February 9, 2010

General Luke Ravenstahl Announces "I have returned" to the War On Snow

Two years ago (almost to the day) General Luke Ravenstahl, after suffering heavy losses to the elements, vowed "to pull out all the stops -- and a few more snow plows as well -- to make sure it doesn't happen again." On that day in 2008, he famously declared a "War On Snow."

Last night, General Ravenstahl announced "I have returned" to a snow weary City of Pittsburgh.

Ravenstahl was bogged down in Laurel Highlands when the City was blitzed by the surprise attack (the neighborhoods of Beltzhoover, South Side, and Beechview being the hardest hit).

General Ravenstahl has now brought in reinforcements from the National Guard and has called upon the citizenry to join in the battle to ensure our right to once again move freely throughout our fair City.

Ravenstahl also swore a solemn oath to take on undesirable elements in City Council once order has been restored saying, "I am concerned for the security of our great City; not so much because of any threat from without, but because of the insidious forces working from within."