For some reason, there’s a lot of bullshit in the affiliate marketing industry. Easy (enough) money just seems to attract the worse people in society. They commit fraud and steal from affiliates – you know, just your all around grime. Affiliates seem to accept a certain level of scumbag-ness, but there are companies that take it to a whole ‘nother level. People are always complaining that the affiliate industry needs to be cleaned up. What better way then exposing fraudsters outright?

In this month’s installment of “Barman reads the news so you don’t have to…,” or as some people call it, “a Glorified AffBuzz,” we take a look at new developments on the internet. Well, not really, just a lot of useful resources for copy writing, affiliates, and people stepping up their entrepreneur and start-up game. Don’t forget to read last month’s “issue” or even the month before that – some of the links are timeless.

A little over a year ago, I wrote a post about LotsofAds.com, the super secret agent ads spy tool used by James Bond, Batman, and even Lebron James (Dear FTC: the last bit there is obviously a joke.)

Since then, there have been a number updates and improvements to the Lots of Ads service which I’ll discuss shortly. But to refresh your memory, LotsofAds.com is database of … well, lots of ads, from a certain, very large social network. LotsofAds constantly monitors this social network and records the ads it sees through various “user accounts” broken up into different demographics. Over time, LotsofAds has managed to scrape data on hundreds of thousands of ads all over the world.

Lots of Improvements

Now Supporting 25 Countries – It’s no secret that advertising internationally is a great, wide open frontier for many affiliates located in 1st world countries where competition has ramped up. In the US and other English-speaking countries, you’re not only competing with affiliates, but with big brands with near-limitless budgets that have no concern for ROI.

With LotsofAds.com, you can see what’s being promoted in non-English countries.

On the flip side of seeing “what’s working,” you can also get insight into “what hasn’t even been tried.” Don’t see any dating ads in Papua New Guinea? Well, what the hell are you waiting for? Translate them shits and go! (assuming you can find a Papua New Guinea BBW dating offer…)

Advertising affiliate offers, internationally, isn’t that hard on a large social network platform. Millions of new users each day across the world – don’t worry about competition. There’s plenty for everyone.

It’s just work – setup, translation, and ad submission is grunt work but worth it when you can get sub-penny clicks. Don’t make it harder on yourself! See which images and copy are working in the US and UK (hint: Use the LotsofAds Frequency setting), then translate that stuff to another, less-competitive language and country. Submit the ads, cross your fingers, then submit 20 more. The most-eye catching ads that get stupid click-thru-rates are the ones that will make you money.

Lots of Spying – LotsofAds.com improved on their data by providing a whole “Ad Destinations” section which lends itself to some creative spying…

1. Find ads using your favorite affiliate networks by entering their tracking domain in the “Redirect URL” field.
2. Find ads running on popular affiliate tracking platforms.
3. Find all ads ran by a particular affiliate by plugging in their tracking domain.
4. View any campaign’s exact targeting by analyzing the subids being passed in the URLs.
5. Show only ads that have more than one redirect since these ads are more likely to belong to affiliates (select “>1 Redirects”)

Seriously, that is some next-level spy shit. This kind of data is good to have and fun to look at, but not a solid game plan. Don’t go around copying campaigns word for word. That’s amateur hour. If you do, the Son of Zeus will shit on you. Use the data create your own campaigns, or take the creatives and go do some media buying with it.

If LotsofAds.com sounds like Lots of Profit to you, definitely check it out. I rarely review stuff on this blog without shitting on it, but LotsofAds.com has continually improved since it came out. There isn’t really anything bad to say about it. What the shit are you waiting for?!

So it looks like I might actually finish a wrap-up post on time for once. It’s only July 4th, whereas most of the time these posts are finished halfway through the month. Happy Freedom Day Americuh FUCK YEARRRRHHHH!

Let’s begin with all things interesting on the internet…

Affiliate, Copywriting, Traffic, and other Online Marketing Goodies

Some chick on Shoemoney posts 11 Things to Make You Look Like a Conference Douche. While I agree industry conferences are filled with some of the lowest of low life degenerates, I think this chick is out of line a little here. You’re an 8 at industry conferences because they’re giant sausage parties. In real life you’re a 5 at best. You get +3 just for being there and having tits. AND I’ll stare at your tits if I want to WHY ARE YOU WEARING THAT LOW CUT SHIRT THEN?!

