Not Afraid To Die But Choosing to Live

Hello all. Last week was really bad for me and the last two days. Today I cried all day, almost choking from sobbing and at the point of utter exhaustion, I slept the rest of the day. It was horrible. I got to the point where I was in such great pain and hopelessness that I was ready to die. I have always not cared much for this life but I used to have a fear of the unknown/ the afterlife. It got so bad with the last group of people who hurt me that I was ready to give up.

But somehow, I choose to live because these idiots who have hurt me are not worth dying for. They are stupid, self-righteous hypocrites and the worst thing I can do is to give up my own life for such evil people. These people are the most evil I have ever come across and they pretend to be good and holy. They are the worst kind there is- wolves in sheep's clothing. They are not worth my life. If I die, it will be for people worth dying for.

I choose to live- so in a sense this is a thank you and goodbye post. Thank you that in my darkest days I was able to vent here and you guys have listened. I hope you find that strength within you to choose to live and live well.

I am listening to this author Anne Lamott who is so transparent with her inadequacies and it helps me realize that I am too hard on myself. She helps me think more kindly of myself and that I am not so crazy. Well, I am but her point is, we all are... and that is what life is. A coping. A day to day coping.

Here is the link...I hope it helps you, too. I am listening to it right now and I thought of all of you and it might help. Her humor and perspective is very light and refreshing One of the very few honest, transparent people who in their honesty offers hope. She dashes that imaginary standard in an American woman's mind that is impossible to achieve.

You are right that nobody is worth your life...the best way to get back at someone is to embetter yourself...envy is a very powerful retort...please continue to let us know how you are doing and get the support you need..big hugs, J