Date: Fri, 28 Apr 2000 15:13:41 EDT
From: Lucas Thompson
Subject: Because I Love You - 7 - 8
Author's Note:
Well here goes nothing. This is my first story for all to read.
Hopefully you'll find it interesting to say the least, and keep up with it.
All of your comments and criticisms are appreciated. Please let me know
what you think of the story.
E-mail me at: rtstories@hotmail.com
My apologies on the lateness of this installment. I originally wanted
to get out chapter seven earlier, but since I had some troubles, and it was
delayed, I decided to post chapter 7 & 8 together (and since I felt really
bad, they're extra long.) Hopefully, I can get back on track, and return to
the usual week and a half between postings.
Legal Disclaimer:
This work is purely fiction. It is purely derived from the mind
of the author and in no way dictates the sexual orientation of any of the
Back Street Boys. Only in my mind do I really believe that they're gay and
in love with me. Any similarities to real life or to someone's life is
purely coincidental. It contains homosexual subject matter. If you're not
into that, why not??? Gay porn/erotica is way hotter than heterosexual
porn!!! Do not read any further if you are under the legal age for viewing
this material in your country, state, province, city, town, suburb, home,
shack, hole in the wall, cardboard box, or van down by the river!!!
End of Chapter Six
Ewan nodded his head, as he pulled on his shirt. He quickly ran into
the bathroom to wet his hair, and quickly brush his teeth. He applied some
deodorant on, and sprayed himself with cologne. He realized that he'd need
these things for his trip, so he ran back into the bedroom and grabbed his
backpack. He ran back to the bathroom, opened it, and slid everything on
the counter into the bag. He looked at himself in the mirror, and decided
that it was the best he could do.
As he was about to run out the door, he looked back to check if he
forgot anything. He looked over to his desk and saw that he left his
computer on from the night before. He had wanted to check his e-mail for
any response from Nick, before he left for New York, but he was quickly
running out of time. Whatever was there, would have to wait until he got to
New York. He ran over to the tower and pushed the power button. The screen
went blank in front of him, and shut off automatically. He made his way out
the door, never looking back.
****************************************************************************
Because I Love You
By: Lucas
Chapter 7
The drive to the airport was uneventful. Jim had been speeding the
whole time, and because it was so early in the morning, Ewan had just made
it on time. He thanked Jim as he rushed into the airport terminal with his
luggage in tow.
Ewan ran to the counter, out of breath, and began speaking to the
Continental Airlines representative.
"Hi...I'm Ewan McGovern...a friend...of mine...said that I
could...pick up my...ticket here."
"Ok, Mr. McGovern. Let me check the computer." The woman said, as
Ewan tried to catch his breath hoping his flight hadn't left yet.
"Oh...you're on Flight 409, and they've already begun boarding. I
need to process your boarding. So, if you'd show me some I.D., I'll do it
right away." She said, as Ewan fished out his driver's license, and gave it
to her.
'Come on...hurry up!!! I can't miss this flight.' Ewan thought to
himself; as he heard the printer behind the counter, print out his boarding
pass. The woman handed the pass to Ewan, and asked if he had any luggage to
check in. He placed his suitcase on the metal weighing scale next to the
counter. After a few keystrokes on the computer, she tagged his luggage,
and directed him to the proper gate. She called out to Ewan as he began to
leave, and told him that she'd call the gate attendant, to inform her of his
arrival.
"Have a nice trip!!!" Was the last thing Ewan heard her say as he ran
towards the terminal.
As soon as he passed through the security checkpoint, Ewan continued
running towards Gate 51. He had never ran so fast in his life. Ewan was
enacting the typical "airport" scene, found only in the movies. He arrived
at the gate as the last of the passengers were boarding the plane. He
handed the gate attendant his boarding pass. A couple engaged in a deep
embrace caught Ewan's eye. He wasn't the last to board the plane, as the
couple were still saying their 'goodbyes,' wondering how they'd survive the
time apart from each other. 'Thank God I'm not attached.' Ewan thought to
himself. He was handed back half of his original boarding pass, and was
sent on his way. Ewan started to calm down, from his unexpected, early
morning run, as he passed through the long tube that led to his plane.
Once the plane was in sight, Ewan extended his hand, and touched the
outer shell of the airplane. Ever since he could remember, Ewan always did
that. He wasn't an overly superstitious person, but thought the act as more
tradition, than superstition. The stewardess smiled as she saw him touch
the plane. Obviously, she was a veteran when it came to people's pre-flight
superstitions. Ewan handed her the stub of his boarding pass.
"Sir, you're in seat 7A. If you'd follow me, I'd be happy to show you
where it is." She said, followed by a hand movement, and a beautifully
white smile, synonymous with the "overly friendly" stereotype given to
stewardesses.
'She's pretty. It's a crime for her to be so happy this early in the
morning though.' Ewan thought to himself as he followed her. 'That's
strange,' he continued to think to himself. 'I've never been shown to my
seat before. I like this airline.' It was then he realized she was leading
him past the infamous curtain barrier, into First Class.
"Here you go sir, seat 7A. Enjoy your flight. My name is Jillian,
I'll be you're flight attendant in first class. If you need anything, just
let me know." She said smiling once again.
"Thank You, Jillian. I'll remember that." Ewan said, as he reached
up to place his carry-on bag in the overhead bin. He couldn't help but feel
flattered at Jillian's friendliness. 'I wonder if she was flirting with
me.' He thought to himself, but shrugged off the thought, thinking it was
just part of her job. He slid into the row of seats, excusing himself as he
passed by the man sitting in the aisle seat. Ewan sat down, next to the
window and relaxed, finally not having to rush.
'Damn, Brian. First class, a window seat, and a friendly stewardess?
I'll have to thank you later.' Ewan said to himself, as he settled in for
the flight.
"She was the same way to me." Ewan heard his companion say to him.
"Huh?"
"Jillian. She was the same way with me. She's not flirting...it's
just her job." He said to Ewan.
"Oh. That's cool. I didn't think she'd be flirting with me anyway."
Ewan responded.
"Good. I'm Dave, by the way."
"Ewan."
"You go to the University?" Dave asked.
"Yeah. How'd ya know?" Ewan questioned in return.
"From your sweatshirt." He answered. "I'm an F.B.I. agent. It's my
job to notice these things."
"Oh. Cool." Ewan said, hoping that the conversation would end. He
planned on sleeping during the flight, but from the looks of his companion,
it would be impossible.
"You know, I dated a stewardess once. That's how I know so much about
them." Dave continued.
"Really?" Ewan said attempting to show interest.
"Yeah. She was always really friendly. I thought it was good at
first, but she always seemed a bit too friendly with everyone. It was so
bad, that it caused a lot of our fights..." Dave continued to recount his
story, while Ewan listened.
*******
Nick walked out of the bathroom of his hotel room. He looked over at
the digital clock that sat next to his bed. The bright, red numbers read
7:30 a.m. He silently cursed at it, because he watched it all night long.
For Nick, sleep was out of the question last night. There was a period
where he couldn't remember anything happening. That was probably when he
fell asleep, he thought to himself, but that was only two hours ago. He was
restless all night, wondering what Ewan's reaction was to his e-mail.
During the night, he went over to his laptop to check for a reply, but still
there was none. It was only out of pure exhaustion that he managed to fall
asleep. Even then, it was a listless sleep.
When he awoke, he checked his e-mail once again, but still there was
no reply. Since he knew he wouldn't be able to return to sleep, he decided
to get ready for the day.
After his shower, Nick looked over at his laptop, once again. 'Just
one more time.' Nick thought to himself as he walked over to his laptop,
vainly attempting another check for Ewan's e-mail. After seeing that he had
no new messages, Nick decided to leave the room, to get an early start on
the day. Since it was still early, and he didn't want to wait by himself in
the empty conference room before the meeting, Nick found himself pacing in
the hallway. For some unknown reason, he was drawn to Kevin's door. Nick
stood staring at the empty piece of wood that led into Kevin's room. He
contemplated knocking, and a few times was even able to lift his fist, to
make contact with the door. Nick wasn't sure why he wanted to go see Kevin,
he was just draw to his door.
He thought about what he would say to him, once he was passed the
door. He desperately wanted to talk to someone...anyone. Nick wanted to
release himself from all of the pain he felt. He pulled his hand back, once
again, ready to knock, but stopped just as his hand was about to make
contact with the door. He stared at the white knuckles of his clenched
hand, and let it fall in defeat.
Inside Nick was an emotional time bomb, ready to explode. He could
feel the heat rise from inside his body, to his face. He couldn't do it.
'Not yet.' He thought to himself. Dejected, he walked down the hall,
stopping only once to look back. He pushed the button, calling for the
elevator. Once he was inside, the doors slid shut, taking Nick away.
Only a few seconds passed, when Kevin's door opened. He took a step
outside, and looked down the hall in both directions. Seeing nothing there,
he walked back into his room, and closed the door. Kevin couldn't
understand why he felt this need and open his door to check the hall.
Nothing indicated that there was someone outside of his door waiting to come
in. Still, there was something inside of his being that caused him to walk
to the door. It seemed to call out to him, as if someone needed him. Not
understanding what it was that made him go to the door, Kevin returned to
preparing himself for the day ahead.
*******
"Excuse me, Dave. I just need to get up and stretch for a while."
Ewan said, excusing himself from the ramblings of his seatmate.
Ewan walked back towards the lavatory of the airplane. He looked at
both doors, and saw they were currently occupied. As he waited for the next
person to come out, he turned around and found Jillian, the flight attendant
he met earlier, working in the galley of the airplane.
"Help!!!" Ewan said, as he approached her.
"Excuse me?" She asked, with a confused look on her face, but still
smiling.
"How much longer is this flight?" Ewan asked.
"A few more hours. We only took off forty minutes ago. Is there
something wrong?" She asked with concern.
"Damn." Ewan answered back. "You wouldn't happen to have any
sleeping pills by any chance. Something strong enough that I can maybe slip
it into my seat mate's drink?" Ewan joked.
"Oh, I see. Is Dave bothering you?" Jillian asked, half smiling as
if she knew something Ewan didn't.
"You know him?"
"Yeah, he's usually on this flight. He's a businessman, who sometimes
goes to New York for meetings, but I'm guessing he told you he was someone
else?" Jillian asked, as she returned to stocking a cart with some drinks.
"How'd you know?" Ewan asked. "He told me he was an F.B.I agent, and
then went off on some tangent about how he used to date a stewardess, then
to a story about his dog, then to how he loves opera, oh and then he started
telling me some farfetched story about how he's going to New York on some
covert mission.
"That was when I couldn't take it anymore, and decided to leave."
Ewan told Jillian.
"An F.B.I. agent? That's a new one. I haven't heard that one before.
Usually he's a CEO of an internet company, or a prized dog owner who's
taking his dogs to a show." Jillian said, as she finished stocking her
cart. "The truth is, he's an unhappy businessman, whose wife left him for
another man. He flies to New York at least once a week, and whoever has to
sit next to him, usually ends up hearing his made up stories."
"Geez. Poor guy. How do you know all of this?" Ewan asked.
"I work this flight most of the time, so I get to know some of the
regular passengers. He was one of the first ones I was fortunate enough to
get know. Big mistake on my part, but hey, it's all a part of the job."
Jillian explained.
"So," Ewan asked. "Is it also in your job description to talk to
passengers while they pretend to go to the bathroom, to get away from
delusional seat mates?" Ewan asked smiling.
"Not really. I only do it for the cute ones." Jillian said, as she
pushed the cart out of the galley and into the aisle.
Ewan stood there awestruck. He knew then that she wasn't just being
overly friendly to him, because it was part of her job. He was bought out
of his daze when an old woman poked him, indicating that it was his turn to
use the lavatory. As soon as he was done, and walked back out into the
aisle, the old woman spoke again.
"She likes you. You should go for her. " The old woman said.
"Really?" Ewan said.
"Yes. I can tell these things."
"Well, thanks." Ewan said politely.
"Anytime cutie." The old woman responded, smiling at succeeding at
making Ewan blush.
******
Nick sat in front of a plate of food at the large conference table.
He pushed and pulled at his eggs, with his fork, unable to eat. He put his
fork down and picked up the cup of orange juice instead. He sat back, and
drank from the cup, trying to keep his mind off of Ewan.
A.J. and Kevin stood next to each other in front of the large tray of
French toast, while Brian and Howie were getting themselves drinks at the
other end of the table.
"Nick's early again." A.J. quietly said to Kevin.
"Yeah, I noticed." Kevin answered.
"You think it's a good thing, or a bad thing?"
"It's Nick A.J., it can't be good thing if he's not late. Either he
left again last night, and didn't sleep, or he couldn't sleep last night.
Either way, it's not a good thing." Kevin explained to A.J.
"Maybe he's decided to change, Kevin. Maybe we can expect him to be
on time for things, and that he won't be playing with his video games as
much anymore. Maybe he's maturing." A.J. said.
Kevin looked at A.J. questioningly, silently asking himself 'Are you
kidding?'
"Alright, you're right. It's not a good thing." A.J. said, knowing
Kevin wasn't buying his excuses.
As they finished filling their plates with various breakfast foods,
Marc walked into the conference room.
"Sorry I'm late guys. I was on the phone with management this
morning, and they just added another stop for today. So, as soon as I grab
a cup of coffee, we can start. It's gonna be a busy day folks." Marc said.
"Great." A.J. said as he took a seat next to Nick.
Nick stared at the table, oblivious to what was going on around him.
He had one thing on his mind, and it was what Ewan was doing, that took him
this long to answer. 'It's still early.' Nick thought to himself, trying
to make up an excuse that would serve to comfort him.
"Hey Nick." A.J. said. "You Okay?"
Nick didn't hear A.J.'s words, for he was still lost in his thoughts.
It wasn't until A.J. poked him in the arm, that he noticed A.J. was trying
to get his attention.
"Earth to Nick." A.J. said.
"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention."
"I could tell that much." A.J. responded.
"Did you want something?" Nick asked.
"Yeah, I just wanted to know if you were Okay. You haven't touched
any of your food." A.J. said with concern.
"I guess I'm not hungry. I don't have much of an appetite."
"You feeling okay? You usually eat as if you had a ringworm in your
stomach." A.J. joked.
"Naw, not today. I just had trouble sleeping last night. I'll be fine
though." Nick answered with a smile, hoping it would convince A.J.
"Nightmares?" A.J. asked.
"Naw, I was just restless. I guess I have a lot on my mind." Nick
responded, once again feeling the urge to talk to someone.
"Well," A.J. began to speak, "My mom used to tell me that if you have
something on your mind, and it won't let you sleep, you should share it with
someone. That way, you'll only have half the burden, so you could sleep at
night. She also said that once you've gotten some sleep, the problem won't
seem so big the next day." A.J. said trying to break through the barriers
Nick had up.
"Thanks A.J., I'll think about that." Nick said.
"Alright guys, let's get started." Marc announced as he sat down at
the head of the table. "Like I said, we have a busy day, publicity wise,
and on top of that, it's a show day." Marc said getting comfortable in his
chair.
"We start off at nine-thirty, with a spot on the local radio station.
We leave there as soon as we're done, and then it's off to an autograph
signing session at the Virgin Megastore. That would be at approximately
eleven o'clock. You're there until twelve-thirty, and then we break for
lunch. You have until two-thirty, when you have to be at the MTV studios,
where you have an appearance to do on TRL, at three-thirty. You've done it
before, so it should be second nature. We're out of there at five, and we
head back to Madison Square Garden for tonight's show. All of it is going
down right here in the Times Square area, so there won't be much traveling.
The good news is...you get the next few days off, after tonight's show. So,
let's get through today, and we'll be fine. Any questions?" Marc finished.
