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Top 10 Reasons Why I Gave Up on God

That’s it. I’ve had it. After almost four weeks of believing in God, I’ve given him up. I don’t believe in him anymore. My reasons are moral, intellectual, and ideological. The following are my top ten reasons for giving up on God.

10. I found out some people think God is a bearded man on a cloud. I don’t want people to think I’m stupid, so I gave up on God.

9. I found out about the Big Bang. My curiosity goes no further than that, so I don’t need God anymore.

8. Speaking of science, I also found out about molecules, evolution, Alexander Graham Bell, the mating ritual of the majestic housefly, Stephen Hawking’s wheelchair, dinosaurs, and other fascinating phenomena. All this information was so fascinating, in fact, that it automatically disproves and must necessarily displace the idea of a God, to my mind. I can believe 7 things, but certainly not 8. That’s pushing it.

7. I heard about the Crusades, the Spanish Inquisition, the Klu Klux Klan, pedophilic priests, abortion clinic bombers, and other Christian institutions and people who have done bad things in the name of Christ, so I cannot in good conscience support Christianity. By the same token, I am also against wombs, since they’re the ones who incubated all these jerks. Also, the sun. I also find Existence Itself to have originated terrible movies like that Matt Damon and Jodie Foster vehicle Elysium, so I’ll be picketing Existence Itself this Saturday on the Capitol Steps if anyone wants to join me. Free coffee, doughnuts, and suicide nooses.

6. I prayed for a Miata and all I got was this lousy Camaro.

5. My mom believes in God and I find my mom extremely annoying, ergo I cannot in good conscience believe in God. That’s just Aristotelian logic.

4. My church sucks.

3. My girlfriend doesn’t believe in God.

2. I don’t need God. I don’t need anyone or anything. Everything I do, I do by myself, with my own blood, sweat, and tears, thank you very much. I’m a bootstrapper, a liberty lover, a staunch individualist. I am the one who personally, singlehandedly made a delicious tomato lentil chili the other day. I also personally invented lentils and photosynthesis. Also, my tax dollars literally paid for all of the roads.

10. From Intro to Logic 101 we learn that the truth stands on its own and is not determined by what ignorant people may think or how many ignorant people may think it.

So you are just being an ignorant herd animal by adopting your reason #10.

9. From science we have learned that their is nothing before the Big Bang. So whatever you think came before the Big Bang is either the First Cause (God) or something completely imaginary, unscientific and ridiculous like the “multiverse.”

So you are just being ridiculous and unscientific by adopting reason #9.

8. The Christian worldview is what led to the development of modern science. During the nearly 1000 years of the Middles Ages, the Catholic Church systematically educated the best minds in Europe.

Four years of math and physics was a prerequisite for philosophy and theology. Because atheists are dogma-driven and not reason-driven they never question why it is only Christian Western Civilization that developed modern science.

So again, you are just running with the misinformed and ignorant herd by adopting reason #8.

7. Blaming God for the evil that men do is as unjust as blaming an innocent person for the crimes committed by someone else.

So one must become unjust in order to adopt reason #7.

6. God is not anyone’s personal ginn who grants wishes on command.

So one must believe in fair tales to adopt reason #6 and be an atheist.

5. Atheists are far more annoying than your mom. Ergo being an atheist is far more annoying to others than your mom.

This calls for a flat out rejection of reason #5 and proves that atheism is a crime against your mother.

4. Change churches.

Reason #4 proves that atheists cannot tolerate change.

3. Divorce your girl friend.

Evil women are always the downfall of good atheists.

2. God doesn’t need you either.

But you continue to exist. Consequently God continues to exist in spite of your perverse needs.

1. Reasons 1 – 9 demonstrate that a person must be stupid in order to be an atheist.

So reading your post not only drove me to drink, it drove me to religion.