“The L Word” Recaps 4.9 “Lacy Lilting Lyrics”

Exits: Kit knows how to make them dramatic, in a totally lackadaisical way.Sprung: The fate of lovely, lissome ladies as spring draws nigh.Words: What Tasha doesn’t need — but knows how to use.

THIS WEEK’S GUEST-BIANS: Karina Lombard sets the stage; Cybill Shepherd swoops in for a hug; Kristanna Loken stands by her woman; Eric Roberts is evil; Bruce Davison crashes and cries.

Some L-words — Marina is in a top hat and is surrounded by women. (What else is new?) The women — or, more specifically, dancers — are in a sort of Busby Berkeleykaleidoscope-of-girls arrangement. It’s like 1930s Hollywood has slipped through a burlezque looking glass.

Marina is spouting L-words: “lovely, lissome ladies; lecherous, leering lotharios; love is in the air.” You may not be familiar with this sort of love, says emcee Marina, but it can alter your world. Yeah, that’s what you told Jenny, and look how she turned out.

So I guess this is the dance troupe Marina’s touring with. The dancing is provocative and enchanting, but Marina’s weird, Laurie Anderson-ish manner of speaking is freaking me out a little.

A studio lot — Tina is trying to convince Jenny of someone’s credentials.

Tina: He’s made three Hollywood hits. Blue Crush, Into the Blue — he’s fantastic.Jenny: Isn’t Into the Blue, like, about somebody showing their ass on a beach or something?Tina: What? No. Did you see Crazy/Beautiful?Jenny: No.Tina: Kirsten Dunst. She’s phenomenal in it.Jenny: So?

Heh. Yeah, that’s my reaction to Kirsten Dunst too. Also, Jenny, that is a great synopsis of Into the Blue.

Tina insists that the guy is qualified. Jenny — who is wearing her bug-eye sunglasses again — says she doesn’t want to feel “shushed” in this process and wants to make sure her voice is heard. Tina sort of shushes her anyway as they go to meet the so-called fantastic director.

The director, John Stockwell, says he loves to explore “subcultures” and thinks Jenny did an amazing job bringing her subculture to life. You know: The morphing-into-a-fly subculture. Tina is clearly still part of that.

They talk about how Jenny’s such a visual writer and Stockwell’s such a visual director. Jenny is getting good at this schmoozing stuff, which should scare her, but she probably doesn’t even notice.

The director suggests starting with extreme close-ups of body parts, specifically, “Jessie” and “Karina’s” body parts while they’re f—ing. Jenny doesn’t like that because you’re not supposed to know right away that Jessie and Karina are going to get together.

Stockwell suggests that the two actresses actually have sex rather than fake it. Well, why not, since we’re using the name Karina?! This is all getting very real indeed. Where’s the fourth wall when you need it?

Tina: Isn’t that pornography?Stockwell: Why? Pornography is when there’s no story. This has a great story. I just am trying to find a way to make it different, to make it stand out. I think the MPAA would allow us to get away with it because there’s no penetration … well, there’s penetration, but there’s no … you know, there’s no consummation. I mean, no … um, insemination, no fornication.Jenny: Ewww.

First, if pornography is when there’s no story, what do you call it when there’s a story but an extremely jumpy camera? Because I’m getting seasick.

Second, since when is the MPAA lesbian-friendly? They’re the reason I had to buy the Canadian version of When Night Is Falling, and that didn’t even show much.

And finally, you suck. This is much worse than “ewww”; you’ve just declared lesbian sex inauthentic, like so many men before you — and the word you were looking for there was “penis.” Never mind whether there’s penetration or consummation or whatever: There’s no penis. That’s how we like it.

The scene ends before we can hear more of Jenny’s thoughts on all of this. And Tina’s remarks, given her political identity and her sexual eventualities, would have been especially interesting. But it’s OK; as long as the director takes that hopping handheld camera with him, I’m happy.