Sometimes Diabetes Takes Center Stage

Absence and the Heart

September 15, 2014

I’ve been absent. Only blogging though (at least I think).

To say that this summer has been a roller coaster would be a large understatement. I’ve been changing goals, changing how I reach goals that have stayed the same, enjoying & embracing the time with family and friends. I’ve been diligent in my Dexcom use, but only because everything else has been so out of control, that it was the only way for me to keep somewhat responsible in the diabetes world.

As I was thinking about how to explain this to you, in a more detailed manner, I realized it didn’t matter. There were experiences I wanted to share, but couldn’t. There were emotions I wanted to yell about, but realized it wouldn’t change a thing. There are ways to make decisions that need to be changed, but I don’t have the power to do it. There is family that is gone. Read that last one again.

The last party my grandmother attended was during FFL, which I was sad I missed then. We won’t talk about how it feels now.

My goal here is not to make you feel sorry for me. The thing is that with all of this SHIT that I’ve experienced, I’ve also realized that my life is so much more full than it was a year ago. I’ve spent more time with friends than I could’ve imagined. I’ve had more people to call after a bad day. I’ve had people say that they’re happy to be my friend, not just thank me for being their friend. I had a terrible vacation, which I was able to make look great through pictures, because I had friends who stepped in when all I could say was “I need to escape.” To the shy, scared, intimidated me of the past, this is a huge deal. It’s made dealing with all of this SHIT able to be dealt with. I didn’t even realize just how much I had been through until I went to send an email. I was asking for advice and then I explained everything I thought they might be able to help me with. It took me HOURS to write the email because I couldn’t stop sobbing. That day I realized just how great my life is.

I can’t tell you about diabetes because I honestly don’t know. I know that my blood sugar was high all the time during vacation; I also know vacation was the worst week of summer. Hopefully life and diabetes calm down soon. Until then, thank you: whether you knew you were helping or not.

There will always be good times and bad times. Ironically, it’s the bad times that make you realize how good are the people around you are. I hope things get better, and that the scattered happy moments to come don’t cause you to lose sight of the more important good things and people in your life.