All my own raw, and brutally honest words (unless other stated). I know the grammar, punctuation and spelling may not be perfect, but neither am I. All feed back is welcome! Thank you for taking a second to look into my crazy thoughts! :) I hope my writing makes you think, smile or even better laugh a little!

Month: October 2016

We did it! We made it through another week!
I found this post the other day on Tumblr and I absolutely love it!
Find something you’re scared of this weekend and go do it!
Tell that boy or girl you like him, go to that yoga class you’ve been wanting to try, go out and own that dance floor at your favourite bar.
Too often in life, we tell ourselves we’ll do the things we want to do later but go do them. None of us are promised another tomorrow. Live each day like it’s the last!

Have a wonderful weekend and for those of you (like myself) who are doing the midterm grind, WE CAN DO IT! 🙂

*I found this post in my ‘drafts’ and decided to revisit and post it. I sometimes write in moments of anger or frustration, and by the post you are about to read, this was obviously one of them. This is not meant to come across as rude or hurtful and I am not trying to target or single anyone out in particular. I just felt I had to share my side and my viewpoint.
-A

Okay, maybe we should start with what ‘ghosting’ is (in my understanding). It is the deletion of people from one’s social media (ie. Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, SnapChat, etc.). Harsh? I guess in some people’s views, but here is my side of it.

If we dated or were friends, and we fell apart for whatever reason, to me that is where it ends. Why would I want you to have an insight into my life or allow myself the insight into yours? You chose to no longer be a part of my life. Why should you get to see the events that go on in my life, the things that make me smile or the new experiences that I am having? If you hurt me, you don’t deserve to see me smile anymore.

There is a quote that often pops up on my Twitter or Tumblr and it says something about: “If they blocked you, then you won.” This quote drives me crazy because this quote calls me out, it says I’m the weak one. It tells me that I am letting my exes, old friends, and people that have broken my heart win. But I don’t see it like that. There is no winning when someone’s heart is broken, or a friendship is lost. There is only loss. Why should it matter who blocks who? Who can withstand seeing the other person or people happy without you the longest? Not only do I not want to you to see my life, but I don’t want to allow myself to see yours’.

People think my actions are selfish and you know what, maybe in some people’s eyes they are and I’m not going to try and change their minds. I would rather not see what my exes or old friends are doing via social media, and if that’s selfish of me, then so be it. You can call me childish or immature and you can tell me I’m just trying to hurt the people that have hurt me, but in reality, I’m stopping myself from obsessing over Instagram posts and SnapChats. If I want to find out how these people are, I’m forcing myself to have to text or call them, not just creep their profiles.

Across my social media accounts, I try to spread positivity. I want to be surrounded by people who will congratulate me on my successes and appreciate how I see the world through the pictures I post. I live my life for me, not the likes.

I was sitting in class the other day (clearly paying very good attention), and I was analysing my dating life, or for better words, the lack thereof.

Relationships and Ashley do no mix. I have been super single for a super long time, and as much as I enjoy my independence and time to myself, I am ready to share my life with another person. But if there’s one thing I’ve learnt in life, is that everything has its own process. Things happen when you least expect them too.

I am always so quick to blame the other person in my relationships for not working; they were too controlling, they weren’t understanding enough, they weren’t supportive of me.. blah blah blah.. The most important thing about a relationship is knowing that you not only need to find someone who is willing to give a part of themselves to you, but you also need to be willing to give up parts of yourself. And that you are willing to take half the blame if it doesn’t go as planned. You need to be willing to hear two sides to every story, you need to be willing to not always put yourself first anymore and you need to be willing admit that your way of seeing things, maybe isn’t always the best way.

Personally, I find myself in the kind of relationships where one of us is always trying to ‘fix’ the other one. I claimed myself as the ‘rebound girl’ because I always find myself chasing after boys who just broke up with someone and of course the last thing these guys want at that moment is another girlfriend, but let me tell you, have I ever tried my darnest to convince them otherwise. Of course, in the end, I am always the one who is left feeling broken and betrayed.

I see relationships as puzzles. Each person is a puzzle with missing pieces. When you are in a relationship, you give your pieces to another person to try and make their puzzle whole. If only one person in the relationship is doing this, then in a result, only one person will end up as a whole. If you are equally contributing back and worth to giving and taking pieces of each other’s puzzles, that’s how a relationship and life with someone else is built.

I am the kind of person who loves to give pieces of my puzzle to everyone. I am constantly giving, but it’s rare that I ever find someone who is willing to give an equal amount to me. So at the end of relationships, I always find myself missing more puzzle pieces than I started with. I end up feeling resentful, hurt, broken and empty. Is that my ex-partners’ fault? No, I wouldn’t say so. I am in control of my life, and it should be my job to realise when I am giving more than I am receiving.

It’s important to realise that the point of some relationships may simply be to teach you a lesson, about yourself and about what you want in life. Despite the negative outcomes of my past relationships, I have learnt something from each of them. I think after healing from every breakup, I have learnt the most important thing of all. That you should never put the blame solely on one person; not only on yourself and not only on the other person. A relationship is two people. Two faults. Two lessons. And two hearts that are being hurt. I need to remember that even the most heartless of boys have hearts too. 🙂