theperfectjugglerhttp://theperfectjuggler.com
...or not as the case may be. Learning how to juggle being a single parent, work, friends and me time.Sun, 05 Nov 2017 20:15:15 +0000enhourly1https://wordpress.org/?v=4.8.2130193452Why the responses to #metoo didn’t shock me as much as intended.http://theperfectjuggler.com/uncategorized/why-the-responses-to-metoo-didnt-shock-me-as-much-as-intended/
http://theperfectjuggler.com/uncategorized/why-the-responses-to-metoo-didnt-shock-me-as-much-as-intended/#commentsSun, 05 Nov 2017 20:15:13 +0000http://theperfectjuggler.com/?p=1300Unless you’ve been living under a rock you will be aware of the cases against Harvey Weinstein, a heralded film and tv producer, stacking up on both sides of the Atlantic. Sports stars are being arrested for sexual assault left, right and centre and now […]

]]>Unless you’ve been living under a rock you will be aware of the cases against Harvey Weinstein, a heralded film and tv producer, stacking up on both sides of the Atlantic. Sports stars are being arrested for sexual assault left, right and centre and now accusations of sexual harassment in the Houses of Parliament have been made against a number of MPs and, because of this, the discussion about how women are treated on a day to day basis is finally a hot topic.

So much so that Alyssa Milano started a hashtag which went viral that was simply #metoo.

For days (which is a long time on Twitter) the hashtag was used by women, and some men, to show that they had been a victim of sexual harassment of some form or another. My Facebook feed showed so many of my friends who had had an experience of being taken advantage of in one way or another just because they were a girl or a woman. Just because they had breasts and a vagina.

But, do you know what? It didn’t actually shock me that much. It sickened me yes, but it didn’t shock me. This is because I am all too aware that this behaviour is seen to be the norm in our society today. It is sadly accepted by the majority of women that, at some point, they will have their arse grabbed in a bar or they will be shouted at from a van or car when they’re out running or walking. It also didn’t shock me because #metoo.

#metoo when I had my bra undone every time we sat on the mat in class to watch a video whilst in year 5 or 6.

#metoo in the same year, when I had my vest top strap broken whilst out walking on a school residential trip because a boy the same age as me was, ultimately, trying to molest me.

#metoo in summer in secondary school when I spent most of art and science class avoiding having bits of paper thrown down my shirt because the v neck was prone to gaping open when leaning over. Lets not even mention the fact that our white summer shirts were pretty much transparent so everyone could see what type of bra you were wearing underneath.

This was just the first few incidents I remember in a long line of #metoos. They were reported to teachers but other than a cursory apology from the boy, if that, nothing more was done.

These aren’t isolated incidents though as the campaign fully shows.

Whilst discussing this subject a good friend of mine reeled off 5 separate incidents that happened at school and in her early adult life that were completely inappropriate but, because of her age and innocence, at she didn’t feel she could say or do anything about it.

This isn’t just about men treating women like crap though. Sadly, some women also think this type of behaviour is ok too. Another younger friend of mine went to the Drs because of debilitating pains in her ‘reproductive area’. She was sent for an internal examination to which a female gp said ‘don’t worry, he’s got small hands’ about the gynaecologist she would be seeing. During a smear test for the same reason she was also reprimanded by another female gp for shaving her pubic hair. I mean what the actual fuck? If we can’t rely on women to treat other women with respect how can we ask men to?

But actually we shouldn’t be asking men to do anything. We should be expecting and demanding that this type of behaviour is not brushed under the carpet and is called out for what it is. Rape, in the most heanous cases, sexual assault, sexual harassment, molestation, verbal and emotional abuse. Whatever we’re going to call, it it needs to stop now.

It is 2017 and we are only now just having this conversation, that for one baffles me. I am bringing up a daughter in this world and I just hope to God that something changes and this conversation carries on and makes a difference so that these stories are less and less and women and girls can go about their business. It doesn’t matter whether they are an actress or engineer, bartender or politician they should be able to get on with their job without getting felt up along the way.

