Got vice?

Lately when I am not bemoaning all the shit going down in my life or working hard to stay cool. I have noticed that it’s no longer acceptable to have bad habits or vices. One especially does not wish to let the world know they have any vices if they are a parent because good gravy parents must be perfect. We must model exemplary behavior lest our progeny be doomed to a lifetime of good psychotropics and an even better therapist.

So what brought this on you ask? Well yesterday when I was waking up and checking in on some of my good time-wasting sites online, the issue was raised of how many people would admit to eating fast food on a regular basis? I actually saw someone say that fast food is so reviled that people would sooner admit to smoking rather than admitting the Colonel calls out their name with some crispy chicken, or even better that the smells at McDonald’s occasionally lures them in, come on you know the fries smell good. I swear every time I go past a McD’s for a moment I think french fries!

Now it would have been easy for me to dismiss this as internet rambling until I thought about my personal circle of friends and at this point I feel I must admit that yes I do have a vice. I am an on again, off again smoker. I quit for some years, life gets rough, I light up again. Most people until now have no idea that I battle the butts, because I don’t smoke around others for the most part and that includes, my house, car. at the job. you get the picture. By virtue of the fact that everyone gives smokers the stank eye keeps me in line. And before anyone feels compelled to lecture me, save it, my mother died of lung cancer. I know what can happen if I don’t get a hold of this vice. On the other hand I am human and humans are weak no matter what we think, we all have our weaknesses that we cannot avoid. For some people its gambling, food, drugs, shopping, even love one of the purest of emotions can be stretched to vice if its excessive. I am a big fan of life in moderation.

So now that I have outed myself completely and fully (believe I have hinted as this in the past) lets talk about the fact that in my immediate circle of real life peeps just in Maine, I have about 4-5 who are also undercover smokers. Except for one person, they are more undercover than me, to the point their partners don’t even know they occasionally hit the butts. One of these folks is 50. I don’t know about you but why the hell at 50 is one hiding any habits? Why? Because people look at you like you are crazy if you admit to having a vice.

By the same token I have been in spaces where admitting that I occasionally feed my kid fast food was met with an icy glaze. Um….I said fast food, not rat poison. Look, some of us have become so damn high and mighty we forget to just be. Seriously, just be in the moment and not feel the need to put value or judgement on people or things.

Indeed . . . funny enough I had someone in my circle tell me recently that his family regards tofu as junk food and they rarely eat it . . . because it’s processed. LoL.

I don’t know how I feel about this whole phenomenon. On the one hand, I’m glad to see that folks recognize things that are really the best for them. But on the other hand, I feel like there’s a lot of judgment and guilt associated with it and to me, sometimes that’s more deadly than the vice. There’s got to be a balance. One meal of greasy, fatty pizza simply will not undo 10 home cooked (or at least home prepared) meals. Vices are part of what make us who we are and as long as we are not in denial about them and trying to do better in a general way, there’s no reason to waste energy feeling bad about them or feeling superior because we don’t struggle with those particular vices.

I eat fast food sometimes and I curse too much. I’m ok with me. If I chose to change those things, I surely will, but I won’t let the masses shame me into changing. Nah, the masses don’t move me, especially when EVERYONE has SOMETHING that another could look at and pass judgment.

You know, this really hit home with me. I too am an on-again-off-again smoker. I remember during my last physical this year sheepishly telling my doc that I had started smoking again. This after getting a complete physical with absolutely nothing wrong cardiac wise.

She had told me that I was very low risk despite that…She made me realize that life is indeed fickle and that we are all human. That at least I know smoking is not the best thing to do for myself and in time when I am ready I will stop again.

The best thing was that she was not even lecturing me…she was very empathetic and knows how damn hard it is to quit….that I am harder on myself than she is.

I loved smoking. Everything about it. Having something to do with your hands. Literally pulling fire into your lungs, blowing out smoke. Feeling powerful and vulnerable at the same time.

But then I got pregnant and even a whiff of a cigarette sent me to the toilet. Never went back. A good thing, too, for my health, etc. But not something to get all morally huffy about.

I have so many vices I probably shouldn’t even start listing them: profanity; vanity; laziness and, oddly, obsessive behaviors about order and neatness–a tidy sloth; chocolate; brandy; cheeseburgers; chips and dip; and on and on and on….in other words, i’m human. glad to know you are too.

See here Shay, I’m a hot mess and I really don’t care. I will jump on the band wagon about smoking. I don’t like the after taste of it. But I luv to see a muthafucka smoke tho! Benecio Del Toro smoke it up! And I would even lite one and join him if Obama wanted me too. I can just see him just sitting back with his top two buttons undone, feet propped up on the oval office puffin. That’s what hot! There’s something so damn sexy about it. But stay out of my breathing space when you’re done until you’ve flossed, brushed and goggled lol.

I eat fast food about as frequently as I smoke; about once a month or less. I know that both are evil industries and that both will probably give me cancer, and I make no justifications for doing it. I think I would rather smoke once a month at a party than abstain until I’m 40 and then give in hard. There isn’t much of a parallel here with fast food; cigarettes are clearly more addictive and harmful. But hey, it’s life. We all give ourselves away to something, whether it be a job, a drug addiction, a video game, a relationship or a social activist movement. As long as you know how to enjoy it, it’s all good. That’s the way I look at it anyway.