In 2011, the Sister Wives Blog started out as a place to talk about the TLC reality show "Sister Wives", Kody Brown and his wives Christine, Robyn, Meri and Janelle. Today we not only discuss the show, we discuss Polygamy in our society, and the public perceptions of the Mormon Religion. We discuss "Polygamy USA" and will be covering "My 5 Wives."
This blog is geared towards the adult reader, so please, no one under the age of 18 years. Thank you!

Friday, August 9, 2013

Sister Wives:The Missing Episode

You be the producer!I've given you the "film footage" in the form of photos, along with the first line of dialogue on Picture 1 to set the scene.You provide the "script" for the remaining pictures in the story line!Let's give the producers of Sister Wives some new ideas for future shows!Select one story line or all of them and go for it!

Kody's introduction/teaser for the episode.This week on Sister Wives:

Story line A [Meri: But I deserve that wet bar! ]

Story line B [ Christine: I never knew men could be such bastards!]

Story line C [ Robyn: (screaming) This isn't a hobby business, biatch!]

Story line D [Janelle: He seemed like a nice enough fellow. What's the big deal?]

Now, write your "script" for the pictures. I given you the first line of dialogue in Picture 1. You just "flesh out" the rest of the dialogue with the remaining pictures so the storyline makes sense. And yes, you need to use all the pictures in the order given for the storyline.

And don't forget to name your episode!

Make us laugh! Make us cry! Be Creative! Give those Sister Wives producers some ideas for next season!

Just like the bikini whenever she's near the water and Mary's boobs when in Mexico. I think it's an example of one of those things they pick when to follow...you know, the tenets of their particular religion.

Scene: Meri and Kody crying on the couch. They are being confronted by the producers about how they conned Janelle, Christine and Robyn into polygamy so that they could, several years down the road, strike it rich with a reality show. Outraged by yet another reality shown gone wrong, TLC cancels the show and the Browns have to leave their McMansions.

Picture One: Meri; But I deserve that wet bar. I put my skin through a lot of tanning products for that wet bar. We may have been wrong to deceive Janelle, Christine and Robyn, but darn it, it was hard to pretend that I really wanted this lifestyle and I really needed that wet bar. I hated those baby doll tops, it was the wet bar that kept me going when the pressure got to be too much!

Picture Two: Meanwhile, it comes to light that Robyn is pregnant again. In unaired footage, Meri and Kody had convinced Robyn to go through with a turkey baster approach to surrogacy so that no inappropriate questions about how often Meri and Kody were able to have intercourse would come up from those pesky doctors. So whose baby is it? Meri’s? Robyn’s? Meri puts her hands over Robyn’s belly and proclaims that she knows this is one of her babies that she had always planned on having.

Picture Three: Christine and Janelle have now left the family. Unable to drive Robyn off and now with a new baby, Kody, Meri and Robyn move back to the Lehi house. Meri has to give up her house full of useless Christmas decorations to make room for Robyn’s kids in the minivan.

Picture Four: back in Lehi, Meri, Kody and Robyn try to build a life together. With Robyn having given birth to the miracle turkey baster baby, they are all stuck together for now. While they start to prepare dinner, Meri leans in between Kody and Robyn and says “remember, this is my kitchen and you will cook the way I tell you to. And I am not staying up with that screaming baby tonight. Just sayin”

Christine arches one eyebrow: “Perhaps we should set your tongue on fire, Number Four. How’s about you put your little critter teeth away now, hmm? You want to push a bunch of frumpy…I mean funky joolahree, more power to you. But the next time you get up on your hind legs with me, Ima kick your skinny ass up so far you’ll look hydrocephalic.”

Cut to montage with theme music from Rocky. Everything in fast motion. Scenes include Meri polishing her wet bar as a deep rut slowly evolves into the granite surface and her polishing arm—the left—becomes chiseled and muscular. Janelle is shown alternately selling high-end Vegas real estate and gradually becoming downright svelte, wearing sparkly t-shirts with skinny jeans and 6” Jimmy Choo heels. Images of Kody flit randomly through the montage, alternately grinning and grimacing at the family, and driving a brilliant bronze Lamborghini Aventador with the wind streaming his waist-length hair back from a hairline that begins approximately at the crown of his head, a gorgeous 22-year-old redhead in the seat beside him. Robyn’s appearances alternate between frantic trips to FedEx with her arms full of little boxes that appear decorated with a pawprint, and laying on her back as an ultrasound tech squirts conductive gel onto her massive, pregnant abdomen—Baby 5 (Ebenezer)! Baby 6 (Matylda)! Baby 7 (Abednego)! Christine is only seen in the background, watching everyone around her, eyebrow arched, head moving back and forth as if she’s at a tennis match.

