If Justin Timberlake really wants to make his new wife, Jessica Biel, happy, he’ll deliver Anne Hathaway’s head on a plate this Christmas.

According to the New York Daily News, Biel is “fuming” over the fact that she has lost two plum roles to the Oscar-buzzy brunette: Catwoman in “The Dark Knight Rises” and Fantine in “Les Miserables.”

Could it be that Biel is more Lifetime movie than Cannes Film Festival?

“She may be a gorgeous girl,” says an “inside source” at the Daily News, “but her acting ability just isn’t where it needs to be. She hasn’t proven that she’s a real actor.”

Ouch.

Surely her TV work on “7th Heaven” showed her broad range of sappy boilerplate angst. The dog died in one episode, right?

Celebrity Birthdays

Actor Gbenga Akinnagbe (“The Wire”) is 34

Actress Mayim Bialik (“The Big Bang Theory”) is 38.

Actress Mädchen Amick (“Twin Peaks”) is 42.

Actress Jennifer Connelly (“Labyrinth”) is 42.

Percussionist Sheila E. is 55

Gymnast Cathy Rigby is 60.

Actor Bill Nighy (“Love Actually”) is 63.

Singer Dionne Warwick is 72.

TV host Bob Barker is 89.

“Storage Wars” cast member sues for being faked

Is “Storage Wars” fake? A lawsuit recently filed by cast member Dave Hester claims that the show is rigged.

The popular A&E reality show focuses on the subculture of unclaimed storage unit auctions. It’s sort of an “Antiques Roadshow” for the Dumpster-diving set.

According to Radar, Hester alleges that valuable items were planted to make the show more interesting, among other things, and that when he complained, he was fired.

He’s suing for “multimillions” for breach of contract and wrongful termination.

Did NY murder victim Brandon Woodard have ties to Hollywood?

New York was shocked to witness the seemingly professional hit-style execution of a young law student when it was caught on surveillance tape.

The assassin strolled up behind Brandon Woodard, 31, on a Manhattan street on Monday and delivered one bullet to the back of his head.

Police are still investigating, but according to a story in the New York Daily News, Woodard’s ties to the entertainment industry are being investigated as a possible motive, although the details are vague.

He was due in court in Beverly Hills in January for a cocaine charge (that’s Hollywoodish, right?), and in 2004, he accused a bodyguard for Usher of giving him a “wedgie so severe that he bled,” according to an article. WTF? But it’s his work in entertainment law that is most interesting to police investigating the case.