I joined instagram about 19 weeks back. You can follow me here: _everlong.

It's one of the few apps I have that I actively use. The others being facebook, google maps, and gmail.

I use instagram to follow supermodels, so that each morning (and every 5-180 minutes whenceafter), I have a steady stream of photos of scantily clad hot chicks delivered digitally to my phone. I'm beginning to wonder if this behavior is slightly or entirely perverse.

Feel free to follow me on instagram if you'd like a sporadic stream of random photos taken around Manhattan, from the trivial to the disturbing.

So, I was surprised to see that Fiona responded to my last message. Here's her response

Subject: Payment Information Received!

Winnie,

Thanks for getting back to me with the information.The payment will be processed and sent out before the end of the coming week.I shall get back to you with the tracking number and my flight information once I have it.I would like you to let me know the best time to come as i believe Sundays are always alright for traveling but i would like to hear from you so i know the best time to come down there so you could help pick me up at the airport.Can you also let me know the nearest airport to you?Please try and take the AD off Craigslist finally so as to avoid any inconveniences.

As regards my car,i am planning on having it delivered to the house before my arrival so that i can settle in comfortably,you can understand that transiting cross Atlantic is not easy so I'm making arrangement with the car dealer to deliver the car before my arrival after the rent and security deposit has been paid to you by my Dad. I will ask you for a favor here,can i rely on you to take delivery of the car for me when its delivered.As you will be handling the delivery of the car with the rent and deposit to be sent to you so that you can help me handle the delivery payment for the car...The delivery payment will be included with the Check coming to you.I will really appreciate if you can do this for me and promise to compensate you adequately for your time and efforts on my arrival to your place.

After receiving the emails from Fiona, nothing really seemed off (even though I should've been suspicious). It wasn't until I received an email from Anita when I realized these elaborate emails from scammers...

Anita Ledbetter (ayo.prince600@gmail.com):
Thanks for getting back to me ... My name Anita Ledbetter (F),I am
24yrs old,I am fun loving, personal, friendly,clean, caring,and
respectful of others. a non-smoker, don't do drugs, i drink
occasionally,and drama free. I graduated last year in France, I am
single and have no children ... i do bible study, and sometimes we do
karaoke night with my roommate! i go to church every Sunday .
I am coming for my Masters degree. i am from USA,specifically
Hawaii, I was born in Honolulu in Hawaii,my dad is from there too but
my mum is from Spain...I went to Chaminade University of Honolulu in
Hawaii.
I speak both English and Spanish fluently ,am presently on research
work at Hawaii , and almost done with that bcos its part of my
prerequisite for my masters in Microbiology . I would have loved to
call you but
this is a remote area calls is hard to go through from here and i
don't want to waste much time .Am really interested in renting from
you or to be your roomie and i do really love pets but i don't have
any at the moment. I would have loved to see it but am very far,but
with pictures,I am glad.
I will also like you to tell me more about you and if you have garage
or parking space cos I will have my own car come over, pls let me know
the total payment of the place and more over I will send your email to
my dad for him to email you later bcos he is the one that will be
paying the bills but nevertheless,I will like you to send me your Full
Name and the Mailing Address, your Phone number as well,so that my Dad
will issue out the payment for the place as soon as possible,with that
you can hold on the place for me till i come . I will be looking
forward to your email soonest.

And, later that day, Fiona replied back to me with this...

Fiona:
Dave,

I'm highly interested in the room after going through your message and will need you to get back to me with your full name and mailing information so I can have my Dad make out the payment to you before the end of the week.

Thanks,

Fiona Lambert

Me:
Thanks, Fiona. Here's my info --

Name:
Winnie Shite

Address:
21 Jump St.,
PO Box 666
Johnny Depot, NY 80085

Please let me know if you have any more questions. Thanks!

Moral of the story: never trust anyone from Craigslist claiming to have any ties to Hawaii.

All content copyright by dave. Please do not reproduce, recycle, or regurgitate without the express written consent of the CTU.

The Creative Mind of Online Scammers (Part 1 of 2)

Sunday, February 3, 2013

I currently looking for a new roommate and, in pursuit of this noble cause, posted an ad on craigslist.

Here is one email interaction I had:

Fiona Lambert (waiting435@gmail.com):
Is the room posted on Craigslist still available?

Me:
Hi Fiona,
Yes, it's still available. I'm showing it to some people over the next few days.

Thanks.

Dave

Fiona:
Hello,

It's nice hearing from you again. My name is Fiona, 24 years of age, fun-loving, outspoken, friendly, clean, caring and respectful of others, a non-smoker(although I can hangout in a smoky bar so I'm not allergic to it), don't do drugs, drink occasionally and drama free kind of person. I graduated last year from Edinburgh University, Scotland. I am single and have no children, do bible studies on weekends and sometimes Karaoke nights with my roommates. I would love to secure the room for myself before my arrival to the state as I'll be moving in with my things. I like my roommate or housemate to be a very caring and friendly person and I promise he/she will enjoy staying with me in the house because I'm lively and easy-going. I will be in the States before the end of this month for the next one year as I'll be coming for my master degree program. I was born in Scotland (UK) and my Dad is from Kahului,Hawaii but has been living in Scotland for over 27 years.

I obtained my bachelor's degree from the University Of Edinburgh and I speak fluent English with a Scottish accent. I have a degree in International Relations and I'm currently visiting a cousin.I'm really interested in renting from you and I hope you consider renting the room to me.

I understand I can't be able to view the place in person so I would prefer some recent pictures of the room and maybe the exterior.I would like you to tell me more about you and also, if you have a garage or parking space since I will have my own car.Please let me know the total payment of the place so I can forward your email and information to my Dad since he is the one to be paying the bills. The payment will be drawn from a United States Cashier's Check and I would need the following information from you to have my Dad issue out the rental payment to you on time.

All content copyright by dave. Please do not reproduce, recycle, or regurgitate without the express written consent of the CTU.

Impossible is Nothing

Saturday, February 2, 2013

"Impossible is nothing, but death and taxes." - Bender Rodiguez

Around the time I was graduating my institution of worthless knowledge, a certain individual of a pathological and ambitious nature entered the halls of infamy with the following video.

He received ridicule from the likes of this well known character:

He received such attention that he even has a wikipedia entry, which documents the fact that he is a pathological liar. See here.

But, alas, like all viral celebrities, their fame (or infamy) is short lived and I quickly forgotten about Aleksey as 2006 rolled onto 2007, onto 2008, onto 2009, onto 2010, onto 2011, onto 2012, and now onto 2013. He came to regain my attention again about a week earlier, as my friend reminded me of his video and informed me of his passing. He was only 29 and his death looks to be a suicide.

I was pretty shocked to hear of this. And, I began to think... it is interesting and unfortunate to see how some setbacks can be so devastating to an individual that he or she will never recover from it.

All content copyright by dave. Please do not reproduce, recycle, or regurgitate without the express written consent of the CTU.

Twas once was lost, was once of cost

Friday, February 1, 2013

As I felt my veins pulsating with its last gasps of desperation, dilated's bulging biceps of bison-nishment tightened ever so feverishly around my jugular. In these last moments of me holding back perspiration from my pupils, a chemical reaction I've never endured, all in my life became clear and I thought to myself...