I have really struggled with this post. To be honest, I don't know how to follow my last post about Erica's death...It seems strange to just move on and post some cute pictures of Levi. We still grieve over the loss of Erica and what that means for Levi. When we started down this road of open adoption, I had visions of how it might look. I was mentally prepared to deal with the fact that open adoption could sometimes be messy. I knew that our visits could feel a little strained and there might be times where we disagreed with Erica. However, I never once thought that our open adoption story would end let alone end abruptly with Erica's unexpected passing. I not only grieve the loss of Erica, but the loss of what a typical open adoption with a birth mother could mean for Levi. I had dreams of him being told by Erica herself that she loved him and gave him to us because of that love. I had hopes of continued communication with Erica when any health issues might arise. The reality is that life rarely turns out how you think it will... and that is ok. We haven't truly lost our open adoption because we have contact with other biological family for Levi. Our open adoption has just changed. It isn't what I dreamed of, and I grieve that dream. Despite that loss, I know that my God has another story for my family. I am thankful that God does and allows things in my life that aren't necessarily what I want. If I had everything I wanted, my life would look very different. I am thankful that I didn't marry the first guy I liked. Jarred is a much better fit for me, and I couldn't imagine being married to anyone else. I have an amazing husband! I am thankful that I didn't have a boyfriend after I graduated college like I planned to have. I was able to travel the United States and parts of Europe during that single time. I learned more about who I was and who I wanted to be. I am grateful that Jarred and I didn't have children the way we planned. If we had a biological child before I turned 30 years old like I wanted, then we probably wouldn't have Levi. And as much as it hurts to not experience pregnancy, I want Levi more than I want my original dream. So I have to trust that God is going to give me something better than what I dreamed of. He always has, why would he do something different now?On that note of getting something better than what you dream about, how about some adorable pictures of the little boy who is way better than my original plan! I can't imagine life without him :-)

Shannon, I was just thinking about you this morning and how whenever something isn't right, I know I can always count on you to say what I need to hear. You are so wise! I'm praying for Jesus to keep mending your hearts and Levi's. You're truly someone to look up to! Love you!