Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Hey there, welcome back to the Phile. How are you? Did you miss me? I am so confused. There is a Bush and Clinton running for president, a Jurassic dinosaur movie is number one in the box office and a Terminator movie is coming out next month. It's bloody crazy. So, let me get this straight... since the last post a few weeks ago the confederate flag is out and the rainbow flag is in. Anyway, we'll talk about that in a minute. First things first... it's summer, kids. May you find the perfect vacation spot to fight with your family. Just kidding. I do have to say congratulations on surviving the period between your kids being in school and your kids being away at camp. Okay, and now for this gay marriage situation... My Facebook feed looks like a battle broke out between the Confederate Army and a Skittles factory. That guy on your Facebook who says "it's called the WHITE House" will fucking hate this.

A Texas comic book store had a very unusual "Closed—Come Back Later" sign.

Thank goodness this ruling didn't come down on a Wednesday, or a lot of nerds would have missed out on new comics. Which is the only way I can think of that same-sex marriage would have hurt anyone. Congrats on America being a little closer to the ideals of justice for which so many superheroes have fought and died (and been brought back for reboots). Chuck Netzhammer, a resident of Slidell, Louisiana, went to Walmart to have a cake printed with the words "Heritage Not Hate" superimposed on a Confederate flag, because America. Walmart denied his request. A few days later, he returned and requested a cake with the ISIS flag printed on it. They complied to his request. Chuck made a 2-minute long YouTube video about the incident, with the paperwork and cake to back up his evidence. As a self-proclaimed loyal customer, he wanted to make a point about the political hypocrisy of Walmart's bakery department. I should also mention that he delivered the first part of his complaint from his dirt bike. Ridiculously clear flag debates aside, I think another important question we have to ask here is did Chuck eat the cake?! Don't get me wrong, ISIS is terrible, but so is wasting cake. Is it more ethical if he scraped off the flag? It's a truly confounding moral inquiry.
Walmart responded by apologized for the incident with the following statement: "An associate in a local store did not know what the design meant and made a mistake. The cake should not have been made and we apologize." Sadly, this is not the only ridiculous ISIS flag-related news item today. After Friday's SCOTUS ruling, there was no shortage of homophobic news reports over the weekend, but this one is just baffling. On Saturday, CNN International reporter Lucy Pawle devoted a whole segment to this flag she saw flying during the Gay Pride Parade in London.

She described it as “an attempt to mimic the ISIS flag, the black-white flag with distinctive lettering." She also mentioned in the report that the symbols weren't Arabic.
She was right about that part. They weren't even letters. The flag actually depicted a selection of sex toys: dildos, butt plugs, and more. You know, the kind of stuff ISIS would behead you for using.
The best part is that Pawle apparently called the police to report the flag. I would love to hear a cop explaining to her what anal beads are. Did anybody watch the BET Awards Sunday night? There were a lot of big winners: Nicki Minaj, Beyoncé (who wasn't there), Rihanna's roll of tape… and there was also one big loser: P. Diddy, who fell down a hole.
The 45 year old rapper/impresario was performing during the much-hyped Bad Boy reunion when he forgot about a trapdoor in the stage, out of which Lil' Kim had just risen. He danced right into the gap in a moment of physical comedy worthy of Buster Keaton. TV viewers saw him drop out of frame, then crawl out moments later like an old man who fell in the toilet. Elon Musk may want to change the world and everything orbiting it, but he's got his work cut out for him. His dreams for a better future apparently need some tweaking, or else we're all going to die in a ball of fire.
One of Musk's pet projects is SpaceX, his reusable space rocket company. On Sunday, one of SpaceX's unmanned Dragon rockets launched from Cape Canaveral on a supply mission to the International Space Station. Minutes after liftoff, the rocket exploded in midair. Maybe they should work on making their rockets usable, before tackling the whole reusable thing.
The spacecraft was carrying more than 2 tons of supplies, including 1,500 pounds of food and other provisions. The crew still has four months' worth of food on board, but I'm sure it was heartbreaking for them to watch the malomars they asked for going up in smoke. By the way, is it me or does Elon Musk sound like a name out of Star Wars? So, I went to to book store the other day and I walked by the children's section and was surprised to see this...

What?! It doesn't even make sense. So, this whole Confederate flag business... they are gonna remove it from the top of the General Lee from "The Dukes of Hazzard." I had no idea what they were gonna replace it with until I saw this...

Yeah, I guess that would work. Jake Lloyd, the kid that played young Anakin in Star Wars
was arrested after getting into a high-speed chase with cops and crashing into a tree. That's not at all surprising considering if you saw The Phantom Menace.

Over my break I saw that new dinosaur movie and one scene really confused me...

I have no idea why The Avengers made an appearance. It's summer, and in the last summer's on the Phile I have showed you some very interesting bikini's. This summer is no different, kids.

All the excitement of novelty 1970s platform shoes, with none of the class. And now from the home office in Port Jefferson, new York, here is...

You know, the best thing about doing the Phile in the afternoon is I can drink a Sam Adams Summer Ale at the same time. Haha. Anyway...Top Phive Things Overheard Between The Two Escaped New York State Convicts5. I'm so excited for Jurassic World! Do you think there'll be an escaped-convict discount?4. We should mail these postcards now, while we have the chance!3. Man, how lucky are we? Every time we get hungry, there's a fresh pie cooling on a windowsill!2. I don't care how tense you say you are... I am NOT giving you another slow, languorous back rub!
And the number one thing overheard between the two escaped convicts is...1. I swear to God, if you don't stop whistling the freakin' "Diff'rent Strokes" theme song...

Jack Carter
June 24th, 1922 — June 28th, 2015
You know what is funny about this guy? Nothing. I swear. Nothing whatsoever. He had some comedy shows, but that doesn't help me. Nothing weird or interesting ever happened to him, and I can't even make fun of his name. Today SUCKS.

Nelson Doubleday
July 20th, 1933 — June 17th, 2015
For someone who owned a publishing company and a baseball team, this guys life was about as exciting as watching flies fuck.

