The Dengler Domain: Terrible Cars

November 11, 2016

In previous articles, I wrote about taking certain old cars out for a spin. It could have been a 1973 Chevy Camaro or a 1952 Dodge Coronet, but putting my hands on the steering wheels of those cars would be a lot of fun. Unfortunately, not every car is equally created. This is why I decided which car from the top fifty worst cars of all-time list of a Time article I would most want to drive.

The first car is the 1957 King Midget Model III. This car is not pretty. The spaced apart headlights are so far apart from any car I have ever seen. This mini truck/car combination is not easy on the eyes, and it is the antithesis of sleekness. The bulkiness and vibe of the car speaks only two words, "not fun." The tires are outside the frame of the car, and this sadly takes up more space on the road. Being a convertible is not a good choice. If the driver rolls down the top, humiliation will engulf the driver since everyone can see the person driving it.

This second car is a 1949 Crosley Hotshot. It looks is a poor man's Volkswagen Beetle. This short little car must have whipped around corners in its heyday. The attached piece to the front bumper gives the front end a smile to get unhappy onlookers to turn their frowns upside down. The horn to this car could only possibly be a high-pitched squeak, and the rims on this car are not cool. I don't need to see a full reflection of the world. I can just turn my head.

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The third car is the 1933 Fuller Dymaxion. Only three prototypes were made of this vehicle so it did not see much pavement. This car was originally conceived to be a flying automobile, and it is far from it. Minus the wings, this car would get destroyed by crosswinds. Nothing would go right driving this vehicle because it is too different. The Dymaxion only possesses three wheels so the number of people who want to drive it, one (me), to zero (not me). This car's goofiness puts it head and shoulders above all other cars.

What a wonderful collection of terrible cars. While these cars hold a special place in my heart of me never wanting to see them again, only car gives me the tiniest of feels. It is the 1949 Crosley Hotshot. The name, Hotshot, is tenfold better than the other two cars. I would look goofy driving this vehicle and giving everybody a good laugh would be nice, too. After this nice endeavor, I would drive this car into a lake, where the other cars lie, and say, "Sayonara."