Throwing

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Why toddlers throw things

Throwing things is a new and enjoyable skill for many children between 18 months and 3 years of age. It takes well-developed fine motor skills to open your fingers and let go of an object, and considerable hand-eye coordination to actually throw it. No wonder your toddler wants to practise this exciting skill!

What happens next is educational, too. Your toddler discovers that whatever she throws falls down, never up. She can't say "gravity", but she can certainly observe its effects. If she throws a ball, it bounces and if she tosses a plum, it goes splat. Of course, for you it's maddening when spaghetti ends up all over your just-mopped kitchen floor or a clean dummy lands on a dirty pavement, but to your toddler it's all great fun.

What you can do about throwing

Unless your toddler's throwing a rock through a window or in danger of hurting someone, try not to make too much of a fuss. It's futile to try to stop your child from throwing things at this age. Concentrate instead on limiting what she throws and where she throws it with these tips.

Show her what she can throw
Your toddler will learn what not to throw more quickly if there are lots of things that she is allowed to throw. Balls are an obvious choice (stocking up on foam balls will minimise accidents indoors). But actual throwing games like tossing beanbags into a basket or skipping stones on a pond are even more fun for a two-year-old, especially if you do it with her. The message you want to convey is that throwing things is fine as long as she throws the right things in the right place at the right time. When she throws something inappropriate, such as a shoe, calmly take it away from her and say, "Shoes aren't for throwing, but balls are." Then give her a ball to play with.

Discourage aggressive throwing
What should you do when your toddler does throw something she shouldn't — sand from the sandpit, for instance, or toys at another child? As much as possible, try to ignore it the first few times it happens. If she knows she can get your attention by throwing something she shouldn't, she's likely to do it again.

If your child often comes close to hurting other children by throwing things at them, try to always react in the same way. Toddlers learn through repetition. The next time she does it say, "No, that hurts," and pull her away from the action for a moment. This calls attention to the "no" and removes her from the situation so she can make a fresh start.

If you notice that she throws things at other children when she gets angry, encourage her to express herself with words instead. Say, "If you're angry at Emily, use your words," or, "You tell me when you feel angry." It's OK to let her know you're unhappy with her behaviour by your tone of voice, just don't let your anger determine your response. Try not to shout at your child, and never hit her — even if it's just her hand — to discourage her from throwing.

If she persists in throwing things in a hurtful manner, you may have no choice but to keep an eagle eye on the toys she plays with for a while, and to shadow her while she plays with them.

Fasten her toys to her seat
When she's in her buggy or car seat, try attaching a few playthings within easy reach. Tie the toys with short pieces of string and trim the ends so they can't get wrapped around her neck. She'll quickly discover that, as well as throwing the objects, she can fish them back again. Double the fun for her, half the work for you!

Tidy up together
Don't ask your toddler to pick up everything she throws, as it's probably too much for her at this age. Instead, try getting down on your hands and knees together and enlisting her help by saying, "Let's see how fast we can pick up the blocks together," or "Can you help me find all the yellow blocks?"

Set a good example
You don't have to avoid casually tossing a pillow on the sofa to set a good example for your toddler. In fact, you can use the items you normally toss around your home to show her what's good to throw and what's not. The next time she throws something she shouldn't, take a tour of your house together and toss socks into the laundry basket, tissues in the wastebin and toys in the toy box instead.

Sit with her at mealtimes
This is a messy eating stage, but you can often avoid the worst of it by sitting down with your toddler while she eats. That way you're right there to gently but firmly tell her no when she goes to toss her lunch in the air and to hold her plate down with your hand if need be.

Use toddler-proof dishes
Never use your fine china to feed your toddler. Instead, try using a special toddler dish with plastic "suckers" that fasten to the table or highchair tray so she can't pick it up. Keep in mind though that while these are enough to prevent a casual grab-and-chuck they won't stop a child who's amazed to find her dish "stuck" and is determined to pry it off.

Stick to small portions
You'll waste less and your toddler will have less ammunition if you serve her tiny portions of finger foods. Don't serve her any more until she's eaten what's there. Most toddlers don't start throwing their food until they've finished eating and are bored. No matter how much she's eaten, take your toddler's food-flinging as a sign that she's finished her meal, and remove her from the table or her highchair. If a bit of food does escape her hands, either by accident or on purpose, try to keep it in perspective. A dropped slice of bread or a bit of grated cheese on the floor may be annoying, but we all drop things sometimes.

Last reviewed: July 2010

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Comments

My 2yo boy has thrown everything that goes in his hand since he was able to pick things up. He does it for fun, in excitement & in frustration, just everything. No amount of firm no's, taking things away, explaining, removing from the situation, nothing works. It's the most maddening thing in the world. I'm just hoping he eventually grows out of it!

My 30 month old has the annoying habit of throwing everything on the floor. If she gets a box of toys out they all get emptied onto the floor and left. If I stack washing on the bed all the piles get thrown down. This is driving me mad! I really can't turn my back for two minutes otherwise the whole house looks like it's been ransacked.

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