Definitely get a better mic, or turn the levels down a bit. In the volume control, the mic volume slider shouldn't be at max. Why does the lead bit near 1:50 sound out of tune? I'd say fix that, unless you're going for that 'modest mouse' sound...

First off, very brave of you to put this in such a forum. It made me think of the first gig I did many years ago (!) which was at an 80th birthday party where me and some mates played Twisted Sister "We're Not Gonna Take It" and Judas Priest "Breaking the Law" and an improvised blues thing!

A couple of tips for you to think about :-

Possibly use a lighter pick - not one of those really floppy nylon things but something less thick than a floor tile! It sounds as if you are really digging into those strings. Carry one with you at all times and just learn to use it. I carry one with me all the time and I flip and turn it around in my hand all the time just to get a feel for it.

Try different places on your amp for the mic. Record the same piece with the mic in front of the cone, at the top of the speaker, at the bottom, 6" away, 12" away - just experiment and you'll find that there are so many things you can achieve. Listen to the resulting recordings and try to think of where each sound would be appropriate. Ultimately though, get as good a mic as you can afford - even buy second hand. Brands like Shure and AKG can be got from Ebay pretty cheaply and get a half decent mic stand as well so you can place the mic exactly where you want.

Turn stuff down a bit. Have a listen to people like Gary Moore and some of the blues artists who actually use very little distortion but use their playing technique to get drive and balls out of their equipment. Less can be more.

Give it time! You will get better and better if you don't give up. You've done the right thing by posting your efforts here and you will improve with time and sweat and blood! Listen to the old farts like me and other experienced players and just enjoy yourself.

The palm muted part is gonna be hard to speed up tho, it's all downstrokes, but I'll try.

Palm muted downstrokes.. the force that drives metallica.. If you can play Master Of puppets and Battery Your good to go.. But man those things before the distorted guitar those whiney bends are Terrible! lol