Shortly after its release in 1962, "He Hit Me
(And it Felt Like a Kiss)," a Carole King - Gerry Goffin
song recorded by Phil Spector's girl group, the Crystals,
drew protests on the grounds that it promoted domestic
violence against women. The record was quickly
banned by radio stations and failed to chart.

"He Hit Me (And It Felt Like a Kiss)"

The Crystals (July 1962, uncharted)

I suppose it seemed like a good idea at the time, but we've come a long way, baby, since the days when songs for teenagers that were essentially tutorials on the acceptable rules of dating, gave
a free pass to bad boys (aka "rebels")
to smack their girlfriends around, osten-
sibly as a way of proving their true love.

HEY, LEADER OF THE PACK...GET A CLUE!

Seems to me that "He Hit Me" leaves little room
for debate. The record was rejected by the public
in 1962. It was wrong then and it's wrong today.

"BORN A WOMAN"

A woman's place in this old world

Is under some man's thumb

Feminists in particular might have a hard time

believing that a song based on that Stone Age

notion earned country pop singer Sandy Posey

two Grammy nominations. Sandy's 1966 single,

"Born a Woman," sold over a million copies.

"Born a Woman" - Sandy Posey

(Sept. 1966, highest chart pos. #12)

I wonder how many women of all ages embraced their low self esteem as normal after listening to Sandy's message. How many others were outraged by it, spurred into action and reinvented themselves as strong, independent women?
(Think Janie Junebug.)

Now that you have listened to both songs,
pick the answer below that most closely
matches your opinion, or tell me in your
own words how you feel about what
you heard. Which song do you find
more offensive? Or don't you think
either one is offensive?

YOU BE THE JUDGE, CITIZEN!

YOU MAKE THE CALL!

* Shady, I agree with you. These two songs

are just plain wrong. They send the wrong message to boys, girls, men and women that controlling, dominating and hitting are normal and acceptable in a relationship.

* Shady, get real, dude! A little misogyny is good for business and sells records. For decades, popular songs have endorsed the idea that women are male possessions and should be treated accordingly. By today's standards, these songs are not only tame...they'relame!

46 comments:

Hi, Susie! Thanks for coming over, dear friend. So that's one vote for the green words of Shady wisdom. Thank you for making your vote count. I will announce the winner (green wisdom words or red wisdom words) on the last day of this post's run. It won't be a slam dunk, because we still haven't heard from Andrew Dice Clay!

The song "Born a Woman" laments yet accepts the fact that a woman's place, in 1966 America, was under a man's thumb. I can't help believing that the record produced an unexpected result. I think many women were outraged by its message and spurred out of their complacency. They became empowered and realized that they didn't have to accept a subservient role in a relationship with a man. Regardless of the song's original meaning, intention and target audience, I believe it acted as a catalyst for change and helped to fuel the Women's Liberation Movement which was beginning to take shape around that time.

Thank you very much for your visit and comment, dear Kathryn, and please come back again soon!

I detest the term "feminazi." I consider myself a feminist. Women shouldn't earn 77 cents for every dollar a man earns. Women shouldn't be punished in their careers because they have children. Women shouldn't be punished for being women.

Kathryn echoed my comment exactly. I just read your response and thanks for that. As far as the Women's Liberation Movement goes, some of the things are positive but some...it makes me wonder if some of that group are even happy or proud to be women, and it makes me sad. I believe in equal pay for both men and women for the same job, but when a gentleman holds a door for a lady, why not appreciate the kindness and graciously say, "Thank you" instead of, "I can do it myself".? :)

Hi, Linda! Thank you very much for coming down to visit as I begin this new series designed to instigate discussion about controversial topics.

Throughout history every movement that seeks to bring about change has had its share of hardcore extremists. "Man hating" is counterproductive to the women's rights movement and I think today's feminist leaders would be the first to agree that hate has no place in civilized society. A woman can join the fight for equal rights, equal pay and equal opportunity for advancement while embracing the difference between the sexes and behaving in a ladylike fashion. That is my belief and apparently yours as well.

I found it interesting reading about "Born a Woman", how it was critically acclaimed and had mixed reactions among women of the time. It reminds me of the recent song "Blurred Lines" - an abhorrent record promoting rape that both sold by the millions and outraged just as many! Which perhaps shows that things haven't changed as much during all of this time as we'd like to think.

I like this new series a lot, there's nothing wrong with a bit of controversy and I like being given something to think about!

Hi, dear Faye! Thank you for checking out this week's post and weighing in on this topic. I think you're right. Whether it's race relations we're talking about or the gender gap, not enough has changed in the last 50 years.

Here in the comments section I will be making reference to more songs with misogynistic lyrics. Another example I found is "Pistol Whipped," a track on the 2012 Marilyn Manson album Born Villain:

Hi and good Thursday morning to you, dear Robyn! Thank you very much for coming.

As we grow older we tend to view the past through rose colored glasses. If we took time to read the song lyrics of hit records that formed the soundtrack of our youth, we would no doubt be shocked by how many of them perpetuated the notion that women are male possessions and that, when a girl says "no" she actually means "yes."

Even the much loved hit by Sting, "Every Breath You Take," can be interpreted as an endorsement of stalking behavior, obsessing over someone, spying on an ex, refusing to take no for answer and refusing to let her move on with her life.

<< Every breath you takeAnd every move you makeEvery bond you break, every step you takeI'll be watching you

Every single dayAnd every word you sayEvery game you play, every night you stayI'll be watching you

Oh, can't you seeYou belong to me? >>

Thank you again, dear friend Robyn, for making time to visit and for posting this excellent comment. SDMM is, for all intents and purposes, my "book," a diary of my years at the Shady Dell and the years since, and I hope to keep it going the rest of my life.

Some people use The Police's or Sting's (was he still with The Police?) Every Breath You Take as a wedding song. They're quite confused, kind of like Ronald Reagan's camp selecting Born In The U.S.A. as a song to represent him. I think Bruce Springsteen put the kibosh on that pretty quickly.

The lyrics you quoted from Marilyn Manson are frightening, and, unfortunately, are not uncommon. I'm tired of women being called bitches and hos. What are men tired of being called by women?

