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Thursday, 12 October 2017

My Story

Hi there everyone! I have a special and very personal post for you today where I won't be sharing a card but the story behind my blog. I'm finally ready to talk about it and I have written it down here. I hope you'll find a moment to go through the text and if you have any questions, feel free to ask! I'm totally ok with that ;).¡Hola a todos! Hoy os traigo una entrada especial y muy personal en la que no voy a compartir una tarjeta sino la historia que hay detrás de mi blog. Por fin estoy lista para hablar de ello y lo he escrito todo aquí abajo. Espero que podáis encontrar un ratito para leerla y, si tenéis alguna duda, preguntad sin problemas :).

"It’s
been already three years since I started my Youtube channel and blog.
I wanted to share the reasons that led me to do it from the
beginning, but soon I realized that I wasn’t ready for it. Yet.

Today,
258
posts later, I’m ready. Today I’m revealing a part of me that not
many people have seen, a part of me that makes me feel vulnerable
and that I would never open up to the world if I wasn’t absolutely
convinced of how helpful it could be for anyone going through the
same situation. So here it is. This is my story:

I
don’t want to bore you with unnecessary details, so I’ll try to
get straight to the point.

When
I was 21 years old, after leaving my family to move to another city
and going through a hard break up that had torn me into pieces, I
started suffering from anxiety. It was a quiet kind of anxiety, not
easily noticed, yet it was ripping me apart from inside out.

That’s
when I started eating, eating all the time, eating after I was full,
even disgusted, eating until the thought of taking another bite was
absolutely unbearable. And I would promise myself it wouldn’t
happen again, that tomorrow I would stop, that I would get it under
control. But tomorrow wouldn’t come.

A
few months passed by and logically, I gained weight. I couldn’t
fasten up my pants and started to feel uncomfortable in my own body.
Those extra pounds weren’t a health problem, I was simply heavier
than before and that made me feel ugly and unworthy. Every woman
“knows” that if you don’t have a flat stomach, a perfectly
rounded cellulite-free butt, a gap between the legs and slim arms,
you are not worth it. That’s what we are told from the moment we
are born. It’s on tv, in cartoons, in the add panel in front of
your house, in the bus stop, in the cinema…it even comes from your
own family and friends. It doesn’t matter where you look, or where
you go, there’s no way out.

And
I started throwing up. I could do it several times a day, then start
a strict diet, break it five days later, binge and throw up again.

At
that point I reached out for help. I was treated by a psychiatrist, a
psychologist and a nurse. They gave me pills, I was forbidden to use
the scale and they helped me control my impulses by following certain
rules.

I
got better, but all that help wasn’t enough to get me completely
out of it. Everything they could do for me was already done, now it
was only in my hands to get fully recovered. But it was far from
easy. People don’t usually understand how hard it is to stop
yourself when you suffer from bulimia, it’s an addictive vicious
circle that sometimes seems impossible to break.

Right
then, another disease came to my life to change it forever. I was
diagnosed with IBD (Inflammatory Bowel Disease) when I was 27. The
doctor told me I had ulcerative colitis, a chronic disease that has
no cure and could only be treated with drugs to control the symptoms.
If I was lucky I could live a normal life, but the disease would be
with me for the rest of it.

It
would make a lot of sense to think that this new disease helped me
cope with bulimia. And it did, for a while. But it wasn’t enough
and it got even worse when my disease aggravated a couple of years
later. It had taken me years to find an occupation that made me feel
happy and satisfied. I was convinced that being an actress was the
right choice for me, what I could do best and my destiny. It wasn’t
about being famous, not even close, it was simply my calling,
everything made sense when I was on stage or when the camera started
rolling. But my disease had a different plan for me and I was forced
to leave my dream and stay home much longer than I wanted. At first I
thought it would be only for a while, that I would get better and go
back to my career. But that never happened.

During
the next years, there were times when I had everything under control
while other times everything looked like I didn’t make any
progress. I didn’t think about giving up, but started to be aware
of the fact that things were going to be like that for the rest of my
life.

And
right then, when I had no hope left, I found card making. Yes, that
whole story to get here, to my cards 😊.
It might be difficult to believe, but it was a game-changer. Not only
it had the power to keep my mind busy and help me cope with impulses,
it became my new passion. I didn’t know back then, but the path to
full recovery had just started.

Today,
over three years later, I can say that I’ve left behind a
self-consuming mental illness and I’ve obtained a great tool to
cope with a chronic disease.