You can wait for the messages to roll in.

This could go two ways. It could work out well or could leave you disappointed. With these websites anyone can see your profile, unless you make yourself private, and therefore anyone can approach you. This may make for some fun conversations or it may mean your inbox quickly becomes full of lewd comments and requests for sexual favours. Do not do the British thing and politely respond to all your messages. Sadly you saying 'That's a very kind offer but no thank you' will be read as 'That sounds like a good offer but I want you to try harder and carry on sending me messages'. Find the delete button early and also the block button and use at your will.

By all means don't ignore everyone, every now and again there will be a ray of sunshine with a legitimate, interesting profile so start chatting and see how it goes.

You can send some messages yourself

In this equal (ish) world who says we can't send the messages first? If you spy a hottie and his profile sounds good then drop him a line. Sadly 'Heys' don't really spark the imagination so mention something you have in common. Crack a joke. Even a hideously cheesy line can sometimes break the ice…just so long as it's clear it's ironic to both parties! Just don't get too hung up on whether you get a message back or not. Sadly this online dating lark is mostly about fluke and the law of averages. Who's online at the same time as you. Who's not chatting to anyone particular already. Who's looking for the same thing as you relationship wise and who you catch an eye of with your photos. So don't get disheartened if you don't hear back from one guy. There's many more to choose from!

For the shy types (or the old-fashioned types) you can view someone's profile and hope they get the hint and message you.

This is a sneaky way of surreptitiously making yourself known to another person without having to worry about what to say first. Most dating sites let you see who has viewed you so, if someone you like the look of pops over to your profile do the same to theirs and hope he takes the hint. Or if you've been trawling through the options available to you and spot a dark, handsome stranger (which can sometimes seem like finding a needle in a haystack I know) then take a look at their profile and hope for the best.

No matter how you start your conversation sadly there are a lot of less than legitimate people on these sites so a few thing should to bear in mind:

If they look too good to be true, it's probably because they are. That American doctor who looks a lot like Ryan Gosling and wants to marry you at the earliest opportunity may not be legit.

If they don't have a photo, more often than not it's because they have something to hide. Every phone has a camera nowadays so 'I haven't go at any photos at the moment' is not a good enough excuse in my book.

If they say they're from England but seem to be messaging you like English is not their first language it's because it probably isn't.

If they say they want a long term relationship but their interests include 'gynaecology' or 'oral exams' they may be telling fibs.

My best advice is to dive in and explore the site. About 1 in 10 chats may lead to a date but what else are you doing with your evenings? Be safe and only give out your number when you're 100% comfortable with doing so but have fun. And let me know how you get on!

]]>http://theperfectjuggler.com/relationships-2/guide-to-dating-getting-started/feed/01283Things I wish I had a partner for.http://theperfectjuggler.com/relationships-2/things-i-wish-i-had-a-partner-for/
http://theperfectjuggler.com/relationships-2/things-i-wish-i-had-a-partner-for/#commentsWed, 11 Oct 2017 17:03:53 +0000http://theperfectjuggler.com/?p=1275I normally hate the word partner. It makes me want to vomit in my mouth for some reason. It's what you introduce your 'other half' as when it's a contentious issue that you're not married and you don't want to answer any questions about why […]

]]>I normally hate the word partner. It makes me want to vomit in my mouth for some reason. It's what you introduce your 'other half' as when it's a contentious issue that you're not married and you don't want to answer any questions about why you're not married. Or it's used when you're trying to make yourself sound like a more 'serious couple' than you actually are. But there does seem to be a bit of a void for non-gross words that describe that grey area when they're more than a boyfriend and less than a husband. Live in lover, other half, the Mr…whatever you're calling him, this is why I need one every now and again:

Zips on dresses – unless you are master of yoga or bizarrely double jointed there is just a bit of your back that is a no go zone and that usually is where my zip stops. I now have to carefully consider which clothes to buy and whether they meet the 'single person criteria'…no zips where the fabric also needs to be pulled down as the zips go up, this involves at least three dexterous hands I don't have access too.

Buttons and hooks – again with the fiddly bits on dresses! I love a dress. It is one item of clothing that does the job of at least two and usually doesn't have to fit around my chunky thighs so I can go down a size in dresses, therefore making me feel a bit better about life. But teensy weeny hooks and tiny, tiny buttons at the nape of the neck? Why would you do that to us clothes shops? Why?

She's wondering if all her buttons and zips are done up fully.

Car maintainance and cleaning – this is the most stereotypical thing I know but a) I'm rubbish at keeping track of when things need to happen. I'm invariabley late to get my MOT sorted b) I don't enjoy taking the car to the garage and not knowing what the hell they man in overalls is talking about. Have I just been swindled out of £100's, who knows? C) despite it now being very easy to get your car cleaned inside and out for a very small amount of money it is time I just can't seem to find. I also usually have to take Charlotte with me who is scared of the noises and ends up in hysterics trying to wrench herself from her car seat.

Weddings and large events– Being a single parent at a wedding is one of the crappest things ever. There's no one to tag team with. There's no one to go to the bar whilst you cuddle a tired child. There is no one to give you a free pass to stay up to late and party with your friends or family till they call last orders whilst they put the kids to bed and catch up on the football scores (or whatever men do when they get free time)

The shit times. – Sometimes you just need to vent to someone who is removed from a situation at work to get some perspective. You need someone who can come to a funeral with you and hold your hand so you don't feel like a 10 year old having to come with your mum and dad. You need someone who can just tell if you're having a crap day and give you a hug (or a glass of wine) and sometimes you just need someone to talk to about a shocking death in The Walking Dead.

If you're single what do you miss in a partnership or what could you do with help for? If you're in a relationship what do you rely on your partner for?

]]>http://theperfectjuggler.com/relationships-2/things-i-wish-i-had-a-partner-for/feed/11275How I’m going to make Christmas shopping fit my budget this yearhttp://theperfectjuggler.com/money-2/make-christmas-shopping-fit-my-budget/
http://theperfectjuggler.com/money-2/make-christmas-shopping-fit-my-budget/#respondWed, 27 Sep 2017 15:00:53 +0000http://theperfectjuggler.com/?p=1256WARNING: There is mention of the C word in this post. If you’re the sort of person that has Christmas perfectly planned-out, with presents bought months in advance, wrapping done and everything neatly stored away in readiness for the big day then great! Good […]

If you’re the sort of person that has Christmas perfectly planned-out, with presents bought months in advance, wrapping done and everything neatly stored away in readiness for the big day then great! Good for you. Amazing! I’m not remotely jealous.

For the vast majority of us, however, we don’t often get our butt in to gear until well into October with hours and hours of online searching being clocked up to find the best-priced toys whilst trying to hang fairy lights and your child’s most recent Christmas craft project. I’m more of a midnight Christmas Eve wrapper with a glass of something yummy and a Christmas film on the TV.

According to price comparison site uk.shopping.fm UK women clock up more than 20 hours of evening screen time, Monday-Friday, from October onwards, searching for the perfect gift at the perfect price, with hours increasing by 20 per cent in November and December.

And, whilst there are plenty of comparison sites for gas, electricity and insurance products, I’m often left relying on specific shops or eBay for toys and household goods.

With uk.shopping.fm however, you just type in the name of a toy and it collates them all for you by searching the best deals, and even includes eBay.

I was recently looking for Ladybug and Cat Noir toys for Charlotte and within a few seconds it brought up all toys linked to her new obsession, like this one here. I’d looked at them for her birthday but couldn’t find anything in my budgeted price range, these European superheroes can be bloody expensive!

So with October just around the corner and with my Christmas list firmly in hand, I’ll be heading over to the price comparison website to get all of my shopping list sorted early…I’ll still be wrapping at midnight Christmas Eve though!

]]>http://theperfectjuggler.com/money-2/make-christmas-shopping-fit-my-budget/feed/01256The Perfect Juggler’s Guide to Dating – Setting Up Your Profile.http://theperfectjuggler.com/relationships-2/guide-to-writing-a-dating-profile/
http://theperfectjuggler.com/relationships-2/guide-to-writing-a-dating-profile/#respondFri, 22 Sep 2017 11:00:51 +0000http://theperfectjuggler.com/?p=1243Despite my last post about dating I have managed to put together a dating profile or two in my time. There are a lot of apps and sites out there and after 4 years of being single I have tried quite a few. Most have worked in […]

]]>Despite my last post about dating I have managed to put together a dating profile or two in my time. There are a lot of apps and sites out there and after 4 years of being single I have tried quite a few. Most have worked in one way or another. All lead to messages, likes, flirts and every now and again a successful date or two! I read books and articles and learnt a lot through trial and error.

I remember setting up my first profile. I had no idea what to write or which photos to add. It was overwhelming and a scary foray into the unknown. My friend dictated most of it via 100 text messages one evening and I edited and finally pressed submit. So, to make it less scary for you, here’s my guide on how best to set yours up.

My first tip – don’t lie.

Your dating profile may be in virtual reality but, if you are looking for anything other than a pen pal, at some point you will want to meet a person in real life. If you have put that you are a Heidi Klum look a like and ‘borrowed’ a few pictures from her Instagram. Or used photos from 2002 when you last fit into your size 8 jeans, then you’re likely to start a date off on the wrong foot. Similarly, if you said you love dogs and your date brings along his pooch to your casual meet up at the park, then coming out in hives from your pet allergies probably wont get you a second one.

Usernames don’t actually matter that much.

Don’t agonise too much over it. I’d probably recommend not going for hornylady69 or iloveknitting75 but pick something and don’t worry too much about it. Is your hair curly? Go with curlygirl. Do you drive a VW campervan, go for VWVanFan. Love Game of Thrones? Then by all means call yourself Daenerys123 or motherofdragons (to be fair, as a mum that’s probably not far from the truth!).

Choose natural photos

Sadly your photos are what will catch people’s attention. Internet dating is a fickle world, but I recommend you accept this and move on quickly. Picking photos is painful, I know. I used to delete all photos I saw of me because I looked hideous. But then the front facing camera arrived, and then filters, and the whole world changed.

Just to be clear, I am not condoning trout pouts and snapchat filters and never will, they are not attractive. However, I am condoning finding what works for you. Practice makes perfect and a gentle Valencia filter always helps to blur any eye bags or stress spots. A full on toothy grin may not be for you but try and look happy, even a mini side-smirk will work if its ‘you’.

Ideally try and get 3-5 photos of you. If you have pics of you mountain climbing and skydiving then be my guest and add them, but only if you actually enjoyed it. Photos with friends are ok but make sure they don’t mind being on there or blur them out. If you do have a furry friend then a cute pic of them cant hurt either. I mention babies and children below.

Too long and not many people will read it all. Too short and people will think you a) cant be bothered b) aren’t that interesting or c) you aren’t looking to find out anything about one another except what you look like naked. One, or all of these may be true but I would still recommend writing something.

The easiest thing is a quick like/dislike list. You are free to make this as long or as short as you like. This can also give you an opportunity to drop some humour in there or something a bit left field which is a good conversation starter.

If this doesn’t feel right for you then stick with a two paragraph blurb. The first one about you, the second one about what you’re looking for. You could ask a friend to help you with this if you’re rubbish at selling yourself. You can be as in depth as you like but I would always recommend that you…

Be open-minded

…but never use these word in your profile. Along with adventurous, wild, ‘will try anything once’ or ‘open to new things’. They pretty much all mean that you are ready to pop down to Ann Summers, buy their most revealing latex ensemble and fanciest whip and go from there. Or it will mean you get couples approaching you for extracurricular activities where three is not a crowd!

Decide how you’re going to play the ‘mum’ thing.

Lets be honest, being a mum and dating is never going to be an easy mix so you have to decide how you want to play it. Do you want to be upfront so the guys know straight away? Do you want to be open and maybe catch the eye of a single dad who would like to meet someone who knows what ‘it’ is like? Do you want to date just as a single woman before you drag the rest of your life into it or do you want to test the waters before disclosing this part of you to the male population in your area?

Only you can decide how comfortable you feel with giving out this information in your profile and if not then, how and when you would tell a potential date that you do have children. I refer back to my first tip though and I would say its probably easiest not to lie if asked. Then at least everyone knows where they stand.

I would however, warn against using pictures of your children on your profile. Yes, they are cute and they are your pride and joy but you don’t know the men that are on the site and sadly they’re not all going to be good guys. So safeguard your children and yourself and leave them off there. If a guy is interested you can show him photos on your third date when you’ve had a chance to suss him out.

Lastly I would just tell you to relax.

Don’t get too caught up in the scary unknown side of it. You’re signing up to start dating again! That’s exciting! Yes there are some knob heads on these sites but just delete or block quickly and move on. I promise dating can be great fun.

No, it may not lead to a long term relationship straight away – although it could. But in the meantime you get the opportunity to meet people you wouldn’t have met otherwise. You get to dress up and go out and get treated like a grown up, not a 5 year old’s sidekick. You get to get those fluttery feelings in your tummy, even just for a little bit and you get to find out what you like and, more importantly, what you don’t like all over again. So relax and enjoy it, who knows what or who you will find.

]]>http://theperfectjuggler.com/relationships-2/guide-to-writing-a-dating-profile/feed/01243The budget is brokenhttp://theperfectjuggler.com/money-2/budget/
http://theperfectjuggler.com/money-2/budget/#respondTue, 19 Sep 2017 15:20:53 +0000http://theperfectjuggler.com/?p=1237Yesterday evening you would’ve found me counting out my coppers at the Sainsbury’s self checkout because I am absolutely, 100%, completely, utterly skint. School summer holidays have been a complete eye opener this year and, despite attempting to budget for it and budgeting well for Charlotte’s birthday […]

]]>Yesterday evening you would’ve found me counting out my coppers at the Sainsbury’s self checkout because I am absolutely, 100%, completely, utterly skint. School summer holidays have been a complete eye opener this year and, despite attempting to budget for it and budgeting well for Charlotte’s birthday party, my overall budget is pretty broken to be honest.

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it on my blog before but when I moved house I was in the middle of selling my flat. A shared ownership flat which my ex and I owned and had lived in for 7 ish years. When we split I ‘somehow’ was left paying all the mortgage and rent and all the bills that went along with it. So, when my parents offered to help me buy I house I jumped at the chance. A chance to move on from the sad, old memories I linked with that house and a chance for my newly shaped family to grow and for me to have more control over my finances (ha ha).

Sadly that sale fell through. And so did the next one and the next one until this February when I found out that for the fifth time my flat sale had fell through.

I’m not going to lie, it knocked me sideways. Each time I got closer to the sale and each time there was another issue. Solicitors were crap. Shared ownership people were crap and sometimes it was me who was crap because I was trying to juggle too many things.

Since then it has been on the market again and nothing happened for a long time when every other time I had had another offer within weeks. All the while I was paying the mortgage, the rent, the council tax and the basic bills to keep the flat ‘saleable’. This was alongside now having to pay for all the bills and council tax for my new house too.

I did have savings which covered me for a bit but they have now been depleted. The last bit I have is stashed away for a new kitchen that is much needed and can’t be spent on anything else.

