Friday, June 30, 2006

So James knows this woman from high school. He had mentioned that she had a blog and gave Beth and I the address for it. He said we might find it to be interesting. He was right. Interesting is exactly the word for her blog. We have been reading it for about a month or so and it is heartbreaking to see what this woman gets herself involved in (for reasons that you will understand if you go to her blog, I am not going to link directly to her). If you would like to get an idea of what I'm talking about, type in the following (without spaces, of course) into your address bar. hope space god space 3 space DOT blogspot DOT COM (Just so you know, her blog address is that way because, in one of her first posts, she revealed that she is God). And be prepared to be frightened and confused and a little sad. Please, for the love of God, do not read the fantasy that she posted yesterday.

I am doing sooo good today. I am finally safe and sound. If you want to leave a message with my answering service, the number is 765-555-1212.

I feel like just being myself UNENCUMBERED for the first time in my life. I just want to tell you how much your friendship has always meant to me. I also want to just tell you about the thoughts of my heart.

Our relationship was very safe and platonic. You were like a beautiful older brother to me. I also had times where I wanted you sexually, but I didn't want to complicate things, and my self esteem was so low that I didn't feel like you could ever want me in that way. I hid my pain and self hatred well, with a business-like, and focused manner AND A HUGE SMILE, but it was always beneath the surface, LOOMING and leaving me neutered.

I rarely spoke my mind about my true feelings around my sexual feelings for friends I was close to. I just wanted you to know because YOU ARE SOOO SPECIAL TO ME. I want the world to know how BEAUTIFUL AND STRONG AND SEXY YOU ARE, so I will put this on my blog.

If you want to come and visit, I WILL HEAL YOU, BABY. I know that you are STRESSED and PRETTY SOUL WEARY!!! You hide it well, too!!!

I love you ALWAYS and FOREVER. I will never shut you out, sometimes I just need a break. I was really scared of people, letters, calls, and ALL COMMUNICATIONS THROUGH THE MAIL. Creditors and doctors' offices love to STALK ME. I wanted to just hide in a whole forever.

I will not have my mail forwarded because SOME PEOPLE CAN'T TAKE NO or I CAN'T DO THIS RIGHT NOW, for an answer. My former credit union is one of these types of parties.

I will take care of my credit fiasco as soon as I am able. EVIL HAS CHOKED EVERYTHING OUT OF MY LIFE. I am VERY RESPONSIBLE, but I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN IN DANGER and IN PERIL. When things calm down, I WILL CLEAN UP THE MESS THAT MY PREDATORS LEFT ON MY RECORD.

I am just sooo tired, James, of being the punching bag. You know that well. You have been the RESPONSIBLE ONE for the Whale Timers all along. You help to CLEAN UP THEIR MESSES, and you take their constant punches and "JOKES" all the time.

Okay, guys, so JAMES HAS THE BIGGEST COCK, GET OVER IT ALREADY!!!

I love you sooo much baby. You are a STRONG ANGEL. I have had a hard time placing you. I think you are a PROTECTION ANGEL (House of Michael), but you are a HYBRID ANGEL because you are also a SAFETY, COMFORT, COUNSELING, NURTURANCE, and DEATH ANGEL (House of AZREAL).

Thank you for being my WARRIOR. You were the only one who really had the balls to talk to me outside at the TIKI BAR, the last time Greg was in town. I felt like a total OUTCAST, but that is not new.

Thanks, I LOVE YOU, BABY!!! Peace out.

Love, HOPE

I'm not sure I can compete with this. I mean, she's God. I'm just the Queen of the Universe. And she is, as she continually writes, sooo pretty and sooo smart. I'd say I'm cute and mildly intelligant. Oh, yeah, the healing thing? Apparently she heals men by having sex with them. I can't do this either. I feel so...so inadequate somehow (I'm kidding, Beth! I really don't! Please don't hurt me).

I did tell him last night that, although I want him to be happy, if he runs off to be with her, I will kill him. I believe in issuing a fair warning.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Sometimes I think that I must be so pathetic, so obvious in my attraction for you that everyone can see it. That there is a neon sign over my head that flashes in time with the beat of my heart. There is a song called “Listen to your heart.” I have. All it says is your name over and over again (okay, so that’s a slight exaggeration. I’m sure it mentions other things. Like “Ooh, he looks so cute tonight!” And “My God, woman, are you trying to kill me? Stop taking the stairs!” Although maybe that last one might be my lungs).

I count down the minutes to when I will see you again on Sundays and Thursdays. If it is 12:35 AM, I know that it is less than a half hour until you will be there. But it is the longest 25 minutes of my life. Time stretches out and expands. 25 minutes feels like 25 years. The door opens and I jump to attention. Will it be you? It’s not.

The door opens. It is you. Does my face light up? I can feel the heat rise from my skin.

Where every one else is concerned, conversation comes easy. With you, I can barely say my own name, let alone have an intelligent conversation.

I try so hard not to stare at you, not to give myself away. My gaze lands on your face and moves away quickly. It reminds me of a butterfly, flitting from flower to flower. But instead of daffodils and daisies, my eyes land on your eyebrow, your cheek, your ear. Sometimes I can’t help myself and find that I stare just a little too long. You look up. Can you tell how I feel just by looking at me?

I am creating a quilt of memories in my mind (okay, not really, but it was the only way to describe this). At any moment, I can place my mind on a patch and remember. This is where I finally realized that I thought of you as more than a friend. This is the night where I got drunk and told you how I felt about you (And compared you to Batman. Alcohol is not my friend) and kissed you. My lips were numb for an entire day (although the alcohol might have had something to do with that). This patch is the night that you hugged me (actually, there are several patches for that) and I held on as long as I could without being too obvious and enjoyed the scent of your skin and the Rolling Rock (why is it that you are the only man who makes beer smell sexy? Why?). This is where you gave me the birthday card and bought me drinks (and I tried to keep myself from pouring out everything that was on my mind).

I think of songs that remind me of you constantly. “Passionate Kisses.” “What Would Happen.” “I Hate Myself For Loving You.” They will loop in my mind, a soundtrack to my very own romantic comedy – emphasis on the comedic portion. Not so much on the romance.

I hate the thought of you ever being sad or unhappy. Even if you were to start dating someone, while I would be devastated if it is not me, I would still be happy for you. I wait patiently for us to have the talk, the one that starts “I’m flattered but…” I fill in the blanks in my mind – “I’m not interested.” “I’m seeing someone else.” “We should just be friends.” I would be able to handle any of this as long as we would still be friends. You are that important to me. Jackass.

I find myself writing letters to you in my head. And decide, hey, what better to do than to humiliate myself one step further and publish it on my blog? Because there is no way in hell that I am ever giving this to you. I’m just going to continue to let things take their extremely slow time and figure that maybe, just maybe, you’ll realize that I am the perfect woman for you by the time I’m 50. What’s another eleven years?

Monday, June 26, 2006

Work has been, as I've said before, extremely busy. Busy to the point that I am about ready to scream. But there have been some fun things that have happened.

A few days ago, this little old man with his cute comb over (never thought I would say that but it was kind of adorable) came in with a request for a letter. He needed to know what his stock was worth on the day that he transferred it. No problem. It takes about five minutes to figure out what his stock was worth and to type the letter.

When I finished, he expressed his gratitude and asked if he could tip me. He pulled out his wallet and put a five dollar bill on the counter. I told him I couldn't accept the tip but I appreciated the thought. He then asked me if he could shake my hand.

Maybe I am naive but I really thought this only happened in the movies. I shake his hand, I feel some sort of paper in the palm of my hand and he heads out the door. I say "Mr. Jones (fake name)!" And he smiles at me.

I went to my new manager Cheryl (well, she'll be my manager on July 3, Matt is still my manager and has promised to make time to talk about music and comic books with me when I need the break from the phone after the change) and told her I had an ethical dilemma. She laughed. Apparently I didn't sound that ethically challenged.

I explained the situation to her and she said she would talk to the department manager about what to do. I later got the email back from her about how we can accept non-monetary gifts of less than $100. Unfortunately, Mr. Jones gave me a five dollar bill and I couldn't accept that.

I wrote him a very nice letter, returning the money to him and informed him that, because of this, I will receive recognition for good customer service. And that is worth a $25 gift cheque. So I returned his five dollars and will be receiving a $20 profit. It's kind of amusing.

The other thing about work is that I try to not be judgemental when dealing with spelling and grammar errors. Everyone makes mistakes. But, when you're sending out an email to adress an entire group about proper procedures, it might be a good idea if you proof read.

We received an email the other day:

"Recently we have added more Alerts to accounts on our processing system. I can not stress enough the impertinence of reading all the alerts that pop up when you pull up an account in our processing system. Please do not just close out the alerts without reading them. The alerts are out there for a reason. Again, please look over the alerts.

Thank you and if you have any questions please let me know."

Seems fine, doesn't it? Except for the fact that the word is importance, not impertinence. Impertinence refers to insolence and irrevelence. And yes, I am evil and had a good laugh over it.

Even funnier, one of my co-workers sent an email to let her know about the error. She responded with something along the lines of that she was horrible with spelling and grammar but don't worry because she doesn't get offended when someone corrects her mistake.

Except that she used the word offered instead of offended.

I love my job. I get to blog in between calls (like that's happened any time soon. 33 calls holding) and I also get blogging material from it.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

So I returned to Weight Watchers on Saturday, after a month hiatus (caused by sheer laziness on my part). Anyway, even though I was away, I was still (somewhat) paying attention to what I ate and still taking the stairs at work and it paid off - I lost another 3.2 pounds. 15.6 down. 193 to go before I hit my goal (well, my goal, not the recommended weight for my height because, hello, I'm sorry, but you've got to be kidding me. There is no way I am ever going to weigh 118 pounds. I would be thrilled with 180).

Why is it that I can hear some really annoying man in my head saying "You can do it" in an Arnold Schwarzenegger voice? Where did I pick that up from?

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

So last Sunday, Beth and I went to karaoke. There was yet another annoying person who just had to sit with us (why? Why? We are good people! We don't deserve this!).

When he first came over, he sat at the end of the table and mainly talked to Craig and Angie. No big deal. He seemed nice enough. Until, of course, the evening progressed. Angie, Craig, Amy and Dan all left.

Robert (Not Bob, he made that perfectly clear): Does anyone need a ride home?

Beth and I stare at him blankly.

B: What?DM: Huh?R: I've been drinking.

Okay, that makes even less sense. You've been drinking so why would we let you give us a ride home?

B: I drove myself.

A little later he asks if he can sit by Beth instead of at the end of the table.

He attempts to make conversation but he is not very good at it. The man is somewhat boring.

A woman comes over to our table and asks Beth and I if we know a song.

Woman: Do you know the song "Passionate Kisses?"Beth and I: Yes. Sort of.R: No but I'm all for them.Woman (ignores him, says to Beth): Would you be willing to sing it?B: I don't think I know it well enough.DM: I'm not even sure it's in the book.

Apparently it is in the book because she sang it with her friend and Beth and I enjoyed singing along with it. I love that song. This also explains why it has been stuck in my head for close to six days now. I have caught myself singing it in the shower, in between phone calls and humming it to myself as I walk along. I have come very close to singing it to shareholders and that would just be bad (but very amusing to John when I keep telling him the song is still stuck).Anyway, later on, Liz came in. Robert wandered off and Beth was telling her that Robert was making her somewhat nervous. Beth suggested that I sing "Addicted to Love."

Liz: I wonder why she's suggesting that. Hmm.

When I got back from singing, Liz told me that we were going to visit the bathroom one at a time so none of would be left at the table alone with Robert. I find out later that Robert asked Beth a question while I was singing.

R: Would you dance sexy to this song for me?B (flat out, no qualms about hurting his feelings at all): NO.

Later on, I was scanning the song book, looking for something new to sing. I have always wanted to try Joan Jett and the Blackhearts' song, "I Hate Myself For Loving You." I like Joan Jett and find her music a challenge but fun to try. So I thought I would give it a shot. I'm not going to list the entire song lyrics but the chorus goes as so:

I hate myself for loving youCan't break free from the the things that you doI wanna walk but I run back to you that's whyI hate myself for loving you

Anyway, apparently while I was singing this, Robert (and I am imagining that he had a smug look on his face, not sure why, but I just do) says to Beth:

R: She hates me.B: Uh, no, she doesn't.

