WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, a source inside the Republican presidential campaign of loose cannon billionaire Donald Trump announced former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin had been promised the position of Secretary of Defense in exchange for her endorsement of Trump for president. Trump addressed the press within minutes of the leak, and explained he did not want a Secretary of Defense who would ask questions or present any informed reality-based opposition when he ordered the use of nuclear weapons against "wherever."

"The person who leaked my promise to Sarah Palin that she can be Secretary of Defense is so unbelievably fired. Sarah has been very nice to me, and I am going to be very nice to Sarah," declared Trump, who asserted Sarah Palin was "a hugely smart and talented lady.