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I have never knowingly spoken to a Scientologist,
or watched Going Clear, or thought
about the whole confusing enterprise for any meaningful length of time.

On the rare occasion that I am moved to look
into it further, it feels like I am reading a book that has been badly
translated from a language with a lot of culture-specific idioms.

I once lived in a house whose previous occupant
had been a Scientologist, and the postbox was always FULL of all kinds of
Scientology magazines and fliers and things.

They all had a very consistent sort of
airport-thriller aesthetic. Many pictures of tall boats and orange sunsets.

Many men with enormous pores dressed up like sea
captains.

As far as content went, the main theme seemed to
be how much different things cost.

This much for some Scientology DVDs, this much
for some other kinds of Scientology DVDs. This much for some Blu-Ray discs,
this much for some commemorative coasters.

The magazines and fliers were confusing, but not
in a way that made me want to find out anything more.

This
is how I always feel when people say things about Scientology, and I don’t know
whether this can be put down to the fact that yours is a highly secretive and
famously litigious organisation and there is a veil of profound mystery drawn
over all its affairs, or whether it is because it’s weird now in a way that is
actually not all that interesting and its sort of gauche and basic to even talk
about it.

I
suspect the latter, but I can’t be sure, because I can’t make myself think
about Scientology for long enough to draw any satisfactory conclusions.

Is
this where Scientology’s power lies? That the whole thing is so baffling and
tiresome that people just ignore its continuing existence in order to free up
their minds for more immediate and pressing concerns?

Well,
probably.

I
will say that I was sharply surprised and disappointed when I found out that
you were a Scientologist, which is strange, because I didn’t know I had any
feelings about you at all.

I
read with mild interest about your marriage to and subsequent divorce from
Agyness Deyn, because I feel very warmly towards Agyness Deyn, still, and wish
her all the best in her current and future endeavours.

I
have no strong feelings about you though, other than “oddly disappointed that
he is a Scientologist.”

Same
with Beck.

Definitely
not same with Bijou Philips or Elizabeth Moss: the news of their being
Scientologists did not surprise or disappoint me in the slightest.

What
does any of this mean.

What
is the point.

You
win this round, I guess.

Happy
Birthday.

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