Welcome

Welcome to the POZ Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and
others concerned about HIV/AIDS. Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the
conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning: Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive
and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a
username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own
physician.

All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators
of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ community forums.

We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please
provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are
true and correct to their knowledge.

It's not what kills us that matters. It's what makes us live and what we do with our lives that counts. I'd say it depends on your outlook and what you want to focus on. If you focus on dying, you'll lead a pretty miserable existence and probably waste a lot of great opportunities.

I couldn't have said that any better, Steve.

I also believe that the best we can do is live our lives the best we can (despite any limitations) and keep aware of any potential for love. Unlike sex, falling in love, being in love, or growing together in love can't be made to order. Love decides that, not us. Itís out of our hands.

I found love after diagnosis. We have been together for 3 years now. We have a great life and we met online. Never give up hope. Love may not turn out to be exactly what you thought it would be in the clouded dreams of youth, but love finds us in many unexpected places at different times. Always keep faith you will find someone to love you and you can love in return. It will find you when you least expect it. Trust me. If I can find a cowboy in the middle of nowhere who accepts me for who I am, anyone can!

I know that CowboyPoz's response above was totally well-intentioned, and that my response here is colored by my own recent experiences. But how does anyone really know for certain that they will find someone to love and who will love them in return? Life has very few guarantees, except that one will eventually die.

I agree that one has to remain hopeful if they expect to meet someone. But I also think that one should learn to be happy even if they don't find that special someone. Unfortunately for me, I don't think I've achieved either of these yet.

Regards,

Henry

Logged

"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love." - Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

To answer your query Queen, I have lived in both Michigan and Florida and they both have laws, that cover everyone, that makes it illegal for you to disclose the HIV status of another person. I have never heard of anyone being prosecuted under the law, but I have made reference to it a few times, just to shut other people up about disclosing my status. I will try and get copies of both and post them in another thread.

All effort to explain this topic in Dr. Philism's aside, most folks get their definition about romance by watching some Stepford looking couple hawking for eharmony.com and believing that their "soulmate" (whatever the hell that means) is just $49.99 and a click a way. If a couple of tubbies from Boise can find it, why can't I? The scripted answer is always you can't find love until you learn to love yourself. You're still are a dick, but if you find someone to put up with you, you somehow turned that magic corner and found self-love. What's probably closer to the truth is you stopped acting like a dick (for the time being) in order to snag someone. I think the statistics on the success rates of marriage alone bears that out.

You see we don't know what we're talking about. Our perception of romance is based on an illusion. If we were having this discussion a short two hundred years ago you would be negotiating with farmer Brown for the amount of cows needed to snag his daughter and that would suffice for romance.

Matty the Damned has learned that, AIDS or no AIDS, romance is dead. He has resigned himself to a life of crushing loneliness and bitter isolation.

You can draw from that what you will.

MtD

While that may be the "realist" version of the situation, its kind of a bleak view of the world, dontcha think?

It may be new age-y, and maybe I'm not the one to be dispensing advice, but I think we get back what we put out into the world. If we believe there is someone out there for us who will love us on our terms and accept us, flaws and all, that person will find us. But if we stick to the belief that its hopeless,that no one will ever be able to see past a status or a habit or an illness, thats exaactly what Karma sends our way. Thats true no matter WHAT your situation in life is.

You may not even realize that you're thinking that way, but the proof is in the results.

I dunno, Matty. I could let the "realities" of my life get me down, or I can pick myself up, dust myself off and CHOOSE to live the life I have. Am I perfect at it? - of course not! But at least I try and my life has been MILES better when I take the time to change my frame of mind. Even if I fall down again, its better to look up than to look back down at the ground.

What do you have to lose except your crushing lonliness and bitter isolation?

