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Hm, I've been pondering today on how long its been since I've had a suicidal thought... a joint... the smell of marijuana on my clothing, or better yet on my breath. Well to start it off... When I met Megan (My current girlfriend and hopefully my last) I was going through a rough time in my life. I started to take overdoses of Prozac and Dexedrine (For those who doesn't know that that it... it is a sleeping medication), So I was a walking emotionless zombie. I haven't felt like that in forever. Even though Prozac is supposively suppose to help control (or what I like to call mentally block) the thoughts and demons running around inside your mind. It didn't work. It made things just seem like a blur, or it made me not give a fuck. So I got upped on my dosage... Just made things worse, so finally I decided to act as my own individual self (which my instincts are better then what I thought) and quit the medication... Life isn't worth living in a medicated dream. But then I started to overdose on my sleeping medication making me sleep for 16 hours a day... So I eventually stopped that as well. After the first few months of being with Megan, I stopped talking her. I literally forgot her existance, crawled my stoned ass out of marijuanaville, and started sobering up. It took me a total of 3 months to get control of myself and get used to being sober. (Figures after a year of being non-sober) So it was basically 3 months of all out war on my brain. I was a cranky ass punk prick. I broke my connections, kicked all my friends out of my house that smoked pot in front of me. I chose a higher road for my being. Soon after I started talking to Megan again.. It was awkward at first, but eventually we over came that together. It was basically restarting anew. Then one day.... I go next door to give my cousin some watermelon. I sit down they are drinking and pull out a bag of weed... And of course in my mind I was saying GET THE FUCK OUT NOW! But you just don't get up in leave when people pull out drugs... You get killed for that. So I got high... It was heavily laced with Heroin. I overdosed. I WANTED TO FUCKING DIE THAT NIGHT. I couldn't control anything... I told myself this is the last fucking time ever... WRONG... My friend Skylar moved back into town... I took him to Ballinger... Same thing happened... Drove home high as a fucking kite. Megan doesn't know about that one... But back to the suicidal tendencies I had foreplayed myself to partake in. The madness that consumed my thoughts and conquered my soul. I was on the edge of self delusion and control. Thankfully Megan basically "saved" me. I never told her my thoughts, but just knowing she was there helped me gain control of myself and I savored the moment I had. We are still together... Happy and etc. She moved with her parents to California sadly.... So Spring time road trip... HERE I COME! I'm call this.... Cali meets Tex.

Well everything has gone good lately. Only thing that I do is practice my acoustic guitar, sleep , and work! Sounds fun right? Kinda... Just the fact that i can barely keep anything in touch at the moment. Oh well... It happens. But this is the first time I've actually wrote a Journal... So let me talk about my New Years... Well what I remember of it. I drank 6 tooter shots... a shot of parrot bay coconut rum... 10 shots of everclear... and had a few bites of jello shots... i passed out... puked 8 times. BUT DAMN WAS IT FUN! :D

*stretches* I'm tired as hell but I have nothing better else to do, so I decided to come on here and give everyone a update. I've been ok, just have a few problems with work since my boss is a total bitch. I had a blast at the 4th of July party at the lake. Seen some people I haven't seen in awhile. But all in all I'm just sleeping a lot xD. But I've always slept a lot... so meh... nothing has really changed.

Well this is the breakdown to everything. I went from drinking to smoking. Now I've been stoned or such for 5 months. Last night I had a talk to my dad and finally realized all the damage I was actually doing to my family. Then he helped me realize the stakes at risk and how it will inflict into my future if I'm caught or if I fail a drug test. So I made a New Years Resolution... I'M FUCKING QUITTING!

Hm... Semester is going by hella fast thankfully, Good Ol' Withdrawals are back! Oh well its all worth it in my eyes, I'm still here oddly enough, Feel lucky I am. Haven't got into any trouble this year weirdly... Been stuck with work, the band, and homework... So much fun... Well I guess I got to go... X-ray time! Lataz

Well hell I might as well share one of my songs since I'm such in a good mood, But its still in progress so not the whole thing will be up!!

This song is for the all the kids with the cut up wrists!Who don't think they should exist! Maybe next time girl we can be together!Noone understands us! Noone can bend us!We are only the broken! The ones that heart is mistooken!Just because we are different you look down on us!We are the degenerates of this generation!

This is to all the kids with the cut up wrists!Who don't think they should exist!One day our light will shine!Our wings will be divine! Till then lets just chill!Lets drink some beer and pop some more damn pills!Don't hate on us just because we aren't sane!Don't meddle with us, We aren't the ones that feel all the pain!Most of us are just inhumane, Conscious lit up so small,We laugh at all of those old people that fall!

This song is for the kids with the cut up wrists!Who don't think they should exist!Maybe our rebellion will go through your fucking minds!This is our world! This is our light! This is our fucking time to shine!

Woot! I had a badass 4th of July, Me and my friend Justin aka Paul shared drinks all night, We went through so many beers, He ended up puking and thats the last we drunk, I was about to puke, Oddly enough I didn't get wasted or drunk off my ass, Had an amazing buzz though! Best damn night of my life, Watched South 83 (Band here in Winters) perform one of their last shows, Mainly all I did was drink and sing with some of the songs... I'm still buzzing from last night though >,< My bass guitar comes in 13 or so days, Can't wait! I might end up getting surgery on my leg... ^.^ I'll be metal man!! rawr! lmfao... Aight I'm out latazzzz and peaceeeeeeeeee!!!!!

So you might ask me... Justin (or Twistid) what have you been doing so far in your wonderful summer dreamland vacation! Well! So far I've dyed my hair black, got my highlights and tips, been working, drinking a Smirnoff a day keeps the doctor away (I like living by this rule...), and umm... I gave the money to my friend to buy my guitar... (bass)..., uhhhh I've been messing around town, eating food..., walking around town, listening to musik..., playing video games..., um... thats about it, yeah, I know what a grand summer right!? Well... so far its been my best =D, I like it so far, and just maybe! just maybe! I'll be nice enough to put a new pic of me up! And and can't forget this! I have a new nickname now! I am known as!!! The Emo Alcoholic! hahah... just cause i was born one (alcoholic) doens't mean I am one... right? Well >.> maybe thats why I just have a sudden craving for beer... or alcohol... all the time >,< But its only a Smirnoff a day... and maybe if my dad has it a few shots of whiskey or tequila... not enough to get me addicted or anything... >.> if I'm not already... Heheh... face it! I'm a emo alcoholic! woot! I like it!! lmfao...

Oh yeah I just want to say hi, to all my stalkers, fans, girls that want to rape me..., cause apperently alot of girls want to do that for some odd reason... idk why... if any girls that want to rape me msg me... explaining why and the causes of which I have provoked them or invoked them to doing so... Just... if you do see me... and run up to me and knock me out and drag me in a alley or your car... don't be too rough plz -.- my body has been through enough as it is... So... yeah... and plus I still need my leg to get better ><, but its all good, I'll wake up and just be like...wtf this is the third time this week! Nah... noone has raped me... yet... still a high possibility though... Maybe I should start wearing raggy clothes... and not brushing or wash my hair... but... i have to keep clean -.- can't be going around smelling all day... thats just sick... and plus i would scrub down there... gotta keep it clean... (its a personal thing... I think it is with everyone), but anyways,

I want to say hi to a few people that I know... Omo, LuigiFlore, ummm, cece, hugsnkisses, ummm esenhica..., squishyrox... and thats about it cause I can't really remember anybody else atm... idk if even half of those ppl are still on my friends list >.> but they are on my watchlist... which is pretty kool, i guess? But this journal entry is long enough... Ima going to go to bed cause I'm tired... and I need my 10 hours of sleep >.> or else im really cranky... and tired... hell I'm always tired... *sigh* well lataz everyone!