If you’re anywhere around your 30s (like me), you’ve probably gifted approximately two million cast iron skillets in the last five years. But fear not! Allow me to introduce the revolutionary gift-giving idea that critics (read: newlyweds) are calling a “Smashing success”: fun and affordable food and booze gift subscriptions.

What’s better than a new set of bedsheets? Food! What’s more fun than a gift card to Bed Bath and Beyond? Booze! Twenty years from now Rocco and Piper are not going to know who got them that knife set, but they will remember who provided them with bacon for three months.

Below, five ideas for gifts for certain types of couples that are one million times better than a Dutch oven:

Are they human and do they have taste buds? Then they need bacon, because bacon lasts a lifetime.

Do the bride and groom love baked goods? Because the secret ingredient is love and baking takes patience, just like a relationship? Shower them in cookies.

Are they both kind of jerks, but you love them anyway? Tell them with their soul food: jerky.

Are they going to spend the next three months doing nothing but cheers-ing each other in a self-congratulatory sort of way? Nothing says “I support your decisions” like a monthly wine subscription.

Are they the healthy kind of people that wake up super early to exercise before work? Reward them with the gift that keeps on giving: coffee. Because they need it.