Silas reveals that he did take his car in for repairs, but he thought they were made while the car was parked at his building. Finally realizing that someone else could have been driving the car, Sam and Patrick first wonder if it's Kiki, then Rafe. Kiki tells them that Rafe stole money from Sam, who remembers that he also stole money from Franco, and that he was upset when she told him Gabriel had died. Rafe overhears them talking and realizes he's busted. Michael gives Levi a number of chances but ends up leaving his fate to the police – namely Nathan. Nathan lectures Levi on squatting (which he can't do while living in their apartment) and has him arrested. Maxie gets annoyed and pushes him, which means Nathan can arrest her for assaulting an officer. But she struggles so much while he's trying to cuff her that they wind up handcuffed to each other. Ava tells Delia about 75 percent of the reason she's under house arrest, then asks her to help find the incriminating recording. Delia's perturbed that Ava invited her there because she's annoying, but she agrees to help. Alice overhears Tracy plotting against Michael and calls to warn him. Lulu has the procedure that will let her carry a child, and it's successful, so now can we stop talking about it? It's Shawn's turn to do exposition with Sonny. Olivia doesn't buy the excuse Sonny gave Dante about sabotaging their relationship because of Connie.

I thought Spinelli deleted the part of the recording that incriminates Sonny. I'm confused.

Writer: "...And then they get handcuffed to each other!" Other writers: (cricket noises)

Things I never knew I needed but now can't live without: a Quartermaine puppet show.

July 2nd, 2014

Dante overhears Patrick telling Silas and Sam that he's getting the police involved, and he joins them as they search for Rafe. Silas tries to convince the others to take it easy, but that ain't gonna happen. Meanwhile, Rafe goes to the apartment, where he catches Nina standing and plotting against Silas and Sam. Nina promises to keep quiet about his drug use and the accident if he'll keep her secrets. She also gives him money and encourages him to leave town. Maxie and Nathan bicker, lose the handcuff key, flail a lot, and finally head home to free themselves. Before Alice can tell Michael what Tracy's up to, she collapses and stops breathing. Ned pops in to ask Alexis to verify if Tracy and Luke's annulment papers are the real deal. Alexis suggests that Tracy is playing him and Michael. T.J. tells Molly about Rafe's drug use, so she heads off to talk to Silas about it.

Kirsten Storms and Ryan Paevey are giving me shades of old-school Lucy and Kevin, and I love it.

Rosalie sends Rafe off while Nina tells Silas, Dante, and Sam that she came home to find him fleeing. Rosalie pretends she chased after him but couldn't catch him. After Dante and Sam head off to catch him, and Rosalie is let go for the night, Nina takes advantage of the situation to spend some time with Silas. Meanwhile, Molly catches Rafe about to leave and gets in his car to make him talk to her. Sam and Dante try to stop him, but he takes off. While the police set up a roadblock, Rafe confesses all of his sins to Molly, then reveals that the accident wasn't really an accident: Someone made him run Patrick off the road. Before he can elaborate, he crashes into a police barrier. Maxie and Nathan try to stop blaming each other for their predicament, though he won't go so far as to let Levi off the hook. Elizabeth has plans to see the fireworks with Nikolas and Spencer, but Britt ruins them and takes her place, thanks to an assist from Spencer. Emma faces the reality that her parents probably aren't going to get back together. T.J.'s stuck waiting for Molly with Alexis, and it's painfully awkward.

I think we all know what happens next: Molly's in a coma for a few weeks, and when she wakes up, she starts wearing leather jackets and wants to work for Sonny.

A tweet from Nancy Lee Grahn, who's currently in South Africa: "A beautiful South African woman just told me to get Molly out of the car. It doesn't even air here. Im confused."

Could Nathan and Maxie be more adorable? I think only if there were puppies involved.

Week in review:Funniest moments (intentional): Nina: "That's so my fault." Rosalie: "I believe you"; Morgan calling Levi "Kangaroo Ken"; Delia saying "Corinthoses"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Alice saying she needs to get back into Dominator shape while Bergen Williams has never looked better
Saddest moment: Emma worrying about Robin and Patrick getting divorced
Sweetest/cutest moment: Morgan trying to reassure Alice
Least believable moment: Dante kicking in the door to Silas' apartment when other people could have been there (though, considering how much Dante sucks at his job, I shouldn't be surprised)
Best instance of continuity: Maxie committed perjury for Michael
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Hero of the week: Morgan
Most annoying characters: Nina, Levi (as usual)
Smartest character: Alexis, who knows the Quartermaines better than the Quartermaines do
Dumbest character: Ava, who didn't realize that moving Delia in to bug Sonny would require actually living with Delia
Best/most memorable moment of the week: All of Maxie and Nathan's scenes on the 2nd

The week in a nutshell:

Sam, Patrick, and Silas slowly figured out that Rafe was behind the crash that killed Gabriel. Rafe got a heads-up via eavesdropping and an aiding-and-abetting from Nina and Rosalie, allowing him a head start in attempting to leave town. Molly found him and tagged along. Rafe repaid her by driving them into a barricade.

