My husband will not break off a past relationship with his ex-girlfriend and her child, that is not his.

His past relationship with this girl lasted eight months off and on. They did not live together.

She adopted his child while they were in this relationship even tho he said he did not want a child—the child who is now six years old.

My husband has no legal ties to this child. The relationship ended. The ex-girlfriend moved on and was married for two years. Now that she is no longer married, she continues to contact my husband using this child as a way to keep in contact with him.

We have been married for two years, and he thinks I should just accept this child as “his.” We are in our 50s. This child is six years old.

I told my husband this relationship should have ended a long time ago. So it’s a continuous fight between us. I believe the child has a lot of emotional problems because of what his mother has put him through.

The child is confused about who my husband is to him. The child calls my husband by his first name and then says, oh, I mean dad. This is a serious problem.

My husband has a grandchild who he doesn’t have a relationship with because his relationship with his daughter is strained. When she was a teenager, she went and had a relationship with a guy that my husband didn’t like, and they had a child together.

My husband doesn’t know this grandchild even though they live a mile from each other. I’ve tried working with my husband about this child. I’ve asked him to keep me informed about what is past girlfriend is saying because she texts him all the time. But he’s hiding it from me, saying I’m jealous.

I want the relationship over and to move on like people do when they break up. But his ex keeps a relationship with my husband using the child as a way to stay around. Am I wrong?

If my husband feels he needs a child around, I think he should be trying to have a relationship with his grandchild.

Jane, I’m sorry you are experiencing this in your marriage. To get to the point, sometimes people have no idea what marriage and commitment are about.

You can see this from what you describe his daughter. Some hold on to what they should let go of and let go of what they should hold on to. This is not acceptable, and your husband is holding on to something that he is not admitting, be it the child or feelings for the woman.

However, most people don’t listen to their spouse as they should, especially when outside sources are affecting the marriage in a negative way. This is not a beauty shop or complain to my friend type stuff. Your spouse does not think he is wrong, and when you tell him, he’s not listening.

Ex’s should not be in our lives in any way when we don’t have children together. Unfortunately, in this situation, your husband thinks he owes some type of connection to this child when he doesn’t. You will not be able to get him to see this without going to counseling, where there is an unbiased party to help you work through this.

Let him know how serious this is with you and that you want the two of you to speak with a counselor to help you with this situation. If you don’t do this, it will persist, and all the complaining in the world will not solve it.

I’ve been married 26 years, and I recommend counseling for all marriages so that you can get the tools to have a great marriage.

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