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Tuesday, January 07, 2014

I had a terrible day yesterday. I don’t usually have those. They have become very infrequent. As I believe I have mentioned, I was told that the worse things get in the world, the better they will be for me. That’s based on whatever role I’ve yet to play, or so I’ve been told and more than once. I don’t put any big woo woo value on this. It’s a natural thing for all of us to evolve from one thing to another and that can be interpreted in both a good and a bad way, depending on the direction we’re going in.

Yesterday I had a brief misunderstanding with a valued associate. I’d done something specific to the content of my work and it had not met with a reciprocal awareness. My sense is that that has passed but it speaks to something I want to make the subject of today’s Emersonian effort (grin). We’ll get to that.

Anyway... I had this altercation, which was basically my fault because I was flippant and also, having a bad day so I got morose as well. These were not read as they actually were but otherwise and subsequently it was a misunderstanding but it was still my fault. However, I was being hammered astrally, along with these other two items and it was really uncomfortable. The pressure of the situation led to my acting in ways that were more precipitous that normal for me.

To add insult to injury in this regard, a generous reader wanted to make a 25 dollar a month donation to me. When I saw it in Paypal I couldn't tell that it was incoming and the people at Paypal were no help informing me otherwise so it wound up being cancelled. We had caught it in midstream before the transfer happened. This is how misread the whole day went.

I have a big thing about not being understood and slander. It originates from early childhood where my own father slandered me often and also in public. I was also accused of things I didn’t do and often severely punished simply on the suspicion of them, with zero evidence, that I was involved. Once my father read something in the paper and immediately assumed it was me. Factor this in with my having been arrested twice for major- and in one case, multiple felonies. One of them spanned a course of almost 6 years with between 3 and 4 on the inside. The other amounted to only 90 days but it carried a life sentence.; In both cases I was entrapped and it took significant effort to do this because I WAS NOT engaging in this kind of thing, which was drug dealing. I didn’t abstain for any moral or legal reasons. In that case, the legal and moral restrictions amount to bullshit in my mind. No, I abstained because I wasn’t very good at it. I tend to give things away and also be my own best customer, so it only took a brief foray into the arena to figure out I could get in real trouble with this kind of cavalier approach and I don’t mean the police. I personally know some number of people who got their asses in a sling. The heir to Metro Goldwyn Mayer (I didn’t know him, an associate did), was found with his hands bound behind him with coat hanger wire and received a bullet to the back of the head.

There was a Wild West atmosphere in this area after Nelson-Nazgul- Rockefeller passed his Draconian drug law. Prior to... it was a much more relaxed venue. Afterwards it got serious and dangerous; another good reason not to be involved.

What I was doing, that caught the attention of law enforcement was being a public figure around whom certain things were happening. Since these things had esoteric connections they appeared very suspicious to those who do not recognize such things in the course of their spurious duties.

In Philadelphia, I befriended a sociopath named Rick, who was a bass player in a former friend’s band. I helped this guy get on the police force on Maui and he turned on me in dramatic fashion. How I helped him was not through influence with the police but more along the lines of complete support and attendant considerations. Eventually after his betrayal against me wound up smacking him upside the head, he had to leave the police department and went back to Philadelphia where he told all kinds of outrageous lies about me, I had many friends down there and it is to be assumed that some number believed this fellow. Later on he proved to that community to be a scoundrel but that doesn’t erase what he had done to me, reputation wise, earlier. Because of the nature of my personal being and the fact of my capacity to influence people and have good things said about me, my condition routinely generated, generates, a certain amount of resentment, jealousy and envy. It also arouses ego ire. I’m way past being convinced about the features and realities of all this. I have lived it repeatedly. I would know and I do know. Then there’s the kind of resentment that comes when certain readers mistakenly presume I don’t take them seriously, or don’t respond immediately or effectively, about something they want me to read or do. They don’t realize the volume of personalities I have to deal with. I don’t usually mind this, nor is this a plea not to interact with me. It comes with the territory. It’s what I do. It just happened; the way everything in my life just happens. I’m outlining so many of the examples of similar things that have collectively served to put me at a particular level of apprehension and also displeasure at the way some people operate.

Various slanders and overkill have been responsible for my losing any number of readers at this blog. I’ve always been candid about my part of the responsibility in each case and that is why there are no follow-ups because the parties involved have no further ground to stand on but... the damage was done. Maybe that’s all they wanted. Anyone can do what I do. They just have to be willing to go through what I have gone through and go through. Anyone can have the good offices of a muse. You simply have to impress her. All that takes is industry and internal reaching for inspiration, along with a certain character of the heart. No action of performance is denied any of us if we put the work and struggle into it. Zeal and persistence, not to mention enthusiasm are wonderful things. Everything in my life, both positive and seemingly negative, has occurred because of my invisible friends, either by causing it or permitting it for the purpose of education.

All of us have invisible helpmates and minders, unless we have the infernal variety but... too few of us communicate with or talk to them. I do, that’s the difference. If you keep talking to them they will speak to you, especially in times like this. Not everyone has actual conversations like I do. Sometimes the back and forth is an interplay of feelings. The difference in this regard can be likened to the difference between words and music. Some few of us are lucky enough to have both. I can tell you, most assuredly, that possessing this makes the things of the world much less important than they generally are to people. Everything you can have or do here, you can have or do in a much more pleasant and spectacular way elsewhere.

I’ll leave you with an illustration of this as it applies to sex and also feature The Tarot in such a way as to show the practical value of it. The Hermit card is a pictorial example of one who possesses the inner light. It’s got all kinds of attributes and one knowledgeable of its meanings can talk for hours simply on that one card, or any of them. One of the chief things associated with this card is the sense of touch and that refers to internal coitus with higher energies. The known ecstasy of the saints and rapture of mystics is akin to this. Pedestrian sex has a strong allure and is a major attraction down here and the performance of it here leads to more down here in many ways, just as the up there leads to more up there in many ways. The key point of the affair and... I speak from personal experience here, is that such interplay with the invisible and ineffable far exceeds in pleasure what is possible in the physical sense. It also has none of the liabilities of that expression with a great many assets the other does not possess.

Most people (there he goes again) can’t see the truth of this, or the potential value, it’s too arcane for their state of being. If your focus is on what’s down here, well, where your heart is, there your pleasure (grin) is also. It takes a great deal of tandem suffering and aspiration to get to the other state but its value is priceless. The sense of assurance alone is worth more than the wealth of fabled kingdoms. I’m quite certain that if Solomon were asked to make a choice between his wealth and his wisdom, it would require no thought for him to respond, concerning where his true wealth lay. Once you have had the benefit of certain experiences, you require no further convincing and, as I’ve said many times, I don’t have to convince anyone else, I only have to convince myself.

In any case, we are all different insofar as what sorts of things affect us and occasionally these aspects of our temperament can be difficult to dismiss. We don’t know which course anyone of us has come over to get where they are and this is one of the reasons there is an admonition against judgment. However, actions can be judged even if authors are sometimes given a pass. The reason for this also is that we all have our shortcomings as per, ‘the mote in their eye and the beam in your own’. In conclusion, I’m having a much better day than yesterday. It’s a very different day too because it’s filled with premonition of things about to occur in a personal sense, good things, as a matter of fact. It’s been some while in this bus station bardo... heh heh, it gets old and as many of us know, so do we ...but... eventually, if we’re on course, innocence regenerates. There’s a card for that too. There’s a card for everything under the sun and none of it’s new except for the packaging.

End Transmission......

The novel's entry into print is just a tad more complex than previously thought but... definitely out this week.

26
comments:

Anonymous
said...

Man you're not kidding about yesterday. Haven't had a rough one like that in a long time. :(

Yes! Today is far better!

In fact, maybe it's time to start up a conversation with my invisible friends. Strangely, last night I lay awake thinking about them and likening them to an offensive line; moving the team down field and protecting the quarterback. I'm quite sure that I have no idea just how much they have performed in that role as it pertains to me. :)

Vis- Great post here- I really enjoyed it. Being a hermit myself I can agree- there is a knowing that comes with it. After 50 yrs. on this wonderful blue ball I have a much better understanding of the workings of the cosmos. I do have 2 children who I am still raising up to bee free souls... but been a lone wolf when it comes to other adults. I have learned much by working with my deck of tarot-it has given important insights- clues-to help me along. thanks vis! -jen

i've noticed time and again that particularly challenging rough spots are inevitably followed by a glorious spike of higher power love. the ride has gotten faster lately with these highs and lows coming on each other's heels...barely time to breathe in between. this fascinates me and keeps me 'attuned'. where as it once was more of a tedious enduring of same same it has now become much more vivid -- more challenging -- and more rewarding.

