It is common to be occasionally jealous of a close romantic partner. A simple conversation may cause worry that something lingers beneath the polite veneer; normally, it is easy to dismiss such fears, confident that one's partner is faithful, and that suspicion is unwarranted. Extreme or "morbid" jealousy, however, can be problematic. Sufferers may become preoccupied with the possibility that a partner is cheating, triggering a vicious cycle of suspicion that leads to incorrect conclusions. They may start to act in ways that cause real relationship problems, and only further inflaming their doubts.

If you or a partner struggles with morbid jealousy, your beliefs about your relationship, and about relationships in general, can be challenged and ultimately changed, thanks to new research on addressing and healing jealous thoughts and behavior.

Psychotherapists, marriage and family therapists, and couples counselors frequently encounter jealousy problems in their clients, typically seeing the problem as a symptom of a troubled relationship. But few studies address the identification and treatment of morbid jealousy. As a result, clinicians must rely on general therapeutic guidelines when treating clients, rather than being able to turn to empirically-tested approaches. In their article titled, fittingly enough, “Taming the Green-Eyed Monster,” Sheffield (England) psychologists Stephen Kellett and Peter Totterdell have tackled the issue of how to adapt known therapeutic approaches to the problem of morbid jealousy.

Prior to their research, a few studies had tested the efficacy of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) for the morbidly jealous. CBT involves teaching individuals first to identify the dysfunctional thought patterns that trigger their jealousy and then to develop strategies to prevent those thoughts from taking over their emotional lives. Kellett and Totterdell decided to put CBT to a more rigorous test, developing the first controlled study to evaluate its effectiveness. They also compared CBT with a more psychodynamically-oriented approach called cognitive analytic therapy (CAT). In CAT, clinicians use what happens in therapy (such as the client being afraid the therapist will abandon her) as a way to provide additional insight into the client’s unduly jealous thought patterns. CAT also focuses on underlying issues that people bring into all their relationships, such as fear of abandonment or of feeling inadequate.

Using what’s called a “single-case experimental design (SCED),” Kellett and Totterdell compared two married women in their responses to CBT and CAT; one was assigned to CBT and the other to CAT. Although there is only one client per treatment method, the clients provide highly detailed data consisting of their thought patterns on a daily basis, as well as the responses of their partners. The experimental aspect of the method involves comparing the problematic jealous thoughts during and after treatment with extensive follow-up.

We will see the study's results shortly.

First, however, let’s see how you compare to the two clients on the key morbid jealousy symptoms.

The five daily target symptoms of morbid jealousy that these clients believed to be their main problem included:

These are fairly typical feelings associated with high levels of jealousy. Adding to the study's value, the researchers also involved the partners of the two women, asking each to rate how much their wife was acting jealous and whether they felt their wives were being overly controlling (such as demanding to know where they were at all times).

The two women rated how often they had these thoughts and feelings on a daily basis on a 1-9 scale, and rated their self-esteem from 1 (“rubbish”) to 9 (“great”). At the end of each day, the clients and their partners recorded their ratings and reflected on the day overall. They were encouraged not to speak to each other about their ratings nor to use the ratings “in an aggressive manner” to get back at each other.

The treatment took place over 13 sessions following a 3-week assessment phase. Each client had a so-called “formulation” of her jealousy, consisting of a diagram mapping out which interactions and thoughts seemed to create the most problems for her. These diagrams served as the guide to therapy. (This was an important point. There is no one-size-fits-all treatment for jealousy; each couple’s dynamics are specific to their personalities and relationship.)

The findings showed that the two therapy methods had different effects on the clients and their partners. Both were effective in reducing symptoms of jealousy (CAT somewhat more so from a statistical point of view), and both alleviated the clients' feelings of distress. The husband of the CBT-treated client felt less controlled after therapy ended, but the CAT-treated partner noticed no changes in jealousy.

There was no control group of women who received no interventions in this study, and the peculiarities of each woman's specific personality may have played a role in the progress of therapy, not to mention the characteristics of her husband. Nevertheless, the study provides an excellent basis for addressing extreme jealousy in you or your partner, summed up in these 6 steps:

Identify the situations most likely to trigger your jealous feelings. Is it when you’re out at social occasions, or when one of you is away due to job or other outside responsibilities? Do you become most likely to have jealous thoughts when you’re having a bad day? Make a list of the situations that trigger your suspiciousness, hypervigilance, or self-doubts.

