As homeschool mammas, our days are really full. From the minute our feet hit the floor in the morning until we (literally) fall into bed at night, life doesn’t stop for a single second.

Why do we do it? Because it’s important, we believe in it, and we love it.

But it isn’t easy. Not by a mile.

That’s why on those days — you know the ones – when we barely manage to get dressed by lunch time, have a sink full of dishes from two nights before, and somehow manage to last all day without a single pee, there are some things we just don’t want to hear.

So, heads up, dads. This one’s for you.

It’s for all the hubs who were only trying to help. All of the spouses who meant well. All of the guys who took one look and decided it was time to step in. Basically,for all those lovable hunks we mammas couldn’t live without, yet know not what they do.

Please, husbands. For the love of all that is good in this world. For a long and happy marriage. You must never utter these words to your homeschooling wife:

#1. That’s all you got done today?

Because when you say: “That’s A-L-L you got done today?” (variations: “She’s still working on that?” and “Yea, you told about that last week.”)

We think: Yea, that’s helpful. Thanks so much for pointing it out. But, in case you hadn’t noticed, that’s almost half a page more than yesterday. And he couldn’t even do this kind of thing last month. And, by the way, do you have any idea what it took to get this page done? <insert gray hair euphemism> Besides the fact that I can actually r-e-a-d the answers this time! And it only took until 4 o’clock. Not 8 o’clock like ALL. LAST. YEAR. Total victory in my book.

#2. Is there any meat?

Because when you say: “Is there any meat?” (variation: “Did you make my lunch?”)

We think: No, hon, sorry I didn’t cook any meat tonight. But I did cook beans (okay, I opened a can) and I put that jar of peanuts on the table over there, so there’s your protein. And I’m trying to save money like you asked me to. And I didn’t have time to run to the store anyway. And don’t you think it’s nice to go meatless every once in a while? Besides, me and the kids happen to love beans. And, by the way, it’s a small miracle I managed to get any dinner on the table after the day I’ve had. Oh, and, sweetheart, if you really want something special for dinner, would it really kill you to make it yourself? make sure to remind me when you leave in the morning, so I can put it on my list of ten thousand other things to do. ‘Cause I love to prepare your favorites <smile>.

#3. You’re just imagining things.

Because when you say: “You’re just imagining things.” (variations: “Remember all those other times you…?” and “I don’t see anything.”)

We think: Any combination of the following: How can you be so blind? How can you be so blind to how I feel? Can’t you tell how I feel? Why can’t you just tell how I feel? You’re supposed to know how I feel! Or, any combination of these statements: Actually, I wasn’t really looking for advice. Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t real. How friggin’ dare you? Hold me. How the heck would you know when you’re not home all day? Mothers intuition trumps everything. Why can’t you just listen without saying anything? Hmmm, maybe I am really crazy.

#4. You should teach that.

Because when you say: “You should teach that.” (variations: “You should teach that.” and “What aren’t you teaching that?”)

We think: Why, thank you, dear. What a wonderful idea! <insert major sarcasm> Let me just add it to my list of 24,995 other things I’m already teaching, so I don’t forget. And, by all means, don’t forget to check back with me every now and then, to remind me, and to let me know if I’m doing it right. I want to be sure I cover it exactly the way you want me to.

#5. I deserve a day off, too.

Because when you say: “I deserve a day off, too.” (variations: “I need a break”, “I’ve been out there busting my butt all day”, “I just got home!”, and “Can’t I just get a few minutes of peace and quiet around here?”)

We think: You’re kidding, right? Of course you deserve a break, dear. Because all I do all day is sit around watching TV and ordering new shoes on your credit card. You do need to relax. After all, your job is more important than mine anyway. Not to mention so much harder. (Seriously? Well at least somebody around here gets a break.)

#6: I’ll show you how to do it.

Because when you say: “I’ll show you how to do it.” (variation: “Lemme show you how it’s done” and “Don’t you remember I showed you this already?”)

We think: Here he goes again. Telling me how to do my job. Was he the one who read all those homeschooling books? Is he the one who goes to all those meetings? Has he ever even heard of Maria Montessori or Charlotte Mason or Emilio Reggio? He’s not the one stuck at home all day with these little brats darling children. Sure, buddy, go ahead and show me how to do it. I dare you.

#7: Is there any way you can get them to stop leaving their stuff all over the floor (table, porch, driveway)?

Because when you say: “Is there any way you can get them to stop leaving their stuff all over the floor (table, porch, driveway)”? (variation: anything containing the word “passage-way”)

We think: Like I haven’t tried? And this is what it looks like on a good day! You should’ve seen the place before we actually picked up <snarky laugh>. You think you can do better? Good luck with that. Besides, we live here, for crying out loud. If I pick it up now, it’s just gonna get messy in another 5 minutes. Sheesh!

#8: Just give him the book and tell him to figure it out!

Because when you say: “Just give him the book and tell him to figure it out!” (variation: “She’s not trying hard enough.”)

We think: If you could only see me shaking my head inside. You think I haven’t tried that? He doesn’t understand it, because he doesn’t understand it! Giving him the book again for the seventeen millionth time isn’t gonna help. What he needs, is for us to help him. We’re his parents — that’s what we’re supposed to do. <under breath> Didn’t you get the memo?

#9: You sure you should be eating that?

Because when you say: “You sure you should be eating that?” (variation: “Why don’t you go for a jog/do some push-ups?”)

We think: Did you really just say that? and Did you really just say that? (Okay, this might just be in our house.)

#10: Aren’t you coming to bed?

Because when you say: “Aren’t you coming to bed?”

We think: Leaving this one up to you, but I suggest something along these lines: “I’ll be right there. I just have a couple of things to do first” followed by a brief period in which you unload the dishwasher, tuck a half dozen kids in, carry in glass after glass of water, send kid after kid back to bed, feed starving pets, check calendar for tomorrow, take your vitamin, turn off a hundred devices left on around the house, hang up the phone, unclog a toilet, put the lid back on the jelly, put the clothes in the dryer, and hop into bed all showered and energized by that tempting invitation to stay up an extra hour and cut in to your sleep just one more time.

