The Legend of the Co-Host

Carol Vorderman is leaving Countdown after umpty-six years. The Guardian’s report has the sub-head “Game show’s legendary co-host to quit quiz show .”

See? I am not making this up.

Ah, yes. In a future unimaginable to us now, when men, women and harthjiggata mutants huddle for warmth around camp fires on planets yet uncharted and wait for their dilithium crystals to recharge, they will while away the lonely night until the rise of the second sun with tales of the legendary co-hosts. They will talk of Ed “Heeeeere’s Johnny!” McMahon, of Anthea “Give us a twirl” Redfern, and of Gaby “pretending Chris Evans is funny” Roslin. But a hush will fall when the Vord is named. For she was the co-host’s co-host. The co-host who knew her seventy-five times tables; the co-host who could be in a studio with Ann Widdecombe, Paul Burrell or James Whittaker without vomiting on camera; the co-host whose picture was on everything from detox guides to Sudoku collections. She was Legend.