For the rest of the world, the goal of “no-sleep beauty” is “pretending you weren’t out all night.” For academics, it’s just the opposite–concealing that you got a full night’s sleep. I’ve taken graduate courses at three schools in three countries now, and what they all have in common is the Suffering Olympics, the unending cycle of one-upmanship about who’s working hardest and sleeping least. Thus, there are two uses for makeup when you’re an academic: to look like you’re not dying, or to look like you are.

Ok, and job interviews, but that’s in the center of the Venn diagram.

If you look like you’ve been, gods forbid, taking care of your physical and emotional needs, you will be accused of being that worst of all things: “unserious.” The ultimate mark of academic virtue and prowess is the sublimation of all your own needs into your work.

But what if you could practice self-care AND retain the respect of your cohort? Climb on board Kusano Iori’s All-Night Anxiety Express and learn how to get the haggard, sallow face of a Truly Devoted Academic!