Men & Body Odor

Men have the capacity to smell awful. I know this because last week I inadvertently stepped into somebody's "stink" zone. The smell was so foul, so overpowering that I actually gagged. After recoiling from the odor, I was left to wonder how anybody could smell so terrible and not know, or smell so terrible and not care.

To satisfy my own revulsion (and commitment to the male cause), I decided to make my opinion known in a strongly worded letter. But about halfway through, it dawned on me that I knew nothing of the malodorous gentleman I was writing to, apart from what he smelled like.

Without a name, an address, or any other identifying information, I couldn't actually send it. The only thing left to do was finish it and post it on AskMen, thereby exposing this mysterious stinker to certain ridicule and scorn. Needless to say, I'm not expecting a response.

letter to the stench

Dude,

You stink. This probably seems like an affront, but consider it an appeal. You see, the other day I had the misfortune of smelling you up close and I must say, I didn't like what I inhaled. I would have told you in person, but I was afraid that another whiff might cause me to pass out. What are you doing? Are you showering in your own feces, or just not showering at all?

Apart from sight, smell is the most suggestive of all the senses. Yours suggests that you are dirty, that you abhor personal hygiene. Are you comfortable with that impression?

This can't be the first time you've heard this. I'm sure you've been stinking it up for quite a while. You know how when you are exposed to a certain odor for a prolonged period of time, you become desensitized to it? Yeah, well that rule doesn't apply to you. I don't know how you do it, but you make each breath as revolting as the next. Quite a feat.

How does your body odor resonate with the ladies? Are they down with your brute stench? If you make it past the courtship phase without suffocating her with your underarm smegma, does she stick around for intercourse? If so, disregard my entire diatribe because you obviously know what you're doing. But if her hightailing it out of your personal space as you start to peel off layers of clothing is more the status quo, I implore you to read on.