Brian spoke up, as soon as Marc finished. "So there's no chance of us
getting back to the hotel at all today?" Brian asked.
"No, I don't foresee it, so bring all of the stuff you'll need for
tonight's show with you. We meet in forty-five, outside of your rooms.
Anything else?" Marc asked the group. No one raised their hand or spoke.
"Good. I'm gonna grab some breakfast and bring it up to my room, so
that I can make some calls. If anyone needs me, I'll be there." Marc
finished, as he stood up and made his way towards the food.
"I'm not too hungry." Nick said to the others. "I'm gonna go up to
my room. I'll see you guys when we have to leave." Nick announced, as he
stood up from the conference table, and walked out of the room.
"What was that all about?" Brian asked, as soon as Nick left the
room.
"I don't know." A.J. answered. "He said that he couldn't sleep last
night."
"Really?" Kevin asked, as silence fell upon them.
"Hey guys," Howie spoke up. "I was thinking about what A.J. said
yesterday, you know, about doing something ourselves to help Nick. We
should do something soon, because he looks worse and worse every day."
Howie said.
"What do you wanna do?" A.J. asked.
"Well, I thought maybe if we each tried to do something with him
individually, you know to cheer him up, he won't think that we're ganging up
on him. Each of us could try and get him to talk to us, you know?" Howie
suggested.
"That's cool." Kevin said. "Who wants to go first?" He asked the
group.
A.J. was about to volunteer, because he wanted to try and fulfill the
promise he made himself last night to help Nick, when Brian spoke up first.
"I'll go first." Brian said, as A.J. was forced to keep quiet. "What
should I do though?" Brian asked.
"I dunno." Howie said.
"You should ask him to lunch," Kevin continued, as Brian listened
intently, "and try to talk to him there; just you and him...one on one.
Try and make it seem like the old days, you know?" Kevin said.
"Yeah." Howie interrupted. "We'll make up some excuse why we can't
go with the two of you, so that Nick will be forced to spend time with you."
"Geez, Howie. You make it sound like having lunch with me is
torture."
"Well, you tend to be boring at times, Bri." A.J. joked.
"You know what I meant." Howie said, trying to get back to the
subject at hand.
"Alright, I'll talk to him after the autograph signing." Brian
answered.
"Cool. I'll go tell Marc that we're splitting up for lunch, and that
you'll meet up with us at MTV." Kevin said.
******
Nick shut down his laptop for the third time that morning, and sat in
despair. He looked over at the digital clock, which he was getting to know
all too well. It read 8:30, only an hour after the last time he checked his
e-mail.
He'd have to meet everyone soon, so he decided to gather the things
he'd need, into his backpack. Once he was done, he looked over to the
digital clock. It read 8:45. 'Should I check?' Nick thought to himself.
'I should just in case he's written.' Nick went through the same procedure
as before, only to be disappointed, once again. He shut down his laptop,
and sat silently in a chair. Once again, Nick looked over to the red
numbers of the digital clock, as it read 8:50, only ten minutes until he'd
have to meet the guys.
He looked at his laptop, contemplating whether or not he should bring
it with him. 'If I do,' Nick thought to himself, 'I'll be checking it all
day; but if I don't, I won't be able to concentrate. I'll end up wondering
whether or not he's written yet. At least if I bring it, I'll know right
away.' Nick thought to himself, deciding to bring it with him. He packed
the laptop in its bag, and left to meet the guys.
"Nick, you're on time again." Kevin said. "You're starting to scare
me." He joked.
"Well, maybe some of the stuff you've said over the years has finally
sunken in." Nick responded.
"So, I see it only takes a few years for things to seep in through
that thick skull of yours." Kevin continued to joke, as Nick gave him a
half-hearted smile, not wanting to continue the conversation.
When Kevin saw Nick's expression, he tried to apologize. "I was only
kidding Nick."
"I know." Nick said plainly, not wanting to argue; yet still letting
Kevin know he wasn't amused.
'Jackass, gotta stop doing that.' Kevin thought to himself.
A.J. was the last to come out of his room. As soon as they were all
assembled, Marc led the way downstairs, and to the awaiting limousines. As
soon as they were inside, they were whisked away to begin the long day
ahead.
*******
The plane came to a complete stop, as it made contact with the gate.
Ewan had just landed in New York, and would soon be reunited with his two
best friends. He looked out the small window next to him, as the passengers
around him began to move around. Ewan sat there, waiting for the last of
the passengers to leave the plane. He pulled down the small duffle bag from
the overhead bin, and began to walk towards the door.
"I thought I didn't see you come out." Jillian said. "I'd never
forget a face like yours."
"Thanks. I'm flattered. Actually, I wanted to wait until everyone
left, so I could talk to you." Ewan said.
"Oh?" Jillian asked in anticipation.
"Yeah. I just wanted to say goodbye, and that you've made this a
wonderful flight." Ewan said.
"That's sweet of you." Jillian said, as she leaned in to give Ewan a
kiss on the cheek.
"Uh...well, maybe I'll see you on the return flight." Ewan said, half
in shock, and half embarrassed at her display of affection. "Betcha, that's
not in your job description." Ewan joked.
"Nope. Like I said, I only do it for the cute ones." Jillian said as
she stepped back onto the plane.
Ewan watched as she disappeared around the corner. He started down
the long tube, leading him into the airport. Once he arrived at the gate, a
man dressed in a suit was waiting, holding up a sign with his last name, but
he didn't recognize the first name until he thought about it for a few
seconds. After he figured it out, he chuckled to himself, and approached
the man.
"Hi. I'm 'Ewewy' Mc Govern." Ewan said to the man.
"Welcome to New York, Mr. Mc Govern. I'm glad that you made your
flight. When you didn't come out with the rest of the passengers, I thought
for a second there you might have missed it."
"Actually, I almost didn't make it. I woke up late this morning, but
the reason why I was last to come out was because I was detained by one of
the stewardesses." Ewan blushed.
"I see. Well, I'm glad that you're here. Mr. Littrell left specific
instructions for today." He explained, as he tried to take the bags from
Ewan.
"It's ok...uh...what should I call you?" Ewan started to say.
"You can call me driver or skycap." The driver replied as he managed
to wrestle the bags from Ewan.
"Actually, I'd rather not. Do you mind if I call you by your first
name?" Ewan asked.
"Sure, you can call me whatever you want. You're the boss."
"Ok. Now you're starting to freak me out." Ewan said as he stopped,
stopping the driver at the same time. "I know you probably don't get this
much, but I'm only a 20 year old guy, and I'm a nobody. So, my name is
Ewan, and yours is?"
"William, but I guess you can call me Bill. I'm sorry about earlier.
I'm just used to customers calling me by more conventional names." Bill
answered with an awkward look.
"Well, I'm not a conventional guy." Ewan said with a smile. "Now,
what exactly were those instructions Mr. Littrell gave you?"
"He said that I'd be your driver for the entire day, and that at every
possible moment, I should assist you with anything you needed, like carrying
your bags." Bill answered, as he grabbed the bags from Ewan's hands.
"Oh, he did, did he? He just said those things because he knows how
much I hate people fawning all over me. Well, I'll tell you what Bill, I
won't tell Mr. Littrell that you didn't follow his stupid instructions, if
you don't." Ewan said, taking back his bags.
"Whatever you say sir."
"That's the other thing. You don't need to call me sir. Ewan will
do."
"I thought your name was Ewey?" Bill questioned, as they made their
way to the baggage carousel.
"That's another one of Brian's stupid jokes. See, they're only funny
to him. The rest of the world laughs at him, not with him." Ewan joked.
Bill grabbed Ewan's luggage as it came around on the carousel. After
all of his suitcases were collected, he led him to the awaiting limousine.
When Ewan saw the limousine, he thought to himself 'God Brian, you didn't
have to go all out.'
Ewan rode in the limousine for an hour, when it suddenly stopped. He
didn't pay much attention to where they were going, because he opted to
sleep the whole way. When Bill opened the door, Ewan looked out at his
surroundings. He immediately noticed that he was in Times Square, and would
be staying in one of the posh hotels there. Bill led him inside, as he was
greeted by one of the doormen. Ewan proceeded to the front desk, explained
to the receptionist that he was staying with Brian Littrell, and that he
should have left a package for him. After checking with her manager, the
receptionist returned with a manila envelope, and handed it to Ewan.
Bill told Ewan to alert the concierge if he needed him. As they
parted, a bellhop took Ewan's luggage, and loaded them onto a cart. He
followed the bellhop through the grand lobby, to the elevators. Once
inside, Ewan opened the envelope, and saw that Brian had left a room key,
and two passes for the night's concert, along with a note. He took out the
note, and began to read it.
-------------------------------
Hey Ewan,
Glad you could make it. I can't wait to see you tonight. I
hope everything went well, and that you liked Bill. I knew you'd know his
name by now. I knew it'd bug you when he called you sir, that's whey I
specifically asked him to do it. He's a real cool guy. He'll take you to
the show tonight, and back. I'll ride with the guys. I don't want them to
know you're here until the morning. I gotta go...I'll see you later
tonight. THANKS again for coming.
Bri
-------------------------------
As soon as he finished reading the note, Ewan took out the room key,
and thought about a way to "Thank" Brian. The elevator doors opened onto
the floor, and he stepped out, followed by the bellhop. Once they reached
the room, Ewan opened the door and stepped inside. He attempted to help the
bellhop put away the suitcases, but was waved off.
"Mr. Littrell explicitly requested that you not have to lift a piece
of luggage." The bellhop said.
"Fine." Ewan gave in, seeing no use in arguing with the bellhop. He
reached into his pocket for a tip, and pulled out a five-dollar bill. He
attempted to hand it to the bellhop, but he refused.
"Mr. Littrell, has already generously taken care of it." He said.
"Enjoy your stay, Sir."
"Did he tell you to call me 'sir'?" Ewan asked.
"Yes Sir." The bellhop answered.
"Okay. I was just checking. Thank you." Ewan said, as the bellhop
left the room.
'You're dead Brian!!!' Was all Ewan could think.
Ewan moved his luggage to one side of the room, and began to unpack.
Once he managed to put all of his belongings away, he decided to call his
parents, to let them know he was in town. He picked up the phone, and
dialed the telephone number. After a few rings, a familiar voice answered.
"Hello, McGovern residence." The voice said.
"Hi, Consuella?" Ewan asked into the telephone.
"Master Ewan. How are you?" She answered.
"I thought I told you to just call me Ewan."
"I'm sorry. Old habits are hard to break. How are you?"
"I'm doing good, and you?" Ewan asked her. She was his nanny since
birth, and was closer to her than his natural mother.
"Very good, Ewan. We're busy here preparing for your brother's
engagement party." She answered.
"That's right. I almost forgot. When is it again?"
"It's in two weeks, Ewan. You always did have trouble remembering
these things."
"Well, I only choose to remember things that I care about." He
answered.
"Ewan, that's no way to talk about Master Jonathan's engagement." She
scolded. "I thought I taught you better."
"I know. I couldn't help myself. I can't believe he's marrying that
girl, what's her face." Ewan answered.
"You mean, Ms. Gardner?" Consuella said.
"Yeah, that's her. I can't stand her."
"Well, I can't believe it either, but that is your brother's
decision."
"You're right, Jon was always the one who made bad decisions in the
family." Ewan joked.
"I agree." Consuella said laughing.
"See, you have taught me well." Ewan answered.
"So, why have you called?"
"I wanted to tell mother and father that I'm in town."
"Well, you just missed them. They left for a business trip to
Houston."
"Figures, it's not like I was going to see them anyway. Just tell
them I called I guess, and that I'll probably miss the engagement party
because of finals." Ewan said sorely.
"I will Ewan. You take care now. Be safe, and I miss you." She said
to her foster son.
"I will, and I miss you too. Tell Steph, I say hi by the way, and
that I'm touring with the Back StreetBoys again. That'll be enough to get
her jealous. Tell her to call or e-mail me too."
"I will. You have fun, and try not to get into too much trouble."
She said, knowing how much a handful Ewan could be at times.
"I will. Bye Bye 'wella."
"Take care Ewan."
Ewan hung up the telephone, thinking that it was a waste of time
calling his parents in the first place. He grabbed his jacket, and put it
on. He checked his pockets for his key card, and walked out of the room.
When he arrived in the lobby, he asked the concierge for Bill. The
limousine arrived, and Bill stepped out to open the door for Ewan, when Ewan
stopped him.
"Actually Bill, I just called to tell you to take the rest of the day
off. I'm from the city, so I know my way around. If you could, just come
pick me up after the concert. I'll meet you outside of the main entrance by
the big electronic sign." Ewan said, as Bill tried to argue. As always,
Ewan won out, and Bill gave in, agreeing to pick him up after the concert.
Ewan began to wander down the street, in search of his 'payback' prank
for Brian.
*******
Nick sat signing autographs for the many fans who lined up at the
Virgin Megastore. He was grateful they were only signing autographs,
because he could mindlessly accomplish that task, while thinking about other
things. When it became unbearable for him to sign even one more autograph,
he'd excuse himself, and hurry to the back room where he setup his laptop.
He was feeling restless again, so he turned to Kevin who sat next to him.
"Hey Kev." Nick said, getting Kevin's attention.
"What's up Nick?" Kevin asked.
"I'm gonna take a break real quick. I need to go to the bathroom."
Nick said, making up an excuse, so he could check his e-mail
"Again?" Kevin questioned. "That's the third time since we got
here."
"I can't help it, I need to go."
"Alright, hurry up. Do you have any autographed pictures left?"
"Yeah, there's a stack left."
"Give 'em to me. You have until this stack is done. Now go, and
hurry up." Kevin said.
"Thanks, Kev." Nick said, handing him the stack of pre-autographed
pictures. "I'll be right back."
Nick left the table, to the disappointment of the crowd, leaving Kevin
to explain his absence. Just as before, Nick left for the backroom to check
his e-mail. Kevin resumed signing autographs, when Brian turned to him.
"Nick leave again?" Brian asked.
"Yeah. Apparently he drank too many liquids this morning, and has to
go to the bathroom every hour now." Kevin remarked.
"Oh." Brian responded, knowing the real reason why Nick was
constantly leaving. During the radio interview, Brian had seen Nick excuse
himself a few times to check his e-mail. Brian saw him setup his laptop in
the backroom, before they came out to sign autographs.
He was running on autopilot, signing autographs, while he thought
about why Nick was constantly checking his mail. Memories of his break-in,
into Nick's e-mail ran through his head, as he wondered what Nick had
written to Ewan. He knew from the empty inbox he saw last night, that it
was Ewan's turn to respond. Brian was kicking himself now for not having
the guts to read Nick's e-mail's last night. He constantly thought about
it, since he woke up this morning, but even more so now that nick kept
leaving to check his e-mail. Brian's curiosity was growing, but he refused
to let it get the best of him, like it almost did last night.
Brian shrugged the thought off, trying to concentrate on the task
before him. 'It doesn't matter.' Brian thought to himself, 'Nick'll be
able to talk to him soon enough, in person.' Brian smiled excited at the
thought of being able to see Ewan after the concert.
Nick returned, after checking his e-mail another time. Kevin noticed
the somber look on his face, and somehow knew Nick didn't leave to go to the
bathroom. Kevin had to fight the urge to stop the signing, so he could talk
to Nick. He couldn't' let it distract him, so he returned to signing
autographs, as Nick sat back down next to him. Kevin could only hope their
plan would work, and Brian would be able to break through to Nick. Half an
hour later, the autograph signing was over. They apologized to the fans
they couldn't get to, and said their goodbyes.
