In reality, every day should be Mother's Day

News-Times, The (Danbury, CT)

Published
8:00 pm EDT, Saturday, May 10, 2008

America's first Mother's Day was celebrated 100 years ago in a Methodist church in West Virginia. Originator Anna M. Jarvis dedicated the rest of her life to establishing the day nationwide, inspired by the death of her own mother.

At that time it involved pure thinking and a lot of carnations, and florists pounced on the occasion with vigor. Anna became enraged at the commercialism, and was arrested in 1930 for disturbing the peace -- she was protesting the sale of flowers!

She also petitioned against a postage stamp honoring her mother. She probably wasn't fond of greeting card companies, either.

As Anna herself wrote, "What will you do to route charlatans, bandits, pirates, racketeers, kidnappers and other termites that would undermine with their greed one of the finest, noblest and truest movements and celebrations?"

Now there's a woman who really treasured her mother. But I find it interesting to note that Anna never became a mother herself. So she didn't really know. You have to have been there.

I raised three children, with better than average help from their devoted father. (Actually, he was probably the better parent in some ways, but this is about Mother's Day. He'll have to wait his turn.) These children are quite wondrous, and I am so proud of them--all six, actually, since I count their spouses as my own.

I am never sure whether my birth children turned out so well because of my rearing techniques, or despite them; but, filled with love and good intentions, I did the best I could. (Or so I tell myself, sometimes frantically; there are always those lurking maternal guilt trips . . .)

I fed these children, whether they liked it or not. The only meal I ever made that they all approved was fondue. Different pairs of the three tolerated vegetables, tuna fish, pot roast, spaghetti, and chocolate chip pancakes. Other than that, if I pleased any one of them I was doing well.

Nobody liked meatloaf.

I clothed them, and it wasn't easy once they were old enough to have opinions that mattered, at least to them.

My son went through a '70s phase of insisting on velour shirts, and we used to devote long hours to finding the perfect sneakers. (I don't know that he's changed all that much, except for the velour shirt part, but now his wife has to deal with his vagaries. God bless her.)

For my girls I shopped endlessly with and without them, seeking cool shirts and sweaters, fashionable footwear, and size 0 Jordache or Sassoon jeans. Firmly, however, did I point out to the younger one that if she wanted underwear from Victoria's Secret, she was going to have to pay for it herself. My own perfectly adequate underwear came from Bradlees.

I transported them -- to music lessons, orthodontists, emergency rooms, sports, church, nursery school, social gatherings, scouts, jobs, hither, thither, and yon. On a wall in my kitchen hung a little cartoon plaque reading: "If a woman's place is in the home, why am I always in my car?" (But I liked having them in a confined space for the drive.)

I kept house for them, to a point. As soon as they were tall enough to reach the controls on the washing machine, they were in charge of their own laundry. I refused to change sheets on any beds I could not reach in a straight line from the hallway. And after a friend's 2-year-old got lost in one daughter's bedroom, I started just closing their doors.

I weathered their adolescences without killing anybody. One year, due to some rather casual family planning, they were all teenagers at the same time. We could have used several more bathrooms and telephone lines. (And at times a chair and a whip.)

Now is it decades later, and they are all parents, really good parents, which I consider my greatest reward. I love them more than ever.

And I get to appreciate that popular T-shirt sentiment, "If I had known grandchildren were so much fun, I would have had them first."

If Anna Jarvis had ever had children, she would have realized that every day should be Mother's Day. And for the lucky ones, it is!