Interpreting Football Catchwords A Breeze With Super Bowl Guide

January 23, 1986|By Bill Bond, Lake County Columnist

Here is a mini-version glossary of Super Bowl XX catchwords and football jargon for folks who will hunker down in front of the television set Sunday to watch football's biggest game. This year's contestants: the Chicago Bears and the New England Patriots.

This brief sampling may provide aid and comfort to folks who are not accustomed to watching 22 gorilla-shaped men stuffed into stretch tights chasing after an oblong piece of cowhide on a 100-yard playing field.

A word of caution: This glossary has not been sanctioned by the National Football League. Here goes:

-- The Fridge: The 310-pound Bears lineman whose real name is William Perry; a.k.a. a place to store beer, leftover shrimp creole and wounded Patriots.

-- The Super Bowl Shuffle: A musical video cut by the Bears. Call this new rock group the Chicago Assault and Battery Looney Tunes Squad.

-- Quarterback: This is the most important player in the stadium, next to the ticket sales clerks. The quarterback isn't hard to spot; just look for the player who is most often knocked on his back by bigger players and who throws the ball a lot.

-- A down and out receiver: No, this guy isn't on food stamps or in the unemployment line. He is one of the smaller and lighter players with the ability to sprint down the field to catch those passes the quarterback throws -- that is if the thrower is not on the ground.

-- Tight end: He is a receiver used normally for quick, short passes. Then again, he may be the tipsy gate crasher that Bears Coach Mike Ditka plans to use occasionally as a 12th player to confuse the referee.

-- Kentucky windage: A Davy Crockett-era method of improving accuracy for shooting wild turkeys, rabbits and bears, it now is often used by football crazed spectators-turned-game terrorists who throw missiles at unsuspecting game officials on the field. The weaponry can be messy and deadly -- especially the empty booze bottles.

-- Scoreless: When a team does not score any points. The term also refers to players from both teams who went scoreless on Bourbon Street during Super Bowl Week parties.

-- Barking: A sometimes effective disguise used by a quarterback to fake the opposing team into thinking he is a passing German shepherd in pads. Normally barking means loud, sharp calling of signals.

-- Statue of Liberty: Chrysler's Lee Iaccoca passing the hat through the stands at halftime for donations for his next international challenge: to renovate the Roman Colosseum.

-- The game's most valuable player: The 310-pound ''Fridge'' Perry for his starring role in a recent TV commercial where he modeled giant Fruit of the Loom undies.

-- Punt: Kicking the ball to the other team when the offense isn't moving the football and my cue to end this column.