People for the Ethical Treatment Of Dinosaurs. Charter Member Since We Joined Last Week

WELCOME to the official CRETACEOUSLAND!
website you poor misguided soul!

You've just discovered the only LIVE Dinosaur reserve and theme park on the entire planet! What can you expect to find
while you're here - besides your worst nightmares coming true?

Well, uh, guess that pretty much sums it up.

Luckily (for us) we just moved the DinoResidents back indoors at The Center for Cretaceous Studies, so now it is nearly safe to visit. 'Nearly' because there always seem to be one or two hiding.

As the world's only outdoor, live DinoReserve, CRETACEOUSLAND! is located
just a quick ambulance ride from our parent company The Center for Cretaceous Studies.
In fact, we fight over the same parking spots.

So detailed and exact in the presentation of natural Cretaceous Period conditions, our scientists have gone to great lengths
(+/-2 centimeters) to raise the same vegetation found dozens of millions of years ago -- much to the chagrin of the U.S. EPA.
We've been in court over most of this stuff for decades.

We'll give you the opportunity to see Cretaceous Period flora and fauna in outdoor Habitats (HABs) as they originally, naturally
appeared 65+ MA (Million Years Ago), or BA as we call it (Before Asteroid). This also gives you an excellent chance
to contract some heretofore unknown and probably incurable prehistoric disease or allergy!

See? It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?

Take a moment or three to see what's in store for you and your family next summer when you resign yourself into visiting CRETACEOUSLAND! as a last ditch vacation idea, which it usually is.

Educational? Nope. Fun? Nah. Good value for the money? No way.
None of these apply here. But odds are, you'll never get to, er... want to... leave!

BOOKMARK this
site for future news and information, as the CRETACEOUSLAND! company information (aka: water cooler rumors), found below,
is updated every time we have a reporter who survives another week in this death trap!

We think you'll agree with that one guy who nearly made it out of here alive:A day at CRETACEOUSLAND! is like no other!

CEO & FOUNDER JUST BEFORE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE DIG

Booted From Hundreds Of Sites Hasn't Stopped Him From Screwing Up Around Here

THE CRETACEOUSLAND! NEWSUNDIES, er, NEWSBRIEFS
The Latest And Sorta-Kinda Up To Date Information On Who...What...Where...When...And Why ME?On All Things CRETACEOUSLAND!
LAST UPDATED 29 APRIL 2018

CRETACEOUSLAND! INSTALLS PERSONAL GATES, READY TO TURN BACK TOURISTS
IF TOO MANY COMESeriously?
Tourists visiting the iconic outdoor Habitats (HABs) this coming week may instead find themselves being herded like cattle
as Cretaceousland! wrestles with being a popular vacation destination. Not that we are. Just that we could be.

The outdoor part of the infamous live Dinosaur Research Institution installed temporary gates on Friday in several HABs to
keep tourists out if their numbers become overwhelming. This was done because tourist numbers are expected to soar right past
last year's record-breaking number of 12.

"People who want to come to Cretaceousland! are always important guests for us," CEO and founder Dr. S Beckmann said
to no one in particular. "My duty is to ensure the safety to visitors and locals, managing pedestrian traffic and first
aid and, if needed, sorting flows of ambulances."

By early Saturday afternoon, Security personnel monitoring the flow of arrivals judged the crowds of one were manageable enough
that the gates didn't need to be shut.

Cretaceousland! has been a victim of its own popularity, with an onslaught of tourism that has clogged the narrow escape routes
all the while watching many of its residents depart for nearby neighborhoods, according to Cretaceousland! spokesman Audrey
Marx.

Crowds get especially heavy when busses disembark tens of passengers at once for day trips.

The iconic outdoor facility, with hundreds of Habitats, has faced criticism before from tourists who felt they have gotten
ripped-off while visiting. Last fall, a British tourist wrote an open letter to the CEO that he felt appalled after he and
his parents were presented with a $638 bill for ambulatory and medical costs.

Luke Heer, a university lecturer, accused the emergency crews of taking advantage of the fact that neither he nor his parents
looked alive during their rescue.

Dr. S Beckmann responded harshly to the complaint, saying they group were "cheapskates."

"Someone runs not very fast in an outdoor live Dinosaur Habitat, then says they cannot understand the bill?" he said
at the time. "If you come to Cretaceousland! you need to learn to run fast, maybe even a few hours of CPR training would
be good too."