Can a Person With Bipolar Have a Successful Relationship?

It’s constantly contemplated whether or not bipolar disorder and relationships can successfully work. I personally believe that individuals who have bipolar disorder, or any mental illness for that matter, have the same amount of risk in relationships as those who do not live with a mental illness. Here’s why:

First of all, most people who live with mental illness, myself included, tend to have a negative self-image which can make them ultimately feel undesirable and develop constant worries and fears in relationships, …but guess what? People who don’t live with a mental illness can have those very same feelings and worries in relationships and in general too. As I’ve mentioned many times before, we are never alone in the ways we feel. It’s human to have feelings and emotions, but look at it this way, people with bipolar disorder tend to feel those emotions at a different extremity and more often. This doesn’t mean that people with bipolar can’t be involved in successful or happy relationships even though there may be very difficult and strenuous times, but this is true with any couple. Same goes for the bipolar disorder and having children debate as well. As humans, even with a mental illness, we have the potential and the right to be involved in relationships and have children. The debate whether or not individuals with mental illness are capable to successfully be in relationships or have children should not be an issue. They are still capable of being good spouses and parents. Those who don’t have a mental illness have the same amount of risk of making mistakes in relationships and in parenting. We are all human.

With bipolar disorder, individuals tend to experience periods of alternating highs and lows often referred to as mania and depression (manic-depression). Some people may be wondering or are curious as to why people with bipolar disorder may struggle in relationships. Well, there may be a few factors that relate with the mania and depression that cause symptoms which can make being in relationships a bit more difficult.

Some factors (but not limited to) that may affect relationships may be:

= advice for the partners of a bipolar spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend

-Excessive spending – Mania can cause times where those with the disorder may want to spend more money and this may even greatly affect a bank account negatively, worsen mood problems (guilt, depression, regret, sadness), and ultimately it can affect the relationship. Mania can also cause hyper sexuality, rapid and excessive speech, and irritability.

-When the partner of a bipolar individual notices any signs of mania and/or excessive spending, he or she should take control of the money (credit cards, check books, cash, etc) and also notify their doctor and/or document the mood changes noticed just to be safe. This also applies to other types of mood changes. It helps people with bipolar to have a responsible and understanding partner who can help support them when they experience the mood changes.

-Mood swings/Anxiety – With the constant mood changes it can be very difficult to have a smooth sailing relationship without conflict. All relationships, no matter who you are, are going to experience conflict. With bipolar disorder, they often have times where they feel irritable, angry, emotional, and also have times of mania (euphoria- elevated hyper mood) and sometimes for no apparent reason or cause. Sometimes the trigger can be identified, but sometimes there are moods where everything flips the switch the wrong way seemingly without cause. There are also many moments where a person with bipolar may lash out in anger such as throwing objects, hitting, crying/screaming, and saying/yelling hurtful things. This can make for a very frustrating and rocky relationship without the right strategies to control it.

It is important that the partner can help redirect him/her when the bipolar individual is experiencing mood swings and or obsessive thoughts. It may be helpful to have a partner that knows when to help the person struggling with mood swings or worries calm down appropriately, but also knows the times when to walk away from behaviors (attention-seeking etc). Sometimes staying around while he or she is experiencing a mood swing can also make matters worse. The key is to know when, because there are times where things could go horribly wrong. When its noticeable that the bipolar partner is starting to get irritable, is yelling/screaming, throwing things, etc, it is best to try to catch these mood changes very early to prevent it from escalating any further, if possible. There are times where they may say or yell hurtful things that may possibly make you second guess or become really frustrated or angry in your relationship. It is important to keep in mind, for the sake of the relationship and sanity, that these moments do not last forever and more than likely the bipolar individual is just having a mood swing and isn’t meaning to anger you or upset you. Sometimes a good strategy would be to ask them “Talk to me about it.”, “What’s bothering you?”, “How can I help?”, “What would make you feel better?” ,”Let’s go find something enjoyable to do.”, etc. More than likely your bipolar spouse would love your attention, know that you are listening, and they can see you care. Support is huge for those struggling to have in their lives.

Advice to those in a relationship with a person who has bipolar disorder: Research! Research! Research! Learn about the disorder, go to doctors’ appointments, and listen to them. Also, observe and get to know them both inside and out. Know what their triggers are and recognize the mood changes. This is very important advice.

Lastly, the key to making a relationship work when someone struggles with a mental illness would be ultimately to have the right person by their side who they know will support and understand them- that is key. Someone who is open-minded, patient, dependable, willing to listen, and who is willing to help them. Also, communication is essential. I cannot express that enough- that is also a key to any successful relationship. A lot of common mistakes in relationships is not being with the right person. This is true for everyone including those without mental illness. If it’s not the right person, the relationship, but most importantly the mental and emotional health of each individual, will be negatively impacted causing more complications.

In closing, can a person with bipolar disorder have successful relationships? YES, yes they can! It is a matter of having the right person, both being aware of any sudden mood changes, and patience. Patience is also a huge helpful factor in relationships.

Never give up thinking that a person who has bipolar disorder means they cannot have successful relationships. It is possible, but it takes time and patience as it does for everyone.

97 Comments

I’ve only dated one person with bipolar disorder. She was diagnosed just before we started dating. It was by our third date that she disclosed her illness and her history with it. She was very candid with me, which I appreciated. In the beginning, I would look for warning signs. There were moments I thought I saw hints of mania, but I think I was reading too much into it. Eventually, I stopped thinking about her illness altogether because I never actually saw indications of it. If she hadn’t told me that she had BP, I never would’ve suspected it. The relationship lasted about a year and I have to say it was probably the best relationship I’ve ever had. There was no drama, no arguments, nothing. We got along perfectly and she never said or did anything to put me in a bad mood. In fact, she did what the ideal girlfriend does, which was make me happy. As for her moods, they were incredibly even for someone who supposedly had a mood disorder. Either her meds worked really well or she did a good job of hiding it from me. The relationship ended, but not because of her illness. At least, not directly. During her pre-diagnosis manic phases, she went on a massive spending spree and accumulated a lot of debt, which she was having trouble paying off. So she moved back in with her family to save on rent and living expenses. I debated asking her to move in with me instead, but I don’t think either of us were ready to take such a serious step. The plan was for her to move back once she paid off the debt. Unfortunately for me, over a year later she met someone else and decided to stay. I assume he knows all about her BP as well. The last time I talked to her, she said her decision to stay with her family had to do with her illness. She felt it was a better environment for her and she had a strong support system there. And I have no doubt that’s true. But given that her change of heart took place around the same time she started a new relationship, it’s hard not to assume that was the real reason she chose to stay. It hurts cause I really wanted her to come back. And of course, it hurts to know that she’s with someone else. But life is cruel sometimes. Her BP cost her a lot and, in a way, it cost me too since it was the thing that forced her to leave. I’m glad she’s doing well managing her illness. I sometimes wonder how things might’ve turned out had she moved in with me. If she was hiding her mood swings before, I doubt she would’ve been able to continue doing so if we were under the same roof. And with her family out of state and some of her friends here being bad influences, I know I would’ve had to have been her primary support system. I was up to the task, but I have no idea how I would’ve handled it. So in a way, I never really got to experience bipolar disorder up close. Some of you will no doubt say that I was lucky. Maybe. But that’s why it’s hard for me to read all these horror stories other people have. It’s so different than what I experienced. If all bipolar women were like the one I dated, I’d never date anyone who wasn’t bipolar. Part of me hopes she’ll come back someday so we can get another chance. But I also want her to be happy and healthy. And maybe her being with her family is better for her health than being with me.

Not so sound harsh, but no, bipolar people cannot have a good relationship. I was in a relationship with a bipolar girl and everthing was beautiful, then she went off her meds and everything blew up for no good reason. I went from shopping for engagement rings to broken up with in 6 hours. I did so much for this girl, loaned her money, got her a job and career, gave her a cheap place to stay, cooked for her, did her laundry. We were inseperable until she went off her meds.

Now I’m supposedly the scum of the earth, psychotic, narcissistic, with a small ugly penis, a cheater. She posted up posters with my picture calling me those things all over my neighborhood. Left a box at my front door with a clown wig and a pig mask with my name written on it, the eyes X’ed out, and left me a note saying she hopes that I die and live a lonely life alone until I die.

I knew about her condition and was gently reminding her to take her meds each day when she stopped taking them.

Things really blew up when a minor disagreement over going camping (she had promised but decided to go clubbing instead) she decided to stomp off, go to skid row, buy a gram of crystal meth and was picked up by the police wearing someone else’s tank top over her shirt. I implored her to get an STD test (both mania and methamphetamine drive hypersexuality) and she said it was a girl’s tank top. Fat chance – the only thing a girl wears under a tank is a bra. She probably got nailed in an alley. She fought me tooth and nail over even getting the test.

I moved on. I’m a good guy. If I waited around for her to come out of this cycle, I’d only be waiting on eggshells for the next one.

I’m sure some bipolar people can have a successful relationship, but only if they take their condition really seriously, which means avoiding alcohol and drugs, taking the meds on schedule, getting the right amount of sleep and monitoring their moods. Which, for Bipolar I people is hard to do, because they crave the mania.

I feel really sad for my recently ex girlfriend, she’s sick of the mind. I truly do miss her and I’m not even mad because I know it’s the illness. She is going to need probably 10 years and a few more collosal screwups before she learns to take her illness seriously (she’s 21).

