Coming out - Gay Guys! <3

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Hi guys!
I need you to help me, please.
I really don't know how, but I need it.
I'm 19 and I didn't tell to my family that i'm gay. I don't know how, I'm scare. They are so special.
Can someone help me? how did you do it? Ideas, I don't know
I put my email, you can write me.... or using gays.com.
Thank you so much.

Tristram_Goncalves

Tristram_Goncalves

621 posts

Posted October 21, 2012

Alo Mariano,
Se que hablando su familia esta dificil. I know that the party line is to be out all the time to everyone but it is not practical. You will tell your family when the time the feels right. There are many experiences, both good and bad, be prepared for the worst, it usually never happens, unless your Mormon, then you're screwed. The decision of who to be out to and why is a complex one. I have an ex who is out to everyone, even people who could care less cuz it aint no never mind to them. I only come out if the person is close enough to me to make disclosure necessary, like they have a really cute brother. You will get different advice from other people with different takes on disclosure. Do what feels right to you, don't feel thaqt you must leave your comfort zone, and do they aqll need to know that your gay, or do they just have a sexy uncle with no woman around. To thine on self be true, que sera sera, and fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.

Ilyas_Yas

Ilyas_Yas

1 post

Posted October 21, 2012

Just say who u are, don't be afraid... I said,, and my mother tell me that she love me. We live in country where gay is illegal... everything will be ok i think =))) (sorry for my English)

Steve_Yunk

Steve_Yunk

1 post

Posted October 21, 2012

hey mariano, steve here , if your not sure how to do it, just make sure u have a place, and money, then let it out, i was in the closit for 20 sum years, and it sucked, big time, lost some friends, but got most of my family,its not like it used to years ago, but i dont have to hide no more, im here, im queer, u dont like it stay clear,, but just to honest, when i did come out, i got really wasted, on booze and x, then early in the morning, picked up the phone, still fucked up, and told everybody

Every situation's different for everyone, really, and my own approach may not be the best approach for you, so on and so forth. Everyone reacts to their child coming out differently, and you need to keep in mind that there is always the risk of rejection - thus, as said, a place to stay and money to survive is always advisable.

The best way to go about it is to test the waters a bit first - maybe mention about "big" gay issues in the news or on TV, and see how they react? Obviously, a hugely negative reply at this stage is a good indication, but try not to base everything on it - some people may claim to be LGBT-friendly, but it's a different matter when their children are gay; and, similarly, even the most homophobic person may see a change of heart when it comes to their child.

If you decide to go ahead, after building it up, then try to find some time when they're alone and calm, sit them down and take whichever approach is preferable in a calm manner. You can come right out and say "I'm gay", you can try to soften it a bit by saying "I'm attracted to men"; if you're really confident or know they'll accept it, you can even try to make a joke about it (arguably, if they don't accept, you could say with that approach that you were "just joking") etc.

As said, however, be sure to keep in mind that it doesn't always work out - it's always best to have some level of self-sufficiency just in case. If you've got a place to stay, and it doesn't work out well, try not to worry - they may react badly at the time but, given time to think, may change their mind.

I wish you the best of luck whatever you do, hope my advice helped and hope everything works out.

Very well put Daniel Maxwell. Couldn't have said it any better. Like he said, it's going to always unclear how family will react. But we are all here hoping the best for you. There are plenty of places out there to help you. Especially people. So just ask around.

WillEl

WillEl

17 posts

Posted October 22, 2012

Agree with Daniel. You can try some tentative questions or just mention some "gay" facts, then see how they react. Most important, if you are not ready, don't come out in a hurry.

A lot of us have known that fear and have known what that feels to be pressured. In the end, you have to decide for yourself, is this your life? Regardless of your family, if you feel they might push toward a path that isn't good for you, will you follow it or do something about it?
Now don't get me wrong, doing something about it doesn't always mean drastic actions. You can do things that'll send them a clear message that you will what's right for you, not what they want for themself or for you. In the end, you have to make that decision. There will be plenty of people here to help you along the way. So don't hesitate.

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