The security team, along with Marc, led them to the back room, to
collect their things. Nick solemnly packed his laptop, cursing himself for
bringing it with him. If it were possible, he wished he'd never have to see
it, or e-mail, ever again. Ewan hadn't written back, and Nick questioned
what he had done. He was having second thoughts about having sent that last
e-mail to Ewan. Nick took his non-responsiveness as a sign that Ewan didn't
take his e-mail too well. Nick felt even more depressed, thinking he had
just ended their friendship. He thought to himself, if this was the way
finally coming out to someone would be, he'd rather suffer, and hide it
forever. 'I'm damned if I do, and I'm damned if I don't.' Nick said to
himself. As they finished gathering their belongings, Marc reminded them of
the lunch break, and of the time they needed to be at the MTV studio.
"Where we going to lunch guys?" Nick asked, trying to hide what he
was feeling.
"Actually," Kevin began to answer. "Howie, A.J., and I have other
plans." Kevin said, followed by a fake smile.
"Really?" Nick questioned.
Brian stepped in, feeling the awkwardness in the room. He didn't want
Nick to become suspicious, so he put his arm around Nick's neck, and said,
"I guess it's just you and me Frack."
When Nick heard Brian call him "Frack," his heart melted, and the
tingly feeling in his stomach returned. He looked Brian in the eyes, and
saw only love and concern. To Nick, it was a reminder of why he fell in
love with Brian in the first place. His heart soared, and he felt
everything around him stop. It was the first time, that day, he was able to
forget the anticipation he had had built, waiting for Ewan to respond. Nick
reveled in the fact that Brian was the only one able to do that to him. In
that instant, all of his problems vanished, as he could only think about the
love he felt for Brian.
As quick and as powerful as that moment was, Nick's natural art of
skepticism, and worry kicked in. He realized that he'd have to be alone
with Brian, forced to sit and eat at a table, in a public place. Nick began
to panic, and the goofy expression of someone in love, faded from his face.
He was afraid he wouldn't be able to handle it, and that he would snap. He
stiffened when he realized Brian's arm was still draped around his neck.
Brian noticed the change in Nick's expression, and felt saddened. For
a brief moment, he saw Nick happy. He knew he saw and felt the Nick he once
knew. For months, he was deprived of that feeling, and now he was only able
to taste it for a brief moment. There was no awkwardness between them, and
it didn't feel like Nick was pulling himself away, but that moment was short
lived, and bittersweet. Although Brian was back to where he started, he was
grateful for the small show of affection in Nick's eyes. He knew there was
still hope. He told himself he'd just have to work harder to get things to
return to normal.
A.J. saw the change in both Nick and Brian's expressions. He didn't
want their first intervention with Nick to fail, so he took Brian aside.
"Hey, Brian. Can I talk to you for a sec?" A.J. asked.
"Yeah, sure. Nick, why don't I meet you outside in the limousine."
Brian said to Nick.
"Sure."
"C'mon Nick," Howie said, leading him out the door with Kevin. "We'll
see you guys outside."
Brian acknowledged Howie, and walked over to A.J.
"Don't let him get you down Bri. It's gonna to be tough at first, but
eventually we'll be able to break through to him." A.J. said.
"Yeah, I know. It's just, I want so bad for things to go back to they
way they were." Brian answered.
"I know. So do I, but you...I mean we, have to be prepared if things
don't. The best we could ask for is for things to get 'as close' to normal
as possible. If we could get him to talk to us again, that'll be a big
enough step. Right now, he's probably confused, and lost. He's not in the
right state of mind to make rational decisions, although to him, those
options may seem like the only ones he has at the moment." A.J. explained,
drawing from his experiences from his own past.
"Like I said, he may not be receptive now, but eventually he'll have
to talk. He can't keep this inside forever." A.J. said to Brian.
Brian looked at A.J., wondering how he knew all of this. As far as he
knew, they've never experienced anything worse than Nick's self-alienation,
since they became friends.
"Since when did you become the psychology expert?" Brian asked.
"I'm not. I just know certain things." A.J. responded.
Brian could usually tell how a person was feeling, or what they were
trying to say, when he looked in their eyes. He was a firm believer in the
saying, "The eyes never lie." He tried to look into A.J.'s eyes, but his
dark sunglasses blocked them from view. Brian knew there was more to A.J.'s
explanation, and he wanted to question A.J. more, but they were running out
of time. He wanted to spend as much time at lunch, trying to talk to Nick.
He gave A.J. one look, but let the subject drop, as they made their way
outside.
******
"Table for two?" The hostess asked as Brian walked up to her. Nick
stayed behind, looking at the various sports memorabilia along the walls.
"Yes. Actually, I called earlier for reservations." Brian explained.
"Mr. Littrell?" She questioned.
"Yes. That's it."
"Wow. I took the reservation, but I didn't believe it would be you.
Usually, celebrities make dining arrangements with the managers."
"That's alright. We were just down the street, signing autographs. I
thought Nick and I would come down to have lunch here."
"Nick? As in Nick Carter? He's here too?" She asked, trying to
contain her excitement. Seeing her reaction, Brian now knew why celebrities
preferred to make reservations with managers, rather than young hostesses.
"Yeah. He's right over there." Brian said pointing to where Nick
stood. She almost didn't recognize him with his sunglasses on. "Now
Cindy," Brian said looking at her nametag. "It's Cindy right?"
"Huh? Oh, yes, I'm sorry Mr. Littrell. You just caught me off
guard." She explained, trying to maintain her professionalism.
"That's alright. If you could seat us in a private area, we'd greatly
appreciate it." Brian said, giving her a huge grin. The hostess almost
started to scream when she saw Brian's smile. She thought to herself how
much better he looked in person, than in pictures. Brian knew how to turn
up the charm when he was in this type of situation. It wasn't often, but it
did happen. He found out early on that one of his smiles, or the offer of
an autograph, usually worked.
"Of course. If you and Mr. Carter would follow me, I'll seat you
right away."
Brian went over to Nick, and told him that they were about to go in.
Nick was purposely trying to keep a safe distance from Brian, but he could
no longer avoid it. For the next two hours, he was going to be locked in at
a table with Brian. This wasn't something he was looking forward to. The
short walk from the record store, to the restaurant, and the elevator ride
upstairs, seemed longer due to the excruciating silence between them.
Neither of them said a word, although Nick thought he saw Brian think about
making an attempt to talk. Lately, any interaction between the two of them,
ended up being awkward. In the past two months, he hadn't spent any time
alone with Brian, unless he had to. Even then, he tried to find an excuse
not to be alone with him. Now, there was no way out, Nick thought to
himself. Unless he faked a heart attack, Nick knew he'd have to go through
with this.
As they sat down, the hostess handed them two menus, and told them
their server would be there shortly. Nick and Brian looked through the menu
for something to eat. Neither of them could concentrate long enough to
choose something. Brian's thoughts were preoccupied, trying to think of a
way to talk to Nick, or to just talk to him in general. He couldn't think
of a time where he had this much trouble trying to talk to Nick. He was
beginning to think it was a bad idea for him to go first, in their attempt
to bring Nick back. Brian sat silently, staring at his menu.
Nick quickly gave up on trying to choose a dish. He told himself that
he wasn't hungry anyway. He was extremely nervous, and knew he wouldn't be
able to keep anything in his stomach, even if he wanted to. He put his menu
down, and looked over at Brian, who was still concentrating hard on his
menu. Nick studied his face and his form, and let out a sigh. He missed
Brian. Nick glanced at Brian's blonde hair, and knew if he tried hard
enough, he could even breathe in his scent. He noticed Brian's eyebrows
furrowed together, and knew he was in deep thought. Nick noticed that it
was a trait Brian and Kevin had in common, when they were in deep thought.
He couldn't help but smile, thinking how cute it was. He knew he loved
Brian, and he desperately wanted that love returned, but for now, he'd have
to settle for stealing small glances here and there, like he was doing now.
"What are you going to have Nick?" Brian asked, as he looked up from
his menu. He noticed that Nick was looking at him, but Nick quickly looked
away, as their eyes met.
When Brian brought him out of his trancelike state, Nick fumbled for
his menu.
"Um..." Nick said searching for an answer. His heart was racing, and
he could feel the heat rise to his face, as he started to break out into a
nervous sweat.
"Hi, My name's Rob, I'll be your waiter. Can I start you guys off
with some drinks?" Their waiter asked, as Nick thanked god for the
interruption. He tried to compose himself, but his heart was still racing.
"I'll have a Coke." Brian said.
"I'll have a Coke too, and a shot of Vodka?" Nick said, adding in the
last part with some hesitation. If he wanted to get through lunch, he
needed something to loosen him up.
Brian and the waiter were confused with Nick's last request, and
looked at him questioningly.
"I'm sorry sir. Did you say a shot of Vodka?" The waiter asked, as
Nick nodded. "Okay, but I'll need to see some I.D. for that."
Nick cursed himself, knowing he wouldn't be able to get his drink. He
thought about using his celebrity status, but didn't' want to embarrass
himself any further, especially in front of Brian. He was about to speak
up, when he heard Brain say something.
"Um...Actually, that sounds like a good idea Nick, but you're too
young to have the shot. So, I'll take one instead." Brian said to the
waiter, as he took out his Driver's License. The waiter looked at Brian's
ID, and gave it back to him.
"I'll be back with your drinks, and to take your order."
As soon as he left, Brian turned to Nick. Nick was afraid of what
Brian would say, and readied himself for a "Kevinesque" lecture. He didn't
think the situation could get any worse than it was now.
"So what are you going to have?" Brian asked Nick. Nick was confused
at the question. It wasn't what he expected.
"Um...I don't know yet." Nick said, not being able to look directly
at Brian.
"I think I'll have a Burger." Brian said, as Nick became even more
confused. He wanted to ask Brian why he hadn't said anything, but didn't
want to return to that subject, if Brian was willing to drop it.
"That sounds good. I think I'll have one too." Nick said nervously.
The waiter came back with their drinks, and set them down on the
table, leaving the shot of vodka next to Brian. He took their order, and
told them he'd bring it out as soon as possible. As soon as the waiter
left, Brian moved the shot glass in front of Nick. He looked at Brian, not
knowing what was going on.
"You should drink that, before he gets back." Brian said stoically.
Nick looked at Brian, wondering what he was doing. He looked at him,
as if asking for permission to take the drink.
"It's okay Nick." Brian said, "That is what you wanted, isn't it?"
Nick nodded, feeling guilty, but took the drink anyway. He gave Brian
one last look, as if to say 'Last chance,' but received no objection from
Brian. Nick took the shot, chasing it down with his Coke.
"Thanks Bri." Nick said, appreciating Brian's gesture.
"It's alright. I know you're stressed. Just don't expect me to do it
again any time soon. Actually, I should've gotten one myself. I could use
one right now." Brian said, making Nick laugh.
"Why? From what I saw yesterday morning, I would think you'd swear
the stuff off, at least for a while." Nick joked.
"That's true." Brian said as he thought back on his hangover
yesterday. "I'm a little nervous right now." Brian admitted, trying to
talk to Nick.
"Nervous?" Nick asked. "Why?"
"This is the first time we've actually had lunch, let alone spent some
time together in a while. It feels like I'm on a first date." Brian joked,
and looked at Nick, disappointed at not seeing the reaction he'd hoped for.
Nick froze, once again, when he heard Brian's last sentence. He was
confused, and didn't know what Brian meant by it. 'Was that a joke?' he
asked himself.
"That's my fault." Nick admitted. "I know I've been pushing everyone
away lately...especially you."
"It's alright." Brian said.
"No. It's not alright. If I was a real friend, I wouldn't do that."
Nick said, beating himself up.
"You ARE a real friend, Nick. You just have trouble seeing that
sometimes. That's what I'm here for; to remind you when you loose sight of
that fact." Brian said with a smile, attempting to comfort Nick. He hoped
it was the right thing to say. He never knew what to say to Nick anymore.
Nick smiled at Brian. He always knew how to make Nick feel better.
He was the only other person, other than Ewan, who could do that. He felt
special when he was around Brian. That was one of the reasons he loved him
so much. That was also the reason why he couldn't figure out how he could
love this person so much, yet have trouble spending time with him.
Silence fell between the two of them. It wasn't the comfortable
silence they usually felt, but an awkward one. Brian felt it, and didn't
want Nick to pull further away, now that they were able to make somewhat of
a breakthrough.
"Do you want to talk about it Nick?" Brian asked.
Nick focused on Brian again, and on his words. He was vulnerable, and
wanted to say something to Brian. He thought it over in his head, but
hesitated when he thought about what might happen if Brian didn't have the
same feelings towards him.
"Naw, it's cool. I don't really want to get into it right now." Nick
said, having to fight his conflicting emotions with every word.
"Okay." Brian said, feeling rejected. "Nick?" Brian said trying to
get his attention. "We don't have to talk about it. I understand, but can
I just ask you one question?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Did...did I...I mean..." Brian started to speak, stumbling over his
words, nervous about what he was about to ask. "Did I do something wrong?"
"What?" Nick asked in disbelief, after processing what Brian had
asked.
"Did I do something wrong? I mean, to us...to our friendship. It
just seems like you've been more distant with me, and we don't talk like we
used to, and I could sense that you didn't want to have lunch by ourselves
today, and..." Brian began to ramble, not being able to stop the flow of
emotions he's felt for the past few months. "...I was just wondering.
Cause if it's my fault, I'll do whatever it takes..." Brian started to speak
again, but couldn't find the words to continue. "...forget it. We don't
need to talk about this."
"No." Nick said. "It's not your fault. Oh god, it could NEVER be
your fault. It's...It's...It's just me. Trust me Bri...what I'm going
through right now..." Nick started to say, but stopped himself.
"It's...Just know it's not your fault." Nick said, looking at Brian with
sympathetic eyes. 'That's typical Brian for ya.' Nick thought to himself.
He was never selfish, and would rather blame himself, before he blamed
anyone else. That was another reason why Nick loved him so much. He looked
at him with so much love, and care. Nick had to muster every ounce of
self-control within him, to stop himself from moving over to Brian and
kissing him.
"Thanks. I was just wondering." Brian said, sheepishly. "We don't
have to talk about this now, but when you're ready...I'll always be here."
"Thanks Brian." Nick said, smiling at him, knowing how much he loved
Brian.
Their waiter chose that moment to return with their food. Now that
the gap between them was narrowed, they felt at ease with each other, enough
to talk casually.
******************
Because I Love You
By: Lucas
Chapter 8
"Hey guys?" Howie said trying to get Kevin and A.J.'s attention.
"What's up Howie?" Kevin asked.
"Why don't you two go on ahead to lunch. I need to run back to the
hotel, 'cause I forgot something."
"You sure D? We can go back with you, catch lunch at the hotel, and
then go to the studio?" A.J. asked.
"Naw, it's alright. I might even skip lunch, and take a nap. You
guys go. I'll meet up with you at the studio." Howie said.
"Alright. Why don't you take the limo then. A.J. and I can find a
place around here." Kevin said.
"You sure?"
"Yeah, go ahead."
"Thanks. I'll see you guys later then." Howie said, as he got into
the limousine.
As soon as it pulled away, Kevin turned to A.J. and asked, "So, where
do you want to eat?"
"I don't know. We have a few hours to kill, and it's a nice day, so
why don't we get something to go. We can eat outside." A.J. said.
"Where? Is there a park around here?"
"We can ask someone. I'm sure there's something." A.J. responded.
"Fine. I'm cool with that. You lead the way."
A.J. took the lead, as the two of them went off to find a place to
eat. They stumbled upon a deli, and walked inside. After ordering two
sandwiches, and some potato chips, A.J. asked the cashier if he knew of a
park in the area. The young man directed him towards the public library, on
Forty-second Street. A.J. thanked him, and walked in the direction he
showed them. A few minutes later, they found the park next to a building
with lots of stairs. A.J. opted for a park bench, instead of the stairs,
which were occupied by people, who were probably on their lunch break from
the monotony of their jobs. Kevin and A.J. sat down, and began to pull out
the sandwiches they bought, from the brown paper bag they were in.
"This was a good idea A.J." Kevin said. "It's a pretty nice park
too. It feels weird though, having a park in the middle of the city like
this."
"Yeah, it does feel weird, but Manhattan wasn't always a big city like
this. It was all woods, and inhabited by Native Americans, before it was
taken over." A.J. explained. "People just built buildings, and industry
around the woods, and what was left, became little parks."
"Thanks for the history lesson, Bone. Since when did you become such
an expert?" Kevin joked.
"Hey, just cause I have crazy hair, and tattoos doesn't make me
stupid. Nick's supposed to be the stupid one, remember?" A.J. joked.
"I know. I was just kidding." Kevin said as he took a bite out of
his sandwich. "So how do you think Brian and Nick are doing?" Kevin said,
changing the subject.
A.J. thought about his response, before saying anything. "I don't
know. It depends on whether or not Brian's having an emotional breakdown
with him." A.J. joked.
"That's true. Brian does tend to get emotional sometimes."
"Sometimes? Try all the time." A.J. joked.
"One of us should've gone first. Brian's too close to Nick." Kevin
said.
"I wanted to go first, but Brian beat me to it." A.J. said quietly.
Kevin and A.J. sat in silence, thinking to themselves, until Kevin spoke up.
"What are you thinking about?" Kevin asked A.J.
"Nothing." A.J. responded.
"C'mon A.J., I know you better than that. You've got that look on
your face. Is it about what you wouldn't tell me at the concert?" Kevin
asked.
A.J. didn't answer Kevin. Instead he chose to stare at a squirrel, as
it ran across the park and into a tree. He thought about what he would say
to Kevin. Kevin saw A.J.'s non-responsiveness, and took it as a sign that
he didn't' want to talk about it. "We don't have to talk about it, if you
don't want." Kevin said dejectedly.
A.J. and Kevin sat, eating their sandwiches. Neither one of them
spoke. A.J. was the first one to break the silence this time.
"Kev?" A.J. asked.
"What's up A.J.?"
"Can I ask you a serious question?" A.J. asked timidly.
"Yeah, sure."
"How did you know about me? I mean, how did you know to come in when
you did?" A.J. asked.
Kevin sat next to A.J., and looked at his profile. A.J. hadn't made
eye contact when he asked that question. Kevin knew he was being serious.
What he didn't understand was why A.J. was asking this question now.
"Well, I don't really know. I just know that I knew. You could say
that something called me to your room that night." Kevin tried to explain.
"Yeah, but how did you 'know?'" A.J. asked again.
"Honestly?"
"Yeah."
"I guess I've always known. I mean, I had my doubts, but it was
always in the back of my mind." Kevin said, but knew his answer didn't
satisfy A.J. "Do you really want to know?" Kevin asked
Still, A.J. didn't look at Kevin, and just nodded.
"Since you really want to know. It started crossing my mind more
often, when I noticed the late night guests you had." Kevin explained.
A.J. thought back on the memories, of that night. After that night,
he pushed them away as far as he could, and wanted to forget about them. He
turned to look at Kevin now, and replayed all of the events in his mind, as
he listened to Kevin.
******
"Thanks. The money's on the nightstand." A.J. said quietly as he lay
naked under the covers, in the fetal position.
The young man finished dressing himself, and took the money from the
nightstand. He looked at A.J., who had a blank stare on his face.
"Hey buddy, if you're ever in town again, give me a call. I'll leave
my number on the table." The young man said. A.J. didn't acknowledge him,
and continued to stare, trying to fight the tears that were forming in his
eyes. When he heard the door open and close shut, he couldn't hold in his
sadness any longer, and began to cry. He wasn't sobbing, or crying audibly.
Tears just streamed from his eyes, across his face, and were soaked up by
the bed sheets. This was how it always ended. A.J. could feel nothing but
sorrow, confusion, and guilt, but he remembered that this was how it always
ended...this was how it was supposed to be.
Kevin stood outside his room, and watched as an unfamiliar young man,
leave A.J.'s room. As of late, this was Kevin's nightly ritual. At first
he wondered who the strange men A.J. chose to entertain were, but eventually
figured it out, and let it be. Each night, he watched as one of them would
leave A.J.'s hotel room. Kevin didn't understand what drove him to stand
guard every night, but nonetheless, he found himself doing it. Maybe it was
to make sure A.J. was safe, or maybe it was to satisfy his own curiosity,
Kevin wasn't sure. He was about to open the door to his room, to settle in
for the night, when something stopped him.
Kevin glanced back at A.J.'s door, and was strangely drawn to it. He
closed the door before him, and began to walk towards A.J.'s room. It
wasn't until tonight that he decided to check on A.J. personally. It was
enough for him to watch his guest leave, but tonight was different. Kevin
stood in front of A.J.'s door, and knocked. After hearing no response, he
knocked again and called out A.J.'s name. Still, Kevin got no response. He
fished through his pockets for the master room key, their tour manager had
recently given him. At the time, Kevin questioned why he was made in charge
of such a thing, but he figured it was situations like these, where he would
need it. He felt uneasy at being given that responsibility. Lately, it
seemed like their management was giving him more and more of these kinds of
responsibilities. Kevin didn't know how he felt about it, but he took it in
stride, telling himself it was just another part of being the oldest in the
band. When he couldn't find the key in his pockets, he remembered he left
it in his room. He walked back to retrieve the key.
A.J. stood from his bed, feeling disgusted with himself for what he
had just done. Although he had done it many times before, he was never able
to get used to the feelings that stayed with him afterwards. Still naked,
he walked over to his suitcase, pulled out a few items, and walked into the
bathroom. He left the door slightly open, and walked to the tub to turn on
the water. As he stood up, he turned around and looked at himself in the
mirror. This was always the hard part, he thought. He hated himself so
much, that the hardest thing for him to do was to look at his own
reflection.
A.J. looked at the haggard image that was reflected back at him, and
cringed in disgust. He looked at his tear stained face, and red puffy eyes,
thinking how weak he was for letting it get to him. He felt dirty, and
wanted to wash away all of his pain. Once again, he looked at himself, but
this time he felt sick to his stomach. He could feel his stomach churn, and
he gagged, knowing how badly he wanted to throw up. He knew that was the
next step, because he'd gone through it so many times before. He could
never get used to the usual song-and-dance routine, but like a drug
addiction, he could never get enough.
Not able to hold it in any longer, he turned to the open toilet in
front of him, and vomited. He continued to vomit, until he was left dry
heaving. He clutched onto the rim of the cold, white, porcelain, with his
head half in the bowl. The stench filled his nostrils, letting him know
another part of his cleansing ritual was done. He hated every minute of it,
and constantly thought of finding a way out. For years, he looked for one.
No matter how hard he looked, or how hard he tried, he could only think of
one way to end his pain. He considered that method of escape, every time he
went through this, but could never bring himself to do it. He was too
scared, and hated himself even more for being weak. A.J. clutched onto the
cold porcelain with dear life.
He pushed himself away from the toilet, in disgust, and sat on the
cold tile floor. He clutched his knees to his chest, rocking himself back
and forth in mock comfort, as his tears started again. He was sobbing out
loud now, almost whaling in pain. Like the other feelings he felt, the next
one didn't come as a surprise to him, but hit him just as hard as the
others.
A.J.'s pain was now being replaced by anger and rage. A.J. was
generally a calm, peaceful person. He internalized his anger, and as a
result, his rage was usually multiplied ten fold. He shot up from the
floor, to face himself one more time in the mirror. It was the constant
battle he fought with himself. He hated the image that was reflected at
him. It taunted him, calling him weak and pathetic. A.J.'s anger was at
it's full now, and he couldn't bear it anymore. He looked over to the
towel, he had brought with him into the bathroom and stuck his hand
underneath. He wrapped his hand around a piece of cold steel, gripping onto
it as if his life depended on it.
Kevin found the key he was looking for, and walked towards A.J.'s room
once again, this time with a sense of urgency. He had never gone into one
of their rooms without their permission, and only hopped A.J. would
understand. Kevin stuck the key in the door and turned the lock. He
grabbed onto the cold, metal handle, and turned it. The door clicked open,
and he pushed it in. He stuck his head inside, trying to see if A.J. was
there. When he saw that the room was empty, Kevin walked inside, closing
the door quietly behind him. He looked around, and saw that the hotel room
was empty. He looked over to one of the beds, and saw the disheveled
sheets. It only served as another confirmation of what he suspected A.J.
was doing. He thought about leaving, but for some unknown reason, was drawn
further into the dark room.
Kevin noticed the light coming through the small crack, left by the
bathroom door. He heard the sound of the shower running. He assumed A.J.
was inside taking a shower. At that moment, his wanting to leave couldn't
have been any stronger, but he continued towards the door. He placed his
clammy hand on the knob, as his heart raced with nervousness. He didn't
know what he was doing, but knew he had to do it. He pushed the door open,
and stood in the doorway just as A.J. pulled a gun from underneath a towel,
pointing it at his temple.
Kevin panicked, as he felt his legs paralyze underneath him. He
looked at A.J., wanting to run over and stop him, but couldn't. All he
could accomplish was to yell out his name.
"A.J., what the hell are you doing?" Kevin said.
It took a while for Kevin's words to register in A.J.'s head, and even
longer for him to realize he was no longer alone in the bathroom.
Feeling managed to return to Kevin's legs, as he tried to approach
A.J. When A.J. realized what was going on, he turned towards Kevin, and
moved the gun from his temple, pointing it at Kevin. Kevin stopped from
advancing. A.J. took a step back, distancing himself from Kevin. He looked
at Kevin, and saw the fear he had in his eyes. He blamed himself for
forcing that fear into one of his best friends. He started to cry again,
and his vision began to blur over from the tears.
"Get out of here Kevin." A.J. said softly.
"What?" Kevin asked equally as soft, for his throat was dry, making
it difficult for him to talk.
"I said, Get the fuck out of here Kevin." A.J. screamed, as he began
to tremble.
"Alex, just put the gun down. You're scaring me." Kevin said. "If
you put it down, we can talk about it, and we can work something out. I
promise." Kevin pleaded with A.J.
"Just get the FUCK out of here Kevin. This is none of your business.
You can't help me. I can't help me. No one can fucking help poor old A.J."
A.J. ranted. "I don't need any help. I just need to do this, then I
won't be a burden on anyone any more." A.J. said lifting the gun back to
his right temple.
Kevin was even more frightened. He didn't want to witness A.J.'s
suicide. He didn't want A.J. to die.
"A.J., come on...Please put the gun down. I don't want you to die. I
don't want to lose you." Kevin said.
A.J. looked at Kevin's pleading eyes. He didn't want to die either;
he just wanted the pain to stop.
"There's no other way Kev. I've tried, please believe me...I've tired
to find another way, but there isn't one. I...I need to do this. I can't
take it anymore. Please leave Kevin...Just leave." A.J. begged as he broke
down even more, and the tears flowed from his weary eyes.
"Don't do this A.J." Kevin said. "We need you, bro."
"Nobody needs me. If you really knew who I was, you wouldn't want
me!!!" A.J. yelled out in despair. His tears were flowing freely now. He
was sniffling, and needed to clear his vision. He took his left hand and
brought it up to his eyes, wiping away the tears.
As soon as Kevin saw A.J. wipe away his tears, he screamed as loud as
he could, and charged at A.J. Thinking back, Kevin could hardly recall this
part, as it was the most unclear to him. He caught A.J. off guard, and the
next thing he knew, he made contact with A.J.'s naked stomach. His shoulder
rammed into A.J. pinning him against the wall.
When Kevin made contact with A.J.'s midsection, the wind was knocked
out of him. It was unclear to A.J. what happened next, but all he knew was
the pain he felt. It was so overwhelming, that he let go of the gun in his
hand, as he doubled over. As it hit the floor, Kevin saw it fall next to
his foot, and he kicked it across the room. He concentrated on holding A.J.
down. A.J. struggled as hard as he could, pounding on Kevin's back, kicking
and screaming as hard as he could, demanding that Kevin let him go. Kevin
could feel the pain, as A.J. made contact with his body, but he managed to
block it out, concentrating only on holding A.J. against the wall.
Eventually, A.J. was too tired to fight Kevin anymore. His pounding
slowed, and his kicking became weak. His screams died down, as his vocal
chords succumbed to the strain. His head fell in defeat, and only silent
tears came from A.J. His feet were too weak to hold him up, as he sank to
the floor. Kevin's grip never lessened, because he feared A.J. would
attempt to retrieve the gun. A.J. buried his head in Kevin's shoulder and
began to sob. When both of them reached the cold tile floor, Kevin arranged
himself so that he was sitting; yet still holding onto A.J., who cried next
to him.
Kevin stroked A.J.'s hair with one hand, and his back with the other.
Kevin closed his eyes and looked up to the sky, thanking god he was able to
stop A.J. in time. He opened his eyes, and lowered his head. He looked
across the room, and spotted the silver gun sitting next to the door. Kevin
was never more scared, than he was a few moments ago. He turned his view
from the gun, and looked at the top of A.J.'s weakened form. A.J. was
shivering now, as his tears began to subside. Kevin noticed A.J.'s
trembling, and for the first time realized that A.J. was naked.
"I'm sorry Kevin," A.J. said into Kevin's body, as he shook his head.
"I'm so sorry."
Kevin could hardly hear A.J. speak, but made out the words, as A.J.
repeated them over and over. Kevin shushed A.J., telling him that it was
alright, and that everything would be "okay." He listened to A.J.'s quiet
whimpers, as the steam created by the hot water, enveloped them. When Kevin
felt A.J. calm down, he started to speak.
"A.J., why don't you take a shower, and get yourself cleaned up. I'll
wait for you outside, and we can talk if you want." Kevin said as he tried
to help A.J. stand up. He led A.J. into the shower, asking him if he would
be alright. A.J. nodded, as Kevin closed the shower curtain and walked
towards the door. Before he made it out the door, he looked down to the
ground, and saw the gun lying there. He looked back towards A.J. in the
shower, before he picked up the gun and closed the bathroom door. Kevin
held the gun in his right hand, and only then did it dawn on him that A.J.
could have died tonight. He walked over to the door, opened it, and walked
back down the hall to his room. He opened the door, and found a place for
the gun. He put it away, never wanting to see it again. Not wanting to
miss A.J. coming out of the shower, he left the darkness of his room, and
walked back, hoping he could console his friend.
As soon as Kevin returned to A.J.'s room, he checked to see if he had
come out yet. When he heard the shower still running, he took it as a good
sign. He walked over to the suitcase on the floor, looking for something
A.J. could change into. He pulled out a pair of sweat pants and a T-shirt,
along with a pair of briefs. He opened the door to the bathroom.
"A.J., I'm leaving some fresh clothes for you on the counter." Kevin
said, but didn't receive a response from A.J. "A.J.? Are you alright?"
Kevin asked, but again didn't hear a response from A.J.
Worried, Kevin called A.J.'s name again, and pulled the shower curtain
slightly open, to check on A.J. When he looked inside, Kevin saw him
sitting in the corner of the bathtub, hugging his knees to his chest, as the
water cascaded over his body. Kevin shut off the water, and grabbed a towel
from the counter. He wrapped it around A.J., and led him out of the
bathtub. Kevin leaned him against the counter, took another towel, and
finished drying off A.J., who was now shivering from being in the shower so
long. Kevin grabbed the clothes he brought in, and dressed A.J. Kevin
looked at A.J., who had a lost look on his face. He was scared for him, and
for himself. He'd never been in a situation like the one he was in tonight.
