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Monday, April 26, 2010

"Insured His Thumbs"

Joke of the Day: Rocker Bret Michaels is in critical condition. You know, the idiot on the Celebrity Apprentice with ugly blonde hair. But enough about Donald Trump...

The first pill designed to end premature ejaculation goes on sale in England for almost $40 a pill. Here's the weird part: There have been multiple purchases, yet it hasn't even been released yet.

In Arizona, protests over the crackdown on illegal immigration resulted in refried beans being smeared on the windows of the state Capitol. It could have been worse. The protesters could have eaten them.

Wal-Mart is facing a class action suit contending the retail giant discriminates against women in pay and promotions. To which Wal-Mart said, "What's a suit?"

Kate Gosselin’s eight children have been cleared to appear on her new reality show, “Kate Plus 8”. When you think about, that should have been the title of the original show.

Pres. Obama welcomed the World Champion New York Yankees to the White House, Monday. While with the Yankees, Obama reportedly asked for a few hundred million dollars.

Race car driver Fernando Alonso has insured his thumbs for 5 million euro apiece prior to the Spanish Grand Prix in Barcelona. Alonso claims those as his texting fingers.

In Silicon County, California, officials have proposed a ban against Happy Meal toys because they believe it's not helping their cause to end obesity. Yeah, the item that kids don't eat is the cause for obesity.

In Stamford, Connecticut, a man drove his car into a wall, went airborne and landed on the roof of an office. Police were puzzled until they saw a Toyota logo on the back of his car.

Two Illinois lawmakers are asking that the National Guard be called in to stop all the violence in Chicago. I guess Illinois lawmakers haven't seen the Chicago Bears play defense.

A study says that chimpanzees face death like humans. Who knew chimpanzees drove Toyotas?

The Post Office is asking for suggestions on how to stop losing so much money. The Post Office then realized that there's this brand new invention called "E-Mail".

Brazil’s health minister says that people should have more sex, as it helps to lower blood pressure. This sounds legit, but does it HAVE to be a minister who says that?

New research says that smoking, drinking too much, inactivity and a poor diet can age a person by twelve years. So Kirstie Alley has started saying that she's 58 years old. Plus 12.