Well, I hear something else. It's the Hug Plane, and it's coming in for a landing.

Friday, July 22

Actually, can I make that a hell no?

My favorite NFL team, as most of the world knows -- my boys, my dawgs, my gridiron heroes since the tender age of three -- is the Washington Redskins, but as an ex-Georgian, my runner-up, should the 'Skins not be able to fulfill their duties, is the Atlanta Falcons. All the more so now that under the ownership of Arthur Blank, the team's management finally appears consistently capable of finding their asses with both hands.

But if the Falcs get taken in by this crap, there's gonna be some 'splainin' to do:

PHILADELPHIA ? Terrell Owens made some of his strongest statements to date about his contract situation with the Eagles, saying "it's not going to be a good situation" if he has to go to training camp under the conditions of his current contract.

"I want something to be rectified and we can just move on," Owens said on a Comcast sports network in his hometown of Atlanta.

. . .

The Atlanta-based questioners asked Owens whether he'd like to play for the Falcons, and he warmed to the idea.

"If Joe Banner can give Drew Rosenhaus permission to seek a trade, then ? who knows? ? Atlanta might be on the list of people I can play for."

Oh, howsabout I slam the brakes on this little fantasy right here with a question: Has Terrell Owens ever been happy, for more than one season, in any of the places he's played? He didn't like it in San Francisco because he didn't get along with his head coach, whom he dissed publicly (along with his own quarterback) even before he'd left town. SF tried to trade him to Baltimore, but he said he didn't want to go to Baltimore. He said he wanted to go to Philly, and acted for a while like he was thrilled to be there -- but all of a sudden now he's not satisfied with his Eagles contract after all. Well, though [feces], T.O. You signed it, it's yours. What the hell's your problem?

At any rate, the Falcons don't need him badly enough to deal with the turmoil and whining he would inevitably bring. They've already won an NFC South title without T.O., and their current receiving corps includes Alge Crumpler, maybe the most exciting tight end in the league; Peerless Price, who may have been woefully underutilized so far in Atlanta but still has proven talent; and the very sure hands of Dez White, who's talented enough that I can even praise him despite the fact that he's a Tech grad. (Don't think it's ever going to happen again.) Oh, yeah, and the Falcons also have Roddy freaking White, who led Division I-A last year in receiving yards as a wideout for UAB and is already poised to become one of the most thrilling receivers in the history of the league, not that I'm biased or anything.

If T.O. wants a change of scenery so bad, the Dolphins need a receiver -- let him go down to Miami and torture Nick Saban for a while. Plus, they've had an opening at the Team Cancer position ever since Ricky Williams left.

T.O.'s a great receiver but he's not a deep-threat type like Moss - he's more of a possession-cum-grind-it-out pass catcher. What the Falcons need is a deep pattern guy - maybe Jenkins or White can fill that need.

I haven't referred to football that much in months - Doug, get the league set up, man! I'm ready to start my two-peat.

"[Your raw sexual magnetism is so overpowering that I don't know what I might do around you, so for my own safety it's probably best if you s]tay at least 200 feet away from me at all times."
— Erin Andrews, ESPN