The Fall Equinox falls on September 21st, which happens to be my birthday, and it reminds me of several things: First, the equinox represents one of the two times of the year when there is a balance of day and night, a relatively equal duration of lightness and dark.

What a beautiful metaphor for my work as an ontological coach. Ontology, the study of the nature of being, of existence, is a focus that balances the facilitative coaching of achieving intentions and goals with the equally important focus of creating time and depth for personal peace, self-care, fulfilling relationships, and complete self-expression. We know that for overall health and well-being, this balance is essential.

The other thoughts that September bring to mind are of Labor Day, the end of summer; the return to school, or the renewed efforts to settle back into one’s work and to commit to even stronger inspired accomplishments in the next year.

*In what ways might you find greater balance in your life?

*What areas in your life would you look at to create greater health and

well-being?

Responsibility and Resilience

As well as celebrating each year, I believe that birthdays, like anniversaries, should remind us of our responsibility to evaluate our lives; acknowledge our accomplishments, and practice resilience. We are blessed to have the freedom to commit to creating lives that we love, but we often don’t take the time, or don’t have the tools to do so. With each accumulated birthday, I feel we also have the responsibility to share our knowledge and wisdom. How well and in what ways are you sharing your wisdom?

Stephen Covey wrote in The 8th Habit, that in this age of wisdom and service (beyond the industrial and information ages), the task is to “Find Your Voice and Inspire Others to Find Theirs.” My mission in this year beginning with the September Equinox is to help others find their voice.

*What would “finding your voice” look like for you at this time in

your life?

*What are the higher accomplishments you would like to achieve

in your work?

*What have you always secretly wanted to do, but thought it just

a dream that could never be achieved?

I would love to support you in making discoveries about yourself that would transform your life and make your dreams possible. Professional coaching raises the bar and takes one to the highest level of personal functioning. Why not blow the top off all limitations to your greatness?

Call or email me today to arrange for a complimentary phone session to introduce you to ontological coaching!

Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. –Goethe

Wonder Woman: kidnapped and held hostageby Hollywood! This could be the headline for a review of the current Warner Brothers film, Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice. I was so looking forward to seeing this film. I was so excited to see the return of Wonder Woman, the first female superhero, in a line-up with Superman, the comic book hero Wonder Woman was created after, by Harvard psychologist and feminist, William Marston, in 1941. She would be there to fight against tyranny, just as she had teamed-up with Superman in the ‘40s to fight the Nazis.

I’m a psychologist, a life coach, a public speaker, and my current talk is on Wonder Woman as representative of the current feminine archetype of powerful, smart women who are working around the world (there are nearly one million grassroots women’s organization on the planet) for an end to violence; for social justice and equality for men, women and children.

I found no trace of the real Wonder Woman in this movie. There is no resemblance to her in the characterization written for Israeli actor, Gal Gadot. By the time she showed up (probably 2 hours into this painful, ugly drama), Superman had been reduced to a Superwimp and stripped of his superpowers. Batman is a sadistic villialante. Wonder Woman looks like a Vogue model, and when transformed, a character out of Game of Thrones, who’s dropped in, but we don’t know why. She accomplishes nothing. Gone are her gold tiara, which could be hurled at a villain to stop him in his tracks, the silver bracelets that could deflect bullets, the golden lasso which impels truth-telling. But the biggest loss for the audience is the loss of what the film purports to be about- Justice.

There is no justice in this movie. A monstrous creature, (Doomsday in the original comic story) Zod in this film, who’s infused with Lux Luthor’s DNA, succeeds in killing Superman- which was his aim all along. Although Luthor ends up babbling incoherently in prison, he is the only winner in this ­panoply of superheroes-gone-wrong and supervillains-getting-their-wish.

Luthor, played superbly by Jesse Eisenburg, is the only compelling character in the film. And I object. Anti-heroes are intriguing because, while they are morally ambiguous, they usually land us on the right side of things. Luthor is not morally ambiguous. He is a sadistic psychopath. So we essentially have no heroes in this film.

