words of wisdom

One thing I love about the New Year is that it’s an opportunity for a fresh start – in SO many ways!

A New Year also means many ‘New Year’s Resolutions’. And people set all kinds of resolutions – to lose weight, find a career they love, to travel more, to finally find a great relationship…I could go on and on.

The thing is though, I kind of hate resolutions.

To me, resolutions are typically vague goals that aren’t backed up with any specific actions or plans. And, vague goals = vague results. (Here’s to (almost) committing to losing 10 pounds!…but then curling up on your couch with a bottle of wine and The Bachelor instead… #guilty.)

But when it comes to finding love, a common belief is that “it will happen when it’s meant to be”. Meaning, you basically have no control over your love life. And that couldn’t be more untrue!

You absolutely CAN take simple steps to not only draw more love into your life, but to also help draw true love and an amazing relationship to you FASTER.

Most women want love. To find love. To have a better relationship. To be so unconditionally loved and cherished that they couldn’t possibly feel anymore happy.

And that’s all a great wish – but what many women don’t realize is that you’ll never receive that kind of love from a man until you fall in love with YOURSELF first.

The harsh truth is: No quality, secure, relationship-ready man will ever fall for a woman who isn’t also secure, confident, and whom loves herself completely.

Because hey, if you aren’t in love with YOU, why would anyone else be??

Self-love, confidence, and knowing your own worth aren’t the easiest things to just magically gain, but it’s IMPARITIVE that loving yourself (weird quirks and all) become your #1 priority in 2017 if you aren’t currently happy with the status of your love life.

Lucky for you, I’m spilling some of my top self-love tips that have helped me become the incredible, confident, high-value woman I am today.

Psst – I do most of things daily. Yes! Daily!

SELF-LOVE TIPS:

Meditate. I got into meditation a few years ago and I LOVE it. It’s seriously changes my energy, lessens anxiety, and flips my entire mood around almost instantly. Guided Meditations are great for people that can’t just sit there in silence (like me, ha!). To get started: on You Tube, search “Guided Meditation for ______ (Insert what you want to gain or lessen – such as stress, healing, sleep, etc.) and voila! You can also check out my You Tube “Liked” Videos for some of my favorite meditations HERE.

Visualization. Before I get out of bed, I visualize exactly how I want my ideal day to go. (For example: “I’ll have an amazing workout and feel invigorated, have immense clarity while working on my project this afternoon, radiate positivity all day, and have a fabulous, loving time on my date tonight!) The key here is: you always need to focus on the good, positive things you want to happen in your day (not the negative!).

Affirmations. Your negative self-talk is 100% what’s killing your self-love and confidence, and saying loving, uplifting affirmations is the quickest way to fix that. I tell myself how amazing I am all day, every day! ;) Okay half kidding, but I do have daily reminders on my phone that make me feel incredible when they pop up. (Phrases such as, “I am beautiful”, “I am super successful”, “My ideal relationship is on its way to me”, etc. are all great places to start.)

Journal. Anywhere from once a week to multiple times a day, I break out my journal. Journaling is FANTASTIC for helping you work out some of your stressors or sticky situations, for relieving anxiety, coming up with a plan of action, brainstorming – you name it!

Do something that you’ve always wanted to do - just for you. This one may not be daily, but it will TOTALLY make you feel invigorated, independent, sexy, and more confident. (And hello! Those traits are all very attractive to high-quality men!) Journal about it, but you could do things like: hike to the top of a mountain, take a painting lesson, learn yoga, enroll in an interesting class, book a sporadic weekend trip, etc.).

It’s not easy (or possible) to be in a constant state of peace, happiness and positivity, but implementing the above tips into your day (even if it’s just for a few minutes!) makes a MASSIVE difference in how you’ll feel, how you’ll come across, and the type of people and things you’ll attract.

And ultimately, if you want to find love or a better relationship this year, coming from a place of love, gratitude and positivity first (i.e., before you find what you really want!) is essential.

No one likes spending time with a Debbie Downer or Negative Nancy who’s always complaining about men, or their terrible job, or how sucky their lives are, right?!

Well, guess what? Men don’t like hanging out with those women either. And high-quality men definitely won’t be wasting time with those types of women – let alone fall in love with a complainer or someone who’s waiting for a man to solve all of their problems.

