My wife`s idea of decor is making the house look like my 80 year old grandmas place with little tacky nick nacks and crappy little stuff cluttering the entire place up.
I put my foot down when she tried to put slip covers on the couch.

I let her have at it for the most part as it`s one of those "Pick your battles" things but man would I love to rip this place apart and institute a more contemporary simple aesthetic decor.

Sad how common that theme is among men. I have to admit that I had no sense of tasteful, maybe largely because I'm color blind. For years, I resisted my wife's attempts to makeover our home in less traditional ways. In the few years that she didn't work within her field, while the kids were young, she became friends with a really good decorator - one of those who does wall finishing techniques in high end homes, along with carrying the theme throughout the rest of the room. As I said, I resisted my wife's attempts, because we move every five years or so with my job. Finally let her go at it. Three years after buying a home, I was promoted elsewhere. We sold the home, in a depressed area, for $70k more than we paid. I learned to keep my mouth shut. Our current home was featured in a city magazine in an article by our realtor. I realized that I was the one keeping her from making the home beautiful, but had heard of so many horror stories of owners turning their homes into something that buyers considered garish, or at least unappealing.

I have to say, my guy has a good eye for renovating. This has paid off for us with reselling property. I do find it appealing when he gets the tools out and does work around the home for us. Especially as I don't know how to use a power drill.

For a long time I/we chose neutral or even a slightly more "masculine" style of decor - then after some time I told him "ya know, I want some more feminine looking things around here" and pointed out the style we normally choose. I don't think he'd even realized. So now I'm enjoying selecting slightly more "feminine" bedspreads and such. I keep it within reason; wouldn't unleash my inner drag-queen and decorate with feathers and sparkles but it's been nice to bring more of my feminine side to our home.

Where I'm a bit lame is that I often have price in mind. So while we agree on styles of furniture together, I'm always looking at the price tag. In the past this used to annoy him slightly, probably the same way his disregard for the price tag would annoy me lol. But now we seem to have a good balance with each other and make fun of ourselves with it.

__________________"Because if the decisions you make about where you invest your blood, sweat, and tears are not consistent with the person you aspire to be, you’ll never become that person." - Clayton Christensen

... if that is what the woman wants anyway. Too many complain afterwards but they contributed to allowing the casual living together situation, then they get mad & start pestering their very content boyfriends.

While this does not describe my feelings or experience with my husband, I do agree with you. If being married is important to someone, then yes, I completely agree. Maybe if there's going to be cohabiting, and marriage is important, there should at the very least, be clear boundaries/expectations from the start? Or don't live together if marriage isn't going to be on the table later. I have a friend in a similar scenario, living with her boyfriend for 5 years, asking me "Why hasn't he proposed?"

__________________"Because if the decisions you make about where you invest your blood, sweat, and tears are not consistent with the person you aspire to be, you’ll never become that person." - Clayton Christensen

While this does not describe my feelings or experience with my husband, I do agree with you. If being married is important to someone, then yes, I completely agree. Maybe if there's going to be cohabiting, and marriage is important, there should at the very least, be clear boundaries/expectations from the start? Or don't live together if marriage isn't going to be on the table later. I have a friend in a similar scenario, living with her boyfriend for 5 years, asking me "Why hasn't he proposed?"

I tell her I'm the wrong person to talk to about this.

You are too kind Heartsbeating......I would lay it out in all it's glory, that it precisly why I am either loved for my honesty or hated for stepping on a few toes.

I feel a woman in that situation has the best chance of getting married if she ups & leaves him.... lets him know that is very important to her -even if she did change her mind from before.... that is her wish in life....and she will not coerce him nor brow beat him.....

Often when we are faced with loosing someone we love, we look up, we take it more serious. If something was there, some Hold she had on him, he will feel that, not want to loose her , he will suddenly want to fight for that ...and part of that is stepping up to the plate to please her. And she didn't have to brow beat him into it !

That would be my advice to any of them. If he doesn't care that she is moving on, miss her terribly, chances are very high he would have never married her anyway, so her walking away, as much as It may hurt & rip her apart.... would be the best thing -for her future... Again IF "marraige" meant that much to her. It doesn't for many.

I can understand that way of thinking - but this is why I'm not the right person for her to talk to lol. Because I feel either you want to be with the person or not regardless of marriage. I understand the "threat" of losing someone but I don't like the thought that perhaps someone then proposes because they felt pressured to. It's too big of a decision. I know, this is where it gets confusing to me too haha.

I do think if needs aren't being met and/or ignored, then yes, action needs to be taken. I just seem to have a weird view about marriage it seems. To me, I'm with the man I love. That's all that matters. Maybe it's hard for me to advice about something objectively if I don't agree with it.

__________________"Because if the decisions you make about where you invest your blood, sweat, and tears are not consistent with the person you aspire to be, you’ll never become that person." - Clayton Christensen

Often when we are faced with loosing someone we love, we look up, we take it more serious. If something was there, some Hold she had on him, he will feel that, not want to loose her , he will suddenly want to fight for that ...and part of that is stepping up to the plate to please her. And she didn't have to brow beat him into it !

See this is where I get confused. <stretches out on couch> because on one hand I completely agree with you. On the other hand, did she love him and want to spend her life with him as a person, as her man, OR is it that she wanted to be married?