That’s
why I’m here, because I know many people out there are going
through similar situations and different forms of anxiety and
depression. Because I’m convinced that something as simple as
crafting can help you deal with it, can even help you to get over it.
I’m not saying a professional treatment isn’t needed, of course
it is, but if you feel that’s no enough, just try this out. Find
out what you like and spend some time doing it every day. And if this
is not your case but you know somebody going through something
similar, encourage them to give crafting a try, it could be just the
extra help they need to keep moving forward.

Mental
Illnesses are very real, and suffered by way more people than we can
imagine, this is just my tiny contribution in order to help and
create awareness. It will have been worth it if at least one person
starts to feel better after reading this.

Thank
you for reading, and thank you to everyone that is following me on
this journey. Your kindness does make a big difference."

Thank you for sharing Amanda. I am sure it took a lot of courage and you are very brave. I am so glad that you found card making as it seems to have helped you. You have a wonderful gift and each week I look forward to enjoying your beautiful immaculately produced cards.

You are so beautiful to listen to and when I watch your videos I always feel good and inspired! I have also found that card making has helped fill a gap in my life that was very hard to bear. I am so happy that you have located your happy place. Keep up the good work!!! Love you!

Thank you for sharing. Know it was a hard journey for you. I have a weight problem and know the feeling that being over weight causes especially when you can't seem to ever lose it. It took a lot of courage to tell others of your problem. Card making is relaxing for me too but don't think I will ever be able to get as good as you. TFS

What a brave person. I too am dealing with depression. My body is slowly taking so many things I like to do. I started crafting. Unfortunately I have realized that instead of eating I spend way too much of my disability pay on crafting supplies. I finally decided to call a debt consolidation company to get my house in order.I'm going to talk to my doctor to see if I need to speak to a physiologist to help me.I love watching others demonstrate techniques but I think I have to buy what they have. I'm going to try to make due with what I have to make my cards and crafts.Many have told me I should sell my cards and crafts but I never feel that they are just not worthy to sell. I was told I am my own worst enemy so I'm going to try to work on that and maybe someday start selling what I make.Thanks again for opening up and maybe helping others to get past their insecurities.

Thank you so much for sharing this with me. First of all, I understand how you feel when you think you need to buy everything, it happens to me too, but it's good to stop and realize you can do very similar things with the supplies you already own. We are very often our own worst enemy, just listen when you talk to yourself, would you say that to a friend you love? This is an exercise I try to do sometimes, we really need to be kinder to ourselves. So, don't give up and keep working on loving yourself more, and of course seek for help if you need it. All the best to you and a big hug!

Hi Amanda, you are very brave for sharing your story, I too suffer from depressions occasionally and I have been over weight for most of my life. I lost 35 pounds after my son was born but I've put 30 pounds back on over the last couple of years with undiagnosed low thyroid and sleep apnea. I have crafted for many years and it just takes me to another place. I'm sure it feels great to put your story to paper and share what many of us go through on a daily basis. Love your videos, you are very talented!

Thank you for sharing your story. I do not suffer from depression but I was married to someone who had manic depression, every day was a roller coaster and so I started doing some crafts, not card making, just crafts and that helped a lot. I jumped from hobby to hobby until I found card making and now I am hooked. I spend way too much money on supplies and like someone wrote in another comment I feel that I need everything they have to make the particular card. I am slowly learning that I don't need everything, I can find something similar and then that makes the card my own. I love this hobby and now all of my family and friends would like sets of cards for birthdays and Christmas and that's what I'm working on now. I love your videos and your cards, they are totally amazing and I am so happy that you found the one hobby that has helped you.

Thank you Denise! I understand very well what you say about wanting everything. There have been many times I bought something I really wanted and then didn't use it more than once, so it is good to work with what we have and get new things only when we know we are going to give them a good use (easier said than done, I know ;)). Hugs!

Oh my goodness I am incredibly touched that you’ve shared your pain and recovery with us. I also suffer from a similar disorder Crohn’s disease so I understand your issues in dealing with that. However everything else that you’ve been through is simply overwhelming. I’m so glad that card making has given you joy and a way of coping. Thank you so much for sharing your talents with us and your story! I wish you all the best! FYI you are an incredibly talented card maker and I truly enjoy your work!

Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm sorry you also have an IBD, it has changed my life dramatically and medication doesn't work very well on me, but I'm trying to stay positive. Hope you are doing better than me :). Big hug!

thank you for sharing your struggles - I can empathize with you as cards have been my joy for a long time - and was especially a blessing when I had to keep my leg immobile for over 5 months to heal a torn muscle - I would have gone nutty without my card making. here is a wonderful article on value of our hobby - http://themailifiles.blogspot.com/2013/02/this-is-your-brain-on-crafts-by-lisa_23.html

Hello and Congrats. What a wonderful recovery story - and so glad you shared it - for I'm sure it helps all who reads this! So glad the terrible pains are behind you - and so glad you use your talent to to help yourself and to help us be passionate too. Crafting is a blessing. Thanks, Denise

Hi Amanda, thank you for sharing your story. You are so brave to put yourself and your story out there, and I want to thank you for that. I am so grateful that you found your passion and that you so freely share it with us and inspire us in such wonderful ways. Take careTracy

Oh Amanda, I am so sorry that you had to experience this but I am happy that you shared it. It helps to know that we are not alone. YOU are not alone! I have experienced IBD and anxiety as my children we leaving the nest and our extended family suffered a number of losses, all within a four year period. It hit hard and it IS real. We tend to suffer in silence for as long as possible but we don't need to. I, like you, found solace in my card making and it helped tremendously.Thanks so much for sharing your journey Amanda and KNOW, you are not alone! {{{HUGS}}}

Amanda, thanks for sharing your story. I was drawn to your youtube videos not only because of your lovely cards but also because of the name of your channel because I turned to card making as a stress relief/anxiety relief hobby from my job. It was either quit my job or find a way to cope with the trauma of seeing harm and hurt among our most vulnerable population every day. From that perspective your blog and channel title made so much sense to me! And it was and is so comforting to know I'm not the only one who turns to creativity and a way to reach out positively to the world around me as my little way to make my world a bit better place to live. Thanks as always for sharing!

Thank you for sharing your story. It made me cry - partly because I see so much of myself in your story and I know how healing crafts can be and partly because I know that mental health issues are often not taken seriously. You are so brave.

You are brave to share and never know who is reading and who this will help and inspire. I love making cards and it helped me through a rough period when I lost my husband. The response from card bloggers lifted me up and was such a comfort. It is a wonderful hobby and people enjoy receiving a handmade card to lift their spirits and know they are being thought of.

Thank you for sharing your story. I thought I’d share mine...I started card making again after a long gap, when my mother was ill with cancer. She encouraged me to make cards again and for a while, we enjoyed it together. When she passed away 2 years ago, it became my way of coping with the loss. A distraction from grieving and a way to focus. I’m so pleased she encouraged me to start this hobby again.

Hi Amanda..just found your blog through the blog hop (..I follow Laura)...So happy to hear this hobby helped you so much..to distract you from all the other things going around in circles in your mind...pain and being ill...I find too that this hobby we have card making keeps me on my feet..although there are days when I just don't have any energy or just have to much pain..just seeing all the great cards and inspiration from others makes me happy..and are so uplifting..sending much love your way from the Netherlands,Holly.ps I am following your blog now with email updates...

Sharing your story took courage, thank you for finding it in yourself to be vulnerable. I am so happy you have found your passion. Your creativity is amazing. I hope you can really embrace what a gift you share with others.

Thank you for telling your story. I use my card making and artsy projects as my own personal therapy. I suffer from several autoimmune disease, IBD and celiac disease which have a very strict diet, I have severe allergies to many medications and food, making cards takes me away from all of that. Each card I make is for a family member, friend or co-worker, each expresses my love and care for that person. i just keep on making cards--and good for you for having a blog hop!

I can so relate to your story. Not with myself but with my daughter, she is only 11 and deals with anxiety and IBS. Even though I'm a nurse, some days I feel helpless. Crafting helps me! Mental illness not only affects those suffering from it but those that love them. Hugs to you Amanda. Thank you for sharing your story!

Thank you Ilda, I can understand the pain of seeing your daughter going through such difficult times, I'm also a mom and my own mother would change places with me if she could. Wishing you and your daugher all the best.

I applaud you for your courage to share this difficult journey, Amanda! What you had been through were a ton to deal with for a 20-something. We are thrilled to have craft stars like you to inspire in card-making, but also, with your triumphant life story! The battle is real, but you are not alone.... Sending big hugs to you!

Hi, Amanda ~ Thank you so much for sharing your story with us! I am so impressed with how card making has helped you, and how you have reached out on your blog and YT channel to share your talents with us! Sending big hugs to you...Barb G. xo

What a beautiful post Amanda. Thank you for opening up and sharing your vulnerability. I think so many of us are guilty of only wanting to project the very best. Thank you again for your bravery and I'm so glad you found card making - both for yourself and for all of us who get to look at your pretty cards.

