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Life Has Been A Little Strange

When I started this blog, I talked about my big move. I knew it was coming. Yet, it still feels so strange that the time is almost here. I’ve got less than 12 months before the new chapter of my life begins and I can really feel it. The shift has forced me to really start to think about what I want. I mean, I’m always thinking about what I want, but now I actually feel closer to getting it.

I’ll be honest. Several times now, I’ve considered not moving to Japan anymore. It’s my childhood dream, sure, and it’s what I want to do as an adult. For many reasons. But ever since the countdown officially began, doubt has entered the picture and started messing with my mind. Will I ever actually learn Japanese? What if I come to Japan and I get overwhelmed with loneliness? What about my medical conditions?

Before I knew it, I was contemplating the “safer” route in life. How about I stay in America because it’s familiar and “won’t” cause me as much trouble as moving to a different country. Typing it out makes the concept even more laughable to me, but I was seriously beginning to see things that way. As if absolutely nothing could go wrong in America. As if I don’t often feel isolated and lonely right here in my own country. I even attend a university filled with people who look like me and I’ve managed to make less than 5 friends in the 3 years I’ve been attending.

My mantra has always been this; there will be challenges no matter where I go. I already know that this is true and I find it to be applicable to situations other than moving. All of the “safe” and “secure” routes in life have the potential to end even worse than the risky option. Marriage vs staying single, adopting vs having my own children, renting vs buying a home… I could stay right here in the states and an unfortunate twist of events could lead to my downfall.

So I say all of this to say, I am definitely still moving. If nothing else, the fact that it seems scary is more motivation to do it. I even see it as a sign that I am fulfilling a part of God’s purpose for my life because anything He wants me to do always feels like I’m running into a lion’s den (in the beginning).

Having to plan my going away and graduation party, look for jobs, prepare for my big downsize… it’s all been so wild because it feels like it’s really about to happen. Not to mention, in 2018 I changed. I’m always expecting things around me to change, but the way that things went this year changed me… for the better, I hope. I don’t just feel like I’m going into a new chapter, but I feel like I am a new woman doing it. And it’s so crazy because neither the events that changed me, or the way that I change were things that I could’ve seen coming. It’s all so strange to me.