Coping With Life As A Working Mom

When I write this post I am only referring to the Indian working mother. In this country a working woman has to manage her home and her office with efficiency. She really has no choice but to manage both or she is bound to be on a guilt trip.

Once upon a time, ummmm, really this is an apt start ‘ONCE UPON A TIME’ it was the man who was the provider in the family and the woman the homemaker. Times have changed and women too. We see large numbers of women in the work force firstly due to economic necessity and secondly because they have discovered that there exists something called ‘the world’ outside of their kitchen.

Unfortunately as in the case of every social change, there is a lag between actions and attitudes. People are finally accepting the idea of a career woman. There seems to be no objection to availing of their talents and abilities outside the home. What doesn’t change is the fact that they are not to be excused from their duties as wives and mothers. In India things are a step worse with duties as a daughter in law too.

She once told me that when she fell sick her husband gave her so many pills that in one hour she was back on her feet doing what she had to do. Periods? What periods? Rest? What rest?

Somehow I feel a lot of working mothers will identify with this. Give and take here and there if the economic situation is good. Being a working mother is not an easy job. Some women excel at it and some don’t have a choice. No matter what the situation the glue that holds it all together is family support.

Ideally a working mother should only return to work when her baby is at least one year old to avoid separation anxiety. For women who have no choice, it all depends on the amount of maternity leave they can get.Often working mothers give in to their childs demands because they feel guilty about leaving the child to pursue a career or work to make ends meet. They often think that this absence can be compensated by giving their children material things and money. What a child needs is warmth and emotional security. They know that too but cannot provide it all the time.

They know that when their children are left in the care of nannies and baby sitter only the child’s basic needs can be met. Care takers cannot be responsible for the child’s intellectual, social and emotional development. Their next worry is if their children are being beaten, if they are fed, if they are dealt with hygenically or worst of all if they are being molested in anyway. This is the worst thought a mother can have and it eats them up every single day. Guilt often times turns into anxiousness and doesn’t benefit anyone. It hampers the mothers performance both at work and at home.

The best thing for a woman to do is to work part-time or get a job that has flexi-hours or to work freelance. However not everyone is that fortunate. I want to tell you right here and right now to stop feeling guilty.

Tips For Working Women/Mother:-

Understand the Reasons You Work. Once you are confident that you are doing what you need to do, then simply let go of the guilt. Trust yourself and the choices you’ve made for your family.

Stay Away From People Who Make You Feel Guilty. Leave the room when people pass snide remarks. They are not worth it. You know why you do what you do!

Try to make some alone time with your kids. Surprise your child by picking him/her up up early from the baby sitter for a meal outside. Devote a day during the week or month to spend just being a mom with your child.

Remember That All Moms Have Challenges. Stay-at-home moms can have as much stress as working parents, if not more, depending on the age, temperament and number of kids.

As a working mom, you will not witness every single minute of your childs day. You can’t have it all. Accept it and get over it. You are working to provide for the child.

Life Changes. Who knows what the future holds. The choices you’ve made about work may one day change. Keep your mind open to the possibility that your personal and family dynamics may shift.

Comments

i so relate to this.. except the days r longer.. only now its a lil mellow.. i used to wake up at 5.30 cook for every1.. pack my husbands tiffin n leave home by 7 to my mom’s place.. leave my son n go to work by 9.. come back by 6.30.. my husband wud come n pick me by 8.30 to 9.. n we wud go home (considering the road used to b full of traffic) cook dinner.. n my husband wudn slp til 12 coz he keeps readin.. n we’d slp… oof!!!! it s def the toughest job!!!

seriously! one of my aunt left her job because she was fed up of all the work but then later on when kids grew up and needed her less she wished to get back to the job again but it was too late then.She advised all of us to stay put and if this time passes then we will come out as winners 🙂

Anyways you are young and tough time of yours is almost over Sallu..no sleepless night anymore for you 🙂

Oh dear I can really relate to this..I am having such a tough time considering going back to work not to mention I have to take care of an extended family as well tat just refuses to lift a finger at home…They eat biscuits and leave the wrappers on the sofa so you can imagine…and of course leaving the baby in a daycare is going to be such a challenge