And I noticed it most when he began to speak to me. Amidst the vibrations of the swiftly moving train that drowned out the stutter in his mumbling. But I heard a little bit. And the little bit was this:

“Hi you have you…have….you have pretty eyes…very pretty. I like them…they’re good eyes and and and and I am…I AM a good person who needs people because I am good…I am…I am good. I am. And sometimes…SOMETIMES people don know that beeeecause they they think because I look like thisss and t-t-talk like this I am crazy. I just like to talk. To people. I like to talk to them, okay? Okay? I’m so s-s-s-sorry.”

His raggedy red hat was barely threaded together.

His big blue coat wore aged stains from the city.

His hands

His face

His body

were the product of his estranged cousin, hygiene.

And I liked him.

And I’ll tell you why

He continued to talk

“I just like to talk and and also I go. And I buy these grocery bags of f-f-foood. Not for me though. No no…not for me. For the homeless. The people. Those people who who who don’t have homes and then I go to the stores. To the many stores and I put these snacks in bags. Good snacks. And I leave them un-der the seat on the subways. Just in case, j-j-just in case they they find them.”

By this time the people across the way were half-smiling in my direction, hoping to make eye contact with the girl in the green trench coat. Eye contact that said “this man is crazy!” And it really wasn’t until I glanced my eyes in their direction that I noticed a small white grocery bag crinkled beneath their feet.

I looked back at the man with the raggedy red hat, and noticed an identical bag wrapped around his fingers, swinging from his hands. And in the bag I saw a wrapper for ramen noodles, some candy, some juice, some crackers, a few –

“Ladies and Gentleman! I hope you are having a lovely day!”

The familiar tune of the homeless beg echoed throughout the train. The impoverished man stepped onto the subway and began to recite his speech, clutching an empty box under his left arm. And pacing the train from

Left

To

Right

He looked terrible.

Even worse than the man in the raggedy red hat.

He was tall and frail with wrinkles that dripped

down from his eyes.

He looked tired. And desperate. Much like all of them looked. And told us a story about how he was homeless. Much like all of them did. He said he didn’t mean any harm. And if we could please please spare some change then he would really appre-

“S-s-s-stop! St-op! You you don’t have to do that.”

By this time the man in the raggedy red hat had completely stood uP, inadvertently drawing the attention of the entire train. He unraveled the grocery bag from his fingers and handed it to the wrinkle-dripped man. And then he said

“I have I have I have been looking for you. And hoping that if I was not he-re. You’d at least find this. P-p-p-please don’t be hungry. And p-p-p-lease don’t beg because of it. Okay? Okay? This is for you.”

The wrinkle-dripped man looked at the bag.

And then back at him.

His body was so close to me. Close enough that I could see every scar worn on his face. Every unthreaded stripe

u

n

r

a

v

e

l

i

n

g

from his cotton sweater. Every strand of his uncombed hair. All the clothes that were worn unwashed. And he said thank you. No, he yelled it. He yelled:

Thank you. Thank you so much. And may god bless him.

And the man in the raggedy red hat told him

He should never beg for something he deserved.

And one stop later – he exited the train.

And as soon as he did.

The girl in the green trench coat glanced across the train to make eye contact with the rest. Eye contact that said “That was incredible!” But instead saw them laughing. And then I heard a voice behind me. It was a woman. Talking to another woman. The one in front of me wore a feather down jacket. And the one behind me was neatly pinned in a camel-colored coat.

And then woman in the camel-colored coat

Had light hair

And light eyes

And perfect speech.

I could tell when I heard her speak. Amidst the vibrations of the swiftly moving train that drowned out her spontaneous judgments. But I heard a little bit. And the little bit was this:

“What a creep! What kind of creep leaves food for people?! That’s so dangerous! And disgusting. He probably poisoned it for all we know. There are some sick people out there. No way I’d trust a guy like that.”

And I couldn’t help but wonder

If I told the woman in the camel-colored coat

That it was me

who left the bags.

The bags of food of ramen and crackers

For the homeless to find.

Just in case.

Would she have said what she said?

Would she trust the girl in the clean green trench coat, well-washed hair and perfectly sound speech…instead? And if so, would that be why? Would my appearances and genetically unscathed mindset, make the same deed, a good one? A better one?

And wondering how often good deeds are measured in relevance to the person who does them rather…than what they actually are.

And it kind of made me think. About how we live within this not so invisible hierarchy. How 2 people can recite the same line, the same idea, the same action. And how one can go unnoticed while the other turns to gold. How:

2 Equally qualified men in business suits can sit down for an interview.

But the better-looking one will walk away with the prize

How 2 people can make the same joke

But the more popular person will get the laugh

How my friend told me the other day that an exec in her office helped her pick up papers that he she had dropped

But never mentioning that the man in the mail room that helped her every day.

And how we’ve all been that person once. And how it’s okay to remind ourselves that we really are worth what we do. And everyone else is too.

38 Responses

Amen. What a great post! I agree with all that you wrote wholeheartedly. I look forward to your posts arriving in my inbox! We love helping those who cannot help themselves, and that is why every year we help give back to our APL where we rescued our two dogs from their horrible situations. We are collecting donations for the APL right now, and if you, and others could make a donation it would help those animals who need our help! Every and all donations matter, no matter the dollar amount as it all adds up. Here is the link if you would like to help too: http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/nikitaland/2013-doggy-dollars-kitty-kash Too many times do we see abused and abandoned animals on the street and wonder how we can help, this is one way to help them. Thank you, and keep writing those wonderful blog posts that I thoroughly enjoy! Have a great day!

Aw, thank you so much for making a donation to help those animals that need our help! Something needs to be done to help them and we are glad to do our part! We look forward to your help & donation! THANK YOU!

Everytime you write something it amazes me. Always so well thought out, always thinking about other people, thinking thoughts that no one else does. Basically the opposite of my blog. Thanks for inspiration Monday!

I really appreciate your endearing compliment. I really do spend a lot of time and thoughts on my posts. All of my thought processes when these things happens are pretty spontaneous, but relaying them through words is definitely something I spend a lot of my time on. Happy to give you a dose of inspiration on this classic Monday. Heres to hoping it made yours just a little bit brighter (: – Olive

I actually spend more time on mine than I should but it takes a lot to craft a carefully bitter approach to everything. I also love the creativity with the letters and the spacing. It makes it especially cool when just the letters convey a story too. You are the Cindy Lu Who to my Grinch bitter heart.

Yeah! The spacing and the lettering were definitely something I took a risk on. Wasn’t sure how people would react to it. But thought that it might create for a more exciting and visual experience to revamp the classic style of reading. Glad you enjoy it! And your last line made me laugh. Hahaha. Happy to be of service!

You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this matter to be really something which I think I would never understand. It seems too complex and extremely broad for me. I’m looking forward for your next post, I will try to get the hang of it!

Thanks specifically for this wonderful perspective. The more world I experience the more I realize what a big lie most people live (for this very reason) AND the more I start to love those crazy people that kind of scare the dookey out of me before I ever meet them… because I was taught to be scared. LAME!

I love reading your stuff. You are amazing. Can’t wait to keep reading more and more
Slightly obsessed. But its okay.. I’m single, 22 and still live in Oxford.. therefore I need hobbies. My deepest gratitude for meeting that need..