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"Are you their Nanny or Something?"

Hi, I’m Krystle. I’m new to HDYDI, I’m a wife to a Firefighter, a daughter, a friend, who is newly-back-to-work-full-time, a blogger, a type A, a runner, a clean freak, a true multi-tasker, and a mother-extraordinaire to 13-month-old fraternal (we think) twin girls… Did you get all that?

I’ve always preferred to be busy, perhaps that’s why fate decided I was meant to have twins. I enthusiastically went straight from undergraduate to graduate school, then on to marriage. Ironically, we conceived our twin daughters, on our honeymoon, in the city that was founded by twin brothers – Roma! Hopefully, my twins don’t kill each other in the end… Yikes!

We knew we wanted to start a family immediately. We just didn’t expect it to happen exactly 9 months from the month we were married… Yes, I carried them full term… We also didn’t expect to be blessed with TWINS! They don’t run in my family and honestly, the possibility never crossed our minds. We were beyond thrilled and still, 13 months later, we are giddy with joy over these two munchkins. Though tough at times, our girls have brought us closer and enriched our lives in ways I never thought possible. Is it crazy to say I hope we have twins again when we are ready to think about baby #3 (and possibly #4)? So keep in mind as I post, that I’m deliriously in love with these two little love-bugs that make me laugh on an hourly basis.

This story all started one sunny, August afternoon… After groggily making it through our morning routine, I decided to take the girls out of the house. Naturally, I stopped by Dunkin Donuts to re-energize. Thanks to new teeth painfully cutting through my toddlers’ gums, we hadn’t slept well all week. The girls just learned to walk and strapping them into a cart or stroller was out of the question, I didn’t want to deal with whining and crying. So, I decided on the park. A nice, fenced in park, with wood chips and toddler friendly climbing and swings. Taking two walking toddlers out is hard work, and nerve-wrecking… but since they were newborns, I have always insisted that we take the girls out and not be afraid we won’t be able to “handle it.”

Once I let the girls out of their monstrous double stroller, they took off! They were giggling, wobbling around like little penguins, falling down, tossing wood-chips, and tasting things left and right. Of course, I had “A” headed to my left and “E” was headed in the complete opposite direction. I let them explore, but always kept an eye on each of them.

Then I see them… the park Moms. I decide to be social and head their way. They smile and nod. They state that the girls are “so cute,” and ask if they are twins. I state the obvious, that yes they are in fact twins.

Then one of the Mom’s asks me: “Are you their Nanny or something?”

I reply, “I’m their Mother.”

She awkwardly stammers in response “Oh.. Uh.. Well… they are just so well behaved.”

Thanks?

I was immediately offended… was it my scrambling around; my frantic corralling behavior? My immature hair in a messy bun? My lack of make-up? My track shorts, tank top, flip-flops, and iced coffee? Was it the fact that my girls were better dressed than I was? Was it the fact that I’m in my mid twenties with twin toddlers? Why did these women think I was their nanny? Her tone really pushed me over the edge as it implied I couldn’t possibly be their mother.

Now, I’ve received the statements that some of our other bloggers have echoed: “better you than me!” “You must be exhausted” “double trouble!” and even the simple shudder at the thought of two newborns… But, are you serious? Their NANNY?

Yes, it’s true, you’re chances of conceiving twins increases with age and pregnancies. Also, with the increasing use of fertility drugs, older mothers are having multiples more often. So, it’s more common to see twins being raised by older parents. However, there are young mothers that have twins. Just because I am a young mother, this does not mean I am less responsible. I can relate to Dr. Lisa’s sentiments upon first bringing her “little burritos” and wondering, What Now? I have come to terms with the fact that I am a “Good Enough Mother” though it wasn’t until recently that I unrealistically strived to be a perfect mother. Just as I was done trying to do everything “right,” these park Moms shook me and threw me right back into the whirlwind of doubt.

Are there any young mothers to multiples out there that have faced the same playground discrimination that I have?

19 thoughts on “"Are you their Nanny or Something?"”

Oh my goodness- I have so been there. I’m young and get the “babysitter” looks all the time. Stop doubting yourself right now. The playground ladies can be so judgmental to us twin moms. I just smile and think to myself… “lady, shut it down.. even on your best day you couldn’t hack this!” or better yet: “yeah, I’m the hot babysitter!”

I have not gotten the babysitter remark, but we had the opposite, our (5′ even, maybe 90 lbs.) nanny was out with my boys in the stroller at about 9 months and some random woman felt the need to tell her, “don’t worry, it took me almost two years to lose the baby weight.” Which is to say people stink. And I can tell you with two walking toddlers I don’t have time to care what other people think when we are at the park. My boys have a blast, and we are all better for getting out together.

I’m not young , (41 when I had my twins, 43 now), but I’ve definitely been mistaken for the nanny as well. Don’t feel too bad – I’ve also been mistaken for the grandmother, which isn’t likely to happen to you. (And my husband, out with our kids at the park, was assumed to be the “groundskeeper” – not sure what that was about!)

