Are your ears running around nekkid? If so, this *GIVEAWAY* is for you!

In addition to my 4″ black patent leather spiked heels and my shorty short patterned leather jacket, one of my favorite things to come out of the eighties was the movie When Harry Met Sally. I loved Billy Crystal as Harry Burns and Meg Ryan as Sally Albright and how she ordered everything on the side and how he read the last page of a book first because he needed to know how it ended just in case he suddenly dropped dead.

I’m a little like Harry in that I read magazines back to front and think I am going to drop dead every day of my life, especially while riding shotgun with Nate on the expressway. And I’m a lot like Sally in that I take ten minutes to order a meal while my family withers away from malnutrition. Oh, and just like Sally, I place letters in a mailbox one at a time, carefully checking to ensure each one has dropped successfully before inserting another. It took me six hours to mail out my wedding invitations.

And I used to wear big glasses in the eighties, just like Sally!

Oooh, and I can make dogs howl in protest and cats willingly sacrifice all nine of their lives when I sing, just like Sally!

And I faked an orgasm in the middle of a crowded restaurant just to prove a point, just like Sally!

Wait.

That may have been indigestion. Or sudden onset perimenopause.

But speaking of orgasms, who doesn’t like a Big “O” every once in a while?

Do you remember when I blogged here about my intention to acquire a multitude of them with my husband while celebrating our tenth wedding anniversary in San Francisco this past June?

And that I fully intended to get one by visiting Harry Mason’s shop at Pier 39 and buying myself another pair of Earspirals?

And that my entire body came home very relaxed and happy from San Fran, especially my ears, which yelled MISSION ACCOMPLISHED at the top of their lungs on my blog?

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I won’t bore you all over again with how much I love Harry Mason and his Earspirals because BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, LET’S MOVE ON, right?

Except … who am I kidding?

I big-red-puffy-heart Harry Mason and his Earspirals.

Just in case you weren’t paying attention the last twenty-two times.

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Sigh. Just soak in all that prettiness.

Before Harry Mason was a jewelry designer, he was a seventies long haired hippie slalom skateboarder who moonlighted as a disco dance instructor.

Isn’t that just the coolest thing ever? I bow to your überness, Harry.

You know, I was a disco-holic when I was young. Still am. In fact, I’m typing this to the beat of Stayin’ Alive. At this rate, I might finish this post next week. Maybe if I didn’t feel compelled to channel Tony Manero and strike a pose, hand on hip, other pointed to the sky, every five minutes, I’d finish this post sooner. And if I just stop yelling WHETHER YOU’RE A BROTHER OR WHETHER YOU’RE A MOTHER, YOU’RE STAYIN’ ALIVE, STAYIN’ ALIVE. That might help too.

If we ever go to a Halloween costume party, I’m totally making Nate borrow Harry’s bell bottoms and go as Denny Terrio from Dance Fever. And I’ll squeeze myself into a sparkly gold lamé leotard and go as one of the Solid Gold dancers.

Or, at least my ankle will. The rest of my body will just have to tag along.

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This one is similar to the Earspiral above, but with a little extra bling.

I’d like to bling myself out every once in a while, but I can’t find my BeDazzler.

Who absconded with my BeDazzler?

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Harry, did you take my BeDazzler?

Although I’d hazard a guess that you have more sophisticated tools in your arsenal, right? That’s OK. You can tell me. I won’t tell anyone. I’m great at keeping secrets! Nate still doesn’t know about the tattoo I got six months ago!

Oops.

Good thing he doesn’t read this blog.

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Love and adore these.

My ears are getting all verklempt.

Harry’s even got instructions for putting on Earspirals, just in case any of you are running away screaming. It’s OK! Come back! Don’t be scared!

Did you know that I just missed meeting Harry when we visited his shop in June? I hung around his store waiting for him, totally prepared to stalk him but after an hour, when my credit card passed out from exhaustion and my family passed out from starvation, we had to leave.

We were destined to be ships that passed in the night. Except it was daylight. And I’m not a ship, even though it’s widely rumored that I can burp louder than a foghorn.

I’m thinking that’s a compliment?

This entire incident was my inspiration for penning the manuscript When Harry Almost Met Andy and sending it off to Billy Crystal for his review and consideration.

