But, it gets worse. Professor Kaku says that there is this bizarre theory (if it’s so bizarre, why is he telling us about it?…the truth is out there…) that the LHC will produce strangelets. These are not the same as people who attend your church, although there may be some resemblance. Strangelets are weird hunks of matter that are, well, strange. And, if you touch it, you become a strangelet yourself. Which is just what some people will do. I can hear it now — “Really? This little thing? I’ll just touch it once.” (See what I mean.) Anyway, this sounds a lot like the apple in the Garden of Eden thing all over again. We didn’t do so well on that test the first time around, who’s to say we’ll do any better this time.

So, the next time you’re looking for some rollicking entertainment for your next Halloween party, call a physicist. After all, they like to scare the pants off people.