She’s defended Obamacare, earned a lifetime 100% rating from Planned Parenthood, and has a history of crossing the aisle to get shit done. She’s crappy on guns. She’s not great on environmental issues, because she’s looking out for her home state’s fossil fuel-driven economy, which is, after all, her job. She’s well-liked in North Dakota, because she listens to her constituents, and represents them well. She’s a moderate, and she’ll be the first one to tell you so. It’s a state Trump won by thirty-freakin’-five points, they’re not crying out for far-left politics.

I know Senator Heitkamp is not your favorite. But before you move on, I want you to read about her opponent. Honestly, we’re lucky to have any sort of Democrat in this particular seat. The choice this November is Heitkamp vs Cramer, and I would suggest to you that’s the starkest choice on the entire board.

I’ll be honest with y’all, I didn’t know anything whatsoever about Cramer before I started researching this entry; twenty minutes later, I’m almost projectile vomiting. This guy is one of the very worst people in the entire Republican Party, and I don’t say that lightly. He’s been proudly endorsed by open white supremacists. Fuck, even the Koch Brothers won’t support this turd.

I beg of you, do your part to keep this scumbag out of the United States Senate.

The Good Guy

Phil Bredesen

Phil Bredesen is a solar energy company chairman and a former Nashville Mayor and Tennessee Governor with an admirable record of bipartisanship. He’s a moderate, and his record isn’t perfect, but he did some really nice work on conservation and particularly education during his governorship. I dig Phil because he doesn’t posture or make flowery speeches full of empty promises; he gets shit done. Elizabeth Warren he ain’t, but if we’re gonna pick off this seat in a state Conman Don carried by 26 points, he’s the man for the job.

Tennessee

Ratings:

Roll Call: Lean Rep

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Lean Rep

The Bad Gal

Marsha Blackburn

Marsha Blackburn is…how to put this…not a good egg. She actually voted against a reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act because of provisions to protect LGBT citizens and the undocumented. Marsha hates health care. Marsha hates gun control. Are you a Dominionist “Christian” who wants to take over the world and force everyone to wear the same funny underwear and obey your weird little rules? No? Then Marsha hates you, too. But Marsha luuuuuuuvs birtherism! With Bob Corker retiring to enjoy the fruits of his trademarked Kickback, I guess this loon is the best the Tennessee GOP has to offer. I say the Volunteer State deserves a Senator who isn’t in danger of being carted away to a padded cell.

The Good Guy

Joe Donnelly

Joe Donnelly has been fighting the uphill battle for the Democratic Party in ever-reddening Indiana for decades, starting out serving on the Indiana State Election Board and the Marian High School Board.

We’re talking about a state Trump carried by nearly 20% in 2016. I really do get that supporting these less-than-perfect red state Dems isn’t the most thrilling part of assembling the team that takes back the Senate, but these are the seats we have to hold onto if we want to shut down the Trump/McConnell Lunatic-Far-Right Lifetime Judicial Appointment Pipeline.

Indiana

Ratings:

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Toss-Up

The Bad Guy

Mike Braun

Mike Braun, and you’re never gonna believe the GOP nominated a guy like this, is a wealthy white dude with a lengthy history of underpaying his employees! He’s also been a state-level legislator who passed bills that lined his own pockets! Shit, he’d fit right in with Donald Trump’s swamp, just one more grifter looking to loot all he can while the working class flounders.

Mike’s a gun nut. An Obamacare repealer. A wall-builder. An anti-choice fanatic. Mike Braun wants to go full Trump and you should NEVER GO FULL TRUMP. This dude is complete trash and it is imperative we keep him out of the Senate.

This race is ground fucking, zero, my friends. This is one of the GOP’s leading targets. If we can’t hold Indiana, we probably can’t take the Senate.

The Good Guy

Bill Nelson

Bill Nelson has been serving the good people of Florida since I was just a glint in Ma and Pa Cap’s eyes, but he really won my heart during the post-Parkland CNN town hall, when he stood up for common-sense gun control laws while Marco Rubio bumbled about looking for a plausible pander he could abandon the minute he left the room. There’s tons to like in Bill’s long, documented, record, plus he’s been in space and hasn’t committed any Medicare fraud at all, unlike SOME people I could mention.

Florida

Ratings:

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Toss-Up

The Bad Guy

Rick Scott

Rick Scott, on the other hand, committed honey bunches of Medicare fraud! Yes, the company Scott founded and ran paid $1.7 billion in fines for defrauding the American taxpayer, and then the motherfucker turned around to use his ill-gotten fortune to self-fund his two successful campaigns for the Florida governorship. Rick loves the death penalty but hates giving his constituents health care, which is actually darkly consistent when you think about it. Above all else, his true passion is for corporations, and he wants to go to Washington to turn the working people of this country into pliant drones providing his CEO buddies with labor for as little compensation as they can possibly get away with. He must be stopped. Also he’s just creepy. I don’t believe in lizard people but if there were lizard people, Rick Scott would at the very least DJ their house parties.

The Good Gal

Claire McCaskill

Y’know, if her opponent is a legitimate shitbag, Claire McCaskill has ways of shutting that whole thing down. Yes, six short years ago, Claire vanquished some no-good punk named Todd Akin, and now we need to pitch in and help her fend off the latest assclown.

McCaskill has been serving the good people of Missouri for…a long-ass time now, serving as a state legislator, Jackson County Prosecutor, Missouri State Auditor, and now she’s the ranking member on the Committee for Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs in the United States Senate.

Missouri

Ratings:

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Toss-Up

The Bad Guy

Josh Hawley

Josh Hawley went to the yuppie prep school up the road from where I grew up, because of course he did. He headed his college chapter of the Federalist Society and clerked for White Privilege Poster Boy John Roberts, but now he struts around Missouri in boots n’ jeans pretending to be a Man of the People™️ instead of the walking epitome of the “elites” he rails against.

Where I come from, this little prick is what we call a “Haircut,” as in that’s all he is and nothing else. He wants to go to Washington to be a good little soldier for Donald Trump. I don’t think we should let that happen.

The Good Gal

Jacky Rosen

Jacky Rosen is a Moms Demand Action Gun Sense Distinction Candidate. She’ll defend the ACA from Trump and McConnell. She’ll protect Roe V. Wade. Wee Don is so afraid of her, he’s already given her a childish nickname. And there’s plenty more to like.

Nevada

Ratings:

Roll Call: Toss-Up

Cook: Toss-Up

Sabato: Toss-Up

The Bad Guy

Dean Heller

Dean Heller is the incumbent Senator we have the best shot at beating this fall, and we should make the most of that chance. Dean-O is a Trump rubber stamp, voting the way Boss Shart wants him to 91.9% of the time, including Obamacare repeal and the tax bill. He’s received $122,802 in support from the NRA. He’s bad on immigration, LGBT rights, the environment, and, well, just about everything. See for yourself.