Explaining death

This is not fun. We got news last week that Barney, Kevin's parents' cat who Belle just adores, died suddenly. Even worse, it came with the news that Belle's great-grandma is also dying.

For the first time, we have needed to approach the subject of death with Belle, and I was petrified.

Up to now, I have avoided the D word at all costs. For example, when she recently pointed to some very dead looking flowers, I couldn't bring myself to say they were dead. I think I said something along the lines of them being dormant for the winter, which was probably incomprehensible to her.

So before saying anything about Barney, much less great-grandma, I did a little reading on the subject. Every source I found offered the same basic advice: Be direct and don't use euphamisms (like so-and-so "went to sleep" or "went away on a trip").

Beyond that, though, there is some conflicting advice. Some people say you should tell the child that the deceased was very sick, or very old (whatever the case may be), while others say you should avoid saying those very things.

When it came time to talk about Barney (because we were going to visit Grandma and Belle was talking about him), we simply said that he had died and that we wouldn't see him anymore. She asked why, and I said he died because his body stopped working. She took it pretty well -- she didn't get upset. And she followed up immediately with the suggestion that she bring her "own Barney-cat" -- a stuffed cat that looks like Barney.