We’re Paying Attention To The NFL Preseason So You Don’t Have To: Takeaways From Week One

Preseason football came back in all its unspectacular glory this weekend.

These games are a chore to follow, so here’s a rundown of what we learned while you weren’t watching.

The new kickoff rule is going to make football less fun: The NFL moved kickoffs up five yards to the 35-yard line this year. The result: 33% of kickoffs have been touchbacks so far this preseason, compared to 16% during the 2010 regular season. So expect a lot of anticlimactic kneeling this year.

Tom Brady was “shocked”: The Golden Boy didn’t play in New England’s mauling of Jacksonville. Afterward, Brady expressed his surprise: “We were ready to play. [Bill Belichick] told us the night before the game we weren't playing, which I think shocked probably all of us, but it's not like we can go put ourselves in the game.”

Oh by the way, the Pats are looking to sign more old men: They’re working out veteran receiver T.J. Houshmandzadeh, and veteran safety Darren Sharper today.

Cam Newton is a star: Call it premature, call it unjustified hype, but there was a definite buzz in the crowd when Cam Newton took the field for the Panthers on Friday night. He responded well, zipping a 30-yard pass up the seam to Greg Olsen en route to a 8-19, 134-yard performance.

Matt Stafford added fuel the Lions hype machine: The oft-injured QB was 6-7 for 71 yards and 2 TDs. It was against the Bengals, who are basically a glorified college team at this point. But still, this could be his breakout year.

San Francisco still doesn’t have a quarterback: The un-dynamic duo of Alex Smith and Colin Kaepernickwas sacked six times in the first half against New Orleans.

Ivy Leaguers are absolutely running rampant: Well, at least one is. Cornell alum Bryan Walters provided the best highlight of the preseason so far with this kickoff return TD for San Diego against Seattle.

Here's the video:

The Jets and the Texans finish off Week 1 of the preseason tonight at 8 p.m. on ESPN.