But seriously, all joking aside ( i respect women in real life), seobitch ( If that’s your real name…) makes some valid points. Mr. No Tipper – That turns ME off, and I am a guy. I fucking HATE this. Broke asses can’t even toss a bartender a $1. Shit is just mind-boggling.

Still using the same “copy + paste” method in affiliate marketing? No wonder you suck! Read this good post by Mr. Green over at POF – Stop Ignoring Angles! A lot of great advice on how to bring up good campaigns – focus on the copy and angle. Once you’re profitable, then you can fuck around with small stuff like button color.

And the biggest nonsense of all, he says, “is the idea that because the rich are the smartest, and because we’re the job creators, the richer we get, the better it is for everyone. So taxes on the rich should be very, very low because we’re essentially the center of the economic universe, the font of productivity.” Nick pauses. “If there were a shred of truth to the claim that the rich are our nation’s job creators, then given how rich the rich have gotten, America should be drowning in jobs!”

Everyone (who knows whats good for them … even 14 year olds are getting the picture) is changing their business model around to something more long-term. Something they can sell off in the future. A startup. A service. Whatever. Sure, it’s more work, but at least your entire business won’t be wiped out overnight when your favorite offer / network / traffic source gimmick goes down.

Anyway, this is going to be the last “wrap up” post that gets this big or in-depth. They just take way too long and I get the funny feeling no one is actually reading this shit. In the future, posts will be shorter but more frequent, and have a lot less to do with affiliate marketing.

You’re better off following me on twitter, and checking out my favorites because that’s where I store these goodies before curating them into posts like these. Although I do clear them out every time I write a post so what’s there right now might not be too useful.

Since Facebook hasn’t figured out how to monetize their mobile users yet, perhaps they will get more lax with what they allow on their advertising platform (will we ever see muffin tops again?) I mean, they are trying to monetize mobile users, but it’s not really bad ass. You can’t even separate out Android and iOS from each other, or traffic from Blackberry or feature phones. STUPID. (Unless I’m stupid and can’t find the setting)

They’ve gotten very strict over the years, but now the pressure from shareholders to boost revenue and profit might turn that all around. Word on the street is that some accounts are getting unbanned and spending limits are being bumped for no reason. Also, it appears that Facebook is plotting some sort of retargetting exchange.

Oh Mark, it is very enjoyable watching your high-and-mighty approach to monetization slip through your hands like grains of sand.

Affiliate and Other Online Marketing Stuff

You are now allowed to apply for your own domain extension. So if you wanted to apply for a .barman, you could send ICANN about 5-6 figures (I forget the exact amount) and they will decide if you get said extension. I don’t know what this means for the internet but certain companies and people are going balls to the wall with this. Google applies for 101 new TLDs, and Frank Shilling applies for over 50.

I feel like this will cause nothing but confusion for the feeble-minded users of the internet, but if Frank’s spending $60 Million then these new TLD’s must have some value.

Mobile Stuffs

Check this shit out… a kickstartr for mobile apps. Haven’t looked too close at it yet, but looks like a great place to steal ideas if you’re developing apps. I kid, i kid! (It’s all about execution, not your stupid ideas)

Beyond Affiliate Marketing – Startups, Tech News, and Productivity

First and foremost: STOP GOING TO COLLEGE. Start a business. Start a lean start-up. Start a fat start-up. Whatever you do, don’t rack up 5 to 6 figures of debt to get a degree which won’t help you get a job. Only go to college if you want to be a specialist of some sort, like a doctor, lawyer, or engineering. Anything else can be learned from the giant cesspool of information known as the internet. Fuck what your parents tell you. “But you won’t be able to succeed in life without a degree” This is a lie. That dream is dead. Don’t become another debt-ridden statistic like a lot of people I know. Learn to solve problems instead. Seriously, you can start a six-figure business with less than $100.

So I stumbled upon this book called “Getting Real” the other day. This is one of those, “if I knew then what I know now” moments where I am greatly saddened that I did not have this information before.

“Getting Real” is from the 37Signals guys who have developed some incredibly successful products that I know many of you use. The company is a handful of guys and they bust out services that people love (because they’re effective and useful) and they pull in millions a year in revenue.

This book will open your eyes to a lot of mistakes people make during development of web properties and services. As I read the book, I smacked myself for every mistake I found myself doing. Now I have two black eyes and a broken nose.

No huge development teams. No unachievable timeframes. No meetings about meetings. Cut the bullshit and start getting shit live. Learn how to say no to stuff that wastes time.

“Ignore it at your own peril” – Seth Godin.

Not only is the book short, concise and awesome- it’s free 99. I know we tend to put less value on free stuff, but trust me, this book is invaluable.

Who Should Read “Getting Real”?

You are building a web app. You are building a mobile app. You manage developers who build web apps or mobile apps. You sell and outsource website services. You do e-commerce. It doesn’t matter. As long as you develop shit, or work with people who develop shit, stop what you’re doing and read this book now.

Who Should Not Read “Getting Real”

You do not like free information that can make your life significantly easier.

If you’ve forgotten what What Runs Where is, check out this recent review of WhatRunsWhere. WRW is essentially a spying tool for display advertising. There are some decent tips in that review, if you’re still wondering what to do with that intelligence.

The PDF explains the difference between “direct site” buys, where you buy ads directly on a single site or group of sites, and “exchanges,” where you have the ability to buy media on a huge network of websites. At this point you should be fairly grounded in what media buying is all about.

Lean.com RTB Exchange and More Buzzwords

Now that you got your shit together with media buying, you should check out LeanMarket, which makes a mockery of all the other aggregate DSP / RTB platforms out there.

For the foreseeable future, LeanMarket isn’t open for public registrations. But if you know the secret password, you can get your foot in the door. $500 is the minimum depsoit, which is respectable. It keeps the newbies out and it’s lower than other traffic platforms like TrafficVance. I wouldn’t worry about newbies either. LeanMarket has access to so much traffic you could spent millions of dollars a day, and there would still be plenty left over for everyone.

The secret password is “dullspace.” ( That is not a joke either. I know we have some “boy who cried wolf” shit going on with the word “dullspace,” but you better recognize the seriousness of the situation here. Like many great mysteries that have plagued mankind before, “dullspace” is the answer. Trust me. )

This post has nothing to do with internet marketing, but everything to do with the demographic (young males 18-30.) Also, this is one of the more honest posts I’ll ever write.

When I was a young lad many years ago, a new revolution in computing had begun. Computers were affordable for families of almost any means. I think I was in 5th grade when my parents got me and my siblings a computer for Christmas. It was a Compaq Persario 25 or something. Some weird contraption that had the monitor and computer components in one box.

Well, like any self-respecting 11 year old, the first thing I did was try and find some titties. Oh, and titties I did find. Sweet, illustrious pornography.

Porn is what powers in the internet. The demand for naked females is the reason why the internet is what it is today. Back in the early days, “porn” was the #1 searched term for many years running. It’s why broadband exists. Porn paved the way for profiting on the internet. Online pornographers invented affiliate marketing. It’s the reason nginx exploded as a web server recently.

Besides trillions upon trillions of wasted sperm, porn does have its place in technology. Demand for porn sparked a lot of innovation. We’ve all benefited from it in one way or another.

But if there’s so much Porn available, then surely it must be normal behavior?

But could I go 72 hours without checking out some naked titties and rubbing one out? Rarely. Not in recent memory. Oh fuck, maybe I am addicted to the dopamine drip caused by looking at porn…

The only time I have no desire to look at porn is when I’m in a relationship. The chemicals your brain releases when you’re with a person are completely different from chemicals you receive while watching porn.

The Great Dopamine Drip

After reading the article by Asian Efficiency, I decided to stop looking at porn with a conscience effort. The primary reason was to see its affect on my productivity. I became aware of any desire to look at porn, and realized it was just my brain yearning for the dopamine drip. Must… resist … fapping…

Then I stumble upon this TEDTalk video which really brought the point home.

