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Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Well, it's New Year's Eve, and that means you've got two things on the brain right now: dieting and booze. Since it's somewhat difficult to find cakes celebrating diets (which is really a shame; I'm holding out for the "all cakeycarbs" diet) let me see what kind of alcohol-themed stuff I can dig up for you.

Uh, this looks more like a bottle of hair tonic than alcohol. (Not that I've ever *seen* a bottle of hair tonic, of course; I just imagine it would look like this.) Sorry, I'll keep looking.

Hm. Well, John and I are still debating just what the heck this is, but I think it might be an exploding champagne bottle. (John sees one of those holiday crackers that you pull open.) The one thing we both agree on is that it's butt-ugly. [evil grin]

Moving on...

Very, uh, "creative". Can you picture the conversation that led to this cake order?

"We need a cake for Bob.""Ok, what does he like?""Beer."

I have a friend who used to drink orange juice with his chocolate cake, but I'm pretty sure even he would agree that drinking beer with cake is just wrong. Blech.

And while we're on the subject, let me wrap up with a little PSA: folks, tonight when you're out partying, please think of others. Please, don't drink and decorate. Don't let this happen to you or someone you love:

[shaking head sadly] Granted, it was considerate of the wreckerator to provide little bottles of "blur vision"for those unfortunate souls who will have to EAT the cake, but that hardly excuses the drunken airbrush weaving, the gold and purple shoelaces, or the [closing eyes] margarita candles. Not to mention the mystery foam, construction-paper lettering, or bizarre green-striped chocolate "ladies". Yikes. So remember: this New Year don't get mad, get C.L.A.D.D. (Cake Lovers Against Drunk Decorating).

By the by, I verified that this was indeed listed on a "professional" bakery's website. A website which, oddly enough, is no longer operational. Go fig.

Hi. Regarding that "mystery foam", I think if you look closely you'll begin to see what is (I think) the form of a woman, reclining, with one leg draped over the side of the cake, the other with knee bent (as if that foot were resting upon the edge of the cake). And then there are the two round "projections". Need I describe what they might be? "But," you say, "what about the head?" Well, apparently, that seems to have melted, or got bashed in by an errant finger. That someone actually had the cajones to publish this photo on their website speaks volumes about not only their talent but (more important) their taste. Hideous. Truly, deeply, painfully hideous.

You clearly just haven't been introduced to the right beer. Certainly, serving Budweiser with cake would be filthy. But there are any number of chocolate/coffee based stouts and porters which would do a good job.

Dogfish Head, a smallish brewery based in Delaware, sells a barley wine which would probably go fabulously well with the right kind of cake.

It's just a matter of finding a drink rich enough to go with a food like cake.

I think the mystery foam on top is a chick. I see a leg dangling down the cake, another propped up and I think you might have missed the opportunity for a black bar where her boobies are. Although, it did take a few minutes for me to see that, so it might not exist...

That last one is likely to only get eaten AFTER the celebrations are over, you need something, anything to get you going and you can't see straight.Also, everything else in the room will look just like this by now so it will look much more appealing....unlike now where it just looks like throw up.:)

Uh... sadly I don't think that is "mystery foam"... unless my 9-month-pregnant-brain is making up for something by seeing inappropriate shapes... I *believe* that is a misshapen naked chick with one knee up and head thrown back. (Now I kind of want it to go back to being mystery foam!)

I think that is the one exception to the rule that beer and cake do not go together. I wouldn't have believed it...but there is something about the barely sweetened icing, the richness of the cake, and that beer that really works.

Good God, you make me laugh everyday! The last one was hilarious! I can't imagine why they weren't successful. Maybe they needed to have a location closer to one of the trailer parks I grew up in. Location, location, location...

I have forwarded your sight on to my friends and family. I have them all on the hunt for a wreck to send in.

Jeeze guys, haven't ya ever had beer cake? Or is this some sort of redneck tradition? Well, ok, I've never made beer cake with bud. But trust me when I say that generally speaking beer cake is quite deeeeeelicious.

