Monday, December 31, 2012

Firstly, I should probably apologize for not even paying much attention to my blog in ALMOST TWO YEARS! Shame on me! I love to write and share my thoughts so this is just simply unacceptable. I will do my utmost to write more in 2013.
2012...what a year! It's been quite the whirlwind of memories and life-changing experiences, ups and downs. Though it all, it's been GOOD! I am super blessed! WE are super blessed! To some degree, I think I have some mixed feelings about this year, but I learned so many things about life...about myself, and for that I am truly grateful.

The bestest moment of 2012 is the birth of our amazing and beautiful daughter, Verah Amarise. She is just such a perfect addition to our sweet little family, and I am so thankful for her precious smile everyday. The pregnancy was hard. Gestational diabetes at the end made is bittersweet, but we made it through. God carried us, and everything turned out okay. Verah was born perfectly healthy and just...well...perfect! To see her and her big brother play together warms my heart. I am so thankful for the amazing little people in my life, and it is such a great honor to call them my kiddos.

Jaydon...oh boy! He is ALL BOY! Active, energetic, fun, and just full of life! I wish I could tell you that I can keep up with him, but the fact of the matter is...I can't! Haha! Jaydon has taught me a lot this past year, and he challenges me a lot. It's difficult at times but good. Jaydon started school this year, he got a baby sister, and he really is not a baby anymore (though he will always be my baby!). He is such a big boy now! Life can be exhausting and challenging with him at times, especially lately, but overall he is just awesome. I wouldn't change a thing...well, we could do with less tantrums, but ya know. Haha. Jaydon is just so curious about life and every aspect of it, and he makes me wanna be a better mom each day. I love him so much.

Our marriage saw its ups and downs over this past year...with lots of stressors and whatnot, we became exhausted, frustrated, and just overwhelmed at times, but in the end...we've come out stronger and more in love than ever! I see how God has used these trials in our lives and marriage to draw us not only closer to Him but to each other. It's been quite a ride! It's just so cool to spend your life with someone that you can act silly and dumb with, be a kid again with, be serious with, and just be yourself with...learned to be vulnerable and transparent with your life partner. I've learned a lot about this in recent months. I've also learned to let go more and trust Guido more. My recent health issues and burnout has caused me to have no other choice, and it's really been good for all of us. Guido has really stepped up and done beyond the call of duty to hold our family and household together and pick up the pieces where I couldn't manage. I am so blessed to have him in my life. He is a great man. I love that we have a babysitter now so we can actually have date nights outside of the house! I love that he has taken steps to become even more sexy than he already is with his new wardrobe and style. Hahahaha! (He is going to kill me for writing that, but I don't care cuz it's true.)

Oh man have I just grown a lot. God's healed my heart a lot. God told me shortly after Verah was born..."Okay, Jess. Now it's time to deal with your stuff." And I have been doing just that. It's not easy. God has allowed and continues to allow me to walk through certain situations that cause me to rely on Him so much more than I ever have before. It's good. Difficult but good. I find that I am becoming more confident in who I am though I still struggle with insecurity more than I would like to admit. I am FINALLY beginning to follow my dreams, and it's awesome! Dabbling in photography a bit more, singing lessons, etc. It's been so grand. Really. I am getting more of a sense of who JESS is...just as JESS, not only as wife, mother, daughter, sister, housekeeper...you get the idea. Relationships have been challenged this year a lot. God is refining me. He is drawing me closer to Him. I am learning more and more just how much HE is the true Source of LIFE in every aspect of my being, and without Him...I am nothing.

So yeah...2013! A new year! Yeah! I am so curious and excited about what this next year will bring. I am saddened in a way that, as I write this, there are less than 2 hours left of the year in which my daughter was born, but life goes on. Time doesn't stop. I am so looking forward to all that's to come. All that God has in store for me and my wonderful, sweet little family. Guido starts his new job 5 minutes from our home this week! That's been a prayer answered after a couple of years now. God is faithful. My kids are growing, healthy, and vibrant. We have a beautiful home and a wonderful extended family....sometimes difficult to deal with, but we love them just the same. Hahaha!
God spoke to me the other day while in the shower (happens A LOT!) about 2013 being the year of dreams coming true. This makes my heart spring with joy. I am thrilled. He has been opening up doors already and blessing me in this area in so many ways. I have all sorts of new ideas, and I am excited about all of the new avenues that He will help me pursue in this next year. I can't to make some great memories with family and loved ones, friends and strangers alike. This next year is going to be great. It's going to be blessed. We're blessed.