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I sense from your smiley face that you were being facetious, but no, seriously. Fuck Rose Art.

I'm working in a classroom that has an honest-to-god chalkboard, the first I've seen in my three years of working in at least 25 different schools, so I went out to buy some chalk. The only kind they had at the store was Rose Art. It is the SQUEAKIEST FUCKING CHALK. It's like it was made specifically for the purpose of being the loudest, screechingest chalk on the market. Fuck those bastards.

My mother has always been the type of person who cuts corners EVERYWHERE when buying things, so I grew up with Rose Art crayons all the time. Those fuckers would just snap whenever I would try and color, totally ruining my picture.

I said fuck that shit, set up a lemonade stand, and a few hours later picked up a 64 pack of Crayolas from WalMart.

I cringed just reading this. Get one of those chalk holders. I sat far enough back in class that when the teachers used those, it actually sounded SOFT... like oh, what is this wonderful velveteen chalk they're using?

That's my absolute favorite blue. I only know the name of it because I would feverishly look through each and every blue until I got that one... it was just so perfect. So much better than that corn flower blue shit.

When I was a wee boy and my parents got me the 64 pack, I was super stoked that they included cerulean, indigo and lavender. At that point I didn't realize these were actual color names and naturally assumed that the crayons were Pokemon themed.

Mormons are supposed to store a year's worth of supplies in case of hardship. I've always told my wife that, if there's a zombie apocalypse, I don't give a fuck about sporting goods stores or grocery stores, just find me the nearest Mormon home and we'll take their shit.

The same thing happened in Atlanta, Georgia in 1996. When I went to the University of South Carolina for graduate school I quickly noticed that Columbia, South Carolina had a HUGE homeless population. This seemed odd to me for such a small city. Some lifers told me that for the Olympics Atlanta had shipped these people out. They did so in greyhounds bound for other local cities. The powers that be told these folks they would be sending them to special housing where they would get food, and other supplies. Nope!

Doesn't X to mean crossed arms in a hug and an O for pursed lips make more sense? I have always been somewhat confused by the use of XOXOXO and it is always said as "hugs and kisses" and listed with the X before the O

Lionel Lyon, what kind of sadists would do that to their child!? My mum's midwife suggested I be named Leo, they graciously turned that down. I on the other hand am not as caring and will name my child Rory/Raudhri regardless of gender.

I don't give a fuck if this gets buried, I just reflexively laughed so hard my head pitched forward and my teeth are now bleeding from striking my desk. I'm not getting a glass of saltwater until I wish that woman a Happy Mothers day.

When I was in high school, for our yearly standardized test, our principal temporarily moved the special ed students up to a senior level, so their scores didn't count toward the school's overall grade. Needless to say, she was fired.