(sung)
I'm not a Frankenstein,
I don't indulge in hijinks
Or tomfoolery!

I'm not a Frankenstein,
I don't believe in mummies,
Ghosts, or Ghoulery!

I deal in fact not fiction,
I am a scientist,
I live for truth and reason,
That's the reason I exist

(spoken)
There is a vast difference between my crazy grandfather's delusional experiments and my own devotion to pure science. Which
leads us directly to the subject of today's lecture.

(sung)
The brain!
There is nothing like the brain
Hearts and lungs are simply tinker toys
When stacked against the brain!

Insane!
I'm insane about the brain!
No invention in the universe
Is equal to the brain!

The mouth's a marvel
When it comes to eating,
I've nothing against the womb,
I thank the bladder
When I'm excreting,
And I always give the elbow room!

But the brain!
Please allow me to explain,
There's no organ can compare to it,
I swear to it, it's plain,
It's the brain . . .

(spoken)
Mr. Hilltop here, with whom I have never worked nor given any prior instruction to, has graciously offered his services for
this afternoon's demonstration.

(sung)
His medulla oblongata,
Tells his brain stem that it's gotta

Send an impulse full of data
Which creates a lotta pain.

His frontal lobe gets busy

With a thought that makes him dizzy,
Puts his cortex in a tizzy,
So he never will complain,
That's what I love about the brain!

(spoken)
Mr. Hilltop, will you raise your left knee, please. You have just witnessed a voluntary nerve impulse. Mr. Hilltop, you
may lower your knee. Reflex movements, on the other hand, are those which are made independently of the will. Why you dirty
rotten yellow son-of-a-bith!

MR. HILLTOP:
Ooooh!

FREDERICK:
Even though I almost kneed him
His reflexes have no freedomm
to react when I mistreat him,
It's important I explain
Synaptic nerve connection
Goes its way without detection
Bringing cranial protection
In a never-endinig chain!
That's what I love about the brain!

(spoken)
But what if we were to block those nerve impulses by simply aplying local pressure . . . . . . which can be done with any
ordinary metal clamp, just at the swelling of the posterior nerve root . . . for say, oh, four seconds . . . . . . Why you
mother-grabbing bastard! As you can see, even though I have just smashed my knee into his crotch, he does not react. He
feels absolutely nothing.

MR. HILLTOP:
Mmmm . . .

FREDERICK:
More or less. So if it were not for this continuous stream of motor impulses from the brain, we would collapse . . . . . .
like a bunch . . . of . . . broccoli!

MR. HILLTOP:
Oooooh!

FREDERICK (sung):
And in conclusion,
So there's no confusion,
Let me say it once again,
Though your genitalia
Has been known to fail ya,
You can bet your ass on the brain!

(spoken)
Everybody!

STUDENTS (sung):
The brain!
There is nothing like the brain!
It's the king of our anaotomy
And ever shall it reign!