Happiness Expertshttps://www.happinessexperts.ca
Experts in Positive Psychology
Sat, 25 May 2019 08:05:56 +0000 en-US
hourly
1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.1.1https://www.happinessexperts.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/cropped-happiness-experts-favicon-32x32.jpgHappiness Expertshttps://www.happinessexperts.ca
3232Becoming Happy — Overcome Genetics?!https://www.happinessexperts.ca/becoming-happy-overcome-genetics/
Sat, 18 May 2019 20:00:48 +0000https://www.happinessexperts.ca/?p=1123 For some of us mental health conditions run in our families. Issues can go back several generations. But do these conditions in our family really pass on genetically? And if they do, can we overcome them? What about life circumstances? If you’re going through a difficult period in your life, can you still be […]

For some of us mental health conditions run in our families. Issues can go back several generations. But do these conditions in our family really pass on genetically? And if they do, can we overcome them?

What about life circumstances? If you’re going through a difficult period in your life, can you still be happy regardless? The answer to these questions is actually yes and I’m going to teach you so that you can be as happy as possible.

As a coach public speaker and best-selling author, I teach topics just like this one all around the world. Positive psychology has come a very long way in understanding how happiness is derived.

One of my favorite researchers is a woman named Sonja Lyubomirsky. She’s done a lot of work looking at genetics and our life circumstances. She found that these things really do matter of course. Family traits passed on through our genes makes some of us much more prone to mental health issues than some others.

Certainly we all know that really challenging life circumstances you know- war for example can make it difficult to be happy. Lyubomirsky’s research shows that while genetics and circumstances do affect you, there’s still a lot you can do to make yourself happier. She found that your chosen activities (what you do each day) can significantly influence your happiness. In fact genetics only determines about 50% of the range of happiness we can experience.

So on a scale from sad to happy we will be fixed in a range somewhere in there based on our genetics. But even with this 50% range, the difference within it can be huge. That’s where our life circumstances and our activities come in. And even within this 50% range there’s this big big difference within it. As for life circumstances, the environment you’re in influences your happiness too. Obviously. But it’s quite limited. It only determines about 10% of your happiness, and in some respects this makes intuitive sense.

We can all think of examples of two people who grew up in identical circumstances. Siblings for example. One is perpetually cheerful and the other is a constant downer. The environment is not such a big deal.

If you want to claim that extra 10% for yourself, make changes! Change where you work or where you live. It’s all possible.

Now here’s where it gets really exciting. The very best part of this research shows that 40% of our happiness is determined by our activities. That is just the stuff we choose to do every day. As an adult this is fully in our control.

The best thing about this is that the more you practice happiness the easier it is to be happier day to day. It’s like a muscle; the more you use it the stronger you become. Really learning to use your happiness muscle can be a complex topic, so I’ve included two chapters of my best-selling book below. I’d highly recommend you check it out. Just learning how your situation and genetics affect you is nice to know, but to really maximize your happiness you’re gonna want to dig deeper in these two chapters so you get some in-depth tools to boost your happiness.

]]>Can You BUY Happiness with Money?https://www.happinessexperts.ca/can-you-buy-happiness-with-money/
Sat, 11 May 2019 22:37:28 +0000https://www.happinessexperts.ca/?p=1075Many of us think life would be so much better if only we had more money. We’d be able to go on a dream vacation, buy all the gadgets we want, treat our friends and family to something special, or simply feel the freedom that we are assured comes with wealth. This week, I am […]

]]> Many of us think life would be so much better if only we had more money. We’d be able to go on a dream vacation, buy all the gadgets we want, treat our friends and family to something special, or simply feel the freedom that we are assured comes with wealth.

This week, I am VERY happy to announce the start of our YouTube series!

A lot of people think “If I just had a little more money, I’d be happy.” So the real burning question is: How much money do I need?

Well, science has a very clear answer. There is a concrete number where your happiness peaks.

I’ll tell you exactly how much money you need to maximize your happiness, and how to cheat the system so it works best for you!

Now of course, we all dream of winning the lottery. Suddenly coming apon a great fortune. And yes- the science here shows that winning the lottery does truly make you happier. (At least for a period.)

You get this feeling of excitement and amazement, it’s really powerful!

However, about two years after winning the lottery, people return to the same level of happiness as before.

Well why is this??!

Some amount of wealth is absolutely required for us to be happy. Most of us wouldn’t be happy if our basic needs weren’t being met. We need food, shelter!

These things are fundamental to our happiness! When we can’t meet those needs, our struggle to survive is motivated by pain and hunger.

Well once we meet these needs and have some level of confidence that our needs will be met again tomorrow, all that stress disappears.

So the question is; would doubling your wealth— having twice as much to meet your basic needs make you twice as happy?

And, of course not. That doesn’t make sense. Mostly, it’s true that when our basic needs are met, every other thing that comes into our life does not make us exponentially happier.

Instead, the science shows that as income grows, so does our happiness up to about 75,000 US dollars per household.

After that, there is virtually no increase in happiness with more money. Not at 100,000 dollars, not at 1,000,000 dollars.

Of course, at less than $75,000, your happiness is less optimum.

Once people’s basic biological needs are secured, more money just doesn’t make a big difference.

So how do you cheat the system and find happiness no matter how much money you make?

75,000 dollars is just American’s concept of having their basic needs met. We see our needs differently depending on the time and culture we’re in.

When I was a kid, my family didn’t have a dishwasher. That changed, when other families on my block suddenly got dishwashers.

It was now a need. A necessity.

If you can see these things in their proper perspective and avoid the need for a dishwasher or a new car, then your 75,000 dollar metric changes.

A simple change in lifestyle and mindset can go a long way.

So to fully leverage this, I’ve included a link to a scientifically accurate assessment of how happy you actually are!

