To all my dear kind supportive Macmillan friends, I've been meaning to message you for so long and send love and hugs your way. I hope that you are keeping as well as you can, and coping as well as you can, at such a difficult time.

It's been terrifying some days and my heart has broken so many times for all the families who have lost loved ones in this crisis. It's triggered a lot of trauma with me and my grief has welled up near the surface many times - but on other days, the sun has come out, the garden is coming into spring, and I've been thankful for what I have, and the love I've known.

Tonight after several downpours there was an amazing double rainbow - a sight that means a lot to me (and to lots of you too:) ) It lifts my heart that it's become the symbol for the amazing care and support of all health workers at this terrible time, and at all times.

Hello Emma, good to hear from you. Yes I am sure the situation at the moment with covid -19 is very unsettling and I do feel for all those who have lost loved ones young and old to this awful virus. It also can bring up the grief we go though for those we loved who are sadly not with us. Its just over 18 months since my friend died and that and worries I have for another very dear friend have indeed unsettled me. But as you say the rainbow is a symbol of hope for all the medical professionals who are working hard to save life's whether from cancer or covid-19 its when something like this that many begin to appiecate the skill and hard work from these people, their human and can get it wrong but yet they are still there no matter what to do what they can to help people though difficult times. To that we are greatful. A friend once said "there is no rainbows without rain" I think I understand the meanibg of this now.

Spring is a time of new life, from the many blossoms and flowers to the baby lambs. The sunshine we have had lately has given us light where there is pain and darkness. For every day it shows how greatful for the good times we are.

It is such strange times. My heart breaks for those families directly affect by Covid and also those families with Cancer at this extremely difficult time. And also everyone else. Its tough. The world has turned upside down.

Personally 20 months after my beautiful mum died. It's starting to get very hard. I built coping stragies, and they have turned on their heads.

For me, my job and my family (Dad, sister and niece, nephew) keep me going. Give me a focus. On Wednesday I got a sheilding letter. I'm absolutely gutted. I have to leave a job i love and another 12wks without my family. But I have chest problems and I have been deemed very high risk.

I know its to keep me safe. And I have to do it. And most of all I know my beautiful mum, would be the first one who would want be protected.

I am very mindful, I have to look after my self. So I'm also looking at the positive.

The sun is shining and I'm safe. Yes face it technology helps to. Love a bit of facetime and Virtual Quizzing. Xx

Nice to hear from you and how frustrated you must feel that you just got your shielding letter and now been told another 12 weeks on top of what social distancing you have been able to do. But I know its there to try to keep us safe. Sorry it means you can't do your job or see your family and yes isn't technology great when it works, face time, what's app, zoom and Skype have all been used by friends recently to contact to others both family and friends. Keep well.

I too have been meaning to write for some time. You have all been in my thoughts. I've often wondered how everyone is coping, trying to meander through these uncertain times, dealing with grief.

The last few months really have been a mixture - I can't even remember when I last sent a message. As you saw, the marathon got moved to October (although it's unlikely it will be this year) I got severe shin splints in January and lost my focus and struggled to run. I felt pretty down and out and realised how much I'd relied on my running as my therapy. I visited Paris for work in February - a nice refreshing change and then went into lockdown in March and this will be my 11 week. It's a real test on your strength. I live on my own but luckily have some very kind and genuine neighbours who I have spoken with most days. Often we're talking about the weather, gardens or what veg I can hand over.

On marathon day (26th April) I did the 2.6 challenge. Not sure if anyone saw any challenges. I wore 26 items of clothing whilst running for 26 minutes in my garden. The piece made it to BBC London news and some local London papers but it got the message out there a bit more about my charity and ovarian cancer. I know mum would have laughed her head off - my sister edited it to Charlie Chaplin music and put an old spin on it. Picture below.

I think about mum most days. I wonder what she would have been like in this pandemic. She ironically stressed about health all the time (despite not noticing ovarian cancer symptoms till too late) I go over moments when she was in the hospital very ill. I think about her humour and how upbeat and energetic she was. I miss her every day. No time makes this easier and I have found the waves of grief in this lockdown hard to manage sometimes.

Emma - I took a photo of the double rainbow. It's so comforting when I see it. I feel my mums love and energy.

Anyway ladies, that's me. Thinking of you all in these difficult times and sending love.