If ever there was a time when we needed fathers to be available to talk to their children, and particularly sons, about the topic of sex, it is now. With all the confusion, heartache and broken lives created by our misuse of sex, particularly among young people, we need a father to explain what this is all about.

Thankfully, on the topic of sex, the Word of God offers the advice of a father to his children. Even if we have no father we can let the Word of God be our father to us and speak to us.

Scripture can do three things a father does even if we have no father:

Warn us

Encourage us

Educate us

“My son,pay attention to my wisdom, turn your ear to my wordsof insight, 2 that you may maintain discretion and your lips may preserve knowledge…For your ways are in full viewof theLord, and he examinesall your paths. 22 The evil deeds of the wicked ensnare them; the cords of their sins hold them fast. 23 For lack of discipline they will die,led astray by their own great folly.” Proverbs 5:1-2; 22-23

Opening Story

Perhaps the most awkward, yet telling, conversation Bob ever had with his father took place when Homer decided to share his version of “the facts of life.” For some reason, Homer chose a car dealership sales lot to have this “father/son” discussion when Bob was in sixth grade. From the very beginning, Bob sensed his mom was behind the whole thing, since his dad was typically quiet and stoic.

A few weeks prior, in front of Bob’s older, teenage sisters, his mom had suddenly blurted out, “Has someone told you about sex yet? Do you know how babies are born?”

“Uh, yeah, sure,” Bob stammered, not wanting to display his total ignorance. His sisters snickered nonetheless. There must have been just enough hesitation in his voice to convey the truth: Bob was all but clueless when it came to sex.

So as brightly colored balloons tied to the antennas of factory fresh cars danced and bobbed in the wind, Homer proceeded to give Bob the Greatest Generation version of sex.

He began by describing the differences in male and female anatomy in the vaguest of terms. The Dow Jones Awkward Index in the car suddenly spiked. Bob knew his Dad didn’t want to be having this conversation. And Bob, for his part, was desperately praying it would mercifully end as quickly as possible. Both knew they were sitting on a conversational dead skunk.

Moving on from Anatomy 101, Bob’s father then decided to warn his twelve-year-old son about the dangers of sex. In the Army, Homer calmly explained, he and his fellow recruits were forced to view “training movies” that depicted the various stages of sexually transmitted diseases. Despite what his father might have been trying to say, in Bob’s mind, the message was clear: sex would lead to certain death.

Homer further illustrated the point by telling Bob that while overseas, the unit with the largest numbers of newly reported cases of STDs was forced to fly a humiliating purple flag with an eight-ball painted on it. It was a banner of shame intended for all the world to see.

With that cheery thought in mind, his father saved the best for last. Without warning, he changed the topic to his own sex life—with Bob’s mother. That was it. Bob knew they had reached the point of no return. He seriously considered bolting the car and running blindly out of the lot, hands over his ears, screaming, “No! No! Please, anyone—tell me it’s not true!”

But somehow, he managed to stay in the car beside Homer, wondering what bombshell he’d drop next. Then his father said something Bob would never forget, “And men and women both derive much pleasure from doing this.”

Suddenly, the fifty-five-gallon drum of awkwardness in the car began to drain away. “Wait a minute,” Bob thought as he slowly absorbed the full import of his father’s statement. “My parents actually enjoy doing this together.” Bob’s emotions shifted from fear and dismay to assurance and comfort. “Maybe they really do love each other,” he thought. “Maybe they are happier with each other than I ever realized.”

Despite Homer’s unconventional, inelegant, and convoluted journey to the truth, he had nonetheless arrived where Scripture would have him go. Despite his generation’s legendary embarrassment regarding the topic of sex, he had described for his son, in one sentence, the beauty, power, and joy of the Ecstatic Heart. It was a gift that Bob treasures to this day.

III. The Six Hearts of Intimacy Presented by Scripture

Again, the Word of God can be a father to the fatherless. And when it comes to sex it tells us that the heart – where we give and receive love – is the most important thing about sex we will ever understand. And Scripture presents six hearts that are vital to our enjoying God’s gift of sex for a lifetime:

The Romantic Heart

Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits. I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride: I have gathered my myrrh and my spice.…I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey; I have drunk my wine and my milk. —Song 4:16, 5:1

If you create the right atmosphere for sex, then you create the desire for sex.

