What to Tell a Child About His Daddy

My partner and I just had a beautiful baby boy on Father's Day. The problem that has been on my mind is what to say when our son is old enough to ask about his father. We are aware that this will come up, probably sooner than what we are hoping, and we want to be prepared.

A lot of people have told us to lie to him until he is old enough to fully understand. You know, tell him things like his father passed away, or that his daddy and his mommy didn't get along so they decided to not be together. But that's not the vibe that we want our son to have.

We want our son to know that we have so much love for each other that we knew we could have a beautiful baby and give all that love to him. We tried for him, we waited and now that he is finally here, the last thing we want to do is lie to him.

If we lie to him, we will have to keep on lying every time he asks about it. Please help us with this problem.

Comments for What to Tell a Child About His Daddy

Congratulations on your beautiful baby boy! And congratulations on being so visionary that you want to start thinking about how much information to give your son when he starts to ask the inevitable questions. You sound like a caring parent.

Unfortunately, you haven't given me enough information to answer your question. The first question I have for you is: do you know who the father is? Your answer to this question will make all the difference in determining what to tell your son and when it is age-appropriate to give him more specific information.

Sep 07, 2008Rating

the question i had was what to TELL our son about his daddyby: the one with the question

Although you may have thought you were the first person to be honest and show some tough love... you weren't. The question was what to tell a child about his daddy, not your opinion on the fact that we are a LOVING lesbian couple that has a baby boy. (just cause we are lesbian doesn't mean we don't have any males in our lives!). Regardless of your beliefs, studies have shown that children of gay or lesbian partners grow to be more accepting of people of differences, less judgmental, and more open-minded compared to those of heterosexual families. Besides single mothers are raising mentally healthy boys everyday, all over the world.

God bless you and your family, not JUST your children. :P

Sep 06, 2008Rating

Unfortunate by: Anonymous

Undeniably, every boy needs a father. It is unfortunate that you and your partner could not see beyond your selfishness to see this great need for your future child. Love is truly not enough, as poetic as that may sound. In light of this and realizing that it is too late to change your current situation, you should see a counselor to find the healthiest way to explain to your son your decision. Additionally, you need to find a reliable and dedicated male figure (perhaps a grandfather or uncle) to step up to the plate to be there for your son to provide a male role model, support, and companionship. As he grows up, involve him in activities (such as Tae Kwon Do, swimming, or any group activity) where he can have an involved with other boys for role modeling. Good luck to you and God bless your child.