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jokes....

okay just got this in and hopefully they aren't too rude to post (?) - but well if you need a giggle look no further....

Imagine if all major manufacturers started producing their own brand of condoms.........

Tesco Condoms: every little helps
Sainsbury Condoms: making life taste better
Nike Condoms: Just do it.
Peugeot Condoms: The ride of your life.
Galaxy Condoms: Why have rubber when you can have silk.
KFC Condoms: Finger, Licking good.
Minstrels Condoms: melt in your mouth , not in your hands.
Safeway condoms: Lightening the load..
Abbey National condoms: because life is complicated enough.
Coca Cola condoms: The real thing.
Ever Ready condoms: keep going and going.
Macintosh condoms: It does more, it costs less, it's that simple
Pringles condoms: once you pop, you cant stop
Burger King condoms: Home of the whopper
Goodyear condoms: " for a longer ride go wide "
FCUK condoms: no comment required.
Muller Light condoms: so much pleasure, but where's the pain.
Flash condoms: Just sit back, relax and let flash do all the hard work.
Halford condoms: we go the extra mile.
ON digital condoms: plug and play !!!!
Royal Mail condoms: I saw this and thought of you.
Andrex condoms: Soft, strong and very very long.
Renault condoms: size really does matter!

here are some good ones:

1)A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, face all covered in fresh
blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon, all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him
about where he got it from. He told them to bugger off and let him get
some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. "OK", he said
"FOLLOW ME" and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.
Down thru a valley they went, across a river and into a huge forest full
of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly
milled around him, tongues hanging out, thirsty for blood.

"Do you see that large oak tree over there" the bat asked. "YES, YES,
YES" the bats all replied in a frenzy.
"GOOD" said the vampire bat, "Because I ****ing didn't!"

2)A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!''

The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''

all about knives? what would i know about em? oh well.. whatever!
I'm a certified Ninjai fanatic

rofl...

damn this is the best one I could find...ah well I have one thats 10x better...

Johny was a very young boy, around the age of 7-8. At a young age he learned the power and warmth of God.

One day he decided to write a letter to God asking for $100.00. He wanted to purchase a toy that he wanted so bad so he decided God would be the person to ask.

He sat down and wrote:

Dear God,
I would like $100.00. I have been praying and following your rules and I was just wondering if you would kindly send me some money...

Thank you,

John B.

Johny then sent it off with his return address and recipient address: God. When the post office saw this letter they thought it was very cute, they decided to forward it to Washington where George Bush got a hold of it.

He thought that it was so cute that he would tell his secretary to send $5.00 to the little boy and a letter.

When the boy received the letter he was overjoyed...he open it up and to his surprise found $5.00. He also noticed it came directly from Washington DC. He was so thankful he decided to send another letter thanking god:

Dear God,

I am very thankful for your gift, but next time may you please forward it to me directly instead of sending it through Washington?

Originally posted by Seer... Microsoft Condoms - Where do you want to go today?
Eh, "A general protection fault has occured..."

Microsoft Condoms - A general protection fault has occured...

That's great!

Originally posted by davedibiase... Johny was a very young boy, around the age of 7-8. At a young age he learned the power and warmth of God.

One day he decided to write a letter to God asking for $100.00. He wanted to purchase a toy that he wanted so bad so he decided God would be the person to ask.

He sat down and wrote:

Dear God,
I would like $100.00. I have been praying and following your rules and I was just wondering if you would kindly send me some money...

Thank you,

John B.

Johny then sent it off with his return address and recipient address: God. When the post office saw this letter they thought it was very cute, they decided to forward it to Washington where George Bush got a hold of it.

He thought that it was so cute that he would tell his secretary to send $5.00 to the little boy and a letter.

When the boy received the letter he was overjoyed...he open it up and to his surprise found $5.00. He also noticed it came directly from Washington DC. He was so thankful he decided to send another letter thanking god:

Dear God,

I am very thankful for your gift, but next time may you please forward it to me directly instead of sending it through Washington?

Those jerks deducted $95.00...

I'll wager that this joke is based off of an old Spanish story entitled Una Carta a Dios.

Colin Anderson Ambition is a poor excuse for those withoutsense enough to be lazy.

Apologies if anyone finds this offensive

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows.
You keep one and
give one to your neighbor.

A SOCIALIST:
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So what?

AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being
successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

A COMMUNIST:
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

A FASCIST:
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
They are mad. They die.
Pass the shepherd's pie, please.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You worship both of them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.

AN ISRAELI CORPORATION:
There are these two Jewish cows, right?
They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?

AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
That one on the left is kinda cute...

One puzzled student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?" The teacher did not know, and the word wasn't in her French dictionary. So for fun she split
the class into two groups, appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or feminine noun. Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
half your pay check buying accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer"), because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but they are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

the start of a few from moi =)

Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well,
there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However,
every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies
invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that
no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad
scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic
mistakes every single time. Therefore, if I ever happen to become an
Evil Overlord:

1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors,
not face-concealing ones.

2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not
kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the
Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of
Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the
object which is my one weakness.

6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill
me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No."
and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."

8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married
immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three
weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely
necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button
labeled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push"
will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to
disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small
hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need
to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker
enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws
in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds
of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the
cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying
celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any
other form of last request.

15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find
that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate
when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into
operation.

16. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just
one thing I want to know."

17. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt
to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction
at a crucial point in time.

19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was
evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her
own father.

20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in
maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected
developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms
for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make
them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol
hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more
positive mind-set.

22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I
will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops
in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my
power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless
-- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with
spears and rocks.

24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and
weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at
least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM
INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort
of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and
virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there
is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me.
Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bed chamber.

27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important
systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the
same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.

28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot
escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies
into confusion.

30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and
cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes
will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of
comic relief.

31. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with
surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected
reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad
news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard
to come by.

33. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to
wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual
dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be
reserved for formal occasions.

34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look
diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell
block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will
keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out
copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring
anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of
waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me
in my old age.

39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at
the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite
number among his army.

40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable
superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of
keeping it in reserve.

41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog,
monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of
untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the
beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good
looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.

44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work
for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds
to give the other guy a sporting chance.

45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible
for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will
not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for
failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

46. If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one
man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.

47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I
will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for
him to mature.

48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology
with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will
not immediately come after me for revenge.

49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me,
I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them
out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

50. My main computers will have their own special operating system that
will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.

51. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the
conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer
him to a less people-oriented position.

52. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to
examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned
tunnels that I might not know about.

53. If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you!
Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.

54. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to
double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

55. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place
in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important
covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if
there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.

56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who
cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for
target practice.

57. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will
carefully read the owner's manual.

58. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose
dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.

60. My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any
code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds,
it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.

61. If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad
scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.

62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding
structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.

63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And
they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going
through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.

64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely
unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a
disadvantage.

65. If I must have computer systems with publicly available terminals,
the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as
the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The
actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.

66. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone
who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for
fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence
will trigger the alarm system.

67. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be
instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a
full-scale emergency.

68. I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is
only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is
good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better
save my life again.

69. All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be
delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in
foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.

70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always
travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of
them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately
initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering
around a corner.

71. If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should
be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen
standing by in case the answer is no.

72. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and
begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of
using my unstoppable superweapon on them.

73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged
contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.

74. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that
my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not
label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.

75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse,
instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack
one or two at a time.

76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and
struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also
not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge
over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)

77. If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero
the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutenant, I will retain
enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of
earshot before making the offer.

78. I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!"
The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."

79. If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon
as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into
limited-edition commemorative coins.

80. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my
best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as
he gets closer and closer to my fortress.

81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed
him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops
flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find
out what he saw.

82. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front
of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.

83. If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then
have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both
of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.

84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.

85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly
complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then
activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will
be more along the lines of "Push the button."

86. I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.
87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use.
Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate
them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.

89. After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately
disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds
the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I
took it from him.

90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is
facing away from the door.

91. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and
obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment
is finished. It might actually be important.

92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him.
Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight
on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few
months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of
righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

93. If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling
who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled
to go first.

94. When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and
grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.

95. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with
bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells
the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead
of opening up the cell for a look.

96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control
panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on
the inside opens the door, not vice versa.

97. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain
reflective surfaces or anything that can be unraveled.

98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully
monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I
will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together
against their will and they spend all their time bickering and
criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when
they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of
sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

99. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45 Mb in size.

100. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless
trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light,and next to him is a kid on
his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to
you?" The kid says, "Yeah." The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that
bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.

The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got
there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse,
instead of on top."

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove
that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The
President decides to give them a test. He releases a
rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants
throughout the forest. They question all plant and
mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive
investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they
burn the forest, killing everything in it, including
the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had
it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a
badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay!
I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!

ROFL THIS IS FUNNY...

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"