Friday, September 29, 2006

The Hubby and I were talking last night about our brushes with fame and once we started listing them I was pretty impressed. Here's our list.

Former President Bill Clinton. The Hubby shook hands and chatted briefly with him outside of Bill's fave restaurant in Little Rock. Yes, we made jokes about the fact that he shook a hand that probably copped a feel of Monica.

The other guy in that picture, Gen. John Shalikashvili, is a former chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. He presented me my diploma when I graduated from high school (before his big DC job).

I have talked with (though not in person) Carly Simon, Vern Yip, some of the Queer Eye Guys (can't remember which) and a guy who was the winner of the Ernest Hemingway look-a-like contest held in the Florida Keys.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

It was on this day in 1066 that William the Conqueror of Normandy arrived on British soil. He defeated the British in the Battle of Hastings, and on Christmas Day, he was crowned King of England in Westminster Abbey.

One of the most important consequences of the Norman conquest of England was its effect on the English language. At the time, the British were speaking a combination of Saxon and Old Norse. The Normans spoke French. Over time, the languages blended, and the result was that English became a language incredibly rich in synonyms. Because the French speakers were aristocrats, the French words often became the fancy words for things. The Saxons had "house"; the Normans gave us "mansion." The Saxons had "cow"; the Normans gave us "beef." The Normans gave us "excrement," for which the Saxons had lots of four letter words.

The English language has gone on accepting additions to its vocabulary ever since the Norman invasion, and it now contains more than a million words, making it one of the most diverse languages on Earth.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. (I've always wondered how to grow smokeable plants.)

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. (Why? What about the sofa or chaise?)

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. (Yeah because that's what the mini fridge in the garage is for. Of course it's probably 6 months old, but who's counting.)

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. (I don't get up that early unless there's a fire. Plus we stay up until after midnight most nights, probably the reason why I don't do mornings well.)

5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator. (This makes me sad. Worse is when you hear a remake of your favorite song by some teenie bopper.)

6. You watch the Weather Channel. (Nah, but I know people who do.)

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up." (I still have single friends; and I bet there are married people who hook up and break up too.)

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14. (Yeah, this does suck. I think everyone should have the summer off.)

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up." (True.)

10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo. (No, but I do get pissed when they're parked getting gas and have the radio blasting. C'mon, that's just retarded.)

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. (Hell, where do you think I get most of the things I forward you guys?)

12. You don't know what time McDonalds closes anymore. (True. Of course when I was making late night fast food runs it was to Taco Bell.)

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. (Nope, napping on the couch is a guilty pleasure.)

16. You take naps. (See above. Naps rule. Of course you have less time for them as an adult. I think we should have naps during the work day.)

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.(Um, not necessarily. I'm old not dead.)

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach. (Um, we've been known to bake cookies at 1 a.m.)

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests. (Well, there are the flavored condoms ya know.)

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good shit." (I don't know wine but I certainly no longer drink Mad Dog 20/20.)

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time. (Again, no. I don't normally eat breakfast but we do have breakfast food for dinner sometimes.)

22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again." (I'm not a good drinker. My window between a nice buzz and being shitfaced has gotten much smaller as I've gotten older.)

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. (I'd say maybe 80% of the time.)

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar. (Now we drink at home because we don't want to drive or get a babysitter. House parties rule.)

25. When you find out your friends are pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking, "Oh no, what the hell happened?" (For the most part true, though if my sister gets pregnant again I'll be asking what the hell happened!)

After reading the list I don't really feel that old. Besides, in my head I'll always be about 26.

Monday, September 25, 2006

A few weeks ago I bought a short black skirt, $6 at Tarjay thank you very much. I do not normally wear skirts shorter than, oh, my ankles. I don't know why but every skirt/dress I have is long. I wore the short skirt for the first time during my trip. I wore it to work for the first time today. I thought people would say, damn, short enough : ) he he, because I feel half nekkid in it, but they haven't. It's a weird feeling.

Have you seen the car commercial (not sure what brand) where the 'happy' family of four is on vacation having fun. Then it cuts to the mom and kids dropping the dad off at his apartment; he hugs the kids and looks at the wife and says, 'Thanks for inviting me.' Obviously the couple is divorced and they went on a vacation together for the kids. This commercial bothers me for some reason. Not that I care if people are divorced, but it's just an odd commercial.

