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Author
Topic: The Dating Game (Read 3991 times)

Due to the combination of always having the slightest tolerance for bullshit, having to deal with backlash from doing something I thought was in my best interests regarding my health, and just getting older, dating hasn't really been high on the priority list for me.

Sure, for shits and grins, I occasionally surf certain sites as well as post on a specific one that shall remain nameless where one can run into someone and be lured to their death in a hotel room -- just to be reminded of why I don't invest lots of time in "fishing". I can always watch XTube until my hands go numb if I really get hard up. Yah, I know there is no substitute for real live, human, companionship, but I just am not fixated on having to be around people.

OK, so let's get to it.

Recently I posted a variation of an ad to that aforementioned infamous site, testing the waters. Because I was getting all kinds of your typical nonsense whenever I posted in the past, I thought it was best to tweak the content further, since no one really reads those ads anyway.

I'm always upfront and always disclose regarding my status, as well as what I'm fishing for. Which is basically someone to pal around with, get to know, and maybe see where things go. It is not overtly sexual in nature, nor is it misleading that I'm looking for love.

I got a response from a poz-friendly fellow. He seemed interesting enough, so we traded pix and a few emails.

The last time I wrote him, I asked about his schedule as I had emphasized that weekends would prove to be the best option for planning anything. He responded cryptically that led me to believe that weekends were totally out for him. As no one can really infer what tone someone is writing in, I've been around long enough to know when the foundation being laid is being built on inflexibility.

So, that was that. I hadn't invested any effort and didn't plan to go out of my way to jump through hoops for anyone who couldn't at least say, well my weekends are normally _____ but....

What am I - chopped liver? You don't have any other options, so you think I'm desperate enough to dash when you snap your fingers?

All of a sudden the lyrics from "Lucky" by Donna Summer popped into my head...

Scared and lonelygoing out for the nightshakin' all overand wishing I'd nevercome here

He pulled up in a cloud of smokeso much was saidbut nobody spoke a word

So I took a chanceand he followed me homeI knew he wouldn't begso I gave in without fighting

Been so long since I've been this waysince I loved this wayso I asked him if he would stay for a while

Lucky comes easylucky's not shyand if you're luckyyou'll go for a ridefor a ride

We talked a whileand he told me nicewe laughed and we cried andI knew that I could love himhe got up to say goodbyeI said where you going,he said that he must leave

Lucky comes easylucky's not shyand if you're luckyyou'll go for a ridefor a ride

Lucky comes easylucky's not shyand if you're luckyyou'll go for a ridefor a ride

Lucky takes you out for a ridefor a ridelucky takes you out for a ridefor a ride

My head is screwed on tight, and I wasn't even thinking of any potential here -- just that line where she says "and if you're lucky, you'll go for a ride" kept playing over and over. Made me think that there are probably some people out there who do think that if you're + you just sit around and wait for someone. And we all know that there are many misconceptions carried by people when it comes to living with hiv.

I'm just curious as to what you guys would've done if you were in a similar situation? Am I overreacting by thinking that he was saying he was willing to meet me since he was "bored?"

Seroconverted: Early 80sTested & confirmed what I already knew: early 90s

Current regimen: Atripla. Last regimen: Epzicom, Sustiva (since its inception with NO adverse side effects: no vivid dreams and NONE of the problems people who can't tolerate this drug may experience: color me lucky )Past regimensFun stuff (in the past): HAV/HBV, crypto, shingles, AIDS, PCP

Honey, boys with AIDS are just as flakey as the ones without it. Sometimes even more so because they can't handle the added mental pressure.

You could always choose to not over think things with his "I'm bored" comment and just meet up. If he's as flakey in person as he already seems on line then at the worst you cut the date short and say you're having explosive diarrhea or PN issues. That's the great thing about HIV you know -- always a good excuse up the sleeve for a speedy exit, as long as such things are used discriminatingly of course.

It's not the most elegant invite, is it. But i'll go with Miss P and say it wouldn't hurt to meet for a coffee. And if hes an A-hole, you can kindly tell him his invite was low, as well. Or, just stick to your guns and avoid the people who aren't up to your snuff.

