This
story includes explicit depictions of sexual acts between consenting adult
males. If you are underage or it is illegal to view this for any reason,
consider yourself warned. If you find this material offensive, I have to
wonder why you came here in the first place.

This
story is a work of fiction, and any resemblance to people, living or dead, is
entirely a coincidence.

This is
my first attempt at writing a story, so I would love to hear any feedback, be
it positive or negative. Send me an email with any comments or questions
at movingonstory@gmail.com. I'll try to respond promptly
to all emails, but any flames will be ignored.

I would
like to thank Jay Gordon at jaygordonstories.com, for much of the inspiration to
write this, in addition to the many amazing stories that I've read by a wide
number of authors. Jay's stories may have given me the inspiration, but
all the excellent writers have created a desire in me to write. Thank you
all.

Finally,
my wonderful husband gets a shout out for being so supportive, allowing me to
bounce ideas off of him and for taking the time to edit for me. He is
apparently a glutton for punishment, as he keeps volunteering to look at the
newest chapter for me. NCRaider has begun to proof drafts for me, and my
good friend Kai has stepped up to the plate and has been indispensable in the
editing process. They have been amazing, and any errors that remain are
mine, and mine alone.

My story
is also hosted at http://fitz.thestorycloset.org, which will likely be updated more
frequently than here. Registered users (free) also have access to discussion
forums and a chat room where you can talk to me and other authors from the
site. I have a Subscribed Readers Update thread in the forum for anyone
who would like to be on a mailing list.

I
apologize for the delay, this chapter has been written for a long time, but
I've been suffering from the holiday blahs, and am just now getting motivated
to submitting it.

Once I had arrived at Steve's grave,
I fell to my knees. Weeping, I poured out my heart to Steve, explaining the
events of the past few days to him.

"Steve, you were always the one
person that I could unload all of my problems on without any judgment, and the
one on whom I could rely for advice, even if it was at your detriment. I don't
even know what's going on in my life anymore. I just feel so lost without you.

"For the past few days, I've
been trying to forgive Will, but I just can't seem to be able to bring myself
to do it. I want to be friends with him again, I really do, but even that seems
like an impossibility at this point. After you died, he was the only one who
made me feel like I could talk to them about what I was going through. I just
can't trust him enough to open up anymore. I don't want him to get any wrong
impressions.

"At least one good thing has
come of the past few days, though. Will convinced me to go back to the gym
again. I always thought of it as something you and I did, more for fun than for
any other reason. I didn't realize how much I had missed it until now. I've
gotten out of shape and have let my body go. It makes me feel good to think
about being back in shape. I know that my actions this past year have probably
hurt you, but I just haven't been able to find a way to ease my pain. All of my
attempts have only hurt me in the long run. Now I'm finally doing something to
try to undo some of that.

"But I have to tell you about
something that happened at the gym. There's this guy that I worked out with
briefly the other day, and then again today. He's in really good shape, and has
been giving me pointers and tips to try to really bring my body back around. The
thing is, I find myself really attracted to him."

Even though I was still fully aware
of my surroundings, and had been told by Steve in his first appearance that he
was fully aware of everything that I went through, I was very embarrassed about
the idea of explaining to my dead husband that I was beginning to have feelings
for someone else. If Steve was here, he would have found this whole situation
to be hilarious. Then again, if Steve was here, I wouldn't be having these
feelings.

I continued to unload the thoughts
that were weighing me down.

"I tried to fight these
feelings, but this guy is just so damn cute. He even makes my knees weak by
just looking at me. I haven't felt this way about anyone since I first met you.

"Steve, this really fucking
terrifies me. Please understand that I don't really want to have these feelings
about anyone. All I want more than anything in my life is for you to come back
to me. I just wish these feelings would go away."

As I said that last sentence, I felt
a warm breeze blow. It didn't seem to come from any one direction, rather from
all directions at once. As I felt the warm breeze circulate around me, my pain
seemed to ease slightly. After a few moments, the breeze faded away.

With my head feeling clearer, I
slowly walked back to street. My feelings for Noah hadn't lessened, but I felt
better about that. I wasn't excited about the idea of having a crush on someone
else, but I felt that somehow Steve understood. And through it all, he was
happy about it.

Between working out, my long walk,
and my emotional release at the cemetery, I didn't have the strength to walk
back to my car. Instead, I pulled out my phone to call a cab to take me to it. When
I got to the car, I quickly drove home.

– – – *
* * – – –

By the time I got home, I felt like
my head was actually clear for a change. Tom and Sarah were in the kitchen when
I walked inside. I realized that I needed to start putting myself out there and
try to recruit some new clients, so without a word to the other two, which I
had not done since Steve had died. I immediately pulled out my laptop and
started to work.

Sarah walked into the room, and
called my name to get my attention.

"Is everything okay? You were
gone a while. Tom and I were starting to get worried."

"No, I'm fine. I just got a
little overwhelmed working out with Noah, so I ended up taking a long walk to
clear my head."

"Oh, so I take it that Noah is
the name of the mysterious man that you've got the hots for?" she asked,
with a quick laugh before getting serious again. "He didn't do anything to
make you uncomfortable did he?"

I blushed. "Yeah, his name is
Noah. He didn't do anything intentionally. We were talking about why I wanted
to lose weight, and he commented that he thought I was already hot. I got a
little uncomfortable, so I bailed on him.

"Before you say anything, I
know it was a chicken-shit action and I feel bad. I told him before I left that
I would work out with him again tomorrow. I didn't tell him anything other than
that I've been going through a really bad spot the past year. He seems like a
really nice guy, and I don't think that he would have said or done anything had
he known."

She just looked at me blankly for a
moment. I was a little concerned, because I couldn't read her expression at
all.

"Scott, I told you repeatedly
during the whole thing with Will that you are a very attractive man. Obviously
other men can't restrain themselves around you. But I am so glad to hear you
say what you just did. You may have been overwhelmed, but overall you handled
the situation wonderfully.

"I'm still not convinced that
you answered my question sufficiently, though. Are you sure you're
alright?"

"Yes, Sarah, I'm sure. What the
hell is this third-degree about?"

I was beginning to get irritated. I
had already answered that question, and explained what had caused my funk. I
didn't know what more she needed to know to make her understand that I was
feeling fine.

"I'm sorry; I'm really not
trying to grill you." I could tell from her voice that she was being
sincere. "It's just that you're not on The Spot. We all know that's your
usual base of operations. The only times that you've come into the house and
immediately sit down on the couch, something is really bothering you."

I hadn't even thought about what I
was doing. I had just walked into the house and started working. I told Sarah
as much. I barely got the laptop out of the way as she ran and jumped into my
lap, giving me a huge hug.

That evening, after we finished
eating, I thought of something that I was surprised hadn't occurred to me
before.

"Sarah, I've been so far deep
in my head that I haven't been paying attention to much of anything. Did the
police ever find the guy who..." I'm not sure if I would have finished that
sentence even if my voice hadn't broken. I had tears running down my face as I
vividly recalled the day Steve was killed.

Sarah sat down next to me, and
pulled me into her arms.

"Actually, only a few days
later, police responded to a robbery at a local store. The robber was killed,
but not before he shot three cops. One of them died, if I remember correctly. Anyways,
the police called your house a few days later. You were so out of it that I'm
sure you don't even remember the call. It turns out that his fingerprints were
found on the door to the house, and the gun matched the one used to shoot Steve.
I would have told you earlier, but I never knew how to bring it up."

I lay there for several hours, leaning
into her, alternating between sobs and quiet tears. The entire time, she just
rubbed my back, neither of us saying a word. I would have thought that knowing
that Steve's killer had been apprehended would have made me feel a little
better, but I was wrong. It didn't make me feel any worse, though. It just
brought back a lot of emotions.

By the time I went to bed, I did
feel better. Even though I hadn't been thinking about it, it was as though a
weight had been lifted from my chest. When I crawled into bed, I felt like I
had after I had visited Steve.

– – – *
* * – – –

I woke up on Thursday feeling even
better than I had the previous morning. Again, I hadn't had any nightmares. I
was just as excited about meeting up with Noah as I had been the day before,
but I was also a little more nervous because of the way that our work-out
session had ended. I was still a little bothered by my feelings towards Noah,
but talking to Steve the day before had done a lot to make me feel better about
them. I quickly got ready and headed off to the gym.

When I arrived, Noah was waiting
outside. As someone who has always prided himself on his punctuality, I was
beginning to get a little miffed. Four days in a row, the person I was supposed
to meet at the gym had arrived before me and had been stuck waiting. I felt a
little better when I checked the time on my phone only to discover that I,
myself, was a few minutes early.

When I approached, Noah gave me a
smile, but his eyes didn't sparkle. Instead, they looked sad. I immediately
felt guilty. I didn't realize how much I had been looking forward to seeing
that sparkle, but I did realize that I was probably the reason for its absence.

I greeted Noah, and stuck out my hand
for him to shake. He looked at my outstretched hand, but did not take it.

"Look, Scott, I want to
apologize again for yesterday. I've been kicking myself ever since you left. I'm
sorry for assuming you were gay. You just needed a buddy to be there for you,
and I fucked it up. I'm really sorry for hitting on you yesterday, and I really
hope that you'll be able to forgive me."

I was shocked. I may not be a
flaming queen, but I don't think another person had assumed I was straight
after briefly getting to know me. In the past year, both Noah and Will had
assumed that I was after my reaction to a pick-up line.

"No. It's not that at all Noah.
I am gay, it's just that with everything that I've gone through, the comment
just made me feel overwhelmed and I needed to leave and clear my head. I know I
didn't handle it very well, and I feel awful that you've been beating yourself
up over it the entire time."

Noah's eyes sparkled a little while
I spoke, which brought back the all-too-familiar weakness in my knees. The
sparkle left while I finished, but his hazel eyes were no longer sad. They now
looked like deep pools of concern.

"Is it something you want to
talk about? I'm more than willing to listen if you want, and I've been told
that I'm an excellent listener."

"No offense, Noah, but no, I don't.
I'm sure you're a great listener, but I haven't had too much luck opening up
with people recently. Besides, we should get into the gym. If you like the way
I look now, just wait until I get my flab back under control. You won't be able
to keep your hands to yourself!"

I put my hand up to my mouth as soon
as the words came out of my mouth. I had no idea where they came from. Yesterday,
I had been so upset with a mildly flirtatious comment by Noah that I had fled
the gym mid-workout, yet today I was making an even bolder statement back at
him.

Noah stood there shocked for a
moment after I spoke. He clearly wasn't sure how he should respond. After a
moment, he just lifted his mouth into a big, toothy grin, which let me know
that he had chosen to interpret it – at least on the surface – in a joking
manner. I let my hands fall from my face, and broke into a big grin of my own. What
happened next surprised me more than anything.

I laughed. Not a light chuckle,
which is pretty much all that I had managed for the past year, but an actual
laugh. Noah, for his part, just followed my lead. After our laughter subsided,
which took much longer than would normally occur for something so trivial, we
walked into the gym together and began to workout.

The majority of the workout was done
in a very comfortable silence. We would occasionally make small talk, or Noah
would give me some pointers, but for the most part, we just enjoyed each
other's presence. Well, I enjoyed Noah's, and I was hoping that the reverse was
also true.

As we were finishing up, Noah
stopped me before we left.

"Scott, just so you know, I
won't be able to hit the gym with you tomorrow or on the weekend. I wish I
could, I haven't had this much fun working out in too damn long. Unfortunately,
I have a standing weekly appointment that I can't bring myself to miss. Hopefully,
you want to get together again on Monday?"

I was going to say 'yes', jumping on
the opportunity to see him again. Unfortunately, I remembered my meeting with
Will and his friend. I asked Noah if the following Tuesday would work for him,
knowing full well that we were nearing the point of having to exchange numbers
to arrange a future workout session, something that I was definitely not
willing to do just yet – exchange numbers that is.

"Tuesday works perfectly for me.
Actually, it would have been a little bit of a crunch to make Monday work,
because I have some plans that I just remembered as well," Noah said.

With that, he put his hand out for
me to shake. I brushed it aside, and pulled him into a gentle hug. Noah
stiffened at first, but quickly returned the light embrace. I don't know
exactly what compelled me to do that, but it just felt right. After we broke
the hug, we parted, each going our separate ways. As we left, we were both
blushing.

– – – *
* * – – –

Friday morning, I woke up feeling
slightly directionless. The previous four days, I had gone to the gym to work
out, but I'd told Will that I was having trouble reconciling our past so far
and wasn't ready to see him regularly yet. Noah was unavailable through the
weekend, which bothered me a lot more than I was willing to admit.

Sarah and Tom had both left the
house for the day, so I putzed around the house for a while, and managed to get
some work done. Finally, I threw myself into giving the house a thorough
scrub-down. This wasn't really necessary, as Sarah had done an amazing job
keeping the house looking better than ever, but it was something to do.

I dusted and cleaned all the
surfaces and wiped down the cabinets. I even took stuff out of cupboards so
that I could wipe the shelves clean. Then I vacuumed the floors, and began to
scrub them. When I got to The Spot in the living room, something wasn't sitting
right with me. No matter how much I scrubbed, it just continued to bother me. Finally
out of desperation, I moved an accent rug from our bedroom and placed it over
The Spot. I'm not sure what that did, but it satiated my worries.

