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The Dr. Oz Diet

Please read the above check list to see what I did NOT put in my grocery cart this weekend. Wow! So, I am going to make something very clear… Unless you have hemorrhoids, you would be better off not listening to a word Dr. Oz has to say. Last year he featured Gary Taubes (author of “Good Calories, Bad Calories” and “Why We Get Fat”, and one of the leading minds in nutrition) on his show and completely skewed Taubes’ low carb, high protein and animal fat dietary approach. I could not find a link to the video, but rest assured Dr. Oz’s perspective of Taubes’ diet was nothing short of an all you can eat pepperoni and pork rind diet. So upon my perpetual search of the interwebs for all things interesting, I found this above picture. This is basically Dr. Oz’s rebuttal to a Taubes-esque (Paleo) diet: Foods that consist of at least 70% carbohydrates that he does not “endorse”, yet are listed by brand on a shopping list endorsed by his insignia. Blueberry waffles? English muffins? Popcorn!?An entire section devoted to DESSERT!?!?? SHIT, I must be severely misinformed. Here I am trying to look and eat like god-damn Tarzan, and the highly edu-ma-cated Dr. Oz is telling me that I should have these things in my shopping cart. My shopping cart looks something like this on Sundays:

Tri-Tip: 2.5 lbs

Chicken: 8 whole breasts

Bacon: 1.5 lbs

Cold Cuts: 2 lbs

10 squash/zuchini’s

Broccoli: Shit ton

Spinach: 2 large bags

Romaine Lettuce: 2 large bags

Almond Butter: Jar

Olive Oil: Small Jar

Sucks to know that I’ve been eating in such a way that Dr. Oz does not approve of. I assume that Dr. Oz is also going to tell me that he does not advocate heavy lifting.

Ahh shit. This whole time… I’ve been trying to lift to put on muscle and lose body fat. I’ve been neglecting the most important way to get the body of my dreams: WALKING and keeping my caloric deficit at 100 calories. Even the most basic dated knowledge says that a pound of fat equates to 3500 calories of energy. So by Dr. Oz’s suggestion, thats a pound of fat lost every 35 days. Can you say RESULTS? YES! So I guess the hour of walking will burn the 100 calories that I need for my deficit. And in a year I will have lost 11 pounds. But of course! It makes sense that I’ve been wrong this whole time… I don’t have my own TV show, or a cool last name. I’m glad that I found all of this out in time.

Ok, enough with the sarcasm. The moral of the story: Don’t believe what you see on TV. More importantly, don’t listen to a word that Dr. Oz has to say involving being healthy or lean. Like I said, if you have hemorrhoids, go nuts. But otherwise, eat quality meats, little fruit, tons of veggies, no sugar or grains, lift heavy and often, and keep your conditioning short but intense.