You Know You’re A Parent When…

I have never been a big fan of exercise, but when DorkySon celebrated his third birthday I realised that it was no longer possible to keep blaming my wobbly bits on ‘post-pregnancy’. So recently I’ve borrowed some Davina McCall fitness DVDs from a friend and I’ve been quite enjoying doing them. Each session is only half an hour, so can be easily done while DorkySon is taking a nap.
Last week I did a new session for the first time, and it was one that involved getting down on the floor to do some sit-ups and push-ups. I moved our living room table out of the way and lay down, already a bit sweaty from twenty minutes of exercise, only to then sit up and realise that my back was covered with a sticky film of biscuit crumbs, fluff, and half-chewed raisins.

Gross.

I’d hoovered just a couple of days before, but with DorkySon in the house you’d never know it.

It was one of those real ‘you know you’re a parent when…’ moments, so I’ve spent the rest of the week thinking about other telltale signs that make it clear to one and all that you have a small person in your life. Here’s the list I’ve come up with. I’d love you to add your own below.

You know you’re a parent when… you cut yourself and go to the medicine cupboard, and the only plasters you have in are bright yellow and pink Peppa Pig ones.

You know you’re a parent when… you can’t walk past a building site without saying out loud ‘Oooh look – a digger!’ – even when you don’t have a child with you.

You know you’re a parent when… you’re able to get up and out of bed at 3am, walk through to the kitchen and fill a sippy cup with water, walk through to another bedroom, dispense water, Calpol and cough medicine, tuck your toddler’s toes in, and return to your own bed. ALL WITHOUT EVEN OPENING YOUR EYES!

You know you’re a parent when… you choose birthday presents for other children based on what will be the least annoying option for their parents. Books, jigsaws and clothes are in. Noisy things, wet things, and messy things are out.

You know you’re a parent when… you’re so accustomed to being sprayed with bodily fluids that it no longer makes you flinch – you can take a full-on-sneeze-in-the-face without even blinking.

You know you’re a parent when… you can fix anything – from the broken headlight of a Matchbox Mini, to a punctured pram tyre, to a Lego man’s arm – with a dab of superglue.

You know you’re a parent when… you know exactly who Norman Price is, and you hold a surprisingly intense dislike for him.

You know you’re a parent when… you say can’t stop yourself from raising one eyebrow disapprovingly at people who ask you for something and forget to say please. You usually manage to restrain yourself from saying ‘What’s the magic word?‘. Usually. But not always.

What about you? What moments of realisation have you had that have made you think ‘Yes, that’s it. I’m a parent now’?

You know you are a parent when you go to the toilet at work and realise that you are wearing two pairs of pants. As you got dressed via automatic pilot because your three year old was up most of the previous night.