We all deserve the right to be happy, not have our lives thrown in a jumble over someone else’s mental illness – especially if they aren’t taking it seriously.

DO NOT EVEN LISTEN TO ALL THOSE SO CALLED EXPERTS WHO TELL US ….THAT IT IS OK TO HAVE NORMAL RELATIONSHIP WITH PEOPLE WITH MENTAL DISORDERS !!!! IRREGARDLESS IF THEY ARE BIPOLAR OR COVERT NARCISSISTS…..THEY ARE ALL VERY VERY CRAZY PEOPLE !!!!

THOSE EXPERTS CAN ONLY GIVE ARMCHAIR CRITICS AND ADVICES ….BUT WHO IS ACTUALLY LIVING A LIFE OF SHEER HELL ON EARTH !!!!!???

HELLO !!!!! IT IS YOU !!!!!!

ASK THOSE EXPERTS IF THEY HAD ACTUALLY BEEN IN RELATIONSHIP WITH BIPOLAR OR NARCISSIST PARTNERS ????

I BET YOU …. MOST OF THESE CLEVER EXPERTS WILL STAY FAR AWAY FROM ANY BIPOLAR OR NARCISSIST PARTNERS !!!!!

SO MY TWO CENT WORTH OF ADVISE TO YOU —- STOP SELF CONDEMATION UPON YOURSELF !!!!! MOVE ON WITH YOUR PRECIOUS LIFE OR WHATEVER IS LEFT !!!!!
AND LET GO OF THOSE ENERGY SUCKING DRAINING ABNORMAL PEOPLE WHO SHOULD BE LEFT IN THE WOOD TO DEFEND THEMSELVES !!!!!!!

WE DONT NEED THESE SO CRAZY INDIVIDUALS TO WRECK OUR LIVES AWAY TILL WE HAVE NO MORE SELF IDENTITIY AND THINKING OF COMMITTING SUUCIDE !!!!! HOW STUPID IS THAT !!!!!!!

FORGET ABOUT REACHING OUT OR BE KIND TO THESE CRAZY MORONS !!!!! LET THESE PEOPLE GO …SO THEY CAN FIND OTHER PEOPLE TO LEACH ON AND TURN THEIR LIVES INTO SHAMBLE !!!

GO TO HELL ASSHOLE! THEY HAD NO CHOICE WHEN THEY BECAME BI POLAR IN FACT SOME PEOPLE HAVE IT BECAUSE WHEN THEY WERE CLINICALLY DEPRESSED THEY WERE PUT ON HIGH DOSE WHICH PROBABLY STARTED THIS WHOLE FUCKING THING! GROW SOME BALLS AND DONT ACUSE OF BI POLAR AS CRAZY PEOPLE BECAUSE THOSE WHO ARE BI POLAR THEY NEED ALL THE HELP THEY NEED WHICH MEANS THEY NEED MEDICINE BUT WE ARE ALL MISDIAGNOSED!!!

Hi Taylor. I am in a similar situation. I have been with my bf for 2 yrs and he is bipolar. When we 1st meet he was in school, job, car, and his own place. After about a year he lost all that. I let him move in with me. It has been an emotional roller coaster. He has accused me of cheating and all sorts of things. He was on lithium for about a month and then stopped. He had an episode and decided to pack up and leave. He came crying back and I let him back :(. I told him he had to get on another med in order for this to work, which he has. (its only been 3 days) Last night I told him I was going to curl my hair and he flipped a switch just like that!
I’m just not sure if I have faith that he will stay on this med. I’m at a loss and don’t know what to do 🙁 He has no one here and if I kick him out he has no where to go and will be homeless. Plus I have 2 kids that are not ours together. I don’t know what to do. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

I’ve been in a relationship with a man with bipolar, he does not use medication, he claims it makes him zombie like, I hav helped him non-stop for 1 1/2yrs. It’s draining me in every way possible, he has a gambling addiction & I’ve been forking over thousands to cover his crap while I’m sitting here not being able to do anything I want. He is completely selfish, its all about him. We moved to a different town together, but only lived there for 9 months, I couldn’t take it anymore, we had a couple abusive fights, I decided to sell the house & move back to hometown, he lives here too. We r in the process of buying another house, but I feel like I became heartless in the process, I don’t know if I even care about any of it anymore. He always needs me, but I never need him. & now that I bring up that he needs to step up & b a boyfriend he turns it on me, as he does with everything, & says I’m to blame too. I realized the other day that he hasnt wrote me anything after the first two months we were together, I meet him for his lunch breaks, he hasnt done it once, when I try to talk to him he runs away & just thinks its suppose to magically fix itself. I feel like I lost my heart from bipolar being in our lives…..

Hi NIK. I am in a similar situation. I have been with my bf for 2 yrs and he is bipolar. When we 1st meet he was in school, job, car, and his own place. After about a year he lost all that. I let him move in with me. It has been an emotional roller coaster. He has accused me of cheating and all sorts of things. He was on lithium for about a month and then stopped. He had an episode and decided to pack up and leave. He came crying back and I let him back :(. I told him he had to get on another med in order for this to work, which he has. (its only been 3 days) Last night I told him I was going to curl my hair and he flipped a switch just like that!
I’m just not sure if I have faith that he will stay on this med. I’m at a loss and don’t know what to do He has no one here and if I kick him out he has no where to go and will be homeless. Plus I have 2 kids that are not ours together. I don’t know what to do. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

People who marry or have relationships with bipolar people usually just want scapegoats to blame all their life problems on. I will probably never marry, but when I view the sadistic, emotionally abusive creeps who post to blogs like this telling how they HATE their exes for having mood swings and we should all be locked up or drug out and shot, I’m glad to be alone. I think that they’re the evil ones, even if they don’t have diagnoses. I have a bipolar friend who lived with a “normal” abusive creep for a year. After he almost killed her, she finally left him. She is now happily married to a kind man with bipolar.

Yea cause u believed her “victim role” and they bring the abuse out of abusers. Sounds like your in love with your friend or ass hurt or just a follower we call “harems”. Your a harem. A person who believes the lies, manipulations and stories about how they are abused and he’s a psycho. Your the fool!

I don’t think it’s fair to the other person to be in a relationship with a BPD. I was in one with my daughter’s father and it was draining and abusive. A person should’nt be in a relationship if they have so many issues cause when life gets hard they won’t be any help and when life is good, their bpd minds will twist it into a horror for their loved ones. BPD’s are highly needy and dependant on a spouse but they are also extremely fussy and demanding–they mistake helpful suggestions as being told what to do and are energy vampires. I realise its a disease but if you have BPD then work on yourself and love yourself and don’t look for someone to make you better—only YOU can do that. If a BPD becomes stable and wants to be in a realtionship then they should date another BPD… maybe you can help each other because you’ll see what you do to others in your relationship. If you are dating someone with BPD I would get out unless your willing to sacrifice all your hopes, dreams and peace because you can’t help them get better–you can only be their “punching bag.” I wish everyone wellness on their journey and I do hope that BPD’s can leaen to function better–I have to keep that hope because my daughter has BPD like her father.

You are a very judgemental bitch walk one day no on minute in the shoes of ur ex u couldn’t u wanna know why ur ex was the day he was wasn’t cause of bipolar go in ur bathroom look in mirror and damn there’s your problem right there maybe if he’d stop and think about it for a second your the fucking reason that he went so crazy and had manic episodes have you ever thought about that no probably not you’re probably one of those self-righteous goes to church and judges everybody but I believe in God and I have a relationship with the Lord and I take that quote on quote normal people like you couldn’t handle it this specially having the stuff that we have to go through because of Lord never gives us more than we can handle and maybe where the stronger ones that can handle The Facts of Life and fears of life unlike you that cuts he want to judge everybody and put it online so you might want to hold your tongue

I know this replay is late but in case you read this I want you to know that I don’t think that BPD’s are terrible people. I do feel sorry for those that suffer and it has pained me beyond belief to watch what my own child goes through. I want her to have a happy future and I have her in therapy and have made a lot of sacrifices to try to assist her in finding her way to healthier ways of thinking–without medication. Having dealt with her father and her though, I can tell you that I have very little time and energy left to do things that I enjoy. My personal and emotional boundaries have been trampled by them and it was a relief to get him out of the picture. I had to make a choice because I couldn’t take care of everything and deal with the both of them. If we didn’t have children, I might have put up with him longer, because I don’t like to quit, in the past, even to my own detriment. When he couldn’t face his issues even for the sake of his child, I realized he need to go. There are varying degrees of BPD, so I’m sure not everyone is as aweful as he was. He did some horrifying things to his kids and myself. The young lady that does this blog seems to have a good grasp on her symptoms and I’m sure there are others. Everyone has something wrong with them and no one is perfect, I know I certainly have my faults that I continue to work on. However, I’m a positive outgoing extrovert… it is so opposite of my ex and my child. Sometimes, it seems if your positive they become more negative. I haven’t been able to hang out with my friends or have my other social outlets because of the needs of the BPD’s in my life. I wish my ex well for the sake of our child, but it was like having two babies. Unfortunately, my ex is repeating the same patterns with his new wife #4. One good thing is that my daughter has made some progress, but there is still a long way to go. Good luck to you, finding a way to curb you thought process.

Some of these people are just awful! Suzie you have absolutely no right to say those things if your basis is on one negative situation you may have had. I suffer from it on a day to day basis. If you do not know what it’s like to have a constant battle in your head for what the right decision is to make over stupid things as minor as DINNER, you need to just step off and keep that pretty mouth shut. Those who arearound people with bi polar disorder do need support to and I fully agree, but being an complete bitch towards those with bpd doesn’t make the situation any better. It also doesn’t help doctors throw that diagnosis around like its a cop out. A true diagnosis is extensive and exhausting psychological and psychiatric testing and every bit of it sucks!

