Sunday, June 05, 2016

Safety

Oof. This has been a rough past 10 days. The heaviest sads I have experienced in almost two years. Considering I so rarely experience the sads for more than an hour or so now it is so affecting when I do. Everything crashes down, fear sets in, of what I have no idea, losing something I think I want maybe.

Some of this is my mind and body urging, forcing, me to rest. I have been going too much, giving too much inefficiently. As I write, I am sitting in Brookline, which will always be home in a sense. This was the place of such soul growth, little seedlings of enlightenment, where my armor cracked enough to let the sun begin to and then pour in.

I have been away from that condition, instead closing myself up and working on the outside. And as a result, it is time again to do some inner adjusting.

So I sit in a darling bed and breakfast, listening to Ella Fitzgerald and a clock tic tock, typing up some of my own research, looking online for the best trails to hike in Vermont. For the summer I plan to mostly spend time around Manhattan and New England. Ground and reseal the foundation of my life, which is so full. All the stuff will fall out, though, if these cracks turn into a fault.

And with that, I will return to the safety of my cozy room and snuggle under covers and know that at least for tonight I am complete.