Have Some Hawaiian Vacation Photos To Obscure All This Begging.

What with my Hawaiian cruise absence and all, the blog’s been a little “Please give these things money” more than I’d like. I usually try to leaven the donation calls with my usual entertainment, but Hawaii? Is far away.

Seriously. Nobody told me the islands were a six-hour time difference from my usual East Coast home zone, and so I’m jetlagged and punchy. I’ve got at least two entries pending, one a rant on the sending of dick pics, but I know I’m sufficiently loopy that while I could write something, it wouldn’t be nearly as entertaining as when I’m back up to full speed. So rather than, er, blowing a good topic when I’m sleepy, I’m holding until I can unleash the full Ferrett upon y’all.

So as a consolation prize, have some Hawaiian pictures.

My wife, on our nature hike, sniffing a flower. I’d like to say these beautiful eyes are why I fell in love with her, but really it was her words. Still, these eyes don’t hurt.

While I was in Hawaii, I found the most awesome hat store with a really knowledgeable owner (he reblocked my Ecuadorian hat!), and so of course I bought a hat. The truth is, I actually look wretched in most hats; I’m just dedicated enough to try on thirty or forty of ’em until I find one like this.

Leis are surprisingly weighty; there’s a satisfying heft in real florals that you don’t get in the fake plastic leis they sell everywhere. It comes as no surprise to anyone, however, that I wore a lei every day I could. I’m told you’re not supposed to buy them for yourself, as they’re intended to be gifts; this is a shame. I’d look like one selfish fuck in Hawaii if I lived there, as I’d have to wear ’em all the time, along with my hats and pretty pretty princess nails.

We did not stop at this floating bar, but dammit I wanted to.

Yes, I bought an Elvis shirt. Two of them, actually.

This was the view from our cruise ship balcony. Not shown: the dolphins playing along the ship at the bottom. Seriously.

Hawaii actually looks like this. It’s so beautiful I kept thinking, “This must be some crazy illusion,” and then I’d make my Disbelieve roll and it would shimmer and fade to reveal, oh, I don’t know, Pittsburgh.