Posts Tagged With: Personal Growth

I’ve read biographies on Georgia O’Keeffe. But this is different. You might think because this is a novel it’s a poof piece. It’s not. The author portrays the relationship between O’Keeffe and her patron-photographer-husband Alfred Stieglitz from the first enchantment to its lingering disintegration. It’s written from the painter’s perspective. While no one can ever get completely inside someone else’s head, it’s evident that Dawn Tripp has done the extensive research necessary that makes the book plausible. Believable. This is essentially a book about the precise care and manipulation Stieglitz gave to the creation of O’Keeffe’s public persona from the point she was moldable to when she was not. It’s a story laid against the backdrop of their great talents and marriage—the play between Steiglitz’s control and O’Keeffe’s internal conflict. It’s about the position women were historically placed and their treatment … and how this woman claimed her rightful recognition as one of the greatest American artists. Perhaps there’s an argument that O’Keeffe wouldn’t have made it there without Stieglitz. But I don’t find merit in it. She was a force all her own.

As an artist myself I appreciate the way the author wrote from an artist’s sensitivities on the form. That, too, made the book believable.

…It occurs to me now that art is exactly this: making what’s unseen but all around, visible. Having that sort of faith…

And it pained me to read what she wrote of O’Keeffe going blind. She enlists the gardener’s help:

…to lead my left hand onto the first sheet of paper… He leaves and I’m alone. I paint shapes—a wave, a circle—the circle slides like grace over the page. I make forms that echo those early abstract forms I made when I was no one, and it occurs to me that art is a separate country, outside the body, outside time, like death or desire, an element beyond our physical selves we are traveling toward…

People are often surprised when I say that I’m an introvert. They’re fooled by the fact that I’m articulate, do public speaking, work with groups and engage socially. They assume that I’m an extrovert. I can do the things I do because I’ve arranged my lifestyle to support my biological make-up and preferences. I love to engage when they’re things I care about deeply—BUT I retreat to regenerate myself. Whether you lean toward introversion or extroversion primarily has to do with how you expend your energy and the way you renew it.

However, our culture values extroversion. There must be something wrong if you’re not talking: You’re secretive, have nothing of value to contribute and probably not so bright.

As a child there were countless times when I heard I was “too quiet.” Not by my parents, who are also introverts, but mostly by teachers, causing me to retreat even further into my inner world. As a teenager, it was even more hurtful, especially when it came from friends. All that input translates to: You’re not good enough. It haunted me for a long time.

Indeed, your biggest challenge may be to fully harness your strengths. You may be so busy trying to appear like a zestful, reward-sensitive extrovert that you undervalue your own talents, or feel underestimated by those around you. But when you’re focused on a project that you care about, you probably find that your energy is boundless. – From Quiet.

Later in life I have often been called “intense” as though something is wrong with that as well. But by the time I heard it the first time I’d begun to value my own sensibilities and could translate the meaning to “passion.” And the years I worked in a corporate environment…meetings were my most dreaded activity. Those who were most vocal blathered on saying nothing. It was an effort for me to keep in my seat. I wanted to jump out of my skin and flee.

Author Susan Cain has gotten a lot of play in the media since Quiet was published in 2012. It’s been on the bestseller list for many weeks running. Nevertheless, I didn’t know about it until I was perusing my local library for CD books to accompany me on a recent road trip to Utah.

I’m writing this review for those who missed this important book like I did. Whether you’re more introverted or extroverted, Quiet contains highly useful information for valuing both preferences. It also contains data on biological differences and distinctions of introversion. If you’re an introvert, it cites numerous studies and other pointers that will validate your value. If you’re an extrovert, it will help you understand the many introverts around you. I was horrified at one story about two extroverted parents who sought psychiatric intervention and medication for their introverted child. When one psychiatrist found the child to be normal the parents moved on for the next opinion.

My most transformative experiences have never happened in groups. That said, there is extraordinary energy that builds when groups entrain to strong spiritual intent, kickstarting a process of opening. Then integration comes through balancing the internal and external. That is the premise underlying any retreats and spiritual travel programs I sponsor.