He took one of A.J.'s arms, slung it around his neck, and led him into the
bedroom. He pulled down the covers from the unused bed, and lay A.J. down,
covering him with the blankets.
"We'll talk tomorrow A.J., just sleep for now. I'll stay here. I'll
be right here when you wake up." Kevin said solemnly, hoping A.J.
understood what he was saying. He shut the lights in the room, sat in a
chair, and settled into the darkness.
******
Kevin put down the remains of his sandwich and picked up his drink.
He took a sip from the bottle, and looked directly at A.J. A.J. sat on the
bench, holding his half-eaten sandwich. Kevin noticed he hadn't taken a
bite from it, in the past fifteen minutes. He saw a blank expression on
A.J.'s face, which brought him back to the night he stopped A.J. from
killing himself. He hadn't seen that expression on A.J.'s face in three
years. Chills ran up his spine, as goose bumps appeared on his body. Kevin
knew A.J. was thinking about the same thing. He wondered what prompted him
to think of that night now, because they've never discussed it, since it
happened.
Kevin continued to watch A.J. in deep thought. He couldn't help but
join A.J. in the place he was in now. He thought back on that night, and
about what he found out the next morning.
******
Kevin watched the sunrise from the window of the room. He wasn't able
to sleep last night, and decided to stay awake in case A.J. woke up in the
middle of the night. As the light filtered into the room, he looked back at
the bed that held A.J.'s sleeping body. He looked so peaceful, Kevin
thought. Only in death is there a more peaceful sleep. Kevin thought of
how close A.J. came to that last night.
Kevin thought to himself how lucky they were that today was an off
day. He looked around the room for A.J.'s cell phone. When he found it, he
walked into the bathroom, not wanting to wake A.J. He scrolled through the
phone numbers A.J. had stored in the memory, and found Brian's cell phone
number. He pressed a button, and it automatically dialed. After a few
rings, Brian's voicemail answered. After Kevin heard the tone, he left a
message.
"Hey Brian, It's Kevin. I'm with A.J. right now, and we decided to
hang out today. I just wanted to let you know. We're probably going to a
movie, and maybe do some shopping. We won't be around all day, and I'm not
sure about tonight. I didn't want you to worry, if you didn't see us all
day. Just do me a favor, Bri. Watch Nick for me, and make sure he doesn't
get into any trouble. Thanks Bri. I'll talk to you later." Kevin said,
and hung up the phone. Kevin walked back into the room, and sat back down
in the chair, waiting for A.J. to wake up. As Kevin thought back on that
day, one thought stood out in his mind. It was the longest day in his life.
After A.J. woke up that morning, Kevin could remember how terrible he
looked. Even though he was able to sleep through most of the night, he
still looked tired and haggard. Kevin decided to take him out of the hotel
room, so that memories of the night before wouldn't plague him. They were
still in a time where the BackStreet Boys weren't a household name yet, so
they hardly ever worried about going out in public. Kevin took A.J. down to
a park by the lake. He had been quiet the whole time, even while they were
at lunch. Kevin sat him down on a bench, wanting to talk to him. What A.J.
told him that day, would be one of the saddest things Kevin had ever heard,
and the biggest secret he'd ever keep.
Kevin could remember how hard it was to get A.J. to talk to him that
day. After about an hour at the park, he was able to finally speak.
Although it was three years ago, Kevin could still recollect every word A.J.
spoke that day. He told Kevin the story of how when he was younger, it was
only him and his mother. She had to work most of the time, to make ends
meet, so he spent most of his time with a babysitter who lived next door.
At the time, his mother thought it was the best decision, because the sitter
had a son who was older than A.J. She thought it would be good for A.J. to
have a male influence in his life. There was nobody but A.J., and now
Kevin, who knew how detrimental that decision was.
A.J. never told anyone about what happened on those hot afternoons,
after school, in the older boy's room. Thinking back on what A.J. told him
that day, the memory of the hurt in A.J.'s face came flooding back to Kevin.
He'd never seen such agony in anyone. He secretly didn't want to know
what A.J. was hiding, because he was afraid that whatever was causing it,
would also consume him. Kevin wasn't sure if he could handle it himself,
but he knew if he wanted to help A.J. He'd have to listen, and relive
A.J.'s pain alongside him. He'd have to be there for his friend, no matter
what.
A.J. broke down many times that day, but eventually was able to
recount the entire story to Kevin. He relived painful memories that he
tried so hard to keep buried away. He told Kevin how it started off with
innocent children's games, between himself and the older boy. He would
innocently tickle A.J., but as each day went on, it became more and more.
Their horseplay eventually escalated to include sexual acts. Kevin thought
about how young A.J. must have been, and he grew angry with the older boy
who should have known better than to take advantage of someone left in his
care. What struck Kevin the most was when A.J. told him what happened that
day, after years of "fooling around." It was at that point, Kevin could no
longer hold in his emotions, and broke down himself. It was at that
instant, A.J. became the one comforting Kevin, rather than the other way
around. Three years later, Kevin sat next to A.J. reliving, in his mind,
the events of that day.
"I think I was thirteen when it happened. I could never forget that
day Kev. I just came home from school, and my mom was on her way out to
work her second job. As she was about to leave, she gave me a kiss on the
cheek, and told me to be good. If only I listened to her, maybe none of it
would have happened. I walked out the door with her, and across the hall.
"The lady who watched over me, had to run out on an errand, but her
son was there. I almost told my mom that I didn't want to stay there with
him, but I didn't have the heart to. We were already struggling, and I knew
I didn't want to give my mom any more grief. So, I went inside, and he
closed the door. I knew what would happen next, because it happened every
day. I followed him to his room, and he locked the door. He told me to sit
on the bed, and I did.
"You're going to think this is funny, but I was glad that it happened.
You see, he told me that he was leaving for college in the morning, and so
we wouldn't be having these after school sessions for a while. As glad as I
was to hear that, I knew he wouldn't leave without a bang. I knew that day
he'd be rougher than usual, and I was right. On top of that, he told me he
was having a bad day, so I knew I had it coming, but I still stayed. I
still stayed Kevin. How stupid was I? I deserve what I got for being so
stupid." A.J. explained.
Kevin couldn't believe what he was hearing. A.J. blamed himself for
what happened. He was about to say something, when A.J. continued to tell
his story.
"We started off the usual way. I took off his shirt, and he laid down
on the bed. I kissed his body all over, and played with his nipples. I
knew he liked that, and I didn't want to get him madder at me, so I paid
more attention to that spot. He'd never let me kiss him on his lips. To
him, that was dirty, and he told me once, 'Only faggots kiss other guys.'
When he wanted more, he put his hands on my shoulders and pushed me down
further. That was the sign he used, when he wanted me to play with him. I
unbuckled his belt, and pulled down his pants and boxers. When we first
started, I hated this part. To a little kid, I thought he was huge, and
that he'd hurt me, but he showed me what to do to 'keep him happy.'
"I can't count how many times I went down on him throughout the years.
Usually it'd be just once, and then it was over, but sometimes we'd do it
at least once more before I had to go. That was when he got mad at me for
not listening. God Kevin, I was so stupid. I should've just listened.
"I was doing what we usually did, but then it changed. He got up, and
I got scared. I thought I did something wrong, and made him angry. I was
so scared Kev." A.J. said, as he was crying more and more.
"Oh God A.J., I wish I was there to protect you." Kevin said, not
knowing what the right thing was to say in that situation. "You don't have
to tell me about it, if you don't want to, A.J."
"That's just it Kevin. I don't know what else there is to do. I
wanted to die because of this. It was the only thing I could think of
doing, so I'd stop feeling like shit. Now...I don't know what to do. I
just know if I don't tell you what happened, you might not be able to stop
me next time." A.J. said.
"A.J., I'm here now. You don't have to do this alone. If me
listening will help you, then I'm not leaving until you have nothing left to
say." Kevin said, trying to comfort A.J. "...And there won't be a next
time A.J. If you ever feel half of what you felt last night, you come get
me. I don't care where I am, or what I'm doing; you come get me,
understand?" Kevin asked.
A.J. nodded in response, and took a deep breath, before he continued.
"That's was when it happened. Not once did he ever see me naked, or
ask to do something to me. I would always be the one who did something to
him, except for that day. He told me to take off my clothes. I was shocked
at first...then I got scared. I didn't know what he was going to do. Then
he yelled at me even louder. He commanded me to take my clothes off, and I
did. I never felt so ashamed in my life. I tried to cover myself with my
hands, but he wouldn't let me. He told me to kneel down in front of him,
and to suck on his cock. He told me to get it real wet, if I knew what was
good for me.
"I did what he told me to do, and then he made me lay on my stomach,
on top of his bed. I was so frightened. I wanted to cry, but I knew that
if I did, it would piss him off. I kept my mouth shut. I felt him move
behind me, and I tried to get up to see what he was doing. That was my
first mistake. He got mad, and pushed me back down on the bed. He spread
my legs, using his, and I felt him move closer to me. That's when he
grabbed me by the hair, and held my head down onto the bed. It was useless
for me to fight back. He was so much bigger than me." A.J. said, his voice
cracking.
Kevin continued to look at A.J., and was now holding his hand, in
support. He thought A.J. was going to break down once again, but he didn't.
This time, there were no tears in A.J.'s eyes.
"I was only a little kid. I was only a kid Kevin. He was older, and
he was supposed to be watching me." A.J. said, his voice getting louder and
louder, as it filled with rage. He clenched both his hands into fists, and
gritted his teeth. "I was thirteen. I was fucking thirteen. Kevin, I was
just a kid, and he raped me. He raped me, Kevin." A.J. said, looking
straight into his eyes, straining to say every word.
Somewhere in those eyes, Kevin thought he could see a part of A.J.
he'd never seen before. He was scared, confused, but most of all angry.
Despite the negative emotions, Kevin saw in A.J. at that time, he knew A.J.
held on to a small part of the innocence from when he was thirteen. He held
onto whatever was left of it, from that day.
"It hurt so bad, but he told me it was because I was resisting. I
tried to tell him how much it hurt, but he kept pushing himself into me with
more force. I wanted to scream, but he said if I screamed, he would make it
hurt even more. I couldn't imagine it hurting any more than it did at that
moment, so I kept my mouth shut. When he was in, it felt like I had a pole
rammed into me. My insides were burning so bad, and I felt so dirty. When
he started pumping himself into me, I needed to focus on something, or else
I knew I'd pass out from the pain. I looked across the room at a small
teddy bear on the shelf. I stared at it the whole time. I focused on that
thing so hard, and for so long, that I can still remember every detail of
that bear.
"As much as it's hard to hear this, his raping me wasn't the worst
part. After a while, I got used to him being inside of me, but something
happened. It started to feel good. I didn't know what was happening. I
was so scared, but I got aroused. My dick was trapped between my body, and
the bed, and all the movement made me hard. It started to feel good. I was
so confused. I thanked god that he didn't notice my hard on, cause I know
he'd think I was even dirtier for enjoying what he was doing to me.
"I thought I was in the clear, but something went wrong. I started to
get this feeling from my stomach, or maybe it was from my dick, but it felt
like I was going to pee. I was so scared I was going to wet his bed. He
would have hurt me even more if I did. As much as I tried to stop it, I
couldn't. My body seized up, and I started to convulse. Nothing like that
ever happened before. I felt something come out of me, and I knew I messed
his bed up. He must have felt what happened too, because he screamed right
after it happened to me. He pulled out of me, and I turned over, to try and
get away. I looked at him for a split second, and I saw this look on his
face. He was holding his dick and jerking it off. The next thing I knew,
he came all over me." A.J. finished saying, and looked at Kevin.
He was looking for any signs of disgust, or hatred in Kevin's face.
A.J. thought Kevin would be sickened at him, for letting all of that happen.
Kevin was expressionless. He was surprised at what he heard, but there
was no sign of disgust on his face. Although they didn't speak a word, for
some reason A.J. knew Kevin wasn't mad. He was almost surprised to see
compassion and sympathy on his face.
"After he came," A.J. continued, when he realized Kevin wasn't going
to leave him, "there was this look of shock on his face. It wasn't until
years later; I realized he probably felt guilty for what he did. I didn't
think that asshole could feel anything at all. Maybe it wasn't guilt for
what he had done to me, but rather for what it meant to him. That's
probably why he got mad. He yelled at me calling me 'faggot,' and 'homo.'
He told me I was a 'filthy piece of shit' for enjoying what he did to me.
You see, it wasn't until later I realized that I came. I never masturbated,
or tried anything sexual when I was younger, because it reminded me of him.
That was the first time I ever came. Shitty way to discover something like
that, huh?" A.J. asked rhetorically.
"I was covered in his semen, and mine. I was naked, and I was cold.
I was shivering, because I was cold and afraid of what would happen next.
He was pissed off, but what I didn't understand was why he seemed scared. I
never saw him like that. He yelled at me some more for making him do what
he did, and told me to clean up 'my' mess. I was so glad when he got
dressed, and left.
"When he was gone, I went into the bathroom, and cleaned myself up. I
was still in pain, even after he pulled out of me. I went into the shower,
and turned it on. I got in, and started to rinse off, when I looked down
and saw that the water had a red tint to it. I didn't realize I was
bleeding. I knew my mom couldn't find out about it, so I had to stop it.
After a while, I wasn't bleeding anymore, and I got out of the shower. I
got dressed again, and walked back into the room. I took all of the sheets
off of his bed, and found even more blood on them. I was so ashamed, and so
scared. I knew I needed to clean the sheets in the laundry, or else his mom
would find out, and surely tell my mom. As soon as I fixed everything up
again, I sat in the living room, and waited for my mom to get home.
"When I saw her, it was the hardest thing for me to not tell her. I
wanted her to hold me, and tell me that everything would be okay, but I
couldn't even look into her eyes. I was so frightened she'd figure out what
happened, and that she'd hate me for letting him do that to me. I ran to my
room, closed the door, and cried myself to sleep that night. She never
found out. No one did. You're the first person, other than me and him, to
know. God...I never thought I'd be telling this story to anyone." A.J.
said as he looked at Kevin.
Kevin was at a loss for words. He didn't know what to say, or what to
do. How do you comfort someone who's gone through what A.J. did? He was
quiet, as everything that A.J. said still ran through his mind. Kevin was
so lost, he didn't think about what he said next.
"Are you gay?" Kevin asked.
A.J. looked at Kevin. "Wow. Of all the times I thought about how it
would go if I told someone, I never expected that to be the first question
out of their mouths." A.J. joked.
"I'm sorry...I mean...I don't know what I was thinking." Kevin tried
to apologize. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean..." Kevin said, when A.J. stopped
him.
"It's all right Kev. It just came as a surprise." A.J. answered.
"Well, technically, I guess you could say I am gay. I mean, I am attracted
to other men."
Kevin gave A.J. a confused look. A.J. looked at Kevin as if he knew
what he was thinking.
"You're probably thinking, how I could be attracted to other men,
after what happened." A.J. said. "I can't really answer that one. I guess
I've always known, but it wasn't until recently that I...not accepted...but
admitted that much to myself." A.J. explained, but Kevin still looked
confused.
"In the few years I was in high school, I've noticed guys more than
girls. It was rough at first, because while all of my friends had
girlfriends, or were thinking about girls, I was secretly thinking about
other guys, and who I'd like to be my boyfriend. When I realized what I was
doing, I'd beat myself up about it, telling myself it wasn't normal. For a
while, I even blamed it on what happened to me, but that only lasted for a
while. I guess as my hormones kicked in, it became too overbearing."
"So what did you do?" Kevin asked.
