sociaal

ibiza 2019spring breakA crisis meeting has been held at the Rhode Island family home of Brian Wheeler, 22, after the outgoing young traveller recently quoted a hit song as the caption for an Instagram post of him partying.

Wheeler had been on Ibiza for a week staying with infamous party outfit, Stoke Travel. While his previous posts had depicted a more wholesome island experience – riding scooters and swimming in turquoise waters – the latest, of the young man grinning maniacally at the camera with eyes like dinner plates, has left his concerned family ill at ease.

The contentious quote is also the title of the song, I Took A Pill In Ibiza, by Mike Posner. It was initially recorded as a sarcastic, anti-drug folk tune, before being remixed by EDM bros SeeB and quickly became an anthem for what it once ridiculed. After the remix was released in 2016, it reached the number one spot in many countries, and has been rumoured to be used as a terrible code for young travellers to talk about their drug taking intentions without explicitly saying so.

“Well at first I was furious,” said Wheelers father, 46-year-old business executive Brian Senior, “but then Bri’s younger sister told us to, ‘Chill out’, her words, because apparently it’s just a song lyric. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with quoting songs, but this one just seems too literal, you know? He is actually in Ibiza, and look at his face! He looks like he just sniffed some piss, and I know from the early ‘90s that that’s a symptom of rolling on molly.”

Neighbour, and local sheriff’s deputy Peter Collins, weighs in. “Look, we’d normally give a good kid like Bri the benefit of the doubt – swim team, good college, has his whole life ahead of him, but that song was popular in 2016! I mean, what sort of a dork would still be quoting it now if he wasn’t literally stuffing his face full of whatever disco biscuits he can get his hand on? As far as i’m concerned it’s a clear-cut case of Bri getting fucked up on some class-A MDMA caps and bragging to the world about it – and now he’s been caught out.”

Stoke Travel Ibiza manager, Hamish (last name withheld) seemed to support deputy Collins’ hypothesis. “Haha, yeah, that song fricken sucks. But Bri, Bri’s a goddamn legend, you should have seen him last night! He was cooked! I mean, the Ibiza sun is harsh, but Bri was completely fried if you know what I mean…”

When pressed on whether Stoke Travel condones the consumption of ecstacy tablets, Hamish was unequivocal. “Oh no, no way. We believe that the repetitive music can be enjoyed completely sober, and that it’s entirely feasible for travellers to party until 7am, on four hours sleep, for a week straight. Hmm? No, that wasn’t a wink, last night’s waters seem to have given me a mild stroke.”

The younger Wheeler was more circumspect in his account of what had transpired the night before. “I love that song! I took a pill in Ibiza! Doo doo doo, wooooo! Man so good. You know, I’ve always wanted to be a journalist. What’s your name? You have a really nice face. I think I kind of love you, man. Ohhhhh I feel so gooood! This is the best! You wanna get high like me! Wait, let me sing it so I don’t get in trouble again. You don’t wanna be HIGH LIKE ME! Fuck, bro, I think you do.”