Bad dental hygiene, suspicious duck top Chatham’s silliest 911 calls

CHATHAM — Brushing your teeth may be important, but police in Chatham would like to remind the public that it’s not crucial enough to merit a call to 911.

A family dispute about dental hygiene topped the southwestern Ontario force’s annual list of the dozen most ridiculous emergency calls received during the past year.

The call in question came from a 20-year-old who didn’t share his dad’s opinion that regular toothbrushing was a good idea, police said. Officers on the scene did manage to persuade the youth to brush his teeth. No word on whether they convinced him to work flossing into his routine.

Second spot on the dirty dozen list went to a woman who called to report being attacked by a duck. After failing to discover any injuries or signs of the duck, police were forced to conclude there were no signs of fowl play.

Third position went to a call from a woman who tried to enlist police assistance to bring her drug dealer in line. The caller objected to the hallucinogens that were being added to her crack supply, police said.

A call accusing a local radio station of spreading erroneous weather reports nabbed fourth place on the list, while fifth spot went to another domestic squabble, this time involving a 13-year-old girl angry with her mom for not letting her do her own laundry.

Other highlights included reports about a suspicious-looking squirrel, a supposed hit-and-run that turned out to be nothing more than an intoxicated fall, and a theft involving a voucher for a free coffee and doughnut at Tim Hortons.

Not all inappropriate emergency calls are created equal, though. Police also handed out top honours for the cutest call of the year.

The award went to a three-year-old who called 911 while watching the movie Cars. The child feared for the safety of the character Lightning McQueen during a high-octane chase with rival Chick Hicks, police said.

When not to call 911

The list from Chatham-Kent Police Service:

12. A man attended the Wallaceburg police station inquiring if anyone had turned in his lost dentures. He still had his top teeth, but he was looking for his bottoms.

11. A man called police to report that his unlocked vehicle had been entered. Stolen was a winning doughnut and coffee tab from Tim Hortons. You know you’re Canadian when…

10. A man called police to report that two girls damaged his car. However the evidence indicated that the white substance on the car had been left by birds and not girls.

9. A man called police claiming he had just been struck by a vehicle. The man even provided a full description of the suspect vehicle. Through investigation, the man finally admitted that due to his intoxication, he tripped over a trailer hitch in the driveway.

8. A man called 911 to report that there was a squirrel on his front porch acting in a suspicious manner.

7. A man called 911 to report that there was a large snapping turtle on the sidewalk that appeared to be getting ready to jump into traffic.

6. A woman called police to report that she has just been threatened by her downstairs neighbour. Apparently as the woman watered her plants, some water dripped down onto her neighbour’s dog.

5. A 13-year-old youth called police to report that her mother would not allow her to do her own laundry.

4. A man called police in January to complain about the weather report he just heard on a local radio station. They reported “slight flurries” when in fact he was driving in a “snowstorm.”

3. A woman called police to report that her drug dealer was lacing her crack with drugs that caused her to hallucinate and hear voices. She asked police to make him stop doing that.

2. A woman called police to report that she was just attacked by a duck who was now sitting in a puddle watching her. The woman was not injured and officers failed to locate the duck upon their arrival.

1. Police were called to a family dispute between a father and his adult son. The son called police because his father told him to brush his teeth and he didn’t want to. Police were able to defuse the situation by talking the 20-year-old son into brushing his teeth right away, thus making his 63-year-old father happy.