I just found out that Lisa Leonard is having a sale where buyers will receive 25% off their entire order TODAY ONLY (April 23, 2014):

Be sure to use the code "momlove" to receive your discount.

And since we're on the subject of Mother's Day, please be sure to check out some great ideas for the shops with whom I partner as an affiliate. Remember, every time you click through to make an online purchase, someone is earning affiliate revenue-- Why not support your favorite writers??? (and if you ever click my affiliate links--THANK YOU!):

December 14, 2013

Ninety-nine percent of the time, I agree: It is better to give than to receive. The one time of year I would disagree is at Christmas.

Yes, Christmas.

Now before you think I'm the Most Awful Person in the World, let me clarify:

I enjoy receiving Christmas cards a thousand times more than I enjoy giving them. I want to read your two-page Christmas letter. I love being able to see your children grow up in their pictures year to year. Christmas is the one time of year my mailbox is well-fed with Real Mail--she's never more fat and happy.

I know a lot of you haven't gotten them done, and you've probably even given up, but It Is Not Too Late. People will be thrilled to receive them whenever.

This week I was thrilled when Minted contacted me for a site review in exchange for some credits toward my purchase, because they know there are lots of last-minute card senders like me. I had actually been trying to decide which card to order from them because my friend Jessica had introduced me to Minted a while back and raved about their quality. After I looked through their beautiful holiday designs, I knew I had to get them out this year, no matter when they'll arrive.

If you sign up through my link, you're going to get $25 off your order (I didn't even realize that when they reached out to me--I discovered their referral program when I clicked around myself). I'd sign up this weekend if I were you--I also received an email this morning that offered an email-only incentive (free custom stationary if I ordered by Monday and met a minimum), so maybe you could receive that, too, if you act quickly.

There's plenty of time to get your cards back and out before Christmas. Or...chose a broader holiday theme and get them out with the New Year (since all five of us won't be together until next weekend, I'm kinda forced to do that unless I chose a collage card....).

Yes, it takes a little time to choose a design and upload your picture(s) (Minted makes that part easy). Yes, it's not cheap to purchase cards and then cover the postage to mail them. I see it as an investment in those for whom you might not be in close touch, but still have sweet affections. And really, cards are a small gift in and of itself these days, a treasure. How else can you explain that everyone in my family looks at and reads every card we receive? Teenagers, for goodness sakes!

Q. Do you share my enthusiasm for Christmas cards and annual letters? What's the earliest you've ever received a Christmas card (I've gotten one the day after Thanksgiving! Wow...!). What's the latest you've ever received one (I got one in February last year! Loved it!)?

Oh, and BTdubs, have you seen my new site? Pensieve is still around for now, but it won't be forever (soon it will re-direct)...DO come visit!

November 21, 2013

Once your children start leaving for college, the significance of holidays is magnified: they're some of the few times you can count on having everyone around your table. For me, now with two in college, I'm counting down the days for their Thanksgiving break with the same rabid anticipation I had when I was eight marking the days for Christmas.

That was on my mind this morning while sipping my first cup of coffee. Mentally thumbing through ideas to make our time together special, it occurred to me--

I couldn't remember a single Thanksgiving meal with my parents!

That's not so surprising having lost my mom to cancer when I was nine, but not to remember anything beyond general gatherings horrified me. My mind drifted to a story Don Miller shared in a A Million Miles in a Thousand Years when he and a group of friends met Bob Goff, author of Love Does (but then unpublished). On a kayaking trip, Don's group happened upon Bob's home on the water. Crazy, but Bob's family invited this group of strangers in for food; they spent a wonderful day together, and when it was time for Don and his crew to leave, when they were in their boats out in the water, all Bob's family jumped off the dock FULLY CLOTHED as they hollered their good-byes. They didn't just stand there and wave LIKE EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD would have done, they constructed a fantastical memory!

Stephen was at the table eating breakfast when I shared my realization out loud. "Mom, you know I don't like it when you talk like that..." which is true, I'm aware. This is my cheerful child and if he suspects I'm sad, he doesn't quite know what to do with it. Typically he'll try to halt the conversation.

But since he's the only kid left at home, and because I've repeatedly explained to him I'm not actually sad so much as processing out loud, he quickly regrouped and continued, "...but if you need to talk about it keep going."

I assured him I was fine, but with my morning realization came a heap of resolve: this Thanksgiving was going to be memorable. In addition to our children being home, we're hosting my husband's parents, his brother and their young children...grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, siblings and us.

"I can't do anything about our past butwhat can we do to make THIS year's Thanksgiving unforgettable?" I punched the words into the space in between us, begging his ideas.

Without missing a beat and in all seriousness he was ready with an answer--

"Well, we can eat Thanksgiving dinner naked...."

blink blink

Maybe general memories of life around our table aren't so bad after all.

November 19, 2013

One of my most popular posts of all time is my graduation gift ideas post; it's a carefully curated list enthusiastically approved and eagerly endorsed by my children and their friends. My niece said, "It's a good list, Aunt Robin--I can't think of anything to add." She's the one who recommended the darling Scout Be-Low-Me Under Bed Stowage, declaring that of all things was her favorite graduation gift.

Since that post was published during graduation season, I thought it might be helpful to offer a Christmas version, just in time for Black Friday. Out of curiosity, I searched the top 20 items sold through Amazon from my list; I've noted a few comments on some of the items:

Brilliantly marketed to the fraternity-inclined, college-bound set, Chubbies Shorts have won over my high school son and his friends, too. They don't buy just one pair, they buy multiple. While I'm not fond of some of their ads (geared toward those of legal drinking age), Chubbies harken back to the the shorts of our grandfathers. Don't try to understand them. But make sure your boys have a pair or two.

2. Collectible ornaments. The Christmas we got married, I tied dozens of bows to decorate our tree. We had a few first-year-of-marriage ornaments, a few we each brought from home, but mostly our little frazier fir was barren.

This won't be the case for my babies; between my mother-in-law and me, we've selected special ornaments for them each year. This year they'll receive Lisa Leonard's "My Holly" ornaments personalized with their initial and name. (Use the Coupon Code HollyJolly through 12/25/13 for an additional 15% savings if you order anything from Lisa's shop!!)

3. Dorm art. This is a fun, inexpensive sticking-out-of-their-stocking stuffer, and at allposters.com, there are zillions to choose from.

4. Jewelry. Rings, earrings, necklaces and bracelets and even sports watches are dynamite in small packages. I love the faith-inspired collection at DaySpring--it's not "too" Jesusy. (DaySpring also has some KILLER Super Deals through Black Friday at 60-70% off!). Plus, I reeeally like the vintage typewriter key necklace (for voracious readers and budding writers) and gold hoop earrings at Lisa Leonard Designs.

Good earbuds (you pay more for the good ones! At a minimum, something like these Sony's.)

7. I received an email from a dear friend in response to my post that insisted gloves, a 3-in-1 windbreaker, good rain boots and a bubble umbrella are necessary; on a blustery, rainy day, I suppose most students would agree :).

November 17, 2013

November 16, 2013

He asked me two months ago if I minded if he went; it would mean we wouldn't spend our anniversary together.

It didn't matter to me in the least; I'm married to him not a day, and I knew we'd celebrate sometime close enough for it to count. For him to realize the significance of the date that far in advance was a gift--

Remembrance.

* * *

I awakened to the sound of a a distant train's whistle, a kiss on the cheek, and two words.

Happy anniversary.

Light from a cracked-open door cut through morning's murky fog, the one in my darkened room and groggy head. He was already out the door for work.

* * *

He picked up lunch for us on his way out of town, forgetting the sauces I asked for, the chicken nugget equivalent of dry toast. I ate 'em anyway. He saved me 45 calories.

Then he stole my sweet tea and was on his way.

* * *

The baby remembered about four o'clock.

"Oh, yeah, it's your anniversary. Happy anniversary."

No fanfare, a simple acknowledgment.

The middle one remembered about 7:00. His came by way of text.

I replied by telling him I was impressed he remembered and he countered, "I always remember that."

As well he should; it's the reason he's alive.

The oldest one didn't exactly remember, but in a turn of serendipitous timing, a love note arrived from her in the mail. Because this one knows me so well, she pee-pee-essed it by telling me if I shared its contents online, she'd... well, I can't tell you what she'd do, because that's part of the contents and I'm afraid she'd make good her threat.

I think I'm free to admit I smiled, cried, then laughed out loud, all of which she calculated.

