Column: Fiesta medals honor attitude, memories

After having been informed that there are thousands of new medals out there this year, the Committee to Dream Up New Medals figured it was time to step up its game.

After all, our medals are not just decorative. Ours are awards that recognize those of us who have taken our Puro San Anto game to a higher level.

So here is what we’ve come up with, in no particular order.

The Charles Lopez Medal: There are times when we think before we speak. We say something we believe is funny — para quedar bien — and we end up offending people. As Charles Barkley or George Lopez can tell you, sometimes people can’t take a joke, no matter how many times you say you’re sorry — but that’s life.

This medal is for those who understand that, sometimes, there is no coming back from una metida de pata. Therefore, it is shaped like a pata and it is edible — so you can safely put it in your mouth.

The Cuatro Changos Commendation: Sometimes in life, we are underestimated. And sometimes, it’s with good reason. But if two heads are better than one, imagine what you can do with four!

The Cuatro Changos is a special honor for a group of people who have joined forces to overcome a challenge that nobody thought they could. And you know who I’m talking about. Did they get the old car running? Good! Did they figure out how to fix the broken dryer? Great! Did they figure out a way to get the piñata up in the tree? Even more impressive. This little medal is shaped like a tiny wall and, best of all, it comes with a giant Fiesta libation — served in a 55-gallon barrel.

The Remember The Fiesta Medal: Once upon a time, there was a great battle in what is now the street in front of the Alamo. And once upon a time, there was a Burger King across from the Alamo. A few doors down was the G-M Steakhouse, where one could get a skinny steak dinner for about five bucks. And farther down, there was a Taco Bell. If you remember those, you do remember Alamo Plaza. But do you have the same memories of Fiesta?

If you remember Fiestas from years gone by, you might remember carrying a stack of La Semana Alegre cups. Or watching Emilio perform. Or sporting one of those Cat in The Hat hats that were once sold and worn at the Battle of Flowers parade. If you do, you get this medal. It comes with a vuvuzuela — remember those? If you don’t, just remember where you left the car and you’ll be OK.