So depressed

This is going to be my third child and I feel like I am swimming through this hopeless cloud. Clearly I am already a failure at everything and I should just evaporate from the life I created and let someone 'better' fill my shoes.

I am not going to off myself. But it is really hard to deal with my dysregulated thinking this pregnancy and I don't know why this has been such a hard experience.

I'm really tired of hating myself.

I'm at the point where I'm praying to give birth because my previous postpartum experiences were so intensely euphoric for me...

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I am kind of weird. My advice probably won't work for you. You are the right kind of you. I'm the right kind of me.

Comments (17)

Hugs to you, momma. Pregnancy can be such a difficult time. No doubts that you are loved and you are needed. Wishing you well and I hope the birth of your LO (little one) will lift the fog for you again.

*hugs*
I know how exhausting it can be dealing with depression. Fortunately I’ve never been really bad, it just makes my anxiety worse and causes physical symptoms (such as TMJ from grinding teeth).

I was having a hard time before I started medication roughly 15 years ago. I stayed with my sister for 6 months in a different state (Alaska lacks sunlight in winter which results in Vit. D deficiency and thus not enough serotonin, resulting in Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD syndrome for short).

One of the most valuable things I learned was about self esteem. If you look good, it helps you to feel good about yourself.
I personally rarely wear make-up or do fancy hair, but if you’re having a bad day, maybe hilight a feature you really like, be it wear a flattering outfit or wear make-up. Even if you don’t leave the house that day, every time you pass a mirror, you can see yourself and it will feel good.

Everyone has different ways to cope, so no idea if this would help for you, but maybe it’ll give you some ideas how to combat your depression.

I appreciate you taking the time to share that with me. "Looking good" is a really complicated thing for me. Like so many others the sexual abuse started real young and just kept going for a long time. Doing anything to "invite" commentary is so scary.

It's kind of funny that I've never even gotten to unpacking this piece of "this is why I'm so forking frumpy" in 33+ years of therapy.

I hide by not looking good.

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I am kind of weird. My advice probably won't work for you. You are the right kind of you. I'm the right kind of me.

I appreciate you taking the time to share that with me. "Looking good" is a r...

Posted
11/11/2017

I appreciate you taking the time to share that with me. "Looking good" is a really complicated thing for me. Like so many others the sexual abuse started real young and just kept going for a long time. Doing anything to "invite" commentary is so scary.

It's kind of funny that I've never even gotten to unpacking this piece of "this is why I'm so forking frumpy" in 33+ years of therapy.

I hide by not looking good.

That’s understandable.
What about making things? Crafts, baking, music, etc.

Hugs and prayers OP! You seem to be doing everything you can to get through the next few weeks (treatment and meds.) I too was abused over a long period of time in early adolescence and used baggy clothes and dressing down to “hide” until my mid 30s. Something that has helped me when I get overwhelmed this pregnancy is taking a break for myself when my DH (dear husband) gets home in the afternoon. I’m not a big exercise person, but a 20 walk in my neighborhood helps me clear my head to get through the evening hours. I have also gone to get a coffee at McDonalds some afternoons. I’m not usually even gone an hour but it helps for me to not feel responsible for anything for a bit and just take break.

Hugs and love. I️ have major depressive disorder and GAD. I️ stopped my medicine when I️ found out I️ was pregnant. I️ understand how you feel. I️ think with all these hormones, it has made it worse than before especially. The passed few days have been especially hard for some reason. I’m just so sad and feeling overwhelmed. I️ can not wait until I feel “normal” again. Hang in there. This is only temporary and hopefully once not pregnant, you can stabilize yourself better. It’s hard to regulate with an influx of so many hormones. Props to you for getting treatment though. Sending positivity.

I was kind of worried about posting. I really appreciate the words y'all are sharing with me. It isn't that I'm glad that other people understand (I wish you didn't) but it's hard sometimes to feel alone on a journey.

I'm exercising pretty well (I'm walking 2-4 miles a day) and I'm keeping up with healthy eating because my husband is super wonderful about cooking for me and he watches what I eat. Lots of veggies and protein.

It doesn't help that I have a couple of other health issues that result in a lot of chronic pain and I just don't want to move or breathe. Living hurts so much. I want a new body and a new brain.

I know it will get better. It's just all flaring up really badly and it feels so hard.

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I am kind of weird. My advice probably won't work for you. You are the right kind of you. I'm the right kind of me.

It’s hard to talk about personal issues like depression, and even harder when you feel alone.

I understand about health issues affecting you.
I’m not going to carry on about any health recommendations but you might look into a Maximized Living Chiropractor. Maybe they can help. (It’s the maximized living aspect, not the chiropractor aspect that I mean). Probably not till after pregnancy though.

Anyway... getting a little time for yourself is important and a good idea. Alone time is extremely important for me with anxiety. That not-responsible feeling really helps me with the anxiety.

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