When it comes to writing about the perspective of a group of people, it helps if you’re actually in it. So as man and one who has been on many first dates, I feel qualified.

Now to be clear, I’m talking about what we want, not what we desire. There’s a difference. There’s an endless list of stuff we desire. But that doesn’t mean we actually want it, we just fantasize about having it.

For example:

We desire that you bring along a hot friend for a topless pillow fight.

We desire that you make us the center of your universe.

We desire to be you’re savoir, the hero who swoops in and rescues you from your metaphorical burning building.

But that’s all fantasy.

And relationships aren’t built on fantasy. They’re built on reality.

So fantasies aside, here’s what we really want on the First Date…

1. No Sex

Oh, we’ll try to win one for the Gipper, but we want you to give us the Heisman.

We hope not for too long (the 2nd date sounds nice), but if there is a mutual attraction, make us wait past the first night.

We might desire sex on the first date. But we want that smidge of build up.

2. A ‘Thank You”

Some traditions never go out of style. One of them is men should pay on the first date.

They don’t need to spend much, and should never spend beyond their budget, but even if it’s a drink or a cup of coffee, the man should pick up the tab. And in return, we want a ‘thank you’.

Some things are best kept simple. It’s our job to pay. It’s your job to thank us for it.

3. Your Attention

We might desire your admiration, but we want your focus. So keep your phone off the table and focus on us, the same way we should be focused on you.

It’s not easy to put yourself out there. We should never make it more difficult.

You don’t owe him a 2nd date. But if he’s not a douche, give him your attention on the 1st one. Lack of attraction is never an excuse for lack of manners.

For all of us.

4. Clear Signals

We want at least a hint that you’d like to go out with us again. To the girls writing ‘Rules’ books that say the key to getting men is to not return their call, I have to say this: they know nothing about men.

There’s a name for guys who chase women who show no interest. Stalkers.

I’m not saying you should fall over us. Or hit on us. Or do the asking out. (Though we pretty much desire all three) But if you like us and would like to go out again, we want a clear signal saying as much.

5. No Drama

We’ve all been attracted to drama at some point. It’s easy to desire. The movie characters we fall in love with always have those flaws; that lack of sanity that ends up in some kind of roller coaster ride of a relationship.

But when it comes to dating healthy, we want a woman who has their shit together. Yes, we’re all a little crazy. But that’s light years from dysfunctional.

You can’t build a relationship on a roller coaster. There’ll be some thrills and excitement along the way. But in the end, you’re back where you started, a bit nauseous and always quicker than you expected.