Ned Pepper's Outrages

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Dear low-IQ friends. Please note the unmistakeable signs of a Romney victory, should it come to place. And do not come crying to Ned.
* Sneering plutocrat bosses are sending memos to their serfs and other employees, warning them to vote GOP or face the consequences. Expect this to become the rule in future 'elections.'
* Your taxes will go up and your government benefits will crater, all the while your betters in the Sneering Plutocracy will enrich themselves even more. And, since these vile, grasping, soulless creatures cannot possibly spend all their filthy lucre even now, giving them more money will cause the economy to further contract.
* What few personal rights you have left will be swept into the dustbin, as states and localities cut services and workers further, except for 'police' which will be hired to ensure that the Plutocracy's possessions are secure.
* Women will find that the GOP mullahs and ayatollahs will more and more force their 8th century BC opinions on them, eliminating the rights to family planning, birth control and abortion rights. They may even revise the rape laws to decriminalize rape unless 'sufficient violence' was proven. And look for attempts to revise the marriage ceremony to reinstate "obey" as a woman's obligation.
* The coal companies will enjoy a resurgence, and clear air laws will be weakened or even eviscerated.
* Regulations, such as controls on toxic substances in food and drugs will be 'streamlined,' in line with Plutocrat's wishes. The plutocrats, on the other hand, will further withdraw behind their gated communities, patrolled by 'neighborhood watch volunteers,' armed with automatic weapons, as gun control laws will be eliminated. Rest assured, however, that you will be allowed in regularly to beg for scraps that the cat wouldn't eat, which you will have to do as food stamps will be eliminated.
* Your 'disability' payments will cease, requiring you to actually seek employment along with the other desperate millions.
* Tenure will gradually disappear from universities, resulting in their conversion into 'education centers' where you will only be forced to learn to obey orders.
We, in the Reality-Based USA, wish you a happy RomneyWorld.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

One of Ned's benighted high school classmates, in a congratulatory epistle to a colleague buying a house in Oxford, Mississippi, described that state as "God's Country,' to which Ned can only say, "chacun a son gout."

Ned offers to his many friends and faithful followers this list of items du jour:
* The NYT features today an article on the 'plight of poor people with large families.' Seems these worthies are having trouble finding housing they can afford. The problem is, NYC builds housing for the poor based on the city's average demographic, and the average 'family unit' has about 2.5 persons. Today's article featured the 'plight' of a 'refugee' from Mali, a 'part-time auto mechanic' who with his wife and six kids, came to New York for 'a better life,' but now has to cram his whole entourage in a one bedroom unit he shares with another family! 'Why doesn't someone do something to help me?' is his heartfelt complaint. A spokesperson for the Manhattan Institute observed that 'persons should not have more children than they can care for,' a sentiment to which Ned indignantly associates himself.
* Comes word that of the three hundred million Americans who can feed themselves (over the age of 2) eleven percent have at least one sugary soda per day, and one in FIVE have more than 16 ounces per day. This is as good an argument for a stiff 'soda tax' as Ned has ever heard. Or the Guardia Civil.
* A study reports that each year, about three hundred people are killed and 10,000 injured in--terrorist attacks?--airline crashes?---zombie rampages?---no friends, in collisions between malevolent deer and passenger vehicles! Moreover, the collisions cost us $1 billion each year. Ned's suggestion: let's round up the deer and feed them to the homeless and to kids for their school lunches, selling the rest in high end stores, since such meat is very good for you (as red meat goes).
We wish our friends a good day.

Ned continues to be amused at the quandary the pundits and thinkers wallow in, in their attempts to explain why Obama is so hated in the South, especially among white men. They raise their hands and piously declaim that 'it can't be racism,' because 'Clarence Thomas, Condolllleeezzzzza Rice and Allen West are popular.'
As a southerner who long ago asked for and received political asylum in the Reality Based part of the US, Ned will patiently explain it to them so they can go back to dithering over whether American Idol or X Factor is 'more American.'
In the south, there are, and always have been, two kinds of black folks, according to the pinhead mentality of the southern white: Uncle Toms, and Uppity N---ers. The black folks in the former group are viewed as servile and 'know their place.' So, they are tolerated, even admired. In the later category falls Obama, or so they think. His wife, ditto.
Thus endeth the lesson.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Ned's friends may recall that on October 11, 2002, a craven Congress acceded to the lies and calumny of the criminal Bush Regime and "authorized the use of force" against Iraq, a country that had never attacked the U.S. The betrayal by Congress took place only after a cascade of lies and misinformation from Bush and his stooges, including Dan Senor, Don Rumsfeld (who should be behind bars), Condoleeeeezzzzza Rice (ditto), Colin Powell (who should have resigned if he had a bit of self-respect), and, most infamously of all, Dick Cheney, who should, along with his sock puppet Bush, have been tried for war crimes years ago.
And on October 11, 2011, a craven, crazed Congress, under the thumb of the GOP neanderthals, refused to pass the Obama Jobs Bill, which, at $477 billion would, according to impartial economists, have added 2% to the country's GDP and generated 2 MILLION jobs, at an interest cost of perhaps $6 billion a year. What a different place this country would have been if neither of these nefarious activities had taken place.
Ned wishes his friends a happy VP debate.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Ned would like to remind his many friends that Willard Romney and his Li'l Buddy run around the country sneering at the 47% of Americans who "pay no income tax" and who thus in their words are slackers and parasites. But let us take our thoughts, painful as it may be, back to the criminal regime of George Bush and Dick Cheney. During the 2004 vice-presidential 'debate' between Cheney, who is unaccountably still at large and not in custody, and John Edwards, Cheney PROUDLY boasted of the Bush/GOP tax policies that had "TAKEN MILLIONS OF AMERICANS OFF THE TAX ROLLS" so "that they now (as of 2004) paid NO INCOME TAX."
Ned would ask these representatives of the GOP-- i.e, Romney and Ryan, if they supported these socialist, enabling policies or if they railed against them as creating millions of parasites, sucking nutriment out of the Public Intestine?
We respectfully await their response.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Although we consider it vanishingly unlikely, we are moved to look for silver linings in a Romney victory. First, perhaps the Social Security 'disability' fraud police will grow some testosterone and weed out the parasites, saving us billions in the process. Second, perhaps the fat people drinking soda and eating sweet sugar-laden pastries (whom Ned sees every time he ventures to one of his local coffee houses) will see their welfare checks reduced, or they may be forced to use their filthy lucre to actually purchase nutritious food. Third, perhaps the ignoramuses who voted for Romney will immediately afterwards lost some health benefits, and here Ned is thinking of those whining geezers who cry 'keep your government hands off my Medicare!' Fourth, perhaps those who are against any form of immigration will get their wish and all the illegals will leave, meaning they might actually have to pay a living wage to their nannies, cooks and other help, and the price of their cheap food in all those ethnic restaurants will go up. And finally, perhaps all those who actually believe we should attack Iran, Pakistan, Grubistan, Malistan, Crockistan and every other country composed of dark skinned people who do not share our love of Jesus and "freedom" will get their wish. And then 9/11 will seem like a cakewalk.

If there is one thing we take from the "debate" of last Wednesday, it is not a new eureka moment. No, friends, we have simply seen a truism more sharply enhanced, which we believe many of our friends and fellow Americans have yet to internalize: today's GOP will do anything, say anything, be anything, attack anything, degrade anything, lie about anything and betray anything to seize and hold onto power. Can anyone doubt that Romney's re-discovery of his moderate persona, which was discarded like a grocery bag during the shameful disgrace called the GOP nominating process, is simply a new suit meant to sway the ignorant masses? We do not. And the 'scandal' over the jobs numbers adds more fuel to this stinking conflagration. Where were these same people when these same jobs numbers were favorable to GOP candidates?
En fin, friends, this whole sorry spectacle exhibits once again the Scientific Fact that Ned has long championed: virtually every word that comes out of the putrid vomitorium which constitutes the GOP noise machine would do Orwell's Ministry of Truth proud. Moreover, it illustrates, if more evidence were necessary, the profound and utter contempt that the modern GOP has for its own supporters.
Where is the brave media person who will, in utter exasperation, finally demand of Romney, Ryan, their stooges, rentboys, sycophants and lickspittles "Have you no shame sir? Have you no shame at all?"

Thursday, October 4, 2012

We can barely contain our disgust with the conduct of the first so-called presidential debate. The "moderator," a pathetic, disengaged and enfeebled Jim Lehrer, who should have been put to pasture when Robin MacNeil retired from PBS, did his customary terrible job. We for one were appalled when we learned he was to "moderate" this event, expecting the worst, and we were not disappointed. We suggest a trained seal could have been as successful at keeping Romney in check. And of course Lehrer did not ask any penetrating questions of either candidate. And as to the actual content, we like many others were flabbergasted that Obama didn't challenge the drivel, obfuscations, filibustering and out-and-out dissembling that constituted Romney's assertions. While the fact-checkers give the debate to the President, the so-called MSM gave it to Romney on "aggressiveness." God help this country if Obama doesn't find his game or if the so-called "undecided" voters shift to Willard. We are thinking of leaving and joining the resistance. We hear there is a Free French garrison in Brazzaville...