Soap Story

This is a true story of correspondence that took place
between a hotel guest and the staff. The hotel who submitted this
has a policy of giving free soap to all of its guests.
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Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in
my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please
remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the
medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are
in my way. Thank you.
S. Berman
Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow,
Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the
shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I
took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in
case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I
left today which are my standing instructions from the management.
I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy, Relief Maid
Dear Maid -- I hope you are my regular maid,
Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her
concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room
this evening I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf
under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for
two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need
those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my way
when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.
S. Berman
Dear Mr. Berman,
My day off was last Wednesday so the relief maid left 3 hotel
soaps which we are instructed by the management. I took the 6
soaps which were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap
dish where your Dial was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet
for your convenience.
I did not remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always
placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which
you did not object to when you checked in last Monday. Please let
me know if I can be of further assistance.
Your regular maid, Dotty
Dear Mr. Berman,
The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder informed me this A.M.
that you called ham last evening and said you were unhappy with
your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I
hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If
you have any future complaints please contact me so I can give it
my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8 A.M. and 5
P.M. Thank you .
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
Dear Miss Carmen,
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the
hotel for business at 7:45 A.M. and don' t get back before 5:30
P.M. That's the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night - you
were already off duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do
anything about those little bars of soap. The new maid you
assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today, since
she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along
with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bathroom shelf. In
just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why
are you doing this to me?
S. Berman
Dear Mr. Berman,
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap
to your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further
assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8:00 A.M. and 5:00
P.M.. Thank you.
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
Dear Mr. Kensedder,
My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken
from my room including my own bath-size Dial. I came in last last
night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere
Bouquets.
S. Berman
Dear Mr. Berman,
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap
problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room
since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time
they service a room. The situation will be rectified immediately.
Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.
Martin L. Kensedder, Asst. Manager
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came
in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54
little bars of Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial.
Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in here. All I want is my
bath-size Dial. Please give me back my bath-size Dial.
S. Berman
Dear Mr. Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them
removed. Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap
was missing so I personally returned them - the 24 Camays which
had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily.
I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously
your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so she
also broguth 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know
where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was
able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap
inventory. As of today I possess:
On shelf under medicine cabinet -
18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
On Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
On bedroom dresser -
7 Cashmere Bouquet in 1 stack of 3 & 1 stack of 4, 1 hotel-
size bath-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
Inside medicine cabinet -
14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
In shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
On northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
On northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the
stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that
stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that
my bedroom window sill, which is not in use, will make an
excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more item, I have
purchased another bar of bath-size Dial which I am keeping in the
hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.
S. Berman