Being a left-leaning military spouse can feel isolating. You’re adrift in a sea of conservative-minded peers.

Plus, our military community can sometimes feel like an echo chamber of GOP memes and conservative talking points.

It’s not that you don’t have friends. You do. They just might not quite think and feel the same as you when it comes to politics.

Here’s the truth: I have been a closet liberal and potential agnostic for years now. Read more about how I survive military life as a liberal here.

When you put yourself and your political ideas out there, many are quick to turn on you. On social media, liberals are prepped to be called a snowflake or worse. Memes abound showing just how weak or unpatriotic liberals, especially military-connected liberals, are perceived to be by conservatives. If you share your thoughts in person with a conservative friend, the same reactions happen. Just without the memes.

While finding supportive friends is possible, it might not always be probable. And even if you do find someone on the other side of the aisle who won’t outright bash your views, you will still disagree politically. It can be nice to find a group, online or in person, that shares your political values.

Liberal Leaning Military Spouses Can Turn To These 6 Facebook Groups For Community

Finding a group online can be a great way for liberal military spouses to connect virtually. These are spaces where liberals can share articles and opinions that reflect their way of political thinking. And it can happen without judgement or insulting memes.

If you’re looking for groups or pages that might offer support, check these out:

Bright Blue Dots: Bright Blue Dots encourages liberals to “blue up” no matter where they are located. This is not a military-exclusive community. Bright Blue Dots strongly advocates voting and voter registration.

Moms Against Hate: a collection of parents who are actively working to create a better future for our children. This is not a military (or Mom) exclusive group. Check out a march or rally where you live!

Indivisible Guide: this liberal group offers opportunities for local meet-ups and events around the nation. Local chapters help with voter registration and community building opportunities. Go to a local event near you! This group is not military exclusive.

Drinking Liberally: a national network with local chapters and interest based sub-groups. There are local groups located in the United States and around the world! This international group is not military exclusive.

Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America: a community dedicated to common sense gun reform. This group was founded after the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary. Moms Demand Action is one of the largest groups of its kind in the United States.

Connect Online Or In Real Life?

It can be hard to connect in real life with liberal-leaning groups. Connecting in person can be even harder when you move every few years. That makes digital networks a great way to seek support.

It’s important to connect offline too. Use your virtual networks to join local communities! Attend a “live” event hosted by a virtual network. From marches and rallies to casual meet-ups, you can find a local group that suits your needs.

You might consider volunteering with a local or national campaign. Reach out to your local online networks for candidates near you. You could also search through the national Democratic party website. Unite America is a good starting point to find independent candidates and groups.

No matter what, it pays to follow politicians who share your views. Politicians often post videos, share information about town hall meetings and work to actively engage on social media. If you’ve got an urge to do more, reach out and offer to volunteer!

Most importantly, if there isn’t a group near you, start one. Liberal-leaning military spouses, you are not alone. Reach out and find each other.

If you’re a liberal-leaning military spouse, where have you found community and support?

The Blue Star Families annual Military Lifestyle Survey is considered a preeminent resource and snapshot of the current state of the military family. Thinkers, decision-makers, academics, politicians, and other leaders across various sectors look to the #BSFSurvey to help them better understand the trends within the military community.

The survey is valid and research-based; Blue Star Families collaborates closely with Syracuse University’s Institute for Veterans and Military Families from the first planning stages of the survey to the final touches. Because of this, the survey has been used in CEO’s boardrooms, on Capitol Hill, and even in the White House to drive policy and make decisions to better serve military families.

Send the link to your spouse. We know how these things go…and we know how military families are. If you’re able to have dinner with your spouse, it’s likely you’ll both forget about the survey just because you don’t have the link right there in front of you. If you’re not in the same ZIP code (or time zone) an email or message with the link goes a long way.

Share this article. The more military-affiliated folks who tell their stories in the #BSFSurvey, the better. And it’s open to all military-affiliate folks – active duty, National Guard and Reserve members of all branches and their spouses, veterans and retirees and their spouses, and military kids.

And don’t forget! We’re giving away five $100 gift cards in a drawing that’s open to those who have completed the survey. (Don’t worry; if you don’t have time to complete it, the application will save your place. You can finish it later.) Take the survey today.

Joanna Guldin-Noll is the Senior Produced Media Manager for Blue Star Families and spouse of a Navy veteran. She loves PBS, reading, cross-stitching, and is trying really hard to like running.

Or you started your own business and you can’t find a way to operate on post.

Or…insert one of a million other scenarios that military spouses continue to endure in the great plight of finding (and keeping) a job.

