Avoiding Every Woman’s Worst Nightmare

In May, three women escaped from a house in Cleveland, where they had been held for years. Horrific details of their experience have since emerged: a man named Ariel Castro kidnapped each woman at separate times, chained them up in his house, repeatedly raped them, and fathered a child (now six years old) with one. Today, Castro pled guilty and is facing life in prison “plus 1000 years.”

Many women have asked me what they can do to protect themselves from such danger. Based on my experience handling hundreds of sex-offense prosecutions and talking to investigators and women’s self-defense experts, here are my top tips.

GENERALLY

Trust your instincts. We all have built-in alarm systems. You know that hair-standing-up-on-the-back-of-your-neck feeling. Listen to it. Get out of a situation where you feel something is off – even if you can’t articulate why. Your unconscious mind takes in much more information than your conscious mind does, and it uses those neck hairs to send you the message. When you get that vague feeling, hit the road. You can figure out what exactly made you feel that way later – when you’re safe.

Don’t be afraid to be rude. As women, we’re taught from an early age to be polite and conversational. Predators use this to their advantage. “My car just broke down, can I use your phone?” is a classic way they get into your home. Same with, “Can I help you bring in your groceries?” Often these guys seem nice at first. Resist the urge to be sweet and polite – at least to strange men offering or asking for help.

YOUR HOME

Lock your doors and windows. This seems so elementary, but we forget it all the time. The East Coast Rapist would scope out apartment complexes, looking for openings. Out of a fifty-unit complex, he would attack the one woman who’d left her window or sliding-glass door open. Get a good deadbolt and use it.

Lower the blinds when it’s dark outside. Some predators look into windows to find places that are empty or where only a woman is home.

Keep the exterior well-lit. Turn on the lights outside your house. Motion-sensor lights are also helpful. Predators are looking for an easy hit. Make your home a hard target.

Watch your back when you unlock your front door. This is a vulnerable time, when an attacker may push into your home.

Get a dog. This is the number one piece of casual advice police officers give about home safety. Predators and thieves just don’t want to deal with dogs. Alarm systems have also been shown to be a deterrent.

WALKING OUTSIDE

Be alert. Notice what’s going on around you.

Don’t wear headphones. We use only two senses to alert us to this kind of danger: sight and sound. Don’t deprive yourself of one of them.

Don’t take rides from strangers. Each of Castro’s victims accepted a ride from him, which is how he kidnapped them.

No shortcuts. Avoid alleyways, woods, and the like. I can’t tell you how many sexual assaults start in the neighborhood “cut.” Walk on well-lit, busy streets.

Walk in groups whenever possible. This doesn’t guarantee safety – one of the East Coast Rapist’s last attacks involved three teenagers out trick-or-treating – he threatened them with a weapon and sexually assaulted two of them before the third girl texted for help. A few years ago, a gang of young men attacked couples taking romantic walks on the National Mall. So, it’s not a 100% guarantee – but you are much less likely to be attacked if you’re with other people.

If attacked, run and scream. A woman who both runs and screams has a good chance of getting away from a potential assailant. On the other hand, if a mugger just demands your purse, give it up. You can throw it on the ground and run in the other direction. Don’t fight over things you can replace. Everything in your purse is replaceable. You are not.

Never get in the car. If someone tries to force you into a car, fight like hell to get away. Your chances of surviving the encounter plummet once you get in. The reason he wants you in the car is to take you somewhere no one can see what he’s going to do. If someone had a gun pointed at my head and told me to get into his car, I’d run. He probably wouldn’t shoot me on the street, and even if he did, I’d rather take my chances with his aim then trust his goodwill once he has me in a secluded spot.

IN BARS

Go with friends. Look out for each other.

Watch your drink. Date rape drugs are a problem. Some taste salty or bitter, so if a drink tastes weird, stop drinking it. But some are tasteless. You could be taking a risk if you go back to a drink you’ve left unattended, or accept an open drink from a stranger. If you do start to feel woozy, have a trusted friend get you home ASAP.

Get tested. If you think you’ve been a victim of a date rape drug, go to a hospital and ask to be screened as soon as possible. These drugs are metabolized by the body quickly. Time is crucial.

IF YOU ARE SEXUALLY ASSAULTED

Call the police immediately. Don’t bathe, brush your teeth or wash yourself in any way – this can destroy critical evidence against the attacker. The police will arrange for a sexual assault nurse examination, which will collect evidence which may be able to prove that the assault happened and identify the rapist. They will also give you medicine to protect against sexually transmitted disease and pregnancy. Most jurisdictions will also set you up with an advocate, who can help you with the emotional healing.

Note: these tips are for avoiding sexual assaults by a stranger. Most violence against women is perpetrated by someone the woman knows, often intimately. That’s a different issue. Click here for advice on acquaintance rape or domestic violence.

About Allison Leotta

Comments

I actually write on self-defence and home protection as well. Some predators will just try and get a victim to open the door rather than let them in because it;s less obvious. For example, the delivery guy who asks you to accept and sign for a neighbour’s parcel. How many women would think nothing of opening the door to accept the parcel, then unsuspecting turn around to put it down before signing the delivery form?

Closing the blinds at night is very important but what about in the day time? Lots of girls will only pull down the blind or close the curtains during the day when they are about to get changed or masturbate. Any predators watching the house will know that. That’s why I have Italian shutters or continental roller shutters on my properties. They let in some light during the day but stop people seeing in.

There is one issue where I strongly disagree with you, and that’s keeping doors and windows locked. The reason I disagree is that I don’t think it’s a realistic option for most people during the summer or for a mother with her children playing in the garden. What about the girl sunbathing on her terrace or swimming in her pool? I would much rather rely on a dog in the house and a firearm besides me when I’m at home.

You make a good point, Stefi, in that women shouldn’t feel like prisoners in their own home. We want to go outside, hang out on our decks, etc. But I still think if you’re hanging out in your house — watching TV, cooking dinner, reading,whatever — you should lock the doors. Like not smoking or wearing a seatbelt, it is one simple step that can make a huge difference in our health outcomes.