Worried Mom of one

My only chid will be turning 7 in couple of months while I will be turning 40 and my husband is 46. We've tried to have a second one for two years now, but it did not work. I get concern that he will be alone and may not have anybody when he grows up but at the same time if I get pregnant now the age gap is far enough that it will not be help this concern anyways. I have three siblings and we (sadly) are not close to each other. We do get along for a little then there's always misunderstandings, so i just try to stay away when i can. Financially we are better now, my husband actually has part time job in addition to full time just so we can save now for his college. If I have a second one, I don't know if we can help either one with college. Most parents I talk to however don't save or plan on helping with college, so they have two or three kids. Also my age will I think, have more chances for pregnancy problems or baby issues. I sometimes feel like I should give it another year to try but I don't know if this is smart financially as now we can spend more time together. If I have a second one I will have to use day care as I work full time but will not be able to save. I sometime feel the guilt and I've been going back and forth with this. I dont want to look back five years from nowand say i shoud have given it another try. I would appreciate any advise from moms of one and from moms whose only child is now teenage or older, how are they being the only chid? any regrets on moms part to have another one?

Comments (14)

I feel the urge too and I would definitely want more if I have more money! My DH feel pretty strongly not to have a second one so that is that...
But yesterday I was just did a calculation on the web regarding how much do I need to retire or save each month in Ira ... It's ridiculous!!
My job is pretty physically straneous and I really don't want to work beyond 55 let alone 65 and beyond... Was thinking to move to a better school town, but I think I'll stick to mediocre and make sure my DD gets into a lot of tutoring and extracurricular activities! And hope she will be top students in her class...

I just wanted to chime in on your concerns about the age gap. I have one brother and he's 9 1/2 years older than me. He named me, in fact. I was supposed to be Mark but I turned out to be the only girl born in this generation of my family. My parents couldn't agree on a name and he came in and named me.

We were not especially close growing up. There were moments - he was cute with me when I was a baby, he taught me to hit a baseball (still pretty good), we played video games together when an Atari console was the hot, new toy (yes, I'm dating myself). He tried to be more of a father figure but I was only too happy to tell him he wasn't my parent and point out his shortcomings.

He was doing his own thing when my father died in 1990 but he was unemployed and living at home when my mother died in 1993 - I was 23, he was 33. It would be 10 years before either of us would have steady SOs and eventually get married. During that time, we shared the family house, dogs, I had a job and worked and my paycheck keep us afloat....barely. He did eventually get a job and life got much easier. It was during this 10 years that we became very close siblings as adults. The even playing field of adulthood smoothed out everything. We never argue or fight. Things that could tear other siblings apart, inheritance and such, is a non issue because one never leaves the other out. We easily acquiesce to one another as long as there is a legitimate reason...made easier because we don't lie to each other. I can call him day or night and he'd be here.

I realize this is not many people's experience with large age gaps and siblings but I wanted to point out, it's not impossible or unheardof to have a close relationship with a much older or younger sibling.

Thank you all for your time and comments, i appreciate it. Most of them validates the thoughts of my husband and I. More like my husband's, for example when I said to my husband that my son will need somebody, he said he will have a wife and children and his own family. I did talked to my son last night a bit about having sibling and he said at first that he does not know and then he said yes I want a sibling. I'm not sure that he completely understands. Most of his response are based on wanting to have company and he said he will help me out with chores if i would have a baby. Let's see about that :). He could be good sometimes, but sometimes he acts up too. then as the conversation went on he said that he remembers that when he was in kindergarten his teacher asked them to draw their brother or sister and he said he is the only one in class who had none. This is the first that I've heard of this, although everyday I try to talk to him of what went on in school. He does not really ask for sibling unless I bring up the subject. My husband and I are good just the two of us, he is not the type who likes kids but he is the best husband, he takes care of me more like his baby (more than my son), one reason why i never insisted on having a baby until 6 years of our marriage. Again,thank you all for the advise. I now feel better about this. In fact I turned 40 today and I feel good and happier today turning 40 than when I turned 38. Part of it is reading all your comments and stories and I'm okay with this. We can retire early in life, hoping for 55 (if so), travel more and provide more to my son. Hope it's not being selfish to think of it this way.