]]>Your New iPad Won’t Make you Happy, but These 6 Things Willhttps://www.happinessexperts.ca/your-new-ipad-wont-make-you-happy-but-these-6-things-will/
Sun, 05 May 2019 15:27:02 +0000https://www.happinessexperts.ca/?p=1064It feels so good to get that shiny new “toy”, doesn’t it? Whether it’s an impulse buy or something you’ve coveted for a while, it feels so exciting to bring it home and marvel in its newness. The sad reality is that the joy of something new usually doesn’t last very long. And soon you’re […]

Whether it’s
an impulse buy or something you’ve coveted for a while, it feels so exciting to
bring it home and marvel in its newness.

The sad
reality is that the joy of something new usually doesn’t last very long. And
soon you’re looking for something else to give you that jolt of happiness.

BUT what if
you could find more consistent joy by NOT filling your home (and racking up
your credit card bill) with lots of stuff?

I just finished Tim Kasser’s book “The High Price of Materialism”. The book provides evidence for what we already know: westerners are increasingly made miserable by the materialistic values that mainstream social conditioning “inflicts” on us.

Everywhere
you go, you are inundated with messages about how the right product will make
you happy, popular and rich. In order to make you want to buy something,
advertisers try to make you feel like something in your life needs to be fixed
with the expectation that when you feel bad enough, you will buy their
solution.

Rampant and
expanding consumerism is directly related to the decline in happiness in
America and other places where American values are promoted.

We didn’t
always live this way. Over decades, we’ve changed.

One example
is a study conducted by Professor Alexander Astin from UCLA. He has been asking
first-year college students about their values since the 1960s.

In the
beginning, 80% of students said it was important to “develop a personal
philosophy of life”.

Today, 40%
agree with that.

In the 1960s,
40% of students agreed it was important “to be very well off financially”.

Now, over 70%
of students prioritize wealth.

Money IS
important. We must confidently meet our basic physiological needs, but that’s
about it. (Watch for a video about optimal income for happiness coming soon.)

These are the
scientific facts. When people prioritize materialistic values they:

• Are
less happy

• Have
poor overall psychological health

• Have
a diminished sense of security and safety

• Feel
less competent and have lower self-esteem

• Experience
lower social connectedness

• Test
poorly for authenticity and autonomy—that is, they are less able to be and do
the things that they most want

So what can
we do?

Here are the six best ways to combat materialism:

1. Self-awareness—Stop
and take a look at your life priorities. Then ask yourself, “How much of my
wanting in life is for things?” If you can be aware of wanting things (and who
can’t to some degree?), you have an opportunity to consider adopting values
that lead to greater emotional well-being instead.

2. Self-acceptance—You’re
probably pretty great now. Can you feel that?

3. Personal
growth—In my book, “Whole Person Happiness”, I call this “mastery”. Everyone
has a natural yearning to grow. In the link below, you can download the first
part of my book (for FREE!), which explains this desire to be stronger
physically, mentally and spiritually. Check it out!

4. Social
Connection—There is a ton of evidence that humans are hard-wired to need close
personal relationships. When you invest in time with people, instead of in
things, you get a HUGE (healthy) emotional payoff.

5. Helpfulness—You
need to feel like you are making a meaningful contribution to the world; like
what you do matters to the well-being of other people, to the natural
environment, to somebody or something that you care about.

6. Minimalism
is a “thing” now. And I subscribe to it in its less extreme forms. Know when
enough is enough. Live with only the things you need and truly value. When you
let go of clutter and the need to amass more stuff, you are free to see and pursue
the activities and relationships that truly make you happy.

It’s my
life’s mission to help the world be a bit happier. If you found this content
valuable, please share it with others and you will make the world happier too.

]]>Finding Happiness is as Simple as Noticing When You Feel 1 of these 10 Emotionshttps://www.happinessexperts.ca/finding-happiness-is-as-simple-as-noticing-when-you-feel-1-of-these-10-emotions/
Fri, 03 May 2019 20:25:44 +0000https://www.happinessexperts.ca/?p=1056This blog post answers the question “What is Happiness?” You can’t really achieve something if you don’t know what it is, right? Sometimes people feel pressured to be happy. Everyone’s talking about how important it is. But are we supposed to be skipping through meadows filled with buttercups and sunshine everyday? Is that even POSSIBLE? […]

You can’t really achieve something if you don’t know what it is, right?

Sometimes people feel pressured to be happy. Everyone’s talking about how important it is. But are we supposed to be skipping through meadows filled with buttercups and sunshine everyday? Is that even POSSIBLE?

Happiness comes in many forms and when you understand the full range of positive emotions, you can feel happier without striving for it. In this post, I’ll teach you about the 10 positive emotions that make up the feeling of happiness.

When you get to the end of this post, look for a special bonus that will help you remember and more easily access these happy-making emotions!

Researchers in the field of positive psychology often struggle with defining the term “happiness”. One definition is: “Happiness is the subjective experience of well-being”.

Seem a little unhelpful? I mean, how often do you say, “Gee, I’m feeling a lot of well-being today!” Probably never.

Researcher Barbara Fredrickson from the University of North Carolina has defined happiness in a more practical and accessible way.

She says happiness is the presence of at least 1 of 10 positive emotions. As you read them, consider whether you feel some of them more often than others. This insight can be helpful. You may discover ways to more easily be happy.

Joy: When you feel victorious, exuberant and satisfied. It’s like winning a race or completing something meaningful. This feeling creates a big smile on your face and it might make you want to skip and dance. When did you last feel joy?

Gratitude: Someone has gone out of their way to do something nice for you. A moment of awareness takes hold and you realize your life is pretty good. Gratitude opens your heart. Think of something that happened in the last few days for which you are grateful.

