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Friday, 22 June 2012

I thought that I was done with articles about children and
what we expose them to all in the name of trying to be cool parents, parents
that know what’s up, that want to show that they have the money to provide
everything for their children and also want their kids to go show off in school
amongst their friends that their parents can afford to buy just about everything
for them, especially latest technology. But I have children and I owe it to
people to understand that there are something’s that we are doing wrong. When
we say that the younger generations are coming up with all sorts of things and
we are worried about what life holds for us because they are the future
generation, but if we do not start to model their minds, their thought processes,
the way they think to the right direction then we have not been able to achieve
anything, we haven’t put them in the right state of mind, we haven’t shown that
they have to go through the right path.

I’m a bit worried because everything that is evil, everything
that is sinful, everything that is pornographic, everything that is
inappropriate is free right now as opposed to before where you had to sign up
and become a member of something on the internet for you to have access to
things or you have to pay to have access to things or where you have to put
your birth date to prove that you are of age. Gone are the days were they used
to do that to ensure that children are not exposed to things, gone are the days
when parents are very strict in their houses where once it’s 9 o’clock you have
to be in bed and get ready for school the next day, on school nights you can
only watch TV for one hour just so that your brain is fresh and there’s a bit
of entertainment in it that would boost creativity, you can only watch TV during
the weekends. Gone are those days were we
monitor everything our children watch, were we take out time to buy the DVD’s
that are appropriate for them, watch it first and make sure that the content is
good enough, we are too busy to do that. Gone are the days were we would sit
with them and know what their teachers are teaching them and know exactly what
it is that they know. Sometimes we come home and our children say things or
sing things and we are wondering where did you learn this from, where did you
hear this from. I know that we can’t be with them 24/7 but the truth is there
is an extent to which we can try to make some sacrifices to pay attention to
your children who are more important than any other thing. Gone are the days
were you sit with them and know what they watch so that you know the names of
these people, the things that they do because now we find that their role
models who are on different children’s channels that we get from cable stations
have started kissing, dressing very skimpy and doing all sorts of things and
our young children just feel that that’s the way to go because they love these
people. They are not aware that their role models are growing up and most of
the episodes of the shows that they love and they are watching now are things
that were shot 4 or 5 years ago so now when they see these their role models
doing all sorts of things they think it’s still ok, after all my role model is
a young child like I am but that not true.

We have to be able to take care of our children and monitor what they do
especially now that most schools give our children the types of homework that
even you as a parent cannot understand or you don’t even know. As a parent I
find myself asking my sisters, asking my friends, going to the internet before
I am able to answer questions because
sometimes you wonder if they haven’t taught the children these things how else
do they expect them to do it if not that they expect their parents to
participate and spend time doing their school work with them so that they can
help them do the research but most parents that are busy who have to go to work
so that they can afford the schools that they send their children to might not
have the time in the world to sit down and start to do research so most of the
time we don’t make it easier for ourselves because most of the parents I know
don’t employ nannies that are educated and most of the time you cannot even
find educated people who want to be nannies so you find out that most of the
people that you have are not educated and that’s why they are doing the kind of
work that they do. So most parents take the easy way out by giving their children
access to the internet so they can find the answers to their assignment, so
that even when you come back from work you are not saddled with all those
questions you might not be able to answer. Sometime you’re tired, its either
you want to cook, make phone calls or try to rest and that is the wrongest time
to pull out your laptop to try and go on the internet to find out things for
your child. Only a few people who have strength and are extremely determined to
actually sacrifice that time and monitor what their children are doing
,especially on the net.

I am insisting on writing another article about
this internet thing because I have done different experiments and different
researches and something shocked me.
A friend of mine was talking to me about something that she saw on her
daughter’s laptop and I asked to see. Now, I’m sure most of you know that you
can check the history of all the sites that have been visited on a laptop, when
I opened the history on the child’s laptop I actually saw like 3 or 4 different
pornography sites, from soft porn to hard core porn. I was so shocked and embarrassed
on her behalf, I asked how she got access to these sites, did she just type sex
videos or pornography, what could have come up in her head for her to go into
those sites and she said ‘Look, Stella, you are the one that knows how to
handle young girls why don’t you call her and talk to her. I don’t have to be
there, if I’m there she probably wouldn’t want to talk, she will probably
relate with you better. Can you help me find out what happened?’ So I sat with
her daughter, tried to make her very comfortable and I had a conversation with
her. I said to her ‘you are not a bad person; the fact that you’ve seen these
things doesn’t mean that you are a bad person. Truth is I want to help you so I
want to know how these things came in. If you like to see sites like this it
doesn’t mean that you are a bad person it just means that you have an issue
that we need to deal with and I am willing to help you deal with it but if you
didn’t go to those sites intentionally I
need to know how they came up on your laptop’ and she said to me ‘Aunty, I was
just innocently playing a dress up game, most of the time the models come up
only in their underwear and you have to dress them up and I realized that when
you dress them up and you move on to a model on another page, other sites start
to pop up so from dressing games, you see kissing games and dating games, when
you click it there are cartoon people that you have to make kiss when no one is
looking’ from what she explained I gathered that other things are linked to these
games that you didn’t plan to do, so all you really have to do is just click.
It is very difficult to tell a child that when you are doing this no matter
what pops up don’t look into it, even as adults when you are going through a
website you are in search of something, other things would pop up that are
related to the thing you are searching for and when you look at the related
materials you may just want to know more since you are on the internet already,
it’s just one click of the button and it can take you to places you never
expected to be and the unfortunate thing is that other tings pop up that look
more interesting and out of curiosity you just click and at that point you are
gone, it is something that pulls your mind inwards, it is something that’s so
attractive that you are just in another world especially when you are alone, no
supervision, nobody to monitor what you are doing. The internet just has a way
of pulling you into different worlds that would shock you. Even when you do not
like such things, even when you don’t want to be a part of such things or you
don’t want to practice such things the fact still remains that you are exposed
to those things.

Thursday, 14 June 2012

I was too stunned, confused and shocked to write anything
last week. On the first of June I was at home trying to make a decision whether
to go to Lagos from Abuja on Saturday the 2nd or Sunday the 3rd. I had two
events on Saturday that I really did not think I had the energy for, seeing
that I just finished filming my short film "When Is It Enough". I
just wanted to rest on Saturday and then head to Lagos on Sunday because I was
to co-host the Miss Global beauty pageant.Truth is I finally made up my mind to go on Sunday so that I could rest on
Saturday. So Saturday morning came and I packed my suitcase with clothes for
just the Sunday event and for my trip to America. I also tried to call my agent
to book my flight to Lagos the next day Sunday with Dana because it became my
favorite airline. I even made friends with the staff and their pilot. The
network was so bad that I could not reach my agent. Then I got a call from my
friend and brother Lamboghinny who told me to try and come to Lagos so I could
at least honor a friend of ours at their wedding that Saturday. I also got a
call from my partner Daniel who urged me to also attend an award so I could
help him pick up his award should he win. These are two people I respect so
much so I hurriedly carried my suitcase without taking any extra dress for the
events of that day, and went straight to the airport. I realized that the Dana
flight for that day was too late and since I wanted to go for the two events I
decided to go with IRS which was very rare.

Anyway I got to Lagos and immediately called two of my
friends "Olan and Exquisite Boutique who had stores to send some clothes
to my hotel so I could pick something to wear for that evening. Luckily I found
something and went for my events. Saturday ended so well and I was looking
forward to the next day so I could perform my duties. Everything went on well
that Sunday till it was an hour before the show, I finally saw my co host
"Uncle Israel" who was apologizing for not showing up earlier. He
looked so distraught and very confused as he kept shaking his head. I was a bit
worried because we had to host the show together so I asked him what the
problem was and that was how I heard about the fatal crash of the airline that
I was supposed to take on the day I wanted to travel, with the same friendly
crew I wanted to see again. I was in so much shock that I didn't know what to
say or think and I blanked the information out for a few minutes. That did not
last for long because my phone started buzzing every second with family and
friends who knew Dana was my preferred airline and who also knew I was supposed
to be in town from Abuja. I still did not get the full picture till my mother
called me crying and saying that even though she had heard from my sisters that
I was okay she just wanted to hear my voice after she saw the report and clip
on CNN. Then when people started sending different names
and pictures of people on the flight to my BB, I froze.

