The 7 People You Will Meet Your Freshman Year

This is the kid whose wardrobe is comprised of a rotation of all of the free residential college gear he received, along with a pair of khaki cargo pants (the cleanliness of which is questionable). When you pass your residential college’s game-room on the way to the bathroom, no matter what time of day it is, he is invariably in there silently playing ping pong. When you go to the dining halls to eat alone, don’t panic, because this guy will happily sit with you. He will also be the first person whose number you awkwardly add to your phone. Say hello to four years of “What’s up?” texts!

The Princeton High School Dude

Aside from knowing 20 other incoming freshmen and about 60 upperclassmen, this kid will also be the one who already knows his way around campus. Does this kid want to go to the Bent Spoon with you?! No. He doesn’t. He lives like a minute away and he’s been there like four billion times.

The Guy from New York City

There is one fact that every non-New Yorker is sure of, and that is that everyone who is from New York City knows each other. If your cousin lives in the City, be sure to tell this guy your cousin’s name and where he lives, because this person will care very deeply. If ever caught between the spitfire of two New York City inhabitants on the Princeton campus, beware: you will be listening to several insufferable minutes of “oh my god do you know (insert Collegiate kid’s name here)?”

The Talkative Academic

This girl can’t stop talking about how interesting and stimulating her classes are. She likes reminding you that she is taking Swahili. Also, do you know the name of all of the books she had to read last night for HUM?! Well, now you do. Last heard saying: “oh my god I have so much work!”. Did I mention that she is taking Swahili? Because she is and she finds it really interesting.

The Sorority Slave

She hardly went out in high school, but this is her chance to grab the college social scene by the balls and show everyone how included she is capable of being. By the fourth day of freshman orientation, she has already established a strong network of semi-attractive girls, along with some uglier ones to make her seem charitable and look better by comparison. She isn’t really sure what she wants to major in, but she has already designed several versions of a neon green sports bra embellished with sequins and Greek letters. Last heard saying: “like, ohmigod, the Greeks have their own alphabet?!” Biggest secret: she is actually a classics major graduating summa cum laude and knows more about Greek history than you than you thought anybody would ever want to.

Your OA Trowel Buddy

This is the girl you seem to always run into in the dining hall when you wanted to just sit in silence and finish your assignment. She likes bringing up how gross GORP got, and how great it is not to have to trowel (even though its been like three months since the trip). Careful when you eat with her, because if you drop any food on the floor, she will scream “LNT!” and expect you to crack up. Failure to do so may result in a reminder of the meaning of the acronym.

The Athlete

This guy is the one who doesn’t bother wearing a shirt to go to the bathroom. Why, you ask? Was a shirt not readily available to him when leaving on his way to the bathroom? Was he studying shirtless? No one really knows. But men and women alike agree that this guy is profusely ripped (and proud of it). Is he just overcompensating for something? Could be. You never really learn this guy’s real name because everyone calls him “Pumble.” Is that a synthesis of the words “pummel” and “rumble”? You won’t ever know because asking that is socially reckless, you will probably lose all of your friends if you do, and there’s a decent chance he would pumble you.