Today marks a tragic milestone in the war in Iraq; more than 1,000 of America's sons and daughters have now given their lives [in Iraq] on behalf of their country, on behalf of freedom, [on behalf of]the war on terror.

Don't worry, waffle lovers. It didn't take al-Qerry long to try separating out Operation Iraqi Freedom from World War IV. In Iowa this week, Hanoi John called Iraqi Freedom a "profound diversion" from the war on terror. How's that for winning votes of the families whose loved ones are fighting actual terrorists in that country? Qerry says our president "likes to confuse" the war against real terrorists in Iraq with the war against real terrorists elsewhere. As if Qerry has somehow seen any real difference between these baby-killing cut-throats based solely on their geography. What is Flipper proposing besides a profoundly artificial Two Sets of Terrorists?

Not one to let Iraq itself go undivided, al-Qerry has seen that there are, like his Two Americas, Two Iraqs as well. The one that possessed weapons of mass destruction which we should seek out and destroy—alone if we have to—by any and all means necessary; and the other Iraq that either never possessed them or could be coaxed somehow into voluntarily giving up any such weapons through diplomacy, sanctions, or inspections. It wouldn't be the first time he has done this.

A decade ago, after Saddam Hussein invaded, raped, and tried to annex Kuwait, al-Qerry showed one of his constituents, Walter Carter, how much he thought there were Two Iraqs back then too. On January 22, 1991, he said there was the Iraq that would eventually come around and respond to United Nations resolutions and sanctions all on its own, if only given a chance:

On Jan. 11, I voted in favor of a resolution that would have insisted that economic sanctions be given more time to work and against a resolution giving the president the immediate authority to go to war.

It took Hanoi John just nine days after making this statement to realize that there was also another Iraq, one against which any such course would be futile because the intransigent dictatorship of Saddam Hussein understood no language other than brute military force:

From the outset of the invasion, I have strongly and unequivocally supported President Bush's response to the crisis and the policy goals he has established [to oust Hussein from Kuwait by force if necessary] with our military deployment in the Persian Gulf.

Even if you don't have at your fingertips a copy of Liberal Lexicon of Loony Leftist Logic, it's still possible to decipher Qerry's inconsistency here. "Strongly and unequivocally" supporting something includes "harshly and relentlessly" criticizing and opposing the very same thing until it becomes evident that it's no longer a politically expedient thing to do.

Of course, Two Wars, Two Iraqs, Two Americas, and Two Sets of Terrorists aren't the only things Flopper's flipping on his waffle iron. There are his Two SUVs, which in reality is just the one that he says he does or doesn't own, depending on whether he's describing it to automobile union members or to environmental activists, respectively. There are his Two Patriot Acts as well: the one he voted for and said was "quite necessary," and the same one that he wants instead to water down and "replace" and says puts "restrictions on American's basic rights." Another shifty pair are his Two Private Meetings with enemy representatives in Paris, France while our troops were still fighting, dying, and being held prisoner in Viet Nam.

No wonder Dungorats had to put Two Johns on their ticket. That's how many you need just to begin flushing only the above amount of all their incoherent crap. Even the one person at the head of it cannot be succinctly and accurately described except in a similar fashion: