The Padawan is now a Jedi

As you guys may recall, I have a Padawan. The Padawan is a young lady in college who reads the blogs. She emailed me for advice and admitting to hating watch guys run game on girls. I told her that’s not uncommon for women to dislike it and she hits me with this-

“No, I hate watching guys run game on girls because they never run it on me, and It makes me feel ugly.”

Cue the sound of my heart shattering. You HAVE to respect such raw honesty. I told myself I was going to help this young lady be more visible on men’s radar. I asked her to send me a picture so I could see what I was dealing with. The Padawan had a TON of potential, but….she wasn’t utilizing the weaponry God had given her. I asked her, “Ok sweetie, I’m a man….what’s the first thing I notice when I see you.” Well, she does read the blogs she answered immediately, “Face, hair, boobs, and butt.” See, she IS a smart girl. So I told her she needed to accentuate those 4 things. I sent her pic to 5 of the ladies I talk with for them to give her tips on improving her outer appearance. I went to work on her inner game. This started back in December of last year.

Over the next few weeks I’d chat with the Padawan on gchat and give her advice. Eventually, I heard from her less and less. I finally got an email from her and she’s come full circle. She sent a recent picture and WOW. She has done a 180. I showed a co-worker the pic she sent and he commented, “Damn….who’s that? She’s hot.” When I explained her back story he nodded, “Good job Son.” I should point out that she’s not really what I’m into in a woman- I’d TOTALLY date her. Lol. This is the email I got.

“ Hi Danny,

Just to let you know that I’m still around and kickin’. I went up north for a bit and got really busy…..

I’m getting my skydiving license – thought that might bring you military types a smile, me pretending like I’m all badass and stuff. My instructor kind of looks like you, which is why I was reminded.

Hope life is going well for you!

Mara.”

I responded and she sent me this. I asked if I had helped her.

“I was at a wedding recently… this is what I wore.

I flirt-texted the infantryman. I think he likes me. And if not, well… you’ve taught me outcome independence. Also I don’t have to see him ever again if it doesn’t work.”

My girl. Wish I could share her pic, but I’m sure you understand that I can’t. but I did ask her to comment. Hopefully she honor us. stay up.

Well, it kind of goes like this. Danny and his posse gave me a lot of advice, which I took to heart. There were some bits I couldn’t implement (like nail polish – my line of work is not forgiving to nail decoration), and others I could definitely do. Through winter and spring I built up a lot of wardrobe femininity, but I didn’t feel like I was anything lovable on the inside. It felt fake, like a moth pretending to be a butterfly.

But there’s the other stuff, too. Learning things that a man might appreciate, like more interesting cooking. And lots of baking. Still, always the sensation that I was faking it.

Then I got sent up north to a rural town for a month. There was no one around to catch feelings for – it’s so small, everyone in town knows everyone else. And for one of the few times in my life I started to feel at peace. Just hiking the national parks by myself, being completely and truly alone… not all those who wander are lost. I started to feel this steadiness, not quite like joy but definitely a kind of contentment, deep in my soul.

I came to think that I wouldn’t really want to be with someone. Not right now, anyway. Relationships are a lot of work, and looking back at the couple of boyfriends I’ve had (and I do mean a couple – because of the insecurity I have in myself, I don’t connect to very many people), they weren’t a good emotional investment. And I kept searching for that sense of peace again, thinking I wouldn’t find it in a person, but rather by doing something, being in action.

There’s one other place I felt that deep, body-filling sense of rightness. It was a few years ago, when I went skydiving for the first time. We came up in this tiny little prop plane, with the clouds towering at eye level and the sun striking through them.

I’m not your typical skydiving kind of person – if there are any typical skydivers. They get all sorts. I just don’t look the part, really. Even though I thought I’d stick out like a sore thumb, I decided to join up on a skydiving course, get my solo certificate so I could dive anywhere I wanted. That’s a measure of outcome independence – not caring what anyone would think.

You can’t exactly dress in a highly feminine way on a drop zone – nobody goes skydiving in a dress. But I’d gotten into the habit of thinking about what would look cute, and flirty, because of Danny’s lady posse. I showed up for ground school in adorable khaki short-shorts with a flower in my hair. And, feeling like it didn’t matter whether or not I was attracted to anyone, I allowed myself to be curious about everyone. To make small talk, for once, without being nervous about saying the wrong thing. This, too, is part of what Danny taught me – not to overthink things. (I am such an overthinker).

That’s where the infantryman comes in and messes up my total no-man-no-cry zen. It’s kind of hard to say what happened, or what will happen, or even what I want to happen. We’ll see. For now, I’m just here to enjoy the ride.

So happy for Mara Jade. I really relate to her experience. I’ve read this post and other Red Pill bloggers many times hoping to find the clues to what your posse told Mara that helped her to find her inner peace. Any chance of sharing that advice. I’m told that while pretty and feminine I put out a vibe of inaccessiblitiy that may be putting men off. I try, I really do try not to come off that way. I have the feeling I’m destined to own cats, any sharing of wisdom will be most gratefully put to use.