Same about the 5mm needles. Although I started off on straights, if I were to teach someone to knit, I'd start them off on circulars, as well as the 'picking' or continental method. I think it's the easier method to learn than 'english' (which I learnt) and its less painful on the wrists.

I started on a scarf, but got bored pretty quickly and moved on to clothes and such. I think the dishcloths are a good project to start on, especially since you can vary the stitches, get cool patterns online and be off in a hurry.

Your first attempt at knitting - it won't be the greatest, the stitches will look crooked - but don't freak out over it. You'll get better quickly.

My first knitting yarn was wool - I'd advise wool because it's less painful on the hands (unlike say, certain types of cotton). So, a wool/acrylic or cotton acrylic will be good. I've worked with acrylic, and I guess the UK must have the sucky ones (unlike you yanks), because I found working with acrylic to be awful. It stuck to my needles and made my hands sweat.

I can recommend stitch and bitch by debbie stoeller, and I've heard good things about knitting for dummies.

one of the blokes from work texted me this morning to tell me it was shutting & his wife had just bought some very cheap wool (see, they mock my knitting but they care really)

That's really sweet. The fact that even though people rib you about something, they give you a heads up when they know that it will interest you! You need to take pictures and share your haul with us (visually, of course).

Crabtree and Evelyn gardener's cream is lovely. It's light, sinks in the skin quickly, a little goes a long way, and non sticky. As a bonus, the smell is mild too.

Or Neutragena's concentrated hand cream. A little goes a long way, and it absorbs into your hands and feels like a powder.

LUSH's smitten is pretty ace. Light, moisturizing and disappears into the hands.

If you want to do cheap and cheerful = 1 part cocoa butter/shea butter to two parts castor oil. Add essential oils that suit your fancy (tangerine tones skin, rosewood tones skin and smells great). A little dab will do yah because the cream is exceptionally rich.

I won't front though, I'd like to try actual knitter's creams to see how they compare with the lotions and potions I use.

But I don't understand WHERE to stitch. In stockinette there are the Vs and the ladder to guide you. I'm totally lost on this purl edge.

Garter stitch is just knit stitch ad nauseum, and knit stitches tend to have the little 'v's. Try and work within those 'v's which is one stitch in behind the bar or the edging, ala reverse stocking stitch, and it should help.