SEX: Compatibility. Consequences. Timing.

I recently wrote an article entitled, “Compatibility: 11 Point Checklist Challenge” (http://www.yourtango.com/proconnect/201064124/dating-compatibility-11-po...). I deliberately left the category of sexual compatibility off my checklist. My rationale for doing so hinges on one reason: the topic of sex and sexual compatibility deserves a separate, more in-depth discussion. Sexual compatibility is a benchmark for long-term relationship success. In order for a relationship to thrive, both people should share a similar level of passion and interest for sex, and sexual exploration. Compatibility aside, when discussing sex, the issue of timing is equally as important.

In general, men and women have opposing perceptions regarding sexual readiness. The majority of men would like to have sex immediately (give them a break ladies, its physiology), while most women would like to wait for a certain amount of time to pass before committing to sex. Guys, I’m sure you already know this, but I would like to take this opportunity to restate the obvious… Women take longer to determine sexual readiness because of two fundamental factors: safety and self-preservation. A woman must feel safe in order to engage in sexual activity, but she also knows she needs to protect her heart from becoming vulnerable.

To the women in the dating marketplace wondering how to protect your heart from vulnerabilities, I would like to say this: beware of falling down the sexual rabbit hole before it is the right time for you and your standards. Once you’ve had sex, you can never revert back to life before sex. Someone has seen you naked, this is permanent and irreversible. Tread cautiously when considering sex… Are you looking for a one-night-stand? Are you are in search of a serious relationship? Determine if you are absolutely ready to give your body to someone. Because when a man has seen you in the buff, he will (initially) have a difficult time remembering you clothed… He will be in full pursuit, hungry for your next naked rendezvous. This is a compliment, but may purpose a challenge if you are not truly comfortable with the timing of your sexual encounter. (And if the sex was disappointing, that’s a different topic for a different day.) So you can try to climb out of the sexual rabbit hole, but it will be fruitless; sex is not reversible. Moreover, anyone who tells you there is no such thing as “sex without consequences” has never had sex.

1. Change The Way You Think

When it comes to matters of the heart, we're all guilty of making excuses about why we didn't put ourselves out there. But contrary to popular belief, it isn't easier said than done. Laurel's advice?

"Trying" is a pre-emptive excuse for failure or not doing it at all. Do your best. Have zero excuses. If you don’t find success, make a midcourse correction and try a different tact. Keep at it until you do find success."

3. Take A Deep Look At Yourself

3. Take A Deep Look At Yourself

If you can't seem to put your finger on why you've had bad luck in the dating field, take a moment to really look at yourself. This may sound crazy but our choices tend to reflect how we feel about ourselves.

If you wouldn't date yourself, you need to start working on a "you" that you can be proud of!

4. Figure Out What You Really Want

4. Figure Out What You Really Want

If you're really devoted to finding the perfect guy in the new year, knowing what you're looking for can make a huge difference. Laurel mentions that asking yourself these questions will put you on the right track:

What's most important to you?

Where do you stand when it comes to priorities in life? What do you stand for?

5. Get Rid Of Your Baggage & Hangups!

5. Get Rid Of Your Baggage & Hangups!

Hanging onto past relationships definitely won't do your love life any favors. It's time to say goodbye to all of the emotional hangups and baggage (including old flames) that held you back in 2014 so you can look forward to a better 2015.

If the relationship didn't impact your life in a positive way, it's not worth holding onto. And if you have a persistent ex, this 12-step program will help you keep your sanity and move on.

7. Be Confident!

7. Be Confident!

Ladies, confidence is sexy! Seriously, there's nothing better than a girl who knows what she wants and also knows her worth, which is why Laurel says it's imperative that your date knows "there truly are plenty of fish in the sea and you can easily pull another guy just as great or better than he is if need be." This has nothing to do with being arrogant; it's all about being confident in yourself.

When it comes to matters of the heart, we're all guilty of making excuses about why we didn't put ourselves out there. But contrary to popular belief, it isn't easier said than done. Laurel's advice?

"Trying" is a pre-emptive excuse for failure or not doing it at all. Do your best. Have zero excuses. If you don’t find success, make a midcourse correction and try a different tact. Keep at it until you do find success."