DESCRIPTION: Thanks to the always helpful hand of Our Fairy Godmother in Bel Air, Your Mama has learned that moletasticmoe-dell Cindy Crawford and her nightclub impresariohuzbandRande Gerber, himself a former male mannequin, don't you know, are looking to lease an ocean front property they own in Malee-boo.

While most children will never get to frolic and freak with a nearly six foot tall woman who's blessed with the face of an angel and the bahdee of a porn hussy, but some reasonably deep pockets might help soothe a shriveled ego by coughing up considerable coinage to live in an ocean front house owned by a walking talking slice of American good looks and the picture of American capitalism at its finest. Where else can a gurl from Dekalb make bazillions of bucks just by allowing famous photogs to take pictures of her? Ah, America.

Anyhoo, listing information for the Crawford/Gerbers 4 bedroom and 3 bathroom house indicates that the comely couple are totally flex on lease terms (month to month, short term, long term, 1+ years all okay). They are asking $22,500 per month (furnished) for a long term lease and $35,000 per month (furnished) for a short term lease. All things considered, these prices are not that crazy compared to some of the many wildy high priced rental pads in the Boo. So grab your checkbooks and haul ass to Malee-boo to scoop this place up, because if you're rich and in the market for a rental in Malee-boo, it's practically a bargain.

Property records reveal that Mister Good Lookin' Gerber purchased the property back in April of 1998 for $1,850,000, right about the time that he and his cover gurl/Playboy poser became legally hitched. While the house sits cheek by jowl with a couple other ocean front houses, it is accessed down a gated and private street off the Pacific Coast Highway that ensures renting famous folks that looky loos and paps won't have an easy time watching them unload groceries or sunbathe topless (and/or bottomless) on the back deck.

If we're being critical, we'd say Mister and Missus Former Models need to ring up one of their nice gay decorator friends to do this place over proper. But realistically, it's set up just about the way Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter might set up a beach rental...stuffed full of odds, ends, and mixed and matched items we don't actually want in our own residence and don't care if they get ruined. Why provide the renters nice decor their party posse can vomit all over, allow their cats to claw or their loud children to put their scungee feet all over?

Although Your Mama isn't sure if Mister and Missus I'm Better Looking Than All of You ever lived in this house or not, but we do know that this property is definitely not the Malee-boo getaway the Mister and Missus Gerber currently occupy. Oh no puppies, when the super rich super model, her bizness man husband and their couple of loud children head north on the congested Pacific Coast Highway to their sandy hideaway, they park their fancy whips here:Uh, yeah. Can you believe that shit? That's four damn mini houses that make up the Crawford/Gerber compound, which sits a few miles up the PCH from the available rental. Don't let anyone tell you that looking good won't get you nothing but a heartache and too much attention from pervy men, because they're lying and they're probably just bitter and uglee people. So all you bitches who wannabe America's Next Top Model, well, lookee what real estate pornography cold be in your skinny ass future if you make it big on the catwalk and marry a man who makes butt loads of money.

29 comments:

Anonymous
said...

Yeah, but if you want to rent for Jun, Jul & Aug then I'm guessing it will be more like $40K - $60K a month

Their main house is stunning, a bit far out for me ... I wouldn't go beyond Broad Beach but it's still beautiful ... Though I can imagine the peace being shattered when Brad & Angelina are in residence 5 mins along the beach ... The paparazzi then take to the water for pics ...

Their actual 'Boo pad is suh-weet. I'm on the record for not liking Malibu that much, but I do love the beach houses that have a little height from the actual beach. Let the guests and staff get taken out by the tidal wave.

As for the rental, it's got great views and yeah, the furnishings aren't superb, but if Lindsay Lohan's going to trash the place celebrating her first day of sobriety, why break out the Brunshweig & Fils?

Bet the listing's reference to "furnished," is not this furniture; at least not the big pieces featured (long-gone staging inventory?). Location's beautiful. Settle in before weekend tie ups and relax. This was a great 1998 investment! Wow.

Hey Bentley. The Encinal Bluffs are about as private as Malibu gets, assuming there aren't helicopters around. This house sits in between a few public access points, but most beach-goers will go to Leo Carillo (a bit north) or Zuma (a bit south). In other words, I doubt there's a parade of strangers rubbernecking as they walk by. Further, this house is relatively unusual in having that pair of cottages right on the beach...most structures on neighboring properties will be atop the bluff (about where the main house sits), so more private.

Incidentally, I doubt there's any way the Coastal Commission is gonna let anyone slap up a guest house and studio down by the beach these days, so you basically need to find existing structures if you want them...these ones were definitely remodeled to suit the look of the (I'm sure) remodeled/rebuilt main house. It's a major selling point, kinda like an existing dock in Newport Harbor. Downside with this property, though is a lot that's so narrow.

I'd guess the "garage door" by the pool opens up to reveal a bar. Hurrah!

Sorry, I just don't get the appeal of Malibu....all that sitting in traffic to overpay for houses (at the beach) generally so close to one another you can hear your neighbor farting in the shitter and (in the hills) that you constantly have to worry are going to get burned down or mud-slided into oblivion...I really, really just don't get it

Sorry, I just don't get the appeal of Malibu....all that sitting in traffic to overpay for houses (at the beach) generally so close to one another you can hear your neighbor farting in the shitter and (in the hills) that you constantly have to worry are going to get burned down or mud-slided into oblivion...I really, really just don't get it

Nice, (if narrow) piece of property; the beachfront cottage is my favorite ; so what if I get swept away by the next tsunami? What a way to go out in style!

Not going to say a word about the glassed in decks, though, for obvious reasons . . .

;-)

The interior is kind of blah, but nothing in it would make me cry over some spilt red wine (except perhaps the waste of a good vintage!) Perfectly comfortable, throwaway furniture for a rental; and who cares anyway? I'd be outside all day admiring the view.

All it needs is a funicular; I am NOT hauling my ass all the way down those steps to the beach - perhaps the rental includes a pool boy who would carry me?

No funicular necessary LGB, the rental property sits right on the sand.

I for one get Malibu. I don't know where all of you go to the beach, but many (but not all) of the beach communities I'm familiar with are tightly packed and quite expensive. There's very little ocean front property and a lot of people want a piece of it.

I get Malibu too; we here on Long Island have miles and miles of devine, white, sugar-sandy beaches open to the public.

Yet you still have the traffic (ever sit on the LIE, the Northern or Southern State or Meadowbrook Parkways at rush hour?) And most of the easily accessible public beaches are jam packed every day.

That's what the Hampton's are for - a little further out, but the crowds are much less and the houses certainly further apart from each other. But there are no dramatic cliffs to speak of until you reach Montauk, just gently swelling dunes that allow you to set your house back from the flood line and still see the ocean.

Even though I've always preferred Newport/Laguna, I "get" Malibu -- I know there are people who can't stand NB (where I live) and it just comes down to where you feel at home and what you want in a place.

What Malibu does well is offer a veritable smorgasbord of property types and locations to suit almost anyone's taste. La Costa, Carbon Beach, Broad Beach and the Colony if you want to be right on the sand with a fancy address. Point Dume if you want the feel of a suburban family neighborhood. The bluffs if you want an estate. Big Rock for those who want the best waterfront value. Etc. etc. Malibu's landside options are just as diverse. And, depending on where you are and when you're traveling, it's not that big a schlep into Santa Monica or Thousand Oaks. Plus the weather's great and there's a generally relaxed atmosphere. And you can't discount how much people love to say they live in Malibu.

This is what I didn't like about living there: A surprisingly limited number of bars and restaurants you'd actually want to patronize. No bookstore. Crappy old cinema. The hassle of getting anywhere on summer afternoons and during rush hour. The 45+ minute drive home at 2 in the morning any time you go to see a band on the Strip.

Of course if it's just a weekend house, most of this is moot. But for a primary residence, Malibu isn't my idea of heaven. And I totally understand why it is heaven for other people.

Thanks for the heads-up, 3:07. I last lived there in 2004 and Diesel must have opened after that...strike "no bookstore" from my list...is it in the Ralph's center? Or over at Cross Creek/Country Mart maybe?

And I love sushi as much as the next guy, but not enough to keep me from getting bored out there...

Think it opened in 2004 if my memory serves me right[?] Been opened for quite sometime anyway ... Yeah, it's at the Country Mart ... well, Cross Creek Center but I'm not one for splitting hairs! Just next to Marmalade etc..

I guess it's just me than, must be the fact that it's the closest beach in proximity to LA...I totally get the hamptons and Palm Beach, Fla - true both have traffic and crowds, but not nearly the congestion and cramped-ness along the beaches of Malibu...c'est la vie, to each their own, I understand and respect the opinions of all of you who have tried to educate me on the virtues of malibu, it just isn't my cup of tea (been there, didn't get what all the hype was about...)