Goodbye my baby girl

At 2:33 AM, on Feb 20, 2013. my little girl pasted into glory due to complications of a miscarriage. To say her death a shock is a understatement. I'm still reeling from it. She was so excited about her new baby. They had just named him the day before. That's all she talked about the whole day. She was finally going to have herself a baby boy, As much as she loved her 16 month old daughter Diana, she has always wanted a boy.

She woke up the day before complaining of a back ache and feeling kinda weak. But she did have a OB GYN appointment that morning. So were not to concerned. Heck. her mother had so many back aches during all her pregnancies. And the doc gave her a clean bill of heath. saying the baby's heartbeat was strong and steady. But by the afternoon. she started to look a pale. and her back hurt worse. and she could barely walk. We finally convinced her to go to the ER around 3 pm. by 4:30 she was in the ICU where doctors tried their best to stabilize her. But despite their efforts. she continue to slip. About 10, they rushed into surgery. at 12:16 they pronounced my grandson dead and removed him. During which Shannan's heart stopped for about 1 1/2 minutes. The doctors brought her back and placed in ICU where her heart stopped again for almost 2 minutes. The doctor pulled me and the husband aside and informed us that her brain not received sufficient blood and had suffered damage. And asked that if her heart stopped again. Did we want to resuscitate. That's when the husband "Darrell" just broke down and lost it and turned to me. And I had to make the hardest decision a parent could have to make. So, for the third time in my life. I informed the doctor not to. Knowing that whatever came back would not be my little girl.

After I filled out the DNR forms, I had my oldest boy Paul to call the rest of the family and have them gather at Sha's side. Sadly, not everyone made it. The grandmother had just arrived when Shannan heart stopped for the finally time and she went to be with her baby.

Her death has completely thrown me for a loop. I haven't even been able to write about it till now. for last couple weeks I've just going through the motions of living. No real motivation at all. just going day by day. I'm no stranger to death. I buried my grandfather, my father, my wife, and now my daughter and grandson. But unlike the other times. This was so sudden. I had time to prepare for the other. Had time to steady myself. This was like a sucker punch that knocks you off your feet. But I'm slowly getting back on my feet. Thanks to my support group of a very understanding girlfriend. With her help and God's grace. I'll pull through.