I’ve
seen maybe 4 or 5 of his movies, and I’m pretty much sick of Jason
Statham already. Oh sure, he’s pulled off what very few guys have
been able to—he’s generally perceived as what the kids call
“attractive”and he’s bald. That’s like balling
Paris Hilton and not getting a case of panty-crickets—jerking off
the impossible! But Statham also does commonly bad action movies that
can only truly beappreciated when someone pulls out the
wheelchair weed and plays them on the TV in your friend’s kitchen.
“Under duress,”I believe the legal term is.

Every once in a while one of these cinematic Statham
Brand air biscuits isn’t loud and doesn’t stink, not too much
at least. The Bank Job looks like it just may fall into that category.
In what looks like a British Ocean’s Eleven, allegedly based
on a true story from ‘70s London, Statham heads up a crew hired
to break into a bank to recover some incriminating evidence concerning
the royal family and the embarrassment they’d hope to avoid. Said
McGuffin is in a safety deposit box, and I’m guessing that anything
else Statham and crew can get their hands on is their own as long as the
pictures are recovered. Something like that, anyway.

Oh, and the crew is largely comprised of idiots, the
slightly mannish-looking chick from Boston Legal is in it, and these turkeys
steal from the wrong people. Some mob boss, maybe. But whoever put this
trailer together scored it to “London Calling” by The Clash—a
song so cool that if I heard it while my house burned to the ground, I
wouldn’t feel too bad or mind at all for that matter. Another thing
such a classic song as this might make me do is get pumped up and actually
forget that I was watching a preview for the dopey cousin of Snatch,
Layer Cake or Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. But instead
I’ll watch Ocean’s Eleven (the remake of course) and
listen to “London Calling.” On the TV in my friend’s
kitchen. I know how to distract myself as well...