Sunday, October 4, 2015

Our family and Baby Brother's foster family met, today, at the Cider Mill to get to know each other. The boys were in their baby brother's face for a few minutes, but then became, quickly, distracted by all the family fun activities.

This girl, however, was very interested in the new baby she's only heard me talk about.

She even shared her donut with him when I wasn't looking and made a sugary mess over all three of us. It filled my heart to see her nurture in ways I've never experienced before.

There sure was a lot of cuteness, but it was still a strange day.

The foster family is wonderful in every way. The awkwardness came from the fact that the son who is so, clearly, embedded into their lives and family is about to be transferred to ours. It doesn't feel right and it, certainly, isn't natural.

I held him for a few minutes, but mostly watched Baby Brother interact with his mother. She fed him his bottle and nestled his cheek, sharing words too soft for me to hear. I felt like such an intruder; a thief of sorts.

I felt nothing for him beyond normal "your baby is so cute - " excitement.

I am surprised that this phenomenon still surprises me, frankly. This was my fifth first meeting...and they've all gone the same way. I think my expectation was higher, this time, because of the difficulty of the decision to say "yes".

But...in the end, the familiarity of this scenario wins. I was introduced to a son that I will, one day, love as my own, but today, that sort of love privileges another woman's heart.

And the sadness in her eyes is too much to bear.

We return to court on Friday for mom's termination trial.

I don't know if mom received my letter, but I am hoping to be able to communicate through her lawyer, who I've had the opportunity to get to know over the last 18 months.

I cannot imagine the pain that comes with foster adoption. On the other hand I cannot imagine the joy that comes with adoption (eventually). Regardless this little baby boy was meant to be your son. He was meant to meet his foster family as well. What an amazing unit of adults he will have rooting him on his entire life, and that is to be cherished. I cannot wait to hear the journey of him joining your family and the children teaching him the ways of the world! Prayers for a smooth transition for all parties involved!

They are the heroic type that stay in the system to help the next lovies on their way. They do it again and again and again. Their hearts break every time, when they watch their kids move on to permanence - whether that be with biological or adoptive families. It's difficult for me to understand, too. But, man, do we need more families like this! It is a challenge for adoptive families to be neutral, while birth parents work toward reunification. Families like Baby Brother's are the perfect cheerleaders.

I was in the foster care system as a teenager and stayed with a family like yours in between foster homes. Thank you for your sacrifice. I didn't understand why I couldn't stay with the second family at the time. When I met my permanent family (that I was with until I graduated and aged out of foster care), I realized that the last family was such a perfect fit for me. As an adult, I can look back and understand the wisdom of the decisions that were made back then.