That leaves the press release left outside the mail room by the resident faculty as they made their way from the wine cellar library where they spent the weekend drinking thinking on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum (“More wine, more truth”) to the hot tub faculty lounge for their weekly game where the underwear goes flying planning conference. The press release read:

Fizzisists use sonar to locate last ‘first’ video game.

The staff were dubious about this release, for several reasons. First, the Fizzix Department haven’t issued a press release since next June, when their time travel machine failed. Second, the Fizzix Department has no sonar equipment … or so we thought.

Awhile back, the faculty senate voted to buy a fish finder, after a six-hour debate over whether to take a bathroom break, claiming it was in response to this alert from Pootie the Precious:

Chef noted that she didn’t need a fish finder because the grocery aisles have signs. The faculty senate next argued that the Professor of Astrology Janitor might need it, but he noted that sonar doesn’t work in the vacuum of space so a fish finder would not help him research the Bippiescopes. Even Pootie the Precious objected, texting:

PootieP@BPI Dat masheen costz moar dan da kans.

The staff thought that ended the matter, but we noticed the Squirrel had remained suspiciously silent throughout this discussion. Chef gave him That Look, and he tapped on his Blewberry:

Squirrel@BPI This isn’t me. You can see it’s not me.

Umm-hmm. Chef gave him That Look again, and again he went to his Blewberry:

Squirrel@BPI It’s my neighbor, Phinnyus Phlytail. But he wasn’t having any luck, so I put the request in to the faculty senate.

Apparently the resident faculty did have access to sonar equipment. And of course that cleared everything up. Obviously, they pinged the Internet, discovered the last ‘first’ video game …