"People are constantly asking Portia and me if we are going to have children," DeGeneres, 53, writes in her third book, Seriously...I'm Kidding (out now). "We thought about it. We love to be around children after they've been fed and bathed. But we ultimately decided that we don't want children of our own. There is far too much glass in our house."

All kidding aside, DeGeneres says she and her wife, 38, have plenty of others to look after.

"We have two dogs, Mabel and Wolf, and three cats at home, Charlie, George and Chairman. We have two cats on our farm, Tom and Little Sister, two horses, and two mini horses, Hannah and Tricky. We also have two cows, Holy and Madonna," DeGeneres writes. "And those are only the animals we let sleep in our bed."