Society & Relationships - Boddunanhttps://www.boddunan.com/topics/society-and-relationships.html
Wed, 19 Dec 2018 09:06:59 +0000Joomla! - Open Source Content Managementen-gbnoreply@boddunan.com (Information Creates Wealth)https://www.boddunan.com/topics/society-and-relationships.html?view=article&id=25514
https://www.boddunan.com/topics/society-and-relationships.html?view=article&id=25514As a subaltern, I had the privilege of being posted in the Tamil Nadu state. To be precise, I was posted at the Air Force Station at Tambaram and the unit was Air Force flying Instructors School (AFIS). it was a baptism which I have never forgotten. To start by virtue of being a member of an elite service.I was immediately given the membership of the Madras Gymkhana., one of the premier clubs in India established by the 'Goraji' during the days of the Raj.

Getting into this elite Institute was like the opening Ali Baba's cave, it gives us the magical key to social intercourse with the elite of the city of Madras, the name Chennai came much later. I was not new to the state of Tamil Nadu as I have had my early education at the Stanes High School at Coimbatore.Later as Squadron leader, I had the privilege of attending the Defence Services Staff College in the Nilgiri mountains at Wellington close to the hill station of put Ootacammand.

Relationships

I observed another major social more, my flight commander and the CO of AFIS had both married Tamil girls. Later I came to know they were Brahmins. Obviously, they were very happy. This was my first brush with the social interaction where I observed that many Tamil girls were marrying North Indian Punjabi men or boys. This phenomenon is not confined to the film world, wherein right from the time of Vyjayanthimala to Sridevi, not forgetting Hema Malini have married Punjabi men. One can say that there is some fetish for Tamil girls and Punjabi men. During almost two decades of my service in the Air Force, I have the distinction of observing this singular aspect where many officers had married Tamil girls. I will add that as far as the Airforce is concerned an equal number have married girls from Meghalaya, which has the Eastern Air Command, at Shillong

Talking about personal experience, I had the fortune or being introduced to some of the top echelon society girls. My facilitator was a local Tamil friend of mine who had studied with me at the Stanes High school and was now a fairly big merchant involved in export-import in Madras. It is not important to take any name but I can add that this was the most relaxing time of my life. I had a senior colleague a Flying Officer and he confided that he was going to marry Tamil girl brahmin. I accepted to be his witness at the court marriage which subsequently took place. The girl's parents were against the match but later relented and give a big reception to their guests and relations. Now that so many decades have passed, I have been wondering as to what could be the reason that so many girls from Tamilnadu who come in contact with Punjabi men end up being their wives. Basically, I feel this is a good thing and a sign that such unions help the so-called north-south language divide to weaken. I think this an excellent recipe for national integration. I hope in the years to come, the question as to which state or which caste you belong to will go away. India would be one big Cauldron like the USA

Mutual attraction

Just as Tamil girls are attracted to Punjabi men, so also North Indian Punjabis have a fascination for Tamil girls. There is a big language divide but this is overcome by the natural attraction that exists between these two classes in India. I wonder If sociologists can study this aspect of the relationships in India. As already mentioned there are also a lot of young Khasi girls from Meghalaya who marry Air Force personnel while in the army Naga girls marry many army officers. Most of these marriages endure and that is the best part of this entire scenario. My personal memories have been the subject of many of my stories which have been published abroad and in India, I will just say that there seems to be a mutual attraction between Tamil girls and Punjabi men. Why should it be there is a question that is not worth answering and one can only say India has a nation has to move forward. Closer home my nephew just had a love marriage with a Tamil girl who a student from the IIT at Madras.

This is just a light heart article, and I hope many will read it with an open mind.

How to balance our life?

There was a time when people were taught about the virtues of being polite. And the best example was that the tree which is full of fruits will bend towards the ground. Here the fruits were symbol of good virtues man posses. But the question looms large in my mind just how many of us care to remember what was taught to us about good behavior in our childhood!

Have you noticed how man has started to feel that he is the only one that is responsible for running this entire world or his company will fail if he will be out of it? Maybe you are an important person for your company but trust me nothing will stop even if you will not be there

We have seen people checking their phone every few minutes but why are you so worried about all the updates or feel bad when others give importance to others? Why do you feel in secured if people talk about others’ success stories or feel irritated when they talk positively about others’ achievements?

The situation comes when we spend all our time thinking about our life and forget all about living our life in a delightful manner. That’s nothing but giving a little extra respect to ourselves which invariably results in feeling of uncomfortable situation in the end.

Let me ask a simple question at this point, have you ever tried spending a few moments sitting in a park, or at a river bank. Or maybe if you live near the sea shore have you ever spent some time on the beach away from the crowd doing nothing but just keeping your eyes closed with nothing in your mind? I suggest you go through this experience for once and see the difference.

And the other point that tells us what we should do to balance ourselves for setting our own rules. That is kind of self-balancing that provides us certain important guidelines about hard-work, cleanliness, self-satisfaction and self analysis etc. I will try my best to achieve my target for the day.

Logical and Illogical

Some of us in trying to prove our point of view logical find ways that have no logics. Now, what is logic and who invents them? Logic is something that shows your understanding something with valid reasons and effect and you can say science and Math are some of the examples which show your logic. As we know for sure that Science and Math provide proven facts and solutions of all the problems they deal with although there are chances that further studies may change the facts but you can only consider it as my logic into the matter.

But if we talk about illogicalities, that is nothing but to assert to be untrue or by saying the things in opposition of what the facts are. Illogical in itself contradicts the facts or beliefs which have already established firmly. However, logic and illogical is a matter of great discussion which is going on ever since the very existence of this world and also considered a great weapon of self defense. However it's better to monitor all the points in question very carefully instead of speaking casually about anything without any reasoning. There is no alternate of reaching to a decision unless you agree to logic.

It’s also a proven fact that even during our normal discussions we experience logic is always being contradicted with falls facts. The discussion is way of understanding points of different persons but it loses it meaning if illogical views take over the reasoning and the situation turns out to be a tensed battle of words. As they say, it’s hard to cope with opposite views and especially so when there is no logic in the views as they find a new definition for illogical views to prove their point. Unless we have the power of molding our views and accept the truth which needs lot of courage and self confidence, the chances of reaching to a right decision are remote.

I wish I could help everyone

We all want to do better in our life but that should not be our only aim. You might laugh hearing me but I wish when I leave this world it’s a better society. And a better society for me is the one where people love each other. I always wanted to help everyone in my circle because that was my limit. I wish I could help everyone. But is that as simple as it sounds?

I am not ashamed to say we are running a blind race where each of us wants to beat everyone else. Perhaps they call it rat race where everyone is in a hurry to bypass someone in front of himself. Gone are the days when people wanted to help others at the risk of losing their own battle.

Did you read the story of great Sailor Lawrence Lemieux from Canada who stopped to help his competitor who was in danger of drowning midway during his Olympic race at 1988 Olympic boat race? He could have won the race easily but he did not proceed unless he saved the crew of boat in danger. He did not win the race but he won the heart of everyone.

The day we learn the art of living for others, we shall change the world. Our own life will be far better compared to our own expectations. I can only say that goodness is part of all of us and if you practice it in your real life helping others, keeping them happy, being grateful if someone else helps you during your difficult times, you will see marked changes in yourself.

How you behave with others during their difficult moments is what shows your real self, your character. You know it's not easy to think the right solutions during troublesome times. But if you can help someone during his difficult times you will feel proud of your own self.

]]>me.suny51@gmail.com (suni51)Society & Relationshipshttps://www.boddunan.com/topics/society-and-relationships.html?view=article&id=25164
https://www.boddunan.com/topics/society-and-relationships.html?view=article&id=25164When the Soviet army advanced against the Germans in the Second World War, Marshal Josef Broz Tito the Yugoslav leader complained to Stalin that the Russian army was raping and keeping many girls for sexual pleasure in its bunkers. Stalin had reportedly said that a soldier in the heat of battle must be given some leeway to "Fool" around with some girls. This about sums up the approach of the army towards women.

In my time in the armed forces, numerous incidents came where soldiers and officers had raped. There is now another phenomenon that has emerged. With the induction of women in the armed forces even as combatants, many incidents have come to the fore of sexual exploitation of younger girl soldiers and officers.Not all are rapes but in quite a few it's consensual as well, Never the less it is exploitation.

Sexual exploitation

The armed forces, unlike any other service, has a strict hierarchical structure where the superior is almost akin to god and his orders are to be obeyed. In such a situation a girl working under a superior is bound to obey his command. Failure to do this can lead to an offense under the army or AF act classified as " Act Prejudicial to good order and discipline". In the AF Act 1950 Section 65 deals with "crime". This leads to a piquant situation where a younger women combatant could have to obey her senior and work at lonely places with him or under his tutelage even at a base. This leads to love and sex and though many times it is consensual, yet in 60% of the cases, it is exploitation. We had the famous case of Captain Anjali of the Indian army committing suicide as she loved a group captain and he was double her age and married her with a son older than her. Yet the poor girl unable to marry the senior officer hung herself in Bhopal.

Women in history have always been part of the army. When the Roman legions marched they took with them many women as camp followers whose sole purpose was to gratify the carnal desire of the soldiers. this never changed throughout history and in World war II the Imperial army recruited " comfort women" to assuage the heat of battle for their soldiers. This was wrong and after the war, many lawsuits were filed and the Japanese government did pay compensation to the women mostly from Korea who was used as comfort women.

Last year the US army has paid compensation in Hawaii to civilian women who worked with the US army and were sexually exploited. Obviously, the army would not have paid if there was no smoke. Thus one can say that this sexual exploitation is universal.

Moral dilemma

Is this exploitation wrong or right? If one goes by the moral code one can safely say it is wrong, but again it is a phenomenon that is ongoing for over 3000 years. No army marched without women or capturing women as "war booty". In ancient times there was no law against it and warriors like Taimur and Chenghiz Khan followed their own rules which said:" women are war booty and fair game". Sadly it continued in WWII which is not far back. With the advent of modern jurisprudence and the principle of natural justice as well as women's rights the laws have been framed to make offenses against women a crime. A soldier committing an act of rape against civilian girl also cannot be tried under military law and has to be tried only in a civil court. These are the exceptions in the code on " concurrent jurisdiction".

