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Ostensibly, marriage is a sacrament wherein two people vow to love each other until they death do them part. Across the world, every culture has a different way of celebrating a marriage, but what remains the same is the sanctity of the institution. Marriage is designed to be a lifetime commitment. Unfortunately, this promise of […]

Ostensibly, marriage is a sacrament wherein two people vow to love each other until they death do them part. Across the world, every culture has a different way of celebrating a marriage, but what remains the same is the sanctity of the institution.

Marriage is designed to be a lifetime commitment. Unfortunately, this promise of forever is often cut short by divorce, a commonly-exercised legal option in the United States and most other countries. Divorce nullifies the vows that the couple made. Today, the rate of divorce is increasing quickly, making more and more people question the relevance of marriage as an institution.

Divorce vs. marriage

With increasing numbers of people opting for divorce, is it old-fashioned to still believe in marriage? I don’t think so. Cynics may assert that marriage is nothing but a state-backed contract between two people, but it is far from that.

The advent of divorce has made marriage less important, less sacred in the eyes of many people. This is why they think the concept of marriage is old-fashioned, and the promise made to stay together just an unrealistically optimistic fairytale. I believe that the increasing number of marriages ending up in divorce reflect many things.

The increasing divorce rate is evidence that couples are giving up easily

Many couples now see divorce as the easy way out of an unhappy marriage. It could be that the busyness and “grinding down” effect of modern lifestyles rob married couples of the energy they need to deal with marital problems. Couples resort to ending their relationship instead of directing all their energies doing to save it.

I believe that couples who decide to get married need to be mature enough to understand that they are making a lifetime commitment. You need to weather the storms. During times of conflict, sticking to your promise can be challenging. It is easy to forget about the good times and only remember the conflicts in your marriage.

But whatever your reasons and justifications, you should work on your marriage. A marriage that both partners work at will be like a fine wine–it will only get better with age. The trials you experience in your marriage will will only make your marriage stronger once you overcome them.

Many couples have the wrong idea of what marriage is all about

People read about fairy tales that end with happily-ever-afters. They think that once they get married, their happily ever after will begin. Little do they know that for any marriage to succeed, it requires work. There will be situations that require compromise and sacrifice.

Every marriage with longevity experiences tough times. But it is important for couples to understand that marriage doesn’t succeed just because it exists. Marriage is a relationship. Like any relationship, it has its ups and downs. Getting married isn’t a way of solving existing problems. The problems will still be there, but once married, they will be easier to solve because you have a partner who loves you and who will work with you. You have someone who will help you and support you along the path to a solution.

Divorce is degradation

Some may argue that divorce can represent progress and healthy evolution. After all, nobody likes the idea of being stuck in an unhappy marriage. But even for goal-focused, forward-thinking individual, divorce shouldn’t be the go-to quick fix solution. You shouldn’t give up on your husband or wife easily. You can go to counseling, you can make time to work on your problems. Divorce should mean that you have exhausted all possible other options. Why? Because you vowed to love your partner forever. You need to do your best to fulfill the promise you’ve made, and make our marriage succeed.

Is marriage really old-fashioned? Doesn’t divorce just mean you’re being honest about the situation?

The truth is, it’s the other way around. Divorce usually means you’re lying to yourself. It may get you out of an unhappy marriage, but it doesn’t address the root of your unhappiness. You’re more than likely to get married again, suffering from the same defects that were responsible for your first marriage failing. Your next marriage is even more likelt to be an unhappy one.

On the other hand, working hard to build a successful marriage is synonymous with progress. A happy marriage is the foundation of a strong family, and strong, happy families are the backbones of strong, happy communities and countries. And that, for you and for everyone else, is real progress.

Ostensibly, marriage is a sacrament wherein two people vow to love each other until they death do them part. Across the world, every culture has a different way of celebrating a marriage, but what remains the same is the sanctity of the institution. Marriage is designed to be a lifetime commitment. Unfortunately, this promise of […]

Ostensibly, marriage is a sacrament wherein two people vow to love each other until they death do them part. Across the world, every culture has a different way of celebrating a marriage, but what remains the same is the sanctity of the institution.

Marriage is designed to be a lifetime commitment. Unfortunately, this promise of forever is often cut short by divorce, a commonly-exercised legal option in the United States and most other countries. Divorce nullifies the vows that the couple made. Today, the rate of divorce is increasing quickly, making more and more people question the relevance of marriage as an institution.

Divorce vs. marriage

With increasing numbers of people opting for divorce, is it old-fashioned to still believe in marriage? I don’t think so. Cynics may assert that marriage is nothing but a state-backed contract between two people, but it is far from that.

The advent of divorce has made marriage less important, less sacred in the eyes of many people. This is why they think the concept of marriage is old-fashioned, and the promise made to stay together just an unrealistically optimistic fairytale. I believe that the increasing number of marriages ending up in divorce reflect many things.

The increasing divorce rate is evidence that couples are giving up easily

Many couples now see divorce as the easy way out of an unhappy marriage. It could be that the busyness and “grinding down” effect of modern lifestyles rob married couples of the energy they need to deal with marital problems. Couples resort to ending their relationship instead of directing all their energies doing to save it.

I believe that couples who decide to get married need to be mature enough to understand that they are making a lifetime commitment. You need to weather the storms. During times of conflict, sticking to your promise can be challenging. It is easy to forget about the good times and only remember the conflicts in your marriage.

But whatever your reasons and justifications, you should work on your marriage. A marriage that both partners work at will be like a fine wine–it will only get better with age. The trials you experience in your marriage will will only make your marriage stronger once you overcome them.

Many couples have the wrong idea of what marriage is all about

People read about fairy tales that end with happily-ever-afters. They think that once they get married, their happily ever after will begin. Little do they know that for any marriage to succeed, it requires work. There will be situations that require compromise and sacrifice.

Every marriage with longevity experiences tough times. But it is important for couples to understand that marriage doesn’t succeed just because it exists. Marriage is a relationship. Like any relationship, it has its ups and downs. Getting married isn’t a way of solving existing problems. The problems will still be there, but once married, they will be easier to solve because you have a partner who loves you and who will work with you. You have someone who will help you and support you along the path to a solution.

Divorce is degradation

Some may argue that divorce can represent progress and healthy evolution. After all, nobody likes the idea of being stuck in an unhappy marriage. But even for goal-focused, forward-thinking individual, divorce shouldn’t be the go-to quick fix solution. You shouldn’t give up on your husband or wife easily. You can go to counseling, you can make time to work on your problems. Divorce should mean that you have exhausted all possible other options. Why? Because you vowed to love your partner forever. You need to do your best to fulfill the promise you’ve made, and make our marriage succeed.

Is marriage really old-fashioned? Doesn’t divorce just mean you’re being honest about the situation?

The truth is, it’s the other way around. Divorce usually means you’re lying to yourself. It may get you out of an unhappy marriage, but it doesn’t address the root of your unhappiness. You’re more than likely to get married again, suffering from the same defects that were responsible for your first marriage failing. Your next marriage is even more likelt to be an unhappy one.

On the other hand, working hard to build a successful marriage is synonymous with progress. A happy marriage is the foundation of a strong family, and strong, happy families are the backbones of strong, happy communities and countries. And that, for you and for everyone else, is real progress.

Text message dating: the new preferred mode of communication. Lamentably, gone is the era of the love letter, the love poem a relic from the days of yore. Today we think we’ve snagged ourselves a good one when we receive a <3. Isn’t he sensitive? Perhaps it’s the ease of use, perhaps we’re all plain […]

Text message dating: the new preferred mode of communication. Lamentably, gone is the era of the love letter, the love poem a relic from the days of yore. Today we think we’ve snagged ourselves a good one when we receive a <3. Isn’t he sensitive?

Perhaps it’s the ease of use, perhaps we’re all plain lazy now, but dating text messages seem to have replaced phone calls. I can’t count the number of times that a date has ended with “I’ll text you later”, and, much to my dismay, actually finding myself happy about receiving his text message.

Spending days clutching my phone everywhere I go, jumping at every little beep and vibrate, cursing my girlfriend for texting me about her cat.

And nonetheless, we have let dating-by-text go on. For all its downfalls, you have to admit that text message dating definitely have its pros.

Text message dating pros #1

Inhibitions go out the window

Dating text messages are a pretty safe mode of communication, giving you a bit of a cushion when wanting to say the things that you would normally be too shy to say face-to-face.

We’re not all well-versed flirters, becoming flustered when faced with sexual innuendos or saying the wrong thing in a moment of panic. It’s easy to freeze up when faced with a strong flirter, the pressures of coming up with the perfect response besting you. More often than not, the light bulb only goes off as you walk away – the moment of should’ve.

But the texted flirt session is easier to handle. When not faced with a dazzling smile, away from having to witness a bad reaction with your own eyes, your creative juices can flow freely. Much like a strong cocktail, your inhibitions are freed with text messages, and suddenly you find yourself becoming the Shakespeare of dirty talk, penning one-liners that would make a porn star blush.

Text message dating pros #2

Time is on your side

If you are oft-tongue tied, text messages are your best friend. A tied-tongue is usually the product of fear – of rejection, of not living up to expectations, of saying the wrong thing,

Of course, like all fears, it is perfectly irrational and lives only in your head. Not that it makes it any easier. But with text messages, you are being given the freedom of time.

You can take as much or as little of it as you need to breathe until your brain reboots. You can wait until you’re ready to formulate your “right” answer without coming off as a mute – a luxury that the face-to-face interaction does not afford.

And with text messages comes the liberty of the edit. You are suddenly able to write, read, revise, think, and revise some more. It’s like being given a rewind button in life.

Moreover, you can enlist your roommate, best friend, sister, mother, and any other female in close proximity as your trusty editor. Take it from me; feedback and critique may be hard to take at first, but can also save you from a world of embarrassment.

Text message dating pros #3

Never be out of touch

For those of us happily in love, especially in the early stages of dating, we want to be with each other all of the time. We want to be able to reach out to him to share our every little thought and daily event.

With the text message, it doesn’t matter where either of you are, you can always be together. At work, the park, a movie, you are never far from each other.

Text message dating pros #4

Easily ignored

Rejection isn’t easy, whether you’re giving or receiving. We’ve all been on the other side of it, and recognize the sensation of your heart dropping into your toes. Nobody wants to be the cause of that, to have that memory attached to our name. With the text message, you can subtly send your message by not sending a message.

Sure, it might be tinged with passive-aggression. Is it the most mature course of action? Absolutely not. But because the text message is so unreliable, with it comes a myriad of excuses for not responding: I didn’t hear my phone, I never received it, I left my phone at home/the office/in the car, my battery died, my dog ate my phone, and a whole slew more.

With the text message, you can pretty much get away with a level of rudeness not acceptable in normal social interaction.

Text message dating cons #1

Easily ignored!

By the same accord, texts are easily ignored! There are too many good excuses for not responding. You know what they all are – you’ve used them. When you suddenly find yourself on the other end of the unresponsive text, it’s inevitable that you grow paranoid. Did I scare him off? Did I say too much? Was I too forward? Why is he ignoring me?!?

The tumble down into crazy land is swift and steep.

But you also know that therein lies some truth. For every excuse that you are being given, it has actually happened to you at least once. It both rings true and false at the same time, in perfect unison, making you feel both better and worse.

Really, it only prolongs your stay in crazy land. A big part of it is your want or need to believe him, but there’s always a little voice in the back of your head that’s just screaming, BS!

Unfortunately, as there really is no established text message etiquette, permitting behavior that isn’t socially acceptable in any other context, the text can ultimately be plain confusing.

Text message dating cons #2

Lost in translation

Only adding to the confusion factor, the text message is so easily misread. A texted conversation is like broken telephone on steroids. The risk factor for misinterpretations, hurt feelings, outright insult is so much greater.

In a text message, it is almost impossible to decipher tone, intonation, and implication. You don’t have the pleasure of catching a devilish glint in their eye. You miss the slight tug of a suppressed smile. Never mind how cute those little moments are; they also serve as cues that he is teasing. Without the audio-visual to accompany the humor, it can read as just plain insulting.

Sarcasm often doesn’t play well in the text, even when followed up with a smiley face. Moreover, especially if you’ve grown used to people’s snarky ways, genuine feelings start reading as sarcastic.

The text message is the cynic’s worst dating tool. It’s hard enough as it is to believe that someone is actually good, that a relationship is actually progressing. Then you are given free reign to interpret.

Add poor texting skills and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.

Text message dating cons #3

Freudian text messages

With the text, especially in an important conversation, it’s almost too easy to screw everything up. Especially, if like me, you send before re-reading, text while on the go, or after a couple of drinks.

Suddenly your heartfelt, prophetic message takes on a whole new meaning. The conversation swerves into the ditch, and your left completely befuddled. Only after going back through your sent messages do you realize what just happened, and you’re left with a heaping mess.

