Saturday, July 15, 2017

Remember John Singleton's movie 'Boyz N the Hood?' (if you didn't see it, it's on you I'm not breaking shit down for you)

Remember one of the early scenes in the movie where Doughboy's mom is telling him "You ain't Shit, and you ain't never gone be shit" calling him a "Fat Fuck" and carrying on as if he wasn't even her child?

I often find myself wondering (when I watch that movie) how different DoughBoys life would have turned out had his mom just been a little more patient with him and nurtured him like she did his brother Ricky. Would he have taken on a "thug life?" Or would he have sharpened up and walked a straight line?

Well this post is not a movie review but the movie is a great helping guideline for what I want to discuss.

I've been thinking a lot lately about how important words are. Especially words from the people closest to us. Because, let's be honest, those are the words that matter the most. On the playground when dealing with bullies or kids that would tease us, we were taught to respond with "Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Oh how wrong they were. Yeah, it's true, words will never hurt you.... Physically! But words can be a Mother Fucker! I defy any adult reading this to tell me they've never been hurt by what a loved one said to them.

So I started thinking, it's very important that we are more patient with children. It's very important that we nurture them, encourage them and support their dreams. And the more I thought about it the more I realized that we need to carry on that same mindset (obviously not as sensitive) with adults. Words Do matter.

Think about your life, tell me: Do you love your job? Let's say you don't; how hard is it for you to get up out of your bed each morning? You dread the idea of your alarm going off so early, you having to get dressed, commute to work, usually with strangers you can't stand to get to a job you don't like to work with people who annoy you. Am I right?

How great would it be to have someone at your side telling you "Hey, it's just work, be positive, you'll be great, and you look amazing today." Sounds farfetched doesn't it? But is it really? Why does that have to be something out of the norm? I mean don't get me wrong, I'm the spokesman for: "life is not a fairytale, ain't nobody got time for all that shit, suck it up and get to it!" Not realizing that I've been callused because that's how it was for most of us growing up.

Our parents may not have been as harsh as Doughboys mother, calling us names and putting us down, but how often where they more nurturing and encouraged us to reach for the sky passed a certain age? I'm willing to bet not many.

The underlining reason for this post is: in thinking of all this I find myself thinking about myself and my dreams. I can't lie and say that I don't have support from certain people, I might even say many people. But as far as the people closest to me, I can count on one hand the ones who make me feel they believe in me. In fact my brother Rudy is probably the only one (as close as he is) that makes me feel like one day I'll make a career out of my passion.

I remember a time I'd asked my father for a few bucks because I was going to shoot a video for a friend of mine. In his typical fashion he lashed out at me and told me "I'm always hearing you talk about videos and photo shoots, but you never have money!" Implying that I'm wasting my time with a hobby. I'm sure he didn't mean it to be discouraging or mean, but those words hurt me. I also remember a time when someone asked my mom, an earshot away from me "Oh, he's a photographer?" To which my mom replied "Well, that's what he says!" Shit!

My mom has always been my best friend so I got over that quick, however those words really hurt!!

Now this post is not meant to express resentment for my parents, because I know them both very well and I know they only want the best for me, plus I don't resent them. And let's be honest anyone with foreign parents knows the deal. Nor is this post intended to make you feel bad for me, because trust me, I don't need your pity. But I am saying that to say as parents we need to be more nurturing. Not only when our children are babies, but throughout life. Again I'm not saying I need my back to be rubbed while you ask me "who's my baby" (Gross, get out of here) but just because we don't get star stickers next to our name charts anymore, doesn't mean that positive reinforcement isn't appreciated.

We have to be careful of telling our loved ones "You ain't shit, and you never gone be shit!" Because even if you try to sugar coat it, those words do hurt. Think of how your words effect the ones you love. Think of how they choose to carry those words. Think of how long they will carry them. Also think about where your words are coming from. Are you taking your own frustrations out on others?

It's true, I'm only responsible for what I say, not what you take from it, but how often does someone say something and you read deeper into it? Think about what you're saying and what's being taken. A simple "Ehh, whatever" (given the context of course) could be taken for "You're not good enough."

