Posts for July, 2011

This afternoon, Michelle and I were sitting around like little old Greek ladies, sipping Ouzo and roasting a lamb in our toaster oven and complaining about the neighbor’s brash new donkey and bragging about who had skinny-dipped the most in the Aegean Sea with that village boy up the lane who pretty much is the spitting image of Apollo (the Greek God of Sexy Hotness) and moaning about how much we miss our beloved supper club Table For Twelve.

And while we’re planning to revive Table For Twelve next month with a yet-to-be-announced supper, it occurred to us that we might not be the only ones who’d like to eat lamb and drink Ouzo and skinny dip with Apollo. Serendipitously, it just so happens that Olympic Provisions Southeast is hosting a fantastically delicious lamb dinner THIS SUNDAY, complete with lots of lamb that has not been roasted in a toaster oven, salami of the Gods, and complimentary Ouzo for all our guests. Because like any good Greek, we hate to get blotto alone. Opa! There will also be a kiddy pool provided for skinny dipping but you’re going to have to woo Apollo on your own. We’ll be too busy gossiping about your donkey. Read full story »

I’ve known for a while that I have magic powers. I figured it out not long after I read the first Harry Potter. We had so much in common. I wore glasses. I had a weird scar on my forehead. I was kind of whiny. My mom made me sleep under the stairs. (Just kidding, I was in college at the time so if I slept under the stairs, it was because my room was sooooo far away and the jungle juice had made my legs sooooo heavy). My powers weren’t as pronounced as Harry’s, but they were definitely special.

If I walked into a room, not five minutes later all the chocolate had vanished into thin air, racing via Portkey to my stomach. At a party, I could instantly divine who the champagne hogs were as though I had my very own internal Champagne Marauder’s Map, and when it was time to wash the dishes after supper club, it was like I was wearing an Invisibility Cloak. But most importantly, now that I’ve just recently moved back to the Alphabet District, new eateries have begun sprouting up around my apartment as quickly and lushly as Hagrid’s beard. Coincidence? Probably not. Here’s a quick rundown of four new Northwest Portland dining destinations that you and your wand should explore. Read full story »

There are many unanswered mysteries in this life. Like…where do all my spatulas disappear to? There were three in the drawer yesterday. Why does my new neighbor keep sneaking through my kitchen window and stealing all my Freddy Guys hazelnuts? (Sure, he’s a blue jay but that’s no excuse.) And how on earth does one roast a footlong Olympic Provisions frankfurter on a stick without ending up with a morosely-drooped U-shaped weenie?

This morning, the guidebook and I got to be on TV. KOIN 6′s Studio 6 was kind enough to have us on as guests, and it was so much fun talking with hosts Jake and Jenny. Our segment was just after the Pet of the Week, which was Uhura, the pink tutu-wearing pit bull. She didn’t seem nervous at all, she had a grand time rolling around on the studio floor and eating treats. I, however, was nervous, and was sitting in the parking garage before the show trying to compose myself when my mom called to tell me “good luck and don’t show too much cleavage.” Gee, thanks, Mom.

Here’s the interview. I can’t watch it because I don’t like seeing myself on camera, but I’m posting it so my mom can rest assured that I didn’t look like a hoochie mama on TV. I’m going to go watch Uhura’s clip.

We’ve all heard the fable of the Phoenix–the Bird of Paradise is incinerated by a careless angel and reborn as something grander, glossier, and even more full of pastries than before. Or something like that. And so goes the story of new Saint Cupcake Galore–the downtown reincarnation of Portland’s beloved Saint Cupcake, which has moved to grander, glossier digs even more full of pastries than before.

Once upon a time, a girl who loves candy so much she once accidentally ate 50 whole boxes of Reese’s Pieces that she was supposed to be selling for 50 cents apiece to raise money for the 4th grade band trip and had to forfeit her allowance for 50 weeks as a result, was walking along SE Hawthorne Boulevard when she saw this sign:

Everyone knows the best part of publishing a book is the satisfaction and pride that comes from realizing your dream. I mean, the launch party. Please join me at Olympic Provisions Northwest for the official Facestuffer Fiesta on Sunday, July 17th from 6 to 8pm. There will be world-famous charcuterie. There will be bubbly (while supplies last, and just warning you–I’m a very thirsty person). There will be SUN. (I ordered some anyhow, let’s see how that goes.) I hope you can join me! Please RSVP here>>