All Time

Sunday, April 24, 2016

Game of Thrones (HBO): Season 6/Episode 1

6.1The Red Woman

Jon Snow’s friends want revenge, but Ser Davos counsels them against doing anything rash. Sansa and Theon cross a frozen river to escape Ramsay’s hounds, but are still caught anyway. Theon prepares to sacrifice his life, when Brienne and Podrick arrive just in time to rescue them. She once again offers her services, and Sansa accepts it wholeheartedly this time around. Cersei rushes to meet Jaime and Myrcella, but her glee quickly turns into grief as she learns about her daughter’s fate. In Dorne, Ellaria launches another coup and assassinates Doran while the Sand Snakes murder Trystane. In Meereen, Tyrion and Varys wander about town thinking how they can fix such a mess. Ser Jorah and Daario find Daenerys’ ring. She has been taken to Khal Moro and is saved after dropping Khal Drogo’s name. They tell her that the place for a Khal’s widow is with the other widows at Vaes Dothrak. Back in Castle Black, Melisandre takes off her clothes, and then her choker, revealing a really old woman underneath it all.

Melisandre looks at herself in the mirror. Melisandre takes off her clothes. Melisandre removes her ruby choker. Melisan— ZOMFG SHE’S AN OLD HAG! But should we be surprised? She gave birth to a shadow monster once. Like, doh? So she’s been hiding her real age all this time, but then again that’s what women always do. Right? I wonder who her surgeon is. He be, like, okay look at this magazine and tell me who you want to be. She be, like, hmmm... Britney Spears... Too 1999. ScarJo... Too Marvel. Hmm, this Carice Van Houten Dutch redhead model is hot. Let’s go with this one. Sad news: Trystella is officially over now, unless they come back as White Walkers and continue their teenybopper love story with Taylor Swift singing the OST. I’m now shipping Varys and Tyrion. Tyrys? Varion? This episode is more of a breather more than anything else. Less than ten people died. They already did a good job trimming down the names on the payroll in last season’s final episode. So yeah, breathe, guys. I bet there are more deaths lined up later on.

“Fuck prophecy. Fuck fate. Fuck everyone who isn’t us. We’re the only ones who matter, the only ones in this world. And everything they’ve taken from us, we’ll take it back and more.”–Jaime Lannister