Wednesday, 28 February 2007

The Clapper Board.An amazing and rather vital film making tool.On Touch Down we used the clapper board for several things, first of all it enables us to know the slate number, scene, take etc.. but the 'clap' also help us sync the sound.At the moment, Matt, our editor is trawling through the footage while syncing the sound, and that can take hours. So the post production process can be quite lengthy.

I have been giving the third act a real overhaul at the moment, and I've been having a little trouble with a transition moment, despite this, today I gave the first dozen or so pages of the most recent draft of Sex with Friends to Jon at work to have a read. He's got an idea for a film, and I think he should have a go at writing it. Jon though has got me really excited over SwF, it's like a shot of adrenalin when someone reads your work and likes it!

I feel a new found enthusiasm for Act three now. I need to overcome this transition problem and I'm going to dedicate tonight to working my way through it.

Things seem to be getting back to normal at the moment, which is encouraging.I have begun to think more about publicity for findwayfilms.com and I've started working on several different designs. (with a blue colour pallet - Mike is an Everton Fan) I'm thinking about postcards to hand out at the screening of Touch Down and maybe having something fancy printed to send out to prospective corporates.In the meantime, I think it's a good idea to become a member of the New Producers Alliance it's a great opportunity for me to network with other producers and gain contacts for funding as well as attend courses and think-tanks. The only problem is that it's mainly in London. But I like London and it's only half a fucking day away.

I got an email from Dan who has recommended that I put Touch Down on imdb which is cool, Alex would say in his drunken state, one day you'll be on imdb. I didn't think it would be anytime soon!!

Speaking of Alex, He's leaving for Paris on May 16th. I know it's not for another 2 1/2 months yet, But I can't even begin to imagine Manchester without him. Why am I getting emotional over him? it's not for ages yet. The problem with Alex, and it is a problem is that he sets the standard. I've never really met anyone quite like him. (it's certainly not a fancying thing) I've been really good at keeping the straights at bay (emotionally) I was out with Andy and he was like "Do you fancy him..?, What about him?" and the thing is, I didn't fancy anyone. Which isn't too much of a problem, because if I ever ended up going out with anyone like Alex, then it'll certainly be worth the wait.

I was thinking while I was riding the bus home tonight about my weekend, when I lost it a little.Perhaps we have to loose it now and again, just so we can gain that control back and.. I feel a lot better now that I thrashed out all that emotion on the dancefloor

Monday, 26 February 2007

I have been thinking today about why people get wasted when they're feeling like shit.Last night, Everything just got to me, my head imploded and I just had to get fucked.So Andy, my housemate, and a couple of friends did just that.I fell off the wagon, so to speak, and after several pills, some CK and a bottle and a half of wine I felt utterly off my face, and in Queer, followed by Essential I danced like a complete twat while chewing my face, which is simply unsurprising.

The thing is, I know that getting fucked wont solve anything.But what it does do is delete the moment. I feel that dancing my ass off on the dance floor just helped me get rid of some of the energy that has built up with all the stress.and yes, I know nothing has changed. But maybe I have? maybe, instead of worrying about things that I have no control over, maybe.. just maybe, I should try and put them to the back on my mind and concentrate on the things that are important to me.

I've felt before like nothing will be able to pull me out of the hole I'm in. Until I realised that the only person who can do that is me. And maybe, just maybe. I remember how.

Sunday, 25 February 2007

I don't quite know why; but everything seems to be an uphill struggle at the moment.I guess I can be forgiven for being in a total shit state considering everthing has gone to shit at home and I seem to be spending more and more time drunk up here. I fucking hate empathy. I have this fucking aweful ability to give a shit about others and when I found out my brother was being charged with murder and all the crap that my mum is going through back home -What can I do?! Fucking nothing, that's what.At the moment i'm feeling really isolated. I can't seem to get myself out of this hole.The thing is I have been in holes like this before, But I slug myway though them and try and come out at the other side, with something learned, etc..But is there a light at the end of the tunnel? because I'm beginning to believe that what you find at the end of the tunnel isn't a light, it isn't even toontown.. it's just another tunnel, with another problem and another load of shit to deal with.

