West Coast Ladies: Come Steam Your V

One must concede that California – Los Angeles in particular – has a tenancy to be a tad quixotic in their thinking. In a land filled with supererogatory spa treatments and natural healing techniques, a spa center in Santa Monica has taken it to a new level.

As reported by the Los Angeles Times, the westside establishment, Tikkun Holistic Spa, is now offering ladies a Korean treatment known as ‘chai-yok’, which is a steam bath for your – yup you guessed it – vagina.

Here’s how it works according to AOL News: “The client squats over a special wooden stool that has a hole in the seat as a warm, steamy mixture of brewed herbs rises up into her privates for a truly unique cleansing process.” Huh? So, I’m picturing some fairy tail like scene and a bidet that only Mother Nature could create filled with sacred tea and pixy dust.

Even though spa owner, Niki Han Schwarz, just began offering the ‘V-Steam’, she says “it’s been around for 600 years in Korea, but it’s new to us in the west. Traditional Korean spas have always offered chai-yok, and Korean women get it done regularly.”

Why are women doing this? Well, the simple answer to that is, because they can!.. Which is good enough for me. What’s a visit to the spa without a warm squirt to your hoo-ha? But, according to Schwarz, there are salubrious effects. “All of the herbs in the tea are antifungal and antibacterial. They rid your body of toxins and pesticides, fight infections and even help clear up hemorrhoids. Your body also aches less after you’ve had a few steams,” she says. Listen, I don’t know about you, but if I have a medical problem, I’ll take antibiotics over a magical splash to the crotch any day.

However, not everyone is as big a believer as Schwarz. In an interview with the LA Times, Dr. Suzanne Gilberg-Lenz, a gynecologist at Women’s Care of Beverly Hills Medical Group, said that “while steaming the vagina could boost circulation and blood flow to the nether-regions, it’s hard to evaluate whether or not chai-yok has any real clinical benefits.”

Schwarz told AOL News that, “I’ve had some women say they get the best orgasms from it.” There it is! That’s the benefit we all know has a direct coloration with the “positive response”. It’s not the detoxification. Humans are simple creatures. I have news for you, if there was a restaurant that gave away orgasms with their meals… guess what, the food could suck but people would still say it was a great restaurant.

Here’s how I see it. The Tikkun Holistic Spa charges customers $50 for a ‘V-Steam’ treatment. I’m sure I saw that same thing available at this lovely brothel in Nevada for $30. And don’t worry guys. There’s room for you at this spa too which also offers the ‘A-Steam’. I’ll give you one guess what the “A” stands for. And if you don’t get it… you’re an “Ass.” Of course Schwarz claims, “one man got the steam right before going into surgery for hemorrhoids and he said it helped clear him up.” Here we go again… She went on to mention, “The cleansing has been pretty popular among gay guys in the area too.” Sure, let’s just call San Francisco a “hemorrhoid conscious town.”

I have no problem with people squirting whatever they want, wherever they want, and with whoever they want… but spare me the medical benefit slant. If you are doing something that brings you to orgasm or even sexual arousal that happens to minimally benefit you health wise, that is not the reason people are doing it. Hell, that’s not even a tertiary reason. That’s like saying, “But officer, the hooker was relieving stress resulting in lower blood pressure.”