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Thursday, 20 September 2012

"Manners Maketh Man" ....

When I was growing up (and I suspect this was the case with many of you), good manners and respect were very much the order of the day. Another phrase my mum used to use quite often was that "cleanliness was next to Godliness!"

I can still remember very clearly indeed, an incident which happened when I was fairly young - around six or seven I would guess.

I had a very favourite aunty (my dad's sister) who was called Aunty Gussie, which was short for Augusta. My dad's mum was also called Augusta. I should point out here that daughter number 1 has never really forgiven me for giving her Augusta as her second name. For me, it was the obvious thing to do, because both my aunty and my nan had given me so much love and time whilst I was growing up, and they held a very special place in my heart, as I know that I did in theirs.

Anyway, I digress! As I have already mentioned, when I was around six or seven, Aunty Gussie had just returned from a holiday and came around to visit us. I immediately asked her if she had brought me back a present! Well, as you can imagine, my poor, dear mum was absolutely mortified and I was told in no uncertain terms that I must never, ever ask people if they had anything for me.

Sometimes on Facebook (and I do love Facebook) and Twitter, or other social media sites, when I read what people have written, often about other people, I wonder about their good manners or, indeed, if they have any manners at all.

On a slightly different tack, Eli is now at school full time this week and he is really loviong it. He doesn't seem tired at all when he gets home, which I thought would be the case.

Anyway, you can tell that he's now at school, because a couple of days ago, he said to his mummy that "he wasn't going to be her friend anymore!" Now Eli had quite a close little friend at pre-school, called Riley. Anyway, since he has started 'big' school, his best friend seems to be Samuel, who wasn't at his pre-school. His mummy was pleased that he was starting to make new friends.

Now I know that Eli is only 4 years and 2 months, but I was very proud of his mummy yesterday (daughter number 2). She asked Eli whether he had played with Riley as well, whereupon he informed her that Riley wasn't his friend anymore, as he was now friends with Samuel. This really upset my daughter, so she sat Eli down and tried to explain to him that it wasn't nice to exclude Riley, and how would he feel if Riley met a new friend and didn't want to play with him any more.

I know it's what happens when they start school, and that little ones can often be cruel, but I personally thought that it was really good that my daughter was taking the time to explain that it wasn't nice to say that you weren't someone's friend, and to not let them play with you. She said to explain to Samuel that Riley was his friend as well!

Like me, my daughters can't bear meanness and unkindness in people, and I know that Eli and Ruby will always be brought up to be kind, and to care about others, just as Eleanor, my eldest granddaughter, was brought up to do.

Thank you for reading my post today, and I send kindness and caring thoughts to you all!

20 comments:

Good Morning Diane! I truly enjoyed this post and appreciate people like you who value kindness, manners and respect. There was an ongoing debate in our household growing up about whether respect had to be earned or whether we had a right to expect it as a given. My father was in the "you must earn my respect" camp, and even when my trust and privacy were violated, because I was a minor, the respect did not go both ways. A hard lesson to learn, but I expect parents just want to be protective and insure against the pitfalls of adolescent choices. But kindness and manners were expected of us, even when we were having an off day. I appreciate these teachings from my early life; they have helped me as an adult to be successful even when I might not have the best skills or the right connections.

Oh, I am so with you! Manners were a really big deal when I was growing up, and I've stressed them to my kids, as well.

I, too, am often really amazed at what people put on FB. I try to keep it positive and/or pleasant, because that's what I like to read, but I can tell there are a number of folks who don't hold to that. I'm glad to find people like you who do.

Good for your daughter, and good for little Eli! Is Ruby terribly lonely without him at home as much?

Hallo, dear Thisisme! My mother was a devoted follower of Ask Ann Landers and Dear Abby, the syndicated advice columns that ran in the newspapers for decades. She often read them to me and we discussed the issues they explored. As the years passed those columns faded in popularity. People stopped asking advice about proper manners and etiquette because it became cool not to care about such trivial concerns. Today we are paying the price for relaxing so many of our standards. I applaud you and your daughters for taking an active role in shaping Eli's and Ruby's attitudes toward others. Now's the time to do it, not when they're teenagers and set in their ways. I know they and Eleanor will become outstanding citizens of the world because of your conscientious parenting and that of your daughters. It's wonderful to hear from you, dear Thisisme. Enjoy your evening in England, my special friend!

hello i agree grandma always told us if we can't say something nice don't say anything I think manners are important to use no matter the situation. as for your daughter she is amazing and I love how she explained thing to Eli well done

I am of the thought "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." It is a big reason why I chose not to talk to some people in internet land because I am afraid if I opened my mouth [or let my fingers go] they wouldn't like what I had to say.

