5 Things Making the Office Fridge Sick

You know one of these glops is yours, but which one?

Sometimes, you get so busy that you forget you brought your lunch to work. Then, the old email from facilities will go around reminding everyone to clean up their messes. You know one of these glops is yours, but which one? Here’s a guide to the “Fridge-a-mortis” in your office fridge.

1. The Crawler. This is a cruller pastry that is so moldy it has sprouted legs and is creeping along like a caterpillar. Make sure to wipe up its slime trail.

2. The Yuco. Old tacos, or “yucos,” have three stages of decay: sag-itosis, blackeningness, and flumpication. Once flumpication has been reached, it is finally ready to be served at a fast-food restaurant.

3. Growgurt. Yogurt is filled with live and active cultures, and if left too long it these cultures continue to grow and be live and active. They start partying. The cultures have a field day. If you’re unfortunate enough to crack open an expired yogurt, you might see scenes of debauchery that make Las Vegas blush.

4. Green sludge. This was probably spinach, or some other green vegetable matter. Probably. Hmm, seems to be sticking to the shelf. One more reason to eat your veggies quickly.

5. Meatenstein. At one point, this was almost certainly meat. Now, it’s a grey, moist, semi-gelatinous shape hulking in the rear of the fridge. It must be captured and removed with extreme care.

So stop biting off more than you can chew — and just admit you’re going out for lunch.