Joyce Brothers: Mom worries her son reads too much

By DR. JOYCE BROTHERS

Published 10:00 pm, Wednesday, October 3, 2007

DEAR DR. BROTHERS: My son is a great 10-year-old who has always loved books. I know other parents would like to have this "problem," but he is always found in his bedroom, curled up in his beanbag chair, reading! He does his homework, but he is not into sports, friends, computer games, TV or anything -- just books. He has at least 10 adventure novels from the library always on hand. I wouldn't mind this, but he seems increasingly isolated from the family, and he is not very fit and is getting chubby. Should I be worried? -- C.D.

DEAR C.D.: As you have noted, this is not the worst problem you could have with a child approaching adolescence. The words "video game," "Internet" and "television" come to mind! Some sociologists think that we are on our way to a society in which most people are basically illiterate, so it's a genuinely valuable pastime your son has made his own. I'm sure that as long as he is reading worthwhile books, he will find lifelong benefit from his reading. Now is a time when he can be in his own world, deciding what works for him and what doesn't. Soon enough, the maelstrom of middle school will be swirling around him, and I understand why you are worried about his being unprepared to face it.

There are book discussion clubs for children -- sometimes including a parent -- and one of those might be a good start, getting him to be a little more outgoing and meeting other kids who love books. Most readers are also good writers -- maybe you can suggest he become a book reviewer for the school newspaper or volunteer at the library. You can make reading time a reward for "outdoor" or exercise goals he can meet. Don't let his love of books be an excuse for being a couch potato. There is a happy medium.

DEAR DR. BROTHERS: How do I let go of an ugly memory from my past? When I was a little kid, a mean girl in the neighborhood came at me on her bike. I pushed the bike away, and she fell down and cried. She wasn't hurt, but I didn't help her, and a couple of years later, she died of cancer. I know that has nothing to do with anything, but I always felt so guilty about the incident. Is it too late now to apologize to her or her family, as 40 years have passed? I consider myself a nice person; must I keep feeling guilty? -- H.B.

DEAR H.B.: That is up to you. Unfortunately, you have let this small incident build up through the years and get all mixed up with the death of this little girl in your neighborhood. Because there were bad feelings between you that were not resolved before her death, you have been unable to have closure all these years. I'm sure you felt guilty when the incident first happened, but your anger kept you from apologizing. When the child became ill, you probably ran away from the whole scary scenario and just avoided her from then on.

If you look back, you will see that your part in this small drama was actually to defend yourself from the girl's mean actions. If you saw the same scenario being played out in your neighborhood today, as an adult you would probably blame the girl on the bike -- it would have been a nice gesture to help her out, but a child doesn't always do the right thing. Your job now is to stop obsessing about this moment from your past. Try some volunteer work now -- perhaps with ill or troubled kids. I imagine you will soon feel that you have done your penance for this incident and can put it to rest.