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Chapter 3

The Story

The Authors

A skanky slut out on the street corner waiting to do him.

steph

He went over to her and asked if she wanted to to go somewhere with him. So they got into the car and drove to the Holiday Inn on Floral St. After talking a bit Steve placed his hand gently beneath Sarah's skirt and felt around.

sophy

Until there was a loud clang and scream of agony. Sarah smiled victoriously as Steve tried to remove his hand from the bear trap in Sarah's panties. "Now look what you've done," Sarah mocked. "You've got blood all over my new skirt." Steve's eyes were wide with fear and surprise (and an almost fanatical devotion to the pope). "Let me go you bitch!" he wailed. "Uh oh," Sarah wagged her finger at Steve. "You called me a bitch and that means I have to cut your head off." Sarah reached under the bed and pulled out a chain saw. With one fluid motion she started the motor and lopped off poor Steve's head. This was not how Steve imagined his evening would turn out. Meanwhile, Shrapnel Mike was still trying to convince Lord Vishnu that Studio 54 was no longer in business.

cuddles and Happy Boy

"All right," said Janice, "this has gone too far. Sarah, give me that chainsaw."
"Janice!!" screamed Sarah. "You died several stories ago!" "So?" asked Janice. "I thought you guys would figure it out someday - but you haven't! All right!! I'll say it again!!! I AM IMMORTAL!!!!" Sarah passed out because of the overwhelming force of Janice's 143- decibel scream. Then Kristi, Dianne's angel, Vashondra, and Bitzy appeared out of the shadows. It was the immortal Fictional Five! "No matter what you do, no matter how you try, we'll come back to you by and by!" chanted Kristi. She was the prettiest. Shrapnel Mike almost... well, that doesn't matter because Bitzy pulled the shrapnel out of him. Then they left all the characters in this pathetic story where everyone keeps changing the subject to recuperate, and then they went home for breakfast because it was 8:50 A.M. Vashondra had rice krispies. Bitzy had toast with butter. Dianne had toast with cream cheese. Kristi had pancakes, and Janice had granola. Suddenly there was a knock at the door...

Carolyn

It was the one and only Officer Pencilthinmoustache, pencil and pad in hand. He took a deep and triumphant breath and stated in his most stentorious and policeman-like tones a hearty "A-ha!" Having already spent much time in the build up to this very moment Officer Pencilthinmoustache had by then unfortunately forgotten the part that was to have come after the triumphant " A-ha" but ever one to think on his feet, he merely said it again. "A-ha!" There was a pregnant pause that followed. This pregnant pause then proceeded to give birth to a litter of puppies, all spotted black and brown and very very adorable which in turn gave them something to focus on whilst Officer Pencilthinmoustache tried to remember the bit that was supposed to come after the first triumphant "A-ha!"

Lanark

Lydia leaned over and grabbed the remote. "I'm getting kinda bored with these British police dramas" she remarked aloud to no one in particular. There was no one to listen to the remark anyway, she was alone, even the cat had gone outside. She rose to her feet, extinguished the television and padded quietly to the kitchen to make some herbal tea. The infrared sensors changed colour in rotation as she moved through the large suburban home she shared with Max Bialistuck the Minnesota impresario. She wasn't expecting visitors.

Ignacious

But she got visitors. "Hello," said Janice, Kristi, Dianne, Vashondra, and Bitzy. "AAAAAAAAAAA!!!" said Lydia. "We need a roadmap so we can go to the mall," said Kristi. "I want to go to the amusement park," said Bitzy. "Remember what happened last time?" said Janice. "Actually," said Vashondra, "it was kind of fun." Then the Fictional Five got into a big argument over where they should go next, and finally...

Carolyn

they decided to go get a room at the local Motel 6 for some wild and crazy lesbian group sex. Maybe, if they are oh so very lucky, a certain naked dwarf would join them.