Germans

“It’s not polite to talk about yourself, but I haven’t seen anything like it,” says Mr. Wash Chief Executive Richard Enning. A few of his 32 other outlets are almost as big. Germans love cars. They also tend to like things tidy. Now they’re building temples to clean cars. The Stuttgart Mr. Wash is probably […]

Is the temptation to check your work email while on vacation stronger than your weak, easily manipulated self? Do you make a big show of saying you’re not going to even look at your phone the whole time you’re away, and the sneak into the bathroom and turn the faucets on to cover up the […]

While the U.S. has at last gotten around to maybe kinda sorta prosecuting a few banks for their crisis-era misdeeds, you cannot throw a bank in jail. And no U.S. bankers have been thrown in jail for doing things that, cumulatively, contributed to a situation that led to the expenditure of $1 trillion taxpayer dollars, […]

Germany said it believed that U.S. intelligence agencies may be spying on Chancellor Angela Merkel’s cellphone, an intrusion that it said would constitute a “grave breach of trust” between the longtime allies. Ms. Merkel called President Barack Obama on Wednesday and made clear that such surveillance among allies would be “fully unacceptable,” her spokesman, Steffen […]

Appreciative as it is for the €21 German taxpayers threw it, Commerzbank has had quite enough of living under the government’s thumb. So it’s going to finish paying back those taxpayer loans by conveniently diluting its shares such that the German government can’t tell it what to do anymore.

Deutsche Bank co-CEO Jürgen Fitschen, already the subject of a German tax-fraud probe, has come under further pressure after political leaders accused him of trying to influence the investigation by calling a senior German politician to protest a police raid on the bank’s headquarters last week. On Thursday, a day after the surprise search, Mr. […]

The bits of wisdom Florian Homm picked up during his stay in Colombia, where he was getting some “me time” and not trying to distance himself from angry investors whose money he’d lost, can be found in the book he wrote about living underground (“Kopf Geld Jagd”), which he hopes will be a “hard-core wake-up call” readers who are “trying to get a second Mercedes and a bigger boat.” For those who can’t wait for the English version, from an interview with the Times we learn:

The bank has ran its own internal investigation and found no evidence of wrongdoing but prosecutors are still going to take a look-see themselves.

The investigation, being conducted by economic-crimes prosecutors in Mannheim, was started in March against unnamed employees after a tax inquiry in the southwestern state of Baden Wuerttemberg identified suspicious transfers of funds from Germany to Switzerland, allegedly executed by a German taxpayer with the assistance of the Frankfurt-based office of UBS Deutschland AG…In May, prosecutors seized more than 100,000 computer files and other records during a search of the bank’s Frankfurt office, Mr. Lintz said. Tax investigators are assessing this material to identify evidence that bank officials acted as accessories to tax evasion, he said.

In its statement, UBS Deutschland said that “an internal investigation into the specific allegations has not identified any evidence of misbehavior by UBS Deutschland AG.” It said it is cooperating with the criminal investigation. Several investigations of UBS clients in Germany are under way by local prosecutors independent of the Mannheim investigation, Mr. Lintz said. He declined to say how many clients are under investigation. A report in the Thursday edition of German newspaper Stuttgarter Nachrichten said thousands of bank clients are under investigation. Mr. Lintz declined to confirm that figure.

The Germans are considering sending some bankers to live on a farm upstate, where there’s plenty of fresh air and room to run around.

Europe’s biggest bank by assets, is considering cutting about 1,000 positions at its investment bank as revenue declines, according to a person with knowledge of the matter. The cuts will be mostly outside Germany, where the firm’s investment banking operations are focused, said the person, who asked not be identified as Deutsche Bank’s plan hasn’t been made public.

“If I were the Germans, if I were running Germany, I would have abandoned the eurozone last week…It is a costly decision, but losses are there and somewhere, somehow, the losses have to be taken. The first loss is the banks. In the case of Greece, one should have kicked out Greece three years ago. […]

Ms. Merkel has taken Bettina Schoenbach’s advice to heart, exclusively wearing straight-cut pants and three-button, diagonal-pocketed blazers from the German designer…While that sartorial consistency may have been an asset earlier in her career, it could become a problem as Ms. Merkel pushes the unpopular message of austerity to European Union members and faces a restless […]

Tomorrow morning, Anshu Jain will start his new job as co-CEO of Deutsche Bank. Despite having previously overseen operations that produce 90 percent of the firm’s profits in any given quarter, sitting on the management committee, and generally being considered a “star” both within the company and among those who follow his work, chief executive officer is a title no one thought AJ would be given if he remained at DB, because 1) people back in Germany don’t like that he’s an investment banker and 2) “In Germany, no one can imagine an Indian working in London who does not speak German being CEO of Deutsche Bank.” To the haters’ chagrin, though, that’s exactly what’s about to happen. And if they want to continue bitching about it, they can be Jain’s guest– their insults go in one ear and out the other.

