Saturday, May 2, 2015

Olympus, Season 1, Episode 5: Blood Brothers

The Hero manages to make it to Athens by clumsily
shooting a guard in the leg. This rather inept introduction leads to him
killing several more guards.

Medea visits Lykos to demand to know when the Hero will
be delivered – and also to warn Lykos that Kimon is blatantly Pallas’s agent.
Lykos believes he’s converted Kimon – and that he should be ruling Athens. In
his favour, he’s arguing this because his dad is an absolutely appalling king
and the people are beginning to realise this. Of course he’s also sure that he’s
all suited to be a leader because the non-existent Lexicon is shining through –
which his mother knows is bullshit. She tells him to slow down, grow up and
wait for his moment in the sun. And to bring the Hero

Except his agent returns the money because he failed to
deliver Hero to him.

In Minos’s camp, Hero left the Oracle tied to Minos’s bed
– ye gods man, really? Ariadne is duly snarky while Minos is, surprisingly
sensibly, more concerned by the fact a suspected Athenian spy managed to sneak
into his tent in the middle of the night and spend long enough there to tie
someone up. He leaves Ariadne and the tied Oracle alone – Ariadne is both
impressed and annoyed by how effectively the Oracle has manipulated her father.
She decides to question the Oracle with an oily leg massage – which I think is
attempted seduction though the Oracle seems more uncomfortable than anything. Then
she starts writing in pleasure and gasping over… having her calves rubbed.

This turns into a random ominous vision with eagles
holding snakes, King of Athens and the world ending.

Minos checks in on Daedelus who is still working on war
machines, sort of anyway. We see Minos has some of the same hangs up as Aegeus,
it’s not enough to win, they have to win gloriously.

In Athena, Medea and Pallas continue to plot ad King
Aegeus keeps having sex with the Priestess while she prays. Pallas and Xerxes think
Medea has arranged this so Medea and Lykos can negotiate surrender with Minos.
Pallas decides the key to this is to woo Lykos.

Absolutely none of that made sense. Not one iota. Not how
having the king have sex with a priestess will allow the surrender to go ahead.
Not the idea that Lykos and Medea are planning a surrender. Nor the idea that
wooing Lykos will prevent surrender. The whole thing was such random nonsense he
may as well have been speaking another language.

So they drag him into a meeting with Lykos also bemused
as to what they’re talking about. They try to convinced him how best to present
his surrender plea (ignoring that Lykos isn’t actually planning surrender) since
they do seem to agree it’s the only way any of them will survive their inevitable
defeat. They hope to trade the Lexicon for being able to live and then having
Lykos be king afterwards.

Convinced, Lykos sends a carrier pigeon which Xerxes and
Pallas hope will help build a case of treason against Lykos. Which they want
because… because… Oh I have no clue but somehow it will put Pallas on the
throne. They also plot while walking through public corridors which is
laughably ridiculous.

Meanwhile Hero dumps his stolen Minoan armour and steals
a tunic – only to be caught by a woman who fears he is a Minoan spy because of
the armour (because spies infiltrate cities wearing uniforms). Whether she’d
believe his ridiculous story I delayed because everyone hides when Athenian
soldiers appear – they may be defending the city but that doesn’t stop them
abusing the citizens. Naturally Hero intervenes and, as is somewhat a pattern,
he also loses.

Lykos asks Kimon about this and he, actually having a
full line for once, points out that the people won’t see him as king because he’s
been pretty isolated from them for so long. So time to walk among the common
people – who are all hiding again because he’s with soldiers. And they have the
Hero tied up – and Lykos recognises him by his blue feet. Hero introduces
himself as Lykos’s brothr

Really? Really? Does anyone on this show have the
slightest lick of sense? “Hey I’m a prince! Honest!” Aaaargh

Everyone believes him and Medea talks to Aegeus to convince him to accept his
son so they can get the Lexicon. Aegeus is all reluctant because… I don’t even
know, just because. She also tells him that he has to be kind and loving to his
son to win him to their side.

