Staying Friends With Your Ex Girlfriend - Myths and Mistakes

"Just because we break up, it doesn't mean we can't still be friends..."

Sounds like a great idea, doesn't it?

Remaining friends with your ex girlfriend is a great way of keeping in touch and staying a big part of her everyday life.

You still get to speak to her, send emails back and forth, keep in touch via text messages... hell, as friends the two of you can probably even still hang out together.

Best of all, you never leave her side. You're always in sight - and you're there if she needs you. Later on when your ex gets lonely and starts regretting the decision to break up with you... there you are, a shoulder for her to cry on.

Staying friends with your ex is the next best thing to being her boyfriend. You're always just one small step away from dating her again. Right? Right!

Until at least, you realize the following...

Rule #7: Being Friends With Your Ex Girlfriend Is TheWorst Possible Mistake You Can EVER Make

I cannot express the above rule enough. Words alone can't describe how much of a sucker you look like by remaining friends with a girl that you're still in love with.

Staying friends with your ex girlfriend is like happily agreeing to be demoted. There's nowhere else to go but down. The longer your friendship lasts, the further and further your ex removes herself from you emotionally and romantically. In no time at all, your name becomes nothing but a platonic afterthought.

This type of friendship can never work. It's an unwalkable path scattered with horrendous obstacles. Even worse? The ex girlfriend friendship is wholly one-sided. She reaps all the benefits of still having you around, while you ultimately end up feeling bitter, jealous, and totally rejected.

"Oh, but that's not true! I know people who are still friends with their exes, and it seems to work for them."

Really? Take another look - a closer look - at this arrangement. Are both people truly happy? Or is one person just pretending to be happy in order to 'stick around', in the lame hopes of rekindling the old romance?

Still don't believe me?

Let's examine what your ex girlfriend gets out of this little scenario:

The comfort of still having you 'around'.

The security of knowing where you are, and what you're doing.

A shoulder to cry on, whenever she feels like it.

Someone to talk to, whenever she has a problem.

A buddy, a pal, a platonic friend she can count on if she needs something.

All the benefits of your past relationship, without any of the commitment.

Great! Now let's see what YOU get by staying friends with your ex:

The heartbreak of watching your ex girlfriend live her life without you.

The awkward limbo of never knowing whether or not you should call her.

The constant fear of wondering if and when she'll meet someone else.

Overwhelming insecurity whenever your ex goes out with her friends.

A fake smile, as you pretend to be 'happy for her' in everything she does.

The gut-wrenching jealousy of being forced to meet her new boyfriend.

Do you see the problem here? By staying friends with your girlfriend after she breaks things off, you're giving her everything she needs to keep the breakup going.

In this situation, your ex has absolutely no incentive to get back together with you. She's comfortable, she's happy, she's free to do what she wants... why would she take a step backwards, by jumping back into a relationship with you?

Most important of all, in this scenario your ex doesn't miss you. Because you're still around all the time, she never gets lonely. Your girlfriend never has to sit up at night, staring at the ceiling, wondering whether or not she still wants to keep you in her life. Why? Because you already are in her life. And in her eyes you're not going anywhere, anytime soon.

The Friend Zone: Where You're Powerless To Make a Move

By placing yourself into the role of your ex's friend, you're also making it nearly impossible to go back to being lovers. The transition from friendship back to romance just doesn't happen, except in sappy romance movies and 80's chick-flix.

Try to make a move right now, and you're 'poisoning your new friendship'. Your girlfriend will mark you as having ulterior motives, and will quickly push you away.

Think you can make a move later on? Sorry, but now it's way too late. You've already established yourself as her non-sexual friend, and that's how she's going to see you from now until the bitter end.

And as your exgirlfriend's now platonic buddy? Your new responsibilities include supporting her and being happy for her... even when she drops the news that she's dating someone else. Congratulations! You just bought a front-row seat to your ex's new relationship, and you get to watch the show with a big phony smile on your face.

Other Reasons You Can't Be Friends With Your Ex Girlfriend

Still think you might be able to make the "let's be friends" scenario work?

Even if you could pull off some kind of friendship with your ex girlfriend, the arrangement is only temporary. One or more of the following scenarios will inevitably end things between you, and probably in a very bad way:

Your Ex Girlfriend Gets a New Boyfriend

When this happens, it's going to be very difficult to still be friends with your ex. Not only will you be jealous and constantly comparing yourself to this new guy, but how do you think he'll react to you being friends with his new girlfriend?

Exactly. He'll be none too happy about it. No guy wants his girlfriend to be buddying up with someone she once dated (and slept with!) so he'll be keeping her as far away from you as possible. Even if you both wanted to continue to be friendly, outside forces like this will tear away at the friendship.

And if you're still in love with your ex? This type of arrangement can be torturous! Naturally you'll want to break your ex girlfriend's new romance up, and you'll start looking for ways of getting your ex back from her new boyfriend.

You Start Seeing Someone Else, Or You Get a New Girlfriend

Now imagine what happens if and when you start dating a new girl. Do you tell her about still being friends with your ex? Or do you hide it from her... keeping your old relationship a dirty little secret?

Your new girlfriend won't approve of you seeing, talking to, or possibly hanging out with your ex girlfriend - even if you ARE just friends. When she forbids you from continuing your friendship, one of two things is bound to happen: you'll continue it anyway (in secret), or you'll lamely explain to your exgirlfriend exactly why you can't talk to her anymore. In both cases, you look like a chump.

So... What Should You Do If Your Ex Wants To Be Friends?

Actually, your response should be pretty simple here: you tell her NO.

"Sorry. I don't think staying friends is such a good idea."

When your ex girlfriend asks why not, your answer simply:

"Because I love you too much to carry on some half-assed relationship. I can't 'pretend' to be your friend, when in reality I still think we belong together."

This type of approach will take your ex totally by surprise. It's honest and it's forthright, and it leaves no bullshit about your feelings on the subject.

What's also cool is this: your girlfriend expected you to still be around for a while. Ideally, she wanted to let go of you gradually. Whether she knew it or not, friendship was her way of doing just that.

By taking this plan away from her, your ex girlfriend now has to face the possibility of losing you completely. If you'd stayed friends with her like she wanted you to, this was something she wouldn't have to do.

By rejecting this type of friendship, you're also letting her know that you won't be sitting around waiting for your ex to change her mind. Instead, it looks a hell of a lot like you're ready to move on, and this will scare her more than anything.

She Asks To Stay Friends With You - Why It's Good News

If your ex offers to remain friendly even after breaking up with you, it's always a good sign. It means that even though she broke up with you, your ex is not totally finished with your relationship just yet. On some level, she wants to keep a part of it still going, and this is where you can take action.

Any girl who no longer wanted to see you at all would've walked away without a second glance. But one who still needs to see you, talk to you, email and text-message you? That girl is keeping you around, just in case she made a mistake. It's nice for her to know she can always change her mind, and that you'll still be there.

There are three immediate actions you should take when your ex asks to be friends with you. Learn what they are, so you don't fall into the friendship trap.

Okay... so have you gotten past all this pretend friendship bullshit? GOOD!