Moving on after divorce

THE GOD SQUAD RABBI MARC GELLMAN & MONSIGNOR THOMAS HARTMAN

Q. My husband and the father of my seven children filed for divorce after 29 years of marriage. He met a widow and moved in with her a month later. My husband was an alcoholic and mean-spirited.

With this woman, he no longer drinks, is home every night and life is perfect. We never got that respect. He claims the change is because she's so good and we're so evil.

I was told I could get an annulment, but that would make me feel like I threw all those years out the door and make my kids feel unsubstantial.

I'll never stop loving my husband, but is God going to forgive everything he's done intentionally from the drinking, brutality and womanizing, and also this other woman?

Has going down the right path really gotten me nowhere? In the end, are my husband and his new companion going to end up in the same place because God is all forgiving?

I'm only in my mid-50s. Should I try to find a companion, or would it be wrong to look for happiness? -- S., via e-mail

A. Some people are good people but bad pickers; they're like you. You seem to be a good, kind and loving person who tried desperately to save her marriage. Unfortunately, you picked a bad man, or a man who had not yet grown up.

We see this all the time. People choose mates who come to the marriage with heavy baggage, and the picker thinks the baggage will all be blown away by the power of their love. This never happens, and we wouldn't bet the farm that your ex will remain the model husband he is now for very long.

Your other issue is that you're finally getting in touch with your anger at your husband, which you suppressed for all the years. This is a good thing, but you need to move on. Let God keep the sin scorecard.