Once again, it’s pilot season. But who has the time to watch through all of those pilots in the hope that something is worth watching? We do. And we have your back because we love you. Welcome to Stream It or Skip It, a corner of the internet devoted to telling you which pilots are worth your time and which you should run away from based on our scientific method (JK it’s just a bunch of questions we made up). Amazon has just released its slate of 2016 comedies, so today we’re opening up the ol’ rulebook to examine Jean-Claude Van Johnson.

You know Jean-Claude Van Damme as an ‘80s action star skilled at doing splits and kicking people in the face. But what if all of that face kicking was just a cover for Van Damme’s secret agent alter ego? That’s the reality this new Prime Video comedy, starring Kat Foster, posits. So what’s the verdict? Do you need to bust out your best Van Damme movies or would your time be better spent watching the new Bourne movie instead? Let’s find out:

A Guide to Our Rating System

Opening Shot: The opening of a pilot can set a mood for the entire show (think Six Feet Under); thus, we examine the first shot of each pilot.The Gist: The “who, what, where, when, why?” of the pilot.Our Take: What did we think? Are we desperate for more or desperate to get that hour back?Sex and Skin: That’s all you care about anyway, right? We let you know how quickly the show gets down and dirty.Parting Shot: Where does the pilot leave us? Hanging off a cliff, or running for the hills?
Sleeper Star: Basically, someone in the cast who is not the top-billed star who shows great promise.Most Pilot-y Line: Pilots have a lot of work to do: world building, character establishing, and stakes raising. Sometimes that results in some pretty clunky dialogue.Our Call: We’ll let you know if you should, ahem, Stream It or Skip It.

Opening Shot: It’s another voiceover. Amazon comedies really love voiceovers this season. The camera slowly zooms in on Jean-Claude Van Damme’s face as he introduces himself as a super famous former star. Yes, of course Bloodsport and Time Cop are mentioned. A man with a baton aggressively rushes at Jean-Claude (or JC as I will be calling his for the rest of this review), and JC informs us that this is not a movie. Oh snap. Just before the man lands his blow, JC confidently jumps in the air, poised to enact his signature split, but something goes wrong. An older JC can’t split like he used to, and our hero gets beaten into a bloody pulp.

The Gist: Did you know that Jean-Claude Van Damme was only an actor on the side to cover his true passion, being a secret agent for Black Ops? That’s what this show posits, so it’s time to just back into cheesy ‘80s action movies. JC used to be a movie star, a secret agent, and in love, but he went into retirement after his relationship with Vanessa (Kat Foster) turned sour. But after a chance meeting with his lost love, JC decides to re-enter the world of Hollywood and government agencies yet again, but this time he has to fight his old age alongside the baddies.

Our Take: When I read the premise of Jean-Claude Van Johnson, my first thought was “The cast of How Did This Get Made is going to love this.” I stick by that initial thought wholeheartedly. Jean-Claude Van Johnson joyfully and cheekily pokes fun at all of the ‘80s action movies everyone loves to hate. In this way, it’s almost like the ultimate hipster show. It’s dialogue and premise are often so intentionally bad, they’re actually good.

Van Damme’s return to the screen is delightful, but the heavy-handed background hipsters of the series often ruin the delicate balance between corny and awesome Jean-Claude Van Johnson plays with. For example, JC’s sexy, rain-soaked remake of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is everything you want in a bad action remake. It’s a smartly dumb piece of parody that would fit in well in a 30 Rock script. However, that moment of brilliance is sharply contrasted by a vape-smoking and scarfed director, who is more a mimicry of hipsterdom than a real person. Like anyone who’s been to high school knows, the second you try too hard to be cool, you stop being cool. That’s Jean-Claude Van Johnson’s biggest fault. It tries so hard, and it wants us to like it so badly.

All that being said, the central story of the pilot is fun and allows JC to show off his fierce moves while refusing to take himself too seriously. There are also enough Van Damme references and cameos to make any fan of the actor’s happy. As far as “older actors making a comeback” stories go, this is a really solid one. There’s also a chance that all of this is an elaborate ruse to cover up the fact that Jean-Claude Van Damme is a secret agent in real life.

Sex and Skin: There are some naked lady buns in one of the first scene, and there are some shirtless men moments. But other than that, not much in the way of sexiness.

Parting Shot: JC, who has succeeded in his mission at the expense of once again losing the love of his life, calls his agent. Slowly, his strong facade starts to crumble as he realizes his mistakes. The movie he’s starring in is terrible. He’s not as in shape as he used to be. The mission was harder than he remembered. And the love of his life, Vanessa, slept with another man. In a moment of weakness, he breaks down and cries. Jean-Claude wants out.

Sleeper Star: For sure JC’s agent, Jane, played by Phylicia Rashad. She’s like Edna from The Incredibles — fast-talking, vulgar, fabulous, and a presence on screen. Out of all the characters, Rashad walks the line between cheesy and serious the best.

Most Pilot-y Line: “I didn’t quit working, JC. I just quit working with you.” Spoken by love interest Vanessa, of course.

Our Call:Jean-Claude Van Johnson can be a fun watch, but it does have its slow moments. Many slow moments. Also, I can’t imagine a universe where this would be a fun series to watch. The pilot itself felt like watching a sketch that went on for too long. Episode 13 of the same joke would be exhausting. The pilot is worth giving a chance, but the jury’s out on whether this potential series has any legs.