Dear Culturalist: Is Pot Making Me Fail College?

Dear Culturalist,I managed to pass my first year of college, but I’m almost done with the first semester of my second year, and every grade I’ve received has been brutal. My girlfriend says I’m going to flunk out because I smoke too much pot. Could she be right?

No, your girlfriend could not be right. Isn’t that what you’ve always wanted to hear? It is literally impossible that the amount of pot you are smoking is to blame for your poor performance at school. Also, my cat could probably pass the first year of almost any college program, so don’t feel too good about managing to make it through year one.

Good news, your opinionated sweetheart is totally wrong. Bad news, you are definitely the problem, not cannabis. Maybe you are dumb, maybe you make dumb choices. Maybe you suck at school and just happen to smoke a lot of weed but would suck at school stone-cold sober. Maybe you are smoking the wrong kind of weed, or maybe the right kind at the wrong time. There is even a chance that you are simply not smoking enough Mary Jane.

Pretty sure that if someone can do something well, they can do it well while high, especially if they toke on the regular. If scholastic activities are not your forté, unfortunately as wonderful and glorious as dope is, it cannot change that for you. Wait, yes it can, especially if you blow at school because of attention issues—a great sativa strain may be your savior.

If you are smoking heavy indicas all day every day and are someone who tends to nap with their eyes open after such strains, then smoke different weed. Problem solved. Try lower-THC strains, try sativas, try hybrids and try CBD-only strains. They are all going to make you feel a little bit different. Find strains that are well-suited for sitting in a classroom, ones that help you write papers, or ones that help you go to bed early so you can get up for a painful morning lecture or exam.

Your significant other is unable to convince me your grades are low from getting high because the year I smoked the most weed in college my average was 98.3, and I was named “best overall student” in my program. Is there a chance that pot makes me a genius and you an idiot? Maybe, but everyone I know who managed to get straight As in college smoked weed every day. All the people I know who flunked-out drank too much.

Being successful in life has a lot to do with knowing yourself. Being a successful stoner can be achieved by knowing yourself, your body, your mind and the strains that make you feel and do your best. You could consume 15 grams a day and be super bright and accomplished. I say this because I know people that do that and are that. Amount is never the issue, but strain choice might be, or the important factor known as timing.

Timing is everything, right? This is true even when it comes to smoking weed. Can you smoke weed and finish your homework? No? Then don’t smoke weed when you should be doing homework. If you do and don’t finish what’s due, that is because you made bad choices, not because cannabis is some evil superpower.

If you are smoking weed instead of doing your homework, you are just making dumb choices. Toking is a hobby. If you do any hobby when you should be doing something else, that probably isn’t the most productive decision. Right? Like if you patted cats when you should be studying, cats are not the problem, you are. Now if you can pat cats and study at the same time, great. If you can’t do them both at the same time, prioritize. Same goes for ganja. If you can’t study when you are stoned and you need to study, don’t get stoned.

School is a game. If you don’t like it, you will probably not do well. Inhale a real cerebral strain and ask yourself if your heart is in the college program you have chosen. If you like it, stick with it and learn to play the school game well. Get to know the people who grade your assignments. Make sure they know your name and face and have enough conversations with them to ensure they know you care about your grades. This is half the battle.

In summation, you might be an idiot, and I see why this might be hard for your girlfriend to fully accept. Blaming a plant that cannot speak for itself is easy. Cannabis is just living its life, which tends to end with being smoked by humans. If you choose to use it inappropriately, don’t you dare blame the herb.