Schlanger and Vyala emerge into the dry, sun-blasted atmosphere of Mogron-4, a small planet in a fringe system far from any major galactic civilizations.

Schlanger: Well, that went terribly. Damn, now I want to fuck something. Or shoot something. Or both.Vyala: Yes, sir.

A Space Fucker grunt rushes towards the commander.

SF: Commander, look out!

SF: Urgh!Schlanger: What the fuck??

Gunshots and laser blasts rip through the facility. The battle is not yet over!Schlanger: Well, shit.

Meanwhile, a marauding band of raiders hears the chaos and is drawn in to investigate.Hot Shot Harry: Now's our chance, boys! Let's get in there while those damn mercs are busy and steal anything not bolted down!Secret Faction 1 activated: Mogron Raiders!

Another group also comes to see what all the fuss is about. It's a squad of space orks, the only species in the galaxy more universally hated than peaches. The enmity between the two races is legendary.Warlord Garhoff: I'm tired of these peaches looking down on us! Let's get 'em!Orks: YAAAAAGGGHHHHSecret Faction 2 activated: Space Orks!

Overwatches:

The Peach base is defended by an electrified fence which can be deactivated by the controls inside, near the entrance to the facility.

Space Fuckers, you have new troops! You have one flying fucker with a GlobLobber plasma grenade launcher, three elite fuckers with MagnumX laser cannons, two grunt fuckers, and a Fire Fucker with a flamethrower. Your extraction is incoming but you'll have to survive until then.

Peach Mercs, you have new troops! You have two shotgun mercs, three skirmishers up on the helipad, four assault rifle mercs, and one medibot. Your objective remains to destroy the Space Fuckers

Space orks, your hero is Garhoff the warlord, who is wearing heavy armor and dual-wielding OTCs. You also have two heavy orks with OTC staffs and three assault orks with carbine rifles. Your objective is to kill peaches.

Mogron raiders, your hero is Hot Shot Harry with his signature Laser Crossbow. You have one apache hatchetmaster, one Heavy with gatling gun, two grenadiers with TNT packs, and three raiders with assorted weaponry. Your objective is to steal as much weapons, equipment, and valuables as possible before escaping.

Cyborgs, Korgo and his guys are still inside the facility harvesting genetik material, but if you want to keep playing they can come out and hunt for more victims. Let me know what you want to do.

Send in orders for turn 5! Deadline is midnight on Saturday the 21st!

Last edited by sahasrahla on Thu Oct 19, 2017 5:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

He fires, but has forgotten that lasers are a light-based weapon, which has no effect on the electrical systems [Feat Failed]

The rest of the raiders advance. Those who are in range open fire on the peach trooper, but they all critfail, lol

Peach Mercs:

The trooper fires back, killing a raider

The two shotgun guys were supposed to take cover "between the helipad and the wall", but there really isn't any cover there, so they take up positions right beside the gate

These guys take cover and open fire on the Space Fuckers

The fire fucker goes down

The guys on the helipad shoot at the flying fucker and miss, but the third trooper takes out an elite fucker

Space Fuckers:

The flying fucker critfails his attack, and the grenade launcher blows up in his face

Somehow he miraculously survives both the explosion and his crash landing, but one of the peach troopers is not so lucky. another is knocked back and disrupted. the flying fucker is also, of course, very disrupted (not to mention weaponless)

another elite fucker joins his comrade on the platform and vaporizes a peach trooper with his Magnum-X cannon

Vyala and two grunt fuckers advance and attack the peach troopers under the helipad

One bites the bullet

Commander Schlanger powers up his chain sword. It throbs, engorged, glistening, ready to penetrate the fragile anuses of his enemies [Feat Successful]

He advances but can't quite get close enough to thrust into anyone

Space Orks: (NPC'd due to lack of orders)

Garhoff makes a mighty leap, crossing the dusty plain in a single bound [Feat Successful]

He strikes the gate with his twin OTCs...

They crumble before their unstoppable might

This provokes response fire from the waiting shotgun troopers, who blast off one of his HP. he has 2 remaining

The ork heavies all sprint and get basically the same roll. the assault orks move up with them and blast the shotgun trooper

He dies in a hail of bullets

Captain Maya: Barely escaped those traitorous cyborgs. I'll show them what happens to anyone who thinks they can double cross me!The peach hero has returned to the field, accompanied by a rocket heavy and a shotgun heavy!

Dr. Korgo: Where did dhat delicious young voman go? She would make de most wunderful experimental subyect...!Dr. Korgo and his cyborg troops have reentered the battle, hungry for genetik material!

Awesome battle! Is there any chance you could give us a breakdown of the healbot's gun though, I'm curious how the orange stud connects to the base of the gun. Also, sorry, but I'm probably going to steal the design of the assault orcs guns.

The whole crew turns and opens fire on the new arrivals. Unfortunately only two peaches are killed, the rest saved by awful rolls

Hot Shot Harry attempts to blind Lt. Jess, but she looks the other way [Feat Failed]

Space Fuckers:

Vyala switches to her twin katanas and delivers the final blow to Captain Maya. If one listened very closely, one might just barely hear the silent blue girl murmur, "bitch"

Schlanger roars for his men to double-time it to the helipad. They do so, taking out a shotgun trooper along the way

The two elite fuckers climb down from the balcony and run into some cyborgs. They trade bullets, and one from each side goes down.

Schlanger pulls out a mysterious device and presses the big red button with an ominous click.

KABOOOOM!!!

In my favorite heroic feat of the game so far, Schlanger activates a series of land mines he'd planted beforehand, because he is always prepared. Three raiders are taken out in this explosion; the machine gun guy and the hatchetmaster survive, and Hot Shot Harry is disrupted and loses 1 HP (2 remaining).

Another bomb goes off in the midst of the space orks, killing two heavies. (Basically I split the whole field into quadrants and rolled to see which ones were mined)

Alas, a grunt fucker also finds himself unfortunate enough to be caught in an explosion.

A fourth explosion goes off here, accomplishing nothing

And this tower thing explodes too, just for fun

Flushed with success, Schlanger then activates his jetpack and flies up to the helipad.

He lands a little unsteadily, but successful.

Space Orks:

Enraged that some blue-faced cockhole stole his kill, Garhoff charges Vyala and slashes her with his OTCs, dealing a point of damage. She has only 1 HP remaining. Garhoff yells something creative but unprintable in orkish, aggressively suggesting possible locations on her person where he might apply his chainsaws.

Dr. Korgo advances towards the gate controls, blasting the other elite fucker on his way.

Peach Mercs:

This turn was almost too complicated to capture in a picture. Basically, Lt. Jess decided to gun it on her trike and tore across the field, squishing machine gun guy's head like a watermelon and disrupting space ork heavy. The scout troopers and assault orks fired at each other, but the moving vehicle made most of their shots go wide, and only one space ork was killed.

Medibot finally gets to work.

Success! One peach merc scrambles to his feet, and all his limbs remain intact! He needs a weapon, but there are many lying around to choose from...

OVERWATCHES:

The beautiful carnage is becoming so thick it's hard to move around in. This battle hasn't gone the way I expected it to at all, you guys are keeping me on my toes and giving great orders. Most sides have lost 70% or more of their forces by now. The battle is almost over...!!