Crikey! Rob. You paint a sad picture. Has your family abandoned you? You have a daughter, don't you?

Have you considered retiring in a country where you get more bang for your buck, such as Thailand? You could probably live comfortably there on $1,000 a month and have a maid to do all the house cleaning and washing. Thailand also has excellent hospitals, and the cost of dental care is a fraction of what it is in Australia.

Try taking some Saffron on a regular basis. I believe Spain grows the stuff. It should lift your spirits.

what I was really thinking,if you get a chance to do the things worth doing,you somehow rode that wave,you know, really went deeper and found places you only dreamed of,it seems like it is better than treasure,better than a candy bar when you were six, better than holding your old Da's hand on the way out the nave,I mean better than anything...My friend never got off heroin because of that feeling...As to crying for love...well yes, over and over, once down to loving myself I realized my lapses in personality were as delusional as pretending I become more like someone I emulate by emulation...I yam what I yam...You is what you is...damn maudlin...curmudgeons club women accepted begrudgingly...

I pictured you in a studio splattered with the detritus of creation somehow in a dolly -Italian singer blasting in the background- assistant at the ready, "yes Sir Mr. C, here's your coffee, just how you like it, buffalo fat and beeswax added,,,,We had a bonfire here last Saturday night,howling and all...you could come to our next party if you want Rob, you'll be a guest of hono5rthere'll be a mix and a few hotties past 50 (really)they're interesting too,My own Grandma, (92) still comes to them occasionally and gets a little tight here or there, sweet as hell until she has that 3rd 1We'll have a Passionetta Regata----I'll end up having to listen to some old maid reciting the ten reasons...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBH8o8XXnVM

Thailand? Good grief, Ray! I lived in India for around seven years - there's nothing mystical about the East, just fr°ggin' poverty, ignorance on a massive scale, amazing wealth, corruption and disease.

Spain is paradise as long as you remain part of the solidarity of a couple; take that away and you discover drunks, lost souls (I see and recognize them everywhere now!) and folks with the intelligence to make pots of money and realise nothing about the deadness of their own life; I can only envy them their tunnel vision. These places, stripped of the veneer, are pathetic elephants' graveyards.

Sure I have kids, but the responsibility isn't theirs: I'd hate it to be! That's one of the glitches to going back - the fear of turning into an obligation. Far better they come here for a brief holiday when they feel like it than the routine of Sunday lunches and Christmas en famille! Hell, that was someting we all escaped over thirty years ago, in a mild way!

But the thing is, it's not an individual problem: we all face it sooner or later, and the only way to avoid it is making a pact and hitting a concrete bridge on the motorway at the first signs of decline. But that, to me, not a conventionally religious person, is a sin of the deepest stain. Life is a gift and to end it yourself an insult to the power that gave it to you. It is not an option. Speaking personally, the only way I could entertain the idea is via a gun; anything else would inevitably end in regret: I just know I'd have changed my mind five minutes after slitting those wrists and feeling the bath cool down a degree or two. No way, thank you very much, I know myself too damned well!

Rocco, thank you for the invitation, but I live too far away and could never get affordable travel insurance outwith Europe! Anyway, DVT would probably take me out before the end of the flight. (We actually had a guy die in the row behind us on a BA flight from Nice some years ago. We had a long delay on the runway and it was damned hot; after we took off he had his attack and the crew hadnít a frigginí clue what to do. They eventually called for a doctor and by the time a guy owned up, it was too late. Had I known what I know now, I could at least have popped one of my nitroglycerine pills under his tongue and bought him a few minutes more.) Which is quite fortunate for some of you folks, because otherwise, despite my fear of being butchered in a motel, I might have been tempted to do that Route 66 number in a rented old Corvette ŗ la tv series. Who knows Ė if the eyes hold out a bit longer and the lottery comes upÖ

But I think youíre safe.

