NSFW Balloon Animals

For reasons too complex and bizarre to explain in full, I found myself needing to learn the craft of ballooning such that I could create sculptures of genitalia to support a lecture series at a museum.

Such a ludicrous skill should not be kept secret, so I shall share it here. What follows is a not at all safe for work guide to balloon making.

Sperm
Let’s start with something tame, a spermatozoa:

Begin by inflating your balloon, only a very small amount, though.

Next, execute a tulip twist through the entire inflated area.

Et viola! A simple sperm cell.

Here is another view with a transparent balloon so you can see the insides.

Balloon Penis

Now for something a little more risque, perhaps a lovely phallic wrist ornament?

Start by inflating your balloon by roughly 1/3.

Next, twist about 2″ of the tip of the balloon.

Take the tip of the balloon, and wrap it around the twist made in the previous step.

near the base of the inflated section, form three bulbs, the last one should be as small as possible.

Finally, twist those balls together.

And there you have a lovely phallic bracelet.

If you prefer, you can add some realism by putting one balloon inside another.

Like this:

Ryan is a professional nerd, teaching engineering in the frozen north. Somewhat less professionally, he is a costumer, author, blacksmith, juggler, gamer, serial enthusiast, and supporter of the Oxford comma. He can be found on twitter and instagram @studentofwhim.
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