After Beyonce was photographed hanging out with Kim Kardashian at a "Watch the Throne" concert in Birmingham, UK over the weekend, throngs of fans took to Twitter to express their outrage. "Beyoncé and Kim Kardashian in the same picture let alone the same sentence is tragic," said one. "if your role model is Kim Kardashian, I can't take you seriously, Beyoncé is a way better role model. She's respectful of herself," said another. The vitriol makes perfect sense, explains an "insider"—it's because Beyonce is a virginal downy lamb and Kim is a big, skanky, whorey, slut-whore: "Beyoncé has an air of class and sophistication to her, while Kim is famous because of a sex tape and a failed marriage." Whatever you say, dicks. In related news, Beyonce wrote an encouraging letter to a blind person. (It is well known that Kim Kardashian scorns and fears the blind.) [Radar] [TheGrio]

Today in I can't stop jumping up and down, Regis Philbin is in talks to join Kathie Lee on the Today Show if Hoda goes off to replace Ann Curry!!!!! First of all, this would obviously be the best thing ever and I would quit my job and watch it every day. Second of all, REGIS PHILBIN IS 80 YEARS OLD. HE IS PART OF GENERATION A. WHY DOES HE STILL WANT A JOB. (Now if only there were a way to reach through the cold, impenetrable shroud of death and orchestrate a Jim J. and Tammy Faye reunion. Alas.) [Radar]

On the third anniversary of Michael Jackson's death, the Jackson family did some grieving on Twitter. Daughter Paris wrote: "RIP Michael Jackson. Dad you will be forever in my heart. I love you." There were similar sentiments from LaToya ("Sad morning all. This day was the day that lead to the demise of my little brother. 'Michael We Love' May you RIP. Gone FAR To Soon.") and Randy ("3 yrs ago on this June 25th, my brother passed"). Condolences to all. [Radar]

Investigators have finally solved the murder of Dylan McDermott's mother, who was mysteriously shot when McDermott (now 50) was only five years old. Police have determined that the 45-year-old crime was committed by her boyfriend at the time. "I'd like to thank everyone for their amazing support today. It means so much to me," he tweeted today. In I-hope-not-too-tastelessly-unrelated news, I've never understood why Dylan McDermott isn't a bigger star. That dude is mega-handsome. [Radar]

In perhaps her most shocking scandal yet, Lindsay Lohan was caught working on the set of Liz & Dick. [CaughtOnSet]

Aubrey O'Day gets a note from her doctor certifying that she has "mental problems," so that she can sit with her "Emotional Support Animals" in first class. Click through and look at the fucking picture. [TMZ]

"Tori Spelling dresses her pet chicken in a poncho," is an actual e-mail I received today, from a publicist who is really good at getting me to read e-mails. [Lucky]

In case you were desperately searching for a reason to never hang out with Paris Hilton—first of all, you are terrible at searching. And second of all, here you go: apparently she's a DJ now. [Extra]

Tyler Perry reveals that he pity-hired Bobbi Kristina at her mother's funeral ("I wanted to give her a job because I know how tough it is to grieve"), but announces that she's "shockingly good." Good work, TP. Nothing soothes a broken heart like a backhanded compliment from an opportunistic smug-monster. [Extra]

Jennifer Lopez, vacationing in Rio with her "boy-toy," would like you to please check out her "caliente curves." [Radar]

Megan Fox is pregnant in a bikini and she loves BAG sooooooo much and that makes me love her kind of a little bit. [PopSugar]

Kelsey Grammer lost $1 million in a Ponzi scheme. Here's my question about Ponzi schemes: if something looks like a Ponzi scheme, has it ever not been a Ponzi scheme??? Stop losing all your money in Ponzi schemes! Are you new? (Alternatively, here's my scheme: You give me $1 million, and I will immediately give you $500,000 back. That makes me $500,000 more profitable than a Ponzi scheme! Do it! Doooooo iiiiit.) [E!]

Ryan O'Neal would like to remind you that Farrah Fawcett died, because she got totally ripped off by Michael Jackson. (TMZ would like to remind you how Farrah Fawcett died, because they're TMZ.) [TMZ]

Zooey Deschanel is dating screenwriter Jamie Linden, who is, according to a source, "into her." He also wrote We Are Marshall, which is a comedy about a horrifically tragic plane crash, directed by McG. [HuffPo]

Here are some pictures of young Angelina Jolie looking hella like regular Angelina Jolie, only younger (I'm not a doctor, but I'm 99% sure that's how age works). [DailyMail]

Duuuuuuude, I have never cared about any entertainment news story less than this thing about Christie Brinkley's divorce. [Yahoo!]