Posts Tagged ‘Kenya’

NAIROBI – An exclusive document obtained by The Anvil today proves that Kenyan president Mwai Kibaki was indeed born in the African nation he leads. Skeptics have long claimed that he is actually a rich, white businessman from the United States who exploited his family’s political connections to win office.

The mysterious document, known in media circles as “The Wikipedia Page,” not only identifies Kibaki’s birthplace as Gatuyaini, Kenya, it also provides paragraph after paragraph of information that is too boring to read. A photograph attached to the document, dated 2003, shows Kibaki meeting then U.S. President George W. Bush outside the White House, fueling speculation that, while Kibaki may not have been born in the United States, he has visited.

Some conspiracy theorists claim that the photograph was actually taken on the moon, where a mock-up of the White House exists for exactly these kinds of photo opportunities.

“NASA carts world leaders to the moon all the time,” says Pinky Middleton, founder of Luna-tix, a group demanding that the aerospace agency make moon-trip tickets available to the civilian public. “I don’t think my taxes should pay for government things if I don’t directly get nothing out of it.”

Middleton says he is using this year’s tax refund to turn his trailer into a moon rocket. “Next time Obama is up there shaking hands with some Swedish dude or whatever, I’m going to drop right in between them and moon everybody. Ha ha. Moon. I didn’t even get that ‘til just now.”

President Obama himself has been dogged by questions about his biological origins since he took office over three years ago, particularly since his mitochondrial DNA was traced back to southeastern Africa 200,000 years ago.

When reached by phone at his home office in Washington, D.C., President Obama told The Anvil, “Look. All modern humans’mtDNA can be traced back to Africa 200,000 years ago. So, you know, every president we’ve ever had came from Africa.”

Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus responded to the President’s assertion by stating, “If we believed in evolution, we’d be mighty upset right now.”