I caught most of Jim Carrey's, Liar Liar on TV last night. The Hubby and I got to talking about how impossible it would be to actually go to work and NOT tell a lie. We'd have to call in sick for each other or lose our jobs I'm sure. There is a certain amount of lying you do every single day, the little white lies. Hi, how are you? You typically say, fine (but are you REALLY), how are you? (Most of the time you couldn't give a rat's ass.) Sitting in meetings would be torture: What do you think of this idea? Uh, it's retarded and we'll never do it so I don't know why we're even wasting our time having this boring meeting. You get the gist.

Rod's on the radio--who doesn't get excited when they here the opening bars to Young Turks? Doesn't it just make you want to get up and dance!

Young hearts beat free tonight. Time is on your side. Don't let 'em put you down; don't let them push you around. Don't let 'em every change your point of view.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Admittedly I'm not a music guru and don't really have a firm handle on which guys were in which boy band.

Back in the day the 'boy bands' I listened to (the day being high school/college) were Duran Duran, Men at Work and U2. They didn't call them boy bands though. I guess New Kids on the Block were around too but I never really got into them.

Last night (the Hubby's first night out of town) I had trouble falling asleep so I was channel surfing. I stopped on Jay Leno. I don't really like Jay, never have, prefer Dave Letterman, and in fact one of my sisters-in-law could totally be his twin, I'm not kidding, she has his chin and everything. Anyway, Justin Timberlake was on Jay. A few nights ago I caught him on another late night show, possibly Dave, singing this sexy, funky song with someone named Timberland. The beat caught me. So I suffered through his interview to hear him sing that song again. I don't know the name and didn't catch every word, but the song is HOT.

I don't know much about Justin but from the interview I found out he was in a boy band and has done a few movies. Really? Hmmm. I've only heard about him as someone's boyfriend. Now he's dating Cameron Diaz, and though I'm not a big Cameron fan I have enjoyed some of her movies. But damn, isn't she like 20 years older than him? The boy looks to be about 20. But DAMN, he can totally shake his grove thang when he's singing. I might have to buy that CD just for that one song!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Studio 60 premiered last night. I of course was waiting patiently for this show because the creators of West Wing were involved and so was Josh Lyman, I mean Bradley Whitford : ) If you didn't catch it you should. The show is the behind the scenes world of a sketch comedy show (coincidence that it's like SNL? I think not) that's been on air forever and has basically lost its mojo so they call in Bradley Whitford and Matthew Perry. (Ok, I had to follow that episode with a West Wing episode, I think I have a problem.)

Yesterday I read that U.S. spinach is contaminated with E.coli and they're taking it off the shelves. I told the Hubby this last night. His first response was, 'See, I told you spinach was bad for you.'

Then he freaked me out.

Him: You know, this could be a terrorist plot.Me: LOL, yeah ok honey.Him: Seriously, ALL of the U.S. spinach could be contaminated? What are the odds?Me: Well, I'm sure the distributors all buy from the same farms.Him: Ok, what there's only one huge spinach farm in the U.S. and all the companies buy from it? No, I don't think so. I think terrorists spread the E.coli on the spinach crops.Me: Hmm, well, ok it's plausible but (and not to lessen the issue) only about 100 + people have gotten sick and one died. If you were a terrorist wouldn't you target something more wide spread, like say beef?Him: Who's to say they haven't?

And with that he went out of town today. Yep, thanks a freakin' lot. I'll be paranoid about the food and watching the news for further E. coli outbreaks.

ARG!

Oh oh--I have to tell this joke in celebration of today.Why couldn't the pirate get into the movie?Because it was rated....wait for it....ARG!

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Thankfully I just returned from my last out of town trip for the year. I got home around 10:45 last night and was up bright and early so I am completely useless at work and quite sleepy. I do, however, have some things to share and since my brain won't even begin to focus on work I thought I'd entertain my few readers. : )

I went to Las Vegas for the third time since January. I am over Las Vegas. For the most part the only redeeming thing about the city, for me, remains the fountain and gardens at the Bellagio. Frankly I could stand out there and watch the thing for hours.

