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Let’s see, where did we leave off? I watched the Halloween episode in a bar, so my memory is fuzzy. AH! I remember, last episode was kinda just like whatever, except for Hanna’s heaving titties, those were exceptional. Basically it was just an excuse to plug the new not as good show, Ravenswood. Later, Caleb! There was a huge bombshell at the end of the episode that Alison’s is alive! Also, Ezra might be A! That makes him even hotter if you ask me.

God, lots of stuff happened. Anyway so Alison isn’t dead! Who is buried in her place? That is what the girls are trying to figure out. Hanna has some theories and actually gets a gold star this episode. She actually steps up and gets shit done! She does get some points knocked off for pronouncing the word gazebo, gayz-bow, and for wearing really terrible pants during her crinkled cry face break up scene with Caleb, but overall, she was aces. She actually did a google search for girls who may have disappeared near Rosewood around the time Alison “died”. She found a girl named Sara Harvey that vanished who was JUST LIKE ALI! Complete with a set of friends just like our Pretty Little Liars. Hanna sets up a meeting with a couple of the girls and the casting people get kudos for finding actresses that are just THAT much less good looking than the main actresses to really highlight their ridiculous beauty.

Pretty, but not AS pretty.

All right. I am already behind, as the new episode aired yesterday and I haven’t even watched it yet! I instead watched Now and Then with my lady friends, ate adult chocolate pudding soup, and talked about butt sex. Don’t worry! I will watch it today, and the recap will be out by the end of the week. RELAX EVERYONE! Anyway, since I am so behind, I will just highlight some important points instead of a full recap.

I love how bitchy Spencer is. She was outright incredulous that Hanna had theories about what happened with Ali, and I like it! She looked really lovely this episode. Bitch face really works for her.

What is the world is going on with Toby’s (Blackberry Mouth) hair? I mean I get what he’s going for, but dude you are not pulling it off. You look like Pat Sajak, in a bad way.

Nope.

For some reason, Emily told Paige that her and Ali had kissed and Paige got all butthurt about it. Good. I don’t like Paige. I hope she is A and ends up falling off a cliff or something dramatic like that.

Ezra and Aria kissed! He wants another chance after she graduates from high school. LIKE I HAVEN’T HEARD THAT ONE BEFORE. Is he A? What is in that weird trap door thing in his friend’s house? What is going on with Aria’s wardrobe? Who wears this many ruffles to school? Alls I know is I hope Jake is out of the picture, because he was the most boring boyfriend in the history of television.

This episode had so many sighs, and most of them came from Spencer’s dad, Mr. Hastings. Do grown men sigh that much in real life?

During the episode ABC Family had different hashtags they wanted the public to use during the episode. We created our own, #PLLSIGHS due to all the above mentioned sighing, and during a scene with Mona and Ezra, in which Mona really unsubtly hinted that she knows he is leading a double life, the hashtag was #MonaKnows. Best tweet of the night:

Sigh, Hanna’s pants, Hanna’s pants, Hanna’s pants. I talked about them earlier, but here is a picture. Is this the last thing you want your boyfriend to see before he has to go deal with supernatural shit in another town? No. The answer is no.

It’s no wonder that Caleb was crying all over his steering wheel.

And that’s all for episode 14! I am sorry this week was a cop out. See y’all soon with a full recap of episode 15. Thanks to Wetpaint for the gif!