Now that she has recklessly maneuvered her way through reality television and pornography, only to stand before us claiming that she never wanted this life that she’s built before our very eyes, Farrah Abraham has finally delivered the greatest achievement of her career. Not only has she jumped head first into the shallow end of pop music like reality TV pioneers Heidi Montag, Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian before her, but Abraham has managed to give us a dance track that is so laughably horrendous and awful that I can only pray that someone steps forward and claims it as a joke.

First and foremost, the song is entitled, “BLOWIN” as if we weren’t already being challenged to come up with every joke imaginable about Abraham’s faux-celebrity. But forget the title. Forget everything you know about pop music leading up to this moment. The video that you’re about to watch – should you even be able to muster the courage and testicular fortitude to watch for more than 10 seconds – is going to blow your mind. If someone made this video as a joke, it might be the funniest joke ever told. But if this video was made with all sincerity, in order to attempt to turn this young woman into an actual pop star, then it is definitely the funniest joke ever told.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you “BLOWIN,” the worst song that you will hear this month, possibly this year and maybe even in your life.

To be honest, I could barely understand a word in this entire video, so here are the lyrics for you to read in case you haven’t already died from laughter.

Let me get that air
That breeze
The wind I need ,
Im blowin (I’m blowin)
All these bullies away

Let me get that air
That breeze
The wind I need ,
Im blowin (I’m blowin)
All these bullies away

Celeburty -Celeburty -Celeburty
Being yourself is makin you famous

Live and learn
Be better then normal
Make those mistakes
Your blowin ( your blowin) all their minds away
(Appearance, Sexuality, Ability)

Casted out
Now your standin out
Like a star
Be true to you
Topin all the charts

Let me get that air
That breeze
The wind I need ,
Im blowin (I’m blowin)
All these bullies away (REPEAT!)

CelebURty -CelebURty –CelebURty
CelebURty -CelebURty -CelebURty

Being yourself is makin you famous

All these ups
And downs
With the best
Support around
(Following, Friend requestin, Fan pages)
Bein a star
Is better then
Not knowin (not knowin)
Who your are

Let the hate stack up
Positivity push through
Being you (Bein You)
Take your time,
(Have the last laugh)
It’s your time

Being ourselves made us famous

Let me get that air
That breeze
The wind I need,
I’m blowin (I’m blowin)
All these bullies away (REPEAT!)

Let me get that air
That breeze
The wind I need,
I’m blowin (I’m blowin)
All these bullies away

CelebURty -CelebURty –CelebURty

Let me get that air
That breeze
The wind I need,
I’m blowin (I’m blowin)
All these bullies away

They sit around waiting for celebrities to need their kids taken away, then slide down a CPS pole (kind of like a bat-pole but with less of Burt Ward’s sexy legs), jump into a zebra striped Ferrari, and race to the CelebURty’s home.

The most amazing thing about this video is that some people attached (presumably) their real names to the credits at the end. If one does enough e or molly does would this simply sound like the rest of the forgettable shit passing itself off as electronic music these days?

Y’all, she put out an entire ALBUM a few years ago. It’s on Spotify and it’s so abrasive and ridiculous it qualifies as outside art. If they wanted to do another smokeout a la Waco, it’d be the ideal soundtrack.

In the tradition of “Will it Blend?” and “Will it Crush?”, Farrah’s next business venture will be a series of pay-per-view videos titled “Will it Fit?” The series will revolve around sex toys and other common and not-so-common items and whether or not they will fit inside her.