Serenity: You are safe and content. You feel peaceful and calm. Nothing is demanding your attention. In a moment of serenity you want to sit back and soak it in. Have you had a moment of serenity lately?

Interest: Something new draws your attention. You are fascinated. Your horizons are expanding as you are beckoned to explore. Think of a time when you got excited about learning something new.

Hope: This feeling usually arises with a bit of fear. The possibility of something “good” always comes with the chance it won’t work out. Hope motivates you. It often allows you to tap into your own capabilities. You can see a better future. When have you hoped for something to happen?

Pride: When paired with a touch of humility, pride is a terrific feeling. It’s a sense of accomplishment or a pleasing reflection on your character. Your actions are valued by others; you are making a difference! Think of something about yourself that you’re proud of.

Amusement: Something unexpected happens and you laugh. Amusement is social, so most often it happens with others, and laughter is contagious. The situation is safe and not serious. A funny face, a Freudian slip . . . almost anything that’s incongruent and unexpected can amuse us! What made you laugh recently?

Inspiration: You discover true human excellence; you transcend the ordinary. Or you witness nature at its best. Your attention is riveted. Your heart is warmed. You feel pulled to be your best self. What inspires you?

Awe: Goodness on a massive scale! You’re overwhelmed, momentarily transfixed, even humbled by something or someone. You may recognize that you are part of something greater than yourself. Awe often defies explanation. What has made your jaw drop or made you feel like your eyes were going to pop out of your head?

Love: Love is a different kind of positive emotion. It’s always a combination of some of the other happy emotions. When we love something or someone, we may feel joy AND hope. We may feel inspired AND amused by that person or thing. When many positive emotions are stirred within a relationship, we call that LOVE! When have you felt love?

My gift to you is a FREE pdf poster of the 10 words that define Happiness. Print this off and put it where you will see it daily. Looking at it frequently will help you become more attuned to your positive emotions. Click HERE to get it in letter size and HERE as widescreen wallpaper for your computer.

It’s my life’s mission to help the world be a bit happier. If you found this content valuable, please share it with others and you will make the world happier too.

I’m launching a FREE YouTube series soon to help you become happier and more successful. To make sure you don’t miss it, subscribe to our channel here.

]]>Testimonialshttps://www.happinessexperts.ca/testimonials/
Tue, 05 Sep 2017 17:14:28 +0000http://www.happinessexperts.ca/?p=675Linda Tesser Paul led a session with a small group of us and it was extremely engaging. We all walked away learning something new about ourselves – valuable information that we could use both in our professional and personal lives. I would strongly recommend Paul for corporate workshops and/or one on one professional coaching.

Paul led a session with a small group of us and it was extremely engaging. We all walked away learning something new about ourselves – valuable information that we could use both in our professional and personal lives. I would strongly recommend Paul for corporate workshops and/or one on one professional coaching.

]]>Ditching Stress: Body-Based Happinesshttps://www.happinessexperts.ca/ditching-stress-body-based-happiness/
Tue, 02 Feb 2016 19:30:43 +0000http://www.happinessexperts.ca/?p=460A major player in unhappiness is stress, which from a body-chemistry standpoint, means elevated cortisol (stress hormone) levels. Our modern lifestyles tend to impose a steady, undesirable level of constant/ baseline stress on our systems. Even if we have not been through one of the major stressors in life recently (marriage, childbirth, divorce, buying/ selling […]

]]>A major player in unhappiness is stress, which from a body-chemistry standpoint, means elevated cortisol (stress hormone) levels. Our modern lifestyles tend to impose a steady, undesirable level of constant/ baseline stress on our systems. Even if we have not been through one of the major stressors in life recently (marriage, childbirth, divorce, buying/ selling a home, etc.), most of us maintain a high cortisol burden. When we live in a city, drive in cars, raise kids with busy schedules, and have to keep on top of our own careers, it can be quite difficult to reduce our stress burden. Therefore, it can put quite a damper on happiness.

The next best thing to moving to a tropical island and forgetting all our burdens is to mitigate the effects of stress in our bodies. As our mindfulness coaches may tell us, there is great benefit to the practice of being present in the here and now. This means staying in the present moment and abstaining from troubling thoughts of the past and the future, or getting stuck on things you should have done and things you have still to do. By staying in the present moment you will keep your nervous system calm and keep your stress hormones down. In other words, staying in the present moment can lead to a decrease in stress, and therefore an increase in happiness.

What else can you do to decrease your stress level every day, and therefore be contributing to your overall happiness?

Eat regular meals, especially healthy proteins for breakfast everyday: By eating regularly you keep your cortisol (stress hormone) levels in balance. When you skip a meal, your body has to go into overdrive to maintain your current level of activity, which literally stresses your system.

Take a B complex and magnesium supplement: B Vitamins are heavily used by the adrenal glands and the nervous system, as is magnesium. Our soils are generally depleted in magnesium so most of us need a little extra magnesium on a regular basis. Look for the methylated forms of B Vitamins and look for magnesium glycinate, as these are the most readily absorbed by your body. If you have a particular health concern that might benefit from magnesium supplementation please consult me or a your own local naturopathic doctor to learn more about which form you specifically need.

Getting to sleep early (yes, when I put my son down at 8pm on some days!)

Orgasm—oxytocin release lowers cortisol levels. In both genders, high levels of oxytocin are correlated with a parasympathetic state of calm, decreased blood pressure, increased pain threshold, and reduced incidence of depression. Note: you can have an oxytocin release even if you are having an orgasm without a partner!

