Thursday, June 01, 2006

i'm hanging up on you

(8 p.m.)Mr. G's dad was taken to the hospital so Holly and I are here alone.It's raining pretty hard and I guess the neighbor was getting water in his shed, so he's in therelightly pounding something to stop the leak. Holly was sleeping and when she heard the tapping she lookedup at the window and then over at me. The expression on her face was so comical. It was if tosay, "Is this something you think I should be barking about or can I go back to sleep?"

(2 p.m.) I was watching some old Family Feuds and they had a black chick on the show named LaSheena. I'm fairlycertain that's the name of the stuff I put on my car after I washed it last week.

The city police chief was on the news talking about a neighborhood watch program. The audience he was addressing was mostly elderly.He said the "residents know their neighborhoods best and know when something is wrong." Yeah, that's a polite way of saying "they're nosy as all get out." That's what Mr. G is counting on to keep me in line. He always says there's no way I can bring dudes to the trailer cuz the nosy neighbors will tell him about it. And I'm sure they will.But older people do know their neighborhood. My mom knows every one in her neighborhood who is selling dope, buying dope or IS a dope.She also seems to know who has low moral standards and who's been arrested.

(12 a.m.)I was reading an article on MSN about five dream jobs for a woman. They were: vacation tour guide--oh puhleeze, in THIS town?!; wardrobestylest to the stars--why not be a star yourself??; ice cream creator--sorry lactose (and work)intolerant; doll designer--huh? some of us gave up dolls years ago; and concert promoter--who thinks up this shit?

Now here are MY FIVE DREAM JOBS:1. Practice "dummy" used in advanced cunnilingus education classes(Advanced classes ONLY. No sense in being frustrated at home AND on the job...)2. The lucky chick who measures the uniform inseams for cops(if you need me to explain this one you haven't been reading my site for very long)3. Chick who "models" mattresses.(lay down on the job and get paid for it)4. Well paid, world renown writer(when all else fails, try something ya might actually have a chance of achieving...)5. Mother(sssh, not really. I tossed that in there in case the Mother of the Year judging panel is reading...)