JENNIFER LOPEZ’S BS COMPLAINTS ABOUT SEAN ‘PUFFY’ COMBS:• Reloading is hell on her nails.
• Always constantly ducking behind her in public.
• People keep thinking she’s dating a breakfast cereal.
• It really WAS just a gun in his pocket.
• Refuses to put out a hit on Mariah Carey.
• Body armor makes her ass look even BIGGER.
• Always leaves the toilet seat up after flushing evidence.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:Word is Billy Bob Thornton and “Girl Interrupted” Oscar-winner Angelina Jolie are hot-to-trot on one another and she’s had ‘Billy Bob’ tattooed somewhere on her fab bod’ (right next to ‘Over 6 Billion Served’) . . . Tori Spelling is rumored to be working on opening her own Sunset Strip nightclub in Hollywood (who’d wanna go to a club that would let HER in?) . . . A new Blockbuster poll finds “She’s All That” stars Freddie Prinze Jr and Rachael Leigh Cook are ‘Hollywood’s Most Romantic Duo’, edging out Richard Gere and Julia Roberts . . . Hollywood power couple David Arquette and wife Courteney Cox reportedly have more money than brains these days, refusing to pack for trips and instead buying everything new whenever they go somewhere . . . “The Practice’s” Camryn Manheim says she’ll pay $1,000 to anyone who can find someone who’ll date her for 3 months (without heaving).

TODAY’S NEW VIDEO RELEASES:Michael Mann’s ‘Best Picture’ nominee “The Insider”, the true story of a tobacco exec-turned-whistleblower and his relationship with a “60 Minutes” producer, stars Oscar-nominated Russell Crowe and Al Pacino . . . George Clooney, Mark Wahlberg and Ice Cube play Gulf War soldiers who set out to steal gold that was stolen from Kuwait in the action drama “Three Kings” . . . In the romantic comedy “Three to Tango”, wealthy businessman Dylan McDermott mistakenly believes that Matthew Perry is gay and asks him to keep tabs on his mistress Neve Campbell (highjinks ensue) . . . “Gimme Some Truth”, a documentary on the making of John Lennon’s “Imagine”, edited from film footage shot by John & Yoko during the 1971 recording sessions.

TOP VIDEO RENTALS:1. “Star Wars: Episode I The Phantom Menace” (projected to become the #2 biggest-selling live-action video of all time, after “Titanic”)
2. “The Sixth Sense” (made a whopping $50 million in combined rentals and sales in its first 5 days of release)
3. “Double Jeopardy”
4. “Stigmata”
5. “American Pie”

ANOTHER SAD SAGA DURING “STRESS AWARENESS MONTH”:A new study in the “Journal of Occupational Health and Psychology” suggests that service industry workers can get stressed-out by being forced to smile at customers and act friendly when they don’t really mean it. (If this is true, the servers down at [local dive joint] are entirely stress-free! “Hey Smiley, I don’t wanna stress you out or anything, but could you move your lard-ass and get us another round?”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .Today is “8-Track Tape Day”, a time for nostalgic memories of the old catridge tape format. Get listeners to flip through their dusty tapes and call in some of the weirder titles.

Today is “Barbershop Quartet Day”, honoring the 1938 founding of the “Society for the Preservation & Encouragement of Barbershop Quartet Singing” in Tulsa OK (that would be SPEBQS for short). So altogether now, let’s harmonize. Hummmm.

Tomorrow is “International Noise Awareness Day”. Have your intern tape identifiable SFX around your city, then play a round of ‘Name That Noise’ tomorrow morning.

The annual “International Whistlers Convention” blows into Louisburg NC this Thursday-Sunday. The annual competition includes both professional & amateur whistlers. Um, where does a ‘pro’ whistler find work? Ask for sound samples.
PHONER: 919-496-4771 or 919-478-7777

ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .1996 Greg Norman shoots 63 at Masters Golf Championship to tie lowest-ever round in a major tournament (Big deal! I shot a 63 once. And then on the back 9 . . .)
1997 Snake thriller “Anaconda” starring Jennifer Lopez & Ice Cube opens in theaters (Is it true she named Puffy Combs’ ‘little man’ after the movie?)
1997 Actor Tony Randall becomes a father for the first time at age 77 (in order to get ‘bulk rate’ on diapers)

AND REMEMBER . . .[Wed] NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs begin
[Wed] Look Up At The Sky Day (aka ‘Pain in the Neck Day’)
[Thurs] Scrabble Day
[Sun] National Stress Awareness Day
Families Laughing Through Stories Week (ask dad to tell you about the old days – hilarious stuff)
Young People’s Poetry Week (write out the lyrics to any rap song and read it as poetry)
National Youth Sports Safety Month
Alcohol Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS TRIVIA:
Q: What did Yoko Ono’s mother warn her never to do in public?
A: Too bad it wasn’t sing. She warned her never to smile.
(Source: “People”)

THE LAST WORD:Bureaucracy: a method for transforming energy into solid waste.