Monica Lewinsky Still Lives Rent-Free in Hillary’s Head

LOS ANGELES – According to a renowned psychotherapist in California, Hillary Clinton’s hand gestures provide proof that, even all these years later, she still has Monica Lewinsky on the brain. The doctor chose to remain anonymous because she said she still enjoys breathing, and would prefer to not have her life snuffed out in an unfortunate accident. We’ll call her Dr. X.

“Hillary’s recurring oral sex gestures on the campaign trail suggest that she is still dealing with her insecurity over not being able to pleasure her husband as well as Ms. Lewinsky. This deficiency has left deep emotional scars that may never go away,” Dr. X speculated.

“The sexual gesture could be a very public but subliminal message to Monica, saying, ‘See, I can do this too!’ Or she may be taunting Ms. Lewinsky by suggesting, ‘You might have blown the President of the United States, but I may BE the President of the United States. So blow me!'”

Either way, it does seem that Monica is never far from Hillary’s thoughts. Dr. X concluded, “If you asked Hillary, she would give you the talking point answer, like she has a tickle in her throat. Or that she has some serious, underlying medical problem that’s none of our business. But, clearly, there is an oral fixation there. Make no mistake about it.”