When I was finished, I grabbed my
laptop, and sat down on the accent rug. From that vantage point, I continued to
work for several house. Eventually, Sarah and Tom returned to the house. When
Sarah saw me sitting there, she began to cry.

I was worried. Since she hadn't seen
upset when she first walked in, I had absolutely no idea what had caused this
or what the actual problem was. A part of me couldn't help but wonder if I had
had something to do with her sudden change of mood. I jumped up off of the rug,
and pulled her into a hug. Before I even had the chance to ask her what was
wrong, she began to explain.

I had never seen Sarah at such a loss
for words. I didn't know that The Spot held any significance to her or anyone
else but myself.

"I'm sorry, Sarah. I'm not sure
why I put the rug there. I was cleaning, and I just couldn't shake the feeling
that I needed to do something. No matter how hard I scrubbed, I felt like I had
to do more. I ran out of ideas, so I tried the rug. It seemed to help, but if
it bothers you, I can move it back to the bedroom."

I was just about to break our
embrace and move the accent rug when she stopped me.

"No, don't do that!" Sarah
said more forcefully than I expected. "I'm not upset that you covered it
up. I honestly couldn't stand seeing it every day. You know...such a blatant
reminder of what happened. I know it's important to you, so I've never said
anything. I'm not crying because I'm upset. You're beginning to pull yourself
back together, and that just makes me so happy."

Her tears fell again, heavier this
time, as I pulled her deeper into our hug.

When Tom came home, there was a less
dramatic repeat of the same encounter. We just sat around and chatted, and had
a pleasant, if uneventful evening.

– – – *
* * – – –

When the sun came up on Saturday, I
awoke feeling good overall. However, my body was so used to working out every
day that I was feeling a little off. I decided to go for a run. Tom and Sarah
were still asleep, or I would have asked them to come with me.

I hadn't put any focus on cardio in
the past week at the gym, nor had I done any real running or jogging in the
past year. As a result, I found I wasn't able to run very far before I was
gasping for breath. I began to alternate between jogging and walking. I was
enjoying the nice July morning, before the heat and humidity made it unbearable.
I kept pushing myself, as I desperately wanted to force myself back into shape.
I was sore from the past week at the gym, but I was no longer going to allow
any physical pain to stop me from reaching my goal.

Like I had the past several times
that I had spent time on foot, I wasn't really paying attention to where I was
going. In hindsight, I probably should have paid more attention to that, just
so that I was aware of how far I had to go to get back to the house. I pushed
myself to a run for a few blocks, before I had to stop completely to catch my
breath.

With my hands on my knees, I looked
around and noticed that I was, once again, right across from the entrance to
the cemetery. Maybe it was just a coincidence, or maybe my subconscious was
trying to send a message because I seemed to find my way here blindly whenever
I wasn't paying attention.

I decided to take the opportunity to
stop and visit Steve again. I knew I'd been there three times in the past few
weeks, and that before that I hadn't been by to visit since his funeral. I felt
bad that I hadn't been by more frequently, but strangely I felt a little bad
that I had been coming by so frequently in the past few weeks. I almost felt
like I was disturbing him.

When I had arrived at Steve's grave,
I started to speak.

"Hi, Steve. I'm sorry that I
didn't visit you for so long. It was just so hard living here without you with
me. I also almost feel like I've been bothering you the past two weeks. I'm
sure you don't really mind, but you were always the only person I could really
talk to when I had any issues.

"I still think about you
constantly. The emotional pain isn't quite as bad as it used to be, but it
still hurts so bad. I miss you more than words can express. The only times I'm
not thinking of you is when I'm with..."

I had to stop for a second to gather
my thoughts. I needed to tell Steve more about my feelings for Noah, but I just
wasn't quite sure if I was ready, or how to do it.

"...when I'm with him," I
finished.

"He seems like a great guy. I
don't really know him yet, but he's smart and funny. He's also got a really
good body. He's actually been helping me get back into shape.

"Look, Steve, I feel really
guilty that I'm having these feelings for him. I've been trying not to ever
since I met him on Monday, but I just find myself drawn to him – both
physically and emotionally. I know you can communicate with me. Please, I need you
to tell me that these feelings are wrong. I asked you to make them go away, and
they didn't. But I need you to at least tell me that they're wrong, and that I
have to keep fighting them."

