Dad:(mimicking) ‘It’s something they use in coal-mining, father’. You’re all bloody fancy talk since you left London.

Ken: Oh not that again.

Mum: He’s had a hard day dear… his new play opens at the National Theatre tomorrow.

Ken: Oh that’s good.

Dad: Good! good? What do you know about it? What do you know about getting up at five o’clock in t’morning to fly to Paris… back at the Old Vic for drinks at twelve, sweating the day through press interviews, television interviews and getting back here at ten to wrestle with the problem of a homosexual nymphomaniac drug-addict involved in the ritual murder of a well known Scottish footbailer· That’s a full working day, lad, and don’t you forget it!

Mum: Oh, don’t shout at the boy, father.

Dad: Aye, ‘ampstead wasn’t good enough for you, was it? … you had to go poncing off to Barnsley, you and yer coal-mining friends. (spits)

Ken: Coal-mining is a wonderful thing father, but it’s something you’ll never understand. Just look at you!

(Cut to film of a Scotsman (John Cleese) riding up on a home. He looks around, puzzled. Cut to stock film of Women’s Institute audience applauding. Cut to the man with two noses (Graham Chapmam); he puts a handkerchief to his elbow and we hear the sound of a nose being blown.

Cut to Women’s Institute audience applauding. Cut to cartoon of a flying sheep.)