In all of this I had to go on stage and pilot an event so I
had to pull myself together. My co host and I did our best to be strong because
most of the people in the audience did not even know what was going on at that
time so we just asked them to observe the one minute silence. As the event
progressed I saw some people running outside with their phones on their ears,
so yes, I knew that the information had started spreading.

After the show I
went to my hotel with a couple of friends and I broke down into a state of
depression.First thing that came into my mind was the State of Mind of the people on that
flight the moment they realized they were going to crash.I asked myself "what could they have been thinking?" "would they have all been shouting Jesus,
Jesus?" “The people that had their children with them,
would they be crying for themselves or for the lives of their children whom
they could not save?" “What does it
feel like to face death in that manner and be helpless?All sorts of questions came to my mind. Then I thought "what about those
people who did not buy tickets, who did not board any flight, who did not even
leave their homes, who just wanted to rest on Sunday and prepare for work or
school, who did not go out looking for anything?” After that I started thinking
of what some Pastors said during the time of Pastor Bimbo Odukoya and that got
me so angry. One of them actually said “Well, Let God's will be done, it was
their time and as God gives so shall he take". That was the most
insensitive thing I have ever heard. So I wondered what they would say now
knowing that these people did not have to die if not for the greed, negligence,
incompetence, lack of value for lives, property and inhumanity in the whole
system.

As we have heard and discovered, there was already a
complaint about that aircraft but the Pilot was still asked to fly the plane.Let me ask you "will shutting down Dana and giving the families money,
bring back these people who died unnecessarily?” if you had to fly within
Nigeria now, wouldn't you think twice and say extra prayers before you board? ,
If there is any small turbulence would you not get paranoid and start to mumble
blood of Jesus under your breath?I got a broadcast from an aviation magazine and I think I should share this
with you so you know exactly what we are dealing with here.

"Contrary to the Federal Government's promise to
release information from the black box about the crashed Dana aircraft and the
flight records of previous crashes to the public, investigation shows that the
promise might not be kept. The June 3rd Dana air crash, which killed 153
passengers on board in Iju, Ishaga, Lagos, had provoked public demand for the
release of the black boxes of aircrafts that crashed in the past. But the
Commissioner and Chief Executive officer of Accident Investigation Bureau,
Captain Muhtar Usman, in an interview said that such demands would not be met going
by the conventions of the International Civil Aviation Organisation, which
Nigeria had ratified. However, he said the practice had been for the AIB to use part of the
information to write its report, but would not wholly release the details as
contained in the flights records.He said "there is an international convention of the ICAO preventing us
from publishing the information from the black box the way it is. We can use
the information to write our report, but not to publish it the way it appears.
We have adopted ICAO rules"The implication of this is that Nigerians might not fully know the cause of the
Dana flight tragedy"

After reading this broadcast message I shook my head and
cried just a bit because once again Nigerians will blow hot air and react,
rally, demand for answers, talk and shout but in a matter of weeks it all dies
and goes away. This happens because we were not directly affected by this but I
refuse to accept that. I am directly affected because I am Nigerian and I feel
the pain of those related to the 153 people. I am affected because it could
have been me or my family. I am affected because shutting down the airline and
giving money does not guarantee that this will not happen again. I don't even
want to go over that list that shows you how old our aircrafts are because it
will make me even more paranoid. Where is that done? When countries reject
their aircrafts because of old age and engine malfunctions, NIGERIA buys them
off to transport its citizens. So regardless of what the black box reports are,
or how much these families are paid, we are still not safe at all.