That was over a month ago. I can only assume he’s waiting to hear back from Angelina Jolie about playing my part.

Did you know Harry patented the Earspiral? Back in the eighties, when he and his wife were local street artists in San Francisco, their loyal customers would complain of how easy it was to lose an earring. Harry spent long hours dreaming about earrings that didn’t stop, drop and roll and in the middle of the night, he came up with the spiral idea. He was so excited that he immediately shook his wife and said WAKE UP! LOOK AT THIS!

And like all good wives who get woken up in the dead of night by husbands who shout WAKE UP! LOOK AT THIS, she mumbled ARE YOU CRAZY? CAN’T YOU SEE THIS HEADACHE ON MY FACE? Then she rolled over and lapsed back into a coma.

And then the next morning, she got all excited about Harry’s idea and one year later, the Earspiral was official.

Do you know the last time Nate woke me up in the middle of the night by shouting WAKE UP! LOOK AT THIS!

Neither does he. He’s still suffering from memory loss from the concussion he sustained.

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Are these not amazing? I’m all a twitter.

Once these things are in your ears, they aren’t stopping, dropping or rolling anywhere. No more walking around wearing one earring in one ear and a gaping hole in the other and trying to pass it off as eclectic.

Nobody falls for it.

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Sigh. This one is so worth a Big O, don’t you think?

Speaking of Harry’s wife, her name is Kathryn. He met her in the early eighties at a dance party where they talked and did the hustle and hung out and he promised to call her.

And then his Y chromosome kicked into high gear and guess what? He didn’t call.

Tsk, tsk, tsk, Harry. If you weren’t so damn talented, I’d be hard pressed not to whomp you upside the head.

On second thought … as Sally once said, You are a human affront to all women and I am a woman.

*WHOMP*

(pssssst Harry … I’m sorry. You know I adore you, right?)

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Sigh. Big Ooooooooooooooooooo.

One month after that party, Kathryn was rollerskating on the streets of San Francisco and serendipity smiled down upon her and next thing she knew, she slammed right into a surprised Harry. Rather than beat him senseless as I might have done, she simply said you promised you would call.

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And they’ve been together ever since.

You guys are adorable, did you know that?

Harry? Kathryn?

CAN YOU GUYS HEAR ME OVER THAT SHIRT?

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Yummmmmmmmmm.

Harry and Kathryn have been together for over twenty years and to this day, every time he mentions her, he refers to her as either “‘love of my life” or “my beautiful wife.”

Can you stand the hopeless romanticism?

*fanning myself*

I wonder if I duct taped Nate to Harry and made Harry sneeze, would Nate catch it? Would it spread like poison ivy? Sink in through osmosis maybe?

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Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh. Love this one.

Guess what Harry and Kathryn did on their first date?

They went rollerskating. Down the hills of San Francisco. Backwards.

Hello? Have you met the hills of San Francisco? Allow me to introduce you:

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So, basically Harry and Kathryn thought it was a good idea to stick wheels on their feet and then let gravity have its way with them down San Francisco’s version of Mt. Everest at a speed of Mach 10.

BACKWARDS.

The romantic side of me thinks they were just a couple of whacky kids, blinded by love. The logical part of me thinks they were stoned out of their minds.

Then again, I’m the one who went rollerblading with my honey down our own east coast interpretation of Mt. Kilimanjaro and spent the rest of the night having him pick an entire highway out of my ass so who am I to judge?

So, I’ll just shut up.

For at least a minute.

*pause*

There. Wasn’t that refreshing?

WARNING: BIG O AHEAD:

SQUEEEEEEEEEE!

This is the pair I bought for myself back in June!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

I simply can’t help myself!

Harry’s Earspirals get me all twitterpated.

I love it when I can use that word correctly in a sentence. I need to use those sentences more often.

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This isn’t an Earspiral but who cares? It just screams CLASSY, don’t you think?

I can hear it all the way over here, 3,000 miles away.

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Oh my goodness.

This is called an Ear Fancy.

Because it’s fancy and you wear it on your ear.

Don’t you love it when the stars and planets align and everything makes sense?

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This one is gorgeous, isn’t it? I almost can’t stand it.

My ears are quivering with excitement.

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Oh.My.God.

My ears are literally convulsing. I just want to have my way with them.

The Ear Fancys, not my ears because ewwww … that would just be weird.

Have you ever seen anything so delicious that wasn’t smothered under Nutella?

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<THUD> <———- me and my ears, passing out from sheer ecstasy.

I need a moment.

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Thank you.

Before I forget, see Harry’s ad at the top of my side bar? Go over there —————————–>

Now scroll up and look for the ad that looks like this:

If you click on that ad, you’ll get a code for $5 off your purchase.

I know!

Go ahead and do a happy dance! I’ll wait.

OK … are we ready for the giveaway?

Up for grabs:

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A $100 shopping spree at Harry Mason Designer Jewelry, at his online shop or at any of his stores!

By the way, how many of you live with men who lose cerebral function at warp speed when faced with a written list? You use up your last gallon of milk and toss away the carton without remembering to take a picture of it and hot glue it to his eyelids before sending him to the store for some more. So now you realize you have no choice but to write him a note in big block letters “one gallon of fat free milk in the white container that has a 2 x 3 inch rectangular label with blue/red stars all over it, located in Aisle 10B, top shelf on the left.”

And he comes home from the store with a five pound bag of kitty litter and no milk.

And you don’t even own a cat.

No problem! Harry’s got a wishlist option on his site, perfect for the XY chromosome in your life who requires visual aids.Choose what you want, stick it on your wishlist and then staple the computer to your significant other’s face and let him feel empowered. Tada! No more kitty litter.

OK … the nitty gritty:

To enter, leave a comment in this post, telling me what you’d love to see on your body. Long luscious hair? Firm boobs? All the shoes from Sex and the City? If you ask me, I don’t even have to think about it! Hands down, Anderson Cooper.

Nate loves me, regardless of my stalking tendencies.

Anyone 18 or older can enter. You youngsters in your twenties, can I live vicariously through you?

If you win and you’re anything like me and lack self-control, you’ll probably find well over $100 worth in your cart. No worries! Apply the $100 to your total and just pay the difference. Remember, happy ears make for a happy head.

Don’t forget to click Harry’s ad at the top of my sidebar to get your coupon code for $5 off!

The winner will have thirty days from notification to make his/her ears downright giddy.

No entries after 5:00 pm eastern time on Sunday, August 23, because by that point, nothing on my body will be giddy, least of all my ears.

I will randomly use Random.org to randomly choose a random winner. Randomly.

Please don’t enter more than once! Your comment will show up. Duplicate entries make my head spin and then I get dizzy and throw up. Oh, and speaking of duplicates … My blog theme Thesis is pitching a hissy by refusing to continue sequential numbering of comments beyond #500. Instead, it numbers each group of up to 500 comments as #1-500. Thesis thinks this is funny. I assure you, it is not. But I’m aware of this glitch and have a plan in place to deal with it so go ahead and post your comment and don’t worry about your comment number. And if you’re looking for Thesis, it will be standing in a corner with its nose to the wall, thinking long and hard about its actions and how they affect others.

I’ll announce the winner on Monday!

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That’s it!

Now, do me a favor, please? Go rent When Harry Met Sally. You won’t be disappointed.

I leave you with the immortal words of Harry Burns:

You know, I have a theory that hieroglyphics are just an ancient comic strip about a character named Sphinxy.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooYESSS!!!
Ok hunny. Ill go get you a towel.
Ok well, what would I like to see on my body. Beside the totally unsexy fact that I need a couple of new crowns in my mouth ( that counts as body, right?) I would love to see some sexy lingerie. Or hell, not even that sexy. I’d settle for any bra not ten years old and non white anymore, sigh.
I could use some sexy sparkle again, that’s for sure!

I’m thinking Janmary and her adorable brogue are going to need to get some pierced earlobes, for we know that random.org love, love, LOVES to taunt me by not only NOT choosing me for your giveaways, but by choosing the person *immediately before* me. Unless the r.o gods choose the person immediately after me for a change…..

