Do you know what a person shouldn’t do while they’re trying to lose those couple or ten pounds gained over the holidays? Now just you shut up about how it’s February and that’s a full month since the holidays and a full month is plenty of time two lose a couple or ten pounds. You shut up about that and I’ll shut up about how maybe only 5 of the pounds were from the holidays and the other 5 came after. We’ll both shut up and there will be no need for fisticuffs, m’kay? M’KAY.

What was I doing? Oh, right. The exact opposite thing I should have been doing, which is Googling “ugly bread”. Because when you Google “ugly bread”, you do not get pictures of ugly looking bread. Google failed me there. Instead, you get pictures of delicious looking bread that I want to put in my face. Bread filled with chocolate chips and smothered in icing and dusted with powdered sugar and smeared with cinnamon and oh my. There’s nothing ugly about any of that.