Child Support & Custody Support Group

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Possible Divorce in my Future

I recently wrote getting advice about my stepson who is being abused by his step father. Well the mother has started to leave him alone with his stepfather again and my DH has visitation this weekend. Well BM works 3-12 on Friday and Sunday and I told my DH that he will be telling BM that he will not be dropping DS off to SF on sunday. Well DH tells me that he will call the social worker and get her opinion on whether he should drop DS off to SF. I already know that the SW will not give any info to DH and that he needs to see a lawyer and I told him this and I also told him that as his BF he has the obligation to protect his DS. I was told that I was being immature and that I need to stay out of it. So with that little bit of history I told my DH that if he drops DS of with SF (his abuser!) then I am packing up our children and leaving him. I am leaving the house this weekend while my SS is here because it will kill me if he comes to me telling me what his SF did to him wed. and thurs. and all I can say is I am sorry it's out of my hands cuz your dad won't do anything about it. I just want to bawl b/c my SS is like a son to me b/c I have been there for him since he before he was 2. I am scared he is going to end up in the hospital and everyday I am frightened when my phone rings. I just lost my newborn daughter in Oct. 08 and I can't bear to lose another child. I would end up in the nut house. yes it is going to kill me when I get a divorce b/c it will be like I am divorcing my SS also but I don't know how else to make DH understand the risk he is putting DS in or the control he is giving BM and SF. his SF already thinks he has more say than DH on custody and raising SS. What do I do and can I use this incident against DH in divorce court to get custody of my own children?

I think I am following your story. As far as protecting your SS, maybe you should call protective services.
As far as your own divorce, I'm not sure. I wouldn't advise you to be vindictive but you do have to protect your kids. If you'd report the SS in order to make your own case, that is wrong.

It has already gone through protective services. The SF was reported by the school and protective services dropped it once again. All together this is the BM and SF 4 report against them through the police station and social services. Each time protective services drops it and the case worker becomes friends with the mother. I do not want to be vindictive against my DH it's just that I am scared that after we divorce he will get with a woman and she will abuse my kids. I would not do anything to harm my SS cuz I love him to death and that is why I am looking at a divorce because my DH won't protect him. If my DH would get some balls when it comes to his ex like he does when it comes to me then we wouldn't be having this issue. My DH tells me that I won't get custody of my kids because I am not working and can't support them financially. I would never be a vindictive person, that's just not me. My DH would get to see our kids whenever he wants as long as I can protect them and if he doesn't feel comfortable with my kids being around anyone I am with then he has his say also and I would respect him for it. I wouldn't want my kids getting abused by any stepparents. These are our kids and he has just as much say as me but I wish he would do the same with my SS.

Well I found out today that the case is still with CPS and they are doing constant checks on his situation with his SF. Tonight my DH started the first part of protecting his son. He told the biomom that he was tired of the SF beating on his son and then the BM tried to say that we are abusing him and that my SS is afraid of me and doesn't want to come to our house for visits. Which is all a lie! He actually wants to move in with us. Tonight my hubby took the next step by making sure that DS would want to live with us before we put out a lot of money in lawyer fees and he does want to live with us. My husband then turned to me and told me to call a lawyer first thing monday!

I hate to hear about such complicated situations, especially when all you are trying to do is care for children you love (biologically yours or not). I would like everyone to be careful not to think that people are being vindictive... It is a responcible thing to learn of all of your options and some of them that will protect you will not have a positive conclusion for the spouce. That is not vindictive, it is just a natural consequence for doing something wrong. I don't think that you are wrong for considering leaving your husband because he was not protecting his child. I would not be able to respect a man like that or trust him to make good choices with our children either. I am glad to hear that there has been some positive progress with CPS and your husband saying that he will take action. Hang in there, try and be strong and don't let him go back on calling an attorney. He should be able to get a consultation within a week at the most. Don't let him put off making a choice on an attorney for too long (a week tops?) and insist on the attorney requesting the fastest court date possible. There will be time to get ready for court while you wait for a date, don't let your husband drag this out because your step son will be getting abused while he drags his feet. Every moment of that abuse will seem like a lifetime. I think it is wonderful that you are watching out for your step son!

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