Q&A

Don't know what to do next?

I have been with my wife for 18 years married for 14 years. We had our problem but usually work things out. Over the past year she has been very distanced and when i finally confronted her about it, she says has given up trying and that we have grown apart. She says she doesn't have a problem with the way things are but to me living with someone with no interaction is not health anyway you look at it. I have offered to sperate of a time, consuling neither of which she wants to do. I started going to a marriage consuler and really don't want to end up divorced but don't know what to do next.

Although staying together is always the most ideal situation, sometimes divorce is indeed the best for both parties. No matter what your final decision is, it's important to remember that there will be a light at the end of your divorce tunnel. There have been a lot of great stories on here about divorcees who have started over and found that their new lives were even more fulfilling than the ones they'd left behind. I hope you're able to work things out, but if you do end up getting a divorce, there are a lot of great people around here who can help you through the process.

As I was once in your wife's shoes, and learned the hard way about my mistakes. I beleive what happends is that after so many years you get into a "rut" and it's not that you don't love each other, it's just that it doesn't "feel" like it did when you were younger. PLEASE tell her to stick it out as love and family are worth it. Love is much more than a quick emotion it's a life long experience shown in small instances...like a smile, helping with children, sharing memories and just being dependable.....

I think that if you are willing to try that you need to make the case for having her try along with you.
Think back to what attracted you to each other in the beginning. Remember what you loved about her and remind her of those things. Find ways to connect in little ways to see if you can find the pilot light of your love still there ... if you're willing to try you can make her see how much you love her and, hopefully impress upon her the importance of putting this relationship back on track.

We have many fine experts you might want to look in on. In particular, there is a couple who we've profiled who are really very inspiring. You can find their interview in our Improving Relationships topic. Look for Drs. Judith Sherven and James Sniechowski

Take a look at the books as well for some ideas:
first30days.com/improving-relationships/resources/books

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