Uncle Joe Didn`t Plan For Aunt Minnie To Rip

September 13, 1988|By Ann Landers.

Dear Ann Landers: My Uncle Joe married Mary in 1927. Ten years later she died. He bought a large cemetery plot with a place next to her for himself. Less than a year later, Uncle Joe married Ruth, who was Mary`s best friend. Ruth died in 1950. He buried her on the other side of the grave site.

In 1951, he married Minnie. This marriage lasted 28 years, then Uncle Joe died. Before his death, he told Minnie that he wanted to be buried between Ruth and Mary. This really hurt her a lot. After all, she had been married to Joe far longer than both of the other wives combined. Uncle Joe had become an invalid the last eight years, and Minnie waited on him hand and foot. He never appreciated a thing she did for him and treated her like she was hired help.

A few years ago, Minnie died. She was buried with her family in another cemetery. Even though Joe was my uncle, I believe he gave that dear woman a lousy deal, and so does the rest of the family. Care to comment?

K in Florida

Dear K: I know of no solution to the problem since nobody knows in advance who is going to go first or how many spouses may follow. It does seem, however, that Uncle Joe could have arranged for Minnie to be buried somewhere near him when it became apparent that he was going first. It sounds as if he treated her in death the same way he treated her during their marriage. Shabbily.

Dear Ann Landers: Teardrops in Shreveport wrote that what had been a warm relationship with her husband has turned into a cold war and her marriage is falling apart. You suggested that he might have a fear of intimacy or that he may be having an affair with another woman.

Ann, I could have written that letter myself two years ago. I would bet anything that Teardrops` husband is having an affair, not with another woman, but with cocaine. His coldness and indifference are classic symptoms of an addict who is hiding his drug use.

Please make this woman aware of this. Take it from me, I`ve been there. Two years ago my husband went to a rehab clinic and he has been clean ever since. It`s been a long, difficult road and our marriage is by no means perfect, but we`re together now and the worst is behind us.

We couldn`t have done it without the excellent support provided by Cocaine Anonymous. Please plug the growing self-help organizations, Ann. They do a fabulous job.

A True Believer in Lake Ariel, Pa.

Dear Believer: Cocaine Anonymous often succeeds when other attempts to get off the junk have failed. This organization has more than 1,000 groups and is based on the concept of Alcoholics Anonymous-people who share a common problem.

Anyone interested in learning about a chapter near you can write or call Cocaine Anonymous, P.O. Box 1367, Culver City, Calif. 90239. The phone is

(213) 559-5833.

Dear Ann Landers: One line from your column has changed our lives. It is this one: ``Don`t sweat the small stuff.`` Our two college kids were home for the summer and we didn`t have a single fight. Nobody blew up over some small thing and nothing big ever came along. Thanks for the help, Ann.

Gulf Breeze, Fla.

Dear Breeze: Funny how everything is obvious after someone points it out. Thanks for letting me know I helped.

A letter such as yours makes my day.

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Do you have questions about sex, but no one you can ask about them? Ann Landers` newly revised booklet, ``Sex and the Teenager,`` has the answers you need. For a copy send $3 plus a self-addressed, stamped, business-size envelope (45 cents postage) to Ann Landers, P.O. Box 11562, Chicago, Ill. 60611-0562.