48 year old female nursing student, meditated for years for pain management and thought Buddhism was a bunch of silly stuff until I went on a couple of retreats and found "happiness!" i had know idea it really existed. Looking to listen to other like-minded people. with Metta,

Hello !
It 's a pleasure for me to join this community. I present myself : I m french (so excuse me for the syntax errors), thirty seven years old and waiting for a baby shortly (!). I work as psychologist, and I m and deeply engaged in the buddhist practice (meditation..) and the pali text study. It make me understand better what's the Dhamma, it 's the purpose I suppose...

I m sure I 'll find in this area great informations and discussions, that will help me in all aspects.
See you soon
Jayve

I'm a 24 year old American. I started meditating around the age of 17 and two years later, I left school and joined a Thai Forest Monastery. I spent two years there, which included my 21st birthday, what a roaring time that was Anyway for a number of reasons I decided to leave the wat and have now been back in "the world" for about two years. I'm just starting to get back into Buddhism. You see, after I left I went through a major re-examining of all the teachings and had a lot of confusion about what I really believed. The monastic experience was kind of overwhelming to be honest. I'm just starting to get a handle on what it all meant.

On a mundane level, I'm back in school studying mathematics at the University near me. I'm also in a relationship, which is a trip after spending years in celibacy. But I love it. I think the lay life is definitely a better fit for me.

Anyway that's my story. It's a pleasure chatting with all of you and reading through these bios. Thanks!

Thank you everybody for your honest biographies. I've been on here on and off for more than two years so it's about time I offer my background. I will be as honest and concise as possible, but will leave some things out both unintentionally from lack of memory and intentionally for other reasons. I apologize for any grammatical or spelling errors or stylistic shortcomings. I've rarely talked about this stuff to anybody my whole life. It's LONG.

Born in New York City in 1988, spent 12 years on Long Island, went to high school and college in Arizona. 25 years old. Mom is Japanese, dad Chinese (from Taiwan). One younger sister. My parents' relationship has affected this body/mind significantly, so I will start here.

There was and is deeply conditioned cultural tension between parents. Not sure what made them think they could overcome their cultural differences, but it was most likely physical attraction, their mutual friend's introduction, and a sense of solidarity between themselves as two young immigrants in the United States. Japanese and Chinese people as a whole, historically, do not get along. The two cultures are very different, with the majority of each country/nation/people having negative views of the other.

My parents seemed to embody this conflict in every way. Each parent went to separate Pentacostal churches in Queens, New York. Every Saturday, my sister and I accompanied one parent. Mom's church was quite strict. The lecture and singing was entirely in Japanese. I never understood 99% of what was being said. My sister and I would just sit in the back row with my mom for 3 hours (I think) and be bored out of our minds. We wanted to play! We would mostly lie on mom's lap, trying to sleep though the lecture. I remember becoming a bit more serious about singing hymns and turning to the right page in the English Bible so I could follow along and praying as time went on but only understood God as this weird being that listened to prayers and had great powers and had a son named Jesus, who was also God. People prayed in tongues (and some people could really speak in tongues [a completely unintelligible slurring/language/gibberish not even the person praying could understand {I think}]). The schedule was something like this (as best as I can remember): Sing 2-3 hymns, lecture from female minister along with reading the Bible aloud (there were three ways: 1. minister reads alone, 2. everybody reads together, 3. minister and audience alternate verses.), pray in tongues for 15-20 minutes, lecture/reading, hymns, lecture/reading, pray in tongues, lecture/reading, pray in tongues, hymns, final chanting. Something like that.

My dad's church was completely different (from a kid's perspective). I think I liked my dad's church better although I would rather have stayed home and played video games or in the yard with neighbors. We had a youth class, in which we would be taught the commandments and new lessons each week (in English). I had a couple of friends at the "Chinese church" and after lunch we could run around in the church yard or watch television. At least here, I could somewhat relate and talk with people, although most of the time I had very little interest in anything but playing and watching sports and movies. One thing I remember very clearly was how serious and intellectual everything was at both churches. None of the adults really laughed and rarely smiled.

I was a kid, I didn't want to be serious. I wanted to have fun and run around and kick stuff and throw stuff. At my Dad's church, if a person could speak in tongues, he had the Holy Spirit, and if a person could not speak in tongues, he clearly did not have enough faith and was not really a wise person. He did not have the Holy Spirit. I couldn't really speak in tongues except by effort. I guess I've always been effort-oriented, and could never understand what non-efforting was. Looking back now, it felt most people speaking in tongues were really passionate and alive. There was little to no personal effort involved, it was just the Spirit moving through them. Needless to say, there were no truly bright enlightened souls who I can remember at either of these places. Everything felt heavy and dark, dogmatic and hard, especially at the Chinese church. My dad could never really speak in tongues. He tried very hard (I remember him trying to pray in his bedroom). Still, he was called upon to translate from Chinese to English on the podium from time to time. SOOOO weird, now thinking about it.

Mom always wanted to change dad (most Japanese view themselves as more advanced and sophisticated in every aspect), and dad has always tried to please my mom but clearly was conditioned to be the way he is. Whenever there was good news about Japan and/or the USA or bad news about China, mom would use it as justification for why Japan and Japanese people are better. Lots of this pride feeling is not said but just emitted through the body/mind. Dad, I feel, realized and admitted Japanese culture was more clean and polite in general. My dad actually loves being in Japan. He would probably live there if it were more affordable, or if he had a good relationship with my mom.

With China's growing economic power, dad has become prouder. He also has antagonistic views of the United States, as the US and China are competing for global power. As he identifies with China, anything good for the US is likely bad for China, and vice versa. Mix this in with good US-Japanese ties, and there is a whole mess of conflicting political and personal philosophies, biased perceptions, strong prejudices, and tension in general. OK, so feeling, seeing and hearing all this growing up has been quite confusing for my own psychology. Now, with Vipassana, it's easier to have a more balanced view of what really went on and continues to go on between my parents. At the root, is a DEEP attachment to self.

I was usually a good student in school. Actually, in my early school years, teachers were not sure whether I would speak English well, as it was my third language behind Chinese and Japanese, and my parents did not speak English with me at all. I was in ESL for a couple of years I think. I started talking a lot, and sometimes got into trouble for being too talkative. I learned English fine over the years. I went to Chinese school once a week. I spent most summers in Japan, went to school there from 4th-8th grade in summer. As time went on, I became increasingly more competitive with grades and everything else in general. We moved to Arizona after my 7th grade year. OK, I'll start going fast now.

High school -- Straight-A's through junior year except for one B in Spanish my freshman year. Ranked near top of class. Late sophomore year, started getting into light partying, smoking, drinking. Started playing poker online and with friends at my house or others' houses. Spent hours on the internet playing poker. Once ran a free $10 account to 16-20k or so in a couple of months with a couple friends. Lost 10k in 2 days and decided I had enough stress. Quit that for a while. Junior year was worse. Got a girlfriend. Had a very sexual, corrupted, self-centered relationship. Started smoking marijuana pretty seriously. Ran for student government president (lol!), talked about poker and my girlfriend in election speech, obviously lost (I seriously thought I was going to win; I was very deluded). Senior year, all B's. Cut class a lot, smoked marijuana almost everyday, went to the casinos many days of the week (illegally). Paid gf's first semester at state college (very naive). All through this, I tutored several students (man, I must have been a bad influence). I was also president of the largest community service club at my school during senior year (I probably didn't do a great job). Girlfriend broke up with me after senior year. Depression really activated, smoked everyday. What a paradox of the fruition of good karma and creation of bad karma through these years (and onwards).

College -- Went to Arizona State University on full-ride National Merit Scholarship. Received extra money from school. First semester -- smoked everyday, pretended to be cool and visit parties, played poker almost every night, came home many mornings at 5/6/7 after spending all-night at smoke-filled backroom. Went into a little debt playing poker and generally living a depraved lifestyle. Made money back, paid money back, and vowed never to play poker again (I knew it was bad for me, but I would break this vow many times). Tutored 5-6 high schoolers on the side. Didn't spend much time on studies, but managed GPA of 3.7-8.

Second semester -- Decided to clean up my act a little. Smoked less. Tutored more. Made money, got good grades. Third semester -- really got into reading books, writing. Tutored a lot. Fourth semester -- same thing, except more intense. Would go to school during the days, tutor during the evenings, and read and write all weekend (literally). Looking back now, I was in a deep depression at this point. My family was in shambles. My dad's real estate business had collapsed and his relations with another woman shook up home life (significant family deterioration had already been going on for 2-3 years, and probably more like 15 years of slow deterioration). I felt so responsible for everything (supporting the family, getting straight-A's). It was a tough time.

