To move with total abandon, not to think,
No more secrets not even from one self.
To be as light as the wind,
To be like the soaring imaginations---

Friday, September 2, 2011

The pursuit of knowledge..

The pursuit of knowledge, of desire seems to be bizarre in its very wanting, in its madness, considering the thirst that it brings about. And yet in some strange way it makes you let go of everything that you have learnt, accumulated over the years and hoarded thinking they were milestones, that were the guiding lights of your life. And yet often this very urge makes islands out of you from those very people to whom you have been clinging all you life..in whom you have seen relations, love and normalcy. Then what is it you would say, about this thirst that makes you do the wildest things that you didn't think yourself capable of..that you had no idea existed within you. This total surrender to something so powerful that it is like a macabre..a slow dance of death awaiting the light of dawn when one is to be killed having had one’s fill of knowledge, power and sustenance thus. I remember an instance when I watched the sea from very close quarters at night, something about its eeriness struck me as fascinating.. while I did like the sea during the day, at night it was all pervasive, strong and overwhelming. I decided to walk towards it, to feel its waves engulf me and talk to me, to hear what its depths had to say. And yet I knew that if I entered I might not be able to swim back, indeed I could not. I did not enter the sea that night, neither did I walk towards it, I sat there looking at it. It brought to me shells, sick things from different shores. I guess I sat all night dissecting them, wondering if it would bring about that elusive something that I so desperately sought, that I knew was in store for me. And then I felt a foamy caress..of the mighty sea itself..it was dawn, the night had passed..the sea seemed to say..'in me lies all that you need to find and more..but don’t drown in me, I hate corpses..I shall give it back..even throw it back on land and then you shall lie there and be eaten by the crabs running hither and thither and be sniffed at by dogs and men at night for experiments that I know not of. Look for in me the wise-ness of the centuries and feel in me the impermanence of the now..life is but thus.' I went home wet, tired and somehow satisfied..I had become an island unto myself and yet not.