go directly to jail

Poor George Zimmerman’s Wife Just Cannot Catch A Break

First George Zimmerman’s wife — uh, let’s see here, Shellie N. Zimmerman, 25 — marries George Zimmerman, who may, just may, be some sort of hyper-aggressive, rage-anoidal homicidal maniac. Then she has to go into hiding for a long time because the New Black Panther Party pretty much wants to murder everyone George Zimmerman has ever met just because he accidentally or something murdered a little boy. And THEN she goes to JAIL!

Will Shellie N. Zimmerman, 25, wife of the NRA’s favorite martyr, ever catch a break? No. She will not. Some people are just born under the kind of unlucky star that makes them lie under oath (ALLEGEDLY!) about whether or not they’ve got $135 large sewn into the lining of their Members Only jackets.

Rebecca is the owner, editrix and publisher of Wonkette. She was in newspapers for a very long time. Follow her on the Twitter. She is currently on maternity leave (until 2033), so you didn't just read this post.

I always try to find something beautiful/nice in a person's face. Pretty eyes, good nose or cheekbones, pretty smile, etc. For only being 25 yrs old, she looks haggard. It could be the stress of this bad situation, but somehow I don't think that's the case.

LetUsBray

If by "this bad situation" you mean "being married to an angry nutter like Geo. Zimmerman", then that may well be the explanation.

Negropolis

You know, I don't think she's ugly, at all. But she does have a "trailerpark chic" look about her, you know, someone you wouldn't be surprised to find cooking meth in the bathroom.

"Taped phone calls between the couple revealed that they had discussed the money transfers in code to hide the funds, according to the affidavit. The calls also showed that George Zimmerman instructed his wife to "pay off all the bills," including payments to American Express and Sam's Club. Nearly $50,000 was transferred to an account held by Zimmerman's sister."http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/story/2012-06…

scvirginia

Are you sure this photo doesn't belong with the stoners post? I'm a little confused…

I'm sorry, Rebecca, but this is far-and-away the very BEST comment on the week.

Stevola

Sarah or the daughter?

Blueb4sunrise

But Mr. Judge, I only forgot because I was high the whole time.

Hera Sent Me

Behind every stupid man is a stupid woman.

Or vice versa.

Jus_Wonderin

This reminds me of the recent anular eclipse. Just…not as bright.

glasspusher

Excellent. Two round bodies, though

Biel_ze_Bubba

You just have to multiply their IQ values … after normalizing. (100 = 1)

StarsUponThars

That photo is 100% foolproof birth control.

Biel_ze_Bubba

Nothing between the ears is almost as effective as aspirin between the knees.

lochnessmonster

But judge it was presents from the NRA not earnings!

Mittens Howell, III

Charming wife, George. Shotgun wedding?

SayItWithWookies

She's got a pretty good defense — it would go something like "Hey, your honor — I started a defense fund for a racist stalking psychopath who murdered an innocent teenager in cold blood — how the fuck was I to know it would have more than five bucks in it?"

BigSkullF*ckingDog

She has yet to stand her ground … against a donut, that is.

Ryy

It is just amazing that all the righty blogs and such that could not get enough of Zimmerman, and all their commenters who just went ballistic, all of them have been dead quiet since Zim lied and was sent back to jail.

hunnybee

not a feckin' word has been heard.

Jus_Wonderin

Stand Your Frown.

Guppy

It's the ones that smile for their mugshot that you have to worry about.

fartknocker

If her skin was a tad darker she would look like Proposition Joe from The Wire. Unlike her, Prop Joe was a cool character.

Doktor Zoom

Your Honor, it said right on the website that it was a Defense Fund, not a Bail Bond Fund. You wouldn't want us to be defraudin' our supporters, would you?

not that Radio

Would you like to see something completely unholy? Yeah, that's right. It's Orville's body with the face of Andrew Breitbart.

Is this before or after she sings, "I got plenty a nuthin/ And it's hidden right here in my clothes'"?

glasspusher

Sounds like another low budget horror film from Zims Productions. Where is Harry?

LesBontemps

Gives new meaning to "A Woman Is A Sometime Thing."

Butch_Wagstaff

I don't think Audra McDonald would win a Tony for that.
I don't even think she would take the part.
And, at this point, she doesn't have to. Thankfully.

LesBontemps

Third runner-up in the Divine look-alike contest.

Ryy

Zimmerman was just out looking for Skittles for his wife.

emmelemm

Snark meter turned low, but not entirely off:

Seriously, she MAY be a horrible human being (there's certainly evidence to suggest it), but she's not THAT ugly.

Stevola

You should get out more

Monsieur_Grumpe

Please tell me that this couple is not breeding.

TribecaMike

Just what the world needs, another reality show.

ElPinche

Looks like the plot thickens for the conservatives' darling star Zimmerman.

LesBontemps

The plot isn't the only thing that's thickened. Unless her nickname is "The Plot."

Goonemeritus

I ask you do we really want to live in a country that won’t allow you to profit from the suffering of others. Sure her partner caused the suffering but still.

Biel_ze_Bubba

Do you get the awful feeling that, at the end of the day, this pair will end up with their own reality show and/or Fucks Gnus contract, and a boatload of money from Amerikkka's more depraved media outlets?

vodkamuppet

I can't explain why but when I look at this picture all I can think of is biscuits and sausage gravy.

glasspusher

Waffle House FTW

Negropolis

Denny's libel!

tweeksmom

She looks like a pre-op Bristol Palin….

stncmchnc

Indeed, and post-op as well.

glamourdammerung

I can hardly wait to see how getting in trouble for perjury is a "liberal plot to get Zimmerman".

Callyson

Prosecutors have alleged the Zimmermans spoke in code when discussing the money in a credit union account, according to court documents filed by State Attorney Angela B. Corey.

"Honey, did you put the cake in the oven?"

Yeah, they're a match made in heaven…

HarryButtle

Ut-pay the oney-may under the atress-may.

anniegetyerfun

Woah. The misogyny is strong here today. I can feel my ovaries starting to cut themselves.

Nah we don't hate all women. Just pathologically lying ones who are married to racist rage freak murderers and continue to break the law in his defense instead of getting him to man up and take responsibility for his homicidal actions.

In context you cannot blame a Zimmerman, or the many Zimmermans that have been eaten by other Zimmermans during times of famine, or abundance.

TribecaMike

Thankfully, Bobby Zimmerman has so far managed to avoid that fate, probably because they train zombie hunters early in the Minnesota Iron Range, or at least they did back in the fifties before education budget cuts.

Exactly, how many other articles have Wonketeers had fun at the expense of someone's appearance aside from this travesty and Mema. Skoalrebel, Michelle Bachmann, Marcus Bachmann, countless others. Its not misogyny, its irreverence. We come here to snark and by no means are attacks on her attacks on women in general. If someone typed "Shes a fat beast and a whore and so are all women," that is misogyny and would be unacceptable. She, however, is someone who actively chose to do the wrong thing, to support a murderer instead of an innocent little boy, and if the worst thing that happens to her is some anonymous people on the internet call her fat then she should consider herself lucky. I don't mean to sound harsh but your concern is misplaced – she's lied about this who knows what else about that night she's lied about and as far as I'm concerned, thanks to her actions, she is nearly as complicit in that poor boys death and subsequent cover up as her homicidal husband and his scurrilous father.

anniegetyerfun

Bollocks. The criticism of this woman is aimed almost entirely at her appearance. Is she totally awesome as a human being? No. Is she a frightened idiot? Yes. Could she be a terrible, hateful racist? I don't know. I don't know what's going through her head, but people make some pretty terrible decisions when it comes to defending people that they love. She isn't an elected official and she hasn't offered much in the way of public statements (unlike Bachmann and her ilk). I'd just rather attack her actions than her face at this rate.

How is perjuring yourself in a court of law, on the public record, not a public statement?

anniegetyerfun

I mean that there is a difference between this woman and someone like Sarah Palin, who has enough money and consultants to make better decisions than to have lipliner tattooed on or to wear hideous wig pieces.And, like I said (or other have said and I have agreed with, I honestly can't remember which at this point), there is more “look at the fat cow” going on here today than “I can't believe that she did that.”Of course, I CAN believe that she did that, because otherwise normal people sometimes do horrible things to try to help people they love. She made a terrible decision, but whether she made it in desperation or simply with the heart of a terrible bigot, I will never know.

She may be an otherwise normal person, but she has inserted herself onto the wrong side of this and undoubtedly committed a crime in support of a murderer. I will reiterate, jokes are at her expense are the least of her worries; her being married to a violent psychopath should be the greatest. She is, by her own choice, now a public figure. A law abiding person would not have perpetrated the crime of perjury, and a moral person would have distanced herself from her murderous spouse. She is getting the least of what's coming to her, and hopefully her husband will get his as well. A boy is dead for the crime of walking while black, and love is not an excuse for aiding and abetting a murderer and a liar. I mean none of this disagreement personally, honestly with a fellow Wonketeer it feels like a fight between siblings, but I have no respect or compassion for this woman or anyone else related to the cover up of this or any other crime

anniegetyerfun

Yes, she appears to be a criminal. Which is the real issue here, not her face or her waistline and that's why I was surprised to see comment after comment about her appearance. It's not that we never snark on appearance here – it's just that it's not the majority of comments.

ETA: It's not a personal fight or anything. I'm just surprised by what I am reading.

I'm glad you're not taking it personally, because I love all of you guys (and gals) and thats why I come and comment here daily. What I do take personally is her tacit support of her husbands crime; having grown up in Memphis where racism is rampant and trash like this couple are the norm, her behavior is unfortunately to be expected and this is a case where a book is appropriately judged by its cover. Her and her husband's ugly and vicious personalities are expressed outwardly in their ugly and vicious appearance. I apologize on behalf of my comments and the rest of the community's if you were offended, but I feel no guilt on her behalf. Not all unattractive people are criminals, without a doubt, and humor and snark are a way for all of us to vent our disgust with the even more disgusting nature of our "Land of the free, home of the brave's" more trogolyditic denizens, instead of drowning ourselves in booze. Her husband killed a boy because of his appearance, we snark on hers. The depths of depravity to which a disconcerting amount of our populace descend bother all of us, and getting a cheap laugh is still getting a laugh instead of crying ourselves to sleep at the amorality of so much of our supposedly moral country.