As many of you would know, a few months ago I moved in with my elderly father as a carer. He has no interest in the arts at all - and he definitely has nothing positive to say about my music or cartooning, both of which he sees as pointless.

Since moving in my creativity has noticeably dropped. It feels like there's a force constricting my ideas ... yes, I know it sounds new age, but that's just the sensation I feel.

I never thought about the impact of the people around you on your creativity, but it stands to reason that it's inspiring to hang out with creative people and deadening to always be with a creative null. It doesn't help moving from a vibrant inner city area to dad's place in the burbs.

exactly opposite here Polly...my landlord is a part time graffic artist, full time muscician, his brother is a concert promoter, that owns a big music festival here. my house is full of guitars, drums, keyboards. people always singing. traveling muscicians stopping by for random jams and to flop on the couch. we don't watch t.v in this compound, we play music.and how weird it is to have a lanlord say..." I don't care what the neighbor said, play your drums"

exactly opposite here Polly...my landlord is a part time graffic artist, full time muscician, his brother is a concert promoter, that owns a big music festival here. my house is full of guitars, drums, keyboards. people always singing. traveling muscicians stopping by for random jams and to flop on the couch. we don't watch t.v in this compound, we play music.and how weird it is to have a lanlord say..." I don't care what the neighbor said, play your drums"

It also works in reverse! Share your energy and creativity. It will have more impact than you think! Denis

Ha! I can't tell you how often I've played my music for dad, or given him my cartoons, art or writing. He has not said a good thing about a creative thing I've done in the last half century and has frequently said it was terrible. The best he's given me is "If it makes you happy ..."

Fathers! You can choose your friends but ...

The only sane response is to switch off and find more compatible people. Given that he needs me around most of the time this place is like an oasis for me!

True, my father played in a marching brass band in his earlier years, so he's got a musical knowledge, however, he never ever made a single positive comments about my drumming, it was always something negative about it, over the years it became very tiresome and hurting to hear such invariable comments, but on a Christmas holyday, while staying with us for a few days 4 years ago, he said "Son, you've have made good progress on the drums", hurray! it took me over 27 years to get that comment out of his mouth, at least I feel I've achieved something at last :))

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pollyanna

The only sane response is to switch off and find more compatible people. Given that he needs me around most of the time this place is like an oasis for me!

The vibes and feelings of our families does affect us in all the things that we do, for the best or the worse, music creativity is no exeption, when there's a bad or negative feeling floating around in the household, it does affect my playing and my creativity.

But I agree with you Polly, this place is indeed an "oasis" where we can share views and opinions in all the precious thing that we call drums and drumming, and we can share it regardless of our current moods with all the members here at DW. :))

Ah MAD, another victim of CFS - Critical Father Syndrome. 27 years ... geez, you wouldn't make your worst enemy wait that long! It should be said that Dad's very positive about my job, my cooking, cleaning, washing etc ... but not my creative pursuits. Says a fair bit, eh?

No point trying to wring blood from a stone ... just trying to work out how to keep that stone from weighing me down. Theoretically it should just be a matter of shaking off the negative energy but I haven't managed to put the theory into practice yet ...

We have to remember that our dads grew up in a much different time than we did, and their dad's before them. Dad's weren't supposed to say mushy things about how you look, or play, or draw. Mom's did that. Men were not supposed to share their feelings. They were meant to be strong and hard. Providers. I grew up in a family were my day never said anything positive about what you did, but then his dad was even worse than him. Luckily for my brother and I, my Mom more than made up for that, but it still can't replace the fathers reassurance. Even a couple of months ago when my dad was on his death bed, he could not tell me he loved me. He never once in my life said it.

Now we also have to remember that just because they don't say nice things to us, does not mean they are not thinking nice things. It was, and still is for many guys, very hard to get mushy with the people closest to them. Almost like it would be showing a sign of weakness to everyone.

I think what this tells us is just how important it is for all of us not to be afraid to tell our kids, or the ones we love, just how great we think they are. If you can tell some stranger on a drum forum how great his playing is, or how nice is stuff is, but can't turn around and tell Johnny, Suzy, or our significant other, how great they are, then you have a problem, and need to fix it right away. The people in our homes need to hear this stuff the most.

