The Non-Thinking Person’s 2012 Election Decision Tree

Okay. The elections are just under seven months away. The presidential combatants are *nearly* set – a foregone conclusion, barring a brokered Republican convention this summer that could turn the GOP on its establishment head. Nonetheless, unless you’ve been under a rock, in a cave, or occupying some city square somewhere, you don’t need me to tell you that the 2012 election season is well in hand – and not just on the national level, either.

But I’ll tell you anyway: the elections are coming!!!

Now, many of us have already decided how we will cast our votes this November. The libtards have had their marching orders since forever, which is basically vote for the guy who will give you the most stuff, and the most of other people’s money. It’s a genetic thing – they really can’t help themselves. When you’re humorless, hopeless and hapless, following simple instructions is about all the strain and stress their poor cerebral cortices can handle.

In fact, I came across their 2012 Voting Guide the other day, what I like to call The Non-Thinking Person’s 2012 Election Decision Tree:

Now, as you can see, following the chart is very easy to do. Short words, bold arrows and simple concepts. I’m surprised they didn’t include an “Am I straight?” question. Of course, once you think and apply some logic to the questions being asked, you can see how utterly inane this flowchart really is.

For instance, based on this chart, one can come to the conclusion that Michael Moore, a notable liberal filmmaker, is cash-strapped. And a Republican. Which are, of course, demonstrably false. Either that, or he is penisless, because we know he’s rich, and he’s rather white, and we know he pulls for the Democrats (that sounds bad, doesn’t it?). Same can be said for Alec Baldwin, Joe Biden, Bill Clinton, Al Gore, Warren Buffett, Bill Gates, the Kennedy guys, Matt Damon, Tom Hanks, Bruce Springsteen…the list goes on. All rich white guys who lean way left.

And women only vote Democrat? Again, demonstrably false. Now, there may be some liberal women who do have penises – not that I’m volunteering to check, mind you – as well as plenty of liberal guys who don’t – again, not gonna check – but to reduce one’s political affiliation to one’s plumbing is over-simplification. But hey – that’s par for the course with liberals. Because they are generally incapable of processing complex issues and coming to a well thought-out and reasoned conclusion. It is much easier to look inside their undies and check their wallets to determine how they should vote. Provided they even wear underwear.

And there aren’t any non-white Republicans? Marco Rubio, Justice Thomas, Alan West et al would certainly be surprised to learn that.

I know, I know. You’re thinking, “But LarryD, that chart is meant to show the thought process of how Republicans supposedly vote!” – but since the questions are short and stupid, and since the negative responses lead one to vote for Democrat, and since there are moon-sized holes in their poor use of logic, the joke ends up being on them. Which goes to show that a lot of liberal humor is stupid to begin with. In other words: epic fail.

Not to mention, the chart has “Projection!” written all over it.

For the flowchart to be more honest and representative of the differences – which means a liberal would never make it – I propose a new chart:

Notice the longer, multi-part questions, all of which include words containing more than two syllables. Right off the bat, you can see that most liberals would have difficulty with such a flow-chart. Because answering these questions requires using one’s brain, and not merely checking one’s genitalia. In other words, comprehensive understanding of one’s role in society, the role and function of government, the responsibility of the free press to report objectively, and the basic right to life of all persons – not just those outside the womb (and being born is no longer a guarantee of not getting killed off, sad to say) – ought to influence one’s vote. And not merely those things, but it’s a darn good start, and far better than centering on skin color, gender and bank account. The liberals who vote according to the first chart have abdicated their rights without even realizing it. They’ve sacrificed their freedoms because the candidates they vote for don’t want them to be free – they want them to evaluate their self-worth solely based on race, sex and level of wealth. They want their constituents focused on what divides them from other people. The candidates want them focused on those things so that they can be exploited – “War on Women”, for instance? Hello? Does any rational person out there truly buy that? Unfortunately, many liberals do. Because it doesn’t require them to think. It merely requires them to react.

Thus, liberal candidates do not want their constituents using reason, logic and common sense – because if they did so, most of their voting base would realize they’ve been tricked and fooled. That’s not to say the Republicans are as pure as the wind driven snow – not at all. To be more accurate, I ought to have changed “Republican” to “Conservative”. But be that as it may – the comparison still holds. It’s the questions being asked that are important, that ought to lead a thinking individual to the right decision. Questions that go way beyond “Do I have a penis?”

Because they’ll let you keep that – it’s your freedoms they’re after.

8 Responses to The Non-Thinking Person’s 2012 Election Decision Tree

I only possess 3 of the 4 characteristics. Yet, I want to have the mere chance of becoming rich via hard work and enterprise. That way I can afford Catholic schooling for my kids, give generously to pro-life causes, and perhaps serve as an example of how to live a full life. So there will be no democratic votes coming from me.

The ‘rat party chart is completely dishonest, diversionary and hateful.

They can’t campaign on his record of corruption and failure: jobs destroyed, shyrocketing food/fule price, the destruction of the wORLD’S FINEST HEALTH CARE SYSTEM, ETC.

The chart parrots the ‘rat big lies (lies are all Obama has) that the GOP is the home of anti-black racists, homophobes, male chauvinist pigs, and evil rich people that refuse to pay their fair share of taxes: they already pay 98% of the personal income taxes.

Amerika ist kaput if 51% of the electorate is so vile, stupid and dependent as to fall for such asinine lies.

Actually, I think a better revision of the chart would have many reasons/decisions to vote Republican , with a Democratic vote as a hopelessly deranged last resort. If you are pro-life then vote Republican; if you understand the Constitution then vote Republican, etc.

The penis part threw me initially, but I saw the il-logical process of the voters guide.

Jesus kept it simple, he used parables. The popular parable of; ” you can give a man fish to eat for a day, or teach a man to fish who can then eat for lifetime” has some roots in the gospel, vaguely, but has more political relevance.
If you’re a Democrat you take the fish, could care less about learning to fish and keep coming back for another fish, that doesn’t belong to you. Isn’t that what the 6th commandment meant by coveting thy neighbors goods, that political leaders ignore? (The wife coveting most of us remember). He then criticizes the fisherman, who also has to feed his own family, complaining that its not enough. In other words, a Democrat votes for the guy that promises you free fish, stolen from hard working fishermen, lets diagram that…