Packers loss brings out the jerk in me

I can be a jerk. A sports jerk, in particular. (Other aspects of my life's jerkery are up for debate.)

"The funeral for the 2011 Packers will be held tomorrow morning in Green Bay. Wearing black is best, but Day-Glo orange or camo is acceptable."

As the Green Bay Packers imploded Sunday afternoon in front of 72,080 cheese-wearing and cheese-eating Wisconsinites, I couldn't help but laugh. "LOL" doesn't always mean audible laughter is happening, but I promise you I was ROTFL'ing so damn hard that I hit my head on hardwood. I am not proud, yet I am not ashamed.

"Snowmobiling, ice fishing, hunting ... there are lots of great things for the Packers to do in Wisconsin now that their season is over!"

Schadenfreude is a German word meaning "pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others." Generally the word evokes a negative connotation; if schadenfreude appeals to you, you're a mere "hater" or "miserable jerk".

"HAHAHHAAHHAHAAHHAAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

The above tweets (@alexquigley) were three of mine. But none of mine were as schadenfreude-laden--or as awesome--as this Lance Briggs (@55berger) gem:

"Hey rodgers...discount double check."

If you saw that appear in your timeline during the Packers' collapse, you either 1) retweeted it immediately 2) said "oh SNAP" or 3) retweeted it old-school with the "RT" and an addendum of "oh SNAP." That it came from a Bears Pro Bowler in a most public setting made it oh-so-much-more juicy. It's everything I love about sports and the Bears-Packers rivalry in particular.

Don't get me wrong, people who cause actual physical harm or damage due to sports are morons, be they fans of my favorite teams or my most hated rivals. But just as you can bask in the vicarious thrill of your favorite team winning it all, you should embrace the schadenfreude of your oldest rival completely pooping their pants on national TV. At home. By 17 points.

"If you think about it enough, 15-2 really isn't all that bad of a football season. Right?"