Dear Amy: I am stressing over a holiday invitation for the husband of my deceased sister.

We lost our sister this year, and with the holidays approaching, I do not know how to handle the yearly invitation with a person nobody in the family likes.

We tolerated this guy because he was married to our sister. However, he is rude and manipulative and bad-mouths all of us constantly.

I know he is expecting to join all of us, and he even wants to invite a buddy.

What should I do? I know that the other family members are just being civil when he is around.

I am afraid that my yearly party will be very awkward at best. — Unappreciated In-law

Dear Unappreciated: You should include your brother-in-law this year.

Based on his behavior, however, you can then make a choice regarding future parties. If he asks to bring a buddy, you say, “I’m sorry, but we’re sticking to our original list this year and would rather you didn’t bring anyone.”

If he disregards this, take his behavior to mean that he isn’t interested in maintaining a respectful relationship.

This is bound to be a tough holiday. If you think your late sister would want you to tolerate some awkwardness, then that’s what you should try to do.

Dear Amy: I’m an amateur baker. I can make and decorate a beautiful wedding cake. I make only one version of this cake, but I can customize it with real or silk flowers. I’ve made quite a few of these cakes for friends over the years.

I tell people upfront I make only this particular cake, and I never charge for it. It is my gift.

My best friend’s oldest daughter is getting married. They are obviously assuming I will make the wedding cake. I told them that if they wanted anything other than the one cake I can make, they should go to a professional baker.

Last week my friend and her daughter brought me a picture of the cake they want. It is completely different from the one I can make.

I told her I didn’t think I could make the cake, and she got really mad. She hissed, “It can’t possibly be that hard. If you can make one cake, you can make another.”

I have been really stressed out about this. They have rented an expensive ballroom, and I know they want everything to be perfect.

My husband said it’s ridiculous for me to put in all that time and money only to have her daughter annoyed about the way her cake looks.

I don’t want to lose my friendship with my friend, but I’m so discouraged I don’t want to make cakes anymore.

What should I do? — Stressed Kentucky Baker

Dear Stressed: Your friend is behaving like a full- out Momzilla.

You have to be very firm, and you have to be very firm very soon. An uptight mother-of-the-bride is like a ticking bomb in a James Bond film. Don’t let this mom explode; innocent people could get hurt. You say, “I know for absolutely certain that I can’t make this cake for you. If I try it, it will be a disaster, and you don’t want that. You really need to go to a professional.”

Dear Amy: “Worried Mom” was worried about her 2- and 4-year-old kids being at grandma’s with an unfenced pool. Here’s a solution: Teach the kids to swim.

My son learned to swim in a matter of weeks at age 2. I still watched him like a hawk. Kids as young as 6 months have been able to accomplish basic water survival.

Maybe it’s not the entire solution, but it would give a safety net in the meantime. — Kevin

Dear Kevin: Very young children can learn to swim, but adults should never presume they can swim competently until much older.