Staying Home Instead

Fighting the Baby Blues

We provide articles
from our publications from previous years for reference for our Leaders and
members. Readers are cautioned to remember that research and medical information
change over time

"Staying Home Instead"
is a regular feature of the magazine NEW BEGINNINGS, published bimonthly
by La Leche League International. In this column, suggestions are offered
by readers of NEW BEGINNINGS to help parents who choose to stay at home
with their children. Various points of view are presented. Not all of
the information may be pertinent to your family's life-style. This information
is general in nature, and not intended to be advice, medical or otherwise.

Situation

I was so looking forward
to having my baby and staying home with her. My sister and my friends
have been so happy with their babies, and I wanted that happiness, too.
Instead, ever since my baby has been born I've had the blues. Little
frustrations seem so overwhelming. I want to be enjoying my daughter
and instead I end up crying when she does. Being a mother seems harder
to me than my former job as a corporate lawyer. My mother says it's
just postpartum adjustment and things will get better. I hope she's
right, but sometimes it's hard to believe things will ever change. How
do other mothers make it through the baby blues?

Response

After I had my first child,
my grandmother told me, "Being a mother is the hardest job in the world!"
This statement made me feel better, but also worse. I started to think,
"What did I get myself into by having a baby? This is seriously difficult."
But now that some time has passed, I realize it was a time for me to
grow and change into a better person - someone who is more patient and
giving.

Things will get easier for
you. The birth of a baby is a new job for you and it usually is more
challenging than working outside the home! Try spending time with other
mothers who understand what you are going through. Keep attending La
Leche League meetings and get the support you need. I can't stress the
importance of getting support enough! We weren't meant to do this alone.
Also know that your baby will only be little for a short time and soon
she will be older and not needing you so intensely. Embrace the challenges
of motherhood because facing them helps you be the best person you can
be.

Denise Evarts
New York NY USA

Response

After my wonderful son, Liam,
was born, I felt sad, angry, panicked, frustrated, and overwhelmed all
the time. I spent most of my time crying, snapping at my husband, or
getting annoyed at little things. I felt as though I was drowning and
there was no way out. I loved my baby so much and had looked forward
to having him for so long. Why couldn't I just be happy?

First, know that you are
not alone, and that this is not your fault. Then, try to identify what
is happening. How long has this been going on? If it has just been a
week or two, it may just be the baby blues which as many as 80 percent
of women experience postpartum. (See sidebar)
In this case, be sure to get plenty of rest, drink lots of water, eat
healthful food (lots of small meals/snacks may be just right), and let
the housework slide except for the essential duties. Reach out to your
husband, family, and friends for help, and be sure to talk to others
about how you are feeling. Even though it may not seem like it right
now, the blues do go away. It's just that you have a lot to adjust to
right away. Your body just went through major changes to deliver a baby
and now it is experiencing many hormonal changes. And yes, being a mother
is a tough job (but it is worth it!).

If it has been going on for
more than two weeks, you may be experiencing postpartum depression,
like I did. If this is the case, please call a doctor, whether it is
an obstetrician, family doctor, or a psychiatrist. The sooner you get
help, the easier it will be to treat your problem. You may need to take
medication to get over your postpartum depression. If your doctor tells
you that you have to wean your baby and be put on medication, call your
LLL Leader. She can look up information that will help you and your
doctor to decide the best course of action for you. I am still on medication
(although now at a lower dose) and still nursing my 17-month-old son.
Postpartum depression is a medical condition that is not your fault.

Ten percent of women experience
postpartum depression. It is not something that women make up, nor is
it women being weak. It happens to all kinds of women - lawyers and
waitresses, young and old, rich and poor, educated and uneducated, those
with a history of depression, and those who have never had a moment
of depression. You are not alone.

If you ever feel like you
are going to hurt yourself or your baby, it is critical that you get
professional help immediately! Call your doctor, 911, or check yourself
into the hospital. Although such symptoms are rare, it is important
information to have should the need arise.

No matter what, keep talking
about it, tell your husband, your family, and your friends. Let them
know how you feel, and what they can do to help. I dealt with my postpartum
depression and the stress of being a new mother through medication,
counseling, LLL, prayer, a postpartum depression support group, and
the love and assistance of family and friends. You can too. Good luck!

Barbara Abbate
Lebanon NH USA

YOU'RE NOT ALONE

"Researchers often
find widely varied answers when they poll new mothers about
their feelings. Generally, however, it appears that from 50
to 80 percent of all new mothers experience some short-lived
negative feelings that can be classified as the 'blues.' And
probably 10 to 20 percent of new mothers have a more long-lasting
and more upsetting bout of negative feelings. There are no exact
figures; but postpartum depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive,
and panic reactions likely fall in this range, with 10 to 20
new mothers out of every 100 experiencing some of these difficulties.
Finally, only 1 or 2 out of every 1,000 new mothers actually
experience what is called postpartum psychosis."

Response

As a psychiatrist who works
with mothers, children, and adolescents, I have seen many women who
feel sad and overwhelmed after the birth of a baby. Often, these feelings
are transient and due to the hormonal changes, associated with pregnancy
and birth. However, approximately 10 percent of mothers develop postpartum
depression and many of these women are never diagnosed or treated.

Although only a health care
professional can diagnose someone with postpartum depression, there
are many signs that can let you know if it might be a good idea to seek
help. These include: "blues symptoms" that last beyond the first month,
severe anxiety or panic attacks, very deep sadness, worries that you
might hurt your baby or yourself, or obsessive thoughts or mental images
that you can't seem to stop.

The first thing any new mother
can do to help with the tremendous adjustment is to seek social support.
In addition to friends and relatives, you might seek out a group of
stay-at-home mothers in your community, and consider them your new "professional
organization." Many new mothers find that LLL introduces them to like-minded
women who can support them in the adjustment to this new job. However,
sometimes depression can make seeking support difficult or impossible.
If increasing social contacts is not helpful, consider seeking professional
help. You can see your health care provider to discuss the problem and
seek referrals to a mental health provider. Many women respond to psychotherapy
and it is often a good place to start. There are also support groups
in some communities, some of which are run by Depression After Delivery,
Inc., (800) 944-4PPD. Other women benefit from medication. There is
much recent evidence that several antidepressants are compatible with
breastfeeding. Information about medications and breastfeeding can be
obtained from your physician, your child's pediatrician, a lactation
consultant, or LLL.

The primary message I wish
to convey is that there is hope that things will get better. For most
women, this happens by itself with time and support. However, for the
one woman in ten who has a clinical depression, there is also hope with
treatment. In the long run, it is better to seek treatment for the sake
of yourself and your baby than to worry about what others will think
if you see a mental health professional.

Ellen Grosh
Plymouth MN USA

Response

I think I can relate to that
"what-have-I-done!" feeling you seem to imply in your question. I felt
overwhelmed and depressed after my child was born, too. Of course, I
was thrilled and excited to stay home with my son. At the same time,
my life had radically changed from being a busy career person with a
second career as a classical singer to being a stay-at-home mother.
I felt I'd lost my identity, my sense of who I was, and where I belonged
in the larger scheme of things. It took me a good five months to get
over the shock, to relax and allow myself to just "be" in the moment.

Often, when we're in the
midst of change, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
However, I encourage you to hang in there. Your feelings will probably
change when you've had more time to adjust. After a year of being a
stay-at-home mother, I've only recently recognized the importance of
what I set in motion with the birth of my child. It's okay to shift
gears and go in a new direction. Remember that life is long and there
will be lots of time to do many things!

Malya Muth
Gig Harbor WA USA

Response

I totally understand what
you are going through: the baby blues happened to me before I left the
hospital, not even two days after my precious daughter, Gabriela was
born. At the hospital, I was told that my baby would probably not be
able to get enough milk at my breast and that I would need to supplement
breastfeeding with baby formula using a very interesting device called
a Supplemental Nursing System (SNS). Feeling I was unable to nourish
my child with just my milk affected everything else. I felt overwhelmed
by even basic baby care such as giving her a bath, changing her diapers,
and even keeping track of how many wet diapers she had. I left the hospital
sobbing desperately. Things did not get better at home.

How did I get my mind out
of a huge depression? I kept in mind some very good advice I tried to
follow. I had to take care of myself first to be able to be a good parent
to my little one. I was very selective about which phone calls to accept.
My answering machine was overflowing with the nicest messages, from
very kind people that I had absolutely no desire to speak to. So I answered
very few, and the majority heard from us a month later, when we were
finally able to figure out the whole logistics of sending the baby announcements.

We took things in our own
time and I am glad about it. There is no pressure for you to feel "good"
immediately. Motherhood is a big change, and dealing with so many incredibly
important responsibilities inside the home can be quite overwhelming.

My last piece of advice:
try to go to your monthly LLL meetings. It is such a wonderful place
to connect to other mothers and it could be a very good support group
for you in this special phase of your and your baby's lives.