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Sunday, January 21, 2007

The mind is a funny thing

I've had a strong desire to write lately and have a "script" for my story laid out in my head. However, whenever I get the sudden creative urge to write, I find that things don't want to translate from my head to the computer screen. This always happens to me when the creative side of me emerges. Whenever I want to do something creative, it just doesn't come out. Doesn't translate like it's supposed to. Strangely, I find that when I write because I feel like I have to, things come out great. I've already posted Chapter 1 on this blog, yet I can't get myself to write chapter 2. I just tried to get it started, and it's just not coming out how it should. What causes this? How can something be clear in the mind, but not come out clear on the paper. How frustrating!

I don't think that I'm meant to be a writer. One of the reasons is that I'm such a huge critic of myself. I think that if I focused on just doing research and writing "academic-type" work, I could be successful. But when it comes to fiction, I find too many things wrong with my plot all the time. I really admire people who can write fiction well. It really does take a certain kind of person. I'd like to go back to writing poetry, but I'm scared to. I've written hundreds if not a thousand poems, and I think that some of them were quite good, but I haven't written poetry in probably five years now. I know that that's something I used to do well, and I don't want to look at the paper now and say "I've lost it."

I have plenty of research ideas in my mind that are all psychology related, so maybe I'll just stick with that. I actually enjoy doing research. Hated it in the undergrad, but now that I'm in grad school (almost done, geesh!) I have a new respect for it. Having my research presented at a conference just opened up a whole new can of worms. I'm thinking I'm also liking research more now because I know what I want to do in life finally....to an extent. Now I can focus my concentration. Who knows. I don't know why I feel like I have to accomplish something in the form of writing. My best guess would be that I equate writing and reading and creativity in general with a high form of respect. Orson Scott Card, Neil Gaiman, Lisa Snellings-Clark, Megan, and all of my other favorite creative types....my hats off to you.

2 comments:

The creative stuff may come yet. Don't give up. I'm still hoping to get back into poetry myself, but haven't seemed to be able to without a class to give me reasons to write--and due dates. But I've been having trouble with academic writing, too, and it's getting better. SO don't despair; these things come in waves! :) I know what you mean about the writing/reading thing. It's part of my interest in literacy & whatnot. So here I am, with this idea that writing & reading develop the mind to an extra degree, and I've had to admit to myself that I really no longer had any interest in doing either. Grad school is a terrible thing--don't let anyone tell you otherwise! ;) But I'm recovering and may lick this (and get a real job) yet!