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As entertainment critic Roger
Ebert once said, "If you disagree with something I write, tell me so, argue
with me, correct me--but don't tell me to shut up. That's not the American way."

I was really looking forward to this finale. Even my dog got into the spirit of Trump. He channeled Trump once before but I didnít have a camera in my hand. But the day of the finale I did.

Bruno as Trump

But why would Mark Burnett let The Donald do a two hour live show, again? It seemed to drag on with no winner. I still enjoyed it but felt the winner didnít get his due. The winner was announced with 30 seconds to go.

Anyway, on with the show.

And what show is that you ask?

Celebrity Apprentice

All Trumped Up

Donald is sitting in his office with his two children.

We started with 14 celebrities. We are down to two. Trace and Piers.What do you think Ivanka? You have a tough time. Trace is a great guy with people skill. Piers is aggressive but fabulous at raising money.What do you think little Don?Well, well, they have both played the game well, and it doesnít matter what I say, you will pick the winner.Trump continues: Great suggestions, but what does everybody in the audience think.

*Mr. Trump blows the walls of his office down to be surrounded by hand-picked, screaming adoring fans.*

Live from New York City, Itís......................

Celebrity Apprentice

Hereís the biggest celebrity of all: Donald Trump.

*pounding his hand on his desk*Thank you, thank you; itís a big night for me. Weíve raised over a million dollars for charity. I like a good fight. Weíve seen that with these two. (Piers and Trace) Letís take a look. Roll the clip.

Twelve weeks ago 14 of the biggest celebrities descended on NYC to make a difference. There was a heavy-weight champion of the world, a rock star, a tabloid journalist, a country star, actors, and Olympic athletes. Each had their own style of business backgrounds. Each willing to fight for their favorite charities. Who would call all their contacts? Each would push themselves harder than ever before. (Yea sure they did. This was harder than training years for 5 Olympic medals, in another country? This was harder than preparing for the heavy-weight fight for the title of Best of the World? Three times?)

They all fell by the wayside, except for two.

Pierce Morgan, former tabloid editor and notorious Reality TV Judge. Piers has an aggressive approach to winning money and task.He tells us every competitive part of him is fighting to be declared Celebrity Apprentice.

Trace Adkins, Country Super-Star. (Iím not into Country music and had not heard of this Super-Star. I do love to hear him talk.) Trace took the slow and steady path to success.He tells us heís fighting for his little daughter who has food allergies.

This left the amazing Mr. Trump to preside over the biggest international battle in the history of The Apprentice. (Wow!) Itís good verses evil.Itís the UK verses the USA.

Last week the final two apprentices were given the final task.

Mr. Trump tells them they will be holding a really, really grand charity event. Iíve invited back really, really great help for you.(Please Mr. Trump, donít bring back Omarosa.)Carol, Lennox, Stephen, and Marilu walk in.

The two finalists sit down to divide up the task.Piers takes the auction and the catering.Trace takes the show.

They also divide up the few charity items they already have. Trace picks the ďSuper bowl ThingĒ.Piers picks shopping with Ivanka. He then says; May the best man win, and I will.

In the war room Piersí tells the team his strategy. I am going to focus on getting great auction prizes and money. He also donates 20 tickets to the charity director for wounded veterans.It would be great to have your guys at the event.

Trace plans on calling every celebrity he and his team knows.We beat Piers on celebrities, *raising his arms* we win!

Piers meets with Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York and secures Tea with the Duchess. They hug.

Trace is meeting with the Backstreet Boys. (Another type of music I never listened to. Boy bands. I was raising a family instead. I did take my son to a Boys to Men concert. Yikes!) Trace is finding the demands frustrating, and ridiculous.

And he still canít find wheat grass. This could be a problem. Last week he told us the time he spent talking to the boys is time in his life he will never get back. What is wheat grass? Do you smoke it? You squeeze it and drink the juice? (I thought that was the funniest thing all season.)

*announcer*Tonight is the final showdown.Two remain, but only one will claim the ultimate title:Celebrity Apprentice

*roll title credits*

*sing along: Money, money, money, mo-ney. Money!*

What if You could make a difference?

