(Closed) A little hurt

I have lots of friends who I have lost touch with over the years. It’s primarily because I am awful keeping in touch with them. We all used to be really close, but in the last couple of years we’ve all gotten busy. I decided to go out on a limb and invite some of them that are local to the wedding. I wrote them on fbook asking for addresses and said “I know we have lost touch and please don’t feel obligated in any way, but I am getting married on x date and I would love to send you an invite.” Well none have even replied with their addresses. I was a bridesmaid in one of their weddings years ago and I spent a small fortune flying out to her wedding, buying a dress, etc. I know that they have been on facebook because I see their updated status messages. It just hurts really badly.

@peachacid: yes. I said that “I knew we had lost touch, but I would love to invite them. They shouldn’t feel obligated, but I need their addresses so I can send an invite.” It just sucks because I feel like I went out on a limb and I am being ignored. Not sure why I am taking it so personally

How long ago did you send the messages? I know that when I check facebook on my phone, I don’t get my messages. Also, some people never check their notifications. Like ever. Is there another way you could contact them?

It could be that they saw the message and just haven’t had a chance to reply yet– I know for me, I check my FB all the time on my phone– but typing anything other than a quick status update takes forever so I’ll often leave messages and things until later… and I often forget about them…

@KCKnd2: call them now? Won’t that seem stalkerish? I don’t want to bully them into coming or make it awkward? Shouldn’t I take their lack of a facebook response as an indicationt that they don’t want to attend? I don’t know- I’m asking honestly. I don’t want to seem desperate or creepy

I would be a little hurt too. However, playing devils advocate here, they could be a little weirded out that you even want to invite them? You said that you are terrible at keeping in touch with people, and that probably hurt them that you never tried to maintain a friendship and years later are reaching out to them. Either way, it sucks to lose a friendship.

@Bostongrl25: Yeah. this is what I was worried about. I also don’t want to feel like they are being asked for a gift or anything. Ya know? I just wanted to include them. I guess I’ve lost more friendships than I realized. 🙁

A phone call is personal, shows you took the time to think about them and dedicate your attention 100% to them for at least a few minutes, and shows that you made more than the minimum of effort to contact them.

Online, people are often doing a million things at once. They may have seen your message but, as PP’s mentioned, they may have been in a hurry, been doing other things, gotten distracted, etc. – which is understandable because your wedding is extremely important to you, but extremely peripheral to them, especially if you’ve lost touch. If you go to the trouble of making a phone call, even if you just leave a voice mail, at least it shows that they, individually, matter enough to you that you are seeking them out because you want to include them. I wouldn’t worry about it seeming stalkerish. Just be light and friendly on the phone and don’t grunt and breathe heavily into it when you’re speaking.