I'd rather be having a quiet drink... and can be followed on Twitter @alcothusiast; and friended on Untappd (handle: "neilcake" - all welcome).

Wednesday, 2 September 2015

Berlinsterdam... part 1

As the days grew
short and the light grew dim on 2014, it was time for Mrs Cake and I to make
one last booze tourism adventure – or “holiday” as most people call them. This
time it would be a combination of stays in Amsterdam and Berlin – Amsterdam
because Mrs Cake’s father and wife (there’s no un-clumsy way of describing that
particular relationship) were rounding off a European river cruise and wanted
to meet us there, and Berlin because I had promised to take Mrs Cake many
months earlier in the year. I wasn’t that fussed about the Dam, having been
there twice already, but that’s fine; it actually turns out to be cheaper to
fly from Manchester to Amsterdam, from Amsterdam to Berlin, and finally from
Berlin back to Manchester than it is to just fly from Manchester to Berlin and
back again. And you get to take in three separate Duty Free opportunities that
way… but more on that later.

As ever, I made use
of a little idle time in advance and determined there were some interesting
things I could look out for in these destinations – jenever in Amsterdam and
absinthe and brandy in Germany.

Just to keep this
focused on booze, as it should be, I’m not going to start at the beginning and
take you through the whole holiday. Instead I’ve decided to split it into 3
sections - beer, spirits and duty free. Let’s get started.

Stories of Beer and Various Bars

I tried a lot of
beer on this holiday – 27 distinct ones in a week in fact, which exceeded my
monthly average at that point by 10 and (combined with the Salford Independent
Beer Festivalthat I attended, and started but didn’t finish writing
about) brings that average up to 20. I considered writing a song, from the
names of the various beers, based on Johnny Cash’s I’ve Been Everywhere… but I simply don’t have the time or talent to
shoehorn a plethora of dutch and german words I can’t even pronounce into the
song structure. I’m also bored with the prospect of going into detail in regard
to all the various beers we were able to partake of. Instead, I think we’ll go
with some general observations and comments.

Amsterdam

The stay in
Amsterdam was more of a sedate affair than Berlin was destined to be, and than
it had been on my previous two visits when I was more than 10 years younger – mostly because we were there with parental
figures and while alcohol was very much on our collective menus, getting smashed was not.

So of course Grolsch and Amstel were part of
the experience, but not Heineken. Mrs Cake had suggested the Heineken brewery
as a possible destination while we were there, but the thought of it bored the
shit out of me. I think what sealed that was that the website described it as a
brewery tour followed by the chance to have “a beer” in the bar. A fucking
Heineken in a bar. Careful you don’t explode with excitement at the prospect of
that.

Fair enough, the
tour might be good, it might be worthwhile, but whatever. If you’re going to
entice me to a brewery tour, you’re going to have to promise a tasting of
several samples with a few free bottles to take home. Otherwise I’m not going.

There are of course
more interesting beers available in Holland; wheat beers, bocks, various types of beer from all over Europe – including a Fuller’s Chiswick, which I swear said in excess of 5% on the label, but
only around 3-4% on Untappd. We even stumbled across de Bekeerde Suster,
which is a brewery and a bar, where I
tried a beer called De Blonde Barbier,
though I only scored that one a three out of five.

The highest scoring beers in Amsterdam were Grimbergen Blonde (which is actually
Belgian) and Amstel, both of which scored a 3.5. Not astounding scores then, but I’ve come to realise I rarely score
more than a 3.5 and the vast majority score 3-3.5. It doesn’t mean I don’t like
beer, it just means it’s all all right and not much of it is amazing.

Berlin – What would
Pablo and Veronica do?

There was much more
beer drinking going on in Berlin, though for some reason we struggled to find
bars. We’d been given a list of great places from a friend of mine, but we
didn’t manage to find any of them. Elsewhere, nowhere really looked like the kind of place you’d just
go into to drink. That may be down to our perceptions, expectations and lack of
experience in German things, but rightly or wrongly, it is indicative of what
happened. We certainly didn’t find any of those stereotypical beerhalls where
buxom wenches with plaits and pigtails serve steins while everyone sways and
sings. Maybe we just didn’t know where to find it, but find it we didn’t –
that’s more of a Bavarian thing, I’m told.

On the first night
in Kreuzberg we found a rock n’ roll bar, which was good, but it had two rooms
and both were showing football matches. That, at least, was recognisable to us
as a pub.

One night, also in
Kreuzberg, we were looking for a particular restaurant when we heard loud punk
music coming out of one of the bars. Having previously chided ourselves for not
being adventurous enough, we turned around and went in – it’s what Pablo and
Veronica would have done. We were greeted by a 6 foot transvestite belting out
tunes from just inside the door, and the rest of his ageing band that included
a Vic Reeves lookalike on bass. The room was packed and it was jumping with
similarly ageing punk rockers. And it was awesome. I couldn’t see the beer
taps, but ordered a beer based on the insignia on other peoples branded beer glasses – finally I’ve
found a reason for them. We left at the end of the set, satisfied and pleased
we’d done something we hadn’t planned in advance. We followed it up with
traditional fried chicken, more beer and schnaps at Henne, a restaurant that had been recommended in our guidebook.

cool beer label

The highest scoring
beers in Berlin were Schofferhofer Kristallweizen (which I have since seen
available in Aldi), Unertl Weissbier, Frankisches Landbier and Andechser
Doppelbock Dunkel, all of which managed an impressive 4 out of 5. I’m pretty
sure that all of these with the exception of the Unertl were picked up from a
supermarket with five other fancy beers for around 10 euros.

It is notable that,
while I consider a beer scoring 3 to be decent, anything below that is
sub-standard and I did come across a few examples of unpleasant beer – the
worst of which was Meckatzer Weiss Gold at a Christmas market. Hofmuhl Hell and
Berliner Kindl fared slightly better than that but don’t escape a naming and
shaming on these pages.

Generally though,
there was a good selection of beers to be had. One thing that did confuse me
though, was that every time I ordered a weissbier, the waiter would say,
“that’s a white beer”, as if it wasn’t generally considered something I should
be ordering, like: “are you sure?” Is
there something I should know about weissbier? Well, from Wikipedia,
it appears everything is above board. I already knew I liked weissbier anyway.

I think we’ll leave it there for this week. I don’t want you
getting put off by the sheer volume of words. Next week I’ll be back to talk
about the search for German and Dutch spirits, and it should be quite a bit
more interesting than this has been. Join me then.

Definitions

What happens when you zone out after having had a cheeky lunchtime pint.

Alcothusiast:

Not an alcoholic, someone who appreciates booze.

Anxiety, The:

The uneasy feeling that accompanies any noteworthy hangover.

Booze Buffet Mentality:

The propensity people have to go nuts whenever there's a free bar.

Booze Porn:Photos of alcohol.

Bread Chest:Not booze related, but this term describes the indigestion you get from eating too many bread products too quickly. Just putting it out there...

Crawler's Block:The inability to decide where to go next during a pub crawl - often resulting in crawl stagnation and someone saying, "shall we just have another one here?"

Crawl Stagnation:The result of failing to plan a pub crawl sufficiently - lack of a route, theme or over-familiarity with nearby pubs can all be contributing factors.

Excess Induced Alcohol Aversion:An intolerance for a drink caused (usually) by one occasion of overindulgence.

The Family:My whisky collection.

MOMA:

Moment of Maximum Appreciation. Every bottle has one. It's the time you drink it where you enjoy it most.

Old Man Pub:Traditional British pub, renowned for being quiet, cosy and frequented by old men. Much favoured by people who like a nice chat while they drink.Psychological Drinks Cabinet:Collective term relating to the kinds of alcoholic drinks a person has need for.Road Beers:

Cans of beer that you take with you when you go out, to consume on the way.

The 3 Types of Rum:White, gold and dark. Together they form the base of many a great cocktail.

About Me

Neil Cake is interested in all types of booze, but is by no means an authority or expert. Most of the time he's just trying to be funny, but he is learning, and enjoys sharing his adventures and what he learns on the Drink it How You Like it blog.
Thengyuverrymuuuuuch.