Friday, September 15, 2006

Do Black Women Have Attitude?

22 Comments:

Anonymous said...

Thanks for this article. This is such a lame stereotype, and its annoying to hear that all the time. I know a lot of guys who would disagree with the generalization, but I have also heard a lot of guys actually say that, like we all have attitude. It's getting tired. We need to move on from this.

Very well presented debate - thanks for bringing it on. With generalisation comes ignorant practices. Such sweeping stereotypes on races is what gives forth attitude from all corners of the earth irrespective of race. Narrow minds, and or limited exposure, produces such stereotypical attitudes akeen to those who feed off them and populate them. I guess we should thank the global media community for spreading such ideologies.

I'm glad you're writing about this. I work with a multicultural staff and they all have their moments of anger. But some of the non blacks do passive agressive stuff behind ones back and for the most part the women of color let their passion show. I believe anyone who does not have respect for women of color will look for something in our culture and use it as a negative with the intention to demean or belittle us. Perhaps what they perceive as anger is our awareness of the injustice in the world. Before we were stereotyped as "angry" we were called "ugly" and now the very things that once made us ugly(big lips, big bottoms, sexy curves, braids, dark skin, to name a few) is being emulated by all the other women of the world with the help of plastic and cosmetic surgery. So I don't care what others think; I'm not "angry" but aware of the hypocrisy and injustice which exists in this world and how many unintelligent brothers have bought into this stereotype. Thank you for bringing up this issue.

I find it interesting that no males have responded. Would have been interesting to hear their opinions whether they agree, disagree or are midway between the two. This is a great topic to bring out for dialogue. It's healthy to talk about these things, I think.

My brother says that black women DO have atttitude but that brothers have what it takes to handle it. He says that it is not such a bad thing to have attitude as it means that the standards are high and that black women do not want to be taken for granted. Nothing wrong with that.

I believe that black women have attitude, as a brother who dated mostly outside his own race, i found it difficult to approach the sistas sometimes, because of their attitude, maybe it's just me but i've tried!and there are a lot interesting black women out there that don't have that attitude problem, but there are also , i presume a huge equal numbers of sisters that have that it, Big Time. They all think that they are queens and princesses, i don't want to demonize them, i love them, but please for your own sake, brothas have starting to look outside because of mindgames and mostly attitude. the other day, i took the streetcar and a young black lady got on and the driver nicely asked the girl if she could showed her pass again(because it was all folded in little pieces into her hand and she showed it to him very fast) and she got upset and started insulting and swearing at him for no reason..what the hell what was wrong with her. Sistas, you have competition, you betta, change your act, women from other ethnic backgrounds are coming strong, they have everything you have without the Attitude-

This response is regarding the comment posted by brotha to sista. I do not think it is fair to say that there is something wrong with black women's attitudes alone( for black men also have attitudes) and there are plenty of women from other races who have everything we have with out the attitude? Yes we are Queens and Princesses, for we are children of rich ancestors who were onces Kings and Queens. And if our Kings would approach us like the Kings they are with respect and true love for our Queendom then we would gladly let them into our kingdom without hesitation. Black men have attitude as well. For example I was at the bus stop the other day. And a young Black man exchanged several moments of eye contact with me, but refused to crack a smile. So I sat down beside him, and told him it would make the world of difference if he just smiled. But he proceeded to give me attitude and told me that there is nothing to smile about and why am I always smiling. So I explained, and eventually he smiled. Even when we are not interested in someone and we see this attitude whether it maybe male or female...or whether we are interested we should take the time to explain what is wrong with the attitude displayed before we crucify them. We should spend more time even trying to find out were the attitude derives from...and maybe then we can judge. We must support one another not turn the other way when we are face with challenges.

But my piece is not going to be politically correct. For some black men to go around claiming that they have non-confrontational relationships with non-black women is a whole load of BS. I have white girl friends who tell me the real truth about what goes on behind doors and who is really the boss, so y'all don't come at us with your BS...

One black brother for example owns his own business, but when he gets visits from the bank, investors (white men in business suits) etc, they always assume that it is the woman (white) who owned it and she in turn would boss him around in front of them and treat him like the message boy. This man was later seen trying to give advice to his friends, who were complaining about failing to control their (white)women. Little did his friends know, that he was in the same boat. But had they talked to his secretary, they would have found out. Things are not what they seem behind closed doors. As a matter of fact, they even spill out in public.

