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Stress Management: Reducing Stress by Being Assertive

Introduction

Poor communication is one of the
biggest causes of
stress at work and home. Being unable to talk about
your needs, concerns, and frustrations can create stress. Being assertive helps
you communicate without causing stress to yourself and others. Assertiveness is
a skill that you can learn and put into practice.

Key Points

Assertive communication means speaking up for
yourself in a thoughtful, tactful way. Being assertive helps you express
yourself about things that matter to you. This reduces stress by helping you
feel more in control of a situation.

You can use the assertiveness
ladder to practice assertive communication. Each letter in the word "LADDER"
stands for a step in the process. The ladder helps you define a problem,
describe it to others, and express your feelings.

Write out your
plan to be more assertive, and get comfortable with it. Practice it out loud so
you can hear what your assertive statements sound like.

To be more
assertive, you focus on what you say and how you say it. Using the right body
language helps you communicate more assertively.

Assertive
communication means speaking up for yourself in a thoughtful, tactful way. It's
one of the three main styles of communication. The other two are passive
communication and aggressive communication. If you are passive or aggressive,
you might get better results by trying to be assertive instead.

In
passive communication, you may not express your
opinions, feelings, and needs. You may be uncomfortable speaking your mind,
especially when you are with supervisors or people you see as important. When
you are passive, you don't take part in decisions that affect you, or you don't
take a stand on issues that are important to you. Being passive can make you
feel like you have no control over a situation. Feeling a lack of control leads
to stress.

In aggressive communication, you
honestly state your opinions, feelings, and needs, but you do it at the expense
of others. You may be seen as rude or demanding. And being aggressive often
offends others. Their negative reaction can lead to stress for everyone.

In assertive communication, you state your
opinions, feelings, and needs openly. You do this in a respectful, tactful, and
thoughtful way. In most cases, being assertive works better than being passive
or aggressive.

Test Your Knowledge

When I speak assertively, I state my feelings openly,
without being rude or demanding.

Being assertive
helps you communicate in a healthy way. It helps you stand up for yourself
without offending others. It helps you feel more in control of a situation.
When you are assertive, you take part in decisions that affect you. You have
the satisfaction of knowing that you can express your feelings and opinions
honestly with others. And being assertive can reduce stress.

There
are other benefits of assertive communication. You may:

Be more comfortable with supervisors at work.

Find that your views are more respected.

Be more
effective in having your needs met.

Feel more confident about
asking others for help.

Feel less angry toward
others.

Find that you are more comfortable with saying "no."

Test Your Knowledge

Being assertive can reduce stress by helping me feel
more in control of a situation.

To be more assertive,
you focus on what you say and how you say it. You can plan and practice how to
be more assertive using the assertiveness ladder. You can use the assertiveness
ladder at home or at work. Use the letters of the word "LADDER" to recall the
steps.

L:Look at your rights,
what you want, and what you need. Define what you want, and keep it in mind
during your discussion.

A:Arrange a time and place
to discuss the situation. You can skip this step if the situation isn't
planned, such as when you receive the wrong food at a restaurant.

D:Define the problem for
the other person. Don't assume the other person already knows about the
problem.

E:Express what you want or
need. Be specific, brief, and firm. For example, instead of asking your husband
to be "more considerate," ask him to call if he'll be more than 15 minutes
late.

R:Reinforce the idea of
getting what you want. Show the other person how your request might be good for
both of you.

How to use the assertiveness ladder:

Write out a plan, with one or two sentences
for each step on the "ladder."

Practice your step-by-step plan
alone, and get comfortable with it. You may find that it's easier to write your
plan than to practice it out loud. But you'll do better in the real situation
if you've heard yourself make these statements before.

Put your
plan into action in the real situation. Don't worry about all the details. Just
keep the main points in mind.

Using assertive body language

Body language is the
way you sit or stand, move, and use your eyes and hands when you speak.
Sometimes when you think you're speaking assertively, your body is sending a
different message. That message can get in the way of what you are trying to
say. Using the right body language helps you communicate more assertively. Try
these five tips:

Make eye contact with the person you're
talking to. Try to keep your facial expression open and
sincere.

Sit or stand up tall with a straight back. Speak clearly
and firmly.

Use your hands and facial expressions to highlight
your most important points.

Try not to sound as if you're asking
a question when you're not.

Don't use an apologetic tone of
voice.

You'll be more comfortable if you practice these rules
in front of a mirror. When you practice, you can also hear your tone of
voice.

Test Your Knowledge

One of the steps of the assertiveness ladder is to
describe my feelings using "you" statements.

One of the steps of the assertiveness ladder is
to describe your feelings using "I" statements. An "I" statement tells how you
feel without blaming someone else. For example, try saying "I'm feeling
frustrated" instead of "You frustrate me."

One of the steps of the assertiveness ladder is
to describe your feelings using "I" statements. An "I" statement tells how you
feel without blaming someone else. For example, try saying "I'm feeling
frustrated" instead of "You frustrate me."

I'll do my best in the real situation if I don't get
too comfortable with my plan. It's better to be fresh and unrehearsed.

Actually, you'll do better in the real
situation if you've heard yourself make these statements before. That's why
it's a good idea to get comfortable with your plan and practice it alone and
out loud.

You'll do better in the real situation if you
have heard yourself make your assertive statements before. That's why it's a
good idea to get comfortable with your plan and practice it alone and out
loud.

The way I "speak" with my body can help me communicate
assertively. One of the ways I can show assertive body language is to make eye
contact with the person I'm talking to.

Body language is the way you sit or stand, move,
and use your eyes and hands when you speak. One of the ways you can show
assertive body language is to make eye contact with the person you're talking
to.

Body language is the way you sit or stand, move,
and use your eyes and hands when you speak. One of the ways you can show
assertive body language is to make eye contact with the person you're talking
to.

This information does not replace the advice of a doctor. Healthwise, Incorporated disclaims any warranty or liability for your use of this information. Your use of this information means that you agree to the Terms of Use.