Montage shifts to real time in front of a store called “Patty’s Closet.” Surprise! Patty is the gorgeous redhead (currently in the process of legally changing her name to “Patti”) and it turns out she’s not only the successful owner/operator of “Patty’s Closet” (a fashion boutique specializing in glam attire for the modest--she’s made millions with her “Red-Hot-Mama”: a t-shirt/bustiere combo in a rainbow of custom colors, including a special version for the nursing mother), but she’s also Kody’s 5th wife!! Wow!! (TLC has announced an upcoming special: "You Ain't Nothin But a Hound Dog" in which Kody and Patty are "married" in a Vegas quickie chapel by an Elvis impersonator.)

Cut to Meri, taking the camera crew on a tour of her gigantic home. She has converted the hobby room, the bonus room and the office into bedrooms. Now each of her eight bedrooms is fully decorated and equipped for one of the children she always thought she would have. “This is Obadyah’s closet,” she whispers, fingering small clothes in the closet. Her massive and muscular left arm is creatively omitted from the scene.

NEWSFLASH, NBC NIGHTLY NEWS. Brian Williams: “The TLC reality show ‘Five Wives and Counting’ (formerly ‘Sister Wives’), has been precipitously cancelled amid rumors of a probable homicide. (Cut to a swanky Vegas high-rise, doorway blocked by yellow crime scene tape). “What you’re looking at is the penthouse abode of local Las Vegas showgirl-turned-fashion designer and multi-millionaire, Patti ‘Boom-Boom’ Brown. Ms. Brown, the most recent ‘wife’ of polygamist Kody Brown, was found in her bed by her housekeeper, apparently strangled. LVPD is asking for help in bringing the assailant to justice, stating that the victim (although in bed) was dressed in clothes that were not her own: a long-sleeved t-shirt under a baggy frilled camisole and a pair of heavily-worn maternity jeans. Though nothing else seemed disturbed, the first officer on the scene did find the necklace shown in this photo, wrapped around the neck of the victim. Anyone with information should immediately contact the LVPD.” (Cut to shot of odd necklace that might be popular with a middle-school girl).

CPA Carol and Redwood, I loved your long stories. I only have a short story for Story line C.

Christine - I never knew men could be such bastards.Meri - What you talkin' about?Kody - Don't look at me.Meri - Christine it's all your fault. Now look at what you have started. SWB is writing our script.

Christine "I didn't know men could be such bastards!"Meri "How could she not know! Have you seen how Lover treats her??!Kodi "oops!"Meri "Just remember, Christine, that if he is treating you badly it is all your fault. You must apologize to him or he will not lead you to his planet in the afterlife, so you can be eternally pregnant and get to hang out with me! Just don't let your spirit children touch my wet bar.

Cute idea, but I'm more concerned about the real missing episode! Why has the second Sister Wives Tell All special from June 2012 never been posted anywhere (free or for purchase)??? It's not on iTunes nor on Amazon. It's the one from just after the book came out - when Kody discussed the "nacho cheese" ridiculousness.

Does anyone have it saved on their DVR that they might be able to upload it to YouTube???

This is me not playing by the rules, but honestly that picture of Sobbin made me go hide under my bed for a while. I hope you can keep up with my jumping around but hey, thats how their show is anyway.

Picture 1/ Storyline C:

Robyn is in the kitchen telling Hunter " I am your Dad's real wife so who's your mama now boy?" Hunter is then so traumatized he has not been heard to utter a word since. He also has taken deep interest in self defense classes, voodoo dolls, and wrestling.

Pic 1Janelle looks very pensive, she is considering if she should break the news. She knows that Meri is not going to resist an opportunity to tattle tale, so it may be better to beat Meri to the punch.

Pic 2Earlier that day, Meri happened to be at the gym thinking she would drop in and surprise Janelle with flowers celebrating her weight loss and her oh, so new cheery disposition. But alas, Janelle was not there and according to her trainer, Janelle had been a no show for several weeks. Even the The TLC camera crew had been sent away empty handed. Meri thinks, "Hmmm...where is Janelle and what is she up to?"

Pic 3After 2 or 3 soul-searching seconds of deliberation, Janelle says to self, "the hell with it", and she presses her send button and gives new bestie, Phil Varone, permission to release the tweet that went round the world.

