So every week in the Smart Dater’s Academy – we explore specific and actionable steps that get you, oh, little things like…

1: Love

2: Happiness

3: Sensual Passion

Profound Connection with an Intimate Partner

Inner Freedom and the Ability to Love Without Holding Back.

Y’know…

The little things in life.

Now – to get there – here’s something I want you to think about hard:

As in REAL hard…

Because this is the KEY to your love life happiness…

“Intimacy is the ability to share your inner world

with a partner – without fear. TRUE intimacy

begins with self-awareness and FREEDOM

from unconscious habits and automaton behavior.”

That is THE principle I am operating on.

And it means you can’t have LOVE…

… without real self-awareness.

So today I just want to give you 10 questions to ask yourself daily that I adapted from Kyle Cease – the fascinating dude who turned his stand- up comedy career into what I would call a “comedy of awakening” career.

[take the actions in the parenthesis to turn thought into your actual life.]

That is why warrior and indiginous societies required vision-quests and rough initiations.

I’ve seen 10 year old Amazonian boys sinking their arms shoulder deep into nests of poisonous, stinging ants. Their arms blow up like fresh baked bread.

Boys are kidnapped by men in the middle of the night and taken to the forest or desert wastelands and left there among predators to find their way home.

Initiation rituals.

They insure that something must die so that something new may be born.

That’s why in most great stories, the hero dies before he can achieve his destiny.

Luke Skywalker had to “die” in the garbage compactor before he could destroy the death star.

Frodo had to die by the sword (twice I think) before he could penetrate Mt. Doom and return the ring.

It is the warrior part of you that allows you to march directly into your fear and “die”… before you are reborn a stronger, better man.

If we resist “killing” what makes us weak or unfulfilled, we drift all our lives until our slobbering, tottering, brittle, weeping, regretful dotage.

So…

What Dies in Our Lives?

Hesitancy.

That’s one I see all the time with my coaching clients.

When you step into the fire, the fire burns hesitancy away and you make your clear choice.

One of my private coaching clients who wanted to build a coaching practice himself, called me, unable to decide to put down roots and “settle down” as he put it, or stay a vagabond where he has to work construction to pay his bills.

I stood him in the fire and made him decide.

I reframed “settling down” into “building a foundation” for his coaching business, which would allow him to travel all he wants in a year or so.

What died?

His belief that not traveling was “settling down.” His attachment to uncertainty and drifting. His fear of actually building a real business…

…which would force him to do the work he needs to do to live the life he actually desires.

What was born?

A new man. Clarity. Action. And a whole new group of people who could now be served by this incredibly talented and well-trained man.

What else has to die for us to be reborn?

Here are some of the common ones I see among my fire-loving coaching students….

“My belief that I am not “good enough” to deserve, date and love a great woman.”

“My belief that I can’t commit to a great woman because my relationships have failed before.”

“My belief that I cannot love one woman because I’ve gotten too good at flirting with and seducing women.”

Here’s the real truth – and I hope you find it exciting…

The boy in us dies over and

over and over again…

… and the man in us emerges stronger and stronger and stronger and stronger over time.

….. but only IF… we allow ourselves to stand in the fire and ask ourselves…

“What has to die?”

You might be thinking…

“Okay Adam, that’s great in theory, but

what about you? What’s had to die for you?”

Here’s a couple of big ones…

1: To love one woman, I had to let die of the ego-boost of the attention of lots of women (it was harder than I expected).

2: To start taking men on powerful, relentless and transformative coaching journeys around the world (we take off for the Greek Islands next week), I had to let die the belief that I didn’t have the wisdom, tools and experience to launch men into utter and lasting change.

What About You?

What has to die for you to be reborn into the EXTRAORDINARY man you say you want to be?

What has to die for you to rise to the next level?

Of love?

Of freedom?

Of decisiveness?

Of leadership?

Of wealth?

What needs to die?

It is the Warrior within you that will make the changes you want…

And your Inner Warrior, like is true for most of us, is asleep.

Or distracted. Or sitting down while you go through your daily routines.

When I teach women, I teach them to trust a man by his actions, not his words.

Because you and I know that a guy will say just about anything to get into her sweet little panties. To win her favor. To be liked and admired.

Women mistrust us – and in some ways, they should.

But should you trust women? When should you? When should you not?

Until we prove ourselves trustworthy.

In my online dating program, Deep Online Attraction, I (of course) give you lots of ways to establish trust right there in your profile…

Things like:

Talk about your sisters, if you have them, and use their first names.

Talk about the men you admire and the trustable qualities you admire about them (you win by association.)

Set up a high bar to qualify women who will write you – say things like “Honesty and integrity are cornerstones of my life, and if you are inclined to write me, please hold the same values in the same high regard.” Or “Only honest, open, considerate and kind women welcome. I value women who are kind to all and snooty to none.”

Again – you win by association with those values – and you win because you are taking the “prize” position and creating qualifiers and filters.

Now here’s the thing…

Should you trust women?

I hear men – usually the most frustrated men – calling women catty, b*tches, BBD girls (bigger, better, deal) etc…

They say girls only go online for a free dinner, 5 nights a week (it happens).

They say girls don’t know themselves, that they are flakes, that they are entitled, that they are rude etc…

Well, yeah.

It happens.

And it happens with guys too.

Some guys.

And some girls.

This is important – because if you start cultivating those negative opinions about SOME women, they will start to color your attitude toward ALL women.

And you will destroy anything you spark with the really quality women of the world.

We live in a culture of distraction and overwhelm.

If I thought about all the crap on E! and Bravo! And 100 other channels, then I would never be able to concentrate on Breaking Bad or True Detective (yes, season one) or The Unbreakable Kimmie Schmidt.

Women are more transparent by their speech – if they sh*t talk men, or other women early on when you meet them – you have to decide if you want this flow of negativity in your life. No matter what she looks like.

If she cancels on you last minute and doesn’t profusely apologize, walk on. She doesn’t value you and won’t value you.

If you trawl the bars and clubs, you’re less likely to meet the quality of woman who is doing a 10K run for leukemia, or volunteering at the animal shelter, or building schools in India, or mentoring girls, or building her own business.

Go where the fishing is good.

And in your conversation and online profile, use bait that attracts in women who are loving, wholehearted, kind, thoughtful, passionate and good.

Here at The Higher Game, we LOVE women.

We love them for the way they love us (god help their souls). For their beauty and their softness and their sexiness. For the way they nurture each other and children and pets and their elders. We love them for their creativity and lightness, and daffiness and fierceness.

And when we come across a woman who is a flake or a tease or a money-grabber or just mean – we say to ourselves, “this one is on a longer journey of healing than others.”

And we bless her and wish her well.

We do this not for her, but for our own hearts as men, as warriors, as protectors, as lovers.

So we keep our hearts clean and whole and open and powerful and loving.

So when that astounding beauty who is a fountain of love and passion and laughter walks into our lives…

… she discovers a man who stands ready to meet her. Lead her. Love her. Inspire her. And walk her into her greater magnificence.