MIKE: Yes, I find that, by comparison, performing onstage with you was one-dimensional.

ELAINE: Agreed—Liz Taylor has at least two more dimensions than I do.

MIKE: Hahaha!

ELAINE: Hahaha! You know, Mike, I didn't think you had it in you to direct a picture.

MIKE: That's funny, my analyst said the same thing, relating it to my doubts about the size of my … [Taking note of tape recorder.] Good God! What am I saying? This will be in Vanity Fair! Oh, God, I, uh … Elaine, let's put the act back together!

ELAINE: Sorry. Can't. I've got this movie of my own I want to direct. See, Warren Beatty plays this lounge singer in the Arabian Desert—

MIKE: B-but that could become our new routine!!! [Improvising a song.] You betta win this Bedouin's heart, bay-beee …

ELAINE: Hahaha!

MIKE: Hahaha!

David Kamp is a Vanity Fair contributing editor. He is co-author (with *V.F.'*s Steven Daly) of The Rock Snob's Dictionary (Broadway Books).