“Hello, Kia… have you found me somewhere warm yet? What?? Not a hope am I going back there.”

All signs pointed towards a move to Italy for the inactive Argentinian, with both Milan clubs battling it out for his signature.

However, Inter’s president Massimo Moratti first accepted defeat in the belief that he had his heart set on the Rossoneri after holding talks with the player.

Then Alexandre Pato‘s decision to snub an offer from Carlo Ancelotti and Paris Saint-Germain meant last year’s Serie A title winners were no longer in need of an attacking player, so they’ve pulled the plug on a propsed deal – leaving Tevez back at square one.

Whether Inter will resurrect their interest now is unclear, while QPR owner Tony Fernandes claims even his wealth isn’t enough to attract the 27-year-old.

In yet another twist, Manchester City coach David Platt has extended an olive branch all the way to South America, where the player is currently living, by admitting “stranger things have happened” when asked about the possibility of a reconciliation between club and player.

We took the mickey out of Mark Hughes the other day when we claimed the new QPR boss would be hunting down Roque Santa Cruz to bring him to Loftus Road.

It may not be a joke after all as The Mirror are reporting that Sparky does in fact want to buy the Paraguayan target man for a THIRD time, having brought him to both Blackburn and City.

South African midfielder Steven Pienaar is another one of Hughes’s latest targets, but Spurs have rejected a bid for the former Ajax player.

Manchester United wave goodbye to one of their academy graduates today as Darron Gibson departs for Everton and it could be only a matter of time before another one heads for the door.

Alex Ferguson has clearly lost patience with the ill-disciplined ways of teenage prodigy Ravel Morrison but nevertheless, Newcastle will have to stump up a little more if they want to bring him to Tyneside.

Meanwhile, Liverpool boss Kenny Dalglish has said funds are available if he chooses to dip into the transfer market but that they are not chasing any targets this month and remain happy with the current squad.

Arsenal could do with a player or four though and reports in South America are suggesting that Arsene Wenger has completed a pre-contract agreement with Anderlecht for their 23-year-old forward Matias Suarez (no relation).

Finally, Paul McShane will join Crystal Palace on loan from Hull on a one-month loan deal.

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