How To Celebrate This Fourth Of July Like A Celebrity

If we’re being honest, the celeb-iest thing to do in the true spirit of Fourth of July would be to get a legal emancipation either to skirt child labor laws or escape drug-addicted famewhore parents. What better way to pay homage to the Founding Fathers, I ask you? But hopefully your childhood was slightly more well-adjusted than that, and you were thinking something more along the lines of catered barbeques and Malibu beaches and yachts. If that’s the case, you’ve come to the right place.

Last year on the Fourth, celebs like Bradley Cooper and Jessica Alba partied with friends and loved ones, Reese Witherspoon and Gwen Stefani attended parades with their little guys, Nick Cannon served as Grillmaster at Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest, Sofia Vergara and Katie Perry tweeted bikini pics, and Matthew McConaughey stretched his shirtless streak to 894 consecutive days.

What did I do? I…honesty don’t remember. Well this year, that changes. Time to celebrate the American dream by emulating some of the people contributing to the corruption of American youth and cultural decline of Western civilization! Yeah!

From attire to behavior to tweeting to possible radical surgery, we present to you a step-by-step guide to celebrating like a celeb this Independence Day.

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