Welcome back, fellow hamster lovers! It's the premiere of Big Brother 16,
aka the unofficial start of summer. I could not be more excited to
spend the next three months of my life obsessively following every
single move of the 16 new HGs as they face all of the new twists and
turns the Chenbot can throw at them. I hope you'll join me.

The first big change of Big Brother 16 is a two-night Move-In event. Half of the HGs move in tonight and the other half tomorrow, and there will be two HoHs. Things are going to get quite complicated.

BUT FIRST...welcome to Big Brother 16!

Meet the First 8

Paola: She's a spicy D.J. who wants to manipulate all of the guys, even the uggos.

Donny: He's a simple groundskeeper and looks like he's from Duck Dynasty.

Cody: He's a hot shirtless soccer player.

Frankie: He's Ariana Grande's brother and clearly has a desperate need to always be the center of attention.I'm already exhausted. He's also a Belieber. Sigh.

Amber: She's an outdoorsy model.

Nicole: She's a tractor-riding small-town girl and a super fan who watches the live feeds. She needs a cuddle partner because she's scared of ghosts.

Devin: He's a big, strong former baseball player who loves his young daughter.

Joey: She's a super liberal make-up artist.

Moving In

Donny is instantly overwhelmed and playing up the "Aw, shucks, I ain't never been to the big city" charm.

Nicole geeks out. Frankie and Joey instantly bond over their dyed hair. Once the madness settles, they realize that there's a big mystery since there are only eight of them and 16 seats at the table.

Paola asks everyone to call her "Pow-Pow" and Cody is into it. Frankie is worried that Paola is a D.J. and might know that his sister is Ariana Grande.

Pow-Pow and Frankie are both in love with Cody. Meanwhile, Amber loves the tall, dark and handsome Devin, but Devin is into Joey. I did not see that coming. Finally, Nicole and Donny bond over being small-town folks.

Surprisingly, they all tell the truth about their jobs. However, I'm confused because Frankie says he's 28, but the official CBS press release says he's 31.

The First Alliances

Devin organizes everyone to form a solid alliance between all eight of them no matter what. Yeah, the newbies tried to do the same thing in season 13 and that failed immediately. They still call themselves the Crazy 8s. To celebrate their alliance, Frankie, Cody and Devin take off their shirts and do sit-ups.

Devin then trusts Donny 100 percent and creates a side alliance with him, because no one will expect it. Jesus, we're not even 30 minutes in and Devin already has TWO alliances, the Crazy 8s and the Double Ds (for Devin and Donny).

Pow-Pow, however, wants an all-girl alliance, so she gets Joey, Amber and Nicole to team up in order to stop the inevitable dude alliance of Frankie and Cody. Pow-Pow names them El Quatro in order to prove that women can work together. I'll believe it when I see it, but it seems I was right in predicting a Lady Brigade with Paola and Joey.

Sigh. That makes THREE formally named alliances already.

Pow-Pow is wary of being in a showmance, but she desperately wants to jump into bed with Cody. Is Cody going to be the Yoko Ono of El Quatro?

The First HoH Coimpetition

Julie tells the Crazy 8s that one of them will be the first HoH. She
adds that the HoH will NOT be completely safe, which drives everyone
crazy. Me too, because this is just lessening the power of the HoH even
more. They all freak out and speculate.

They go outside in their swimsuits for a beach-themed HoH competition where they hold onto a kite and balance on a rotating beam. The last person standing wins. It's identical to the bull-riding HoH competition from last year that GinaMarie won.

Pow-Pow is out first.Joey is out second.Nicole is out third.

At this point Amber is the last hope for El Quatro, but all Pow-Pow can focus on are Cody's lickable abs. I'm not sure what kind of powerful feminist message she hopes to make with her all-girl alliance if all she does is pine after a hot boy.

The beams stops and starts rotating the other way, which is always when things fall apart.

Donny is out fourth.Devin is out fifth.

The Double Ds are down!

Cody is out sixth.

At this point, because the HoH isn't necessarily safe, Amber throws it.

Amber is out seventh.

Frankie is the first HoH!

But he's freaking out because he has no idea what twists are ahead and begs the Crazy 8s to have his back.

The Twists Explained

Julie then tells the Crazy 8s about the new twist. Another group of eight HGs will enter the house and one of them will be a second HoH. But at the end of the week, only one HoH will be left standing. That's all she tells them and HoH Frankie is even more confused and worried.

Julie then tells us about Team America. Viewers got to vote for who we wanted to form an alliance with. That person will join two other HGs who we will vote on over the next two weeks in a secret three-person alliance inside the house who we will control. Huh, that's weird. I'll need to find out more before I make a judgment. But what if the first person we voted on (who is almost certainly Frankie) gets evicted before the Team America Alliance goes into effect?

Tomorrow night on Big Brother 16: We'll meet the other eight HGs, one of them will become the second HoH, Julie will explain more about the twists and we'll find out the first member of Team America.

I';m guessing that the Battle of the Block, which is the new competition that will debut this Sunday, will decide which of the two HoHs is the real HoH, and my prediction is that the loser automatically gets put up as a third nominee.

Come back Thursday at 9pm for part 2 of the Move-In. Because of this two day event, the live feeds won't actually start until after tomorrow's episode.