Hong Kong Phooey to head Westminster abuse investigations

Home Secretary Theresa May has today silenced critics accusing the Government of yet another cover up with the news that a new investigation will be headed by none other than animated canine martial arts themed law enforcer Hong Kong Phooey. Speaking to an unusually full house of MPs Mrs May explained

“These are largely problems from the 1970s and 1980s and so we need an appropriate figure to head the investigation. One that the public will have complete confidence in.

“Will it be a judge led enquiry? Nope.

“Will it involve all members of parliament taking a lie detector test and being questioned under oath? Nope.

Mr Phooey has told reporters that he welcomes the new challenge, particularly as his last case was in 1976 stopping a felon who broke into bank safes using a giant fan, and issued the following statement.

“Now let’s see what it says in my Hong Kong book of kung fu about exposing a paedophile network run from within Westminster, including many senior figures who are still serving and have threatened court action with very expensive lawyers at their disposal if their names are so much as mentioned on twitter. Oh here it is, it says I’ve got to go “Haa! Hoo! And a Rinky Dinky Doo! To you!””

Anyone with any information regarding the missing dossier which contains lists of MPs accused should contact Rosemary the telephone operator, though it is widely predicted that Spot the cat will end up saving the day and finding the missing dossier in a drawer.”

One inside source told us “It’s good that the Government are finally taking this seriously.”