KEITH reflects on the ill-fated reign of Berti Vogts as Scotland boss after seeing the German - now managing Azerbaijan - at the Euro 2016 qualifying draw in Nice.

THE Germans have a word for it. Schadenfreude: the feeling of enjoyment that comes from witnessing the troubles of others.

And, yes all right, I admit it. There
was more than a touch of it doing the rounds in Nice the other day when
Berti Vogts and his new adopted country, Azerbaijan, were dumped into a
Euro 2016 group that includes Italy, Croatia, Norway and Bulgaria. Good
luck with that one lads.

Funny?
It would have been easier to raise a smile were it not for the fact that we had only just been given another bunch of Germans to worry about.

And this lot might do almost as much harm to our national team in two games as Vogts managed over the course of his two years in charge – a catastrophic stint that saw Scotland plummet to an all-time low in FIFA’s rankings.

Yes,
such suffering cannot be easily wiped from the memory banks. In fact, the mere sight of Vogts in the same room as Gordon Strachan was enough to send a shiver racing down Scottish spines.

As if we didn’t have quite enough on our plate already, having just been locked into a collision course with his countrymen who will be wading into Brazil this summer looking to take over the whole damn world.

And after that? When they have returned home to a rapturous reception, having routed the South Americans on their own soil? Well, then it’s our turn.

Sunday
September 7 at a venue as yet undeclared. The day Strachan’s quest begins with what must be just about the toughest possible opening match.
Germany. Away.

And just when you thought bumping into Vogts was bad enough?

“It’s 11 against 11,” he said after being asked to assess our chances. “It’s 90 minutes of
football and, especially with Scotland, anything is possible.”

Don’t
we know it Berti. Over the years this nation of ours has come to expect
the unexpected. Thanks to you, that includes seeing people such as Warren Cummings and Robbie Stockdale in a Scotland shirt. Remember them?

These were perhaps the darkest of blue days. But, as bad as things got under Herr Berti, it would be churlish not to acknowledge
there were some good times too. In fact, if memory serves, didn’t we manage a 1-1 draw at home to these very same Germans back in June 2003?

Vogts nods his head vigorously as if to say that one result ought to vindicate all the other stuff he inflicted upon us.

He’s
off on one now. Rattling on about how he conquered Europe with the Germans in 1996. Claiming responsibility too for giving us James McFadden, Darren Fletcher and other “cheeky boys”.

And it isn’t half bringing back some bad memories...

“We did it at home when we got a draw against Germany,” said Vogts. “We also played very well against Germany in Dortmund when we lost because of a penalty which should never have been given.

“Listen, your boys need to fight, fight, fight for the country and maybe the Germans will have some problems. Scotland need to play with high speed and put them under pressure.

“I spoke with Gordon on Friday. He told me his players had been doing well.

“When Scotland play Germany they cannot be nervous even if this is a very good German team.

“You cannot say this side is better than the one I had at Euro 96 just as you can’t say they’re better than the team of ’74.

“In ’74 someone could have asked me if the side was better than the 1954 one and it’s impossible to say.

“Germany have had special teams through ALL time.

“They are special now as one of the favourites for the World Cup.

“They play with such high speed and that’s the problem for Scotland, keeping up with that tempo.”

And
to think his story could all have been so different if only Vogts had finished off what he started and qualified us for Euro 2004? Our angst could have been ended all those years ago had, under his watch, Scotland
not so carelessly tossed away that 1-0 first-leg lead from our
play-off against the Dutch.

“Yes,
but I remember we had two key players suspended,” says Vogts, who evidently remains in a state of denial over that 6-0 loss as only Christian Dailly was actually banned for the second leg.

“After that we got a bad, bad result against the Netherlands in Amsterdam.

“But
I have my fingers crossed for Scotland this time.” And you know what? He really seems to mean it, too. OK, his tenure might be something that we would all rather forget but Vogts remains fond of Scotland – and of the players he left behind.

Players
such as Fletcher and McFadden whose international careers have stalled for very different reasons in the last couple of years, much to the obvious concern of their former boss.

Vogts said: “When I met Gordon my first question was about Fletcher. I asked him, ‘What’s happening with Darren?’

“I
met Darren’s sister recently when I was in Dubai. She told me a lot of very bad things about her brother but Gordon told me on Friday things are getting better and better now.

“He
is back in training and back playing in the matches for Manchester United which is great. Soon he’ll be back for Scotland and that will be good to see.

“I wish him the best of luck because he’s a good boy. Darren is a fighter. He is Scottish and will come back, I am sure.

“As for James, is he still playing?

“I didn’t know he was back with Motherwell – what happened, why is he not playing for the national team?

“He was my tricky, cheeky boy. Someone should speak with him and say, ‘Come on, come on, this is your last chance.’

“I believe James can come back. He just has to train very, very hard...”

He’s off on one again now. It’s almost time to send him back to Azerbaijan with the nation’s best wishes
and handshake. But before he leaves he has one last word on McFadden.

“Some Scottish players are very lazy so I hope people are putting him under
pressure to return to Scotland.”

It should be hoped that’s the very last time the words “return to Scotland” and Berti Vogts are ever used in the same sentence.