What Is The Real You?

To love yourself right now, just as you are, is to give yourself heaven. Don’t wait until you die. If you wait, you die now. If you love, you live now. —-Alan Cohen

—-As you might already know, I try to embody empowerment, rising up, hope, optimism, & loving yourself “just as you are” in most of my blog posts. This is the goal for My Inner Chick.

B u t…

If you ran across me last week, you would’ve been mortified. You would’ve been surprised. You would’ve said something like, “But Kim, I thought you were different. But you’re a FAKE, a phony, a paper-doll cutout, a counterfeit, & why should we read your words?

At least that’s how I felt for about 48 hours.

You see, I had an interview for our local television station about domestic abuse, Kay’s story, my blog, writing, mourning, murder, well, you get the idea.

When I watch the news clip later that night, I don’t hear anything about the actual content, the stuff that matters, the stuff that means something; I’m too busy examining how ghastly my hair looks (the wrong color burgundy), how old I appear (when did that happen?), the weight I had gained (was that because TV added 10 pounds?), and my voice, oh-my-god, the words gush out too quickly, too fervently, too animatedly.

97 Comments

I know the insecurities of which you speak! We all have them but I try to put myself in the future, say ten years. Then I can look back at myself and say, “Wow, you were so young and thin!” We are only as young as we’ll ever be today, so enjoy it!!! 🙂

It just happened to me at lunch time Kim! It did not last 48 hours just 1h but I did not like it. I am learning to love myself. I think it’s the best we deserve, to accept ourselves. Cause as you and me know, we are just perfect and beautiful the way we are!
PS – I am sure you were Fabulous!

Ah, the self reflection that comes with such cerebral types as we are…can be such a pain in the ass sometimes. Love you, you’re beautiful, and your message helps share brightness on so many lives. Sending hugs.

I love this. I love your honesty. What an amazing thing you’re doing. And I would have done the same thing. I would have scrutinized and criticized myself. Thank god for friends who can call us out and set us straight!

<3 this pic and post, Kim! You're a gorgeous woman!! The interview was awesome and you were amazing in it. The awareness you're spreading in Kay's memory will far out live any spaghetti hair (as your good friend says). I'm beginning to accept myself more just the way I am. I love it, too. BUT I have some days where I hate the way I look and change into some other outfit 4x before I'm happy. Some days I hate my hair and see a fat, middle aged woman in the mirror. I chock those days up to hormonal imbalance. We are all beautiful!!! xoxoxo

Trish

June 26, 2015 at 12:28 pm

Not comparing/over analyzing is THE hardest self struggle- and it leads down such a nasty road of uglier bumps. I am trying very hard to so less of that- and even though Papa makes fun of me- Yoga is helping me get “there”, I am working very hard on being present- instead of allowing my mind to run crazed bumper car circles.
Can you imagine what we would all be capable of if our minds weren’t so wrapped up in comparisons and worries and instead we focused all of that energy onto- well, anything really!
PS- I think your friend is pretty awesome- hang on tight to that one 🙂

I think we can all relate to this. Thank you for your honesty, because we all do the same thing. It’s incredible how judgmental and cruel we can be to ourselves. We’d never point out the same ‘flaws’ in others on TV. Glad your friend called you on it. We have to have each other’s backs. 🙂

Congrats on the interview! Very courageous of you. I love how you work so tirelessly to spread such an important message.

Without makeup? Whaaa? I’d have NO eyebrows and now eyelashes (being they are invisible blonde). NO NO NO there is no way. You are right, there are limits except… YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, beautiful, beautiful. Loving those asymmetrical bangs, darlink!!

So “do I love myself “just as I am?” NO. A h-e-double-hockey-sticks NO. Alpha Hubby and I have made a determination recently to lean up. I think he is going to torture me because he doesn’t have far to go but me? Well, OK that would be none-ya. My goal is to be his arm candy so I have a bit of work to do. By the end of the year we are going to take a duplicate picture of my avatar but with us instead of whoever those people are. Today I learned, on this journey, that my #1 Goal has to be “loving self right where you are” – so that is what I’m working on this summer. EXCELLENT POST!!!

This is a great post. As someone who has been often interviewed for news stories about gun violence, I am a terrible critic of myself. I also look fatter on camera and I never like my hair. The camera angle is all wrong and the reporter picks the exact wrong quote from me. Sorry I missed your interview so I can’t critique it. But you know what? How many people get out there to be interviewed? You are talking about important stuff- life saving stuff. People need to hear what you have to say. I love what you write and what you say and I admire your honesty. Good for you for posting the photo as well.

We are always our own worst critic. I’ve seen myself on TV and cringe whenever I think about it. But, 5 years down the road I wish I still looked like I did on TV! You are beautiful inside and out. Your message is SOOOOO important. Let it be.
xoxob

I so so so would have done the same. In my Listen To Your Mother video, from a year ago, all I see are the bags under my eyes and my back fat, as I walk off the stage. Is there a clip because I’d LOVE to see it!!

Oh Huney, I could give you a list as long as my arm of what I don’t like about myself…nay! What I despise about myself. But in the spirit of trying to live in the moment (I’m on an Eckhart Tolle quest to live in the Now) I just breathe deeply and picture a mouse hole in my head and wait to see how long it takes for anything to appear from the mouse hole. While I’m concentrating on that, I don’t have time to concentrate on anything else. But guuurl, you can pull off those hot rollers like nobody’s business!

Great story, Kim and I love the question. I’m still working on accepting myself. However, I’m a no makeup kind of gal. Just the other night I wore eyeliner for a dinner out, and my husband asked why I was all ‘dressed up’! 😉

You are hot in those curlers Kim! I wish I could see the video clip, is it anywhere on the web for me to view?
The real me, oh lordy, where to begin. There is the person everyone sees who is confident, disciplined and helper to the community who chairs the police forum and neighbourhood watch who glides along on her own while her husband does a lot of travelling wishing he was home, then…
There is the person I see, no confidence, ageing like hell, working hard at trying to run better, OCD with having to have the cupboards all neat and tidy all the time, making sure when I go to town I can find an exact mug for the one that broke so now the set isn’t complete, wanting to sit and eat bag of potato chips instead pushing myself to get into the kitchen to cook a hearty meal, especially if my Pete is home, always wanting to be the perfect wife but usually cocking it up half the time.
Guess I ain’t having the best day either.
Love and hugs to you dear Kim. You always shine a light. Thank you for you!
🙂 Mandy xoxoxo

i have good days and bad days. I have days when I feel so ugly and wretched and I think, no man will ever love me. I have days when I feel beautiful and strong. I have days when I feel like I just can’t cut it anymore, when the little bit of confidence I have completely disappears. I have days when my fears overwhelm me, and putting one foot in front of the other is just SO HARD. I get overwhelmed with loneliness, emptiness and longing. Sometimes I think this is what it is to be a woman: terrifying but beautiful.
P.s. You look super cute in your curlers. I want to hug you ☺️

Kim, you look so retro-chic in those curlers!! How wonderful that your TV station called you in for an interview about Kay–I think she was looking down from heaven and smiling at your very normal reaction as you watched it.

Oh, Kim, I understand. It is toooooooo damn easy to be critical of ourselves! And you look good even in rollers. Ha, ha! I’m sure your interview was brilliant and you were beautiful–even as you are in curlers.

Here’s the deal. This summer I’m going on two-month RV trip with my nearing-ninety Godmother and her cat Pepe le Mew. I leave for the US in a week. The RV is huge, 37-feet. My Godmother will be driving and towing an SUV the entire way. She was a Flamenco dancer during her entire professional life. I’m going to try to blog about our trip and write a book about the 64 beautiful years she and my Godfather, a Venezuelan movie star (I kid you not!), were married, until Raul died last fall one month shy of his 97th birthday.

I can’t imagine you being anything but vibrant and beautiful! I don’t think many of us see ourselves with honest eyes; we see every flaw every wrinkle that no one else sees.
I hated my voice when I was interviewed, thank the good lord it was talk radio and not TV!
I learned a long time ago that my eyes lie to me when I was going through some old pics at my girl friend’s and saw some attractive woman snuggled up to my then husband. Who was this woman???? where was I???? what is she doing with her hand on my husband’s leg? then I realized it was me!! damn it! I was pretty and I totally missed it!!
So now I tell myself that when I am 80 I am going to be sorry I didn’t appreciate myself more when I was in my 50’s.
I get angry with myself when I realize how much time I have wasted in my life feeling inferior or “not enough” that my ass was too big and my boobs were too small, my voice too high pitched or too loud.
My son also taught me a lesson. He has met some woman and will be telling me how beautiful she is how lucky he is to have this wonderful gorgeous woman dating him, she is a model! and I meet her and think, “Really? beautiful? she’s ok.” but if my boy thinks she is beautiful that is all that counts. Then I get to know her and she gets more beautiful and I realize my boy has good taste in women and that men see past the perfect figure and they love the whole woman and beauty radiates from the inside out.
You, my dear, radiate beauty and a love for life and are passionate.

Kim, you’re sooo blessed to have found such a GOOD friend! Someone who loves us the way we are, with no expectations, is a GEM, my dear!

I’m sure it’s natural for us to be overly-critical of the way we look, the way we sound, the things we do and say. Others, however, are tuned in to the message we bring, and that should be the focal point anyway. (By the way, I admire your bravery — I’m not at all sure I’d be comfortable taking a selfie of me without makeup and posting it for all to see, ha!!)

