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Okay so I donít know whatís wrong with me. I means I do but then again i dont. It feels like I canít trust anyone and I donít want to tbh. So Idek why Iím posting this maybe I want my feelings to feel valid like maybe someone else gets it. I feel overly sensitive bc in college I had the most female friends Iíve ever had in life. I went to an all girls high school and was a loner. College I decided to give females a shot. When I met the girls there were already red flags I decided to ignore which I have a habit of doing. I have a habit of seeing the best Ik ppl even when itís not there. And to make a long story short a lot of the girls took my kindness for weakness and when I wld confront them or speak up they were shocked bc they thought I was an imbecile or something. They tried to jump me they set me up to be sexually assaulted basically and just too much. I was always a loner in grade and high school. I thought college wld be different. Also I was always bullied by other girls in school and I had no idea you cld be an adult and get bullied. Anyways fast forward to 2018 I went through the darkest depression and I isolated myself from my whole college. And ended up leaving the school. Then the crazy part is my oldest sister whoís ten years older than me turned out to be a narcissistic sociopath. Who basically love bombed me into staying with her only to beat me up with her words and use me for her own monetary benefit. Smh. I have a best friend but itís like I have trust issues and Iím withdrawing from her. It seems so petty to be mad but I kind of feel like she isnít really a great friend like she says bc she never visited me at her college but I visited her. And then I spent ton of money on her for her birthdays but I didnít get anything and I know you shldnt give to get back but I do value reciprocation! I like to get back the same I put in. Itís like when she was lonely and hurting thatís when she needed me but now that she has a car and a great job she doesnít need me anymore. And honestly I donít have the energy for this anymore. I donít have the energy to make friendships work. Bc no matter if you tell someone youíre wounded they donít gaf theyíre only looking for what they can get out of you. I donít think everyone is like this I just donít have the energy to wear my heart on my sleeve and let ppl in and then theyhurte so badly again. I do believe I have trust issues but I really donít want friends anymore. Iím fine being alone. Sometimes I get those days I wish I cld have a good friendship but then I donít care anymore.

. And honestly I donít have the energy for this anymore. I donít have the energy to make friendships work. Bc no matter if you tell someone youíre wounded they donít gaf theyíre only looking for what they can get out of you.

I feel the same. I can't decide if people that don't feel this way actually do have good friends OR are just very forgiving.

My boss is an extrovert and I said to him the other day that if Hitler walked into room my boss would say he was a "good guy". He said no but I think it is true. He just doesn't seem to have the capacity that I do to be able to hold grudges or to really recognize when someone has been using him. Consequently it seems he is beloved.... but widely used. But he doesn't care about that.

I wonder sometimes if this is the key... just making myself less able to notice when people are not my friend and not caring about them using me.. but, I can't. I am just "smarter" than most people and I can see these things.

I want friends, I really do. And I am a good friend. But I cannot tolerate people using me or betraying me or liking other people better than me. So I would rather be alone. No matter what trials that makes for me.

It's tough going through life without friends. At the same time bad friends aren't worth it either. Maybe give your not so good friend space for a while but keep yourself open to new friends. There are good people out there willing to share. Here's to hope.

I feel the same. I can't decide if people that don't feel this way actually do have good friends OR are just very forgiving.

My boss is an extrovert and I said to him the other day that if Hitler walked into room my boss would say he was a "good guy". He said no but I think it is true. He just doesn't seem to have the capacity that I do to be able to hold grudges or to really recognize when someone has been using him. Consequently it seems he is beloved.... but widely used. But he doesn't care about that.

I wonder sometimes if this is the key... just making myself less able to notice when people are not my friend and not caring about them using me.. but, I can't. I am just "smarter" than most people and I can see these things.

I want friends, I really do. And I am a good friend. But I cannot tolerate people using me or betraying me or liking other people better than me. So I would rather be alone. No matter what trials that makes for me.

People who are easy to be taken advantage of often put out a vibe of being such a person. It could be body language, it could be the way you speak about yourself or something else. But it puts out a signal to users that lets them know 'hey, come take advantage'.

Like many things, moderation is the key. Finding the best in people is a wonderful trait, actually, but that doesn't mean it's wise to let it run rampant. Balancing it with learning how to spot red flags, and also acting on them, can eliminate a lot of problems.

Everyone can be subject to getting taken advantage of so don't forget that.

The books Boundaries and Toxic People by Townsend/Cloud may help you.
There are good people out there, you simply need to learn to be more discerning. I often end up going long periods of time with no friends since i try to be pickier about who i let in. I do get lonely, and sometimes i still make a bad choice, but i'm also not taken advantage of frequently and i'm still able to make friends.

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I can never be all that you want from meAnd I am broken, I will fail you constantly