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K

Grandma going overboard...?!

Klaufenberg7661 wrote:

So my stepmom is WAY excited for baby to come. This is their second grandchild and first grandson. My daughter is very attached to Papa so Grammy is excited for a shot of bonding with baby. I am so grateful she is so excited and wants to be there for us!!

However, I kinda feel she's going a little overboard. She bought a ton of baby clothes and said "Look what I got for baby, but it's staying at our house" then she said she was going to get a couple packs of bottles for their house. Today she texted me saying she bought baby food for their house bc it's on sale!!! I just feel like she's buying all this stuff for their house when he's rarely gonna be there! We take my daughter there every other Saturday to hangout then we leave her there for a sleepover and they said they'd do the same when we are comfortable leaving baby. I'm thinking after a few months we will. But I can buy my own stuff and send a diaper bag. I don't get the whole buying stuff "for our house only" stuff that she's doing?? Maybe I'm just not used to it so I'm taking it the wrong way???

A few months after my DS, my first, was born, my mom started buying her own stuff for at her house because it was easier that way. She has her own playpen, bouncy chair, bottles, clothes, blankets, diapers, everything.. My oldest two children are 8 and 6 but she's kept all her baby stuff "just in case" lol. Plus all her stuff is safari themed to match her house and it's gender neutral. With my second baby, dd, I even bought her cute giraffe outfits for my dd to keep at her house! And I have bought more outfits for this dd for her to have at her house.

Be thankful that stepmom wants to keep baby so much, it just means he's gonna be super loved and cared for when he is there, even if it isn't that much.

My mom also has her own play clothes and night clothes at her house for my older kids. It's just how we do things and it keeps me from worrying about if I packed the right type of clothes for whatever activity they will be doing over there.

Okay so obviously it's normal then! Lol! It is definitely nice to know she wants to be so supportive.. I didn't want to sound like a b* by any means.

I suppose I will appreciate not having to send a diaper bag when the time comes!

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hmoffett9418

When my son was born, his paternal grandmother did the same thing. Seeings how his dad never even saw him, I assure you, everything nana bought was wasted. I lived with my parents for a few years after I had my son so when we moved out, my mom started buying things for just her house and he would bring a change of clothes if he stayed overnight and she would immediately throw it in the wash so it would never come home. Weird stuff like that. I think it's gotta be a weird control thing. Like, now they aren't the moms, they are the grandmas and it's hard to transition for them. To lose that control. Just make sure you set up boundaries now. There's nothing worse than a grandparent that thinks she's the parent.

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Wearedone45

I defiantly know what you mean but think it's totally normal. Both sets of grandparents do this for our son and I'm sure it will only get worse once baby girl comes heh. They are just excited and want to help out and feel involved :) and if she buys diapers, food etc that's a little less money coming out of your pocket!

I'm a FTM, but I totally get feeling like grandma is overstepping at times. I definitely get those "mother bear" feelings like this is my baby! But!- I remind myself I would rather have an over involved grandparent than one who could care less...

Seeing from my sister's experience who was a 17 month old and a 5 month old- it's such a relief to basically have a stash of everything needed at my parents house. I know when our girl is there- she will have everything she needs! I'm hoping my in-laws will do the same!

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jenson90

@Wearedone45 I think you're a little nuts....in a nice way lol. My mom buys all kinds of things for my dd to keep at her house and it sooo nice knowing she has food, diapers, etc already there for her! She even buys toys that stay there... My dd loves it because its like all new toys when she goes there. Even though she only goes once a week it makes everyone happy :) and like pp said, less you have to buy! Just watch with food early on.. Make sure she doesn't give things to your LO you haven't... Just to watch out for allergies and stuff. My mom was always super about that though :)

It is mostly normal. My mother in law has stuff for her house too. But watch the baby food. Stores usually put it on sale because it is close to an expiration date. If that's the case, no way will it be good by the time your LO is ready for it.

