We're always running around at such a crazy frenetic pace, but every once in a while it feels so damn good to just sit back, soak it all in and enjoy.

Perez realizes how damn lucky he is. Extremely. And he doesn't take it for granted!

Thursday night, we had the opportunity to go to a super exclusive listening party for Dolly Parton's new album. There were only about twelve or so people there, and the country music legend was one of them - making a surprise appearance.

Our shit nearly turned the color of our hair and we practically pooped in our shorts when we walked into the room and Dolly herself greeted Perezzers with a big 'ol hug. And she is sooooooo tiny (except in the boobage). We were afraid we were gonna break her!

Miz Parton is a legend, and she's everything you could hope for. Talented and kind. Sweet and saucy. Pretty damn near perfect, like Mary Freakin' Poppins.

The international gay icon was done up to the nines - big nails, big hair, lots of color and bling and sparkly stuff. She was diggin' Perezito's sunglasses and playfully tried them on herself.

Dolly floated around the room, giving some one-on-one attention to the lucky few invited to the listening party. Amongst those in attendance were the genius David LaChapelle and the equally genius Danilo, who does the hair for Gwen Stefani and Dita Von Teese.

Miz Parton's new album doesn't even come out until February 2008, so it was such a special treat to get a big preview of the record.

The disc is Dolly's first foray into mainstream country in a while - she had been making a few (critically acclaimed) bluegrass records lately. And the results on the new album are amazing!

You have your ballads. Your gospel. Your uptempo. There's a little bit of everything for everyone.

The two standout tracks were Backwoods Barbie, a song that Dolly's writing for the new 9 to 5 Broadway musical, and You Drive Me Crazy, a cover of the Fine Young Cannibals song.

On our way out, Dolly even gave us a super rare special surprise by playing us a wicked new song she wrote called Just A Wee Bit Gay. Yes!!!

Dolly loves her gay fans, and after she releases her new country record she's gonna put out a dance album!!!!!

This woman is a legend. She's been in the business since before we were born. And she's just as good as ever. No bullshit.

265 comments to “Halos And Horns”

Perez…you allways make fun of celebs who dress weired…but i just dont get it though…cause you cant dress yourself…
you need to go to church and stop being guy…
God did not create us to be guy…you really like being f.. in your ass?
nasty fat man!!!

Dolly is so amazing.. i met her my senior year in High school, and i have been so impressed with not only how talented she is, but also the amazing work she does for her community. Dolly is not only an impressive celebrity, but a truely good person as well.

OK…IT IT JUST ME…..
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Does Dolly look like she is wearing one of those padded girdles? Look at picture #2, she has some weird shit going on at her hip.
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And pic #1, her ass is like, POW, and no grannie has an ass like that. Luv the Dollinator, but I think she is wearing a butt-padded girdle.
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Next- Perez, you are probably quite handsome if you go with a better look. This "look-at-me" look is just looks redic. I truly believe you would be handsome if you shaved, got back to your normal color and picked some clothes from a nice hollywood boutique. You don't even need to lose weight….but do fix the teeth.

Damn you lucky bitch. I have loved Dolly since I was little and I had all her records and dolls…. It was the first concert I went to when I was 6. She is a legend and an angel. I lOOOOOVE HER! XOXO Dolly!

Yea Dolly looks hot i can't belive how good she looks. umm on the other hand uh the green hair blows I usualy love the bright colored hair but hair should never be green not a good look go back to pink that was hot

Yeah, Dolly looks good. but the really interesting thing about this picture are the little tanks and military aircraft on Perez's hoodie, and how they coordinate with his his cammo pants and hair. Seriously, where do you shop? You should have your own fashion line. If Von Dutch could make a mint with those f#cking trucker hats… OMG, you could be the next Versace! I have seen his crib in South Beach. I could picture you sitting out on one of those balconies, sipping a fruityh drink and waiving at the tourists. Dream BIG Perez!

I LOVE DOLLY PARTON!! I've been listening to country since i was like five years old and i LOVE her! Now i'm one step closer to her-she's the greatest. but Perezzers, mi amore, please, shave the porn mustache-PLEASE xoxo

Anyway, have you thought about celebrity fit club? wouldnt it be great if you did a ross-the-intern kind of transformation. then there'd be no more need for cute self depricating humor cuz you'd be hot. just a thought i had looking at this photo.

Dolly, you look HOT. I love you. I've loved you since 9 to 5. When I broke up with my boyfriend someone gave me your song about little soilders or something. I can't remember the name, but I listened to it all the time. It got me through. You look beautiful. I remember you said one time that if you have a dime, your mama gets a nickel, and if she wants the whole dime, she can have it. That is a good heart!

Perez. I just woke up from a dream with you. We were at a celebrity packed resort. In the dream, you were straight and married. Perez is a character you created and we were making out. You were cheating on your wife with me.

Strange we to start the day….Personallly, I was into the character. Love you!

How old is Dolly Anyway?? She looks amazing. I hear and interview with her awhile ago and she is truly an inspiration from how she grew up in pverty and through guts & determination, became rich & famous. Girl can sing, write and act!

Perez - your styles have always been very - out there - but AWESOME -however I feel obligated to give you a heads up: A few months ago I made the mistake of wanting to have, and growing, a mustache. I thought it looked awesome and nobody really said much about it, until I shaved it - and immediatly everybody commented about "how much better I looked".

DOLLY -well P, looks like allot of haters are not happy with your style/weight/P-NASSTINESS. I know Ms. Dolly must have told you her story of food, or maybe you've read. Eat whatever you want but only (-not to quote-) three bites. Sounds hard but after awhile it will get easier.
I Love to eat the rainbow type of diet- a bit of all the COLOUR-in portions. e.g. don't eat it all. Please don't sell ur self to some "diet" business I'd hate to see all "that is paid for" lost to some more cash just to lose weight. LOVE UR SELF U-R PERFECTLY MR. P - AS IS….. love to see the transformation though…hummmmmmm…..think rainbow when u eat P…wanna c u transform from P-Nasty to P-Something u would love to B…

This is so fucking strange. I decided that I hated this website so I was going to finally write my great american novel on it…and allow whoever you are to eat the production costs, advertising expenses, etc, etc, and then I came on to do it and wouldn't you know it ifind the first post (Amy Winehouse) you have ever written that displays that your parasitical misguided persona that you have desperately created in order to get onto the Hollywood Squares actually is capable of feeling for another human being.

It's no mistake that you have chosen green for your new hair color.

Anyways, parasite to parasite. But then I scroll down and see that you have written about perhaps the least interesting celebrity alive, who is also the fakest and least productive. And I don't mean David Lachapelle, or Danilo.

And then you write about someone who used to be one of my best friends, and somehow they are all at the same party. Strange.

David Lachapelle is one of the most miserable cunts alive. I have always wanted to say that in a public forum…thanks for providing me with the chance.

Anyone who has ever met him will immediately register that in their minds based on common sense, but depending on where they are in the food chain of intelligence (whether or not they are foolish enough to foster any delusions that he may or may not one day do something for them) they will either choose to ignore that glaring fact, or to just play along and allow him to emotionally rape them, or exploit them for whatever reason.

It's so funny that he decided to base all of his new work on the idea of the deluge. What he doesn't realize, in his pea brained efforts to become the next
Andy Warhol (if you watched Factory Girl, if you are that much of a late comer to the myth that never was Andy Warhol you will see that in order for there to be a next Andy Warhol there needed to be a FIRST Andy Warhol, but if you really understand Andy Warhol you will see that he never really was there in the first place, and he contributed about .6 of nothing to the world, if you count gossip, and mean spirited destructive artistic impulses, which obviously you do).

Anyways, David makes these HUGE EXPENSIVE photos of the deluge (Flood), because he thinks he is like tapping into the Zeitgeist, and he's trying to like make some sort of intellectual gesture to show people that he can do more than photograph celebrities (which he won't be able to do….WATCH AND SEE) but what he fails to understand, because he never actually READ the bible, just talked about it (He bases alot of his thinking and work on his limited understanding of the bible….goes back to when he was involved with UNITY).

Anyway, in the bible, after NOAH"S ARK, tells Noah with the rainbow that he will never flood the globe again. And so, I just think it's funny that David's projection of what will happen in the Armegeddon will be a flood, and he's basing all of this reductive reactionary artistic output on this. HUGE GICLEE PRINTS THAT ARE COSTING HIM THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS. If you knew how moneygrubbing he actually is, you would see the humor in this.

Anyways, the first time David photographed Dolly they really hit it off. "She was so sweet", I can almost remember it so clearly he and Kristin (His wraithlike art director) saying that one Christmas Eve in the Chateau lobby we had loudly staked out and sqatted in for days….ensuing hours and hours of bad runway performance, and the accompanying stupidity (much to the derision and annoyance of that other troll Kevin Sessums who had the habit of always eating all of his meals in the front table of the restaurant just to keep an eye on us). But then a few years passed and they photographed her again, and the next time she was a btich and wasn't nice to them at all, or so David said at the time. And so he dropped her from his favorite celebrity list, like he had previously done with Cher. But then all you need are boobs, teeth, and hair to make it in this land of milk and unfunny.

David became a photographer because he always wanted to be famous, but just like you didn't have the courage to actually put himself out there in that vulnerable way, and decided to settle for support. But he has this terrible habit of turning on his celeb crushes after he has them (shoots them). It's sort of like a compulsion. It's like whenever he sees a cute guy he will ignore everything else going on until he fucks them, and then in the next minute forgets he ever met them. But, he can't help it, it's sort of sad. He's a card carrying bipolar. He even said so on his myspace blog. A friend told me about the posting. David is quite a subject. The only reason he isn't an icon is because he isn't very interesting looking. I also think this is the main reason for his bitterness and unhappiness. It's sort of like Sharon Osborne. I mean, why why why does this woman hate Madonna so much. It's because Sharon looks in the mirror day after day, and sees a kitchen witch. Those feelings of shame and resentment bubble up so painfully day after day, and have no where to go but out, because no matter what, no matter how much money she spends, no matter what she says or does or wherever she goes, nothing will ever be able to erase the corrosive fact that it is SHE HERSELF who made her look that way.

Which brings me to Grendel, my favorite troll (did you ever read Beowulf, or the cliff notes…….did you ever pay attention to anything more than your A-HA
trapper keeper cover?). Grendel, the first official troll in human history.

You are my new Grendel, perez. Let me introduce myself. I am a genius. I am famous. But I am not a celebrity. I have played this game slowly and surely for the past twenty years and is has all slowly and surely paid off. I'm rich now and a little bored. Bored by movies, bored by fame and DEFINITELY bored with fucking hollywood. Oh fuck I have to go there again in three days. But at least I never go there for business. Fuck, if I did that, I would really be depressed. And then again I would probably look like Courtney Love, David's new best friend, which I don't, thank God. lol. THOSE TWO deserve each other. Nothing makes me laugh quite as much in the getting their just desserts department as knowing that somewhere out there this pathetic bond between these two pathetic creatures exsists.

For some reason I have always come to this site. I guess I just innocently and compulsively follow trends, just like everyone else, and one of those trends led me here. But whenever I do come here I get this feeling afterwards that my brain needs to be flossed. Or replaced. But, like the tired, trite, but ultimately inevitable "Train Wreck" metaphor, I can't look away.

Back to explaining to you who Grendel is: or better yet, my explanation of what a troll is: A troll is one of those things that lives under a bridge and blocks our hero's progress. He is usually the last frustrating straw that appears right before the goal, or intended destination is just about to be reached. And he's usually a moron, or of lower spiritual, or intellectual origins.

I'm not trying to be mean. I actually don't think that's possible, because, obviously like most of those who post here, and like most damaged children, you have that teflon skin thing going on where you think you are making yourself the butt of your own joke and therefore deflecting all valid criticism, like a shield of cowardice behind which you make cruel observations of others. So what would be the point. I just don't have the time or energy to invest in finding a web host for my own blog, and have alot of writing to do, so why not do it here??????

I grew up reading Faulkner, so I guess my style will be off the cuff, sort of like winging it out in a fragmental way.

Like I can't understand the millions and millions of people out there who do actually seem to exsist, judging by the posts on this site, who actually seem to want nothing other than A PHOTO OF THEM STANDING BY A CELEBRITY, ANY CELEBRITY, WHO THEY DON"T ACTUALLY KNOW OR WILL EVER SEE AGAIN.

And for that end they will ignore their own lives, which they count off as boring, secrectly to themselves, their jobs, which they don't do very well since their minds are always secretly yearning to become famous themselves, or to at least fuck someone famous. And why?

I mean,what the fuck are you going to do with a photo of yourself and a famous person? Put it in your wallet, and when you finally realize that you don't have anything to say, are going nowhere because you never really tried to, really ARE mediocre and stupid, mundane, and meaningless (why because you MADE YOURSELF THAT WAY but digesting nothing but stupidity on television which you have on for hours and hours and hours while you sit in your little suburban reality and do nothing for hours and hours), and when you finally realize that there is nothing actually going on at Hiro, and Erich Conrad isn't there because he's at home screening calls and coming off his whatever he is coming off of for the thousanth time and pretending to be in Prauge again, you can take the said photo out of your wallet and show it to the male escort by night/bumble and bumble shampoo boy by day you are trying to impress for what reason I couldn't tell you you can pull out the said photo and say "I stood next to Lance Bass once".

I mean WHAT THE FUCK?

I have these mean intense fantasies of moving to Iceland and living on a fjord. You can't move to London anymore. I mean, 50 Cent is moving there. There really is no where to go.

I don't know what is more depressing…..George W. or the fucking liberals out there that think all they need to do is buy a cloth bag to be vital, instead of plastic, like that is going to do any FUCKING GOOD. Don't they realize that all the fucking CLOTH BAGS are going to end up in the landfill too, and that landfills are everywhere and they are fucking HUGE. But I digress…..

BOTH POLES SUCK.

And earth to Perez….you don't look fierce in the photo above. You look horrible. And you know you look horrible. If you went to the gym or did some exercise you wouldn't look half bad. But you must have that disorder where you make yourself look as bad as possible because deep down you really yearn for intimacy with another human being but deeper down also know that you lack the initiative to develop of grow a single quality to share with that other person, so to get back at the world you turn yourself into something that looks worse than the grinch and become GRENDEL……the world's first documented troll. Perez, really. I mean, you can dye your hair whatever color, and wear whatever ugly clothes or color combinations you can find, but you're not even half way interesting in your presentatoin. You're trying to be leigh bowery or something, but look more lke Michael Alig, Leigh's low rent wannabe. And who in thier right mind would want to be Leigh Bowery"? If you were around at that time, or went to a few of his birthday parties, and observed him close at hand, you would never want to.

But then again, who in their right mind would want to be Hedda Hopper, or those other two….;I can't even remember their names. Walter Winchell and there was that other woman who wanted to be an actress but realized she lacked the talent and sparkle and decided to become a boil on the face of humanity, and hung out with Hedda Hopper….they both wore hats and probably had info on each other so forged some sort of bond out of mutual black mail, and then biled in their own juices and promply died. And then were promptly forgotten by humanity, because they knew themselves that they never took the time to develop anything to contribute, and no stink is smellier than that.

Maybe you should take some time off and go to Art School. David Lachapelle never went to art school, and look what happened to him. Taschen spent millions and millions of dollars to put out that huge pink monstrosity of a coffee table book, with page after page after page of the ugliest portrait of American Pop culture possible. I mean, it's gross. It's sort of like if someone decided that to become an artist they really want to get hundreds of people to masterbate and cum, and bleed, and blow snot and take shits in a pile for years and years. I couldn't even look at that book. It was so fucking ugly. Sort of like Amanda Lepore. And why is she ugly? Just like Michael Jackson and Dolly Parton……because SHE MADE HERSELF THAT WAY. At least Amanda has no money, and is really sad in the end.

Today's question: what is the difference between sad and pathetic? Do you know? Think about that one for the rest of your life. Something to ponder….

