(Closed) I cant pay for it all, and i cant downgrade.

I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place here… My fiance left for basic training two weeks ago and had been having trouble with keeping a job for about a month before that. We were financially stable before he got laid off and now i’ve been trying to pay the bills with only my paycheck.. there is barely enough left to keep milk and bread in the house if i even get to pay all the bills.

I had booked and paid deposits on all my vendors and i cant back out now, but i’m worried i wont be able to pay them!

I am paying for the wedding myself and i am only getting money from anyone else for the rehearsal dinner…. when i should be making payments on the food, the photographer, the DJ, and maybe buying my fiance a wedding band? (i thought it would be a good idea for him to have one, dont you think?)

what the heck am i supposed to do?!

edited to add: I am already having the smallest guest list i can have, family and a few friends (100-130 people) and i have actually cut down my bills by cutting off my cable, turning off my iphone service, i now use prepaid, and doing anything i can to compensate the fact that im supporting 3 people on 1 persons wages.

I’m not sure what you currently have, but you could cut or downgrade internet and cable if you’re not in a contract. You could try to sell stuff on ebay or take a second job (maybe babysitting or tutoring).

Also, you could just let go of the deposit for the DJ and have an ipod and a let a family member or friend emcee the night.

You say you can’t downgrade but I don’t understand why not. Can you have the photographer for just the ceremony instead of the whole day, change to a lesser package? Can you change the food options or not host drinks (if that was in your first plan)? Can FI help at all? Also, what kind of deposits did you put down? Our DJ for example only required 10% down and I would feel better losing 10% and having a lap top for music than going into debt over the DJ.

I think the wedding band should be your first priority as it will be the one thing that will remain after the day. From there, I think you should reevaluate and talk to vendors to see what services can be reduced. Usually photographers charge by the hour. Also, consider what “extras” you could cut out (favors, linen rentals, etc.). Lastly, I would suggest considering what the final cost will be and what you can realistically afford. IF the difference is something you could pay back within a month or two, I would just charge it. I know it is taboo to charge weddings but if you can pay it back the next month then you are not paying interest and just buying a bit of time (providing you don’t have a current balance). I am fine with charging something I know I can pay back in full before getting hit with interest. However, I’m generally v. conservative with finances and don’t carry a credit card balance from month to month.

As a final alternative, can you pick up part time work like babysitting or tutoring (it is exam season you may find some local college or high school students willing to pay)? Sell some things you don’t use on ebay? Change your spending habits, don’T go out to eat more than once a month, don’t buy any clothes, etc- It sounds drastic but it’s nly for a couple of months and will make you realize you have perfectly good clothes at home. Even if you make/save $50 bucks that could cover your groceries for two weeks.

I think losing deposits is better than owing money that you don’t have. If you don’t have the money, you don’t have it, plain and simple. You can barely put milk on the table! No wedding is worth that. Since your SO is in the military, chances are you’ll have this problem a lot. Enlisted guys don’t make very much money until they hit sargent type ranks…and supporting 4 people on those salaries is very tight.

I really have nothing more to add. I whole heartedly agree with ejs on this one. You can always have a wedding later on when your financial status is more stable. If you really want to get married go to the JOP and have an intimate dinner afterwards. Choosing a wedding over financial stability especially when kids are involved is not really a good choice. It’s really never a good time to struggle.

my FI hasnt gotten paid yet. He has gone in at E-3 and will be a 2LT when he graduates basic bc he goes straight to officer training. BUT, he hasnt gotten paid in over a month and i’ve been told not to expect pay out of him for another 6-8 weeks… by then my bills could be behind and i may lose my babysitter.. I cannot work a second job. I work for state government and work 12 hour shifts every week My days off are used to make sure i dont have to pay $300 a week for a babysitter.

My DJ and Photographer required 50% down. that would be why i cant back out or downgrade. i’d be losing $250 on the DJ and $600 on the photographer and $750 on the venue.

has anyone had this situation and been able to haggle with their vendors?

Can you talk to them about deferring payment, stating problems with paychecks in the military? Tell them your FI is in basic and they can pay him in 2 months? THey likely will be okay with it. People tend to be compassionate with military personnel.

I’m confused as to why he’s a private right now going through basic and then jumping straight into OCS. Officers don’t need to do basic training….and going green to gold is really quite rare. If he’s got a degree, which is required for officership, why’s he doing basic?!?!?! What a pain!!! I’m just confused b/c I’ve never heard of anyone doing this. Just make sure he’s actually got the right information.

I would talk to the vendors and see if you can work out some sort of payment plan, like monthly installments or something like that. They might be understanding and be willing to work with you. I”m sure they’d rather find a way to make sure they get all of their money versus only getting the deposit that you already paid. And I agree with @slicey19 regarding cutting out other things, like programs, favors, menus, OOT welcome bags, etc.

I know the deposits are a lot, but if I were you I might consider losing them. How much do you plan your wedding to cost total? If it is much more than you paid in deposits, it isn’t worth cutting off your nose despite your face…

I’d pull the military card with the vendors, and express my disappointment for failing to support the troops if they won’t work with you on refunding part of the deposit, or at least working out a payment plan.

It sounds like in 6-8 weeks the money will be flowing again and things will be back to normal. Talk to your vendors and explain the temporary gap in your FI’s income. If they have any heart, they’ll understand and give you an extension. Also, see if you can downgrade to a smaller package with the same vendors, so you keep the deposits you already made, but the deposits you have to make from here on out will be smaller because the total price decreased. For example, my DJ offers a $600 package and an $800 package.