JOHN PIPER: Gentlemen, we have to find and rescue the youth pastors. Otherwise we’ll be seeing youth groups led by 38-year-old moms and dads who use AOL and want to do skits to Big House.

FRANKLIN GRAHAM: I saved a Chilean orphanage once with dirty CIA opium money.

*****

SUSPICIOUS WAREHOUSE

(sign on front door: YOUTH PASTOR PAINTBALL RETREAT)

The Exegeticals are searching the warehouse. There are no paintball guns, and there are no youth pastors, but there are clues: here, a stray sandal. There, a pair of sunglasses dangling from the back of a chair. A cloud of cologne hangs heavy in the air. The youth pastors were here.

FRANKLIN GRAHAM: GALL DANG it smells like a singles ministry mixer with no chicks.

The Exegeticals walk around the Newsboys and surround Trump and Crouch.

DONALD TRUMP: (smirking)

MARK DRISCOLL: WHAT’S SO FUNNY

DONALD TRUMP: You might stop us, but you won’t stop my boss

A hush falls over the warehouse. Even the Newsboys grow quiet. The Exegeticals turn to one another, confused. Who was pulling the strings? Who was behind this operation?

(door opens)

BILL GAITHER: Hello, boys

JOHN PIPER: (shocked) YOU are behind this? Why?

BILL GAITHER: (calmly) It’s about the Dove Awards, John. You of all people should know that.

MARK DRISCOLL: (under his breath) Bro why are you even wearing a pink shirt

JOHN PIPER: (angrily, to Gaither) You would subvert the Gospel for your own means? WHAT IS THIS?

BILL GAITHER: (reaching inside his coat) This…is…A HOMECOMING

With that, Gaither drops a smoke bomb on the warehouse floor. Billowing white clouds fill the air. After a few moments the smoke drifts away and the Exegeticals find themselves standing all alone. Trump, Crouch, The Newsboys, and Gaither have all disappeared.