Film Review

star1-5

The saddest thing about the new remake of The Karate Kid isn't that it exists in the first place, though that alone is more than a little depressing. What really rankles the nerves about this film is that despite a commendably boisterous score and some sufficiently cocky wire stuntwork during its cacophonous fight scenes, this remake doesn't show any signs that its creators believe the Eastern self-improvement mumbo-jumbo its characters espouse. Though little Dre Parker's (Jaden Smith) quest to learn kung fu is nominally about training oneself to be a better person by being a better fighter ("Everything is kung fu," solemnly intones Jackie Chan's Mr. Han), that reason is pretty flimsy in light of the lazy and lifeless storytelling used to make it stick.

Admittedly, the original Karate Kid's central tenets were goofy as all get out: a white teen makes good on his potential by learning Japanese philosophy and some moves, snagging Elisabeth Shue in the end. As crass as that sounds, somehow, in spite of its garish narrative, there was something genuine about the original film's belief in ritualized violence as self-actualization. This new Karate Kid bluffs its way through the motions and never manages to invest a shred of conviction in its banal paint-by-numbers stock plot.

Dre Parker is the proverbial fish out of water. He's just moved from Detroit to China because his mother, Sherry (Taraji P. Henson), has a new job there working for a car company. Dre is lazy (he refuses to hang his coat up when his mom asks him to), doesn't speak a bit of Chinese, and doesn't have a father figure to relate to (in his old apartment, the death of his father in 2007 is notched off on a vertical timeline of his life he tallies on a wall, as if losing his dad were a sign that Dre had grown a few more inches). He grows fond of Meiying (Wenwen Han), a nice, soft-spoken Chinese girl next door, but is menaced persistently by Cheng (Zhenwei Wang), the school bully. Cheng naturally beats the snot out of Dre on a regular basis (that's because "all Chinese people know kung fu," Dre mewls to Sherry when he tries to get her to enlist him in a school for kung fu).

You know these beatings are supposed to hurt because of the combination of ham-handed slow-motion photography, flurry of fast-cut wire fu stunts, and thunderous sound effects (props to über-prolific foley artist Robin Harlan for creating such cacophonous and almost convincing noises). As a result of these beatings, Dre gets mad enough to want to learn how to get back at Cheng, who is constantly threatening more violence with an omnipresent glower that radiates all the fury of a thousand pint-sized suns.

Herein enters the film's first hurdle: The characters' just aren't old enough to be convincing in their hormone-driven need to prove themselves. Dre's preteen desperation might be semi-believable if he, his doe-eyed paramour, and his equally vertically challenged nemesis were a bit taller and several grades older; the trio looks more like a gang of sassy Mousketeers than a bunch of legitimately angsty adolescents.

This age gap is also a huge problem when it comes to the range that these kids bring to the project. Han hits her comparatively modest mark by beaming toothy grins worthy of a Colgate model and batting her eyelashes as vigorously as she can. Smith and Wang don't fare so well: Wang's overblown and overused grimace, which looks like it might have originally belonged to Dolph Lundgren, looks especially silly on a kid that hasn't learned how to shave yet.

Smith's performance is the worst of the bunch. The joke about this Karate Kid when it was in early preproduction was that it was one of the most extravagant gifts producer/actor Will Smith could give his son. Now that the film is a reality, that joke is not nearly as funny as it used to be. Jaden can't help the fact that Dre whines his way through most of his scenes anymore than he can help being a lifeless and mostly unremarkable performer. This is especially apparent in scenes like the one where he first plants one on Meiying. The scene itself is canned as all get out, but that artifice is even more obvious because of the way that Smith tries and fails to look convincing as a flustered tyke in heat. It might be his age or it might just be the fact that he got a part because his daddy's a mega-star celebrity. Either way, the kid just doesn't have it.