When Beth was singing, Robert tried to get me to talk to him.

R: So what do you do?DM: I work for NABABNA Stock Transfer. Mainly I talk to old people about stock all day.R: That sounds like a real turn on.DM: It's not.

Then I just turned back and watched Beth sing. He made other attempts to start conversations but we just ignored him, choosing to talk to Liz and James instead. Eventually Robert got the idea that we were extremely not interested and moved on to another table with these two semi-regulars.

And then he proved to me that he was not only not interesting at all but he was a complete jerk. Apparently he had called a cab. The cab driver walked in the Chalet and Bobby pointed him out to Robert.

The cab driver walks out the door. There's a brief discussion between Robert and the girls that he is sitting with about how they could give him a ride home. Robert decides to take the cab.

Here are the things that I am surprised about:

I am surprised the cab driver waited for Robert. I would have left him there.I am surprised that the girls Robert was sitting with offered him a ride. They are Asian. Robert has already indicated that he's a jerk, even though he made his comment in what I'm sure he figured was a joking manner, it still wasn't appropriate. If he's a bigot about one race, I'm sure he'll be one about another.

Hopefully we'll never see Robert again, especially after this last Sunday, as I was telling Beth that I was writing a post about him, she told me this:

B: Oh! I forgot to tell you!DM: What?B: He asked me if you were a lesbian.DM: What? Why?B: Apparently the song you were singing had the word girl in it.DM: So?B: I know! He asked me and I just looked at him and said 'No.' And he said 'That's a valid question.'DM: Because the song had the word girl in it.B: Yeah. I was thinking 'Dude, it's karaoke. Who cares?'

While nobody has topped the Shrunken Head Man, I swear that these people keep getting stranger or more annoying. And yet, karaoke is still the highlight of my week.

Hope you all had a great weekend. I'll be around to your blogs shortly. And yes, today is a bit better, the air conditioning is working in half of the building. We're still busy though.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Hello all. It is Monday. What do we know about Mondays? Many things. Mainly that they suck. Would you like to know why? Of course you would.

*It is 12:07 PM. The outdoor temperature is a lovely 67 degrees. Indoors it is 85 degrees. And rising. We got the email on Friday about how we could wear shorts all week because the air conditioning is still (STILL!) being worked on. Let me wear a tank top as well and I'd be a bit happier. But that would not be allowed.

*We have 23 calls holding. It could be worse (and was), earlier today it was 35 calls holding. WTF? What could possibly be so important that you have to call? Almost all of my requests have been for address changes so they're fairly simple calls but then you get the doozies. Like the call that took over 7 minutes while I tried to explain how to sell shares to some old guy. Or the woman who exploded and demanded a supervisor when I wouldn't tell her anything about the account because she wasn't the stock holder. Apparently the stock holder is deaf. Last I checked, however, deaf doesn't mean stupid so I suggested that she send in a letter asking her question and the woman thought this was the most horrendous idea ever. How DARE I ask this? When I told her the supervisor was on a call, she said she would hold or wanted to speak to my supervisor's supervisor and she wanted to speak to a man because women are stupid. Oh, yeah, that's really going to make me receptive to your needs, lady.

I finally did get her over to a supervisor, let's call her Mary, who came to see me later and told me about the call.

Mary: Apparently women are stupid and don't know anything and men are the only ones that can be trusted.DM: Is she aware of the fact that she's a woman?M: I don't know. Maybe not because women are stupid, after all. I hung up on her when she calling me an 'f*cking c*nt.'DM: Oh, good for you!M: Yeah, that was the last straw. She kept screaming she wanted to talk to a man and I told her she didn't have that option, if she wanted to talk to my supervisor. I told her my supervisor is a woman and also on a call so she had the choice to either give me her phone number or talk to me. Then she called me the name and I just went 'bloop (made gesture to indicate hitting the release button on the phone).'

*I assisted a total of 3 walk in shareholders in 20 minutes because we got a lunch rush. Said lunch rush always seems to coordinate when I am on lunch (imagine that). So this means I'm going to start taking my lunch around 11 AM. This is not going to be particularly fun because this will make the afternoon drag.

*I got my computer back on Friday. Jamie saved all of my music and pictures to another computer. I re-formatted the computer on Friday night. Restarted computer. Eagerly put a CD into CD slot, waiting for it to load to my computer and solve all of my computer problems. Computer makes faint whirring noise, acknowledging that there is a CD in the slot but will not load. I have no idea what to do about this. Other than throwing said computer out the window which would probably be bad since I live on the 26th floor and might kill someone. I don't want people to die because of my stupid computer.

*I'm working on posts about karaoke but haven't had a lot of time to write anything. Read a few blogs today and hoping to hit some more during lunch tomorrow. Hopefully it will slow down soon. Hopefully.

*Liz used the "L" word on Thursday to describe my feelings for James. As in the "Well, you are in love with James." And, as my mouth dropped open, I said "No, I am in like with him." And she and Beth gave me the look that says "Yeah, hello, Cleopatra, how do you like being the Queen of Denial?" And Beth may have used the word "bullsh*t" to describe my phrase of just being in like with him. Apparently I am not as subtle as I would like to imagine. This is not a bad thing, of course, but I am a female and therefore I must obsess over this.

*I still have Passionate Kisses stuck in my head. I have the entire song memorized and find myself singing it everywhere.

*My break is over and I must go now. Talk to you all later.

My day really isn't that horrible but if I can't vant to you, what am I going to do? Ciao!

Thursday, June 15, 2006

I wonder if it means anything that I've had this song stuck in my head since Sunday night. I guess I'll have to try it at karaoke tonight. If I ever, ever, ever get my computer back and in working condition, I'm going to have to buy this song.

