Advice for first time moms

I thought it would be fun/nice for those who have kids already to leave some advice for first time moms. Especially things we wish we would have known the first time around.

Like...

You will probably get sick again towards the end. It will be awful.

Most hospitals will take your baby to the nursery for up to 4 hours after they've eaten. Do not feel guilty! You are not a bad mother for doing this. It will be a blessing and probably the only time you'll sleep in the hospital.

Comments (60)

TMI but going poop after hurts. No one ever told me that but it does get better with time.

Also, breastfeeding hurts but it gets better also.

You will have hot flashes, keep ice water around.

I was actually scared with the amount of love I had for my child...eventually. (Sometimes it take a while to "connect".) I just had no idea that you could love something so much. Then I was scared because I didn't know if I could do that with more than one kid. Obviously...I can. lol

I know it is difficult with your first, you want all of the cute stuff and the showers and stuff. But you will find that most of the stuff you register for and get is useless. Some things are necessities for some moms that are useless for others. I love to tell new moms to get the basics and see what works before you have a room full of unnecessary and expensive crap. Actually, each of my kids needed different things as well. You will learn as you go along.

I agree with Knoelmc... Most of the stuff that people get you for your shower or tell you to register for is useless crap. I serioulsy returned most of the gadgets and things that I got and bought diapers and wipes. I don't need a bottle dryer, I have a dishwasher that dries them or a dish drying rack that works just as well if I hand wash. I don't need a bottle warmer, then my child will always want a warm bottle. Just keep in mind, if you warm your babies bottles, they will most likely not take them room temperature. So that means, if you go to the store or something, what are you going to do if you need to warm it up? I just used room temp water to make the bottles once I stopped breastfeeding and I never had an issue if I was out. I didn't need a stupid bottle warmer or travel bottle warmer to take up more space and have to lug around when I left the house. Make life easy on yourself, you will have enough other stuff to worry about!!

Spend some time learning about newborn/infant/baby sleep patterns. I guarantee we will have more threads about sleep come Sept than we do HPT tweaked posts now. Learn what is normal, learn what to expect, and learn some techniques for promoting healthy sleep for your baby. There were days, before I became a SAHM, where I was pretty sure I would have been SAFER driving to work if I was drunk - I was that tired.
Do not feel guilty or like you need to apologize for not wanting to play pass the baby. Your baby doesn't need anyone but you in the beginning. S/he doesn't need to bond w grandma/auntie/neighbor/mother-in-law's friend from church. And anyone who has your baby's best interest in mind will get that. I was intensely territorial of DS when he was a NB. DH got him when I was in the bathroom, showering, or napping. Otherwise, he was MINE!
Learn how to use your carseat before there's a baby in it. I aggravated my bleeding when I had to reinstall the base 1day post partum because we couldn't figure out how to get the bucket off the base at the pediatrician's office. To this day, I am the only one in the family who can correctly install either the convertible or infant carseats. Believe me when I say DH is going to learn :)
The NB stage goes by so fast. Enjoy every bleary-eyed, hormonally-driven insane moment of it.
I was floored by how HUNGRY I was all the time.

Finally: enjoy people taking care of you now (family, friends, OB, strangers) because the instant that baby is out, it takes center stage. Going to the dentist is a thrill for me these days because it's a rare bit of self-care that I get to indulge in.

The warm bottle is true. DS is 1 and won't drink ice cold milk. We have to warm it up...I blame daycare. They warmed everything up. LOL

My tips: Don't get the damn bottle warmer (room temp is fine or breat milk temp). Or the water temp thing, or itz been timer.

Exercise & prepare mentally for labor. It's harder than running a marathon. You don't just up and decide to run one day. Learn how to relax/zone out in under 60 seconds. You need to be able to do this for labor unless you're hoping for drugs to help. And they don't always....My epi didn't take for 4 damn attempts (1 hour of curled up in a ball trying not to move through contractions during attempts) when it did it lasted 2 hours! Be prepared for natural if you progress quickly or have the same situation. SLEEP when baby SLEEPS. You can stare at them when they nurse. Only have people in labor and delivery that will help. Added stress is not good. If you aren't close to mom or MIL, then they shouldn't be there. If SO is not the most supportive person, make sure someone is in there who does relax you! Keep visitors to a minimum at hospital. Invite people over when you get home if you feel like super woman. Have a list of chores for people when they do show up. Hopefully, they bring sustance for your and the family too! And tell them you don't need help holding the baby, but the laundry could be switched or DS/DD could use a trip to the park, etc.. Let people do this stuff!

Ooh and you may lose your mind around day 5. It's normal and I'm sure Dr will talk about this happening anywhere from 3 - 7 days after birth. It's when the exhaustion sets in and the hormones really start hitting. You will get past those days. It's will be ok!

And it's ok to turn off the monitor or put the baby in it's room if you can't sleep because you jump at every noise your LO makes. You need to sleep. You will hear your baby cry. You now have mom ears, unless you're too exhausted from staying up and watching your baby breathe.

And number 1- Trust your gut! These little guys can't tell their drs. much and they guess at problems. You will know if there is a problem before any dr. could ever.

Don't be terrified of ending up with a c-section, it is not the end of the world. A section was my nightmare and I ended up with one because I was pre-eclamptic. I was fine and recovery was not a big deal. Take your pain meds and wean down slowly so you are comfortable. Even thought you had a section the pressure of going potty can be very uncomfortable after massive surgery. Take a stool softener or drink miralax. I did not expect that.

Take cute things to wear in the hospital. I look back on my pictures and I am so thankful I wasn't wearing a crummy tshirt. I looked bad enough without actually having on cute lounge wear, lol.

After the birth our hospital allows you to have an hour with the baby before anyone comes in and before you go up to your room. It was one of the best hours of my life. DH and I held our daughter, talked, laughed, and cried. Take time and don't feel pressured to appease the audience who wants to meet your LO. This time we are going to do this and have DD come in with us.

If you don't instantly bond DO NOT feel bad! It took me a couple of days to bond with my DD. No one warned me of this and I felt guilty. I would look at her and think, she is the cutest little person I have ever seen, but the unconditional love and emotions took a little while to slam me.

Feel free to change your mind! I did not want visitors originally but I had some wonderful friends who called first to see if they could come up and we had a blast! It's fun to show off your new LO.

I loved my baby, of course, but felt an odd sense of detachment because I was exhausted and simply providing milk to a baby who cried non stop, it seemed. I'm sure it was some baby blues stuff, but it was really hard being the sole provider of nutrients to a tiny wiggling screaming baby.

And all this is totally normal. You will feel more overwhelmed than you ever have in your entire life. But it gets easier. It really does get easier.

I also kept my baby with me the entire time I was in the hospital. While I think it is fine to send your baby to the nursery if you need/want to, don't let anyone convince you that you won't get enough rest with the baby in your room, either. Sure, I was tired, she woke up a lot. My baby had a broken collarbone from birth, and she was in a lot of pain. She woke up a lot, anytime she moved, pretty much. But I was there for her. Which is what I wanted. To take care of her every need. Yes, I was tired. But the staff was still there to help me when I needed them, and I continued to nap during the day, too (lets face it- there isn't that much going on while you are in a hospital bed, lol)... there will be time to sleep.

I second the post about pooping. No one warned me. After my daughter was born, pooping was even scarier than labor was. No joke. My hospital automatically gave me stool softeners while I was there and to take home- this will probably depend on your hospital. If they don't give them to you, ASK!!! You'll get through it. But mentally prepare yourself. It will hurt...

I didn't realize having sex after a baby could be painful, either. My husband and I waited until after my post-partum checkup and I was cleared to have sex at 6 weeks- but it hurt really bad at first! Felt like he was tearing me- also, I didn't have an episiotomy or tearing in my perineum. So I wasn't tearing- but apparently that can be the case, and its all due to hormones. It can even be that way for women who have a c-sec!!! But it got a little better each time, and we just had to take it slow and use lots of lubricant!

Follow your instinct... but be aware that just because you have motherly instinct doesn't mean that you will become all-knowing overnight. Some things will come over time, as you learn about your baby. You will learn what his/her cries mean, and what that baby needs. So don't feel bad if at first you feel like you DON'T know what to do- it will come with time :)

Have someone in the room with you to act as a birthing coach. It will come in handy! Plus, let that person know in detail what you want so that they can speak up for you if you get to the point where you are too tired or out of it to speak your mind!!! ( I let them talk me out of using the jet tub to labor in while I was in the hospital, and I wish I hadn't!!!)

Also if you are going to breast feed, don't wait too long to introduce a bottle of pumped milk. I have a lot of friends from my birth board that had supply issues for various reasons and needed to supplement formula, but never could get their babies to take a bottle because they waited until 6 months to introduce it. Even if you intend to bf for a year, you never know what will happen to your supply in that year. Stress, growth spurts, illness, Af can all affect your supply. I pumped every day and dh have ds a bottle before bed. It was nice for them to bond. I started a bottle at 3 weeks, bf for the entire year and my baby never got formula.