Pages

10/23/15

Capture Your Grief, Day 23: Love Letter

July 17, 2015 | Los Pinos Winery | Pittsburg, Texas

Day 23: Love Letter

Justin,

This last year has been one of the hardest for us, but it's been one with so much growth individually and together...and I'm so grateful for that. I remember when I came to you at the end of 2013 and told you I was ready to start a family; you looked at me with the eyes of a deer staring into headlights and let me know you'd be praying about it. Even as months went by my heart was at peace knowing you had a personal relationship with the God I served as well and that if He'd put this burden on my heart He in His time would put it on yours also. It's been amazing to watch you transform from a nervous husband to a man who deeply longs for a family alongside of his wife. You've traveled a unique journey to get from A to B, but to hear the sureness in your voice, to see the dog-eared corners move through your books about fatherhood, to see your steps slow when we pass a newborn in the store...It has blessed me beyond measure. In the last year you've not always known what to say or how to help me, but you've never failed to love me. You've never failed to suppress my tears with your arms wrapped around me and gentle words that fall directly onto my heart. You've taken me to every test, kissed my sores after every blood draw, and held your tongue after every treatment-induced hormonal episode. You write me notes, visit my office during the day, and hold my hand even tighter than you did on our first date. You love me. It's hard to believe we've been married for five years - some days it feels like it's been mere months, other days it feels like its been an eternity. We've come such a long way from where we first started; every kiss, every trial, every move, and fight and hug have changed us for the better. I cannot wait until the day when I will get to inform you again that you will be a daddy. To pull the sesame seeds out of the cabinet and marvel at how small they are on our fingertips. To dust off the books we've been waiting so long to read about what to expect, and to be utterly terrified in the best possible way with you. You have always been my anchor in this world, Justin, since the day we met. Thank you for loving me, for leading me, for holding me up and for fighting through the glass walls that have formed around me at times in this last year. Thank you for hoping with me, for praying for and with me, for celebrating and for mourning with me. It's you and me forever, babe...we're buying our first house this month, our first home. Together. We're dreaming of a life that we can continue, a family we can start, a home we can make. Hallelujah, what a savior... I can't imagine doing this with anyone but you.