Real Advice for Real People

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Dear Murray; i hate poor snobs. don’t misread me, i give up my seat to old people and if a bum says he just wants money for some booze, i’ll buy him a fo’ty. i am super so nice. but just now, having dinner, i was approached by an aggressive panhandler. an old woman, healthy and reasonably articulate, well-groomed except for very sketchy dental structure. whilst she was enjoying strawberry …continue…

Dear Murray, My woman wants to name our baby boy Draco. Well, I think that’s the best idea I’ve ever heard. There are plenty of kids out there named Moon or Rock or Earthfart, and they desperately need someone else’s ass to kick. You’ll be doing the world a great service! People really need to think about the repercussions of the name they stick their chilluns with. Picking a name …continue…

What are your thought on illegal immigration? I say fuck ’em! If their forefathers were too lazy and stupid to hang on to their real estate that’s not our problem. Plus, look what squalid garbage heap countries most of these people come from. What makes us think our country won’t end up looking exactly like that??! I say we bill the countries of origin of these assholes and start tying …continue…

Dear Murray: Feed my some of your wisdom. What is your viewpoint on Love in general. I am a mother of one and my husband and I are seperated. I doubt that we will ever get back together. I am quite sure it will end in divorce. I am not ready to date obviously, but when I finally am, what would some good advice be for getting back into the …continue…

Good job, America. You’ve just proven that it’s never too soon for a little opportunism! Saw this shit going around on the Facepage yesterday. “Like this page for 9/11! Woo!” You motherfuckers would sell your own grannie into slavery for a share. I’m sure that seemed like a brilliant marketing ploy. “Who doesn’t like 9/11? I mean, come on.” Instead, you come across looking like a complete and total fuckwit, …continue…

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Stalk My Ass

Complaint Department

If you'd like to complain, please write out all complaints on a 3"x5" index card. Write legibly and use black ink. Then, fold the card over and stick it really far up your ass, because Murray doesn't give a shit.