The trailer for Iron Man 3 has hit the web, and this moment would probably be a lot more exciting if Iron Man 2 hadn’t sucked a mild to moderate amount of donkey dicks. Nonetheless, if you hate the “dark superhero” trend, getting the master of silly, schlocky pulp (in the best way possible) Shane Black to direct this one should give you hope. Well, some hope. I’d just as soon he be directing something not about a superhero who’s in love with Gwyneth Paltrow, but there you go. It hits May 2013, with Ben Special K Kingsley playing a villain named “The Mandarin” who’s so clever he’s not even Chinese. He gets his powers from special rings, because hey, it worked for Green Lantern. Which really makes me wish one of them would shriek “Oh no, not my jewelry!” at a climactic moment. Never happens though.

Marvel’s “The Iron Man 3″ pits brash-but-brilliant industrialist Tony Stark/Iron Man against an enemy whose reach knows no bounds. When Stark finds his personal world destroyed at his enemy’s hands, he embarks on a harrowing quest to find those responsible. This journey, at every turn, will test his mettle. With his back against the wall, Stark is left to survive by his own devices, relying on his ingenuity and instincts to protect those closest to him. As he fights his way back, Stark discovers the answer to the question that has secretly haunted him: does the man make the suit or does the suit make the man?

Poor Tony Stark obviously never made the leap from “there’s a 100 people who want to kill me” to “maybe I shouldn’t have my factory/house/lair/place where my girlfriend sleeps perched on a giant precarious cliff hanging over the ocean.”

All even vaguely ethnic characters (world-devouring space-god is an ethnicity, right?) are written with Ben Kingsley in mind. It’s really just a question of scheduling conflicts with the latest Uwe Boll film.

Despite Shane Black being awesome, I was really getting sort of a Spiderman 3, trying to include too much vibe from this up till now, but at least now I know this is going to be sweet to look at if nothing else. However, *pushes up glasses, reinstitutes virginity* I still wish they had just done Extremis as a standalone story. Something about the structure of that comic would just translate perfectly to a movie.

I can’t wait for the Avengers 2 to come out so the new wave of superhero movies collapse under the weight of ridiculous plots and kitsch as the sequel numbers climb higher and higher. The movies are gonna slowly start to fall into the same idiotic tropes that plague comic books; unkillable characters (good and bad, Mickey Rourke’s still alive and waiting for the sequel!), ridiculous villains and heroes that spout puns based on their powers, the inevitable environmental awareness movie released on Earth Day.

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