Confidence or Coincidence?

Friday, 1 June 2018

Hey, hey, hey and happy first of June!

With today marking the start of a brand new month, in a way I think we've all been given yet another chance at a fresh start in 2018. Realistically, I'm aware we can choose to start over or do better at practically any given moment of our lives. If I'm being totally honestly, I'm not sure our growing or journey of self discovery truly ever ends, but I'm all for taking golden opportunities like new months, seasons and years to constantly remind myself to re-evalutate and re-establish exactly where I'm at and where I'm going on this wild ride.

Given a general overlook at the current makings of my life, I think it's safe to say I'm not in desperate need of a complete reboot or shift in direction seeing as things are trotting along on their own without much complaint. That said, if my life were like a road trip, I feel like I'm a passenger in the back seat, periodically looking up from my phone to take in the view before checking back into what's next on the list or what everyone else is doing. Here I am, unsure of where exactly I'm heading and not entirely too aware of the ride.

As a kid, I can remember taking road trips to different towns that felt like lightyears away. I'd pop my headphones in and daydream as I stared out at the clouds and rolling pines, lost in scenarios and circumstances playing like a highlight reel of a life I was driving towards. I'd dream of being in my thirties, colour coding folders as I prepped my class lesson for the following day or of designing clothes of all styles with long drapes of fabrics that moved like the ocean only to return to my sky rise apartment at night. No road was ever to long, and no idea was ever to far fetched - to the point I'd trace these dreams backwards to the present day and come up with sketches and plans I needed to start making so I could reach my end destination. Now that I'm older, I'm realizing I've lost a bit of that ability to drive and dream, instead finding my focus swimming in a sea daily bills and overdue text messages.

So evidently, here I am asking myself with another fresh beginning ahead what can I work on this month to improve the ride of the thing we call life?

What can I do to not only take control off the wheel, steering down and around the winding roads but also howl in excitement at the ride that comes with it? Was it confidence or coincidence, the select people in this world who managed to arrive at the end of their lives in a state of awe and bliss at the enjoyment of their journey? How could I be sure to not become one who showed up unaware that the entire time, the destination was never meant to be the focus of the drive?

One thing I think I fumbled with over the month of May was my confidence. It was as if any fun idea or move I wanted to make was constantly under my own scrutiny and I couldn't stop stumbling back and forth between feeling like I was on my own to feet only to have the ground kicked out from beneath me. I was convinced I had lost my ability to tune into what I was doing with a sense of self-trust, awareness, joy and confidence. Not only that, I would then follow up this realization with soul dampening guilt and blame for not feeling myself or living out the version of my life where I was much happier and shared a higher energy. The weight of how I had somehow found myself pressing forward on the gas peddle, in a rush to get who knows where in state of panic only to then slam on the breaks in fear I might be heading in the wrong direction held me captive while life flashed me by. I had full control over my foot on the gas peddle and everyday that passed was a new chance to set aim and take direction. To sit back and enjoy the ride. To make signals to the Universe of what way I wanted to go. To count miles and minutes by memories instead of must-do's. If only I gave myself the confidence to believe in my ability to do so.

I don't think we land in the places we need to be by sheer coincidence. I have a sneaking suspicion in order to enjoy and trust the ride, we have to show up for the journey with confidence and charisma. It is for that reason, my optimal goal and main focus for this month is to rely more on my confidence rather than just hoping to know where I'm going by mere coincidence. This month, I'm all about taking action instead of waiting for direction. It's about grabbing the wheel and steering the ride instead of pretending I have no responsibility in ending up where I would like to go.

If you're reading this and you're feeling a little lost, know that in just believing you can trust your intuition as a guide along the twisting roads of this life, you will feel even a few miles closer to being found. While months, days, miles and minutes are man-made increments to map out moments and destinations we jump to without any say or control - we can use the the open road ahead of us in conjunction with the idea that this life is meant to be nothing but an adventure as the first day marked on the road trip to a field of dreams. The thing is, we all have no idea where we're going. That said, we do have say in whether we let the fear of not knowing keep us from turning up the tunes, rolling down the windows and sticking out a hand so we can feel the thrill of the life as it traces between our fingers.

When we show up with a little bit of confidence, a few good road trip snacks and a feel good playlist to set the soundtrack of our lives, I have faith that's when the Universe steps in to fill in the map with a bit of what we can only call coincidence. A sweet serendipity that leaves us somehow showing up exactly where we are destined to be.

May your June be warm, your air sweet and your road take your places beyond your wildest dreams.

Omg Kalyn!! You never fail to surprise me with your amazing flow in writing and your blog posts always show how passionate you are about letting your feelings, emotions and thoughts all out to the world. Keep writing and journalling, I can see that you're so talented in this sort of field more than you could ever think. I can't wait for your book to be released, because c'mon you're my favorite author already!

you're an inspiration , some kind of magic, your videos are my saving grace whenever i feel down , anxious and depressed, or whenever i need a little push through the road of hope and motivation, im so gratefulall the love from Tunisia... <3

Kalyn, this blog post really set up a connection with me. I felt as though you described how I've been living my life perfectly, and I need to change that. This has really inspired me to start living with confidence and letting everything fall into place itself.

Thank you so much for posting this! I cannot even begin to describe how much this resonates with me right now. Taking action instead of waiting for direction has been an experiment for me, but I am loving the ride. Thank you for inspiring me to live bigger and brighter each day. I hope your summer is an incredible trip!

I really love the content you put on your blog and YouTube channel. This post is so well put together. The narrative style of your writing always gets me pumped up for life. I would request you to please do a video on Tips on creating a blog or just Stuff you think are important for every blog to have. Thanks a lot. Keep posting such lovely content.