Bonus (and my all-time favorite):

#11: “Stop bugging mom.”

Good one. Really, really helpful. Thanks, hon.

P.S. This post was husband-approved (he’s actually pretty great).

P.P.S. Don’t deny it — you know you secretly have these thoughts, too.

I love connecting with families in new places and in new ways. Today, I had the pleasure of posting over at The Homemaking Cottage. If you’ve never visited there before, I encourage you to head over right now to read my article (short preview, below) and learn all about supporting your students from homeschool to college.

While you’re over there, make sure to check out the many other wonderful offerings on this lovely e-zine style blog. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it as much as I do!

Here’s a preview…but click over to read the ENTIRE ARTICLE so you don’t miss a thing:

One of the most satisfying moments for a homeschool parent is watching a child easily gain acceptance to a college or a university. Even more gratifying is the realization that successfully preparing that student for adult life was just part of the larger homeschool journey all along.

Not all children are college-bound, and attending college certainly isn’t for everyone. But, even when kids have other plans, it’s certainly nice to know they can decide to go to college later on, and that they’re well prepared for the demands of college, career and adult life.

College readiness goes far beyond academics, includes other life skills that should be taught throughout the childhood years. The good news is, a homeschooling lifestyle makes it easy to cover it all, so these additional skills are nothing more than most families would be teaching anyway. There is absolutely no reason for homeschool grads not to enter the college world with skill and confidence (and for their parents to rest easier, too)!

I have personally graduated students on to college and I meet regularly with families of high schoolers applying to colleges, too. In this article, I’ll talk about the academic preparation plus all of the other skills needed to best prepare students for this very important transition.

Another infographic crossed my desk this morning. This one caught my eye, as the title was: #1 Thing Kids Want When They’re Stressed”. It illustrates the results of a study in which children were surveyed by a company providing a therapeutic program for anxiety relief. Though the study facts and measures weren’t all that clear, I didn’t for a moment disagree with its findings:

Kids are most stressed by school.

I can’t say I’m surprised. But, I have to say, it really hurt to see that it in print.

Think about this for a second: school stresses kids out. Doesn’t that make you sad and angry, too?

You know, when we choose to homeschool our kids, we avoid the stresses of traditional schooling. If grades are stressful, we find other ways to assess our kids. If the work load is too great, we can scale back or switch methods (with no loss of learning or progress). We’re not shielding our children from the real world, but instead helping our kids learn about stressors while they’re still in our care. And we’re giving them the tools to deal with stressors when they’re adults. It’s more gradual, gentle, and studies tell us — works better, too.

So, here’s my question to you today: Are you taking notice? If school is the #1 stressor of our nation’s kids, why aren’t more people standing up for change? Of the zillions of great parents out there — and believe me I know you’re an awesome parent – why aren’t more of you deciding you’ve had enough?

As a nation, we parents need to speak up. We need to look deeper. We need to demand change.

Clearly, given this statistic, not enough of us are noticing what conventional schooling is doing to our kids. Some of us are standing against Common Core, and that’s something. But why still support the system — if you already know it just isn’t working.

If you’re already a homeschooler, I am happy your children are not included in that statistic. But if you’ve got kids in traditional schools, won’t you please take a moment to check in with your children today? Make sure they’re okay — I mean, really okay. Ask them how they’re feeling about school. And please listen hard for what they’re trying to tell you.

Also today, spend some time looking into what is going on in your district, in your state. Volunteer in your local schools. Meet with your neighbors. And read, read, read what other parents have to say.

By the way, the same study also revealed the #1 thing kids ask for when they’re stressed…their parents.

They’re looking to you.

Considering homeschooling? This book tells you everything you need to get started. You’ll be easily homeschooling in under 2 weeks, and your entire family will be enjoying it, too!

Spend any time on homeschooling sites and you’ll find a thousand different ways to do it. You’ll learn that no way is any more right than the others. And you’ll read how those differences are what make the homeschooling canvas so colorful, the practice so effective and the lifestyle so very worth living.

I agree.

My style is rather structured. I would classify myself as 80% curriculum user. I either buy our curriculum or create it myself. I use curriculum not because I think it’s the only way or the best way. I use it because it works so well for me and my family. And where an organized curriculum isn’t the right fit, that’s where the 20% comes in.

Everyone is different. For us, curriculum and schedules work with what our family wants to teach and learn. We like it because the framework that comes from using a curriculum helps to structure our days and covers a lot of bases.

But curriculum also gives us the freedom to deviate from it any time we like. Many people don’t realize you can do that. We venture outside the pages all the time, hopping back in and out again any time we want.

Somewhere along the way, I realized there were things I wanted my boys to learn that would never be found in any curriculum. So, I wrote it out, and started calling it our life curriculum. It’s unique to us, but I thought you might like to take a peek at what’s inside.

As you read, remember that I am raising boys. I think most of this curriculum applies to girls, too, but I am adding that for clarification, and as a disclaimer, too. Also be aware that my views may be considered more traditional or more conservative than others. I’m the mom, so I get to do that. These are my goals, for raising my young men, in these times, with the values they will be competing with in their own generation. Yours might be a lot different.

This is not the full list, but a subset of what I try to teach in our home. If I manage to do this all, I think my boys will all graduate in pretty good shape. Don’t you?

Take a look:

Nutrition: My goal is for my kids to leave home with an understanding of proper nutrition versus treats and splurges. I want them to understand (while eating in a college cafeteria, for example) what constitutes a complete meal, and which foods to eat sparingly or generally avoid. When surrounded by dorm mates subsisting on noodles, chocolate paste and white bread, I want them to know the difference between lazy, unhealthy eating and dining to nourish the body and mind. Most of these lessons happen in everyday life, though sometimes I offer a separate class in cooking or home economics. Specifically, I make sure to teach:

cooking from scratch a large variety of meals

locating recipes, or feeling comfortable mixing ingredients

safe food storage

use and cleaning of small appliances

using up leftovers and avoiding food waste

using food to promote good health

how to shop grocery stores, where to find foods locally and online

how to compare prices and determine value

sourcing natural or healthier options when possible

using herbs and spices to enhance flavor or achieve health benefits

Hygiene: I want my boys to leave home knowing how to take care of themselves in areas of personal hygiene and grooming. I do not (any longer) enforce a code of dress or hair style, but I need them to know that these factors make an impact on how they are perceived by others. I try to strike a balance between their sense of individuality and the need for them to to fit in and not offend. And though it irks me to have to discuss such things, I know their survival and success ultimately depends on it, particularly those of my kids who have chosen careers that come with protocols for dress and appearance. I do not advocate using chemical self-care products (any more), so we are currently converting ourselves to natural and home-made powders, deodorants and acne treatments. We are still working on this area. With my husband’s help and guidance in this area, we teach things like:

shaving, mustache and beard grooming

hair care, including washing and styling, and tying it up when required/appropriate

acne prevention and treatment

toileting habits

body care (showering and cleanliness)

nail and foot care

handling body odor

teeth care (surprisingly, many children are never taught to floss properly)

Relationships: I really want my kids to thrive in this area. My own childhood experiences combined with the possible isolation that can result from spending lots of time at home, I have purposed to make sure they are well-versed in this area. It seems I am constantly working on this one, and these skills are forever being challenged in one way or another. I persevere. By using discussions, books, practice and role-playing, I teach:

how to act in different situations around all kinds of people

the difference between a friend and an acquaintance, how to be a good friend

how to stand, sit, talk, make eye contact, read social distance and use body language appropriately

how to value all others, patience, tolerance, recognizing strengths and differences

not to say everything they think aloud for all to hear

peer pressure

loving kindness to all living things (thankfully, an easy one for my kids)

conflict resolution within the family and in the world (how to handle, how to forgive, how to move on)

the differences between men and women, as much as I understand them, with a bias toward chivalry and traditional male/female roles (holding doors, giving up a seat, feelings and emotions, understand urges versus making intellectual choices)

First Aid: Self-explanatory, but my goal here is simply to make sure my kids can take care of minor illnesses and injuries on their own, can find reliable information they can trust, can locate a health practitioner if they need one, and to know when to seek help.

Home Maintenance: Our children have always been assigned many different chores, thus this is something they learn as we train them to help and contribute around the home. Before they leave our home, I want them to be able to:

have attempted a variety of other tasks, such as painting, roofing, carpentry, and plumbing

Automotive Maintenance: Basic car maintenance is something I wish I was taught. Aside from changing tires and replacing oil, I have always felt quite helpless on the road. In contrast, I want my kids to feel comfortable around a vehicle, and to know what to attempt on his own versus what requires the help of a professional. This is my husband’s area, and one he is presently working on at this stage of their lives. I have no idea what they will learn in his charge, but I know he’ll do a great job. (Maybe I should take this class, too!)

Yard Maintenance: Our family has lived in the city and also in the country, so my kids have been exposed to a great variety of tasks in this area. Some of these jobs have been assigned, and others end up being performed serendipitously while trying to accomplish something else. Sometimes, these are included as chores, but other times, we purpose to teach them as a part of a life skills or other class. Because I want my kids to be able to take care of their own homes some day, I make sure they can:

cut grass, trim edges, blow away debris

plant and weed gardens, plant trees

grow herbs in pots, water plants

mix up basic natural pest-control recipes and apply them

use chemical products with safety

apply fertilizers and mulches

pressure wash a home exterior, sidewalks and drives

rake and bag leaves, know about composting

trim bushes and smaller trees, bundle branches

load and unload trucks and work vehicles

Business Skills: This is a huge category that includes many different things they need to know right now, plus other skills they will more than likely need as they get older. In homeschool, I teach keyboarding and computer use, reading and writing business correspondence, making telephone calls, understanding and paying invoices, using the postal system, setting up various kinds of accounts, and much more. Because we have owned several companies over the years, our children have also worked with us, and for us, and have be exposed to many different things. For the most part, our children now understand budgeting and advertising, payroll and temporary employment, partnerships and incorporation, royalties and payments, and much more. In this area, I also purpose to teach each child about Internet privacy, fraud and identity theft, reviewing credit reports, disputing bills, and more.

Financial Literacy: One of the most important skills we began teaching as our kids grew, we have continued to prioritize financial literacy within our family. My husband and I are living proof of living on a modest income, about saving (or not spending), buying wisely, purchasing pre-owned vehicles and furniture and more. In addition to teaching these skills ourselves, over the last several years, I have begun to incorporate packaged curriculum in this area (to make sure I don’t miss anything I don’t know). Our teens take several financial literacy courses prior to homeschool graduation, and have already put many of these practices into their lives. (I’m proud to say that our children do not pay a nickel for college and have been able to avoid student loans, too!) This area includes lessons about:

Communication Skills: It comes as no surprise that homeschooled youth often grow into excellent communicators. Having the advantage of time, freedom of expression, and exposure to many different people and experiences all contribute to why this is so. In addition to what my kids pick up on their own, I also make sure to include communication in the yearly course line-up for every one of my kids. Over the years, my boys will take classes in:

Writing of all kinds: story writing, research paper writing, creative writing, etc.