Edit: More Good No-Masturbating Stuff

Friend linked me to this blog post, “How to Stop Masturbating”. Great funny read which touches on some benefits not mentioned in the other stuff I linked. And of course, more “How-to” tips then the other links.

Why Did I Stop Watching Porn?

Did I Even Feel Bad About Watching Porn? Most of the time, no. But every guy has that moment (or moments) in their life when they bust a messy nut with 12 downloads going and 32 tabs open. At that point, you just think, “What the fuck am I doing? What the FUCK is wrong with you, you piece of shit?!” and feel the worst shame you possibly can.

Was I getting erectile dysfunction? No, all appears to be in working order. But apparently this is a problem in some people as stated in the video above.

Was I getting into kinkier and kinkier shit? No, I could still get off to softcore porn. Hell, I still can’t watch anal sex and still can’t understand the appeal (Why is it always a top category on porn tube sites?)

Was I lowering my view of women? No, I still love women for the beautiful yet confusing creatures they are. We’re cool, right ladies?

I stopped watching porn because of its affect on the brain and productivity, and especially to shift my desire to seeking out real women for sexual gratification. It was just too easy to get distracted with work and think, “ah fuck it, maybe I’ll look at some internet titties for a few minutes.”

I decided I’d rather be addicted to sex and fucking random and not-so-random slags (safely, of course) then be addicted to porn and self-stimulation. It’s a mental challenge – replacing porn with real women is difficult. You have to like, talk to them and shit. And say stuff so they like you and touch your penis.

I think I just got to the point where trying to bang real women was not a top priority anymore. That is not OK or healthy. As a single, tall, sexy male, this should priority #2, right behind getting filthy money. Even though fucking real girls was always on my mind, I made very little actual effort to make it happen these past few years. I blame this on a number of things, with porn likely having some contribution to my lack of effort.

Why Should You?

Has porn been proven to have a negative affect on our brain? Not exactly, but the preliminary studies aren’t looking good. Modern day porn is just not a part of our history or evolution. I am not trying to start a crusade against porn. I think porn is awesome. It’s just too fucking much.

My main concern is people younger than me. I worry about some of you. At least I can remember a time when there were only like 50 nude pictures on the entire internet, and getting them was a hassle. But now, there are tube sites. Video porn for every kinky niche available. Midgets, ebony, milfs, you name it. So many tube sites… As far as the eye can see!

I don’t consider myself a porn addict. I don’t consider myself a social or emotional retard. But some of you are. So maybe give it a shot and see what happens?

So you see this Finch character posting Premium Reading products, and you’re wondering “Should I buy that?” The short answer is Yes. Warning! Affiliate links located inside this post.

In a sea of shitty affiliate marketing products, 98% provide absolutely zero value. The other 1.9% actually provide value, and there’s about .1% left over for really high quality material.

The problem is sorting out the shit from the gold. Luckily for you, barman, semi-world famous blogger extraordinaire, usually gets free review copies plz of many affiliate marketing products. I give honest reviews, so if it’s something is shit, I will say its shit, even if I got it free. If something is good, I will praise its goodness. I don’t gas up shit just because I get it free or at a discount. Finch’s Premium Posts are one of the few such product that I like a lot and consider worth your monies.

Volume 5 Maximum ROI Marketing

The main reason why I like Finch’s Premium posts is that they’re written by an affiliate, for affiliates. If you’re just starting out, you will get a ton of value from Finch’s Premium Posts. If you’re a seasoned marketer, you will still pick up some great tips and tricks.

Volume 5 is 100+ pages of quality reading material. Sure, it’s double-spaced and the font is kind of big, but that never stopped you when you were in high school writing English papers trying to reach that 6 page minimum.

I think this Volume 5 is especially good for new or struggling affiliates. There are a lot of low-cost marketing ideas in this volume that you can put to use right away.

With Finch’s writing style, you’ll laugh (If I were running a ‘Work at Home Mom’ blog [Note: I’m not. My tits are too hairy.]), you’ll cry ( “Why didn’t I think of that!”) and most importantly, you’ll make money. So let’s have a looksie at the highlights from Volume 5.