Passionate Kisses - Mary Chapin Carpenter

Is it too much to askI want a comfortable bed that won't hurt my backFood to fill me upAnd warm clothes and all that stuffShouldn't I have thisShouldn't I have thisShouldn't I have all of this, and

Is it too much to demandI want a full house and a rock and roll bandPens that won't run out of inkAnd cool quiet and time to thinkShouldn't I have thisShouldn't I have thisShouldn't I have all of this, and

Do I want too muchAm I going overboard to want that touchI shout it out to the night"Give me what I deserve, 'cause it's my right"Shouldn't I have this (shouldn't I)Shouldn't I have this (shouldn't I)Shouldn't I have all of this, and

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Well, I'm a little late because this was supposed to be for the 5th and published on the 6th but let's face it, I'm not known for my memory so I forgot. Again, Sheryl at Paper Napkin started this and it is fun and I always like to do what the cool kids are doing. I'm trendy like that (yes, I am kidding. I'm not trendy at all).

6:04 AM Keem tells me to get up. Listen to her talk to Eddy who is sleeping on the cat tower. He races down the hall after her, meowing all the way. You can almost hear him thinking "Yay! She's awake! It's time for me to be adored!"

6:05 AM Go to the bathroom. Decide to finish reading the book I stayed up way too late reading last night. I only have about 30-40 pages left. The book is Close To You by Mary Jane Clark. She's not a bad author but seems to belong to the Dan Brown school of writing - the chapters are about two pages long. She also reminds me of Mary Higgins Clark a little bit.

6:30 AM Finish shower. Ah, refreshing lukewarm water (I actually prefer lukewarm to cold showers. I think it might stem from being the last person to get ready when I was growing up and the water heater had usually run out of hot water by the time it was my turn).

6:31 AM What to wear? What to wear? I really, really, really need to do laundry but have been putting it off. Fortunately I shaved my legs yesterday so I can wear a skirt.

6:35 AM I hate my clothes. I have nothing fun and exciting. Where are the shirts that scream "I am a temptress!" Oh, wait, that's the shirt Beth's supposed to wear. Finally put on sleeveless sweater top. It's lightweight so I won't be too hot. Granted my arms are the size of small hams but what are you going to do? I really need to start exercising.

6:38 AM Go tell Keem what time it is. She decrees we have 16 more minutes before we have to leave. She gets ready first in the morning because she can then take a nap or spend time petting Eddy while I am getting ready.

6:39 AM Go to set alarm for 15 minute nap. Accidently turn power off to clock (not sure how I managed to do this) and have to wait for radio morning crew to tell me the time. It's actually 6:35. Whoops. I'm 4 minutes ahead of myself.

6:50 AM Alarm goes off. Dang it. Go wake Keem again. Pack lunch. Ground Cajun turkey and corn and noodles. Grab two bottles of the best dang tea ever (Diet Lipton Green Tea with Citrus - it's great tasting AND good for you, according to their website). Breakfast will be bagels and cream cheese. Pack up cross stitch that I didn't put into the handy little cross stitch folder I have last night.

7:00 AM Time to leave. We say goodbye to Eddy. He looks forlorn. This is not his favorite time of the day. His humans have all left him.

7:05 AM Keem has decreed that the car is officially warm enough to drive (The engine has to reach a certain temperature before she'll pull out of the lot. She is very cautious). We are on our way to work. Oh, the excitement.

7:15 AM Arrive at work. Sit in the car for a few minutes, listening to the radio. I love David Bowie.

7:25 AM Have logged into computer. It is time to toast my bagel. It is sticky. Bagels aren't supposed to be sticky.

7:26 AM Realized that the bagel is actually French Toast flavored and not the Cinnamon Raisin I thought I was buying. I am not sure how I feel about this. While I enjoy the concept of French Toast (Maple syrup is our friend and also explains the stickiness), I don't actually like French Toast.

7:28 AM Bagel is pretty good. Cream cheese, however, is less than exciting. I am getting annoyed with the whole swirled cream cheese fad that Philadelphia Cream Cheese is running with. And why don't they make an olive flavored cream cheese? I like olives.

7:30 AM Must start work. Joy.

10:30 AM John is finally here. It's not usually a big deal that he starts at 10:30 but Joe is out today and Patti isn't here. I've had to work with two transfers (and reject both, I am feeling like a jinx), let in window repairmen three times and deal with a ton of phone calls. Why are we busy? We are not supposed to be busy in June.

12:06 PM On lunch. Finally. What a busy, busy day. There are three people wanting help at the counter. Great. Cindy is helping out but I feel weird with people watching me eat. Fortunately Linda is available. Well, sort of. She was on lunch as well but hadn't started eating yet.

12:18 PM Stupid Blogger is thwarting me again. Argh! I hate that. Can’t post what I’ve written so far. Beth, however, has a new post up and it is fantastic! I love it when she posts pictures. Check out the slideshows. It really amazes me how talented she is with a camera…she should so be writing travel books.

1:22 PM Had another minor rush at the counter. I got to reject my third transfer for the day. I am feeling very bad about this. Here’s a question – what part of “The Medallion Stamp must not be dated” do people not understand? It’s not my fault, it’s the fault of the banker that stamped the form but I still hate having to explain this to people.

1:47 PM Trying to read blogs, can’t leave comments. Curse you, Blogger! Curse you! Should I be worried about my fortune (My Way has something like a fortune cookie on their site) – “Misery loves company. Wanna hang out?” I’m not miserable. Am I supposed to be miserable? And here’s my horoscope:

PiscesThe water energy has intensified again and you Fish are among those who can intuitively feel elemental shifts. But now it's not just about the simple feelings. You may want to exert self-control so you are not at the whim of your emotions. All will be well if you can stay in touch with your basic needs.

What the heck does that mean? Sheesh.

2:05 PM People. You are calling a call center. You are on the phone. That means I can hear you when you are eating. Now I wouldn’t usually care but this person was very loud.

2:42 PM Just got an email saying that the air conditioner won’t be fixed until Monday or Tuesday. What joy. I am slowly dying here. Can’t imagine what tomorrow will be like.

3:47 PM Just 13 more minutes to go. I wish there was a way I could justify not taking any more phone calls for the day. Even though I can usually justify everything, my work ethic doesn’t allow me to cheat. Dang it.

4:04 PM Yay! I finally get to go home! Logging off computer as we speak!

