Offscreen Drama

February 04, 2015

It feels like less and less fanfare every year as the field rapidly shrinks, but hey, it's all we've got! Today they announced the pre-noms for this year's Daytime Emmys (to be held in a rented-for-two-hours studio space in Van Nuys to be broadcast live to a blog from some dude's smartphone, no doubt).

Here we go:

OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES

TRACEY E. BREGMAN, as Lauren Fenmore BaldwinThe Young and the Restless, CBS

June 22, 2014

The biggest television night of the year is here! Okay. The most important television broadcast is... oh hell, I don't know. They're having a small party and handing out some statues and streaming it online and calling it the Daytime Emmys. I have volunteered to take the hit and subject myself to it so you don't have to, or so you'll watch knowing at least one other human is out there dealing with it. "Extravaganza" can be interpreted as ironically as you please.

Sadly, Mallory will have to sit this year out but I'm sure she'll be somewhere feeling really jealous of the rest of us gluttons for punishment. And as some of you know, I haven't been watching any of the daytime soaps this year but since these awards are for the 2013 season, I'll actually sort of know what's going on. Well, 5% of the time since the rest will presumably be about talk shows and children's television.

So come join me back here at 8pm Eastern time tonight and we'll go through this together!

This time I'm just doing it the old-fashioned way, so you'll have to keep refreshing the screen to get the new comments (instead of the rolling live feed we've sometimes had).

6:18pm Hey y'all! So the red carpet is already streaming so it'll be slow-going at this point because I'm not all that interested in this part. But I'll check in from time to time between now and the main event, so if you're watching, start sounding off in the comments below!

What fresh hell is this? Who are these ladies doing the red carpet interviews? The very first thing I saw was them telling an actor he needed to get away or else they were going to RAPE HIM. No, they really said that. It's out there in the world. So I see we're setting the tone for the night: classy!

I missed the beginning. Did they say anything about who these "professional reporters" are? Is this part of a test run for an unpaid internship, I hope?

6:31pm They want to nominate Heather Tom's boobies for an award. Because classy.

Kim Matula just used more gestures in answering four questions on the red carpet than she has in her entire tenure as Hope Logan on B&B. I'm just saying.

Kristen Alderson's dress is radioactive. My eyes hurt!

That photo doesn't really do the blinding-ness justice. But it's bright, is my point.

6:43pm So basically the gist is that these women are going to tell everyone how thin they look and how amazing that is. Feminism is alive and well, people. I feel like I'm at a bad sorority party. I don't mind that they're crass potty-mouths (in fact, that's my default state) but not when it's so utterly vapid and insincere. I half expect them to start greeting grown women with, "Hey slut, oh god, I hate you, look how hot that dress is, bitch! I die."

6:51pm Well, they basically had no idea who Jason Thompson is. Only one of the best actors in daytime by a country mile, but they just filled a few seconds with random blathering that had nothing to do with him.

My feed just died. Temporarily? I don't know. But I'm not complaining.

7:00pm Zack Conroy remains adorable. B&B viewers, do they still give him absolutely nothing to do these days?

I got restless during some buffering.

This broadcast had devolved my sense of humor into that of a four-year-old.

May 01, 2014

Y'all! I forgot this was even happening today. Mostly because I haven't been able to really watch much daytime TV lately and because I figured my beloved and twice-dead favorite show would be shut out completely. But that's not how this played out! (Not that there were many other surprises.)

December 07, 2011

I wanted to post yesterday after the terrific launch of the mini-storyline of One Life to Live's soap-within-a-soap Fraternity Row, but I was a little too exhausted by life. Luckily today ramped it up, and my giddiness is still intact. Well, my bittersweet giddiness.

Throughout the hour, we learned gradually who in Llanview is a viewer and how they watch it (Starr: DVR, Cutter: later on SoapNet, Viki: every day, live, Noelle: at work, Kim: in prison!), what kind of viewer they are (Clint: closet viewer who's smart and hypercritical of the writing, Roxy: her whole heart in it, always able to make an excuse for it even when it fails, Shaun: the always-complaining viewer who's constantly threatening to quit watching for good who doesn't get why the characters aren't just allowed to be happy for a while!), and who their favorites on the show are. They had great alternating scenes emphasizing the absurdity of soaps -- two lovers on Fraternity Row discussed being siblings while Gigi had a ridiculous conversation about how Dr. Fascinella wouldn't change her face back in the "real" world.

