So you-a living, breathing consumer of the internet-are probably curious about who this Rose Hanbury, the subject of spring 2019's most salacious rumor, really is. I get it. But before I go full internet explainer on ya, here's a brief refresher on WTF is even happening.

On the fated day of March 23, The Sunclaimed that Kate had a falling out with Rose, an allegation the Duchess was NOT pleased about-she reportedly even "considered legal action" against the paper. While the tabloid didn't explicitly touch on the cheating claims because they're clearly the very definition of fake news, they did report that Kate asked Prince William to have Rose “phased out” of their friend group.

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Then, American tabloid In Touch *went there,*reporting that William may have had an affair with Rose, which Kate had supposedly confronted him about. And on top of that, writer Nicole Cliffe tweeted a thread breaking down all the layers to these rumors, and it promptly went viral. Which brings us back to Rose, the woman at the center of this B.S. story. Here's her deal.

She Has an Impossible-to-Pronounce Title

Rose is the Marchioness of Cholmondeley! Now, take one guess at how to pronounce that. Nope, WRONG. It's somehow, inexplicably pronounced "Chumley" and I'm still waiting for an explanation.

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Her Husband Is Older...and Very Rich

Rose is married to David George Philip Cholmondeley, the 7th Marquess of Cholmondeley, who's also been known to go by the Viscount Malpas, the Earl of Rocksavage, and the Lord Great Chamberlain of the United Kingdom. Like, if you can't tell from all these, um, casual titles, but dude is Downton-Abbey-levels of extra.

David, 58, also happens to be a filmmaker, but I promise you've never seen or heard of any of his movies so let's not even get into it. His taste in shoes, however, I'd very much like to get into:

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She Puts the "Rural" in Rural Rival

So, apparently Rose and David live just a few miles from Anmer Hall, Kate and William’s country home. Rose and David's place is also a hall (Houghton Hall, to be exact) but it makes Anmer Hall look like a barn. Houghton Hall has been the ancestral home of the Marquesses of Cholmondeley for-ev-er, and you can legit go visit thanks to some of the rooms being open to the public.

The house is also known for its art collection, and in 1994, the Cholmondeleys sold a bunch of its pictures, furniture, and objets d'art for $23 million at auction to fund an endowment for maintaining the estate. Of course, this isn't their only home. Don't be crazy. They also own a castle.

In any case, Rose is super active on the official Houghton Hall Instagram, and often posts glamorous shots of herself:

She's a Former Model

David married Rose in 2009 when she was just 25, working as a fashion model turned researcher. But make no mistake: her background is also very posh. Rose's maternal grandmother is Lady Elizabeth Lambart, who happens to be the daughter of the 10th Earl of Cavan. Add if you're looking for a royal connection, Lady Elizabeth Lambart was one of Queen Elizabeth's bridesmaids.

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She Has Three Very Cute Kids

Rose and David have twin sons named Alexander Hugh George and Oliver Timothy George, and thanks to being ever-so-slightly older, Alexander is the heir apparent to the Marquessate and gets the title Earl of Rocksavage. Meanwhile, his brother is a mere Lord. HOW SAD. Oh, and in 2016 Rose and David welcomed a daughter named Lady Iris Marina Aline Cholmondeley. She's adorable:

Kate and Rose Are Patrons of the Same Charity

Kay, so here's where the "rival" part of "rural rival" comes in. Apparently, Rose and Kate are both patrons of the EACH charity. Which is great, and honestly it is possible for two women to help other people without fighting about it, you guys!

And while wrapping this up, can I just take a moment to point out that David is legit friends with the Middletons? Here he is walking to church in Sandringham with Kate's mom, Carol: