Re: My books

NickRuf7 wrote:

thanks dude and like i said could you spread the word

Would you mind if it I showed it to my literature professors? I of course will give you all the credit.

I am no longer an active member of Twboards, but if you need--or want--to talk to me, I have left the option of sending an email available. If you abuse it or spam me or something, I will A) Promptly remove the email option, and B) Hunt you to the ends of the Earth. Choose wisely and I wish you all the best of luck...

Re: My books

Re: My books

Due to either the format of your typing or the auto-format the forum applies, it was extremely hard for me to read and comprehend what was going on. That being said, I just sort of skimmed, but I noticed a few things that you could try fixing.

First of all, you described the "large black man" about 3 different times pointing out his blackness, and then pounded it even harder by naming the character Blackwood. It seemed a little redundant.

Secondly when you're switching dialogue, please do so in the proper format. The paragraphing was weird, and most of the time you had sentence fragments after someone spoke because you used a period instead of a comma. Taken from http://theeditorsblog.net/2010/12/08/pu … -dialogue/ :

" Direct: “She was a bore,” he said.

Indirect: He said [that] she was a bore. "

Make sure you keep your tenses correct, your story in proper order, and try not to skip around from idea to idea. Once you write something, try to go back and organize it.

I'm not completely sure of your age or the reading/writing comprehension you posses, so I can't really say how well or not so well you write, but what I do know is that I admire your perseverance and passion for wanting to write; especially in a genre so dear to my heart. Keep in mind also that I am by no means a professional writer, or even a casual writer. I was just giving my 2 cents.

You might want to take a break from your story, read a few dystopian books, and then come back and judge your story again once you mature a little as a reader. If you haven't already, check out Fahrenheit 451. It isn't as good as 1984, but it's a nice quick read with a good story. Oh, and if you haven't read Orwell's Animal Farm, do so.

Re: My books

I loved animal farm and even a 3rd grader could tell that Blackwood is another person alogether. How can you stand in front of yourself? I couldnt paragraph it on this if i could do you think it would look like that? Ill take what you said about the android being a tall black man, but it sounds like you just grazed the first two pagesoh and bigdonginthesky it dosent look proffesional because when iposted it on twboards.com it deleted all my tabs

Last edited by NickRuf7 (9/21/2012 10:48 am)

One who fights dragons too long will become a dragon himself, and if you gaze to long into the abyss the abyss will gaze into you.

Re: My books

NickRuf7 wrote:

I loved animal farm and even a 3rd grader could tell that Blackwood is another person alogether. How can you stand in front of yourself? I couldnt paragraph it on this if i could do you think it would look like that? Ill take what you said about the android being a tall black man, but it sounds like you just grazed the first two pagesoh and bigdonginthesky it dosent look proffesional because when iposted it on twboards.com it deleted all my tabs

Re: My books

NickRuf7 wrote:

I loved animal farm and even a 3rd grader could tell that Blackwood is another person alogether. How can you stand in front of yourself? I couldnt paragraph it on this if i could do you think it would look like that? Ill take what you said about the android being a tall black man, but it sounds like you just grazed the first two pagesoh and bigdonginthesky it dosent look proffesional because when iposted it on twboards.com it deleted all my tabs

You took what was probably the only serious constructive criticism you've received and pretty much completely ignored it. You aren't a terrible writer for being 11/12 years old, but if you're any older than that you should probably spend more time working on your craft.

Re: My books

shaft711 wrote:

You took what was probably the only serious constructive criticism you've received and pretty much completely ignored it. You aren't a terrible writer for being 11/12 years old, but if you're any older than that you should probably spend more time working on your craft.