The Forgotten

Chapter 3 : The Grand Hall

Talk of the devil, just as I wiped the last of the moisture from my eyes, the door opened and there he stood, looking as handsome as ever. How could such a beautiful face be so evil ? He waltzed in, it seemed like he was gliding across the carpet. He had the grace and stance of a dancer and the gait of a king. He left the door wide open behind him. I didn't think, just grabbed my chance. Once he was far enough from the door but not too close to me, I jumped up and ran, my legs protested but didn't

(Reposting edited chapter)

fail me. I didn't pause to contemplate the insaneness of my act, all I could think was that had to get out of here before – a hand caught me by my hoodie and yanked me back sharply. “Stupid move," Adrian remarked. Yes, stupid indeed, but necessary coming from a helpless and desperate person. Then, as if I didn't weigh more than a pound, he picked me up like a bag of potatoes, and swung, yes, swung me over his shoulder. “Let go of me," I exclaimed. "Sorry, but I can't do that," his tone suggested amusement, as if we were best buddies fooling around. So naturally, I hollered and kicked, which didn't change anything. I shut up when I saw where he'd carried me. Let me give a brief description the room we were now stood in. A grand hall, dominated by an imposing crystal chandelier that must weigh a ton, made of thousands of tinny, hand crafted and shinny jewels. My jaw literally dropped. The floor was laid in beautiful marble, with mosaic patterns here and there, of greek myths and magical creatures that seemed to be in perpetual movement due to the vibrant colors of the stones. He gently pulled me to a plush love seat, and sat me down. I didn't have the courage to protest. My hands ran over the ruby red velvet in fascination. I'd never seen such an ornamented room. On the walls hung elegantly embroidered tapestries. The room itself was furnished with the upmost care, each item seemed to have a reason for it's strategic placement. All of the furniture had an ancient feeling to it, like it had been here for centuries and would remain so for decades to come. The hall had four windows that extended from the celling to the floor and opened like European doors, with gold handles. It was dark outside, but I could guess that behind the windows was a long balcony that stretched on the length of the room. They were draped with gold curtains, in a heavy looking fabric, and tied together with a bow made of silver woven threads. But the most breathtaking thing in the room was a black piano in the center. "Did you hear what I said ?" Adrian's voice brought me back to reality. "Huh ?" "I said," he sighed, "You are bound to this room, you may not leave and if you have to use the powder room, I will have to accompany you." "Really, it's not that great a sight," I snapped. Who did he think he was ? He didn't acknowledge my tone. Wow, he really was beautiful. I snapped myself out of it quickly. This guy had kidnapped me ! I should not be marveling at his looks. "Whatever," I mumbled. He nodded and left the room, locking the door behind him.

The Forgotten Comment Just to tell you in advance, I write my comments while I read so you can get a better feel of my emotions. I apologize sincerely because this will make a REALLY long comment. So here we go. Ch 1 - I love the title of the chapter. First chap. in the book, and BAM it's already the end. Cool effect. I like the repetitiveness in the things she says. "What a rhetorical question, if I'm *here telling you this." Also, you misused "faith." I believe it should be "fate." I really l... (more »)

Ahh I so love this book it is very good and heartwarming all at the same time. I think you should keep writing more pages soon. Hey can you look at my stuff and see what you like I have poems and one book on this web site so check it out if you have a chance k. Thank You!! :)

I thought the storyline was good and suspenseful. I do have some critics though. I know that a lot of people have already mentioned the spelling errors, and also the weird arrows in the text. Secondly, I feel that a lot of the writing was a little choppy and too quick from one thing to the next. I think more emotion and details should be put in so it feels more as though the reader is there seeing it all for themselves, if that makes any sense?

Sorry about that, I just recently bought an American mac so the sighs changed from the arrows to ". In french we don't have " on the keyboard. Same for the paragraphes. In France books aren't presented the same way. Sorry if it caused any confusion.

I love the plot; it's very unique. The summary immediately intrigued me. I'd hate to say this again, but you do have a few grammatical errors. It's nothing too big, and it definitely doesn't take away from your story. :)

Hmm. What else? I think that you should try adding more descriptions and emotions. Not too much. Just a little. It'll make the story more vivid, if you know what I mean.

as a mom, i love this story - age appropriate but exciting, fun,sensual,etc.-it's great knowing that there are those who like to write something other than "texts" - i just wonder if this writer's nightmares are as interesting - please continue

This is an interesting story. I enjoyed the relationship you created between vampire and zombie--I'm pretty sure I haven't seen that yet. However, there are various spelling/grammar mistakes. You can always have someone else review your chapters to help check for these mistakes: a parent, a sibling, a relative, etc. Just to help with this, I've selected a few common mistakes that you've made to show what you should look for:

Thanks Renthead96. The next few chapters are going to be back and forth between Adrian and Darik's view, so you will get more information about the whole vampire and zombie relationship. As for the mistakes, thank you :) Keep posted for more. :) and thanks again for checking this out. It means alot to me !

Ok, I'm sorry to say I only had time to read the first chapter of your novel, but I really enjoyed it. I love the tone of the writing, especially the 'big man Upstairs' part :D. Trust me, you had me captivated and I'll be back to read the rest!