Last word

Despite the passage of such statutes, the offenses against women have not decreased. One, of course, cannot justify such acts but the fact remains that such acts can never end. So long as women have an attraction for men, one can pass any umber of laws but a man in uniform will get the benefit of doubt in such cases of rape or sexual exploitation. I suppose one has to live with it.

]]>m.emge2002@gmail.com (MG Singh)Society & Relationshipshttps://www.boddunan.com/topics/society-and-relationships.html?view=article&id=25033
https://www.boddunan.com/topics/society-and-relationships.html?view=article&id=25033India is supposed to be the land of Buddha and Gandhi. A land where nonviolence is a creed and many swear by it. However practically Indian society is violent and towering above everything is a race and color bias. This is something that cannot be denied and is a common thread right from Punjab to Bangalore. Indians in fact, detest African Black Negroes. This finds expression in the word " Hapbshi"; which means someone akin to a barbarian or animal.

This color bar is deep rooted and has existed for centuries. An example is that an Indian couple will accept a white man or girl as a partner for their children, but will not accept under any circumstances a black girl or man as a part of the family. This deep-rooted prejudice against the black Negro, in real terms, flows from the scriptures which in their stories and tales in all languages extoll the virtues of a fair skin. Even among Indians , particularly in the deep South of India, black girls find it difficult to get a husband and despite many South Indians being dark in complexion, not a single heroine in the film and AD world is having a black complexion. It is as if being black is a crime.

This deep-rooted bias against black color is extended to Negroes who come in great numbers to study in India. Historically India has strong connections with Africa and thousands of Indian are settled there and running their businesses and shops. But despite this strong connection, there are reports that even Gandhi was a racist who disliked blacks. It is known that when both Indians and BlackNegroes were imprisoned together in South Africa, Gandhi wrote a wrote a letter to General Smuts, asking the Indian be given a different jail accommodation as they had a higher intellect. He is also reported to have referred to the intellect of a Negro, by making a disparaging remark when he stated: " Can you teach the gospel to a Cow?"

The bias against Negroes is thus deep rooted. One had expected that this would have been toned down after independence, but it did not happen. On the contrary, incidents of racial abuse have multiplied. About a week back a Negro from Congo named Oliver was attacked and killed on a trivial issue of hiring a rickshaw. On 26 July in a village in Mehrauli, 6 negroes were attacked by locals. Luckily the injuries were light, but the lurking undercurrent of violence against blacks is omnipresent. A few weeks back Negroes both boys and girls were assaulted in Bangalore and the government was a silent spectator. The policy was guilty of inaction and later a few policemen were suspended.

This deep bias against the Negro is fraught with terrible repercussions. It has already started with the black nations boycotting the Africa day celebrations in Delhi after the killing of Oliver. The ministry has tried to downplay the incident, but India has got a bad name.

Matters are however not that simple. There are hundreds of thousands of Indian settled in the Black African nations. They have lived there for decades and now with these attacks, they are a vulnerable lot. After the killing of Oliver, Indian businessmen were attacked in Kinshasha , the capital of Congo. They had to down shutters and escape to safety. People attacking Negroes in India fail to realize how much they are putting the lives of their compatriots in Africa at risk.

The attacks on Africans must stop. There is a need for summary trials and quick punishment. The government has promised a fast-track trial in the Oliver case, but this should not be confined to only one case and all cases of assault need an expeditious conclusion. Otherwise, the antiquated system of justice left behind by the British will be a noose around the Indians neck. The Indian people will be putting Indians settled abroad at great risk. I hope this realization trickles down to the common man. There is also a need to understand the psyche of the Negro and use of derogatory words and innuendos need to be stopped. Black or white , it's just a matter of color. The Negro was the slave in America, but now one of them became President. Indians, who are themselves dark skinned can ill afford to discriminate against more dark skinned people. It could be a laughing matter, if murder and violence are not involved.

Hindus and Muslims are the two major communities in the sub-continent and both have existed together for close to 1100 years. Hinduism first came in contact with Islam around the 10th century and a substantial portion of the Hindu community converted to the new religion. Despite both religions having lived side by side with each other, yet the unalienable fact remains that they never gelled with each other. In fact, a degree of animosity remained between the two religions and their followers.

The reason for this is that both the faiths are diametrically opposed in ethos and concepts. The enemy of one is the god of the other. While one is an idol worshipper the other believes in the concept of one god. The biggest difference is the concept of tolerance.While the Hindu by nature is tolerant, by contrast, the Muslim is intolerant and believes in conversion even if the sword is to be used. Thus, at most times both religions have been in a degree of conflict. Matters were not helped by the fact that the Muslims were the rulers and the Hindus the subjects.

This led to an unequal equation between the two. Now, it is a well-known fact that women for centuries have been the bone of contention between races and many wars have been fought over them.The most famous being the Trojan-Greek war over Helen, the Queen of Macedonia and wife of King Menelaus.

In India, the Muslims constantly desired Hindu women, both as wives or consorts and wanted them to be part of their harems. In Islam for a non-Muslim woman to marry a Muslim, it is essential that she converts to Islam. The Muslims most often as they were the rulers, many times carried out these marriages by force, by abduction and conquest and the Hindus could do pretty little about it.This continued for almost 900 years. The Hindus where they had the chance also desired Muslim women and an example is Maharajah Ranjit Singh, the Sikh ruler who had 4 Muslim wives. The difference was that he never converted them to Sikhism and when Ranjit died, these Muslim wives were not consigned to the funeral pyre.

The Situation During British Rule

The defeat of the Muslims By the English led to some respite for the Hindus from the abductions and kidnapping of Hindu women. The British enforced a uniform law and Hindu and Muslim criminal law was banned. The British did not touch personal law, with the result the compartmentalized division between Hindus and Muslims continued. Both communities desired each other's women but were deeply divided to accept a union between a man or woman from Islam to a Hindu man or woman. In real terms, any union between a Hindu and a Muslim was fraught with great risk and often led to communal clashes, despite the British being the paramount power overhead.

This state of affairs continued till 1947, the year India became free. However despite the British rule, the desire for a Muslim or Hindu woman to sleep with continued with both communities. There are cases that when Hindu men visited a brothel,more often than not they desired a Muslim girl.

One would have thought that with the passage of time running into centuries, the Hindus and Muslims would have been tolerant of marriage between them. But it never happened. Here Islam scored as it accepted Hindu girls into its fold, albeit after conversion to Islam. In contrast, Hindus were more rigid and thus reciprocal traffic was limited.

India after 1947

Jawaharlal Nehru led India to independence. The British accepted the two nation theory of Hindus and Muslims being separate people and partitioned the country. Pakistan became a theocratic state with Islam as the state religion while India opted for a secular constitution. This had it's repercussions as in Pakistan the Hindus who were left behind were at the mercy of the Muslims. There are hundreds of reports of Hindu girls being abducted, particularly in Sind and being converted to Islam and married to Muslim men. I will say that in Pakistan official policy does not favor this and the government is trying to stop this practice.

In India the Muslims became a minority and felt they were under siege. Intermarriage between Hindus and Muslims, however, continued to create tensions. The Muslims stole a march over the Hindus because of open encouragement from the Ulema. At many places, it was openly preached in the mosques that Muslim men must marry Hindu girls. I recollect when I was in Kashmir, loud speakers openly broadcast that Kashmiri Pandits should either be exiled or killed, but Pandit women must be abducted and converted to Islam and made wives.

The Indian state has not been able to cope with this insidious propaganda. In the state of Kerala a new term "love Jihad" has been coined. This word was used by the Kerala High Court to describe devious plans of Muslim youths to befriend Hindu and Christian girls and marry them.The girls were converted to Islam and many taken to Saudi Arabia and then divorced. Passions still rise when any girl from any community marries either a Hindu or a Hindu girl marries a Muslim. In UP and Bihar at many places, riots have broken out when such incidents have taken place.

In this scenario of intolerance in marriage, the Muslims appear to be ahead. They readily accept a Hindu girl in their fold. But, they are fanatic on their women marrying a Hindu man.They will insist that the Hindu convert to Islam and in case he does not do so, there have been cases of the Hindu being killed.

Last Word

Recently I attended a marriage of my senior friend's son, a doctor to a Muslim girl.She was his colleague, but I was taken aback to observe the marriage was as per Islamic rights and the boy had converted to Islam.An educated doctor doing this was a surprise to me. It also reminded me of my affair with a Muslim dentist girl when I was a subaltern posted in Bombay. We broke, as I refused to convert to Islam. More on that later.

The fact is that both communities are like watertight compartment. I wonder whether Jinnah was right when he said the Hindus and Muslims cannot mix as they are separate communities with entirely different concepts and thoughts.

Frankly I am saddened that this happens in India where both communities have lived for hundreds of years.

]]>m.emge2002@gmail.com (MG Singh)Society & Relationshipshttps://www.boddunan.com/topics/society-and-relationships.html?view=article&id=24962
https://www.boddunan.com/topics/society-and-relationships.html?view=article&id=24962One of my friends’ daughter was married last year to a boy of her choice, younger than her by 4 years and less educated and coming from a different class and religious community. This was not liked by the parents and relatives on both sides but that did not deter the young couple who were supposedly very much in love and determined to face all opposition and lead a happy life ever after. In fact, the more the opposition the more determined they were to get married and prove everyone else wrong. They were married at the registrar’s office and had a reception for friends and close family. However, within a matter of 5 months they separated and now are in the process of filing for divorce in the family court.

It was very sad and although my friend did try her level best to talk some sense into her daughter, even dissuade her from taking a hasty decision, the girl in turn cited and brought out all the very same differences between her and her husband that the parents had brought out before the marriage as reasons for the breakdown of relationship trying to convince her parents and herself that she was doing the right thing! Part of the blame also was with my friend and her husband and on their home atmosphere, since they fought day in and day out creating a very unstable and unhappy home atmosphere with one or the other perpetually moving out of the house for days together and later coming back reluctantly, which probably made the girl choose a man erratically simply to get away from home. I doubt if she gave much thought about the future prospects.

