Lovely poem, truly is. I guess it flowed almost too well for my taste... I dunno. I guess flowy poems that make sense confuse me. But other than that I liked it, and by the way, I love the fact that the person died in the end!

Though some people say the last few lines didn't fit in, I don't agree with them. It's just another way to see it. And that's exactly what a person who thinks about suicide, or did attempt to do it is repeating over and over in their head. " I deserve it and they don't care so why not. ". It's maybe just an excuse to do it. I don't know. Never figured it ...You did a great job with that poem.

I think this is an awsome poem! despite what people say about the last lines... personally i think they fit in really well because thats how you would feel as your life is slipping from you and those around you who are just trying to save you when you dont want to be saved. Its a very powerful poem!- Darkest Angels

::sigh:: It's a true thing... I live with it every day. Not really because I think of it, but because my dad did it... And it is so right. You've captured it perfectly... You're right to love this poem. Poems are meant to bring out feelings in people's hearts, and you have done so. The fact that it's sadness is no bad thing.

Okay...I am sorta confused. It was a very powerful poem and was also very well written, but with the last couple lines I couldn't figure out if you were writing it from the suicidal person's point of view or from your own opinion on what happens if you commit suicide.

Whichever one it was...if you decide to edit this poem then I would make it more apparent...and try to make the last part fit in better with the rest of the poem.

Otherwise...I was very impressed and give you props on your capabilities!

Seems I've been reading a lot of powerful poems lately, and this one is no exception. It hit me harder, actually, since this one relates to what I've been feeling for over 2 years.

"The will to live gone, the love in your soul lost." -Brilliant...

I agree with the others, the last 2 lines kind of throw it off-balance. Other than that, the piece is incredible and deep.

Keep writing!

Wulfgurl chapter 1 . 7/23/2003

Nice. Except for the last two lines:

Gone to the hell that you deserved.

No great loss. It was a very moving poem, I enjoyed it. Get help? That doesn't always work...I've been having suicidal thoughts along with anorexic thoughts for about 3 years, and I'm only 11. I've even tried starving myself and taking a knife to my throat but I failed. In other words, yes, I am suicidal and I've been trying to get help. None of my family knows, only some of my close friends but what can they do? Anyways...enough about me! Loved the poem, hope to read more of your work soon! :)

great description-i like ur writing, and how you tell people that even though the poem is about suicide, that they should never do it, and if they are thinkg about it, to get help...it is a great message