Nifty News

Faithful Followers

Thursday, September 6, 2007

I was cleaning my sons' room while conversing with a gentleman on the phone. I can never just talk to someone on the phone. No, I have to sweep the floor, clean the toilet, wash dishes, or fold laundry while chatting. I'm not sure why this is. I think that moms are just such resourceful multi-taskers that we simply don't know any other way. We can check homework, chop vegetables for dinner, feed the baby, and listen to our child tell us, in great detail, what they had for lunch at school. We can fold laundry, quiz our child on their spelling words, tie shoes, wipe runny noses, sew a button on a shirt, and drive to the store at the same time. See a man do that! Actually, you'll never see a man do that. They can't. Truly, it's not that they're stupid or lazy. They simply cannot do more than one thing at a time. It's physically impossible. Their minds are very "one track". I can't send my husband to the store to buy more than two items because he WILL forget at least one of those items. If I tell him, "Get a package of size 3 diapers, some bananas, and a gallon of milk," he'll inevitably come home with 3 packages of diapers in all different sizes, and a banana cream pie.

Anyway, I digress. As I was saying, I was on the phone talking to a gentleman, a businessman in the corporate world who was kind enough to call me between a luncheon with a client and a business meeting in order to give me some advice on my new found popularity. As I'm talking to him (and of course, picking up toys in the boys' room) I saw, to my horror, a piece of some sort of food-type object. I really wasn't sure what it was at first. I thought maybe it was a Tootsie Roll. Nah, it wasn't quite the right color. The thought occurred to me that perhaps it wasn't really food! Oh no, please don't let it be.... Whew! It wasn't anything that belonged in a toilet thankfully. Upon closer inspection, I realized it was a chunk of a hotdog. A piece of a petrified hotdog. You could easily see that it had been in the boys' room since sometime around the Mesozoic era.

In the middle of my phone call with this important gentleman, I shriek, "It's a hotdog! I just found a petrified hotdog in my boys' room!" I'm pretty sure the man with whom I was conversing, thinks I have brain damage.

This is not the first time I've found food in the kids' rooms. In fact, earlier this week, while tucking my 3 year old in bed, I found half a hotdog bun under his bunk.

"Why do you have a nasty, old bun under your bed?"

"I don't know."

"Remember when I talked to you about bringing any kind of food into your room? You can't take food in your room. It belongs in the kitchen only."

"I know, you said if I put food in my room, ants and bugs and mice will come in my room."

"That's right! You do remember. So why did you put this bun in your room?"

"Because you said that ants and mice will come in my room!" he reiterates.

It hits me now that my little speech about visiting critters didn't deter him from bringing food into his room. No, quite the contrary, he was now sneaking food under his bed in an effort to attract critters! It simply amazes me how their minds work some times.

Anyway, I took a picture of this fossilized hotdog, however while I was at the school's open house this evening, my oldest son used my camera to make a stop motion film and apparently deleted the hotdog picture from my memory card. Oh well. I do have this picture though...

Remember the bar of soap with the teeth marks from last week? It underwent a metamorphosis of sorts. It will truly be a miracle if my kids ever get in the shower and just wash themselves instead of eating the soap, sculpting the soap, or just squishing the soap down the drain.

Wow, I get to make your first comment of the day! I just received a forward from my Mom of your eBay auction of the Pokemon cards. I have four kids (ages almost 2 - 8 years) so she thought I'd appreciate it. I more than appreciated it, I laughed til I cried and then Googled you to find out more! I had been hoping to be touted as the next Erma Bombeck myself, but I'm glad to see that honor going to you! You are such a witty lady, I love your writing, and I believe that you deserve whatever good comes out of this adventure! May God bless you and your family! And I laughed hardest at your varied reactions to the questions "Are they all yours?" and "You've got your hands full!" Even with *only* four I hear these comments EVERY time I go out!!!

With my admiration and deep appreciation,

Christy, mother of

Emma, Atticus, Aramis & Eragon (literary names - I noticed the pattern of city/borough names right away, having established a name pattern myself and felt obligated to see it through to its conclusion!)

ROFLMBO!! Oh, I love your blog. I've read for a while, but this is the first time I've commented!! I can so totally relate to the "What the HECK is this?" food-object-under-the-bed quiz!!!! LOL Too hilarious that he did it on purpose!! LOL Only boys!!! (of which I only have 1!)

LOL......food in the boys bedroom!! This I can relate to. I have 3 kids......(Grown and out of the house now, Thank You God) I boiled eggs for Easter.....1 1/2 dozen........6 eggs per kid and hid them in the back yard. Counted the eggs after they were done.........1 was missing.... Months later, a horrid smell in the boys room... "CLEAN YOUR ROOM, IT STINKS" I did find the missing egg!! LOLOLOL

Hi there I just got sent your ebay auction through a friend and I have to say I am also a mum of six and when I find some time I will be reading the rest of your blog it looks like a great read.I love your humour.Cheers Kath

Yup, it's just one of those things: men can't multi-task. We talk about this often at work, since the girls always wind up manning the grill side of the kitchen, and the guys always do the pizza side. Pizza requires more upper body strength for rolling out dough all day long, and that's pretty much all you do: just make pizza after pizza after pizza. But grill requires so much multi-tasking it's not even funny.

I remember sculpting the soap when I was a kid. I never understood why it made my mom so mad. Now I do.

All I can say is, "Ditto!" I LOVE your style. I'm a mom of 5 and I swear you are my soul-twin! I don't even NEED to see a pic of the petrified hotdog, cuz I've got them in my own boys room! :o) (My smiley faces have to have the cute round nose on them.) I've read some of the 1000's+ of comments you've received and I'm just like everyone else who's suddenly a huge fan of yours. I know you've got a million compliments, but I have to add mine...Can one ever get too many??!! I know there's no way you'll have time to read every single comment, but still, I wanted to let you know I'm waiting for your book! Adventures in Mommyhood! I totally identify and can hardly wait!Isn't it amazing how many "kindred spirits" there are out there?

Just stumbled over your blog. I gather you have recently become a celebrity! Good job! Love your postings. Can relate to quite a bit - although I only have two monkeys to deal with.Thanks for the laughs.Heidi

Hi Dawn!Since I found your ebay auction I am an avid reader of your blog. I subscribed to it so I won't miss anything from you, you are just a brilliant writer! Forget all the people who make stupid comments about not having children, why do they read (and even take the time to comment!) your blog if they don't like children??? I only have two (4 y.o. boy and 3 m.o. girl) but we want to have at least one more :-) My house isn't clean all the time with two children and a big dog, but www.flylady.org has helped me tremendously - try it out, it's free and Flylady is amazing! All the best to you and your family and take some time for yourself to rest!LoveChristina from Germany

funny about your name patterns and that other lady Christy , i too have a name pattern the girls are Liberty , Joy and Hope and the boys are Peyton , Paxton and Pierce. love the hot dog talk , i found half a petrified pack in my playroom the other day! ewww! and my husband has to pace the floor back and forth and around when he is on the phone. and he can't even hold the baby while he does it. while i lug the baby, do the dishes and give baths and make appointments all in one phone call!

that is nothing, my brother when at the age of 14 was found to have 4 slices of pizza, crisps, chips and chocolates under his bed along with a family of 200 ants, my mom was not pleased as the room had to be fumagated.you do such a funny take on itkaraxx

I am so with you on the phone thing. I have been caught out a few times cleaning the toilet and then flushing it and having to frantically point out to the person I am talking to that I was not actually USING it, just FLUSHING it cause I had been CLEANING it. And you can hear them thinking 'Yeah Right!' loud and clear.

On the odd occasion that I watch tv with the family I need to be doing SOMETHING else as well. Such a waste of valuable time to just sit. My hubby cant understand and always says "Can't you just sit?".

"Umm No, I am woman."

Love your blog,Caroline.

Mum to Darcy (girl), Jordan (girl) and Jesse (boy). I had my own name pattern - unisex names to save having to think of 2 names before each child was born.

My son loved his deserts, but he wasn't allowed a desert unless he ate all his dinner. Being a mum not unlike yourself 'multi tasking' often when he was eating his dinner I wwould be rushing around hoovering, folding washing of somesort and not quite keeping a full eye on him eating.

He would proudly every day show me his lovely clean plate, so would get a desert.

One day I was in the utility room loading the washing machine, when I caught of whiff of something that I can only describe as the smell of rotting corpses. After sniffing around for a while I realised it was coming from under the sink.

Big total wuss that i am and thinking i might have a dead animal in there, I donned rubber gloves and grabbed a big wooden spoon lol

I open the cupboard but couldnt see anything except the big pile of plastic carriers I had under there, stored from when I went grocery shopping. Images rushed through my mind of a little mouse trundling on in there to get warm, only to suffocate to death lol. So I started to poke around, then I spotted something hairy and squealed like a big girl lol. Pulling it out, loads of the other bags came tumbling out after it, with its own little army of furry things attached.

Thinking I'd been invaded by plastic loving mice, I screamed my head of.

Trying to be brave I started to peel back each bag to see what was really in them.

What I discovered was, that my little boy had been scraping jis dinners into the bags them burying them for prosperity under the cupboard lol, the fur was numerous types of mould!

I don't know. Could be worse. Just be glad they didn't take something wet and mushy in there that would develop mold as it ages. Hotdogs have so many preservatives in them, they probably don't even interest the critters!

omg. I never thought the "Food=critters in the room" speech would be taken as a How-To guide. I think I should go over it with The Minion again...maybe say food in the room will attract icky girls or something.

Peanut butter is a staple in our home that my husband of all people can not live without. One day there was no pb to be found and I knew that I had just bought some the other day. So, off I go to the store to buy more so my husband doesn't semi-combust from lack of this disgusting food. Anyway, days later as I was cleaning my daughters room, much to my surprise I found the missing pb under her bed along with two more jars, a butter knife and crackers. Lovely. How small critters do not live in my home I have no idea...I guess I should thank our cats.

Great blog!! I love your story about the hotdog and especially about the bun. That sounds like something my 3 year old would do. He loves to play with any bug and I have to be careful about which one he is touching.

Anyway, you have a wonderful blog! I am happy for you and the little (not sure if that is the right word)bit of fame you are having to manage along with 6 children. Makes me tired just thinking about it.

So funny. I can't "just talk" on the phone either! But beyond that list of things you do, I also "put things away". Life would be so much easier if I could put them away where they belonged, but no, that would be too easy. I end up stashing things in the stupidist places! Then when I get off the phone I can't find stuff. sigh. And if I don't work, or stash, I walk around the house. I might just be the only person who can wear herself out on the phone! :-) It's good I have a cordless or I'd strangle myself in the cord. lol!

Men can't multi task because they were bred to be hunters. They need to focus entirely on one task. Women were bred to be protectors/providers/everything and had to keep their its about them to ensure the survival of the human race. Sad that evolution can't change this within our lifetime, LOL!

I have 4 kids ages 14-4 and my house is nuts most of the time. I love the pictures you post. My two oldest and I sit and read you site in the evenings...they love it too. My 14 year old daughter complains about her 4 year old little sister alot and now she sees that it's perfectly normal when my 4 year old empties an entire box of tissues all over the place or paints herself blue with fingerpaint. I have pictures of that one! Anyway, thanks so much for the humor your site adds to my day! It's a very welcome distraction. BTW, you're right on about the men and their one track minds!!Keep up the great writing.

Don't you just love boys. I have said the same exact thing to my ds about bugs and ants in his room, it has never worked. My favorite is to get the kids to make their bed I tell them that if they don't make their bed during the day all the ants will see it so messy that they will want to live in it. This just gave my son a reason to come to bed with us. He came running to our room screaming, "Mom there are ants in my bed!" Of course me being the loving and concerned mother ran to tear apart his bed to see. Of course there was no ants. When I pointed this fact out to him, he said that I told him that if he didn't make his bed there would be ants. I told him yes this is why we make our beds every day. To which he replied I knew that if I had ants in my bed you would let me sleep with you. Great. So than I had to use a different way of making his bed.

Do you think that the kids will start to increase the ante on the shenanigans? You know ... with the pretext of providing you fodder for your blog/book. Tell your son you just found out the boogieman has been spotted looking for food in kids rooms and if he doesn't have food to attract him he won't visit the room. Yes, i believe fear and deception works best when trying to obtain the most optimal results .... that is until the start realizing you are full of cr@p and look at you with skeptisism ... ahh but what a ride while it lasts! MWUAHAHAHA!

At least the hot dog was only petrified and it wasn't growing...fuzzy food found in a bedroom is never good! LoL

Have a great day!!

P.S. At least your kids are touching the soap...I think my younger brothers just get in, get wet and get out and think that they're clean. Nevermind the icky eau de stinky pre-adolescent boy emanating from them!

Lol, This is too funny. Want to know whta my now 13 year old daughter used to do?? She would hide food under the kitchen sink!! Now, we didnt store a thing under the kitchen sink so there was absolutly NO reason for me to look under there. Can you imagine the ymmuy looking food I found when I noticed a strange smell coming from under there?? The best part is that my other daughter who is 3 years older than her KNEW she was doing it and never told me!!!!! What are they thinking?? I know what she was thinming, that she could use that little piece of info against her sister if she ever needed too! Let me tell you with 4 kids, I know how you feel. As they get older you wait to hear all the stories for the things you didn't know were going on! Have a good one.

I am with you on the petrified hot dog in your son's room. Now, I do believe it is a "boy thing", and I have found may "science projects" in my boys room, which really wouldn't bother me, if they just told me!!

Thank you for my morning laugh. I also talk constantly to my kids about food only in the kitchen. But I still find food and wrappers everywhere. Maybe they are trying to attract mice and other critters. Never thought of it like that. Love the picture of the soap. I often wonder what the heck my kids do in the shower, they certainly are not bathing!

I just have to say (like every other person on your site!) that you make me smile! I am also a stay at home mom of six and moments of smiling are sometimes few and far between! Thank you for taking the time to do this just so all of us can have a giggle to start our days!

I love your blog and your auction post. Thanks for making my Friday much brighter than normal. I also want to thank you for upping my admiration for stay at home moms everywhere.

I only have two sons, which is certainly enough, but I work outside the home just for my sanity. I have always been awed by what other women can do when they stay home with the kids (feed them, clothe them, maybe even wash a dish, all without screaming or choking the children). Now that has gone up ten-fold after reading your auction post and blog.

DO you really have time to read all these comments??? I don't see how, but I would like to say I thorougly enjoy reading your blog, have ever since I was forwarded your Ebay listing....now reading your blog is the first thing I do when I get to work every morning! My kids are older (15&18), I only having two I didn't go through quite as much as you are, but I just wanted to say good luck in your new found fame and I look forward to reading your stories in your book!!!

I run my business out of my house, and I can't tell you how many times I've had to muffle the sound of a toilet flushing, dryer running, kid screaming, etc from the other poor soul on the other end of the line. Most are understanding, but sometimes, that "corporate world" doesn't get that moms to 100 things at a time.I look forward to your blog daily! Keep it up!

I have 4 boys and 2 girls with the oldest being 12 (turning 13 in Dec) and the youngest being 4. I love your stories!!! I can so relate to them!! I almost fell off my chair laughing when I read about finding hot dog buns under the bed, we just found some pizza, and a hamburger bun under my 4 year olds bed!!! I have always thought it was pretty interesting what they do to the soap too, after going through several bars a week, I switched them to body wash. That seems to have helped. My friend forwarded me your ebay ad for the pokemon cards, she knows my most dreaded task is taking them all grocery shopping too! It's amazing how much more it costs if they are with you, let alone the fact that it is one of the most stressful things in my life. I know the dread you feel as you look in the fridge and know you can't avoid groceries any longer. I love your stories and congrats on your new found fame!!! Life with 6 kids is NEVER boring!!!

OK, LAUGHING AGAIN!!! You should make a TV show about your life. No, seriously!! You would get great reviews.

I've found all sorts of "food items" in my kids room. Unsuspecting I must say. And I find the older they get, the bigger the petrified food is. Thank goodness it was not something that belonged in the toilet!! ~SMILES~

I have not yet seen a bar of soap that has turned round. This is something new to me, gotta laugh!!

I just wanted to say I totally feel your pain on the food under the bed... recently I found cheetos, cookies and dog treats under my sons bed. I asked who had hid them under there and my son told me.. The cheeto's belonged to him, the cookies were his sisters and the puppy likes to hide things.

I so wish men could multi - task, then I could take a nap when my hubby is home and not worry about cleaning toilet water up in the bathroom when I awake... LoLLove your blog.

Oh - my goodness! That is ME telling my kids to get their food out of the room! I have used the same reason about ants and ALSO because they will inevitably spill or drop whatever they are carrying in their hands. It's a guaranteed fact that it will end up on the floor or the bed. Thanks for your post - as always!

I am glad to see that your husband will, too, shop for the wrong stuff. I have a zillion boxes of full-price cereal to thank my husband for. As for soap? I'm equally as glad to hear that there are other children in this universe that require questioning as to whether they actually washed or not. I sometimes sabotage the soap to see if they are lying.

Hi Dawn,Speaking of petrified, have you ever run across petrified string cheese? It is hard as a rock! You could use it for a hammer!!! It took me a few minutes to even realize what it was when I found it!

As for bugs/critters - I do hope that the boys have a liking for them - as I specialize in bugs/critters in my business! so if you ever want to bring bugs/critters into their room - but not in a bad way, you could decorate with them!!! www.bugfabric.com

I was talking to a group of mom's at school yesterday - sharing that I start each day with your blog - and one other mom said she does too! Small world!!! Keep it up - you are so gifted.

