Question: My best friend’s 8-year-old son tells lies. He has taken money from my house before. I know now not to leave money on the counter when he comes over.

My friend has tried to handle it by being stern with him, but it seems to get worse as he gets older. What should my friend do to stop it, and why does he lie and steal?

– A mother in

Cornelius, N.C.

Answer: Many children lie and steal just to do it and get away with it. They find fibs and theft exciting.

Firm and clear consequences should follow, says psychologist Stanton Samenow, author of Before It’s Too Late: Why Some Kids Get into Trouble and What Parents Can Do About It (Three Rivers Press, 2001).

Some experts and parents say children lie or steal for attention. What they typically get, however, is negative attention after the incident, Samenow says.

“Lots of kids, unfortunately, are neglected and crave attention, but they do not lie and steal to get it,” he says. “Lying and stealing are clues to character.”

Samenow’s advice: Don’t get trapped in blaming a divorce or trauma or making other excuses. Move out of the denial stage, and make the child responsible for his actions.

Many parents of a difficult kid are reluctant to mistrust their child and “to do what is most important – to become more involved and supervise more closely nearly everything the child does,” Samenow writes.

If you find out your child has stolen, be clear: Stealing is wrong and totally unacceptable.

But avoid lecturing or labeling the child as a thief.

When parents take the proper measures, in most cases the stealing stops as the child grows older, the academy says.

But if stealing and lying are persistent or accompanied by other problem behaviors or symptoms, consult a health-care professional.

Can you help?

Here’s another question from a reader who needs help: “My grandson is 3<MD+,%30,%55,%70>1/<MD-,%0,%55,%70>2, and my granddaughter is 3 months. He isn’t very happy with his new sister. How can we help him adjust?” – A reader in Charleston, S.C.

Betsy Flagler is a syndicated writer specializing in family issues. If you have tips, or questions of your own, call the toll-free Child Life hotline any time at 800-827-1092. Or write to Betsy Flagler, P.O. Box 4270, Davidson, NC 28036. E-mail can be sent to P2Ptips@att.net.