Dedicated to Domination

Monday, January 19, 2009

It's Harder Than You Think

There is something I was thinking about the other day and I have thought about it many times in the past. I think the dirtiest part on a human's body could most arguably be the eyelids. My reason being is that you can't really scrub them very hard, or your eyeballs would explode into your head. This would leave you blind and in pain from the soap that got in there. Every other part of your body can be scrubbed just about as hard as you want it to be. So please don't be shy about it.

Also, I think most people don't think they have to wash their feet specifically. Especially between their toes. I bet they all think that the soap rinsing down there is enough. I don't think it is. All in all, I have some advice for everyone reading this.

Please wash your eyelids thoroughly, but be careful and also take time to wash your feet and in between your toes. For real.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Lessons In Great Movie Titles

So I was talking to my buddy Brad today and the subject of Snakes On A Plane came up. We both agreed that it was a great title and movie, but it also got me thinking. Why can't more movies have titles that tell you what you are getting into before you go see them. I mean, to anyone that did not like SOAP, you are an idiot. What did you think it was going to be about? Can you really say that it was not what you expected? You would be a fool to suggest that. So here is a list of five movie titles that I can understand you being totally upset about and to even things out, further down is a list of movie titles I made up that would be about exactly what the title says.

Titles that aren't good1. The Last King of Scotland. (I already blogged about this one.)2. Octopussy (We all know it was a James Bond flick, but maybe, just maybe, this one was going to be a little different than the others.)3. Little Shop of Horrors (It doesn't help that this was based on a musical. Not scary at all. How can you have the word horror in your title when the scariest part of your movie is the dark blank screen at the end of it. Not a good look Rick.)4. Funny Girl (Not funny, not hot.)5. XXX: State of the Union (I see triple exes and... I digress, this one and the sequel, not so much.)

(My) Titles that are good1. Hot Chicks Take Their Clothes Off and Do Stuff Part 2(There would obviously be a sequel to this one)2. Spiders In Your Closet (See the part above about SOAP)3. Photoshop (This one's about Photoshop)4. Kung Fu Masters Getting Bad Ass (I know this would be a great one)5. Brian Builds a Weather Control Device and Time Machine to Control the World (This is a work in progress as we speak, it will be an autobiography.)

P.S. To make things awesomer!

Apparently there was a sequel made to Snakes On a Plane. It was called Snakes On A Train. I shit you not. Check it out here!

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

My Top Ten Hip-Hop Albums of 2008 Part 2

Part 2

Let's dive right in!

5. Young Jeezy: The RecessionHere is another rapper I used to hate. I just couldn't get his appeal. Then I got an album and listened to it all the way through. I could not have been more wrong. I think my favorite thing about him is that he does so much with so little and his albums really motivate. I know it is odd, but trust me. I mean, he is not the most lyrical but he is hella creative. He can definitely choose a beat and he plays to his strengths. Great album title too. He decided we were in a recession well before the people who are paid to know these things did. This is a theme album that stayed true start to finish. Basic premise "If the economy fails, I will be okay, I came from nothing and I will do what it takes to not go back. Here is how I got to where I am". Stand outs are "The Recession (Intro)", "Hustlaz Ambition", and "Put On feat. Kanye West".

4. This is a tie for me. Two great deliveries from Killer Mike and T.I.

Killer Mike: I Pledge Allegiance to the Grind II

This might be one of my most played albums of the year. This guy can do no wrong. I don't even think it would matter what he was rhyming over, and there are very few people I would say that about. He has the skills of any seasoned veteran, an underground sound, and solid delivery. His ability to paint a picture isn't far from Slick Rick's either, in my opinion. Every song takes you to a place and you can really just get into it. If you have no idea who this guy is, please get familiar. Stand outs include "God In the Building", "10 G's", and "Bang".

T.I.: Paper TrailThis was a good album which really surprised me given all of the things this guy went through in 2008. That is also my greatest complaint for this album. It spent too much time trying to justify what he was going through and preaching to me, for me to really get into it. I appreciate any artist that is going to tell you how much pain they are going through and this really humanized him. For the first time in years of his career, gone was the veil of braggadocio and a real person was left. Anybody that has gone through some rough shit could get down with this. Stand outs include "I'm Illy", "Porn Star" (I personally like the drums), and "What Up, What's Haapnin". I would avoid "Live Your Life", "Swagga Like Us" (Overplayed, just like the word, great when it was new though), and "My Life, Your Entertainment feat. Usher" (the title says it all).