Those top, quality, total-package guys (that everyone wants) are already in a great place in their lives, and are looking for women that are secure, see their own value, and that are also in a great place in their own lives. (Ahem, women who LOVE themselves…)

So, do you want to have a real shot at changing your love life this year? Start with Self-Love. Implement my tips above. Those self-love practices have not only drastically changed my life, they’re still life changing every single day.

Try it. I promise, you won’t regret it. :)

Lots of (self) love,

P.S. Want to learn more about how to attract the right men into your life quickly? Book a free discovery call HERE to learn what you specifically can do to start attracting your dream guy.

Ah, the world of online dating. It's true that dating total strangers can be disastrous and depressing, but believe it or not, some incredible relationships and marriages have come from online dating sites.

Even though there are high-quality men ready to meet amazing women (like you!) on those sites, many women make big mistakes that leave them missing out on potential relationships.

And I would know. Because - I was one of those women.

I actually FILTERED OUT MY HUSBAND.

Little did I know that my (now) sexy, smart, and secure husband crafted a beautiful email to me on OkCupid - only to hit send (hey, it's scary to be vulnerable and reach out to people we're attracted to - even for men!) and receive a flashing red error message that read:

"You are outside of this user's filter requirements.Message blocked from user."

WHAT?!

I know, I know. It's a bit mortifying now (and kind of funny), but I just couldn't believe it when he told me this story! Luckily, we met in person a few months later when I accidentally stole his seat at a bar (phew!) - but could you imagine?

What if I NEVER met my husband because of my limiting beliefs about what I thought I wanted at the time?

We've all heard stories of people finding their match and exclaiming, "He was totally unexpected!", or "He was different than my usual type", or "Thank goodness I gave him a shot because at first I wasn't even interested, and now we're getting married!" (Okay, okay, getting carried away here, but you know what I mean.)

How many great men have YOU missed out on because you decided to only date one type of guy? Or have you too filtered out someone amazing because of height or age or zodiac sign? (Maybe that last one's just me...)

I'm not saying that you should settle for any random guy or stay in a bad relationship, butmany women make the classic mistake of getting wrapped up in a "perfect list" and missing out on a great man in the process.I know I almost did.

I frequently advise women to have a list of desired qualities in a man, but to be open to the unexpected.

You never know how your prince charming will show up in your life - so you need to make sure you're not unintentionally blocking him from sweeping you off your feet. Or bar stool... ;)

If so, that's amazing! You've probably discovered a thing or two that's been holding you back from attracting high-quality men, and are (hopefully!) implementing the secrets to becoming an irresistible man-magnet as we speak. Yeah, girl! :)

If you haven't started it yet (or just want an irresistible woman confidence boost!), you can jump in immediately by clicking the link below!

When I was single, I stumbled across a quote that forever changed my outlook on myself and relationships. To this day, I still LOVE this saying and live by it wholeheartedly.

The genius Dr. Seuss writes,

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

I’ll add on my own follow up quote, too:

If you like me for who I am – GREAT! If you don’t like me for who I am – EVEN BETTER! That means less time I’ll waste on someone who doesn’t like the real me, and more time I get to spend with people that love and accept me exactly as I am.

A little bold and sassy right?! Feel free to steal it. ;)

When it comes to dating new guys and meeting new people, many women feel the need to put on a ‘front’ or act like a different, “better” version of themselves in order for people to like them.

Of course it’s scary to show people the real you, but what happens if you don’t?

If you convince a hot veterinarian that you love all things furry (to bond over something common and increase conversation), but you’re actually allergic to anything with four legs…that’ll probably end terribly. Either he’ll find out that you lied (unattractive), or he’ll assume that you’re not secure enough to show him who you really are (which is a deal-breaker for high-quality men).

Sure, maybe Mr. Vet doesn’t want anything to do with you after he learns about your aversion to animals, but if he doesn’t want you as you are, then WHY would you want to be with HIM anyways?

And if you didn’t come clean with him for weeks (or even months), look how long you just wasted on a man that wasn’t your Mr. Right in the first place!

Being who you are and saying what you feel doesn’t necessarily mean that everyone will like you and all the boys will flock to you. Actually, there will definitely be people who don’t like you, don’t resonate with you, or aren’t attracted to you. But that’s okay!

If you’re truly being yourself, and you find the people that do like you for exactly who you are, that’s when relationship magic happens.

It’s incredibly freeing to be yourself, not worry about ‘saying or doing the wrong thing’, and be able to express whatever you feel in relationships.

