Rumors of a human-chimpanzee hybrid have abounded for centuries, but there hasn't been concrete proof. But then, how much proof do you actually need? Anyone who doubts that humans have fucked chimps hasn't met enough humans. Tune in to an episode of Comedy Central's "The Man Show," then tell me this hasn't happened.

Chimps and humans are so genetically similar as to be nearly indistinguishable, appearances aside. Science estimates that about 95-99% of our genetic code is identical to that of a chimpanzee. The similarity is roughly equivalent to the difference between donkeys and horses.

The practical upshot of this is that there is a very good chance that a human-chimp coupling could produce a viable offspring, just as donkeys and horses can mate to produce mules. (So don't forget to take condoms on that safari!)

So it's possible, according to the rules of science, and probable, according to human nature. So why isn't there a race of human hybrids out there wandering the earth?

Well, aside from "Who says there isn't?" one major practical consideration is fertility. It's tricky mixing species, even when they are closely related, and due to a chromosomal count issue, 99.9% of "humanzees" would be sterile, just like 99.9% of mules.

So the question isn't really whether it "can" happen or even whether it "has" happened, so much as "Can we have a look at one?"

Maybe. There have been frequent claims that one beastie or another is a "humanzee" (also known as a "sport" or a "chimera," the generic term for any combination of two genetic patterns into one individual creature). Some of the claims are more credible than others.

The most widely discussed "humanzee" sighting was a critter named "Oliver." Oliver was a sideshow star, but he wasn't like the other chimps in the traveling circus circuit. He was said to have come from somewhere in the Congo, although that claim is somewhat shrouded in mystery at this late date.

Oliver didn't like hanging out with his own alleged species and preferred the company of humans. He walked upright, he sat in chairs. He helped around the house with chores, and eventually he began hitting on the circus owner's wife, which led to his sale in 1976 to a New York lawyer named Michael Miller.

Oliver also looked different from other chimps; he less hair, a smaller chin, a smaller and rounder cranium, and pointed ears (which neither chimps nor humans normally display). Except for the latter trait, these characteristics gave him a remarkably human appearance relative to normal chimps. He also reportedly had an unusual scent, compatible neither with chimps nor humans.

According to Miller, blood tests revealed Oliver had 47 chromosomes — one more than a human and one less than a chimp. The odd number of chromosomes would also strongly suggest hybridization of some sort. (The claim was later disproved.)

Among the non-Bestiality related explanations for Oliver's freakish characteristics were mutation, spontaneous evolution and hybridization with another form of ape (such as the also-human-like bonobo, which is conveniently a sex-crazed lunatic).

In keeping with human nature, this potential ambassador to a new species was not welcomed and honored, nor was he the subject of attempts to communicate and learn. Instead, he was bounced around from "owner" to "owner," displayed as a sideshow freak, and eventually sold to a laboratory of the "pouring-pepper-juice-in-cute-little-bunny-eyes" sort.

Now, bleeding heart liberal inclinations aside, one has to seriously question the ethics of a species that is willing to imprison and torture another species with 99% of the same genes for the sake of mass-producing less-clumpy mascara, but it's even more baffling how a potentially half-human creature could be banished to this fate.

Fortunately, perhaps due to a surplus of cute little bunnies, Oliver was never required to test the effects of eating eyeliner or having suntan lotion intravenously injected. Oliver probably didn't see the bright side of this, as he was confined for seven years in a 5-by-7 cage (worse than even Camp X-Ray), until his muscles atrophied for lack of ability to move.

Oliver was retired from the lab in 1996 and sent to a chimp retirement home. He was finally called in for credible scientific testing, which insisted that he was really just a "normal chimp" with 48 chromosomes, an explanation which satisfied absolutely no one except a bunch of killjoy skeptics. Other scientists have continued to push for more research.

Oliver aside, there are some intriguing other possibilities for humanzees. For instance, consider Bigfoot and the Yeti (abominable snowman). Interspecies breeding can produce some interesting side-effects, such as in the case of the "liger," a tiger-lion hybrid which is incredibly huge, much bigger than either of its forbearers.

Could Bigfoot be some sort of human-chimp hybrid afflicted with gargantuism? Well, of course it could, but whether it's likely is another story.

