Wednesday, February 28, 2007

I'm so blaaa

Last night I go so depressed that it was downright ugly. It got so bad that I didn’t want to play City of Heroes. (Yes I know, its shocking isn’t it). Between finding a new place to live, school debt and the cost of living in this city, I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die, but I’m feeling much better now.

Why is it that when things finally start going my way, someone or something has to start mucking things up. Basically change is in order, a total change. At least the moving is the first step in that. The second step is going to be the job. It has to be.

Here’s the deal. Most of the people here are not the type of people I would normally hang out with. I’m not saying that they’re bad people but most of them tend to hang around with people of their own ethnic group and speak their native language. So basically I have 1 or 2 people that I hang out with at work, and one of them gave their notice this week. I need to see new people.

The worst thing is that I’m feeling sorry for myself and if you really put things in perspective, I really in a better place than many others. I have a roof over my head, I’m able to eat 3 meals a day, and life isn’t a struggle for me. My issue is that I’m not doing as well as my parents were when I was growing up. It’s shallow, I know but I can’t help it. I think this is why people from other countries come to Canada and do so well. They had nothing and managed to build good lives for themselves. I, and others in my group, had it all handed to them as a child and sort of expect the same thing as an adult. I know its wrong but….

As pathetic as it sounds, I can’t decide if I’m depressed that I’m not being spoiled or that I’m lonely. Either way, its pretty gad in my opinion.