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Sunday, 11 August 2013

A Tad Too Over Dramatic

Readers, I bring excellent news! I
have it on good authority that these economically depressive times will soon be
over. It will still be hard for a while; none of us can be expecting the tides
of riches to wash over these shores quickly. Yet my friends, I can see hope on
the horizon. Where do I get this information that fuels this prophetic vision
you ask? Have I a senior official in my pockets? Well yes, however that’s not
where the glad tidings come from.

No this news comes from the high
streets themselves; moreover this sign came from… well a sign actually. The
management of “Poundtown” is my source, for they have seen the future and
rebranded as “Town”. Admittedly the decision hasn’t been taken cautiously as
they have only covered the “Pound” part with cardboard. They have seen the
possibilities of a monetary boom however and don’t want to tie themselves to
such a measly fee for their bulk goods. A more serious belief can be seen in
their new slogan of “Everything a pound and up” and I place my faith in their
belief.

What does all this amount to? Well
long story short I’ve been to the pound shop which with me means biscuits!
(Probably could have begun here but where’s the fun in that.) So in I went to
find some cheap oddities and did I find some, the highlight in the toy section
in the form of a wrestler figurine. I stayed strong and resisted the urge of
this perplexing item and instead bought two packs of biscuits for a pound (good
deal any day). One of these packs was a pack of wafers and while some may not
apply the term biscuit to them I do.

Honestly I laughed at this for about ten minutes, staff weren't impressed

I have found a recent liking for
wafers where before I saw them as dull, perhaps a sign I’m maturing? I mean
they aren’t too filling that you feel guilty for the extra one or two. They
also go very well with a strong black coffee or tea which I’m partial to on
occasions. Problem is they really only come in vanilla or chocolate so when I
see banana flavour you understand the need. This need transferred into kinetic
energy that got me home quicker than usual to make a brew and try a few.

Whilst I waited for said tea to
brew I opened the pack. Immediately I was met with a very strong artificial
banana smell. This worried me a bit, but at least it was the right fruit. So I
took a bit, let me highlight that. I took a single bite out of these things and
regretted me purchase even more. These fail on every level the wafer is cheap
and stale and has a weird powdery texture. The banana flavour is non-existent
and well when I tried dunking them, they become soggy like no bodies business.
They are terrible, tasting like the cheap ice cream cones handed out by the
dodgy looking vans you were told to avoid.

You have been warned!!!

This thought gave me an idea, Ice
cream! perhaps that will save them. So I had some with my dessert that night.
Nope. Still terrible and to make matters worse ruined my after dinner treat worse
for it. Not often will I throw away in date products but honestly these make
everything they touch bland and powdery. So I had to get rid of them and the
black cloud they brought upon my house.

Clearly these were a mistake,
fuelled by my optimism of better times ahead. Now I feel empty and I’m even
more suspicious of the reliability of the sign. I’m off to withdraw all my
savings and stuff it into my mattress.

Score

2 out of 11 (They smelt of banana after all)

Found

Local pound store, "Poundtown"

Final thoughts

In what situation would a wrestler need both a chainsaw and a frog half his size, doesn't bear thinking about.