Walter is starting preschool one morning a week this fall and I am freaking out a little bit, which is ridiculous, because it's only 3 hours a week, but MY BABY! When I realized he would need his own little lunchbox I literally cried. I need to get a grip.

Aw, that's pretty normal I think. My eyes teared up a bit just reading that and he's not even my kid! Not to add to your tears, but he looks so grown up in the pics you posted from Grandma's house.

Freya sleeping...ha, you're funny. Going to try again with crib this weekend and just really give it ten days and see what happens. She wants to be near me but it doesn't help either one of us to rest well. Oddly though, she and I nap together often and she is usually peaceful then.

Something really weird happened yesterday and today. I had been feeling really sick and nauseous in the mornings and anytime I was confronted with food for about a week, then I started bleeding. I thought it was my period, but that had ended 2 weeks ago. The timeline seems screwy for a miscarriage but I don't know why else I would have started bleeding.

_________________Sir Isaac Newton is the deadliest son of a bisque in space.

I asked somewhere here in the playground before about shampoo/baby washing stuff. I like the Earth Mama Angel Baby that was recommended, but after I left it at my parents house (d'oh), I found this stuff by chance, at Walgreens: www.sheamoisture.com. We got some lotion which I love for my own hands, very creamy, and some shampoo/body wash stuff for the bean. All nice, recognizable ingredients, vegan and no nasties. :)

I asked somewhere here in the playground before about shampoo/baby washing stuff. I like the Earth Mama Angel Baby that was recommended, but after I left it at my parents house (d'oh), I found this stuff by chance, at Walgreens: http://www.sheamoisture.com. We got some lotion which I love for my own hands, very creamy, and some shampoo/body wash stuff for the bean. All nice, recognizable ingredients, vegan and no nasties. :)

Aw mooo. That first set is really rough for everyone! It's so hard to see your baby so upset.

You probably already know this and stuff but, I just wanted to pass this on for anyone like me who wouldn't have thought of it: most medical practices will let you hold your baby while he gets an injection. If they don't mention it, it's worth it to ask, because there's something a lot less bad (for me anyway!) about it when the baby's in your arms versus being held down on a table. I actually have been nursing M right through his shots (after the first set, about which we shall not speak) which makes it a lot less bad for both of us.

E has never been particularly bothered by shots... he especially doesn't mind now that he gets that most coveted of toddler prizes, A FANCY BAND AID.

Thanks c&s. I thought about holding her or nursing her while she got the shots, but I guess I was thinking maybe she would feel like she wasn't safe in my arms, and it would be better to nurse her right afterwards to comfort her? I don't know. A two month old probably doesn't really think these things through.

I haven't! I should probably get some cheap ones off the internet just to keep around, huh? And we're not trying to get pregnant yet, though if I got pregnant now I think we'd go ahead with the pregnancy. Hopefully by 26/27, though! Maybe just in time for you to have a second behbeh? ;]

refinnej wrote:

Another vote for taking a test. Are you old enough that it could be that whole wonderfully weird peri-menopause nonsense?

Oh gosh, I hope not! I'm a couple months from 25.

_________________Sir Isaac Newton is the deadliest son of a bisque in space.

I haven't! I should probably get some cheap ones off the internet just to keep around, huh? And we're not trying to get pregnant yet, though if I got pregnant now I think we'd go ahead with the pregnancy. Hopefully by 26/27, though! Maybe just in time for you to have a second behbeh? ;]Yeah, you bring that up with Nate!

How did y'all know if you were ready to have another baby/were finished with your families, etc.? Now, I'm not planning on getting knocked up anytime soon (lordy), but after a long while of thinking that we'd have just one biological baby and then adopt one or two, I'm finding myself with feelings of wanting to have another. Not now, but in another year or two. Now, I'm not sure this would even be possible, as I'm 41+ now, but yeah. 43 is wicked old to be trying for baby 2.

I'm trying to work out how much of this is really the desire for another pregnancy/birth/child, or if there's some other emotion at play. I don't really know what that would be, but it's just that this feeling is super surprising. We'd only planned on one bio-baby anyway, and after our experience with Freya's birth, the thought was pushed completely out of my mind, I'd thought.

Maybe it's just that Freya, despite sleep patterns that make me want to scream most nights, is in that uber-cute baby phase. Plus, she's learning so quickly that it seems like she's growing up instantaneously. My favorite thing lately is how she goes around shouting hello to everyone now "heddo! heddo!"

I don't know refinnej, but I'm feeling the same way right now. For me I think it has something to do with the stage babynut is in (9 months). I'm putting away so many things she will never need again and it makes me sad that the little baby stage is over, even while I'm loving this stage so much now. I get a little weepy thinking about all the changes she has gone through and then wanting another soon.

