In her famed 1971 "Raising Kane" essay (originally in The New Yorker), Pauline Kael made a curious reference that stuck with me. She mentioned a 1939 song about Orson Welles by Gene Lockhart, but she did not elaborate or supply the lyrics. In a paragraph about the attitude of the film community to Welles prior to Citizen Kane (1941), she wrote:

Welles was hated in Hollywood long before he'd made a movie; he was hated almost upon his arrival. From time to time, Hollywood used to work up considerable puerile resentment against "outsiders" who dared to make movies. The scope of Welles' reputation seems to have infuriated Hollywood; it was a cultural reproach from the East, and the Hollywood people tried to protect themselves by closing ranks and making Welles a butt of their humor. Gene Lockhart composed a stupid, nasty ditty called "Little Orson Annie," which was sung at Hollywood parties; the name stuck and was used by the columnists, though Hedda Hopper supported him and suggested that Hollywood reserve judgment, and Louella Parsons, on December 31st, selected him as "the most discussed personality to come to the films in 1939."

Intriguing, right? Well, obviously some sort of satirical springboard from James Whitcomb Riley's "Little Orphant Annie" (1885), still taught in schools in Indiana:

Little Orphant Annie's come to our house to stay,An' wash the cups an' saucers up, an' brush the crumbs away,An' shoo the chickens off the porch, an' dust the hearth, an' sweep,An' make the fire, an' bake the bread, an' earn her board-an'-keepBut why didn't Kael supply the Lockhart parody? In the mid-1970s I made a trip to the Boston Public Library to see if I could locate Lockhart's song, and after searching through a pile of books, I found it. I copied it down, but as years passed, the sheet I wrote on was eventually buried somewhere in my paper jungle. Recently, I decided to try again, this time doing a Google Books search. Once again, I found very few places where the lyrics were ever published, yet at last I can rescue it from obscurity. Here it is:

Little Orson Annie

Little Orson Annie's come to our house to play,An' josh the motion pitchers up an' skeer the stars awayAn' shoo the Laughtons off the lot an' build the sets an' sweepAn' wind the film an' write the talk an' earn her board-an'-keepAn' all us other acters, when our pitchur work is done,We set around the Derby bar an' has the mostest fun,A-list'nin' to the me-tales 'at Annie tells about,An' the Gobblewelles 'll git YOUEf you DON'T WATCH OUT!