4:10 PM In the car, on the way home. We decide to stop at Taco Bell for dinner and pick up something to go.

4:30 PM Arrive home, bearing fragrant bags of yummy Taco Bell. Eddy is at the door to greet us. He runs into the hallway.

DM: Cat. Get back into the apartment.Eddy: Mrrrrrrroooooooowwww (translation: I am a lonely, lonely cat. You left me all day. I have no choice but to run into the hallway and hope that someone arrests you for cat abuse).DM: Do you want a treat?Eddy: Mrrooww (translation: Well, I think it is the least that you could do. Abandoner!).DM: You have to come inside for your treat. We don't serve treats in the hallway.Eddy: Mrrowww (and long stretch before he slllllooooowwwwlllyyy walks into the apartment (translation: Fine. I'll let it slide this time but I'll be watching you))

4:35 PM Go to bathroom. Take clothes off. Revel in the freedom of the girls (I hate bras. They are evil and wrong) and the rest of my body. Remember fondly when I lived alone and didn't have to worry about roommates viewing my nakedness. Wonder why Jeff runs around in just his underwear (I have taken to referring to him as Package Boy) when Keem and I are always clothed in the communal areas of the apartment. Put on large pink nightgown and go to eat.

5:00 PM Cat is fed. Humans are fed. It is time for me to take my nap. I have karaoke tonight and am old so must take a nap if I'm going to stay out until 3 AM.

5:30 PM Still not asleep. Stupid afternoon crew. Stop talking! Play music! God, I miss my computer (I can't surf the Internet or load anything or burn CDs but I could still play iTunes. But I took my computer to work for one of the IT team to take a look at and I am hoping he'll be able to pull my music and pictures off so I can reformat).

10:30 PM Alarm goes off. Put on clothes. Curse evil bra.

10:35 PM Call Liz. Tell her I'm going to go call a cab and will meet her at the Chalet. She is eating so will be there in 15-20 minutes.

10:40 PM Call Beth. She is trying to get out of work early. I tell her I will meet her at the Chalet.10:42 PM Gather purse. Look at purse book (The Thief of Always by Clive Barker - creepy but good. Liz lent it to me) I have about 30 pages left of it. Contemplate getting backup purse book but figure I probably won't be able to finish before the cab comes.

10:45 PM Arrive in lobby. There are no cabs at the cab stand. There are never cabs on Thursday nights. This is irritating. Every other time there's at least one, sometimes as many as three or four.

10:46 PM The guard calls Yellow Cab for me.

DM (after waiting forever for the dispatcher to pickup): Hi. How long would it take to get a cab to (my apartment complex).Really rude Yellow Cab dispatcher (RRYD): 20 minutes.DM: Okay. Thanks.

I go sit down and begin reading my book.

11:15 PM No cab. I have just finished my book. Contemplate going and getting my backup book but you know perfectly well that if I do that, the cab will show up and leave.

11:20 PM I am bored. Bored, bored, bored. BORED.

11:25 PM Start playing stupid game on my cell phone. It is less than exciting.

11:30 PM Where is my cab? C'mon, people, this is way past twenty minutes.

11:31 PM (or so) Realize that Beth sent me a text message and left a phone message for me. Call her. Tell her I am still waiting and that I called Liz.

11:40 PM (or so) A Diamond Cab has pulled up. I go jump into the cab.

DM: Hi. Can you take me to the Chalet on Rice Street.Cab Driver (CD): Yeah. Did you call for a cab?DM: Yes. I called Yellow over 45 minutes ago. You're here now. They lose.CD: I have absolutely no problem with that.

11:50 PM (or so (I'll have very little concept of time for the next few hours because I don't have a watch and the only clock is behind the bar)) Arrive at the Chalet. Pay driver. Walk in. See Beth. Go to sit down next to her.

B: Would you sit over here (motions to another chair)? Someone's sitting there.DM: Okay.

I go sit down. My back is right next to another table which I hate becase I always feel like I am bumping into them or when people try to walk between the tables it's a pain. Who is sitting in the other chair? I don't recognize the purse. Are Katie and Steve up here tonight?

Nancy comes over and sits down. She has absolutely no personality. I have absolutely no qualms about asking her to switch spots with me. She kind of freaks me out a little.

A little while later, Beth is singing. Nancy decides to start a conversation.

N: Beth seems nice.DM: She is.N: My best friend in high school was named Beth. That was 14...no, 15...no, 14 years ago. That was when that Kiss song was popular.DM: Beth HATES that song.N: I know (Giggles and puts her hand on my arm)! She told me that.

Okay, you know she hates the song. Why did you bring it up then? Why are you touching me? Don't touch me, crazy lady without personality!

Char and Tom come in. Liz shows up. We have to get extra chairs (when I say we, I mean that I sent Tom on a search for extra chairs) so that our friends can join us. So much for Nancy leaving when they show up like she told Beth she would. She's crazy AND a liar.

Beth shows us pictures of the cake that she prepared for Sarah. The amount of frosting she put on this cake frightens me a little. She is telling us about the sugar high she caused for her bankers.

Char and Tom leave. Nancy is still there.

12:41 AM There is a bachelor party at the table behind us. This very thin but kind of cute guy goes up to sing. He is going to sing Ghostbusters. He is now stripping to Ghostbusters. Oh, dear Lord in Heaven.

Bryan: I don't want to name any names but Doug (this would be the stripper's name) should leave some meth for the rest of us.

Doug dances on tables, he quite possibly tries to swing from the disco ball (not sure about this but the disco ball is now dead so it's a good guess that he tried this but I was writing this down). He finishes and walks back to his table. We are laughing hysterically.

Bryan: We're going to seperate into groups and discuss what just happened. We're going to write down how this made us feel, share our emotions.

DM: Already there! You (to Doug) are so going on my blog, honey.B: You called him honey. Do you like him?DM: Uh...no. I'm not sure why I called him honey.

Nancy is reading what I'm writing in my notebook. This is very irritating. She leaves to go and sing and Liz, Beth and I are discussing her. Beth tells Liz about how her boyfriend is in prison.

Liz: When she looks at me, I wonder if she's thinking, 'Would it take only 4 stabs or 8?'DM: Damn it. I can't write this down! She was reading what I was writing earlier.