From personal experience, I know that accidentally omitting three little letters, like an N, O and a T, changes everything. “I am not sleeping with him” now has an entirely different, and unintentional, meaning. It’s a pretty deep hole to dig your way out of,.

Text message dating cons #4

Impersonal

The text message, although so convenient, is also entirely impersonal. If you start out relying on text messages as your main vehicle of communication, you can find yourself having gone through the getting-to-know-you stage without actually having heard his voice. It’s almost too easy to hide behind the text message, keeping each other at arm’s length.

Text messages can build up until you’re left with a wall to authentic intimacy. Sincerity and authenticity are almost impossible to translate via text message in the beginning. Even if you’re dating a great wordsmith, it can be very difficult to truly believe the words you read.

With the text message, you are left without the sparks that fly between two physical bodies. There are no moments of electricity when you catch each other’s eye, no heart flutters when a coy smile breaks across his face. Too easily can your words be left hanging, accidentally overlooked and left to smolder in his inbox.

Text message dating leaves evidence

Possibly worst of all, if it all fizzles out, he is left with all this incriminating evidence. The removed nature of the text freed you to be the girl you always thought you were too shy to be. It was exciting in the moment when you fired off an indecent proposal; you got high from the boldness of those come-hither pictures. But now, you’re left with only the cringes, as you run through all that he has at his disposal.

Text message dating: the new preferred mode of communication. Lamentably, gone is the era of the love letter, the love poem a relic from the days of yore. Today we think we’ve snagged ourselves a good one when we receive a <3. Isn’t he sensitive? Perhaps it’s the ease of use, perhaps we’re all plain […]

Text message dating: the new preferred mode of communication. Lamentably, gone is the era of the love letter, the love poem a relic from the days of yore. Today we think we’ve snagged ourselves a good one when we receive a <3. Isn’t he sensitive?

Perhaps it’s the ease of use, perhaps we’re all plain lazy now, but dating text messages seem to have replaced phone calls. I can’t count the number of times that a date has ended with “I’ll text you later”, and, much to my dismay, actually finding myself happy about receiving his text message.

Spending days clutching my phone everywhere I go, jumping at every little beep and vibrate, cursing my girlfriend for texting me about her cat.

And nonetheless, we have let dating-by-text go on. For all its downfalls, you have to admit that text message dating definitely have its pros.

Text message dating pros #1

Inhibitions go out the window

Dating text messages are a pretty safe mode of communication, giving you a bit of a cushion when wanting to say the things that you would normally be too shy to say face-to-face.

We’re not all well-versed flirters, becoming flustered when faced with sexual innuendos or saying the wrong thing in a moment of panic. It’s easy to freeze up when faced with a strong flirter, the pressures of coming up with the perfect response besting you. More often than not, the light bulb only goes off as you walk away – the moment of should’ve.

But the texted flirt session is easier to handle. When not faced with a dazzling smile, away from having to witness a bad reaction with your own eyes, your creative juices can flow freely. Much like a strong cocktail, your inhibitions are freed with text messages, and suddenly you find yourself becoming the Shakespeare of dirty talk, penning one-liners that would make a porn star blush.

Text message dating pros #2

Time is on your side

If you are oft-tongue tied, text messages are your best friend. A tied-tongue is usually the product of fear – of rejection, of not living up to expectations, of saying the wrong thing,

Of course, like all fears, it is perfectly irrational and lives only in your head. Not that it makes it any easier. But with text messages, you are being given the freedom of time.

You can take as much or as little of it as you need to breathe until your brain reboots. You can wait until you’re ready to formulate your “right” answer without coming off as a mute – a luxury that the face-to-face interaction does not afford.

And with text messages comes the liberty of the edit. You are suddenly able to write, read, revise, think, and revise some more. It’s like being given a rewind button in life.

Moreover, you can enlist your roommate, best friend, sister, mother, and any other female in close proximity as your trusty editor. Take it from me; feedback and critique may be hard to take at first, but can also save you from a world of embarrassment.

Text message dating pros #3

Never be out of touch

For those of us happily in love, especially in the early stages of dating, we want to be with each other all of the time. We want to be able to reach out to him to share our every little thought and daily event.

With the text message, it doesn’t matter where either of you are, you can always be together. At work, the park, a movie, you are never far from each other.

Text message dating pros #4

Easily ignored

Rejection isn’t easy, whether you’re giving or receiving. We’ve all been on the other side of it, and recognize the sensation of your heart dropping into your toes. Nobody wants to be the cause of that, to have that memory attached to our name. With the text message, you can subtly send your message by not sending a message.

Sure, it might be tinged with passive-aggression. Is it the most mature course of action? Absolutely not. But because the text message is so unreliable, with it comes a myriad of excuses for not responding: I didn’t hear my phone, I never received it, I left my phone at home/the office/in the car, my battery died, my dog ate my phone, and a whole slew more.

With the text message, you can pretty much get away with a level of rudeness not acceptable in normal social interaction.

Text message dating cons #1

Easily ignored!

By the same accord, texts are easily ignored! There are too many good excuses for not responding. You know what they all are – you’ve used them. When you suddenly find yourself on the other end of the unresponsive text, it’s inevitable that you grow paranoid. Did I scare him off? Did I say too much? Was I too forward? Why is he ignoring me?!?

The tumble down into crazy land is swift and steep.

But you also know that therein lies some truth. For every excuse that you are being given, it has actually happened to you at least once. It both rings true and false at the same time, in perfect unison, making you feel both better and worse.

Really, it only prolongs your stay in crazy land. A big part of it is your want or need to believe him, but there’s always a little voice in the back of your head that’s just screaming, BS!

Unfortunately, as there really is no established text message etiquette, permitting behavior that isn’t socially acceptable in any other context, the text can ultimately be plain confusing.

Text message dating cons #2

Lost in translation

Only adding to the confusion factor, the text message is so easily misread. A texted conversation is like broken telephone on steroids. The risk factor for misinterpretations, hurt feelings, outright insult is so much greater.

In a text message, it is almost impossible to decipher tone, intonation, and implication. You don’t have the pleasure of catching a devilish glint in their eye. You miss the slight tug of a suppressed smile. Never mind how cute those little moments are; they also serve as cues that he is teasing. Without the audio-visual to accompany the humor, it can read as just plain insulting.

Sarcasm often doesn’t play well in the text, even when followed up with a smiley face. Moreover, especially if you’ve grown used to people’s snarky ways, genuine feelings start reading as sarcastic.

The text message is the cynic’s worst dating tool. It’s hard enough as it is to believe that someone is actually good, that a relationship is actually progressing. Then you are given free reign to interpret.

Add poor texting skills and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.

Text message dating cons #3

Freudian text messages

With the text, especially in an important conversation, it’s almost too easy to screw everything up. Especially, if like me, you send before re-reading, text while on the go, or after a couple of drinks.

Suddenly your heartfelt, prophetic message takes on a whole new meaning. The conversation swerves into the ditch, and your left completely befuddled. Only after going back through your sent messages do you realize what just happened, and you’re left with a heaping mess.

From personal experience, I know that accidentally omitting three little letters, like an N, O and a T, changes everything. “I am not sleeping with him” now has an entirely different, and unintentional, meaning. It’s a pretty deep hole to dig your way out of,.

Text message dating cons #4

Impersonal

The text message, although so convenient, is also entirely impersonal. If you start out relying on text messages as your main vehicle of communication, you can find yourself having gone through the getting-to-know-you stage without actually having heard his voice. It’s almost too easy to hide behind the text message, keeping each other at arm’s length.

Text messages can build up until you’re left with a wall to authentic intimacy. Sincerity and authenticity are almost impossible to translate via text message in the beginning. Even if you’re dating a great wordsmith, it can be very difficult to truly believe the words you read.

With the text message, you are left without the sparks that fly between two physical bodies. There are no moments of electricity when you catch each other’s eye, no heart flutters when a coy smile breaks across his face. Too easily can your words be left hanging, accidentally overlooked and left to smolder in his inbox.

Text message dating leaves evidence

Possibly worst of all, if it all fizzles out, he is left with all this incriminating evidence. The removed nature of the text freed you to be the girl you always thought you were too shy to be. It was exciting in the moment when you fired off an indecent proposal; you got high from the boldness of those come-hither pictures. But now, you’re left with only the cringes, as you run through all that he has at his disposal.

“I’m quitting this site. Nobody ever writes back.” In online dating, it’s the battle cry of the weary. “Why bother? There’s no one here for me.” In most cases, this complaint seems to be leveraged against women. It makes sense: women outnumber men on most online dating sites, and women are both messaged more frequently and less […]

“I’m quitting this site. Nobody ever writes back.” In online dating, it’s the battle cry of the weary. “Why bother? There’s no one here for me.”

In most cases, this complaint seems to be leveraged against women. It makes sense: women outnumber men on most online dating sites, and women are both messaged more frequently and less likely to respond.

If you find that you’re getting ignored by women, your most powerful tool is understanding why. There are a million different situations that might cause a girl to ignore your e-mail, but when it comes right down to it, there are only three basic reasons girls don’t write back. Here’s how they break down:

The girl is overwhelmed or busy.

If she’s young or conventionally attractive, she’s probably getting tons of messages. It’s also pretty likely that she has a social life. This means she has too many emails and not enough time. While this sounds like a dream to the guy who’d kill for one message, it can be frustrating to weed through twenty-five poorly spelled, creepy, penis-describing e-mails to get to one normal note from a decent prospect. Under this deluge of attention, some women quit checking mail or stop visiting the site entirely, and some respond only selectively to their mail. A good-hearted few respond to everyone — even those who don’t pique their interest — but it’s more likely that if she’s super busy, you just won’t hear back from her. This is where an interest-catching header is useful. Your email may have been world-class, but if it was headlined “HEY,” the busy girl probably just skipped you.

The girl isn’t really interested in dating.

Some women sign up for dating sites looking for attention, not a relationship. This is cheap and unfair, but it happens.

If you’re totally flummoxed as to why anyone would go that far for attention, check out the first thirty pages of any newsstand women’s magazine. Those ads for makeup, beauty products and diet pills sell women on the idea that they’re not good enough. E-mails from strange guys telling them that they are good enough are addicting to women who need the attention.

That’s no excuse — obviously, using dating sites to get compliments is manipulative and scummy. But it happens. Sometimes these sorts of daters do reply initially and respond to flirtatious advances, but then they back off at the suggestion of a date. It’s complicated and selfish, and frankly, so is she, so — no matter how hot she may be — please console yourself with my assurance that you really, really don’t want to date that stripe of woman anyway.

Also under this category fall the dreaded Bots… spammers whose only goal is to lure you into their nefarious cam chats so that they can flirt (and more) for money. They’re often easy to spot, as they usually look like porn stars, haven’t bothered to fill out their profiles, are looking “for sex!”… and spend all of their time online.

The girl isn’t really interested in dating YOU.

Sometimes the girl has read your message, and she is interested in dating. She’s just not interested in dating you.

Rejection sucks, but it happens all the time. (Next time you’re walking down your block, ask yourself how many of the people you pass are people you’d date. 1 in 10? 1 in 25? Those same exacting standards and low odds apply to you.) Online, it’s true that you can search worldwide for your ideal mate, but that doesn’t have any bearing on whether or not she thinks you’re ideal for her.

Sure, it’s possible that she missed your message. But it’s more likely that you’re not her type. It’s also possible that she doesn’t want to date you for reasons that are entirely unrelated to you (her evil ex was also a Scorpio, or she hates clowns and you mentioned in your profile that you juggle). But if she doesn’t get back to you, and you see that she’s online regularly and seems genuinely interested in finding a partner, you have to accept the possibility that she just doesn’t want to date you.

Every once in awhile, I come across a forum or blog posting in which someone demands that the women/heartless wenches/stuck-up expletives on site X, Y or Z must write back and tell everyone who e-mails them whether or not they’re not interested, because it’s rude to ignore messages. (This argument seems to hold water for about five seconds until you realize that it’s also rude to demand a return e-mail from complete and utter strangers.)

There is no doubt that being ignored is frustrated and ego-bruising. But responding to each message saying, “Not interested, but good luck!” only occasionally achieves the intended result, which is getting the gentleman to go his merry way. More often, it garners an unwanted response. Some ask for critiques of their profiles or messages (“But why aren’t you interested?”), some ask if you can just be “friends” (she’s not on a dating site looking for friends, unless she’s made that curious fact explicit in her profile), and some people snap completely and fill your inbox with messages about how fat, hideous and undateable you are anyway. Those responses may sound absurd, but I have received all of them.