;-)

Rob C

P.S. Joss Stone: with that dress and hair she reminds me of my wife at a certain era in her life; so does Ms McBride. Hair, a crowning glory, and to think how many cut it off. I think it was Ms Stone just had two guys arrested for plotting to kill her at home in England. What is it with these guys? How do they stay out of jail so long?

yes Rob,blues tinted white...I like Tom Waites Linda Ronstadt and Billy BraggA far cry from the synco pop blue hour sweet midnite riff flower rip off hippy sh-- of my childhood,limelighters had a place next to monk, had a place next to Cash had a place next to ray charles and little richard,my favorite from then was indeed bum bumbummun munbum bum bum mumubumoh suziq bap bom bom bodopomdopum bople dumhey whatdayawant from an 8 y/onow it helps that Sasha plays the uke and sings like an angel,bette midler songs mostly...bette midler is pretty good I thinkwhat were you asking again-oh yeah doing instead of thinking-that's the problem right there,not enough thinkinghahahahahahahah

Thailand? Good grief, Ray! I lived in India for around seven years - there's nothing mystical about the East, just fr°ggin' poverty, ignorance on a massive scale, amazing wealth, corruption and disease.

Don't paint the whole of the East with one brush, Rob. I haven't lived in India for any significant period of time, but I did spend a few months there many years ago. Thailand is in a completely different category. They have some of the best hospitals in the region, and sometimes Australian politicians get into trouble using their expense accounts to fly over there to get their teeth fixed.

If you want to get back to making glamour and nude photos, just for the experience of course, as an amateur, then Thailand is the place where you could do it quite affordably.

Don't paint the whole of the East with one brush, Rob. I haven't lived in India for any significant period of time, but I did spend a few months there many years ago. Thailand is in a completely different category. They have some of the best hospitals in the region, and sometimes Australian politicians get into trouble using their expense accounts to fly over there to get their teeth fixed.

If you want to get back to making glamour and nude photos, just for the experience of course, as an amateur, then Thailand is the place where you could do it quite affordably.

Ray, why do I feel you are trying to push me into Garry Glitter territory? Is it my tiny rat's tail masquerading as pony?

I feel wary of turning this too personal, but perhaps it has general interest to lots of folk anyway. Rob, you cannot assume that your presence would be a burden on your children, unless of course you know better!

My father who is now 72 and in failing health is not a particularly great man. He has spent his life as a taker, and rarely a giver, and so it is not really much fun seeing him. On the other hand my Mother in Law who is a sprightly 80 is great to be around. She is always inviting us over for lunch or getting involved in her large family. Yes, she can be slightly irritating at times (especially the selective deafness), but actually everyone loves her and while putting ourselves out for her can be a headache, actually none of us resents it. I can see it must be awful to loose a long-term partner and face life alone - we have quite a few male friends who are in exactly that position, and I feel sure in some ways they find it harder than women in the same position. Women often have good networks of friends already, but men often seem to just have their wives, and when they are gone the men are lost. I cannot imagine anything more lonely then living in a 'foreign' country on my own.

Hey, the sun has come out this morning, though Easter weekend is going to be cold.

Don't be too harsh on Ray's idea about Thailand. Though personally I would feel I was being exploitive, and would rather shoot for the girls than myself. My enjoyment would come from making pictures they enjoy.

I feel wary of turning this too personal, but perhaps it has general interest to lots of folk anyway. Rob, you cannot assume that your presence would be a burden on your children, unless of course you know better!

My father who is now 72 and in failing health is not a particularly great man. He has spent his life as a taker, and rarely a giver, and so it is not really much fun seeing him. On the other hand my Mother in Law who is a sprightly 80 is great to be around. She is always inviting us over for lunch or getting involved in her large family. Yes, she can be slightly irritating at times (especially the selective deafness), but actually everyone loves her and while putting ourselves out for her can be a headache, actually none of us resents it. I can see it must be awful to loose a long-term partner and face life alone - we have quite a few male friends who are in exactly that position, and I feel sure in some ways they find it harder than women in the same position. Women often have good networks of friends already, but men often seem to just have their wives, and when they are gone the men are lost. I cannot imagine anything more lonely then living in a 'foreign' country on my own.

