2013 sees 33.5% girth increase in vinyl sales, click here to see how real men, just like you, can get similar results

Thanks to many a not-so-clever article, “Vinyl sales are up!” now ranks as one of the most over-tired and annoying phrases in contemporary music culture, right up there with “It got ‘Best New Music’ on Pitchfork” and “Do you like Mumford & Sons?” So, guess what? (Hint: here is where things start to get over-tired and annoying.) As FACT report, vinyl sales are up! Only on this occasion it may warrant taking notice, as there have been significant upticks in many crucial sales statistics. The figures tell us that vinyl sales are up 33.5% across the board so far this year, which amounts to roughly 2.9 million vinyl records sold in 2013.

So why now? For one, the latest Record Store Day was the most successful to date (thanks to everyone looking to score by increasing the size of your already massive, ribbed, and woman-satisfying record collections); and for two, 2013 has seen a fair share of both juicy reissues and critically-acclaimed major label releases. This is good news for all us vinyl junkies pathetically clinging to our fetishized lifestyles.

To close on a serious note, our prayers go out to the terminally ill CD, whose perpetually waning health has declined even further, already diminishing by 14.2% so far this year. Get well soon.