KOZMIK KORNER BY LUSH GUMBALL

Q: I was reading an article recently that listed signs that your house may be haunted. They included things like unexplainable noises, doors and drawers opening and closing, lights turning off and on, items disappearing and reappearing, seeing shadowy figures and the such. While many odd happenings in and around a house can be explained or easily dismissed, there are those events that just make the hair on the back of your neck stand up. Do you believe that people or buildings can be haunted?

A: People no, structures yes. People don’t get haunted, they get possessed. At least that what it seems like at our office.
Q: I read where a cryptozoologist said it would take years of dedicated undercover work, living alone in deep forests with no income or interaction with other humans to ever have the slightest chance of truly discovering the existence of Bigfoot. I can’t imagine anyone having the intestinal fortitude to sacrifice their lives just to lay claim to Sasquatch. What do you think?

A: I have a couple of friends that lead minimalist lives now. Perhaps they would do it just to avoid the unpleasant necessity of bathing.
Q: Okay, I know people hear little whisperings in their heads all the time. But some guy claims to have recorded one on his video of his son’s baseball game in Arizona. Some say it’s the work of demons, others say they are the voices of guardian angels. Still others say hearing voices is the result of some form of mental illness. I guess there are differing voices for different people. One hears a voice about batting technique and then there are the voices talking to Lizzie Borden. Have any ideas on the subject?

A: First, Lizzie Borden was never convicted and it was hatchet, not an axe that was used to kill her parents – it just didn’t rhyme with whacks. Whereas, the young boy in Arizona at the plate got a hit. I have more to add, but a little voice is telling me it’s time to go eat. Oh, that’s my mom.
Q: I saw a story about children and their imaginary friends. some of them spoke of nuns, others of small fish in their pants pockets and still others of faceless men. It seems most children grow out of their fascination with invisible playmates with no seemingly lasting mental scarring. Did you have an imaginary friend when you were a child?

A: No. But I did start having meaningful conversations with an invisible puppy late in life. I heard it was a great way to meet imaginary women.