Oral communications, speech giving

Interpersonal communications

Psychology and the science of human communication

Other specialized writing courses, depending on the child, that may help in their chosen career

Mind and Body: My husband and I are both very interested in these areas, and we try to teach our children about the relationship between the mind and the body, and the interplay between behaviors and their impact on health and wellness. Depending on what my husband and I are studying at the time, our children are usually invited to study along. Sometimes, these ideas develop into courses; other times, they are learned as electives or hobbies in our spare time. Over the years, our kids have either read or discussed with us many different books about religion, philosophy, spirituality, physical fitness personal growth, and more. They have learned in churches, dojos, yoga studios, tennis courts, swimming pools, meditation rooms, via video, DVD, audio, online seminars, classes, books, family friends and from my husband and I, and so on. We are constantly adding to our home library and resources in these areas, so by the time they graduate, our kids will have learned about these areas, and more:

Western and alternative medicine

Religion and philosophy

Drugs and diseases

Human anatomy and body mechanics

Exercises and overall fitness

Food for health, supplements, herbs

Relaxation, breathing, mindfulness

Emotional and energetic healing

The relationship between mind and body

Our life curriculum goes on to include goals in other areas, too, for instance raising animals as pets; helping and caring for their parents and elderly; understanding the judicial system, voter registration, and familiarity with common legal situations; personal safety and avoiding dangerous behaviors; taking care of the planet; charity and community service; and more.

In a large family (or any family), particularly when we all spend so much time together, it can be easy to teach these skills by example, without really even trying. On the other hand, it is also easy to forget whether or not a particular child was exposed to something, or if I need to make sure to include it within the next set of lessons, chores, or time with that child. Having these written down helps me identify what I may have missed, and also check off what I feel has been covered to my satisfaction.

Of course, the proof of success in these areas is always going to be observing my children in life and seeing if I have prepared them well enough in the areas they need. It is my hope that by sharing my goals with you, this may also help those of you preparing children to leave home, too. If you need help, just shoot me an email.

To your success,

Dr. Marie-Claire Moreau is a college professor who traded in her tenure to become a homeschool mom 20+ years ago. A homeschooling pioneer and the founder of many groups and organizations, she works to advance home education, and is an outspoken supporter of education reform coast to coast. Her book, Suddenly Homeschooling: A Quick Start Guide to Legally Homeschool in Two Weeks, is industry-acclaimed as it illustrates how homeschooling can rescue children and families from the public school system, and how anyone can begin homeschooling within a limited time-frame, with no teaching background whatsoever. A writer, a homeschool leader, and a women’s life coach, Marie-Claire mentors in a variety of areas that impact health, education and lifestyle. A conference speaker, she has appeared at FPEA, H.E.R.I., Home Education Council of America, The Luminous Mind, Vintage Homeschool Moms, iHomeschool Network, and many other events. Her articles have appeared in and on Holistic Parenting, CONNECT,Homefires, Homemaking Cottage, Kiwi, Circle of Moms, and hundreds of sites and blogs nationwide. Marie-Claire can be reached at contactmarieclaire@gmail.com.

I’ve been meaning to write this post this for years. I just never could.Part of the reason was because I never knew the right time to publish it. But the other part of it was because, no matter how many times I mulled it over in my head, I could never find the right words.

But, as I sat at my desk the other day, thinking about all that was involved in renewing my teaching license again, it finally hit me. The right time to write it was now.

Doh.

I realized neither the timing nor the words mattered much. I could just write what had been weighing on my heart for the last several years. Truth is always better than anything I fabricate on my own anyway.

You see, I had already crumpled up my renewal application. I had long since deleted the emails I was saving in reference to it, too. The frame holding my teaching certificate was already face-down on top of the book case. And I had stopped accumulating professional credits to apply toward my renewal a couple of years ago.

Though I had not set foot in a classroom for years, I guess I had been too scared to close that door. Well, that, plus I was still earning (a little) and receiving occasional offers based on that particular “credential”.

I guess I thought it would be stupid to just let it go. Covering myself. The economy. Just in case. All that.

But I wasn’t living my truth.

Until today.

So, I have decided to quit.

Officially, as of now, I am letting my teacher certification expire.

What that means is, within a few months, I will no longer be able to teach in my state’s classrooms.

Honestly, it sounds so ridiculous now that I’m writing it down. I mean, I don’t want to teach in my state’s classrooms! It’s actually the opposite. I never, ever want to teach in my state’s classrooms. Ever again.

Nevertheless, that option will no longer be open to me. So in effect, I’m closing the door on the past, and on any future assignments and earnings I might have been offered in K-12, too.

And there’s more to this announcement, too. I don’t care. In fact, I’m really happy about it. I don’t know why I waited this long. Cause I could have been happier a lot sooner.

See, the truth is, I’m not going to miss being certified one bit. Yea, there are some perks I’ll miss. School teacher discounts for one thing, including those oh-so-fun Disney days and the free museum passes. Free software, lesson plans, DVDs and posters, too. And a certain aspect of helping homeschoolers in my state will no longer be possible, since one way I support families requires a “teacher signature” — and I’m a little bummed about that.

But, aside from that, I really don’t care. Because now I’m free. Free of the label. Free of the pressure. Free from appearing as though I care. Free from being associated with a system I haven’t believed in since I was in school — so very long, long, long ago.

What a relief.

I feel like I just got off a carousel that I couldn’t wait to get off.

Here’s my thinking. I’m am a teacher, and I have been one my whole life. I have the degrees, and I have taught at the schools, the business centers, the colleges, the universities. I taught the staff, the students, the student teachers, the parents and the community groups. I basically started playing school as a child, and I guess I just continued playing school my whole life.

I teach my kids at home, too.

It’s what I love to do.

I don’t need a certificate to know I’m a teacher. I don’t need a certificate to tell me I do it well. And I don’t need a certificate to help me do it any better in the future, either. Geez, I’m not 29 any more. If I don’t know it by now, I’m pretty sure I’m not going to learn it in a classroom full of co-eds. At this stage of my game, I can learn anything I need to know, on my own, if I need it, when I need it.

I’m fine, thank you.

You see that photo ^^^ up there? That was one of the last teacher pictures ever taken of me. That photo actually represents one of most frustrating and upsetting periods of my life. I’m reprinting it here to remember. One last time. Then, I’ll probably never look at it again.

The woman in that photo had already had it. As in, up to here (hand held high). She spent quite a few years dabbling in the system, studying the system, working to help the system, trying to change the system, wanting to help the kids in the system, and dying to rescue families out of the system.

But nothing ever stuck. I mean, she made a little impact. Some successes. Probably even quite a few. Here and there. For sure. But, overall, the woman in that photo was helpless. There was literally nothing she could do that would amount to a hill of beans. She was essentially helpless in a system that was slowly imploding, one day, one test, and one student at a time.

That teacher was helpless when it came to curriculum. It was already set in stone, with no room for movement, curiosity, creativity or personality. Whereas at home with her children and the other kids who would join them, their classes were wildly creative and fun, and children learned in leaps and bounds; in the public classroom, lessons were taught from a page. Whereas her homeschool curriculum took many twists and turns along a general path; in the public classroom, curriculum was neatly numbered, bulleted, highlighted and displayed at the front of the room each day. And whereas her homeschool lessons could branch off and come back again (or not) any time she and her students wanted them to; in the public school classroom, she would be criticized if not all of the bullets (or when different bullets) were checked off by the end of the day.

That teacher was helpless when it came to fostering real relationships with her students. Despite what the families thought was going on, that stuff wasn’t really allowed. Though she tried to slip in quick conversations with students, an encouraging note, a kind word, and even an occasional hug or pat on the back, those things were entirely against the rules. Unsupervised conversations with parents weren’t allowed either, and she broke all rules when chatting with information-starved parents without witnesses or chaperones, and when she did so in hallways, car rider lines and on the phone over the weekends — instead of in “the office”.

That teacher was helpless when it came to discipline, a word she hated, but was forced to adopt. Though she had high standards and tried to teach elements of character, etiquette and appropriate behavior, she made room for individual differences, learning styles and personality types. Yet, if she really needed support with “traditional” classroom discipline, schools were often unable or unwilling to provide it, making learning tougher on the other students. Instead, classroom experiences were diluted by students who should not have been there in the first place. Students who had been expelled from other schools or were kicked out of other classrooms. Students she loved dearly, but had problems so severe, they belonged somewhere else. Students so needy, they consumed more time than any one teacher could ever provide, even on her best day. Sometimes, classes would be stacked with these students while the others suffered. She watched young women verbally tear each other apart. She watched young men physically tear each other apart. Same thing, assignment after more difficult and depressing assignment.

That teacher was helpless when it came to innovation, as her ideas seemed to rock the status quo. And though she might initially be met with enthusiasm for bringing unique skills and ideas into the classroom, this would be quickly squelched when people began to take notice. Her efforts would be thwarted, until she eventually learned that teachers who dared think for themselves were a thing of the past.

Her resemblance to old-fashioned teachers, and everyone’s beloved teacher from the past, would threaten the pat model that was already established.

Dare to ask questions, and it becomes a classic ‘take it or leave it’ situation.

She became disillusioned after her final assignment — one aimed at helping classroom students plus area homeschoolers at the same time. Because, despite her efforts, hard work and good faith, she finally saw through the facade, realizing that program would never really get off the ground, no matter how much she wanted it to.

Her classroom was “too noisy” anyway (students were frequently heard singing, competing, shouting and having fun).

Classroom observations (i.e., evaluations performed by unskilled office staff) suggested she pay greater attention to the many nuances and details of being an effective teacher anyway. You know — proper poster placement, changeable bulletin boards, snazzier (less comfortable) footwear, a well-stocked first aid kit, plus plenty of bug sprays and chemical disinfectants. Praises had nothing to do with actually doing her job…you know…teaching.

She was forced to attend meeting after meeting. Attend training upon training. And complete form after mind-numbing form. Those weren’t productive anyway.

She didn’t play the game right.

So, she gave up, because she became helpless. Beyond exhausted. Had sacrificed an irreplaceable part of her life. Her family’s time. Her wallet. Her health. She was ready to give up. And so, she did.

Funny thing is, after the initial uproar, after the phone calls and letters from grateful families, and the groups of families who sought her out for private assistance, she was quickly replaced. Which was sad, really. Not the replacing part so much as the thought that there are thousands and thousands of new recruits to choose from on any given day. New teachers ready to take a stab at what she and others like her had started. Some eager to follow the rules, and retire as teachers some day. And some eager to take a stand, make a change, try something new, and who would eventually quit. Like she just did.

Know that, despite this particular decision, I’m still a teacher. This all doesn’t really matter. Because, I’m still here. Actually, I’m helping the same kids who are still in those classrooms, only from the outside (because most of them don’t get what they need on the inside). I’m also helping the millions of families who have grown tired of that system and decided to take education into their own hands, too.

Cause that’s really where my heart lives anyway.

I’m still a teacher, because I am homeschooling my own kids, who understand that system all too well due to their involvement with me. And by living in a world full of people who go there. And by accompanying me on various jobs over the last 20 years or so. And by overhearing my conversations with the refugees of that system for so long.

I’m still a teacher, and will always be. I’m just not doing it with my state’s permission any more. I’m teaching from my heart, from my experience, and from the trust I am grateful to have earned from those who I have worked with before.

I’m still a teacher. In a way, I’m a better teacher even. Truer. More sincere. Authentic. Because now I am powerless to judge. I can no longer assess, grade, promote or dismiss any other kids but my own. I was always uncomfortable wielding that sword of power anyway. (I never felt anyone should have that kind of authority over the learning of another, least of all young developing minds.) By removing that power, I am now free to work alongside students and their families, offering only what comes directly from my experience and from my heart — not what I might be forced to write in a grade book.

I’m still a teacher. A damned good one. And though I probably still don’t know all of the things that do work, at least now I can tell you what doesn’t:

That.

