Sympathy Extended To Karen Ann's Family

Published: August 25, 1985

I would like to add my condolences to the family of Karen Ann Quinlan. Her adoptive family suffered 10 painful, agonizing years.

How fortunate for them that, through it all, they had each other; they had help, support and compassion, both privately and publicly. Through it all - and now, still - they have 21 years of memories of Karen Ann's life to reflect back on.

Karen Ann Quinlan was born Mary Ann Monahan to a woman who did not abort or abandon her child, but selflessly sacrificed so that her child might have a chance for a better life and bring happiness to a couple such as Joseph and Julia Quinlan.

Instead of memories, birth mothers are left with fantasies and wondering if their children are alive and well. Confidentiality is not a gift granted at a birth mother's request, but rather a sentence of eternal silence placed on her.

Adoption experts and enlightened adoptive families now recognize that adopted people have two families. When an adopted person dies, two families suffer a loss - yet one member of Karen Ann's family could not be at her funeral. Ironically, it was the only one who was present at her birth.

To this bereaved mother - and to all birth mothers who suffer alone and in silence - we offer an outstretched hand of compassion and understanding.MARSHA RIBEN Co-founder of Origins, An organization of women who have lost children to adoption Old Bridge The Times welcomes letters from readers. Letters for publication should include the writer's name, address and telephone number. Letters should be addressed to Editor, New Jersey Weekly, The New York Times, 229 West 43d Street, New York, N.Y. 10036. We regret that because of the large volume of mail received, we are unable to acknowledge or return unpublished letters.