Insulting These Adorable Dogs, Just Because We Legally Can

You're no Hasselhoff. Put your shirt back on.

In James Corden's monologue tonight, he discussed a news story about a man in Thailand who might serve prison time for insulting the King's dog online. That's insane. We should all be able to mock dogs on the internet. That's just a basic human right. And guess what, the dogs won't even know. They don't understand sarcasm or mockery or reading.

To prove a point, we're going to insult over 30 dogs in this gallery. And they're not just random dogs we found online, they're all from our staff members. We're confident we can insult our own dogs and it won't be weird with them when we get home.

Above photo courtesy of Zeberiah Newman

I think God forgot to properly inflate your face.

Photo courtesy of Lauren Shapiro

Are you auditioning for Gremlins 3?

Photo courtesy of Jess Honeycutt

Are you a dog or did Wilford Brimley sleep with a shag rug?

Photo courtesy of Ben Winston

Great beards, move to Portland and grow a man-bun like every other unemployed hipster.

Photo courtesy of Tyler White

You do realize your teeth are supposed to go inside your mouth, right?

Photo courtesy of Ari Blau

Does your face always look like it should be on a 'Who Farted' T-Shirt?

Photo courtesy of Brooke Taylor

Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Photo courtesy of Chris Albright

You're so nasty, your mother didn't even want to eat you at birth.

Photo courtesy of Marquita Brookins

Sweet hoodie. Are you a dog or a blogger?

Photo courtesy of Ryan McKee

I heard the Navy kicked you out for spending all your time on the poop deck.

Photo courtesy of Brad Conlin

Set the traps, a rat is in the house.

Photo courtesy of Ryan McKee

Too easy ... Next!

Photo courtesy of Kate Cronk

Is that your tongue or an ironing board?

Photo courtesy of Justin Shanes

You don't work, you don't clean, and now you're too dumb to help paddle to safety.

Photo courtesy of Charlie Kesslering

The dog catcher called the zoo because he thought you were a baboon.

Photo courtesy of Jeff Kopp

You're so ugly, your mama tried to bury you instead of a bone.

Photo courtesy of Glenn Clements

Is that a jack-o'-lantern or self portrait?

Photo courtesy of Johnny Montgomery

You've gotten so much work done, you look like a cat.

Photo courtesy of Kate Schellenbach

Is there any way you can wear more clothing? Like over your face?

Photo courtesy of Sean O'Connor

Nice fedora.

Photo courtesy of Lauren Greenberg

Did you just get back from jamming with your KISS cover band?

Photo courtesy of Matt Shaw

Do you still love nature .... despite what it did to you?

Photo courtesy of Morgan Bender

You'll have to run for days to lose all that pregnancy weight.

Photo courtesy of Natalie Matti

Is that a human coming out of your butt?

Photo courtesy of Paris Simpson

When I said you're so fat you probably eat toilet paper rolls, I didn’t mean it literally.

Photo courtesy of Rachel Hull

You are so ugly that when your owner dropped you off at obedience school he got a fine for littering.