Or, perhaps, just maybe this time I *will* win. Maybe it’ll be lucky #4 that does it and the r.o gods have just been holding out for the most fantabulous giveaway prize you’ve had yet, all for me? Really? Could it be? I’m all jacked up on Mtn. Dew Voltage right now and we leave for vacay in 4 hours, so my mind’s racing!

Anyhow, things I’d like to see on my body:

– my feet, without shadows cast by my belly.

– George Clooney and/or Hugh Jackman (I’m not too choosy)

– muscle definition – not even a six pack, but just, you know, the appearance of muscles…

– Hugh Jackman and/or George Clooney (want to be fair to each of them, can’t have one be first…)

– a tan. Well, anything other than “lobster red” or “pasty white” which are my two current modes of skin coloring. Fingers crossed as I jet off to the House of Mouse!

I’ll eagerly await the news of my win… of course I’ll be without internet access for the next 10 days so you’ll have to txt me! 😉

Oh my! A big O and at work even……how naughty! What would I like to have on my body? Well, since Anderson Cooper is taken, how bout Elliot Stabler? Gosh he makes me smile and drool…..I’d also like bigger boobs, but needles and scalpels scare me. I would so love to win this shopping spree. I hope random.org can hear me begging. I hope Elliot can hear me begging. I hope my sister can not hear me begging. She seems to think it’s unbecoming. What does she know? She’s the younger sister. She doesn’t have a clue yet. Anyhoo…….pick me please, please, please!!!!!

Seriously fabulous stuff!! Thanks for the history of Harry and Kathryn and Harry and Sally! What would I like to see on my body, hmm my goodness. Well since I can say it and it will most likely never happen, suddenly after I turned 40 and started watching LA Ink, I want a tattoo!!! For the life of me I could never really choose what I would get and my dear husband was kind enough to remind me that the tattoo would sag along with the rest of me. But just for fun a rad tattoo.

You are hilarious! I love to read your blog first thing in the morning – a cup of coffee and hoots of laughter are a fine way to wake up!

ON my body? How about just less of my body?

Okay, on my body….hmmmm…I have a secret wish for a tattoo. DH would have fit, but I would love to have a little ink, where only I can see it. Don’t want to show off my ultra-coolness, ya know. Might give all my mom friends a complex. 😉

Totally great post! Um…I need to get rid of my baby belly before I have another kid. It’s not a big baby belly, persay, but it is stockpiling potato chips at a rapid pace. Thanks for the chance to win!

O. M. G.!!!!! I love, love, love, love, love……….all of Harry’s ear stuff!!! Specially those ear fancies..sigh. Did you know that I have 7 piercings in 1 ear and 6 in the other? or was that 6 in one and 5 in the other? hmm…I forget! LOL! When I was 17 I worked in Spencer’s gifts where I had access to a ear piercing gun, lots of guys that wanted just 1 ear pierced and gave me the other! LOL!! That explains all those holes! LOL

As for what I want to see on my body..hmm..you know I’ve bit back the urge to get a nose piercing or a eye brow piercing! I would have gone for it but my 11 year old swears up and down he’ll disown me as his mom forever and ever if I do that so…I’m saving it for a even more embarrassing age in his life 😉 Other than that..I’d love several things OFF my body!! Weight, stretch marks, boobs that don’t go south from nursing 3 kids for soo long!! ok..I’ll spare you the rest and say PICK ME random.org!! Pick ME!!

Okay I have been reading your blog from the begining and trying to catch up, I am still in January. Anyway, you make me smile. What I would love if I could would be to loose about 500 pounds, and have white teeth, my teeth have never been white, they are their own colour, they are perfectly aligned due to 3 years of braces, and we all know I am not going to diet, so the teeth seem doable.

Love all of these wonderful ear spirals! Oh my! Yes!!! As for what I’d love to see on my body (besides ear spirals), I’d have to say a flat pre-4 children tummy. Yep, that would make me a happy girl! 🙂

Oh dear God! I have not seen those before…eva…and I really need to buy some…a lot of some! I love those ear fancies and I love the pearl ones! Oooh I also love the ones you bought, and I love the single drop ones, and I …oh hell I want them all!

I am not sure what I want to see ON my body other than Jason Statham…mmmm, yes please!

Instead I might take off…like half of me!

I have been wanting to get my nose pierced though! I feel like a idiot though, a 34 yr old getting a nose piercing! My 16 yr old would die of embarassment! lol

I would love ot see my body without all the extra skin and wrinkles. I have lost a HUGE aount of weight and my skin is just not gouing back the way I want it to. Wrinkly thighs are just not a pretty sight, ya know

I loved this post–it was probably the best post for a give-away that I ever saw! Very funny.

Those earrings are fantastic! Even if I don’t win, I think I am going to be getting some as I just love unusual jewelry.

Something I’d love to change about myself? I’d love it if ‘the girls’ were just a bit smaller (I know! I know–many of you have the opposite)–but I’d just love to be able to go braless more comfortably and to wear tube tops without popping out all over!

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Seriously. SQUEE to the max. I checked out his website when you first posted about it and just about drowned in my own drool. But since we have about… oh.. NO expendable income right now, I mourned and walked away from the site sulking with no fancy shmancy new earspirals. I hope I win!

Ok. Ok. So what would I like to see on my body? Well, aside from these fantastic ear ornaments… I’d like my hair to behave properly. Or to trade it in for hair that is just perfect when I roll out of bed. My Mom tells me everyone is jealous of my hair, but it’s a big fat lie. It’s thick, it’s coarse, it’s unmanageable, and I can’t take it anymore! *sigh* Or wait… I’d like to NOT see the cellulite on my thighs. Either would be good. Ok. I’m done. Hey, randomizer thingie? Pick me! Pretty PLEASE?!

okay, my ears are itching now. A pair of these would definitely provide me an eargasm. Speaking of which the one thing I want on my body is: no clothes, just shoes and jewelry all over. I am a nudist at heart who lives in a crowded place 🙁

I’m 9 months preggo and due to deliver my baby boy next week…so at this point I’m looking forward to working my bum off to fit into a nice luxurious pair of skinny jeans and a cashmere sweater for the fall…:)

OMG…those earrings are to die for! I would like to see less of me on me if you know what I mean. I would love to be on What Not To Wear and get a new wardrobe, hairstyle & makeup as I could definitely use an update to all of the above and don’t know where to begin… maybe I will get myself a pair of the ear spirals as a start and see where I go from there. At least my ears would be really happy! Even better would be to win a pair! Here’s wishing……

love, love the earrings!!!!
I would love to have thicker hair… my thin one parties without me at night and is just not sturdy enough for the days too.
I would also like for someone to get a donation of at least 50pounds of fat. Surely there are a lot of uber skinny models out there that could use some of it!
And while we are at it, someone tell my feet I am not wearing combat boots anymore, so it is time to stop producing so much rough skin.

On my body, I would love to see white sand from a tropical island. I don’t care if it’s stuck to my fat thighs or big butt, it’s tropical island sand!! That would mean I would have to BE THERE, and not HERE. 😉

Long time reader, first time poster. Love the blog, covet the earrings, so random.org, you better make this happen for me or you’ve got a plague of biblical proportions coming your way! That’s right, I got that kind of power.

Oh those are lovely! I love wearing earrings. I know I would get TONS of compliments on those babies! What an awesome giveaway!

Hmmm…It is tough to decide but, If I had to choose what I would like to see I would definitely love to have p erky boobs again on my body and some nice new undergarments. LOL Simple things make me happy 🙂

Love the Ear Spirals! I’m coveting them already – I see a little shopping in my future, and then I see DH having a small heart attack after viewing the credit card bill…

So, what would I love to see on my body? A pair of size 4 jeans (and they’re actually fitting my entire body, not just lolling around my cankles, fruitlessly trying to fit over my thighs!) I was once a size 4 four about half a minute 14 years ago. Ahhh, I remember it fondly. Maybe some lovely ear spirals will draw attention away from my no-longer-a-size-4-body. Of course then they’ll draw attention to my 40-something face that’s beginning to resemble a shar-pei on a good day…

I have Thesis, too… and would love to know what solution you find to this problem. It deserves to stand in the corner.

Ooooooooooooooooooooookay. So see those one with the aqua. I heart them. I must have them. They soooooooooooooooooooooooo pretty.

Since you took the Anderson Cooper answer, I’ll go with my own hubby. But with a catch… my own hubby, on a date night, when my kids are happy, well-fed and taken care of by someone else (for once!) and sleeping upon my return. How’s that?

Oh you r so dang funny…I have called everyone I know to read them your post, even made some sit thru several posts!
I had never heard of earspirals until now but holy crap i love them!!!! As far as what I would like to see on my body….1. my toes without tilting forward to see past the pooch! 2. perky boobs that salute the sun and not my navel and 3. a butt like JLo. Is that too much to ask for?!

hmm, I just want some of Harry’s earrings on my body. At my age–and size– I only shop for shoes, purses, and earrings!! Shoes because the size I wear is still a single digit—unlike my clothing!!! The purses and earrings fit no matter what your size–and earrings just make you feel beautiful. Besides I have wanted some of these O-making earrings since you first talked about them!!!! Please, Random.org,, please pick me–I could really use a big Harry O!!!!

I was thinking, cool givaway except I don’t have holes in my head, well, holes where jewelry would be placed, that is. But then you mentioned ear cuffs and ear wraps and I thought, I could do those! So I’m in! Thanks for the contest!

Reading this blog post is most definitely one of my top 5 favorites in the history of my visiting a blog, girl you are awesome! You truly need to write a novel because reading your words is entertaining, comical and compelling! I have read hundreds and hundreds of blog posts and yours will remain most memorable for me! I adored learning about Harry Mason and reminiscing about When Harry Met Sally! And, my mouth is still sitting on the floor since it dropped as I started to look at all of Harry Mason’s exquisite designs, wowza is all I can say! Hmmm, now on to the question at hand. What would I like to see on my body! For the sake of my remaining allowed to continue posting on blogs I’ll keep this one “G” rated and say Jillian Michaels abs. They are the perfect combination of attractive without being too overly muscular. I love that. I would also love to drape my body in a DF Dress, they are so lovely and I have always dreamed of wearing one some day. Okay, so I am boring what can I say! You totally rock for hosting such a terrific giveaway so thanks so much for the chance to enter.

Hmmm… what would I want ON my body? I can think of a TON of things I want OFF my body!

I suppose some new duds. I am SO lazy when it comes to clothes. I generally find two pairs of jeans I love; wear them until they fall apart; repeat. Subsitute jeans for shirts, shoes, purses, etc. and you get the idea.

Okay, after looking at Harry’s earrings, I totally understand your obsession with them. I have to have at least one pair! What I would like on my body would be some tight, firm muscles again; you know like I used to have about 20 years ago! And, a pair of these earrings; at least one. My husband thanks you for letting me in on this secret website and I thank you for the chance to win this wonderful prize!

What I would love on my body is a nice bikini (and look good at the same time). Miss those days, before kids and all.
The Jewelry here at Harry Mason is awesome. So unique and really beautiful. Thanks so much.

I’d love to see hair that could grow past a certain length and wouldn’t look like a frizzy mess! 🙂 I am imagining hair that is naturally straight, so I wouldn’t have to use a straightening iron EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE!

What I would like to see on my body is one of those super cute and sexy bra and panty sets. An underwire push-up bra with pretty,lacy trim and those skimpy bikini panties that the Victoria Secret models wear. I have tried, but somehow when you’re a double D it doesn’t look the same. I hope I win the spree. It would make me feel much better about mt 18 hour bra and granny panties.

I’d love to see sexy high heels on my body, rather than the flip flops and tennies I’ve grown accustomed to. Love the earrings…..pick ME, pick ME, random.org! Headed to San Francisco in two weeks, would love to shop this store in person. I’ll try the rollerskating backwards for my next trip. 😉

I would love to see my tummy again! My dear 7-mo-old son has it and refuses to give it back. To be more specific, I want a firm, tanned, 19-inch-waisted (ok, I’ll even accept 22 in.) tummy that things bounce off of. With a visible 6-pack. Just give me my 17-year-old volleyball-playing sister’s tummy and i’ll be happy.
Thank you.

Mom to Zoe and Helena and warm lap to Oliver. I'm short and uptight with freakishly pointy elbows. My thumbs lose all mobility when I laugh and I could live on cheese. If you're insanely bored, click WHO AM I to read more.