Norton's Character: "We're gonna split up the week, ok. You take lymphoma and tyberculosis."Marla: "You take tyberculosis, my smoking doesn't go over at all."Norton's Character: "Ok, fine, but testicular cancer should be no contest I think."Marla: "Tecnically, I have more of a right to be there than you. You still have your balls."

Marla: "I'll take the parasites."Norton's Character: "You can't have both the parasites, but why don't you take the blood parasites."Marla: "I want brain parasites."Norton's Character: "I'll take blood parsatites, but I'm gonna take organic brain dementia."Marla: "I want that."Norton's Character: "You can't have the whole brain."Marla: "So far you have four, I only have two."Norton's Character: "Ok, take both the parasites."

Narrator: "Take the number of vehicals in the field "A", multiply it by the probable rate of failure "B", then multiply the result by the average out of court settlement "C" "A x B x C...""Norton's Character: "...equals "X", If X is less than the cost of a recall, we don't do one."Business Woman on Plane (Dierdre Downing-Jackson): "Are there a lot of these kinds of accidents?"Norton's Character: "You wouldn't believe."Business Woman on Plane: "Which car company do you work for?"Norton's Character: "A major one."

Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt): "Did you know if you mixed equal parts of gasoline and frozen orange juice concentrate, you can make napalm."Norton's Character: "No, I did not know that. Is that true?"Tyler: "That's right, one can make all kinds of explosives using simple household items."Norton's Character: "Really."Tyler: "If one were so inclined."

Norton's Character: "Tyler you are by far the most interesting single serving friend I have ever met. See obviously everything on a plane is single serving even the people..."Tyler: "Oh, I get it, it's very clever."Norton's Character: "Thank you."Tyler: "How's that working out for you?"Norton's Character: "What?"Tyler: "Being clever?"Norton's Character: "Great."Tyler: "Keep it up then."

Norton's Character: "My suitcase was vibrating?"Airport Security Officer (Robert J. Stephenson): "Nine times out of ten, it's an electric razor but, every once and a while, it's a dildo. Of course, it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We have to use the indefinate artical A dildo, never your dildo."

Tyler: "We are the byproducts of a lifestyle obsession. Murder, crime, poverty, these things don't concern me. What concerns me are celebrity magazines, television with 500 channels, some guys name on my underware, Rogain, Viagra, Olestra."Norton's Character: "Martha Stewart."Tyler: "bleep Martha Stewart. Martha's polishing the brass on the titanic. It's all going down man, so, bleep off with you're sofa units, and string green stripe patterns. I say never be complete. I say stop being perfect. I say let's evolve, let the chips fall where they may."

Norton's Character: "I should find a hotel."Tyler: "What?"Norton's Character: "What?"Tyler: "A hotel?"Norton's Character: "Yeah."Tyler: "Just ask man."Norton's Character: "What are you talking about?"Tyler: "Three pitchers of beer and you still can't ask."Norton's Character: "What?"Tyler: "You called me because you needed a place to stay."Norton's Character: "Oh hey hey, no no no. I didn't mean..."Tyler: "Yes you did, so just ask. Cut the foreplay and just ask man."Norton's Character: "Would would that be a problem?"Tyler: "Is it a problem for you to ask?"Norton's Character: "Can I stay at your place?"Tyler: "Yeah."

Norton's Character: "He was the guerilla terrorist in the food service industry."Tyler: "Do not watch, I cannot go when you watch."Norton's Character: "Apart from seasoning the lobster bisk, he farted on marang, sneezed on braized endive, and as for the cream of mushroom soup well..."Tyler: "Go ahead tell em'."Norton's Character: "You get the idea."

Narrator: "I don't know how Tyler found that house, but he said he'd been there for a year. It looked like it was waiting to be torn down. Most of the windows had been boarded up. There was no lock on the front door from when the police or whoever kicked it in. The stairs were ready to collapse. I didn't know if he owned it or he was squatting, neither would have surprisde me."

Norton's Character: "Listen to this, it's an article written by an organ in the first person. I am Jack's medula oblongotta, without me Jack could not regulate his heart rate, blood pressure, or breathing. There's a whole series of these: I am Jill's nipples, I am Jack's colan..."Tyler: "Yeah, I get cancer, I kill Jack. (crashes into doorjam with bicycle.)"

Tyler: "The first rule of fight club is, you do not talk about fight club. The second rule of fight club is, you do not talk about fight club. The third rule of fight club, someone yells stop, goes limp, taps out, the fight is over. The fourth rule: only two guys to a fight. The fifth rule: only one fight at a time fellas. The sixth rule: no shirts, no shoes. The seventh rule: fights will go on as long as they have to. And the eighth and final rule: If this is your first night at fight club, you have to fight."

Tyler: "Now listen, I can't have you talking to her about me."Norton's Character: "Why would I talk to her..."Tyler: "You say anything about me or what goes on in this house to her or anybody, we're done. Now promise me."Norton's Character: "Ok."Tyler: "You promise?"Norton's Character: "Yeah, I promise."Tyler: "Promise."Norton's Character: "I just said, I promise."Tyler: "That's three times you promised."

Regional Manager: "Pretend you're me, make a managerial decision. You find this, what do you do?"Norton's Character: "Well, I gotta tell ya, I'd be very very careful who you talk to about that, because the person who wrote that is dangerous, and this button-down oxford-cloth psycho might just snap, and stalk from office to office with an armalite AR-10 carbine gas-powered semi-automatic weapon, pumping round after round into colleagues and co-workers. It might be someone you've known for years, someone very very close to you."Narrator: "Tyler's words coming out of my mouth, (snatches paper from his boss) and I used to be such a nice guy."Norton's Character: "Or maybe, you just shouldn't bring me every little peice of trash you happen to pick up."

Robert "Bob" Paulson (Meatloaf Aday): "Have you heard about the guy that invented this thing?"Norton's Character: "Well, yeah, actually I uh..."Bob: "I hear all kinds of things."Norton's Character: "Yeah."Bob: "Supposedly he was born in a mental institution, and he sleeps only one hour a night. He's a great man, do you know about Tyler Durden?"

Tyler: "We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionairs, and movie gods, and rock stars, but we won't, and we're slowly learning that fact, and we're very very pissed off."

Lou (Peter Iacangelo): "Did you hear what I just said?"Tyler: "You and your friend."Lou: "(he hits tyler) You hear me now?"Tyler: "No, I didn't quite catch that Lou. (hits him again) Still not quite getting it. (again) Ah, ok ok ok, I got it, I got it, I got it. Shit I lost it. (Lou hits him again and he hits the floor)"

Norton's Character: "Let's pretend, you're the deparment of transportation, ok, someone informs you that this company installs front seat mounting brackets that never pass collision tests, brake linings that fail after a thousand miles, and fuel injectors that explode, and burn everyone alive, what then?"

Regional Manager: "Are you threatening me?"Norton's Character: "No."Regional Manager: "Get the bleep out of here, you're fired."Norton's Character: "I have a better solution: you keep me on the payroll as an outside consultant, and in exchange for my salary, my job will be to never tell people these things that I know. I don't even have to come into the office, I can do this job from home."Regional Manager: "Who who the bleep do you think you are, you crazy little bleep?"

Narrator: "Telephone, computer, fax machine, 52 weekly paychecks, and 48 airline flight coupons. We now had corporate sponsorship, this is how Tyler and I were able to have fight club every night of the week."

Tyler: "You are not your job, you're not how much money you have in the bank, you're not the car you drive, you're not the contents of your wallet, you're not your bleeping khackis. You are the all singing, all dancing, crap of the world."

Tyler: "Listen up magots, you are not special, you are not a beautiful or a unique snowflake, you are the same decaying organic matter as everything else."Narrator: "Tyler built himself an army."Tyler: "We are the all singing, all dancing, crap of the world. We are all part of the same compost heap."

Tyler: "Hi, you're gonna call off your rigorous investigation. You're gonna publically state that there is no underground terrorist group, or, these guys are gonna take your balls. Their gonna send one to the LA Times, one to the New York Times, press release style. Look, the people you are after are the people you depend on: we cook your meals, we haul your trash, we connect your calls, we drive your ambulances, we guard you while you sleep. Do not bleep with us."

Narrator: "I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every panda that wouldn't screw to save it's species. (hard packing sounds of a fight) I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all those french beaches I'd never see."

Norton's Character: "You and I started fight club together, do you remember that? It's as much mine as it is your's you know."Tyler: "Is this about you and me?"Norton's Character: "Yeah, I thought we were doing this together."Tyler: "You're missing the point, this does not belong to us. We are not special."Norton's Character: "bleep that, you should have told me."

Proprietor of Dry Cleaners (Christopher John Fields): "I'm not exposed to speak any such information to you, nor would I even if I had said information you want, at this juncture be able."Norton's Character: "You're a moron."Proprietor of Dry Cleaners: "I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."

Bartender in Halo (Michael Shamus Wiles): "Welcome back sir, how have you been?"Norton's Character: "Do you know me?"Bartender in Halo: "Is this a test sir?"Norton's Character: "No, this is not a test."Bartender in Halo: "You were in here last thursday."Norton's Character: "Thursday?"Bartender in Halo: "You were standing exactly where you are now, asking how tight security was. It's tight as a drum sir."Norton's Character: "Who do you think I am?"Bartender in Halo: "Are you sure this isn't a test?"Norton's Character: "No, this is not a test."Bartender in Halo: "You're Mr. Durden, you're the one who gave me this."Narrator: "Please return your seat backs to their full upright and locked positions."

Norton's Character: "Just answer the question Marla, did we do it or not?"Marla: "You bleep me, then snub me, you love me, you hate me, you show me a sensative side, then you turn into a total bleephole. Is that a pretty accurate description of our relationship Tyler?"Narrator: "We have just lost cabin pressure."Norton's Character: "What'd you just say? "Marla: "What is wrong with you?"Norton's Character: "What'd you just call me? Say my name."Marla: "Tyler Durden, Tyler Durden, you bleeping freak, what's going on?"

Tyler: "You were looking for a way to change your life. You could not do this on your own. All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you want to look, I bleep like you want to bleep, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not."

Norton's Character: "I can figure this out, I can figure this out, this isn't even real, you're not real, the gun isn't even in your hAnd the gun is in my hand."Tyler: "Hey, good for you, doesn't change a thing."

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