Roger Ebert's funniest movie reviews

August 17, 2011 12:00 AM

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Freddy Got Fingered

"This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels." -- Roger Ebert

"The sexy Celia (voice by Jennifer Tilly) has a crush on Wazowski. What she sees in him is beyond me, although if there is anyone who can figure out how to have sex with a green eyeball, that would be Jennifer Tilly. I can imagine her brassy voice: ''Blink! Blink!''" -- Roger Ebert

(In response to Rob Schneider trashing another reviewer for not having a Pulitzer) "As chance would have it, I have won the Pulitzer Prize, and so I am qualified. Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks." -- Roger Ebert

"Valentine's Day is being marketed as a Date Movie. I think it's more of a First-Date Movie. If your date likes it, do not date that person again. And if you like it, there may not be a second date." -- Roger Ebert

Valentine's Day "Valentine's Day is being... Photo-1543131.30436 - Houston Chronicle

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Revolver

"Some of the acting is better than the film deserves. Make that all of the acting. Actually, the film stock itself is better than the film deserves. You know when sometimes a film catches fire inside a projector? If it happened with this one, I suspect the audience might cheer." -- Roger Ebert

"Some of the acting is better than the film deserves. Make that all of the acting. Actually, the film stock itself is better than the film deserves. You know when sometimes a film catches fire inside a

Revolver "Some of the acting is better than the film... Photo-1249932.30436 - Houston Chronicle

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Dirty Love

"Dirty Love wasn't written and directed, it was committed. Here is a film so pitiful, it doesn't rise to the level of badness. It is hopelessly incompetent... I am not certain that anyone involved has ever seen a movie, or knows what one is." -- Roger Ebert

"If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination... The movie has been signed by Michael Bay. This is the same man who directed The Rock in 1996. Now he has made Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Faust made a better deal." -- Roger Ebert

"In the upstairs bedroom, old Ann dies very slowly, remembering the events of the long-ago wedding night and the next morning...She is attended by a nurse with an Irish accent (Eileen Atkins), who sometimes prompts her: "Remember a happy time!" Dissolve to Ann's memory of a happy time. It is so mundane that if it qualifies as a high point in her life, it compares with Paris Hilton remembering a good stick of gum." -- Roger Ebert

"TThe MPAA ratings board must have been scribbling furiously in the dark to come up with "Rated R for strong crude and sexual content, nudity, language, some drug and alcohol use, all involving teens." What did the filmmakers forget? Violence. Nothing much blows up real good, and there is a lack of vivisection and disembowelment." -- Roger Ebert

"TThe MPAA ratings board must have been scribbling furiously in the dark to come up with "Rated R for strong crude and sexual content, nudity, language, some drug and alcohol use, all involving teens."