Not Thrilled?

Ok, my wife and I are about 13 weeks along (it'll be 14 tomorrow). We've had a few ultrasound and all signs point to a healthy baby. Of course, it's my first one and I'm just ecstatic about it. So are our parents. The issue is her.

See, she's not thrilled about it. She told me last night she just doesn't feel any sort of connection despite the fact we've seen it move and heard its heartbeat and all of that. I think she feels guilty because she's not absolutely flipped out happy that we're having a kid. She's 33 and a career girl, and I've just turned 40. I think it might be because it's something she has no control over. She's very control and goal oriented, and this is the first thing to come in a long time that she has no absolute control over. She doesn't want to tell the world because she doesn't want to fake being happy, and she doesn't want people worrying over her because she's not, and I respect that she can vocalize that. I think that once she starts feeling movement and we determine the gender next month, she'll be a little happier. I also think it will change for her once the baby comes.

Any of you guys deal with that? If you did, how did your wife/SO get over it? Anything I can do besides be supportive to help? She's not a horrible person and she feels really guilty that she's not over the moon. Anything you can pass on will help. Flame and receive in kind...

Ok, my wife and I are about 13 weeks along (it'll be 14 tomorrow). We've had a few ultrasound and all signs point to a healthy baby. Of course, it's my first one and I'm just ecstatic about it. So are our parents. The issue is her.

See, she's not thrilled about it. She told me last night she just doesn't feel any sort of connection despite the fact we've seen it move and heard its heartbeat and all of that. I think she feels guilty because she's not absolutely flipped out happy that we're having a kid. She's 33 and a career girl, and I've just turned 40. I think it might be because it's something she has no control over. She's very control and goal oriented, and this is the first thing to come in a long time that she has no absolute control over. She doesn't want to tell the world because she doesn't want to fake being happy, and she doesn't want people worrying over her because she's not, and I respect that she can vocalize that. I think that once she starts feeling movement and we determine the gender next month, she'll be a little happier. I also think it will change for her once the baby comes.

Any of you guys deal with that? If you did, how did your wife/SO get over it? Anything I can do besides be supportive to help? She's not a horrible person and she feels really guilty that she's not over the moon. Anything you can pass on will help. Flame and receive in kind...

My wife had a similar reaction (not excited) but for a different reason. We had a lot if issues (9 years of trying) with 1 miscarriage and a ruptures ectopic along the way. So I think it was just a defense mechanism for her. She did eventually get excited.

I would just let it be. People are just different some people are super excited. Others are not. And some are at different places on the spectrum and it changes over time. But trying to change it for her is just bound to backfire.

My wife had a similar reaction (not excited) but for a different reason. We had a lot if issues (9 years of trying) with 1 miscarriage and a ruptures ectopic along the way. So I think it was just a defense mechanism for her. She did eventually get excited.

I would just let it be. People are just different some people are super excited. Others are not. And some are at different places on the spectrum and it changes over time. But trying to change it for her is just bound to backfire.

I know this is 'dads corner' so I apologize for 'creeping'; but you just described me to a tee ;) we have a 5 year old daughter, and I did not enjoy pregnancy or the baby stage, so I DEFINITELY understand your wife's feelings. And yes, just be as supportive as you can without doing a lot of 'it'll be so worth it' and blah blah blah. We are 17 weeks pregnant with a little boy and I am still not thrilled about the next few stages. This parenting thing really clicked for me when my daughter was 6 months old, and becoming more than a blob. Don't get me wrong; I have ALWAYS loved her, but I really started to enjoy being a mom at that point. When your wife gives birth and BECOMES a mother, she will feel better. I struggle with the guilt daily; I work as a hairstylist so I talk to ALOT of people everyday, and they are all THRILLED that we are pregnant. That's hard to deal with when I'm not. My husband just reminds me that I have NEVER been a 'baby' person; (even still), and that I'm a great mom no matter how I feel about pregnancy. Good luck, and congrats!!!

I know this is 'dads corner' so I apologize for 'creeping'; but you just described me to a tee ;) we have a 5 year old daughter, and I did not enjoy pregnancy or the baby stage, so I DEFINITELY understand your wife's feelings. And yes, just be as supportive as you can without doing a lot of 'it'll be so worth it' and blah blah blah. We are 17 weeks pregnant with a little boy and I am still not thrilled about the next few stages. This parenting thing really clicked for me when my daughter was 6 months old, and becoming more than a blob. Don't get me wrong; I have ALWAYS loved her, but I really started to enjoy being a mom at that point. When your wife gives birth and BECOMES a mother, she will feel better. I struggle with the guilt daily; I work as a hairstylist so I talk to ALOT of people everyday, and they are all THRILLED that we are pregnant. That's hard to deal with when I'm not. My husband just reminds me that I have NEVER been a 'baby' person; (even still), and that I'm a great mom no matter how I feel about pregnancy. Good luck, and congrats!!!

