TTC: Month 24

Well, it’s official, we have hit 24 months of trying to conceive. Since this is such a monumental milestone, and because we thought that we would be pregnant by now thanks to Metformin and surgery, we went to our doctor. It wasn’t the news we expected, but it was news that does give us some hope and it starts to give us answers. I love my doctor. He is the first person that fully listened to what I had going on and actually truly cared about helping me to feel better and to become pregnant. I have been seeing him for almost a year and he has always been upfront, honest, and very patient with the MANY questions that myself and my husband always present him with. This last appointment was no different.

My doctor advised me that the options we have left are to do Clomid, IVF, or IUI. As of now, the only thing we see causing my problems is my PCOS. My husband and I decided earlier this year that we would not try IVF due to the cost, the fact that it is not a guarantee, and the fact that while the statistics for conceiving with PCOS and IVF are okay, they aren’t great. Given the fact that my body refuses to ovulate, our odds aren’t that great. IUI is a more cost effective option (ranging from $500- $800), but again, if I don’t ovulate, it’s money down the drain.

My husband and I were offered Clomid when I had surgery last year, but we turned it down. We did a lot of research on Clomid risks and the side effects. We also did research as to my current medical problems such as diabetes and high blood pressure to see how that affects a normal pregnancy and how it affects pregnancy with multiples since multiples is a risk with Clomid. To us, the risks felt like they outweighed the benefits and we decided to try with just the surgery and metformin for a little longer. I know there are women out there with PCOS that swear by Clomid, but there are so many risks and I have heard stories from others around me whose children seemed to have serious defects. That was most definitely the right decision for us at the time and I stand by it to this day. I truly do not think that things would be any different right now if we had gone ahead and taken the Clomid.

While discussing our options with the doctor this week, he said that we could try the Clomid but he did not feel it would increase our chances enough. I appreciated the honesty. I am at the point where I just want to know, can my husband and I have children or not. If we can’t have children, we will survive. We have already begun making peace with the fact that we may not be able to have children because that is a very real possibility. My doctor did have an option for us, however. He referred us to another doctor in the clinic whom specializes in natural family planning and the Creighton method of tracking fertility. This other doctor was able to meet with my husband and I right away and took a look at the charting that we had already been doing for 2 years. Thankfully, we had been keeping some very detailed charts! We are able to begin the class for the Creighton method right away, and we only have to wait one month before going back to see him ! (usually it would be a three month wait of charting). My husband and I also like the fact that instead of just using another medication and hoping we get results, this doctors goal is to find out if my PCOS is truly the only problem I have or if there is another underlying fertility issue causing me not be able to become pregnant. He will also be able to tell us if we are able to have children or not. This does mean that we are nearing the end of our journey. However, we will have answers either way it goes soon and this means that we have a new journey for right now, learning the Creighton method!

For any women, men, or couples reading this who have been diagnosed with PCOS and are having trouble, it’s easy to get discouraged. For some, the journey is short and for others the journey is long and frustrating. Remember that everyone’s body is different, what works for you may or may not work for another and vice versa. Remember that everyone has a different stance on fertility medications and what they are and are not willing to risk as well as what will actually work for them. Finally, remember to not let this journey overwhelm you and take control of your life. It is all too easy to get depressed and feel hopeless in life, especially while dealing with these problems. The support of my wonderful husband and my family and some verses in the Bible are what helps to keep me going.

What I feel right now is hope. It is hope that we will be able to have a child naturally, but I also have peace. Now at some times, that peace feels shakey, but it is growing. That peace is because I know that there is a plan for my life and for my husband’s life. I still hesitate sometimes, but I am really learning to trust more in God’s plan, even though I do not understand it.