Wedding Vent!!!!

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Ok so everyone knows on this forum that I've decided to change the date of my wedding to Sept. 1, 2007 instead of having it on June/July of 2008.

We also decided to have wedding in Sausalito, CA. (near San Francisco) and have decided to have a max of 40 guests (that includes Erik and me).

Well......

I go out to dinner dinner last night with Erik's family (it was his cousin's b-day) and Erik's mom starts the conversation about the wedding and how she is pissed (joking) that she now doesn't have enough time to loose weight for her outfit. So we are all laughing and having a good time then she blurts out that she will be sending invitations to her whole family. I just look at her and stared. Then said.....but I'm only giving you 18 invitations and that we are only having 40 people (20 on her side, 20 on mine) and that my mom has a budget and can't go over the amount of people. Well FMIL then says that " oh don't worry I'll pay for the extra people that will come".

I'm just looking at her in awe....mind you, she was the one that suggested we do a small wedding and only invite the most important people we want there....and now she's throwing this at me.

Well later I go and call my mom and she ends up saying that's fine but reminding me to remind her that FMIL has to pay for the extra people she invites (that was last night). well this morning I call her and she says she is kind of dissappointed because now most of the guest are going to be from erik's side and not mine. So I tell we should send invites to all of our people and most likely not all will come since we are doing an adult only wedding and it's on labor day weekend and it's such short notice. But she is worried that it will come out to being a lot of people and she only has a small budget.

What do I do!!!!! Freaking out here.... I HATE WEDDINGS

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Dang. No wonder you hate weddings! This is insane! I think Erik needs to talk with his mom. Erik didn't want a lot of people... and frankly, it's not in the budget. So, Erik needs to explain to his mom that this is YOUR wedding and this is what you guys want. She gets 18 invites so she better narrow down her list.

Sorry, maybe that's mean of me... but I just don't understand why parents need to invite all of these people! It's your wedding!

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Dang. No wonder you hate weddings! This is insane! I think Erik needs to talk with his mom. Erik didn't want a lot of people... and frankly, it's not in the budget. So, Erik needs to explain to his mom that this is YOUR wedding and this is what you guys want. She gets 18 invites so she better narrow down her list.

Sorry, maybe that's mean of me... but I just don't understand why parents need to invite all of these people! It's your wedding!

ditto. this isn't her choice to make. this is your wedding, you get to say who comes. she shouldn't get to invite anyone - only you and Erik get that choice. done deal, no discussions!

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Wasn't it erik's idea not to have a lot of people?? You should have him talk to his mother and either say, we only want this many people we're not having a big wedding or both sides should be able to invite who they want to and Eriks mom should pay for half the bill if she wants more people.

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Stick with what you want. I agree Erik needs to talk to his mom. Explain that you both want a small wedding, and that you do not want to have to explain to family members why all his family is coming but not all of your family. He needs to let her know that would be putiting everyone in an awkward position. Can you imagine "why is Eriks Aunt so and so is here but Aunt so and so wasn't invited", hurt feelings will happen. You also can not invite people with the hope that they won't make it. You will be surprised at how many peope will actually show up, especially a long weekend most people will then be able to take the time to go to your wedding. This is not a stress you or your mom should have to go through. So unless your fmil is willing to pay for the extra guests for both sides so that the numbers are fair, (if thats even what you and Erik want) then she nees to respect your wishes.

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I agree with what everyone else has said (including the elope to Cabo idea!)! I've always taken the stance that the guy gets to represent you both in dealing with issues relating to his family, and vice versa with you and your family.

I think that Erik should be the one to talk to his mom about this. He was very emphatic about having a small wedding to avoid breaking the bank and that's one of the reason why you both decided to not do a Mexico DW. I'm sure that the sudden change and short notice to complete the planning details have caused some turmoil for his mom, and he needs to be the one to speak with her on behalf of both of you, in order to prevent any ill feelings she may have about not being able to invite everyone she would like to....

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I just wanted to say that I agree with what everyone else said! I thought Erik was the one that didn't want a big wedding, and if were me, I would tell him that he needs to talk to his mother. I would stick to what you two have already agreed on. If his mother gets her feelings hurt, she will just have to get over it. It's not her wedding, it's yours and Erik's.

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I tried to have Erik step up and tell his parents that it needs to be small last night when we were at dinner but instead he sat at the table at the restaurant all curled up and very very quiet....he was even quiet when we left the restaurant.

I know he's the one who said that he wanted a small wedding. I'm going to talk to him tonight. If he decides to not tell his mom then what I'm going to do is drive over to his mom's house either tonight or tomorrow and sit down with Carol and tell her that if she really wants to invite more people she is going to have to pay for her whole half of the wedding guest and my mom will pay for her half the wedding guest.

Hopefully this will make her see that my mom will not pay for her 20 people when Carol wants to invite more and will pay the difference. I'm going to tell her that it's not fair for my mom, so this will be the only way unless we go back to the original 40 people only and my mom will pay for whole reception.

i just don't know what to do. If she gets pissed I don't care at this point.

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