* * *

Marriage is complicated.

Marriage is complicated because people are complicated.

You take two different people with very strong personalities, tendencies, natural bents, fuse them together into one whole, and they're still two very different people with very strong personalities, tendencies and bents.

In the beginning opposites attract.

There's no doubt love is blind.

But over time, the oppositeness can make you wonder What in THE world was I thinking?!

Over time, the oppositeness can drive a wedge.

Over time, the oppositeness can wear you out, seed resentment...cause some people to believe leaving is a better option.

All the years have taught me at least one thing:

There's no such thing as greener grass. It might look brighter and better at first, but it'll weather and whither like all the others eventually. Guaranteed.

Over time, that oppositeness is likely making you better. Oppositeness is sandpaper, refining fire, a gritty rub, a shaping heat...effecting change from the outside in.

Oppositeness isn't bad; it's a change agent for your good.

Opposites complete each other, making a well-rounded whole.

* * *

He called on his way home to let me know when to expect him.

He heard it in my voice. A catch. What I hoped was imperceptible hesitation.

Of course, he had no way of knowing, but he caught me in an unguarded moment, a sinking spell, the kind that grips you by the throat and slams you face first into a puddle at the bottom of an endless pit.

That's when he called and I probably shouldn't have answered but I thought I could get through the call without giving it away.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing," I replied.

"What's wrong?" he demanded.

Silence while I shoved the tears back down my throat, "I'm fine...."

"You can't fool me," which obviously, I couldn't, but by now I was winning control of my bloody mutinous emotions, and more evenly I mustered, "I'm okay."

He waved a white flag.

* * *

Twenty-six years is something to celebrate.

Sometimes marriage is butterflies and sunshine, ooey and gooey and can't-get-enoughness, but experience has taught me it's marathon not sprint, and that love is least of all, a feeling.

Love is endurance, determination and commitment. You discover the means to this end by being patient, kind, unselfish and forebearing; and by not being arrogant, envious, insistent, irritable, resentful or rude.

Love usually doesn't happen in a moment, it happens in a life.

And it's how, after 26 years, no matter what has happened between then and now...

November 15, 2013

I guess I've been living under a rock, but I've totally missed the news that an epic production of the story of Noah and the Ark was being filmed, directed by Darren Aronofsky and starrring Hollywood A-listers Russell Crowe, Sir Anthony Hopkins, Jennifer Connelly and Emma Watson. The trailer looks promising. It's not due out until March of next year, but I'm already eager to see the screen adaptation. Anyone heard how true to scripture the screenplay is?

November 13, 2013

For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7b

i.

I remember the night my father died.

I was sitting alone in our playroom, mindlessly watching tv while the
rest of my house was asleep. My phone buzzed later than people know
better to call, and as soon as I heard my sister's voice, I knew.
We had been waiting, praying no longer for miracle or life but for
soul's release from a shriveled mind and tortured body. She had been
with him in that holy moment when this life enters the next; his
firstborn child and the boss of me most of my life. It was fitting she
should receive that honor.

The walls in our playroom are cool
flame, its ceiling, robin's egg blue. For a second the world stopped
spinning and I was consumed by fire and sky. I was an orphan.

Fourteen
months earlier my father had a near-fatal reaction to an antipsychotic
medication used to treat Alzheimers. We extensively researched his
symptoms and what we suspected was confirmed after his death: he had
suffered from Lewy Body Dementia,
not Alzheimers. No one in our medical community seemed to fully
understand or even know about LBD--it was first randomly introduced to
me when I ran into a friend at the grocery store as we exchanged
"catch-up" stories; she listened to me describe my father, and then
explained his behavior exactly mirrored her mother's.

There's much more to all that - how the medical community failed my father over and over - but in a very real way, that horrific 14 months when child and parent reverse roles was a gift to us. Daddy would never again walk unassisted, he could barely self-feed and he required 24-hour care when not hospitalized.

Because 24-hour care isn't fully covered by insurance, my siblings and I took turns by his side.

We were captive to one another.

ii.

Daddy was Jewish and Mama was a Christian. His faith, at least on the surface, meant little to him, but hers meant everything.

During
her five-year battle with cancer, she found a church home she knew
would love us well. She accepted her days were numbered and that she
wouldn't be there to nurture our faith. Her dying wish to my father was that he would continue taking us to Sunday school and church.

Mama
died when I was nine and Daddy kept that promise. I was oblivious,
then, to realize he dropped his country club membership and gave up golf
to do so. While he didn't attend with us, he was faithful to take
us. He stacked quarters every week for us to take, too; a small,
consistent offering we were thrilled to be able to give.

There
were three exceptions to his attendance: if my siblings and I were
performing, Christmas and Easter. What may be rich in irony is trumped
with one thing:

Daddy heard the Gospel.

iii.

Daddy
watched a lot of television, mostly sports, and he had a fascination
with TV preachers. He made fun of Ernest Angley but didn't say much
when Billy Graham was on.

Daddy heard the Gospel.

A lot.

iv.

It's hard to share your faith with your family. I suppose there are as many different reasons why as there are individuals.

I recall only one time I initiated a conversation with my father about the Lord. I was in college, home for the weekend.

I
was nervous, fearing his response. Rejection? Mockery? I had low
expectation but was determined, concerned for the state of his soul.

"Daddy,
I know you love me more than anything, and I believe if you thought my
life was in danger, you'd do anything in your power to save me...." I began. "I'm concerned for your eternal life..." and before I could say much else, he interrupted--

November 11, 2013

Bargain shoppers can't help but tell EVERYONE about bargains we find, CAN WE?!

Today starts a three-week binge of bargains at DaySpring, some items 70% off (no coupon code required). At these prices, I don't know how long there will be availability, so if you see something you like, grab 'em while you can (a while back I waited and missed out on one of my favorite things....). Each Monday be sure to check back--eight products will be added every week.

Yes, Christmas is a ways away, but if you'd like something personalized and ready to hang on your tree after Thanksgiving, you'll want to order now to 1) get them in time, and 2) save 15%! Just use the code hollyjolly at checkout (good through 12/25/13). At just $20 before savings, these ornaments make a great new baby or wedding gift, and I love having one for each of my children.

Ornaments are an important part of our Christmas tradition; it's not just about hanging trinkets on a tree, each one means something special. There's so much heart behind Lisa's pieces, so I hope you'll make room on your tree for a few of your own :). (Follow Lisa on Instagram, Twitter or Pinterest to discover even more treasures.)

Note: Lisa gifted our ornaments and I've used affiliate links in my post; which means I'm especially thankful if you should click through my site to purchase, and even thankfuler to friends willing to share my post with your friends!!

November 08, 2013

"Our verbal expressions are the most vivid exposé of what is in our heart." ~ Mr. Jimmy Carter, 39th President of the United States, during his teaching on James 1:22-27, 11/3/13

I remember being skeptical the first time I heard Jimmy Carter taught a Sunday school class at Maranatha Baptist Church, his home church in Plains, GA since leaving office in 1981. A former U.S. president serving as a Sunday school teacher in a teensy Southern town after leaving the most powerful elected office in the world? I imagined little more than a few appearances a year, minimal substance and a lot of barriers between congregants and him.

Never have I been more delighted to be wrong.

Forget your politics. Check your perceptions, prejudices and political persuasion at the door. Who you will meet is an articulate, compassionate, intelligent, humble, Godly statesman. Though I'm on constant guard not to be a respecter of people and putter on a pedestaler, I was taken aback by his warmth, candor, self-effacing-yet-strong demeanor, charm, kindness...and countenance. His face radiated from within, and thoughts of Moses after receiving the Ten Commandments and the transfiguration of Christ came to mind.

Seriously. His face shone like the sun.

In today's post I'm going to focus on his remarks and morning lesson; but I'll follow this with a broader view of our visit and what you can expect (with a lot more pictures!) should you decide to attend one of his classes. Please hear me at full volume--

I believe every American should make the pilgrimage to Plains, Georgia to hear Mr. Carter teach.

Never has there been this type of accessibility to our leader of the free world--non-political, not a $1,000 a plate fundraiser, simply an hour with a man who served as president of the United States.

And should you remain for the service following his lesson, you'll have opportunity for a photo with him and his wife, Rosalynn.

* * * * *

Disclaimer: I scribbled as fast as I could during his lesson; it is my sincere hope I'm accurately relaying Mr. Carter's words, but please read them with a generous spirit, understanding I might've missed or misunderstood some things. NOTE: if I've used quotes, that likely means I'm sure I captured the words or sentence verbatim.)