The Worshipping Heart

But for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and become one flesh. This is a profound mystery but I am talking about Christ and the church. —Ephesians 5:31–32

The Worshipping Heart gives and receives love by rejoicing in God’s holy presence in sexual intimacy as a couple offers one another sacrificial love and extraordinary honor.

If the God who created us is holy, then you can enjoy His gift of sex as holy.

The Companion Heart

Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib He had taken out of the man, and He brought her to the man.The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh. —Genesis 2:22–24

If you live life as close friends, then sex will only deepen your bond.

The Giving Heart

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Corinthians 7:3–5The Giving Heart gives and receives love by joyfully providing for their spouse’s sexual needs and offering themselves in loving surrender.

If it’s true giving is better than receiving, then offer sex freely, frequently, and generously.

The Ecstatic Heart

Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares?Let them be yours alone never to be shared with strangers.May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.Why, my son, be intoxicated with another man’s wife? Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman? —Proverbs 5:15–20

The Ecstatic Heart gives and receives love by reveling in the exquisite pleasure of sharing the sexual act with their life-long spouse.

If shared pleasures are the best pleasures, then mutually rejoice in the delights of sex.

The Guardian Heart

You cry out, “Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?”…Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows. Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. —Malachi 2:14–15

The Guardian Heart gives and receives love by keeping vows of faithfulness, protecting oneness, and drawing future generations to God through sexual integrity.

If good fences make for good neighbors, then great hedges make for great sex.[Q2]

Please join us for an In-Town Retreat.

This time for single adults. (One table for married couples.)

Session 1: The heart is the heart of all relationships.Session 2: How pain and sin can damage our hearts.Session 3: Conducting our own personal heart exam.Session 4: Writing your heart’s autobiography.Session 5: Who damaged your heart and how did it happen?Session 6: What is your core pain?Session 7: The importance of forgiving those who hurt you.Session 8: Resolving our pride, moral failure and other spiritual issues.Session 9: Drawing a roadmap for Bible-centered healing prayer.Session 10: Using the Biblical Counseling Personal Evaluation for tough issues.Session 11: A day by day plan to continue healing for the heart.

It’s both training for some and a personal retreat.

Tues. – Fri. evenings, December 12-15

Sat. morning, December 16.

Simple Complimentary Festive Dinner weekday evenings

Saturday morning pre-class Christmas brunch provided.

To Register for this Event:
Please fill out the form below, and indicate how many people are attending in the “message” area.

Meadows Christian Fellowship, 2401 Kirchoff Rd, Rolling Meadows, IL 60008
Use the main church doors for this event. Conference will in the International Chapel room.

Scripture based, humor-filled, and story-driven! This life-changing conference walks couples through the process of liberation that sets them free to embrace all that God intended for their marriage.

Four sessions

Building Emotional Intimacy

Staying Close for a Lifetime

Seven Secrets to a Great Sex Life

Q and A

For Keeps Marriage Conference with Bob Moeller is about the heart because the heart is the heart of every relationship. It’s also about hope – hope for couples who have watched their marriages go from a love affair to a daily drudgery, or even worse. But it isn’t a conference just for marriages on the brink. It is for any couple who desires to renew their love and commitment to their marriage. Hope, love, grace, a fresh start, a second chance – these are the essential elements of renewing a marriage when the going gets tough. Bob Moeller shows couples how to resolve their marriage relationships by softening their hearts toward one another. Bob and Cheryl have been married nearly 38 years and are the parents of 6 children with 5 grandchildren.

No admission charged. A Love offering will be taken for For Keeps Ministries.

You have been gone five years from my life now. I must tell you that each and every day of my life I miss you so much. I keep a picture of you as a five year old boy on my desk. I have another of the last time we were together. I still see that patient, kind and always grateful expression on your face that characterized your 87 years on this earth.

