Rod Stewart sorta makes me want to throw up in my mouth a bit every time I look at him, but I guess he was the bee’s knees back in his ‘Maggie May’ days and used to get plenty of ladies looking to hook up. And GENTLEMEN! Pepaw Rod is 68 years old now, but he wants us all to know he’s been there, done that, got the t-shirt when it comes to being edgy. After all, he once seduced a man – but only because he thought he was a woman!

From The Howard Stern Show:

“There was this beautiful woman and I was thinking, ‘Why aren’t the guys trying to chat her up?’”

“They said, ‘Rod, we have left her for you’. It turned out she was a guy. I finished up in bed with a bloke who had a block and tackle.

“I thought, the guys have set me up, fair enough. I just said, ‘You stay there, I’ll stay over here’.”

When asked how far he had got with his bedmate, he said: “There may have been a peck on the neck.”

Oddly enough, that part made me want to hurl myself off a cliff less than Rod’s thoughts on orgies – because if there’s anything worse than thinking about Rod Stewart having sex with anyone, it’s thinking of Rod Stewart having sex with two someones.

“I never really got into orgies. I tried it with a couple of Japanese girls a long time ago and I found it all a bit disappointing and distracting.”

Well, thank God for that. Don’t go giving me shit for giving Rod Stewart shit, either. I can acknowledge a handsome gent like any human being, but Rod Stewart and his ass cocaine has creeped me out since, well, always.

Rod Stewart offspring and Paris Hilton sidekick Kimberley Stewart, 27, has liver disease from excessive alcohol consumption, her father told Rolling Stone. Before I get into the details, I’d like to note what a great dad Rod Stewart must be. This is really what fathers are for: alerting the national media when your liver malfunctions because you’re a raging alcoholic. It’s like that one time my dad called his buddy at Reuters when I got my first period. I love you, Pops. Seriously, was Rod Stewart drunk when he gave this interview?

Says the elder Stewart: “She just discovered that she had a very serious liver illness from drinking too much. She said to me, ‘Dad, I’m half Scottish – I thought I was allowed to drink a lot.’ “I said, ‘No, darling, it doesn’t work like that.’” Ah, that glorious moment in all father-daughter relationships, when the daughter assumes that her genetic predisposition to alocholism somehow also shields her from its consequences, and the father, wise from many years of drunkenly saying mind-blowingly stupid things in interviews, assures her that this is not the case. Apparently Stewart has quit drinking and smoking three months ago and has started seeing a liver specialist.

If you can believe it, Kim’s brother, Sean, has put some time in at a rehab center for drug and alcohol problems.

On a side note, could this be the “friend” for whom Lindsay Lohan was wearing an AA 90-day chip earlier in the month? Are Lohan and Stewart even friends? I’m not certain, but I do love to speculate on these matters.