"I guess I owe it all to the Internet. Freshman year of High School,
I didn't have too many friends, because I was really shy. I kept to myself,
and stayed in my room most of the time. So, my mom bought me a computer,
telling herself that if I won't go out, I might as well do something
productive. I talked to people online, and eventually went into the chat
rooms. I met a lot of cool people," A.J. thought to himself, and let out a
small laugh, "and some other 'interesting' folks, to say the least. They
never knew who I was, so I felt like I could talk to them openly, without
them passing judgment. I never had the courage to talk about the rape. I
put that way in the back of my mind. Also, I didn't need to because I never
saw him again. My mom and I moved when she got a better job. The people I
talked to where the ones who helped me out. They helped me figure out who I
was, and that I couldn't change that." A.J. explained to Kevin.
Kevin's face eased somewhat, signaling to A.J. that he understood, but
he still had so many questions in his mind. A.J. saw the perplexed look on
Kevin's face, and began to worry.
"Hey Kev?" A.J. asked, getting his attention. "Do you have a problem
with me being...I mean liking guys?" A.J. asked timidly.
"What?" Kevin said, as A.J.'s question caught him by surprise. "No,
I don't have a problem with it. Honest, A.J., I don't. It's just...it's a
little overwhelming to hear all of this at once." Kevin said.
"Yeah, living it is worse though." A.J. joked.
Kevin looked at A.J. surprised, thinking about what he said. "I
didn't mean it like that A.J. What I meant was...I mean..." Kevin stammered
looking for the right words to say.
"Kevin. It's okay. I was only joking." A.J. explained. "It still
hurts to think about it, but I think I needed to talk to someone about
everything that I've kept hidden, all of these years. I'm glad it was you,
and that you're okay with it." A.J. said trying to put Kevin at ease.
"Thanks A.J." Kevin said, as he wrapped his friend in a hug. Kevin
whispered in his ear, "Don't forget that I'll always be here if you need me.
I love you A.J."
Hearing Kevin say that he loved him meant so much to A.J. at that
moment. He hadn't heard those words spoken to him in such a long time. He
hugged Kevin tighter letting him know how much it meant to him. No words
needed to be spoken at that moment. After they parted, they both sat in
silence, thinking about the events of the past few days. Kevin was the
first to speak, when a thought occurred to him.
"A.J., can I ask you a question?" Kevin said.
"Yeah, go ahead. You might as well get everything out of me, in my
vulnerable state." A.J. said sarcastically.
Kevin didn't know how to take his last comment, but decided to ask his
question anyway. "What happened last night? I mean, why did you..." Kevin
trailed off, not knowing how to ask the question.
"Why did I try to kill myself?" A.J. asked for Kevin.
Kevin nodded, as A.J. thought about his question. Once again, they
were silent. A.J. tried to figure out how to answer Kevin's question, when
he himself hadn't had enough time to think about it, since it happened.
"I guess I was desperate." A.J. answered. "I'm not sure why. I just
know that I was in so much pain, that I wanted it to end. The only way I
could think of doing that was to kill myself."
"Why were you in so much pain though?" Kevin asked, like a curious
child, always wanting to know 'why.'
"I don't know. I guess...see...there was this guy..." A.J. started to
say, but wasn't sure how to explain it.
"You mean the guy who left your room last night?" Kevin asked, as
A.J. looked at him in bewilderment.
"Yeah. How did you know about him?"
"I was waiting outside my room. I saw him come into your room early
in the night. Actually, I've seen all of the men come into your room each
night." Kevin said, as if he was ashamed of what he done.
"You were spying on me?" A.J. asked.
"No...not at all." Kevin explained. "I was just worried. You've
been so distant lately, that I wasn't sure what was going on. I started to
notice that you were even more distant, after you had one of these visitors.
I was worried." Kevin explained. "That's all. I just wanted to make
sure you were safe."
A.J. thought about what Kevin had said, and looked at him. Kevin was
now looking at the ground, thinking he had done something wrong, when he
felt A.J.'s arms wrap around him, pulling him into a hug.
"Thanks Kev." A.J. spoke. When he broke the hug, he began to explain
everything to Kevin. After what he had done for him, at the very least,
A.J. thought he was deserving of an explanation.
"When I finally admitted to myself that I was attracted to men," A.J.
explained, "I've always wanted to be with one. I fantasized about having a
boyfriend who would love me, and care for me. I told myself, he'd be the
total opposite of what my neighbor was."
Kevin noticed a smile appear across A.J.'s face, when he thought about
his fantasy of having a man love him. He assumed it was just like the smile
he got, or any other guy got, when they thought about their "dream girl;" or
in A.J.'s case, "dream guy." As quickly as the smile appeared, it was gone.
"Everything was fine, until I realized I'd have to tell people I was
"gay," to find this guy. I wasn't ready for that. I'm not sure if I'm
ready for it now." A.J. said.
"A.J.," Kevin said, "You just told me right now."
A.J. realized what he had done. Kevin was the only person in his
life, who knew he was gay. 'I just came out to someone.' A.J. thought to
himself.
"Yeah, I guess you're right." A.J. said, "But I don't think I'm ready
to tell anyone else right now. In a way, I needed to tell you. I don't
need to tell anyone else." A.J. explained.
"That's where those guys you saw came in. Up until now, I could never
be with a guy, without the fear of someone finding out. I guess I used them
to fill a void in my life. I thought by being with another man, I wouldn't
feel so lonely. If you look at it, my plan backfired.
"The first time I slept with another man, since 'that' day," A.J.
said, "was about a few months ago. I know it sounds silly, but I thought I
could hire someone to be my boyfriend, at least for the night. What kind of
fucked up logic that is, I don't know." A.J. berated himself. "Everything
was fine, until I actually had sex with another guy. Actually, I enjoyed it
while it was happening, but afterwards I would get this guilty feeling. I
felt dirty, and I was disgusted at what I had done. I would have an orgasm,
and then I would hate myself. No matter what I tried, that's the way it
always was. I tried again, after that first time with a male escort, but
still the same feelings came over me." A.J. explained.
"Why didn't you just stop seeing these guys?" Kevin asked.
"I did, for a while. I was fine, until I started feeling lonely
again. I blamed myself for what was happening to me." A.J. said. "I
thought about coming out, and finding someone who I didn't have to pay, to
love me. Then I realized it wasn't even an option anymore, since we're
trying to be world famous pop-stars. I was screwed, and on top of that, I
told myself it was my fault. Last night, I guess I reached my breaking
point. I couldn't take it any longer. I felt dirty, after having sex with
that guy, and I hated myself for it. That's when you came in." A.J. said
to Kevin. "Thank god you came."
******
Kevin awoke from his daydream, and looked over to A.J., who was still
in deep thought. Kevin didn't think anything good would come out of it if
A.J. stayed in that state for too long, so he decided to interrupt him.
"A.J....A.J.!!!" Kevin said, bringing him back to the present.
"Yeah? What's up Kevin?" A.J. asked.
"You were thinking about it weren't you?"
"Yeah, and I noticed you were doing the same thing." A.J. said.
"I was. That's why I interrupted you. I didn't want anything to
happen." Kevin said shyly.
"You don't have to worry about that. I've come a long way from that
day."
"That's good to hear, but what made you think about it? We haven't
talked about it since then." Kevin asked.
"Nothing, really." A.J. said, unsure of whether or not he wanted to
tell him why.
"Come on, A.J. I know you better than that. Something had to have
brought it on." Kevin said, feeling hurt, because A.J. wouldn't tell him.
A.J. thought about it, and told himself that if Nick won't use Kevin's
counsel, he would do it for him.
"If I tell you, you have to promise not to tell anyone, and you've got
to promise me that you won't overreact." A.J. stipulated to Kevin.
"I promise; and when have I ever overreacted with you?" Kevin asked.
"Well, this isn't really about me. It's about Nick." A.J. said.
"Nick?" Kevin questioned.
"Yeah. Do you remember what we talked about the other night, back in
my hotel room?"
"What? You mean when we talked about Nick?"
"Yeah. You remember you said that Nick's acting this way, reminded
you of they way I acted back then?"
"Yeah." Kevin said, knowing where A.J. was leading him, but wanting
to hear him say the words.
"Well. You're right. I think Nick's gay too." A.J. said.
"What? Are you serious? How do you know?" Kevin asked.
"Okay, this is the part where you have to promise not to get mad."
A.J. said prefacing what he was about to say. "I saw him kissing another
guy the other night. We were in the limo, and he was on the street."
"Are you sure?" Kevin asked.
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure. I mean, even though I was drunk, I think I
can recognize Nicky kissing another man."
"He was in public?" Kevin asked.
"Isn't that what I just said?"
"I swear to god, I'll kill him. He knows better than to do that kind
of shit in public. What if someone saw him? What if a reporter saw him?
God, he just doesn't know the meaning of 'careful.' Let's go, I'm gonna
kill him." Kevin said.
"See. There you go, getting all hyped up over what Nick does. You
can't be like that Kev. Just think of what would have happened, if you
acted like you wanted to kill me, when you saw me that night. Nick's in the
same situation, and you can't treat it any differently just because he's
'Nick.' " A.J. yelled at Kevin.
"Fine. Since you seem to know what you're doing. What do you propose
we do? All I know, is that the last thing I need, is to have to stop him
from killing himself with a goddamn gun." Kevin spat out, without thinking.
After he realized what he said, he looked at A.J.
A.J. looked at Kevin in disgust. He understood when it came to
matters regarding Nick, he was more livid, but that was no excuse for what
he said. "Gee Kevin, I'm sorry you had to go through that with me. Maybe
if you kept your goddamn nose out of everyone's business in the first place,
you wouldn't have to be burdened by them. Oh but wait, then I would be
dead!!! And there would be no Back StreetBoy reputation to protect." A.J.
said, getting up from the bench, and leaving Kevin.
"A.J., wait. I didn't mean it that way. It just came out. I'm
sorry." Kevin tried to apologize.
"You don't need to apologize to me Kevin. I'm a big boy now, and I
don't need your sympathy. Nick's the one who needs help right now. Maybe
if you focused on what the god damn person is fucking going through, rather
than what everyone else thinks, you won't need to find Nick laying on the
bathroom floor of some hotel, laying in a pool of his own blood, from
blowing his brains out." A.J. spat out, as he left Kevin standing there.
"I'll see you at the studio. I want to be alone right now." A.J. said, as
he turned around and walked away.
"A.J., I'm sorry." Kevin called out to A.J., who didn't bother
turning around. Instead, he raised his right hand, and gave Kevin a good
look at his middle finger.
*******
"...and that was when I puked out the window. I think A.J. did too,
but all I could think of was how I wished everything would stop spinning."
Brian said, as he told Nick about the other night.
Nick was laughing at the stories Brian was telling him. He hadn't
realized how much fun he missed, since he pulled himself away from the
others. He enjoyed the lunch they had. He loved being with Brian. In that
short amount of time, Nick fell in love with Brian all over again. To Nick,
for that moment in time, everything felt right with the world.
A.J. walked into the studio, and passed Brian. Brian looked over to
A.J., and then to Howie. They exchanged a look wondering what was wrong,
because A.J. wasn't talking to anyone, and looked pissed off. A few minutes
later Kevin walked into the studio, looking sullen. Howie came up to him.
"What's up with A.J.?" Howie asked Kevin.
"I don't know. We had an argument...well it was more like I said
something stupid, and he got mad. Is he still pissed?" Kevin asked.
"Yeah. He hasn't talked to anyone since he got here. What did you
say to him?"
"Nothing. It's a long story." Kevin said. "How did it go with Brian
and Nick?" Kevin asked hoping to change the subject.
"I don't know." Howie responded. "I haven't asked him yet, but Nick
looked pretty good when they came in."
"That's good." Kevin said defeated. He wasn't in a good state. He
was now fighting a battle on two fronts. Not only did he have to patch
things up with A.J., but also now he had to worry more about Nick. The
interview was about to start, and Kevin only hoped things wouldn't fall
apart.
*******
Ewan walked back to the hotel carrying a large bouquet of flowers in
one hand, and a large shopping bag in the other. He was struggling, trying
to carry all of the things he bought, into the hotel. He made his way to
the front desk, to check if he had any messages. As he stood at the
counter, he didn't notice someone walk up to him, until they spoke.
"Are those for me? How sweet." Ewan heard a female voice speak. He
wondered who could it be, so he put down the flowers that were blocking his
view.
"Hey." Ewan said surprised. "Uh...no, sorry. These aren't for you.
What are you doing here?"
"Aw. Here I come to see you, and you tell me that these beautiful
roses aren't for me?" The woman joked. "Actually, I have a layover here.
I'm working an international flight tomorrow." Jillian, the stewardess he
met on the flight, answered.
"Oh. That's cool. I can't believe we're in the same hotel."
"I told you. I came to see you." Jillian said, and smiled. "But now
I see you're here to see someone else." She said pointing to the flowers.
"Oh these? Naw. These are just for a friend of mine."
"Well...she's a lucky friend." Jillian said.
"Actually, they're for a guy friend of mine." Ewan answered, not
realizing what he had just said.
Jillian looked at him inquisitively. "Oh. I see." She said
awkwardly.
"Oh, no. What I meant was..." Ewan tried to explain.
"You don't have to explain. I understand. I am a stewardess you
know. I work with a lot of guys who are...you know...gay." Jillian
explained. "I'm perfectly fine with it. I have some really good friends
who are gay. If you want, I can even introduce you to some of them."
Jillian said, as Ewan listened in disbelief.
"Jillian." Ewan said, cutting her off. "Before you marry me off to
one of your friends, let me explain. These flowers are for a prank I'm
pulling on a friend of mine. They're not for someone I'm romantically
involved with."
"Oh. I see." Jillian said, as they stood there in an awkward
silence.
"Actually," Ewan said, when he thought of something. "Did you say you
were staying for the night?"
"Yes. My flight doesn't leave until tomorrow." Jillian answered.
"Are you doing anything tonight?"
"Well, if you're asking me on a date, then no I'm not doing anything
tonight." Jillian said, as she flashed her "stewardess smile," once again.
"I was thinking more along the lines of you helping me with the prank
I want to play on my friend, but I guess you can call it a date. How would
you like to go see a concert, and then get a chance to meet one of the band
members later on tonight?" Ewan asked.
"Have I heard of this band?"
"Have you heard of the Back Street Boys?" Ewan asked.
"Of course I have. Like I said, I have a lot of friends who listen to
their music. I'd love to go, but who do I get to meet?" Jillian said.
"Do you know which one is Brian Littrell?"
"You mean the short blonde one, with the big nostrils?" Jillian
joked.
"Yeah that's the one. He doesn't really have big nostrils though,
only when you look at him from a certain angle does it look like you can fit
a shoe in his nose."
"I'd love to. I've always thought he was kinda cute." Jillian said,
as she thought about meeting Brian.
"Hey, I thought you said I was the cute one?" Ewan joked.
"You are." Jillian said simply, taking the flowers from Ewan's hand,
and giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Now tell me about this little prank of
yours."
"All right, let's get this stuff up to my room, and I'll tell you
everything."
*******
After the MTV interview, they all climbed into the limousine, and made
their way to the concert. Unlike their other interviews, where Kevin or
A.J. would do most of the talking, Brian and Nick were the ones who carried
them through the whole thing. Kevin stepped in only to clarify some
technical questions, but it was Brian and Nick who were at their best today.
They were so into it, that Nick ran into the audience during their
performance. When they saw him in top form, they looked at each other
questioningly at first, then at Brian. Brian shrugged his shoulders when he
caught Kevin and Howie's eyes, and smiled. He was so happy that the Nick he
knew and loved, showed himself again. They all smiled at Nick's hyper
display, except for A.J. who was still mad at Kevin.
