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SINCE National Exercise Day took place this week I thought I’d explain what your gym class says about you.

Yoga in a leisure centre: The fluorescent lighting, freezing air con and Calvin Harris reverberating from the aerobics class next door really detracts from the relaxing aspect but it’s cheaper than your average yoga class so hey-ho.

Yoga in a yoga studio: I know yoga isn’t meant to be competitive but the look on their faces when I do my headstand will be priceless. That chump over there can’t even touch her toes. Get back to the beginners class, your hamstrings are an embarrassment, love.

Yoga at a retreat: If I chant enough, maybe the gaping hole within will subside.

Hot Yoga: I know warm, humid conditions are the perfect breeding ground for germs but germs are just like us. Do not fear the germs, accept the germs. Be at one with the germs. Breathe in the germs and breathe out the germs. Swap mats with your classmate and share the germs for we are all germs really.

Fitness DVD: Straight after this grab bag of pickled onion Monster Munch I am definitely going to get off the couch and actually do this.

Zumba: My pals all have babies and this is the closest thing I get to a night out now. There’s straight vodka in my water bottle.

Meditation: I just want to get away from the weans and lie down for an hour.

(Image: Getty Images)

Stair Master: I mainly measure my fitness in wine. If I stay on this thing for another 20 minutes I can have two glasses of wine tonight AND a packet of Wotsits.

Boxercise: It’s masculine yet girly, like those tight-fitting football tops.

Spin: There’s just something about going nowhere that really appeals to me.

Self-defence: If no one attacks me after this, will it all have been a waste of time?

Step aerobics: I have trouble letting go of the past.

Willpower and Grace: I like fitness and I like sitcoms. I might pitch my own idea to the leisure centre – ABSolutley Fabulous. You give up food, drink Bolly, smoke fags and occasionally lie in a flotation tank.

Aqua aerobics: I like old people. They’re so adorable and make me look so much fitter in comparison.

Boot camp: Being insulted by a frustrated ex-army officer burns so many calories.

Hula Hoop class: I just love to suck the fun out of all childhood activities. Tomorrow I have boogie bounce, the day after I have jump rope class.

Question -1 of 5Score -0 of 0

According to Dr Andrew Breeze, a philologist from Navarre University in Spain, where was King Arthur from?