Honeymoon registry vs asking for cash/check?

We already have everything we need so are thinking of doing a small registry at Bed Bath & Beyond, and then asking for money to go toward the cost of the wedding, honeymoon, etc. My fiance has never been out of the country and we'd like to go for our honeymoon before settling down and having kids. We'd like it where we can use the funds however we'd like, but are not being charged high fees. I've read that most honeymoon fund registries charge a fee for using credit cards. What has everyone used? Do most still give cash or check where the amount of people using credit cards is minimal, do we just go old school and ask for money without a registry, and do you recommend any specific registry to do so? Thanks!

Re: Honeymoon registry vs asking for cash/check?

We already have everything we need so are thinking of doing a small registry at Bed Bath & Beyond, and then asking for money to go toward the cost of the wedding, honeymoon, etc. My fiance has never been out of the country and we'd like to go for our honeymoon before settling down and having kids. However, we'd like it where we can use the funds however, but are not being charged fees. I've read that most honeymoon fund registries charge a fee for using credit cards. What has everyone used? Do most still give cash or check where the amount of people using credit cards is minimal, do we just go old school and ask for money without a registry, and do you recommend any specific registry to do so? Thanks!

You will get money for your wedding without asking for it. It's very rude to ask for money in any way, so a honeymoon registry is against etiquette (even though they're very common).

I don't know of any HM registries that don't skim off the top. It's a service and that's how they make money.

A good way to ensure you get money but not violate etiquette is to just not register at all. People WILL ask you where you're registered. To which you just say "oh, we aren't registered at all, we are saving up for a honeymoon/house/car...." People get it.

You should never ask for cash or any type of gift. If people ask, it's fine to tell them that you're not registered and saving for your honeymoon.

All HM registries take a cut. That's why they are in business. Giving a company some of your money so that they'll lie to your guests for you is just stupid. You don't have to trick people into giving money.

Ditto PP. Not registering and when asked, saying you're saving for a HM is all you need to do. Everyone knows that cash is a great gift.

Should go without saying, but no registry means no bridal shower.

Is this necessarily true?

I know showers are gift giving events, but I would assume if there is no registry, guests will choose their own gift to give.

Registries are helpful, so one doesn't end up with 4 toasters, but not a requirement.

I was thinking the same thing. Registries are suggestions - people can still buy things not on the registry. I thought it was if you are eloping you don't have a registry or a bridal shower since guests aren't at the wedding and only wedding guests are invited to showers.

Ditto PP. Not registering and when asked, saying you're saving for a HM is all you need to do. Everyone knows that cash is a great gift.

Should go without saying, but no registry means no bridal shower.

Is this necessarily true?

I know showers are gift giving events, but I would assume if there is no registry, guests will choose their own gift to give.

Registries are helpful, so one doesn't end up with 4 toasters, but not a requirement.

It's really a "know your audience" thing. In many circles, skipping the registry is a hint that you prefer cash. Skipping the registry while accepting a shower would be tantamount to a cash shower. In this case, it wouldn't be a very good idea to have a shower with no registry.

Ditto PP. Not registering and when asked, saying you're saving for a HM is all you need to do. Everyone knows that cash is a great gift.

Should go without saying, but no registry means no bridal shower.

Is this necessarily true?

I know showers are gift giving events, but I would assume if there is no registry, guests will choose their own gift to give.

Registries are helpful, so one doesn't end up with 4 toasters, but not a requirement.

It's really a "know your audience" thing. In many circles, skipping the registry is a hint that you prefer cash. Skipping the registry while accepting a shower would be tantamount to a cash shower. In this case, it wouldn't be a very good idea to have a shower with no registry.

I didn't have a registry and my friend really wanted to throw a shower for me. She hosted a wine themed shower and I got many nice bottles of wine and other wine related items. I didn't really need the shower but it was a fun way to get together and I didn't end up with 10 toasters. One of the guests commented that it was a fun shower and cost less than she might have normally spent. I thought that was great.

Ditto PP. Not registering and when asked, saying you're saving for a HM is all you need to do. Everyone knows that cash is a great gift.

Should go without saying, but no registry means no bridal shower.

Is this necessarily true?

I know showers are gift giving events, but I would assume if there is no registry, guests will choose their own gift to give.

Registries are helpful, so one doesn't end up with 4 toasters, but not a requirement.

