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Why You’re REALLY Here, Part 4: Catching Fire Movie Edition

We’d love to pretend that everyone who ends up on this site is looking for comedy, opinions, and inspirations revolving around The Hunger Games… but we also know that isn’t always the case!

Every once in a while, we break down the searches that have lead people to our site. What we typically find is an unfiltered boatload of pure CRAZY. The times have changed with the release of Catching Fire, but the number of fans who probably need some sort of mental evaluation has not!

To repeat, people have actually searched these phrases and found their way to Victor’s Village within the last 7 days.

what would finnick name his daughter – He doesn’t have one. But if he did, he would call her Marjorie. DUH.

jack hutcherson – This world be the parents of the world trying to keep up with actors their kids like. Bless your heart for trying!

slag heap hunger games – Anyone who knows the books knows they person was probably looking for dirty fanfiction, but we’ve gotta give them credit for attempting to be subtle! Compared to search terms like “Katniss Peeta kinky sex”, this person is a lady/gentleman.

obama president snow – No matter what problems you may have with the current president (or any president throughout history, really), NO LEADER in the US is at President Snow’s level. Slow your roll.
johanna mason naked wrestling – The most nudity you see out of Jena Malone in Catching Fire is her exposed back, yet quite a few people (via various similar search terms) seem to think there’s a secret corner of the internet where she’s flaunting at all for the camera, sometimes while wrestling other naked people. But is it Jell-o wrestling? Otherwise, we’re not down.

hammer catfights – WHAT? What does this even consist of?! Two chicks fighting with hammers?!

Only a dress if you sell yourself on street corners! And maybe not even then.

do the victors in catching fire have talents? – They do! Several, actually. One of them is called “Reading”. You should try it!

peeta gay – Yup. Because if a man is compassionate, sensitive, and understanding, he must also want to be with other dudes. Way to subvert those gender stereotypes! Your parents must be proud!

how does katniss react to prims death.org – One of many in our “Give me the answers to my homework!” category. It’s the random .org at the end that kills us! DO YOUR HOMEWORK AND READ THE DAMN BOOKS, KID! THEY’RE FUCKING AWESOME.
scarf thingy that can be a dress from the movie – You think you can also wear that thing as a dress?! It has no bottom half. You go upstairs and change this instant, young lady!

No, but actually he IS the Mockingjay. Or Mockingcat?

what is the correlation between cats and the hunger games – Secretly, cats are the evil overlords controlling Snow and running The Hunger Games. They rigged the reaping ball to pick Prim’s name to get back at their one defector, Buttercup. Meow, bitches!

discounted cardboard cutout of jennifer lawrence bikini – General character cutouts are expected searches. Even general actor cutouts. But Jen in a bikini? This is a prop request for a sad, sad person who spends a lot of time alone in their room.
mockingjay attractive hijacked peeta – We’re sorry… you think Peeta is attractive after he gets hijacked? And you want more information on that? WE CAN’T EVEN.

There Is No Hope For You, Internet. We Love You Anyway.The Girl With The Pearl

Wait, the “do the victors in catching fire have talents?” one makes sense. I’m assuming they just wanted to know if the victors were required to have unique, publicized talents like in the book, a la Peeta’s paintings and Katniss’s “fashion design”. But unfortunately, no, that aspect was not included in the movie.

Yeah, there are a few that you can justify, but it’s more fun to tell people to to just READ THE BOOKS and learn things that way haha!

Plus, if someone was talking about the type of talents you’ve described, they couldn’t have just watched the movies because talents weren’t featured. So either its a reader looking for fanon lists of victor talents or someone talking about a different kind of talents!

“they couldn’t have just watched the movies because talents weren’t featured.”

Um, that’s basically what I was getting at. I’m assuming the question was from people who hadn’t seen the movie yet and wanted to know if the victors have mandatory “talents” like in the book. And as we now know, no, they don’t.