Annabelle and Scarlett Darling are sisters who are very wise and love telling others what to do through a hilarious advice blog.

Emergency steps, redefined

About this blog

By Annabelle / Scarlett

Annabelle and Scarlett Darling are sisters who are very wise and love telling others what to do. They are very good at fixing others, themselves, not quite so much. Annabelle - who trained as a life coach - says that's how it's done. Both are in
...

Annabelle and Scarlett Darling are sisters who are very wise and love telling others what to do. They are very good at fixing others, themselves, not quite so much. Annabelle - who trained as a life coach - says that's how it's done. Both are in their 30s, although Scarlett is quick to point out that one of them (not Scarlett) is heading out of her 30s. Fast. Please send your questions to annabelleandscarlett@gmail.com

Annabelle, I asked Joe about his emergency, backup mom-for-our-kids list and it turns out he doesn’t even have one.

What the heck are you talking about, Scarlett? Who DOES that?! Not anyone normal, that’s for sure.

But what’s he going to do if I get hit by a bus? Start completely fresh with no backup plan?

I think it’s horrible that you even thought of such a thing as an emergency stepmother list. I’m relieved he doesn’t have one. And frankly, you should be too, Scarlett.

I’m not saying he’d be driving the bus that hits me, Annabelle. I’m just saying that a list of options in case of catastrophe takes the edge off the “what if” panic. He’s not going to make the kids’ sandwiches all by himself if I’m not there. Actually, he does make the sandwiches by himself. But there’s probably something I do that he’d miss.

People just don’t do that - make lists of people who’d take the place of their dead spouse in a pinch! He would need to be alone, for a few weeks at least. Then he’d be pursued by every single lady in town, then go online and go on a lot of really bad first dates. It’s right there in the rules of grieving. You know, along with denial and shopping for food your spouse wouldn’t let you eat.

Well why do they call them emergency stepparents then, smarty pants? It’s a thing. You set up your will, your medical power of attorney and your emergency steps.

Scarlett, no one except you calls them that. Truly, there’s no such thing.

There is now.

Okay… let’s get to some real questions, from some non-crazy people.

Q: We’re renovating our house and want to be sure what we do is going to add to the value, not detract from it. Any suggestions on things to avoid? - Paint Chip Patty

A: No avocado and goldenrod appliances for starters.

S: Unless you’re building a Partridge Family Tribute House.

A: Ohh….You just reminded me how much I always wanted a Brady Bunch house! That sweeping staircase, all that square footage and only three bedrooms? It made no sense and I loved it.

S: But don’t put in a pool. In the yard, I mean. Not just the kitchen.

A: How about cat doors? I bet people would love those!

S: But no cat-motif wallpaper. Even though it goes with everything.

A: Good point, Scarlett. And cat wallpaper is really hard to remove - take it from me. I say go neutral. Kitchens and bathrooms are places everyone uses, focus on them.

S: Dumbwaiters are awesome, but not politically correct.

A: How about a smart waiter you control with your phone, that would be amazing! Is there an app for that?

S: Yeah, Patty! Make your whole house smart so it does everything for you. We don’t know anyone with one of those, so it could go either way, but we vote you the guinea pig. Do it and let us know if your property value tanks. If it does, have your house hack the real estate market.

Q: My boyfriend is always making suggestions about what I order when we go out to eat. Even if I get a salad, he gives me the eye when I ask for blue cheese dressing. I’m pretty healthy all around, but I guess there’s room for improvement. He’s doing this because he loves me, right? - Starving in Stanford

A: You are fine just the way you are. He on the other hand is controlling and mean. Run. Run far away and eat whatever kind of salad you want. Get croutons! And cheese!

S: The thing is, he’s not a boyfriend. Boyfriends are people who make you glad to be you and glad you’re with them. If you want a calorie counter, get an app for that and eat your cheesey croutons in peace.

A: Amen to that, Scarlett. Someone who loves you makes you feel good about yourself. And will eat snacks with you. Mostly healthy, since you want to live, like, forever.

S: We’re not saying to dump him. Just to… not think of him as a boyfriend or let him influence your choices in ways that make you feel uncomfortable.