Logged

ďFrom each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needĒ 1875 K Marx

If he's as flakey in person as he already seems on line then at the worst you cut the date short and say you're having explosive diarrhea or PN issues. That's the great thing about HIV you know -- always a good excuse up the sleeve for a speedy exit, as long as such things are used discriminatingly of course.

Seroconverted: Early 80sTested & confirmed what I already knew: early 90s

Current regimen: Atripla. Last regimen: Epzicom, Sustiva (since its inception with NO adverse side effects: no vivid dreams and NONE of the problems people who can't tolerate this drug may experience: color me lucky )Past regimensFun stuff (in the past): HAV/HBV, crypto, shingles, AIDS, PCP

Honesty, my first reaction would've been the same but then again, if you want to meet people I feel you have to have the 'so what' attitude. So what if he said that. As you mentioned, you didn't invest to much into it so I think you should've gotten together. If you weren't comfortable with him or you just didn't like him, at least you would've known.

So what? Give people a chance (regardless of any snide comments they make) and meet them. What damage is it going to do?

Lots of luck!

Logged

In Hollywood an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty per cent of publicity.~ Lauren Bacall

So what? Give people a chance (regardless of any snide comments they make) and meet them. What damage is it going to do?

Lots of luck!

So I didn't fall off the face of the earth. I've just been living a very busy life with not a lot of time lately While I had a little, I wanted to throw off a fast update regarding this situation.

It finally worked out and I was able to meet this person in mid-September. We had managed to somehow overcome those kinks in communication and set a date. We went to dinner and a movie. It was nice. Afterwards, I pretended not to notice how he kept saying things like "I really like being around you" and "this feels so right"....

The next day was nice, so we decided to meet up again. Walked around, talked and had dinner. Again, it was nice. But I noticed again he was on some sort of fast track to hell, and I mentioned, very politely, that things take time to develop and let's just explore.

The following weekend he ended up coming over and spending part of it at my place. It was nice. Lots of conversation - but I found myself reminding him that there was no need to dive head first and rush, because I still sensed that "let's get married now" mentality.

After he left, I asked that he call me to let me know he was home. He did and we chatted. At the end of the conversation, as I was hanging up I heard him use the "L" word. I quickly hung up.

To make a long story short, things quickly disintegrated. He kept trying to analyze me. I kept telling him he needed to slow down because he didn't know me and there was no such thing as love overnight. More of him trying to analyze me. Mind you, all of this done via text and email; even though I told him that he needed to stop using written communication as a substitute for topics that required face-to-face or phone discussions. He tried to spin it on me and say I was the one who was initiating these serious discussions using those mediums despite the fact that I have proof showing that he kept going down that road and I repeatedly asked him to refrain from doing such using those types of communication.

He kept pressing me so I told him to fuck off and leave me alone in a reply to one of his emails since I was done.

Hopefully he has found someone else to ambush. Maybe the red flag should've went up when he told me at the first dinner one of the main reasons his ex broke up with him was that he was too 'needy and clingy' ~ I guess I chalked it off as being a bitter breakup and that I wouldn't use the words of strangers to judge him.

Never in a million years did I think someone could actually be so gung-ho on getting attached that they skip the getting to know one another/dating phase altogether. Even 20+ - something years ago when I was a wild child, I still didn't decide I was "dating" someone in the blink of an eye, no matter how good the sex was - since back in those days it was sex first, get to know you later

I know that all men aren't like this but like someone else posted before, I can really feel like I have some sort of lunatic magnet that people see that draws such craziness to me.