It's sad that Carole King participated in writing He Hit Me. I wonder how she feels about it now. I'd never heard Born A Woman before. I suspect it was successful because so many women related to it. A lot of women still live under a man's thumb. I have a fear of angry men that will probably never go away. Even Willy Dunne Wooters can frighten me. He's shocked when I say that I'm afraid of him.

I had to ask my ex-husband a question by email recently--the first contact I've had with him in about a year. He responded by telling me I'm evil. I've had some terrible panic attacks since then. When I think of evil, I think of Nazis sending Jews off to concentration camps. I think of pogroms. I think of Saddam Hussein's son putting living people in a wood chipper. But to the man who was my husband for thirty years, the man with whom I had two children he decided he didn't want, I am evil and having that word applied to me makes me sick and terrifies me. Am I evil? Do I not see myself clearly? He will never stop. Never. I hope I never have the need to ask him another question, but sometimes things come up about taxes and finances. What am I to do? He hit me, and it did not feel like a kiss. It felt like being punched because that's what it was. I guess if I have a question in the future, I'll have to contact a lawyer to handle it, or write to the court.

I'm disturbed by the many articles I've read of late about the "rape culture" on college campuses. While the Rolling Stone story about UVA seems to have been misleading, the stories about some students at Yale and other universities chanting "No means yes, and yes means anal" disturbs me greatly.

When I visited The Hurricane and she took me to Berkeley, I was terrified by the area around the university. Homeless people who are mentally ill don't want to be homeless people who are mentally ill, but they are darn scary. The Hurricane said she put on her "game face" when she walked down the street. She warned me not to look anyone in the eyes, and not to say anything loudly enough that it could be overheard. During the Occupy movement, I was appalled to see all those police officers in riot gear attacking members of a non-violent protest. Where are all those officers every day and every night when the campus is dangerous, and not because of a protest, but just because it is? The Hurricane is careful to leave her office and arrive in her home before the sun sets.

Hello again, dear Janie. Thank you for touching on some of the related issues that go along with this discussion, including the verbal and physical abuse that is often inflicted by an ex-spouse or lover. I'm glad you could identify the hidden or even overt messages contained in the song lyric examples I posted in my other replies.

Here's another example just for you. There's a Kiss song that goes as follows:

<< Well I told you once, I told you twiceHey listen babe, there's trouble in paradiseWell I found a lipstick stain of your kissWell you can sink your teeth into this, bitch, soI'm gonna dance, dance all over your face >>

<< You played your hand, and now you lose,well listen bitch, I've got newsYes, I saw you with another manand you put me in disgrace, soI'm gonna dance, dance all over your face >>

It's true that the lyrics above were written to please a narrow audience, hard rock and heavy metal enthusiasts, mostly young men. Should we excuse it by saying "boys will be boys" and accept that angry, violent language like this appeals to young male record buyers and that it always has been and always will be a fundamental part of rock?

You are not evil, dear Janie. You have a big heart and infinite love for your children, for your dogs and for your friends. You care about the women's movement and other civil rights initiatives. You care about this country and where it's headed. You are principled and opinionated and never afraid to fight for what you believe is right. I admire and respect you, Janie Junebug. Thank you again for taking time to visit, read, listen and leave such thoughtful comments!

Wow, you have lit up blog world with this! I'm in the green big time with this topic...I work in health care and I see the faces and broken bones and other horrible things that happen with domestic violence. I can't stand to watch violence on TV or movies. The older I get the more I detest it. I remember the Born a Woman song...never liked it! I can see why the first song was pulled. I hope that if anyone is in a violent relationship that they find a way out. I grew up with 4 brothers who never treated my sister or myself or our Mom with anything but respect...the same with Dad...never even heard an argument...well, maybe a few disagreements! I know they treat their wives in the same manner. I'm grateful I had a good example of what to look for in a relationship and I'm glad my sons were taught the same.

Hi, dear YaYa! Thank you very much for joining the discussion this evening. I remember you recently posting the love letter your father wrote to your mother. It doesn't surprise me one bit that all the men in your family were raised properly and taught to treat women with kindness and respect. It seems too few families are teaching those principles. I don't envy you for having to witness and treat the devastating effects of abuse on women of all ages. It compounds the tragedy when women believe they have no other choice but to endure it. By remaining stuck in a volatile relationship they place themselves and their children at constant risk and it is only a matter of time before the situation goes from bad to worse. Let's hope reverse psychology kicked in when songs like "Born a Woman" were played on the radio and many women became motivated to free themselves from controlling men and domestic violence.

Thank you again for making time for me, dear friend YaYa. I hope your knees are coming along just fine and that you will enjoy the rest of your week and weekend. God bless!

A good discussion. I'm with the green party. 'He Hit Me' was a horrible record and 'Born a Woman' not much better.''In Canada, we just had a shocking incident in Dalhousie University where 12 male students were on Facebook saying how they would like to have "hate sex" (rape) with some of the girls there. It is a huge story here.

Women are getting madder and madder at men who look at women as things to use instead of people with feelings. Not only to use, but to hurt!

I don't know how you change that kind of thinking. Maybe it would be good if the public schools started teaching a class on respecting others and really drive it home. What with bullying too - something drastic needs to be done.

Good morning, dear Belle, and thank you very much for returning to participate in our discussion. I hadn't heard of that incident at the university in Canada. The concept of "sex as a weapon" seems to have taken on a new meaning in recent years. It is very disturbing. I wish we could figure out what's causing the rise in misogyny, bullying and hate crime and come up with solutions to prevent these things from happening. Popular songs typically reflect the prevailing attitudes of society so we can't lay the blame squarely on song lyrics for driving these phenomena.

Thank you again for taking time to add to the conversation, dear friend Belle. I hope you are having a great week and I wish you a safe and happy weekend! God bless!

I remember "Born A Woman" on the radio. Never heard "He Hit Me" but it would have fit right in with the mentality of the day. One of the first songs I remember on the radio was "It's My Party" which was followed up with "It's Judy's Turn To Cry". No one thought--who would want this cheating a$$hole? Because we grew up with all those songs like "Born A Woman".

