Please. Please, please, please. Courtney Stodden, I don’t want to hear one more thing out of your twitchy little mouth about everything on your body being “rill,” because unless you have a fraternal twin out there somewhere (a, ahem, better-looking fraternal twin at that), it’s all complete BS to me. ALL of it.

Check out the other photo in the gallery who is definitely Courtney Stodden and who definitely looks nothing like Courtney Stodden.

I gathered that Anderson thinks Courtney‘s a trashy, rotten pumpkin-head with a mad facial tic. And I’ve realized, I’m totally OK with that and, as always, I agree whole-heartedly with what the Silver Fox has to say.

You know, every time I try to type “Doug,” you know what comes out? “Dough.” I just can’t stop it. Even consciously trying *not* to type “Dough,” it happens. Like in that first sentence there. Which I suppose is appropriate, because the “Doug” in question is probably puffy, yeasty, clammy, and spoiled-milk-colored underneath those clothes. Consider me grossed the f*ck out.

Remember how these two weirdos got their reality show? They did. And about that, now they’re shopping around for a network to pick it up. Naturally, they headed to MTV, home of Jersey Shore and Teen Mom fame. And really, what could be more appropriate? Maybe Courtney could even mentor these girls. Let the teen moms know that if they keep f*cking around, keep heading to the bars and beating the shit out of their gross boyfriends when they should be home raising their damn kids, that said kids might turn out to be like Courtney herself. But hey. I mean, maybe that’s exactly what they want – a slutty little cashcow so they can stop cashing welfare checks and start cashing royalty checks.

Oh, RuPaul, you’re always just so good for a giggle with your sassy words and your sassy ways! Have you guys watched RuPaul’s Drag Race? It’s universally amazing. Last week I watched an episode with my BFF, my roommate, and my boyfriend, and we’ve all been quoting it since. I had dinner with my boyfriend and his best friend, and as we were leaving, Boyfriend held his head high and told his bro “now sashay away.”

Anyway, did you appreciate RuPaul’s blatant trolling as much as I did?

Please. Please, please, please. First of all, do I believe for one hot second that Courtney Stodden was kicked off Facebook for posting this photo? Hell no! Have you seen some of the photos posted on Facebook? This is downright – almost – demure and tasteful. Do I also believe that it was “jealous women” who mass-reported the photos to administrators, requesting her to be banned? No way. Jealous? Why am I jealous? Why would the average, of-age woman be jealous of this twit? Because she’s got fake boobs but looks pre-pubescent from the bellybutton down? Because she’s got a face like Stifler’s mother?

Do you think we could possibly arrange a Marilyn-off? And Lindsay and Courtney would dress up and sing “Happy Birthday” to Obama and eventually get in the most glamorous cat fight the world has ever seen? Can we get that going somehow?