Artie: I'd love to be in the photo Rachel, but I'd be sitting and you'd be standing, and it throws off the whole composition! Rachel: I'll lean over. Artie: But, if you lean over, it'll look like you have stomach rolls. Rachel: On second thought, I don't think you're leadership material, Artie! Artie: *points to self* Follower.

I thought a lot about it, and I forgive you for lying about your stutter. However, if you're planning to get all up on this, I'm gonna need you to make some changes. The Goth thing was two years ago, so, maybe, lose the vampire make-up and consider some tighter-fitting clothing. You got the pow, and I believe you should work it more if we're going be an item.

Mr. Schuester: Between posting Coach Sylvester's personal video on YouTube and making this Glist, you guys are getting a pretty bad reputation. Artie: Why is that a bad thing? Maybe we seem more dangerous, people will stop flushing my glasses down the toilet.

Brittany: I lost your magic comb. I don’t know what happened. I had it in my pocket and then I went to motocross practice... and then when I left it was gone. That’s why I’ve been avoiding you. I’m so ashamed. That magic comb was our only chance at winning — the only thing keeping me from totally screwing it up. I didn’t want to let you down Artie. Artie: That wasn't a magic comb. I just found it on the floor and ran into you on the way to tossing it in the trash.

The one time I bought some [condoms], I got nervous because they were locked in a cabinet and the pharmacist asked me which kind I liked and I panicked so then she gave me these ones that were all... greasy and they smelled like banana. It was like putting on a-a tiny, greasy, banana-flavored wet suit.