A week ago I left a nice fat robin as a thank you for my humans. I even placed it carefully right outside the front door where they were sure to find it. My humans were so upset with me they locked me in the house. Last night I watched as one of them plopped a nice big fat chicken dinner on the table. Not one screech. They seemed to think this was perfectly acceptable. How do I get them to see where I am coming from?

Percival the perplexed provider

Dear Percival,

First, they are humans and you are a cat. They will never get you. I have been hearing quite a bit about cats and your hunting proclivities lately. There seems to be quite a bit of concern about how many birds and small critters you and your cohorts are killing. It does seem to be a bit of a conundrum. After all, humans expect you to take out the mice and the shrews, but are irritated beyond belief that you include song birds and even squirrels on that list. Short of cats becoming selective hunters (frankly I don't see that happening) it may be best that you stay indoors until the song birds have left for the season.

Many humans think all cats should be kept inside all the time. For one thing you apparently have a high incidence of not being able to watch out for traffic because a lot of you get killed on the road. If you want to be outside, ask your humans to get you a collar with a bell on it (think of it as a fashion accessory and learn to live with it). You and I know that if cats don't have a home that feeds them, they will hunt to eat. From what I hear, areas where humans promote (and pay for) spaying and neutering have much fewer problems with cats killing off birds and other critters (which I assume is done mostly for food and not for nifty little "thank you's). Thanks for bringing this up. I am sure this is not the last I am going to hear on the subject.