First World Problems and the Trouble Behind that Statement

So it's no secret that I've been having a couple of rough weeks. Lots of stuff that's gone south, lots of issues, two kids who have special needs and the at school needs aren't being dealt with appropriately, - which affects the out of school needs etc., etc.

It's almost been funny to me - kind of in the "What else, now?" mindset.

And twice, I've been taken to task with the remark that I have "First World Problems" and I should just shut up and quit complaining.

The entire concept of "First World Problems" and the issues that this entails really chaps me.

Look. I get it. No one died this week. I've had weeks like that. My appliances are all functional, and their corresponding a/c/heat/water/gas/power are all functional - I've had weeks like that, too. No one ran into traffic in an attempt to end their life because issues were so stressful - I've had a week like that, too. I didn't have a car accident - done that - and no one was hospitalized - had that before, as well.

No one was arrested. No time in court, no lawsuits filed - all in all, by those standards, it's been quiet.

And yet.

Circumstances being what they were, the last couple of weeks have been super draining, exhausting and frustrating. Add on flooding rains, a broken down car ($1800 repair bill), a potential hurricane headed my way (which may change and go out to sea but yet...) I have a meeting today to rewrite a 504 and an appointment to work on another set of accommodations. I'm doing what I can, when I can, to try to help situations. But it's still a sucky time.

Telling someone that their truly valid concerns are First World Issues is really a shitty thing to do.

First of all, it implies that only people in "Third World Countries" are allowed to be unhappy about anything. Which opens up an entire other set of issues that I am deeply unqualified to go into. More important that that - are people who live in privileged countries never allowed to be unhappy, upset, feel like things aren't going their way?

Telling someone that they have "First World Problems" implies that you think they are spoiled. "Who are you to complain, when other people have it so much worse?" isn't helpful at all, and in fact, can be hurtful. Far better to tell someone you have compassion for their issues - and shut up after that.

This isn't the Pain Olympics.

There's no gold medal given for the person who has the WORST LIFE EVER. My bad day can be a bad day, and your day can be a bad day, and we can have compassion for each other, and empathy and sympathy and helpfulness -

Comments

Unbelievable. It is amazing to me the lack of compassion that people can have. Everyone on every single continent has trials, tribulation, and problems!!! I would say to that individual, "You are a first world *&^$" Hang in there Carmen. I will say prayers for you.

I find that it is not the big things that happen that are as hard to deal with as it is one little thing after another after another that weighs me down. Its the water line from the road to the house leaking with the $1700 water bill and the $4500 repair bill, the stress fracture in my foot that is still irritating, the raccoon family that decided our attic was the best place to live, the endless juggling to get kids to places, get my own online school work done and getting out of work late every day that adds up and becomes overwhelming. I was planning on going by myself on a bike ride this weekend, and stay in a hotel on the beach (I love the beach) and it was cancelled for the first time in 27 years, and this was to be my only time away. (Maybe, subconsciously, I like century rides because I don't have anyone that also likes to bike 100 miles at a time - I get time to myself). I understand.

I can't have third world problems, I don't live in a third-world country. I can just have my own problems, and I can appreciate your problems and have empathy with your problems. I hope October is a better month, and that the schedule smooths out and the hurricane goes out to sea.

I am a hospice nurse and so I have families walking through difficult times and I also have an abusive ex-husband and have walked through some hard times myself. But anytime I hear people trying to downplay something they are going through by comparing it to my patients or my situation. I stop them. What is hard for me, might not be hard for you. What is devastating to you might be minor to me. Stop comparing people!! Stop it. Come along side your friends and family and support them..unless you are my 16yo and are upset because you have to do chores before you can hang out with friends...ain't gonna get any sympathy then especially because you have procrastinated all day on the chores.

So true, Carmen. There's no denying that we are all truly blessed, but that doesn't mean we aren't going to suffer! And suffering is hard--especially when it's your kids. Good luck with everything, and something that helps me is to pray, "Jesus, I trust in you," over, and over and over. And then keep praying it.

I'm throwing a flag- the comment that your problems were FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS was illegal use of a meme.

REAL FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS:
Hand to big to fit in a pringles can to reach the bottom chips,
my diamond earrings are scratching my iPhone,
ordered McDonalds and forgot to upsize my order,
my laptop is dying but charger is in another room
I think we get the point here.

What you have are REAL WORLD problems which every one of us have. And offering someone words of encouragement when they're felling overwhelmed isn't all that hard.There is no reason to belittle anyone else's problems, we are all fighting our own battles...

I relate to this, and sometimes we add guilt on ourselves even. I have had a hard week with some family interactions and getting bad poison oak and a bad bee sting. Normally our family gets along well and we are healthy, but I have felt so stressed out by dealing with this stuff,and only made myself feel worse when I don't have sympathy for myself. Sometimes a comparison can be helpful- I live an hour away from the Oregon shooting, there was a little girl with cancer at the soccer game yesterday) if it leads to me making myself calmer or more thankful, but the point isn't to add to our stress or others. We all need to encourage and have empathy for the hard things. ( i have also found this with having a big family, adopting and home schooling- like I can't complain because I chose this life)

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About Me

Carmen Staicer is a whirlwind of energy and execution, who never sleeps and drinks way too much coffee. She works from home as Social Media Programs Manager for SheKnows, and is the mom to six kids, most of whom play instruments, sing or dance and all of whom are much smarter than she will ever be. In other words, her house is never ever quiet or still. A concentration of asthma, food allergies, spectrum disorders and learning disabilities means that she spends an awful lot of time second guessing herself and Dr. Googling, as well as learning to cook everything the family might like to eat. In her spare time, she enjoys reading, boxing (she has her Black Belt in Muay Thai), sleeping, exploring coffee shops, photography, ballet class and cooking. She excels in being a smart mouth and has her major in sarcasm, with a dual minor in BS studies and avoiding laundry.