The "Cleveland is surprisingly not awful!" narrative has become unbearably trite. As Clevelanders, we're well aware we do not suck.

If you're heading home for the holidays, you'll find a city constantly changing, young people eager to play an active role in Cleveland's future and enough Christmas Ale to get you through the cold sting of winter along the shores of Lake Erie.

Here are the security advisories in their entirety, along with photos of famous landmarks in the supposedly dangerous neighborhoods. (For the full effect, set the slideshow to "God Bless America" at full volume and, while watching it, munch on some Freedom Fries.)