Remember that in online dating, as in real life, you’re going to get more No than Yes responses. Consider the reasons that women might have for not responding to you, and attempt to tailor your messages accordingly. (Do you always write to girls who have two college majors and a full-time job? Are you sending messages to women that stopped logging in three weeks ago? Do all of the girls you contact look like Brazilian supermodels?) The people you choose to contact have as much to do with your success rate as the quality of your messages, and figuring out why women have ignored you is the first step in identifying those who won’t.

“I’m quitting this site. Nobody ever writes back.” In online dating, it’s the battle cry of the weary. “Why bother? There’s no one here for me.” In most cases, this complaint seems to be leveraged against women. It makes sense: women outnumber men on most online dating sites, and women are both messaged more frequently and less […]

“I’m quitting this site. Nobody ever writes back.” In online dating, it’s the battle cry of the weary. “Why bother? There’s no one here for me.”

In most cases, this complaint seems to be leveraged against women. It makes sense: women outnumber men on most online dating sites, and women are both messaged more frequently and less likely to respond.

If you find that you’re getting ignored by women, your most powerful tool is understanding why. There are a million different situations that might cause a girl to ignore your e-mail, but when it comes right down to it, there are only three basic reasons girls don’t write back. Here’s how they break down:

The girl is overwhelmed or busy.

If she’s young or conventionally attractive, she’s probably getting tons of messages. It’s also pretty likely that she has a social life. This means she has too many emails and not enough time. While this sounds like a dream to the guy who’d kill for one message, it can be frustrating to weed through twenty-five poorly spelled, creepy, penis-describing e-mails to get to one normal note from a decent prospect. Under this deluge of attention, some women quit checking mail or stop visiting the site entirely, and some respond only selectively to their mail. A good-hearted few respond to everyone — even those who don’t pique their interest — but it’s more likely that if she’s super busy, you just won’t hear back from her. This is where an interest-catching header is useful. Your email may have been world-class, but if it was headlined “HEY,” the busy girl probably just skipped you.

The girl isn’t really interested in dating.

Some women sign up for dating sites looking for attention, not a relationship. This is cheap and unfair, but it happens.

If you’re totally flummoxed as to why anyone would go that far for attention, check out the first thirty pages of any newsstand women’s magazine. Those ads for makeup, beauty products and diet pills sell women on the idea that they’re not good enough. E-mails from strange guys telling them that they are good enough are addicting to women who need the attention.

That’s no excuse — obviously, using dating sites to get compliments is manipulative and scummy. But it happens. Sometimes these sorts of daters do reply initially and respond to flirtatious advances, but then they back off at the suggestion of a date. It’s complicated and selfish, and frankly, so is she, so — no matter how hot she may be — please console yourself with my assurance that you really, really don’t want to date that stripe of woman anyway.

Also under this category fall the dreaded Bots… spammers whose only goal is to lure you into their nefarious cam chats so that they can flirt (and more) for money. They’re often easy to spot, as they usually look like porn stars, haven’t bothered to fill out their profiles, are looking “for sex!”… and spend all of their time online.

The girl isn’t really interested in dating YOU.

Sometimes the girl has read your message, and she is interested in dating. She’s just not interested in dating you.

Rejection sucks, but it happens all the time. (Next time you’re walking down your block, ask yourself how many of the people you pass are people you’d date. 1 in 10? 1 in 25? Those same exacting standards and low odds apply to you.) Online, it’s true that you can search worldwide for your ideal mate, but that doesn’t have any bearing on whether or not she thinks you’re ideal for her.

Sure, it’s possible that she missed your message. But it’s more likely that you’re not her type. It’s also possible that she doesn’t want to date you for reasons that are entirely unrelated to you (her evil ex was also a Scorpio, or she hates clowns and you mentioned in your profile that you juggle). But if she doesn’t get back to you, and you see that she’s online regularly and seems genuinely interested in finding a partner, you have to accept the possibility that she just doesn’t want to date you.

Every once in awhile, I come across a forum or blog posting in which someone demands that the women/heartless wenches/stuck-up expletives on site X, Y or Z must write back and tell everyone who e-mails them whether or not they’re not interested, because it’s rude to ignore messages. (This argument seems to hold water for about five seconds until you realize that it’s also rude to demand a return e-mail from complete and utter strangers.)

There is no doubt that being ignored is frustrated and ego-bruising. But responding to each message saying, “Not interested, but good luck!” only occasionally achieves the intended result, which is getting the gentleman to go his merry way. More often, it garners an unwanted response. Some ask for critiques of their profiles or messages (“But why aren’t you interested?”), some ask if you can just be “friends” (she’s not on a dating site looking for friends, unless she’s made that curious fact explicit in her profile), and some people snap completely and fill your inbox with messages about how fat, hideous and undateable you are anyway. Those responses may sound absurd, but I have received all of them.

Remember that in online dating, as in real life, you’re going to get more No than Yes responses. Consider the reasons that women might have for not responding to you, and attempt to tailor your messages accordingly. (Do you always write to girls who have two college majors and a full-time job? Are you sending messages to women that stopped logging in three weeks ago? Do all of the girls you contact look like Brazilian supermodels?) The people you choose to contact have as much to do with your success rate as the quality of your messages, and figuring out why women have ignored you is the first step in identifying those who won’t.

We’ve all seen them. In grocery stores and elevators, board rooms and lunchrooms; on buses, planes and trains. Everywhere you look there’s an example of another man’s desperate attempt to cling to his few remaining strands of hair, commonly known as the comb-over. It’s a look that invariably raises the question: Wouldn’t it be better to just […]

We’ve all seen them. In grocery stores and elevators, board rooms and lunchrooms; on buses, planes and trains. Everywhere you look there’s an example of another man’s desperate attempt to cling to his few remaining strands of hair, commonly known as the comb-over.

It’s a look that invariably raises the question: Wouldn’t it be better to just go completely bald? And I can’t disagree. A handful of hairs spanning an acre of scalp isn’t exactly what I would call holding the line against baldness. I mean, seriously, what’s the point? Face it, Mr. Wizard, no one is buying your pleas to pay no attention to that scalp behind the curtain. It’s time to face the inevitable, and surrender to the bald side. I can think of 10 good reasons why I’ll never do a comb-over.

Bald is sexy.

At the very least, it’s sexier than a comb-over, which for my money screams insecurity and desperation. Which would you choose, ladies?

Doing a comb-over is roughly the equivalent of wearing a thong to the beach.

You’re really not covering up much and would probably be a lot more comfortable being completely nude. Those slender strands only draw attention to what’s lacking, if you know what I mean.

Short of slathering your hair in super glue,

even the slightest breeze is apt to leave you looking like a rooster. So virtually every time you go outdoors, your head is basically a human drawbridge.

With a comb-over, every day is a bad hair day.

There’s just no keeping that thing in place short of wearing a hat; in which case, the question once again is, why hang onto those few follicles?

Trust me when I tell you, champ:

no woman is going to want to run her fingers through those strands. In fact, she’s more likely to enjoy stroking a smooth scalp.

Hair maintenance

at this point would be much easier if you just shave it all off. With a comb-over, you’ll still be paying full price for a haircut, only to still look ridiculous.

Two words: Donald Trump

Once you begin balding, the gap is only going to widen over time.

This in turn will require longer lengths of hair to span the gap until eventually, you look like this guy:

Then there’s the other prospect:

What if your hair isn’t longenoughto comb all the way over? Is it just me, or is this comb-over sort of like hiding an elephant in a daisy patch?

And finally

if you need any further evidence against comb-overs, just take a look at the latest poster boy for them:

We’ve all seen them. In grocery stores and elevators, board rooms and lunchrooms; on buses, planes and trains. Everywhere you look there’s an example of another man’s desperate attempt to cling to his few remaining strands of hair, commonly known as the comb-over. It’s a look that invariably raises the question: Wouldn’t it be better to just […]

We’ve all seen them. In grocery stores and elevators, board rooms and lunchrooms; on buses, planes and trains. Everywhere you look there’s an example of another man’s desperate attempt to cling to his few remaining strands of hair, commonly known as the comb-over.

It’s a look that invariably raises the question: Wouldn’t it be better to just go completely bald? And I can’t disagree. A handful of hairs spanning an acre of scalp isn’t exactly what I would call holding the line against baldness. I mean, seriously, what’s the point? Face it, Mr. Wizard, no one is buying your pleas to pay no attention to that scalp behind the curtain. It’s time to face the inevitable, and surrender to the bald side. I can think of 10 good reasons why I’ll never do a comb-over.

Bald is sexy.

At the very least, it’s sexier than a comb-over, which for my money screams insecurity and desperation. Which would you choose, ladies?

Doing a comb-over is roughly the equivalent of wearing a thong to the beach.

You’re really not covering up much and would probably be a lot more comfortable being completely nude. Those slender strands only draw attention to what’s lacking, if you know what I mean.

Short of slathering your hair in super glue,

even the slightest breeze is apt to leave you looking like a rooster. So virtually every time you go outdoors, your head is basically a human drawbridge.

With a comb-over, every day is a bad hair day.

There’s just no keeping that thing in place short of wearing a hat; in which case, the question once again is, why hang onto those few follicles?

Trust me when I tell you, champ:

no woman is going to want to run her fingers through those strands. In fact, she’s more likely to enjoy stroking a smooth scalp.

Hair maintenance

at this point would be much easier if you just shave it all off. With a comb-over, you’ll still be paying full price for a haircut, only to still look ridiculous.

Two words: Donald Trump

Once you begin balding, the gap is only going to widen over time.

This in turn will require longer lengths of hair to span the gap until eventually, you look like this guy:

Then there’s the other prospect:

What if your hair isn’t longenoughto comb all the way over? Is it just me, or is this comb-over sort of like hiding an elephant in a daisy patch?

And finally

if you need any further evidence against comb-overs, just take a look at the latest poster boy for them:

Nothing hurts worse than having your heart handed to you by the one you love! Now it’s time to take it back! This lens is to help those who have recently been crushed, dumped, played or left by their significant other by offering 10 steps to get yourself back on track, get over your ex […]

Nothing hurts worse than having your heart handed to you by the one you love! Now it’s time to take it back!

This lens is to help those who have recently been crushed, dumped, played or left by their significant other by offering 10 steps to get yourself back on track, get over your ex and live the life you deserve to live. No one said it was easy but these tips can help….

The only 10 Steps you’ll need to move on

Ok so maybe you’ve just been dumped and are sitting at your house or apartment analyzing every nuance of your relationship only to find yourself feeling worse and worse. Your heart hurts and you just want it to stop but no matter how hard you try you just keep running the film over and over again. Let me share something that might help you and is common sense, no amount of analysis or mental energy will change what has been done, in fact analyzing your situation over and over again will likely make things worse. So take a break and read these 10 tips to getting over your ex and moving on. (if your stomach dropped when you read the word moving on don’t worry you’re not hopeless)

1) Look in the Mirror:

This is the only person that you truly have to live with for the rest of your life. Spouses can pass away or unexpectedly leave our lives in one form or another. Yet wherever you are, there you are, or something like that. Let that sink in. You are the only person that you for sure have to put up with for the rest of your life.

So ask yourself this: Do I like what I see? If you don’t its time for a change and the good news is that change occurs whenever you are ready to, you guessed it, CHANGE. Don’t spend this time focusing on your ex, spend the time focusing on yourself, your goals, aspirations and dreams are what really count in the scheme of things. This is a time to reflect on what you want for yourself! An important thing to remember in this step is to put YOUR NEEDS FIRST independent of others needs. I know this sounds selfish but it is even more selfish to sit around pining and whining about your ex, which by the way, makes yourself and everyone else miserable in the process. Its time to DO YOU instead of DOING WHAT YOU THINK EVERYONE ELSE THINKS YOU SHOULD BE DOING. Go out there and get what you want, but take the first step and figure out what you want. (AND NO GETTING YOUR EX BACK IS NOT WHAT YOU REALLY WANT)

2) Don’t Mistake Obsession for Reflection

While it is important to reflect on the past relationship in a constructive manner now is NOT the time for that. In fact instead of reflecting you will more than likely be obsessing which, as we all know, is not a healthy means of coping. If the break up was recent right now you are probably just scrambling for answers or ways to get him/her back, the fact of the matter is, it’s extremely unlikely that you are thinking like a rational adult, in fact you probably more closely resemble a high school drama queen or some sort of Lindsay Lohan esque hot mess.

In the future you can have all the time you want to reflect but chances are by that time you won’t even want to because you’ll be over it.. Signs you are obsessing: Checking your phone every 30 seconds, Facebook Stalking, Real Life Stalking behavior (Driving by their work, house etc.), thinking about how “if only I could have done x or y differently” Don’t waste your time or risk getting yourself in trouble…..

