The text
Richard Nixon Memorial Burma Shaves
comes
From: The Richard Nixon Memorial Burma Shave Showdown
Source: http://www.perry.com/bizarre/nixon.html
The Richard Nixon Memorial Burma Shave Showdown
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jperry@oahu.cs.ucla.edu (John Perry)
Subject: Dick Nixon Memorial Burma Shave Showdown
Date: Fri, 29 Apr 94 17:07:40 GMT
Let's face it, haikus are getting a bit blase. For this reason I've
decided Nixon deserves something more, something deeper. Thus I announce
the start of the fabulous Dick Nixon Memorial Burma Shave Showdown.
Show your appreciation for our ex-pres with a Burma Shave poem, send
them to me and at some point (read: when I get bored of it), I'll
announce the winners.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the form, Burma Shave was a
shaving cream company in the U.S. that advertised from the `20s to the
`60s by placing a series of signs alongside the road that composed
a short (4-line) poem. Some were about shaving, some about how your
date would like you better if you used Burma Shave, some about driving,
etc. Yours will be about Dick Nixon. For example:
NIXON GOT US
IN WITH CHINA
NOW HE'S GONE TO
SOMETHING FINA
BURMA SHAVE
The winners will
receive the ultimate prize ever, which is to be
determined at a later date.
Send your submissions to: jperry@cs.ucla.edu
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jperry@oahu.cs.ucla.edu (John Perry)
Subject: Nixon Burma Shave Showdown Winners!
Date: Wed, 08 Jun 94 17:41:29 GMT
Yes, finally, here are the winners of the Dick Nixon Memorial
Burma Shave Showdown. There were lots of good entries, and
I'm sure tricky Dick would have been proud to have had most
of them inscribed on his headstone. If the winners will send
me their snail mail addresses, I'll send off their prizes.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
first prize goes to Scott Dorsey, for
DICKIE SLEPT
THROUGH MARTIN'S DREAM.
AT LEAST HE KEPT
HIS TAPE HEADS CLEAN
with BURMA SHAVE
First prize consists of Star Trek: The Screen Saver, issue #2 of Lunatic
Binge, a Where's Dan Quayle book (kinda like Where's Waldo), and a
Bush-Quayle 92 Bumper Sticker.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
second prize goes to Ilana, for
NOW HE'S SIX FEET
UNDERGROUND
WON'T HAVE DICK TO
KICK AROUND
BURMA SHAVE
The lucky second prize winner takes home a prize package of 3 mutant
militant critter comics (Mildly-Microwaved Pre-Pubescent Kung-Fu Gophers,
Naive Inter-Dimensional Commando Koalas, and Pre-Teen Dirty-Gene Kung-Fu
Kangaroos), a Symantec solar powered disk-calculator, and a Donald Duck
Pez dispenser.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
and finally, third prize goes to Sean Ryan for this
campaign-slogan/memorial-Burma-Shave:
Vote for Nixon
In '72
Why change dicks
In the middle of a screw
Burma Shave
Consistent with the theme of his poem, Sean will receive an
IN-N-OUT BURGER bumper sticker and a "Ross Perot for President '92"
button [Ross came in third too].
All three lucky winners will also receive a tape of studio
mixes of selections from the Liberal Materialists forthcoming
release Brain Food Cookies (shameless plug for my band).
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Here's the complete list of entrants:
From: rapp@cis.udel.edu
YOU CAN CROSS THE
MASON-DIXON
BUT YOU
CAN'T CROSS
RICHARD NIXON
BURMA SHAVE
From: gaucho@netcom.com (Gaucho)
HERE'S TO DICK FROM
YORBA LINDA --
THE INFERNO'S
LATEST CINDA
BURMA SHAVE
From:
Out of 'Nam with out a snag
But now he is the one
In the body bag
How does he do it
Burma Shave
From: kludge@netcom.com (Scott Dorsey)
DICKIE SLEPT
THROUGH MARTIN'S DREAM.
AT LEAST HE KEPT
HIS TAPE HEADS CLEAN
with BURMA SHAVE
From: bcash@netcom.com (Brian Cash)
FAREWELL DICK
WITH 3 O'CLOCK SHADE
ONE LAST TRICK
ON US HE PLAYED
eat BURMA SHAVE
From: ilana@kiowa.scd.ucar.edu (Ilana)
NOW HE'S SIX FEET
UNDERGROUND
WON'T HAVE DICK TO
KICK AROUND
BURMA SHAVE
From: wotnow@mace.cc.purdue.edu (James A. Gardner)
DID HE DIE
AND GO TO HECK OR
IS HE UP THERE
WITH PAT AND CHECKERS?
BURMA SHAVE
From: mha1@Lehigh.EDU (Michael Alaimo)
ON DROOPY JOWLS,
'NEATH SKI SLOPE NOSE,
TRICKY DICK'S FIVE O'CLOCK
SHADOW GROWS.
BURMA SHAVE.
From: hoppie@nemesis.EBay.Sun.COM (Tom Hopkins)
IF RIGHT OR WRONG
WHEN NIXON SAID
I'M NOT A CROOK
HE'S JUST AS DEAD.
BURMA SHAVE
THOUGH NIXON'S PLAYED
HIS FINAL GAME
BART SIMPSON'S FRIEND
RETAINS HIS NAME
BURMA SHAVE
From: andsol@cml.rice.edu (Andrew Solberg)
NIXON HAD AN
ANEURISM
NOW HE'S GONE AND
WE'LL SURE MISS 'IM
BURMA SHAVE
IF HE'D LIVED
HE'D SHOW HIS CHARM
BY FLASHING "PEACE"
WITH JUST ONE ARM
BURMA SHAVE
From: geoff@ficus.CS.UCLA.EDU (Geoff Kuenning)
Richard Nixon
Rest in peace
Now he's got no
One to fleece
Richard Nixon
What a guy
Glad he's sleeping
In the sky
Richard Nixon
Blamed the press
For his raging
Stubbornness
Watergate zapped
Tricky Dick
'Cause ol' Liddy
Wasn't slick
From: roy@sendai.cybrspc.mn.org (Roy M. Silvernail)
I AM NOT
A CROOK, SAID HE
FOLLOWING WITH
PARDON ME
BURMA SHAVE
From: David Fessenden
TRICKY
DICKY
DICKERED
WITH COX
BERMMA SHAVE
From: Sean P. Ryan
Vote for Nixon
In '72
Why change dicks
In the middle of a screw
Burma Shave
From: bc@wetware.com (monsieur HAINEUX)
NIXON SAID HE'S
NOT A CROOK
AND ALL WE GOT WAS
GEORGE BUSH
BURMA SHAVE
From: "D.W. Moore"
YOU KNOW IT REALLY MAKES ME SICK, SON
TO HEAR THIS PRAISE FOR RICHARD NIXON
I WISH THE ROADS WITH SIGNS WERE PLASTERED
THAT NIXON WAS A FIBBING BASTARD
BURMA SHAVE
From: volpone@aol.com (Volpone)
HAD HE DEWHISKERED
BEFORE THE DEBATES
VICTORY MIGHT HAVE
TEMPERED HIS HATES
BURMA SHAVE
From: benth@coho.halcyon.com (BENth)
Kathleen came up with these, and I am posting
them for her. I am so proud!
NO LONGER HERE STRAIGHT TO HELL
TO EXCITE US JUST LIKE A BOMB
LIKE THE TIME HE NIXON DROPPED
HAD BURSITIS ON VIETNAM
BURMA SHAVE BURMA SHAVE
CAN WE GUESS EVIL COWARD
HOW NIXON FEELS GONE TO HELL
WITH SATAN NIPPING SURE DID HATE HIM
AT HIS HEELS KNOW DARN WELL
BURMA SHAVE BURMA SHAVE
NIXON, HOOVER,
MCCARTHY, COHN
SPIKED THEIR BALLS
IN THE END ZONE
BURMA SHAVE
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