Survivors’ Network: Silent No More!

“Silent No More!” is the motto of the Survivors’ Network.

This page celebrates the life of everyone who has survived domestic tyranny in all its guises: child abuse and neglect, incest, sexual molestation, date rape and abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse, and spousal abuse. Membership is open to all survivors and those who have steadfastly and bravely protected us. We allwere created with the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

I believe that all men AND women are created equal.

I believe we all have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

I seem to be the only one willing to stand up to my abuser. Since he has been allowed to continue to control through the court system he has been awarded temporary custody. Almost a year ago, since then he has denied me visitation with our son on a regular basis. He has made three different abuse allegations to drag out our case. In May the Judge put strict language in our Order stating that an officer shall assist in exchanges. Meaning they we will help me get my son when he tries to deny me visitation again. My abuser sure showed them, he took our son to a Dr. several times and 11 days later we have new allegations and he files a 50 B against me on behalf of our son.
I know my son is being abused by his father. I also know my abuser is usingour son to make me suffer by denying us a relationship. Monday we go to court, I have already been informed that it is going to be continued until once again another “investigation” is complete. My attorney stated he would try to get me visitation, even if just for a day and supervised by a family member. I am SAYING NO!!!!! Everytime I have visitation, my abuser gets angry, and doctor shops with our son. I do not think it is healthy for a child to be dragged from one doctor to another just so my abuser can try and make some allegation stick. I do not think it is in the best interest of my son to have visitation with me as my abuser makes him suffer afterwards. If the Judge believes it is in the best interest of the child to reside with his father, an abuser with a record that proves it, a man who continues to deny visitation, than so be it. BUT I WILL NO LONGER BE APART OF MY SON BEING ABUSED!!!
Thanks for making me stronger:)

I am so sorry you are experiencing such pain and abuse. Sadly, many abusers have discovered how effectively the court system can be manipulated as an instrument of abuse. And, even more sadly, judges seem to be clueless as to what is happening in front of them.

You will notice a big yellow judicial guide at the bottom right of each of my pages. It is free and available on-line. Your attorney should read it, and a copy should be given to your judge. Also, there are classes available to bring judges up to speed. If the judges where you live haven’t taken the classes (most haven’t), I strongly urge you to read my posts about litigation abuse and Vernetta Cockerham’s story.

Finally, if you haven’t checked out sites like Mama Liberty, Rights 4 Mothers, and Angel Fury (on my blogroll), I strongly urge you to do so. There’s a VERY strong movement going on in this country to stop this bullshit. The women are forming a new political party next Monday. And, this issue is being covered at the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence’s annual convention next month.

So, you aren’t alone. A bunch of us are leveraging the Internet to bring the same information and resources to mothers that the fathers’ “rights” assholes are bringing to abusive fathers. We’re kicking ass and taking names.

In closing, you may find resources available to you if your local prosecutor’s office has a domestic violence unit. Hopefully, your local shelter is one that is up to speed on PAS.

I live in the same county as Vernetta Cockerham did when she went through her ordeal, if that tells you anything! If there is anything I can do, if there is anyone who wants to know what we have been through, anyone who wants to use my case as an example to show how things can go so wrong for the children, please don’t hesitate to contact me! I agree that it is time for change, someone needs to stand behind these mothers who try and protect these children. I seem to be the only one strong enough to stand against my abuser! I would love to help in any way that I can, for anyone who needs it. Our children are our tomorrow and if they are raised by abusers…..

The biggest problem with where you live is that the dumb shits running the NC Coalition fired RitaAnita Linger. She was the ONLY domestic violence advocate in the whole country who was worth a damn. And, those redneck monsters fired her. I’m pissed as hell about it because she helped so many people ~ including me. I’d be dead by now but for RitaAnita.

Quite frankly, I think you should raise hell with the Coalition. I can guarantee you that you wouldn’t be in your current circumstances if she was still at the Coalition.

If you know Vernetta, I would strongly urge you to connect with her. Nobody in the whole country that I know about ~ except women with a whole lot of money and power on their own ~ has prevailed like she did. Yes, she went through holy hell. But, she’s done better than most. . .including me. Why? RitaAnita Linger was there for her. As soon as RitaAnita heard about Vernetta’s case, she was on the phone around the country looking for a solution. We packed the courtroom, and Vernetta’s case got settled.

