Monday, April 10, 2006

His best friend

Honest, that's what he called me. He said I was the best friend he had, so he had to make sure things were worked out with me. What do you make of that?

As expected, he called back tonight. I'll spare you the color commentary and jump right into the Cliff's Notes version.

I explained myself a little more calmly. He's asking the impossible - for me to accept that he should take our children on a trip with his daughter (from the second marriage), his new girlfriend, and her son. For pity sake, they've been going out a very short time and they want to have this Big Happy Family trip with all the kids? How fair is that to the kids if this "just dating" thing doesn't work out? That's not even mentioning the appropriateness question.

Remove the girlfriend from the picture. I also don't believe he can handle the kids properly. Mr. Teenage Attitude can really push the limits. And he (my ex) is very insensitive to our daughter's viewpoint of everything. He's quickly forgotten the pain he inflicted when he sprung a new (and unpleasant) stepmom on them, quickly followed by a new baby. Those things don't go away so fast. And my daughter is particularly sensitive and that won't change. It's who she is.

The traveling thing is out for now. He does, however, want to spend more time with the kids. "I have to get your trust back," he said. Baby steps, because I'm hard to convince. I don't take chances with them.

For what it's worth, the new girlfriend had already suggested that he needed to spend more time with our daughter, doing things that interest her. So, she's seen the inequity, too. That must make it pretty hard for him to argue with me.

2 comments:

We get along for the most part. I mean, he does idiot things all the time, but we don't generally argue about them. It's just part of who he is. When the idiot things impact the kids, though, I get after him about it.

Otherwise, we've made an effort to keep things friendly for the sake of the kids. They need to feel comfortable, not like they are in the middle or some such nonsense.

It's difficult to butter me up. I have a pretty accurate BS meter!

Honestly, I think the girlfriend is telling him a lot about putting the kids first, which is good. He needs to hear more of that. I got an email from her today (surprised me!) and she has a level-headed outlook on how to date when kids are involved.