I think most people are a little scared of morning sickness. It can leave us feeling like we’ve just run two marathons in a row, when all we’ve really accomplished is a feeble walk from our bed to the couch. It can surprise us during an important meeting with the realization “Huh. The smell of paper makes me vomit.” And then one day, it packs up and leaves and we forget all about the ghastly beast that interrupted our well-being for a few weeks.

But there is morning sickness, and there is MORNING SICKNESS. The all-caps version sticks around all day and all night, despite the hours of operation clearly stated in its name, only departing upon baby’s sweet arrival. In Erika’s case, however, there is morning sickness, and there is MORNING SICKNESS, and then there is Hyperemesis Gravidarum. I hope none of you experience this. But if you ever do, you are not alone.

Here’s Erika Weaver’s harrowing story, and her very happy endings. Yes, endings. Three cases of Hyperemesis Gravidarum and three boys as reward! Welcome, Erika!

It was the Christmas of 2007 and the smell of the homemade tamales, a holiday tradition in my husband’s family, made me feel a little queasy. A few days before I had had a similar reaction to another food. We both decided it was time to take a pregnancy test since we had been trying to conceive. And, no surprise, we were pregnant!

I had felt off here and there for a couple of weeks, but sort of relished in this tangible sign of the of the life inside. Somewhere around nine to 11 weeks, the morning sickness turned into all day, all night sickness. I was sensitive to any food or human produced smell. I had a hard time eating anything and was using all of my energy to stay hydrated and keep up with my duties as a graduate student at the local university. On top of the constant nausea came the frequent bouts of vomiting – typically six to ten times per day. At the peak of sickness, even the sight or thought of food was enough to trigger it. I learned a lot about throwing up: what was least offensive coming back up, how awful it is to vomit bile…you get the picture.

I mentioned the sickness to my doctor who had noticed weight loss. He decided to monitor my weight and prescribe some anti-nausea medication. It didn’t work so I steered clear of it. I kept losing weight, but I tried not to complain. I truly thought that it was only slightly worse than what millions of other pregnant women experience. However, I adamantly swore, mostly mid-vomit, that this would be our only child! Somewhere around 20-24 weeks I started to feel a little better and I thought I was in the clear until my 26th week. I felt the nausea rising and knew that I had to get to the bathroom quick. As I walked there I passed out and fell directly onto my belly. Fortunately, my husband was in the room and we headed straight for the ER where we spent the day monitoring the baby. Did I mention this happened to fall on our first wedding anniversary!? Our first baby boy arrived a few months later and almost instantly I had infant induced momnesia, where you forget just enough to want to do it all over again!

When we started trying for our second child, we fully expected this pregnancy would be easier. While we were on a family vacation our soon-to-be second son made it very clear that it would not be any easier. He was a fire-cracker even then! It was so early a test would not have been able to confirm the pregnancy and I was already terribly sick! This time there was no gradual increase of intensity that my first pregnancy had; it went from zero to ten quickly and stayed there. This time around we had a two-year-old to care for, as well.

At only five weeks along I was begging my doctor for stronger medication in hopes that I could keep caring for my son. None of it was working. By this point, I had talked to other mothers and realized that what I had experienced the first time around and what I was experiencing now was not typical morning sickness. With the little energy I could muster, I did a quick internet search and came across something called Hyperemesis Gravidarum.

Hyperemesis is severe nausea and vomiting during pregnancy accompanied by weight loss, electrolyte disturbance, dehydration, malnutrition, etc.. Many people will recognize it as the illness Kate Middleton has while pregnant. Many cases go undiagnosed because women don’t know that what they are going through is anything other than expected, and many doctors either don’t recognize or don’t treat it properly. It is difficult to convey how nauseous you feel — you can’t measure it like contractions, for instance. Instead, diagnosis is dependent upon other symptoms like weight loss and dehydration.

While I was not excited by the reality of having Hyperemesis, I was comforted by the fact that there was a name for this and it was not all in my head. I would not wish this illness on anyone. However, I did find comfort in the fact that other women and families had weathered the same storm…and survived. Upon gathering more information, both clinical and anecdotal, I knew that since medication was unsuccessful we needed to try hydration therapy.

