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Topic : 07/31 "Get Rid of It!"

Number of Replies: 190

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Created on : Friday, January 25, 2008, 01:19:15 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 01/30/08) Is there something you’ve been hanging on to for just a little too long? Clothes you haven’t fit into since high school? Boxes of stuff you haven’t looked at in years? Dr. Phil’s guests say their loved ones need to call the junk yard and “Get rid of it!” Kim says her husband, Paul’s, Star Wars hobby has to go. With over 6,000 pieces in his collection, Paul spends 30 hours a week playing with his action figures, building models and talking to friends about Star Wars. He even included light sabers in their wedding, so shouldn’t Kim have known what she was getting into? Next, Larry and Sheila married four months ago, but Sheila says she had no idea she was getting hitched to a hoarder. Larry says she’s got it all wrong –- she’s the pack rat! With some of their favorite collections rolled out on stage, can Dr. Phil help them negotiate what goes and what stays? Plus, meet Terri, who has four storage units and two garages full of sentimental memories –- like a rubber chicken and her father’s X-rays! She spends so much money storing her stuff that she can’t even afford health insurance. What’s at the heart of her hoarding? Tell us what you think!

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07/31 "Get Rid of It!"

I know how you feel! I was married to a hoarder, too who wasn't like that when we married. It got progressively worse as time went on...plus, he became an alcoholic....also a progressive disease. As soon as I saw the hell of how my life was going to be, I got OUT!

Your husband is a master at passive aggression....do you not see that?

Life is just too short....stop crying about your situation and do something to change it.

I wish you luck.

My God you're reading my life! Husband is a functioning alcoholic. Has his own business and people call saying what a wonderful man he is. Cleans up after himself, never saw anyone quite like him. If those same people were to stop and visit him they would see he wouldn't let them in the house. He tries to hide everything.

And I KNOW he's passive aggressive. He thinks he's good at it but I just don't take his crap.

I'm so afraid of getting out. Stay at home mom here, now in my 50's, no career. How am I supposed to live I ask myself. Going to school next fall to become ???? Just to have something under my belt. I know I cant take living with this man, he is ruining me. I am not the same fun loving, positive thinking woman I was when I entered into this relationship. I look back and think I must've been the dumbest person on the earth. His tricks were so obvious but I fell for all of them! Did I think I could change him or was it that I just didn't see what he was up to and didn't realize how deep this was instilled in him? Probably both, I was young and stupid and he was just perfecting his illness. Oh and was your husband a sneaky person as well? And a liar? Well, apparently I really was the stupidest person on earth. I married a lying, sneaking, passive aggressive, alcoholic, hoarder that cant show any emotion or form thoughts on his own and I wonder why my marriage didn't work out?? LMAO!!! OMG!!!!!! LOL

I love how you said to stop crying. You know, when I first married I was a little toughie and now, OMG I'm the biggest wimp Ive ever seen!!! I wouldn't like me if I met me now. Ive got to find ME again and get the strength to get out of here. I don't want this to be "as good as it gets".

So glad you got out and got happy. I hope you find the man God intended you to be with!

I fail to see the humor

Why is this topic of hoarding treated as just a cutesy; funny little quirk? This neurotic behavior is not only a huge waste of money; it creates a fire hazard and unsanitary living conditions out of what is supposed to be a home. It also isolates people from their family and friends who can't bear to visit those pigstys. These people are mentally ill; nothing "cute" or funny about it.

Get rid of it!

I am a hoarder but not of useless things. I've had to downsize from a 3,000 sq. ft. home with full basement and 2 car garage into a 1200 sq.foot condo. I keep meaning to get rid of things and I do go in spurts but then I find myself buying more things. This stuff is killing me and I know it but I'm one of those that would have an anxiety attack if you or someone drove up to my place with a truck to clean it out. I get very anxious about it--can't have friends over and even my relatives are being pains about it. I know it's for my own good but my divorce was so shocking after 35 years of marriage and then I was left to clean out the house and all. I found myself (in the beginning) getting rid of the wrong things and that has stonewalled me to this day. I see a therapist and am on anti-depressants, but find I don't exactly tell the therapist the truth either.

When cleaning out the house, I did find that my ex-husband was hoarding useless things (old broken brakes, empty milk jugs, etc.) but I was left to deal with all that. He was a passive-aggressive personality and always tried to make it sound like I was the only one with a problem but when I was in a big house, I didn't have a problem. Any ideas? I really get motivated sometimes but then something happens to stall it all.

twenty years later

I have a fiance' that tends to keep everything that he has ever owned in his entire life. He refuses to throw anything away because he grew up in a poor environment. It tends to be aggravating at times because I try to keep an organized home but with all this clutter it's so hard to find places for it. I wish my fiance' could realize that he doesn't have to hold on to everything just because he is afraid to let anything go.

My husband is "Fred Sanford" at his best. He loves flea market and yard sale finds. I am boarderline OCD and have a tremendous need to continually have rooms clutter free. Needless to say, we had our battles. Then the lightbulb went on. I finally realized that his need to be surrounded by his things was just as important as my need to have everything in it's place. We compromised. His side of the bedroom is a mess and mine is clean. He can keep what he needs by his recliner in the living room...but the rest of the room has to be clean...and I reserve the right to dust and organize his area. He has also made a real effort to close cupboard doors when he is finished....LOL....one of my real issues! This has been healthy for both of us.

"GET RID OF IT!"? Not the answer.

I'm a little put out by the generalizing that seems to be going on here. Dr Phil, you have presented the public with a particular situation, between two individuals, and have turned it into an "example" for all couples. Furthermore, many people who have posted here seem to assume it is alright to look down on their spouse's collection, without even considering what it means to that person. If the stuff is useless junk, then maybe it should be discussed. If a person has an affinity for something do we really have the right to say "get rid of it!'? My wife would never consider doing that to me, nor would I show her that disrespect either. Perhaps in the case of the particular couple in this article things may be different, but I urge readers/watchers to please not apply it to your own life. Everyone is different. One last comment I would like to make is with regard to the fact that he had Star Wars stuff - we all know that once you toss that into the conversation the automatic reaction is "nerd". This is another instance of generalizing and should really be considered before thinking this way. Dr Phil, will you please try to do a show that teaches people that having an affinity for sci-fi is not an automatic banishment to the land of geekdom? I, for one, am quite disappointed by the slant of this article.

07/31 "Get Rid of It!"

I believe the problem is that this man has no personality of his own. By his admission, he has no friends outside of Star Wars. His wife should have run when she saw how obssessed he was with this hobby. He was never marriage material because he had never and still has not learned to interact with normal people. I have several hobbies, but in at least one of them, my wife is happily included. This wife will never have a real husband because he does not recognize that his hobby IS NOT all there is to living, if you can call staying in the basement, ALONE, for almost all your waking and not working or eating time.

She should either get more accustomed to being "boring" to her husband and thus being alone, or get a new husband. This man does not have a clue that he is just a "blip" on a Star Wars radar screen (I know that is not the correct Jedi phrase) with no refernce to the human race just as his Star Wars characters had no reference to his trains..

This wife is doomed to a lifetime of more of this. Also, what makes anyone think that having children would change this. The husband does not relate to regular human beings now so what makes anyone think that the children would get any of his attention. He is too self-centered for that.

You will notce that Dr. Phil made no real effort to improve the situation, he just made a half-hearted attempt to get the husband to put a little balance in his life, knowing full well that there has been no hint of insight to the fact that there is a problem. The famous saying "you can' t change what you don't acknowledge" was never more obvious than with this show. Even the abusive husband in the earlier shows this week accepted the fact that he needed help.

I've got to wonder what made Paul so afraid of life that he'd "bury" himself in his Star Wars collection.

collector

I believe the problem is that this man has no personality of his own. By his admission, he has no friends outside of Star Wars. His wife should have run when she saw how obssessed he was with this hobby. He was never marriage material because he had never and still has not learned to interact with normal people. I have several hobbies, but in at least one of them, my wife is happily included. This wife will never have a real husband because he does not recognize that his hobby IS NOT all there is to living, if you can call staying in the basement, ALONE, for almost all your waking and not working or eating time.

She should either get more accustomed to being "boring" to her husband and thus being alone, or get a new husband. This man does not have a clue that he is just a "blip" on a Star Wars radar screen (I know that is not the correct Jedi phrase) with no refernce to the human race just as his Star Wars characters had no reference to his trains..

This wife is doomed to a lifetime of more of this. Also, what makes anyone think that having children would change this. The husband does not relate to regular human beings now so what makes anyone think that the children would get any of his attention. He is too self-centered for that.

You will notce that Dr. Phil made no real effort to improve the situation, he just made a half-hearted attempt to get the husband to put a little balance in his life, knowing full well that there has been no hint of insight to the fact that there is a problem. The famous saying "you can' t change what you don't acknowledge" was never more obvious than with this show. Even the abusive husband in the earlier shows this week accepted the fact that he needed help.

This couple have a problem. The women knew about his fascination with his hobby befor e they married but chose to marry anyway. Would it be fair if she had a hobby and he made her get rid of it? As long as there is room in the house for it or he is able and willing to move his collection elsewhere it shouldn't be a problem. They need to compromise or their marriage is in serious trouble! If she can't stand his hobby she shouldn't make him get rid of it. I think she's jealous. Besides does she realize that some of his "junk" is worth lots of money? I also note that he said he wanted to save some of it for future children. I have lots of Star Wars stuff myself and am planning to pass it to my grandkids when I'm gone.