“That’s it, I’m just done.” My friend was on her last legs. It was about three weeks before her wedding and, as her bridesmaid, I felt like I had run out of ways to be helpful. Because, to be frank, sh*t had hit the fan. The two families seemed to be at war, key plans were falling through, and the whole thing was starting to feel...joyless.

And it only got worse. Things continued to unbearably stressful and everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. But, about a week before the wedding, something amazing happened— the bride stopped caring. It wasn’t that she stopped caring about her marriage or her wedding, but she stopped caring about every little thing being perfect. And it was like we all got to breathe a huge sigh of relief. Suddenly, things started to get better. There were still problems, of course, but a delayed wedding cake didn’t feel like the end of the world— because we knew it would all be OK in the end.

I know, it can be hard to let go. Let go of the time, the energy, the money that’s gone into every tiny detail of your wedding. It’s one day, your day, and you want it to all be just how you imagined— and how you worked for it to be. But there’s a whole lot you can gain if you accept that your wedding won’t be perfect. Here’s why you should let go (at least a little bit).

Because Perfection Is Impossible

First, nothing is perfect. Except maybe pizza. But other than pizza, nothing is perfect. So if that’s what you’re striving for, you’re bound to be disappointed because it’s pretty much impossible. And do you really want to nearly guarantee disappointment on your wedding day? No, of course not. If you accept that a few things are going to go wrong, then you won’t panic when they do. So don’t set yourself up for failure.

Because You Won’t Be In The Moment

If you want everything to be perfect, you’re going to waste a lot of time making sure that it is — or trying to. And that’s not what weddings are about. Instead of making sure that there are the exact number of flowers that you wanted in each centerpiece and or trying to keep track of every person at all times, try to relax. This is your wedding. And in order to enjoy it, you actually have to be present in the moment. It’s hard to enjoy something that you’re not really experiencing. By accepting that a few things might go wrong, you’ll be able to take a step back and actually look around. If you do that, you’ll see that there’s a whole lot going right.

Because Laughter Is The Best Medicine

Seriously, accepting a few blips will let you laugh about them. And that’s the best way you can handle them. If you decide beforehand that it’s going to be a little messy here and there then, if something really does go wrong then it feels a lot better to throw your hands up and make a joke out of it than to have a total meltdown. Acceptance is the first step towards seeing the funny side.

Because It’s About The People

A wedding isn’t about perfect flowers and perfect cakes and perfectly identical bridesmaids’ jewelry. It’s about the people. That’s where your focus should be. And only so many things can go wrong if you’re focusing on being with the people you love. Seriously, as long as you and your partner and the people you care about are there, the wedding has all it needs.

Because Marriage Isn’t Perfect, Either

Ultimately, deciding your wedding won’t be perfect not only lets you enjoy it a whole lot more, it’s also a much better reflection of married life. Seriously, is freaking out over a fork not looking right or a flower being a little droopy how you want your marriage to start? Are you going to spend your whole marriage panicking about profiteroles? Nope! Marriage isn’t perfect either— and you don’t want to spend the rest of your life in a mini-meltdown over issues as minor as font color. So let’s try to have as much perspective about the wedding as you want to have in your marriage. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

It can be difficult to admit, when you’ve spent so much time and energy planning a wedding, that every detail probably won’t be just how you imagined it would be. But once you can admit and accept that, it gives you the opportunity to relax and be present enough to really enjoy your wedding. So have the same mindset toward your wedding that you want to have to your marriage: it should be about enjoying the time with the people you love. The rest is just details.