Monday, June 10, 2013

Relief.

Two weeks ago I had my yearly checkup. As the doc was doing the breast exam she paused and then asked "have you ever noticed this before?"

Nope. I hadn't.

She didn't seem overly concerned but said she noticed a difference in tissue density from one breast to the other. (Or something like that.) She had me schedule a mammogram and ultrasound to have it checked out.

Even though the doc told me it was probably nothing and she was just having me get further tests to rule things out... well... I held it together till I got to the car and then I cried. I cried on and off all day long. I was tired. I didn't have the emotional capacity left to think this through rationally.

And the mammogram appointment wasn't for two more weeks.

I eventually put it out of mind. I wasn't going to worry about it for two weeks... but still, in the quiet moments, those thoughts were there. What if it IS cancer? What if it IS something more than the doc let on?

I kept myself busy.
I took pictures and edited them.
I read books.
I played mindless games on my kindle.

I prayed.

Today was mammogram day.
I was slightly terrified.

I had never had a mammogram before. I had no idea what to expect at this appointment. And I had no idea what they would tell me at the end.

Thankfully I had an early appointment. I woke up, got myself ready and headed to the hospital.
I checked in and waited.
They called me back and sent me to a changing room to put on one of their awesome shirts.
Then I sat in a tiny waiting room... couldn't have been bigger than a 6x6 square with four chairs squeezed in. Awkward.

I was eventually called back to have the procedure explained after which I had my boobs squeezed like pancakes by a machine. And then it was back to the waiting room.

Next up was the ultrasound. Let's just say it's much more exciting to have an ultrasound when you are checking out your baby in the belly. Breast ultrasounds... nothing exciting about them.

And then I got to wait and wait until the doc could come in. She checked things out a bit and then told me "I don't see anything at all to be concerned about. No cancer. I'm not even really sure what your doctor was concerned about. There are a few tiny cysts measuring maybe a millimeter. You don't need to be worried about anything."

So the good news is no cancer.
The bad news is that I have to go back again in six months to have the cysts remeasured.