To those with whom I have worked, I hope you understand. And I do apologize if this may offend or unpleasantly impact any one in any way. But, friends, that system is officially broken, and it’s time you knew. I just don’t want to be connected to it any more. And I certainly don’t want to waste another minute of my time contributing to it, perpetuating it, or in any way funding it by taking courses, submitting applications, or even by asking one more person to add my name to a database, a class roster or an I.D. card.

But if you’re looking for someone to cover Friday’s class, fill in on so-and-so’s maternity leave, sit with your kids during assembly, or cover after-school activities in somebody else’s absence, I’m no longer available.

Thanks for the memories.

{Added: This post has received thousands of views and shares over the years and I continue to get emails from teachers who are struggling similarly, searching for answers, and/or ready to quit. I wrote a follow-up to this article in 2017, sharing some of their stories, hoping to help others realize they aren’t alone. If you’d like to read the follow-up article, you’ll find it HERE.}

Dr. Marie-Claire Moreau is a college professor who traded in her tenure to become a homeschool mom 20+ years ago. The founder of homeschool groups and organizations, she works to advance home education, and is an outspoken supporter of education reform coast to coast. Her book, Suddenly Homeschooling: A Quick Start Guide to Legally Homeschool in Two Weeks, is industry-acclaimed as it illustrates how homeschooling can rescue children and families from the system, and how anyone can begin homeschooling within a limited time-frame and with no teaching background whatsoever. A liaison for regional school-to-home organizations and a homeschool leader in Florida, Marie-Claire also mentors homeschool families nationwide. A conference speaker, she has appeared at FPEA, H.E.R.I., Home Education Council of America, Luminous Mind, Vintage Homeschool Moms, iHomeschool, and many other events. Her articles have appeared in and on CONNECT, Homefires, Molly Green, Holistic Parenting, Homemaking Cottage, Kiwi, Circle of Moms, and hundreds of other blogs nationwide. Marie-Claire can be reached at contactmarieclaire@gmail.com.

This isn’t the kind of thing I usually write about. If you’ve been here very long, you know my posts are usually informational. I try to be encouraging. And, generally, try not to bring anybody down.

However, something is troubling me today, and I wanted you to know.

It’s time to start a conversation. Because things just aren’t right.

Get ready for a longer post than usual. And thanks for reading all the way to the end.

In the last few years, I’ve noticed something. Or maybe I’m just now paying attention.

More and more rude status updates on social media. More and more mean things written as comments, too.

Have you?

You know what I’m talking about.

Snappy criticisms. Snarky comments. Nasty references to other people.

Sure, sure. They’re JK. Or end with a smiley. But, sincere? I think not.

With the homeschool year just beginning for so many, I’ve begun hearing folks talking about things that went down last year, too. And I have to tell you, I don’t like it. A woman I hardly knew approached me at Target the other day, apologizing for something I wasn’t even aware of. Um, thank you, lady. But, wait…what?

So, I’m a realist. I know this happens. And I know it isn’t limited to homeschool circles, either.

And in case you find me judgmental, let me stop you right now. That’s not what this is about.

But I care. And, the honest truth is, I guess I’m a little over-protective, too.

You see, this is my space. My community. My people. It’s about tradition, too. And it’s undermining a pattern of community and sharing that has been the trademark of homeschooling for so long.

When I began homeschooling, a small group of moms gathered at a nearby park once a month for conversation. Everyone was invited.

There was a sign-up sheet for field trips. No pressure, but everyone was invited.

And, occasionally for a party or two. No pressure, but everyone was invited.

You had a question, it was answered. By another mom who cared. By someone who remembered where you sat, and wanted to make your seat a little bit more comfortable since she’d been in that same seat before.

You had a baby, you got a gift basket. You were sick, you got a meal. You had a question, they gathered ’round to help.

Everyone was invited to everything. And everybody came.

You were supported, you were loved. Everybody cheered. Yea, that’s right — everybody.

Today, the growth of homeschooling equals more people, more groups, more discoveries, more opinions. That’s okay. It’s all good.

But, in another way, it’s also not okay.

It’s not okay for us to compete so much. To clash so publicly. To judge so much.

Actually, it’s not okay at all.

If we have learned anything along the way, ladies, it’s that homeschooling is different for everyone. Surely, we all realize there is no right way, and certainly no wrong way. We know this, right?

If we remember anything, it’s that homeschooling is still good, no matter how it is done, and by whom. We know this, right?

If we do anything right, it is by recognizing that all children deserve the chance to belong, to be included, to be successful, to join in, and that the mistakes of us moms must never impact our kids. We know this, too.

So, I’m thinking some of us have forgotten.

Or we’d never be acting this way.

So, let’s turn this around. I’m happy to shine the light on this problem if it may be of help to others.

I’ve been poking around some, and I don’t find that much has been written about this crisis. I see that Upside Down Homeschoolingwrote about it once. And Busy Momalluded to it, too.

So, I’m writing about it today. And I’m asking you:

If you have an opinion (a helpful, thoughtful, honest one), post a COMMENT.

If you know a solution (a real one, not a cheeky one), post a COMMENT.

If you have a reference to an article, link or blog (one that helps, not for self-promotion), post a COMMENT.

Or, if you just plain old have something to add to this conversation (without bashing), post a COMMENT.

I’ve started it. Now, let’s finish this together.

And if you feel led to share this post with others, do it now. A conversation is only that when we start talking to one another.

