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7:34am rise and shine my son calls from across the hall. “Akee akee Mommy” my daughter says as she lifts my eye lids. “Baby” as she points to the door. Yes, I know baby brother is up let’s go get him.
That is a usual morning here on the Lane. Gosh do I enjoy it ever so. By 9am we are ready for morning nap, our third cup of coffee and some crafting while Mommy cleans up. Or in todays case, tries her hand at her every failing blog.

By noon lunch is on the table & we are all ready for the day.

The days are long and full of love. Some moments are more trying than others, and some days I am lucky to even wash my face. But not in one million years would I trade this for anything. While this isn’t permanent it sure if lovely.

Yesterday I tried my wifely hand at some crock pot beans. While I haven’t a clue what I was doing my husband ate it right up and even took some for lunch today! I would call that true love as I didn’t even eat my dish it was so bland. I think I will stick to chicken and dumplings which I discovered the simplest recipe over at The Busy Budgeting Mama and my usual beef stew concoction I whip up with a McCormack’s packet for and extra boost of flavor.

Today we have store bought dough thawing from the freezer, like you think I got time to make my own dough.. bahhh!! Maybe but I wouldn’t try it. Planning on making a spooky Halloween themed pizza which I will not refer to Pinterest for.

Project Sane: Beta Phase will be a muttering of SAHM fun while it lasts and one day dreams will come true and it will be forever.

Have you ever just sat and watched the second hand on a clock? I mean really sat there and just watched it go tic-toc tic-toc for an entire minute. I tired it; it takes forever! So if the second hand takes what seems like an infinite amount of time why do the days, week and months zip on by?! if you know the answer to the ever puzzling question please leave it in the comments so I can reference it 10 years from now when I eventually get about to reading it.

My two year old will be going to nursery school in a few short weeks and my ten month old is climbing objects like a baboon!! Just the other day I could have sworn Téa was only six months old, and then all of a sudden there was another baby coming. Blink. Cameron was here, then he was six months old. Blink. Time goes by so darn quickly. Soak it in. Appreciate the moments. Love the little things. Make memories. We don’t get these days back.

So anyways, I haven’t been here nor there. Just living, day by day. The kids are getting so big so fast it is quite crazy. Owning a home is such an adventure, I am in love with but gosh all my ideas can be costly! One project at a time I have to keep reminding myself. So what project would that be? Well I would like to cast our hand in stone to signify our first year at our home. Our very first home. Lets hope this project is one we can accomplish by summers end.

So far this summer we have enjoyed fire works, plenty of BBQs, swimming, the lake, pool & ocean. Pony riding, ice cream, hot air balloons & playing in the warm wet sand on the beach. Plenty of freeze pops, scraped knees & painted piggy toes. And so much more!

Who are you is a pretty loaded question when you pose it to a working mom. Who am I? How do you answer that question without getting to involved. Do you simply state your name, well of course – but they’re looking for more that just that here Can. I am a a Mom. A Wife. A Sister. A Daughter. A selfless all the time running on empty yet somehow full to keep go-go-going working-mommy/wife. I must hash tag working mom problems out loud every day at least once and a few times a month in social networking. Who are you? I am Téa and Cameron’s Mommy. I am Richard’s wife. I am a sister to my two amazing sisters and a daughter to my wonderful parents. I am an Assistant Project Manager to a group of three in reality but one other thinks he gets my undivided attention very demanding time consuming Project Managers in a fast paced demanding Electrical business. I am a wannabe mommy-crafter, DIY-er and wish I was the next top chef but lets face it, I’ve burnt water. So as you see it is a loaded question..

Mommy is who I want to be all the time. I find it a struggle to really balance working life and mommy life. I must check on my kids beyond 50 times a day while they are being cared for by my Mom. I work on average 36 hours a week, it should be 40+ but I never actually get in on time or stay a full day because something always comes up. That alone makes me a shitty employee. I spend my days at work thinking about what I could be doing with my kids if I had the time to spend with them. That makes me a shitty mother. I can’t win in this battle of working-mom. I feel like I am letting them down by leaving them for 10 hours a day (factor in drive time), five days a week. Mommy is who they thinks feeds them dinner, bathes them and tucks them in at night. I am not the one who kisses their forehead all day, watch as they play with their toys, learn new things and get to see the look of amazement and discovery on their face. I am the one who carts them around on weekends to get errands done and visit family. Who neglects the house work to get in just a few minutes of quality time before bed. Which makes me a shitty wife.

Yet, I am not alone. There are other working-moms, with their own #workingmomproblems who feel just like I do. I know this, my husband reminds me of this each day I text him feeling an overwhelming amount of guilt and sadness that I have again left my kids. Part of me wants to say to hell with nice things, lets live in a box so Mommy can be with you all day every day. Yet I know this isn’t the way of the world. My kids need a roof, food on the table and bills need to get paid. So I must go to work.

Well we were busy packing up our two bedroom apartment, and moving into our four bedroom house! It has been quite an adventure and we are not 100% settled yet but we are just about there.

We officially became residents of a new state over Presidents day weekend. The babies are loving the house, I have been cleaning and unpacking endlessly since then. So far I can say that our kitchen is 100% minus the refrigerator that we need to take to the dump or donate or someone needs to buy off of us. The kids rooms are the least cluttered but the closet rods still aren’t installed so they still have clothes in trash bags. Our bedroom is a collect-all for whatever we don’t want in the main living space. The parlor is filled with toys but that will all change this weekend when we get the toys into the play room and hopefully we relocate the couch to the family room downstairs and sit by the fire place with a hard drink and my Hubby to catch up with some TV after the kids go to bed.

Little Dude has been battling a cough since early February, we just got some medication so let’s hop by this time next week his coughing is a thing of the past and we don’t need to revisit the doctors office. The Moose baby is getting into everything, and being such a fresh toddler – I just love it. Her latest obsession is wearing gloves, ahh Elsa from Frozen perhaps the influence? Shes got her gloves on all day long, on and off, different pairs. She has also been signing a lot lately like straight up performing – hand movements, head and eye gestures – while bellowing a song, ahh also Frozen I think? Not like she speaks straight up English yet. Little Dude found the piggies!! He hasn’t quite figured out he can chew on them like he does everything else he gets his hands on but he sure loves to grab them. Rolling over and I swear he could sit up if he just gave it a try. Sweetest thing I’ve witnessed so far this month? Téa reading to Cameron. Legit, heart. melting. Watching my kids interact with one another is beyond a blessing there are hardly ever any words. I just smile and feel so filled with love for these two little humans.

Funniest thing shes done recently and possibly the grossest? Came home last Friday to her eating a bowl of blueberries, strawberries, whipped cream and ketchup. Oh-my-gross!!!

Saint Patrick’s Day and Easter are upon us! I am planning some fun and exciting Spring things in the coming weeks. Cannot wait to share them here.

I plan to be back at this now that we are 100% moved in and such. The unpacking can wait, I’ve got babies to watch grow, learn and develop!

Let me repeat myself. Home. Owners. We officially own our very first roof! Why don’t I feel more accomplished? Rick and I have talked about owning a home since before we were married, we’ve discussed paint colors, and table settings. This has been a dream come true, yet again why don’t I feel more accomplished?

As of January 23rd we owe hundreds of thousands of dollars to the bank, we have a 4 bedroom, two bathroom, fully finished basement, little under 3/4 of an acre lot for the kids to run a muck on, split entry house on the perfect little cul- de-sac . This is going to be home. This is going to our home. Yet, I still don’t feel more accomplished. I know it is going to take a bit of time to do the minor things we want done, such as painting and building a playroom for the kids. My husband has been working like a dog to meet my ridiculous deadline for our move-in date and I am so thankful he is thinking he will be able to meet my high demands. I’ve been to our house twice since we have signed a few hundred signatures making it ours. I want to be part of the minor renovations we are doing to make it ours, but all I am doing is barking orders and picking out things. I suppose I am ok with that. I am involved, just not physically getting dirty. OK, I banged in nails Friday but that’s about the extent of my physically helping. Maybe that is why I don’t feel more accomplished? Since I am not physically there, physically helping.

Owning a home is a huge thing for us! We have worked really hard to get here and I am beyond excited! I cannot wait for move-in weekend and to get the kids rooms set up. Our first Sunday dinner will be quite amazing, my kitchen is friggin awesome! I am proud of my husband, and everything he has done to get us to this point. Cannot wait to make memories under that roof, on that little cul-de-sac, in that yard.

We were pretty busy this past weekend, it was a long one for us since I had Friday off from work to take the kids to their doctor appointments. Her 18-month checkup and his pediatric gastrointestinal appointment.

Chitchatting

This view was too beautiful not to pull over and snap a picture of as I was lost in Lincoln looking for a Dunks. Which I never found. Friday was rough without that coffee!

More on the paint samples to come!

Very first time at gymnastics, took her a good thirty minutes to warm up and once she did she was off getting wild with the older kids at open gym. We loved watching her explore!

Our good friend is being deployed, so we went to his going away party where he totally popped the question to my best friend – CONGRATS!

“A hero is someone who understands the responsibility that comes with his freedom.” – Bob Dylan

Game day breakfast consisted of French toast on Scali bread with blue berries and banana. She hasn’t had banana in about 6-months, she used to love them so I figured hey shes on Miralax every day now so why not let her indulge. She didn’t like it one bit! I was shocked.

He had the right idea for the game – snoozed it away, while Daddy suffered through it.

One of my favorite quotes comes from Switchfoot’s Dare You To Move “Maybe redemption has stories to tell Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell” the words themselves just speak out to me. Redemption. Forgiveness. Honest human wants, needs, emotions.

I am a believer that music mends broken hearts, it purifies the ugly, it strengthens the weak. Perhaps when I fell into these lyrics I was in need of exactly what they were trying to emphasis. I sure have needed to be forgiven some days in my life, especially when I was younger (wilder), redemption was something I knew existed but did not seek out nor accept. What I want for my children is to not do all the silly foolish things I did but listen to me tell them my stories, accept my faults, and appreciate the outcome of my good choices. I know that is much to ask of a child, I know that I did not listen to my parents but I hope I can find a way to explain to them later on in life, like many many years later why they should listen. For now I am going to hold them close, cuddle them, and keep them innocent as long as I possibly can. Because there is nothing better than their sheer ignorance of this world and all of its ways. If only they could stay that way forever…

18 months. Wow. Where did the months go? I feel like I was just holding her in my arms for the very first time yesterday. I cannot believe how quickly the world spins, sucking time with it. Each day the hours seem to go by faster and faster. She will be two before I know it. Stop it! I may ball at the thought. If only we could stop time. Pause it just for a while because I sure do love this age. This feisty Toddler my baby has become.

A little blurb about our big one and a half year old Moose*

Weighting in at a solid 27 pounds. That’a girl! With her little portagee legs aside she’s standing tall at___ and a size 5 shoe! This girlie has some decent sized stinky piggies. Binkie obsessed and I am OK with it. I don’t feel the need to take away something that gives her comfort just like her lovey is by her side all of the time. Except when she goes to Gramsie’s house every day, Gramsie hides those two until she needs them. What a good Gramsie. Totally a girly girl, loves to do her pretend makeup, have her nails painted, comb her hair and anyone else’s who is willing to get a quarter of your hair ripped out. Baby dolls galore! I am talking right down to having to put the baby to bed before she goes to bed. Oh and bed that’s something we’re working on. Before the little Stud Muffin came around she slept a solid night, went down with ease and slept all night long of course she had her nights but mostly all night. For the past 4-5 months it’s been a challenge. We’re working on it. Hopefully I will cave and sleeps train her when we move but for now we are just taking her in our bed. We need sleep, so does she. So it is what it is and I don’t mind. I love snuggling with her!! Best feeling ever is when she cuddles up with me. She eats like she is training for strongest man competition. Beast mode baby. Beast in another fashion too.. she is sweet as pie then a total terror all in the same breathe. She will give random kisses and hugs then bash your face with the closest hard object. Oh toddlers. As for speaking, well she has got her own language and we love it and are ok with it. She communicates just fine for her age. She’s nailed please and thank you so what more could I ask for. I could ramble on forever what Mother couldn’t about their precious babies. Happy 18 Months Moose Baby* I couldn’t be more proud of the little girl you’re becoming. You’re an amazing big sister and the most loving little girl ever. Stay little my Princess.

I still cannot get over how fast time has gone by.

I love this age!!

Someone remind me of that when I am feeling overcome by her sassy little ways.

I don’t miss those nights, I don’t think about why it would be like to ditch the kids for a night and pretend. I don’t long for a night out where I can have a splitting head ache from the pounding music, stink like booze and butts wake up with dry mouth and the stench of stale cigarets laying next to me.

Tonight I sat on my living room floor, with a quilt laid out like all cozy, all the pillows (all four of them) , a bowl of Jaxx and a sippy cup. Loaded Rapunzle on the AppleTV and kicked back with my two favorite Saturday night buddies. Just me and the babies, they didn’t even last until 7pm but that hour with them before bed was the best hour I’ve had all day long. Not only was it amazing to watch Téa try to feed Cam Jaxx, and talk to him, and kiss him but I got to watch my two babies engage in a night of fun right here at home with their Mommy. I had a smile from ear to ear. Cam had a bubba and down he went, Moose was up next. By 7:17 I was sitting there… alone… but I had the best night. The very best night.