Thursday, November 17, 2011

So, if you read this post previously, I moved that over to my health and wellness blog here. To be honest it is just so I have an update there too.

I received a phone call the other day from a woman looking for computer help. A good friend of mine recommended her to me. It was a good feeling receiving that phone call. I haven't done computer work in a long while. I had a little bit after my birthday, but with moving and other aspects of my life taking priority, I just gave the computers back without looking at them. I should give him a buzz and see if they still need looked at.

I am excited to announce that I will be starting school sometime soon. Hopefully this year (2012) or next year, depending on if I can get my forms submitted correctly. The company TDS that acquired OneNeck (my work) gives a substantial amount of tuition reimbursement to employees who go to school. I was already looking, but it gave me the right motivation to hurry it up and submit the forms necessary.

To assist in my education, I started watching the CBTNuggets I have talked about in previous posts. They are corny and kinda boring, but they are very educational if you pay attention. I am glad I suffered through one and a half videos, because that means I know I can do it again on Sunday.

My long work day(s) that I had to do is done and done. It was interesting, though I was dead tired by the end of it. I got to meet a couple people who I have talked to multiple times in the past, but never met face to face. That was interesting. I always have this small fear that they won't like me upon first meet... After all, I am the dick who's always waking their ass up with problems in the night! But, so far, all have been friendly, and I am reminded that they know it is their job to get woken up, that is what being an on-call is. The one very interesting meet was a guy named Rob Rorke, who works through VPN off the east coast. He's worked for the company for 5 years and has only been at the Home office three times! Orientation, training, and this second orientation. Crazy! On a side note, I've woken his ass up too...

Tonight, after my CBTNugget, I watched The Warriors Way... Though it appeared to be a B movie, I thoroughly enjoyed the heck out of that movie. Even to the point I actually wrote a review with 5 stars. I thought it was excellent and recommend it to anyone. Be Warned, one of my favorite movies is The Watchmen. And I recommend that too.

~Just a thoughtThere is no substitute for winning, I posses the discipline and the will to make winning a reality." - Dish Network poster board.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

I sit here at 1AM on a Saturday night, wanting to go to sleep, but can't, because I work Sunday night and I need to get back into 3rd shift mode. I am curious as to what this lack of sleep schedule does to my body....

Anyway, instead of writing, reviewing, and editing my words over a day or two, I think this one is going to be just a quick fun-doodle. So if there are any typo's or something that doesn't make MUCH sense, I don't care nor do I apologize. MOVING ON.

>I'm sober, just tired.

These two weeks have been fun ones. I got to go hang out with some old friends at DISH, drank beer and played some pool. They brought along other friends that we all hung out with. I guess Artie mentioned I know a lot of hot girls (which I do) and said I'd bring them (which he didn't, nor would I). Side note - he's met Becka, who is good looking and interesting to boot, and I texted him once saying that I was with a few girls who were looking for a party, so I guess he assumed I'd bring chicks??
Anyway, his friends give me a hard time about NOT asking my chick-friends to come hang out and it irked me pretty good. I am protective of my chick friends, sometimes overly so. To me, it seemed that they wanted me to play match maker and hook them up with a chick. The fact that they even gave me a hard time told me not to invite any. Fuck them.
I decided to mess with them a bit and showed them my texting list on my phone, which went, Brenda, Didi, Ashley, Kelli, Becka, Tiffany, Nicole, Vicky, and Hope. They asked me to invite them out, which I didn't and told them that my guy friends (referring to them) are pigs and I wouldn't want them around them. I said it in a joking fashion, but I meant it.
Bryan went out for a smoke, I went with him to get some fresh/smokey air and he asked if I saw him that way. I told him I didn't really, but the rest of them can shove it. He laughed and we went back inside. The rest of the night was alright, played pool, got my ass kicked. Bar hopped over to another and watched my new friends try to pick up this chick. It was rather amusing. She got onto her soapbox and talked about politics and the whole 99% bull that I don't really pay attention to. It was funny watching them pretend to pay attention and failing to be as smart as she was. I was hit on by this semi-decent looking girl. I thought about pursuing just for fun that night, but turned away, I just wasn't interested.

Nothing has really broken at work recently, which is good I guess, but keeps the days rather slow. Since I had so much time I wrote a 5 page document on security procedures during 3rd shift since we don't have any documented at this time. It was submitted to our Director for approval.

I cooked Chicken Alfredo this past week, twas delicious. I ended up inviting Didi and Ashley over to join me. They enjoyed it. They said that they will have to cook their enchilada's for me as a thank you. We hung out for a little longer after, but they went home and I readied for work.

Speaking of Ashley, her and I got to hang out one-on-one for the first time in... Well, probably forever. We've been friends since high school, but I dated Didi (her older sister for those who don't know them) so whenever Ashley and I would hang out, Didi was there too. Anyway, she needed a ride to a car dealership for a car, and so I gave her a ride and we looked at a few. She fell in love with the Colbolt they had there but at the end she declined. I gave her a ride to work the next day since she was sans car, and also picked her up. We went to Oregano's for dinner and it was YUMs. Also gave her a ride to Glendale the following day to look at a couple more, she declined their too.

During our dinner, I got a text from my friend Alicia inviting me out for drinks. I said I could go out, but couldn't drink due to working. We texted back and forth and settled on Thursday, I promised her that I'd order a beer, but nothing more, because I had to work that night as well. When Thursday came around, she texted me saying it was moved to Friday. Friday comes around and our friends who were supposed to come out declined, but her, her boyfriend Elvis, and their friend Russel joined us at a bar I can't remember the name of. I had two beers, and then they wanted to call it a night. So I drove home.

