Hamburglar Back in Custody!

A low-profile arrest last week brought good cheer back to the Fremont Rural Volunteer Fire Department in Fremont, Nebraska. As reported in the Fremont Tribune, consternation blazed through the house when their life-sized statue of Hamburglar disappeared from the yard of one of their peers.

The house's valued mascot, reserved for making appearances only on special occasions, had been placed in the front yard of a firefighter celebrating his 30th birthday. The effigy typically sees the light of day only once a year as a gag for anniversaries and birthdays.

The fugitive's aforementioned stealth caused Fremont Policeunaccustomed to the sight of a giant, masked, pinstriped burger-addict stalking the suburbs for beefto act with extreme prejudice. Spotting the Hamburglar’s head peeking from the yard, the police came in for a closer look.

Figuring the figure had been shanghaied from a local Mickey Ds, the cops felt they were reapprehending the 'Burglar, whose visage is infamous to authorities the world over for a decades-long career in attempted petit larceny, doing his best, but ultimately failing, to steal hamburgers from under the nose of one Ronald McDonald, resident of McDonaldland. Although at the time of the report, the Hamburglar had not yet been returned to the Freemont Fire Department, hopes are high that the Hamburglar will make his way back to its jurisdiction.

The Hamburglar, apparently unremorseful for his crimes, past and present, could only emit a high-pitched giggle when asked for comment.