Hurricane Irene is churning up the East Coast like an angry 17th-century dairy maid. Obama has canceled his vacation to make us feel safe and evacuations are underway in New York City. Here's the latest news, with updates below.

President Obama will end his Martha's Vineyard vacation a day short and return to Washington,…
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Apparently MSNBC contributor Toure X just called Hurricane Irene a "total bitch." He was trying to be funny, but must have just read the first dumbass hurricane tweet he stumbled upon on his iphone? We'll have video shortly, hopefully.

Atlantic City is closing its casinos for just the third time in the city's history. This means the Hurricane is serious, because you do not get between gambling addicts and their video poker. Look for angry elderly people to charge the hurricane with their walkers.

As of this writing, Hurricane Irene is currently a high-end Category 2 storm off the southern coast of North Carolina, with gusts of wind up to 125 mph. It's expected to make landfall around 8am Sat. morning.

Obama has cut his Martha's Vineyard vacation short to personally blow the hurricane off track with his own lungs.

If you're flying in the Northeast this weekend, it might be best to go outside with a golf umbrella and let the hurricane blow you away. Hundreds of flights have been cancelled up and down the East Coast.