Invader Zim

Invader Zim is an American animated television series created by comic book writer/artist Jhonen Vasquez and aired on Nickelodeon. The show features the exploits of Zim trying to conquer the Earth, along with his defective robot sidekick GIR, while his arch-nemesis Dib tries to stop him.

Zim: [to cab driver] You think I wont be ready, but you're wrong, presumptuous cab beast! I have prepared myself for this moment and it has paid off in full! You see, the Invaders learn from their mistakes, however rare they may be! Now human, take me to [thinks for a moment then points in a random direction] that way, and quickly! In case you haven't noticed, I've been trying to go home!

GIR: Oh, I can't take it, you're too smart for me. Keef is planning a s'prise party for you after skool. He gonna bring all the kids because he loves you! [crying] That boy loves you so much! [stops crying] I'm makin' the cake!

Zim: He's bringing all the children to our secret lair? Do you realize what this means?

Zim: Ruined. Ruined! Irken engineering reduced to...this! Surely that was no human bee! Once I take care of the humans, I will begin my war against...the bees!

Government Man: [in robotic voice] I am Government Man, come from the government. The government has sent me. [zooms inside to see GIR piloting the robot][walks over to Zim] Ohohoho. He is not an alien lifeform. He is an experimental government aircraft!

Zim: I don't think you understand how serious this is! Tacos are not worth ruining the mission. I am your master, and you will obey me! Obey me! (Zim kneels on the ground as if he was begging) ...Pleeeeeaaassse?

GIR: Maybe you're right... we can get a giant burrito too!

[GIR orders food from the Krazy Taco drive-thru with Zim screaming in the background]

Krazy Taco Worker: So that's two large tacos, burrito, and a medium "GIR take us back to the base right now." Do you want a drink with that?

GIR: Wait...if you destroyed Dib in the past, then he won't ever be your enemy, then you won't have to send a robot back to destroy him and then he will be your enemy, so then you will have to send a robot back...

Actor playing Dib: [points to man in squirrel costume] AAGHHHH, what is that?

GIR: And then the squirrel ate Dib's greasy head. [man in squirrel costume proceeds to mutilate Actor Dib's head as the other actors back away terrified] And then the squirrel flew away! [man in squirrel costume gets picked up by cables] After that, he flew back to his home planet to fight all the bad guys. [costume rips and man falls on two actors in alien costumes]

Prof. Membrane: I made the Perpetual Energy Generator, or, as I call her, PEG. Tonight, I activate it. If it works, we never have to worry about power again! If it doesn't, it'll send out a wave of doom that will destroy all life on Earth!

Spectator: What was that last part?

[Dib's future self concludes a lengthy explanation as to how he's in the past]

Hologram: My people worked themselves into extinction making our planet a working vessel!

Zim: Why would you do that?

Hologram: Because it's cool.

GIR: *nods* Mmm-hmm.

Zim: Mission accomplished, my Tallest! I have rid this solar system of Mars!

Tallest Purple: I thought you were trying to destroy the Earth.

Zim: Oh! Yes. That! You heard wrong! This time I was trying to get rid of Mars. You know, just a little warm up before I destroy the humans! Yeah, see, I'll do Earth next! I'm an unstoppable death machine, you know.

Countess von Verminstrassor: A level 1... I am Countess von Verminstrassor, the Delouser! For your own good, you will cooperate! You have lice, and until your condition improves, you will be detained here indefinitely!

Tak: NOOOOOO! It's not about revenge! It's about taking what's rightfully mine. I should have been an invader! I should have been part of the Great Assigning! I shouldn't HAVE to be stealing THIS planet from YOU!

Zim: [pause] YOU'RE AFTER MY ROBOT BEE!!

Tak: NOOOOOOO!!!! Listen to me. Listen...carefully!

Zim: Hmm? Hmm? Hmmmmmm?

Tak: I'm a better invader than you could ever be. I blend in perfectly. The plan I have in store for this nasty rock will so impress the Tallest that they'll have no choice but to make me an invader.

Zim: WHAT IS THIS-- [lowers his tone] And what is this plan?

Tak: [laughs softly]

Zim: Yeah, yeah, I'm a master of comedy. Now tell me this plan!

Tak: Part One involves crippling your base, so that you could only watch... AS I RUIN YOUR LIFE!!!!

[Her SIR unit unleashes nanites that consume Zim's base]

Zim: [horrified] MY BEAUTIFUL BASE!!!

Tak: Part Two is--

Zim: NOOOOOOOOOO, MY BEAUTIFUL BASE!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Tak: [irritated] Part Two is--

Zim: NOOOOOOOOOO, MY BEAUTIFUL BASE!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Tak: Part Two is--

Zim: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Tak: Part--

Zim: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Tak: Okay, I'm--

Zim: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Tak: Okay, I'm leaving now.

Zim: [calmly] But you didn't tell me your plan.

Tak: The great thing about your people, Dib, is that most of them don't notice. All they see is another faceless corporate venture, not a plan for world conquest!

Sgt. Hobo: Prepare yourselves, you slime-licking smort crabs, to face a series of trials! The finish line is the dreaded fortress of pain! Any mistakes and you will be beamed away, to a losers' holding pen! The holding pen... of pain!

[While Dib watches the scene using a spy camera installed into Zim's house]

GIR: Guess who made waffles!

Zim: I'm not going to eat-

GIR: [screams]

Zim: Enough! I shall try some already! [takes a bite] Well, they don't seem to be making me sick. You know, I think this will be a good way to build a tolerance to the human's filthy food! Okay, GIR. I will try-

GIR: Hehehehehehe! [runs to get more waffles]

Zim: And as soon as I'm done with these waffles, I will discuss my evil plan!

Prof. Membrane: [on a video monitor] Kids, I'm glad we could have this dinnertime recording together. Now, Gaz, if you could just put that can of beans in the proton oven! Be sure to take them out of the can or the explosion will destroy all human life!

[Gaz puts the unopened can in the proton oven, but the power goes out]

Gaz: Dib!

Dib: Sorry, Gaz! Just doing a few adjustments on Tak's ship!

[The power comes back on. Gaz adds two more cans then starts the oven. The bottom blows off in a small explosion]

Gaz:That didn't wipe out all life as we know it?!? You lied to me, Dad!

Dwicky: [laughs] Not anymore! All the child-like wonder was ripped from my heart the day my foot got stuck in an escalator and aliens didn't come rescue me! No, I'll just humor Dib until he tells me what the real problem is.

[Gaz's stuffed animals transform into robots with weapons. They advance on Dib who runs away screaming]

[Gaz is in an isolation chamber after the spell Dib casts on her goes wrong. Dib is visiting her]

Gaz: I'll make you wish you had rabid weasels teleported into your skull instead of having a sister! I'll wait until you sleep and stuff all your paranormal junk into your big, giant paranormal head and chew on your eyeballs after I pluck them out!