Relatives

And why they are not worth the new china

“Blood relatives often have nothing to do with family. and similarly, family is about who you choose to make your life with.” ~Oliver Hudson

Mom is super excited as she makes arrangements for the guests. They should be arriving shortly. She unwraps her precious porcelain vessels and wipes them clean again and again. There isn’t a single speck of dust on them.

“Mom, can I help?” my sister asks.

“Yeah, you can arrange the table, dear” My obedient little sister goes over to arrange the table in her 'perfectionist' vibe.

“Noo! Don’t touch the china, you’ll break it” Mom screams as I try to take a closer look.

“Mom, I’m just looking at what I never knew existed. Such pretty bowls. Why don’t we ever use these for lunch?”

When I say the word “family”, you get that warm comfy feeling where you can thrive uninhibited. But if I say the word “relatives”, you’ll probably have mixed feelings. Relatives have always been a curious lot of people. There are funny, rich, gluttonous, nosy, tell-tale, types of relatives. Most are only interested in your life so that they can gossip about it at the next weekend’s party; and some are just there for the food, wine, and finery.

Don’t get me wrong, we all have relations where people actually care about each other and stick with you through thick and thin. But we don’t call them relatives, we call them FAMILY. Aunts, grandfathers, cousins,and all those ‘close relatives’ should be called family. Also, a family doesn’t have to mean only your parents, siblings or in-laws; family consists of all those who are concerned about you more than you are concerned about yourself. Your best friend who reminds you to drink more water is family. Your boyfriend who knows how your day went by the tone of your text is family. Your roommate who does all the work when you’re hungover though it’s your turn is family. Your dog who can make you forget all your worries with those beady eyes is family.

There are friends who can be family, and family who sometimes cannot even be called friends.

I still cannot wrap my head around why people would want to spend time with people who they do not know and pretend to know them. I think it’s so much better to hang out with complete strangers and make new friends with whom you can be your true self, for whom you don’t have to do your hair, or put new sheets, or wear your finest dress. It’s better to go on a solo trip to an African jungle than to go on those “family tours” where you finally get to know that you had six uncles, thirteen cousins, and four of them puked in the car, so yeah.

“Mom, so my aunt is coming, right?”

“No, dear for the 45th time, it’s your cousin and her daughter is your niece so you are the aunt.”

“I am an aunt??”, my 8-year old sister asks, her eyes wide with surprise, she turns towards me to ask “When did you have a child, sissy?”

Blood relations do not and cannot hold our niche. We gravitate towards people who are like-minded and those who have similar experiences. It is not natural for us modern humans to seek out blood relations to forge our individual social frontiers. A surname or a family tree does not compel my inner self to have a desire to identify these people and place them on my life’s blocks.

I am not against family ties or reunions. God chose those people for us, maybe we have something in common as an excuse to connect with each other. But don’t you think we only care to connect to establish an image of our own? If not, then why the new china?

I’m just 18, and am already tired of “Did you recognize me? Of course you didn’t.” *why did you ask?*

“ I saw you last when you were 3 months old.” *okay, I don’t remember*

“Do keep in touch” *LOL*

Relatives won’t care if you’re ready, they’ll pressurize you into marriage. They won’t care to ask what difficulties you have at work, they’ll inquire about your promotion. They won’t ask how your studies are going on, they’ll call you on result day. And if at all you’re going through a hard time, they’ll show up from nowhere to telecast your failures to the next of kin. They’ll happily talk about your shortcomings as if they aren’t related to you at all, because it doesn’t affect them, it’s not their fault that God chose you and them to be related. When you try to gain sympathy from others for the mistakes of your loved ones, as if you are forced into this relationship and can’t get out, you are only and only showing your flawed character. Those people who listen to gossip also indulge in it so often. So be prepared to see your name on the front-page of “Gossip Today”.

Let’s spread love and stay out of this. It’s kind of tiring.

P.S I’m not against relatives, I love my close ones too, but hey then I can call them family, because the term relatives is reserved for the pesky ones😅