Japan is known for crazy games and one of the most recent releases that made people double take is Conception: Please Have My Children. So naturally, I had to find a way to play it and report back to all of you about the experience.

Now, at first I was going to review Conception: Please Have My Babies when I borrowed it. Alas, my Japanese language skills are a bit lacking. Since I can’t understand absolutely everything and didn’t get to borrow it for as long as I would have liked, I decided to make this an informative overview.

So why is this high schooler trying to have all these kids?

To save the world, naturally!

Well, not this world. Itsuki and his cousin Mahiru, who’s revealed she’s pregnant the day they graduate high school, have been teleported to Granvania. The Stars are out of alignment due to chaos, which means Granvania will fall unless a fabled man who is capable of creating Star Children, magic kids with the Star Maidens, women who represent the 12 signs of the zodiac. The hero will then take these Star Children into 12 dungeons with him, which also correspond to the zodiac signs, to fight monsters and restore order.

It’s very Japanese, I know. It’s also quite text-heavy. While it’s possible to stumble through Conception: Please Have My Children with only minimal language skills, you’re going to have trouble making the Star Maidens like you, which means it’ll be difficult to get the strongest Star Children party members. Granted, the relationship building isn’t too difficult and as long as someone saves before making any choices with the women when hanging out with them during the week, they should be fine.

It’s a dungeon crawler-dating sim then.

Exactly. Romancing the girls makes them willing to go to the tower with Itsuki. While there, a Star Child will be born/magically appear. It’ll looks like a five year old when it appears. The closer he is with the woman, the stronger the resulting child will be. Also, the mother also influences the Star Child’s stats and class.

Say Itsuki needed a mage to go into the next dungeon with him. Then he’d want to get closer to Mirei, who represents Libra. She’s a mage and odds are a Star Child from the mage class will result from pairing her up with Itsuki.

The thing is, you constantly have to keep interacting with the women in Conception: Please Have My Children. The Star Children also have level caps when they’re created during the Ceremony of Love, based on the relationship between Itsuki and the woman involved. Which means they’re disposable and a Star Child created for the first dungeon will likely outlive its usefulness and be retired by the second. Plus, Itsuki takes 12 Star Children into each dungeon with him, with four entering battle with him at a time.

Basically, Conception: Please Have My Children goes like this. A week begins. Itsuki first spends time with three of the 12 Star Maidens. He then maybe makes a Star Child or two. Then, he goes with the Star Children into whichever one of the 12 dungeons the player is currently working on. Each dungeon looks the same and scale in difficulty with Itsuki and the kids. Battles are turn-based, with the party members and enemies able to move to certain locations on the field to do more damage to opponents weak spots. Occasionally a boss shows up, and defeating it clears the dungeon. Lather, rinse and repeat until you’ve beaten the game.

Any chance of seeing a Conception game outside of Japan?

Stranger things have happened. Especially considering it isn’t as risque as the title suggests. I think we’ve missed the chance of ever getting the original Conception: Please Have My Children, but the sequel is coming to the Vita. Not to mention the developer, Spike Chunsoft, has a good relationship with Aksys. On top of that, Aksys has been taking chances on dating sims such as Hakuoki: Demon of the Fleeting Blossom and Sweet Fuse: At Your Side. I wouldn’t bet on it happening, but there is a slight chance it could.

COMING NEXT TIME: Important Importables talks about 10 import DS games that should be in the 3DS eShop.