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Friday, 22 January 2016

WEEKEND GIST: DIARY OF A 30 YR OLD SINGLE LADY EPISODE 3

It was on a Sunday and I was in a church service. The sermon
was very interesting as the pastor preached on faith. The part wey I hear well
well was about husband lol. abeg no blame me na the thing wey dey give me sleepless night.

He said that if you are believing God for a
husband, you should go and buy wedding gown or your husband's suit and begin to
speak to it.

According to him faith is all about taking action, he said
that people have testified about this.

The next day being Monday, I was already at a bridal shop
waiting for them to open.

Immediately they opened, I dashed inside and started
selecting wedding gown to the bewilderment of the shop attendant

.*Aunty please
do you need wedding gown?* yes, yes* I replied. Okay wait outside let me sweep
the shop, then you can come inside*ok no problem, no problem at all* i replied with excitement.

After the girl has finished sweeping, she ushered me in and
we started selecting my choice and my size.

*Aunty when is the wedding?*

Mmmhh... In two month’s time

*Where is the wedding going to hold?*

* it’s going to hold at either
Lagos or Abuja*

Ah!* The girl was astonished* but where is your husband
based*

*Nne help me select a gown, when the I v comes out, I will
bring one for you, you hear?*

* ok *she replied with a broad smile.

Finally, I made my choice, the gown was so beautiful and it
fitted me perfectly. The girl fixed the veil and became my chief bridesmaid; I
closed my eyes and started singing and dancing towards the altar where my
husband is waiting for me.

The girl was singing and dancing along with me. This
husband wahala na universal wahala o! I think say na only me the thing wan
comot craze.

*How much is the gown?*

*One hundred and fifty thousand*

*No problem, I will be here next weekend with my husband to
pick it* i said with confidence *by then my husband for don locate me*. i thought to myself.

*Ok aunty remember to bring my iv o*

* No problem dear* the girl was already envying me. chai this world eh

.

I zoomed out of the shop before the girl could remember to ask me another question. One hundred andfifty thousand for a wedding gown?
Where I keep dat kain money, chai wetin I go do now huh, buying a suit is out
of the question as men's suit can be expensive as well.

After thinking and searching for an alternative, I decide to
buy a packet shirt. I went to the market
and bought a fine shirt.

.

Immediately I reached my house, I put it in a hanger and
began to speak to it, no wasting of time jare. *You my husband wherever you are
appear by fire by thunder, appear! appear!! appearrrrr!!!

Every morning, I will anoint the shirt prophesying that I’m using the shirt as a point of
contact to locate my husband. People were actually testifying that it worked
for them and all that but as for me no show. *Na so my own thing dey be* I
muttered angrily.

After three months no show.One day I became very annoyed with the shirt, I brought
it down from the wardrobe,lay it on the bed and got a cane.

I began to flog it
shouting.*:Any woman holding my husband captive release him and die ,release him
and die, release him and die, die die die die!

I was having a conviction that it must be a
woman tying him down somewhere so I wanted to kill that evil woman. Nonsense*!

stay chic

sylvia

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About Me

A wife,mother and a graduate of linguistics.A professional makeup artist and an author of an unfinished book lolz. writing is my passion and i hope to make an impact on someone's life through this medium. welcome to my blog.