What is meant by not having your ego interfere?

This is a discussion on What is meant by not having your ego interfere? within the Carry & Defensive Scenarios forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Haha, I'm posting this as a question but I'm going to be a bit pompous and tell you the answer.
When I was a beginner ...

What is meant by not having your ego interfere?

Haha, I'm posting this as a question but I'm going to be a bit pompous and tell you the answer.

When I was a beginner (and I still am) in Jiu-jitsu, I had already been in the Martial Arts for 30 years and though I tried many things, and tried to 'empty my cup', I only truly learned what it meant to lose your ego when I started BJJ.

People who are black belts in other styles often are all full of themselves, think they know stuff, but they get out on the mat with a 2nd year blue belt female and get tapped out repeatedly and 90% of these so-called blackbelts in other styles, can not handle it. They get angry, try to use strength, not technique, still get tapped and instead of gaining some humility, quit. They just can't stand to have someone that THEY think is weaker or of the softer female gender 'win'.

Well, I'm here to tell you that EVERY black belt in BJJ has been tapped thousands of times on the way to their ranking. And they learn to welcome it, because without being tapped you are not learning anything. You're just full of your ego and wanting to 'win'.

It's a very hard lesson, and only 'easy' if you learn BJJ as a kid when you are pretty mellow and free of ego and hubris. For an adult to let go of 10-20-30 years of fighting 'skill', (but really fake skill in many cases), and put on that white belt and be willing to lose and be tapped is very hard. In fact you have to couch it in different terms than 'winning' and 'losing'. Everybody wins when ego is not an impedance.

Now you need ego. You must have a strong sense of self. You just have to be able to exercise some internal control over when you let it get in the way (or not).

Just some thoughts on the matter since we've talked about ego and insults and carrying a firearm.

Only thing I see you forgot a bit was emotions. I have a friend who is trained is martial arts and I beleive it might be the same fighting style as yours I have talked to him and he really has a huge ego and use's his emotions when "explaining" to the rest of us (just random friends) about why his sensei is the best and his school is the best. I used to fight back in school and do not consider myself properly trained (Been wanting to learn and thought of going to his school though) met his sensei and he is a very nice courtious older gentlemen but I also like to rile up my friend when I think he's been a tool and has tried one or two "hits" to prove a point.

If you cant control your ego, your in for getting hurt if you cant control your emotions your getting the same pain.

It's good you put 'win' in quotation marks...because 'winning' in BJJ of course is not the same as 'winning' in stand-up, and certainly not the same as winning on the street (where, it can be argued, there are no winners, guns or no guns). Sure, everyone taps out hundreds of times on their way to black belt (I did for sure, in Daito Ryu Aikijutsu), and no matter your rank - if any - in other styles, you've gotta swallow your pride (and a good bit of blood and sweat) and just stick to it.

So careful before you let your BJJ-ego get in the way, and broad-brush all black belts of other styles. (I be one, and you just made me have an ego-flare! ) Some black belts I know who have taken up BJJ and become proficient at it tend to do exactly what you say the 'other' styles do, i.e., get full of themselves and think they know it all. Not saying BJJ is not an effective grappling art, of course it is. But forcing a black belt from a stand-up style to tap out doesn't mean that stand-up style or that black belt isn't valid or capable in their style, or has 'fake skill' - that's usually 'my art is the best'-religious/sales talk taking over, if you know what I mean.

I mean really, comparing arts is usually comparing apples and oranges. Both are good for you, in different ways, and which you choose depends on personal taste and where you're at [in your martial arts journey]. Think, would the same blue belt in BJJ stand a chance in the Tae Kwon Do ring, following their rules? Or the full-contact karate ring, following their rules? Or even the Kodokan Judo ring, following their rules? Probably not, but it all depends on the athlete more than the style. It wouldn't be fair to judge that person on rules other than what they're used to, would it?

