Taxes optional for ... hermits

By Roy Bragg :
April 11, 2013
: Updated: April 15, 2013 9:58am

Driving: Your gasoline will be cheaper since you won't pay fuel taxes, but you won't be using it to go very far. Most highways, as well as some city streets, have been bankrolled by varying amounts of federal money. That means you need to stay off my roads. Also, you'll be paying sticker prices or higher for all GM or Chrysler vehicles manufactured after 2009. They were bailed out with my money, so there is no haggling for you.

Photo By Nathan Weber / New York Times

Flying: Forget it. Airports are built with city funds, but the control towers are staffed by the Federal Aviation Administration and I am not spending my FAA money on deadbeats. Stay out of my federally regulated skies, pal.

Photo By JOHN DAVENPORT/SAN ANTONIO EXPRESS-NEWS

Public safety: Yes, cities and counties pay for police and fire protection, but many can't pay their bills without federal grants. You probably have your own guns for protection, but you might want to invest in water hoses in case of fire. Wait. You can't use the water system if it's been funded by federal matching grants. And forget flushing the toilet, too. Please keep your bodily waste out of my federally funded wastewater system.

Education: If you have your way, your kids and grandkids won't be able to read this because federal money goes to public schools and universities to pay for programs. And don't even think you're getting student loans or Pell grants. If you have outstanding federal student loans, our new collection agency — also known as the 4th Infantry Division — will be in touch.

Old age: When the time comes to roll into a nursing home, you won't be. Nearly half of nursing home residents get some form of federal aid to offset costs that can hit $200/day. If you're not going to pay federal taxes, you might want to start saving that cash.

Photo By Eric Gay/Associated Press

Border security: Homeland Security still will watch the borders, but I don't think it should arrest anyone who is in the country illegally after they've made it to your house or your place of employment. I'm paying for Homeland Security to protect my job and prevent a strain on my social services. You're not.

Photo By U.S. Army/AFP / Getty Images

Drones: American taxpayers pay for the drone program and we should be exempt from being blown up. You don't and you aren't.

Photo By AP

National Endowment for the Arts: They get to do what they want. You can't complain.

Congress: You still get to vote for them, but since we're paying the salaries, we're the only ones who get to complain about them or to them.

If you don't want to pay your taxes, which are due today, you shouldn't.

No one likes paying taxes, but a small section of the population has taken this dislike to ... any guesses?

If you guessed “extreme levels bordering on lunacy,” you are correct.

They argue that they work hard for their money and don't like surrendering a large chunk of it to the government. Some protest by not paying. Others just complain about it and want to cut programs they don't use.

That's not fair to the people who support those programs. We grumble, we pay and we get something in return. Even if we don't always need these things — Medicaid, the Library of Congress or nuclear weapons, for example — it's comforting to know that they're there if we do. Federal money even props up state government. Texas took $12 billion in the previous budget.

In 2012, the average American household's income was a shade over $50,000, according to the Census Bureau. And, according to the Tax Foundation, a private organization, income taxes in 2013 will take an average of 29.4 percent of an American's income. The average American family, then, is on the hook for about $14,700. Clearly, your tax mileage may vary. You may owe more, or you may have deductions out the wazoo.

If you don't want to pay taxes, you shouldn't be prosecuted for tax evasion. This isn't the old Soviet Union where you're forced to do stuff. But it does mean you shouldn't be given access to any federal government services.

Here's what that would look like you:

Driving: Your gasoline will be cheaper since you won't pay fuel taxes, but you won't be using it to go very far. Most highways, as well as some city streets, have been bankrolled by varying amounts of federal money. That means you need to stay off my roads. Also, you'll be paying sticker prices or higher for all GM or Chrysler vehicles manufactured after 2009. They were bailed out with my money, so there is no haggling for you.

Flying: Forget it. Airports are built with city funds, but the control towers are staffed by the Federal Aviation Administration and I am not spending my FAA money on deadbeats. Stay out of my federally regulated skies, pal.

Public safety: Yes, cities and counties pay for police and fire protection, but many can't pay their bills without federal grants. You probably have your own guns for protection, but you might want to invest in water hoses in case of fire. Wait. You can't use the water system if it's been funded by federal matching grants. And forget flushing the toilet, too. Please keep your bodily waste out of my federally funded wastewater system.

Education: If you have your way, your kids and grandkids won't be able to read this because federal money goes to public schools and universities to pay for programs. And don't even think you're getting student loans or Pell grants. If you have outstanding federal student loans, our new collection agency — also known as the 4th Infantry Division — will be in touch.

Old age: When the time comes to roll into a nursing home, you won't be. Nearly half of nursing home residents get some form of federal aid to offset costs that can hit $200/day. If you're not going to pay federal taxes, you might want to start saving that cash.

Border security: Homeland Security still will watch the borders, but I don't think it should arrest anyone who is in the country illegally after they've made it to your house or your place of employment. I'm paying for Homeland Security to protect my job and prevent a strain on my social services. You're not.

Drones: American taxpayers pay for the drone program and we should be exempt from being blown up. You don't and you aren't.

Congress: You still get to vote for them, but since we're paying the salaries, we're the only ones who get to complain about them or to them.

Everything else: No flood insurance, no loans from bailed-out banks, and no clean air for you.

If you choose to opt out, don't complain.

If you ask nicely, however, we might be willing to let you use some of our stuff on a strict pay-per-use basis. Call us if your house catches fire and have your credit card ready for the dispatcher. No checks accepted.