Too funny that you talk about women being the only sex able to successfully pull off multi-tasking. I always tease my husband because he can't talk on the phone and do something else. Anything else. He has to pace and talk, or be still and talk. He cannot talk and take out the trash, or talk and flip through the channels on TV, or talk and screw in a lightbulb. I think multi-tasking should be an Olympic sport!

lol!!! Your bar of soap cracked me up! When my 4 year old was done in the shower last night our bar looked exactly the same! And what did he say about it? "I wanted to see if it would squish mom." Well....ok then. lol

Yes can totally relate to the husband thing. Mine won't even order a pizza!!!!!!!!! Too much to think about thin, thick, cheese or sausage ohhh my gosh!!!!!..and my 5yr daughter loves to hide starburst wrappers in her bed...thank god I can still climb into her bunk bed....LOLMom of 3 in Illinois............

I have become a reader of your blog. I can whole heartedly relate. I am the mother of 4 "wonderful children" 2/2. They are a joy, a headache, and everything in between. ranging in ages from almost 2 to almost 11. I look forward to reading your blog,it gives me comfort knowing that I am not the only mother out there with kids that have minds of their own!God Bless

LOL!!! My mom showed me your ebay description of the Pokemon cards, and I nearly cried, I was laughing so hard!! You have a great sense of humor, and I like how you can make even the most frustrating situations funny.

I am an older sister of one sibling, both of us are semi good girls, so I can't empathize with you all the way, but I still think you're hilarious!

it's my first time commenting- just have to say thanks, thanks, thanks!thanks for putting things in perspective for me. i'm a stay at home mom (of only ONE very intense 3 yr old). thanks to you, i'm learning not to sweat the small stuff. i love your sense of humor. so thanks from one mom to another :)

ps- you must not have a dog (i can't blame you) but our dog is the instant vacuum! no hot dogs in the bedroom for us. just a lot of brown dog hair!!

But I think you made a little over-generalization. Some men can multi-task, just because yours doesn't doesn't mean some of us don't do it pretty well. Do we do it as well as women? Probably not, just ask another one ;-)

The bit with the Mesozoic hotdog and meant-to-entice-critters bun reminded me of a story my mother tells about cleaning <ahem> my room when I was … oh, about three.

While doing whatever it is moms feel compelled to do in their kids' bedrooms, she found half a glass of very old milk tucked away somewhere. (Yes, the no food outside the kitchen rule was already in place.) After sufficiently suppressing her natural gag reflex to be able to confront me about it, she started to remove the glass and its semi-curdled contents — one assumes for disposal.

When I saw what she was doing I said, "Hey, don't take that! It's not solid yet." Science experiments from three year olds are not uncommon, I guess. :)

(I won't mention the World's Prettiest Easter Egg™ she discovered in the back of the bottom drawer of the chest-of-drawers … in July.)

Love you stuff, Dawn! Writing and family. Thanks for sharing. Again. And again.

Well I was HOPING to get my comment on here before there were 5 million...I caught it at only 8 this morning!! I just wanted to say thank you for your posts and THANK YOU for letting people know that moms of a lot of kids shouldn't be gawked at like they just don't know how to use birth control! lol Keep telling those people out there that having your hands full is the most wonderful thing! Thanks again!

Still cracking up about your quote in the Chicago "I would rather swin throught the English channel with bait on my body than go to the store with five kids." Ha, just stummbled to your blog, thanks for making mothering the real honest to God fun that it is. Your awesome!

The men and multi task thing? I remember one day asking my husband the simplest of questions THREE times, only to be totally ignored,I just couldn't believe his absolute lack of manners and demanded to know why he felt it was alright to treat me so rudely. His reply " I couldn't answer you, I was buttoning Seth's coat." Honestly....he could not do buttons and answer my question. I feel your pain is all I am saying.

Love your blog! Hope you don't mind but I added you to my blogroll, you are awesome! Just waiting to see you on GMA...way to go! http://lesliesblog.eddienalexa.comyour writing is very fun to read, keep it up. I'll be buying your book when it's ready!

haha oh yes, the joys of food in the bedroom! my mom found a container of unrecognizable stuff under one of my brothers beds when he was about 3. she asked him what it was and he said "tuna fish." when asked why he had it there and where he got it he said, "mom, it was in the refrigerator, and i knew we would have ot eat it again the next day and i hate tuna fish, so i hid it." smart kid! only now, the tuna was sooooo old the container had to be thrown out with it. lol

under the bed has also been home to many apple cores and orange and banana peels....

and, the same child did not like beef or potatoes. mom was cleaning a little ledge under the edge of the kitchen table one day and found dried up roast and potatoes. he'd been sticking anything he didn't want to eat there. now, with 9 other people at the table i don't know how we missed him sneaking the food off his plate and hiding it, but we did!

oh yes, and soap?! another one of my brothers would talk back to my mom and she'd threaten to wash his mouth out with soap. well, one day he wouldn't quit so she went to get the soap and he says, "oh that's ok mom, i like that soap, i brush my teeth with it every night!" :-O this was home made lye soap!!! so, i think she pulled out the palmolive the next time around!

I haven't had time to read the comments about your new-found popularity, Dawn. But I just wanted to say thank you for your wonderful writings. Someone has said this before me, I'm sure!, but you're the Gen Xers (and later but I'm not sure what they call themselves now) answer to Erma Bombeck! I do hope you will write a book with all your pearls of wisdom, insights, and inspirations. Love you!

Hi Dawn, Off topic but kinda funny. When I first saw your blog address, the first thing that came to mind was, wow.. this lady drinks a 6 pack of beer a night. After further investigation I came to the realization that you have 6 kids and that's the reference in your blog title....or is it?

Can definitely relate to lots today! Even when I give my husband a list, he still comes back with the wrong items...it's a macho thing "i don't NEED a list" he says. Experience proves otherwise.The worst is finding sippie cups of spoiled milk in my daughter's room. Yuck!!! thanks for the laughs--terri

I just wanted to take the time to thank you for bringing joy and laughter into our world, for a brief moment, you make me forget all the awful things that are happening in the world today. You have been blessed with the art of writing, and I look forward to reading each new story. Thank you!! Have a fabulous day!! :)

You are just the world's best mom. If only everyone's mom was like you the world would be a better place. Seriously.

Here's an idea: take all the artifacts you find in your kids' room (the mummified hotdogs, the tooth-marked soaps, etc.), mount them on something and put them on Ebay with a handwritten note of authenticity.

I bet a lot of people would be glad to buy a genuine Dawn Meeghan souvenir. I know I would! :)

You know, I think we found out how to deter our eight year old from bringing food into her room. I helped her clean it top to bottom a week ago. Put all the toys in the toy box, threw out all the garbage and unsalvageable clothes, put laundry in the hamper, removed the milk-encrusted tv stand (She and her sister share a room and have a vcr tv, NO cable in their room) and then she had a scream fest. Under the tv stand WAS about half a dozen carpet beetles. She was disgusted and I explained that's what happens when you have food in your room.

I first read your Pokimon (or how ever its spelled) blog. Thanks to my aunt for reading it and forwarding it on. I loved it. Went on to reading more and more. I think i read all of your blogs in just one day, your life is FULL of adventures... After reading the 3rd or 4th blog...I asked myself.. where does this woman live? If its around here (SF Bay Area)I need to find her and ask her if she needs another couple of hands to help.(heads up...they only become more of a handful when they get older...good luck!)

Laughing my head off here - first because I just posted about a multi-tasking mishap in my own home this week, with slightly painful consequences; and second because this IS life with my 2nd - the hot dog, the deleted picture and the soap all rolled into one kid! It's a good thing he's the brown-eyed cutie I always prayed for, it's saved his cute little hiney on more than one occasion!!!!

I could almost assume you were at my house as well. I have four boys aged 9, 7,4, 1 yr 5 months. They are all the time sneaking things in their room and my room. I find their food stashes under my bed and in the clothes baskets that have been waiting weeks to be folded and put away. ( You know, Oh there's that shirt I accused my husband of pitching out.)

I know it takes time to sit down and write this out, but I hope it does you good to get these things out and not just take up your time, which is such a precious commodity when you have children, any number of them. Please don't ever feel bad about not making a posting. You owe us nothing. We are blessed by what you offer, but you are not obligated at all. Thanks for all that you do. Melissa

OMG....Have you seen what MUSTARD does to the walls? My 9 and 12 year old thought that it would be cool to squirt mustard at each other. Then it would be even funnier to wake up the 16 year old sister and 14 year old brother with the shinny new Saxophone!

I read your blog daily and have a good laugh. It truly makes me realize what a Saint my mother was (May she rest in peace!)I was one of 17 children - can you imagine the stories she could, and did, tell about raising all of us?We were single births and protestants - I was raised in the East and my dad said the 17 of us were the result of the long cold winters!Keep up with your writing and enjoy all the funny, and weird, things that your children do. They truly are a blessing.

Been there...when we moved recently I found several food science experiments under my son's bed. It was scary.

Once when I was pregnant I accidentally left chicken leftovers in a crockpot for several days (What? It was a white sauce dish and the crock pot was white and we left it on the counter...I didn't notice til I had to use it again!). When I finally opened it it MOVED. Like a real living organism moves.

My son used to sneak and pee behind his chest of drawers. I don't know why, because he and his brother had their own bathroom attached to their bedroom. That was an awful smell when I finally pulled the chest away from the wall. He didn't have an explanation, just thought it was neat to do. I had to get the carpet replaced!

What a great find!! I'm sure it resembled the half a bologna sandwich I found last summer in my daughters room... she decided she didnt like bologna (good girl) and snuck her sandwich up to her room and hid it under Barbies Mansion. You have to love treasures!

I read ALL of your blog entries yesterday!! I started reading the e-bay auction and got so engrossed that I ignored all of the other things I should have been doing to read your entire blog. Congrats on your success! I first read about you in the Chicago Tribune article.

I can relate to both the "men can't multitask" and "food in the bedroom" comments. My husband and I were recently out for the evening while our 12 year-old son and 10-year old daughter were at home. I called to check in and my son said everything is fine except there was a mouse in his sister's room but they had trapped it under a shoebox. When we got home, we (I should say "I"--I, not my husband, am pest control in our home) tried to get the mouse out of her room. Naturally, it escaped from the box and all four of us jumped on my daughter's twin bed, screaming! Only later, after we took EVERYTHING (except the bed and dresser) out of her room, did I find both the mouse (cowering in her closet under the mound of junk) and the stash of Rice Krispie Treats, candy bar wrappers, and other junk food in a box under her bed.

I NEVER send my husband to the store without a list. Never. Even if it is only 2 things. I made that mistake more than once and learned my lesson. This is a man with a doctorate degree. He is another one who could not do ANYTHING else while he is on the phone. And he always asks me why I can't just sit and watch TV with him, while I am folding his underwear and t-shirts and sewing a button on his shirt. Ha!

Thanks for the great writing and the laughs. I wish you continued success!

You're so funny, first time reading your blog. I need lessons because I only have 3 kids so far and I can NEVER even manage to have a phone conversation unless I try to hide in the bathroom (even that doesn't always work!). I unfortunately did find petrified dog (I think) poop under my sons bed once so a hotdog doesn't seem so bad!

i always do half a dozen things while on the phone and my husband is sure that the reason that i don't get more done in the day is because i am on the phone--but that's only because he has to sit down to talk on the phone or risk tripping and breaking a leg! men are uni-taskers, which is great for lots of things but not for motherhood!thanks for keeping us all laughing about raising kids. there is so much value in being a mom who stays at home and raises her own children and society forgets that a lot. good luck with your book/movie/sit com deals (i heard that tidbit this morning on npr and thought, "i know dawn! i read her blog every day!"--cool.)

OMG....you rock girl!! I ONLY have 3 kids but can soooo relate. We went on vacation not too long ago and came home to a house full of fruit flies...we researched on line trying to find a way to rid our home of these pests...we built make shift funnels over vinegar trying to trap these things but they just continued to multiply. One week later I was looking under my bed for something and found a bag of liquified carrots...yes, liquified...with millions of fruitflies. Found out that my son had left it there when my 3 kids were playing hide and seek. Carrot juice anyone? Keep the stories coming girl you give us all some much needed comic relief!

I adore you. I have tears in eyes, laughing over today's blog entry. The banana cream pie line really got me. And you're right about men. They cannot multitask to save their lives. Whenever I leave my husband in charge of the children by himself, I come home to a house that looks like it was hit by a bomb. I guess as long as everyone is alive and in one piece, then he thinks he did a good job. They can't stop to load the dishwasher once in a while? Sheesh!

so, when i was a kid, mom wouldn't let me up from the table until i'd eaten all of my hot dog. of course, the minute she and my sister left the room to take out the trash, i promptly jumped up and hid the hot dog under the couch. seemed as good a place as any.

a few weeks later, i remembered that i'd done that and went to check on the hot dog. it was nowhere to be found.

mom swears she never saw it, sis didnt either. i think it was the 'critters'....carried that sucker right off.

Not sure if I should be offended as a stay at home father. I find that multi taking is something best left for computers. As for getting things done around the house while caring for the needs of my family. Ya I can do both, and both at the same time. I catch a lot of crud for staying at home and caring for my family while my wife goes to work every day. ok rant over. I do however enjoy your adventures in parenthood.

I've found petrified *sippy cups* in my kids' rooms before - so I understand where you're coming from (and I have 1/2 the children).By the way, I was on the way home from preschool dropoff this morning and they talked about YOU on NPR Morning Edition! I howled, "I read her blog ALL THE TIME! Yay, Dawn!!!"

Love your blog and have shared it with many already. You put a smile on my face and laughter in my heart. Thanks!! As far as the petrified hotdog... at least you were able to determine what it was. LOL!

I would love to get inside a little ones mind. The more you talk to them the easier they are to understand. Not always but sometimes.

When my daughter was just five, a classmate of hers was building a second house of stone in Mexico. Suddenly everywhere I looked there were rocks and more rocks of all sizes. When she opened her last present and Santa had not given rocks (which I was told he would bring if we were naughty) she cried a little bit. Very unlike her. She then questioned how would we build our own home without rocks. She wanted to build me a home because we were just renting a tiny room getting off welfare. See how full of logic that is in a tiny mind.

When she was about seven she lost a tooth. After several evenings of trying to find it under her pillow to exchange it for a coin treasure she could wake up to in the morning, I questioned her without giving anything away. Well it turns out she wanted to save it until Christmas, many months away so the Toothfairy could meet Santa Clause because she thought they could be friends. WOW. That had never occurred to me. She is now grown up juggling a busy 3 year old daughter and a set of 4 week old twin daughters. Talk about MULTI-TASKING. Thank you so much for your Blog. We love it.

I just received an email with your Ebay auction. You really should write a book. You are so much funnier then Erma Bombeck. I loved her writings. If you ever find time to write a book, I would certainly buy a copy and I am sure there would be thousands of people out there that feel the same as I do. Your auction note is certainly moving around the web at a very fast pace. You are one talented woman with a great sense of humor. :-) Keep up the GREAT WORK

tapping foot anxiously (but not in a in a men's room at the Minn/St. Paul airport sort of way) hurry up and write a book! I'll take a number and stand in line at borders on Michigan Ave to get my signed copy!!!

I have to laugh with you on this one. Last week I found a piece of fossilized piece of hot dog in the corner of the kitchen (under the vertical blinds). And if it helps your case any, you can tell your son that they DO attract bugs. Specifically, teeny tiny almost invisible, completely blends in with wood floors and Corian countertops ANTS. And it's really quite remarkable what teeny tiny almost invisible ants can do to a fossilized piece of hot dog. (If you're wondering, the end product resembles a fine-textured sponge.) I wasn't able to tell whether the ants were after the "meat" or the "by-products" I didn't have the stomach to investigate any further!

Ok I didn't think I would ever comment on here just read with laughter but I just have to. First, I am from Homer Glen (by Orland Park and Lockport) so hello from the S. suburbs! Anyways..I love your blog. I like to read it in the evening becuase after I have had a "my husband drives me crazy" and "I am going to kill my child (not literally) day" I get the gut barrel laugh that helps me release it all. That ball of soap says so much! Thank you to you!

As I sit here reading your blog, I am laughing my head off, and everyone is looking at me and asking what it so funny, I explained to all the non-Moms (my kids and hubby) that they wouldn't understand it is a MOM-thing and that it is simply LIFE that I am laughing at. Thanks for brightening my day and making me realize that there are other people out there that have the same kind of experiences that I do.

I have fallen victim to the petrified hot dog more than once. Scary, yet funny. I have also located a sweaty piece of cheese log- you know the ones that come individually wrapped- not so appetizing in that state....

Your hotdog post has me rolling on the floor laughing with tears streaming down my face. Why you ask....because I have found one of those in my boys room also! The sad part is it's 1:20 in the morning, I've woken my husband, and my daughter and they both now think I've finally flipped and am completely insane. The laugh however was much needed and worth it. Thanks and keep on blogging!

Got a link to your Ebay Pokemon auction and laughed like crazy!! Oh, ya, been there, done that, petrified hot dog, peanut butter under the bed, etc. But, all is not lost, remember, some day they will all likely have children of their own. One of life's ineffable pleasures is when your grown children call you to complain about THEIR kids. And you have to cover the mouthpiece of the phone so they don't hear you snorting and laughing.

If you don't get a book/tv series/$$$$ out of your wonderful sense of humor, there is something wrong with the world.

I laughed out loud while reading this post. I have a 3 year and I can relate with a lot of the stuff you say. For instance I went last night to start a load of laundry and what did I find at the bottom of the washer???? A petrified string cheese! I haven't done laundry in about a week and a half, (I guess with only 1 child I can get away with that.) I laughed so hard and my husband couldn't figure out why, so I made him go back and read your blog. I am a fan. Keep up the good work.