. It's all to do with the paperwork which puts obstacles in the path of mixed marriages, and I'm talking about nationalities rather than gender. So Idul Fitri, the end of Ramadan, is the big tribal get-together in Jakartass Towers.

However, there is still that part of me that will always be an Englishman, with ghosts of Christmases past. I've sent about 50 home-made cards by email and, in return, there is a card delivered by the postman sitting, rather forlornly I must admit, on a book shelf.

There are snacks, the remains of some duty-free bourbon, some special flavour instant noodles in the larder and a bottle of Ribena for the cold evenings. Christmassy candles are primed; there's usually a power cut or two at this time of the year.