The American Women’s Political Party is starting today. I encourage you to join ~ visit Mama Liberty’s web site ~ she’s the ring leader.

It’s going to be up to you, Debbie. Sadly, now that RitaAnita is no longer with the Coalition there are no formal organizations ~ just other women walking in your shoes ~ getting together ~ saying “ENOUGH ALREADY!”

Sadly, Yadkin County doesn’t have a monopoly on clueless judges. But, Mama Liberty and her gang got a clueless twit in CA kicked off the bench. Since you live near Vernetta, I strongly encourage you to do what she did ~ pack the courtroom with people wearing purple and white.

If your judges are in the remedial group (slow learners), y’all are just going to have to be persistent and patient. Keep packing those courtrooms until they get their heads out of their asses.

I used to work for a man who said even a mule will back up if you hit him between the eyes with a brick often enough. Well, yours truly had to do this and get out the cast iron skillet and the baseball bat and light a whole fireworks display under people’s asses out here in WA State before they moved. It took a whole lot of energy and tears and me writing a blog post naming names to get them off their butts. But, they FINALLY did. . .last week.

Yes, it shouldn’t be this way. But, it is. And, it is going to stay this way until EACH of us starts raising holy hell. . .like in the movie Network. . .we need to open our windows and scream at the universe, “I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore.” And, we need to mean it.

Here is my latest, spoke with the social worker in Wake Cty., she is investigating the third allegation that my abuser has made against me. She stated that typical the psychologist will have a session with child and each parent seperately.
Unfortunaetly my abuser has taken a protection order out against me on behalf of our child. So I will not be given that right.
ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!
So I have sent my atty. an email asking him to file an emergency motion in Court tomorrow specifically asking the Judge to grant me this right. To allow me to attend one of these sessions. Afterall The psychologist herself said that it would be helpful for her to see me and the child together. I will let you know what happens. Quite frankly if the Judge denies me this right I think it would make for a nice case of a denial of CIVIL RIGHTS!! When I go to Court I will say who is to blame for the abuse my child is suffering. I am so ready to stand up and SHOUT!!!!

I have run this private group for almost a decade and have about 44 moms from coast to coast going through the immoral abuse in probate court of losing their children to their abusers. I went through it about 10 yrs. ago. I got my child back, while her big brother waited it out with me through 4 yrs of court against a father’s rights attorney. Lost all my money fighting, but we got her back a few years ago, now she is 18 and still at home with me. Her big brother is up the street with my 2 tiny grandchildren. Times have changed for us, but what we got put through will always leave us saddened and angry. Anyone wanting to join our group, anyone in need of help, just send me an email robinw_01854@yahoogroups.com

Thanks for visiting and leaving a comment. I’m sorry for the anguish you experienced and applaud how you have turned this experience into something positive for those walking in your shoes today. As you know, this is a terrifying place for mothers to be ~ the meaningful help comes from other mothers.

Do you have a web site or blog address??? I’m trying to think how I can provide my visitors with a permanent link to you. Also, would you be interested in writing a guest column to get the word out on your group?

I am so happy to find your site and so grateful for all that you are doing to stop the abusive treatment of women. We are fifty percent of the population and yet we suffer ninety percent of the abuse. In many cases you can use drugs and go to prison longer than if you commit rape.

But it is the everyday violence and violation of our humanity that is the most disturbing. Men lie, manipulate and defraud us out of our time, energies, money, bodies, support and human dignity. No one has a right to do this.

The only way to stop this abuse is to tell the truth of our lives. Secrecy is the weapon of abuse. It is time for all women (and men) to stand up and stand against violence, fraud and abuse.

Knowledge is power………and I look forward to learning more and helping make a difference!

KB, I’ve noticed that you posted two comments, but I’m not seeing your e-mail address on either comment.

Perhaps what you are seeing is a box that automatically pops up as a convenience when you click on the “comments” button. Before you can post a comment, WordPress requires people to include an e-mail address. The logic is that it cuts down on cyber-bullying and “flaming” if people have to identify themselves via an e-mail address before they can submit a comment.

