The regular season episodes "Real Housewives of New Jersey" are insulting enough to our intelligence; the outtakes should be slapped with a Surgeon General's warning. So with the utmost respect for our remaining brain cells, let's keep this brief.

Meta-commentary on "Real Housewives," take one:Milania Giudice claims she's being bullied because one of her friends "always blames stuff on me."

Meta-commentary on "Real Housewives," take two: "You know what, Milania?," Teresa Giudice counsels her. "If girls are mean, then you need to stay away from them and go find other girls that are not mean."

Joe Giudice and Rosie Pierri, quiz kids: The cousins are positively sloshed when Gia Giudice starts quizzing them on homework questions. In their world, the capital of New Hampshire is Rhode Island, the planet closest to the sun is the moon, and the Grand Canyon is in Colorado, no Oregon, no Utah, no California, no Arizona! Yes, Arizona! "We were there," Joe tells Rosie. "How come we didn't see it."

Everything you ever wanted to know about Joe Giudice's digestive tract but were afraid to ask: "I used to eat so many mulberries I got diarrhea for half a day."

Number of simulated rear entries on tonight's episode: 2 (Rich Wakile and Joe Gorga, and Joe Giudice and Teresa Giudice)

Most pointless "Real Housewives" excursion, ever: The Lauritas, the Manzo kids and Rosie take a party bus to Lancaster County to pick up some camel milk. Oh my God, did I really just write that sentence? Jacqueline Laurita has read can help "recover" Nicholas. But at the farm, there's no one there but them camels. Chris Laurita finally finds a container of milk in a bucket inside an office. "God knows where it comes from," Jacqueline says. Um, camels?

Chris Manzo's Truth, part one: "No one's ever going to love me if I look like that. It looks like we're in a cult." — Chris Manzo on a recent family portrait.

Chris Manzo's Truth, part two: "If you deep-fry a pool cue, I'll eat it, and that's how I get to where I am today. I'm fat."

Most surprising moment: Joe Gorga proving he can dance as well, if not better than, Melissa. We're starting to believe that maybe he was the stripper in the family after all.

Meta-commentary on "Real Housewives, take four: "Sometimes when two people are alike, they kind of clash." — Teresa Giudice about frenemies Kim DePaola and Jennifer Dalton

The slightest of distinctions: "Kim walks her models around restaurant floors. This is a real stage." — Jennifer, comparing her charity fashion show to Kim D.'s.

Most superfluous use of chiffon: Jennifer, who is wearing a crystal-studded onesie beneath a sheer, long-sleeved black chiffon ... I believe the technical term is schmatta.

Maybe, just maybe, the very last girlfight I will have to regurgitate until next season (please Lord make it so): Kim D. criticizes Jennifer's charity event as "chaotic," to which Jennifer snaps, "Better than your party." Kim D.: "Go with your stripper outfit!" Jennifer: "Why don't you act your age, grandma?" Kim D.: "On your best day you couldn't look as good as this grandma. You are a dog. Bark, bark. Bark, bark."

Ah, but they are only getting started. "You need to maybe not give your kids away," Kim D. tells Jennifer, who points out that Kim D. dated the same guy for 20 years, but he never wanted to marry her. "I'm not desperate like you, girl," Kim D. says, "pumping out kids with all different guys and getting married."

Jennifer gives Kim D. the hand and gets up to leave, and Kim D., perhaps sensing that this tour de force could wind up on the cutting room floor, shoves Jennifer in the back. "I will (bleep) her up," Jennifer snarls. Someone, perhaps Kim D.'s self-appointed bodyguard in yellow, says, "No touching!" "Get the (bleep) out of my party," Jennifer tells Kim D. There's something about Kim having no ass, and someone having boobs, but I can't make it out. "I'm not gonna have my party end up like her disasters," Jennifer says. "This is gonna be classy, elegant."

Meta-commentary on "Real Housewives, take five: "Watching it is almost like you were watching a bad movie," Caroline Manzo says of the D-List battle. "'Bitch, bitch, cut you, kill you.' This is like, If you don't like this person, why are you here? What's the argument about? I don't even know."