10 Reasons You Have No Chance of Winning a Gold Medal — The Funnies

The Olympics are finally here and you’re watching in anticipation. You love the coverage of every Olympic event, and you find yourself running home after work to watch Michael Phelps splish splash his way to victory. The floor routines in female gymnastics leave you giddy, while the volleyball coverage makes you squirm with delight.

With all of this coverage of healthy competition, you think you can one day stand atop of that Olympic stage. The sad fact is — you’re only really good at watching the games…not so much participating. Here are 10 reasons why you won’t win a gold medal anytime soon.

1. That tragic pogo stick accident you had back in 1984.

2. You think the 100-meter dash is the name of a mixed drink.

3. You can’t spell sportsmanship, yet alone practice it.

4. You don’t know the words to ‘The Star-Spangled Banner.’

5. Synchronized couch surfing will never be an Olympic sport.

6. You’d rather roast marshmallows by the Olympic torch.

7. You haven’t made it out of the kiddie pool yet.

8. You tend to trip people who pass you while you’re jogging.

9. You thought that paternity test you took on ‘Maury’ would qualify you for the Olympics.

10. You think gymnastics is the way you pick up women when you’re at the gym.

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