*end music, cue Trump*

You can see itís been a really, really, special season.We have a roomful of celebrities who we want to hear what they have to say. At the end of night, I will pick the Celebrity Apprentice.

*slaps hand on desk*Now watch my Macyís commercial.

*cue Mark Burnett credit, and roll*

Piers talks with the following donors:Sharon Osborne donates a night with the Osborneís.Lord Andrew Lloyd Weber Ė opening night tickets to next show

The spell of the moment is broken by a phone call.Trace runs to find the boys.Can you get a protective knee brace for Howie?

Trace explains; One of the BSB, if you know them like I do, you can call them BSB, well one of the boys twisted his little knee. Now I have to go find medical supplies. He passes Carol and asks; do you know where I can find wheat grass juice?

I have new appreciation for myself after dealing with these kids. Iíve done a show with a broken leg, kidney stones. My gut hurt so much one night I couldnít hardly move. I walked out on stage, did the show, went to the hospital emergency room, and had 18 inches of my colon cut out THAT night. And this group canít do a show if one doesnít have his wheat grass juice and other one has a twisted knee. Donít get me started on the BSB.

The Celebrity Apprentice Really, Really, Big Party and Auction

Piers shakes Traceís hand then tells him may the best man win and let us raise scads of money for our charities. Congratulations brother for being here tonight, agrees Trace.Piers responds; if Iím going to loses to anyone, Iím glad itís you.Well, Iíll be....Trace grins. But Iím not going to lose.

Our first item is The Opus, a tribute to the first 40 Super Bowls. It includes a page signed by every living MVP. Letís start it for 15 thousand. Thank you sir. 16 thousand, 17, sold for 18 thousand dollars to the man at the bar. This was Traces item.

Lot #2 is a truly unique item. Tea with the Duchess of York. Letís start this at 5 thousand, 7 thousand, 15 thousand.A man who is standing in the midst of the military shouts out 100 thousand.Ok, if thatís the game you want to play. *applause*

Lot #3 is dinner with Trace Adkins bought by Ivanka for $6,000.

Lot #4 is a night with the Osborneís.If someone donates more than $50,000, Ozzy will fly his entire band to anywhere in the country to give a concert. The same man that bought Lot #2 paid another $100,000 for the Osbornes.

Trace is starting to look worried. His suit seems to be tight on him. He keeps pulling on his collar.

Other items auctioned off were Taxi memorabilia, signed Phantom of the Opera mask, guitar, QVC shopping, and many other items.

The last item auctioned off was a shopping trip with Ivanka, Simon Cowell called in and snapped it up for $100,000.

Now it was time for the entertainment. Would BSB go on with out wheat grass juice? The tall cowboy named Trace introduced them. They delivered the show. And Trace said they did it with out wheat grass. They sounded good. Amazing.

Trace was overcome that all 6 of them had worked together so well. He said the picture of them standing together spoke 1,000 words.

The Final Boardroom, Kind of

Donald tells us; I love the Boardroom. Itís my favorite part. All the action happens here. He walks in and sits down.

Stephen, Carol, Piers, Trace, Marilu, and Lennox are seated at the table.

Ok, Lennox, youíve been my friend for a long time. Who did the best job?Well, they have different styles. Trace is laid back and allows you to do your work. Piers is in your face and gets you going. What style do you like better? Well I guess Traceís.

Piers states, we know why he likes that style. Sleepy Boy? But Iíve made a fried for life. Lennox says absolutely.

Piers, why did you pick Stephen? Ivanka and I are surprised.We work well together. We won every task we worked on.

Tell me about the Backstreet Boys Trace. Why were they difficult?Well, it was the stuff they wanted in their room. Certain kinds of water, specific peanut butter on special cut bread, and then there was the wheat grass.

(With all this talk about wheat grass juice, I wouldnít be surprised to see a brand called: Trumps Wheat Grass Juice, squeezed by Trace Adkins.)

