You join us, readers, mere seconds after a joyous Mill completed its free two-minute trolley dash through Harrods. What a prize to win! 120 seconds to make off with as much booty as we could cram into our chariot. Fancy hearing what we grabbed? Well, take a deep breath now, here goes: a bruised turnip, a ... um ... that's it. Hey, don't blame us, blame the manager who inspired us: Harry Redknapp.

Word is, see, that Redknapp has been casting his eye over Euro 2008, where all the continent's top stars have been strutting their stuff for the last two weeks. And who has stood out most for the Pompey manager? Why, Jean-Alain Boumsong of course!

Still, makes more sense than Jose Mourinho, the Internazionale manager who's cut his holiday to skedaddle to London and personally broker the transfer of Frank Lampard, who, of course, wasn't even good enough to make it to Euro 2008. And while he's in town, Mourinho will try to annoy Arsène Wenger for old time's sake, and Carlos Ancelotti for next season's sake, by making a bid for Emmanuel Adebayor.

Wenger is considering replacing the Togolese striker with Lyon phenomenon Karim Benzema even though paying around £40m would provoke a potentially ruinous identity crisis in the Arsenal manager.

Rafa Benítez, by contrast, has no beef with splurging. The suddenly very high-maintenance manager has told Liverpool's American owners that if they want to retain his affection they'll have to give him upwards of £50m to splash on Gareth Barry, David Silva and Daniel Alves. In fairness, the Spaniard will raise, ooooh, 1% of that himself by flogging Steve Finnan back to Fulham.

Newcastle want a decent central defender, and Michael Dawson. Kevin Keegan is prepared to listen to offers for Damien Duff, in the same pointless way as the Mill will keep its ears open for praise from readers.

And, finally, the highlight of the summer's transfer market could well be the street fight between Martin O'Neill and David Moyes for the signature of Aaron Lennon, unless O'Neill chickens out by agreeing to withdraw his interest in the Spurs imp in return for the services of Andy Johnson.