Part of me wants to do it again, to properly experience the wonder that I was too overwhelmed to experience! I was so scare of breaking her and I'd love to go through the NB stage without that fear (and take pictures with my SLR not my phone). And in some ways it feels like a do-over of the birth process too - I let fear of labor dictate a lot of my choices and I'd like to be able to do it from "I know how to do this."

Plus it doesn't seem as life-altering, once your life is already altered... Though it might be!

_________________My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.

How did y'all know if you were ready to have another baby/were finished with your families, etc.? Now, I'm not planning on getting knocked up anytime soon (lordy), but after a long while of thinking that we'd have just one biological baby and then adopt one or two, I'm finding myself with feelings of wanting to have another.

I wish I knew.

The Emperor was a hard baby-- some things in common with Freya, with difficult/traumatic nursing issues, poor sleep, etc-- and that really lessened my desire to go through having a baby again. I had always wanted at least 2 kids, that's what my partner and I had agreed upon, but after E's babyhood and my accompanying PPD, I became MUCH less certain about it. I never felt any sort of sadness about baby milestones passing with E, just happiness that he was becoming more and more of a person.

When I found out I was pregnant with the Magician (a surprise), I was really, really quite sure I did NOT want a second kid. I spent about two weeks just crying all the time out of self-pity and terror. I felt sure that no matter what, I would definitely not want a third afterwards.

Flash forward to now. The Magician has been such a sweet and easy and wonderful baby from day 1. Really, it's a revelation. Some times I think about it and I am just overwhelmed with relief. I wasn't crazy or lazy or something else, E really WAS a really rough baby and things with him really were that difficult and it makes sense that I didn't enjoy a lot of the little baby stuff.

Probably because M has been such a great baby, I am really struggling with him being my last. (My partner is not at all interested in having a third, ever.) I've sent four or five bags of small baby clothing to Goodwill and I've cried with each one I've packed up. There are some particular pieces of clothing that I really can't handle giving away yet... stuff I just really loved on both these little guys... and so I have just tucked them away for now. My mantra is that I don't have to get rid of everything right now. Goodwill will be there next week, next month, next year, in fifteen years, etc.

Just going through things and thinking, "this is the last time I'll do (whatever)" is awful. Obviously you're gonna have to do everything for the last time eventually no matter how many kids you have. But I didn't expect it to be so damn hard to go through. It would be easier if I felt definitively like "this is the right number of kids, I should stop here" but I don't. And that is a surprise to me, a really sad surprise.

Blergh. Sorry! I didn't mean to go on a rant. This has just been on my mind a lot lately.

Right now I think we are done. I am only 32, and Nate is 27 so we have time if we change our minds. My Grey is much like the Emperor, I wonder if I would have a Magician if I tried again...

On another note. Last year about this time I went shopping for non maternity pants and was very upset when I couldn't squeeze into size 14 and decided that I would wait. This morning I out on a pair of size 6 pants! Feeling so much better about myself these last couple months!

with us, we knew we wanted two kids. two was the plan from before we were even really ready to get pregnant the first time. after tzipi was born, it was just a matter of waiting for the right time to get pregnant again. i knew i didn't want too close a spacing, but not longer than 3.5 years. as it was, i had baby fever bad, and we basically forced ourselves to wait until tzipi was two years old to get pregnant again. i think the timing for us was perfect. i am astounded constantly at how much easier it gets to communicate with her, and although she is actually more of a handful than she was at 2, i am feeling more confident at explaining all the new baby stuff to her now. also, mr. bird has really been able to bond a lot more with her in the last few months... she's talking, and running, and climbing, which makes it easier for him to find things to do with her.

anyway, that aside, i was completely sure i was going to be done with two kids. and intellectually, i am done with two. two kids is what we can realistically afford to raise in a way that we want to, it allows a little travel, and some frivolous stuff, and to save for college, and not need a bigger apartment or car. but, i can't help thinking that i might end up with baby fever in another couple years, especially when tzipi starts school. and who knows, we're young, our finances might improve dramatically in 3-4 years and maybe a third will look more realistic. so while a year ago i'd have laughed at you if you suggested having three kids, now i'm not so sure. mr. bird isn't sure either. i guess we'll find out.

We had always planned on 2, I guess. My daughter is enough of a handful that I did go through a pretty long phase of thinking that maybe we were done having kids, but then baby fever hit me hard when Lydia was around 18 months old. A lot of my mom friends with kids around Lydia's age were pregnant, and seeing all these other families having a second baby with young toddlers made me feel like it wasn't so crazy to try for a second.

And then I got pregnant with twins. On the very first month we tried. Oy.

