Understanding grief

One way to understand grief has been to consider it as a process containing stages that we move through often oscillating backward and forward. For example see my four stage model based on researching other models and my experience at the end of my marriage

Initial shock

Involves denial, numbness, physical effects, withdrawal or busyness

The Reality Stage

Acknowledging the reality of the loss and understanding the implications of the changes.

Involves many emotions including anger, depression, fear, anxiety, guilt, hopelessness. Is a time of intense pain and sorrow

Letting go

Accepting the implications of the loss and the new reality. Withdrawing emotionally from what was lost.

Involves saying goodbye, forgiveness

Moving on

Healing and becoming ready to invest emotionally in the new reality.

Involves hope, peace, forward planning

There is now a move away from stage models of processing grief describing them as ‘linear’. The Worden Task model based on grief following death of a loved one ‘suggests that grieving should be considered as an active process that involves engagement in four tasks’ 1 which are shown below against my stages.

Stage of grief

Worden task based model

Shock stage

Accept the reality of the loss

Reality

Process the pain and grief

Letting go

Adjust to a world without the deceased

Moving on

Embarking on a new life (still with connection to deceased)

Watch the video below for an explanation of the process using my stages and Worden’s task