Category: Spouses & Partners

Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.

(The theme park I work for is testing a new wristband system. Instead of having to carry key cards for the hotel room, guests get wristbands that will unlock their doors, and they can also be used to charge purchases to their bill. Certain VIP members get to test them early, and get some extra perks with them. I am helping a family check in.)

Me: “Here are your wristbands!”

Mom: “Can we get ones like theirs? I want a pink one and so does my daughter.”

(She points to some people checking in with my coworker. VIP testers receive a different design on the band, and also get to pick from a list of colors. Current guests only get black or light gray.)

Me: “Sorry. ma’am, those aren’t available to everyone yet. The colorful ones are only offered to park members right now.”

(Park members are usually wealthy families who live close by and come to the parks at least once a month. The expensive dues aren’t really worth it for tourists who only visit occasionally. Normally I would try to explain this to her, but I’m frustrated at how she’s treating me.)

Me: “Oh, you want to be a park member? Let me help you sign up! Your dues are $XXXX a year; I can either bill that fee to your room or you can pay right now with the card I have on file. Here’s your paperwork. You’re welcome to fill it out at your own pace and bring it back to any cast member at the check-in desk when you’re ready.”

Mom:*screams loudly and storms out of the hotel*

(The dad watches her leave, then sadly shakes his head.)

Dad: “This is supposed to help us fix our marriage.”

(I later see him and the daughter out in the lobby playing. He waves me over.)

Dad: “My wife decided to fly home because, according to her, you ruined the vacation. She threatened to call your boss. Are you going to get in trouble?”

Me: “Probably not, sir. I did exactly what she asked, which was to sign her up for the park membership. My coworker will be happy to back up my story.”

Dad: “Good. I’ve decided to go through with the divorce. I’m thankful she–” *motions to daughter* “–is too young to understand.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do to make your stay exceptional.”

(I gave him my supervisor’s contact information. Once they left for the day, I arranged to have a small basket of treats and toys for him and his daughter to be delivered to the room. I received a glowing report from him, which helped me receive a raise! He also had some flowers delivered to the front desk of the hotel for all of the staff to admire.)

(One evening an elderly man comes up to the service desk asking where to find a packet of dried cheese. He insists the cheese is for popcorn and that he knows his wife, who is away visiting family for a few weeks, has purchased it at our store. After a search, I suggest that the next time he is in he could bring the old packet with him and maybe then we can help him find it. He leaves immediately and returns 15 minutes later and comes right up to the service desk.)

Customer: “Had to get it out of the trash, but I found it!” *he holds up a crumpled packet of cheese sauce mix from a box of macaroni and cheese, which as a student I was very familiar with*

Me:*trying not to laugh* “Sir, I’m pretty sure that’s from a macaroni and cheese dinner package.”

Customer: “Well, if it is, that’s what I want. They discontinued the popcorn cheese I liked and I didn’t like any of the others until she found this one. I’ll go get a box and see.”

(He leaves to do his shopping and I don’t see him again until he stops by the service desk on his way out. He smiles as he holds up a new packet of cheese sauce mix.)

Customer: “Thank you for your help! I’ll have to ask her what she does with the macaroni part.”

(I work in the fraud detection department for a major credit union. My job involves making outbound calls to customers to verify out of pattern transactions that have generally already been confirmed to be fraud by our system and closing the card once the customer has been contacted.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] with [Credit Union]. May I please speak with Mr. [Customer]?”

Wife: “He’s my husband; he’s not here right now. Do you want to leave a message?”

(I see the wife isn’t on the account so legally I cannot give her any information.)

Me: “We just need to verify some information with him. Can you ask him to give us a call back?”

Wife: “Well, I don’t know. Have you seen him recently?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Wife: “He hasn’t been home in two months. I think he might be dead. Have you seen him?”

(A married couple are checking out at my till. I’ve scanned everything that they’ve placed on the counter, and I have the total ready for them. All that’s left is for them to pay, and for me to give them their receipt.)

Wife: “Hold on a sec. I need to check something out.”

(The wife walks away from the till to do some more shopping. Her husband and I are just standing at the till, dumbfounded. Seconds turned into minutes, with no conclusion in sight.)