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A friend of mine contacted me yesterday to catch up. We got to talking about this feeling of wanting to escape, to run away. It was funny that he broached this with me as I’d been feeling restless in my current home town and was seriously thinking about up and leaving for the umpteenth time.

Are we attempting to run away from ourselves? Or, is this nomadic tendency simply a part of our nature to be embraced? Maybe we will never settle and we will learn to blow with the wind. We discussed this and came to the conclusion that either way, we were in need of some serious inner reflection. ‘But I’m tired of all the internal digging’ I thought. Money and security are largely what keep us glued to the familiar but that’s a whole other article!

After several tumultuous years of hardship living in London, I had finally found my sanctuary. This was the answer. I had built a beautiful home in the countryside and this was my life now. I was finally happy. But before long the familiar pattern began to emerge. I began fantasizing about a new life in Devon; after all my other half is going to live there for three months to do a course so why not save ourselves twice the outgoings and have an adventure together? Or maybe I could use this as an opportunity to go traveling on my own? We have no kids or mortgage after all.

I feel pulled to do something new. We moved here having had no friends or family nearby. After just fifteen months I’ve seen all it has to offer. I’ve tasted the flavour of the local community and somehow I don’t feel like I fit. I’ve enjoyed walking on its hills but somehow I feel suffocated living inside the depths of a valley. Our neighbors are lovely but we are just not on the same wavelength. We’ve never exchanged more words than awkward pleasantries, frequently bumping into one another on our shared driveway.

And I’ve tried.

I have a longing to connect with like-minded people. The kinds of people who don’t give me a vacant and slightly concerned stare when I speak about my work. The kinds of people who don’t mind the blurred line between reality and a healthy imagination. The kinds of people who are guided by their heart and not their fears.

My logical brain kicks in. Surely it’s better to be a beacon of light in a place that needs it rather than in a place that feels more comfortable? An awakening world needs nurses and care givers and healers and artists to spread their message of hope throughout it. The towns and cities and organizations that operate on fear tactics and outdated authoritarianism need to be weeded out. Bullying and conflict is rife as this polarization of feminine and masculine energy comes to a peak.

Women are learning that they don’t need to be too nice or too sweet to maintain a fierce compassion for their planet and the people on it. Men are learning that it is not a sign of weakness to care or to cry or to act or speak from their heart on issues previously deemed too uncool.

Whichever space we currently occupy is where we learn and grow or stagnate and become complacent. It is our job to use the time spent in a toxic work environment or stale marriage wisely by taking all of its lessons. To nip bullying in the bud or end a failing relationship by confronting it as a matter of urgency with our new found empowerment and self love.

Consequently after doing everything within our scope of control we can then make a decision whether or not to bolt. It is our duty to ourselves to notice stagnation or irritation and use it as a catalyst for change and an irresistible pull towards the next chapter.

I have gently carved out a plan for all eventualities so that when the time comes, I will navigate my way with grace. My body is my compass, I just need to listen.

About the author: Laura Midgley is a musician and healer based in Yorkshire, UK.

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