Godamn Dolly looks fab. How does it feel to be a 20-something guy standing next to a 60 year old woman and looking ten times worse than her??? Why are you purposely trying to look so bad Perez?? Is this your new schtick…rather than trying to be the best you can be you are going to make yourself look hideous and make a name for yourself in that way?? I know lots of gays and most of them would not go near that look. You deserve lots more dick than you're getting and the only way to get it is to take care of yourself and be the best you can be. You and I both know you could be very hot if you'd only let yourself. Quit making yourself the joke and be the hotness you were meant to be.

I wrote "no wonder he wants to change paths" referring to David Lachapelle, because after he did all of this books he looked at them, and had one of his hundreth nervous brakedowns, which he is always having (once he thought he and his whole crew were going to Cuba, where he was going to start an art colony and begin the new milleneum0…., and realized that he wanted to now do "gallery art". I know he must have fucking freaked out when he saw how really ugly it all looked. But then again I guess there ARE people out there who have sex fantasies about Marylin Manson, or Brian whatever the fuck that ugly creep is named , so I am sure they are hundreds of people who love David's work. But, hundreds only alas, since worldwide, if you really look at things in the scheme of things, David is only about one thousandth as famous as he thinks he is. I never really wanted or sought after my fame, it really did just come. And David was one of the ones who made me famous….but at the end, he was the one who called ME first….as it is with all of those who have turned out to be my stepping stones.

David has sucked the rust off of eight billion trailer hitches, and sold twelve thousands of his own grandmas, not to mention fucked a billion camels, and ate his own shit eight billion times (but only after he molded it into the shape of a turkey and ate it on thanksgiving), for HIS fame. And nobody knows it better than HIM, which is why there is no medication strong enough to cure the kind of crazy he's got. Last I heard he bought this nudist colony in Hawaii, where I"m sure he has his bipolar deviant crazy plans to lead the humans into the new millenium like some hairy potatoe shaped adonis. ha!

Who is worse? David Lachapelle or Stephen Meisel? The funny thing about it is that they are both equally gross in different ways, AND THEY RHYME!!!!!!!

Why would someone actually WANT to be a celeb photographer? I mean, being famous for taking pictures of famous people? Read that a few times and meditate on how dumb it is. It's sort of like wanting recognition because you really made a great looking cover for the electrical outlet on the wall on the back of the stage in the operahouse behind the curtain.

sORRY PEREZ TO WRITE SOMETIHNG ACTUALLY INTERESTING AND ACTUALLY FIRST HAND ABOUT A CELEBRITY ON THIS SITE…..

BUT SOMEBODY HAD TO DO IT, SINCE YOU'VE HAD ALL THIS TIME ON THE TOILET AND HAVEN'T REALLY PLOTZED YET.

Wow. Poor self-absorbed Blogwithinablog. Thinks he has all the answers. You're clearly a very unhappy person. With somewhat creepy obsessions with various people. I wasn't being too judgemental till I got to the part about Leigh Bowery. Then I realised you have no insight into people, their lives, and their motivations. Leigh was not only a talented, original man, he was also capable of great kindness, of which I was a recipent. The kind of kindness that seperates him from the kind of person your egomaniacle ramblings mark you out to be. Why don't you have a cup of tea and a chat with someone you've known for a long time. About the weather, the neighbour's dog, whatever. Get out of the headspace your in and start living a life.

if dolly loves her gays so much, why doesn't she ever come and play san francisco or even the bay area proper? all we've gotten is an appearance at a free fest in the park 2 yeras ago, which was fabulous, but we want more dolly!!!

We at the most superficial site on the internet invite you to take your pretentious fuckery elsewhere. We're not here jerk it to the genius of Andy Warhol. We're here to laugh at Britney's increasingly painful facial expressions.

I LOVE DOLLY PARTON. LOVE HER. SHE IS JUST A LIGHTNING BOLT OF POSITIVITY. WHEN MY SISTER AND I WERE KIDS WE HAD THE PAPERBACK W/PICS BOOK ABOUT HER LIFE. I HOPE I GET TO MEET HER ONE DAY. BY THE WAY PEREZ YOU MUST BE MUCH SMALLER THAN YOU LET ON, SHE IS JUST A LIL' BIT OF A THING AND YOU DON'T LOOK TOO MUCH BIGGER??? CELEBS, ALWAYS SMALLER THAN YOU THINK.