What David Gandy Thought of His Olympic Closing Ceremony Performance

The model and notedself-deprecator took the stage at the Games’ final event last night, the only guy to walk the runway with the likes of Kate Moss, Naomi Campbell, and Stella Tennant. On his British Vogue blog, Gandy wrote, “As I take the coach from the Olympic Village back into London, it’s still fairly surreal … It was the most amazing night but, until it sinks in, I probably can’t do it justice in words.” There, there — that’s okay! The Cut is so in sync with the Gandy Man that we can sense what’s going on in his head at any given moment. Click ahead to read what he was thinking during the festivities.

Photo: JEWEL SAMAD/AFP/GettyImages

“I can’t believe they picked me to walk in this strange, two-minute-long runway show. They should have chosen Harry Styles. He has such perfect hair, lips, and a great nose. I bet he can grow a full beard. God, I hope no one’s looking at me right now.”

Photo: DAMIEN MEYER/AFP/GettyImages

“Okay, David, you can do this. Just try to think about something else … like solving a math problem in your head. Maybe the Hodge Conjecture. You already know x is a compact complex manifold of complex dimension n. Now just evaluate the integral. Take the square root. Carry the one. I’m never going to figure this out. I’m not clever academically. I wouldn’t be doing this job if I were smart.”

“But, seriously, Jourdan, how does Naomi get her hair to be that perfect?”

Photo: JEWEL SAMAD/AFP/GettyImages

“I feel so covered up. Why did they make me wear this entire Paul Smith suit? I guess I’m as sparkly as Kate Moss is, but I should have at least gotten a Union Jack grill. I’m such an arse. My perfectionism makes everything difficult.”

Photo: GABRIEL BOUYS/AFP/GettyImages

“This is a pose I’ve been working on for some time now. Stefano says it really shows off my muscle definition, and Domenico holds me when I weep afterward.”

Photo: THOMAS COEX/AFP/GettyImages

“You’re doing it! You’re doing it! I’d like to thank my mum. She always taught me that beauty was on the inside, even when I was a bit of a porker on the rugby field. She knew I’d be on stage at the Olympic closing ceremony one day. She knew.”

Photo: Paul Gilham/Getty Images

“What? Billions of people are watching this? But I didn’t get to mention my iPhone app, the David Gandy Style Guide for Men. Bollocks!”