To answer your query Queen, I have lived in both Michigan and Florida and they both have laws, that cover everyone, that makes it illegal for you to disclose the HIV status of another person. I have never heard of anyone being prosecuted under the law, but I have made reference to it a few times, just to shut other people up about disclosing my status. I will try and get copies of both and post them in another thread.

Killfoile, Thanks because they sure don't make it know that it is illegal for anyone to disclose another's status. I think I definitely have a case.

After reading some of the posts, I will say there sure are some jaded mofos here... I think I am worth more than some stinking ass cow. But I see the points that are being made. I know love don't pay the bills but I would like to know that my potential partner sees me as more than just a piece of ass.

Killfoile, Thanks because they sure don't make it know that it is illegal for anyone to disclose another's status. I think I definitely have a case.

After reading some of the posts, I will say there sure are some jaded mofos here... I think I am worth more than some stinking ass cow. But I see the points that are being made. I know love don't pay the bills but I would like to know that my potential partner sees me as more than just a piece of ass.

Yes girl, you're worth way more than a cow. I'm just sayin' the times dictate our perception of love and romance.

After reading this entire thread I'm still not sure what the purpose of it is.

It's an appropriate thread since Valentine's Day is coming up.

see John started a thread about how even though he has HIV, his life isn't over but he realized that finding love might be complicated by having HIV. MtD basically told him to give it up because aids was going to kill him so love was out of the question and betty said love wasn't worth looking for because she was old and tired of the jerks.

obviously MtD and Betty have had some previous run-in with John and gave some rather harsh answers. I thought it was pretty crappy of them to reply in someone else's thread this way. (IMHO If you don't like a thread, don't reply. Go start your own thread.) Rather than bitch back at MtD or cry foul to a mod, I stepped in with my own personal love story of losing one partner and gaining another - a story about how even though I'm older and sicker and wasn't even looking, love still found me. (For all the times that I've said depressive things and been slammed, I find it all amusing that it would be me spreading optimism this time.) John seemed to think that many pozzies had given up on love for the most part and I tried to explain that some have and with very valid reasons; but just having HIV is not a valid reason by itself.

then many more chimed in on their thots about love, while Dachshund kept bringing up Dr. Phil and you asked what's it all about. I would say that's it'a a potpourri of thoughts about love.

Happy Valentine's Day to you all!mikie

Logged

leatherman (aka mIkIE)

All the stars are flashing high above the seaand the party is on fire around you and meWe're gonna burn this disco down before the morning comes- Pet Shop Boys chart from 1992-2015Isentress/Prezcobix

After reading this entire thread I'm still not sure what the purpose of it is.

Well as usual the thread has been hijacked off topic. I'm pretty sure the original poster wanted to hear a few success stories from people who've found love only to be buried by posts that love doesn't exist. To those people all I can say is love is what you make of it. If you can't show love to others, you'll never see it yourself. Love isn't dead but if you blind yourself to the possibilities, you'll never see it yourself.

I've had tons of dates (not sex hook-ups - that would fall under the scientific calculator quantifier) and I've met them in everything from bars, volunteering, school, work, on the street and through friends.

Not sure how that helps you or what your question as it is phrased has to do with HIV, but there you go.

As for responses, fortunately Steve A and Leatherman and John2038 don't get to make that decision for us. If that's how we want it we should either not start a post or list all the people we don't want responding or what preconceived answers we would like to hear. Sometimes a differing opinion may even make you think. Buy and large threads like this are all anecdotes anyway, none more valid than the other.

obviously MtD and Betty have had some previous run-in with John and gave some rather harsh answers. I thought it was pretty crappy of them to reply in someone else's thread this way. (IMHO If you don't like a thread, don't reply. Go start your own thread.) Happy Valentine's Day to you all!mikie

Mikie, if you have a problem with me, pm me 'cause I have no problem responding if you do.

Logged

I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Sniping and name calling are really a waste. (Yep, I just scroll on past some of you guys who can't seem to resist dragging everyone down at nearly every turn.)