Testing Profitability on a Budget – How can you tell the bad offers from the good before you even test them? Finch drops some quality tips on how to spot trouble before you’re scrubbed and shaved to the bone. Why is this offer paying so high? Why is this offer paying so low but converting so well? And how to spot a brokered brokered and more brokered offer, and what it means for conversions.

Brainstorming and Testing Angles and Landing Pages – Honestly I don’t know how Finch comes up with some of the angle and copy ideas he writes about. Truly, this is a gentlemen that either mastered knowing what people want, or has some William Shakespeare in his bloodline. Either or, you will have some ‘ah ha!’ moments throughout Volume 5.

One of the strongest parts of this Volume is how Finch lays out his landing page plan. Landing pages are excellent for shoe-string budgets because you’re not playing a ‘spend money then optimize’ game.

“You can’t rely on a one-size-fits-all concept.”

Your landing pages should be optimized for your ‘angle’ from the start. The goal here is to not “lose the scent” (I forget which book it was where I picked up that analogy.) If you have a creative ad that gets really specific, you’re going to kill conversions if your landing page is not directly related to that creative, or if you’re direct linking. Like a bloodhound (in this case, an obese single mom), the customer clicked your ad for a reason. If you don’t elaborate on that initial click in your landing page, you’re going to lose. If you don’t pre-sell the offer on your landing page correctly, you’re going to lose again because the person will either not click thru to the offer at all, or not be sold completely and leave when they get to the offer page.

“But, this is more work!” you whine. Well, no shit! The affiliate space just keeps getting more and more competitive, so if you do what everyone else is doing, then no fucking shit you keep losing money.

“Set and Forget” Campaigns on Plenty of Fish – I’m not going to go into details on this part, but it’s pretty amazing insight on using various demographic data to generate long-lasting highly-targeted campaigns.

And More – The rest of Volume 5 covers some really good stuff, including advertising on Facebook successfully (and unsuccessfully), How to promote gaming offers, how to get into international markets the right way (and the wrong way), and a slew of more “pockets of gold” on the internets. Also I enjoy the section on monetizing trends because there are a few trend sites I have never even heard of before.

Overall, I can’t recommend the work Finch is doing enough. His writing style is awesome and the information he provides is invaluable. If only… there were some sort of legitimate rating system for affiliate marketing products, then Finch Sells Premium Posts would deserve nothing less than 5 fish heads.

Oh shit it’s May. That means there’s probably some interesting news that happened since the last wrap-up post. I started this post a few days ago… finishing it up on a Monday, which is rather difficult because blogs keep updating with new posts.

In “This Makes Me Feel Old News,” Wolfenstien turns 20. Some of you were barely a glint in your father’s nutsack when that game came out.

Online and Affiliate Marketing News

Some of the biggest non-news last month and this month, has been the recent updates to the Google algorithm. SEO is dead and Google killed some pandas or something. I don’t know, I don’t follow this shit. Although I used to care back in the day, the idea of building your whole ‘business model’ around trying to outsmart Google with spam and crap is no longer appealing, and it’s no longer a viable business model. Shoemoney has a laugh at these fools in this post. You can also get more LOLz by visiting the WickedFire forum SEO section, where countless retards are complaining that their entire livelihood vanished into thin air.

The bottom line is that you’re going to have to get off your ass and build an actual, long-term business. This is nothing new. Even if it’s SEO, the days of spamming your way to the top are gone (unless they’re not gone, in which case you’re probably smart enough to not spill the beans), so commit your time to something that isn’t dependent on Google. Something worth sharing so you can actually take advantage of all that social media goodness, so people drive your traffic and not a search engine.

What is affiliate marketing? This infographic from Pepperjam explains in a racist way. Andy runs a Hate Store. He sells cross burning materials and KKK masks. Not an affiliate program I want to be a part of!

Removing complexity when coding is the key to being a good programmer. When you think something through before writing, instead of just typing away -> run code to see if it works, you tend to write better code. This isn’t something that you can pick up overnight, and its definitely something i have to work on all the time, but its hugely helpful to even be aware of the problem.