Like this:

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.

He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. “Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?” he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered. “Alright, I’m gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don’t like to have to do what I dun in Texas!”

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, “Say partner, before you go… what happened in Texas?”
The cowboy turned back and said, “I had to walk home.”

He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Larry asked, ‘Dad, why are you doing that?’ His father replied, ‘Because when I’m buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.

Like this:

One of my Monday rituals is catching the latest broadcast of The Peoples Pharmacy. I highly recommend this one. It’s an interview with a veterinarian who has written a book about the positive role pets play in the health of their owners. The call ins are marvelous! The entire broadcast is just under 1 hour.

Companion animals have the power to help us combat stress, reduce anxiety and lower blood pressure. Your doctor might not prescribe a cat to lower cholesterol or a dog to relieve depression, but the animals that share our homes have a remarkable power to help us heal.

Research shows that walking the dog is a more reliable and enjoyable way to get your exercise than stepping on a treadmill. How else do animals enhance our health?

Guest: Marty Becker, DVM, is called America’s veterinarian because of his frequent appearances on Good Morning America and The Dr. Oz Show. Dr. Becker practices at the North Idaho Animal Hospital in Sandpoint, Idaho. His books include The Healing Power of Pets, Chicken Soup for the Pet Lover’s Soul and Your Dog. His website is www.DrMartyBecker.com

One day while he was at the track playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.

Before the next race, as the horses began lining up, Mitch watched with interest the old priest step onto the track.. Sure enough, as the 5th race horses came to the starting gate the priest made a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses.

Mitch made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race

Mitch collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest would bless for the 6th race. The priest again blessed a horse. Mitch bet big on it, and it won.

By and by, Mitch was pulling in some serious money. By the last race, he knew his wildest dream swere going to come true. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited the priest’s blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.

True to his pattern, the priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day. Mitch also observed the priest blessing the eyes,

ears, and hooves of the old nag.

Mitch knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag. He then watched dumbfounded as the old nag come in dead last. Mitch, in a state of shock, made his way down to the

track area where the priest was.

Confronting the old priest he demanded, ‘Father! What happened?

All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed lost by a Kentucky mile. Now, thanks to you I’ve lost every cent of my savings – all of it!’

The priest nodded wisely and with sympathy. ‘Son,’ he said, ‘that’s the problem with you Protestants, you can’t tell the difference between a simple blessing and the last rites.’