Start of University Leaves Parents Lost

As you wave your eldest child off into the world and out of the family home: a sea of emotions wash over you. Pride: that they are all grown up and off to conquer the world whilst recalling their first steps, anxiety: will they be okay without you? Can they cook a nutritionally rich meal? And finally, for many married couples: absolute panic as they look at each other for the first time in years and realise – it’s just them.

The love you feel for your children sucks you into a world where nothing matters quite as much as them, and certainly a Mother’s bond with a child is as beautifully unique as children themselves: nothing comes close. So now what? Who are we as couple? Are just a few of the questions married couples will silently spin around their heads as ‘empty nest’ alarm bells start to ring. After years of lavishing their love, attention, concern, and thoughts on their children, many wonder: can we reaffirm our own love and feel the highs of romance once again?

Intimacy is often the first element of a relationship to suffer upon the arrival of children, leaving the man feeling quietly unimportant and neglected while vying for what little attention his wife can summon, feeling exhausted yet ecstatically consumed by her new love. Fast-forward seventeen or so years, and the silent valley of rejection and resentment that has built over time, is simply for many, an unspoken immovable fact.

At llicitEncounters.com, the UK’s largest dating site for married people, this is a relationship dilemma we know well. With over 800,000 active members, and a nearly equal ratio of women to man: both sexes feel the same deflation and sense of loss as their children fly the nest. The dynamic has altered and both know it. Something is missing, something they can’t reignite together. For many ladies, they simply don’t feel the same passion or excitement for their husband’s as the years have passed. While many men find themselves struggling to fill a gap in their wife’s life, resulting in feeling an ineffective second choice and ultimately unwanted, physically and emotionally.

Rosie Freeman-Jones, spokesperson for IllicitEncounters.com adds: “Love is not the issue; our members love their partners and most would not dream of ending their marriage, but they cannot suppress a need to fill that void once the children leave home. They crave the romance, excitement and the attention they once gave each other, but as the dynamics alter over the years many cannot revive this successfully, and begin look outside their marriage. They are looking for a high, an all-consuming passion to make them feel alive, and whole again as adults.

Whether it takes meeting someone new to rediscover a part of themselves that has laid dormant in their marriage, or for the lucky ones – a rebirth of their love, the effect is positive for all. Feeling attractive, wanted, and important is something that we all need, whatever the circumstance – the need is universal. The self-esteem is instantly boosted, our energy returns and our relationships with others benefit when we feel good as individuals.”

IllicitEncounters.com’s ran a short survey in 2012, where over 50% of members said they could relate to, or had experienced empty nest syndrome, and of those 18% had cited it as one of the main reasons they joined the site. A year on, and with the same question asked: 63% are dealing with or have experienced empty nest panic, with 24% of those asked naming it as the sole reason they choose to become members.

IllcitEncounters.com offers a safe and discreet online dating service for those wishing to explore the possibilities of rediscovering romance, passion, and adventure. The site, now in its 10th year counts approximately 6% of the married population in the UK, with over 35,000 married people join up so far this autumn.

IllicitEncounters.com is the UK’s largest and longest running dating site for married people. With over 800,000 members across the UK, you’re sure to find your perfect match.

Established in 2003, we have been providing a meeting place for like-minded married and attached people for nearly 10 years. Our members have one thing in common – they are all looking for a little romance outside their current relationship. Whether that’s the occasional bit of flirtatious chat, a regular coffee date, or a full-blown affair, that’s up to them.