I don’t know whether it’s a side effect of watching every major battle released by every major league on Earth between 2007 and 2014, or whether battle rap is genuinely falling off, but some days I’m just not feeling it any more.

So I suppose if I’m going to start saying ‘we’ in public when referring to King of the Ronalds, I should really start writing the occasional blog, shouldn’t I? I started coming up with some clickbait Unilad-style shite, the kind of uninspired wank that means they won’t let me write for Battlerap.com.

I was thinking ‘five things I want to see more of in battling,’ but really, the more I thought about it, the more I realise there’s only one major trend I want to see: More two-on-two battles. A blog post was born.

Hey! Do you like surreal battle rap events? WELL HAVE ALL THE SURREAL BATTLE EVENTS IN THE WOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLD!

My name is Kray Shendo and, on the 16th of May, in God’s great city of Blackburn, the Dark Ages returned for one last time to wreak havoc on the souls of men. But on this occasion there was no great plague, no overbearing corrupt Catholic church stifling man’s innovative spirit. No. On this occasion, there were battles. And this is a roundup of those battles.

Old Bard aint even gon’ waste your time with no fancy intro. KOTR: Bear Back was yet another storming event, brought to you by the world’s most controversial battle promotion. Let’s relive it, you and I…

In the month of May, in the year of our Lord two thousand and fifteen, the rivers of London will run salty with disrespect as the world’s most respected, least respectful battle league returns to Acton. This is King of the Ronalds, and we’re going in Bear Back.