Shopping Anarchy, or I Still Can't Believe We Didn't Get Kicked Out of Old Navy

A couple of days back, the boyfriend and I took the kid shopping for some clothes for fall. I was, well, just a leeeettle apprehensive about this, you might say.

Math is hard, shut up.

Shopping with a kid, even under the best of circumstances, can be – and I think you’ll all back me up here – an exhausting, life-force-draining experience. ESPECIALLY if said kid is any of the following things:

Hungry

Tired

Wet (diaper/pull-up-wise, I mean. I would never imply that you’d just, like, hose your kid off and stick ’em in the carseat – NOW LET’S GO SHOPPING!1!!!)

Grumpy

Prone to whining

Easily distracted by shiny things

Breathing

Let’s face it, kids are unpredictable, so I’ve found it’s always best to prepare for the worst. This is why I never leave for a shopping trip with the kid without making sure my handbag is fully stocked with at least the most obvious provisions and implements that might be needed: tissues, a bag of goldfish crackers, a bottle of water, wipes, iPod, xanax, a taser, and so on. You know, the basics.

Thankfully, in this instance, I needn’t have worried. Maybe it’s something related to growing up and becoming a big girl (sob! my baby!), but the kid was actually cooperative and docile.

Well, at least at first.

She even modelled her new looks. I played the role of paparazzi (maparazzi?):

Kitten with silver sparkles and a bow=AHMAHGAH SO FULL OF ADORABLE WINThis dress is my personal favorite - I like the layered look it has, with the attached sleeves. Motorhead here also approves, clearly."OH MAH GAH IT'S A DRESS WITH A HOODIE!" she yelped. Honestly, I believe everything should come with a hoodie. I mean, you never know when the weather might take a turn for the chillier. Plus, looking like Banksy is always a bonus.I wish I had a better picture of these jeans (two for $30, yo!), but of course she WOULD NOT STOP MOVING, gah. 8 year olds, man. It's like hanging out with the Tasmanian Devil from Looney Tunes on meth.

So all of that was great. There was no whining (miracle of miracles!), we found a ton of awesomely cute clothes on sale that she actually liked (wonders never cease), and Old Navy footed $150 of the total bill (I spent more though… OF COURSE I DID) (SUCKER!), so it turns out I didn’t have to worry about taking a big hit in the wallet. Cool, right?

What could go wrong?

A soccer ball. That’s what.

A few moments before she lobbed it at his head. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STORE.Oh sure, why don't you two just go ahead and play soccer in the big kid's section. Because clearly that is what you BOTH are. CHILDREN.Somehow soccer devolved into hide-and-go-seek between the clothes racks. It was about this time that I started thinking about a nice, tall Margarita on the rocks.

This went on for about ten minutes. Out in the open, in front of the entire store, visible to all. No one stopped them, no one called security, nothing. I have no idea why. I can only speculate that the folks at Old Navy have just enough of a rebellious streak in them that they appreciated the shenanigans.

They have these cute coloring pages in the store. Guess which of the two of my "kids" added that little something extra? GUESS.

I don’t know if this is going to sound like a promise or a threat, but we’ll be back, Old Navy. So, you know, BRACE YOURSELVES.

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