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5 things I noticed about the series finale of Smallville

First of all, yes I watched this. Like Donald Trump and crazy, I decided to give it one last chance, even though I haven’t watched in years. For some unknown reason, I wanted to see how this terrible show, that has somehow lasted longer than Buffy, the X-Files, Lost, or Battlestar Galactica, ends.

Not well, apparently. Here are five things I noticed.

1) Apparently DC’s market share in the future is about the same as the hand-out flyer my local corner store prints out has, as we see that 7 years from now, there is a DC comic book that reveals Superman’s identity. Yet people still keep calling him Clark, and no one seems to know that he’s Superman. Also, DC comics apparently aren’t increasing in price over the next 7 years.

This is your reward for putting up with 10 years of inanity.

2) In the universe that Smallville exists in, there seems to be no planet Mars. Yet we’ve seen a character that actually comes from Mars. Seriously.

3) Sneaking onto Air Force One seems to have about the same degree of difficulty as conning your way onto a public bus.

Moments before Michael Rosebaum turns the pistol on himself after realizing that he gave up 10 years of his life for this shit.

4) In the future, Lois is so ashamed of marrying someone still in the closet that she makes him call her “Miss Lane”, even though they’ve been publicly dating for years, and even had a wedding that was once interrupted by another planet.

A show that is better than Smallville

5) After what seems to be a season worth of buildup, Clark vanquishes the WORST THREAT THE EARTH HAS EVER KNOWN by pushing it. Yes. You heard me. At the end of two hours of tense, overwrought drama, he flew into the sky, and dealt with the evil killer planet much in the same way that you would with a puppy that’s crawled onto your bed.

Bonus thing I noticed: This is the worst television show that ever existed.

Other Bonus thing I noticed: You couldn’t just give us ONE clear shot of the bastard in the costume?