Ugh, salary negotiation. I know how hard this is, even when you know you're supposed to do it and even if you've done it before it can still be hard (trust me, it's still hard for me, too!). I think it's hard because it triggers so fears about whether you'll be liked, respected, and whether you'll still be able to get the job if you ask for more. My earlier post on Salary Negotiation and Self Worth tackles some of that. But if you still really struggle with salary negotiation, and most of us do, I have a few more tips that can help you get through it and hopefully to a resolution that feels good for both you and the person making your offer. Here we go:

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A couple of months ago, I was contacted to participate in creating a public video about my work. The request came by email and I ignored it. When I eventually prodded myself into responding, I was reluctant. "Ok, maybe, but can you give me more information?" That led to emails with a production company that I also delayed in responding to.

Eventually, I agreed to interview with them, giving them little time and a tight schedule to work with. I slowly came around and the project went forward. It culminated with a full day of filming at the end of November that was one of the best professional experiences I've had yet. The video will be published early next year, and I am thrilled. But why was I so reluctant for this fantastic opportunity to grow my career and expand my professional reach?

I lost a friend this week. Captain William Dubois, an air force pilot, was killed when his plane crashed in the middle east due to a mechanical failure on Monday. Will and I were casual friends, actually. I met him when he was in Seattle on training several years ago, we flirted in a restaurant and had a date together and then kept in touch via phone and email and Facebook while he finished his military training. We both fell in love with other people and stayed in touch, saying "happy birthday" now and again or asking about each others' travels and times abroad, and watching our Facebook feeds for fun and interesting news and photos. You could hear his laugh right through the computer screen in the images put there, and his almost shy sense of gentlemanliness came through in his smile. But now he's gone. He leaves behind his new wife and labrador puppy, and a devastated family that adored him. Will was 30 years old, and he was right at the beginning of something.

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"My mom said I should be a librarian because she knows someone whose daughter is a librarian and said that's a good option," my student told me.

"Do you want to be a librarian?" I asked.

"I don't know...", she broke eye contact.

At least it's obvious that she's pursuing Mom's goal instead of her own. Some of us are working on a far more insidious type of career choice....the one made through more subtle clues about what our parents or family members want of us. It's more common that I work with a student who says, "My parents are worried about what kind of internship I'll have this summer." Or, when I ask "How did you decide you wanted to be a doctor?" the answer is "My dad is a Neurologist," which, I have to remind the person, is not actually answering the question.

Career Janet

Janet Matta is a career counselor and employment expert providing career advice to young professionals, students, and recent university graduates. Get advice on job interviewing, LinkedIn, resumes, cover letters, social media, salary negotiation, and more, here.