Three months after her widely reported suicide attempt, Teen Mom star Amber Portwood is now opening up for the first time and in a shocker, she reveals she is “still suicidal.”

While talking to E! News, Amber, 21, reveals she was rushed to the hospital last Wednesday after suffering a severe panic attack. “I couldn’t breathe and I passed out,” says Amber. “I stopped breathing.”

Amber, who continues to make tabloid headlines with baby daddy Gary Shirley, then goes on to state she is still having a hard time despite spending weeks at a rehab facility in Malibu.

“Honestly, I feel like I did two months ago. I’m still suicidal,” Amber reveals. “I’m f–king depressed. My family’s not together.”

Amber goes on to add that she is very upset at all the tabloid headlines, most notably the recent Life & Style magazine cover story which stated she is choosing partying over spending time with her 2-year-old daughter Leah. The mag even managed to get quotes from Amber’s own brother Shawn Portwood who stated that Amber “enjoys her freedom too much right now.”

“What hurts me the most is when people believe the lies about me,” Amber tells E! News. “The bullying is too much to handle. Look at the rate of teen deaths related to bullying. It’s scary.”

Amber also makes it clear that she doesn’t have a drinking problem and that she did not go to rehab for such. “I went to rehab for depression and anger management, not drug or alcohol abuse,” says Amber. “I have been out twice since I left rehab and I’m 21. I take my medication the way I’m supposed to.” Amber revealed last year that she suffers from bipolar disorder.

As for not seeing her daughter Leah, Amber reveals she agreed to let Gary have custody in other “to keep CPS off our backs.” She adds that she tries to see her daughter as often as she’s allowed. “I see Leah whenever I can. I have stipulations as to when I can and can’t see her.”