A guide to table etiquette for the festive season

In A Butler's Guide to Table Manners, Nicholas Clayton – a butler of over 20 years – shares his professional expertise on table etiquette. We've picked a few of our favourite tips from the book to help you navigate some of the potential minefields that you're sure to face at those many Christmas dinner parties.

1. How to understand the dress code

"What a lot of men don't understand about black tie is that it is designed to show off women, not men. The ensemble should be regarded as a sartorial blank slate onto which a beautifully groomed and elegant woman can drape herself all evening."

2. What to do when handed a canapé

"If you are holding a plate, never take a piece of crudité or a canapé and put it straight in your mouth; it should touch down on your plate first. Take one at a time, not a handful. It is the waiter's job to make sure you are offered more."

3. When you are served bread...

"Never cut bread or bread rolls. Break the bread with your fingers and butter a small piece at a time with your butter knife. The only time it is permissible to butter a piece of bread without breaking it is at breakfast when a slice of toast has probably been cut in half already."

4. What not to talk about

"Where once sex, religion and politics were taboo subjects for table conversation, these days pretty much anything goes; however, medical procedures, illness and money are still beyond the pale and should be avoided. Showing off about a recent trip around the world can be very irritating to people, as can great detailed monologues about your latest automative acquisition – this and similar 'boasts' may be considered gauche, anyway, so best avoided as well."

5. If there is a buffet...

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"If you are attending an event that has a buffet, you will be expected to serve yourself. There really is only one rule: don't load your plate as if you are never going to eat again! It is definitely undignified and off-putting for other guests who will immediately notice any overt piggy behaviour."

6. When using a napkin...

"To be very polite, one should never actually wipe around the mouth but simply dab at the corners of the mouth to remove crumbs; do this as a matter of course before drinking from a glass or cup and before leaving the table. You can, however, wipe your hands with your napkin."

7. When you're met with garnish...

"There are no rules about eating the garnish that decorates your dinner but I think most people would leave it, no matter how appetising the scene from Swan Lake looks whittled from a carrot. Feel free, however, to eat whatever comes with your cocktail (not the umbrella or the sparkler, obviously)."

8. When you're served champagne...

"Don't be insulted if you are handed a third of a glass of Champagne, this is perfect etiquette: hold a full glass of Champagne for half an hour and it becomes too warm to drink and quite unpalatable."

9. When it comes to drinking...

"These days it is considered very ill-mannered to get drunk. If it happens to you, best to just make yourself scarce and preferably in a taxi."

For guidance on the polite way to eat spaghetti and how best to open a bottle of Champagne (you should never hear the pop), pick up a copy of A Butler's Guide to Table Manners, out now and available at Waterstones.

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