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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Dashing to the storeBut the trees cakes aren't OKCandy cane "no go"Franklin all the way"Lights" in an odd stringThat "tree" just ain't rightThe stocking's wrong and ball cake has an awful case of blight.

O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,You are so ever changing;O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,Your look they keep rearranging;Sometimes a squiggle, sometimes a plop.Can I close my eyes and make it stop?O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,Of all the trees least lovely,O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,I hope I make a complete recovery.Each year you bring to me a fright,A bakery horror for Christmas night.O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,You’re just not lookin’ lovely.Though you are green, that’s about it,The bakers can’t make you for sh*t.O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,You just are so estranging….

Hey, you have to give props to the eighth baker for standing by the courage of her convictions, and giving us a bloody cross, complete with drips. It may be the wrong holiday, but he/she didn't back down...The shrubbery is a little confusing, though. Too many Monty Python movies with eggnog?

Twas the week before Christmas, and looking onlineNot a baker is getting the shape of the pineThose ‘stockings’ would not fit on anyone’s footNever mind getting filled with the kids’ Christmas loot

Pink and white-striped C-C-Cs – ‘ptooie!’ we callAren’t quite as disturbing as cake with a ballOr blue and red splodges that represent lightsA real cornucopia of festive delights

Now Flotsam! Now Jetsam! Now Plastic and Sprinkles!On Cupcakes! On Cookies! On Candles Like Winkles!On the top of the tree goes a six-pointed star!Dash away, dash away! These wrecks are too bizarre!

A basic triangle, all coloured in greenIs all that we wanted, but not what was seenA lack of geometry knowledge, it seemsCan only result in some bad Christmas dreams.

But never despair, Wrecky followers all!There’s a Christmas tree shape on the last one of all!It’s not pretty or sweet, but at least the shape’s right!So Merry Christ Sam to all, and to all a goodnight!

On the third one down, I sang Jen's line: (I see the side silhouette of Ben Franklin. You?) to the tune of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody. Anyone else? And how does someone take a perfect bite out of icing, but not affect the icing underneath or the cake???

Ding dong merrily with pie,And cakes with words, not sprinkles,Ding dong verily we cry,"Add Santas, trees and twinkles".Fro-o-oo-o-oo-o-o-osting,We'll ice it for your pleasure,Fro-o-oo-o-oo-o-o-osting,you'll get a cake you'll treasure!

#6 - I would buy the chimney explanation (though not the cake) if it weren't for the plastic candy canes sticking out of the "brick" base... of course, their placement doesn't make any sense for a stocking, either. Like the penguins, though.

The only word that comes to mind for #7 is just "splop".

I rather like the wheel on #9 - it's like the blobby tree is riding a unicycle. Please tell me those aren't real glass lights, though.

In the last one, I hope Sam T. and Chris both stay merry through the season - after all, they got the only passable tree of the bunch!

I liked the candy cane boomerang lol. As for the trees.. have they never seen a tree before? I think they just want to do this to us on purpose so we die laughing before Christmas. Wow. Nearly worked on me lol.

Today I thougt I'd ask my three-year-old for help identifying these wrecks (I thought since there is a resemblance to the paintings hanging in his kindergarten class he might be able to interpret for me). This is what he had to say:

1) a house2) stripes and poison berries3) a summer tree4) drops of berry puree5) a tree with fruit6) a face with white hair7) ice cream8) a ball of yarn9) a green street with flowers and zebra stripes and a ball10) poison mushrooms11) a christmas tree

Cake 1: Just so messed up.Cake 2: What the heck kind of candy cane is THAT?Cake 3: I feel bad for that messed up tree.Cake 4: Seriously?Cake 5: It IS an upside down Sid the Sloth!Cake 6: At first I thought that was a messed up Santa sleigh.Cake 7: No comment.Cake 8: I thought that was a cross.Cake 9: Oh my God.Cake 10: Those don't even DESERVE to be candles!Cake 11: What. The. Heck?!?!?!?!?!