Uma Thurman attends the premiere of ‘Zulu’ and Closing Ceremony during the 66th Annual Cannes Film Festival in an Atelier Versace gown accessorized with Chopard jewelry.

She also requests that you do so from at least 20 feet away lest your camera be damaged by point-blank Fierce being fired at it from close range.

“Why no WERQ, T Lo?” ask countless Bitter Kittens who feel that proper classification in all things is important. It’s simple, really. First, it’s not hard to get a dress like this right, assuming it’s the right dress for you. Second, this is just one of those things with us, but the symmetry in her jewelry is kind of annoying.

But she looks gorgeous; no doubt about that. After having compiled a fairly large mental library of her style choices over the last several years – and let us tell you; it’s weird how our minds work now. When we rent a new release, we wind up talking over the opening credits about what the various stars wore for the poledance tour surrounding the project. It took us forever to realize that title logos in movie credit sequences automatically trigger our memories of countless red carpets and photocalls featuring that exact logo, and the next thing you know, we’re spending the first five minutes of a Twilight movie reminiscing about some shitty thing Kristen Stewart wore for a Mexico City photocall.

That’s just a hypothetical, of course. The only thing either of us ever said during the first five minutes of a Twilight movie is, “Jesus Christ, where’s the fucking remote? You had it last.”

Anyway, we seem to have gone off on a tangent just as the caffeine hit the bloodstream, but what we’re trying to say here is, after studying her for years, we’ve concluded that she has only one style setting: Fierce. Everything else, from casual to chic, tends to be slightly more problematic for her. She’s a bit like Christina Hendricks that way. Do her up in the right kind of diva drag and she’s breathtaking. Put her in street clothes and she’ll always have some weird shoe or mismatched purse or goofy, unflattering skirt in the mix.