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Me: Did you really think the movie was going to be about Stephen King, the horror writer?

Chloe: Yes!

Me: Didn’t you think it was strange when the Stephen in the movie got so sick?

Chloe: I thought maybe his illness is why his books are so dark!

Me: What about all the physics stuff?

Chloe: Yeah, that was confusing.

Me: Chloe! The movie said Stephen Hawking could only write 4 words a minute! Stephen King has written a GAZILLION BOOKS! Do you know how long that would take???

Chloe: (pause) Well, he seemed really determined.

I swear — for such a bright, clever, academically-gifted child, she’s an incredible knucklehead –

ALTHOUGH TO BE HONEST….

The apple does not fall far from the tree.

For many years – I’m talkin’ YEARS – I thought that the Warren Buffet guy who made all the brilliant investments was the same guy who sang “Margaritaville.”

Yep, I thought THIS guy –

Was the same as THIS guy!

NOW HEAR ME OUT.

First of all, Buffet’s not a common name. So first I heard about Jimmy Buffet, a singer-songwriter who sold millions of records and scored tons of cult fans who call themselves, “Parrotheads.”

Then I heard he opened chains of restaurants called “Margaritaville” and “Cheeseburger in Paradise” – AND hotels – AND casinos! Years ago I read an article that he wrote books, flew his own plane, owned minor league teams, created internet games, and opened a record label – making over $100 million a year from all these business ventures!

I heard that he invested his money so well, and was so super-rich, that he lived on an island – or bought an island – or some shit about an island.

So I’m thinking – cool, this guy’s a musician AND he happens to have a head for business. That’s pretty frikkin’ awesome.

So when I started seeing clever quotes about investing and finances attributed to some Buffet guy, I just figured — it’s the same guy.

“Someone is sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago.”

“It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you’ll do things differently.”

Those Buffet quotes are so succinct and clever, they sound like a songwriter DID write them!

“Price is what you pay. Value is what you get.”

“Risk comes from not knowing what you’re doing.”

Yo, dog, these could be song lyrics!

And you gotta admit – those balding old white dudes tend to look alike.

Jimmy Buffet Warren Buffet

So EVERY TIME I heard something about one of those Buffet guys, I assumed it was the same person.

Until the party.

Yep, the party where my error was exposed in excruciating detail for all the world to see.

Picture the scene: Crowded party, noisy – several of us are chatting by the dessert table.

1st Man: Warren Buffet said the best way to invest is (blah blah financial stuff).

2nd Man: And he said next year, the interest rate is going to (blah blah financial stuff).

(I don’t really understand all the financial references, but I want to participate in the conversation.)

I quickly join the cover-up and laugh weakly: “Oh, yeah, heh heh heh. Just jokin’ around with you guys.”

1st Man and 2nd Man do not look convinced.

I excuse myself to the bar, grab a glass of wine, and head into the bathroom with my Iphone.

“What the FUCK?” I mutter as I quickly Google those wily bastards, Jimmy and Warren. “Sonofabitch! They ARE two different guys!”

Here all this time, I thought the boozy, happy-go-lucky Margaritaville singer was giving financial advice to Presidents and Kings.

Don’t judge me.

It could happen.

(Saturday Night Live alum Al Franken of self-help guru “Stuart Smalley” fame is a U.S. SENATOR, for God’s sake!!)

So there you have it —

It’s no wonder my daughter watched an entire movie about world-renowned physicist Stephen Hawking, thinking it was a bio-pic on horror writer Stephen King ——- because her own mother thought the billionaire investment magnate Warren Buffet was also the singing Parrothead guy Jimmy Buffet.

The knuckleheaded apple does not fall far from the knuckleheaded tree!

So today, I ask you, what embarrassing misconception can YOU admit to?

It can be small, like my childhood assumption that people on TV could see me since I could see them, hence I always changed clothes BEHIND the couch.

It can be odd, like my childhood belief that everyone’s given a maximum number of words in a lifetime, so I was very quiet in my youth so I could save up my words for adulthood.

