Relationship and Dating

Tag Archives: the date

It can be difficult to strike a good balance when dating. How do you appear interested without coming off as desperate or needy? How do you get to know someone without being nosy or rude? And how do you figure out how a person feels about you–or tell them how you feel about them–without either of you feeling uncomfortable? Dating is a tricky business, but here are some guidelines that’ll keep you in the mix.

Define your expectations. Why are you dating? What are you looking for? Do you want a lifetime commitment, or do you want to live completely in the moment? Whether or not you’re seeking a commitment can make a difference in how you approach dating. If you’re dating for fun and companionship, what matters most is how well you get along, right off the bat. If you’re seeking a partner, you should be more willing to overlook initial shyness and awkwardness so that you can get to know a person over more than one date. Most of us are looking for a mixture of fun and commitment, but it’s important to know where you stand so that you can figure out if your date is on the same page. Don’t go out looking for a one-nighter.

Put yourself out there. You don’t have to hit the bars or the clubs to meet new people (although you can, if that’s something you enjoy doing anyway). Pursue interests and activities that mean a lot to you. The Internet has made this a whole lot easier. Check forums, listings, classifieds, and Internet mailing lists (known as “listservs”) for local events or meetings that are likely to attract people with similar interests or passions. When you’re there, be bold. If approaching someone you’re interested in isn’t really your style, you can still be bold by making yourself look approachable and inviting. Make eye contact, smile, raise your eyebrows–make a connection from across the room. Body Language is very important and can make someone interested in you. Don’t cross your arms because that makes you look closed off.

Be selective. Don’t just date anyone who shows an inkling of interest in you. Despite what everyone says about not judging a book by its cover, people who are more discriminating tend to be seen as more desirable probably because having standards shows that you value yourself and aren’t going for a date with whoever crosses your path. At the same time, you don’t want to be too selective–if you keep holding out for the perfect person, you’re guaranteed to miss out. If you’re in a room full of people with similar interests, you should be able to pick out one or two people who you’d like to date–not 10, not 0. Make it a point to not leave the event without showing interest and making a connection with a few people. Trading phone numbers and meeting in person is often a sign that a person desires an actual relationship.

If someone asks you on a date and you’re not interested, avoid making excuses like “I’m busy” or “I’m not ready to date right now.” They’ll eventually see that you’re only too busy for them, and they’re the only one you’re not ready to date. This can be more hurtful and insulting than just saying “no”. Handle it gracefully. Smile and say “No thanks, but I appreciate the offer” and change the subject to ease any discomfort.

Make a good first impression. You want this person to enjoy the date, but you also want them to enjoy you as an individual, so be considerate and charming without looking or acting like someone you’re definitely not. People who do a very good job molding their behavior to other people’s expectations actually tend to have less satisfying relationships. It’s certainly possible–and beneficial for both you and your date–to make someone feel at ease without sacrificing your identity. Let them discover who you are (and don’t swing to the other extreme, babbling about your life story and overwhelming them with too much information).

Have good manners. Turn off your phone (the only reason you should be checking or answering your phone is if you’re a doctor). Don’t act uninterested or frown. Gazing off into space while s/he is eating/talking isn’t good either, and makes it look like you want to get out as soon as possible. Concentrate on your date; don’t check out anyone else, no matter how slick you think you might be about it.

Don’t talk about past relationships. This is a no-no and a sure turn-off. You will only project the impression that you are unable to let go. If your partner asks about your last relationship, just tell them that you realized the two of you weren’t as compatible as you initially thought, so you have moved on to look for someone with whom to discover greater mutual happiness. Keep it brief and don’t ask about their ex.

Be interested and interesting. Don’t exaggerate or boast about your credentials, successes, etc. Just tell them what you really enjoy in life, what gets you excited and what you want to leap out of bed to pursue. Ask them what they really love in life and what gets them excited. Feel the change in energy during this conversation and revel in it.

Don’t forget to add a spark of humor to your conversations. Humor can create a stronger bond of friendship between you two. It is also great to crack romantic jokes, as it brings up the possibility of what might happen between the two of you.

Be positive. If you have had a bad day, still greet them with pleasure and a big smile. Don’t show up for your date complaining about the traffic, your boss, or your job. If you must whine, whine a little during dinner and end that very short whine with a “glad I’m here with you now!” remark.

Avoid being smothering or obsessive. Never call, e-mail or text message more than once a day unless they reply. Continue with other activities and let them know you’ve got a life beyond dating. At the same time, don’t get carried away with the “hard to get” act–the idea is to overcome any feeling that you “need” to call them, or you “need” to see them again, or you “need” this to work out. The difference between “needing” and “wanting” is patience.

Don’t plan another date too quickly. Your partner (and you) need time to assess your feelings about the date and prepare to accept another one. Within a short time after (1-7 days) call your partner and express your feelings about where to go next in the relationship (like one date at a time, or more dating, or less, or more casual, or more formal, or to cut it off, become friends, or what have you…).

Be honest. If you are not ready to be in a committed relationship, let them know straight away so that you do not give them false hope. If you’re just not interested in a relationship with them anymore, tell them so. Don’t lead them on. Explain that you just don’t see it going anywhere. Don’t say that you want to be friends unless you actually want to be friends and spend time with this person on a regular basis. If you are interested in seeing this person more often, honesty is still a critical ingredient to a healthy relationship!

Don’t try too hard and allow spontaneity. Learn to relax and be original. If this relationship goes somewhere, leading to something deeper and more serious, your originality will hold great memories for the other half. We all appreciate the simple sweet gestures, or memories which are likely to bring warmth or a smile to our faces.

Have you noticed a cute boy or girl at school but wondered how you could get a date with that person? Are you a career woman/man and your biological clock’s alarm is ringing? Are you just not sure how to get a date with someone? Here are some steps to help you.

Go where people are. That sounds simplistic, but to get a date, one obviously has to be around other people in various places including: school, library, museum, mall, restaurant, club, sporting event, service organization, party, and so on.

Join an online dating service. It’s a fact that there are more men on these services than women. So, if you’re a woman looking for a man, join up! Some of the big ones will let you in completely free simply because you’re a woman! You will be deluged in messages from interested men. Just remember, beware giving out personal identifying information, never fall for sob stories from poor men far away who need you to give them money, and if you agree to meet, meet somewhere public and busy. Consider having a “play phone” – get a cheap or spare cell phone on a cheap plan, so you can give out its phone number while you’re meeting strangers. If you find a stalker, simply get a new number. Your corporate phone on your business card is going to be a disaster to change the number on.

If you’re a man seeking a woman you’re going to have to work a bit harder. With online dating services, make an effort to put up good (current) photographs, and talk about your life and what you like doing. To rebalance the odds, you could try taking up activities that involve more women than men. Dancing activities (like classes or ballroom dancing activities), theatre, musical activities like choirs and musical theatre, cooking classes, and book clubs all attract more women then men. Women of all ages. You simply being there makes you highly interesting.

Ask for help. Put it out there. Tell all the older people at work and in your community “What I’d really like is to find a nice girl and settle down.” If they find someone for you, get them to host a family dinner with you and the beau/belle as additional guests. The matchmaker can gather intelligence between courses to see if it’s a triumph or disaster, and if it’s not good they can get you both out of it in dignity without a word of discomfort. You’d be amazed how helpful parents and their networks can be with this kind of thing. Referrals from family or friends are really worth looking at – if your uncle invites you to dinner to meet his new co-worker, it’s likely he might have a clue in selecting someone appropriate.

Don’t be put off by a divorcee! Often people come into the singles “market” after a divorce or breakup of a longterm relationship. One divorce shows someone who has had good experience with relationships and the successes and failures. Five divorces of course means something else!

Get to know them. You want to make sure you actually like this person before you ask. The person might not be what you think. Have small conversations with them and compliment them every now and then. Try not to make it too obvious. See how he/she reacts. Does he/she listen to you and seem interested?

Pop the question. If you talk enough and become good friends with them, then they’ll be more interested in you than if you didn’t talk to them at all. Then, say something like “Well, I really would like to get to know you. You seem like a really interesting person, so I was wondering if you’d like to go to the movies on Friday night?” This is simply a guideline but you should actually have something worked out to say so you don’t fumble for the words.

