7 Reliable Steps to Change Your Life at Any Age

Never assume that you’re stuck with the way things are right now. You aren’t. Things can change if you want them to, at any age. Life changes every single moment, and so can you.

As I watched a re-run of the Academy Awards last night at a friend’s house, I noticed an obvious commonality between many of the speeches actors and actresses make when they accept an award. It goes something like:

“This means so much so me. My whole life has been leading up to this moment.”

The interesting thing about this sentiment, I think, is that our whole lives have been leading up to every moment. Think about that for a second. Every single thing you’ve gone through in life, every high, every low, and everything in between, it has all led you to the moment you’re experiencing right now.

This means that you are exactly where you need to be to get to where you want to go. It’s just a matter of taking one new step in the right direction, and another, and another.

Start with a simple question: What do you want to change in your life?

Are you hoping to someday be in better physical shape, a runner, a writer, an artist, a graphic designer, a programmer, a teacher, a better parent, a successful entrepreneur, or an expert at something specific?

How do you get to where you want to go? Do you write your intention on a note card, and place it in a bottle and cast it out to sea, hoping the universe reads it and manifests it in your life? No. The universe isn’t going to make your desires happen. You are.

Do you set yourself a concrete goal to complete within a year, or within three years? Sure, but that alone doesn’t get the job done. In fact, if you think back on previous examples in your life, setting lofty, long-term goals probably hasn’t worked for you very often. How many times has this strategy led you to the outcome you desired?

Nothing will change unless you make a daily ritual that reinforces your goal.

I’ve tried weekly action steps with people, things they do every other day, big monthly milestones, and dozens of other variations and combinations of strategies. None of them work well in the long run except daily rituals.

If you’re not willing to make it a daily ritual, you don’t really want to change your life as much as you say you do. You only like the idea of learning to be fit/writing a book/building a business/selling your art/etc. You don’t actually want to do it, every day.

Bottom line: If you want it as much as you say you do, make it a daily ritual.

How to Turn a Goal into a Daily Ritual

Let’s look at a few super common goals:

Lose weight

Write a book

Stop procrastinating

Fall in love with the right person

Be happier

Learn a new language

Travel the world

Save more money

Read more books

How do you turn those lofty goals into daily rituals? Think about what you could do every day that would get you closer to your desired outcome, even if it were only the tiniest imaginable step forward. Of course, this is not always easy to figure out, but let’s look at some ideas:

Lose weight – Start walking every evening before you eat dinner, for 10 minutes at first, then increase to 15 minutes after you’ve completed a month, then 20 minutes after another month passes, and so forth. Once you are walking for 45+ minutes a day, make another change – drink water instead of soda/sugary juice.

Write a book – Write for 10 minutes a day for a month straight, then step it up to 15 minutes a day, etc. Eventually settle into a daily ritual of 1-2 hours of uninterrupted writing a day.

Stop procrastinating – For most of us, our minds operate at peak performance in the morning hours when we’re well rested. So obviously it would be foolish to use this time for a trivial task like checking Facebook. These peak performance hours should be 100% dedicated to working on rituals that bring you closer to your goals. A possible daily ritual: Set a ‘most important task’ each morning, then work on it for 10-30 minutes before opening your web browser/smart phone/etc.

Read more books – Read every morning for 10-15 minutes and every evening again for another 10-15 minutes before you go to bed.

You get the idea. Not all of these specific rituals will work for you and your unique situation, but you could come up with something similar that works better for you. In any case, the principle applies: Create a ritual and live by it daily.

How to Create and Implement Daily Rituals

This 7-step process is fairly simple and, if you diligently stick to it, basically infallible:

Focus on one (and only one) positive change at a time. – You can break this rule, and sadly most people do, but don’t be surprised if you fail because of it. If you try to do too much, nothing gets done right. Implement one positive change and make it a ritual for a month before considering adding to it or starting a second. Only build upon your ritual if you were successful, otherwise stick to it until it feels like second nature to you.

Start small. – I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but again no one ever does it. Start with a daily ritual that lasts 10 minutes or less. If you feel incredible resistance and fail at 10 minutes, drop it to 5 minutes, or 3 minutes, and then stick to it for a full month.

Create a trigger that automatically initiates your ritual each day. – A mistake lots of people make is trying to complete their ritual at the same exact time each day – like 8am sharp. The problem is life’s scheduling conflicts often get in the way of a rigid schedule, so on many days the ritual ends up being pushed back until tomorrow. To mitigate this, use something you automatically do every day as the trigger to start your ritual. For example, after you eat breakfast, after you brush your teeth, after you arrive at the office, after you turn on your computer, after you return home and walk through the front door, etc. The exact time doesn’t matter.

Make a sincere verbal commitment to someone (or multiple people). – Make sure it’s with someone whose opinion you respect. For example, I made a commitment to workout for 30 minutes every day to Angel. I’ve also made commitments to my parents, to close friends, to my son, to readers of our blog, to coaching/course students, to companies I’ve done business with, and more.

Set up an accountability system with an accountability partner. – Taking my workout example with Angel … each day I have to update a shared Google calendar showing how many minutes I’ve worked out, and she can (and does) check this calendar daily to make sure I’m on track. Your accountability tool of choice doesn’t matter – you can post to Facebook, email someone, or have a 5-minute face-to-face accountability meeting. Just make sure someone is holding you accountable each day, not each week, or each month. And make sure the person is actually checking in with you. If they don’t check in with you, you need to find a different accountability partner.

Create consequences for slacking off. – The most significant consequence of not following through with your daily ritual is losing the respect of those who you have made a commitment to. But you can create other slightly more fun consequences: Recently I made a promise to a group of friends that I would donate $100 to a political campaign I’m not fond of each time I didn’t follow through with my commitment. I haven’t missed my commitment yet. I’ve also made a promise to eat octopus sushi if I slacked off (and I won’t , because eating raw octopus is repulsive to me – like eating a rat). I’ve promised to sing embarrassing karaoke songs in front of strangers if I failed. The consequences can also be positive – a reward each week if you don’t miss a day, for example. Also, make the consequences more severe if you miss two days straight, and even more severe if you miss three, etc.

Review and enjoy the daily progress you’re making. – Taking two minutes to reflect on your daily accomplishments each evening is a healthy way to raise self-confidence and contentment. It’s also an effective way to motivate yourself. If you don’t do this, you’ll likely lose track of the fact that you’re moving in the right direction. So keep notes and write down at least one thing you made progress on each day and why it mattered. Do this consistently for a month straight and watch how it affects your happiness and productive output.

That’s it. Ritualize these seven steps, and you’ve got a changed life. I challenge you to put them into action today.

And of course, if you’re struggling with any of this, know that you are not alone. Many of us are right there with you, working hard to make positive changes, think more clearly, and get our lives back on track. This is precisely why Angel and I built “Getting Back to Happy.” The course is filled with time-tested steps on how to do just that. We’d love to work with you directly, if you’re up to it.

Your turn…

What’s one change you want to make in your life? What’s one new ritual you’d like to begin? Tell me about it. Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

Comments

From personal experience, if you really want to make sure you’re consistently on the right track, create a system for yourself. Often times we forget all the things we have to keep track of, so using some sort of program to organize will be optimal … such as Google Calendar as Marc mentioned. When we do this, we can plan ahead many days in advance while at the same time using our energy to focus on the present.

Then, as this post suggests, establish a ritual, and then, while it may be tiring at first and hard to keep, your brain will adjust to the changes and your momentum will build.

Replacing the phrase “I have to” with “I get to” in all of my self-talk.

Such a lovely concept! Makes the difference between being a victim of something or learning from and appreciating it. I’m already noticing positive effects from this small daily change.

For example, my bike’s accelerator cable snapped while I was leaving from home yesterday morning. My friend said I had bad luck. I said it was great luck because it happened close to home and not on a bustling highway.

I am the queen of procrastination. I put off the positive things I need to do way too often. So this post was perfect for me… it helped me look some of my excuses with the mindset of eliminating them via small, positive daily rituals. Thank you for giving me some solid ideas for fighting the urge to let things go.

Rituals are absolutely the way to go. I’ve tried it with so many things especially walking, and my walking buddy and I keep each other accountable. I’m started a new ritual for keeping on top of my to do list and I hope I’m as successful with that.

Thanks for this reminder. Setting goals are extremely important and as you stated so eloquently it is those small steps that are taken daily or frequently enough that will allow you to achieve those goals.

I was truly encouraged and inspired to continue with my rituals and those that I have neglected to resume them.
Consistency is the key to achieving ones goal.

Fantastic post! Taking action and being in the right frame of being has massively helped me to shift a massive amount in my life. from just making small steps with things to massive leaps of faith, following through in this way has really enabled me to catapult along the path to creating the reality I wish to live.

Things really shifted for me this year with my business and my love life from doing things this way. Rather than questioning things I flipped around to just saying yes and then working out how to do stuff, I released a new CD in May which is enjoying good success following a casual chat with a contact, there are two more now in the pipeline which will come out in a couple of weeks. Plus even better is that I started dating an amazing lady earlier this year and we are now set to get married in March of 2016.

Taking positive action, even small amounts of it, can truly make a massive difference to achieving joyful living and dreams! My daily activity has a great deal of flexibility as that leaves me open to new opportunities that aid with success, the things I do definitely underpin good results much as is in-line with the suggestions here though.

Thank you for sharing a piece of your inspiring story, Stephen. I love that you’re making gradual progress in both your personal and professional lives simultaneously. Sounds like you’ve found a great balance. Cheers!

Thank you as always. This has such a ring of truth and is very motivating to me. I think this approach ( and its evident truth) is very helpful, especially if you have mild depression and find focussing on ambitious long term goals difficult or not motivating. It is manageable and appropriate sometimes to focus on each day clearly but with a gentle confidence that you are travelling in a good direction. I’m sure that over a short while any positive new rituals will start to have an effect. I’m going to think about one or two – NOW, and make sure they can be started today.

Once again you remind all that it is positive changes, baby steps at a time that work. One day. one step at a time and any change you want make will be made by making it part of daily living. I have had many struggles over the last few years and always find that it is the positive daily changes that have really made life better along the way.

My problem is, my mind and schedule have been taken over by the “ritual” of making overcluttered to-do lists and finishing them at all costs–which violates virtually all the above principles, evokes anxiety in the doing and exhaustion by the finishing, and is only about 50 percent relevant to my actual long-term-goals list. I hope you’ll publish a post someday of “ways to manage a to-do list wisely.”

Above, I vote for #3 as the best personal insight of the list–I also have a make-a-down-to-the-quarter-hour-schedule-and-feel-guilty-about-botching-it problem.

Katherine, it sounds like you could really benefit from reading Steven Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – specifically Habit 3, which goes into scheduling and time management. I am just like you with to-do lists, and this section of the book has opened my eyes to organizing my priorities based on my goals and values, and managing my time and schedule from there.

Its been a while since I commented. After having back surgery a month ago, my whole system is no longer working. Work is tougher than ever, my concentration is shot and the pain and numbness in my leg has left me limping by the end of every day. My bloodwork made it clear that I have to start changing my habits: NOW.

So, having made the decision on Friday, I have had a slew of references to habit s and rituals end up in my emails and post notifications. Its not a coincidence, they are far too removed from each other to have overlap like this.

Thank you for the great tips. Having been a bodybuilder for 30 years, I live by daily rituals as far as workouts and eating are concerned. However, I neglected to instill them in my new goals for this stage of my life. I’m learning a new language and now I know I must practice every morning. Daily! No wonder the “four days a week” plan didn’t pan out for me, Thanks!

As a creative: visual artist, poet/creative writer, & singer, as well as a solo single parent, i found it often a major struggle to do what i was born to: create. The concept of creating rituals can be tweaked a bit to accommodate creative endeavors, which often don’t neatly fit into a schedule: in order to get into your zone, it’s essential to clear your mind from the clutter of externals. I’ve found that when attempting something creative such as editorial illustration while sitting in a non-AC apartment on a hot summer day with your child blessedly napping in the next room (but liable to wake up at any minute), loud street noises coming in the window, and a deadline hanging over your head (yes, i actually HAVE been in this situation)…you actually CAN accomplish a creative task, by inviting your creativity in. I set my box fan in a position that would gently blow air toward my legs (i still got the cooling breeze, but my papers weren’t blowing all over the place), got out my personal CD player, & began listening to some of my favorite music that thematically matched the subject matter i was trying to conceptualize as an illustration. Then i did some warm-up sketching for about 10-15 minutes…and when i felt ready, knocked out the drawing (which i’d been thinking about for days, just mentally percolating it) in about 30 minutes! I’d learned several years before, that if a drawing feels too “tight” or stilted, i’m trying too hard…& need to re-set my brain…so i’ve gone out to listen to live music for a couple of hours, come home by midnight, gone to sleep for ~3 or 4 hours, then voilá! At 4 am, my brain was rested, my thinking clear, & the door was wide open to my creative engine room…AND my piece was done on time. And, to best bonus of all: it looked far better than it ever could have, had i sweated and stressed over it for hours.

Since then, i’ve applied this concept in many ways: when i didn’t have the time or money to take an open-studio class, i’d write poetry…and eventually, short story dialogues; when i needed primal scream therapy, i’d scrape together a few dollars, go to my favorite karaoke spot, and belt out some classic soul or blues (i taught myself to sing this way, and have actually gotten kinda…good).

