We LOL a lot in our textual (is that a word? it is now.) conversations, don’t we? We LOL so much that our cheeks must hurt from guffawing through them all day long. Hmmm, yes. Not exactly. I shall break down what we really mean when we tell people how goddamn funny we think they are.

I’m not laughing at all. Like, at all. I’m just saying this cuz I don’t know what else to say and it pretty much comes out automatically at this point. It doesn’t even mean anything. It might as well be a fucking period. Yeah.

You are, without a doubt, the worst person I’ve ever met.

Like, completely insufferable.

I don’t want to use LOL again, or I refuse to use it at all because you and I both know it means nothing at this point, so here. Here’s meaningless acknowledgement of the stupid thing you said.

Which also means nothing.

If we were face to face, I wouldn’t even smile politely in your general direction.

Holy shit. What you just said didn’t make me want to stab out my eyes. I actually began my stream of hahas WITH THE A. I’m so amused I can’t even type out Hahah in the correct formation! I can’t even spell right now! Look, my H’s are running together! You, my friend, are one of the chosen few. (Still not really laughing though, fuckface.)

OK, NOW I’m laughing and you know this because I made sure to actually spell out the words “I’m really laughing,” because any other aforementioned signifier of laughter is a huge fucking lie we are all in on but still use because we are all trying to follow this new breed of societal norm and not be, ya know, straight up assholes, I guess. Congratulations on eliciting a real human reaction that caused my brain to fire a neuron, because I almost forgot what that was in between brainlessly reloading my 500 social streams of data and occasionally clicking “Like” on shit so I know that I’m still alive.