Posts Tagged ‘dom/sub’

It hit me like ton of bricks last night… or should I say this morning. It was 3 am and what I needed hit me like a ton of bricks.

I need to be baby girl.

I need to curl up in someone’s lap and have them pet my hair and stroke my cheek and call me baby girl.

I want to collapse against daddy’s chest and know that nothing can harm me. I want a moment when I’m baby girl with no responsibility but being daddy’s good girl.

Sigh.

Here’s the thing. Life isn’t bad at all right now. There’s just a lot of stuff to do. I’m starting my own business. I’m making big decisions. I’m making things happen. I’m doing a good job. I’m forging through. One step in front of the other and it’s not that hard. It’s just a lot.

I’m catching myself self sabotaging a little. And I know now what it is. I need a moment of no decision making. I want to be broken and in a mess and just give it all up. For a few moments.

Vanilla monogamy is tough. And I was told after finding my kink passion that it would be. That sooner or later I’d miss it. That I’d crave it. And I believed them. But what i didn’t want to admit was that I might NEED it.

Do I need it? Feels like it. I know I want it. And I know I’m craving it. I know how amazing it would be to let myself play that role with someone I love and trust as daddy. It’s weird to say “play the role” when I would really be it… A little girl in need of some protection and love and attention and security.

Feels like someone busted my lip. Please don’t even think about touching either earlobe. My neck feels like its been ripped apart with hands and teeth. Oh right… it was. When my thighs rub together as I walk I can feel the bite marks on both sides. My right quad is one big knot. And my ass… oh good lord.

I’m so exhausted today. It’s feels so good to bear these marks. When I have these pains and bruises I have a weird mix of wanting to show them off and terrified someone might notice one. How do you explain that one in a corporate environment. It’s not easy to list out all the physical and psychological reasons why I want this and enjoy this. I suppose saying “I’m a masochist” would suffice for most. At least it would make a few uncomfortable enough to stop prying. LOL.

And I just found another spot…. The back of my right arm. No teeth marks. Phew!! I told R I’d have to give him rules next time… nothing above the nipples. Ha. That’ll hold water.

Hands behind my back held there only by the knowledge that if I put them else where I’d be punished. I’d be a disappointment. I hold them there. I am led toward the other corner of the room. He leads from behind so he can watch me. I’m am giddy with excitement and stiff with fear. One foot in front of the other. Not knowing exactly where he wants me. I make sure to feel his guiding like a train track. Staying the course because he needs it that way. His need for obedience is perfectly matched with my need to please him. I’m desperate for his words of praise. It fills me. I smile.

We stop… under the door frame. He turns me around. leaving my back to him. He disappears. Where did he go? I know not to move. Delighted I know not to move. I know where he wants me without words. This makes us both happy. I make us both happy.

I hear him open something… I smile. I don’t know this sound and it makes me all the more excited. What is it? I’m still smiling. My back still to him. I hear him make a noise. It’s a combination of excitement and laughter… a short staccato sound coming from deep within him with so much meaning. He is as excited as I am. That sound… he knows what he is going to do. Knows I do not. And this spurs him on all the more. His movements become quicker, but still in control. Every move still 100% on purpose. Foot steps get closer to me.

“Turn. Hands.” I turn. I hold out my hands to him. The first time I dare move them since we started. With skilled hands he effortlessly binds them together. It’s perfect. I couldn’t escape if I tried, yet, it’s comforting. It stirs the nerve endings over my entire body. I can feel all he wants to do and all that is about to happen as if my skin can see the future. I try to guess what will be first. I can’t. But this makes it better. Every part of me is already jealous of the attention my wrists are getting.

He turns me again. His arms are around me. I’m lit on fire. My hands are pulled above my head. extended just before taught. More tying. But this time to the fixture above the doorframe that’s been unnoticed.

He moves my body… pulling me down as far as the rope will let me, spreading my legs as far apart as the door frame allows. I’m completely outstretched.

He runs his hands down both sides of my body… making involuntary approving sounds as he feels my skin get prickly from the goose pumps. He knows I’m scared. He feels my nerves. He knows I want this as badly as he does.

He takes his caress from me. He’s gone again. He loves knowing I’m at his mercy. I feel his excitement as he feels my fear. The emotions feeding each other… growing exponentially.

Where is he? The shower turns on. He’s left me there to squirm as much as possible with the movements he made sure i didn’t have. This has the intended effect. My excitement continues to build.

The shower turns off. Curtain pulled back. Towel rack sings. He’s moving slow. On purpose. Everything on purpose. He enters the room. He approaches me from behind. Stops just short of me. I can feel his warmth. Hear him breath. Smell the aroma of the shower still on him.

He touches my back. It isn’t skin.

Mmmm. Leather.

My breath catches with the knowledge. He leans in, knowing i know… whispers in my ear. touching his damp face to my shoulder. My breath catches again, but this time accompanied by a violent quiver down my body. He revels in my reaction. He’s pleased.