I am sure we had many other funny but unkind things to say about Nancy and her oddness but I don't remember what they were. She eventually left.

1:10 AM The door opens. A chorus of angels begin to sing. The most attractive man in the entire universe walks in and sits down at our table. I try very hard not to do a happy dance because I had thought he might not be coming in since he's usually there by 1 AM and Liz had said something about him being tired. Ah. My Thursday night is complete. Good friends and the man I adore are present. Good times.

Time seems to fast forward. I know that we talked about fun and exciting things but I can't remember what they were. I think there was mention of Ben Folds' music, maybe a movie or two, cake and frosting, sweet tooths (or would that be sweet teeth?), an upcoming wedding James is going to attend, etc.

Suddenly karaoke is over. Even sadder, after karaoke is over. Where did the time go? James leaves. Liz is in the middle of telling us a story.

Liz: Something, something, something.B: Okay. The door closed. You want to sigh, don't you?DM: No (vehement denial that is not fooling anyone). And, even if I did, Liz is in the middle of a story. It would be rude to interrupt her.B: Liz, can Dana take a moment to sigh?Liz: Yes.B: Go ahead.DM: Sigh that indicates that I am incredibly insane about stupid James and why doesn't he realize that I am the one for him, dang it?

Later, Liz is telling us about James's roommate, Big Matt, who apparently is not the nicest person around.

DM: Poor James.B: You want to...Never mind.DM: What?B: You want to console him, don't you?DM: Yes.Liz: I am going to go to the bathroom and then try to remember why I sit at this table with you freaks.

We later leave and head for my apartment. Beth and I chat about the evening and listen for music. It is a nice way to unwind at the end of the night.

3:11 AM I look at the clock while I am getting into bed. I notice the time because it is 3:11 and I was born on March 11th so I like to notice things like this. March 11th is quite possibly the coolest day ever. Just so you know.

So anyway, that was my day. It's very late and I apologize. I have other stories about karaoke that I'll tell later. Ciao!

Monday, June 12, 2006

Okay, we have a 12 minute hold time and 32 calls in queue so the chances of me ever finishing my Day in the Life post (only, oh, five days late) any time today is very slim. 32 calls! WTF? It's not suddenly tax season again, is it? I didn't fast forward through eight months to go through this crap all over again without my knowledge, right?

Anyway, the quick (and exciting) news is that I received an email from my friend Katie who let me know that her boyfriend Troy proposed to her this weekend. Apparently they were watching South Park, she got up to get them something to drink and came back to find a ring under her blanket. I question the proposal during South Park but to each their own...she's the one that's engaged, after all.

This means I get to do a wedding album! Woo-hoo! I can hardly wait!

Mainly this post is for Beth because the rest of you probably don't know Katie. I don't get to see her that often since she abandoned me to work for a very large financial institution but I adore her and Troy (even though Troy is a Republican, he's the nicest Republican I know and I rarely ever want to beat him about the head with my purse).

My break is over. Dagnabit. This day had better end soon, that's all I've got to say.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Oh, Blogger, you are driving me insane. Here I have lots to report and you are thwarting me! Thwarter! I hate to be thwarted! However, I do rather love the word thwart because it is ever so much fun to say but it is not fun to happen.

It was a hilarious night. Did you notice that it was 1 year to the weekend that this happened from when Q was hitting on you?

He did hug you. And I cannot WAIT until you expose the wonderful news from tonight to your adoring readers... I'm evil.”

So. Thursday night. I’m at the Chalet. James is there. James is yelling at Beth because she tried to pay for the movie when we went to see X-Men: The Last Stand on Memorial Day. Apparently, when we come to his theater, we are not allowed to pay. And we should know better. He also yells at me after Beth goes to sing (or elsewhere) once he realizes that I would have paid if Beth didn’t. A little part of me enjoys the fact that he is so adamant about this. A little part of me enjoys everything he does because that little part of me is a freak. Trust me on this. “Ooh. James is being forceful. I am thrilled!” “Ooh. James is breathing. How exciting!” Pathetic.

He is sitting across from me which is both frustrating and enjoyable. Frustrating because when he sits next to me there is the occasional touching of our legs (see! See! I told you I was pathetic. “Ooh. James’ leg is pressed up against mine. What ecstasy!” Yes. I am a freak (although the occasional touching has started to be constant. There’s this connection between us that no one else can see. I love that (ARGH! I’m such a dork)). It is enjoyable because I can look at him directly when he is talking and also look at him but look away quickly when he looks at me and watch him look at me but look away quickly when I look at him (that sentence made absolutely no sense but I think you know what I mean. Right?).

We are talking about the next movie I want to see. I want to see this movie very badly because I was excited when I saw the preview because this is a comic book character that I either actually read one of the comic books for or saw this character on an episode of The Incredible Hulk (the cartoon but I’m not sure which one it was for. I don’t think it was the one from the 80’s because that looks totally cheesy). Beth, however, didn’t look overly thrilled with the plot. I think she might have said something along the lines of “His head turns into a skull and his motorcycle bursts into flames. Yeah. You can go with Keem.” However, Keem was also not excited about this when I told her about the movie. I do not know how my friends expect me to be a true blue comic book character movie geek unless they support me in my obsession. Sheesh (I know, I know. Get a car (and a license (I can hear Beth and Keem chorusing this in my head))).

Anyway, people have been telling me that I need to ask him out. “C’mon, Dana, just go for it already.” Yeah. That is not going to happen. I am extremely shy, people. And yes, I can hear you laughing. I know you think I’m not shy. Look. I may be the most outgoing person in the world. I can walk up to complete strangers in Portugal without knowing any Portuguese besides Bacon (Bacon), thank you (Obrigada), kisses (Beijos) and Rat Bastard (Sacana) and ask them for directions. I can tell complete strangers that they should sing at karaoke. I can tell people that I really like their shoes or hair style or shirt or the way that they smell. I can even flirt shamelessly with Craig and do a mock little shiver when he says he’s going to hurt me. But. If one of those people happens to be someone I like, I panic and get all scared and don’t know how to deal with it and can’t talk to them at all.

