Otherwise known as my constant attempts to enter the coveted Land of the Fertile, and stay there.

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Needle Phobia

Well, I gave myself the first of what is probably many shots tonight. I was okay up until the time I actually had to put the needle in-now, granted it is only a 28 gauge needle, and it didn't hurt once it was in, but to see thr thing up close was scary as shit. I freaked out and couldn't do it at first. Poor Sean was there trying to help me through it, but he couldn't literally hold my hand, as I needed both of them. He just kept saying how strong I was, that this first injection was the hardest, that he loved me, and I was there shaking like a leaf and crying-At one point I honestly didn't think that I could do it, and that I'd have to call my mother-in-law to come over and help me-I actually have a slight phobia about needles. I had a semi-tramautic experience when I was 7 when I had bloodwork done at a hospital. The tech used the wrong gauge needle and my arm actually bruised from my wrist all the way to my elbow. My mom just thought that I was being "difficult" but in reality I was in excruciating pain. I was also being held down, which didn't help the situation. Tonight's shot only took me about 15 minutes to get the balls to stick it in (heh, I said "stick it in"....nice..)my belly; hopefully it won't take so long tomorrow night.I cried afterward for about 20 minutes (didn't help that I was watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition), had a piece of Godiva chocolate (I promised myself that every night after my shot I could treat myself to one piece of chocolate with almonds) and Sean made me some Hershey's cocoa. My mother told me that I'm going to get fat, but fuck it. I already told Sean and my mom that if I get pregnant I'm gonna treat myself to a laptop and wireless internet connection, so I can blog happily and surf the Internet from the comfort of my own bed-hey, why the hell not, right?I have a bit of a headache, which is either a result of the Lupron, or the fact that I was worked up before-probably the latter, as I think that any side effects (headaches, night sweats and hot flashes being among them-whoopee, can't wait for that!) the meds wouldn't kick in yet, but I could be wrong. Gonna dope up on Tylenol and crash........

Who I Am

This is my story, about a woman in her thirties who's tubally infertile, been through multiple IVF's, too many FET cycles to count and some miscarriages, and trying to deal with the mess of it all. Now, with new and improved Donor IVF! Strap yourself in for the ride though-it's definitely going to be a bumpy one!