I’m in my mid-20s, too, and I’m Mum to (almost) 15-month-old ID boys. Just today I was out shopping with them and I was stopped by an elderly woman who asked, “are they yours?” She didn’t quite seem to believe me when I told her they are. She then went on to tell me that she was a twin, so she “sympathises” with me… Uh…seriously?! My boys are freaken awesome, and I don’t need anyone to “sympathise” with me!!

Oh, and I reckon that the “are they twins” question has to be the stupidest question. I also got that one several times today alone!

I’m a young twin mom, too. My boys were born the day after I turned 24. I have problems not only with random moms who think I’m the babysitter, but with other twin moms when we talk about infertility, since my entire pregnancy was unplanned. Most women are kind, but some people can’t understand that the other end of the fertility spectrum has it’s own challenges!

I am kind of the opposite because I get absolutely NO twin comments when I’m out with my boys. Even when they wear matchy outfits, even when they were in the double stroller. Because my boys look completely different and one is taller so looks older. And I’ve never been mistaken for anything other than the harried disheveled mother I am. At age 40, my mom look is pretty complete!

I’m there with you – I’m 28 with and I have 8 year old and twins who will be 5 on Friday. We had our first 15 months after we got married. I look even younger than I am and often get comments that I don’t “look old enough to have twins”. AND I’ve had people not only ask “are they twins” but also – “are they BOTH yours?” Sometimes people are just really obtuse. Don’t let the “Park Mommies” get to you!

LOL. I’m glad I’m not the only one this happens to. Being 26 with three small kids gets me lots of crazy looks and comments. On the flip side, I don’t get carded very much anymore, so I’m thinking that having 3 small kids is making me look older. Which I’m not a big fan of.

I don’t get the nanny comment, but I do get teh “both yours?” comment. I find the park Mommies all coo over how hard it must be for me, while I rescue S from the highest point of the jungle gym as he’s about to throw himself down 6 feet, and scoop the sand out of C’s hand a second before it goes in his mouth. Yup, if you think it’s so hard, maybe warn me when my 14 month old has made it up the jungle gym, instead of just waiting to see how I “do it!”

I would really just take it as a compliment – I’m sure you look very young. My husband always says that if there’s two ways to take something that somebody says to you, it’s always better to assume they meant it the good way. It’s better than being mistaken for their grandmother.

I can’t imagine how embarrased that woman must have felt, but seriously, she’ll prob think twice next time! I get “are they both yours” or “all three are your?!” a lot too, which I find kind of strange!

I’m not a young mom (35 w/ ID almost 22m boys) but I get asked “are they yours?” all the time because my boys are half Chinese. They have Dad’s dark hair and eyes but otherwise pretty much look mostly like me. I just smile a lot and let them remove their own foot.

I find that sometimes I feel a little out of place at our twins club meetings because I am so much younger than a lot of the moms in the group. I do not have a lot of the same resources that an older mother may have access too or interests. I can remember one particular meeting when we talked about how to make your home more energy efficient (by home improvement projects) I was so bored because I do not own my own home yet, and I really wished we could have been talking about twin stuff.

I’d take that as a compliment! You were out with the kids, making the effort to give them a fun afternoon (maybe these people associate an ‘outing’ with nannies like Mary Poppins haha). You were running around being energetic, instead of just sitting on a bench looking tired and beaten down, like they may expect mothers to be, especially twin moms. Plus your happy children got complimented as “well-behaved!”

I think sometimes that people expect and even hope to hear horror stories and see exhausted twin moms, so they can cluck their tongues and say “oh, poor you,” and when they see the opposite they don’t quite know what to do or say!

Oh goodness, I have so been there. I’m 29 now and have felt somewhat alone at some of the twin mom gatherings I’ve been to, finding myself much younger than most. We weren’t even planning on getting pregnant when we did, and having twins has been a struggle at times, particularly financially. I get all kinds of questions, and definitely get asked a lot of they’re mine. I also still get carded, and my newest colleague at work just asked if I was the new intern, so I guess people just think I look really young. It’s irritating, though, because I feel like I’m not taken seriously as an adult.

But you sound like you’re totally taking this whole twin-mom thing by storm. If there is one thing I’ve learned about motherhood, it’s that everyone wants to make a comment or give you advice. Most of the comments are inane and most of the advice is worthless.

I’m not a young mom (35 with 9 month old twins), but I had to laugh out loud at your description! I can very much relate! When dressed in my tank, running shorts, flip flops, and quick ponytail at the park, I get a lot of “they must keep you really busy” comments with “that look.” I also get the “I’m not sure how you handle it” comments. This is of course, when I’m not busy pushing them both on the swing, chasing after the one crawling, or feeding them on the blanket. I, personally, would rather be playing with my kids on the playground then on a park bench watching!!! More fun!!

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