You are wonderful Kim! Beautiful inside and out! And oh my gosh I can relate to your dissecting yourself after an interview. I can’t bear to hear my own voice in a recording let alone watch myself – no, no, no! But I can look myself in the mirror in the morning and tell myself I’m good enough. And you are more than good enough too <3

Well done on getting on TV and having your voice and cause heard. And you have a very good friend to put everything into perspective for you. However, I know if I had been on TV, I would have been critically examining myself too! xx

Oh, Lovey, I wish I could see the clip. I love that you are SOOOOO real! When I was on the news, I could watch the clip for a year! LOVE that you are speaking out. Your voice is for millions! love you! xoxoxo

First of all, you’d be beautiful inside and out no matter what you do to yourself! I do love this post though…we are so cruel to ourselves sometimes with that horrid inner gremlin voice! I love you dear heart…you are such a gift to this world…and have so many powerful messages to share with all of us. You are light and force. Love you dearly!

I LOVE visiting your blog, you are the freakin BEST! 🙂 I always find myself smiling, nodding agreement.
I reckon I have found a way to love me. When I decided to really go public with my blog, my life, sharing personal details about my life, I decided that to do that, I had to share the not so great parts of me too. I had to be okay with people finding faults and judging. I actually have a collection of awful photos, pictures of me without makeup, up angels with triple chins, half open eyes, frizzy hair, the works. So when anyone has a go, I say ‘listen up mate, I got that covered, I can top any nasty you might feel I need to know about myself.’ It really helps.

I try not to compare myself to others, but hey, I wouldnt be human if I didnt. I could lose a few kilos and have better skin and get rid of the cellulite and the chip in my front tooth and makings of a double chin and spare tyre and under arm jelly. But, it really doesnt matter in the scheme of things.

i reckon you are beautiful and amazing and lovely and special and wonderful, and when i grow up, I want to be as awesome as you.

TheKitchenLioness

June 29, 2015 at 5:41 am

Dear Kim – you look absolutely gorgeous, my dear!!! Love that picture of you – and loved reading your smart and funny post. You are an amazing person and your girlfriend sounds like such a terrific friend to have. About those insecurities…we all seem to have them, especially yours truly – when I look at my kids, especially our youngest daughter, I always smile though, she is brimming with self-confidence and she is totally fearless. That will make life certainly easier for her…
Sending you sooo many hugs and btw I am not going anywhere with my blog – that was just a blog post about the end of that particular four-year project.
“See” you soon,
Andrea

That is a good friend–a real keeper–one who can see what is important and call you out on the diva-nesque trap we fall into at times as women. How can we not obsess when nearly every ad is a reminder that we need to look younger, thinner, more polished, less haggard, etc. Appearances matter, but I’m learning. Maybe you’ll start a new trend of ‘just as you are’ women. And congrats on the fab television interview. You are rocking and rolling girlfriend. Yay you!

I’m pretty good about not comparing myself to others, but I am horrible at deciding what I want. What matters most is living and doing what makes you happy. And to really live, because I was traveling a lot for years but was on autopilot concerning the rest of what could have been better in my life.

I love having friends who aren’t afraid to tell it like it is! I’m sure you did a marvelous job! Going to yoga sans makeup the past 10 years has made me feel OK about myself without being all dolled up—I may need an intervention to actually start getting out of my yoga clothes every now and then 🙂

I love the roller selfie… i think your reaction is so natural. A couple of weeks ago I was on a internet radio show doing an interview. I listened a few times and I didn’t pay attention to how the host laughed at my comments or the way i handled the questions. All I could focus on is at the start of the show I sounded like a four year old

I’ve had way too many days of berating myself over the size of my thighs and fine lines and tiny wrinkles around my eyes. Some days I try not to look in the mirror and just think of what I’d like to look like or how I used to look. That back and forth gets real old real quick. I prefer to count my blessings, be grateful that my thighs help to move me forward and the fine lines and wrinkles around my eyes remind me that I have had lots to smile about.

Okay, let’s be frank. I’d like to rid myself once and for all of my belly. I’m not Santa, after all. And Kim, I’ve been exercising like crazy. To no avail, aside from the fact that my blood pressure is at an all-time low. Belly is determined to stay put. Grr. But it turns out exercising alone doesn’t cut it, not even doing it every day. I have to eat right and give up sugar. Sugar! Do you know what that means??? No peanut M&M’s, nothing. Sigh. What a pain.

We are all our own worst critics. But I’ve gotten easier on myself as I’ve grown older and stopped giving a crap about what most people think. I rarely wear any makeup unless I’m actually going someplace where I feel I owe it to small children not to frighten them.