I remember being taught in Home Ec class that if you liked a guy and you were lucky enough that he asked you out on a date that you should learn as much as you possibly could about his interests before the date so you could get him to talk and, heaven forbid, don't talk about yourself. Our teacher talked about how when you were married that you should take the time to fix yourself up before your husband came home--and clean up the house and the kids--and keep the kids occupied so they don't disturb him after his hard day. I am not kidding you! This is what we learned in Home Ec class!

I am so glad times have changed and men and women can be more equal. I tried to raise my son differently and am thrilled to see the wonderful relationship he has always had with his wife. And that he is a hands-on dad and shares with the child rearing, too. Can bring tears to my eyes when I think about it.

Just hearing these songs fills me with a deep sadness. And to know that it still goes on.

Up here recently in the news: "According to a study from the University of North Dakota, 31.7 percent of the men surveyed said they would force a woman to have sexual intercourse." But when they asked them if they would rape a woman then 13% said yes. Talk about a disconnect! And over 1 out of 10 of our young males admit they would rape??

That is awful beyond words.

Some things have changed and some haven't. But with all the constant violence on TV, in movies, and in lyrics...it should be no surprise, I guess.

Hi, dear Rita! I am thrilled by your visit and this marvelous series of comments from you. Thank you very much! I can't wait for Janie Junebug to see what you've written here.

I've got some song lyrics for you from a song recorded in the early 60s by Ginny Arnell in which she calls herself a "Dumb Head."

<< Well, gee, now I'm convincedThat I must be insaneOr else I was born withA peanut for a brain

Cause I'm a dumb head (dumb head)I'm a stupid little girlJust a dumb head (dumb head)Do do do do... >>

Not exactly empowering, is it? Seems like Ginny could be the poster girl for low self esteem.

I agree. Early and mid 20th century, Home Ec classes and training films portrayed the ideal woman as one who stays out of a man's way and keeps her mouth shut. Education of women was primarily geared toward keeping them in their rightful place, in the home, barefoot and pregnant, child rearing, baking cookies and serving her husband's every need. Women were supposed to be seen and not heard, to speak only when spoken to. The man was the decision maker and disciplinarian and that was that. Is it any wonder a song like "Born a Woman" seemed to make sense back then? Its lyrics include the following:

<< Because to be his womanNo price is too great to pay >>

Really? Seriously? I wonder if Janie Junebug would agree to that philosophy.

Back in the day it was considered a shame and a disgrace if a girl couldn't "land" a husband and needed to remain an "old maid." Fortunately that thinking has changed.

This trend you and others have mentioned, this mentality among many of today's boys and men that women are not human beings but objects and that men are entitled to "use them and lose them," is very disturbing. I agree that the mass media bombards young people with destructive messages and too many of them aren't getting the kind of nurturing and training at home from their parents to offset those harmful messages.

Thank you again, dear Rita, for contributing so much to the discussion here today. I deeply appreciate it. Please hug Karma for me and enjoy the rest of your day in Fargo!

Hi Shady, To your surprise , I'm kinda in the middle of both options. Yes , it's wrong for famous song singers/writers that listeners idolize to write these disturbing songs. True, they sell records. Also true, t'was the time in the 60's when woman were stereotyped as "the little woman/ housewives/ mothers" (before the feminist movement, the burning the bra/ equal rights days!)Unfortunately, it is STILL going on today and sending the wrong messages. One of last yrs. biggest hits by Beyoncé and husband Jay-Z , "Drunk in Love" lyrics , "Now eat the cake Anne Mae" stirred up big controversy. It was in reference to Tina Turner before she became famous, her name was Anna Mae. When she was in a diner, after she released her first single, Ike ordered a cake to celebrate. Two kids came up to her and asked for her autograph, not her husband's, Ike. He got jealous. but when Anna Mae didn't want to eat it, he said, "Eat the cake, Anna Mae!" and forced the cake into her mouth and started attacking her. In Recent years women have retaliated with hits like, Independence Day , Martina McBride and Dixie Chicks, Good bye , Earl!It's all "freedom of speech/music" but for me I say. . .BRING BACK THE LOVE SONGS!!!! lol!

Hi, dear Toni! Thank you very much for being here today as we continue to discuss how women and girls were depicted in popular songs in the 50s and 60s and, in some cases, still are. You gave some excellent examples here. Most of us are familiar with Tina Turner's story and how for years she suffered beatings and verbal abuse from a husband who resented her for getting what he considered to be more than her fair share of the attention in their act.

I'm glad you could see it either way. A case could be made for the green answer or the red answer. After all, the record business is part of show business and the key word here is "business," the business of making money. Sex sells. Violence sells. Conflict sells. Controversy sells. Look how Tipper Gore's watchdog group, the PMRC, tried to clean up rock music by insisting that stickers be placed on record albums warning parents about explicit lyrics (many of them misogynistic). The plan backfired because young people flocked to the stores to buy the very records singled out as the worst offenders.

It's hard to know where freedom of speech should end and censorship should begin. All I know is that most people who are exposed to things like sexual images and graphic violence can process those stimuli responsibly and do not act out against society, but there is always a small percentage of people who are adversely affected and do act out.

Thank you again for taking time to add your two cents, dear friend Toni. I greatly appreciate it. Enjoy the rest of your day!

If we could make good melody with good lyrics, I don't think it will be a problem. So I don't know why good music is hard to come by. It's sad really because the young generation feed their minds with different kinds of music every day and we're not aware of the effect of music to them.

The message is so distorted sometimes that most people accept it as normal because we hear it all the time. We forget what good really is and when bad needs to stop.

Hi, dear SuperLux! Thank you very much for swinging over to comment on this topic relating to women.

How far from innocence we have strayed! What seems normal to today's young people would haved shocked the pants off of teenagers of the 60s. I remember many of the old school Dell rats complaining in 1966 and 1967 when hard, psychedelic rock began to take over the pop music scene and the Dell's jukebox, replacing traditional love songs. Even the heavy metal that was so popular in the 80s seems tame now compared with modern genres like metalcore, thrash, death metal and horror metal. I don't know what will become of a generation that is fed a steady diet of extreme music, graphic images on TV and movies, messages telling them it's okay to cheat to succeed and to use and hurt other people for sport or personal gain.

"Born a Woman" is actually a beautiful song and highly enjoyable if you merely tune out the words and don't think about them. For the countless women who actually do spend their lives under some man's thumb, that isn't easy.