Hey, the sun has come out this morning, though Easter weekend is going to be cold.

Don't be too harsh on Ray's idea about Thailand. Though personally I would feel I was being exploitive, and would rather shoot for the girls than myself. My enjoyment would come from making pictures they enjoy.

Jim

I canít ague the points: you are correct in most of them, but Iím not sure you can be gender-specific in the matter of widows: some rejoice in Ďliberationí from the old bugger where others mourn for the rest of their days. ;-)

For the widowers, I think that it can be like being orphaned young: at a stroke you lose all the moral support system that keeps you keepiní on truckiní even when the rest of the world hopes that you stop. And time. There never seems to be any if you want to do anything other than keep the house clean. Mornings are absolutely hopeless Ė lunchtime is just about reachable in respectable state: washed, shaved (okay, sometimes) and in clean clothes. Thatís winter: come summer, ironing a visible T-shirt takes forever! Either season, the lost best friend is always being missed and nothing compensates. You cope, but you never feel the same again. Also, I find that I now avoid some favourite places because the thrill is gone, and only the blues are evoked if I go there. There used to be a couple of favourite beach restaurants that are now out of bounds: went with the kids a couple of times after their Mum died, and I could see it broke them up too. GhostsÖ

Models and Thailand. Actually, it wouldnít matter even if I found myself back in the U.K. because it isnít just about finding a wench willing to pose: itís about working with the best that exist within your clientís budget. And when you are the client, pre-lottery win, thereís not much scope. Guess I was spoiled!

To be brutally frank, I have no wish to spend time shooting girls without that something special that the best can give. To me, the girl is the greater part of the final picture, and my part as snapper is to provide a frame whithin which she can reign. Itís a great experience doing that together, but without somebody skilled, itís just hard work and sometimes anger is all that you get from it. Were it just about looking at someone without their clothes on, it would be one thing, but thatís not where itís at for me. That would be easy. Hookers advertise over two pages of personal ads here; just a call and a few euros away. With a camera, I would be an easy John.

I also think that I havenít really thought well enough and deeply enough about the thing. I realise that my likes are shifting away from what I used to do as featured in the web site; I keep thinking of a shot Cooter posted a couple of times of a ballet school in Moscow (I think thatís the location) and those moods and ambiences I find very attractive Ė much more so than beaches of which Iíve had more than my share. Iíd really enjoy shooting in a ballet school, drama college; muscians rehearsing, that sort of thing. Maybe Iím just getting older than I thought! But itís restful.

I also think that I havenít really thought well enough and deeply enough about the thing. I realise that my likes are shifting away from what I used to do as featured in the web site; I keep thinking of a shot Cooter posted a couple of times of a ballet school in Moscow (I think thatís the location) and those moods and ambiences I find very attractive Ė much more so than beaches of which Iíve had more than my share. Iíd really enjoy shooting in a ballet school, drama college; muscians rehearsing, that sort of thing. Maybe Iím just getting older than I thought! But itís restful.

;-)

Rob C

Now you're talking Rob! A new direction. Nicky my wife has always had a wish to photograph in a ballet school - but she was a bit apprehensive about approaching them. Recently she has started going to one on a Monday evening and starting to shoot. Problem is that it's just a small town school and not very attractive inside. However we chatted to mum and daughter on a train to London in December - having noted the girl looked as if she might be going to a ballet school. It turns out that they live just a few miles from us and the girl- Gigi (of course) attends the Royal Ballet on Saturdays. Nicky now has a model and has completed one shoot with another booked next week. The theme will be ballet dancer on location (beach, woods etc). Just a personal project which may or may not lead to commissions.

Sasha just got back from the desert and says the sad thing about ocatillo bushes are the border jumper's chamis...

