If you are to be a wise Queen, you must understand one of the fundamental codes of reigning. You must accept the real and authentic you and all the beauty and power that comes with it. Authenticity, although an asset, is not easily won. Mines set to sabotage you from wholeness fill Life’s battle ground and there are times when you must fight for this elusive ally.

The best way to win this battle is to understand the power of self control and self acceptance. When you understand and embrace who you are, focus becomes an integral part of your landscape. It invites Authenticity to hold you in his arms and guide to you a place called Queendom. It then becomes easier to guard your borders and to “rule yourself” without excuse. And that my sister…is a great place to be!

REGISTER TODAY FOR THE CONDUCT OF QUEENS! If you’re ready to stand in the royal court, then join Dr. Gail Hayes for The Conduct of Queens on Saturday, April 9, 2016 from 10am – 130pm in Durham, NC.

The first code is understanding who you are and learning to accept that awesome woman called you. When you don’t accept who you are, that insecure behavior will show up in EVERYTHING else that you do. It will show up even if you try to control it. It will come out in your language; in your actions and even in your attitude. The harder you try, the more it will show up! It will spill over into every area of your life…without your permission!

If you’re not comfortable in your own skin, you will take your insecurity out on other Queens. And when you do, other Queens will see this as a declaration of war!!!

So, it’s time to discover your identity and embrace it! This is not a time for war unless you want to war against division. If you’re ready to stand in the royal court, then join Dr. Gail Hayes for The Conduct of Queens on Saturday, April 9, 2016 from 10am – 130pm in Durham, NC.

“Not everyone should be allowed to speak into your life. Ask to see a resume and get EVERYTHING in BLACK AND WHITE!” #Drgailhayesspeaks

There was time, not so long ago that I allowed others to define me. I had one person to tell me that I should wear my hair a certain way, and I did. She in turn, started wearing her hair in the very color that she advised me not to wear.

Still another person told me that I was not trying hard enough to change my life; that I was dragging my feet and making excuses. She had no idea how difficult it was for me having my children in my forties and feeling trapped in an unhappy marriage. I had lost my ability to run a business and create my personal economy. I had no money to leave where I was and certainly didn’t have the energy, at the time to try.

But soon all that changed. It changed when I decided to silence the voices of those who did not understand my journey. It changed when I decided that I would no longer allow others to define me. It changed when I decided to check the resume of those giving me instructions.

It took some effort but I soon heard transformation calling my name. I broke free and recognized that it was time to look in the mirror and tell myself a new story.

There’s a question that people ask when they want something authentic; “Can I get that in BLACK AND WHITE?” That means that they want the real thing. They want a done deal. So, from now on, when I give you something, it will be in BLACK AND WHITE. After all I’ve been through, I’ve now decided to put things in BLACK AND WHITE, don my crown and reign in my domain.

“Hand mirrors can be a girl’s best friend. They can also be used as weapons…when in the wrong hands. The trick is choose your own mirror in your own style and then to keep it close so that it doesn’t fall into those wrong hands.” Dr. G Speaks

Although I am the first born of seven children, served as the first African American female law enforcement officer and firefighter in a southern city, and even became the first African American Chair of a County Commission for women, I never saw myself as a leader. I didn’t trust the image I saw in my hand mirror. Although people called me for counsel and I was always asked to lead projects, I still did not see myself as a leader.

So many times, we behold ourselves in mirrors that others provide. We did not choose the style or the color. We did not choose the quality, nor did we choose the timing in which they held up the mirror. Hey, there are times when I just don’t want to look in the mirror because I’m not wearing my makeup.

I now know that it doesn’t matter what others say or how others see me. All that matters is that I have purchased my own mirror in my chosen color and style. It is just what I need and it reflects all that I am. It doesn’t lie. It doesn’t show a false reflection of who I am but it does show me the real me. And guess what?That works for me!

What about you? Are you ready to do some mirror time?

Holding your mirror while leading others and handling your business is hard work and you cannot do it alone. Remember, I’m here to help!

“They refuse to settle. They push, pull, and prod until you get the job done. They inspire, encourage, and motivate. These exceptional beings who can change the flow of any battle are called Leaders!” Dr. G Speaks

Have you seen someone who seems to hold it together when things fall apart? They take the hit. They hold their positions without flinching when negative forces confront them. They scale fear’s wall and cross the burning sands of opposition without hesitation. And as they move, they don’t mind helping others do the same because they refuse to settle for nothing less than excellence.

They possess a “steel will” to overcome obstacles and to follow through when others have given up or missed the mark. Their character leaves its imprint upon the hearts and minds of others. Countless want to follow them. Many call them courageous. Others call them focused. But all call them leaders.

Leading others and handling your business is hard work and you cannot do it alone. Remember, I’m here to help!

“Sometimes subtle changes can bring dramatic results. So instead of running, there are times when you can walk and still reach your destination.” Dr. G Speaks

Okay, it’s a new year and almost everyone has some resolutions, right? We’ve made plans to lose weight, break bad habits, change direction or try to do something new or different that we hope that will change our lives. But are we setting ourselves up for failure or is success just over the next horizon?

If you’re tired of making resolutions and setting goals only to be disappointed with your progress, I’ve got some news that may shake your world. I recently discovered something so simple that I hope it will bring you new vision in the new year. This may not be for everyone but if it works for you, take it and run with it!

Last year, I decided to cut down on my sugar intake. I am the first born of seven children and my family has a history of diabetes and heart disease. Two much younger brothers are on dialysis and my father died an early death as a dialysis patient. I didn’t want those maladies to live with me so I knew I had to make some major life changes.

I loved chocolate so I decided to limit my eating of chocolate. Notice, I did not say stop. Instead of eating my five mini chocolate bars each day, I only ate two. After a week, I ate only one. It was hard but within a two weeks, my desire subsided. At the end of a month, it was nearly gone. My size 12 (I was once in a 20W) began to fit again and my energy increased. I even started walking more regularly. The pain in my knees even disappeared!I still eat desserts but not in the same way. Instead of my desire managing me, I manage it.

So here’s my question, instead of making resolutions or setting goals, why don’t you try just making subtle changes? Instead of saying that you will lose the weight, try cutting down on sugar. Skip dessert for a week. If you’re able to make that subtle change, then you are not setting yourself up for the failure. If you stumble for one day, don’t beat yourself up and give up. Start again the next day. It’s like cutting your destination into bite size pieces that are more easily managed. And if you are consistent, you will lose weight.

It’s called developing a new process instead of setting goals. When many of us fail to reach our goals, we consider it failure. But if we focus on process (eliminating one dessert per day) that subtle change will garner results! So whatever you want to achieve in this new year, remember that it should become a part of your daily routine instead of the focal point of your life.

Remember…You are the ultimate artist of your life’s canvas. Others can only help you mix the colors you already have in your palette. Why not paint a new process instead of setting goals you may not achieve.

Making changes and handling your business is hard work and you cannot do it alone. Remember, I’m here to help!