Wonderflonium

Do Not Bounce

We went to a Newark Bears game last year and had a blast. We'd like to do it again. So the wife is checking the schedule and there's some promotional nights that we're not sure if they're a joke or not:

Highlights: Britney Spears arguably the Madonna of this generation has brought the issue of baby safety to the forefront of the American conscious. The Newark Bears know that the Pop Diva's public mishaps are far from intentional. It is her celebrity that has brought attention to the fact that not all new mothers in New Jersey are "not that innocent" when it comes to caring for their bouncing bundle of joy. The Bears invite you to The Den to receive information on different aspects of baby safety. Dress as a baby, present a baby toy or bring your baby (children 4 and under) to the ball park and receive FREE admission. AAA will be on hand to pass out information on car seat safety and raffle off a FREE car seat. Also enjoy a post-game fireworks spectacular presented by Garden State Fireworks, and the first 2,000 fans (18 and older) receive scratch off cards presented by New Jersey Lottery.

Highlights: The Bears celebrate THE religion of the 21st century. Come out to the ball park and get a chance to win copies of L. Ron Hubbard's Dianetics or DVD copies of the immortal Battlefield Earth. Come to the Newark Bears Box Office dressed as your favorite Scientologist (John Travolta, Tom Cruise), and receive FREE admission. Special appearance by Reggy the Purple Party Dude and enjoy a post-game fireworks spectacular.