__________________"Because if the decisions you make about where you invest your blood, sweat, and tears are not consistent with the person you aspire to be, you’ll never become that person." - Clayton Christensen

I can understand that way of thinking - but this is why I'm not the right person for her to talk to lol. Because I feel either you want to be with the person or not regardless of marriage. I understand the "threat" of losing someone but I don't like the thought that perhaps someone then proposes because they felt pressured to. It's too big of a decision. I know, this is where it gets confusing to me too haha.

I do think if needs aren't being met and/or ignored, then yes, action needs to be taken. I just seem to have a weird view about marriage it seems. To me, I'm with the man I love. That's all that matters. Maybe it's hard for me to advice about something objectively if I don't agree with it.

Does she want kids with him....being married is good for the kids- that Mom & dad are hitched. Just my personal opinion. I guess if they don't want any, to each his or her own....it was monumentally important to me, I would never be with someone who wasn't willing to marry me and do right by me in every way, I am pretty demanding I guess.

I never had to demand it though, which was very sweet indeed. He wanted it more than me!

I think that marriage provides a security that living together does not. It tells each other and the world that we are exclusive, she is mine, I am hers, and don't you dare try to come between us. We got married at 16 and 17 and we are going on 40 years. There were some rough times...times that we would have called it quits were it not for that ring signifying our vows to one another.

I would do it all over again in a heartbeat! We are there for each other until death.

__________________
The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. 1 Corinthians 7:2 (The Message)

You love to argue with me, dontcha?
There are plenty of reasons why men would want to get married. Many want Mommy 2.0. They need their hair stroked, being told how awesome they are, how wonderful they are, how nobody could ever be as great as them and they need a woman to feed them, clothe them and care for them while sick. A ONS or hooker isn't going to do that.
I personally have found nothing more fragile than the male ego. Not a womans, not fine china and not spun sugar. Literally nothing. I never knew this until I started reading here. It appears that if you look at a man wrong...it's a test. If you ask him to do something....you don't respect him. If you tell him you are not in the mood....you are usurping his authority as a man and his needs. If you question him....you are testing him. If you stand your ground....the temperature needs to be checked in the relationship. If she doesn't blow you on command...she doesn't love you. If she doesn't screw on command.....she is taking you for granted.
Never knew any of this before I came here. I just thought it was the ebb and flow of marriage. Guess it really is about ego.

Does she want kids with him....being married is good for the kids- that Mom & dad are hitched. Just my personal opinion. I guess if they don't want any, to each his or her own....it was monumentally important to me, I would never be with someone who wasn't willing to marry me and do right by me in every way, I am pretty demanding I guess.

I never had to demand it though, which was very sweet indeed. He wanted it more than me!

I think she does want children - and they are religious, so this will have an effect too.

I always felt my husband did right by me, even before being married. I never questioned his commitment or love to me. I do see how it can have different relevance or importance to people though. When we moved in together, it seemed extremely natural. It wasn't a big decision of whether we should or not, it was just "We're meant to be together, we want to be around each other all the time, let's find a place." I guess if our upbringings were different then we may have married. I just knew we wanted to be together, without hesitation. I think with children, it makes things "easier" from a societal perspective and it's nice to represent as a family unit.

__________________"Because if the decisions you make about where you invest your blood, sweat, and tears are not consistent with the person you aspire to be, you’ll never become that person." - Clayton Christensen

You love to argue with me, dontcha?
There are plenty of reasons why men would want to get married. Many want Mommy 2.0. They need their hair stroked, being told how awesome they are, how wonderful they are, how nobody could ever be as great as them and they need a woman to feed them, clothe them and care for them while sick. A ONS or hooker isn't going to do that.
I personally have found nothing more fragile than the male ego. Not a womans, not fine china and not spun sugar. Literally nothing. I never knew this until I started reading here. It appears that if you look at a man wrong...it's a test. If you ask him to do something....you don't respect him. If you tell him you are not in the mood....you are usurping his authority as a man and his needs. If you question him....you are testing him. If you stand your ground....the temperature needs to be checked in the relationship. If she doesn't blow you on command...she doesn't love you. If she doesn't screw on command.....she is taking you for granted.
Never knew any of this before I came here. I just thought it was the ebb and flow of marriage. Guess it really is about ego.

That doesn't answer the question about if steady sex is an incentive for a man to marry. That was the comment I responded to and that you in turn responded to me on. All of the things you listed are not an incentive to get married. A man can get all of those while single. I thought the question was about the incentive for a man to marry. You gave examples of how to keep a man happy so I really don't know where you're going with it.

I think she does want children - and they are religious, so this will have an effect too.

I always felt my husband did right by me, even before being married. I never questioned his commitment or love to me.

I never did either, I don't mean to imply that, it is only a problem if 2 "world views" are different, and one is wanting something else -like your girl friend.

We even lived together for 8 months before we married. As soon as we moved in together, I started planning all the fine details of our big wedding. Many likely looked down on us for that (surrounded by Christians), but I didn't really care...It was "right" for us at that time, kinda all the stars lined up together for us to end up in that little house on a hill in that particular year to push us forward to our destiny. Most would never believe it but we still waited to have real sex. I /we had much sexual discipline back then.

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