It can beembarrassing, like my voracious reading habit that made me attempt to use words I had no idea how to pronounce so I’d say things like, “Well, that’s the very ‘epi-TOME’ of greed!’ instead of the correct ‘i-ˈpi-tə-mē’ — thereby creating gales of laughter for those in the know.

So ‘fess up, friends!

What’s YOUR equivalent to my Buffet Blunder?

— Darcy Perdu

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(Let’s hear it! You must have SOMETHING to confess – a misconception, an assumption, a flat-out blunder! Share your hilarious humiliations!)

I sat on a jury trial a decade or so ago (DUI, boring). And after we made our verdict, we were told that the prosecuting attorney would be available for questions. We had all wondered if it was this guy’s first DUI, so we waited to ask (it wasn’t). The attorney grabbed a couple of us as we were leaving and mentioned she was a new attorney, so she wanted some opinions. “I’d like to know about my closing.” I thought she asked about her “clothing,” so I said, “It’s very professional, but kicky not staid and boring like you expect from a lawyer so that was refreshing, but the stiletto heels were probably a no-go.” She just looked kind of stunned, so I just shrugged and said I wasn’t a fashion guru and walked off. A little later, I realized she said “CLOSING” like closing argument, not what she was wearing. Oh. Oops. Seriously, those heels were too high.

STILL having trouble with the pronunciations. I just learned that segue isn’t pronounced seeg about a year ago. On a conference call. With clients. *head smack*Cassandra recently posted..My New Obsession

LOL I have been calling emoticons emoctions since they became a thing. I had no idea till my sister laughed and laughed at my mispronunciation. I then had to look up the word cuz I was sure it was right. So embarrassing!Heather Holter recently posted..Moms Don’t Get Sick Days!

When I was a teen and first heard “Little Red Corvette” on the radio I thought the words were “Live and Collect”. You know like the girl in the song was living and collecting guys as she went along? Totally made sense to me and I convinced my friend that’s what it said.

So at a party surrounded by teen girls we wanted to impress we were signing at the top of our lungs “LIVE AND COLLECT!” The girl throwing the party pulled out her Prince cassette case and showed us the name of the song and then proceeded to let everyone there know we were a couple of dorks. I was horrified and my friend wouldn’t talk to me for weeks. Somehow the knowledge of this little gaffe has managed to trail me all my life and I still sometimes catch hell from people in the know when the song comes on the radio.

Oh, Arionis, I’m laughing so hard about your gaffe – I’m just picturing your enthusiastic gusto as you belt out the lyrics amongst those teen girls — only to be schooled publicly by the party host! Argh! Foiled by the Prince cassette case!

Now every time that song comes on, I will think of you, and belt out “Live and Collect” in your honor!

Hahahahahaha…you are hysterical Darcy. And I must be perfect, because right at this very moment, not one mix up that I have EVER committed comes into to my steel trap mind. However, I was married to someone once, long ago, who walked into a drugstore and asked where the condominums were. Thankfully, I was waiting out in the car.

Funny but the first thing that popped into my mind as my embarrassing moment was the exact same as one of yours–that darn word, epi-TOME! Luckily I found out about MIS-LED before I came out with my inner voice that always said mI-zeld.

So glad to know I’m not alone on epi-TOME!
Your pronunciation of misled is pretty dang funny too!
Other pronunciations I mangled are: Super Flew Us (instead of superfluous) — and Yossa-Might National Park (instead of Yosemite)!

The only reason I realized that “epi-TOME” was wrong is because when I was about 14 there was a TV commercial that aired in my market with that Ernest guy (you know, “Hey, Vern!” that one) and at the end he said, “The epi-TOME of excellence, know whut ah mean?” and since I knew that guy pronounced any “fancy” word wrong, I knew it couldn’t be eipTOME or he wouldn’t have said it that way.

Oh Tracy, I’m impressed with your deductive reasoning skills! That’s a great point — if Ernest said it that way, it MUST be wrong!
Wish I’d seen that commercial before I blurted out that little epi-TOME gem in class!

