I think it’s safe to say that I’m a liberal, especially by Oklahoma standards. (But don’t worry, I intend to keep the political posts to a minimum over here on Dammit Suzanne). I believe people can marry whomever they want – slippery slope be damned, I believe a woman’s body is her own and therefore she can make whatever decisions she wants with it, and I believe in equal rights for all people, period. The universe has quite the sense of humor, however, and I was somehow born into the same surname as the most conservative State Representative Oklahoma has ever seen. And that’s saying something. The crazy part is, my last name isn’t abnormal, but it’s certainly not that common.

My father’s father disappeared on his family when he was a child, and I’m not 100% sure what ever really happened to him, except that one Christmas we got a call during dinner and my Dad came back to the table and announced that his father was dead. My mother never met him, and I’m not even sure he knew that my father went on to have kids of his own. My father was one of two boys and two girls. Therefore there’s really only one other family in the state that we are directly related to, so I assume if this lady had ever been at any family reunions we would know. Anyway, she literally says things that make me ask the questions, is it opposite day? Am I on camera? Is this real life? (Fun fact: we elect her). And yet, no matter how outspoken I am about my personal beliefs and no matter how many liberal organizations I belong to, I am still repeatedly asked if she is an aunt or cousin or God forbid, my mother. This representative is constantly coming up with some new harebrained bill to pass that limits the rights of homosexuals, yet Oklahoma ranks well below the national average when it comes to school spending and academic achievement. Don’t we have better things to worry about than keeping gay couples from getting hitched and having fabulous parties? One of her more recent bills she’s pushing would allow a restaurant to refuse service to a gay individual, otherwise known as the “Business Protection Act”. Another allows parents to “seek a cure” for their gay child. Is it 2015, or did I just wake up in 1955? And how does a restaurant determine if the individual is gay? Is it his skinny jeans and mesh top? Or her short hair and flannel shirt? Or is it just a hunch that people can use to discriminate against an entire faction of the human race? Sounds a little familiar, doesn’t it?

Fortunately, after the astounding amount of backlash she received, Representative Homophobe pulled the Business Protection Act, but remains fully supportive of the other two, which are no less discriminatory. And we get to share a last name. Ah, the irony. I guess the upside is, she’s been covered so much in the news it’s literally impossible to google me and find the really awkward video I did a few years ago for a date auction. Silver linings people.