In the coverage I’ve read about the tens of thousands of Central American children fleeing their treacherous narco-state homelands to get to the U.S., one thing hasn’t been made clear: Why aren’t the kids being deported right away? The only definitive answer is coming from the right wing talk radio echo chamber, where President Antichrist H. Beelzebub is encouraging them to come in order to create more Democratic voters and continue his willful and wanton destruction of America as we know it.

The real reason isn’t nearly as exciting. The kids can’t be turned back at the border because it’s against the law to do that. In 2008, one of the last laws President George W. Bush signed was an anti-human trafficking measure that says minors who come here illegally from any nation other than Mexico or Canada are entitled to a hearing in front of a judge. They can’t be sent back until that happens, and then only if the judge denies them refugee status. The bill wasn’t controversial when it passed.

While they’re waiting for their hearings, they are to be sent to live with family members or family friends throughout the country, whether in Maine or Montana. That’s why we’re busing them all over the place. It’s the law.

The Central American children are not “sneaking” over the U.S. border. They are handing themselves over to our border guards because they know our law — we’re the ones who don’t. Their parents and loved ones have sent them here in hopes that they might have a decent future instead of being forced into the drug gangs.

Why have nations like Guatemala, El Salvador and Honduras devolved into anarchy, ruled by the terror of competing drug cartels? It’s because after 40 years the disastrous “War on Drugs,” the market for illicit drugs in the U.S. has only grown. It is vast and insatiable. Supplying the U.S. market is risky business, but it’s a risk many are willing to take because the payoff is potentially great — for the top dogs.

U.S. laws defining illegal immigration and refugee status make no sense. They are still skewed according to Cold War philosophy. Hundreds of thousands of Cubans who have made it to Florida have been accepted here willingly and have become citizens. We reward them as heroes of the twilight struggle against godless communism. Then these newly minted God-fearing Cuban Americans can go to big box stores in south Florida and buy toasters, lawnmowers and coffee makers made by godless communists in China.

Haitians, though, do not get refugee status because they are only escaping starvation, not godless communism. Back they go. We let a few stay to drive cabs in Washington, D.C.

Page 2 of 2 - Oh, and Dominicans? They can come to the U.S. if they get an “A” at one of the many “beisbol” academies run by 28 of 30 Major League Baseball teams. “A swing and a hit to center. It’s back, back, back and into the upper deck — It’s a Green Card!”

Will any of these wacky non-policies change? Are you kidding me? That would make too much sense.

Naming plans

I have been informed by a high government source, or maybe he’s a government source who was high, that officials are thinking about renaming a plot of fertile ground in honor of retired Harlem Township Supervisor Doug Aurand, who is also retired from his decades-long job as Winnebago County treasurer. Aurand, a vociferous chairman of Democratic Party hyperbole for years, escaped to Florida a few years back to luxuriate in the indoor air conditioning set at 60 degrees.

Anyway, the plan, although controversial, is to rename “Rover Run,” the fenced dog park in Schoonmaker Park.