Thursday, July 14, 2011

A Piercing Dilemma

I had my ears pierced at 13, but I don't remember feeling like I was the last of the hole-less ears to be impaled on my block. Big Sis, however, is fairly surrounded by friends, neighbors, classmates--and now relative, as her cousin just got hers done--with pierced ears. Our little girl who was formerly a little frightened of the process is suddenly feeling very left out.

But I don't want to budge on making her wait on this "milestone." Actually, I already budged. In a knee-jerk compromise, I promised she could have her ears pierced when she finished elementary school. She'll be...eleven? Twelve? That's less than thirteen, our original threshold, after all...

Nevertheless, I find myself examining my rationale for delaying the inevitable. It's not a moral debate. I don't think ear-piercing is dirty or inappropriate or scandalous or that she can't take care of her ears or earrings. My reluctance comes from deep in my gut...from the same place that spawns overwhelming urges to scoop her up and hold her tight and stunt her growth, somehow.

I just don't want my child to have holes in her skin...yet. She's my child...still a child. There's only so much time for being one, and for looking like one. For sporting kids' clothes and flat shoes and pigtails and a gap-toothed smile. She feels too little and unmarred for now. I can't want her to have earrings.

I am very comfortable upholding and maintaining parenting stances that go a bit against the grain, even if everyone else is doing it, Mom! And I know my daughter will accept the limits we determine.

Still I can't help asking myself if this is more about me than about her. About ideals of Peter Pan and elusive innocence I am transferring to my daughter. Is this a hill to die on, especially when Big Sis has already packed up her big guns in favor of silent longing? Should there be a reward for sweet acquiescence?

8 comments:

Heather PC
said...

I vaguely remember my mom and I allowing our neighbor to pierce our ears, with needle and ice cube, when I was nine-ish? It was awful. Mine quickly closed up from lack of care, and my mom's have been forever misaligned. I don't know what she was smoking at the time (or maybe it was just the '70s and that's how it was done), but she came to her senses and said no more ear piercings until age 12, and only with an ear-piercing gun. Age 12 has been, to me, the right age, and if I had a daughter who wanted her ears pierced, I would not allow it until then--no ifs, ands, or buts. It's a right of passage for junior high. Or maybe you could make it a treat for when she starts her period! Exchange one pain for another. Entry into womanhood and all that crap.

Why not get her a few magnetic pairs for now? Unless that still bothers you because of the grown-up aspect.

Getting your ears pierced runs about twenty dollars, give or take the kind of earrings you want. If Big Sis REALLY wants to get them done but you're not into the idea just yet, could you tell her she has to earn the money to get it done herself? That make make it seem less appealing to her; or not since she seems pretty into the idea.

I love that you're problem solving this, aitchpea! Hard to imagine letting Big Sis know that ear piercing is the reward for menstruating...as a carrot at this age. She hasn't mentioned it in a few days, so we will see how this plays out...

I feel like a stalker, but I really like reading your blog and this post.

I am 23 and still do not have my ears pierced...neither does my grandmother. I definitely hated the 13 year old rule my mom had set (being half mexican, my dad's sisters were not happy either when my mom made this rule...hispanic culture baby girls get their ears pierced)....as I got older the urge kind of went away probably because I was playing sports/karate and afraid an earring might get caught and tear my ear lobe!

I have nothing against piercings, I actually wanted a nose ring once...not having my ears pierced has just become a part of who I am and makes me feel unique and it's something special I share in common with my grandma.

I think the end of elementary school is a great idea....this way the 13 rule doesn't make you seem unreasonable and I felt like when my mom made a similar deal it made me think about if I truly wanted them, but I appreciated her letting me have a voice in the matter. ...you might find she will actually change her mind...and move on to bugging you for a cell phone barter instead!

I am totally on board with the 13-year rule. As the last of us three girls, I remember aching for this rite of passage, and that all my friends had theirs pierced already too. And silently cursing our mother for making me wait so painfully long. But when I was 13, and went with Mariana and Kate and Mom to get them done, I really felt like I had earned it. And then I got a couple more holes with you, and a couple more with mom. And then a tattoo later, after college. And none of them came too soon, and all of them were important marking points for my maturation, and I thank mom, and you MY big sis, for the significance of those milestones. Stay strong, and make her wait. Out of love, not fear :)

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a forty-something wife, mother of three daughters, teacher/educator, amateur writer, artist and runner, among other temporary and permanent conditions. I dream about living and teaching in Africa (again), writing a novel (for the first time), working part-time, having another child (just did this!) and somehow, leading a less-hectic, simpler life--ha! I ask myself what part of my life can give right now so I feel I have more, and what can I add or bring back to my life to enrich it? I don't think I know anyone in my circumstance (raising young children and working or not working) who doesn't wonder what better ways there are.