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Jokes

We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily.
As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

A wee Belfast boy came home from school in tears.

"What's the matter, son?" asked his mammy.

"We were doing sums today, Mammy," he said.

"And were they too hard?"

"Well, the teacher said either I either couldn't count, or I was stupid, or maybe all three."

-- Joke submitted by Selinder [Jokes]

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A publicity man had bought himself a new computer and was crawling under the desk with an extension cord, trying to plug it in. One of his clients came in and caught him in the act.

The client laughed and quipped, "You press agents are always looking for a plug!"

-- Joke submitted by Danny [Jokes]

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As a young married couple, a husband and a wife lived in a cheap housing complex near the base where he was working.

Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and that they had no privacy. This was painfully obvious when one morning the wife was upstairs and the husband was downstairs on the telephone. He was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet his neighbor.

"Give this to your wife," he said thrusting a roll of toilet paper into his hands. "She's been yelling for it for 20 minutes!"

-- Joke submitted by Lorraine [Jokes]

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A man in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He keeps throwing it into the air, where the wind catches it for a few seconds before it comes crashing down. Watching him from the kitchen window, his wife mutters how men have to be told how to do everything. So she opens the window and yells, "You need more tail!"

He shouts back, "Make up your mind! Last night you told me to go fly a kite."

-- Joke submitted by Xter [Jokes]

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A man was driving along the road when all of a sudden he has to swerve to avoid a box falling off the lorry in front.

Seconds later a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. As the policeman starting writing the ticket he noticed the box was full of nails and tacks.

"I had to serve or I'd have run over those and blown my tyres!" protested the driver.

"Ok," replied the officer, ripping up the ticket, "but I'm still bringing you in."