@ Ginnie Christmas -Your post referring 'spiritual/cosmic intercourse' recalled to me the remarkable Simone Weil's experience at Solesmes Cathedral, where "Christ himself came down and took possession of me...."

"In 1938 I spent ten days at Solesmes, from Palm Sunday to Easter Tuesday, following all the liturgical services. I was suffering from splitting headaches; each sound hurt me like a blow; by an extreme effort of concentration I was able to rise above this wretched flesh, to leave it to suffer by itself, heaped up in a corner, and to find a pure and perfect joy in the unimaginable beauty of the chanting and the words. This experience enabled me by analogy to get a better understanding of the possibility of loving divine love in the midst of affliction. It goes without saying that in the course of these services the thought of the Passion of Christ entered into my being once and for all.

There was a young English Catholic there from whom I gained my first idea of the supernatural power of the sacraments because of the truly angelic radiance with which he seemed to be clothed after going to communion. Chance -- for I always prefer saying chance rather than Providence -- made of him a messenger to me. For he told me of the existence of those English poets of the seventeenth century who are named metaphysical. In reading them later on, I discovered the poem of which I read you what is unfortunately a very inadequate translation. It is called "Love". I learned it by heart. Often, at the culminating point of a violent headache, I make myself say it over, concentrating all my attention upon it and clinging with all my soul to the tenderness it enshrines. I used to think I was merely reciting it as a beautiful poem, but without my knowing it the recitation had the virtue of a prayer. It was during one of these recitations that, as I told you, Christ himself came down and took possession of me...Moreover, in this sudden possession of me by Christ, neither my senses nor my imagination had any part; I only felt in the midst of my suffering the presence of a love, like that which one can read in the smile on a beloved face.

Yesterday it took four hours to get home. Transportation breakdown. Freezing weather. Walking too far in the icy wind.

Odd day all around.

Mandocello

P.S.

Vis,

There is something horrendously twisted about that part of the Philadelphia area in which you circulated, then as now. I know first hand, having spent three decades in and around it, as an outsider. I've yet to meet a Main Line native who wasn't a poster child for one aspect or another(or several) of fuckedup-ness on this temporal plane.

Okay, okay, let's back up a minute here for the neophyte. May I have it a bit more clearly? This "intercourse with the Divine," is it a mystical state of mind only, or does it come with physical pleasure as well? I ask sincerely.

Ones whole being experiences a thrilling high intensity vibrational massage within but that aspect is a little hard to tell; just my own experience. It varies person to person and depends on the higher Devic entity being experienced. There is a vast spectrum across which this kind of thing can and does happen. It also caries in intensity, depending on ones capacity to be caught up. Lengthy fasting can also lead to similar experiences but one needs to know what they're doing and work up to it.

.................................

Yeah, Main Line resident are somewhat twisted. Philly haves are different than other city haves compared to their have nots. I found living there to be distasteful often. There's a huge Tribe presence there and you notice it.

What we call an out of body orgasm experience on the human level cannot compare to this!

I don't have an organ that would process the "after-throb"...if that is your question!

Although...a cigarette does come to mind afterward!

Think of how a continuous mind twinkle or musical "trill" would feel in your brain...that might express the "after glow"...brain sparkling and things wonderful...colors that are music with a general all over...YES!

But you are someplace else and everywhere and joy untold.

Very inadequate description.

The memory of them does fade but never go away. And you know you are told things but you don't remember! Happy secrets. Just out of remembering but there non the less.

I see. Do we get to smoke a cigarette afterwards? Okay, just kidding and not meaning any offense or invalidation of something wonderful. I'll look out for it though am quite unsure of how to cultivate it. And sometimes, here in the physical realm, joining with the beloved is Divine and all duality melted.

