Atlanta, GA - The
Center for Disease Control in Atlanta, GA confirmed today the presence of yet
another dangerous viral infection. The newly discovered virus has been
tentatively dubbed Aerodyne Fever pending results of intensive tests currently
in progress. It has been reported that the symptoms of the infection are
quite similar to influenza. Victims report a vague sense of wistful
urgency along with a morbid fascination with weather conditions. According
to preliminary reports, those affected experience symptoms of a high fever with
no increase in body temperature shortly after exposure to the virus. They
are often found, apparently transfixed, staring intently at the horizon,
mumbling strange, unintelligible incantations as if engaged in conversation with
an invisible being. Although the virus is definitely airborne, there is
strong evidence of infection by personal contact. Carriers may be found at
public parks, schoolyards or on any open ground where wind velocity measures
between 5 and 25 miles per hour. Research scientists are advising the
public to exercise extreme caution when approaching any individual who is
engaged in flying an aerodyne of any description and to avoid any invitation to
participate in handling or manipulating said aerodyne.

The condition was first
observed during the early 1980's but infections were isolated and thought to be
restricted to coastal areas. However, the arrival of the 90's brought
widespread outbreaks across the USA. Physicians have reported patient
complaints including pale circles surrounding both eyes with evidence of tanning
or burning of the lower cheeks and the interior neck area, a chronic neck pain
which intensifies with elevation of the chin, elongated upper extremities, and
an inexplicable excess of sand particles in all body crevices. The
advanced stages include aimless pacing before windows, a preoccupation with
flags and treetops, the insatiable desire to watch the Weather Channel and an
urgent need to purchase oddly shaped pieces of nylon material. Days
characterized by winds exceeding 12 miles per hour seem to draw crowds of
infected parties to large open areas where many aerodynes are released into the
skies, there to remain as long as prevailing winds permit. Symptoms
occasionally subside for short time periods following these highly infectious
events, only to reappear six to seven days later with greater intensity.
Carriers periodically gather en masse at coastal sites where intense
competitions are held to determine which of the victims is most critically
affected. To date, no cure has been identified and none is anticipated.
This is due to the fact that all researchers have contracted the virus and are
refusing assistance of any kind.