Wednesday, 4 May 2016

Why my Labrador wouldn't make a good detection dog

I
can't say that I was surprised to hear that the detection dogs at Manchester
Airport regularly found cheese and sausages rather than Class A drugs.

I'm
sure most dogs, given the choice, would much prefer to sniff out foods they
might like to eat rather than the poisons humans choose to take.

I
can almost picture the scene, as an eager-to-please Springer Spaniel careers
around the baggage area, sniffs what might be Cocaine but then gets a whiff of
Chorizo so heads to that bag instead, wagging its tail with delight and waiting
for its reward.

In
our house - where I hasten to add the only drugs likely to be sniffed out are
paracetamol or Ibuleve for my dodgy knee - my dog simply seeks out food and
prides himself on the fact that he can hear me open the cheese packet from at
least two rooms away.

Believe
me, it doesn't matter how much ninja-like stealth I use to open the fridge door
and extract the cheddar, within nano-seconds he's there, stationed at my feet
looking up at me with pleading brown eyes, a small stream of drool starting
from his ample jowls.

Yes,
before anyone writes in, I do remember my cookery teacher telling us that pets
should never be in the room when we're preparing food.

I
also remember the Health Visitor doing a home visit after my daughter was born.

Our
previous Labrador greeted her enthusiastically, as he did with anyone who
walked through the door. I'm sure
burglars and cold callers would have been similarly treated as friends he just
hadn't had the pleasure of meeting yet, and been whacked firmly in the back of
the leg with his otter-like tail.

She
said "Oh, you have a dog, have you?" and then paused for what seemed
like an eternity, before eventually adding: "That's good, studies show it
helps to build a child's immune system."

Which
was a relief all round, as I thought for one dreadful moment she was going to
tell me my dog was a health hazard!