George and his friend Frank were almost home from school one day when a
pirate ship suddenly came up beside him. Before he could do anything three
huge pirates wearing golden earrings and striped shirts jumped overboard,
grabbed him by the arms and one leg, and hauled him onto the ship. When they
had tied him up in the galley, which smelled strongly of potatoes, the ship
quickly sailed back out to the high seas. Frank stared after them wishing he
could have gone along too.

After some time the pirate captain came into the galley and stopped in
amazement when he saw George sitting in front of him. “Argh,” he said, “are
you the boy I had them fetch for me? I thought they would have gotten me a
larger lad.”

But because the pirates had stuffed a potato in his mouth George could not
answer. He didn’t nod or shake his head either since he didn’t know what he
had been fetched for.

The pirate captain stomped over to where George was tied, his wooden leg
thumping loudly on the floor and knocking countless potatoes out of his
path. “Argh, argh! Rotten potatoes, they’re everywhere.” And taking the
potato from George’s mouth asked him if he was the boy that had been fetched
once again.

George said: “I don’t know, mister pirate captain sir," (for he had been
taught, and learned the lesson well, that children give adults, even pirate
ones, proper
respect) "I am a boy and they did fetch me, but I don’t know if I’m the boy
you wanted fetched or if you wanted my friend Frank fetched. I am the second
biggest boy in my class.”

“Frank or Fred, George or Donald, I don’t care for your name, boy, I just
wanted a boy. I need a boy. Argh! What am I going to do?” The pirate growled
then sat down dejectedly on the stool next to George’s. He began to cry
great big tears that only a very sad and dejected pirate could cry.

George felt sorry for the pirate and asked him what the problem was. “It’s
these potatoes, lad. Argh, they’re everywhere. Underfoot, in my bed, I can’t
even fire the cannons, they’re so full of potatoes. No ship stops for a
pirate that shoots potatoes at it, it just goes on sailing and laughs at us
all the while. Argh and I’m a poor pirate for these potatoes.” George looked
around and noticed that, just as the captain had said, there were potatoes
everywhere. Big potatoes and small potatoes. Red, green, and yellow
potatoes. They rolled on the deck and swung from the masts, they were
everywhere it was possible for a potato to be and some places where potatoes
should never be. George had an idea.

“Excuse me, mister pirate, I might have an idea,” said George with a smile.
When the pirate captain was able to stop crying and looked over at George he
continued: “What if I help you to get rid of the potatoes, will you take me
back home?” The pirate captain nodded slowly, still sniffling a little.
“Then untie me,” said George “and I’ll get right to work. I’ll need three
pirates to help me.” The pirate captain got up, a great smile beginning to
come to his face, and stomped out of the galley. A moment later he returned
with the very same pirates that had kidnapped him in the first place. He had
dragged them by their ears into the galley and right up to George.

“Apologize to this fine lad and give him all the help he needs or I’ll send
you back with him to go to school and you’ll be pirates no more.” And with a
final, triumphant “ARGH!” he left the room to do whatever pirate captains do
when they are not talking to tied up boys in galleys.

The three pirates fell to the floor in front of George apologizing so hard
that he laughed out loud. When they saw that he wasn’t mad at them they got
up and quickly untied him. “Now,” he said “we need to start cooking.” In a
great hurry the three pirates stormed about the galley collecting pots,
pans, bowls, and tins of chocolate pudding. They set everything in a neat
row in the middle of the longest table stood smiling at George hoping that
he would be happy with their work.

“What is the pudding for?” George asked in surprise.

“We always eat pudding,” said the roughest looking pirate, “it’s all we have
to eat on this here pirate ship.”

George smiled.

Hours went by as George taught the three helper pirates all he knew about
potatoes. He was very glad that he had listened when he was helping his
mother and father in their kitchen. The three helper pirates were very good
helpers and even better listeners and soon the four of them had a meal
cooked up that included a great deal of potato and not one speck of pudding.
As the wonderful smell of something cooking that was not pudding drifted
throughout the pirate ship George and his three helper pirates were often
surprised by other pirates poking their heads in the galley and asking what
was up. George would merely smile and nod and send them off to do what ever
it was that pirates did between chasing ships. At last supper time came and
supper cannon was fired to let all the pirates on the pirate ship know it
was time to eat. As the last one entered the galley the potato that had been
in the supper cannon landed with a large splash far out to sea.

George was a hero. The pirates loved the supper he had prepared and there
were noticeably fewer potatoes around. (Though he was warned that he would
never be able to get rid of all the potatoes, they seemed to grow
overnight.) Nobody even minded that there was no pudding. The pirate captain
came to George just before bedtime, he had made a bed in the galley as there
was no room anywhere else on the pirate ship, and said “Argh, matey, you’ve
done a fine job, a fine job of it indeed. Just a few more days of this and
there’ll be no potatoes within an ocean of my pirate ship. Argh and you’re a
fine lad, I knew it the moment I laid eyes on you.” And thumping out of the
galley on his wooden leg he left George to his sleep.

