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question to ask your boyfriend before getting too serious

Are you in a relationship and you’re not sure where it’s headed?
While obviously not every relationship needs to end in marriage or some
long-term partnership, if your goal in life is to one day have a family
and kids, then you should probably keep that in the back of your mind
when you’re dating.
One of the worst things you can do if you’re trying to get into a
long-term relationship is to invest all of your time and energy in the
wrong guy. To avoid disappointments, though, you can ask him a few basic
questions. These questions will give you a lot of information about
him, which can give you a few clues about the eventual fate of your
relationship.The First Thing to Think About
Before anything else, consider this: If your boyfriend won’t open up
at all and responds poorly to deeper questions, then he may not be
interested in having a serious relationship. That’s totally fine if
that’s also what you want, but if you’re looking for something else,
take that as a big red flag.
If your boyfriend is interested in deepening your relationship, on
the other hand, he probably won’t have a problem discussing any of these
questions:Question #1: “Are You a Different Person Than You Were 5 Years Ago?”
Some people change more rapidly than others. Some of us go through
massive transformations every few years, while others stay pretty much
the same decade after decade. It really comes down to what you want out
of life.
His answer to this question will mean something different to you
depending on what you’re looking for. Are you someone who thrives on
rapid change, and gets bored of living in the same city and leading the
same life for many years at a time? Or are you the kind of person who
likes stability and wants to put your roots down somewhere?
Of course, just because they’ve had an eventful past 5 years doesn’t
mean that they are still on a path of change. However, you can often
tell if a guy loves change and gets bored easily based on how he answers
the question.Question #2: “How Many Serious Relationships Have You Been In?”
Everyone has a different history, but if he seems to have had way too
many “serious” relationships in, say, the past five years, then your
definition of “serious” may be different from his. It could also mean
that he jumps from relationship to relationship too fast because he is
afraid of being single.
You want someone who isn’t needy and values being alone, while still
understanding the benefits of a relationship. It’s better to have
someone who would love to have you because he genuinely thinks you’re
special, than someone who needs you because he has to be with someone.
There’s a huge difference between those two mindsets.
On the other hand, if he’s never been in a relationship at all, this
might also be concerning. If he’s young–like in his early twenties–this
might not be as big of a deal. A lot of us focus on our careers early on
and we might avoid long-term relationships while in school. However, if
he’s in his mid thirties or forties or more, then this is a red flag.
Ask him more about it and try to find out why he’s never been married or
at least in a serious relationship at his age.Question #3: “Do You Hate Your Ex?”
Ask him about his exes if you can manage to do so casually. Chances
are, though, if he hates his ex, he will tell you all about it with
minimal encouragement.
Sometimes people have legitimate reasons to hate their ex-lovers, but
a lot of the time the hatred stems from feeling like a victim. Listen
carefully to his story and try to figure out if the reason for his
strong dislike of his ex is because he blames everything that led to the
breakup on them. If he’s willing to take no responsibility for the
problems in their relationship, then this is a bad sign.
Further, if he has “crazy” exes, politely prod him a little more
about how long he was with the person. We all have encounters with crazy
lovers from time to time, but the big question is whether we tolerate
that crazy behavior or kick them to the curb as soon as we find out.
If he had a “crazy ex” who tortured him for years–or, worse, every ex
of his was like this–then he probably has deep self-esteem problems
because he allowed such behavior for months or years. Maybe he’s over
these problems, and maybe he’s not. It’s up to you whether you want to
deal with that.Question #4: “What Are Your Religious / Political / Philosophical Beliefs?”
Lots of people ignore these at first, assuming that they aren’t
important or practical, especially if you live an average life where
these things don’t really cross your mind much.
However, the truth is that your philosophical or religious beliefs
touch every part of your life, whether you realize it or not–and whether
you actually chose your philosophy consciously or not. A lot of people
go through life thinking that they have no strongly-held values except
for those that are “common sense” that “everyone has.” For example, you
might think, “I don’t kill baby seals or pour nuclear waste into rivers
because that’s obviously wrong. Everybody knows that.”
The problem here is that, as strange as it may seem, not everyone
shares your beliefs, even the ones that are the most universal and
obvious to you.
Lots of people are shocked when they date someone and find that their
worldview is entirely different, especially if they’re dating someone
of a different cultural background. Do not assume these things. Look
deeply inside yourself and understand the things you value the most.
Maybe you value a strong family, or you value a vegan lifestyle, or you
value your religious upbringing. If your partner does not also value
these things, it will lead to problems in the future.
Of course, be careful here: Just because your partner doesn’t share
your beliefs, doesn’t mean you have to be a jerk about it. There’s no
need to judge. Just acknowledge that there’s an incompatibility.Question #5: “What Do You Think About Marriage and Kids?”
Whether or not you intend on getting married and makin’ some babies,
you should be on the same page. If you never, ever, EVER want to get
married, then he should feel the same way. Don’t string him along if
he’s obviously hanging onto the hope that you’ll change your mind and
tie the knot someday.
Similarly, if he hates children and thinks that they’re the spawn of
Satan himself, then don’t wait around until he magically decides that he
wants to change diapers all day. Don’t let yourself get too serious if
you have different views on this; it will just lead to drama. He might change, he might not--but you can't expect your influence to do much.

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