Author
Topic: Dear Mr. The Doktor Howl: (Read 1494 times)

While your proposal is creative, we regret to inform you that our company will be unable to assist you in your "topograhical reassignment" of the greater Washington DC area. Your proposed designs to use our drilling and hydrofracturing technologies to create a series of small-scale earthquakes that would spell out the entire First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States in the form of miniature mountain ranges is, unfortunately, not in line with our company's mission.

We should point out that, if we are reading your charts correctly, your plans require exploiting fault zones that are deeper than any such faults that have been mapped previously. As we do not have access to, nor have ever heard of, the proposed "HIMEOBS-grade drilling apparatus" you refer to on page 13, we could not reach these fault zones even if we were assured of their presence.

Additionally, we have found no records of the credentials, or even the existence, of your recommended "on-site supervisory experts." We have been unable to locate the people you refer to on page 24 as "Signor Richtedor" and "ECH Consulting, LLC."

In summary, we are sorry that we cannot help you in achieving your goals. We wish you the best of luck in all future endeavors.

While your proposal is creative, we regret to inform you that our company will be unable to assist you in your "topograhical reassignment" of the greater Washington DC area. Your proposed designs to use our drilling and hydrofracturing technologies to create a series of small-scale earthquakes that would spell out the entire First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States in the form of miniature mountain ranges is, unfortunately, not in line with our company's mission.

We should point out that, if we are reading your charts correctly, your plans require exploiting fault zones that are deeper than any such faults that have been mapped previously. As we do not have access to, nor have ever heard of, the proposed "HIMEOBS-grade drilling apparatus" you refer to on page 13, we could not reach these fault zones even if we were assured of their presence.

Additionally, we have found no records of the credentials, or even the existence, of your recommended "on-site supervisory experts." We have been unable to locate the people you refer to on page 24 as "Signor Richtedor" and "ECH Consulting, LLC."

In summary, we are sorry that we cannot help you in achieving your goals. We wish you the best of luck in all future endeavors.

Sincerely,TerraTech Industries, Inc.

Dear Corporate Swine,

I just now received this in the mail. It was soggy and hard to read, which is probably because I piss in the mailbox before opening it, to defuse bombs sent by my admirers.

In any case, I assure you that there is no such thing as "HIMEOBS-grade" boring tools. That part of the request was probably caused by my ungrateful children putting LSD in my breakfast cereal again. Mind you, this was back when I could eat REAL FOOD, and was more easily fooled.

In any case, I have decided that the country doesn't need the first amendment. They have come right out and said so. Instead, I'd like to frack in Beverly Hills. Send me a quote.

While your proposal is creative, we regret to inform you that our company will be unable to assist you in your "topograhical reassignment" of the greater Washington DC area. Your proposed designs to use our drilling and hydrofracturing technologies to create a series of small-scale earthquakes that would spell out the entire First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States in the form of miniature mountain ranges is, unfortunately, not in line with our company's mission.

We should point out that, if we are reading your charts correctly, your plans require exploiting fault zones that are deeper than any such faults that have been mapped previously. As we do not have access to, nor have ever heard of, the proposed "HIMEOBS-grade drilling apparatus" you refer to on page 13, we could not reach these fault zones even if we were assured of their presence.

Additionally, we have found no records of the credentials, or even the existence, of your recommended "on-site supervisory experts." We have been unable to locate the people you refer to on page 24 as "Signor Richtedor" and "ECH Consulting, LLC."

In summary, we are sorry that we cannot help you in achieving your goals. We wish you the best of luck in all future endeavors.

Sincerely,TerraTech Industries, Inc.

Dear Corporate Swine,

I just now received this in the mail. It was soggy and hard to read, which is probably because I piss in the mailbox before opening it, to defuse bombs sent by my admirers.

In any case, I assure you that there is no such thing as "HIMEOBS-grade" boring tools. That part of the request was probably caused by my ungrateful children putting LSD in my breakfast cereal again. Mind you, this was back when I could eat REAL FOOD, and was more easily fooled.

In any case, I have decided that the country doesn't need the first amendment. They have come right out and said so. Instead, I'd like to frack in Beverly Hills. Send me a quote.

Sincerely,Martin Bormann

Dear Mr Bormann,

There has been some restructuring of things here at The Company since last we spoke. In fact, I am very glad indeed to have the opportunity to touch base with you, as there were clearly some missed opportunities that we would like to make good on. Can't leave "money on the table," as they say. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Please be aware that our corporate entity has since merged with and joined The Good FolksTM and will be glad to receive your future proposals. We will consider everything that crosses our desk. Nothing is out of scope, and if it is out of scope, we will Find The Money anyway.