Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Coming Out (to my parents) About Sex Work

I just want to say that this essay is inspired by Jiz Lee and their upcoming project to detail similar experiences from other sex workers. A version of this may end up being a part of that project.

Coming Out

I was
twenty-years-old the first time I
approached my family regarding my work. At the time, it was as much a career
as any superfluous labor one attends to in college. It was hardly what
I'd call an identity. But I kept it secret for a time. Because I was
nervous.

My mother was (and is) a fundamentalist Christian, and my father
dabbled in various new-age philosophy/spirituality. I was influenced
by both and knew that neither world view thought highly of
pornography, if it was considered much at all.

But there I was, fresh out of the house, and making my first real
income by having sex in front of a camera. It was an interesting bit
of self-exploration and a quick way to make some cash. Still, I had
no long term plans and zero thoughts of explaining it to my family.

Only when I'd started dating another porn performer and planned to
run away to Los Angeles did I find an explanation necessary. That,
and my part-time job had become a bit more – explicitly –
available on the world wide web.

I knew my family would eventually find out. I had to decide whether
they'd hear it first from me.

“I remember that you called me and you said that you wanted to
talk to me about something important,” said my mother. “And you
asked me to sit down. [laughs] I thought, 'Wow. This is going to be
something important.' Because you've never asked me to sit down.”

Both
my parents have agreed to an interview regarding my coming
out process and how they
currently feel about my participation in sex work. Given that I've
just passed my seven-year-anniversary in porn and I now consider it a
career, it seems necessary to examine the ways my work has effected
my family with my
family. Because I can offer only one perspective, and my journey with
sex work in regards to my family has as much to do with them as it
does with me.

For the sake of brevity, I've narrowed down the relationships to
those with my mother and father. Though this discussion could
certainly extend to my siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and
even cousins.

I sat down with my mother first. The interview took place the day
after Thanksgiving, 2012.

“You said that you wanted to make
sure that I knew this was not a personal affront against me in any
way,” she told me, recalling a phone conversation seven years
prior. “Because you knew that it was not something within my value
system... It was about your personal exploration of your own life.
You wanted to make sure that if I had any questions or if there were
any concerns, that you and I would discuss them personally. So that I
wouldn't be surprised by it through external circumstances... Which
you said would probably happen at some point.”

I asked my mother to recall the coming
out conversation so that we could begin on the same page. My
memory is as faulty as any and I wanted to at least know that my
mother and I remembered the same events. For the most part, we did.

I was nervous about telling my mother
that I was involved in pornography because I knew her point of view.
She'd raised me with the idea that sexuality was something sacred to
be shared between a man and a woman, and that the most fulfilling way
to do so was within the boundaries of marriage.

We'd had debates in the past that
proved our difference of opinion. By early high school, I'd come to
believe that homosexuality was inherent to the natural variations in
human sexuality. I also viewed marriage as a highly ineffective
institution, based primarily on my parents' divorce and the single
mothers and fathers who raised many of my close friends.

As far as sex was concerned, I wanted
it just about as soon as I understood what it was. And I dreamed of
it with as many partners as possible. Like many young boys, I was
also scared shitless when it came down to the act. A few
opportunities did arise in my youth, and I experienced my early joys
and follies. But I didn't foresee myself with only one partner, I
didn't much want to get married, and the only time I valued sexual
monogamy was when I was hopelessly crushed out on a fellow
schoolmate.

My mother at least knew my general
point of view. She wouldn't have been shocked to hear that I had a
girlfriend or boyfriend who I was having sex with. However, porn not
only conflicted with her sexual values, it flaunted its opposition in
a public space. Anyone with a computer could find out that I had
become – quite literally – a whore. Even outside of Christian
circles, I was aware this was not often looked upon with admiration.

I didn't want my mother, who raised me
to the best of her abilities, to believe I had chosen pornography as
a means to punish her. Or that it was a sign of her failure.

In terms of my own reservations, I had
been told (I'm not sure by who in particular) that sex workers were
often drawn to the profession because of a lack of education and a
consequent lack of diverse financial opportunity. I did not want to
be viewed as uneducated or unable. The fact that my
mother had been so supportive in my pursuit of higher education made
it all the more necessary to explain that porn was not something I
was doing instead of school
or in place of a long-term, real job.

