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When I’m having a great day, I often become aware of why I want to drink. I want to drink to become full to the brim, to be bursting with happiness, or to temper that amazing, nervous excited feeling that comes with being elated.

As I was bouncing down the road to work this morning, I was full of that feeling. Full of joy and elation. Life is bloody good. And for the first time in a very long time, I didn’t want to multiply that feeling by adding booze into the equation. I’m so happy because I’m NOT drinking, of course I am. What an obvious revelation!

Now that I’ve removed alcohol from the equation I can see that my life is basically pretty brilliant. The period of my life I’m going through at the moment is just brilliant. I’m happy, secure and am privileged to be part of a hobby group that gives me spine-tingling, life affirming experiences week in week out. I’ve got my dream job starting in a few weeks, and I’m leaving my current one on a high.

I basically feel on top of the world.

And yet I let the niggles of the uncomforableness (not a word, I know) not drinking creep in. Maybe what I need is a change of perspective. I’ve been emailing another lovely sober blogger recently and this morning she wrote something to me that was so true. She spoke about the idea that alcohol gives us NOTHING, it only takes away.

Deep down I know this, I’ve experienced it first hand, I’ve steeped myself in the Alan Carr/Jason Vale ideas which are along these lines, but I haven’t yet taken it on board fully.

When I look back on this period of my life, I KNOW I’ll look back on it as a golden one. It’s magic, some of the things that are happening at the moment. And yet, some of the amazing experiences I’m lucky enough to have I’ve been having for years in various forms through my hobby group and my job, and yet these have all been tainted by drink.

Yes I’ve had some hard times, but I’ve also had some brilliant ones. Looking back over experiences that I should remember with a sense of elation, I only remember the tang of shame from drinking. So my idea that alcohol enhances happiness and supersizes experience is UTTER BOLLOCKS. It’s a fictional notion that I’ve tried and tested and found simply not to be true.

So with that thought at the front of my mind, I’m going to skip through this happy patch, savouring every minute.

I’m following a tailored nutrition plan for my marathon training a nutritionist I know designed for a slight calorie deficit so I can lose the weight I want, and I feel fantastic. Plenty of food, no deprivation, heaps of energy, strong running.

I slept for 8.5 hours last night and woke up and like I do every morning now I’m sober and thanked god, my higher power, or whatever is out there, for sleep and another sober day.

I’ve applied for a new job, to remind myself there are other options out there, if and when I want them. I’m not dwelling on it, or going to make any dramatic changes, just trying to feel my way towards what I really want.

I’m going to a gig tonight with a friend who’s never really drunk, and will dance my little socks off sober.

I’m feeling happy to be me. Happy to be on the Sunny Side. Not going back to the place where alcohol sucks all light out of life… Not today.

Sometimes, when I’m having the “was I REALLY that bad?” moment that we all recognise, I read over old posts to remind myself of why I’ve stopped the drinking madness. Reading them is such a strange exercise, because I sometimes don’t recognise the person who’s written them at all. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve written from a position of complete, uncomfortable honesty and I’m reading raw words rather than recalling incidents from the much cosier perspective of selective memory, but it really helps to read back. And it reminds me that I’m more vulnerable than I often think I am.

In good moments, I feel on top of the world, and don’t recognise some of the agonised posts. Thankfully, because of sobriety, these moments are happening more frequently and I’m starting to feel more grounded and more serene. It would be fair to say that at the moment, every day I’m having a burst of joy at being alive and sober. This usually happens in the morning on the way to work when I’m at my most energetic, and while I’m writing my gratitude list at night. I didn’t think doing a gratitude list would make such a difference to my well-being, but it really has. Every night I light a gorgeous scented candle and write in my little book and feel brilliant. It’s such a nice way to close my day.

It makes me realise that whilst the direct consequences of my drinking weren’t devastating in terms of my behaviour or relationships, drinking truly robbed me of my happiness. I was on a constant rollercoaster of depression. Now, I’m feeling much more level, less crazy, the lows are less low.

I’m just so happy to feel secure in my sobriety this time round. Not in the sense that I believe I won’t drink if I let my guard down, but in the sense that I really love being sober this time, and that drinking doesn’t seem appealing at all. Before Christmas when I was on my last sober run, every day was a monumental battle against cravings and the feeling that while being sober had benefits, I wanted to drink more than I did to battle. Now, I really don’t want to throw away what I’ve got, and mercifully, cravings aren’t an issue.

I’m without a computer at the moment, which means posting is hard- I just can’t type out long blogs on my phone, but miss the act of writing.

This week has been fantastic. My time off work has done me the world of good- I’ve slowed down, slept a lot, run enough but not too much, eaten hot home-cooked meals and been to an AA meeting a day.

I’m feeling grounded and confident in my sobriety. It’s the first time I’ve truly felt like this. Previously around the 2-3 week mark I’ve been crawling the walls.

And just as I was writing my little gratitude list before bed tonight I realised something- in the past 6 months I’ve been in the middle of a run of sobriety more than I’ve been drinking. Not a perfect track record by any means, as readers of my “Hey! It’s Day 1, AGAIN!” posts will know, but better than the 6 months prior to that. Solid progress.

It’s been a learning curve, and lots of things have tripped me up along the way but I’m getting more confident, and more certain in my conviction that I would WAY rather have the temporary pain of saying no to a drink at a party or swerving the wine aisle than I would the agony of starting from scratch.

So here’s a happy post to end a happy week. And everything that has been positive in life this week has been a direct result of being sober. That’s a pretty great thing to reflect on.