A comic retelling of the story of Romeo and Juliet using a transcript that Dawn purportedly found in a public library. Witnesses to their final days include an unlucky cat burglar, the inventor of the tampon, a polysexual page, a lecherous prince, a transsexual nurse, a hair fetishist, a necrophilic nun etc. It turns out that Romeo and Juliet died virgins as a result of being even more star-crossed as lovers than Shakespeare admitted.