And the winner of Celebrity Big Brother is... someone who's had sex with Jordan! Of course.

Wow. Can you believe that Alex Reid has actually gone and won bloody Celebrity bloody Big bloody Brother? OK, so we've been supporting him since, ooh, roughly about the time we went right off Peter Andre
, but we're still shocked that such a doofus only went and did it - and with a not too shoddy 65.9% of the final vote.

No point in mincing our words - when Alex went into the CBB house, we all assumed he was a massive twat. And he kind of was... but as massive twats go, he was a pretty likeable one. He took his clothes off, he talked crap, he found God - what more can you ask for from a housemate?

The fact that the final two contestants in the CBB house were Alex and Dane just shows the terrifying power of Jordan. And we hereby demand that some lame-o digital channel or other commissions a reality show where the various ex-lovers of Jordan battle it out to be named the mostest acest - Alex, Dane, Pete, plus Ggggggareth Gates, that random Gladiator, Dwight Yorke... can you imagine how entertaining it would be? We can smell the pumping jizz testosterone from here.

So, anyway, well done to Alex for winning the last ever Celebrity Big Brother. It says a lot of well clever stuff about the nature of celebrity in this day and age, and we're sure it will all make sense in due course. But for now, we feel a bit shocked, a bit impressed and a whole lot amused. Which is probably much how Jordan feels, too...