Proof that social skills should be taught in a classroom

Setting the Frame for A Date

I love doing stuff all over the city. Whether it’s looking at really tall ships, participating in a massive pillow fight, exploring a wine tasting festival, or smoking a J at a hippie drum circle, I’m pretty much excited to do anything that involves a new experience. So if it’s something I’ve never done or seen before, or if it’s just something I know very little about, I’ll grab some friends (mostly girls) and go check it out. This is a very powerful way to live your life as it always means that you have new stories to tell, new pictures to show off, and makes for an enticing lifestyle to a woman.

What blows me away is that so few PUAs take advantage of the unique and interesting events that are happening all over their city at any given time, but especially during the summer or tourist months! If you check out any local news website or newspaper in your city you will find stuff going on all around you throughout the year that will make for very interesting activities for you and the women you meet in the field do to check out together. I keep my calendar in my phone loaded with every event or activity that I think would be a blast to go and experience (thank you Stylelife). This way, when I meet a girl and start seeding a date activity, I can just remember what’s coming up on my calendar and very quickly decide which event she would be most likely to join me for. And by having a whole bunch of different things to choose from, I can tailor the details of the activity a little depending on her personality.

Is she the well-behaved, “good clean fun” type? Get ice cream and go walk around at that fair that’s coming up. Is she the trouble-making type? Tell her to bring some rum for your slushies from a 7-eleven and go drunkenly check out the new monkey exhibit at the zoo (personally though, I love the llamas, they’re adorable). She’s never had her palm read? Well take her to that psychic expo that’s happening at the convention centre. There are so many opportunities in your city for adventure, you just need to search for them! Even if the event doesn’t sound like a fun place for a date, all it takes is a little creativity and calibration and you can make it the most interesting date she’s ever had!

These kinds of events make for an awesome date because they are fun and require very little investment (she doesn’t have to get dressed up, she can bring her friends if she wants, it’s in a safe public place, etc). They’re more fun than the typical coffee or movie date, and best of all? They’re usually cheap or even free!

And hell, even if you couldn’t bring anyone with you, go there and meet some new people. These kinds of events are AWESOME opportunities to practice your Day Game and are even better than malls since most people aren’t busily trying to get all their errands done.

The important thing about these kinds of light-hearted dates is the the vibe you have while out adventuring. This is especially important if it just happens to be you and your girl. I love the word adventure because I find it feels like that should be the way she describes it to her friends the next day. In fact, I’ll even say “Let’s go have an adventure” somewhere along the line while getting the day started. A lot of women, particularly younger women who are influenced by what their peers think, and especially women who are part of any type of social “scene” can sometimes reject an idea for an adventure because they are afraid of what their peer group will think of the fact that they participating in such an activity. But with the frame of “let’s just go experience something new and be adventurous” that whole problem pretty much just goes away. It’s not about the activity itself, it’s about the private little adventure that the two of you have together, even if that just means laughing at how silly or bizarre the event you’re at really is.

I really saw the importance of this first-hand the first time I brought a girl to the Much Music Video Awards (which is like a big concert thing they do right in the streets) here in Toronto. The lovely young lady friend of mine who also happened to love the goth scene and it was obvious right from the start that she wasn’t sure if this was a “cool” event to be at. The major performers were Mily Cyrus, Justin Beiber, and Katy Perry, so we were joking heavily about avoiding being trampled by rioting 14-year-olds trying to get to the stage. But it was something that happens every year in the city and neither of us had seen it so I had suggested we go check it out just to enjoy the sheer ridiculousness of it all.

What I found most interesting is that any time she became self-conscious at how silly the whole event really was she would immediately look to me to gauge my current emotional state. See, one of the reasons that women eye-code each other is to balance their emotional state. One will look to the other to see what she’s currently feeling, and then her emotional state will shift accordingly. So every now and then out of the corner of my eye, I’d notice this girl (no doubt unsure of whether or not she should be enjoying herself) turn to me with a straight face wondering whether I was having fun. Then when she saw that I was laughing and smiling she would light right up and suddenly be having just as much fun as I was. The difference was so obvious that I had a lot of difficulty pretending I didn’t notice it at first.

This was a kind of switch for me because the women I bring out on my adventures are usually more excited about what we’re getting up to than I am. And whenever something new happens, I have to explore it a little. So if she looked at me and I wasn’t smiling, she wouldn’t smile either. And then once I started smiling again, so would she. It was the Flame (as described in Revelations) at work: she was feeling the positive emotions that were caused by radiating warmth and fun and excitement through my vibe.

The moral of the story here, I think, is that a) if you don’t have a calendar full of events and new experiences to have, you need to get one, and b) even if an event sounds silly, the right attitude and an imaginative reframe can make it into a fun adventure. Always remember that enthusiasm is contagious. Smile and laugh and enjoy everything you see and your girls should do the same.