As this year’s election drew to a close, the nation held its breath to see whether California would legalize marijuana. (After holding its breath, the nation blew it out loudly and then giggled hysterically.)

Marijuana is currently illegal in California, which is why no one there can find any pot to buy anywhere unless they, well, look. Medical marijuana, however, can be purchased as long as you have a valid medical condition, such as a headache, a backache or a desire to smoke pot. To buy medical marijuana, you have to ask your doctor for a prescription, whereas to buy non-medical marijuana you have to ask a few strangers on the street. Medical marijuana is very potent and expensive and hard to come by, while illegal marijuana is very potent and cheap and available.

Medical marijuana has proven to be very effective at eliminating such afflictions as ambition and sexual potency. For a time, medical-marijuana clinics were astoundingly prevalent in Venice, Calif., with storefront pot shops popping up every few yards. This alarmed the Los Angeles City council, which felt the clinics attracted a bad crowd and were ruining the neighborhood. It passed an ordinance that effectively closed 400 of the clinics, returning Venice Beach to its former glory as an endless strip of tattoo parlors and head shops.

All that commerce, ruining the neighborhood by attracting people who were willing to spend a lot of money to buy pot legally, did not escape the notice of certain individuals, who decided to put a proposition on the election ballot to make marijuana legal and then tax it to raise revenues.

In case you’re unfamiliar with how California dysfunctions, here’s a brief lesson: The legislature is deadlocked between the Democrats, who want to protect and expand government services, and Republicans, who want to protect and expand tax cuts. The Republicans do the Democrats the favor of blocking tax increases so that the citizens are shielded from the true cost of their government, and the Democrats return the favor by protecting services the public is fond of but would have to be cut if taxes aren’t raised.

Meanwhile, the people of the state yank the laws violently to the right and left by crowding every ballot with referenda worded like this: (SET ITAL) Promote good by requiring all people be happy and put an end to all bad plus make special feathered hats to give to any walrus who wants one, but don’t raise taxes or cut programs or increase the deficit. (END ITAL)

California is $26.3 billion in the red, which according to financial experts is “a lot.” So legalizing marijuana and taxing it would potentially help reduce the deficit both by generating revenue and by reducing the number of kids who graduate from state colleges. Tourism might increase as well, because while it is true that a row of tattoo parlors and head shops is a great draw for travelers, the novelty of buying pot legally might also attract visitors.

Page 2 of 2 -
As the election revealed, Californians are not quite ready to make legal what they’ve been doing openly for so long. However, some analysts insist that the pre-election polling methods skewed the results, because the calls made by humans seemed to actually increase opposition, unlike calls made by robo-dialers. The human calls went like this:

Naysayers warned that legalizing marijuana will lead to serious consequences, such as more 30-year-olds living in their parents’ basements. Proponents countered that in much of California, there are no basements.

Exit polls showed that the main reason the ballot measure failed was that the people who supported the measure forgot to vote.

Dude, that vote thing was today? Harsh. Got any tortilla chips?

Write columnist Bruce Cameron at his website at www.wbrucecameron.com.