Birthdays

Amber - posted on 03/25/2009
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I was wondering how everyone else works birthday parties? Do you and dad have your own party for the kids with his family and friends and BM has her own party with her family and friends or do you do a party together?

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Debbie - posted on 03/26/2009

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My stepson lives with us, so we generally throw the birthday party for him inviting his friends from school and my husband's family (my family is in Florida not Ohio). We also invite his mom as well to the party. She generally always comes. The relationship I have with my husband's ex is we pretty much ignore each other whenever possible. She yelled at me once and got in my face when I was engaged to my husband and after that I chose to have no other communication with her unless necessary (which it generally never is.) She stays on one side of the party generally away from me.

I'm not sure if she has a separate party for him but if she does, it must just be a small one with her family since he never really comments about it. If his birthday falls during the week, then generally she'll pick him up to do dinner with him that night as well (if we don't have any plans.)

We used to just go to the party BM put on, but we dont agree with my SS having such lavish parties every year costing a few hundred dollars (last year she puton an entire carnival with games and prizes, mind you she doesnt work) So this year BM is doing something with her family and friends and we are doing something with my and my husbands parents. When he turns 10 we will do a huge party.

Nope - we do them separately. In the past my SD's mom handles hers, and hubby & I take care of my SS's party.

Honestly though, I find after the first birthday, we don't really have a 'party' for the kids until it hits a big one, like 16. Usually the kids have their thing with their friends and they don't really have a big thing with the family.

Our family tradition is the birthday supper. No matter what, on their actual birthday I let the kid pick the entire supper. If they want tacos, or whatever, I will make it for them on their day. We usually save the birthday cake for whatever function with their friends that they choose.......Our kids are mostly teens now, and this works well for them and us

It depends on the situation. Before the BM decided I was the devil incarnate, we did joint parties. Now we have a family cake/dinner for the kids (my family and hubby's family) and they choose where they want to thave their 'sleepover' party. My stepkids never minded 2 parites, 2 cakes, and lotsa presents!

We currently have two parties - BM has physical custody, so the party there includes his friends from school and BM's family. Our party includes his scout friends and DH's family.

We previously attempted the joint birthday party thing and it just didn't work. BM wanted control over everything – location, decorations, cake, budget etc. After the party, she would announce how much it cost and demand we pay half. Often our "half" would be over $200!

We put a stop to that. We don't do extravagent birthdays anyway – it's not something we want our BD to learn.

For my SS (he lives with his mother the majority of the time) we share his actual birthday. One year someone gets him from 3pm until 6pm and the other gets him from 6pm until 9pm. We usually have something small, like go out for dinner to his favourite restaurant and then have something small like a cupcake and sing happy birthday. Then on the weekend we each have our own birthday party for him (she has one and we have our own) with family and friends. We found it work's great because he gets to spend his actual birthday with both parents (even if it is separately) and has his big birthday party on the weekend. We found that we can't do a birthday party together with BM because she wants to have a birthday party and hire a babysitter so she doesn't have to watch the kids. Or will do it somewhere where she doesn't have to do a lot of supervision. Which my DH and I don't agree with. Also the BM has no money (mainly because she spends it on herself or for partying for herself) so we would be forking out all the money, which we don't agree with.

I like the idea of the "big parties" that Valeria mentioned. I think that would be an excellent idea, as long as both families can get along and not quarrel with each other.

The idea of the "big" parties sounds good. Our situation is this; his two girls 9 & 12 lived with her for most of the time I have known them and I have always done their bday parties and she has never helped with cost, it's just not something she's really into she doesn't believe in sleepovers or anything. Well about 2 years ago they came to live with us, however this year his youngest decided to go back with her mom. Well we just the 12 year old's bday party and she wouldn't come because she doesn't like one of our friends so now she thinks we should hold the parties together and split the bill but told us we can't invite our friend. I just think it would be better if we did it separate and each invite whomever we wish but she says 90% of all divorced couples do the party together (wonder where she gets her statistics..lol)

we have agreed to hold "big" parties for 5,10,13,16,18,21 - those parties will be combined and allow the kids to have their friends from school and all families and we would split the bill. All other years we each have our own small get together. Hope that helps!