TEC: Chapter 47: Back to the Real Babylon

Back in barely-post-attempted-terror-attack New York, the U.N. Security Council has beat its collective cheeks to the Newark Airport. That seems a helluva place to go while the city is panicking from a terror alert, since it’s an hour’s drive away under better conditions than that, but there they are. Maybe they took helicopters? Maybe?

Anyway, they chat about emergency plans and protecting employees, then the eeeevil members of the Security Council propose the most eeeevil thing ever–moving the U.N. headquarters out of New York!

The French guy, Jacques Verney, brings up Plan 7216, which is to get the U.N. out of the U.S.:

“I believe these types of attacks will continue as long as the United Stated continues to follow its godlike dreams to control the world and how it functions.”

Oh, yeah, leave it to the French to be unAmerican!

Vladimir Karkoff, permanent member from the Russian Federation, said forcefully, “It does not seem like the United States is prepared to deal with terrorists in its own country.”

Well, that’s a hard point to argue, seeing as how this current attack was foiled by a random trucker, a mob of racists, and an archeology professor being directed by Mossad agents sitting in a cantina in Mexico.

The Indian member also voices concern with U.S. policies, and when the brown man questions America, that’s when the U.S. member, Warren Watson, finally gets ticked, yelling at his fellow member because India is poor and hungry:

“I can’t believe your attitude!”

Yeah! Ingrates! And it is not at all proving my imperialistic attitude to say that people from poorer countries should bow down to us and never voice their own opinions!

Then the Chinese guy jumps in, proposing China for a location, but the evil Frenchman counters with Babylon:

“I talked to Helmut Weber, the ambassador from Germany, and his country is most supportive of such a move.”

The French and the Germans are in on this?!? Figures.

Warren Watson and his surrogate, er, fellow member, Carlton Thorndyke of the U.K., are so horrified and “fuming” that they literally cannot speak. Terribly professional and level-headed of them.

At this point, I would like to propose a collective giggle at Phillips’ choices of names.

And so, we see The Seven’s (they’ll stop at nothing!) plan put into action: the eeeevil U.N. members propose talking about this at the next General Assembly meeting!

Surely nothing so dire has ever taken place. Except maybe an hour’s drive away, where two bombs almost went off.

Yeah, but that’s where the Satanism comes in: it has to be on the historical Babylon, so as to conform to the prophecies that end up with TurboJesus lasering everybody. And they want to conform to these prophecies and get lasered because, er.

Sigh, these wingnuts are never happy, are they. You can’t build a bikelane without them screaming about Agenda 21, UN takeovers, and the importance of getting the UN out if America. And now they’re volunteering to leave, and somehow that’s all terrible and evil too. I guess the only proper role of the UN is as an US controlled institution that makes decisions that are legally binding for everyone except America.

The funny thing is that the first book already showed the US army basically running the show in “Babylon”. And of course the place is filled with Moar Arabs and, even at the time of this book, plenty of terror attacks. So they’re basically planning to move to another US controlled region where the US can’t keep the terrorists out of. This is quite literally the least sensible place in the world to move to in response to this attack. But LaHaye has written his prophecies, so they’re going to be shown happening, logic and reality be damned.

Also, as a European I’m amused seeing this proposal come from the French representative. If the UK ambassador* wanted to shut him up about moving the assembly to a more practical location, he should’ve brought up Strasbourg.

* A running theme in the paranoid right-wing oeuvre is that, while almost every nation is filled with people who hate America, the UK tends to end up as the good loyal Airstrip One who sides with them. Even in Left Behind they rose up against the Antichrist. Must be because it’s a nation of mostly white English speaking people. So y’know, almost as good as Real Americans.

Oh no, this book has moved on from the Moar Arab terror attack subplot to an even dumber subplot. Having read Fred Clark’s Left Behind posts, I know why the authors are so set on the idea of the UN moving to Babylon. But these UN ambassadors aren’t all fundie Christians, so the authors tried to give them other reasons for wanting to move the UN, but there are no secular reasons for moving the UN to the Middle East that make any sense. So these UN ambassadors just end up looking like idiots.

It’s about damn time we finally got to the conspiracy! I mean, I know the other books took forever to get going, but at least their namesakes came up in conversation at least once or twice early on. Meanwhile, we’re 47 chapters in and only now does ‘the Europa Conspiracy’ start to make even a lick of sense plot-wise. Unless we were supposed to assume that European politicians were involved in the back-alley artificial insemination that was the creation of the Anti-Christ just because the parents happened to be European.

…wait, this is the actual conspiracy, right? This isn’t just going to be some meaningless fearmongering that is ignore when some other conspiracy out of Europe is revealed, right?

Still not really feeling the Europa part. Yes, we now have two actual Europeans in this conspiracy. But also the Russians, Chinese and Indians. And it also includes Moar Arabs, Mexican smugglers and a South African leader. So basically it’s the Every Continent Except North America Except Maybe Airstrip One Conspiracy.

Only the previous books we saw that the US agencies are also neck deep into Anti-Christian conspiracies. And then there was the list of the Seven’s (They stop at nothing!) pawns. So maybe more the Everyone Who Doesn’t Buy LaHaye’s Books Conspiracy.