The Diary of Kuya Pardz

"At this moment, there are six billion, four hundred seventy million, eight hundred eighteen thousand, six hundred seventy one people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just not facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil.
Six billion people in the world...
... Six billion souls.
And sometimes
...All you need is one."
i hope to find mine...

Friday, August 18, 2006

August 18 experience

Change...

Everything and everyone goes through it...

We don't notice it sometimes...

While some try so desperately to make it happen.

Others let things run there course...

Or some conspire to make things happen.

Some of us try to embrace it...

While others just turn a deaf's ear.

Change is the only permanent thing in this world some might say...

Some might say that it's a part of life...

But nevertheless it's not the act of changing that matters...

It's how we react and take it to heart.

Just recently I was given the oppertunity to get in touch with a part of me that I lost. You see I've been in dark place in my life for so long that I actually thought it was who I am. I thought that having all this bitterness and anger was the only thing I could hold on too. Thinking to myself that this is what life had in store for me. I had lost myself in the darkness but yesterday made realize that it wasn't the case. It was more of me just wanting to stay where I was simply because it was all I knew, but now I know I can get out of it.

It was my recollection yesterday and like any other recollection I pretty much expected the same old things. True enough it was kinda the same to the other recollections I've gone to but the difference was the people I got to spend it with. These were people who I only knew in my first term here in CSB. People who I just to chatting with because they were my seatmates or because we had common friends. I guess God just wanted me to get together with these people to make me realize the truth about myself. That I am a good person.

It was proven to me yet again that everything does happen for a reason. I was given a cahnce to get to know these people more and we got share about our experiences, belifs, values etc amd what I loved the most was the final activity wherein we got to talk about our negative traits and give positives ones. what moved me the most were the things that they were saying about me. It really moved me so much because in the short amount of time we've spent together I made a very big impact on their lives. What they don't know is that all the things that they said really got me in touch with myself and me realize that my life now isn't what it was back then. I've really grew up and somehow lost the things that were really who I am as a person.

To my groupmates namely: Iko, Lxa, Kel and Ramir I just want to thank you guys for making me see me for the first time in a long time. I don't know how I can ever repay you; just know that after being with you guys I can really consider you as my friends and know that no matter what I will always be here for you. You can count on me for anything and I will be there for you. Thank you guys so much!!! I love you all!!! *mwah*

Saturday, August 05, 2006

*sigh*

responsibility...

it SUCKS!!!

it never seems to go away when you get older...

nor does it get any easier.

i hate the fact that i have so much responsibility and the fact that i choose to also take them...it's just the kind of guy i am i guess. nevertheless, it sucks to just have it. the fact that alot is expected of you or the fact that i have to mature or the fact that i can't afford to act like a teenager when in fact i still am. it's just hard to do or be so much for so many people that sometimes i can't help but feel that im forgetting myself sometimes and i mean this for everything. school, family, friends, love life, social life and a like that sometimes i just find myself just crying myself to sleep or im indifferent to other people or just that i want to drop everything and runaway...but sadly i can't. i have so much going for me and things going on in my life that i can't really afford to do it. all i can really do is just suck it in and live life.

i know that you might be sick of me saying this and i know you might say why don't i just do it or find an alternative solution or just get over it coz im not the only person who's going through it...you maybe right but all im really trying to do is just get everything off my chest. this is the only medium i have for now to bring my inner most feelings out.