I am happy to be sitting down at my computer with some time to write a blog entry. After my last entry, Gioconda Parker and I taught a 5-day training for the Alchemy of Flow and Form Advanced Teacher Training called the Fundamentals of Teaching. AS many of you know, we teach an 11-month Online Teacher Development Program that and this year we added an onsite component as an option for folks looking to register with Yoga Alliance at the 500-hour level.

The Fundamentals week is one of the required programs and we spent a lot of time diving into to the inner life of teaching and exploring who we are as teachers and how we come to know ourselves and one another in community.It was an incredible rich week with 15 wonderful people which made for an intimate and special experience. I had so much fun teaching and getting to know everyone who came. Totally blew me away.

Then we dove into a 2-day workshop on Props, Modifications and Progressive Teaching Strategies which was super awesome. We scratched the surface of the topic and also of the materials I had planned but I think we covered a lot.

One of the students said, "honestly, I am not sure I could have integrated more, even if you had offered more!" which was a great reminder that more is not always more.

I am reaching inward to think of something to say other than "amazing group, amazing people" and "I love my job". And while all those things are true in this after-the-workshop-is-over period of reflection, I think that I am mostly left feeling touched and inspired by the sincerity of the people who came to the 9-days of intensives. the thing about yoga teachers is that they are a group of people who spend their free time, their expendable income as well as their emotional/mental resources to learn how to help people.

It is truly amazing company to keep.

And look, I know there are "puppy mill 200-hour" teacher training programs out there training people to teach yoga whose only program requirements seem to be that the prospective trainee has $3000 and can fog up the mirror. And certainly I know that there are plenty of ego-maniac, narcissistic personaltiy-types out there teaching yoga who exploit the vulnerable students who have entrusted their yoga education to a charlatan. Obviously, I am aware that the pressure of making a living in a competitive industry that requires dealing with lots of different kinds of people does not always bring out the best in any of us. And I know that many folks will spend only a few years in this noble profession before having children, going back to school, finding a more reliable income stream and/or exploring other creative ways to be of service and make a difference in the world.

I never planned to be a yoga teacher at all. I had ben practicing off and on for years when my friend opened a yoga studio where we lived in Prescott, Arizona and asked me to teach at her studio. At the time, my primary teacher was a Senior Iyengar Teacher, whose genius, insight and knowledge was so far beyond the scope of my own skills that it never occurred to me that I could be a yoga teacher. I never once saw what he did and thought, “Oh, maybe I could do that.”

No way— he remains, to this day, in another league entirely.

Right after my friend asked me to teach at her studio I was at a workshop with my teacher and I told him that one of my friends asked me to teach at her studio. I told him that when I got out of college with a counseling degree I had been handed groups of teenagers to “counsel” and I realized in retrospect that I had no business trying to help those kids but I didn’t know until after the fact that I wasn’t ready. I told him that I figured teaching yoga would end up the same way and so maybe I should tell my friend that I wasn’t ready. It seemed the repsonsible thing to do, after all.

He said, “Well, the first thing you need to know is that EVERYBODY teaches before they are ready. That is how it works. That is simply built into the system.”

I remember staring at him at this point in the conversation. Chances are good my jaw dropped and my mouth was hanging open a bit.

He continued, saying, “But you live in a small town in Arizona. Who, in that small town of yours, knows more about yoga than you?”

I think I managed a shrug at this point. I mean, there were yoga teachers in town who had been teaching way longer than me who really did know things…

He expounded further, saying, “I mean if you were going to start teaching in Berkeley (which, by the way was where he lived and taught), I would tell you you are not ready. But you are certainly ready to begin teaching given that you live in a small town in the mountains, out in the middle of nowhere.” (where according to him nobody knows anything…)

So, I remember thinking, “I guess my teacher says it is okay….”

And then he added, “What you have to remember is 1.) Only teach the poses you can do. If you can’t do it, don’t teach it, 2.) Make sure you remain a student and keep working on your own practice and 3.) make sure you have a relationship with a teacher who is more experienced than you are who will answer questions for you that you will inevitably run into when you are teaching.”

And so, I went home and said, “yes” to my friend and started teaching yoga. No 200-hour training program, no goal-setting, no Vision, no Mission, no life-plan, no-nothing other than a mixed-blessing from my teacher, a time-slot on the schedule, and a desire to help people.

My first class had 3 people. Mary Kate came. She had to come— she was my college roomate and was obligated to be there so I knew at least one person would be in my class. Barry also came to class. He was the studio owner’s astrologer who had a class pass in trade for casting a chart with an auspicious date for the studio’s opening. And Sunny came. I met Sunny when I subbed a class at the YMCA for Julie.

Shortly thereafter, Mitzi came to class. And then Virginia showed up. And then Rachel, Meg, James, Cheryl, Jenna ,Jeanine, Jen Perkins and Jen Weaver, Dan moved to town and so on. And it all evolved from there- one person at a time and so many mistakes and triumphs later.

Anyway, I started teaching too soon. I made a lot of painful mistakes. I stayed with it. People stayed with me. And here we are, still at it. Rachel, Cheryl, Meg, James, Jen Weaver and many others are now awesome yoga teachers themselves.

