Your Blogging Staff

Contributing to this blog:
- "Dave" is Dave Barry, who is a humor columnist and presidential contender.
- "judi" is Judi Smith, who is Dave's Research Department, as well as being interested in men.
- "Walter" is Walter, a bone from the penis of a walrus.

January 31, 2006

NEWS IN THE NEWS

Possibly inspired by this blog's high-quality and insightful live coverage of 24, the Wichita Eagle newspaper editorial board blog is going to be blogging the State of the Union speech tonight, and apparently you can comment on the speech while it is being delivered. I mention this because (a) the higher powers at Knight Ridder asked me to, and (b) the publisher of the Eagle, Mr. Lou Heldman, once performed "The Tupperware Song" with me live in front of 1,000 Tupperware distributors. Also in the band were Mr. Gene Weingarten and Mr. Tom Shroder of the Washington Post. Here is an account of our performance. God knows how far we could have gone as a band if we had not been destroyed -- like so many great musicians -- by journalism.

My ex-mother in law (RIP) was a Tupperware dealer, and in the interest of family harmony what with being a newlywed and all, I attended many of her "parties". (That's what they call them *snork*). After only being married for a few months I owned every single item that Tupperware made, including the highly prized *star* of the line, the cake plate with cover!!!
I was the envy of my neighborhood!
/

I will be working my trivia game tonight so I will not be watching or recording this president because Trivia is far more interesting, and he doesnt have a First Lady Cleavage for eye candy during the standing Os

Just in case the state of Kansas gets touchy and write the blog huffy memorandi, it is Wichita, not Witchita. They could invoke an obscure interpretation of libel laws that could lead to several dozens of dollars changing hands. Otherwise, I would never dare edit Dave's writing for content.

A company that rhymes with Champered Pef holds very Tupperware-esque "parties". They sell some very sharp knives that their dealerettes demonstrate. Our dealerette went to great lengths to outline safety procedures of the paring knife right before she seemed to sever the main artery in her middle finger. Plucky dealerette that she was, fresh from Champered Pef boot camp, she forged on, saying,"If I hold my hand over my head it doesn't seem to spurt as much." She then proceeded to attempt to demonstrate other of the Champered Pef items despite the arterial spray and light-headedness.
None of this has to do anything with the State of the Union Blog but it does go to show the greatness of capitalism in America and makes me proud to be an American.

Wait, maybe the cannisters are for the speech. To show off that they could get canisters into the building. Very likely the terrorists will get lost and some how blow up New Jersey. No one in New Jersey will notice.

Man that was mean. I have never actually been to any of the Eastern united States. So please shoot me in the thigh.

Is knight ridder trying to be a proper monarchy by making jokes at a politicians speech. Can't they get there own Jokes? Or are there jokes that bad that even the teller can't get it.

Dave, are you sure the Powers That Be meant for you to mention it here, in the blog? Do they not know what sort hangs out here?

I wonder if the Wichita Eagle realizes they're about to be overrun with blog comments suggesting that Bush should shoot somebody in the thigh, or drop Audrey already... let alone comments about the first lady's cleavage.

Oh, TCK, that is the ONLY way to attend one. Blender drinks of any sort also make the time go much quicker. However, if tequila is involved, just don't order anything, otherwise you end up with 38 paring knives and a cooking stone in the shape of West Virginia, not to mention a headache of the magnitude that you can hear your eyes blink individually. You've been warned.

Crabby A - your host has to use decent tequila in the margaritas, then no headache. I read it in Ann Landers. But yes, you're right - I had no clue what the heck I ordered until it came. Quite the fun time, though!

Umm.. have you seen the length of the threads over there? Dave? Are we trying to crash their server? Will I be forced to robot? Will they *gasp* require I register? So many questions, so gonna need another bottle of Cuervo.

Eleanor - re: tupperware. I wound up with 24 containers with NO TOPS. I know you can buy just the tops, which I did once...then finally got rid of MOST of the tware in favor of the stuff you can just throw away when you get tired of it.

I think Dave is using us as a WMD - weapon of mirth distribution. He knows that if we hit that blog tonight, they'll never keep up with us. He is probably tired of Knight Ridder bugging him, and never wants to speak to Lou Heldman again.

He's using us as something. Did you see how looooong their posts were? And definitely NOT satiric, satanic, sarcastic, sardonic, sadistic, sophmoric, sophistic, scatological, scattered...or...or...even funny.

daisymae~ Lots of short posts that don't relate to anything serious. Being able to draw parallels between pres weenie and pres weenie will garner extra points. Working the word 'booger' into a coherant statement earns 50 points. Person with the most points wins.
Umm.. not sure what they win, aside from maybe my undying admiration for being able to outtype the politicos over there.

can we work in some faux political rhetoric such as militant familiarism, pro-political connotations, leftist ambiguity, rampant boogerality,etc.?
The next blogger in could act like he understands and carry it further.

Rampant boogerality obviously skewed (sp?) by the left wing conspiracy. Possibly heavily influenced by the potential communist neo rivival. It's as painful to watch as a pair of surgical scissors to the neck.

TRWC/Judi - I don't think Weasel has Dreamweaver, but he isn't on the computer very much these days so I wouldn't wait around email Smarvin or lab will be your best bet. OR Judi email me the file and I will put it on my web server and link to it there. It worked for PollyPI songs.

It is in your best interest, when visiting our Wichita Eagle Blig, to wear an aluminum hat. If you fail to do so, you will probably end up teaching your kids Intelligent Design, and I ain't talking Logos.

By the way, Eleanor, our tupperware is made out of cast iron . . . try nukin' that!

OK, as far as going over to the other blog tonight, where a welcome mat has been laid down for us, there is a bloglit over there who ends every post with "Viva la raza blanca" --- Let the white race live.

TRWC - He is taking night classes to that end, but I don't think he has it on his home computer and he starts classes again next week. Thanks for thinking of him though. His day job has nothing to do with graphic design and thanks for the link, but I don't really want to watch the speech I will be heading home soon. And big Hugs to you and the wee one.

Ditto TCK. On both counts.
*smooch*
But you can't fight a battle of wits with the unarmed. You also can't argue a point with people who are too close minded to see anything but their own hand in front of their faces.

And I got in a booger and a neener and a mention of a po*n star. *giggles*

I was just wanderin' along when I suddenly ran into an earworm! (see mad and judi's posts a few scrolls up) Now I have :

Ooh dream weaver
I believe you can get me through the night
Ooh dream weaver
I believe we can reach the morning light
Fly me high through the starry skies
Maybe to an astral plane
Cross the highways of fantasy
Help me to forget today's pain