What crosses a guy's mind when watching Girls? For one, why do the deepest convos happen when the fewest clothes are on?

When we last saw Girls' Hannah Horvath (Lena Dunham) at the end of season one, she was sitting in the sand on Coney Island, eating wedding cake, and reflecting. Well, she made it home, thank God.

Season two begins in more gentrified areas of Brooklyn: Hannah's safe, sound, and sharing a bed with new roommate Elijah (Andrew Rannells), Shoshanna's (Zosia Mamet's) performing some sort of Shaman ritual on her apartment and praying something horrible happens to Ray (Alex Karpovsky.) And Marnie's (Allison Williams') boss is taking her out for a gossipy lunch and, oops, forgetting to fire her.

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The really big news is that Hannah's now dating Sandy (played by Community's Donald Glover), but their relationship is complicated by poor, broken-legged Adam (Adam Driver), who's playing the emotionally-fragile-and-physically-incapacitated card to keep Hannah close. I know I'm supposed to feel bad for both of them (especially Hannah?) as she takes on pasta pot bedpan duty, but the only emotion I experience is lazy man's envy. Seriously, I would confine myself to an iron lung for six months if someone would occasionally bring me a magazine and a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I believe I'm not the only one, and I applaud my own bravery for saying it.

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Hannah and Elijah's karaoke party is an awkward affair. Elijah's sugar daddy boyfriend George is drunk; Shoshanna fumbles through Sean Kingston's "Beautiful Girls," dutiful boyfriend Charlie (Christopher Abott) gets emasculated by his new girl, Audrey, while his old one, Marnie, looks on. Charlie is easily the character for whom I have the most empathy. My wife suggests it's because I have a crush on him, but I'm too busy wondering if my hair would look good styled like his—kind of an emo Kramer?—to even respond. (It so would.)

The ensuing scene is the Girls-iest in the entire episode: Marnie and Hannah discuss the state of their friendship while Hannah strips to her underwear. This is the immutable truth of Girls: The deepest convos happen when the fewest clothes are on. The only thing keeping them from having a Dr. Phil-level breakthrough is the fact that neither is squatting over a commode. The toilet chat thing is fascinating to guys, by the way. For us, a trip to the john is like a trip to the Vatican: No talking. No photographs. Just quiet reverence, please.

Ray and Shoshanna's Emoji conversation is awesome ("A panda next to a gun next to a wrapped gift… it makes no sense!"), but it's only half-true. Ladies, here's the secret: Your guy may not have Emoji on his iPhone, but he has stashed one deep in his text messages, and he stares at it when he's feeling blue and it makes him happy. There's also a 75 percent chance it's the smiling poop. We can't explain this.)

After that, things get crazy. For Elijah and Marnie, some Sarah McLachlan karaoke leads to an unexpected sexual encounter, and then drives Marnie to Charlie's door. Jessa and the delightfully goofy Thomas John return from their honeymoon, and Hannah, ignoring the pleas of a heartsick, stir crazy Adam, shows up at Sandy's place.

What happens next? It's hard to say. But she starts taking off her clothes, so we can assume they're either going to a) have sex or b) read The Fountainhead. Golden Globes all around!