While I am definitely not against either the age factor where the girl is older or for that matter the religious differences, it is also a well-known fact that the more differences you have, the more complicated a relationship becomes and more adjustment you need to make. And, I personally feel that nowadays young couple are not ready to go all out to compromise or save their marriage or even make it work. The attitude is, if it works fine or else one can always separate and remarry later. This kind of attitude reflects even in their career choices which further weakens their own commitment levels.

The debate between love marriage and arranged marriage is an age old one with family elders and many wise old people advising youngsters to be extra cautious when it comes to choosing their life partner, more so when it is a love marriage! Not that arranged marriages are hundred percent safe but some of the responsibilities are normally shouldered by the couples' parents and immediate family, during times of distress and timely advice given when misunderstandings occur. They make sure that the couple don’t break away easily without having exhausted all possible options. Of course there are times when the family honor bit is taken too far even when there is enough reason for separation.

Change is universal

However, one cannot stop the winds of change since change is universal and the only permanent thing in life. With changed values and life style people’s attitudes and preferences too change. Relationships have undergone a change, one cannot say whether it is for the better or worse.

We have seen a spate of suicides due to failed relationships or due to disappointment among the celebrities, one such recent case of suicide is still being debated by all news channels. In almost all of these cases the girl suffers because inherently whether they admit or not girls expect more from their partners being more emotional by nature – stability and security. When they find their partners cheating on them or not reciprocating in the way they expect them to, they feel distressed and they take a drastic step like suicide. This is what comes out of jumping into relationships based solely on physical attraction.

Again going back to the good old days there was a lot of interaction between families, cousins and family elders with people visiting each others' homes and partaking in joint celebrations. Most of these activities have stopped in cities because of lack of time, distance and other factors. Many of the today's youngsters meet even their grandparents once a year if they are lucky and their interactions are never intimate and fulfilling. This also reflects on youngsters attitude in their own personal life. They become self centered and tend to take life and relationships far more casually than the previous generations did.

There is an age old saying ' When problems come in through the door, love flies out of the window '! Problems seem immense after the couple settle down to their married life and their eternal love, if it is not strong enough to withstand the initial problems of adjustments, can easily fly out quickly, thereby leading the distress and disappointment. In fact problems zoom through the door since one is never ever prepared for them and always taken by surprise at the pace at which they destroy our entire life!

During the good old times family elders acted as counselors giving the required wisdom, advise, and help that would help calm down ruffled egos and troubled marriages. Today, things are vastly different with nuclear families and love marriages becoming the norm at least in metro cities and when there is trouble, many a times things become complicated and get out of hand. Statistics show that in the past decade there have been far more number of divorces and separations than at any time in the past and number would only increase in the days to come. One cannot blame love marriages alone for this state of affairs. It is a transition that is taking place in our society when youngsters would rather have their way than compromise on what they think is their freedom and right of expression. This is true of both men and women. Education, Financial freedom and liberalisation has made youngsters to a certain extent reckless in their attitude towards life in general including marriage and family !

Is there a middle path ?

I remember a seminar I attended dealing with youngsters and their unique problems in our society. Almost 70% of the crowd consisting of mostly post graduate students between the age group of 22- 26, felt that they would prefer to experiment with sex before marriage and would want to have a sexual/live in relationship with the opposite sex before they decide to marry. In fact they felt that they may have to have several such relationships before they finally find someone of their choice with whom they would decide to spend the rest of their life. Some of them even went to the extent of saying that while sex is essential, marriage was not, so they may have several intimate relationships with no firm commitment . However, I admired their direct talk and their ability to speak their mind.

On analysing this trend of thought from the youngsters three points came to my mind ..

First of all for those wanting to settle down - where and when do they draw the line? After the 3rd, 4th or the 5th partner? And what if they never find anyone of their choice? Do they go on experimenting all their lives ?

Second point that most of the youngsters seem to forget is the emotional one. Each time you get closer to another individual you get emotionally attached to the person to a certain extent even without realising and a breakup can leave a scar and the more breakups, the more scars. This may make a person disillusioned and disinterested to the extent that he or she may become a cynic, not being able to settle down with anyone. Some of them also may end up blaming themselves for not being able to sustain a relationship and develop an inferiority complex about their own selves.

Thirdly and far more importantly, what about health issues? Do they realise that with such an attitude they are laying themselves open to health hazards if one of them has some transmittable disease .

When some of us suggested a middle path of becoming friends and getting to know each other well from all angles and only if there is a strong bond, to go in for a live in relationship, since that seems to be pretty much the norm these days. It was not encouraging to see the lukewarm and halfhearted response from the majority, although a few did agree that the suggestion was sensible. One cannot blame the now generation for being fast paced, wanting everything instantly and if things don’t work out they would go ahead and look for a different partner rather than try to compromise and work on their already existing relationships. Marry in haste and repent at leisure - this is also a reflection of changed values within our society.

This may seem drastic to the older generation and to some from the new generation as well, but one has to move with the times and accept change. A strong family atmosphere in their own homes can make youngsters seek strong commitments and also capable of giving the same to their loved ones. Broken homes and troubled family atmosphere is at the root of most of these platonic and foot loose relationships that can only lead to stress and unhappiness in the long run. As I wrote earlier this may also end in tragedies like suicides. Most suicides are never planned, and take place when an individual is extremely stressed at something and feels it is the end of the path and decides to end his or her life. In more than 75% of the cases it is the girl who is driven to such a measure.

Conclusion

Can there be a life without problems and complications? Problems are there in every sphere of life, whether within a family or between couple. What essentially matters is what you have been exposed to as a child and a teenager. When children see their parents fight the general reaction is that of insecurity and fear. But if the parents make up after a while and are back to being on normal terms, children accept this as part of life and minor argument and misunderstanding don’t mean the end of the world, it is a way of clearing the air and then move on with your routine. They also realise that conflict and difference of opinion is bound to be there between people and needs to be dealt with in a mature manner. Having witnessed this in their own homes, they will be able to handle their relationships in the same manner . Children coming from homes where they become part of an abusive relationship or from broken homes find it very difficult to adjust to a normal relationship. Although in some cases, where the youngster is intelligent and has clarity of thought, that fact itself might spur him or her on to do better with their own lives and relationships rather than follow the example of their parents or elders.

This is precisely why we need to teach our youngsters to be persistent and not give up easily, which trait reflects in all their dealings and activities and has far reaching effects into their adult life. One cannot give a perfect life but one can try to make it as secure and loving as possible. Because a strong bond within the family acts as a rudder and an anchor that helps the youngsters withstand and float along when problems come rushing in.

( image - google)

]]>kiran8bhandary@gmail.com (usha manohar)Society & Relationshipshttps://www.boddunan.com/topics/society-and-relationships.html?view=article&id=24811
https://www.boddunan.com/topics/society-and-relationships.html?view=article&id=24811Some time back I had attended a seminar on medieval warfare, with special reference to the Rajputs. One of the speakers extolled the valor and fighting abilities of the Rajputs. He further commented that Rajputs never compromised their dignity and that was the reason the Rajput women committed 'Jauhar' ritual death by burning. In this way the 'honor' of the Rajput women was saved. At the end there was a question answer session and I asked the speaker as to what was the reason that the Rajputs gave their daughters in marriages to Muslim nawabs and shenshah's ( emperors), thus condemning these poor girls to a life of endless drudgery in a harem. Obviously it was an uncomfortable question and the man fumbled for an answer. He trotted out a lame answer and stated that probably Rajput princesses themselves were happy with this arrangement. This is an absolute lie as in 100% cases these Rajput girls had no say and were coerced to marry Muslim kings and emperors and were thus condemned to pleasure the Muslim ruler and die in the harem.

I have been looking at this aspect of Rajput character and have wondered how a race so brave and forthright could have succumbed to the level of giving their daughters into harems of Muslim emperors. One must remember that warriors who win battles always covet women. She is a booty for the victor and there is nothing voluntary about it. This was also in the Middle ages in Europe as well. I remember watching a movie with Micheal Caine, the top English star where he played a warrior in the Middle ages. After he wins a battle the first thing the warrior claims as his prize is the wife of the vanquished. Thus a vanquished man parts with his women as a gift for the victor. One can recollect the sack of Delhi by Timur Lang in 1398. After the sack Timur captured more than 2000 ( this figure may vary) Hindu women of great beauty for his harem and his noblemen. It was the spoils of war.

Field Marshal Viscount Barnard Montgomery of El Alamein in his "History of Warfare" has an entire chapter devoted to warfare of the Hindus. It is a chapter that is worth reading and he has some excellent observations. Montgomery is well known as the British Commander who hit Rommel and his Afrika Corps out of North Africa with a six and stopped him at the battle of Al Alamein, about 60 miles of Alexandria in Egypt. He is a veteran soldier and his observation carry merit. Monty as he is popularly called extols the bravery of the Rajputs. What is bravery? It is courage in battle and a fatalistic contempt of death. The Rajputs had this in ample measure, but they lacked strategic sense and study of the finer points of the art of war. This resulted in defeats and more defeat while facing the Turko- Muslim invaders.

An example is the battles of Tarain fought by the last Hindu king of North India , Prithviraj Chauhan against that ferocious fighter Mohammed of Ghor. In the first battle in 1192, Ghor who faced a combined charge of the Rajput army was found wanting and was defeated. The logical course for the Rajputs was to pursue Mohammed of Ghor and capture him. However misplaced notions of tolerance and lack of strategic concept allowed Ghor to escape. He returned the next year, chastened and wiser and once again met the Rajputs in the second Battle of Tarain. Incidentally Tarain is close to modern Panipat. He came with a proper plan, while the Rajputs relied on their old tactic of a massed charge. This failed as Ghor was ready. Prithviraj was captured, blinded and killed. So much for tolerance. In addition one other factor was the lack of unity among the Rajputs, thus negating a principle of war namely unity of command. One of the Rajput kings named Jaichand sided with Ghor. This was like the straw that broke the camels back and after this battle the Rajputs were decisively defeated in every battle with the Muslim invaders.

The crown at Delhi passed into the hands of the Turks, who were late displaced by the descendents of the Mongols, led by Babur, who founded the Mughal dynasty. Babur came to India in the 16th century and won his first battle at Panipat against Ibrahim Lodhi who had a Turkish origin in 1526. Till the arrival of Babur, the Rajputs fought bravely against the various dynasties who ruled Delhi like the Slave dynasty and the Khilji dynasty. Sadly in all these battles the Rajputs failed or were defeated. This was the period when the Rajput morale was at a low ebb.At that time some advisors and weaker Rajput princes hit on the idea of placating the Muslim rulers at Delhi with Rajput girls for their harems. This is the stark reality and yet most Indians still talk of chivalry of the Rajputs. Giving your daughters and princesses to be part of Muslim harems cannot in any case be cited as an example of chivalry. Yet this is a fact of history.

There were some isolated examples of some Rajput women committing Jauhar, ritual death by burning when their husbands were defeated in battle. But it was a negative concept and not to be eulogised as I wonder why could not these women take up the sword and die fighting like Joan of Arc and Bibi Harshimran Kaur, then jumping into a pyre and burning themselves to death. Muslims coveted Rajput and Hindu princesses and many went out of their way to have a bevy of Rajput girls in their harems. Some like Akbar were tolerant and allowed the Hindu princesses to continue with their Hindu rituals, but the stark fact is that a Rajput princess when she entered a Muslim kings harem only left it when she died.

The Rajputs (though many will deny it) thus made a compromise. To use modern parlance they used women and sex to achieve what they could not achieve in battle. Perhaps their repeated defeats including those of their stalwarts like Ran Sangha and Rana Pratap unnerved them. Many Rajputs also accepted the fait accompli and took service under the Muslim rulers, who one can say were generally fair in their dealings with them. Some famous generals of the Mughal army were Rajputs. But the bottom line was the gifting of Rajput princesses into the harems of the Muslim rulers. The Rajputs thus made their peace and were rewarded by being allowed to be local rulers under the imperial durbar at Delhi. To my mind it looks like crumbs thrown to hungry people.

The Rajputs were very brave, there is no doubt about it. The British acknowledged this and classified the Rajputs as a martial race and incorporated them in their Rajput regiments in the British Indian army. Yet this gifting of Rajput girls for Muslim harems is a fact that is difficult to explain. In particular there was no reverse traffic of Muslim princesses marrying Rajput kings. This dichotomy needs to be examined and studied. There seems no rationale explanation as to why the Rajputs were coerced into this arrangement and why they accepted it for nearly 400 years. It only died down after the death of Aurangzeb and the rise of Maratha power. Later the capture of India by the East India Company put a full stop to this practice.

The life of Rajput princesses in Muslim harems has not been commented upon much by Indian writers. Only a few western writers/ historians have written about it. Life was generally not bad, but living the life of a concubine can never be the same as living as a free Hindu princess. Most harems were well stocked and had a world of their own. It is a peculiar Muslim concept, but later many Hindu kings like Maharajah Ranjit Singh also adopted this concept of the harem and the reverse traffic also started, like Hindu kings marrying Muslim girls.

Coming to the point of the Rajput psyche, it needs further study. One must find a rationale explanation that a race classified as martial ended up by giving their women to the very people who vanquished them. Maybe the explanation is simple and its a matter of victory and defeat and using women and girls as spoils of war

How would you react if I say that respecting others’ opinion is one thing but taking that literarily is neither necessary nor that puts you in a situation which strengthens their own position by putting you down nor makes you feel inadequate and unsuitable for moving up the career ladder , so why worry about something which is not relevant! This is simply a situation which will weaken your position. But that is not easy to convey indirectly through what one says, rather than stating it explicitly. However it all takes time since you cannot change your way of thinking overnight. So let them say what they like but you act and move on your own as like.

Change your ways but according to your own capabilities. If you run after money, fame, a better job that is not wrong. Everyone is after these things but you must know your limitations and if you are limiting all your efforts around these activities or looking for things which some others with more capabilities than yourself then you’re probably in for disappointment. If you wish to remain happy avoid things beyond your control and you know that for sure.

I know myself better than others

I might be sounding bit different and I accept that I am a bit different today and there is a reason for that. It is for the first time one of my articles has been rejected and the reason for rejection is the editor did not find use one particular world in the title appropriate. He said he had never heard that word ever before. He could be right because when I goggled that world most of the people who had used that particular world were corrected by people in comments because most of them were from western world and neither of them had heard that word before.

So what I did I replaced the word with what I thought was the nearest possible word but send a link to the editor on his personal mail. He was astonished reading my mail and even apologized for his action but I did not mind it. I know we all have our limitations and work within them. That rejection shook my confidence for a moment but I knew I was right so did not give up only changed a bit to adjust others view although I could have gone into a prolonged controversy which would have brought no result for me. Actually I am no more new to experiences like these but that was my first rejection so it shook some of my confidence for a moment but I did not let the experience override him because I did not want to give an ignorant much importance.

Actually speaking this was my first rejection ever but certainly not the first experience where a personal opinion had disappointed me or pained me. I have gone through such incidents at number of times during my job also but more so during my online work where we have not met the people in person. I have learned to stay neutral on all such occasions but sometimes I have countered these people, mildly and with decency though. I respect them all but trust me I do not care a bit how they think about me, no more.

The virtual world is different from real world

Let me accept, some of us have started to believe on falls things more than realities of life. We have started to believe virtual world more than the real world. I do not believe in how many friends do I have on Facebook and how many likes I get on my posts because I have not met more than 70% of my FB friends in my life. I do not feel happy because I am associated with hundreds of FB groups but I feel great when my real friends enjoy their evenings with me.

My satisfaction level does not go up or down when I see the directory of my mobile phone increasing. In fact the virtual will never replace the real world as I have a firm faith that technique will never replace the happiness that you get in presence of real friends. I suggest you to come out of the virtual world and your home and meet the world in person. Let me also tell you that there is just one person in this world whose opinion matters to you more than anybody else’s and that is YOU. If you care for others more than you must then there is nothing that will ruin your career. So it’s important you respect yourself and do what you think is best in your own interest.

Fear of rejection

When a person thinks too much about rejection or cares about others more than needed that is clear indication of our fear for others’ opinion. Do you really feel that they will get away from you if we would not agree to all their proposals or upset them in their unjust demands? As far I am concerned I have not much care for people with a particular point of view- how would they react! That’s none of my business. I know you may experience criticism and more circumstances but you cannot change all of them. And if you cannot change this or others criticizing you for things which you cannot change then why worry about them.

You know what in certain cases I have decided to cut all such people out of my life. I don't need people stay around me who make indecent or discriminatory comments. I have decided to set certain boundaries with people who have no business to criticize me for no reason. It may take time but once you have decided to not care about unconcerned persons the matters end there. You reach to this decision once you know that people are not worried about your worries but they are concerned about their personal gains.

You must learn from your own mistakes

There is a very common factor that most of us realize that rejection or not being part of a particular popular group, our body finds it tough to cope with certain situations or decreases its resistance to disease. I am in a way helping myself by staying away from all such activities. When we fail to achieve or make a mistake that becomes public we feel like the entire world is laughing on us. But, are you sure that it’s the reality? In my views it’s not because most people fail in their efforts to get success so you must know it as it’s a universal truth. No one in this world has 100% success record. You win some and at the same time you lose some, more or less. I am the one who get tougher with every failure. I learn from my mistakes.

We must know our positive side

We all have positive points in us but do not know them but we mostly concentrate of negative points and keep worrying about them. I sometime feel to maintain a business like ledger having credit and debt sides and start posting my own positive and negative points and make a balance sheet in the end. I hope this should boost up my self confidence in the end. I suggest you think about your higher self which means the sounds you hear reminding you that you’re right. You should keep consulting your own self and listen to him, I am again sure you will not regret that you heard and trusted your own inner voice.

Sometimes they are right

Yes, it’s not wise to reject all the opinions out rightly but give them a thought before doing so. Some of them may prove right or even precious too. But as I said you’re the best judge and you have to see whether they come good on your own way of thinking. I guess one is experienced enough to see the value of a particular opinion. You will have to decide about all such opinions on their merits. It takes time in getting rid of certain habits and caring about others excessively is one of them. Once you learn to trust your own decision keeping others away out of your personal matters you will see your confidence level going up instantly. But do not forget sometimes they are right too.

Do you know we have close to 7 billion people on our planet and some of them (maybe I am being modest while using the word 'some') but the fact that all of them going to difficult to deal with them. In fact, we meet people every day with whom it's not easy to get along with at least all of the time. Let’s accept the fact that it becomes depressing at times but it's really hard to change most of them as you would prefer or like them to be and the worst part is maybe they think they same abut you at the same time. So what should you do? Think something keeping in mind that you cannot simply change the way they think or their ideologies, temperament or personalities are entirely different from what you expect.

Whatever the reason but if you come across people suddenly while you’re cruising along on a successful life path without a care in the world. Maybe you try to get along with them but it’s not an easy task to meet their demands. Maybe you don’t lose much but they certainly leave their signs. And the signs are never pleasant since all such people are always difficult ones with different mindsets. Some of them are aggressive while some others are quick-tempered and you have plenty of them are behave like dictators.

Just how can you do that?

Here I remember about a coworker who hated going to tour with juniors, incidentally I was a junior manager then. He was not my kind as he was not only too aggressive but short tempered and worst of all to proudly just because he was 8 years senior than me but I had to work with him rather under him so I had no choice but to face his attitude. It went on for couple of trips and I had reached to stage where I had started to believe that the man was impossible. In fact, he had started to treat me like an enemy or maybe he took me for a spade.

