Breaking: Jessica Simpson’s Dog Eaten By Coyote

BREAKING: JESSICA SIMPSON’S DOG EATEN BY COYOTE. SEE HER HORRIFIED TWEET ABOUT IT AFTER THE BREAK.

She offered a reward. For her dog. That was taken by a coyote “right in front of our eyes”. Does she think the coyote just frickin’ stashes them somewhere? Like somewhere there’s a coyote warehouse where they strip down the dogs and repaint them?

We’ve already slated an intern to troll eBay for the dog all day today. If we find it, we’ll return it, and “comfort” Jessica. Ooh yeeeah.