Truth is that when things like this happen, after a few days
of crying and lamenting we all move on with our lives. After all I have been
informed that a whole family coming to attend a wedding was wiped out in the
crash but the wedding still went ahead with everybody celebrating and smiling
like nothing happened. At the end of the day even the affected family moved on
quickly with their celebrations.A few days after that we got the report that a flight that was supposed to land
in Abuja had to turn to Lagos because the lights went out on the runway.

How much of this will happen before we realize that we
are all walking time bombs just ticking.When I say Nigeria is blessed you might not understand. I say this because it
does not take rocket science to know that it is only God that has been
protecting us. With the issues we face in our country it is amazing how we
survive each day. From air travel, to bad roads that cause accidents, to the
kidnapping, to the bombing, to the rape, to domestic violence, to killing
boarding students, to the looting of our hard earned money, to fraud, to armed
robbery and so on.How many of these are being resolved the way they should be? How many of the
offenders are brought to book for us to see? How many of the victims get
justice? How many of these things can we confidently say were handled by the
government and the law that made us feel safe.All this in my head and I still wonder why I love my country so much, I still
wonder why I believe that Nigeria will survive, I still wonder why I am
confident that we are the best in the world, I still wonder why I believe that
God's hand is upon Nigeria.

My State of mind right now is unimaginable but in all of
this I know that God has a plan and I really can't wait for it to start
manifesting and come to pass in my lifetime.Quote: Remember the REDEMPTION SONG by Bob Marley. Start listening from
"Emancipate yourself from mental slavery".God save Nigeria.

Tuesday, 12 June 2012

Internationally acclaimed movie producer and director Daniel Ademinokan
has added another feather to his cap. This multi-talented filmmaker
recently revealed his plans to launch a fashion line he has named "Delta
Pikin".

Daniel who can be described as a lover of smart casuals says
that's exactly what "Delta Pikin" is about. He said, "We are making
t-shirts, jeans, face caps, sunglasses & sneakers. That's the first
stage."

At the moment he is in the US with designers and manufacturers
to put final touches to the product. He intends to launch it officially
in Nigeria soon with major outlets in Abuja, Lagos & Delta State.

As a proud Asaba girl, i cant wait to get some "Delta Pikin" clothes, sunglasses and face caps. Rep'n Delta all the way !!!

