Notice how the chart is not only shaped like the periodic chart, but also shaped like the sign of the horns? (Read this Wikipedia entry on the hand gesture and metal — it’s amazing.) The details are crazy too:

Who knew that there was some unholy thing called “funk metal” — which maybe involves dreadlocks and B.C. Rich guitars?

Keeping with the periodic table thing, we imagine you’d have to make funk metal in some 50-mile-long atom smasher, and that it would only last for a trillionth of a second because it’s really too outlandish to last long given our laws of physics. Compare that to something like the proto metals, which are sort of like flourine or francium — super reactive, and apt to bind and influence everything they touch. And then you have alternative metals, which are something like the nobel gases — unreactive little weirdo elements that keep to themselves.