June 10th – One of those days that if I complained about it&comma; I'd be the world's biggest asshole&period; Had sort of a half day of press&period; It started with going on Windy City Live&comma; which is Chicago's local version of "The View&period;" I have a personal love of live television and live local television in particular&period; However&comma; my segment was taped for the next day&comma; since they were already booked up with enough guests for today's show&period; And just who was a guest on today's show&quest; None other than famous author Judy Blume&excl; Yes&comma; of "Are You There&comma; God&quest; It's Me&comma; Margaret" fame&period; I walked into the green room and there she was&comma; getting her ear talked off by some local author&period; I'd been seeing her in a lot of publications lately because she's out promoting a movie version of one of her books&period; So&comma; it was a pretty cool encounter&period; I said hi to her and talked a bit and she was lovely&period; Yes&comma; that's right&comma; I said "lovely&period;" Very nice and even took a picture with me&period;

I have to admit that I have a lot of angst about asking famous people to take a picture with me&period; It's both a fear of them saying&comma; "Get the fuck away from me" or of them being nice but secretly hating me for being so uncool&period; I must admit that I've not taken pictures with tons of famous people I admire because I want to come off much cooler and composed than I actually ever am&period; But without actual pictures&comma; it'll be pretty hard to share those undocumented famous encounter memories with the nursing home staff when I'm old&period; I feel like a photo album would get me much better treatment when everyone thinks I'm just some delusional old man saying things like&comma; "I met George Clooney at the SAG Awards once&excl;"

After taping my non-live segment in front of a very live and nice audience&comma; I got to go to another place of personal hero worship&comma; The Onion&period; I have been an Onion reader for about fourteen years and have always admired their consistent comedic domination&period; I feel like pretty much everything they've ever written is hilarious&period; I can literally be reduced to tears whenever I read one of their books of collected headlines and articles&period; I love parody and satire&comma; even though I'm not good at doing it myself&comma; and so truly admire people who can hit a home run with it&period; One of the greatest moments of my life was when I was included in an Onion headline&period; It read&comma; "Pope Benedict Leaves Church In Helicopter With LeBron James&comma; Paul Feig For Some Reason&period;"

I taped a very weird and &lpar;hopefully&rpar; funny video piece they wrote for me that involved me analyzing one of the scenes from "The Heat" as if I was obsessed with ghosts&period; It seemed to go well but who knows until you see the final product&quest; But it was just an honor to be there and do something funny for them&period; &lpar;I know&comma; I know&comma; today's journal entry is annoyingly sincere and fawny but I was genuinely enamored by everything I got to do today and everyone I met&period; Can't let comedy and snarkiness get in the way of a genuine experience&period;&rpar;

After that&comma; I did a radio interview over the phone with the Detroit public radio station WDET&comma; which again was very cool&period; And then I was free to spend the rest of the day hanging with my wife&period; I dragged her back to The Purple Pig&comma; even though she doesn't eat pork&period; The Purple Pig is literally built out of pork&period; I had the enormous turkey leg confit and she got the Wagyu beef and everything was fantastic for the second day in a row&period;

It was a nice day outside and so we sat in their outdoor area&comma; which is a stone's throw from the river even though some buildings block an actual river view&period; But I know from growing up in Michigan that anytime you can sit outside and it's not raining or snowing&comma; you feel like you're on vacation in the Bahamas&period;

Later that night&comma; we met my sister-in-law and her husband and my niece and nephew for dinner at one of my favorite restaurants in the U&period;S&period;&comma; R&period;L&period; It's Ralph Lauren's restaurant and he only has one here in Chicago and one in Paris&period; If you ever want to know what my dream house would be decorated like&comma; go to R&period;L&period; and all will be revealed&period; It's a total classy men's club feel&comma; as if it was plucked out of the English countryside and dropped next to the Water Tower&period; Old paintings and photos are chock-a-block on the walls and dark wood abounds&period; The service is great and there's something in the air that demands you order a glass of single malt scotch before you even consider looking at the menu&period; It's the kind of place where the walls almost beg you to light up a cigar and start annoying your fellow diners&period; The meal was great and a good time was had by all &lpar;if I may make such a mundane and non-creative statement&rpar;&period; Then my wife and my assistant Josh and I ended the evening on the new outdoor deck of the Ritz&comma; which is loomed over by the Hancock Building next door&period; For me&comma; the final glasses I tipped were two Lagavulin scotches while in the midst of some last-minute phone calls to deal with a few aggravations in L&period;A&period; It's amazing how much more pleasant annoying phone calls are when you've got a nice single malt in the hand that's not holding the phone&period; &lpar;I know&period; I'm starting to hate me&comma; too&comma; at this point&period;&rpar;

Tomorrow is a fuller press day that culminates in a screening of "The Heat" for the Chicago Just for Laughs Festival&period; As always&comma; I get in bed with an expanded stomach and one too many drinks running through my veins&period; I always want to feel guilty about it but the fact that I enjoyed myself as much as I did rains on my self-flagellation parade&period; I may be gaining weight as I sleep&comma; and laying the groundwork for stretching the seams in my bespoke suits to the breaking point&comma; but tonight I just try to enjoy it and dream about not feeling guilty about being such a hedonist on this press tour&period; They're shallow dreams&comma; to be sure&comma; but they're still better than nightmares&period; —Paul Feig