Atlas Chugged

Friday, March 09, 2007

We interrupt this dead blog

Newt had an affair. While leading the effort to impeach Bill Clinton. Really, even for a Republican, even for Newt, this represents the Olympian heights of hypocrisy. Is there even a doubt that, had the shoe been on the other foot and had Gingrich been asked under oath about his affair, HE WOULD HAVE LIED HIS ASS OFF?

But now the fun really starts. Now we can watch the entire Conservative community try to rationalize this.

Newt himself does a little two-step: I was bad, yes, but I was doing Good Work. Step one:

"There are times that I have fallen short of my own standards. There's certainly times when I've fallen short of God's standards."

"I drew a line in my mind that said, 'Even though I run the risk of being deeply embarrassed, and even though at a purely personal level I am not rendering judgment on another human being, as a leader of the government trying to uphold the rule of law, I have no choice except to move forward and say that you cannot accept ... perjury in your highest officials."

Ah, there we go! The Newt Gingrich Sanctimony Two-Step. Yes, I had shortcomings. But hey, I had to do it! In fact, it was a courageous decision to expose myself to personal embarrassment! I had no choice! I had to uphold the rule of law!

How will Conservatives react?

I expect James Dobson and his ilk will probably pronounce Newt's affair to be a "lapse for which he is deeply remorseful," and maybe add that "it's something Newt will have to make right with God, but that's between Newt and God." Something like that. It’s between Newt and God. Move along now, there’s nothing to see here!

Other observers will probably admire in breathless tones Newt's courage in making this forthright admission, in exposing himself to the slings and arrows of the liberal media. My, how brave you are!

Maybe Giuliani will announce that, although he was previously in favor of affairs, he is now opposed to them. My, how electable you are!