As people we like to carry on with a facade of being strong, and for the most part, I know we are, however it doesn't mean that we can't use a little boost of confidence through words of encouragement. I mean, what could it hurt, right? Support is free!

Friday, April 21, 2017

What's the word!?
If you know me then you know my motto is: "Life is Good." And really there's no reason for me to believe any different at the moment. However, I probably wouldn't be writing any of this if everything was peachy, right?

So what's new? Well a lot! I have to update the blog dedicated to my daughter cause a lot has happened in that regard as well. As for me? Well my problems aren't the greatest, but they are mine and so they feel like they are lol.
For starters, March was a super duper whack month. I rather not go into detail as to why, but things changed a bit. And it seems that it's not so much the whackness that has affected me but more so the bounce back. My job title at work change a bit and it came with way better hours! I'm no longer working a 4pm-12am shift and having to wait 3-4 hours for parking when I get home. Rather, I'm working a 9-5 like everyone else, but all good things come with some bad. For the security of my job, I won't put things about people on the internet, just know that all co workers aren't workers! Lol.

There's also the fact that I lost my best friend. Not like they died, but apparent;y we can't be friends anymore. Again, don't want to go into details but.... Whackness!
And to top it all off, it seems like I'm well on my way to being the one thing I prayed the hardest not to become, a weekend dad! Seems like my daughter will soon be a resident of Pennsylvania. A state that I am sure is God's punishment to the United States. And honestly, I'd move with her but I can't see myself commuting 5-6 hours out of my day. I'm sure ther'll be quite enough of that on the weekends.

But the sun always shines through the rain, it hasn't been all bad. One of my best friends from High School got married in Miami late last month. It was so beautiful to watch him exchange vows with the woman he loves and I was beyond honored to have been witness to such beauty and greatness.

And for the first time in a long time, my photography seems to be moving at a steady pace. I'cw had a photo shoot every weekend in the month of April and with a little luck and a lot of planning, I'm hoping to finish off the month the same way.

I don't even know If I've mentioned on the blog that I got a new car in July. It's cost me a pretty penny thus far and she's the reason I am currently devastatingly broke, but I love her and I hope I get to keep her for a very long time to come. She's a silver 1999 BMW 540i and I named her Sade. (All my cars will go on to be named after beautiful influential black women!) Pam Grier the Bimmer is gone, but hopefully one day in the future I can be reunited with her and treat her like I wanted to the first time around.

Other than all that, what can I say? Like the sun shining through the rain in April, "Life is Good" remains through the whackness.

Sunday, August 28, 2016

I don't wanna over write for this one so lets just get right into it.
For the longest time I've been telling myself that I'm getting off of FaceBook and gonna slowly wean myself off of social media all together. I've made absolutely no progress with either, but whatever.

That's not the point anyway. The point is the new trend that seems to be taking social media by storm is being "Woke" (Awoken/Enlightened by truth.)
If you are fortunate enough to not have encountered these people while scrolling through the screens of you social media app of choice, allow me to break it down for you.

Who are these people who are "Woke?" I'll tell you. A person who is woke, is a person who has found truth behind the curtains of lies that we as a people have been fed for the last lifetime. Lies fed to us by our government, food industries, Music Industries, or whatever industry. Basically, any person who has had the vial removed from their eyes, and is now realizing all the things that have been hidden from us forever and are now choosing to take their own path in life are considered to be woke.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. If you know me, then you know I am all for education of all kinds. And what better education than the one you receive when you do research, find out things that are beneficial to you and your community?! So my problem is not with the people in this era of enlightenment. In fact, I'm proud of those who are finally waking up and seeing the true colors of the world, be they dim as they may be.
Rather, my problem is the air of superiority that comes with this education. It would seem that these people have found the holy grail, and now have been granted some sort of permission to look down and everyone else who has yet to learn what they know. But the one thing they don't realize, the one thing they still haven't learned is: ALL These things that you're just now learning has been in existence since forever. Somewhere there was a guy in the 50's and 60's who discovered all these things, he just didn't have a computer and facebook to spread his message. However, I'm sure he didn't walk around with his chest out feeling as if he was better than everyone simply because he learned new things. There's a good chance he did what you all should be doing. Sharing the knowledge, in a non condescending manner.

