Isotope Virtual Lounge, A Request, and The Opposite of Sentimental Bullshit

Thursday, March 31, 2005

I want to give a shout-out to James Sime, proprietor of The Isotope, the premier Indy friendly comic book shop located in San Francisco. Whereas I never met the guy, he does a lot of great things for the industry and he’s a credit to retailers and comic pimps across the globe. The reason I’m bringing him up is because he recently launched the Isotope Virtual Lounge 2.0 where some of the most talented creators and enthusiastic fans hang out and chill. It’s a comic book related message board without a single “Batman vs _______” thread, which is a rarity. So, if you want to talk to some good people, do some networking or pimp your books, stop by the Lounge.

I think I might do a "greatest hits" link on the side so people can instantly read the good stuff on this site and get hooked. Any suggestions? Besides Hooker Hand and the one where I piss all over myself?___________________

I was hanging out in the cafeteria towards the end of my junior year with my RA peeps. Amongst us were Joe, Guam, Sleazy Steve, MB and Kat, Robin’s RA. Robin comes up to our table and asks Kat some question; I was looking through the personals and cracking jokes. Robin jumped in at some point and made some sort of innuendo involving me not having to look through the personals, I really wasn’t paying attention. Then Sleazy Steve asked Robin if he could borrow her Rambo boxed setand my ears perked up a bit and I had a sudden interest in Robin.

We chatted for a bit, a bunch of us (including Kat) were going out for drinks and I invited her out. We were going to McCarthy’s, a place she used to work at and hated, and she politely declined. Later that night Kat told me that Robin has had a thing for me for some time, always asking about me etc. We leave the bar and go back to Kat’s house where her residents were coming down from a party. Kat wakes Robin up and tells her I came over to hang out, and Robin comes down to chill. We drink, we smoked (can you believe I actually won an outstanding RA award?) and we hung out and talked until 5 in the morning. I had to go to work at 8AM and I was pretty pissed but I didn’t blame her, I was having a good time.

A few nights later Robin calls me up and invited me to a party. I told her I had plans. She asked what my plans where and, being an honest fellow, I told her the truth.

“I’m gonna have a glass of wine, masturbate and then go to bed.” It’s an endearing trait, my honesty. Or so I’m told.

She told me I can do all of that after I come hang out for a bit. So I went over and once again hung out until around 5 in the morning, drinking, smoking and playing The Smiths' all night. Afterwards I went home, had a glass of wine, masturbated and pretty much decided that was the end of that, I just wasn’t interested.

Let’s back track a bit, junior year was a self-imposed dry spell. After R, I decided I needed a sabbatical from women and at first it was just going to be a few months but after getting back into theater, writing some of the best stuff I’ve ever written and making a shit-load of new friends, I kind of decided that women just hold me back. It turns out that asexuality is my muse. If I were going to get back into it, the woman had to be like Aphrodite or, you know, an actual muse. And Robin, or any women I met over that year, just didn’t cut it.

So I ignored her and she started ignoring me. About two months later it’s the summer and I’m living on campus. I find Robin outside of my apartment, cleaning my lawn. I instantly assumed she was stalking me but after an awkward conversation I learned that she was working for Buildings & Grounds over the summer and my apartment was within her zone. So, my assumption proved correct and now I knew she was stalking me.

Me and some friends were filming a movie I wrote entitled Sleaze and the girl we cast in the lead role was by far one of the hottest women I have ever known personally and I desperately wanted to hook up with her. She was over at my place, rehearsing, when we made tentative plans to hang out that night. As she was leaving, Robin came over and asked if we could talk. She invited me to her place to hang with her friends and I said no. But she was persistent. The hottest girl ever was supposed to call my cell so I finally caved and told Robin I’d hang but if this girl calls I’m going to have to bounce. She accepted my offer without batting an eye. Fucking. Stalker.

The night rolled on and the hottest girl ever didn’t call. And I kept drinking. At some point Robin’s friends left and it was me and her, Depeche Mode on the radio, and me laid out on the floor of her room. Once I got drunk enough she literally jumped on top of me and we started making out. I crashed at her place that night, the room was disgustingly hot, she hogged the bed and farted all night (she denies it).

The next night I had a blind date with someone else (a whole different story, worst blind date ever), followed by a party at my friend Joe's and the following day Robin and I were getting ice-cream together. Sleazy Steve, being the sleaziest guy in the world, told Robin to watch out for me because I’m “trouble”. Steve always does that, though, you gotta love the guy. We made it through the whole “Steve warning” thing and now, almost 6 years later, here we are.

So, whereas R and I had the movie-like romantic beginning and it eventually ended, Robin stalked me for four months, got me drunk me and then, THEN, after a failed date I decided to take a crack at it and now I’m going to spend the rest of my life with her.

One day, when we're making stinky amounts of money doing the stuff we love and we get to quit our day jobs, we're going to make Sleaze for real. And we're going to cast that girl again. And this time I'm playing the lead and I get to make out with her, not Matt. And I'll write a scene where you make out with her as well. Anyone else want some?