Connecting Crystal

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I'm just a girl in the world.. that kind of likes to write. Mom of 2 teen girls & work as Talent Attraction & Marketing professional. Oh, & I'm addicted to my phone, Social Media, HR/Talent Marketing & Caffeine... you can learn more about me at www.linkedin.com/in/theonecrystal

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Let’s Meet… Or Not: A “Being Crystal” Post

For the last I don’t even know how long, I’ve been trying to find time to meet this guy I connected with online. True to form for me; we’d make plans and then I’d have to break them for one reason or another. I don’t remember them all now; but I’m pretty sure they were all legit & not just because I didn’t feel like getting dressed up for a date. Whatever the reasons, bottom-line is that we still, months later, haven’t actually met.

So, a few weeks ago, he asks if we can try again to meet; to which I respond with, “Sure.” During that time I was also incredibly busy between work demands & a sick kiddo. I told him this a couple of times while he was Facebook messaging me during the day & then seemingly getting annoyed when I hadn’t responded.

As an aside? This is totally not fair, but it completely annoys me when guys try to set dates with me, or even expect me to carry on conversations with them, during the day. I have no rational explanation for this other than when I’m at work? I’m working & that’s where my thoughts are focused (1). Conversely, I get annoyed when I feel like I have to deal with work-related issues with clients/candidates/employers after 9pm or before 7am in the morning. If I didn’t schedule it for that time & the world isn’t crumbling down? I don’t want to be bothered during the 6 hours a day that I consider to be truly “off-time” … 4 of which I spend sleeping.

I realized I was also a little annoyed because the onus was put on me to figure out where we would meet. Time? I get. I’m busy. But, if I’ve figured out the time; doesn’t it stand to reason he should figure out the place?? When I thought about it, I recognized this pattern – with only one exception out of the over thirteen times (2) we’d tried to meet; he’d expected me to pick the place. I truly don’t like being the one figuring out where to go on first meetings &/or dates. Mainly this is because it’s typically at a restaurant and I really don’t care as long as the food isn’t fried – even money I’m ordering a salad, anyway. (4) They serve salads EVERYWHERE. As such, I don’t remember restaurant names easily and so it’s annoying to try to think of one. I know, I know… I’m ridiculous. I accept that; but doesn’t change the way I think. I think it boils down to this: I like being initially pursued & I’m pretty up front about it; that effort means something to me…. and putting it all on me doesn’t feel like I’m being pursued.

A couple of days before we were supposed to meet I sent him a message (3) with a where/when we could meet for coffee. Despite being slightly put-off, I tried to remain upbeat because he does appear to be a genuinely nice guy. Show up at the appointed time and the guy wasn’t there.

I wasn’t mad – I don’t think I could be for something like that… it’s coffee, I ‘d have it anyway. Didn’t really think anything of it until this morning when it hit me: He’d never confirmed. And, I realized, this wasn’t a first; there were many times where I wouldn’t hear anything from him and so assumed it wasn’t a ‘go.’ No harm, no foul – until he then would contact me a few days AFTER and asked what’d happened to me. I’d feel bad, remembering only I needed to cancel & take the “blame.”

Truth was, it wasn’t really just me; there was a weird, lackadaisical behavior with both of us towards getting together. Maybe we both were too busy to try to date (5)… but maybe it’s just that we didn’t want to close off the option of being ABLE to date… if nothing better came along.

We do that a lot in society; we keep our “plan b” – and c, d, e, f – open to make sure we don’t come up empty-handed. Because rather than be without something or someone; we’ll settle for the ‘good’ we can have instead of the ‘great’ we really want. I’m not sure if this is a bad thing or a good thing, really. I guess I see both sides of it – there’s always greener pastures; so you could ostensibly wait forever & never get the great you’re looking for. But, on the other hand… if you can’t get motivated enough to make something happen? Maybe that’s something inside of you saying it isn’t a good fit after all. I think, my friends, that’s called a conscience… and as Jiminy Cricket so aptly said, we should “always let [our] conscience be [our] guide.”

Good Call, Jiminy.

(1) More or less.

(2) I think that’s right – seems like it’s been that many times – and that’s WAY above the norm (by about a dozen).

(3) can’t remember if it was email or text; but doesn’t really matter

(4) Not because I’m trying to keep from gaining weight; but because I LIKE salads & I couldn’t eat them for two years & if I get the right side of my jaw fixed? I won’t be able to eat them for another year; so I’m getting them in NOW.