Monthly Archives: January 2010

So why don’t I do a positively dull post about what I’ve been doing, and what’s on the horizon. Hopefully that will whet your appetite for some hot Duchess action to come, no?

I’ve discovered that I can take my Master’s research to an erotic place. Speaking with one of the professors in the program about my writing positively delighted her, and if I get accepted into the program, I can explore erotic writing, communities and women. I can’t express how positively thrilled I am at this turn of events.

I was approached by no less than 5 separate companies in the past week or so for reviews. Some of them will be done here, some on their websites, some both. I am hoping to find someone to take photos of the lingerie so I can contribute to some HNT action. I do that far too rarely.

I was supposed to meet “Ike” tonight, but due to some very dull circumstances not even worth mentioning, it is now postponed to next weekend. The same weekend I’m meeting Hamlet. Lovely. I think it’s better though, next weekend we (meaning me and Ike) can actually be alone, so I’ll know if there’s some real chemistry there, not just on screen.

Having someone say “I want to fuck you” even if it’s just via chat is very stimulating. I was surprised how that simple phrase resulted in such an immediate reaction out of me this week. So please, anyone here who likes my writing enough to think you want to fuck me? Please send me an email and tell me so. It will absolutely make my day. (Not that this post in particular will result in that kind of reaction – perhaps go to the side bar and read the Duchess’s O’s – much more representative…)

I forgot to mention this days ago, but I’m thinking about doing another “Choosethe Duchess’sAdventure” series of posts. I have a poll up on the side – let me know where you’d like the adventure to start…

I got my first Lelo to review! I am positively wet with excitement, and feel like sending the lovely Christina at TabuToys.com a fruit basket or something in appreciation.

You’ve heard about “The Couple” – that seems to have slowed down a bit. I think my reluctance to jump in with both feet has caused a bit of a cooling off period. While I am fairly certain that I could heat things up again with a bit of effort, I need to take the time to consider whether I really want to do so.

Then there’s Ike- someone who could charm his way into my pants without breaking a sweat.A charming lad who says all the right things and has managed, without even trying, to get me hot and wet with simply a few lines of facebook chat. I confess, it’s my own insecurities that make me wonder whether he’s simply trying to “collect” me as one of the women in his list, and doesn’t actually intend to follow through with any of it. Apparently though, we’re meeting this weekend.

And finally there’s Hamlet. Sweet, kind, with nary a sexual innuendo in his messages. We’ve been messaging for months now, and have finally settled on a very casual meeting date in two weeks. I don’t know whether to be relieved, or concerned that my charms are so easily put off.

The blatant differences between the three men are actually laughable. I kind of feel like I have some sort of dissociative disorder being attracted to such a bizarre range of personalities.

It got me considering the possibility of keeping them all, and what separate compartments I would place them into.

The Couple I suppose would fit into “the lover” category. Straight sex, flirting and seduction. And while I have no doubt that they are an intelligent, interesting couple who would be worth spending time with outside of the bedroom…I can’t envision us becoming bff’s.

Hamlet? “The boyfriend.” I’ve attempted to insert some subtly risqué comments into our communications, but he chose to not run with it. Perhaps speaking of Beltane rituals was outside of his comfort zone? However, I absolutely adore talking to him, and am positively panting to see if there’s anything there that’s a bit less cerebral and more physical…

And Ike? I suppose he would fit into the “friends with benefits” category. The alarming rate that he “friends” seductively posed women on facebook implies to me that he perhaps isn’t looking for something exclusive with me. However, he’s funny and delightful – so I can see us having a hot romp, then giggling and watching movies every once in a while.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if life could in fact contain people in all these categories without the addition of feelings and other such complications? I don’t know how some of you manage to balance it all. I have absolutely no doubt that a life containing all these people would make me blissfully happy for about 5 minutes, then would blow up (messily) all over me.

I’ve been dabbling a bit on an adult site, and since a lot of my readership do the same, I feel compelled to offer a bit of advice on some etiquette that you may consider following. (Purely biased, and lord knows my own personality is tainting all of this).

