After yesterday’s first play of “Nice Guys” on Zane Lowe’s Radio 1 show, Zane has asked us to play a session on his June 2nd show, and we… well, unfortunately, we… we… … have accepted! How could we not? Zane Lowe — it’s a well known industry “secret” — is the best smelling host in the business today, if you like natural scents! We’ll play a couple tracks from “Barbara” — which by then will be just 2 weeks from birth — and then cause a bunch of cringing and silent screams with our “Wild Card” track. (Don’t ask what it’s going to be, as that’s a little bit of a goddamn secret.)

Mark your calendars with a little caricature of Zane holding a rattle snake in one hand and a Mai Tai in the other!

Whether you live in England, France, the Moon (yes, in the Moon!), or Mars (yes, in Mars!), you can now take home a pristine copy of “Rules Don’t Stop” in your favorite digit-based format. You will also receive “Down The Hall”, a b-side that we almost made an a-side, it’s so pretty-good. Do as the button commands:

Dear friends: “Rules Don’t Stop”, the first single off of our new album “Barbara”, goes on sale Monday in the U.K. Sound expensive? What if we told you that you can pre-order at 7Digital for 50p. The special, dirt-cheap price ends Sunday at midnight, because then you’re out of ‘pre-order’ territory and firmly into ‘order’ grove — not that that’s such a bad place to be, order grove! But pre-order territory, my god… it’s every bit as good as it sounds.

At last we are ready to reveal to you the secrets of telekinesis, teleportation, auto-erotics, bowling, and trip-planning. Behold, the video for RULES DON’T STOP, the first single off our forthcoming record BARBARA. They’re not spelled all-caps like that, we’re just being lazy with the italics over here. BARBARA comes out in June, and we’re going to have a few vinyl copies of RULES DON’T STOP as well as unlimited copies of a download available on April 5th. (That was worth the effort, italicizing that date.)

The only other thing you need to know about this video is that it was directed by LABOUR, who are (as will soon be obvious to you) geniuses.

The NME Awards happened last week, on schedule, and we were there, a little early. Once again we pressed Tim the Cameraman into service, and once again we generated the kind of behind-the-scenes exposé footage that regularly wins more traditional journalists Peabody’s and Pulitzer’s. Have a gander:

We’re coming to England beginning of next week, and so shall come the Big Fuckin Deal shirt. The London edition will feature a special map on the front (Europe), correct dates on the back, but otherwise the same coupling of charm and super-soft cotton. (See the post immediately below if you have no idea what the fuck we’re talking about.)

AND: we’ve just recovered the ‘wearescientists’ Twitter name from a malfeasant provocateur. (That actually makes him/her sound much more interesting than they were: they just registered it and steadfastly refused to post.) Please give suggestions in the comments as to what we should do with the ‘wearescientists’ twitter feed. Ideas? Anybody???

When it comes to equine upholstery, we’re really just talking about horses in blankets. Of course, “just” talking about horses in blankets is a little like “just” talking about a fire burning down your house: it’s actually a pretty big deal. Or squirrels with metal heads.

One question we’re asked time and again has less to do with the animals than with the blankets themselves:

“How can you tell me about the blankets?”

Well, first of all, blankets, like all blankets, come in a huge variety of shapes and sizes: cotton & metal. Next, figure out what your horse prefers . . . after all, “it” is the one who will be wearing it. Here’s an example of a great purple blanket, classic cut, some insulation, purple:

Notice that the blanket fastens around the animal’s chest. This is largely a superstitious measure, but has become standard over the years.

Of course, other shades of purple are feasible and in fact quite popular:

And although it has never actually been done, it is theoretically possible to create a smaller blanket that would concentrate heat in the chest and front leg-tops:

. . . or even a red blanket with a hooding utensil:

No such limitations exist for blue iridescent fabrics, which come in as many shapes and cuts as there are horses:

Where the fuck is this one going:

Although horses are not exceptionally intelligent, their purity of spirit has earned them man’s respect. They do not comprehend that by wearing a blanket they are being kept warm. Making the animal understand, however, is often as simple as printing the blanket with hot comets. Looking at the comets, the horse will understand that he is warmer with the blanket than without it:

Of course, a horse wearing a head blanket with comets may not understand that he’s being warmed, but other horses will feel encouraged to see that their friend is being heated:

Other animals for whom blankets are a suitable heating option include . . .

. . .a dog . . .

. . . a zebra . . .

. . . and a bear.

In the category of horse blankets, it’s exactly what they say: “the options are only limited by your imagination”:

(Most of these designs can be had for around thirty bucks. The best place to pick them up is still the grocery store, although AmericanAirlines.com is rapidly gaining ground. If you end up buying one, mention that you read about horse blankets on wearescientists.com and they may spare at least your family’s lives.)