A Woman's Guide to Male Chastity

This is the real story; not the fantasies that are scattered all over the web

If you are reading this you are either a woman whose man has broached the subject of male chastity, or you are a man hoping for another hot story. Sorry guys, this isn't going to turn you on. Male chastity is about sexual control. Some men find it amazingly erotic to lose control of when and how often they can ejaculate. That last sentence is the sum total of the male chastity fantasy. The so called real-life stories that abound on the Net are manifestations of that fantasy. Virtually none are written by women. The stories all have a common theme: the man does something naughty (cheating, neglecting his wife, etc.). His wife (lover) gives him an ultimatum that unless he submit to wearing a chastity device, she will leave him. There are endless variations on this theme, but that's the central story.

Any rational wife would leave the man cheats on her or neglects her, not come up with an erotic scenario. This filter alone demonstrates who writes the "real-life story". Other men are more honest in their fantasies. They write that they ask their mate to lock them up to help them be better men. If all it takes to make a better man is to imprison his wee wee, most men would be locked up right now.

What's in it for you?
Before we get down to the how-to's, let's consider the value proposition. If you believe the fantasies, after a few days of penis prison your man will be bringing you flowers, offering oral sex constantly, washing the dishes, and doing the laundry all in the hope you will "release" him and get him off. Do you believe that? If you do, I have a bridge to sell you. The bottom line is that acting out the male chastity fantasy is something you do for him. It is unlikely that any reward will match the work you have to do to sustain his wish to be chaste.

Most real life chastity scenarios play out like this. The man convinces his partner to lock him up and hide the key so he can't find it. He then expects endless teasing and reminders that she controls his sex. He wants you to make up rules and extend his lockup time when he disobeys. Then, after some time, usually when you can't stand the whining, he expects you to unlock him and get him off in his favorite way. Getting the point? Male chastity is all about turning him on, not about providing any benefits to you. Don't believe this? Check out the endless stuff on the Internet. It all follows this basic scenario.

If you love him and want to let him try this form of sex play, then that should be your motive for participation. The reward comes from seeing his pleasure and allowing him the chance to play with sexual control. Just understand that this game is for him. You won't get any direct benefit and you will have to work to make him experience it. If you are willing to do this, read on. Here's how you play the game.

Playing the chastity game
Let's start by understanding what he wants. He will never articulate this, even if he is aware of it, but the game won't work unless you have a clear understanding. Put simply, he wants to safely give up control and have you take the sexual initiative. Many men find it enormously arousing to have their partners control them sexually. This has nothing to do with masculinity. It doesn't mean he has some fatal flaw in his personality. Most western males grow up believing that they are expected to be in control, especially sexually. Consider your own feelings. Haven't you always found a man who sweeps you off your feet intensely arousing? The reasons for this fill countless psychiatry books. We aren't interested in the reasons, just the reality. Men also find it arousing for their sexual partners to take control.

Male chastity play video. This is a real couple doing chastity play. Most interestingis the dialog. Note how the female partner uses the male's desire to be inchastity against his natural need to ejaculate as a way of exciting him and teasinghim and reminding him that he has to wait no matter how excited he gets.Also note that his hands are not restrained. He has to keep hands off through sheerwillpower. This is a subtle reminder that she is doing this for him, not to him.

Your man may fantasize and dream of you deciding how, when, and where he can ejaculate. He may even imagine you will get aroused seeing his "suffering" as you make him wait to squirt. He has probably read a great many stories about men whose wives put them into chastity. These stories have probably been the inspiration for lots of masturbation. When the desire to make this all real finally gets strong enough to present the concept to you, it has already had a very long time to grow in his imagination. He won't realize that you won't instantly share his excitement.

You are probably at the point that he has made his approach and is hoping you will share his passion for chastity. He may have directed you to chastity stories that particularly arouse him. The fact you are reading this article means that you want to at least consider trying it with him. From here on, we assume you want to give him his wish.

Step one. Preparation
Remember, he has been working this out in his head for a long time. No matter how casual or awkward his approach, this is the culmination of many dreams and masturbation sessions. He will probably try to sell you on the benefits of his chastity to your happiness. Since you have decide to play, agree that it sounds promising. Next, ask him to show you how you can keep him under control. He has probably done endless research on various chastity devices. Let him lead you on a tour of the various web sites that sell chastity devices. Thank him and ask him to give you time to consider your next step. For your own sanity to avoid endless conversations on this subject, tell him not to discuss it again. You will bring it up when the time is right. Strictly enforce this rule. If he tries to discuss it with you, warn him that if he does that again you won't play. It's very important that you control the amount of noise this play can introduce into your life. If you don't set strong limits right from the start, he will fill your life with endless discussions about his chastity. So rule one is no discussion about his chastity or sex without your permission.