Kirk Kerkorian
June 6th, 1917 — June 15th, 2015
Super rich guy who donated tons of money to worthy causes, treated his family and friends well, was never an egomaniac, and never had any kind of scandal. This guy is of NO use to me.

Doctor
A doctor is like a WebMD that doesn't suggest your headache might be cancer.

Today's guests are two members of the Canadian band Tiny Rhymes whose latest EP "A Kinder History' is available on Soundcloud and iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Sharon Mok and Katie Weissman.

Me: Hello, ladies, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Sharon: We’re doing well, thanks! It’s currently bright and beautiful in Buffalo, and all our zombies have flown north for the summer.

Me: Buffalo? Sharon, you're from Canada or New York?

Sharon: I grew up in Canada (Kitchener, Ontario) and went to college in Ontario. I’ve only lived in Buffalo the past few years for work.

Me: Okay, well, Q: I always ask my Canadian interviewees if they like of one of my favorite bands Barenaked Ladies. Well?

Sharon: Haha.
I can’t comment, but I will say that even if I had a million dollars I’d find myself lying in bed, just like Brian Wilson did. One week ago, I walked into the old apartment and said, “pinch me." It hurt.

Me: Nice. Katie, where are you from?

Katie: I grew up in Amherst, NY... a suburb of Buffalo.

Me: So, how did you two meet each other?

Sharon: Word of mouth. While looking for a cellist to play an upcoming gig, I asked a friend of Katie’s who recommended her right away, and we have never looked back.

Me: Where is the band based?

Sharon: Buffalo, NY.

Me: Oh. Haha. I introduced you as a Canadian band. Oh, well. Sharon, you're the lead singer in Tiny Rhymes, am I right?

Sharon: Yes! I’m the lead singer and primary song writer.

Me: You started off playing piano but switched to guitar... was it an easy switch?

Sharon: It took a lot of effort for me, actually. In Canada, most kids learn music theory in conjunction with music lessons, and that did a lot to help me translate between the two instruments.

Me: How old were you when you started to play piano first?

Sharon: Six years old. I am a lucky girl.

Me: You grew up on Chinese opera and classical music, am I right?

Sharon: I grew up playing classical piano, but on afternoons I would spend time with my grandmother in the kitchen, and she always had the radio on the Chinese station, which had news and traditional music. I actually didn’t like Chinese opera while growing up, but the melodies are always there in my head. In 2008 I took a trip to China and fell in love with erhu music...

Me: What's that?

Sharon: Chinese cello/violin. My erhu lessons didn’t stick, and I started singing the melodies I wanted to hear.

Me: I have to ask my friend Michelle who lived in China for a year if she heard of erhu. Are your parents from China?

Sharon: They both immigrated to Canada from Hong Kong/ Kowloon when they were high school age.
My dad is a classically trained pianist and my mom plays the recorder, so I was exposed to a lot of classical music when I was little. My dad also listened to the Beatles and the Presidents of the USA, and my mom would put on Joni Mitchell and Mary Chapen Carpenter. I think the first tape I had was a Paula Abdul album, and I definitely owned Hanson's CD.

Me: Katie, how long have you been playing a cello?

Katie: Twenty-five years.

Me: Do you know Anna Jarvis? She plays cello as well.

Katie: No.

Me: I just saw you both know Adam Bentley who is like a Canadian music legend... haha. How do you two know him?

Sharon: We’re clients of his... he does great work at Auteur Research. We know him through friends of ours, The Nursery (a Toronto based band).

Me: Okay, so, who founded Tiny Rhymes?

Sharon: It grew organically. It started off as the need to fill out songs for a one-off gig and bloomed into more after the first show. For a minute we were called The Coywolves. That didn't last!

Me: Where did the name come from?

Katie: Tiny Rhymes is a play on Sharon’s Chinese name, 小韻.

Sharon: My family is Cantonese, and my mom gave me that name to match my sister’s name which starts with the same character.

Me: What does the name mean?

Sharon: “Small poem/rhyme” and it can mean musical articulation or literally music. I know musicians with my name’s character tattooed somewhere on their bodies, as I think a decade ago it was combined with another character and passed around as a tattoo that meant “beautiful music." A great get for my mom, but I believe the era of Chinese character tattoos has ended.

Me: By the way, I love this pic of you both dressed the same I saw on Facebook.

Me: You two must bet along great, am I right? Does the whole band get along?

Sharon: Yes, it’s been a really lucky situation where we get along musically and have a great time together!

Me: You have a new single called "Arrows." It's a really nice song. Sharon, did you write that song or does everybody write?

Sharon: Yes, I wrote that tune and arranged it with Katie and Kathryn, who wrote the string parts. The vocal harmonies at the end were actually written with a friend of mine and former bandmate, Corey Bzibziak. The glockenspiel part you hear was arranged by Dan Schwach.

Me: "A Kinder History" is the name of the EP... where did that name come from?

Sharon: It's a lyric from "Arrows"! It's about choosing a flattering narrative to present yourself as better than you actually were in the past-time erases some awkwardness from youth or inexperience but I'm sure we'd all like to think we've grown up and matured on our own. By writing this, I wanted to spare both me and my ex from awkward memories.

Me: So, does Tiny Rhymes play a lot of shows?

Sharon: We used to play two shows a month but we've calmed down a bit to regroup and write.

Me: Alright, so, on the Phile I ask random questions thanks to Tabletopics. Do you prefer to play inside or outside?

Me: Thanks so much for being on the Phile. Mention your websites and continued success. Please come back soon. All the best.

Sharon: Our website is tinyrhymesmusic.com, twitter handle is @tinyrhymesmusic and on Instagram/Facebook we're tinyrhymes. Our EP is on Soundcloud, Bandcamp, Spotify, and iTunes. Thank you for chatting with us!

Me: No problem. Take care.