For me, creativity must be invited into the brain…so music is integral. Even though i’ve never had much money, i’ve always prioritized having music in my life. I prefer to find CDs that i enjoy, rather than listen to the radio (especially commercial radio). Even Pandora doesn’t always work for me…but to each their own. Back in 2000, i made a commitment to myself to live from my creative, rather than my analytical, brain…and it’s a choice i have never regretted.

Thank you so much for this reminder, Marc and Angel. I am working towards my goal every day, I revise at least an hour or more and just focus on that. There are days where I am like ughh, I can’t be bothered, but I still commit 15/20 minute of my time to revising, even it’s just a little bit. After reading this article, I’ve realised that I must reflect upon this progress I am making, so I can appreciate the hard work, time and effort I am putting into it. This, in turn, will help encourage and motivate me to carry on being productive.

I find myself stressing and becoming significantly overwhelmed. My entire life I’ve suffered on and off with depression. Also I suffer with the mentality of thinking I’m worthless and I shouldn’t attempt to follow my dreams because I’ll just fail anyway, why try? It makes me sad and frustrated, and I’m sick of it. These last few months I have taken to eating healthier, random yoga, and counseling. A ritual I would love to implement into my life would be 10-15 min of relaxing meditative yoga before I start my day to help calm my mind, body, and spirit. This has been very difficult to accomplish as I find myself making excuses not to. I lack disapline and accountability. I find it really difficult to, just do it…I feel after reading this though, that it helps me actually visualize the rituals and what I can do to make my goals a reality. I like how straightforward this is. Thank you Marc and Angel

I love all your posts but I must say this resonates with me so perfectly at the moment as I am in the most change I have personally made ever in my life. I’m 45 on Thursday and I’m really excited about my birthday and who I am becoming. I am working with childhood habits that have plagued me all my life. I was just about to start goal setting and now reading this I know rituals is what I must do! I love you guys, thank you from the bottom of my heart! You have been changing my life for the better for at least 3 or more years now! Anita

Great article! For me, planning ahead is HUGE. I’ve noticed a very large improvement in my daily rituals if I set aside time to plan my week and then plan each day. If I don’t plan, I waste time and all those little daily rituals fall by the wayside. I’ve learned a lot from this article -thank you!
Rebekah
moreradiance.com

I really really really want to become a married woman and a mother.
So I need to pick up the pieces of my disastrous dating history, and go find the right one who is ready to love me back.
On the successful side of things, I can happily relate that enrolling in an art class two years ago has made a world of difference for my painting: The dates are fixed, you have to show up and do your work along with your study group, and guess what? – It’s so much better than fumbling alone! I have already learned tons and hope to go on making progress…

Hi, really enjoyed the idea of simplifying and ritualising a daily routine. I have taken big steps towards achieving my goals. Like de-cluttering, writing regularly. But sometimes I am guilty of allowing myself to be cast adrift by life. I write as often as I can on my blog, which can be tough when I’m teaching and hectic and I allow silly things to get in the way. Definitely going to take onboard finding someone to be accountable to. Many thanks for the inspiration. Nic

Dear Marc and Angel!
Words are not enough to describe how fabulous and inspirational persons you are. You’ve touched my heart and mind with so many blessings with your words of wisdom and helping tips. You came in to my life in a time when I was experiencing a gloom. I wanna reveal you a secret: I was in love with the English language and the American lifestyle from a very young age. This feeling has amplified since I started to read your blogs. I have a great pleasure to read in English your advice especially that It touches me deeply in every aspect of my life. Please complete my joy with a comment. Even a short one suffices. Thank you thank you thank you sooo… much. I love you and God bless you.

Goal vs. Ritual… what a difference! Ritual eventually becomes a way of life – perhaps even more important than reaching goals! It builds discipline and inner body/mind strength. Very inspiring post! This was exactly what I needed to read today. Thank you

I find these ideas to be vey helpful. I am taking small steps with what I have, where I am. They are focused in the same direction without losing site of my big dream. “What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step. It is always the same step, but you have to take it.” ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Wind, Sand and Stars, 1939, translated from French by Lewis Galantière.

These are great tips for changing one’s life. I made a personal transition in my life just over a year ago and I’m happy with my results so far. I wish I had the information that you have shared here, things might have transitioned for me a little smoother. Never the less I have no regrets, I am 40 pounds lighter and I am now persuing my dream to become a successful business owner. I will definitely implement the tips that you offered here, specifically to make my goals into daily rituals and inviting people to keep me accountable.

Hi Marc and Angel, I am Anthony from Kenya and I am so glad I happen to come across this article. What rituals should I adopt to be a successful Financial Advisor in Insurance and Investment. Thanks big time.