Saturday, April 30, 2005

It is our tradition to watch a movie on Saturday night. This one made me feel good about being a mom and making good decisions. It gave me moist eyes. I enjoyed the Spanish woman, Flor (Flower) because we have Spanish people in the church and I felt like I already met her.

November 18,1973Since I do not have a diary I will keep all my thoughts in this book. We (Rlynn,Mom and I)went to 11:30 mass. We got a new parish priest since Father Nk is in Kano now.He gave a sermon on "the end of the world." We (Rlynn,Mango and I) went skating.Mac wasn't there. Cindy said his nickname is "Mojo." We are going to show tonight. Its supposed to be a horror movie "Legend of Hell House." I hope its good.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

6 am Wake up thinking that I have to edit last night's blog. Eldest is up as well. She is going to leave early for the physics tutorial. She is unimpressed that I am up so early to blog.

7am I do my physio exercises then have a Bible Study on Premillenialism with my Eldest. This is taking forever at 10 minutes a day but you know the saying about the slow but steady.

730 am. My Son wakes up.

8am My Middle daughter is awake as well. She has a late entry today. We three have Bible Time on Proverbs.

9 am I phone a friend while I throw a load of laundry in and put away dishes.

10 am I am out the door to get groceries. Since it is not "$30 coupon day", it goes pretty smoothly. I get box of 16 donuts for $2.49.

11:30 am I talk myself out of checking my blog for comments and put away the groceries instead.

12:00 pm Hubby arrives home. He is able to regularly make it home for lunch. Son is staying at school for lunch today as he is in the choir set up crew. ( I hear that they also get to be props as well) I make a special lunch for the two of us- salmon sandwich on ciabatta buns, gouda cheese slices, raw vegetables and tomato juice in wine glasses.

1:00 pm Hubby had to leave early. I put on my headset phone and make a call while I put laundry away and do the dishes. Phone pal has to leave so I phone another and talk while cleaning out the kitty litter box and emptying the garbage.

Oh no it is already 3:00 pm. My Middle daughter arrives home. Time for a snack. I realize I forgot to do my aerobic exercises but it is too late by the time I remember because I absolutely have to work on...

4:00 pm ...the income tax. I get my Hubby's done but mine is still on the To Do list. The Kids' chore is to clean their rooms.

6:15 pm My Eldest daughter walks out on this meal. The meat was too stringy, she said. I make a comment in my cookbook to try another cut of beef. I think the others would have liked to walk out too but they wanted the donuts too much. Hubby thanked me for the meal and acknowledged the time it took. I feel discouraged by the meal. Hubby and I clean up.

7:00 pm We get kids started on their homework.

7:30 pm I do my Bible Study.

8:30 pm I do another set of physio exercises. Then I have my donut with milk because I was too full to have it after supper. I was the only one to have seconds on the steak.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

I like to listen in on conversations and not commit myself in most discussions of personal opinions. I guess I feel I do not have enough information. Information gathering is a prerequisite for an educated opinion.

Where is information to be found, especially the accurate kind?

Newspapers and magazines are biased and provide readers their choice of preferred slant. Other media is similiar. I find that the film industry tends to be more permissive as artists resist restrictions because they feel frustrated by limitations. Artists need liberality in order to express whatever they find inside of themselves; they are the world's mirror. Without art, we would be robots and robots can't can't feel or love and they can have no empathy.Other people uphold the security of law and order, without which, this world would be undisciplined chaos with no consequences to actions. The details of exactness are as much a necessity to our lives as the strokes of the artists' vision.

(I prefer the purity of an unbiased report.)

Even the information found in the sacredness of scientific data can be corrupted or misunderstood. One week, coffee is good for you, the next it causes cancer. This waffling of scientific conclusions is confusing. Patience is required to make proper deductions as it is in formulating good opinions.

Opinions are mainly based on personal feelings and experiences which do not require the knowledge of anyone else's views or of any other data. This insufficient induction lacks the full range of an informed opinion. Really, an informed opinion is an oxymoron. An informed opinion is, in fact, wisdom. Wisdom would gather all the data available, like a good scientist, and think about it with the thoughtful reflection of an artist. Opinions are second rate, quickly made assumptions which are easier to form than sagacity, which requires more work.

