This has GOT to be the worst sex injury of all time

There's disastrous sex stories, and then there's DISASTROUS sex stories, and this recent one has got to be up there with the latter. Because, penis or no penis, you'll be quivering at the thought of this once you find out what happened.

A report contained in the British Medical Journal - it's that serious it required an actual, scientific report in an actual, scientific journal - described how a man from New Delhi in India came into hospital with one very sorry looking penis.

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He'd sustained a sex injury so bad, doctors genuinely labelled it an "eggplant deformity", and we're secretly hoping that name has only come into existence since the prominence of the eggplant/peen emoji.

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Anyway, back to what happened. Apparently, the man in question had been enjoying some "vigorous sex" when he heard "a snapping sound". The report sympathetically notes that the patient felt "severe pain and lost tumescence" which, for anyone not down with medical speak (I had to google it) means he lost his boner. Funny, that. I think I'd probably lose my boner too if my penis had just snapped in half.

Look, now I don't know if you're going to want to see the end result of this absolute horror story, but I suspect some of you will be curious. However, I don't want to make those who aren't curious sick to the stomach, so I won't post the picture on this page. But here is a link for those who do want to see. Be brave, my friends, and hold a sick-bucket close by.

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And for those who don't, I'll give you a description instead. It looks like a black, bruised, swollen snail who had started to emerge from its home but changed its mind at the last minute, and is now recoiling, attempting to squash its head back inside the shell. I think that sort of sums it up. Oh, and there's some blood and pubes and stuff.

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Vom.

But thankfully, this story has a happy ending. Ish. Thanks to the anonymous sufferer's quick response and medical attention (well he was hardly going to leave it a couple of weeks to see if it 'went back to normal on its own', was he?) the man and his fractured penis will heal (emotionally and physically) and he should be able to have normal sex again some time in the future. If he's not been put off sex for life, that is, which I'd say there's a very high chance of.

Speaking to Cosmopolitan.com, medical expert and author of the report Dr. Sahil Gupta said: "These patients can have normal and healthy sex lives after healing. We usually advise sexual abstinence for about four to six weeks for proper healing."

Four to six weeks? More like four to six months.

So there's a life lesson for us all, folks. Penises (penii?) can break. Be gentle with them, or you'll have a lot on your conscience.