April 22, 1996

We had our first auditions tonight. I find auditions possibly the most
emotionally charged part of filmmaking. The actors are at a great power
disadvantage, set up to look bad with an unfamiliar script, erratic
direction, and uncongenial surroundings. I feel sorry for them and try
hard to make the process gentler, but I am cast in the role of the
dominant just as they are cast in the role of the submissive, and
ultimately I realize that it is better for everyone if I appear
comfortable with the power invested in me. In reality, I myself feel as
if I'm auditioning as a director. If an actor can't get to the character,
is it because of their acting or my inability to find the right way to
direct them?

From the auditions through the end of production, I have to get used
to a new way of talking about the characters in my film. Left to my own
devices, I'll discuss characterization in terms of its effects: effects on
the other elements of the film, or on the viewer. With actors, it's
usually better to discuss characterization in terms of its causes. To
help me make this transition, I sat down this afternoon and wrote about
all the audition scenes from the point of view of the emotions of the
characters. It's a different language altogether.

Going into the auditions, I feared that I might be tempted by too many
performances, that the auditions wouldn't give me enough information to
tell if I had the wrong person. It turns out that, if anything, I am
erring on the other side, and my characters now seem like very difficult
targets, glass slippers waiting for Cinderellas.

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