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Friday, March 9, 2018

Should I Continue with the Marriage Plan or Reconsider my Step?

Hello Madam, Thanks for the way you are touching lives positively, it's indeed a great contribution to our society. Please, keep it up and more grace!I have something that's disturbing me and I consider it pertinent to share it with you and your fans for a candid advice.Am a 38 years old Seaman, who is into a marital relationship with a 27 years old lady, who's currently doing her Youth service from my house (Though, she's not happy because she prefers an accommodation in the staff quarters of the school where she's serving due to the distance and stress but because she goes to school only twice in a week and teaches once in a week, I asked her to be going from my house which is her future home and to learn any skill of her choice. I do give her between #20,000 to #40,000 on monthly basis to support her Allowee).It was a very good friend of mine that recommended her for me, we got talking, I found her interesting and we met, spent some quality time together and I was impressed by her personality.But we have the underlisted challenges:1. My job is six(6) months on and two(2) months off, although, she could visit me at least three times during my six(6) months period.2. Am a Catholic and she's a Presbyterian but we agreed that she will join me, of which she is learning Catholic faith now.

3. Age difference, I am eleven years other than her.

We had serious and frank heart-to-heart talk on the aforementioned challenges and she assured me that she can stay for me.

Then, I introduced her to my family and we went to her family, did first introduction (knocking on the door), collected list to marry her this coming December.

I equally threw a surprised engagement party and gave her a ring as a sign of commitment, but to my greatest surprise, she doesn't wear the ring, even if she wants to wear it, she'll place it on the third finger of her right hand which doesn't symbolise engagement, and honestly, it's so annoying to me.

Though, I am at work offshore but I do see it from her pictures because she's internet lover and posts virtually everyday either on Facebook or WhatsApp status.

I asked her jokingly " that something that means a lot to us was missing in the picture she posted" she pleaded with me that she forgot it at home.

Another day that I corrected her for putting it on wrongly on the right-hand instead of the left-hand, she opened up that she doesn't want to be wearing the ring now, till about 2-3 months to our wedding, that she didn't plan her life to wear a ring for too long and she jokingly added " I don't want to turn the lord's of ring", she equally cited her abovementioned reason as even why she hasn't posted it on Facebook and changed her status.

But funny enough, she always complain that guys disturb her everywhere she go, local government, school and even in my street.

Even, she used to send me a snapchat of her fellow corper who was asking her out, but when she visited me at my place of work, I asked her to show me their chat and let me see how she's responding to him that led to the continuous disturbance. Behold, I discovered that they chat almost everyday and she's already fond of him or happy with him, which led the guy to initiating any kind of dirty talk, like " I'll spank your bom bom, she asked the guy with what? The guy said my tongue" I was disappointed and registered my displeasure, she knelt down, begged me and blocked the guy, and I forgave her.

I am going home next month for my two(2) months vacation and I intended seeing a priest for us to commence our marriage course, but this my discovery has created fear in me, I'm seeing the development as a red flag...

Please, should I continue with the marriage plan or reconsider my step?

Note: she is still going to school from my house, not being herself citing that we are not married and December is still far.

From your mail, I feel that she doesn't necessarily seem to be in a committed relationship with you as much as you are with her.

Secondly, her attitude suggests that she may not be emotionally prepared for the kind of commitment that you desire from her or that she is not genuinely in love with you as much as you love her.

It seems as though she's sitting on the fence trying to choose between a man who wants to marry her and possibly a man she's in love with.

No matter what you do for a lady to win her affection and possibly show her how committed you are, if she's not into you, she will most likely hurt you with time.

Now, here is what I suggest you should consider.

1. Don't rush her into marriage, it will only make you unable to know the lady you are getting married to, especially when both of you haven't spent considerable time to nurture your friendship together.

2. Consider reducing the whole pressure of marriage by letting her go for whatever she feels is best for her, and secondly give her some time to reveal her real identity or feeling for you.

3. Make out time to have a heart-to-heart discussion with her, and point out your fears and concerns about her attitude to her. There is no need pretending to be cool, when in reality you do not connect with her on many levels.

4. Find out her personal feelings, fears, and thoughts about your intention and her concerns about them. Do not impose things on her, but let her open up, and then share her struggles with you, so that both of you can work on them, and decide what's best for both of you.

Give your relationship some time, and get to know this lady better, so that you can decide whether she's the kind of lady you desire to build your home with or you not.

1 comment:

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