Trusted D.C. Source Says GOP Congressman Aaron Schock Is Gay

Well look: Firstly, we do not really want to be in the “outing the gay people” business. But that does happen in Washington with the Republican senators and congressman every few months, so it seems we’re on that beat for the time being. Plus, this guy is a pro-torture creep who very aggressively fought against the protection of hate-crimes legislation for homosexuals attacked for being homosexuals, which happens a lot.

We are ashamed to say we have not heard of this Rep. Aaron Schock. If you only read Wonkette, you could be forgiven for thinking the only congressperson in America is that scary witch lady, Michele Bachmann. So let’s google him. Ohhhhh, look what comes up first:

I’m sorry, but that last picture *screams* gay. It is a sad fact of America 2011 that straight guys never look that good. There are lots of sexy details here: [Princess Sparkle Pony]

Yes, he is gay. Lindsey Graham said his dick tasted like shit. *poof* positive

Beowoof

Well tastings after buttsecks shouldn't count.

Not_So_Much

He looks like he had a thriving career as a RentBoy before congress. Definitely not a RINO — he's committed to the party values.

mourningnmerica

I remember the first time I ever heard that joke, about 20 years ago. My brother told it to me on the phone, and I laughed for 20 minutes. You are a very bad girl for telling it. Remind me never to invite you to my mom's house.

Barb

What the….?!? Now I am banned from Mom's house?

prommie

You are my new hero.

Troubledog

I won't believe it until I see the denials.

nounverb911

Better get your tickets to Egypt then.

CrankyLttlCamperette

Sorry, even in DC, being a Representative doesn't count as a Major League Sport…

OSTENSIBLY heterosexual men in the South dress that way. Seemingly heterosexual men, men who purport to be heterosexual dress that way, in the south. But really, are they?

TheMeatmaker

Bringing Bella Abzug as his date to the party is a big clue.

elviouslyqueer

Good lord above. Even I don't have outfits that gay. And let's face it, I'm gayer than a Larry Craig-Lindsey Graham-Barney Frank-Mark Foley circle jerk.

Biel_ze_Bubba

Christ …. where does one even FIND such clothing? I live in NYC, and I'm pretty sure I'd have to mail order that outfit — probably from a semi-creepy website.

prommie

I feel safe in declaring that the gayest outfit ever in the history of the universe. Thats gayer than if he wore nothing but leather chaps and a Chipendale Dancer clamped to his back and actively penetrating his sphincter.

hagajim

Schock likes cock! No surprise there.

Doktor Zoom

Look, sweetie, I like a pun as much as anyone, but you can't really call it ""the Schocker" if all the fingers end up "in the stink." Yes, I still love you.

My best friend and I used to play this game called "Me, if I'm not careful' in which you see someone who could be you if you gained weight, dressed like an idiot etc but they have to look vaguely like you, sort of your worst nightmare, well that woman in the hat is "Me if I'm not careful".

mourningnmerica

Liz, I'll have to trust you. I tried to look, but the pants were just too fuckin' bright.

FrenchTwist40

Were your friend's initials CM by any chance?

Limeylizzie

Oh my god..who are you? Cathy?

FrenchTwist40

No, but I know Cathy quite well, and have played "Me If I'm Not Careful" with her many times! Small world, isn't it?

x111e7thst

He's still gay? But I'm sure Dr Marcus Bachman cured him..

horsedreamer_1

The GOP needs to spin this to their advantage. Here is how: outside Barney Frank, have the Democrats elected a gay* to Congress? No. Meanwhile, the GOP has had Steve Gunderson, Mark Foley, Larry Craig… Now, Schock. All the gays are belong to them, the Gay Old Party.

*Tammy Baldwin excepted, as she is a woman, something for which the GOP, gay or straight, does not care a wit.

thebeatgoeson

David Cicciline, who won Patrick Kennedy's vacated seat in RI, is openly gay.

tihond

Herb Kohl?

Doktor Zoom

Jim Kolbe, R-AZ, who held the 8th district seat before Gabby Giffords did. Pretty decent guy, and one of the few R's that I voted for more than once (Consistently pro-choice, though his vote for DOMA was a bad idea–and led to his being outed). Needless to say, he wouldn't have a chance in today's GOP.

horsedreamer_1

Sarah Palin would have used a balloon-knot to target his district, rather than a bull's eye surveyor's mark.

Fare la Volpe

Jared Polis (D-CO) was the first openly gay man elected to a freshman term. Frank outed himself after he was elected, but Polis was out when he was running.

Of course, the fact that Jared is a multi-millionaire had nothing to do with his historic victory.

Can anyone explain this abundance of closeted gay Republicans? Is it some sort of self loathing fetish? Can we blame their parents? I mean blame them for being Republican not gay. I don't get it. It's like they want to be publicly spanked. Jesus man! Why areyou hanging out with a crowd that thinks you need a lobotomy to cure your gayness?

emmelemm

SERIOUSLY. What is with these sons of bitches? I mean, if you want to "deny" your gayness and pretend to the world you're straight, well, I guess you're entitled to do that. But what is with these *clearly* gay guys, not just in U.S. Congress, but in local governments everywhere, who have atrocious records of voting against gay rights and eventually end up being outed? What could possibly be going on in their minds to be so hateful, and to actively work to marginalize a group that they, in fact, belong to??

Ugh. Not funny. Sorry.

DaRooster

Duckettes…

Dudleydidwrong

Freud called it "reaction formation." I think it is just fucking hypocrisy. Maybe they're one-in-the-same. (where's that old APA manual?)

Boojum_Reborn

They heard they might get attacked by some leathertrade if they were against it.

horsedreamer_1

They love money. & know they won't be able to come to the fore in the money-loving party if they don't toe the rest of the party line. Is why God created Beards.*

*The desire of a woman to be in a loveless marriage — a marriage without physical love, specifically — is hard to explain as well. Must have to allocate a lot of money to buy batteries.

Lionel[redacted]Esq

But does he have a wide stance? And if a threatening Black man stood next to him in a public restroom, would he offer him $20 to blow him?

BaldarTFlagass

As the guy in Layer Cake said, "Fucking females is for poofs."

justkillmenow

The people of Peoria, who elected this guy, are not suprised.

user-of-owls

After a considerable bout of laughter and ridicule, the brutes at Ellis Island agreed (for a sum) to change the original Old Country "C" to an "Sch."

Callyson

Again, upfists for everyone to make up for DF Troll. Who, come to think of it, could probably use a good upfisting…

Revisionist history starts with you! When teh gayz are finally granted the rights every other American has, and the notion is overwhelmingly popular and accepted, the GOP will be able to take credit for having the courage to be secretly gay, with the people, unlike those elitist dems, being all straight and giving away tax breaks to the richest 1%.