Your Turn: What you are experiencing is not weakness. It is not failure. It is a matter of brain health, and it can be treated.

In the aftermath of celebrity losses, such as we saw last week with the passing of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, conversations seem to revolve around what depression is or isn’t. We feel; we rationalize; we wonder what went wrong, what warning signs we might have missed, or what we could have done to prevent such tragedies.

What my depressed mind told me

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Recent celebrity deaths have increased attention about suicide and depression. This is what you should know.
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In 2011, as a student in Washington, D.C., I was in the midst of a severe depressive episode. Unable to escape a vicious self-hatred, I was overwhelmingly scared and lonely. Each new day brought new evidence that I was unloved, unwanted, unworthy. I was worse than useless because I was burdening those around me. I deserved the rejection and isolation I was experiencing.

On the rare occasions that I felt a jolt of motivation or insight, I would convince myself that to be OK – to be loved, welcomed and worthy once again – I simply had to be stronger-willed and more disciplined. I had to choose happiness — because in my depressed mind, my lack of happiness was my personal failure.

Week after week, month after month, as I failed to “choose” happiness, I spiraled into complete hopelessness. My outlook on life became a bleak reality of personal failure and burden.

In my depressed mind, I decided that my only sensible option was to remove myself from the equation.

What we often miss about suicide

I thought of my family. My depressed mind told me I would be doing them a favor.

This is what the conversation about suicide often misses. To an individual who can only feel despair, day in, day out – to someone who is convinced that they are unworthy of life – suicide is a solution.

To someone who has never experienced it, it’s unthinkable, but when chronic emotional pain becomes all that one feels, options dwindle and desperation prevails.

For anyone reading this who knows that despair, please believe me when I say this:

What you are experiencing is not weakness. It is not failure. It is not selfish. It is a matter of brain health, just like any chronic physical illness, and it can be treated.

Like any physical illness, the key to preventing fatal outcomes is early diagnosis and treatment. It’s no different for depression and suicidality.

Don't accept 'no' for an answer

No, you need to wait 45 days to see a provider. No, insurance doesn’t cover that provider.

Time and again, you will think to yourself, “No.”

No, I don’t have the time for that. No, I don’t really need treatment, I can solve it myself. No, I can’t admit I’m crazy, what if my friends or coworkers found out?

Unfortunately, I accepted “no” for an answer, and I didn’t get the help I needed. It took my suicide attempt to truly start my recovery. It took five years more of grueling personal development and therapeutic work to once again thrive.

From the stage of the Grammys to the summit of Mount Kilimanjaro, to testifying before Congress, I’ve lived a life since my suicide attempt of which I can be proud. It’s possible for you, too, if you refuse to accept “no” for an answer.

Misha Kessler is an advocate, consultant and social entrepreneur using technology and design to improve mental health care accessibility. Reach him at misha.kessler@gmail.com.