But then one day I suddenly realized that my own behavior was getting worse so I decided to change my attitude. I woke up a little earlier that fine morning when we two were on a trip in Karnataka and staying in the same hotel room. I planned an experiment to treat him differently that day imagining that senior manager was my great friend and not the manager only. I had asked myself a simple question while in the process of making out that plan despite knowing the fact that a person trained in such matters like a psychiatrist can chalk out such plans but an ordinary person like me had to face lots of trouble changing someone having complex behavioral problems.

But I thought, can I change this person or let the situation go on or should I carry on tolerating him the way I was doing. The answer I got was, you can do it, you can change him but you will have to be patient while dealing with this person in a different way. We all face such people and I can assure you we all can find ways how to tackle them but the only condition in achieving this goal is one should not lose his cool during the entire process otherwise there will be not much difference in between that person and you. The process may take time but if you have enough patience trust me you will succeed in the end. In my case, I can still remember first he was skeptical at my first move but started to understand my point, in fact he had no choice but to change his behavior.

Can I change them all?

The answer is, in 99% cases, ye you can change people with complex behavior having difficult personalities but the fact very few people prefer to go through the process of such a complex procedure which in some cases might even backfire so a plan B should be kept ready if you have decided to go with such a plan. As I said, the plan may backfire and in some cases it can even worsen the relations to a point where the chances of recovery are remote. But if you wish to go on with your plan you should check-

Do you really need to change him?

Do you feel you can get success?

You are not afraid that things might get worse?

You think he is willing to change?

You should know the fact beforehand that difficult people do not change to please you so your efforts could prove futile and if something to that effect happens you will not change your attitude toward that person because you knew it from the beginning.

What are your options?

Now if you cannot change the behavior of a difficult person you have left with only two options, either you let the things go the way they are going or get out of the situation believing that you cannot do it. And that is true up to some extent. Everyone is not trained for changing the behavior of persons like these but everyone or almost everyone knows how to let things persist or continue in an opinion or course of action in spite of difficulty rather than facing the stiff opposition. There is no harm going with second option too unless you have a foolproof plan for changing the difficult person. You can find out your chances of success or situation by reading the below mentioned points-

Why should I go ahead with this useless plan

I will talk to the higher authorities

I may lose my own calm so let me avoid it

I will feel bad but I will tolerate him

Everything will be fine in due course

I will kill him in my imagination

There are some healthier ways of thinking

I will do my best to keep myself calm and cool

I will do the best according to situation

I will stay away from the emotions

I will not lose my own status

I can see his insecurity or inferiority

I would not report him because I myself do not like people who do that

I do not want to lose my sleep by dealing such people

I can handle the situation when the time demands it

I do not keep such matters in my mind but trust in forget and forgive

In fact, you can have many excuses to keep away from any act of reformation of such persons thinking that it’s not your business but if you feel so, you should reduce your mingling with such kind of people if you can help it. In fact, you are trying to solve a problem where your chances of doing so are almost nil.

Should I leave him forever?

That is one of the questions that come to your mind when you find yourself at the end of a closed lane but ask yourself a simple question, is that possible in all cases? Sometimes, you behave bitterly with such people but even that is not the solution for your problem as the other person does not understand your point or is too shrewd to understand. So what’s the limit you have set for yourself? Don’t you think tit for tat is one of the best remedies in such a case? Now you have two options at your disposal, either you try to change him or leave him forever. If you have decided in favor of first choice go ahead and try to change him but if you have decided in favor of leaving him aside and move on maybe you’re not wrong. When you have already moved on and looked back you will see you were right at your decision.

Conclusion

Everyone tackles difficult persons with their own methods. While some of us succeed handling such personalities most of us failed at that since some of them become violent in the process. The best way to deal such people is to act according to situation. Go deeper into the matter and chalk out a strategy which you feel can work and if you feel the man is impossible just leave and forget him. However, you should avoid the situation which you find impossible to come out from.

Most of us hear that there are thousand and one ways of loving in the world while some others feel there are as many ways of love as count of people in this world. But majority of people think the love is not limited words but love symbols are as important too. People have created many symbols for expressing their love. In fact love symbols in a way assist lovers describing their feelings which often elude them when it comes to show their feelings or emotions whatever you call it and the time thus saved is an important factor in the life of lovers.

Talk of the love and symbols like Cupid, Apple, Harp, heart, maple leaf, rose, shell, triangle etc come to your mind immediately but if we talk in terms of Indian lovers the chances are you will think of Moon, stars, bees, a large black bee (bhramar, bhounra) pair of birds, flowers and thousands more. But if we look at the most used symbols by writers, poets and photographers the pair of birds seems to be the first choice. Watch a pair of birds sitting close together on a branch of tree you will notice they really look like a pair of lovers. So, if some of the poets and writers call them love-birds sounds perfect in their context.

Sometimes when I see a pair of birds sitting together touching each other tenderly makes me feel the matter is not limited to symbols only but they really live the life of true lovers which we expect from human couples as well but it is strange to see that the pair of birds live as true lovers especially the adult couples always live with each other in complete togetherness, totally dedicated to each other. The important fact is that in case of death of their partner the other one never couples with another bird but lives a lonely life forever. Most of us may not find it true but the love for these birds is priority for which they can leave everything else.

The Great Tits

Recently a British university conducted a research on great Tits birds, a bird which resembles to our own Muniya also called Minias (the scientific name Lonchura). But the bird the ‘great tit’ is in fact is a passerine bird from Tit family “The Paridae” to be precise. The Great Tit is found in Europe, Middle East, in Central and Northern Asia, and some of the North African parts. The bird Great Tits generally do not go to other places like some migratory birds barring the extreme winters but in nearby areas. These birds cannot be petted as they love their freedom more than anything else.

Great Tits with black colored tails, heads and multicolored wings lives openly in woods in pairs showing great love for each other. This might sound strange but this bird uses different sounds to communicate with their partners and scientists have so far recorded almost 40 different sounds which they used to send their message to each other. There is much more to their habits apart from living always together and the important part is that each of the partner bird forgets all about their past life once they stay in together and even forget the places they used to visit for food before.

After the pair begins to live together they chose the place for food of one of the partners and totally forget their own place. These birds spend more time sitting together than going out in search of food etc. It will be more fascinating to know that these birds avoid other birds of their own specie or other species but prefer to spend most of their time in the company of their partner bird. In fact, once in relationship they change most of their habits and dedicate themselves to their partners in totality.

The bonding

All this sounds strange but the fact of bonding that these birds show to the human species is something worth following which the human has started to forget lately. There is no doubt that human has spent far greater time together, have better cultural and social history but at the same time we have been facing several social problems emerging due to complications developed in our relations. I remember the story of a young couple both of whom came from rich and affluent families, and strangely they wanted to test their love for each other and whether they will be suited for a long term relationship and finally to test their relationship they both begun to live together. However, a few months into their agreement the boy dies in an accident.

The girl became so upset that she started to see her boy friend in every male. That is a long story how the girl went to a foreign land and meets a look alike and falls in love with him. The rest is suspense and drama which is possible in movies and TV shows only but that is kind of love we see in birds. For sure, we the humans cannot compare ourselves with these birds since their way of living is not only altogether different from us and far more simple but a question often comes to mind- Can’t we learn something from the birds and live a more stable life. Can’t we avoid the trending system of separation of partners at the drop of a hat which is increasing by the day? I am sure there is lot more to learn from Love Birds which will make us happier and healthier.

Conclusion

As the saying goes the LOVE is only a four lettered word but we all find and experience it at some point or the other. We all remember the time we first fell for it and the fragrance of it still looms large in our minds. Most of us have experienced the beautiful emotion which the love brought for us but the true love has remained one of the greatest choices of every human being but the problem is we are continually losing the true feeling of love and finding physical attraction taking over. The true love seems to have been limited to storybooks in most cases.

Image source- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_tit

]]>me.suny51@gmail.com (suni51)Society & Relationshipshttps://www.boddunan.com/topics/society-and-relationships.html?view=article&id=24447
https://www.boddunan.com/topics/society-and-relationships.html?view=article&id=24447India is home to the best erotic literature and art in the world. Even the invaders who came to India were overwhelmed with Indian erotica and added their own concepts and experiences to the formidable array of erotic literature available in India.

The British who came to India and ruled for about 200 years also had many erotic works penned by writers in India. One of the most erotic books written in India and relates the experiences of a British army officer titled "Venus in India" is one such work.

The book is supposed to be penned by an officer of the British Indian army called Charles Devereaux. But on research people have concluded that no writer by this name existed and also no such officer existed. However the authenticity of the book and the fact that it refers to the British-Afghan war of the late 19th century cannot be doubted. Researchers have now concluded that the book was probably authored by Major Crommelin Henry Rickets, an officer of the British Indian army. His parent unit was the 5th Cavalry stationed at Madras, but he probably saw action in the Afghan wars. He served in the Indian army for 21 years and then retired. He probably took the pseudonym Charles Devereaux as he wanted to conceal his identity for writing such a erotic book. Never the less the book " Venus in India" is one of the great erotic books set in British India.

The book faithfully describes army life in British cantonments and their interactions with each other and the Indian maids who worked for them. The novel is in the form of a memoir of a young British officer in one of the cantonments in the North West Frontier. The writer does refers to Naushera, close to Rawalpindi. It relates the love episodes of this officer with 3 sisters who are daughters of a serving Army Major. There are sub plots as well and the sex encounters of the father (Major) with the Indian maids and other interesting episodes adds to the thrill of the book.

The book is written in excellent prose and in no way can be termed obscene and that is why it is considered one of the best erotic books of the 19th century. It also gives us a glimpse of army life. I suppose not much is changed in the Cantonments even now.

I will recommend this book for all to read. It can easily downloaded from the net or bought from Amazon. I have read it at least thrice and it never fails to enthrall me. So happy hunting.

