24. I do not perceive my own best interests.

only through experiences in recent years have i experienced this, which makes this lesson, so far, one of the more poignant for me.

think about that, that i myself do not, can not, and will not perceive, understand, or see what is in my own best interest.

one might think that family or friends or counselors or some person could help one find out what is in one’s own best interests, but alas.

so what is the lesson for my own best interests?

the biggest reality for this lesson: life provides no opportunity and no provides no event and provides no advisor or counselor that will give me the ability to recognize what will make me happy.

that is what makes living life so damned difficult, because life provides no guidance for understanding what would be an appropriate action to give the appropriate reaction for my personal happiness.

instead, what i do is act based upon my own thoughts and sights, my preconceptions about any life event.

since, i interact with life events based upon my thoughts and sights, and since previous lessons from this book have helped me see that my thoughts and sights do not provide ultimate truth about life, then my own thoughts and sights do not serve me and my own best interests.

however, if i can come to accept that my own thoughts and sights, my preconceptions, are not serving me in my own best interests, then i can open myself to come to understand what is in my own best interest(s).

so i have to learn to step back from my own thoughts and sights, my preconceptions, and allow my self to begin to realize that i do not have my own best interests in my thoughts and sights in order to observe what is actually in my own self interest(s)

but to find what is in my own best interest(s) requires me to be truthful with myself, at least, in two ways. one, my thoughts and sights have kept me from finding happiness because my thoughts and sights are not serving what would be the best interests for me. two, i have to accept that i am partly to blame for not finding happiness because i have been too consumed by my own thoughts and sights.

consider the following:
in this situation with involving the computer, i would like [this] to happen, and i would like [that] to happen; yet the reality is i do not perceive my own best interests with the computer.

in this situation with involving the car, i would like [this] to happen, and i would like [that] to happen; yet the reality is i do not perceive my own best interests with the car.

in this situation with involving the building, i would like [this] to happen, and i would like [that] to happen; yet the reality is i do not perceive my own best interests with the building.

in this situation with involving music, i would like [this] to happen, and i would like [that] to happen; yet the reality is i do not perceive my own best interests with music.

in this situation with involving ideas, i would like [this] to happen, and i would like [that] to happen; yet the reality is i do not perceive my own best interests with ideas.

in this situation with involving words, i would like [this] to happen, and i would like [that] to happen; yet the reality is i do not perceive my own best interests with words.

in this situation with involving politics, i would like [this] to happen, and i would like [that] to happen; yet the reality is i do not perceive my own best interests with politics.

in this situation with involving religion, i would like [this] to happen, and i would like [that] to happen; yet the reality is i do not perceive my own best interests with religion.

in this situation with involving money, i would like [this] to happen, and i would like [that] to happen; yet the reality is i do not perceive my own best interests with money.

a problem that i can experience is that my mind has a preferred outcome, and different outcomes have different goals, which now are in competition with each other, which create tension and conflict.

what is difficult to accept is that i place high demands and high expectations in each life event, and what i am placing on the event really has nothing to do with the event itself.

what is also difficult to accept is that my high demands and high expectations create goals that work against each other, which create disappointment(s) within me because i do not have a unified outcome.

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