Category — Etiquette & Bathroom Fun

What do you get when you mount some Windows 7 powered tables above urinals? A pee powered collection of video games for guys that get bored really easily. My first thought when I saw this was: Hang on, other guys are going to touch their junk, then touch the screen, and them I’m supposed to touch the screen? Why don’t I just go ahead and touch their junk directly?

The good news is that you don’t appear to need to touch the screen to play, as it automatically senses your activity. Still, I spotted a screen with high scores – how did those get in here?

I was performing a #1 today when an individual in a stall adjacent to me started performing a #2. Loudly, grossly, and from what I could tell rather moistly. Yuck. My first instinct was repulsion, followed by a general disappointment about the sad state of bathroom etiquette I was experiencing first hand.

Then it hit me – this isn’t something that was being done on purpose (at least I hope not). Etiquette is a complicated beast. The whole philosophy of etiquette is to be aware of others and to act in a way as to minimize or eliminate your negative impact on other people whenever possible. Those last two words are very important and bear repeating:

whenever possible

Etiquette is about doing your best when you can, and in this context not being gross when you can afford not to be gross, but sometimes grossness is a necessity.

Peeing all over the seat and not wiping it up is gross. It’s bad etiquette because you can and should clean it up.

Not flushing the toilet is gross. It’s bad etiquette because you can and should flush the toilet.

Taking a noisy poop is gross. It’s not bad etiquette if you can’t avoid it, and let’s face it – sometimes you can’t.

So Dr. and Mrs. ICBE spent 24 hours without ICBE Jrs #1 and #2 this past weekend, and had the pleasure of spending it at the Four Seasons Residence Club, Aviara. I am not one for meritless praise but quite frankly the Four Seasons really kicked ass – except for the toilet paper.

All that stuff did was scratch my ass. Seriously, why would a luxury hotel chain stock bathrooms with the cheapest possible one-ply toilet paper they could find? Look how thin this stuff is…

Not sure how that stuff got past QC, but it really stuck out as a glaring flaw in an otherwise lovely stay.

The sign was placed above the toilet – there was a urinal on the adjacent wall. My first instinct was that they were simply reminding people to aim carefully (in the urinal as opposed to on the floor), but on reflection I realized this was specifically directed at convincing men to use the urinal rather than the toilet.

I’ve got to say, when performing a #1 I’m a fan of urinals over toilets for a couple of reasons:

Easier to aim properly

Less water usage

Cleaner and more environmentally sound – got to agree with the sign on this one!

Tonight I decided to have some fun and make a short educational video about personal space and urinal etiquette. As you will see for yourself, while the video quality isn’t superb the content is rather fantastic.

One of the wonderful things about having children is throwing all of your rules of bathroom etiquette out the window. Take talking in the bathroom for instance. When you enter a public bathroom with a 4 year old, it’s all “don’t touch the toilet” and “wash your hands” and “please pull your pants up“, words that simply should never be uttered in strictly adult company.

Well the other day ICBE Jr and I were dining at a restaurant when I accompanied him to the bathroom. It was the standard set of 3 urinals, and he took the kiddie-sized one on the left.

I went ahead and took the middle urinal.

*gasp*

I’m going to go ahead and repeat myself here – I took the middle urinal. Now on the one hand that was a grievous breach of bathroom etiquette. On the other hand, what I didn’t want to happen was to take the urinal on the right, and then have a third party enter and occupy a urinal between me and ICBE Jr. Much like in politics, etiquette is often about the lesser of evils.

My most formative memories of my childhood all involve the bathroom. One time, during intermission at a hockey game, I was faced with two tasks:

Get food from the concession

Go to the bathroom

In my current wisdom and experience I know that there is right and a wrong order in which to perform these tasks, but at the time I wasn’t so knowledgeable. So I got my food. Then I took my food into the bathroom with me – as I recall it was a hamburger wrapped in a foil sack which I placed in my pocket – and went pee.

My parents spotted me after I did my business, and made the connection that I had just strolled into a public bathroom with food. They were less than impressed, and I hadn’t even taken my burger out of its wrapper.

Food and bathrooms don’t mix. It’s not just the ick factor either, with all the flushing that goes on germ-laden droplets are constantly quite literally whizzing (ha!) through the air. So I was more than a little disturbed to hear the following tale over at Eatocracy:

The intern with the shaved head was on her phone in the bathroom again. She seemed to regard the third floor ladies room at our office as her personal rec room which was…fine, if somewhat unnervingly intimate on occasion. I realized, though, that I’d severely, thoroughly, grossly underestimated her level of one-ness with these particular environment on the day several years ago when I saw her emerge from a stall, eating cereal. From a bowl. With milk.

Yuck! It’s not just wrapped food. It’s food that’s open to the disgusting environment of the public bathroom. And it’s not just open food, it’s open food that’s actively being consumed.

Eating is the opposite of what bathrooms are for. Don’t eat in the bathroom.