Giggs was edged out by a story involving another footballer, headlined Ashley Cole's secret love in Big Bro. This was a classic example of recent Richard Desmond journalism, because it included a reference to his TV outlet, Channel 5.

(Memo to editor Dawn Neesom: why was C5 mention delayed until paragraph two? Must do better)

The story also contained this wonderful contradiction:

Paragraph two: "Former lap-dancer Sarah Purnell hopes to tell all about her romps with England ace Ashley Cole on new Channel 5 show Big Brother."

Paragraph seven: "Birmingham babe Sarah said: 'I want to recover my reputation. I want people to see me for who I am and not just the girl who dated Ashley.'"