Over the past months, I have struggled to find balance and to quiet my spirit. Inside my soul, I could feel my body, my mind, and my soul wrestling. They were struggling with a broken heart, the feeling that I wasn’t enough in any area of my life, and with this deep seeded pain that I would always be a fat blob. Yes my body image was in the gutter. There were hours of every day that I felt like I couldn’t take a deep breath or that my heart was shattering into too many pieces to count. Besides. . .who would even want to try counting the the pieces of my broken heart? Who would want to hold someone who has lost all roots and was crumbling to the ground?

This darkness lasted for a few very long months until I realized that slowly I was breathing a little deeper and sparks of light were finding a way into my heart. Tears stopped falling with intensity and eventually they stopped falling with any regularity at all. And then there were the mornings that I could look at myself in the mirror without cringing.

I am not sure if I can quite say what switched, but I opened my eyes a little wider, I listened to the noise around me and the quiet inside me with more awareness, and I took some time to just be where I was.

The process that I went through and that I am still navigating has become about honoring myself the best way I can by building a stronger foundation. In order to become stronger I had to process the pain and darkness that had settled inside of me.

What I have known with clarity is that there was not one thing that left me with such sadness. I feel all emotions with every fiber of my being. This means that on the days that I am unable to compartmentalize life’s many moving parts, I will drown in a sea of sorrows or simply in my own intensity.

Yes the last few months have sucked. . . completely sucked, but they also created the opportunity for me to look inward and the time to heal. Eventually the harsh realities didn’t feel so harsh and with that I began to see my roots take a firmer hold of the earth.

Sometimes the perfect words or the perfect picture show up exactly when you need them. As I was waking up, I was looking for what I needed to do so that I could become a little stronger.

This new journey that I am on is not simple. With a long path ahead of me, I realized that I needed to set up some boundaries for myself. This meant deep reflection:

What was missing from my life?

Does writing guide my every step? If it doesn’t, it needs to.

Am I doing enough to nourish and nurture my spirit?

Have I been creative enough?

Do I take time to play?

Am I moving in a way that feels good for my body?

Am I moving enough?

How am I choosing to fuel my body and my brain?

Can I do more to make this world a better place? Or what do I have to do differently so that my impact in this world is more positive?

Is stretching, reaching, and growing an active part of my day?

If I am really going to be the healthiest that I can be, I need to be guided by deep seeded accountability multiple times every day.

Am I living authentically?

Am I choosing to hide behind a mask that others decorate?

Am I being the chameleon that fits into the world as I believe others want me to?

Over the last few weeks, I began to see that I was living behind a shadow of my own making. This realization means that it is time for me to actively return to strengthening my foundation with clear intentions while using this clarity to build the body, mind, and soul I want.

The work is daunting and yet it is also profoundly rewarding too. Each day I am gaining ground and celebrating more and more successes. I am also taking responsibility for navigating my life with intention as I actively engage in putting together the puzzle pieces of my body, mind, and soul. Only through that journey will I be able to soar and better become the woman I want to be.

Join me over the coming weeks as I unveil some of the moving parts that I am navigating and myriad of ways I hope to stretch, to grow, and ultimately to heal. My hope is that as I share some of my story, I may inspire you in some small way.

Onward with love, light, and blessings,
Chava

(Note: If you read to the end and if you like what I have to share, I’d love it if you would let me know by liking or commenting on my post.)

We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.

Maya Angelou

Ever since I can remember, I have imagined myself wrapped in a sweet cocoon of warmth and safety. Knowing that I can stay there until I am ready to spread my wings and fly. Sometimes I even imagine that I may stay there forever.

Life is full of so many moving and overwhelming parts. On a good day, our hearts and minds are in a good place with a realistic to do list that needs our attention. But the hard days are not far behind. On those days, our hearts are broken open and in need of mending while the to do list goes on for miles.

On the later days, I love the idea of spinning a cocoon around myself with the aspirations of navigating what will ultimately become a deeply reflective transformation.