Wow, note the synchronous resonance in the last two comments about the cigarette.

Galen, you find the right meditation discipline to practice and then it's a matter of time. We're not talking about sex in any classical way as it is understood down here, It's just that the very best one can have of that down here bears a striking resemblance to the sensations coursing through one's being.

@galenMy first and thus far only experience of it, if this counts, was in fact like a full body orgasm; minus the tension buildup. Imagine gently drifting into complete ecstasy. So inspired was I that I banged out a query letter the next day for a book called Meditation: The Bigger O. Anyway, I had just successfully meditated for the first time for about maybe five whole minutes. When done, I rememeber saying "I did it" with this cat full of cream smile on my face and I felt my entire body tingling, a lightness and effervescense encompassing all of me. I'm convinced I was sparkling just a bit. It was amazing. A cigarette was mandatory.

Sorry to hear that. Comes with the territory, particular for 'sensitive' types (grin). I do wonder, though, whether it is 'yours' or from outside.

This morning, I woke up woe-be-gone. Couldn't sleep, so I began meditating. I couldn't get in touch with my Higher Self. Hmmm. So, I did a few alternate routes. Lo and behold, I was being attacked. Turns out, a group of folks were 'injecting' stuff, and blocking access in the process. After a bunch of clearing/cleaning of them (with plenty of help), my contact with Higher Self was fine. Also, and the point of this spiel, I felt much better. Most of my woe-be-gone state originated because of the actions of this group. Not that I don't have my 'down' moments, but now I check...---Vis: "...and that refers to internal coitus with higher energies. The known ecstasy of the saints and rapture of mystics is akin to this."

For me, this takes many forms. As Vis remarked in a later comment, the type and quality of the experience depends on the Consciousness Level of the Being involved. Or, how much your Higher Self wants to merge with you...

Once, long ago in Seattle, I was actually 'sparkled' by a (real) Faerie. I was in meditation, and could actually 'see' it descend toward my heart chakra. Just above the heart, it released something into my heart that was of the highest bliss that I had ever experienced. It literally took my breath away. Rapturous.

The Stonehenge stone-circle-entity, on the other hand, is so innately powerful that even a slight 'merging' moves beyond ecstasy into the edges of almost overwhelming. Almost like being blown in a strong wind. Other stone-circle-entities tend to be more 'mellow' in their energies, more like an almost-electrical 'buzz' - if a combination of energy movement and ecstatic feelings can be called that.

Higher Self can be anywhere from a mild 'tickle' to 'hang on' in it's intensity. In-the-middle is a nice 'sensation' of warmth, current flow, and mild ecstasy. It can be from seconds to hours in length. Sometimes, I come out of it mildly 'fried', but feeling WELL, if that makes sense.

A slight warning, though. This is not just about ecstatic feelings. All that good energy being pumped into oneself causes anything not of that 'new level' to be expelled. It can be quite 'messy' at first. Later, with repetition, you can sense it coming and not expel it onto other folks.

Also, those energy/ecstasy feelings can seem almost 'addicting'. One can feel subdued, withdrawn, isolated, and other reactionary feelings after the 'glow' has gone away. The 'contrast' between that state and ordinary life becomes quite apparent. It becomes a matter of gritting one's teeth and just 'dealing with it'. Keep reminding yourself that you're better off now than before. It'll be back...

As many have no-doubt noted, this 'path' is not to be taken lightly (except that it is). It has consequences, both cool and dark-night-of-the-soul type. For me, so far, it has been worth it.

unique and individualpresented innumerable waysin the bird flying highin the children at playlife indefinablelessons prove it sothe master lives in all of usup to us to growthe more we allow the better things becomesome are trapped in lieswar and chaos what they brungblinded by controlcollecting riches of the eyeriches of the heartthey dismiss and denywell its a weird old worldour lessons hard to learnmaybe its easier if we prepare in our hearts we truely yearn.

..peace..

Tuesday, August 03, 2010 8:37:00 AM

This one was second pick, first one did't fit . Thank You Neil.

Kick Ass comments people. This state of mind your talking about, I would call a spiritual orgasm. I would say that it's indescribable. But it sure feels perfect , doesn't it?