Sunday, September 18, 2016

Pheaturing Giulia Millanta

Hey there, welcome to the Phile, kids, for a Sunday. Today in "Headlines You Never Thought You'd See But Totally Make Sense While Being Both Hilarious and Sad," a woman is apparently suing her parents for posting embarrassing pictures of herself as a baby to Facebook. The 18-year-old woman from Austria (who is choosing to remain anonymous) claims that over the past 7 years, her parents posted over 500 pictures of her as a baby without permission. Despite her protests, they will not delete them, so now she's taking it to court. Their family get-togethers are probably super fun, right?Her father reportedly feels that he took the photos, therefore he should be able to post them. But, she told "The Local," "They knew no shame and no limit... and didn’t care whether it was a picture of me sitting on the toilet or lying naked in my cot... every stage was photographed and then made public." This is the first case of its type in Austria, but her lawyer, Michael Rami, thinks she has a good chance of winning when her case is tried in November. If he can prove that her parents posting the pictures on a social media site is a violation of her right to a personal life, they could lose. Based on the outcomes of similar cases in other countries, her parents might be forced to compensate her financially for "pain and suffering." They'd also have to cover her legal costs. And their reign of photo terror would come to an abrupt end. This is important news for anyone whose parents refuse to stop posting that one picture of them running naked through a sprinkler in the backyard at the age of 3 with a blue crayon shoved up their nose. Hypothetically.The folks at the real estate blog Estately handle home listings in every part of the country, so they've seen pretty much every town name America has to offer... and they collected all the really odd ones into one map and one really big list. Normally, Estately produces quirky maps based on big data... like "The Most Famous Kevin From Every State," "What Every State Googles More Than Any Other," or "What Professions Can Afford To Live In Every City"... but these are just "the weirdest" town names. It's hard to argue with their picks, though, unless you don't see anything odd with living in towns called Coupon, Worms, Ding Dong or Dickshooter. Here's Estately's Florida list of weird town names, along with a few listings, just in case you're life's dream is to have a hilarious address. Briny Breezes, Bunker Donation, Cabana Colony, Christmas, Cocoa, Cooks Hammock, Couch, Dundee, Early Bird, Feather Sound, Floridatown, Frostproof, Golf, Hill ‘n Dale, Howey-in-the-Hills, Leisure City, Lulu, Mayo, Needmore, Plant City, Sopchoppy, Spuds, Two Egg, Waldo, Watergate, Whisper Walk, Yeehaw Junction. I heard of six of those towns.A flock of conspiracy theorists knew Taylor Swift was trouble when she walked in, because she's a clone born from the DNA of a renowned satanist. Stay with me on this one. With her particular pout, some people believe Swift bares an uncanny resemblance to Zeena Schreck LaVey, the daughter of the founder of the Church of Satan. So, the First Daughter of satanists. A clip of LaVey on "Good Morning L.A." back in the day has gone viral (because of the Swift resemblance, not because of a renewed interest in Satanism). Twitter and Tumblr are on to this likeness, debating whether Swift is a clone, reincarnation, or relative of the satanic priestess. This is a picture of the two side by side...

Theorists are speculating that this cloning is part of a vast Illuminati plot. The theory has been around for a year, and the sheeple are just beginning to wake up. If Swift has made a deal with the devil, wouldn't that just be another man she's orchestrated a relationship with?In a case of creative but self-destructive problem solving, 70-year-old Kansas City resident Lawrence John Ripple robbed a bank and then waited until police came because he'd rather go to prison than continue to live with his wife. One way or another, he will probably achieve his goal. On the afternoon of Friday, September 2nd, Ripple handed the bank teller a note reading, "I have a gun, give me money." Ripple then sat on the floor until a security guard approached him, at which point he told the guard, "I'm the guy you're looking for." Police arrived soon after, because the bank Ripple had chosen to rob, the Bank of Labor, was on the same block as police headquarters. Later, he told bemused investigators that his most recent argument with his wife had convinced him he "no longer wanted to be in that situation." In fact, according to the FBI report (all bank robberies fall under FBI jurisdiction), "Ripple wrote out his demand note in front of his wife... and told her he’d rather be in jail than at home." It's unclear whether the argument that sparked this took place in the bank. While all bank robberies have to be prosecuted for obvious reasons, one hopes that this bizarre case ends without too much drama, considering no one was hurt. Worst case scenario, though, Ripple still gets his wish.A Russian man had the ultimate kitchen nightmare, worse than your botched soufflé: a DIY circumcision. The 38-year-old man, known only to the press as Roman A., wasn't inspired to spontaneously convert to Judaism but rather was suffering a painful penis condition. The amateur surgeon/mohel, who lives in the city of Noginsk, was suffering from phimosis, a condition where the foreskin is too tight to retract from the head of the penis. Roman said he was in excruciating pain and couldn't even stand to pee, and when he went to doctors, they refused to operate because of the risks.The brave soul had no choice but to do it himself, and ended up calling an ambulance. Phimosis is said to be common in toddlers and children, but not in older men. The bris is the last resort, but it carries risks like bleeding and infection. Hopefully Roman and his penis have recovered and he can now pee in peace.So, kids, gets what is around the corner? Halloween. It's coming up soon. Here's an Halloween costume I'm sick of seeing months in advance...

