2007 Personal Accounts

The Darwin Awards salutes the spirit portrayed in the
following personal accounts, submitted by loyal (and sometimes
reluctant) readers.

Gag Reflex
2007 Personal Account

A story to make parents shudder...

Friends were hanging out in the basement, joking around and playing video
games. Andrew was irritable that night. He chose to to deal with the
situation by threat. If certain named people did not stop bothering him,
he said as he loaded his Tippmann 98 custom paintgun, he would shoot them.

Andrew assured everyone that the safety was on, and he would not shoot
unless provoked. Yet, oddly, one guy was not reassured. He jumped on
Andrew and wrestled for the gun. Andrew threw him aside, and (as he later
explained) "to prove the safety was on," he opened his mouth,
inserted the barrel of the paintgun, and pulled the trigger.

Readers confirm that a uvula does
not grow back. Jason says, "I can confirm that the uvula does not
grow back. I had a uvuloplasty, a total removal of the uvula for the
dual purposes of opening the airway for sleep apnea patients, and
reducing or curing snoring." Chris says, "I know from first hand
experience. When I was 12, a surgeon got my uvula stuck in the blood
suction tube. His solution was to cut it off. I am 27 now and still
no new uvula."

His eyes widened as the paintball fired into his throat at 300 feet per
second. He fell to his knees coughing blood, but refused to let anyone
call an ambulance. Trouble with parents would surely result! Yet his
throat was so swollen that he had difficulty breathing.

After two hours, Andrew recovered long enough to kick everyone out, and
suffer in private. He couldn't eat for three days, and couldn't talk for a
week. Once he was able to open his mouth, he realized he had blown his
uvula clean off. It was gone! And he had no gag reflex, either.

His uvula is not yet growing back, but he shows no symptoms of long term
damage. Considering how many people die or are seriously injured by
blanks, he was extremely lucky. We often tease him Andrew it. The best
part of the story is that his parents never found out!