Share March 07, 1992's comic on:

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Ratbert sits on a lab bench and asks a man in a lab coat, "What product are we testing today, Doc?" The doctor replies, "We'll be testing the safety of cosmetics. This will be your most dangerous assignment." Ratbert walks outdoors wearing eye makeup and blush. People yell, "Hey baby!!" and "Whoa!! Whoa!!" Ratbert thinks, "Sometimes I hate this job."

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"Dogbert the Publisher"
"Dear Tim, your book does not meet our current publishing needs."
"Your plot was lame and I hated your characters. And by association I have come to hate you too."
"For safety reasons, I hired an illiterate person to rip up your manuscript. I would use the return envelope you provided but I'm afraid you might have licked the stamps."

Share April 04, 1995's comic on:

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Pointing to a map, Dogbert tells the Boss, "Your best bet is to relocate the company to Russia." Dogbert continues, "You can hire engineers for two cents a year!" The Boss asks, "Is it difficult to weed out the dumb ones?" Dogbert says, "No. And that leads me into the good news about their occupational safety laws." The Boss says, "It's like heaven!"

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Dogbert sits in the cockpit of an airplane. He says, "Attention, passenger." Dogbert continues, "I'm Captain Dogbert. This is my first flight. I'll bet you wish you hadn't cut the corporate training budget." The passenger, the CEO of the company, looks shocked. Dogbert continues, "For safety, keep an eye out the window . . . If it looks like we're gonna hit the ground, try jumping up right before impact." The passenger looks scared.

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The strip is titled, "Bob the Dinosaur rips the pants off of guys we hate for no reason." Bob says, "Yes!" The caption says, "Guys who wear those little helmets to ride a bicycle." A man wearing a helmet says, "Did a 100 K today." Bob rips his pants off and says, "Safety first!" The man screams. The caption says, "Guys who know actual dance steps." Bob reaches for a man who is dancing. The man screams as Bob rips his pants off. Bob says, "Women love that stuff!" The caption says, "Guys who know wine." A man sitting at a table in a restaurant tastes a glass of wine. He comments, "Fruitty, yet tannic . . ." Bob rips his pants off. He looks at the man's underwear and says, "Flowery, yet polyester!!" The caption says, "Guys who can stop a conversation cold." Dilbert says to two people at a party, "That reminds me of trellis code modulation." Bob reaches for his pants.

Share April 19, 1992's comic on:

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Dogbert sits on a pillow listening to the radio. Dilbert says, "Dogbert, come look at our new car!" They stand next to an automobile. Dilbert says, "It has all of the most important safety features." Dilbert continues, "You got your anti-lock brakes, your reinforced bumpers, your automatic seatbelts and your driver-side air bag." Dogbert says, "I didn't hear 'passenger side air bag' in that list." Dilbert says, "It turns out that it's only economical to save the person who makes the buying decision." Dilbert says, "But I got a baby seat in case you want to use that." Dogbert says angrily, "Well, thank you for letting me choose between humiliation and death. I've got a better idea." Dogbert drives the car and Dilbert sits in the passenger seat. Dilbert says, "Ooh . . . Just wait until MY turn." Dogbert says, "Watch me ram that car."

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A policeman with a watchdog says to Wally, "I'm with the cubicle police. This is a safety violation. He points to a huge stack of papers. Wally says, "It's perfectly safe unless you tap it with a flashlight or a dog jumps on it." The stack of paper collapses on the cop and his little dog, too. Dilbert says, "This plays right into my theory that cubicles are living organisms."

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The Boss, Wally and Dilbert are at a meeting. The Boss is holding a bottle of water. The Boss says, "Our safety department has tested our drinking water and found no problem." The Boss drinks the water. Wally says, "Then why do you drink only bottled water?" The Boss says, "Because that's what the safety department drinks."

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An under-the-weather Alice sits at her computer. Wally is wearing a protective head covering that looks like a large gas mask. Wally says, "I'm safe from your germs, Alice. You can sneeze all you want." Alice pulls the cap off the hose to Wally's gas mask as she begins to sneeze with a large sound of, "Aah..." Alice completes her sneeze into the hose of Wally's gas mask. Wally's head covering blows up like a huge balloon.