Saturday, April 26, 2008

Easy there, Eager Beaver.

Can a great man come along that's somewhere in the middle....not too manly that he can't communicate, and not too sappy/sensitive that I'm the one with the bigger balls, who's bearing his children and playing softball in the backyard after installing a new shower.

I'm having some issues, I'm having a serious problem with the fact that the only attention I've been getting from men lately has been from entirely creepy, overly confident and aggressive individuals that I wouldn't date if the entire world depended on us to continue procreation. Or I'm having to "man up" while I wait for men who are complete wuss's. I'm having an issue with the fact that I can't just find someone fucking normal (albeit phenomenal human/adorable/wildly sexy and completely enamored with me, but all that's just a side note.)

"Hey!! I'm so, so sorry I'm late."

Um...a stranger on the street corner has just approached me and thinks that we are apparently supposed to be meeting? Oh God, this poor boy thinks I'm his blind date.

"Um, I'm sorry...I don't think, actually no- I know that you aren't meeting me... I'm meeting a friend and I don't know you...""Well, NO I was gonna call but I didn't have your number, so...."

And then, it was all clear..this strange character wearing a blazer and New Balance tennis shoes, was using a line on me. I had to give him a high five for using such a bold method of introduction. After chatting back and forth a bit, engaging in some witty repartee, I realized this odd man was actually, quite funny. Plus he called me out on being a bit spicy when he noticed I was wearing a necklace with a wrench on it that says "High Performance."

I find it to be a great conversation piece, as well as a truthful statement. Similar to my necklace that was a hammer, which opened the door for many strangers to ask if I could "get them hammered" which not only broke the ice but informed them of my affinity for liquor and tools. (Ok, I'm lying about the tools part but, wearing a flower or a butterfly around your neck is lame. Tools are awesome, even if I don't know how to use them or even if I am one.)

I digress. BACK to strange men hitting on me on street corners....

Fast forward a couple comments on why he thought we needed to date, why he found me interesting, etc. etc. And after losing only a few points for inviting me to a Keanu Reeves movie and telling me I had a face like a cherub, which only translates to; your face looks like a fat baby with wings. I gave him my email. Not a number, just a harmless email. When I responded to his first/second attempt, my signature which included my number was on it. He called, and proceeded to very aggressively try to persuade me to go out with him and then psychoanalyze "why I am the way I am", I adamantly refused to go out because I was busy and didn't know him well enough to have a pajama date. His presumptive attitude was an absolute turn off, and his anger; completely unjustified. Men for the record, I'm not on fucking call.

If it's a Sunday night and it's 9:30, assume I have plans. Even if I don't. If you think otherwise, I'm offended that you think I'm going to drop everything in order to "entertain" you for the evening, I have things to do and I like to be treated as so, as a matter of fact....what happened to making fucking plans?!

What happened to when men knew how to get your number and use the damn phone, to plan a date or see how your day was? It's cute to do a little Facebook/Myspace chatting, but don't ask me out over a text message, unless you want to be "just friends." What happened to when men took chances, ruffled their feathers a bit, tried to impress? We still have to primp and tan and put on eyeliner to get your damn attention, so when you ask me if I wanna chill without a definitive plan, over a "comment" and it's clear that there'sattraction, (we're not just road dogs) it's offensive. What about realizing that they aren't always going to get YES and that sometimes, you have to lay the groundwork first. What happened to laying the ground work at ALL?!

What happened to men who knew the VALUE of a good woman and was willing to invest? Or is that man some mythical character we've created from watching movies like Sleepless in Seattle and every damn Reese Witherspoon/Julia Roberts/Jennifer Aniston/Drew Barrymore flick (minus Fear, that one was twisted. ET is void as well.)

With all of our methods of communication you'd think that we'd be communicating BETTER, instead we're only communicating more efficiently, not with more clarity.

Because of texting, BlackBerrys, Myspace, AIM, etc...men haven't had to CHASE anything, other than shoot over a follow up email. We haven't had to go through nearly as much to show our interest in someone, so men especially have stopped trying at all. It's much easier to text it.

