Great geek debates: Pirates vs Ninja

The Pirates vs Ninja discussion goes back many years in the geek community. It may not be a hardcore geek debate, but there has been plenty of discourse. The devoted Pirates have always had a long time rivalry with the equally devoted Ninja. Pirates hate Ninja, Ninja hate Pirates. This is not a clash that is without rhetorical bloodshed. Recently I was listening to a podcast at Hipsterplease.com and discovered there is even a Nerdcore Pirates vs Ninja rivalry. That was enough motivation for me.

Since it's evident to most that Ninja would easily defeat Pirates in a one-on-one battle to the severe and brutal but mercifully quick death, I decided to take the debate to a higher level. I'll be considering other overall factors than just the ability to kill in battle. Oh, and Ninja is the correct plural form of the word, according to the Japanese – who should know.

History

The Ninja emerged to prominence in the 15th century, serving mostly as mercenary agents of espionage and as spies. Side jobs included those of assassin and terrorist. General sabotage and misdirection during battle were also tell-tale signs that a Ninja was nearby. However, their history is murky and difficult to trace. There are early signs of Ninja activity in the 5th and 6th centuries with the occasional recorded assassination. Ninjas were mostly recruited from the ditch, that is – poor people. And In those days, not much ink was wasted telling tales of the poor, hence, little actual or factual history exists.

However, this lack of data allows for the history of the Ninja to be appropriately shrouded in mystery. The secret assassin, appearing from the shadows and disappearing just as quickly with nary a wisp of air to show the Ninja was there. On the other sword, Pirates have a rich and storied history with many fantastic tales and stories surrounding the scurvy raiders of the sea. If a pirate enters a room, you'd know it. There's no mistaking that stench.

Piracy has been going on for centuries. There are written accounts going back as far as 1350 BC in ancient Egypt describing plundering of merchant vessels by flagless ships. The Romans and Greeks faced piracy as well. The Vikings were essentially Pirates, except much larger and with better armour. The Ming Dynasty was a very busy time for Chinese pirates, with much history and lore being written about them. However, the era you are probably most familiar with (and the era within which most pirate movies are set) is referred to as the Golden Age of Pirates, which ran from the late 1600's to the mid 1700's.

Although myth still surrounds Pirate history, buccaneers nevertheless have a far more storied and colourful history than Ninja, which is shrouded in the darkness. This category goes to the Pirates. Score one for Pirates.

Training

Ninja training wasn't easy: it was more than just physical training, it was psychophysical. They had to train their minds as well as their bodies, if not more. Using methods of concentration such as Zen-Buddhism, Ninja were experts in concentration and perception. The Ninja had to redefine logic and conventional thinking. Training was intense and put the Ninja into direct conflict orientated situations. There were no practice rounds. It was all training from day one. This was continuity, every day – training. Moderation was also a key point to Ninja training, they were not allowed anything that would deter from their training, including sex and alcohol. That's just the mental training.

The physical training was a different kind of intensity. The Ninja has to be in top physical form at all times, aiming for a mastery of balance, stealth and all that flipping and jumping around. The Ninja had to be a master of stress and conditioning, as well as being able to stand still for long periods of time without doing anything to give away his position. Not to mention the level of respect and discipline involved between a Ninja and his master.

While there was a hierarchy and level of respect demanded by the Captain, there was no formal training to be a pirate. If you Google for "Pirate Training" you'll find a ton of games. Search for "Ninja Training" and you'll find Ninja Training. Pirate training didn't exist, besides training their livers to consume copious amounts of rum. Ninja easily takes this category. Chalk up one for Ninja.

Weaponry and killing style

Ninja were not short on weapons. Besides their hands and feet being deadly weapons, the Ninja had a virtual laundry list of other fun and sharp pointy things to kill someone with. From swords, foot and knuckle spikes, throwing stars, iron whips, smoke bombs, batons, Kamas, Sais, spikes, nunchucks and even utility belts. The Ninja was trained on the full and deadly usage of every single weapon in his arsenal.

