Contentment v Happiness… FIGHT!

Contentment is spending my Christmas money from family on 3 fabulous pin-up dresses in my size, 20 (UK) or 2X (US). But happiness is spending a small amount of it on a great sports bra, second-hand weights and kettlebells, and a workout t-shirt. And then putting the rest aside til you don’t need to buy size 20/2X any more and can buy smaller clothes.

I have been reading the NerdFitness website since Christmas Eve and it is amazing. Best Christmas present I ever accidentally found. I am inspired. More to the point, I am excited about exercise. I have never felt like that before.

I am Boudi of London, and I am burdened with glorious porpoise!

O HAI

Moving on…
I originally set up Operation Boudicca as a ‘sister page’ on Facebook to Operation Thor. There are plenty of inspiring and gorgeous women on OB (and men on OT) who are keen to improve their health and fitness, and are indeed doing so. But I have fallen off the wagon, and into a Death Star made of cake.

Why?

1. I’m lazy. I would much rather take the warm comfy bus than walk. I would rather sleep in than get up and work out. I can’t be bothered to make the effort. (I have lived in baggy tops and wide leg ‘boyfriend’ jeans for years rather than make the damn effort to dress for my body shape. Cello, if you’re interested. It’s like an hourglass, only a whole lot bigger.)

2. I make excuses to myself. My knee hurts and it might get worse. I have depression. I’m tired. I don’t have a good sports bra. I don’t know how to exercise properly without hurting myself (I used this for years following a pulled back muscle on a rowing machine). My gym is full of snobby people who judge me.

3. I like cake. (What, you were expecting something more complex? More Freudian? Sometimes a Swiss Roll is just a Swiss Roll.)

Let’s address these, then, if they’re bothering me that much.

I would much rather take the warm comfy bus than walk. OK, so taking the bus when it’s crappy weather is allowed. But in good weather? I’m going to walk if I can from now on. If I can’t walk it, I’ll try and cycle it once I have a bike (yeah, this is cash-dependent, but doable within the next 2 months AFAIK). Also, no more getting off at the bus stop outside my house. I’m going to get off two stops ahead and walk the rest of the way.

I would rather sleep in than get up and work out. Clearly, I am not doing things to make my life awesome. Let’s take someone who I reckon has an awesome life: Tony Stark.

Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.

If my life were that awesome would I want to sleep? Hell no. Does Tony Stark sleep til past noon? No, because Jarvis would kick his iron ass. I am going to channel my inner Jarvis. If anyone would like to give Paul Bettany my phone number, I’ll happily accept his early alarm calls. OH YES. Til then, I’ll have to make do with an imaginary Jarvis kicking my not-yet-iron ass.

My knee hurts and it might get worse. Yeah, so it hurts because I am exercising wrongly, or not warming up right, or because (you think?) I am CARRYING AROUND 259 WHOLE POUNDS ON THIS FRAME. Did I ever have knee pain or back pain when I weighed 147 pounds? Hell no. Warm up, stretch, and take things slowly to begin with. If the knee REALLY hurts, I’ll take it to a doctor or sports physio.

I have depression. OK, personal life demons aside, of course I have freaking depression. I have no job, my creativity output is way down, I’ve beaten bulimia but still battle emotional eating, I feel ‘stuck’ at life, and I can’t afford to see the psych I love working with. But think how stoked I’m going to feel when I get more endorphins and more energy holding me up. I need to think of exercise as my Iron Man suit. (Errr, this is my second Tony Stark reference in one post, which is a little worrying for my obsession with Loki.) Maybe I can’t beat depression by exercising and building a better body and better health, but I can damn well shake my ass in it’s face while singing Ner-ner-ni-ner-ner, you-can’t-get-me.

I don’t have a sports bra. Well, you just sold a ton of ill-fitting clothes on eBay, so go get fitted and buy one. Duh. Or hire Iron Man to hold your boobs in place. (OMG, IRON BRA! I need to make one of these. AAAAAAH! with a wee glow-in-the-dark arc reactor on the centre gore. Dammit, 3rd Tony Stark reference, doooooom.)

My gym is full of snobby people who judge me. It’s not all about me – those jocky guys I think are going ‘wow, what a whale’ and the lipglossy blondes I think are going ‘wow, I’m so much prettier than her’ are probably just thinking ‘what’s my next set of reps again?’

I don’t know how to exercise properly without hurting myself. Well, I’ve now seen videos, ebooks and tips on NerdFitness, and I have friends who exercise a lot. So I’ll ask for help. I’ll get advice. I’ll learn. I can’t immediately speak a foreign language if I were to sign up for a year-long class. Why should I think I can immediately do every deadlift or squat correctly without learning the basics? It’s like me trying to ask in Russian for two tickets to Theatre in the Park and actually asking the box office clerk if he’s wearing his mother’s drapes.
+2 XP if you understood that reference.
+4 XP if you understood the reference about understanding that reference. (I could go on all day but I would run out of XP.)

He’s praying you did. Don’t make little Stevie sad.

I like cake. Well, the Paleo diet from what I’ve seen has a ton of awesome dessert recipes which are low-GI, tasty, and still fit within the primal food range. As NerdFitness says, diet is at least 80% of success or failure when it comes to changing your body. Paleo has done great things for some of my friends and it sounds really tasty and doable. More on Paleo later, but suffice it to say that I am going to be trying this for a 30-day minimum trial.

In fact, this whole thing is a 30-day minimum trial. There’s no point signing up for less. I get pissed when I hear beauty companies saying that anti-aging (or in my case, anti-rosacea) products should show results immediately, or within 3 days or whatever. I firmly believe that something like this would take 30 days to make proven changes. So I have taken a photo of me now, as I am, 259 lb and stats 46-42-51. It’s a crap photo, but I’ve sent it to Steve. (Uh… Steve at NerdFitness, not Steve Rogers. I am not sending underwear shots to Captain America. YET.) I will take a more accurate/honest one (the lighting is low here, and my phone cam sucks) when I get home and get to my camera, rather than my brickpaperweight mobile phone. I will not take any more measurements (including weight) for the next 30 days. As NerdFitness’ Steve advises all noobs who don’t want to gank themselves (self-sabotage sucks), I will then take another photo in the same clothing, weigh myself, and take stats measurements again, at the same time of day as the first, at the end of those 30 easing-into-Paleo-and-exercise days.

I’m posting this up now rather than on Jan 1st 2013 because I don’t want it to feel like a New Years Resolution. I always break those things, and this isn’t an NYR. It’s a full time lifestyle change. I hope that the ladies and gents of Operations Thor and Boudicca on Facebook will drop by to either comment or talk about their own journeys (I’m happy to host guest spots and success stories!) and I hope that one by one I can, as NerdFitness’ Steve has done, start ticking off the items on my Epic Quest – like a bucket list but more nerdy. That link is Steve’s, I need to build my own. I’ll post it on here when I’m done.

I have various fandoms and geekeries, but I shall leave you with a quote from one of my favourites:

“It does not do to dwell on dreams, and forget to live.” – Albus Dumbledore

Workout plan: pulls open giant double wooden doors.Effect: he is so badass he only looks bewildered.

(Is it a coincidence that he sounds like he has the word ‘dumbbell’ in his name? I THINK NOT. Fitness-wizards FTW!)