My mother
responded to this preface with appreciation. Though as expected, she
did not look upon my involvement in porn as a positive step in my
life. When I asked my mother what her reaction was when I first told
her, her eyes welled up with tears and she responded, “Sad.”

Here, I must share
a bit of my mother's opinion of me to show that her reaction did not
necessarily come from the position of judgment or shaming.

“You're
one of the most precious human beings. Not just because you've come
out of my belly... Everybody, when they talk about you, they will
say, 'Chris is very intelligent, talented, and gifted.' Beyond that,
most super intelligent, super talented, super gifted people are not
as tender-hearted, kind, sensitive, feeling, sweet... And that's who
you are. You have always been that since you've been a little kid.
There's a purity in that, a sweetness in that.”

Again, this is not shared with the purpose to gloat. I would
certainly not say all of these things about myself. My point is that
my mother loves me. I know that she loves me. And I know that she
thinks very highly of me.

However, my mother also believes I was emotionally damaged (or that
my purity/sweetness was “violated by certain individuals”) as a
child and that I make many of my decisions – in part – based on
this damage. According to her, pornography is one such decision.

She continued, “Somebody who is a very pure, very beautiful human
being who is nurtured into their full potential makes very good
choices. Because they have that foundation of love, confidence, and
security to explore who they are at a younger age within safe
parameters that are not as dangerous. That are not as risky. They
have a safety net of embracing arms, and hearts, and attitudes.

I felt that when you told me [that you did porn], that my sweet,
very sensitive, very beautiful, and very pure person didn't have that
opportunity.”

Without going into detail, my mother talked of “risks” and
“dangers” inherent to the pornographic profession. I assumed from
past conversations that she meant sexually transmitted diseases and
performer exploitation (i.e. being coaxed to do things one's not
comfortable with). She also reiterated that porn was against her
values, with the addendum, “But I think you already know that.”

I'm sure many parents show concern when their child picks up any
interest that beckons physical harm. But my brother played club
soccer all through school and broke his leg right around the time he
would have earned a university scholarship. My mother supported him
through years of intense training when she knew full-well the risks.
In fact, during that time, a relative of ours sustained paralysis
from a college sports injury. He died a year or two later.

For
such reasons, I never fully bought the
major concerns for physical safety when people talked about porn. Not
even when they came from my mother. I'd never witnessed someone
discouraged from sports based on the risks and dangers involved. And
I couldn't imagine that construction workers or UPS delivery men
received lectures from parents on the dangers of their careers,
despite the statistically high number of injuries.

Sex workers can, and do, contract sexually transmitted infections.
But for those of us in mainstream porn, we're also regularly tested
(which I've explained to my mother). Consequently, infectious
outbreaks of the potentially fatal kind are rare and well-contained.
Performer exploitation is a bit more complicated of an issue, but
I've argued (and continue to do so) that it's increasingly rare. In
any case, it's something I'm unlikely to encounter at this point in
my career.

On
the subject of going against my mother's values, all I can say is
that such transgressions extend into other facets of my life. My
mother and I continue to have lively discussions over the differences
in our ideological beliefs. Spirituality, including my lack thereof,
seems to be a more interesting topic to the both us than arguing the
reasons behind our sexual proclivities. My mother even said, “There
are other things that if you were involved in, I would look at you
and maybe disrespect you. I don't disrespect you within [porn].”

My
exposure to physical injury had never brought my mother to tears.
Neither had engaging in sexual behavior that conflicted with her
belief system. It's possible the combination of both impacted her
emotional response, but I suspected something else. I think the
following is an affirmation of that something.

“It perpetuates that thing that you would always fight,” my
mother told me. “Of not being totally accepted. It encourages some
sort of rejection just by being in that profession. You are always
going to be rejected by a certain segment of society... Tons of
people use pornography. But the vast majority who use it are ashamed
of it. It always has this stigma around it... To actually make that
your profession has a certain stigma, a negativity, a shame to it.
That's what you've dealt with through a lot of your life. To me, it
perpetuates it. That's sad to me. You deserve not to be rejected.”

This was the hardest for me to hear because it rang the most true.
Even within my circle of closest childhood friends, it's taken the
better part of a decade for my career to be viewed with some
legitimacy. At least without being assigned the notion that it must
be an intermediary step on the way to something better.

Not to put all blame elsewhere. I've recycled the same thoughts
about porn.

“It was okay for a time, because I'll get out of school and work my
way into mainstream film (behind the camera).” If I didn't have
that goal, then what was I doing? Certainly wasting my time.

Porn was not a career goal of mine. It attained full-time status by
the simple fact that by the time I graduated college, I had put in
enough time to be known as a decent performer. It offered steady
income. I could continue to pay my bills with porn or I could take a
gamble and start at the bottom of another profession with nothing but
a liberal arts degree. For about two years, I tried both. Then I had
an epiphany.

I realized that what I wanted to do with my life was not implicitly
tied to making money. Like many starving artists, I wanted to create
work regardless of its commercial appeal or success. The only thing
is that I didn't want to starve.

Everyone
I knew (with similar arty
interests) spent time on their personal projects and then went off to
their jobs and earned money. Sometimes their art and financial income
intersected. But even for those who made it
in their aspired industry, most days were just like going to work.

Sticking with something I was good at no longer felt like failure.
It just seemed like a decent way to make a living. Even better
because it allowed me enough time to pursue other interests. And
because working in porn was basically still working in film, I often
found opportunity to work on interesting projects AND get paid. Once
I stopped worrying out about the legitimacy of porn, it became a lot
more fun.

My
personal acceptance was a process that spanned several years. So it
was not something I could expect of someone who's only reference to
pornography was that dirty thing to be enjoyed in private.

It may only be shameful because of cultural subjectivity (i.e.
everyone thinks it's shameful). But that doesn't detract from my
mother's concern.

Porn,
as a career, is rarely taken seriously. It's often viewed as
shameful. This is simply a truth. No matter what I accomplish along
the way, if I tell people I'm a porn star, I'm likely to take on a
degree of stigmatization. I mean, a talk show host recently told my
girlfriend (also a performer) and I – on national television –
that he looked at us “differently” as soon as he heard that we
did porn. It wasn't viewed as a controversial thing to say. My
girlfriend and I were the controversy.

With this understanding, I take on some of my own sadness when I
listen to my mother speak of hers. Yes, she fears for my safety and
all of this. But what I really hear from my mother is that she wants
the best for me. She knows I've chosen a profession that almost
guarantees I'll be looked down upon and sees it as her son facing a
lifetime of rejection. From my mother's perspective, it's the
knowledge that her son will be continually hurt.

By the power of empathy, I understand this perfectly. No more would
I want to witness my mother face such rejection. However, I can
honestly say that her fears have not been fully actualized. In part,
this has to do with the role of community. I socialize with many of
the people I work with. And if I extend that group to others, it's
mostly to those who hold a fairly liberal stance when it comes to
porn and sexuality.

Of course, I'm reminded of anti-porn sentiments every now and again.
But it's not a part of my daily experience. Most of the time, I talk
openly of my career. When I'm at work, I feel as if I'm held in high
esteem by my peers. In actuality, it's around family that I'm most
hesitant to talk about pornography. The most fierce criticisms I've
received were from my uncle and grandfather.

Reactions like those from my extended family probably speak more to
my mother's experience. Because my participation in porn does not
only effect me. It extends to those around me. If there is a
stigmatization of the pornographer, there is also a stigmatization of
the parent who raised such a deviant. While I may be
relatively safe in my social environment, my mother socializes with
other mothers, other professionals, and other people with perhaps no
ties to the adult film industry. It is this potential hurt that
I am more saddened by. Because my choice perhaps limits my mother's
ability to partake in conversations with other parents about their
children, lest she be put on the immediate defensive of having to
explain her child's career. There is a social stigma in simply
discussing my existence in more than superficial terms.

To be fair, my mother is one of the only family members who has
regularly allowed me to speak openly about my professional
experiences. Consequently, I believe she's been allowed to see some
positive effects of my involvement in porn.

“You used to be extremely shy,” she told me. “I feel like you
can pretty watch walk into any situation and say, 'Hello,' and be
who you are. If you've been in front of a camera for a long time
without your clothes on, it gives you something on that level.”

She continued, “And you do promote positivity within it. You bring
out the best of whatever you're involved in. You bring out the most
positive aspects of pornography.”

To me, such examples are proof of my mother's love. Given her
ideological stance, I can never expect complete approval for my
career path thus far. It is only these hidden gems of congratulation.
In some ways it's extraordinary that a person who professes to hate
(or at least strongly dislike) porn can tell me that it's changed me
in positive ways, or that I'm doing some good within it.