Generally:

Don’t assume that you’re going to login, find someone interesting, and be naked together within hours. It’s just not safe, and not realistic. Even on sites that are devoted to finding sex, you should expect that people do need to be cautious, and will want to talk to you for a little bit before just diving in. This may take days or weeks.

Chat Rooms:

Don’t be needy. This can cover a range of behaviours of course, but I want to cite a specific example that’s a no-no. If you don’t know something, and ask for some general advice on something – OK, that’s fine. But don’t ask people to do ALL the work. E.g. “where are the sex clubs in a specific city?” A little bit lazy, as this could be googled – but people may be nice and offer up some suggestions. But do NOT ask them to start phoning around for you to confirm that the place offers this or that, or is still open. The chat room is not a bunch of PA’s, just waiting to do your bidding.

If you ask someone if they are into this or that (because you ARE this or that) don’t get all pissy when they say no. You asked because you didn’t know. There was a 50/50 shot that the answer wouldn’t be what you wanted to hear. No need to get insulting about their personal proclivities.

If a person is trying to politely steer you away from a line of questioning in an open chat room TAKE THE HINT. It may not be appropriate to discuss it there. Or they may simply not want to talk about it at all. Don’t keep pushing. It’s rude. And potentially harassment.

Profiles:

Men- do you really have to post cock shots? Seriously? They all pretty much look the same. I’ve yet to ever speak with another woman who’s been all impressed with a cock shot. (Same thing goes for emailing women that same photo. Honey, if you MUST send it, include a face and/or torso shot too so we can put it into some perspective).

USE YOUR WORDS. The following: “i’m a hot guy who wants to fuck a hot chick. interested?” does not an arousing profile make. I have absolutely NO interest in either approaching you, or doing anything other than deleting any poorly written message that you choose to send me.

Correspondence:

Send me a fantasy of all the things you’d like to do to me. Great. But don’t send that without anything else. Ask a question or something at the end, and not just “sound good?”

Don’t send a partial fantasy and then demand that I finish it. That will just annoy me that you’ve given me a homework assignment. Where do you get off ordering me around?

Don’t send multiple messages in a day. If I want to respond, I will do so. We don’t know each other. And maybe we’ve corresponded some – so that means I’m a little interested. But don’t be demanding my time yo. It’s valuable: to me. YOU have no ownership of it.

Here are some things I would absolutely LOVE you to do:

Tell me what about my profile interested you, and why. And maybe it’s a sex site – but don’t assume that everyone is on the same page – you have to probe a bit.

Do have an idea of what a realistic plan is to eventually meet someone. If I respond with “what did you have in mind??” say something other than “whatever you want.” That? Is not really helpful. You might think it sounds laid back and accommodating – but in actuality, it can just come off as lazy.

In chat – I like it when people tell me I’m funny and that turns them on. Yes, I have a great pair of legs – but that’s just a bit of the package. So pay attention to a person’s WORDS and find something about them to connect to on another level.

And that, my darlings is the conclusion of my lecture.Not one of my ultra-edited posts, but one of the occasional writings that is actually in the Duchess’s own voice. Follow those steps above, and you’ll be well on your way to getting me into bed.

So I’ve discovered a new adult site, and the people running it were absolutely delighted to find that I was willing to talk to all you sexy darlings about it.

The Lifestyle Lounge is another site available to meet people for a specific purpose. And no, it isn’t for a white picket fence and dreamy talks about “us.” The catchphrase for the site is: The place to explore the erotic side of your life. And if you’re interested – there’s a sexy-voiced little minx who can tell you all about what the site has to offer.

And surprisingly, I have to say – there’s a lot there. This isn’t simply a dull little site that lets you post a profile and maybe hosts a chat. There are blogs, welcomes, notices about whose birthday it is today (OK, I found that one a bit amusing…), merchandise, events etc etc.

The main focus of the site appears to be for couples looking to get involved with other couples, or singles – but there is an opportunity for singles to hook up with other singles too. You can tell that the site is growing, so I can imagine in a few months the place will be even more hopping with people.

It’s pretty diverse too. Are you in Minneapolis or St. Paul? (I’ve noticed some readers from that area) Chicago? (where Ronjazz is setting up a blogger meet – we could post that event on this site) The site covers all those cities, and even my little town in Canada has representation.