Your lack of complaining, your deep gratitude and constant thanksgiving to God for the life He gave you, and the focus you had on serving others amazed me then and continues to inspire me to this day.

For Dad yours was not an easy life. You were born in a sod house on the windswept plains of North Dakota, you nearly died of diphtheria when you were less than three months old, you grew up in the grinding poverty of the Great Depression and the suffocating Dust bowl storms that buried the land in silt, you lost your godly mother to rheumatic fever when you were just 17 and at her graveside you pledged never to do anything to dishonor her memory, then just a few years later you watched as other planes exploded in flames right next out your window as you piloted your heavy bomber over the wicked anti-aircraft fire of Nazi Germany, you then returned home from the war only to learn you had lost your share of the farm to a cynical relative, you went on to build your first home for our family from a house you bought and literally pulled out of a river after a flood swept through the town, later you no doubt felt helpless as your youngest daughter struggled with a childhood disease for four long years that nearly took her life, later you sold shoes at a department store and pumped gas during summer months so you could support us and put yourself through school for an advanced degree…

And the list goes on…no Dad, yours was not an easy life.

Dad despite all this I never once heard you complain, feel sorry for yourself or blame God for all your hardships. Instead you took us all to church each and every Sunday, handed out bulletins faithfully an usher for decades on end, read devotions at the supper table, welcomed an array of missionaries and pastors to our home, and served our church whenever, however and for as long as they asked you to.

Even though you struggled to raise a family of four children on a modest teacher’s salary (and salaries were very modest in those days) you chose to take in a foster child in need of a home. He stayed with us for the rest of his growing up years and he went on to become a youth pastor that is still serving kids even to this day.

When I told you I felt called to the ministry as a senior in high school you supported that decision every step of the way. You helped pay so I could go to a Christian college, you gave me a car to go to a seminary some 800 miles away, you came to all my graduations, my ordination and you visited every one of the churches I ever served.

When Mom suffered a stroke and was about to die after 55 years of marriage, you took me aside in the hospital and said, “Son, loving someone means there is a time to hold on, and love means there is a time to let go.”

So on this Father’s Day Dad I say thank you for showing me how a man of integrity should live, for modeling that it is better to give than to receive, and for loving my Mom, we five children and later on our spouses and our children, and most of all for loving Jesus.

I shall never forget one of the last days you and I spent together on earth. It was at the Holy Land Experience in Florida. You sat in a wheelchair as you, my brother and I watched their version of the Passion Play. And when they hung Jesus on the Cross and He cried out “It is finished…” I looked over and saw the tears running down your face. That said it all to me.

And when you unexpectedly died one evening a few months later living in another state, my heart was broken. I had suddenly lost my life-long friend, my example and my earthly father. Yet even that night I knew you and Mom were together again…and after your 70 long years of patiently waiting and believing, you were now reunited with your own sweet mother once again as well. For that I could only rejoice.

Dad I’ll admit there are so many days I wish I could pick up the phone and ask you what to do. But at times like that I look over at the picture of you on my desk and somehow I know what you would do — and therefore what I must do.

I look forward to seeing you again, more so with each year that passes. Until then thank you for leaving me and the others in our family an example of a life well lived. By the way, you’d be pleased to know that just the other day one of my own grown sons told me when he has a boy he’s going to name him after you — Homer.

Dad we all miss you but as 1 Thessalonians chapter 4 promises, we shall meet again and this time never to separate again. Until then thank you for everything. Love, your son. Bob

Morning Show Notes

Why Father’s Day can be hard for many people including yourself…

Your father is now gone (and you loved him very much) – never got to say goodbye.

Your father is in failing health or doesn’t know you any longer.

Your father and you are estranged from one another.

You father left or abandoned your family when growing up.

Your never knew your father (and the man living in your home doesn’t like you and vice-versa).

What are some key ways to begin healing…or at least cope…

With a death…Live in the hope of being reunited found in 1Thessalonians 4:13-18

13 Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. 14 For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. 15 According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16 For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. 18 Therefore encourage one another with these words.

With unresolved issues…live in the complete acceptance of who you are found in Matthew 3:16-17

16 As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. 17 And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”

With abandonment…live in the certainty God wanted you found in Psalm 139: 13-18

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.

