Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum sonatur. Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound. The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers.

The original meal has never been found. The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money. My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem.

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing.

Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger. Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. They can only give you answers.

There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have. The bad news is time flies.

The little I know I owe to my ignorance. The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists to adapt the world to himself.

Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man. In God we trust; all others bring data. The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference. My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular.

Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere. In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. Before you go and criticize the younger generation, just remember who raised them.

Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see. It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired thinking. English, by comparison, is a shameless whore. Unlocking the Poet Within. I have read like a man on fire my whole life because the genius of English teachers touched me with the dazzling beauty of language.

Petersburg and lassoed a steer in "Lonesome Dove" and had nightmares about slavery in "Beloved" and walked the streets of Dublin in "Ulysses" and made up a hundred stories in the Arabian nights and saw my mother killed by a baseball in "A Prayer for Owen Meany.

I cherish and praise them and thank them for finding me when I was a boy and presenting me with the precious gift of the English language.

I will teach you in my verse Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse. I will keep you, Suzy, busy, Make your head with heat grow dizzy.

Now I surely will not plague you With such words as plaque and ague. But be careful how you speak: Say break and steak, but bleak and streak; Cloven, oven, how and low, Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.