Month: September 2011

This new study looked at 320,350 women who had two singleton pregnancies between 1989 and 2005. Of these, 2,483 women (0.78%) had experienced infant death
in the first pregnancy, while the remaining 317,867 women had an infant in their first pregnancy who survived the first year of life.

Within the study population, 1,347 cases of stillbirth occurred during the second pregnancy, representing a stillbirth rate of 4.2 per 1,000.

You got tired of me and took me to the shelter. They were overcrowded and I drew an unlucky number. I am in a black plastic bag in a landfill now. Some other puppy will get the barely used leash you left. My collar was dirty & too small, but the lady took it off before she sent me to the Rainbow Bridge.

Would I still be at home if I hadn’t chewed your shoe? I didn’t know what it was, but it was leather, and it was on the floor. I was just playing.

You forgot to get puppy toys. Would I still be at home if I had been housebroken? Rubbing my nose in what I did only made me ashamed that I had to go at all. There are books & obedience teachers that would have taught you how to teach me to go to the door.

Would I still be at home if I hadn’t brought fleas into the house? Without ant -flea medicine, I couldn’t get them off of me after you left me in the yard for days. Would I still be at home if I hadn’t barked? I was only saying, “I’m scared, I’m lonely, I’m here, I’m here! I want to be your best friend.”

Would I still be at home if I had made you happy? Hitting me didn’t make me learn how.

Would I still be at home if you had taken the time to care for me & to teach manners to me? You didn’t pay attention to me after the first week or so, but I spent all my time waiting for you to love me.

When listening to the local news talk radio channel, I just asked myself the following question: “Who is this jackass, and why is he being allowed freedom of speech?” I mean I believe in equal rights for everyone, but when your freedom of speech infringes on my rights to liberty and the per suit of happiness, I must take notice and deliver the dope slap with a wet fish.

This friendly flake in a vain attempt to amuse the crowd talks about a case where some rotund gentleman wishes to sue White Castle because the booths are too small. On the surface, I agree with him and think that if you are too fat to sit in the restaurant, you need to step away from the double cheese burgers. I disagree in that the way in which the friendly flake of a radio host ridiculed the corpulent litigant was out of order.

The radio host, whom I will call Bob, said that any lawsuit based on accessibility is frivolous and no private company should have to change to accommodate a customer. Well Bob, it was not so long ago that if a customer was of a certain pigment, he either was not allowed in the restaurant, or was only allowed to be in certain parts of the restaurant. How do you think that trend of stupidity was changed?

Oh, there was also a time, in the not so distant past, that if you spoke in ways that went counter to the popular majority you would be blacklisted so that your career as a pundit was over in all parts of the country. Have you ever heard of McCarthy? Do you remember the extreme stupidity he put this country through in the name of patriotism? Think of that and think of why you can say what you want on your radio show.

I have to wonder if the reason these idiots on the radio say this stupid stuff comes from their total ignorance of history or just an ignorance of how the garbage they say affects others. Either way, their ignorance is not my bliss. Please cease and desist or I’ll sue.

A little girl wanted to know what the united states looked like. Her dad tore a map of the USA from a magazine and cut it into small pieces. He told her to go to her room and see if she could put it together. In a few minutes she returned with the map correctly fitted and taped together. The dad was surprised and asked how she had finished so quickly. She said on the other side was a picture of Jesus and when I put him back then our country just came together.

An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife’s hand in his and said, “Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there’s something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?”

Martha replied, “Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I’ve been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.”

Henry was obviously hurt by his wife’s confession, but said, “I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by ‘good reasons’?”

Martha said, “The very first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn’t pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?”

Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, “I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?”

Martha asked, “And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn’t have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge.”

“I recall that,” said Henry. “And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time.”

“All right,” Martha said. “So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?” …50 years is a long time. Isn’t it?

I figured I’d open this blog with a poem that came to me while watching an old episode of Two-and a Half Men. its amazing what three shots of vodka, an empty Friday night and a bad TV show will make you think of. Dedicated to all failed actors everywhere. I tip my class to you. Empty faces, what are they thinking for?Arguments wasted, but then who’s keeping score? You turn on the television, a mid-sized limbic incision is entered into your brain.The show must go on! My Friend you’re a moron! Outside the dawn is breaking.But inside in the dark, your in the corner quaking, from a shot of bad tequila mahn.What ever happens, don’t leave your life to chance.You ain’t Jessica Simpson, please don’t take off your pants.We know that you are not faking, the reason we are shaking is laughter at your misery. You’re a moron! A tried and true moron! Four times or more you’ve walked out the door, and unlike Al Gore you put the world in an uproar.You’re a moron.

Your reputation’s tainted, reviews are in, your career is dead.Hollywood is done with you, producers say, off with his head! You can try teaching acting, I fear you’ll be flipping burgers my friend! Why? Cause you’re a moron!A Tried and True moron! Walk out the door, don’t want to hear more, we’ve finally found the will to move on …. On with the show!