]]>m.emge2002@gmail.com (MG Singh)Society & Relationshipshttps://www.boddunan.com/topics/society-and-relationships.html?view=article&id=24316
https://www.boddunan.com/topics/society-and-relationships.html?view=article&id=24316Islam is the fastest growing religion in the world. This is one aspect that cannot be ignored. The teachings of Islam centre on two sources. These are

a) The Koran, which is the word of god

b) The Hadiths. These are published about 200 years after the death of Prophet Muhammad and are the exact words of the Prophet as heard by his disciples

Both these sources complement each other and create a picture of Islamic paradise. The Koran explicitly states in sura 52-56 that a Muslim who spends his life in service of Allah( God) and lives his life as per the injunctions of the all mighty, will after death be rewarded with virgin wives in Paradise. The Koran does not specify the number, but the Hadiths further state that the number of such virgin wives will be 72.

The verses in the Koran extoll the virtues of the virgin wives and there is a detailed account of them. The Koran states that these virgin wives will always have their hymen intact and after intercourse they will have the capacity to become virgins again. In other words the hymens will be regenerated. There is also a detailed description of their breast which will never sag and these women known as Houris will be hairless and have only eyebrows. Their sweat will smell like musk and overall they will be a fitting reward for a true believer. For a further discussion and description of the Houris the translation of the Koran can be referred.

Most Muslim writers have accepted that the concept of a Islamic paradise is sensual The Koran also mentions that they will reside in a large palace with all comforts and an unspecified number of boys will attend to the true believer.

The concept of the 72 virgins is an excellent motivator. Some Muslim writers say that this concept of paradise can be interpreted in another way, but the belief as stated in the Koran is sacrosanct and brooks no deviation. As the Koran is the word of god, all that is stated about the Islamic paradise is absolutely true and beyond the pale of discussion.

]]>m.emge2002@gmail.com (MG Singh)Society & Relationshipshttps://www.boddunan.com/topics/society-and-relationships.html?view=article&id=24285
https://www.boddunan.com/topics/society-and-relationships.html?view=article&id=24285The British ruled India for close to 200 years. From the time Robert Clive won the Battle of Plessey in 1757 to 1947 they were the imperial rulers of India. Along with this is the fact that just about 100,000 Englishmen administered a vast country of 250- 350 million( the population at that time). Most of these Englishmen worked with zeal and genuinely loved India. It is also known that thousands of them worked in far flung areas all alone, without any female company. This was a dangerous period for the lonely Englishman, as he was often prey to his sexual desires and ended up by sleeping with his maid. in effect the Indian maid became the mistress of the house . In many case these maids also became pregnant and their offspring became the Anglo-Indians.

This was the state of affairs in British India for close to 200 years and there is one movie titled "Before the rains' that gives expression and credence to this fact.The movie starring Rahul Bose and Nandita Das was produced by Merchant Ivory production and garnered over one million dollars at the box office. It was made in English and faithfully depicts the sexual liaison of an Englishman in a remote corner of kerala with an Indian maid played by Nandita Das.The role of the Englishman is depicted with great conviction by Linus roache.His love scenes with Nandita Das, who plays the maid have a degree of finesse and lovely to behold.

The movie states an obvious fact that the maid culture of maids as mistresses of lonely Englishmen was a fact of life. This aspect has not been touched by most indian writers and it required Merchant Ivory business house to produce a film and highlight this fact. The English were benign rulers and treated their subjects with due courtesy and respect. The propaganda by pseudo nationalists that the British Raj was all bad is a canard, best thrown into the dustbin. The maid- master relationship is actually a theme of the Victorian age, where we read so many tales with the maid asking the master " Sir, was I good?"

The maid -mistress culture lasted for as long as the Raj( an euphemism for British rule). After the British left in 1947, this culture did not end and the new rich and ruling class copied this aspect of the Raj. We do have tens of maid now working in the houses of the ultra rich and sexual liaisons are very much part of the scenario.

]]>m.emge2002@gmail.com (MG Singh)Society & Relationshipshttps://www.boddunan.com/topics/society-and-relationships.html?view=article&id=23942
https://www.boddunan.com/topics/society-and-relationships.html?view=article&id=23942"Confidence comes not from knowing you know everything, but from knowing you can handle what comes up".....Donn King

We all have fears, fears of not being accepted, fears of failure, fears of losing someone we love, etc. But life is not only about these fears and these rejections, but it is much more than that. It is about feeling alive and loving yourself.

Some few years back I used to hover about what other people thinks about me and that whether they like me or not. I used to get very disappointed and sad if someone didn't like me or did not pay attention to me. I used to feel neglected. But as I grew older I started thinking over and questioned myself that is it really necessary for everyone to like me and accept me? I thought and thought and finally arrived at the answer. The answer was "No". Everybody is different and we all have our limitations and choice of thought. For e.g., when you are in a group of people, ask yourself do you always feel like talking to everybody or you are more comfortable with a selected few. The answer is simple we choose people with whom we are comfortable and like talking to and it does not necessarily mean that we hate the others.

The world does not hate you. Stop brooding about what people think about you. Instead focus on the positive side of the people you meet. Be generous and ignore negative comments. When you are in conversation with a person try to focus on what the person is saying and listen carefully. Focus in that conversation and politely accept the person's point of view. Opinions may differ but that does not mean that the person does not like you or has something in mind.

Focus on your strengths. We all were born with some specific talents be it cooking, music, sports, your sense of humor, public speaking, etc. First thing in the morning is to look at the mirror and take pride in yourself. God is kind and has gifted each of us with some specific qualities. Take pride in them and nurture those qualities. Whenever you are feeling down or sad or insecure try to focus and think about the qualities you have and try to look into the positive side of your personality.

Get over your insecurities. Even the smartest and the most successful men have insecurities. The only thing is that they know how to deal with them. So it might seem silly but start with writing down a list of the fears and insecurities you have. Now try to understand and find the reason behind such insecurities. After doing so try to solve them. For e.g. if you fear a person who is always nasty with you or insults you try not to avoid that person, instead stand up to him and confront him but never avoid his glance. Make that person understand that you are not afraid of him.

Improve your interpersonal skills and communication skills. Cultivate your communication skills and improve your listening power. Whenever you are in conversation with a person first try to listen to what he or she is saying and then think and answer. Try not to be hasty and don't shy away from people.

Do not compare yourself to others. Try to be content and happy with whatever resources you have. Do not compare your life with that of your friend's or your colleague's or someone else. They might not have something which you have. So you may never know, so stop comparison instantly.

Follow your heart and your instincts. Believe in yourself and follow your heart. Even if you are wrong you will learn through your mistakes.

Be positive. A positive attitude can win hearts. Take compliments graciously and do not shy away. Again, compliment people for their achievements and qualities with a genuine smile. Try to help others and you will see you are only helping yourself.

Adhere to your principles. Be strong and focus on your principles. Always try to stick to them as much as you can and never give up with the slightest of distraction. When you are true to yourself you will feel an inner strength within yourself that never compromises under any circumstance.

Take care of yourself. Take care of your health and lead a healthy life. Take healthy food and do some physical exercises. A fit and healthy body gives rise to a fit and healthy mind. Sleep properly. Work out a beauty regime. Wear well fitted dresses and dresses that compliment your personality.

Avoid negative contacts. If you have friends and people in your life who has a negative influence and you feel like their presence is stopping you from having mental peace in your life avoid them. The same goes with the choice of your career. If you are not happy with your present job and you feel it is hampering your growth try to find an alternative career.

Enjoy your present moment. Live in the present and do not get overwhelmed by the mistakes of the past.

Confidence is a state of mind and it just needs some practice. Do not fear the possibilities of rejection. Even in job interview you might not get the job that you have applied for, but that is not the end there are thousands of jobs there in the market. One just needs to believe in oneself that it is not the end of the world. Try to surround yourself with people who brings a positive impact in your life. Don't waste your time with people who tries to put you down. Instead focus your energy in doing something constructive.

]]>taniyachoudhury@gmail.com (Taniya Choudhury)Society & Relationshipshttps://www.boddunan.com/topics/society-and-relationships.html?view=article&id=23816
https://www.boddunan.com/topics/society-and-relationships.html?view=article&id=23816As human beings, all of us are bundles of emotions and feelings. Many a time, we allow our emotions and feelings to get the better of us. More often than not, such feelings and emotions, land us in deep trouble -- particularly, when these feelings or emotions lead us to a vicious cycle of "ifs" and "buts".

We should realize that "ifs" and "buts" are very dangerous in life. They can ruin any person's self-confidence, can cause huge harm to one's self-esteem and lead one to disaster of a tall order.

It is this vicious cycle we should be wary about.

How it happens

When we are caught in a spiral of self-doubts, we are constantly put down by "ifs" and "buts". For example, we tend to ask ourselves, "am I really capable? Can I really reach that position?" and immediately rationalize the same with" but, I am not ambitious, let me forget it". This is one example of how the cycle starts.

Similarly, when we need to take a bold decision to face a new environment, a new job or a new skill in a new context, we tend to ask "what if I can get the same in my own area, near by native place?".

In Tamil Nadu, this is a real problem. Many young people do not want to face the realities of new environments, or new skills. Only the urban, upwardly mobile are ever willing to do so.

The educated unemployed from semi-urban or urban areas, even if offered very good jobs in metro cities or emerging metros like Cochin or Coimbatore, simply give one excuse or the other, most often, family reasons.

"But I have a very old father to take care, you see", they will tell us right in the beginning.

"If" is also related to wishful thinking of very lazy people. "If I get a good lottery amount, I can become rich", or "If I can marry a rich girl, I can settle fast" are some examples. These thoughts simply run down the person, and he becomes a liability to society and his own family members in every small or big way.

"If", at the other extreme, is often associated with criminal activities and criminal thinking, often the main subject of any TV serial in any language, these days. Once this starts to become a big thought, he or she lapses into a bigger spiral of dirty thoughts and action.

At one extreme, it can lead to thoughts like "what if I can rob my neighbor? and to other extreme thoughts like "what if I can rape this girl?". and so on.

Such negative thoughts always lead to negative and criminal actions.

It is but essential that we get over such thoughts at the earliest.

The role of "buts" in our lives is even more dangerous. Most "buts" are always fashioned to make us perpetually aligned to be on the defensive, and we can never get over such defensive positions.