Shit, this makes me extremely gun shy about what the pole will attract the next time I go fishing LOL

Seroconverted: Early 80sTested & confirmed what I already knew: early 90s

Current regimen: Atripla. Last regimen: Epzicom, Sustiva (since its inception with NO adverse side effects: no vivid dreams and NONE of the problems people who can't tolerate this drug may experience: color me lucky )Past regimensFun stuff (in the past): HAV/HBV, crypto, shingles, AIDS, PCP

Seroconverted: Early 80sTested & confirmed what I already knew: early 90s

Current regimen: Atripla. Last regimen: Epzicom, Sustiva (since its inception with NO adverse side effects: no vivid dreams and NONE of the problems people who can't tolerate this drug may experience: color me lucky )Past regimensFun stuff (in the past): HAV/HBV, crypto, shingles, AIDS, PCP

Ah, the classic Klingon -- also known as T.P. (as in toilet paper stuck to the sole of one's shoe). While they exist in the larger gay culture, I sometimes ponder if there's a higher incidence of this in Pozland. I probably would have smelled the scent immediately and not gone further than that first date, as I'm very attuned to this issue. I mean really, what kind of queen openly admits to being labeled 'needy and clingy' on a date? It's like saying that your ex broke up with you due to halitosis or for wearing Birkenstocks.

You lead him on not the other way around if I am hearing this right. Because if you had doubts you wanted to date him then just dump him like that. Shame on you. love to all

Logged

1997 is when I found out, being deathly ill. I had to go to the hospital due to extreme headache and fever. I fell coma like, two months later weighing 95 pounds and in extreme pain and awoke to knowledge of Pancreatis, Cryptococcal Meningitis, Thrush,Severe Diarea, Wasting, PCP pneumonia. No eating, only through tpn. Very sick, I was lucky I had good insurance with the company I worked for. I was in the hospital for three months that time. (2010 Now doing OK cd4=210 VL= < 75)I have become resistant to many nukes and non nukes, Now on Reyataz, , Combivir. Working well for me not too many side effects. I have the wasting syndrome, Fatigue . Hard to deal with but believe it or not I have been through worse. Three Pulmonary Embolism's in my life. 2012 520 t's <20 V load

...I'm just curious as to what you guys would've done if you were in a similar situation? Am I overreacting by thinking that he was saying he was willing to meet me since he was "bored?"

seems to me you'd written him off within the first few days of your fortnight together. i can sorta say i understand, well i do understand, but maybe my standards are lower than yours... i'd have to see a few examples of the communiques between you two to claim i might be able to judge anything. he seemed overly eager to claim "love" which is frequently a less-than-attractive trait but, again, with one person's perception of "reality" (or "realty" if you couldn't care less) it's difficult to claim impartiality. maybe i missed it but he wasn't picking out china patterns or presenting you with a key to his home & asking for same. probably by the 3rd or 4th week he would have...

yeah, the guy was calling you because he had nothing better to do (or should i say "no one?") -- he clumsily admitted it as so many, um... "normal" people do, unable to wrest self-absorption from our uppermost consciousness. get over it or razzle him. if you were horny and found him attractive go to it. if you were sufficiently upset/displeased say you have pencils to sharpen and won't be free for days.

maybe he is interested in you and wanted to play it cooler. maybe he is the kind of person who looks at everyone else as human resources for his use. having absolutely no psychic abilities at all i don't know where the ever-elusive "truth" lies.

long ago i gave up dating or looking for my soul-mate (if such loathsome creature exists) so have been almost 100% faithful to my right hand for about 1.5 decades. nevertheless, occasionally the desire for human contact of a sensual nature grabs me and i seek surfeit. usually i end up masturbating to online porn or i'll watch a romantic movie and become nauseously uber-sentimental, weepy, and maudlin (it's the Sammy Maudlin Show!) until the meds kick in. as lucia or georgie said, sex is so "sticky."

better luck next time?

« Last Edit: October 03, 2009, 02:35:21 AM by the trebmeister »

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Your friends may say that Iím a strangerMy face theyíll never see no moreThere is but one promise thatís givenIíll sail on Godís golden shore

You met him and you continued giving him a chance after your first meeting, to me, that says there was something about him you liked or maybe you just liked the companionship. Point is, you never know unless you try....you tried and now you know.I hope that experience doesn't discourage you to try again.

