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Lindsay Lohan doesn’t understand why she is a target. She has a point. There are actresses way more fucked up than her. Like former Full House child star Jodie Sweetin. Not much became of Sweetin after she moved out and moved on from the Tanner residence. That is until she burst onto the pages of the National Enquirer. A sad story it was too.

It seems that Ms. Sweetin married a scuzz bag. By scuzz bag I mean that he’d need gene therapy to become slime. His name is Cody Helpin, and he’s a drug addict with less sex appeal and way more tattoos than any of Jesse James B team.

Cody and Jodie went on to struggle together with marriage and substance addiction. For her part Jodie stupidly squander over $250 000 on drugs and tattoos. For his part Cody had to stand by and watch as Jodie nearly OD’d, and spent hours in convulsions. So it’s clear who the victim is. If you need any more clues Cody refused to take Jodie to an ER during her near fatal overdose. He was far too concerned that his wife’s minimal fame might make her near death experience image damaging or something.

Cody & Jodie had more in common than drugs, sex, and brain damage. They popped out some kids along the way. That came in handy during their inevitable divorce (inevitable is such a strong word. Let’s give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they were as likely to OD together). It gave them something else to keep fighting over. Cody insisted that Jodie was a drugged out ho’bag unfit to water plants much less raise kids. Jodie insisted that Cody had worked his magic on her impressionable mind – perhaps like Bobby Brown had on Whitney Houston – and got her hooked on dope so that she would use her money to support his habit, instead of her own. No one said that druggies are master strategists.

Jodie went on to state that she was now in recovery and living out the American Dream: a second chance! So she was far to focused on herself to ever jeopardizes her dreams by being a bad mom to her kids. Greed is good as some one once said in a flick. Well the case got kicked back and forth – custody issues that is. The divorce was already a done deal. He who had the kids had the money and money would come in handy while moving forward in a more positive direction.

Jodie wasted no time in grabbing onto her second chance. She got herself married up to a fine young feller named Morty Coyle. They’ve only been seeing each other for about a year, but they must have liked what they saw ’cause Jodie has once again jumped impulsively in head first. By that I mean that she’s got herself knocked up by her young man. The couple have announced through Jodie’s publicist that the pair are expecting a baby which is due this year. So let’s hope that history doesn’t repeat it’s self and that Jodie isn’t making some awful drug addled mistake that will play out in the tabloid headlines. I’m an optimist so I like to see that glass as half full. What it’s half full of is another question!

Dirty Colin Farrell has been behaving himself since his sex tape tanked his movie career. He even claimed to have gone through rehab and to have been clean for 6 months or more. More ended recently when Colin was pictured out, about, and in high spirits.

Paris of Hollywood

The scene of the crime was Cafe De Paris, in Hollywood, and Colin wasn’t there for any 12 step meetings. His nifty ensemble of two toned denim, inside out t shirt, and woven early 70’s style belt must’ve attracted the wrong kind of attention, because bystanders began teasing Farrell. Let this be a lesson, never dress yourself while either hung over or stoned.

Sensitive when hurt, but mostly drunk

Colin can be a very sensitive fellow. When a by stander grabbed him by the collar from behind, the actor decided to take it personally. Well one thing lead to another and the swinging started. I guess the guy brought the Irish out in Farrell. The two then went their separate ways with no clear winner. No word on whether Colin will be headed off to any kind of rehab or making any kind of mea culpa’s, whether necessary or not.

Whitney Houston’s comeback continues to go badly. Last time there was any news about Whitney it was when the audience walked out on her in Paris. Now the singer has been hospitalized in London. After singing off key Houston apparently ran out of breath. A doctor has diagnosed her with an upper respiratory infection. If you’re asking yourself is Whitney back on crack you won’t be the only one.

InTouch claims that the singer is back on crack. They refer to an incident where Whitney was seen snort a mysterious white powder from a bag. There source is eyewitness Marlon David, who sat only a table away from Whitney and her ex Bobby Brown @ the Beverly Wilshire hotel in LA on March 10. According to David Houston walked in with Brown and once seated began swearing loudly and demanded a “fucking drink“. She then pulled a bag out of her purse, rolled a bill, and snorted a line of ‘white powder’. David describes Whitney as looking thin and “out of it“. Not surprisingly Whitney’s people have denied the story and swear up and down that the singer is clean and healthy. Video clips of Houston’s performance show her far from healthy. Apparently she sweats when she tries to reach the high notes.

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Crack is whack, and whack is back!