Remark and information shared prior to teaching.

Mr. Carter is one of The Elders, an "independent group of global leaders who work together for peace and human rights" and founded in 2007 by Nelson Mandela. In a way that in no way diminished their work, he jokingly referred to the group as "political has-beens." Which I guess is technically accurate.

A key function of The Elders is their ability to go to places difficult (or impossible) for current presidents or world leaders to visit (or even talk to) due to political backlash.

One of his concerns expressed upon the advent of the new millennium was the growing disparity between rich and poor people; 98% of the increase in income went to the top 10% of the richest people.

Today, one of the world's greatest issues is the abuse of women and girls. My understanding is that he was referring to multiple issues (my notes aren't 100% clear, so please look at these as conversation points, not an exact representation of his words)

the plague of abortion (160 million children never permitted to have life). In many countries, they're forced; sometimes due to gender--boys are desired over girls, and this has caused a dearth of brides in the countries that abort based on gender. Which leads to the next abuse...

Human trafficking. Slavery today is greater than any other time in history; estimates of over 27 million being forced to work without pay. Girls are sold as brides, women and children are brutally prostituted against their will).

Mr. Carter stated he was "bothered personally" about the abuse of women and girls, and he said he was completing writing a book this week that in some way will address the issue.

Some view book of James as incompatible with other new testament books.

Martin Luther didn't like this book because of works works works.

James was 1/2 brother to Jesus and patriarch of the early Christian church in Jerusalem.

James was not an evangelist; he wasn't trying to convert anyone, he was talking to Christians.

While Paul said love is the greatest thing (1 Corinthians 13), James said the life of faith leads to love, so what are you doing about it?

In consideration of how many wars the U.S. has been in since WWII, Mr. Carter observed, "We are Christians worshipping the Prince of Peace, living in the most warlike country." Something to ponder.

Pride/self-satisfaction is the worst sin; it says I'm better than others; he shared many "we/they" categories (generalizing how many different ways we tend to categorize and create a hierarchy):

U.S./foreigners

smart/low IQ

white/black

homeowner/homeless

Jesus Christ tried to erase pride from human beings; the new testament says we are all equal in the eyes of God.

James is an incisive person; in this passage he advises three things:

Bridle tongue (see quote at top of page); "WHAT we say indicates WHO we are better than any other way." (Mr. Carter's words, my emphasis.)

Give/reach out to people in need.

this is where Mr. Carter pierced my heart and revealed who HE really is; he noted in scripture there's a distinction that marks the "lepers" (physical need), but he suggested also caring for those who don't look like they have need (i.e., those richer than us materially but who might be lonely, etc.).

He gave several examples, and what struck me was his belief that small gestures to us might be huge gifts to others (i.e., calling a widow just to say, "I'mnot trying to interfere, just making sure you're ok.")

Don't let the world seduce us, departing from our intimacy with Christ.

Mr. Carter ended his lesson by asking the question, "Why do we need this teaching?" He explained how we spend a lifetime trying to understand ourselves (How have I been shaped by my parents? By environment? Where I was born? By successes/failings? What are my strengths/weaknesses). James tells us to look inside our hearts and minds to ask what can I do as a Christian...? How can we live a superb life in the eyes of God and not to be satisfied with how we are?

I missed some of the next words, but I loved this next question--

How can I live an expansive, adventurous, unpredictable, liberated life?

liberated of being jealous of others

liberated as a means of satisfaction

taking advantage of who God made me, being the best I can be (not as a means to salvation)

He ended with a profound statement, that if I've heard it, I've somehow forgotten:

"Jesus never asked anyone to worship him. He just said 'follow me'."

Please check back for more pictures and for helpful information in planning your trip to Jimmy Carter's Sunday school class at Maranatha Baptist Church in Plains.

November 02, 2013

A collection of links I love, sites I like, interesting reads or cool happenings nearby.

It's been y e a r s since I've attended a blog conference - that whole Germany-for-a-year thing and Life-does-its-thing thing - and I've never attended a Christian blog conference. Never wanted to. I'm an admitted prideful jerk about Christian sub-culture, so when I sniff anything that smells like that, I hold my breath til I turn blue and pass out.

