Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Little things really can lead to big things. Those little things are called cookies. The big ones are known as thighs.

Queen Elizabeth was asked if she planned to give Kate Middleton a baby shower. The queen said, "Kate is old enough to wash herself."

Queen Elizabeth said she hates baby shower activities. She said if she wanted to watch adults play stupid games, she'd just watch Charles play polo.

Queen Elizabeth said she doesn't expect life to change much when Kate and William's soon-to-be child starts crawling around the palace. She said she's used to infant behavior since Philip has reverted to his second childhood.

Michelle Obama is getting a lot of criticism for her new haircut with bangs. She said she went for less hair to sympathize with her husband who is pulling out his hair because of having to deal with Congress.

Nude men in Vienna attended a private showing of a museum exhibit called Nude Men from 1800 to Today. While that was unusual, museum officials down-played the event by keeping details to a bare minimum.

I live next door to a couple of gang members named Spanky and Alfalfa. I know for a fact they're violent because their dog, Pete, always has a black eye.

I live in a really bad neighborhood. It's so bad the residents don't take showers. They take blood baths.

I live in a nice, quiet neighborhood. At night, it is so quiet all you can hear is a mockingbird imitating gunfire and sirens.

I'm not too keen on gun ownership. But, I do love my Old West traditional six-shooters Gary, Larry, Barry, Harry, Jerry and Bob.

If I were a cougar, I would definitely set standards. For example, I wouldn't date cowboys. I would date cow toddlers.

SEE ME LIVE

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 20 – 8 PM (Theater)
"The Angel Academy" – written and directed by Chris BerubeNext Stage Theater1523 N La BreaHollywood, CA** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo** Agents get in free by showing industry card

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 23 – 2 PM (Standup)
Private Show – Million LaughsMetropolitan State Hospital Prison UnitNorwalk, CA** If you would like to hire Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe for your next event, contact Will and Yvonne Morton at will@millionlaughs.com

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 27 – 8 PM (Theater)"The Angel Academy" – written and directed by Chris BerubeNext Stage Theater1523 N La BreaHollywood, CA** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo** Agents get in free by showing industry card

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 6 – 8 PM (Theater)
"The Angel Academy" – written and directed by Chris BerubeNext Stage Theater1523 N La BreaHollywood, CA** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo** Agents get in free by showing industry card

SATURDAY, MARCH 16 – 12:45 PM (Standup)Private Show – Million LaughsVeterans Hospital Nursing UnitLong Beach, CA** If you would like to hire Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe for your next event, contact Will and Yvonne Morton at will@millionlaughs.com

SUNDAY, MARCH 17 – 7 PM (Standup)Private Show – Million LaughsWhittier First DayWhittier, CA** If you would like to hire Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe for your next event, contact Will and Yvonne Morton at will@millionlaughs.com

About Me

I am an award-winning professional journalist and comedy writer. I've written for newspapers, magazines, radio, television, headlining comedians and politicians. I also do standup, inspirational speaking and acting. I'm a Texas native with a drawl that drips slower than molasses. This blog is updated each week, so please come back for a visit.