It's really a "know your audience" thing. In many circles, skipping the registry is a hint that you prefer cash. Skipping the registry while accepting a shower would be tantamount to a cash shower. In this case, it wouldn't be a very good idea to have a shower with no registry.

I didn't have a registry and my friend really wanted to throw a shower for me. She hosted a wine themed shower and I got many nice bottles of wine and other wine related items. I didn't really need the shower but it was a fun way to get together and I didn't end up with 10 toasters. One of the guests commented that it was a fun shower and cost less than she might have normally spent. I thought that was great.

But a themed shower is essentially a 'registry' because the host is directing people to gifts the bride would like. I'm with @MyNameIsNot: if I'm invited to a non themed shower with no registry, I'm going to be confused. No registry or very small registry means money to me.

Ditto PP. Not registering and when asked, saying you're saving for a HM is all you need to do. Everyone knows that cash is a great gift.

Should go without saying, but no registry means no bridal shower.

Is this necessarily true?

I know showers are gift giving events, but I would assume if there is no registry, guests will choose their own gift to give.

Registries are helpful, so one doesn't end up with 4 toasters, but not a requirement.

It's really a "know your audience" thing. In many circles, skipping the registry is a hint that you prefer cash. Skipping the registry while accepting a shower would be tantamount to a cash shower. In this case, it wouldn't be a very good idea to have a shower with no registry.

I didn't have a registry and my friend really wanted to throw a shower for me. She hosted a wine themed shower and I got many nice bottles of wine and other wine related items. I didn't really need the shower but it was a fun way to get together and I didn't end up with 10 toasters. One of the guests commented that it was a fun shower and cost less than she might have normally spent. I thought that was great.

But a themed shower is essentially a 'registry' because the host is directing people to gifts the bride would like. I'm with @MyNameIsNot: if I'm invited to a non themed shower with no registry, I'm going to be confused. No registry or very small registry means money to me.

Sorry @LondonLisa, I wasn't clear in my post. I was offering up the idea of a themed shower (like wine which is consumable) if OP was offered a shower and didn't want boxed gifts. I agree that without a theme or registry, a shower is pointless.

I don't think its rude to indicate that you prefer money. Honestly, registries were considered rude at one point, I'm sure. Now it's all good. I just told people that we have everything we need, we aren't expecting anything and just want people to come, and if they feel like they need to give us something cash/checks/using our honeyfund thing would be appreciated but not necessary.

Some people might get really upset. If that does worry you, and your inviting those kinds of people, then don't ask for it...or do the thing people here recommend and don't be upfront and just don't have a registry.

Your real question seems to be if paying the fee on the HM sites is worth it. That depends on your guests too. I would be more likely to give money via a site but my fiance would be more likely to bring cash or write a check.

As far as the fees go, make sure it is one that takes it out of the amount and does not charge your guest. Also, stores charge a fee for goods...it's called a profit.

I don't think its rude to indicate that you prefer money. Honestly, registries were considered rude at one point, I'm sure. Now it's all good. I just told people that we have everything we need, we aren't expecting anything and just want people to come, and if they feel like they need to give us something cash/checks/using our honeyfund thing would be appreciated but not necessary.

Some people might get really upset. If that does worry you, and your inviting those kinds of people, then don't ask for it...or do the thing people here recommend and don't be upfront and just don't have a registry.

Your real question seems to be if paying the fee on the HM sites is worth it. That depends on your guests too. I would be more likely to give money via a site but my fiance would be more likely to bring cash or write a check.

As far as the fees go, make sure it is one that takes it out of the amount and does not charge your guest. Also, stores charge a fee for goods...it's called a profit.

It depends on how you indicate you prefer money. The polite way to do this is to not create a registry anywhere and if asked, you (or your mom, MOH, etc) reply, "We (they) didn't register, but are saving up for a house, new car, new furniture, etc."

Also, once a thread has been dead for more than 2 months, it's considered rude to resurrect it. If you have a question, you're more than welcome to start a new thread.

I don't think its rude to indicate that you prefer money. Honestly, registries were considered rude at one point, I'm sure. Now it's all good. I just told people that we have everything we need, we aren't expecting anything and just want people to come, and if they feel like they need to give us something cash/checks/using our honeyfund thing would be appreciated but not necessary.

Some people might get really upset. If that does worry you, and your inviting those kinds of people, then don't ask for it...or do the thing people here recommend and don't be upfront and just don't have a registry.

