Monk_D - you are my bestest friendest EVER(est)!
I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart(est) for recounting that us for us! I'm not a DVD owner (sob sob), and let me tell you the smile of my face will not fade ALL DAY now that you've recounted The Story Of The Dirk or The Diggler (or should that be The Digger?).

I'm glad Mark let us in and showed his human side (not the celebrity side - I'm sure you know what I mean). And we've taken it as it was given - humourous and a bit of the 'ohmigod'!!! You won't be banned chook - if you are I go out with you! (We will stand together and laugh over the The Dirk or The Diggler or The Digger - HAAAAAA!) Sorry couldn't resist... I'll just go and wipe the tears away from my eyes now....

Before I use a box of tissues up, from what you just said it obviously was The Dirk that was damaged not the Prosthetic - something similar to what I described above - yowuch it must have hurt... by the way, the reason I know is of course, I WAS THERE!!!!! I confess I AM THE DIRK BREAKER!!!!

Thanks SO much Monk D GF- Oh boy- talk about opening up a can of ( he he) worms!
I was doing my own ....ahem...research on this topic with my b-friend, and these are the conclusions that we came to (there I go, punning away again!)
1. Breaking your diggler is , without a doubt, THE most painful thing that can happen to a guy. Which, when you watch 3Kings in retrospect, during the torture scenes, we can tell where Mark is REALLY getting creative inspiration. (My sicko b-friend just piped in that he may actually have enjoyed it, for which I have kicked the SOB out of my room!)
2. One's Dirk is, like a motor vehicle, built to sustain quite a bit of wear and tear. It would indeedy take an EXTREME amount of (how do I put this delicately) youthful vigouressness to have sufferred such extensive damage. Wow- does this guy really have it all or what? I think we'll have to start a petion to the government to stick a label on him! (Hey- good new topic!)
3. And finally- how can any woman have left our Monk Man lying on the floor in agony, nursing a broken black diggler that would've resembled a snake swallowing an inner tube? And after the exhaustive attentions she'd just received, too! Shame, Shame, Shame M Factor. (Said in my best D.Hinch voice- a little Aussie joke for us brilliant antipodeans here on the board!Oi!Oi! Oi!)
So now the only problem is this- when I finally DO get to meet the guy- how the heck am I going to be able to keep a knowing smile off my face as I think about his lovechildren's names, curiously placed mammary glands and his numerous adventures with his Dirk/Diggler!!!?

Oh god, I love coming to work to log in on this site (tragic huh)!!!! I would just like everyone to know that of course I did not (and would not) leave the poor man lying on the floor by himself... (especially with a black snake which has just swallowed an inner tube... if you are aust'n you'd know how dangerous they are!!!)... however, in my self-defence (eyelashes blinking furiously), I was just trying to get over the shock fact that I had just found a 3rd mammary gland... And before that, well you know I was a little (pouting voice)... well TIRED (you know?). The man's DIRK was so GOOD, I was knackered, so when I got up to go to the loo (as you do), when I saw him there all alone and frightened, I just had to snuggle up next to him on the bathroom rug and there we remained (him whimpering, me cajoling)... But ohmylawdy me (Marilyn Monroe impersonation), you all know the rest. I'm like so EMBARRASSMENT (alias Effie, if you remember her).

However, now I'd like everyone to know that The Dirk, The Diggler, The Digger is absolutely 100% fine now...

PS: I would just like to say that would not like my man's Dirk to be referred to as a CAR. I mean purhlease!

(By the way Makin are you in Sydney? Fancy meeting up with Lani and me?)

If it were me, I wouldn't put any more personal encounters with Mark on here. Every time someone has in the past, they've mysteriously disappeared. (Hint, hint) And I think that sleeping with Mark is something that I would cherish alone. The fact that the event occurred would be more than enough for me. I don't want to start an argument, but his management company is overseeing this site, and it might get back to him that someone was talking about his personal business. I don't think he would be happy about it. If he wasn't drunk when he discussed it, he might not have spoken about it. I know I wanted to hear about it, but I thought you would e-mail me. And I now realize I was wrong in wanting to hear it at all. So I apologize.