The Ninja killed with stealth and precision. If you were in a fight with a Ninja, in most cases you wouldn't know it until you tasted your own blood as it bubbled up from the gaping hole in your throat. Unless a Ninja was facing an army of Samurai (or zombies), it was rare for the Ninja to engage in a bar room type brawl. The Ninja was a silent killer and a formidable enemy.

If you were in a fight with a pirate, you'd know it. There'd be more than one of them, swords would be swinging around with reckless abandon and the smell of gunpowder would be in the air. The slight advantage that Pirates have over Ninja comes in the form of the flint lock powder rifle or pistol. When gunpowder was invented for all-purpose use, in particular for use in guns, the Pirate's ability as effective killers multiplied tenfold – although that went right back down when you took into account things like lack of training and sobriety.

Pirates fought dirty, that fact is well known. There was no code of ethics when it came to engaging the enemy and killing them. You'd much rather die at the hands of a Ninja than at the grubby hands of a Pirate. However, as one of my friends mentioned, "Pirates, they have guns, and they're on a boat, bitch." This category goes to the Ninja as the Ninja was a far more efficient killer. Faced with a Pirate ship full of sailors, cannons and guns, a lone Ninja would kill them all while they slept. For absolute superiority in this category, Ninja get two points.

Pop culture

How many Ninja movies have you watched lately? While plenty have been released over the years, such as Zombie vs. Ninja, the Samurai have received the red carpet treatment with regards to mainstream films. The Ninja have made their way into the mainstream consciousness though when it comes to games and toys, just as much as Pirates. Pirates easily steal the film medium though, with the recent Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy.

Pirates have shown up in musicals, but there's not much to sing about Ninjas. In other media, a certain Ninja has made for one of the best comics on the web, and Pirates have made for great subject material when it comes to the literary world. Not to mention Talk Like a Pirate Day.

When it comes down to it though, I have to go with the Lego factor being the final word. Pirates have been a staple of the Lego universe for years and being a geek, Lego easily outweighs Snake Eyes as being high on the list of pop culture items in the geek universe. Pirates take this category and another point.

Conclusion

The final tally is Pirates two, Ninja three, so Ninja win by the width of a dagger's blade – which is sometimes all it takes. While this may come as no surprise to some, I was pretty sure I would be able to find a way to make the Pirate the winner, but as I neared the end of my analysis I could see that the Ninja was and is a superior agent of chaos. While the Pirate focuses on the unending search for treasure and wealth, the Ninja treats each mission independently and then silently moves to the next with nary a thought to anything beyond. Ninja have been rumoured throughout history as having taken down rulers with espionage and spying, while Pirates have been known for wreaking havoc and terror on the seas. It was a close one folks, without a doubt.

Clearly, a lot was left out (like Captain Morgan rum, Pirate lexicon, wenches & Killer Coding Ninja Monkeys to name a few) to keep this post below thesis category, so do me a favour and fill up the comments with whatever you think I missed or whom you think should have won.

Edited by Michael Conroy

Comments

My sister's 4 1/2 year old daughter knows that mommy (coast guard) is always gone because she lives on a boat that catches bad guys and saves fishermen.The other day she insisted that she needed a pirate hat so she could be a pirate like mommy.

So pirates win in our family...

me

Sep 11th 2009

you really are a moron arent you?

worst review ever.check out deadliest warrior on spike tv and you will see why the ninja is a bitch

nikk

Sep 11th 2009

In reply to nikk

Indeed. Can a ninja out maneuver a bullet? How about that pirates travel as a crew and ninja are lone mercenaries? As you had mentioned, ninja were hired by the poor who could not fight (way to take advantage) but pirates were the poor who fought for themselves. And how about that training? Ninja only had one master. Once their training was finished, it was often customary for a disciple to challenge the old master to a fight to the death, thus true succession &amp; singularity of his/her skills. How's that for a thank you? Pirates, on the contrary, saw mutiny as a grave occurrence. They held an unwritten code of ethics that was to be followed or consequences would ensue. Then there is the matter of assimilation. Eventually, pirates became privateers &amp; swore loyalty to a country, serving the interests of its gov't &amp; expanding the empires to newly discovered lands (thus America becomes a melting pot). You can't owe any of that to the small minded ninja. As for training, deduct fun points from the ninja for no sex, booze, or random acts of gratuitous violence. I must also note that women pirates have a solid place in the history books. Who are the women ninja again?