And it is possible to do this. You just have to pull up your big girl pants, stop worrying so much about what other people will think, and rock your authentic self.

Give it a try. I promise, ladies – you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Want even more proof that being yourself (even if you love Harry Potter and The Bachelorette) is insanely attractive to men? Check out this week’s video HERE!

Not only do you get to meet Matt (my prince charming), you’ll also hear his tips for landing a high quality guy and attracting great men.

This week, I’m excited to share a practical, super easy way to know if you’re in the right (or wrong) relationship with a guy. Or, if you're not in a relationship yet, I spill a fast, spot-on way to know if he's even worth pursuing!

I hear a lot of women complain that their “relationships with men are so hard” or that “dating this one guy is a ton work” or “I’m putting so much time and effort into this man.”

The thing is – if you feel like your relationship is hard, or if it seems like a lot of work (especially if it’s still in the beginning stages), you’re probably in the wrong relationship.

When a woman feels like this, it usually means that she’s putting more into the relationship than she’s getting in return, or, that she’s lowering her standards and expectations for this man. (See last weeks video on why your standards are so important.) And, neither of those things will lead into you landing a great man or having an extraordinary relationship.

This seems like a no brainer, but here’s the secret:

Relationships are easy.

Or I should say: GOOD, happy, healthy relationships are easy.

Relationships (especially at the beginning) should be fun! They should be exciting, mainly effortless, and both parties should be equally eager to spend time with each other.

Of course relationships do take some effort, but if things aren’t easy at the beginning, what do you think will happen down the road when life’s natural hardships arise?

Think about your relationship with your best friend. You probably call and text each other the same amount, want to make plans together often and communicating is as easy as breathing.

If you had a friend that didn’t call you back, didn’t make plans with you or just strung you along; you’d probably stop bothering with them and put your effort into other friendships, right?!

But when men do that very same thing to women, women tend to make excuses for the man’s behavior rather than accept the fact that she may be getting rejected, strung along, or that (gasp!) he’s just not that into her.

“Oh, he’s just busy with work right now. Once he finishes this project, he’ll call me more.” Or, “his family’s in town so I’ll just wait for him to make time for me afterwards.” Sound familiar?

And then we sit around and wait and worry and waste all of this time on a man who may or may not even ask us out when all is said and done.

How pathetic! (Don't worry, I've done it too...)

A REAL man (that’s interested in you) WILL make time to see you. He WILL call you back and make plans to impress you.Trust me on this.

If a man isn’t putting in the same amount of effort as you, if you feel like the relationship is “work” or think that he will eventually change and act the way you want him to…(I'll help you out here...)Kick. Him. To. The. Curb.

There ARE men out there that will treat you the way you want to be treated and deserve to be treated from the very beginning of your relationship.

But if you waste your time and energy on men that aren’t giving you what you want, or make excuses when guys you’re really into are “too busy” to text/call/see you – you could very well let your Mr. Right pass you by.

So do yourself a favor. If you know deep down that a man isn’t putting in the same amount of effort as you are, or that you’re still not being treated like you truly want to be – don’t wait around for things to change. (They won’t.)

Move onto the next one!

Sure, if he asks to see you again sometime in the future (and you’re cool with meeting up with him) then go for it. But don’t dedicate all of your time and thoughts to a man who isn’t dedicating all of this time and thoughts to you.

You’re happily ever after is out there, gorgeous. You just need to tell yourself you’re worthy of it.

THE SECRET TO BEING IRRESISTIBLE

If you're like most of my clients (and like most women), you probably want to find a good man that cherishes you, fights for you, and commits to you wholeheartedly.

You'd love to be with someone that plans special dates for you, surprises you (in a good way...), and constantly tries to impress you and win you over.

And having a loving, loyal, communicative relationship where you're both head over heels for each other would just be the icing on the cake.

I mean, that sounds amazing right?!

All of that IS possible to have (trust me, I have it!), but what most women don't realize is that it's actually THE WOMAN'S job to make sure that she gets everything she wants out of a relationship.

I'll say that again:

It's YOUR job to make sure that you get everything you want out a relationship (not his!).

YOU need to set the standards of what you expect, what you want, what you will and won't tolerate and exactly how you'd like to be treated from the beginning of a relationship. And, you need to keep setting your expectations throughout.

Ladies, men want to make you happy. They want to please you. The top quality guys will put in the effort to woo you, impress you, and win you over, but you need to tell them what that looks like first!

As much as we'd like to think so, men aren't mind readers. They can't give us what we want, hope for, or know how we expect them to treat us until we tell them.

Getting and keeping the relationship of your dreams starts with setting high(er) standards. And in my latest video, I tell you exactly how to start doing that.

Go land that top quality man, beautiful.

You've got this!

xx Jamie

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As some of you know, my husband and I just celebrated our one year anniversary this past week! Woo!! As we were reflecting back on the year and the things we've experienced and accomplished, we noticed an interesting reoccurring theme.

For every "Happy Anniversary!" we received from a dozen family members and friends, we also got a reassuring, "Don't worry, the first year is the hardest!"

We smiled and nodded appreciatively, but eventually Matt and I turned to each other and simultaneously asked, "Was this first year of marriage hard? At all?!"

The short answer is: No way! Our relationship is amaaazing, we have tons of fun and laughter daily, and can communicate and resolve any issue way faster than just about every couple I know. (Oh, and did I mention we also traveled to 10 countries, 29 cities, and have had some ridiculously incredible experiences to boot?!)

Don't get me wrong, it hasn't all been an extended honeymoon (well...maybe it has) because we've also worked HARD over the past year. Matt started a new job, I started my journey as an entrepreneur and launched my own business, we moved (twice), have had plenty of "discussions" and had to make adjustments just like all married couples do.

But "the hardest year"? Doubtful.

Perhaps it is for most newlyweds, but if our first year was "the hardest", then the rest of our relationship years are going to be easy breezy and jammed packed with super awesome experiences.

Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if things actually end up like that!

My husband and I intentionally and deliberately design and create a life we love - and then we follow through and live it! But that loaded topic can be tackled later.

I’m not trying to be naive, imply my life is easier than others, or say that I'm just "lucky" to have an amazing life and relationship.

I did certain things and took specific actions to make sure my life and love story ended up this way.

It wasn't left up to chance. And upon reflecting with Matt about what actually made our marriage so successful over the last year, I came up with my top 3 relationship MUSTS.

1. Know who you are, and be happy and fulfilled on your own.

No man wants to feel like a woman "needs" him in order for her to be happy, and no woman wants to feel like a man is suffocating her.

I could write an entire book on this subject, but knowing and embracing who you truly are, having a life and hobbies you enjoy, and being happy and fulfilled ON YOUR OWN are imperative to a successful long term relationship.

When you're in a relationship, it's normal to want to spend all of your time with your significant other and (especially at the beginning) it's totally possible to become borderline obsessed with that person.

However, you must keep your own friends, hobbies and special things that make you happy close to your heart.

Many people start to lose friends and prior interests when in a relationship, but I guarantee you it will eventually backfire if you're not maintaining and fueling your own personal, individual happiness.

I love baths, audio books, cooking, and wine, and I make it a priority to do all of those things every week (if not everyday), just like I prioritize my business and spending quality time with my husband, family and friends.

This is what makes you well-rounded, whole, fulfilled. (Not dedicating all of your free time to your significant other.)

Plus, once you're out of the "honeymoon" phase of a new relationship, having someone expect to spend every moment with you or drop their own interests in favor of yours is super annoying.

Don't be that person. Have your own life, and make sure that you're living it.

2. Communication

This one's a no brainier, but it's way easier said than done. I see couples avoiding talking about hard topics, waiting until things build up to finally express (yell) their feelings, or just straight up communicating with the opposite sex the WRONG way.

Of course, discussing tough topics like finances, stressful jobs, and frustrating disappointments isn't the most fun thing to talk about, but it's essential to always make sure you're on the same page with your partner about nearly everything.

How you feel, what you want, your goals and why they're important to you are all things that should be discussed regularly.

How and when you communicate? Even more important. Financial planning is a good example of "communicating the right way and at the right time" in my own relationship.

I love lists, charts and budgets and could chat about them happily at any time of the day.

Matt? Not so much.

So even though I may be super excited to talk about my new savings plan for our next trip, springing it on Matt when he walks through the door is a terrible idea. (Lesson learned from experience(s) here.)

As talking about finances and budgeting for the future is a stressful and negatively associated topic for Matt, I've learned that asking IF "we would be able to schedule a time to go over some financial details" produces faaaaar better results.