Harambe. He had a tough year. No need to make it worse. Don't get a gorilla suit. There's one thing that I love and that is inanimate objects that look like faces. Check it out...

Hahaha. There's one thing I noticed this year on CNN, and that is the graphic department is trolling Trump. Take a look to see what I mean... this is 100% real, kids.

It's back to school season, and this month I am showing you awkwards pics of kids on their first day back at school.

Is this a throwback photo, or is she an extra on "Stranger Things"? Okay, so over my life people have made fun of my last name... Peverett. I have been called "Pervert" soooo many times. I always say when someone calls me that that it's Prevert... I already did it while the pervert is thinking about it. Anyway, there's some people with a lot worse names in the world.

See what I mean? Okay, and now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, it's...

Top Phive Things Revealed By Trump's Physical 5. Technically, he's a 267-pound, man-shaped malignant tumor.4. His colon is packed solid with undigested Trump Steaks.3. His forked tail has a terrible case of eczema.2. He desperately needs to "Make His Cholesterol Levels Great Again."
And the number one thing revealed in Trump's physical was...1. Everything he's said about the size of his penis is true. Unfortunately, it's not attached to his body.

If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Alright, it's football season so it's time once again for my friend Jeff and I to talk football.

Me: Jeff, hey there, how's it going?

Jeff: Good to be back on the Phile. Just in the home stretch for my latest book when I finish off the series I'm writing. Now I know how George Lucas felt with Return of the Jedi.

Me: Okay, so, how did we do with last weeks picks?

Jeff: I went 0-2 in the first week, while you went 1-1 plus the Giants won.

Me: Yes! I'm in the lead! Alright, so, what is the latest NFL news?

Jeff: The big news is quite a few injuries through the first week, but I would say the biggest news is that the New England Patriots won with their backup quarterback since Tom Brady is serving the first game of his four game suspension. There was quite the impressive comeback as well, coming down from 17 points down by the Kansas City Chiefs.

Me: And like you said, the Giants won.

Jeff: Not only was it a Giants win, but you beat your rival which is always a good thing too. Now granted they had a rookie quarterback in who will serve as their back up when Romo comes back, but a win against your rival is still a huge win!

Me: Now if we can only beat the Saints in a few hours. Okay, so, let's do this weeks picks. I say Redskins by 3 and your Steelers by 4.

Jeff: Good luck. My picks are New England by 4 and Seattle also by 4.

Me: Great. I'll see you here next Sunday.

Okay, so, my son and I were talking the other day how we used to watch "Sesame Street" together. Looking at the show now, it's just not the same. Take a look at what I mean...

"I tried, Ernie. I tried so hard. I met a woman named Tina. She had a dog named Louise. We got married. I had a job selling insurance. It didn't work out. I want to come back."
"Tima was choked to death with Louise's collar, wasn't she?"
"How... his did you know? Did you follow me?"
"No, Bert. You've been following me. It's been twelve years. There's been seven 'Tina's.' All with dogs. You end it the same way."
"Is... this real? Right now?"
"Let the knife answer that."

Hmmm. I don't know what I think of that graphic. Anyway, today's guest is a very talented musician and singer from Italy whose latest album "Moonbeam Parade" is now available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Giulia Millanta.

Giulia: I can wear a raccoon tail and go grocery shopping or out for a drink and no one really cares…it’s totally normal. A few days ago I spotted a guy at the bus stop dressed like Superman…

Me: Maybe it was Superman. So, was it a culture shock for you moving to the states?

Giulia: I’m constantly shocked. Not just culturally.

Me: Giulia, you speak four languages, am I right? What are they? I speak five languages... English, American, Canadian, Australian and South African. Actually, I speak 6 if you count Jibberish. Haha. I'm so stupid.

Giulia: Well, you are not stupid, you are spoiled… You know you can go everywhere and be understood (sort of). In Europe we all are crammed on a small surface. A lot of diversity, in terms of languages, life styles, food, habits…
So it’s natural (at least for me) to feel the need to discover what’s around. I speak Italian, English, Spanish (completely fluent), I understand French. I’m learning German right now.

Me: So, what did your family think about you moving to the states?