T3hR3dQu33n

Aug 8th 2011

This is total BS,

Its ovious in weaponry and killing style, both get a point.

Pirates had better weaponry, Ninjas had a better killing style.

Its ovious this writer was leaning towards the Ninja side, which means this article is bias and can be considered inaccurate.

Tyler

Sep 11th 2009

Well Google Mail has a Ninja theme but no Pirate theme so I think we know who they are supporting.

Simon MacDonald

Sep 11th 2009

Many of the pirates were ex-military, with combat training. So to portray them as a bunch of drunk, sword swinging savages does them a disservice.

And how bout them cannons?

Don

Sep 11th 2009

Which would you rather be?

A ninja: No sex, No booze, No glory, just silent discipline and the knowledge that you a the world's baddest MF... (except for maybe your master, and you know you're not allowed to brag)

Or

A Pirate: Who's life statement is "Take what you can, Give nothing back!" Also the inventors of the democratic form of election (look it up), a bad ass in and of your own right (Both allowed and encouraged to brag and lie about said badassedness) of course you get money, booze and sex whenever you want them, and as an added bonus when you get tired of some place you get on your boat and leave.

I'm gonna go with Pirate. (still a tough choice)

GulfCoastPirate

Sep 11th 2009

What about longevity? According to this article the Ninja way of life lasted a few centuries and died out long ago. Pirates have been around for millennia and continue to ply their trade to this day.

Gabriel Martiin

Sep 11th 2009

You be wrong matey! We pirates are capable of stealth as good as any pirate, i point ye to the antics of a certain Jack Sparrow, CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow that is!

I'm not sure I agree with your methods, but since I like your answer, stamp of approval, which for a ninja would probably mean you're dead.

You don't even see me coming.....

Sep 11th 2009

This was a complete waste of my time...

Grasshopper

Sep 11th 2009

Bah. A ninja is like mustard on an ice cream cone. It catches your eye at first, but in the end you are left with a bad taste in your mouth and the knowledge that you made a poor choice. And knowing is half the battle. The other half is rum and treasure! YARRR!

Ninjas? Give me a break. If I wanted to prance around in a uniform while doing high kicks, I would have joined the Village People. Lets see ... they dress in black, they work in silence, and they communicate with hand signals. That makes ninjas only a step or two away from mimes, and I'm pretty sure we all feel the same way about mimes.

To any ninja who is reading this: First of all, I can see you behind the bushes. Come out of there. You're only embarrassing yourself. Secondly, while you were sitting at home in the basement on prom night meditating with your buddies, us pirates were out painting the town red and scoring epic lootz! Which sounds better - doing some nunchucking moves with Gary (once his mom drops him off), or rum and babes? It's really a complex question with many factors to OF COURSE RUM AND BABES! Are you kidding me? So take your Naruto-wannabe team and practice all you want. But if yer still planning to enter the ring with a pirate, you might want to learn how to spell "seppuku" so you can save yourself the trouble.

You wanna know why pirates are the best? Because they ARRRRRRR !!

My name is redbeard_prime and I approve this message.- toobix.com -

redbeard_prime

Sep 11th 2009

It may be a bit esoteric, but you should factor in the daily quality of life. Yes, ninja are hyper-trained and can kill with a blade of grass, but are they happy? There's probably a lot of downtime between shogun assassinations, and it sounds like all that 'standing on branches' would get tiresome. Whereas living out the slow days on a boat in the Caribbean with barrels of rum and a group of your best thieving mates sounds like the way to go.

Urs

Sep 11th 2009

Arrr, tis' harder t' become a pirate.

It takes a minute t' become one, but a lifetime t' pro'e you be worthy o' the title.

Ahoy, pirates aren't trained but chosen. Wardogs forged in the hang from the yardarm o' battle.

Ninjas have masters and dojo. 's like a friggin degree.

E'erybody can be a good or decent ninja.

But the truth about pirate is the followin' :"Thar be no good pirates, thar be only old pirates."