He's prepared for the conversation, doesn't feel like he has to get defensive, and I get my thoughts, plans and budgets across smoothly and with agreeance. At the end of the conversation, we accomplished talking about an important (and potentially stressful) topic, and both feel good about our communication and the end result.

3. Patience

This point ties the prior two together. When you're living a life of love and happiness (both on your own and with a partner), there needs to be flexibility and understanding in the relationship.

When you join your life with someone, you clearly won't be able to continue to do everything you want to do at the exact time you want to do it every single day. But that's okay!

Be patient when the dinner you made is cooling on the table, because his boss kept him late at work.

Be patient when you really want to watch SportsCenter but your girl needs to vent about her day.

Be patient when he asks to reschedule your movie date because his family flew into town.

Him being late for dinner or canceling a date will most likely be the catalyst for what you're really feeling or for what's truly bothering you.

Are you really upset that the dinner had to be reheated? Or are you actually feeling unappreciated?

You're probably not concerned about watching your show on the DVR in 30 minutes. So why is taking some time to listen to your significant other rubbing you the wrong way? Do you feel like your time isn't being respected?

Maybe it has nothing to do with your partner, and everything to do with you. Are you kicking yourself for missing the gym again today? Or regretting saying that stupid phrase to your boss this afternoon?

My point is that impatience usually doesn't stem from being a genuinely impatient person.

Of course it's important to put your partners needs before your own sometimes, but it's just as important to be honest about what you’re thinking and feeling.

So if you're feeling impatient about something, take a breath, take a step back and reflect on what it is that's really bothering you here.

My guess is that it may be something else unrelated to the situation entirely. Just make sure you see point #2, and know when and how to communicate about it. ;)

There are many, many more tips and insights I can provide about men and relationships, but clearly my newsletters already borderline on becoming e-books.

If you want to know more, or are interested in how I can help your love life or relationship specifically, reply back to me!

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We’ve all been hurt before or have a great reason as to why we don’t trust men, but letting your previous relationship experiences affect your current interactions with men (and the men you’ll soon meet) is probably the #1 thing that keeps women single.

Tell me if these scenarios resonate:

You dated a guy that sweet talked you when you first met; you fell for him, and then he pulled out the rug and ended up being an ass.

So now, anytime a guy comes up and says something nice to you (genuine or not), you’re skeptical, and maybe you respond with narrowed eyes or a frown, or a short, curt answer. (Maybe you don’t even know you’re doing it.)

Perhaps you met a guy online and he turned out to be a jerk, so now anytime you get a new message on your dating app, you assume “this one has to be a jerk, too”.

Naturally, your guard is up, and to you, your reply of, “hi.” seemed very appropriate! He needs to prove himself before you invest any emotion or time into him, right?!

I get it, you're protecting yourself.

You don’t want to be hurt again.

You will NOT go through what you did last time.

But just imagine - if this is a genuinely good guy (maybe he could even be The One…), his first impression of you is that you’re negative, or cold, or rude, or worst of all - uninterested in him! And since he feels rejected (yes, he 100% feels rejected in these scenarios), he won't try to impress you anymore, let alone actually try and ask you out!

Why? Because believe it or not, men have just as many insecurities and fears about being rejected as you do. And, it takes guts to initiate a conversation with a stranger – let alone a stranger that you’re attracted to!

Maybe the man that approached you with the too perfect grin or sent that “hey, hottie ;)” message was actually the most kind, giving person you’d ever meet. Maybe he’d become your best friend, or even end up as your soul mate! But, since you assumed that he was a player/disingenuous/just like all the other crap men you meet – you reacted to him skeptically, coldly or curtly, leaving him feeling rejected and probably closing the door on that potential relationship for good.

It sounds harsh, but it’s the unfortunate truth. Look at it this way:

Pretend the situation was reversed – How would you feel if you saw a man you were attracted to, got up the nerve to talk to him, and after introducing yourself with a big smile, he responded…

“Yes?” And gave you a look like, “what do you want?” (OUCH.)

He’s probably been through some painful relationship experiences (just like you), but would you know that he’s actually a nice guy who’s open to a relationship? Would you assume that he’s just been hurt before, so it’s alright for his guard to be up when he initially meets women? (Just like you’re doing with men…) Would you still try to talk to him?

OF COURSE NOT! You’d feel hurt and rejected and hold back the tears as you tore towards the bathroom! Well, maybe that’s just me, but regardless, it still wouldn’t feel good. And it’s safe to say, you wouldn’t continually try to ask him out. (If you’re one of the select few that would keep pursuing – more power to you!)

So if a man (or anyone for that matter) approached you, and you responded coldly, guarded, or with a short reply, why would you assume that his opinion of you is anything other than exactly what you’re expressing? In all honestly, he’s probably thinking, “Wow, she’s bitter…this one isn’t worth it” or, “Bummer. Looks like she’s another one of those pretty girls that’s also a b*tch. Not dealing with that!”

If you have hopes of finding Mr. Right, you need to put yourself out there, too! And putting yourself out there does NOT mean going to a bar with friends - but rolling your eyes at every man that looks your direction, or saying you’re “online dating” - but then demanding every guy work super hard to win you over before you even give him a chance at a date.

This is not one of those cliché romantic comedies where the super confident, seemingly-untouchable, drop dead gorgeous business woman shuts a man down over and over again, yet the man still constantly pursues her until she eventually lets him in, and then they fall in love and live happily ever after. That is the exception, not the rule.

Think about it. If a top-quality man tries to talk to you or ask you out, and you act disinterested or play hard to get, the likelihood that he’s going to continue to be ‘rejected’ by you is very low. He’s a top-quality man! He’ll just go pursue someone else!

And what about the men that actually do continue to pursue you after you shut them down? Well, my guess is you probably aren’t interested in them or don’t see them as someone you would want to spend the rest of your life with anyways.

I’m not saying you should be naïve or to date every man on the planet, but being polite, smiling and open to having a short conversation with someone is the first step to a relationship even having the potential to happen.

You have every right to protect yourself and your feelings, but the absolute worst thing you can do when meeting someone new is to look down your nose at them or assume they’re ‘an ass just like every other guy’ (ah hem, you mean your ex or some other guys you dated…every guy is not an ass, FYI).

The guardedness, negativity and skepticism need to stop if you want a chance at finding and having that great relationship.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but you want a relationship with someone where you can: let your guard down, be yourself, be happy, and that you’re sure of. Right?! So what do you think will happen if you start a potential relationship projecting the complete opposite of that?

Yeah. Nothing good. First impressions are important for a reason…

Of course there are men out there that don’t deserve you and that you shouldn’t date, but by starting off a new relationship (i.e., meeting a new person) projecting coldness or mistrust, you’re killing any chance at getting the loving, trusting relationship that you truly want with a great guy that treats you the way you deserve.

Don’t punish the new men you meet for your ex’s mistakes.

So just smile.

Be happy and open to meeting new people and having new conversations.

Even if you’re not attracted to a guy that says hello to you, respond kindly in turn.

You never know what possibilities could come from meeting someone new - maybe he’ll be your ticket to your dream job, or invite you to fabulous party, or introduce you to his friend who could be The One!

(Side note – optimism is a key trait you should possess right now if you’re looking for your dream guy. Just saying!)

Ultimately, when you finally let go of the (false) notion that ‘all men are assholes’, you’ll be freer. You’ll feel lighter because you’ve stopped caring so much about every guy’s hidden intentions. You’ll have more fun, feel unburdened, make more meaningful connections and enjoy living in the present moment…which is what’s going to attract those great men to you in the first place.

Lots of love,
Jamie

P.S. – Want to learn more about how to attract top-quality men? Click here!

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I just returned from a week in Paris and WOW, what an incredible time I had. I met up with 24 of my fellow badass female entrepreneurs, had a picture perfect photoshoot with The Eiffel Tower as my backdrop, and explored The City of Love & Light with my fabulous husband. The romance of Paris is a real thing, and my time there was filled with love, laughter, and lots (and lots) of wine and cheese.

After being surrounded with some amazing female powerhouses all week, I had a startling realization. Like most modern day society women, we pride ourselves on being strong, powerful, independent and capable of successfully navigating our way through life. And that’s great!

Except when it comes to romance.

As successful women, not only did we have to work our tails off to get that great job, promotion, or car, we also (still) have to overcome stereotypical notions about what women can really achieve. (I wish it wasn’t true, but sexism still exists.)

Naturally, a lot of strong women develop thicker skin, a masculine attitude, and an independent personality.

While this strong, masculine mentality serves us well in the workplace (and for getting what we want!), it can ruin a potential relationship.

I’ll share a story to illustrate my point:

I was standing in line at a tiny, hole in the wall crêpe cafe on a cobbled Parisian street. The couple in front of me were laughing, nervously touching each other, and clearly newly dating.

After they ordered, this was the dialogue exchanged:

Man: “My treat!” Huge grin on his face, and reaches for wallet.
Woman: “Oh no, I can pay for mine, it’s fine!” Unzips her clutch.
Man: Starting to frown, “Please, let me treat you to this.”
Woman: Still giddy, not noticing his change in demeanor, “Really, I can pay for my own crêpe! It’s no problem!” Hands cashier money. Returns to the same affectionate playfulness they had before ordering, and is completely unaware of his stiff posture and tight lips.

I’m taking a gander, but I’ll guess their evening didn’t end well. I’ll even go as far as to say that the relationship probably won’t work out.

So what happened here? And why is it so important?

The woman (who was nicely dressed, confident, and clearly capable of taking care of herself), wanted to pay her own way to demonstrate her independence, successfulness, and non-gold digger tendencies.

She was proud to show him that she’s doesn’t need a man to take care of her or make her happy, and that she would be an equal contributor to this relationship. (Sounds like a good thing, right?)

The man (who is still in the stage of trying to impress her and determine if he wants to continue to pursue this relationship) offers to pay to demonstrate that he wants to take care of her, and to show her that he would be a capable partner in their relationship.

Maybe you can start to see the problem here, but if not, let me spell it out.

Men want to feel like they're needed and wanted in a relationship. They want to take care of a woman, they want to protect her; they want to be her knight in shining armor! (Well, most men anyways.)

Why? Because it makes him feel like a MAN.

And why is that important do you ask? Men want to feel like they can be who they are (manly, strong protectors), they want to take care of you, and to feel like you need them. They want to be the masculine one in your relationship. (They don’t want you to be.)

When he offers to kill a spider, pump your gas, or pay for your bill, he’s doing tasks that make him feel manly and masculine (even though that may seem silly), but in turn, it makes him feel more connected to you.

No woman should try to prove to a man that she’s capable of paying for her own meal, opening her own doors or pumping her own gas. Trust me, he knows. When a man wants to do something nice for you, let him! The worst thing you can do is prevent a man from doing the aforementioned, or act offended if he does.

Of course he knows you can do for yourself (how else would you have survived on earth or at least gotten to the date?), but that’s not the point. A man already knows that you don’t rely on him to open doors and pay for meals…he just wants to be the man in the relationship, and doing ‘manly’ things for you makes him feel that way. By denying him the opportunity to pay for your crêpe or put on your jacket, you’re denying him the simple actions that, in his mind, represent manliness.

If you think you’re saving him the trouble or displaying your independence - what you’re really doing is advertising, “I don’t need you.”

Of course you don’t need him, that’s what he’s afraid of! And, not being needed is his biggest fear!

When a woman communicates to a man that he’s not needed by her (even if it’s unintentionally), his ego inevitably becomes bruised and his interest will start to wane.

Strong women are amazing (I am one!), and we deserve every happiness in the world, but what strong women don’t realize is that sometimes we totally kill a man’s ego. Strong women should take heed to remember that when a man wants to be a man and take care of a woman, LET HIM.

There’s a time a place to show your strong side, and of course you don’t want to expect him to pay for everything or walk all over him, but it’s so important to let a man feel manly, and like he’s “won” something.

*Hint - Letting him buy you a dessert is him “winning something” – he’s winning by you allowing him to take care of you! And therefore feeling like a man, feeling like a winner, on top of the world…and what does that mean for you? He’s ready to be affectionate, ready to be open, and hopefully ready to start taking your relationship to an even better place.

Who knew buying a crêpe could be so detrimental?!

So to all my fellow strong women: Go be independent. Pay for your own meals. Pump your gas and kill those spiders (or just cover them up with bowls until someone else takes care of it). Do all of those awesome, empowering things ON YOUR OWN.

When you’re with him, still be your confident, amazing, feminine self; just let him do the “manly” things he wants to do. Your relationship will thank me for it.

Lots of love,
Jamie

P.S. If you’re interested in working with me one-on-one to get the life and love story of your dreams, check out my signature packages HERE.

P.P.S. - I only have one spot left in my signature Irresistible in 90 days program before the price increases.