It is also important to note that my mother never asked me to stop.
Despite her claims to my “naivety” in the beginning (which I
totally agree with), there was no point at which she said, “I know
better and this is bad for you.” I believe that a parent who
respects their adult child will undoubtedly share their own
opinion, but will also allow that child a choice – without
persuasive terms.

My mother never gave me an ultimatum. This conveys a level of trust.
In terms of the relationship I want with my mother as I continue into
adulthood, this is one of the only things I can ask for.

Love, respect, and trust: all of these are inherent to our familial
bond. It is why I could approach my mother with the news that I was a
burgeoning porn star. It also why I felt the need to. Because the
feelings are mutual. I love, respect, and trust my mother. When a
piece of my life becomes big enough to take on some importance to me,
I want her to know about it. Even if she disagrees with the entire
premise.

Going forward, I can only hope that my mother will understand that I
am capable of flourishing as a human being within my current
environment. Pornography may not be all of my life, but it
makes up an important part of it. Because it is my job, I take it
very seriously. I try to do the best that I can and promote the work
that I feel is the most interesting. I can only imagine I'd do the
same with anything else.

When it comes to my father and I, our history is a bit more
complicated. I don't know if this made the coming out process
harder or not.

We were on decent terms around the time I told him I was doing porn.
But a few years prior, things were different. I hadn't lived with my
father since I was eleven. Around the age of thirteen, I refused to
speak to him for an entire year.

I'm sure my story is similar to that of many who've been raised by
an alcoholic. However, the tumultuous father/son relationship of my
youth is not the topic at hand. The only relevance is that by the
time I was twenty-years-old and an active sex worker, I was a bit
ambivalent about whether I should tell my father, and equally
ambivalent about whether or not he would care. In fact, it was during
my interview with him that I first truly learned of his opinion.

I should note that I have a very good relationship with my father at
present time. At least the best that I can remember. He's been sober
for a while now, we talk about every-other-week (sometimes more
frequently), and although I don't visit him often due to distance, I
enjoy the time I get to spend with him.

But back to the coming out conversation. To be honest, my
memory is a bit of a blur. I more-or-less knew what I was getting
into when it came to my mother. Prepping for the conversation was a
pretty big deal. So it remains an important event in my personal
history. When it came to my father, I had no idea what he thought
about porn or sex. And because he didn't have the ability to really
do anything to me if he disapproved, there wasn't much riding on his
response. To put it simply, I had no qualms about telling him to
“fuck off” (albeit in a more passive-aggressive manner) if he got
upset.

“I have a vague memory of a conversation with you where I
expressed that I don't understand why you do it,” said my father.
“Because it's so foreign to me. It's not part of my life experience
to even consider this. I couldn't relate to it.”

That sort-of matches my memory of his initial response. Meaning,
there wasn't much of one. I have this image in my head of my father
nodding and perhaps looking confused, or unsure of what to say. Then
a memory of something that caught me off guard.

“I remember one of the first things you said was... You asked me
how I keep an erection for so long,” I told him during our
interview.

“Yeah, that certainly was a big question,” he responded,
laughing. “You know, how do you do that? Certainly, when you get
older this becomes a big deal to get one at all or to maintain it for
any length of time... I was just curious from a physiological point
of view.”

The physiological effects remain one of my father's primary
concerns. “When I found out that you were using erectile enhancing
drugs,” he continued, “I was worried about what that might do to
your physical apparatus. You know me. I'm always keenly aware that
you pay a price for whatever you do.”

For anyone familiar with the male performer side of the adult
industry, it's no secret that a lot of guys use Viagra, Cialis, and
many other erectile dysfunction drugs in order to maintain erections
under pressure, and for long periods of time. The pills aren't
fail-safes, but they're better than nothing.

My father is a Chiropractic Neurologist. Much of his work deals with
how one's environment effects brain function. “One of the simplest
ways to assess brain function is through muscle tone testing,” he
told me. “Muscle tone is not strength. It's the resistance to the
stretch of muscle fibers. If you hold your arm up and I push down on
your wrist... I stretch the fibers of your deltoid muscle.”