And the times have changed and yet, I still follow my former teacher’s advice. I teach the poses I can do. I remain a curious student and I talk to my teachers and colleagues about my troubles. I make a ton of mistakes. I do my best to stick by my students and I am amazed that so many have stuck by me.

And I know why some haven’t. None of this is easy. For a lot of reasons.

And I know— puppy millls, etc.

But I have to say that I do not spend a lot of time with that these days. I have students who came out of those training programs and they are eager to learn, passionate about growth and allow their minds to be blown open with what comes after their initial training. Sure- some folks don’t keep going, but I deal with the people who do keep going and they are pretty darn inspiring.

I can’t worry about what someone did or did not get before they get to me. I am not saying I do not have opinions about all of it but I am saying that people walk into the world of yoga through very different doorways and the best way for me to see the situation we are in together is to be happy that people walked into yoga at all.

I can’t waste a lot of energy on all the crazy that is out there, and believe me, I see it. Some days I get lost in the various compelling narratives of the crazy. But I can’t live there, because the good and true work of teaching is more interesting to me than what is wrong with our industry. And without the industry I might not have a job and so it gets a bit dicey to be too critical.

In truth, I can only deal with people once they are in my classroom. And perhaps the classroom is my blog or my youtube videos or my online programs. When I am lucky, we are together in person. Regardless of the classrom, when someone is in my student, we have the amazing chance to engage a process together that is simultaneously incredibly basic and extremely profound.

I mean, it seems simple enough, right? Yoga instruction often boils down to “Straighten your arms” or “Straighten your legs,” or whatever. But it is not that simple. It really isn’t. Bent arms and legs belong to people and the cue/adjustment/sequence/input is coming from a person and the correction/adjustment is given in front of other people and so the somewhat simple task of straightening our arms and/or legs becomes a much more complex interaction with a dizzying number of variables.

The thing about teaching yoga is that teachers and students traverse a universe between “arms bent” and “arms straight”. We cross a chasm when a “stupid question” isn’t dismissed but instead opens a doorway of greater understanding. We heal a lifetime of isolation and shame when the risk we take yields the safety to feel unsafe and the courage to be vulnerable. When the questioning of long-cherished understandings and ideals produces an edge of discrimination and clarity we find a way of knowing that transcends the personal domain of experience and takes us into a communal understanding of truth, if even for one moment.

I have said it before but there is something about yoga that feels to me like “growing up in public.” And it is Big.

And part of what comes along with the fact that all of us are teaching too soon is that we make the kind of mistakes that thwart these transformation possibilities rather than serve them. Find me a yoga teacher who hasn’t trounced someone’s feelings and I will kiss their feet. From what I can tell, they do not exist. This business of teaching is a messy business and there are casualties. And that sucks.I am not really sure where I am going with this tonight other than to say that in the midst of all the noise, I am so inspired by the people I know who are doing their best to help their students. I think my teacher was right back in 1998- we all start teaching too soon. We really do. I have to say it has taken me 17 years to feel mature enough to teach well.

I often say teaching yoga is an empowering ass-kicking. There is no other job I know of where you get a chance to witnes such profound growth in yourself and others while being so profoundly and publicly criticized and questioned and in which you will question yourself so repeatedly. For every “win” we have as teachers we have a chance to improve on something else. And we have to get good with that as teachers or we won’t last. We will burn out. The work will kill us.

Actually, there is a whole list of things you have to “get good with” to last but that is another entry for another day.

Ass-kicking sums it up for anyone who is a teacher of anything as long as they are passionate about their subject matter I think. Yoga or otherwise. Pema Chodron says, “To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest. To live fully is to be always in no-man’s-land, to experience each moment as completely new and fresh. To live is to be willing to die over and over again.” That's how teaching feels to me... I am in living fully - pushing limits, etc... then something goes wrong - my 13 year old students didn't take to what I want them to do and I get to live with that....and so it goes -

Reply

Christina Sell

1/16/2015 12:22:02 am

yes, and so it goes.... and I can imagine 13-year olds being a tough audience at times!

Reply

Kathy ORourke

1/17/2015 03:39:49 am

...Continually getting thrown out of the nest. Yes, it does feel that way to me -- just when I get comfortable with a group or my schedule, something changes outside of my control and I have to adjust. Again. Thanks for the quote.

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Kathy ORourke

1/17/2015 03:35:50 am

Yes, I remember the day when I was walking back from teaching to my house and feeling shame about how class went -- for the first 7 or 8 years that I taught, I just drowned in self-criticism and heard the resonance of the outer criticism resounding/echoing over and over. Finally, I just remember banishing it -- I simply couldn't go on as a teacher if that is how it was going to feel. How I survived for so long, I don't know. The last 5 years teaching are the exact opposite -- I just lose myself in the time, love it, try to apply all I have learned, keep it an authentic, challenging experience for people and keep diving deeper. So glad I got over the way it was killing me and burning me out. Lots of the coaching I have learned through the online work with you about teaching has helped me very much. I am glad it feels more fun now - what a relief!

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Kelsey

2/17/2015 04:00:18 am

Just reading this today in an airport... And grateful for the wisdom you pass from your teacher. I often feel like I'm teaching too soon... But I'm glad to know that is the nature of it. And I'm glad I'm living in a small farm town to share what I've got...

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