The highlights of my second pregnancy include: two hospital stays, a 20 pound weight loss, PICC line hydration and vitamins to keep the baby healthy, constant nausea and frequent vomiting despite treatment, a possible PICC line infection, my equal partner becoming my caretaker, and a repeat performance of the passing out, although no anniversaries were harmed this time around. Worst of all, I had to relinquish the full-time care of my son to others.

It was ultimately the best and safest choice for my son. Fortunately, we have a very supportive family who took over the job of parent so that my husband could continue to work. We are eternally grateful to the help and care they provided, especially my father-in-law who moved from another state to be the primary caregiver. Regardless of our gratitude, admitting that I could not be a mother to my son was the hardest thing I have ever done. It felt like an impossible choice; be a mother to the baby inside of me or be a mother to the baby outside of me.

I spent the majority of my days alone in bed with my IV and Netflix while life went on about me. I learned quickly the overwhelming feelings of shame, guilt, loneliness, and depression that come with Hyperemesis. Things like this would run through my head: Why can’t I just push through this? Is it all in my head? What milestones or sweet moments am I missing with my son today? Will my marriage survive this? How will it look after this? What if we lose this baby? How would we ever overcome that? What if the baby is unhealthy because I can’t give him what he needs? What if we lose this baby? Would life go back to normal? Would I be able to cuddle and play with my two-year-old again?

The last one always hurt the worst because this baby was so very wanted and loved. I would feel it in the depths of my loneliness and on really hard days. I had to constantly remind myself that all of this was temporary. I would try to reserve as much energy as possible to hug and kiss my two-year-old before bed — after bath, of course, because let’s be honest: little humans don’t always smell sweet! — without getting sick in front of him. I would pray that that those tiny moments of big effort were enough to suffice.

If you can believe it, we willingly signed-up for round three! I know, so many people can’t understand it, but when I look at the faces of my three sons I can’t fathom one of them missing. The third time around we were very realistic in preparing: arranging childcare prior to even attempting to get pregnant, knowing that we would exceed our insurance deductible, hiring someone to clean the house, etc. Fortunately, my third pregnancy was more like my first so it was not as physically hard. The doctor opted for peripheral IVs this time around, which meant I was poked every three days or so and looked like a pin-cushion. I had learned to get to the ground when I felt faint or severely nauseous, so I didn’t fall when I passed out this time. An improvement!

I have been blessed with easy deliveries for all three of my boys. I have been able to deliver each of them naturally without intervention. I consider it a gift after all of the interventions that are necessary during the pregnancies. Maybe my body is so cooperative because it knows it won’t be pregnant anymore! While on the smaller side, our children have arrived mostly unscathed by all of the tumult that accompanied their growth.

The realities of being pregnant make adding to our family a hard decision. Apart from logistics, my husband and I have learned to keep a sense of humor about things. It lessens the strain Hyperemesis puts on our relationship. I often joke that the only way I get a break around here is to get pregnant, or if I want to lose a few pounds I tell him to knock me up again. We have found that smiling and laughing can help diffuse the fear and anxiety. Once that happens, we can focus on the blessings that come from the sacrifice.

As a mother, I have to make a conscious decision not to parent from the guilt of the things we missed as a family while I was pregnant. It doesn’t do any of us any good. We remind each of the boys exactly what we love about them and how important they are to our family. At the end of the day, my husband and I have never wavered on the importance of us giving them each other.

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Oh, Erika! You are a trooper with her eye on the prize, aren’t you? Three prizes, to be exact! I’m happy everything worked out well, including your relationship. Hardships like this do tend to strain an otherwise strong relationship, don’t they?

Who else has been affected by Hyperemesis Gravidarum? I bet it’s hard to have a condition like that, and have well-meaning people offer up remedies that worked for them! Or reassure you that it’ll all be over in a few weeks, or even suggest you’re over-reacting! Oh, that would be tough. If you’ve got your own experiences to share with other readers, please do! You know I love what you have to say.

(Hyperemesis is real. If you or someone you know is struggling with Hyperemesis you are not alone. HER Foundation is a great resource for women, friends and family, and healthcare professionals.)

P.S. – Find all the stories in this series here. Do you have a story about birth, pregnancy, adoption or infertility? Send your story to me, will you please?

