Rural Oklahoma family featured in ad supporting same-sex marriage

WASHINGTON — After a long career in the U.S. Army and civil service, Ed Cuyler retired to a ranch near Fort Sill, where he has joined the battle for same-sex marriage.

It’s personal for Cuyler. His daughter, Deedra, was married to her partner, Amber, in 2011 in Massachusetts, the first state to legalize same-sex marriage. The couple live on the ranch with their three children.

The whole family will be seen in a television ad that begins running statewide Monday. Sponsored by Freedom Oklahoma and Freedom to Marry, the ad aims to make the people as recognizable as the rural landscape.

“We’re a normal family,” Deedra Cuyler said in an interview Sunday. “We work, we try to take care of our children.”

Ed Cuyler, who has been married to his wife, Robbie, for 36 years, fought in Vietnam and Cambodia; he spent 12 years on active duty and 22 years in the Army Reserves.

“I just don’t think you should be denied rights that all of us veterans fought for,” he said in an interview. It wasn’t fair, he said, that the laws regarding health benefits and estates and other matters that heterosexual couples take for granted don’t apply to same-sex couples in Oklahoma.

Asked if he would hold the same position if it weren’t for his daughter, Cuyler said, “I would think and I would hope I would be the same way.”

Under the state constitutional amendment adopted overwhelmingly in Oklahoma in 2004, the state does not recognize same-sex marriages from other states. Deedra, who has worked at the Goodyear tire plant in Lawton for nearly 24 years, said the law prevents her from adding Amber to her health insurance policy, though the kids are on it.

View the ad here

A federal judge in Tulsa ruled in January that Oklahoma’s ban on same-sex marriage violates the 14th Amendment guarantee of equal protection under the law. The 10th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals is expected to rule in the next few weeks on the Oklahoma case and a similar one from Utah.

While the legal question is now in the hands of judges — the issue is likely to go to the U.S. Supreme Court, perhaps later this year — supporters of same-sex marriage are waging a public relations campaign to frame the issue as one of liberty and equality.

Last month, when the appeals court judges heard oral arguments in the cases, the national Freedom to Marry group sponsored an ad in Oklahoma and other states in the court’s purview featuring former Wyoming Sen. Alan Simpson, a Republican, endorsing marriage equality.

Regarding the new ad, Evan Wolfson, president of Freedom to Marry, said, “We know that when people hear stories like the Cuylers, hearts and minds open up and they realize that only marriage gives the responsibilities and protections that all families need and deserve.”

Ed Cuyler said his friends have accepted Deedra and her family and that the views of people in Oklahoma were slowly changing on same-sex marriage.

Deedra said, “I know some people are afraid — you are afraid of what you don’t know.”

Rules for posting comments

Comments posted below are from readers. In no way do they represent the view of Stephens Media LLC or this newspaper. This is a public forum.

Comments may be monitored for inappropriate content but the newspaper is under no obligation to do so. Comment posters are solely responsible under the Communications Decency Act for comments posted on this Web site. Stephens Media LLC is not liable for messages from third parties.

IP and email addresses of persons who post are not treated as confidential records and will be disclosed in response to valid legal process.

Do not post:

Potentially libelous statements or damaging innuendo.

Obscene, explicit, or racist language.

Copyrighted materials of any sort without the express permission of the copyright holder.

Personal attacks, insults or threats.

The use of another person's real name to disguise your identity.

Comments unrelated to the story.

If you believe that a commenter has not followed these guidelines, please click the FLAG icon below the comment.