Archaeologists have recently discovered the skeletal remains of a giant human species in [insert country here]. The skeletons measure over [insert value from 5m to 30m here]! Research into the remains is still on-going…

ZOMGZ…

NOPE! Nope. Nope. Nopeity nope.

In case you needed me to say it.

‘TIS A HOAX!

The story originally surfaced sometime around 2002, but really took off in 2003 – conveniently after Worth1000 held a photo-manipulation competition for “Archaeological Anaomlies”, where contestants were to submit “a picture of an archaeological discovery that looks so real, had it not appeared at Worth1000, people might have done a double take.”*

If only they knew…

While a lot of ‘archaeological anomalies’ were submitted, the giant skeletons really seemed to take on a (presumably re-animated) life of their own.

The story re-surfaces in various papers or media outlets (some more reputable than others) every few years with new photos (or sometimes even the same photos) once again claiming that the skeletons of giant humans have been discovered in another country (so far Saudi Arabia, Greece, Iran, America, Ireland, Egypt, Mexico, China, etc…); the internet grabs on and conspiracy theories continue to grow… to GIANT proportions (sorry).

While each news story about giant skeletons is usually very quickly pointed out to be a fake or a hoax (whether intentional or not), there is a GROWING trend (sorry) for the conspiracy theories to loiter. These move beyond news stories of giant skeletons being just found…

Because it’s one thing to have hoax stories about fake skeletons. But it’s another thing (Is it another thing? I don’t really know. Maybe it’s not.) for there to be stories from people claiming scientists are keeping quiet about these discoveries for some unknown reason.

The reason isn’t unknown. The reason is because IT’S. NOT. REAL. We’re not keeping quiet, we’re just not engaging with imaginary discoveries (exept, well, now we are)…

So that – and because there seems to be another out-pouring of bullshit related to giant skeletons on the internet lately. Just the other week I posted a ‘news’ story to my weekly link round-up: Archaeologists discover 5m tall human skeletons [that weren’t reported anywhere] is a hoax [from 2009]‘. And there have been at least another three stories published since then. I don’t know if people are just really bored because the wintery weather is completely shite. But seriously people, that is no excuse for the freakin’ giant human skeletons re-surfacing.

Let sleeping skeletons lie… don’t, uhh, lie about sleeping skeletons…

It’s bad enough that the National Geographic had to weigh in on this seven years ago, when they said, “The photo fakery might be obvious to most people. But the tall tale refuses to lie down even five years later…” FIVE YEARS LATER! SEVEN YEARS AGO!

That adds up to 12 entire years of this moronic bullshit.

It needs calling out.‡

Because I am done with this.

And you all should be too.

Therefore, I hereby suggest any claims for giant freakin’ humans – skeletal or otherwise – and whether ‘supported’ by ‘evidence’ or not – be met with a battle-cry of, “SQUARE CUBE LAW!”

Besides, if giant humans did exist, then we already have the evidence for how we tiny humans succeeded at becoming the dominate species.

—

* The photos pictured in this link are from more than just this one competition, but will give you a good idea of the type of images of ‘giant skeletons’ out there.

† This ‘article’ is terrible and somehow even manages to make a ludicrous conspiracy theory look somewhat respectable in comparison. Ughhh… someone take me out back.