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Monday, August 25, 2014

The Florida Heat Comes Inside

Last week was the week for gremlins, not that car of the
sixties or seventies, but those tiny little creatures that like to sneak in and
tear up perfectly fine machines. Friday morning, while taking Char to work, the
electrical system of the new van decided to shut our van down. I couldn’t
switch gears. I couldn’t steer. I couldn’t even get the key out of the
ignition. We called the warranty people and had it towed for repairs. They
don’t work weekends like the rest of the universe, so we’re still waiting.

Saturday night, the toilet in the master bedroom decided it
didn’t like its job anymore and walked out in the middle of a job. I popped the
lid to see if I could coax it back to work However, I noticed this wasn’t your
basic toilet employee, but rather a CEO-like contraption, where you have to
lift the lever for number one and lower it for number two. I suppose it is
meant to save water, but it made it impossible for a quick fix until another
part could be purchased. I ripped it out and put a new old-fashioned system in.
If I want to save water, I’ll do what my dad did and put a brick in the tank so
less water is required to fill it.

However, the break down that hurt the worse and caused the
most distraction occurred Saturday morning when our air conditioning gave up
the ghost. The morning started off normal. Well, not exactly normal. You see,
it was Teri’s birthday weekend, so the girls and I pried ourselves out of bed
at five-frickin’-thirty in the morning and drove over to the beach to watch the
sun rise. For those of you who have never ventured out this early for the sole
purpose of watching the sun wake up, I think it’s high time you did. Sunrises
and sunsets are never the same and always take your breath away while capturing
the heart. It was a gorgeous way to start the day. At least we started well.

Afterwards, we ventured to a small café on the beach for
breakfast and mimosas. Nothing says it’s going to be a great day like alcohol
for breakfast. Or perhaps this was just some liquid fortitude for the day
ahead. I should have started with whisky. Either way, it wasn’t a bad
beginning. It was when we returned home that things began to take a turn for
the worse.

I’m not sure what you keep your air conditioner set at, but
during the day ours is at 78 degrees, because the girls would kill me if it was
any higher, electric bill be damned. At night, we keep it a little lower,
because we like it colder while we sleep. This past Saturday, however, after we
returned home from our morning excursion, we noticed the temperature in the
house was at eighty-one. Just looking at that giant number made me break out in
a sweat. Then, when I remembered we had 30 people coming over that night for
Teri’s birthday party, I began to melt, I wanted to soak myself in the ALS Ice
Bucket Challenge.

We were already scheduled to attend Char and Sarah’s company
picnic and then we had reservations for dinner with six of our friends. I
didn’t have time for this! I am too busy for a mechanical failure.

I turned several buttons, including flipping the breakers
off and then on again–my version of kicking it. It wasn’t frozen, so I was
hoping it just needed a reset of sorts. We crossed our fingers and went to the
girls’ company picnic. Whoever has company picnics in August should really have
their positions reconsidered. While the event was well planned and a lot of
fun, standing outside in ninety-six degree weather is not a way to build
company morale. At least not my morale.

As we neared the front door upon our return home; we were
praying to the air condition gods that it was working.

It wasn’t.

We knew the minute we opened the door as a wall of hot,
humid air greeted us. This day was taking a drastic turn. I would rather be too
cold than too hot, because, as my mother always said, “I can always put more
clothes on. You can only take so much off.”

The human Foosball table.

A quick call went out to the A/C guy with much begging and
pleading. He was there in fifteen minutes and in another thirty the air kicked
on. There was great rejoicing in the land. We watched as the thermostat went
from 87 degrees down to 86 and then to 85. It was working! Just the fact that
it had started dropping seemed to cool us off and raise our spirits. We went
about our business, getting showered and dressed for dinner.

Oyster shots with vodka

After a while, when it should have reached 78 by my
calculations, I checked it. It was still at 85. It shouldn’t have been at 85.
Then I watched as it climbed to 86 and then to 87. Moods darkened like storm
clouds as another call went out. And a text message. No answers came back. We
didn’t have time to listen even if they had as we were supposed to be somewhere
at 5:30. At least the car had air conditioning and, hopefully, the restaurant.
We left the unit on in case the guy returned while we were at dinner and once
again prayed.

The air conditioning gods are stubborn gods.

At this point, with thirty people about to swarm our 2,000
square foot oven, there was nothing to do except throw open the windows, turn
the fans on high, and smile big.

It has a tough job ahead of it

The party was still a great success. People mingled, we took
dips in the pool, and drank. A lot. By the time the last person left at 2:30,
it was still hot, but we were too exhausted to care. We had pulled together and
not only survived the day, but also thrived throughout the night. Sunday, a
friend brought over and installed a portable air unit, so we were able to have
one room that was kept semi-cool. We spent the day in the pool and out by the
grill, every once in a while popping into that cool sanctuary for a brief
respite from the heat. We love Florida and can usually deal with the heat, but
that’s because we have the interiors to escape to when the exterior world
becomes a sweat rag. We love being outside. We just need to know that there is
an escape possible once in a while.

As I said, we not only survived, we also thrived. When
tempers became frayed, one of us would pull the others back with a smile. We all had our moments of impatience and
tension due to the heat, but overall we made the best of a miserable situation,
because, as they say, “misery loves company.” Yet, when you love the company
you are with, misery becomes joy, even sweaty joy. Surround yourself with
loyal, loving people and you’ll always make it out of any situation. I am
blessed to be surrounded by the best.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

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About Robbie

The Mess That Is Me is merely my unique observations that sometimes find themselves hiding in the dark corners of a twisted mind. It is a sampling of what clutters my desk and fills the manila envelopes that find their way to editors In-boxes. If you enjoy what you read, please share the URL.

I live in sunny Florida where I spend my days taxiing the family to various places while jotting down the many crazy thoughts inside my head. I enjoy a freelance career writing for several magazines sharing some of my interesting viewpoints on life and those around me. I can usually be found on my back porch watching the squirrels chittering at the birds while enjoying a cigar, a scotch, and the many characters that talk to me inside my head.

My manuscripts have appeared in religious, parenting and retirement magazines, along with a ghost story or two. I am the author of the short story, Circle of Justice and the novella, Reaping the Harvest, both of which can be found at Smashwords.com, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon. Feel free to visit, strike up a chat and share a story or two with me.