Until I get a holy kick in the tail otherwise, like this year when I felt like I was "supposed" to go to Allume. Now, I've never been one to drop words like "the Lord told me" but this was one of those times I sensed a Divine prompting. The conference was sold out. The conference (and surrounding) hotels were sold out.

And yet a ticket and a room made themselves available.

I didn't force my way in, I didn't barrel through (my past response to going after what I wanted), but as doors opened, I took a step.

Funny how s l o w and d i m I am sometimes; though I believed attending Allume was prompted by God, I had no idea I'd actually see him there. Three days of --

INCREDIBLE music artists leading us into meaningful worship. My favorites because their contenance was blazing: Anthony Evans, Jr. and Tyrus Morgan. Check 'em out.)

INCREDIBLE speakers and workshop leaders. Every session I attended was inspirational, challenging and stirred something good within me. A few friends spoke to me directly:

Lisa Whittle. Lisa and I bonded over Survivor on Twitter; go figure. But for whatever reason she and I had opportunity to spend real time together, and I'm convinced though you might not yet know her, you need to. She was kind enough to post her workshop notes, so go. Read. Learn. Grow. You're going to miss her personal, powerful delivery, but the content will stand. Plus, she's good people.

Bianca Juarez Olthoff. Can I confess something as ugly as the day is long? Bianca was one of the original incourage writers alongside me, and subconsciously I thought she was too pretty and full of herself to get to know. I'M AN IDIOT! She simply understood who she was in Christ and she can't help her parents' genes :). Not looking beneath the surface has robbed me of getting to know a dynamic, substantive, spirit-filled woman and I'm ashamed of MY superficiality. Years later, lesson learned. I would loved to have connected with Bianca face-to-face, but seat to stage, I'm smitten (I want to be her BFF). I wish I could MAKE you watch her keynote--I saw a little of Bianca but mostly wanted to know Jesus better after listening. Watch her keynote. Twice.

Laura Parker. Turns out, Laura was one of my sister-in-law's college roommates--j'adore It's a small world afterall connections! I've followed Laura on the internets for years, and the path of obedience she and husband have taken is phenomenal. The Exodus Road is a ministry they've founded to rescue children from child trafficking. Their stories they've uncovered are heartbreaking but ultimately redemptive, and they understand the power of small numbers. My interpretaion of one remark by Laura during her workshop session is one of my greatest conference takeaways: Love well the person right in front of me. She modeled this in our conversations, and I realize I have room for improvement in this area.

Ann Voskamp. Ann...reluctant leader but so clearly gifted by God, it's impossible not to see Jesus when you're with her. To witness her pursuit of intimacy with the Almighty leads the way for others to follow him. Not her. Though Ann has been a real-life friend for a few years (born of incourage), this is the first time I've heard her speak in person. I tried to take a few notes on my phone, but I'm all thumbs and didn't do a great job. Here are a few gems I WAS able to record from Ann's Allume keynote, Stars (her keynote = must-watch)--

"Your hunger to be known is a good God-given appetite for more of God."

"The greatest tragedy is being wildly known by people and not known by God."

"Until you are intimately known you are ultimately nomadic."

"Our God is infinite. Do not ever be seduced by the myth of scarcity."

"Hold up Christ through your gratefulness; hold out his word as greatness."

"This is Christian success: that your name is signed on the palm of His hands."

November 01, 2013

Children grow up so slow and so fast at the same time; it's the paradox of childhood. Maybe, also, the paradox of motherhood. Parenting.

They're learninglearninglearning, guzzling water from a fire hydrant, letters and numbers and life. As soon as their lips can stretch the word from pucker to grin, they ask. "Why?"

whywhywhywhywhy?!

At first we celebrate it, answering All of The Questions. We think it means our kid is advanced - the way we think e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. they do is advanced - but novelty halos soon enough tarnish. We learn how to answer only the question they're asking (usually the hard way), forgetting too often their need to know is big, but the answers they're looking for are small.

They're little, remember? They aren't born knowing anything except how to make a lot of noise when they're uncomfortable, with no regard for your comfort. Circle of life--we all did it, right? It's just easy to forget when we're sleep-deprived and inconvenienced.

A tiny fairy perched atop my left ear counts the "Why's" until she runs out of numbers. Exasperation falls on both sides of those three letters--the Littles, because they're a demanding sort, and their mama because she's tired of the same question asked 26 times a day.

