Tough Love for Comics

No time for fancy intros and outros, I have been told we are hurtling towards the HALFWAY POINT of the series, and so things will start happening at a breakneck speed! Let’s go!

pp. 1-4: Off-panel, the C-List Monitor Posse teleported over to Earth-8, aka Angor, aka a planet with a really convoluted history that used to be â€œA thinly veiled version of Marvel Comics only the whole planet got blown up in a nuclear warâ€. But this is part of the 52, and much like Earth-3 presumably has little in common with previous incarnations. Also off panel, the Extremists (a group of supervillains who destroyed and/or took over the world) beat down the CLMP and now have them as captives. This strikes Gun-Toting Monitor as the perfect time to strike! Although I should point out, since they have not yet named Gun-Toting Monitor and have neglected to stick with any visual aids to let us know if this is Bob the Good Monitor, Gun-Toting Monitor, or Some Other Monitor, I am really just assuming this is the Gun-Toting Monitor. He does have an arsenal of guns, after all. But whatever happened to the early appearances when there were Bearded Monitors, Lady Monitors, Giraffe Monitors, Anti-Monitors, Fat Monitors, Skinny Monitors, etc? That seems more viable than 52 identical people running around fighting with each other.

pp. 5-6: After freaking out and running away from Cadmus â€œfive minutes agoâ€, Jimmy reforms into a regular human and once again exhibits his mysterious power of â€œknowing he is being followedâ€. He freaks out in the sewers before realizing that itâ€™s just his old pals the Newsboy Legion, who, were, uhâ€¦ looking for Jimmy in the sewers, because they were nostalgic for the old Jack Kirby Jimmy Olsen series, where they all palled around with Jimmy and the New Gods. The death of their friend Lightray made them decide itâ€™d be a good idea to look around in the sewers, I guess? This isnâ€™t really explained. Itâ€™s also not explained why Tommy and Big Words (who is never named) are being drawn like theyâ€™re full-grown adults, while Scrapper and Gabby (who is also never named) are being drawn as if theyâ€™re eight years old. Also, where is Flippa Dippa? You are dragging up every single Jack Kirby creation on the planet, where the hell is Flippa Dippa? Theyâ€™re in the sewers! FLIP WAS MADE FOR THIS KIND OF ACTION! Anyway, Jimmy is relived to be â€œamong friendsâ€¦ finally!â€ Because spending time with douchebags he hates like Project Cadmus, Steel, Superman, the Justice League and Teen Titans was really starting to wear on him. I assume this means the Newsboy Legion is working for Darkseid.

pp. 7-8: Regarding last weekâ€™s cliffhanger: no, Holly and Harley do not die. They make it safely to the shores of Paradise Island. Oh, and the eyeless sharks they were fighting last week have turned into big green sea monsters that appear to have eyes, or at least eye sockets. Oh well!

pp. 9-10: Speaking of cliffhangers, last week we saw the unnamed Double Down hijacking the Roguesâ€™ car by threatening to slit Piperâ€™s throat. We rejoin them this week, sitting down to a nice meal in a diner with Double Down! He apologizes for that whole misunderstanding with the throat slitting, and talks about how there is this mini-series Salvation Run coming out next month, which is all about the villains the Suicide Squad is capturing being sent to a wacky prison planet. As if on cue, the Suicide Squad arrives!

pp. 11-13: Mary Marvel has decided to become the old crazy Jerry Siegel Spectre, except she doesnâ€™t appear to be interested in punishing the guilty, just being an asshole to anyone she sees.. She came to a drought-ravaged farming village in Turkey and when they asked her to make it rain, she turned the entire place into a flooded wasteland and then turned their cows into fish and threatened to turn the farmers into fish too. She says she finds being a horrible asshole â€œfreeingâ€, and seems to really get off on it. Eclipso thinks this is great, and makes elliptical mention of her big evil plan. So if youâ€™re looking for a short update here: Mary Marvel is turning evil!

p. 14: Wow, a lot of drive-bys in this issue â€“ one page to let everyone know that the Extremists have the CLMP captive, and that Gun Toting Monitor is coming! In case you missed these plot points ten pages ago.

p 15: Karate Kid, Una, Buddy Blank and Kamandi (come on, that kid is so obviously Kamandi) ask Brother Eye to explain why he said â€œthe Great Disaster has come to meâ€ last issue. Instead, Brother Eye proclaims that he is lonely, and that he will seal all of them into the mountain with him â€“ FOREVER!

pp. 16-20: Man, the Multiverse Sideplot Clusterfuck begins in earnest! Evil Monitor shows up to murder the C-List Monitor Posse! The Extremists think Evil Monitor is attacking them, and decide to fight him! The CLMP are freed in the struggle! Gun-Toting Monitor brags about killing Duela Dent, which pisses off Jokester something fierce! Then Monarch and Forerunner show up, I guess to kill Gun-Toting Monitor. GTM escapes, but on the way out manages to shoot Jokester in the back, killing him! Jokester says â€œRosebudâ€! Oh, a funnyman to the end! It seems like only three weeks ago when they introduced you and devoted an entire issue to your goofy-ass origin, Jokester. And now youâ€™re gone. You will live on, though, every time a coloring error affects a panel with the Joker on it! In honor of the late Jokester, Batman has announced that he will be choosing Earth-Everything-Gets-a-Cash-In-Book-by-Jeph-Loeb to jjoin his Downcounters!