LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

I must reply to your Aug. 31 Random Walk column titled, "To some guests, these wedding bells clang." It seems to have been written by a friend of the alleged etiquette expert who put a decidedly negative spin on a truly helpful and convenient service. Quite honestly, had I known in advance the tone of the story, I would have rescinded my permission for the interview.

I am the president of Mail Order Bride Inc. and have received nothing but positive feedback from both engaged couples and wedding guests for my unique, new service. While it is, in fact, considered poor taste for a couple to include "registered at" information within the wedding invitation itself, gift registry is both entirely acceptable and usually expected for today's weddings. Providing this information via a third party -- like Mail Order Bride -- is a practical solution to the dilemma of what to give to a couple that lives in a different city.

If a guest doesn't want to receive a couple's registry, they can ignore our friendly invitation and we do nothing. If a guest would like to take advantage of this convenient service, they "RSVP" to Mail Order Bride, and then, and only then, do we send the actual registry and catalogs from which to shop.

If a guest takes offense at being offered this information -- if fragile, antiquated etiquette sensibilities are bruised because Mail Order Bride wants to proactively answer a common question posed before a wedding -- then somebody needs to lighten up.

Etiquette, at best, is a set of guidelines which few understand, fewer strive for and fewer still actually achieve. Etiquette standards for weddings -- and for all occasions, for that matter -- were created decades ago.

Many of them still make a lot of sense. For example, one little-known (and rarely followed) etiquette "rule" is that gifts should not be brought to the wedding itself, but sometimes, it's the only option, and most people tend not to make a big deal over it.

It's time people realized that when times change, so must the rules. If not entirely, at least to the degree that people are not chastised for providing a helpful, convenient service that relieves stress and solves problems.

Thank you for publishing this letter. I remain, yours sincerely,

Barbara A. Dolan

President

Mail Order Bride Inc.

Chicago

. . . service for '90s

Mail Order Bride is a great idea, for it solves two serious problems: (1) what meaningful gift to get the bride and groom, and (2) how to get it with a minimum of time and effort.

Margaret Littman's etiquette "adviser" may feel that it ". . . takes away from the joy of giving," but I disagree with this 1940s philosophy.

Getting the newlyweds a gift they want is common sense and very classy. There is no joy in wasting a day shopping for some unappreciated "silver ugly" gift.

I have used Mail Order Bride; it works great.

E. J. Neiburger

Director

Andent Inc.

Waukegan

Early players

The subject of Crain's Sept. 14 article, "IMA gives small firms health insurance option," is simply "business as usual" for the Tooling and Manufacturing Assn. TMA has successfully competed in the tough health insurance business since 1952. Our underwriter for all 46 years has been Trustmark Insurance in Lake Forest. Trustmark's core business is health insurance.

The association's Group Insurance Trust provides health insurance coverage for 816 member companies employing 10,000. Participating companies have from one to 150 employees, with an average size of 12. By aggregate size, TMA's 501(c)(9) trust is in the top 10% of association-based plans in the United States. By duration, it's probably one of the first.

During my 26 years at TMA, I have seen numerous association and chamber-based health insurance programs flounder and fail. Yet during the past five years, TMA's trust has retained its census, providing coverage with no increase in premium.

Bruce Braker

President

Tooling and Manufacturing Assn.

Park Ridge

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