The Audacity of Dreaming

I

'm embarrassed to admit something. Publicly. So out there and uncovered. But I'll say it because there isn't a reason to hide and I figure there may be people who feel like me. Maybe. So here is it goes...

There were (okay...okay...there are) days when the only thing I want to be is Artistic. Yes, a captital letter because it's a noun in my mind; a person, a place, a thing. Artistic in a way that I can look at my images and think I made some impression, left some dent, in the art world. There are times when I find someone else's images and they leave me breathless in a swimming-at-the-bottom-of-a-pool kind of way. Deep, aching breaths. And I know I'm no where near that level of oxygen deprivation.

There are moments I battle with myself because I don't know if I'll ever have that thing in me. That thing that feels like black-rimmed glasses, clove cigarettes, and oil splatters on a canvas. The thing that tastes like duck pâté and whiskey.

But then. And this is a pretty big BUT. But then I'm reminded (usually by JD) that talent is nothing without ambition...and the smallest bit of talent can be carried on the wings of sheer desire and hard work. Sure, it's not as glamorous as leaving someone breathless, but it's enough to make people happy. And the satisfaction of happiness is the salve I pour on my insecurity, making me stronger in the process.

I'll continue to work so one day I might feel like the noun I aspire to, but until then I am content sipping on a cocktail of ambition, drive, and the audacity of dreams.

Tye Harris - Holy mackerel, that "talent is nothing without ambition...and the smallest bit of talent can be carried on the wings of sheer desire and hard work" is probably the most poignant thing I've read in a long time and really hits home with something I've been struggling with lately. Thank you Jasmine, and JD for reminding me :) (Also, I'm lucky to have my own JD at home who tells me these kind of things too!) 08.31.12 - 8:02am

Julia - Right there with ya. I could use my own JD if you've got a spare one around... 08.27.12 - 11:01am

mixedmolly - I feel like this too sometimes. I love JD's common sense words. And I think artist's evolve creatively, and evolution can't happen unless you are out there creating. So keep creating because you inspired me to photograph my first wedding ever, and I had the courage to post it today. Yikes! That seems crazy to me!! 08.24.12 - 8:35am

Judith Rivers-Moore - It is the learning we do along the way, understanding there will always be something new that changes our actions and growth. As an author and wedding coach, life would not be the same without progressive and generous photographers as I write e-books and add to our website. Thank you all. 08.24.12 - 6:40am

Paula - Jasmine, the first thing that comes to mind is that you are making a dent.. an impression..
As somebody who inspires to be as good as you, you have altered the life of me and I know that you have positively altered the life of countless others through your ability to capture the love of a couple.. it will be those images that will stay with them long after the highs of a wedding day pass... it will remind them why their relationships are worth working hard for and that dear Jasmine is a gift...
So be Artistic, shoot for the moon and land amongst the stars.. but never, ever underestimate the power of what you do, right now.
Sending a big aussie cuddle to you from here to there.
Much love x 08.24.12 - 3:46am

Mikaela - I'll have what you're having ;) But coming from a bride of yours, I know you're Artistic and I know that your photos have the ability to make people breathless. 08.23.12 - 9:58pm

Karl Stelter - I too am a firm believer in molding yourself into the person you want to be - and that the journey there is worth so much more than the result. I think your work is phenomenal, and the personal touch that you give each shot is quite apparent (when I can see a shot and recognize it as yours without the credits there is something different about it!).
I think the real beauty of Art is that no matter who you are, or how far along your path you've come, you'll always have a vision that is better and stronger than the last - and the journey to realizing that vision I believe is not ever meant to be complete.
It's simply there for those brave enough to challenge themselves every day. 08.23.12 - 6:42pm

Miriam Medina - Your work has left me breathless and feeling what you just expressed! Then, I remind myself that by practicing and aspiring for more will get me there! Thank you for being REAL and INSPIRING!!! 08.23.12 - 6:08pm

rich - your work - is an art and what you produce for your clients is an art. there are so many people who look at your images and think the same thing! 08.23.12 - 10:19am