While Mr. Jain has taken German lessons, he doesn’t speak the language, and Der Spiegel, the country’s best-selling weekly magazine, ran a 12-page cover story earlier this year laying much of the blame for Deutsche Bank’s troubles at Mr. Jain’s feet.

Have you ever made plans to get drinks with someone, met them for said drinks, determined if there was any chemistry between the two of you, made a decision to have sex with that person based on whether or not you were attracted to him or her, and, if you were and did, went home afterward without money being exchanged? Then congratulations! You are a small business owner, according to a group of German entrepreneurs.

As a business model, it’s a win-win formula: Two potential partners set out to profit from a mutual transaction. That must be how the three business students from the University of Mannheim in southwestern Germany, who call themselves Oskar, Christopher and Julius, imagined things to be when they decided to offer their services by creating what could best be described as a free brothel. They offer stressed-out, female students uncomplicated and anonymous one-night stands. As future marketing experts, the students know that business ideas with at least a pseudo-philosophical foundation are often the ones that are best received. They call their project Bib:Love — a reference to the first letters of the German word Bibliothek, meaning library — and the slogans which they have plastered on posters around the university’s campus promise “Good Grades through Good Sex.” The young men claim that their project is about emancipation in a broader sense and that their initiative should be recognized as more than a mere coital campaign.

Lately, the men say, they’ve been getting numerous emails from students looking for more information. Oskar and his partners then reply: “Many students are too stressed out during exams to go out at night. This leads their sex lives to languish.” But armed with the knowledge that regular physical exercise brings health benefits and helps with studying, the young men behind Bib:Love are more than happy to provide support. Female students who spend their evenings drained and fatigued in the library and are in the mood for a little closeness and intimacy are encouraged to send an email. Then one of the three men will meet with them. If the circumstances are right, the meeting ends in sex. The men claim they have so far received 82 messages at the Bib:Love Hotmail. Some are searching for intimacy, some crack jokes and others are simply curious. Of these messages, nine have resulted in bookings. The meeting point is always the L3 student café on the University of Mannheim campus. “The L3 is the perfect spot because there are always a lot of students here during the week,” says Oskar. “Then you can meet and have a beer and check to see if the chemistry is right.” The young men reserve the right to withdraw their service should a girl’s appearance be unpromising.

Today is bonus communication day at DB and while there are no specifics to be had just yet, apparently those hoping their decision to do the bare minimum last year would be handsomely rewarded were in for a disappointment.

As you may have heard, the last 6 to 12 to 36 months months have been somewhat trying for UBS investment bank chief Carsten Kengeter. Profits haven’t been exactly what he’d hoped for, the people of Stamford have (more or less) vowed to beat him with a sack of reeds should the Swiss so much […]

The Germans said this morning that 1) employees will face the ax if the “environment” doesn’t improve a-SAP 2) these cuts would be on top of those previously announced and 3) have you ever wondered why DB hasn’t had to announce that it’s letting go of 20 or 30 or 40,000 people? According to Stefan […]

The bank isn’t hiring anyone at the moment and current CEO Oswald Gruebel has said he’s not leaving anytime soon but, naturally, they’d like to be prepared when the moment comes. Would you or someone you know be the right person for the job? Prerequisites for the gig include “the charisma to run a place […]

Anshu Jain is the head of Deutsche Bank’s Corporate & Investment Bank, sits on the management committee and oversees operations that produce upwards of 90 percent of the firm’s profits in any given quarter. He’s considered a “star” at DB and among those who follow his work and with CEO Josef Ackermann’s contract expiring in […]

At a certain level workers and customers can “no longer be rewarded with money,” another industry insider says. But incentives outside the ordinary pay raise or bonus are not simply a question of hierarchy, event specialist Eisner says. The likelihood of such perks is higher for certain roles…Sexual incentives are a special cementing agent, and […]

Last week it was reported that in 2007, executives with Munich Re subsidiary Ergo Versicherungsgruppe came up with the idea to throw a party for top performing sales executives at a bathhouse, featuring a bunch of prostitutes for their consumption. Because such events have the potential to devolve into mass chaos, with buyers and sellers […]

Yesterday it was reported that in 2007, executives with Munich Re subsidiary Ergo Versicherungsgruppe came up with the idea to throw a party for top performing sales executives at a bathhouse, featuring a bunch of prostitutes for their consumption. Perhaps having heard that gatherings like this can often devolve into chaos and confusion, or maybe […]

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May 19, 2011 at 9:52 AM

SAC

Mary Jo White was the top federal prosecutor in New York City during Bill Bratton’s first run as the Big Apple’s top cop, and she learned a few lessons from his “broken windows” theory: Clean a place up a little, and throw the fucking book at the street urchins who are messing things up with […]