Giulia: AH. They gave up on me a long time ago! My mom calls me “the nomad." I moved to Spain in 2005. Also, I am an MD but never practiced… So they are used to my being “unconventional," I guess.

Me: Your new album "Moonbeam Parade" is your fifth album, am I right? Did you release the other four in Italy?

Giulia: No, only the first two. Number 3, 4 and 5 in Austin.

Me: So, growing up in Italy what music did you listen to?

Giulia: I used to listen to the vinyl I had at home: Simon and Garfunkel, Pink Floyd, Neil Young, Joan Baez, and Mozart, Beethoven… some folk music from all over the world.

Me: Who were your influences growing up?

Giulia: All of the above. Then I fell in love with Tom Waits, but not until 2011.

Me: I heard the CD and really, really like it. You have a great voice. Have you always sang since you were a kid?

Giulia: Yes, I still have a cassette tape of me at age 5 singing “Scarborough Fair"... but my dad (who taught me how to play guitar) used to tell me I wasn’t a good singer... Then I took opera at age 24.

Me: Do you do all your own song writing, Guilia?

Guilia: Yes, most of it. I co-wrote a handful here and there and I like cover songs too.

Me: You have a pretty impressive band on the CD... one of the band members played with Bob Dylan, am I right? Are you a fan of Dylan? Did you hear any cool stories?

Guilia: He still does and no, I’m not a fan of Dylan…sorry! But Charlie Sexton is a great guy and an awesome player. I’m a big fan of his! Also, I have Hunt Sales on the record, who used to play with David Bowie.

Me: Do you go to concerts a lot? What was the first concert you saw?

Guilia: Tina Turner. The best. I was a little girl.

Me: Okay, let's go back to your album... "Moonbeam Parade." Where did the title come from?

Guilia: "Moonbeam Parade" is about all the creatures we encounter at night, once the lights are out. Your fears, your demons, your ghosts. They parade in front of you. You can watch or you can follow… but anyhow, you better make friends with them!

Me: Giulia, you are a really good guitarist... do you like to play acoustic or electric better?

Guilia: Thank you! Well, I played acoustic my whole life. For this record, under the advice of my friend and co-producer George Reiff, I started playing the electric. It’s a new experience and so far I like it!

Me: What make of guitar do you play or prefer?

Guilia: I don’t have one. It’s like friendship. If a guitar speaks to me and enchants me, then I like it!

Me: Someone said that you are "a dash of Piaf, a sprinkle of Lady Day, a pinch of Norah Jones and a teaspoon of Madeline Peroux..." I have no idea who those people are except for Norah Jones... who I have been trying to get on the Phile for years. Do you know who the others are?

Guilia: You don’t know who Lady Day (Billie Holiday) is???? Edith Piaf??? Stop reading this and go listen to them!!!!!

Me: Billie Holiday, yes, I know who that is. Okay, so, I saw the cover of your album "Dropping Down" and it looks like you were falling? I have to show it here...

Me: It's a great photo. Were you falling?

Guilia: I don’t reveal my secrets. But yes, I died. Made a deal with the devil and came back.

Me: Haha. So, who did the drawings on the "Moonbeam Parade" album cover? Did you come up with the idea?

Guilia: Yes, the idea is mine. The awesome drawings are by Gabriel Rhodes (also guitar player on the record).

Me: So, I am sure you have done concerts in Europe and over here... what do you prefer and what was your favorite concert you played?

Guilia: I don’t know. I like places where people listen and pay attention. I don’t know. That can happen everywhere…

Me: I have to ask you about this... you do house concerts... I worry about people doing house concerts... you never know what the persons house is gonna be like or what they are gonna be like. Does that worry you?

Guilia: No and yes. People are the same in a house or in a bar… Usually at a house concert people are quieter and more attentive.

Me: And at these concerts you cook for them? Hmmmm. What do you cook? Do you bring your own ingredients? How much does this cost and will you come to Clermont in Florida? Hahahaha.

Guilia: I do Italian cuisine. The price... depends on the menu you chose, but it’s fair! And yes, I will come to Florida; actually, I have another house concert to schedule there so we can make it work!

Me: So, what's next for you, Giuilia? Will you be going on tour behind this album?

Guilia: Yes. I am on tour now. I am in Italy. I have shows here and then Holland, Germany, Belgium. Then back home and I will be on the East Coast mid November; then more shows around Texas, Oklahoma…

Me: Thanks so much for being on the Phile. I hope this was fun and I hope you'll come back soon. Will you?

Guilia: Sure, if you‘ll have me.

Me: Of course! Go ahead and mention your website and continued success. Take care.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to my guests Jeff Trelewicz and Guilia. The Phile will be back tomorrow with Claire Dickson who was supposed to be on the Phile a few weeks ago. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Go Giants!

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker