I’ve always had trouble with my left knee. It used to slide out of joint because the bones were growing faster than the muscles or vice versa. I don’t remember exactly. But the left knee has never been good.

You see, I was a gigantic baby. My poor mother, who is nearly 6 feet tall, weighed all of 120 when she got pregnant with me. She gained something like 80 pounds and thus gave birth to a 9 pound, 6 ounce MONSTER CHILD who actually broke her skinny ass upon arrival.

OH HI. That was me.

I was a gigantic kid. And I was tangled up in the womb but GOOD, with my umbilical cord wrapped around my neck a few times and my left leg all folded up THE WRONG WAY. It’s only as I’ve gotten older (and more athletic) that this has been an issue. I’m sure the umbilical cord issue stopped my brain from getting oxygen and that’s why I’m more or less mentally unbalanced, but the leg thing is fucking my life up more than anything else.

My left leg shoots out from the knee at a 15-20 degree angle. That’s my estimate since I don’t own a protractor or I would get seriously nerdy on your ass and tell you the exact angle. At any rate, It’s not a straight line from hip to ankle on that side and it causes me to have ISSUES there, particularly with my knee.

Shut up, left knee.

The other day, when I was doing a test run and feeling extra good about life, the universe, and everything, the left knee went “pop” which was not a happy thing.

Apparently this week will be spent figuring out just what the fuck is going on here.