That about does it for this entry. Thanks to Sharon and Katie from Tiny Rhymes. The Phile will be back tomorrow with trumpet player Jeff Osten. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Hey there, it's Thursday, and another entry of the Phile. How are you doing? Let's start with a story about porn. Why not. Top U.S. intelligence officers have released a cache of documents recovered from Osama bin Laden's secret hideout in Pakistan, but they remain steadfast in their refusal share any of the vast quantities of pornography the al Qaeda leader had reportedly been hoarding. Total non-bro behavior, bros! Seriously uncool! Kids all over the world are suddenly obsessing over a game that supposedly summons a Mexican demon named Charlie to the realm of humanity. By stacking one pencil on top of another, a person theoretically pulls a spirit of unfathomable evil and power from its slumber in the spirit plane, so that it may tell you whether or not that cute boy in Geometry class wants to make out with you. A team of researchers is preparing to study the use of MDMA (the main ingredient in the drug commonly known as Ecstasy) for treating the social anxiety often associated with autism. I'll be interested in phase two of this study, where they pack 500 test cases into a black room with just a bunch of glow sticks for light and tell them to not freak out. A laboratory-created hamburger patty, which used to cost approximately $325K to produce, now only costs about $12. Luckily for you, researchers estimate that artificial meat burgers are still two or three decades away from being a viable commercial option, so you won't have to make good on all your promises to yourself for a while yet. A group of archeologists exhuming a Mesoamerican site near Mexico City have gained some insight into how cannibal tribes prepared the flesh of their human victims, and some of it sounds pretty tasty. By studying ancients bones, researchers were able to determine that often the cannibal chefs would grill the meat, causing "the meat juices [to] concentrate around the bone and diffuse into it slightly." Other times, they would boil it with chillies and other colorful ingredients, resulting in slightly more yellow bones. Is it true that kosher cannibals don't eat hamstrings? A little girl had the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to meet Queen Elizabeth II today. She executed her part perfectly, offering a bouquet of flowers and making a nice little curtsy.
The Queen begins to depart and the little girl, 6 year old Maisie Gregory of Cardiff, lets her guard down... and immediately gets smacked in the face by a soldier pulling his hand up to salute.
"Ow!" she can be heard saying, which... by the way, in case you are ever smacked in front of the Queen isn't the polite exclamation. It's "What's the fuck, man?!"
Maisie's mom says the soldier immediately apologized and Maisie is okay. Okay, so, China exports a lot of stuff. Three of the biggest are clothes, electronics, and cautionary tales. And they're unmatched in all three. Chinese cautionary tales are the best, whether they involve funeral strippers, nonconsensual diving pigs, censorship anthems, or IKEA squatters. This latest tale only applies to men, but they should take heed of it carefully, because it concerns their greatest fear.
Mr. Yu, a man from Guangdong, China, was hitching a ride on a taxi scooter when he had a fall that put Humpty Dumpty to shame. He was riding on the back of the scooter behind the driver and another passenger, and decided to occupy himself by watching porn on his phone. I guess he figured no one would be the wiser because no one was behind him.
The problem was that he wasn't holding on to the motorcycle. He had his phone in one hand and his other hand was… occupied in another manner. So when the bike hit a small bump, Yu went flying. And when he landed, he broke his penis.
Of course, the penis doesn't have any bones to break. But a sufficient trauma while it's erect can literally crush the spongy penile tissue, causing intense pain and deformation that can take years to heal. It's a hefty price to pay for getting your jollies off on the way to work.
Now, Yu is suing the driver for $65,000. I'm not sure if he'd be able to convince a jury that it was the driver's fault, or get the jury to stop laughing, but it's worth a shot. What else is he going to do with his time? His penis is broken. So, pretty much every book is being turned into a movie nowadays. There's this book that came out many years ago... I don't know when, I don't have time to do the research, but there's this book that I'd love to see be made into a movie. Check it out...

Wouldn't that be a good movie? So, do you kids like chocolate? This has nothing to do with chocolate as such, but just the names. If you join some of the names you'll get some pretty strangely named chocolate bars. Check it out...

Man, that was a pretty lame set up to a pretty lame joke. A lot of you probably are fans of "Game of Thrones," I am sure. Did you know it was almost gonna be a Disney cartoon? No? Here's proof.

I have no idea who that is supposed to be, I have never seen the show. Speaking of TV, there's a new host on "The View." It's a giant squid!

That is so dumb. I don't think any of those women are on the show anymore. Okay, and now for some sad news...

Haha. That's gonna be me in a few years. If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Okay, before we continue I have to mention something personal. Once again a good friend of mine passed away. Wes Fereday was a friend from Epcot when I wa sin custodial. He was one of the nicest and funniest people I ever met. When he first met my dad in the 90s backstage at one of my dad shows the first thing he said to my dad was, "Do you know Aerosmith?" Anyway, wes passed from a heart attack last night. Wes, my friend, you will be missed.

Okay, I just read a story I have to comment on. Blogger and mother of three Abi Bechtel tweeted this image of a sign she saw at Target in Green, Ohio.

Here's how I imagine Target decided to put up the sign: "We have to distinguish the building sets from the girls' building sets. Building sets are for normal children (boys) who want to build buildings and vehicles. Girls' building sets are for girl children who want to build things for girls, like ponies and feelings. We can't get them mixed up, or else boys and girls might forget that they live in different worlds, or which one is better." To Target's credit, it's not like this is part of some sexist conspiracy. They're just doing what they have to do to sell toys. In an email to The Daily Dot, a spokesman explained that they tried removing the gender indicators as an experiment. “In those stores," she wrote, "our guest research showed us that guests preferred having a variety of indicators that can help inform and guide their shopping trip. Additionally, on Target.com, when guests shop for toys, they most often begin their search by sorting toys by brand, age and gender." So are the parents to blame? No, no one is to blame. But that doesn't mean we can't all help to fix it. And Target could make a small difference by taking down this sign, but they already said they won't. And that's fine. It's just a bummer. Recently, toy companies like GoldieBlox and LEGO have begun marketing building sets aimed specifically at girls. It's a noble effort to get more young girls interested in building, which can't hurt at a time when the fields of science and engineering are desperate to recruit more women. All the same, it's a little disconcerting that girls and boys can't enjoy the same blocks. There's nothing inherently male about a standard LEGO set. Even LEGO seems to have forgotten that, although they understood it back in the 70s, when they included this note in their sets...

