I can certainly understand their concern, though upon closer inspection it turns out that these humble, simple-minded folk are mostly just confused victims of "hipster hysteria:"“This idea of bringing a young crowd from Williamsburg and Park Slope, it’s unacceptable,” said Elizabeth Pabian, whose backyard borders the Fifth Avenue space between 92nd and 93rd streets where skinny-jean-and-flannel-clad customers will soon sip craft beers from the Midwest. “My whole life will change.”

Firstly, no self-respecting hipster would travel all the way from Williamsburg to Bay Ridge to drink beer. That's like owning a custom bicycle but traveling all the way across town to borrow your friend's Magna. Secondly, even if they did, they wouldn't "sip craft beers from the Midwest." They'd be Midwesterners sipping craft beers, since that's where most people in the trendy parts of Brooklyn come from now. By the way, here's a photo of the Pabian family:

Fear garden: The Pabian family is petitioning to stop the planned and so-called “hipster beer garden,” The Lockyard, from coming to Bay Ridge — worried that patrons from Northern Brooklyn will bring a tidal wave of noise and property damage.

The Pabians should get their own house in order first, because their son is obviously a closeted hipster. They needn't worry about any "property damage" though. Hipsters are typically too frail to break anything, which is why they're the only cyclists in the world still able to ride Spinergys:

(It's like riding on eggshells.)

Of course, the owner of the bar is equally to blame, since everyone knows you never tell anybody you're opening a "hipster bar." You're supposed to lull the community into a false sense of security by telling them you're opening a sports bar where Thursday will be "homophobia night." That way, by the time you open and the neighbors see the "bike pile" out front, it will be too late for them to do anything. Now that's a cunning scheme--almost as cunning as a newspaper taking a boring story about some people in a boring neighborhood who are understandably worried about noise in their neighborhood and trolling for clicks by gratuitously inserting the word "hipster" into every paragraph.

Unsurprisingly, no sensible company wants to waste its money on pro cyclists anymore:

In November Drake said that things were tough for American races. “The situation right now is impossible. I have had sponsors tell me flat out that we are not going to do any sponsorship in cycling, at least for the foreseeable future. Continental teams in the US have had similar discussions with their own sponsors too; its very hard.”

Which is why Freds are the new pros:

“We needed to make room for the Gran Fondo event which is in pretty high demand,” he told VeloNation today. “There are also fewer and fewer good reasons to be involved in professional cycling these days so it had to go, unfortunately. Many of our sponsors are much more interested interest in Gran Fondo style events and we hope to expand on this format going forward while keeping the traditional age group and category races that are very popular as well.”

after the hipsters drink all that craft beer, they'll need some mad tarck bike skillz. like the "fixie fart" (standing up and farting while pedaling)and the "fixie vomit" (projectile vomiting over the front wheel so you don't get splashed).

Looks to me like Pabian the Younger is an midwestern farm boy, who's traded his camo jacket for down. He's probably got muscle on his legs from bucking bales of hay, so he'll never be able to wear skinny jeans. So, he'll never will fit-in with the hipsters.

I'm sure he'd like to drink craft beers. But being a midwestern farm boy, he probably drinks whatever is cold, palatable, and doesn't cost six bucks a pint.

I have to give major props to the writer of that Brooklyn Paper piece for his not so thinly veiled sarcasm:

“I bet 20-somethings would be an even more of a late night crowd, so that perpetuates my fears about the sound,” said Tigio, who is not yet 30 years old herself. “I can hear when a buzzing alarm goes off next door. I can only imagine what this is going to be like.”

This person is so obviously cut out for living in a major city. Maybe she should move closer to the airport.

I see the shoe spammer has not be contracted out. I am lowering my price to an Easton EC 90 front wheel only. And for a new tire pump thrown in, I will also take out the person who was inspired by leroy for his biking age (unless leroy is 80?).

BGW -- thanks, when I got up, I used the Pee Wee Herman line. Only thing I could think of.

Oh well, at least I remembered to fall on the side where the drive train wasn't and to tuck and roll instead of sticking the arm out. I don't mean to brag, but my dog says that you can tell I fall over a lot.

I'm fine and will take advantage of the good weather tomorrow for a ride up 9W.

...@ comment deleted...so is there any way this can be 'officially' addressed & dealt with...

...it's insidious at this point & obviously some kinda continuous auto-post...

...seems like someone ought to be held accountable & whilst it may be only as you say, a means to boost their 'ratings', how do we know it's not ultimately subterfuge for some type of computer virus even...

That's good. Last time I fell I forgot to tuck. Didn't break anything, but had a bad enough sprain I went to emergency just to make sure, and couldn't rotate my forearm or make a fist for almost a month. That was @ 10 years ago I think.

Actually, I remember another time I went down more recently, but that happened when I held my front brake too deep into a corner where there was wet cardboard on the street. I was on the pavement before I knew I was going down.

bgw, there are technological solutions, but it would be up to Blogger to implement them (one is to prohibit plain URLs - only ones with a special Google-blinding tag would be allowed). Naturally, this would be a pain for everybody involved. Spammers are why we can't have nice things.

Otherwise, maybe Vito needs to go back a day every once in a while to clean out this crap. Otherwise, it's just going to get worse.

I would welcome a hypster bar opening in my small town. They're so soft and white and easy to make cry. It would create a sense of street theater when local yokels stare threateningly at them. As the town's policeman is a cyclist, their bikes are safe from interference, as are the hypsters.

But a movie labelled as 'warm, funny and poignant'? My bowels loosen at the thought of it. Would hypsters even bother? How fucking tedious. I couldn't even get through the preview.

One wonders why the Flaming Lips swing from moments of stunning depth to deliberate stupidity. 'Sashmimi vs the Pink Labiabots' was one of the great albums of the first decade of the third millenium despite this. So a growler cunt ball doesn't shock that much.

Snob. You are being cyberattacked because you are the 'cool' dude. Did you inadvertently insult some ruskie mafia guy or gal? Be careful. It may be seventy degrees and blue sky sunny in your 'smug cocoon' but the real world is a cold and unforgiving bitch dude.

As The Marmalade put it ...

"The world is a bad place, a bad place, a terrible place to live Oh but I don't want to die ..."

Dammit, Snob. I understand that the weather in the NYC region is quite unseasonably warm, but quit riding your mountain cycling bike and give us our Monday post already. Some of in the flyover states, where it is unseasonably cold incidentally, need a little bicycling-related entertainment to make up for the fact that no actual bicycling is occurring.

Oh, that recumbabe is a BEAUTIFUL..woman oooohhh…oooohhhh… Wow. If you’re a hipster in New York, start getting the recumbent out and throw it around the back yard with pops!...uuuuuugghhhh….yea, yea….ooooohhhh…

About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!