Little Don speaks out and says; what about the black nail polish?Big Don asks Piers, what would you have done?I would have told them to stuff their polish.

Trace shouts, but they wouldnít have gone on. Trump agrees.

Piers states; yes they would, With a 20 million audience exposure.Trump agrees with Piers at that. Trace asks if he should have beat up the band. I could have. But I wanted to put a happy band up on the stage.

Carol, who do you think did a better job, Trace or Piers? One of the tasks was raising money. Piers did that extremely well.

Ivanka states her figures. Trace brought in $38,000 with ticket sales while Piers only brought in $12,000.

Carol pleads to be heard. Piers made a decision to donate 20 tickets to the Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund. He felt it was important for those who are helped by the fund to see and be seen.

Trump says thatís nice, so we are even. The third task was how well you did on your part of this really, really great party.

Piers you had catering. I donít remember seeing food. That was my plan. Get the party goers a little tipsy so they would freely bid.

Stephen shouts I donít like that. You are trying to get people drunk. If I ran an auction, I wouldnít do that.

Donald asks if thatís because five years ago you were born again. Before that you would have done the same thing.Thatís right sir. Piers states heís not the only Christian in the room.Iím a Roman Catholic. I believe in God as well, but I donít take the high moral ground. Iíve been portrayed as the bad, evil, the devil.

Mr. Trump, pleads Piers, would you clarify what the purpose of this game was. Was it to be the nice guy in the boardroom? Or was it supposed to be the best, effective, most prosperous fundraiser for charity?

Trace I want you to answer that.Ok. I am here to raise money and awareness for the Food Allergy & Anaphylaxis Network. And to bring them no dishonor. And along the way raise a lot of money for them.

Trump asks Trace is he thinks Piers dishonored his charity.

In my opinion, I think he was ruthless. He did and said some things I never would have.

Mr. Trump, Piers speaks very passionately; weíre playing a business game not a personality game.

Trace butts in with; Piers said we were going to work together to make this the best charity event to raise money for our charities. I agreed with him. I thought we worked well together. I commend him for that.

This is tough, the toughest thing Iíve had to do in a while.Get Trace and Piers ready, Iím ready to settle this now.

The Rest of the Boardroom

This has been a great final two battle. Totally opposite people.This guy is the nicest guy to enter my boardroom. Heís also a really, really good country singer. Welcome Trace Adkins.

*cheers*

He played the game with ruthless, intelligence. Come on out Piers Morgan.

Gene Simmons is shooting a movie in Japan; weíll talk to him later.Now there is a woman who hates Piers. Show the clips of the two lovebirds. (We see all the disgusting stuff this person did and said. I applaud Piers for not striking her.) Come on out Omarosa. *she strikes a super hero pose and glares at Piers**he ignores her*(She makes a stupid prejudice remark. I will not repeat. Hopefully she will not be heard on this show again. And please keep her away from Survivor.)

Hey Lennox, they used you a lot this season. What do you think of Piers and Trace?Piers is highly aggressive, means well, high strung, but needs tact. Whoís more confident? Ah, they both are.

OK, Carol answer the same question? Piers used his edge very well.I didnít work with Trace, I think I should be sitting there tonight, Mr. Trump.Youíre just chocking on live TV. I am not sir, Iím going head to head with you.

Stephen, what do you think?*wild screams from the audience*Piers is a tough guy but good at raising money and business. Trace is 10 times better than Piers.

Vinnie, do you wish you didnít resign?Yes, but Lennox pushed me over the side. Why? ask Trump.I took Lennox out to dinner. The next day he turned on me and wanted to be on Piersís side. I wonít take him out to dinner again.

Whose team do you want to be on Lennox?At that time it was Piers. Thanks for being honest Lennox my friend.

Marilu! Since you have watched every amazing, really, really excellent past seasons, how was it to play? It was fun. No sleep. That suits my energy and personality. I tell my friends they have to do the next one.

Jennie. Are you going to win a gold medal? Weíll try.

You are sitting next to one of the greats, Nadia.Nadia waves.

