WATCH: Fat Housewives, BIC's Grand Debut

The peeps in gold 'ole Memphis are planning to ratchet up the buffoonery with a show called “Heavy Housewives of Memphis" -- which, as you probably guessed, is a reality show about fat and proud Memphians. The folks over at Bravo may have a problem with that, however.

While trying to help her 12-year-old daughter escape from the custody of Department of Children's Services, Cynthia Stewart stole a police cruiser and took off. She was caught a short time later and charged with Stewart has been charged with theft. Yes, this happened in Memphis.

Now that Beyoncé's "End of Time" co-star (Blue Ivy Carter) has been born (either from Mrs Carter's own womb or via a surrogate), we wonder when we'll finally get to see the proper music video. Hopefully soon. Sidebar: Mrs Carter says she "delivered" Blue vaginally, not via C-section, as was previously reported. Mr and Mrs Carter released a statement confirming the birth. It read: "Hello Hello Baby Blue! We are happy to announce the arrival of our beautiful daughter, Blue Ivy Carter, born on Saturday, January 7, 2012. Her birth was emotional and extremely peaceful, we are in heaven. She was delivered naturally at a healthy 7 lbs and it was the best experience of both of our lives. We are thankful to everyone for all your prayers, well wishes, love and support." According to reports, unnamed hospital staffers said Mr and Mrs Carter paid $1.3 million to take over an entire floor of the hospital and renovated the area. Renovations included a bulletproof door and windows specially darkened to prevent anyone from seeing in. The hospital has officially denied all of this. In a statement a spokesperson said: "The suggestion that the couple paid $1.3 million to rent an entire maternity floor is simply not true....The family is housed in an executive suite at the hospital and is being billed the standard rate for those accommodations....The family does have its own security detail on site. However, the hospital has been and continues to be in control of managing all security at the facility. We have made every effort to ensure minimal disruption to other families experiencing the births of their own children over the past three days." On another note: The Grammy nominations were announced today and Mrs Carter was essentially snubbed. She received one major nomination for "Party" in the Best Rap/Sung Collaboration category.

Dad Jay-Z wrote song for his new baby and revealed Mrs Carter suffered a miscarriage prior to Blue, who was conceived in Paris. Here's "Glory" featuring BIC (as in Blue Ivy Carter).

Kenneth Robinson, a pastor at a church in Georgia, stole $30,000 and went on the run with one of the church members.

Mikolaj Przybyl, a military prosecutor in Poland attempted to take his own life Monday by shooting himself in the head after cutting short a heated news conference on a 2010 plane crash that killed the country's president. After hearing the shot, reports ran back into the room to find Mikolaj lying in a pool of blood. He's expected to survive

Heberto Rodrigues, a 32-year-old from Providence, Rhode Island, told police that a group of masked men broke down his apartment door and then attacked him with a machete.

Authorities in Uniontown, Pennsylvania have cited Stephen Carr for chaining himself inside a car while dressed as a woman at a Walgreens. This was the third time he's done this.

Meanwhile, in Salt Lake City, Utah, Manar Ahmad is accused of dressing up as man to steal $14,000 from her next door neighbor.

While stomping for votes (?) in Manchester, New Hampshire, RuPaul is not Ron Paul and he's not running for president.

Last week, Timmy Doyle witnessed a man beating up his wife outside a Waffle House in Cleveland, Ohio, and jumped in to help, but the man (Avery Ladd) ended up beating Timmy to a pulp. Almost every bone was broken in Timmy's face and he will need need several reconstructive surgeries. Avery -- who has a lengthy criminal record -- was arrested and, not surprisingly, his wife is sticking by him. In fact, she told police Timmy was attacking her and Avery wad defending her. Yep, she's a donkey. Hee-haw!

The spokesperson for a middle school in Gwinnett County, Georgia fails at explaining why math questions on 3rd graders' homework referenced slavery and beatings.