Friday, November 21, 2008

After being awakened at about two this morning with Georgia Man calling from Amsterdam because of a delayed flight, I spent what seemed like six months on the phone with hotels.com. Understand that this company employs ONE! person to do all of the customer service and she actually answered the phone one time "Expedia, how can I help you?" ONE DAMN PERSON. Georgia Man is an asshole, but it's his second anniversary and I did all I could to help a fellow SEC Homer out. Hope he appreciates the fact that that set me off my schedule about four hours, much to the chagrin of (Dead) Tommy 5 and Andy the Redneck. Not to mention TWO of my clients. You know, those folks that pay the millions of dollars that keep this site up and running. If you too want to contribute to the upkeep of this site, hit that Pay Pal button, that makes me happy.

I am certainly not on my game right now from lack of sleep, but let's see if we can stumble through this. It's a short weekend, and bad footbaw ends this weekend for the most part with only one more terrible game this year, thank the Baby Jesus. Who ya' got?

Da Vols (+3 o/u 37) at Fancy Swishy Pantsville. Take a screenshot of this one, yo. You may never see the Vandies favored 'oer the Bluetick Coonhounds. Let's just pause to appreciate that for a moment. Man, Fullup Philmer has got to be glad that he is getting the Hell outta Dodge. Knoxville seriously only wishes it was Dodge. Let's just go with the Big Orange on this one. Sure, they suck, but they better pull this one out. They got Kentucky next weekend. Strange that comes at the end of the season. I am almost positive if the Heelers had played these two earlier in the season, things would have been completely different. Philmer is the THIRD WINNINGEST ACTIVE COACH. Let's fire his ass.

Citadel (No Line, let's say +30 o/u 70) at No. 4 Gates Nation. Honestly, the Gators are the best team in the country right now. They got hot when hot was needed. The Citadel Bulldogs are a footbaw team that comes to the season's end to get pummeled. After this game, they shall be glad this year is over. Dang, they played Wofford and Samford, shee-it. Pick a number, any number, under one trillion, and that shall be the over. Gates in a landslide.

Hicksville Bootleggers at We Suck (+1.5 o/u 42.5). This game shall settle the mediocrity that is the West this year. The spread doesn't offer much help here, either. Alls I know is that if We Suck jumps on the Razorhawgs, it is over. Arkansas plays from the front well, but this year has not had the opportunity to perform that act too much. Let's throw out the homerism and STILL go with the Negro. Sly and the UNDER. if Sly wins this game, he continues to embarrass the "allegedly" winningest Croatch in We Suck history. Death to the White Guy!

The David Dukes (+3.5 o/u 54.5) at No. 18 Geaux Tigers. For some reason, Klansville always plays the Cajuns to scale. This is absolutely bizarre to me, but the last three years, that has not been the case. The Bayou Bengals are not stepping like they usually do, and Ole Miss is trying to finish second in the West. I like their chances. The Racists and the over. Sorry, Geaux Tigers, you just ain't that damn good.

Tangerines (+20.5 o/u 44) at No. 10 Suckeyes. Since this is the History Matchup of the weekend, I have to comment on it. These two teams are friggin' awful just like all the other Big 10 (11) teams, but we will have to listen to bullshit about this game ALL DAY LONG. Luckily this is the last game for both teams this year, unless you count "The Sonic Frito Burrito-Pennsylvania County Employee Retirement Fund Bowl" that tOSU has damn near locked up. Remember, Joe Pa will play in the Rose Bowl, hopefully against Oregon State. Yes, even if uSCCC wins out, they STILL are counting on Oregon State to LOSE in order to go to their normal bowlgame. My head tells me that tOSU wins, but my heart is placing the higher education money on the Marmelines and the under.

No. 21 Oregon State (+2.5 o/u 55.5) at Arizona. G_d loves me and can only let this go down one way. Oregon State wins this game outright, and crushes Arizona. Hit your knees tonight and pray for this outcome. We certainly want to see uSCCC in a bowl game, but let's hope that it is The Motor City Bowl.