Trust and Deceit

Almost everyone professes to be honest, to value honesty. But if everyone truly practices what they professes, then why are there so many lies staring us in the face?

Lies and damn lies — they are what make the world go round. And I’ve been too naïve not to know it. Too stupid to insist on speaking the truth, when the way to getting through the maze of life is to say what people want to hear.

To say things in spite of your convictions.

To flatter people even if you don’t believe in what you are saying.

Why did I let the shell I so carefully built around me be broken by the sweet voice of the angel of pretense? Why did I take the seemingly soft and reliable hand offered to me when every sense of my being was shouting “beware?”

I should have heeded my instinct. “Angels are too good to be true.”

I should have listened to reason. “You love logic; be logical.”

But I didn’t and now I am here. I trusted and now I’ve just been proven wrong. Why did I choose to throw away caution when I knew it is the only thing that is reliable both in good times and in times of trouble?I should have known better.

I should have never lowered my guard.

My whole being still aches. I think I need to put back a layer of the protective shell I carelessly removed.

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//Sherma E. Benosa; 22 November 2007; 2:05am

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4 comments on “Trust and Deceit”

laughlikepontianak

March 3, 2008

Hi Sherma, what you wrote regarding this is close to my heart too…. It hurts so much… To trust and be betrayed… then learn to trust n be betrayed again! It hurts to not be able to trust! The pain is worse than any bruise on the shin.

Cocooning is not a solution to protect oneself from the realities of life. It may serve as a temporary refuge (like the larvae of a butterfly) while you are young, tender and vulnerable. But then, you need to grow up, not necessarily grow old, and explore the world.

Trust and deceit always come in duo, like yin and yang, heaven and earth, life and death to balance our being and become a better person. They are tools for us to identify the better side of life. We can never know ‘sweet’ if we don’t know ‘bitter’. How can we love if we cannot hate?

Remember this: Life is like a diamond. The more they get fired up, the more perfect they become.

Break down and burry your ‘shell’ Buddy. It’s time to fly and start sticking your finger and find the sweetest honey you deserve.

Laughlikepontianak, I agree. It feels bad when you are betrayed by someone whom you had thought to be a good friend, whom you thought to love you as you love him/her. The pain is incomparable, and indeed, it’s difficult to get to trust again.

I hope your pain will eventually ease, and that you’ll eventually find someone who is worthy of your trust. Hang on in there, friend. Soon, you’ll come out of the abyss… probably bruised, but hopefully stronger. 🙂 Good luck.

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Hello Buddy! You know the answer to the first question. Wink! Wink!

Wow! What a very insightful post you left here. Thank you so much. Yes, you are right about that. It’s not healthy to stay cocooned forever. One needs to be able to come out to the world and fight, withstand and/or prevail over the storms that come one’s way. One cannot fully live without taking the risks, enduring the pains, and going to battles.

We cannot always choose what’s safe because to do so is to forego the good things only the risk takers can hope to have. Like love. Like success. Like happiness.

But then, when you are wounded in a battle, it’s also prudent that you seek a shelter and nurse your wound, so you could regain your strength, analyze what went wrong, ponder the lessons you should have learned, prepare for another battle, and so on.

So I say there are times when the right thing to do is to get into our cocoons. We just have to remember not to stay there too long.

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