"UKIP causing global catastrophe" says Prof. Cox

Professor Brian Cox, the former keyboard player with D:Ream and now a famous particle physicist and broadcaster, has expressed deep concerns that the apparent rise of UKIP on the political agenda will bring racists and anti-racists together.

"This high energy collision presents the danger of producing a quark-gluon plasma which could disturb the balance of the space-time-beer equilibrium" said Cox to Nigel Farage, leader of the UK Independence Party, during a pub lunch.

The physicist and and the former commodity broker Farage had 'robust talks' in the aftermath of the Easteigh by-election. Cox is said to be worried that UKIP's desire to 'coalesce' the views of people from all sides of the political spectrum is deeply flawed.

"Nigel, who is a good bloke and stands his round, does not fully realise what he's messing with" said Cox. "There are more things in heaven and earth, Nigel, than are D:Reamt of in your philosophy."

Mr Farage replied, "things can only get better, hic!".

Cox is infuriated by Mr Farage's approach. "let me explain it this way", said Cox: "Diffractively produced Z bosons in the muon decay channel in pp̄ collisions as s, and the measurement of the efficiency of the DØ Run II luminosity monitor... and other stuff I've done... I love you, you're my best mate you are, wezzme pint?"

Mr Farage declined to comment as he was trying to get the barman's attention.