Thursday, December 3, 2009

Well, its thursday night and dangerously close to the weekend...DANGEROUSLY close! And I want to be the first to wish you all a happy weekend!
You may ask yourself, self, why is Josh providing me with news today? Well, here is why...
Yea, I think that you saw that coming. It seems strange to me that people are shocked. I mean, let alone caring about Tiger Woods personal life, people are "so surprised" and all that, like they know him personally and that he somehow let them down. So, because your news is probably covering Tiger and the Cougar, here is some real news to fill that head with.
Get on the Ground NOW! zzzt
Well, it seems as though shooting 50,000 volts of electricity is the ONLY way to stop a 10 years old kid throwing wood and things at cops. Next time Ill have to remember this next time I babysit my little 11 year old nephew"
"Stop jumping on the bed!"
"No" he says in his winy little boy voice.
"Stop jumping on the bed right now and get into time out! I am in charge here when your parents are gone!"
"No!" he says again.
ZAAAAP!
"YEA," I yell at the heap of a little boy on the ground, writhing in pain from the 50,000 volts, "That will teach you not to listen to me you little muthafuckin brat!"
Oh wait, I would never do that, because he is 11! And I have a heart! And I would be in JAIL for CHILD ABUSE!!! What is wrong with these cops. The kid was armed with wood, a pipe, and a stick. How about these officers grow a pair and handle it like humans! But no, they had to tazer the kid like the animals they are. Sad, really.
Apparently the tazer was supposed to replace the gun as a form of "non-lethal" force. Some say that that it was to replace the billy club. Even if that is true, who the hell would use a billy club on a 10 year old! Or, if you scroll down the page the story is on, a 72 year old great-grandma!
The other video on the site with the story of the poor 10 year old is a video of a cop accidently tazing himself after a chase. It would be funny, except for the fact that the cop was pointing a tazer (which, by the way, is not "non lethal" for WAAAY too many people) at a man facedown on the ground being cuffed.
So I just want to say way to go cops! I used to have respect for the profession. Not any more, too many tools.
Save the Whales! Free Tibet! End World Hunger! Bail out Big Newspaper?
I am actually in support of bailing out newspaper companies. Without them, I wouldnt be able to pull the free local paper and dry out my boots with it. (works good by the way) But seriously, what more do you know to need that a business is dying other than the fact it has the word "paper" in the title? This is the digital age, and newspapers are obsolete. Its called adapt or die. There were no bailouts for the makers of oil lamps, hand mixers, intellivision, ice boxs, asbestos, record makers, hand plows, butter churns, roller skates, VCRs, laserdiscs, 8 tracks, cassettes, paper ballots, ska music, and so on. Adapt or die.
An example of adaption would be the makers of oil lamps. I own a decorative oil lamp, and it is rather nice. One oil lamp company saw that its practical days were behind them, and adapted. Newspapers seem to be starting to do the same, but if unsuccessful, let them die.
Besides, Henry Waxman who says "We cannot risk the loss of an informed public and all that means because of this market failure," he said. Yeeees, well Mister Waxman (said in my best Montgomery Burns voice, are you not part of the green movement as well? How is that much paper everyday go along with your environmental stances.
Looks like the only green that matters to you are the dirty ones lining your pocket.
They ARE Triangulating Your Cell Phones!
It looks like the movie Pineapple Express was right, the coppers ARE triangulating your cells! Damn! And, according to this story, Sprint costumers GPS data was viewed EIGHT MILLION TIMES!!! Thats 8,000,000 times! There are only 48.3 million subscribers to sprint, according to wikiinvest.com. I cant wait to see how many times my company has been looked at by the feds. If Hitler were alive today, there would be no more Jews; now THATS scary!
I hope that this made your thursday night, or friday at the orifice a little better (or worse) but hey, it killed time right? Well, from me to you,

1 comments:

Anonymous
said...

Just get the feeling, since it is possible that "darker" members of society will soon all go down the proverbial gurgler - that our Tiger is the first to go, Oprah has already resigned from being such a public face - we all suspect the options for the renowned Mr BO Soetoro are not auspicious, and goodness knows who else - obviously Mr Mandela lets the side down - nothing will besmirch his profile - oh but he could die any minute which will remove his impeccable record from ranks of naughty "darker" men. If you do not follow my drift it is not surprising for I speak with an Australian accent.