It was awesome right until his leave was over, and he had to return to the east coast where he was stationed. We spent several years long distance before finally moving to the same city together.

One of my most vivid military memories is flying down to the east coast where he lived to see his home for the first time. I had never seen a military town or base before in my life. It definitely took some getting used to.

So it’s no surprise that when I first became a military wife there was a huge learning curve. From deployments to power of attorney to basic rights and resources of spouses, I was clearly clueless. I’m so thankful that other spouses and my husband helped me grow some fabulous military spouse wings over the last couple of years.

If you are new military wife, I completely relate to what you are going through. It’s still fresh in my mind, and there are still many days when military life feels overwhelming. Learning the ins and outs of military life takes time, and even the most seasoned military spouses still feel lost at times.

Here are 43 awesome tips and pieces of advice I received over the past few years that can help make military life for the new military wife oh-so-much better:

Continue to pursue your own needs, wants, desires, and goals. Military life has a way of overshadowing all of your own goals and aspirations. Remember to prioritize to yourself to prevent burn out in the long run. Find a passion or a hobby that you can take with you wherever you go.

Enjoy where you are. You can spend 3 years miserable or 3 years happy. Even if you are in the middle of the California dessert with almost no one around, you have to find a way to be happy. Military life is filled with ups and downs and the only way to survive is to find the best in every situation.

Seek out mentors. Support will make all the difference in the world. Many times you will have to ask for it, and that’s okay. Seek out a more seasoned military spouse and ask for help, support and guidance. Most are more than willing to help because they’ve all been there.

Learn your resources and benefits. Know what military programs are available to you as a military wife and use them. If you don’t use your resources, they will start to dwindle away. Know your healthcare, retirement and other spouse benefits.

Find a deployment buddy. It’s nearly impossible to survive deployment without at least one listening ear.

Take it easy on yourself. It’s okay if you feel overwhelmed or are struggling sometimes. It’s completely normal. There is no super military spouse out there who handles all of this perfectly.

Mentor other military spouses. Once you feel comfortable as a new military wife, take other spouses under your wing and mentor them. They will love you for it.

Get involved and volunteer. Getting involved in your military community is a great way to build relationships. And it’s important to network and connect, so you have support when you really need it.

Military spouses are your biggest asset. Civilian friends are awesome, but there is no one who understands the challenges of military life more than a fellow military spouse. Befriend as many as possible.

Go out of your way to meet people. When you are the one moving all the time and living far from family, it is often up to you to initiate new relationships in your life. Doing your best to put yourself out there can really go a long way.

Military marriages are a lot of work. Marriage is hard work period. Throw in the challenges of military life, and marriage becomes a whole new ball game. Make your military marriage a priority to keep it strong.

Value, respect and support your spouse. As much as you need support from your husband, he needs you too.

Deployment is an opportunity for growth. Sure deployments aren’t always peaches and cream, but there is a upside to everything. Find the positive in the negative. Deployments are a great opportunity to focus and invest in yourself.

Prepare to live far from family. More often than not, this is the case for most military wives. The good thing is that the military spouse community is very supportive, and you will find your own little ‘family’ everywhere you go. Fingers-crossed.

Prepare to move a lot. While it is challenging moving often, it is also an opportunity to enjoy new adventures that you would’ve never experienced otherwise! Use this handy PCS checklist to help you through!

Plan ahead for everything. Things tend to run smoother when plans are in place.

Expect none of your plans to actually happen. Military life changes at a moment’s notice. Expect plans to change.

Stay faithful to your spouse. This probably seems obvious, but I can’t tell you how many spouses I actually knew (yes, personally) who fell into a dark trap while there husband was deployed. Be smart, make wise choices, and be faithful to your husband.

Cut your spouse some slack. Military life can feel equally overwhelming to a military service member as well.

Know that having kids in military life is different than in civilian life. It is simply a different facet to raising children. You will have to explain why daddy is gone for work so much and help them cope through the challenging emotions that come with separation.

Making friends is harder in some ways. Friends are always coming and going, in addition to your hometown friends living far away. This can put a strain on building close friendships every time you move.

Making friends is easier in some ways. Because everyone is in the same boat, it is sometimes easier to make friends.

Strategize how you will best cope with deployment. Discover what works well for you during deployment. Does going back to your hometown help? Does taking on several extra hobbies help? Does eating chocolate under the covers help? Nah, I’m probably the only one eating candy bars in bed.

Know how to find support and help. Utilize Facebook groups, military websites, community pages, your family readiness officer, and military wife blogs to gain support in your area. Join mom groups if you are a mom or participate in other hobby groups in your community to build a network.

There will be many milestones missed. Unfortunately, it’s really common for military service members to miss birthdays, holidays, milestones, and even weddings and the birth of a child.

Don’t take yourself too seriously. You don’t have to be a perfect spouse. If you have bad days, we’re all right there with ya.

Prepare for the possibility of death, injury and PTSD. As much as I hate saying this, it is important to prepare for anything that could happen. There’s no way to prepare entirely, but learning about what to expect if faced with a serious situation helps.

Keep all the legal stuff in order. Wills, power of attorney, life insurance…all good things to have completed correctly and in a safe in your home.

About Lauren Tamm

I'm Lauren, a military spouse and licensed Language of Listening® parent coach. I write about my crazy parenting adventures, discovering happiness in motherhood and navigating the ups and downs of military life. I spend my days re-heating coffee while chasing my kids around the house. Hang around for a bit and join the fun!