I can relate to Erika! I was so sick while pregnant that I threw up EVERYTHING – even water came back up still cold. I took Dyclectin for morning sickness which helped a little but also made my brain fuzzy and my skin crawl. I had an IV once for rehydration, but somehow managed to survive on almost nothing for months. And crazy as it sound, I went on to have 5 healthy children. With each pregnancy the severity was the same, but the length of extreme sickness lessened by a month, so by number 5 I was “only” sick for a few months. This is the first time I have heard a real name for the sickness that actually matches my experience – and somehow it really feels validating! Thanks for sharing your story. I can really empathize with the depression, guilt and exhaustion that accompanies such severe sickness. There were times that I was so depleted that I lay on the bathroom floor completely resigned and willing to die. Thankfully, those moments did not last. But, like Erika, my deliveries were quick and uncomplicated (for the most part) and I have a healthy, beautiful family as a result. It was all worth it!

HDH.

Oh, wow, do I relate to this! We stopped at 2 children because there was simply no way I would survive another pregnancy (and delivery, also bad). That second pregnancy was a major act of faith. The results, however, are priceless and I am so very, very grateful.

Emme

I had HG and I only know of two other friends who had it, it’s nice that it’s getting a little more attention, because I think most women think they had a little morning sickness too. I spent my first trimester going to the ER to get fluids, but I just assumed that I was having the same experience as other women. I threw up every day for 20 weeks, had a break for about six and then it continued even through delivery. I was so weak and there were some days I just propped myself up at work. I still don’t know how those days happened.

My daughter June is almost 8 months old and I have double the energy I had through HG, even with the lack of sleep. It’s worth it. I would do it again, I just need a few years to come back to life, fully.

Elisabeth

I read your Story and I am overwhelmed with feelings…I am a mother of eight! The Last two are Twins.
With all of my pregnancies I got the hyperemesis, with the Twins I thought I would die….
but nevertheless we have beautifull children and with the distance of two years to my last pregnancy I can say I would decide again for so many blessings Our children mean to us.
All the best für you and your family,
Elisabeth

I had HG with my first daughter. IT WAS AWFUL. I got down to 98 pounds and couldn’t stand up straight because my stomach was so tight. I would take a sip of water, throw it up, and take another sip. Repeat, repeat, all day long. But you know what? Two months after giving birth I was expecting again- because it is totally worth it! And the knowledge that I had survived made me feel like a warrior and that I could do anything!

elizabeth

I had HG, too, with both of my pregnancies. With my oldest, I lost 25 pounds and got weekly IVs for months. I was working full time then and burned through the sick leave I’d hoped to use after our son was born. That time I got sick at 6 weeks and stayed that way until 30 weeks. After 30 weeks I told a colleague that it was soooo much better because I was down to only throwing up 3X/day and not very nauseous in between. She replied that my sense of normal had become skewed! The second time I was pregnant, I didn’t start getting sick until my 7th week – I was so hopeful during that one additional week that I would be spared that go round. Nope. Like Erika, that time I had a 2 year old, too, and I was hospitalized a bunch (I think 7 times – I’ve blocked it out). My 2 yo son got to where he looked forward to the apple juice and cookies at the hospital. I remember wanting to spare him the sight of his mom vomiting all the time, but one time I was mid vomit session and he was standing there requesting something from me. I realized he wasn’t fazed by it. One of the times I was hospitalized while pregnant with our daughter, they simply couldn’t control my vomiting, so they were trying all kinds of things. They brought in an acupuncturist and right after he placed the needles I threw up all over him. I don’t think my husband and I would have tried for a 3rd child anyway, but it was out of the question after such terrible pregnancies (but wonderful and healthy kids!). I got to where I quit telling people about my HG, because I wanted to scream at people who asked if I’d tried saltines or ginger tea!

Reading all of this has been so comforting to me… that was such a lonely time. I definitely didn’t have it the worst (I kept saying to myself that at least I hadn’t had a feeding tube), but it was terrible. This is so selfish, but I was so grateful for all the attention Kate Middleton got when she was sick because people would refer to her when I told them I was back in the hospital. “Yes, I AM like a princess right now!” Instead of, “Yes, I AM so disgusting I have to be hospitalized for moisture.”