I did have my 1% pay rise (the joys of being a public servant) and mini bonus to look forward to but my new boss took a dislike to me and gave me a shit grade at my end of year performance review which has, all in all, left me pretty fucked.

As I’m ever the optimist I can just about see light at the end of the tunnel, as finally I found another buyer for the flat. But, even once that has gone through I still have to pay solicitors fees to try and explain to my ex why, no, I don’t think he should have 50% of the equity anymore.

So not only is bank balance drained and I am eating the contents of my freezer until payday and hoping I can work from home a few days to save petrol money. My energy level is pretty low too. I suppose whilst I’m sat at home not spending money I can do my budget for next month and decide whether Netflix is an ‘essential’ item or not though.

]]>http://theperfectjuggler.com/money-2/budget/feed/01237How to pull off a birthday party on a budget.http://theperfectjuggler.com/family/birthdaypartyonabudget/
http://theperfectjuggler.com/family/birthdaypartyonabudget/#respondTue, 12 Sep 2017 06:00:31 +0000http://theperfectjuggler.com/?p=1218So I have finally recovered enough after the first week back at school to tell you all about Charlotte’s birthday party. If you follow me on Instagram you will have seen a bit of the prelude but I’ve been saving most of the photos of […]

]]>So I have finally recovered enough after the first week back at school to tell you all about Charlotte’s birthday party. If you follow me on Instagram you will have seen a bit of the prelude but I’ve been saving most of the photos of the day because it was so bloody brilliant!

I know, I’m shocked too! I said last year that I wouldn’t be throwing a birthday party again for a long time (in fact I say that every year), mainly because I thought I would have to take out a second mortgage. I had also said that I wasn’t making a cake for Charlotte again, especially if I was organising the party because it costs as much as buying one plus all the stress. But, because I don’t listen to the rational side of my brain most of the time I did those exact two things…and much much more. But without spending much much more.

Now, I shall admit early on that I may have steered Charlotte away from yet another Princess party. And I may have steered her away from anything which would entail any sort of soft play. So after much discussion we landed on a festival theme. Mainly because I was having serious FOMO about another year not going to a festival and also that I could probably get away with all sorts of things and call it ‘festival theme’.

And so the planning began.

First the invitations. These had to be sent out mega early because I cleverly had my daughter right on the cusp of school starting. I did love designing these on Canva though. Even Charlotte was happy with them and she’s my toughest critic

Then to try and plan a great birthday party on a tiny budget.

So I begged and borrowed and pulled in the favours as much as I could. I got an awesome bell tent for the weekend for a days worth of de-cluttering. I got the longest string of bunting from a colleague. I got a huge garden from my parents because they were away (I did ask them I promise), Their garage also came with a range of gazebo’s, tables and chairs. I asked for volunteers to help and be bossed around on the day. I roped in a friend who is awesome at face painting who would give me mates rates and I even got my brother to dredge up his circus skills from many moons ago.

I came up with some crafts that could be done fairly easily by small children including making dream catchers (see here for a ‘how to’ video by yours truly) and juggling balls. I bought some hair chalks and tattoo transfers and I planned the menu. Hot Dogs and Mac ‘n’ Cheese both with a gluten and dairy free option. Sounded ‘festival’ enough for me and wouldn’t take too much effort.

Then there was the cake.

Which I sort of forgot about until I walked into HobbyCraft and saw a perfect (fake) Unicorn Cake. So after much Pinteresting and after one cake went in the bin, I ended up with this. A gluten free, dairy free sponge with raspberry ‘buttercream’ filling…and a penis for a horn. Nailed it.

And do you know what?