For me, the scenario was moving to Guam. I had a great job in Washington, D.C., and I (very wrongly) assumed I’d have no problem finding a job. When we got to island, I sent resume after resume after resume (after resume!), and I didn’t hear a thing. I finally found a position that actually aligned to my experience and was ecstatic to apply. I heard back from the hiring manager the next day and we excitedly discussed my knowledge, skills and abilities. We both knew I was the most qualified candidate that would apply; I’d done nearly the exact same job they were hiring for on the national level in D.C.

Then the hiring manager asked The Question.

“What brought you to Guam?”

I didn’t hesitate in telling him – I was proud of my husband’s service. I also didn’t think it would result in my interviewer responding, “Oh. We’ll let you know,” only to never hear from him again.

We all have (or know someone who has) had a similar experience. Fortunately for us, someone is listening:

Last week, I had the opportunity to tell my story (along with three of my co-advisors on the Military Family Advisory Network) at Senator Kaine’s announcement of his intention to introduce the bill.

At the event, Kaine talked about the national unemployment rate and how it compares to that of military spouses. Spoiler alert: Ours is much, much higher, and Kaine is committed to fighting that. Fortunately for us, he understands the struggles and complexities of military families firsthand; his oldest son is a married, active duty Marine.

While there are several facets to this legislation, and many involve commissioning studies in order to have more data points, there are 4 main foci of the bill:

Military Spouse Employment Act of 2018

Employment Opportunities

This aims to bolster military spouses’ competitiveness in the job market by modifying federal hiring authority so that federal agencies can expedite the hiring of a candidate who is a military spouse. Additionally, it requires DoD to come up with a plan to increase the participation of military spouse friendly businesses in defense contracts. Last but not least, it encourages DoD to submit a plan on how to best facilitate military spouse entrepreneurship on installations…as in, how do you get a contract for one of those little kiosks outside the PX/NEX/BX? And how do we ensure you can actually earn a livelihood from said kiosk instead of paying an unreasonable amount for rent?

Continuing Education and Training

This pillar instructs DoD to evaluate how to expand and increase awareness of existing programs to military spouses, specifically the Military Spouse Career Advancement Account (MyCAA). MyCAA provides an incredible opportunity to receive a non-competitive scholarship of up to $4,000 to pursue associate degrees, certificates, professional licenses and even the costs of recertifying credentials.

Child Care

Child care is very near and dear to my heart as I was supposed to start a job 2 weeks after moving to our new duty station, only to find out it was almost a yearlong waiting list. Living far from family and not knowing a soul, too often, we have to choose between affordable, reliable child care or working.

This part of the bill instructs the DoD to examine ways to increase the number of cleared child care providers while ensuring DoD adheres to child care safety rules. So, another study, but I’m remaining cautiously optimistic that some headway will be made as they look at finding more options for child care.

Counseling and Transition Assistance

This part of the bill allows transitioning service members and their spouses an additional six months of access to Military One Source (currently limited to only six months after transition). This might not sound like a big deal, but every spouse I’ve talked to says that the six-month mark is right about the time the honeymoon of retirement sets in and the “needing resources” phase begins. An extension will be so useful for families. Additionally, this provision allows military spouses to attend Transition Assistance Programs (TAP) with their service members, allowing for smoother transitions to civilian life for the whole family.

Kaine hopes the Military Spouse Employment Act of 2018 will be attached to the 2018 National Defense Authorization Act, with bipartisan support.

“It’s a military readiness issue,” Kaine said. “And of course all want to help our military spouses advance.”

T.T. Robinson is a Navy wife, mommy and political correspondent for NextGen MilSpouse. She also currently writes the Deployment Diary for Motherlode, the New York Times parenting blog, and is a regular contributor for SpouseBuzz. Follow her on Twitter, find her on Facebook or visit her website, www.ttrobinsonwrites.com.

You’re sitting in a hospital room, with a newborn baby and your 7-year-old baby. You are in a foreign country, your husband is at work and you have no family nearby. The doctor tells you that your child needs an MRI of her brain immediately.

Tears roll down your face.

You have no one to talk to.

You feel alone.

To some, this is what nightmares are made of. But for me, it was reality and it was only beginning.

This all started when she passed out while getting ready for school one morning. For several days, my daughter went through 2 different MRIs. Tons of blood work. EEGs twice a day. Every medical test you could think of, she had it done.

When one of the MRIs showed abnormalities with her brain, but no obvious cause, the doctors went with the next step of genetic testing. Waiting for 12 weeks for those results was the longest 12 weeks of our lives.

Little did we know, that this was far from over when it came to getting the medical care she needed. We decided we should come back to the States on a compassionate reassignment, to make sure our daughter was taken care of medically.

Most days, I feel like it was the worst decision we ever made. Other days, I try to tell myself it was a blessing in disguise because my husband was able to reclass to a new MOS that he loves and makes him happy.

Fast forward to now, 5 years later.

She was diagnosed with scoliosis and will need hip reconstruction surgery. Last year, she had to have knee reconstruction, due to her knee cap frequently dislocating. MCAP causes extremely flexible joints, so this came as no surprise to the orthopedic surgeon. Just recently, I had to walk through fire to get her another referral for more orthopedic consults.

When her pediatrician at our current military treatment facility saw her X-rays, he told us there was no need for a referral and that we only needed to follow up once a year. WRONG.

As mothers, we know when something isn’t right.

No, I did not go to medical school. But I am a mother with a gut feeling that is never wrong. I fought for days to get the referral to the orthopedic clinic.

When we finally got in after waiting for 3 weeks, they were amazed that the pediatrician did not take her X-rays more seriously. One of her hips sits much lower than the other and the orthopedic physician said that is a major concern, which may require hip reconstruction. They ordered more X-rays and asked us to get a follow-up appointment. The next available was 3 weeks later.

The waiting is agonizing.

I fought to get her the referral. We waited for an hour in the waiting room to be called back, before being informed her doctor was stuck in surgery so we could either reschedule or see someone who isn’t her doctor. We opted to see someone who wasn’t her doctor, so we could get some answers. Now we are waiting again, to hopefully see her usual orthopedic doctor.

It’s true what they say – military life is nothing but hurry up and wait.

Waiting on referrals.

Waiting for over an hour in the waiting room before you are finally called back.

Waiting to hear test results, only to never be called back or completely ignored.

Waiting to know if your child will go through another traumatic event, such as a reconstruction surgery. The pain. The tears.

The awful feeling that you feel like it’s your fault. Did I take the wrong prenatal vitamins when I was pregnant that caused this? Did I have too much stress during my pregnancy and it caused MCAP to develop? Was it my genes that caused her to have to go through this?

The constant fear of feeling like it’s my fault and the guilt are soul-crushing.

For the record, I was assured by the genetic doctor that this was just a random mutation of genes, that had nothing to do with me. But, it’s hard to accept that at times.

When you add all of these things together, it’s hard to get through the days sometimes without feeling like you can never do anything right.

I try to make sure she always has access to the care she needs, but it feels impossible sometimes. Some doctors seem to blow us off at times.

EFMP is supposed to be a system that ensures you will have the care you need at every duty station you are assigned to, but to some of us, it sure doesn’t feel like we have the care or even the compassion that our children or other EFMP family members need and deserve.

Our daughter’s disorder is so rare, that not many doctors at our MTF even know what it is. I remember an appointment with a doctor who had never seen her before. I took her in for something routine and when I was asked about her previous medical history, I explained to them she has MCAP. They looked at me like I had 2 heads.

It’s just as frustrating having to explain every time we see someone new at our MTF what she has, what causes it, what the symptoms are, etc, as it is also frustrating waiting on referrals.

Three weeks for a wait here and there may not seem like much to some or even most people. But it’s an eternity when you’re in our shoes and going through what we have to go through.

Doctors who don’t listen.

Doctors who KNOW your child has a certain medical disorder like MCAP, yet they either know very little about it and refuse to learn more, or they refuse to listen to your concerns, simply because you are not the doctor, therefore, you obviously don’t know what you’re talking about.

I’m not writing this to gain sympathy. I’m writing this so people know that the system is truly broken.

We hear this time and time again, from other family members who have to walk through fire to get what they need.

As a mother, there is nothing worse than seeing your child struggle. As a mother, it is my job to protect her and make sure she is provided with what she needs, which includes access to care.

I feel like I’m failing at every turn, because the system, and lack of care and compassion on the part of some physicians, won’t let me have an opinion. I know more about my daughter and her health needs after the whirlwind of the last 5 years, over a physician who has looked at her all of 30 seconds.

It seems to be a typical response of

“Oh, her knee and back are hurting? Just give her some Motrin.”

Things need to be changed.

Will they change? Most likely not, but we can still talk about what we have had to deal with to hopefully help another military family find comfort in knowing they are not alone.

Maybe someday, there will be more thought put into how to help our children and family members who have had more than their fair share of struggles with the military health system.

Motrin and hurry up and wait are not getting us where we need to be and our children and other special needs families deserve better.