But your point about egos is very well-stated. I've had fun slapping BJJ black belts around the Tae Kwon Do ring, once they agree to no grappling. Which often their egos seem to force them to do, if I state the request the right way. Their egos get in the way. But I have a 4th Degree in (a very Americanized form of) Tae Kwon Do, been doing it for 27 years. Then once we agree to grapple on a nice soft mat, they usually make me tap (not always though, since I also have a 2nd Dan in Daito Ryu and a 1st Dan in Judo). If we agree to 'stand-up' grappling, I usually win (but again not always, of course). If we agree to 'pretty much' no-holds-barred stand-up/grappling, I usually win there too since I also train a lot in Krav Maga, am pretty good with my elbows and knees, and am familiar enough with BJJ to avoid - usually again, certainly not always - being taken down in the first place, and we practice that stuff on hard concrete. Then we go have a few beers, nurse our bruises and sore joints, and reflect that no matter our style, we're more alike than different.

Relating all this to armed self-defense, which I train in quite a bit, your points about egos getting in the way becomes even more important. I know it's because of my background, but I am constantly amazed at how many CCW-ers rely totally on 'gun-fu' and at the same time are quite belligerent (and egotistical) in street encounters...not most CCW-ers, thank goodness, but enough to make you wish the CCW class included more time in training people to 'keep your mouth shut and walk away - that weapon , or those martial skills, are for 'the gravest extreme' only <nods to Ayoob>.

Ego or not, anyone carrying a gun (or driving a car!) needs to be able to keep their emotions under control. And their actions as well. I tihnk you can have a big ego, or great sense of self, and still not act on your impulses.

I agree with 9MM. Ego, macho, anger, testosterone etal--no problem--have at it if you must--in a physical situation it can still be cause for physical assault charges. Put a firearm in the equation--THERE IS NO ROOM FOR ANY OF THE ABOVE--PERIOD END OF STORY. You do what you gotta do but if ego and anger and all the rest of the macho crap is going to get mixed with a firearm, you will find yourself in a lot of trouble.

I never understood people who take bbj or "ufc" style disciplines for self defense, it's nothing like real world fighting. In a real world encounter the last thing I want to be doing is rolling around on the ground, exposing myself to be kicked in the head by other BG's, and being tied up eliminates the best form of self defense... getting the away from your attacker. Some guy goes ape shiznit on me in a bar because he thinks I "looked at his girl" I sure as hell am not looking to make him "tap out" while his buddies put their boots too me.

I'm afraid people see it on TV and think it's cool and slapping a arm bar on someone is going to save your life, people don't learn "WWE" styles cause it's on tv. But I guess at the end of the day it's better than nothing.

People talk a lot about the importance of remaining humble, but sometimes you get the feeling that what they are really saying is "I am the most humble person in the world!" Humbling experiences hurt emotionally, because—unless you are being taught the error of a belief you firmly held (such as that you could handle yourself pretty well in a fight)—you are not really being "humbled." This, for me, is the value of repeatedly sparring with my martial arts instructor, even though it is usually a completely humiliating, frustrating experience.

To be clear, this is just an observation about the value of martial arts study for me, not a comment about anyone on this thread.

I never understood people who take bbj or "ufc" style disciplines for self defense, it's nothing like real world fighting.

'Real world fighting' is for people in High School (or are mentally stuck in HS). ALL martial arts are for use as a hobby. As a friend once told me 'sticks and fists and keys between the knuckles are no comfort against the people who REALLY scare me'. She was a firearms expert. Nuff said.

As to the 'never understood'?

"There, there..." (pats your avatar on the head). :p

C'mon the point is not about martial arts it's about letting go of your ego. I have belts in TKD, Korean Karate, rank in JKD, Escrima, and certs in Bowie knife. You don't forget stand up...that's dimwit thinking. If you are on the ground by accident in a fight with a big guy on top of you what do you do now? Have you trained that for accessing your tools? If not, my suggestion is to do so.

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Ego. It keeps us apart, for in truth "we are all one". -Genki Sudo.

I'm not insulting you and you can be cute "pat you on the head" all you wish, I've taken Karate (mostly isshinryu) just about all my life and I have no belts (as it's an American invention) as they serve no purpose but too show off and tell people your color (ego the whole point of this thread). Any good discipline should deal with being on the ground, but I'm not a law enforcement office and I wish to detain no one so I see no point in a "wrestling" style that takes away your ability to get away (the most effective form of self defense). If it works for you then great, but I feel people take it thinking it's a valid self defense discipline and it's not.

If you choose to believe that real world fighting does not exist that is up to you, and I feel you have far too much ego if you are not afraid of another man's fist and are only afraid of his gun.