Definitely Victoria, right? Somebody spilled something on one of her little Gucci dresses back in the day and she tried to claw a girl’s eyes out. Ooh, or maybe it was Ginger Spice. She always was the fiery one, you know? Or it could be Scary Spice. You know, because of “scary.”

But who was it really? Which two of our darling Spice Girls once got so angry at each other that they resorted to throwing punches? Any combination is hard to imagine, of course, but since it did happen, can you guess which girls were involved?

Bitches on the left!

Yes, the two Mels, Mel B and Mel C, got super drunk one time and had a brawl. Oh, but Geri got punched in the face for being a sweetheart and trying to stop the violence. Here, let’s just let Sporty Spice herself tell us what happened:

“Me and Melanie had a fight once. We were too drunk. We got a bit pushy, shovey and Geri stepped in the middle to break it up and ended up getting punched in the face. Then Melanie went off to be sick, and because she’d been drinking too much port she accused me of making her bleed!”

Is this weird for anyone else? I don’t know, I guess the Spice Girls were such a huge part of my childhood that they’re always going to be what I thought they were when I was 10. I always imagined that they toured around, braiding each other’s hair and having fun, PG adventures and singing constantly. Basically, I thought that Spice World was real life, and even now that I read about Victoria Beckham’s bitchface and Geri Halliwell’s nipples for a living, that’s how they’re always going to be in my head.

Last night, as I’m sure most of you know, the closing ceremony of the 2012 Olympics took place. A lot of things happened during that ceremony, but nothing that was nearly as important as the glorious performance by the Spice Girls.

And look, I know the video isn’t that great, ok? I know those commentators are speaking over almost the whole entire thing and that they won’t just shut up for one minute, but this is the best I could find. Well, Gawker has a better video with less commentating, but I can’t embed it here. But I don’t want to hear it, ok? I spent the last three hours of my life sifting through shitty YouTube videos – people recorded the Spice Girls’ performance on their televisions with their phones, ok, and they can’t even stop seizing while they do it – and all I wanted to do was to find you guys a good video of this. That’s all I wanted. So please just appreciate it.

Just appreciate that there’s a video at all, I mean. You don’t have to appreciate the performance itself, because … well, this is hard for me to say. Because I thought it was magical and wonderful and everything I ever wanted, of course, but is this the same band that I rocked out to constantly from the ages of nine to eleven? This doesn’t exactly seem like that same band. Oh god, is that awful of me to say?

Did you hear that the Spice Girls are going to be performing at the closing ceremony of the Olympics? That’s a pretty big deal, right? For the entirety of 2012, we’ve been tantalized by rumors of a Spice Girls reunion, and last month all five of the girls were photographed together for the first time in years to promote that Viva Forever musical. This whole year has led up to this one moment, this one shining moment in time when all of the Spice Girls agreed to come together to spice up our lives through song once again.

And yes, Victoria Beckham has agreed to perform as well, but under one condition: this one reunion has to be the very last time that they perform, ever.

What a spoilsport, right? This is such a bitchy move that Geri Halliwell, our beloved Ginger Spice, spoke at length about it to a “source,” who told the Daily Mail:

“After the Olympics I can’t imagine even talking to her again, let alone being on a stage with her. Mel B. was right, she has lost the spirit of the band.”

Geri told pals: “None of us can understand why she won’t take advantage of these opportunities. Now is the time to be together again as a band and she and Mel B. can’t be in the same room together.”

Speaking about meeting up at the Viva Forever press launch she added: “After the stunt she pulled at the Viva Forever press conference she said she’d never perform with us again and then with David not being chosen for the team, she didn’t even want to discuss it.”

Can someone please sit Victoria Beckham down and explain to her why this is ridiculous? The whole entire reason that she’s famous today, that she’s able to be a fashion designer and have sex with David Beckham, is because of that little black dress and those awful platforms. It’s because the entire world knows that “easy V doesn’t come for free, she’s a real lady.” It’s not because of any true talent that she may or may not have. It’s because of the Spice Girls. God.

Regardless of Victoria’s snobbery, I absolutely cannot wait to see these girls perform together again. Anybody else?

Yay, look! It’s the Spice Girls, all together again for 2012! And they’re talking about reuniting for a musical!

From Reuters:

The Spice Girls reunited for a few hours on Tuesday to launch a new musical based on songs that made them one of the biggest bands of the 1990s, but there was time for plenty of laughs, avowals of mutual love and even the odd catty aside.

“Viva Forever!”, written by British comedian Jennifer Saunders and produced by “Mamma Mia!” mastermind Judy Craymer, opens at the Piccadilly Theatre in London’s West End on December 11.

