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Author
Topic: worried.. need reassurance. (Read 3237 times)

I had posted about 2 yrs ago, becuase of what I thought was a risky encounter and everyone here was so caring and loving, that it really helped me get through that horrible period of worrying.

Anyways, I'm back, and stupid as ever

I'm a 24/m and basically this is what happened. I hadn't had sex in over 2 years, and lets just say i was getting a bit frustrated. So one night, after having a few too many drinks, one of my friends decided to take me to a brothel here in India. Now, I do not know what I was thinking, but I went in anyways.

I wore one condom, and proceeded to receive oral from the prostitue, after which she put on another condom over the existing one and we had intercourse.. for maybe 10 mins or so.. i kept pulling out to check if it was broken coz i was very paranoid.. eventually i decided to stop, and she took off one of the condoms, and gave me oral after which i "manually" jerked myself off while the condom was still on. I then took it off, washed up quickly and went home.

Now, as far as I know, there was definitely no breakage.. but I have always known that 2 condoms is risky coz they can easily break because of the friction.. but as far as I know, neither of them broke.

The other problem i have, is I have panic attacks/anxiety, so I am really worried about this. I conjure up all the horrific thoughts, thinking that maybe there were minute pore like holes caused by the friction of the 2 condoms.. which could lead to an infection. It was a stupid thing to do, but now i'm living in a worried well. All my friends say, that I wore a condom, so I was protected.. but I'm worried about that maybe there were small holes, or if some fluids seeped in through the ring somehow..

Anyways, that's what happened.. and I know in my mind I should be ok, but am still worried since I put myself at risk. Either that, or the 2 condoms actually gave me 2x protection? I am cirumsized as well, which I hear reduces risk. It's been almost 2 1/2 weeks since the incident. I don't really feel symptoms, but since i worry a lot, i get scared that i might feel a flu coming on and then it's a downward spiral from there! Hypochondriacs should not go to prostitutes!!

Relax, you didn't have a risk. It is true that two condoms used at the same time will increase the risk of breakage, but yours didn't. When a condom breaks it is very obvious. Forget about tiny holes, it doesn't happen. Think of popping a balloon - a broken condom is similar. It's very obvious.

Please read through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

You didn't have a risk and you do not need to test over this specific incident.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

however, she put the condom on me, so I was assuming she knew what she was doing. I've had condoms break on me before (the reason for my freak out 2 yrs ago) so I know what it feels like..

So, you sure i'm ok? I just need to let this one go... it's not doing me any good. Also, I got into a bad car accident 2 nights ago (thankfully no one was injured) and i'm still shaken up from that.. so the stress of that plus this is enough to already have this year off to a bad start for me! It sucks being scared.

I just want to be happy again, without worrying about this. And Ann, people like you and others on this forum really help put me at ease. I know it is annoying to keep repeating things over again, but reassurances do a world of good.

You weren't at risk for HIV in this situation other than the potential for doubling condoms to cause breakage. Avoid that in the future if you choose to have intercourse. A single latex condom will provide very effective protection against HIV transmission.

Also to be avoided is having casual sex when you have been drinking excessively. It's a dangerous combination that clouds your ability to think clearly about safer sex.

Sexuality is a natural part of life. You can enjoy it when you like and with whomever you choose to be with. Just always do it the safer way, which means a condom everytime when having intercourse.

If you find you are still anxious about this incident and about sex in general then I suggest you see a therapist or other professional to talk about the emotional aspects of your concerns. Life is too short at best to spend worrying unnecessarily.

I'm sure you are fine. As we have said, a broken condom is obvious and you would have known if they had broken. You were protected, no doubt in my mind.

Instead of thinking this year is getting off on a bad start, why not flip that around? You had protected intercourse and the condom did not break. That's good news. You were in a serious car accident, but escaped unhurt - that's excellent news! Your year has gotten off to a very lucky start.