The bipolar person will not be successful at having a relationship with another as their behaviors and actions will be at the expense of their mate. Even when that mate has attended counseling with them and has not been the source or triggers or enabling. Relationships with BPDs, NPDs take so much away from the person without the illness and because it is codependent relationship, the partner without the mental illness doesn’t recognize it’s happening because of the toxic behavior, thougbts and comments the BPDs and NPDs have them believing. Tired of hearing and reading about the help asult BPDs and NPDs need and very little about the emotional abuse they use on others and little to no empathy or help available to the victim! BPDs being able to get federal $$ is only adding to the problem. Causes them not to seek out any job, independent skills, etc. More victim support is needed.

My husband with bipolar moved out over 3 years ago when I couldn’t handle all the lies, drinking, and pot usage. We were on the brink of divorce and had seen a lawyer to get an official separation agreement. He got hospitalized after a psychosis and resumed his medications prescribed by his doctors and he stabilized and chose to stop drinking with the help of A.Anonymos. He hasn’t drank in 3 years now and although we don’t live together, we spend weekends together and he helps to get his kids ready for school most mornings. We are happier as a family now that we don’t live with him and I am happy to say that I love my husband more now that I can have the space apart, yet still be together. It’s not perfect, but I think it keeps his stress level down which translates to our whole families peace of mind. It just works. I don’t stress about his reckless spending on his credit card because it’s his problem, not mine anymore. He wanted to move back in with us but I told him that he had to deal with his credit card debt before, as bringing that additional debt into family finances wasn’t fair to the rest of us. He probably won’t ask again for at least a year. I like living apart from him but I still love my husband.

Hi there.
I have been seeing a wonderful girl who suffers from type 2 bipolar disorder, at the start she was very loving, extremely into me and wanted a future, she does take medication as well as other meds for a few other things,
She’s had a rather rubbish upbringing which is bound to have a knock on affect,
The last few days she’s told me she’s falling in love with me, is crazy about ME and sees us being together, then she goes very cold and distant like I’ve done something wrong, I’ve tried my hardest to make her feel good as she has a very low view of herself which no reassurance on my part helps.
IVe got confused, angry and told her to leave me alone as I don’t deserve to be treated this way after all I do is help and it’s affecting me, I’d this normal behaviour for someone with this illness and does is subside over time to realise they acted this way.
I care about her a lot and don’t feel the time is right to give up on her, Im just very confused how you can say your falling in love yet act as tho you don’t care,
Many thanks.
John plant.

Hi im afraid uou will. Be up abd down with her mood swings its part of her bipolar condition.you can never Ever have a normal relationship. With bipolar persons.as they struggle to maintain.reality.and thats sad.But uou will end up depressed and sadder if you stay in the relatioship.i.know as i am in mental health field of work and deal with bipolar..hope u find the strength to walk away.theycare self distructive and destrroy.good luck.Leah

Hi Leah…I totally agree with you. A bipolar person can be very charming, loving and a wonderful person at times. And as a woman, I found it very easy to fall deeply in love with a bipolar man. He was on medication, but had to be reminded to take them. He could not work, felt he was writing a “great novel” and worked on it each day, but sadly, nothing written on those pages made any sense. One day he could be kind and loving and the next day be abusive and fly into a rage. I’ve had black eyes and a couple of broken bones over the years, and my own self-esteem was being destroyed. I finally had the COURAGE to leave him even though he begged me to stay. I felt very sad because he made me feel as though I was to blame for his illness even though I was a kind and very understanding partner. A few years after the divorce, I found a very wonderful man, married again and now have a child. My advice to others is NEVER let yourself get involved with a person who is bipolar. He will only break your heart. My previous husband took Lithium, but often had “breakthroughs”, and I hope and pray that someday there is a true cure for this horrible disorder. Trust me…if you become involved, you will be living with a Jekyll and Hyde personality, and you will never know which “personality” will come forth the next day.

I’m so happy today, i am a business man and i am married with 2kids, our marriage was moving on well until my wife start changing towards me i never knew she was seeing her ex and she just came to my room to tell me she needs a divorce. I had to make some investigation then i noticed my wife is seeing her Ex, i was touched and was looking for a solution because i know my wife very well we were both in love and we lived happily but all of a sudden things changed. I just believed that something is wrong somewhere, Then I contacted Dr Mutuma (drmutumahouseofsolution121@gmail. com) after which i have read some wonderful reviews on the internet, i called him to explain it all he just told me that my wife has being blind folded with black magic, So i begged him to please help me out and make my wife come back to her normal sense because she became a total stranger to everybody even turned against her own kids but God bless Dr Mutuma (drmutumahouseofsolution121@gmail. com) for bringing my wife back to my arms within 48hours i am so happy my wife has come back to her normal self. She cried and asked for forgiveness for all the emotional trauma she caused me. Am just so happy that things is working out well also with my business. He also healed my dad cancer that he has been suffering with for over a year. Contact Dr Mutuma today his a man of his word and i know he will surely put a smile on your face like he just did for me. Am so happy.

What if your partner has been diagnosed but refuses to medicate or seek help? This advice is all good and well for someone who makes regular doctors visits. My girlfriend stopped visiting her doctor after she was perceived xanax cuz she didn’t like it and decided smoking marijuana was a better alternative, but seeing as how that’s not covered by an HMO and it interferes with employment it has become a huge problem for us and nothing I can do convinces her to to go back to seeking some form of medical attention, its getting to the point where IM angry and depressed all the time because I never know what little thing will set her off, the smallest things turn her into bitchzilla could be something as simple as the way I’m laying in bed turning into her screaming at me and throwing a tantrum, I no longer know what to do other than leave..

my advice is to run don’t walk Run!!!! I’m a 41 yr old male whom dealt with this issue for 14 years I know what your talking about. it will end up happening anyway but not before it starts affecting your work and !!!HEALTH!!! the STRESS that THE ANXIETY from not knowing when or what or where she is going to turn on you next WILL MOST DEFINITELY shorten your life in the long run! after about three maybe four years mine started getting violent once she figured out I wouldn’t hurt her it got worse eventually year 13 I got stabbed. that bullshit about it can be worked on is just that BULLSHIT! I have taken her to psychologists, psychiatrists and pastors the have no cure and these relationships will do nothing for either of you ecept drain you physically, financially, and emotionally So I’m going to tell you the same thing the first Psychologist told me in private these girls never get better they just get worse as they get older and lose and abuse more brain cells with presciptions and in some cases non as life hands them inevitably more disappointments as bodies grows older they will blame you even against reason! so run kid because time goes by much quicker than you think and you cannot get a decade back! ask yourself one simple question would you like to have a daughter with this women is that what you would like to contribute to this world another woman who appears to be on PMS steroids !! thats all I cannot say it loud enough or stress it long enough you only get to tell one story one time around the Ferris wheel so whats the title gonna be ? WHYI DIED FROM A CORONARY AT AGE 50!!! good luck partner!!

Look folks I dont care what anyone says, I believe bipolar can be used so easily as an excuse for people. Its quite simple, when I feel emotional with pms or trying to quit cigarettes or when im pregnant, I dont continue to take these emotions out on my family, I seek help and I did (when pregnant i was mental). My partner is just adjusting to the diagnosis of bipolar and the medication, but I refuse to let him use it as an excuse. He must want to help himself, he has to want to get better and be better we all have to deal with crap in life, (thats life) but if he cant do it for himself then thats his choice and he will live with the consequences. I have a rule in my house and with my kids that we all treat each other with respect, and he also has to adhere to this rule. Theres no point blaming the illness for everything, some people are just nasty people and I wont tolerate anyone being abusive to me or my kids. If their abusing you then leave, I would advise that to anyone in an abusive relationship whether their partner is ill or not. Oh and yes finding the right person can help anyone but we dont abuse those trying to help us.

I have to agree with you Seore…I am 35 and have been dealing with a bipolar boyfriend for the last eleven years. It has been HELL!!! I have done EVERYTHING I can for this man but its never enough! He is nasty majority of the time, he cheats, he lies, and shows no emotion and no remorse UNTIL shit gets so bad that I leave. But once I am back and he starts to feel everything is back to normal he is right back at it again. When we met I was a different person.. I was so happy and loving..etc..but he has taken a toll on me. He has drained the life out of me. I cant remember the last time I really laughed..my health is poor..I’m so depressed that I just sit in my room all day. Thank the lord I was blessed with good looks necause between my weight gain and my depression and health..I feel like thats the only thing I have left going for me. I try everyday to pick myself back up and put the pieces of my life back together but until I can say i REALLY AM DONE AND GET AWAY FROM HIS CRAZY BIPOLAR MAN There really is no sense on trying…but I am trying to get out as we speak..he is so obsessive that i have had multiple protective orders..pressed charges on him for just about everything but my biggest issue is his stalking! Even when i leave..Im never truly alone because he is constantly looking in my Windows..driving by my house. Etc..I have a huge heart and have done everything i can to try yo help him but he doesnt want to help himself a d in turn I havebeen the one that has been extremely neglected, abused mentally and physically, heart broken. I hate yo think it is impossible to be able to have a normal relationship with someone that is bipolar but with my experience I am going to say it is. I am also dealing with a man that is not just your everyday bipolar..Im dealing with a man that has the most severe case of bipolar i have ever seen!!! I mean I’m talking about a man that when he gets manic..his eyes change color and everything..its really bad!! So for those of you reading…I agree…RUN AND RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AND DO NOT LOOK BACK!!! I Wish I could get back the 11 years he has destroyed but I cant and I cant blame anyone but myself and my huge heart and for always thinking I can help everyone and everyone is good..etc..Once Im out of this I will NEVER date someone bipolar again. They are the most needy selfish mean people i have ever met!! They will take and take and take until there ia nothing left to take and then move to the next person. I guess it deoends on how bipolar someone is and if they want to help theirself but for me I will tell people that havent been dating a bipolar person for long and are on here looking for help.. Get OUT while u stillcan and before you lose every bit of happiness and selfworth to this person with bipolar!!! Im sorry if this is cold but if any of u wven knew a quarter of what Ive been thru u would undestand..lets say this..i wrote to the Dr Phil. Show a few years back and his producerscalled me for FOUR MONTHS doing everything they could to get me on that show..having their top producer call and all. I wish now I went. Maybe i wouldnt be so screwed up and got the help he and I botg needed. i was just too embarassed for the world to see inside of my life.

