I can think of no greater time to write a trash than when discussing last Friday’s Anal Grand Masturbation Mockery, hared by incumming fuck-ups and model examples of exactly how to give in to peer pressure, Cherry Poppins and Sit on My Facebook! Seriously, someone must have bribed these two to take the job.

Unlike Who’s Your Daddy and Lost in Foreskin’s failed attempt at securing a venue for the Beer Mile, the Hash was welcomed with open arms by the homeless of Golden Gate Park for trail, beer, bug bites and general tomfoolery. Trail took off around Stowe Lake, pre-laid by incoming co-GM Cherry Poppins, but a little social network told me it was scouted by incumbent co-GM, Massive Cock Check so he at least gets credit for pulling the wool over their eyes early and getting the new GMs to do all the work.

Having sat my pretty little self at the first beer check, trail went something like this: I, wHole Blow Out, hiked up a hill with Sit on My Facebook after being driven a whole 500yds by Hand Pump because I’m just that fucking lazy. After gallantly fighting off a horde of mosquitos and winning a staring contest with a skunk, Just Ophelia launched herself up the hill and almost passed by the rum ‘n’ coke booze check I had so lovingly concocted. Then a bunch of other people showed up and I gave them liquor. Then Cherry Poppins circle jerked off 30+ people single-handedly and they were gone. Exciting, isn’t it?

Apparently, at some point in this adventure Millimeter Peter and Smells Like Fish, Tastes Like Bacon manned a second booze check where I’m sure many delightful times were had. I don’t know, I was on the way to the final Beer Check with the soon to be named Just Oliver, Can’t Rush Anal, and Spankin’ where we vigorously over-pumped the keg while waiting for the rest of you wankers to come running in.Who’s Your Daddy demonstrated his own daring stand-off with Pepe Le Pew and a bunch of people took a long-turn around the lake. And that was trail.

Alongside Crabs and Monkey See Monkey Do Me ran circle with a vigor known only to those whose time as RA has come to a close; she named Holo Solo (Just Oliver) who has an epicurean interest in the brown-hole and aided SOMF in handing out the awards: