Idiot toffs inadvertently end gun culture

17-04-12

URBAN gun culture is officially over after some red trouser-type dickhead waved a fake pistol around.

There is, finally, a point to her

Police stations across the UK have been inundated by youth gang members surrendering their weapons since a wealthy, foppish friend of buttock host organism Pippa Middleton did for guns what Vanilla Ice did for hip hop.

“We’re driving the ‘guns are for toffs’ message home with posters showing a fop wearing deck shoes and a jumper tied around his neck with the slogan ‘This piece carries a piece’.”

Gang member Tom Logan said: “I’ve had to stop carrying a gun in case people think I went to one of those schools in a castle where everyone wanks onto a biscuit.

“I’ll probably just get a normal job now. I’m kind of grateful to those bell ends, they’ve broken the cycle of violence through the power of twattery.”

Media analyst Emma Bradford said: “This incident confirms the Middleton sisters as the Kardashians for people who buy things in Jack Wills.”

But while urban gun crime appears to be finished, toff-on-toff violence has escalated.

Chelsea resident Julian Cook said: “Right now there’s a lot of beef – or as we call it ‘filet mignon’ – between Chelsea and South Ken. It started over an unpaid champagne bill in the Zanzibar Lounge on King’s Road.