Hi Marg. I am in a similar situation. I have been with my bf for 2 yrs and he is bipolar. When we 1st meet he was in school, job, car, and his own place. After about a year he lost all that. I let him move in with me. It has been an emotional roller coaster. He has accused me of cheating and all sorts of things. He was on lithium for about a month and then stopped. He had an episode and decided to pack up and leave. He came crying back and I let him back :(. I told him he had to get on another med in order for this to work, which he has. (its only been 3 days) Last night I told him I was going to curl my hair and he flipped a switch just like that!
I’m just not sure if I have faith that he will stay on this med. I’m at a loss and don’t know what to do He has no one here and if I kick him out he has no where to go and will be homeless. Plus I have 2 kids that are not ours together. I don’t know what to do. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

So are you honestly going to honestly sit here and right online that us people with bipolar disorders do not deserve to be in relationships and that we only get worse you sound like Hitler why don’t you just go ahead and all get together around all of us bipolar people up and fucking kill us

Hi SEORE STEFANOPOLIS. I am in a similar situation. I have been with my bf for 2 yrs and he is bipolar. When we 1st meet he was in school, job, car, and his own place. After about a year he lost all that. I let him move in with me. It has been an emotional roller coaster. He has accused me of cheating and all sorts of things. He was on lithium for about a month and then stopped. He had an episode and decided to pack up and leave. He came crying back and I let him back :(. I told him he had to get on another med in order for this to work, which he has. (its only been 3 days) Last night I told him I was going to curl my hair and he flipped a switch just like that!
I’m just not sure if I have faith that he will stay on this med. I’m at a loss and don’t know what to do He has no one here and if I kick him out he has no where to go and will be homeless. Plus I have 2 kids that are not ours together. I don’t know what to do. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

I looked up this blog because my partner was recently diagnosed with bipolar, after reading a lot of posts, it made me realise I am overthinking things a bit, to be honest I believe there is just a stigma attached to the illness, a lot of people out there are crazy, useless parents and fly off the handle at nothing, there are plenty of abusive partners and none of these people are diagnosed with bipolar or any illness they are just ignorant. I don’t let my partner away with his moods or the things he says, I call him on his behaviour and he takes responsibility for it, but even at his worst he is still a better man than most. He makes an effort with me and he is a loving father.

Thanks for posting this, I Have been seeing this beautiful girl for a few months now and have always noticed a bit something off but it wasent to big of a deal. But after a few stressful events took place she is currently in a full blown manic state and im seeing it for the first time. Its scary! I can sort of deal but ide be lying if I said it dident trip me out a bit. Im doing a TON of research and I feel like if I decide to stay with this girl I constantly have to be on guard for her to either kill herself, or to cheat on me. I know that sound super negative, but ive just been reading article after article and message boards and what not and that is the over riding them, cheating and suicide. I know its not all people, like your husband apparently. I just want to say I liked this post alot because it gave me hope, THANKS

Hello, I Just want to thank Dr khakani for the great thing he has been doing for people in our country and things he has done for me,After my huband of 6years of marriage left me for another woman all because i could not give him a child,i hated myself and almost committed suicide because i truly loved my husband with all my heart. Due to this i even lost my job,Because i was always drinking and crying because i truly loved my husband with all my heart,So then i was listening to radio one faithful day and i heard someone talking about Dr khakani on radio, How generous and trustworthy the man is, How Dr khakani helped her in bringing back her ex within 24hours,i was like i need to get in touch with this man,i got a pen and wrote Dr khakani’s number and email,So I decided to give him a call and told him how people talk about him online, I believed this man was real due to the way he spoke to me on the phone. Then he told me not to worry and he said he knows i have lost my job i was shocked and i told him yes,He said everything would be sorted out within 48hours,So i was very happy when i had that good news,Truly within 48hours i got a call from my husband saying he is very sorry for what he has done to me, he came to me in tears to forgive him which i did,As i was giving my husband a sweet cuddle i got a call from the company i worked telling me to resume work by monday,i was so happy please friend Dr khakani his truly a trusted man that cast real spell and a man to believe in. Dr khakani has made a good name here in our country. Please contact him on his private mail khakanibestsolutioncentre12@gmail . com or cell phone (+234)8176363653

What about the patient partner’s feelings over time? After ten years of always having to be patient and stroking the bipolar partner’s ego, can’t the patient partner’s own emotional health be at risk, as well as the health of any children involved? What is the best advice on this matter?

As a person who lived with a bipolar individual for 17 years I can say that in my case it was either leave the relationship or endure my own emotional and financial ruin. I chose to end the relationship for my own self preservation. Being diagnosed and living with your bipolar condition is quit different from being the individual living with the person who is diagnosed. There are totally different issues that need to be dealt with. I don’t think anyone is that special of a person to endure the amount of abuse.

I posted before reading any of the comments. Ivkept it very simple, and didn’t share my own personal experiences, but in truth, I AM where you apparently were. I have been dealing with an abusive and selfish bipolar currently, and have been here for ten years. He left our home yesterday afternoon for the 22nd time since we married. I had purchased a small rubber 2-man boat for him to use for flounder fishing, and it was decided before purchasing, that it would also be great for fun for my 15 year old son (whose father was killed when he was very young, and has looked to “him” as a father figure).
Yesterday, school was out due to the Labor Day holiday and my son was anxiously trying to plan something fun for the day. I mentioned to him to have a friend over and they could blow this raft up and take it out in the Sound right by our house. Keep in mind that I never know what willv”set him off”, buy the events that followed were typical when he is in this mood, but I can’t possibly keep up with when that mood will surface. He became, once again, irrate becausethis was tge plan. He began his screaming, shouting, and slamming doors. He continued into his usual phase of insults and name calling, along with turning everything into problems with both myself AND my son…my very GOOD son! I responded with my usual attempts to calm him, and he only got worse. He kept screaming that I had ruined everything. I reminded him that I had purchased it for everyone…plus the boys were going to be doing the work of inflating it, which would be helpful! Nothing was going to satisfy him. That much was clear. I left the room and continued to help my son to get moving so that he wouldn’t have to witness any more of this behavior. It was obvious that he was angry that he wasn’t going to get to use the raft/boat first before my 15 year old son!
He closed himself off, packed a backpack, and left…again. I haven’t heard from him since. He always leaves when ALL of the household bills are due, and he knows that I cannot handle them on my own. THAT is what has caused me to remain in this relationship. My health has DEFINITELY been affected adversely. I have MS and a heart rythm disorder which has gotten much worse, and caused other problems now.
I would not want anyone to find themselves in my shoes. I have always been a person with an almost rediculous level of patience, but everyone has limits.
I fear that my resentments will “eat me alive”, if I continue to try to help this bipolar man that I love…but… I also have to survive him, financially and otherwise. I cannot be left homeless with my son, and I am exhausted!
I don’t want people like myself, looking for answers, to read this piece and feel that they should just keep remaining patient through this as well as many much worse outbursts of their bipolar partner.
From your comment, I believe that you survived a very similar relationship. I would love hear what you would suggestvI do from here. Thanks so much!

HI !!! Every one here !!!!
Talking about Overcoming Bipolar Disorder in this article……the writer keep saying……..finding the RIGHT PERSON can help the BIPOLAR person to be much better ……THAT IS BULLSHIT !!! so how does this BIPOLAR person knows if the partner he chose IS THE RIGHT PERSON for him or not ??
Did he tell this partner WITH HONESTY that he had BIPOLAR ILLNESS BEFORE THE RELATIONSHIP CAN TAKE OFF IN AN HONEST WAY?? How many people out there knows he or she is a BIPOLAR ??? It is a mental illness and let us be very, very honest.here…people with mental illness WILL NEVER EVER TELL THEIR GIRLFRIENDS OR BOYFRIENDS THAT HE OR SHE HAS A MENTAL DISORDER !!!!! until the relationship had been established and became so intolerable and punishing for the other party who might be wondering what”s hit them !!!! only after seeking for medical help, then the answer STARES YOU RIGHT BACK AT YOUR FACE !!! Then the partner has to make a big decision, a choice…TO LEAVE HIM/ HER OR STAY TO WORK THINGS OUT !!!!!
if THE PARTNER DECIDES TO STAY AND HELP HIM/HER…DOES THIS MEAN THE PARTNER IS THE RIGHT PARTNER FOR THIS PERSON WHO HAD A BIPOLAR?? not necessary…because this partner might choose to stay out of great compassion for him/her who is suffering from Bipolar !!! But years later……when the mental illness is still incurable with mood swings still intolerable….EVEN THE RIGHT PARTNER FOR HIM/HER WILL SOON BREAK AWAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LET US FACE REALITY…..to live with a BIPOLAR person is very difficult , challenging and DANGEROUS TOO because one see and be victimized with bashings and physically been abused almost everyday !!! There are people who are BIPOLAR do not possess such aggression…but ,,,there are at the same time there are BIPOLAR INDIVIDUALS who are INDEED VERY VIOLENT AND DANGEROUS TO LIVE WITH !!!!