After you’ve left a comment on a site, the box gets filled out automatically so you don’t have to submit the information in again each time you want to leave a comment.

I hope this makes sense. If you are seeing your e-mail address anywhere on my site, please let me know. I will remove it immediately. Nobody needs their e-mail address on the Internet.

I sent you a very detailed e-mail regarding my friend who is in the middle of a custody battle with her pedophile ex-husband and I have never received a response. It has been about two weeks now. I understand you are a busy person, but someone running a group such as this should know what it would have meant to get some sort of response from you. I am so disappointed. I have sent e-mail after e-mail to newspapers and news programs with no response obviously, but to not receive one from an advocacy group is appaulling. Actually, one reporter did respond to me and said he would look into my friend’s story because her ex-husband is an active duty member of the millitary so this also involves a miltary cover-up of the early abuse allegations.

I’ve never received an e-mail from you. I’m not an advocacy group, and I don’t have the resources to help individual people.

It is difficult to get the military to admit domestic violence is an issue. However, there are individuals at every military base who are being PAID to help and protect your friend. Yes, they can demonstrate callous indifference.

My suggestion is that you go with your friend to the base to see this person. Stare them down until they start doing their damned job.

Also, if you are in a city on the Saving Promise tour (click on the butterfly on my blog roll), I encourage you to go to the rally and connect with other survivors. This is how we can change the system. We have to speak up. We have to hold people accountable. And, we need to stick together. When we reach critical mass (too many for them to ignore), newspapers will start carrying our stories, and the military won’t dare ignore your friend. Sadly, we aren’t there yet.

Silent No More!!
I cannot stand when a Judge says “We will continue this case until….. and the parent has already spent months without there child/children. There has GOT to be a time limit on this, 30 days here, 30days there… It is not right. I know fore my children were taken from me after the death of my child, after I had obtain a DV50B order, I was told that the death of my daughter of 17 was my fault. MINE. So Please hear our cry, for we do everyday miss our children when they are not with us. “it is damaging” for both sides. Makes me want to get my COW BELL and request a MOOOOOOVE…. for we as a nation have screamed out. Now I just want to make some NOISE……
Have a Blessed day.
Vernetta Cockerham
Domestic Violence Advocate for Social Change.

You’ve had a very powerful voice to end the silence ~ especially about litigation abuse. My heart grieves for the loss you suffered, and I admire greatly what you have done to make a difference for others.

I am in desperate need of help. I have a civilian temporary restraining oderr and a military protection order against my husband (who is active duty military). He has continued to stalk and harrass me and even has other people stalking me. The hearing for the protection order is on the 31st (monday) and I have no lawyer. He has an aggressive one. The military will not help me, I opened an investigation with MPI because of the protection order violations and they found it unsubstantiated. Him and 2 members of his chain of command forcefully entered my home and left it in shambles. I took pictures, and the SGT MAJ of the mp battalion told me it was my word against theirs and insinuated I did that to my own home. I am grateful my children were in school at the time. I have spoken with multiple lawyers and no one will take my case because I dont have the money. I have a job and would be able to do a payment plan but they all want $ upfront.The food bank gave me moldy food and I had to go to AER to get money for food and gas. I have been trying to get away from him for almost 8 years. He has been deployed 5 times and I am going to lose the protection order on monday if I cant get help. I am terrified for myself and my kids. If you can help me, please please PLEASE call my cell phone. 253-678-8617 Two five three six seven eight eight six one seven.

Go immediately to the Crystal Judson Family Justice Center in Tacoma and do NOT leave until they help you. You may have to look people in the eye and say, “look, asshole, I don’t want to be another Crystal. . .do. . .you. . .get. . .that???” Crystal Judson Brame was walking in your shoes ~ nobody being PAID to help her had the strength of character or integrity to do it. Her estranged husband was the Tacoma Chief of Police. He shot her in front of their kids and then shot himself.

Her father got funding for that shelter so that no other woman would have to go begging for help and come away empty. Rep. Dave Reichert helped secure that funding because he’s been where your kids are. So, do NOT leave until they help you. If they refuse to help you, call Reichert’s campaign office.