He went on, comparing the muscle fibers to an instrument. “You
have the strings that have a certain tension so you have a certain
tone – a note. The same thing holds true that all muscle fibers
have a certain base tension. They have to have one to function
properly... When you bring me medication that you use, if it
decreases your muscle tone, that's not a good thing. It means it has
a negative effect on your brain function.”

This is one of the objective side-effects of porn that I have no
real argument against. I am a health nut in many aspects of my life,
but I also consume a large number of pharmaceutical ED drugs. It
can't be that good for me, but I mostly shrug it off. I figure I'm no
worse off than many Americans. Luckily, my father is not only there
to remind me of the consequences of such behavior. He's taught me
ways to counter the negative effects.

However, physiological function was not the focus of our interview.
“My main concern was AIDS,” he told me. “There's an inherent
danger in what you do that you have no control over. Ultimately, you
can be preventative. But you can't say, 'I'm safe.' You can't.”

I acknowledged his fear, but reiterated (as I have with my mother)
that it is statistically unlikely for men working in heterosexual
porn to contract HIV. Still, I'm aware there is always a chance.

It was interesting, however, that half-way through the interview, my
father showed no signs of being upset or even morally opposed to my
participation in porn. He hadn't shared much about his stance in the
past. But I was curious. Did my father really have no emotional or
ideological response to my career in sex work? I had to ask.

“To have a partner and not share that partner, that's a sacred
thing for me,” he responded. “In terms of my basic stance, I'm
totally monogamous. I was that way with your mother. It never
occurred to me to cheat on her. That doesn't even enter. I can't
imagine it any other way...

“It's also true that I've watched porn – especially when I
didn't have a partner – to get some satisfaction,” he said.
“Ultimately, I felt my own response was actually worse afterward. I
masturbate and I actually feel worse. Because there was nothing
fulfilling... I wish you saw that my way. That was my debate...

“But then the real debate was, 'What do I do?'” he continued.
“Looking at how I treated my mother? I mean, I disappointed her
with everything I did because she had very strong wishes for me. I
did everything the opposite. Not intentionally. But I had my own
way... Who am I to judge what is appropriate? Especially given all
the havoc I've wreaked in my own life. I knew that then. I'm even
more keenly aware of that today. To run around, sit on a high horse,
and dictate what the world should look like has never worked very
well for me. It actually made things worse... From my limited
capacity at that point, I wanted to at least let you know that I
heard you, and that I appreciated that you were actually telling me.”

I was a bit taken aback. When I first told my father that I was
doing porn, I had no concept of his internal process. He listened,
said some things about erections, and that was that. When I came to
him with the request for an interview, I was mostly curious. But as a
grown man, and also a son, I suppose I was looking for something
more. I'm not sure exactly how to describe it. Approval, maybe.

There was something in me that wanted to know that my father not
only respected me, but looked at me as an adult, and acknowledged
that I'd done a good job. I guess when I listened to his response, I
tried to decipher it in such a context.

He said that he appreciated that I was telling him. It was an
obvious step forward in our relationship to share such things with
honesty. Something on par with respect. But it wasn't exactly what I
was looking for. Maybe because our relationship had more of a
conflicted past. Or perhaps it was inherent to the father/son
dynamic. Because I couldn't say I needed the same thing from my
mother.

It's funny, but his approval (or my interpretation of it) came in
the form of a question.

“Let me ask you something,” said my father. “How do you feel
if I tell friends about what you do? Is that okay? Or is that not
okay?”

I wasn't sure why my father would want to tell someone. But I
thought about it as if I were a doctor or lawyer, or some other
universally accepted professional. In conversation, I might be
brought up as a bragging right. As in, “Look, my son has had
success.”

“It's interesting to me that you would even ask that,” I told my
father. “No one else [in my family] has even thought about asking
that. Because I don't feel like anyone is usually willing to tell
other people what I do for a living. I feel like it's always masked.”

My father told me that he often goes on walks with his friend.
They've established a routine where one person talks for five minutes
and the other listens. There are no interruptions and no response.

“I actually told him that,” said my father. “I said, you know,
'My son works in the porn industry.' He was going to react, and I
said, 'Uh uh. It's not your turn.' That was pretty cool because I
didn't have to defend or anything. I said to him afterward, 'This is
something I wanted you to hear. But I don't want your comment.' I
don't.”

It may have not been a boastful act, but it made me happy to hear
that my father wanted to share such a thing about me. It meant that
he was at least not ashamed. In fact, I could interpret it to be
quite the opposite.

I told my father that I didn't mind, that it was “totally fine.”

“Good,” he responded. “Thank you. That clarifies that. I
didn't think that would be an issue. But that's probably weird that
nobody wants to say or speak what you do, right? I can't imagine.
[laughs] What a bummer. Walk around on tip-toes and come up with some
bullshit story.”

The following was my response. It may reiterate some of the things
I've written in this piece. But it is meant as a most sincere
explanation to my parents, and any of my family, as to why I've
chosen porn:

“I feel like I live in a bubble. I surround myself with people who
essentially agree with my politics, which involve fairly radical
sexual politics. Or I surround myself with people who are in the sex
industry. We have a little community. Within that community, I think
I am well respected. Especially within the past two years, a lot of
the work I've done is very important to me. Prior to that, it was a
very interesting journey within my own self that involved figuring
out how I felt about this career.

“Starting out, I didn't intend for it to be a career. I intended
for it to be some sort of sexual exploration. A way to make a little
extra money while I was in school. In my head, it was like, 'Well,
I'm going to get out of school and go off and do something else.' The
more I was exposed to the mainstream film industry – which is what
I thought I wanted to be involved in – it became really upsetting
to me. I don't really want to have a lot to do with that... except on
the fringes. To work within things that I think have some artistic
integrity.

“So I think that porn allows me to make... not an incredible
amount of money. But I live a middle-class lifestyle like I always
have growing up. I'm able to do a lot of things that I'm very proud
of. It also allows me the time to create art in other contexts.
That's incredibly important to me.

“I think most people who go to school with the intentions of being
an artist have to make a decision at some point to either make money
or fulfill their artistic pursuits. A lot of times one of those has
to kind of drop off. Unless you're incredibly lucky and make some big
hit, or something. But for most of us, that's never going to happen.

“A
lot of the things I'm interested in live on the fringes of, uh...
people's interests in general. Especially when it comes to things
that are monetarily successful. Like the music and film I want to
create. I know it doesn't make a tremendous amount of money.

“Porn
is both a way to fund those things and keep creating those things
because I don't have to work twelve hours a day every single day.

“I have also
become a part of a community of people who I really respect, and I
think respect me as well. And we're able to do some really
interesting things. I have people who write me on a regular basis
now, thanking me for my work. I don't know that in any other
profession that if you received the same response, you could say that
you're doing something wrong or go, 'I don't want to be here.'”

8 comments:

This really touched me. I work as an erotic writer, and I'm proud of everything I've done, but I haven't "come out" to my parents yet as they are both really conservative and religious. I wonder if they would be as accepting as your parents. My father is a recovered alcoholic too. Maybe there is a link there, lol.

Re: the stigmatization, I get that too. It sucks, but luckily I have a support system of like minded writers and readers and I try to brush it off.

Anyway, thanks for writing this. I identified with a lot of it. Good luck in your career. I have enjoyed some of your kink.com films. :-)

Thank you for sharing your experiences and perspective withing the sex industry. The subject of sex has always been of interest to me not just because of its context, but of how we all view it. Sex is and has been for the most part a taboo topic of discussion and this may be correlated to quite a few dysfunctions many develop. I write romance and am about to begin grad school for clinical psychology and how we all relate, view, and understand sex and sexual relationships fascinate me. It was genuinely nice to read about your experience and that of your family. I think much of the stigma stems from a lack of understanding, a failure to establish confident sexual identities, and a learned social response. Thanks again Danny!

Thank you for this post. I appreciate your open honesty about your experiences. A friend sent me this post in response to my recent postings on my facebook account about how I've left the strict religion I grew up in and have been choosing to revisit previously taboo things to decide how iiiii feel about them, instead of blindly following what someone else has told me I should feel about them or do about them.

I have had a period of time of uncoiling from all that religious thinking and finding my own opinions and feelings about life in general. I feel our society and culture has much awakening and healing needed in many areas, but especially surrounding sexuality. I find the porn industry is where most people get their sex education, and I'm aware that some industry professionals know this and create films accordingly.

I have spent time seeking out and watching the all documentaries I could find about this industry to have a fuller understanding of it. It's helpful when professionals are willing to talk about it which helps open up the subject for understanding and greater tolerance and acceptance.