“I AGREE” to sharing your views, news and social cues with Josh Freed Analytica — and you may “occasionally” be sent a targeted column, commentary or fake news story aimed especially at you.

For instance, if you’re still reading after that first silly paragraph, we know a lot about your sense of humour — and we’ll send you non-stop online pop-up ads for silly books.

If you’re already clicking to the next article in disgust, we know other things about you — but we don’t have to reveal what. To find out more, consult our 1,473-page Privacy Policy at www. Incomprehensible.fineprint@legal.wesueyou.com

This week we learned Facebook allowed the personal data of more than 50 million people to be used by a firm sending out fake news ads for the Trump campaign.

But pretty much everything we do online is used, analyzed and sold to someone.

Google answers every question I desire, but in exchange they know all my desires: where I hope to holiday; what music, celebrities and TV shows I like; whether I read history, biology or pornology.

Amazon knows my clothing and gadget tastes — which is why I still get 50 pop-up ads a week for moustache trimmers, months after I bought one.

Nothing matches Facebook, which owns all the personal data of its 2 billion “friends” — who have lovingly shared their favourite photos, films, activities and romantic proclivities with other friends online.

All so Facebook can sell the information to advertisers, politicians — or Russia.

But in return Facebook makes sure you never forget one of your 731 friends’ birthdays. Big Daddy Data knows everything — and never forgets

Hey you! — the one in Montreal who just stopped reading this column online at the 11th paragraph. We spotted that and we’re adding it to your file.

We already know where your spouse shops, which school your kids attend and when your grass gets too long (so we can send you a lawnmower ad.)

Even using Google Maps leaves a data crumb trail of where you’re going, when you’ve arrived and maybe even who you’re with — if their phone is at the same location as your phone.

Not too long ago, people hired private detectives to spy on us and unearth our most intimate details, But nowadays we spy on ourselves and voluntarily broadcast those details.

The Cambridge Analytica scandal has added a spooky new wrinkle to online surveillance.

It turns out data algorithm experts were using our countless Facebook “likes” to detect our subtle sexual, religious and political preferences — with more accuracy than our best friends can.

Then they sold off 50 million users to the Trump campaign to target with personalized fake news ads. It turns out that if you hate Bjork’s music, Salvador Dali and jogging — you’re a good target for an NRA pro-Trump ad.

So what can we do to protect our private information? We could all abandon Facebook and switch to Instagram, or WhatsApp — oops — Facebook owns them, too.

We could just pull the plug and join the movement to #DeleteFacebook, as some Montrealers have in the last week. But then logically, we should #DeleteAmazon and #DeleteExpedia and #DeleteGoogle — and go back to using telephone books and sending hand-written notes to friends.

We can also hope for more honest, transparent online companies that just charge us fees for their services — and don’t collect, analyze and sell our personal information.

Experts say that for an $85 annual user fee, Facebook could make just as much money as now. But that would mean treating us like valued, paying customers — rather than a product they’re selling to others.

Sorry, we know those last paragraphs were fact-filled and maybe dull, but the fact you’re still with us reveals you’re a patient, stubborn reader — so we’re sending some “Great Heavy Lumber Book Recommendations” just for you.

Unfortunately, companies like Facebook, Amazon and Google are too big to quail in the face of a few million disgruntled customers.

They need government regulation.

That’s why under European laws, your private data always belongs to you — and you have the right to see it, have it erased and be “forgotten.”

But here in North America, that’s as likely as Donald Trump acting presidential, or using actual facts.

Until then, the best you can do is remember that Facebook isn’t your friend, and Google isn’t just a search engine. Using them is free — but they’re free to do what they want with your personal data.

If you liked this column please click “like”. But you don’t have to — not liking it tells us just as much about you and we will happily pass that on, too.

If you’re a print reader, don’t worry. We have other ways of finding you.

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