One Invisible Femme Trying to Navigate the International Scene

Whatchoo Talkin’ Bout?

I’m a chatty girl, even in my sleep. I hate that I talk in my sleep. It has to be my least favourite thing about me (the rest of me is pretty awesome)! But as a woman who has been called a control freak from time to time I hate that am in a position that leaves me so vulnerable, especially around new people.

I don’t talk every night… just when I there is something on my mind. Usually something that I’m trying to work through. I’ve been known to beg, crying, to be let out of a cage repeatedly for weeks, I’ve had complete conversations and arguments with people, woken up kicking and screaming and even been known to utter those three little words on more than one occasion.

This is shit. It’s complete shit because I have absolutely no control over what I’m saying. There is every possibility if I’m sharing a bed with someone that I’ll hurt their feelings or give them a false sense of hope. I could give them insight I’m ready for them to have. Or worst of all I could say something that I’m not ready for or don’t mean and that just creates a whole bag of awkward. So. Much. Awkward.

Most of the girls I date are pre-warned that I don’t want to know if I talk to them. It’s the ultimate vulnerable state and I’m so self conscious about it. If I know I’ve been talking in my sleep I barely sleep at all. I’m a nervous wreck, it’s enough to make me stop sleeping with someone until I know I’ve sorted my issues. I’m not sure I’m ready to be that vulnerable, ever.