Biologist Stuart Newman attempted to file a patent on human-chimp chimera genes in what he claimed was a political statement about the intellectual property rights granted to biotech companies for living creatures (the patent was rejected on the grounds that it constituted slavery, i.e., you can't own a being with human genetic material).

Whether or not you believe there are already human-chimp hybrids walking the earth, odds are pretty good that it's going to happen eventually. Scientists have already created simplistic hybrids between pigs and humans, and cows and humans. And cows and pigs are a lot less closely related to humans than chimps. The aforementioned experiments were never allowed to grow past the embryonic stage. At least, that's what they claim...

Spazz Arcane wrote:If birds could swim and fish could fly I would awaken in the morning to the sturgeons cry. If fish could fly and birds could swim, I'd still use worms to fish for them.

Pales? What do you mean pales? The two articles don't contradict each other..

What I posted deals with a lot more than Oliver, but if you want to know more about that case you should watch the documentary. I didn't think most people would be interested, but since you seem to be you should check it out. The Wikipedia article really pales in comparison.

Oliver spent time in Japan, and he was lost for more than a decade...Anyhow, for those who are interested:Oliver

Spazz Arcane wrote:If birds could swim and fish could fly I would awaken in the morning to the sturgeons cry. If fish could fly and birds could swim, I'd still use worms to fish for them.

Pales? What do you mean pales? The two articles don't contradict each other..

What I posted deals with a lot more than Oliver, but if you want to know more about that case you should watch the documentary. I didn't think most people would be interested, but since you seem to be you should check it out. The Wikipedia article really pales in comparison.

Oliver spent time in Japan, and he was lost for more than a decade...Anyhow, for those who are interested:Oliver

is there a particular reason you're suddenly infatuated with the rather pseudo-scientific concept of a human/ape hybrid

You know me. I love pseudo-scientific concepts. Honestly, I've been interested in the concept of a half human half ape hybrid for a while now..

Like the article says, it's likely possible, and therefore (based on what we know about human behavior) probable that such beings exist. There's also some word about a program under Stallin where they experimented with the idea in the hopes of making a man/ape super soldier, but reportedly no such creature was ever made.

Oliver is an interesting case. I'm not really satisfied with the explanation of how they decided he was a "regular chimp".. In Japan DNA tests confirmed that Oliver had 47 chromosomes, the number between what a human and a chimp has. Oliver traded hands several times and was lost for more than a decade. He was supposedly found in an animal testing facility...

The animal they found did not exhibit the unusual characteristics that Oliver did. To me, the two animals don't even look the same, as the Oliver from the 70's/80's had light skin while the Oliver of today has dark skin. What's more, the Oliver of today has different DNA than what the tests taken in Japan reported...In Japan scientists reported that Oliver had 47 chromosomes, but tests on the animal which is now reported to be Oliver (though he exhibits none of the remarkable characteristics that Oliver did) show that this animal is a normal chimp with 48 chromosomes. My understanding is that usually when there are two different DNA results, the conclusion is that there are two different creatures. For some reason that wasn't the conclusion drawn on this.

I think there are some important questions that aren't being asked. The issue boils down to whether or not we trust that the people who had Oliver for lab testing for a decade gave us the real Oliver, or simply swapped out another Chimp in his stead. They claim that they never actually used Oliver in any tests, but it doesn't make sense to me that they would keep a subject for that amount of time and not use it. So did they give us the real Oliver, or did Oliver die in some kind of lab experiment? In my mind, the DNA evidence indicates the latter option.

I think that there would be a strong legal motivation for a company to lie under these circumstances considering the possible legal ramifications. Watch the documentary if you want, it's very interesting.. Regardless of the Oliver case though, the idea of a human-chimp hybrid is a disturbingly probable scenario.

I also find it interesting that something with which we share almost all of our DNA with can be so profoundly different from us. It just goes to show that very minor differences in our genetic code, a fraction of a percent, can result in profound differences.

Spazz Arcane wrote:If birds could swim and fish could fly I would awaken in the morning to the sturgeons cry. If fish could fly and birds could swim, I'd still use worms to fish for them.

Pales? What do you mean pales? The two articles don't contradict each other..

