Saturday, July 20, 2013

“You know, when Trayvon Martin was first shot I said that this could have been my son. Another way of saying that is Trayvon Martin could have been me 35 years ago.”

Not to quibble over words, as we all know by now that “just words” don’t mean anything butt technically, no; that isn’t another way of saying it. “If I had a son, he’d look like Trayvon” is another way of saying “this could have been my son.” “I could have been Trayvon,” is another way of saying “Trayvon Martin could have been me.”

President Obama implored Americans on Friday to “do some soul-searching” in the aftermath of the shooting death of an unarmed black teenager in Florida, speaking expansively and introspectively about the nation’s painful history of race and his own place in it.

So I’m willing to play along. We all know that BO could’ve been Trayvon, or a Kardashian butt let’s do some soul-searching and see who else Big Guy could’ve been 35 years ago.

Dzhokhar Tsarnaev? Like BO, he had a flakey mother and was disenfranchised, maybe he could have been Dzhokhar.

And how about Cory Monteith? He, too, was talented and given to using drugs to escape life’s harsh expectations.

Although both of these young guys are/were pretty white; and as we know from his first and second autobiographies, Big Guy didn’t really relate much to his white half. Especially after he became a successful community organizer.

I suppose, with that set of chords he’s got, BO could have been any of the young rappers. Lil Wayne for example.

I understand it’s a big thang with urban youth in the south who are just minding their own business.

Alternatively, and since we are free to make up the rules as we go along these days, how about doing our soul-searching from the rear view mirror and contemplate who Big Guy could have been 35 years ago.

Possibly Augusto Pinochet?

Apparently BRF isn’t a new phenomena

Although Augusto was Chile’s rather non-benevolent dictator he still enjoyed high approval ratings from his adoring fans well into his regime of terror.

The Pinochet-ettes look just like O-bots!

Closer to home, BO could have been Jimmy Carter 35 years ago. You remember Jimmy Carter: he undercut our friend, the reformist Shah of Iran and thus helped usher the Ayatollah Khomeini into power and the rest, as they say, is history:

Thus Jimmy Carter's misguided implementation of human rights policies not only indirectly led to overthrow of the Shah of Iran, but also paved the way for loss of more than 600,000 lives, Iran's rule by Ayatollahs, the Iran-Iraq War, Iraq's Invasion of Kuwait and Desert Storm, the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan, the Taliban, Al Qaeda, Osama bin Laden, and the mass murder of Americans and destruction of the World Trade Center towers on September 11, 2001.

Oh, and I almost forgot: Jimmy also won a Nobel Peace Prize, just like Big Guy.

Equally deserving

That was for signing the first nuclear non-proliferation treaty with Russia (about the same time Big Guy would have been formulating his own deep thoughts on nuclear proliferation that would later he included inhis only published college paper) and for getting that Mid-East “Framework for Peace” accord signed at Camp David. Just think: that was 35 years ago, and today we’re still reaping all the benefits that were to be had from that piece of work.

On the other hand, Jimmy Carter gave the Panama Canal away to Nicaragua in a show of neighborly friendship, oversaw an abysmal economy with the unemployment rate hovering around 6% - which actually sounds pretty good now, butt they probably calculated it differently back then – and the country was burdened with what was referred to as “runaway” inflation as neither the Fed or the Treasury had yet figured out how to mask “control” inflation while still printing money like crazy.

Still, there’s plenty of time left. Big Guy could give Texas back to Mexico and somehow manage to get our unemployment rate down to 6% – which I think he can pull off if we just continue to not count the people who’ve been out of work for over a year and put the rest of them on disability.

So I think that’s my final answer, after a great deal of soul-searching: BO could have been Jimmy Carter 35 years ago.

The Baltimore Sun got into the scrum with a new poll asking readers “What do you think of Michelle Obama's new haircut?”:

I’m not sure how current this is, butt I think they like it, don’t you??? (click to embiggen)

Butt with the dawn comes the embarrassing truth: Rumors of Lady M’s haircut have been greatly exaggerated.

Yes, if the side-shot (can I say that?) and back-door embargo had been lifted, everybody might have exercised a little journalistic restraint. Butt with only the first pic to work with, the cart ran away with the horse, so to speak.

Suspicious, butt more evidence needed.

Eureka!

“Elementary, my dear Watson”: the bun, bloomed into a whole loaf!

Frankly, and unfortunately, this is not the first time we’ve sported this doo:

"To you all students, for having the courage to step outside your comfort zone and do something that was probably initially pretty scary, I know that feeling," Obama told about 50 teens gathered at Columbia College Chicago to see her. "I was you guys. I say that all the time. Living on the South Side, looking at these buildings, wondering what it was like to work in those offices."

"Programs like this are an answer in so many ways (SNIP) for kids in so many communities, giving them an opportunity (SNIP) of gangbanging, hanging on the streets, dropping out," she said...

[Legal Disclaimer: This is an example of a Lame Stream Media Edit, similar to the one NBC did of the Zimmerman 911 recording. Yes, Lady M said this, butt a few, teensy, tiny, strategic words have been redacted. I’m not doing it maliciously, I just think this narrative is more interesting. Just like NBC. (Butt the first paragraph, “to you all students” is uncut, unedited and let me just say, I feels you guys pain.)]

“So, MOTUS. What did we learn from all of this?” I don’t know. I reflect, you decide. Butt it looks like this whole kerfuffle could have been avoided if Lady M had just tried the new hair product we picked up last week in PRIVATE!, instead of parading it around in front of the cameras:

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Why is everyone upset with Rolling Stone? They’re just doing what they do: celebrifying the base elements of society in order to make a buck. And let’s face it, it’s not as if Rolling Stone invented “Très terror Chic” fashion.

Che Guevara t-shirts have been popular since the 60’s

Zapatista gear seemingly forever:

Keffiyehs since the 80’s

Mujahaddin scarves since the 90’s,

and "shemaghs" since the ought’s. Of course, these all serve a very practical military purpose for both sides when you’re engaged in desert warfare.

Made in China, for both sides

Butt that’s not what made them famous; celebrities did that.

Baby-daddy Kanye and Jay-Z: both down with the schtruggle

Soon the fashion was showing up everywhere: on selfies,

and was quickly co-opted by everyone from Rachel Ray to Howard Dean to the Reverend Al:

Shortly thereafter the terror-chic scarves were “gentrified”

and quickly became an object of desire by the ever burgeoning metrosexual class:

Justin Timberlake and Lady M, incognito

So I don’t hardly see how you can blame Rolling Stone for glorifying terror chic. That would be like blaming Lady M for glorifying table cloth and beach umbrella fashion.

Lady M didn’t invent tablecloth and beach umbrella fashion, she just made it her own.

The terrorist-chic look has been around ever since Fidel wrested Cuba from the hands of indolent upper class in order to make it the working man’s paradise it is today. And ever since, you simply can’t be any kind of a rebel with a murderous cause without a little terrorist bling. And that starts with a good scarf. And a good, high capacity “magazine” belt.

So let’s stop obsessing about this cover:

And get our attention redirected to this cover:

And the one thing you can count on is that after the media gets tired of celebrifying evil, they will get back to vilifying the innocent. So my fashion advice for the near-future: invest in a few good keffiyehs. With the NSA hovering around everywhere, you never know when you, too, might need one.