Ten reasons why David Ross is the Cubs backup catcher

I may have written this for the Ivy Drip, and instead inspired Sam’s cartoon. Â So, if that’s the case, this is recycled content.

What are you complaining about? Â Don’t cost nuthin’.

When fans aren’t complaining about whatever Starlin Castro has just done, Cubs fans fill their days complaining that 38-year-old, career mediocrity, David Ross is the backup catcher.Â The Cubs front office believes strongly in Ross’ intangibles.Â But what are they?Â Here’s just ten.

Has memorized all four of Jon Lester’s pitches and uses different finger combinations to communicate each one to Jon during the game.

Owns his own catching gear.

Can show the other players where the showers are located in every Major League clubhouse.

Always has gum.

Knows the number to use to get an outside line on every bullpen phone in the league.

Owns the Port-a-Potty franchise that bailed out the team after the fans pissed all over the concourse on Opening Night.

Knows the other things Theo Epstein used the gorilla suit to get out of.

Cubs hoping his presence will inspire Miguel Montero to stay healthy all season…because, you know, the Cubs are pretty much screwed otherwise.

Helps set the defense, including moving Chris Coghlan to various parts of left field where he won’t have to touch a flyball that hasn’t hit the ground yet.