THE STANFORD AXE is the Bay Area’s greatest sports artifact. It’s asterisk-free, its rich history grows each year, and its fate is up in the air again Saturday with the 110th Big Game between Cal and Stanford.

To capture this Big Game’s spirit, we sat down with The Axe for an exclusive interview, or, shall we say, a Q-and-Axe:

Q: Are you ready for your first trip to the rebuilt Stanford Stadium?

Axe: I just hope Stanford’s angry students don’t mistake me for one of Donald Rumsfeld’s props at the Hoover Institution.

Q: What have the past five years been like living on Cal’s campus?

Axe: For obvious reasons, I haven’t been allowed anywhere near Memorial Stadium’s oak grove. But it’s been a hoot watching coach Jeff Tedford revive the program, except for when this year’s Bears were on the verge of a No. 1 ranking that could have rendered me moot.

Q: You’ll never be moot.

Axe: You’re too kind. But I’m still not going home with you. I’m leaving with the winning team, as I have since 1933. And I’ll be Berkeley-bound again by halftime. Look for a Big Blowout — 31-10, Cal — in this not-so-big game.

Q: How can you say that? It’s still a big deal, especially for Stanford. Cardinal coach Jim Harbaugh told us this week: “When it can make your season, it’s big.” This, from a guy whose season provided the greatest point-spread upset ever, an Oct. 6 win over 41-point favorite Southern Cal.

Axe: Maybe Harbaugh meant a Cal win would make the Bears’ season. Cal is finishing up the biggest face-plant season in memory. I suppose a Big Game win could take the sting off the Big Gag.

Q: Did you know Cal safety Thomas DeCoud spent last weekend’s bye visiting you at Berkeley’s student union and said “I want to keep (The Axe) there,” at Monday’s Big Lunch with the media.

Axe: Keep me there? It seems I never smell fresh air unless it’s Big Game week. I’d even settle for a Web site like DeSean Jackson’s or a 24-hour Web cam.

Q: Didn’t Tedford bust you out this week to show his players what’s at stake?

Axe: I’m not the only thing Cal is playing for, because if they lose me, they might lose any shot at a bowl game. Now’s not the time to get their axe kicked, so to speak.

Q: Do you dread having your plaque scratched up again if Stanford wins and tries to etch out The Play’s disputed 1982 result?

Axe: Yeah. Why take it out on me? I didn’t run onto the field during kickoff. Although, one time, at band camp … never mind.

Q: Stanford defensive end Udeme Udofia said it’s, “been our goal the whole season to get The Axe back where it belongs, because it is The Stanford Axe.” What’s he mean by that?

Axe: It’s a classic tale of boy meets girl, girl steals his heart and runs home to gab to her girlfriends. In other words, Stanford students debuted me in 1899 to chop up a blue-and-gold straw man at a pep rally before a Cal-Stanford baseball game. Cal won the game and celebrated by swiping me, chopping off half my handle and sneaking me onto a ferry.

Q: OK, then what does Stanford’s “Immortal Twenty-One” signify?

Axe: That’s’s point spread Saturday.

Q: Really?

Axe: No, Stanford is only a 13-point underdog. As for the Immortal Twenty-One, those were the Stanford students who stole me at Cal’s annual Axe Rally in 1930. I spent the previous three decades in a bank vault.

Q: Wow, they still owe you a chance to get out and see more of the world. How about going on tour with one player each day, like hockey’s Stanley Cup?

Axe: I don’t have many pub crawls left in me.

Q: A few Bears had other ideas. DeCoud said he’d use you to “start construction” on the oak grove for Cal’s new athletic center. Running back Justin Forsett vowed to take you to the mall so everyone could see you. Offensive tackle Mike Gibson just wants to introduce you to his friends and family in his hometown of Napa. How’s that sound?

Axe: Well, like Napa’s fine wine, I get better with age, don’t I?

Q: Today’s Stanford players wouldn’t know. Cornerback Nick Sanchez said of you: “I’ve never touched it or been close to it.” Harbaugh added: “I’ve seen pictures of it.”

Axe: Blame it on ex-Cardinal coaches Buddy Tevens and Walt Harris. They got, well, axed after going 0-5 combined in the Big Game.

Q: Who’s radio voice are you dying to hear? Stanford’s Bob Murphy, who’s making his swan song after 43 years, or Cal’s Joe Starkey, who’s celebrating the 25th anniversary of his famously zany call of The Play?

Axe: Either crooner is fine, as long as I finally get to hear at game’s end: “Oh, The Axe is out on the field!”