a lonely mother

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Broken

There comes a time when you realise you are alone in your own mind. My mind is a dangerous place. However you always tell yourself that there is someone out there who cares about you. Until that one person makes you feel like you mean absolutely nothing to them for a moment, while you try to tell them how alone you are with tears spilling into your coffee. Yet they turn away in disgust saying to grow up. In that split second you see that nobody ever does truly care. You believe you have someone to go to for guidance and love and a prayer, then they smack you back down into the ground. Where you believe you belong.
I’m not loved by my own Mother and its not her that I’m speaking of. She was the topic of conversation that I struggle with, always fighting for approval from and get nothing in return but attitude of annoyance and regret that I was born. I have no one who will sit and listen to my pain anymore, I never have since an Angel was taken from us. I’m so alone. I get angry. I shout. I’m the bitter pill. They don’t see why, nobody listens and nobody wants to hear me. So they choose to brand me as spoilt, childish, dramatic, a pain in the arse, all I want is help. I’m not those things. I’m drowning in loathing and anguish, I see no way out. Its constantly dark and I don’t want to see, think, hear or speak anymore.