Saturday, February 23, 2008

Dave Barry's Colonoscopy

There's a recurring pattern in the Unknown Household: I read something that I think is split-my-sides funny. I share it with the Unknown Wife. Then, she give me the kind of exasperated, mildly disgusted look that shows once again that men and women are from different universes.

This piece by humorist Dave Barry is the latest installment in the continuing series. He describes the events up to and including his finally getting a colonoscopy at age 60. And since anything related to (as Barry puts is) "the behindular region" is fertile grounds for guy humor, I just have to share it with y'all. The funniest part (and the one that actually did get a chuckle out of the Unknown Wife) was his description of the laxative they gave him beforehand, called MoviPrep. We gave something similar (Called "GoLightly", which shows that the maker didn't believe in truth in advertising) to the Unknown Son before his surgery. So, we can relate. Here's the best part:

I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.