On the way home, Didi texted me asking if she could come over cause she had just had a fight with her roommate and needed space, I said sure, but I wasn't there yet. She ended up beating me there, and when I got there I opened up another beer, looking to get a little tipsy.. I play DD a lot with friends, which I don't mind at ALL, but I had an expectation to be drinking a little more than I ought to, and I was damn well gonna do it.

So I pour myself a rum and coke and open a beer (never do that btw, awful combination). I offered Didi a drink, she declined, but ended up doing shots with me. We got drunk and relaxed our night away. To be honest I don't remember parts of the night, so I think we over did it JUST a bit.. But the next morning I woke up groggy and I look over to Didi passed out too.

Tonight Ashley and Didi fulfilled their promise and brought over enchilada's along with their PS3 and rented two movies. We only ended up watching one, Limitless, and then they wanted to call it a night. I thought about going out, but ended up chilling at my house with my pups.

Those were the highlights of my weeks that I can recall... Lots of fun with friends. If I missed a moment, please let me know.
I'll end it with some of these: My sponsors! Not really, but people you should know.Andre Magnum - Ken Magnum's son who is living in China and studying Kung Fu with the Shaolin Monks.Damien Walter - That'd be pretty badass to do what he does.Isaac Kauwe - The life and times of this good sir.
They are all Captains in my book.
and then this trailer.

~Just a thoughtThe reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man."

Monday, October 31, 2011

This week has been a rather good one. It has had its ups and downs, as all do, but too many positives still out in my mind to call it a dull week. You know how people can make your day by just saying something that is so significant to you, but they don’t know it? That happened, multiple times. Before I reveal what was said to me, I want to give the “why” it was so significant to me.

I have never been a bad person in my humble opinion. But I haven’t always been a good one. During my relationship with Ace, I changed. I don’t blame her at all for the change, but my perspective on life and relationships shifted dramatically. I didn’t care about relationships after we broke up; I just wanted to get laid. I just didn’t want to stress, Ace’s and my relationship was filled with so much stress that I refused to have any more of it. I never lied, but I wasn’t honest. I hit on any cute girl there was, taken or no. I wasn’t secretive about it either. Friends and other girls alike knew that I was in an eff-buddy relationship with one or two married women. I didn’t see the harm of it, or I did and just didn’t care. I wasn’t the one cheating after all right? I wasn’t doing anything wrong. Least that’s how I saw it. They were an adult capable of making their own decisions. And it was an ego boost; having a married woman choose me over being faithful is definitely flattering. Even more flattering, is that since I was open about it, a few other women were curious about an affair too, because I could keep it secret and simple and was open to the idea (and hell, I was attractive.) I hit on my female friends, the ones I was interested in in the past but was too nervous to do anything about prior. And, again, it didn’t matter if they were taken or not. After all, I was the better one. I could do better. I hated that “friend zone” that I had gotten stuck in so many times.
((EDIT: This is to stress that if I considered the guy my friend, I did NOT hit on their significant other. I would never mess with my friends’ girlfriends. This was always the girl I knew, the guy I did not.))

Then something happened. I couldn’t tell you what exactly, but I realized my wrong-doing and chose to change. That’s a lie, I know what happened, and I will tell you exactly when I was forever changed to who I am now. It started with Kelli.

Now, Kelli is special to me, always will be. I never believed in “Love at first Sight” till I saw her. I met her on a plane flying from Arizona to Minnesota, my first flight ever commercially. By the end of the flight, I had her number. Fast forward some, she and I go on a date in Arizona, it was an amazing date, we constantly text, and we like each other. She was moving to Tucson, and we were going to miss one another, but, in her words, “I would be crazy not to at least give it a shot.” And we did. It lasted a few weeks, but the distance was too much and her stress and attention on school was needed. Before she moved, however, I experienced something extraordinary.

We had gotten back from dinner and walked upstairs and laid in bed, played with my dogs, kissed, normal new boyfriend/girlfriend stuff. We talked a lot about the challenges (at that time she hadn’t yet moved) and I comforted her in all her concerns. I looked deep into her eyes, and I saw everything. And I mean everything about her. I could answer any question she had before asking, I could comfort any fear before she expressed it. I saw all her worries, excitements, questions, knowledge, and secrets. I swear to you and all that is holy I saw into her soul that night. I just know it. And let me tell you people, it was pure and beautiful. It was so surreal. I could see how much she liked me, how much she adored the way I treated her. I could see her scars from relationships in the past, and I could see the worry about us behind the excitement.

After that night, after that moment, I was changed. Back to my old self. Back to a better, decent human being. Back to understanding caring about my actions since there are consequences beyond them, even if it isn’t my own consequence. All with one look. What’s strange is that a couple years before that, I wrote a quote I came up with on my step-brother Matt’s wedding photo frame: “The world is full of imperfect thoughts, imperfect relationships, and imperfect people. It is the moment when you are staring into the eyes of the one you care about that those imperfections are why you love them so.” There are no truer words that speak to me more significantly than that quote.

I’m back to who I am and happy to be so. I still don’t have any stress, thankfully, because I take comfort in choosing the right decision, even if it isn’t the popular one. I don’t stress about other people’s choices either; I was right in thinking they are an adult and can choose what they want to do, but I am as well, and I needed to care about that.

As for my female friends, I’ve got quite a few. But that’s what they are. Friends. Would I deny wanting to date some of them? Never. Do I still like a couple of them? You bet’cha. But this friend zone is where it’s all about for me. I enjoy texting my friends, calling them beautiful, and having them appreciate it and (hopefully) believing it.

Now all of this, who I was and who I am, leads to three very significant compliments, all within a matter of hours, no more than a day.
I got on Facebook and started talking to my friend Kayla. Quick rundown between Kayla and me, we have been friends for a while, but haven’t hung out in 1-2 years (she lives in Flag.) Now for reasons you don’t get to know, she was having a bad day. A very bad day. I listened to her problems, talked to her about them, all the while catching up on my notifications. Brenda tagged me in one of those “tag your friend in a category”. I expected to be a techie of some kind, I always am. But she tagged me as, “The one who never fails to make your day.” The one who NEVER fails to make your day. I love that. Made my night. I continued talking to Kayla, and toward the end of our conversation, she goes, “I really really appreciate you and all that you do for me. I hope you know that.” Two compliments in one night for just being me.

Then, if that didn’t top it off, that same night I’m talking to my friend Tiffany who now lives overseas, she was telling me about a gentleman she met, who is her good friend but she kinda has a crush on him. I tell her to go for it and give reasons why (sorry peeps, you don’t get details of the convo) and she ended up taking my advice with a nice little note the next day for me, “Thank you Brandon, I took your advice, and we will have to wait and see. It is really sweet that you care so much.”

So who I am, what I do, and what I say matters to my friends around me. Those compliments are far more flattering than any married woman wanting to have sex. I don’t think I could ever go back to who I was. It was nice and fun, sure. But nothing could replace how I feel now. I’m literally loved around the world.

If you love someone and appreciate who they are, make sure you let them know. They will enjoy the compliment and it might just save them from themselves. You never know.

~Just a thought.“The world is full of imperfect thoughts, imperfect relationships, and imperfect people. It is the moment when you are staring into the eyes of the one you care about that those imperfections are why you love them so.” – Brandon Hoffman

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

So I am unofficially moved from Amy's house in Gilbert to another Jessica's home in Mesa. I say unofficially, because there is roughly one more set of stuff that I need to gather and move. Further more, my dog Linux broke my bedroom window panes during the move of the big stuff, so I need to fork out the money on them again. And over the course of the months of my Yorki Joey being locked in my bedroom he tore up the carpet pretty good by the door, which I need to pay for as well. So, unofficially, cause I am definitely still paying for that room.

Kelli ended up canceling the Karaoke night, her ride was leaving one day earlier than she had thought. I had taken the night off, so I still stayed till closing. It was really interesting watching everyone leave before me, rather than me leaving first. It was nice seeing how many people walked up to shake my hand goodbye. I've made plenty of friends there, including several of the staff members.

I don't show it, because I loathe moving, but nothing excites me more than to be moving to this house. Don't get me wrong, I had no real complaints about living at Amy and Ray's, but this move allows me a new starting point with my diet. Unlike at A&R's, I have my own shelf in the cupboard, my own shelf in the fridge and on the door of said fridge. It's a nice roomy kitchen, and I plan to purchase a nice blender for myself for some more smoothies. Only healthy food for me at my house. I am really going to try and bring more food lunches/dinners from home to work. Fast food will no longer cut it. (More details at projectme-shepsus.blogspot.com) It's gonna be tough, but I want to do it. it's the lifestyle I *want*.

Also, there is a park RIGHT ACROSS the street from the new location. With the weather cooling down some, Linux, Joey, and I are gonna start having room to run again. Back at the house Linux, Joey, and I ran around for about an hour every morning because the park was so close. It gave them time to stretch their legs and keep their calm for the day. Eventually it came to be that Linux would not leave the garage door without a walk, which really inspired me to continue walking him. His joy always brings me joy. I have been told there is a dog park nearby as well, if I ever felt the need to not use the regular park.

Will's birthday is coming up on Nov 4th. It's difficult for me to understand, because his death still seems recent. I remember thinking on how everyone was going to react when it came to his birthday after he died. Will's parents and grandparents decided it was a good idea to celebrate his life with all of his friends for his birthday. With the help of Isaac, the lot of us have been contacted and invited via Facebook. It could be a very good time, I just hope we celebrate his life, instead of mourn for his death. I feel like there is a good chance I will make a joke and people will be offended because they will be in morning whereas I will be celebrating.

Speaking of friends, I have done well in the lowering of the pedestals for some of my friends. Some of the stuff I read on Facebook still bother me at times, but I'm not trying so hard or getting too fed up about it. Less stress. Becka and I haven't been able to hang out, but we still text every day. Brenda and I went to Fear Farm with some friends of her's and it was an absolute blast. I'd do it again in a heart beat. We didn't get to hit everything, so if you are going and wouldn't mind another member, hit me up!

Didi and I have continued to talk and hang out. She helped a LOT the past couple of days. She let me borrow her car while mine was out of commission. And she didn't mind using her car and filling it full of my goodies to take over to J&J's house. She actually texted me tonight thanking me for breakfast's and lunch's I have paid for as well as keeping her company. Very sweet. She doesn't realize how much she's helped me out the past couple of days.

My friend Tiffany is now in South Korea and is enjoying herself. Her and I have been able to talk via Facebook once since her move. I need to get Skype set up so we can video chitchat and so she can show me her place. I think I am going to miss her more than I thought I would.

....Back to the move. I think that with this healthy diet/lifestyle change that I am going to put myself through, I need to make it less of just a diet change, and lean more toward the lifestyle change. Having a true starting point is inspiring me to take control over the time I have in my life. For example, I have time at work to study and read and listen to educational-type of things instead of Netflix-ing it up all the time. I think I am truly motivated for that now. At home, I have a Rosetta Stone Spanish 1,2, and 3, which I want to learn, and have yet to play around with. I think I am ready for that too. The less noise around, nice big room, I feel I can do it. Granted, they are .iso's that need to be mounted, and so far Rosetta Stone isn't reading them properly, but I have only tried it once.

I am happy to report more people are still continuing to read my blog to keep up with my life, which I thoroughly enjoy hearing. So now I get to ask you all who have known me quite a while (and even if you've only really spoken to me via Facebook,) who else has effected my life to make me who I am today? Is there anyone you think that I have missed possibly? Please don't be shy, and don't be afraid to be selfish. I have many close friends and if I have forgotten you, please tell me.

~Just a thought.

Beyond the boundaries of your city's lights,
Stand the heroes waiting for your cries.
So many times you did not bring this on yourself,
When that moment finally comes,
I'll be there to help. - Citizen/Soldier by 3 doors down

Thursday, October 20, 2011

So this week has been quite the interesting one. To start out, I found out that Kelli and her friend Carin are coming up this weekend to visit and show Carin the Scottsdale area. I am so excited! It has been too long since I’ve seen Kelli, and the last time the three of us hung out it was a grand time. I decided that we are going to go karaoke-ing at Tilted Kilt Sunday night and hang out with my friends there.

Then, my ex and long-time friend Didi and I got reacquainted through Facebook a couple of days ago and hung out this past week (Thursday I think) for the first time in four years. It was a blast hanging out, FAR LESS awkward than I thought it was gonna be. I mean, what exactly do you say to an ex you haven’t seen after four years? I had a smoothie and we walked around Tempe Marketplace just catching up and talking about ourselves and our families. She’s had quite the adventure. I found it incredibly strange on how different she is, and yet so close to the same thing. She said the same about me.

Speaking of change, that weekend, she invited me how to Mill with her and her sister. It’s really interesting to me to hang out with people in these situations that you knew when you were younger. I’m pretty sure they didn’t know I drank, because I was gung ho against it when we last hung out 4 years ago. Anyhoo, the three of us hit the street and had a great time. I’m not giving detail for their sakes (I was the sober one), but I will say I was named “body guard” by drunk Ashley by the end of the night.

So this PAST Sunday, I decide to meet up with Didi at Tilted Kilt for Karaoke. Mike and I were SO close to getting her to sing. She promised that if she comes out this next Sunday she will. Tilted Kilt is a great place for Karaoke, by the way, and any and all are invited. LOTS of regulars, I go there all the time! J Tilted Kilt played this game called Genre Blitz or something of that nature, and I got stuck with TV show tunes. So I ended up singing Fresh Prince of Bell Air.. Did you know that is an actual song? Like, not just the beginning of a TV show? I had NO idea! So lyrics came up that I didn’t know and I ended up pretending, but eventually said, “Yeah I had no idea what these lyrics are, we’re just gonna wait.” The crowd laughed.

I had far more serious post I was going to write last night, but I have decided against it, as I don’t think I have found the right words to make it an OK post quite yet. But find me the right words, and the I won't refrain from said post :).

Till Later Days.

~Just a thought.

"I cannot promise throwing a penny into a fountain, waiting on a shooting star, or sending a chain letter will make your wishes come true. However, I will say it can't hurt." - Brandon Hoffman

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Thank you to those who have bugged me about the whole blog situation. It was very nice to hear that people have read and enjoyed major parts of my life. It helps me get me over this hurdle, issue – thing.

I’m not terribly emotional on the outside. But I think I avoided doing Will’s post (he does deserve one) because he is one of my best friends that has died. I feel it needs to be perfect, so I’ve put it off. I’ve debated to myself as to how to approach it, treat this post special or not.

I want to honor him in the best way possible, and I think the way to do that is to not give him a special post, and don’t give him special treatment, because he wouldn’t want it. This is not about his life, but about mine, and his influence on me.

Keep your friends close, and your loved ones on your arm.

Will

Will and I met in 8th grade. We met in band, he played trumpet, I played bassoon. He had a bowl cut haircut and I was buzzed. It’s an insignificant detail, but one amusing to me all the same. Anyway, him and I weren’t close friends, but always joked back and forth, and for some reason I knew him and I would be good friends if we tried. But band was where we kept it and the occasional board game at Andersen Jr High.

It wasn’t until 9th grade where he joined our group of friends. At that time, Daniel and I started hanging out again often, and it was about the first or second actual day of school where I introduced the soon-to-be twins united. We hung out on the bus every day and a couple hours after school at the bus stop. That was because our bus stop was at a four –way stop. His house was to the left, Daniels to the right, and mine straight. So we hung out there till one of us had to go home, sometimes as late as 5-6pm, and then all of us would go our separate ways.

I can only remember one time ever being truly mad at him. Long story short, he was the first out of our trio to lose his virginity and didn’t tell us. Now, this wasn’t a common subject that we talked about regularly, BUT we had higher morals than those in the movies going “we MUST lose it!” I was still very naive (we all were) and thought we’d all wait for.. Well I dunno, something worthwhile. But he had lost it to his girlfriend and didn’t tell Daniel and me. That night I was livid. Totally upset as to how I found out, the fact that he had lost it, and the fact he hadn’t said anything. But it took a day and a half and I was over it.

Like I was to Daniel helping him when he walked out on his house, he definitely helped me.There was a night where Didi (girlfriend at the time) and I had talked dirty on the phone to each other, and her mom had picked up and overheard. What’s funny is that I heard the *click* of someone picking up, but I was too horny to pay attention to it. So she overheard and the next day told my dad while I was at school. Didi was told she was not allowed to go to the dance (Homecoming or Prom, I don’t remember) and she was grounded for all eternity. I got home from somewhere kind of late, ready to talk things out man-to-man with my dad, ready to hash it out like we’d done in the past. But he wasn’t home. No one was, they were out to dinner. I felt embarrassed at that point thinking they were out talking about what happened.So I wrote a mean note and started walking. And walking, and walking. I made it to downtown Chandler before stopping. It’s not terribly far from my house, but I went up and down familiar neighborhoods near our school. So there I stopped and sat before my phone rang. It was my dad. I didn’t pick up. A few minutes later, another phone call - It was Will.

“Hey.”

“Heyya. How are ya?”“I could be better, and yourself?”

“Good, where are ya?”

“Dad ask you to call me?”

He shuffled a bit (walked to his room and closed his door), “Yeah, he came over looking for you and told us what happened.”

“Well, I can tell you, but I don’t want you to tell them.”
“Sure thing.”

I ended up telling him and we hung up. It was always a scary thought for the two of us to go against our parents, because they trusted us to the fullest extent. He didn’t lie to my dad about where I was, but he did say he couldn’t tell him and he’d be picking me up. When he got there we sat and talked for a long time. Him about his situations, mine about mine. We sat there for close to an hour looking at downtown Chandler and just talking. He drove me home and I faced the music.

One thing Will and I did was skip school. Now, we did it a LOT (hated our 4th hours, lunch right after), and never really got caught. We had a route that we knew security didn’t monitor, and we could walk home every time scot-free. Him and I never called ourselves out; we just left it up to the fates. Normally, it worked in our favor. For me, this particular time, it did not.

We skipped the whole day, walked to my house and hung out. We talked during the walk about one of us, not both of us, getting caught, and how we wouldn’t rat each other out nor would we rat ourselves out. We felt we can’t be properly punished if there was no phone call from the school. Anyway, the school had called my dad, he had gotten home from work around 4pm to the Daniel, Will, and I in the backroom playing games. He calls me out on skipping Math, I submitted and told him. He asked where I was, and I said at home...... Now, if you weren’t paying attention like I didn’t that day, he said Math.. Not school. I did not catch this, so he replied, “It’s a bit of a walk home just to skip Math Brandon.” I felt stupid. I admitted that I skipped the whole day. He turned to Daniel and asked if he had skipped. He hadn’t and said he hadn’t. He turned to Will and asked, he said he did. My dad called his dad and we both had to go straight home from school for the next two weeks and were grounded. I had to ask Will what was he thinking when he told my dad about what we’d done. His response: “I figured that your dad wouldn’t have thought you skipped alone. He would have thought you were lying if one of us wasn’t with you. So my choice was for your dad to not trust where you were, or to have me skip school. Might as well be honest.”

Another thing he his completely and 100% responsible for indirectly, was get me in shape. Him and I, at the beginning of our junior year, signed up for a semester of PE (prerequisite), then a semester of Weight lifting. I suffered through PE, hated every day of it, and then the day came for weightlifting. I was excited, because Will was in the class with me; after all we made SURE to be in the same fourth hour… But he wasn’t there. Almost hit him at lunch (I was REALLY out of shape and the class kicked my ass), he said that he liked having PE and Isaac was in his class so he switched it and forgot to tell me. I remained in that class for the semester and my life choices were forever changed.

This last thing is huge, for those who know me. Will got me into computers. He introduced me to them when he first started building his rig, encouraged me to join the computer classes he was in (thus meeting Ken Magnum), and assisted in building my first rig. We each set up our own servers and constantly tweaked them. He was far more experimental with his than mine. But I awed and ooed every step of the way. He definitely taught me the basics. And the rest is history. Everything with Ken, my college, career, all began when he first took his computer apart and showed me.

Will was one of the most genuine person’s you would’ve ever met. He always kept quiet and always ready to go along for the ride. He always had my back through struggles, and always encouraged the best out of me. Will invited me to church often, but never pressed when I declined. he definitely changed my life for the better. Every influence he had in my life was a positive one. My first and probably only tattoo I’ll ever get is for Will. “Forever in our hearts, not far from our thoughts.”

Keep your friends close, and the one’s you love on your arm.

~Just a thought.

“Please know he was a good man when he was around you, and he was a good man when he wasn’t.” - The last thing I said to Will’s father Jeff at the hospital after he got done making funeral arrangements for Will.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

So.. It has been a long while since I have posted anything. It's not that I don't have the information I want to post.. I just haven't had the motivation. I haven't posted in ProjectMe since the 11th.. Which I slap myself on the wrist for! But I'll post on it eventually.

The past few weeks have been filled with both laughs and sorrows. Since I haven't posted on ProjectMe, Aaron and I have been doing great on our Mon/Wed/Fri OR Sat workouts, and Jake and I have been killing it on Tuesdays but slacking some on Thursdays due to things that keep coming up.

Lately I've been rethinking my life.. Where I am now and where I want to be. I ask myself if I'm happy where I am at when it comes to health, where I'm living, and my friends. Let me break it down for ya... And for those who have known me for some time. This is gonna get a little depressing, just a forewarning, but I wanna get it outa my system.

For my health, I am very happy with what I'm doing. I still need to diet better, but that will come with a better living situation to where I can cook more for myself. Since I am living with a family I feel like I'm invading their space when I use the kitchen. I just use the fridge and freezer for my drinks and food. And every once in a while the microwave.. But cooking I just don't do. My items get mixed with there's in the cupboard and I don't want to use any of their cooking materials, and I don't feel like dirtying anything more than what is already taking place in the kitchen. But I exercise on a regular basis now and I'd like to think I am halting my belly growth if not slowly making it go away.

Where I live.. Now, I am very blessed to have found the job I have. I could make a career out of where I am and make money and be happy right here in the Phoenix area for a very long time. But is it what I really want? I have always wanted to travel, and lately I have been more and more open to the idea of moving outside of the Mesa/Tempe/Chandler/Gilbert/Guad area. Even out of the county, hell the state. For the longest time, I have always been scared of leaving behind my friends and family. I have this issue of always wanting to be included in everything, its a curse, and it has kept me from wanting to move outside of my comfort zone. But lately, either my sense of adventure kicked in, or my common sense kicked in. And now if something comes a calling outside of the city or outside of the state, I am gonna go for it.

Furthermore my friends.. Now, friends.. Again this is kinda a bitch fest. I give you some warning, cause I know its partially my own insecurities. I know its my "always wanting to be included" thing that I have. If you still want to read than by all means!

I think I finally got it through my head that length of friendship doesn't necessarily mean quality of friendship. I feel closer to friends I have known for a month or so compared to a lot of friends who I've known for years. Now, friendships do die away, but I strongly feel some of these shouldn't have. Isaac and I do not talk, ever. In both of our blogs, (His is back up if you didn't know!) we said that we're working on getting closer and talking more.. Now I tried to play the tough love card on him and I guess it back fired, I really don't feel he's trying to be friends anymore. It sucks, cause we are in the same circle of said friends.. But I've tried texting him I get nothing in return. There are other things that I have noticed, but since they could just be speculations I am going to leave them out of this..

I have these long-time friends, Daniel, Donna, Gary, and Isaac, who I have considered best friends for a long time. But we just don't hang out anymore, or, at least, often. I don't feel that I'm invited to social events all the time that I'd think they'd want me to be there. I've told myself its just speculation.. Because it doesn't happen ALL the time. Big events come up, and I am there, with them and our circle of friends that we hang out with. I'd do anything and everything for them.. But I have this knot in my gut that the feeling isn't mutual.

On the flip side, however, I have other friends who I have met outside of my circle.. Becka, Ace, Brenda, Aaron and Mike, who enjoy hanging out with me and invite me out often. I can't always go, of course, cause of sleep or obligations such as working out, but the invites, texts, and conversations keep coming. For example, Becka wanted to grab breakfast after I got out of work, now she lives in Glendale and is currently car-less, so I would have to make the drive up there. Furthermore, I always pay when we go out, its just what I do. So I make a joke through text saying, "All you are looking for is a ride to a free breakfast! lol." She called me, not texted, called to make sure that is not what she intended. I laughed and told her I completely meant it to be a joke, and that I would love to take her out to breakfast again. And we did, and as always, it was worth the trip and meal to hang out with her.

Every Sunday Mike and I head out for beers to Tilted Kilt. My birthday was Aug 16th, and this past Sunday was the first Sunday I was able to make it to because of needing sleep before work. I asked Mike about my birthday beer he promised via Facebook. I wasn't expecting anything, but sure enough, he stopped the waitress and said to put a beer on his tab for me. And when the bills came, it happened to be on mine.. I didn't care, but he insisted and stopped the waitress again and requested she fix it. And she did.

I just don't know if it is my attachment issues that I have towards some of these long term friends.. Or the fact that I am bothering them by constantly trying to be their best friend. I don't know. But maybe its time to re-evaluate things? Grow up?

I am just really scared of losing that "best friend since elementary school" thing that I have with some of these friends. But maybe it isn't there anymore anyway. I dunno.

This isn't supposed to be a rag on my friends, truly. They have done a lot for me, and I for them. Their are reasons I have considered them best friends for so long. I just think if I take them off this pedestal I've put them on, I wouldn't be bothered so much when I am left out of things, or not called or texted. My stress level would drop significantly, in which effects health more than some would think.

I think after getting more friends and branching out more, I'd be more comfortable growing up like I should and being OK with moving and taking me where life needs to take me. Focus on something more valuable than all this stuff I'm still hanging on to.

Next up is another person who changed my life forever.. And forever he did, physically, socially, mentally, and steered my path to where I am today.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

From the moment I met Daniel, he has always been my best friend. It has been so long we've shared nearly everything and anything, and anything that hasn't been talked about is that it hasn't been brought up yet in conversation, not the fact that we *don't* want to tell each other. Now that I'm recalling things and just trying to be honest, there was one small hiatus where we weren't friends.. But we've since reconciled that. There was only one other small hiatus within junior high where he hung out with Mario and his group of friends and I hung out with another group, but toward the end of eighth grade we were one big group of friends anyway. Stick Wars!

An ex once asked me how she ranked among my friends. I told her she is in a different category. And I think this is the best explanations for any guy to his girl, in relation to his friends (if she asks.) She would be the one person I’d expect to tell me NOT to get into a fight. To take the “higher” ground. Daniel, on the other hand, would be the one person I’d expect to jump into the fight with me if I chose to fight. And he would.

There are too many memories to share all in one post. But here are a few highlights before we get into some memories:
He knew my first crush before anyone else.
I knew his several of his crushes, and probably his first.
He knew my first celebrity crush before anyone else and I know his.
He met me at our "tree" whenever I needed to talk, and vice versa.
United Artist Theaters was our place to chill. First time I ever stole something was with him, $1 in quarters from the fountain so we could play in the arcade.
My second girlfriend (Carolanne) thought he was cuter than me, but I told him I thought she was cute, so he stayed away.
I introduced him to his first and only girlfriend.
I have almost gotten him into a couple fights. He's definitely pushed the boundaries with bigger guys because he knew I had his back.
He made me my first drink.

First time I left the house super late was to catch him walking from his house to our elementary school because his parents were fighting. How did I know? He called me. He asked me to stop him from walking all the way down there, because he couldn't stop himself. I stopped him from continuing his walk, we sat on a bench and he cried and talked about it until he chose to go home.

During 8th grade, he and I didn’t hang out much during school. However, we still lived fairly close and made our regular visits to chill outside of school. I don’t remember what happened that made this sentence so significant to me, but we were talking one day at Andersen Jr. High, and talking about fights. I never put up with fights and since I was a big kid, I usually got my way. I remember Daniel telling me this, “Fights? Brandon, before the end of any fight, not only would you have them hugging it out, but they’d be friends and have chosen to stop cursing because of you. Cause that’s what you do.”

Several years later, I took him with my family to Big Bass Days. It's a fishing tournament at Lake Pleasant for those interested. From what I can recall, he's not a huge fan of camping, but he shares my fishing interest and everyone wants a little vacation. My entire family got the fifth wheel whereas we got a tent outside. We didn't participate in the tournament, but we walked around, checked out girls, checked out guns, and checked out the biggest fish. We met a few cool cats and hung out and flung water at each other. I had met Carolanne and he had met another girl. I left him briefly to be introduced to Carolanne's father and mother that night. I came back and he said that the girl had to go do something. So I ended up saying goodbye to Carolanne (we had exchanged e-mail addresses) and walked off to go find her. We never did.

That night we got our little tent set up, talking about how much fun we actually had. The wind started to pick up.. Rain storm of the century. The fifth wheel my family stayed in rocked back and forth, our tent was coming up from the ground. We spent the entire night keeping the tent up which we succeeded at, and keeping the water out, which we failed at. We tried several times to sleep, we had set up pool lawn chairs (those long ones) to lie on top of as beds, it didn't work. I remember the moment Daniel realized we weren't getting any sleep that night.. See, people started to pull away early throughout the night because it was a dirt lot and with all of the rain it was turning into thick mud. Headlights passed our tent numerous times as we fought the storm. At one point, Daniel covers his eyes and goes, "Why don't those people with the headlights in front of us just leave?!" I hesitantly reply, "Those aren't headlights this time, that’s the sun." And it was 6am. My family walked out of the fifth wheel with us sitting on our chairs outside of our half-fallen tent and us just SOAKED. They asked how our night was.

Fast forward another year or so, Daniel and I were freshmen in high school. We were walking down a hall and one of Daniel’s classmates yells something rude to Daniel jokingly. Daniel turns and yells something back. One of the classmate’s friends took offense and stands up and yells something at Daniel. This guy is 6’3, slightly heavy set, but all in all a big guy. What does Daniel do? He decides to make a remark, “Hey buddy, you better put your dog here on a leash.” The big guy takes a step forward, so I, in turn, take a step forward. The big guy remarks something like to get out of his way, not my problem, something cliché… But I don’t move, “If you try to do anything with him we’re going to have a problem.” I remember saying. He contemplates for a minute, and then sits down. Daniel and I walk away, I whisper to Daniel, “Dude, that was a big guy you were messing with..”

Daniel replies, “Yeah, I wouldn’t have said anything if you weren’t there. I kinda figured you’d step in.” And he laughs…

There are far more memories that are in fragments and Daniel holds the other pieces to. He and I could spend entire days just reminiscing about the old times. He is as good as a friend could ever ask for. Daniel is far more intelligent than he gives himself credit for, and he has processed and understood love more than most guys our age have. He’s a gentleman at heart and I am glad to call him my best friend.

I'm sure all of you know by now how good it is to have friends. Something I’ve learned is to never think your friends are just there to pass the time. You have friends for a reason, and as long as u have friends u will always have someone to talk to, someone who will listen to you, someone who will be by your side when your need is at its most. I’ve come to realize that one of the best feelings in the world is to know your friends will stand by your side and stay there no matter how hard of road you take them on. No matter what journey lies ahead of u it's always good to know that you can rely on someone’s shoulder to be there for you if your first attempts lead you into the dirt. Don't think bigger numbers makes better friends, always have time to make that friend, that best friend, that friend who will stay with you forever and always. -Daniel
~Just a thought

Monday, August 22, 2011

This week… This week… This week was probably the best week of my life, followed by one of the roughest weekends. I don’t remember doing much Monday, I’m trying to recall, but nothing significant is coming up. If I am wrong, again, please correct me!

Tuesday was my birthday. Since Daniel had a big thing on Saturday, my plan was just to take my dogs to the park and then go on a date with Kelli. Just something laid back and mellow as my Facebook and text messages filled up with happy birthday wishes. Well, talking to Kelli some she said she didn’t see why I still didn’t try to do something and she said that she wanted to meet my friends and family. I texted about 17 people to try and make dinner. I wasn’t expecting much since it was within a one hour period. Nearly everyone showed! I was moved and impressed. I told Kelli that we would have company for our dinner and she was happy to hear it. Old Chicago with friends and family was a great time. I ordered three pizzas and everyone chowed to their hearts content.

Afterward I took Kelli to my dad’s house to hang out with my brothers some more, in which she discovered they played Magic: The Gathering.That won them over quickly. Since we didn’t have a lot of time to teach her, I decided to play a game against my brothers to show her the game. She got into it and I was still able to show her the basics of the game with my hand. After the game she made me promise to teach her.

That night I went to drop her off and we talked for a long time again about whether or not we should be in a relationship. There are many things working against us as it is, but at the same time we could just tell that we didn’t really want to see it just drop off. I half-jokingly said that she was going to find Mr. Prince Charming in Tucson and forget about me anyway. She assured me that she had never found someone like me before and didn’t think anyone could compare. (Aw! I know right?! :D ) I walked her to the door and kissed her goodnight.

And then drove to work.