Natalie - If just a pretty face do not make you a rock star, then being just an artist doesn't make you a business women. And you are BOTH and Artist and a Business Women (with capital letters)....and you ROCK! 08.23.12 - 3:07am

Camilla jørvad - this is SO 'funny'. just last week I was skyping with one of the photographers in my wonderful network of danish wedding professionals - whose work actually that day made me cry because it was just SO beautiful (:http://blog.amandathomsen.com/2012/07/thomas-majbritts-wedding/ ) and artistic and emotional and and and. It made me feel SO inadequate, so talentless, empty and superficial, and that I'm just shooting 'pretty' pictures. I felt like giving up. I don't think we can ever look at our own images the way we see others'. Because to us our own work will always be normal, the 'standard' because that is what we look at every day, all day... 08.23.12 - 2:08am

Astrid Baloun - What may be funny is that I look at you, your blog, The Fix, your magazine, The Store ....and dream that some day I will get what it takes to be a successful woman...its what I went to school for, its what I think of every night, how I spend time I dont have...to be successful at something I enjoy and have the freedom to pursue it. But it's that aspiration that makes us long for something better in us and not to settle for less. Thanks for posting this! 08.22.12 - 11:19pm

aurea - You are an artist Jasmine. My week is not complete without reading your writings. What you often right are the expression of what's in my mind that I find somewhat difficult to put into words. You are an inspiration! 08.22.12 - 8:44pm

Christa - I felt that EXACT feeling this week when I looked at another photog who also illustrates...how my work is somehow simply ordinary. Maybe...someday I'll be the artist that I envision in my head too :) 08.22.12 - 8:02pm

Sydni Jackson - don't forget that all your worth is found in Jesus Christ's love for you and sacrifice on the cross. place your hopes and dreams in Him, and He will give you desires of your heart. 08.22.12 - 7:00pm

Stephanie - I've always wondered if being Artsy is a legitimate life goal. Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one. 08.22.12 - 4:08pm

Ashley Goodwin - PS: I THINK YOU ARE ARTISTIC! Forgot to say that one. But I mean it. You come up with great outfit combos! 08.22.12 - 4:04pm

Jennifer Rice - So many times, I see that artist that started close to the time that I did (doesn't have 25yrs experience like I try to tell myself) and I see how, just somehow, they've mastered something I haven't. I can't seem to place it, believe me, I've tried. I want that something. I want it so badly that my chest aches and my heart threatens to claw it's way out. I want SO badly to be at a place that I know I'm not at yet. A place that makes people swoon, LITERALLY, I want them to pass out and drop because they held their breath for so long, when they see my work. At times like this, I have to remind myself that some day, some day.... with hard work and determination, I can learn more, try more and continue to grow. Thank you for sharing that I am not alone in this. Your work is one of those that gives me chest pains my dear. It's shocking yet beautifully precious to know you feel the same way I do. *hugs* 08.22.12 - 2:17pm

Hannah - You are truly an inspiration Jasmine! 08.22.12 - 2:04pm

Stephanie Stewart - I totally and completely understand! Please know that you are an Artist, one who has paved your own way and encourages me and so many others to do the same. And for that I am so grateful! But today as I read this, I especially feel what you are saying...my days feel numbered as I await my first little baby, who is expected in just under a month, and I am feeling so un-creative right now, yet it is what I want so badly, just one more burst of creative freedom before I'm consumed with a precious little guy! Sorry to ramble...back to my initial point, you ARE an Artist...this may just be the calm before the next creative storm! xo 08.22.12 - 2:01pm

Ashley Goodwin - I hear you girlfriend. Jose Villa & Jerry Yoon always make me want to quit LIFE and keep serving up brewskies, but then I remember talent is nothing without practice and exactly what you said, the AMBITION to take it somewhere.
YOU are artistic and inspire ME! So, that counts for something, right? Right. 08.22.12 - 1:14pm

Christy - Exactly how I feel, said so much more eloquently than I ever could.
Thank you! 08.22.12 - 11:34am

Jenny K - Love you Jasmine <3 you are so inspiring. When every I feel lost, I come here and find a little bit of courage to keep on going. Thanks :) 08.22.12 - 11:32am

Shan - Jasmine, your work has made a huge impression on me, I am new to the photography world and I had no clue of the type of photography I wanted to persue until I ran across your blog. I've been hooked every since and every time I look at your images they leave me breathless in a swimming-at-the-bottom-of-a-pool kind of way. Deep, aching breaths and I only aspire to be as fabulous as you one day! :)
08.22.12 - 11:24am

Tanya A - And yet, part of why I follow your work is because of the Artistry of your images. Just a reminder that we are all our own harshest critics sometimes. I love your work and how you see. :) 08.22.12 - 11:07am

Kelly Sauer - You audacious thing, you. I love you. And I know you're gonna keep working toward it, keep growing. You're pretty much gonna own the world, because you're already Artistic. It starts in the heart, and the rest of it - it comes through the work you're already doing. I can't wait to see what you do, girl. Can't. Wait. 08.22.12 - 11:05am

Jessica Vidmar Photography - Jasmine, you are Artistic. There are like a thousand + people trying to capture moments in peoples' lives with a similar Artistic eye as yours so they can take breath away too just like you. But I know what you mean - perhaps it is the curse of the Artist - always trying to make his/her work bigger, better, in a word: perfect. Thanks as always for sharing : ) 08.22.12 - 10:58am

Jen R - only the other day I was day dreaming about taking stunning pictures. I guess it help us to aspire to get better. 08.22.12 - 10:51am

John Parisi - Your writing always impresses me but this little "story" is how I have lived my life. I posted it on my page so that my non photography friends can also share your wisdom. JD is a very lucky man. 08.22.12 - 10:47am

Antonia Chick - Beautifully put Jasmine. You have a brilliant way of saying things ... of illustrating your thoughts ... there is true art in that! 08.22.12 - 10:44am

Kim Lowery - Dude. For real. You know me. That's so good to hear. More than you know. Thank you. 08.22.12 - 10:37am

Jolene - Oh! And I feel exactly the same way you do BTW. I wish I was more artistic and creative and wish I could capture images like you do... LOL! 08.22.12 - 10:33am

Jolene - Your images are beautiful and they capture exactly what is needed to be captured. That is what makes you an incredibly successful photographer. What makes you an artist is your joy , passion and humility. You may not capture images the way you would like sometimes, but you inspire others to challenge themselves and not to give up on their dreams. You, all by yourself, are a splatter of paint on canvas that inspires the rest of us to dare to do something fantastic with our lives. I read an article on a blog recently that listed the ways to be unhappy and one of the points was to compare yourself to others. If you want to make those images, make time to use photography to express yourself the same way you do with words, because you don't seem to have any problems with that. One way or the other, don't worry about comparing your work to someone else's, you are incredibly talented just the way you are. (Check out the children's book "Spoon" it will make you smile and love being you.) Thanks for sharing your insecurities with us. 08.22.12 - 10:31am

Shari Hanson - Jasmine, you have such a beautiful way with words. That in and of itself is ART in my opinion... tied with your photography DOES leave an impact. I too feel this way OFTEN and absolutely love the way you described these emotions that all of us Artists feel. xoxo much love you! 08.22.12 - 10:27am

Kellye Uhles - I feel that way when I see your work! But you have inspired me to try even harder to achieve my dreams! 08.22.12 - 10:27am

Jamie - Jasmine, your ability to write is such an art! Obviously your photography is beautiful and lovely but I think your paint brush really flows so freely when you pen your words. I love reading what you write and I think that you have already achieved that artistic expression that you crave- in a different way than what may be expected in the photography world, but your gift is moving and beautiful! how's that for a run on sentence!? ;) thank you for sharing. :) 08.22.12 - 10:10am

katy - I feel the same way most days... thanks for the reminder that we all have those days. 08.22.12 - 10:09am

Nathalie Boucry - This is so open, honest - and sooo relevant! Thank you so much for sharing this. You have spelled out what so many of us think, feel and battle with but nobody dares to admit - ever! 08.22.12 - 10:07am

christine - I felt this all the time when I was a waitress - the stinging discontent with the person I was versus the person I wanted to be. I thought as I worked towards my dreams and actually became a Professional Photographer this feeling of discontent would go away. Now it's a constant striving to be better, more artistic, creative... the person I wish I were. I'm so relieved to hear I am not alone. I'm positive (or hope at least) that this feeling will always push us to grow, learn and improve and that it's a good thing. 08.22.12 - 10:06am

