Monday, January 14, 2013

This Week's Going To Be Fantastic, I Can Feel It In My Scranus!

Some people may thrive on little virtual gold stars from Strava, but for me the best rides are the ones with a compelling narrative structure, and I went on one such ride this past weekend. Indeed, the route could have been devised by Robert McKee himself. First we crossed the Foggy Bridge Of Mystery:

Then we passed over the Mighty Falls Of Despair:

And finally we basked in the azure splendor of the Blue Beacon of Hope:

Owww! Talk about sitting on the fence! [Kindly click this link now.] Of course, as always, feel free to leave your own intriguingly disgusting theories as to why that iron rod is wearing a prophylactic in the comments section.

Speaking of the comments section of this blog, you may have noticed that in recent weeks it has become rife with what tech geeks call "spam." This saddens me. In "real life" I believe we should all carefully consider what we say, but on the Internet I believe there should be as few steps as possible between having an inane thought and publishing it online. That's why I've never moderated comments or required logins or anything like that. Sure, some bloggers like to sit around plucking and preening their comment sections like Mario Cipollini tending to his pubic hair, but I prefer Internet interaction to be wild and woolly, and to reflect sort of a 1970s personal grooming (or lack thereof) sensibility.

Also, I'm lazy as fuck.

Nevertheless, it's gotten to the point that the sheer volume of spam has become onerous, so by way of doing something I've switched on this thingy that makes you type in characters to prove you're not a robot. Hopefully it works and it isn't too tedious, and of course if you've got any better ideas I'd love to hear them, but I'm telling you right now they better be very easy to implement because I didn't become a bike blogger in order to work.

No, I became a bike blogger in order to get a free Scattante, which is why I should have quit years ago.

The other thing that sucks about spam is that it winds up on old posts too. Sure, I could close the comments after a certain amount of time, but the fact is that people still weigh in with important insights months or even years after a post is published. For example, I was manscaping the comments section for spam this morning when I noticed a comment from yesterday on a post about top tube pads from 2007:

Nothing more heartwarming than an earnestly condescending comment about a trend that's been over for at least four years now.

Anyway, this whole spamming saga (when you're a blogger with no real job dealing with spam actually qualifies as a "saga") has brought me to an important realization, which is this:

If you could remotely kill a spammer with the click of a mouse I wouldn't hesitate to do it.

However, if after clicking the mouse there was a pop-up that said, "Warning: Killing this spammer will also cause his entire family to starve to death. Do you want to continue?," I would not. Instead, I'd just call out, "Honey, I have Cheetos all over my fingers. Can you just hit this enter key for me?" That way, I didn't do it and she didn't know, and everybody's happy. (At least everybody who matters.)

So basically, I have no problem with my actions resulting in awful things happening to people, just as long as there's a middleman. That's why I buy gasoline and Apple products.

In true Hollywood fashion, the team, which included home favourite Ted King, Damiano Caruso and neo-pro Guillame Boiwin, entered the fray from a hummer limo, making their way to the auditorium via a black carpet.

Was this a team presentation or a Long Island prom? I'm amazed that in 2013 companies are still launching professional bike racing teams with such fanfare. If anything, I'd think they'd want to let the teams pass unnoticed, like a fart on an airplane. Plus, between all the doping scandals and the fact that it was the same weekend as the Golden Globes it's hard to imagine that any media in Los Angeles would come out to see a bunch of European men in sickly green Lycra. I'm even more amazed that Ivan Basso is still racing at all, and apparently even he was embarrassed to be there:

Either that or it gets very cold in Los Angeles.

I wonder if Basso is part of that "new era of transparency" all the teams are talking about these days. You may recall that years back Basso was suspended not for doping but for "attempting to dope," and I'm not sure how it's possible to fail at doping when your own sister is a drug dealer:

Or like failing to get stoned while hanging out with Woody Harrelson--who, I was surprised to learn, is also a cyclist. As it happens, I was watching an interview with him last night in which he mentioned he likes to ride his bike in New York City. So I took to the Internet, where I discovered another older interview in which he tells an amusing antidote (that's stupid for "anecdote") to David Letterman about engaging in some Cat 6 racing antics and then crashing into a tree:

I was entertained until I actually saw Harrelson's bike, which retroactively ruined the story:

I am not a robot. Seriously, if I'm going to be interrogated like this, I'm going to start selling stuff. Or not. Must really mess up the podium race and for that reason alone it's totally worth it. Third! Oh, WTF, 19th?

I also hate the fuzzy letters in the nonsense words. My eyesight is feeble enough without having to decipher what appears to be a physician's handwriting in order to leave a meaningless comment on a bike blog.

I was flying back from San Francisco on the germ tube last week and the only movie option possible was Premium Rush.

Thank God for Air Canada barf bags... I held it in until those memorable lines, "...take off dem brakes..dat shit is dangerous".

Gotta love the premise that bike couriers are really geniuses making a moral lifestyle decision and they could be brain surgeons if they wanted to. In a few years, I expect my urologist to have a face tattoo of a Campy chainring.

