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Committees to take up job of declaring people dead

Following an increase in the death rate among people forced into poverty, the government has announced plans to switch the job of declaring people dead from doctors to an independent team of assessors. This will give doctors more time to not sign people off long- term sick and should help to keep mortality figures down at an acceptable level.

‘Only those who are genuinely deceased are allowed time off work,’ said a spokesman from the Department of Health. ‘Anyone applying for a death certificate will be required to attend an appointment with one of our assessors, who will carry out a two-hour assessment to verify the ability to live. Appointments will need to be made four weeks in advance.’

There has been some criticism of the plan from many quarters, but the spokesman moved to reassure the doubters by announcing ‘monthly follow up meetings’.