Lampanelli played to a full house at the Calvin Theatre Friday night and this, dear friends, is one of the most unprintable reviews you’ve ever read.

She blew through George Carlin’s “The seven words you can never say on T.V.” in about her first minute on stage.

The comic does a lot of TV these days, both straight and ribald, and she’s excited to be among those on “Celebrity Apprentice Season 5.”

The trouble is that most of those TV shows are void of obscenities or have them bleeped over. But on stage for an hour and 35 minutes Lampanelli lets it all out, complete with every imaginable – and some unimaginable swear words – that have ever been uttered. And the words are fired quickly, in the middle of a barrage of ethnic humor that spares no one.

You might now realize why she’s difficult to report about in a family-friendly newspaper or website.

Oh sometimes she got mild, but keep in mind that by Lampanelli’s standards, mild means jokes about the partial amputation of Zsa Zsa Gabor’s leg a few years ago.

“Zsa Gabor is selling her home,” Lampanelli said. “She had to downsize…She had her shoe collection cut in half.”

The comic proudly noted that Gabor and her husband found the jokes to be hilarious.

“They sent a note,” Lampanelli said. “Her husband honestly wrote that ‘He got a kick out of it.’”

Getting more topical she spoke about “Celebrity Apprentice” and the nerves she sometimes endured.

Lampanelli was picketed for her positive stand on same sex marriage by the notorious Westboro Baptist Church recently while in Kansas.

“You know them, they protest our military which is the best thing we have in this country,” drawing a huge round of applause.

As far as gay marriage, the comic said “Every gay has the right to be just as miserable as the rest of us.”

Carrying on with her outrageous style, she discussed trans-gender celebrity Chastity Bono.

“Who would have predicted that Sonny crashing into that tree would be the second biggest tragedy in Cher’s Life?”

And those were some of her gentler routines. It’s hardcore comedy for sure but not unlike Richard Pryor or Don Rickles from an earlier generation. Wild, raunchy, scathing, brutal and funny, it seems she’ll keep drawing sellout crowds as long as she keeps pushing the envelope. And don’t look for that to stop anytime soon.

Opener Mike Morse did a fine job with an unenviable challenge – opening up for Lampanelli.