Here's my list:

1. I discovered a German restaurant on this trip. Sadly my first time there was after a long day of travel, a meeting, another meeting and starvation because I hadn't eaten anything but a half a bag of chips all day. Under different circumstances I would love it, as would the Hubby. It was divided into two dining rooms, one for those who wanted a more quiet, traditional dinner and one for those who really wanted to experience the flavor of an authentic Oktoberfest. The tables were long tables with benches and the entertainment was a group that played Oktoberfest music, much of which encourages drinking. It had a full bar but the preference of course was beer served in huge litre steins. I was transported back about 20 years to when we lived in Germany. The food was pretty good too and by that I mean fairly authentic. It was very, very loud and raucous.

2. We somehow ended up at the same restaurant the next night and it was completely different, not as crowded, a little more quiet. What marked this trip was that one of our party, a new person with the company, literally disappeared after excusing himself to the bathroom the minute we walked in the door. We spent the rest of the evening conjuring up what happened to him and trying to figure out how the Mafia could possibly have kidnapped him from the bathroom; there was no blood; no sign of struggle. He showed up late the next day with some excuse of not feeling well, but hello, when you're with a group of people you work with and you're out of town and out on the town, you tell someone you're leaving.

3. I feel I have broken into the "inner circle" of this new industry I'm in. Surprisingly it is very, very clique-like (and reminds me of high school) and while some embraced me early on it has taken others longer to accept me. I was embraced, literally, but the old guard and even given a cigar as a token of acceptance.

4. I played the slots again, the only thing I will attempt in Vegas. I lost $5 but that was over the course of the 4-day trip, so I think I did pretty well. I'm still sad they just give you slips of paper now and you don't hear the magical sounds of quarters dropping into the tray.

5. I tasted pot stickers for the first time, something I've been wanting to try since my friend Keri raved about them and seemingly lives on them. They are quite tasty. At the same restaurant I was a little amazed that shark fin soup cost $55. Really? Half a hundred dollars for a bowl of soup? WTF?

6. I've discovered I might have a few flaws. Yeah, I know, it's hard to imagine, but it's true. I tend to call people I know 'honey' and 'sweetie.' I don't do this to everyone I know but usually when I'm in 'mother-mode' I do it. Like, 'Honey, don't worry about that,' or 'Sweetie be careful.' This might annoy people. I also find that as much as I say I don't want to be a prima dona, I think I might act like one from time to time. When I go to a trade show and am visiting a vendor's booth I sort of expect to be acknowledged. I am mindful of when they are dealing with customers and I do not expect them to break away from that and talk to me. However, when I go back repeatedly and am told the person is 'busy' I start getting my panties in a wad. Not because I am so eager to speak with that person but because that same person will be the one calling me in a few months fussing because we didn't write anything about them.

7. The Boy lost his second tooth while I was out of town. He lost the first one when I was out of town in May. I realize in the big picture of life this may not be earth-shattering, but it made me sad just the same.

8. As always the Hubby did a great job of holding the fort down while I was gone, which is always a little more difficult when school's in session and you have to get the kids to school on time, get homework and baths and dinner AND now scouts for both; though the Girl did opt out of this week's meeting because I wasn't there.

9. I had given the girl instructions before I left to make sure the Hubby took his medicine (because she likes feeling important) and to nurse his skin cancer wound (she overheard the Hubby talking about it so of course had a million questions). The first night I was gone I was talking to her on the phone and she asked me who she should call first if Daddy passed out. Ok, this freaked me out that she would be worried about such a thing, and I'm still not sure why she thinks he would pass out, but I guess it's better to be prepared.

10. I witnessed a lot of disgusting behavior during the week. At the airport a grown man was sitting there reading his book and picking his nose. Granted, it's not uncommon to see men (and women) do this driving down the road, why they think they're invisible at that time is beyond me, and the actual picking wasn't even the worst part. Yes, you guessed it, if you're squeamish don't read any further. He was ingesting the items he extracted from his proboscis. Not once, not twice, but for like 30 damn minutes. I guess he didn't have enough money to buy the snack on the plane.

11. One of my brothers-in-law and his wife were in Vegas the same time I was. I know this because the same brother-in-law had been calling our house for weeks under the guise of asking about the Hubby's health and then seguing into a sales pitch for pre-pair legal marketing schemes. The Hubby never wanted to talk to him so after I'd say, no, he's not home or sorry, he's mowing the grass, I had to make polite chit chat. So he found out we'd be in Vegas the same time and wanted to get together for dinner. I told him I was working and most often that also included dinners/meetings etc. in the evening. Plus it's not like I really wanted to visit with him, I mean it wasn't like it was one of you who'd I'd totally have made time to hang out with. Anyway, I avoided seeing him at all; I'm sure I'll be talked about in the family circle.