December 02, 2011

So I guess I should be talking about the big huge shocking Friday reveal today that Stagi is really Gigi, but I'm not going to talk about that since everyone already knew this the second they introduced Stagi (and frankly, it's pretty disappointing because I actually was enjoying the minor spark between Cutter/Stagi and Rex/Aubrey and have no desire to see those "couplings" revert to original form). Or I could talk about Starr's "exciting" legal troubles with Rick Powers, or the fascinating scenes in which Shane spelled out a story to Neela (a character we no longer have any need for -- and I know it's not the writers' fault since when they wrote this, they didn't know how near the end they really were) that we've been familiar with for ages, or how Todd was yet again in most of an episode opposite a character no one wants to see him in scenes with (his assistant Tracy) although thankfully he got five seconds with Téa (in my favorite Téa dress!) and Blair at the end, but that'll only get me grumpy.

So let's focus for a moment on Starr very briefly and succinctly breaking things down for Blair today.

Blair: You're mad at me because I picked [Tomas] over your father.Starr: Really? Well, maybe I am. Maybe because Tomas is the one that dumped Dad in that prison. The reason why we lost him for eight years.

November 23, 2011

I feel like today's post should be a sympathy card. There was some cruel television twist of fate that aired today's episode on the same day as today's announcement.

And do not say I didn't warn you. If you haven't seen today's episode of One Life to Live, stop reading. You don't want to read this before you watch this. Trust me.

Let me just get right down to it if I can make it through without sobbing so hard over my keyboard that I get electrocuted. Matthew narrated today's episode.

"Is there anybody else like Roxy? She's the bomb."

Nora actually expressed concern for the mayor and how what can seem like a spirited hit in a minor physical skirmish can have unintended long-term damage even if the person seems fine. Kind of the way it happened to Matthew.

Clint and Shane had another heart-to-heart and this show is trying its damndest to melt me into the floor. So, Clint's speech to Shane...

Clint: I just did not do right by you and your dad, and I regret that more than you will ever know. Rex is my son, you're my grandson, and me? I'm the fool that waited too long to count his blessings, but you and your father are gifts in my life that I just don't deserve. But I'm going to try and do better. And I'm going to try to be worthy of you, your dad, and (puts his hand over his heart) this wonderful heart that once belonged to your mom. I know I got a heck of a long way to go, so I'm asking you for your patience.

And I don't know why Ford needed to be present for Natalie's apology to Jessica but speaking of that apology, everyone is still showing compassion for Brody for his actions, assuming that he'd snapped rather than assuming he's evil. And Jessica looked truly crestfallen to learn that Brody was back in St. Anne's, back where it all began for the two of them. Three years ago on Thanksgiving. And then Jessica went to visit him in St. Anne's and got the crazy patient to stop taunting Brody! And he asked after Liam and after Nigel and I was thinking about OLTL Thanksgivings past and so grateful for this one because it wasn't the last one.

And they had this lovely exchange...

Jessica: Brody, you didn't lose one child, you lost two. (Three, in a way. --Ed.) First Ryder, then Liam, and that would drive even the strongest person over the edge.

Brody: You don't have to do this.

Jessica: Hey. Hey. Look at me. You have been my rock for so long. Whenever I felt like I was floating away, you were always there to bring me back down to the ground. You were a good man and you still are.

Brody: How can you say that?

Jessica: Because it's the truth. You are smart and strong and kind, and you're going to get through this.

Oh, and just in case we weren't already choked up at that point (Brody and Jessica 4EVAH!), we then cut to Clint telling Nigel that after what he did for the family, he has to stay for Thanksgiving and they should be serving him and then Natalie held Liam up and did a fake voice for him begging Nigel to stay. So cute!

July 07, 2011

Well, I sat down to watch today's One Life to Live, thinking it probably wouldn't do enough for me to actually do a write-up because today's bizarre "the shows got saved....kinda" news would overshadow everything, but I already flipped out about three times in the cold open. Jack, Shane, and Rex are face-to-face for the first time since Gigi's death, Viki and Dorian are face-to-face for the first time since Viki found out about Dorian stalling on getting Clint help during his heart attack, and most importantly, RHTodd actually said the words "that son of a bitch stole my life!" and I about jumped off my couch.

So I'm excited. So here we go, gang, it's an old-fashioned recap day, starting from immediately after the credits.

So, RHTodd is still talking to himself in his motel room trying to figure out how someone stole his life and nobody noticed. It's a fair question! But my favorite was: "And who the hell are Sam and Dani??" He needs someone to help him make sense of it, and notices Viki's name on The Banner website.

Viki and Dorian are awesomely bickering. Dorian mentions that Clint is guilty of every crime he confessed to, and Viki looks nervous since she knows the one exception (which, really, what he confessed to is enough for a healthy prison sentence regardless).

Destiny continues to play with a pregnancy test box.

