The Daily Show: Ball-dacity of Hope

Thursday

Dec 22, 2011 at 12:01 AMDec 22, 2011 at 1:20 AM

I recognize that being a politician takes courage, boldness and steadfastness in the face of long hours, weighty decisions and the incessant buzz of the North American Douche Fly, which ridicules and pokes fun at your every gesture.

I recognize that being a politician takes courage, boldness and steadfastness in the face of long hours, weighty decisions and the incessant buzz of the North American Douche Fly, which ridicules and pokes fun at your every gesture.

But there’s a fine line between courage and audacity. Lately, several politicians crossed it in ways that make us marvel at their huge balls.

First up is former presidential candidate Herman Cain. While he was running for office he captured the nation’s heart with his command of foreign policy —Uzbecki-becki-becki-stan-stan. Well, last week Cain sat down with Barbara Walters for her “10 Most Fascinating People of 2011.” By the way, it’s very impressive that Walters always lands, in any given year, all 10 of the most fascinating people for interviews.

“What kind of Cabinet position might you like if it were possible?” Walters asked Cain.

No, Herman Cain; this is your job interview for a Cabinet position. Anyway, Cain surprisingly said “Department of Defense,” which Walters retorted with a, “What?!”

That was so ballsy it made Walters do the reporter equivalent of a spit-take. The woman has been on TV since TV started and has never reacted viscerally like that to a statement. And she has faced down crazy bull s--- from dictators, presidents and even Donald Trump.

Walters was able to suppress her incredulity in all of those situations, but five minutes with Herman Cain and it blew her mind. I swear I saw blood coming out of her ears.

Surprisingly we have bigger balls to fry, balls that belong to Willard Mitt Romney, who is facing a bit of an uphill battle to be the Republican nominee. By uphill battle, I mean nobody wants to vote for him, so he’s got a ballsy new tactic.

Guess what Romney — the former not-pro-life, pro-gay governor of Massachusetts — says about Gingrich’s consistency of thought.

“The number of times that he has moved from one spot to another has been remarkable … I think he’s shown a level of unreliability as a conservative leader today,” Romney said.

The balls on this guy — he’s talking about himself! That’s the kind of sack that Santa would look at and say, “We’re going to need a bigger sled.”

This brings us to our baller of the week. Recently one of our high-tech, top-secret spy drones ran out of batteries over Iran, thereby falling into the hands of an evil militant regime.

“With respect to the drone inside of Iran … we have asked for it back,” said President Obama.

You asked for it back?! You’re acting like we lent them Season 1 of “The Wire.”

It takes giant balls to “ask” for your spy drone back. It would be like calling the guy whose wife you just got done banging and asking him to FedEx your shoes to you because you left them at his house.