Also, Bodiceripper (Caillech) and Hibmo (Maledictus) both hit 60. This time I mean it!

Grats everyone.

So, without further ado, I give you:

Zul'Gurub: The pen and paper RPG

Everyone sits around a giant table in Horunskeith's living room.

Horun (DM) - You are standing in a circular ruin about 60 yards in diameter. There is a cliff to the northwest overlooking the central lake. There's a large dais along the eastern wall flanked with snake statues. A troll priest you recognize as Venoxis stands atop the dais looking down on you. Four giant snakes slither about his feet. About two yards south of the northern wall, west of the dais, a large bonfire burns. The sounds of the jungle surround you. You can hear birds chirping in your ears.

Sandman - Birds are in my ears!?

Carwin - I toss my ponytail about sexily and say: "This is a high-snakes fight." Then I wiggle my eyebrows.

Horun - Venoxis hisses at you.

Jorren - I drink my Nature Protection Potion!

Xiath - I go kill hakkar.

Horun - Uhh... ok. You die.

Xiath - this is gay.

Maeverros comes into the room

Maev - Hi everyone, sorry I'm late. Nooly called to say some jackass stole the handlebars off his bike so he can't make it.

Carwin - Doesn't he have a car?

Maev - A meteor fell on it.

Carwin -

Gary - I summon Maev.

Horun - Sorry, you have to go outside the instance.

Gary - What the hell... fine, then I need two people to come outside with me.

*crickets*

Jorren - I drink my back-up Nature Protection Potion, in case the first one wore off.

Talash - I make myself incredibly tiny and hide under a pebble.

Horun - Err... wait. Can you do that? Horun flips through his book.

Talash - I fly to the moon.

Hibmo - Can we get this started?

Carwin - Ok. I take out my mace and charge Venoxis.

Everyone - Aaagggh! Wait!

Horun - Rolls dice. Alright. Venoxis hits you for 645 damage. The snakes do 833 damage between the four of them.

Cimorene - I start healing.

Maeverros - I start healing.

Bodiceripper - I start stabbing.

Carwin - I taunt Venoxis and run to stand by the bonfire.

Jorren - I shout things at the snakes until they're very, very demoralized.

Horun - Ok. The snakes are now attacking Jorren instead. Carwin, you ran out of healing range so all heals are cancelled.

Mave, Cim, Adal, Deline, Sandy - Nooooo!

Carwin - I run about like a chicken with its head cut off.

Zerol - I urgently remind Carwin about the Lava Donut!

Horun - Rolls dice. Uh oh... ALL of you need to roll a Saving Throw against Holy damage.

Carwin - Crap.

Bodiceripper - I rolled a 78! That's good right?

Horun - You take 45,234 holy damage (resisted 200).

Bodiceripper - I think I'm dead.

Carwin - I run outside to reset the encounter.

Horun - Rolls die. Sorry, you failed your Saving Throw against Bugs. The encounter does not reset for some reason.

Carwin - I, uh, play dead.

Horun - Venoxis swallows you whole.

Carwin -

Zerol - I vanish into the shadows.

Talash - I become a giant tea cup and hide behind a star.

Xiath - i need rez by hakkar pls.

Hibmo, Camron, Galyn, Moth, Branwenn - Feign death!

Horun - Alright, Venoxis comes back with a belly full of Carwin and starts slaughtering the healers.

Cimo - Eek!

Jorren - No! I taunt!

Horun - Resisted.

Jorren - But... you didn't even roll.

Sandman - I use nature's swiftne...

Horun - Venoxis crits Sandman for 4280 damage.

Maev - I log out.

Jorren - I attack or something!!! Come on!

Horun - Fine. You attack Venoxis and... Rolls die...

Jorren - And?

Horun - And you roll a natural 1000. You behead Venoxis with a single swing. Wtf. ~_~

Jorren - Hooray! I ninja the loot and hearth!

Horun - Sorry, you critically fail the loot roll. You get three pieces of Alterac Swiss and 12 silver.

Gary - Guys? What's going on in there!? Still waiting on 2 more outside for summon!