Mo Farah capsizing a canoe, Katherine Grainger sprinting the 100m and
Christine Ohorougu struggling to hit an archery target. What better end to
our glorious Olympic year than the return of naff TV classic Superstars,
asks David Thomas.

Superheavyweight boxer Anthony Joshua and oarswoman Helen Glover may only have picked up MBEs in the New Year’s Honours List, but the Olympic gold medallists on Saturday night won an honour that, in its day, was almost as prestigious as a gong from Her Majesty: the right to call themselves a national Superstars champion.

So Superstars 2012 was not just that rare occasion on which a man like Iwan Thomas can tell a slim, attractive woman like Glover, 'You were an absolute beast,’ and have it taken as a compliment.

It was also a happy reminder of a golden age of endearingly naff, gloriously British TV as the return of this Seventies TV classic saw 16 of our medallists, eight men and eight women, lining up to make chumps of themselves in a mildly more sophisticated version of a school sports day, performed before small, but enthusiastic crowds in cold, wet, thoroughly miserable weather.

The competition featured eight different events, spread over two days. Two of them, the 100m sprint and the gym test, were compulsory for all competitors. The other six comprised archery, the 800m, kayaking, swimming, cycling and javelin. Each competitor appeared in four of the six, but was kept out of any event close to their own Olympic sport.

'They’re putting their bodies and reputations on the line to find out just who’s the best,’ said the host of the show Gabby Logan.

But it was Logan’s reputation that seemed more in danger. For as the competition began at Bath University her admirable body was swathed in a sort of black, brown and oatmeal grey double-breasted coat, with buttoned-down white lapels that gave it a weirdly Napoleonic air.

This was a garment that made even Tess Daly’s more adventurous Strictly frocks look tastefully well-chosen.

Conscious, perhaps of his own potential for reputational damage, shooting gold-medallist Peter Wilson was getting his excuses in early: 'My sport is perfected standing as still as possible, so I am petrified.’

With those words Wilson laid down a marker: he might be comically rubbish at any sport that did not put a gun in his hand, but he’s quite the master of repartee.

He challenged Mo Farah before their kayak race by calling out, 'I’m ready for you, Mo. Let’s get it on like Donkey Kong!’ With a tall, chiselled, agreeably posh demeanour, the humiliation of coming last at Superstars may well, in the long run be outweighed by the possibility of a TV career when his shotgun barrels begin to droop.

But what of the competition itself? Well, Anthony Joshua powered away from the rest of the field in the opening sprint and never really looked back.

It turned out he wasn’t just a fast runner, he could swim, cycle and throw the javelin better than anyone else, too. The Brownlees continued the fraternal rivalry that clearly interests them more than any other aspect of sporting competition, but which might soon become rather tiring for the rest of us. Jamieson and Grabarz hung on to hopes of a podium and Mo Farah turned out to be surprisingly mediocre at anything that did not involve running incredibly fast for five or 10,000 metres.

As for the women, this was a much tighter contest. The early dark horse and overnight leader was Laura Bechtolsheimer, though her level of preparation (she was the only girl to turn up for the 100m with spiked shoes) and technical prowess at events like the kayaking might perhaps be explained by the fact that she is not only a fine sportswoman, but also the granddaughter of a German billionaire: two words that smack of efficiency, and the means to implement it.

Like Mo Farah, Christine Ohurougu, seemed oddly uncomfortable off the track. Jade Jones again demonstrated the fighting spirit that lurks within her waif-like frame. And Katherine Grainger showed brief flashes of the awesome strength and power she displays when in a rowing boat.

But from the moment she strode away from the rest of the 800m field, before revealing in her post-race interview that she had been an international cross-country runner as a junior, Helen Glover was the class of the field.

She swam as fast as she ran — so fast, in fact, that she would have won the men’s event, too. And she dipped and squatted her way through the gym tests in a way that would have made Brian Jacks, Superstars gym-god of decades gone by purr with appreciative pleasure.

Helen Glover is the nicely-spoken ponytailed epitome of the sporting Englishwoman. Anthony Joshua is the Watford-born son of Nigerian immigrants. And as both were crowned champion so Superstars, like the Olympics themselves, gave every race, class and gender in the country something to be proud of.

Helen Glover and Anthony Joshua (BBC/IMG)

CHAMPS AND CHEATS

Brian Jacks, one of the most successful Superstars contestants, became far more famous for his exploits on the show than for his sporting career which preceded it.

Although he won Great Britain’s first ever judo medal at a world championship, in 1967, and a bronze medal at the 1972 Olympics, he really shot to fame following his performances on the show. Jacks, pictured, first appeared on the programme in 1979, winning the competition comfortably, before finishing joint first in the European event in the same year.

The following year, he beat Daley Thompson, who had won the decathlon gold medal in the 1980 Olympics in Moscow, to retain the British title.

Jacks is best remembered for his performances in the gym tests, where he set numerous records, including 100 parallel bar “dips” in a minute and 118 squat thrusts - also in a minute.

More high profile sportsmen such as Bjorn Borg, the tennis star, and Kevin Keegan, the footballer, also appeared on the show at the height of its popularity.

Competition was fierce. In one controversial moment, Jody Scheckter, the motor racing champion, put oil on the soles of his shoes to ease his progress in the squat thrusts in the 1981 World Finals. Challenged by officials, he said: “Show me the rule that says I can’t.”