Fifth semester -- started out aiming for third major in English literature (gosh I was ambitious), considered using 4th year of scholarship money to do hybrid year in law school, and then got convinced to market a product for a MLM company (bad decision!), completely gave up school, started cutting lots of classes, dropped one class, got my dad involved, my mom was angry I did not consult her before making decision (what?! me?! consult?!). I never thought consulting people was a good idea (fool!). I wanted it my way all the time (still do, but now I see it's all dukkha). I thought I was going to drop out of school, but parents convinced me to stay (thank you!). Received first C ever.

Sixth semester -- Took four very easy classes to ensure straight A's. Spent minimal amount of time on studies and at school. I was in business now! I was going to make lots of money and save my family. Yeah right. I lost interest in the business after a few months (more liked, realized it was a pyramid scheme), but by the end of the year, I was getting involved in the political signature gathering business. Started playing poker again, smoking again. Graduated early with two B.A.s in Political Science and Religious Studies. Ended with a 3.97 GPA, summa cum laude. Was quite disappointed for not getting 4.0 (so conditioned to be perfect). Obama gave the commencement speech at graduation!

Moved to Long Beach, lived in a motel with a depressed business partner for most of 7-8 months, while traveling back to Arizona a few times for business. Still quite depressed myself. Started business, borrowed money from mom on a couple of occassions, made back all the money and a bit more in 8 months, decided it was time to leave. Finally! I was introduced to Vipassana meditation, dhamma.org by a friend. Went to the retreat, and I knew I was a good path. Or so I thought....

Came back home after retreat, obviously high from my first taste of piti/sukkha. Bad karma pulled me back: borrowed money from my mom and gave most of my own money to a rather convincing con man. What a great teacher and mirror he was. Realized I had been fooled. Became depressed again. After about 4 months, moved to Silicon Valley, with only one goal in my mind (to pay back my mom). Got a quite high-paying job with growing start-up (my first real job ever), being on the computer all day. Made back all the money to pay back mom after quite a few grueling months, left company. Finally!, I thought.

Spent 3.5 months at California Vipassana Center in North Fork. Took a couple of ten-days. Every time I went home to Arizona, I would backslide, look at girls on the internet. Decided I needed a long retreat. Went to Panditarama Forest Monastery in Burma for 60-day retreat. Came back home COMPLETELY high on piti/sukkha. Became depressed again, fell into old patterns. Decided I needed to be in solitude. Booked two long retreats (seriously, naive). Put most charges on my credit card, having faith money would come in from different sources. Went to GAIA House for 90 days, went to Japan for a month to do 10-day with mom, and then spent 100-some days at Forest Refuge and Retreat Center in Massachusetts. Went through some significant psychological crises. Left due to medical condition (it was probably an yeast infection on my scrotum, but I did not know at the time). Now I know I've had Seborrhoeic dermatitis all my life (ego never thought the body could get sick).

Anyway, back home now. A bit depressed again. Needed to pay taxes and I gave away all my money as food dana while on retreat (lol! what little foresight I had), moved to San Diego to a small residential Zen center, tutored, became a substitute teacher. Felt completely lost on the path. Worked all the time. After 3 or so months, could not resist the urge to play poker to pay back debt. Took credit card advance. Jumped in rather big game, lost $4300 in two days. Now further in debt. Completely depressed now and angry with my mistakes. Back to Arizona, now $6-7k in debt, having the feeling I have wasted all my life, not knowing what to do.

Back in Arizona. Poker habit kept going. Made back all money to pay back credit card debt and back taxes. Kept going. Ended up making 65-70k in a couple of months. COMPLETELY depressed. Gave most of the money to mom, some to dad, some to sister, some to IRS. I need to escape, meditate! Went to CVC again. Spent 4 months managing kitchen, took 4 10-days. I need to be a monk and live a pure life! Ticket to Bangkok. Now I am in Bangkok, leaving in a couple of days to Burma to Panditarama. Plan to be there indefinitely until something pulls me away. I don't know if I can live a monk's life forever, but I want to try for as long as I can.

