Little Miley Cyrus is on the cover of the latest Cosmo, and she has some fucking things she would like to tell you about, man!!! Mainly she has some info on what it's like to take all the fucks in the world and throw them into the sea and then never think about giving any fucks ever again. (Except for the fucks she's saved up for punctuation purposes when she's talking about how fucked it is that people still hate gay guys.) Anyway, I like Miley because she seems aggressively bonkers in an unfiltered way that would probably be fun to run around with, like, one Friday a month. So read on, Miley fans!

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Cosmo: Unlike a lot of musicians, you celebrate your competition.

Miley: Katy Perry's been my friend for fucking five years, and I'm not ever gonna let our work get between that relationship. If Katy sticks with being Katy, and Ke$ha is Ke$ha, and Rihanna is Rihanna, and I'm me, there's room for everybody. The problem is when people look at Gaga and say, "Oh, that works; I'm going to be like that."

Cosmo: What are you listening to?

Miley: Frank Ocean's record is so good. And I like that he came out and admitted he was gay, because that still affects people's careers. If you don't think it does, it fucking does, and he did not care. I think it's going to make him even bigger.

Cosmo: Let's talk about Liam. Do you ever have these moments when you're still struck by how hot he is?
Miley: Yeah, all the time! I'll literally look at him and be like "You are hot, dear god!" The other day, I turned on the pool heater and it was steaming, and he walked outside and took off his clothes and jumped in the pool. I was like, "I'm gonna faint—the hottest guy of my life is in a steaming pool. This looks like a Playgirl shoot." So I took a photo and made it the background on my phone. My best friend grabbed my phone and was like, "Who's that? He is so hot!" That's my hubby!

Barabaraba Watlers is in the hospital with chicken pox. I want you guys to know that "Barabaraba Watlers" was a real typo, and I am not fixing it.

"You all know that she fell and cut her head 10 days ago and then was running a temperature," Goldberg said on the show.

"But it turns out it is all the result of a delayed childhood. Barbara has the chicken pox," Goldberg adding, saying Walters had never had the illness as a child.

Walters, 83, had been admitted to a Washington hospital during President Barack Obama's inauguration weekend after she fell and cut her head at the British ambassador's residence, her network ABC said.

Goldberg joked: "She's been told to rest, she's not allowed any visitors, and we're telling you, Barbara, no scratching."

Oh, and here's Bieber with his pants falling off because fashion. God, he seems like a douche. I can say that because he's an adult now. Also, fun fact: He has exactly the same probability of being allowed inside my vagina as an actual douche (that shit messes with your fauna, y'all!). [Yahoo]

Oh, and also he is real sad about Selena Gomez except I don't really beliebe him. [E!]

Channing Tatum is nervous about being a dad (awwwww), so he said this tooooootally embarrassing cornball actory thing: "That [will] be the biggest role of my life. I hope I don't screw that one up," he said." Horg blorg blorg blorg blorg glorg glorb!!! [ShowbizSpy]

Some lawyers are like "haha no" about the American Idol racial discrimination lawsuit. [ContactMusic]

Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom and That Baby went to the beach. [JustJared]

Harry Potter went on a date and Ron was just jealous because the only person he's ever snogged is Auntie Muriel. [E!]

Kris Humphries's family wants him to hurry up and get divorced already. America can relate. [ShowbizSpy]

Oops, I'm dead now because of this impromptu Alias cast reunion. Does anyone have a Rambaldi device so I can resurrect myself, or whatever the fuck that thing turned out to be for? [HuffPo]