I’m Over It

Toussaint MorrisonAugust 29, 2017 CultureOrgyComments Off on I’m Over It

Give me a human who knocks over someone’s sandcastle and then says they only did it because they were in a bad place, and now they’ve found God, so there’s no way they’ll ever knock over another sandcastle- and I’ll give you a 2nd shot.

Give me the same human who knocks over several more sandcastles, and I’ll show you a sociopath.

However, give me someone who sets something on fire, and then says they lit the fire because they wanted to watch said object burn, then I’ll show you a righteous evil doer.

In this relegation of judgment, Jon Bones Jones falls in the middle as the sociopath. After dealing a death kick to the right temple of Daniel Cormier’s head, we relished that we had finally been handed the truth: Jones was the rightful heir to the Light Heavyweight Throne all along. No doubts, shit talk, or subtle questions floated about the streets. Coming back from a year-long suspension for failing a USADA performance-enhancing drug test finding Clomiphene in Jones’ system, we eagerly waited for over 2 years for him to finally clash with Daniel Cormier, the then Light Heavy champ, for the belt. Now, Jones has been popped for Turinabol, an anabolic steroid used by the East German Olympic team throughout the 70’s and 80’s, I’m done.

Jones got popped for Clomiphene in 2016, and his fng alibi was “hey, I took dick pills. The pills were probably tainted with Clomiphene”, and then presented USADA with a receipt for said “dick pills” as a gesture of “hey, I bought these! Whoops, made a mistake”. Only problem is the receipt also had flat out “CLOMIPHENE” on it as well, so what in the name of sweet baby Lucifer would convince officials that Jon Jones didn’t purposely take Clomiphene with fully disclosed evidence that damning.

The Clomiphene aside, Jones was given a year suspension, an immediate title fight, and a paycheck worth a lifetime of redemption… and he went and pissed it all away (no pun intended). Next, per usual, Jones will offer up anything to deny wrong doing. Of course there was the driving under the influence and crashing into a pregnant woman, and the failed drug test finding cocaine in his system, and now this. And I’d honestly let it all fall with a little less weight upon my ears if he just fessed up and openly admitted, “Yes! Yes, I did it! I did the cocaine because it’s a helluva drug.” Just go full Cersei with your actions and lay it out there, “No, I don’t care for the world being a better place. I’m a human with some real vices, and hell yes I am absolutely flawed, but I go out there and murk fighters on the spot because I’m the pound-for-pound greatest MMA fighter of all time.”

Alas, Jones doesn’t do this. He dodges accountability, thanks God, and then blocks folks on Twitter who demand an answer for how he got popped for Turinabol. And let’s get into that for a second… Turinabol is a Class C Felony if you’re found in possession of it! This isn’t an estrogen blocking roid mask, this is the really real hardcore stuff used by fng power lifters. You don’t just accidentally wind up with Turinabol in your blood. It’s an extremely tough chemical to detect in that if you get prescription-grade Turinabol, it lasts for 2 to 4 hours. However, Turinabol is outrageously illegal, so those who usually use it, buy it off the black market where it’s most likely laced with some otherworldly jazz that lingers in your system longer than you’d like it to (i.e. Jon fng Jones).

At the end of the day, I’m not entirely thrown about Jones cheating. I’m thrown that he’ll most likely make a public statement that it was from a tainted supplement, he’s not responsible for it, and he’ll thank God for the “real friends” he has that believe in him. Aye, Jones was better meant for Pride Fighting Championships circa late 90’s and early 2000’s. He’s one of the greatest fighters we’ve ever seen, one of the most illegitimate champions we’ll ever watch fight, and one of the mightiest disappointments in MMA history. The man that defeated himself, Jon Jones.

On the bright side, Cormier, who literally can’t remember 10 minutes of his life following the PlanetKiller kick to his head from Jones, will be re-crowned as the true champion of the Light Heavyweight division. However, I doubt he’ll sleep any better, still wondering if Jones hadn’t juiced, would the fight have gone any different. We’ll never know.