Anger : what it says about me, and how two questions make all the difference | The Speckled Goat: Anger : what it says about me, and how two questions make all the difference

9.19.2016

Anger : what it says about me, and how two questions make all the difference

I found myself breathless as I hung up the phone.

I could hardly believe the words that still echoed in my ears.I was angry. Very, very angry.

A simple mistake on my part led to a tongue-lashing that set my heart pounding fast and plummeted me into self-doubt. I choked out some excuse to the office assistant and headed to my husbands office and privacy so I could cry.

And cry I did.

And then, because my husband happened upon his very upset wife when he came back to get a start on his paperwork, I cried and also vented my anger to him in short, loud, furious bursts.

"How dare she say that to me?"

"I just can't do this anymore!"

"How could someone be so inconsiderate?!"

"I'm only human! What do they expect of me!?"

It hurt, and it stuck on me, dragging me down. For weeks. I nursed my grievance.

I had some choice words for this woman. I thought up things to say when I would see her in person, which I knew I would, as she was on her way to be a guest at the Bible Camp.

My mind filled with biting retorts. Sarcastic comments. Heartfelt statements expressing my feelings. Words as mean as hers had been to me. They ran through my brain, over and over, keeping me up at night. I was mad, and this was going to take a while to overcome.

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“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire." - Matthew 5:21-22

Whether we're angry with our spouse, our sibling, co-workers, clients, the guy who cut us off in traffic... anger, conflict, is a part of life.

And honestly, it's a part of life that I'm not great at.

I seem to believe that if I work hard enough, if I'm prepared enough, if I just put in the effort and the time, I can make everyone happy and avoid conflict all together.

So I work hard, I plan and prepare... and then, when my labor is in vain and someone is upset with me? I take it so, so personally.

In fact, a few weeks later, when I stood face-to-face with the woman who had berated me, I felt a power that couldn't possibly come from me.

The power to forgive.

The power to genuinely smile, offer kindness, ask how I could serve her further.

Because I'm one in whom Christ dwells, and I live securely in the Kingdom of God.

Her opinions of me don't matter.

My faithfulness and obedience matters. And I'm following in the footsteps of One who came and died for undeserving people (people like me, people like you, people like her).

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3 comments
:

This is so rich and authentic..so many of us struggle with anger ..your honesty helps us to admit its not easy Christian or nit..but what beautiful words of how remembering your true identity diffused the anger. How wonderful! Great writing..

We all struggle with anger-even when we think we're done with it. Larry Crabb defined anger as unreached goals - yep! My goal to have everyone agree with me and love me the way I like is often thwarted - so I need to make goals into desires instead and leave them at His feet. Great post, MIss Ally.

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