Simple Little Cry

Alone. How
many words are there to define this feeling? Motivation escapes
me, only minimum of a few things elate me. I wish I could just
runaway from me. I want to cut off all my golden hair, scrap off
patches of tainted skin, and only then, people would be able to
see the real me. If my physical appearance could be unraveled
from the start then maybe, there wouldn't be so much future
conflict, future deceit. Everything would be transparent and
clear, I wouldn't have to cry or drown in bitter demise. Here I
go again...why is this pain so visible? So near to me. I can't
steer myself outta this thought process. He'll come back. No he
won't. You'll find someone new. Like who? I'm sick and tried of
being this worn down, old, shrew. There is nothing else to hide
with, I'm out in the open, feelings noticeable as daylight. I
want to fly away. I have no support here, no one cares if I'm
suffering in this dark room, alone, and breaking. My arms are
unhooking, what will I use to hold on tight to myself with? I'll
blow away, or worse, decay slowly and willingly, because what's
there to live for?

I
have no means to, people have no means for me to as well. Just as
well, I'm better off ten feet, buried in the ground anyway, I
can't function, I cannot play. I'm unhappy this way, can't anyone
hear my pleas? Save me, or at least do us all the favor and end
me. Finally, I'm away from pain, away from illusion, and the
confusion. I'm something reborn, purified at it's finest. I'm the
finest, don't you see? The earth has finally released me. I can
now have wings, and take flight to any damn well, place I choose.
Never to loose again, because all failure is underneath me, has
escaped me, now envies me, because I am now rid of it and free
from it.

Mother never
cared to listen, relatives only watching from afar, never really
knowing or showing what pain has done to them, the easiest way is
to shun them, all of them. I've given up, life's too rough, I'm
fragile in all it's lies. They poke and prod my thoughts till I'm
forced to bleed out. I wish you all understood my cries,
affection is what I craved, but Mother never failed to cave, she
wanted me to be better, smarter than I ever wanted to be. I
guess, I never wanted anything out of this life, and if I did, it
was only to subside the missing part of me that truly never
wanted anything at all. Tall and strong, that's what you all will
be without me. I've finally ended my silent sickness, and with
some luck, maybe, I'll be able to see him again. My father. Oh,
how you've haunted my soul, I want to end it with you.