Yes I am a mom but just one little thing to recomend and I am prego with twins and in the beginning was very very depressed I was recommended a book called the greatest pregnancy ever and its to help mom bond with baby inside I unfortunately have a 2 yr with the stomach flu so have not gotten far in the book but hight trust the lady that recommended it she's like my second mom, a yoga instructor and also a dula hope this helps and good luck to you both

Yes I am a mom but just one little thing to recomend and I am prego with twins and in the beginning was very very depressed I was recommended a book called the greatest pregnancy ever and its to help mom bond with baby inside I unfortunately have a 2 yr with the stomach flu so have not gotten far in the book but hight trust the lady that recommended it she's like my second mom, a yoga instructor and also a dula hope this helps and good luck to you both

My wife's gone through ups and downs with it. She's had two prior miscarriages and so some of it is not wanting to get too connected, only to lose the baby again. Her attitude also varies depending on her mood, and how things are going between the two of us. She disconnects from the whole thing more when we're stressed or there's an argument, etc...

Pregnancy is not too fun for a woman, I can understand her not being thrilled...I know I wouldn't be feeling to excited about having a cantaloupe sized growth in my belly, right about now.

We're having our anatomy ultrasound on Monday and I expect that if everything looks good there, she's going to find it a lot easier.

My wife's gone through ups and downs with it. She's had two prior miscarriages and so some of it is not wanting to get too connected, only to lose the baby again. Her attitude also varies depending on her mood, and how things are going between the two of us. She disconnects from the whole thing more when we're stressed or there's an argument, etc...

Pregnancy is not too fun for a woman, I can understand her not being thrilled...I know I wouldn't be feeling to excited about having a cantaloupe sized growth in my belly, right about now.

We're having our anatomy ultrasound on Monday and I expect that if everything looks good there, she's going to find it a lot easier.

sorry another woman creeping, but in my experince women who "mourn" the changes this early on go on to be amazing moms and adjust better to the challanges because they are not being delusional. this idea that women become moms as soon as there prego and dads becomes dads right after birth is hog wash, its an ongoing evelution. Im 32 unplanned and love my job, I hated when I first found out and people said congrats cause I felt bad not being excited, now ar 20 weeks Im starting to like it, some may take longer. she will come around, sounds like your super supportive so that will help alot.

sorry another woman creeping, but in my experince women who "mourn" the changes this early on go on to be amazing moms and adjust better to the challanges because they are not being delusional. this idea that women become moms as soon as there prego and dads becomes dads right after birth is hog wash, its an ongoing evelution. Im 32 unplanned and love my job, I hated when I first found out and people said congrats cause I felt bad not being excited, now ar 20 weeks Im starting to like it, some may take longer. she will come around, sounds like your super supportive so that will help alot.

Angrist, I apologize for all the women who are posting to you. I know you came here to talk to other guys and look for support. My wife was not excited in the beginning either. She kept thinking about how her whole life was going to change how she was having to sacrifice her body etc. As she got further along in her pregnancy she got more excited. Don't try to rush her in to feeling excited. Let her come around on her own. She may feel more excited when she starts feeling her baby move. When she finally gets to meet her baby she will be excited as well. Just be supportive and be there when she needs you. Hope this helps. Good luck

Angrist, I apologize for all the women who are posting to you. I know you came here to talk to other guys and look for support. My wife was not excited in the beginning either. She kept thinking about how her whole life was going to change how she was having to sacrifice her body etc. As she got further along in her pregnancy she got more excited. Don't try to rush her in to feeling excited. Let her come around on her own. She may feel more excited when she starts feeling her baby move. When she finally gets to meet her baby she will be excited as well. Just be supportive and be there when she needs you. Hope this helps. Good luck

The material on this website is provided for educational purposes only and is not to be used for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, or in place of therapy or medical care. Use of this site is subject to our terms of use and privacy policy

Advertising Notice

This Site and third parties who place advertisements on this Site may collect and use information about your visits to this Site and other websites in order to provide advertisements about goods and services of interest to you. If you would like to obtain more information about these advertising practices and to make choices about online behavioral advertising, please click here