Have you spit-taked yet today? Because Mitt Romney has dropped a revelation that will blow your face right off: it's not Republicans who have been attacking women's rights — it's been President Obama this whole time. Why? Because Mitt Romney says, that's why. And who needs data and facts to back up assertions when you're richer than the damn Monopoly Man?

With Santorum out of the race, the forces of the GOP are gathering behind Romney and against the President. And they've decided that their first strategic move in the 2012 general election is to close that pesky 20-point gender gap.

Romney launched his "Dump the Zero and Get With the Hero" offensive today by standing in front of a bunch of women in Connecticut and claiming that the President is bad for women. More than 90% of the jobs lost since the beginning of the recession were women's jobs, he said. Unfortunately, according to fact-checking site Politifact, that claim's mostly false. But he's standing in front of ladies! Ladies who agree with him!

This morning during a press call with reporters, Romney's policy chief Lanhee Chen repeatedly said that Obama is bad for women, and then failed to provide any actual facts or statistics to back it up. Three separate times.

And this afternoon, The Washington Free Beaconpublished an exposé that claimed that women in the Obama White House make 18% less than their male counterparts. How did they come up with this statistic? They added up all the salaries of the female employees as listed on the White House's annual report and then divided it by the number of female employees, then did the same for male employees, and then compared. Now, I'm no mathematician, but that seems to me to be a kind of flawed way to calculate whether people were being paid less for equal work, as just averaging all male staffers and all female staffers and then comparing the two figures doesn't take into account whether or not the employees are doing, uh, the same jobs.

But today's most bumbly Romney of a moment came when HuffPo's Sam Stein asked staffers whether or not Romney supported the Lily Ledbetter Fair Pay Act, the law that allowed women to sue their employers over unequal pay no matter how much time had elapsed since their employment. The line fell heavy with silence for six clumsy seconds, and then Chen said, "Sam, we'll get back to you on that."

Right now, as an American lady who votes, I feel like a dog that ran away from home and was adopted by another family and in order to determine who I really belong to, both families put me halfway in between them and they both call me. On one side, President Obama, calling to women voters. On the other, Mitt Romney. Which one will I, and all ladies, run to? The one that's offering a big bowl of kibble and my favorite toy and a warm bed, and the other's offering to strap me to the top of the family station wagon for a multi hour long car trip. Gee whiz, which one will I choose?