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Friday, October 14, 2011

The Bully

Am I the only one who is sick and tired of bullies? It seems like they are a necessary evil in life like taxes and rain but it breaks my heart when my nine year old daughter tells me she is being bullied. All too soon, memories of my less than glamorous middle school self just come rushing back. What I often wonder is why as women we need to put each other down so much in order for other women to like us. Layla told me that there is a group of girls at school that have been cutting in front of her at school and have called her the...gasp...N word. I have feared the N word from when she was in preschool and had no clue who Hannah Montana was but could tell you all you needed to know about elephants. I told her the N word is what insecure people use because you are different and smarter than them. I also told her that I too had once-upon-a-time been called the N word as well...but now proudly embrace it. In kid terms, the N word is NERD! what is so bad about that word? If being a nerd means you are different, smarter and more culturally astute than your peers, then I am a nerd all the way. It is the nerds in life that become Steve Jobs. If the calculation to sucess in your adolescent years is a multiplier of who you put down to get on top combined with perceived beauty and athleteisim..then probably about 85% of us are royally screwed. So I am doing my daughter a service by saying this...bullies are not cool.

There are words that put a wrinkle right in the center of my nose..they are cliques and popularity. I wanted to tell my daughter that it was going to get better as an adult..that clicques would magically go away and that people weren't going to be judged based on how many friends they had but I knew that would be a lie and that after pretending things like there is a fat man who comes down our chimeny every hear and brings you presents if you are good (for a month before) I couldn't continue to sugar coat real life for her. The only thing I could tell her is to be true to herself and hope for the best...and enlist some good friends for standby when life throws you a wrench. I know as an adult, I don't function well with groups. I am wired for one one or a few conversation. I am too weird for everything else and I will have to say it may have taken me over twenty years, but I am perfectly ok with that.

I guess you will never grow out of popularity contests. At times life can be one big popularity contest. I truly beleive in my heart that my Lucky story was just as good as the people who had 25K votes. I just don't have the popularity or pizzazz to take it to that level. I tried and I can sleep at night knowing that (1) the people that really matter in my life supported me and (2) althought there was the temptation to cheat and vote for myself over and over again...I did not. (too much). I will always stand behind the quality of what I do and if that doesn't make me popular then I guess I am just as nerdy as I want to be. I do beleive in the karmic mantra "what goes around comes around"...and as I pointed out in yesterday's post, the fashion Gods took care of me. To sav my wounds of not winning, I treated myself to a little browse around TJ Maxx at lunch yesterday. Do you remember that scene in Little Shop of Horrors when Rick Morranis turned around to find a truly unique gem of a plant sitting on a stand of otherwise ordinary ones? Well somewhere in the section of designer dud boots selection, a pair of beautiful Cole Haan black boots appeared..in a size 7.5.(I am hoping my boots do not comef alive and start killing off my enemies). For those of you that aren't fashion boots saavy, these gems are real leather with a Nike coushion sole. They are mastered for design and comfort. They were a perfect black with a touch of brown trim in a 3.5 dark wood grain heel. (the Holy Grail of boots). Since they retail near the $400 mark, I have had them on the "if I win the lottery" list. Well, I kid you not..my hands shook as I picked up this pair of stunning boots and had to do a double take at the $99 price tag. The corners of my mouth were shaking in line holding my prize not to have the most giddy of smiles on my face. I am not sure I could recreate that smile if I had won the 10K (I am sure I could come close). I took a picture of them and sent them to a couple of my friends the way a mother does soon after giving birth. As I sit her basking in the smell of real leather mixed with sheer beauty...I know that these boots are the investment of the century for me. With every bad comes a good, and if it meant finding boots like these, I would get rejected every day for not being popular enough...because now I am a nerd in a great pair of boots.

3 comments:

When I was in elementary school I too was bullied. My parents taught me that there's only one way to stand up to them: a punch in the face. They never believed in taking the high road (that leads nowhere, IMO) - give then a taste of their own medicine. Contrary to everyone's beliefs they were 100% right. I got into some fights in school but since then no bully dared to get near me. That's my unconventional story but hey - it worked.

To the outfit: I love your boots! I think I saw similar ones in Marshalls this season and have been contemplating getting them. You have a great blog with a great premise - go bargain hunting!

I wish I would have stuck up for my self more when I was younger. I tried to just ignore..but that wasn't always easy. I told my daughter to confront her bullies. While I didn't tell her to throw punches...I did tell her to ask them straight out what their problem was with her. Sometimes you need to be unconventional to resolve conflict..what ever works!!!

Thanks for the outfit compliments. I am addicted to a good bargain. It is so much more validating than paying full price!

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I am a busy mother of four who loves to write. The Pursuit is exactly that, a journey. It is failure, self discovery, humor and all the wonderful things that make me human. I can't promise perfection but I hope you will join me on this adventure.