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Friday, March 28, 2008

As you know, Monday is an official holiday in Johnada. All citizens are to be given the day off - with no exceptions. All Johnadians of age are required to buy a six pack of their favourite beer and a hot dog (or possibly a brat). At 2:20 Johnadian Standard Time all televisions, radios and/or internet connections are to be tuned in to the Chicago Cubs v. the Milwaukee Brewers. IT'S OPENING DAY!

This is not a sports blog and should never be mistaken for one, but me not talking about the Chicago Cubs is like Bill Cosby not talking about Jello Pudding. As some of you may know, this season marks the 100 anniversary of the last time the Chicago Cubs won a World Series. This is the longest championship drought in North American professional sports by almost 40 years! Though few prognosticators are picking them to win the World Series, most pick the Cubs to win their division. After last year's quick playoff exit, Johnada is feeling quite optimistic for 2008. Mainly because a little resilience and a lot of stupidity is required of any good Cubs fan.

Some time back - right after my Super Bowl victory, I think - there was a proposal between Johnada and Gary (who for some ungodly reason likes the Chicago White Sox) that we renew our sports wagering for the baseball season. According to this new bet, the fan of the team that ends the season with the fewest wins is required to write a post on the other person's blog. I believe this bet is still on - is it Gary? If so, all of my wonderful readers can expect another guest column, probably in early September.

This will be shocking to everyone who knows me, but I'm predicting the Chicago Cubs will defeat the Los Angeles Angels in six games in the 2008 World Series. (Of course, the dream would be the Toronto Blue Jays vs. the Cubs, but I'm not too optimistic, considering the Blue Jays play in the same division as the Yankees and Red Sox.)

So I saw that this post was about bases and balls or something like that, I got bored and stopped reading. Send me your mailing address, and I'll mail you a wax-sealed copy of the latest in officially sanctioned music.In other news, both Tom Mohr and Jordan Schultz are getting married (not to each other, although that would obviously seem to be a far more likely occurrence)...

CONTACT THE GOVERNMENT OF JOHNADA

Do you have a question for Johnadian government? Some thing you would like covered in the official newsletter of Johnada? As part of an ongoing effort to have Johnadian voices heard, we will publish every review of Tim Hortons Donuts sent to us. Email a governemnt official.

The Horton Currency System

Tim Hortons Donuts are the official currency of Johnada. They are used to measure value in all official reports to consumers. Currently One Horton is equal to .64 N3 Pepper burgers from Quick.

The Molson Rating System

In Johnada, all nonalcoholic beverages are heavily taxed. Income from these taxes goes directly to the Ministry of Booze, where the funds are used to pay for our Moslon Rating System. The rating system is based on Molsons, with 5 Molsons being the highest honour we can bestow on a beverage.