Jana is a happy wife and mom. She has a wonderful husband, 2 great kids, a Great Dane, and 2 kitties. She is a stay at home mom who loves writing, reading, baking, and wine. She currently lives at Fort Gordon with her family, and is hoping the PCS Gods send them somewhere cold next!

The special thing about military spouses is that, just like our service members, we hail from communities that reach across the entire United States of America (and even the world). We represent diverse races, religions and spoken languages. Our families practice different traditions, hold various perspectives and have lived unique experiences.

And as we travel across the nation with our service members we often get to see and live alongside more people and ways of life than the average person may encounter.

For many of us, these experiences strengthen or awaken a resolve to become a social justice ally or advocate in our communities.

So when tragedies or injustices strike we may feel like the crisis is “hitting close to home” even if we are thousands of miles away. We live all over the United States and world. We make friends that we may have never encountered, except through this military life. And at some point we come to realize that everyone does not have equal access to the freedoms and privileges our service members have committed to protect.

“When you have a basic level of empathy or sense of fairness it can be so disheartening to see people suffering and being unsure how you can help.”

Our physical communities and neighbors change countless times. But this doesn’t mean we can not find ways to work toward the ideas of liberty and equal protection under the law. In fact, no PCS has to be a barrier to advocating for the American ideas of justice and the “pursuit of happiness” for all.

No matter where you currently reside here are 4 ways you can be a social justice ally.

Use Your Money To Be A Social Justice Ally

When a family has lost a member in an act of brutality, intolerance or hate they are not afforded the opportunity to only grieve their loved one. More often than not there is also the immediate concern of burial costs and legal fees (to fight against the injustice). A quick Google search can lead you in the right direction to find GoFundMe pages or memorial accounts where you can provide monetary support.

Speak To Your Local Leaders As a Social Justice Ally

Contacting your elected officials to let them know your opinions can help pressure them into responding in a honorable fashion should tragedy strike your immediate community. Phone calls and emails are ways concerned citizens can make their leaders aware of their expectations.

Stand Up And Be A Social Justice Ally

When “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was repealed by President Obama social justice allies everywhere rejoiced. Its repeal was the result of people from all walks of life speaking out and advocating for a fair and inclusive Armed Forces. Change begins when we decide to BE the change we want to see in our own lives and world.

You don’t have to be a member of a group or community in order to recognize their humanity and (quite possibly) your privilege. Don’t allow disparaging remarks to occur in your presence. People should not feel comfortable discriminating or tearing down others in front of you.

“Speaking up and standing out in your personal life matters.”

Volunteer To Be A Social Justice Ally

Military spouses are known for our dedication to volunteerism. Working to support the needs of individuals near and far is a tangible way to make a difference for someone else. You can also use websites like Volunteer Match to find more opportunities to volunteer for organizations with a passion for justice and human rights. If there are no local efforts underway consider organizing your friends and family around a mission that promotes equity in society.

Every day affords us the opportunity to be better, kinder and more useful humans. We can reflect on our lives and the lived experiences of others around us. How are they similar or different? We can listen to people when they tell us their life stories. We can choose to affirm, believe and support them.

Being a social justice ally means you are actively working toward creating a “more perfect union.”

In what ways are you working to spread justice, equity and kindness in our world?

The theme “It’s Far From Over” follows June’s theme of “We’ve Come So Far” because we know that progress for our LGBTQ brothers and sisters is far from over.

June was a celebration of the movement to end discrimination and embrace inclusion in our military community. We were thrilled to see Pride events held at military installations during the month of June. We had 30 days to think to ourselves. “Damn, look at how far our military community has come.”

But we can’t celebrate our progress.

The fight isn’t over yet. It’s far from over for members of our transgender community.

That truth became evident this week.

“After consultation with my Generals and military experts, please be advised that the United States Government will not accept or allow Transgender individuals to serve in any capacity in the U.S. Military,” President Trump tweeted. “Our military must be focused on decisive and overwhelming victory and cannot be burdened with the tremendous medical costs and disruption that transgender in the military would entail.”

These 3 tweets that I read before I had my morning coffee caused me to sit up in bed and think to myself, “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening to our military community.”

Then I reminded myself that a tweet – even 3 tweets from our commander-in-chief – doesn’t change federal policy.

Joint Chiefs Chairman Gen. Joe Dunford made that clear in his memo to the chiefs of the services and senior enlisted leaders.

“I know there are questions about yesterday’s announcement on the transgender policy by the President,” Dunford wrote in the message, a copy of which was provided to POLITICO. “There will be no modifications to the current policy until the President’s direction has been received by the Secretary of Defense and the Secretary has issued implementation guidance.”

