4 things I never thought I’d do as a parent that I totally do

Sometimes I hear a sound at 3am that could either have been a poo or a fart. The responsible mother part of me knows I should check, but the part of me that just wants to get back to sleep says, “It was just a fart. Definitely a fart.” And the responsible mother part of me says, “Yeah, I’ll go with that,” because we’re both really f***ing tired.

Let the Popple watch TV

I know babies aren’t supposed to watch TV. It does nothing to stimulate their developing brains, and they get much more out of interacting with an actual human being. And yet sometimes I need to pee. Or unload the washing machine. Or brush my teeth. So I lay the Popple down on her play mat and put on a music video (usually some dance anthem from the 90s, because the Popple’s cool like that). And she watches it. Quietly. Quality parenting, TV!

Let the Popple stick all manner of germ-laden things in her mouth

The Popple is well into her IN DA MOUF phase, and I let her stick pretty much anything in her mouth without even giving it a cursory wipe-down. I justify this by telling myself that exposure to germs is good for her immune system or something.

Oddly enough, I’m fastidious about sterlising her dummies the second they hit the floor. I realise this makes no sense.

Talk nonsense to the Popple

I once wrote a post about the difference between how I though I’d talk to the Popple and how I actually talk to her. What I say to her breaks down as:

10% comments on her bodily functions

10% compliments on her smile (which is the best smile EVER – fact)

80% garbage like “Scooba dooba skeebadee!” and “Abbababababa”

If she becomes a functional member of society, it will be despite my complete and total ridiculousness in the face of her cuteness.