Your real question seems to be if paying the fee on the HM sites is worth it. That depends on your guests too. I would be more likely to give money via a site but my fiance would be more likely to bring cash or write a check.

As far as the fees go, make sure it is one that takes it out of the amount and does not charge your guest. Also, stores charge a fee for goods...it's called a profit.

I've been to LOTS of weddings with honeyfund registries. The people who invited us probably think we are very chill and laid back. We are. I would never say something to a couple about an etiquette faux pas at their wedding (unless they asked me - then I'd give them an honest answer).

But I am "those kind of people". I think HM registries are rude (asking for cash) and objectively stupid (why give $90 to the couple and $10 to some company, when I can give the couple $100?).

You can't possibly read the minds of all your guests...so the best bet is just stick to etiquette and not fancy yourself a mind reader.

Ditto PP. Not registering and when asked, saying you're saving for a HM is all you need to do. Everyone knows that cash is a great gift.

Should go without saying, but no registry means no bridal shower.

Is this necessarily true?

I know showers are gift giving events, but I would assume if there is no registry, guests will choose their own gift to give.

Registries are helpful, so one doesn't end up with 4 toasters, but not a requirement.

It's really a "know your audience" thing. In many circles, skipping the registry is a hint that you prefer cash. Skipping the registry while accepting a shower would be tantamount to a cash shower. In this case, it wouldn't be a very good idea to have a shower with no registry.

I didn't have a registry and my friend really wanted to throw a shower for me. She hosted a wine themed shower and I got many nice bottles of wine and other wine related items. I didn't really need the shower but it was a fun way to get together and I didn't end up with 10 toasters. One of the guests commented that it was a fun shower and cost less than she might have normally spent. I thought that was great.

But a themed shower is essentially a 'registry' because the host is directing people to gifts the bride would like. I'm with @MyNameIsNot: if I'm invited to a non themed shower with no registry, I'm going to be confused. No registry or very small registry means money to me.

Sorry @LondonLisa, I wasn't clear in my post. I was offering up the idea of a themed shower (like wine which is consumable) if OP was offered a shower and didn't want boxed gifts. I agree that without a theme or registry, a shower is pointless.

Showers were held for decades, maybe centuries, before registries were created, let alone the idea of "themed" showers, so I don't agree that a shower without either is "pointless."

But if I get a shower invitation without them, presumably I know the bride or groom well enough to figure out what to give them. Or if I don't, I know someone (like the hostess) whom I can ask.

Wedding gifts are supposed to be long-lasting, quality gifts that hold the giver's promise for a long-lasting, high-quality marriage for this couple - and which will remind the couple of the giver and how this giver has also promised to support us and encourage us and help us if we need advice or other help as we begin our married life.

Wedding gifts are not supposed to be contributions to the Honeymoon/SexFest that will be over in a very short time...

Wedding gifts are supposed to be long-lasting, quality gifts that hold the giver's promise for a long-lasting, high-quality marriage for this couple - and which will remind the couple of the giver and how this giver has also promised to support us and encourage us and help us if we need advice or other help as we begin our married life.

Wedding gifts are not supposed to be contributions to the Honeymoon/SexFest that will be over in a very short time...

I keep writing and rewriting my response to this, but I'm just too confused by everything you say. So I will just say this (and you can pretend it's a response to basically every post you've made today).

WTF are you talking about?

Absolutely honeymoon registries are gross and rude and tacky, but giving cash as a gift is still a pretty great gift. And I don't give gifts at a wedding to make a "promise" and I definitely didn't give a gift so I could be the advice giver. Gifts are to give congratulations, that's pretty much it. Everything else you've said really honestly truly makes no sense.

@InLoveInQueens. Her posts are just strange! The mother of the bride should handle all communications because she will know what to say as if the bride wouldn't know how to talk to other adults.

I've never heard this stuff about gifts before. Yes, gifts are suppose to help the couple set up a house but long lasting quality gifts? What does that mean - only silver, crystal and china?

In a lot of religions the people who attend the ceremony are promising to support the couple in married life. It isn't dependent on the gift they gave.

And the Maid of Honor and Best Man, who are the same age as the couple but married for many years, apparently, accept the role knowing they become marriage counselors after the wedding. It's just like her posts are from a different dimension where almost everything is the same but like 3 little things are slightly off and it's just making me uncomfortable.