Sheena Swan Song Is Nice For 'Vice'

May 3, 1988|By Greg Dawson, Sentinel Television Critic

Notes of a weekend TV warrior:

-- It's not polite to stand up and cheer when someone gets it between the shoulder blades with a high-powered rifle, so we remained seated while applauding the dispatching of Sheena Easton in Friday's episode of Miami Vice. This vapid vamp had to go. As Sonny Crockett's bride, Easton had so little presence she barely showed up on the screen. Her scenes with Don Johnson did not produce enough electricity to power an oven light. Easton died many times on screen before her character, Caitlin the rock singer, finally bought the farm. She was blown away right on stage by a hood named Hackman, who Sonny later plugged between the eyes at point-blank range while Hackman was sunbathing. I call that two happy endings.

-- Speaking of endings, the feverishly awaited two-hour finale of Magnum, P.I., Sunday was pretty much of a dud, disjointed and uncompelling. It looked like the producers tried to get too many old characters into the final act. And what kind of father is reunited with a daughter he thought was dead, then runs off and joins the Navy, which does not have in-house day care? Certainly not the kind Tom Selleck played in Three Men and a Baby.

-- Speaking more of endings, can't anyone write a decent one anymore? Last year Hill Street Blues went out in a blue funk, and now Magnum stumbles home unmemorably. We still have great hopes for the final episode of St. Elsewhere (May 25), and to a lesser extent for the last hurrah of Cagney & Lacey. TV's last great goodbye? Easy -- the 2 1/2-hour finale of M*A*S*H in 1983, still the highest-rated show in history.

-- Checked in with Dolly for the first time since its move to Saturday night, the South Bronx of prime time. Despite the heralded changes, the firing of bad people and the hiring of good ones, not much has changed. Dolly is still making bad jokes about her bust. ''Buildin' my chest muscles!'' she said, tugging on the handle of a whistle aboard a Mississippi riverboat. There was more good music and less awful humor this time, but only because Dolly took the show to New Orleans for the week. (Note to ABC: Cancel this loser and hire Dolly to do four specials a year -- musical specials.)

-- Dirty Dozen: The Series is better than you would expect for the spinoff of a spinoff. (It spins off the Dirty Dozen TV movies which spun off the Dirty Dozen motion picture.) Saturday's two-hour premiere on WOFL-Channel 35 started slowly but built to a well-orchestrated raid on a Nazi radar station. We liked the fact that only eight came back. (It's not clear whether the group will be replenished or become The Dirty Dozen Minus Four.) Another highlight: A German general who said, ''There's more to life than Wagner.'' Starting this week, the new Fox series will air Saturday nights from 9 to 10 on WOFL.

-- Speaking of Fox, Married . . . With Children is either the funniest or sickest show on TV; on a good night it's both. Sunday's episode about the visit of Peg's deviant family was not very funny but it was plenty sick. The episode was dedicated to the late actor and bizarro, Divine.

-- The most repugnant new trend in TV advertising, spotted again during CBS coverage of the NBA playoffs: ''This game summary brought to you by Seagram's'' said the announcer before giving the third quarter stats in the Celtics-Knicks game. Since when are stats for sale? We first noticed this odious new practice during the kickoff of the Super Bowl. The ball was in the air when announcer Marv Albert spoiled the moment: ''This kickoff brought to you by Budweiser.'' What's next? ''This injury timeout brought to you by Michelob?''