The problem with Facebook and such is that people will post something that hurts another person's feelings but use the excuses of 1."I was ONLY being honest" or 2."Well, that's MY opinion." Goody two shoes for you mean person, but honesty isn't always the best policy, it can hurt in an open forum and some people should keep their opinions to themselves, especially on the internet where tones of voice and their face can't be heard or seen, as in real life.

[I am full of sayings today] but we teach the kids and try to uphold the example for them of "Treat others as you would want to be treated." If you yourself have good manners it isn't even a matter of teaching the kids really - they learn by example. Your daughter and Eli being an excellent example, eh?

The one thing my kids always got was that it isn't how pretty your outside is, but how beautiful a person is inside. And I appreciate that they have understood that for as long as they have been out in society.

And please tell Miss XX Augusta what Wallene's name is. We choose the old fashioned names because we love the people they belonged too. Wallene [and Squirrel's middle name for that matter] are both of my paternal Grandma's because she was so important and loving to me. I hope they get to be like her too.

Dear Diane, I am with you sister! A saying said to me when I was growing up was that "good manners never cost anything."

Thank you for sharing the story about Eli. It's a good lesson for the young and old. I often wonder about the world today and ask myself, "Where has the love gone?"

You and your daughter are such wonderful mum's. You're so loving and caring - I know, because you spread oodles of love and kindness with your heartfelt comments on my blog.

Little one's can't learn if their not given the time of day, or if they don't see others showing love and compassion in society.

It does make my heart sad when parents don't spend time with their child/ren, teaching them. Those who don't, really don't know what they're missing out on. Such tender moments that you can't get back.

When you wake up, I hope you have a day filled with love that will put an extra spring in your step.

You are so right. It seems that manners are a thing of the past at times. I love that your daughter took the time to teacher her son some manners and even more importantly, she was teaching him social skills and life skills. So often we see kids in school who just have no social skills at all. it is so sad.

I totally agree on the manners thing. What I don't understand is how some people can be super nice one day and take your head off the next. DO they think nobody remembers ow they acted the day before? Sometimes I just feel like telling them, then I think I better just leave them be, they're the ones whoa re miserable.

I so heartily agree! Some seem to think that manners are a sign of weakness. I'd like to politely smack them. ;-)

Seriously, here in the States, politics has caused such ugliness it worries me. I don't mind someone supporting a candidate that isn't my choice, but saying on Facebook , blogs, etc that anyone who votes or worships differently is stupid and wrong (often with expletives) isn't easily forgotten.

It should be as simple as the Golden Rule, shouldn't it? Blessings to you and your family. You're doing it right!

I agree there should be more kindness in the world and think it was great of your daughter to sit him down and explain about kindness.

My daughter Jessica will often say to Leo how would he like it if his friends got mad and hit him becuase he wasn't listening to them, which is what he will say when he gets in a mood and hits his friends.....

Manners are so important and I like that I see my daughters trying hard to teach their children good manners and now get it, when they were little they of course didn't get it....

I like the one that goes, "Pretty is as pretty does." Hubby and I are considering giving lessons in manners to our son's current girl friend. Like, learning to say thank you when we feed her, host her overnight, and such. How do you think THAT will go over????? How do people get to be over 20 and still not know any social etiquette? Rosemary

I think a cultured society is where you see those qualities ! Unfortunately, in ours, people have no sense of respect to each other! They do not queue while driving, drive through when the pdestrian is red light, throw rubbish everywhere, park their cars anywhere they like!

Wonderful post Thsisme. And, yes, there are plenty of mannerless folks who should read this, and take heed. You're right about facebook, some people are pretty careless about what they post. Your daughters are as wise as you are...you taught them well! It's hard sometimes for the little ones to realize that they can have more than one friend, and, include them in play too. It was so good to see you here today. Have a wonderful Sunday!♥

I appreciate this post, and agree that manners make life run more smoothly and are tied to kindness. Hold the door open for the man behind you, thank a store clerk. As you said, manners cost nothing. I am big on writing thank you notes for gifts, and instilled that in our children.