Have your own life. If you tend to fall into the “friend zone”, this will be especially important. Real girls (girls with a strong sense of purpose and self-worth) don’t like guys who have no lives, and who cling to them like plastic wrap. Some girls do like that, but for all the wrong reasons—–either they’re insecure and needy for attention, or they’re control freaks who have a need for dominating guys. Unless you want to sign up for either of those scenarios, focus filling your time with your own friendships, interest, hobbies and goals.

Make an impression. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution here. What impresses one girl might make another roll her eyes. Your best bet is to be yourself. Demonstrate a unique skill, talent or something difficult to do that you’re proud of, like playing guitar and singing in tune at the same time, something that sets you apart from the crowd. Not only will this make her feel good about you, but it can boost your confidence, too. Impress her, but do not boast too much about your great achievements and plans.

Be her friend. Girls don’t just fall for random strangers. (Well, some do, but the relationship never goes very far!) If you’re in the same lecture or tutorial as her, find out her name. Every time she walks into the room, smile at her. Sometimes this is all it takes for a young woman to notice you. At the same time though, don’t do this too often! It will just end up looking like you’re obsessed with her. But if you talk to other women too, like friends of yours, then she’ll see that you’re all there. If she doesn’t seem to see you, when she walks by, just say “Hi _______,” in a friendly way. This way she’ll know you exist.

Speak to her. Don’t just admit that you like her, then be completely silent. If you talk to her once in a while, then she knows you still like her. If you’re completely silent, then she will think that you don’t like her and she won’t like you either. If your conversation skills need a polish, read a few of these:

Flirt. When you see or meet a girl you like, make brief eye contact and smile. Strike up a casual conversation. Most importantly, relax. The more you talk to girls, the more relaxed you’ll become. Don’t think of her as the girl of your dreams; don’t worry about what will happen if you make a bad joke, or if you have something stuck to your teeth. She may be just as nervous, and small mistakes will likely go unnoticed or will simply be ignored. Enjoy interacting with this attractive, friendly girl whose path crossed yours. Live in the moment. Just be careful that you don’t get so caught up in the moment that you say or do something you might regret later.

Talk to her. Tell her what you really enjoy in life, what gets you excited and find out what gets her excited. Be positive. If you had a bad day, still greet her pleasantly with a big smile. Most importantly, listen to everything she says. Whether she talks about herself, her family, hobbies or anything, pay attention. Some things could be useful or important to know later in the relationship. Nod to show that you’re listening, and also respond to what she says so she knows that you really are listening. Women are very appreciative of guys who demonstrate sincere interest in what they say.

Be romantic. The stereotypical icons of romance (roses, candles, chocolate and teddy bears) can only go so far. Think about what really gets that special someone excited. Recognize what makes her unique; find and do things that only she would appreciate. What are her quirky (perhaps secret) interests, obsessions and fantasies? Whenever she’s shopping, talking, or watching a movie, what makes her eyes light up? Pay attention! Girls easily notice if you still remember things they told you a long while ago. Being romantic means acknowledging how special a person is, and that means demonstrating that you know––better than anyone else in the world—–what makes her unique.

Break the touch barrier. There are several ways to touch a girl without being sleazy. Hold her coat while she puts it on. Offer her your hand when she’s stepping on an uneven surface. Hold out your hand so you can lead her through a crowd. If she’s worried, put your hand lightly on her shoulder to comfort her. These are all polite ways to get a little closer to someone without being creepy. Women feel touch more sensitively than most men, even if they put up a tough front, so make sure the touching is light; for example, don’t slap her on the back. If you see any signs of discomfort, stop! Otherwise, she’ll probably enjoy the affection.

Compliment her. If you really like someone, you probably appreciate a lot of things about her. Why not let her know? If anything is different or new (her hairstyle, nail polish color, shirt, etc.), make note of it. The more unique the compliment, the better received it will be, unless she’s shallow. Most girls like being complimented on something that makes them distinct, not something that plenty of other women have. If you compliment her appearance, try to be original, perhaps by specifying a particular feature. Better yet, compliment her personality or skills. If you’re not sure what’s good or bad complimenting, read How to Compliment Girls. You can tell her she’s beautiful only about once or twice. If you’re going to compliment her, compliment her on her personality, how good she is at something, how she does things, etc. If she’s very pretty, it’s likely that several other guys have already mentioned it to her; it may sound trite after a while. Complimenting her appearance too much may make her think you’re shallow and maybe that you just want to have sex with her, and you don’t want to give that impression.

