Observing Ego

I’ve been observing my ego lately. Though I think I’m fairly good at this observing ego thing, as we were talking about in Earthsong, I definitely think I have room for improvement. Well, I believe in potentially unlimited improvement, so that’s a given. But I definitely notice it sometimes. For example,when I hang out with you I get kind of spaced out and kind of swept away into the moment, have trouble concentrating to some degree on anything in particular, etc. If that was me doing the shopping for my stuff, I would have probably forgotten stuff and taken twice as long. And like when my friend D asked me what I was up to, I just said, “just hanging out,” and didn’t think to introduce you until after you turned and walked away, nor did I think to say anything more interesting and descriptive of my present moment, something like, “just workin out a little at the gym with my good friend, N here.” Anything, ANYTHING more interesting than, “just hanging out.” Hesitation is another thing I tend to have issues with. I hesitate, and the moment is gone. What were you thinking that moment in Earthsong when I hesitated and just said, “just hanging out.” Did you think, “ya, that’s your problem, Thomas, you’re always just hanging out. When are you going to NOT just be hanging out?”

I like listening to you. I like listening to you think out what you want to say, choose your words, ponder your intended meaning, picking your path among the choices of ideas, thoughts, and concepts. I’m wishing I had asked you more questions, to hear you more. Maybe next time we hang out I will overcome my tendency to just be, and take my opportunity to ask you lots of questions. Questions. Venture on a quest for your truth. Quest-ions.

I want to do everything. I love life so much. I like being. It’s so cool. It rocks. I love life. Life. Life. Life. To Live. I live. You live. We live. Awesome, huh. Amazing. Life fucking rocks my world.

To live, to really live, to really totally completely live, or to totally all out and absa-fucking-lutely give-it-your-all live? That is the question.