My mother hosts a big bday party every year for all the children (aka me and her her husband's kids and the grand kids). She makes a fab spread and we all offer to bring something. I brought homemade chicken caesar salad. Mother asked my sister in law to bring mac and cheese since we had a ton of little ones. She showed up with her family at the appointed luncheon time with a green salad and a box of mac and cheese. My mother assumed the mac and cheese would be prepared, either old fashioned homemade or the box kind. She just handed the box to us in the kitchen. Lunch was ready and no time to make the box mac and cheese.

Question: If you are asked to provide mac and cheese. Is the box the answer?

no, your SIL was wrong. when asked to bring something then you bring a ready-to-serve dish. preferably in a serving dish, and if possible at the correct serving temperature.

reminds of the time my step mother *insisted* on bring chicken for a family dinner because "she wants to help me", i finally gave in (i learned after that), so my father showed up at my house 2 hours before the dinner, with RAW chicken all spiced and in a cooking bag with instructions to roast for 2 hours at whatever temperature. i was so upset - she said that she wants to help me - but that wasn't "help" it just made things more difficult for me (besides she didn't even think to ask if the oven was free, but that was a whole other story).

I don't think your SIL was right, but I would call her more clueless than blatantly rude. She may have thought the mac and cheese would be best if it was served almost as soon as it was made, rather than waiting. Sure it can just be reheated, but she may have just figured it could be prepared while everyone was settling in and the other dishes were being set up and what not, since it only takes 10 minutes to make. Of course, if that was the case she should have brought along the milk and butter too, but oh well.

I don't think your SIL was right, but I would call her more clueless than blatantly rude. She may have thought the mac and cheese would be best if it was served almost as soon as it was made, rather than waiting. Sure it can just be reheated, but she may have just figured it could be prepared while everyone was settling in and the other dishes were being set up and what not, since it only takes 10 minutes to make. Of course, if that was the case she should have brought along the milk and butter too, but oh well.

I just think she was more confused than rude.

yes but she should have asked first if that was ok (it may be an "instant" kind of dish but it still needs to be mixed etc and not every host wants that kind of last minute prepartion at their house). also, according to the OP - the SIL "showed up with her family at the appointed luncheon time" so even if your theory was correct, she should have come a bit earlier.

She either thought it was a pretty funny trick to play on your mother or it was some kind of obvioius P/A move. It sounds to me like she wanted to bring a green salad, so that's what she brought. The mac & cheese box was just to make a point. Hey, you wanted mac & cheese, here it is. I wanted to bring salad so that's what I really brought.

How far of a drive was it from sil's to your mom's? Making mac and cheese from the box doesn't take that long. I would prefer it hot, rather than have to reheat it via the microwave.

I only make it from the box. I am a terrible cook. I made my mac and cheese from scratch once (using my mother-in-law's recipe that my husband raved about). It was terrible. He tried to eat it, but never asked for it again. I even ruined boxed scalloped potatoes last week.

It sounds to me like a major mis-communication. She did bring a dish, the green salad, and boxed mac 'n cheese. Unless there's a history of PAness on SIL's part, I wouldn't attribute negative intentions to her.

Unless there's some history of SIL being PA, I'd chalk this up to a misunderstanding. If there were little kids there, it's possible she thought that was why she was asked to bring mac and cheese. 1 box for a party that size is not enough, so she might have thought it was an afterthought. And honestly, some people do not know how to make home made mac and cheese. (My SIL included.) Next time, instructions need to be clearer. "We need you to bring A TRAY of mac and cheese with enough to serve about X number of people. Do you need a recipe because I have one for the mac and cheese we've had in the past and it's a big hit."

I don't know what to think. If she's being PA or something like that, wouldn't her family say something to her before showing up and making them all look PA? Maybe she didn't know she was being assigned, and thought Mom was just asking for a box so Mom can cook it for the little ones at the last minute so it's hot, or if they got fussy about the "regular" food.

I agree that without some other detail that would skew my perception, this was not rude but rather a misunderstanding. I think it's dangerous to assume everyone else places the same value on "things" that you do (general you, of course). For me, sure, I enjoy the elaborate seven course meals my sister and her husband prepare for holidays or celebrations. You know what I enjoy just as much? Delivery pizza. If I were asked to bring mac and cheese, I would either buy it premade from a deli or bring the box or ask if there is some other way I can contribute...because I don't cook and if you ask me to, you will get what I make, which would be box mac and cheese. I can see the SIL's point of view here - your mother is a great host who puts out a fabulous spread. She apparently enjoys doing this. What on earth would she ask your SIL to bring mac and cheese for??

My sister does this all the time. She'll be asked to bring green bean casserole, and show up with two cans of green beans and a can of cream soup. It's laziness on her part, but since it always happens we just roll our eyes and deal with it.

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My sister does this all the time. She'll be asked to bring green bean casserole, and show up with two cans of green beans and a can of cream soup. It's laziness on her part, but since it always happens we just roll our eyes and deal with it.

It could be laziness, or it could be she just doesn't place value on green bean casserole. Try asking her what she would like to contribute next time. I know for me, I am neither cheap nor trying to get out of contributing. But ask me to bring an h'ors d'oerve or main dish or dessert or _____ and you will get something ordered from a restaurant. What I prefer to bring? Good wine, or a fancy cake from a bakery, or something else store-bought. I am not about to go outside my comfort zone to cook something and then have people critique it. Not all people, and not all women, and not all mothers.....cook. I don't. I am not likely to ever.