Pic 4Kody sees the tweet and is so shocked his right eye can't keep up with his left eye. Kody has been hoodwinked, and *by Janelle* of all the mistresses. Ye Gads !!!Janelle...the one who lets him to do whatever he wants and then only sighs about how proud she is of him. Good Heavens...what will Kody do now ??? He just had his hair fluffed and doesn't dare shake it all about in dismay and dislodge the carefully placed baldly-camouflage.Instead.....he is speechless and just continues to do his famous psycho glare.

Pic 5Janelle stares both Kody and Meri down and points out that "she too" knows a lot of secrets about the two of them and will gladly share them with the world, including the IRS and the Welfare Dept....and Christine and Robin.She ends the meeting by saying to them...."You two need to just deal with It". "Oh, and Kody, Phil is a real man."

No second story, but another thought to Sobbin's screaming hobby business pic. Cause I really that pic !! :))))

"Okay, which one of you bitches has been in my Victoria's Secret stash??I worked damn hard covering my tracks in my bankruptcy for those lace bras, thongs and garter belts. They won't fit any of you heifers anyway.I want them back !!! You hear me...!!! Now!! "

Christine: You talking to me? Who's the biatch? Your just a hobby Robyn, didn't you notice that we brought you into the family to help us get the reality show contract? Patty's Closet is where you got the idea, you stole their concept! Your such a thief Robyn jeeez, you try to steal our husband, our kids, Patty's concept, your so unoriginal...Your just an FLDS hick from St. George, do you realize who I am? I am polygamy royalty, without me and my connections this family gets nowhere!

Christine takes us to Patty's Closet to show us what a thief Robyn really is...who's the biatch now?

Picture 4

Merri: This is my closet, I fill it with baby clothes for the baby that I'm never going to have. Janelle works and I get a fourth of her money and I spend it on baby clothes for this closet, and maternity shirts like this one...the fact that my husband only sleeps with me a few nights a month at best has nothing to do with why I've never been able to have more kids...I am so happy in this lifestyle its so worth it...did I tell you about my wet bar? Would you like to have a drink? It's not quite five o clock yet but who cares we're in Vegas afterall, Kody promissed me a wet bar if I agreed to let him marry Robyn and to get me to agree to move to Vegas...having a wet bar is so nice, it keeps me from getting a DUI too and since our insurance is never current that is a really good thing...come on I'll make you a spritzer...

Picture 5

Robyn shows us some of her jewelry that she designed. See its quality, beautiful meaningful, special art...What is Christine talking about, I just don't get it. Who wouldn't want this around their neck, tell me? I got this idea from an Irish Cladaugh, I designed the hands to look like they are resting on a pregnant belly, that is the only original design but its still cool, where can you find these all together on a ring? Its symbolic, and iconic...this is what is going to make those house payments...Christine is just a b word...

OK that is all I can come up with at the moment, I would like to mix the pictures up honestly...this was fun!

Ok. Here's my little scenario I hope you all find it as funny as those already posted!Storyline D:#1: Janelle is sitting in her corner office pondering about an attractive guy she met. "Hmmm, he seemed like a nice enough fellow. I wonder what my sisterwives would think. Aw, heck! What's the big deal?" Why shouldn't we women be masters of our own celestial planet. After all, in the bee kingdom, there is a queen bee with a harem of male workers."#2: Meri is horrified at first but soon begins to think. "Maybe with a brother-husband joining the family, I will have the babies I was destined to have."#3: Janelle present New and Improved Lover to her sisterwives. "Here he is ladies! Lets channel our inner She-Ras and add a MAN to our clan!"#4: kody is outraged. "WHAT! I'm being made redundant?!" He yells. "What about our eternal life?!"#5: "sorry Lover", Janelle states calmly, "I'm in charge now."

Story Line DPic1: Janelle is freshly divorced from Meri’s brother and is living in a Teepee on Kody’s dad’s land. Meri comes over to smoke some grass in the Teepee and Janelle is crying. “I can’t keep living in this teepee! It’s too cold and your brother threw me out! I have no place to live!” Janelle starts thinking, Meri’s brother screwed me over, and that bitch is still married. They want to live polygamy and he seems like a nice enough fellow. Plus I need to get back at Meri for introducing me to her brother in the first place. I KNOW! “Meri – how about if I join you in your marriage to Kody?” Meri (Still being a sweet naïve young thing) feels guilty things didn’t work out with her brother and that her friend is now living in a teepee, agrees. Pic2: Janelle moves in. She is the worst roommate ever! She leaves dishes and garbage all over the house. Never cleans up or takes out the trash. She has a cat that pisses all over the house because she never cleans out the litter box. She claims she has no time to clean because she works full time and thinks Meri should clean up after her like a maid. This is Meri’s face when Janelle mentions the maid idea.Pic 3: Janelle is just using Kody and Meri for a place to crash and maid service. After work she goes out with a guy from work. They get drunk and come back to the homestead for a nightcap. She and the co-worker suggest turning the night into a swinger’s party. Kody is cool with that at first and agrees.Pic4: Kody realizing the dude is gay.Pic5: Man Kody! Why do you have to be such a party pooper! I was really looking forward to getting it on with Meri!