Make her laugh. Telling jokes or funny stories is a classic way to make a person laugh, but not the only way. Find out which are her favorite comedians, funny movies, or sitcoms. Watch them with her. Be bold and think of some antics that will make her laugh. Tell her to dare you to do something, then do it (as long as it’s not illegal, of course). Laughter will come by itself if both of you are relaxed and enjoying each other’s company.

Ask her out. Invite her to go somewhere or to do something with you. Make sure it’s something that you’re both interested in. If you want, show her your world. Bring her somewhere that you feel comfortable and preferably, where you have or do something you’re proud of. Alternatively, you can express interest in seeing her world. Is she a musician? Ask if you can see her perform. Is she a mathematician? Ask to read her report or thesis. If you aren’t yet ready or comfortable with the idea of sharing your personal lives to that extent, just go out for lunch or do something simple together, maybe with a small group of friends, where you can get to know her better.

Look Good. Keep yourself in good shape and well groomed. Work out run a mile or two, do some sit ups, get a six pack, etc. Just don’t overdo it; girls don’t like it when you have too many muscles, as that just shows that you love your muscles possibly more than you’d love her. The main point is to keep fit. And whatever your age or looks, being well groomed will set you apart from men who can’t be bothered. Every girl likes to know that the guy she’s keen on looks after himself and cares about his presentation to the world. If you want to get a woman to like you, basic cleanliness and appearance makes a huge difference on your success in the dating zone. Brush your teeth, shave etc. When you take care of yourself, it makes you more appealing to others, whether dating or not, and it will have an impact on your level of confidence. If you are going to see that “special someone”, make sure you’re feeling and looking your best. Girls notice things like bad breath, scruffy faces and greasy hair before they notice that winning personality. Give them a chance to see your good qualities by making a good first impression.

Give her high value. Women want to feel important and valued; do not pay only two pennies for her when she knows she is worth fifty pennies, figuratively speaking. When communicating with her, make an effort to say more rather than less and to keep things personal rather than generic. When you want to ask her out or to do something with you, ask in person, preferably at her home. She needs to know that you’re prepared to go the extra mile and not wuss out on her.

After there’s a bit of mutual attraction, start throwing out low-level “bait”––little jokes that hint at interest––to see if she bites. A good baiting statement should be light and playful, and usually ambiguous. There’s a certain look a woman will give you if you get that right (and if she’s the right girl to begin with). It’s like you gave her the secret handshake. She’ll look back at you for a couple of seconds, wondering if you “get it” or if you just accidentally stumbled on the right words. When she does this, hold eye contact, and don’t react. Wait for her to say the next thing. “Baiting” is how women flirt too, so be on the lookout for things she might be “joking” about or things that could have a double meaning.

Take your time. Don’t be pushy or needy. Nice girls normally need longer time than boys to develop deeper feelings. Continue courting her by following the steps above, but don’t rush things. If you end up in a relationship with this girl, she’ll always remember how you made her feel when you were just getting to know each other. Make her feel appreciated, not invisible or smothered. Do the chase slowly, gently but steadily, to allow her to get accustomed to a new man in her life, reduce the fear of sexual advances (if any), and for you to look less desperate. Do not force the relationship; carefully look for clues on where and when you can see her again.

Be yourself. You are unique. Be the authentic you. Bring out your best. Let her know you as who you truly are. Use your talents, gifts, and strengths and let yourself be known. If you have great sense of humor, share that with her. If you love science, music, poetry, politics, or sports, let her know what you love. The right woman will fall for you and love you just the way you are.

To find a girl is interesting thing. It is based on you target of girl you want to meet. There are many places that you can go and meet a girl. My suggestion is find a girl that have same interest with you and find the place you can do your hobbies. Maybe you have some interest. Maybe you can check the place where you can find a girl in a place that you like also. For example you like reading book, you can hang out with a friend to go bookstore. If you like sport you can go to gym. If you like drink you can go to bar or if you like study you can go to library.

There are some plus point if you go to place that you like with your friends

1. You go to place to find a girl that have same interest with you, and easy to make a conversations

2. Girls like boy who have life, do your hobbies, own friendships, interest, and goals.

Actually you can extend your knowledge while you find a girl, check this suggestion: