All Rise...

The Charge

If no one believes you, how can you warn them?

Opening Statement

While The Messengers has no surprises attached to it, it's the latest
run of the mill horror film by most categorizations. Yet it's got a couple of
"what the?" moments attached to it that really have nothing to do with
the film itself. Released in the box office apathy that is the month of
February, it made a little bit of cash. So now that it's on video now, is it
worth it, and worth it in high definition at that?

Facts of the Case

From a screenplay by Mark Wheaton, his first feature screenplay, and directed
by the odd sounding directorial pair of Danny and Oxide Pang in their American
directing debuts (the pair were responsible for the Hong Kong horror film The Eye), a family moves to North Dakota from
Chicago, where the father Roy (Dylan McDermott, Runaway Jury) grows sunflowers. However the
daughter Jess (Kristen Stewart, Panic
Room) feels that the house has a slightly haunted past, and those spirits
are mostly seen through their infant son. So it's kind of like The Amityville Horror, except
the family is a bunch of cinematic clichés. The father takes the family out
to the boonies on a whim, there's friction between him and his wife, their
teenage daughter is supposed to be a rebel, that kind of thing.

The Evidence

Throughout watching The Messengers, I felt ashamed. I was stunned at
just how much Kristen Stewart had grown up since I remember seeing her in Panic Room with Jodie Foster. Long gone is
the tomboy look, the hair is grown out and she looks a little like a young
Hilary Swank. But hey, she's not of legal drinking age yet, so imagine my
surprise when Dateline NBC came into my house and said "What are you doing
here?"

Yet that wasn't the only time when that occurred during the film. Stewart's
mother in the film is played by Penelope Ann Miller. Miller had been in quite a
few favorite films in the late '80s and early '90s. She played the romantic
interest in The Freshman,
Kindergarten Cop and Carlito's
Way to name a few, before disappearing into lesser recognizable roles. Yet
she comes back here, and plays the mom that always tells the teen
"No!" and is generally supposed to be a bitch. But come on, she looks
too nonthreatening for the role of ice princess, and it shows during the film,
because as the mother Denise, she goes from confining Jess to wanting to pack
the car up with her. So Penelope Ann Miller, what are you doing here?

John Corbett is another curious face that pops up here. Notable for his
roles in Northern Exposure and Sex and the City, he appears here
as a worker on the farm for Roy. He's a nice guy who is almost unrecognizable
with a ponytail and some facial hair, and he presumably meets his maker when
some artificial birds take him out Tippi Hedren style. In other supporting roles
that you only see for a moment and are thrown away in the film are Brent Briscoe
(A Simple Plan), who I think
contractually has to be in any film that is set on a farm. Oh yeah, and William
B. Davis is here for a minute or two as well. You might remember him as the
Cigarette Smoking Man on The X-Files, so it's a given that he's going to
look approximately 210 years old whenever he's on screen, but in here he doesn't
look good. Bill, get a chest x-ray and start talking to lawyers, it doesn't look
good. But moreover, guys, what are you doing here?

After the hour and a half experience of watching the film, despite whatever
work the actors are doing to keep the film afloat, it's bereft of any signs of
originality, and it starts from the jump. The house itself as an exterior looks
moderately creepy to begin with, so to see the family express joy at the house,
with the remotely upbeat music behind it, it's got some unintended humor. And to
see Denise tell Jess to go down into the basement with a cheery smile on her
face, you can almost see the "danger!" light go off. It's telegraphed
like a Chief Jay Strongbow kneelift. There are other moments (like near the end,
when Roy bumps into a male friend of Jess' and immediately knows his name even
though he never met the boy before that I recall) of silliness in varying
degrees, but you get the idea. To call this film a "rainy Saturday
afternoon" diversion film would be an insult to every calendar and every
weatherman out there.

Technically speaking, the MPEG-4 coded 1080p 1.85:1 anamorphic transfer
looks pretty good. There's some detail in most every image, and the sunflowers
look good, not to mention the computer generated crows that are prevalent
through the film. The PCM soundtrack is also not too shabby either, with lots of
surround activity. Peter Bracke asserted that the movie might be scarier
sonically, and if you can't let the performances speak for themselves, than you
probably have a problem. The extras are fairly scant, Stewart appears on a
commentary track with other members of the cast and crew, but it's pretty devoid
of information, not to mention activity. Several other small featurettes about
the film that collectively total a little over a half hour in time is the only
other supplement to speak of on the disc. But seriously, there's nothing worth
poring over extras wise, so what are you doing here?

The Rebuttal Witnesses

The performances from the grownups seem earnest enough. It would have been
nice to see a little bit more of McDermott in the film, as he was the best thing
that happened in the disappointing Wonderland from several years back, but
his appearance, like others in the film, seemed to be a bit of a waste, and the
cast must have been held at gunpoint to do the heavy lifting for this film.

Closing Statement

The Messengers made a worldwide profit of over three times its $16
million production budget. Simply put, it's the cinematic equivalent of a pop
act with no talent but a decent amount of charisma getting all the music sales
and popularity. Not only does it take away from other more talented acts, but
the way that it does is simply criminal. We (and by we I mean Hollywood) should
follow the late Robert Altman's advice when it comes to making movies, and make
them for thirty year olds instead of teenage boys, if for nothing else to watch
the cinematic landscape change.

The Verdict

The court includes their guilty verdict with a margarita, and swears it was
not going to do a thing to Stewart.