Registering was pretty painless, and I discovered that posting up photos resulted in a free membership for a month. Otherwise the prices range from approximately $25.00 for one month to $190.00 for a year. Not bad if you’re seriously looking at hooking up with some like-minded people. At least you get the free trial to decide if it’s worth your while…

I signed up for one day and already got some messages, so it seems like a pretty friendly place considering the fact that I’ve done absolutely nothing to get attention.

So far my favourite aspect of the site is that it automatically sorts all your searches geographically. So you just pick a category and it will immediately list those people beginning with your own city, then outwards in increasing kilometers (miles for you Americans…).

I’m looking forward to exploring the site a bit more – and let you know any amusing stories once I actually get into the culture. Should be a naughty, fun time…

He was part of a swinging couple that appeared to have a great deal of laxity in their rules and boundaries. Although I hadn’t pushed him to find out exactly what the limits were.

He realized that I had a love of erotic writing, so he decided to seduce me with his words. He was a writer himself, and so he teased me with it – sending me the story in tiny increments, but demanding a steeper payment for each subsequent chapter.

First he only requested feedback. Then he wanted to know my secrets. Enticing me to beg him for his…

After a night of steady emailing, he then sought me out in an adult chatroom, focusing on me almost to the exclusion of all others. This has become his habit.

He wanted to meet me. A glass of wine in a classy hotel. Just some talk. Nothing to make me uncomfortable.

But the night was frigid, and I’d already burrowed into my pj’s. The thought of primping again for a midnight rendezvous across town seemed an insurmountable challenge.

He expressed unending patience with my demurrals, but I wonder how long it will take before he accuses me of simply being a tease. It has happened like that all too many times before. Men don’t seem as concerned about the potential risks of succumbing to these kinds of temptations as perhaps they ought.

With a woman, size is not the consideration, since it’s unlikely we would ever have the strength to overpower you. Our ways are far more devious in making you our victims. Beware.

I don’t believe I’ve ever spoken with the female half of the couple. Disappointing. I admit that my attitudes have undergone a radical transformation in the past year or so. Now that I realize how mainstream it is for couples to seek out a third partner (generally a woman) I’m mildly curious to find out what it would be like.

Would they lavish all their attention on me as the shiny new toy? Or would be expected to be subservient and fulfill their needs? Am I capable of relinquishing all sense of shyness or propriety and simply escape into the moment?

The seduction that the male has engaged in is absolutely intoxicating. Not a day passes without some sort of communication from him – either a new piece he’s working on, or simply an invitation to meet. The volume of attention is flattering, I must admit.

Why do I hesitate? Out of fear of judgment? That I wouldn’t measure up to their standards perhaps? I don’t know. I won’t delude myself (or you) that I’m merely being cautious. To be honest, that thought (perhaps recklessly) isn’t even in my head…

The Errant Wife: while you won’t be surprised to find her as a beautiful and engaging woman, you might not expect her to be so genuinely warm and inclusive as well. She is one of the few people I’ve met who is a fantastically good listener, yet at the same time has truly insightful and fun things to say.

Topaz: Exotically beautiful and smart, yet knows what she wants. Has a firm grasp on how the world works and manages to balance her complex life with style and grace and fun. AND? She greeted us with gifts when she arrived…

Aurore: Hilariously blunt and confident. A truly independent woman who knows herself, and has the intelligence and ability to go out and get what she wants from life. And? An amazingly gracious hostess and tour guide- I cannot wait until the next time we can get together.

I’m generally accustomed to being the “smart” one in a group, but compared to these women, I felt positively flaky and mouse-like.

Now I won’t tell you everything that we did, but a few highlights include: scaring away two couples sitting a bit too close to us, discussions ranging the spectrum from sex & adultery to reincarnation and academia, drinking pink cocktails, and…

Well, I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.An evening with those women is better than months of therapy bills, and I cannot wait until I can see them all again. Ladies – you have an open invitation to my place anytime.

The waiter had disappointingly little cleavage, but The Errant Wife and Topaz are beautiful, no?