I’m not sure why I wrote this because Bros Icing Bros (RIP) is probably one of my favorite drinking games of all time. It has the perfect proportion of gross-to-funny. Plus, drinking Smirnoff Ice makes me feel like I’m at a high school party. Remember when you were 16 and thought you could get wasted off the neck of a Smirnoff? Then you’d use being “wasted” as an excuse to say mean things to the friends you secretly hated. One time my friend and I filled up a Smirnoff Ice bottle with water and gave it to our other friend, telling her it was alcohol. She thought she got drunk off the water inside the bottle and then we made fun of her for it to the rest of our friends behind her back – “behind her back” being, of course, about three feet away, so she could hear every word. I think we all went to Del Taco afterwards and pretended like it never happened.

Whatever, I lie all the time on Facebook and you do too, so don’t judge. It’s for the best, really; if we didn’t all lie, the only updates anyone would have to read are the ones that old high school frenemy pens nonstop (“woke up to birds by my window!, brunch with the girlzzzz, bought a shower curtain with Boyfriend<3, repost if you love JESUS CHRIST, early nighty night with <3333the Boy<3333,” et al).

The lie I published on September 27, 2011 at 11:27pm:Neat, my allergies are making me look perma stoned.

The truth: I do actually have allergies right now that are giving me really bad dry eye.

The lie: I am profoundly stoned in this photo. I had taken two Ativan, smoked a bowl, and drank two Skinny Girl Margaritas. Also, my eyes are extra watery because prior to taking pictures of myself, I was crying while youtubing dogs being reunited with their US soldier owners coming home from Iraq. I wanted to post this picture on Facebook because I hadn’t washed my hair in two days and thought it looked sexy.

I’m excited to see what other lies I can uncover once Facebook Timeline launches!