Well personally, being a "New Yoiker" I think the A train cake is right on for the 'hood. Lots of bling and spray paint to boot! (I am, of course, assuming that someone made this as a joke, right? Otherwise it would just be too awful to contemplate)

I actually love the beer cake. I wish someone would make one for me! (I'd actually prefer a pear cider - hint, hint...) I agree with the mystery foam being a (horribly disfigured) naked lady *shudder* Keep up the "good" work!!!

My 5 yr old was looking at the cake pictures with me and when I got to the orange one, with the, um polka dots? She pointed and asked.. "Why does it have GRASS in it!? Is that a pinata?!" lol too funny

Before reading a word of today's post I was completely puzzled by number one, I thought it was some sort of bizarre shark... then I read and obviously it does look like a martini glass. Though I agree that ONE olive would be much more appropriate.

Number Two. Moonshine all the way.

Number 3. Something about the way the end is "tied" makes me think of papier mache stuff we made in elementary school. When you'd blow up a balloon then papier mache, let that dry, then pop the balloon. Anyone? Anyone? Well, maybe they used a small regtangular mylar balloon and never popped it...

A couple months back I was watching Amazing Wedding Cakes show where a cake was ordered with beer flavor. The couple's favorite holliday was Halloween so it was a spider web cake (red velvet) with beer flavored buttercream filling.

"Well, it's New Year's Eve, and that means you've got two things on the brain right now: dieting and booze."

I nearly spit out my tea when I read that! #3 is a pineapple, with tinsel leaves and a few pieces of giant confetti. Or colourful tropical mold.

The beer bottles in the beer cooler cake look empty. Come on, if you're going to spring for a fancy cake, you can afford a six-pack of 'Bud' to put in it. Or... stay with me... a higher quality beer. That someone went to all that trouble for Budweiser is entertaining.

What do you mean cake and beer don't mix? In one otherwise bland business meeting, we had both beer and cake. Chocolate raspberry cake. Plus, we were allowed to consume the cake and the beer before and during the presentations and such. Relaxed the atmosphere quite a bit ;)

Along with the other approx. thirty-five people who obviously do not read the responses before posting their own, I say that the white "foam" is a white chocolate "lady." I can post this again if this addition to the dozens of other posts that say the same thing aren't enough. Sheesh.

couple things here, first to "anonymous" fussing about all the reposts..before they are moderated you cant see the others and then when there are several maybe you dont have the time to read every one.

Next, i really do like the beer cooler cake. i think new years i think football...not diet and booze, i know SEVERAL peps who would love a tailgating beer cake!

Ok, I stand firm with Jen on the CCC issue. And in a way, this one just makes my point. It's kind of cute, and almost not a wreck, but it is going to be just as messy and over-frosted as every other CCC. The irony is, most of the justifications for CCCs (which I don't buy anyway) DO NOT APPLY to people who are old enough to be served cakes shaped like alcoholic beverages! So why not make a proper cake, which would be even cuter?

As for the last two, I suspect they're both just painted styrofoam. Seriously, is there any cake under there at all?

Being that the last cake says "A Train", I think the drunken airbrushing is meant to look like a subway car bombed out with spray paint. (Though I'm on the A train line and the only grafitti these days is done with acid or scratched on the surface. Not very colorful at all.)

Actually a cake that looked like a grafitti covered subway car would be kind of cool, IF someone could actually make it look like one!

Well, assuming the beer-cooler cake was made to order, it's kinda hard to blame the decorator; after all, in the end they're being paid to produce what the customer asks for, even if it's dorky. The end result looks passable to me, considering it's a cake that also has to be a cooler.

Oops... on 2nd thought, I think the blasted pineapple and hair tonic bottles are BOTH supposed to be party poppers.Last night was New Years Eve here in Oz, and I saw more than my fair share of 'em.I hate the things. And the way I feel this morning.

