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Ketchup & Pregnancy Tests

A few weeks ago, I took a pregnancy test. Is that a weird way to start a blogpost? It's not like I haven't taken them before or anything... I have. It's just that usually I figure that they are going to come out negative. This time I wasn't sure. Because I was late. Like five days late. Which never happens to me.

So I had to buy a pregnancy test.

This is the most awkward experience for me. I don't know why this is just such a point for me. I hate buying pregnancy tests. I feel like everyone is looking at me and thinking that I look young and wondering.... and when they see that pregnancy test, it's like I am skywriting to everyone, "I HAD UNPROTECTED SEX."

In my mind, the lady at the counter comes over the loudspeaker and says to the entire store, "Ladies and gentlemen, we have a young lady on aisle four buying a pregnancy test. She's had unprotected sex. UNPROTECTED SEX." And I am feeling everyone's eyes on me, and I want to shout back, "I'm married!! I'm in a monogamous relationship!" But then I realize that no one has come over the loudspeaker and no is actually starring at me.

Despite all these things, I can never go in and just purchase a pregnancy test. I have to purchase something else with it. Last time it was a bag of flour. This time it was ketchup. Ketchup and a pregnancy test. The weirdest two items I could possibly purchase together, but there is was. I chose to go through self check out because I was not having an anxiety attack over what the person was thinking about me.

And so I came home. I peed on the stick and I waited for the line. And that little test told me I wasn't pregnant. Which I probably already knew...but for some reason, this pregnancy test was different for me. The fact that it said not pregnant wasn't really as triumphant as it had been in the past. I wasn't sure I "won" anything.

Sure, the timing wouldn't have been perfect. Sure, a part of me was happy that I could live to see more days of sleeping in...but another part of me wanted to be taken by surprise to the next phase because I know that I just can't bring myself to pull the pregnancy trigger on my own. At least not yet.