Courtesy of Steven and Tamara. Thanks guys! That package could not have come at a better time. Food has been scarce lately and with the hitches back (meaning there are 33 people again for 4 days) it's been even worse.

I have been thinking a lot about the things that I love about this place. The things that I will miss. What makes me happy right now.

I'd like to list those thing if you don't mind.

My brain needs an exercise like this.

1. Waking up to silver and gold mornings in my cabin in the woods

2. Snuggling under my two mom-made blankets in my cabin in the woods

3. Sunlit drive through the towering pines

4. Back-road drives through the mountains of New Hampshire

5. Hikes on needle bedded trails

6. All the new friends I have made

7. Free food

8. $3.50 movies

9. The Hooksett Library

10. The Hooksett Post Office

11. A giant kitchen at my disposal

12. Surety

13. Sparkling ponds surrounded by evergreens

14. Cute little towns on the river

15. Feeling like I work a real job

As this internship ends, tings become unsure. I would be lying if I said I wasn't afraid of the uncertain future ahead of me. I'm terrified. I could say I have time, but I really don't. Another week is gone. I only have 3 and 1/2 weeks left of programs. Then it's practically the end. Just over a month and I am home.

I still don't know if I will be driving or if I will be flying. I have not gotten any new word from the Maine Conservation Corps. Lately I have been rethinking decisions. Perhaps the MCC is not what I should do next with my life. Perhaps it is. Good, better best, and all that. It's hard knowing for sure. I sent them an e-mail and tried to call them yesterday and left a voice-mail. I will call again on Monday. That's about all I can do.

In preparation for their denial of me, I have been looking for other job opportunities. For example-though I know the job is likely very competitive, I have almost finished my application for a full time position with the St. Louis Zoo.

What?!? Full time??? Really? Sarah Lambson is thinking about a full time job?

Yes. Maybe that is what I really need. I kept telling myself that I wanted nothing permanent the Peace Corps could remain an option. Nothing permanent in case I wanted to go to grad school somewhere far away. But there was an open position and I thought, "haven't I wanted to work/intern at the St. Louis Zoo for years? Wouldn't that be a dream job?". Maybe not. And I am in no way holding out a whole lot of hope. In a message I sent to my former Bob Evans manager I asked if I could have a job when I get home in case that is my only option. That way I have something to help me make money until the next step comes into view.

Along with trying to figure out my future I have been looking to the past. Remember Mary Morris (Now Mary Tebbs)? Remember Kristene Vance (Now Kristene Walk)? Remember Sapphire Hodges (Still Sapphire Hodges)? They left their childhood on every acre...wait. This is not a Billy Joel song.

Anyway, remember them? I have been recently. I have also been thinking just how much of an impact they had on my life. I realize that not keeping in touch with them is a pretty poor way of showing appreciation. So I sent messages to them in hopes that I can re-forge some old ties. I know I can't have those glory years of pretending to be a Jedi or imagining that my bike is a pony. I can't recreate the past but I can try to make a future where these friends are still in my life.

I am excited to come home soon. But I am also sad, scared, anxious, unsure, and worried.

But I am also in a better place spiritually than I have been in a long time and I couldn't ask for more than that, really.

Thank you, Family, for supporting my though all this so far and continuing to do so.

On that good note, it's time to take care of my freezing hands and full bladder.

Reading

Anthill-E.O. Wilson

Winter World-Bernd Heinrich

Shows (Current)

Awake

Once Upon A Time

Psych

New Girl

Happy Endings

Parks and Recreation

The Office

Me A Pirate?

My pirate name is:

Mad Dog Bonney

Part crazy, part mangy, all rabid, you're the pirate all the others fear might just snap soon. You can be a little bit unpredictable, but a pirate's life is far from full of certainties, so that fits in pretty well. Arr!