Amber Katrina - Yes! Just yes. Like always, you captured my feelings and emotions in this post. I struggle with feeling Artistic (with a capital A). Sometimes I doubt myself, and that's when I know I need to stop looking at others' work and focus on what inspires me. 08.22.12 - 10:00am

Dave Keys - I think you may have more of "duck pate' and whiskey" artist in you than you realize. In business, we are often blind to many of our own strengths because we tend to think that "everyone knows or has that." You compare yourself to those you consider better than yourself but this is the first time I realized that you regarded your artistic nature as lacking or diminished. I don't think that's the case but rather, it's more like people with body image issues- they see what they see despite evidence to the contrary. Your Artist, I believe, is alive and well. 08.22.12 - 10:00am

Glitter bird Tammy - I love this post. Get outta my head sister!!! I feel this way so often. But still I press on. Onward at 3am, onward year after year. And you are right..... There is solace I knowing my images are making people happy and slowly discovering my art in the process. :) nice to hear I am not alone with these feelings and fears. 08.22.12 - 9:57am

Cassandra Wenze-Martin - I wish I could acquire a quarter of your talent. I would say your the "Artisitic" I strive to be. 08.22.12 - 9:55am

Taylor Whitham - This is so perfectly said, Jasmine. It is even more comforting hearing this coming from YOU. You make beautiful art with each shutter click. Right on, girl. 08.22.12 - 9:55am

Steph S - Jasmine, not only do I find your photography inspirational, I find your writing honest and eloquent. You write what many of us feel. 08.22.12 - 9:53am

Michel - I like the word salve. Your images HAVE left be breathless... just saying. 08.22.12 - 9:42am

Alex Sablan - Life of the artist is a tortured existence. Some days you create and look at your work and scream to the world, "YES!!" Then the next day you look at the same piece and go "Why am I such a hack?" There comes a time in every artists journey where they finally accept the rollercoaster of emotion and just put it out there, and this is what makes art fulfilling. It is the days that you get punched in the gut to feel the agony of failure that makes the soothing hand of success feel so much better. 08.22.12 - 9:29am

Leia Smethurst - Jasmine- all I can say is DITTO. We all feel that way. I strive with every session to have that one photograph that screams "holy smokes!!! I got THAT??" I know with time and practice I will get there, but once again its nice to hear that someone so far up the ladder still has insecurities. My husband is my cheerleader too- what would we do without them?! 08.22.12 - 9:26am

corey - J* if anyone has a way with words your indeed at the top of the list love your inspiration.. one day.. at a time just one day I hope to live out my dreams full time shooting and recording moments in life for myself and clients. 08.22.12 - 9:26am

Lindsey Laughlin - I'm pretty sure you and I were seperated at birth. I feel that way most every day as I sit here in my corporate job in my corporate cube day dreaming about creating something wonderful. (Instead of all the static that I produce every 9-5)
I have a post it up at my desk with a quote by Helen Keller that says, "Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence."
Thanks for making me feel like you and I are friends even though we have never met. :) 08.22.12 - 9:22am

Sharon - aw j*! i just want to say that your photos DO leave me breathless and i look at our wedding & engagement photos allllllll the time. as a photographer i totally understand how you feel about your own work...but i just have to tell you that i LOVE your work! :) xoxo 08.22.12 - 9:21am

Melissa Yocum - This is definitely where I am. I know who I am and what I can do, and sometimes I panic that I won't be able to be what I dream of, what I aspire to be. I have to remember not to frame myself in to tightly and to allow myself to . Thanks for posting so vulnerably for those of us who might relate. 08.22.12 - 9:20am

Claudia - Oh.. Jasmine, that husband of yours :) is such gem. His words are so quotable. I love and It's so true when he says that talent is nothing without ambition.
It's so good to be reminded of this sometimes...
Claudia 08.22.12 - 9:20am