3) Focus on the people that won’t leave you sitting at the bus stop with your heart in your hand

You know who these people are! They’re the ones that try their best to support you and are always there for you; they’re your close family and friends, the very people you’ve probably been neglecting since you got in the relationship. After my messy breakup I started spending more time with family and friends and too be honest it made me feel worlds better. These are the people in your life that you really need to value and never let them take back seat to new relationships. Remember some people may not be so lucky, they may not have friends and family that they can really count on, if you do just consider yourself blessed!

4) Focus on YOU

Too often in relationships, especially after being dumped, we focus on the other person, wondering how to optimize the relationship or make them happy so they will stay with us or so we can get them back…..FORGET all that.

The new and luckier you only has YOU to worry about! What do you want to do? Get in better shape, Run a marathon, Open a business, learn how to shoot a machine gun…the good news is you can do all of those things, the only trouble is you have to get out there and do them.

If you’re spending all day locked in your bedroom watching Saved by the Bell Reruns, lamenting over your ex, chain smoking cigarettes the only person you’re hurting is yourself……STOP

The best advice I ever got after a messy breakup was STOP HURTING YOURSELF!

That’s the truth….someone puts our heart through a blender and we feel like, well we feel like CRAP, to put it bluntly, there is that urge or instinct to just lay over and die…DON’T DO THAT.

Trust me you have worth, you are a human being walking this earth and have been granted existence by whatever heavenly body you choose to believe in, what more do you want? A written invitation to go live your own life? You might be waiting a while.

Get out there and write your own story don’t let others write it for you, oh yea, and remember to make it worth reading!

5) Ask yourself what couldn’t I do in the relationship that I can do now?

The first obvious one is DATE! Now your free to date other people and with around 3.1billion of the opposite sex to choose from I would say your odds are pretty good. You now have the opportunity to go find someone that won’t break your heart!

Or maybe you couldn’t travel to South America or Alaska because your ex didn’t like the heat or the cold. Maybe you always wanted to join the Peace Corps but how could you leave your ex behind? Now you don’t have the problem……Really think about this; there are many ways relationships enrich our lives but there are many ways that they can also limit our lives.

I highly recommend the book No More Mr. Nice Guy it helped me personally get over my breakup and realize where I was going wrong in this relationship as well as many others, its no fix it quick scheme, but it does help you to cope with and face the facts of your relationships while providing helpful, insightful and positive actions to improve going forward!

A couple of books I read that helped me get through and understand the breakup

Books I Read That Helped Me Along The Way

Lots of People recommended this book to me on Loveshack.org and I was not disappointed.
The book gave me lots of insight on what I was doing wrong and how to improve myself and, most importantly, how to stop getting into toxic relationships.

This was a life saver….
If you’re dating someone you think has borderline personality disorder I would highly recommend checking this out!

6) Avoid False Hope Like the Plague

This is what is going to kill you. Having false hope opens you up to a myriad of sources for your personal torment and pain. If you are a masochist and enjoy pain hang on to hope like its the last chicken nugget in a McDonald-less world!

False hope or even real hope for that matter is dangerous for a few reasons, one of the biggest reasons is that it keeps you in the PAST and hinders your ability to move boldly into the FUTURE.

You must abandon all hope! If your ex is leading you on or making sure you’re still single or available my advice is approach with extreme caution. You may be just setting yourself of for round two of the heartache, I speak from experience here. Two months after she breaks up with me she came back, with a vengeance, and left me again out of the blue, just up and dropped me on my head. That is the most likely outcome of retaining hope, you will get hurt again. Consider what you had as being dead, mourn for a week or two and then get serious with your moving on.

7) No Contact

The most important and hardest piece of advice to follow. I implore you however to follow it and follow it religiously, if you think you need to send you ex a text or call them just to clear the air and get things off your chest you are making a classic mistake and I’ll repeat what was said before Stop Hurting Yourself!

Calling, texting or seeing your ex almost always results in more pain for you and more satisfaction for them, do yourself a favor delete their number, their facebook, twitter, etc. they want you out of their lives, right? Well show them that you fully agree and will oblige by their wishes.
If they want to get in touch with you trust me they will!

*Chances are your ex will contact you in the future. The strange thing is, the more you get over them the more likely they are to contact you, its like a universal law in my dating experience. Whatever you do, if it was messy and you feel like you were shafted, don’t go back, you’re just their backup or their Mr. Right now or worse their security blanket. Its best to avoid all contact and if contact is a must keep it impersonal and at a bare minimum. (chances are this will drive them crazy and potentially try to get you back even more but this is really for your own mental and emotional well being.)

8) Don’t Hold On To Their Crap or Things That Remind You Of The Relationship

Something about a breakup really taps into our creepy, obsessive side, avoid the temptation to hold onto their stuff it’s unhealthy and it keeps you from really moving on. After my breakup it was critical for me to get rid of all of her stuff and the things that reminded me of the relationship, while this didn’t solve all my problems it certainly made me feel better!

I’m not saying you have to throw everything away, what I am saying is it would be wise to box everything up and classify the boxes in two categories 1)Their Stuff (they may want it back in the future) 2) Things that remind you of them

If your dog reminds you of them PLEASE do not box it up and put it in the attic!

9) Change your living Situation

Getting a new house or apartment isn’t always that easy so another option is to change the layout of your pad. I rent a 3 bedroom apartment so the fix was easy, I changed bedrooms and got a roommate! Changing the layout of your place creates a feeling of newness and can be done for free or for very little money. If you need new furniture or wall art check out garage and estate sales for great deals!

Changing the layout of my place helped me out a lot! From experience I can tell you that this is a great action step to take to start the healing process in earnest.

10) Remember these wise words “This Too Shall Pass”

Everyone gets their heart stomped on at one point or another. Don”t let this limit your growth as a person, or become one of those “scared to love” types. Remember the intense sense of loss and grief your experiencing now are only temporary! Don’t let this breakup define you in a negative way, instead let this experience redefine you in a positive light.

You have a lot to offer and someone that’s a good fit for you will complement your positive traits and encourage you to pursue your goals. Don’t settle for being second best or live your life in the endless series of “what if’s” truly life is too short for all that and if you are going to let just one person control your life don’t let it be your ex, let it be you!

Get out there and meet people. go to sites like meetup.com and find exciting new things to try, there really are a ton! Volunteer, go to church, help your cousin study for his math test. Get outside yourself and see what the world has to offer. You are the arbiter of your own destiny.

Warnings:

If you feel like you are suicidal or homicidal seek help immediately

Don’t try to cure clinical problems like depression by yourself, there a lot of people and resources out there that want to help you.

Don’t do this alone! Share your feelings and thoughts with someone you trust and who will listen to you!

Nothing hurts worse than having your heart handed to you by the one you love! Now it’s time to take it back! This lens is to help those who have recently been crushed, dumped, played or left by their significant other by offering 10 steps to get yourself back on track, get over your ex […]

Nothing hurts worse than having your heart handed to you by the one you love! Now it’s time to take it back!

This lens is to help those who have recently been crushed, dumped, played or left by their significant other by offering 10 steps to get yourself back on track, get over your ex and live the life you deserve to live. No one said it was easy but these tips can help….

The only 10 Steps you’ll need to move on

Ok so maybe you’ve just been dumped and are sitting at your house or apartment analyzing every nuance of your relationship only to find yourself feeling worse and worse. Your heart hurts and you just want it to stop but no matter how hard you try you just keep running the film over and over again. Let me share something that might help you and is common sense, no amount of analysis or mental energy will change what has been done, in fact analyzing your situation over and over again will likely make things worse. So take a break and read these 10 tips to getting over your ex and moving on. (if your stomach dropped when you read the word moving on don’t worry you’re not hopeless)

1) Look in the Mirror:

This is the only person that you truly have to live with for the rest of your life. Spouses can pass away or unexpectedly leave our lives in one form or another. Yet wherever you are, there you are, or something like that. Let that sink in. You are the only person that you for sure have to put up with for the rest of your life.

So ask yourself this: Do I like what I see? If you don’t its time for a change and the good news is that change occurs whenever you are ready to, you guessed it, CHANGE. Don’t spend this time focusing on your ex, spend the time focusing on yourself, your goals, aspirations and dreams are what really count in the scheme of things. This is a time to reflect on what you want for yourself! An important thing to remember in this step is to put YOUR NEEDS FIRST independent of others needs. I know this sounds selfish but it is even more selfish to sit around pining and whining about your ex, which by the way, makes yourself and everyone else miserable in the process. Its time to DO YOU instead of DOING WHAT YOU THINK EVERYONE ELSE THINKS YOU SHOULD BE DOING. Go out there and get what you want, but take the first step and figure out what you want. (AND NO GETTING YOUR EX BACK IS NOT WHAT YOU REALLY WANT)

2) Don’t Mistake Obsession for Reflection

While it is important to reflect on the past relationship in a constructive manner now is NOT the time for that. In fact instead of reflecting you will more than likely be obsessing which, as we all know, is not a healthy means of coping. If the break up was recent right now you are probably just scrambling for answers or ways to get him/her back, the fact of the matter is, it’s extremely unlikely that you are thinking like a rational adult, in fact you probably more closely resemble a high school drama queen or some sort of Lindsay Lohan esque hot mess.

In the future you can have all the time you want to reflect but chances are by that time you won’t even want to because you’ll be over it.. Signs you are obsessing: Checking your phone every 30 seconds, Facebook Stalking, Real Life Stalking behavior (Driving by their work, house etc.), thinking about how “if only I could have done x or y differently” Don’t waste your time or risk getting yourself in trouble…..

3) Focus on the people that won’t leave you sitting at the bus stop with your heart in your hand

You know who these people are! They’re the ones that try their best to support you and are always there for you; they’re your close family and friends, the very people you’ve probably been neglecting since you got in the relationship. After my messy breakup I started spending more time with family and friends and too be honest it made me feel worlds better. These are the people in your life that you really need to value and never let them take back seat to new relationships. Remember some people may not be so lucky, they may not have friends and family that they can really count on, if you do just consider yourself blessed!

4) Focus on YOU

Too often in relationships, especially after being dumped, we focus on the other person, wondering how to optimize the relationship or make them happy so they will stay with us or so we can get them back…..FORGET all that.

The new and luckier you only has YOU to worry about! What do you want to do? Get in better shape, Run a marathon, Open a business, learn how to shoot a machine gun…the good news is you can do all of those things, the only trouble is you have to get out there and do them.

If you’re spending all day locked in your bedroom watching Saved by the Bell Reruns, lamenting over your ex, chain smoking cigarettes the only person you’re hurting is yourself……STOP

The best advice I ever got after a messy breakup was STOP HURTING YOURSELF!

That’s the truth….someone puts our heart through a blender and we feel like, well we feel like CRAP, to put it bluntly, there is that urge or instinct to just lay over and die…DON’T DO THAT.

Trust me you have worth, you are a human being walking this earth and have been granted existence by whatever heavenly body you choose to believe in, what more do you want? A written invitation to go live your own life? You might be waiting a while.

Get out there and write your own story don’t let others write it for you, oh yea, and remember to make it worth reading!

5) Ask yourself what couldn’t I do in the relationship that I can do now?

The first obvious one is DATE! Now your free to date other people and with around 3.1billion of the opposite sex to choose from I would say your odds are pretty good. You now have the opportunity to go find someone that won’t break your heart!

Or maybe you couldn’t travel to South America or Alaska because your ex didn’t like the heat or the cold. Maybe you always wanted to join the Peace Corps but how could you leave your ex behind? Now you don’t have the problem……Really think about this; there are many ways relationships enrich our lives but there are many ways that they can also limit our lives.

I highly recommend the book No More Mr. Nice Guy it helped me personally get over my breakup and realize where I was going wrong in this relationship as well as many others, its no fix it quick scheme, but it does help you to cope with and face the facts of your relationships while providing helpful, insightful and positive actions to improve going forward!

A couple of books I read that helped me get through and understand the breakup

Books I Read That Helped Me Along The Way

Lots of People recommended this book to me on Loveshack.org and I was not disappointed.
The book gave me lots of insight on what I was doing wrong and how to improve myself and, most importantly, how to stop getting into toxic relationships.

This was a life saver….
If you’re dating someone you think has borderline personality disorder I would highly recommend checking this out!

6) Avoid False Hope Like the Plague

This is what is going to kill you. Having false hope opens you up to a myriad of sources for your personal torment and pain. If you are a masochist and enjoy pain hang on to hope like its the last chicken nugget in a McDonald-less world!

False hope or even real hope for that matter is dangerous for a few reasons, one of the biggest reasons is that it keeps you in the PAST and hinders your ability to move boldly into the FUTURE.

You must abandon all hope! If your ex is leading you on or making sure you’re still single or available my advice is approach with extreme caution. You may be just setting yourself of for round two of the heartache, I speak from experience here. Two months after she breaks up with me she came back, with a vengeance, and left me again out of the blue, just up and dropped me on my head. That is the most likely outcome of retaining hope, you will get hurt again. Consider what you had as being dead, mourn for a week or two and then get serious with your moving on.

7) No Contact

The most important and hardest piece of advice to follow. I implore you however to follow it and follow it religiously, if you think you need to send you ex a text or call them just to clear the air and get things off your chest you are making a classic mistake and I’ll repeat what was said before Stop Hurting Yourself!

Calling, texting or seeing your ex almost always results in more pain for you and more satisfaction for them, do yourself a favor delete their number, their facebook, twitter, etc. they want you out of their lives, right? Well show them that you fully agree and will oblige by their wishes.
If they want to get in touch with you trust me they will!

*Chances are your ex will contact you in the future. The strange thing is, the more you get over them the more likely they are to contact you, its like a universal law in my dating experience. Whatever you do, if it was messy and you feel like you were shafted, don’t go back, you’re just their backup or their Mr. Right now or worse their security blanket. Its best to avoid all contact and if contact is a must keep it impersonal and at a bare minimum. (chances are this will drive them crazy and potentially try to get you back even more but this is really for your own mental and emotional well being.)

8) Don’t Hold On To Their Crap or Things That Remind You Of The Relationship

Something about a breakup really taps into our creepy, obsessive side, avoid the temptation to hold onto their stuff it’s unhealthy and it keeps you from really moving on. After my breakup it was critical for me to get rid of all of her stuff and the things that reminded me of the relationship, while this didn’t solve all my problems it certainly made me feel better!

I’m not saying you have to throw everything away, what I am saying is it would be wise to box everything up and classify the boxes in two categories 1)Their Stuff (they may want it back in the future) 2) Things that remind you of them

If your dog reminds you of them PLEASE do not box it up and put it in the attic!

9) Change your living Situation

Getting a new house or apartment isn’t always that easy so another option is to change the layout of your pad. I rent a 3 bedroom apartment so the fix was easy, I changed bedrooms and got a roommate! Changing the layout of your place creates a feeling of newness and can be done for free or for very little money. If you need new furniture or wall art check out garage and estate sales for great deals!

Changing the layout of my place helped me out a lot! From experience I can tell you that this is a great action step to take to start the healing process in earnest.

10) Remember these wise words “This Too Shall Pass”

Everyone gets their heart stomped on at one point or another. Don”t let this limit your growth as a person, or become one of those “scared to love” types. Remember the intense sense of loss and grief your experiencing now are only temporary! Don’t let this breakup define you in a negative way, instead let this experience redefine you in a positive light.

You have a lot to offer and someone that’s a good fit for you will complement your positive traits and encourage you to pursue your goals. Don’t settle for being second best or live your life in the endless series of “what if’s” truly life is too short for all that and if you are going to let just one person control your life don’t let it be your ex, let it be you!

Get out there and meet people. go to sites like meetup.com and find exciting new things to try, there really are a ton! Volunteer, go to church, help your cousin study for his math test. Get outside yourself and see what the world has to offer. You are the arbiter of your own destiny.

Warnings:

If you feel like you are suicidal or homicidal seek help immediately

Don’t try to cure clinical problems like depression by yourself, there a lot of people and resources out there that want to help you.

Don’t do this alone! Share your feelings and thoughts with someone you trust and who will listen to you!

It’s always exciting to get that e-mail from Facebook telling you a potential love interest has friended you. Whether it’s a new crush in class or the guy you met at the bar, it gives you a rush. “He wants to BE MY FRIEND!” you think. “This is the start of something wonderful!” You can flirt on each […]

It’s always exciting to get that e-mail from Facebook telling you a potential love interest has friended you. Whether it’s a new crush in class or the guy you met at the bar, it gives you a rush. “He wants to BE MY FRIEND!” you think. “This is the start of something wonderful!” You can flirt on each other’s Walls and send private messages. Maybe it is the start of something wonderful … until it isn’t anymore. Whether it was cheating, “irreconcilable differences,” or just a gradual fade-out, you may find your dating bliss suddenly cut short.

And as exciting as it is to friend a guy you like, there is nothing more exhilarating than defriending a guy who did you wrong. Thrilled, you take it a step further by blocking him and all his friends. “Take that!” you shout gleefully as you click Remove. “I’ll show YOU!”

And maybe it does show him. Or maybe it just shows that you’re immature. Proceed with caution.

First, be sure it’s really over. If you’re tempted to do it in a moment of righteous indignation because he didn’t call you back for 24 hours, slow down. Is this your first fight? Log out. Even breakups can be false alarms. Having to re-friend (and then re-relationship) is embarrassing. When Facebook asks, “What’s on your mind?” you might have to respond, “Just being bat sh*t crazy. Whoops!”

If it was a fade-out (maybe he called you less and stopped making plans, and you got the hint), don’t defriend just yet. Yes, it’s annoying to be “let go” without an explanation, but life goes on. Sure, he’s a coward, but defriending shows him you are really hurt. Why give him that satisfaction? And if you defriend him, he won’t be able to see how hot you look or how many cute guys are writing on your Wall.

Don’t bother if you’re probably going to see him again, especially if bar run-ins are common. You won’t know if he knows you defriended him. He might not, and drunkenly hit on you. You might drunkenly accept. Awkwardness will ensue.

If, six weeks or so after the fade-out, you haven’t seen him and you still want to defriend, go ahead. It can be really annoying to see random updates from a guy you liked — especially one who disappeared on you. If you’re defriending him, go ahead and defriend his buddies while you’re at it. Not true mutual friends, but anyone you wouldn’t have met or friended if you weren’t trying to get in his pants. He may or may not notice at this point, but it’s past the “Wow, she’s really immature and still hung up on me,” statute of limitations.

If he legitimately wronged you — cheating, a text message break-up — you can proceed if your goal is self-preservation and your MO is denial. If unexpectedly seeing he’s in a relationship with someone else in a week will send you straight to your friends Ben & Jerry (or Jim, Jack, and Jose), go ahead. But start by selecting “Hide” when he shows up on your mini-feed. Just getting him off of your homepage might be enough. This is ideal — you’re safe, but he’s tortured, heartbroken, and constantly checking your page.

You should definitely defriend if Facebook has the tendency to make you bat sh*t crazy. (Be honest with yourself.) Removing him from your friends means you can’t check his profile for pictures with new girls who you’ll subsequently hate, or stalk his status updates so you can “accidentally” run into him. But if you’re going to log into your friends’ accounts so you can continue to keep tabs on him, why bother?
If he’s the kind of guy who is just bad for you — your friends keep telling you he’s not good enough, he has a history of doing crappy things and then begging you for forgiveness — and you’re truly ready to move on, defriend and block. Blocking makes it impossible for him to send you a message, which you may need at this point. It also tells him you’re really done. But if you do this, you have to stay strong and ignore all subsequent texts and phone calls.

Facebook is your personal space, and it’s tempting to defriend so he simply can’t see you. Why should he be allowed to view your important status updates, your favorite funny videos, your latest pictures? Agreed — so put him and his buddies on “Limited Profile.” It’s a little less “She f*cking hates me!” and a little more “Hmm … I wish I knew what she’s up to these days.” It’s totally OK to keep him at a distance.

And if you did the fade-out, the cheating, the text message break-up … don’t do anything. Let him decide on his own. You don’t need to take action because you “don’t want to hurt him.” Get over yourself. He’s probably already Poked someone new.

It’s always exciting to get that e-mail from Facebook telling you a potential love interest has friended you. Whether it’s a new crush in class or the guy you met at the bar, it gives you a rush. “He wants to BE MY FRIEND!” you think. “This is the start of something wonderful!” You can flirt on each […]

It’s always exciting to get that e-mail from Facebook telling you a potential love interest has friended you. Whether it’s a new crush in class or the guy you met at the bar, it gives you a rush. “He wants to BE MY FRIEND!” you think. “This is the start of something wonderful!” You can flirt on each other’s Walls and send private messages. Maybe it is the start of something wonderful … until it isn’t anymore. Whether it was cheating, “irreconcilable differences,” or just a gradual fade-out, you may find your dating bliss suddenly cut short.

And as exciting as it is to friend a guy you like, there is nothing more exhilarating than defriending a guy who did you wrong. Thrilled, you take it a step further by blocking him and all his friends. “Take that!” you shout gleefully as you click Remove. “I’ll show YOU!”

And maybe it does show him. Or maybe it just shows that you’re immature. Proceed with caution.

First, be sure it’s really over. If you’re tempted to do it in a moment of righteous indignation because he didn’t call you back for 24 hours, slow down. Is this your first fight? Log out. Even breakups can be false alarms. Having to re-friend (and then re-relationship) is embarrassing. When Facebook asks, “What’s on your mind?” you might have to respond, “Just being bat sh*t crazy. Whoops!”

If it was a fade-out (maybe he called you less and stopped making plans, and you got the hint), don’t defriend just yet. Yes, it’s annoying to be “let go” without an explanation, but life goes on. Sure, he’s a coward, but defriending shows him you are really hurt. Why give him that satisfaction? And if you defriend him, he won’t be able to see how hot you look or how many cute guys are writing on your Wall.

Don’t bother if you’re probably going to see him again, especially if bar run-ins are common. You won’t know if he knows you defriended him. He might not, and drunkenly hit on you. You might drunkenly accept. Awkwardness will ensue.

If, six weeks or so after the fade-out, you haven’t seen him and you still want to defriend, go ahead. It can be really annoying to see random updates from a guy you liked — especially one who disappeared on you. If you’re defriending him, go ahead and defriend his buddies while you’re at it. Not true mutual friends, but anyone you wouldn’t have met or friended if you weren’t trying to get in his pants. He may or may not notice at this point, but it’s past the “Wow, she’s really immature and still hung up on me,” statute of limitations.

If he legitimately wronged you — cheating, a text message break-up — you can proceed if your goal is self-preservation and your MO is denial. If unexpectedly seeing he’s in a relationship with someone else in a week will send you straight to your friends Ben & Jerry (or Jim, Jack, and Jose), go ahead. But start by selecting “Hide” when he shows up on your mini-feed. Just getting him off of your homepage might be enough. This is ideal — you’re safe, but he’s tortured, heartbroken, and constantly checking your page.

You should definitely defriend if Facebook has the tendency to make you bat sh*t crazy. (Be honest with yourself.) Removing him from your friends means you can’t check his profile for pictures with new girls who you’ll subsequently hate, or stalk his status updates so you can “accidentally” run into him. But if you’re going to log into your friends’ accounts so you can continue to keep tabs on him, why bother?
If he’s the kind of guy who is just bad for you — your friends keep telling you he’s not good enough, he has a history of doing crappy things and then begging you for forgiveness — and you’re truly ready to move on, defriend and block. Blocking makes it impossible for him to send you a message, which you may need at this point. It also tells him you’re really done. But if you do this, you have to stay strong and ignore all subsequent texts and phone calls.

Facebook is your personal space, and it’s tempting to defriend so he simply can’t see you. Why should he be allowed to view your important status updates, your favorite funny videos, your latest pictures? Agreed — so put him and his buddies on “Limited Profile.” It’s a little less “She f*cking hates me!” and a little more “Hmm … I wish I knew what she’s up to these days.” It’s totally OK to keep him at a distance.

And if you did the fade-out, the cheating, the text message break-up … don’t do anything. Let him decide on his own. You don’t need to take action because you “don’t want to hurt him.” Get over yourself. He’s probably already Poked someone new.

The act of breaking up with your significant other over email isn’t exactly regarded with the most enthusiasm nowadays. In fact, the breakup email is often seen as cowardly and even insulting, loaded with all the cold professionalism and biting brevity of a resignation letter. It’s as if the heartbroken recipient is a subscriber to […]

The act of breaking up with your significant other over email isn’t exactly regarded with the most enthusiasm nowadays. In fact, the breakup email is often seen as cowardly and even insulting, loaded with all the cold professionalism and biting brevity of a resignation letter. It’s as if the heartbroken recipient is a subscriber to a love newsletter, and you’ve decided to inform them that you’ll no longer be providing your service. That’s just extremely bad form, and who can blame the heartbroken for retaliating in some fashion or other?

Truth is, technology is part of our daily lives, and “Dear John” letters sent via email are part of our routine now, as well. Of course, it’s always better to deliver the bad news in person instead of carefully crafting that vague paragraph about how you don’t click anymore, or how you need to take a break from the relationship, or how you need some me-time to figure out exactly what you want (which obviously isn’t the person you’re dating). But is throwing in the romantic towel over a Facebook private message or your gmail account ever a good choice? Hmm … now that’s a good question.

What if you’ve only been on a few dates with the person? Then maybe, sure, why not send a polite but direct email to that casual acquaintance stating that your time together was fun but that you’re looking for something different? But what if you’ve been dating for weeks or even a few months and the other person doesn’t suspect anything is wrong with the way things are progressing? How can we legitimize a breakup email with someone who’s earned the right to a conversation? Plus, have you ever heard a story that begins with he broke up with me over email … and ends with … but we’re still really good friends? At least I haven’t. Odds are you’ll hear a better story about someone buying the best sushi they’ve ever tasted from a gas station freezer. In other words, not good.

However, email might be the right choice to segue into the breakup convo you want to have. What’s wrong with an email that simply states, we need to talk? It could be a convenient prep for the big discussion, deflating some of the heated drama beforehand. Still, though, an email or even a text message that hints at an impending doom could get you in some serious hot water. Think of the rumors about you that could spread around town or over the Internet:

He doesn’t have the balls to call it quits to my face.

My ex couldn’t even do me the dignity of discussing the breakup like adults.

Who would want to date a person who can’t communicate in person but only by Facebook chat?

Let’s not forget about the option to reply either. You press that “Send” button, and you’re essentially inviting that person to respond with the full blast of their emotions, detailing all the situations and reactions that proved exactly how bad a girlfriend or boyfriend you were, be them truthful or distorted. At that point, all you can do is take the abuse and repeat how over the relationship you truly are (if you respond at all, which is yet another even greyer area than sending the email in the first place).

When It Can Be OK to Breakup Over Email

Look, breaking up is always hard to do, especially when you still care about the person with whom you’re cutting ties. But remember that only you know whether an email is appropriate or not (although it helps to get the opinion of a third party). A brief email with a few reasons for the breakup may actually be your best chance to come away relatively unscathed, should you venture down the cyber-path to relationship freedom.

Bear in mind that there are always extenuating circumstances. Maybe your better half cheated on you, and you don’t particularly want to make a scene in a public place. Maybe you cheated on them, and every time you open your mouth to tell them, something completely different comes out. Maybe your band is leaving on tour and you don’t think you can be faithful to a person you’ve only been seeing for two months. (An email breakup from a musician may be sleazy but realistic!) All in all, better judgment and common sense will save you from hurting your partner in the long run, and you may need to use email as a last resort given your situation.

Only one thing’s for certain: in-person breakups are always acceptable when handled with maturity and grace, but most (if not all) emails raise serious questions that may instigate tears, anger, fury, hope and who knows what else. Good or bad choice? Just remember that emails don’t absolve you, and they could cost you more time and emotional stress in the long run. A conversation may last a few hours at most, but at least you walk away clean, whereas pressing “send” may open the doorway to a barrage of responses and rumors that may irrevocably tarnish your dating reputation for months afterwards (if not longer, especially if you travel in similar circles).

The act of breaking up with your significant other over email isn’t exactly regarded with the most enthusiasm nowadays. In fact, the breakup email is often seen as cowardly and even insulting, loaded with all the cold professionalism and biting brevity of a resignation letter. It’s as if the heartbroken recipient is a subscriber to […]

The act of breaking up with your significant other over email isn’t exactly regarded with the most enthusiasm nowadays. In fact, the breakup email is often seen as cowardly and even insulting, loaded with all the cold professionalism and biting brevity of a resignation letter. It’s as if the heartbroken recipient is a subscriber to a love newsletter, and you’ve decided to inform them that you’ll no longer be providing your service. That’s just extremely bad form, and who can blame the heartbroken for retaliating in some fashion or other?

Truth is, technology is part of our daily lives, and “Dear John” letters sent via email are part of our routine now, as well. Of course, it’s always better to deliver the bad news in person instead of carefully crafting that vague paragraph about how you don’t click anymore, or how you need to take a break from the relationship, or how you need some me-time to figure out exactly what you want (which obviously isn’t the person you’re dating). But is throwing in the romantic towel over a Facebook private message or your gmail account ever a good choice? Hmm … now that’s a good question.

What if you’ve only been on a few dates with the person? Then maybe, sure, why not send a polite but direct email to that casual acquaintance stating that your time together was fun but that you’re looking for something different? But what if you’ve been dating for weeks or even a few months and the other person doesn’t suspect anything is wrong with the way things are progressing? How can we legitimize a breakup email with someone who’s earned the right to a conversation? Plus, have you ever heard a story that begins with he broke up with me over email … and ends with … but we’re still really good friends? At least I haven’t. Odds are you’ll hear a better story about someone buying the best sushi they’ve ever tasted from a gas station freezer. In other words, not good.

However, email might be the right choice to segue into the breakup convo you want to have. What’s wrong with an email that simply states, we need to talk? It could be a convenient prep for the big discussion, deflating some of the heated drama beforehand. Still, though, an email or even a text message that hints at an impending doom could get you in some serious hot water. Think of the rumors about you that could spread around town or over the Internet:

He doesn’t have the balls to call it quits to my face.

My ex couldn’t even do me the dignity of discussing the breakup like adults.

Who would want to date a person who can’t communicate in person but only by Facebook chat?

Let’s not forget about the option to reply either. You press that “Send” button, and you’re essentially inviting that person to respond with the full blast of their emotions, detailing all the situations and reactions that proved exactly how bad a girlfriend or boyfriend you were, be them truthful or distorted. At that point, all you can do is take the abuse and repeat how over the relationship you truly are (if you respond at all, which is yet another even greyer area than sending the email in the first place).

When It Can Be OK to Breakup Over Email

Look, breaking up is always hard to do, especially when you still care about the person with whom you’re cutting ties. But remember that only you know whether an email is appropriate or not (although it helps to get the opinion of a third party). A brief email with a few reasons for the breakup may actually be your best chance to come away relatively unscathed, should you venture down the cyber-path to relationship freedom.

Bear in mind that there are always extenuating circumstances. Maybe your better half cheated on you, and you don’t particularly want to make a scene in a public place. Maybe you cheated on them, and every time you open your mouth to tell them, something completely different comes out. Maybe your band is leaving on tour and you don’t think you can be faithful to a person you’ve only been seeing for two months. (An email breakup from a musician may be sleazy but realistic!) All in all, better judgment and common sense will save you from hurting your partner in the long run, and you may need to use email as a last resort given your situation.

Only one thing’s for certain: in-person breakups are always acceptable when handled with maturity and grace, but most (if not all) emails raise serious questions that may instigate tears, anger, fury, hope and who knows what else. Good or bad choice? Just remember that emails don’t absolve you, and they could cost you more time and emotional stress in the long run. A conversation may last a few hours at most, but at least you walk away clean, whereas pressing “send” may open the doorway to a barrage of responses and rumors that may irrevocably tarnish your dating reputation for months afterwards (if not longer, especially if you travel in similar circles).

All my husband ever wanted was a threesome. A threesome between him, me and sports. So he sports-seduced me. That is, he launched a very deliberate, very strategic and very stealth campaign to lure me in to the cozy folds of sports fandom. He convinced a woman who did not care about sports to care. […]

All my husband ever wanted was a threesome. A threesome between him, me and sports.

So he sports-seduced me. That is, he launched a very deliberate, very strategic and very stealth campaign to lure me in to the cozy folds of sports fandom.

He convinced a woman who did not care about sports to care.

Let me say right off that I am not and have never been one of those naggy shrew types who harasses her man for watching sports with his friends instead of coming along to browse housewares. I despise that crap and honestly have no interest whatsoever in impeding my man’s love of sport, which I actually consider to be a dear and defining part of him. No, in our case, the problem was that he was always trying to rope me in and get me to participate in stuff — and I was always rebuffing these advances.

A typical scene

Him: C’mere, check out this replay of words words words, words that I don’t fully understand.

Me: Oh, no thanks.

Him: But it’s Tom Brady.

Me: I’m reading Vanity Fair.

Him: It’s an eight second clip.

Me: Jesus. As if I’m Alyssa Milano! [storms off]

FIN

It wasn’t that I hated sports — it was more that they were just invisible to me. And I was fine with that. I had a lovely, full life without sports being in it. So I was irked by my husband’s attempt to change me.

But he will say that he wasn’t, exactly, trying to change me. He just wanted sports to be on my radar. As he saw it, I should be a sports fan, as I naturally possess some of the key ingredients: I’m from sports-hyper Boston, I grew up in a sports-loving home, and also, I’m alarmingly competitive — as anyone who has ever bowled with me or played me in Settlers of Catan knows. He felt that if only I’d give it all a chance, sports would enrich my life.

It’s actually kind of sweet when you think about it.

So, The Seduction. The scheme unfurled slowly, bit by tiny bit, over the course of an entire year. At every stage of the plan, my husband was powerfully decisive yet perfectly gentle — though of course at the time I didn’t even know I was a target. Key to his M.O.: he would open my eyes to the world of sports on my terms.

By the time summer and the Celtics/Lakers NBA championship series came around, I was ricocheting off the walls with unbridled crazypants mania. I could barely function, so brimming with berserk anticipation was I for each game. More than one post-get-together car ride was spent with me railing loudly and indignantly against people I deemed too unfocused and chatty to properly watch games with. I started watching SportsCenter. By myself.

It was around this time that my husband realized the seduction had succeeded. It had succeeded exactly as he’d planned.

(Please understand that to this day, on the Me – sports groupie Alyssa Milano continuum, I’m still closer to me. Like, I don’t blog about sports. I don’t care to grasp the meaning of WHIP or OBP. I am still and will always be creeped out by fans in body paint, and please God help me if I ever don a mesh jersey for Monday Night Football. But I now have my teams, my guys that I’m tight with. I am devoted to those teams, those guys. Plus now there’s one more thing my husband and I can do together.)

Sports-seduction. That’s what I’m saying. And you, too, can master the art. You can even start this week with the NCAA Tournament, a thing that I now know exists. Below are my suggestions for some essential moves for your sports seduction playbook.

Play It Cool

Above all else, your lady cannot know she is a target. Sports-seduction takes time. And effort. But all your strategy and cunning must be invisible. So be smooth. Be subtle. Use a delicate touch. Every invitation and comment you utter should be given in a manner that exudes EXTREME BREEZINESS, as if you do not desire a thing from your lady.

Appeal To Her Penchant For Lifetime Network-Esque Storylines

Eventually your lady will see the compelling drama inherent to sports, but at this stage, you just need a hook, and this hook is the athletes’ personal lives. Yes, it’s a stereotype, but it’s the true kind of stereotype. As long as she is a non-robot, chances are your lady will find hauntingly irresistible any athlete who has been through hardship, be it illness, injury, familial strife or whathaveyou. Some examples:

A) Let’s say Jon Lester is on the mound. Pause the DVR and call your lady into the room. “This fresh-faced young buck threw the 18th no-hitter in Red Sox history,” you might say by means of introduction. Probably your lady will nod politely and try to leave. Here’s where you casually drop a bomb. “He did it 20 months after being diagnosed with cancer.” Wha?! Bomb. Don’t be surprised if your lady lingers. Don’t be surprised if she has questions re: Lester. She may even try to sit down with you and watch this poised, cancer-free phenom throw balls. But do not engage. Instead, promptly and politely send her back to whatever it was she was doing. “OK, thanks,” you can say. “That’s all I wanted to show you.”

B) Perhaps your lady is nearby when the NBA’s Leon Powe appears on your TV screen. You can say — as if to self, yet audibly — something like, “Hard to believe his childhood home burned to the ground and then his family was homeless for years and then he and his eleventy-nine siblings went to foster care where they basically raised themselves with teenage Leon as the father figure.” Bomb! Then change subjects.

There is truly a treasure trove of material at your disposal. Store up these gems like the little nuggets of ammo they are and then let them fly as needed. The real heady sense of accomplishment will come later when you notice your lady browsing the interwebs for more info on these dudes. When this happens, bravo – you have succeeded in splendidly firing up her appetite.

Edible Incentives

Speaking of appetite, be aware that “Wanna watch the Celtics?” sounds worlds different from “Wanna order Vito’s and watch the Celtics?” I cannot stress enough the importance of getting your lady to associate sporting events with opportunities for enjoyable face feeding. One caveat: if your lady is the kind of dreary eater who doesn’t get jazzed about real food and only eats low-cal items wrapped in lettuce cups, this won’t fly.

Make Her Weep

Encourage your lady to witness scenes of pure, ebullient, life-affirming emotion. For instance: 1) The NCAA’s “One Shining Moment” montage, which she will find schmaltzy, yes, but also totally blood-pumping and life affirming in a St. Elmo’s Fire theme song kind of way. 2) The highly exhilarating post-game group-hugging-hopping thing that baseball teams like to do.

Know When To Conceal And When To Reveal

Remember that while you are revealing a lot of stuff about the sports world for your lady, you must also decide which dumb and lame aspects of it you are going to conceal from her, lest their dumbness and lameness undermine your overall mission. Ideas of things to hide: Ben Roethlisberger, Big Baby Davis interviews, steroid chatter, Mike Krzyzewski’s voice, anything golf-related.

Get On The Gus Bus

Does your lady enjoy happiness? Expose her to Gus Johnson screaming his spaztastic sportscaster head off. March Madness is a good time for this. There are few things on earth more glee-inducing than Gus screeching insanities like “HE’S IN SHAPE!” and “HERE COMES THE PAIN!” and “THE SLIPPER STILL FITS!”– things that I don’t even know what they mean but I like them.

Highlight Smarts

Your lady might think that pro sports are populated by dumb jocks. OK. But there are also intelligent athletes out there whose brainpower your lady will totally respect. So find opportunities to discuss with her the specific skills involved in playing different positions as organically as possible. I remember that a week or so before Super Bowl, I admitted to my husband that I still didn’t really “get” what Tom Brady “did” — other than make babies with pretty longhaired girls and wear terrific blazers for GQ. So we ran a few plays in the living room, sketched a few diagrams on a legal pad (see below), and, for the first time ever, I had something concrete to wrap my head around. And it blew my mind, realizing just how many different kinds of physical and mental intelligence are required for that job. Now I think QBs should qualify for MacArthur genius awards. The good ones, anyway.

Throw Her A Bone

There is a certain usefulness to watching figure skating and So You Think You Can Dance with your lady in an enthusiastic manner when she asks.

All my husband ever wanted was a threesome. A threesome between him, me and sports. So he sports-seduced me. That is, he launched a very deliberate, very strategic and very stealth campaign to lure me in to the cozy folds of sports fandom. He convinced a woman who did not care about sports to care. […]

All my husband ever wanted was a threesome. A threesome between him, me and sports.

So he sports-seduced me. That is, he launched a very deliberate, very strategic and very stealth campaign to lure me in to the cozy folds of sports fandom.

He convinced a woman who did not care about sports to care.

Let me say right off that I am not and have never been one of those naggy shrew types who harasses her man for watching sports with his friends instead of coming along to browse housewares. I despise that crap and honestly have no interest whatsoever in impeding my man’s love of sport, which I actually consider to be a dear and defining part of him. No, in our case, the problem was that he was always trying to rope me in and get me to participate in stuff — and I was always rebuffing these advances.

A typical scene

Him: C’mere, check out this replay of words words words, words that I don’t fully understand.

Me: Oh, no thanks.

Him: But it’s Tom Brady.

Me: I’m reading Vanity Fair.

Him: It’s an eight second clip.

Me: Jesus. As if I’m Alyssa Milano! [storms off]

FIN

It wasn’t that I hated sports — it was more that they were just invisible to me. And I was fine with that. I had a lovely, full life without sports being in it. So I was irked by my husband’s attempt to change me.

But he will say that he wasn’t, exactly, trying to change me. He just wanted sports to be on my radar. As he saw it, I should be a sports fan, as I naturally possess some of the key ingredients: I’m from sports-hyper Boston, I grew up in a sports-loving home, and also, I’m alarmingly competitive — as anyone who has ever bowled with me or played me in Settlers of Catan knows. He felt that if only I’d give it all a chance, sports would enrich my life.

It’s actually kind of sweet when you think about it.

So, The Seduction. The scheme unfurled slowly, bit by tiny bit, over the course of an entire year. At every stage of the plan, my husband was powerfully decisive yet perfectly gentle — though of course at the time I didn’t even know I was a target. Key to his M.O.: he would open my eyes to the world of sports on my terms.

By the time summer and the Celtics/Lakers NBA championship series came around, I was ricocheting off the walls with unbridled crazypants mania. I could barely function, so brimming with berserk anticipation was I for each game. More than one post-get-together car ride was spent with me railing loudly and indignantly against people I deemed too unfocused and chatty to properly watch games with. I started watching SportsCenter. By myself.

It was around this time that my husband realized the seduction had succeeded. It had succeeded exactly as he’d planned.

(Please understand that to this day, on the Me – sports groupie Alyssa Milano continuum, I’m still closer to me. Like, I don’t blog about sports. I don’t care to grasp the meaning of WHIP or OBP. I am still and will always be creeped out by fans in body paint, and please God help me if I ever don a mesh jersey for Monday Night Football. But I now have my teams, my guys that I’m tight with. I am devoted to those teams, those guys. Plus now there’s one more thing my husband and I can do together.)

Sports-seduction. That’s what I’m saying. And you, too, can master the art. You can even start this week with the NCAA Tournament, a thing that I now know exists. Below are my suggestions for some essential moves for your sports seduction playbook.

Play It Cool

Above all else, your lady cannot know she is a target. Sports-seduction takes time. And effort. But all your strategy and cunning must be invisible. So be smooth. Be subtle. Use a delicate touch. Every invitation and comment you utter should be given in a manner that exudes EXTREME BREEZINESS, as if you do not desire a thing from your lady.

Appeal To Her Penchant For Lifetime Network-Esque Storylines

Eventually your lady will see the compelling drama inherent to sports, but at this stage, you just need a hook, and this hook is the athletes’ personal lives. Yes, it’s a stereotype, but it’s the true kind of stereotype. As long as she is a non-robot, chances are your lady will find hauntingly irresistible any athlete who has been through hardship, be it illness, injury, familial strife or whathaveyou. Some examples:

A) Let’s say Jon Lester is on the mound. Pause the DVR and call your lady into the room. “This fresh-faced young buck threw the 18th no-hitter in Red Sox history,” you might say by means of introduction. Probably your lady will nod politely and try to leave. Here’s where you casually drop a bomb. “He did it 20 months after being diagnosed with cancer.” Wha?! Bomb. Don’t be surprised if your lady lingers. Don’t be surprised if she has questions re: Lester. She may even try to sit down with you and watch this poised, cancer-free phenom throw balls. But do not engage. Instead, promptly and politely send her back to whatever it was she was doing. “OK, thanks,” you can say. “That’s all I wanted to show you.”

B) Perhaps your lady is nearby when the NBA’s Leon Powe appears on your TV screen. You can say — as if to self, yet audibly — something like, “Hard to believe his childhood home burned to the ground and then his family was homeless for years and then he and his eleventy-nine siblings went to foster care where they basically raised themselves with teenage Leon as the father figure.” Bomb! Then change subjects.

There is truly a treasure trove of material at your disposal. Store up these gems like the little nuggets of ammo they are and then let them fly as needed. The real heady sense of accomplishment will come later when you notice your lady browsing the interwebs for more info on these dudes. When this happens, bravo – you have succeeded in splendidly firing up her appetite.

Edible Incentives

Speaking of appetite, be aware that “Wanna watch the Celtics?” sounds worlds different from “Wanna order Vito’s and watch the Celtics?” I cannot stress enough the importance of getting your lady to associate sporting events with opportunities for enjoyable face feeding. One caveat: if your lady is the kind of dreary eater who doesn’t get jazzed about real food and only eats low-cal items wrapped in lettuce cups, this won’t fly.

Make Her Weep

Encourage your lady to witness scenes of pure, ebullient, life-affirming emotion. For instance: 1) The NCAA’s “One Shining Moment” montage, which she will find schmaltzy, yes, but also totally blood-pumping and life affirming in a St. Elmo’s Fire theme song kind of way. 2) The highly exhilarating post-game group-hugging-hopping thing that baseball teams like to do.

Know When To Conceal And When To Reveal

Remember that while you are revealing a lot of stuff about the sports world for your lady, you must also decide which dumb and lame aspects of it you are going to conceal from her, lest their dumbness and lameness undermine your overall mission. Ideas of things to hide: Ben Roethlisberger, Big Baby Davis interviews, steroid chatter, Mike Krzyzewski’s voice, anything golf-related.

Get On The Gus Bus

Does your lady enjoy happiness? Expose her to Gus Johnson screaming his spaztastic sportscaster head off. March Madness is a good time for this. There are few things on earth more glee-inducing than Gus screeching insanities like “HE’S IN SHAPE!” and “HERE COMES THE PAIN!” and “THE SLIPPER STILL FITS!”– things that I don’t even know what they mean but I like them.

Highlight Smarts

Your lady might think that pro sports are populated by dumb jocks. OK. But there are also intelligent athletes out there whose brainpower your lady will totally respect. So find opportunities to discuss with her the specific skills involved in playing different positions as organically as possible. I remember that a week or so before Super Bowl, I admitted to my husband that I still didn’t really “get” what Tom Brady “did” — other than make babies with pretty longhaired girls and wear terrific blazers for GQ. So we ran a few plays in the living room, sketched a few diagrams on a legal pad (see below), and, for the first time ever, I had something concrete to wrap my head around. And it blew my mind, realizing just how many different kinds of physical and mental intelligence are required for that job. Now I think QBs should qualify for MacArthur genius awards. The good ones, anyway.

Throw Her A Bone

There is a certain usefulness to watching figure skating and So You Think You Can Dance with your lady in an enthusiastic manner when she asks.

If you’ve ever been to a park or walked along a busy city street, you’ve probably noticed that girls will always stop for a cute dog or puppy. You may have thought to yourself, “Hmm, if I had a cute puppy, I’d probably meet more women…” And you’d be right. It may sound cliché, but […]

If you’ve ever been to a park or walked along a busy city street, you’ve probably noticed that girls will always stop for a cute dog or puppy. You may have thought to yourself, “Hmm, if I had a cute puppy, I’d probably meet more women…” And you’d be right. It may sound cliché, but I’m telling you, it works.

Of course you don’t want to be outwardly obvious about your intentions, but a sweet, big-eyed puppy is a great way to get a girl’s attention. Especially if you’re more Steve Buscemi than George Clooney. Plus it shows you are capable of nurturing and caring about something other than yourself. And that you have a sensitive side, when you lean down and look into its eyes and scratch its ears… Awwww…

Now you may be asking yourself, “How do I know which cute dog to choose?” Well, my friend, that’s an important question, because which dog you run with says a lot about you to the opposite sex. So to help you make the right choice, here are the top 5 puppy breeds women just can’t resist, and what they tell her about you:

Rhodesian Ridgeback:

Kind of like a perfect hybrid between Marmaduke, a Greyhound and a Pitbull. So cute and wubbly-bubbly as puppies, these bad boys grow into well muscled, lean hunting machines with friendly faces. They used to use these guys to hunt lions and big game in Africa. Major man credit there.

What it Tells the Ladies:You’re classy. Look at those sleek lines. Plus they are priced in the mid to high ($800-$1500) price range for a certified health checked puppy.

You have a discerning sense of taste. Not many people have this breed, and their smooth short coat, with their distinct raised back fur, makes them stand out to the average observer.

You like to go out and have fun. These are really high energy dogs. They are great running companions. (Just make sure you can keep up with them.)

Golden Retriever:

If you’ve seen Full House then you’ve seen this little yellow lightning bolt shooting around the screen. He’s the most lovable of all breeds. Friendly, glowing, and loyal.

What it Tells the Ladies:You’re loyal and dependable. This breed is instilled in our psyche as the American Hero of Dogs. Screw Lassie, we all love our blonds, even in dog form.

You make good family man material. Not that you particularly want that yourself, but whatever gets her interested in you and thinking “make babies”… know what I’m sayin?

Wiener Dog:

You’re going for the cute angle here. Some girls go wild for their odd tube shape and stubby little legs. Put em in a sweater or a silly costume, and all hell breaks loose.

What it Tells the Ladies:You have a sense of humor. You can pull off being ironic and carry around a living phallus and keep a straight face about it.

You’re the protective type. These are tiny dogs, and you the big burly man, are its caregiver.

You’re an independent kind of guy. You are obviously not worried about what other people may think (hello, your dog is wearing a pink sweater vest). You like what you like, and march to the beat of your own drum with this oddball breed.

Labrador Retriever:

One of America’s favorite breeds, and for good reason. They start out as perhaps the cutest puppy you’ve ever seen, and grow into a solid dog capable of a variety of tasks. From bird hunting to police work, they do it all and are fairly easy to train. They also are incredibly loyal, easy going and have a great personality – what every girl wants.

What it Tells the Ladies:You’re a classic. This breed has been around for a long time. They are tried and true. Many girls will not only find these puppies adorable but they will revel in the fact that you have sound judgment.

You have a great personality. These dogs are affectionate and loyal. It is very common to see them traveling with their owners, riding in the passengers seat and seemingly attached by an invisible leash. This type of bond between man and man’s best friend is irresistible to a lady because it subconsciously tells her that you are dedicated and will not stray.

Mutt:

You don’t know what kind of sick inter-species interbreeding orgy this thing came out of, but its got two eyes, mostly four legs and it’s kinda cute/creepy/ugly all at the same time. But you picked it out of a gutter as a puppy and raised it to health by feeding it from a tiny milk bottle and singing it lullabies all night… “Whoa, excuse me miss, why are you ripping my shirt off?” As always, puppies have extra cred, however even full grown mutts exude the same magnetism. Just have that awesome rescue story ready when she stops.

