FRITZ: Holy hangover, Batman!

Cut out this hangover cure list and laminate it

S o after four beers, three rounds of Russian Ping-Pong, two glasses of wine and one can of chili from 7-Eleven at 2 a.m., I woke up Saturday morning feeling... not so easy-breezy beautiful.

Waking up at 2 p.m., there was still an excellent chance I would throw up on one of my friends later in the afternoon. Some asshat decided we should all meet at the Irish bar Saturday and make tiny parade floats. What asshat would put together an arts and crafts afternoon knowing full well someone could be massively hungover?

This asshat.

Damn, I lack foresight.

Anyway, all morning I was running around collecting stuff: tiny roller skates, and toy trucks, and shoe boxes, and markers, and wrapping paper, and loads of shit with shamrocks on it because the handmade floats were being made in preparation for Boulder's World's Shortest St. Patrick's Day Parade on Sunday.

With some luck, you showed up Sunday and saw a bunch of stupidly awesome mini-floats being pulled on children's roller skates. But Saturday, as I stared at the table piled high, I couldn't help but think this was going to be a disaster. Besides being half brain-dead, I didn't seem to have any dexterity in my fingers. Writing this column was like typing with horse hooves for hands.

What did I need? I needed a fucking hangover cure and I needed it stat.

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So in anticipation of the drinkingest holiday, which is right around the dig-dang corner, and keeping in mind I was massively hungover, let's discuss hangover cures.

You can cut out this list, laminate it, and stick it in yer wallet for next Monday morning, the day after St. Patrick's Day.