Life as it comes

Monthly Archives: March 2014

My love life is pretty much non existent. I shouldn’t complain due to the fact that my availability is next to none. However, I just attended a wedding…in fact, I’ve been attending weddings for three weekends in a row- and it almost starts getting to you. I am finding myself missing that “special” someone- which is odd because I don’t even have anyone that I remotely like.

There was this one guy (who shall remain unanimous) that I was really into. He knew of my existence and that was pretty much it (we talked a FEW times). I always fall for the guys that end up leaving to another state =( – and that is not even the worst part…I start to imagine what could have been or how it could be if X ever came back. Anyway, I fall in love all by myself (loser status) because I meet someone and then I based our “future” love on those few encounters. I guess I am a hopeless romantic….gross- just a weirdo…yea, that fits me way better.

Can I just clarify that I am pretty normal…?

That guy actually got married not too long ago, and surprisingly I was pretty bummed about it (that sadness lasted about as long as a Lana Del Rey song)

Anyhow, back to my love fest. I am currently under the impression that I will remain single forever-and when I think about it… I don’t really mind (MOST of my best friends are single too) I guess its just all of those weddings with the “gaga eyes, dazzling smiles, that hopeless romantic kind of gross look people have when they are in love” that are tugging at my heart…do I really want to be single forever?

I’m sorry I keep bringing up my failure, but its almost like therapy for me to talk about it. It actually makes me feel better. The first day of class was yesterday and most of my classmates know I failed- at least I think they do. Anyhow, that doesn’t matter because they will eventually all know when next semester comes and I am nowhere to be found. I was feeling rather sad yesterday when I was watching them interact with one another- I was observing and I was feeling almost like I wasn’t part of them. Right then and there I decided that I was not going to let that happen. I will be even friendlier and try to make the best of my time with them. I am currently in the classroom with a classmate waiting for class to start while everyone else is eating (not a good start, but it’ll get better). I really do believe that this will be a great finish to my semester.

Needless to say that I’ve been feeling very sad. However, my personality does not permit me to give up. Plus, my parents were incredibly encouraging. Today as I was getting out of work and going to my next shift, I had this spur of hope. I didn’t expect it, and it only grew stronger. As I was going through my phone pictures & I wish I could show you, but I found a picture of my hand grabbing a “petal” (not sure what to call it) of this type of flower.

I remember I was feeling discouraged my first semester of Nursing school and I saw one of these “petals” dancing in the air. It just came to me and I held it between my forefinger and thumb and I remember that I felt hopeful, and I took a picture of it because it brightened up my day.

So I started to think and I came to the conclusion that I will be a nurse. It’s just going to take a little longer than originally planned, but that is okay. Because I am young and I believe in my self. My friends and parents believe in me and I will succeed and travel the world as I help those around me.

On a side note:

Have you ever seen the movie Beauty and the Beast? What am I asking…of course you have! where there is this scene where Belle is singing and this Fluffy flower, besides hope, reminds me of this scene

I saw my grade and the whole total grade was a 300 instead of the 230 that I had been basing my current grade on. I am not sure how that happened, but the thing here is that I have indeed failed. I did the math and I got a 76%I needed a 77% to pass (or was it a 78?-Its all a blur right now….literally.) Anyhow, since I didn’t pass Adult Health (ADH), I will be taking Med-surge clinicals again, I guess they go hand in hand. In all honestly though I wasn’t doing so well on my written exams (for the clinical/lab portion), but I was doing great on my hands on experience portion…so I guess that is why I will have to retake the clinical portion of it…I am a horrible test taker.

I currently am living at home and I don’t know how I will tell my parents- I hate the idea of disappointing them- I think if someone asks me what my biggest fear is, it would be just that…disappointing my parents.

I am so incredibly sad right now, and yes I was totally crying. When I saw my grade I wasn’t surprised though, so I guess my subconscious saw this coming- I was hoping for the best.

Right now I have to consult student handbook (where do I get that?) to begin the petition process to, hopefully, petition into Summer 14 ADH.
HOPEFULLY I can start this summer (and get more in debt) and pass AND more importantly jump back into my place for Spring 2014 with my wonderful VA Cohort family.

If you read my previous post you are aware of the situation I am in. I took my final for Adult Health and I want to say that I feel good about it, but not good enough to know if I passed. Its definitely another episode of Pharmacology ( I just hope it has the same ending). I studied all weekend and I studied till 5 this morning ( probably shouldn’t have done that…).

Naturally, after a big final our class went down for lunch (around 10 am) and we had a good time. I have to admit that what I am feeling is strange. Last year when I went through the same scenario (some people just done learn) I was having trouble breathing. Now, I have a pain on my chest and I feel an odd sense of stiff relaxation. I have to consciously breath too- apparently I forget to breath because I find myself taking taking deep breathes.

One my close friends invited me to go out for a couple of drinks and at the time I wanted to go out and have a bit of stress free fun, but I am now feeling exhausted and I have another assignment to do.

I think I will go out for a run to just calm myself down & hope for the best-
Because at this point that is all I can do.