Juno screenwriter Diablo Cody sure is brave! First she takes up stripping, just for kicks. Then she writes a screenplay on the touchy subject of teen pregnancy. And now she’s taking a crack at the Twilight Zone of good writing, the magazine feature so cursed that even Dalton Ross can’t make it fun — Entertainment Weekly’s back page. Apparently she’s going to be a regular columnist for the magazine, and her first column appears today. It’s not yet available online, so here’s a preview.

Title: “Binge Thinking.” Nice!

Subject of first column: How going on tour to promote the movie wasn’t as fun as she thought it would be.

Has this column been written before?: Yes, ten million times, by every author who’s ever gone on a book tour.

Most misbegotten personality-infused sentence that never should have made it past the editor: “Okay, so knowing how I feel about the ultimate tour flick, you can imagine how torqued I was when I found out I was being sent out on the road to promote the movie I’d written, Juno.”

Best passage: “I quickly learned that it’s hard to look attractive when you live out of a Samsonite. My neglected haircut began to resemble Javier Bardem’s man-bob in No Country for Old Men. Someone like Kate Hudson can make ‘disheveled’ look hot, but I looked like someone you might see queuing up at the needle-exchange van downtown.”

Best pop-culture reference: “You try introducing a film in Castilian Spanish while battling Buñuel-worthy hallucinations.”

Disturbingly Stephen King–ish pop-culture reference: “After a while, I was reminded of ‘Turn the Page,’ Bob Seger’s famous ballad about the rigors of touring.”