The most important relationship you'll ever have…is the one with yourself

Saturday, February 12, 2011

One Half of "This Gay Relationship"

Over the years, despite Chris not liking his picture taken, I've insisted on shoving a camera in his face many times to ensure fun events we've shared together are captured and not lost forever to memory. And because I'm still trying to convince him just how photogenic he really is.

I'd like to share a few of these with you. I think you'll get a sense of the type of person Chris is from how he appears in these pictures, and why I love him so much. Enjoy.

My absolute favorite picture of him. He never smiles full-out, ever. I got this one by skulking around the deck of a BC ferry when we were on our way from Victoria to Kelowna several years ago, waiting for the right moment to press the shutter. Finally, I broke him down, and I snapped at just the right time. I'm so glad the picture's in focus, we were goofing around so much. I call this his young Dr. Phil look.

On Kailua Beach on O'ahu, Chris's favorite, three or four years ago. Now, he doesn't like pictures where he's wearing a mustache, but I love them because he can grow one. I'm so envious of him.

Returning to Victoria on the Coho Ferry from Port Angeles, Washington, about two and a half years ago. The sun hit his face just right. I love how contented he looks.

On Humboldt Street in Victoria, BC, where we lived from August 2000 to April 2009. I'd just bought that tam for him in Southern California. He didn't think he had a hat face, but I proved him wrong. He took to the tam, and now, he even wears a fedora. All hats look great on him.

Around the small pool at the Jardin du Tuileries in Paris in late September 2008. We had just returned from a relaxing stroll down the Champs Elysees, a visit to the Arc de Triomphe, and the afternoon was sunny, warm, and splendid. What an experience.

Heather, your reaction--the reactions from other readers, too--continues to surprise me. I guess I've always felt, in this age of irony, sharing personal aspects of oneself and one's life isn't appreciated, is frowned upon, will be taken the wrong way. Yet your comments tell me sharing allows you and others to feel closer to me, to get to know me more intimately, and I like that. I like that a lot.Thanks for your wonderful comment. I really appreciate it.

Well, Rick, you can tell Chris his photo phobia is unwarranted, he's very photogenic! (Not to mention a real cutie pie...) And FWIW, I truly believe facial hair is over-rated, my husband has had a few beards and mustaches over the years, and not only are they "aging," ew, they are prickly! I love that last one, the trim hair, the background, the colours, the three-day beard, very European!

And no, this isn't over sharing. It's great. I have talked to you about more important things than I have to most of my friends who I see on a regular basis over the last few weeks, and these snippets of your life make it feel like a friendship, where you hang out in someone's kitchen and talk about all sorts of things. It's just really wonderful to see all of it. Thank you...really.

My husband too resists posing for pics, so I end up with many of him making a funny face, or the side of his head. Our new deal is one smiling shot per vacation, then I leave him in peace. Which I don't, of course, but in theory we have a deal...

I like the Kailua Chris and the Paris Chris, though he looks great in all the shots! Jesse insists on screening any photo of him before I post it, and will only approve ones with sunglasses! What's with all the shy guys? : )

Love the fourth picture: has kind of worm spy fellow theme and perfect positioning with the background scenery, + it seems like Chris loves that you are taking this picture! Great work!

I feel that a cat has stolen my tongue in respect to all gay themes. Been feeling overly gay-neutral lately. Maybe because university is quite interesting and I have a wish to end my BSc studies at the beginning of the summer. And the photography course is just amazing. Our lecturer has an academic view on arts and has such a rich personality and expression skills. Love life!

I enjoyed reading the reasons why your gay relationship has been long-lasting. I have no experience with relationships, but still I compared this list to my grandparents marriage. Everything is so true! Whenever I think that real love does not exist I have to remember my grandparents: they started dating in early twenties and are still together 50 years later. Still kissing, hugging and holding hands. They are so sweet!

And I thank you people for remembering to me with your words that when life shows its painful side I can no longer say that no-one would care about me as a gay person. I thank you for being a constant reminder that I can't run away from myself and my ultimate task in life: to love myself and to spread this warm feeling to my companions.

What a beautiful comment, elevencats! And it sounds like school is going really well for you, and that you are feeling good about life, I'm so pleased for you! Please keep coming back and keeping us up to date on what you're doing, I'm sure everyone would love to hear. Cheers!

If I had a crystal ball, I would say Elevencats will find true love just like his grandparents did (maybe there will be photography involved : )! Thanks for sharing your grandparents' story right before Valentine's Day.

Wow! So many comments to respond to. That's great. And thanks for your patience, everyone. Sorry to take so long.

I passed along all your compliments to Chris, and he turned several shades of red. But I know he appreciated them, so, on his behalf, thank-you.

@Sarah: I call Chris my cutie pie all the time, so, when I read you thought that too, I laughed. Great minds, eh?

On the subject of facial hair, if you've gone back into the archive of older posts, I'm sure you've read where I believe facial and body hair are physical symbols of masculinity. Since, as a gay man, I struggled with my masculinity for years, you might understand how facial hair is important, not just to me but to many gay men. A lot of us, if we're able to grow it, hide behind it, and use it to disguise our homosexuality. That's just the way it is. I've always wished I could do the same thing.

And, you know what, I loved kissing Chris when he had a thick mustache, and I love kissing his unshaven face, too. It feels great. Maybe that's just a part of being gay, or a personal preference, I'm not sure which.

Thank you for appreciating my openness here, and for saying that you don't think I'm over-sharing (great word--I wish it had come to me when I wrote my comment to chaoticGRRL). I love how honest we can be with each other in this context. Curiously, anonymity allows for a greater degree of openness. I consider that one of the advantages of the Internet.

@Brahm: What is it about not wanting our picture taken? I know for a fact people take the worst pictures of me ever when I'm too uptight about the camera pointed in my direction. If I could just learn to relax and be myself, I know I'd be a far better subject. But I think some of it has to do with thinking pictures don't really capture who we think we are, or how we want to appear to others. I know that's how I feel, anyway.

@Doug: The sunglasses have to go. I bet you feel as I do when you see a celebrity present himself with sunglasses, and they're not even outside in the sun. It'a all about needing something to hide behind, isn't it?

@elevencats: I'm so thrilled to read you are happy in school and in your photography course. The two words you wrote, "Love life," make my heart sing. Thank you for sharing that.

Your grandparents sound wonderful. I wish I could meet them.

And your final paragraph makes me feel everything I'm trying to do here in my blog--along with my readers--is all worthwhile. Yes, we are here for you, and, as Sarah says, we want you to keep coming back and telling us how you're doing. The very best to you always.

You know, I have to add one more thing to the comments I've made thus far.

Sure, Chris is physically attractive, and I love to look at him. But if you could meet him and see how sweet and generous and patient and kind and gentle he is, you'd all know just how attractive he is on the inside, too.

I'm blessed to share my life with someone who is beautiful inside and out. I couldn't ask for better.

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About Me

I'm a 55-year-old writer, who lives in Metro Vancouver, and I've been in a loving, committed, and monogamous relationship with a wonderful man for twenty-two years.
While I've used my blog to write on different subjects over the past four years, currently, you'll find the majority of posts about my relationship with Chris; my experience as a gay man; and self-esteem as it relates to gay people.
My intention is to help you on your journey to become a fully-realized gay or lesbian person. I hope you find something here that resonates with you, and you'll come back often. Please leave a comment on any post that interests you or send me an email. I want to hear what you have to say.