3. Nas:UntitledThis album was controversial before it even came out. It was going to be called 'Nigger'. The word on the street is that in the end Def Jam wouldn't let him call it that. Whatever the case may be, this was Nas' most solid delivery in a long time. There was social discussion, which you always have with Nas but there was also a racial commentary with an overall theme that it is okay to be who you are. More importantly though was the theme that is okay to be proud of who you are and where you come from no matter your race or background, and that there is nothing wrong with being black. I like Nas a lot lot, but usually the man can not choose a beat. He did not have that problem with this album and it lived up to all of the hype. I know that most of the albums on this list will only be for hip hop heads and purists, but this one I think everyone should check out. Stand outs include "Queens Get the Money", "Black President" (a barack tribute that didn't suck), "N.i.g.g.e.r. (The Slave and the Master)"(production was bananas and I was moved, a must hear), and "Sly Fox" (about the 'fair and balanced.' "news" organization, that was a lot of quotes).

2. Bun B: II TrillHouston rap legend. That about says it all. Lost his best friend and partner in rhyme. Through all of the grief delivered a solid album with no gimmicks, no lame overdone R.I.P. tributes, and he stayed focused. I like UGK but I love Bun B solo. Definitely does not get enough shine but lyically he can run with the big dogs of the game. Each album and feature he gets even better. You can only say that about a handful of artists in any genre that have been making music this long. Also an album I think anyone could get down with. Stand outs include "Swang On Em feat. Lupe Fiasco", "II Trill", and "Keep It 100".

Last but not least, something that may surprise those not in the know!

My number 1 album of 2008 was...

1. The Roots: Rising DownWhat can I say about these guys that hasn't been said. Every album is a banger start to finish. Black Thought should be on everyone's "Top Five Dead Or Alive", easily the best sounding LIVE hip hop act there is. This album showcases their versatility and ability to drop what usually works for them and go a completely different direction while staying true to their sound. You even get a glimpse of Thought rhyming when he was 15 (still ill). I think this is one album everyone needs to have in their collection. As I said earlier, every song bangs. Stand outs include, the whole album. Get this one, and the rest and catch a Roots show if you have the chance. You will not be disapointed.

My Top Ten Hip-Hop Albums of 2008

Man, I cannot believe I let a whole year pass without blogging. I should try much harder at this thing. Well, I did travel a lot this year, but that shouldn't be an excuse since I had a computer every step of the way. I will try to be brief with this list, include three or four good songs per album , and about 5 honorable mentions. Without further ado, let's get to it!

PART 1.

10. Ludacris: Theatre of the MindAs always, another solid delivery from Luda. However, this was a thin attempt at a concept album, supposed to show the many sides of the artist. I think it was a lame attempt to justify his random song choices. Listen, I am a Luda fan, I have every album, but the man just cannot string together a solid delivery. Easily one of the most versitile rappers in the game with great delivery, bonkers flow, good beat selection, etc., I often find his albums disjointed. It always seems like, 3 hot songs, skit, freestyle, 3 filler songs, something so off the wall (he used a He-Man theme song sample once) that it works, and 2 bananas songs. Stand outs include "MVP" (first southern rapper on a Premier beat), "I do it for Hip-Hop feat Nas and Jay-Z" (holds his own with two legends), and "Everybody Hates Chris".

9. David Banner: The Greatest Story Every ToldI don't ever have much to say about David Banner except that he is underrated. His production gets more shine than his albums do but they are always educated, well done, both lyrically and production wise, and they make a solid social commentary. He gets me hype like Dead Prez, but he doesn't make me want to burn a city down, so that is a bonus. If you are looking for a less revolutionary delivery but with a broader message for everyone I suggest you check him out. Stand outs include "So Long", "Suicide Doors (feat UGK)", and "Shawty Say (feat. Lil Wayne)".

8. Q-Tip: The RenaissanceNot much to say about this album either. If you like A Tribe Called Quest, but realize a reunion album is probably never going to happen, then this is the one for you. My only gripe is that as much as I like Tip lyrically, his voice grates on me by the end of an album. That is why Tribe worked so well for me, because I got to hear him half as much. I do love his production though, which he does mainly himself. Unfortunately all this album does after a few listens is make me yearn for the old school days of non stop ATCQ radio rotation. Stand outs include "Move (prod by J Dilla)", "Getttin' up", "You", and "We Fight feat. Raphael Saadiq".

7. Scarface: EmiritusI used to hate Scarface. Could not stand his voice. To me he always sounded like he had just inhaled a bunch of smoke and was trying to talk without exhaling. I've gotten past it to enjoy probably one of the greatest southern rappers ever. He lead the way for UGK, Outkast, T.I. you name it. Solid delivery. I get a little tired of rappers always talking about retirement though and this is supposedly his last album. So were the last 2. However, for anyone doubting that this is where southern hip-hop got its start, he is going to prove you otherwise. Last year's album was also one of my favorites too! Stand outs inlcude "High Powered", "Forgot About Me feat. Lil Wayne and Bun B" and "Can't Get Right feat. Bilal"

6. Common: Universal Mind ControlThe critics trashed this album. They said it wasn't serious enough, lyrical enough and that he was too old to make music like this. I love it. For one thing, far too often these days no rapper will let one producer handle all of the offering. The Neptunes did this whole album, but unlike the disaster that was Electric Circus things seemed to fall perfectly into place which offered a continous sound to the album. This album is fun start to finish but without being corny. Light hearted, great for a party, nice to run with. I have nothing bad to say about this album. He even got Kanye on a song without the stupid vocoder. Stand outs include "Universal Mind Control", "Sex 4 Sugar", and "What a World feat. Chester French (straight old school Kurtis Blow)".

Friday, January 25, 2008

Apocalypse, Tupacalypse, Threepocalypse Now!

So. I think more people need to concern themselves with the inevitable robot uprising. For those uneducated on this subject check here!

Right now I think it is all peachy keen with the masses. They think it is neat that robots build our cars, think for us, pick our potatoes, etc. What they don't see is that this is all part of their plan. The robots that is. By strengthening our dependence on them we are getting weaker. I mean, look how big potato farmers used to be.

Now they look like badminton players and stuff. Anyway, I think this is just step one. Now that all the humans are soft and weak, or big and plump, we will be easy targets. The robots are going to bring down our society. The bad part is they won't even waste time enslaving us, because they are already doing all of our stuff so they don't need us. I also don't think they will use us for food because they don't eat. Although they may chew us just because it is enjoyable. That is, if they can feel or not. There are still so many unanswered questions about how or why this is going to happen. So stay tuned. I do know one thing; I don't think we should give them independent thought. That would be a bad idea.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

I Wrote Some Poems!

Hey gang, here are two poems that I just wrote now. One of them is a haiku. You know, three lines of 5-7-5. The other is a Briaku. Three lines of 7-5-7. Which I made up, because that is the area code of where I am from and I like to make things up. I also made up the name, not just the pattern.

haiku

I am in Cali!It's colder here than you think.So please pack a coat.

Briaku

This style is more versatile.Hmm. Just ponder this.Maybe they should ditch haiku!

Monday, January 21, 2008

Babies! Aliens! Real monsters?!

Yo. I am a bit confused about pregnancy. Not in the way you might think though. Like, I think I have the basics down about how it all happens and what not, but here is the part that I think is odd.

Why are pregnant people always, no matter how pregnant, rubbing their stomachs. I don't see how it could be calming. In fact, maybe it would only freak you out more, because I am sure, that even after 9 months, it still feels pretty foreign to have something growing inside of you. Almost, Alien. Which brings me to my next point.

You never saw that robot dude from Alien, or Aliens, or aliens, rubbing his robot, stomach. That is if robots even have stomachs, so let's say robot torso. He had sensors and stuff and he wasn't rubbing his. It's just odd. That is all I am saying. Then again, maybe he wasn't rubbing it with his hand, but he was feeling with his robot parts.

The Warriors

I watched The Warriors the other day. It is about gangs. Not a bad flick at all, you guys should check it out. The thing I like the most about this movie was the outfits each gang wore. Which made me wonder about organized crime.

See, I don't think it is all the well organized. Nothing says organization like matching outfits. Not only do they increase solidarity, they look scary, and people will fear you. Long story short. I think you all should watch The Warriors, if for nothing other than the sweet outfits. I also guarantee that it will be better than the series finale of that other show about gangs.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Happy New Year

Here is a little quick post for my peeps! Hopefully there will be more to come since I am about to go to San Diego for work for 3 weeks. That should force me to be in front of the computer a bit more in the evenings. I have been doing all sorts of new and exciting things. Other just being me of course. That said, I spent the New Year surrounded by friends, electronics and alcohol. Here is what the last item did to me.

P.S. This a new thing for you (film). Videos, shot in black and white like true documentary footage.