Which is funny because, again, this is a movie about training and it's kind of impossible to train to be Will Smith's kid. Just as Jaden probably doesn't deserve his starring role, so too does Dre not really deserve to train to fight in an upcoming tournament to prove to Cheng which of them is the real king of the jungle gym. Dre is taught by reclusive maintenance man Mr. Han (Jackie Chan) that "the best fight is the one you avoid." Han also teaches Dre that "there are no bad students, only bad teachers." So, naturally, when Mr. Han takes Dre to scold Cheng's kung fu instructor, who teaches his students to show "no mercy," Han instantly caves in to the bigger man's ultimatum that either Smith fights Cheng or Han fights him. I guess becoming a hypocrite is inevitable when you live your life one fortune cookie truism at a time.

That macguffin isn't, however, the most insipid when it comes to the film's myriad fallacious teachings. What's most upsetting is Dre's budding romance with Meiying. These kids have yet to hit puberty and already they're swooning for each other, he professing his fealty to her strict father while she flirtatiously takes him backstage at a shadow puppet performance so as to better explain the intricacies of the play's story of undying love, among other things. By now, using lovesick prepubescent kids as a means of indoctrinating kids into thinking that meeting your soulmate is as easy as looking over your shoulder at the girl sitting on a nearby park bench has become a staple of cruddy generic movies. But when your film is about the importance of learning how to better respect others and yourself, that kind of rote line-toeing bullshit just doesn't cut it. Pop wisdom of the worst kind, The Karate Kid isn't just flat—it's inane and more than a little irresponsible.

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I'm pretty sure he's assuming that I'm someone that grew up with the original and hasn't been able to accept signs of the changing times...I think. Which is funny because I'm 24, saw the original film on tv as a kid and don't have any strong emotional feelings either way about it.

Posted by Simon Abrams on 2011-03-29 10:49:05

cobalt360, I\'m not sure what you\'re after with your snark. Are you pointing out a mistake made by the film or by our writer? Unlike the original Karate Kid, which actually concerned karate, this reboot takes place in China and is actually about kung fu.

Posted by Jonathan Keefe on 2011-03-14 04:28:11

wow ...

The original Karate Kid was released in 1984. This one in is a 2010 release.

Let\'s stop for a moment and review a few things that have taken place since 1984. The end of the Cold War. A global AIDS epidemic. An increased acceptance of the rights of women and homosexuals. An obsession with child stars genetically engineered by Walt Disney. China has become a global superpower. And oh yeah ...911!

This is no longer the world Simon Abrams grew up in. News flash ...teenage girls are finding themselves pregnant at the age of 13 ...not 23 like you\'d prefer. If you look around you\'ll find plenty of American boys turning 12 and going on dates ...and I don\'t play dates.

If there\'s any inaccuracy worth mentioning about this reboot, it\'s the fact that Karate is Japanese and this film is clearly about Kung Fu ...which is Chinese. But hey, Star Wars has space ships that make sound in outer space. Who cares?

Pay attention to the movie you\'re reviewing, as well as the world around you.

Posted by Anonymous on 2011-03-13 23:20:46

With all due respect, the original Karate Kid was not a about a teen "learning Chinese philosophy". But in fact, Karate and the discipline involved in the film was Japanese. However, considering the switch made in the current film, I certainly understand the confusion.

Posted by Anonymous on 2011-01-16 12:38:58

This is a well argued review; I wish I could say the same for some of these comments. This film is a testament to much of what is is wrong with Hollywood in 2010: unoriginal, entitled, uninspired, vapid, and commercial.

The herd - mentality expressed by the likes of "MamaMia" and "powerup" in defense of such garbage is exactly what the studio was banking on when it green - lit this putrid picture. I want to vomit.

Posted by Anonymous on 2010-06-23 09:19:06

This review has more to do with this guy's personal jealousy ("...he got a part because his daddy's a mega - star celebrity.") than anything to do with this movie. The level of anger in your review is something I expect to see in a place like youtube.

