Surviving when your life is becoming a sad country song

But pretty please do not feel sorry for me, seriously don’t. I think that is the reason I don’t share this part of “my story.”

I am a child abuse survivor.

I have survived or am surviving multiple crazy health issues.

I am a stroke survivor. Times 2!

I could go on and on…but that isn’t what is post is about. This post is about hope. Let me give you some background so you understand what I mean.

I have some kind of weird genetic blood clotting disorder, that they don’t even know the name of, or honestly know how to treat. I had my first stroke when I was 23. I lost the ability to talk, read, or write. It took me over three months to be able to have any sort of conversation, infact I still have a hard time finding words sometimes.

Two years later I lost a baby, midterm. Then a few days later, threw several clots into my lungs.

Two years after that I had another stroke where I lost the ability to use my left side. They told me I would forever have to use a walker.

Pity party, party of one! Been there, done that, worn out the t shirt.

I seriously felt like Chicken Little, thinking the sky was falling in, or at least my little world. I felt like a timer that could go off at anytime, that I could have another stroke or leave my sweet children without a mother. I started closing into myself. I didn’t want to meet new people or go out in public unless I absolutely had to. I was embarrassed and didn’t want to explain myself. I was scared to do ANYTHING! I kept waiting for the other shoe to fall.

But through the tears, and the prayers, and hours and days of hopelessness. I came to the realization that I was hiding from life, and not living it. I decided that only

Heavenly Father knows the number of days that we have, and honestly if it is your time, you could step off the curb and get hit by a bus. I had to make the conscience decision to live my life and push through the fear. I had to decide to live. I had to live for my children. I had to live for my family. But most of all, I had to live for myself.Do I have rough days, when fear overwhelms me? Heck yes! But then Heavenly Father puts amazing people in my path (thank you @SunnyKrissy @KatieGrace @CoachGlitter and so many others) that push me to accomplish things that I am afraid of, and ultimately help me be a better person.