Lisa Lampanelli, Penthouse Pet Talk Yin/Yang Dating & Your Sex Life

I believe all humans fall into one of two categories: You're either a "sperm" person, or you're an "egg" person. It's the classic Yin/Yang principal, but put in sexier terms.

For those of you needing a refresher in Eastern philosophy: "Yin/Yang is a dualistic philosophy of passive and active, good and bad, light and dark, positive and negative, male and female, etc., and that they are in opposition, each is part of the whole and works together."

My friend Dr. Pat Allen is a psychotherapist, motivation specialist, TV and radio personality, relationship expert, best-selling author, and even has a PhD. She has a proven relationship theory that stems from Freud and Jungian psychology and revolves around the concept of yin/yang, the Chinese version of quantum physics.

Personally, I get confused as to which is yin and which is yang, so that's why I came up with a more simple egg/sperm philosophy to help explain it. The terms are relatively self-explanatory: The egg is feminine energy and the sperm is masculine energy, but your sex doesn't determine your cosmic force. Men can be egg people and women most definitely can be sperm people.

Aggression issues? You might be a sperm.

Sperm people are aggressors by nature. They go out; they conquer, they dominate. Egg people are passive and laid back; they're receptive to change and give in to the shit that sperm people care about.

I believe that the most successful combo for a relationship is the pairing of an egg person and a sperm person. To avoid a stalemate someone has to give in. You can't make it work with two sperm people or two egg people. Sperm people will constantly battle each other to be in control, whereas neither egg person will want to make a decision.

Recently on The Single Life podcast, I interviewed "insult comic" Lisa Lampanelli, as famous for banging black guys as she is her celebrity roast appearances on TV. We discussed my "Sperm and Egg" theory.

She's married to a man she calls, "Jimmy Big Balls." When she first saw his balls, which she calls "Horrifying," Lisa says: "Wow - when did I get a beanbag chair? It looks like that thing a hobo ties on a stick and puts over his shoulder."

(I can relate, lady. I've had those before and they are scary. But that's another article.)

Lampanelli also admits that Jimmy Big Balls is an egg person and that he's the perfect fit for her sperm personality. See, Lisa and I are both sperm people; we are Alpha females who are used to getting our way.

But unlike Lisa, I've notoriously been attracted to guys like me, other sperms. But these relationships never seem to work out. My buddy, Dr. Pat, says my perfect match is an egg because he'd let me take on the sperm role and make all the decisions, yet still allow me to feel feminine in the process. That would be the perfect yin to my yang.

Do you tend to keep quiet until it counts? You're probably an egg.

Lampanelli went on to explain her relationship dynamic with Mr. Big Balls:

"Egg guys will bend to you in matters that don't matter that much...only to us. But on the tough stuff [they] will be like, 'You know what, this is really important to me.' If it's a really important issue and it's something [they] really want, egg people will still stick up for themselves. But it's not like they're going to fight us on every little thing. They pick their battles and we don't. Everything to us is a battle. So it's just like, we need to pick a guy that will fight [us] on the important stuff and that will put [us] in [our] place. They know what to let roll off their back[s], where we let nothing roll off our back[s]."

Not sure which one you are? Take this easy quiz to help you figure out your egg vs. sperm identity:

1. Do you need to always be right?

Yes (Sperm)

No (Egg)

2. Would you rather be respected or cherished?

Respected (Sperm)

Cherished (Egg)

3. Do you prefer giving or receiving?

Giving (Sperm)

Receiving (Egg)

4. Do you flirt by looking into the eyes and smiling or by talking first?

Looking into the eyes and smiling (Egg)

Talking first (Sperm)

5. Would you rather protect someone or be protected?

Protect someone (Sperm)

Be protected (Egg)

Now that you know what type of person you are, seek out your perfect polar opposite and you'll have a harmonious partner for life.

Lisa Lampanelli is lucky she found hers. "For the most part he's really accommodating and cool, so I think it's finding that 'combination guy' out there," she says.

Hey, calling all eggs (looking to nest) - this sperm is looking to dominate!