I can't even think about Touch Down at the moment either. I've tried to throw myself into it, but I just want to scream "why's it fucking taking sooo long?!?!" The thing is I know the answer to that question.. but that doesn't seem to stop me from asking myself it over and over...So I've been trying to teach myself how to build the website in flash, and so far I can make a fucking stoopid line move across the screen.

I went to the cinema today to see Hot Fuzz, which was pretty good, and normally going to the cinema really helps me get over what ever shit I am going through.. no such luck, i'm afraid. So I thought if I went to see Alex might help. I had to stop myself from bursting into tears in front of him and left.

So, at home as I write this I'm going to drop and e. drink and bottle of Jacobs Creek's finest and have a few lines of coke.

This is my path of self destruction. (Well, just for the next few hours) Lets hope that Carl the dealer can do what Simon Pegg couldn't.

It's just gone six in the morning and I can't sleep at all. I seem to have been dropping in and out of some kind of pathetic sleep pattern all night. I've been in a continual 'fucked off' mood for the last forty hours and nothing seems to want to shift it.It also doesn't help that I've just lit my last cigarette.The problem with me is, and it is a problem, is that simply - I expect too much from peopleI'm really pissed off with Alex, for reasons I'm 100% sure he wouldn't was me to go into online.I'm pissed off because after emailing Robin, he ignored AGAIN after we arranged to meet up.I was talking to Kat about stuff earlier (well, yesterday now...) and it seems no matter how much you think you know a person they still manage to surprise you and sometimes not in a good way.fuck it. I'm going to have a spliff.

The answer to the question I asked myself "Am I dating anyone?" is "no"Yesterday, I was supposed to be meeting Robin after work. We spoke on the phone on Tuesday and he seemed quite enthused. I guess I don't really know men at all.The thing is this - I'm quite happy to admit that I want a relationship - I'm quite ready for a boyfriend. I feel secure enough to be able to handle the commitment of a relationship.But being ready for one doesn't make it any easier to get into one.But I think I'm just better off concentrating on my career. If someone comes along, that'll be great, but I just feel a little disappointed.I shouldn't of had sex on the first date.fuck it. I needed to get laid and I thought he'd stick around. Never mind, eh - plenty more fish and all that.

Wednesday, 21 February 2007

For the first time in my life, I am surrounded by gay men.It's not like I've got this sudden influx of male attention, but Kat and I are living with a gay house share. I always said that gay men irritate me. But I'd never really been able to put my finger on why they do. But I've given this some thought over the last few days;First of all, The gay men I have met, (Apart from Robin) have lives that revolve around the village. The world begins at one end of Canal Street, at the union, and end around the corner at Essentials. The problem is that when people lives start and end with a party, I find that, yes, it's funny and entertaining, but after a while it's kinda sad, and rather boring.This weekend, another Random was over and spend the day channel hopping while his host lay on the sofa coming down after a night on pills. He asked me if he can use the shower, and I was like, "sure", at the time I thought he was a friend, I mean, what kinda guy would spend the majority of the day in a room, that gradually got darker, watching crappy soaps, while the person who he was expecting to get laid with crashed out on the couch? It just seems a little sad. I don't think I would ever do that to someone I brought home.Another thing that gets me (and this is something I am guilty of) is the obvious obsession with men. They seem to talk only about sex. sexuality and who they fancy. I just think it's really boring. Sometimes I wonder if that's what I sound like to my other friends. Because if I'm anything like that. I must be well boring.

Tuesday, 20 February 2007

I recently bought the domain name www.findawayfilms.com which I'm pretty excited about. I'm currently working on the website and also attempting to teach myself flash. But I'll let you know when it's up and running. Touch Down will also be uploaded as soon as it is complete.

Sarah Jessica Parker is much much better at writing about relationships and things of that persuasion than I am. Lets face it, sex with friends is about quite possibly some of the most fucked up relationships there are out there.

Since I’ve mentioned Sex with Friends, I thought it might be interested to add that I’ve nearly finished. As things happen to me, good things, bad things, stressful things, I think about how I can apply these experiences to my writing. I talked to Mike about what’s been going on back home and he said I should use these experiences to make my writing more personal. It’s wonderful to have a business partner who is on the same page as me.

