It was on Facebook where I learned about the pregnancy of a
close friend.

So, too, on Facebook I’ve learned who will be voting for
whom in the upcoming election. And it’s also where I learn whose kid is
sick, who had a wild and crazy evening, and who really needs another cup of
coffee.

You might say it allows me to stay in touch.

A large body of research shows what most of us intuitively
know to be true: People with close and rich relationships tend to be happier
than loners. Because of this, it would follow that social networking sites like
Facebook bring us happiness by allowing us to connect with more people more
often.

Yet, while this might be true for some people, it isn’t true
for many.

New research shows that roughly 15 percent of the
population—or about one in every seven people—is definitely worse off
emotionally in our high tech, cloud-based world. This percentage of the
population possesses a genetic variation that makes them much more likely to
become addicted to the Internet.

Other research has found:

Teens who are heavy Internet users are more
likely to develop depression.

Teens who already have psychiatric
problems—ADHD, social phobia, hostility and depression—are more likely to
develop an Internet addiction.

People who spend a lot of time online tend to
replace real-life social interaction with online connections, and are more
likely to become depressed as a result.

I’ve noticed that my feelings of bliss begin to drain the
longer I spend on social media sites. Rather than feeling warm and loved as I
do after a night with my girlfriends, I often walk away from the computer
feeling negative, tired, and, occasionally, angry.

There was a time, not all that many years ago, when people considered
it impolite to talk about politics or religion. Yet, on Facebook,
people post extremely divisive material about such topics all the time—and they
viciously argue with one another in the comments.

There was a time when, on a beautiful summer night, neighbors
sat outside on their porches. They knew each other by name. They relaxed and
did this thing once known as, “shooting the breeze.” Nowadays I see parents at
the playground, their heads bowed, their fingers on their phones. I’ve even
been known to do this myself.

Back in those early days, a phone was something that was
attached to a wall. You used it to call people who were geographically too far
away to speak to in person. For everyone who was closer, you walked out your
front door, walked over to theirs, and you knocked.

In those days letters were something that people like me
wrote by hand. They were long, and they were in cursive. Back then, we ran to
the mailbox, hoping to find a letter inside. Nowadays we complain about our
email, saying, “I’ll never get to the end of this inbox.” We don’t light up
when a new email comes in. We cringe, especially if the email is more than a paragraph long.

Times have changed, and they’re not going to change back. So
the solution lies in finding a way to connect—really and truly connect—in
person and online. For me that means I set myself some rules: turn away from
the phone or computer and make eye contact with anyone who is talking to me in
real life. It also means that I don’t post sentences online that I wouldn’t say
out loud to someone standing right next to me. I don’t type about topics that I
wouldn’t feel comfortable hashing out with my in-laws at the Thanksgiving
table. And whenever I find myself on Facebook searching for happiness, I tell
myself: Step away from the computer, and step into real life.

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ABOUT THE WRITERS

TIM DARRAGH has been reporting and editing the news for 30 years, most of it at The Morning Call. For much of that time, he's been doing award-winning investigative and in-depth reporting projects. Tim created the three-year-long Change of Heart project, and wrote a series on the state's fractured food inspection system that led to widespread improvements in food safety. Meantime, that novice jogger you see plodding along the streets around Bethlehem Township? That would be Tim.