Dear Lifehacker,
I get a lot of email at my job. Some messages are very frustrating and unreasonable, but I try to put on my professional email persona and answer them helpfully. The problem is, this leaves me feeling really irritated, and I dread having to check my email every day. How can I stop thinking about these emails all day and better deal with rude people?

Sincerely,
Rude Responses

Dear RR,
We know how you feel. Getting (and answering) rude emails is something many of us have to deal with, and it can really put a damper on your day. Luckily, we have a few tricks that should help you get through those emails without a problem and move on.

Don't Answer Them Right Away

It's annoying when someone starts lashing out at you over email, but it's even worse when you become the rude one. If you have a tendency to start jabbing back when someone's rude to you (like I do), star these messages and skip over them for now. Come back to them later, after you've had a chance to let them sink in, and they probably won't anger you quite as much. You'll stop dwelling on the email problem, send nicer responses back, and be able to move on with your day more effectively.

It's also worth noting that, unless you have to respond to every email (like if you work in customer service), sometimes you're better off just ignoring them. Some people are just not worth the trouble, especially if they haven't taken time to be civil, and you'll be able to move on a lot easier if you just hit that delete button. It isn't an option for everyone and every email, but sometimes it's the best course of action. Photo by Michael Raskop.

Use Text Expansion to Elicit Nicer Responses

One thing that we've found particularly effective around here is using text expansion—that is, typing long blocks of text with just a few keystrokes—to respond without having to actually engage yourself. All you need to do is create a snippet for rude emails, and set it to expand to a message like:

In a regular day, most of us type the same things over and over again, wasting an enormous amount…
Read more Read more

I'm open to hearing what you have to say and having a discussion about it, but I have a policy of ignoring people who take a malicious approach to conversation. I felt something that you said fell under this heading, and if you'd like to try again with a kinder approach, I'd be happy to have a conversation with you.

A lot of people, in their fits of anger, don't even realize how rude they're being with their first message. After getting something like this, they'll calm down quickly and sometimes even apologize, letting you escape the rudeness problem entirely. Photo by David Francis.

Kill Them With Kindness

Unfortunately, some people are just stubborn and will be a jerk either way. In those situations, the best thing you can do is cool off, answer their email as kindly as you can, and move on to your other messages. In these situations, two things are key:

Acknowledge their frustration. Even a simple "I get why this frustrates you" can go a long way.

Solve their problem as best you can. And, if you can't solve their problem, explain why you can't. Perhaps the thing their disgruntled with was created to solve another problem, or maybe it's just out of your hands—in which case, let them know you'll pass their concerns on but there's nothing you specifically can do about it at this time.

Again, make sure you're as polite as possible in these situations, because if you let yourself get angry, you're giving legitimacy to their rudeness. Text expansion can be pretty helpful here, especially for key phrases (like "I understand your frustration" or "Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do at this time but send your concerns onto my superiors").

Find a Cool-Headed Email Buddy

The problem with rude emails is that we take them so personally. You can avoid letting them get to you by enlisting a cool-headed friend to help you draft your responses. If you feel you're having a particularly hard time answering a question or doing it in a collected manner, send a draft over to a friend (who is personally removed from the situation) and see what they say—whether you should send it, tweak it, or just let it go. Sometimes an outside opinion can really clear things up for you.

When You're Done, Move On With Your Day

Lastly—and this is the hardest part—you just need to convince yourself that it's not getting worked up over. We've talked about how to stop caring about trolls and get on with your life, and while rude emailers aren't necessarily trolls in the strictest sense, a lot of the same rules still apply. Rude people will always exist, and you'll never be able to please everyone. Tell yourself that they aren't worth the energy, and get on with your day. You have more important things to do, and more important people to help.