Writer. Maker. Reader.

I Want What I Want When I Want It

Nope, that’s not a four-year-old ranting. That’s me. And that’s how I feel most days. I suspect that you do, too, even if you are better at controlling the urge.

Truth is, I’ve been wanting to move out to our farm for the longest time. I want to raise pigs and chickens. Maybe a goat or two. I want to dodge the cactus and bull snakes on the way to the garden each morning. I want this kind of hard work in my life.

What’s stopping me?

Selling this darn house.

Seems like each step of this farm business has been one of pain and frustration.

First there was finding the land. We looked for two years.

Then there was getting the land. It took 11 months to secure this land from the time we decided on the plot to the time we were able to move our camper on it.

And since then? Another 11 months. Oh, it’s true that we’ve made some progress. We’ve brought down a two-story building that had collapsed and built, in its place, a nice tool shed and spare room. We’ve cleared trees, brought in some electricity and water, and done a lot of cleanup. These haven’t been empty months but it sure feels like little has been accomplished.

We put the house up for sale back in April, thinking it would sell over the summer and we’d move. Sure, four of us would be squeezed into a tiny camper and the tool shed/spare room but the hardship would be part of the adventure.

Instead, we’ve had the easy life of being in our nice house in the city waiting. Waiting and cleaning and showing the house multiple times to folks who haven’t wanted our little house.

Yes, I’ve tried to think of justifications for all this to help me from being so discouraged:

1. the housing market is terrible

2. we haven’t found the right buyer, someone who will love this home like we have

3. there is much left for me to learn about farming

4. it’s just not the right time

5. my son could graduate from his current high school instead of moving for his last year

6. I can save more money to help with the farm

7. there’s so much more infrastructure we can put into place on the farm

8. the weather was terrible for living outdoors this summer

and on, and on, and on.

These justifications help a little in the short term but the truth is, I want what I want when I want it. I really want to move to the farm NOW. I know it’s going to be hard, especially living on top of each other in a camper. I know that could go on for a while as we save money for a house. But I’m ready. I know I’m ready.

Do you ever feel this way? Like your dreams are stalled out? You can see the finish line but you just can’t quite make it there?