I hate January. I am always down in January, even if the weather is good, which it has been (and it helps a bit). I have been stressing out like hell about what to do about my apartment because I've concluded that either I need to move to a one bedroom or get a roommate--the latter is a better financial choice--but either way it involves moving a crapton of stuff out of here. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh does not even begin to describe that one. I have been having various bad moments off and on. Figuring out money is stressing me out. I thought I did a good job on not being my shopper self this month and still am cutting things close. Too close for comfort.

I had a job interview this last week. While I think I dressed well and did a good job as far as I could do, I did pretty much get ambushed by them wanting me to have done things that they did not mention in the job application. And had they mentioned that in the job application, I flat out would not have applied for it. (I'm debating whether or not it would be socially acceptable to mention this to the fellow when the inevitable "thanks but no thanks" call comes through, because this group appears to be pretty new to dealing with job interviewing.) It turned out to be a Big Deal that I had not done travel arrangements, and I was all "yeah, none of my jobs here go anywhere." And if you don't do it on the job, you don't have a way to learn the computer program. (Which is the old "you can't get a job without X, but you can't get X without a job" conundrum again.) They also wanted to know my experiences in say, answering urgent e-mails in the middle of the night, and looked at me funny when I asked how well I'd be set up at home to do that sort of thing. Anyway....I don't think I'm getting that one, which may be all for the best? I still don't know if I actually want it or not. Hah. To be fair, I'm pretty well sick of my industry at this point and all the things I am semi-qualified to do at it, but... well, this is probably it for me career-wise and my new "dream" is to find a job that I don't hate.

Saturday...well, I woke up and went to go watch some stuff on Hulu, and my computer shut itself off and would not turn back on again. I think we all usually know what that means, so I was pretty much going out of my tiny little mind. And it's not like a whole lot of repair places are open on weekends...especially Super Bowl Sunday. And on top of that, Jackie wanted to get together that day, so I couldn't spend Saturday looking for open repair joints. And even then, it seemed pretty likely given previous experience that I'd have to get another laptop. Aw CRAP does not even begin to describe that one.

I was not in a good sunshiny mood, and Jackie was quite annoyed at me for not being in a good sunshiny mood. Apparently all of her friends these days are stressed out about money and jobs. (Which, for the record, includes her as well....) And I gather she is annoyed at us all about it. Well, l'm sorry I can't be super sunshiny and happy right now, okay? Plus the laptop thing was weighing on my mind to boot. Though I will concur with her that it must be annoyed when people who make 85-100k a year are complaining about their lack of money, which is apparently what the rest of her friends make because they are all in techie jobs in the Bay Area. On the other hand, I wasn't too thrilled to hear talk along the lines of "If you'd just move to the city you could get a better job with a lot of pay to do diddly-squat." I don't live there and don't want to, and the reason they make so much money is so they can afford more expensive housing and commutes. I just don't work in an industry where I am ever going to be worth a lot of money, but I don't quite think she gets that.

Anyway, we were both annoyed at each other and at one point I offered to just go the hell home if I was being so annoying (which I admittedly was, I didn't really have the self control to put on the Happy Face like I have to do at work on a Saturday too), but she said no. And at the end of the day she was all, when can we get together again? To which I was thinking, why do you want to hang out with me if I'm not able to act happy? ...I might be busy in upcoming weekends, one way or another. That might be for the best. Anyway, I was in a crappy mood and couldn't camouflage it, and it's not like I had anything else fun and exciting to talk about that is going on in my life right now to distract. It's January and everything sucks and I'm too broke to do the usual awesome things I do in February, so I'll be staying home and cleaning. Whee!

I was doing a lot of screaming while driving in my car that day. And pretty much screaming to God that I need help, I need a sign or a break or something to not get worse around here.

Then I had to talk to Mom when I got home...and she kept talking and talking and talking for nearly two hours. I'm not even sure if she notices the "uh-huh, uh-huh" as she goes on after awhile. Anyway, I had to tell her the bad news about the laptop and she was basically all "buy it yourself" and I was all "uh, didn't ask you to?" I've already sponged off of her enough in December, duh, and I'm ashamed of that. (Jackie going on about how she wants all of her friends to be self-sufficient was....yes, I know already!) So that was fun. I told her about the little screaming and praying loudly in the car incident and then she was all, "Remember that Footprints poem?" Which I am not particularly into, but...whatever. Finally, she was all, "Well, what would you count as a sign, then?" And I was all, "well, something that helps me catch a break....get a raise, get another job, have the laptop magically work again...."

Cut to Sunday morning, when I was going through my computer paperwork to figure out how old the laptop was. And I found the instructions for it, which mentioned among other things, how to remove the battery. Yesterday while I was trying to do searches for "what do you do when your laptop won't turn back on" on the phone, one of those links mentioned taking out the battery and replacing it again. So I tried that. AND THAT FIXED EVERYTHING! And it has been fine ever since! (Except trying to download the new iTunes froze it up a few times. Don't download that, folks. Once I stopped that, it was fine.)

Of course, I told Jackie this and she was a downer and was all, "It'll probably break down again anyway." Yeah, I know, but THANKS FOR BEING A HUGE DOWNER YOURSELF THERE.

But anyway, after that divine laptop intervention, I have been feeling better. More capable. More like things actually seem possible for a change. I even did job hunting on a weekend--I normally restrain myself to doing it once a week and that's as much as I can stand--and found two more jobs to apply for, one of which was due the very next day, so I squeaked that under the wire.

I dearly hope this feeling lasts, though that sort of thing is hard to maintain on workdays.