With sexual abuse…live in the promise of the healing of your heart found in Isaiah 61:1-6

61 The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a] 2 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn,3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. 4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations. 5 Strangers will shepherd your flocks;
foreigners will work your fields and vineyards. 6 And you will be called priests of the Lord, you will be named ministers of our God.

With verbal/emotional abuse…live in the freedom of God’s bigger plan for your life of Genesis 45:1-7

Then Joseph could no longer control himself before all his attendants, and he cried out, “Have everyone leave my presence!” So there was no one with Joseph when he made himself known to his brothers. 2 And he wept so loudly that the Egyptians heard him, and Pharaoh’s household heard about it.

3 Joseph said to his brothers, “I am Joseph! Is my father still living?” But his brothers were not able to answer him, because they were terrified at his presence.

4 Then Joseph said to his brothers, “Come close to me.” When they had done so, he said, “I am your brother Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt! 5 And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. 6 For two years now there has been famine in the land, and for the next five years there will be no plowing and reaping.7 But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance.[a]

With disconnection…live in the prayerful expectancy of the fulfillment of Malachi 4: 5-6

5 “Behold, I am going to send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and terrible day of the Lord. 6 He will [e]restore the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers, so that I will not come and smite the land with a [f]curse.”

0 You are witnesses, and so is God, of how holy, righteous and blameless we were among you who believed. 11 For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children,12 encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.

Mom’s Advice to their Children…

Honor your father…

12 “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you. Exodus 20:12

Obey your father…

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Ephesians 6:1-2

Respect your father…

8 If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. 9 Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spiritsand live! 10 They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. Hebrews 8:10-12

Love your father…

Joseph threw himself on his father and wept over him and kissed him. 2 Then Joseph directed the physicians in his service to embalm his father Israel. So the physicians embalmed him, 3 taking a full forty days, for that was the time required for embalming. And the Egyptians mourned for him seventy days. (Genesis 50:1-3)

Are you willing to pray for others in need of God’s healing grace in their lives?

Training to Heal the Heart Through Prayer is a three day conference on the power of God’s grace to heal the broken areas of our hearts. You will learn how to soften your heart toward God and others, how to minister God’s healing grace to others, and how to walk with others from a place of emotional hurt to wholeness.

Monday through Wednesda, August 15 to 17, 2016, 10:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m.

Are you willing to pray for others in need of God’s healing grace in their lives?

Training to Heal the Heart Through Prayer is a three day conference on the power of God’s grace to heal the broken areas of our hearts. You will learn how to soften your heart toward God and others, how to minister God’s healing grace to others, and how to walk with others from a place of emotional hurt to wholeness.

How did you work out the conflict in marriage over a parenting or financial or health or other issue?
When you’re on a different page than your spouse…

What are some important biblical principles of parenting?

For children to prosper there must be oneness in the marriage (Malachi 2:15)

Teaching our children to love God with all their hearts is our first and foremost
responsibility as parents(Deuteronomy 6:4)

The prayer of Jesus is for all believers to come to unity (this particularly has application to
believing parents — John 15:23)

For peace in our family and with our children to occur we must it must be sought and
pursued (it is not going to happen all by itself — 1 Peter 3:8-12)

We know we will have found the right solution when it seems good to the Holy Spirit and to
both of us (we should not stop working on the matter until we find this agreement — Acts
15:28).

So how does this apply to parenting issues?

Spouses should seek harmony in their parenting not necessarily unison (we aren’t always
going to see things exactly alike yet we can always find solutions that work for all of us).

We need to decide if the parenting issue dividing us fits into the category of:

A: A moral absolute (no question as to what the Bible teaches);

A faith conviction (a strongly held belief that sincere Christians may legitimately
disagree over in Scripture); or

A family or cultural preference (something you were taught to do growing up but is not a
clearly taught Scriptural moral or spiritual issue).

