pering away, and some distant traffic. Her heart was pounding just like any heart that had years and years of life ahead of it. Then a door opened, she heard the dogs barking and Matt yelling, and the door slammed shut. She pushed her way through stalks and leaves, in the direc- tion of that noise. It turned out that she had not gone far at all. She had been stumbling around in one small corner of the field, the whole time. Matt waved at her and warned off the dogs. "Don't be scairt of them, don't be scairt," he called. He was going toward the car just as she was, though from an- other direction. As they got closer to each other, he spoke in a lower, perhaps more intimate, voice. "You shoulda come and knocked on the door." He thought that she had gone into the corn to have a pee. "I just told your husband I'd come out and make , OK " sure you re . . Jinnysaid, "I'm fine. Thank you." She got into the car but left the door open. He might be insulted if she closed it. Also, she felt too weak. "He was sure hungry for that chili." Who was he talking about? Neal. She was trembling and sweating and there was a hum in her head, as if a wire were strung between her ears. "I could bring you some out if you'd like it." She shook her head, smiling. He lifted up the bottle of beer in his hand- he seemed to be saluting her. " D . k " rin . She shook her head again, still smiling. "Not even a drink of water? We got good water here." "No, thanks." If she turned her head and looked at his purple navel, she would gag. "You hear about this fellow going out the door with a jar of horseradish in his hand?" he said in a changed voice. ' d his dad says to him, 'Where you goin' with that horseradish?' " 'Going to get a horse,' he says. "Dad says, 'You're not goin' to catch a horse with no horseradish.' "Fellow comes back next morning. Nice big horse on a halter. Puts it in the barn. "Next day Dad sees him goin' out, bunch of branches in his hand. " 'What's them branches in your hand?' " ' Th ' ill ' " ems pussyw ows- "What are you telling me this for?" Jinny said, almost shaking. "I don't want to hear it. It's too much." "What's the matter now?" Matt said. ' it is is a joke." rf) "Would you care to see our gasoline list, or do you know what you want?" Jinny was shaking her head, squeez- ing her hand over her mouth. " N . d " h . d " I ' - L ever mIn, e Sal. won t taKe no more of your time." He turned his back on her, not even bothering to call to the dogs. " I do not wish to give the wrong im- pression or get carried away with optimism." The doctor had spoken in a studious, almost mechanical war "But it looks as if we have a significant shrink- age. What we hoped for, of course. But frankly; we did not expect it. I do not mean that the battle is over. But we can be to a certain extent optimistic and pro- ceed with the next course of chemo and see how things look then." What are you telling me this fòr? I don't want to hear it. It's too much. Jinny had not said anything like that to the doctor. Why should she? Why should she behave in such an un- satisfactory and ungrateful way; turn- ing his news on its head? Nothing was his fault. But it was true that what he had said made everything harder. It made her have to go back and start this year all over again. It removed a cer- tain low-grade freedom. A dull, protect- ing membrane that she had not even known was there had been pulled away and left her raw. M att's thinking she had gone into the cornfield to pee had made her realize that she actually wanted to. Jinny got out of the car, stood cautiously; and spread her legs and lifted her wide cot- ton skirt. She had taken to wearing big skirts and no panties this summer, be- cause her bladder was no longer under perfect control. A dark stream trickled away from her through the gravel. The sun was down now. Evening was coming on, and there was a clear sky overhead. The clouds were gone. One of the dogs barked halfheart- edly, to say that somebody was com- ing but somebody they knew. They had not come over to bother her when she got out of the car-they were used to her now. They went running out to meet whoever it was, without any alarm or excitement. It was a boy, or young man, riding a bicycle. He swerved toward the car and Jinny went round to meet him, a hand