My HIGHLY OFFICIAL and WELL RESEARCHED reply to the Attorney General of New York, regarding Mr. Felix Yukilevich:

I haven't heard back from the State of New York or Felix yet, so I guess I won by default. Either that or Felix has moved on to bigger and more important things, such as trying to successfully open his front door without requiring the assistance of several trained men.- Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka

(indecipherable yelling as eight heroes stand still in an ankle-deep wavepool)

About This Column

Many people love to threaten to sue us. Luckily we have both Leonard "J." Crabs and common sense on our side, thus enabling us to easily defeat such trivialities. Remember - when you're on the Internet, you can threaten to sue for anything!