12. While I was gone the Hubby had a an event with my family. Well, actually the Girl had an event with my sister. My Mom always thinks she's doing my Hubby a favor and helping him out tremendously by having him and the kids over for dinner once while I'm gone. This is usually something the kids don't like (because she doesn't pay attention to what they do like) and it's usually just a pain in the ass. But he went. The conversation came around to what the Girl's been watching on TV and my sister, yes, the very one who doesn't have the best track record as a parent, said something like I can't believe you let her watch that! The Hubby of course said, I can't believe YOU would even questions my parenting skills. Then it went back and forth disguised as light banter until the Girl looks my sister dead in the eye and says, you're just mad because you know I don't really like you. OK, I'm not really pleased that she'd say something like that because technically my sister is an adult and it wasn't very nice, but I still have to secretly give the Girl kudos.

13. The Hubby will be going out of town next week again, this time for 3-4 days. I am curious to see what it's like with the shoe on the other foot. I will file a report on that later.

Tuesday, September 5, 2006

1. In reference to TL's comment that I might become a Bridezilla for the 20th anniversary party I can safely assure you all that will not happen. Though some would disagree (namely the Hubby) I'm pretty low maintenance. In six years I'll probably decide to forgo spending the money on the event and just have a blow out party.

2. We have not capitulated (that's a cool word) on the TVs in the room. I did however cave into the Hubby's desire to upgrade from the $7.95 cable we've had for more than a year to satellite TV. Personally I don't need all those channels but I have discovered that DVRs are quite handy and very very cool. The new setup hasn't really changed the Boy's viewing habits, but the Girl is in hog heaven watching Discovery Health and Animal Planet. I am getting a bit concerned though because she's REALLY into all the surgeries, operations, etc. and this weekend watched a documentary on The Black Plague. Is that weird?

3. A few weeks ago I noticed a suspicious mole on the Hubby's back so I sent him to the dermatologist. The dr. immediately said it was skin cancer and removed it. I was a bit surprised because I really just sent him to the doctor as a precaution, but I think it sort of freaked us both out that he had cancer, albeit skin cancer.

4. Remember at the beginning of this year I said it was going to be our year? Well, I think all in all it really has been. The Hubby and I were talking this weekend and he said he thought it came down to our attitude about everything. Basically we thought positively and it's been positive. That's not to say bad things haven't happened, but overall lots of good things have too. Last week we found out the Hubby's job is secure, which was a relief. Since May it's been in question and not knowing was a pain in the ass and stressful. He will remain with the company but in a different position with a bit more money. Tonight he has his first out of town trip, and while they won't be anything like mine, the shoe is on the other foot for a change.

5. I got a video camera for my bday (and no, I will not be posting home-made porn here! LOL) and have started taping the kids again. Sadly the last thing I had of them on tape was about 3-4 years ago when we moved into the house.

6. In a previous post I mentioned the Hubby has a few Anne Coulter books. I do have to say in his defense I think he's swinging to the other side. In a recent discussion (brought about by West Wing) it has come out that the Hubby is not nearly so enamored with Mr. Bush as he might once have been. I would not go so far as to say he's abandoned his republican views, but he's certainly moved to a more center-of-the-road veering toward the left lane thought process.

7. The 7th and last season of West Wing will not be available on DVD until November so we've started watching the whole series again. We're back to season one. Some have remarked that we're a tad bit obsessive with this, but mark my words, I think there might be a novel that emerges from this in years to come. You'd be amazed at the ideas that spring forth from our discussions.

8. Today is the kids' first day at a new after school program. I hope this new environment will curb the Boy from coming home talking about pimps and saying What up dawg.

9. Are plastic or paper bags really that expensive? I ask this because I like shopping at Costco but I don't like not having my groceries put in a bag.

10. The Crocodile Hunter is dead. It is sad because he was so young (44) and he had a wife and at least one kid that I know of, but honestly, is anyone surprised? I'm frankly surprised that he hadn't been maimed, mauled, poisoned, eaten before now.