But the truth is, it's so fucking hard. Aku agak terkejut on my own strength and capability to maintain this relationship. I think I deserve a big round of applause!!

Don is my first love, tho I've claimed aku ada ex boyfriends yang macam toyol, but I was 16/17 yo, what la did I know about love? So technically, Don is my first one lah.

It wasn't that big of a deal before...I mean before we met, cause it was all on the internetzzz, walaupon my heart was aching sebab aku tak dapat peluk dia in person, but I was content (kinda) cause I've got nothing to compare to.

But it was during those times jugak when we had A LOT of fights....like seriously banyak ok, macam hari hari mesti gadoh. We kept pointing fingers at each others lah, his fault, my fault blah blah.

For me, everything yang dia buat, mesti tak kena. Mesti aku nak mengamok.
On my defense, I can blame it on my PMS, my womanly instinct, blah blah, but we all know those are just some horseshit women created to get away with stuff.

It turned out, I was lonely, despite him "being there" for me 24/7, but it wasn't enough. I needed some human touch. Sebab tu hari hari mood macam puaka.

I felt as if he couldn't make me happy anymore (sometimes), everything he did, mesti aku melenting, so I guess it was the last straw lah, he started neglecting me. Lagi lah aku naik berang kan.

Haha.

See, told you our relationship isn't all candies and scones.

Then we've decided to meet...finally, it was the BEST decision EVER. Tipulah kalau aku cakap it never was never our intention to meet up, we've talked about it for years, but we just didn't have the resources. I was still studying, he was still working on getting his business up. We both were so sengkek on duit, traveling across the world was something beyond our grasps.

I've questioned myself is this relationship worth all the troubles? I mean why would I sacrifice myself on time and on resources on something that's beyond my reach kan. I almost gave up on us one time.

Lama jugak aku menyendiri, I cut myself from the public. Hari hari nangis. Until one day, he finally consoled me. He admitted he was feeling guilty for doing this shit to me and he couldn't stand me cry hari hari anymore (I later admitted that it was partly my fault too).

So kesimpulannya, if you've come to a jalan buntu and you have the thoughts of leaving him because you hate/despise him, then you ought to think again, sebab obviously you still have feelings for him for hate is still a feeling, bukannya indifference.

So yeah, my relationship nampak je senang, I pulled it off smoothly. But you just have no idea how hard it is for us. Though right now it's gotten smoother sebab...hm, I don't know prolly we both are experienced LDR couple. Haha.

It was pretty hard for us to go through earlier but now, oklah, not as hard but not as senang jugak. We've wisen up and we've grown up.

Shit comes easy as time ticks. Kinda lah.

Yer, our hearts are still aching sebab tak dapat jumpa macam other couples, but if we've gone through 9 years of obstacles and being apart, how much damage can a year or two make lahhh.