All posts tagged strengths

Without our strengths, we would not be able to dispel threats, dangers and alarms. We would not be able to demonstrate skill, or show off, or be able to intercede when necessary. Strengths are like breathing. We need to use them and often do, without thinking. The problem is like breathing, if we don’t know how to use them in various conditions, they may not be able to serve us when we need them most.

If you were in a smoke-filled house, wouldn’t it be important to know how to hold your breath as you got past the smoke; the smoke that kills more people than fire? Your strengths are also how you show yourself to the world around you. When you want to impress, when you want to show off, when you want to make a statement or add value to a situation, you call on your strengths to “introduce” you. Your strengths are how people see you. They are a tangible representation of who you are. We use them to perform and most people judge us by our performances.

Researchers in positive psychology have discovered that when we identify and regularly use our signature character strengths, life becomes more satisfying and meaningful.

Strengths are what I call your “Outer Cloak.” They are what you “wear” when you are out in the world expressing yourself, when you want to make an impression, when you need to accomplish a task or serious endeavor. You use your strengths. For example, you might express your strength in generosity when you are out with friends, your ability to organize in accomplishing a task, or your ability to persevere when undertaking serious endeavor.

Most of the time, however, you are unaware of the strengths you are applying. Most of the time you are unaware of how others see these strengths in you.

How do your top three strengths add meaning to your life? Let me know as I would like to hear what you say.

Values provide us a compass by which we live our lives. Although values are always present, we rarely give them much thought. Much like a compass we use on an unfamiliar hike, values provide us the platform from which we direct our lives. We judge based on the consistency of values utilized by someone.

The Barrett Values Center, in 2010, found, in researching more than two thousand private and public institutions in more than sixty countries, that: “Values-driven organizations are the most successful organizations on the planet. They found that values drive the culture as well as contribute to the employees’ fulfillment. In the book Built to Last: Successful Habits of Visionary Companies by Jim Collins and Jerry Porras, the noted the same outcome in companies they observed over several decades.

Martin Seligman, a leader in the positive psychology movement, found, through his questionnaire, that signature strengths and values fundamentally contribute to a meaningful life.

I remember, many years ago, thinking that emotions were fleeting and mercurial. They seemed to be missing a key ingredient to living fully. When I was first introduced to the concept of values I thought they were a wonderful state to aspire to. Years later, when I identified my core values, I felt a strong resonance and connection to my life. I realized that I could live from my values and when I did, life was clearer and more satisfying, with richer meaning and depth. I realized that they were my compass, the one I had been missing and to which my emotions could not relate.

I recently returned from the GALA Choruses’ tenth quadrennial music festival held in Denver. With over 130 choruses and 6,500 singers from all across the U.S. and overseas, men and women commanded the various stages at the Denver Performance Art Center, the Convention Center and other downtown locations, with amazing shows.

One chorus, The Beijing Queer Choir made its debut at this festival. For this courageous and ground breaking group, joining a welcoming and supportive family of singers was very important. You see, in China, their lives as gay and lesbian people has to remain in the shadows. Family ostracization, lack of community support, and pressure from the government to marry and have children keep their identities concealed when they are performing on stage.

The members did not want to obtain individual visas for fear that “coming out” would led to harassment and imprisonment. Although being gay is legal, it is not tolerated. Finally, three weeks before the festival in Denver began, the group was given permission to leave China and travel on a group visa, keeping their individual information protected.

Once visas were secured, plane tickets had to be purchased. As you can imagine, the cost of airline tickets this close to departure, was very high. After many conversations with various airlines, and ten days before the start of the festival, tickets were secured.

When performing in China, this eight-year-old choir performs with masks on so they cannot be individually identified. When they stepped on the Denver stage each had a mask on to cover their faces to keep their identities secret while they performed. As the interpreter talked about the great welcome and support they were experiencing in Denver, the singers, one by one, removed their masks. It was a powerful moment for the audience to watch these performers one after another, remove their masks, and reveal, for an audience, their faces, for the first time. And one singer kept their mask on to highlight the fear of retribution gay and lesbian people in Beijing have in “coming out.”

As you can imagine, the audience erupted in howling applause, tears and standing ovation for this chorus armed with courage, purpose, tenacity and commitment.

