God ... saved Noah ... a preacher of righteousness, bringing in the flood upon the world of the ungodly. 2 Peter 2:5

Lot, the just and righteous, got drunk and impregnated his daughters. (Just and righteous fathers occasionally do that sort of thing.)

Lot ... dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him ... and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters. And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us ... Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose. And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose. Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father. Genesis 19:30-36

Or let any holy flesh touch wine or it won't be holy any more. (The flesh, I think, not the wine)

Thus saith the LORD of hosts; Ask now the priests concerning the law, saying, If one bear holy flesh in the skirt of his garment, and with his skirt do touch ... wine ... shall it be holy? Haggai 2:11-12

In case you were wondering, there will be wine in heaven.

I [Jesus] will not drink henceforth of this fruit of the vine, until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father's kingdom. Matthew 26:29

Awake, ye drunkards, and weep; and howl, all ye drinkers of wine, because of the new wine; for it is cut off from your mouth. Joel 1:5

And ask Jesus' mom to help you.

And when they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith unto him, They have no wine. ... His mother saith unto the servants, Whatsoever he saith unto you, do it. ... Jesus saith unto them, Fill the waterpots with water. And they filled them up to the brim. And he saith unto them, Draw out now, and bear unto the governor of the feast. And they bare it. When the ruler of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine ... the governor of the feast called the bridegroom, And saith unto him,Every man at the beginning doth set forth good wine; and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse: but thou hast kept the good wine until now. John 2:2-10

There is one time, though, when you shouldn't drink -- when going to church. (If you do, God will kill you.)

Do not drink wine nor strong drink ... when ye go into the tabernacle of the congregation, lest ye die: it shall be a statute for ever throughout your generations. Leviticus 10:9

Be sure to give God a quarter (or a third or a half) hin of wine for a drink offering now and then. (A hin is about 4 liters.)

Now this is that which thou shalt offer upon the altar ... the fourth part of an hin of wine for a drink offering. Exodus 29:38-40

And ye shall offer ... unto the LORD ... wine, the fourth part of an hin.Leviticus 23:12-13

His offering unto the LORD ... the fourth part of an hin of wine for a drink offering. Numbers 15:4-5

For a drink offering thou shalt offer the third part of an hin of wine. Numbers 15:7

Thou shalt bring for a drink offering half an hin of wine, for ... a sweet savour unto the LORD. Numbers 15:10

David ... dealt to every one of Israel, both man and woman, ... a flagon of wine. -- 1 Chronicles 16:2-3

If you give money to God, he'll give you lots of wine.

Honour the LORD with thy substance ... and thy presses shall burst out with new wine. -- Proverbs 3:9-10

Some lips are like wine that goes down sweetly and makes sleeping people talk.

And the roof of thy mouth like the best wine for my beloved, that goeth down sweetly, causing the lips of those that are asleep to speak. Song of Solomon 7:9

If you see God flying over you blowing a trumpet, drink some wine and make a wine-like noise.

And the LORD shall be seen over them ... and the LORD God shall blow the trumpet ... and they shall drink, and make a noise as through wine. Zechariah 9:14-15

Sometimes God sends a perverse spirit that makes people act drunk, "as a drunken man staggereth in his own vomit."

The LORD hath mingled a perverse spirit in the midst thereof: they have caused Egypt to err in every work thereof, as a drunken man staggereth in his vomit. Isaiah 19:14

God will make everyone drunk and then "dash the fathers and the sons together."

Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Every bottle shall be filled with wine ... I will fill all the inhabitants of this land ... with drunkenness. And I will dash them one against another, even the fathers and the sons together, saith the LORD: I will not pity, nor spare, nor have mercy, but destroy them. Jeremiah 13:12-14

God will force all nations to drink from his wine cup of fury. It will make them drunk and crazy; then he'll kill them all with a sword.

For thus saith the LORD God of Israel unto me; Take the wine cup of this fury at my hand, and cause all the nations, to whom I send thee, to drink it.
And they shall drink, and be moved, and be mad, because of the sword that I will send among them. Jeremiah 25:15-16

Thus saith the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel; Drink ye, and be drunken, and spue, and fall, and rise no more, because of the sword which I will send among you.
And it shall be, if they refuse to take the cup at thine hand to drink, then shalt thou say unto them, Thus saith the LORD of hosts; Ye shall certainly drink. Jeremiah 25:27-28

Babylon hath been a golden cup in the LORD's hand, that made all the earth drunken: the nations have drunken of her wine; therefore the nations are mad. Jeremiah 51:7

I will make them drunken ... saith the LORD. I will bring them down like lambs to the slaughter, like rams with he goats. Jeremiah 51:39-40

God will force the Babylonians to get so drunk that they die from alcohol poisoning.

I will make drunk her princes, and her wise men, her captains, and her rulers, and her mighty men: and they shall sleep a perpetual sleep, and not wake, saith the King, whose name is the LORD of hosts. Jeremiah 51:57

On the day of the Lord, God's sword will become drunk with blood. (If God's sword can get drunk with blood, it's probably OK for you to have a beer now and then.)

For this is the day of the Lord GOD of hosts, a day of vengeance, that he may avenge him of his adversaries: and the sword shall devour, and it shall be satiate and made drunk with their blood. Jeremiah 46:10

God will feed the bodies of the people he has killed to the birds and beasts, who will become drunk on their blood.

Thus saith the Lord GOD; Speak unto every feathered fowl, and to every beast of the field ... come; gather yourselves on every side to my sacrifice that I do sacrifice for you
... that ye may ... drink blood till ye be drunken, of my sacrifice which I have sacrificed for you. Ezekiel 39:17-19

Someday we'll all get drunk on the wine of the whore of Babylon's fornication. (So there's that to look forward to.)

With whom the kings of the earth have committed fornication, and the inhabitants of the earth have been made drunk with the wine of her fornication. Revelation 17:2

1 comment:

OK, Steve,You owe me a new keyboard. I spewed coffee (no alcohol, no siree) when I read #11 on your list. :lol:

I wonder, though, what does one do if one has had one's foreskin surgically removed as required by the Lard:Genesis 17:10 This is my covenant, which ye shall keep, between me and you and thy seed after thee; Every man child among you shall be circumcised.Genesis 17:11 And ye shall circumcise the flesh of your foreskin; and it shall be a token of the covenant betwixt me and you.You can't uncover what you don't have!

Then I went from amusement to amazement as I discovered that the writers of the old testament were experts in the now-forgotten medical specialty of Genital Cardiology:

Deuteronomy 10:16 Circumcise therefore the foreskin of your heart, and be no more stiffnecked.-and-Jeremiah 4:4 Circumcise yourselves to the LORD, and take away the foreskins of your heart, ye men of Judah and inhabitants of Jerusalem: lest my fury come forth like fire, and burn that none can quench it, because of the evil of your doings.

That is probably a life-saving procedure that should be taught in medical schools. :lol:Steve Weeks