The next step is to acquire a chastity device. Without a doubt he has done a lot of research. Disregard it. The endless online discussions about chastity devices center around how inescapable they are. Escape isn't a problem. It's just part of his fantasy. There are very few chastity devices that a man can wear safely without risking detection at work, etc. that won't actually injure him. The best for your purposes is one of the plastic (acrylic) models. These are plastic cages that prevent erection and too much play. A wonderful, inexpensive place to find them is on Amazon.com. Try searching for "male chastity cage" under health and beauty department (this link will take you to a generic search. Be sure to compare prices. The same models are sold by Amazon at a big range in price.). Since very few of the devices are sold directly by Amazon, it isn't unusual to find what you want out of stock. DH Gate is an import site that sells the same items (plus a lot more). People report they are reliable and the devices are as represented. The language is stilted. Apparently it is a Chinese site. We wouldn't expect devices this cheap to last a long time, but they can provide an inexpensive introduction to chastity play and allow you to experiment with different styles, ring sizes, and cage lengths. You can find the site here.

Bad fit. Bon-4 Silicone penis cage corectly installed, but the penisis not long enough to reach the end of the tube. This is a very poor fit.A shorter cage is needed. In a properly fitted cage, the head of thecompletely soft penis will press against the end of the cage. Youshould never see more than 1/2" of space between the penis tipand the end of the cage. Most of the time he should feel the head ofhis penis pressing against the cage.

Size Matters!
Fitting for one of these devices requires some care as to penis size. We are not concerned with his erect size. We need to know his size when soft. Most men are in the 2 1/2 to 4 inch length when soft. You need to measure him when not aroused to be sure. Make a note of this number. We will get back to it. Many of the "cage" models have an "S" after their name, like the CB6000S. The "S" stands for "short". This is the correct size for a penis under 4 inches soft. When he is wearing the cage, the head of his penis should press right up against the end of the cage. This will make urination easier and feel more secure to him. It's worth the trouble and expense to get a cage that leaves no room at all in terms of length. Here are examples of how a 2" and 2 1/2" tube fits the same penis seen in the bad fit picture. A reasonable amount of pressure on the head of his penis won't hurt or irritate him. If the "S" model is too long, there are a few (mostly metal) cages for even shorter penises. Don't be afraid to order one of these. The (soft) penis is very flexible and can comfortably live in a smaller cage.

Another advantage of the plastic cages is that they come with a range of rings that go around his scrotum and penis. In your reporter's case this is critical. A 2" ring will allow the balls to escape, and a 1 3/4" ring works but slows urination. You know when you have the right size on him when you can just force your second finger between the ring and the top of his penis shaft.

The standard CB6000 as well as others accomodates a 4 to 6 inch flaccid penis. There are "long" models for men with exceptionally long soft penises. As a rule of thumb, it never hurts to have a shorter than needed cage. As long as the penis can be pressed into the cage, it is not too small. Besides, the tighter the fit on the flaccid penis, the more he will realize it when his little friend tries to get hard.

Styles
There are three types of cages: metal, hard plastic, and silicone. We've tried all three. The silicone cages are soft and squishy and appear to be more comfortable. We haven't found that to be the case, and the silicone cages are very difficult to put on properly. Metal and hard plastic are both much easier to put on and take off. Which you get is more a matter of preference than anything else. There is a rather new variation being offered: cages with penis plugs. A penis plug is a metal tube that penetrates the urethra. They look mean and uncomfortable, but in fact turn out to really make wearing a cage much easier. They act as a sort of catheter; but unlike a real catheter they are only a couple of inches long and go nowhere near the bladder. The advantage to wearing one is that the man can easily urinate standing up. Most of the cages without tubes make peeing a messy activity. Urine bounces off parts of the head of the cage and usually gets redirected somewhere unwelcome. Many men end up peeing sitting down. The urethral tube guides the urine out of the cage without any muss of fuss. They appear to be safe for long term wear. We had one in for over a week with no discomfort or injury. One of our favorites, a plastic cage, (this one on Amazon) has a removable tube so that it can be taken out if need be. There is also a metal one that we got that has a tube that can be removed or inserted without taking the device off.

The "Attica Hell 2" cage is only 2 inches long.It will secure a penis that is 2 1/4" or less whensoft. This is the same penis that was too shortfor the silicone device pictured above. It comes with a removable penis tube. You cansee the tube peeking out at the tip of his penis.If your man can squeeze into this, it will bea secure, comfortable home for his friend.Click the image for more views.