Monday, 11 June 2012

There are some things I would love to share with you from
time to time. I call them my favorite things. These are things that I like and
have affected me positively.I was reading my bible the other day which had some pearl pages for women by
Bishop T D Jakes. One of the pages really struck me. I realised that a lot of
women deal with all sorts of things within themselves, things that they can’t
share with anyone. They feel so alone and start to run away from people, then
eventually God, because they are probably ashamed of their past or their
weaknesses.I learnt that at that point all they need is prayers but trust me it becomes a
bit difficult to know what to say or how to say it. One thing I know for sure
is that everyone has their weaknesses and have made mistakes at one point in
their lives or another.Here are some beautiful prayer guidelines that Bishop T.D. Jakes wrote that
have helped me in so many waysO God, where are you? I need you now. Can you hear me? Do you care? I am down
to my last friend.I have done some awful thingsSick of feeling used instead of lovedSick of painting a smile on my face when inside I am screamingSick of dressing up a body that has lost its soulLord I don't want to feel filthyI just want to be cleanTouch my tears with your mercy and whisper hope for the future to meI want to climb up in your lap and be a little girl again innocent and newThey say you are the God of second chancesThe God of new beginningsYou are the only one I can count onFrom now on, I’m your womanI belong to you aloneBe my hero, my shelterBe my man and save me from shame.In Jesus name. AmenI came across another prayer guide from TD Jakes again and totally loved it.Lord, through the ages you have fought battles for your people.Now I need someone to fight for me. Someone who cares that I am daily ambushed and beaten up in the war zones
of work, worry and weariness.I have no safe place; no shelter no refuge where I can hide.There is such strife and unrest in the deepest parts of me. And I cry out for
you.There is a battle going on in me between what you say and what I think. I
cannot hear your still, small voice over the noise that rages inside of me.Be my guide, my guard, my light, my hero. Even when I am outnumbered, one word
from you can conquer every conflict, eliminate the enemy, and defeat the
destroyer. Come to my rescue, prince of peace.He also went on to encourage women: Your real value cannot be bought, applied, added on, hung from your ears, or
laid on your neck.The real thing that causes a man to need you so desperately he can’t leave you
is not what is on you but what is in you. Start appreciating yourselfSay this to yourself: "I’m valuable to GodI am somebodyYes I’ve been through some bad timesBut the lord touched me and loosed me and now I’m glorifying God and I am not
going back to where I came from.You need to recognise what God has put in you.God, when he made the woman, didn’t just decorate the outsideHe decorated the inside of the womanHe put beauty in her spiritThese words made me add more value to myself. I am sure most people have heard
and read things about me that are both true and untrue. Through it all, God has
been there for me. When I read words of encouragement like this, it reminds me
that there is more in me that no other person can see but God sees. He values
me, he heals me, he knows the real me, he accepts me, he never hurts me. That
is all that matters to me because if God before me, who can be against me.Another favorite thing for this edition is a wonderful poem written by my very
own personal assistant, friend and little sister Rumeh Ejoor.She walked up to me with the poem, she was asked to write it for a concert that
was held in honor of the crisis that was going on in Haiti and Jos. I read it
and I thought it was amazing, she told me that all she wanted to do was express
all the hurt she felt especially for the children that were missing, injured, rendered
homeless and worst of made orphans.BROKEN HUMANITYA hundred thousand people, feared dead.Thousands more, trapped in reckless buildings.Countless thousands, injured.Long queues of broken peopleBarely able to standCrowded around badly damaged hospitals.Are there any doctors on duty?Do they have any medical supplies?What about water and electricity?Is there foods anywhere?A child covered in blood and dustWanders around crying.Mummy, where are you?Another chills sits beside the body of his deeds fatherDaddy, daddy, wake up, I'm so hungry, he moans.Life has lost its meaningEveryday is a bitter struggle.A struggle to stay aliveAnd search for loved onesThousands of miles awayIn another continent far across the seasThings are no differentA battle of religionTakes on the proportions of an earthquakeIn the beautiful tourist region of Jos, NigeriaA fight between Muslims and ChristiansIn the name of Almighty GodThat destroys manCreated in the inane of that same GodHundreds of lives are lostHundreds more injuredHomes, businesses, burnt to ashesBroken lives litter the streetsWithout a bed to lay their headsIt will take a hundred days to clearThey say in HaitiThe government will enforce Law and orderThey say in JosTill then how will the people fare?Who will feed the children?Who will treat the wounded?Who will shelter the homeless?

Yes, we canYou and I, NigeriansWith a rich culture of warmth and hospitalityHand in hand, standing, shoulder to shoulderWe can heal thisBroken Humanity

Monday, 4 June 2012

There is so
much to talk about that I don’t even know where to begin. Let me skip some
experiences and land on the conversation I had with my aunty in my hotel room in
the UK. She asked me how Nigeria was and I said well we thank God. Of course I
knew she hated answers like that so I quickly apologised. In as much as I try
to be as positive as I can about every situation, it was slightly difficult to
talk about Nigeria in that manner. So I talked about the state of electricity,
roads, hospitals and doctor’s strike, bombings and the pain of the Christians
in these times, the cashless Nigeria which I think should be a topic for
another articles, then I got tired after I realised that I was sounding like a
nagging wife. Anyway as I rounded up she looked at me and laughed, then she
said " you know what" in her funny accent, "we are all facing so
much in the UK to the point that people here wanna come back home you
know". That shocked me a bit and before she opened her mouth something
came on TV, she took the remote and increased the volume, then she said please
watch this. It was on BBC and the presenter was at a site with pillars that had
missing metals, also different monuments that had broken and were vandalised.
Apparently the crime rate in the UK had tripled. People are stealing from
different places, warehouses, banks, etc to afford their drugs and food, all
because of David Cameron who came in and changed everything. Revoked benefits,
slashed salaries, rendered people jobless and homeless, and generally made life
unbearable for a lot of people.