Reflect on the thoughts you have that seem to lead you to feel the most jealous. CBT focuses on being able to identify your “automatic thoughts,” the almost unconscious and instantaneous conclusions you jump to, such as “I am unlovable.”

Connect your thoughts with your emotions. Telling yourself you are unlovable is almost guaranteed to make you feel depressed. Recognize that your emotions follow from those automatic, dysfunctional thoughts, and you are then ready to move on to changing them.

Challenge your thoughts and beliefs. If your jealousy is being maintained by your erroneous convictions, then it is time to change those convictions. By conducting thought experiments, you can show just how wrong those convictions actually are. Maybe you think that you need to be on the alert for signs of his or her unfaithfulness, or else something bad will happen. Try not being on the alert and then see what happens; chances are your ominous predictions will not come true.

Put a stop to jealous behaviors. Try not to enact the controlling and suspicious behavior associated with your jealousy. For example, see what happens if you don’t voice your jealous concerns to your partner after he or she is gone for (what you think is) longer than the usual time at work. In the past, your accusations would perhaps have triggered anger and defensiveness in your partner. When you stop making those accusations, your partner should not feel as over-controlled and you will be less likely to have a conflict.

Focus on the underlying issues in your feelings about relationships. CAT takes into account the underlying issues, such as abandonment and feelings of inferiority that you carry into your relationships. For example, if you are constantly fearful that your partner will abandon you, this fans the flames of distrust, increasing your feelings of anxiety and jealousy. Identifying your trigger points can help stave off those self-doubts and anxious ruminations.

What is you've already been lied to by an individual you're dating. Perhaps I'm trying to justify the situation because I'm in love with this person, but is this an excusable offense if I admit to having these morbidly jealous sypmtoms? Could my being overly jealous have caused him to maintain a lie for 2 years?

YES--ABSOLUTELY!!!!.MORBIDLY JEALOUS PEOPLE WILL USE ANYTHING THEY KNOW ABOUT YOU OR YOUR PAST TO REASSURE THE DISTRUST,INFIDELITY ACCUSATIONS ETC. THEY FEEL. IT IS THE MOST FRUSTRATING RELATIONSHIP POSSIBLE TO BE IN . LIES ARE LIES TRUTH IS A LIE ,NO REASON NO NEGOTIATION OR COMPROMISE
FOR PROTECTION THE SANE PARTNER WILL KEEP ALL FACTS TO HIM OR HER SELF. SAYING NOTHING IS BEST OR THEY WILL CRUCIFY YOU

Thanks for these tips. I suffer from generalized anxiety, and like 'Thanks' I have been lied to by my partner. Of course, both of these 'feed' jealousy. Although using CBT techniques help, sometimes the voices in my head are far louder than the CBT counter-arguments. So much so that I begin feeling like a rat in a maze. If only people who lie would realize how destructive lying is - not only to the person who's being lied to, but to their own credibility. And catching them in a lie seems only to provoke more lies to cover up the original lie. Perhaps you could write a follow-up article on why people lie.

So many people enter relationships assuming their new partner wants the same parameters to the relationship they desire. They do not broach the subject until the relationship is well down the path and honesty has become more complicated because the other assumed so much.
Relationships can be defined in as many ways as there are individuals. I have known happy couples who spent every day together for 30 years, working side-by-side and playing together, too. I have known other couples where one partner could not even describe the basics of what her mate did for a living (No, it was not espionage). Some couples want monogamy others want poly, some want an open relationship, some a closed. I have a friend who would see her husband as cheating if he had a business lunch meeting with a woman and it was just the two of them. My partner frequently has business meetings with a variety of women (and men) and I am not in the least concerned.
At the beginning of our relationship we defined what we both wanted. We both want a monogamous relationship. We went forward on that basis. It is the type of relationship I want at this stage of life and it is also what he wants. There is mutual trust and although both of us often travel solo and work with members of the opposite sex (we are hetero) neither of us exhibit any jealousy. I certainly do not feel any. I am confident he is in the relationship he wants to be in and that he understands the parameters and the consequences if the parameters are violated. I have no desire to enforce the rules. If I have to enforce the rules by being vigilant I am in the wrong relationship.
There is no reason for lies between us as what we want and what we have are in harmony. Now, let's assume one of us wanted an open relationship but we did not voice that desire because we assumed it would mean we'd loose this person we were interested in. So we enter the relationship with dishonesty at the beginning. Dishonesty will be required to maintain the fallacy we have entered into.
But...on many levels we know when we are being lied to. We lie to ourselves to cover it up...the person we assume wants a monogamous relationship...why didn't we ask? We did not ask because on some level we knew the answer was not as we wanted it to be but we were not willing to risk losing a budding relationship with the truth.
The key is to put it all out there before it matters too much.
There are perfect mates for all variety of relationship types. I have friends who are Polly, I have friends with open relationships, I have friends married to individuals of the same gender, I have friends who won't divorce no matter how miserable they are and others who won't marry no matter how much they love the person. For those who have made an honest agreement about what type of relationship they want...all these variations work well.
The lies come when the agreement is dishonest in the beginning. Also, if someone does not know their self well enough to know what they really want.

I am male and 56 years old. After trying to understand what is happening to my wife and indirectly to me I stumbled onto "Morbid Jealousy" on Wiki. I am honest to a fault, do not flirt and have never had an affair. Professionally I have never even had a cup of coffee with another woman.

In 2005 my wife began with "you have a girlfriend". It has become progressively worse since then. Numerous cell phone calls at work (60 plus a day)checking laundry, trying/spying to catch me, hidden voice recorders etc. About 5 years ago she decided she knew who it was. The anger over the perceived betrayal inflamed her even more. I could go on but I think the above sets the understanding.

I hang in there because I know I have been honest and loyal. I have done everything I can think of to minimize her fears to no avail. This includes not working for the past 3 years to be by her side. It didn't help. I knew it had to be something else. With the rarity of this condition no one could offer any insights. Most just said she was unhappy or broken and that I should leave her. The other mentality with extended family and friends is "why would she say/feel this way if there is nothing to it". Her condition is the epitome of "Morbid Jealousy". I feel for her and it breaks my heart to see her going through this and I can do nothing to help her.

As I've mentioned I have hung in there for 9 years with the last 5 being absolute hell. While I have previously tried to research this it was only 2 days ago that I discovered the Wiki page. To try to talk to her about this inflames her more. The response is "your saying this is all in my head you lowdown SOB" and down hill from there. When she eventually runs out of energy and burns herself out (days or weeks)she cries hard and then is okay for a while (a few days or maybe a couple of weeks). When she is not doing this she is a wonderful compassionate loving person.

My point is this. In this case it doesn't have anything to do with whether I'm faithful, telling the truth or facts at hand. She believes it to be true so therefor it is. Reason and rational have no bearing whatsoever.

This is a horrific condition for her, our grown children and myself. If anyone has any thoughts on how I might approach her to suggest treatment it would be of great help.

I have always been monogamous, but after 27 years of reasonably successful marriage, my husband decided that I had an affair, based on a dream he had. He has always drunk alcohol to excess and became increasingly passive-aggressive. Over a 12 week period he became incredibly anxious and frustrated because I refuted his bizarre allegation. He declined interventions offered by his Doctor, the nature of delusion being that he 'knows' he doesn't have a problem, ensuring he does not take responsibility and will receive no definitive diagnosis. I showed the Wiki page to the Doctor, who agreed that the symptoms he had witnessed match Morbid Jealousy/Othello Syndrome. My husband became so desperate to prove my "guilt", he began to believe our grown-up children were colluding with me and that I was having multiple affairs. He stole substantial amounts of cash from our joint savings & sexually assaulted me as a way of asserting his control. He stalked us, became increasingly aggressive and threatened to hospitalise my "boyfriend", which was reported to the Police. Injunctions are in place to keep him away, and I have had to file for divorce to stop his attempts to menace/controlling behaviour. Terrifying and isolating to be on the receiving end of this delusional behaviour, he is a stranger to our kids and me. His family believe his lies, rather than having a balanced approach or accept there is a mental health difficulty in the family. The prognosis is not good, with or without treatment. He is at increased risk of suicide. He is a danger to our children and me and we have been told that we cannot help him. His behaviour and beliefs have ended a relationship that spanned 3 decades. I loved him deeply and exclusively. In line with advice from Police, Domestic Abuse Unit & Doctor, our kids & I will have relocate.

I quit a great job because I was on a team with 3 guys and 1 woman (engineers). I could not get into a situation with no women on the team.

Now, since we have used up all our savings, she wants me to start working again. I have said that I refuse to get back into the same situation, because the last 2 years have been pretty fantastic.

Not only have I spent a lot of time with the kids, but working from home on my "own project" meant I do not meet any women.

So I have this great offer, being able to work as a consultant. Everything is great, but just before signing the paper, my wife wants to ensure that I never have any women around me at work, never travel (this is a >$200/hour job with pan-european teams, it is hard not to travel).

So I tell her that I am not going to take the job unless we write up a contract on what behavior is ok. I am hoping that getting this in writing will help, but I am probably delusional myself.

I wonder what I can tell her. Maybe get it in writing that we will seek counceling regarding morbid jealousy if this arises?

When young, my wife used amphetamine, and I know her mother is afraid and nervous of lots of things, so in a way I think this is a brain issue. I feel that there should be a medical solution to this, but I do not know how to proceed.

Hello! I decided to write this because: 1. I somehow find myself în the description of your wife, and I guess I might understand what it's happening to her.. 2. I found some answers for myself, maybe it might help you and your wife..
So, none of the articles on this theme helped.. Maybe parts of some articles when put together.. My insights were focused on lack of appreciation and positive evaluation from the semnificative ones, from my early background.. parents, brothers, first social grup (friends,colleagues..). all that together with the guilty feeling that I felt when i've let down the single person în my life, who trusted me.. guess the others made me think of myself that I am not worthy so i've started to act like that..
All in all, the present seems to evoque the hurts from the past, wunds that aren't healed.. And when a wound is open, even a feather can feel like a knife..
After I realised all these, I know with what I a dealing, I can assume a fact now, and I know I can't heal myself but with help from a specialist. (something else than a rarational-theraphy who never worked for me, my impulssive side seems to be stronger than my rational one, probably because my wounds are old and stronger, with time..)
For you.. I can only suggest you to love her, to show her that but not loosing your identity, because she will feel the weackness and can't trust/feel confident, near a weack person. Basically, love her, talk to her, listen, but stay strong and close to your needs, so that you'll be a positive guideline for her.. And find a therapist, more likely an psychoanalitic or an experiential one. Good luck!

Your looking at it rationally. There is nothing rational about this condition. This is a progressive condition that gradually gets worse. My advice is to get help now! while you can. Refer to it as "Othello Syndrome" and morbid jealousy. This is a rare condition and you need to inform your mental health professional. My belief is it is a treatable condition if you can get the person to realize it is happening to them.

They think, therefore it is. It is there reality and they believe it as much as you know its not true.

I have not been successful. It has been a very sad thing to watch my wife go through this and be unable to help her. Any suggestion of getting help only intensifies her delusions. She is now in a very fragile state mentally and emotionally. Short of an epiphany I don't know what would save her/us.

This condition does everything it can to protect itself. Talk to your family doctor, family members and make arrangements with a mental health professional. Bottom line, GET HELP NOW!!

I am a former sufferer, where this thing hit my like a rock! I just switched after bursting into tears following vivid images of my girlfriend and her ex partners. it was like watching a video of her with someone else in a sexual manner.
I realised it wasnt right when grilling my girlfriend about her past relationships, so i asked her to take me somewhere to get help as i was ready to commit suicide!
I walked into the A&E Dept. where they immediately gave me a cocktail of tablets, it brought it down a little but still wasnt great after about a month of suffering i decided to get myself sectioned! That alone made me stand up and realise. I had CBT which really helped, But my strength and my want to get better pulled me through. But the biggest help was my girlfrriend now my wife was with me every step of the way.
Basically what i am trying to say is you can get through it, its hard you dont see a way out but you have to stay positive.
Not sure this will help in any way, but i hope it does.