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Saturday, 10 November 2012

Mentoring, learning and yes late to the party, a twist on loving a lurker

So I missed Love a lurker day, so im going to just go with if your a lurker and you want to say hi, feel free anytime to or not, this is a nice community (and thats how i see it) or if your more comfortable just reading then thats enough as well. So im just going to ramble about mentoring and a different perspective on blogging.

A few months back i was asked by a submissive if i would consider mentoring, i thought about it, discussed it with the bossman who said he wouldnt have a problem if i wanted to do it, but i decided that i didnt think it was something i could do.

I do think mentoring can be a good thing, sometimes i think how nice and helpful it would of been when i first discovered ttwd, to have someone to confide in, talk with that can understand and advise, it can be in the beginning quite a lonely place to be, and scary as well not knowing where to fit in, questioning if your desires are normal etc.

But i dont feel 'qualified' to mentor anyone especially as im still finding my own way along this path of consensual slavery, im still growing and adapting, my views, opinions and thoughts have changed over the years and perhaps will again in the future as i experience more. But then i think how do you judge when someone is 'qualified' to mentor? i dont think you can really but its just how i feel, there are so many answers i want for myself, and im like the eternal 2 year old at times with the never ending questions.

There is also that element of being impartial which i think is important if mentoring, what works for me and the bossman is right for us but not necessarily will be to someone else, im submissive but i have no doubt i would not be a compatible submissive to some dominants and likewise there are some dominants i know i couldnt submit to.

I have made lots of mistakes over the years, some i learnt from quickly and some im still learning, and he picks me up when i stumble, im his slave but im still realising what that means, i was so sure i knew when i first started out but then there are these lightbulb moments that come out of nowhere sometimes and blows everything you imagined it to be out the water....sometimes you have to go through experiences to fully realise and understand...these moments cant be 'taught' by anyone else they have to be lived. But thats growth and thats always a good thing.

That being said im all for listening and learning from other people, and blogging is a great way to do this and i did recommend to this submissive that she perhaps start a blog, or just read some, to see all the different types of dynamics out there. I love reading others blogs and i dont care how experienced or not someone is i read something and it makes me self reflect, question and thats always a positive thing.

No it doesnt compensate for actually experiencing something but thats no different to a lot of lifes situations, when i was 17 and in my first serious relationship i was damn confident that he was the one, i was young and i knew it all.....when i was pregnant with my son i was damn confident it would be a walk in the park..i mean how hard can it be looking after a baby, as i trained for my job i was confident that i was prepared and ready to face a classroom of children, when i got in my first D/s relationship i put him on a pedestal and he was god to me.

Then you start experiencing and learning and everything you thought you were so damn sure about is questioned, its ok to make mistakes, its ok to stand up and say "this is not what i thought it would be like" and ttwd is like this, but this is positive, its growing....i admit when i first got with the bossman and went down the route of enslavement i knew it all....i did too..i have blog posts to prove it..so there! <<<
Yea ok so now 6 years later im putting my hand up, i have had to learn from my mistakes, to experience to realise this now, i couldnt have been told. Having my own blog is a great way to look back (ok old posts i cringe at) but it charts my growth from complete naivety, making mistakes, changing opinions, temper tantrums, the highs and the lows, laughter, tears, frustration.....and knowing that this is all ok.

My theory on this is that the more you know, the more you know how much you don't know. I have also been overconfident on some things (like having a baby) and then had that stool kicked out from under me. I mean, baby puppies and dogs figure out the nursing thing on their own, why couldn't I? But I got a lot of help and managed that way.

Mentoring is often a good way to learn also, but you are right - it is tricky when it is in a relationship dynamic that you can't possibly know the whole situation about. I am not a lurker, but I do love your blog and I am glad that you are a blogger.

It is a good way to keep things sane and bravo to our guys for having the foresight to understand that.

Sometimes people ask me for advice, and I think the exact same thing--what makes me qualified?But I do think that the fact you question and know you are still learning and growing, is one of the things that would make you a great mentor.

I kind of miss knowing that I knew it all...Of course, I was woefully wrong, and it didn't last long, but the delusion was sometimes fun lol.

I think it's safe to say that I would make a mockery of the term "lurker" if I pretended to be one, but happy LOL day anyways.

I feel quite guitly sometimes when im asked and i dont feel i have given the answer they were looking for, mentoring is something im not sure i have the confidence for really.

Oh wasnt it great though when we thought we had it all sorted..well while it lasted..but then im becoming more and more convinced that im seeking an end which doesnt exist because relationships evolve so how can there be a point where its all...."ok we have this sorted completley now"..oh gosh im over thinking!

I think you would be a great mentor, but I agree it would be hard. I can't wait to look back at my temper tantrums and laugh but I need a little more time under my belt......uh, make that his belt first.