Obama condemns FreshAir for Media Ball Assange gig

Moderately popular student broadcaster FreshAir has come under angry criticism from the American government after it was revealed today that its line-up for its annual media ball next Wednesday included Edward Snowden as its honorary guest.

Snowden, who is best known for his position as rector of the University of Glasgow, recently upset many top American officials following his damning revelations of the NSA’s spying and data collection of governments and millions of citizens across the world.

Speaking to the Associated Press on Friday evening, President Obama repeated his frustrations that Fresh Air had failed to understand the seriousness of the situation: “What we are striving towards is fundamental change and reform within society, and this simply cannot be done if we are constantly undermined by the free press.”

However, Julian Assange was quick to praise FreshAir for its brave actions in open defiance of the American state: “If it wasn’t controversial, it wouldn’t be the right thing to do. However, my invitation must have been lost in the mail.” Having cost the taxpayer £100,000 from that statement alone, he promptly retreated back into his Ecuadorian hiding cave.

As of this afternoon, President Obama has rescinded his attendance on the event’s Facebook page, declaring that he wouldn’t be held to ransom by the intransigence of student media before confirming his appearance at The Big Cheese the following Saturday.

In other, vaguely related, news, the Edinburgh Napier University rugby team has been added to the United States’ list of terrorist organisations, who hope to bring down the group through a series of Tomahawk missile strikes.