Carl W. Kenney II is an award winning columnist and novelist. He is committed to engaging readers into a meaningful discussion related to matters that impact faith and society. He grapples with pondering the impact faith has on public space while seeking to understand how public space both hinders and enhances the walk of faith.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Single black mothers: Putting life on hold for your children

Carolyn Rhodes, 40, paused after taking a sip of
coffee. Her silence reflected years of carrying
a promise she made 20 years-ago.

“As a parent, it is a must that you now have to put
your life on hold for the sake of your child,” Rhodes says. “This can range
anywhere from putting a degree on hold, taking a promotion that causes you to
travel a lot, and dating.”

In two years her son expects to graduate from Duke University.
Raising a black son as a single parent requires all a mother has to give.We talked about the pain black mothers carry.
We talked about death in the streets and incarceration.She told me she made her promise to protect
her son from becoming what she has seen.

Rhodes is the Office Manager for the Southern
Coalition for Social Justice. Her passion is working with single mothers. In
2010, Rhodes founded Overcoming Obstacles, a nonprofit that helped single
mothers become self-sufficient through job training, financial management
parental education, and self-esteem building.Rhodes disbanded the nonprofit due to the strain to raise funds to
support the work.

“I see other women who just need a helping hand and a
role model in their lives,” Rhodes says.“Why can’t I set the standards high enough to make another mother want
to achieve and accomplish the same things in life?

Another pause followed the next sip.I searched for lingering disappointment – not
completing her college degree, a missed chance at love or a job in another
city.The theme of her message was
unwavering.Mothers of black boys have
to give so much more to shield their sons from the obstacles they face.

“There are not
enough educational resources about parenting.Not enough financial resources for single mothers,” she said. “One may assume that because a mother works 40
hours a week, that this is enough to provide for a family.Not enough family support.There is a “leave it, to beaver” mentality
that has been the biggest obstacles for single mothers.”

The maladies of black boys are often blamed on broken
families and inadequate parenting. Children conceived from relationships devoid
of love have produced a generation of children grappling to find love.Many mothers who love their children are left
alone to contend with raising children without the resources to offer what is
needed to achieve.

Single mothers need more to help them raise their
children.When there’s not enough to go
around, Rhodes says mothers have to dig deeper to make a way.It would help if more was done to support
single mothers.

“Our community
needs to go back to the basics of sharing, giving, taking time out for one
another,” Rhodes says.“My grandmother
was on a fixed income and was a domestic worker.However, she never received government
assistance and had enough money to buy fresh vegetables, create her own garden,
and feed the children in the neighborhood as well as her grandchildren.She could borrow an egg or a loaf of bread
from her neighbor without being judged by the community. This was the spirit of
a good community by meeting the needs of the people.”

It’s a lesson Rhodes continues to teach whenever she’s
given a chance to speak.

“Every day, I
see a person that looks like me. I see a person that wants the same out of life
that I do. I see a person that is looking at me through the same lenses as the
world sees me,” Rhodes says.“So, the
passion that I maintain to continue the tenacious drive is that I have someone
depending on me.As a mother, I am the
biggest role model for my child regardless of how society tries to shape him.”

Her son will graduate in two years.Two more years of sacrificing to protect her
son from the agony in the streets. Love has carried Rhodes this far.Faith has guided each footstep.

A few breaths followed the last sip of coffee. She
closed her eyes in that gentle way mothers do when considering the love that
traveled through the womb.A smile
followed.

Black mothers carry the love of their sons. They know
the potential that can be harmed by improper influence.There’s little time to rest. Often, they have
to work alone. Sometimes, they receive the gift of a helping hand.

1 comment:

I am so very proud of Carolyn Rhodes. She was one of my wonderful students during her high school days here in Durham. I always admired her sense of purpose and her ability to serve as a role model for others. Clearly, she has been a strong role model for her son and for other citizens in our city.

Thank you, Carl, for spotlighting the leadership and the community work of Ms. Rhodes.

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Carl W. Kenney II

Carl was named the best serious columnist of 2011 by the North Carolina Press Association for his work with the News & Observer's community paper The Durham News and in 2016 by the Missouri Press Association for his columns in the Columbia Missourian. He is a columnist with the News & Observer and Co-Executive Producer of "God of the Oppressed" an upcoming documentary film on black liberation theology. He is a former Adjunct Professor at the University of Missouri - School of Journalism and Adjunct Instructor at Duke University, the Center for Documentary Studies. He received his Bachelor’s degree in Journalism from the University of Missouri-Columbia. He furthered his education at Duke University and attained a Master of Divinity. He was named a Fellow in Pastoral Leadership Development at the Princeton Theological Seminary on May 14, 2005. He is a freelance writer with his commentary appearing in The Washington Post, Religious News Services,The Independent Weekly and The Durham Herald-Sun. Carl is the author of two novels: “Preacha’ Man” and the sequel “Backslide”.
He has led congregations in Missouri and North Carolina