Pages

7.7.16

Feeling Hopeless in the Village.

Anyone that truly knows me, knows about my
son, Bam. Bam is 12 years old. In person, he definitely doesn't look his age.
He's very active and carefree. He's a good kid. Good manners, courteous,
helpful, with a great heart & pure intentions, smart and handsome. He likes
Starbucks, jumping off of things, rides his bike, skateboards and does tricks
on his hoverboard. He plays soccer, football and runs track. It's a pleasure
being his mom. Bam is my only son.

We live on the Upper
West Side and here’s the day-to-day “mini world” we live in: I don't let Bam go home from school alone yet,
because he goes to a good school that's in a bad neighborhood. I still have to
know his friends before he goes with them, he still doesn't talk to strangers
and when he goes out to play, he has a time limit, most likely within my sight
and again with friends I know. He doesn't spend the night at anyone's house
unless it's family or very close family friends and I'm probably staying
too. On alternate weekends, if he takes too long to call me after he
goes with his father, I'm calling them both up until I reach him. And I always
worry until he comes home.

Needless to say, I've been called overbearing
and in some cases, admittedly so, but what else am I to do? All of this time I've
been trying to protect him from bullets, gangs, bullies, strangers and
molesters and other predators, but now I have to protect him from the police?
Predatory police officers are like wolves in sheep’s clothing. In that case,
that means I'll never be able to protect him.

Let me get this straight: I've moved into a
better neighborhood and it still won't be enough. I make sure that he has
golden opportunities to shine and be a better version of himself every day and
it's not enough. You mean all I can do is pray? You mean all I can do is teach
him to be a good person, help him live a good life and give him tools to be
successful and just hope that the predatory police officers don’t pluck his
life from this earth?

Right now, I'm all over the place in my mind
because I'm all about being positive and helping my son maintain the belief
that life is good and if you work really hard and stay awesome, you'll have a
great life. But the reality is, not everyone lives that way. There are people
that want your LIFE, that hate you, not because they know you and
genuinely don't like you, but people that see Bam, this bright-eyed innocent boy
with the sparkling personality, somehow his skin color really scares them.

I've always been street smart, able to access
a situation based on the energy in the room, perceptive enough to have us
quickly exit if I sense danger and able to fight for him if I ever needed to.
I've taught my son to be that way too. I pride myself on being a good mom. I
still believe that it takes a village. I've raised my son in this Upper West
Side village bubble, with great people, low crime with great opportunities and
while the mini world I'm protecting him within, there are still predators that
want to take his life. And now I have to school him on the predatory
police officers that may lurk inside of our village.

I need for my UWS Village to understand that
this world needs more than good moms. This world is screwed up and in 6
years when Bam is 18, I'll probably be just as overbearing. He'll have to call
me constantly when he's away in college, I'll probably move to his town when my
first grandchild is born and I'll probably give my daughter-in- law a hard
time. In these times, that's if he makes
it to that part of his life. And when he has that life, his life still
won't matter to someone that doesn't value his.

But my while my heart breaks when I think
about the things that I’ve protected him from daily can still take him out, looking
or not, there are the predatory police officers that can take him from me, from
you, from this world. Those predators that have sworn to and supposed to help
me protect him.

Don't get me wrong, all police officers are
not all predators, I have friends and family that are police officers. People I
trust him with and love him like I do. There are our neighborhood patrolmen and
patrolwomen that we see everyday in our village that as long as I see them, he
could go a little more out of my sight. So I can't send him the double message
that the people wearing blue with badges on their chests are the Boogyman that
I'm supposed to protect him from. I work really hard to give him a good life
and a care-free existence. The reality is that I can't protect him and neither
can my village. What can we really do?

First, I need for my village to hold it
together and maintain our strength and resolve to keep each other and our kids
safe. I need us to stay strong. I need for no awkward small talk conversations
to pop-up on the playground and on the track, football & soccer fields
about, "Did you hear about (insert black victim's name here)?" Or
blurt out, "But All lives matter, Right?” or have awkward silences and
pretending that the ills of the world regarding the predators in blue can't
reach our village bubble and the insanity of the "outside world"
doesn't exist for us. I need for us to be conscious and not in denial. I need for
us to be more proactive in prevention of injustice instead of waiting for
something to happen to one of us to stir the community to action. I need us to really talk about it. Problems, outrage and solutions. I need for us
to be a force in holding the Powers That
Be accountable.

Next, I need all of the police
officers to hold each other accountable. Stop this wall of silence and
solidarity. Stand up for what's right and denounce what's wrong. It starts one
police officer at a time.

I need for the veteran officers that are
training the new officers to bring out the best in their novices. Help them discover
and empower their heartfelt need to help the communities that they've sworn to
protect, instead of instilling fear and perpetuate the myths of negativity
associated with dealing with black people. I need for them to remember that we
are not the enemy. I need for our neighborhood patrolmen and
patrolwomen to reach out into the community and reassure us that they're going
to continue to uphold their sworn, "Protect and serve" and will make
sure that that is the message that our kids and parents will
pass on through the villages of the rest of the world.

And I need for the police not to be the enemy.
I need that for me. I need that for our village. I need that for my Bam. Our
villages have enough to worry about.