Thursday, 3 November 2011

The Sexy Fingernail Hypothesis

The exact same subject has come up a couple of times this week. The subject of fingernails. Lesbian fingernails. Okay that sounds a bit weird, but hear me out.

You must have all had the experience where you’re trying to figure out if someone’s a lesbian and people list a number of immensely stereotypical points to decide this mystery lady’s gayness. You know the sort of things. Short hair. Flat shoes. Thumb rings. Rainbow paraphernalia stuck everywhere. An abundance of feline friends in her flat. And of course, short fingernails.

Understandably we lady-lovers need to maintain a certain level of fingernail grooming. Heaven forbid we end up like those aforementioned vag-massacring straight girl dykes in porn movies. So, short fingernails are an essential. Just like shaved legs.

(As I’m typing this, I realise my legs are not shaven and my nails are kinda long...... Oh T is lucky to have me!)

Whilst sat in a bar the other day T, myself and our friend S somehow got onto the topic of lesbians and their short fingernails. I dunno, maybe conversation was running a bit dry that day. Who knows. Whilst discussing the importance of maintaining short claws, S quite gladly declared her nails were long and who gives a toss, as she is presently not getting laid. A good point. Why waste time with such maintenance when you’re just not getting any?

This led to a new conclusion. A new theory if you will. Groundbreaking really.

Hypothesis: It is scientifically possible that one can determine the length of time since a lesbian last had sex based on the length of her fingernails.

Is this true? Maybe I need to conduct some research into this. Though maybe I’d look like a bit of a freak asking people about their sex lives before whipping out a ruler.