So, professionally things are going rather well.

Now the one question I get asked more and more about from people back home is “How’s things on the man front?” and up to very recently they’ve been a little dry. It’s not bothered me too much but in all honesty I have felt rather lonely when it comes to intimacy. And I do admit that my rather fucked up sexual past when it comes to straight men is certainly not something I am proud of. (Though it does make a good story to tell the lads down the local)

There are certain rules that we have come to learn about when it comes to dating. i.e. You don’t sleep with someone on the first date, a goodbye kiss should suffice.. (okay, so immediately I have not been adhering to these rules) it’s just that we are all human and therefore, the urges of the body are something that we all find difficult to restrain.

I could be crude and say that in the cinema the other day, I became so moist because R turned me on so much. But I wont. Hehehehe

The thing is that first impressions are supposed to count the most. So by sleeping with some on the first date, does that mean that a precedent is created and therefore the whole union is going to be purely based on sex?

Then again, being gay, things are slightly different, we live in a world of gaydar.co.uk and Canal Street. Where Sex is quite possibly oozing from the drains. My housemate manages to bed quite a few men, and it’s quite shocking, though rather unsurprising as the gay scene is very sexual. That’s why the fights in gay bars are kept to a minimum*, because we all just want to get laid.

*most fights are because someone has probably slept with someone’s boyfriend. And even then, they’re quite short and rather funny.

But how do you make the transition from “shagging like rabbits” to “steady couple”? I have often seen though my friends relationships that sometimes when the former begins to die down it becomes apparent that the latter will never be.

This makes me also think about the truth and lies. No one intentionally lies (unless you are a total cunt) and therefore you would think that you would get to know a person, so the transition that I’ve been talking about is something that is rather care-free.

I don’t really know what I am talking about, which is rather obvious.But lets just say. I’m excited. And he’s really nice.

Monday, 19 February 2007

What a mixed weekend I've had. I woke up on Friday and had what was quite possibly the longest ever day at work, so you can imagine my surprise when 5pm can about and I finally got to go home. Alex was working till 11, so we had planned to go out for a few drinks.I was trotting round Asda in my usual style, Basket hanging off my arm in a way that would even make Julie Andrews wish she had a little more grace. Chatting away to my mum and my sister in law about Touch Down and a few projects that are on the horizon, But I can't even begin to explain how sick I felt when my mum said that she needed to tell me something, but she physically couldn't do it, so she passed the phone to Diane."Ronnie's in court, he's being charged with Murder."I felt sick, thank god I was in the spirit isle.A brawl, that started in a bar, and ended outside on the street, happening over a year ago, I knew that the other guy was hospitalised and I even knew that he was in a coma. But that was a year ago, and I hadn't given it much thought. But last week, tragically, he died.Ronnie had already been charged with assault with regards to this, but I don't think anyone expected this.Eyes filling up and loosing my grip on my basket, which now housed a bottle rum and coke. I quickly hit the check out and left.

I walked back home, and my head was all over the place, strange, but I had so many thoughts rushing through my mind, but I can't even begin to recall any of them. Even at the time, being able to grab onto one thought and analyse it just didn't even seem like a possibility.

------

Do you know what I like about rum and coke?

It gets you fucked.

I got to the hostel and Alex and I stared drinking like it was our last day of freedom. After Alex, gleefully tried to help a guy who had got locked out of his room, the actual lock had broken and he had no shoes "Alex, stop taking your job so seriously" I declared in my drunken state and insisted that he, I, Marcus and Paul headed to the nearest bar.

The problem is whenever people feel low (people like me) they automatically head for a spliff or to some alcoholic beverage of some kind. Now, a spliff would have just knocked me out. but I quit that (for fuck sake..) and so the rum was my new Friend. But feeling like shite and gradually growing more and more drunk. I just felt sooo shite. Sitting in company bar at 4am, I found myself staring at the floor trying to hold on to one of the many thoughts rushing though my head, comforted by Alex, we went back to the hostel and I grabbed a bite to eat before systematically passing out on the couch, before being woken up at 6am by Paul, who had just returned from the bar. I went to my bed, which I wisely booked myself into earlier that evening, where on route I discovered someone had drew a cock on Alex's face. Nice.