Thank you again for your kind visit and comment, dear friend SuperLux!

interesting topic! i can sort of see the point of view that He Hit Me came from, but i don't think that makes it right. I totally understand that when someone you love does something you still love them anyway. i get it. but part of being a public figure, entertaining or selling something is being wise of your influence.Born a Woman could go either way, though, right? just like you said. it empowered some, but might have been bad for others. i'd like to think that this song is an empowering song. i hope it is. i like to hope it's biting back at some stereotypical views, making folks think. Like in the 50s when Hank Wilson sang: "I didn't know God made honky tonk angels, i might have known you'd never make a wife, you gave up the only one that ever loved you, and went back to the wild side of life." well, sure. nice song. nice sad country song.but Kitty Wells didn't think so. she, one of the few women country artists at the time, saw how so many songs were written by men, and the girl had done the wrong. so she wrote a song to the same tune, "It wasn't God who made honky tonk angels, as you wrote in the words of your song, too many times married men think they're still single, that has caused many a good girl to go wrong."BAM!so while it's maybe a little off topic, i do enjoy this discussion. well done!

Hi, dear Abigail! You never need to worry about being off topic here. SDMM is a very casual place and we're all friends. I always appreciate knowing what's on your mind.

I think your argument has merit. Helen Reddy spelled it out literally by proclaiming "I Am Woman (hear me roar)," but if the end result of "Born a Woman" was that it lit a fire under a large percentage of the female population and empowered them to become strong and independent, think for themselves and not have to become dependent on a man for support, then it was just as effective as Helen Reddy's hit. I have learned that there are always at least two ways of looking at everything, even that which at first glance seems obvious.

Now I want to share with you the lyrics of another song which has what I consider to be questionable lyrics. In fact. I cringe every time I listen to this record or watch the video. It's the 1986 R&B hit "The Rain" by Oran "Juice" Jones, a top 10 pop hit that reached #1 on the R&B singles chart and received two Grammy nominations. Here are excerpts from Oran's rap near the end of the song in which he kicks a cheating girlfriend to the curb:

<< You know my first impulse was to run up on you and do a Rambo. I was about to jam you and flat blast both of you, but I didn't wanna mess up this 37-hundred dollar lynx coatSo instead I chilled -- that's right chilled. >>

<< Silly rabbit, tricks are made for kids, don't you know that? You without me is like corn flakes without the milk! This is my world. You're just a squirrel trying to get a nut! Now get on outta here. Scat! >>

Pretty brutal stuff in my opinion, and a song that seemed to foretell the grisly murders that the other famous "Juice" was charged with eight years later. Yet nobody I know of objected to the tone or language used in this recording, certainly not the Grammy nominating committee.

Thanks a million for your excellent comments, dear friend Abigail. Take care of yourself and Daisy and have a great weekend!

Hi again, dear Robyn! Good morning to you and thank you for the return visit. I am very pleased to know that the words written in these comment boxes are not going to waste and that so many of my followers are reading them and continuing the threads. Ever since I started this blog I have believed that the comments section is just as important if not more important than the body of the post. This is where we can all join in, get down to the real nitty gritty, share opinions, identify trends, trace the root causes of problems and seek solutions.

I agree with you wholeheartedly that we all need to achieve balance in our lives, take time to meditate, give thanks, appreciate the natural and man made wonders that surround us, be kinder and gentler to our families, to our friends and especially to strangers.

I also agree that turning off the electronics and disconnecting from social media is essential to a balanced life. Younger generations have come to believe that they need to be in touch with 100 friends 24-7, tweeting about every little thing they are thinking, saying and doing all day long. It's all consuming. I urge them to break free of the devices and the need to stay in touch and experience the simple, low tech and no tech pleasures of life as did past generations.

Thank you again for coming back over, sweet friend Robyn. Enjoy your Friday and your Australian weekend!

Wear your hair just for him. Do the things he likes to do now. . . . You won't get him wishin' and hopin, thinkin' and prayin'. . . . Plannin' and dreamin' each night of his charms. That won't get you into his arms. So if you're thinkin' how great true love is, all you gotta do is turn yourself into a Barbie doll and you'll be his.

What is it with the rape culture these days? Was it always as bad, but people didn't talk about it as openly?

I remember the scene in the movie when Ike made Anna Mae eat the cake, and when he choked her while he raped her. The movie was based on her autobiography. I read that she said she never saw the movie because she had lived it.

I remember Helen Reddy accepting a Grammy award and thanking God because she made all things possible. It makes sense that the creator of the universe, the deity who gave birth to the world, is female.

Countless seemingly innocent songs like 'Wishin' and Hopin'" were produced during the 50s and 60s. They were not overtly sexist but they nevertheless reflected a long standing sexist mentality. They kept women in their place as male accessories, eye candy and trophy wives. Even the benign Neil Sedaka song "Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen" can be interpreted in this manner, It describes an ugly ducking girl next door who has finally become worthy of love now that she has blossomed into an angel faced teen goddess.

<< But since you've grown upYour future is sewn upFrom now on you're gonna be mine >>

The lesson in that song is that pretty girls get the man and live happily ever after. It also implies that the boy has the final word about their courtship and that the girl has nothing to say about it, even if she doesn't happen to be interested in him. Are we saying that when a boy sees a girl he wants he should club her over the head and drag her off to his cave like men did in olden days?

There's more evidence of that line of thinking in the Kiss song "Christine Sixteen":

<< I don't usually say thingslike this to girls your age(Christine sixteen)But when I saw you comingout of the school that dayThat day I knew, I knew, I've got to have you, I've got to have you >>

That Tina Turner movie was hard to watch. I'm know you agree with me when I remind everyone that abusive words hit just as hard and do as much damage as a fist and verbal abuse of women is widespread.

Thank you very much for coming back over to continue the threads, dear Janie!

I wonder why "being in love" or lust leads so many people to say that person "belongs" to me. Willy Dunne Wooters doesn't own me. He's my lover, but I don't own him. I suspect that one of X's great disappointments was that I started to look my age. I had always tended to look very young. He related to me with joy that people asked him all the time if I was his second wife because they thought I was so much younger than he was. I was his trophy wife, except I wasn't. He didn't want me after I went through menopause and gained some weight. Of course, there were lots of reasons he didn't want me. I don't like the concept of ownership in a relationship. It's not supposed to be slavery, but all too often it is.

