Courtney Stodden Will Stay Famous Forever Because She Sends Emails to the Press

Bi-product of the American Dream® and allegedly real-human Courtney Stodden is a famous person or something. She is/was a 16-year-old "actress" who fell in love with old balls/former famous person Doug Hutchinson (of The Green Mile fame), and they got married thanks to a permission slip/deal with the devil her parents signed.

But Courtney Stodden is more than just a pretty face with a body made from plastic surgery samples: Indeed, she has staying power and knows what it takes to keep yourself afloat in this business we call show. It's called: pictures! Having your photo taken — regardless of its value — is the most important part of being a famous person. And Courtney would know, since she is very, very famous.

Which is why it's so, so nice and thoughtful of her to send out emails to photo agencies, letting them know her arrival and departure information for her flights. Because the totally-candid-not-at-all-planned LAX arrival shot, complete with dumpy-but-expensive sweatpants, trucker hats, sunglasses, and t-shirts with oversized purses is THE way to make sure your career is one for the history books. A face to remember. An everlasting moment in time. Nobody knows this better than the creme de la creme of Hollywoodland.

In two handy-dandy email tips sent out to entertainment journalists, her regalia-worthy return from filming Celebrity Big Brother in Britain was announced. And with details upon details to boot — how thoughtful!

Please be aware, I see now that the Virgin Atlantic Flight VS007 has arrived on time. Baggage claim however is listed as Terminal 2 for international arrivals on Virgin Atlantic. Not sure if your team knows this. Be on the lookout and double-check monitors!

See? This is how you come home from an appearance on Celebrity Big Brother UK, you guys. This is how you ARRIVE.

In fact, we're so blown away by Stodden's completely eye-opening celebrity prowess, we've attached some further tips to help you secure the Celebrity Dream Life you've deserved your whole entire life. To achieve and maintain said status, simply do the following:

Remember that the world cares about your every single waking moment.

Document said moments with copious selfies, appearances, status updates, and confessional-style "journal" entries (you can sell them all to the media for extra money!).

Never forget that your voice matters. Make sure people hear it all the time.

Go to totally cool hotspots in LA like Kitson or The Ivy or The Grove. Walk around until someone notices you.

Make a scene — it's what you were put on this earth to do!

Drive around Sunset Boulevard until someone thinks they know who you are.

Spend hours trolling social media for mentions of your name to ensure your Personal Brand is still Buzzworthy.

Remember: Google alerts are your friend! Create as many as there are variant misspellings of your name for the most effective alerts!

Remember that it doesn't matter WHY or HOW you became famous, only that you are!

If all else fails, try to find some other pseudo-celebrities to be your friends/lovers/sugar daddy and hang on for dear life.