There's one good thing about 'Pirates 5," and there's not nearly enough of it in the movie

Warning: There are some spoilers ahead for "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales."

If you're planning to see the new "Pirates of the Caribbean" for your Orlando Bloom fix, think again. Bloom is undoubtedly the best part of "Pirates 5," but there's not nearly enough of him in the movie.

Despite being teased in marketing for the film, it turns out he has nothing more than a glorified cameo. It's a bit of a bummer because his return comes after an absence from the fourth film in the franchise.

Diehard fans of Will Turner's story will only care for the first and last 10 minutes of this film. Disney

It's even more of a bummer because, as a viewer, you believe Bloom may be in a large part of the movie. The fifth film in the series wastes no time opening up on his character, Will Turner. But after spending all of about five minutes with the character, you don't see him again until the film's end. The entire movie you're left wondering whether or not he'll pop up somewhere in between and it's slightly frustrating.

Instead, "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales," follows Henry Turner (Brenton Thwaites), Will and Elizabeth Swann's son, who has been on a lifelong mission to free his father from the curse of the Dutchman placed upon him in 2007's "At the World's End." Yes, even though the film's plot is reliant on the return of Bloom's character from the first three films, Will Turner is barely in the movie itself.

Will Turner tells his son he needs to forget about freeing him, but that doesn't stop Henry. Disney

Turner is searching for the trident of Poseidon, which would conveniently allow him to break the curse. And, the trident wouldn't just break that curse — it conveniently breaks any and all curses. It's a wonder no one has sought this out in one of the previous adventures.

This is how Turner finds himself teaming up with Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp), who knew his father, and astronomer Carina Smyth (Kaya Scodelario), who is the only person who knows how to find the trident.

Of course, the two have their own agendas for finding the trident. Carina hopes it will help her find her father while Jack has his own problems getting a crew of undead pirate hunters, led by Javier Bardem, off his back.

Bardem's character, Captain Salazar, has some beef with Jack Sparrow for making his crew a ghastly band of undead years ago. Disney

It's clear Disney wants Thwaites and Scodelario to potentially kick off their own trilogy of adventures starting with "Dead Men Tell No Tales." Just look at them and the two basically look like a knockoff Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann. But don't be fooled. They're no Bloom and Knightley. Never does the young Turner feel like the swashbuckling hero that his dad was as he fumbles with undead sharks and later finds himself captured. He's not the savior in the film, but the one that needs saving.

Disney wants Carina and Henry to be the new Elizabeth Swann and Will Turner. Disney

Instead, the film is supposed to be a vehicle for a female lead, and while Smyth is better, her character gets weighed down by a silly joke about her being a horologist (a studier of time). Naturally, the pirates think the word means something else, and it's one of several cheap jokes that'll have you rolling your eyes.

And as for Depp's Jack Sparrow, he has this routine down by now. He stumbles along with his rum, delivering one-liners that mostly fall flat. He's perhaps the luckiest fool to sail the seas, narrowly escaping death several times. A small highlight comes during an unexpected conversation with an Uncle Jack, played by Sir Paul McCartney. That cameo came about from Depp simply texting his friend.

Otherwise, the beats of the film are predictable and stuffed with few surprises. Sparrow says no one has ever been able to find the trident of Poseidon and you know it's going to be found by the film's end. Carina reads a star map that only she can understand. A father and daughter reunion nobody asked for feels pigeonholed into the film. And Javier Bardem's crew of undead pirate hunters gets unleashed only after Sparrow gives away the compass he's been holding onto throughout every film way too easily.

"Dead Men Tell No Tales" is fine, but it shows where the franchise is starting to wear. The jokes — many of which are at the expense of women and sex — feel tired, signaling it may be time for Depp to retire the pirate garb soon. At this point, "Pirates" is just a money vehicle.