Give me a break. The passive aggressive brigade loves it. It gives them every opportunity to lecture while supposedly remaining above the fray. If you scroll past then how in the hell do you know if people are sniping and name calling? If you really didn't care you wouldn't take the time to respond at all.

OK, I'm going to weigh in here with some Pearls of Wisdom and state that if you sucked chunks with romance before HIV you're still going to suck chunks after infection. If you didn't then I see no reason not continue down the road of Romance Master afterwards.

I picked up trade in the subways before my infection and continued to do so afterwards. Such is life.

And yeah, that's my idea of romance. If you don't like it then I don't know what to say. And yes, that's how I met my last boyfriend.

Hmmm, maybe it is just me but I didn't see anything wrong with John starting this thread. Yes, some here are quite jaded and that includes myself to a point. I have often felt like giving up on love and for the moment, I am not looking even though I do have a date tonight... Do I expect it to be love at first sight? Not really but it's getting me out of the house. I guess when it comes to love, the bottom line is nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I don't slam those who thinks love is for fools, it is their opinion and they are entitled to it. I just feel that circumstances has brought them to feel the way they do. I think some of the jaded comments are comical but then I do have a dry sense of humor. Some choose to remain alone, that's cool too. I am sure they are making love to their hand or like me their vibrators. Thank the Goddess for batteries!!!

What I find humorous are the comments about passive aggressive behaviors, as if that sort of behavior is somehow worse than obvious aggressive behaviors! To each their own.

I kinda think they are "worse"...cuz they're cloaked in such a way that they're sort of dishonest and chicken shit. Like if I thought you were very often a real prick, for example, it would be better (IMO) to just come right out and say so than to try and find some round about, under-handed way of "saying it without saying it"...don'tcha think?

Hops none of you will be upset by this question. Just decided to make it happen. Well, we all have been there no ?

Just in case the "Love Bites Brigade" missed the original question. He asked how you met your partners. He didn't ask what you thought of love or the lack there of. That's what I meant by thread hijacking.

Just in case the "Love Bites Brigade" missed the original question. He asked how you met your partners. He didn't ask what you thought of love or the lack there of. That's what I meant by thread hijacking.

Oh well, I am not part of the Love Bites Brigade...... And I'll be the first to say that I missed the original question. I guess I just got caught up in Leatherman's posts..... My name is Akasha and I'm just a sucker for love.

Some personal thoughts in bulk (talking to myself - I won't take the risk to advise people):

Believe in love (life or just love) requires more strength than to let everything go.

Dying and say: I still have years to live when I had dropped everything .. No

But:Eat balanced, do sport, free your spirit with music, movies, making acquaintances, just smile, dream.Write a book, visit some places, whatever. ENJOY. Life IS beautiful. Show our partner that you feel good, no matter what is the truth.Be proud of each others. Avoid acting like a POZ with no powers, no dreams and no hopes. It's useless and won't help.

Love the life and just love, the one depend of the other. Start where you feel you can. Everything might follow. Wear your shoes, run, you are alive. Don't read, do it.

Steve, we are allowed to post our opinions on here. It's not thread-hijacking; just honest viewpoints.

When you take over a thread and take it down a tangent that the original poster didn't ask about, it's thread hijacking. I have no problems with people sharing opinions on the subject if they are actually answering the questions that were put forth. I'm not saying you personally set out to hijack it but the answers being posted had nothing to do with his actual question. He asked for anecdotes of how people met their partners. He didn't ask if love was real or if it was worth going for or any of the other tangents that people went off on.

As for what's allowed, I never said anyone shouldn't post their opinions. That was somebody else. Unfortunately I've had my share of people here targeting my posts with vitriol simply because they decided to not like me without ever taking half a chance to get to know me. Sorry if I feel like standing up for other people I see in the same position. We're all human and we're all fighting a difficult fight. It's sad to me that some people choose to fight each other instead of offer support.