The next day came and, just as the pirates had told him, George discovered
even more potatoes on the pirate ship. He came to the pirate captain after a
breakfast of potato-puffs-in-cold-salt-water and said “I need three more
helpers today, mister pirate, there seem to be more potatoes than before.”

“Argh!” The pirate captain replied, “There always be in the morning. Three
more helper pirates, eh? Argh, well, it can’t be helped.”

So the pirate captain gave George six helper pirates instead of just three
and the seven of them worked hard all day emptying the galley of potatoes.
Each meal that day was potato hash garnished with potato mash and salt water
gravy on the side. No one complained for they all felt that potatoes were so
much better than pudding and it was getting easier to walk the deck with the
potatoes being eaten up like they were.

Again that night the pirate captain came to George’s bed and again he said
“Argh, matey, you’ve done a fine job, a fine job of it indeed. Just a few
more days of this and there’ll be no potatoes within an ocean of my pirate
ship. Argh and you’re a fine lad, I knew it the moment I laid eyes on you.”
And thumping out of the galley on his wooden leg he left George to his
sleep.

The next day came and again George discovered that potatoes had filled all
the empty spaces on the pirate ship. After a breakfast of potato flakes with
sweet potato sugar George went again to the pirate captain. “Excuse me,
mister pirate,” he said, “but I will need three more helper pirates today
since there are even more potatoes than yesterday.” The pirate captain
agreed and soon the ten of them were working busily away in the galley
serving potatoes to all who came.

Day followed day and brought weeks along with them to meet the months that
soon passed by and each night the pirate captain would say “Argh, matey,
you’ve done a fine job, a fine job of it indeed. Just a few more days of
this and there’ll be no potatoes within an ocean of my pirate ship. Argh and
you’re a fine lad, I knew it the moment I laid eyes on you.”

Each morning George would wake up to find even more potatoes on the pirate
ship and would go to the captain and ask for three more helper pirates and
together George and his helper pirates would prepare glorious meals for all
the hungry pirates. After several months rolled by George was a little bored
and began to look forward to going back to school. He didn’t know what to do
though since he had promised the pirate captain that he would get rid of all
the potatoes and yet, no matter how hard he worked, the potatoes never went.
So one day, when every pirate on the pirate ship was in the galley
scrubbing, peeling, boiling, mashing and eating potatoes, George went
quietly into the belly of the pirate ship and began to look around. He
didn’t know what he was looking for, maybe an answer to the question “How do
all these potatoes get here?” Maybe and then again, maybe not. At any rate,
he came to part of the pirate ship he had never seen before. He was standing
at the top of a stairway in front of which there was a huge black sign.
Painted on it in bright red letters were the words “Don’t go down these
steps!”

George went down the steps.

At the bottom of the steps was a door with a huge black sign. Painted on it
in bright red letters were the words “Don’t even try to open this door.”

George tried to open the door.

The door opened. On the other side of the door was a wall with a small peg
in it. Beside the peg was a huge black sign. Painted on it in bright red
letters were the words “Don’t even think about pulling this peg out of the
wall.”

George thought about pulling the peg out of the wall.

Suddenly the peg fell out of the wall and landed at George’s feet. He was
just about to pick it up when he heard the pirate captain’s voice yell out
“Argh! All hands abandon ship. Argh, she’s going down.” And before he could
even think about putting the peg back into the wall the ship broke in half
right in front of him, the floor beneath him rose high into the sky and sent
George sailing even higher. Looking down he saw all the pirates floating on
pieces of the pirate ship and being pulled to a nearby island by other
pirates who were swimming. And he came down with a huge splash right in the
middle of them all. The pirates who were swimming couldn’t really swim and
soon all the pirates, swimmers and floaters together, were simply going
around and around in circles. George quickly started tying the pirates
together with some rope he had found and swimming to the island he began to
pull them ashore.

After they had discovered that every pirate was safe and they all had their
wooden legs drying in the sun George made a fantastic discovery: The island
was covered with turnips. There were hundreds, thousands, millions of them
and not one of them tasted anything like potatoes or pudding.

After the ship was put back together it was noticed with great and
overwhelming joy that all the potatoes, every single last one of them, had
floated away. So the pirate captain (for he had been taught, and learned the
lesson well, that adults, even pirate ones, give children proper respect and
keep their bargains) gathered George and all the pirates aboard the ship and
sailed across the sea to where they saw Frank, still standing amazed at the
sight of a pirates ship sailing up Main Street to take his best friend away,
all of a sudden become even more amazed to see a pirate ship sailing up Main
Street to bring his best friend back home.