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Tuesday, January 21

2014's Jerk Brake Start

I sometimes wish my days as an adult, were mimicked in the routine of my days when I was in school… not in that waking up with minutes to spare before the bell, but not caring if I was really late, pretending I had hiccups in Math and needed a drink, so I could walk the halls avoiding breaking down word problems and waving through the classroom door windows to my friends, or writing just good enough in English class so I would get basketball approved grades, but not good enough so that I had to read in front of the class itself, kind of way, but in that, there was an assigned start time, designated end time for all things appointed important, kind of way.

The day broken down in segments, 20 minutes for morning coffee, followed by 40 minutes for house cleaning, 10 minutes to load the washer, 15 for a snack break, and each day represented by 'specials' such as grocery store runs, play dates, floor scrubbing, hikes, product making, and Target trips.

I know, if I were to implement it into my days now, I would hate it, fight against it, probably write a poem about running up steps made of clouds, that I would later burn, and end up rebelling against myself …

More than likely jig doing the laundry and sneak myself through a window that was too high from the ground for it to be smart to go through, but low enough to the ground that the reality of serious harm would be little….

Aaaaaah the good ol' day of overly emotionally driven justified acts of rebellion…

Anyways, as I was saying, lately I've been envy of the idea of such consistent structure to a schedule …. to a point…

I know everyone struggles with the battle of "finding time for it all" and I know the only reason I'm even craving it so badly right now is because I feel like the jerk brake drivers. You know the ones, when they hit the gas too hard to go and the brake just as hard to stop.

One day, I'm balls to the wall, I want it all, the world is mine, yet under stimulated.
The next, I want to eat endless pasta, watch mindless TV, take on little responsibly, remain under driven.

I don't like it.
It's not me.
People tell me to relax.
In my head I yell back, "you relax!"
Which makes me laugh to myself.
I feel better.

I don't even feel like I've started this year yet…just a bunch of false starts… finally got myself a 2014 calendar, just today, I started filling in the dates with obligations and forming the outline of how this year will hopefully be spent.

It's a start.

It will help get my butt up and head grounded, which falls right in line with my self reminder of 'the worse I avoid doing something, the more that something really needs to be done'…

Plus, it turns out faking hiccups doesn't seem to get me out of much these days.

1 comment:

I have to press the restart button many times throughout the year. I always think of it as an accomplishment though, because at least I realize I need to hit the restart button, instead of getting stuck in that rut. So good for you, for hitting the restart button. You'll get to where you're going.