The sun rose on Saturday morning, and it felt like a blade slicing open my eye. I fell out of bed and took the 30 second journey to Barbarella, to finally get my haircut.So, 14 months after the last time I had the chop, the hairdresser went to work. It's a cross between Harry Potter and Barbara Windsor. I'll attach a pic soon. All I can say is my neck feels cold.

Kissing to Casablanca

One of my all time favourite movies was playing at the cornerhouse this weekend, and since it's the perfect date movie, I asked Robin if he wanted to come with me, so we went for a few drinks and chatted until literally minutes before the film began, so we downed our pints and headed to the cinema.After snogging during the movie, when we went to the toilet, and after the movie, lets just say we had a cool day. Was a nice contrast to how the weekend began.

Thursday, 15 February 2007

Tuesday morning. 6am start. Well, that was the initial idea. Mike and I didn't manage to set off until just after 9. And just for laughs, Mike lost his keys. On the road, McDonalds in the belly and with a few hundred miles of road ahead of us we were on our way to London. Heading down the M6, there was a bit of a crash on the road (going the other way (too Manchester)) and there was a queue of cars that went on for about 20 miles. It reminded me of the time Janie, Miya and myself we stuck in traffic all the way to Leeds. Was not exactly one of the highlights of my life....So after a slow start and a quick piss stop, we hit London town around lunchtime. And went searching for a car park. Tony Streeter and Michael Keogh found us as I was once again about to have my bladder explode all over the car, and I'm sure they were both still wasted from the night before. We parked up in China town (FYI Parking in London is stupidly expensive, and with the congestion charge!?!?! (Ken, you need stringing up, mate))Deciding to drop the neg off to Smoke & Mirrors before we were due to begin the telecine and grade at 5, I grew increasingly more worried as I headed down brewer street, thinking, "where the fuck is it?!" A phone call and three more streets away later and we were there, right opposite RSA (yeah, that's the bloke to did Alien) in the heart of the media district of Soho.

(One day we'll have frosted glass windows)

Mike and I arrived back at 5, and shortly afterwards we got to see the first shot of the film. I looked at Mike whose eyes didn't want to leave the monitor to begin with and I just smiled. I smiled like I was on drugs. It was beautiful, as we went through the footage, I grew increasingly more excited We are on to something special here. Even though we did not have any sound to hear at this stage, from the expressions on the actors faces, they just nailed it.

Dan (DoP) and Tubbs (Gaffer) also came down later, which was great as Dan, with his experience of grading worked with Ned, to get the best out of the footage that we had.

It's amazing how big a part grading plays in the post production process, what you 'film' is rarely what you 'see' the negative is run though a projector which uploads the images in real time on a server. using equipment that frankly looks intimidating colours is added, taken, altered, light is removed etc... and it gives the image depth. (for the want of a better word) It took us around 51/2 - 6 hours to go through our two hours of footage.

That night, the footage is then transferred onto Digibeta (broadcast standard media), ready for us to collect the next morning.

So after a quick bite to eat, Mike and I (with Tony) headed back to his, where my infamous snoring, decided to make a cameo... We left London around noon the next day tapes and neg in hand back up north....

Everything seems to be coming together rather nicely. Our editor is working really hard on a rather popular BBC 2 programme at the moment, which has already begun broadcast, so he's already working around the clock, but the star that he is, we should have some rushes on DVD soon.

Though Mike has asked that I don't upload any images onto the Internet until the film is nearing completion, But trust me. It's all very good. I'm so excited I could Piss my pants.

Monday, 12 February 2007

I've been lucky enough this year to have seen most of the films that were major nominees at this years BAFTAs, so I curled up with a tall glass of luke warm coca-cola to watch it,

I must admit I have not seen The Last King of Scotland, but it is next on my list. (After Notes on a Scandle)

So this year there were no big winners. I'm glad the obvious winners won though, because the qualilty of some stood out from the rest of the nominations. I'm talking of course about Little Miss Sunshine winning best original screenplay, Children of Men winning best cinematography, and Pan's Labrynth winning Best film not in the English Language, and of course, there was The Queen, Helen Mirren obviously winning best actress, but I was a little surprised to see The Queen win best film. I did love The Queen, but I wanted Little Miss Sunshine to take it, but I guess I exepected it to go to Babel.