I love this list! When I married my husband, he only had about a year and a half left until he got out of the marine corps. As of last month, he’s officially reenlisted and we’ll be moving to Japan in May (yay!!). I didn’t think I’d have to find a way to handle the military life since he wasn’t supposed to be in for much longer, but now that he’s reenlisting, I’m looking for all the help and support I can get! We’ve only been married for a little over a year now and I’m already noticing how much more challenging this life can be compared to civilian life. I just discovered your blog the other day and love it! I have been reading every article I can get my hands on! 🙂 Thanks so much for all your wonderful articles!

Oh wow! It’s great to connect with you. We just moved from NC to Japan as well! We are in Okinawa. Is that where you are going? If you are coming here, would be happy to help you out once you are on island. Also feel free to email me (themilitarywifeandmom at gmail dot com) with any questions about stuff. It’s a really overwhelming and stressful process just because the paperwork is a pain, but we seriously love it here. It’s a great opportunity to live overseas, but you have countless amenities to make you feel the comforts of home too. You’re gonna rock this Japan thing! Thanks for leaving such great comments!

I just wanted to thank you for adding #19, my husband just retired from the Navy and you wouldn’t believe how much I saw this rule being broken… I believe it is most important and like you said obvious, but sometimes I think people get so lonely and no one to really tell them this is unacceptable. I just wanted to thank you again and hope that lots of military spouses and maybe soon to be military spouses read this.

“Refer to all your husband’s superiors as Sir unless told otherwise. Just good military etiquette” Because all my HUSBANDS superiors are always male. Get a clue. Seriously. Also this is not true. Only call officers Sir or Ma’am. NCO’s cringe a little when they are called Sir or Ma’am. Learn the ranks and call them by that rank. Gains more respect that you will ever know.

True on the male point you made! Thanks for pointing that out. Learning all the ranks is beneficial, but I think many spouses, especially new spouses find learning ALL the ranks overwhelming. Heck, I still find it overwhelming. My best tip is simply to address others as respectfully as possible or talk to your service member about how he or she would like you to speak to superiors.

I loved this post! I am a new military wife, so I have found this extremely helpful! I have actually started up a blog to help keep me busy. I know I will need something to cling to when my husband is gone. I would also love to have a blog that other military spouses can turn to when they need help or advice! It is important to stick together to help navigate this whole new life!

I love this I’m not a military wife but I will be soon. My husband is really thinking of joining the army. We are 26 and 25 years old with 2 kids. I’m already nervous and he hasn’t even signed yet but will be meeting with a recruiter Friday.

Any tips on deployment when the spouse won’t be there? We’re going to be new parents next month and my husband will deploy in a few weeks. Trying to figure out how to keep the baby and him connected as he won’t get to be there for the birth-first half of babies life. Any advice/gadgets that are good to have? Thanks

My future husband is talking about re enlisting. I am terrified. I don’t come from a military family like him. My family has lived in the same area for over 4o years. I want him to be happy. What resources are the for me to look into being a military wife?

Thank you so much for this post! As a new military spouse myself, I find this list to be pretty spot on. The best advice I’ve been given is to never go to bed unhappy and always say I love you. You never know when you’ll see or hear from your spouse again (especially if they’re deployed or in the field) so it’s always good to end on a good, happy note. Don’t let things build up and arguments explode! And plus, you can never say I love you enough so that’s always a good idea.

Thank you so much for posting this! I am about to marry my Military man on October 13th and we already have one son and one baby on the way. I’ve been so confused and have had no prep on the life to come as he is transferring from Reserves to Active Duty. And of course being three months pregnant the entire thing has me either blubbering like a fool or in some cases laughing like a mad woman. Heres to hoping I haven’t completely lost my mind! – Marie Pierce

Wow! This helped me so much. As a military spouse of our second PCS and being totally away from family, I struggle. It has been a struggle every day and I get through it day by day. I so appreciate your optimism and advice and I would love to connect with you. Thank you for your strength and sharing that strength with others.

I am now 67, and I still miss the military life. It was hard when you first get out .. all the places you get to go and all the wonderful people you along the way. There is nothing else like it. If you are lucky to go overseas enjoy it, get out and meet the local people … I do not know if there is a site for retired spouses, but there needs to be. It would be nice to stay in touch with the military family.

Hi laura, I really need some advice and help about being a military girlfriend. My boyfriend wants to join the air force this upcoming year and i’m petrified. I’m so scared of what it’ll do to us. We’ve been together for two years now, we’re strong. We’ve been through a lot and are currently stronger than ever. I don’t want this to break us. Im so scared and hurt and feeling all the wrong feelings. I feel like all the plans we made were for nothing even though that’s not true I just want to know people do make it through this and relationships do succeed even if they are long distance for a few years. Please give me some hope and advice.

[…] with a parent on Active Duty, but that was a different time. Zeda, I found some great tips from military wife and mom to share to new marine wives. I’m so excited to watch you two start this exciting journey. […]

Here’s what military families are saying about Military Wife and Mom…

I already found useful tips to help my spouse. I feel connected even though Navy life keeps us from spending time together before deployment arrives. Great course!”

Sarah Rohrer

The encouragement and the helpful reminders are invaluable.

Melinda Walker

I’m more confident. I now have tools in my belt to work through things, instead of feeling helpless. I loved the videos…hearing Lauren’s side of it and her personal experience using the tools she gave us. THANK YOU! Lauren, you have put my mind at ease to know that there are tools out there and ways to get through this!