Regular and consistent sleep schedule (awake and to bed within the same hour everyday)

Taking care of your stress levels and stress management will help you on your quest for happiness. There is also more available through naturopathic medicine than what is outlined here. To create a full plan that will specifically meet your lifestyle and genetic needs, feel free to consult with me at Dr.JeannieN.D.@HappinessExperts.ca

Dr. Jeannie, ND 2016

*Dr. Jeannie Achuff, is a practicing Naturopathic Physician with active practices in both California and British Columbia. She is a Happiness Expert. Note that medical advice provided herein with Dr. Jeannie does not replace or supplant the clinical advice that you get from your family physician(s). The contents of this website are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice; the Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. Reliance on any information provided by this website is solely at your own risk.The Site and the Content are provided on an “as is” basis.

What Other People are Saying

A major player in unhappiness is stress, which from a body-chemistry standpoint, means elevated cortisol (stress hormone) levels. Our modern lifestyles tend to impose a steady, undesirable level of constant/ baseline stress on our systems. Even if we have not been through one of the major stressors in life recently (marriage, childbirth, divorce, buying/ selling a home, etc.), most of us maintain a high cortisol burden. When we live in a city, drive in cars, raise kids with busy schedules, and have to keep on top of our own careers, it can be quite difficult to reduce our stress burden. Therefore, it can put quite a damper on happiness.

The next best thing to moving to a tropical island and forgetting all our burdens is to mitigate the effects of stress in our bodies. As our mindfulness coaches may tell us, there is great benefit to the practice of being present in the here and now. This means staying in the present moment and abstaining from troubling thoughts of the past and the future, or getting stuck on things you should have done and things you have still to do. By staying in the present moment you will keep your nervous system calm and keep your stress hormones down. In other words, staying in the present moment can lead to a decrease in stress, and therefore an increase in happiness.

What else can you do to decrease your stress level every day, and therefore be contributing to your overall happiness?

Eat regular meals, especially healthy proteins for breakfast everyday: By eating regularly you keep your cortisol (stress hormone) levels in balance. When you skip a meal, your body has to go into overdrive to maintain your current level of activity, which literally stresses your system.

Take a B complex and magnesium supplement: B Vitamins are heavily used by the adrenal glands and the nervous system, as is magnesium. Our soils are generally depleted in magnesium so most of us need a little extra magnesium on a regular basis. Look for the methylated forms of B Vitamins and look for magnesium glycinate, as these are the most readily absorbed by your body. If you have a particular health concern that might benefit from magnesium supplementation please consult me or a your own local naturopathic doctor to learn more about which form you specifically need.

Getting to sleep early (yes, when I put my son down at 8pm on some days!)

Orgasm—oxytocin release lowers cortisol levels. In both genders, high levels of oxytocin are correlated with a parasympathetic state of calm, decreased blood pressure, increased pain threshold, and reduced incidence of depression. Note: you can have an oxytocin release even if you are having an orgasm without a partner!

Regular and consistent sleep schedule (awake and to bed within the same hour everyday)

Taking care of your stress levels and stress management will help you on your quest for happiness. There is also more available through naturopathic medicine than what is outlined here. To create a full plan that will specifically meet your lifestyle and genetic needs, feel free to consult with me at Dr.JeannieN.D.@HappinessExperts.ca

Dr. Jeannie, ND 2016

*Dr. Jeannie Achuff, is a practicing Naturopathic Physician with active practices in both California and British Columbia. She is a Happiness Expert. Note that medical advice provided herein with Dr. Jeannie does not replace or supplant the clinical advice that you get from your family physician(s). The contents of this website are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice; the Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. Reliance on any information provided by this website is solely at your own risk.The Site and the Content are provided on an “as is” basis.

“I am already using what I learned and life is better for it!”

Attila Kovarcsik

“. . . one of the best presentations I have ever been to — so powerful and effective.”

]]>Happiness Defined: a Meditation on the Meaning of Happinesshttps://www.happinessexperts.ca/happiness-defined-a-meditation-on-the-meaning-of-happiness/
Fri, 04 Dec 2015 07:34:11 +0000http://happinessexperts.newearthprogramming.com/?p=270There are many ways to slice and dice the idea of happiness. In spiritual terms, happiness is a felt sense of inner peace. There is no greater satisfaction then to be content regardless of the circumstances in which you may find yourself. Feelings of broad universal love, complete forgiveness, and total acceptance of “what is” […]

]]>There are many ways to slice and dice the idea of happiness. In spiritual terms, happiness is a felt sense of inner peace. There is no greater satisfaction then to be content regardless of the circumstances in which you may find yourself. Feelings of broad universal love, complete forgiveness, and total acceptance of “what is” are all foundations of inner peace. This may, however, feel a bit esoteric, so let’s consider the way scientists define happiness. My favorite approach is that of Barbara Fredrickson.

Barbara Fredrickson is a psychology professor at the University of North Carolina. Arguably, she is the foremost scholar on the topic of positive emotions. She defines happiness as the presence of one or more of the following positive emotions: joy, gratitude, serenity, interest, hope, pride, amusement, inspiration, awe, and love. When we are experiencing any one of these feelings, we are happy. I quite appreciate her most practical and understandable framing of the idea of happiness. It allows us to get real about when we feel good. Take a moment to consider each of these distinct feelings.

Joy — Imagine a time when you were clearly delighted with some positive event that was realized in your life. You won a prize in a game of chance! Or you got a big bonus and a very sincere acknowledgement of your value from your boss. Perhaps you received big accolades following a performance. You were with friends and the mood was light, with much laughter and good cheer. Pause for a moment and consider a time when you had a clearly delightful moment. Feel joy.

Gratitude — Imagine a time when someone did something for you that was unexpected, generous, and of genuine assistance to you. Your neighbor scraped the frost off your windshield. Your spouse cleaned the house and had dinner ready when you came home from work. A courteous driver allowed you to merge in busy traffic. Your friend cheerfully lent a hand ina yard project. Can you remember a time when a real kindness was given to you that made your life a bit more pleasant, perhaps your day became easier?Feel gratitude.

