In this article I outline the foundation of what I believe is a very helpful set of Parental Alienation coping strategies designed specifically for targeted parents. Targeted parents, after all, live in perpetual states of reactiveness.The Targeted Parent is chronically left to respond to attacks, accusations, provocations and various slanders of all descriptions by various accusers. This enormously difficult psychological environment is a recipe for the development of either acting out behaviors and/or depression.

In the psychological literature we refer to this as an "external locus of control" whereby the individual is left to simply react to whatever may be the next incoming volley of accusations. It is much easier to throw missiles than to catch them, and the Targeted Parent is in the perpetual position to be always having to catch them. At least this is what it feels like, and this is what an "external locus of control" feels like.

In past studies focused on this perspective, what was found to have happened to these individuals who were depressed and whose sense of control was external to them, was that when their depressive symptoms had abated, what had actually happened was that their perceived locus of control had become internalized.

Their "locus of control" had moved from being external to being internal. In other words, they had found ways to refocus their sense of control and attention to things that were within their control.

In cases of prisoners of war, we find that the most resilient prisoners were also able to accomplish this. The classic movie The Great Escape provides repetitive examples of this. The character played by Steve McQueen survives unbelievable periods of isolation in the Cooler by throwing a baseball in a repetitive manner, obviously taking him to a different experiential place.

When Ruben Carter, the former prizefighter was falsely imprisoned for murder, he chose to be awake at night and sleep during the day, symbolizing not only his protest but also his refusal to be in that place.

What these resilient examples reveal is the importance of finding avenues of control, often in very creative ways, that then protects one from giving in to the depths of depression or to the depravity of violence. This is no small feat. Like many things in life, it is simple, but not easy.

Online ​Parental Alienation Education for Attorneys

Learn to counter, deflect, and defend against criticisms and misinformation about Parental Alienation and Parental Alienation Syndrome from the comfort of your home or office! Enroll in our Florida Bar approved course, "Litigating Family Law Cases with Parental Alienation" click here to sign up for individual modules by topic, or to purchase the 11 module bundle. ​

The above article is sharp insight. Please support family court parental equality legislation like Illinois HB 4113. It takes the target off the backs of children going through the torment of divorce.

Reply

Judi Atwood

6/11/2018 10:58:17 am

Hi Dr Bone, do you have any advice for a targeted parent like me. Ive been in the system for 6 years and I am looking for a psychologist that will give me my 9th psyche evaluation in hopes to stop the false accusations which have gone on in over 200 filings. Other than good luck do you have any psychologist here in Colorado that might be able to help. Sincerely Judi Atwood

Reply

Judi Atwood

9/15/2018 03:55:34 pm

B12 is low
Vitamin D depleted
early onset of dementia

All since children have been removed -

Reply

Leave a Reply.

J. Michael Bone, PhD.

Dr. Bone is an experienced consultant for cases involving Parental Alienation and has spent over 25 years working with high conflict divorce as a therapist, expert witness, mediator, evaluator and consultant, both nationally and internationally.