Big surprise, but not bad in the slightest was seeing Paul Greengrass win for Achievement in Direction for the marvellous United 93. I had never considered that he might win, but when I heard him name called, I thought to myself, "actually, yeah" But his speech sucked. 9/11 is sooo 2001.

Best Speech of the evening went to The first editor to ever be awarded with The BAFTA fellowship, Anne Coates. Humble and wonderful.

All in all a good year, no clear winners, which is what I like about BAFTA, It hardly seems to be bias towards one particular film, particularly when it comes to winners.

I'm ready to start dating.Sounds weird doesn't it? I have been going in swings and roundabouts with this for weeks now. But I'm flat hunting tomorrow with a guy called Russ who is gay, mid twenties and he just completed his masters, he, like me is looking for things to be far less dramatic and wants a quiet one, and despite seeing a lovely apartment yesterday, I don't really want to live with a hippy who parties all the time (been there, done that) -- Though, I'd love to have been able to use the gym!!! (once, then get bored of it!)

There is guy at work, and I'm not sure if he's gay. I've been dropping little hints, because I don't want to make the mistake of becoming his friend. Sounds weird, but here me out: (Nb. totally nicked this from Friends) I make friends quite easily, and they only ever see me as a friend. Unfortunately, I'm not instantly fanciable. (No bother, I made my peace with that a long time ago) but I want people to know that I fancy them, and as soon as I have my own place, I'll feel more confident and want to ask people out - (knowing there is a bottle of Asti chilling in the fridge)

I'm sounding really pathetic. But right now, I really fancy a nice meal, with some lovely wine, while wearing a shirt in a restaurant with someone I fancy. The last person I did that with was Chris, and that situations was nothing short of fucked up!

Wednesday, 7 February 2007

GRRRR....We not doing the telecine now until Monday; and that'llprobably go over into Tuesday, so Mike and I have to wait another few days before we can finally see the footage. It's been mental today, trying to do my 'job' while also ducking out every few minutes to put my producer hat on.

In the meantime, I've been researching development and funding routes, so when Touch Down hits the festival circuit, we have our next projects ready and waiting. Sex With Friends is nearly finished, What would be my 'unofficial Fourth Draft' will become my Official First Draft. Once that's done (in the next week) I'll be concentrating my efforts on a treatment.

Mike also has his feature in tow which he will be working on, So It's going to be great for when we have our 'industry' screening to be able to tell executives about further projects.

I've also been approached my a production company in London to work as a production co-ordinator on a feature film which is going into production at the end of Feb, I've invited the director and the producer of the project up to Manchester for the screening of Touch Down and It'll give me a chance to meet them.

In the meantime, Selling my soul isn't going too bad. The people here are wicked and well easy to get along with -

I may have been giving the impression that I'm struggling up here. I've been here 3 months now and I love every minute, the dramatic moments in my life will make me a better writer and the fact that I've had constant communication with friends back home is a blessing. I've made some wonderful friends up in Manchester who I cherish. It's weird, but only a handful of people, like Kat, Janie, Steven can see the real change in my life, giving up weed was such a good idea and just being positive and proactive. And yes, I do like to talk (and I love writing this blog) but the thing is These words, Are not just words. These things in my life are actually happening. And sometimes I can't believe it.A year ago, just 1 year ago, I was deserted by the two people in my life I thought would be there forever. And now, They are a lifetime away, because I have moved on with my life, In many ways. And even though I am the same person. I am so different, you probably wouldn't even recognise me. The only thing that reminds me of that time is a scar on my arm, and It reminds me of how much I have changed. And every time I see it, I smile. Because I turned everything around.

Tuesday, 6 February 2007

Jobs. Jobs. Jobs.One thing about 90% of the positions that I have done in the past have one thing in common. The feeling. The feeling that I just want to go home. Have you ever literally fallen asleep for a second at work. I have plenty of times. My eyelids feel like they weigh a ton, and I'm so tired that I could whitey from smoking a cigarette.my start time was pushed from 9am to 8.45am; fucking great. that's 15 mins in bed that I have lost (In fact it's more like 20 mins as I've always had trouble with pre-9am starts)The truth is my CV reads like a yellow pages. I've always given my best at whatever I've done (to an extent) and People have praised me for it. I was described as an 'asset' at Aerofone, despite never being able to make it in for 8.30am and always being stoned in the second half of the day. (it was summer, though)But then I moved to Manchester.New Start.New Job.New Attitude.New Feeling? Nope. I still just wanted to get home.HKW was pretty boring. back at Wetherspoons I was getting death threats. (lovely) and I simply could not be bothered.after HKW finished I put my CV out on mymanchesterjobs.co.uk and got a call from a lovely girl called Sarah, she had a client, Adidas, who my be interested in meeting me. While on the phone I explained the gap in my CV was when I was writing Sex With Friends, she told her partner was directing a film he had written and was looking for a producer. "Have you produced anything before?" In 1999 I had directed The Edge of Town, So I told her about that. Asking if it was okay to pass my number on to Mike, I obviously said yes and a couple of days later Mike phoned me. We met for a coffee between Christmas and New years and talked about the project. Most of the crew were in place, but because of the need to push the shoot back some of them needed to be replaced as they had other commitments, and a budget still needed to be finalised, so we set to work.I was working again, this time between 12 and 17 hours a day, from home, on location, recceing, and do you know what, I didn't want to go home, not once did I watch the clock and never did I think, "fuck man, I'm bored"That horrible feeling had gone away. I'd found my calling.But with only expenses keeping my head afloat, I was getting a little nervous. Loving the film and being torn between my financial responsibilities brought be to tears. Things were becoming tense between me and Kat and several arguments exploded. Two weeks before production Mike said that he'd "understand if I had to walk away" and that he wouldn't hold it against me. But there was no way I was walking away from this. The feeling of dreading my job had finally gone, and thinking back to what my brother, Jonny had said to me about eight years ago "We're working Class, Ant. We're always going to have to work and graft for what we want" I wondered, Does that mean I have to live with that horrible feeling for the rest of my life? NO THANK YOU.I battled on into and through production and the film was in the can. A job well done. A starved bank account. It needed a feeding and pretty quickly.Hitting the agencies to find a job, the same week as gang members moved into the flat stopped me from getting any real rest after the film. My skin has exploded and I have the eyes of a junkie. But I'm back at work. Sitting in an office, with a phone, a PC, a time sheet and The Feeling that I just want to go home.And there is nothing more depressing than that.The difference is that I have seen and had the role where that feeling is nothing but a distant memory - and I can do that job better and with more passion than any other bollocks.So here we go, work. get my own place. Get some corporate work. Be ahead in my rent by a few months. Quit this job. get a part time job. Develop a feature film, in fact, develop two, get more corporate, get some work on a crew to get more set experience. Because then and only then will the feeling only ever be a distant memory, and that 40/50 hours a week we spend at work, will be something that I look forward too.

Monday, 5 February 2007

Kate Winslet has just given the performance of a lifetime. (and forget that Titanic bollocks)I have literally been blown away by a film called 'Little Children'. The film unravelled like a ribbon with one of the best screenplays ever.Now, I've had this film sitting on my hard drive for ages now and it's taken me ages to want to watch it, and I have no idea why! It's fucking marvellous. It's so deep and complex, heartbreaking and with a narrator speaking in the third person, it's like being told a piece of classic literature.Characters stem from so many different backgrounds, from the desperate housewives, the neighbourhood paedophile, the lonely stay at home mother and father, the oblivious children and the mother who's love in unconditional.Expertly directed by Todd Philips, who's previous film In The Bedroom, I also really liked, I do think if you want to see a film with a structure that keeps you wanting more, then see this. Because trust me, I'm going to find a copy of the screenplay, because the writing is just brilliant.

Sunday, 4 February 2007

So Sunday has come and gone in the most uneventful way.. like most Sundays, I can imagine. My old Landlord, Taz has assured me that I've not heard from the last of him. Fucking Great.