I'm with Rima on that chocolate bunny/bondage thing. That was my first take...then I finished reading what Jen wrote. But what is that purple curtain thing? A window...a door to the club? These are the kind of wreckerators that need to have their airbrushes disconnected from the compressors.

Did kind of like the CCC...definitely one olive.

My husband agrees that the orange thingie is a party cracker.

The beer cake is kind of cool...but why? When you cut the cake do the ice cubes/water run all over the table or is the beer in a rigid container? Way too many questions.

I think the "cracker" is a pineapple too! I thought that's for sure what it was when I first saw it (it's the green stuff coming out of the top--or what I have deemed the top, it's actually the bottom in this picture--that does it for me) and the more I looked at it the more i doubted myself (WTF is that grey swirly stuff on it? Why are there random bits of neon orange marshmallow looking things?)...but I'm glad to know I'm not alone!

I definitely see the nekid lady on top of the fourth cake, but the decor on the around the bottom looks like chocolate covered dog biscuits to me! Guess I've spent too much holiday time handing out treats to my pooch. Happy New Year everyone!

One olive would suffice. It's still ugly. The orange thing. My cat ate tinsel at Christmas. I changed their food. I found an sparkly orangish thing in the litter box. Now we know what the orange cake commemorates.

The beer coolers is actually pretty neat. Hubby would like it.

The other monstrosity looks like a pimps birthday cake. A Train, the pimp in his party palace with da ladezz.

wvotd shuto..."A Train hustled his way through the party. His flared pants and platform shoes making a shu to, shu sound as they brushed the 2 inch long nap on the shag carpet"

Here I am again, in my own little world...What I *saw* when gazing upon the martini cake (for that magical first moment) was a scan of some very unfortunate person's lower gastrointestinal tract. One with some serious-looking growths crowding into the abdominal cavity, at that. Cake diagnosis: terminal.As for the "celebrate" bottle cake--it brings me in mind of an old-fashioned, glass, hospital urinal for the bedridden. A full one, too!=^()()^=

While not arguing about the supposed tastefulness of beer on a cake, I do know that the beer bottles are made from sugar (toffee) and are shaped in a food safe latex mould. The ice is also made from sugar.

My first comment ever on this blog - but I've been following it for a while and love your work!

@ Tatersmama's party popper suggestion - having seen a few of them last night myself, the streamer bits come from the other end... so the "Celebrate" one would be upside down in that case too. Re the "pineapple" LOL, maybe if there was *one* string from the narrow end (but the "bubbles" at the other end are still mysterious)...

Weirdly, I found the martini and beer ones kinda cute ;-)

@ Anonymous complaint - I would have thought anybody submitting a comment would realise they're moderated and note the time stamps on all the "copycat" ones???

And finally, WV: swelsib - What a swell sib for buying me such a "groovy" cake?

The hair tonic one made me think of the musical Sweeney Todd when Toby is selling Pirelli's Miracle Elixer, Sweeney Todd says it's "nothing but an errant fraud, concocted from piss and ink." Or in this case, piss and food coloring.

For some help overcoming the "no beer with cake" thing, this might help give some ideas beyond the obvious stout connection (and people, please, "Guinness" isn't a style, and it's by no means the be-all and end-all of cream stouts). I can personally lend a big thumbs-up to the double IPA/carrot cake connection. Actually the only way I can stomach carrot cake (the stuff's just too sweet on its own).

I am sorry but i LOVE the Beer cooler cake (although I would never drink the CRAP BEER they have in it- some good imported AlE... oh yeah)!!! I have two Beer lover friends and this would be the perfect cake for thier birthdays. Jessica M

Beer with cake, blech? No way! Especially beer with CHOCOLATE CAKE! I am a baker and I adore beer with cake. But, you pretty much have to love beer and cake to enjoy them together. If you only tolerate beer, chances are you'll be grossed out at the thought of them together.

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