7.25.16

Photo By: Jianna Campbell

A Fresh Start

Written By: Meagan Johnson

Hi, my name is Meagan. I just turned 30 and I feel so old...lol. I thought by this age I would be in a totally different place in my life. Other people look at me and see a strong, independent woman who has everything together. But that’s not all true. This past year has been extremely hard for me. I struggled with finding myself, depression and being happy with who I am.

My “friend” once told me that I have no reason to be sad. She said, “You have family, tons of friends, nice place, a career and a Masters.” I got really mad because even though I had all of that, I wasn’t happy. I was 29, single, lonely and I didn’t love myself. I dated the wrong guys because it was better to have someone rather than no one. But in the end it always made me feel worse. But who could I really blame but myself.

Around November I got so depressed with my life that I didn’t want to do anything. I barely wanted to live. I was tired of the same routine. I wasn’t happy with anything at that point. As time went on I just felt like a robot. Go to work, go home, meet up with a friend and then go home. I started dating a guy and I continued talking to him for the same reasons as usually do. Every time one ended I blamed myself. After the last one it made me feel like I wasn’t worth it. I felt that I was not marriage or even girlfriend material. Every guy I dated ended up in a serious relationship after me. So it had to be me.

So around spring break I decided that I would only do things that made me happy. I decided that I would focus on me. That’s when I decided to move to Houston. I've always talked about it but always found an excuse as to why I shouldn’t. I knew that if I didn’t do it now that I would never do it. I started the process to get my Teaching certificate, I bought a ticket to go to a job fair and I did my budget. I got a job and found an apartment. So I was technically ready.

​I knew that moving to a new place would not solve all of my problems so I made a list of things that I would do. The first was to see a counselor, second was not to date over the summer and the last was to only do things that I want to do. So far I’ve done ok. I’m a work in progress but I’m making steps in the right direction. I have 2 weeks left before I move and everyone keeps asking me if I’m excited. And honestly I’m terrified. But I know a fresh start, new place, new people and new environment will be great for me. I’m learning that nothing is wrong with me and that the right person will come at the right time. The best thing I can do is to be ready when that does happen. Working on myself and dealing with issues and the past is the best thing I can do for myself right now. My ultimate goal is to be happy. I’m ready to press the restart button and begin my fresh start! ​