Crashing with Kat is already taking it's toll. I've a viewing of an apartment on Wednesday, which is great, but I can't afford to move in until I have some cash, but I'm working, so all I can really do is wait. I'll explain to the guy who's apartment it is and see if we can come to some arrangement. I've been asked to make myself scarce tomorrow night as Kat's landlord is coming over and he has no idea that I am staying here... wouldn't be a problem, only she may not be able to let him know about me being here as she may be having cocktails with a friend. So what can I do? She suggested going to coffee shop and doing some writing, only I am out of the 'notes' phase and in the final stretch, so I really need my PC. I suggested going to the cinema with the last £11 that I have, but she doesn't like that idea (as I would be spending) though I doubt she fully understands the cost of an extra hot latte.

So many thoughts have been rushing through my head "If I'd not done the film, I wouldn't be in this situation", "Don't worry Ant, it'll all be good.. just hold on a few more weeks", "for god's sake, why doesn't she just call him and clear it with him" I am beginning to feel like a Jew hiding from the SS during world war 2. Nothing seems to run smoothly for me... all I want is a secure home, a nice boyfriend and a successful business. (yeah, perhaps that is a little too much to ask from a guy who seems to spend most of his life running) -- but I am tired of running my metaphorical legs are getting tired. (though my figure is looking great)

So this has been my first Saturday sandwiched between 'normal' work in over a month. So I decided to do something with it. I went to get my haircut. And failed.Everywhere was either busy or needed to have a bloody appointment, or they were too expensive. God Damn it! Where is Jagged Edge (from Bedford) when you need it!?

So after doing some window shopping for laptops that I cannot afford (yet) I got chance to have a little play on the new Windows Vista. And it's pretty. Very Pretty, Vista Pretty, in fact.

It looks like a cool skin for XP, but it does seem to run quicker, and the alt+tab shit, looks pretty sweet. I want it. But then again, I'm a sucker for marketing.

Last night, I found myself getting rather wasted with Andy (a guy I live with) and his friend Robbie, who is also cool (he's having some property drama of his own - must be a new trend "Would everyone, like, stop trying to copy me, like") -- So I got no writing done what so ever, So tonight after watching the entire first series of Shameless, I've made a start, page sixty something and counting.I'm really nervous about giving it to Mike to read now. I've had loads of positive stuff from people about it and I've worked on the bits that needed polishing, but he is such a perfectionist, and I really hold his opinion in high esteem.. fuck me, what if he thinks it's crap? I'll be devastated!!

On the man front, I've been chatting to a guy (who shall remain nameless at this point) but he's really nice, I feel like I can talk to him for hours on msn (and we do).. I haven't yet met him in person, but I finally spoke to him on the phone. We're going to hook up soon, and I'm pretty excited. I'm not expecting anything, but it's been so long, I think it would be nice to have dinner with someone I actually like instead of someone I tolerate. And Alex is definitely not turning gay. Trust me.

Friday, 2 February 2007

As I mentioned before, I am not a violent person. I don't surround myself with people who use intimidation as a way to get what they want. So last night, Kat and I did the right thing.

We Ran.

Kat had viewed a house is Hulme, where she only needed to meet the housemates before moving in, so last night after introducing ourselves and telling them of our situation, we loaded up the car and got the fuck out of dodge.

It was a bit of an anti climax as we picked up the negative and I was on cloud nine!!! but eh, fuck it...

I started a crappy temp job this week at some insurance company, and It has done one positive thing (other than give me a half decent wage) it's given me the determination to get my treatment finished so we can get some cash to develop Sex With Friends and Grace's Story. (and a few corprates to get the cash in!)

So I'm not going to let this get me down. Because the future is bright. And it smells of film.

Thursday, 1 February 2007

I hate thugs, I don't associate myself with them, I cross the street from them and I don't agree that people should get what they want because they threaten violence.So thanks to my landlord Taz, I'm living with one.The whole atmosphere in the house has changed. My new housemate has quite proudly described himself as 'the closest thing to the mafia we (Kat and I) are ever going to meet'.

So what do I do about living with a thug? I'm moving out anyway, so I can just deal with it? Taz was blinded by my new housemate handing over 6 months rent in cash! (yes, In cash!) (oh, and a bit extra) There is something very fucked up about this situation, and I for one think the police should have a firm eye on this building.