Electric Eels In The East End

Hanging on to their promise to be the "greenest games ever" the Olympic Masterplanners are organising a wildlife search and rescue operation to save the aquatic inhabitants of stagnant Pudding Mill River, Stratford, from the impending bulldozers. Fish will be coaxed out of this grotty stretch of water and transplanted to the cleaner and livelier climes of the River Lea.

Well, when we say "coaxed" what we mean is "stunned". Electric eels, anyone?

Yes, using the latest advances in aquatic technology, the fish will be "gently electrified" to knock them unconscious. As their lifeless bodies drift to the surface, in scenes reminiscent of the first great biblical plague, the resident eels, pike, tench and bream will be scooped up in nets and shipped off to their new home where, hopefully, they will wake up none the wiser but with fresher feeling gills and only slightly frazzled fins.

Newts will be caught in bottle traps and evacuated to the pleasant environs of the Waterworks Nature Reserve in Leyton. Alternative habitats are also being sought for the bats, rare birds, bees and moths that will otherwise be displaced (exterminated).

Not so sure how "latest" this advance in aquatic technology is. I was using electrofishing to remove grayling from a trout stream in 1971. The amount of charge picked up is proportional to the size of the fish, so that only the really big ones didn't recover from stunning. A very handy extra bit of food for the impoverished student I was then.