So no, I'm not available. I'm not available unless I know, you're 100% aware of my value and I will be 100% aware of yours. I'm not available if you aren't going to be a man. Be respectful, be interested, understanding, chivalrous, considerate.... I know that people aren't perfect, but if we're going to attempt getting to know each other, at least be willing to put in the time to do so, so that I know you think it's worth it. And maybe, you don't....so if that's the case, you are a silly, silly man. (Note: this is addressed to all men interested, not Mr. New Balance on 6th ave, sorry bro.)

49 comments:

I'll give him an "A" for an interesting pick up line and an "F" for follow through and execution. You're right men don't have to work for it as hard these days. A combination of laziness and the whole entitlement thing. But good for you knowing what you want and don't want!

I could not agree with you MORE. I hate hate hate that myspace/facebook/text messages/emails are now mens version of "wooing" a woman. Um...no. I couldn't be more turned off by that. Its even worse when they try to have a relationship over this. I want the guy to make an effort, instead of taking the lazy way out. I want him to jump through hoops for me.

Unreal ... and yes. The digital world has definitely gotten in the way of being romanced. I don't know about you but it takes the same effort to type out a quick email or to make a quick call ... and I'd rather hear a voice.

posinghippiechick- Very good point, I have NO IDEA how I started to obtain so many pieces of jewelry with tools, I'm pretty sure I found the first one at a thrift store and the second was some promotional thing that come with a T-shirt.....jewelry with tools on it, should really be more mainstream.

Section ONE should list all the things the man must have/possess to be Chelsea worthy I.E. looks, job, interests, etc.

Section TWO would contain all the things the guy must and must not do in order to get and keep your attention.

It's only fair to the poor men that want to try to date you.

This has two additional benefits for the men:

1. When caught staring at your chest, they can claim they were trying to read the rules - and be right2. Send all men on their way, knowing they wouldn't have a shot with you anyways, and go try on someone else.

SOMEWHERE on the innertubes there is a necklace that looks like handcuffs. It's a lariat, so one cuff is on the string threaded through the other one. I saw it once and can't find it now. But I bet that would get you some interesting ones as well...

Girl, I feel you SO HARD on this one. But then, on the rare occasion that a man does pony up and do the chivalry thing, he usually ends up being dweeb-alicious and over-nice. So I guess they can't win?

And don't get me wrong, I love nerdy boys and nice guys. When I say "over-nice" I mean "doormat". Not sexy.

Oh how much I know what you're talking about. Remember, you're in New York. I feel like dudes in New York are a whole different non-committal breed.

The texting thing is crazy - I was out of the loop when it came about, as I got out of a five year relationship and suddenly found that guys communicate by texting now, not calling. WHAT? I was a confused cat. But luckily, the one that stuck was somebody equally weirded out by text-wooing. Perhaps cause he's over 30...ha :)

I actually once had I guy (who had a gf btw) flat out use the, "you wanna fuck?" line... I politely said, "no, but you'll thank me in the morning." He was shocked. 10 minutes later he started puking and while he was laying on the floor with a bucket cuddled in his arms I sat down next to him and asked him if he was going to be alright. He grunted "yeah" at which point I said, "see, aren't you glad we didn't 'do it'"... to which he grunted another "yeah". Hahahahaha. Thats what you get for being an asshole. What is it with people?

While I am definitely of the opinion that guys don't try nearly hard enough these days, I'm also of the opinion that girls should stop playing games. Which means if he calls you and wants to hang out, and YOU want to hang out (not saying this was the case), you should just do it. Even if it's 10:00 PM on a Saturday and you SHOULD have better plans. Because if a really great guy should come along, why sit at home alone pretending to be cool and busy when you could be on a fun date?

If a guy asked me over over Facebook, MySpace, or a text message, I probably wouldn't respond. I mean for real -- like you said -- we still have to go through the rituals of dating (shaving/waxing/makeup/dress & heels) so why shouldn't they at least have to try harder than using modern technologies to save face in the risk of rejection? Men who can't plan or act like a gentleman disgust me!