You did not have a risk. Keep using those condoms correctly every time, and you will continue to avoid hiv infection.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

So i've been trying to deal with things since the incident and I was doing ok.. uptil now... it's been about 4 weeks since the incident and i've come down with a cold.. sore throat.. stuffy nose.. and it's freaking me out. I had my fingers crossed since the incident hoping i don't fall sick for at least a couple of months so i could rule out ARS.. but now i am really worried.. can these ARS show up almost exactly one month after the incident or is it like 2 weeks after the incident?

i know i was wearing a condom.. geez i was even wearing 2 without any breakage.. but i can't help but think some secretions might have crept in through the sides of the condom or something.. it's just freaking me out now with this cold i've got...

Creeping, shmeeping. If your condoms have failed in any way you would have known it. When they break it's not a subtle event like a teeny tiny hole or fluids somehow slipping down into the condom.

That's just stuff your head is coming up with. You were protected. And you also seem to have gotten a cold or something like it. The condom still protected you.

Right now your mind seems to be going to town about everything that happens or doesn't happen to you physically as yet another SIGN of HIV. Of course there's no basis in HIV science, but fears don't pay attention to that.

Fears are feelings. They aren't facts. Wearing a condom during intercourse is a fact. They do a very effective job of providing protection against HIV.

If your symptoms persist you should discuss them with your doctor. And if you can't let go of this unwarranted fear then get an HIV test at 13 weeks and collect the inevitable negative result.

This is not an HIV situation no matter what your head is telling you otherwise. Really.

It's just that it's been about 4 weeks (or a month) since the incident, and when I got a sore throat and had that icky sick feeling.. plus tiredness it just made me feel a lot worse.. thinking it could be HIV related. And lots of people said their symptoms were very mild, if any. My cold like symptoms have pretty much gone now.. it was only prevelant for a day pretty much.. and I hope they didn't mean anything. And i know symptoms don't mean anything, but the timing and coincidence of it is really freaking me out.

Although, I remember at one point during the intercourse I pulled out to check the state of the condom, and the ring had slipped almost halfway down my penis shaft. Does this in any way deter it's effectiveness? Or am i safe?

Also, lastly, thanks for all your help and i'm sorry to keep banging on about this. As you said, it's all from fear. But right now i'm really far away from home in a new town with no one to talk to.. my psych is back home, so in the meantime this really helps.. so thanks for bearing with this WW.

the people that DO experience symptoms... are they consistent? What I mean is, do people get fever as well as soreness fatigue and diarrhea all at once? Because, I have a cold.. stuffy nose.. sore throat.. tiredness.. but no real fever (i had some night sweats and felt a bit warm but dont think it was a high fever) and i havent felt any diarrhea, swollen glands or soreness.. So, if it were indeed ars, would I have felt all of the symptoms at once instead of just one or two?

the only reason it's freaking me out is because is happened bang right after 4 weeks. I'm really scared..

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Thanks for the reply. The cold isn't what worries me.. HIV is what is worrying me... my cold symptoms seems to have gone.. and i feel better now.

But i'm still really scared.. i read somewhere that over 50% of sex workers in India are poz.. which is a scary statistic.. plus i was reading through some of the forums here and there were people who claimed to have used protection and were still infected.

Thing that worries me is.. i remember i went kind of soft during intercourse, and she gave me oral to make me erect again.. but while i was soft i am worried the condom might not have been effective as it would have been looser around my penis.

Thing is... i'm really scared to get tested.. and even if i were to get tested i would still have to wait another 8 weeks.. and i just can't seem to get my head around it.. i have buddies of mine who visit the same brothels multiple times and always use condoms and dont worry about it.. and here I am in the same situation but totally freaked out. I know it's all guilt, fear and anxiety.. and you guys have helped a lot and there's nothing you can say that hasn't already been said. But i just want to get over this and move on with my life.

Your reassurances and positive vibes help a lot.. please keep them coming.

Thanks for all the good vibes you guys have been sending me. It is all irrationality based in fear and guilt.. i am feeling better now by telling myself I played it as safe as i possibly could have.. (well i could have been safer by using only one condom instead of two, but since neither broke.. its all good)

I just wanted to say that this site is a godsend, and all of you guys.. Ann, Andy.. everyone.. have been really helpful to me.

I'm gonna try and move on and block this out.. coz as you guys said.. no risk.. but sometimes fear can be like a deep and warm cave that once you're in you don't want to come out of!

So, I'm going to try my best to move on and forget.. but if i do relapse and come back.. i know you guys are there to support me.. which means the world to me.