Secrets of Success for Stay-at-Home Dads

More and more fathers are discovering that being a full-time caregiver is the toughest — and the most rewarding — job. How can dads juggle the responsibilities and reap the joys? Start by following these four essential steps.

Stay-at-home dads (SAHDs) are not quite the oddity they were in 1983 when Michael Keaton became Mr. Mom. In fact, more and more American dads are taking on the job. The bumbling-dad stereotype is even being shelved from TV shows. Instead, popular programs such as Modern Family and Parenthood feature a new crop of full-time fathers who reflect today’s confident, capable SAHDs.

Yet, as the saying goes: The more things change, the more they stay the same. The role of dads might change, but one fact hasn’t — raising kids is still a tough job. As dads shoulder more of the primary child-rearing responsibilities, they also face some very specific challenges. For current SAHDs juggling it all, or for those who want to be, the following tips can help:

Take care of yourself.This has been a mantra of stay-at-home moms for decades. Luckily, being a father is, in itself, good for you, but to stay healthy and strong, remember two basic rules:

Rest. Time to let you in on a secret that moms are told in the hospital: Sleep when the baby sleeps. Rest may be far from your mind during nap time when you have a list of chores to do or want to catch up on the news, but if you can force yourself (at least occasionally) to nap too, you’ll discover what a difference it makes. A little sleep not only prepares you for the rest of the day, it’ll also give you some stamina for nights with a restless baby or teething toddler.

Agree on a division of responsibilities.Before you take over as the primary caretaker, be sure both parents have the same expectations. Will being home all day mean you do the cooking and cleaning as well? Does mom take over for baths and bedtime? To avoid fights, misunderstandings, and hurt feelings, clarify roles as early as possible.

Keep in mind that a mom who was previously the primary caregiver may not be ready to relinquish full control. She may still want to make lunches or dress the kids before leaving for work, so she can feel like she’s part of their day. Discussing what each partner needs and expects before Dad takes over can make things run more smoothly. Also, be prepared to switch up responsibilities as needed.

Make it your own.The best way to be really good at being a stay-at-home parent is to have some fun. And the best way to enjoy those long days of monosyllabic sentences and dirty diapers is to share things you really love with your little one. Let your interests and personality spill over into simple, everyday moments. There’s no rule that says books can’t be read on a tablet or that tea parties can’t include superheroes. Combine your loves: As you share yourself, you’ll start to see your sweetie’s personality emerge.

Plan for a post-SAHD life.As wonderful as the time with your child may be, at some point you may need or want to return to working outside the home. Look for ways you can prepare for that time. For instance, you might take a class online to boost your professional skills. It also helps to stay connected to other adults — colleagues and friends. A growing number of blogs and websites cater to SAHDs, helping you with day-to-day childcare issues while also providing opportunities to network with people who can help you find a new job when the time comes.

From the What to Expect editorial team and Heidi Murkoff, author of What to Expect the First Year. Health information on this site is based on peer-reviewed medical journals and highly respected health organizations and institutions including ACOG (American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists), CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) and AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics), as well as the What to Expect books by Heidi Murkoff.

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What to Expect The First Year, 3rd edition, Heidi Murkoff and Sharon Mazel.