Tangled Up In Me

It is amazing that after everything I think I’ve learned, I’m still so f**king stupid. Who didn’t see this coming? I knew it would happen but chose to go against my better judgment. I gave into the “feelings” because someone said what I wanted to hear.

The Devil, at least to the best of my knowledge, was playing a tricky little game. He had his fiddle going and I couldn’t keep up. I said all the things I felt and know better than to let out of my mouth. Now, The Devil is away doing God knows who. This is the point in my dilemma where I should head straight for a cocktail. Let me explain:

The Devil is a DJ and for work he travels around for a few weeks at a time. Last Friday he informed me that he would be leaving the next day. I was surprised, considering the fact that he wasn’t planning on hanging out that night. I asked if I would be seeing him before he left. I wasn’t pleased when he replied via text that he would see if he could get home early enough for me to see him. His flight was early and bed was the only thing he planned on doing, so it was implied. Out of irritation (spite), I invited the Fireman I had met earlier in the week to come over and watch a movie. It was about 2:00a.m. when we were getting down to business and my phone began to buzz.

“r u up”

Two minutes later…

“hope so”

Two minutes later…

“i guess not”

Before even reading the messages I knew who it was. I told the Fireman that he had to go, not giving much of an explanation. I hustled him out the door pulled on a hoodie and all but ran the eleven blocks to The Devil’s house. When I got there we went straight to sleep. Suddenly it dawned on me that he had probably already had somebody in his bed before sending the texts. I was somewhere between confused and pissed. The messages he sent seemed so eager for me to come over, yet upon arrival it seemed as if there was little, if any, interest in my presence. The next morning, with a peck on the lips and a shove out the door, The Devil said he would see me in two weeks.

The first day he was gone I refused to contact him first. I thought this would be an effective way to see if there was more between us than just a condom. Nothing. The second day I received an email referring to some pictures on my webpage.

“Um, where did you get those pictures my boy?”

I wouldn’t have paid it much attention had he not tacked on, “my boy”. That threw me into a whirlwind of questions. Two more days followed with no sign of life from The Devil. I finally sent a text to see what was going on. He told me he lost his job and was on vacation until Monday. I haven’t heard from him since.

I know we’re not a couple but after what he said I thought there was something more to it. Clearly, I’m an idiot. What have I learned? I’ve learned that my love life is best left to my bitter and cynical side. When I think with my heart, or anything lower, I can’t see clearly.