Amazing human spotlight: Alternagrrl

In the next few days I will be showcasing some of the many extra-ordinary inhabitants of this planet that I have come across in my recent travels. The first is someone who’s post I chanced upon on answers.com or some such thing responding to a music post. The quality of her “answer” was to such a degree that I had to know more! Seeing that she had a website link under her name, I clicked my way into a world of discovery.

Under her unbelievable pseudonym of “alternagrrl”, this 13 year old (real name Alexis) has really felt things and left a long-forgotten trail of internet wreckage in her wake. Though not accessed by it’s creator for nearly half a decade, the sci-fi pink coloured alternagrrl site and it’s darker sister page flamingliver (an outlet for Alexis’ “goth poetry”) are left behind as internet artifacts. Like the bedroom of a deceased loved one, frozen in time, every carpet-bound shirt and unwashed coffee mug are seemingly awaiting the return of their master. A day that is unlikely to ever arrive.

As you will soon discover for yourself, Alternagrrl’s angsty musings on politics, her parents and institutionalized learning are trite at best and her supposed “rants” are laced with such inane material as conversations she’s had with the aol chatbot. I am providing an excerpt here and not recommending you read the whole piece.

(16:24:14) ZolaOnAOL: I am chatting with people on the Internet.

(16:24:16) Lexy: ok

(16:24:16) ZolaOnAOL: Good.

(16:24:19) Lexy: yeah

(16:24:19) ZolaOnAOL: “Good”? Yes?

(16:24:22) Lexy: sure

(16:24:22) ZolaOnAOL: Is there an echo in here?

(16:24:24) Lexy: no

(16:24:25) ZolaOnAOL: Good you stopped repeating me.

(16:24:29) Lexy: i never was

Hardly captivating.

Alexis’ love life leaves plenty to be desired. Confused feelings lead to more boy trouble in this tale: “I danced with him once after my friends made me. He said he liked me and then he started being all dumb and like hardly talked to me (but you know, he hadn’t talked to me very much before) and so I was thinking, Dude, you said you frickin liked me! What’s your problem?! Gawsh I’m glad he’s gone. Not really.”

She doesn’t seem too impressed with the public education system either. “[I] frequently have issues with school and people who go there, so don’t be surprised to hear me getting a bit overzealous in my persecution of institution.” Alexis warns. She then clarifies her stance on the subject, “In a nutshell, it sucks.”

Not everything sucks though! Alternagrrl has plenty to say about her favourite music, hinting at a deep appreciation beyond the surface. She describes her love for Scottish indie rockers Franz Ferdinand “I LOVE THIS BAND!!!” and NYC favourites Interpol and singer Paul Banks “I lurve this band (and their lead singer…)” She later quotes the offspring, shouting “HEY HEY DO THAT BRAND NEW THING!”

Her profile must be read to be believed, a list of facts that runs the emotional gamut with such exhilarating highs and crushing lows as “My mother is dead and my father is lousy” and “I’m terrible at sports” followed soon after by “I love South Park!” and “I love food.” In the same breath, she declares the oft-believed-yet-seemingly-unfathomable idea that “I am unique in appearance, belief, and personality.”

If this wasn’t enough, her other page at flamingliver.blogspot was not only full of more gems, it also contained POETRY. A chilling take on domestic abuse, the slow burning “What You Did” takes on “a problem that too many families in this country face every day”. The author explains her creative process: “i don’t know why i thought [of] it but i did, and I think it’s kindof epic. lol”.

My favourite part of this one is the bravely non-onomatopoeiac “SCREEEEAAAMMMMM” between the fourth and fifth stanzas. Read it a couple of posts down from the top on the Nov 9th entry on Flamingliver.