New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg has never been accused of taking a heavy-handed approach to governing. Want to smoke? Go ahead! Want to have a little salt with your deep-fried meat product? All you, baby! Want to camp out for a few weeks in a park to protest? Who's going to stop you? Only his army.

"I have my own army in the NYPD, which is the seventh biggest army in the world. I have my own State Department, much to Foggy Bottom's annoyance. We have the United Nations in New York, and so we have an entree into the diplomatic world that Washington does not have," Mayor Bloomberg said.

That was Bloomberg at MIT last night, where his only lovable quality—his similarity to a comic-book supervillain—was on full display as he talked about the possibility of running for president. (Which, for the record, he didn't rule out, and even seemed to hint at, citing his magical "executive experience" superpower, which he stole from a witch deep in the black forest.) Mostly, he just sounded like this:

"President? I, Bloomberg... president? I think not, Mr. Bond. You see, I already have an army. And, indeed, a state department. President? Ha. I am already more powerful than a president. And when I have fully banned salt products from this city, I will be akin to a god. You are very amusing, James. May I call you James? It will be so sad to see you go." [throws enormous switch to start laser]