The Judson Center should help you get into the Address Confidentiality Program (ACP) which is fantastic. Don’t stress out about the order of protection. It’s just a piece of paper that gives the cops a short list of suspects if something happens to you. The courts in Pierce County absolutely, positively suck at protecting people from DV. Even if you could afford a lawyer, it probably wouldn’t alter the outcome in court.

You are going to have to move to join the ACP. My suggestion is that you get the hell out of Pierce County. Kathy Lambert on the King County Council kicks serious butt for domestic violence survivors. If you need funding for housing, ask the folks at the Judson Center how you can get a housing voucher ~ Shelter + Care can give you housing assistance that is much like Section 8 ~ except ~ landlords are way more willing to accept it. Catholic Charities frequently helps women with children.

I’m sorry, but I don’t have the time, energy, or resources to help individual people. I don’t even have transportation to get to you.

You’ve survived for 8 years because you must be resourceful and diligent. You will need those qualities in abundance. However, if you go in with a “poor me” control drama, you won’t get anywhere. Agencies are more inclined to help those who demonstrate a willingness to help themselves. You won’t be rescued, but you can get access to the resources that you need.

In closing, food banks suck. They are essentially garbage pails for grocery stores. I got so pissed off about the garbage I got at a local pantry that I took it directly to Jesse Jones at one of KING5’s food bank drives. He almost retched into my bag. But, KING5 still conspires in the fraud.

I hope these suggestions will help you. I have shared with you my best advice, and I know from personal experience that the system doesn’t always operate the way it should. You know this, but I feel I need to reinforce that you need to listen to your instincts. You really need to get the hell out of where you are and get to a place where he can’t find you. It isn’t easy. It isn’t cheap. It isn’t fun. Your kids need for you to be the best you can be. Remember this. Your kids need you.

After a 30 year relationship/13 year marriage, I AM OUT! I will never be silent again and will tell everyone that there is help out there and they are NOT alone! It’s not too late, it may not be easy, but you can do it!

Count me in too! My blog may be in a cover name for safety sake, but in real life I have spent the last 18 mos. working for a local DV organization. It happens to all walks of life, and FREEDOM & protection should be granted after a person breaks free from domestic abuse – for mother and children.

i feel so trap,,,im depressed,scared,im heart broken the man i thought loved me is a narcissistic..im dealling with all kinds of abuse..somebody help me,,how to do and plan things right,,,i want to leave..

lily2002. I am so sorry you are going through such pain and turmoil. You need to make a plan to leave. Contact your local YWCA, they ccan help you with restrainorders, counseling, shelter information. But you need to know there is help out there for you. YOU, have to take that 1st step to finding the help. You can do it, You can be brave and strong. You need to get away nefore something really serious happens…before it’s too late. PLEASE go forward and make the choice to help yourself. GO girl!! 😉

Were you involved in the Cambridge Women’s Center when we did the protest march in Boston? I was… hear there’s a book out by Nancy Whittier at Smith about politics of child abuse ….I have pictures of the march if I can find them…. I know at least one person who was also involved in planning… wouldn’t it be fun to get that history on line?

i dont know why they call rape victim “survivors” I dont feel like I have survive anything! I did not survive anything because I was actually raped. I am angered!!!!! is that okay?? I just want to scream sometimes

I was brutally beaten by my family and sexualy abused by them and emotionally abused by my mother who is a narcissist!! I am looking for an arthur to help me write a book on what I went through and how I finally got out of that house !! I hope somone can help me.

Elizabeth Gilbert is the quintessenial role model for leveraging a person's talents to learn how to survive, thrive, and find joy. When life handed her the lemons of a bitter divorce, she squeezed those lemons into the stratosphere of best-selling books. Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India, and Indonesia was on th […]

Physical abuse is no longer just about bruises and broken bones. Emotional abuse is about more than hurt feelings. The long-term health impacts of domestic violence (DV) are being characterized as "epidemic" and a "national scourge" by Robert S. Thompson, MD, because DV affects between 25% and 54% of women in their adult lifetimes, and a […]

The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity: A Course in Discovering and Recovering Your Creative Self by Julia Cameron is a fabulous book and a 12-week fantastic experience. I've done the course twice. At the end of my first course, the other participants created a protection circle for me. It was a life-altering experience to be in th […]