AustriaA long acapella intro shows off some impressive lungwork. A bit inspirational Disney,complete with a key change and appearance of a concealed choir.

AzerbaijanLike a rich tea biscuit - dull but not unpleasant.

BelarusA recent trend has been the self-promotional Eurosong (cf LT United, The Balkan Girls, Irlande Douze Point etc etc) but this is a bit different and has absolutely no ironic wink to the audience. I like it, but I feel that the chorus is a bit too close to 'Ra Ra Rasputin' to count as strictly original. If the video is anything to go by, the stage show will include some people in traditional costume dancing, which I always love.

Oh god, the zither just kicked in.

BelgiumYou can never tell what the Belgians are going to contribute. This year, we have someslick and nonsensical acapella vocal jazz in our gift from Brussels. Remaining sodefiantly out of step with modern pop takes some doing. I take my hat off to them. The beatbox section was quite good though and I liked the way they did the keychange.

Bosnia & HerzegovinaReal end of the night drunken 'life is hard but we get along' stuff with a touch ofoompah. I hope the man gets a better jacket for the big night in May.

BulgariaA rock ballad by an impressively coiffed young rock chick. I spotted a keytar in herband, who were all playing seated until the second verse for no apparent reason. I like it, but as it's in Bulgarian I think I will have to make up my own words before I can put it onto my 'Clenched Fist of Emotion Angsty Singalong Playlist'. "Oh, my emotions are all stinky!" the chorus could go.

CroatiaMid-nineties dance here. The singer has a very captivating nose and exhorts us to 'put our hands up' and have a good time. It's pleasant, but I don't know if it's memorable enough to make it through the semis. Luckily, Croatia will probably have enough friends to put it through regardless.

Ooh, the breakdown there had some dubstep wub-wub-wub noises in it. Modern!

CyprusWhine, whine, manpain, whine.

DenmarkI suggest that we could be looking at a Danish win. This song already sounds like theend of an 'emotional journey' documentary or a blast of confetti on a man holding a big glass trophy. I am not just saying this because one of my favourite Eurovision pals is Danish. I do think the giant white balloon things are cheating though.

EstoniaRockefeller Street is just nonsense and is ruined entirely by the awful loud shoutygrindy bits after the choruses. I was prepared to get behind this song until that.

FinlandAn adorable, if slightly worthy eco-ballad. It's a bit like what we were all listening to when Travis were big. You can even probably sing the chorus of 'Writing to Reach' you over the chorus of this one if you wanted to.

FranceOh, France. This is getting silly now. I preferred Sebastian Tellier with his daft golf cart and his bearded backing singers. This sort of soft opera crap hasn't beenconsidered pop music since the charts were decided on who had sold the most sheetmusic. Play the bloody game.

GeorgiaRocktastic and quite fun. I wasn't expecting the rapper, but I don't think itdetracted. I would have liked more singer/rapper interaction because I love a shoutyboy/girl duet.

GermanyLena is already massive. I quite like this - reminds me a tiny bit of Lykke Li or anyof the icily-temperamented sexy pop ladies of recent years. Love it, but it's too kinky and wierd to do well in Eurovision. I have, however, put it on my main Spotifyplaylist.

GreeceBack to ridiculous Europop with a song featuring rapper 'Stereo Mike' (not the same one from that song where some guy said 'This is Stereo Mike? Stereo Mike?). Do you remember when the UK put some gentle, non-threatening urban music by Love City Groove in for Eurovis and it didn't do well? Well I finally think Europe has caught up. I've noted the presence of about half a dozen rappers, beatboxers and allied trades, which at least means Eurovision has moved forwards.

I didn't care for this song at all.

HungaryGeneric upbeat disco stuff. Enjoyable and with leanings towards being anthemic. Cherwould have had this on the 'Believe' album.

IcelandVery, very gentle easy listening with parping brass.

IrelandI was recently trying to explain the concept of Jedward to some non-Brits and wasreminded that two halfwits do in fact constitute one wholewit. The video is really,really troubling, but not as troubling as the jedward twitter feed that I followbecause I cannot look away. I am not sure if it is alright for Jedward to be out in the world, but they seem happy enough. I cannot wait to see what havock they can wreak in the green room. The song is listenable tosh, but it's more or less besides the point.

IsraelDana International returns with some sort of treatment on her vocals. I'm glad she'sback and all that, but I wish the song was at least an order of magnitude better.

ItalyBack after 14 years, Italy supplies us with a rather classy number that belongs in anunderground bar at about 1:20am. From the music video, I presume it is also connectedwith a film or soap or something. Unsure.

MaltaMalta submit a winning, dancey plea for equality and tolerance that is basically GaGa's Born This Way but a little bit less good.

MoldovaBig dumb rock chorus with verses featuring some sort of local Moldovan wind instrument.Compelling. The NME could potentially like something like this, but only for one weekbefore an inevitable vitriolic backlash.

NetherlandsAural teflon. I cannot remember what it sounds like and it's still playing.

NorwayI thought I could hear autotune or something on the gal's voice, but it was enjoyableand listenable. The chorus is in Swahili, which I thiiiiiink might be the first timelyrics in Swahili have appeared at Eurovision.

PolandYou can reconstruct this song in your head by imagining Britney's 'Womanizer' andsystematically stripping all the fun production touches off it. Harrumph, harrumph.

PortugalIt's the quirky one! I interpreted this as being some sitcom characters singing a ditty about socialism or trades unionism. It's called 'The Struggle' and I suspect there is some wordplay in it that doesn't translate. (I looked at the bio after writing this and it turned out that I was right. They are comedians & it is about socialism.)

RomaniaLike Mika, but less squeaky. The further you get into the song, the more Mika-like itis.

RussiaSome guy in tight black jeans doing a song that 911 or A1 would probably just abouthave got away with in the 90s.

SloveniaAnother vaguely gloomy number with some twangy sitar very low in the mix and sometotally overenthusiastic dancers who I hope she is keeping for their entertainmentvalue.

SpainAwful. I don't know why I found this more objectionable than some of the others, but I certainly did.

SwedenStraight down the line male-fronted Europop. Maybe it's been a long day, mayber I'vewatched too many Eurovision entries today, but aside from the glass-smashing, I foundit pretty ordinary. Of all the records, this one was most like something that wouldactually be in the charts, which you'd expect because Saade is a proper pop star.

SwitzerlandI was sure that the riff was ripped off an advert for an ipod or a cosy insurancecompany. Like Fairground Attraction, but without the charm.

TurkeyFor a song about being cool and having louche rock and roll fun, the actual music and lyrics falls slightly short of cool and louche. It's only ok.

UkraineA winsome blonde in a series of neo-Victorian circus-themed vignettes sings a song of the sort that you could possibly get Aguilera to stick on your film soundtrack. Overwrought and vaguely unpleasant, and contains what could have been the biggest keychange transition of the night, if only it hadn't have wimped out.

UKWe should probably just give up and send random nonsense. I am not the first person to point it out, but: