Boogie nights

Sepp's verdict on the Triesman allegations against Nicolás Leoz, Jack Warner, Ricardo Teixeira and Worawi Makudi: "I was shocked. I can only answer for myself, but I'm fighting to clean Fifa – and zero tolerance is my battle horse." •10 days earlier: Sepp attends a dinner dance in Paraguay to celebrate Leoz winning a sixth term as Conmebol president despite his implication in Fifa's $100m 1990s ISL bribery scandal. Sepp: "I am so glad for Nicolás! We are special friends."

Man of the week

Last week's best rebuttal: "I laughed like hell," says Jack Warner. "I've been in Fifa for 29 years so this nonsense will astound people, I'm sure."

Jack's top three previous best corruption denials:•2006: Doorstepped by journalist Andrew Jennings: "Go fuck yourself ... No foreigner, particularly a white foreigner, will come to my country and harass me." Warner told the press: "I've given selflessly to football."•2009: Says questions over a £230 handbag given to Mrs Jack by the England 2018 bid team are slanderous: "This has taught me about the English press: about their credibility, their commitment to truth – and their loyalty to honesty."•2010: Says he's "totally relaxed" about Panorama. "The BBC? I'm dismissive of their foolishness ... While the BBC is doing its nonsense, I am doing my work."

(Jack's other big message last year – a call for Trinidad's then-prime minister Patrick Manning to resign for being "ethically loose": "Manning is all about abuse of office, vote buying, misuse of funds and deception. He lies and he makes lying a habit. He must do the honourable thing.")

Other news: quote of the week

Steve McManaman on why he played in an all-star exhibition match for Chechen ex-warlord Ramzan Kadyrov. "It's not propaganda. There are many, many countries with political problems. We're not here for that. We're just here to play football."(New last month from Kadyrov: gives evidence in the defamation case brought against a human rights activist who he claims linked him to a 2009 murder. Kadyrov denied telling the victim: "I am up to my elbows in blood." "My hands are clean and white ... I had a manicure the day before yesterday.")

More rebranding

Also reworking their image after criticism for sending troops to Bahrain to help suppress pro-democracy protests: the UAE – holding a UAE-themed family fun-day at Man City on Tuesday. The day will include a "host of a fun-filled family activities" promoting "traditional Emirati values".

All in this together

David Cameron's FA Cup Final programme message: "From local parks and schools to football clubs across the land, the dream of the Cup Final has helped to inspire a fantastic legacy of grassroots football in this country ... Through football we can re-engage young people who are going through hard times. Football offers them the hope and confidence they need." 80%: Cut in school sport funding starting this summer, with no ring-fenced funds after 2013.

Legal news

Croatia: FA president Vlatko Markovic says he's "pleased" to be cleared by Zagreb's County Court of discriminatory behaviour. Last year Markovic said critics of his pledge to ban gay players because "football is only for the healthy" should back off. "You want to know how I feel? I'm fucking sick of you reporters. Understand? Write that down."

Sack news

12 May: São Paulo coach Paulo César Carpegiani says the board will back him after he left Rivaldo on the bench. Rivaldo said: "He hurt me. I am so humiliated"; Carpegiani: "If I use him or not is my call. If I don't, I have my reasons and they are respected." 13 May: Sao Paulo: "The player couldn't work with the coach. Carpegiani had to go."

Women's lib news

Spain: Sporting Gijón fans say hiring four glamour models – Leyla Black, Yoha Galvez, Ginger Hell and Baby Red – to film a morale-boosting video plus demonstration of football skills "will raise the team's spirits". Leyla: "Hola boys! We're here to do something fun for Sporting." Yoha missed a penalty: "Shit! Just a bit more aim and that would have gone in."

Plus: lessons learned

Romania: Timisoara president Marian Iancu, back on live TV after last year's ban, calling FC Vaslui's Adrian Porumboiu "a paranoid tramp". In November Iancu was suspended for using a TV interview to call Universitatea Craiova manager Victor Piturca "a gay satanist". Iancu said his £3,000 fine from the league was unjust: "They should be ashamed of themselves. It's a total lack of respect."