Category: Satire

It is a shame that militant secularists cannot appreciate their own extremism, with all their sacred symbols that they will defend against the blasphemies of their enemies. It is a shame that they cannot see that the excesses they condemn amongst religious communities are right there in their own. It is a shame that they are as fanatical as the fanatics they claim to oppose. It is a shame that they are as blind to their own reality as they are to the realities of their assailants. Their emotions, their passion, their prejudices: they are no different to the people of religion they rebuke.

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Hey! Read my longwinded message which proves that such and such is HARAM!!

Here is a verse from the Qur’an to prove it!

Now you may say that this verse has absolutely nothing to do with such and such. However, the SCHOLARS say that the meaning of XYZ is such and such, and since you’re an ignoramus, you have no right to read the verse in context. Continue reading “Haram”→

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Not to worry, “The Political Establishment” will push him under a train soon enough to give the conspiracy nuts who voted for him something else to be enraged about, and then a UFO laden with NWO physicians will land to force vaccinate everyone and take away their guns, at which point the Illuminati will inverse the Golden Ratio, making Rio de Janeiro the new centre of the earth and enslave mankind under the yoke of political correctness and force everyone to wear cardigans.

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Last week David Cameron accused an imam of supporting IS. When it was later discovered that the imam had in fact been touring the country to talk about the evils of ISIS, Number 10 clarified that David Cameron was not talking about “The ISIS” but, you know, Islamic states in general, you know, like Saudi Arabia. Um, no not Saudi Arabia which is a key ally of the United Kingdom and has our full and unwavering support, and which we will never ever condemn, even when they’re massacring thousands of civilians in Yemen with weapons we sold them. No, not that kind of Islamic state, but you know those other ones we don’t support that are barbaric in a different way. Like, um, you know, Iran, er, Egypt, well it doesn’t matter, but it’s clear what the Prime Minister meant, he meant IS as in Islamic states or the third person singular present of be, which is even worse. Continue reading “Barbaric acronyms”→

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Another day and another tale of a family in disarray as sisters, wives, daughters, sons make the journey to their new utopia in the heart of Syria, apparently oblivious to the millions of refugees who have fled the country with their lives.

Back home, meanwhile, the local community expresses shock and surprise. Imams insist: not our fault, these people are being radicalised online. This is called having your head stuck in sand.

If our mosques provided services for women and young people, delivered relevant sermons in a common language, put aside ridiculous sectarian and tribal squabbles, I am pretty sure many of these people would not seek out alternative guidance online.

It is a tragedy, of course, but the online world is simply filling a gap. You don’t get to choose how people fill the void you leave wide open.