Thank
you for constructing such an informative site. I have read it from start to
finish and learned a great deal. I began researching the possibilities of a
foreign mate about a year ago. I have learned a lot, but still have much to
learn. I have been writing letters for the last 6 months. However, I have
not sent any. The process became one of self-discovery through which I have figured out a
great deal about myself, gained some humility, and figured out who I am
honestly looking for.

Steve
(USA)

Effects of moving to
USA for a Russian child

Q: Many
women on the various agency sites advertise the fact that they have a child or children. This may be a
generalization, but I think it most probable the child or children would
have little, or no comprehension of the English language. I am concerned
that introducing a foreign child to a new country, and to what would invariably be a totally new and alien schooling
system, is bound to have a detrimental effect on their educational and social development, due to a
simple lack of understanding (at least in the short to medium term). I would
be pleased to hear your thoughts on this particular aspect.

The question you have raised is very
important.

Yes, according to my research the majority of women looking for foreign
contacts have a child (about 65%). You are right in your concern about the
effect of moving to a foreign country with different culture, language and
schooling system. In the short term it will have detrimental effect on a
child's educational and social development, but in long term it will have
positive effect on his personality and self-development.

I will explain why. The current conditions and life standards in Russia do
not provide enough space for a person's emotional and physical growth. A
child is growing in the situation of total instability and permanent concern
about the future, let along nutritional and environmental issues. I talk a
lot about low self-esteem that is typical for people from the countries of
the former Soviet Union, and as you know this does not help in personal
development.

The other aspect is the Russian life style. Obeying the rules is not
mandatory. Hard work and honesty cannot provide you even with sufficient
life standards. To succeed in life one has to violate the rules because the
rules are made like this. This has devastating effect on the personality and
inner consistency.

Russian society is generally atheistic, because of 75-year gap in religious
upbringing, and spreading belief in God is difficult due to anti-human
realities of every-day life. It is doubtful if a child will grow up a good
Christian, and have this internal steam that helps in the most difficult
situations of our lives. Russians do not rely on God, and do not seek strength in Christian belief and morality, even though they state being
Christians.

What kind of future can a child expect in Russia? Hopefully things will change
there, but for now nor the state neither society need young people's brains
and courage. This is a letter that was written by a 20-year-old girl from
Ukraine.

I live in Ukraine. I'm almost 20 years old. I love my
beautiful homeland for its majestic culture, tradition, for the wealth of its soil. I'm trying loving my people
too but. It is very difficult to see that my state does not need me and to understand that the government is not
interested in the future of the young generation and in the providing of people with the most necessary things for
maintaining the minimal living standard. Nobody cares for work, medicine, education. The people of my country can
count only on their own abilities. The total anarchy reigns in Ukraine now. For the rest of the world the
situation is justified by the words about "young developing state", "enhancement of economy", "slow
introduction of the experience in the industrialization of highly-developed countries"
etc. Actually all country's finances are controlled by the "shadow structures" or, in
other words, by "mafia". There is no truth and order anywhere - in the jurisdiction, in the State Security
Service, in the parliament. Our people are secluded and embittered now. The people are not growing friendly and
united. They are not ready to help one another in difficult period. On the contrary, I notice more and more
egoism and aggression in them. They are so unhappy in their disbelief, in their way of life without hope to light of
future! Believe me, it is very difficult for me to describe that just a little part of reality concerning the
life of the CIS states (The Commonwealth of Independent States). I feel utterly unprotected and nobody needs my
personality in this society.

My trouble is that I want to use the time given to me by
God not for thinking of my survival in search of means of existence, of solving everyday problems of life. And I
want to be useful for people with all my heart. I wish to display my love for Good and Light of peace. And it means
not just to help when my assistance is needed but to devote all my life for the sake of the mankind. My
aspirations are usual and natural - to get education, have a job chosen by my heart and to direct the abilities only
to the creation and strengthening of the Good. But could my dreams come true? No, they couldn't. My parents
got divorced when I was 3 years old. My family is quite small - mummy and me. Mother having brought me up all by herself.
Father never helped me... I finished school but I didn't carry on studying because I had no money. I Want to go to
University (I dream about learning foreign languages), but I cannot afford it; I'd like to find a job and be able to
pay for my study, but well paid job it's a luxury in Ukraine (the salary isn't even enough for a
subsistence...). Only my belief in God, His Justice and Wisdom helps me to endure this state of things in my life
and gives me relief at the moments when I am thinking of it. And in my childhood I was dreaming of devoting my life
in the name of the Good and Creation...

How and what can I live in this country for? In the
country that directs all forces to the annihilation of all good, pure, beautiful that is in a human being, in the
country that doesn't need any person? I can't find the answer to this questions.

Therefore, I appeal to generous and warm-hearted person
with request to find ANY work for me in your country. I agreed with any LEGAL and HONEST( not immoral) work. I
promise I'll thank you for your help, my friend! I will give back 40% of my salaries during 6 months or if you
have another suggestions we could discuss it. Just help me!

This is a bit in contrary to what I said above about Christian values of
Russian people, but exceptions just prove the rule right. The person who
wrote the letter is special, it's why she wrote it. I don't think I can
write any better describing the situation in the countries of the former
Soviet Union. A child does not have a future there.

So bringing a foreign child to a western country will arouse some short-term
problems for him during the adaptation period but in the long run a child
will benefit of growing up in a Christian culture. The process of moving to
another country (applying for a fiancee/spouse visa etc) is long enough, and
if your fiancee has a child, she must use this time to teach him the language. There are many courses for children available, and 3-4-month
course will provide the basic understanding of the language. Don't forget,
children learn much easier and faster. Growing in quite a rough society, a
child usually is be able to stand for himself and do not let other children to
put him down. The younger the child, the easier the process of adaptation.

Last month Top FAQ:

Q:Reading
your Myths and Reality, I was wondering what kind of myths Russian
women might have about foreign men, particularly Americans. I think
knowing about such myths would help to prevent cultural misunderstandings.