This Week in the Laboratories of Democracy

Welcome back to our weekly survey of what's going down in the several states, where, as we are constantly reminded, the real work of governmentin' gets done and the truth is found to be lies and all the joy within you dies.

We begin, thanks to that noble savage, Friedman Of The Plains, in Oklahoma, where we discover that the deeply sanctified religious enterprise known as Hobby Lobby has taken a stand against the godless medication of its lady employees and their ladyparts....

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"Hobby Lobby has always been a tool of the Lord's work. But now our faith is being challenged by the federal government," Green said in a teleconference after the suit was filed.

I was not aware that Lazarus had been patched together with Legos and airplane glue, but we are learning new things about the Scriptures all the time.

(It should be noted also that Missouri has stood by Jesus and his pipe-cleaner disciples from Oklahoma.)

Having vowed to buy our popsicle sticks and art supplies in more pagan quarters, we move up to Ohio, where a state representative named Jim Buchy has vowed to ban all abortions forever in Ohio, although, he has to admit, he doesn't really know what the whole thing is all about:

"Well, there's probably a lot of — I'm not a woman so I'm thinking, if I'm a woman, why would I want to get — some of it has to do with economics. A lot has to do with economics. I don't know, I have never — It's a question I have never thought about."

One wonders what questions do trouble Rep. Buchy, and how long does he linger over the sneeze-guard in the salad line trying to parse out the answers.

So we grab a couple of radishes behind his back and bolt for Florida, where Governor Batboy's unique policy solutions have caught the attention of federal investigators who fail to appreciate the innovative techniques of child-rearing that have made the state the place where Dickens would do his research if he came back to life.

Perez, in the DOJ letter, noted that the state of Florida has rejected federal health care grants to place some of the children in community-based programs. "The state has ... systematically reduced or rejected funding for community based services — in 2011, for example, the state rejected nearly $40 million in federal dollars designated specifically to support individuals transitioning from nursing facilities and other institutional settings to the community." Perez noted in the letter.

Because children are not truly free until we remove the shackles of federal regulations and warehouse them with people four times their age, This is the liberty the Founders had in mind. And, it's cheaper.

The all-Republican board — which consists of Secretary of State Kris Kobach, Lt. Gov. Jeff Colyer and Attorney General Derek Schmidt — has the power to remove Obama from the ballot in his mother's home state.

Kobach, as we know, is a key advisor to the campaign of Willard Romney. Okay, Willard, what're you going to tell your boy? Clock's tickin'.