Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Way too Soon!

I set out to go to the college yesterday. It is only a few blocks. But for someone who has no feeling in their lower legs and feet, you have to concentrate hard to walk. After I started down the road, I realized the heat was a bit too much for me still. No humidity, but direct sunlight was not a good thing.

Made it to the semi circle in front of the college and rested under the trees for awhile. Felt like I was 100 years old as I watched those kids heading to class. The chiming of the hour was a soothing memory reminder. After awhile I headed to the new library on campus. Had to go to the help desk downstairs to get an ID for Alumni and a student walked me down there. She asked me every question under the sun. Gosh, was I ever that naive??? I wanted to stop her and say, "Listen kid, enjoy this happy time of your life, bright and full of hope. When you leave here and life grabs ahold of you. It will beat everything out of you." Since I hadn't received my ID card yet, I didn't think it was a good idea to say those things. I left her intact, innocent from the world.

I walked through the library, sat in the big plush chairs reading a Writer's Digest, rested a long while and left. Dropped by the dollar store to pick up some things and went by the chinese restaurant to pick up dinner. By then I was way past the point of wondering if I could make it back. But I had to push on. So I crossed the road again and sat back in the semi circle under the trees to rest again. It was so hot (but no humidity). Two college kids found a new way to "hang out" together. Amazing. We got into trouble for climbing trees, but they can have hammocks??

Well so many other things have changed. They can wear shorts after 4:00. For us, it was wearing pants after dinner. I liked our rules better. Of course, I walked into that library today wearing shorts! It has been a long time coming!I headed home praying God would give me strength to make it home. Stopping along the way was not an option anymore. No more benches. By the time I reached my driveway, I could barely breathe. I dropped my bags on the porch and landed in the rocking chair. I was so hot, in so much pain, couldn't breathe. Not a smart thing to do!! I learned the hard way - It is STILL too hot for me to go out in this weather, too far for me to walk across town, my body is still too weak to handle a great deal, and I have to stop. After resting for a few hours, I started moving those moving boxes to the end of the driveway for recycle to pick up on Wednesday. It was a large stack. People passing by me, but no one offering to help. Broke my heart. Where is the Wilmore love and kindness? By the time I moved the last stack, I sat in the rocker and cried. I had finally reached the end of my breath, the end of my soul, the end of my hope for the day.