Krista Hansen

I know how hard HG can be! Thanks for sharing your experience Erika. I have 3 kids and I got sicker each time. With my first, I went from working full time night shifts to going part time. And I barely made it through that. Before we started trying for our second, I knew I couldn’t keep working 2 night shifts a week, chase a 2 year old and be pregnant. Luckily, we were in a place where I was able to quit my job. Which was such a blessing! I lost weight with my second pregnancy but started feeling better around 24-26 weeks. Having a third child was such a lesson in faith, patience and endurance! By the time I was 5 weeks along, I had lost 15 pounds and was passing out frequently. I started on IV fluids 2-3 times a week.
I asked friends to help, friends that didn’t have any kids at home during the day, and they said NO. To my face. I’ll probably never get over that. I needed someone to feed my kids lunch when I couldn’t even get to the kitchen, let alone cook, and they wouldn’t help for 20 minutes a day. So, I had to hire people to drive me to and from the hospital and to watch my kids. I had help of some kind 5 days a week.
At 20 weeks I had an air embolism and spent a day in the hospital making sure I was ok and didn’t have a brain injury. That was fun. I could never eat anything with added sugar for any of my pregnancies. I would throw up for sure and that lasted the whole 40 weeks. Minutes after delivery I was asking for treats!!
I look back and remember what a lonely and horrible time that was for me and my family and I’ve committed to believe and help other women who might be going through HG. Thanks for having a spotlight on this difficult, but luckily temporary and with great rewards, illness!

Amber

I’m glad you posted this. I’ve been thinking about writing you with my experience with HG (just finished my4th HG pregnancy), but wasn’t sure people would want to read about someone throwing up 30 times a day! It’s a very dark time, but I’ve been blessed with healthy, beautiful babies. I’m grateful.

I also had HG with my first pregnancy. I’m pregnant again and starting to feel those same symptoms. But you’re right, it’s harder the second time around with a toddler to take care of. My doctor didn’t really know how to treat it except say to be on bed rest which with my first, was easy since I had no one to take care of. It’s definitely harder this time around trying to keep my son out of mischief. This baby is so wanted though! Also, you’re lucky that you had your babies natural after going through HG. I had to have an emergency c section after and it took months to get back on my feet. I must be crazy for wanting a second. Thanks for sharing your story!

I had HG too!!! One of the worst experiences of my life. I was diagnosed at 6 weeks pregnant after being sent to the hospital for not even being able to keep a sip of water down for days. I dropped 10 pounds immediately and kept losing until halfway through my pregnancy. I started feeling a little better after 5-6 months, but the nausea returned here and there until my daughter was born. I’m still not sure I could ever do it again.

Rebecca

My experience wasn’t nearly as bad, but I too was diagnosed with HG for both my pregnancies. Luckily, I only experienced it for the first trimester, both times. With #1, I ended up in the ER due to dehydration, although we were both ok. With #2, we came prepared: I took Zofran (which prevented vomiting but didn’t help with the nausea, pretty much making things worse). Also, my mother-in-law, who *really* wanted grandchildren, flew across the country on one week’s notice to watch our toddler and take care of me for a month. That’s dedication! :)

Michelle A

Oh Erika! I’m so sorry to you and all the other HG mamas. It is so hard. I had HG with my last two children (my first two kids had regular nausea/vomiting but not as intense or as long). Being sick for 8 months, daily, is indescribable to anyone unless they have lived it. It’s a terrible feeling to wish more for a pregnancy to be over than to see your own child (one that caused me feelings of guilt, inadequacy, more guilt). Still, of course I would do it all over again to birth them.

I’m also glad to see HG covered here on Design Mom. So many women (and even doctors!) don’t know about it. Because I had HG for the first time with my third baby, my doctor kept waiting for me to get better, to gain weight, etc. but it never happened. By my fourth and final child, I finally had a name for it but like you, realized the nausea medicine (in my case Zofran and another one, Reglan) didn’t work. I lost about 6 pounds total when I gave birth at 41 weeks WITH my baby still inside me (so estimated I lost about 30 pounds throughout the pregnancy). Same with child number 4. CRAZY!

To Erika, I’m so glad your boys are here safely, it’s a miracle that any child is healthy but when you have HG? It’s unbelievable with the lack of nutrients in our bodies. What a blessing for your family. And thanks again for sharing your story.

I was diagnosed with HG in the emergency room after vomiting all night with my first baby. I spent months barely being able to eat anything–eating would actually make my stomach hurt. The nausea was constant. I got down to 98 lbs and could barely function–let alone finish my last semester of college and hold down a job.

