Asleep in the hay

College assignment: An eye witness account of something I couldn’t possibly haveseen.
I decided to attempt a scripted version of this. Not sure I really got what wanted down on paper, so I might tackle this again some other time. Anyway, here it is. Excuse the formatting, it’s gone a bit shonky.

Fade up from black.

Int- Pub. The sound of pool being played, beers being ordered and fruit machines being fed.

Jeff:

Seriously mate, you a’narf come out with some utter bollocks sometimes. Like that time you tried to tell us you used to be Peppa Middleton’s bum chum?

Billy:
Pippa.

Jeff:
What?

Billy:

Her name was Pippa. Is. Her name’s Pippa. And I never said I was her bum chum. I used to go out with her best mate’s cousin and…

Jeff:

Peppa, Popper, Plipper, Pippa, whatever. The point is, you really do come out with some shit, Bill.

Craig:

Hang on, I think we’re missing the point a bit here. Claiming to be a mate’s mate of the queen’s sister is one thing but to come in here, bold as brass, on a Sunday of all days and say that..

Billy:

…that I was at the birth of Jesus Christ.

Craig:

That you were at the birth of Jesus Christ. Yes. Can you even hear yourself speak, mate? How are we only hearing about this now, by the way? Why not last Wednesday at 5s, or the other month at the Lane? Why now? Why are you choosing today to come forth with this grandiose bullshit? Was you touched in the night by an angel..?

Jeff:

[under his breath so everyone can hear] More likely he was touched by his uncle Dave.

Craig:

…Or are you just bored?

Billy stands staring at Craig, then looks down at his pint glass.

Flashback- Billy is staggering home drunk from The Cross on the Hill, a trail of chips behind him as if Hansel and Gretel had taught him a clever way of remembering how to find his way back to the pub the next day. Suddenly there’s a brilliant bright light in front of him and a loud roar. Billy drops the bag of chips and shields his eyes.

We hear a car door open and the sound of Dr and The Medics’ Spirit in the Sky pumping from a car stereo. The light still blinds Billy as the angel stands in front of the headlights casting a fantastic silhouette.

Angel:

[A deep, meaningful voice calls] Be not afraid, Billy. For I mean you no harm.

Billy:

wh…wh…who are you?

Angel:

Billy, Billy…

Billy:

And how do you know my name?

Angel:

Bill, don’t you remember? It’s me! Gabe! Shit, hang on.

Gabe reaches into his pocket and finds his keys. He pushes a button and the music stops and lights go out.

Gabe:

It’s me, Gabe. You are, William Blenheim aren’t you? Fuck it, course you are, I never forget a face.

Billy:

I think I dropped my chips.

Gabe:

Chips? Don’t you worry about that. Listen, have you got time for a quick pint?

Billy:

I.. erm.. We. I mean, the pub kicked me out. They’ve closed.

Gabe is walking Billy back to the pub door. The lights are off. It looks empty. Gabe knocks once. Then Twice. Then again with a flourish. The door opens.

Voice:

Evenin’ Gabe. Evenin’ Bill.

Billy:

Brian? I thought you…

Brian:

In you come, son. Fosters is it, Bill?
Still drinking Archers, Gabe?

Gabe:

Fuck off Brian.

Brian:

Ha! I’ll bring ’em over, fella.

The pub seems lighter than it was before. Cleaner too, but not by much. The floor just seems a little less sticky. We follow behind the pair as they make their way to a table next to the jukebox.

Gabe:

So I’m guessing by the way you’ve been staring at me for the last 3 minutes that you really don’t remember me?

Billy:

I… Well to be honest mate, no.

Gabe:

That’s alright. It has been… a while.

Billy:

Honestly mate, I really think you’ve got the wrong guy.

Gabe:

Look, I sort of knew you would think that. I took the liberty of preparing this, let’s call it a montage.

Billy:

A what?

Gabe:

Give me your hand.

Billy:

You what?

Gabe:

Give me your.. oh just come here.

Close up of Gabe grabbing Billy’s hand.

We flash back to a dark night and a long winding road cutting through a desert. Next we see a line of camels walking single file. 4 well dressed men ride atop. A giant shining star lights the way. Next we see lots of old buildings and animals wandering the streets. We see a crowd of people gathered outside of a barn.

POV of someone moving shoulders of people out of the way and pushing through the throng. Inside the barn we see a woman lying, crying, exhausted. We hear a a baby screaming a newborn scream.

We follow Billy’s eyes as they come to rest upon the infant laying, swaddled in amongst hay.

Cut back to Gabe and a shell-shocked Billy.

Gabe:

So I thought that would be easier. Did you get the jist?

Billy? Bill?

We see Billy staring down at his pint. Cut back to present day and Billy staring at his pint.

Published by MrBinks

Peter was born and raised in Dartford, Kent by two loving parents - who were also born and raised in Dartford, Kent by their loving parents (who were also born and raised in Dartford, Kent).
He has travelled the world (been to Spain twice) and met many different people (some from Surrey, others from Essex, one Glaswegian and a Spaniard named Santiago).
Peter doesn't hold any awards for writing, but is the proud recipient of the Sensible Soccer knockout cup 1995 and the 2005 EA Sports FIFA European Championship.
He lives alone with his wife, 2 children and incontinent dog.
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