Work was not busy, the calm normal stuff. But time, for me, seemed to just slow down. It started getting cold and my throat started to hurt. By the end of the shift I was shivering, sweating, barely swallowing and E-mailing my boss saying I probably wasn’t going to make it into work the following evening cause I was messed up.I took a hot shower so my body felt better with a fever, took some basic meds and tried to sleep. I woke up three hours later in a sweat and my throat worse. I shrug out of bed and trot off to the nearest Urgent Care. When I get into see the doctor he looks down my throat and says, “On a scale from 1-10, with 10 being the worst, I’d say that’s about an 8, how long have you had this again?” I told him less than 12 hours, his face showed surprise.. “Meds then.” And I got meds, a doctor’s note for work, and I texted Kelli who was worried aboot me and when I got home, I took the meds and fell asleep. I woke up still in a sweat, but feeling better.I had a couple text messages from my mom and Kelli, who were both worried.

Kelli asked if I’d like her to come over and take care of me. I replied that she probably shouldn’t since I hadn’t been on antibiotics for 24 hours, but I know it would not have stopped me from bringing her soup if she was feeling sick. So she came over with some freshly baked cookies for me! I was thrilled. I told her that I was hungry and that I want Olive Garden, she didn’t have much of an appetite but would love to come along. So she drove us to Olive Garden, we ordered and munched a little, turns out neither of us were really hungry. Kelli then surprised me once again.

Kelli said that she knew it’d be difficult when she moved down there to see each other and be in a relationship. However, she saw in no way, shape, or form could she find someone like me and to not give it a shot would be ridiculous. She said that if I wanted to give it a shot, she would be taken when she got down to Tucson. I wanted to leap over the table to kiss her then, but refrained and said that I would like that, but I will think about it some. We drove to my house to conclude the evening, we got out of the truck and I hugged her and said I would really like her to be taken by me. She smiled and agreed. We walked into my house, she was reintroduced to my dogs, met my roommates and their kids. Then we proceeded to head upstairs and we napped and talked and just enjoyed ourselves. Linux and Joey made appearances regularly jumping on the bed and playing around some.

Though the night was amazing, I wasn’t feeling well enough to work, so I had called out.

Thursday rolls around and I text Jake telling him I won’t be able to make it to jog as I have strep, then text Aaron and tell him I can’t make it to the gym for the same reason.I sleep most of the day away, waking up to take meds, playing some video games, seriously trying to relax as my throat is being bitchy.

Kelli came over later that evening, she had some theater stuff to handle. We didn’t go eat anywhere but spent the night with my pups napping and talking and just enjoying each other’s company. She tells me that I’m invited out with her and her parents to a country grill tomorrow (Friday) I happily accept. She left a little earlier than I would have liked, but it was all well.I get a phone call a little later from her, she said that a couple of guys were giving her the lookie-loo at the 7-11 near my house. Now, being checked out is one thing. But she ended up telling me they made crude comments and one guy actually got in her way from leaving. I was furious and seriously considered going over there to teach them some basic manners and simple physics.. IE, this tire iron going at an excessive rate will break the face… I kept my cool though while she was on the phone as to not freak her out. She seemed to calm down ok and we hung up.

Friday flew by and spent most of it at my dad’s. I received a text from Kelli saying to be at her place by 7. I got to talk to my dad quite a bit which was nice, watched tv till 6:30 drew closer. As I got up and told them I had to leave, my dad stopped me and goes, “Going out with her parents? And you are wearing that?” I looked down at my gray T-shirt and darker gray jeans with my hat. I nod and he shakes his head and tells me to follow him. I ended up borrowing a short-sleeved collared shirt and then used some of my brother’s mouse and did my hair up. I looked awesome. I started the drive.

Kelli’s parents are a lot of fun btw. We get there, order some food and I order a beer. We listen to country music and watch people two-step. All of us agreed that we want to learn how. I go and use the restroom. A fast song comes on and it occurs to me that I should ask Kelli to dance. I button my shirt up real quick and tuck it in and as I go out there I pull Kelli to the dance floor. Neither of us knew what we were doing but it was a ton of fun anyway. We go to sit down as her parents applaud. I tell Kelli that we’re doing it again, but she shakes her head and goes, “I don’t think so, I’m quite comfortable here.” I laugh and we continue to watch. It wasn’t until the song “Honey Bee” comes on did we dance again. And much to my surprise Kelli was the one to drag ME onto the dance floor. We sang and tried to copy some of the other dancing steps, then we just did our own thing and I spun her a couple of times. Tons of fun.

We get back to her place and her mom invites me to stay the night on the couch since Kelli is leaving in the morning. Kelli and I go to her room and we continue to talk and kiss. Mostly talk though, since it did kind of hit us again that she’ll be in Tucson in less than 24 hours. We talk about how we feel about each other, big concerns, little ones, her doubts, my doubts, that sorta thing. At the end we grew merry again because she really does like me and I really like her and we want to be together. I ended up not staying the night, because Kelli knew she had a ton of stuff to do in the morning and needed rest, whereas I stay up throughout the night.

That night I went and got her flowers and a small gift for her to open on the road, I dressed them up as best as I could and when 5:30 struck I drove back to her house, despite what Kelli had to say.

As I got there the garage was open as was the back of their truck, preparing for the Tucson move. I parked across the street and got out, her dad coming out of the garage door. I got nervous, because it was just me and him now, and I’m sure he noticed I wasn’t there that morning. But he saw me and the flowers. He told me, “Go knock on the front, they are expecting me there, Kelli should be right by the door." My nerves were extinguished. I went and knocked, their dogs barked like crazy. Kelli opened the door and her smile was one of the ages. She hugged me, asked me what I was doing there, accepted the flowers, hugged me again, showed her mom, hugged me again. Lots of hugging :p. I helped them load up the truck, set and load the trailer and just spent time with them. I gave Kelli one final hug and kiss goodbye, and she was off to Tucson! I shook her dad’s hand and got in my car, I drove home and slept quite the sleep.

That was my week, how was yours?

"For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11