I believe that all ideas and values are meant to be evaluated

How do we decide when to help someone and how much help do we offer? Some have told me that I am heartless, arrogant, ignorant and insensitive to the pain and suffering around me. Others have told me that I am not harsh enough in my observations. That is I should not hold anything back in judging people if I ever hope to expose people’s vileness, corruption and “true” nature. And then others ask me why I even care what others do? And why should they care about my opinion of them.

Most people think that I think too much. I do think that I think too much, because at times I am distracted from my work, studies and spending time with friends and family. However, I feel like for what I wish to accomplish that I am hardly thinking enough. I wish to understand the reasoning behind the way people live their lives. So that I can understand the reason for why I live mine. I believe that there is no such thing as being too fair and too reasonable, and that requires a life long dedication to questioning my beliefs, and listening carefully to the advice that others have to offer.

I don’t confront others because I want to win an argument and be right. I argue because I want to learn and I want the person I am arguing with to gain from the experience. Nonetheless, it is always embarrassing and painful to have to admit to being wrong. However, I am not always given the same courtesy. I am often pitted against someone who is more interested in proving me wrong, than to actually listen and understand what I am trying to say. I often watch in frustration and disbelief, as the most intelligent people I know become the most unreasonable. Whether they do it literally or figuratively they stick their fingers in their ears ending the discussion and also the possibility an understanding may be reached.

It is true that I sound sure of myself and can appear to be stubborn. But that is not because I believe I have all the answers and that my perspective is the right one. I speak frankly and confidently because I have spent years watching and listening to others, and I know that my beliefs have integrity because it is based upon a strong foundation of many perspectives and I continue to be receptive to new ones. And when I do criticize others I do not mean they are stupid. On the contrary I do it only because I believe that they are intelligent people who are at the moment making a mistake and that they have the power to learn from their mistakes and improve their lives. I do not believe that there is anything static or untouchable about someone’s culture, faith and personality. I believe that all ideas and values are meant to be evaluated so that we can decide what is truly good for us.

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This week’s essay

Growing up in the former Yugoslavia, lawyer Djenita Pasic enjoyed the peace of her religiously diverse country. But after the fall of communism and the outbreak of the Bosnian War, Pasic was forced to reevaluate her ideas about religion and tolerance. Click here to read her essay.