Matthew's doctor explains that he was just joking about being out of options for Matthew, and just meant he couldn't stay at this hospital anymore. Bo and Nora get upset about sending him away until the doctor (a better one, mind you!) says there's a great facility in Philadelphia and the show remembers it takes place in a Philadelphia suburb, so that's totally not sending him away at all.

Ionia shows up to continue trying to seduce David.

Jack apologizes to Shane. Or sympathizes. Or something. It's hard to tell.

Commercials. Y'all. My dog smells so bad. I hate the idea of kicking her off the couch but it's really nasty. Where did the dog-walker take her today? A pig pen? I think he may have.

June 09, 2011

Wow. Matthew's doctor has the worst bedside manner of just about any doctor I've ever seen. Last week I complained that she was telling Bo and Nora their son was likely brain-dead as if she was telling them it was time to let go of that one dead tooth.

This week? She seems annoyed with them. More tooth.

Nora: Matthew's not a quitter.

Dr. Insensitive: I'm sure he's not. And Matthew deserves a quality of life that... These machines can keep him alive, but they can't give him the kind of life you want for him. Do you really want him to linger like this? Maybe for years?

Jeez, Doc! How 'bout let him "linger like this" for two days before treating his parents as if they're being incredibly irritating and stubborn? Then later when she was trying to persuade them to take him off of life support, she kept using phrases like "very little hope" and "not technically brain-dead," and already talking about organ donation. What the hell? I would punch that woman in the face. She's saying there is some hope but that this would be a bad state to be in for years on end, so they should just go ahead and pull the plug now?

Outside of this asshole doctor, absolutely everything in the Matthew storyline absolutely broke my heart today. That's all I can say about it because it's NOT REALLY HAPPENING, but it was very well-done drama and tugged at my icy heartstrings.

In other news, I'm sorry about the fact that I know this is going to disappoint some of you, but I have to speak well of a Ford. James was kind of awesome today. When Ford told James about how he'd been to see Tess to tell her he has feelings for her...

James (in an excellent mocking tone): Oh, now you guys are goin' steady?

Ford: No, they kicked me out before I could do anything.

James: Well good. 'Cause she just would've used it against you. "Oh come on, Bobby, bust me out," and then you would've broken the law and she would've gotten free and dumped you faster than you can say (sounds it out for him like the dunce he is) "ALTER EGO."

April 21, 2011

My quick disclaimer: I am very pessimistic that there is any hope of a decision reversal regarding the cancellations of One Life to Live and All My Children, but I will say that I've noticed a hell of a lot more backlash in the mainstream press than I'd anticipated so, hey, it can't hurt to try, right? And of course, my sadness over the cancellation has already made me the brunt of a lot of friends' jokes, but I don't care a lick -- if their comfort food fell off the Earth for the rest of all time, they'd be sad too, right? This is important beyond just what we put on our DVRs and having to part with families we've been tuning in for for decades. It's hundreds and hundreds of jobs and yet another blow in the slow demise of scripted drama on television; we cannot possibly need more "lifestyle/reality" television. And for me personally, One Life to Live is a very big deal because it is one of the few remaining scripted TV shows (and the final soap) based entirely in New York City (and not shot here but written in L.A. ala L&O SVU, Gossip Girl, etc). It's a big deal here in particular that sustainable day jobs exist here so that hundreds of actors, writers, directors, and designers can stay put in a city where they can work regularly in the theatre and still pay the rent. Read any bio in any Playbill and I guarantee you almost all of them, among the actors' TV credits, list some combination of One Life to Live, All My Children, As the World Turns, Another World, Guiding Light, Loving, The City, and the list goes on. It's no joke that this show being based in NYC in fact supports the arts in a major way.

I'm seeing a lot of flyers, I might add. Tonight I was walking up Eighth Avenue and almost every single one of those little plastic stands that carries the free daily papers was full of "Save Our Soaps!" flyers. I got a little verklempt. Of course some of the coverage out there is deliberately mocking us for giving a damn by making overt efforts to make us all look like hoarding shut-ins with no sense of self or personal hygiene and, hey, that's some of us. That also accounts for some of the viewers of Meet the Press, Sesame Street, 30 Rock, Mad Men and everything else on the schedule.

I am seriously rambling. The point is that if you want to take action, there are about three thousand resources out there right now. You can go here (make sure the volume's on for fun there!) and here (I admire that woman's thorough spirit!) and about a million and a half Facebook groups and pages. Post any other links and information into the comments below, and everyone else scroll down to see what's going on and what you can do! (I am involved in none of this so I certainly can't vouch for it -- just trying to get the message out there.)