Just saw your last post - I can understand where you're coming from if we were being vicious and nasty to one another - but hey, this whole post is meant in jest and we are having some fun twisting words around... Don't forget that this interview is available to the general public on DVD... If Mark or anyone from his Management Team read this, then hi! (or remember me? - sorry couldn't resist that one). We are really having a bit of a fantasy here... no offense meant to anyone at anytime!

I know I'm a bit wordy (the nasty byproduct of being a writer since age 8, I guess), but I'd appreciate everyone reading all of this.

No I haven't disappeared J. In fact I'm embarrassed to admit how much time I've been spending checking the board since I discovered it a few weeks ago!

Anyway, I do know that this is sensitive material, and my first post was just a 'feeler' really, to ask if anyone else had seen it. I'm new to the board and relatively new to being a Mark devotee, and I only wanted to discuss what I had seen. (The entire commentary, that is, or parts of it. I didn't really intend to focus solely on that p**** story.) However, when it became obvious that no one else had seen the DVD, I was thrust into the role of explaining things. My concern always was that something like this would happen. If you'll notice, my entries came in increments, because I didn't want to just let it all hang out (so to speak) without knowing for sure what the climate was. I hinted otherwise, but I hadn't planned to give any more details about it unless it was done via email.

I deeply admire Mark and his work, and quite frankly, this whole DVD commentary thing was so funny and so weird that I admire the man even more for agreeing to let New Line release it rather than trying to cover it up. If in fact he was just drunk and wasn't aware that his comments would be available to the public, then no one is more sorry about this than I am. (Although the real person to criticize would then be PT Anderson, for taking advantage of Mark at a time that he wasn't totally in control of himself and then using it to entertain people.)

Mark is very private about his personal life (another aspect of him that I admire), so I am inclined to believe that he was just joking. Only Mark and the person he was with really know the truth -- which is the way it ought to be, absolutely.

Unfortunately, I know that everyone perceives things differently. That's why I am going to delete my previous post giving the details of what he said. Countless fans have probably already seen it, but at least it won't be here permanently for the whole world to see.

J, I do think that people like M Factor were just kidding around with the whole subject. Still, my apologies to anyone who was offended by my actions.

And if anyone does ever get the DVD, I'd love to discuss any of the extra features. There is much more interesting stuff than the p story -- including an extended improvisational scene with Mark and Luis Guzman that is both funny and fascinating. I'd also love to discuss the whole Becky subplot that PT chose to cut from the film. From the deleted scene, it looks to have been some powerful stuff, and brings up a few interesting questions about Eddie/Dirk as well.

IT'S ALL MY FAULT! I"M THE ONE THAT FOCUSED ON THE BROKEN DIRK!!!!
(Heads towards sink with bar of soap, in order to wash her mouth out....)

What's goin' on ladies? Have my partners in smutty letter passing decided to play Teacher's Pet for a while?`
I'm hoping this is all a ploy, a distraction for the moderators. It's so that while they're focused on this, we can introduce an even RISKIER topic. Count me in!!!

No seriously.........
I'm hoping that everyone can see this whole biz for what it was- a joke. I feel that the people on this message board should be able to speak their minds and have a bit of a laugh, without fear of censorship. Like in any social situation, people have different opinions on what constitutes 'funny'. If I offended anyone with my potty mouth comments I apologise, still you have to admit that it is a pretty funny topic and it's been so fun to come back and read the posts! I am not presuming to know Mark's opinion on this whole thing- but let's keep in mind that he himself made this information available for all the world to see. (And that includes presumably people in the internet community.) There are advantages and also disadvantages to being in the public eye, and so many people have been fixated on his "Diggler" since B.N that he must be just a LITTLE bit used to it.

Please don't fret Monk D- I LOVE your writing style and appreciate how much effort you put into this board. Let's all simmer down na and go back to making this place fun!! (Next risque topic- perhaps you can sugest one, M-Factor?!) Love and peace to you all

I wasn't trying to be vicious, and if I came off that way, I apologize. It's just that there was this girl who posted something when I first started coming here... Well she just came out and said that she had slept with Mark, and what kind of condom he used, etc. There was a little bit of that going on. I don't know how much latitude Mark's mangagement is going to give for jokes and such. And I didn't want anyone getting booted for some misinterpreted fun. Once again, I apologize for any bad feelings my post may have caused.

oh hey MonkD! we can talk about the improv between Luis and Mark. I have the VHS version with the deleted scenes and that one is on there.
it was really great wasnt it? it must've lasted about 10 min of straight improv (actually I think they had a few lines to work from but PT only gave them little phrases to go from when he said action)
It was pretty funny too. I haven't seen it in a while but I do remember the whole thing with the drink and using Maurice's name instead of Chico... and the "card" that Mark had to keep showing Louis. He did an awesome job acting, acting bad. At first I thought it was HIM making all those mistakes then I realized it was Dirk. (had a big sigh of relief after that...much like all those sighs Mark does! lol)

If that was me I would've never been able to do it! Mark and Luis were in character the whole time. Some of the stuff they said was so funny...I'll have to go back and watch it soon to remember. MonkD maybe since you can write so well and I suck at it...write a little bit of what went on?

What I do remember is Mark turning to the camera and saying "Are we still rolling??" you could hear his accent come through a little bit. I think he was laughing too b/c Luis said something.

There were more scenes on the tape but I can't remember!1 I'm def. going to go back and watch them as soon as I get the time. MonkD_girl can you remember any?
anyone else know of any good behind the scenes stuff??

oops - I think we started something here... I would like to clarify one tiny thing to Jordanelmena - when I said 'vicious and nasty' I wasn't referring to you (I wouldn't dare!!! - I'm having too much fun chatting to you all!); I meant we weren't being vicious and nasty TO EACH OTHER with these posts... it's all in fun (which I think we've all clarified here anyway - and I still believe they are highly amusing in a very black humorous sorta way - in fact in my humour sorta way!!!!).

As you've probably noticed some people aren't so pleasant on these posts (not here, other topics) and in general I ignore them... I was just clarifying we were having fun - and still am...

And Makin': Me, trying to be the Teacher's Pet???... NEVER...!!! (we will fight them on the beaches - Churchill impersonation here). Horrified at the suggestion. (wanna an apple?)

Monk_D girl - you go gurl, love your writing!

I'm definitely trying to think of something naughty to start a topic off... what about has anyone noticed how wide Mark's mouth is? Is it just me, or does he have an exceptionally wide mouth??? Hmmm that's food for thought (pun intended).

Hey MonkD, how did you know my friends call me J? (smile) Ok... let's all take a breath and think about Mark naked........ Oh. I'm sorry. I passed the H-E-L-L out. Mark seems to have that effect on me. LAWD. If all guys were like Mark... the world would be a MUCH better place. (smile again) So can we all just get along? Please? If you agree, please say.....Feel, feel, feel my heat....Feel my heat. I think we should repeat that again.....LOL!

Well, no, I don't know either. But wouldn't it be fun to find out with Mark?

The Mark-Luis scene is great! At first I had no clue what the heck was going on! But then I got it. You're right - the real Mark does peak through a couple of times. You can totally tell the minute it happens too (usually when he and Luis are crackin' up). I couldn't figure out why he couldn't get the card thing down though. lol Or the drink thing, either. But in her commentary, Julianne Moore mentions something about filming the first porno scene (when she's behind the desk.) She said that she played it awkward like a bad actress would. Like, a bad actress would be really uncomfortable with her hands and body movements, so everything would come out stiff (my words, not hers. lol) Anyway, could that be what our boy was doing, too?

Or maybe I'm just analyzing things a bit too much. To be honest, my mind is still racing about the big mouth thing....

Oh, I'm not into women either. I've had women come on to me, but I'm just not into women. I didn't react like Dirk did when Scottie came on to him, but I wasn't coked up either! I just kind of removed their hands from my personal area and politely refused. Come to think of it, none of them kissed me... But they did put their hands where they didn't belong...Anyhoo...TMI-LOL! But I SURE as heckfire (anyone see Groundhog Day?) would feel Dirk's, Mark's, Eddie's heat...

Monk_D girl (eye lashes batting furiously) - No, I don't know... what do they say about men with big mouths??? (I know what they say about men with big index fingers though.... lol!)... I think I seriously need a DVD player....

By the way I was surprised you actually did remove the post about the broken dirk... sob sob...