6.19.2008

on the subject of marriage...much ranting ahoy

I got news yesterday that one of my best friends from college is engaged. I can't say that I'm that surprised, (she's that kind of girl who grew up on and saw no problem with Disney movies and who's been waiting to be swept off her feet; also, read: is still Catholic), but Jesus, it astounds me how fast people my age are willing to jump into this. I mean, it is the 20-26 year old thing to do, and if both people are in the place to make such a move, then I don't think there's a problem with it. But some of the time, [and as is the case for 2 of my 3 friends who recently got engaged] one of the two does not have a stable source of income...not to mention, may not be emotionally ready for that kind of commitment. Moreover and more specifically to the aforementioned friend, the guy fucked up kind of royally not two months ago, and she's writing it off because a) he put a ring on her finger and b) they decided to go to couples' therapy. I think therapy could've come in handy for both separately before the whole engagement conversation ensued!

Like many of my Generation-Y (Bother?) counterparts, I'm a product of divorce. Thus, I feel inclined to try and stop my friends from being victims of it before it happens. Especially before kids get involved...kids could be an entire entry unto themselves. I told my friend that I was happy for her, because I couldn't really say "Stop! He's going to hurt you again, but this time you'll be married! Can you support yourself if things go awry?" Etc.,etc. I would say the same things to a male friend if his girlfriend was doing him wrong, because men are definitely not the only ones that fuck up. It just irks me that people at this age feel that marriage is what you have to do - that there's some sort of clock [especially for women] ticking that indicates your time for this experience may be up.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not completely anti-marriage. I'm just anti-marriage when the couple in question has things to sort through, and/or are getting married under the wrong circumstances. If trust, communication or the tangible things necessary to enable marriage aren't there, I feel like it's a bomb waiting to go off. I see how some may argue that you just have to trust that things will work out and be open to the possibility, like anything else. But if you could prevent alimony/child support, years of heartache, and a broken spirit, from occurring wouldn't you? Shrug. Then again, I'm not completely anti-divorce in some circumstances either. Sometimes it's best for both parties, and oftentimes people change while being married.

I love the dress, the ceremony, the cake and unique locales that accompany weddings like any other lady. I love seeing really happy people who are ready to get married do it. But I'm also akin to the fact that marriage isn't the only option, and that commitment should matter more than anything else.

/rant

In other news, life is grand. No more bookstore, and I love this weather. Baseball, anyone?