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Wednesday, April 5, 2017

You know how in high school, they'd tell us to dress up for tests, because if you feel good, you'll do good? Well, that's the thought going through my head this morning as I stare at my closet full of nothing to wear, and choose a nice button up shirt to complement my rain boots. And then I immediately hang it back up. I'm grasping for straws again! I tell myself. Because that's what the whole two weeks has been about. Grasping for a reason that she got these strange readings. Mono? Zika? Flu R? The soon-to-be-named-Castro-Virus? ANYTHING but the prognosis I dread the most. I've asked agnostics and atheists and Buddhists to pray to whatever it is they believe or don't believe in. I've made a zillion collect calls up to the heavens, imagining his royal highness rolling his eyes and laughing at the squirrely human who won't shut up. SO I grab my comfy flannel and pull my jeans on and haphazardly braid my hair into a keep-it-outta-my-face braid, and keep that brave face on until the kids are off and it's just me and the zoo. I scramble around in the cupboard until I find the coffee mug of choice. Not one from my usual rainbow collection, and not the peeps ones Kurt got me, that have made their Easter presence, but the giant, fat, stein sized mug from the depths of the shelf. The one saved for days like this. The days when holding Heidi together is gonna need a bit more coffee than the average joe. You know, first day of school, last day of the world, Eli's Birthday, John's CT scan days, and now this one. Emma's day.
I'm nervous, but her local Dr. doesn't seem too worried anymore, and our M.D. friends try to say encouraging things, swollen lymph nodes...they're pretty common, and I'm sure it's going to just be a virus, and she'll be fine!, and I believe them, but I also don't commit. Because when I commit, the bottom usually drops out PLEASE don't drop out on me this time!
I have a whole page in my planner filled with a collection of sweet notes we've gotten over the past couple weeks. A friend going through her own scary medical issues takes the time to make me a little scripture card, another card left on my windshield while I was out running at the lake. (What a heartwarming way to end that run!), a rainbow postcard all the way from Wisconsin giving us "SQUAD POWER!!". This girl and I are so very blessed with our circle of warriors. The texts and emails and voicemails and prayers and flowers are humbling, and I am more than brought to tears at each and every one. SO if I haven't thanked you, please know how truly thankful we are to know that you are there, that you aren't just Horton's Who's! We hear you! And we are humbled and loved.
We'll start off on our journey in a couple hours! Updates as we get them!
xoxo, H

3 comments:

My dear internet friend. Somehow we were bought together through your husband's illness and though I don't blog anymore and get behind reading your, I still think of you as "friend". I am sending alllll my positive energy to you and Em and that this day has brought you good news.

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