All week long, leading up to last night's season premiere of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, E!'s social media hyped the season using the tagline, "New season. New reality." The new season part is definitely accurate, but the trouble with the new reality bit is that so far, season 11 is focusing on events that happened in July and August. That's an eternity in tabloid and reality TV news, so instead of feeling new and fresh, the stories on last night's season premiere felt a little bit stale. Like, seriously, we're still talking about the ESPYs? Still, there was plenty of juiciness around the stale bits, so let's get right to it.

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Everybody Loves a Good Rebrand: First of all, let's talk about Keeping Up With the Kardashians' super sexy rebrand — the on-screen text that indicates where scenes are taking place is in a much prettier, less cartoon-y font, and the theme music is completely different (sorry, whistlers, no more "doot doot doos" at the top of every episode). But what's really interesting is that there's an actual glammed-up title sequence now, for the first time in multiple seasons, that makes it very clear that this show is about Kris, Kourtney, Kim, Khloé, Kendall, and Kylie. Not Rob. Not Caitlyn. Those exclusions aren't necessarily surprising, but it's never been quite so … blatant.

SPEAKING OF BLATANT, about halfway through the episode, Kim, in, like, a normal conversation with Khloé (not an interview, not some roundtable about the Kardashians in culture) says, "I feel like our brand is known for being sexy, and there's nothing sexy about me … it's all up to you right now." I'm not sure why that hit me so hard, but it was just a little jarring — but also refreshingly honest — to hear Kim use the word "brand" where most people would just say "family."

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The Kim Kardashian Memorial Award in Insensitivity: So, I'm the first to admit that I have a little bit of "I'm sorry, who are you?" syndrome when it comes to Kris's boyfriend Corey Gamble. It typically takes me between two to four years to accept a new addition to the Keeping Up With the Kardashians universe. But even bearing that in mind, what he said to Kourtney about her needing to find a man right away was not fucking chill. After Kourtney joked she'd maybe consider dating again in 10 years, he responded, "Ten years? We got males in the house! They gotta be raised by some lions, you know what I'm saying?" I mean, it sounds like he's saying, "Better snag a man quick because there's no way you can effectively parent your children on your own!" and that's at best counterproductive and at worst misogynistic and really, really hurtful. Kourtney, because she's a flawless queen, says nothing from behind her mirrored aviators.

Unfounded Conspiracy Theory of the Week: At some point in the middle of the episode, I invented a conspiracy theory wherein Kris Jenner doesn't actually need glasses, she just wears them to look smarter, a conspiracy I have absolutely no evidence for aside from the fact that we never got, like, a four-part special episode in which Kris visits the eye doctor and chooses frames AND the fact that they actually make her look smarter.

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Scott Free: Real talk, it's hard watching Kourtney go through her breakup with Scott — harder than I'd expected. Yes, some of it is certainly played up for the cameras (did there really need to be black and white footage of Scott, like, wrapping up his couch in plastic and moving it out?) but the majority of it is just a mom trying to figure out what her life is going to look like as a single parent of three kids. Since Kourtney is traditionally the most stoic Kardashian, it's really hard to watch her make a Kleenex into a little dam to catch all her tears. But even though she's going through something unspeakably difficult, she can still make me laugh harder than any other Kardashian — case in point, when Kris described how she was making Kendall's room into a closet, Kourtney pointed out, "You sound like the farmer who built bigger barns instead of giving away his crops."

Reality TV Is Fake: I loved that Kim was so supportive of Khloé doing the Complex photo shoot — she looked good — but I didn't quite buy Kim showing up at Khloé's and being all, "I got you this photo shoot!" Like, Kim just called the magazine and they dropped everything for her? Wait, now that I've typed that, it doesn't sound all that far-fetched….

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Reality TV Is Real: The fight Kendall and Kylie had at Kylie's house just before the ESPYs was some legitimate sister shit, and Kendall's realization that they were both fighting with each other because of how worried they were for Caitlyn was surprisingly mature. Who among us hasn't told our sister's pets we're sorry their owner is a C-word?

Final Words: "Wanna take a selfie? That's the best part of life!" —Khloé, to a giraffe

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