Whether or not you are Jewish,Bar Mitzvahs (and Bat Mitzvahs for the girls) are known as one of the most celebratory of coming-of-age parties any religious or cultural tradition observes. But modern day parents of boys turning 13 (or girls turning 12) discover stress lies not so much from party planning details, but in maintaining a perspective of this deeply important religious tradition that dates back two millennium.

One way to keep the meaning of the occasion out in front is through the choice of gift. Experienced parents know that instead of an iPod or pair of Uggs, extravagant but meaningless for the occasion, items that convey an understanding of the importance of the occasion could include:

Telfillin (for the boys)
These traditional black boxes containing parchments of Torah verses are expensive. But as a group gift from able family members, their message conveys the two ways a young adult should serve: through thought (worn on the head) and action (worn on the arm).

A Book
Giving the young Jewish adult an insightful book acknowledges his or her transition to an adult in the Jewish sense of responsibility–developing a close relationship with God through education and reason. Consult a list by Rabbi Shraga Simmons in A 7-point Guide to the Coming-of-Age Ceremony, on the Jewish website Aish.com.

Other insights on keeping your focus meaningful when planning your child’s bar mitzvah include not placing too much emphasis on the reception and details of planning. Children absorb their parents attitudes and actions, regardless of what they are told. So instead of focusing too heavily on the food, music, invitations, decorations, etc., experts suggest balancing it with an equal or greater among of discussion about community, family and God.