Marriage: What can we do to change society’s pursuit of marriage without any focus on roles and values?

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The society we live in constantly reminds us to get married but nobody tells you what to do after the actual marriage ceremony and the couple mostly concentrate more on the ceremony/date than the whole “forever until death does us part thing” that’s why we have more divorce.

What parents need to do and the society at large is to teach us our primary role in our homes. What can we do to change this? What can we do to change society’s pursuit of marriage without any focus on roles and values?

20 Answers

Marriage is used to force people into a specific mold by the system. One can not vie for president if they are not married. People will look at you in an awkward way, like if s/he can not get a partner, how will she take care of the whole nation.

Religious institutions also use it as a way of forcing people into submission. They dictate who you marry, when you marry and even sometimes when you divorce. I say follow your heart girl. Society won’t share that bed with you!

There’s a theory floating around that just because they’re married, they’re more responsible. While in essence that could be true of some, it couldn’t be farther from the truth for others. Also, in politics, getting married is a status symbol and the ability to stay married is a form of superiority in most cases if you look at it. Most politicians have shit marriages because of this notion. All they focus on is creating a facade for the outside world that they forget to do all else a marriage really requires of them.

Sadly no-one can really give you an answer to what you asked. Read the question on marriage I had asked a few weeks ago, hopefully it might shed some light, but even that will not give you a silver-bullet.

From my experiences and observations thus far, I believe marriage is a man-made social institution like religion. And, like religion, is not imperative for what it claims to represent. Religion is an institution that supposedly governs a human being’s relationship with the unknown (hence ‘faith’) and likewise marriage is an institution that governs a human being’s interaction with a spouse. Both have elements of control from without. Now, it is up to you to decide whether you want your relationship with whoever you are with to be dictated by society or whether you want the two of you to map out you own path.

For those like me, who embrace misanthropy with no mercy, the choice is a no-brainer, but for most people what society thinks plays a critical role in their choices.

But then also we need to keep in mind that our personal preference is formed by the society in which we grow up. You might think you’re doing it because you want to but in actual sense it’s because it’s a thing everyone does and that’s all you’ve seen from child up.

Actually, marriage is a product of human evolution and was reprogrammed to fit religion. Not the other way around. Initially, marriage was nothing more than a bond between a man and woman/women to take care of children. A social utility to ensure mankind’s success in breeding and nurturing of young ones. It is said that pre-agrarian revolution, both men and women were equal partners in anything and everything. Men and women had roles and responsibilities which each gender adhered to. Then rise of sexual disease led to monogamy, and then marriage was turned into a contract for politics and inheritances reasons. Then womenfolk ended up disenfranchised. Maybe the question we should be asking is, why should one get married (aside from societal pressures)? In modern eras, what utility does marriage provides?

Marriage helps maintain the basic unit of society which is the family. We can not dowb play its relevance. This said, it is still misused and I do not approve of the version of marriage forced onto people.

I think there are circles that actually have the right ideologies to marriage. Now if you’re looking for it in mainstream areas, you’ll never get it.

Want to know what works and what doesn’t? Sit down with different married couples, who are willing to share their stories. Those who won’t show you just one side, but everything including how they solve conflict.

Everyone has conflict, but like you said, mutual values and mutual support goes a long way.

But to find such, you have to look. They’re not on social media or mainstream media

In the African Set up, mostly it’s assumed that the couples know what is to come after marriage. So the people will just be in for it just for the ceremony and celebrations. Marriage mostly is a personal decision and if you don’t think beyond the yes I do, you may eventually have to say Yes I do not. Best thing is to take things slowly and focus. You may also have to learn from other people.

I feel we should stop looking to other people (parents and society) to teach us what need be done and look intrinsically at what WE INDIVIDUALLY can do to evoke this change in ourselves and hopefully those around us and have it pass on to the future generations.

I think its high time our parents or the elderly speak to the youth concerning marriage and its duties.
They tend to encourage one to marry based on age,wealth etc forgetting that doesn’t make up a successful marriage .

We should learn to share our problems sometimes to help us gain solutions
The society needs to talk more about the negative side than the positive part.

A lot of people in Africa don’t seem to have a need for deeper fulfilment, for them a certain path has been set and once they are in the marriage, they believe every other things will be sorted out. It is more of appeasing the parents and society at large. It’s a psychological issue, they see having a big wedding as the main goal, while both parties dwelling in the path of emptiness. They don’t reflect on individual goals and how they can help each other become better versions of themselves

More African films & series should focus on the role of marriage & the day-to-day woes & joys so we can learn that marriage is not a fairytale but is LIFE, pure & simple. We don’t live our whole life inside one perfect day. Similarly, marital life has its ups, downs and ups! You just get to choose who you do this Married Life with! (well, hopefully 🙂