Short Stories with Tall Ted

-The Gold Coast Titans are the local rugby team and we decided to go check out a game. The team color is similar to the Jacksonville Jaguars so we suited up as if we were headed to a Jags game. We had a few beers at the Kirra Beach Hotel and took a bus to the stadium. My micro bladder couldn’t make the trip. I had to find relief on the bus with the help of a water bottle while Nug and Ted covered for me. We cheered for the home team and finally learned the rules of rugby. I set out to get $6 beers for the 3 of us. I immediately noticed the dilemma of carrying them all. “Would you like a carry tray?” the attendant asked. “That would be great!” I responded. I was notified that the tray cost 50 cents. I dismissively laughed at him and declined. On the hike back to the seats I spilled at least $2 worth of beer before giving Nug and Ted their cups. The end of the game reminded me of watching a Jags game when the home team Titans gave up the lead and were defeated in the last 10 minutes.

– One night Nug, Ted, and I went to the Cooly Hotel to catch some live music. An incredibly stout “soul” woman was belting out some amazing covers of everyone’s Motown and disco favorites. The beats were infectious and soon we were all out on the dance floor. Ted bellyached that his height made him a beacon for attention. “That’s perfect! Everyone can see your dancing skills,” I said. The three of us persisted to throw down honky moves for the next hour. By some means the singer singled me out and persuaded me to get up on the stage. I was soon peer pressured into dancing on stage with her. Ted gleefully laughed at my pathetic contortions in front of the crowded bar. The tables had been turned. I understood his complaint. Nug’s face wore the undeniable look of embarrassment for me. I continued to awkwardly gyrate on display while the portly woman (she was easily twice my weight) manhandled my scrawny frame. After several songs, I worked my way back into the anonymity of the crowd. Ted was literally crying as he stated me that “Everyone got to enjoy your dancing skills!”

-Ted’s arrival in Australia coincided with 3 weeks of blue skies and pumping surf. One day we drove to Currumbin Alley to get away from the Cooly crowds. The waves were well overhead and the current was horrendous. Ted managed to make it out fairly easily while I was bombarded by walls of whitewater. I was ripped a quarter of a mile down the beach before making it out the back. We both got some good rides and after 2 hours I decided to call it quits. We had the camera so I decided to snap a few photos. At that moment the biggest wave of the day rolled through and Ted happened to be in the right position for it. He got the best ride of the morning as I muttered to myself, “Lucky bastard!”