One girl's twistedly fantastic interpretation of what the hell is really going on in those tribes.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Alicia: Dirty Pillows

The winter of our discontent is fluttering to an end and the jungle, the heat, it is a-callin'. Toss your mittens into the wind, your long underwear into the fire, and let's get ready to frolic with our panties hanging loose and our hair in a mass of tangles. I'm back bitches so let's get this show on the road and meet the unfortunate souls we'll be making fun of for the next 85 weeks (I don't care what you say. Survivor, to me, is always 85 weeks long).

First up is Alica Rosa. Alicia is a 25 year old from Chicago, Illinois and suffers from body dysmorphia in that she thinks those knockers will fit into that particular bikini top. Bountifully big bosomed, Alicia is a Special Ed teacher who has yet to find anyone in this world to inspire her. No one is her hero. No one is her guru. Lonely and lost, as the elastic in her bra cries out in pain, she navigates through life hither and thither, confident that one day she'll serve to inspire others. And maybe she will. Who am I to say? Let's meet these chesticles, I mean Alicia. To the video!

Motorboat. Bbbbblllllrrrr! *jiggle jiggle*

I'm not sure what I expected, but that wasn't it? She's self aware yet mildly quirky? Confident, but self deprecating? I'm surprised she's not from New Jersey? Girls who turns sentences into questions are, as a rule, annoying, but to her credit "ah-lee-see-ah" only did it for the first half of her interview. Furrowed brow, burnt sienna skin, Alicia teeters dangerously on that thin line between charming and awful. If she topples over on the side of charming, I can see her lasting a few weeks, but if she falls jugs first into the face of awfulness, it'll be an early exit with only a couple of holes in the sand to remind us that she was ever there at all. Which way to you think she'll go?

I'm really not sure on this one, Colette. I'm willing to give her a chance. Her laugh seemed a little annoying, but I have hope that perhaps she's got some brains and is willing and able to manipulate.