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Thursday, March 1, 2012

All the Better to Skype You With My Dear...

January and February have come and gone and my blogging for the year has skyrocketed from one post, to what is now two posts. Amazing, really. That's a 100% increase. Anyway, since I don't even have the patience to recall the past five weeks, much less write about them, I'll just skip to what I'm thinking about right this second. That way I don't have to write that boring introductory paragraph. So anyway, I had a Skype "date" yesterday and its brought up a lot of potential issues in my head. I've been mulling over this for almost a whole day, and I've compiled a list of shortcomings in developing a relationship over Skype.

POTENTIAL PROBLEMS WITH MEETING SOMEONE ONLINE

Might really be spastic. You meet them in person thinking you just had bad internet connection, only to realize that they just move like that. Just a weird jerky-motion person.

Might have an oddly pitched voice. Technology these days lets you sound however you want to sound. Just listen to T-Pain, who consistently sounds like a confused robot. Your date could be using a voice synthesizer just to make them sound normal and be hiding it right outside the video frame!

Might have disproportional muscle development in their legs. No, I'm not talking about a handicap. I'm talking like they could be only lifting weights on only one leg like that guy in Lady in the Water with the one big arm. Not only is that a terrible movie, but you'd be going in circles with that guy...literally (ba-dum-cha...<-- drums).

Might have a cone shaped head extending backwards. You'd never know! Unless they accidentally turned sideways, of course.

Might smell weird. You could probably settle this one by just having a unbiased third party come into the frame and sniff the person. Watch the reaction carefully.

Might be reading cue cards. You only think they're not looking straight on because they're looking at the camera, but what if they're actually incredibly socially awkward and their buddies are giving them prompts. Not gonna work out so good on the first solo mission.

Might actually just have a pixelated face. No, it wasn't just the camera quality, thats just what their face looks like.

Based on my own experience with the Skype "date", there is one thing I would have done differently if I could go back...props. I was thinking props would be a good idea. Ex: here's my favorite (insert thing) or I just read this (insert book). It's not like you can do much but just sit there anyway. I believe my exact quote for describing my anticipation was, "I feel like I'm preparing for a computerized puppet show." But all my friends kept saying, "Kelsie, no props. That's weird." Wrong! What's weird is having to use assorted office supplies as your props because you didn't bring the good ones. Was he impressed by that binder clip? Probably not. Was I impressed by the Nike's he was wearing and managed to take off without leaning out of the frame? Yes, absolutely. Lesson here is...don't listen to your friends, do the weird thing.