Why is that? Why? It is so stupid. I like James. I would be happy if we were friends for the rest of our lives but I also find him very attractive and want to smack him up alongside the head and scream “Damn it, are you ever going to kiss me?” I’m pretty sure he likes me. I think the reason I can flirt so easily with Craig but not with James is the following reasons because, yes, Craig is attractive. Yes, he’s nice and funny and everything but he doesn’t take my breath away when he brushes against me. Everything isn’t brighter and better when he walks in the door. His smile doesn’t sustain me when I think about it later. As I said to Beth on Sunday, “Give me a moment. I’m on a James high.” That’s just so sad. Why am I such a dork?

Hmm. I seem to have wandered away from my point which is that I asked James out. Sort of. Here is the conversation leading up to it:

DM: I really want to see Ghost Rider but neither Beth or Kim will go with me so I’ll probably show up at your theater.James (J): The theater will either be closed when it comes out or, if we’re still open, we won’t be showing Ghost Rider (He’s known his theater is going to close for awhile. There has been talk that it will remain open and show art films. Which is cool).DM: But you could do a special screening of it for me!J: I’ll probably go see it.DM: Good. We could go see it together.J: We could do that.

It is the end of the evening so I reach for my purse to put my notebook away.

J (laughs): Are you going to write it down?DM: No. I am putting my stuff away.

Beth comes back to the table. James says that he is going to leave but waits a few minutes for us to gather our stuff and then walks out with us (which is new. The last three times we’ve been there (including this Sunday) he waits so he can walk out with me. Allow me my sigh of romantic mushiness. Sigh).

Beth and I get into the car.

Beth (B): So? What happened?DM: I asked him to go to Ghost Rider with me.B: And?DM: He said yes.B: What? Seriously? I can’t believe I didn’t hear you scream when that happened.DM: I know. I can’t believe it either.

There is a moment while I sit back and reflect on the events of the evening.

DM: Oh my God. I actually asked him out.B: You did.DM: And he said yes.B: You have a date.DM: Wow.

Pause.

B: Wait a second. When is Ghost Rider coming out?DM: February.B: You have a date in February. That’s eight months away!DM: I know. But it’s a start!B: Yes. Yes, it is a start. You’ve liked him for a year. Almost a year and a half. And now you have a date. In eight months.DM: This has to be the longest courtship ever.B: Did you just use the word courtship? You’re such a dork.DM: I know.

Pause.

DM: I really like him.

The responses to the fact that I finally asked him out (sort of. It was more of a casual suggestion, technically) have all been excited and joyful (and there have been a few “It’s about time!”). The responses when these people find out when the said “date” is actually taking place have been varied.

Sarah (to Beth): Isn’t there another movie you don’t want to see a little sooner than February?

Amy: What? What (Amy actually screamed in excitement when I told her and gave me a high 5. She was somewhat confused when I told her about the February part)!?

Keem (Laughs): Well, at least you have something to look forward to.

I can’t think of all of the other responses, other than the hysterical laughter from my brother-in-law, Eric.

Sunday was very slow, there were not a lot of people singing except for Beth and I and this girl named Theresa that we don’t like (she comes up every once in awhile and she sang Picture with Bryan this Sunday and also sang some other songs and she gets all dramatic with this “I’m the best singer in the world” attitude).

Theresa sang Crusin’ with Bryan which is a very fun song but she got all weird with it.

Bryan (after the song was over): You were harder to follow than some of the maps I’ve gotten off Mapquest.

This guy that was sitting at another table came over and asked me about the song books. I was explaining how they worked and told him that the one I had was by artists and offered to let him look at it. Apparently that means “Come sit at our table, complete stranger.” Although he was nice and not a crazy creepy guy so that was in his favor. We started talking about what brought him up to the Chalet and he mentioned that he knew people that came up here but they weren’t there at the time.

There was no creepy crazy guy for me this week but Beth got a double visit of past suitors (and I am using the term suitor very loosely in which that I mean these are men that she would never ever be interested in).

Craig (and not our friend Craig, the hot guy who, according to my heritage.com, looks like George Clooney) the possible fake Scotsman was there. With his red beret on. Because nothing says sexy like a man in a beret. He did not sit with us at first, thankfully.

And Matt was there. While Beth and I agree that Matt is a lot more fun and enjoyable to be around when he has not been drinking heavily, it is readily obvious that he is quite fascinated with Beth. He ended up sitting next to her.

James was there. Yay! It turns out that he knows the complete stranger that was sitting at our table. His name is also Matt. James sat between us and then asked me if he introduced himself to us. He also told Craig he should come sit with us. Oh, the joy.

DM: He asked about the books and I told him he could look at it and then he came over and sat with us. I introduced us.J: I’m horrible with names, I know him but I can’t remember what it is.DM: It’s Matt.J: Matt? Are you sure?DM: Uh, yeah. That’s what he said (And, hello, you don’t remember!).

James was wearing this t-shirt that I have seen before and I absolutely love it because it has a comic strip on it and I can use this as an excuse to touch his chest. Why, I’m just trying to straighten out the comic strip. I’ve used this same excuse every time he wears the shirt. I have the comic strip memorized by now. But hey, what are you going to do, right? I’d like to think that I was very subtle about this and I probably was before but now I am sure he is on to me.

See, Craig had gone up to sing and I mentioned something about how I wasn’t overly fond of him and James and I had a slight argument over it.

J: Why do you have to be such a bitch (yes, he was kidding)?DM: Because I like it. And, please, the only impression I have about him is that he was staring at Beth’s chest and stroking his moustache!Matt (Little Matt, he’s called, apparently to distinguish him from other Matts (but the other Matt that was there didn’t have all that memorable turns of phrase so we’ll stick with Matt)): It was only the one time!DM: No, it was at least two times (realize he’s talking about himself). Oh.

Matt leans forward and starts staring at James’ chest.

DM: Matt, you have to be more subtle about it (reaches out and touches James’ chest). You just pretend that you’re reading (stops suddenly when I realize that I am giving away a major secret. What was I thinking?)…

When I told Beth about this later in the car, she burst out laughing.

B: I think that’s the best thing you’ve said today. You actually told him that!DM: I know. Oh my God!