So should I thank you for making me laugh so much that I wet my pants, well first I had a coughing fit then I wet my pants. Now I am clean and dry and hope that doesn’t happen again this morningJo-Anne recently posted..Why some people are too afraid to ask for help

Here’s more on Jimmy Buffet. When I was in high school, my dad remarried. Late night at the wedding, drinking beer with my dad’s friends and Margaritaville comes on the stereo. I get up and proceed to belt out the song, one of my favorites at the time. My dad’s friend just about died laughing when I sang “stepped on a pop tart.” Correct lyrics are below:
“I blew out my flip flop,
Stepped on a pop top,
Cut my heel, had to cruise on back home.”

When I was a kid I thought dogs grew up to be all sorts of different dogs. I’d hear about how someone would go out and buy this one specific breed and I was all “That’s dumb, in a year that dog’s not going to look anything like it does now.”

My “proof” was anytime we went down to my Grandfather’s ranch (his and 3 brothers) my Great-Uncle who lived down there, his dog always looked vastly different than the time before. What I didn’t know was
1) Great-Uncle didn’t believe in naming dogs, so they were all named dog.
2) Solitary Outside dog on a cattle ranch, in coyote territory =/= long life span.

So yeah Great-Uncle had several different dogs over the span of my childhood.

I was always disappointed that our old miniature poodle mutt never grew up to be a bigger dog.

It was an interesting day in school when I found out dogs don’t change breeds as they get older.

That’s so funny! And yet, I can TOTALLY see why that would make sense to you. If I kept visiting Grandpa’s ranch and the dogs were changing but all had the same name, I’d assume they were shape-shifters too! Love it!

And PS we moved homes every 1-3 years all over the country and even overseas, so whenever we’d get a new dog, if it was a boy, it was called Duke — if it was a girl, it was called Duchess. We had many, many Dukes throughout my childhood!

My grandfather had the ‘same cat’ for 30+ years. Every cat was named ‘Minner’, which is Ukrainian for cat. No one in the family knew what actually happened to his cats since they were all inside cats. And him and my grandmother never spoke of their cats dying or getting a new one.

When I was a kid, my parents took me into the bank to get my first bank account, I think I was 10. When it came time for me to hand over my money, I was slightly puzzled. I asked my mom “what are they going to do with that money?” she told me that the bank would lend the money out to other people, and that I would earn money for letting them use it. I got HYSTERICAL and was absolutely convinced that I would never see my money again if the person they loaned it to didn’t pay it back.

And in addition, for many years, I believed that the bank would hold my money until someone came in to borrow the exact amount I had. After all of my banking issues, I made sure to explain to my kids how the whole thing works.

Swear to God, I didn’t say this, but my best friend, and college roommate (who is otherwise a very smart lady) did:

Once I was changing a lightbulb in one of the fixtures in our apartment. She saw one of the slots where you could put a bulb was already empty and insisted we put a bulb in every one of the slot-thingies. Why? Because otherwise, she said, the electricity would come out and that’s where static electricity comes from.

No lie. She said her dad told her this.

When her mom said I couldn’t share any raunchy stories at her wedding rehearsal dinner, I shared this one.

Hmmm…I thought in the Ringo Starr song Photograph where he sings…all I’ve got is a photograph….I thought he was singing, all I’ve got is a bowl of crap..Michelle recently posted..Are The Seven Deadly Sins Equal In Severity?

“a bowl of crap?” well, that’d be a rather odd lyric — but then again, the line does say “all I’ve got is…” which does connote a certain amount of disappointment — and I guess I would be disappointed if all I had was a bowl of crap. Ha!

Bwahhhh! I LOVE that you mispronounced a word that’s supposed to be showing how sophisticated you are — “I’m not so ‘nave’ to think…” I can just imagine your crush thinking, “Did she just say ‘nave?’ Does she mean NAIVE?” HA!

LOVED YOUR STORY, especially since my husband was a stockbroker for many years.

Um, so, when I was young we used to play with Silly Putty. And my mother would say, “You leave it out, and tomorrow, it’s gone.” I took that to mean that it evaporated or something.

Flash forward: now I am a parent and my husband is having a COW because I let our kids play with Silly Putty in his new car and they got it all over the upholstery. My mother was in our house when he entered, still complaining, and I said, “Really, calm down, in the morning it will be GONE.” My mother looked at me, mouth open. My husband looked like he might burst a blood vessel. My mother asked, “What do you mean?” and I said, “Well, you always said if we left it out, in the morning it would be GONE.” Dead silence while she looked at me with bug eyes, followed by her comment, “The REASON it was GONE in the morning was because, if you left it out, I THREW IT OUT.” See that big handful of “Duh” -? Well, it was all for me.

Wattayamean it’s not epi-TOME? Sort of like indicted is not IN-DICK-TED. Yup. High school history embarrassing moment.

Bwahaha! Allison, I’m DYING over here! I CANNOT BELIEVE you made it to a marriagable age and thought Silly Putty DISAPPEARED! That is hysterical! And of COURSE your Mom and husband looked at you like you had 3 heads! I’m surprised they didn’t commit you right then and there!

Meanwhile, those Silly Putty product designers should jump on that idea right away because it’s all KINDS of brilliant! The makers of Play-doh and Lego should work on that too! Wouldn’t it be lovely if those items were left out overnight, they just DISAPPEARED? Brilliant!

As for IN-DICK-TED — that’s hilarious! And what better place to showcase that word than in a high school class!? I bet they loved it!

Yup, made it to adulthood believing that. Pretty amazing to think I can even walk and chew gum, huh?

I am ALL FOR Lego pieces disappearing over night, but I’d prefer if they disappeared before I stepped on them in the middle of the night. I have created lots of new swear words after finding them with my bare feet.

At least the person “inDICKted” hadn’t used his tool. Then the word might just be perfect!

HAHA! I had to look up those lyrics to see what Taylor was REALLY singing:
“I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 22!”
But I like your version much better! In fact, I’d like to feel like “22 IN a swimsuit!” Back when jiggles were in all the right places! :)

Ha! Phoebe Buffet IS awesome!
And I’ll forgive you for not knowing the Buffet Boys since you don’t live in America.
I don’t know who Curtis Stoger is so I Googled his name — and Google couldn’t find him. Google asked, “Did you mean Curtis Stigers?”
Apparently Curtis Stigers is a singer-songwriter whose 1991 song “I Wonder Why” hit #5 in the UK.
So IS there some guy named Curtis STOGER that you thought was Michael Bolton’s brother — or did you actually mean Curtis STIGERS?
If the latter, then you actually made a MISTAKE in your comment about MAKING a MISTAKE, which would make me love you more than I already do!

omg – I love this! I do this all the time. And I do it with song lyrics too. I am one mixed up chick. Glad to hear I’m not alone! haha Now I’m gonna think of Warren Buffet every time I hear Margaritaville.Linda Roy recently posted..10 Really Stupid Product Names

Songs get mutilated all the time. Seriously, why is there a bathroom on the right? (Bad moon on the rise) Pronunciation? Oh good lord! Hyper Bole. kid: “Um, mom? I think that is pronounced hyper bowl ie” Me: “huh? well of course it is, but if you say it like it is written you will be able to spell it correctly!”

My earliest memory of this? Harold and the Purple Crayon. Giant. Pronounced by my as Guy ant. I was learning to read, and fortunately I did fall in love with it…

I never thought I’d ever have anything good enough to comment…. until today.
1) My husband and I went to a local diner that was offering crab legs on the buffet… not to be confused with the Buffets above. The waitress asked if we needed crackers. We said no, because who eats crackers at a buffet? After we got the crab legs, we had to call her back… to get us some crackers to crack the crab legs. Not our brightest moment.
2)We love Ice, Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice. We sing along and act like we know the words. The first time we were singing along together, my husband belts out “Detroit Ave!!”, all full of himself. Now, I was not sure of the street name, but I knew that was wrong. At that time we were on our way to Florida and while we were there we drove on A1A Beachfront Ave… and that is when we realized the correct street name. But of course, we ALWAYS sing Detroit Ave as loud as we can.

Angela, so glad you commented! I love your comment “not to be confused the Buffets above” – ha!
And I would have reacted the exact same way you did: Crackers? We don’t need no stinkin’ CRACKERS! We’re at a BUFFET, baby, we’re going for the good stuff! Like the crab legs. Oh wait, how do you open these crab legs? Oh. I see. YEP, guess we need those CRACKERS!

I love Ice, Ice Baby too! And I will now belt out Detroit Avenue in solidarity with your husband! HA!

When I was little (maybe 4), I went to the pharmacy with my mother. There was a rack of those medical alert tags and I asked my mom what they were. She was usually really good about explaining things, but I guess she was in a hurry that day because she said “they keep people from dropping dead on the street.” So, being too young to think this was ridiculous, I assumed that they had just a little bit of life stored in them somehow, and wondered why everyone didn’t have one.

I can’t compete with the post and comments – laughing my fool head off here! My mistakes tended to be things I read and never heard spoken, also. Words like Penelope (I thought it rhymed with cantelope) and Gina (I thought it was the same as va … you know) but I never had a chance to say them out loud until after I knew the right pronunciation … lucky for me but not half the fun!

To jenny_o: Oh, you are SO LUCKY you never said those things out loud. I said “FO-BO” (“when two vowels go walking the first one does the talking and says its long name”) for Phoeboe. Wasn’t she in Catcher in the Rye?

I was once hanging out with a couple of good friends watching Stephen Colbert, when one of the friends, who is normally very intelligent, suddenly piped up, “You guys, I’m starting to suspect that Stephen Colbert might actually be a Democrat!” The other friend and I laughed hysterically, and I of course have been kind enough to tease her about it ever since.

Right? That’d be pretty cool — give a speech to Wall Street about NASDAQ in the morning, then rock out with the Parrotheads at a concert that night! If I ever meet Warren, I’m gonna ask him to sing Margaritaville!

I’m actually not that embarrassed by it, but I spent more than 40 years thinking that the Moody Blues song was about a bunch of guys who’d been recognized by a monarch for their bravery and good deeds riding around in outfits made out of a very shiny fabric the color of snow. Then I found it it was NIGHTS in White Satin. Not Knights in White Satin. Really?qwertygirl recently posted..My Shopping Fantasy

Most of my embarrassing moments happen when I’m drunk, so I normally forget all about them. Thankfully, cell phones weren’t so ubiquitous back then. Jimmy Buffet. Lol.Don recently posted..Winning a routine call for crazy…

So, Jr high, in class, we had the word “heir” on the list of spelling words. I was in..erm..”special” classes, so they were up on the board like in elementary school. One girl asked what the word was, and I was in a historical romance phase plus I was always a big reader so I came across the word a few times, I knew what it meant but I thought it was pronounced “hair” so I go all smarty-pants with my nose stuck in the air and go “It’s HAIR like HAIR to the throne! and the teacher goes. “Actually, it’s “AIR” D:

HAHAH I love it! I have some of those too. For years, I pronounced “placate” as “play-sate” rather than “play-kate” and still don’t say it very often because I’m not 100% sure which is right. Also I thought capers were fish eggs for years until my dad made me look them up. So funny, Darcy!!Kristi Campbell recently posted..If I Were President of All of The Things

I was on the phone with my best friend one day and she told me that the next day in her daughter’s pre school was “T” day, so every child had to bring something starting with the letter “T.” I asked her what she was bringing and she told me a pterodactyl. I paused and then told her that pterodactyl started with the letter “P” not “T”. By the end of our LONG conversation (which included her googling the word, just to prove me wrong) I wished I had just let her go and make a fool of herself ;)

I’ll admit to “grandiose.” This is a ridiculous word and shouldn’t exist. Yes, yes, yes. I WILL admit that I thought my HS boyfriend was stupid (4.2 GPA, BioChem double major) for pronouncing it the way it’s spelled when in my 16-year-old mind (2.5 GPA, still no college degree) it was a French word pronounced “grand-wah.” It wasn’t until I told my parents how totally STUPID my boyfriend was for pronouncing it so AMERICAN that I realized I was the totally stupid one. It took them a full 10 seconds of staring at me trying to figure out what was wrong with it before they burst out laughing. That was 17 years ago. Think I’ve lived it down? Nope.

