The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Saturday, 14 April 2012

Tories Sulk As Unite Negotiates Deal.

The Tory party is in disarray tonight as Unite continues to calmly negotiate over pay and conditions and stubbornly refuses to come out on strike. "It's a bloody disgrace," a Tory party spokesperson told out reporter. "We've done everything we can to provoke them but they just refuse to strike. We had all of our ducks in a row - the public were primed to panic at a moments notice, the army was in place to make it look like we know what we're doing and we were sure the union was up for it. We had a re-run of the 1980's all set up and now it looks like it was all for nothing. I suppose we'll just to have to find some other union to pick a fight with. The only other viable alternative is for a war with Argentina over the Falklands again and they're playing hard to get as well. It's getting harder and harder to find a way to divert public attention away from our complete incompetence I tell you."