Vice President Biden Mocks Ash Wednesday at Press Conference

WASHINGTON – In what many are calling cruel and insensitive, Vice President Joe Biden poked fun at Ash Wednesday this morning during a joint press conference with President Obama. Obama said afterward that he was not aware of “Joe’s antics” behind him as he spoke to reporters.

As President Obama was responding to a reporter’s question about the economy, Vice President Biden smudged his forehead with black chalk and started hamming it up behind him. Obama admitted he was confused at the snickering from the press pool during the conference.

“I thought it was odd that several reporters were giggling and snickering when I was talking about American families being out of work. One guy started laughing so hard he spit coffee on the backs of those in front of him.”

This afternoon Vice President Biden said that because he’s Irish Catholic people need to understand that his joking is lighthearted and innocent.

“Now I hear all these people are calling for my head to roll?” The Vice President smiled, “C’mon, I’m a Catholic! When you’re Catholic you can make fun of things like ashes on your forehead, or these things,” he pulled rosary beads from his pocket.

“Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my rosary beads. Never leave home without ’em. But when I’m at a party, I guarantee you nobody thinks I’m being insensitive when I ask, what the hell are these beads gonna do for me?” The Vice President smirked as he swung the beads around. “What am I going to do….beat off a mugger with my little rosary beads?”

He giggled as he put the beads back in his pocket.

“See? Just good clean fun. I can’t tell you how many times those beads have livened up a stuffy party. Now c’mon, can’t we all just lighten up and have a good time? Huh? Here, somebody pull my finger.”

John Kerry confers with Vice President about discretion

Last year the vice president told residents of a nursing home that Obama would “drop the A-bomb” to end nuclear build-up. He’s since remarked that the Department of Homeland Security is “crawling with lesbians,” spoken at a Michigan mosque dressed in a burqa, and last week he called Michelle Obama’s hairstyle “ghetto chic.” White House sources say the vice president has been on “a short leash” and that President Obama had “strictly curtailed his speaking time.”

In point of fact, an administration staff member said the president purposely had Biden with him at the press conference today so he could keep tabs on him. The last thing he expected was the Vice President goofing off behind him during a press conference.”

Last summer during a trip to Beijing, the administration was embarrassed by Mr. Biden’s antics when he joked around for his secret service agents after a tour of the Chinese National Art Museum. A former Biden staff member recalled the moment that caused her to resign her position.

Vice President laughs at Chinese woman

“Vice President Biden had just left the museum and was about to get into his limo. Several Chinese people were walking by outside the gates, curiously looking in at all the limos and secret service. A very large woman on a bicycle wasn’t looking where she was going….and she ran smack into a tree and fell off her bike.”

The former staffer calmed herself.

“When Vice President Biden saw the poor woman fall off her bike he started laughing. He was yelling mean things about her weight and making jokes about eating too many donuts and pizza and….and it was just really ugly.”

A week after the incident Biden appeared on CNN and said his antics were taken out of context by right-wing extremists.

“I was just clowning around for my tired secret service guys. Only Republicans could think of a way to turn light-hearted fun into something ugly. And I for one am tired of backing down from those people.”

The next day the administration forced Biden to back down. He went on the Rachel Maddow Show to publicly make amends.

“I want to apologize to the wonderful, loving people of China,” Biden told Maddow. “I also want to apologize to the millions around the world who are obesity challenged. And I want to apologize to every woman on the planet. I also want to apologize to everybody else.”

An administration insider said the Vice President had made some headway distancing himself from past gaffes with his animated debate performance against Paul Ryan and his aggressive stances on gun control, gay rights and climate change.

“He was finally making strides to redeem his image in the eyes of the President. But after his remark about the First Lady’s hair and now this Ash Wednesday thing, they’ll probably take his television privileges away again. Which is unfortunate because the season premier of his favorite show, “Survivor: Caramoan” is airing this week.”