Breaking the Paradigm: A Personal Journey

The Law of Attraction tells us that in order to have the life we want, we must first break free from beliefs that contradict our desires. Some beliefs are so deep-set that they are our reality. As much as we focus our thoughts on the changes we want, we can still be a hindrance to ourselves unless we change the paradigm.

This became so very clear to me as I prepared to open my Children’s Art Camp. I was bombarded with doubt, physical ailments and depression. Just three mere days before I opened the doors, I became lethargic and felt exhausted. The thought that kept popping into my mind was, “God this schedule is going to be so tiring.” I would have to change my 4 year old’s sleep cycle. She was going to be a bear. I would have no time to myself as I was giving up my morning quiet time. I was using double gas in the car to run my husband back and forth to work. The thought of going forward became burdensome.

In addition to that, I would burst into tears or fly into a rage anytime the slightest unexpected thing happened. I burned dinner, I burst into tears. I dropped a paper I was trying to put into an envelope, I flew into a rage. My emotions were completely out of control.

Then, the physical ailments hit me. I broke out in eczema all over my body. I contracted a sinus infection which promptly moved into my lungs. I was nauseous and had a constant headache. I felt as though I were falling apart.

Then it occurred to me. This was it. This was the final moment. My body was trying to hold on to old beliefs. My body was rejecting my new line of thinking. This was the last ditch effort to stop me from having what I wanted. I had to push through. People had paid. But I was sure I would fail. Every fiber of my being was telling me so.

I was in the last throes of the battle to change those negative beliefs forever. There were two main paradigms that had to be dispelled in order for me to create the life I wanted.

For me, security was a requirement in my life. I didn’t pursue a career as an actress or theatre arts teacher despite a successful collegiate career and a Master’s degree. There was no guarantee of work. I had to go out and get it myself. That scared me. So for years, I would work a regular job and talk a lot about my intentions to get myself together. After too many years of talking and not acting upon my desires, I came to believe I could never create my own work. It just wasn’t possible for me. This was the first paradigm.

After accepting my “lot in life,” I worked in retail management, hating every moment of it. So to appease the artist in me, I would, again, talk a lot about what I wanted. I talked about project ideas. I talked about classes I would take. I talked about what would make me happy. I talked and talked. I did nothing. ” I never finish anything” was the second paradigm holding me stagnant.

After a couple of years as a stay at home Mom, I realized I wanted to do something for myself. So I started talking again. We have a very well supported and active civic theatre. I talked about auditioning. I talked about teaching some acting classes. I talked about starting a children’s party planning business. I talked and talked.

Then one day, my friend, Chris, who educates her children at home, became very excited when I mentioned I wanted to teach acting to kids. As a home school provider, it is often very difficult in our small community to find activities that qualify as an art credit. She was very encouraging, letting me know I would most likely get a large group of students who had the same need.

Her excitement was contagious. I became determined I would stop talking and get to work. That lasted for about three weeks. I found a roadblock, naturally. I created it and accepted it wholly. I was starting with a zero budget. I looked into the local arts co-op, but they wanted money. Even the local library would charge me. So, that was that. I was done.

A year later, I offered my services to my daughters’ ballet teacher, Kristen, for the recital. I told her about my background in theatre and began “talking” about my desire to teach acting to local children. I mentioned my roadblock with sad certainty. She immediately offered her studios for the classes. I was faced with a quick decision, truly move forward and make the life I want or let another opportunity pass me by.

So I said we could talk about it. Again, more talking. I didn’t commit. We would just see how it would progress. I was pretty sure this attempt would fail as all the others did.

After a few emails back and forth, I jokingly mentioned we could build this into a full blown art camp for kids. I expected her to say that we should just take it slow and see how things progressed. But she didn’t. She said, “Yes, that would be great!” Oops. Now it looked as though I was moving forward. But I could feel the pull to back out. I could feel the urge to run back to my comfort zone and just hide.

There were two other paradigms that moved me forward at this point. One I have always perceived as a positive and the other as a negative.

Kristen mentioned to me that some folks had tried to do an art camp in the past and had failed due to lack of organization. One thing I knew for certain was that I could organize. I was very good at running projects, management and people skills. This I had proven to myself through years of retail management. This I believed with all my heart. Incredibly, I was being motivated through the confidence I gained in the years of working a job I really thought I hated.

The other thing that happened simultaneously was I found myself not wanting to disappoint Kristen. I have always had an issue with disappointing people. This has always put a terribly high amount of pressure and stress in my life. I have always believed it was a negative aspect of my personality. But it drove me forward, nonetheless.

Kristen was a gift from the universe. She was the motivating factor in all of this. She used her connections in the community to facilitate free marketing. She utilized her mailing lists to advertise. She was a constant source of motivation and support.

I don‘t recall ever asking for someone to give me this kind of support. My thoughts were focused on teaching in front of a group and being happy and joyful in that moment. What I needed was given to me. I manifested the situation to help me break free of negative beliefs that held me back for so very long. I did this by keeping my thoughts on the goal, not the path to the goal.

A growing excitement and deep joy seemed to drive me. If I wasn’t working on the project, I felt restless. So I just kept moving. There was a happiness about myself and what I was doing I hadn’t felt in years.

Once I started moving forward, everything fell into place. Absolutely everything that happened moved me forward with joyful determination.

In the first few days after camp started, I was overwhelmed with the realizations of my success. I was overwhelmed at the manifestation of my desires. I had never experienced it on this level before. This was life changing. This was real.

It was through the death of very old and deep-seated paradigms that I created what I wanted. Even at the last minute, when I thought I had won, a battle within me still ensued. Those beliefs fought to keep the status quo. It was only by holding on to the vision and the joy that I could move forward.

I am here today the founder and director of Camp-a-Doodle: Art Exploration for Kids. I find myself baffled that I actually did it. I AM a theatre arts teacher. I’ve waited so long to say that.

Now I know no matter what I choose for my life, those awful and untrue beliefs that lived within me for so many years will never hold me back again. I have broken the paradigm.

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