Everything about this is awesome.

Today's guest is a Phile Alum and the author of the "Chasm Creek," the 37th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club. Please welcome back to the Phile... Patricia Cox.

Me: Hello, Patricia, welcome back to the Phile. How have you been?

Patricia: It is great to be back with you, thanks! I’ve been just wonderful, enjoying and appreciating life!

Me: It's been five years since you were here last, that's a long time. Have you been writing all the time, Patricia?

Patricia: Yes. I pretty much write or think about writing or read about writing or talk about writing. All the time.

Me: Last time you were here was for the book "Ramblings" which was a bunch of short stories and essays I think. How did that book do?

Patricia: You have a good memory. "Ramblings" was a great learning experience for me, giving me an opportunity to learn about Create Space and Kindle on Amazon. I’ve actually made the most sales to myself because I use it for promotional purposes (meaning I give it away to generate interest in my webpage and my other writing).

Me: Well, I said when you come out with your novel I will have you back on the Phile and now "Chasm Creek" is out, and you are here.

Patricia: And very happy about it, too. Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to talk to your fan base about my novel and about writing.

Me: You're welcome. You're originally from Rhode Island but live in Arizona now, am I right?

Patricia: Yes, I was born and grew up in Rhode Island and lived there for the first 40 years of my life.

Me: When did you move to Arizona and what made you want to move?

Patricia: I moved to Arizona in 1990, unbelievably that is now almost 25 years ago. Since childhood I had been drawn to the wide open spaces and to the 1800s. I watched all the westerns on TV, but they did not influence me. It was more the other way around – I already loved the west, and watched the TV shows to get filled up with it. Later, I read a lot of books such as "Pride’s Castle," "Lonesome Dove," "Deadwood," etc. So when I was finally in a position where I could take the leap (son grown up, house equity high), I packed up and took off.

Me: "Chasm Creek" takes place in Arizona but not present day. When does the book take place?

Patricia: The book takes place in 1880, when Arizona was a territory. There are also references to incidents from the 1860s and 1870s, when events crucial to the plot took place.

Me: Okay, tell the readers what the book is about.

Patricia: "Chasm Creek" is a story about friendship, loss, family, revenge and finding peace with your past. The three main characters are Morgan Braddock who is wanted in New Mexico for a murder he doesn’t remember committing; his friend Ruben Santiago who is a Navajo, but kidnapped as a child and raised in a Spanish household in Mexico City; and Esther Corbin, mother of four, abandoned by her husband on a farm outside the mining town of Chasm Creek. When Braddock and Santiago approach her about running a business supplying horses to the army, she rents her farm to them and moves into town. Their friendship becomes the catalyst for a string of events (ghostly encounters, violent confrontations) that tear apart the illusions each has been living with. No longer living lies, each must find their own truth, their place where they belong. Not a genre western!

Me: Is Chasm Creek a real place?

Patricia: Chasm Creek’s location is inspired by a real place: the town of Cave Creek in Arizona. I learned that it had been a gold mining town in 1880, and I did a lot of research on mining camps and the general history of that time period. Then I constructed a town in my mind based on what I had learned.

Me: Arizona is a big part of your life now, isn't it? You wrote a book for the Pioneer Arizona Living History Museum, am I right?

Patricia: Yes, I used to volunteer at that museum in the 1990s and wrote a Guide to the Exhibits for them which they sold at the gift shop for several years.

Me: So, what do you like about Arizona?

Patricia: I’m tempted to just stick in the link from the Phoenix newspaper for “30 Things to Love About Arizona,” but instead I will just say: The scenery, the climate, the people, and its history. This is my home, and I love it. My most thrilling review said that I may not have been born in Arizona, but I write like I was.

Me: Have you always been into the history of that state and the old west?

Patricia: I always enjoyed history but didn’t do a lot of research into the history of Arizona until I lived there. When you travel around the state as extensively as I have, you see so much of the past seeping through into the present, you just need to delve into it and learn more and more.

Me: So, are there any characters based on people you know, Patricia?

Patricia: Not really, although I would say that Esther is slightly inspired by my mother. She lived out in the country (although in very civilized Coventry R.I. in the 50s) with 4 children. My father only
“abandoned” us daily to go to work, though, and came home every night. The personalities of the 4 kids are also somewhat based on myself and my siblings, although all of the incidents are completely fictitious. I just did that because there were 4 of them and that was an easy way to keep them straight in my mind.

Me: How long did it take you to write this novel?

Patricia: I must admit I wrote the very first draft in the 90s, but it’s not like I worked on it nonstop since then. I’d write a draft, put it away, pull it out a year (or several years) later, work on it some more, put it away. I finally buckled down and got serious just a few years ago and after a year of really in-depth revision, felt like it was finished. I pitched it to a publisher at a Western Writers of America conference in 2013 and they offered me a contract.

Me: So, I have to ask, if someone wanted to make a movie based on your book what would you say?

Patricia: After I was revived, I would probably say, “Show me the money!” I used to daydream about this a lot, at one point envisioning a Last of the Mohicans reunion, with Daniel Day Lewis, Russell Means and Madeline Stowe as the main characters. But Russell Means passed away a year or so ago. I would hope for Clint Eastwood or Kevin Costner as directors, and then I would just trust them to do it right. I love movies and would consider it the pinnacle of success to have my novel made into a movie.

Me: There's a YouTube video advertising the book... I love the song and music in it. Who is that singing?

Patricia: I’m so glad you asked that! I have been attending writing classes for years that are taught by James Sallis at Phoenix College. He is a world-renowned author of crime novels (including the novel “Drive” which was made into a great movie). He is also in a band, Three Legged Dog. They had recorded a version of an 1800s hymn, “When Death is Only a Dream,” with lyrics just perfect for my story, and they allowed me to use it on my book video. I just love it. They are a talented bunch of musicians, hauling about 30 instruments to each gig, playing a mix of gospel, country, Cajun, folk, blues... you name it. They have a webpage and you can download their recordings, including the one used in the video. Check them out at: three-legged-dog.org.

Me: Now this book is out, are you already writing or planning our next book?
I’ve already finished my second book which is placed with MacGregor Literary Agency. I’m hopeful they will find a good home for it. It’s entitled “Hellgate” and takes place in 1879 in Prescott, Arizona which was the Territorial capital. I’m working on the third, “The Cabin Door.” It’s in its earliest stages. All I can say is it takes place in the past (1800s Arizona Territory) as well as the present. I’m not sure yet where it’s going. It’ll be fun to find out.

Me: I hope it comes out before five years is up. Do you write something at least once a day?

Patricia: I join you in that hope! And, no, I’ve never been that organized. I’m more of a “spurt” writer. But I am always thinking about the next scene so usually when I do sit down to write, it goes pretty well and for quite a while.

Me: I used to write short stories when I was a kid but I don't think I'll ever have them published. A lot of them I actually threw out believe it or not. How old were you when you started to write?

Patricia: I don’t remember ever not writing, but things that stand out in my memory are writing a novel as a 7th grade assignment, one chapter a week. It involved aliens but also gunfights. And I wrote a poem in the 8th grade that my mother carried around in her billfold for the rest of her life. It had been taken out so many times, the creases are coming apart. I have it now. I might frame it someday. I wish you hadn’t thrown out your stories!

Me: Same here. Okay, so, on the Phile I ask random questions thanks to Tabletopics. Ready? This is a good one. What's the most important right a person has?

Patricia: The right to change their mind.

Me: Patricia, thanks so much for being on the Phile. Go ahead and tell the readers where they can get the book. All the best, and please come back again soon.

Patricia: If someone wants a signed copy of "Chasm Creek," or would like to read some of the reviews, they can go to my website: patriciagradycox.com, and of course it’s also available via Amazon as a paperback or a Kindle version. It will be available later this month at Books on the Square in Providence, R.I., where I’m doing a book signing on June 27th.
Again, thank you very much for having me back. As before, it was a pleasure. Great questions and I hope you’ll have me back with the next book!

Me: Of course.

There, that does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Patricia Cox. Okay, the Phile will be on vacation for a two weeks but will return on June 29th. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let alligators and snakes bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Hello, welcome to a Wednesday entry of the Phile. It's Hump Day1 Whoo whoo. You know, before Hump Day Wednesday was Prince spaghetti day. Remember?

Shit, I'm showing my bloody age again. What's going on? A chemistry blog has done the world the service of explaining why bacon smells so amazingly good. The amazing aroma apparently comes from about the 150 chemical compounds that are created when the wunderfood is cooked. How this country has not created a gun made of bacon is beyond me. Fewer Americans are identifying themselves as Christian than any other time in the nation's history, according to a survey by the Pew Research Center. Only 71 percent of U.S. adults were found to be Christian in 2014, down eight percentage points from seven years earlier. In fact, those whom the poll lists as "unaffiliated"... a group which includes atheists, agnostics and people who can't be bothered to even consider the question... is currently greater than the number of Catholics in the country. Civil rights icon and slavery abolitionist Harriet Tubman topped an unofficial online poll asking Americans which woman they'd like to see replace Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill. As awesome as that would be, considering the continued gender inequality in the country, I wouldn't be surprised if she ended up on a $15.60 bill instead. Harriet Tubman on the $20 bill? Way to make the presidents feel awkward when they're stuffed in the same wallet. A team of Australian genetic engineers are in the process of developing a "super banana," capable of delivering large boosts of Vitamin A to its consumers, potentially saving hundreds of thousands of lives worldwide. It also should be able to contribute to the creation of some really phenomenal smoothies. Bad news, Simpsons fans: it hasn't been good since the 90s. Also, Homer and Marge are splitting up.
Longtime showrunner Al Jean broke the news in an interview with "Variety." In the upcoming season 27 (that's right, 27) premiere, the couple will get a legal separation after Homer's narcolepsy diagnosis puts a strain on their marriage. Then, Homer will fall in love with his pharmacist, voiced by Lena Dunham of "Girls." Knowing the show, they'll probably get back together by the end of the episode. Nor is this the first time their marriage has been in jeopardy. One time Marge threw Homer out for telling a class full of strangers about their sex life, and Homer once filed for divorce so that they could be remarried in style. Then I stopped watching, but there have probably been similar plotlines in the last 20 years. Something like: Homer thinks he's in love with an iPad voiced by Snooki so he gets a job as a life coach.
Jean also said that this season will feature a Halloween episode where Sideshow Bob finally kills Bart. And now that voice actor Harry Shearer is leaving the show, it looks like there's plenty of drama going on behind the scenes, too. Let's hope that all of these developments are leading to the one plot twist every fan wants: the show ending.
Do I sound bitter? I am. "The Simpsons" made me the man I am today, but it's been a pale shadow of its former self for years. It needs to die. I have to show you this picture...

Can you believe it? This guy wins $181 million in the lottery and then finds the love of his life just two days later. Talk about luck. Haha. That's so stupid. A Phile reader sent me this newspaper clip...

Bradley is a smart kid. Yup. You know, a lot of magazines show celebrities what they look like without makeup. I thought why not do the same... so, check it out.

Hahaha. That's crazy. Okay, kids, and now let's see who took a dirt nap.

Vincent Bugliosi
August 18th, 1934 — June 8th, 2015
So Vinnie is dead, and that nutjob Manson is somehow still alive? How the hell did that happen?

Tariq Aziz
April 28th, 1936 — June 5th, 2015
Tariq is going to reek.

This one is fucking cool. If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Before we continue I have to show you something cool. This display is at the Tokyo Rock Showcase in Roppongi Tokyo, Japan.

You can check out more at tokyorockshowcase.jp/en/index.html. My dad would think this is very cool. I might have to take a trip to Tokyo now. Ha! Like that's gonna happen. Alright, so, by now you know I live in Florida, right? Well, here in Florida lots of crazy stuff happens. And not all is bad. You'll see in a minute in a pheature I call...

Get ready to cry tears of pure happiness. This heartwarming pet reunion is the news story equivalent of a pile of warm, clean laundry coming to life and giving you a hug. Seven years ago, Julie Arango's Boston Terrier puppy Lola dug a hole under the fence and escaped from their yard in Homestead, Florida. Arango said she and her daughter, Celina, searched for Lola for months with no luck. Even the microchip didn't help bring her home. The Arangos were heartbroken. Fast forward seven years, when Arango received a phone call from a veterinary clinic in Ft. Lauderdale who told her they had Lola. She couldn't believe it! The vet explained that Lola had been in a loving home for the past seven years, but the owner needed to give her away and posted an ad on Craiglist. Linda Gall answered the Craigslist ad to adopt Lola, and when Gall took the dog to the vet, they discovered the microchip. Ah, yes! The microchip! Technology saves the day! Thanks again for everything, technology, you're always there for us when we need you most. Julie and Celina Arango are now reunited with their lost lost puppy, and want to pick up right where they left off. Oh, and just in case this story wasn't the most uplifting thing you've read all day, today is Celina's birthday! And she's going to bring Lola with her to college in the fall!

Hey, guys! I'm back! I gotta tell you about all the butts I sniffed while I was gone!

The 37th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Phile Alum and author will be a guest on the Phile tomorrow.

Today's guest is a musician whose latest CD "Dover Soul" where he does a duet with Chuck Berry is available on iTunes and CDBaby... I wish this blog was called Peverett Soul. Anyway, please welcome to the Phile... David Dover.

Me: Hello, David, welcome to the Phile, sir. How are you?

David: I am good.

Me: I have to tell you, and I am being sincere, your hair is amazing. How long have you had your hair like that, sir? Would you ever cut it?

David: I have no plans to cut my hair off.

Me: Okay, let's talk about your music, which is why you are here, and not to talk about your hair. I downloaded your last album "Dover Soul" and really enjoyed it. It has some very good boogie, rock, blues sounding songs, some spiritual songs and even a duet with Chuck Berry. Chuck Berry?! How the hell did that happen?

David: I got to play with Chuck Berry this way... I am friends with the promoter but the reason we are friends is because I also have a lighting and sound company. I was hired to do all the production for that show.. As in lights and sound, be the opening band and be the band for him. I asked Chuck if it would be okay to record the show and said yes. I brought recording gear that day just in case. It was a moment on rock and roll time that I captured for history. A hundred years from now no one will remember David Dover but they will remember Chuck Berry and I was there that day.

Me: You guys did a duet on "Johnny B. Goode" and I loved it. My dad, if he was alive, would be jealous.

David: That's why I wanted to record it... I did three shows over the years with Foghat. Lonesome Dave was your father?

Me: Yep.

David: That is very cool... I knew him and he was always nice to me when we would meet.

Me: Cool. Anyway, how was Chuck to work with? That must of been a real thrill. Was that the first time you worked together?

David: That day at the Maybee Center in Tulsa was the one and only time I worked with Chuck. We did get offered to go do other shows with him but I declined to go. I said if Chuck would spring for a nice bus, I would go. He ain't about to come off that kind of money. LOL.

Me: "Dover Soul" is your fifth album, David, how would you compare it to your other albums?

David: I like "Dover Soul" the best because I am getting better at production and I wrote most of those songs.

Me: When did your first album come out, David? I imagine you've been playing for a long time.

David: I recorded my first record in 1984. My first album came out in 1989.

Me: I listened to your other albums, and was surprised to hear you recorded the Dave Edmunds song, which Bruce Springsteen wrote, "From Small Things." Are you a Dave Edmunds fan?

David: I have always liked Dave Edmunds... Even before most people really knew who he was.

Me: On some of your songs I hear a John Hiatt resemblance. Has anybody compared you to him before?

David: As far as I know I have not been compared to John Hiatt.

Me: On the album "Seal of Approval" you do an amazing version of "Amazing Grace," which is one of my favorite religious songs ever. I want that song played at my funeral, and I might pick yours. Pretty much on all your albums, you do a few religious or spiritual songs. Is that something that is very important to you? I like it that you mix up your music.

David: On the album "Seal of Approval" I do a couple of spiritual songs. I wish I could sound like a gospel choir when I sing but I do what I can.

Me: You also have a few political songs thrown in. You are definitely proud to be an American, aren't you?

David: I love my country, yes... America does not always do the right thing in the world but I think most peoples intentions here are just and true. It's the government that messes everything up.

Me: So, "Seal of Approval"... where did that title come from?

David: I named the album because it was just a live type deal at a rehearsal and we recorded it. The name comes from the songs my fans wanted me to play a lot. There are no original songs of mine on that one.

Me: A lot of country singers, more then any genre, sing about America. Toby Keith and Lee Greenwood, for example. Do you ever get put into the country genre?

David: I tried my hand at country for a while but no matter where I went, people wanted the Creedence songs and the Bob Seger songs. So they weren't really buying the fact that I was singing country so that didn't last.

Me: You do quite a few Creedence songs, David, why is that? You must be a big CCR fan.

David: I do a lot of Creedence because that's just how my voice comes out. In 1985 I obtained a one year license to be the first Creedence Tribute Band approved by all four members of Creedence. To my knowledge John Fogerty has not let anyone else do that and use the name in advertising.

Me: I am not sure. Fogerty is a friend of yours though, right?

David: He became my friend after that and I still do a lot of his songs.

Me: If you were going to write a song about President Obama, would it be a positive song, or a negative one?

David: I wouldn't write a song about the President if I couldn't be proud to do it and make it positive so I guess I won't be writing about Mr. Obama anytime soon.

Me: Haha. Okay. David, you play a lot of acoustic guitar, but what do you prefer, an electric guitar or acoustic? I take it you play Gibson's as well. I don't know why I take it you do, just an hunch.

David: I play acoustic in the first set. I play an '84 Strat primarily. I have a Gary Moore Signature Les Paul but it seldom ever leaves my house as it has no scratches on it and it is a 2000 model that looks new. My old Strat does what I need from my guitar.

Me: That's the pink one, right?

David: It looks pink but they say it is coral.

Me: You're from Oklahoma, right? Have you lived there all your life? Is that where you record your albums?

David: I record in an old house that I turned into my studio in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

Me: Do you go on tour across America often?

David: I have traveled and played other cities and states but not on a large level.

Me: So, what kinda gigs do you do?

David: Just opening for bigger bands a lot... I did the club circuit when I was in my twenties and that is a good age to do that.

Me: Currently you are recording a new album, David, will you have any guests on it like Chuck Berry?

David: I am currently working on my latest album entitled "Legends Myths and Rumors."Me: Okay, there must be a reason you are calling it that.

David: The reason I am calling it that is every song will have a different legend playing on it.

Me: Can you say who?

David: I have confirmation from some of my music heroes from my younger days saying they will play on it with me. It will be ALL original and all David Dover Tulsa Music. I have two songs finished and I am working on the third now. Rocky Frisco is on both songs and Chuck Blackwell is the drummer on the second song. Jimmy Karstein, David Teegargen, Ed King (Lynyrd Skynyrd), Don White, have all said yes to being on this album with me. I have a few more friends that are harder to track down but I will get them to be on it too. I will send you the songs in a file form for your personal.

Me: What about John Fogerty? Hey, maybe you can ask him if he wants to be on the Phile.

David: He is very illusive and a little difficult to talk to. He told me he would never sue me for singing his songs and for me to have fun with them.. For a long time he wouldn't sing them and people assumed he was legally bound to stay away from them. Not true. He just wouldn't sing them which is why he let me do it.

Me: David, thanks so much for being on the Phile. Please come back when your new album comes out. I wish you lots of luck and keep doing what you're doing. Take care.

David: Thank you, Jason. More on my history is on my Facebook music page. It's called David Dover and his version of the Tulsa sound.

That about does it for this entry. Thanks to David Dover for a great interview. The Phile will be back tomorrow with Phile Alum and author Patricia Cox. So, spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

Saturday, June 6, 2015

Good evening and welcome to the Phile for a Saturday. As Graham Parker once said... Saturday night is dead. What a great song. Anyway, how are you? Okay, let's see what is happening. Sepp Blatter has announced that he is resigning as President of FIFA after 17 years on the job. It is assumed that this comes in response to a mounting investigation from the FBI for possible incidents of corruption, though it's always possible that the 79 year old man simply wants to spend more time collecting bribes from his family. Mike Huckabee is coming under fire from the media this week for a joke he made about transgender people back in February. "I wish that someone told me that when I was in high school that I could have felt like a woman when it came time to take showers in PE," Huckabee told an audience at the National Religious Broadcasters Convention in Nashville, Tennessee. "I'm pretty sure that I would have found my feminine side and said, 'Coach, I think I'd rather shower with the girls today.'" You see that? Thoughtless, creepy and intolerant all in one comment. That's how you win a GOP primary. Mike Huckabee sure is doing a great job courting molester-defending, transphobic, straight-up creepy voters. Enormous fire-breathing reptile Godzilla has been made an honorary citizen of Japan, thanks to his years of tireless work trampling the buildings of Tokyo. “Godzilla is a character that is the pride of Japan,” Mayor Kenichi Yoshizumi of the Shinjuku ward of Tokyo explained. To put it into terms that Americans can understand, he's sort of like Bill O'Reilly: a destructive, dinosaur-like created that we kind of like for some reason. Matthew Apperson, the man who is on trial for shooting George Zimmerman in the face... will use Florida's Stand Your Ground defense. This is the legal tactic that Zimmerman himself made famous when he stood trial for the shooting death of Trayvon Martin in 2012. Though, it should be noted that Zimmerman was not wearing a hoodie when the incident occurred, so that might be a factor. Disney studios has announced that it is adapting the iconic "Night on Bald Mountain" animated sequence from 1940s Fantasia into a full-length live action movie. Here's hoping they get Patrick Stewart to play the mountain. Okay, so, sometimes I sit around and wonder what I can do to make my blog more popular... to get more readers. I get lots of advice from you out there and one of the things I get told that the blog lacks is animal photos. For some reason, people love pictures of animals. One of my favorite animals is the giraffe... so maybe if I put up a pic of a giraffe word will get out. So, here we go.

Haha. Man, that was a big build up for that photo. A lot of magazines have pictures of celebrities without their make up so I thought it'll be fun of the Phile did the same thing. Check it out...

So, I have ti show you this poster. This is very real... but I don't know what they were going for.

Yup. That's almost a Mindphuck, right? You know, working at Disney I meet a lot of different people... and I sometimes wonder if aliens exist. Then I saw this...

Yep. They exist alright. Alright, I have to tell this story... There's nothing wrong with buying an accurate Star Wars Stormtrooper costume and wearing it around town. You might get some stares, but that's probably what you want. There is something wrong with wearing it and loitering in front of an elementary school. That's liable to get you arrested.
That's what happened to this unlucky member of the Imperial Army.

He appeared in front of Brickett Elementary School in Lynn, Massachusetts on Wednesday just moments before class was meant to let out. Parents there to pick up their children were shocked and afraid. They didn't know what he was going to do... he was holding a blaster, and they didn't want anyone to wind up like Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. The principal noticed him and delayed dismissal until police showed up. Officers immediately arrested him and removed his mask, identifying him as a local man, 40 year old George Cross. Luckily, it turned out his laser gun was fake (because laser guns aren't real) and he claims his intentions were totally benign. He bristled at questions from 7 News reporters after his arraignment:
"Like I'm some kind of weirdo? I bought a costume, I was walking through the neighborhood showing friends, and then all that."
By "all that," he meant his charges of disturbing a school and loitering within 1,000 feet of a school. Those charges aren't even that bad considering his behavior. His story of "showing friends" is pretty sketchy. Are his friends 7? They would be the most impressed by the costume. If they're not, then why was he meeting them in front of an elementary school right when it was letting out? I don't think he was going to do anything bad... I think he wanted to get a reaction out of a bunch of kids. He just didn't count on the reaction of all the adults.
But what do you expect? He's a Stormtrooper... they're famously weak-minded. Hey, George, this isn't the hobby you're looking for. Okay, so, there's a thousand different blogs out there. Not all have over 800 entries, or all pheature clever pics and cool interviews... but they are all unique in their own way. Once in awhile I like to pheature different blogs and put them in the...

