Heat up Your Sex Life!

Reignite the romance in your relationship with these red-hot tips

Dec 22, 2010

If sex with your partner isn't what it used to be, simply hoping it will improve isn't likely to work. You need a plan. That's why we talked to sex experts and real couples to find out how you can put the "bang" back in banging. Use their tips below, and then check out the rest of the stories on this page. From fun, sizzling sex positions to new bedroom "techniques", you'll find everything you need to blow her mind—and have her moaning for more.

1. Try Anything OnceYou'd think the sexual repertoire of couples would broaden over time, but it actually tends to narrow as comfort sets in. That's why Lex and Leslie have a pact: Nothing is off limits. "The last new position we tried was where Leslie was on her back with her legs curled up so her ankles were near her head, and I was positioned above her," says Lex. "We joked about her being a contortionist, but she really liked the intense eye contact it provided." Novelty ignites passion by increasing your brain's levels of dopamine, a neurotransmitter linked to romance and sex drive, says biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D. Fisher has been studying relationship biology for more than two decades. "So if you keep doing things that are new and different, you have a better chance of sustaining the romance," she says. Okay, but how do you get your partner to don a Catwoman suit and purr? "Just ask," says Lex. "Make sure she knows you don't expect her to do it ever again. And be willing to do anything for her, too. Once."

2. Pump Yourselves UpExercise works wonders not only on your body, but also on your woman. "Vigorous activities, such as jogging and spinning, release endorphins that improve your mood and relax you," says American Council on Exercise spokesman Gregory Florez. "In the hours following 30 to 40 minutes of cardio, skin temperature is elevated and your sense of touch is heightened. It's a great time for intimacy." You may not even need to shower first. "Sweat is an aphrodisiac," says Florez, who is also the CEO of FitAdvisor.com. "The smell of perspiration from a clean person is arousing. Postexercise, your brain is in a state of hyperarousal, and your body may be as well."

3. Break out the GamesRemember those innocent teen games, such as truth or dare and spin the bottle? Embracing them now, only not so innocently this time, can reignite your fire.

Jon and Susanna, a couple for 10 years, have sex with Parker Brothers all the time. It's not as kinky as it sounds—they trade Scrabble points for 3-minute sexual favors. "It can be a massage, kissing, oral sex, talking dirty, a dance, whatever we want," Susanna says. "Last time we played, Jon asked me for a striptease. I made him think I was going all the way—but I stopped when I was down to my panties." The game is all about the tease. "Scrabble kicks up our ETS—estimated time for sex. The game disintegrates slowly, usually when one of our trysts becomes about getting the other person off."

Psychiatrist and sex therapist Barbara Bartlik, M.D., explains why silly games lead to crazy sex: "Bringing an item into the bedroom, like a board game, forces you to think about how you're going to use this item to make the experience different. Whoever dreamed up the idea feels triumphant, while the other person feels well attended to. These positive experiences feed our relationships and make love last." Whether it's Scrabble or Battleship doesn't really matter. "The best thing is, it takes the guesswork out of communication," says Jon. "It gives us structure, and it's fun to have a built-in forum to ask for what we want sexually."4. Schedule Sex by the HourBetter sex will lead to more sex, says Dr. Bartlik. So forget the quickies, and love each other longtime. Consider making an appointment that neither of you is allowed to cancel: Lie in bed together for 1 hour on a weekend morning. You might just chat, or you might rock the sheets like porn stars. Either way, you're connecting. Let's say you're like Brian and his wife, Mary—you don't necessarily have the luxury of a lazy Saturday morning. "When we first met, we had sex every day," says Mary. "But we're parents now and don't have as much time. Now it's just once a week. But with an hour or two of sexual activity, it's always amazing and meaningful."

Having been together for 10 years, the couple lets the anticipation build with extended foreplay that can last as long as an hour. "We start slowly—mostly just hands, bodies, and mouths everywhere," Mary says. "Eventually, we move into all types of sex—fast, slow, gentle. Brian tries to hold out an hour before we explode." More of a 5-minute man than a marathon man? Try these stamina boosters from Barbara Carrellas, author of Urban Tantra. "Stop stroking or thrusting your penis for 10 to 20 seconds. Relax completely, take your focus away from your genitals, and instead focus more on your breathing."

The best way of all to avoid premature ejaculation? "Relax, breathe deeply, and slow down," Carellas says. "This is easier in a passive, receptive mode, so let her be on top. Ask her to stop or slow down before you reach climax. She can continue to touch and stroke you all over your body—except for your penis, that is."

5. Plan an ExcursionFor Lesley and Tim, sex isn't just part of a vacation: It's the very reason for the getaway. Travel is usually the most draining aspect of time away, but this couple actually plans trips around where and how they might have sex along the way. Recent exploits for the couple, together for 4 years, included oral sex on a flight to Aruba, and sex under a blanket on another flight—this one to Bermuda. "There was nobody around, and we tried to stay inconspicuous," Tim recalls. Rather than dampening sex drive, the possibility of getting caught can send sexual desire into overdrive. It's why the Mile High Club is such a non-exclusive fraternity.

Luckily, you don't have to fly to a far-flung land to take your sexual satisfaction to new altitudes. "Surprise your partner on a random Monday or Tuesday," suggests Megan Andelloux, director of the Miko Learning and Resource Center, in Providence, Rhode Island. "At dusk, blindfold her and lead her to the car. As you drive to a remote location, her excitement will build. When you arrive, take off her blindfold and spend lots of time making out in your car before relocating to the backseat.

"Even if you end up just 2 blocks from home, the sex will be worlds away."

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