The corollary to Jesus’ death and resurrection is evident at the end (we even see a cross in the distance) when Lois Lane tearfully drops dirt on the coffin, turns away, and the coffin starts to move. By this time, my friend and I are just glad the film is over, and disgusted by the cheap gimmick preparing the audience for the next put-you-to-sleep-if-you-have-earplugs and can-stand-the-lack-of-morals sequel. (And I’m not interested in seeing Superman portrayed as the second coming.)

Back to Wonder Woman

Our first female superhero wasn’t created to compete with or participate in the prevailing male “fists and firepower” manner of handling crisis. She was created with the intention of bringing the feminine energies of love and fierce compassion to a world that desperately needed (and still needs) justice, equality and peace.

William Marston was dedicated to equal rights for women and he firmly believed that, “The only hope for civilization is the greater freedom, development and equality of women.” He and his brilliant wife, Elizabeth Holloway, dedicated their lives to this purpose. After his death in 1947 and with the end of the war, women were sent home from offices and factories, and Wonder Woman lost her power.

It’s been a long road back to equal rights and we still have far to go- particularly in other parts of the world. For example: Women perform 66% of the world’s work and produce 50% of the world’s food (in Africa 80%), but they earn 10 % of the income and own 1% of the property? (Women’s Global Initiative ’95; restated in 2012 and 2014, Marcia Dyson, Hillary Clinton, Melinda Gates)

So yes, we have much work to do. Male or female, we must unleash the power of our inner Wonder Woman, the powerful nurturing feminine energy we all possess, and stay true to our purpose and intentions. We must resist whoever and whatever organization, industry, cause, (or our own small selves) that might persuade, sidetrack, or hijack us from our mission, our life purpose of being a Warrior-for-Good.

At the Vancouver International Peace Summit in 2009, the Dalai Lama said:

“The world will be saved by the western woman.”

And Ernest Holmes wrote, “My Inner Light shines through the mist of human beliefs and frees me from the bondage of fear and limitation.”

And lastly, Socrates said, “The secret of change is to focus all of our energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”

So let’s harness the freedoms we possess and prove the Dalai Lama right! Be a Badass Wonder Woman Goddess. The world needs your vision, your truth, and your Divine Feminine Energy!

Helen Keller said, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” Some of us, during particular life transitions would opt for nothing- a little nothingness, a drop in the adrenaline, a simple diminution of stimuli, or as one of my friends says at times of chaos, “Let me just sit on my bed and suck my thumb.” We long for time to emotionally regroup.

The “daring adventure” that is our life is marked by cycles of change- of loss and reconnection, of dependency and individuation, of deep grief and realizations of renewed growth. Our “hero’s journey,” as Joseph Campbell taught us, is a process that guides, directs, pushes, pulls, and ultimately transforms us along the way from innocent children to wise, mature adults.

Psychologically, life transitions call us to transform the energy of the ego and its childlike ways of expecting the world to take care of us. We are tasked with facing and killing the dragons of defense, our early playmates, who taught us to deny fright and wrongdoing, rationalize deviousness, repress our negative thoughts and project our less than lofty impulses onto others. Repeatedly facing down the small to the deadliest fears rebirths us as warriors, able to protect and nurture ourselves as we grow strong enough to recognize, adapt and finally to enjoy and master completely new terrain.

Campbell tells us that we always have supernatural aid along the journey- so hang onto that belief in guardian angels, no matter in what form they appear. In my life they tend to appear as good friends turning up at crucial times with crucial insights, like a Tinkerbell, focusing my attention on how to handle the crisis of the moment. But one night when I was suffering unbearable pain from multiple broken bones in my shoulder, a more traditional angel friend showed up, dressed in gossamer white. She took me to an icy kingdom, which numbed my body and allowed for much-needed blessed sleep.

Angelic friends are folks you can cry in front of. Sometimes, before we take on the dragons, we have to fall apart and weep, say we can’t possibly do it, we can’t bear it, we didn’t even think we’d signed up for this particular trip. And our friends hold us and soothe us and remind us of who we really are… wonderfully intelligent souls, filled with the energy of the gods, and ready to take our rightful place at the vey center of our lives. As one woman said to me toward the end of a conflict-ridden divorce- “I’m taking back my power, my money, and my magic.”