PLEASE DONT EVER UNDER-ESTIMATE MENTAL ILLNESS OF ANY KIND AS IF LIVING WITH SOMEONE WITH BIPOLAR IS A SUCH A PICNIC !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SOCIETY FEEL SUCH MENTAL ILLNESS IS JUST AN ILLNESS and downplay the whole aspects of this terrible mental illness….with saying that it is ok to live with people who have the mental illnesses !!!!! THEY WILL COME ROUND SOON….IF THEY EVER DO COME ROUND OR ELSE YOU MIGHT BE THE FIRST VICTIM TO BE DEAD ANYWAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Society must make it MANDATORY to educate the general public about this mental illness and to come out openly to discuss in FORUMS AND SEMINARS TO MAKE PEOPLE AWARE of such mental illnesses ……so everyone can make a choice……………………..

I WAS THAT ABUSED VICTIM, PHYSICALLY BASHED UP, MENTALLY TORTURED,,,,EMOTIONALLY SCARED FOR LIFE….and for all that….am I the right partner for my ex husband who is indeed a BIPOLAR person?????

I DONT THINK SO….IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU BEEN A RIGHT PERSON OR NOT FOR A BIPOLAR PERSON….IT IS ABOUT YOUR VERY OWN PERSONAL SAFETY WHICH IS THE MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU THAN THE RELATIONSHIP ITSELF……………..think about it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the right way !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m sorry you disagree with what was written here and I’m sorry you had a rough relationship with someone who has bipolar, but people with bipolar are NOT all violent or like your ex. I’ve always been upfront about my illness from the beginning with everyone and do not hide it. There are many others who do the same too. I know of many people with bipolar who are not violent at all. Some with bipolar are more emotional and anxiety-ridden than violent. We are all different. It sounds like your ex needed extra help and the best thing was to walk away from that situation. A person who is abusive is a different story altogether. If a person is abusive, they need professional help as soon as possible. What you wrote here is not correct about ALL bipolar people though and I don’t agree that it’s “bull” as I am writing from a different perspective. This particular article may not apply to you personally. It is evident that you are angry and upset and that is understandable.

And yes, I do think that it does take the right kind of person to deal with a bipolar individual because it can be extremely difficult to live with someone who has constant ups and downs and who needs daily treatment and support. It can be stressful and frustrating. And for the record, I never said that finding the right person will make the bipolar person all better. I stated that when a person with bipolar finds the right person for him/her and who is supportive of their condition etc, the relationship will flourish and may be more successful. You probably did all you could do and that is not your fault at all, okay? Like I said before though, when there is abuse in a relationship, it is not a healthy relationship and walking away from the abusive environment is the best choice bipolar or not. It is a totally different story.. Good luck to you in the future and just try to be careful when you make statements or claims such as “all bipolar people are the same etc” because we are not all that way (it seems you already understand that some with bipolar are not violent which is good). I know it’s not easy to live with someone who is bipolar, but some are not that hard to live with. It all depends on the individual person. Bipolar symptoms and how they appear are different for everyone. We are not lumped into one big group. It does not apply to ALL.

Also, there are people who are violent and abusive in relationships when they’re not even bipolar. It is always good to watch out for your safety in any relationship even when neither parties are mentally ill.

I am 26. I’ve been in a relationship with my fiance for about 4 years. This is my longest relationship so far. I was upfront about having bipolar right away when I met him, but it did worry me to tell him.

Hi KAIT. I have been with my bf for 2 yrs and he is bipolar. When we 1st meet he was in school, job, car, and his own place. After about a year he lost all that. I let him move in with me. It has been an emotional roller coaster. He has accused me of cheating and all sorts of things. He was on lithium for about a month and then stopped. He had an episode and decided to pack up and leave. He came crying back and I let him back :(. I told him he had to get on another med in order for this to work, which he has. (its only been 3 days) Last night I told him I was going to curl my hair and he flipped a switch just like that!
I’m just not sure if I have faith that he will stay on this med. I’m at a loss and don’t know what to do He has no one here and if I kick him out he has no where to go and will be homeless. Plus I have 2 kids that are not ours together. I don’t know what to do. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

Much like Amelia, I’m mostly a functional person, professionally and socially, unless I’m in a severe episode. Over time I’ve learned to handle my mood better, making depressive phases less frequent and less extreme, and especially shorter. So most people in my life would never suspect that I struggled with BP unless I told them. But I still do get down, I will never be consistent.

With time, I am finding it harder and harder to believe that I can find someone to share my life with. The only people that have stuck around in my life (besides my parents), are those who have never had to deal too closely with my depressive episodes because they’re simply not such close friends. I only let those closest to me, those I trust the most around me when I’m low…and these ultimately end up leaving me because of it.

Knowing whom to trust and being able to chose the right person for me is a major factor of course, and I don’t seem to know how to do that. It’s quite exhausting.

I’m sorry you’re going through that.. It can be difficult to live with someone who won’t take meds for bipolar. Some people with bipolar often skip doses or don’t take them from time to time. Compliance is even difficult for me because I like how I feel when I’m manic and when I take meds, the mania fades and I feel like a robot or a zombie. Kind of numb in a way.

I would definitely mention to your husband that in order for your relationship to work, he needs to take his meds and seek out a counselor because his behaviors hurt and worry you. Hopefully he realizes how unsafe it is to be off medications and how destructive it can be to a relationship too.

I am responding to the post from Helen wheels. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder for 9 years and have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. No one would even know I was bipolar unless I told them. I am no different than anyone else. I don’t ruin holidays or birthdays. If I feel off I get quiet I don’t throw things and scream. My boyfriend a few years ago said I was different than anyone else he has ever dated. He meant in a good way. Like I am normal. He said he had other girlfriends who would call him and want to talk about crazy psycho relationship issues. My boyfriend told me if every bipolar person was like me he would only date bipolar people. Where do you get your info from? Because if the person you knew wasn’t on medicine you can’t compare him to people like me who have been taking medicine everyday for 9 years, exercise regularly so I can feel better, etc. I take offense to every thing you said. I have a lot of bad days but I don’t use that as an excuse to be abusive or hurtful to others. I know someone who is not mentally ill and goes off the handle and is sometimes unbearable to be around. It would be like me taking that one unstable non bipolar person and stating that everyone who is not bipolar is an asshole. That’s absurd. Everyone is different. No two bipolar people are alike just as two non mentally ill people are alike. I think you are taking that one bipolar person you know and are assuming well that’s how every bipolar person must be then. I know assholes, funny people, short tempered, and patient people, etc. It’s everyone’s personalities are different and I take offense that you would categorize me as being the same of the bipolar boyfriend you had. I work hard to keep my cool by journaling, exercising, praying, etc. I will not be classified as crazy because I am not my label and I am a great person. I have known people for years who have no clue I am bipolar because guess what I am normal. And everyone has bad days both bipolar and non bipolar people.

I love to read other people’s experiences and relationship. I am a very high functioning person with bipolar just like Amelia. I am 30 years old and recently broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted me to stop taking my medication. He said I had no quality-of-life- was tired all the time. He refused to go to the doctor with me and basically did not believe that I even had bipolar – it was like he was a Scientologist and didn’t believe in modern medicine. My therapist believes he would’ve found something else wrong with me had not been the illness. I am just worried I will never find someone who will be able to handle it. But you all give me hope.

Thanks for writing this post. So important. I agree that someone with Bipolar Disorder can love and marry if they want to. I have Bipolar 1 and Asperger’s and have been married for almost 24 years to someone with Asperger’s.

Has anyone heard of lithium ornate? I heard a Dr. talking about it on the radio. I presently take abilify and lithium.. Recently went through an episode of depreeion. Can someone help me about that medication. Lithium oranate?

Which is why, cruel as it may be, sometimes entire FAMILIES estrange a person with bipolar illness.
I often reflect that in antiquity, “eccentric” people were often left to their own devices, becoming hermits or monks and did not form relationships except with Dr. Frankenstein’s Creature.

My parents also live with bipolar. I DO understand more than one may think. My parents were/are very supportive even if they don’t always feel their best or are irritable. Mental illnesses take A LOT of understanding and patience. It’s not for everyone because some may not be able to handle what all goes on with this illness, but I love my family regardless. We understand each other and can relate. I think bipolar has brought us closer in many ways.. And once again I apologize that you have had unpleasant experiences regarding bipolar. I hope your stepson will become better in the future. Teen years were by far the worst for me too. Hormones + bipolar= out of control mess in my case.

*unless they can find someone who will endlessly forgive being cheated on, lied to, yelled at, disregarded, and abused in myriad ways, multiple times throughout the life of the relationship. Leaving that isn’t blame or judgment, it’s self-preservation.

Thanks for your comment. I do appreciate your thoughts. I understand what you are saying, but the truth is that I can only say what I know of. Maybe others will have more severe or less severe forms of the disorder and the symptoms will not be the same. Not one person is alike. I say “may” a lot because not everyone with bipolar will react the same ways. I very rarely throw things or yell and shout actually. My bipolar is more anxiety and emotional. I am a woman, yes, but I can get equally manic as I am depressed.

I don’t think it’s true nor fair to say that bipolar women shouldn’t have kids though because I know a few bipolar individuals whom have children and they are amazing parents and their kids are amazing too. Yes, it can be a struggle at times though, but it is possible.

Recovery from relapse is possible. Their still may be relapses, but not as frequent with proper coping skills and treatment.

Not having the bipolar spouse’s name on an account may be a smart idea for some depending on how severe the mania gets, but I feel it would handicap them in a way too. I think anyone who has bipolar would want to try to live as normally as possible. The name can still remain on the account, but ideally the spouse can monitor and support their bipolar partner. I think it’s also a personal choice too though.

Being in a relationship with a person who has bipolar is ultimately tough, but not every bipolar person will cheat, is abusive, or will mess everything up. I wouldn’t say they shouldn’t be in a relationship period because it IS possible to have a successful relationship when bipolar. People make choices, but maybe it wasn’t the right choice for him/her at the time? Maybe h/she needs to focus on getting proper treatment before dating again. :/

Like I said though, I think some have more severe forms of the disorder to where they need extra help, treatment, etc.

“I don’t think it’s true nor fair to say that bipolar women shouldn’t have kids though because I know a few bipolar individuals whom have children and they are amazing parents and their kids are amazing too. Yes, it can be a struggle at times though, but it is possible.”
Again, sorry to parse language, but I never said that bipolar women shouldn’t have kids- I believe that many (*not all*) bipolar PEOPLE should not.
Perhaps it’s not a stressful experience for the bp parent (but I doubt it); ask the grown child what they thought of their childhood with a bp parent. To the child of a BP parent, parental instability is the ‘normal’ way of life.

I have witnessed that childhood with a BP parent often (but not always) means:
* missed birthday parties, sports, recitals or other activities with peers because the parent isn’t ‘up to it.’
* being corrected abusively because the parent is absorbed in their own feelings of anger and unable to calmly deliver consequences for misbehavior.
* emotional needs for predictability or physical needs for things like new shoes or groceries overlooked
* education suffers because of parents’ ‘teacher anxiety’ – parent doesn’t attend teacher conferences, doesn’t ask about homework or show an interest in school.
* problematic behavior (including onset of illness symptoms) is overlooked at home, because it’s just like the bp parents’ own behavior. This can be quite the shock when the rest of the world doesn’t think it’s so normal or cute and it leads to serious trouble.
* not participating in outside the home fun like public swimming pools, fairs, farmers’ markets, art festivals, etc., because the parent is ‘freaked out’ by people that day.

Wow i totally understand now..i have a gf of 5 mths who is Bio-Polar and has Depression and i see how she talks to her son makes me made some times cause she gets very nick picky and calls his name a thousand times its like she makings him crazy.. and she takes her meds but not all the time so i want to leave but now i feel sorry for her son….

I feel like your post is a little too idealistic and seems to gloss over the true risks of being with a partner with bipolar. To start with, relapse is not just possible, it is INEVITABLE.
Also, bipolar disorder affects people differently. I feel like your blog is colored by the fact that you’re a woman. Women tend more toward depression, men more toward mania. People with depression may be difficult to deal with, but I don’t feel they are generally as destructive as people with mania.Mania + testosterone + upper body strength = sometimes verbally and physically dangerous tornado.
You say that “a person with bipolar may (emphasis mine) lash out in anger such as throwing objects, hitting, crying/screaming, and saying/yelling hurtful things.” As relapse is an inevitability, so is this behavior. There is no “may”, only “will.” In other relationships, this is known as spousal abuse. In those relationships, the abused person is told they should leave, and that the abuser shouldn’t have a mate. Is that also true for a bipolar, or are you giving them a pass because the behavior is inconsistent?Speaking of consistency, this will be a problem with your bipolar partner. No matter if their child needs life-saving medicine at 6pm sharp every day, your spouse will not be able to do this every day. Period.They will be preoccupied at some point, probably many points. (I am terrified for my former step-son, a bipolar diabetic.) You will not be able to take breaks from that detail unless you get someone other than your bipolar partner to back you up. They simply can’t/won’t. The only things consistent wereRuined Holidays. Either they will be weirded or freaked out by being around so many people and leave, or be awkward and do/ say strange things which causes awkwardness and leave, or just forget. Forget having normal holidays, and if your birthday is the one holiday a year that’s as important as your bipolar partner’s, expect it to be ruined. Because of “pressure to perform.” What am I asking for, a magic trick where you pull a greeting card out of your back pocket?Communication can also be difficult with bipolar mania, plus men are different communicators than women. “Are you OK” suddenly means that I want to see if the poison I’ve slipped you is working yet. You may try to “listen to his feelings” but bipolar mania feels great! There’s nothing wrong and nothing to talk about! Lack of insight is a hallmark of this illness. You tell me to know what their triggers are and recognize the mood changes. That’s only useful to know when to stay out of the house.

My solutions are this: Get medical Power of Attorney Your manic loved one will likely not allow you to participate in their care, once they are omniscient and superhuman. Don’t put them on your main account. Ever. Not even when they seem well. The slope into illness is slippery, and it can sneak up. It usually takes both account signers present to remove one of the signers, and the signer who doesn’t feel his manic spending is a problem, is not going to agree to be removed. Don’t have kids Raising children is not stress-free. Children of a bipolar parent have a 1 in 5 chance of also being bipolar. Bipolar children are even more stressful than regular children. Stress is a common trigger for illness. Children = illness episodes.
If you are going to make it work, you must have a deep- actually, neverending- well of forgiveness. Forgiveness for yourself, for falling in love with such a difficult and demanding partner. Forgiveness for your partner, for not always being able to fulfill the basic roles of partner – dependable, patient, kind, giving, lover. Forgiveness for the universe afflicting your loved one.
I know none of us are perfect, and we lapse in our roles as partner as well. We lose patience, we are selfish, we take offense. However, we often realize it, and we care about your feelings and try to make those mistakes less. However, a person with more severe bipolar will not be able to be a dependable, patient, kind, and giving lover with much regularity. And so, I believe that many if not most people with bipolar should not be part of a romantic relationship.

I just wanted to chime in here and say that I think you are completely and horribly wrong. I (a man) have been in a wonderful relationship with my wife for over 12 years now. We have two amazing children. Not only do I think someone with bipolar can be in a relationship, I think it is vital that they are.

I am a guy, but I am depressed more often than manic. I can get angry, yell and scream and overreact, but I don’t get violent. I do break things sometimes, and often have to stop myself from breaking anything important or expensive. It doesn’t always work, but I try.

As Kait mentioned below, not all people or episodes are the same. Frankly, in my experience, having people I love and who love me help me keep a bit grounded. They know that I can get a bit off, and they have learned to deal with it. If I’m in an angry mood, they stay out of my way, they know it will pass. If I’m depressed, they try their best to cheer me up or at least keep me busy so I don’t hang myself in the garage. Just like any illness, there is some things you learn to deal with, but you continue on.

It sounds to me that you have either a)been hurt badly by someone with the illness or b) are simply cold and heartless and think of no one but yourself. From what it sounds like, it is simply too much trouble for you to have to deal with someone with an illness that requires a bit of attention. You really do come across as cold and uncaring, and that makes me sad.

I am happily married, good father, have never ruined a holiday (if i’m having a bad day, I sit it out), nor have I been violent, nor have I spent us into bankruptcy (i have spent more than I should have), nor have I forgotten a child. I am a prime example of why you are wrong. All the things you described above frankly sounds more like an alcoholic than a bipolar, or just an asshole. Whoever hurt you, I’m sorry that it happened. Whatever made you to be so unfeeling, I’m sorry for that too, but not all of us are so bad.

Mike, I’m sorry that you think I am cold and unfeeling; I disagree with that assessment, but I will admit that being with someone who was so ill for so long certainly did make me jaded. Kait’s original post wasn’t very well rounded in my opinion, far too rosy to be realistic, and so I was countering that with very real examples from my own relationship as well as working with many family members of (other) people who have bipolar. I have heard their stories- there were a lot of negative stories, and I’m sure the bad days may not have outnumbered the good ones, but trauma is more impactful on our lives.

You are unique people, Mike & Kait, and I believe that your anecdotes are those of singular individuals with the internal perspective of living with the disorder. You do not mention if your partner is bipolar, and if not, you cannot have the perspective of a person loving a partner with an illness that can be so outwardly cruel to you. You yourself state that you tend toward depression although sometimes you experience mania. Do you know the experience of being someone/ loving someone with severe mania, even your children? I think you don’t, otherwise you may have said something to that effect. Are either of your children bipolar or have special needs? If not, then you don’t know how dealing with them would trigger your illness. Your individual experiences do not, in my mind, stand against all the people I have met & their stories, let alone my own story and opinion.

It is true, none of my loved ones are bipolar or have any mental illness for that matter. But I AM. This means that I seek out others with the illness, talk to specialists, talk to loved ones of those suffering, so yes, I am aware of how our illness affects others. Oddly enough, I actually talk to my wife about it and how it affects her and the family.

Again, the illness affects everyone differently, and you may have just been unlucky in that regard. When I read your accounts of dealing with the illness in your loved ones, I keep thinking that bipolar is not the only issue. Even “normal” people can be violent, abusive, flighty, ect. Combine bipolar with a bad person, you would indeed get a worse version, especially if drug or alcohol abuse is entered into the mix.

Love and support can be such a big help to anyone dealing with emotional issues. When my first wife left me (shortly after being diagnosed) I almost killed myself because my entire world disappeared, my wife and children were gone. She didn’t try to help, didn’t try to be there for me in this difficult time, she just left. She was scared because of the unknown and the stigma that comes with mental illness. She didn’t even try. Since being with my current wife, I’ve progressed well and have become a better person just because she supports me and gives me a reason to be a better person. Is it easy, no, but she reminds me of reality and helps me get through the darkest times.

Can a bipolar be in a good relationship, absolutely, I’m proof of that. I’m also proof that it is good to have the loving supportive family for someone dealing with a major illness. I may not be the rule, but I don’t think I’m the exception either. Most of those I have met have been in wonderful relationships, supportive relationships. Maybe it’s just the luck of the draw that I’ve seen the good a relationship can do for us, and you’ve seen the damage bipolar can do to a relationship.

For a person dealing with unstable emotions, a stable home can make all the difference. Bad people are bad people, crazy or not.

Kait, I appreciate your attempts not to generalize. You will note that I too said that “many if not most people with bipolar…” Mike is not most people. You are not most people. Your bipolar is “more anxiety and emotional.” Well, so is my (now 13 y.o.) step-son’s, and his symptoms are things like biting and hitting or or being generally destructive like tearing things off walls or breaking things. I removed all the knives from the kitchen during one particularly bad stretch. When he was about 10, his behavior was so violent and unpredictable that his younger brother wanted a security camera for their bedroom, so that we could see what he was doing.
Mike feels that I am “completely and horribly wrong.” I don’t agree. I speak from a very wide perspective actually, knowing MANY people who suffer from their bipolar loved one’s behaviors, including several parents who are now parenting their grandchildren because their bipolar children can’t or don’t. I know wives who’ve lost homes to their bipolar husbands’ spending sprees, wives who’ve contracted STDs from their serially cheating husbands, parents who’ve drained retirement accounts for their children as the child cannot hold a job. I know adult siblings, one of which is so terribly scarred from the violence their bipolar loved one inflicted when they were kids, that they now get panic attacks at the mere mention of a reunion.
“Whatever made you to be so unfeeling, I’m sorry for that too, but not all of us are so bad.” Again, your perspective. I’m far from unfeeling. If I didn’t care so much, I would have bailed long before I did. But I married my bp (not with a marriage license, tho, I was warned by another partner of a bp.) I love the quirky, intelligent, creative, original people my loved ones are. I miss them intensely. But, for my own self-preservation, and to move onto forgiving them, I had to remove myself from the daily onslaught. No, not all of you “are so bad.” But, my point is that while the symptoms of bipolar vary in intensity and duration (and usually get more intense and frequent as one ages, BTW) the symptoms are generally not congruent with a person being a consistently good parent, partner, or friend.

I agree both perspectives should be given. I’ve seen both sides and I’ve seen the abuse so horrid to the mania downgraded to suicide in two of the cases I know of. The serial cheating is also evidence in one person I know to he has over 40 kids.

I love my 55 year old bipolar man and he says he loves me and wants a future with me. However, he also says I trigger his manic episodes (what a temper!) and that this is all my fault.

He feels that the woman for him would not have a personality that does this, and he claims that I’m the only woman who’s ever had this effect on him. At the same time, he’s admitted that I’m also the only woman who has been there for him when he’s in need and has no one else, as well as that I’m the only woman who actually stuck around (he’s done things that other women would, and have, walked away from him for). In fact I believe that is one of the reasons that he has never experienced this type of relationship conflict with another woman: I’m the type who stays and fights to make things work, while the other women were so disgusted by his behavior that they quietly walked away without fighting for the relationship. Thus his memory is simply that he loved them and they never caused him problems aside from leaving! I also think that when they caught him doing something wrong they did not stick around for the 2nd time, 3rd, 4th, 5th and so on. They left at the start, and without a fight, having seen the writing on the wall.

So I’m the bad guy …because I stick around and am there for him through thick and thin, and therefore I’ve seen how ugly it gets and I confront him with his bad behavior and try to make him work with me to ‘fix’ the problems that result.

That’s no fun for him, he’d rather, I guess, look back on his warped memory of women who were great and who ‘it didn’t work out’ with. He’s in denial.

He thinks that the right woman for him will not trigger him and will not challenge him so much on his very unusual ideas of how to conduct an exclusive relationship. And yet, he’s 55 now and never married, with several serious relationships behind him, and a SLEW of ‘partners’ whether they were a one night stand, a weekend, a week, a month, or a few months. So where is this Wonder Woman?

No one stuck around but me. I fight for us when everyone around me tells me to walk away for good.

I’ve seen just about every manifestation of his illness by now (we met in 12/08 and have been on-again, off-again for 4 years) and I’ve had a lot of patience and I’ve made a lot of compromises (we lived together off and on for 2 years). And of everything that is difficult about him, there is only ONE thing (a sort of ‘package deal’) that has consistently caused me heartbreak and him to go into manic episodes, and that is when I have either caught him cheating and confronted him, or when I try to discuss the lack of mainstream relationship boundaries that he verbalizes and exercises which lead to the cheating.

He wants to sweep things those issues under the rug, while I want to talk & make decisions together to prevent the same old problems from continuously happening again.

Our relationship is currently long distance (he is 2 hours away.) He occasionally jabs me for having ‘ruined’ his relationship with a new single female ‘friend’ close to his age (and who he would not introduce me to & who was clearly waiting for her moment to pounce), and for having ’emasculated’ him with her. How did I do these 2 things? By insisting that while coffee out together occasionally to catch up is fine with me, it was NOT all right with me for him to continue to see her– especially not to continue to do the things togehter that he and I would do if I were in town. Nor was it okay with me for him to continue to cry on her shoulder about me and about our relationship. (A habit he had with a woman who he cheated on me with when we were living together. And he cheated a LOT.)

His ‘fix’ for the current problem was to simply stop seeing the woman. I feel this is not a fix, since he clearly resents me for it. His occasionally comments ‘she’d be my friend right now if you hadn’t ruined things’. So over the recent weekend, I tried to discuss this with him and he shut his phone off, saying let’s talk in a couple of days. I phoned two days later to try to make a deal with him that if he could introduce me to any female friend he might be interested in pal-ing around with, that this would give me more confidence in him–I can see it’s no one that is a threat to the relationship. See, in the past there were women he would not introduce me to, and those turned out to be the ones he cheated with, while the 2 he WAS willing to introduce me to turned out to be tried & true friends who I thought were great and I ‘blessed’ his spending time with. This is what I wanted to discuss our trying again with the friend he was lamenting–introduce me and let’s see if it feels right.

Instead he chose again to sweep the issue under the rug, while whining about not ever having a female friend again as long as he’s with me, and that this will have to be good enough for me. He promptly shut his phone off, saying let’s talk in a couple of days.

Again.

So my lifelong bachelor, bipolar guy is so set in his way of thinking now, about relationships, that he has seriously ruined his chance at 55 of ever being a decent mate to anyone & of ever finding someone who’ll hang in there with him. If I don’t have the patience for his attitude, no one will. But he disagrees.

I’m ready to walk.

Sorry I used so much space. I’m literally home from work today, for the 2nd day in a row, when I can’t afford the time off, trying keep myself together and to figure out whether to say goodbye to him for good. It won’t hurt my feelings any if you read this and delete it. I sometimes have a compulsion to write, but I don’t have any need for what I write to stay where it’s written once the thoughts are out and maybe someone could relate to it for a moment 🙂

Thank you for requesting follow up Finally, after more than four years of an on-again, off-again relationship with the man I love, I had to break it off with him.

I gave him plenty of ‘outs’, as I call them. Periodically when we were having a relaxing conversation, I would ask him whether what we had was working out okay for him. I asked him to please discuss it with me if he was feeling a need again to see other women and for us not to be exclusive. I told him that this was very important to me, that he not keep me in the dark this time, that he be open and honest with me if he felt he had to see other women. I told him, yet again, that it is very painful to be cheated on, deeply painful, and that if he wants our relationship to be good, he has to keep me informed about how he feels. I told him I understand if, living a couple of hours from me, it’s just not going to work out, and that we could make the relationship something different. He always assured me that he was not interested in seeing other women. I told him to please not let me find out the ways I had before, always a shocking surprise that broke my heart. He assured me that would never happen again and that he loved me.

He wanted it to work with me, was willing to play by my relationship value system, and would not be seeing other women behind my back this time around. Unfortunately, I found that–while he wasn’t yet paying for it–he’d reopened his Match dot com profile under a new name and was actively reading womens’ profiles and saving to ‘Favorites’ the ones that caught his eye and lived within about 50 miles of him. That always used to be step one of his working toward dating via Match, behind my back, and I couldn’t let us go there yet again.

Worse, I saw emails that he’d been writing to other women. My heart sunk, I felt nauseous, and my hands were shaking, as I found out that he was answering ads on Craigslist, where women would note that they needed a date for a certain club they wanted to go to, or one needed help with a computer and described herself as voluptuous and very attractive, and so on. In his response to the various ads (he’d written about six women so far), he was flirtatious and asking them to reply with a picture, etc. To one he commented that he liked her ad and would like an intellectually curious woman to enjoy things in his local area with. To another he commented how he was involved in local business events and such, and wanted a lady to attend events with him in his area. Other times he just complimented a woman and told her he may be able to meet her (in a town about 75 miles away, at a club. And so on.)

I tried to talk with him about them via phone. He went into a verbally abusive rage, telling me that he was looking only for female friends (I’d been hearing that for years) and that he was done with me because he could not be in a relationship with a “spy”. He again accused me of different, saying that other women don’t feel as I do on this subject, and that I need counseling because I have some undiagnosed mental illness. Complete verbal rage. And then he hung up and phoned my sister and started telling her that I need counseling for mental illness, and so on. Way out of line, and not the first time that he’d done that during an argument.

He is the man I love, who I wanted to have a few last adventures with, and make the best of life with, and then grow old together with. Unfortunately, he is not looking for that one special woman, as he claims in his singles ads, but is looking for a woman who will quietly let him date and travel with all the women he wants. That’s not me. I have been forced to write him off and accept that he will never change.

However, after a short cooling off period for my broken heart, I’ve been able to be a supportive friend in many ways, and like no one else in his family, including his sisters. He recently told me that he loves me deeply and knows that I probably love him more than any woman ever has, or will. I told him he’s right on that.

I also asked him, as I had during the years before, why he never could respect me enough to take the ‘out’ that I always gave him–to end the romantic relationship before he broke my heart via cheating and had us end on a deeply painful note that I would not be able to return from. He never had an answer for this.

In my opinion he is looking for a woman who doesn’t exist. One who will love him ‘unconditionally’, as he puts it. And while he won’t admit this, also one who will put out there to the world that they are in an exclusive relationship, while letting him date other women or travel together with other women (something he also pulled on me). Rotsa ruck wit’ dat, fella.

Once another woman comes into his life for more than dating, he’ll have to find a supportive friend within her, as I will say ‘goodbye’ for good, as I am not willing to let my heart get beat up in that way, despite his protestations that if he ends up with someone, he and I could still be supportive friends. It doesn’t work that way, too brutal for me. I’m not a sadist.

Another good blog. I’m a very lucky one here. I was married when I was diagnosed, she left me a year later. Ten years ago I met my new wife. I was upfront and honest with her about my illness, and she gave me a chance anyway! We are still together, although I know it must be hard on her sometimes, she does what she can to help and forgives some of my, less desirable moods.

I was married for almost a decade before my diagnosis and my wife knew there was something odd about me for most of that time. She accepted it though. That’s the important part, being happy to take the rough with the smooth.

I think, all too often, mental illness is a scapegoat as much as a cause of break-ups. People use it to justify behaviour that they would have had to find other reasons for, so maybe it is easier to break up with a mentally-ill person because you can blame their illness rather than admitting that you’re a shallow person with no respect.

Thanks for your comment. I can agree with you about how easy it can be to blame an individual with a mental illness in a relationship. I have found that those people who choose to blame the person with a diagnosis are often disrespectful and uneducated. There are plenty of good people in this world that understand everyone will make mistakes and that no one is perfect with mental illness or not.

I vote yes as well. I spent many years lonely and alone, thinking that no one could ever love me because of my Bipolar disorder and in fact I was trashed by more than one person because of it. But when I was 57 I met a man who is now my life partner and we’ve been together for almost 5 years now. He knew about who I was and about my illness from the get go and never has judged me for it. He’s the most patient, kind and understanding man I’ve ever known, tho he doesn’t always get it to be fair. But he tries hard and he listens and he jokes me out of my moods so well I can only think I am truly blessed. And it happened to me when I was an older gay man too, and the gay world is Not kind to its elders. So I say don’t ever give up on love. It’s always possible. Men or women it doesn’t matter who you love. It may be hard, but keep trying and stay open to possibilities and try not to judge yourself too harshly. If you keep the faith in your own worth and a good attitude then things can and will change.

Thanks so much for this post Kait, and for following my blog. All the best to you. I like the title of your blog too…;)
Steve

Thank you and you’re welcome. I truly believe that there is a special person out there for everyone, but it does take time. I am so happy to hear that you’ve met your match. Best of luck to you and thank you for reading.

It’s too late for spousal support, eight years too late. My wife did find a NAMI group who helped her, leave.
I have been reading profiles on dating sites and terms like no drama, sane, healthy keep coming up in the woman’s description of the man they are seeking. At 58 I am up against the bitter taste every man they knew had left in their mouth. I don’t blame them if I had weathered what many of them had, I would want to spend the last act of my life in something pleasant and work free.
Maybe it’s the sting of another freshly failed attempt, but right now hope is the foulest of four letter words. I know the pattern. Rejected, bitter, cynical, fly solo awhile, begin to hope, start making an effort, find someone, elation, mood swings, hurt, arguments, disillusionment, hard words, closing door… repeat. Eight years six times.
Funny the very thing I am seeking, love, as with any other strong emotion can be a trigger. The very thing I need triggers it’s own destruction
My brain hates me.

When I was first diagnosed, released from the hospital I found a support group. My wife started a search of her own for a support group for spouses of people with Bipolar Disorder. After a long and fruitless search she was told that there are no support groups for spouses. The reason? There are no spouses of people with Bipolar Disorder. Three years later she proved that comment correct. I have been struggling the last eight years to find myself in a loving committed relationship, to no avail. It gets in the way. I am an older adult and all the women I have encountered have had some sour taste in their mouth from their past and when I start acting up there is no tolerance, no understanding, no compassion, I have maintained for years about the non afflicted, if they don’t got it they don’t get it. I try to remain stable, I apologize, I try to atone but every time it ends up that they leave.
I agree with your strategies for partners, but after a woman has been through a bad marriage and has finally got herself together the last thing she want is to jump back into the fire. No, they have their kids and grandchildren and that can be all they need if the alternative is men like me.

I’m sorry to hear about your relationship troubles.. There actually are support groups available for spouses and caregivers like The Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA), for example http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=home. As well as couples counseling too. I know that it can be stressful to be in a relationship with someone who struggles with a mental illness, but (and I say this respectfully) maybe they weren’t the right type of women to be with in the first place. There are a lot of cruel and close-minded people in this world, but there are also a lot of good hearted and understanding people out there too. It’s just a matter of finding the right type of person that can be good to you and is open-minded to helping you. I wish you the best of luck finding your mrs. right. She is out there. Thank you for commenting! 🙂

A few months ago I met a terrific man who is bipolar 1. This information and all about his withdrawal from the world was made known to me on the first meeting. In these months I have only seen him in person a few times. I do not bother him or try to force him into any kind of commitment in that he has a hard time following through. This I have accepted and my life oes on. I date and still meet people but this man is o special o me. He has my heart and it makes it hard for me to move on, to give someone a chance. I want him in my life and I want him to know I will ALWAYS be here for him. We are both honest, he in his belief that he cannot have a stable and normal relationship, and he knows I have seen other people. He wants me to be happy. Sometimes I feel I could live with the bad times and savor the good times when they come, but to what Avila. What kind of emotional toll would this put on you as time goes by?

Wow what a great post.. I wish I had known my illness and read this post 20 yrs ago.. lol I had a husband that gave me no support but verbally beat me down emotionally and blamed everything on my illness once it was diagnosed. Refused to support me through my healing and honestly I was a mess, thought i was a terrible person.. but after we split up I found the truth.. and a very nice man who accepts me for who I am.. Having the right person is Key to ANY relationship.. But you have to think you deserve that person before you will find them.. thank you for this article.. im following you now

I can totally understand. I’m sorry that you too went through a similar situation. I had a boyfriend at one time that wasn’t understanding at all and blamed me in the end. He was also abusive and very controlling.

I’m glad you were able to find the truth as well! Isn’t love amazing when it’s real and beautiful? I’m very happy to hear that you found a great person.

Thanks for commenting and following me. Very much appreciated. It’s nice to meet you! 🙂

Unfortunately, most of the time some of what happens during an episode is blocked out of a bipolar person’s memory like a blackout, or their memories are distorted by the delusions reality is/was filtered through. Or they’re just unable to see things from a point of view outside their own for that period.
My bipolar ex thinks he’s the victim in his relationship with me, his previous ex-, his parents, the schools, the church… too, but doesn’t remember starting fist fights and trying to stab someone, hitting/ kicking his kids, kicking me, being financially reckless and driving a family to the brink of homelessness… How should one respond to that? With affection and immediate forgiveness? How about when it happens over and over and over?
I grant you that this is an extreme example, but bipolar spouses have also been known to do all these things. And relapse happens. Meaning these awful things will happen again. And the NT spouse is along for the ride. Again. What person doesn’t become controlling, when they feel the person attached to them is dragging both of them down with their out of control behavior? What person doesn’t become bitter and disenchanted – partnership is about mutual support. When one partner takes far more than they give, something’s got to give.

I am so sorry you had experienced this. It does sound like an extreme case, most definitely. When manic or depressed, I, personally don;t black out as I remember it all. I am wondering if he should seek treatment such as hospitalization or an alternative. These types of behaviors need to be addressed by a professional if he is open to getting treatment.. I am so sorry to hear what you went through..

I realise this is a really old post but this is my life … blamed for everything, verbally and physically abused and completely unsupported. We had kids before he was diagnosed and now I can’t rely on him to do anything at all with the kids. It feels like a living nightmare and I can’t leave because if I do he will kill himself.