Sunday, 13 June 2010

Saturday, 12 June 2010

What happened, you ask? I took her out to dinner and had a few drinks afterwards. I was thinking about going to the cinema, but it turned out she doesn't like movies much.

It was a pleasant evening. We had fun and we had somewhat serious conversation. But I just couldn't figure out what she was thinking; she was giving such ambivalent and unclear signs. Eventually I found out she "doesn't know" how she felt -- not the "I say I don't know but I really mean no" thing, but actually not knowing.

I do like her (and she knows). But the age thing is a bigger obstacle than I first imagined.

She's 18. I'm 27.

Now, I believe that this doesn't have to be a problem. But in this case, I think it is. Don't think me rude if I say this, but I feel she's still halfway into puberty. Which is fine (puberty is where most people find their identity) but doesn't exactly make for a stable relationship with a guy who's (for the most part) out of puberty for nearly a decade.

I think I'm going to go for friendship on this one. She's a nice girl and our conversation went so much smoother without the pressure.

Darn, I'll just have to keep looking for another cute girl. I hope The Powers That Be read this blog still.

Thursday, 10 June 2010

It is a strange thing to ponder, this concept of 'me'. How does one define it? What makes one person different from another?

There is a part in a child's development where it learns that there is a difference between it and other people. It's fairly easy (and safe) to test with toddlers: Hide some object, let someone leave the room, hide the object somewhere else, let the person return, and ask where the person will start looking for the object. If the toddler points to the new hiding place, it has not grasped the concept of 'me versus you' (and therefore having a different knowledge of where to look for said object) yet. Most animals never get past this stage, although more do than you might think.

'Me' must be different from other people and from the world. Wherein lies that difference? What makes me 'me'?

Curiously, a person's character is not as consistent as is often thought. How one behaves or reacts changes, and it changes a lot. In fact, instead of thinking of ourselves as, for example, "being someone who enjoys cooking" does not make us cook more often, but rather it is the other way around. If someone cooks often, the mind makes up this idea that, apparently, they "are someone who enjoys cooking" (otherwise, why would they keep doing that?).

Confused yet?

Many scholars are now of the opinion that there is not, in fact, such a thing as 'free will'. What we perceive to be our own free will is, supposedly, merely a collection of genetics and experience that makes us act in one way or another.

If such a thing is true, can there truly be such a thing as 'me'?

I don't know; I don't have any answers. I just like the questions. (Or rather, I ask the questions a lot and therefore I think I like them.)

Perhaps there is no answer to this question. And perhaps there is no 'you' to ask it. But that makes this strange place called life an even more complicated, magical and wonderful thing.

Wednesday, 9 June 2010

Monday, 7 June 2010

Alright, it appears The Powers That Be have heard or read my rant, earlier this week. The one about not having a girl I like fall in love with me.

It appears fate has send a very cute girl my way. And, miracles do happen, it seems she's into me, too. I haven't been this happy in years. I hardly remembered the feeling of butterflies, but I certainly remember now.

Alright, I might be getting ahead of myself. I've only met her once. And neither she or I have expressed our interest verbally, but some things are wordless.

Which brings me to my favorite part so far... We've got a date.

Yes, a date; that very American concept. I want to get to know her better; hell, I want to know everything about her! This dragon's maiden; this eagle girl. Cute and sweet and smart.

I know, I know. I could go on forever, but I'm sure it wouldn't be very interesting to you, dear reader. So let me just say... upsydaisy.

Saturday, 5 June 2010

Alright, perhaps I've heard Thriller too many times, or read too many vampire novels. But I truly enjoy the night time. The quiet streets, the darkness draped like velvet across the landscape, the full moon a single watchful eye, the hushed movements of nocturnal animals... Night is a magical place.

It is therefore sad to notice that in a lot of places, this magical scene is disturbed. Bright artificial lights, noisy cars and loud music crash through the fragile darkness. Soon 'night' will be, for many people, just another time of day; no different from it's suntouched counterpart.

Will this be a bad thing, you ask? I believe it will, yes.

Even besides the fact that many animals that live at night will flee or die, and that people need some time and place to rest, the thing I consider to be worst, is the loss of magic, of mystery.

There is not enough magic in the world as it is.

Night is the most magical moment of any day. The expressions "things that go bump in the night" and "witching hour" are testimony that many mystique creatures awake and events happen between dusk and dawn. Full moon attracts werewolves, while vampires generally only come out when the sun can't find them. The darkness is equated with secrecy and danger.

Even if the danger are only creations of the mind, there is magic in the time of night. Reason, blessed though it is, rids the world of too many miracles already.

Let this dark mystery survive the age of reason and light.

Before time, before the light, there was darkness... and thus will it end.

Thursday, 3 June 2010

Don't get me wrong; I am pleased to know that I am, apparently, attractive in some way to a person of the opposite sex and of about the same age. That I am not cursed to stay alone for the rest of my lonely life, or something melodramatic like that.

No, I am not displeased to know that a girl has a crush on me. What I am displeased about, is that it is her. Not any of the ones I have some sort of interest in.

Some advice here, some good conversation, some innocent digital flirting (well, I thought it was innocent) and there she goes, head over heels. Declaring her love to some faunt she hardly knows.

Not that she is unkind or unpretty or even unfriendly. I like having her as a friend. But there is just none of the sweet fluffy love stuff, on my side of the story. Her jigsaw piece doesn't fit mine that way.