I am carb cycling, gluten-freeing, and learning to THRIVE especially while dodging fibromyalgia and Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. Losing weight is tough work for anyone but for a chronic babe like me it really is a matter of WEIGHING HEALTHY choices and finding what works for my body.

I kid you not I stared at the screen for a good 20 minutes trying to process the weight of those words.

Even now as I’m writing this out I’m still so stunned I can hardly believe it because other than the healthy dose of doubt going into my weight loss surgery and through the rest of my resolutionless year I cannot tag a single one of those words to my experience.

Letting myself off the hook with sane, reasonable, and even downright unrealistic New Year’s Resolutions was…

But what an amazing year it’s been. A wild ride. In many ways one of the hardest years of my life. To be perfectly frank, in some ways the hardness of the year helped to dull the excitement of finally, FI-NAL-LY seeing my body lose weight. The lowlights formed an abyss however. I consumed so much mental and emotional energy to keep me from succumbing to it that sometimes I felt that’s all I was doing. I have been describing it as my best, worst year. However the irony is that is where The Year of Probability helped me so much.

“Just believe things are probable,” became my peace-phrase whenever life would shove me off a cliff.

Without the weight of goals, I could just let the year be…ugly, unpredictable, gorgeous, and brave sometimes all at the same time.

My plans didn’t get ruined by all these life moments. As I started noticing life was happening but I was still working toward nothing specific really the harder I wanted to work. Every time life would knock me back, I would take some time to lick my wounds, and then say, “Okay Life…But, I’ve got goals to get.” Beautiful, undefined, unlisted, unresolved goals.

I wish I could go back in time to remember if there was someone or something which inspired me to let my soul focus be believing in the power of probability but I honestly don’t remember what it was.

But as the year progress I did most definitely recognize the alchemy brewing.

So here I sit in the pre-dawn hours of 2017 still basking in that magic and grateful 2016 is so yesterday. For as much as I learned I’m not sure I’m all too eager to repeat the violent lessons.

This is year is all about letting myself go in bolder, braver ways than I could have ever let myself fantasize about 365 days ago. It’s about gathering-in all that is before me and using it for my own good. It’s about allowing the probability of change without forcing it.

Having goals is great but 2016 taught me it’s not so much about creating a checklist to get to them as it is not limiting myself to one set of turn-by-turn instructions. Sometimes those wrong turns, those dead ends, those unexpected orange cones forcing you to a single lane where you’ll be stuck for hours lead you to the most amazing moments of your life and if your too focused on the list you made under the crush of the clock striking twelve you might miss out on what you were really supposed to learn on your journey.

Be open…know what you want but be open to the 10,000 other ways you can get there.