What I have been searching for is wisdom, not opinion. This makes me understand my reluctance to share. Still, even the sharing of an opinion (imperfectly formed as it may be) can bring one closer to wisdom as others test and challenge it. This trial by fire can purify an idea.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

My son wrote, "My opinion on the environment is that it is getting polluted. The oceans are dirty from our waste. Our air is getting polluted by our waste. We shouldn't use our cars too much because then it would pollute the air. I think we should take all the trash and launch it up into space so it can just keep moving on through space till it passes Pluto and goes into deep space. As well, people could make special machines that takes pollution in the air and makes it fresh air again..."

My son's article prompted a discussion on the Kyoto Accord after supper. This is an international treaty to try to reduce global warming by limiting industrial emissions of green house gases. The dangers which can result from these gases range from weather changes to mass extinctions. Canada is committed to participation.

I feel like a child because I am not well informed on this issue. Sometimes it is easier to just trust other people that are supposed to be more educated on the subject. Even so, my son expressed his opinion well, so I will try to do the same.

I watched the movie, "The Day After Tomorrow." Critics and science experts alike said that the movie could not realistically happen. The magnitude of the storms and the quickness of the development was impossible they said. Even so, hyperbole is always an effective way to teach and warn.

Then a few months later we witnessed the severity of a tsunami.

We can't let greed or apathy determine our actions for the future depends on our choices. If a eleven year old can list several possible solutions to pollution then I know that we,adults, can find the knowledge and the interest to deal with the possible dangers threatening us. There are many trusting in our decisions.

Friday, April 22, 2005

There were no bookstores in the small city where I grew up but there was a library. I could spend a couple of hours trying to decide which books to take out. After I had read all the hard covered Nancy Drews, I graduated myself to the adult fiction just for the lack of other choices. My older sister was unimpressed with one selection in particular. I had shamelessly chosen a paperback with a nude man and woman on the cover. "What was the librarian thinking," she said but I was undeterred and snuck my way through to the end anyways.Afterwards, I quietly returned the book to the librarian's desk with the cover of the couple in the garden faced down.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

1. a Christian. Actually, I am ecstatic about being a member of His body.2. married to a good man since 1986. He has a gentle and kind spirit.3. a Mommy. I enjoy this role of watching out for the family.4. a good friend.5. loyal.6. an introvert.7. improving at a lot of things8. such as not to be a perfectionit for example.9. a Canadian.10. a writer.11. getting better at debating.12. kind.13. a serious Bible student.14. learning to deal with my weaknesses.15. childlike.16. becoming more focused.17. intelligent.18. dealing with life instead of running away.19. healthy but20. good to myself when I am sick.21. willing to listen and understand what others are saying.22. recuperating quicker from negative thinking.23. having difficulty overlooking my weaknesses.24. taking care of my children well.25. worrying less.26. observing more.27. gaining confidence.28. articulate at times.29. using my creativity more.30. a poet.31. compassionate.32.enjoying the writing experience.33. able to let myself have a day off.34. obsessive about things that are good for me too.35. learning to think for myself.36. learning to accept that I make mistakes.37. humorous sometimes.38. exercising. I still like Jane Fonda and walking the best.39. trying.40. really weird at times.41. a book collector42. and a reader of books.43. learning to appreciate myself.44. alive45. and carrying on.46. native Indian (aboriginal in politically correct terms but it doesn't sound natural to me.)47. thinking more abstractly.48. not fat nor compulsively thin anymore.49. persevering.50. becoming aware that I have limitations. Some of them might be my own choices too. I can't do everything.51. a scheduler.52. prioritizing.53. a health care worker.54. dedicated to what I put my hand to.55. able to see some of my imperfections objectively.56. insightful.57. caring of other people's feelings.58. a motivator to those that don't mind.59. more able to see outside of myself.60. able to keep a neat and organized home.61. a cat person.62. a seeker of truth. I found where to look for it.63. a thinker.64. considerate.65. learning flexibility.66. attractive.67. getting a tad more assertive.68. honest.69. recognizing consistency is important.70. doubtful of myself.71. used to my progressive lenses!73. turning to God for help.74. a film buff.75. sentimental and nostalgic at times.76. logical.77. not living in a war torn country.78. enjoying a great life.79. not a giver upper. Although I may sit down for a bit to catch my breath.80. not above being wrong, although it usually takes awhile to admit it.81. an overcomer.82. spiritual.83. getting better at mingling.84. able to forgive others85. including myself, but it takes a little longer.86. serious.87. silly.88. appreciative of what I have been given.89. artistically inclined.90. attentive to details, except for spelling and grammar mistakes!91. a daydreamer.92. a second hand shopper.93. a note keeper.94. able to read my journals back to when I was 13 yrs.95. able to say that my bestfriend and I have been friends since 1970.96. able to stay at home for the most part to take care of the homefront. I only work 2 or 3 shifts a week.97. capable of seeing the meaning underneath the surface.98. able to write 100 things I like about myself!99. glad to be in my forties. Life has not felt so good since I was thirteen.100. looking forward to a happy eternity.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Yesterday, I had to pick up an art portfolio for my daughter. The closest art supply store was the one at the university. I love being on campus.

I went to university after high school, over twenty five years ago. The first day was hectic and filled with feelings of adventure as I raced to find each room. Adrenaline pumped as I met many new faces,this was rare to a small town girl. This was the beginning of my Life Away.

It was sky-blue with just a hint of a breeze and I felt eighteen again with anticipation. It was not just to be surrounded by books but to be in amidst the young people and their learning. This was Inspiration.

I eagerly raced through the book aisles until the fever subsided and I knew it was time to leave. I sat on a bench outside under the sun realizing I do not want to be a formal student again although I enjoy learning but slowly and meditatively. Oh but still, the air is so sweet.

Monday, April 18, 2005

"That night, Otter Woman tossed on her pallet of pine branches thinking of other things she had noticed. White women could not make peace inside their lodges. Day after day they fought dust and dirt. They made war on everything-clothes, pots, floors; fighting with lye soap, scouring ashes, straw brooms, and feather dusters. Otter Woman felt sorry for these white squaws who did not realize that dust and dirt were just a part of life to be endured like a bad, cold, hunger or mosquitoes." quote from Sacajawea by Anna Lee Waldo

This is one of my favorite quotes from Sacajawea which I am officially finished now that my book review is done.

Ever since I was a child I have had a problem with doing household chores. Both of my sisters still resent me for not helping with the housework as a child. I remember my older sister dragging me to the sink to dry a few dishes but you know what it says about taking a horse to water. I was a stinker for sure. Mom kinda threw in the towel over this. I do not recall ever vacuuming or dusting, much to the other two's chagrin.

My Indian Mother on the other hand, was a real cleaning fanatic. She was taught well by the nuns at the residential school about keeping a clean house, her nativeness was cleaned out of her as well.

After I had moved away from home, whenever she came to visit she would end up cleaning. My roommate and I finally forbade her to and told her just to sit down and relax. "Where is Mom," I asked my roomie. "I don't know!" Then we would both rush to the bathroom to find her scrubbing the bathroom to a shine.

When my sisters came to visit, they were not so cordial. One would stand with a towel beside the tub, sighing. I would reply by pulling out the scrub brush to guiltily ready the tub fit for an occupant. If I had remained as spunky as I had been as a child, I would have handed her the brush and ran!

Now, I am somewhat better but not better enough not to be amused by Otter Woman's observation. My Mom was caught in the crossfire between cultures really. She would fuss if the window curtains were not hanging straight. "Do you want people to think that Indians live here?" she would cry. "But Mom, we are...."

Saturday, April 16, 2005

I received a phonecall tonight from Kathy, a past preacher's wife. She,her husband and two children moved back to the States almost two years ago. At the time of their departure, I was distraught and heartbroken. I had grown to love this family which cared so much for the truth and for me, too.

One of the mementos they were given from the congregation was a music box. Kathy told me tonight that her 5 year old daughter winds that music box up before bed and while the music plays, she thinks about the people she left in Canada.

We have found ways to heal.

Others are still here and I am learning to love their zeal too with a love that can break a heart.

Friday, April 15, 2005

I picked up this book on memory at some used bookstore, can't remember where, but I have been reading it lately whenever I have to wait for appointments. I was recollecting or should I say, trying to recollect some key points to my girlfriend as we went for a walk, this fine spring day.

"Plato said... what did Plato say? Well I do remember that Aristotle, Freud and Pavlov were also mentioned," I said as I recalled some of the more famous experts on memory. Actually, I made an important point as classification is one of the ways to improve memory, according to Aristotle. See, the recall button still does work!

Another solution is to be interested in the topic you are trying to learn about. I could argue that I am interested in memory improvements but maybe at the time of reading, I was more interested in listening in on the hairdresser's conversation with another client or thinking about what to blog the day that I waited for my daughter's dermatologist.

This brings me to the major reason that people have memory problems.They are trying to concentrate on more than one thing at a time. This could be the problem as my mind is usually focused on me and whatever.

This memory book could be a little outdated. It is from 1957 but I found this reason also given in a recent parenting newsletter. It referred to the phenomena as "Mommy Brain." It also suggested doing less multi-tasking. I feel a little insulted by this insinuation that mommies are not capable of walking and chewing gum at the same time, even though I have found eggs and potatoes in the freezer. I refuse to give up the multi-tasking necessity that comes with being a housewife, mainly of being able to talk on a headset phone while doing the household chores.

However, I am not finished exploring the possible solutions to my dilemma and I remember what I wanted to tell my girlfriend. " Plato was the first to think about memory!" Now I don't feel so bad.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

I found this interesting questionnaire today. The results will be used by a graduate student at the University of Florida. She needs the survey back by April 15,2005 though so hurry if you want to submit a reply. The link to her request is http://www.derekwebb.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=12224

I have left out the identifiers here so as to retain my anonymity.

Do you blog? Yes.

What is the name of your blog? A Revision

How long have you been blogging? Feb 19,2005Why did you want to start? (What was its' appeal?) I originally wanted to have a book blog about whatever book I was currently reading, to attach to my Book Review web page. After starting, I decided there was more that I wanted to say. One of the appeals is writing to a possible audience.

How often do you update your blog? Daily.Are you happy with how often you update? Why or why not? Yes, I look forward to the writing.

How would you classify the people who read your blog? Can you categorize them? (In other words, who do you believe is your audience?) I think that my audience are the spiritual, the thinkers, the poets and the searchers. Also there is an appeal to women and mothers but I hope that everyone from the humorists to the theologians will read.

Do you know any of the people who read you blog personally (or in real life)? Why or why not? If you do know any of them personally why did you choose to meet him or her? I have yet to meet any of the people who read my blog. It seems as though the anonymity creates a polite distance between most bloggers.

Do you keep any other kinds of "journals" besides your blog? Why or why not? I have a personal journal as well but I haven't been writing in it lately. Blogging is just too much fun.

If you keep a "traditional" journal, is there any difference between your online and the pen and paper version? What kind of similarities are there? Differences? Yes there are differences. The pen and paper is not grammatically edited. There is more variety of ideas in my blog. I am more creative in my blogging. My journal is more for problem solving. I can complain, and feel sorry for myself, knowing that this is only a means to the end of getting better. While in my blog I like sharing the answers that I have found from my introspection. The similarity is that the journal is like a rough copy of the inner me while the blog is the more polished version.

Which do you like better, on-line journals or traditional journals? Why? Right at the moment I am really enjoying the blogging experience. I like the more formal writing experience; it is like writing a daily column for me. Also, I like the interaction with fellow bloggers.

What is your language itself like when you blog? Do you edit for spelling errors, capitalization, or grammar? Why or why not? My language is better when I blog. I check for errors as well as I can. I was not aware of how bad my grammar and spelling is.

Do you think it is important to do this? Why or why not? Yes, it is important for me to do this. I want to be a better communicator so this is very helpful to me. As well, blogging has helped me to think positively about myself and my experiences.

What subjects do you write about in your blog? Is there any topic that is off- limits? Why or why not? I write poems and anecdotes from my spiritual and family life. I am not a coarse person.

Is there anything else you think I should know about why blogging is important or about why you blog? It is a great way to meet people from all over the world. I like meeting the inside person.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Sunday afternoon is our family time. Yesterday,the request was to go to a large bookstore chain. Our daughter, who made the suggestion,had ulterior motives though. The new Star Wars book was in.They used to have couches in this bookstore but young couples were getting too comfortable so they replaced them with hard backed chairs which are not conducive to cuddling. That was alright for my daughter though as she prefers the floor. I thought I would leave once she settled in for a good read.My son, as always, asked what the dollar rule was. This is the amount of money we will pay for a purchase while they pay the difference from their allowance. He had already decided upon a guitar chord book which was a good, practical choice. Usually, he is scrambling to find anything to use his/our money on.I found my husband in the computer section looking at a dummies' guide to making a million on the internet. Maybe it is a lack of materialism that made me think, "Hey,this could interfere with my blogging time!"I love browsing in a bookstore but I prefer the second hand shops. The classics appeal to me more when they are a little worn into life like a Velveteen Rabbit with marked margins and creased covers. At these new stores, I tend to check out the bargain books first. I think with a sigh, "This could be me some day."Then I look through the "wouldn't want to buy but good to look at" section. I checked out a book called The Worst Album Covers Ever. I learned there were even records of ventriloquism but apparently ventriloquists are not too adept at album design. I do think that being a ventriloquist on a record shows great ingenuity. I found that one of the LP's that I used to have made the list. No, not the one by the singing midget!I also saw a Best of Blogs book. I looked to see if there was anybody I knew, but well, not yet.My daughter, the Star Wars fan, was elated because she found out the ending to The Revenge of the Siths.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

People who are sick from the seasonal bouts of colds and flus need to get the gumption to break free from guilt toa. call in sick for work, that is what sick time is for. Your co-workers will appreciate it.b. forsake out of love for the assembly. (church members will understand)c. enjoy the healing of staying in bed.d. stop doing, even if you are a mother.e. use medications to function if you have to.f. don't shake someone's hand if you have been coughing or sneezing into it.g. take advice from a previously sick person. There is a collection of cold remedies to be had from sympathetic recoverers.h. if no one is being sympathetic, be so to yourself.i. all of the above.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Once a month, a huge grocery chain in town offers a thirty dollar coupon for those willing, in exchange, to push a cart full of two-hundred and fifty dollars of groceries around their sprawling store. Today was grocery day.

Invariably, I choose the shopping cart with a faulty wheel that veers to one side. I end up fighting a cart that wants to go in a circle.Since I am a thrifty shopper, the two hundred and fifty dollars goes a long way but the cart ends up weighing two hundred and fifty pounds. I've had fellow shoppers admiring my strength of bench pressing my cart.I have gotten quite adept at stacking the groceries in the cart, but not as good as a friend of mine who strategically would hang shopping bags around her cart to prevent the inevitable overflow fallout. She also made a blueprint of the store so her route was pretty sophisticated. I ran into her once there ( not literally) and she looked incredibly relaxed. Boy, she made it look easy.I have also gotten quite skilled at placing groceries on the conveyor belt. The heavier items must go on first, for if I mistakenly put the bread on first, I will have to try to convince my family that this is the flatbread that is so popular in the States.

You would think that by now the worst would be over and I could rejoice in my thirty dollar savings but wait, I have yet to pack them. Of course I am as fastidious in packing as I am in stacking.The climax though is the trip out to the vehicle. I've had items fall out of the cart while the wheels get stuck in the snow and I've had the cart threaten to take off down a slippery slope while I bend to pick up another fallen item.Today went pretty well though, I only had one near mishap with a pregnant lady.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

At coffee today the moms were talking what they would have done differently if they had to raise their kids over again. I realized that this implies that there has been some growth in the parent as well.

I would have not cared if there were cheerios on the floor. Nowadays we have a cat that loves finding these treasures.I wouldn't care that my daughter didn't eat all the food on her plate. She used to frustrate me by agreeing to put the food in her mouth but refusing to swallow it. I have found that my boy is more cooperative with dietetics. It is important to know who you can talk food groups with.I would have ordered pizza more often.I would have volunteered less and instead read Anne of Green Gables and Tom Sawyer with my own children.I would have been extra nice to myself so I could be cheerfully disposed towards my family.

Monday, April 04, 2005

she cries at the death of another, "It is not real. See, I can tell from over here that it is nothing."So the pebble takes a glance before plunging to skip on the water as only a flat one can do. It ripples and falls to the bottom.

Friday, April 01, 2005

There is a new Respectful Workplace Policy at work. It is posted everywhere, but until today I had not read it. One of the bullets that caught my attention was that communication should be open and honest.

Many years ago when I was new in the department, one of my co-workers confided to me that she was diagnosed with manic-depression. I don't know if she told this to everybody but I was warmed and intrigued by her openness and honesty.I did keep my eyes on her for signs of manic or depressive behavior. I noticed that she missed days and at other times she was engaged in what sounded like counselling sessions with the supervisors.More so,I noticed her joking manner. She likes to shoot elastics at the unsuspecting and dance while she works. She has a wonderfully mischievious face framed by short silver hair.

Often, she will tease me about my quietness. She told me that she used to be shy too and wouldn't say a word. I doubt that but she insists upon it. She says she was eventually able to change to no longer care what people think about her.

This is probably not what management meant by its' policy but it is nice nonetheless.