I am so glad you shared your story and that you were brave enough to start your channel and finally share this piece of you with everyone. I am always so inspired by your cards and your voice is so soothing; it helps me to watch your videos when my day is overwhelming. I also had extreme anxiety starting from the same age you did. I still can't function like I used to before, but I agree that finding a positive outlet and focus helps.

Thank you for sharing your personal story. I appreciate your courage to share and your faith that others will see it for what it is, a story of part of your life's journey and how it brought you to the blog and to others around the world. It is not seeking anything for you, but for you hoping that it will help at least one other person. I believe I speak for many others... it helps many, many others.

Dear Amanda. Thank you SO MUCH for sharing!!!! That is a really big thing. I'm proud to have been a part of your journey (without knowing it) I think you are very courages and strong to let people know about your struggle and journey. I look forward to Keep on following you. XOXO

I simply adore your videos. I’m so sorry for what you’ve had gone through and I know it’s not easy. But at least you have come so far in sharing your talents. I lost my husband over a year ago and I thank my friend for introducing me to cardmaking. It is so therapeutic and it makes me happy.

Amanda, thanks for your courage to tell your story. I've been following you on You Tube for a couple of years. You're very talented. I'm so happy that you found crafting. I'm bipolar and have used crafting as a therapy tool for 50+ years. People think I'm kidding when I tell them it's great therapy.

Thank you for sharing you story and being willing to be vulnerable and real with us all. I too suffer from many chronic illnesses and suffer with anxiety too. I know that crafting and Card Making have been a huge blessing to me. It is a wonderful hobby that allows me to place my focus somewhere else than on the pain, anxiety, etc.. and because I have lost so much to my illnesses, it has also given me a much needed purpose. I can make cards for card drives, I can send happy mail and try to cheer up another person who needs it, I can leave a positive comment on a post and brighten someone's day, etc... may God continue to bless you for sharing your story, I doubt you will ever know how many people you have touched and helped by sharing it. Thank you.

It had to be hard to come forth and share this part of yourself, and I am so impressed with the changes you were finally able to make when you found your passion as a crafter sharing your wonderful artistic gifts. Well done and thank you for sharing this intimate struggle.

Hello Amanda. How beautiful you are and so courageous. Thank you for sharing your story with us. After a very abusive relationship ended I became Anorexic. It totally consumed my life but I thought I looked wonderful and totally opposite of what the ex had drummed into me for years. I had a career, two wonderful sons, my own home and car and I'd put all of that in jeopardy. Mental health was very misunderstood then but with the help of my friends and family I started to turn my life around. I am no longer Anorexic but I still struggle sometimes. I found cardmaking, quite by mistake, when I stumbled across a video of yours showing how to make a card and I was hooked - just like that. So, thank you Amanda for showing me how to go off into another world and create. It truly is the best therapy.

Irene, thank you for sharing this with me. Mental illness and particularly eating disorders are often misunderstood and people tend to think is some sort of choice we make. I'm so happy you could get out of it, and don't worry, I also struggle many times, but we know what's on the other side, so let's stay strong and craft our struggles away :). Sending you a big hug!

You are an amazing woman. Thank you for sharing your story. I myself have struggled with similar issues in the past and I understand how card making can be therapeutic. I love your cards!! Keep posting 😘

Thank you for sharing your story and being brave to do so. I'm a brand new follower of your blog and YouTube channel as I found you through the Card Making Therapy blog hop. Thank you for your inspiration (creativity and courage).

I've subscribed to your channel for quite a while and now I understand why you named it as you did. Thank you, brave one, for sharing your story. I have no doubt that you have brought hope and encouragement to many you will never meet. I don't know what your faith life looks like, but in mine, God works good through the struggles we face; His "power is made perfect in weakness". Blessings to you, sweet Amanda....thank you for sharing, not only your inspiring story, but your talents. You have many fans and we so enjoy watching you create! Keep on keeping on........

Like so many others, I completely identify with your story. I have Crohn's, anxiety, depression, chronic pain, etc, etc. You know how it goes: one part of your body stops working, and the rest just kind of follows. My personal crafty medicine began with origami; I find it very meditative, but instead of "just" meditating, I have something pretty at the end. I only started making cards last year as a way to do something nice for some of the kids that I teach and then for my nieces when they had moved overseas. Now part of what I like about cardmaking in particular is how, while health issues can be so isolating, cards are a way of reaching out and connecting with people. I might not have the energy or money to visit people, but I still have a way to let them know that I think about them and love them.

