Tuesday, January 27, 2009

What I really want to do is climb into bed, order room service, eat in my pjs and sleep until I have to get up at the crack of dawn for what I'm sure will be a 16 hour day and then some.

I'm trying to quickly find a song on youtube to get my ass in gear.

Greg Laswell? - I still love this track...but not quite ass kicky enough.Kanye? - Yeah. But I just don't have it in me to pull off the attitude this needs.Beyonce? - The earworm that I can't escape.Flight of the Conchords? - Ah...the sugar lumps.

J recently reminded me of my abiding love of the Buzzcocks. I can't find the worn out cassette tape (a copy) that I listened to on my Sony Walkman over and over back in the day...but I had a gift card to Barnes and Noble that was gathering dust, so I went and bought a Buzzcocks Greatest Hits CD...and it's like the decades just melt away.

Yeah. The Buzzcocks. That's the ticket. (Thanks, J. I owe you a drink.)

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Ten years ago this coming Easter, standing in the middle of a dirt farm in Tennessee, as pigs and turkeys ran around me, I made a snap decision that altered the course of my life.

I became a dog owner.

It's funny to think that there are a vast number of my friends who don't know me without Olive. It's been a decade with the beast and as much as I loathe when we play "I'm rolling the ball in a place that I'm unable to retrieve it, thusly you must get off your ass and get it for me," I do believe that this dog has brought myself and most folks who meet her - wait.

The ball is under the TV console. Faaaaahk.

Where was I?Oh yeah, she brings the sunshine.

So, here's to her.Twelve pounds of tenacity, neurosis and adorable.

May you live to have a creature bring as much sweetness into your world, as that ball of teeth and fluff has brought into mine.

10 Facts about Olive on her 10th birthday1) She does not like it when you touch her paws for any reason.2) She does not like it when you leave.3) She does not like it when you try to hide her ball because she rolled it under the cabinet for the 11,485th time that day.4) While her breed are known for being water dogs, she hates both the rain and baths.5) She, like most terriers, is extremely savvy and resourceful.6) She got into a nearly full bag of treats on Tuesday. On Wednesday, she spent the day taking a Marmaduke worthy crap (about 6 of them) in the bathroom. As I've told her more than once, "If you're going to shit in the house, shit on the linoleum." I appreciated her thought...wait.

Ball.

7) I don't know the actual day she was born. I forgot to ask the Amish folks that I procured her from. When I got her to the vet, he estimated her age and figured she was born in mid-January. Let me tell you, the Ides of March has nothing on Ides of January.8) Favorite food? Baked Acorn Squash. Watching her gnaw out a husk is a wonder to behold.9) While she is completely untrained, in her salad days, Olive performed or was featured in several shows in the off-loop Chicago theater scene, including:

The Armageddon Radio Hour (pic above) 2000-2004The Armageddon Radio Hour New Year's Eve 2000-2004The Gong Show (she was a popular judge) 2000-2005Leopold (featured - see pic below)

The SKALD (2006) - Told the heart-wrenching saga of her 11 day adventure as a lost dog.

Since September of 2000, Olive has been seen in no less thanfive productions in Chicago, including an open run of Armageddon Radio Hour, where she originated the role of Fineas McFineas. Olive is named after a cemetery inthe great state of Tennessee. Please don’t feed the diva.

She also holds the canine record for viewing DADA poetry. Word.

To all the folks who had Olive foisted upon them (never work with kids or animals!), not only did every single person handle it with aplomb, but with complete helpfulness for which I am ever grateful. If I never thanked you in person, please know that I have always appreciated any and all deference you showed that furball.

Finally, the only real fact you ever need to know about Olive is this,

10) Olive is a whore. In the best possible sense.She loves every one of you. If you visit, she will want to sleep on top of you and steal your blankets. Because she loves you. She'll want to play ball for 1286 hours. In a row.

She will snap your arm off like a twig if you even dare to play rope/tug with her. She wants you to rub her butt, her ears, her belly. She'll lay next to you or better still, nestle herself under your blanket.

All she wants is to be near you.For truly, she's the best kind of whore.The kind where your money's no good here.The kind who makes you pancakes the morning after.The heart of gold kind of whore.

Ok. I lied about the pancakes. But that dog is a whore from the word go.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Arg. This is about the 5th post I've attempted in the last week. I have so much to pontificate about, but my writing has been...well, I'm literally boring myself. Oof. Not good.

I'm sure I'll climb out of this wordless trench where hyperbole comes to die...but in the mean time....

I will share this much.

For 2009, I've decided that "I'm not a morning person" is just not cutting it anymore. So, I've embraced the life of a coffee drinker. I've spent my entire adult life avoiding the "coffee trap" and now, I'm diving in.

I'm not sure why I've been avoiding tea. It's like I feel like I'm cheating on my commitment to coffee. And somehow to drink coffee and tea seems at odds. Yeah. The caffeine is already doing a number on my reasoning and logic functions.

Post the first line from each month of your blog over the previous year.

I'm going a bit more indepth- because I find myself as facinating as you obviously do. I'm adding the title of the entry (note the parentheses) and linking to the full entry (hit the month), if you're curious to see where the stray thought ended up.

I'm a big believer in trying to create writing that is, what I like to call, "round." Meaning, no matter how tangental you get, you always attempt to come back around to your initial intent and finish your point/thought/idea.

I added the titles because I found them to be odd and amusing when you're just reading the first line. Also...I started the year over at vox and transitioned to blogger, so for a few months, I have two blog posts. Hell. Since I kept two going, I might as well get traction out of them.

JANUARY: (wtf) Truth be told, my karate has been in need of a good kick in the arse.

APRIL.vox: (grading on a curve) This morning I was driving into work (late) and caught an interview on WLUP with Alec Greven, a 3rd grade student in Denver, who penned the homework assignment, How To Talk To Girls, which was later turned into a book sold at the school book fair.APRIL: (elbow) I was born into a legacy of Beta over VHS.

MAY.vox: (nerd party) I think I've previously mentioned some of my friends and myself get together on Wednesday to partake in the nerd party that is Quizzo.MAY: (file under: wtf) I love kids.

JULY.vox: (arts is good food) My brain is breaking that it is July 8th.JULY: (WTF) My blood is boiling right now.

AUGUST.vox: (habits) My birthday is next week and although I am awash in riches of friends and home and really want for nothing to speak of (with the exception of winning the LOTTO that I never remember to play anyway)...I still feel a bit off about it.AUGUST: (shooting blancs) There is very little improvisation in Metaluna.

SEPTEMBER.vox: (still) My friend wrote, "I am sort of troubled by the fact that I didn't make any mention of September 11th - the DAY, The Anniversary - in my post. "SEPTEMBER: (humped) I just watched McCain.

NOVEMBER: (It's on like Donkey Kong) As I ponder what my experience might be tomorrow as a novice election judge, I'm torn between utter excitement at being part of the process (and a bit of history), and the idea of a day that starts at 4am and may end 15 or 16 hours later.

DECEMBER: (by the dashboard lights) A Poem to Celebrate our First Snow in the City.