Boy Billbo did you ever get it right!! I went thru the same basic situation. Years of false pride and trying to get her to see my side. WRONG!! Early November I sensed a mood and asked what's up? Well got it both barrels on the same type of items she was talking about for years. Talking about my behaviour but saying it was not about me. Very confusing. I sensed this time it was different and was for the first time really scared about our marriage. Scared to death! It had been "off" for awhile. Communication wise and sex wise. I felt resentment and frustration for everything I did was not "right". Then a lightbulb went on. It's up to me to change. Take control of myself - mind, body, soul. went to work. Started working out, researching personal advise and marraige advice sites and boy did I get a rude awaking. I was a lurker here and all you guys/gals heve been great. Bought 5 Love Languages and it was very helpful. Felt I COULD change and put my wife and our marraige where it should be, first.

Well two months go by, things getting better, then the bombshell. She tells me she feels tired, that me, the kids , everyone is draining her and she just want to go away, needs space, and be responsible to herself. The person she sees in the mirror is old and tired. I listen, understand and hope all is not too late. Stay the course.

Well now things have become MUCH better. She is laughing freely again and seems much lighter in mood. This past weekend , after going out for dinner she tells me she loves me. Now that not seem like much but it was the first time in months that she said it first, not as a reply to me. Later that weekend, watching football, I say that if the Jets don't score here, the game is over. To which she responds, "Do you want to score?" Bingo, Never was a Jets fan anyway.

I am thankful to you all for speaking so openly and know that now that I see the light things will continue to get better and better and better. Didn't mean to hijack the notebook thread, but to echo billbo, HE has to see it is his behaviour, and not until he does and wants to, will things change. Ok, time to get off the soapbox.