weekend pickthrough: a lesson in customer service edition.

i was at the mall trying on dresses, and was feeling uncertain about a strapless number with somewhat poorly located pockets. still pretty cute, and at $19.99… definitely worth consideration.

so i threw a belt on it, walked out of the dressing room, and asked the nearest sales associate if she thought it was too poofy around the waist. as in: is the excess pocket fabric making it unflattering? (i may have even motioned to the bunchiness with my hand.)

apparently i wasn’t clear enough, because her response knocked me on my ass:

“maybe you should wear something under it , like spanx”

[silence]

“or maybe you’re just having a puffy day.”

[backs slowly into dressing room with head down]

wow. i was speechless and ashamed and mortified. i high tailed it out of there (ok, AFTER i bought three pairs of $1.97 flats- who cares about pride when you have cute shoes?), and drowned my humiliation in a jumbo sized container of pretzel nubs.

once i’d gotten a grip, i calmly called the store manager and explained what happened. i was sweet, apologetic even. reluctant to name names. in short, i was a PUSSY.

i was so filled with anger, and so completely afraid to make a scene or be rude or inconvenience anyone else, that i lost my chance to slap that sales associate across the face with my glove and demand the satisfaction that i deserve. at the very least, i lost my chance to slap that sales associate across the face.

i failed. also, a mall sales girl called me puffy.

*i did take the opportunity to have a MASSIVE twitter pity party, which made me feel infinitely better. you heard it here first- twitter is good for your self esteem.

this butterbeer cupcake recipe started something it couldn’t finish. to quote my facebook page: “attempting to synthesize butterbeer in my kitchen lab with cream soda and buttershots. my stomach hurts, and i’m not even a little bit drunk. fuck you harry potter.”

**yeah, that picture is the scene in pretty woman where the bitchy sales ladies send her packin. maybe richard gere will take me back to the mall and tell that dressing room bitch that she needs spanx, and that we’re gonna go spend our money in freeport.

eh not that weird. If you’ve had weird health problems, I’ve probably had them or a roomie that has had them. Ha! Did you find out what caused the hives? I once had an allergic reaction to Amoxicillin and ended up all rashy for like two weeks. I can sympathize.

18042011

imogenflowers(09:06:06) :

Were you perchance at Forever 21? One time Theresa and I pointed out a mod dress with a big square print to a sales associate and asked if they had any more mod dresses, to which she replied that she thought there might be some plaid dresses in another room. Moral of the story: they only hire dumb people at the mall. She probably thought the puffy pockets were a part of your body. In which case, to be fair, you would need spanx. Or a doctor.

NO THEY DIDN’T. that’s ridiculous. plus, you’re all kinds of tiny. also, you’re totally right- she had a good 30-50 lbs. on me. i might be puffy, but she couldn’t have gotten into that dress with a shoehorn and the grace of god.

Haters gonna hate! (Ok, I don’t really know what that sentence means, but it sounds trendy). Please don’t let the stinkers get you down. I am constantly amazed at the douchery of the general public. You are awesome!

Good for you for one calling the manager and two getting the shoes! I honestly don’t know what I would have said other than to probably give her a raised eyebrow and a yeah, I am almost 40 and expanding. Thanks.

thanks! they also gave me a code for 40% off. it’s not that i’m denying my puffiness- i just don’t want to be reminded of it while i’m shopping for dresses. the flattering lighting and gently tilted mirrors at the gap make me feel ok about myself- and she took that away. EMOTIONAL DISTRESS! [where’s my lawyer?]