Monday, March 23, 2015

I think my cat needs an intervention.

We got our carpets professionally cleaned last week. Which, of course, means our cat spent the entire weekend throwing up all over them.

Fatty: It was the dog. Me: We don't have a dog. Fatty: Then it was the boy.

Lately, I have been coming to the realization that Fatty might have an eating disorder. You see, Fatty is always either binging or purging. The second the food slides through the shoot on her automatic feeder, she wolfs it down faster than a T Rex taking down a pteranodon. Then, 20 minutes later, the guilt of her actions overcomes her and she throws it up all over the carpet. Or the couch. Or my pillow...

We keep telling her that she is not fat, that she is just fluffy. And that all kitties are shaped differently and that is what makes them special, but she won't listen.

OK, maybe she's not just fluffy, but purging isn't the answer...

Though it may be a bit unorthodox to plan an intervention for an animal that spends half of its time sleeping and the other half licking its own butthole, I think it is time.

Fuck your intervention, bitch.

Catbulimirexia is a real thing. It's an epidemic. If your cat is exhibiting any of these symptoms, get help immediately. Because we don't need to lose one more ball of fur to this terrible disease.