Sports Fan Like Me

Sports Fan Like MeBy Cody Brotter

When I hear the guys talking about the latest baseball stats or fantasy league picks, they might as well be talking Swahili. I can’t comprehend a damn word. Sports-talk is its own language, and for those like me who aren’t fluent have a way to fake it for the bros and for the h—women. In other words, if you can’t speak it, wear it.

That’s why I’ve been buying a ton of sports t-shirts. The amount of fist-pounds I get per day from a dude I don’t even know just for wearing a Green Bay Packers shirt or a Baltimore Ravens hoodie makes me feel like a quarterback.

One of my friends is a huge hockey fan and doesn’t go a day without wearing an NHL t-shirt, just like my baseball buddy won’t be caught wearing anything besides his MLB tees.

On campus, you’ll get props for supporting your college team. And it goes without saying those of the fairer sex who wear sports t-shirts always get special attention from the less-fairer sex (that’d be us, fellas). Maybe you want your kid to grow up rooting for the Sox instead of the Yankees—and that little Red Sox t-shirt could be vital in his development. Even Freud would be going, “It should have a unconscious impact…”

And for us guys, it’s a great way to meet fine females. I’ll be sitting on a park bench somewhere and before I know it, some blonde will walk over and say, “You a Patriots fan, too?”

“Yeah,” I say, pretending like I don’t even know I’m wearing the team t-shirt. “How’d you guess?And as they say on the field, SCORE!