feeling lonely (and why it’s okay)

I’m writing this on a Sunday night again (even though I’m posting on a Monday), for some reason my inner-most thoughts always seem to come out at this time.

For the past few weeks I’ve actually felt mentally stable for the first time in my life, and it’s been absolutely amazing. When I first started experiencing it I wasn’t all that sure of what it was – happiness, contentment? I then I realised it was just stability. Like my brain had finally for the first time in its life just stopped for a second, it had stopped going at 100mph and had just come to a stand still to breathe and take in the world around it, and it’s honestly been the nicest feeling ever.

I don’t know completely why this happened (though I have a few ideas) but I’m fully embracing it and accepting that this is the way I want to carry on for the rest of my life, I’ve somehow randomly overnight been given a new brain and I want to keep this new brain now forever – this new mindset. I think it mostly came about because I let go of a lot of the things and a lot of the people that were suffocating me, and not enabling me to be who I really was – the person that I wanted to be. Since throwing all of that away I’ve started fresh and now there’s no pressure on me to be anything at all but myself, so my mind has just completely changed.

I haven’t written in my main journal for a couple of months now I think (I say main journal because I have about 5 and they’re all dedicated to different things – let me know if you want a journal tour?!??) but the reason for that is because I’ve been writing everything I would normally write there on here and in other places. The reason I’m writing this is because right now in this moment I feel a bit lonely, and I know that tomorrow when I wake up the feeling will be gone and it’s not something I’m going to have to wallow in for the next however many weeks, but normally I’d write things like this in my journal and because you guys seem to like it when I just talk to you about how I’m feeling, I thought I’d write it here instead – also helping me to feel a little less lonely since I know you guys are going to read it and therefore, I’m not just talking into the void.

I’m feeling disconnected from people at the minute because not going to lie, they’re probably not the people I need to be speaking to. My best friend is uber busy at the minute and so we’ve barely spoken for a while, and the only other people I really talk to are guys – they’re all amazingly lovely but just not the people I need right now, I’m trying to figure out who I am by myself, grow and become the best Chloe possible and also learn about the world around me – you know? Aka, not getting into a relationship, it’s just something I’m absolutely not interested in right now and to be honest I never really have been. When I say things like this I always wonder if there’s something wrong with me even though I know there’s not, I just generally couldn’t care about things like that right now, it’s not even on my radar. I want to grow and flourish and experience and learn and I dunno, just be my own person. So again, feeling a little disconnected from people because I’m like “ha yes, you’re really lovely but I’m only interested in being friends with you, and I don’t think our friendship could involve talking about feminism and the conspiracies of the universe” – get what I’m saying? I wrote a post before about finding friends and feeling alone and I still fully agree with everything I wrote in that post however, now with this new brain I’ve suddenly been given, (thanks universe), I don’t feel like I’m necessarily desperately searching for other people because I know they’ll come into my life when the timing is right, I just wish I could meet someone literally around where I live and we could hang out and I could share all of this with them, you know? I feel like if I’ve got this 100% magic within me, I could then embark on that with someone else and then we’re just in this huge creative bubble just multiplying the magic and experiencing so much stuff together and supporting each other and creating and just yeah, get what I mean? I wish there was a dating app but for friendships instead where you could just seek out people in your area and match with them based on what you’re interested in (note: I’m aware things like this have been created but the ones currently on offer all look a little odd to me).

I think what I’m saying is I just wish I had someone to connect with that was closer to home, pretty much everyone I speak to / am friends with doesn’t live near me, so I can’t hang out with them, and I literally just wanna be like HEY COME OVER I HAVE ALL THESE BOOKS I WANNA SHOW YOU AND THIS NEW VINYL RECORD I BOUGHT AND WOW LET’S GO THRIFT SHOPPING AND WEAR THOSE COOL OUTFITS AND THEN HAVE AN IMPROMPTU PHOTOSHOOT ON TOP OF A CAR PARK AND THEN LET’S COOK SOME VEGAN FOOD AND SIT UP ‘TIL 3AM LOOKING AT THE SKY AND TALKING ABOUT WHO WE LOVE AND THE UNIVERSE.

Yanno?

Anyway, I thought I’d just put this out here onto my little corner of the internet, and it’s passed some time whilst I’ve been writing anyway because I’m pretty sure it’s been 40 minutes since I started writing on this (though it definitely didn’t feel that long).