It was powerful to witness and experience the Beijing Queer Choir as they made their debut in Denver, unmasked.

Leave me a comment on how you have used courage and strength to identify and become who you are.

In a time where headlines point unflinchingly to the shocking, there is a quiet voice emerging in research that confirms what has been known but rarely spoken of through the ages. It is the power of humility.

What is humility? Humility is a state of respect where you allow others to shine as well or better than you do. It is where you give praise where it is due, where you can trust others because there is nothing to hide or protect.

I recently came across a study that was published in the Organizational Dynamics Journal that found humility to be a critical strength for leaders. It gives a leader the ability to reflect with empathy. In other words, a humble leader can look at situations and see how their actions affect others and allow for the other’s perspective as well when determining outcomes. This is huge and this is not easy.

As an example of the power of humility I want to introduce you to Konosuke Matsushita, the founder of Panasonic, the largest Japanese consumer electronics company and known as the ’god of management.’

Panasonic opened its doors in 1918 and with hope, exuberance, fear and excitement. Matsushita asked his employees to adopt and apply the value of humility as they conducted their business with and on behalf of Panasonic. With the spirit of humility, he did what most companies don’t do. He shared the company’s “secrets” with all his employees. He wanted Panasonic, even as it grew to thousands of employees, to be focused on being an inclusive team and he knew that the best way to form this type of team was through humility rather than through coercion or elitist ideology. He traded the air of superiority he easily could have perpetuated through the company with humility because he wanted his employees to feel part of his success rather than laborers of it. As a result he was revered by his employees, by the Japanese government who awarded him with many great honors and by other business owners who hired him to help them become more humble business people.

Humility, as in the case of Mr. Matsushita, included having a moderate self- regard, with a strong vision and voice so that his struggling company could become a giant both in the tech world and in the world of business management.

How do you foster humility in yourself? Do you notice a difference in your communications and connections with others when you use humility? Write a comment, I’d like to hear your thoughts.

How can you tell the good from the bad, the experts from the scammers, and the capable from the inexperienced?

I am engaging in a website redo and it has been a rough path to walk down. The first possible provider was introduced by a marketing firm with which I am affiliated. Although this provider was good at the early pre-contract conversations, he got agitated when, in late November, I decided to the potential issues as people’s minds switch between work and personal things that need to get done before the end of the year. In our final conversation, he questioned my ability to make a decision to move ahead. I had made a decision, no actually two of them: work with him, start in Jan. 2014. I pulled the plug with him, decision number three. In hindsight it was fortunate I did not choose him as only a few months later I heard his company was being investigated by his domicile state authorities for questionable business practices brought by clients. If I had run into problems with him, I would have had to get on a plane and go east.

The second designer was a referral by someone who had not used this designer but liked him as a person. This gentleman seemed to be nice and receptive to our questions and concerns. Eight months after signing the contract, which did have and I asked that he remove, no refunds or guarantees (WHAT???!), we had two pdf documents on a website that all providers, including the one we hired, told us would take 5-12 weeks to complete and be up and running. We just settled our dispute, through satisfying mediation, a few days ago.

We have hired another firm. We received our first mock up in two weeks. So far, so good.

But my question is this: How do you know the capable ones, the experts, the good, from those who are not?

I remember many years ago, in conversation with my hygienist, telling her I was frustrated with the work I had done by dentists. Crowns, for example seemed to fail within five years. This hygienist who was respected because of her own high standard of dental competency, told me who she thought the best dentist in the area was. She said he was the dentist’s dentist. The hard cases went to him. He took care to do it right. He referred so he could stick to what he did best. He interviewed his referral partners and knew their work to be at the standard he expected. A little apprehensive, I decided to visit this dentist. Although he was taken aback by my initial questions, over time we established a great respect for each other. As I expected and as he confirmed, a good crown, well placed and well-constructed, can last decades.

Back to the question. I don’t know who to trust so I have created a checklist to help me decipher between the two. It includes: types of guarantees and refunds they have; what they read or write for me to gain an understanding if they are leaders, thinkers, or doers; whether they create the same thing again and again; how they approach their industry; their references; how they deal with me as a person; what their entire contract says. I also ask them what values core to them they use in their business and how these core values are manifested with their clients. If any of these trigger concerns to me I will seek clarification which can lead to them being dismissed from consideration or being given my signature on a contract to work together.

How can you tell the good from the bad, the experts from the scammers, and the capable from the inexperienced?

Leave a comment I would love to know how you distinguish between the capable and the scammers.

Today I want to illustrate the importance of your strengths by telling you a story.

Hundreds of years ago, kings brought in their most trusted knights to the roundtable. It was here that they discussed critical topics like protecting their community, strengthening diplomatic ties with other communities, and key battle strategies.

Each knight was selected to join the table because of a particular strength they portrayed. It was the combination of all their unique strengths that together made the group so powerful.

The word that represented each knight’s strength was carved around the edge of the round table, in front of the high backed chair they sat on.

When a topic was introduced, each knight talked about how their unique and nurtured strengths would carry them through their mission. The other knights would add to the conversation with their observations of support to this strength. For example, if there was an unexpected storm that ravaged the fields, one knight’s strength of communication coupled with another knight’s strength of organizing along with yet another’s strength of maintaining security around the kingdom were combined to reduce the challenges of the disaster and keep the community united.

They understood that merely being strong warriors and personable diplomats was not enough. Most armies and sentries did that. They understood that a group firmly rooted in understanding the value of their strengths individually as well as in combination was their greatest weapon. And it was, bringing great leadership and respected safety and security to their community.

Today, strengths are still key components to a significant life. They act as great servants in times of challenge or conflict, presenting themselves as our inner advisors. We merely need to listen to and for them.

Strengthsshow up as attributes like: flexibility, focus, decisiveness, analysis, insight, humor, creativity, balance or a host of others to guide us in taking the most appropriate action. I just referred to two of mine this morning-calm and decisiveness- for a challenging situation in my own life.

Let me know what your top strengths are. How do your strengths guide you in your life? Where have you recently used them? Leave me a comment. I would love to hear your thoughts on how you use your strengths.

Recently I read an article from Forbes titled What 10 Leaders Wish They Had Known When They Were 22. Along with the career savvy advice from Sallie Krawcheck, former executive at Bank of America, and excellent reminders from Ban Ki-Moon, the Secretary-General of the United Nations, there were two comments that got my attention.

The first was from Richard Branson, founder of the Virgin Group who said: “Have a blast but build your purpose.” He continued by succinctly adding: “… if you don’t really love what you do, you won’t succeed.” To me, he seems to epitomize his purpose of making a difference in this world. He has added the cool factor to the products he delivers to consumers for decades.

The second comes from Arianna Huffington, founder of Huffington Post said: “Chart your own path to success.” She continued to say: “…chart a new path to success, remaking it in a way that includes not just the conventional metrics of money and power, but a third metric that includes well-being, wisdom, wonder and giving, so that the goal is not just to succeed but to thrive.”

I remember when I initially thought about, as a young adult, what it means to thrive. I remember when I asked the questions I’d like to share with you for you to ask yourself: What is my purpose here? What gifts, talents and proclivities have I been given that I can make an impact with?

As you think about these three questions, go deeper than listing he things you like to do. Go deeper. Reach in to your heart and find out what are the principles you live by. Describe the credos and the beliefs you stand by. These will give you your cornerstones to your unique and rich life. Knowing and having these will provide you your unique threads to your purpose driven life.

Leave me a comment how you have come to live your purpose and chart your path to success. And if perchance, your purpose still eludes you, comment about the journey you are on to finding your purpose. What are the blocks you seem to run into again, again and again? What do you need to find the meaning in your life you so very much want

If you read the last post you may remember that I talked about the value of the center. Today I am going to take that conversation one step further. We will look at the center. What is it?

In all my digging, testing, tossing, retesting and confirming, I have found that people’s center is comprised of core motivators. I am not talking about the base reptilian reactors we have: the freeze, fright, flight, or flock components. I am not talking about the mammalian forces, emotions that cause us to react to stimuli, wants and desires. I am not even talking about the rationale mind that analyzes everything for us with as much conviction as our emotions have in convincing us to do something. No, the center I am referring to lives in the calm space inside us. It is the small quiet voice within that leads us to being the truest person, making the best choices for ourselves.