I did not
realise how bad it was at that time till we changed the channel and saw an old
couple who were caught stealing from the pharmacy in a hospital because their
monetary benefits from the government had been cut. Now that was really scary,
and that was when I heard the full Gist of what was going on.In the UK now, even if you have
cancer and you were getting monthly allowances from the government because you can’t
work, the new policy which has changed is insisting that you must work unless
you can prove that you have a major relapse.On that same TV show I saw people signing so many
documents just to prove to the government that they are still entitled to the
benefits. These documents were the size of two huge concordance bibles joined
together and I am not exaggerating. All to collect as low as 250 pounds a
month.

Wow! Now that
threw me off balance a bit.

There was a
time when we all started laughing as the presenter said UK residents have all
become actors just to retain their benefits. He said even people whose diseases
are not that bad on paper, now go to the collection office with walking sticks
and neck braces just so people think their conditions are deserving of the
benefits.Even though that was funny it got me thinking.We all shout and rant and complain about our
country Nigeria, but the truth is that when the developed world and countries
were going through the economic meltdown, I don’t remember it really hitting
Nigeria or Nigerians. We were still going about our lives and businesses. When
they were laying off thousands of people from work we did not experience that.
When big shops and stores were shutting down all over the world it did not
affect us. When Dubai suffered economic loss because they invested in another
country, it did not affect us. When the hurricanes and floods rocked the world,
it did not come near us. Truth is we have had our own fare share of fuel
subsidy wahala, boko haram and the rest of them but we are not the only ones.
We seem to think that Nigeria is a lost cause but I beg to differ because
Nigeria is the hope of the world and the future. It may seem farfetched now but
it will happen.A few greedy, selfish and
evil men are not enough to destroy this wonderful country which God has blessed
with so much.

Anyway after
the TV show I realised that the same United Kingdom that so many people will
give up everything to live in, is having so many issues now. Two families I
know have come back home, businesses are coming back and foreigners who have
identified Nigeria as the next best thing are flooding in. From the movie
makers who have come to appreciate nollywood, to the pastors and gospel singers
who have come to love Nigerian churches, to the doctors from India and Germany
who have set up hospitals here, to the telecoms and cable tv providers who are
being made billionaires overnight because we have the power of numbers, to the
engineers who have been getting huge contracts just because of the colour of
their skin, to the professors who are in Abuja everyday getting approval to set
up American curriculum schools and so many others who find it easy to get what
they want because they know that once you are a foreigner and you have a great
accent you can have anything you want from the Nigerian government.I am not really sure I am thrilled
with this trend because I know how Nigerians labour and spend to get approvals
or contract from their own government.

Looking at it
positively, this also proves that there must be something outsiders are seeing and
that is why they are all running down here.Nigerians wake up and smell the coffee o; this
Nigeria that we are all condemning is the same place the whole world is rushing
to. If we can all just stop and think hard to find out what they are seeing and
how we can all benefit from it.It’s important to stand up for ourselves before it’s
too late. The time we spend in lamenting, let us spend it looking for
solutions. The good thing is that unlike other countries that have natural
disasters beyond their control, Nigeria only suffers from man made problems that
can be solved by God through man.

Yes we have
major issues and some are so painful. From armed robbery, to rape, to domestic
violence, to fraud, to child trafficking, to the government who have failed us,
to poor medical facilities and so much more.With all of this I refuse to give up on my
country.Let us all ask God for help now and make ourselves
available to be used as agents of change. The time is now.Stella’s Quote
of the day: This
is from a song "Andrew no check out o, stay and build your country,
Nigeria go survive.

About Me

Stella Damasus is a multi talented Actress, Singer, Speaker and Producer. Having over 100 films under her belt, she has worked with some of the greatest entertainers in Africa. Stella who is also a mother has been an actor for over two decades and is the Founder of the Stella Damasus Arts Foundation, ADIVA and is the Co-Founder of Index Two Studios, i2Radio and Mon Afrik TV