Hope you’re all having a great day loves and thank you for listening to me rambling on about my messy thoughts (again).

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54 thoughts on “feeling lonely (and why it’s okay)”

Sometimes being alone with your own thoughts and having “me time”, can be so rewarding. It can help charge your batteries and give you the confidence when you come out of your bubble making you ready to be with others. So yes it is okay and we should all do it. But anyone who is too lonely for too long we should all be there to support and assist with valued friendship.

I think there’s a great difference between being alone and being lonely, and it’s just learning about the fine line between them. Once it gets a little too much it’s no longer healthy and yes I agree – we should support each other with friendship. Thank you for reading!

I heard that Bumble can be an app to make friends too. I might try it. I have no problem making friends who live far away but they never turn into actual close friendships because of distance. I told myself now, that if I am going to try then they need to be local people. I’m feeling incredibly lonely having moved to a new city and my confidence is bad. I lost my best friend due to a falling out and I’m still hurting. Ik that the only way to truly move on is to create a better life than what I had before. It’s just so hard having 0 friends now and one close friend who is never available because I moved and she has major social anxiety.

that’s the problem I have too – everyone is always too far away! I think we just have to try our best, sometimes we need to help ourselves out a little by putting ourselves out there but I think even little things like making friends via blogging is still a great way to be social and interact with people. we will find our way xx

Dating apps are a tough one because I too use them sometimes for companionship as such but obviously, that’s not what everyone else is on there for! Though the nature of the app is already a given, so I don’t know why I find myself surprised. Thank you for reading – I hope you find your people soon x

Love this one so much 💕 I also feel lonely sometimes. You have a friend in me. I really wish we can meet one day and talk about life, universe and just anything. I love that kind of deep conversations so much.

First off, I am shocked that when I saw this, it showed up on my feed even though it was from a while back. That being said, this post really spoke to me, and I felt compelled to comment. For the longest time, most of high school, I resonated with this post all too entirely. I felt so alone and it made me uncofortable ​from a lot of different perspectives. I became very closed off because most people I encountered were fake. As time progressed, a lot of changes happened in my life, not always positive, that lead me to feel even more isolated. However, there was so much growth in these moments that I did not even realize until after I had passed this moment in my life. The good news is things do get better, ​and people will begin to show up that you never expected would be there for you. I have seen this from my experiences, and I know you will look back one day and feel so relieved. Blessings! Xoxo I am always willing to talk if you ever want a friend!

Sometimes I feel this way with certain posts and think…maybe it was fate that I saw that! I’m glad this post spoke to you, even though I’m sorry you can relate. This was such an inspiring and uplifting comment and definitely what I needed to hear today, so thank you so much. I appreciate it more than you know! I’m so glad things have worked out for you xxx

I’m so glad it was helpful! I definitely agree that everything happens for a reason! Sometimes God’s plan is having confirmation that you are not alone in your struggles and sometimes it means that you are the messenger. I am truly happy that you opened up and I have faith that you will see so many blessings in the near future! Much love! Xoxo

GIRL GIRL GIRL! I volunteer as tribute! Let’s go exploring at 3am and find an abandoned field and look at the stars ❤ It's almost painful how much I feel this; I have friends, but that mental disconnect where we really just aren't interested in the same things can actually make me feel MORE lonely than being alone. I'm glad that you're taking the time to work on yourself; it shines through in your writing how that journey is helping your mental state and personal growth xx

Yesss girl let’s do it!! ❤ 100% agree with what you said, and it’s such a shame that so many people can relate! I feel like it’s worse to surround yourself with people you can’t / don’t connect with, because you end up feeling worse! Thanks for your lovely words as always xxx

I swear this is still the case but it feels like I can relate to everything! I know, very cliche of me to say.
In the past few years, I have lost 3 of my closest girlfriends. It’s been a mix of one suddenly settling down and basically treating me as though I am a stranger, another who accused me of trying to steal her mentally abusive boyfriend (I was messaging him that she was fine when we were out clubbing) and another which is another case. Lol major drama right!
But I’ve ended up with mainly talking to guy friends. And as good as they are and as stress-free as the friendships are, it’s just not the same. I wish that there was a friendship app out there. It’s a shame that so many girls have this issue. xx

