Wedding question....

My daughter is getting married in Sept and since we don't have a lot of time to prepare we are flying by the seat of our pants on preparations..My biggest goal is to get a location to hold the wedding and reception since we don't have a regular church. Here is my problem...we were unprepared for this ( i expected engagement, but not a wedding this fast) so financially no money saved...I have found a wonderful location in our hometown within my budget, but I had another one in a town 25 mi away. His family is about 20 mi away from us and closer to the other town. His parents have moved about an hour and 15 min away from his hometown. His mother is very sweet and I originally told her I was trying to find somewhere close so no one would have so far to drive . Most of his family is about 40 minutes away with the exception of his parents. When I told his mother that I was considering the one in our hometown ,because it would be easier on me with decorating, and we are doing our own food with help from my friends, she acted like she didn't like that idea because they were far away and it would be a pain when it came time for the wedding to help decorate, etc...Well, I feel like it is my daughter's wedding, I am paying for it and if we HAD had a church that we attended it would have been there anyway...I have family from farther away too, so I don't understand. I don't want to start this out being nasty or hateful and don't want to upset anyone...but isn't it really the brides' choice and how do i handle this without making anyone mad?

I would do what you feel is best for you.
Are the helping to foot the bill?
I have had 2 daughters weddings to plan.
One of my daughters in laws paid half of the wedding but it was always understood that it would be here. They lived an hour away. Enjoy the wedding!

~I think you may be taking her reaction too personally. Often a person's response has very little to do with you or the decision you made but is just their way of processing the new information. Unless she outright blamed you for deliberately making her life more difficult, I suggest you chalk it up to disappointment that she may not be able to help as much as she wanted.
It makes complete logical sense that the location is near you since you will be doing the majority of the work and traditionally, couples are married from the bride's hometown. Keep your explanations logical and detach emotion from them as much as possible. You aren't going to be able to fulfill everyone's preferences and trying to do so will make this nice event a nightmare for you.~

If they love you daughter, they will drive an hour or more for her special day. Have the wedding where ever the bride, groom and you want it. Ignore everyone else.

I got married in a place that was a 45 minute drive from where I lived, and at least that far for EVERYONE else. I had a lot of family that had to drive 4 hours. Some drove over 6 hours. They came because they loved me, and I never heard a single complaint.

We had family and friends fly in to my brother's wedding from several states away. She'll get over it, plow forward and enjoy!! Just focus on the preparations and if she brings it up again (which she might not even do, she might just have wanted to express herself) let her know that Sorry, it needed to be closer. You don't need to explain yourself, just say "Sorry, it needed to be closer to here."

I have a difference of opinion here. Ask your daughter to settle this issue. Its her wedding - both of you (the mothers) have had your own wedding. Let this one be hers including all the headaches, he said/she said, I paid = I get to decide stuff. This way the onus is on them, not you or future in laws and the two families don't start with a bad taste in their mouths.

As a parent, part of helping is to let your child experience (or suffer as some would call it) through the decisions one needs to make in life. They can ask for all the help/advice in the world but ultimately its up to the bride and groom. They need to be able to live with themselves as this is *their* wedding. People will remember them for it, not all the help from the parents, friends and family. {do the bride/groom see you as a the money or as a coordinator?}

Can you ask your daughter/soon to be SIL to do a conference type call or skype session or email detailing their wishes and allow them to assign duties and make the decisions? This way EVERYONE is on the same page and knows where they stand.

I also agree, an hour drive is nothing to squabble over. You're not going to be driving to the location daily. And the driving you are doing will be for a wonderful reason

Dh and I had a tiny wedding with 5 weeks to plan (conflicting work schedules) We had maybe 30 people..mostly family. Everyone had to travel....my family 5 hours, his family 8-13. His oldest sister drove 9 hours, with two toddlers, went to the wedding and drove home the next day, without complaint!!! It's once in a lifetime, they will adjust!!!

Why are people so petty? If they are invalids or had other issues...maybe, but really an hour isn't much to attend your child's wedding.....

I have a difference of opinion here. Ask your daughter to settle this issue. Its her wedding - both of you (the mothers) have had your own wedding. Let this one be hers including all the headaches, he said/she said, I paid = I get to decide stuff. This way the onus is on them, not you or future in laws and the two families don't start with a bad taste in their mouths.

I was going to suggest the same, what does your daughter want?

My wife and I got married a mile from where we lived. The closest anyone else lived was 20 minutes away, and both of our parents had to come from over 3 hours away. Both sets of parents came in the night before, and helped us decorate the day of.

I understand the other mother's point, and hope that it was just a casual mention, not a precursor to a hissy fit.

good ideas but I am sure there will be other issues as the wedding gets closer. It seems as those weddings bring out "stressful" moments and "stressful" feelings. Give it a few days for the bride to think about what she wants and what you want. It will all work out.

thanks so much, everyone!! My daughter would like it here in our hometown, just to make it easier on our family. I am a hairdresser and I will probably have to do at least both my daughters' hair as well as my own. My daughter has already talked to her fiancee and he said as long as it was a nice place he didn't care. He said since we were paying for it , it was our choice..I just didn't want to start things out on the wrong foot with his family because they are very nice and I don't have a good relationship with my inlaws and did NOT want her to have to start out badly...Thanks again for your help!!!

We got married in my hometown just down the street from the home that dh and I were living in. His family drove 6 hrs 1 way to come and they also brought all the food for the reception. I wouldnt worry about an hr drive at all!

I would definately have your daughter make some of the big decisions. Correct me if I am wrong but it sounded like it wasn't so much a travel issue for the wedding itself but more of a dissapointment in that your daughter's future MIL would like to be helpful in the wedding if she can and be something more than just a guest? If this is true and she isn't overbearing but just wants to be part of the decorating and little detail stuff and hustle and bussle that happens the couple of days preceding the wedding is there any harm in inviting her or both she and her husband to come and stay those couple of days if there is room somewhere? Sounds to me like she just would like to be as connected to her son's wedding as you to your daughters, kwim? If everyone gets along, then you have an extra set of hands and she gets to feel involved and your daughter gets a MIL who won't resent her and could be an good MIL for life.

My DS#1 and his wife were married last year and they got married at the location that her mother picked. I was not upset at all because this is what the bride wanted. I guess I looked at it as "it is not my wedding". Also, we had to drive 40 minutes to the location which is no biggie....and we even bought all the food for the reception that was also held at that same location. I guess it is just how each person views what their responsibility is at the wedding. I know the groom's family usually hosts the rehearsal dinner, but because the bride and groom decided not to have a rehearsal, we opted for handling the reception which worked out well. I hope that you can come together and work together for the bride and groom.