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Saturday, March 4, 2017

Who Else Wants to Enjoy Cat Injury Worm? *

On Wednesday night, as I sat on the couch staring at the telly by myself (Scotto was at a sexy fireman’s meeting), I suddenly realised that the cat had not galloped out to the car to greet me when I’d arrived home a few hours previously.

It was unusual as she always welcomes my arrival home because that’s how she reminds me to feed her and otherwise she’d starve to death.

I went outside calling her and eventually she emerged from the shrubbery, piteously mewing, with one leg dragging dramatically behind her.

Gammy leg: taken after treatment just so you don't think I'm exploiting my cat.

Hagar (twenty-three year old son) and I brought her into the kitchen and frenetically rifled through her fur searching for a paralysis tick whilst I desperately tried to remember the exorbitant cost of paralysis tick antidote.

“Was it six thousand dollars or two?” I pondered. “How much do I actually love this fifteen year old cat?” I internally debated.

I speculated it was $6000 for a snake bite treatment and only $2000 for a tick. I began praying for a tick.

However, we failed to find any ticks (but we did notice an inquisitive and brazen thread worm spiralling from her bum).

“Call the vet, Mum!” insisted Hagar. “Bugger the cost. She could be suffering.”

"Just shut up while I think!" I barked back as I I hearkened the cha ching of my online bank account as the numbers went down

Reluctantly, I rang the vet (whilst marvelling on how I ended up with Francis of Assisi as a son).

I didn’t mention the worm to the vet out of shame even though it’s not really my fault she spits out her worm medication or bites us when we attempt to shove a tablet down her throat.

It was with jubilation that I received the vet’s advice it was highly unlikely she was sporting a tick and it was most probably a mere injury so I should just bring her in to the surgery in the morning and monitor her overnight.

It was Scotto’s job to take her in (as I had to go to work in Woop Woop) so he placed her in the cat carrier where, during the journey, she somehow managed to place her wormy bum up against the cage door and spray the interior of his car with urine.

Thankfully it was not feaces because we all know how much cat poo stinks. Not that urine doesn’t smell but one must always look for positives.

The chief problem with this incident is that Scotto is currently driving a courtesy car whilst his bat mobile is in the workshop getting fixed.

I think he bought the IGA out of bicarbonate of soda and car deodorant.

I suspect he didn’t buy $360 worth though, which is what my vet’s bill was after an x-ray and anti-inflammatories for a torn feline ligament.

The vet deduced she’s been tarting around at night, clearly been caught in a tight spot and needed to get away in a hurry; crazy loose bitch that she is.

At least Scotto managed to convince the vet to worm her.

I’m imagining she was probably more worm than cat at that stage.

Any advice on getting a cat to take worm medication?

P.S. I bought her for $20 and she is now up to the $1500 mark and skating on thin ice.

*P.P.S If you are wondering about the title of this post, I tried out a 'Title Generator" using key words and am still perfecting it.

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