Audi owner ruins sex session by pulling out without warning

Sex with an Audi driver has been described as being ‘as good as his driving’ this morning, after what was expected to be a marathon session ended when he abruptly whipped out and shoved off with no warning.

Audi owner Simon Williams, who had managed to get a lady into bed with him by not letting on he was an Audi driver, faces criticism after his lovemaking technique was described as ‘trying to get where he’s going as fast as possible without worrying about what anyone else thinks’.

“I had a feeling it wasn’t going to be all I hoped for when he spent all evening trying to get up my rear end whilst blinking furiously,” said partner Holly Morris, who frankly had been expecting something a bit more impressive.

“He knew I was coming. He could clearly see I was on my way quite fast, and yet he just pulled out anyway, without giving any indication and he even expected me to give way,” she added.

“I just screeched to a halt and waited until he’d gone before having to jump start myself with a little mechanical assistance.”

Williams defended himself, telling us, “Don’t be so ridiculous. I got where I was going precisely when I wanted to. If you can’t keep up, that’s on you.”