Don't Look Up

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All Rise...

Judge Mike Rubino is a remake of a Japanese horror film.

The Charge

"What are you, a booster for the Romanian Rotary
Club?"—Davis

Opening Statement

So you've just landed your first big movie, and now you're finally ready to
become a director. Congratulations! A word of caution: along with the joys of
the creative process, you must also be prepared to deal with the wide variety of
problems that may arise without warning. If your cast consists of a bunch of
accident-prone drug addicts, make sure you get them insurance. If you're filming
in a location likely to flood, make sure you not only insure your equipment but
the location as well. And if you're filming a remake of a cursed silent film
that was destroyed because of gypsy ghosts…consider working in
television.

Facts of the Case

In the 1920s, filmmaker Bela Olt (Eli Roth, director of Hostel) tried to make a movie
about an old gypsy legend. It didn't last very long: not soon after cameras
began rolling, Olt was killed and the whole production vanished.

Flash forward to troubled aueteur Marcus Reed (Reshad Strik), who's dead set
on filming the unmade gypsy movie because of his unhealthy obsession over an old
production photo. The thing about Marcus is that he's something of a mystic
himself. He gets seizures, has visions, and has a bit of clairvoyance, so his
reputation for being kinda crazy certainly precedes him.

As production begins on the original film's soundstage in Transylvania,
strange accidents and paranormal happenings crash the set (literally): stage
lights fall on people, ghosts show up on film negatives, crew members suddenly
turn on Marcus, and a pack of smelly flies start swarming. Didn't they mention
something in film school about filming in Transylvania?

Don't Look Up is a remake of a 1996 Japanese horror film by Hideo
Nakata (Ringu).

The Evidence

Don't Look Up is an East meets West affair as Japanese horror
sensibilities merge with American monster aesthetics to form a swarming pile of
mediocrity. Despite this, the familiar premise mixed with some surprising
casting and direction may interest some hardcore (or very forgiving) horror
fans.

The film's opening sequence, in which Eli Roth (still wearing that mustache
from Inglourious Basterds) plays an
old-timey filmmaker, is a fun bit of camp. Sadly, the rest of the film fails to
match that tone. The 1920s flashback fades out of the movie, becoming one of
Marcus Reed's many seizure-induced "visions." It's these very dreams
that send Marcus to Transylvania in order to finish the forgotten gypsy movie.
Along with him are a film crew of stereotypes including the lovable, Romanian
wiseacre Grigore (Lothaire Bluteau, The Tudors), a milquetoast producer
(Henry Thomas, E.T.), and a feisty lighting technician (Kevin Corrigan,
Big Fan). As the film progresses, and their
movie production becomes engulfed in odd accidents and curses, the Romanian crew
gets picked off one by one in generally unimpressive fashion.

The idea of a theatrical production being cursed by an angry specter isn't
necessarily new. Sometimes it's just a cranky janitor pretending to be a ghost
and other times it's Nosferatu himself—regardless of the threat, the setup
plays out the same. Don't Look Up does nothing to challenge this
relatively basic premise. It establishes the gypsy ghost in the beginning of the
film, plateaus in terms of horror, and maintains a boring pace the rest of the
way. The film-within-the-film doesn't fair much better; it ambles along without
a script or an actual story and never feels like a real production. I was
beginning to think it only consisted of a single reaction shot, until Marcus
throws in a gross birth scene seemingly inspired by Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls.

The film's campy nature may be a selling point for some, what with the
Transylvanian setting, the inconsistent acting, and the cheesy dialogue, but
it's not awful enough to fun. It's a mediocre sort of bad. Don't Look Up
is the American debut for director Fruit Chan (Three…Extremes), but
he does little to set himself apart from other direct-to-DVD horror films. I can
only hope that this will lead to better projects for the well-regarded
director.

At least Don't Look Up comes with a serviceable audio/video
presentation. While the film never looks spectacular—the CGI flies and
silent film stock look as fake as can be—it never looks completely low
budget. The audio is clear and the orchestral soundtrack elevates the mood the
best it can. The DVD comes with a fairly in-depth "making of"
featurette with plenty of cast and crew interviews, including some insightful
discussion by Fruit Chan. There's also a throwaway "behind the scenes"
video and a trailer.

Closing Statement

I'm not sure what's more disappointing, the fact that this movie wasn't very
scary, or that it wasn't terrible enough to be fun. Instead, it's caught in the
middle. Don't let the tagline "from the creator of The Ring" fool you. This one's not worth
looking up.