4) Shagging his girlfriend is like canoodling with the sleeping bag of a mate during pre-pubescent frolics at a sleep over

5) When annoyed, her face can transmogrify into a snout. An entire fucking snout…a round, flabby, pink bum of a face

6) Gay Dad

7) Safety Dance - Men Without Hats

8) 02072470161

9) Buy Lee Evans Live + Nan Goldin

10) Christmas time again. Since I am in high spirits today, I plan to cry-wank into a thimble and use the collected salty residue to water the flower of my discontent. Tum-Tums for Breakfast.

11) Hate women. Hate women. Hate women…The ‘womble nose’’ in the zipper wasn’t a success. She lambasted the boy with a liquorice whip.

12) An England Story (album)

13) People assume I’m a bully with regards to my onslaught of this poor, fat lummox. When I retort with the old line of ‘It’s all in good fun’’ they say that some may beg to differ. You may want to diff her, but I don’t think any begging is required – she’s quite a desperate girl.