WASILLA, AK – Records and eyewitnesses have come to light that prior to announcing her candidacy for the Vice Presidency; Sarah Palin shot a Bigfoot from a helicopter.

A government helicopter was seen flying low over the Chugach National Park with what witnesses described as “a sexy librarian shooting out the side.” Employees at a local bait shop report seeing a similar woman only hours before carrying an infant in a camouflage Baby Bjorn.

I was as happy as Joe Biden at a Hair Club for Men conference to see Sarah Palin crush Joe Biden in the VP debate last week. Sarah had me at “Hey, can I call you Joe?” It didn’t help that Joe-Tox had a look of surprise frozen on his face from the Botox and his recent eyelift.

UPDATE: At a pivotal moment in the nation’s history, America’s newest Deputy Treasury Secretary, Bat Boy, was nowhere to be found. This revelation sent shockwaves through the market and Washington D.C. on Monday.

Where was Bat Boy? He had scurried off to see his favorite band, Vampire Weekend, play a secret show in Brooklyn on Saturday night. He watched and devoured mosquitoes while the nation burned.

These drawings were found left behind on Palin’s debate notes last night showing both her belief in what should be taught in schools but also her view on the natural evolution of woman. The images show Palin evolving from Christian obedience, gunslinging hunter, patriotic beauty queen, and expectant wife to Governor Mother.