We have to remember that our dads grew up in a much different time than we did, and their dad's before them. Dad's weren't supposed to say mushy things about how you look, or play, or draw. Mom's did that. Men were not supposed to share their feelings. They were meant to be strong and hard. Providers. I grew up in a family were my day never said anything positive about what you did, but then his dad was even worse than him. Luckily for my brother and I, my Mom more than made up for that, but it still can't replace the fathers reassurance. Even a couple of months ago when my dad was on his death bed, he could not tell me he loved me. He never once in my life said it.

Now we also have to remember that just because they don't say nice things to us, does not mean they are not thinking nice things. It was, and still is for many guys, very hard to get mushy with the people closest to them. Almost like it would be showing a sign of weakness to everyone.

I think what this tells us is just how important it is for all of us not to be afraid to tell our kids, or the ones we love, just how great we think they are. If you can tell some stranger on a drum forum how great his playing is, or how nice is stuff is, but can't turn around and tell Johnny, Suzy, or our significant other, how great they are, then you have a problem, and need to fix it right away. The people in our homes need to hear this stuff the most.

Doctor Glen. :)

You know, when you write stuff like this, it makes it so hard to dislike you. Stop it!

Great post Glen and agree 1000%
If you don't tell someone you love them at least a couple times a day, there's something majorly missing in your life, possibly your soul.

Polly, I have been very fortunate to have supportive parents. They have always encouraged and supported my interests, including music. I try to take a cue from that and raise my own daughter accordingly. Unconditional love and support, let the chips fall where they will. That's sort of my philosophy as a parent.

But as you say, you can't choose your family. I definitely agree it matters who you surround yourself with. Moving up the corporate ladder, I found myself in recent years surrounded by people who had no interest in the arts or appreciation for anything that I was truly passionate about. I finally reached a point where I went far out of my way to start inserting myself into environments where people who shared my interests could be found. I've found it well worth the effort.

In some ways, total apathy from those around you may be worst of all. At least with negativity, you might find inspiration in proving people wrong or rebelling!

Pol's new situation is tricky one for her and probably requires adjustment by both parties but I think its safe to assume that they both are close.

Also as Sticks so elequently said, sometimes the inability to express feelings does mean you dont have any, so to assume the worst isnt good.

But creative environments are very important. Large companies like Google, Apple, Gaming shops, advertising agencies, large design studios etc spend a ton of money just to keep things fresh and interesting in working enviroments.

The vibes and feelings of our families does affect us in all the things that we do, for the best or the worse, music creativity is no exeption, when there's a bad or negative feeling floating around in the household, it does affect my playing and my creativity.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 8Mile

At least with negativity, you might find inspiration in proving people wrong or rebelling!

Playing and creativity are influenced by both positive and negative feelings, perhaps I wasn't clear in my post regarding that aspect. :)

But it is the very essence for inspirations, so many artists have written beautiful pieces of music and lyrics, and it is indeed these positives and negatives feelings of life experiences that lead us to create wonderful moments, artisticaly, whatever it is through music, painting or film making, it is the reflection and interpretation of our surrounding at all times and period of our daily existence. :)

Playing and creativity are influenced by both positive and negative feelings, perhaps I wasn't clear in my post regarding that aspect. :)

But it is the very essence for inspirations, so many artists have written beautiful pieces of music and lyrics, and it is indeed these positives and negatives feelings of life experiences that lead us to create wonderful moments, artisticaly, whatever it is through music, painting or film making, it is the reflection and interpretation of our surrounding at all times and period of our daily existence. :)

Ha! I can't tell you how often I've played my music for dad, or given him my cartoons, art or writing. He has not said a good thing about a creative thing I've done in the last half century and has frequently said it was terrible. The best he's given me is "If it makes you happy ..."

Fathers! You can choose your friends but ...

The only sane response is to switch off and find more compatible people. Given that he needs me around most of the time this place is like an oasis for me!