Despite the horny unicorn, it all went well! Yes, there were around 60 people who turned up which I may not have quite accounted for. Yes, it rained on and off throughout the day. Yes, I ran out of paper cups. Yes, I maybe didn’t quite cater enough for 26 hungry 5 and 6 year olds, but also yes, all the parents were awesome and helped out. Yes, all the children enjoyed it and yes, I am not having to eat birthday party left overs for the next three weeks. I wasn’t stressed. I wasn’t worried. I actually managed to keep my shit together during the prep (bar one incident we wont mention) and I think I enjoyed it as much as Charlotte did. And that’s what counts really right?

]]>http://theperfectjuggler.com/family/birthdaypartyonabudget/feed/01218I have a 6 year old!http://theperfectjuggler.com/family/i-have-a-6-year-old/
http://theperfectjuggler.com/family/i-have-a-6-year-old/#respondMon, 04 Sep 2017 13:59:18 +0000http://theperfectjuggler.com/?p=1212It's Charlotte's 6th birthday today, which for some reason has me feeling incredibly old! I have a 6 year old daughter who is going into year 1. Who's loosing teeth to make room for grown up ones. Who's choosing her own outfits and, to be […]

I have a 6 year old daughter who is going into year 1. Who's loosing teeth to make room for grown up ones. Who's choosing her own outfits and, to be honest has better style that me!

This year has seen a massive change though. We have 100% taken control of her coeliac disease making her healthier all round and growing all the time. We've also worked out that, for now, she is lactose intolerant. Which has taken some adjusting for me but Charlotte has once again taken it in her stride.

She has started school and flown through excelling at most things and teaching her teacher some new Disney songs at the same time.

She's started ballet and performed in her first show which seems to have whet her appetite for any sort of performing in public. Attempting gymnastics this year. Would love to find a drama class and cheerleading class that didn't cost the earth too!

She is dealing brilliantly with new living arrangements and a live in girlfriend at daddy's house and we (Charlotte and I, not Daddy and I) are closer than ever. Which I hope continues.

6 also seems to be the age when Birthday parties aren't quite as horrendous and she can take on some hostessing duties too. She even helped decorate the cake. More to come about the party soon.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is happy birthday Charlotte. Love you to the Milky Way and 199 miles more.

]]>http://theperfectjuggler.com/family/i-have-a-6-year-old/feed/01212“How’s the dating going?”http://theperfectjuggler.com/relationships-2/hows-dating-going/
http://theperfectjuggler.com/relationships-2/hows-dating-going/#respondSat, 26 Aug 2017 07:00:47 +0000http://theperfectjuggler.com/?p=1167This is a question I get asked most days, so I thought I’d give you a little update on my love life and dating action. But then I realised there was pretty much nothing to tell you. Unless getting RSI from swiping left constantly is […]

]]>This is a question I get asked most days, so I thought I’d give you a little update on my love life and dating action. But then I realised there was pretty much nothing to tell you. Unless getting RSI from swiping left constantly is worth mentioning?

It does, however still seem to be of massive interest to my friends and colleagues who seem to suggest new things for me to try on a daily basis.

New dating apps, for which I have to tell them that I’ve completed Tinder as there are no more men to swipe in my area. POF seems to stand for Plenty of Fucktards. happn ain’t happening and mysinglefriend.com seems to be haunted (I don’t use this term loosely) by the over 50s…and in some case the over 70s! There are specific sites for over 50s dating but I’m not quite there yet. There’s a Birmingham dating site, there’s a Worcestershire dating site. Heck, if I fancied a long distance romance there’s a Cumbria dating site and an Edinburgh dating site . But to be honest, I don’t have the time or the storage on my phone for anymore!

My friends suggest new hobbies to try that I sadly don’t have time for, or new bars to go to that I don’t have the money or a babysitter, let alone the confidence to sit alone in them.

Most helpfully they will list all of their male friends who would be perfect for me. If only they weren’t in a relationship, or about to go travelling, or a bit of a dick.

So, I’ve come to the conclusion that, sadly, I am destined to be single forever. I have even become so picky that I can’t bring myself to orchestrate a friend with benefits. Therefore I am also likely to be celibate for the foreseeable future too.