So much drama girl!! Honestly, it’s better to have one true friend rather than a bunch that don’t love you for who you are – and if those people that you do get along with happen to be guys, so what? Though I’m glad you can relate to that side of things, sometimes I have things in my head that I feel as though only a fellow female could understand (and relate to), and it sucks that I don’t always have the option to share that. I wish there was an app where everything could be so much easier! I agree, it’s a shame that even now it can still be difficult to meet people & make friends .xx

I completely get you and you are deffo not alone, sometimes I feel like all these kinda things happen at once, like everyone around me will get busy at the same time, but I won’t and it really takes it toll, and you know you can deffo share all your cool books and vinyls with all of us!! Lots of love Chloe ❤

Noooo freaking way Chloe!!! Why are we totally in the same boat right now!!! I literally am experiencing the same exact thing!!! I totally understand you. If you’re interested, we should chat about this on the phone and get to talk know each other! Let me know what you think and if you’re down I will give you my number! 😊

This was a great read, I love a good ramble…ughhh it’s so hard when your friends live far away from you…I sometimes get so jealous when I hear about groups of friends that live close to each other or even when I watch an episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. I’m like “why can’t I have that life???”…. and don’t ever think you’re crazy because you don’t want a relationship or because how you feel differs from society..you are who you are and you feel how you feel and that’s what makes you special ❤https://thegrlwhoblog.wordpress.com/
x

Thank you so much lovely !! I agree 100%, I’m forever looking at other people and just thinking…why don’t I deserve that?! I would kill to have it hahah, a need a little friendship group! This was such a nice message and thank you so much for reading! ❤x

You’re welcome my dear, if you ever get bored or want to talk just drop me a comment (don’t think there is a private message option on the bloggersphere)…and by the way, you do deserve that, and you will get it 🙂 ❤

Right, where do you live? I will be that friend!! Honestly I’ve struggled SO bad with loneliness since moving to London. I feel like as you get older it’s harder to make friends as everyone’s got their own solid groups…gaaah xx

Honestly I find it SO hard – like you say everyone is already in their groups and I feel like the older you get the more difficult it is, it’s definitely not as easy as being at school anymore !! I like near Birmingham so a couple of hours away from London but we can still meet up one time if you want!! ❤x

Yes exactly! I’m also the type of person that’s really quiet when we first meet as I’m scared to let my guard down for the fear of being judged, so I probably don’t help myself being that way! Ahhh I would love that so much💘

I have always struggled with friends, your likes change and so do theirs and before you know it you haven’t spoken in months! But the good ones will stick around and want you for you! I can relate to this ramble post so much! No matter what keep writing it down it seems to help you so much, I bet you had a clearer head 40 minutes later than you did when you started writing this post?! Xx

Completely agree with that!! Honestly writing is such an escape and so even though this post takes about 2 mins to read, it took me a lot longer to write it! My head was definitely clearer after typing everything out, very glad I did! xx

Writing is having that conversation with yourself sometimes it needs to stay part of you others in needs to be read and explored by others. I hope the comments you receive aid the conversation and give fulfilment. Happy writing.

“I wish there was a dating app but for friendships instead where you could just seek out people in your area and match with them based on what you’re interested in” – me too girl, me too. Also, before I forget, I would love to see a journal tour!
I spent a lot of time with myself last year because of finals and it really taught me how to be alone and cope with it. I actually have come to depend on that “alone time” now. I have the same problem as you – none of my friends live in my town so it’s always a trainride or a drive away from where I live. My best friend and I end up facetiming each other quite a lot during the week as a way to stay present and updated in each others lives. It isn’t the same as being face to face but it definitely does help. xx

Aah thank you! A journal tour will definitely be coming soon, I’m so glad people want one because I’m super excited to do it!! I’m glad you’ve come to learn how to be on your own, as I think it’s so important and something we should all be comfortable with – I’m so glad you’ve achieved that! I crave alone time, sometimes if I’ve been with people all day I’m just like wow, I’m craving myself right now – I just need to be by myself. It’s great that in this day and age we have things like Facetime / Skype etc. to keep in touch with people, it’s a great little tool to have! xx

“Above all else, it is about leaving a mark that I existed: I was here. I was hungry. I was defeated. I was happy. I was sad. I was in love. I was afraid. I was hopeful. I had an idea and I had a good purpose and that’s why I made works of art.”