This Area 51 Storming Plan Has Got to End

Everyone and their grandma apparently has signed the petition to storm Area 51 and discover all the juicy, alien secrets within. More than 1 million people have joined the event saying they “plan to attend the raid” on Area 51. That’s absolutely insane.

Man, if you wanna see some weird shit, there’s better ways than by storming a MILITARY BASE. For example: K-Pop stans? LeBron stans? Nicki Minaj stans? Horny comment section dudes? Whatever is in the sock drawer in your mother’s armoire.

I will say, however, the Area 51 storming memes have been unreal. Pure comedy. Some examples below:

The Air Force has since responded basically saying they’re ready and willing to fuck up every one of the invaders if need be and I just gotta say…damn. No chance in hell this “raid” actually happens, but I’d love to be there (from a safe distance) watching 1.1 million emos lace up their vans, the sound of 500,000 monster cans cracking open all at once.

But against the Air Force? No fucking chance. Y’all seem to forget the Air Force’s most famous mission: DROPPING NUKES ON JAPAN. All that’d be left of the “raid” would be a fine mist and the subtle scent of Hot Topic in the air.

Look, Brad, I’d love to see some aliens too, but I gotta say, you’re gonna be mighty disappointed when mom says no sleepovers to your new alien best buddy.