Sunday, December 28, 2008

i get it....i finally understand. before i looked at mom's who cried on that first day of kindergarten or sobbed as their child left for summer camp and laughed at what weak women they are and how silly it is to cry. i mean, the kid is coming home after a half day of kindergarten, and who wouldn't want a summer of peace while your kid is annoying someone else?

but now i get it. Iam going to be that mom. i know i will be because tonight is the first night that emerson is sleeping in her own room and it's killing me. i moved her hammock into her room earlier and then walked out of the room with tears in my eyes. i am such a sap. i was even playing the baby beatles lullabye cd while i rearranged things in there for her. and she was out in the livingroom with brad having a jolly old time while i listened to the baby instrumental version of "yesterday" and "i love her" with tear filled eyes, moving her furniture around to make it perfect for her tonight.

i thought she might have trouble sleeping in there tonight. maybe she would notice that she wasn't going to be sleeping in the same room as her mommy, or maybe she would sense that it just wasnt the same. ....she didnt..... she went right to sleep and hasnt made a peep since i put her down. she doesnt even care. she is ready for this teeny bit of independence...or at least, she is ignorant to it happening at all.

me? i'm a wreck! i keep going in and checking on her, to see if she is sleeping okay (she is in another room afterall!) and i keep checking to see if she is breathing. whereas when she was in my room, i would just look to see the rise and fall of her chest, now i dont trust that and i have to place my hand on her chest to feel her breathing....or maybe its just an excuse to touch her.

its time for me to go to bed now, and i just cant do it! i dont want to go into my empty room. i want to go cuddle up under her hammock or something. or just go rescue her from being alone and snuggle with her all night long in my bed. i miss her! it is so silly saying i miss her when she is just in the next room, but that is how i feel. :(

all this turmoil and she doesnt even know what is going on. she is fine with it all....just like the little kid is usually thrilled to go away to camp or finally move off to college, as mom is a sobbing mess. that mom is going to be me! i will be that slobbering puddle of mommy mush when she goes away to camp or college...while she looks at me and thinks to herself, "sheesh mom, cut the cord already!"

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Well...we had emerson's first christmas. it was pretty uneventful...meaning, she didnt get all that excited for her presents. what a stinker. hehe. actually we knew she obviously wouldnt know what was going on so we didnt really get her much. nannie and grampy got her some books and some toys...and actually one is this little star toy that she likes to stare at a lot. we got her a bumbo seat with a tray, which she loves sitting in. i think she just really enjoys sitting up on her "own". my independent little munchkin :) and we got her some small toys and a book. i opened the gifts for her, while "dominic the italian christmas donkey" played in the background. she wasnt too interested but i showed each gift to her anyway. then in the afternoon she became the super fussy baby. eh...there are good day and there are bad days, and i guess christmas she just wasnt feeling a good day. heh. it made it difficult to cook dinner and clean the house for people coming over but i guess that is the essence of having a baby, right? i forgive her though, because with a face like this, how can you not??? and here she is trying to duke it out with santa!

and these are just some extra pics taken in the last few days. she is just so darn cute!

Monday, December 22, 2008

well, truth be told, i have showered since i had emerson, but today was the first day that i showered while she was napping, without anyone watching her. it was very bold of me. usually i assume she will wake up soon so i dont even get into the shower...but today i decided once she fell asleep that i was going to shower. i expected to come out of the shower to hear her screaming her head off but she was still sleeping. in fact, she slept long enough for me to get dressed and do my hair!

so i was all showered and ready to go by 1pm today...which is a feat in itself.....but it as snowing, and brad was sleeping, so i didnt go anywhere. rats. i had emerson dressed all cute too! and all i did was clean the house...which as needed but it definitely wasnt what i had in mind for today. oh well. maybe tomorrow!

i also have cute pictures to post that i took yesterday and today but i need to upload them first...

Saturday, December 20, 2008

after a grueling week back at work, i am sooo happy to be home again with emerson! being out of work for 8 weeks was rough...i didnt think i could be a stay at home mom. but having a full time job and being a new mom is ten thousand times harder. that was probably the most exhausting week of my life! i am happy to have 2 weeks off to spend with emerson again. i feel like i missed out on so much by not being with her during the day and when i got home at night i was just so tired i feel like i didnt give her as much attention as i should have. but now we have 2 weeks to re-bond :) i know she had a great time with her dad though because she loves playing with him. they run from zombies and fight the zombies, and she is a big fan of doing the soulja boy dance too. she is pretty good at it. she also knows the time warp dance and can often be seen doing the "butt" dance. she's very active. hehe. i will post a video of her dancing once i figure out how to post my videos. its hilarious.

anyway, here are some new pics of my little muffin. she just keeps getting cuter! hehe.

look nannie...i'm wearing all BROWN! (and i like dressing like my mommy in brown and green..hehe)

emerson is so excited she might just be doing the soulja boy dance...looking cute in her new hat that nannie got her.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

this is what it takes to get a baby outside during winter in syracuse. although this little bundle of joy looks relatively content, don't be fooled! two seconds later she was screaming her head off...in fact, that's usually what she does after she is bundled up and put into her carseat. but pre- scream fest, she looks so darn cute all strapped in and bundled up :)

Monday, December 8, 2008

so we put our christmas tree up last night. its a fake. shhhh...dont tell anyone. i swore i would never own one but i was determined to put up a tree yesterday and i didnt want to spend much money or get a large tree. i was all determined to go to crtiz farms, where you can chop your own tree down, and get a small tree there but yesterday was a big snow storm and that just didnt happen. luckily target is across the street and they had a 4.5 foot cute fake tree. its the exact size i wanted...it just isnt real. dont be fooled though about the cleanliness of it because even though it's fake, i've still had to vacuum twice already due to needles falling off! hehe...

anyway, i put up the tree and emerson wasn't too interested..but she did love looking at the tree afterwards. she thinks it's the most beautiful tree she has ever seen! and she loves her ornament on the tree too....

Sunday, December 7, 2008

before i start with the main blogging..i thought i would add a picture i took 2 days ago. i dont know why but i love this picture. she looks like a tiny little munchkin in it. it makes me want to squish her! :)

anyway, the countdown begins.....in one week i will be going back to work. i am glad to be able to get out of the house and not feel so stir crazy all the time.....but i am nervous about being gone from emerson all day long. i have a semi routine going with her during the day when we aren't going anywhere. we wake up, i change her and feed her. then we play for a few and then i put her in her playmat while i try to pee and eat breakfast. after she gets tummy time in the playmat and starts to get frustrated, i take her out and play with her again for a bit. then i put her in her bouncer to talk to the baby in the mirror. hehe. she loves this. when she starts to get cranky i put her in the swing, where she will fall asleep for about a half hour. when she wakes up, i change her and feed her again and usually get her dressed for the day. then we continue about our day and most of the routine is out the window at that point but i enjoy our mornings....i'm going to miss them when i am at work. she is happiest in the morning and i am going to miss it! however, i certainly can use some money again.

Friday, December 5, 2008

i decided to take a moment a write another blog because well, i just needed to vent. i just spent the last 2 hours listening to emerson scream her head off. now i have a major headache. and now she is sleeping peacefully. phew. i think she has gas problems again which is fantastic. nothing i love better than a screaming gassy baby. i thought we were doing well on the formula we were on but maybe we should switch back to the soy formula instead. this is getting kind of crazy. babies are like little puzzles you have to piece together. only a bunch of pieces are missing and you have to figure out what to put there.

well....i'm going to go take some tylenol, or something and hope that it starts working before my lovely screaming child wakes up and we get to do it all over again...

that's right! you read that correctly. i said, if you want to save money, have a baby! i know that isn't the normal thinking...and upon reading that you must have thought to yourself that babies are so expensive and all that. well, i am here telling you differently. don't get me wrong, there are diapers and wipes and all that...but if you really wanted to save you could work on elimination communication and just use washcloths for accidents. and breastfeeding is free too. hehe..

