6/26/2014

Houston, We Have Chemistry

I went on two dates this week; one on Sunday, and one last night. The first one was with a Greek guy (he grew up in Greece and, even though he's lived in the Bay Area for something like 15 years, he still has an accent). He's attractive but not necessarily my type, and for that reason plus I was kind of smitten with another online guy - the one I went out with last night - I went into into it half-heartedly. When I first met him, I thought he was cute (cuter than I thought), but then he had a lot of intense energy and was talking over me at times.

For example, if you know me, you know I love the Myers-Brigg$ personality asses$ment, and this came up in conversation. He told me he took it a long time ago but that his type had changed... Well, part of the theory of this assessment is that your type doesn't change, but that you can get inaccurate results at some point in time due to extenuating circumstance. The strength of your preference, and your comfort with the opposite preference, will change over time but your true type should not. Anyway, I was trying to explain that, and he was arguing with me, until he learned that I was qualified to administer the assessment.

Then, we started talking about age in online profiles, and I was saying it bothered me that some men in their 40's/50's say they will date down to 25 and he was kind of arguing with that and saying some young people are mature - yeah, right, not 20 years older mature - and saying that everyone likes younger people. I don't! I like my age. I know there are biological reasons people go for younger looking partners, but I think that's just one part of the equation. I think more conscious, mature people want someone who is their equal and who are at a similar developmental stage. Now some men, like my housemate, don't get around to having kids, for one reason or another, until they are 40's/50's and I can see why they might date down to 35, but not 25!

Anyway, that was annoying, but then that conversation led to him saying that he had thought he wanted children, but lately he was rethinking that and he wasn't so sure. WTF! My profile clearly communicates that I'm interested in someone who wants a family. So that just felt like a push-away when he said that, and I became irritated and snappy. He noticed and asked about it and I told him what he had said that bothered me and if he felt that way, then we clearly were not a match and, basically, "bye bye!" I can be very direct sometimes! I was saying it with some humor, but I was also irritated. Like why would you waste my time? But then he backtracked and said he was open to it and would like it; that he was trying to be realistic considering the age factor or something.

From then on, strangely, communication was better and our connection was better. Kind of like it broke the ice. I continued being direct by asking whether there was chemistry between us - like, "What do you think? probably not?" again kind of joking. And we basically talked about hanging out together as friends, and he said maybe I could come over and watch TV with him. This seems a little funny now, but we had discussed how we both like really good TV series, like Breaking Bad, Downton Abbey, Enlightened, etc.

Anyway, at the end of the night, we were walking out kind of joking around a bit and we stopped in front of his car, which was parked right in front of the restaurant, to say goodbye. I fully expected to exchange a quick hug and be off... so then, out of the blue, he asks if I would like to kiss him. I felt strangely compelled and curious, and leaned forward and kissed him and then... we were off! We definitely had chemistry! It was like this feeling of melting into him, that mushy, yummy, merging feeling. I did not expect it at all. We ended up kissing for a while in his car and it was fun!

We have texted here and there this week and are getting together again tomorrow. I'm not sure what to think. He's a therapist (and has invested in real estate which he says gives him some freedom) and has a spiritual/Buddhist practice, so that's all good. And I liked how we could be really direct with each other. But he can be a bit bossy at times, and also was wanting me to come over to his place that night or the night after and, maybe not have sex, but be intimate, and I felt a little worried at the focus on that and moving too fast. So I guess we'll see, but that chemistry thing is pretty rare, and I'm glad to be experiencing it!

I will write more soon about the date last night. It was better in some ways and not as good in others... very different. I'll also report on Date #2 with my Greek guy...

About Me

Hi, and welcome to my blog! I'm a Bay Area woman in her forties, doing my best to live a compassionate, authentic life. This blog follows my adventures in dating, career, family, and personal and spiritual development. I like to analyze! ...but try and keep a sense of humor. This started out as a ttc blog; after stepping away for a while, I'm back on the train and re-focused on donor embryo or adoption in the near future.