For example, "but I do not have the resources", "but I think I will not be able to manage the huge expenses in a huge city" are very common examples.

We can easily reserve the trail of our thoughts and actions, if we seek feed back from our good friends, and then try to become very positive in our approach.

We should realize that without any risk, we cannot achieve anything in our lives. Similarly, serious efforts always lead us to positive outcomes.

Exploring new opportunities, examining various possibilities and so on, are always within our reach and our control. We can indeed make a big difference, if only we try.

We can make a huge difference to our lives, when we are focused and can relate to the opportunities in a very big way. "Ifs" and "buts" are very dangerous in our lives. We should get over these through constant effort and action.

We should not become slaves to our own weaknesses. A very conscious decision to avoid being trapped by "ifs' and "buts" can be easily made by any individual, who just needs to be ever vigilant. As mentioned earlier, a big emphasis on feedback, if given, can and will help us to get over our weaknesses regarding "ifs" and 'buts".

]]>apadharnasivakumar@yahoo.com (ABSIVAKUMAR)Society & Relationshipshttps://www.boddunan.com/topics/society-and-relationships.html?view=article&id=23813
https://www.boddunan.com/topics/society-and-relationships.html?view=article&id=23813It is often tossed around as if it were a million dollar question, when in reality, it is just a matter of simple common sense and application -- I mean, the idea of developing trust.

Trust is a very basic human quality, which can be developed. However, there are several ground rules in which this has to be developed, as also nurtured as a basic human trait, that one can obviously see and experience in any human being.

The first ground rule is to be absolutely honest in whatever we tell or do to others. For instance, if we can really help another person, with money when he or she needs it badly, we can give it readily if it is available with us. Or, if we are very sure of mobilizing it within, say, one week, we can promise the same to our friend. However, if after one week, we cut a sorry figure and ask him or her to excuse us for not being able to arrange the money, we are sure to have broken the trust, lock, stock and barrel. This is a very harmful experience for the person, and he or she would never ever forgive us for the same, for any length of time.

Of course, if he or she is a nice person, with a kind heart, we would be excused but the hurt will remain. It is also possible that he or she will stop relating to us in the same way, as they would have done, before the event.

Secondly, it is extremely important that we do not have any weakness like drinking, smoking, or having relationships with more women and so on. These weaknesses, which are basically bad habits, can easily put off any person or family, or even our own family members, including our parents. They would never trust us, for, they would start wondering how we would behave in particular circumstances, for example, when we are under influence of alcohol.

Thirdly, if we were to make a lasting impression and appear as a reliable person, we should have good relationships with everyone, including those who are in positions of power. They would respect us for what is commonly called as position power. For example, those who do good social work, and are easily seen as very honest and reliable in social work, get many admirers. These relationships often involve very powerful people, who would easily take our word, and do some help or the other.

For instance, in the matter of jobs, such social workers normally enjoy a huge amount of trust, and can easily recommend good candidates from poor families.

Fourthly, in developing trust, we should be very honest in our personal life. If we avoid paying income tax, if we harm others, if we indulge in unfair business practices, or try to cheat others in even the very small way, those whom we normally deem very close to us, will simply desert us.

This happens mainly because people always look for role models. They look for people, whom they can refer to as "good and reliable" people, as we would normally have a good name in society, if we were to be good, law-abiding citizens. Even the smallest diversion in terms of decline in such values, is enough to destroy trust, often for ever.

Fifthly, it is extremely important that we are frank and open. Promising the moon, or making loud statements but not delivering on any promise, particularly if it involves helping someone to find a job or help to get married to some good person known to us, and the like, will harm our reputation for ever. If we had only said that we would try our best, or give an answer after all effort, we would still be respected.

Lastly, we cannot and should not try to undermine the importance of any other person, or adopt any fraud means to make others believe that we can be trusted. If we do this, others will easily see through our game, and our reputation will be lost for ever.

To be sure, no one will ever approach us for anything at any point in time.

Trust is something that can be developed over a long period of time. However, consistency in both thoughts and deeds and result-oriented action is a big must. If we can demonstrate that we can be really trusted, we would have implanted a firm idea in the mind of the other person, and this will happen if he or she is clearly able to observe our behavior consistently.

Trust often takes at least seven to ten years to develop. Reliability is a cousin of trust, and would often be in-built in the former. In fact, one cannot be trustful if he or she is not reliable.

There are any number of changes taking place in the society, and it is very much natural that we are also tempted to adopt short cuts to achieve success. However, if we need to develop a wider cycle of influence, we have to do it and personally lead a very honest life.

To lead a honest life, even in today's times, is not at all impossible. A firm "no" to shortcuts, in both the short and long-term can work like mantras and do us a world of good.

Trust is absolutely essential in human relationships. It is very important in the family and in relationships with the wider society. We all need to consistently work at developing trust, as a passion, as a big desire and as a way of life. If we do so, we would have done ourselves a world of good, and also would have contributed to the society in some small way.

]]>apadharnasivakumar@yahoo.com (ABSIVAKUMAR)Society & Relationshipshttps://www.boddunan.com/topics/society-and-relationships.html?view=article&id=23797
https://www.boddunan.com/topics/society-and-relationships.html?view=article&id=23797As adults we often face various challenges in dealing with our aging parents. This is the time when we are required to do the role-reversal with our parents. Now we are the one who has to take responsibility, provide care, and maintain a healthy relationship with our parents. This seems quite easy to say, but in reality it requires great deal of maturity and effort from our side.

As we grow up, our life complicates. Now, we have to take care of our family and take responsibility of our children as well as take care of our aging parents. Our minds has to do multitasking and often this stresses us out. At the same time our parents are also aging and they too require our attention, care and support. Often in doing so, we fail to keep a balance between our relationships. All this time our parents were the supporting pillars in our lives. Suddenly with time when we are expected to do the role-reversal we stumble in the process. This is quite natural.

In case of a sick parent, death of one parent, or financial instability there might be an increased need of support both emotional and social from our side. We now have to take extra care of our parent by providing transport, health care, financial support, and care giving. At this time we may often feel extra burden in our lives. So proper management of issues and effective decision-making can help us to tackle this situation.

A healthy childhood often eases the relationship with our aging parent. The relationship we shared with our parents all these years now bears the fruit. A comfortable and loving relationship and most importantly an understanding between the adult child and his parent is of utmost requirement. But it might not be the case all the time. In some cases, an adult child might share a strained or troubled relationship with his or her parents. Some unresolved conflicts can instigate problems and issues in the relationships. In such cases, this might generate negativity and again trigger conflicts between the aging parent and the adult child.

As we grow up new relationships come into our life such as our spouse, our children, our friends and so on. Gradually our dependence on our parents diminishes. We lose our attachment to some extent. Our needs change but the moment we feel the threat of losing a parent this sense of dependence or attachment with our parents emerges and we suddenly feel lost or scared. At that time helping and providing care and support to our parent gives us comfort.

How can we maintain a healthy relationship with our aging parent

Understanding your parent's needs: As our parents age there is bound to be certain limitations to their behavior and needs. They might get cranky, agitated or upset over small issues especially if they are sick and fragile. As we age our memories diminish so do our sense of reflex. If a parent forgets certain important things it is needless to poke or coax them. Forgetting things is quite natural at their age. Instead we can ignore or help them to remember. Do not let them lose their self-confidence. Ask your parent what does he or she need at this time. Try to provide a comfortable living arrangement.

Work out conflicts and be honest with your parent: We should try to reconcile any old unresolved issues or conflicts that we have with our parents. Our parents love us unconditionally so remembering old fights and conflicts will do us no good. Instead try to resolve those issues. For this we need to be completely honest and transparent. Talk your hearts out. Let your parents understand and know your feelings. Listen to what they have to say. Even if they are unreasonable, which is quite common at their age try to reconcile and adjust to that.

Spend quality time with your parents: We can adjust our work schedule and work out a time which we can spend with our parents. Going out, watching movies, family dinners and get-togethers, helping parents with shopping and their hobbies will not only develop a healthy relationship with our parents but also help us to relax and unwind. Ask your brothers or sisters to join you in this process and enjoy the time as a family.

Accept parents as they are: Every individual is unique. We may not like some behaviors or habits or lifestyle of our parents, but this is the lifestyle that they have been following for years now. Nobody can change it now so it is better to adjust and accept their present lifestyle. Embrace their imperfections and failures. Take example from your own life. Go through your challenges as a parent or as a husband or as a wife. Don't we have imperfections and setbacks too? So does our parent. Acknowledge and appreciate for the love and life that they have given to us. Imagine your own life as a parent. See how difficult it is. Do not remind them of their mistakes but instead talk about their success and achievements.

Encourage your parent: Encourage your parent to have an active and fruitful life. Introduce your parent to new avenues and new hobbies. Let them view life as a beginning of a new chapter. Help them if they have faced any challenges so that they do not get into depression. Involve your kids into activities that include their grandparents.

Learn about your parent's aging process: As we age numerous changes happen both physically and mentally. Aging parents might tend to withdraw or seclude themselves from us. In that case, try to talk to your parents about any particular need or expectation that they have from us. Some might not like the presence of a caregiver or a nurse or a doctor in particular. Try to arrange an alternative so that your own relationship with your parent is not strained by these differences. Also talk to your parents about how they can help you in this process. Ask them kindly to cooperate with you.

Respect your parent's opinion and give them their space: Your parents deserve utmost respect and love from you. Ask them for advice and respect their opinion. They have experienced a full life and their knowledge is precious. Give them respect and ask your children to do so too. Your children will learn from you. Try to give personal space and privacy to your parents. Every human being need some privacy and individual time. Talk to them and ask them what they need.

A family cannot thrive without mutual love, support and dependence on one another. As our parents age, do not think that they are helpless or a burden. This is the cycle of life. From the day we are born, we all are dependent on each other sometimes as a child, a wife, an adult, or as a parent. Dependence comes with love and affection towards our family. It is the very thread that binds us together. Adulthood and aging is a journey. Help your aging parent physically, emotionally and spiritually. Make them aware of your love and support. Involve your family, children, and your siblings in the process. Do not hesitate to ask for help. Try to take care of yourself too. Often in the process of care-giving we get stressed out so we need to relax as well. Enjoy the process to reduce stress and anxiety. The more love we spread the more love we get in return. The love and care that we share now will only help us to cherish their sweet memories in future.