Inside the limousine, Nick continued with his overexcited self. He
was talking nonstop, and joking around with Brian. A.J. sat as far away
from Kevin as he could, but even his bad mood couldn't stop him from
noticing the change in Nick's behavior. Nick felt like he was on a euphoric
high. He knew the change in his attitude was due to the time he spent with
Brian. He sat back and looked at Brian.
Brian looked back at him, and asked "What?"
"Nothing." Nick replied, and started laughing.
Brian shook his head, pretending not to bother with Nick. When Nick
least expected it, Brian lunged from his seat, and attacked him. They were
play-wrestling in the limousine, when it came to a stop. They arrived at
the arena, and as the limousine door opened, they climbed out and headed
inside to prepare for another show.
******
Ewan and Jillian arrived at Madison Square Garden just before the
concert was about to start. Ewan presented the passes Brian gave him, and
they were directed to the floor of the arena. As they made their way down,
Jillian noticed that she could have easily been the oldest one there. There
were so many teenage girls wearing T-shirts and other paraphernalia of the
Back Street Boys. When they reached their seats, she realized they were
about two rows away from the front of the stage.
"Nice seats." She commented to Ewan. "I guess you really do know
Brian Littrell."
"What? You didn't believe me? I'm hurt." Ewan said, with a pout.
"You know what I mean." Jillian said hitting him in the arm.
"Actually, I've had better seats. There's nothing like seeing the
show from backstage, or from the sound booth. Anything's better than having
to see the show surrounded by a bunch of screaming girls."
"That's only because you haven't seen a show with me. I guarantee you
I won't scream." Jillian said.
"I doubt it. I bet ya by the third song they'll have you screaming.
It's actually a good show, and if I was a girl, I'd be screaming too."
"We'll see." Jillian said with her patented smile. "So when do we
get to meet them?"
"Actually, you'll probably only meet Brian. We can't go backstage
because no one knows that I'm here except for Brian. It's kinda a surprise
he orchestrated." Ewan explained.
"Well," Jillian looked at him deviously, "these are backstage passes
aren't they?"
"Yeah." Ewan responded.
"And you say they can't know you're here, right?"
"Yeah." Ewan said skeptically, knowing Jillian was up to something.
"Then I'll be right back." She said, as she started to move away from
Ewan.
"Wait. Where are you going?"
"It's not everyday I get a backstage pass to meet a world famous boy
band. I'm going to go meet them. You said they couldn't know you were
here, but they don't know who I am. So, I'm going to go see them. I'll be
right back." She said, once again giving him the smile he'd come to know so
well.
Fifteen minutes later, the lights dimmed, and the crowd was on their
feet. The screams grew louder and louder, with the anticipation of the boys
first appearance. Ewan looked around for Jillian, but couldn't spot her in
the sea of people. The band started to play, and the announcer's voice came
through the P.A. system. Ewan's attention was drawn to the stage. He
hadn't seen his friends in over six months, and couldn't wait to see what
they looked like. He felt a tug on his right arm, and when he turned
around, he saw Jillian standing next to him. She was smiling at him, almost
to the point of giddiness. He tried to ask her how it went, but she
couldn't hear him over the screams of the crowd. He gave her one last
glance, before he turned back to the stage, and saw a hint of deviousness in
her smile this time.
******
The concert was different from what he remembered. They added in new
songs from their upcoming album. Actually, it was from the album they were
going to release in a few months. The songs were familiar to Ewan, because
Nick had sent him an advanced copy, as soon as it was finished. Overall, he
enjoyed the show. As predicted, Jillian was screaming by the third song,
and Ewan thought he'd have to remember to tease her about that later. As
soon as the encores were done, Ewan led Jillian outside, and into the
awaiting limousine. Their ears were still ringing from the concert, so they
didn't speak until they were inside.
"Wow!" Was the first word out of Jillian's mouth. "That was an
amazing concert, and now you're taking me home in a limo. You really know
how to treat a girl to a good date."
"Well, I try. Actually, you can thank Brian for all of this. It was
all his idea." Ewan said. "You're still gonna help me out when we get to
the hotel right?"
"Oh yeah. I wouldn't miss that for the world." Jillian responded.
"Actually, I hope you don't mind, but I started your prank a little early
when I met Brian backstage." Jillian said, smiling again.
"So you did get to meet them. It's cool. What did you do though?"
"Yeah, I met them. I have to say, Kevin is more my type though, but
Brian's cute too. He's gonna die later." Jillian explained.
"Oh god. What did you say to him?" Ewan asked.
"You'll see." She said smiling once again.
******
The limousine transporting the Back Street boys arrived at their
hotel. Like the night before, they were all tired, except this time it was
Brian who was excited. He was the first one out of the limousine, because
he couldn't wait to see Ewan. A.J. was still not talking to Kevin, and
Howie practically passed out on the ride over. Although earlier, Nick
returned to his overactive self earlier, he had now expended all of his
energy during the concert, and was equally tired.
When the elevator arrived on their floor, each of them hurried towards
their room, wanting to sleep. They looked forward to getting a full night's
rest tonight. Brian stayed back, waiting for everyone to enter into their
rooms. Once he was alone in the hall, he walked up to his door in
anticipation. He stuck his keycard in the door, and opened it. When he
walked in, he was surprised with what he saw. He was greeted by dozens of
candles lighting the room, some roses on the bed, what looked like a bottle
of champagne on the table, and romantic music playing.
"Very funny Ewan. Really cute!!!" Brian yelled into the room, as he
put his backpack down, and removed his jacket. "Come on out. I know you
did all of this."
Brian didn't receive a response, so he proceeded to look around the
room. He was looking under the bed, when he heard someone walk into the
room.
"Nice job, dude. Is this what I get for all the trouble I went
through to get you here?" Brian joked, as he stood up, and turned around.
He was surprised when he realized Ewan wasn't the one in the room with him.
"I'm glad you like it. I told you I'd see you again." A woman said
seductively, as she held two champagne glasses in one hand, and the bottle
of champagne in the other. "Who's Ewan?"
"Ewan?" Brian stumbled, still surprised. "He's a friend of mine. I
thought he did all of this. How did you get in here?" Brian said, starting
to worry.
"I told you at the concert. I'm your biggest fan, and I want to make
this a special night for you." She said, as she opened the bottle of
champagne, and started to pour it into the glasses.
As much as Brian was shocked to see her in his room, she intrigued
him. It dawned on him that she wasn't wearing much clothing. She had on a
red negligee, like the ones you see in x-rated movies, Brian thought to
himself. He was staring, but then paranoia set in. He realized a complete
stranger just broke into his hotel room, and now he was trapped with someone
who could be psychotic.
"I remember now, but I didn't think you were serious. Don't get me
wrong, Miss..." Brian started to say.
"You can call me Jill." She said, as she approached him, holding the
two glasses of champagne. She handed one of the glasses to Brian.
"Thanks. Like I was saying, Jill; I really appreciate all of the
trouble you've gone through, but..." Brian started to say before she
interrupted him.
"Oh, it was no trouble at all. It's the least I could do to meet my
favorite Back Street boy. Ever since I saw your picture, I knew we were
destined to be together. You're a lot more sexy in person you know that?"
Jillian said, as she stepped closer to Brian.
Brian was becoming more and more uncomfortable. He tried to take a
step back, but realized the bed was in his way. She was now inches away
from him. She took her glass, toasted it with Brian's, and said "To a
night we won't ever forget, and a lifetime of happiness...just the two of
us." She said devilishly, and drank what was in her glass. Brian was so
nervous, that he drank his drink in one shot. She took the glass from him,
and placed both of them on the nightstand. She looked at Brian, who had a
scared look on his face, and pushed him down onto the bed.
Jillian straddled him, sitting on his stomach. She leaned down and
started kissing Brian feverishly, before Brian could react to what was
happening. She grabbed hold of his button down shirt, and ripped it open.
She looked down on him, and Brian looked back at her in disbelief. If he
didn't know before, he knew now that something was wrong. Jillian turned
around, and stuck her hand underneath the pillow, as if to pull something
out. Brian saw this as his opportunity to push her off of him, and to run,
but he was too slow. She turned back to look at him, holding something
behind her back.
"Listen," Brian said in a panic, "you don't have to do this. I can
give you whatever you want. Just tell me, and I can get it to you right
away." Brian pleaded with her.
"I already have what I want. I told you, I just want to be with
you...Brian Thomas Littrell." Jillian said, in the best psycho voice she
could. Jillian smiled at Brian, and swiftly pulled out the object from
behind her.
Everything flashed before Brian's eyes, when he saw what looked like a
knife in her hand.
"Oh god no. Please don't kill me." Brian yelled. "Help. Please!!!
Somebody help!!!" Brian yelled, and closed his eyes, preparing to die. A
few seconds later, he realized nothing had happened, when he heard laughter
coming from somewhere in the room. He kept his eyes shut, but slowly opened
them to see what was happening. He felt the weight lift from above him, and
he quickly stood up to move away. His breathing was erratic, as he thought
about how close he came to death. He looked around the room, trying to
locate the source of the laughter. Brian spotted the woman who was about to
attack him, standing next to someone. Brian focused his vision, trying to
see who it was.
"You Fucking Bastard!!! You scared the shit out of me!!!" Brian
yelled at Ewan.
"Oh my god!!!" Ewan said through fits of laughter. "You should have
seen your face." Ewan said still laughing. "I was trying so hard not to
laugh when you screamed, 'Oh god no. Please don't kill me.'" Ewan said,
mocking Brian.
"I hate you so much, Ewan. I can't even think of why I even asked you
to come right now." Brian said, as he tried to return his breathing to
normal. "I need a drink right now." Brian said.
"Here, let me." Jillian said. "It's the least I could do." She said
with a smile, trying to ease Brian's mind.
"Thanks...um, is your name really Jill?" Brian asked.
"Yes, it is. Actually it's Jillian, but you can call me Jill." She
said, as she poured some champagne for Brian. When she was done, she took
the glass and gave it to him.
"Thank You." Brian said, as he sat down on the bed.
"Your Welcome." Jillian said in return.
Brian took a long drink from his glass, before he spoke. Brian said,
nodding his head at Ewan, "...get you to scare me to death?" Brian asked.
"He bribed me. He gave me a pass for the concert, and told me that
I'd be able to personally meet you." Jillian said, looking at Ewan, who had
an innocent smile on his face.
"Oh did he?" Brian said.
"Actually," Ewan interrupted, "I met Jillian on the plane, and then
again in the lobby. I was actually gonna just thank you for all that you
did, but then I met Bill, the limousine driver, at the airport. He told me
how you took time out of your busy schedule to make sure I was well taken
care of. Then I met the entire hotel staff, who said the same thing. Very
cute, Brian." Ewan said. "You know how much I hate having all of this
fancy stuff shoved down my throat. I get enough of that from my family.
That was when I realized you arranged all of it for me, and I needed to find
an 'appropriate' way to say 'Thanks!' That was when I recruited Jillian
here to help me." Ewan explained.
"All right fine. I did do that on purpose to annoy the hell out of
you, but this was scary. I really thought you were a deranged fan, who was
going to kill me with that knife." Brian said to Jillian.
"Oh, you mean this knife?" Jillian said as she lifted it into the
air, and saw the terrified look reappear on Brian's face. She decided to
have some more fun, and jammed the knife into Ewan, who stood next to her.
Ewan keeled over in mock pain, as Brian was stunned at what he just
saw. He rushed over to Ewan, to see if he was hurt. Ewan started laughing,
and stood up, holding the rubber knife he had bought earlier. Brian took a
deep breath, relieved that the knife wasn't real. He took the rubber knife
from Ewan, and proceeded to hit Ewan with it, over and over. They were both
in fits of laughter when Jillian spoke up.
"I hate to break up the party, you two, but I have to get going. I
have to work an International flight tomorrow, and I need my beauty rest."
Jillian said, as she took her coat from the chair, and put it on. "I had a
blast. I hope we didn't scare you too much, Brian. It was nice meeting
you." Jillian said politely.
"It was nice meeting you too, Jill" Brian said, as he stuck out his
hand to shake hers.
She turned to Ewan, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and whispered in his
ear, "Goodnight cutie. Thanks for everything. I'll see you around."
"Thanks for all your help too." Ewan responded. He walked her to the
door, and held it open for her. "Will I see you again?" Ewan asked.
"You never know." She said flirtatiously, turned around, and walked
to the elevator. Ewan closed the door, and walked back into the room.
"Will I ever see you again?" Brian said, mocking Ewan with his
southern belle voice.
Ewan looked at Brian, laughed, and then charged at him, knocking him
onto the bed. They were laughing and play-wrestling for a while. A few
minutes later, they exhausted themselves, and laid side-by-side on the bed.
"It's good to see you, Ewey!" Brian said out of breath, as they both
started laughing hysterically.
******
Once again, Nick sat in front of the screen of his laptop. He was
sure there would be a response from Ewan, by now. His day had started off
terribly, but ended so well. He was certain his luck would continue, and
he'd find an e-mail from Ewan. Nick told himself that there had to be
something there. He started the familiar sign-on procedure, waiting in
anticipation of what he would find. He heard the familiar sound of the
modem, as his heart was already racing.
"You have mail." He heard the robotic voice say.
'I knew it.' Nick said to himself. He hurriedly clicked onto the
mailbox, and his inbox appeared. There was one message there, but it wasn't
from Ewan. He looked at the e-mail address, and realized it was from his
mother. He was more than disappointed. Nick was crushed. He wasn't in the
mood to read what his mother had written, so he signed-off, and shut down
his computer. Nick moved from the chair he was sitting in, to his bed. As
he lay there, he knew all of his worst fears had come true. Just when he
finally got the courage to tell someone his true feelings, he was rejected.
Nick didn't blame Ewan for not wanting to talk to him. Nick blamed
only himself. He blamed himself for who he was. He shivered in his bed, as
all of his emotions attacked him at once. He felt confused, angry,
betrayed, and disappointed all at the same time. He clutched onto the
blankets, for it was the only thing comforting him at the moment. He
wrinkled his eyebrows together, and shut his eyes not wanting to think, and
not wanting to feel. He pulled the covers over his head, in hopes that he
could escape.
When Nick realized he couldn't escape, he shot out of bed, and ran
into the bathroom. He quickly turned on the light, and ran the cold water.
He looked at himself in the mirror, angry at what he saw. He hated what he
was. 'Why couldn't I just be normal?' Nick asked himself, before he bent
down and splashed the water all over his face, attempting to wash away who
he was. He didn't bother looking back at the mirror; he took a towel off of
the rack, and wiped his face. He threw down the towel, closed the light,
and rushed back to the bed.
Nick lay in the darkness, trying to forget everything. He was tossing
and turning, when he gave up. He stood from his bed, grabbed his keycard,
and walked towards the door. He opened it, took one last look at his room,
and shut the door. Nick walked barefoot down the hall. He stopped at one
of the doors, and quietly knocked. When there was no answer, he knocked
again, this time slightly louder. Just as he was about to leave, Nick heard
someone through the door. He heard the door handle, and looked at the piece
of metal as it turned. When the door opened, he looked up, and was met by
Kevin's green eyes.
"Nick?" He heard Kevin say in a raspy voice.
"I'm sorry if I woke you Kev. Can I come in?" Nick asked, still
shivering. Kevin could hear the sadness in his voice, and opened the door,
letting Nick inside.
In the darkness, Kevin fumbled for the light switch, but Nick stopped
him.
"No. Don't turn on the lights." Nick said, as Kevin froze from the
sound of his voice.
"Are you okay, Nick?" Kevin asked, as he crossed his arms across his
chest, trying to stay warm.
"I couldn't sleep, Kev."
"Do you wanna sit down and talk?" Kevin asked.
"Not really. I was just wondering if I could sleep here tonight, you
know, like the old days?" Nick asked, looking away from Kevin.
Kevin tried hard to look at Nick's expression, but it was too dark.
He wanted to talk to Nick, but he didn't want to push the subject. He
already created a rift between A.J. and himself; he didn't want another one
to form between him and Nick.
"Sure. Of course you can." Kevin said.
"Thanks. I'll just sleep on the couch." Nick said shyly.
"No you won't. Just stay in my bed. You said you wanted to sleep
here 'like the old days.'"
"Thanks Kev."
"You're always welcome, Nick." Kevin said, as he put his arm around
Nick's neck. Nick responded by putting his arm around Kevin's waist, and
leaning his head against his shoulder. Kevin supported Nick, as he led him
into the bedroom.
Kevin pulled down the covers, and took off his T-shirt, but left his
boxers on. Nick climbed in, and turned his back to Kevin. He bought his
knees up to his body, and lay in the fetal position, as Kevin covered him
with the blanket. He slipped in next to Nick, and faced his back. Kevin so
desperately wanted to get a look at Nick's face, so he could at least tell
if he was truly all right. Kevin pulled the covers over himself, and lay in
the bed, looking at the ceiling.
"Kev?" Kevin heard Nick whisper.
"Yeah Nick?" Kevin asked, propping himself up on his elbows.
Nick swallowed, before he spoke again. "Can...can you hold me?" Nick
asked.
Kevin hadn't slept with Nick in a long time. Usually, Nick would ask
to sleep with him if he was homesick, or had a bad dream, or if he couldn't
sleep in general. Right now, in Nick's voice, Kevin could hear the small
child he once held in his arms, a long time ago. Kevin didn't respond
verbally, but instead wrapped his arm around Nick's body, holding him
tightly.
Nick felt Kevin's arm around him, and for once, he felt safe again.
He closed his eyes, as silent tears began to fall. Nick sniffled once in a
while, and Kevin knew he was crying. Nothing was said between them, except
for Kevin tightening his hold on Nick. When the room was silent, and he
heard nothing from Nick, except for shallow breathing, Kevin loosened his
embrace. He leaned his head into Nick, and whispered, "I love you Nick,
more than you'll ever know." He closed his eyes, after saying those words.
He didn't know what was bothering Nick, but he could still feel his pain.
Kevin felt it even more, holding Nick to his body. He cried that night.
******
"Kevin did that to you?" Ewan said, as Brian finished telling him
what Kevin did at the club the other night. "I can't believe that. So
Kevin does have a dark side...I like it." Ewan said.
"Well, he did it to A.J. too." Brian said, as he remembered the
story.
"Are you going to get him back?"
"Of course I am. Why do you think I dragged your ass all the way to
New York for." Brian said laughing.
"And here I am, thinking it was because you missed me."
Brian pretended to think for a minute. "Nope, not really." Brian
joked, as Ewan hit him with a pillow. "So genius, got anything in mind for
my cousin?"
"Actually, I do. I've wanted to play this joke on him for a while
now. I thought of it when I was on tour with you, the last time, but never
got the chance to do it." Ewan explained.
"Hold on. Hold that thought. I need to get A.J., cause he's gonna
want to get in on this." Brian said, as he stood from the bed, and walked
over to the telephone. "Kevin did something to piss him off today, and if I
know A.J., he's gonna want to get back at him."
Brian dialed the phone number to A.J.'s room, and told him he had a
"surprise" for him. A few minutes later, they heard a knock on Brian's
door. Brian stood up to open the door for A.J.
"This better be good Bri." A.J. said sleepily, as the door opened.
"It's good. I promise." Brian said, letting A.J. come inside.
"EWAN!!!" A.J. screamed, as he noticed Ewan sitting on the bed. Ewan
stood up, as A.J. came over to hug him. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"Gee, nice to see you too A.J." Ewan responded.
"You know what I meant. God, it's so good to see you. I was tired of
looking at their ugly faces all of the time, since you left." A.J. joked.
"Thanks, A.J." Ewan responded. "Actually I was summoned here by
Brian over there. He told me that the two of you needed my expertise in
getting back at Kevin for the other night."
"Oh, so you heard huh?" A.J. questioned, followed by a grin. He knew
if anyone knew ho to prank Kevin, it would be Ewan.
"Yeah, Brian bought me up to speed. He also told me that Kevin did
something stupid today." Ewan said.
"Yeah, he was being a jerk, and said something to me.
"What did he say?" Ewan questioned.
"It's a long story, and I don't really want to talk about it. I do
want to know what you have planned for him though." A.J. said.
"Well, like I was telling Brian, I wanted to do this a long time ago,
but never got the chance. I was thinking..." Ewan said, starting to explain
his plan to A.J. and Brian.
By the time Ewan finished explaining the plan to them, and after they
finalized who would do what, it was already late, or technically very early
in the morning. They decided it was time to sleep, and that they would meet
in front of Kevin's door, early in the morning.
******
Nick woke up abruptly from his sleep. From the bed, he looked around
the room, and realized he wasn't in his own room. That was when he
remembered he slept in Kevin's room that night. It was still dark outside,
so he figured he must have only slept for a few hours. He looked over at
the digital clock; the red numbers telling him it was 4:30 in the morning.
Kevin had rolled over, in the middle of the night, and was now facing away
from Nick. He sat on the bed, placing his legs over the side. Nick yawned,
and stretched his arms. He stood from the bed, and walked over to the other
side, where Kevin lay. He kneeled down on one knee, and looked at Kevin's
sleeping frame. Nick whispered in a low voice, "Thanks Kev," and gently
placed a kiss on his forehead. Nick stood up, and quietly walked back to
his room.
******
Brian and Ewan stood outside of Kevin's room, waiting for A.J. to
return. They heard the elevator open, and saw A.J. come out, holding up a
key card up, and smiling triumphantly.
"Did they give you any problems?" Brian asked.
"Nope. I just told them I got locked out of my room, and asked them
for another key. When they asked who I was, I told them I was Kevin." A.J.
answered as he stuck the key into the door.
They saw the small, red light on the panel turn green, and they heard
the door unlock. Each of them smiled, as A.J. turned the handle, opening
Kevin's door. The three of them walked inside the large suite, and headed
towards the bedroom. Luckily, the bedroom door was slightly open, so they
quietly walked in, without making a noise. Ewan motioned to A.J. that he
and Brian were going to take their positions. He quietly mouthed "Good
Luck" to A.J., who continued on towards Kevin's bed.
A.J. couldn't believe his luck. Kevin had kicked off the covers,
while he was sleeping. It was another obstacle that was now out of his way.
He looked at Kevin's sleeping body, and thought to himself how gorgeous he
looked. A.J. couldn't help but stare at his beautifully muscled, sleeping
body. A.J. saw that Kevin had worn boxers to sleep last night. He was
confused, because he was sure Kevin slept in the nude. A.J. thought to
himself how he'd have to remove his boxers, for their plan to work. He
looked back at Brian and Ewan, who were crouched down on the other side of
the bed, and pointed to Kevin's boxers.
Ewan and Brian couldn't help but silently giggle at A.J.'s
predicament. They too were counting on Kevin being naked. Ewan mouthed the
words, "Take them off," to A.J, who rolled his eyes, silently thanking them
for all their help. A.J. slowly moved his hand to the waistband of Kevin's
boxers, and slipped his fingers underneath. When Kevin didn't stir, A.J.
began to slowly pull down the boxers. A.J.'s heart started to beat faster
and faster. He looked over to Ewan and Brian, who were desperately trying
to hold in their laughter. A.J. was now past the point of no return, as he
Kevin's pubic hair started to appear. A.J., wanting to get it over with,
continued to pull down Kevin's boxers until they were off. He slipped them
over Kevin's feet, and threw it at Brian and Ewan.
A.J. climbed into bed, with the naked Kevin, and pulled the covers
over the two of them. He pulled Kevin's arm out, and placed his head on top
of it. He wrapped his arm around Kevin's chest, and nuzzled his face next
to Kevin's body. He slowly shook Kevin, trying to wake him, but he didn't
respond. A.J. decided to be crafty, and tried another way of eliciting a
response from Kevin. He moved his hand over Kevin's nipple, and began to
rub it. Kevin responded to the stimulus, but not in the way A.J. expected.
Kevin moaned, feeling the sensation on his nipple. A.J. had to fight off
his laughter, and so did the other two. A.J., Brian, and Ewan, almost
couldn't contain their laughter, when they saw what happened next.
They looked down at Kevin's midsection, and saw that he was becoming
erect. He was literally "pitching a tent." A.J. noticed Kevin starting to
wake up, and gave Brian and Ewan the signal to get the camera ready.
"Kevin. Wake up Kev." A.J. said quietly.
"Hmm?" Kevin groaned.
"Kev, we have to wake up, before the others get here. They might find
out." A.J. continued to say.
"Huh?" Kevin said, trying to rid himself of his sleepiness.
"Kevin. You were great last night. I'm so glad you called me over to
apologize. I never knew you wanted to have sex with me. It's true what
they say. There's nothing better than make-up sex." A.J. said.
"A.J.?" Kevin questioned, before he felt A.J.'s hand grab hold of his
hard penis. Kevin was shocked, and shot right out of the bed. He stood
there with a stunned look on his face.
"Now." A.J. yelled, as Brian and Ewan popped up from behind the bed,
snapping away. They hadn't given Kevin a chance to comprehend what was
happening. The flashing coming from the flashbulb of the camera slowed his
reflexes. When he finally realized what was happening, he grabbed the
sheets from the bed, and wrapped it around himself.
Brian, Ewan, and A.J. were now on the floor, gasping for air. From
the moment Kevin realized what was going on, they couldn't stop their
laughter.
"What the fuck?" Kevin yelled, and then realized Ewan was in the
room. "YOU!!! What are you doing here?" Kevin asked, as he pointed at
Ewan.
"Gee Kev. That's a real nice greeting. It really let's a guy know
that he's welcome." Ewan joked, sending Brian and A.J. into another
laughing fit.
"All of you; get out of my room, and wait for me outside." Kevin
commanded, as they left laughing.
A few minutes later, a clothed Kevin joined them in the living room of
the suite.
"We got you good Kev. I can't wait to post these pictures on the
net." A.J. joked.
"By the way," Brian said, "that was payback for the other night. A.J.
and I know it was you and Howie who kept feeding us drinks."
Kevin blushed at his cousin's comment, knowing it was his fault. He
was mad at himself for letting his guard down so easily. He should have
known to expect something like this, but he couldn't understand why Ewan was
there. He looked at him quizzically.
"Hey, don't look at me." Ewan said, "They just called me over to help
out with the prank." Ewan explained. "Of course I was glad to oblige. I
couldn't resist. Plus, I missed you Kevvvyyy." Ewan joked.
Kevin rolled his eyes at Ewan. 'God, what did I do to deserve this?'
Kevin asked himself.
"Alright, then we're even." Kevin explained. "Seriously though, why
didn't you guys tell me Ewan was coming?" Kevin asked.
"Ask Brian. I didn't know he was coming either, until I saw him last
night." A.J. answered.
"You got in last night?" Kevin asked.
"Yeah. I was at the concert. Brian wanted to surprise you guys, but
I think I gave him a little surprise of his own last night." Ewan smiled,
looking at Brian evilly.
"Oh, don't you worry Ewan. I'll get you for last night." Brian
responded.
"What happened last night?" A.J. and Kevin asked in unison.
Ewan started to explain, but was interrupted by Brian. "Nothing
happened." Brian asserted forcefully. A.J. and Kevin looked at Brian and
then at Ewan.
"I'll tell you guys later." Ewan said, as they nodded their heads.
"Actually," Brian started to speak, "I asked Ewan to come join us, so
that he could talk to Nick and find out what's wrong." Brian said.
"Aren't you supposed to be in school?" Kevin asked.
"Yes dad. I am, but it's spring break." Ewan answered, as Kevin took
one of the pillows from the couch, and threw it at him.
"Well, I'm glad that you're here then. Just please promise me, you
and Nick won't get arrested again." Kevin pleaded.
"I can't promise anything." Ewan remarked, as Kevin shook his head.
"So does Nick know that you're here?" Kevin asked.
"Naw, you guys are the only ones who know, so far." Ewan answered.
"Well, then lets get him in here. He'll be so surprised, and happy to
see you." Kevin said. "Brian, order some breakfast, and then call Howie
and Nick, and tell them to come over."
Brian nodded and went over to the telephone. He did as Kevin said,
and walked back to join the others who were talking, and laughing.
"Room Service will be here in about thirty minutes. Howie said he's
gonna take a shower first, and Nick said he just needed to do a few things
before he came over."
"Cool." Ewan responded.
A few minutes later, they heard a knock on the door.
"See who it is first, Bri." Ewan said, as Brian walked over to the
peephole.
"It's Nick," Brian whispered, "and he looks like shit." It was then
that Kevin remembered Nick had come over to sleep with him last night, but
wasn't there when he woke up.
"Hold on a sec. Ewan, you go and hide. Let's surprise Nick." A.J.
said, as Ewan walked into the bedroom and closed the door.
Once the door was closed, Brian opened the front door to let Nick
inside.
"Hey." Nick said, as he walked by Brian and into the room. "Is
Breakfast here?"
"No. It should be here soon though. Are you okay?" Brian asked.
"Yeah. I'm fine. I had trouble sleeping last night." Nick
responded.
"Well, I think we have something that will cheer you up." A.J. said
from the couch. He stood up and walked over to the bedroom door. He
grasped the handle and opened it. Ewan stepped out from behind the door,
and into the living room.
"Surprise." Ewan said.
Nick's face turned pale, and his heart sank. His head began to spin,
and he blinked his eyes, trying to figure out whether this was a dream or
not. When he realized it wasn't a dream, he ran out of Kevin's suite. He
couldn't believe what just happened. He fumbled with his keycard, but
finally got the door to his room open. He slammed the door shut with his
body, and slid down onto the floor.
******
"What just happened?" A.J. asked.
"I don't know." Kevin answered.
"You guys really need to work on your people skills." Ewan joked.
"You really know how to make a guy feel welcome around here." Ewan said
sarcastically, trying to cover up his embarrassment.
****************************************************************************
So, what did you think? What do you think so far? Who knew about
A.J.? What's the deal with Kevin and Nick? Why did Kevin say "I love you
Nick, more than you'll ever know." Where's Howie???
I wanna hear from all of ya reading this. I'm kinda curious as
to where you think the story is going, or where you'd like it to go. Or if
you hate the story.
Lastly, I'd like to apologize for being delinquent with my e-mails!!!
I'm sorry!!! I know they're there...and I will get to them this weekend.
Thank You to all of you who wrote me. I love hearing from you guys and
gals, and can't wait to hear what you think of this chapter. Like I said, I
am an avid reader of the nifty archive but never wrote any of the authors.
Now that I've converted I've actually begun a dialogue with some of my
favorite authors. And they're really cool!!! Hi guys!!!
Thanks You's:
To Justin...the only guy who really knows how to keep me in
line...
Just wanna give a special shout out to a certain someone in SJ who
likes to wear shorts for not gagging. He's a great author and a great
friend. Although he's evil...Check his story "Not Meant to Be" out.
Special mention to Drew for your comments and criticisms, especially
the criticisms you make me a better writer!!! Also, Drew's writing his own
story guys!!! It's a really great story, and yall should look out for it
when it comes out...no pun intended. I'll give you guys the title when he
figures it out ;)!!!
Shout out to Carter...Where are you man???
Lucas Out...till next time!!!
rtstories@hotmail.com