Sidelines

Dubious art project of the week: For all those women who have so far avoided attracting an obsessive, malevolent weirdo, Battersea Arts Centre offers "the opportunity to hire your own stalker. A stalker would usually be issued with a restraining order," they note perceptively, "but the BAC turns harassment into theatre with We Follow You Home . . . [which] allows you to challenge a friend to catch out a stalker provided by the BAC". What a brilliant wheeze! Next week: hire a phone sex pest to brighten your best friend's day . . .

Phonetically unfortunate title of the week: The beautiful Beyoncé's new album, B'day. Really, did no one at her record company think this through?

For the woman who has everything: You know those frustrating hours spent worrying about what birthday gift to buy your best feminist friend (BFF)? She's already got her "This is what a feminist looks like" T-shirt, and - now you come to think about it - you just don't think she'd like the stalker they're hawking at the BAC . . . Well, suffer no more. An online company has started selling a natty new line in knickers, which feature "long luxuriant 'pubic hair' sewn into the front leg-elastic, for comic/political" purposes. For any woman who's been itching to protest about the rise of waxing but feels she's never been quite hirsute enough to make a real statement, this invention is surely a godsend.

Edifying fact of the week: Gloria Steinem and Jane Fonda have just started an all-female radio network in the US, set to challenge ultraright commentators such as Ann Coulter.

Disappointing fact of the week: In an interview about said radio network, Steinem admitted having had cosmetic surgery. Gloria! No! Say it ain't so . . .

Marketing no-brainer of the week: You're a company that wants to sell underwear. Many of your customers are men. Do you, a) start manufacturing an astonishing new range of "pubic hair" pants, b) film Kate Moss modelling your underwear, and then stripping off entirely? This was the recent dilemma facing Agent Provocateur. Frankly, I've encountered more challenging quizzes on GMTV . . .