What is actually called attitude, is the black woman's refusal to take bull from her man (of any colour). She is expected to take bull from everyone, but when she puts down her foot and refuses to be mistreated, cheated on, abused, taken advantage of, bossed around, left behind and baby mama'd by her man----then she has attitude. When she refuses to worship the black man (and fellas, the mandingo factor is a myth---not all of you are endowed) then she has attitude. When she refuses to be submissive to her man and kiss his butt, then she has attitude. (Incidentally when she opens her heart and loves him many black men end up doing the things above anyway.)

I am not even from here, and I am so amused by the whole hostility between black men and women here in North America. It’s like cats and dogs. There is a love/hate relationship that is not prevalent in Africa for example. One thing is for sure, I am tired of hearing black men bad mouth black women.

Now black men, I do not hate you. I understand not all of you are like that. So this is for those who are like that. I am calling a spade a spade. Yes there are black women with attitude, but there are black men too with that. How many of you will be walking in the downtown streets and look away when a smiling black woman looks your way. Isn't that attitude? In the meantime you have spread this myth so that even while you reject the black woman, no on else dares look at her for fear of her ‘mighty attitude.’ It’s the (territorial) ‘I can’t have her and neither can you’ selfish as hell attitude. It’s the ‘I can date whoever I please but you shouldn’t attitude.’ Please!

I can’t believe this. Men will go to war and fight each other, BUT shudder at the so called ‘attitude’ of the black woman. Black women recognize your strength. Interesting. You do not want black women. Fine. Me, I am not limiting myself to black men either. There are too many (fine non-black) men out there to lock myself into that. Black men do not have the monopoly over being fine. It’s time black women opened their eyes and stopped being loyal. Other men are checking you out too and waiting for YOUR green light.

black women have a problem only in americaall western women are messed up in the headits not their fault its men's fault for giving them too much to be responsible forit will only get worse in america cause of how oppressive men were in the past, now its like the abused dog on the chain was let loose, it will never come back!!!

black women have a problem only in americaall western women are messed up in the headits not their fault its men's fault for giving them too much to be responsible forit will only get worse in america cause of how oppressive men were in the past, now its like the abused dog on the chain was let loose, it will never come back!!!

Dang bitch i no you aint saying black girls have attitude. Psh i got some, but all my girls, maybe not aalll, dont have attitude. This is racist, stereotypical, and just dang rude. You aint got no right to go and put dat out into da open. Especially since my friend told me about it when she spotted it on google. Damn you mutha fuckas for bein so damn racist.

If black women didn't have attitude, then there wouldn't be a stereotype that black women have attitude. The proof is in the pudding. The problem is that these women don't have attitude because they're so strong, like many of you are claiming. The attitude comes from weakness and lack of confidence. Black women feel attacked too easily. They are constantly on the defense. Any kind of question or disagreement is an afront to their intelligence or place in society, so the response is "attitude". Of course, to say that ALL black women have attitude is a stretch, but to say that a large majority of black women have attitude is well within reason. These women need to grow up and get some confidence and learn how to deal with others in a disciplined manner. People in general will only put up with attitude for so long until they just discount you and choose not to deal with you. A woman with attitude digs her own hole.

I'm a black man. I have two black parents and two black sisters. I don't want to make sweeping generalizations because I love black women. However, i will say this. I'm a well dressed, smart, well spoken, handsome, and friendly black guy. No, I'm not a "Carlton" type of black guy. I know i'm black and identify with black culture. However, when I go to clubs in L.A., which is not that often anymore, I have given up on asking black women to dance. I don't come at them disrespect. I'm polite and friendly and just say, "hey, you want to dance" with a smile. I am shot down 9 out of 10 times. Only the sisters that are not that attractive will dance with me and the pretty ones usually dance with the thug types. When I say i am shot down, the black girls look at me with an attitude and say "NO" really curtly or look like, "i know you just didn't ask me to dance". I don't get it. If you don't want to dance, why bring your tired behind to a dance club. Anyway, these are the same women that will look at you sideways and want to call you a sell out if you dance with a white girl or a latino girl. I don't know, I think many black women are alone or in drama situations because they are attracted to "bad boy" types that bring the drama. I hate to say it, but I completely stopped asking black women to dance now and that's pretty sad. But honestly, as a man, I have pride and it's not a big deal to get a few rejections here and there, but I'm a good catch and I'm not going to continue to downgrade myself with the likes of women that act like you have to go through security clearance just to say hello or strike up a conversation. I never really understood the whole black men liking white girl thing. However, I'm starting to see that other women of other races are very approachable, many are nice, interested in conversation, SMILE, and appreciate someone that shows them a little respect. So sistahs good luck with your thugs. I'm about to be down with the swirl and probably contribute to another mixed baby. Sorry, I tried CONSISTENTLY, but i'm cool on the attitude and downgrading from my own people. Lata.

African American women,,,,,,,,,, have the worst attitude, i have women friends from all races, but they are the worst!!!,, the ones i have met show u faces & treat u like u are an animal,,sorry but thats the way i have felt, and many of my friends have felt it that way

I am a white man who is getting divorced from a black woman. She has the WORST attitude of any woman I have ever met. She managed to do a pretty good job of hiding it before we were married, but she turned it loose after we said our "I do's". She is constantly angry and nothing I or anyone else says or does will help. I tried and hung in there for 7 years and she told me she didn't love and and wanted to leave me 3x for no apparent reason - I was very good to her and loved her with all my heart. I even offered to go to counseling with our pastor but she refused. The first 2 times I hung in there because I am a Christian and I believe that when you give your word in the marriage vows, you should stick to it. But I have never seen such a horrible attitude or anger problem in a person in my entire life. I regret ever meeting her. Even though she is very physically beautiful, the attitude just kills it. I went to see my pastor after she announced she wanted to leave me, and after talking to him, he even said to just let her go and later on find someone else. We are not called by God to be someone's doormat. Her nasty attitude has made her enemies and cost her jobs before. She was once fired from a very good paying job because of her bad attitude. This didn't change her, however, she just learned to "play nice" a little better when the help is around.

I have also talked to a number of other white guys who have dated black girls and they have all said the same thing - that the black women they dated have terrible attitudes and anger management problems. Most of these white guys say they would never do it again. This is very bad news for the black chicks out there who have developed a liking for white men. We are getting wise to your attitude! This is why many white men won't date black women. It used to be the race issue. Now that's pretty much dead. It's pretty much ok in white society to date outside your race now pretty much everywhere except in the extreme rural south. So if white guys are saying no or not interested in you now, its probably because they are wise to the attitude thing. I hear the locker room talk. And that's what we are saying. We talk to the brothas too. And they are saying it as well.

So ladies, you better tone it down if you want to have a chance with self respecting white guys. Word is getting out amongst white men about your attitudes and many of us are now wary and cautious about dating you because of others' experiences with this problem.

I really don't get it. You black ladies are extremely beautiful (well at least some of you are) but the attitude thing just totally kills it. After my divorce is final I will consider dating another black woman but at the FIRST sign of attitude, I am outta there so fast she won't know what happened. Life is too short to be some angry black chick's doormat.

Sadly, white women aren't any better - most of them I have dated cheat on you and do things behind your back. Most are really submissive and usually don't have the backbone to give a man that much attitude to his face, but I think the thing is that black women are just more bold and up front about it, and white women are more passive and sneaky about it. If someone does have something against me, I would actually prefer the black woman approach - tell me to my face, that way at least I know where I stand with her and am not in for a totally unexpected rude awakening one day. But my ex wouldn't even do that - she would just stew and act hateful for weeks on end without ever telling me what I did wrong. And 99% of the time, she was mad at something or someone else but taking it out on me.

I am an educated (master's degree) very attractive and very well built white guy (former bodybuilder) who can do much better. Like I said before, I would consider dating black women again but I will not tolerate attitude one bit in the future.

If everyone, black and white alike, would just treat others as you want to be treated, this wouldn't even be an issue.

Interesting comments. Mostly sounds like a lot of angry women who seem to be very insecure. I'm not sure of the history that is behind each of the comments, but it seems that civility and love for one anothor should prevail. Everyone has had bad experiences, but to have those experiences control and influence your future so much is not going to gain much as far improving and growing relationships. Yes, I agree, that black women seem to express the feelings more overtly which is often realted to have more issues to deal with. I'm not trying to generalize, but if you walk into and retail establishment or call customer service, it seems black women are more difficult to deal with and less likely to exhibit a customer friendly environment.