Top 10 Worst Parts Of Bond Movies

With the release the terribly-titled Quantum Of Solace, it’s time to look back at all the Bond movies and find the very worst parts of the superspy’s history.

10. Licence To Kill – Felix survives

The entire movie is a brutal experience from beginning to end, with Timothy Dalton’s Bond globetrotting and killing, steadily growing closer to avenging the death of Felix Leiter. Except… Felix isn’t dead. Turns out he survived his close encounter with a shark. All he lost was a foot. …Which was back by the next movie.

Asleep?

9. Diamonds Are Forever – Car stunt gone wrong

Quite a famous cock-up. Car goes into alley on one set of wheels. Car leaves alley on another. Director realises and throws in extra shot of car tilting.

Joe Don Baker was the villain in The Living Daylights. It was big part. Impossible not to notice. So why on earth did they cast him AGAIN, this time as a CIA agent, just two movies later and think no one would notice? Are there so few actors out there? Has the profession shrunk that much?

6. For Your Eyes Only – Bibi Dahl

Here’s a terrifying sexually aggressive women. Bibi Dahl, 17 year old skating prodigy, meets Bond at an ice rink one snowy day. An hour later, she’s broken into his room, used his shower, climbed into his bed naked and offered him sex.

Fortunately Bond, in the 40+ guise of Roger Moore, decides not to have the creepiest and most borderline illegal shag of his career. Thus, Bibi remains the first and only girl to be denied a romp in the sack by Bond.

5. The Spy Who Loved Me – Stromberg’s plan

Behold a man with a plan. Stromberg is going to start a nuclear war between the superpowers and create a colony under the sea! That evil bastar- wait, what?

Yes, his plan is sh*t and full of holes. He doesn’t even die properly – Bond just shoots him. You know you’re a terrible villain when you don’t even get a gloriously over the top demise.

4. The World Is Not Enough – Denise Richards, nuclear physicist

What’s more offensive, the frustratingly muddled “war for oil” plotline, or the sight of Denise Richards as nuclear physicist Christmas Jones? Thought so.

3. Moonraker – Jaws falls in love

Moonraker was a horrendously rushed and misjudged film all round. Designed to cash in on the space craze brought on by Star Wars, it was an awful attempt to get Bond into space.

The worst part comes near the end, when Jaws, the only henchman awesome enough to be allowed to live for a second movie, falls in love with a tiny blond woman. With pigtails. And glasses.

WHAT.

And then joins forces with Bond to mess Drax’s plan up.

DOUBLE WHAT.

2. Tomorrow Never Dies – The plot

Bond is going through one hell of an action packed adventure, working closely with a Chinese agent (Michelle Yeoh) in order to find out why the British and Chinese are being played against each other.

Finally, he comes face to face with Rupert Murdoch, I mean Elliot Carver, who explains his demented plan: if Britain and China go to war, he can get broadcast rights inside China.

Read that out loud. Then shake your head.

1. Die Another Day – The entire film

It’s too hard to narrow it down to just one moment from Die Another Day. The movie was so dumb it put Pierce Brosnan in his Bond grave and caused the whole creative team to head back to the drawing board.

Let’s go down the list:

a) Madonna theme tune
b) Korean man has his face changed to that of a smug white British toff
c) Invisible car

While were at it, lets be honest, Alicia Keyes and Jack White in theory should have been a great first duo on a bond theme (too bad they didn’t use the title for the movie itself). But if you listen to the song, horrible is an understatement, it sounds like a bad kareoke version of a potentially good song, if you call it that even.

Easy peasy on this one — The “hilarious” fire engine chase sequence from A VIEW TO A KILL with “Stacy Sutton”/Tanya Roberts (“CHAMES!”) behind the wheel and Roger Moore’s Bond slapsticking it up while hanging off the ladder. *SHUDDER*

People waited years for Brosnan to be Bond and while the movies may not have been the best, he was a natural successor to Connery. But Daniel Craig?

Okay, they made a good action flick – but not a Bond movie. Craig doesn’t even look or act anything like one would expect from JB. Hell, I would have rather seen George Clooney in the role – at least he’d be dashing.

I also agree that Quantum of Solace was the worst Bond movie name ever (okay may Moonraker is first). It sounds like a dismal dystopian scifi flick – of which there were some at the time it came out. Hence I kept confusing it with the others.

The worst Bond moment has to be the pigeon double-take from Moonraker. Bond drives a ridiculous hovercraft gondola through a populated square in Venice and they actually make a pigeon double-take by moving the tape back and forth. At least it helps you forget the stupid hover-gondola incident.

Oh come on, if you are a true Bond fan, you have read the Ian Fleming books, and DC embodies the true essence of what Mr. Fleming intended for JB. I grew up with these movies and I’ve seen them all a million times, and I quote JB on a daily basis (I know I’m a dork), but Hollywood created the SC version, even though he is my favorite. For me the worst movies are from TD and PB. The most unbelievable scene is sledding down a mountain in a cello case and steering with the cello.