Where Stuff Gets Rated

Tag: jobs

These are the pants doctors and nurses wear. They’re like sweatpants it’s okay to wear to work. I’m a little scared of them because once I saw a case of scrub pants and they had an expiration date and I can’t imagine what would happen if pants expired, but I’m sure I can’t rule out explosions. 3.9/5

This is a thing where you pay people like a dollar an hour to platonically snuggle you. I always kind of thought this was a joke but it turns out St. Louis has at least two professional cuddling services with offices and everything, and it’s not like St. Louis is known for having stuff. When Ikea finally built a store here we painted it in our city mural at the airport. Anyway, I assumed I wouldn’t be interested in paying people to touch me when I don’t like people to touch me for free, but it seems like I don’t know myself as well as I thought, because I kind of want to do this. 4.0/5

A second job, with the connotation that the job is not the kind of thing you have to fill out a W-4 form to do. You might be forgiven for thinking that this is my side hustle, but Stuff Rater has only ever cost me money because sometimes I forget to take my pants off before I sit down to write and change falls out of my pocket and into the couch, never to be seen again. 2.9/5

This is a theory that attempts to explain why management is so horrible by postulating that every time a worker is competent at their current job they get promoted, until finally they reach a level at which they can never attain competence, and then they stay at that level forever. I’m going to have to call BS on this one, though, because I have been in the workforce for almost 20 years and I have never seen a competent person get any sort of promotion. 1.3/5

Duckworth is Scrooge McDuck’s butler. He wears a tuxedo, including pants, in a world where pants acceptance is iffy at best and only appears in episodes where the premise is “today, Duckworth isn’t the butler.” 3.3/5