10 Nov How Winnie the Pooh’s Gender Destroyed Our Childhood

JUAN SAYS: It didn’t come as a shock when we read that Winnie the Pooh was a girl. After all these years, we never thought of him as straight. The red crop top was already a dead giveaway. But this revelation has elicited more questions about Winnie the Pooh which we think SHOULD be a addressed as soon as possible. If Winnie the Pooh was a girl, then why does he have a man’s voice? Also, what on earth is a Pooh?

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In a post from barstoolsports.com, we read this interesting comment on how this guy was gravely affected by this revelation:

Well I guess we should have seen this one coming. I mean how are we all floored by this revelation. That fucking slut Winnie doesn’t wear any pants.

Do you see a dick there? No. No you do not. I mean we’ve all been watching this dickless bear for like 100 years and we’re all shocked when it turns out she’s a chick? The bear doesn’t have a dick, folks. Having a dick is the number 1 sign you’re a dude. We probably should all have seen this coming.

Not to mention the 100 Acre Wood is one of those most gender confused places in the fucking world. I mean Piglet? What the fuck is Piglet? Piglet is apparently a dude. That is one confused little hog. Huge gayball, no doubt. I wouldn’t bat an eyelash if you told me Piglet was a chick. And how about Rabbit. Rabbit is a fucking dude. I always thought Rabbit was a chick. A nasty old spinster living alone in her hole. She’s always gardening and cooking and cleaning and shit. Total old lady moves. And apparently it’s a dude.

And don’t even get me started on Christopher fucking Robin. Caitlyn Jenner thinks Christopher Robin has gender issues.

So forgive me if I’m not shocked that Pooh is a girl. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like it one bit. Completely fucks with my whole perception of one of my favorite cartoons growing up. But I’m just saying your boy A.A. Milne clearly had some shit going on when he wrote all these characters. Shouldn’t shock anyone that W.T.P is a girl.

PS – Now Winnie The Pooh needs to lose weight. When he was a dude and he had that fat pot belly filled with hunny it was funny. Now she’s just a gross overweight slob. Clean it up, Pooh. You’re never gonna get married being fat like that.