My personal Jesus David Bowie co-writes a play

Glam music wizard David Bowie has come out of hiding to announce plans to bless the earth with his genius once again. Bowie is co-writing a play entitled “Lazarus,” based on the 1963 novel and the 1976 movie, “The Man Who Fell to Earth,” which he starred in.

The only information currently known about the show is that it will focus not on the story of “The Man Who Fell to Earth,” but rather the main character, Thomas Jerome Newton, and it may or may not be a musical. This new off-Broadway production however, will not feature Bowie or his infamous spandex-clad crotch as a performer. As a sort of consolation, the play will supposedly include new David Bowie songs and remixed versions of his old songs. This makes me a very happy nerd.

David Bowie is penning a new play, his first work since his 2013 album, “The Next Day.” PHOTO VIA WIKIPEDIA

This news comes two years after Bowie broke an 11-year hiatus with the release of his 2013 album “The Next Day.” For the past two years, Bowie has done no promotional performances or interviews, and has only communicated his thoughts through those close to him (he’s too legendary to simply talk to common people). Over the past two years, he has also released a number of new songs without commenting on his current endeavors or future plans, further backing up my claims that he’s not actually real.

It seems a bit odd that David Bowie is trying his hand at writing a play, considering he’s had very little experience in theater. His only significant experience acting in a live show comes from his role in the “The Elephant Man” from 1980 to 1981. Though he isn’t a theatre expert, his past live shows have included theatrical elements including pantomime, aspects of kabuki theatre and even distinct storylines.

Even though his history with Broadway isn’t long, it’s only natural that Bowie would want to author a play. I mean, he’s been everything else anyone could dream of being. He’s already taken the guise of alien rock-star, a cocaine addict and very sad clown, so obviously the most logical thing for him to be next is a playwright.

This out-of-the-blue enterprise is going to be even better than that time he sang his least favorite Christmas song with Bing Crosby, or when he was on “SpongeBob SquarePants” or showed up in a cameo in “Zoolander.”

Honestly, I’m just writing this story because it was a chance to write about David Bowie, and it’s rare that he actually does stuff these days. If this news came out in any decade other than the current one, it would go down as just another one of Bowie’s artsy projects. But now, as a reclusive rock performer with a storied career, anything he does is noted with an air of significance. He could probably spit in a cup and sell it as holy water on the Internet to some crazed superfan (like me).

The fact of the matter is that most people probably won’t even see this play or even understand it if they do. What’s important is that David Bowie is reminding all of us that he’s alive and capable of doing more than just bathing in diamonds with his supermodel wife, or crafting artisanal lightning bolts in his glitter-castle or playing quidditch with the ghost of Andy Warhol. He’s a genius who can do normal things like writing a play, too.