It is so late and I know I need to be sleeping. Tomorrow will be a hard day. But I am finding it more and more difficult to take my eyes off of Cailey.

She had an MRI today. It was this big, ugly machine with ‘Danger! This magnet is ALWAYS on’ stickers all over the door. Sure, take my baby in there and strap her in that thing and do, only God knows what, for half an hour while she lays perfectly still. She did great. She threw up as soon as she got out. She is the strongest, bravest, most beautiful person I know. It is tearing me up inside to see her hurting so bad.

As I was sitting waiting for the MRI to finish I kept praying, ‘Ok God. I’m ready. I’m ready for you to come down and heal her now. I’m ready for you to take away all her pain. I know You can do this. I am ready.’

I think of the Lazarus story. Lazarus was Jesus’s friend. Jesus loved Lazarus. When Lazarus’s sisters sent for Jesus because he was sick, Jesus said he would be there soon. Jesus continued to teach and love and heal perfect strangers while his beloved Lazarus grew sicker and sicker and even died. Jesus went to Lazarus three days later and His heart was broken. He loved Lazarus. Mary and Martha did not understand at all. But then an amazing thing happened … Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead. So many that saw came to believe that day. So many more than if Jesus had healed Lazarus when he was just sick. I know God’s timing is perfect. This story tells me that even when it doesn’t seem like it, God’s timing is always perfect.

We got the results of Cailey’s MRI tonight. She has small abscesses of infection between her skull and her brain across her forehead and beside her eyes. She is in terrible pain. She can’t hold anything in her stomach. The Neurosurgeon said they may have to go in and wash the infection out.

My dearest, heavenly Father, I am ready for You to heal my baby. I am beyond ready. I can’t stand to see her hurting this way. I can’t stand it for one more second. I am begging You to heal my baby and take away her pain. I am begging you Father. YOUR BELOVED IS BEGGING YOU! I lay before You now, with my face on the ground, clutching Your feet sweet Jesus, giving You everything I have and saying the hardest words I’ve ever said. They get stuck in my throat and burn my insides up … not mine, but Your will be done. Your perfect and beautiful will.

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One Response to MRI

Lord, hear their prayer. In Your faithfulness listen to their plea, and in Your righteousness answer them. (Psalm 143:1)

They cry aloud to You LORD; They plead aloud to You Lord for mercy. They pour out their complaint before You; and they reveal their trouble to You. Although their spirit is weak within them, You Lord know their way. (Psalm 142:1-3)

Consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. But endurance must do it complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing. (James 1:2-4)

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again Rejoice! Let your graciousness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:4-7)

Lord, I lift up my fellow believers to You. I pray that you would comfort them in knowing You are near. Listen as they pour out their hearts to You. Strengthen them in their weakness. May they rejoice and with thankful hearts come before You as they cry out to you. Sustain them with the peace that passes all understanding. We boldly rest in knowing you hear and answer us. Guard and protect their hearts and minds through the blood of Jesus Christ and quickly complete the work of enduring this trial so that they lack nothing in their relationship with you. In Jesus Name, Amen.