For the past few days I feel like I am smothering and can’t breathe. After breaking it down, I now know what the problem is.
My best friend’s daughter is getting married next month and I am invited, along with 3 other very close friends. We have all been spread out over the country for the last 6 years, so this will be a reunion/drink session. I told them all, that I had stopped drinking, but it was a huge joke among everyone (they still don’t believe me as I was the party queen, and always ready for the road)
What has caused me such stress/panic, is that I don’t know if I could handle 4 days in this enviroment, and how would I tell my friend I had changed my mind about celebrating in her daughters special day. AAHHHH!!! I hate this feeling of not being able to make a decision. Has anyone ever had to choose their state of mind over other’s happiness?

I avoided quite a few weddings in early sobriety. My best friend from law school in which I would have been a groomsman. My niece who I am very close with. And a few lesser friends which really weren’t a big deal. Regardless of your attendance the wedding will go on. Might be best to sit this one out.

Thank you for your reply. This is the first time since I stopped drinking that I have had to choose what is going to make me happy/content, over other peoples joy. I have had no desire to drink for the past 3 months, but in the back of my mind I know this could turn out to be a diaster - for me…
I will say my Serenity Prayer, listen to those on this site, call my friend and shut down this noise, that is taking up so much of my energy.

You can always make a plan to meet her and her daughter at a later date to catch up as well. I just had my wedding last week and I barely got a chance to see any of my friends or family. Neither did my parents because we were all running around keeping things going smoothly. You probably wouldn’t get to see your friend much anyway.

At 6 months sober, I backed out of my best friend’s cancer walk girl’s weekend (she is a survivor and the walk was VERY important to her)…it was 100% the right decision. It did cause me a lot of angst leading up to it, but I don’t regret it. I don’t know if I would have drank, but I know I would have spent 3 days worrying about it if I had attended.

Sometimes we need to make our sobriety the most important thing in our lives in order to stay focused and clear. There is no shame in taking care of your mental and physical health.

I agree with the others about deciding if the wedding is REALLY something you need to go to.

But on the flip side:

Derggirl:

What has caused me such stress/panic, is that I don’t know if I could handle 4 days in this enviroment

YES, you absolutely can handle it. It may take a lot of work and a lot of resolve, but you can do it. Early on when I went to these kinds of gatherings it was really hard. All I did was sit there and stare at everyone’s glasses wishing I could have one. OR I could smell the drinks and I just wanted to run out of the room but sat there fearing it would look rude. But in the end…I GOT THROUGH IT. I didn’t explode or burst into flames. And I didn’t drink.

So, if you think you can get out of the wedding…do it. If you think you can’t get out of the wedding…go and be strong. Which ever choice you make I promise you that you will be so proud of yourself for staying sober.

Don’t go. If he’s your best friend he’ll totally understand, and have your best wishes at heart as well as his daughters.

If not, fuck it. Your life, your sobriety. Do you really want to chance waking up the morning after the wedding feeling like shit and probably going back down to the bar once everybody has fucked off home?

If my daughter was getting married tomorrow I’d walk her down the aisle, have the dance, kiss her and tell her good luck. Then get the fuck outta there if my head wasn’t in the right place. I’d literally ditch anything to stay sober. Selfish, hell yes. But so is drinking when you’re an alcoholic.

Your sobriety is ALWAYS more valuable than someone else’s bullshit. So what? You will appease some old friends for a few days while relapsing and starting down a bad road again. Count the cost of what happens AFTER this weekend if you start drinking. It is not worth it…

Someone asked me yesterday if my sobriety was permanent and I said that is the goal. They looked disappointed and said they miss my drinking activities. They seemed over it five minutes later…If your friends cannot support you in this they are really only drinking buddies and not friends…

I will not drink today, but when I start planning so far in advance, I get really overwhemled. This wedding, the reunion with friends, the celebrations, and the reminiscing of the “fun times” is too much, and I can’t do it.

You are so right! I would be the one that would have to sit in my own head, and fight the demons that hunt me. The anxiety I feel now, is nothing to the morning after depression that I once suffered in the name of alcohol.

LOL. They have never spent a night, let alone 4 nights with sober, Mandy, so god knows that could end a friendship right there!!
Anyway, with everyone’s kind words and advice, I have choosen not to go to wedding. Taking care of me is a priority right now, and that is what matters. Thank you everyone, I am back on track

It’s proper shit we have to make these sacrifices and massively unfair but we are talking your mental and physical well being as well as those around you. Don’t go, then treat yourself to something as a reward. Just not a drink I wish you all the very best