Journey 2 sinks Vernes isle in brainless 3-D muck

This 3-D sort-of sequel wears its formula-for-dollars purpose
with pride, delivering a dash of cinematic nonsense that represents
Hollywood calculation at its most shameless.

Again poking Jules Verne's remains with a sharp stick, the
producers of the 2008 hit Journey to the Center of the Earth
present their second modern take on the 19th-century fantasist's
wild stories. And Mysterious Island is every bit the amusement park
ride cloaked as a movie that the first Journey was, the new flick
stranding a misfit band of adventurers on Verne's lost island of
freakish creatures.

What this one lacks by comparison is the relative novelty of
digital 3-D, which was in its infancy for mainstream theatrical
releases when Journey to the Center of the Earth came out.

It also lacks the likable goof factor of Brendan Fraser, who
starred in the first movie but isn't back for the second. Dwayne
Johnson steps in this time, and while he tries to yuck it up amid
the nonstop action, he's just not a goofball on the order of
Fraser, who somehow can make extreme silliness palatable with that
big, simpering grin of his. Johnson, on the other hand, merely
simpers.

Journey 2 also features a change of directors, with Brad Peyton
(Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore) overseeing a
collection of impressive but annoying visuals, serving up gimmicky
3-D that's continually trying to poke things in your eye.

Johnson stars as ex-Navy guy Hank, stepfather to troublesome
teenager Sean Anderson (Josh Hutcherson, reprising his role from
the first Journey).

In its rushed and clunky opening minutes, Journey 2 establishes
that Sean's a bad-boy genius who resents his stepdad; bonds the two
in a scene that shows Hank's an OK guy and Sean's not such a bad
boy and not such a genius; sends them off to the South Pacific in
search of Sean's grandfather (Michael Caine), who sent a cryptic
transmission that he had found Verne's supposedly fictional island;
and lands them in the company of helicopter pilot Gabato (Luis
Guzman) and his beautiful daughter, Kailani (Vanessa Hudgens), who
ferry the visitors to the remote isle.

Size matters to the filmmakers here, which might be why they
signed up Johnson, a co-producer as well as star, who strains for
some laughs with an overdone gag about his massive pectoral
muscles.

The actors make an effort with the interminable repartee they're
given to mutter, but the presence of actors as good as Caine and
Guzman only highlights how dreadful and dumb the banter is.

The 3-D images have improved greatly since the first Journey,
but even more this time, the filmmakers play a game of "made you
flinch" with cheap shots of objects hurtling off the screen. Good
for a giggle at a theme park attraction, good for some groans and
grousing when paying a 3-D premium to park your carcass in a
theater for 90 minutes.

The root of the franchise is kind of clever, updating Verne's
novels to our times by pretending they weren't fantasies but
chronicles of actual expeditions. And Journey 2 has its heart in
the right place as a family-friendly adventure that might interest
some kids in checking out Verne's books.

If only the movie had the hint of a brain.

MOVIE RATING

Journey 2: The Mysterious Island

**

Rated PG, 94 minutes.

Opens Friday.

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