You’re not meant to live in or be defined by your past

Happy Saturday 🙂 It’s so hard to believe that we are already in October; time is flying by rather quickly. As I further my work with women and work on the planning and marketing of Sisterhood In Motion, I am being confronted with my past, on an almost daily basis. Here’s the thing

Our past informs us. It helps to shape, mould and contribute to who we are. But we are not meant to stay in it and we are definitely not meant to be defined by it.

Because of my abuse, I used to hide my past because of my shame and the fear of being judged, looked down on or criticized. And then I realized that my abuse was not invited and that as the victim, it was not my right to be ashamed of the actions of another. For a while I struggled with the shame of the abuse and even blamed myself for – get this – allowing the abuse. I remember walking into my counseling session and saying to my counselor, “I’m over it all, really. But I struggle with the shame of it. I can’t believe that I allowed him to do and say these things to me for so many years”. She reclined in her chair so she could get better a better look at me and said these words, which were simple, yet quite profound:

“No one invites sickness or death or suffering. In the same way, you did not invite the abuse. Your ex-husband made the choice to violate and abuse you. You did not invite it”.

Her words really hit home and made me think differently. They broke the last shred of a past that kept me bounds, the element of shame. Whatever from the past that holds you, I hope that you too, find the words that will set you free and shift your thinking.

You’re not meant to live in or be defined by your past and when you truly grasp that, it will open you up to a whole new way of thinking, living, being. The shame, the guilt, the blame, the whatever/s that keeps you tied to the past, you must let go, even if slowly, but surely. So let the past go and when you do, thrive. Don’t just survive what you’ve been through.

Carlana Charles is the visionary and editor-in-chief of FemmePowered. She is a womanist, writer, speaker, story midwife and facilitator of meaningful and engaging conversations. When she is not working in or on FemmePowered, she can be found resting, baking, reading or scribbling furiously in her journal whilst sipping wine or coffee, sometimes both at the same time. She is currently working on her first book and hopes to release it in September 2018.