Humble your fucking selves. It comes from all different angles. Some people are JUST NOW finding out about the corruptions in politics: and they go on Facebook and rant about how everyone is so stupid because they don't realize this or they don't know that. How about rather than making yourself out to be some sort of scholar you take the time to instead educate others on what you've learned.
Like I said earlier, I'm all for education in all forms. What I am not a fan of is this attitude, the superiority complex. We will never rise up as a people if we are not willing to help each other out, if we are not willing to teach those that come after us.

If you've learned anything, share it. Or don't if you feel you don't want to, but don't be a douchebag and make other people feel less than you are because of it.

Too often people are scared to bring people with them to the top, for fear that it may knock them off. If you are a valued player in any game then you shouldn't be scared to share that spotlight.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Seems like I only use this blog when I have an announcement to make these days. I hope you all understand the absence. I've simply been living life with very little desire to document much other than the posts on my InstaGram and Facebook pages.

But as I said: announcements. One of the things on my 5 year Plan has come to fruition. Finally after years of photography, I've finally put together a website to showcase my work.

It took some time because I'm not very tech savvy and I wanted it done right. I'm well aware of all the sites you can visit that are easy to use so that you can create your own website. But I didn't want any of that. I wanted a person who is well versed in the field of web design to take my ideas and bring them into reality.

So I sourced my boy Havi! The dude is nasty with anything computer related.

Prior to coming to him all I had was a photography blog (Tumblr) and while I purchased a domain name and the whole 9, well let's be honest a blog is not necessarily a website, at least not the way I wanted it.

So I linked with my boy, gave him a few references to use as a blueprint for what I wanted and within a few weeks it was done. He's just like me in the sense that all he needs is a basic idea to run with and then he spread the wings of his creativity.

When I sat down with him to see the final product it was more beautiful than I envisioned.

I am a huge fan of simplicity. And simplicity is what I got with the layout of my site.

About which is simply a short bio of myself with a little bit of history, the self explanatory Contact page. We even incorporated my aforementioned Blog which I love because it allows me to post images without having to follow any rules. Rules that I set myself of course but still rules.

So on the blog section I like to break down the details of the shoot. Who I worked with, what it felt like that day while shooting, etc. etc. and I put up about 6-8 edits from that shoot. Whereas on the site in the portfolios I only post one image from the shoot so as to keep it clean.

I created a new logo to accompany the site and it sits quietly on the top right hand corner. Sort of like cuff links it's the perfect accent without being too loud and overbearing.

All in all, I am beyond excited with the results. Havi did a phenomenal job and I feel as if this is one step closer to achieving my goals of being a full time photographer.

So if and when you get a chance, be sure to swing by. Let me know what you think and book your next shoot with me via the contacts page!! Lol

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

The other day a co worker (an older lady) said something along the lines of: you have to be at a job for at least 20 years.... I literally cringed!!

Now first and foremost allow me to say that I truly respect anyone who can hold a job that long. Lord knows my mother is one of those people. It is extremely admirable and it shows a level of commitment if not content to something. And that speaks volumes to ones character.
However, 20 years of my life is something that I am NOT willing to give to even the idea of employment to someone/anyone else.

I know myself too well, the longest I've ever been able to keep a job was almost 2 years and I threatened to quit that job every single Monday that I worked there. Thank God for Zairah for keeping me there.

And it's not that I'm above work, it's not that I wanna be a deadbeat bum. Nah, it nothing like that. The reality of it is, I'm an artist at heart. Creativity is what drives me. I have an entrepreneurial spirit and I so desire to work for myself. Make money off my passions whatever they may be.
I wasn't born to work 40 hours a week behind a desk at a job that I hate. In fact none of us were. But some of us can deal with it (those who have given their job 20 years) better than others.

We live in an era where you can almost make money of off anything. And while that may not be something to hang your hat on, I know I'd rather 5 short years of success on my own than a life time of employment to anyone else.

Again this is not an insult to anyone who has had their job for 20, 30, 40 years, in fact I commend you! Further more it's refreshing to know that, that kind of job security still exists. Much respect to all of you.

