This article appeared in the Buffalo News May 23, 1993. This isthe longest newspaper article ever written about anything that I've everbeen involved in, with the exception of an article that I wrote for theopinion page of the Niagara Gazette last year that was about drive by eggingsin my neighborhood. At the time that this was written, I requested thatmy name be printed as Chris Alan because I didn't want any attachmentsto my real name to the business to be made. Now I realize that in termsof business none of it really matters anyway, you'll know from my autobiographythat it is clear that I did not succeed with it.

A friend of mine found this article on the Internet on a site calledHyperreal which is devoted to rave culture. We printed a copy out in 1996,and now we have it here for you on the web. Sometimes it takes time tobring things back from the bleeding edge into reality, so here you haveit. The greatest criticism of my life between the years of 1992 and 1993,from a writer who ran away to Washington D.C. Maybe in a few years, he'llhave a chance to write about me again.

Alan calls his bar the Mental Jackhammer Smart Bar."You can work out for four hours and not sleep; your mind will still behyped," he says of Fast Blast, one of four available smart drinks. Theother three drinks are Smart Start, Brain Boost and Memory Fuel.

"I've gotten really weird dreams as a result of Memory Fuel," Alansays. After chugging an ice-cold Smart Start, one does feel a definitetingle, as if something were caressing the inside of one's skin.

"Smart drinks are just as much a part of the atmosphereas sound and lights are," says Tony Billoni, producer of the Artists andModels Affair. "But I don't fool myself: If I didn't have a

real bar at Artists and Models, we'd be a bunch of artists sittingaround and looking at each other. This is a town that likes its (alcoholic)drinks."

So it's an uphill battle for Alan, who is the chiefdistributor of smart drinks in the region.

Alan seems perfect for this work. He's 20, a formercomputer hacker from Niagara Falls who writes techno music with his friendnamed DJ X-O-Tec on a sampler at home. He once ran a computer bulletinboard named after a character in "Neuromancer," William Gibson's seminalcyberpunk novel. Selling smart drinks, Alan hopes, will help him pay forcollege. But he still has to work weekdays at Burger King.

Smart-drink suppliers like Alan have become minorunderground heroes in other regions, fueling all-night raves in citieslike Toronto and quenching the thirst of thousands of kids. The craze

has spread so wide and so deep that even the editor of the NewRepublic recently named his two favorite flavors -- Fast Blast and MemoryFuel. In some places, smart drinks are already on their way to becomingpasse.

Meanwhile, Alan has been able to introduce smart drinksin only two local clubs -- the Pleasuredome in Niagara Falls and the Edgein Buffalo. After several month of sales, he is just approaching the break-evenpoint on his $4,000 investment in ingredients and other expenses.

He should be doing better, shouldn't he? That's whatAlan and his customers are contemplating as they continue to lean self-consciouslyagainst the Mental Jackhammer Smart Bar.

Then, under the influence of two consecutive Smart Starts, a theorybegins to emerge. It is communicated wordlessly, because the techno uproarhas made verbal communication impossible.

The theory is this: Smart drinks are more than justa fad that came late to Buffalo and had trouble catching on. Smart drinksare supposed to be the beverage of the cyberpunk generation.

computer hacking, electronic intimacy, etc. Think of the new televisionseries "Wild Palms" as cyberpunk for grown-ups.

When one of these fads fails, the whole trendy matrix collapses.This is what has happened in Buffalo. The raves are small and infrequent.The DJs need to catch up with what's happening in

Toronto and Europe. The designer drugs are impossible to find.Computer bulletin boards cost too much by Buffalo standards. Techno hasbeen unplugged while alternative, classic rock and reggae reign in localclubs. And so on. In short, Buffalo reality is never virtual.

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About Me

Christopher Bradley is the published author of the Poetry Books American Mohawk, Dancing Over The Fury, and Alpha Zulu 15:00.
His fully published autobiography appears at First Child of the Digital Age
Chris owns the consulting interest Noise Control Research which has the ability to build websites for customers and tweak resumes for the iPhone.
He has Written on the subjects of Raves, Sweatshops, Literature, Travel, and Music. Current Projects include expanding his interests in film review.
Chris also edits an article every now and again in www.wikipedia.org under the user name Chris Bradley.
If you want to know more about Chris, read the autobiography mentioned above. You are likely to find good contact information there as well.