Beyond the lure and familiarity of the reptilian, mammalian or rationale brain functions lies yet another universe. Science has not given this modality great attention yet. Religions and spiritual practices have focused their attention here with great appetite and insight. Recently psychology, especially in the merging cognitive and positive disciplines, has delved into this area of human expression.

Co-authors Christopher Peterson and Martin Seligman wrote in their book: Character, Strengths, and Values that China with Confucianism and Taoism, South Asia with Buddhism and Hinduism and The West with Judeo-Christianity and Islam, have all concentrated great attention in researching the strengths, virtues and principles.

After you have found and described your core principles, then you can move to creating action to support the meaning to and in your life. Viktor Frankl, in his book Man’s Search for Meaning said that purpose is where man seeks meaning. He goes on to describe how man finds this meaning for themselves: “Well, if we investigate how the man in the street goes about finding meaning it turns out that there are three avenues that lead up to meaning: First, doing a deed or creating a work; second, experiencing something or encountering someone. Most important, however, is the third avenue: Facing a fate (purpose) we cannot change, we are called upon to make the best of it by rising above ourselves and growing beyond ourselves, in a word, by changing ourselves.”

To find your center you have to take the time to look inside yourself, discover and articulate what is really important to you, not as actions,(not yet,) but as principles. Once these are clearly determined they must be defined, defined as to how they matter to you. What about them is so important to you? That importance becomes the manner in which they act as that small quiet voice in the inner calm space that override the reptilian, mammalian and rationale minds.

Once you have articulated your guiding principles you know your why to your life. Taking the time to find and articulate them is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. You will have given yourself the clarity of knowing your center, yourself.

A few weeks ago I was talking to a client who couldn’t wait to tell me how excited to they were to have everything “click into place for them.” As he said to me: “I finally understand how important knowing your values is. It makes everything else make sense. Now I know why I am so passionate about my giving.” Responsibility is his highest value and for him, responsibility means acting for the good of the global betterment with his money. He continued to say: “I don’t have to feel ashamed about my passion towards the planet. I feel a responsibility towards it. That’s who I am. Now I can be that, not fight it. I can be me, not fight me. Knowing my why makes me feel so relaxed.”

According to a 1999 survey by Public Agenda, adults in the United States cited ‘not learning values’ as the most important problem facing today’s youth.”

I encourage you to go on a dig to your center. Dig in, see what you find. There is buried treasure in there just for you.

Leave a comment. We’d love to hear from you on your views and experiences with your center.

While for many of us, winter is still raging on, let’s take a break from the cold and the storms. let’s see what we can learn from the concept of happiness.

Happiness has been studied for decades by social scientists, economists, psychologists, philosophers and those who have taken the journey to find it for themselves.

They have found that there are 3 key elements to happiness. The first two are ones they say we cannot control: genetics and the rippling effect of recent events. The third element is one we can control. It is the conscious choice to live by our principles. Now why is this?

It is because our principles represent how we usually show up in the world. Our principles act like a barometer and compass that we use in our lives to measure how successfully we feel about what we are doing. These principles are our why in life.

When we take the time to define and prioritize these core principles we find how important they are to use and how they uniquely define us as individuals by ourselves, with family when communally shared, or with our community when agreed upon collectively.

Often people look to fill space and time with activity. Doing so, researchers note may dull anxiety and worry. Chasing thrills can create endorphin rushes. However, they are transient which means they need to be chased and dulled again. The act of doing things doesn’t give a deeper part of us the “nutrition” it needs.

Humans have an appetite and need for physical food. High value nutrition is important to the body so the muscles can grow, the bones can tighten and fuse as they should. Humans also need emotional nutrition and find it in relationships, adventure and excitement. But neither of these fulfill that ephemeral side of the human that which is commonly referred to as the soul or sense of identity. This can only be found in the why of one’s life, the principles and beliefs that make ourselves feel satisfied, fulfilled and significant. This is what needs to be unearthed and developed for happiness.

When you are free I to live by your principles you are free to create your world of meaning and purpose. Get to know your principles and you will get to know your purpose which in turn will bring you happiness.