Saturday, June 20, 2009

One day melds into the next, separated only by the changing of faces nearby that I soon forget; the different meals that I barely remember eating; the number of times I become sick with the realization that my Daddy won't ever walk through our front door again. Each day I must ask the person nearest me a hundred times..."What day is today?"

But it really doesn't matter. I really don't care.

Someday I may be able to speak of the man we called "Daddy" and the deep love we held for him. Someday I may be able to share a little more about these times and the life we are now required to lead. I'm really not sure when that might be. In the meantime, know that the knowledge of having your thoughts and prayers has blessed me so much.

I have decided to schedule a number of posts I had previously written to "self-publish" from time to time in an effort to continue my blog, in some sort of way or another, for now. With our future so uncertain, my plans for songs I sing remain shaky at best.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

It has taken me more than a week to work up enough courage to sit down at the computer and write this post. I've panicked every time I've contemplated it. My chest tightens and I can hardly bear to breathe, let alone type out the words that explain a fact that I wish--more than anything I've ever wished--wasn't true. Writing them here only seems to make a horrible, horrible thing more real to me.

My dearest Daddy was killed in a tragic accident last week. Even now, I can hardly believe that it is true. I find myself still waiting to hear his footstep at the door; still expecting to see his face or hear the low hum of his voice at any moment.

My heart is broken...I know that my life will never again be the same.

I hope that someday I may be able to speak of him--to remember him--without this sharp, stabbing pain searing through every inch of me. For now, it is much, much too hard. My only hope is to get away, and for a little while...try to forget.

I don't know how we will live without him. I don't think that I can, and I know that I don't want to. My family, my world is shattered. He was our hero, our comforter, our everything...