The highly sensitive [introverted] tend to be philosophical or spiritual in their orientation, rather than materialistic or hedonistic. They dislike small talk. They often describe themselves as creative or intuitive. They dream vividly, and can often recall their dreams the next day. They love music, nature, art, physical beauty. They feel exceptionally strong emotions–sometimes acute bouts of joy, but also sorrow, melancholy, and fear. Highly sensitive people also process information about their environments–both physical and emotional–unusually deeply. They tend to notice subtleties that others miss–another person’s shift in mood, say, or a light bulb burning a touch too brightly. – From Quiet.

The quote below was quite interesting to me. Such practices don’t just occur in Evangelicalism. I’ve personally had experience of being expected to utter prayers and entreaties out loud while in sweat lodge and other ceremonies, although not as common. I remember the first time it happened I was shocked at the intrusion on my privacy in a spiritual setting. To me, such things are so sacred they’re not pronounced aloud. Of course, the leaders didn’t see it as an affront. Now, if such a thing occurs, I pass to those who want to speak these things out loud and remain comfortable with my own way.

Evangelicalism has taken the Extrovert Ideal to its logical extreme…If you don’t love Jesus out loud, then it must not be real love. It’s not enough to forge your own spiritual connection to the divine; it must be displayed publicly.

There is a compilation of quotes for the book on Goodreads. Ultimately, this is the teaching of the book.

We know from myths and fairy tales that there are many different kinds of powers in this world. One child is given a light saber, another a wizard’s education. The trick is not to amass all the different kinds of power, but to use well the kind you’ve been granted.

There’s also an excellent TED talk by Susan Cain giving an overview. Quiet is available on Amazon and elsewhere in print, ebook and audiobook.

I must have given him a blank look at the time, being so in my head as I was. It took me a while, but I finally caught on. It’s been my focus ever since to follow a path of integration. Not losing my mind completely though, I find that it does serve me in certain ways to navigate this culture.

It’s more about losing the smallness the habitual conscious mind often demands. It provides rationalizations that can keep us in our “place” through habit; or the part of us that wants to control—which we all have to some degree—that loves the hard edges of logic and facts. We miss so much if we think things must be seen and known in order to believe they exist.

There’s an aspect within any of us that generates resistance when we consider a larger life than the one we’ve been living, to align fully with the Core Self. That’s because we’d step outside boundaries, ways that are known. That’s a normal response. But it’s only through opening to what is out of habit that we move beyond what has held us back, grow and discover what’s possible.

No invention or transformative process has ever come from thinking inside the box.

My work is with folks who want to live through their deeply held values. A while back I was mentoring someone right upon the threshold, ready to move into transition. She knew the direction she needed to go. Yet, a part of her was petrified; she literally felt frozen in her body, unable to make a decision. We used a process that moved her into the reality she envisioned in order to try it out, well beyond all her worries. As she “looked back in time” she said, “Why was I so scared? Make it all such a big deal? It seems like nothing now.” With the portal established, she took the option her heart told her to take.

If we make decisions through the Core Self, where spiritual values and intent reside, choices are always pure. No subterfuge. No rationalization. Only what speaks of compassion, integrity and unconditional being. Only what’s most beneficial for all concerned and contains clarity.

For me, it’s about following energy. It’s a felt sense. This is the part about losing my mind. I recognize when I’m once again at a crossroads, which can happen in any moment, and the true direction beckons. It’s compelling. I know it holds truth, even if I can’t put it into words. This is so whether it has to do with my work or personal life. The part about using my mind comes in very handy with grounding things into everyday reality, strategies to put something in place. I believe in integration—not either/or.

Interchangeably, I may refer to this portal to CosmicConsciousness as the Infinite, Core Self, intent or place of the heart. You’ll have your own reference. It’s a felt sense of interconnection with All That Is. You develop the alliance by becoming your own Witness—gently catching yourself, fine-tuning your beliefs and resulting actions—then losing your mind to integration with the heart’s wisdom. And repeat the process until there’s no need…because we’re human.

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Note from Carla: If you find yourself consistently bumping up against blocks or clarity has taken a vacation, take a look at Navigating Your Lifepath. For over a decade, folks have made significant positive shifts in their lives using my program—and kept the changes.