]]>taniyachoudhury@gmail.com (Taniya Choudhury)Society & Relationshipshttps://www.boddunan.com/topics/society-and-relationships.html?view=article&id=23689
https://www.boddunan.com/topics/society-and-relationships.html?view=article&id=23689My life was never the same after I lost my mother. It was as if I lost my soul and inspiration for living. Parents are the pillars of support to our lives. It is the most truthful and honest relationship with unconditional love that one can have. Losing a parent sweeps you away from your feet. So when tragedy strikes you it strikes you hard.

My mother's passing away was sudden and unexpected. My whole world came crushing down to me. Many of us has experienced such loss and has gone through such pain and suffering.

Losing a parent, a child, a sibling, a spouse, a friend, or a pet all takes away a part of your soul. Our life changes forever. That relationship ends forever. We can no longer talk to that person or see that person. In such cases, many unresolved issues remain unsolved. So its an end of a lifelong relationship. My days were filled with emotional ups and downs and continuous flow of anger, guilt, depression, grief and sorrow. But coping with the tragedy is the challenge. We all take our own time to cope with the loss. We are so overwhelmed by the "ifs and buts" that we fail to understand the ground reality. We held ourselves responsible to some extent for not doing enough for our loved ones or for what could have been done and so on. Many of us get into depression. We try to block ourselves from the outside world, our family and friends.

Getting over grief and healing

There is no ground rule for healing. Healing takes time. Each person react in different ways and with time the pain gradually subsides and we gradually learn to deal with it. Here are some basic guidelines to get over grief and start healing.

Forgiveness and letting go of the past: In many cases, the mourner might share a troubled relationship with the deceased person. In that case, some unresolved issues might trigger anger or guilt. So, first and foremost start forgiving yourself and seeking forgiveness from the deceased person helps. The deceased person is no more with us. So just sit down and take a picture of your loved one and talk to that picture. It helps in releasing the bottled-up emotions and gives comfort to our minds. Whatever has happened has happened and one can do nothing about it. No one can change the past. Dwelling in the past and reliving the incidents will do us no good. It will just increase the pain. Try to embrace the present and enjoy every moment as much as you can.

Counseling: In many cases, seeking the advice of a psychiatrist or a grief counselor is of great help. Talking to a third person often eases the pain and there is also no question of unnecessary judgement or prejudice.

Seeking the help of family and friends: Try to welcome friends and family with whom you are most comfortable. Do not distant out close friends and family like siblings or spouses. They know you the best and sharing the pain with them helps us to relax as well.

Develop a hobby: Explore new hobbies. Take up a new job. Keeping oneself busy helps us to keep our minds distracted from the pain and agony of losing our loved one.

Spirituality: Tragedy often makes us come closer to our inner self or conscience, i.e. spirituality. We learn to cherish our relationships and start valuing them. We become much more aware of our surroundings. We should try to give as much love as possible to your loved ones who are still with us. Keep your minds open to the goodness of nature. Always welcome and enjoy the company of positive people. Do not keep ill thoughts in your mind and ignore people who try to hurt you.

Enjoy life: Life is too short. So, enjoying life to its fullest is the keyword. We all should chase our dreams. We might not be successful but just enjoying the process will give us satisfaction. There should be no regrets. Too much expectations from life and our relationships, often lead us to heartbreaks and pain. So we should all try to lead a simple and happy life.

Life is full of twists and turns and ups and downs. Everybody has to face his or her share of happiness and suffering. We experience and we move on. That is life and no matter what we have to face it. So be happy and keep others happy.

No one can deny the fact that the internet has revolutionized the way of human life. It does influence almost the entire human population. With all the useful products and services it brings along it also cripples human beings in some ways, mainly emotionally. Kids, teenagers and youngsters addicted to this piece of technology and wasting hours in front of internet is not so uncommon these days. And with internet and it's services and features finding its way to almost all portable devices like phones, iPods and tablets it's easier than ever to get addicted to it.

Social Networking - Not so social!

The fact is that social networking websites has turned into some kind of a stage where people show off. The other day I was reading this cool blog post (I don't remember the blog name so I cannot provide a link) and it was about sharing pictures over social websites. The author says that we are, these days, not enjoying a trip but we just want to share pics online and pretend we are having a great time to satisfy our ego. And this is kind of true. We take hundreds of photos while we are traveling these days and we never look at them. We talk about preserving memories by taking these photos with our latest hd cameras but our old pictures from a Polaroid camera back at home brought use more sweet memories than any $1000 cameras now available in the market. So coming back to the point, social networking websites are now a medium to showcase your photos, post some philosophical status copied somewhere from the internet and to fill a profile page to impress others.

And the sad part is that many users add friends whom they don't even know. And more friends you've got in number means you are cool (And I don't know who comes up with this kind of rules).

May be in the beginning websites like Facebook served its purpose. Finding a long lost friend. Communicating free with friends and family and all. But I think users have moved on and turned these websites into something they are not meant to be.

Virtual life vs. Real life

People are using smart phones too much to the point they're sacrificing their real life for that. I have a friend who is addicted to chatting. But the problem is he does not pay much attention to the people around him. So whenever we friends hangout he's chatting to some other people using his phone. And when he's chatting with me he probably is with some other group of people. And this is really sad, for me at least, because he isn't having a nice time when he's hanging out. People are glued too much to the phone they are forgetting to relax and enjoy the moment and reality.

I was looking for some pictures to add to this section of the article and I came across the one above. And I really liked this picture (though I would prefer them texting instead of calling) for this section because we can see two girls throwing away some quality time busy on their phones while they should've been enjoying the lake and talking to each other or better having a nice swim.

Too much internet making people depressed and dull

I think using too much internet and social networking is making people depressed and dull. I have a cousin who doesn't participate it any kind of sports or games. He is just interested in social networking websites. So after coming from his class in the evening he starts chatting with the same people with whom he has spend all that day! And it makes no sense at all. Over time I've noticed that people who use internet excessively, especially by compromising their sleeping hours and spending late night hours online becoming more depressed, unhealthy and dull.

Photo sharing and getting likes

Recently, the social networking websites has turned into a photo sharing platform. Many of my friends are too into taking photos, editing and sharing them on Facebook and their ultimate aim is to get maximum number of likes for them. They spend hours and hundreds of rupees to get an SLR camera and to go to some location for photoshoot and even more hours to edit the photos. After sharing them they use all kinds of tricks to get more likes for their photos. Now the end result is an ego boost and mental satisfaction they get when they get more and more like on their photos. This is hours of time wasted just for a little ego satisfaction.

What I did to get over my social networking love

I was never really addicted to social networking. For some reason I didn't liked the concept of it much. The only thing I enjoyed from it was getting in touch with some old childhood friends with whom I lost contact. Once I connected with them I got their phone number and I added them to my contacts. After a while I stopped using sites like Facebook altogether because there was nothing much to do on it. Although I do appreciate the services they provide outside the website like

Signing up on various websites using the Facebook or twitter accounts without having to fill out any forms Syncing with my iPhone contacts and calendars and reminding me about any birthdays and events

Well, that's it I think. But these features are very useful and extremely important to me.

Advent of Whatsapp and similar services

I think services such as Whatsapp serves the purpose of connecting with friends and family much more effectively than social networking websites. Simply because it's designed for that and that alone. Chat with the people send them photos and stuff, that's it. But when it comes to social networking websites everyone has a public profile and we all feel the need to impress anyone who comes across our profile.

I think we should make aware of the people around us to use less online social networking so that they can social network more effectively in real life. And things done online never gives us true meaning and memories in our life. We should get out more and make friends in real life because that matters later in life rather than the friends and contacts we made online. I am not against social networking I just don't appreciate the way most people use it. And at last I want to say that I am not judging anyone, I am just saying things I feel and my views may be completely wrong and ignorant.

Image Sources (In the order they're used in the article)

http://pixabay.com/en/boy-free-life-enjoy-freedom-lake-185195 http://pixabay.com/en/phone-mobile-girl-evening-hut-14780/ http://pixabay.com/en/man-despair-problem-null-one-65049/ http://pixabay.com/en/photography-photographer-photos-336685]]>aroshu123@gmail.com (Roshan Ahmed)Society & Relationshipshttps://www.boddunan.com/topics/society-and-relationships.html?view=article&id=23030
https://www.boddunan.com/topics/society-and-relationships.html?view=article&id=23030The best relationship is the relationship of husband and wife. Two different people grown in different circumstances and environment live together and lead a family life. This relationship creates a new world and a family of their own. But it is common that difference in thoughts come between husband and wife. Each of them thinks that what they think is correct. Sometimes deep discussion about silly matter puts them into worst situation. But this can avoided when both of them act wisely according to the situation.

When you are in anger, both feel the need to express your problems, this is correct but you should not scream at the top of the voice without listening to your spouse. If you feel that this cannot be done, then maintain silence for yourself for some time. This will make both of you to calm down and enable you to think about the real cause.

You should always talk about the problem, but not about the past. You should avoid pin pointing the disabilities of the other person. Talking about the present situation will get you a solution, but when you start talking about what your spouse has done in the past will make the situation worst.

If you feel that the problem is not so big and serious, try to mix fun while talking, By doing this, the other person who is in angry mood will start laughing and the situation comes into control.

Start the discussions with wise words instead to talking rudely. With this the other person will also behave wisely with you. You will have the chance to discuss more about the problem. However serious may be the problem, it will end with a pleasant solution.

In discussion we feel that the other person should agree with us, but for the sake of this we should not scream and tell what we want. We should avoid crying while expression our feelings. Instead of this you should suggest the solutions from your end.

You have to behave the way how you expect the other person to behave with you. You should respect the feeling and suggestions of your spouse, so that he/she will behave the same with you. With this the situation will cross your limits.