As I finished talking, it was like
the entire world stood still. A light breeze that had been blowing through the
trees stopped, and even the ambient city noises seemed to disappear. I just
stood there for about five minutes, surrounded by complete silence with the
still air hanging heavy around me.

"So are you trying to tell me
that you want me to keep spending time with him, and possibly see where this
takes me?" I finally asked.

Suddenly, it was as if the world
around me came alive. The breeze began to blow again, and the sounds of traffic
could once again be heard. I felt like Steve had just given me his blessing,
even if he had never vocalized them.

"Steve, you don't know how much
this means to me. I know that you are well aware that no matter what happens, I
will never be able to forget you, nor will I ever love you less than I did the
day you married me."

I kissed my hand, and placed it
gently on Steve's headstone. As I turned to leave, I felt a large grin spread
across my face, and with a hop in my step, I walked out of the cemetery feeling
like a new man. I slowly walked back home. The entire time, my head was filled
with thoughts and memories – both old and new. I thought about Steve, and our
wonderful relationship together, and I also thought about Noah, and our budding
friendship that I was quickly hoping might lead to something more.

When I got home, I immediately took
a shower. Between the jog in the morning, and the long walk back in the growing
heat, I was a sweaty mess. After the shower, I walked back into the bedroom to
get dressed.

As I walked past Steve's side, I saw
my ring still sitting there. I hadn't really thought about it since I had left
town. Without thinking twice, I put it back on my finger before I walked back
out into the living room to get some work done.

– – – *
* * – – –

When I opened my eyes on Sunday, I
felt more refreshed than I had in a long time. In fact, I felt like it really
was the first day of the rest of my life, as trite as that sounds. A quick
glance at the clock told me that it was only five o'clock, far earlier than I
was expecting, especially considering all of the strain my recent workouts had
taken on my body.

I was on my side of the bed when I
woke up, but I knew that I hadn't had any nightmares the night before. In fact,
I vaguely recalled having pleasant dreams throughout the night, although I
wasn't certain. I began running my fingers on my right hand over the ring that
I had just put back onto my finger the day before.

Without really thinking about it, I
slipped the ring off to study the engraving. I didn't really need to, as it was
burned into my memory, but I wanted to see it again.

Scott and Steve: Forever in Love

As I read those words, I couldn't
help but think back on our wonderful years together. I thought about the
awkward early dates, our first kiss, the first time that I told him 'I love
you', the night he proposed to me, and the day I married him. All of the best
days of my entire life. I felt a tear run down my cheek as I reminisced. It was
not a tear of sorrow. It was the first tear of happiness that I had shed since
Steve died. As I slid the ring back on my finger, I felt something that I had
not felt in the past year. I felt hope. Hope for my future.

I continued to lie in bed, thinking
about our lives together. I thought of that Steve loved to make up lists of
things he wanted to get done. Usually, he would pawn the completed lists on me,
insisting that I should do his bidding. I always complained about the
'honey-do' lists, but I secretly loved them. Steve had so many hobbies that
other than the lists, there was little around the house for me to help out
with.

As I was lying there, I suddenly
remembered that there was a list that Steve had started the day before he was
killed. Since he usually thought of things right before going to bed, he
usually kept any lists on the nightstand. I hadn't seen one, but I got up and
opened the top drawer. Sitting on top, in his hideous scribble, was his last
'honey-do' list for me.

I picked it up and looked at it,
straining to read his chicken-scratch, and amused by the only thing on the
list: 'Replace the floors'. In everything that happened, I'd forgotten that
Steve had gotten sick of the floors very quickly. They were old, and hadn't
been well maintained over the years. We'd tried just sanding them, but that had
been done enough in the past that the nails were showing. So Steve had decided
we needed new floors.

Feeling a new sense of purpose that
I had recently been lacking, I got out of bed and threw on some clothes. I walked
quietly down the hallway, so as not to disturb Tom and Sarah while they slept. I
had been deep in thought for a long time, but I still didn't think it was
necessary to wake them up early on a Sunday morning if it could be avoided.

I walked down to the basement, where
I grabbed my toolbox and the crowbar. Steve wanted me to replace the floors,
and I knew just where to start.

I'd like
to thank my readers for all the wonderful comments I have received. A very special
thanks to those of you have emailed me. Please, keep them coming!!!!

Don't
worry, there's a lot more to come!

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at http://thestorycloset.org/, visit the Fitz's Subscribed Readers
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