She's searching for phenolic compounds in Californian Native flora- Alexandra Pendragon's Magical Elixir- containing wonders of the botanical primogeniture, secrets of the mystics and staff of life to those most fierce and hardyIf the cops raid my house they would arrest everyone first and ask questions later- It is littered with interesting paraphernalia of compound extraction.Like Madam Curie she'll probably kick from absorbing too much yapple...

Hope it works out for your wife - those dancer/actor personalities can be quite interesting to get to grips with - if you can! Some years before I managed to break from the industrial photo-unit I trained in and go my own way, I was able to find a seam in the Glasgow College of Dramatic Art. I met some young actresses courtesy the secretary there and enjoyed making a couple of them 'books' for their future. I sometimes wonder what became of them these many years later; maybe they just grew out of it or became famous - who knows... Pleasant and rewarding experiences at the time.

Sasha just got back from the desert and says the sad thing about ocatillo bushes are the border jumper's chamis...She's searching for phenolic compounds in Californian Native flora- Alexandra Pendragon's Magical Elixir- containing wonders of the botanical primogeniture, secrets of the mystics and staff of life to those most fierce and hardyIf the cops raid my house they would arrest everyone first and ask questions later- It is littered with interesting paraphernalia of compound extraction.Like Madam Curie she'll probably kick from absorbing too much yapple...

Although it is pretty rare nowadays I don't achieve exactly the result I want when I decide to take a picture, there are some pictures I like looking at much more than others among mines and obviously among those of other photographers.

This is both very bad and very good:- on the plus side, it means that I have clearly identified my challenge (vision and concept) and that this challenge is probably without limits but that of the time I'll be given to think about what images I want to create,- on the minus side, it means that I actually don't really need to take pictures anymore. I'd rather stop wasting time pressing the shutter... and spend more time thinking. The obvious consequence being that I don't need more megapixels, lenses,...

Now I am saying that this is a bad news because I probably find photography relaxing precisely because I don't need to think much to achieve what I come up with today... So it looks like I have a problem also Rob...

Although it is pretty rare nowadays I don't achieve exactly the result I want when I decide to take a picture, there are some pictures I like looking at much more than others among mines and obviously among those of other photographers.

This is both very bad and very good:- on the plus side, it means that I have clearly identified my challenge (vision and concept) and that this challenge is probably without limits but that of the time I'll be given to think about what images I want to create,- on the minus side, it means that I actually don't really need to take pictures anymore. I'd rather stop wasting time pressing the shutter... and spend more time thinking. The obvious consequence being that I don't need more megapixels, lenses,...Now I am saying that this is a bad news because I probably find photography relaxing precisely because I don't need to think much to achieve what I come up with today... So it looks like I have a problem also Rob...

Cheers,Bernard

I hate to tell you, but I've been there for quite some time and not a lot is changing for the better. In fact, the main driver to shooting at all is to find something to do other than to sit and think. When you don't find pleasant thoughts, you're best distracting yourself in any way you can.

But it's true: when you know how to do what you want to do, you need more than that if it doesn't really matter anymore. And that's the frustration with pretty much everything: I wander about every day, and some days something interesting crops up, and other days zilch. The problem is that it's all out of my control: I see or I do not see. This stuff about 'challenges' I simply can't understand: it's just up to nature and happenstance, unlike paid work where it's all up to skill and money to achieve the result required.

However, I don't want to presume to name names, but I'm fairly sure I am not 100% alone in this frustration! In fact, perhaps it has nothing to do with frustration at all; perhaps it's just the way things are.

what would you have?No vision, metaphorically speakingor dried up vision?I ran around w/ an heiress,all I had to do was shut up and tow the line...really she adored me- I loved her -no one could've mapped the rotten outcome more clearly than I did.Broke, hard from the road, lacking even rudimentary skills to deal with the blow that couldn't come soon enough,I just don't want to be remembered as a miserable old creepsterTHAT'S why,that even when faced with destiny and forces that chose ME not so much the other way around,I'm a sore loser,will find that spark mantra for the new millennium