Nathan was called to Maxie and Levi's sit-in, and while Levi was successfully arrested, Maxie and Nathan accidentally ended up handcuffed to each other.

Nina paid off her physical therapist so she and Rosalie could keep pretending she's helpless and needs to stay at Silas'.

Delia moved in with Sonny and Ava, agreeing to help Ava find the recording from A.J.'s phone.

Alice overheard Tracy on the phone with Fluke, scheming against Michael. She tried to warn Michael but had some sort of medical emergency before she could.

Britt's scheme to spend July 4th with Nikolas actually paid off.

Carly stopped Franco before he could tell Michael that Sonny killed A.J.

Lulu can carry a baby now.

July 5th, 2014

Next week: Tracy blackmails Alice. Oh, TRACY.

July 7th, 2014

Molly and Rafe are taken to the hospital while Patrick tells Alexis and T.J. that Rafe may have been responsible for Gabriel's death, and they tell him that Rafe's been using drugs. At GH, Patrick can't keep himself from confronting Rafe, who seems to want to come clean. Ava and Delia stage a fight so Delia has an excuse to leave the house and search Sonny's office for the recording. Monica takes over Alice's care since apparently no one else at the hospital wants to help her. Silas blames himself for Rafe's downward spiral, since he never spends any time with the kid. Kiki is rightfully suspicious of how Nina feels about her. Sonny and Olivia are angsty over each other, since they spent last July 4th together.

Hi, Monica! I'm pretty sure you don't have privileges at GH anymore. But thanks for trying to help.

July 8th, 2014

Rafe has a seizure before he can tell Patrick anything, and of course he needs surgery, and of course Patrick is the only qualified surgeon nearby who can perform it. Sam has to guilt him into agreeing to do it. Molly's mostly fine but can't remember Rafe telling her that the accident wasn't an accident. Delia manages to crack Sonny's safe and grab the flash drive, but Olivia catches her and doesn't buy her cover story that she works for Sonny. In retaliation, Sonny sends Delia back to New York and revokes Ava's phone privileges. Alice needs a heart transplant, so...watch your back, Rafe. Shawn and Jordan fight some more (what else is new?), then almost kiss (that. That's new). Franco's going to be an art therapist.

Sam, stop pulling the Jason card. You're going to make it worse.

Dante seems to have forgotten that Molly's the victim here. Tone down the interrogation, dude.

What are the chances that Rafe hasn't damaged his heart with cocaine and Alice can have it?

So we're all in agreement that Shawn and Jordan had an affair, right? And that he's probably T.J.'s father, as I've suspected ever since T.J. showed up?

July 9th, 2014

Patrick operates on Rafe, trying to ignore the devil on his shoulder encouraging him to let Rafe die. Silas blames himself for Rafe's recent behavior, since he wasn't the most attentive guardian. Nina's all, "Waaaah, woe is me, Silas is still with Sam." Rosalie's all, "Rafe could bust you, you know." I'm all, "You could at least pretend you care that he could die." Levi manages to avoid getting booked at the police station, which is good for him since his visa recently expired and he hasn't gotten things cleared up yet. Maxie begs Nathan to keep his mouth shut about it. Jordan decides to try to use Mickey to find out who's running the show, an idea he can totally get behind. Alexis mentions to Julian that Anna tried to convince her to break up with him. Julian's more concerned with Rafe's drug use.

Thank you, show, for finally addressing Levi's immigration status. Also, "who has time for paperwork?" You do. What else are you doing all day? You don't have a job!

Nathan, save yourself a lot of stress and just move out now.

I can't wait for Mickey to try something shady with Jordan and for her to, like, break his hand using just her mind.

What do Dante and Lulu have to do with the Rafe/Patrick storyline? Why did we have to listen to them do exposition about it? Did the show run short again?