We have one more celebrity to hear from. Gene is in Tokyo. Weíll be back after we sell you something.

Weíre back.He has the ego, the smarts, even the big hair.*Trump points to his hair*Why did he leave so early?Roll the clips.(If you would like to read my summary on his boot: The Sorcerer and the Apprentice)

What sign are you Gene? Dollar sign Baby!Gene Simmons, you are a powerful and attractive man!I will convince you I have all the right answers.Itís a Kodak world.They are wrong!!I say to Kodak, you are wrong!

I wonder if Gene has changed his mind.Would you finally admit you were wrong?They doubled their sales with their idea.

Gene appears in dark sunglasses.They only thought short term. It was a big mistake for them not to use my idea.Itís a Kodak world.

Gene, the Kodak executive is here. He was waiting for your apology.Now he will humiliate you on live television. You missed the task. The customer is always right.Kodak is right, yada, yada, yada, (I think we just saw a live commercial)

Trace or Piers, Gene?Piers outperformed in pure cash.But Trace has a ďtug of the heartĒ quality to him. The answer is Trace Adkins.

Now listen to Trace sing his #1 song.Really, really good Trace. Buy his song

Even though most didnít like Piersí style of play, he did a good thing for his charity.Roll the film about Piersí charity: Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund

We have raised one million dollars for charity this season. But thatís not enough. Yes, you heard the Donald right.*slams hand on desk*I will donate $250,000 to the winnerís charity.Iím really proud of everyone here. You were all wonderful.Just like me.There are no losers here. Just winners.

*slams hand on desk*

OK, letís get to it. Trace why should I pick you.

Nobody supports the military as much as I do. They are great as well as the charity that Piers is representing. Iím glad heís won all the money he has. But Iím here representing 3 million fathers who fear for their children. My charity will educate and research why this is happening to our children. The money will help save our childrenís lives.

Thatís great. Piers make your case.

I donít want to rain on anyoneís parade. Trace is a great guy. If this was a Good Guy Competition, he would win hands down.But this is a business competition with a focus on raising money for charity.As you know Mr. Trump, the bottom line is numbers.Iíve won 9 out of the 11 task youíve given us.Iíve raised over half a million dollars.I had the biggest slaughter in the history of Apprentice.Mr. Trump adds; thatís true.Iíve brought in the biggest and most celebrities.So on the fundraising checklist, Iíve killed everybody.

*cheers*

But Piers, you were not loved. Isnít that important to you. No, but Mr. Trump youíre not loved either.True.Piers pleads; When these guys go to battle they fight to the finish. Do you think your charity is more important than Tracesí?No, but I played the game to win and give these guys a second chance.I stand by everything I did.

*slams hand on table*

OK done!

Little Don, Do you have anything to add?

Well ah, well, Iím a pretty decisive guy. But this is hard. Trace is the most likeable guy, Iíve ever met.Piers is effective and has a great rolodex.Could you have done as well without it?

*hand slams on table*Enough!

Can I respond Mr. Trump?No, we only have a minute left.

Pierce you are fierce, tough, smart, probably brilliant, but not diplomatic.You did an amazing job and beat everybody. You won more than anyone.

Trace, you got a #1 single out of the deal. You have a wonderful family.Youíre a special, special, special guy. A beautiful human being. I will always love you. You are really, really, special.

But for tonight!*slams hand on desk**points at Piers*

But for tonight Piers, youíre the Celebrity Apprentice.

*30 seconds**cue music**drop confetti*

*apprenticeís head for Trace and Piers*

*zoom in on The Donald*

Itís been a really great season; weíll see you next year.Weíre going to be around for a long time.

*20 seconds*

*play money theme*

*roll credits*

*10 seconds*

*shot of Piers*

*pull-away shot to show group*

*shot of Trace*

*5 seconds*

*Burnett flaming production logo*

*Trump shield logo*

*And cut*

*Thatís a wrap, folks*

Thanks for taking time to read my summary. Let me know if you liked it. I enjoyed the practice.If you would like to read my other Apprentice Summaries, click on the link below:

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