In this week’s edition of Saturday Night Shut-In your host, Mr. Moderator, gives his vocal cords a rest. Yes, it was one of those weeks that required countless teleconferences, the hounding of lagging vendors, and other fun stuff at the office. We’ll let the music do the talking. A playlist will be made available after you have a chance to listen without prejudice.

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In a rare, reflective moment, the white suits over at RockTownHall Labs were recently gazing bleary-eyed at the various records and cds contained in the climate-controlled vault when, in an even more rare moment of sudden group awareness, and without the aid of the RTH topic generator, it occurred to several of us that we own records we haven’t listened to in years, records we can’t seem to get rid of.

Was this (anal) retention the result of some childhood trauma? A clinging to nostalgia for our 17–23 musical coming-of-age demographic frollic in the rock ‘n’ roll sun, after which our musical tastes ossified along with the bones in our lower spine (males only)? A passive form of denial, or at least an unwillingness to deal with the clutter, physical and emotional, of our present and past, respectively? Are we really ever going to play that third Psychedelic Furs record ever again? The CCRBest of record? Hasn’t culture blunted our need to spin those songs ever again in our own homes? And what of all those ’90s bands that had a great song and so we bought 3–4 albums and some 7-inches by them hoping in vain that they’d replicate the success? RTH Labs now invites our readers to stand up, state your name, and join the conversation in a show of healing and in a concerted effort to move onward past the doldrums of self-inflicted record collection melancholy.

Maybe this has happened already in the history of rock, but if not, can Rock Town Hall collectively design the Zardoz of rock?

I know some of you find director John Boorman‘s 1974 sci-fi flick starring a ponytailed, Zappata-mustachioed Sean Connery running around in a silk diaper/mankini through a world full of identically built hippie handmaidens wearing loose-fitting halter tops “interesting,” but any time I see this film I’m stunned that a post-Bond Connery would appear in something this, uh, interesting. We’re talking the Ultimate James Bond here, so if we can’t find a major band or solo artist coming off their best-known series works to release a ridiculous, futuristic concept album, let’s create such a scenario.

I’m not the world’s greatest fan of The Who‘s Tommy, which can be seen as a pretty ridiculous concept, but there’s some great rock ‘n roll on that record. The post-Saturday Night FeverBee Gees‘ doing the Sgt. Pepper‘s movie may come close to what I’m looking for, but that debacle was centered around the movie—and even at their commercial peak most of us wouldn’t have expected much more artistically out of the brothers Gibb. Nothing ever released by Styx qualifies. That band blows. I need a post-Bond—level Titan of Rock running around in a musical mankini.

I have no idea what this chick is on about, but I reckon you guys can help me. To make the job of translation easier, I’m only looking for 20 seconds’ worth of interpretation from each of you. Please keep in mind that there’s a lot more than just a foreign language to translate here; I’m convinced that each frame of video has some vital “Paul-is-dead” message to impart. Can you tell me what that message is?

One key point from Noel Murray’s rebuttal: Reynolds may regard Jack White as some sort of analog purist poseur, but the majority of earthlings who rock out to “Seven Nation Army” don’t consider it a throwback. It’s considered a key rock song of the ’00s. No one hears that song and thinks back to 1971, except maybe some sticks in the mud who may comment on a rock blog;)

To my ears, putting aside the issue of the nonexistent bass, White Stripes couldn’t have been a more fan-friendly throwback unless he’d been backed by the Delaware Destroyers. Does Oats and the “majority of earthlings” who constitute His Generation actually hear the music of White Stripes as “visionary?” Where do you fall on the issue of Jack White: Throwback or Visionary?

I look forward to your comments—and members of the Bad Attitude Club can check their bad attitude at the door!