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In Hollywood an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty per cent of publicity.~ Lauren Bacall

You met him and you continued giving him a chance after your first meeting, to me, that says there was something about him you liked or maybe you just liked the companionship. Point is, you never know unless you try....you tried and now you know.I hope that experience doesn't discourage you to try again.

Thanks Texan for understanding. Based upon what he had initially told me in the preliminary emails and phone conversation previous to dinner, we discovered we had a number of interests in common, which made me see merit in going to the next level. As I also said, dinner was nice enough, so silly me, thinking I would probably get on better with someone if I saw somewhat of a potential to lay a foundation based upon our mutual interests, was open to see where things might lead. I guess I'm still old-fashioned in thinking the best relationships (platonic or romantic) are ones where you are able to work at becoming friends first.... And again, I stress, that I told him numerous times that things take time, even if you have lots of things in common....

maybe he is interested in you and wanted to play it cooler. maybe he is the kind of person who looks at everyone else as human resources for his use. having absolutely no psychic abilities at all i don't know where the ever-elusive "truth" lies.

long ago i gave up dating or looking for my soul-mate (if such loathsome creature exists) so have been almost 100% faithful to my right hand for about 1.5 decades. nevertheless, occasionally the desire for human contact of a sensual nature grabs me and i seek surfeit. usually i end up masturbating to online porn or i'll watch a romantic movie and become nauseously uber-sentimental, weepy, and maudlin (it's the Sammy Maudlin Show!) until the meds kick in. as lucia or georgie said, sex is so "sticky."

better luck next time?

I was open to exploration. It was the fact that he was on a breakneck road to us becoming "we" in too big of a rush. Despite my best efforts to tell him he could slow things down a tad, it was never heard. The first date he had decided (in his head) that I was the one for him.

This is mainly why I, like you, have pretty much blown off going through the motions of trying to meet anyone. Porns are great. They serve a need, I get off and don't have to come up with lies on how to get rid of someone the morning after, especially when I don't remember their name (just kidding).

This was another thing with this person. He kept telling me that I was lying to myself if I believed I actually could continue living MY life without being involved with a person, and experiencing love. And he also rubbed me wrong by saying that we both weren't "spring" chickens like I was desperate for the first man who showed me any attention. Many humans are guilty of projecting their issues onto others ~ and I am in tune enough to know when people have issues they need to work through that require the services of a trained professional and not their next conquest

You lead him on not the other way around if I am hearing this right. Because if you had doubts you wanted to date him then just dump him like that. Shame on you. love to all

And mewith... shame on you for twisting up what I said. Not once did I say I led this person on. I said we had initially met because of an ad I placed. It took time, but we finally were able to meet in the flesh. He fell in love with me within 2 weeks. That made me uncomfortable, end of story. I decided to come back and update this thread with what happened, in case anyone might have had a passing interest. That's all I said.

Thanks always, Miss P for being able to understand. I guess it takes a Yankee to understand another one in order to see that I did absolutely nothing wrong by cutting the cord. I am sure if anyone else met someone who fell in love with them within 14 days, they would high tail it away quickly also. That shit only happens in movies, and if you watch Lifetime, those always end BAD when it does happen

P.S. - it also transcended Pozland, as it had the makings of a serodiscordant involvement

Seroconverted: Early 80sTested & confirmed what I already knew: early 90s

Current regimen: Atripla. Last regimen: Epzicom, Sustiva (since its inception with NO adverse side effects: no vivid dreams and NONE of the problems people who can't tolerate this drug may experience: color me lucky )Past regimensFun stuff (in the past): HAV/HBV, crypto, shingles, AIDS, PCP

Hey, you were simply trying. Nothing wrong with that. It's the dating game. You have to try in order to meet people and you have to meet people in order to date.Some people get lucky in the first round...the rest of us have to keep trying. That's the dating life.

Edit: BOO...mewithu...BOOOO!

« Last Edit: October 03, 2009, 10:19:09 PM by Texan38 »

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In Hollywood an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty per cent of publicity.~ Lauren Bacall