Victoria Beckham, Melanie Brown, Emma Bunton, Melanie Chisholm and Geri Halliwell — or to use their more familiar monikers Posh, Scary, Baby, Sporty and Ginger Spice — were back together 12 years after they split and seven years since their reunion tour.

Any appearance by all five Spice Girls is a major media event in Britain, where they introduced the concept of “girl power” and were hailed as modern-day feminists by some and “sugar-pop” pin-up girls by others.

Tabloids delighted in unearthing behind-the-scenes tensions and tantrums between the members when they were a major force in pop, but, for the most part, Tuesday’s appearance was harmonious.

“I don’t think it took (us) any convincing at all,” Chisholm told a small group of reporters who met the band members before they appeared on stage to present the musical.

“It’s something we’ve spoken about a lot over the years. I think that our music lends itself really well to theatre and when we reunited in 2007 that was when we started to talk about it more seriously.”

Beckham, in a black outfit made by her own fashion brand, added: “We always said if we do this we want to work with the best people, because that’s what we’ve always done. Everything we’ve done we’ve done properly and we’ve got the ‘A-team.’”

Oh boy! Viva Forever! This just sounds great! What’s that? You can’t imagine what the Spice Girls have to say that’s relevant in 2012? Well, here’s a little bit more about Viva Forever!:

Viva Forever! is not a re-telling of the Spice Girls’ meteoric rise to global fame after they formed in 1994 having answered an advertisement to form a girl band.

While it does feature their hits, which include “Wannabe”, “Spice Up Your Life” and “Viva Forever”, it centers around four characters who audition for a TV talent show.

“It’s not about actually us, it’s the essence of the Spice Girls,” said Halliwell, who, like the other four Spice Girls, is a mother in her late 30s.

“There is a talent show in there, but actually, really what it’s about is about friendship, it’s about motherhood and then there is a little bit of how do you juggle between success and friendship?”

Asked about how they had got along since coming together to promote and work on the musical, Halliwell replied: “We actually do have quite a good time together when it’s just us lot.”

Now let me say: I liked the Spice Girls a lot back in the day. I loved their ‘Wannabe’, but frankly, I thought their shoes and their “Girl Power!” schtick were pretty obnoxious, because come on. We can be all “girl power” without being all stupid and what not in choosing ugly platform sneakers. Come on.

Are you guys excited about this musical? Don’t be too excited, you heard the girl—it’s just the ESSENCE of the Spice Girls, it’s not really them.

Do you remember those rumors about a Spice Girls reunion? Mel B hinted that the most glorious girl group of all time might get back together to perform at the Queen’s Jubilee concert, and the preteen girl inside all of our hearts began crying hysterically and hyperventilating and hooking up the VCR to watch Spice World. It was a beautiful time in our lives, wasn’t it?

No matter how much Geri and Mel tweet/ hint about it, it’s not happening because Mel C said so this morning on Lorraine.

“It’s such an incredible opportunity and what a wonderful thing to be able to do,” Mel said to a lady who wasn’t Lorraine, because Lorraine’s off on her holidays somewhere.

“And the concert looks like it’s going to be out of this world, but unfortunately – bad news for any Spice Girls fans – we don’t plan to perform or reform. So I’m sorry to disappoint anybody.”

Mel carried on talking about it, probably because she knows it’s the best way for her to promote the tour she’s just about to go on, but hey – we’d probably do the same. If, you know, we were a Spice Girl.

“We often have things that we talk about,” said Mel. “It was rumoured a lot about the Olympics and then of course the whole Diamond Jubilee thing came up. And it was something that we discussed, so it was in discussion, but unfortunately it’s not going to happen.”

“We have to respect each other’s wishes,” said Mel. “And we reformed in 2007 and we had an amazing time. The show was incredible and that kind of feels like our final farewell. And it would be such a great thing to perform for, but sadly not.”

Whatever, Mel C was always my least favorite anyway, so it would make sense that she would be the one to do this to me. I wish she would just stop doing her awful solo music and stop talking (reasonable and well-deserved) trash about Rihanna and realize that if she truly wants to make people happy, if she wants to reach out to the world with her gift of song, there is only one way for her to do that. And that is in a sports bra with four other broads singing about nonsense.

Really though, and this is what everyone who is talking about this is saying, I bet the issue is Victoria Beckham. She’s by far the most successful Spice Girl, plus she has four young children to look after, so I guess it makes sense that she’s not itching to put on that little Gucci dress and hop back on stage with the other ladies. Still, that doesn’t make this hurt any less, does it?

“It probably won’t happen ever again. I’m still absolutely blown away that we did more than one show. So right now I’m thinking this is it. This is the last time you will ever get to see this Girl Power, the five Spices on stage as one.”

Geri Halliwell, to Billboard, regarding the possibility of another Spice Girls reunion.