Who is The Salty Droid?

Who is The Salty Droid? {assumption of John Galt allusion unwarranted}

Ask yourself that question. {DO IT … close your eyes and DO IT} Now lose some fucking sleep over it. Who? WHO?!? God damn it … I must know NOW! Stop the insanity!!

Oh ScamTown :: You’re So Adorable

Let The Droid break it down for the Guruhood Of Internetia. You see girls … it doesn’t matter who I am. You don’t need to be particularly qualified :: morally upright :: intelligent :: or sober to write a profanity laden blog about OBVIOUS shit eating bastards.

What if I’m really a 67 year goat herder from the mountains of Pakistan with a whole Harem of women who I BEAT regularly for my pleasure? Sure, that’s going to BLOW my chances at a Pulitzer :: But it won’t make _Evil Jowls _Perry Belcher any less a FELON or Disgusting Pig {swineflu, #swineflu, notice me, pigflu, #sneeze}. Jimmy Davis will still lack the qualifications for Food Court employment. Carbon Copy Pro will still be CRAPTACULAR. And homophobe JaceMan Barnett will still be on this blog … wearing a fucking tiara {forever and ever amen}.

The truth, dolled up in a Gown-o-Snark, will still RING … and STING. There is to be no saving you from it now. You might as well shut down your squeeze pages :: Delete your Twitter accounts :: Eliminate the phrase “Limited Time Offer” from your rhetorical repertoires :: And join the fucking Navy like REAL MEN would.

However :: If you must quest for my identity incessantly :: Here’s a Pro tip –> Assume that the facts I have already given you are TRUE.

What??

Surely you jest!!

No really, you should try it … at least as a starting point. I know it’s hard for you soulless witches to understand this … but some people DON’T lie INCESSANTLY. Most people haven’t read the underground MLM hit :: Successfully Making Up Professional Sounding Titles Successfully – Special Edition Gold.

I’m trying to establish a reputation for aggressive truthfulness :: LYING about myself as an opening act would be a piss poor start. It would be idiot stupid :: Have almost no near-term upside :: And would show a complete lack of forethought. Does that sound like a description of this Droid??

WAIT! Don’t answer that … just keep cowering in silence while I run fucking circles around you.