The Binging and Purging Cycle - Regain Control of Your Bulimia

Many times bulimics are raised in families that are poor role models of how to express or allow our emotions.

Feelings are Foreign

Most people who suffer with bulimia have trouble
recognizing, much less talking about, their feelings, or they feel they have to
keep their negative thoughts to themselves.
Many times bulimics are raised in families that are poor role models of
how to express or allow our emotions. In
my family, all I can remember growing up was hearing my parents fighting all
the time. In order to cope I told myself
it wasn’t ok to get upset and be angry with other people. I hid away and didn’t
know how to express negative feelings like anger, frustration and
disagreement.

Depending upon the unwritten rules in the family, someone
suffering from bulimia is often unsure how to express their feelings. In fact,
not only do women with bulimia often not know how to express their emotions,
deep down they often have trouble identifying what they are actually
feeling. A bulimic might assume because she knows no
other way that her feelings are bad and she’s a bad person for having these
feelings.

Disconnect From Self

In order to cope with feeling badly about having negative
feelings, bulimics may disconnect themselves from their feelings. In fact, they disconnect themselves from their
senses and no longer recognize signals from their own body. Hunger and fullness become foreign, not to
mention the disconnection from most things pleasurable, too.

After a bulimic disconnects herself from feeling the
sensations of her body she eventually becomes disconnected from her self.
Her mind becomes separated from her self. She loses her connection with her physical, emotional
and spiritual selves. Avoiding this
sense of separateness can drive her further into her addiction and cause her to
disconnect herself more and more to the people around her, as well.

Out of Control

Begin to picture a woman with bulimia as adrift, lost and
disconnected from the self she once knew.
Feelings of insecurity, incompleteness, lack and emptiness creep in and
grow stronger the longer the binging and purging
comes between her and her feelings.
Often women suffering with bulimia say they feel empty, depressed,
unmotivated and powerless over their addiction and the world in general.

The cycle of binging and purging
leads to more and more disconnection from themselves, their physical bodies and
they stop recognizing their own feelings.
Their inner self hungers to connect, but their outer self hungers to fit
in, be liked, and please others. Their
eating disorder leaves them only more empty and alone inside with every
episode.

Bulimia only appears to solve their problems. It’s a temporary fix. A quick high.
After the binge is over and the food is purged, life comes rushing back
in. On the tail of the purge lives even
more guilt and shame at continuing to allow this behavior to continue. No wonder bulimia can leave you feeling so
out of control.

The Thinking (Eating) Disorder

I’ve heard bulimia referred to as the thinking
disorder. There’s no doubt in my 20
years of living with bulimia that was sure true for me. The never ending battle with negative
thoughts about my body, what I ate, never being good enough and always trying
to measure up to some unreachable ideal I set for myself. Therapists talk about how the mind of someone
with bulimia is constantly spinning – going over and over negative thoughts to
no end. This constant loop of
compulsive thinking keeps you from hearing anything else in the world, much
less your own inner guidance.

The thinking, or over-thinking, that goes into every element
of hiding an eating disorder – the lies, the deceit, and the avoidance - can be
overwhelming. All of the planning that’s
involved in buying massive quantities of food, hiding out while eating and
finding ways to cover up the purging or over exercise can be exhausting.

Challenging Thought Patterns

Part of letting go of bulimia is turning around all the
negative thinking into supportive, empowering thoughts that rebuild your
self-esteem. Becoming aware of the
negative patterns when they appear is part of the work in recovery. Retraining
the brain to actually focus on the positive can seem quite challenging at
first, but it’s like a fly wheel and once you get it started can quickly take
on momentum.

The overwhelm that bulimics feel arising from their disconnection
to self, negative thought patterns and all of the work that goes into covering
up their eating disorder can be turned around with effective bulimia treatments. Getting help with bulimia is a first step
to regaining control of your mind, your life and your future.

Comments

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missgemmacox 3 years ago

Dear Polly,

Am so happy to have stumbled upon this. Having reached almost 10 years of Bulimia, I am at the stage whereby I recognise the mind challenges and the thought processes I need to work on. I have seen a psychologist and she is helping and I am channeling my attention to self development. I have just started getting heartburn badly (the other issues are present - skin conditions, lethargy, bloating etc) but this highlighted again the damages. Thank you for such an informative information post - cannot thank you enough for providing useful and relevant information and help. I have just seen it today and already feel some clarity from it. Many thanks,