As for those of you who are like me; those of you who are creative and can't be tied down to anything that doesn't set you free. The ones who have leaped and taken the chance to make it on your own much respect to you as well. I wish you all the luck in all your endeavors.

Thursday, January 7, 2016

I can't imagine there's many of you left . And I don't blame those of you who have stepped away. The neglect I've treated my blog with is surely enough to drive me away as well. Lol.

But trust me folks, I am still blogging. However these days the posts aren't having the best luck leaving the note pad in my phone and finding their ways on to the pages of this blog.

However, I do have a few topics I want to share with you and I plan to throughout the course of the next couple of weeks. Needless to say, life has become a little more full than it has been in many years. I'm a dad now above all else (But I won't bore you with stories of fatherhood just yet because that's what FFZ is for) and I work an evening shift. In fact I'm blogging from work now. And I cannot tell you how strange it feels to be typing on an actual keyboard in front of a computer screen! Lol.

And I'm siure my supervisor is 10 feet behind me thinking "WTF is this nigga not working!?" Lmao. But it's almost 11pm. And 11pm is "Mentally clock out and Pretend to work" hour!

Anyway, I wanted to give ya a mini topic that has been on my mind for the passed couple of months. That topic ois progression.
One thing I NEVER do is make a New Year resolution. Mainly it's because I'm a proud under achiever. But it's also because I feel you shouldn't have to wait for the new year to arrive to start making changes. I mean, think about it, its October and you think to yourself "Come January, I'm gonna...." and then you die in November. Lord forbid of course, but you get my drift. However, I've always understood the concept. Understanding it didn't mean I was gonna do it though. Altough I did realize that my life needed a few changes for the better. So one thing I did do a few months ago, for the first time was write out a '5 Year plan.' Lol.

I laugh because as I'm writing this I'm realizing how much I've grown... I mean I JUST mentioned being an under achiever, and believe me I still am, but I see nopw that I can be an under achieber and still strive for something. In my case, the something in question is a better life for me and my family.

So I wrote out the 5 year plan. I'd heard people mention having one before and other suggesting that I should make one too and I never did because..... Again, under achiever. Lol
But one thing I know well about myself is: I do things when III want to do them, not when someone else tells me I should or suggests I should.
So, to be honest, I dodn't even remember when I worte the list out, but believe me when I tell you, having a goal(s) (especially written ones) really makes you want to achieve em. I hate cliches, but it's true. I mean shit, even Hov said it on "Anything" --"Set goals and you can achieve em." That nigga wasn't lying! Lol.

I put eight things on the list, and without even puttin forth much effort I accomplished two of them within the first 2 or 3 months. By month 6 I had crossed another off the list and just today I had a conversation with a friend who shares a similar interest and has a similar plan and just like that: the 4th thing is sure to be crossed off the list. I don't want to count my chickens early so I won't I'm only saying all of that to say that I am making slow progress, but I'm making progress nonetheless.

You'r probably wondering what the things on the list are, but another thing I've learned is to speak less and do more. Less announcement and more moves I believe is what Fabolous said! Lol.
Safe to say I've still been listenig to too much Hip-Hop.
No but seriously, I've felt myself accomplishing more in this passed year than I have in the passed 10. I know a big portion of it is the fact that I have a daughter now. I am the head of a family and that is thee most important factor of my life. Providing for them comes second to none.

I've also managed to start falling in love all over again.... With photography. Most may not know but I had a prime Lens on my primary camera that broke in December of last year. Due to financial issues and something always "Coming up" it took me an entire year to get it back but I got it back and I'm rolling again! I also bought a second hand 35mm film camera. A Canon AE-1 Program. I am now embarking on the same journey just taking a different route and the excitement I'm feeling is unmatched.

When its all said and done its safe to say that right now: Life is good. I'm enjoying every bit of my slow progress, I can't wait to knock more things off my list, add more, and just enjoy the ride!

For those of you who are still here with me, Thank You! I will have more topics to share and discuss in the upcoming weeks and months. For those of you who are done here, sorry.. Lol. But I'm still here and will be here for a while longer.