Good point, Janie Junebug! I'm very happy to see you this evening and yet I can't help wondering why you and WDW and Franklin aren't curled up in front of the boob tube watching a movie on a Saturday night.

There's no getting around it. If you look at the lyrics to most love songs over the years they imply that "You Belong To Me," (the title of the doo-wop hit by the Duprees). Possessiveness, jealousy and even obsession and stalking behavior are framed as appropriate and romantic and the woman (or man) being relentlessly pursued finds it flattering. If a girl says no she is merely being coy and actually means yes. I suppose popular songs draw upon everybody's fear of winding up alone and unloved. They try to make us believe that our lives will have meaning and purpose only if we belong to someone. I have always believed that I am a free spirit and that I belong to everyone in the whole world and not to one single individual.

Thank you very much for making time for a visit, dear friend Janie. I hope you are having a peaceful and restful weekend, Bless you!

I came back to see your response and I can't even find my post - did I leave without hitting enter or something. Dang, I'm turning into my mother. Please find me a support group.

This is a brilliant idea and I love the theme.

"He Hit Me"Oh no he didn't! And trust me, baby, it won't feel like a kiss. That steady beat in the background just makes me think he is thumping on her more. And then the angelic background voices arrive - what?? Are angels helping her? They need to speed it up. She's not thinking right. It might be a concussion that feels like a kiss.

"Born a Woman"Bummer for you. 'Cause all the songs will tell you it's better to have been born a man. A song would NEVER lie (unless it was The Rolling Stones: Lies...or the Castaways: Liar, Liar...or the Eagles: Lying Eyes...or Queen, The Sex Pistols or Henry Rollins, who all chose the unique song name: Liar).

Okay, I must admit I may have been premature with that pronouncement.

Is there a third, maybe blue, choice? I'm not down with either one, but I think the more offensive one has to be He Hit Me...the implication is disturbing. That chick is rationalizing, ha ha.

Born A Woman...well, lamenting your lot. That's depression. I'd take to the street and burn my bra. Spoiler alert: there goes the whole neighborhood.

So, I'm BLUE. The blue vote says my modern woman brain rejects both, but I'm not so rigid that I don't see that this was music from a different time, heard with different ears.

Hello, dear Cherdo! I'm going to be late getting to you blog today because my policy is to always reply first to comments on my own blog. I am very sorry that you wrote a long comment here only to have it disappear. I promise you that I did not remove it. Perhaps Janie Junebug managed to hack her way in and do it! :)

Your blue answer is quite acceptable to me. I happen to like the color blue... especially during an election year.

(BA-DUM-BUMP)

You are absolutely right. We need to remember that these songs were written and sung 50 years ago. They were products of a different time and their messages fell on different ears. What we consider jarring and politically incorrect today seemed perfectly natural and normal back then.

It is hard for most of us, particularly Millennials and Generation Z kids, to realize how much has changed in our world since the 60s. I was shocked when I recently saw this 1994 clip of Katie Couric and Bryant Gumble hosting The Today Show. Have you seen this?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUs7iG1mNjI

The times they are a changin' andYou've come a long way, baby...

but there's still a long way to go.

Thank you very much for coming back and formulating another superb comment, dear friend Cherdo. I'll be over to your place as soon as I get Marcia and Greg off to school :)

Power to you for posting on such emotive issues - haven't got any answers except people are complex and I trust your readers can take pleasure in simple activities and I do know a lot of people prefer to hang out with their pets over dealing with other people's issues which can impact on them. Expect the best and plan for the worst :) to all and keep safe x that's all for now, cheers Allie-Millie

Hi, dear Allie-Millie! It's great so see you back here again, my good friend. I agree that the answers to these long standing, complex and challenging issues are hard to come by. Each of us has a unique set of filters used to interpret external stimuli. What seems normal and natural to one person might seem shocking and revolting to another. I hope these two recordings, their lyrics and the discussion threads generated by them gave you something to think about and I also hope you enjoyed your visit. I certainly enjoyed having you,

Hi Shady! It's a rainy Saturday nite, and I thought I might sign on to blogger, since I haven't been around in a while. Hope you are doing well! Very interesting post tonite, Shady! I'm really with Kathryn on the Sandy Posey song! Funny to me she came out with 'Single Woman', resigning herself to the fact that she would just have to make it on her own. I'm just not sure if that was before or after 'Born a Woman'. Oh, I think some of us fell for that notion of accepting how it should be under a man's thumb during that time! But, it was too hard for me to do that. I had always done a lot on my own, even as a young teen, and I was pretty bull headed about doing things my way. This song was very popular, but I thing as the later 60's came around, we just scoffed at the very idea of being under the man's thumb. I can remember when women finally won the fight about wearing pants in the workplace! YaY! I mean, women had dirty jobs then too, and it was hard working in dresses with stockings and heels. That was a fun time...a great win!

I think I heard that Crystals song back then-it sure sounds familiar! They were a great group. But, that song was pretty bad. They actually say in the song that they liked being hit! Well, I have to ask...why was that song even written? I guess it would have appealed to someone, but I don't know who! I guess some guys would have loved to hear their girlfriends brag about being hit by them. So, I'll have to go with, "Shady, I agree with you!" Bad to the Bone, on both counts!

Very good points being made here. And, these issues are not as present in our music as in the early 60's, we now have bloodshed and, drug issues that should be dealt with.

So good to see you Shady, you've stayed very busy. Karo's been home from the hospital for a few weeks now...he had to spend some time in a physical therapy facility, so it's been a slow process. But, I'm glad to have him home now. Just trying to catch up on some things. Have a great weekend, hope to see you soon! ♫

Hi, dear Suzanne! I am delighted to see you and to know that things are going better now for husband Karo and that he has been able to return home from the hospital. I've been praying for a good outcome for him. Thank you for letting me know the latest about his condition. Please tell him I say hello and that I wish him the best.

