Good riddance foul implement . . .

It seems as though the past few months have been a time destined for letting go of the old and moving on to new things. From divesting myself of a rickety smartphone (Motorla Q9c) and investing in my Samsung Omnia, to seeing the retirement of my senior pastor (he’s missed far more than the Moto Q9c) and taking on many of his duties, to the untimely death of Sharp Microwave and the ushering in of it’s replacement, it has been a time of change around here.

Just when I thought the changes had finally settled down though, our family suffered yet another loss this week: the lawn sprinkler. I guess you’d really only call it a loss though if you will miss the object which is gone. Unlike Sharp Microwave – who was a dear friend to the whole family – Oscillating Lawn Sprinkler was often the bane of my existence. It’s inefficient and leaky ways always left me feeling like I was getting soaked in the deal. It took as much water as it could, but despite it’s apparent “settings wheel” it would never really take instruction well. In fact despite constant correction it usually watered my sidewalk and patio more than my lawn. I had been considering ending our relationship for some time now, but – being the gracious person I am – always thought that maybe next time it would finally get it right.

The last straw came on Tuesday night. The evening started of as it usually did with Oscillating Lawn Sprinkler curmudgeonly fighting against it’s settings and being too lazy to actually alternate spraying the right and then left sides of the lawn, and instead opting just to stick in one direction. Finally, after much tough love, I was able to “convince” it to start going from one side to the other again. Alas when I came out two hours later it became quite apparent that Oscillating Lawn Sprinkler had decided to go back to its one-sided ways shortly after I left the scene. It likely thought I would graciously forgive again after a short conversation, but it was mistaken: its day of reckoning had finally come. That night I declared that it had had it’s last chance and that, “Tomorrow I’ll buy a replacement”. It stayed that night on the lawn: the last night it would see on my green earth.

Being a man of my word I went the next day to Walmart and forged a new friendship with this brown and yellow beauty. With more jets than I could count and a promise of “25% increased efficiency” we hit it off right away. After paying I took the new sprinkler back to my yard and introduced Oscillating Lawn Sprinkler to it’s replacement. I think it was so shocked that it didn’t say a word. So I just unhooked it from it’s hose of four years and attached it’s replacement. I made a clean break and it felt good.

Rather than fighting and making a big scene of it though, Oscillating Lawn Sprinkler just slinked away on to the black top. Maybe it thought that in it’s retirement it could just hang on to a spot somewhere in the garage and while away it’s years in retirement. I considered it for a moment, but knew that letting it hang around wouldn’t be healthy or productive for either of us so I did the only thing I could do: I dumped it . . . in the garbage can in the alley.

Good riddance foul implement of water wastefulness and much agony. My life and the lives of my family are far better off without you in them.