July 10th, 2014

Rafe is brain dead, and Silas thinks Patrick is responsible. Even Sam is suspicious of whether he took liberties with the Hippocratic Oath. Alice learns that she needs a new heart, but she's more concerned with telling Michael about Tracy's schemes. Maxie and Nathan share their recent wacky adventures with Lulu and Dante, respectively, and both think they're interested in each other. Nathan also reveals that Levi doesn't have a valid visa right now, and later an Immigration official shows up at the apartment, so it's quite possible Dante called ICE on Levi. Lucas and Felix spent July 4th drinking and having a Golden Girls marathon, and Felix wound up spending the night (but not like that). Brad isn't happy to hear this, but he is happy to hear that Lucas reluctantly still has feelings for him. Kiki and Morgan remind us, and possibly themselves, that they're just friends, but I don't stand that close to my friends and look at them like that.

I had to laugh at Sam telling Rafe that she won't let people forget him, because I guarantee that after three months, no one will ever mention him again.

I'm sure the 16-year-old will be a perfect match for the middle-aged woman. Let's just suspend disbelief and go with it.

I hope it turns out that Dante called ICE, and on Nathan and Maxie's wedding day, he gives the best-man toast, and that it's just two words: "YOU'RE WELCOME."

Brad, you are a STALKER. No one thinks you're cute. I wish Alice were getting your heart.

July 11th, 2014

Patrick admits that he wanted to let Rafe die but couldn't go through with it. Nina pretends she's shocked that Sam doesn't agree with Silas that Patrick killed Rafe, because she'll use anything she can to try to drive Sam and Silas apart. She thanks Rafe for giving her another wedge to put between them, then seems to hallucinate him waking up, because there's no way he's actually awake. Maxie lies to the Immigration official about Levi's living arrangements, but Levi himself accidentally busts her. Pack your bags, Levi – you're going back to Australia, and not a minute too soon. Tracy offers Kiki her condolences on Rafe, and in the same breath asks if he's an organ donor. Then she tells Alice she's getting a heart, like, you haven't even talked to a doctor. Slow down. Kiki plays martyr to ask Silas about donating Rafe's organs, and in the least surprising turn of events ever, Rafe and Alice have the same blood type. Lulu is somehow okay with Lucas giving Brad another chance, which is ridiculous. What's even more ridiculous is that when Brad is yelling at Felix for moving in on Lucas, he kisses Felix. Of course, Lucas sees, and it looks like he might pull a Kelly Taylor and reject them both.

Sam, you can't ask Patrick if he intentionally hurt Rafe, then say five minutes later that you knew he would never intentionally hurt Rafe. If you knew it, you wouldn't have asked.

Color me stunned that Nina didn't see Sam hugging Patrick and run to tell Silas about it.

I'm 90 to 95 percent sure that blood type isn't the only thing a donor and recipient have to have in common. Nice try, though.

Someone in the writers' room needs a 12-step program for his or her Golden Girls addiction.

Lulu, re: Brad: "What's the draw?" Me: "SERIOUSLY."

The teasers said Tracy was going to blackmail Alice. Where was the blackmail? I hate it when the teasers lie.

Week in review:Funniest moments (intentional): Olivia to Ava: "I've finished steaks bigger than you"; Maxie, re: Kiki and the Corinthoses: "That one girl who was married to one of 'em but is now dating the other"
Funniest moments (unintentional): Olivia's only reaction to the whole thing with the flash drive is that Sonny's an idiot for not hiding it better; Sonny continues to treat Ava like a misbehaving teenager
Saddest moment: Silas crying over Rafe
Sweetest/cutest moment: Lucas and Felix are so cute together
Least believable moment: Zero neurosurgeons were working on July 4th
Best instance of continuity: Robin originally brought Patrick to Port Charles to treat Jason
Worst instance of continuity: How does Lucas not have a huge scar from being shot and having surgery just a few weeks ago?
Hero of the week: Dante, in the highly probable event that he called Immigration
Most annoying character: Nina
Smartest character: I thought about this for so long that I realized since no one was smart enough to stand out, no one deserves this honor
Dumbest character: Maxie, for lying to the ICE official about Levi when he was in the next room

The week in a nutshell:

It may or may not have been Patrick's fault (most likely not), but Rafe was declared brain dead. That means Alice, who needs a heart transplant, will probably get his heart, and Nina's secrets will stay secret.

Delia got her hands on Sonny's flash drive, but Olivia busted her. One thing led to another and Sonny made Shawn take Delia back to New York.

Lucas made up his mind about Felix and Brad, but a random kiss made him decide not to reveal who he chose.

Jordan focused her efforts on using Mickey to find out who Julian answers to.

Lulu played relationship coach for both Maxie and Lucas, while Dante did the same for Nathan.

Jordan and Shawn are probably about two weeks away from making out.

Franco revealed that Obrecht hired him as an art therapist.

July 12th, 2014

Next week: Maxie continues to make horrible choices.

