Hu’s Your Daddy?

Given the golden opportunity for the press to ask questions to China’s President, here is what they came up with.

Question #1 by Ben Feller of the Associated Press

“How do you justify China’s [human rights] record, and do you think that’s any of the business of the American people?”

Grade: A

Question #2 by China Central Television

“What do you think that the two countries need to do to further increase the friendship and mutual understanding between the Chinese and American peoples?”

Grade: C

Question #3 by Hans Nichols from Bloomberg

“President Hu, first off, my colleague asked you a question about human rights, which you did not answer. I was wondering if we could get an answer to that question.

And then also, on Capitol Hill, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, House Speaker John Boehner are not attending tonight’s state dinner. Many on Capitol Hill see China as an economic threat. What can you do to allay their fears?”

Follow Up Grade: A

Question Grade: C

Question #4 by Somebody. It seems even the stenographer was bored at this point.

“How do you think that the China and the United States can step up their cooperation in a joint endeavor to tackle the increasing number of global issues?”

Grade: D

If you’d like to read President Hu’s platitudinal and obfuscating answers they are transcribed here.

But in this megalomaniacal land of the Interwebs, if we can fantasize about owning a football team to compete with our friends’ teams then we can also pretend to control the press conference. So what questions would have been better to ask Hu?

The following suggestions all have a grade of A+.

1. China seems to have a growing real estate bubble that most of the middle and upper classes are invested in along with the nation’s banks. What is being done to prevent that bubble from growing too large and bursting? And what will China do if the bubble does burst?

2. Does China plan on using its own currency in bi-lateral trade with another country besides Russia in the near future?

3. By 2020, your one child policy has caused a surplus of 24 million males that will be unable to marry in your country. What are your thoughts on that?

And as a follow up: Can we send Paris Hilton over for a week to satisfy them?

4. As your country’s relationship with the United States grows, how will that affect China’s relationship with North Korea?

5. And speaking of relationships, are you unable to come to agreement with Taiwan because you don’t speak Taiwanese?