Guides

How to Keep a Conversation Going with a Girl – a Guide

One of the most commonly asked questions in dating advice for men is how to keep a conversation going with a girl? How to never run out of words?

In social interactions, the male is going to have to take the lead, to start, to continue and to lead in the conversation. Understanding how to create conversational topics out of midair is going to help a lot in converting your leads from cold approaches, social circles and girls that you just got to know girls that are interested in your sexually.

How to Keep a Conversation Going with a Girl?

Before you learn how to keep a conversation going with a girl, you got to understand how to keep a conversation going with just about anybody. This can be done by paying attention to simple conversational mindsets such as using effective language, using more statements as opposed to questions, creating endless conversation threads by paying attention to words and themes and understanding how to emotionally connect with someone.

This can be done by paying attention to simple conversational mindsets such as using effective language, using more statements as opposed to questions, creating endless conversation threads by paying attention to words and themes and understanding how to emotionally connect with someone.

Using Effective Language

Using effective language means using the shortest number of words possible to in conversation to get your point across. You would rather have 5 minutes of awesome conversation as opposed to 15 minutes of beating around the bush. You will come off as more well spoken and charismatic.

This means removing ‘ahh’ ‘you know’ and ‘erhms’ and other filters when you’re conversing.

This doesn’t mean you speak like a robot either. You can use different tonality and pace to get more emotion across in your conversations. Writing and keeping a journal can help with this skillset.

Questions Versus Statements

Statements offer more ‘value’ and opportunity for her to get continue to a conversation than questions. When you’re just going off on questions with a girl, you don’t express your identity, and you don’t really put her in a position to express hers. She’s got to invest in the conversation for the interaction to go well.

Cold reading is a skillset that you can use to make statements. Other simple ones include making observations about the environment or something that catches your eye. It’s possible to turn every question into a statement. Instead of asking what she does for a job, why not tell her that she looks like she works in a creative line/ looks like a teacher and etc.

If you get it wrong, she’ll correct you. If you get it right, she’ll be quite surprised at how intuitive you are. This works brilliantly time after time.

Instead of worrying what to ask her next, you can just go off randomly on your day or events that interest you. ‘I almost got hit by a car this morning’. ‘I hate my boss, he just made me do two times the work today’. It’s better to be random and interesting than to be predictable. However, don’t be too random, this won’t work in the Asian/ Singaporean setting.

Statements done right can lead to her asking you more about yourself. You can now dictate the interaction, and when she’s the one asking your questions, she’s the one sub-communicating that she’s interested in finding out more about you.

I’d like to add that questions are alright in the Singaporean setting, most girls here aren’t really equipped with the social skills to lead the interaction, you’ll be required to do a little bit of babysitting.

How to Never Run out of Words

The secret to creating endless conversational topics is to take note of jump off points. Think of them as intersections that you can use to direct the flow of a conversation.

Conversations only end one person says something to another person and he or she is left with no jump off points. This is the usual One Word answers: Yes or No.

One thing that helps this is to pay attention to the underlying themes in a conversation. For example:

“I never liked that restaurant. I went there for my birthday last year, and I don’t remember anything past midnight. I woke up on my friend’s kitchen floor.”

You can talk about your favourite restaurants

You can talk about birthdays

You can talk about the one time you got drunk and woke up somewhere weird

These are themes in a conversation that you can take advantage off. I find it easier to pay attention to themes rather than words itself. There are conversational resources out there that tell you to pay attention to phrases and words. However, just paying attention to phrases and words can come off as unnatural. You’re better off attention to theses and relating to her in such a way.

I find that by just paying attention to phrases and words, it may result in an unnatural conversation. It’ll seem as if you’re trying to keep this conversation going and you’re afraid of silences. You’re better off paying attention to themes.

The Basics of Emotional Connection

Most guys suck at talking about themselves. This especially so in Singapore. I noticed this as a Singapore dating coach. They think it’s weird or narcissistic in some ways. The only times they usually feel comfortable talking about themselves is with their sisters or friends they’ve known for a few years.

Girls, on the other hand, are only engaged when they are talking about themselves (or each other). This is why they’re constantly gossiping, creating drama or people watching.

I know this for sure as I’ve hung out with guys from the Singapore pick up artist community. It’s always the same question of: what do I talk to about with the girl? What he’s saying that he doesn’t really have any external common interest with her. If she likes dancing and he’s a computer geek then there’s nothing to talk about right?

However, if you talk about how you FEEL about your interests, then you can relate to how she FEELS about her own pursuits. It’s never the external pursuits, it’s the similar underlying expression why you choose to pursue something that you can relate to her with.

It’s never about the external pursuits, but it’s about the similar underlying expression of why you choose to pursue your chosen hobbies that you can relate to her with.

Building an emotional connection requires three things: 1) Opening up about yourself 2) Getting her to open up about herself and relating to each other’s emotions and experience.

This includes:

Your passions and favourite things to do

Your dreams, ambitions, life goals

Best/worst thing that has happened to you

Your childhood, family life and upbringing

You can spark these conversations by a simple cold read: You look like you’re close to your family.

Emotional connection occurs only through vulnerability. It cannot be faked.

The harder it is to talk about it a subject, the more genuine and attractive it potentially can be. Topics such as childhood, upbringing and family life are often hard for a man to express, especially so in Asian culture. I rarely see guys talk about their childhood in their social interactions, if even at all.

Think about it, by being alright with sharing any part of yourself with anyone, you’re truly confident.

Closing Thoughts

I’ll like to add in that you’re not required to share yourself with everyone all the time. There was a period of time I was focusing too much on emotional connection. I was projecting my need for connection to everyone I meet.

I got good at it and I was wondering why I was shit bored at most of the conversations I was having. It’s important to note that not everyone studies self-help and I find Singaporeans, in general, take some time to open themselves up emotionally.

Combine this framework with skill sets such as cold reading, making statements over questions, storytelling, using effective language, and you’ll find yourself in being able to direct and control the flow of conversations.

Remember, expressing who you allows her to open up express who she is.

Seduction is an expression of identity.

You’re looking at her physical qualities and she’s looking at your identity.

3 Comments

Eyy yo Marcus! Love what you’re doing with the blog, I just started reading recently. So much value. I’m just a bit confused about the difference between paying attention to themes and just words/phrases. What do you mean by that?

Hey Naz! Basically, words and phrases are just superficial layers of a conversation.

Words and phrases are the ‘What’ and ‘How’ of a conversation. The theme is the ‘Why of a conversation’.

Just by conversational threading, focusing on words and phrases, you can literally not fun out out of words. Unless, she gives you one word answers: yes or no. Even if so, you can then cold read and spark another conversational thread.

However, if you’re focused on the THEME of the conversation, you’ll be able to connect on a deeper level.

For eg. If I was talking to a girl about dance, yes, there would be words and phrases about DANCE itself.

Words and phrases that can come from discussing dance: How you found dance class today? Techniques about dance. Jargon about dance.

These are merely words and phrases. Great for conversation, but not really that great for emotional connection.

However, if I focused on the THEME:

Why did she join dance? Why is she so inspired by dance? How does dance make her feel? Was is something she did that her parents approved of?