1 posts from January 1996

Sunday, January 21, 1996

They hate the premise ("agonizing," The Dallas Morning News). They hate the message ("It stands in worship of stupidity. . . . unbelievably juvenile," The Denver Post). They hate the direction ("no pace, zip or drive," Chicago Tribune). And they hate the acting ("charmless," Variety).

They particularly hate the featured performer: "The loathsome Pauly Shore turns an almost winningly playful farce into a massively unpleasant travesty," seethes the Portland Oregonian. "Pauly Shore will never die," wails The Toronto Star. "Along with the cockroaches and Keith Richards, Shore will be one of the few living creatures on this planet to survive the apocalypse."

I, of course, love it. Not the movie--haven't seen it, won't--but the contortions and cartwheels of the critics as they strain the limits of metaphor and synonym in attempting to convey just how bad this movie is:

The Los Angeles Daily News critic complains that the pejoratives in a thesaurus are insufficiently strong to express his contempt for "Bio-Dome," so he must make up new nasty adjectives: "Gractious," he ventures. "Tripular."

Reading scathing arts criticism is one of my secret pleasures, particularly when the targets are big--like Pauly Shore, gross-out movies and MGM Studios. The print ads for this movie offer none of the customary critical endorsements, and MGM publicists could not come up with even one favorable review written by an adult.

Evidently, "Bio-Dome," really is a "loathsome piece of crapola" (Critic's Choice) and "a total offense to anyone who has the misfortune of shelling out cash to see it" (The Dean's List). In this "toxic mess," (Chicago Sun-Times) Shore, "an utterly aggravating presence" (Boston Phoenix) and "the most annoying comic alive" (San Francisco Chronicle), and Stephen Baldwin, "the littlest of the acting Baldwin brothers and apparently also the stupidest" (Ft. Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel), portray obnoxious slackers who accidentally become locked into a Biosphere-like science experiment for an entire year.

The result is "malodorous," says The Washington Post. " 'Bio-Dome' offers a pantsload of poop and masturbation jokes, deviant innuendo and simian sight gags." Not one "bodily function (is) passed over in the quest for comic relief," reports the Daily Herald. The theme may sound familiar, but "Bio-Dome," as USA Today puts it, "isn't 'Dumb and Dumber,' it's 'Worse and Worser.' "

"I can't remember ever wanting to walk out of a theater as desperately," moans the critic from the Ft. Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel.

"It's the kind of movie that makes you mean," snarls The Miami Herald. The Los Angeles Times insists that "Bio-Dome" exposes irredeemable flaws in the theory that film is an art and the theory that Homo sapiens is an intelligent life form.

"The people at MGM have to be happy that 1996 is a leap year because that gives someone an extra day to come up with a movie more stupid than their 'Bio-Dome,' " says the San Francisco Examiner. "There is a good chance however that this film may have set a standard that will be impossible to match. I'd worry about giving away the plot," the review continues, "except there isn't one and you're not going to see this movie anyway."

About "Change of Subject."

"Change of Subject" by Chicago Tribune op-ed columnist Eric Zorn contains observations, reports, tips, referrals and tirades, though not necessarily in that order. Links will tend to expire, so seize the day. For an archive of Zorn's latest Tribune columns click here. An explanation of the title of this blog is here. If you have other questions, suggestions or comments, send e-mail to ericzorn at gmail.com.
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Contributing editor Jessica Reynolds is a 2012 graduate of Loyola University Chicago and is the coordinator of the Tribune's editorial board. She can be reached at jreynolds at tribune.com.