Go look at the blog, but finish this one first. When you go read it let them know the Phile sent you. And now for...

Top Phive People Who Wants To See Entourage5. People who didn't think eight seasons of aimless model-humping were nearly enough.4. Adrian Grenier's fan, who got tired of waiting for him to be in something else.3. People who couldn't get into Mad Max, but still wanted to see a movie about a nightmarish world devoid of hope and compassion.2. Lovers of slow-motion shots of douchebags walking away from private jets.
And the number one person who wants to see Entourage...1. Matt Dillon, whose mom forces him to see everything his rat-faced little brother is in.

This one is a stretch. Good luck, kids. If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Okay, before we continue I have to mention something personal. An old friend and fellow Disney Cast Member named Gordon Bolle... Grampa Gordon to his friends passed away last night. He was always telling a joke... and was a bog fan of this stupid little blog. Grampa Gordon, you will be missed.

It's 7:59pm, 82°F and Kelly Clarkson covers Rihanna's "Bitch Better Have My Money," reminds me she's a boss. Disclaimer: "Bitch Better Have My Money" is a killer track, Rihanna sings it like the perfect badass she is, and it was basically meant for her. However, Kelly Clarkson might have the most incredible set of pipes of our generation, and she can destroy pretty much any song in her path.
This cover proves that Kelly Clarkson may indeed be the one person on this planet that I would pay to hear sing the phone book. Do phone books still exist? Do phones still exist? Anyway, Clarkson's version of the song can't even be compared to the original because it's an entirely new piece of musical artistry, and we should be just be thankful every time she graces us with the sound of her voice. Enjoy. youtube.com/watchlist=PL1CA6335E0D3699B6&v=K5K66qKJLo8#t=18.

The 37th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Author and Phile Alum Patricia Cox will be a guest on the Phile next Friday.

Today's guest is a member of the dance trio Cash Cash whose new single "Untouchable" is available on iTunes now. Please welcome to the Phile... Jean Paul Makhlouf.

Me: Hello, man, welcome to the Phile. So, how are you?

Jean Paul: We're good! we just released our new single "Untouchable" which is available on iTunes.

Me: Where are you guys from? New York, right?

Jean Paul: We're all from a small town called Roseland in New Jersey.

Me: Oh. You all seem so long, so I cannot imagine you've been in a band for long, am I right?

Jean Paul: We've been Cash Cash since 2008 and playing in other bands together since elementary school.

Me: I have to ask you about the band name, who came up with it? Why Cash Cash and not just Cash?

Jean Paul: We came up with the song first. As the consequence we had the song "Cash Cash" written. After we got signed we found out we had to change the name because the rapper Consequence owned the name and legally we had to change it. It was also around a time where a lot of people we're also trying to screw us over from agents to labels and out of frustration trying to come up with a new name I yelled, "Everyone's after all our damn cash and we don't even have any yet, we should just name the band Cash Cash." We all laughed and the name stuck!

Me: I was hoping you said you guys were big Johnny Cash fans. What music do you kids listen to?

Me: Yeah, I saw a picture of you guys and Katy Perry. I have to show it here...

Me: Let's talk about your music. You have a new single called "Untouchable" which we mentioned. I know that's not your first release... what was your last album called?

Jean Paul: "Love Or Lust."

Me: Did you guys all write the songs?

Jean Paul: We write all our own music. We did co-wrote a few of the songs together with some friends and it was a really fun experience!

Me: You guys are signed to a U.S. label and a Japanese label. Are you guys big in Japan? Have you been over there to play yet?

Jean Paul: We just signed with Twilight Records in Japan and we're really excited to get over there this summer. We've always wanted to tour Japan and have been waiting a long time for it to happen!

Me: You guys played the Warped Tour a few years ago, and recently did a free show in Times Square. Do you guys like doing big outdoor shows, or would you rather play inside at a club?

Jean Paul: Warped Tour was an amazing experience that I will remember for the rest of my life! So many awesome memories were made. We all grew up going to Warped Tour seeing our favorite bands and playing it was just a priceless feeling. We love playing small shows too because they are very intimate with the crowd and you can really feed of their energy. It's all about keeping a good balance between the two.

Me: What's been your favorite gig you have done so far?

Jean Paul: I don't know if I can narrow it down to a single show... but Bamboozle '09 was definitely one of the biggest we've ever played as well as Kiss FM Seattle's Jingle Bell Bash.

Me: Some of you guys are featured in the video game "Sonic Colors," is that right? How did that happen? Are you characters in the game?

Jean Paul: Me, Alex, and Sam worked on the theme song as well as the closing song for "Sonic Colors." I sang over the theme song and Alex did talk box on the closing song. It was really awesome because we all grew up playing Sonic games as children. It was such a privilege to work on it. We are currently working on another Sonic game but can't give any information on it at this time!

Me: I listened to your single "Red Cup (I Fly Solo)" and have to ask you, what does that mean? Is that kid lingo for something? I am old, guys, explain it to me.

Jean Paul: Haha... it's a play on words between being solo and red solo cups. Sometimes we write stupid songs like that one that are just about partying and having fun. Let's just say it's not one of those songs that's gonna change the world... and we're cool with that.

Me: You recorded that with Lacey Schwimmer from "Dancing With the Stars" and someone named Spose. How did you get Lacey involved? She's a dancer, right? Did you know her before the song was recorded?

Jean Paul: We met Lacey out in L.A. when we recorded our first full length CD in the summer of '08. We stayed in touch and it was awesome to finally work on something with her! Spose was on Universal Republic Records with us and we met him at Bamboozle Chicago.

Me: Fantastic. Jean Paul, thanks so much for being on the Phile, you guys are gonna be big. When you are, I hope you will still come back onto the Phile. Go ahead and plug your website if you want.

There you go, that about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Jean Paul Makhlouf for the interview. It wasn't the most exciting one I have to admit... I blame myself. Haha. The Phile will be back on Wednesday with musician David Dover. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Rest in peace, Gordon.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker