American Women: What happened to their femininity?

By: Daniel Otero

Sitting down for a cup of coffee on my last visit Stateside, I was patiently waiting for a friend. When four women sat near me, the conversation soon turned to men… By their expressions and mannerisms, some were not married or had come from broken relationships! Who could blame them? As they complained about men, everything was justified, till the topic completely turned me off. Everything got out of hand! These females were in the 30-something category, attractive, professionals [maybe], fairly intelligent and it was what came out of their mouths that turned back the clock on 100 or so years on feminism. Looking more like a scene from “Sex and the City”…

One came out raising her voice, “Oh my God, some them are so hairy, like gorillas!” Laughter sparkled from her and vibrated. She was the one in red and sexy black-high heels.

They began to snarl and laugh, making even bigger fools of them selves…

There was one, beautiful olive-skin and she was saying, “When it’s time to get it up, either they can’t get it up or are too fast!”

I was shocked, these ladies behaved like madwomen, losing focus on the things that brought males and females together. Closer to the bad taste in our male gender! And life was never equal for women, but tougher to say the least.

Another extended her hand, showing-off her dark-black manicure, “My god, the toilet seat, all they have to do is ‘point and shoot’! Not even that! Such pigs…” This one here seemed to be losing her IQ with each passing moment into the passion of the talk!

Laughing and snarling even louder, like a bunch of drunken sailors in a row, the insults continued. I listened on and smiled! I knew they were just frustrated at men’s behavior and in trying to control everything; had these women just lost their femininity? I wondered, as I sat and thought! Nobody would dare approach them with the ongoing conversation and too afraid if they got too close would get shot down or castrated if they were male!

These ladies [again] were hot with anger. I gave a wide grin knowingly! Taking in all their truths and untruths…

One of them finally spoke out of the foursome, “All they are good for is one thing! There’re no real good men!”

This lack of understanding clearly destroyed the relationships between the sexes. After all, romance and sex weren’t dead! But if it were for these four women, they sure would’ve put humankind out of its misery! Women from failed relationships and frustrated with life, and easily it could’ve been males angry about women!

However, had American women turned too aggressive, from the bedroom to the boardroom? Having this feeling, [that] women like these would cut my manhood off and place ‘them’ inside a box if I said anything improper. If any of my words were misunderstood! Or maybe I was being to judgmental, even male chauvinist. I listened further…

Common, they just wanted what any other human being wants, to be loved! Is that so much to ask? I felt these women had gotten lost in all the aggressiveness, suffering and competition of life! What happened to the concept of optimism, ‘tomorrow is a new day’?

And still, you have to understand [them] worldwide professional women make 25% less money than men (Lewis, Live Science, 2013). Especially when this last century was the “The Century of Women”… But here we are talking about relationships and the bedroom.

As the ladies continued their rambling, again and again, it came to my mind, where was Gloria Steinem to save the day? And I was a getting a headache!

Then suddenly, one saw me laughing quietly in my little corner. She was the one with the long-black nails. As she decided to point out!

These ladies were in trouble. When somebody decides to ask for advice or an opinion, they better be ready to hear the truth with a mouthful!

Some of the ladies came out firing with their, “No!” Then they went back to silence.

Then, I took a deep breath and shot, “It’s no wonder in this politically correct society that women are losing their men. And I’m not saying some men are not ‘dogs’! However, before I open my mouth, some women are ready to ‘shoot me down’! You are making men too afraid to approach any one of you; especially nice guys. Ladies you’re chasing the good guys away with your attitudes. Men will easily tire and move on!”

One of the ladies curt her lips, “But what we have, we had to fight for!”

I continued, “Nobody is stating the contrary! However, you are missing the goal. To have a powerful, intelligent woman at your side is sexy! But when I speak to a female, I don’t want to feel like I have to be ‘on guard all the time’… Did you know that most people select the same destructive relationships, male or female over and over?” I took a breath, “Then, we have only ourselves to blame (Renee, Madame Noir, 2013). Ladies, once you’re in a relationship, some of you want to change a man so badly, you want him to nearly mimic a woman. This is tiresome, and I would say to you, marry a damn woman, if that is what you want! Stop trying to change men when you’re in a relationship, you have a lifetime to do that when you have sons! These are the reasons none of you are married… You choose these arrogant-smug that treat you like crap and kick the ‘good ones’ to the curve!”

The group grew even angrier. They wanted to chop me up into little pieces and feed me to the sharks, if they could and thank goodness they couldn’t!

And this is just a simple example of what women have become. For American women the competition will get even tougher. Right now, American men consider U.S. females overbearing! Presently, European and American men are marrying more and more women from Asia (popular country at the moment, China). Not to control with the outdated views of chauvinism and did you know, it’s because these women haven’t lost their feminine touch!

Back ‘home’ I’m too afraid to speak to women. It’s more like the fear of speaking to my mother. I’m afraid I’m going to get ‘yelled at’! You see, and I’m trying to be sensitive and understanding… And as I explained to the women that day, I know we boys behave like crap most of the time. The statistics state [that] up to 70% of men are disloyal to women and there’re still good guys out in the mist (Huff Post, 2012). All you have to do is find them, or as mum would say, let love find you! Don’t get into any relationship out of desperation!

“There is still plenty of discrimination against you [ladies] in the workplace. But what it boils down to, when I’m socializing with a woman, I don’t want to feel intimidated or like I’m sparing with a boxer. Always curtailing my every word…”

I ended with these words, as some quieted down and would not speak to me again, “Therefore, I have decided not to date an American woman till females in North America get their femininity back!” This brought out a dirt storm (not to a use a bad word) and I got out of there before it got to me!

Thinking about my experience much later as I walked out of the coffee shop to meet my friend, and it came to mind… I never did mind women fighting for their rights or standing-up for themselves. Feminism is the equalizer and it has never bothered me! What worried me, how it was being done and how it was affecting women in our unfair world. Isolating them…

I just didn’t want to feel anymore what I felt with the ladies at the establishment, like I was trying to wrestle with them! And while they continued their arguments and trying to be right or be in a loving relationship. One has to think, wow, how many good men are they chasing away with their attitudes?

8 Comments

I can somewhat agree with your statement about not wanting to be on guard all the time. I believe a healthy relationship should feel comfortable and relax, where both partners know they can be who they really are, and say what is really on their minds without some kind of backlash. Yet, I can say this issue is not unique to American women. I’ve had some relationships in China end because the ladies could not handle my opinions.

However, it seems to me that the four women in your post were venting. When venting, you may say things in an exaggerated manner, while not truly feeling that way most of the time. Hell, I’ve lived in China for almost 8 years, and I’ve done my fair share of venting. But, once I’ve vented and the pressure is off, I can recall that I have several fantastic friends here that I love very much, and who would go out of their way to help me.

In regards to your “fear of getting yelled out”, get over it and you will feel a hell of a lot better. I had the same problem before when speaking to anyone about my feelings, and through keeping my mouth shut, I felt worse about myself. Now, I speak out, and while it may create confrontation sometimes, I feel immensely better about myself… and that’s the important thing.

Be a good person, help others, say what’s on your mind… and let other people’s problems not become your problems.

Dear Readers, thanks for your opinions sincerely. Whether you like what I said or not, I appreciate your honesty. Please take care and let’s exchange more ideas… It makes the world a better place to verbalize our differences peacefully and we can learn more from each other.

Wow. That’s ridiculous. You’re basing your entire view of American woman based off overhearing one group’s conversation in a cafe? I’d like to point out that not all American women are the same and you weren’t just taking a poll when you were sitting down eavesdropping.

Maybe you were afraid to speak to woman in America because you kept saying demeaning generalizations like this and people wouldn’t stand for it.

American’s are known for being brutally honest/just saying what they’re thinking. This includes women AND men. You can’t just throw blame on an entire country’s sex just because you didn’t like the way they were venting. There’s not just a bunch of crazed spinsters rampaging the country with their complaints of how deficient the male species is.

And switching to China doesn’t mean you necessarily getting someone more “feminine”. What does femininity have to do with not speaking your mind anyways?

Switching to dating in China is just ensuring that when you’re an idiot you’ll most likely just get a polite smile and nod instead of someone having the guts and decency to tell you what they actually think

Your instincts are correct, sir. Having lived in North America, South America, and Europe, women in the US have lost much of their femininity (thank you feminists). American women are among the least attractive, both physically and emotionally. Better odds of finding a good one elsewhere.

Couldn’t agree with you more. Many with Gloria Steinem attitudes really have lost touch with what being a woman is all about. A woman is supposed to be equal to man. A woman is not a person who should overbear a man or vice-versa!

The purpose of the article is to meet people on equal ground. Therefore, I meant that feminist back in the states have to calm down. I want equality for women, but without the sexism and intolerance that divides our world.

And what I want for women is feminism, but not, in achieving such, they lose their femininity; which presently they are back in the U.S. and in the U.K.

However, I cannot agree with downgrading women, because then, we are doing stereotypical generalizations.

I thank you for your suggestions on the website and no, it’s not for me. There’s beautiful women all over the world. Let us not limit ourselves on stereotypes and yes, feminism is cool, but only when it’s practiced on equal measures and it’s not to destroy the dignity between the sexes.

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