CONTEMPORARY CHRISTIAN IN A CONTEMPORARY WORLD.
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Tuesday, 14 June 2016

8 TERRIBLE PIECES OF DATING ADVICE CHRISTIANS GIVE

I said earlier on that when it comes to the subject of dating, I tend to steer clear for now because in my head, I don't think I am qualified for it yet! But in the near future, I will come back to the concept of christian dating/relationships. Lets say for now, I am undergoing some form of training and pruning and I cant just launch out as an expert into this very sensitive area, in a generation that is so opinionated!.

All the time, Frank Powell, always says almost exactly just whats on my mind and that is why I love to read his write ups and I actually follow him on twitter. Today however, I stumbled upon this! And all I could say was YES!!! We are indeed writers of same ilk, I would say hahaha.

Being Single, I Have received some really FOOLISH advice both solicited and unsolicited! But the one that tops the scale is this "STOP BEING SO PICKY"! Anytime I hear this, I am like SERIOUSLY??? My Parents actually had to pick my country of birth, after rigorous scrutiny, they picked the nursery/primary schools I attended, when it was time for my 1st, & 2nd degrees, the onus was on me to carry out extensive research on the choice of course to undertake, the best possible uni to attend, future prospects after study etc. I prayerfully "PICK" even the church I attend, & the men and women of God I listen to, because I don't want any individual filling my head with rubbish in this day of excessive knowledge. When I go grocery shopping, I pick out the "best buy" and "best produce" with extended shelf life. But now when it comes to Marriage, I am suddenly expected to "STOP BEING SO PICKY" for a commitment that is for a Lifetime?? This advice comes across as "Smelly Poo" or "Spoiled Milk".

Lets be careful of the advice we give especially as Christians,(I am also guilty) do not take the place of the Holy Spirit!

Enjoy the Read! Most importantly, Be Inspired!

8
TERRIBLE PIECES OF DATING ADVICE CHRISTIANS GIVE

Ever
been in a conversation where a statement that is made leaves you shaking your
head? And you start wondering whether this individual has any idea the context
of the conversation. After the bad advice “pow-wow” breaks, you have to do
damage control.

But most
of the time the damage is done. This is the problem with advice, in general.
Especially if someone comes asking for it. Whether the sage (I use the term
loosely) delivers good or bad advice, the individual asking will heed it.

I wish I
could tell you Christians never give bad advice. Unfortunately, I would be
lying. This is just another product of our brokenness. Christians have a
tendency to make statements that, if they were tangible, would be some form of
smelly poo or rotten milk. And I am guilty as well.

Combine
the potential to deliver bad advice with a strange topic like dating, the
chance of smelly poo or spoiled milk increases exponentially. Let’s be real,
church. Dating is strange to us. We know we will be inevitably confronted with
it. But we are not sure what to do when the confrontation happens. Some assume
dating ends in something really bad (you know what I mean). Others fully
embrace it. The rest are just bamboozled by the topic altogether.

I
embrace dating (not me dating, but dating in general). I believe Christians
must talk about it. And we must advise people, young and old, about the
positive and negatives of dating as a follower of Jesus.

With
that said, if someone comes to you for advice, the individual expects you to
provide them with advice. But, for the love of all things good and righteous,
avoid these statements.

Here are
8 terrible pieces of dating advice Christians give.

1.)
“FOLLOW YOUR HEART.”

There is
a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.

Proverbs
14:12

Now this
piece of advice appears logical. Someone comes to you for advice. The
individual has feelings for another person. But doubt or uncertainty is also
present. So, how do you move forward? “Just follow your heart.”

Steer
clear of the rotten milk. Here’s why this statement is toxic. Riding the waves
of emotions and logic will eventually lead to a crash landing. Emotions and
logic can be helpful. They can also be deceitful. Like a blind man relying on
his cane. It can be helpful. But relying on a cane to get from the house to the
store? Not a good idea.

A better
option? Follow the advice of others. Pray for clarity. Seek the Lord.

2.) “YOU
ARE MARRIED TO JESUS. FOCUS ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM.”

This is
another piece of advice that seems good. As long as you aren’t the one
receiving it. And you aren’t a dude. Ever heard a guy receive this piece of
advice? Me neither.

This is
more a copout than a piece of advice. The statement is legitimate, yes. Jesus
must be the center of a relationship. Your love for him must be significantly
greater than your love for any other person. But what Christian doesn’t know
this?

3.) “YOU
SHOULD ALWAYS DATE TO MARRY.”

I need
to be careful here. Don’t want to contradict myself. I believe strongly in
intentional dating. I also believe strongly in Christians dating Christians
(more on this later). But refusing to date unless you are sure the individual
is “marriage material” is overkill.

Christian
dating is a lot about figuring out yourself. Not to mention having this cloud
hovering over any relationship adds unnecessary pressure to it. Dating should
be fun. It should be pure. And it doesn’t have to end in marriage. These relationships
can teach you something about yourself that prepares you for the one you will
one day marry.

I say
that is valuable. You decide for yourself.

4.)
“STOP BEING SO PICKY.”

People
who have higher standards and higher expectations for their marriage have the
best marriages, not the worst-John Gottman

Look,
marriage is forever. God designed it this way. So you should never compromise
on the values you have for a spouse. Make a list. Keep the list close. And make
sure any potential spouse meets the qualities on your list.

This
goes for dating as well. It is better to remain single for a lifetime than
compromise values just to marry. It never ends well for people who do this.

Those
who have a high standard in a spouse will have a high standard in marriage.
Having a high standard for marriage is an important value for having a great
marriage. And God desires couples to have great marriages. It is worth waiting
months or years to find the person who meets the standards you believe are
essential.

So, if
you hear someone telling you to stop being so picky, be sure the advice is bad.
Spoiled milk.

It is
better to remain single for a lifetime than compromise your values just to
marry.

5.)
“IT’S OK TO DATE A NON-CHRISTIAN…JUST DON’T MARRY ONE.”

There
are certain non-negotiable filters in dating. This is one. Christian dating can
be a field day for Satan. He uses dating like he uses everything inherently
good…To spread lies and destroy your life.

For this
reason, date someone who shares your values. Shares your passion for Jesus.
Shares your desire for purity. It’s not that dating a non-Christian is sinful.
The Bible never talks about dating. But it is critical to date people who won’t
create tension between the desires of the flesh and the will of God.

Don’t
date people who create tension between desires of the flesh and the will of
God.

TWEET
THIS!

Dating
Christians doesn’t ensure this won’t happen. But Christians should work with
you to pursue the holiness God desires.

6.) “YOU
WILL MEET YOUR SPOUSE WHEN YOU STOP LOOKING.”

You know
who makes statements like this one? People who are married…or really old. No
offense to my older people. Love you guys (and girls). The idea with this
statement is you are trying to hard to find a spouse. But you are adding
unneeded pressure and stress in the process.

This is
the picture I get when I hear this statement.

Instead
of trying to find a spouse at every corner, you proceed to sit at the house
with a bag of Nachos or ice cream. And wait. Then, magically, a cute,
Jesus-following guy or girl rings the doorbell with a box of chocolates (or,
for the dudes, a jersey from your favorite sports team), asks you out on a
date, and the rest is history.

Of
course, we know this is garbage. And if you are the one person reading this who
had this experience, don’t leave me a comment. Thanks.

The
better solution: pray for a spouse (if you believe this is God’s design for
your life). Live expectantly. Don’t force what God is not ordaining. But go to
work, school, wherever, with eyes open to how God is moving in the world around
you…Whatever you do, don’t compromise.

7.)
“SINGLENESS IS A GIFT FROM GOD.”

Again,
this is a copout answer to someone most likely struggling with singleness. Like
the woman who is struggling to get pregnant. Or the person who lost a family
member to cancer. Copout answers don’t work.

Yes,
singleness is a gift from God. I believe God calls certain people to singleness
to show himself to them in a way relationships never would. But don’t tell that
to the guy or girl who sees friends progressing down life’s natural road.

The
better response? Ask questions. Allow those struggling with singleness to share
emotions and frustrations. Encourage them in Christ. But, as a general rule,
stay away from copout statements like this one.

8.)
“THERE ARE PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA. IT’S TIME TO MOVE ON.”

I
remember the first time a girl broke up with me. I was distraught. The break up
taught me a lot of relationships and dating. But the future lessons learned
didn’t remove the present pain.

We are
not robots with an on-off switch. Relationships hurt. Rejection hurts. Moving
on hurts. Hurting another person hurts. You see the idea? We have emotions. And
dealing with emotions isn’t a mechanical process. This statement implies that
emotions aren’t important.

4 comments:

I do struggle with my singleness that I stopped seeking counsel. When am too bothered about anything I just pray about it and most times I have peace and I get a leading in my spirit that solves the issue for me. Shikina! At least I don't have to punch someone out

Ogem, you are doing it right by praying and most especially encourage yourself. The truth is that single or married, as long as we are human, we face various struggles but like every other problem we have faced in the past, it will pass at some point. You are not alone!

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Prime mover Ellyeleanor Foundation, a children's charing which provides tuition fees for children fro less privilged homes.Find out more @ ellyeleanor.org. Main editor Ellyeleanor Blog..... Everyone can make a difference if you put your mind to it.... I am pioneering a move to change the world one child at a time and to inspire moments of optimism, hope & direction via ellyeleanor.blogspot.co.uk.