Love,

Dr. Marie-Claire Moreau is a college professor who traded in her tenure to become a homeschool mom 20+ years ago. The founder of homeschool groups and organizations, she works to advance home education, and is an outspoken supporter of education reform coast to coast. Her book, Suddenly Homeschooling: A Quick Start Guide to Legally Homeschool in Two Weeks, is industry-acclaimed as it illustrates how homeschooling can rescue children and families from the system, and how anyone can begin homeschooling within a limited time-frame and with no teaching background whatsoever. A liaison for regional school-to-home organizations and a homeschool leader in Florida, Marie-Claire also mentors homeschool families nationwide. A conference speaker, she has appeared at FPEA, H.E.R.I., Home Education Council of America, Luminous Mind, Vintage Homeschool Moms, iHomeschool, and many other events. Her articles have appeared in and on CONNECT, Homefires, Homemaking Cottage, Kiwi, Circle of Moms, and hundreds of other blogs nationwide. Marie-Claire can be reached at contactmarieclaire@gmail.com.

So, you’re homeschooling now. And you’ve been racking your brains wondering what all the fuss was about. It doesn’t seem nearly as hard as you thought it would be. Plus, nobody really knows exactly what you’re up to anyway; so, anything you screw up today can always be fixed tomorrow.

But, once in a while — every so often – it grabs you. The fear. The self-doubt. The selective memory.

Let me remind you the reasons you chose homeschooling, if I may. In case you forgot all the reasons you thought homeschooling might be a good idea. The stuff you hated about school mornings before. And the things you worried your kids might miss if you pulled them away from that place to begin with.

Friends & Social Interaction

This is one of the most common, so it makes sense to start right here. So, before you started homeschooling, you worried your kids might have no friends, or not be properly socialized. How is that going for you? Are there really no other people where you live?

Just remember, the people your children hang out with now are pretty much within your control. You participate in whatever you like. Or not. Your choice. And you get to talk about their relationships afterwards.

Let’s face it, school “friends” are over-rated anyhow. There’s actually no time to socialize in school, unless you count standing in line for the bathroom and the couple of times the teacher forgets to silence the kids during lunch.

Just a reminder, real life isn’t about being stuck in a room with a bunch of same-age kids anyway.

Besides, if you really want your kid to keep in touch with the class cut-up, the mean girl, the bully, the parking lot smoker, the mouthy delinquent, or any of the members of the promiscuity club, you can always arrange a weekend play date. Your house, of course.

Events, especially in high school

Who said homeschooling was just about staying home? It certainly wasn’t any homeschooler I’ve ever met. Between baseball and chess club, archery and debate team, orchestra and karate lessons, there’s plenty of stuff to do, right? Don’t forget homeschool co-op, a full roster of amazing field trips, and park days every Friday, too.

Afraid they’ll miss Graduation and Senior Prom? Homeschool’s got you covered there, too. But, if you’re worried it won’t seem like the “real thing”, feel free to slit your daughter’s dress to the thigh and toss a couple of six-packs into the limo for the after-party.

Preparation for Life (a/k/a All That Learning)

So, you’re worried that homeschooling cannot possibly prepare children for real life; stuff like being productive people, good citizens, holding jobs and earning a living. That homeschooling could not possibly match the quantity of learning that occurs in classrooms. That homeschooling could not possibly result in educated people. Basically, that your kids could not possibly be prepared for real life.

And yet, when you boil it down, there is very little time actually spent learning in American classrooms. Between listening to announcements, shuffling off to 3rd Period, handing out papers, sitting through silent lunch, and waiting for little Jimmy to think of the answer to yesterday’s math problem, there just isn’t a lot of quality time left in the day. Sure, once the books have been distributed and the class finally settles down, teachers can probably squeeze in a good 10 or 15 minutes here and there. But overall, being in school doesn’t equate to much actual learning. And despite what you’ve read about using that time “wisely”, the fact is, we’re talking about real people, not wizardry. Time is time. It’s either spent learning something new, or it’s not.

On the other hand, observing mom and dad, living in an academically rich environment, and being mentored by older brother and sis are lessons in themselves. So is learning throughout the day, instead of when the clock says it’s time to start and stop. Home education is a 24/7 kind of thing.

Still feeling you’re “missing out”? You’re more than welcome to ring a bell throughout the day, lock your kids in a room for 55 minute blocks, and restrict drinking water and restroom use except in absolute emergencies. Further simulations could include learning to read using scribbles on bathroom walls, grabbing a neighborhood kid to teach sex education, and hearing new vocabulary by hanging out at the mall post-3:00pm.

Opportunities

Parents sometimes lament not having access to the same activities as school children receive. However, many parents do not realize that homeschoolers are invited to participate in many of the same local activities as children in the public school systems. And in districts where homeschoolers are not allowed to participate, homeschoolers host these programs themselves — often out-numbering the programs offered in budget-crunched schools.

Whose idea is it to make female adolescents stand on street corners in bikinis and cutoffs, waving “Honk if you’re dirty!” signs anyway? Why must young men be forced to stand sun-burned and bare-chested in sizzling parking lots to draw attention to trivial causes, or to raise monies to help schools accomplish their basic missions?

Homeschoolers have a world of opportunity beneath their feet every day of the week. Bees, contests, team competitions, fairs and more are accessible for homeschoolers coast to coast. Participation in these activities usually doesn’t require jiggling an empty donation jar or standing outside Walmart on the weekends, either. Unless you want to (may I recommend a lemonade stand?).

A College Education

Finally, the pudding. As in, ‘The proof is in the’.

Those afraid their homeschoolers may never get into college may officially sleep easy. ‘Cause homeschoolers not only get in to colleges and universities, they get in at soaring rates, score better, last longer, enter with more credits, and finance it with more aid, too.

Still skeptical? Ask a college admissions officer who stands out more. Is it the student with the 4 English and 4 math credits? Or the student who has written a novel, started a business, produced a play, designed a web site or given a keynote address?

So, what’s really missing?

The ability to bend, swerve, and dodge a spit ball? The reflexes needed to duck a punch? The training needed to stay alive during lock-down, or better yet – a real emergency?

Or maybe it’s the strength of will to ignore the constant chatter, the invalidating criticism, or stop focusing on the number of times a classmate uses the word ‘like’ in a sentence?

Maybe it’s the joy of waking a young child (or, worse, a teenager) at 5:00 a.m. just to make the bus at 6:00? Or was it the fun of eating dry Cheerios in the car on the way to the bus stop?

Whatever you’re missing, leave it as a COMMENT.

Or if not, go off and have an extraordinary homeschooling day.

Dr. Marie-Claire Moreau is a college professor who traded in her tenure to become a homeschool mom 20+ years ago. A homeschooling pioneer and the founder of many groups and organizations, she works to advance home education, and is an outspoken supporter of education reform coast to coast. Her book, Suddenly Homeschooling: A Quick Start Guide to Legally Homeschool in Two Weeks, is industry-acclaimed as it illustrates how homeschooling can rescue children and families from the public school system, and how anyone can begin homeschooling within a limited time-frame, with no teaching background whatsoever. A liaison for regional school-to-home organizations, a homeschool leader, and a women’s life coach and trainer, Marie-Claire mentors in a variety of areas that impact health, education and lifestyle. A conference speaker, she has appeared at FPEA, H.E.R.I., Home Education Council of America, Luminous Mind, Vintage Homeschool Moms, iHomeschool, and many other events. Her articles have appeared in and on Holistic Parenting, CONNECT, Homefires,Homemaking Cottage, Kiwi, Circle of Moms, and hundreds of sites and blogs nationwide. Marie-Claire can be reached at contactmarieclaire@gmail.com.

I think every mom struggles with overload. {Isn’t it in the job description?}

Though block scheduling works well in our home, I am constantly assessing to make sure all systems are running as smoothly as they possibly can.

Because time is such a commodity here, I find that recovering even a few minutes can make a big difference in our productivity and my sanity. Procrastination is not an option here — the longer I allow situations to continue, the more frustrated I (therefore, we) become.

I try to identify road-blocks and time suckers early, so I can put my family back on the right path before things get any worse.

Everyone is different, but that’s what works for me.

As I walk around my home, I try to notice areas that need attention. If there is anything I can do to straighten up a problem area, equip a person, or fine-tune a set of instructions, I try to drop everything and get to it.

Last week, I managed to handle a couple of areas that were causing a problem in our home. I’ll show you the quick fixes I came up with for the time being, knowing I will eventually have to handle these items on a larger scale next time I update our chore charts and homeschool schedules.

I created a quick set of morning chores for some of the kids, since we just weren’t getting enough done around the house in the afternoons and evenings:

I hung a corkboard exactly where we needed one {and had some fun making push-pins using some of the old charms and buttons found in my grandmother’s sewing machine}:

And, I created baskets for all of the random school-related discs and DVDs that apparently had no other home:

These little fixes have made such a big impact over the last few days. I am feeling much more peaceful about these areas and we have all stopped wasting time trying to make sense of these areas of chaos.

Are there areas in your home that need attention?

Is today the day you’ll tackle them?

Let my readers know how you maintain order and sanity! Please — leave a COMMENT.

SHARING options:

Homeschool parents wear many hats over the course of 12-15 years. Taking on the roles of Principal, Guidance Counselor, Head Teacher, Book Keeper, Chauffeur, Psychologist and Social Director (all at the same time), the responsibility is enormous.

With responsibility comes accountability. And though some states don’t require formal schooling or detailed records, homeschool parents still always have many things to track and do.

That’s where Teacher Planning Days come in…

In school settings, classroom teachers use planning days to fill-in progress reports, inventory classroom materials, reach out to parents and catch up on other activities that are impossible to complete during the school day.

Homeschoolers can use the same strategy for catching up.

Homeschool parents need planning days, too!

In our home, my planning occurs throughout the year as needed, but the most intense planning happens in July.

During the year, my planning days consist of things I can do in a day. This includes grading papers, printing lessons, updating transcripts, replenishing supplies and other smaller things I knock out quickly.

But in July, I perform all of the larger tasks that need doing — the stuff that takes longer than a day. That includes creating student portfolios, boxing up work from the year, selecting curriculum for a new year, revising school schedules and household charts, organizing shelves, reorganizing furniture, and other jobs that take a lot longer.

For a couple weeks every July, my kids get a vacation. They rest, catch up on interests and hobbies and basically do whatever they want. During that time, I consult with them about making choices, choosing classes, resources they like best, what they were able to complete in certain courses, and what else they’d like to study next year.

I devote that time every year to our family and our homeschool efforts. It’s perhaps my busiest time of the year. Don’t worry — I take personal days off whenever I need them throughout the year. But in the month of July, I work really hard.

As I write this, I am in the midst of planning for our upcoming school “year”. My desk is littered with scribbled notes and incomplete projects, my computer screen has a full width of tabs open, and the floor around me looks as though I haven’t filed a sheet of paper in ten years.

But, within a week or so, I’ll be finished with all of the “big stuff” and ready for another great year. All curriculum will be ordered, shelves cleaned, used books listed for sale, new schedules typed up, and the list goes on and on.

A lot of work? For me, yes.

But, the payoff equals peace of mind, organized days, and well-equipped spaces for everyone to live and work during the year.

Remember:

Planning days are about re-grouping and re-organizing for the coming days and weeks. That means, they can be used for anything you need to keep going strong. If cleaning off a kitchen counter is what your kids need to make progress, use a planning day to do just that. If going to a warehouse store to stock up on toilet paper is what your home needs right now, you can do that too. Whatever it takes.

Planning weeks(or longer) are about getting ready for the next phase, the next season or the next full year. Do whatever it takes to prepare for those, too.

And, finally…

Never feel guilty about taking a day “off” for planning. Think of these days as insurance for a better homeschool year. Some parents call these days “Professional Development” days. (I love that!)

Planning days can be sprinkled throughout the school year randomly, or inserted into a schedule on a regular basis (e.g., the first Tuesday of every month). Another way (a strategy I use in our home) is to drop everything and declare a planning day any day one is needed.