Two was the number that always sounded good to us (at least once we admitted to each other that we wanted children). We both grew up as only children (I had a much older brother who left the family when I was still really young), so we both loved the idea of having an instant playmate. I especially wanted two after Ezra's birth.I'm feeling the same way about three, lb. A few years ago, the idea would have terrified me. But now it seems like an idea that I'm at least open to. We're hoping to add on to the house starting next year, so that makes me a little less anxious about expanding the family.

Glad to know that I'm not crazy for thinking of another when I can barely handle one! I do think much of the feeling is just what Butternut said about the phase of babyhood we're in. Finally, at last, the fun:work ratio is shifting toward the good!

The idea of a do-over wrt labor/delivery is definitely mixed up in there too. I try hard not to let it come back on me these days and mostly I feel pretty healed emotionally, but it still comes back on me sometimes, that sense of failure. Wanting a chance to "do it right" = not a good reason for having another child, but that emotion is there nonetheless. Though it's also one of the major deterring factors. Those few minutes when we didn't know if the bean would survive = something I never, ever ever want to experience again.

c&s, the lack of definitiveness in my emotions is what is surprising to me too. The pregnancy was pretty easy, as far as they go, but right up to the birth, I "knew" that this was the only go-around for me. My mom, when visiting, kept talking about "next time" such and such might be different (morning sickness, baby size..whatever). I was like "Mom..this is it. If you have anything you need to do, do it now because ain't no more babies come outta this girl". Lordy, if I told her now that we were even hinting at another in the yet-undetermined future, she would be over the moon.

We've been considering a move to Norway in the next year...#1 place to have a baby, they say. :)

Whether or not to have another is on my mind constantly. Walter has been easy in some ways (breastfeeding was pretty effortless, he's rarely sick, now that he's older he happily entertains himself for long stretches), but he is a shitty sleeper, and sleeping poorly for 2 years really takes a toll. Like several of you, I did not really enjoy having a baby, but I love having a kid.

For the first 18 months I was pretty sure he would be an only child, but a few things have fallen into place recently that have me reconsidering: he's started sleeping for longer stretches (8pm-4am most nights), after moving five times in ten years we've gotten our house and belongings mostly organized, and I've finally gotten back to my prepregnancy size and am feeling healthy.

I am getting a little wistful as Walter gets ready to start preschool. I also wonder if a second baby would give me a chance to be more mindful and appreciate babyhood before it passes. But would a sibling improve Walter's life or just be competition for attention and resources? He is a huge mama's boy and I worry that a baby would break his poor little heart. I have a terrible relationship with my siblings and my husband is actually estranged from his. It's going to take a huge effort not to get stuck in the patterns I was raised with, of shaming feelings and forcing siblings to play roles. I don't know if we're up for it. My husband works 9 million hours a week and does not have a lot of emotional energy left at the end of the day, and I don't know how much more I can take on by myself. But I have fetus fever. So who knows.

Before Malka was born I wanted four children, space 2-3 years apart. Now that Malka's here I'm not sure I want more than 1. Certainly at this point I've barely started to think about trying for another. I'm not willing to start again until my weight is back in a healthy place and I can't imagine that'll be less than a year from now, if that.

I want a do-over of her birth, but I also don't want to go through anything like that again. Her birth was terrible in so many emotional and physical ways, she wasn't breathing when she was born, and recovery was awful.

I want to enjoy a little baby in ways I didn't the first time around and feel like a pro, but I'm petrified that I'll be just as depressed and incapable of doing anything as I was the first time around.

I want to spend every minute I can with Malka, but I also want to spend as little time as possible with her because she's exhausting and I have no alone time or couple time, and I can't spend nearly as much time at work as I would if I were unattached. My career is still enormously important and I don't want to derail it, which I already feel is happening because I feel stupid ever since she was born, and which already happened because I looked for "easy" jobs when I got pregnant the first time.

I want Malka to have siblings because I am so close to my siblings, but I'm afraid she'll wind up being disconnected from her siblings the way my parents are from theirs. Am I only close to my siblings because we all have rocky relationships to our parents?

Can I deal with the sleep deprivation again? Can I deal with the heartache of failing at breastfeeding or am I even brave enough to try again? Can I deal with the hit having a newborn takes on my marital relationship (still not recovered)?

I don't know, but I am feeling a lot of yearning when I look at new babies.

Ugh I go back and forth about wanting a 2nd kid about 20x per day. I have so many conflicting feelings. The problem is I'm turning 40 in Dec, and my partner is 43 so if we're going to do it, we need to start trying like literally THIS MONTH. I don't know what to do.

_________________I'm not asking for utopian dreams...just a little peace in this world. That's a logical thing. - Deee-Lite