The benefit from every life transition small or large, is the magic of transformed consciousness. This happens in three ways: through greater Awareness, Acceptance, and Action. Three A’s. When we survive and complete each journey, we have a deeper awareness of our values and our self in relation to the world. We accept ourselves, our shortcomings, our skills and our gifts, as well as our current life situation. And we discover greater courage to take the next action steps toward our goals.

There is an important F word involved here- the word is Forgiveness. Often, it’s the most decisive part of this equation. Self-forgiveness, or forgiveness of past wrongs, is the door that opens to the other three. It brings inner peace. To learn more about the benefits of forgiveness, and how to do it, order Megan Feldman Bettencourt’s new book, Triumph of the Heart: Forgiveness in an Unforgiving World.

http://meganfeldman.com/books/
As a trauma psychologist, I know how crucial forgiveness is to every part of our life cycle. Give yourself that gift.
Many blessings, and thanks to my daughter for writing this important book.
Gail

Georgia O’Keefe said, “The days you work are the best days.” She was referring to her art, of course, which was her passion. In this New Year, let’s begin to view all of our work as our art. In doing so, every activity in which we invest our passionate energy will become our personal creativity.

In my book, From Crisis To Creativity, now in its third edition, I define creativity as “the art of growing self-expression.” In every way that we express an idea, a thought, a plan, a feeling, we give someone – including ourselves – a gift.

Mexican artist Frida Kahalo painted her first significant self-portrait following an accident that nearly killed her. She gave the lovely Italian Renaissance-style painting to her boyfriend, so that he would always remember her. This gift to her first love was an obvious memento. The gift to herself was less obvious, but more profound. It was a declaration that she had survived. After this, Kahalo chose to be a painter rather than a doctor. Following each of more than thirty operations, she made bold representations of herself, each one nearly shouting that she lived, despite her wounds and her physical and emotional pain. She lived and lives on through her gifts of art.
Businesswoman Ruth Handler is best known for creating Barbie and Ken, teenage stars of her mega-toy company, Mattel. In the 1970s, she survived a radical mastectomy from breast cancer, and from her grief came the idea for a comfortable, natural breast prosthesis. She worked with technicians from her company to create the “Nearly Me” line of breast replacements and from her vision manifested a gift to many other women.
Sarah Dixon studied to be a teacher. This young woman was born with spina bifida and hydrocephalus, genetic problems that gave her parents little hope that she would live to adulthood. Like Frida Khalo, Sarah has had thirty operations to restore physical functions. She now lives, works, studies, and even completed a trip around the world. Sarah reminds us to respect every life experience for its inherent growth and creative potential. Her life and poetry exemplify the “determined overcoming” which is the hallmark of the resilient and creative person.
Near the end of writing From Crisis To Creativity, I meditated about whether the book contained enough inspirational stories and useful information. The message I received was, “Enjoy the light that you create. Search no further to find brilliance outside of yourself. The light, the love, that you create every single day, from within and in interaction with others, will nourish you and bring you joy.”
So, in the second month of this New Year, turn within and trust that with mere intention you will manifest your gifts, your own brand of resiliency, brilliance and creativity.
The following questions might help you envision and clarify what you desire for this year:
What is Spirit’s Highest Vision for my life in 2015?
Who must I Become?
What must I Release?
What must I Embrace?
Is there anything else I need to Know at this time?

A NEW YEAR – A NEW LIFE!
This is literally true for me this year as my third grandson, Santiago, was born on January 6th – a new and precious life. Last year, however, 2014, marked the passing of my closest friend and colleague, Dr. Marcia Landau. Over forty years, she helped me through every loss and life change, large and small. Like a mother, sister, mentor and angel, her wisdom flowed freely, along with a loving, unwavering faith in me. I thought I’d never be able to face her death, but now I know she taught me so thoroughly to believe in myself that I internalized that belief. Her strengths are now my strengths.

“Your hand opens and closes, opens and closes. If it were always a fist or always stretched open, you would be paralyzed. Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding, the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as birds’ wings.” Rumi

Using that lovely metaphor, I can choose to open to all that was achieved and honor all that was lost in the past year, then let it go, feeling whole, grateful and complete. I can take hold of all that I wish to enjoy and achieve in this new year, and then release it to the Universe for manifestation, as I do my part to bring it forth.