“In the meantime, we will continue to treat all of our personnel with respect. As importantly, given the current fight and the challenges we face, we will all remain focused on accomplishing our assigned missions,” he continued.

They are a slap in the face to the more than 15,500 transgender individuals currently serving in the Armed Services – many of whom have been serving openly since October 2016 when the Department of Defense’s policy allowed them to serve openly and authentically. These sailors, Marines, soldiers, airmen and guardsmen learned that their commander-in-chief, the person to whom they swore their allegiance to, doesn’t want them.

They are a message of fear to transgender military spouses and family members.

They are a signal to our military community that this type of discrimination, disrespect and ignorance is tolerated.

Here’s what NextGen MilSpouse has to say in response to Trump’s tweets:

Discrimination never has and never will have a place in our military community.

This fight is about a willingness to serve – openly, honestly and as you truly are – either as a service member who took the enlistment oath or a military spouse who fell in love with someone who swore to protect our country.

Discrimination has no place in our military community. It never has. It never will.

“Catch on fire and people will come from miles to watch you burn,” shared Jinyoung Englund, a candidate for the state senate in Washington and Marine Corps spouse, to the room of military spouses at Homefront Rising in Washington, D.C., last week.

Englund was one of this year’s speakers at the event aimed to help military spouses learn how to become effective advocates and run for public office.

As a political junkie, the idea of running for office is in the back of my mind, but for me, it’s just not doable right now.

After attending Homefront Rising in Washington, D.C., I have a number of tactical ideas for getting involved in my community today on the issues that matter most to me. This year’s sessions focused on the various ways that military spouses can impact local and national government, from being an advocate, to working for the government, to running for office. Attendees left energized and armed with the tools to take the next steps in their path to public service.

To say that I left Homefront Rising feeling inspired is an understatement.

I made amazing connections with other military spouses and organizations and am excited to continue my personal advocacy work. Here are my 5 takeaways from Homefront Rising.

5 Ways to Become an Effective Advocate

Do your research. This came up during every single session of Homefront Rising. Every. Single. Session. Whether you are looking for a job, wanting to start a nonprofit or considering to run for public office, know who is in that space already.

Who is a leader on the issues that you care about?

What organizations are already in the space and is there a way you can join with them?

What does your community really care about?

By connecting with those that are leaders in your cause or community you will learn how your voice and your story is a part of the larger picture. You may find that by volunteering with a local nonprofit dedicated to the cause that you are passionate about, that your story can be a part of their story, instead of starting something entirely new.

Maybe there is no one in that space talking about your cause – then be that person. But before you start, do your due diligence.

Know your message cold. Whether talking to members of your community, an elected official or the media, practice your message until you know it in your sleep. This will help you clearly articulate your goals under pressure.

Your advocacy elevator pitch is what will connect others to you. Tell your story and your goal quickly and clearly because no one has all day to sit and listen to you talk (even though we all wish they did!). Once you pique their interest with your pitch, then you can hit them with your flyers, data, talking points and more in-depth solutions.

Put your head down and work hard. This advice came from Rory Brosius, formerly deputy director of Joining Forces. Sure you want everyone to see what you are doing all the time, but to be successful you’re going to have to DO the work. So put your head down and focus. Do the best work that you can and you will be noticed by those around you.

Most importantly, don’t do something that you hate. No you will never love what you are doing 100% of the time, but if you are working on something that you love the work will be successful.

Be a connector. Keep in touch with people in your life to help you with your cause. These folks may serve as advisers to you or help you raise money. But until you launch your campaign, be generous with your list. If you know of someone that is looking for folks and you know 10 people that would be interested in their work, connect them with a quick introduction.

Be smart about who you connect, don’t send people that may not be interested at all, but instead those that you know have a common interest. Sharing your network helps everyone and when the time comes to grow your own organization or campaign, your network will remember and hopefully share their connections with you.

Get involved in government. There are many paths to public service, including working for an elected official, serving on a local committee and being elected to office.

Shannon Kula, former chief of state to a U.S. senator and Marine Corps spouse, shared that the elected officials she worked for often turned to her for her experience as a military spouse when making policy decisions about the military. Being that voice in an office is powerful.

If you want to serve in another capacity, look into local commissions, committees and boards. These often require an application and appointment by local officials and are a great way to learn more about what it’s like to serve.

If running for public office is more your speed, check out nonpartisan organizations like She Should Run and Running Start, to help you learn about fundraising, solidify your messaging and connect you to further resources.

At the end of the day being an effective advocate requires research, a clear message, hard work and your community. Remember, as a military spouse you can be politically involved, but be sure to have a conversation with your spouse and decide what’s best for your family as you take that jump into being involved or running for office.

When have you advocated effectively for an issue you believe in? What tips do you have for other military spouses interested in advocacy?

The idea for Homefront Rising was hatched the day before the October 2014 government shutdown by 3 military spouses: Military Spouse JD Network founder Mary Reding, and Lauren Weiner and Donna Huneycutt, co-owners of Wittenberg Weiner Consulting, LLC (WWC) and founders of military spouse non-profit In Gear Career.

Sitting together in the Capitol Hill Marriott, all 3 women waited with bated breath for the decisions that were being made in a chamber just a few blocks away.

They realized that the decisions made in Washington, D.C., directly and uniquely impacted every aspect of a military spouse’s life, including:

How much their service member would be paid

What health care coverage would be provided for their family

Whether their service member went to war

Where in the world their family would be stationed

What retirement benefits the service member would receive

How much a spouse would be paid if their service member dies

They decided that it was imperative that military spouses not only understand the political process, but also engage with it as advocates and leaders.

From that conversation came Homefront Rising, a non-partisan initiative dedicated to encouraging military spouses to speak up and equipping them with the tools and education to do so.

Homefront Rising returns on May 12 for the third full-day session in Washington, D.C., after several successful events and panels in Tampa, San Diego and Seattle. The focus of the day is on educating attendees to take the tools they use in their everyday lives as military spouses – resiliency, flexibility and a passion for service – and apply them to serving as advocates and leaders from the school board to the Senate.

Scheduled speakers include powerhouse military spouse advocates like Joyce Raezer from the National Military Family Association, Ashley Broadway-Mack from the American Military Partner Association, and Megan Paone from Hiring Our Heroes, as well as past Homefront Rising attendee Jinyoung Englund, a current candidate for a Washington State Senate seat.

The 2017 Homefront Rising agenda is set to cover a variety of relevant topics such as:

Insight on creating a platform around the issues that matter to you

Tips on building a powerful network even as you move around courtesy of the military

Advice on dealing with the media to get your message across

Information on different pathways to building a career in politics, including as a staffer, appointee and elected official

Guidance on getting what you want – funding, votes, legislation, a job – when dealing with those in power

“We see Homefront Rising as just the beginning of military spouse advocacy initiative. Military families need to be part of the conversation in Washington, D.C., and all levels of government, and Homefront Rising gives them the tools to do that effectively,” Weiner said. “When military spouses have a clear space at the table, our country will be stronger for it.”

At the heart of Homefront Rising’s mission is the desire to empower members of the military community to make positive change. We have become adept at calling on Congress and our elected officials to demand that they meet the needs of those who serve. But we also need members of our own community among those making the important decisions that affect us all.

What are you passionate about? Join us on May 12 and be part of the homefront rising!

Libby Jamison is the President-Elect of the Military Spouse JD Network and a Homefront Rising co-organizer. In addition to her work with MSJDN, Libby volunteers with Junior League and Hire Heroes USA. After living in California, Florida and Rhode Island over the past 5 years, she currently resides in Virginia with her husband, a Navy helicopter pilot, and works in Washington, D.C., for the Department of Veterans Affairs.

Sexual assault has been a recurrent headline topic this year. From Lady Gaga and Kesha, to Erin Andrews, ESPN and college football controversies, to Vice President Joe Biden — people are talking about sexual assault.

Anyone who watched the Oscars can tell you that the awards show ended up being an especially important night for survivors — even beyond Lady Gaga’s incredible performance.

April is Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month and in years past, both in my role as an advocate and counselor, I’ve often felt like I’ve been preaching to the choir.

And while statistics vary, it’s generally accepted that 1 in 5 women and 1 in 10 males will experience sexual assault over the course of their lifetimes.

But what if you are one of the “4 of 5” females or of the “9 of 10” males who have not experienced sexual assault?

Why should you care about sexual assault?

If I wanted to list every reason I think people should care, I’d be here all day and possibly all week. So for now, I’ll pick one.

One of the main reasons why we all need to care about this issue is because now that it’s being discussed in the mainstream, survivors are speaking out. Survivors who have been silent for years, or even decades, are speaking out.

For example, this past Christmas at a fundraising event for our local rape crisis center, a woman who looked to be in her mid-to-late 70s approached our table. She thanked the volunteers for their work and spontaneously shared her story of being molested as a young child. At the end, she paused and said

I’ve never told anyone that. It just wasn’t something you talked about back then.

As an advocate and a counselor, and a survivor myself, I can assure you that when survivors speak out — when they make that first outcry— the way their story is received is important.