Dreams are usually pushed aside—meaningless, inconsequential snippets of brain junk that visit us in the night when our defenses are down. Don’t be so fast to dismiss them. Under certain conditions, they are only too relevant. If you don’t pay attention, then you miss the message and actual guidance.

When I’m mentoring people I suggest they be aware of their dreams in the course of our work together. Most say they don’t remember them at all, or they slip away so quickly it’s like grasping at clouds. The same is true for me. However, when I’m in the midst of deep transformation, dreams become more than memorable. They’re emblazoned on my consciousness and part of my evolutionary process. This is also true for those who enlist me to help guide their process.

I take time in the beginning of our session for a check-in, an opportunity for folks to relay insights or things that have come up since the last time. What emerges is often a direct communication from the unconscious on where to focus—and we hit pay dirt. Here’s a case in point. I’m changing the name to protect my client’s privacy. Grace said she’s happy to have her story shared in case it helps someone.

At the tail end of our check-in, Grace mentioned she’d had a dream that morning. She spoke about “not getting up right.” I immediately noticed her agitation. She told the small pieces she remembered and added that the dream had awakened her, leaving her disoriented and angry. Strong emotions were evident as she spoke. She said she felt betrayed. I was clear this was a message from a part of her we had been working with that was now ready to release a pattern. With permission, I stabilized the bodily felt sensations attached to the emotions in order to use them as guidance, going back to the originating occurrence. Almost immediately, she returned to the age of two awakening in a similar manner as the dream but with emotions that were intense. I’m going to preserve the details of the situation but will offer this. The incident wasn’t a severe trauma in the way we might think of it. However, it was traumatic in the sense of a two-year-old perceiving no options, feeling trapped. That perception had affected her all her life in ways that held her back and kept her stuck. The dream was the message that allowed us to reframe the past incident and open a future toward freedom of movement and options that she’s not experienced before. She later told me that she knew about that incident, hadn’t thought of it in a long time, and hadn’t seen it important. Obviously, a part of her did.

In many Native traditions, dreams are interchangeable with daily reality. One bleeds over to the other. Children learn how to behave in their dreams without their parents teaching them. Medicine people receive their calling. Ritual musicians learn to play their instruments. Weavers receive requests from saints for new vestments. Warnings come. All of these things are received through dreams and given relevance.

“For me, it started like this. When I was thirteen years old I had a dream. I was walking through my village like I was going somewhere, and I needed to be there fast. But every place I passed, it wasn’t the place I was supposed to be. Then suddenly the road wasn’t dirt anymore. It turned into a creek, and I was floating along, being taken with the waters. But it was gentle. I wasn’t afraid. I could see there were many fish in the creek swimming all around me. And still the water took me past many houses. My mother was there when I went by, and she smiled at me. I saw my grandmother, too, and other women. More and more came and stood by the banks of the creek as I floated by, until I was no longer in my village.” Her eyes grew moist.

“Something woke me up then. I opened my eyes. And the room was glowing—a beautiful blue! I wanted to tell my sisters, but I saw they were asleep. And then in the corner of the room, I saw a woman in a long dress. But it was hazy, like I was seeing her underwater. Her hair was wrapped in a cloth. There was white light all around her and when she moved, this light moved. She came over to my bed right there and reached out her hand like she would touch me. And the light came from her hand, and I felt it with my whole body, like such a love came to me that I have never felt. I feel it now when I tell you this. And we stayed like that, she and I, for what seemed to be a long time. Still my sisters slept. And I knew something was happening just for me. Slowly she disappeared, and then the blue glow left. It was just the bedroom again.”

Doña Flora’s eyes shone, her face serene. Her body radiated, the very act of recounting her calling activated a luminescence that only became stronger with the silence she now held. Tears leapt from Sybilla’s eyes but, transfixed, she didn’t reach to wipe them away. After a time, Doña Flora shifted in her chair and spoke softly, “Yes, this is how it first happened.”

Now, an interesting thing happened related to this excerpt. Shortly after I’d written this chapter a well-known Wisdom Keeper came to stay in my home for a few days. Over breakfast, she recounted how her calling came, very similar to the waking dream that I had written, down to the blue glow. The synchronicity is astounding to me. I also believe that, sometimes, the dream is relayed through writing, just another channel.

Over the years, the night dreams I remember have served me well. They’ve foretold a path I’d take, attempted to warn me off another and repeatedly kept me on track. They’ve lent metaphoric meaning to the past and future in ways my conscious mind doesn’t always grasp but a deeper aspect does. When they’ve chosen to show themselves in a way that I can recall, they serve as allies on a path that is sometimes invisible.

We need to be intuitive enough to heed the guidance and the way it points. The dream is the reality.

***

What are some ways you’ve received important messages in your dreams? I invite you to share them in the comments space below.

One of the biggest challenges fiction writers have is to breathe life into the characters of their stories, to make them believable. This is particularly true if your book is character-driven. You want readers to connect with the story and those in it, to love or hate them. A reader of my latest book Portals to the Vision Serpent wrote to say how she couldn’t stand Sybilla, who features prominently in the novel—until she really understood her. Then she had great empathy. Even if the book is plot-driven, you want the characters’ actions to make some level of sense from their standpoint.

We all have a specialized, individual template that we live by. Here’s a quick review on how that happens. Your brain codes experiences you have. The original coding usually takes place early in life. The coding becomes your perceptions, which translates to the beliefs you have about yourself, others, the world in general, and what’s possible. This template also becomes the filter through which you experience your life. You develop strategies for thinking and living that further reinforce the original beliefs—those that support and those that get in your way. When something significant happens to disrupt the old beliefs, things can shift dramatically.

Your characters are no different. Here’s a way to uncover their templates by “stepping into” different perspectives.

From your “self” position as the writer, note how you experience different characters: the nonverbal signals, the way they speak, your own response to them.

Now taking each character at a time, imagine you can slide right into their body, look out of their eyes, become them—rather than witnessing them—and answer these questions: What is their family of origin like? Based on what they unconsciously ingested then, how do they experience their own identity, who they are? Note the trickle down effect: What beliefs were generated? What about capabilities? Resulting actions? How they experience their environment? This way you can really get inside the hearts and minds of the characters.

Then step back. By being a detached observer you get additional valuable information. Given what you discovered about your individual characters, now you can really get a bead on important dynamics between the major players and incorporate them into your writing.

Antigua bells.Photo credit: Carla Woody

By using a method like this, you also invite your reader to tag along through your writing, to undergo the same discovery and identify with different characters playing out the human condition, no different than the rest of us. We are all who we are based upon where we’ve been. But when something of great enough significance interjects itself triggering a change in one character…it also affects the others in close proximity. That’s how things get shaken up; the story becomes so much more interesting; the characters can grow in various ways.

Of course, you can use what I’ve written here as a guideline to explore aspects of your own life, not just writing. This is a brief primer toward self-discovery and relationship dynamics that I use with clients as a springboard for transformation. I’ve adapted the content of this post from my mentoring program Navigating Your Lifepath, which guides folks on how to live through their deeply held values—and thrive.

What are ways you can imagine exploring perspectives would be useful to you? Let me know your ideas or experiences in the comments below.

Before I watched this documentary I thought it might be an interesting piece on wild parrots in an urban setting. It’s that but much more. Mark Bittner is a homeless man who began feeding the wild parrot flock around Telegraph Hill in San Francisco. Over time he was able to develop a relationship with the birds and cared for those who were injured or sick. He brought them into the small apartment where he was squatting until they were well, giving them names. Through the filmmaker’s lens, we’re able to experience their separate personalities. There’s Mingus, a cherry head, who loves to dance to the blues. And Connor with his quiet regal manner, a blue-crowned parrot in a flock of cherry heads, too many others to name here. I don’t want to give away too much.

At the heart of the story is how Mark found inner peace and his place in the world through service to the parrots. There may be a message for many of us in this poignant and inspiring film.

View short clips on You Tube. Available via Netflix, Amazon and elsewhere.

Periodically I offer retreats, an opportunity to create a parenthesis, a safe haven to cocoon, in order to create clarity of intent and direction without the “busyness” rewarded by our culture that can feed distraction. Sometimes we work in the area of family lineage. I’ll share with you the introductory paragraphs of the process sheet I give participants as one approach in this area.

There exists a collective unconscious—a field of information—in your family line; what is passed down in underlying knowledge and expression through generations.

History/Herstory. Her story. His story. Your story.

Now is an opportunity to bring to consciousness what was unconscious. Witness. Inquire. Reflect. To choose what is yours—your own heartbeat and what of your lineage aligns to it.

Marking out space on the floor as a timeline, you have those who came before you—your ancestors—and those who came from you—your descendants. We all leave our fingerprints on others in ways wider than we might imagine, even if we have no biological offspring. Stepping back to witness interwoven connections over time can give a whole new meaning to your own personal choices in the present and what you can and do affect.

***

I have people work as partners, trading off once complete. The partner acts as a witness to the explorer’s process, also to document significant aspects and prompt questions. In this way, the discovery and its effect have depth.

First, they just observe from a point beside their lineage timeline. Then I invite them to walk beside the timeline and note their own responses and, when their body is drawn, to step onto the timeline and into the body/subtle energy field of that ancestor. I encourage them to do so even when it doesn’t make logical sense; an ancestor generations back isn’t even known to them. After “becoming” the ancestor these are some of the questions answered: What intelligence is communicated through posture, sensation or energy? What is the patterning? Is there a gift?

Usually the draw has to do with a vibratory resonance. Something within them has found a match in some way. The origins of a talent may be suddenly explained through this sort of inquiry. Or maybe the discovery of a detrimental pattern, having skipped a generation or two, but active in the present through the past, is now apparent. What are the stories that have been passed down through the family field of invisible information?

These new awarenesses are but seeds. From this place, answers to follow-on questions can emerge, and means of getting there can present themselves.

What are the gifts you’ve been blessed with that you wish to pass on?

What are any dreams that you’ve taken on that aren’t yours to live?

What are any wounds to be healed that are not yours to be borne?

As the reader, you might wonder how anything could come from this exercise. Here’s what I’ve found to be true through many years of guiding such inquiry and undertaking it myself. There’s something in play—during the parenthesis of a retreat—when we take off the overcoat of our everyday selves. Then an inner intelligence has a chance to take the lead, delve into areas usually not given notice and integrate the results into day-to-day thoughts and actions.

This particular line of inquiry is produced from the person’s own energy body, their resident field—not through analysis by the mind. In fact, if the everyday mind takes the lead in this process, the explorer will likely be hindered or stalled. Although, insight will be channeled to the mind through energy intelligence.

Whether it turns into conscious awareness or not isn’t really important from my standpoint. For those who are used to intellectual investigation, this pathway can be especially frustrating because they may not know what created the shift. But in the end, is that really important? Or is it more meaningful that life—after such a level of work – naturally evolves to include clarity and joy?

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Note: This process was inspired from NLP and the ground-breaking work of Virginia Satir and Bert Hellinger in family systems. Then it was further produced from inquiry into my own lineage and ongoing exploration into the ways of energy. If you’d like to know more about retreats go here or get in touch.

I would rather be a superb meteor, ever atom of me in magnificent glow,

than a sleepy and permanent planet. — Jack London

FulfillmentPhoto: Carla Woody

Spring is the perfect time to come to life—completely. There are those of you who have been itching to accelerate a breakthrough, and I want to do my part to support that process. As a gift to subscribers and Facebook friends, I’m offering a private retreat day at a deep discount. (Your intensive may also be divided into two sessions.) I have space in my calendar to engage with seven people over the next couple of months in this way. If you’re interested, get in touch: info@kenosis.net.

It’s my passion to mentor people through a process I went through myself and refined over twenty years to make it readily accessible to others. That’s why I’m making a special discounted offer of $897 ($1497 value) for seven people. Your personal intensive may be taken in person, via phone or Skype. This invitation is good until May 8 and must be taken by July 12.

Here’s an extra bonus: If you decide you need additional guidance, you can apply the retreat cost against Navigating Your Lifepath, my six month mentoring program. You can also read more about my own journey.

Why take the long way home? A well calculated shortcut is ever so much better.

If you fit the criteria above, I’d love to hear from you: info@kenosis.net. Be sure to act now! Lifepath Design Intensives are something I rarely offer due to other commitments. If you’re ready to work, then let’s do it, and it would be my honor.

Do you remember what it was like to be a young child when everything was new? Being awestruck by all that you saw, heard and felt? Did you pick things up and examine them closely, put them in your mouth? Play—no holds barred? Sing at the top of your lungs just to hear what your voice sounded like?

As the years unfold, most people become more and more comfortable with certainty—and forget to have the fresh perspective of a child. In fact, the older we are, the more afraid we are likely to be of uncertainty and even become stuck when something unforeseen happens. Paralysis occurs when we are fans of control.

But when spiritual evolution sends a calling card, if we acknowledge the invitation and accept, what we’re asking of ourselves is to let go. At that point, we find ourselves at a threshold, an urging at our back to move through it. Perhaps little may be seen in that beyond place, maybe nothing. Yet embracing the unknown is how we learn and grow.

Metaprograms and Change

From NLP, metaprograms define how we individually sort information and guide our thought process. Metaprograms predict our behaviors. Note that metaprograms often differ depending on context—relationship, work, etc.—and are a complex mix but easily determined through language patterns. All metaprograms are useful in some context and can be shifted if the orientation is causing an issue.

I’m going to zero in on a couple of metaprograms that I find have a lot to do with how we deal with change—and good to know if we’re contemplating transition. Below is a very brief summary that discusses the outer limits of a range. Most people have some mixture of both.

Toward/Away from: People with a “toward” orientation have their eyes locked on a goal—and go for it. They have blinders on and anticipate the pleasure of having what they want. Those with an “away from” orientation are focused on what they don’t want and avoiding pain. When asked what they want…they often have no idea.

Options/Procedures: People with an “options” mind set are excited by alternatives and possibilities. They love to explore and may do so endlessly. Those with a “procedures” orientation tend to think in black and white terms and love doing things step-by-step to completion. If the procedure is interrupted, they usually grind to a halt.

The Trapeze of Spiritual Travel

It’s natural for all of us to settle into a lifestyle over time and incur aspects of life that become familiar, whether they truly serve us or not. When we choose to “Enter the Forest” beyond the threshold, it involves uncertainty—stepping outside the environment that we’re used to—where we know what to expect, at least most of the time, of ourselves and others. It’s predictable. Those who will have the most emotional difficulty when faced with upheaval will be folks with paired, outer limit “away from” and “procedures” metaprograms. On the other side, those with paired, radical “toward” and “options” metaprograms may love the journey but have a challenge coming to a place of right fit and new-found foundation.

Danaan Parry’s parable “The Trapeze” really speaks to the balance between control and letting go in order to catch the next swing of the trapeze.

There’s also the need to invoke early childhood qualities we may have forgotten: curiosity, appreciation, courage and finally, discernment to determine what truly tastes and feels good. That way we discover what further nurtures us.

The process can be a truly mystical one if we allow it. We will be delivered to the other side, indeed, transformed on the way. And in the midst of letting go we can play with uncertainty—as an ally. We can trust in an age-old process, one learned well by high wire artists and children.

Terri Hanauer-Brahm wondered why her father refused to discuss his past and why her relatives were the same way. She uncovered a family secret that sent her on an odyssey of discovery. Out of her quest came a book: “The Hanauer Family: Before, During and After the Holocaust.” She will share with us what this journey has meant to her.

Carla Woody

The Lifepath Dialogues offer an invitation toward embodiment of all that is life-affirming and the deeper meaning of sustainability. Themes are drawn from books "Calling Our Spirits Home" and "Standing Stark" and 20+ years as a conscious living mentor leading spiritual travel journeys with Indigenous Wisdom Keepers serving their communities, group and individual programs. Carla specializes in working with people who seek to live through their deeply held values. For more info see the “About” tab. The author may be reached via cwoody@kenosis.net. Follow this blog by becoming a fan on the Kenosis Facebook page.

The Lifepath Dialogues Gatherings

Topics here are meant to open conversations and self-reflection. For more information, go to the "About" page.

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