What I posted deals with a lot more than Oliver, but if you want to know more about that case you should watch the documentary. I didn't think most people would be interested, but since you seem to be you should check it out. The Wikipedia article really pales in comparison.

Oliver spent time in Japan, and he was lost for more than a decade...Anyhow, for those who are interested:Oliver

In the 1920s the Soviet biologist Ilya Ivanovich Ivanov carried out a series of experiments to create a human/non human ape hybrid. At first working with human sperm and chimpanzee females, none of his attempts created a pregnancy. In 1929 he organized a set of experiments involving non human ape sperm and human volunteers, but was delayed by the death of his last orangutan. The next year he fell under political criticism from the Soviet government and was sentenced to exile in the Kazakh SSR; he worked there at the Kazakh Veterinary-Zootechnical Institute and died of a stroke two years later

In the 1920s the Soviet biologist Ilya Ivanovich Ivanov carried out a series of experiments to create a human/non human ape hybrid. At first working with human sperm and chimpanzee females, none of his attempts created a pregnancy. In 1929 he organized a set of experiments involving non human ape sperm and human volunteers, but was delayed by the death of his last orangutan. The next year he fell under political criticism from the Soviet government and was sentenced to exile in the Kazakh SSR; he worked there at the Kazakh Veterinary-Zootechnical Institute and died of a stroke two years later

just in case you guys weren't paying attention in history class, and to up the horror ante, i'd like to highlight the word "volunteer" and point out that it probably isn't the most accurate term the article could have used

SultanOfSurreal wrote:is there a particular reason you're suddenly infatuated with the rather pseudo-scientific concept of a human/ape hybrid

He seemed to latch onto it shortly after reading one of your posts - not that there's any definite correlation there mind you, just sayin . . .

Honibaz

look, at least when i make snide, drive-by style comments to you they make sense. the premise of your joke doesn't work on its own merits seeing as gabon started this thread -- with no apparent inspiration from me. the joke would only work if he was having a conversation with me beforehand or if he was posting his weird humanzee articles in a thread i started.

in conclusion your jokes suck and you should probably just fucking die already you useless old idiot

SultanOfSurreal wrote:is there a particular reason you're suddenly infatuated with the rather pseudo-scientific concept of a human/ape hybrid

He seemed to latch onto it shortly after reading one of your posts - not that there's any definite correlation there mind you, just sayin . . .

Honibaz

look, at least when i make snide, drive-by style comments to you they make sense. the premise of your joke doesn't work on its own merits seeing as gabon started this thread -- with no apparent inspiration from me. the joke would only work if he was having a conversation with me beforehand or if he was posting his weird humanzee articles in a thread i started.

in conclusion your jokes suck and you should probably just fucking die already you useless old idiot

?

You can't possibly be that stoopit can you? I was simply drawing a parallel between the intelligence level of a chimp and your own - just a casual observation there. Is it really necessary for me to spoon feed you like this?

SultanOfSurreal wrote:is there a particular reason you're suddenly infatuated with the rather pseudo-scientific concept of a human/ape hybrid

He seemed to latch onto it shortly after reading one of your posts - not that there's any definite correlation there mind you, just sayin . . .

Honibaz

look, at least when i make snide, drive-by style comments to you they make sense. the premise of your joke doesn't work on its own merits seeing as gabon started this thread -- with no apparent inspiration from me. the joke would only work if he was having a conversation with me beforehand or if he was posting his weird humanzee articles in a thread i started.

in conclusion your jokes suck and you should probably just fucking die already you useless old idiot

?

You can't possibly be that stoopit can you? I was simply drawing a parallel between the intelligence level of a chimp and your own - just a casual observation there. Is it really necessary for me to spoon feed you like this?

Honibaz

jesus christ you fucking sack of meat, i get the joke. i made that clear in my post. the joke is that gabonx began to wonder about the possibility of a humanzee just after speaking with me, because of how stupid i am.

my point is that the joke doesn't work because i haven't had a conversation with him recently, and the thread was clearly started without any sort of impetus from me. your joke sucked. and worse, you are too stupid to even properly understand the very shit that you yourself are saying.

f*ck. talking with you feels like having my balls set on fire and being locked in the chinese room