Sunday, September 6, 2015

"Yo I was scared of you, I would see you in the hallways and I swore that if I said the wrong thing to you I would get slapped"-Rebeca Moore

Son! What has happened to the Bull!? Lol

What's going on ya? That quote is from a girl I was good friends with in High School and college. It was in reference to my demeanor. She's since seemed to have disappeared off the face of the earth though. So if you see her or know where she may be tell her Eno said hello.

So the other day Buddy tagged me in this post.

The caption was something along the lines of "When you used to be tough but now you're a father" I laughed harder than.... I don't know what! I laughed because of the accuracy b! Lmao.

Check this out right: the quote you just read is only one of the many that I've heard in my day. I was always told I looked like I was going to slap someone, or was always told I need to smile and "Fix my Face" but what people failed to realize is that I was walking around with this screw face on purpose. I called it my "Outdoor Face" and I feel it protected me from a lot. Niggas handing out mixtapes, missionaries trying to get me to donate to some organization, people asking me for the time. You know, the bullshit!

However I think I might of lost some of that edge ever since Zairah was born. These days I'm smiling more, making silly ass baby voices and laughing at small shit. I think having a daughter has made me more inviting to people and I hate it. Lol

Case in point the other day at work, 3 completely different strangers felt comfortable enough with me to share life stories with me. I couldn't figure it out til I really stopped and thought about it. "Nigga you smiling at em, why wouldn't they stop and tell you about the last time they had to wait for the elevator!?" I was disgusted with myself. Lmao. Don't get me wrong I actually am a happy person and I always have been. Life is good! However I've made it this far because of my "Outdoor Face" it's kept strangers a little passed arms length and has served as a barrier between me and whatever sucker who felt he might want to test me. And it always worked. In fact I have a co-worker and good friend Bennie. Any time Bennie would see me in the hallway or coming back to the floor at work he would ask me "you ok man?" And I would reply "yeah why? What happened?" And he would proceed to tell me that I looked angry or like I wanted to kill someone. He hasn't asked me if I'm ok in reference to a mean look on my face in months. Lol

Nah G! I gotta get my ice grill back to what it was. I must be listening to too much Justin Timberlake and not enough Wu-Tang! But I'm about to bring back the mother fuckin ruckus! Tiger style! Lol

So what is it? I mean like I said Life is Good b. Maybe at some point I told myself out loud and just started smiling and laughing and making people think I'm some sweet ass Santa Clause type nigga. Maybe it's my job, you know how it is at work, they always want you smiling and making others comfortable. And to that I say "Fuck outta here, Fam!" Lol. Or maybe having a beautiful daughter has just softened me up! But how the hell am I supposed to put the fear of God in little boys with a smile on my face?

So last night Buddy asked if I had a black bandana or if I still had my prop gun. I looked at him with shame in my eyes. "Nah man, I ain't got none of that shit no more. I'm a father now b. I got rattles and a rubber ducky if you need it, but I need em back before bath time tomorrow. I'm a father now g!" We both laughed so hard! Damn son, I'm a father now. I used to be tough........

Lol! So I hereby vow to get back my "Outdoor Face" everyone from hoes to doctors will feel like they'll catch 5 hot fingers to the face if they even lock eyes with me. I'm gonna be tougher than Ving Rhames in those ADT commercials. Put a lil more bass in my voice and walk just a little bit stronger! No more jolly fat boy with the pillsbury dough boy laugh! Straight Thug Life nigga! Lol. Only those who know me personally will see the me for the gentle giant that I truly am.

So if you see me in the street, go the other way you heard. I ain't as friendly as you think! Lol

Who is Eno Bull?

Welcome to my Blog folks. I will be your host Eno Bull. So who is Eno Bull you ask yourself... I am nothing more than a heavily opinionated young man with aspirations of someday owning my own company and being a great photographer. I was born and raised in The Bronx (BX STAND UP!) and writing has always been my escape from reality.
The reason I've created this blog is because (Like I said) I am highly opinionated and love to write but I feel that now-a-days a person whose opinion differs then that of the norm (which mine always do) is all but outcasted. Another reason is because I love to share my thoughts but I know not everyone wants to hear them so I figured why not have a blog so only those who want to know whats on my mind will know. With all that said welcome to Tha Bull Pen.