Commentary

5:00 am

Fri May 24, 2013

Richard Crowson: A Tinfoil Dome

I was at the grocery store the other day when I rounded a corner and almost crashed my cart into that of another customer.

To my surprise, it was one of our state legislators. "Oh, hello, Representative Teabag," I said.

"Gotta hurry, gotta hurry," he rasped, tiny flecks of spittle flying from his lips. "Gotta get back to Topeka so we can vote them Common Core Standards down!"

"Huh?" I said. "Weren't they voted in here in Kansas way back in 2010?"

He snarled, "We can't have Kansas schools following the dictates of the Federal Gubment and the United Nations! It's us, the legislators who are the education experts."

"But the standards aren't from the feds. They're from the National Governors Association and the Council of Chief State School Officers," I vainly argued.

Rep. Teabag continued, "If we can stop 'em from teaching our young'uns how to be critical thinkers, we can keep our jobs! Educatin' students makes it more likely they won't vote for people like me. We gotta stop improving public schools. Dumber the voter, better my chances for re-election!"

It was at that point I noticed Rep. Teabag's grocery cart was filled with rolls of tin foil. I guess they have to refurbish the capitol dome above their heads every now and then. Apparently, all that flying spittle has a rusting effect. Kansas' capitol dome, it turns out, is made of tin foil.

As I watched Rep. Teabag load all that tin foil in his pickup truck for the ride back to Topeka, I found myself wondering, "Who's going to protect our school children form the tinfoil-dome dwellers in the Kansas Legislature?"