Roger Clemens was a very popular athlete and a hero to many, so even after this latest alleged use of HGH and steroids many will still look up to the big guy. His image will be slightly tarnished so he will need to go for some lesser known companies and pitch himself differently after the controversy. Here are 10 suggested advertisers for Roger Clemens…

Victoria’s Secret

The Pitch: After a decade of steroid use, the rocket is undoubtedly hiding a giant pair of man boobs and Roger could help sell to a whole new audience.

Viagra

The Pitch: Everyone knows prolonged steroid use causes problems getting it up to the plate if you know what I mean…

Acne Medication

The Pitch: Everyone knows that one of the most visible side effects of steroids is acne. The Rocket hasn’t shown a blemish – Proactiv is his other little secret!

Fertility Clinics

The Pitch: Steroids leave you as infertile as Rosie O’Donnel so he’s going to need a pinch hitter if he wants to leave anymore orphans.

Jenny Craig

The Pitch: Once you stop using that muscle will turn to fat, and with popular pitch man Roger would be a home run for the weight loss giant.

Hair Club for Men

The Pitch: Steroids turn you bald – just look at Barry Bonds. Roger can go from that unhappy no hair guy to a happy, outgoing, and confident cheater.

Cheaters TV Show

The Pitch: The most famous cheater in baseball is too dumb to listen to analyzing games so having him chase other cheaters would be prefect. Plus the guy is huge and seeing him beat down an angry spouse would be ratings gold.

GNC

The Pitch: People will just assume your muscle building products are chalk full of steroids.

Bail Bonds

The Pitch: Roger was fast, friendly and walked away from serious jail time.

Life Insurance

The Pitch: Death is coming to us all like a 90 mile an hour fastball but who better to remind us of that than an aging overweight steroid abuser.

3 Responses to “Roger Clemens post-controversy advertising”

This IS the retard zone. GNC ad says ‘chalk full of steroids’. What the heck is ‘chalk full’ mean? You might ‘chalk up two runs in the first inning’ or ‘chalk it up to lack of practice’. You would be ‘chock full of steroids’ not ‘chalk full’. Retards.