What it Tells the Ladies:You’re a White Knight. Nothing is more attractive than a man with a nurturing side. Pick a cute mutt and your chances of scoring increase. In the end you’re actually doing a good deed, preventing one more poor innocent soul from meeting Mr. Sleepy Needle.

You’re more focused on what’s inside and looks don’t mean everything to you. A complete lie but hey, if it helps your chances…

There ya go buddy, all the inside information on how to pick up chicks with your new pup. Happy hunting!

If you’ve ever been to a park or walked along a busy city street, you’ve probably noticed that girls will always stop for a cute dog or puppy. You may have thought to yourself, “Hmm, if I had a cute puppy, I’d probably meet more women…” And you’d be right. It may sound cliché, but […]

If you’ve ever been to a park or walked along a busy city street, you’ve probably noticed that girls will always stop for a cute dog or puppy. You may have thought to yourself, “Hmm, if I had a cute puppy, I’d probably meet more women…” And you’d be right. It may sound cliché, but I’m telling you, it works.

Of course you don’t want to be outwardly obvious about your intentions, but a sweet, big-eyed puppy is a great way to get a girl’s attention. Especially if you’re more Steve Buscemi than George Clooney. Plus it shows you are capable of nurturing and caring about something other than yourself. And that you have a sensitive side, when you lean down and look into its eyes and scratch its ears… Awwww…

Now you may be asking yourself, “How do I know which cute dog to choose?” Well, my friend, that’s an important question, because which dog you run with says a lot about you to the opposite sex. So to help you make the right choice, here are the top 5 puppy breeds women just can’t resist, and what they tell her about you:

Rhodesian Ridgeback:

Kind of like a perfect hybrid between Marmaduke, a Greyhound and a Pitbull. So cute and wubbly-bubbly as puppies, these bad boys grow into well muscled, lean hunting machines with friendly faces. They used to use these guys to hunt lions and big game in Africa. Major man credit there.

What it Tells the Ladies:You’re classy. Look at those sleek lines. Plus they are priced in the mid to high ($800-$1500) price range for a certified health checked puppy.

You have a discerning sense of taste. Not many people have this breed, and their smooth short coat, with their distinct raised back fur, makes them stand out to the average observer.

You like to go out and have fun. These are really high energy dogs. They are great running companions. (Just make sure you can keep up with them.)

Golden Retriever:

If you’ve seen Full House then you’ve seen this little yellow lightning bolt shooting around the screen. He’s the most lovable of all breeds. Friendly, glowing, and loyal.

What it Tells the Ladies:You’re loyal and dependable. This breed is instilled in our psyche as the American Hero of Dogs. Screw Lassie, we all love our blonds, even in dog form.

You make good family man material. Not that you particularly want that yourself, but whatever gets her interested in you and thinking “make babies”… know what I’m sayin?

Wiener Dog:

You’re going for the cute angle here. Some girls go wild for their odd tube shape and stubby little legs. Put em in a sweater or a silly costume, and all hell breaks loose.

What it Tells the Ladies:You have a sense of humor. You can pull off being ironic and carry around a living phallus and keep a straight face about it.

You’re the protective type. These are tiny dogs, and you the big burly man, are its caregiver.

You’re an independent kind of guy. You are obviously not worried about what other people may think (hello, your dog is wearing a pink sweater vest). You like what you like, and march to the beat of your own drum with this oddball breed.

Labrador Retriever:

One of America’s favorite breeds, and for good reason. They start out as perhaps the cutest puppy you’ve ever seen, and grow into a solid dog capable of a variety of tasks. From bird hunting to police work, they do it all and are fairly easy to train. They also are incredibly loyal, easy going and have a great personality – what every girl wants.

What it Tells the Ladies:You’re a classic. This breed has been around for a long time. They are tried and true. Many girls will not only find these puppies adorable but they will revel in the fact that you have sound judgment.

You have a great personality. These dogs are affectionate and loyal. It is very common to see them traveling with their owners, riding in the passengers seat and seemingly attached by an invisible leash. This type of bond between man and man’s best friend is irresistible to a lady because it subconsciously tells her that you are dedicated and will not stray.

Mutt:

You don’t know what kind of sick inter-species interbreeding orgy this thing came out of, but its got two eyes, mostly four legs and it’s kinda cute/creepy/ugly all at the same time. But you picked it out of a gutter as a puppy and raised it to health by feeding it from a tiny milk bottle and singing it lullabies all night… “Whoa, excuse me miss, why are you ripping my shirt off?” As always, puppies have extra cred, however even full grown mutts exude the same magnetism. Just have that awesome rescue story ready when she stops.

What it Tells the Ladies:You’re a White Knight. Nothing is more attractive than a man with a nurturing side. Pick a cute mutt and your chances of scoring increase. In the end you’re actually doing a good deed, preventing one more poor innocent soul from meeting Mr. Sleepy Needle.

You’re more focused on what’s inside and looks don’t mean everything to you. A complete lie but hey, if it helps your chances…

There ya go buddy, all the inside information on how to pick up chicks with your new pup. Happy hunting!

Being a wild card definitely has its advantages. You’ve always got an ace up your sleeve, and your lucky date never knows what to expect next – only that it’s going to be thrilling. But, it’s not easy to do. Not everybody can have the devil-may-care, let the chips fall attitude of a James Dean […]

Being a wild card definitely has its advantages. You’ve always got an ace up your sleeve, and your lucky date never knows what to expect next – only that it’s going to be thrilling. But, it’s not easy to do. Not everybody can have the devil-may-care, let the chips fall attitude of a James Dean or a Steve McQueen. But, you can.

You’re a maverick. Not an old, crusty maverick-by-default like John McCain. You’re still kicking asses, occasionally taking names, and thrilling the ladies left, right and center. Well, most of the time. But, you can only take a girl to the secret dive bar you know about so many times before it’s definitely not a secret. You need some new pages in your playbook, so when you’re looking to try out some new moves when you’re playing the field, try these tips on how to be a dating wild card.

Create Something

Like a mighty god on high, rend something from nothing with your special lady to show her that you can create where there once was nothing. Or, at the very least, go to one of those pottery classes or couples’ cooking classes. Worst case scenario is that you come out on the other end with a totally sweet ashtray that you can give to your mom. Best case, you come out with a totally sweet lady you can bring home to her. “I had a guy take me to a cocktail making class once,” said Shannon 26. “We got a little bit tipsy, and that combined with seeing his authority behind the bar definitely made me want to take him home. So, you know, I did.”

Risk Something

There are no rewards without risk. Somebody important said that, and they probably knew it takes more than a trip to Red Lobster during Lobsterfest to woo a woman of discerning tastes (Ed. Note: probably not a lot more, though, as Cheddar Bay Biscuits are a known aphrodisiac). Try risking something financial by going in together at a casino. Even if you don’t win, the thrill will charge the evening. If that’s not your style, try risking something physical. Go bungie jumping or take a trip to a gun range. The closer you get to the red line of actual danger, the more of an endorphin release you get as you retreat making you and your lady extra touchy feely.

Do Something Scary

Like go to a psychic. Or go a roller derby. Or go to a bar where nobody speaks English. The idea here is to purposefully put you and your date into a situation that neither of you is comfortable in, and hopefully, even a little scared. Why would you do that? Well, because Dr. Susan Block says it’s going to make her feel amorous.

“Halloween is almost here, so let’s consider sex and fear. Isn’t that what it’s all about? Forget the candy, the costumes. It’s the fear that captivates your soul. Fear is one of those feelings that makes you feel really alive, your heart beating like a time bomb, your temperature rising, your senses on red alert. Fear can be erotic, in part because whatever we fear, it all springs from fear of the unknown. And the unknown, uncharted territory is one of life’s great aphrodisiacs.”

Plan Something Unplanned

Dating is a lot like a Choose Your Own Adventure novel. You’ve got to be constantly thinking about your next move – prepared for things that are nigh unpreparable (?) for. Use your iPhone for this. Use a combination of the Axe Roulette dare application, Yelp, and – when you’re on the fly – Google Goggles to constantly be evaluating your options as you progress through the date. There’s no doubt that a midnight walk down the beach is a solid plan A. But, when you walk by a new sushi place so underground it doesn’t even have a name and see the chef using a full size sword to make salmon sashimi, you’ve got to be able to roll (get it?!) with that.

Make/Break a Rule

Dating is a little like a game in a lot of ways. There are certain rules that basically everybody abides by – the guy at least offers to pay, (usually) no sex on the first date, no dating your friends’ exes, etc. But, there are smaller rules that are meant to be broken. The cliche move that might have worked once in the late 70s is to say, “let’s kiss at the beginning of the date and get the awkwardness out of the way.” Right idea, but the wrong execution. Try a few of these, or better, make up your own brand of romantic japery you creative cocksman, you! 1) No first names. Just pet names. 2) No bragging; you can only say negative things about yourself. 3) You must use the word ostrich at least once every half hour.

Being a wild card definitely has its advantages. You’ve always got an ace up your sleeve, and your lucky date never knows what to expect next – only that it’s going to be thrilling. But, it’s not easy to do. Not everybody can have the devil-may-care, let the chips fall attitude of a James Dean […]

Being a wild card definitely has its advantages. You’ve always got an ace up your sleeve, and your lucky date never knows what to expect next – only that it’s going to be thrilling. But, it’s not easy to do. Not everybody can have the devil-may-care, let the chips fall attitude of a James Dean or a Steve McQueen. But, you can.

You’re a maverick. Not an old, crusty maverick-by-default like John McCain. You’re still kicking asses, occasionally taking names, and thrilling the ladies left, right and center. Well, most of the time. But, you can only take a girl to the secret dive bar you know about so many times before it’s definitely not a secret. You need some new pages in your playbook, so when you’re looking to try out some new moves when you’re playing the field, try these tips on how to be a dating wild card.

Create Something

Like a mighty god on high, rend something from nothing with your special lady to show her that you can create where there once was nothing. Or, at the very least, go to one of those pottery classes or couples’ cooking classes. Worst case scenario is that you come out on the other end with a totally sweet ashtray that you can give to your mom. Best case, you come out with a totally sweet lady you can bring home to her. “I had a guy take me to a cocktail making class once,” said Shannon 26. “We got a little bit tipsy, and that combined with seeing his authority behind the bar definitely made me want to take him home. So, you know, I did.”

Risk Something

There are no rewards without risk. Somebody important said that, and they probably knew it takes more than a trip to Red Lobster during Lobsterfest to woo a woman of discerning tastes (Ed. Note: probably not a lot more, though, as Cheddar Bay Biscuits are a known aphrodisiac). Try risking something financial by going in together at a casino. Even if you don’t win, the thrill will charge the evening. If that’s not your style, try risking something physical. Go bungie jumping or take a trip to a gun range. The closer you get to the red line of actual danger, the more of an endorphin release you get as you retreat making you and your lady extra touchy feely.

Do Something Scary

Like go to a psychic. Or go a roller derby. Or go to a bar where nobody speaks English. The idea here is to purposefully put you and your date into a situation that neither of you is comfortable in, and hopefully, even a little scared. Why would you do that? Well, because Dr. Susan Block says it’s going to make her feel amorous.

“Halloween is almost here, so let’s consider sex and fear. Isn’t that what it’s all about? Forget the candy, the costumes. It’s the fear that captivates your soul. Fear is one of those feelings that makes you feel really alive, your heart beating like a time bomb, your temperature rising, your senses on red alert. Fear can be erotic, in part because whatever we fear, it all springs from fear of the unknown. And the unknown, uncharted territory is one of life’s great aphrodisiacs.”

Plan Something Unplanned

Dating is a lot like a Choose Your Own Adventure novel. You’ve got to be constantly thinking about your next move – prepared for things that are nigh unpreparable (?) for. Use your iPhone for this. Use a combination of the Axe Roulette dare application, Yelp, and – when you’re on the fly – Google Goggles to constantly be evaluating your options as you progress through the date. There’s no doubt that a midnight walk down the beach is a solid plan A. But, when you walk by a new sushi place so underground it doesn’t even have a name and see the chef using a full size sword to make salmon sashimi, you’ve got to be able to roll (get it?!) with that.

Make/Break a Rule

Dating is a little like a game in a lot of ways. There are certain rules that basically everybody abides by – the guy at least offers to pay, (usually) no sex on the first date, no dating your friends’ exes, etc. But, there are smaller rules that are meant to be broken. The cliche move that might have worked once in the late 70s is to say, “let’s kiss at the beginning of the date and get the awkwardness out of the way.” Right idea, but the wrong execution. Try a few of these, or better, make up your own brand of romantic japery you creative cocksman, you! 1) No first names. Just pet names. 2) No bragging; you can only say negative things about yourself. 3) You must use the word ostrich at least once every half hour.