No experience: On one hand, you don't know what you are missing. However, you long for it more than one who has had the experience; the void could be bigger because you can't fill it with memories of what it was like. You feel like you are missing something, yet the fact that you can't pinpoint it leaves you frustrated.

With experience: On the other hand, you can fill the void of wanting to have this experience now, but when you do, you are reminded of how you are without it which brings equal, maybe greater, sadness than if you had never known what that experience was like.

I am torn here as to which side of the hill has greener grass. I suppose they are both grassless until you get to have a picnic on the grassy patch in between. So, the experience itself seems to be the only way to look out to all sides of the hill and see nothing but green.-------------------->

how is it only 9:10 am ... today is going to be a long one. i have a meeting with my boss this afternoon (who is under 40, is about 3 people removed from GE's CEO, and drives a lexus) about my "business goals and objectives". what am i supposed to say? i have a sneaking suspicion that "pay off my credit card bills" will not suffice. ahhhhhhh. if anyone reads this before 2:30 EST friday jan 24, call me at work for some b.s. responses. i figured once i got through the interview for this job, i wouldn't have to b.s. like this... but alas. anyway, 260.439.2341. i'll even answer the phone "good (morning/afternoon/yaddayadda) lindsay smith?" ; )

Thursday, January 23, 2003

Wednesday, January 22, 2003

Bob: If you would, would you walk us through a typical day, for you?
Peter: Yeah.
Bob: Great.
Peter: Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door--that way Lumbergh can't see me, heh--after that I sorta space out for an hour.
Bob: Da-uh? Space out?
Peter: Yeah, I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.

i dont know why or how i find it so easy to discount what other people tell me. not really in a fact-information way either. i don't really know what that says about me, and i dont think i want to know.

Wednesday, January 15, 2003

LOL (okay maybe not so loud, but internally, i'm laughing my ass off) i just remembered back to the summer when my 2 best friends packed me a nice little care package, only to have my mom and sister get all excited about it, run up to me like children, asking if they can take a peek inside and have some candy (no joke). only to their surprise do they find some, err, well i wouldn't call it candy, but i do suppose it could go in your mouth. nuf said, that was pretty sick. but it was intensely funny at the time and i still laugh about it. raaaaaaaandom memory. well, not quite so. point of my story: i like when things can make me laugh at work, such as (work) IMs, and random memories. that's pretty much it for now. wow i kind of feel like someone i know who writes really bad blogs. s/he will remain nameless, but don't you wonder if it's yoooooou?!?! ; )

Sunday, January 12, 2003

I’m blogging from word… cuz I’m disconnected and won’t be hooked up to the www until Saturday. And I hate word because it capitalizes my I’s and proper nouns, such as Saturday. Screw that! Oh and the first word of each sentence. And when I spell sentence with an a after the t, it corrects it for me! Frustrating. I think this is a sign I need a life.

Anyway. I am still not unpacked entirely… I think it’s a form of denial myself… not quite sure on that. I’m thinking of picking up my dr. phil book and taking a glance at it to see if I’m crazy or what not.

New years eve was pretty fun, drove to kalamazoo and hung out with kare and ame and her friend rachel. You should have seen us at midnight, oh we were uncontrollable. And by uncontrollable, I mean sitting on the couch, doing pretty much nothing, freaking out that we were sitting there like bumps on logs. : ) it was funny if you ask me. But you didn’t, so I’ll move right along.

The next day I was supposed to go see lion king, but I kinda screwed that one up. I called mike to tell him that the show we were going to see was sold out, and we made plans to see a later one (ummm, and why didn’t you tell me you were at 14 and lahser, you t **d). so I go out and run errands, seeing as how it was my last day to get my shit together before I moved. To make a short story less long (???) I was way late getting to his house and we missed the show. Bummer. Goooooood story. We ended up eating and what not, and I almost got beat up by the waiter. Ended the night with a regret, but oh well.

Friday was move day. Really, though, extremely uneventful. Jane drove like 65 mph, and I cringed. I was like “do you want me to drive, no REALLY I don’t mind… are you SURE?” I’m such a brat like that. Saturday was KARIN’S 21st birthday!!! Waaaahooey, so I drove up to kzoo to help her ring in that special birthday. We went to Fridays where jack and co. bought her drink after drink. She was drunk soon enough :P that was the beginning of our “bathroom breaks”. I love when I drink with my friends (as opposed to my enemies?!?!)… because when we get drunk, we have “talks” about “things”. I love it. Its funny cuz once the barrier is broken, we’ll go to the bathroom to talk, and then someone will kick the other out cuz she actually has to pee. It’s funny, I guess. It was a fun night, got to hang out with rob, and got to see jack and jon and ryan (even re-enacted the whole marriage counselor thing) and their other friends.

Today, Sunday, I just drove back to the Wayne and attempted to unpack. Like I said, I think I’m in denial. I can’t really deny the fact that I have to work in 8 hours though, for 8 hours. Alsjkfa;jksdajdalfjd. Fuck, that even capitalized that jargon, I hate that!