Posted by Anonymous on 2010-06-15 02:52:45

There is a real influx of comments on Slant movie reviews lately that come from someone who found the site through Rotten Tomatoes who comes and complains that the writers \"don\'t get it,\" or they\'re so bourgeois and too snobby to enjoy something that\'s \"fun.\" They should probably just stick to Pete Hammond\'s reviews or movie criticism from the Lyons. They\'re into rating movies based on \"fun.\"

Really, lady, get a life. And Simon, stop honestly critiquing movies so you don\'t incur the wrath of those million moms who have an unhealthy interest in Will Smith\'s son!

Posted by Anonymous on 2010-06-12 14:43:51

I caught the premiere of The Karate Kid remake with my my ten children and a couple of their friends yesterday, and this review misses the mark far more than the film does. The kids with me THOROUGHLY enjoyed the movie, as did I. Perhaps with a little more seasoning, Mr. Abrams will understand that every film shouldn't be viewed through the same lens. This may be difficult for a cocky, young writer who makes a living out of criticism to understand, but here goes: Mr. Abrams, this film was not made FOR you, or anyone like you, so many of your observations are both meaningless and unfair.

This is a kid and young teen movie. You probably missed the memo, but Jaden Smith is regarded as one of the most adorable young actors out there right now, and it's his quiet demeanor, along with his stature and fresh - faced good looks that he's so popular among (pay attention, now) kids and their MOMS. Go a little deeper into the human psyche, Mr. Abrams. This is Will and Jada's son. Their pockets are deep, and they've been wildly successful. The offspring of most couples with their star power are materialistic, self - centered brats. Jaden and Will's kids are not, and it's very apparent. The character Jaden Smith has always displayed endears him to his fans, GREATLY.

As for what you call the most unbelievable aspects of the movie, all I can say is that you're either a very late bloomer, or you were paying to much attention to your studies as a preteen to notice what was going on around you. Puberty starts a lot earlier than it used to. Whether it's the hormones in our food, or something else, a good three years has been slashed off the average - age scale for puberty onset since I was a kid of the Brady Bunch generation. But, even then, budding romances were common beginning at age eleven, or so. The girls swooned over the boys, and the boys concerned themselves with impressing the other guys. But all was FAIRLY innocent. In your article you make it sound as if the young pair were getting hot and heavy! Waving, coy smiles, and the occasional awkward chat here and there around school hardly constitute a romance, nor does a single, curious peck on the lips.

I won't comment on the Asian stereotypes or any cultural blurring, because I just don't know enough about it. Commentary by other writers in that regard will probably be very enlightening and productive for most Americans. I do feel qualified to speak from an afro - centric point of view, however. Despite your or anyone else's opinion as to his acting ability, Jaden Smith comes from a very 'real' place in his approach to acting, and is a very refreshing and positive role model for our children. So, back up off him, unless you want to incur the wrath of a million moms!

Posted by Anonymous on 2010-06-12 06:07:49

In the last few years, whenever I see Jackie Chan's name along with Robert DeNiro in a movie, I think of Burt Reynolds when he just did movies to make a paycheck without consideration of entertaining the people who buy his product...in other words, don't see the movie when you see those names...they were hired to make the movie bankable, and you are wasting Slant magazines resources with writing a review....let some 11 year old do a 250 word review...furthermore, this movie and the one with George Lopez and Jackie Chan should go straight to DVD, and are designed for distribution to an unsophisticated world market in the middle east, Africa, and Asia. If a movie is as bad as this Karate Kid remake, don't review it, just give it a thumbs down...furthermore, if Will Smith continues with making exploitation slop, I and my movie buff pals will stop buying his products...I rather pay fify bucks and have a custom made to order DVD of an old Edward G. Robinson movie where he and Loretta Young play Asians in a 1930's movie called the Hatchett Man, if you are looking for a movie that deals with the themes of honor, character, and love...maybe Smith and company should take a look at some of those classics if he wants to be more than just another huckster...