So I guess the point of this is both a thank you for sharing your story and a way of saying you (we) aren't alone. It's something I often need to remember, especially when one reaches that point over and over again where it all comes down to oneself and the choices one has to make in order to live the healthiest life one can. It's a hard place to be, and art helps us through it. *hugs from afar*

Hi Amanda, I popped in today to read your story and I was stunned to learn how similar our stories are. Crafting is my medicine too. I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colotis when I was 28, about 17 years ago. As it does, the disease progressed, slowly burning through all parts of my life. 3 years ago, I was close to death and after taking every possible pill and injection with no relief had to start having surgeries. I have had multiple surgeries over these last 3 years, and while I sat healing at home or the hospital the disease continued to burn through my life. My friends disappeared, my job was a secondary thought, the fear and depression and pain ruled my world. My lowest point was when my Mother died but I was too sick to bury her. Last February, a woman I had worked with for years came over to my house as I could not leave bringing what I thought was a ton of cardmaking supplies. She showed me how to papercraft. And my life changed, just like that! I had something to focus on. I was always creative when I was younger, but I had let that part of me sleep as my disease took over every aspect of my life. I have been cardmaking for almost a year and am loving my first season of Christmas cards and tags! I don’t really tell many people about my UC, on Instagram I’m just a cardmaker and it’s nice to not focus on my health for a few hours a week! Thanks for sharing! Sincerely, Stef White (@laverygrey)

Hi Stefanie! Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I'm so happy crafting has changed your life, I can totally relate to everything you said. I have lost jobs, dreams...not friends though, but it's very difficult to make new ones when you have to sit at home. Sending you big big hugs!

Sharing your personal story is not only brave, but admired by so many of us who understand. So many of us have found a personal joy and healing through creating, a way to cope, meditate, while sharing the good in our hearts. Reading the comments after this post, you can repeatedly see there is so much love in this community of card making and crafting, while reading the stories of each of us to understand we are not alone with disappointments, illnesses, and setbacks. May we continue to lift each other up, help each other smile through the tough times, and share the comfort of our community and tomorrows. Much love Amanda!

Well done on sharing your story, it must have been a really hard post to write. I admire your courage and I'm really glad that card making has made such a difference to your life. I enjoy your videos immensely so keep up the good work x x

I'm so happy that you have found something that gives you peace. Thank you for sharing this story with all of us...I'm convinced that there are some things in life that are we are meant to share and it's because we can always touch another life with our story...it can make a huge difference and I'm sure your story will help and encourage many others. I have loved your videos for a long time...you are so talented and are such a great teacher...such a calming voice! Sending you love and hugs!!!

How brave of you to share your story - and I'm glad to see that you are feeling much better as well. We never know what path distress and anxiety will take and it's wonderful that you got help from the medical profession as well as through crafting. Your cards are all beautiful and you have a marvelous talent that you are sharing with all of us. All the very best to you and thank you for sharing your story. XOXO

I was referred to your blog by Laura Bassen, who I have followed for years. I admire your courage and determination that is illustrated in your personal journey. Thanks for sharing your story. I know it will help others who have their own struggles with daily living. Keep taking that crafty little pill, daily and sharing your cards with us!

Hi Amanda, Thank you for sharing this part of your life. It might sound bad but it is good to see other people with the same struggles we have. It makes us feel less lonely. I have suffered from depression since I can remember. I have tried different things but never put a total effort in any of them. I was simply too weak to try things for long time. So I failed again and again. Here I am, still in the cloudy world that is living with depression. I know I have to start somewhere and to keep trying until I get better. It is just way to hard to do it, specially when you feel and see yourself as a failure. Why keep trying, right? I have been watching your videos for a long time and even though I am not currently doing any crafting, your story is giving that thought that says, "Maybe, I can do it too. Maybe I can help myself getting out of this. Maybe there is something out there for me as well." I hope your voice and your craft continue inspiring people all over the world. Thanks again! I pray for many blessings to come to your life. Hugs.!

So glad you shared your story of overcoming. We all have something to overcome and its wonderful you came out of it and found a way to inspire and others. I love your beautiful cards and you seems like a beautiful, sweet and caring person!

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Hi! I’m Amanda. I discovered the health benefits of card making right when I needed it the most, and I haven’t stopped creating since. I hope you will find inspiration here and a place to share your creativity.