Things In Politico That Make Me Want To Guzzle Antifreeze, Part The Infinity

Some day, when I'm in Washington, I'm going to forego one of my favorite night-time occupations, which is to take a long, lingering cab ride around the city while pretending that I'm Kevin Costner in No Way Out. Instead, I'm going to sneak over to the offices of Tiger Beat On The Potomac and spread all kinds of shiny things around on the ground. Then, I'm going to come back in the morning and watch the whole staff fight over them.

I swear to almighty god, if they thought it would get them a Drudge link, you could convince these people that the future of democracy can be found in the divination of a flight of geese, or in the abandoned skin of a snake, or somewhere in the collected works of David Brooks. Now, they are enamored of Senator Aqua Buddha and his ongoing attempt to have a lot of cake and eat a lot of it, too.

Fair or not, Ron Paul epitomized to a swath of voters the caricature of a goofy grandpa who invests in gold, stockpiles guns, sees black helicopters whirling overhead and quotes Friedrich Hayek. His ride into the sunset - combined with an evolving electorates's move away from hot-button social issues - gives a new libertarian guard the opportunity to rebrand their governing philosophy as more reasonable, serious and compatible with the Republican Party. Led by Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.), libertarians hope to become a dominant wing of the GOP by tapping into a potent mix of war weariness, economic anxiety and frustration with federal overreach in the fifth year of Barack Obama's presidency.

Yeah, whoo-hoo! New stuff. Except that, as the piece goes along, we discover that The New Hope is seeking to gain political influence by "moderating" his positions that address, well, "war weariness, economic anxiety, and frustration with federal overreach."

Rand Paul is aggressively trying to pass that test and unite the various factions. He's taken a series of steps to distance himself from his father's most unpalatable positions, from articulating a more nuanced position on the drug war to taking a harder-line on national security and more vocally professing his opposition to gay marriage and abortion. The junior Kentucky senator will give high-profile speeches in Iowa and New Hampshire this May. "Maybe he delivers the message a little bit better than I ever did," the elder Paul acknowledged.

Hey, Crazy Uncle Liberty (!). The reason he delivers the message differently is that it's...not...the...same...message. It's a new age attempt to keep another generation of dissatisfied white men in the Republican coalition without sounding like somebody who saw Jesus in the Wheatena this morning. (He sells the snake oil more smoothly than you did, and that's a fact.) In this context, "libertarianism" is a marketing device, a way to keep young bond traders comfortable within a party whose base is still snake-handlers and still stock-piling arms against the inevitable Kenyan Muslim gun-grab.

These are not your father's libertarians. The rising generation is more pragmatic than the last. They don't just want to make a point; they want seats at the table.

So, they're basically Tea Party types who'd (pragmatically) still allow the government to bust you for selling an ounce of weed but not for selling millions of dollars in trash derivatives. Got it.

Paul loyalists felt shut out by state parties in 2008. So, in 2012, they organized and used the rules to their advantage to make inroads in Republican states parties in places like Iowa, Maine, Nevada and Alaska. These insurgents recognize America has a two-party system and that they can maximize their influence by playing inside the GOP.

Who was the party's nominee again?

Now that they are inside the tent and trying to broaden their appeal, many libertarians put much less emphasis on purity. Most of the Paul boosters on the 168-member Republican National Committee, for instance, agreed in January to support the re-election of Chairman Reince Priebus over a less-qualified candidate who had backed Paul - a sign of maturity and a willingness to cooperate. "The laws force us to use the political parties, but they're totally controlled by the insiders of the two parties," the elder Paul said with some frustration. "In many ways, they're irrelevant compared to changing people's minds and attitudes."

Retaining an incompetent (and an obvious anagram) in a place of high position is "a sign of maturity" at a place like TBOTP. This explains a lot about the composition of the top of the masthead.

He recounted Richard Nixon's infamous declaration as president that "we're all Keynesians now" - an embrace of the idea that government can stimulate the economy by increasing spending. "We're all Austrians now," Paul pronounced with a sense of looming triumph, a reference to the school of economics that most values the free market.

Leaving aside the crackpot notion, implied by the writer himself, that Keynes didn't value the "free market," and the equally crackpot notion that what most conservatives want is a market that's actually free, this assertion is true only of the voices in Crazy Uncle Liberty (!)'s head, and among the people at his table for Thanksgiving. Out in what we like to call the rest of the country,most folksdo not feel particularly Austrian, not even while watching The Sound Of Music. What he and the spalpeen are selling is still tremendously unpopular, and the spalpeen knows it, which is why the spalpeen is getting all "pragmatic" in his speeches. The spalpeen is a rather gigantic bullshit artist, actually.

Libertarians have described themselves for years as part of "the liberty movement." Rep. Justin Amash (R-Mich.), a Paul disciple, wants to get away from this. It's a sizable portion of the Republican Party now," the 32-year-old rising star said. "The other parts of the party are actually shrinking, and that's been part of their trouble in recent elections...The establishment-type Republicans, the ones who have really controlled the process here for the past 10 to 20 years, are the ones who have narrowed the base to the point where we have a very difficult time winning national elections." Looking to win elections again, many in the party establishment have become more welcoming since November. Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, facing a competitive reelection in Kentucky, has hired Benton and developed a close relationship with Rand Paul.

Justin doesn't look good in camo, I'm guessing. And the kitty comes screeching from the burlap. The outreach to minority voters and to women voters has not been going well, largely because the party still has to soothe the ruffled feelings of a batch of angry old white men. But the angry old white men are dying off. What's a party to do? Well, it could shout, "Glory, hallelujah, free at last! We are finally rid of these self-destructive peckerwoods!" and broaden its appeal to a changing demographic.

Or...

It could find a way to develop a new generation of angry white men to hold off the effect of those changing demographics for as long as possible while still keeping faith with all the party's both new and traditional corporate grandperes des sucres.

In the wake of Mitt Romney's defeat last fall, even Washington Post columnist George Will said the 2016 Republican nominee needs to tilt "toward the libertarian side of the Republican Party's fusion of social and laissez-faire conservatism." Liberty for All is a Super PAC co-founded by a millionaire in his early 20s who helped freshman Rep. Thomas Massie (R-Ky.) win an upset in his primary last year with a huge infusion of cash. The founder, John Ramsey, plans to invest heavily during the 2014 cycle in state legislative races - especially in places that vote early during the presidential nominating season. The idea is to build a bench and a network to boost other libertarian candidates down the road."Let them get their feet wet," Ramsey said. "It makes a lot of sense to allow them to gain some traction early rather than just try to run for a big office right out of the box."

Even George Effing Will? Has there been a moment in the past 40 years where this guy hasn't suggested a "tilt" in that direction? Is there anyone at TBOTP who wasn't born an hour ago? Our lines are open.

Charles P. PierceCharles P Pierce is the author of four books, mostly recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

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