I know exactly what you feel Polly. I live with my parents and in these 10+ years I've playing drums, my dad never cared one single day. He just doesn't like drums, he thinks they all sound the same (noise) and that they're a waste of time and money.

The only comments I get from him are when I come home with some new piece of gear, he looks at me and asks "what's that?", and when I say "a cymbal/snare/etc", he sighs like "God, I thought he was getting tired of it"..

And my mother all she says are sarcastic comments about how annoying drums are, and when am I moving out and stuff like that.

So yeah, what they've accomplished is that I don't play when they're home. And yeah, it really sucks.

We have to remember that our dads grew up in a much different time than we did, and their dad's before them. Dad's weren't supposed to say mushy things about how you look, or play, or draw. Mom's did that ...

A mature observation, Sticksy. However, there's a difference between normal dopey Dad-ism and the active distaste for what I do. Diego knows what I mean ...

Quote:

Originally Posted by diegobxr

I know exactly what you feel Polly. I live with my parents and in these 10+ years I've playing drums, my dad never cared one single day. He just doesn't like drums, he thinks they all sound the same (noise) and that they're a waste of time and money.

Commiserations Diego. It's like running uphill, isn't it? You had it worse than we did. When we were young Mum was mostly hands off re: the music because it wasn't her style, but she was always supportive.

Quote:

Originally Posted by larryace

If you don't tell someone you love them at least a couple times a day, there's something majorly missing in your life, possibly your soul.

I don't and there is. I think I learned to screw that side of things up from an expert :) I don't think I've been inclined to say "I love you" to anyone for, mmm, about 7 years or so. That's cool - I'm simply not even a bit mushy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 8Mile

Moving up the corporate ladder, I found myself in recent years surrounded by people who had no interest in the arts

Funny thing dat ... I found the same thing. Those high up on the ladder on average seem to have less interest in music than average workers. Perhaps a lack of interest in music is an indicator for corporate success?? :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by aydee

Pol's new situation is tricky one for her and probably requires adjustment by both parties but I think its safe to assume that they both are close.

Actually not, we haven't been close since my teens when I started thinking for myself, which of course is unacceptable behaviour for many dads, who miss the unquestioning idolisation of childhood. Since I (recently, ahem) achieved adulthood we've tended to operate more on a duty basis than any commonality or understanding. Venus and Mars ...

Quote:

Originally Posted by aydee

Polly sticks are bouncing off pillows right now, but I think once there's some refamiliarization between the two, Polly's irrepressible joi de vivre' will return : )

And lemme tellya, without bounce my doubles are a comedy act (actually, they are with bounce too). I managed to sneak in some pad play to three Steely Dan songs today, which was nice.

PS- Pol I hope you saw the Aussie open tennis final with him... whadda match!!!!!

True, making lemonade from the lemon ... ironically enough, after a long toon drought I did a couple of rough freehand toon sketches today (will recreate better image digitally when my program stops being so buggy). Guess what inspired this one? :)

Funny thing dat ... I found the same thing. Those high up on the ladder on average seem to have less interest in music than average workers. Perhaps a lack of interest in music is an indicator for corporate success?? :)

I've actually given this quite a lot of thought, and I honestly believe that this is the case. In my admittedly narrow range of experience, the people who really live and breathe that type of thing are wired differently than I am. They enjoy business and the associated politics and it's almost like it isn't even work for them. Just like playing in a band isn't really work for us when we play music, even though we get paid for it.

I've actually given this quite a lot of thought, and I honestly believe that this is the case. In my admittedly narrow range of experience, the people who really live and breathe that type of thing are wired differently than I am. They enjoy business and the associated politics and it's almost like it isn't even work for them. Just like playing in a band isn't really work for us when we play music, even though we get paid for it.

Yes, it's interesting. My father did well in business and he actively dislikes most of the arts - zero interest. He wouldn't care less if he never heard music again.

Meanwhile, my interest in business and political manouevering is zero. I don't understand it but your "wired differently" comment rings true to me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sticks4drums

Thank's Mom! :/

Sticks, you big ning nong! I meant "mature" in context of all of our comments, including mine.