Reviews

Don't use asides to the reader (anyway, back to the story). It detracts from your narrative. You need to find a beta--that is, a proofreader. Poor grammar makes a story very difficult and often uncomfortable to read; however, your content is very good.

I went and read the other "Tony Stark" story and I have to say I like this one better...so far.

Author's response

i dont have anyone to help me, so i did the best i can. thank you for your help

Some good ideas but the first two-thirds of the chapter needs rewriting with more dialog driving things than straight narration; it works better to show the read rather than tell them - it's also way more "challenging". Still, you've got someunique elemsnts here and I'm going to be most interested in seeing hwo matters evolve.

Very interesting story so far, I'm kinda baffled over the Goblet of fire book, but I guess it involves an interesting plotline in itself. The druid wedding I'm afraid was kinda boring, if I personaly was going to write in a wedding, I'd have just abrieviated it to the most important parts instead of the whole shebang. Keep up the good work.

Only problem I have is this:
[quote]"FAVORITE story, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling"[/quote]

I thought this was a Harry Potter crossover with Iron Man.
So how can Harry's favorite book be one with him self as main character?
It might sound strange, but I rather see him read Treasure Island then that book.
Heck the only book close is Lord of the Ring, and that is way to heavy in writing style (for a kid).