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SaraL0324

My mom has everything at her house for my DD and has already stocked up for baby #2. We are there very often. And it's nice to just load up the kids and go, not even a diaper bag - because I know everything we need is already there. Let grandmas spoil their grandchildren!!! You'll appreciate it!

And, my DD had her own shelf in moms pantry, and a drawer in the fridge - so I don't think it's abnormal for them to want to buy food for their grandkids. But my mom always asks before giving my DD something new, and doesn't get her feelings hurt if I say no.

My MIL did this for our first. At the start I was offended but realized she just wanted to be helpful. In the long run it was nice to have some extra stuff there and not worry about always having a full packed diaper bag.

Oh girl that's nothing! Lol my MIL made an entire nursery at her house when my son was born! Now that he is two she is making a room for him with dinosaurs! She's crazy! I'm a SAHM by the way so it's not like she watches him all the time where there would be a need for this! But it makes her happy so I don't really mind! If it makes her happy and it's not hurting anybody then I say let her go for it!

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allachka511

My mil did same for dd. bought diapers and pack and play for her house and referred to her as her baby. Well fast forward 5 years and my kids barely ever go over there or use anything. This will baby baby 3 and I'm not counting on anything from them. They get excited but when it comes to putting in the work and making sacrifices they are not interested!

I give all these women a TON of props! When my daughter was born, her dad's mother went so overboard with everything. She had her own stockpile of clothes and diapers and just went totally overboard with stuff. I was young ( 18 ) which may have had an impact on my feelings, but I felt like she was taking away from my time

To be a mom. My daughter never stayed there and I always packed plenty of things whenever we would visit. 6 years later and that woman still thinks she's mom #2, it drives me crazy.

I guess my advice would be, I totally feel where you are coming from..but if you learn to brush it off now it will make your life sooooo much easier..I wish I did!

I'm a FTM but my mom kept talking about how she was going to buy this and that for her house and blah blah blah. And I'm talking the big things like a car seat, bassinet, bouncer etc. but I shut that whole shabang down pretty quickly. My child will not be in my mothers car when she's driving and I seriously doubt he'll ever spend the night at her house(not while he's tiny and needs a bassinet still anyways). I can see why it would be normal for some people but not for everyone. In your case it's one night twice a month she probably doesn't need all these things. If she were babysitting him regularly or something I could see that but not in this case.

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jenniferls13

I completely understand this. This is my mom's first grandchild. She has gone crazy. Has all baby furniture at her house as we have at ours. She even went to Bloomingdales and bought tons of baby clothes. Not to mention she had 20 plus headbands made for our DD due next week. My mom is obsessed lol.

I agree with this! I know my grandmother did things like this, especially with me because I was the first grandchild but even now this is going to be her great grandchild and she's still the same way, probably because my mom never nipped it in the butt. My mom was acting this way in the beginning and I definitely put a end to that but saying something to my grandmother is going to be difficult because she's been stuck in her ways for so long now.

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Klaufenberg7661

Glad I'm not alone haha!

So far I have let her do her thing and have been quietly annoyed with some of it but I appreciate her enthusiasm. I guess I get defensive bc I'm like Hello this is my baby I can provide for him myself! Lol.... Plus, I could totally see her giving him baby foods that u haven't introduced yet just bc that's how she is and obviously I would want to be the one to make those decisions down the road!!

I'm just nervous that this is the start of her being overbearing.... Hubby's mom asks what we need but she doesn't buy stuff for her house. But Then again it'll be MIL's 7th grandchild and this is only my dad and stepmom's 2nd lol.

Lmao girl life is short let her be excited an compulsive as she likes don't take offense at the end of day it's your baby she's just excited lol...she could b detached an very disconnected with her grand kids then you would really feel bad :-( it's sorta funny if you look on bright side! I'm a army wife as much as my mom wants to b around for her spoiled grand kids we have to live 26hrs away

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