At the start of every relationship, there are several firsts to be marked. Some of these I’ve already explored in past blogs—the first meeting of the friends, of the co-workers, the first trip away together, the first time she has to break into your car. And then there’s the First Birthday.

Because there’s nothing like turning a year older and closer to death to find out where you stand in your true luv’s eyes. Fortunately, with the Texas Twister, I had the Home Birthday Advantage.

The HBA is where your birthday comes up first. The advantages of this are obvious: for instance, gift-wise, the other person is setting the precedent. You know exactly what you have to do to match her or him when their birthday comes up. You know–let’s say your beloved gives you some flowers, a bath bomb, and a paperback copy of his favourite Dean Koontz novel. For his birthday, you can give him a tin of cashews.

Going into my own (recent) past, for instance, I find the example of Stiffie Bing*. When we began seeing each other, I’d just missed Stiffie’s own most recent birthday. What luck! So my birthday came up first. I should’ve known that it wasn’t going anywhere when I opened up the wrapping paper to find a carving knife. “You need something sharp,” she said. “I started to make you a card, too, but I didn’t have time.” Christmas was a food processor. If I’d thought about it, I’d realized she was setting me up to take care of myself when I could no longer depend on her (impressive) culinary skills.

The Big L., whom I’ll always thing of with fondness, love, and not a little exasperation, went out of her way to get me something I would like. But somehow, she was always just slightly off the mark. (Can’t think of a good example at the moment.) However, she made great cards–crazy, colourful affairs using pictures, pipe-cleaners, word balloons, you name it. Those cards alone should’ve been enough for me to think more seriously about couples therapy.

As for myself, I think I’m excellent, thoughtful gift-giver. I often spend hours at the comic book shop, looking for just the right action figure.

And so which action figure will I be purchasing for the Texas Twister when her birthday rolls around, in January? That remains to be seen. I do have to give her top marks for her first birthday gift to me, which she unveiled last night. Though somehow, I think the auto club membership might be more for her than for me.