Valerie Logan - Thank you....I needed to read this...this morning. I was just sitting here...feeling...well far less than perfect. Contemplating whether my dreams are worth it. Worth worrying about am I good enough...every second of the day. Will I ever get to where I want to be? And as I heard a brilliant woman once say..."God can't drive a parked car" So I suppose I'll just keep on trucking....... 08.22.12 - 9:20am

susieq3c - Holy cow. Have you been reading my mind??? Thank you for your transparency. I have had these thoughts many, many, many times. Knowing that it's not just a battle I fight that no one else understands is a HUGE comfort! 08.22.12 - 9:19am

Racheal Ortiz - So nice to read that someone who has achieved your level of success still has doubts. Lately I've been feeling like I'll never reach that light inside myself that can create amazing images. Or that one day I might lose it. But I think we should keep reminding ourselves that no one can see the world the way that we can and that is our unique gift. Keep shooting with your soul and everything else will fall in line! 08.22.12 - 9:17am

Staci Noel - JD is right as rain! As Sue Bryce recently reminded everyone in her creative live workshop - "Talent helps, but it won’t take you as far as ambition. Everybody wants to be good, but not many are prepared to make the sacrifices it takes to be great." - Paul Arden 08.22.12 - 9:17am

Caroline Ross - PLEASE tell me you're going to write a book one day! I love your writing, its so vusual and grasp-able. 08.22.12 - 9:16am

Tanja Olson - Great post, Jasmine! Thanks for sharing those private feelings so that we can all aspire to our dreams. Without dreams there would be no goals, no inspiration, no ambition. Thanks for saying the hard stuff. The awareness that others struggle with the same thing allows me to acknowledge my own dreams. 08.22.12 - 9:14am

Mikayla - Completely relate to this feeling - Honestly - your images DO leave ME breathless and I feel myself wishing I had your talent and ability, but like you said - it is all about dreaming and moving forward. We will all get to where we want to be... One day! ? 08.22.12 - 9:14am

Karen - thanks! you've put into words how I feel :>) fyi, breathtaking is how I see your photos. :>)
08.22.12 - 9:00am

ashley barnett - I FEEL you Jasmine! I struggle with this more often than I'd like to admit. Sure, my images are good, and they are pretty, and they make our couples happy. That's all fine and good but sometimes I just want to create for the sake of creating, something so pretty and interesting that it makes people stop and sigh. But you have to remind yourself (as I've been reminded), that you ARE an artist, even if it's not in the capacity you think.... 08.22.12 - 8:36am

Lindsey McClennahan - :) this made me tear up a bit. I feel the same way, I get so caught up in equiptment and business that I feel like I'm loosing the girl who first picked up the camera. Thank you for posting this. 08.22.12 - 8:29am

Monica Smith - Jasmine;
God gives us the ability to dream. Pursuing the dream to be an Artist brings Him delight as it honors Him. Being made in the image and likeness of the Creator means we are made to create moments, art, actions and words that leave others breathless. If you want to be an Artist, then be one. Do the work that makes your soul sing and trust that the end results will leave someone breathless. 08.22.12 - 7:59am

Brandi - Your work is inspiring to me in that way. And so is your honesty! It's good to know everyone has their own doubts and demons, but, seriously...you are an Artist. Truly. 08.22.12 - 7:58am

Susan Evans - Oh but you already are Artistic! Light and shadow, leading and converging lines, use of shapes to frame your subject, negative space - that is the stuff of art and I see all of it in the first few pages of blog posts. I know exactly what you mean by that take your breath away feeling, but you should know that many of us aspire to be as Artistic as you are! 08.22.12 - 7:56am

Alicia - You are Artistic in so very many ways. I don't know that we, as artists, can ever really feel that way about our own work. And I'm not sure that I want to. If I'm ever satisfied with my work then I'm scared I'll stop growing and my creativity will cease. But know that no matter how you see your work, you do in fact leave others breathless with that exact feeling you write of. You've left me breathless on many accounts not only with your beautiful photographs but also with your words. 08.22.12 - 7:40am