So, yeah, the dating news is, there is no news. And that may be the case until I hit it off with a tall, handsome stranger, over a oddly shaped squash in the supermarket, like all the magazines say I will.

]]>http://theperfectjuggler.com/relationships-2/hows-dating-going/feed/01167If I could give my best friend 11 pieces of advice before her baby is born.http://theperfectjuggler.com/family/11-pieces-of-advice-before-baby-is-born/
http://theperfectjuggler.com/family/11-pieces-of-advice-before-baby-is-born/#respondSat, 19 Aug 2017 07:11:48 +0000http://theperfectjuggler.com/?p=1168My best friend is pregnant. But excitingly not for much longer as D-Day for this baby is arriving very quickly! I’m sure she won’t mind me saying that her pregnancy has been pretty horrendous, suffering with hyperemesis gravidarum, or HG for short. This is a […]

]]>My best friend is pregnant. But excitingly not for much longer as D-Day for this baby is arriving very quickly! I’m sure she won’t mind me saying that her pregnancy has been pretty horrendous, suffering with hyperemesis gravidarum, or HG for short. This is a complication in pregnancy which can cause severe sickness through the full 9 months! Understandably this has left her feeling pretty low during some of those months and I’m very, very relieved that light is at the end of the tunnel for her, as I’m sure, is she! (I’m not sure if that’s a labour pun or not!)

I only had morning sickness and nausea for the first trimester when I was pregnant with Charlotte so didn’t really feel cut out to be able to help or advise with HG, so I’ve felt awful that I haven’t been able to support her better during her pregnancy. However, in preparation for the only vomit she will have to deal with being baby vomit, I thought I’d pen a few pieces of advice I wish someone had told me.

1. Trust your gut. When you have a baby you have an instinctive mama bear sixth sense. You know when they are not feeling 100% and you know when you should be seeking medical advice. Do it and if no one listens…do it again and shout louder.

2. You know what works for your baby. Yes, it is all trial and error but as long as he/she is not in harms way then do what you feel is best. Yes, there are 1000 guidelines but every baby is not the same so test out a few things and see what works.

3. You will feel rage like no other at approximately 3.12am. I don’t know what it is about this time but being woken up by a crying baby around this time is the worst. This is normal. Shout, swear, cry or kick your husband for a few seconds then get up and go to your baby.

4. Fed is best. Yes, I breastfed and yes, I would recommend it because I’m cheap and lazy but do what is best for you and your new family unit. I will support you 100% in your choice because happy mum = happy baby and breastfeeding is fucking hard work for the first few weeks/months.

5. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t follow all the rules all the time. There is enough mum guilt to come. If your baby accidentally turns on to his/her tummy during the night and sleeps well then that’s ok. If you accidentally use bio washing powder instead of non-bio, hypoallergenic, organic, cotton soft washing powder for one wash then that’s ok. If you just need to put the baby in the bouncer and go into the other room for a couple of minutes to take some deep breaths that’s ok too.

6. Don’t run out of chocolate or baby wipes.

7. The one day you forget to take a change of clothes for the baby is the day there will be an explosive poo incident. Secrete changes of clothes and nappies in every orifice you can find. Change bags, pushchairs, glove compartments, grandma’s glove compartments, upstairs, downstairs…you get the idea.

8. Also always keep a change of clothes for you in the car. Explosive poo incidents are not easy to contain.

9. Do not expect to do anything between the hours of 7-10 in the evenings for the first few weeks/months. This is optimistically called the witching hour. Make sure you have eaten and just power through. Switch partners when your legs or arms get tired of rocking and walking.

10. When rocking your baby do salsa steps front and back rather than rocking your hips side to side. This is better for your back.

11. And last, but ironically definitely not least, is don’t listen to advice if you don’t want to. Become adept at nodding and smiling, then move on, and carry on about your business in the way that works best for you. But if you ever need to bounce ideas off you know where I am.