Blog

Your brother, your racist cousin, and the family friend who acts like your “uncle” who gives you the heebie jeebies are all there. It’s your family’s Thanksgiving dinner and you’re anxious AF.

I’ve so been there. Holiday gatherings can be a breeding ground for anxiety. Sometimes it feels like we don’t have a choice whether or not to attend and anxiety is determined to win. But, that doesn’t have to be the case if you have these tips in your purse (and maybe put your CBD oil bottle in there, too, you know what I mean?)

If you weren’t around last week, here’s a synopsis: My life was feeling bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s. I needed a safe haven for stillness, slowness, and reflection. I publicly committed to 30 days of what author Julia Cameron calls Morning Pages.

Julia says “Morning Pages are three pages of longhand, stream of consciousness writing, done first thing in the morning. [...] They are about anything and everything that crosses your mind--and they are for your eyes only. [...] Do not over-think Morning Pages: just put three pages of anything on the page...and then do three more pages tomorrow.”

I’ve been feeling all the feels the past several days. From anxiety to sadness to fear to nausea to nervousness, I’ve seen it all. There has been a three-day music festival, my fiance’s birthday party, planning our rehearsal dinner, helping with our engagement party, a big doctor’s appointment, an episode of my Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome, and--oh yeah--work (one week until Fall semester starts; I’m not panicking, you’re panicking). It’s been a lot.

And, I’m trying to use my practices in the moment. I’m breathing, doing physical activity, sharing with friends, talking about my fears, being kind to myself, using positive self-talk, saying no when I need to. And, it’s still a lot. It’s time to get real about where my baseline has been at. As I’ve been taking on more and more responsibilities (by choice, things I want to do), I’ve been letting my baseline slide. I’m making time for yoga with friends and walking the dog and listening to motivating podcasts all while ignoring the fact that I need to take some time to slow down and process all of the major shifts I’ve been making lately.

There’s a line in the movie Eight Grade, written and directed by comedian Bo Burnham, where the lead character Kayla describes her emotions as waiting in line for a roller coaster--that feeling of an uneasy stomach you get in anticipation of the ride. Then she says she never gets the feeling after you get off of the roller coaster--the release, the exhale, the joy of having faced your fear and come out on the other sign.

That line struck me so deeply. Because, that’s exactly how my anxiety feels. While the movie is clearly a commentary on what it’s like to be a pre-teen in today’s age, especially with the technology twelve-year-olds of today are facing, I’d argue it’s also a commentary on what it’s like to live with anxiety.

Do you have habits that aren’t serving you? We all do. Getting fast food after class or work because it’s more convenient. Procrastinating on papers until the night before. Blowing your paycheck at Target the first day you get it. While not everyone has these particular habits, they’re pretty common. But, what about habits that are tied to our depression?

Not all habits are as common as the ones listed above. Even if you don’t have those habits, you probably know someone who does or can easily understand them and even forgive them. But, some habits are formed as a result of limited mental and emotional capacity we’re working at when we’re depressed. We can be affected by habits that are formed during depressed episodes even long after the depressed episode has ended.