One day she will reach the edge. She'll speak the words she promised never to speak to her children, and her youthful arrogance (ignorance?) and surety will raise the white flag.

Sometimes Because I said so! is THE reason.

Enough days pass and curiosity isn't so much the motive, justice is. Fairness matters.

And then we say the second thing we swore we'd never say: "Life isn't fair!"

No, life isn't fair and that starts becoming apparent when we're in second grade and our mother, under the guise of "cultivating independence," forces her kids into child servitude.

I dared to require my children to make their own school lunches by the time they were in second grade. I think it was second grade, anyway--it was a long time ago and I don't exactly remember. Definitely single-digit birthdays.

Make your bed. Take turns cleaning the kitchen. Pack your lunch.

I was an absolute tyrant.

They tried to weaken my resolve with flattery: "But you make our sandwiches so much beeehhh-ter!"

Yesirree, there's a lot of talent and effort that goes into slapping one tired-little-sad piece of ham between two slices of bread, or even more so, smoothing a glop of peanut butter on whole wheat.

No mustard, no mayo, no lettuce, not even jelly! Just ham or peanut butter on sandwich bread. Though they preferred their sandwiches be cut into halves, when they were making them, they couldn't be bothered. If I happened to pitch-hit on a rushed/running late kind of morning, they'd make sure to ask for diagonal cuts.

How can I complain? I'm inclined to agree: triangles taste better than rectangles!

Then one day my oldest and only daughter graduated high school and set off for college.

That was the fall I returned to the kitchen early morning to make lunches for my boys.

They, of course, knew how to make them. Their independence shows up in more ways than I care to recount.

Those still-plain sandwiches became my morning kiss good-bye, my way of being present in the middle of their day, a small act of service that allowed me to be their mommy--

for a few moments, not their Mom.

There's only one at home now. The older two no longer have to make their lunches, they troll a college dining hall with enough choices to feed a small third-world village.

But the baby who towers over me, the one who can comfortably rest his chin on my head, insists my sandwiches taste better than his (which I've already explained is due to triangulation).

Soon enough, it will be time for another season of "cultivating independence."

October 31, 2013

Despite my affinity for wearing princessdresses, my favorite outfit - the one I'd wear every day if my husband wouldn't complain - is a well-worn pair of jeans and a comfy, cotton tee. Short-sleeved and white for spring or long-sleeved and black this time of year, I prefer scoop necks and vee necks. Crews? Not so much; they look like boys' undershirts.

But today isn't a day for wearing comfort clothes in the U.S., is it? At least not if you're a kid (or kid at heart). Whether your children trick or treat or trunk or treat, whether they knock on doors, or go to a fall festival, school carnival or harvest party, there's a lot of costumes being worn.

The National Retail Federation estimates almost $7 billion in Halloween-related spending this year, over a third of that specifically for costumes. When my children were younger, I'd stalk the post-holiday Target clearance sales to snag dress-up clothes at 75% off.

I remember the question we'd start asking weeks before the end of October: "What are you going to be?" My children attended a Christian school during their elementary years, so they were allowed to dress as their favorite Bible character. For them, it was "who are you going to be?"

Children love to pretend. Their imaginations haven't yet been tamed
into something manageable, dulled by the bounds of reality and
conformity. For some, make believe is pure play, simple and undefiled, a chance for imagination to soar and new worlds to be created. Sadly, for others, it's an escape from real-world disappointments or perceived failures or wishing to be something they're not.

Sometimes grown-ups wear masks.

Mask-wearing manifests itself in so many different ways--

we hide who we really are in a misguided attempt to gain favor or fit in or be liked.

we wear a pretense of control when the interior of our lives is falling apart.

we smile on the inside when we're crying on the inside, desperate and lonely and needy.

We compare ourselves to others, and in so doing, begin a long, spiraling downward dissent because how in the world can a view of another's imaginary perfection compare to our ordinary reality?

So we

flounder,

and wallow,

and sink

under a weight of distortions and lies.

The enemy of our souls delights in our self-inflicted torment.

I'm going to be bold, friends. I sense a gentle nudge to speak a strong word over you. I've been praying over my incourage post the past month and had a totally different one 75% written when I felt like it wasn't right; when all I could hear was the holy whisper....