New Bike Lane Allows Cyclists to Urinate On Texting Drivers Cars

ATLANTA–A new bike lane near Georgia Tech’s campus will allow cyclists who observe drivers using their phones while at the wheel to urinate on the offending car. Called the Going Against the Stream campaign, the initiative has been widely criticized by drivers.

Though there are some concerns that the new legislation will result in some indecent exposure, city officials are grasping at straws for ways to protect cyclists.

“Bicycle riders are, without a doubt, our most important citizens,” said Earnest Lawfellow, attorney for the initiative. “That’s why you’ll never, ever see a cop car or mail truck parked in a bike lane near, oh I don’t know… picking an intersection at random here… 5th and Spring.”

Lawfellow went on to reveal that modern scientific advances have even made it possible for female cyclists to get in on the act.

“I’m not saying it’s not a little more awkward for the lady cyclists to express displeasure at having their lives endangered just so some asshole can reply ‘LOL’ to a friend,” said Lawfellow. “But we’re moving forward, and that’s the most important thing.”

Editor In Chief, Founder, and Admiral of Smugness at The Atlanta Banana, Jim Hodgson has an ass for news. Follow him on twitter at @jimhodgson
He is the author of the hilarious Science Fiction novel Dangerous Dan, available now on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback.