Tuesday, 21 March 2017

I had to be somewhere

Friday 9:20am March 17, 2017 looking out of a law firm's window at downtown Edmonton. This law firm is not representing me.

Another ongoing installment in divorce proceedings. I was served by my future ex wife after twenty years of marriage in March 2014. As soon as that happened I went shopping for a lawyer. I never bothered to find out what her reasons were. When this all started I wished my lawyer would have informed me what the process and sequence of events would be. So far it has been long periods of nothing happening waiting for various things to be completed with occasional legal meetings. The whole thing is more tedious than anything else.

I am still legally married. I have not had any communication with her in any way for three years. No children. After the split I moved about three hours away by car. With all that time together and then suddenly finding myself separated three years ago I thought I would find myself missing her. I was a bit surprised that I never did. Over time I find myself forgetting what she looks like. The big adjustment after the split was trying to connect with new people in a new environment. It can be lonely and takes time to set up in a new area.

If you are ever in need of a lawyer be business-like about it. I interviewed a couple and even fired one after a couple of meetings. I treated hiring a lawyer as paying a mercenary to work on my behalf. If you are not happy with your lawyer end the relationship and get a different one. I do not contact my lawyer unless it is strictly necessary. Stay out of their way and let them do their job. They have done this before, you have not. I am paying for services rendered and results and I intend to keep a lid on my costs.

I was done with the meeting by 1:00pm. My former wife did not look happy. She wanted this, I did not, and I assume she is getting what she wanted, good or bad. This was one more step in the process. I am not sad or unhappy. I am indifferent at this point. I know this too shall pass, I will not be the first nor the last to have this experience. I harbour no animosity towards her and whatever we had is in the past. I try not dwell on things.

After the meeting I take a long drive to relax and collect my thoughts. I am not really feeling anything although I feel I should. Apparently I am not thinking about anything in particular. My mind is more on the onset of spring and the sunny day.

The following day is a visit to see mom. She lives a little over an hour away west of Edmonton. I take mom out for brunch. Then mom wants me to wash her car. This seems to be a routine with her now. Every time I visit I am expected to wash her car. There are worse ways to spend the day. I do it to because it makes her happy. I drive her car to a car wash and give it a thorough wash. She offers to pay. I do not let her.

I try to visit mom about once a month if not more. I have become some type of courier between my mom and my sister. Whenever I go I take something up and return with something else. It irritates me however I have given up resisting this. There are other hills to die on.

Mom seems to be doing well. It was a good visit except for the night. Mom lives in a forty-five and older building apartment style condominium that has about thirty units. The building is largely occupied by the senior set who like to keep the building inhumanly warm. I can never get a decent night of sleep when I am there. What sleep I got this time was extremely fractured. I can put up with all kinds of stuff except for screwing with my sleep. If I do not get reasonable sleep time I am a wreck the next day.

Sunday it is off home. I pick up breakfast because my mother lives instant coffee and I consider it a crime against nature. I never say anything when she makes if for me, I drink it to be polite. It happened to rain and freeze overnight making the roads treacherous first thing in the morning. A quick breakfast and I am off home. Close to four hours of drive time and minimal sleep and I make it an early night.

11 comments:

The best thing to do is not constantly call your lawyer - it runs up the bill. The next best thing is to do what you are doing, which is move on with your life. Remember what was good, but look forward. Best of luck with this unpleasantness.

I needed a lawyer for a divorce matter in Washington state (USA). It was a simple task, file a paper then show up up in court & say yes for me.I sent out ten emails to ten different lawyers I found over the internet. The differences in the responses was amazing, shopping around for a lawyer IS a must!

FWIW I went with the one who actually read my email and didn't try & bs me.

I remember the good parts of my marriage, learned from the bad parts, filed with the help of a local free legal group, and moved on...LOL, when I moved here to take care of Mother and Dad the house temp was set at 81 and whoa betide anyone who changed it. Sure made dressing for the day a challenge. Good on you for taking care of mom, now get some sleep.

I was fortunate that my first wife and I had a very amicable divorce. She didn't want anything except her freedom, so we were able to divorce without lawyers. I know most people are not as fortunate.

When kids are involved, it gets more complicated, but I hope that the adults behave like adults and do what's best for their kids. Children are not weapons and shouldn't be used as such to strike back at your ex.