OH, funny! Amy Koch is the erstwhile Senate Majority leader in Minnesota who resigned after admitting an “inappropriate relationship” with a staffer, all while being traditionally married. She is also an anti-gay politician, having been a leader of the effort to write marriage discrimination into Minnesota’s constitution. Realizing that gay and lesbians, and our marriages, are the cause of most traditional marriage problems, some of the gays in Minnesota have decided to apologize to Koch for ruining her marriage. Here is their letter:

An Open Apology to Amy Koch on Behalf of All Gay and Lesbian Minnesotans

Dear Ms. Koch,

On behalf of all gays and lesbians living in Minnesota, I would like to wholeheartedly apologize for our community’s successful efforts to threaten your traditional marriage. We are ashamed of ourselves for causing you to have what the media refers to as an “illicit affair” with your staffer, and we also extend our deepest apologies to him and to his wife. These recent events have made it quite clear that our gay and lesbian tactics have gone too far, affecting even the most respectful of our society.

We apologize that our selfish requests to marry those we love has cheapened and degraded traditional marriage so much that we caused you to stray from your own holy union for something more cheap and tawdry. And we are doubly remorseful in knowing that many will see this as a form of sexual harassment of a subordinate.

It is now clear to us that if we were not so self-focused and myopic, we would have been able to see that the time you wasted diligently writing legislation that would forever seal the definition of marriage as being between one man and one woman, could have been more usefully spent reshaping the legal definition of “adultery.”

Forgive us. As you know, we are not church-going people, so we are unable to fully appreciate that “gay marriage” is incompatible with Christian values, despite the fact that those values carry a biblical tradition of adultery such as yours. We applaud you for keeping that tradition going.

And finally, shame on us for thinking that marriage is a private affair, and that our marriage would have little impact on anyone’s family. We now see that marriage is more than that. It is an agreement with society. We should listen to the Minnesota Family Council when it tells us that marriage is about being public, which explains why marriages are public ceremonies. Never did we realize that it is exactly because of this societal agreement that the entire world is looking at you in shame and disappointment instead of minding its own business.

From the bottom of our hearts, we ask that you please accept our apology.

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15 Comments

Paul in CanadaDecember 22, 2011 at 2:19 pm -

LMFOA – made my day!

Paul in CanadaDecember 22, 2011 at 2:20 pm -

LMFAO – made my day!

MichaelDecember 22, 2011 at 3:48 pm -

Homophobia is a sin like lying, stealing and murder. Where there is homophobia, you will always find more sins. Sin begets sin, in this case, adultery. Instead of ripping apart loving gay families, radical anti-gay activist Koch needs to find Jesus!

Gary (NJ)December 22, 2011 at 4:23 pm -

LOL — Perfect!

Nick K.December 22, 2011 at 5:14 pm -

Wonderfully, written satire. I smiled. I chuckled. Then I thought, “Jeez, this is so wonderfully written. But how long before some rightwing asshat over at CNB or Focus on the Family posts this to their website and states that this is authentic?” Sadly, recognizing satire is not one our enemies’ strong suits. Sigh….

Richard RushDecember 22, 2011 at 6:21 pm -

Let’s stop picking on Amy. She was just trying her best to protect the traditional sanctity of adultery. It’s served us well for thousands of years, so why mess with it?

John PatrickDecember 22, 2011 at 7:10 pm -

I love it!

dawnDecember 22, 2011 at 9:21 pm -

very funny!!!!!!

DonDecember 23, 2011 at 2:09 am -

As a straight man, my opinion on gay marage is rarely asked, for fear, I suppose, I would be opposed. Far from it, and when I see someone like this get a dose, I smile wide. Too funny, and she deserves it.

Dan RaffertyDecember 23, 2011 at 9:56 am -

Couldn’t have said it better! I sure hope she sees how many of us support and back this letter of apology. I too would like to extend my deepest apology for Ms. Koch straying from her sacred vows and not only throwing a wrench into her own relationship but also for robbing another innocent family of their sacred vows….

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