Dean Culliton Admits He Knows 4/20 Is a Thing

This afternoon, students received an email from Dean of Students Rick Culliton, with the mysterious, somewhat ominous subject line “Weekend events.”

Authority figures seem to have a block on admitting they know the kids they’re in charge of take drugs for fun. Maybe they think it’s their fault or something. Dean Culliton decides to characterize the annual smokestorm on Foss as a protest, which I guess is sort of flattering, but decides he can’t bring himself to mention the name of Zonker Harris without protective quotation marks.

He then reminds us that drugs are still against the rules, and we’ll be in big trouble if we take them, so maybe we should think about that. He refrains from reminding us to eat fruits and vegetables and make sure we get enough sleep, but my mom already called me today and she has that part covered:

As we come to the end of an especially busy week on campus, I want to thank everyone for their help in hosting prospective students and welcoming so many visitors to campus over the past few days. There are a number of large social events planned for this weekend, and I expect that some students may choose to protest existing marijuana laws on April 20th. WestCo will also host their annual “Zonker Harris” music festival on Saturday.

I want to remind you that the Code of Non-Academic Conduct is in effect at all times. Public Safety will be addressing students who violate the University’s drug policy on April 20th and will request assistance from Middletown Police if such support becomes necessary. Referrals to the Student Judicial Board will be made as appropriate. My intent in this note is to make sure you are aware of potential consequences as you make decisions about how you will spend the coming weekend.

He didn’t say, ‘we’re judging you as bad human beings,’ or ‘we think you’re doing evil things that none of us ever even considered as college students.’ In fact I’m pretty sure he’s just reminding people that lighting up in the proximity of a p-safe officer might result in disciplinary action. Which is kind of his job. Now if he’d said, ‘I’ll personally hunt down and turn in every person who even faintly smells of marijuana to the MPD,’ that would be a different story.