Scientists Discover Something Terribly Wrong With Time

Houston, TX-- A stunning disclosure from NASA today is confirming what most people already know--time passes much more quickly than it used to. Astronauts left very precise clocks on the moon during the late 1960's and early 1970's to test how time passes. All the lunar clocks are showing the same date--October 22, 1986. NASA says that date is correct and the last 25 years never happened at all!

"The passage of time is both objective and subjective to humans." stated famed astronomer Dr. Karl Saygun. "Objectively, we all know that it is late March 2012. Subjectively, we don't really believe it. How could so much time have gone by!" he asked rhetorically.

Because the lunar clocks are completely objective, scientists around the world are setting their clocks--and calendars--all the way back to late 1986.

"It's really a relief to find out that it's still 1986.' said Dr. Saygun. "All that has happened since 1986, in our own lives and in world history, has never happened. It's all some kind of illusion--but a very persistent one." he stated.

The good news is that anyone who has died since 1986 is really still alive. The bad news is that anyone born since 1986 really doesn't exist--it's all just a fantasy.

"If you still believe it's 2012, then you need to see a psychiatrist." said Dr. Saygun. "If you still believe you are reading this on the Internet you are wrong. You are hallucinating. The Internet hasn't been invented yet."

Dr. Saygun said he has personal reasons to be very happy with the new discovery about time.

"I died--or will die--in 1992. So glad it's not 2012!"

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