Chad Johnson Sex Tape

Can I get a slow clap for Chad Johnson Ochocinco Johnson Johnson, please? The man is unbelievable. Not only has he been shuffled around the NFL before being fired, he's a literary master at making pizza box metaphors, a D-list playboy, a head-butter, and a reality star who knows that there is no shame in needing subtitles when asking his then fiance Evelyn Lozada how she feels about a threesome. There is something about that level of shamelessness that deserves some sort of credit. And gag.

As you all know, Chad can also add amateur porn star to his stellar resume. Someone leaked a sex tape of Chad and a tatted mistress doing the dirty, and said video was leaked by some media outlets. Wow, Basketball Wives' Evelyn is certainly a lucky lady as she and her former husband continue to "work on themselves."

I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news – and please don't blame the messenger – but if you were dying to have something in common with Evelyn Lozada (and thousands of other women) and see Chad Johnson naked, you've lost your chance!

Days after a verified Chad sex tape started circling round the net, the Basketball Wives star contacted the FBI to open a fornication file about its illegal distribution, which he claims was hacked from his cell phone. And who keeps sex tapes on their phone I wonder? Kris Jenner? Kim K?