Tuesday, June 24, 2008

I was looking for a good quote on loss and grieving for a friend of mine, when I came across a collection of old journals. Knowing that I often write inspirational quotes and thoughts in the front few pages of my journals, I flipped through a few. Fascinatingly enough, I found something that I have no recollection of writing, but that I very clearly noted was written by me, for me... whenever I might find it in the future.

"Just because no one has been fortunate enough to realize what a gold mine you are, doesn't mean you shine any less. Just because no one has been smart enough to figure out that you can't be topped, doesn’t stop you from being the best. Just because no one has made the race worth while does not give you permission to stop! Just because no one has realized what a woman you are doesn’t mean they can affect your femininity. Just because no one has shown up to love you on your own level doesn’t mean you have to sink to theirs. Just because the Universe is still preparing your King, doesn’t mean you aren’t already a Queen!

Friday, June 20, 2008

I'm IN!! Finally, I'm in. School that is. As of August 11th, 2008, I will be part of the "First Years" in Moorpark College's Exotic Animal Training & Management program. A full time animal care program which will own the majority of time in my life until my graduation in May/June of 2010.

Blogging doesn't seem adequate to express how incredibly excited I am. So join with me in doing the happy dance

Thursday, June 12, 2008

The weather warms up and I catch a cold. Ah Spring, how I love the smell of your irony.

But seriously folks, we're going on day 5 of my not having a voice, and it's just not fun anymore. The first day, when you get that gravelly low sound (which my sound engineer friend calls my "Demi Moore" voice) it can be a bit sexy and fun. But once that short lived stage passes and you are sentenced to silence (or in my case a nagging, hacking cough) the sexiness has passed and it's just a crapshoot of lousy-ness.

One can only drink so much juice and herbal tea. The extreme tenacity of the coughing fits leads the convulsing bladder to want to leak a little bit, and that uncomfortable feeling is not helped by being overly-hydrated. But not taking in a constant flow of fluids leaves the throat dry and scratchy and adds to the hacking... so there's really an element of Catch-22 here.

Add that to the fact that my dear friend Dreamschool just had to put down her beloved companion of 14 years (Farewell Ione, till we see you at the Rainbow Bridge) and it has just not been a stellar week here at the house of Teece. (True, it's been an even worse one at the house of Dreamschool)

I've had so many thoughts for blogs lately, so many of them have to do with letting go. Saying the things that need to be said and released. You know the sort of thing... well, I don't know. Does this happen to anyone else but me? Example: I'm driving, and the road is full of traffic, or maybe it's wide open, but basically my mind, my conscious thought, has seemingly shut down and I am in the Zen of just operating the car when BAM, my face blushes and I find myself speaking out loud, "But see.. I didn't mean THAT." I come to and look around and realize that it's just me in the car, and no one else has relived that embarrassment from my past except me. But in that quiet moment, it was a real and vivid as the day it first occurred. I have a ton of those. Moments when the past sneaks up and I find myself flushed or furious, saddened or humiliated. I wish they'd quit haunting me, and I've been toying with the thought that perhaps typing them up and setting them free is the cure for such ghosts.

They say that coughing, and laryngitis are manifestations of when the body needs to express something, but for one reason or another, it has been silenced. It is a very intimate thing and I'm struggling with the idea of just putting my dirty laundry out there. Perhaps I am not as ready to release as I thought. Or perhaps, this is just a part of the process, and soon a series of posts will begin

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

OH May... please don't take it personally when I say that I am so very glad you have passed. You were a long month, full to the brim of monotony and pain. With an endless list of "to-dos", you packed each moment, leaving me emotionally spent, mentally drained, & physically exhausted.

To Sum Up:

The Foster Kittens grow increasingly adorable with each day. They also grow increasingly demanding and require constant cleaning up. 3 out of 4 are pre-adopted (thank heavens) and I believe the 4th will have a promised home after this week, so it's only a matter of time before they all leave our happy nest. I will likely get teary and will definitely miss their endless pitter-patter. However, the Senior Cats are counting the days until their mid-day nap can go uninterrupted.

The Seals & Sea Lions flipper their way deeper into my heart. Some graduate forward, to bigger pools and bottom feedings, eventually winning their release back to the ocean. Others sadly deteriorate in ways we can't stop, finally leaving this plane. Just last week, I was present at the demise of a small, soft harbor seal pup. His fur was plush and he seemed a child's toy, except for the fact that his body grew cold & unmoving under my touch. Until that moment, I wasn't sure how I would handle losing an animal. But in the moment, he was suffering so, I was relieved for him when that finally ended.

Still no word on school. The endless anticipation of that "alternate/wait list" call continues to drag on.

May 2008 marked the end of my 1001 days. The final update of my list of 101 things will be along shortly.

Lastly, Bonus Points to you, dear May... for the rousing bout of tendinitis. Several days this month, the searing pain has rendered my right arm nearly useless. Which makes typing a blog, teaching pole work, & restraining 100lb animals more than a little challenging.