I never quit. Ever. It’s something that’s been ingrained in me from childhood. If you said you were gonna do it, you do it. It’s the main reason I decided to start a blog when I ran the marathon. I wanted to make sure I would finish.

So this morning when I set out on a 6 mile run and quit at 5, I was quite perturbed. Unless there is some kind of extenuating circumstance (injury, woke up late, etc.) I never quit a run early. Ever. And this morning I just got sick of it. I had this overwhelming feeling of being a hamster in a wheel and just felt ridiculous. So at around mile 4 I decided to cut it short and ran the last mile as fast as I could. And what happened was weird. I actually enjoyed the last mile. Maybe because I knew I was almost done but I think it’s more than that.

1/2 marathon training is different this time around. I’ve been afraid to say anything because I don’t want to acknowledge and thus, fortify these thoughts but I just don’t love running right now.

Okay, let me be clear. I don’t love distance running right now. But I am really enjoying working on speed and power. Last summer, I could go all day. I didn’t even get warmed up until about mile 6. I was trying to increase pace but mostly I just wanted to be able to run far. 12, 14, 18 miles…bring it on. But I can barely tolerate a 4 miler this summer. It started immediately after my last half in April. I met my goal and crossed the finish line in 1:56. I was so happy and proud! But after that I guess I just lost my steam.

I really wanted to run another 1/2 and another full before Josh and I start talking about babies. But I just don’t feel happy when I’m running distance anymore. (I’m sure many of you are like “who the heck does?!)

When I was training for the marathon, it was not always fun. It hurt and it was damn hard. It was a completely physical, mental, and emotional challenge. And I was always able to push through even when I didn’t feel like it. But those days seemed much more spread out than they are now. I feel happiest when I am working toward running fast, not long. When I feel like my body is getting stronger from strength training and working hard, not getting weaker from pounding the pavement for hours and hours.

But here’s the deal. Running is as much mental as it is physical. So I don’t want to give up on marathons just because I don’t feel like it right now. But I also don’t want to force something that isn’t there. And another part of me feels like I need turn the focus on my eating habits which seem to have taken a slight turn for the worse.

I hate to quit. But maybe I don’t have to view this as quitting. Maybe this is merely shifting a goal.

Everybody who knows me knows I love quotes and this is one of my new favorites lately.

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Thanks for checking out my blog! I struggle with body image and self acceptance and it helps me to write about it. Feel free to check out the tabs at the top to find out why I never say never and more.