Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Say with me everyone- FLASK

Flask- n A flat, relatively thin container for liquor.

I believe every man should have a flask. It is your buddy, your companion during those long hours of snow removal, your method for enjoying the college hockey game you went to not knowing it was a dry stadium.

But you may be wondering, where do I get flask? My God, how have I survived so many years without one? You mean, I could have had a nip or two while removing the feetage of snow last week?

So many questions to the no-flask-owning group. But I have answers.

First, why don't you own one already? Some may say you have no need. How it may be possible, quite remotely possible, that you have no need for one now (which I cannot begin to believe- you give the scenario, I will tell you why you need a flask), you did have a need prior to your current situation. And you can blame either you close friends or your brother for you flaskless condition.

For a flask is the perfect gift for any man. Especially for those standing up in your wedding party. Grooms, how do you overlook this necessity of mankind? I don't care what the bride to be has to say. Your words to them are "The groomsmen are getting flasks. Period. End of discussion." If you cannot say that, then you may as well hand your balls over (well, you are getting married so you will be anyways).

You may not know how you survived, but I can help. If you do not see yourself involved in any matrimonial service any time soon, there is still hope. Especially for you sports enthusiasts. Go to Sports Fan Fare for a wide selection of flasks that allow you to show your loyalties. Though it says 6oz., I believe I can fit 7 shots in mine. Or if you want something besides sports, go to Gunther. They have a wide variety that should fit your needs.

And believe me, you have needs. I only speak from experience. I recall driving out to Madison for a Badger hockey game. They had just moved into the brand new Kohl Center. My and the boys had been to many a game at the Dane County Coliseum. We knew we could have a beer or two in the "beer garden". But we were totally dismayed that the Kohl Center was dry (damn NCAA rules!). Who wants to drink soda for the next couple of hours of hockey? Not me. Thus my flask was a welcome buddy. Captain Morgan basically had the seat next to me and we enjoyed the game.

Another place to consider bringing your hip little friend is any game involving suites. If you get entrance to any suite, you will generally find that they provide beer only to a certain point. Once it runs out, there is more but at a hefty price. But there is plenty of soda. Once again, the Captain can spice up the game. Especially if it is a company event. Your boss will consider you for a raise once he sees your out-of-the-box-thought process. Beside tossing some life saving liquor into his 7 UP, he will be proud of your forward thinking. That will mean more benefits in the future.

Flask maintenance is also important. Once empty, you always need to clean your flask. Don't let it sit around with the sugars gumming it up. It only takes a couple minutes to properly rinse it out. This will lead to many years of drinking enjoyment from the beautiful metal container.

I do not have a flask ( according to your article that means I must not have testicles ) but now I have great gift suggestions/demands for myself. I can not believe they make a combination cigar holder/flask - awesome!

Your blog should be mandatory reading for everyone of legal drinking age.