So I choose to acknowledge the following achievements in this past year:

1. The first is in public speaking. In college, I was terrified to even announce my name, let alone ask questions in class. I never would have predicted that over the next years, I would have given over 100 talks in different types of venues and different parts of the world. Last year I spoke in San Diego, Albuquerque, Verona, Italy and Vienna, Austria. Not only were the talks well-received, I was blessed with being able to visit many cities in Europe on two different trips, both times enjoying the inspired art, amazing architecture and magnificent music.

2. The second area I acknowledge is in my professional coaching.

I reached a milestone in the number of my coaching clients, and their glowing testimonials provide proof that I’ve achieved a high level of competence and skill in helping them accomplish personal and professional goals with ease and velocity. My own coach has had to hold this vision for me, as I doubted my ability to develop such expertise, after so many years of single-minded focus on clinical psychology. (Thank you for your support and wisdom, Janis Pullen. Thank you for your persistence in learning, Gail Feldman)

3. The third area is foundational. In order to achieve all that I have in my career, I’ve had to learn to love myself. I mean really love myself! That required many creative practices to stop judging myself harshly. My ego was skilled at holding me hostage to old false beliefs of not being “good enough, smart enough, deserving enough for _______________.”

Loving myself meant learning to forgive myself constantly for the misdemeanors, as well as the major “crimes” that would keep me ruminating and up at night. “How could I have said that? How could I have failed to notice what that person really needed? How could I be such an idiot? What did I do wrong that _______ doesn’t seem to want to see me anymore?”

I had to stop contracting; practice opening and expanding and letting those things go. And then love myself again in spite of, and because of, everything.

“My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.”

Ellen DeGeneres

What will you acknowledge and honor about 2014?
What can you release, bless and be complete with?

My daughter, Megan Feldman, is an award-winning journalist and the author of, Triumph of the Heart: Forgiveness in an Unforgiving World, which is coming out next year from Penguin.

Megan

Last month she gave a TEDx talk in Boulder, CO and it’s now posted on YouTube. It’s just 10 minutes long and you’ll be glad you watched it.
“Forgiveness in an Unforgiving World.” http://ow.ly/E2GLM
This is how her book came about:

Azim Khamisa, international peace activist and director of three foundations that teach non-violence and conflict resolution, was the feature of an article Megan wrote for Spirit Magazine two years ago. The story of how Azim forgave his son’s killer and went on to reach millions of middle and high school students around the world with his message of peace, forgiveness and reconciliation drew such huge response that New York publishers began asking her to write a book on this topic. And so, she birthed a book, and in January will give birth to a baby boy.
Following are excerpts from Azim’s November newsletter:“I dream of giving birth to a child who will ask, ‘Mother, what was war?'”

~ Eve Merriam“Santa is really the only cultural icon we have who’s male, does not carry a gun, and is all about peace, joy, giving, and caring for other people”

~ AnonymousI do believe in the understanding that we are one human race. In spite of the color of our skin, our religious orientation, our socioeconomic status, our gender, or sexual orientation, or our nationality, we can get that we are ONE human race and ONE global family! If we don’t get that, we will never get to peace. And what is more important than getting to peace?

It would be the most cherished gift of any holiday season.
I am very saddened that 22 veterans commit suicide every day. On this Veterans Day first and foremost let us pray for the souls of these men and women, and let us pray for their families so they may have the strength to continue in the absence of their loved ones.

Veterans need much more help. They need to be acknowledged as the heroes of our society. There needs to be substantially more effort in helping and caring for them in a meaningful way.
I have often wondered how to bring my message of self-forgiveness to the veterans. This is important for them to learn and could potentially save the lives of many. However I have no connections into the military. If any of my readers have access to the military I would be happy to bring my work to the veterans. I do believe it has relevance to veterans who may be suffering as a result of the violence they experienced and perpetrated in the line of duty.

If you’d like to contact Azim, just go to www.azimkhamisa.com
Make a holiday season filled with Love!
Many Blessings,
Gail