I think we all crave community. We all want to walk into a room of people and not just be acknowledged but greeted with some genuine warmth.

It’s not like I’m looking for a hug and a French kiss everywhere I go. A simple smile and some brief eye contact would be okay.

But where does it come from? Do I have to greet people like that before they will greet me the same way? Do unto others and all that stuff?

Or do certain environments promote a kind of warm, friendly undertone? Do we try to pick staff/members /people who also value this feeling of connection?

It does not seem to be just environmental. I can go to a spa where I pay lots of money to be feel good and taken care of. A spa should be warm in a comfy temperate way and the people there should make me feel like they really care about my well being. The last time I was in a spa that was definitely not the case. It was more like I was intruding on their breaks.

On the other hand, there is the train. When I am on the way into the city in the morning, there is “Customer Service Ambassador” in the accessibility car which is five cars back from the engine. I never see the person but they make periodic announcements during out 25 minute journey. On Friday morning, they always say “this train is now out of service. Please be sure to wake your neighbour.” I love that. Each time I hear it, I look around and other people are nodding and smiling. A commuter train in the morning is definitely not known for its warm and friendly atmosphere yet here is an example of warm connections.

So, I don’t know where it comes from. For now, I’ll keep doing my best to put my best smiling eyes forward and hope that it comes back.

It has taken me years to find my community in our home town. As you said, the first challenge is figuring out what/where you community is. This was a hit or miss thing with me. After four years, I’ve found what I needed most was
a) Girlfriends who get what my work is like (I work in a male-dominated environment, somedays I just want someone who relates to the challenges) –> Waterloo Women in Technology. There are Women in Technology groups across Canada.
b) Nerdy friends who geek out at technology and the possibilities therein –> Girl Geek Dinners KW. There are Girl Geek Dinner groups around the world.
c) Girlfriends who share my love of romance books –> a handful of blogs: Smart Bitches, Trashy Books; Dear Author; Smexy Books; Goodreads

I’m lucky that my husband and kids provide the majority of the love and support I need. The extra stuff I get from a, b and c above.

Just keep trying different things. Put yourself out there. You’ll find the connections and support you need.