Whitney went broke doing a “poor people’s drug”. I just feel so bad for her. Now you know what the greatest love of all is. Whitney ain’t the only one who’s gonna be doing drugs, Angelina Jolie will be too if she reads the latest tabloid covers.

Parenthetically speaking

If you’re Angelina Jolie (and be glad that you’re not – if she has as hard a time living with herself as others do living with her, then her life must be hell. I guess she likes being surrounded by people so she won’t have to be alone with herself – misery loves company!)it doesn’t matter how realistic the rumors are for them to be believable, just how insecure and unstable you are. Brad’s looking rough these days. I wonder what his problem could be? Maybe it’s the psychotic in his life, and I don’t mean Aniston. Aniston is merely neurotic.

Since the list only featured movie characters there were some notable omission’s, like Lila Tourney-West in Showtime’s Dexter. Lila was every bit as crazy as Girl Interrupted Angelina Jolie. Not that I’m implying Jolie is a serial murderess or anything, but would it surprise you if she was? It might take more than Dexter Morgan to get Jolie out of Brad Pitt’s life.

Speaking of girls interrupted, the latest Tiger Woods hook up to come out is none other than the 22 year old daughter of his neighbor. That young woman’s name is Raychel Coudriet and she’s claiming to have had a one nighter with Woods in the golfer’s office.

I know that post title sounds like a Dexter episode but I can explain. Craig Charles isn’t the only irresponsible lush on long running Brit soap Coronation Street. You might recall that some security cam footage of a drunken Charles made the web shortly after he was picked up for being DIP. That was shortly after his Brit tab interview admitting to years of cocaine addiction which pushed him to the brink of suicide and into renowned Brit rehab the Priory.

Now another Corrie start is in some booze related trouble. Sue Cleaver got herself arrested for being drunk behind the wheel of her Range Rover! Let’s take a look at a short video clip about her misfortunes.

Cleaver isn’t the only celeb battling booze. In fact substance use seems to go with the celeb lifestyle. When it comes to addictions no one knows more than America’s troubled child stars. Among child stars the surviving members of Different Strokes top the list. Dana Plato died when she OD’d on Valium after a trip to the dentist. Apparently the powerful tranquilizer reacted with the anesthetic, and the booze she washed it down with. The young actress was found dead in her RV later that same day. Gary Coleman’s troubles have been the most documented. However Todd Bridges has had his share of trouble too. He’s been arrested on drug and gun charges. He even later admitted that he contemplated ‘suicide by cop’ during the arrest. Now here’s Todd to talk about his troubles and his co stars in Killing Willis.

Todd gives us much food for thought. For one thing success can be considered exceeding your life expectancy – especially when you’re one of America’s child actors!

Now by popular demand here once again is Gary the Spaceman Bell and a classic View From Space. This one comes back from 2004 and is called The Illuminati Banker Bastard Babies!

Sir Bob Geldorf started out as a rock musician but became better known as a charity organizer. He’s still relevant as the father of Peaches Geldorf (not a Tolkien character). She’s best known as a celebrity screw up. Now there are rumors that Peaches has been involved in a heroin fueled sex romp at a Scientology center. Let’s get the details from a friendly Aussie commentator in the following short video clip.

That young woman is a boozer, a user, and a loser; but she can afford to be. Peaches Geldorf isn’t the only one making a Scientology related spectacle of herself. Kirstie Alley is gloating over the demise of Conan O Brien’s career to anyone who will listen. Back in the days when Conan had a TV show, Kirstie Alley was a favorite topic of his. Or more like a big fat target. Nowadays Conan has been relegated to Twitter (something he and Kirstie now share in common) and Kirstie has a brand new series called The Big Life. Kirstie wants everyone to know how pleased she is with the way things worked out too. Here’s Kirstie enjoying the table turning in the following video.

BTW The Big Life is still not a Scientology scam, but they still do have adjoining office space with high ranking Scientologists.

Kirstie mentioned in the above interview that this might be karma. Of course that’s what Sharon Stone said when the earth quake hit China. Stone is a very good friend of the Dalia Lama, as well as of numerous plastic surgeons. Well Stone wound up in shit very fast over those insensitive and thoughtless comments (Sharon can be a bitch, so can karma).

It’s no secret that celebs are very much into that whole karma-New Age-Laws of Manifestation deal. It was only a matter of time before they learned how to harness the force for evil. So here now are some helpful tips on how to rid yourself of bad karma. It might be worth paying attention to just in case there are some big bitter fatties in your past.

Remember that what goes around comes around – so don’t let it catch up with you!