Lykos isn’t exactly happy with his new brother. He’s sure
it’s all a plot of his mother’s and isn’t that pleased that she continually tortured
him for the Lexicon that is actually in his big brother. He ties the Hero up, I
think he’s supposed to be being stretched painfully as he’s making lots of pain
sounds despite no indication of anything hurting him (he’s also holding the
rope wrapped around his wrists – so if he is being stretched out it’s his own
odd fault). Anywya Lykos decides to stab him but Hero relies on brotherhood and
love – complete stranger declaring brotherly love apparently works enough to
distract Lykos and let the Hero escape.

Kimon passes on all he’s learned about the Hero to Pallas
and Xerxes and Pallas decides to kill Hero – only to find him gone and Lykos
tied up.

Aegeus is consumed with suspicion over the Hero, assuming his son will want to
kill him and take his kingdom – he throws the priestess out when she tries to
convince him to accept his son, and calls her a whore.

When the Hero makes his way to Aegeus, the king attacks
him with a sword – but luckily Hero is also carrying a sword from Lykos to
defend himself. He begs his dad not to kill him – and Pallas and Xerxes arrive
to yell assassin and take the obvious chance to kill him. Before the Hero gets
stabbed Medea arrives to try and talk sense into everyone. Much to Pallas’s
annoyance she succeeds.

At Mino’s camp it’s apparently all of Lykos’s sneaky
tactics are having an effect – so it’s time for an assault with a plan his
general calls “the serpent’s claws.” Minos snarks with perfect deadpan “serpents
don’t have claws.” It becomes the Serpent’s Jaw. He asks for the Oracle’s
opinion but she points out that war isn’t Gaia’s thing, he should ask Athena.
Goddesss of warfare and… uh… Athens. The city they’re sieging. Minos “no wonder
we’re faring so poorly.” She suggests, via vision, the use Daedalus’ genius to
breach the walls.

Which means she has to convince
Daedalus to help which, for some reason, means she has to lie to Thybus to get
rid of him. Minos can’t just tell him to clear out? She then encourags Daedalus
to bring down the walls because now she thinks they have to stop the Hero –
because with the Lexicon and the Magi ring that can kill gods, she realises
that maybe Hero will cause the apocalypse, not stop it. Daedalus agrees, so
long as he gets the ring afterwards.

Minos also encourages Ariadne
to be nice to Oracle because they want to convert her to their side. They will
need her mystical skill to unlock the Lexicon.

They receive the pigeon from
Lykos where he offers to meet with them in purpose. Ariadne speaks in favour –
worst case scenario they refuse his terms and kidnap Lykos who they think holds
the lexicon. The Oracle hides that he doesn’t he the Lexicon but does argue
against trusting Lykos since he is willing to betray Minos.

There have been some bad depictions of lesbian sex
before, but I think orgasmic writhing over calf rubbing may be on Cosmo level
of ludicrous.

The Hero losing a lot of fights – I actually don’t mind this. One man decides
to take on half a dozen soldiers to protect a woman, the chances are he will
lose. The fact the Hero is a skilled fighter but not a god-like one and he does
lose battles does, in some ways, make him more heroic. In many other shows, the
Hero would have easily vanquished the rapist guards, but not here – and the
Hero’s willingness to intervene if more noble because of it. He is brave and
determined because he is willing to step in knowing there’s a high chance he
will fail, not because he’s a super special hero of specialness and will easily
vanquish all these bad people.

Everyone on this show is a fool. Honestly, half of the
decisions, conversations and plot lines make little sense not because they’re
complex or intricate but because they rely on everyone having little sense. Everyone
fears Medea the manipulator but she doesn’t actually do anything. What has she
actually done since the pilot? Ineffectually poison her husband? Look for Hero
(and fail to find him)? Has she achieved anything? Pallas and Xerxes plot but
seem to completely ignore the army at their gate. Lykos is so easily
manipulated that he’s controlled by whoever last spoke to him.

I kind of want another Greek city state to declare them
all foolish, invade, slay them all and present us with a much better cast.