14 October 2014

Teetering

I associate
both teetering and tottering with tightropes and circuses.

I know
it is just likely me but word association is a personal thing at times – not
just some psycho babble testing.

I can
think what I want.

Whenever
I want.

And I
do.

When
my son Tom was little his best mate was a kid called Will - short for William. Will
was Australian born but his parents and older siblings were from South Africa.
They were the white variety but thankfully not of Boer extraction. They were
not racists or bigots either and were very nice people.

Wills
mother Sharon was particularly pleasant. She was a little off centre and was
forever dashing off to yoga and meditation centres and had a delightful way of
sort of hopping around on the spot whenever she spoke.

She
reminded me a bit of a sparrow actually.

Hop
hop hopping before trying to fly away.

My
family used to have a crack at me whenever Will’s mum and dad came over to our
house - as I tended to slip into my Seth Efrican accent. I didn't really mean
to. It was just one of those things that I still do but only amongst Seth
Efricans.

I have
no idea why.

The
Seth Efrican accent is more annoying and grating than the New Zealand accent.

Both
are an abomination.

Tom
and Will were very close and were full of mischief and fun. They used to have a
thing for climbing. They climbed trees at first when they were quite little –
then later buildings and towers. They didn’t mind challenging authority either
and grew up getting into trouble at both school and later with the authorities.
It was just boy stuff really and even though I had to pretend to be concerned
and upset I didn’t actually mind all that much. I quite like kids that express
themselves and I for one don’t accept things for the way they are.

Rebellion
is not necessarily a bad thing – as long as no one gets hurt.

We
should all of us challenge everything.

It is
the way that things get changed.

Of
course when Tom and Will got suspended and expelled a few times from school I
was a bit worried where that might lead - but that too worked itself out.

Stuff
usually does.

When
we teeter we inevitably find balance. We find a way to stand up – even if we
are sometime supported.

We
often need to be supported.

It is
what love and respect is all about.

When
the boys grew through their teens they went through various fashion and
attitude shifts. Their Goth one was particularly amusing – all dressed in black
and wearing dark make-up with bleak attitudes to match. I used to hang shit on
them about it – and they got suitably Goth morose about which only amused me
more.

I
wouldn't let them play their Goth music very loud only because I didn't like
it.

I like
most music - but have a preference for stuff you can dance to.

I am
old school in that regard.

Will
and Tom and some of their Goth mates would come around to our place and sit on
our roof smoking joints and drinking beers and watching the world go by. I used
to come home from work and occasionally sit up there with them.

We
chatted away about the world and life and some surprisingly intellectual
philosophical shit.

These
kids had a slightly different view of the world but they were smart. They had
opinions and they weren’t afraid to voice them.

I
liked that a lot.

I also
learned a very long time before I became a parent never to judge a book by its
cover. My parents taught me that.

There
are bits of them in me.

That
old chestnut of a cliché stands very true and my kids - and my son Tom and his
left-of-centre-friends taught me a lot on this front.

You
can learn a lot from your children if you let them in and listen.

I
learn from them all the time.

Just
because you see the world in a tinted and tilted way it doesn't mean you have
to slide down either.

You
really don’t.

Who we
are is not what we wear but it is the essence of our being. It is the regard we
hold for others. It is kindness and benevolence. It is other far more defining
and relevant characteristics that we need to embrace in order to be.

Tom
and Will went through a full on piercing stage as well – with all manner of
foreign objects protruding their bodies. Will went particularly berserk on
those ear-stretching things - and I used to tell him he reminded me of the
African natives who started such a trend centuries ago. I wasn’t at all
surprised that Will knew all about the tribe and the history. He read a lot of
books and we used to talk literature all the time. The piercing and the
tattooing didn't bother me in the slightest although I think that Sharon - the
sparrowy hopping mother of Will - got a little concerned.

Art is
art and the kids’ bodies are their own.

Why
the hell should we all look the same anyway?

Where
is the fun in that?

Will always
wanted to be in circus. I remember him telling me this when he was only twelve
or thirteen. It wasn’t one of those I-want-to-run-away-to-the-circus scenarios.
He wanted to perform on the trapeze. He wanted to juggle and eat fire and get
into cages with lions and tigers.

He was
always juggling stuff around at our place. I remember being entranced as he
juggled a trio of kittens once – never dropping them at all and being oh so
gentle.

It was
excellent.

Will’s
Seth Efrican parents were very supportive of all their kids and they encouraged
all of their children to follow their dreams.

We
should all do this.

I
think so anyway.

For
some reason I never fully understood, Will and Tom had an ‘incident’ and all of
a sudden they were no longer were best mates. I remember Tom being quite upset
but he didn't want to talk about it so I never pushed.

I do
remember hearing a couple of years ago that Will had gone on to a circus
college and he was indeed living his dream.

When I
heard that news I laughed out loud in delight.

He is
a performer now in a quite famous Australian circus that tours the world. He
juggles and does amazing trapeze acts and I hope that I can one day go and see
him.

Tom
and he are friends again but they don’t see each other all that much. We all
grow apart from people we were close to when we were young. Tom told me that
Will went through quite a troubled period of self doubt and anguish - then he
announced to the world some years back that he was gay.

It
sort of all made sense to me.

Poor
Will was teetering and tottering about his own sexuality and I am so glad that
he discovered and decided who he was and that he had found his happiness.

People’s
sexuality is no-ones business but their own and I hope that he was never
bullied or hassled just because he was gay. That would have been sad and if I
had known I would have intervened and told him to be who he was and that to me
he was and always will be a fine young man.

My own
Tom still teeters and totters a bit as he tries to find his own place in the
universe.

Who
doesn't actually?

I sway
and totter myself all the time.

Life
is a tough journey sometimes and there are always ups and downs. I have learned
that we need to move with whatever is thrown up at us and be as accepting and
as tolerant as we can of others.

Kindness
and empathy and just trying to do what is decent and right are the key to
everything. Special moments and experiences come along sometimes and we need to
snatch them when we can.

Teetering
and tottering is all a part of this.

We
will sometimes fall off and fall down – it is the nature of life and growing
and being - but the most important thing of all is to just dust ourselves off and
get back up again.