Ice Cream and Jesus

Sunday, July 04, 2010

I've been so bad about tracking this summer. I have been exercising quite a bit more than in previous summers, but my eating...has been...well...a bit out of control! I just love me some ice cream!

It didn't help that we took a 10-day vacation to the beach and then another 5 day vacation to the Six Flags. Eating on the go is so hard! Especially when you are surrounded by scrump-dilly-ious ice cream. Everywhere! (Mama discovered Maggie Moo's. Uh-oh!)

Today is a new day, though. No more vacations scheduled, and my kids are taking swim lessons at the Y so I have no excuse for not getting my daily workout. Now, if I could just stay away from that darn ice cream! Mama don't like moderation.

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On to topic #2... I've got a problem I'm hoping some of you can help me with. No, not the sister-wife thing again (although I'm still taking applications). This is serious, Mane! Family stuff. Trouble in the tribe. Stuff is broken, and I don't know how to fix it.

*insert big, big sigh and deep breath here*

It's about our pastor. He did something horrible to my family, and I'm having a hard time getting past it. No one was harmed mentally or physically, but the potential for harm was there. Our family could have been destroyed by what he did. Literally!

But we survived. The truth really did set us free! No scars, just lingering apprehension.

Let me back up by saying that our pastor is a good man. He is extremely humble and very devout in his beliefs. We stood beside him when there was some serious division in the congregation because we believed in him. When the opportunity to reciprocate rolled around, though, he did not. Instead, he acted on the words of a malicious stranger with whom he had no relationship. Basically, he didn't know her from Adam's house cat; yet, he chose to side with her without even so much as telling us there were even any allegations!!!

I know it's confusing. I'm sorry, but it really is the stuff Jerry Springer thrives on. Like I said, though, it all turned out okay. My family persevered.

Our pastor apologized profusely. I really do believe that he is truly sorry. And I have forgiven him. Like I said, he's a great man who made a mistake. We all make mistakes. We are human!

Still...I cannot bring myself to get past it. I've gone to church a couple of times since then, but my heart was not with me. I feigned warmth, but I was really uncomfortable. A place that always felt like home to me is now full of strangers!

Everything has changed. While the rest of the congregation is oblivious to what transpired, I still feel extremely uncomfortable in church. I've avoided the actual service each time we've been since then. Instead, I just hang out with my kids in Children's Church pretending that they really need me by their sides.

I'm so sad. And I'm so confused. I do not want to continue skipping Sunday service. I did not grow up in church, and vowed that my children would. I want them to know God. Right now, though, we are in limbo. Not going. My kids are turning into vegetation on the sofa. We've got to get our groove back!

Any advice? What would you do in this situation? How do I go forward? Will the time and distance eventually heal our relationship with our pastor?

Good for you for not losing your faith through all this trial. We have similar experiences in the family with different outcomes: I kept going to the same church but am no longer actively involved; my aunt quit going to church anywhere. Any changes for us would involve driving a minimum of 50 miles round trip to churches of our denomination so we feel stuck and frustrated, having forgiven but not being able to forget. If you have the option, I think I would consider moving my membership to a church where I could be an active participant and let the past get behind me. Hang in there-you know Satan would like you to lose this battle.