Saturday, January 16, 2010

Superdaddyman Takes on TOKE - Volume 1

The streets are filled with many of the great dangers that haunt society, but today it is the Caped Pervader that willingly adds more menace to the already over burdened system. He doesn't have to, you see, but it has been age since our favorite young {zip it!} super villain turned super hero has taken the prisoner transport through the streets to parade true evil for the awe struck masses. In a stroke of genius he decided at the last minute to make the scenario dire, by allowing the muscle of The Terrorist Organization Known as the Evils's {TOKE} drive the Superdaddymobile so to allow the Superdaddyman some extra recovery time from his injuries, while keeping a better eye on the fair maidens of Megalopolis. In some circles this could be considered an act of superior bravery on our hero, and in others it would simply show the lack of judgment. After all the major purpose of crime fighting is to get from point A to point B with as little incident as possible, but safe is for the inferior class super heroes and not for the whole-assedness that is the Superdaddyman!

There were of course, certain steps that had to be taken before a mission such as this could be undertaken. The Superdaddyman saw opportunity to use the minions of evil to his advantage {as only a keen mind can after all} before they set off on the mission. Taking a bio-hazardous recovery tool {trash bag} he set the diabolical Captain ADHD off to do the unimaginable {clean the minivan} with the zeal that only a criminal of his ability could. His special mastery of the art of “spastic endeavor” was crucial to securing the adequate usage of the Superdaddymobile Grande 1as his little hands can find the things that the larger hands of the Superdaddyman can't reach. It isn't easy shoving empty coffee cups hither and yon, but imagine the sheer hell of trying to dislodge them as well! Captain ADHD through the art of “ass kissery” can manage these tasks quickly and easily should the “other” aspect of the mission be fulfilled {keeping Imtoocutus out of the way} at the same time. Lazius Boycrazius can be used to muscle the massive piles of contraband {trash} from the vehicle to the Casa. Her willingness to be in control of the Superdaddymobile Grande is all the encouragement needed to get her assistance.

The hardest part at this point is keeping TOKE clueless as to where the missions are to be on this day. Lesser non super heroes throughout the land of Megalopolis might not quite comprehend the reasoning for this, but it is easier to catch evil flatfooted from place to place, and keep the “Iwanta's” to a controllable minimum. At the first stop {Circle K} the “Iwanna's” will range from the usual list {gum, candy, sodas, magazines, donuts, slushies, hot dogs etc etc} and by having less notification and a clear path of the mission at hand {grab smokes and get the hell out} the Superdaddyman is less likely to pry things from evils's death grip {EDG} and be off. Even the best laid plans often fail, but on this day it happened to be a success. Mission one down!

Keeping TOKE clueless as to the next stop {Honeydew} was not so easy and actually the Superdaddyman dropped the ball in one of the rare times that he does. Foolishly he offered to get the evils's “something” and this started a rousing level of incompetence that would leave the usual super hero in shame, but the Superdaddyman really has none of that. He does start to gauge his own stupidity at times like this, and often too late. It was made far worse by the fact that the guy working the drive thru window was brand spanking new, and not completely familiar with the English language. The evils's were tripping over themselves to shout out various things that you can't even get there, and then started working on the things that you could actually get there had they not been sold out. Of course there really is no way of knowing if these things were or were not sold out as the person on the other end of the communications device wasn't really sure what a “smoothie” was. The Superdaddyman was forced to shut down this link of communication as evils's would be required to get back to the Eastern Detention Center {EDC or school} by Tuesday, and this engagement surely wouldn't end before Thursday. Oh well. After about 15 minutes the faction was off with the Superdaddyman's two Ice Coffees and three pissed off evils's.

The last stop {The Book Store} was a little ways away and our brave young {hey!} super hero, find his personal sanity already hanging from a rather thin tether. Lazius Boycrazius has managed to gain this new habit of coming to a complete stop in the middle of the road whenever the vehicle in front of them taps their breaks. Her new found fan club following, or passing the Superdaddymobile have been demonstrating various forms of sign language that Lazius Boycrazius is going to need to understand if her driving skills don't improve, but force the Superdaddyman into awkward questions from the other two every time they are revealed. In the end when the Superdaddymobile winds up in the parking lot of their destination, he is simply left to explain the joys of “pothole avoidance” to the biggest of the evils's. It's amazing how one can be in denial of smashing through potholes though when the vehicle is still shaking from the last one.

This stop of course was for the evils's. The Superdaddyman encouraged them to pick out reading material for their cells {bedrooms} when there is a lights out scenario {quiet reading time} As difficult as it was to get them to stop demanding things be purchased for them before, it was impossible to get them to pick out things for purchase with free reign! Imtoocutus had taken to running around the place and hiding from everyone, Captain ADHD had taken to running after her, and trying to find her, and Lazius Boycrazius trying to trip them both. After around the third time of having “the talk” with them he was reduced to picking out books for them. In all fairness Captain ADHD had walked right in, and walked right to the spot of the books he wanted, but the other two were hopeless. In turn Lazius Boycrazius had managed to pick out “Warriors” books {something to do with cats} for Imtoocutus, and the Superdaddyman grabbed the Charlaine Harris books for Lazius Boycrazius. For those in abstract shock because they just realized that Superdaddyman had just grabbed the “True Blood” books for a seventeen year old, they aren't even close really to being like the HBO series and at worst are PG-13. The Superdaddyman after all reads the books Lazius Boycrazius does before, or immediately after. Even those abysmal Twilight books which were a TOTAL ripoff of the Sookie Stackhouse ones he just handed Big Evil.

Back in the Superdaddymobile, our crime fighter feels his aching teeth rattle as lazius Boycrazius continues to work on her pothole avoidance skills. The longer trip back {it's always longer back as the evils's realize they got what they want now and can be as naughty and loud as they want} the evils's found to their horror that despite the fear of having Lazius Boycrazius in charge of the rolling fortress known at the Superdaddymobile Grande, the Superdaddyman is free to turn around and beat them. It takes them a while to catch on, but by the end of the drive a simple peering in the Sean Hannity {Vanity} mirror would stop them cold and silent. It's never an easy job to get your wild animal training in, but all of Megalopolis can sleep better knowing that the Superdaddyman is on the case to keep TOKE in line. Even if it means putting his own life in danger by allowing the Big Evil to do the stunt driving. ;8o)

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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