My unborn daughter developed IUGR (intra-uterine growth restriction) as a result and was slowly starving. Ultrasounds showed that her liver was shrinking due to malnutrition. Amazingly, I was able to carry her to 38 weeks and she was 5 lbs. 4 oz, 17 inches–small for gestational age–but has otherwise been healthy.

I have two other children now–I got very sick and tired with them too (with a heart condition to boot) and had trouble gaining any weight, but those pregnancies were nothing compared to the first! I remember swearing that I was going to just adopt rather than go through that again!

Thank you so much for addressing HG Gabrielle and Erika. I’m sure a future mom or two will come across this post and it will help them take control of their situation – I agree with so many others that some doctors just are completely uninformed. I ran into an acquaintance who was an OB when I was 6 months pregnant – if she hadn’t seen me, I’m pretty sure I would’ve continued suffering in silence and perhaps not had any more kids. She was a Godsend.

Just one other thing to add to the conversation: let’s not forget about the husbands. In subsequent pregnancies, they go from a partnership to completely single parenting while we wretch on the bathroom floor for months and no one ever asks how they are doing. Our husbands (or significant others) are rock stars and the pregnancies can be quite challenging for them too.

Loved reading this. There is something so very comforting in knowing you’re not alone. I’ve had HG all my pregnancies (three) and recognize it all. The IV, the hospital stays, the constant throwing up… And the worst part? When you think you’re going crazy. It’s like having food poisoning, but for eight weeks instead of 24 hrs. You know you’re not going to die, but just maybe you will, anyway, a little bit? Still, best thing I ever did. And I do feel like a world champion for going through with it three times. No more, though :) Thanks for addressing this.

Mehernaaz

Reading this story made me cry. Because it brought back horrifying memories of something that nobody but my doctor and mum took seriously but also because i’m contemplating a 2nd and i am just really scared. Will i have it again (i wanted to just die the last time) and when i do what will happen to my 2 year old angel. I cant bear the thought of not being there for her through the 9 months. That scares me the most. Or maybe i’ve forgotten the HG and when it hits that’ll scare me more, i dont know.
I’ve often contemplated seeking help to overcome my fear of getting pregnant. Never did it tho my husband has encouraged me. I somehow feel the fear will subconsciously block my body from reproducing.
And yeah… the next time i get a lame tip to prevent this i’m gonna land me a (weak) punch to the well meaning self appointed advisory board member.

Not being there for the first child really is tough. Awful. But I still found it easier the second (and the third) time, only because I knew what we were heading into. It was a little bit like going to war, the trenches are better when you know what you’re doing :) Also, having proper medical help from the beginning helps a lot. That said, if you want to try for a second child and feel that talking to a professional could ease your fear, go right ahead. Make the call today. Anything that helps is good. Best of luck et bon courage!

Cherie

What a special story. Thank you so much for sharing Erika. I had HG with both my pregnancies. I went into pregnancy thinking that I would breeze through it like my mother did. We were living in Europe at the time, away from family, and when hyperemesis gravidarum struck it was completely overwhelming. I had many long hospital stays throughout the first 20 weeks in order to be hydrated by IV. My weight plummeted as I simply could not keep any food down. But we survived, and produced a beautiful, 9lb baby girl at the end of it. Three years later we went through it all again, but this time we prepared for everything in advance. The sickness was just as bad, but the emotional toll much less as we knew what to expect. Thanks so much for shining a light on the enormity of HG Erika and for sharing your story. Friends find it hard to believe we would still like more children….but holding our babies in our arms and seeing them grow to be healthy, happy and strong has made it all worth it.

Amanda

Thanks for writing this! It’s so comforting to know others understand exactly what I mean when I say got so sick with my 3rd pregnancy, and now I am in the beginning stages of a 4th (our last) and trying to get everything in order in case I get as sick. Honestly, no one can understand it unless you’ve been through it. I had normal morning sickness with my first 2 pregnancies, but I sure *thought* I was really sick. Little did I know how sick one can actually be until I got HG. :) I was comforted to know that your last was not as bad, so far i haven’t been as sick and hope to just keep eating, drinking, and resting, and taking the meds and delay the onset for as long as possible.