History of Stupid People

Jeremy Schell

The history of the stupid people is as long and rich as any race or culture that exists on earth. Their influence can be found in nearly every ancient and modern civilization. Yet, unlike many peoples that have adapted and evolved in response to external and internal influences over the centuries, the stupid people have largely remained true to their roots.

As a result of passing on their beliefs and practices over the centuries, their behavior over time has been remarkably consistent. It is this consistency that makes them an exciting and fascinating group to study. And unlike many other groups, you don’t have to go very far to find a stupid person.

Who are the stupid people? The relationship between the stupid people and morons, idiots, and fools are often misunderstood. Contrary to widespread belief, the stupid people are considered, and consider themselves, a separate people from the morons, idiots, and fools. Historically, the stupid people have largely dominated over and out numbered all three other groups combined. The misconception that the four groups are related probably stems from the fact that morons and idiots have imitated many rituals and behaviors practiced by the stupid people. However, stupid people are a distinct group. [Although recent evidence (Solomon, Schuster, et. al…1995) suggests that at one time, probably early in the first millennium, stupid people and idiots lived together and interbred in parts of Southern and Western Europe. Hence the half-breed term – "stupid idiot"]

What largely separates the stupid people from the others groups is their social interaction. Unlike fools, idiots, and morons, stupid people are highly social creatures that tend to validate each others views and beliefs. This can lead to what scholars call a "group delusion." It is believed that these delusions are the glue that have bound stupid people everywhere together over the centuries.

THE HISTORY
The history of the stupid people begins in the middle east. Although not much is known of the stupids during this time, it is believed that they were largely beggars and thieves. Since early times, the stupid people widely persecuted the fools. The roots of this persecution have their origins in the biblical writings. Fools are mentioned in the scriptures and the stupid people are not. This created tension between the two peoples as the fools declared themselves the chosen inferior people. This led to the indiscriminate stoning of fools by stupid people. Later, fool burning was common practice during medieval and early industrial times. The tension between the two peoples continues to this day.

Stupid people lived among the ancient Greeks and produced a number of philosophers themselves. The early philosopher, Sucamedes, was the first to recognize that the absence of everything is equivalent to nothing. He had a large number of stupid followers and much of his works is still passed on from parent to child today. Stupicles, from Pheces, taught that all things could be crushed by a large enough stone. His students, known as stoners, practiced herbal medicine and mastered many techniques in consuming solid food through their nasal cavities. Stupicles was also a prolific writer. Unfortunately, his twelve volumes of philosophical works, which he wrote entirely on an Egyptian beach, was lost during a high Mediterranean tide.

With the rise of the Roman Empire, many stupid people sought the stability and steady work afforded by slavery. The stupid people however, made poor slaves, and many were forced into Christianity so that they could be fed to the lions. Others were driven out of the Roman Empire into Northern Europe where they settled many colonies. The void left by the fall of the Roman Empire provided the stupid people an opportunity to flourish unhindered in Europe. Historically, this is the only time when stupid people had near total political and economic control in a region. The widely successful inquisition and black plague were engineered by stupid people, as were the crusades. It is this time in history that stupid people look back on with the greatest pride.

The stupid people didn’t fair so well during the industrial revolution since the philosophical and scientific frameworks of Descartes and Newton didn’t give much leeway to superstition and planned ignorance. More and more stupid people found themselves falling into the ranks of the working masses. Stupid people caused many early industrial accidents as they tried to fit into this rapidly changing society. Their ways and practices were not appreciated in the new European culture. Increasingly, many stupid people sought refuge across the ocean in America. That is those who didn’t wind up sinking their ships in the North Atlantic.

With seemingly unlimited resources America seemed to be the perfect place for stupid people driven from Europe. In this new land a stupid person who got lost in the woods for months at a time was hailed as a great explorer. Politicians, a sect of the stupid people did quite well in several colonial towns. Also, a good part of the west was "won" by stupid people. Among their more successful campaigns were the near extinction of the buffalo and the wholesale slaughter of the native peoples and cultures. As America became increasingly civilized, the stupid people began to assimilate into mainstream culture. This assimilation has evolved to the point that most citizens cannot distinguish between a normal individual and a stupid person under casual social conditions.

INTERACTING WITH STUPID PEOPLE
Part of the problem in identifying a stupid individual is that they look and act much like anyone else until they do or say something decidedly stupid. It is almost impossible to pick out a stupid person from a crowd. Ironically, most stupid people don’t think of themselves as stupid but rather as intelligent individuals. This makes it very difficult to reason with a stupid person. Stupid acts can take many forms and vary in degree, but when an act occurs it is unmistakable. The majority of the times a stupid act turns out to be nothing more than an inconvenience to the innocent bystander. These incidents are played out on city streets and in supermarkets daily. However, there are times when these acts can get out of hand and be devastating. It is always wise to be on alert and prepared.

At times you may find yourself in close proximity to a stupid individual in the midst of a stupid spell. It is good advice not to approach such a stupid person during an incident unless accompanied by a trained professional. If you find that you have no choice, then speak slowly and use small, soothing words. Never try to outwit a stupid person since they will only interpret that as a hostile and aggressive act. Always let the stupid person think they are superior. And under no circumstances let your face or hands near a stupid person’s mouth.

Keep in mind at all times, that although a stupid person may seem intelligent and civilized, they are not. It is a survival disguise developed over the centuries. It is also unwise to try to make a pet out of a stupid person. Although easy to house train, they almost always turn on their masters. They are intrinsically a wild people who have been force to adapt, at least on the surface, to the ways of modern civilization. But always keep in mind that below the surface you still have a stupid individual.