It can be a moment of profound healing and connection.

Or it can be a moment of intense shame and regret.

And the difference in reaction is often based on the response of the person the survivor chooses to tell — whether that’s a friend, an employer, a pastor or coworker.

So I’d like to offer you some tips for how to handle these disclosures. Because whether you’re aware of it or not, chances are that you know someone who has experienced this form of abuse. Now trust and believe, I understand that not everyone has advanced training in handling difficult subject matter.

That being said, as military spouses, I think our community is better equipped than most. Our families already experience on a regular basis things that most of the population only see in movies or on the news.

Here are 8 tips (5 do’s and 3 don’ts) for compassionate responses when you find yourself in a conversation with a sexual assault or sexual abuse survivor.

The 5 Do’s for Compassionate Conversations with Sexual Assault Survivors

DO believe the person. I wish this one went without saying. It costs nothing and the potential healing benefit to a survivor is priceless.

On the flip side, I’ve spent weeks and months with clients working to undo the profound damage of having not been believed. While I do understand false accusations of sexual assault exist, I think things like media coverage and cautionary tales passed down by higher-ups can lead us to grossly overestimate the frequency with which those false reports occur (between 2 and 8 percent).

DO recognize disclosure as an act of strength and of vulnerability and do your best to honor it. When a survivor tells me their story or even simply reveals that he or she is a survivor, I take a moment to appreciate that disclosure: “I can’t imagine what that was like for you – to go through or even to admit now. I’m grateful thought you could tell me.”

The exact words you say don’t matter as much as the message you send.

I actually think those first 2 do’s are among the easiest. Find your version of acknowledgement.

It’s like catching a ball. You have the ball and I think this is often where people panic.

They don’t want the ball.

They want to get rid of the ball as quickly as possible.

Or, they don’t mind the ball. But they don’t know what to do with it either.

Fear not, the next tips are for you.

For survivors who are managing well, that is to say they’re not in immediate need of assistance, DO offer appreciation for how well they’re coping and maybe even ask how they got through it.

It gives someone who’s worked through something horrible the chance to share their success and not just their trauma.

I’ve watched survivors proudly declare that they attended therapy, run marathons or even volunteer as advocates.

For survivors who are struggling, DO offer to help find resources. The Rape Abuse Incest National Network (RAINN.org) operates a 24/7 crisis hotline 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) that can help you find local resources. While every survivor ultimately needs take on the healing journey themselves, sometimes having a friend assist you in some of the initial fact finding can be exceptionally healing. By the way, if someone is in immediate danger, call 911.

DO respect boundaries. The survivor’s and your own. At the heart of all abuse – especially sexual – is the loss of power and control. Allowing someone to establish personal boundaries is among the most important and healing elements that supportive friends can offer.

If someone starts to disclose and then decides they’re not ready, let it be OK. You can say something simple like, “Hey, it’s OK. I care that something horrible happened to you. I’m here to listen or help if you change your mind. But that gets to be entirely on your terms, and I respect you.”

The 3 Don’ts for Compassionate Conversations with Sexual Assault Survivors

DON’T launch an investigation or interrogation to see who was really to blame (spoiler alert: the rapist is to blame) or how the survivor may have “contributed” to the situation.

The truth is that rape is a crime that removes the survivor’s right to make choices about their body and behavior. It’s the role of law enforcement to investigate if the survivor so chooses; not yours.

DON’T tell the survivor what they need to do. It’s great to let people know what their options are. And yes, it’s very helpful if someone goes to the hospital to have a forensic exam completed and reports to law enforcement.

But not everyone does.

And healing isn’t necessarily contingent on reporting. Sometimes telling a friend is enough for that person.

Again, let the survivor make the choice.

DON’T take on more than you can handle. I mentioned before that it’s important to respect a survivor’s boundaries; it’s also important to respect your own.

If you don’t feel like you’re the right person to help, or listen – let the person know as nicely as you can and offer to get them in the hands of someone who can. There are professionally trained individuals who are able to handle these tough conversations. Sometimes the best service you can offer is a warm referral to someone else. Again, RAINN.org is a great place to start.

For more resources, consider checking out the following links. These are my go-to’s for my clients and their loved ones, so it’ll give you a solid place to start.

Too Simple?

Sometimes when I share these do’s and don’ts, people are surprised by just how simple they truly are. Sometimes, I think we make supporting each other more complicated by trying to do too much. Or by thinking that being helpful means that we need to be able to provide answers.

Caring about each other shouldn’t be difficult or complicated. And it doesn’t require any firm answers.

Saying, “I believe you,” may not seem like much to offer. But in a culture where rape jokes are still commonplace, offering those 3 words can make all the difference to someone who needs to hear them.

There is an old quote that says, “No one can do everything, but everyone can do something.” The advocate in me is extremely grateful. People are talking.

The culture is changing — even if its slower than we’d ultimately like — the change is noticeable.

That being said, when we start by believing and recognizing the strength of an individual, we put ourselves in the space where we can listen and meet people where they are in that moment.

E.J. is a licensed professional counselor (LPC) practicing in the State of Texas, and Marine wife. Her mission is to teach and inspire survivors of sexual and domestic violence to reclaim their power, find their purpose, and live a healthier, more fulfilling life. She’s the creator of the Sassy Advocate and has spoken on college campuses, in the media, at conferences, and has articles published in print & online. When she’s not working, E.J. enjoys being running, lifting weights, trying new recipes, and reading several books at once.

If your Facebook, Twitter and real-world conversations are anything like mine lately they are all about the presidential election. And you may want to weigh in.

But wait? Isn’t there some law that says that the military community can’t be involved in politics? And that includes military spouses too, right?

Yes and no.

Yes – service members’ activities are restricted when it comes to politics.

No – it doesn’t apply to military spouses.

We know that there is a lot of information out there about what military members can do in relation to politics and we are here to help sort it all out for you.

So what exactly prohibits service members’ political involvement?

Two separate but similar regulations prohibit federal employees and members of the military from engaging in political activity; these are the Hatch Act and Department of Defense Directive (DoDD) 1344.10. The Hatch Act directly applies to federal employees while the DoDD 1344.10 applies to service members, including active duty, National Guard, Reservists, and retirees.

When and why were these regulations adopted?

The Hatch Act was passed in 1939 after allegations that members of the Works Progress Administration used their power as a means of electing democratic candidates to Congress in 1938. The Act was passed to ensure that federal employees are hired and promoted based on merit and not political activities. It also applies to some state, D.C., and local government employees who work with federally funded programs.

The DoDD was most recently updated in 2008 but is similar to the Hatch Act in restrictions and is not meant to curtail service members duties as citizens (e.g. voting) but rather avoid any implication or appearance of “official sponsorship, approval or endorsement,” of a candidate or political stand.

For the purpose of the remainder of this post, we’re going to focus on service members specifically, but if you are a federal employee, check out Office of Special Counsel’s website devoted to the Hatch Act. It offers helpful FAQs for employees to determine what they can and can’t do based on the Act, including recent amendments to the law.

What can service members do?

The directive allows service members as private citizens to engage in the political process – this includes registering to vote, voting, signing nominating petitions and contributing money to a campaign.

Service members can have small bumper stickers on their personal vehicle or property and attend partisan events in civilian clothes.

They can encourage people to be involved in the political process as long as they don’t use their authority to influence people to vote in one way or another. When discussing politics, service members must make it clear that their position is their’s alone, not in any way an endorsement from their service branch.

What can’t service members do?

Service members can’t attend partisan events in uniform or participate in political activities.

By participate we mean work, speak or volunteer at a partisan event.

They can’t publish partisan political articles, letters or other publications; serve in any capacity with a partisan group; fund-raise on behalf of a candidate, political party, or other partisan activity; and display a large political sign on their personal property (including vehicle).

Service members can’t run for public office if they are on active duty for more than 270 days – this in particular is important for National Guard members, Reservists and retirees.

All of the activities (both what you can and can’t do as a service member) includes social media. The Department of Defense has issued guidelines to help clarify how these play out online. The entire language for DoDD 1344.10 is available online here.

I’m a military spouse – does this mean I can’t be involved in politics?

Not at all. Neither the Hatch Act nor the DoDD applies to military spouses that are not federal employees or service members themselves. So as a spouse, you can talk all you want about politics, run for public office and actively participate in partisan activities.

I want to be more involved in politics – what organizations are out there?

We are so glad that you asked! There are a number of organizations designed by and for military spouses who want to be involved in politics.

Homefront Rising trains military spouses to speak up and run for office to change the political conversation in this country. It started as a one-day nonpartisan workshop and quickly involved into an online community encouraging spouses to run for office. Homefront Rising provides spouses with the resources and information needed to pursue roles in political office in local, state and national government. Stay up-to-date with their latest events on their Facebook page.

Keep Your Promise shares articles and information about proposed changes in military benefits. They intend to create a conversation and inform the military community about these issues. Their ultimate goal is a movement to fight against cuts to military benefits. Follow them on Facebook to stay informed.