Serenity — Think back to a time when you were in nature and were simply amazed by a beautiful scene—a rushing water fall, a gentle brook dappled with sunshine through summer trees, a gorgeous sunset falling behind mountains. Perhaps you can think of a time when you were safe at home with a cup of warm tea and a beautiful piece of music playing and you had not a single care or concern in that moment. Ahhh! Serenity is relaxing, peaceful, and gives comfort like coming into a warm fire on an autumn day. Consider a past experience of serenity. Feel it.

Interest — Your curiosity is piqued. You feel engaged and have opportunity to explore. Remember a time when you listened to a fascinating speaker. Or when you discovered a new and better way to approach a familiar task. You have heightened attention and most often you are building a skill. When have you felt deep interest? Remember what that felt like.

Hope — You have confidence that things can change, that there are possibilities that spark your imagination. Hope arises when current circumstances are undesirable, yet you can sense that there is a way out. Consider when you have felt hope: perhaps you were struggling with a work task, but began to sense a way forward. Or you ended a relationship, but had a reservoir of confidence that in spite of the pain, there were other people out there that you now had time and opportunity to get to know. Hope motivates action. Can you stir the felt sense of hope?

Pride — There can be swollen, inappropriate and unhelpful pride, but here consider only genuine and kind-hearted pride. When you are being good and honest with yourself, you see your best qualities. Or at the conclusion of some task, you look at your work and see that it was done well and has made a positive difference in the world. For example, you finish painting a room in your house and it looks fresh and the color is pleasing. Or you finished a presentation to your boss and got the endorsement for your proposal. You come across a person outside a store who has dropped her bag. You unconsciously stoop and assist that person. After which you rightly feel good about your actions. Can you remember a time when you felt healthy, well-earned pride in your accomplishment?

Amusement — Surprise! Your co-worker makes a very witty observation. Unexpectedly, you and your friend see a frog hop onto your walking path. Amusement is generally spontaneous and out of the ordinary. You are caught off guard, but not in a threatening way. Rather you feel alive and have heighted mood when you share a laugh over a funny experience. Call to mind a time when you were amused. Can you feel the levity and pleasantness of the experience?

Inspiration — When humanity in some form or fashion rises above its usual experience and does something truly amazing, then we are inspired. Imagine a time when you saw an act of great compassion. Often scenes on the news following a natural disaster show ordinary people doing their utmost to rescue and tend to the wounds of strangers. Perhaps an artist reveals a work so exquisite that you are given pause to see the world in a different light. What has inspired you in the past? Can you recreate that felt sense in your mind?

Awe — Dumbstruck, you gaze at the magnitude of the Grand Canyon. Or you gasp at the sight of an ancient monument, like the Egyptian pyramids. Awe is the witnessing of something that stops you in your tracks and causes you to fully experience amazement. Awe is powerful and bigger than one’s ordinary life circumstances. It is an experience of mental transcendence where you are instantly carried away from usual states of mind, and instead experience something that generally defies expression in words. Visualize something that causes you to be blown away. Feel awe.

Love — Professor Fredrickson does a splendid job of explaining how love is a separate and yet inclusive positive emotion. It is the experience of more than one of the previously described emotions felt in the context of a personal relationship. Can you recall the time your first child took his or her first step? You experienced interest, hope, awe, gratitude, and pride all at once. Or do you remember when a very good friend graduated from school and she was overwhelmed with the relief and pleasure in her accomplishment? Why did you empathetically share her many emotions? Your love gave rise to the experience of her accomplishment being a source of your own happiness. Love is an especially powerful form of positive emotion. Can you bring to mind your feelings of love for someone close to you: your parent, your son or daughter, or a life partner? Feel love.

I am grateful for the grounding that Barbara Fredrickson’s 10 positive emotions give to the meaning of happiness. When we think about each of these feelings, we know that indeed those emotions are what make life rich and beautiful. Joy, gratitude, serenity, interest, hope, pride, amusement, inspiration, awe, and love are what we all want.

You have quickly toured the 10 positive emotions from which we feel happy. Now perhaps savor one of the memories you just recalled. Take a minute with the experience and be happy!

Paul Krismer 2016

What Other People are Saying

“I am already using what I learned and life is better for it!”

Attila Kovarcsik

“. . . one of the best presentations I have ever been to — so powerful and effective.”

]]>Bursting out of Stuck-nesshttps://www.happinessexperts.ca/bursting-out-of-stuck-ness/
Fri, 04 Dec 2015 07:29:34 +0000http://happinessexperts.newearthprogramming.com/?p=267Have you ever found that your ability to think clearly is most confused when strong emotions are at play? This is a common experience. Our ability to understand our own circumstances and choose a course forward is frequently clouded by numerous emotions and rationalizations that easily fly under the radar of our conscious awareness. As […]

]]>Have you ever found that your ability to think clearly is most confused when strong emotions are at play? This is a common experience. Our ability to understand our own circumstances and choose a course forward is frequently clouded by numerous emotions and rationalizations that easily fly under the radar of our conscious awareness.

As a coach, it is very common that I meet with clients who are stuck in some predicament that they don’t like—an unsatisfying job, a poor relationship, unhealthy habits related to food and exercise, and so on. By the time they come to meet with me, they generally have considered their “problem” for protracted periods. Commonly, it has often been years of consternation about the issue. It is easy to empathize because changing jobs, ending relationships, and breaking old habits is not easy—nor, perhaps, should it be. These clients often are stuck in a narrow component of critical thinking. They are stuck in an investigation or evidence-gathering phase.

