NFL WEEK 12 RECAP: Giving Thanks For Other Channels

After squeaking out last-second wins against mediocre teams like seven weeks in a row, the Jets won this one convincingly, much to the delight of Fan Who Definitely Has No Interest In The Smell Of The Model Glue He Used On His Jet:

Saints 30, Cowboys 27

“Any chance they miraculously stopped having Detroit and Dallas play this year? No? Alright, flip back to Tommy Boy” – Every Household last Thursday

Steelers 19, Bills 16 (OT)

After the game, new Steelers kicker Shaun Suisham was asked about making four long field goals after being unemployed 2 weeks ago, and replied, “Don’t know how else to put it, we have a great God.”

Meanwhile, Bills wide receiver Stevie Johnson, who dropped an easy game-winning pass in Overtime, Tweeted this after the game:

POINT/COUNTERPOINT: Do we actually have a Great God? All we know for sure is that he definitely exists and affects football.

Chiefs 42, Seahawks 24

Speaking of God, he also had KC in his suicide pool this week:

Texans 20, Titans 0

“What happened, did the Texans promote their CHEERLEADER-HOTNESS Coach to Defensive Coordinator??” – Football Watchin’ Dude

The game also featured a huge brawl, which occurred after both teams simultaneously realized that they’re gonna miss the playoffs even though they’d easily win the NFC West:

Falcons 20, Packers 17

Wait, never mind Texans, I’ll stick with the Packers’ Cheerleaders:

Browns 24, Panthers 23

The most meaningless game of the week ended up being one of the most exciting, with the Panthers missing a last-second field goal to finally give the Browns a reason to celebrate (and levitate):

Giants 24, Jaguars 20

My Giants-fan roommate summed this one up: “The Giants weren’t, like, humans in the First Half.” But they recovered in time to keep this game from being another “Is anyone in the league actually good?” question-everything games:

Vikings 17, Redskins 13

After coaching defenses for 10 years and never getting a shot as a head coach, Vikings assistant Leslie Frazier won his first game as Minnesota’s interim head coach, looking downright giddy on the sidelines:

Dolphins 33, Raiders 17

The Raiders lost for a second straight week, but Jacoby Ford provided us with our “Players Are Way Too Frickin’ Good Now” catch of the week:

Ravens 17, Buccaneers 10

The Bucs continued their trend of beating every team with a losing record and losing to every team with a winning record, thanks in no small part to the Baltimore crowd’s loudness and confusing Mardi Gras attire:

Bears 31, Eagles 26

The Bears really sent a message to all their doubters, meaning, me, all of my Chicago friends, and everyone else. Sorry, Mike Martz, but you actually might be going to the playoffs:

Rams 36, Broncos 33

I had no interest in watching this game, but a scene from Twin Peaks apparently happened:

Chargers 36, Colts 14

Chargers : Colts :: Rock : Scissors. Well, if Rock was poorly coached and always got off to slow starts but had enough talent and a weak enough division to bounce back and make the Rock Playoffs every year.

49ers 27, Cardinals 6

Aaaand last but not least, take us out, Derek Anderson postgame tirade!