I officially heart you for this post. Guys have come to the conculusion that we are all just out to have fun so why not text and ask us out. Um, not so much. As "old school" as it is I think a little conversation is in order. You know, the kind where I don't have to hit "send" after every line.

I could be wrong, but I suspect that if the right guy asked Chelsea out at 10pm on a Sunday night, she'd say yes. It was pretty clear at this point, that this dude was Sketchmaster Z and just looking for some booty. And it's totally offensive that he assumed that Chelsea was desperate enough to give it to him on such short notice! :)

Arielle- I agree with you there. and in response to you-ill fitting overcoat, you are exactly right.

I don't believe in playing games either, and I'm usually VERY clear when I'm interested in a man, when I'm excited about someone they could call at any time of the day, but I do think that I don't want to be the last thing on their list of priorities or an after thought, if hes ONLY calling me the day of, at 10pm....it makes me think he's not that interested in me....does that make sense?

Mike- you are always forward thinking aren't you, t-shirts are a great idea.

I am right there with you. The majority of the time, the guy will just not try or he just wants a piece of derrière for the night. And what's worse, is that sometimes when a girl says "NO" they just don't get it!

The whole technology era has probably let them get away with more. Instead of being "man enough" to come up and ask you out on a date AND follow through, they now do it through their little gadgets.

Just an FYI . . . real men are out there . . . keep looking! It can be just as hard to find a real woman! You are just scratching the surface of the problem & its not just men when it comes to a lack of Romance unfortunately. Women can be just as guilty of the "it’s easier to hide behind a text or e-mail" as men. You hit the nail on the head with your comment about communicating efficiently. Text messages are efficient but sterile. Even a phone call is a secondary option for communication in my book. With a phone call you only get audio, and with a text you get nada . . . no emotion, only a message. They are easier because you take less of a risk by putting less of yourself into them & out to be judged.

Great romance is not an easy feeling to accomplish. It takes multiple levels of positive stimulation to have your senses so enthralled that in those amazing moments the world melts away and nothing else other than the two of you matters. Face to face, in your skin with all your flaws out to be judged . . . the risk of rejection is dwarfed by the reward of romance. Keep looking . . . we are out there!

I read something once that said the enormous numbers of communication available now have actualy condensed and de-emphasized communication; phone calls are less important, grammar is unnecessary, and because your speech doesn't have spell check, many things come out, well, wrong.

I'm not 100% sure, but I think Midwestern guys are the answer. I've been on a lot of bad dates over the last few years, but the couple of Midwesterners I've gone out with (one of whom I've been dating since October) have not only been sweet and attentive, but also know how to use power tools.

Awesome attitude and great post. I'm a firm believer of we teach people how to treat us. We teach them by what we allow and don't allow. Calling at 9 on Sunday night is NOT allowed! Make plans, call ahead, give some respect!

i agree with one of the posters men have feelings too. most men, once they are hurt, don't bother trying for a long time. then there are the aggressive types.i say if someone calls, be honest about what your plans or intentions are, you know, doing laundry, not interested, or maybe a diff. day.i think girls should stop playing games and being high performance.although i also have to say, it is really nice to be wanted and if i were a guy, i'd really make someone feel that you are genuinely interested.hmmm. we shoulda been guys yo.

might i add my comments are not directed to anyone in specific, including "cherub" faced people, which i thought was kind of a cute comment although can well understand it is odd to comment on someone's face right away. :) whew.so when i said girls should stop playing games, i meant the girls that do play games, although it is much more interesting and amusing to do that.

I know where you are coming from. I had a few of those guys, the ones who expect you to run when they snap their fingers. Good for you for not dealing with that. Hold out and the right guy will come. This is super cheesy, but my husband was that guy, the romantic comedy movie guy. I didn't know that they actually existed before I met him. Good luck out there!