Ok, the next step is to order the device. Don't talk about it with him, just order it. He is probably half crazy wondering whether you will make his dream come true. A day or two after you order the chastity device, sit him down and have a talk. This is the moment he has dreamed about for a very long time.

The first conversationThe first discussion will set the tone for the entire chastity experience. It will both provide him with a dream come true, and give you a way to set realistic limits on just how much this will intrude into your life. Remember, symbolism is very important in chastity play. Some of this may seem silly to you. It is silly. But not to him. Block out some time when you can be alone with him. Sit in a comfortable chair. Ask him to sit at your feet. (seems silly but it is setting up the power dynamic)

Next, tell him that you have decided that chastity will be a way he can improve and better please you. Tell him that in the near future the chastity device you ordered will arrive and from that day on, he will wear it. He will try to ask endless questions. Firmly decline to answer any. Just tell him that you will take care of things and he will learn soon enough. Don't be surprised if he has a very strong erection. This is his dream come true. Now set the ground rules:

You are in charge and you make the rules. He may never argue about a rule or the chastity will end.

He may not try to escape. If he does, the chastity will end.

He may not ask questions regarding rules or anything else. If he must ask a question regarding chastity or rules, he may do so in writing and send it to you in email. You may or may not reply.

He will immediately obey any request you make of him.

Breaking rules or otherwise making the chastity experience unpleasant for you will end it immediately

You may make rules that, if broken, will result in punishment.

You have now set the scene for bringing his fantasy to life without making you miserable in the process.

There is little doubt that his interest in sex will grow enormously after this conversation. Indulge him if you wish. Otherwise, just tell him to be a good boy and wait until you tell him you want sex. This is very difficult for many women. Most have been trained from an early age to try to please. In this case, pleasing means withholding not giving in.

The device arrives
The package with the device finally arrives. Some come with both a padlock and plastic seals (they look like tiny locks and have a number stamped on them). The seals make the device undetectable in an airport metal detector. If he isn't traveling, he won't need them. Open the padlock, take the keys and give the package to him. Instruct him to learn how to put the device on and then lock himself in. Tell him to come out naked for your inspection when he has finished.

Ask him to stand in front of you. Check the device and make sure it looks right and isn't pinching anywhere. Your adventure has begun. Undoubtedly during that first inspection he tries to get an erection. If not, a little light ball tickling will do the trick. Check to see that he is in securely and when erect (as much as the device allows) that he doesn't look like he is in pain. Next, tell him that this first experience will last 7 days. If he is a good boy, after a week you will temporarily unlock him and have some fun. If he annoys you in any way, tell him that his sentence will increase by three days for each incident. Sound cruel? It isn't. This is exactly what he had been hoping for.

During this first week have him present himself for daily inspections. This isn't for his pleasure, though he will enjoy it. You will have a chance to assure that he is keeping clean and has no redness or irritation. If you detect irritation, take the device off. If it came with different sized rings, tell him to put it back on with a larger ring. The key is to be sure he isn't injured wearing the device.

First unlockingAfter his first lock up time, have a little ceremony. Hand him the key and tell him to take it off. After he opens the lock, get the key back. What happens next is up to you. If you want to make love, go for it. If you just want to masturbate him, that is perfectly fine too. It's all up to you. Whatever release he gets, when finished tell him to lock himself up again. After he is safely locked in, you can tell him when he will next get relief.It's important to tell him when his next chance will be. He will love anticipating it and will love it if you extend it for naughtiness.

That's the game. It's what he has dreamt about. Variations are up to you. If you want him to pleasure you between releases, go for it. If you want him to do chores without complaining, give that a try too. How much real control you have depends on your partner. Don't push it to the point neither of you is having fun.

That's it. You now know what he expects and how to deliver it if you wish. If this isn't what you feel you can do, tell him. Have a heart-to-heart discussion. It's the only fair thing to do. If you do want to try it, he will forever be grateful for the chance to live this fantasy. If you have any comments or questions, please use the "contact us" link at the bottom of the page. This isn't a commercial web site and we want to help. Guys, we won't reply to obvious attempts to get off asking silly questions. Have fun and enjoy the ride.

More male chastity reading for the keyholder
If you would like to read more about male chastity, Male Chastity Journal is packed with information for new keyholders as well as helpful information for men who are or want to be caged. It also features the journal (blog) of one man who is living with 24/7 chastity.
Chastity forums has great conversations from real people practicing male chastity play without the usual lame fantasies.

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