July 14th, 2014

Silas consents to the organ transplant, and Obrecht signs off on it, assuming everything is medically sound. Too bad it's not: Rafe used heroin on top of the cocaine, and hospital policy prevents transplanting a heart that's been exposed to heroin. Nina gets yelled at by an imaginary Rafe, then yells back at him for a little while before getting interrupted by Franco. She tells him she was hallucinating, and he tells her he's been through the same thing but turned out fine. Sonny tells Carly that Ava almost got the recording, and she tells him that Franco almost told Michael the truth about A.J.'s murder. Meanwhile, Olivia tells Dante and Lulu that Ava sent Delia to get the mysterious flash drive. Lulu's more interested in how Olivia totally still has feelings for Sonny. Nathan admits to Maxie that he told Dante about Levi's immigration status, and also complained about him to Mac. Maxie heads off to find out which of them called ICE on her boyfriend.

Of course Obrecht enjoys it when people "recycle body parts." She probably idolizes Dr. Frankenstein.

Wait, so now Monica works at GH again? Since when?

So if Alice still needs a heart, can we pick someone to sacrifice for the transplant? I have, like, a notebook full of ideas.

You know how I knew for sure Nina was hallucinating? The Rafe of her imagination is much more clever than the real Rafe.

If you asked me which two characters should be kept the farthest away from each other, one of the top three pairs on my list would absolutely be Franco and Nina. So thanks, show.

Also, I guess he didn't feel like it was relevant to tell her that he hallucinated because he had a brain tumor. "You're seeing and hearing things, but I'm sure you don't have a life-threatening condition. Have a great day!"

July 15th, 2014

Mac and Dante deny calling ICE on Levi, and Levi thinks Nathan's protested so much about doing it that he has to be lying. That plus the fact that the call was made from his phone make Maxie turn on him. Sonny confronts Franco for almost ratting him out to Michael, then tells Shawn that his stay of execution might only be temporary. Carly tells Franco that if it comes to a choice between him and her kids, she's going to choose her kids, so he needs to keep his mouth shut. She adds that Sonny is part of the package, and points out that as of right now, she's the only reason Sonny hasn't killed him, so he needs to be more careful. While Lucas tells Julian about his romantic woes, Brad blames Felix for their issues. They fight, then agree to get a drink together, and of course they go to the Floating Rib while Lucas and Julian are there. Lucas thinks they're on a date and storms out. Shawn doesn't even bother to try hiding his jealousy when he sees Jordan and Mickey hanging out.

If Dante did call ICE, he needs to admit it. Otherwise I'm putting him in the Nice Guys Doing Jerky Things Club with Patrick.

And by the way, notice that he didn't deny contacting ICE. He danced around Maxie's question, then said he never made a phone call. That doesn't mean he's not responsible. He could have asked someone else to make the call for him. Just saying...

Solution to this annoying love triangle: Brad dies. Alice gets his heart. Lucas and Felix frolic in a meadow together and then live happily ever after.

As I've mentioned (many times), I want Olivia to get a storyline, but I also enjoy her sitting on the sidelines, making comments about other people's drama.

July 16th, 2014

Rafe is removed from life support, and everyone's sad, especially Silas and Molly. Nina actually feels bad about what happened to Rafe, and wants to come clean to Silas. Rosalie tries to talk her out of it, figuring out that Nina still loves Silas. Tracy basically tells Alice that if she doesn't say anything to Michael, Tracy will try to get her a new heart. Spencer pays Josslyn off with chocolate to help him make Britt look good in front of Nikolas. The two adults spend the day working at Lila's Kids, and Britt is slowly wearing Nikolas down, which can't be good for...anyone, really. Michael has a bad day, starting with Tracy convincing him not to bug Alice about what she wanted to tell him, then realizing that Morgan and Kiki living together could result in disaster for him.

'Bye, Rafe. I...had no opinion on you, but thanks for stopping by.

Apparently the Quartermaines don't require a background check or childcare experience for employees at their day camp. Good to know.

"In my family, we just throw stuff at each other all the time." Josslyn, I love you, but your family contains a terrorist, so let's not talk about what they find acceptable, m'kay?

I get that they needed a reason for Elizabeth to mention Jason to Sam, but her saying she wanted to blame him for Jake's condition made no sense. She should have said she wanted to blame Patrick, since he operated on Jake, too.

July 17th, 2014

Silas threatens to tell the press that Obrecht and Patrick committed malpractice that led to Rafe's death. While Sam tries to convince Silas that Patrick didn't do anything wrong, Nina eavesdrops, plotting to use the rift against them. Obrecht wants to head Silas off by holding a press conference declaring Patrick's innocence, and Nina thinks that it'll make Sam and Silas turn on each other even more. Maxie throws Nathan out of the apartment, even though Nathan makes the (correct, it turns out) argument that Levi could have called ICE on himself and framed Nathan. Spencer and Britt keep scheming to get her back with Nikolas, but since all the ideas are coming from the third-grader, they're all dumb. Also, Elizabeth is volunteering at the day camp, so Nikolas has an alternate option right in front of him. Patrick tells Anna that he's had divorce papers drawn up. She thinks Robin's suffering from PTSD from her kidnapping and wonders if there's something Patrick isn't telling her.

Part of me wants Silas to shut up, but the rest of me wants him to follow through on his threats and bring down Obrecht.

Nathan should dust his phone for prints, while he's being a detective.

Britt: "Got any more great ideas?" Me: "Yeah, stop taking relationship advice from an eight-year-old."

I love that Britt says she's trying to move on from Nikolas. The only person she's come remotely close to being with since their breakup is her brother.

July 18th, 2014

Week in review:Funniest moments (intentional): Morgan trying to fist-bump Tracy; Brad: "Honesty is overrated." Felix: "Okay, now I know what to put on your tombstone"
Funniest moments (unintentional): Tracy's "I can't believe someone overheard me scheming again" face, like, learn to use your inside voice, Trace; Josslyn is a full head taller than Spencer
Saddest moment: Rafe being removed from life support
Sweetest/cutest moment: Morgan looking at pictures of himself and Alice
Least believable moments: Rafe's condition made Nina feel real feelings; Alice was apparently the only counselor at Lila's Kids
Best instance of continuity: N/A
Worst instance of continuity: Anna knows first-hand that Patrick isn't immune to letting personal feelings get in the way of his job – she's the one who talked him into operating on Jason
Hero of the week: N/A
Most annoying character: Britt. Congratulations! You beat out a lot of tough competition
Smartest character: Nathan
Dumbest character: Nina, who didn't seem to figure in the possibility that someone might see her walking around the hospital

The week in a nutshell:

Silas accused Patrick of killing Rafe (who was taken off life support), and Nina wanted to use the rift that caused with Sam to her advantage.

Maxie threw Nathan out, still believing he called ICE on Levi. It was actually Levi himself.

Lucas made up his mind over Felix and Brad, but never got to announce his choice because they accidentally made him think they were hooking up.

Sonny and Franco's feud continued, and honestly, Carly kind of sided with Sonny.

Spencer enlisted Josslyn to help him make Emma jealous, which didn't work. Britt enlisted Spencer to help her get Nikolas' attention, which also didn't work.

Michael got uncomfortable with Morgan and Kiki's closeness.

Jordan had dinner with Mickey, enraging Shawn.

July 19th, 2014

Next week: The same thing I said last week, since it hasn't happened yet.

July 21st, 2014

Maxie suggests that she go to Australia with Levi, but he confesses (or possibly lies) that he can't go back: He freed animals from a lab and will go to prison if he returns to the country. Maxie's next suggestion is a green-card marriage. Nathan wins Dante over to his side re: Levi calling ICE on himself, and still has an anti-Levi ally in Mac. Felicia, for some reason, likes Levi, but whatever, because I don't care for the opinion of anyone who isn't actively discouraging Lucy and Scott from being together. As Patrick and Obrecht prepare for their proactive press conference, Nina tries to make Silas mad that Sam is Team Patrick, then shares a secret with a reporter. In the middle of the press conference, the reporter reveals that Patrick admitted to wanting Rafe dead. Spencer checks himself into the Metro Court and goes on a sugar binge while Nikolas, Britt, and Elizabeth look for him. He and Britt keep in touch via text messages, but the scheme doesn't do anything to endear Britt to Nikolas, because she's an idiot. Lucy boo-hoos to Felicia and Mac about Rafe's death, her love life, how Serena's mad at her, etc. Felicia tells her to go talk to Scott already, but when Lucy does, she finds Bobbie in Scott's hotel room, wearing a bathrobe.

What would be funny is if Nina's plan backfires, and Patrick thinks Sam spilled that he wanted Rafe dead. Then, instead of driving Sam and Silas apart, Sam and Patrick would be driven apart, and Sam would side with Silas. That's obviously not what I want, but if it lets me laugh in Nina's face, I'm for it.

+10 to Lulu for putting a tracking app on Spencer's phone. -10 to Nikolas for blaming Olivia for Spencer checking into the hotel, like, it's not her fault your child is an evil genius.

Well, that answers my question about whether Bobbie's still in town.

July 22nd, 2014

Nina's plan works perfectly to turn Sam and Silas against each other, as she and Patrick both suspect that Silas spoke to the reporters. Unfortunately, it also gets Patrick fired. Nathan tries five different ways to get Maxie to back out of marrying Levi, but Maxie's never listened to anyone before, so why would she start now? Levi asks for Mac and Felicia's blessing, and if he really thinks he'll get one from Mac, he's dumber than I thought. Spencer goes into hiding while Nikolas freaks out and Britt continues to be an idiot. Scott pressures Anna to crack down on drugs in town, like she's been saying she will for ages. Anna's all, "That's funny coming from the guy who let a drug dealer get him elected as DA." Julian confronts Jordan about the heroin in town, but she had no idea they were dealing it. She realizes that Mickey and Fluke don't trust either of them, and suggests that she and Julian work together. Bobbie and Scott are back together, and Lucy isn't happy. Cue the slapping.

Guys, Silas came out to have a good time and he's honestly feeling so attacked right now.

So cocaine is fine, but Julian draws the line at heroin? Okay, then.

Bobbie being with Scott means a mother and daughter are dating a father and son. Weird. Also weird: TWO WOMEN ARE FIGHTING OVER SCOTT. Come on, you guys.

That's two mentions of Serena in two days. Should we expect to see her in the next few weeks?

July 23rd, 2014

Ava finally does what I've been saying she should do for weeks: She calls Julian, offers dirt on Sonny, and begs him to save her. Jordan tells Anna she's going to sleep with Mickey to gain his trust. Meanwhile, Mickey poses as a DEA agent to ask T.J. about Jordan's time in prison. Lucy goes back to Scott's hotel room to declare her love and tell him she wants him back. She and Bobbie demand that he choose between them, but he wusses out. Julian offers to go back to sneaking around so Alexis can convince Molly to move back home. Morgan meets Rosalie, and they commiserate over daddy issues.

Finally, Ava! You should have done this forever ago!

Tip for Jordan: If Mickey asks for stories from your time in prison, just start giving him Orange Is the New Black episode summaries.

Oh, but wouldn't it be hilarious if Mickey really is a DEA agent, too?

Bravo to Linda Tovar and Bryan Craig, who convinced me in about two minutes that Rosalie and Morgan would be a fun couple.

July 24th, 2014

Silas can't get past Sam siding with Patrick, and she can't get past his connection to Nina, so they break up. Ava buys her freedom by telling Julian that Sonny killed A.J., and there's proof out there somewhere. He takes her to the roof to escape via helicopter, but they're stopped by Mickey, who reminds Julian that their boss wants Ava dead. Julian manages to hold him off by assuring him that they can take Sonny down. Franco and Nina bond, but he gets suspicious when he finds her revenge list. Anna learns that Patrick was fired and points out that now he can go be with Robin. Alexis lies that she and Julian are over, so Molly agrees to come home. Carly continues to insist that Franco will keep his mouth shut about Sonny killing A.J., which probably means he won't. Alexis meets Mickey, who laughs at her belief that Julian's out of the business.

The only bad part of Sam and Silas' breakup is that Nina comes out a winner.

I can't wait until the Jeromes get their hands on the flash drive and realize there's nothing on it that incriminates Sonny.

Congratulations, Alexis. You just lied to your daughter's face.

Carly, just...stop.

July 25th, 2014

Mickey tells Julian he's been lacing their cocaine with heroin, not selling it, which is apparently a big no-no for Julian. Mickey keeps threatening him and Ava, but for some reason Julian doesn’t think to warn his children that they could be in danger. Nina crosses Sam off her revenge list, moving on to Silas, who she blames for the loss of the baby (even though, as Rosalie reminds her, that was really Madeline's doing). She wants another child, and apparently the first step to getting one is to drug Silas. Sonny and Shawn figure out that Ava's back at her apartment, then use security footage from the hospital roof to learn that she's with Julian and Mickey. Shawn then breaks into Mickey's hotel room, which Jordan's already broken into to look for information on his boss. He insists that she doesn't want to be with Mickey, since obviously she wants to be with Shawn, even though she's indicating she doesn't, what with slapping him when he kisses her. Sam shares with Patrick her theory that Nina ratted him out to the reporters, even if it meant she overheard Sam and Silas on the roof. She tries to get security footage and learns that Sonny has all of it. Tracy talks Ned into moving into the mansion, which is just another method of making him think they're on the same side. Olivia tries to kick Sonny out of the hotel, but he refuses to go. He tries to convince her to give him a second chance, which I don't think is going to happen.

Um...that's Viagra Nina's putting in Silas' drink, yes? Not GHB or anything like that? Wait, why would I be surprised if it were?

I in no way want this to happen, but wouldn't it be hilarious (and an inadvertent screw-you to Nina) if Sam found out she's pregnant with Silas' baby?

