Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Ok, well I take that back, she DID have a carrot patch growing on her face..... But I fixed that.... You see she had neglected her eyebrows for 10 years. The one thing on your face that can change the way you look. And yet the change is so subtle, she just looks refreshed.

It was kinda cute, cause when I was pulling the hairs out, they had roots that were attached to her brain stem, (Ready in a hillbilly accent ~I swear to God they were). As I plucked them her little face would twitch like a rabbits nose... It was pretty cute...

And I gotta say this is the same friend that referred to the herd of camels in my pants a few weeks ago, so yeah... I won't lie... I took a little satisfaction in plucking those hairs out one by one!!!

So I realized the other day that I haven't smoked in a month.... I hadn't realized it but the gym actually took away the craving for a cigarette. Now don't get me wrong, there were still times that I wanted one. There were still times I thought I was so stressed out that I wouldn't make it through without one.... But guess what I did.

But the biggest accomplishment for me I think was making it through a court hearing without having one... That was the whole reason I started smoking again after 6 years. The stress of going into that court room, looking at the face of a murderer. The man that took away life as I knew it.

But I got through Friday without one. There were moments when I thought I was gonna be weak. Instead of going home , having a cold beer and a smoke on my front steps I went to lunch with 2 girlfriends... I think that is what did it. After lunch with them I got home, and made a conscious choice not to have one.

Besides, I can't even tell you guys how bad my lungs BURN when I'm working out. It's getting better, but in the beginning, I thought they were going to EXPLODE!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

I've learned this the hard way.... But sometimes I forget it... I had a moment tonight when I forgot it.... Looking outside yourself for validation, of anything, let it be compliments from others, someone to tell you are strong, you are a good mom, anything, it only leads to heartache in the end.

Everyone should remember that no matter what it is that you are seeking... The answers truly lie within you. If you don't truly feel as though you are beautiful, line up a thousand people to tell you just that... You'll go to bed feeling like a rockstar, but guess what when you wake up in the morning, you'll be looking for just one of those thousand people to remind you.

Don't think you're a good mom? Join a mommies group, bring the snacks, have play dates at your place, let all the other moms tell you that they "just don't know how you do it." They leave and you feel like mother of the year.... You're awesome... You tuck your kids in for bed, read 'em a story, shut the light off, go crawl in your own bed so proud that everyone thinks you are a great mom. Then wake up late the next morning and take it out on your kids..... Can't find your trophy can you?

You must know and believe in yourself in all that you do, think, and say. It's no one's job to tell you how much they love you. You need to know that you are loveable. No matter what you look like, or how much you weigh, you are beautiful. No matter how many people tell you "you're so strong" you need to know before you put that razor to your wrist, or swallow those pills, that deep down you WILL make it through. You will find your way.

If you don't believe in you...... All the belief, and encouragement, and support won't ever be enough.....

Everything you could ever possibly need will only be found within yourself.....