She’s tired of my words, Tired of a world that turned on her. Things were great but short lived, Now she doesn’t remember how it felt To greet the new day with a smile Or a hope that would see her through tomorrow. “You said things were going to… going to get better. So why aren’t they getting any… getting any better?”

I answered with this… I’m sticking to my words… Even life at its worst, It doesn’t even come (it doesn’t even come close), To the strength that you’ve shown (the strength that you’ve shown), Or the fight that it took to get you to this point,

Never look back, Never lose sight, Never lose hope, That’s not a noose, It’s a rope, To pull you out, To pull you out, To pull you out of this mess that you’re in.

The change was subtle, The change was slow, The change became so beautiful, Her smile back the darkness gone (her smile back the darkness gone), Heaven is real when hell is where you escaped from.

Things are going to get better, to be better.

I still believe the power in our dreams.

Never look back, Never lose hope, I will never look back, I will never lose… never lose hope.

I believe things can change, I believe that brighter days… are coming.

The song that gave me hope and inspiration to ask for help in the beginning is Otherside by Macklemore. He's a Seattle hip-hop artist (I live 30min away from Seattle) and I've been going to his shows even before I was using. He has been battling addiction with oxy, weed and booze for a while but got 3 years clean. Then he relapsed and wrote a song about that too called Starting Over. Both VERY powerful songs!

Macklemore changed my life. I was at Sasquatch '11. High of my ass. I don't know what it was but when he did other side it really got me. That and starting over. I can't really explain how powerful that moment of clarity was. I didn't go there to see him, it was purely chance that I caught him. I went to the show to camp its a 4 day thing. Ended up with a free pass on day 2. Maybe its cause I grew up in Seattle I don't know but that day on that stage was the first I had ever heard of macklemore.

I used to live in Everett. Out in moses which is why I went to Sasquatch 11 almost completely broke. I was the dude driving the white ford ranger that the tire popped and completely came off. Ended up selling my truck there on the spot for $200. Maybe you saw it parked by the store or something day 2 or 3 can't remember. But yeah other side came on and I was like fuck me. In 25 just moved back in with my mom. That blue scholars song he did at that show really set the crowd off. Maybe you saw me I was reppin the big ass pirate flag. Well at macklemore anyway. The girl I met there Rowdy she called herself was crazy fun. She kept locking people in the porta shitters. Sorry if we got you. The escape word was watermelon if you ever get locked in at show. Fucking weird 4 am and we both end up here.

Whats this situation that I put myself in?
I never, never thought that it would end up this way.
This world has forseen the coming of a darkened day.
It's just another injection,
its just another infection.
It's just a matter of time,
till I'm a statistic, it seems so simplistic.
But we make it so complicated.
We act so devastated when
life is taken from a wrong disease.
You act so surprised.
Like you didnt know it was there.
And now you open up your eyes in despair.
And you ask, "How can this happen to me?"
This wasn't supposed to be.
How can I cope with all this misery?
In my Dark N Daze, yeah

Now I face ...
Deterioration is slowly eating me up inside.
can't you imagine what's going on through my mind?
I think about suicide.
I really wonder if this life's worth living for.
Hope in this lifetime, will they ever find a cure?
I've lost all my friends,
and I have no family.
Cause evertime I call they claim they disown me.
Oooh, what am I to do?
I just can't take anymore.
Cause everywhere I turn there's just another fucking door.
It's cause I follow my reckless ways.
I'm living my Dark N Daze.
I finally found an answer for the cure.
Theres nothing in this life of mine worth living for.
Theres nothing, nothing worth living for.
Except for, Dark N daze, yeahhh

The AP tour! I fucking love every single one of those bands. The new The Amity Affliction CD has to be one of the best releases with The Ghost Inside's new album and No Bragging Rights new album. NBR have been so underground for so long that they deserve a big break. Get their new record "Cycles" and let your mind be blown. I preordered it with a shirt that has a quote from the title track. "This must end with me." Fucking powerful stuff.

I will be going on at least 2 golf trips this winter. Depends on my finances, but your woods of the neck is on my list. Keep going to the range and you may be able to keep up. I'm surgical with my Vokey 60.04 on dry courses. Lol i still suck at putting. Golf = humbling.

I haven't played in a while but I'll have to grab some new clubs. Might just borrow my grand parents. They play 4 times a week. I'm nothing amazing at golf but I do alright. Lacrosse is my sport buy once the injuries started rolling in I used a lot more in hopes of my scholarship but that was destroyed when I shattered my leg first tournament before my senior season started. Lol.

I just started playing again this year. I was a 16 handicap back in 05, and I'm almost back there. For obvious reasons i didn't play much last 4 years especially. And if i did i was on the nod. This year ive played with quite a few fellowship family. Its awesome to golf with people trying to live by spiritual principals. If they miss a putt and cuss at themselves you can say, surrender that shit Dave. Duff a shot? Did you get high today Dave? NO? Than that swing was worth it.

Its really fun. Golf is such a great reminderof control issues. Lie, grass type, ball, course condition, feet above the ball, slooe of the green, leangth of the shot, grip of the club, position of the ball at impact.

You try to control all of those things, you're one miserable golfer. Let go step up and make the best swing you can, you may not score but its a lot more serene. ;) get some sleep over there mate!

Got some good sleep and the house smells of food being cooked away for my birthday dinner. Turned 24 on Thursday. Went to a meeting on my birthday and shared about how I feel weird cuz it's usually a day where I just buy more drugs than usual. Lol.

We have some awesome fellowships out here. There's a huge group of young people here that I hang with all the time.

Circa Survive everyway is also a good go to. His voice a s relation to what he writes soothes me. Juat knowing my idol went through the same shit as I did ans is doing well with a beautiful family gives me hope.