While I have this I'm look okay. Smile. Okay, petula. In early september after laying mama to rest, I returned to new york for my bone marrow transplant. Petula shaved my head the day before I entered the hospital. It was so traumatic last time. And I wanted to be in control. I am in control. I am deciding when my hair goes. I'm not waiting in that hospital bed for it to fall out. I'm not waiting. I made this decision. And it was the right decision. Once in the hospital I underwent ten consecutive days of intensive chemotherapy. My constant companion was an iv pole. I couldn't even see the pole for all the bags that were hanging, uh, off of it. And some of it was nutrition. And there was this white bag called, lipids. And it would come in the room, and I could just smell it. And it looked like white out. That's how -- it was, ooh. And -- but it was giving me life, it was keeping me alive. Now I grew so attached to my iv pole I just had to give it a name. A friend went online and saw that the disco name for robin is roshanda. So roshanda was the name of my iv pole that was all like, ooh, ooh! The disco pole, 'cause I do like to dance. You look for things. Putting up gi jane. And hawaii and the greek isles. And all those things. The morning of the transplant was a blur. I don't remember. I was in another place. I was, I was just -- you have to remember, I had gone through ten consecutive days of chemotherapy. I had nothing left. I was surrounded by dorothy and sally ann and other loved ones moment. &#9834; Ain't no mountain high enough &#9834; &#9834; nothing can keep me keep me from you &#9834; I feel all the love in here. All the love. You said keep it boring. We're keeping it boring. With a syringe filled with millions of sally ann's stem cells, my transplant doctor, dr. Sergio giralt, gave me the gift of life. I don't hear anybo i don't see anybody else. I just see dr. Giralt. And he starts inserting the syringe into a port I have in my chest. And I remember seeing tears. He has his mask on, but i remember seeing tears in dr. Giralt's eyes. And I can see that his mouth is moving, and he's saying something. I say a small prayer, a small saying that both my wife and my mother in-law have taught me. Let god do his work and it will work. To me, it does capture the real sense of the moment. The way this finally evolves is a whole joint of events that may be beyond our control, and is in the control of a power above us. And our role is to do the best we can, with the instruments that we have. I think now is the time to say go, sally, go! Sally, you are in me. You are in me. What happens now? I think that when you see the health, the excellent health you will realize I had to go through it to get to this. After the transplant, it began to sink in how much I was still deeply grieving mom. Do you feel mama? Oh, yeah. Yes. And dad. she is here and he is there and god is on the top. And they are anointing you. She's her. She will always be here. She loved you dearly. And she left so she could do more powerful work for you. But I've always been the healthy one. And the beautiful one, too! The cutest little girl. I will never forget the 24-hour dedication of doctors and nurses working towards a miracle. I'm a believer, but no one said it would be easy. For days and days following my transplant, I was in isolation. My grandma used to always say, she loved the mornings. And she loved quiet time. Boy, did I have a lot of quiet time. oh, and I learned to appreciate it, because I've always been just going non-stop. Slowly I began to regain my physical strength, and was able to sit in a chair just long enough for a second hair cut. We got to stop meeting like this, petula. &#9834; Rejoice rejoice emmanuel &#9834; &#9834; held captive all israel &#9834; &#9834; that's all I know of this particular song &#9834; I thought you were really -- &#9834; but I will sing if you sing along &#9834; &#9834; we love you dear sister yes we do &#9834; &#9834; this is a new beginning for you &#9834; &#9834; rejoice rejoice &#9834; &#9834; oh robin &#9834; &#9834; we love you dear sister yes we do &#9834; it wouldn't be long before i was back on my feet but what would life be like for me on the outside? reyes,and

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