6 Jan 2010

LOOK! IT'S SNOWING AND SHIT!!!!

After complaining in my last post about being back at school I have been granted a heavenly gift.

A snow day.

Indeed so bad is the weather in my part of the world that I have also been given tomorrow off.

I live in the middle of nowhere so there is no possibility of me going and doing anything constructive (as I type my car is being buried by snow) and as such, there is very little I can do.

Basically it boils down to two options:

I could get on with lots of work like a real grown up. I could ensure that my planning is done, reports written and emails sent off in a diligent, professional sort of way.

Or I could go out in the snow, run around like a child with ADHD kicking snow drifts and throwing snowballs before heading down to the pub to start drinking at two in the afternoon.

I'm not going to lie to you, it was a tough choice.

It may be difficult for some of you who deal with lots of snow on an annual basis to truly appreciate how completely mental the British go when there is a bit of snow. To give you an idea it's like there is pure amphetamine being sprinkled from the sky and we, as a nation, go off our collective nut.

But alas, as with any illicit pleasure there is the inevitable comedown. We are so woefully unprepared for this type of weather that our roads look like ski runs, schools close (hooray...ahem...I mean...oh fuck it, hooray!), the emergency services tell you that they are only coming if there is a absolute certainty that you are going to die and the news suggests that leaving the house will result in you being killed in a pointless yet amusing fashion. Like slipping on ice, falling into a ravine and being eaten by a polar bear. A polar bear with swine flu. No, a gay polar bear with swine flu and a fucking machine gun. Yeah. That's right. Don't want that now do you. Stay inside and watch News 24 for updates on marauding homosexual polar bears with guns and who are actually the original source of swine flu. And now to sport.

I'd imagine this is how sub-Saharan Africa would feel if they had one of our summers.