Tonight's episode was refreshing in that not one time was MSWC mentioned, not one single time!! Oh wait, just ignore that first sentence, now it hasn't been mentioned. :)

So all the wives got into their homes this week, except Meri and Mariah, and boy was Mariah pisssed. She was fuming and wishing she could slap the underwriters for the loan. I actually found it extremely tacky and immature of her to act like that, her sister (Aspyn I believe) couldn't even act excited about moving in because Mariah was standing outside in the dark acting like a spoiled child. Meri started sobbing when she found out that she would not be getting her keys before Christmas and her BFF Robyn was there, patting her back and said something along the lines of "It's just, it was Mariah's last wish". She made it sound like a make a wish foundation dream that didn't come true, not the reality that is was, which is they had to wait an extra few days to get in. Blame it on Meri, she's the one that didn't turn in the paperwork on time like she was told.

Enough of the Meri - Mariah - lack of move in date situation. Christine hosted a Joseph Smith celebration? party? soiree? in Janelle's brand new house (literally the day she got her keys) and she made each child a gift. The gift was actually so thoughtful and special for each child. You can tell that Christine really knows each of those children, more than any other adult in the famiy, except for Robyn's kids, but she obviously included them in this.

I absolutely love the, ever so patient, builder. He gave a short description of how Kody relates to each wife. His depiction of Meri was SPOT ON! He also described Kody's relationship with Robyn as the two of them are still in the honeymoon stage. I have to say, if I'm at 20 years with my spouse and we are going through the doldrum days of 20 years of all the crap and my husband gets to also be going through a "honeymoon stage", I think I'd need valiums to make it through the day. Gives me a real perspective of how miserable Christine has been. I always thought I understood, but if this was on display for the world and not just my own personal hell, it would really magnify it all and make me even more miserable. With the cameras following them everywhere they cannot as easily hide the things they do and say when they are having their couple time, and I'm sure the wives watch the show (and read this blog). In fact every time I see an anonymous poster support Meri I just want to say "Thanks for chiming in Meri, good to see you on SWB". LOL

Ending on the Meri note - we saw 3 wives get their keys tonight, how much you want to bet next week is devoted 100% to Meri getting her house. Would it really surprise you? Okay Meri, your turn to comment.

Does anyone just want to see Christine loose 35 pounds, start making money, and feel good about herself? Also, quit apologizing to Robyn! Have you forgotten being pregnant/in labor with Truly and Robyn was kissing Kody? Her over the top wedding, while you and Janelle had very simple affairs? Then she took a long and expensive honeymoon (compared to yours and Janelles')while you watched her children from her first marriage? Robyn has learned all this crying and manipulation from Meri (or came with it and the reason Meri liked her).Only Robyn could con the family into investing money in a company with a stupid name, ugly merchandise and no business experience, then insist everyone help HER. When Christine was trying to study for her exam, she was on her own. Robyn had her sisters help, so why couldn't she help you out for once? Robyn relished screaming into the phone that Christine FAILED her exam. Real Christian behavior. The terrible selfish, non-christian behavior I see from Kody, Robyn and Meri is hard to see. Janelle and Christine are kind, accomodating, generous human beings and deserve better from this lopsided arrangement. This show really is the Haves and the Have Nots

Right on - I also think Christine needs to stop apologizing. If anything, she is the one who is the most helpful and loving to all the kids. She has a tender heart and that comes thru. She would have to have such a heart to tolerate the fact that while in labor, her husband (cough cough) was kissing wife #4 and not with her. I

I wonder when Meri and Robyn are going to start apologizing for being such self-centered brats.

A - Meri cooking supper for the entire family for the week with no bitching!B - Janelle getting a massage, nails, etc., with Kody!C - Robyn having to work a rea job for a week - no bitching!D - Christine having a romantic dinner with Kody, full of compliments.E - showcase of the elem age kidsF - No Mariah whatsoever.

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