Therefore depending on the nature of the issue:

If it’s an absolute it requires parental unity (a united front);

If it’s a non-essential it allows for liberty (freedom to disagree and to work out a mutually acceptable solution);

If it’s simply a preference we particularly need to practice charity (humbly and lovingly allow for a different outcome than what we might prefer for the sake of peace).

(We need to remember rules without relationships produces rebellion.)

How can we make peace with our spouse on parenting issues?

Define the issue(s) and separate that issue from the person.

Decide if you as a parent are leaning more toward trying to uphold a goal or preserve
the relationship (usually one parents leans more one way than the other).

List all the various possible solution to the problem (don’t critique at this point).

. Keep co-laboring at it until you find a solution that preserves both your goals and
relationships (a win-win).

Then support what you both helped to create.

What if your spouse is not a believer and you are (or you are divorced)?

Follow the steps above of peacemaking to see if you can come to a mutually agreeable solution (it’s better for your children to see you in agreement than division).

As a believer determine if the issue to you is a biblical absolute, a faith conviction or a personal preference.

Explain your position on the issue and its importance without judging your partner.

Even if you disagree find as much agreement as possible between you.

If it comes down to a matter of a moral absolute you need to be willing to act on your
own even without your partner’s consent.

If it’s a faith conviction make your case to your spouse, pray that God will change their
heart but realize that ultimately you may not prevail or you may only have your way
when that child is in your custody or care.

If it’s merely a personal preference share your feelings but be willing to let it go.

Finally, ask God to give you His peace if it’s something you cannot change, courage if you can change it, and the discernment to know the difference.

For children to prosper there must be oneness in the marriage (Malachi 2:15)

Teaching our children to love God with all their hearts is our first and foremost
responsibility as parents(Deuteronomy 6:4)

The prayer of Jesus is for all believers to come to unity (this particularly has application to
believing parents — John 15:23)

For peace in our family and with our children to occur we must it must be sought and
pursued (it is not going to happen all by itself — 1 Peter 3:8-12)

We know we will have found the right solution when it seems good to the Holy Spirit and to
both of us (we should not stop working on the matter until we find this agreement — Acts
15:28).

So how does this apply to parenting issues?

Spouses should seek harmony in their parenting not necessarily unison (we aren’t always
going to see thingsexactly alike yet we can always find solutions that work for all of us).

We need to decide if the parenting issue dividing us fits into the category of:

A: A moral absolute (no question as to what the Bible teaches);

A faith conviction (a strongly held belief that sincere Christians may legitimately
disagree over in Scripture); or

A family or cultural preference (something you were taught to do growing up but is not a
clearly taught Scriptural moral or spiritual issue).

Therefore depending on the nature of the issue:

If it’s an absolute it requires parental unity (a united front);

If it’s a non-essential it allows for liberty (freedom to disagree and to work out a mutually acceptable solution);

If it’s simply a preference we particularly need to practice charity (humbly and lovingly allow for a different outcome than what we might prefer for the sake of peace).

(We need to remember rules without relationships produces rebellion.)

How can we make peace with our spouse on parenting issues?

Define the issue(s) and separate that issue from the person.

Decide if you as a parent are leaning more toward trying to uphold a goal or preserve
the relationship (usually one parents leans more one way than the other).

List all the various possible solution to the problem (don’t critique at this point).

. Keep co-laboring at it until you find a solution that preserves both your goals and
relationships (a win-win).

Then support what you both helped to create.

What if your spouse is not a believer and you are (or you are divorced)?

Follow the steps above of peacemaking to see if you can come to a mutually agreeable solution (it’s better for your children to see you in agreement than division).

As a believer determine if the issue to you is a biblical absolute, a faith conviction or a personal preference.

Explain your position on the issue and its importance without judging your partner.

Even if you disagree find as much agreement as possible between you.

If it comes down to a matter of a moral absolute you need to be willing to act on your
own even without your partner’s consent.

If it’s a faith conviction make your case to your spouse, pray that God will change their
heart but realize that ultimately you may not prevail or you may only have your way
when that child is in your custody or care.

If it’s merely a personal preference share your feelings but be willing to let it go.

Finally, ask God to give you His peace if it’s something you cannot change, courage if you can change it, and the discernment to know the difference.