Hugh Jackman made a remark about having his bike wheels stolen outside his audition for Les Mis last night at the GGs. He also forgave the thief but that might be due to his experiences as Jean Valjean

If only the conditions weren't muddy, then those bikes would have better brakeen. Organizers should work more in tandem with Idus Try to stop the rampant failures of new design and subsequent job loss.

Doesn't mud get on the rims too? Why would that be any more of a problem for disc brakes than for rim brakes? If muddy or wet rims/discs are such a big problem, maybe they should all ride Dutch bikes with drum brakes. It would be hilarious watching someone try to run with a 100lb bike, like the start of the cycling portion of a triathlon.

Also, the first part of my CAPTCHA here isn't even a word. It's a photo with a non-letter symbol in it. WTF?

snobby - considering that you've sired at the minimum 17 offspring, I'm wondering if you were more intrigued simply by the existence of this so-called "prophylactic" than you were in its rather precarious predicament. The color indicates that this is likely the once-sterile hospital-issue cover for a rectal probe - typically used in "alien abductions."

...okay...so the basis for the old "...hundred monkeys theorem..." roughly states that "... if you left a hundred monkeys in front of a hundred typewriters for a hundred years eventually you’d manage to get a Shakespearean sonnet..."...

...going with that basic premise, i'm waiting for an interesting & logical, if not enlightening post at some point from the computer generated anti-spam procedural...

Three Laws of Robotics:1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.2. A robot must obey orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

Thank God you got rid of those spammers. Bastards have been making my life a living hell. So I'm here to say don't bother looking for my fucking web site, I don't have one. I run a goddamn store on a goddamn street, just off Main downtown. Do I got Louboutins and Blahniks? Fuck yeah. And Keds. And this trendy Ecco shit and some Italian brands you never heard of. So get off the computer and get your lazy ass down here and buy some fucking shoes.

Mr. Shoe, that is the most eloquent thing I've read today. I couldn't agree more about the spammers and how they've hurt our businesses. Yes, I sell Mont Blancs, but I'll also steer you toward an Esterbrook, or Sheaffer, or Waterman, if that's your budget. Osmiroid is an affordable choice for those who like a distinctive hand. I too have no website, so please stop in. And if I see the guy from the headphone shop, I'll tell him about your comment.

...whilst everyone else practiced in training facilities, the edmonton oilers pulled of a great promotional coup for their fans by holding their first practice back on an outside rink in just jerseys, jeans, skates, sticks & (wait for it) - toques...

Is it just an Urban Myth that if you don't get the captcha right after the third try the next thing that happens is Sarah Conner knocks on the door of your trailer? The reason I am asking is it took me four trys to get this comme...

BGW. Yes the Oilers had a "shinny" game at a local outdoor skating venue but I kind of lost that lovin feelin this morning when it was described on the radio as an "impromptu" game. Blatant display publicity mongering in my opinion.

...@ boys on the hoods...ya, i know what 'cha mean but it was an 'attempt' by the local pros, ya ???...

...face it...the owners only allowed this to end now because they were so aware of the ill will created that if they waited 'til next season to come back, fans would leave a lotta empty seats all next year...

...this way, they lose out to some partially filled barns this year but they know, we, being hockey fans, pissed as we are, will be back in droves next year...

Then it says "Type the two words:"There are two words in the above sample, "Is" and "End." I am certain if I typed those two words as per the instructions, I would not be able to post this comment. Therefore, I will type what the two groups of characters are instead.

So am I a robot? Or am I a human who ignores the directions and does it the way I want to.

Snob, we're all so faithful to your blog and your blog only, this whole capcha thing is a totally new thing to us that we've never seen before so you'll have to excuse our incredulity at this novel invention, in this, the year of our Lob, 2000. Wait, what? Capchas have been around for thirteen years? They're not this new thingy exclusive to the BSNYC blog? Well, at least some of the spammers will be blocked. This according to that online user generated encyclopaedia.

In February 2008, it was reported that spammers had achieved a success rate of 30% to 35%, using a bot to respond to CAPTCHAs for Microsoft's Live Mail service[21] and a success rate of 20% against Google's Gmail CAPTCHA.[22] A Newcastle University research team has defeated the segmentation part of Microsoft's CAPTCHA with a 90% success rate, and reported that this could lead to a complete crack with a greater than 60% rate.

Croton Dam, actually. Glad to see BS is exploring the Aqueduct trail's many interesting features. For those who don't know, the OCA trail crosses through many back yards, sometimes within a few feet of homes, making it second only to the Highline in peeping Tom opportunities on public land. I await his report on the habits, tastes and manners of the many homeowners whose lives are laid bare.

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Dear Wildcat,I have done a vast amount of doping, but I have never been hooked on anything as hard core as you.I go through painful withdrawl at the end of every week, knowing it will be at least two days before I get my next bike snob fix.Sure, I can, and do read your old posts, but that is like smoking resin when you run out of the Wednesday weed.Yeah, it will get you by, but it's not nearly as satisfying as the real thing.It would be awesome if I had a couple nuggets of bike snob to get me through this long weekend.Could you help me out, I'm already jones'n. signed your faithful reader

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!