Colonel Hall: What is that? Bilko: [nonchalantly] That's horse shit, sir. I tell the men "You have to test-drive the vehicles"... Colonel Hall: What's it doing there? Bilko: It keeps the flies off the food, sir. There's no way you can tell what wrong with an engine when it's just sitting on the block... Colonel Hall: Off the food? Bilko: It's an experimental program, I'd say the results are mixed. [Hall then notices the live horse from the tug-of-war that's been hoisted up above them] Sgt. Barbella: It's a lot cheaper than sending out for it, sir. Sgt. Henshaw: And fresher too.

[Major Thorn is doing a surprise inspection of the barracks, so just before he arrived Bilko quickly moved his men out of their untidy living quarters to another platoon's next door and switched the signs around] Major Thorn: [holding up some ladies underwear he's found in the closet] Are these yours? Sgt. Henshaw: It is my understanding that you can longer ask me these questions, sir. Colonel Hall: It's a new army, Major. We're all adjusting.