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An excerpt …

(Little Miss Muffet …)

MUFFET: My, but what a glorious day! The birds are singing out my name! The bees are buzzing! The flowers are ... flowering. The dainty little insects are doing ... uh ... whatever dainty little insects do. (sighs and smiles) What a simply wonderful day to simply be me.

SPYDER:(standing from where he’s been hiding behind Muffet’s tuffet) Oh good grief!

MUFFET:(jumping up in horror) Oh! Who are you? Whatever are you doing here?

SPYDER: Getting sick. That was the most nauseating speech I’ve ever heard.

(Apparently the spider didn’t read the nursery rhyme.)

SPYDER: Frighten you away. Why should I?

MUFFET: Look, you are ruining this entire scene.

SPYDER: I’m not the one makin’ the audience sick with the Shirley Temple routine.

MUFFET: Frighten me away.

SPYDER:(thinks a moment, then) No.

MUFFET: I said, “Frighten Me Away!”

SPYDER: No! That’s crude. It’s ... I don’t know ... Violent. Sexist.

MUFFET: I told you, it’s a classic!

(Speech! Speech!)

SPYDER: Because you care, that’s why. (taking her in his many arms) Because it’s important to you. Oh, not for your own selfish reasons but for the sake of posterity ... those thousands of future generations of children who will be forced to five their entire wretched fives, deprived of this classic of world literature ... who will be condemned to walk back and forth upon this weary earth without the benefit of knowing that little girls sit on tuffets, eat disgusting food, and are scared to death by insects of one-hundredth their size. Why? Because you care, that’s why!