My name is Lo and I was the mamma of Charley. He was 13 1/2. He was the light of my life. I got him as a 9 week old from a breeder in the Santa Maria area. Unfortunately he was diagnosed with very bad hip dysplasia when he was over 2 months old and not a candidate for the early operation to correct the problem. I got him all the early intervention I could think of, Adequan shots series, acupuncture, special meals and vitamins. We even bought a house with not so great a house on the land but a great amount of grassy soft yard so he could get his exercise and play in without more damage to the joints in his hips. He was my studio mate. I'm an artist. He was my everything. My husband and son loved him as much as I did and Charley loved everyone equally. He had been picked up so he could walk for the last 6 months or so. He was also on Pred, Tram and Gaba for the last year along with a last series of acupuncture shots for the last 3 months. 2 days ago he stopped being able to walk on his own, then the sling did not work because his front legs stopped working. His whole body broke down in 48 hours. We called a vet recommended by a dear rescue foundation friend of mine. And five minutes before the vet was to be at our door, Charley woke from a straight 5 hour nap to go outside in our big front lawn. He did not want to pee or move his bowels, just walk painfully with my husband holding his rear with a sling. Then I knew that he knew. I brought out his old loved bed that he chose over all the new ones I bought him along the way and laid down. He went peacefully except for my cries of love that I said over and over. I also got him to stare at me when I asked him if he would come back to me if I looked for him. I think I saw yes in his eyes. Is there such a beautiful thing as reincarnation? I hope with all my heart yes because I cannot see myself without him. It has been 22 1/2 hours and I have been out of my skin. And worse, I have to take a trip to Hong Kong for 5 days on Sat.
How does this hell stop? Does it ever stop? Should I look for my re-born Charley in a few months? Please do not think I'm crazy. Yes. I am an artist/painter and this all sounds weird. But Charley was not my dog, he was my family, friend and my everything.

Please accept my condolences on the loss of Charley....I know right now the pain seems bigger than your heart can bear.......and no you will never 'get over it' it will just get less hurtful. Charley was your 'heart dog' he will always be with you! Just remember that now he is in a place where he can chase the rabbits and bark at the squirrels and no body will say 'NO!' to him! God Bless You for giving him a wonderful life!

Thank you LEUllman, I knew I would find people here that understood what it meant and maybe could advise me because, truly, I have only felt this empty two other times, when I lost my sister 10 years ago and when I lost my mother 2 years ago. But this pain is almost worse. Please understand when I say this I mean no disrespect to my most beloved mother and sister. They were both in my soulmates circle, but so was my Charley.....It's just a lost feeling. No more Charley is an unbearable thought.

Lo, My heart and sympathy go out to you. I can actually feel your heartbreak reading your post. Don't try to figure everything out right now, just try to rest and heal. You must be exhausted! Your loss is incredibly recent, you need time to come to terms with things. Please don't have any concerns about what you're feeling or thinking right now, you will come out of this tailspin, I promise. Rely on those who want to help you, you'll find many here who do. And Lo, you are still Charley's mamma. That never ends. I hope we'll continue to hear from you. Safe travels.

Chagall's Mom...Thank you for your very kind words of help. I think I'm pushing the envelope with my husband who thinks all my talk of finding Charley again is too crazy for words. And it may be. But right now the thought of the possibility of his soul returning to me in another tall 80 pound glorious blue black poodle boy is keeping me going. He was in pain before and maybe this time he will return in a healthier body that will stay with me even longer than 13 1/2 years. I sound so greedy in this post but my heart is so damn broken...He stayed and worked along side me in my studio all this years.... He was my muse. I may not have painted him but he was a part of every painting I ever did.

I think they understand better than we do when its time to say good by.We cant see past the pain that is so unbearable that it is offensive to our very being and every breath we take.We that have experienced this kind of love,understand every pain, every feeling of loss that you are , for we too, have ben there,and we are here for you if and when you need us.

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