It is my home, my neighborhood, and my history. It is what I am and where I came from. Embarrassing? Yes Boring? Never

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

TO SMOKE OR NOT TO SMOKE, THAT IS THE QUESTION

I am not doing well today. My habit is haunting me, peaking around the corners, suddenly making me aware of what I am NOT doing. I really have not been bad, not screaming at my loved ones nor stomping my pets but it is there. So I am trying to think of things that I have done sans nicotine that should make me happy and prove to myself, I really really can do it this time.

Here are my top ten things:

1. Went to lunch with my best friend and had conversation without thinking every two seconds that I need a smoke.2. Talked my son and daughter in law out of a complete freak out, (my son is facing knee surgery again and may be discharged from the army if things do not go right, and they are talking about moving here, not just this city, but this house! Lord almighty this is probably cause for a melt down) but I did not jump off the phone because I was craving so bad. (the phone is probably the hardest)3. Actually put on my make up and dried my hair without wrestling the burning ember - dropping it on the floor, or a dog, or my own foot, causing a mark, or burnt hair, or pain.4. I have made it back and forth to work - alone in the car- where no one would really ever know--without creating a huge billowing cloud of smoke or causing a wreck as drive at 90 to the circle K for a pack of puffs.5. I went to a woman's group meeting to surround myself with non-smokers and people who did not ever know me as the chimney I was - and did not have to prove how disgusting I am by smoking6. Still cannot leave at lunch as that is too inviting, but have managed to not empty the vending machines of all the delicious treats. 7. Managed to sit next to Fat Cat, or Smokin-stein as he may be now named, as he chain smoked while watching TV and did not take a loaded gun and light him up (you have no idea how much restraint this took) or just grab one and smoke it myself (you have no idea how much restraint THIS took)8. Watched my grandson race, while sitting beside his other grandma, who was bragging to my husband how she only received probation and will not have to do time on her meth bust. 9. Played tennis with my daughter, first time picking up a racket since 1978, scared to death I would humiliate myself (which would not be too bad) more afraid I would humiliate my daughter and she would refuse to be seen with me ever again

And the final item on my fun with smoke free me list--

10. Actually being able to pick up my computer and surf with out sucking a fag (that is UK slang for a cig, you freaking sick-o!)