There was the before mentioned leg touching for most of the night. If I moved, he would move it back. I love this. There is such intimacy involved with it, how we are connected without anyone else knowing. But I think I already said that. He has also started leaning into me when he talks to me, turning so that our arms are pressed together and we are looking directly into each other’s eyes. Again, loving that as well.

Have I mentioned that I like him lots? Have I? Because I do.

Anyway, to end my tale of Extreme Like at Karaoke, I bring you a meme that Teri did. You ask her to assign you a letter and you have to come up with 10 words that start with that letter to describe you. Beth did this for the letter “T” and I loved helping her come up with words.

When Beth asked us to help her at karaoke, Craig started throwing out unBethlike words – tapeworm and testicular cancer. I looked at him and said “Uh, these are supposed to describe Beth, not you.” Bryan also had a good comeback for him as well, as Beth documents – “No, this is about Beth. But I have a T word for you. Tourette’s Syndrome.”

Teri was going to assign me either the letters “Q” or “X” but instead she assigned me “J.” I wonder why. It’s not like one of my favorite things ever starts with a “J.” Anyway, if you think this is fun and want to do it yourself, leave a comment and I will assign you a letter.

J words that describe Dana:

Jubilee – A time or occasion of rejoicing but also one of the X-men. From the Superhero dictionary (and how freaking cool is that?) – “This young mutant has the ability to generate light-energy plasmoids that explode with tremendous force. This spunky teen fights evil whenever she is not in the mall.” Jubilee was not one of my favorite characters when I watched X-men but where else am I going to list my love of comic book characters and movies based on them? Plus, I love the definition of jubilee - I have noticed that life is so much more exciting for me since I’ve started taking Effexor. I’ve always been goofy and silly but now I enjoy being this way for myself. It’s not just to amuse others. Which I love to do. Why else do you think there are pictures of me with multiple birthday hats on my face if not to make people laugh?

Jamming –I have chosen this word to describe my love for music on a whole. I enjoy music so much that I will seriously get into it and have been told on several occasions that I shake the entire car with my enthusiasm for foot tapping. I can’t sleep without music, I love to have it in the background when I am scrapbooking with Beth or hanging out with her talking or whenever I’m in the car, preferably singing along (and Keem will say “Dana! No singing! You are not at karaoke!”). We be jamming now.

Jerk –Sometimes. I think everyone has the capacity to be jerk-like. I am occasionally selfish, have a tendency to interrupt people without even thinking about it, forget to say thank you (even though I am incredibly appreciative of things that people do for me, I very stupidly forget the magic words please and thank you) and I’m sure there’s other things I do. I try to work on these faults and I am glad that I have Beth and Keem to point out my aberrant behavior and also to model myself on because they are very cool and not jerky at all. Well, not always. They are bossy and won't let me buy hair things which is very mean. There is no such thing as too many hair things (or books or anything they tell me I shouldn't buy because they are practical).

Jotter – technically it’s a small notebook to jot down hurried handwritten notes but I also think that it describes my writing style. I’m definitely not a journalist, my writing tends to be very similar to how I talk – hurried and, well, kind of silly. But I like it. If only the rest of the world would recognize that Danaspeak is the way to go, I would be a famous author.

Jesus – No. I do not think I am Jesus. But I believe in Him and God and the Holy Spirit. I am more of a spiritual person than I am a religious one. Organized religion irritates me with all of the judging that goes on. I am not a judgmental person by any stretch of the imagination. Unless, of course, you are Hitler. Or George W Bush. Then I will judge you all I want, thank you. I really try to accept people for who they are. But sometimes I am a bitch and will decide I don’t like you because you think you are so cool. You know who you are (well, actually you probably don’t because you don’t read my blog which is good because you probably wouldn't like my description of your singing quality, Theresa).

Jupiter – Roman counterpart of Zeus. And no, I don’t think I’m him, either. But I always enjoyed Greek, Roman and Norse mythology. I used to check out all of the mythology books from the library when I was younger. When watching movies/television shows based on these myths, I get very frustrated and have a tendency to scream at the screen "That's not what happened!" I suppose I should give James, Dean and Matt less crap about relaxing and just enjoying the movie, even though it's not completely accurate.

I’ve read Hawaiian myths, Japanese, etc. It’s funny, the creation story in many different myths is very similar to the one for Christianity. Hmm. I wonder if that could mean that all religions are connected in some way? And maybe we shouldn’t go around judging people for not being the same religion as us?

Juror – Someone who serves or waits to be called to serve on a jury. How hard is it to get called for jury duty? Both Keem and Jeff have been selected. I never have. I vote at every single election there is (well, it helps that our voting area for my district is in my apartment building) but no, the government doesn’t seem to want me. It is my civic duty, damn it! Why, yes, I am just going through the dictionary and selecting words, how did you guess?

Justifiable – I can justify anything. It may not be logical or factual but I feel that these things have no place in my world. Quite often you will hear me mention something and have Beth or Keem say “Uh, no, you mean this” and I will reply “Same thing” and they will say “No, it’s not the same thing, it’s not even close” and I will say “In my world it is. So there.” So maybe it’s not so much justifiable as it is slightly insane but insane doesn’t start with a “J.”

Jovial – I am amused by everything. I can sit and play with an air freshener until Keem tells me to stop batting it around. My imagination is such that I can entertain myself for hours by making up stories in my head (one of the reasons why I enjoyed mowing the lawn when I was a teenager, one of my scenarios involved the Dukes of Hazard coming to rescue me from my drudgery). I truly enjoy such movies as Saving Silverman or 8 Heads in a Duffle Bag. If you make me laugh enough, I will snort. I hate that. It’s so not dignified.

About Me

Just for the record, my opinions, hopes, dreams, etc., are just that. They have absolutely no reflection on my employer. Not that I'm going to tell you who that is...
I am the (self proclaimed) Queen of the Universe. Join my cadre of loyal subjects and all will be well in your world. My mantra is "Embrace Chaos. Adore Chaos. Give Chaos a big kiss on the mouth." NEW mantra this week - "No one ever suspects the socks."
Email me at greenduckiesgirl(at)comcast(dot)net