Only through going inward, can I honor the deepest parts of who I am and who I want to become. While my stories have often empowered me to be the woman I am, they also need to be released in order to birth an even more vibrant me – not so different from shedding the cocoon so that I can fly and reach new heights.

In the last few years, I have been celebrating how perfectly imperfect I really am. My flaws and vulnerabilities are part of a bigger picture – maybe even a masterpiece in the making. I am a spiritual warrior whose resilience has made it possible for me to thrive as I have.

While there may be times when my brokenness leaves me navigating the darkness, more often than not, I am able to take the pain and emerge into a better spiritual space much as the caterpillar emerges a butterfly.

There is so much healing that needs to take place inside of me and around me right now, so for just a little while I will spin the cocoon and allow for the quiet to soothe my spirit. At the end of this journey, may I be ready to take flight and soar to new heights.

Blogging is what I do. I love writing and sharing my heart, my mind, and my soul.

Reflection Time Selfie

If this is your first time reading this series of my blog, please take a moment and read the introduction Elul Journey: A New Year Is Emerging – 5775 http://t.co/Y6vmXdO6GJ

Today is 12 Elul or 18 days until 5775; it is a time to reflect and to choose ways in which I can best move towards the High Holy Days and the days that follow. While it is not easy to navigate life’s journeys, I always get to decide how to approach my life. In this moment, I am choosing to walk gently and embrace each step with openness. As I say this, I also realize that this would be a good time for a reality check.

During each blog post of my Elul Journeys, I will share a poem, a saying, a teaching that has helped me navigate the world. Let me know what you think!

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Every step I take in light is mine forever.Quote by Swami Vivekananda

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Light is always full of power; only when I trust that light, will I soar and be the best person that I can be.

I am a work in progress; all of us are. Still, I try to remember my simple mission in life. My job is to radiate light wherever I go and to absorb the sparks that light the world around me. Only by doing these things can I serve all that is in the universe and make a difference for good.

Always remember that even in the darkest situations, light can emerge.

Nearly 10 years ago, I changed my last name to Gal-Or which means wave of light. Without a doubt, I believe that light has the power to guide me through life and to sustain me throughout my journeys. Time and again, light has helped me navigate life’s challenges and gifts too.

It’s official. . .I am certifiably nuts. . . Tonight I went out walking and I serenaded the moon. While Dovi, my 15 year old son, might not forgive me, I am thrilled to have decompressed in this way.

I am one of the most intense people I know. I rarely shut down and just chill, but tonight I did. Tonight I sang and created new lyrics to songs that usually have different words. I chanted chants that move me to a spiritual place. I laughed out loud and smiled broadly. I felt truly alive.

As someone who has yet to study the power of the full moon, I believe it had something to do with the full moon’s energy. Perhaps it also had to do with my need to relax and appreciate the rhythm of the earth and the rhythm of the sky. My entire body reverberated from the energy I was feeling and it still is.

Life’s biggest gifts come when you open your eyes a little wider than normal, breathe a little deeper than usual, and watch things unfold. Today that’s exactly what I did. I appreciated what was and appreciated the moments as they unveiled themselves.

A few days ago, a distant friend who feels like a soul friend, asked me if I was ok. With that one question, I was struck with the fact that I had not been managing my intensity as I should. And now, I feel blessed by both the question and the realization that came to me 24 hours later. While I embrace life and the emotional roller-coaster that comes with it, I really am feeling grounded and content. While I am actively engaged in life’s journeys, I am also conscious of each and every emotion. The bottom-line is I am an intense soul who constantly navigates the world and all of the inhabitants that I encounter.

I think, I feel, I dream, I vision, I seek, and I struggle. I hope, I believe, I soar, and I embrace life intensely. And yet when the day is done, when the moment ends, I am basically a content woman. I love life.

Tonight the moon called to me. She showed me her beautiful energy and she surrounded me too. With that realization, I became acutely aware that my heart was soaring and my soul was singing. And with each step under the moon and stars, I found my voice.