How
do I prevent my son's biological father from coming
back into ours lives? I have moved my son across
the continent from San Diego to the Carolinas
out of desperation when the"father" returned from
abandoning us during pregnancy and began his terrorization
all over again.

We
first moved when my son was 7 months old, with
the abuser's written "permission," and the
judges having humiliated him in court when I established
paternity. We were not comfortable in the South,
so my son and I moved after his first birthday
to Santa Fe. Over the next two years, the Child
Support Enforcement counselors sent us to San
Diego two times, each time to accomplish a small
mission for them so that they could "get our child
support case moving."

The
second time we went to San Diego, the abuser and
the court personnel pulled strange and destructive
games with our lives, altering facts, not allowing
documents which proved abuse and abandonment to
be admitted so the judge could read them, lawyers
doing horrible things, everyone around us telling
lies. My little boy ended up being forced to spend
three days per week with the violent creep, I
spent a few nights in my car and most of that
year and a half on stranger's floors, traumatized
and unable to get my son and I back home. The
people were so evil that they were attempting
to give the perpetrator full custody of my son,
and he ended up taking my son to an undisclosed
location and getting full custody with the decision-making.
Since he did not pay any of the support, the other
courts finally were enabled to order, and a new
lawyer made a deal with him to let us go home
if we reduced the support to $250.00.

The
new lawyer made some potentially fatal mistakes,
however, by miswriting the stipulations I had
requested, and the "father" now has the idea that
my son will start inter-state visitations next
year when he turns eight. This man recently called
me at work, and I am shaking and having nightmares.
I had these symptoms and ominous portents of danger
before going to San Diego the second time, after
the CSE advised me to return to file for support
there, and I attempted to make them understand
the danger. I had nightmares about the father
taking my son and lying to authorities who chased
me and I tried to get strangers to open their
doors and hide my baby and me. It came true. The
dreams I am having now are of the perpetrator
disabling me and showing up everywhere I turn,
no one helping me, and finally the dream ends
with the perpetrator breaking my hand and wrist
so that I can no longer hold on to my son. I feel
that the perpetrator is plotting to ruin and corrupt
our lives again now.

Desperate
fear and poverty have been destroying my life
off and on ever since meeting that animal 11 years
ago. Do my son and I have rights? Can he pull
the same things over and over again, make claims
on my son? Can my son and I ever get out of the
financial struggle were in so that we can get
this nightmare out of our lives forever?

I
am tired of having the true horror minimalized,
the accountability not made, the blame going to
the victims, and the threat of continued control
simply due to the biological link to a child and
the mother of that child, and the lack of financial
resources to make a change and get our lives back
once and for all. Where are the laws that will
allow us to live our lives freely? Also, I took
on weekend work in order to make rent for a one-bedroom
so that my son and I would not have to go through
roommate scenes. Now that I have just enough money
to cover basic survival, I no longer qualify for
financial assistance for after-school care and
summer camp!

Assistance
for gas/electric bills is now denied even without
the extra weekend income! I earned $16,600.00
last year. My parents and all relatives except
for one brother are deceased, and I am not interested
in relationships. As you can guess, most mothers
have help from the family or boyfriends and share
expenses, also under-the-table money. They can
go to Europe every summer, have their cars given
to them, share cost of rent, and have people watch
their kids for free, and yet they qualify for
assistance while I don't.

Thank
you,
Yvette

Dear
Yvette,

I recently learned about Justice
for Children, a Texas-based group that takes
on child advocacy and/or represents the children,
which seems to be the best route since that is
the court's priority anyway - i.e. what is in
the child's best interest. In your case, hopefully
they will understand that both adequate support
and supervised visitations or no visitations are
in the best interest of your child. This organization
is certainly more expert than I, so I suggest
that you start there. If they aren't able to help
you, certainly write back and I can make other
suggestions. I hope that you and your son find
the justice that you need and deserve.