Posts tagged “life”

Haha, no, I’m not whining about getting attention this time. I’m listening to the Cranberries and the last lines she sang as I started this blog were “Does anyone ca-aa-aarre?”

I’m really liking my new banner. I can’t tell you how much time I’ve spent fiddling with different ideas and designs, trying to come up with something clever or catchy that also says something about me or my personality. Really. I can’t tell you. I have no idea. I just know it was a long time. I thought a picture of my face would be a nice touch… so I played with several ideas using pictures… but finally I decided that the title “Life” and the words “and then some” just really didn’t need to be there… so I took them out, and I think it was the best choice. Of course, then I was just left with a picture of my face and nothing else… so I wanted to put some random things in there that had something to do with me or my life. I first thought of pieces of photos, but that thought left in a hurry. Words. Had to be words. Long story short… I used words.

It’s really humid again today… well, it’s rainy… so obviously it’s gonna be humid. It’s not a cool rain, though. Most of the morning it was nice and cool, but now it’s quite warm. Y’know that feeling after you take a nice hot shower in an unventilated room, and all the steam makes it nearly impossible to dry off… not to mention the heat causing you to sweat, which just adds to the moisture… well, it kinda feels like that, except that I’m dressed, and not in an unventilated room… and I didn’t just take a shower… and I’m not you.

I actually had a shower like that when we were up at June Lake during my camping trip.

I was reading over some of my old Myspace blogs. I was practically a completely different person back then. I didn’t take everything so freakin’ seriously. I was a lot more fun-loving and playful… and not necessarily immature. I was still smart and carried with me above-average wisdom (I suppose), but I was just able to have some more fun than I do now.

Now, I’m just too picky about everything. I need to get back into the who that I was and not the who that I am, whoever that is.

I encourage you to browse through some of my old myspace blogs. There should be a link on this page somewhere on the side (for those reading this on Facebook, you’ll need to visit my wordpress blog page for the link).

Perhaps my life could be much less stressful if I could learn to relax a bit more…

In my life there are a lot of people, or rather, I should say, in my past, that, over time, I have either lost touch with or, maybe even, burned bridges with, to an extent.

Wow. That sentence has way too many commas.

Anyway, I was drivin’ down the street yesterday, and I drove past someone that looked like it could have been someone I used to chat online with but never met in person. I’ve seen her picture, though, so that’s how I thought of it. I then thought about maybe seeing if I could get back in touch with some of the old friends I used to have. Not necessarily that person I drove by, but just anyody. We’re talking about people that maybe I went to school with, or church with. People that have kinda faded.

I realized, though, that I didn’t need that, and not only did I not need it, I didn’t really want it, to be honest. I didn’t necessarily have a terrible past. Sure, I’ve suffered through a few bad things, but they were generally fairly isolated situations. The people I’m talking about aren’t necessarily people that were involved with any part of my unhappy history. Still, though, they are people of my past and that’s not really someplace that I need to be any more.

The timeline of my life is less like chapters of a book and more like islands in the sea. With chapters, you can look back on things you want to reconnect with and bring up parts of history that have been all but forgotten. Such is not so with my life. Using the analogy of islands, each island is a stage in my life, and as I move on to the next stage, I leave the island behind, never to return. I used to spend a lot of emotional and even physical energy trying to build bridges to some of the islands of my past, and more often than not it did nothing but hinder the process of moving forward. I don’t need to build those bridges. The people I left behind on those islands, if they were not with me when I moved on, then they will remain there. I have friends who travel with me, like my best friends Matt and James and Corinne. These are people who will always be with me regardless. I even have old friends from islands long past that may not have really walked with me to the next island, but I don’t consider them stuck in the past. It’s like they have boats and they are still with me… still a part of my life that I don’t feel the need to let go of. These are friends that I have that I may not really talk to much any more, but still a friend nonetheless. Generally, however, these are also people that have absolutely no affiliation or association with the events that drove me to leave that island in the first place.

I don’t know if I’m making a lot of sense, but it’s my blog so I don’t really have to make sense anyway. Just go back a few posts and read “Brainstream”. That didn’t make sense at all.

A time came in my life when I grew the psychological and emotional strength and willpower to turn away the temptation to build bridges to the past. Along with this came the strength to let go of those that I feel have, for lack of better terms, expired their association with me. I’m not sure I really want to go into trying to explain what I mean by all of this, so I’m going to bring this entry to a close.