(I work at a pool that has a pretty low-enrolment swim program, since we work in an inner city. Since it’s not too busy, there are no guards during this time as they are in the water with the kids. This rule is advertised everywhere and patrons are made aware when they enter the building. For some reason, this customer, who purposefully wears his swim trunks low, starts coming in to try and use the hot tub during instructional times. He used to come on Saturday mornings before lessons started, so it wasn’t an issue — other than his low swim trunks — but I guess his schedule changes and he starts to try during times it isn’t open to the public. This is the usual exchange we have:)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the hot tub is not open to the public due to swimming lessons.”

Customer: “It’s not working?”

Me: “No, it’s working, but the pool is closed to the public during swim times.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m just going to lie in there for two minutes.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you can’t. We have no guards to watch you because we are teaching children swim lessons at this time, which is why the pool is closed to the public. You can come back at 7:00 pm and the pool will be open to the public again.”

Customer: “Ah! Only for little kids?”

Me: “Yes, only lessons at this time.”

Customer: “Okay, I’m sorry. I’ll come back.”

(Even though this happens more than once, I don’t mind because he is usually quite polite. This changes when he shows up during lessons dressed to go into the pool, but leading a small child towards the lessons. I am very confused because I have checked and there are no new registrations, and he has come in almost twenty minutes past start time.)

Me: “Hi there, welcome to lessons. I’m sorry, I have to ask, did you register at the front? I can’t find a record.”

Customer: “Oh, no, not yet, but I am after a lesson.”

(We have rolling registration so this happens a lot.)

Me: “No problem. It’s just that we usually start at five and it’s encouraged that new swimmers come early so we can assess them. Luckily, my usual lesson hasn’t shown up, so I can take this guy and give him a quick one on one.”

Customer:*smiling* “Perfect.”

Me:*turns to kid* “Hi, buddy, how old are you?”

(The kid smiles but doesn’t respond, so the man answers this and the other questions. The kid has been in the water before but can’t swim on his own.)

Me: “All right, I’ll just get him started with some easy stuff. We end at 5:40 pm, so you can come and get him, then.”

Customer: “Great!”

(As I go to take the kid in the water, I realize the man is heading towards the hot tub.)

Me: “Oh, sir, sorry, the hot tub is closed to the public.”

Customer: “Yes, for kids.”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “And my kid is right there.”

Me: “No, you see, the reason we are closed is that there is only us watching the kids. We can’t be in the water teaching and guard the hot tub at the same time; it wouldn’t be safe. That’s why only those in lessons are in the water at this time.”

Customer: “So I can’t go in?”

Me: “Not now, sir, sorry. You can return at—“

Customer:*storms down the deck and grabs his child* “What is the point of keeping it f****** closed? If I bring a f****** child, I SHOULD GET THE HOT TUB!”

(He then stormed into the changing room with the child, and I radioed someone in charge to check up on the situation. To this day, I don’t know if that child was actually his kid or if he used that child for the sole purpose of a few minutes of hot tub time.)

(I’m a receptionist for a busy veterinarian office. We have a strict policy of not giving medical advice over the phone for the protection of the patients, as I am not a medical professional; I am a receptionist with zero medical training. A frantic woman calls.)

Caller: “What’s going to happen to me? I used my dog’s toothbrush!”

Me: “I don’t believe anything should happen to you, but if you’re worried, you should call your own doctor for advice.”

Caller: “But don’t you know?! You know about dogs; you should know what will happen to me!”

(Both my other phone lines are now ringing.)

Me: “I cannot give medical advice over the phone. Also, we are a veterinarian. If you need medical advice for people, you need to speak to a human doctor.”

Caller: “But don’t you know? You know about dogs.”

Me:*repeating myself* “I really cannot give medical advice for pets or humans. If you are worried, call your own doctor. Now, I need to answer some other calls.”

Caller: “Okay. I just don’t understand why you can’t tell me what will happen to me.”

(I had to hang up on the woman because she wouldn’t stop whining about it.)