I love it when I read an inspired piece of writing and it sinks into me and dwells in my heart and mind for days. That’s what happened when I read Stacey Monk's post on Facebook. I don’t know if she realised the impact her words would have, but they were quickly shared, I myself discovering them via my friend Kimberley. She wrote -

“If I could do anything for do-gooders, it would be to strip away that warm fuzzy veneer and expose the fierce, radical, revolutionary force within.

We are not sweet, not soft, not precious. Our hearts are audacious and wildly free and often dare to stand bitterly cold and alone at the far edges of what is normal or acceptable or desirable.

We are not naive. It's not that we aren't smart or strong enough to see the world as it is. We are fiercely determined to create the world that could be. And before it even exists, we have to go live there. In the beautiful but lonely Siberia of possibilities not yet realized.

The climate has made us fearless and formidable. Our wide-open hearts are not a weakness. We love the world with ferocity, intensity and raw, unrestrained humanity. Our love is not a weakness - it is power.”

~ Stacey Monk

Wow! I thought and then, Yes....yes! I get this. I know this. I’ve always known it on some intuitive level but would never have known how to begin to articulate it. I am thankful that Stacey has, and so powerfully.

This past week I have had experiences with two different people whose perceptions of me represented both sides of the coin. And having these words fresh in my mind helped me to deal with being seen as weak and powerless and easily used by one and enjoy the privilege of being truly seen and appreciated for who I am by the other.

A young woman I helped a few years ago contacted me to let me that she had nominated me for a homewares gift hamper as a thank you for ‘a random act of kindness’. She wanted me to read her letter, so that even if I didn’t win I’d know the extent of the impact my kindness had had on her life and how much she appreciated me and saw me as a strong and inspirational role model. It was all the gift I needed.

I was so touched and humbled by her words but also so grateful for being seen for who I have come to believe myself to be. As Stacey says, it can be lonely in Siberia. And sometimes I wonder if it’s all worth it. It is. How can it not be.

Being true to what you value, whatever that may be and sharing it with the world, whether it is ever recognised or not, is the greatest gift you can give to yourself. Because at the end of the day, you'll know that you have lived in accordance with your heart, and that is all that matters.

How do you begin again? When you are back at square one, have hit rock bottom or feel like you have been stripped bare. Or even, sometimes, gone so far backwards that you feel like you have almost ceased to exist, to yourself and the rest of the world? We can find ourselves in these places for all sorts of reasons.

For me, as you may know, it’s chronic illness exacerbated by acutely disabling episodes that can last days, weeks or even months. Prolonged downtime can be challenging but we need it to be able to heal and it gives us the opportunity to reassess what is important to us.

We also have time to think about how we'd really like to be spending our time and can explore ways of achieving that. But sometimes our ideal is just not possible for us because of new limitations, so our searching becomes more of a case of deciding what is doable right now.

How do you know when it's the right time to try moving forward?

Every day is a new beginning .... always.

Sometimes the beginning will gain traction and sometimes it won't and that’s ok. The key is to keep testing if we can, every day. In time it will feel right.

For myself, coming out of two acute episodes back to back has meant that I have for the most part of the last month been confined to my bed. As I type this, it is the first time I have sat up in a chair for almost two weeks. I know my muscles won’t last long! But that’s ok, I have begun to move forward, if only a little.

When I can’t do anything physically I invariably end up spending way too much time in my head. So as I begin again (besides slowly re-engaging in basic functioning tasks) I have decided that I really need to try to balance that out. By doing something creative. In a practical, hands on kind of way. And having fun doing it! But it needs to be something that I can manage with my current limitations. And I think I've found it! If you are a creative type like me, you might enjoy it too.

Starting this week Effy Wild is offering to guide anyone who is so inclined through Liz Lamoreaux’s book Inner Excavation. I have been wanting to try art journalling for a while now and this free seven week program can be as gentle and easy (just what I need!) or as intricately inspired as you want it to be. And guess what the first chapter subject is? - “I Begin......”. Perfect.

Links are below if you'd like to find out more. If it's not the right time for you to begin now with Effy, with the option of engaging with her Glitterhood on Facebook, you can do so independently at any time via Liz’s inner excavate along blog.

Sometimes I think my life is destined to be a tragedy rather than a triumph. Even if I have moments of triumph, tragedy seems determined to have its way each time.

With each further deterioration of my health I try to remind myself that I can only do what I can do and must surrender to the rest. I have no other choice. Except to fight it, rail against it and make myself even more miserable in the process. And sometimes I do just that. Negative feelings need their expression too.

Surrender is not the same as giving up. I have been close to giving up many times. All hope of anything ever being any different, gone. My world becomes black, dark and lonely. There is grief, anger, resentment and deep sadness. And I feel like I will inhabit this space for eternity.

Eventually, the sadness softens and I allow myself to fall into it. It cocoons me and I become comfortable there. A little seed of hope begins to make itself felt deep in my heart. It wants to grow and emerge into the light.

What must I do?

Surrender to what is. Relax and allow myself to crack open until the gap is wide enough for the light to work its way in and begin to grow that seed of hope in my heart that has been washed with my tears.

In reality my situation is no different but this growing tendril of hope will help me find my way back to life. And promises that with each new level of acceptance, peace and joy can be mine again.

I am struggling with being enough, and particularly for you, while I am sick. I so want to be able to find a way to give my best to you but it is so hard when I am just not well enough to do so. That, and not being able to do even the most basic of things, makes me sad.

So, this week I am going to practice being strong. Would you like to join me? I will be using Daniell Koepke's words as inspiration......

"Being strong means refusing to tolerate people and things that wound your soul.

I was privileged to be able to see and hear Michael Leunig in conversation last night in my home town. For those that don’t know him, he is a well known Australian writer, poet, cartoonist, social commentator and most importantly, to me, barometer of the soul.

I didn’t take notes. I wish I had now, he spoke so many gems. I would like to have shared them with you. Still, being extra unwell at the moment, I did well just to be there! So all I can do is recommend him and his new book to you.

Like most artists, his work naturally inspires others’ creative work. He intimated that he doesn’t feel that his work belongs to him. Once it’s created it belongs to the collective and ripples out. As he has been inspired by others, his work inspires in its turn and that, according to Leunig is just as it should be.

In the spirit of this process, I first heard some of my favourite Leunig words as a song when I participated in a social justice choir about ten years ago. I’m not a singer but luckily for me anyone was welcome to join! The choir leader was Fay White and she had put these beautiful words to music -

Love is bornWith a dark and troubled faceWhen hope is deadAnd in the most unlikely placeLove is bornLove is always born.

~ Michael Leunig

Feeling vulnerable but wanting to model courage I have recorded (on my iphone) me singing this poem/song for you. The music Fay wrote makes Leunig’s words, I think, extra poignant and healing and I want you to be able to share in that. My husband Marty, who is a musician is playing the guitar and singing too. Forgive it’s rawness, it is done with love!

To me, this poem is full of truth, worded with beauty and laced with hope. It allows freedom to take wing inside me and peace to settle more firmly in my heart. Leunig dwells at the soul level and that is what is so special about him. Last night he cited Carl Rogers, “What is most personal is also most universal.” I agree.

Let us all have the courage to bare our imperfections and vulnerable souls and meet our likeness in each other with love.

I have not been well enough to write for you so I thought I would share this extract from an essay by writer and poet David Whyte.

His words resonated for me especially in light of having shared of myself here on this blog and having you, now my dear friends, be a witness to it.

With some of you, a personal connection between us has begun where I hope to be able to be a witness for you in return. In many ways I feel that I have found my people and I am so grateful.

"The ultimate touchstone of friendship is not improvement, neither of the other nor of the self: the ultimate touchstone is witness, the privilege of having been seen by someone and the equal privilege of being granted the sight of the essence of another, to have walked with them and to have believed in them, and sometimes just to have accompanied them for however brief a span, on a journey impossible to accomplish alone."

I happened across Miki Devivo’s ‘Love Notes’ and just had to share them with you!

I think they are a great idea. They are such a fun, easy, thoughtful and surprising way to share the love that's in your heart with the people you care about. Miki suggests lots of ways for how to use them.

She includes two blank pages for front and back covers so that they can also be made into a cute little book and I thought, why can’t we also make a little love note book for ourselves?

It would be perfect to have on hand for those times when we need a little pick me up, to remind ourselves of how wonderful we really are, even when we might not be feeling that way.

If you are not comfortable with, or have trouble filling them in because it's about you, then ask your friends and family to help you. I’m sure they could come up with some lovely answers that you could use!

I recently subscribed to the gorgeous Jen Lee’s Emerging Icon Series. In one of her videos she invites us to look at how we might identify with a character in a movie as a way of giving shape to the kind of identity we currently embody or have recently inhabited.

She then asks us to think about how we could be more intentional about which character we may like to embrace moving forward in our lives and talks about ways we can navigate 'the gap' in between.

Being the sort of person who needs to put everything into context, I found myself thinking about not just where I am now and where I am headed but the whole of my life - the characters and stories that reflect my journey from childhood until now. Here is what came up for me -

Mary in The Secret Garden

Susanna in Girl Interrupted

Beverly in Riding in Cars with Boys

Vianne in Chocolat

April in Revolutionary Road

Philippe in The Intouchables

It was such a thought provoking exercise to engage in and an interesting way to story my life.

Is a new character emerging in me? I am looking forward to spending some time in this 'gap' in between. It is exciting to think about how I might shape that character for myself and truly be the author of my own story. I am realising more and more that we really do have the power to story our own lives.

Even though we can’t always control what happens to us, we can choose the stories we tell ourselves.

What is the story of your life?

What story are you telling yourself right now?

Could it be helpful to tell it in a different way?

What character might be emerging in you, I wonder?

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments or as always, if you prefer, send me a personal message at Say Hello! I always love hearing from you.

To find Jen Lee’s free Emerging Icon video series click here. She also offers other resources around the concept of telling your story which look fabulous.

The Jesus story is part of my heritage and even with the potentially problematic language it sometimes uses, it helps give shape and meaning to my life without me necessarily believing in its historical truth. For me it is more about believing in its inherent truth and power as a story.

Just because I may not see it as ‘true’ does not mean that the story has no value for me. We read, learn from and are even transformed by fiction stories all the time and think nothing of it. The christian easter story for me, is no different and is just as valid.

Each Good Friday, I listen to Nichole Nordeman’s song “Why” to put myself at the foot of the cross. I usually end up in tears at the intensity of the sadness I feel for Jesus’ suffering and his willingness to die for those he loves. It opens me wide to a feeling of deep compassion for all the suffering in the world and also my own.

The resurrection reminds me that this same deep suffering has the potential to be transformed into deep joy and to have hope that this is truly possible. I remind myself of the words of Pope John Paul II - “Do not abandon yourselves to despair, we are an Easter people and Hallelujah is our song!”

I think of Jesus again and I feel deep gratitude for this one man's willingness to suffer so much, all so that I can come to understand and engage with this type of hope. Whether the story is true or not - I have no choice but to love him.