Wow, a lot of typing. It's good to get these thoughts out and to see how long the spiritual path is, and how selfish I have been all my life. I'm still prideful and ignorant, greedy, selfish, and fearful. Always looking out for #1, strongly and ignorantly attached to body/mind/self. Being in retreat, I want to really see and face suffering as it is instead of running away from it. Now I can feel it more: it's me against me. Every time I let the senses, the mind wander, I pull myself further into suffering. But I only know how to work in retreat space. As soon as I come out of retreat, formal meditation goes completely out the window. It's quite humbling to realize I don't know how to live as a healthy human being, but it's the darned truth. I just want to not hurt myself and other people any more. I want to be a good force in this vast universe, a positive influence on myself and on others. Mostly, I just want to learn to follow people's directions and live a pure, simple life. Holding onto desire and money contracts the body/mind. It creates fear. Can I see this more and more clearly without trying to deceive myself every moment doesn't matter? How much can I let go? I don't know.

OK, rant over. I've edited a bit, but most of it was stream of consciousness, so I apologize for anything you may find unclear.

May my practice benefit all beings. May all beings be happy!

Last edited by Chi on Wed Dec 11, 2013 12:24 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Hello, I'm Matthew I'm a 33 year old male from wales ( uk) . I am totally new to this. Buddhist beliefs have always made sense to me and I've thought about becoming a buddhist and buddhist practices for some years now . The time is now! I've looked for local meeting places with no avail unfortunately , so any advice / help would be much appreciated. My wife and children all support my decision and this isn't just a New Years resolution, so any advice and/or web pages , books etc would be much appreciated.

My name is Li Ming, or "Stand Bright" in English. I live in the United States. I have been practicing Buddhism for about a year. I am part of a local Sangha in Zen tradition. My goal here is to gain a better understanding of the Dharma and to find more ways to apply Buddhist practices in my life.

My name is Dan. I'm 25 and am born & raised in British Columbia, Canada. I've been actively practicing Buddhism in various forms for about 3 years now.

I grew up in a Christian (Baptist) family, but began to lose faith around 16 years old. While in university, I dabbled in radical politics and the atheist crowd, but after I completed my degree in Sociology, I come to the realization that social change always happens - the radical politics that I subscribed to never amounted to anything, political systems never stayed the same... seemingly nothing in society could ever be certain, permanent, or reliable. I also grew weary of the constant arguing that came with being in the atheist crowd. Something in me decided to look back at religion to see if I could find more solace there, rather than blaming the outside world for my problems.

I picked up Huston Smith's "The World's Religions" on a whim. Cliche as it may sound, the chapter on Buddhism changed my life!

I was initially drawn to Shin Buddhism (perhaps my Christian upbringing?) and Soto Zen, and practiced the latter for most of my time (as brief as it is) as an "active" Buddhist. However, within the past year of my practice, I've developed doubt towards Zen and have been developing a strong affinity for the teachings of Ajahn Chah, Thanissaro Bhikkhu, Ajahn Brahm, and Bhante G. Visiting Thailand in 2012 also helped push me in the direction of the Theravada tradition - the respect for tradition of the Buddha's teachings (vs the borderline iconoclasm found in Zen) is very appealing to me.

Although I don't necessarily believe in a creator god, I am very sympathetic to the beliefs and no longer hold a hard atheistic stance as before. I suppose you'd call me an "agnostic." I have a soft spot for Christian contemplatives like Thomas Merton and Sufi writings.

Born and raised in Sri Lanka where there are Theravada Templese almost in every corner of the country but it is when I moved to Belgium that I came to know what Buddhism is really about and how profound and perpetual the teachings of the Buddha is. Being brought up in a Christian environment, I consider my self lucky to have had the wisdom to see and realize the four noble truths and the Noble eightfold path. A devoted Buddhist, thrying ever so hard to walk the path to reach the land where there is no more births..

On the other hand, a mom to two wonderful sons, a wife to a wonderful husband and at the moment, try hard to start my own small business - An ethically and socially responsible, slow fashion clothing line.

Iooking forward to learn more about Buddhism and also to meeting long lasting friends

My name is Martin Frank, I'm 63 years old, gay, working in our small real estate business. I don't work much. I'm very slow.

I began to read Lord Buddhas Discourses when I was 19 and soon remembered that this is what it all is about and what I had come for.

I tried to ordain as a Theravada monk and became a samanera in the Thai Monastery in Budh Gaya. I had two wonderful teachers and learnt to meditate and was taught Abhidhammattha Sangaha. Not knowing Thai ways, I didn't feel comfortable with the monastic organization and left.

I met two wonderful friends with whom I'm staying now for more than forty years. We live in a house we built together. Our household is three old guys, one kid, two dogs.

I wrote a gay bestseller and had my five minutes of fame about 1981.

I traveled in India and spent much time in Thailand and with Thais. I stayed as a temporary monk in a South Thailand monastery and was happiest there. I plan to go back.

I play (badly) piano and guitar. Learning to play an instrument is a good way for me to keep from wasting time surfing the Internet. I read Henri-Ferdinand Amiel's Journal Intime.

I adopted a son from India, got another from Africa. They are both married adults now. We get along extremely well. I have four grandchildren, all boys.

What else? Since I was 19 I have unshaken faith that Lord Buddha has shown us the way. I'd like to die as a monk and have a Thai funeral.

Started off with Hatha yoga, circa 1964, discovered Theravada chatting to strangers in a pub. Found my way to first teacher Kapilavadho, in 1970; at Dhammapadipa, the English Sangha Trust, Hampstead, London, UK. Knowing nothing about it at all, even pronounced it wrong. But got off to an excellent start, standing me in good stead ever since.

Spent 10 years in the Achaan Cha lineage '77 to '89. Next 14 years carried on alone, with mixed results. Finally, 2003, deciding to go to Luang Ta Maha Boowa, Wat Pa Baan Taad, Issan, NE Thailand, before it was too late, LuangTa was 90, and Luang Pow Punya was 80, I was 60.

Having completed ten years here, am contemplating a return to UK. Have no idea what I'll find there, but your Sangha will make an enormous difference. Sharing Dhamma with good friends is the whole of the holy life, it's the only way to continue developing clarity. Am enormously impressed with the candid honesty of these intro posts: there's no hope of development on this path without it.

Being dyslexic and thus not very scholastic, hope to benefit from developing familiarity with the usage of scriptural terminology in its various contexts.
Peterdac

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My name is Siripala Jagodage. I lives in Kadawtha,In Sri Lanka.I am born to a Buddhist parents.Hence I was Buddhist by tradition.The real Buddhism I understand through by reading books and investigation .The books I read were by Francis Story,Ajahan Cha,Ajahan Brahamawanso, S R Goenka jee,Joshp Goldstein,Ekhart Tolle, Depa Matha,Bhante H Gunarathne,Bhante Nauyne Ariyadhamma only to mention few.I offer my sincere gratitude to all of them in opening my Dhamma eyes.

Now I am 67 years old.I started my serious Dhamma study about 20 yrs back.I now fathom the Maha Metta,Karuna,Muditha and Uppeka the Great Loard Gutama Buddha had on humble creatures like us.It is unequal.It is because of Maha Karuna of Sumeda at Great Buddha Deepankara that we were able to tread the path of Nirwana.

I believe that using prevailing Dhamma we can achieve at least the 1sT step of the path within this life time.I wish that all Dhamma wheelers strive for this goal, if not for 2,3 or Final Goal.

My name is Siripala Jagodage. I lives in Kadawtha,In Sri Lanka.I am born to a Buddhist parents.Hence I was Buddhist by tradition.The real Buddhism I understand through by reading books and investigation .The books I read were by Francis Story,Ajahan Cha,Ajahan Brahamawanso, S R Goenka jee,Joshp Goldstein,Ekhart Tolle, Depa Matha,Bhante H Gunarathne,Bhante Nauyne Ariyadhamma only to mention few.I offer my sincere gratitude to all of them in opening my Dhamma eyes.

Now I am 67 years old.I started my serious Dhamma study about 20 yrs back.I now fathom the Maha Metta,Karuna,Muditha and Uppeka the Great Loard Gutama Buddha had on humble creatures like us.It is unequal.It is because of Maha Karuna of Sumeda at Great Buddha Deepankara that we were able to tread the path of Nirwana.

I believe that using prevailing Dhamma we can achieve at least the 1sT step of the path within this life time.I wish that all Dhamma wheelers strive for this goal, if not for 2,3 or Final Goal.

I am 63 years old and understand how you feel. The good thing about being old is that we have the meditation objects "old age", "sickness" and "death" present. When we are young, we believe that we will do great things in the future. Now, that we are old we understand that we have to act now or it will be to late (for this life).