i figured out one of the ways today that babies actually can save you money....it's because you no longer shower anymore. that's right...you don't spend the money on shampoo, conditioner, soap and all the other things you need for showering. and you will save on the water bill as well. this will save you even more money if you tend to buy expensive shampoos and body washes.

the drawback to this money saving technique is that you might start to smell. however, this also might work to your advantage since i read the other day that babies can tell their mom's by their smell. you won't have to worry that your baby doesn't know who you are....or even where you are, since they will be able to smell you so strongly. heck, you might not even need to hold them for comfort if they can just smell when you enter the same roon as them! the only disadvantage to that is that i feel bad for emerson...(or anyone really). just like i don't want to be the one with the stinky kid, i'm sure she doesn't want to have the smelly mom! she will either have to deal with it though, or learn to occupy herself for longer periods of time so that i can actually get a chance to shower....

of course, i can always shower when she sleeps right? well, as luck will have it, she slept 8 hours straight through last night! woot woot! only thing is that she didn't go to sleep until after 1am. so much for trying to get her on a 11pm schedule! i even started putting her to bed last night at 10:30pm. eventually i gave up trying to get her to sleep in her hammock and brought her into bed with me (with her sleep positioner so she can't go anywhere) and man, does she sleep better when she is with me. i wasn't even touching her! so, in theory, i could have showered last night at 1am, however, how many moms do you know that would sacrifice sweet slumber for a measly shower? not this one, that's for sure!

and so i slept very well last night and feel wonderful today.....even if i do smell a little :)

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

this is really a blog about me...but it does have to do with emerson too. actually one thing i wanted to blog about is all her fault. the other thing...well, it's my fault but it involves cute pictures of her.

if you are a little lost, i will explain. my pants dont fit anymore. none of them. and it's all her fault. i am actually 2 pounds below my pre pregnancy weight but somehow the pounds have redistributed themselves....and thus, none of my pants fit! my maternity pants are too big...they keep sliding down. and my pre pregnancy pants are way too tight. some i can button, and others are a lost cause. i have one pair of jeans that fit (and if you live near me, yes...they are the jeans i am wearing EVERY day since they are the only pants that fit). i go back to work on the 15th and i think i might have to go to work bottomless. that's right...no pants! i cant really wear my jeans to work...especially not every single day. and if i wear my maternity pants, i will end up showing quite a bit of crack to my students. granted, it would be pretty fair since i see their cracks often due to the low rise of pants these days! but, in the grand scheme of things, i would prefer to keep my crack to myself. i'm a private person like that. so....maternity pants are out.

i could wear the pre preggo pants that will button....and then i will have the most fabulous muffin top ever! gotta love muffin top. now that will definitely project me straight into loser mommy status. forget ever being the cool teacher again. cool teachers dont have muffin top.

so we are back to the jeans....which i cant wear to work. either that or go to work sans pants. and its all emerson's fault. ...and when i get fired for going to work with no pants on, i'll blame that on her too!

so the second thing...this is totally my fault. i lost my sd memory card for my digital camera. yep..i suck. and it had super cute pictures on it that i havent downloaded or printed yet. once again, i suck. i put it in my wallet to go to print out pics today, and then it magically disappeared. i can't find it anywhere. and i lost it before i even left the house. i think my wallet actually has a black hole in it or something. you would have loved the pics. damn. i would have loved the pics! i think i have looked everywhere. i will post the pics though if the black hole in my wallet ever spits the memory card back out.

i lied in my blog yesterday. i didn't go to sleep early. well, i went to sleep earlier than before, but only by a half hour. but i had so many things to do! and it was much easier to get them done while little miss emerson was sleeping....

speaking of her sleeping....so much for 11pm bedtime. i tried it again last night with no success. she wasn't having it. but i kept at it and only took her out once to change her diaper (man, that kid can pee!) and eventually she fell asleep at around 12:30am. so much for progress. but we are going to keep at it. she did sleep until 6:30am, so at least that was a nice 6 hour stretch...but since i didn't go to bed until 2:30am, it wasn't as great for me. but i got stuff done at least. and then as usual, she nursed and went right back to bed. once she is in bed it works out pretty well.

i also had set my alarm to wake up at 9am. gotta start getting used to getting up earlier and also getting her on a good schedule to not sleep the day away. yeah...so much for that too. i sayed in bed until almost 11am. she was even awake before me but she was cooing and being good so i stayed put.

anyway, today we are getting out of the house. we are going to the mall...again. yeah, i have no life. someone remind me...the next time i unexpectedly get pregnant to plan to have the baby in warmer months! hehe

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

last night emerson slept from 11:30pm-8:30am....straight through! woot woot! and then she woke up to nurse for about 5 minutes before falling asleep again until 10:30am. that would have been a great nights sleep...if only i had gone to bed before 3am. stupid me. oh well. it was a pretty good nights sleep anyway. hopefully she will do it again tonight. i swear i will go to bed earlier!

and as an added bonus....she is asleep right now! hehe. maybe, just maybe, we can get into a good schedule before i go back to work. i am even staying home today...even though it's KILLING me to be in the house all day. well actually, i might just go to the ymca later to work out...and i just need to get out of the house at least once a day. now i just need motivation to fold a million baby clothes, clean the house, write brad's mom a letter and address xmas cards.

....well, that might not all happen, but at least i've got a baby that sleeps! :)

Monday, December 1, 2008

well...it's supposed to be a one month appt but today emerson was actually 6 weeks old! i cant believe she is that old already! and she has gotten so big! we were at the mall tonight and i kept noticing babies who were smaller than her. i want to shrink her back! keep her little forever! although i love that she is smiling and last night she laughed...really laughed, for the 1st time. she is so cute when she smiles....

anyway, her appt went well. she is now 21 inches (At birth she was 19.25in) and weighs a whopping 8lbs 10oz! hehe..even though lots of babies weigh that (or more) at birth. it still seems big for her. so with those statistics, she is in the 35% for her height and 18% for her weight. she is still a little peanut for her age. however, her melon (head) is in the 56%percentile! she's got a big noggin like her daddy! haha. little body, big head! she must have an extra amount of brains or something. hehe. but aside from size, all is well. we are going to try to get her on a schedule, since she enjoys going to bed much too late for me to be able to function at work. not so sure how that is going to work (she is crying in her hammock right now :( ) but i am going to remain hopeful.

after her appt we went to babies r us to get some essentials for her..and to get a few christmas presents for her. i got her some toys. it was interesting picking them out, as there are too many options with only subtle differences. i kept showing the toys to her to see what she liked, but amazingly, she didn't care! this will probably be the only year she doesn't care. it certainly made choosing that much harder though! and believe it or not, i got her a toy that is pink and it plays music. i swore i wouldn't support toys that needed batteries but this one comes with batteries already in it, and it plays some nice songs, so i figured it was okay. and i bought her a wooden toy too so that kind of balances it out.

aside from the 3 or 4 toys i got her for christmas, i am starting a tradition with her. i bought her a snowbabies ornament for 2008. it is going to be her 1st christmas ornament and each year i am going to buy her a new snowbaby ornament. i also got myself one (its a snowbaby cuddling with a pink blanket) and wrote her name and birthday on it. i thought it would be neat to do something like that with all my future children too...(should i have any). i have also thought of buying her a xmas stocking that she can keep forever with her name on it...but i am having trouble finding one i like...or even finding one at all! my mother got her a stocking for this xmas so if i dont find one, she has that one for her toys but i would still like to have one for her that i can tell her she has had her whole life...

the last thing i might get for her ($$ willing) is some cloth diapers. its kind of my gift to myself (to save money), my gift to her (because there arent any yucky chemicals) and our gift to the enviroment (less waste). you can never start teaching the importance of that stuff too early! :)

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About Me

i'm a 31 year old single mom of 2 beautiful girls who are 14 months apart. life is crazy and i am working on trying to figure out this single mom thing...heck, i am still trying to figure out being a mom, let alone a single mom. i love my girls and we are all working on adjusting to our new lives...and each other!