Why are they dragging out Sam and Sonny's conversation? Are we supposed to think he's not going to give her the footage? He has no reason not to.

Yay for Ned sticking around! Now let's hook him up with Olivia! Lisa LoCicero said just today on Twitter that she was about to block scenes with Wally Kurth, so there's definitely hope. (Also, that means he'll still be around in a month.)

Shawn, I like you, but when you kiss a woman and she slaps you, that doesn't mean you kiss her again.

Week in review:Funniest moments (intentional): Spencer's ridiculous vocabulary; Jeromes keep offering the same nurse money; Franco: "That makes perfect sense...to an idiot"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Julian's categorization of good drugs and bad drugs
Saddest moment: Tracy worrying about Alice (I have to assume she wasn't just trying to get sympathy from Ned)
Sweetest/cutest moment: Speechless Morgan is adorable
Least believable moment: I'm fairly certain that Jordan's search of Mickey's hotel room isn't legal
Best instances of continuity: This won't be Maxie's first marriage of convenience; Scott's weird obsession with apples has resurfaced
Worst instance of continuity: I guess Lucy and Felicia both forgot that Lucy has another daughter
Hero of the week: Julian, with that pretty impressive helicopter rescue
Most annoying character: Nina
Smartest character: Ava
Dumbest character: Spencer, whose plan is a) horrible and b) going to get him grounded until he's 30

The week in a nutshell:

Ava finally listened to me and went crawling back to Julian. He successfully got her away from Sonny after she spilled that he killed A.J. Mickey wasn't pleased, but he's up against both Jeromes, so he's probably the one in trouble.

Unable to agree on whether or not Silas talked to the reporters (which led to Patrick getting fired), Sam and Silas broke up. Nina celebrated with either Viagra or roofies in Silas' drink, so she can have a baby, because she would definitely be a responsible parent.

Maxie offered to marry Levi so he could stay in America. Only Felicia was supportive.

Jordan was willing to sleep with Mickey for information, but Shawn would prefer if she made out with him instead.

Spencer and Britt hatched an incredibly dumb plan to get Nikolas and Britt closer together. Spencer's going to be in so much trouble when Nikolas eventually tracks him down.

Jordan and Julian realized that Mickey and Fluke were keeping them out of the loop on their real drug dealings.

Lucy and Bobbie fought over Scott. Let that sink in.

Morgan met Rosalie, and I don't think Michael will have to worry about Morgan and Kiki anymore.

Franco and Nina really need to stay away from each other.

Alexis and Julian went back to sneaking around so Alexis and Molly could repair their relationship.

Tracy got Ned to move back home.

July 26th, 2014

Next week: Boom! Also, just a placeholder until the week after, which is going to be big.

July 29th, 2014

Mickey has someone plant a bomb in Alexis' mailbox. Nina accidentally renders Silas unconscious, then wakes him up to try to seduce him. While he's half-awake, Sam shows up and sees the two of them together on the couch. Jordan and Mickey get rid of Shawn, then get down to business. After a pause (in which Jordan plants a bug and Mickey sends Julian a text saying he hopes his family sleeps tight), they take it to the bed. Then Mickey stops them again to reveal that he found the bug. Ava tells Julian that the recording incriminates her in Olivia's shooting, but not that she killed Connie. She also thinks that Carly has a backup recording, and that Franco can be persuaded (or forced) to help her and Julian get their hands on it. The security footage shows someone opening the door to the roof, so Sam knows someone eavesdropped on her and Silas but can't tell who it was. Olivia yells at Carly for being loyal to Sonny and refusing to kick him out. That doesn't really help Franco change his mind about his Carly/Sonny insecurities.

Awww, 'bye, lake house. That was a nice place. It was around for a long time, too. (I'll bet anything there was no one inside – why else would they mention Danny needing something from the penthouse, if they weren't going to go get it?)

Julian, you KNEW Mickey was going to retaliate. Why didn't you warn Alexis, Sam, and Lucas??

Why does Sam still have a key to Silas' place anyway?

With the way she goes back and forth between good ideas and bad ideas, Ava's either the smartest dumb person on the show or the dumbest smart person.

July 29th, 2014

It takes him a few minutes, but Julian finally figures out that Alexis might be in danger and races to the lake house, which has just exploded. He tries to go inside, but another explosion knocks him out. When he comes to, the firefighters are there and he's told that there aren't any survivors. Fortunately, there also weren't any victims: Everyone went to the penthouse. The firefighters tell Alexis that the explosion may have been caused by something suspicious. Speaking of suspicious, Sam notes that it's awfully coincidental that Julian got there so quickly. Shawn wants to go down and bug him, even though Sonny advised him not to, so Mickey wouldn't get suspicious. At the last minute, Shawn decides to listen, just as Mickey realizes that Jordan's a DEA agent and threatens to kill her. She overpowers him and prepares to arrest him. He points out that he'll just use his one phone call to let Julian know that she's working against them. Jordan attempts to offer a deal, asking for the name of their boss. Before Mickey can decide to either answer her or take a call from Julian, Julian bursts in and shoots him. Ava offers to get rid of Sonny if Franco will find the possibly mythical backup recording for her. Franco declines, knowing that exposing Sonny would start a chain reaction that would result in Carly dumping him. Ned is a white knight for a very drunk Olivia, giving her a person to unload on about Sonny and a couch to sleep on. He also stops her from adopting a hundred dogs and moving them into the hotel, which, let's be honest, would have been pretty awesome. Carly whines to Sonny that Olivia was mean to her, and I think there was more stuff there about loyalty Ava and Franco and all that stuff, but everything else in the episode was a lot more interesting, and it pushed all the boring stuff out of my brain. Sam throws a fit about Silas and Nina, effectively ruining the moment, or whatever, and preventing Nina from doing anything sketchy.

Uh, I take back what I said about this week being a placeholder until next week. I had no idea they were going to blow stuff up.

Nice acting by William deVry when Julian thought Alexis and Danny were dead. And now we know for sure that he really does love Alexis.

Also, I don't want to root for a drug dealer or anything, but other villains could learn a lot from Julian. Don't make long speeches – just shoot the other guy.

10,000 points to Jordan for being HBIC.

Drunk Olivia is a treasure. All hail Drunk Olivia.

July 30th, 2014

Mickey survives Julian's shooting, so Jordan shoos Julian out of the room before Mickey can blow her cover. She promises to take the blame, claiming self-defense, but tells Anna the truth. She also manages to intercept a call from Fluke, whose voice she recognizes. Lulu's hesitant to be Maxie's matron of honor since she thinks Maxie's marrying the wrong guy. Nina figures out that Nathan has feelings for Maxie and encourages him to fight for her. Alice gets a visit from wrestler David Otunga, and later tells Morgan that she feels like she can die in peace. Meanwhile, Ned urges Tracy to tell Alice that she is, in fact, dying; Tracy doesn't want to in case Alice decides to rat her out on her deathbed. It all may be moot, though – by the end of the episode, Mickey's brain dead. Alexis tells Molly about the fire but not that it may have been caused by something suspicious. Molly figures it out anyway when Julian shows up at the penthouse, pretending he heard about the fire on the news.

God bless Jordan for advancing a plot.

Nathan, even though Nina's right, don't take advice from her. In fact, don't take advice from anyone you're related to. Unless you're a Cassadine, in which case I'll make you a list of which ones you can trust.

Hey, Alice, do you mind if your new heart comes from a drug-dealing killer? Just...a hypothetical.

Did Ned leave Olivia passed out in his hotel room? I hope he took all the phones with him.

July 31st, 2014

Julian and Fluke trade threats, but it's not that effective since they're on Skype and separated by thousands of miles. Julian thinks he has the upper hand, refusing to hand over the recording and ordering Fluke to stop dealing heroin. After he leaves, Ava snoops to find out who he was talking to. Anna tells Dante that Jordan thought Mickey was working for Luke, which Dante finds ridiculous. Franco tells Carly that he was with Nina the night before, so she doesn't know he was with Ava. Then he starts asking questions about the recording, and apparently she kept a copy in her email. Britt feels bad about what her and Spencer's scheme is doing to Nikolas. Spencer, by the way, is hiding out in Josslyn's room like they're some kind of 21st century Lucky and Elizabeth. Tracy harasses Elizabeth and Brad to find out that Mickey has the same blood type as Alice, but isn't an organ donor.

"Peace out, b&%#$"? Really, Julian? You shouldn't be saying that to anyone, let alone the guy who almost killed your girlfriend and grandson.

I thought Spinelli cut out the Sonny-related part of the recording. Wasn't Franco there when he did that? Why is this a plot device?

What dirty liar told Spencer that Courtney was the "best person ever"? Also, let's talk about the fact that Spencer was conceived when his mother cheated on Josslyn's father.

Speaking of things children shouldn't have been told, was Josslyn's Stuffed Animal Theater performance a reenactment of Sonny shooting Dante? Why does she know about that?

I liked that little moment where Anna promised Nikolas that she would find Spencer because he rescued Robin. It was a nice reminder that she probably has a soft spot for Nikolas because of that.