Omigod, that is HYSTERICAL! I can just see you explaining what a knucklehead HE is — HA!
And I LOVE your French pronunciation because let’s face it, if someone’s acting all “grandiose” – then maybe it SHOULD be pronounced all fancy like “grand-wah!”

My mom constantly makes us laugh with the way she butchers titles. Movies, books, you name it. One day she was telling us about this funny movie. “You know, 10 ways to lose a guy you just got.” When we all just stared at her she told us all the actors and the the plot and we realized it was “How to lose a guy in 10 days.”

Ohhh girl, you crack me up! This is EXACTLY like something I would do!!! My daughter has also come up with some dumb stuff …like thinking California is in the same time zone as Florida. When she was once watching a live football game, she said it had to be a repeat because the game took place in Calif.—and it was still light there— whereas in Florida where we were watching it on TV, and it was dark out. She had no idea what Pacific time was…..and she was sixteen!!!

When I was growing up in Greece in the 80’s, importing of produce was highly regulated, in order to protect the local producers. One of the products that suffered from that policy was bananas: apparently my small country produces a small amount of equally small and miserable bananas, therefore it was illegal to import any more of them (I swear I hadn’t seen any of those little locally-grown mofos until last summer that we took a vacation in Crete, the only place in Greece that bananas are produced. They are as small and miserable as I always imagined them.). So, my generation had a pretty much banana-less childhood, when the only way to acquire the forbidden yellow fruit was either (a) from the gypsies, who sold them off the trunks of minivans parked on the sides of highways, just like crack (and costed about as much as crack too), or (b) when someone brought some from a trip to a foreign country where bananas were legal (which was the rest of the world I suppose). Now, one of the most common countries for Greeks to travel back when foreign travel was not so widespread, was Germany, where many people have friends and family due to the immigration wave of the 60’s. And what’s a better gift to bring back to the children in your life from your latest trip to Germany than some bananas (which, due to their scarcity, had acquired in our childish minds the value and status of the most delectable candy), right? So… to bring this story to an end… for most of my childhood (may I say 10+ years old…? Ehem…), I honestly believed that bananas grow in Germany.

Wow! That’s amazing! I’d never suspect that a common item like a banana would be in such high demand, due to the heavy regulations!
Truly a “forbidden” fruit! With that upbringing, it makes perfect sense that you thought bananas were German! :o)
That’s so cool that people would bring them back as gifts when they traveled outside Greece. Here in the US, it’s considered a delicacy if someone brings you chocolate from Belgium or cigars from Cuba — perhaps we should add bananas from Germany to the list! Ha!

My mom was an English teacher in a rural Upstate New York school district. A family from Viet Nam moved to the district, so on the weekends, my mom would bring the boys to our house so they could practice learning English. Once I brought out a children’s dictionary with pictures, and started going through it with one of the boys. We got to a page where people were picking [something] out of trees. I told him it was peanuts (because the picture looked like people were picking peanuts from the trees!) The boy jumped up and frantically started talking to his brothers. They all looked at the picture, and shook their heads. Then they ran to the kitchen and asked my mom, “Is it true! In America, peanuts grow on trees?! In Viet Nam, they grow in the ground!” My mother said, “Of course peanuts grown in the ground! What are you talking about?” They showed my mom the picture, and what I told them. After that I wasn’t allowed to teach them English. But, in my defense, Upstate New York is too cold to grow peanuts, so I had no idea how they grow.