Investigating options for life’s big questions can be endless. Any element of our lives that goes to the core of our identity, gives much pause. Our lifestyle, consisting of our work, our relationships, our spiritual practices, and our relationships with our bodies,is of fundamental importance to each of us. Without criticism, it is these characteristics of our identity that make up our essential egos. When we are contemplating change to core concepts of our ego, many of us get stuck investigating options or gathering evidence for the need for change. This stuck-ness grows painful because we want new action or, alternatively, a firm decision to be content with what is. And when stuck-ness is deeply engrained, it leads to anxiety, depression, and plummeting self-esteem. We admit to ourselves, at least at some level of awareness, that we are not in control of our lives. Being out of control for a moment on a carnival ride can be fun. Being out of control over our lifestyle and our identity for any prolonged period is, in fact, deeply discouraging.

What drives stuck-ness?

Fear, its little cousin anxiety, and shame.

Fear is at the root of nearly all protracted investigative(evidence-gathering) stages of critical thinking. Fear is a healthy, biologically well-evolved experience for us to have. Fear of the sabre-tooth tiger served our ancestors well. It is good not to be eaten. Fear of social rejection makes sense. Banishment from ancient tribes would usually result in premature death. Fear of gathering enough food motivates a reasonable response, so our historic cousins looked longer. Fear is okay, even though we don’t like it, and fear should and often does preclude us from taking impulsive actions affecting our lifestyle and identity.

Fear (and shame) should stop me from telling off my boss when I become frustrated. Fear (and shame) serves me well when I refrain from abandoning a love relationship when I get frustrated. Fear in these contexts is very appropriate and a helper. It is the more primitive part of our brain assisting us in basic survival. However, as we all know, chronic fear is debilitating. Fear’s evolutionary purpose was designed to serve us in the moment—as a break or accelerator on action during a specific point in time. But when fear, and its companion emotion of shame, stick around for lengthy periods, then something is stuck in an unhealthy pattern.

My clients who are stuck often come to me as a coach wanting to discuss problem solving solely from a dispassionate, rational point of view. They know they are stuck. They believe (or hope) that some assistance with their decision-making process will provide a rational solution to their problem. Invariably all stuck-ness must first get in touch with the emotional block prior to solving the “mechanical” problem of careers, relationships, and lifestyles. For some clients this is easy. They may even be fully aware of the fear, or shame, that has them stuck. And for many others it takes probing to help them see the source of their stuck-ness. And some, walk away from the coaching process, unable to witness their own vulnerability.

Interestingly, the solution to being stuck in one early part of the critical thinking process—investigating (evidence gathering)—is, in fact, resolved by applying critical thinking processes. If we can recognize that we are stuck, then we only need to examine the underlying emotion through the lens of critical thinking.

Let’s consider emotional awareness as a step in and of itself. If you are stuck in some part of your life and you know this to be true because it has caused you angst for a significant period, can you identify the emotion? Is it fear? Fear is connected to potential for loss. Will something you greatly value be threatened if you take action? Is it anxiety? Anxiety is rooted in uncertainty about the future and a natural desire for security. Is it shame? Shame has its roots in a belief that one’s behavior falls outside of one’s own or society’s ethical boundaries.

Any one of these feelings and sometimes a combination of them are the emotional block that leads to a person being stuck. A deep consideration of the emotion(s) is always warranted. Rather than pushing away fear, or anxiety or shame, try to embrace it. Own it. After all, it is your fear. It exists in you. You produced it and ultimately only you can deal with it. Moreover, it is so perfectly normal. We all have fear. Truthfully, millions of other humans most likely have fear very, very similar to your own. Like you, these are other good people trying to make their way in the world with happiness and kind intentions. Your fear won’t go away by ignoring it. Fear will rule subversively if it isn’t shown the light of day.

I once heard a Buddhist monk* talking about negative emotions in a delightful way. He said, when you see your fear, greet it warmly. With kindness, like meeting an old friend, invite your fear in for a cup of tea. Come to your fear and say to it “hello, old friend. I see you. Will you come and have tea with me? Please sit down. I want to understand you. Please spend some time with me”. I love this old monk’s perspective. Our fear is with us anyway. Why not get to know it? “Where did you come from, old friend? What do you see and know?”

I have seen this approach with clients, and in my own life, work miracles. Our negative emotions are blocks to our own desired behaviors and goals only when we fail to address them. For most people simply coming alongside their emotions, accepting and understanding them, is sufficient to drain all their power. They may not recede completely, but they are put back into perspective. Fear is given its proper weight along with all the other considerations in your life planning. Instead of fear being a hidden trump card, keeping us stuck, fear is just a thing like lower pay at a new job, excitement at the prospect of a commitment to a new relationship, or a concrete plan for exercise.

Embrace your fear to overcome it!

Paul Krismer 2016

What Other People are Saying

“I am already using what I learned and life is better for it!”

Attila Kovarcsik

“. . . one of the best presentations I have ever been to — so powerful and effective.”

]]>Be Kind to the People you Love: A Direct Path to Feeling Goodhttps://www.happinessexperts.ca/be-kind-to-the-people-you-love-a-direct-path-to-feeling-good/
Fri, 04 Dec 2015 07:25:29 +0000http://happinessexperts.newearthprogramming.com/?p=264One researcher stands above all others when it comes to understanding intimate relationships—John Gottman. His incredibly persuasive findings are based on years of deeply observing couples interact. Dr. Gottman has found that thriving, happy couples have five positive interactions for every one negative interaction. Ratios of positive to negative interactions less than three to one […]

]]>One researcher stands above all others when it comes to understanding intimate relationships—John Gottman. His incredibly persuasive findings are based on years of deeply observing couples interact.

Dr. Gottman has found that thriving, happy couples have five positive interactions for every one negative interaction. Ratios of positive to negative interactions less than three to one are deadly to long-term partnerships. This finding is not so shocking when examined.

In the practical activity of normal family life, there are perhaps very many entirely neutral interactions—normal life. We share household duties, pass food at the table, watch TV, etc. Our discussions may be instrumental to getting things done: “Please pass the salt”, “did you buy milk?”, etc. These conversations may neither generate positivity nor negativity. When an interaction is negative, it stands out in our experience. We have a twinge (or worse) of negative emotion—anger, disappointment, shame, or hurt. We do not recover readily from powerfully negative interactions. If our spouse yells at us or uses derogatory language towards us, it carries a major weight. Thus the necessity for a high positive to negative ratio of five to one—it takes a lot of positive interactions to counteract relatively few negative interactions. Achieving these high ratios make for a happy relationship.

Manufacturing this high ratio is something we can work towards. Obviously contributing more positive comments is important, but the weight of the negative interactions requires us to give considerable attention to preventing our speech from detracting from relationships. This means we must avoid harsh judgments and criticism whenever possible. (However, abuse is not to be tolerated and calls for action separate from the context of this discussion). We are all guilty of many small transgressions—an item of laundry left out, toothpaste on the bathroom counter, being a bit late without calling, forgetting to buy milk . . . Can we overlook the weaknesses and foibles of the people we love? If not to these people, then to whom can we be gracious? Oddly, it is often easier (more socially expected) to not comment on errors made by mere acquaintances. Accordingly we sometimes feel the need to point out “errors” of loved ones.

What a tremendous gift it is to give your loved ones real acceptance. To be gracious. To cut them some slack. To overlook minor errors and small transgressions. What would this do for the people you love? Your company would be a time and place of warmth, trust, and safety. This is advice I find remarkably difficult to live by. Yet when I can mindfully lay off my family members’ faults for even a couple days, I notice a positive change in the environment. If an occasional mistake becomes a regular problem, then perhaps you do need to raise it. All relationships occasionally require honest communication to sort out points of tension. Choose carefully when and if this is really necessary. How impressive and generous would it be if you could raise the mistake outside of the immediate context of the problem? Instead of barking as you see the sock fall to the floor, could you wait 20 minutes or more to a moment of relative tranquility? Then with calm and love state your need from the perspective of your experience. The “error” is not about “your slob” of a spouse, rather it is about your own felt experience. “Honey, when I see your socks on the floor, I feel discouraged. I like the house to be clean and I would be grateful if you could pick up after yourself.” Then leave it alone. If your spouse’s worst transgressions are relatively minor, why jeopardize the positivity ratio with unnecessary criticism and judgment. Genuinely let it go.

Avoiding negative speech as much as possible will substantially add to the quality of most relationships. Conversely adding to the positive side of the equation may also be easier than you think. Consider how much neutral activity occurs that neither positively or negatively affects your relationship. There is ample opportunity in the mundane to appreciate the blessings of people in your life.

I try not to criticize my two sons, although failing to ever do so would be poor parenting. However, when I am conscious of how I want our interactions to be (that is, overwhelmingly positive), I see so much opportunity to increase the kindness between us. Of course, I am very fortunate in that my two boys are generally most amicable young men. Still, I want them to know that I see that. I do a lot of cooking and I usually enlist the help of one or both of the boys. I observe the shape and length of the cut of the vegetable as being bite-sized. I notice and observe the way cutlery is laid out—straight and in proper order. I thank them for their assistance and note how easy dinner preparation was with their help. I point out simply what is true—often without a lot of judgment—just the facts. They feel accomplished, noticed, and appreciated. I comment on their doing homework, their speediness of getting going in the morning, their investment in their friends—I notice who they are which is most obviously expressed in what they do. They know I care. When I am at my best, my interactions are positive and frequent—even and importantly through the mundane, everyday experiences of our shared lives.

Are there opportunities with your loved ones to increase the positivity in everyday, ordinary activity? Seize it if you can. Your example, consistently given, will also significantly influence their behavior towards you.

Act kindly and politely: This point may seem too obvious. Close loving relationships benefit from generosity and consistent civility. You know the expression “you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar”. Yet the benefit of kindness may be greater than you think. Yes, your kind actions may endear others to you. This is mostly true and rewarding. However, the research shows very clearly your acts of kindness are their own reward to you! When you act kindly towards another person, you feel better about yourself. You feel not only love in your expression of generosity, but you have an appropriate surge of pride. This pride is both because you appreciate your own kind intention and also because your gift is real and meaningful to another.

When you act kindly, your self-esteem goes up. Your behavior is consistent with what you know are the better qualities of humanity. To be generous to others is an admirable action. We appreciate this so much that there are countless YouTube videos of people simply being nice to others. Why do millions of people watch these videos? Because simply witnessing kindness makes us feel good. Of course, being kind is even more gratifying.

Positive interactions with your loved ones will increase with each kind act. Particularly pleasant and unexpected gestures may make a big emotional impact—flowers for no reason, or preparing someone’s favorite dinner served on the best dishes. Actions like these may create a halo of positivity over an entire household for days. Surprisingly though, your kindnesses that go unnoticed can also be powerful. If you act generously from your heart—as an expression of love—then you feel better even if your loved ones don’t recognize the gift they received.

Increasing your own well-being by investing in your closest relationships is a certain winner. Few happiness interventions are as well founded in the positive psychology research. Therefore, don’t take your loved ones for granted. I moved to my current city to be closer to my mom and two of my siblings. I try to ensure that my two sons and I regularly spend time altogether. We eat family meals regularly—the kind where you sit around the table, with no TV on. We plan activities on the weekends. We play cards. We hang out. My teenagers are so accustomed to this that I expect they don’t often consider how out of step they are with many of their peers.

Give the most generous thing you can give to your loved ones. Give them your time. Commit to regular activities together. If there are strains in your relationships, time together is not an instant cure but it is the surest way to truly cement a lasting committed bond.

With this gift of time, consciously aim for a 5 to 1 ratio—lots of kind, warm interactions and relatively rare negative comments.

Be good, for goodness sake!

Paul Krismer 2016

What Other People are Saying

“I am already using what I learned and life is better for it!”

Attila Kovarcsik

“. . . one of the best presentations I have ever been to — so powerful and effective.”

]]>Guardians of Corporate Culture: Kick-Starting Employee Engagementhttps://www.happinessexperts.ca/guardians-of-corporate-culture-kick-starting-employee-engagement/
Fri, 04 Dec 2015 07:18:50 +0000http://happinessexperts.newearthprogramming.com/?p=259As a business leader, have you ever wondered why the vibe—the beliefs and attitudes—of your workforce are so out-of-sync with the culture you would like to see. Is your staff cynical about change? Do they seem disconnected from the mission and vision for the organization? And, frankly, are there staff that seem openly in rebellion […]

]]>As a business leader, have you ever wondered why the vibe—the beliefs and attitudes—of your workforce are so out-of-sync with the culture you would like to see. Is your staff cynical about change? Do they seem disconnected from the mission and vision for the organization? And, frankly, are there staff that seem openly in rebellion to the direction of the business?

If you answer ‘yes’ to any of these questions, you are by no means alone. Many staff groups, or at least significant components of most workforce’s, are simply not very committed to the organizations that they work for. And, of course, there is a tendency for this to be more true with larger, more bureaucratic organizations.

We can pay our employees to apply their mental faculties and their bodies to accomplish the tasks set out before them. However, money does not buy hearts and minds. Staff have to volunteer these one individual at a time. But how do we persuade them to give their hearts and minds to the exciting work that our organizations exist to do?

Indeed this is the holy grail sought by every Human Resource executive—buoyant, committed staff engagement. We often look to traditional compensation packages to motivate people: we pay competitive wages so that people feel fairly compensated. We offer benefits like retirement plans, gym memberships, maybe even an onsite daycare. And these kinds of things are great, but to the frustration of many HR execs, it does not win hearts and minds. At best, these remunerative interventions buy loyalty. And there is nothing wrong with loyal workers who will stay year after year. But if we haven’t got their hearts, often times their loyalty feels like begrudging acceptance of their circumstances.

Are your people excited to make their contribution to the core mission of your organization? Often the answer is that most staff are not. In fact, in many places, staff would have a hard time even articulating what the core mission is. They are complying with work demands but they are not engaged on a deep and/or meaningful level.

Interestingly, these unengaged people do, by and large, have engagement with their immediate work mates. Even when corporate culture is poor—sometimes it is especially true when corporate culture is downright lousy— that staff become most connected and in-sync with work colleagues. Nowhere is this more apparent than with large front-line staff groups. These are the people who actually do the work of the business: they build things, they organize customer accounts, they deliver services, they make real to your customers the good or services you produce. And, they maybe do it with a degree of disengagement and maybe worse: resentment. They are putting in time—and that’s all.

They will, of course, generally take pride in the work that they themselves produce. It is the company itself that they don’t like or appreciate. They treat customers and other front-line staff well, but hold back supporting the overall company mission. They often disconnect from corporate leadership, sometimes dismissing the message that the executive team is trying to convey.

In response to this dynamic, most organizations do one of two things: ignore it, or invest in employee engagement activities that often feel and look like richer benefit packages (more lunchtime speakers, on-site massage, and other goodies). Nothing wrong with any of it, but at best you are getting loyalty, not committed hearts.

Perhaps one of the most frustrating and, often ineffective, interventions is to have members of the senior executive team directly and frequently going out to speak to staff groups. They explain the mission, they reveal near and medium term business initiatives, and they generally do the “Rah Rah” speech that temporarily motivates the troops. But sadly, they do not generally make a big difference to the underlying corporate culture. Why don’t these visionary, articulate leaders have more influence on culture? Because they are not the guardians of any organization’s culture.

The front-line staff create the culture through their dominant shared beliefs and attitudes. ONLY their front-line supervisors have the access, repetition, understanding, and credibility to change the beliefs and attitudes of their direct reports. This first level of management oversight is the guardian of culture. No effort to change, big or small, will meet with pervasive success if this group is not on board.

Consider your own supervisory pool of staff. Very often a great number of these staff came themselves from front-line jobs. They were particularly productive, probably more optimistic, and had better interpersonal skills than most, and so, when an opening for a supervisory role came up, they were a natural choice. And, most likely, they were great choices—in terms of overseeing the work that needs to get done. They understand the work. They have done it. And their staff know it. They don’t get misled about what things are going badly on the line. They push back when staff are putting up unreasonable barriers to getting stuff done. But they also know where the resources seem inadequate. They have seen “change management” initiatives come and go. And they know that a lot of the time, change activities are “flavour of the month”.

First tiers of oversight (supervisors and managers) are often torn between the messaging coming from their superiors and the reality that they share with their staff. This leads inevitably to internal conflicts, where they want to do their best job representing the larger organization, but their integrity also requires them to reflect back the beliefs of their staff.

The intervention is to invest significantly in these staff. Teach them 21st Century leadership skills. They need to coach their direct reports, not simply convey orders. They themselves need coaching. They need to see themselves as role models. They need to be deeply immersed in the vision and mission of the organization. And they need to be taught to use language routinely—in every conversation—that supports the corporate direction.

If some of this appeals to you and you need help, give us a call. We can help you build systems that effectively change broken culture and preserve desired ones.

Paul Krismer 2016

What Other People are Saying

“I am already using what I learned and life is better for it!”

Attila Kovarcsik

“. . . one of the best presentations I have ever been to — so powerful and effective.”