Admit it, you would rather walk up ten flights of stairs to get a coaster, than recklessly fling your Crystal Light glass down and create a ghastly O shaped scar on the modern wooden sculpture that is your futon arm rest . . . right?

When we lived in our big house, I acquired over 12 coasters and put them on every single flat surface. And then bought more.

Well . . . when two coasters love each other . . . they propagate in rabbit like fashion. This left us with coaster shaped dents in our bums, slivers in the bottoms of our feet, and worst of all, chips in our teeth when mistook them for English muffins.

I am taking all but six to goodwill, before Beverage Accessory Control gets involved. We will neuter our remaining coasters.

If you pick any up from goodwill, make sure they are spayed first. And for heaven’s sake, don’t let them into your bathrooms or bedrooms unsupervised – that’s where they really get into trouble.