Thanks for weighing in on these two songs. Sandy Posey's "Single Girl" was released late in 1966 a few months after "Born a Woman" and reached the same chart position, #12, in January 1967. A "countrypolitan" style song, "Single Girl" was a slight improvement over "Born a Woman" in that it did not imply that a woman has no choice but to spend her life under a man's thumb. However, the words to the song do reveal that having a man to "lean on" was a priority for many women during that transitional year:

<< The single girl all alone in a great big townThe single girl gets so tired of love lettin' her downThe life's unreal and the people are phonyAnd the nights can get so lonelyThe single girl needs a sweet lovin' man to lean on >>

I agree with you about "He Hit Me." I can't imagine how veteran songwriters Carole King and Gerry Goffin ever came up with such a song. Why couldn't they tell there would be a backlash? How did the song get the green light to be recorded by Phil Spector's hit girl group the Crystals? From today's perspective the song seems like it would have been a career buster but, as we all know, Goffin and King continued with their hugely successful partnership, the Crystals continued to record hits and Phil Spector became a legend for his wall-of-sound recordings.

Thank you again for letting me know that you and Karo are AOK, dear friend Suzanne. I am very happy to have you back and look forward to keeping you entertained throughout 2015. Enjoy your weekend, dear friend!

An excellent, timely discussion, my friend! I am thankful that times are changing, although we have a far piece to go. I have missed your posts while I've out of blogging, but this was just like coming home today!

Hi Shady, long time! I hadn't seen any of your posts on my bloglovin' feed for quite some time and had assumed that you hadn't been about to posting. I've only just realized that the reason I hadn't seen your posts is that I had forgot to add your blog to my bloglovin' feed way back when I stopped reading my feed from blogger!

I really think this post series is an interesting concept and topic of discussion. I have to say, though I appreciate the singing and sound of the background music, I am not at all for the lyrics of these songs. Perhaps if Sandy Posey's lyrics were actually meant to be interpreted as a protest against the sexism women experienced in that era, I may think differently. But I really don't get the feel that that was the intentional message! And I think the radio stations made the right choice about banning "He Hit Me" back then - I'd have hated for any girls (and boys) out there to get 'misleading' ideas!

Hi, dear Lucy in the Sky! Forgive me, too, because I am just now finding your comment. I clicked back here and checked this post after receiving comments from our friend Catherine who sometimes comments on two posts at once, the latest one and the previous. That is what led me to check this post and find your great comment. Forgive me also for being absent from your blog lately. Turns out it was a misunderstanding all the way around because I assumed you were no longer interested in following me or having me follow you. I assure you I am. You are an important friend to me, Lucy, so let us consider this a renewal of our relationship.

Thank you for these wise observations about this controversial post. If not for the politically incorrect lyrics, the melody and arrangement of "Born a Woman" is quite pleasing to listen to. Old school country songs tend to deal with themes like hard times, drinking, gambling, committing adultery and other manifestations of human weakness. I think "Born a Woman" fit right in with the thinking among many in the mid 60s that a good woman's rightful place was in the home raising the kids while her man did whatever he pleased, including hanging out in taverns, drinking excessively and hooking up with bad girls. Women who didn't have careers needed a man's support and were willing to look the other way if he was unfaithful or even put up with abuse and neglect, all in the name of security.

Thank you again, Lucy, for being my friend for a long time now and I hope a long time to come!

The Rodentia Intelligentsia

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"You had to be there!"

“Words and photographs could never do those dancers justice because you had to be there - in a club with great music, like minded people and loads of atmosphere.” David Meikle of Glasgow, Scotland wrote those words in an article remembering the Twisted Wheel, the legendary northern soul club in Manchester, England. Yet, Mr. Meikle could just as easily have been describing the scene at my favorite "in" spot of the 1960s, the Shady Dell in York (Pennsylvania, not England).

THE SHADY DELL

YORK, PENNSYLVANIA

The Shady Dell: Part of York County's Colorful History

What began as a home based restaurant and bakery in 1945 evolved over the next two decades into the hottest teen nightspot in York county complete with indoor and outdoor dance floors. It went beyond that. Shady Dell owner John Ettline and his wife Helen put out the welcome mat offering hospitality, comfort, support, and encouragement to generations of young people. During its impressive 45-year life span the Dell became a home away from home for countless area youth from a variety of backgrounds.

At the height of its popularity in the early and mid 60s the Dell, located on the southern outskirts of the White Rose city, was as widely known as North York’s White Oak Park ("the Oaks"), Harrisburg's Raven club or any other youth-oriented venue in central Pennsylvania. The Dell attracted crowds from all over the region. It brought together under one roof kids from middle class families and kids from working class families - city kids, suburban kids, small town kids and farm kids.

The diverse cast of characters that constituted the Shady Dell family was a potentially volatile mix. Each of us had to find a way to fit in and get along (or risk being voted off the island). In the end, in spite of our differences, most of us learned to dance together without stepping on each other’s toes.

Shady Dell regulars were nicknamed Dell rats and we had at least two things in common: a love of the music that played on the Dell’s jukebox and a genuine respect for John and Helen Ettline who graciously made their home our home.

GREATER THAN THE SUM OF ITS PARTS

The Dell was a unique, magical coming of age experience - a proving ground - a secluded hideaway where adolescents could develop social skills, learn to handle responsibility and test the waters of adulthood free from the hassles of ubiquitous adult micromanagement.

SHOCKING TRUE CONFESSION: I WAS A TEENAGE DELL RAT! by Shady Del Knight

I became a Dell rat in 1965 at the age of fifteen. Disparaging rumors about the place had been circulating for years. If you were to believe the gossip the Dell was a snake pit where bad boys and bad girls went to do bad things. Some people, including my mother, referred to the Dell as a “den of iniquity.” Intrigued by the horror stories, I was determined to get there and see for myself what all the fuss was about.

In preparation for my grand entrance, I subjected myself to weeks of rigorous training at a Shady Dell boot camp of my own devise. I grew my hair longer and took up the smoking habit. I practiced in front of a mirror until I was convinced that my stance, walk, and dancing style were all cool.

To complete my extreme makeover, I went shopping for my 'uniform' which consisted of a tapered shirt from the Hub, slacks by H.I.S. and two wardrobe essentials: a pair of blue Jack Purcell sneakers and the all-important Baracuta jacket "Made in England." Wearing my 'Cuta' made me feel so terribly, terribly British, you know. Spot on for us bird watchin' blokes, right gov'na?

'JACKS'

AN ABSOLUTE MUST...FOR DANCIN' ON DELL DUST!

THE CLASSIC NATURAL COLOUR BARACUTA

STRICTLY CONTINENTAL, MATE!

Moment of Truth: Boy Meets Dell

Too young to drive, I made my first Dell visit happen by bumming a ride one night with my college-age cousin and two of his buddies. Clearly, none of the above was thrilled to be babysitting.

As we drove past York Hospital on South George and headed toward Violet Hill, what began as giddy anticipation was turning to apprehension. Fear of the unknown started creeping into my brain. What if the rumors turned out to be true? Would I soon be sharing a needle with a gang of rowdy bikers?

At Violet Hill, we made a dogleg turn to the right and began to climb the narrow, winding, bumpy Starcross Road. By this time my breathing had become labored and I felt queasy. It was as if, on a foolish dare, I had agreed to spend the night with Vincent Price in his House on Haunted Hill. Was it too late to leap from the car and bolt?

"I See the Lights... I See the Party Lights..."

We rounded a bend and I caught my first glimpse of her a short distance up the road. Perched on the hillside was a three-story brick house. Down to the left stood a barn. The festive glow of colored lights rose skyward from an area behind the house. As I would soon learn, the atmospheric illumination originated from strings of lanterns hanging above a patio rigged with remote speakers for outdoor dancing.

As we banked to make our final approach I detected the percussive beat of uptempo music emanating from the barn. We turned left into a gravel parking lot overflowing with vehicles. Here, in all of her rustic splendor, stood the infamous Shady Dell, my destination for the evening and my obsession for years to come!

I Found My Thrill on Violet Hill

My heart was thumping as we climbed the steps that led to the entrance and approached the admission booth. Following my cousin’s lead, I slid a quarter through the window and looked up to see a balding, bespectacled old man grinning back at me. Old? John Ettline would have been 59 at the time. I'm older than that now. Yikes!

“Good evening, gentlemen!” John delivered his cheerful salutation in a booming baritone. Immediately, my anxiety vanished. John’s warm welcome made me feel right at home. It made me feel like I belonged. I didn’t get it at the time but later came to realize that John’s presupposition that we were "gentlemen" was a clever and tactful way of admonishing us to behave accordingly.

Toto, I've a Feeling We're Not in Kansas Anymore!

From the moment I entered the compound I was hooked. The Shady Dell was a private playground for teenagers - a candy land - a fun factory - a safe haven where kids could congregate and blow off steam without having to worry about parents and teachers giving them the evil eye. Instantly I became intoxicated - not by alcohol - but by a sense of total freedom. The place gave off a vibe that was completely new to me – an exhilarating blend of romance, adventure and danger!

Instead of placing a ton of restrictions on their young patrons, John and Helen granted them the independence they craved. The Ettlines were willing to take a step back and trust our judgment. It was okay for us to party as long as things didn’t get out of hand. Most of us eagerly embraced that arrangement. If and when we screwed up, the Ettlines gave us another chance. John and Helen cut you plenty of slack, but if you disrespected them or trashed their establishment both were capable of unleashing a fiery temper.

Of Rats and Men

Contrary to popular belief, the Dell did not harbor gangs of juvenile delinquents eager to conceal their wicked deeds from law enforcement. Sorry, Mom - there weren’t any guns, switchblades or brass knuckles - no gangs, career criminals or prostitutes - just a bunch of ordinary teenagers who loved to meet, mix and mingle, dance and have fun.

Fights were few and far between. There was tacit agreement that it was our duty to preserve and protect the unique setting that the Ettlines had created for us. It required us to police ourselves to prevent incidents that would generate negative publicity or hassles with the law. Scuffles were settled quickly, often through John’s bold intervention. The first lesson a guy learned at the Dell was as follows. Don’t let the gray hair fool you. Nobody messes with John. He’s the boss!

A Special Welcome to All Incoming Freshmen!

I was punched in the face three times during my first year of matriculation on the campus of the Shady Dell School of Hard Knocks. Apparently a few of the guys were determined to teach me a lesson. Yet, getting socked in the kisser did not dampen my enthusiasm or scare me away from the place. In fact they had the opposite effect. They whet my appetite for more! As a Dell newbie desperate to break free of mom’s apron strings and earn respect and acceptance, I wasn’t about to let a bloody nose deter me. For the first time in my life I felt like a man instead of a boy and I loved it. Like Secret Agent Man I was living a life of danger. I was addicted to the rush!

Determined to create an image that would allow me to blend in, appeal to the ladies and avoid becoming a frequent target of the tribe's dominant males, I did a lot of posing, posturing and pretending. I decided that it would be advantageous for me to look tough even though I wasn't. Whenever I strolled into the dance hall, I made sure that my hair was messed up, my shirt tail was hanging out, a lit cigarette was dangling from my lips and my game face was on.

One afternoon before anybody else arrived, my best friend and I rolled around on the dance floor of the barn so that we could properly break-in our new Baracuta jackets by getting them coated with Dell dust. This drove my mother crazy. She kept asking me how I got my jacket so badly soiled. She was even more perplexed when I forbade her to get it cleaned. How could I explain to her that I didn’t want to risk weakening my status with the other guys by wearing a clean jacket?

In my mom’s day the ideal guy wore a white sport coat and a pink carnation. His hair was neatly cropped, oiled down and slicked back off his forehead. That look would have spelled social suicide at the Dell in the mid 60s. My goal was to look like I had just been in a fight at reform school, and if I got my uniform dirty or bloodied in combat, it was a GOOD thing.

Helen & John Ettline

Shady Dell Owners

Helen and John: Not Your Typical Mom and Pop

Even by mid 60s standards, John Ettline seemed part of a vanishing breed of men. John never called me by my first name. He always chose to address me as “Mr. Knight." John maintained that friendly formality through all the years I knew him. I’m very glad he did. John always made me feel important when he added the title “Mr.” to my name. Making insecure teenagers feel good about themselves was John’s greatest gift. He always treated young people with dignity and respect and that made them want to return it.

Along with his outstanding people skills, John possessed a photographic memory. He could always match a face with a name. He seemed to know a lot about anything or anybody that you happened to be discussing. John Ettline had a million stories to tell - all of them interesting.

Although old enough to be our grandparents, there was no generation gap between the Ettlines and their teenage guests. They seemed to remember better than other grown-ups what it was like to be young. John and Helen stayed in touch and in tune with the youth culture. Never was that more in evidence than one day at the York Fair in September, 1968. I was sitting in the grandstand awaiting the start of the James Brown concert. I turned around to search the crowd for familiar faces and there, a few rows behind me, sat Helen and John. In a year when racial tension was running high in York and elsewhere, it was remarkable to see a white couple in their 60s at a James Brown concert, chanting along with the rest of us, “Say It Loud: I’m Black and I’m Proud!”

John and Helen were cool. Young people felt at ease talking with them. Unlike many adults, John and Helen listened to us. They cared without preaching or judging. The Ettlines treated their teen visitors like extended family. They believed in the potential of every young person, including troubled youth from broken homes. They spoke to us about the value of an education and honest hard work. They sponsored athletic programs and honored America’s armed forces. They shaped young lives by instilling a sense of pride and self esteem. John and Helen went out of their way to make all of their kids feel like somebody - even those whose families were telling them they were nobody.

The Dell Jukebox: ALL KILLER AND NO FILLER!

Upon arriving on the Dell scene I soon realized that the jukebox in the dance hall was loaded with the greatest, most danceable records to be found anywhere. There were quite a few songs that I had never heard before and would never hear anywhere else. The music mix that played nightly at the Dell was consistently better than what I was hearing on the radio. In the mid 60s the Dell's musical menu was an exciting blend of Motown, Chi-town, New York and Philly soul, Memphis, southern R&B, blue-eyed soul, Brit beat, sunshine pop, garage, psych and folk-rock plus a few do-wop favorites held over from the 50s.

Shady Dell regulars, the gang I now refer to as the Rodentia Intelligentsia, prided themselves on having radar for cool. Year in and year out they discovered and popularized songs that radio stations across the country overlooked. Records that lingered near the bottom of the national chart often became cherished classics at the Dell. Forgotten flips were elevated to mega-hit status by Dell rats unfettered by the limitations of radio play lists.

Certain songs resonated with the Dell crowd to such an extent that they stayed on the jukebox for years. The best example of this phenomenon is the record ranked #1 on my survey of the 200 Greatest Hits Of The Shady Dell. It remained one of the most popular jukebox selections a dozen years after its initial release in the 50s. That very special song, the greatest and longest lasting Shady Dell hit of all time, was "Close Your Eyes" by the Five Keys.

THE FIVE KEYS

"Close Your Eyes" Ranked #1

Del-Chords & Magnificent Men

Another mighty evergreen at the Shady Dell was "Everybody’s Gotta Lose Someday," an intense, power-packed r&b/soul ballad by the Del-Chords, a racially mixed group from York. Released in 1964, the record was still being played heavily two years later, jamming the floor with slow dancers several times a night. Dave Bupp and Buddy King, lead vocalists from the Del-Chords, eventually merged with band members of Harrisburg’s Endells to form a blue-eyed soul group called the Magnificent Men. The “Mag Men,” as we called them, were white guys who had a passion for black music and the vocal talent and musicianship to authentically perform it. Their inspiring ballad "Peace of Mind" was the first in an impressive string of Dell hits for our hometown heroes.

Magnificent Men

HEAVY HITTERS AT THE DELL!

The Emperors of Harrisburg

Records by the Emperors, another home-grown act, were also enormously popular with Dell dancers. A black group from the state capital, the Emperors were exponents of the “Harrisburg sound,” a blend of r&b, soul, garage and Latin influences. "Karate," the Emperors’ best known recording, was the first of eight raw, funky, organ-driven numbers to achieve hit status at the Dell in 1966 and 1967.

THE EMPERORS

DELL ROYALTY - THEY RULED!

End of an Era

Once addicted to the Dell, I pretty much lived there until the fall of 1967 when I left York to attend an institution of higher learning. Over the next four years I visited my Dell family whenever possible during holidays, spring breaks, and summer vacations. My stint as a Dell rat officially ended in 1971 when I found a job in another city and moved away from York for good.

My final visit to the Dell came in March of 1984 when my career took me out of state. My last piece of business before leaving was to drop in at the Dell and say a final goodbye. I entered the house to find John sitting on a stool at the lunch counter reading the newspaper. “Well, hello stranger!” John bellowed, rising to his feet and extending his hand. “Long time no see, Mr. Knight!" After shaking hands with John and exchanging a few pleasantries, I inquired about Helen. I was stunned to learn that she had passed away a few weeks earlier. I never got the news! John and I stood alone in Helen’s snack bar, reminiscing about the good old days and lamenting how much things had changed since the Dell’s golden era.

After a brief chat with John I excused myself and walked down the sidewalk to check out the barn. The old dance hall was dimly lit and nearly vacant. The only customers were two boys with shoulder length hair standing by the jukebox with a couple of girls. No music was playing. The place was dead or, more accurately, in the final lonely stages of life. If it had been twenty years earlier, the joint would have been jumpin’. The four young people eyed me suspiciously. Is this guy a narc? I put myself in their combat boots and realized that the sight of a stranger in his mid thirties was probably making this new generation of Dell rats uncomfortable. I promptly exited the barn and returned to the house to bid farewell to John.

That night marked the last time I ever saw John or entered the Shady Dell. I made one final pilgrimage in 1988 when I returned to Pennsylvania to visit my parents. I drove up to the Dell one afternoon with every intention of going inside. I’m sure I would have encountered a smiling John Ettline and that he would have immediately remembered my name. Yet, I never got out of the car. I chose not to enter because I didn’t want to further contaminate my memories by seeing how much older John looked and how much more dilapidated the Dell had become. All I could do was sit there in the parking lot gazing at the barn, the house, the bench and the steps to the admission booth where the whole journey started. My mind flooded with a thousand memories of the people, the place, and the time of my life.

John Ettline closed the Dell in the fall of 1991. He died at the beginning of 1993. John’s family auctioned off the restaurant equipment, signage and other Dell paraphernalia in the spring of that year.

(Mike Argento's 1993 article in the York Daily Record was used as a reference source for portions of this cover story.)

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Spread the word...

THE RAT PACK IS BACK!

A-ha! I knew it! There's fine print!

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