Thursday, December 29, 2011

Life with stupid (phone)

For Christmas I got an iPhone (or, more specifically I was promised an iPhone, but I need to go with my dad to the Verizon store to retrieve it).

I asked for one after quickly realizing that there are things like fantasy football scores and Google searches that need to be accessed IMMEDIATELY, especially if you’re out at a bar.

But there are far more ways the iPhone will improve my quality of life.

For one, I get lost a stupid amount and smart phone maps are helpful when my GPS is being a slow-ass B.

I’ve also been juggling a lot of freelance assignments and need to read my email from my phone instead of calling my brother in California (two times zones away) asking him to log in as me or look up an address RIGHT NOW PLEASE, I’M LOST ON THE INTERSTATE!!!

Also, I have no calendar to speak of...which is probably why I missed your party.

My work calendar is on my work computer, see, which I can’t access from my phone and my phone calendar only lets you put in 20 characters per entry.

WTF??

As such, on Feb. 12, I have a “dentist apt. nap. ave. 1 p”

I’m pretty sure life can be much more organized than this.

Also, as a writer, I’m constantly thinking of new things to write about, ideas to pitch, new toolbag material blah blah blah and my phone has no “notepad” of any kind.

And, since ideas slip away like an eel if you don’t write them down, I regularly send text messages with ideas...to my email.

Is that odd? My million dollar ideas (ha) can be found by doing a Yahoo email search of my phone number -- garbled text messages lost among Groupon and Living Social offers.

Speaking of text messages, my inbox gets filled to capacity every two weeks and I have to empty it.

(It’s not my fault I send 200 texts a week!! I’m basically a middle school girl.)

Having to regularly clear out all my text messages has caused me to accidently delete people’s phone numbers and delete important texts.

So now I’m trained to remember that if I get a particularly important or cute text message that I want to keep, I have to “lock” it, or else it will be deleted in the weekly exodus.

I won’t miss this phone at all.

I’ve been hating on it for a while now, especially since I accidently dropped it into a pool of beer and for some reason can’t turn the sound below the “LOUD AS F*CK” option.

And it no longer lets me access speakerphone which means I can't talk to anyone while brushing my teeth anymore.

And, embarrassingly enough, in the two years I’ve had it, I don’t even know how to turn it off.

Seriously!! Holding down the END button doesn’t work!!! (I’m so 90s)

I have to put the thing on “airplane mode” when I’m on an airplane and hope I don’t take the plane down!!!

But all this changes now.

iPHONE here I come!!! 2012!! EFF YEA

Onto a smarter and better me!

Just you wait until I start holding my phone up to a speaker to figure out what song is playing!

Or write down a grocery list that will activate when I walk into a grocery store!!!