Month: December 2010

I don’t have a set resolutions when it comes to being a mom. Instead, I’ve got a more attainable set of very flexible “goals” or “things I’d like to do”. No commitments here!

1. Get along with every mom at my kids school, even if it means giving them the fake smile and b.s. “How are you?” Can I really do this? Yes! Unclear.

2. After taking a year off from volunteering at the school, I’ll jump back into volunteer work in the fall. I really will!

3. Try to chaperone a field trip. I get extremely car sick and bus sick, so probably not a great idea. A kid throwing up on a bus is one thing, but a mom? Maybe I’ll give it a whirl. We’ll see.

4. I’ll suggest an extensive list of detailed changes to the Willows School’s reading program. Just kidding! It’s great the way it is. Besides, schools HATE when parents do this.

5. Sign up to coach one of my son’s sports teams. Hmmm. Which one? None!!! It would be a disaster. I don’t know anything about sports (except a bit about tennis). And, way too much testosterone on the sports fields for me.

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Los Angeles is often described as one of the most culturally and ethnically diverse cities in the Unites States. A melting pot where people from all social and socio-economic classes can create a comfortable space for themselves and their families. The topic of diversity and inclusion has always been a top priority for many private elementary schools in Los Angeles. Most accredited schools have a diversity mission statement that fits with the school’s educational philosophy. Diversity initiatives at private elementary schools are in place. Efforts are made to recruit and retain minority students. Why then, do some minority families feel like there are very few, if any, support services for them at their schools? Why are some diverse families feeling like they are excluded from social events both at the school and outside of school?

A recent dinner with friends who work in some of LA’s top private schools led me to think about this subject, one which I’ve spent a considerable amount of time working on when I was Director of Diversity at The Curtis School. Over dinner, my colleagues and I pondered the question, “why are so many minority students and families still feeling isolated within their private school communities”? The name of a very well-known music industry super-star and his family were mentioned as parents who are feeling isolated at their children’s school. In this case, race, not class is the dividing issue.

I spoke with a private elementary school family who had recently fallen on hard times as a result of the recession. The woman’s husband had to take a job in another state. The woman felt totally isolated from her peer families at her child’s school and was no longer invited to many of the social gatherings, party book functions and play dates where the family was often first on the list of invited guests.

This is one example of how minority families can feel isolation due to a change in socio-economic status. Although this situation is unique in its own way, it illustrates the fact that at some schools, additional time must be spent on developing effective retention strategies for minority families and incorporating more sensitivity training into professional development workshops.

The National Association of Independent Schools (NAIS) encourages schools to educate their teachers and staff on how to be sensitive to all students and work to develop these practices and lessons into everyday classroom instruction and the admissions process.

Last week, a good friend shared with me that there was an amazing new family from out of state that had just joined her daughter’s third grade class. The mother was friendly and always made time in her busy work schedule to volunteer and be an active member of the classroom community. The family lives in a gated community in Inglewood because the father had accepted a job at the last minute at a huge law firm in LA and this was the first house they found. The mother tried hard to set up play date after play date, but seemed to continuously have no luck. Finally, one day she called a mom that she was friendly with and asked if they could get together. The other mother’s response was, “Sure, but I heard that you live in Inglewood and we DON’T DO Inglewood”. Needless to say, these same patterns continued throughout the course of the next year and finally the family ended up leaving the school. In my experience, this is not uncommon. Minority families an be isolated due to socio-economic status, geographic differences, race or other factors. Let’s face it, race still matters.

If you are a minority family applying to schools, there are a few things you should look for during your tours, interviews and visits to the school. Do you see diverse students, teachers and staff at the school? Does the school have a diversity committee that allows parents to join? Once your child is at the school, if it does not have a diversity committee, talk to your head master about setting up one. In addition, help organize a parent-driven committee that is responsible for acknowledging and creating campus-wide programs that celebrate each cultural holiday (Chinese New Year, Black History Month, Cinco De Mayo and more). A guest speaker series that focuses on social justice and inclusivity is also a format that is used successfully by many private elementary schools in Los Angeles. All of these practices will help ensure that diversity is welcome and celebrated throughout the school community, making the campus more inclusive to every family.

If you are a minority family applying to private schools, The Alliance, as it’s known among private schools, can help with all aspects of the admissions process.

No, they are PRIVATE SCHOOL ROYALTY. Yes, like Lucky Chucky (aka Prince Charles), Balding Billy (aka Prince William) and the red-headed step-child (aka Prince Harry) that so captivate the British tabloids, these private school children get the plum spots on sports teams, choruses, plays, and classroom roles of various types solely by nature of their pedigree – who their grandparents and parents are and how much they contribute, or in many cases, how much they COULD contribute. You see, the really savvy private school royalty give a taste of what could be, and then watch the school do somersaults to make their blessed offspring worthy of the family name in the hope that even more of the royal coffers – might we even say the crown jewels – spill into the school’s annual fund, capital fund, and, the holy of holy: endowment.

In the old world, endowment was by birth. In 1776, these words changed all that: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” Two-plus centuries later, in the private schools of Los Angeles, it seems the old world has returned. Thomas Jefferson had no idea what he was up against.

Barry Perlstein is Christina Simon’s husband. He is a graduate of Harvard College and Harvard Law School. He works in private equity. Barry’s claim to fame? When he was at law school, he was on Law Review with Barack Obama, who was the president of the Harvard Law Review. The day of the Law Review photo, Barry decided to study sleep in and watch re-runs of Hawaii Five-O. So, we have a photo of President Obama and the entire Law Review, except my husband, who of course, could care less. So much for photo memories!

Happy Holidays from our families to yours! Anne, Porcha and I are so appreciative of all your support for our book, our events and this blog. Please keep the comments and emails coming. We love hearing from our readers!