I hesitated.
I have not taken any photos for three months. There were times when I took
photos everyday. Then once a week. Once a month. Then only few times in 2-3
months.

I used to
have the passion. When I had it, the camera was within reach. I would take
photos of anything or anyone that caught my attention. But then slowly, without
myself realizing it, the passion fade away.

It is not
like I lost interest on photography. It is just that as I found myself losing
every faith, hope, courage and dream out of depression, I lost my passions as
well.

Well, I
brought my camera as requested.

“These are
the names of the kids that you need to take their photos” about an hour later
he came to me “I need to go out for awhile but I will be back in the
afternoon”.

Say what??, I thought nervously.You gonna leave me alone to do the job?? You
gotta be kidding me!!.

I didn’t say
anything though. Didn’t object. Didn’t show him any sign of my nervousness. He believed that I could do the
job well while me, due to that darn depression, have doubts. Could I do this
well?. Have I still have the passion? Or have I lost the touch?.

In this recovering period from depression, I was like
needing back up batteries. And having the people that I know well, people who sincerely really care for me are like having
spare batteries. Just having them around me makes me feel protected and therefore I can survive anything.

Anyway, Sunday has
always been busy moment for some people. So was he and my other friends. It was not the time for me to act selfish so I
took a deep breath and thought of what my boyfriend told me,‘Hold on. You are not going to break. You are unbreakable. Nothing and
no one can break you’.

I was hoping
my friend would be there by my side when I took photos of those kids but since he couldn’t, well, I would have to do
that by myself and I was not going to break by that.

But then
seeing the kids looked nervous when they faced me and my camera despite the jokes I
made in order to make them feel at ease and would look natural, I thought it
was actually me who felt so nervous. I was the one who took the photos, I had
to look at ease infront of them, shining like a bright sun in dark cloudy day,
acted as a happy person, fun and full of jokes to make them felt comfortable
when they posed infront of my camera at the time I felt so damn nervous because
I worried I couldn’t make good photos.

Depression
made me lost my nerve and my self-confidence. I knew I had to overcome them. I had to pull myself back together. I must stand
tall, strong and tough again but darn, it is really a battle.

A battle that
I won.

I looked over
those photos when I edited them in the evening. They actually are not bad. I sighed in relief. I have not lost my touch. It
is still in me. I need to bring out every positive things in me that life,
people, hardship and depression have tried to suppress.

I know I will
survive this. I have gone through so many hardship, some even worst than this so if I could survive them, I certainly
can survive this one.

“… it is just
a phase that you have to go through lately, … just hold on, baby. You will be okay”, said my boyfriend.

Santa Claus is Rockin

Pray (Sam Smith)

Better Days (Hedley)

Heaven (Justin B)

Baby Shark (Dance by Niana & Ranz)

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Who is Keke?

I am a person whose life is full of surprises. Have a degree in banking management but after spending about 11 years moving from one office job to another, I ended up teaching in kindergarten from 2005 to 2011. Due to some reason I had to resign from that kindergarten as I have got myself.. yep, another office job. Something that I never thought I would do again for a living. Writing in this blog continues though. I just want you to know what is this former kindergarten teacher does & thinks after she resigned from her teaching post. I like my present job but I know I am a teacher. One day I will teach in school again.