I was just reading the do's and don'ts on Governor Doyle's smoke-free law, which becomes effective July 5.

Residents of assisted living will be able to have a special smoking room, which I agree with. Why take these elderly people outside for a cigarette in the winter, where they might catch pneumonia?

Now for cigar bars. Only cigar bars in existence before June 3, 2009, will be legal. So, you can't start a new one. Only cigars and pipes are allowed. Not cigarettes. Why? Because the wealthy big shots, lawyers and legislators like to sit around and enjoy a cigar and a cocktail while they figure out how to (cheat) the working people out of another tax dollar and another freedom.

When I was a young man growing up on a farm, I smoked everything in my corncob pipe. Including dried cornsilk, coffee grounds, lettuce leaves and wild Indian tobacco. But I didn't try dried cow pies. I wish I had, because that would have prepared me for my first cigar, which was while fishing down by the river. About halfway through that cigar, my toenails started to cloud up from inhaling it. So I threw the rest in the river, hoping the DNR wouldn't give me a ticket for pollution.

Which smells worse? Cigar or cigarette smoke? Rather than bartend in a cigar bar, I'd take a job working in an assisted living home where I could sneak a cigarette. I'd empty bedpans, change diapers and trim toenails, all of which smell better than cigar smoke.

Some legislator's oath of office is "till death do we part" or "I become senile enough to put me in assisted living home where I can smoke," probably at the taxpayers' expense. If I worked there, bedpans would become their hats.

There's an old saying: "You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours." I smell something rotten in Madison, and it's not Oscar Meyer's meat-packing plant. I'll bet you can guess where most cigar bars are located.