COMPANIES are turning down gratis caviar and other highfalutin freebies for their Christmas parties, and it’s all Dennis Kozlowski’s fault.

OK, today is Thanksgiving and I shouldn’t be thinking that far ahead.

But in the grand tradition of rushing that other holiday season (and because I’m doing my Thanksgiving duty marching with SpongeBob in today’s parade) I decided to break a promise to myself by worrying about Christmas early.

It turns out that companies are again spending a lot of money this year on holiday parties but (shhhh!!) they don’t want shareholders to know it.

Hence, party givers are scrambling to avoid offers from restaurants and caterers of free fish eggs and other embarrassingly high-profile amenities.

“It’s about appearing not to go over the top,” says Howard Givner, president of Paint The Town Red, which plans parties for big companies. “It’s about – ‘we don’t want some major shareholder to ream us.”

And it all goes back to the $15,000 shower curtain and million dollar party for which Kozlowski’s now defunct Tyco picked up the tab.

Party like it’s 1999, but pretend it is 2001.

Even though spending is up, Givner guesses that at least half his clients would turn down an offer of free caviar (and not just because it’s disgusting) in order to avoid ostentatiousness.

One client, he says, even nixed the idea of renting out the New York Public Library for its party. Even though it was priced the same as a good hotel location, the company thought the library didn’t (ahem!) stack up on the issue of corporate governance.

*

A person in the know says that Disney is actually looking for two new leaders – ” a team,” as it was explained to him. Why? I can only guess.

But my first guess would be this: If current Disney President Bob Iger isn’t elevated to the chairmanship when Michael Eisner retires, then Iger isn’t expected to stay around as the No. 2 man under the new guy.

Disney officials said the company is only looking for one executive. And don’t be surprised, Hollywood insiders say, if someone (or someones) completely unconnected to the film industry get to lead Disney.

The board might want someone with a cleaner image to take over.

*

I tried hard to think of something witty if not wise to say about a new Wall Street product that allows investors to put their money into companies that specialize in certain diseases – but, ya’ know what, I just couldn’t.

So I’m giving it to you straight.

WellSpring Securities of New Orleans says it has set up something called Vertical Investments of Life Science Trusts (or VIOLTs), which permit you to put money into firms exclusively doing research on breast and ovarian cancer; or rheumatoid arthritis; or diabetes, or prostate cancer, or Alzheimer’s.

Oh, I just came up with a wisecrack!

If someone who invests in companies seeking a cure for head injuries is a real brain, what does that make someone who tries to profit from hemorrhoid treatments?

*

Is the housing market in a bubble? Is the stock market about to bubble again?

While bubbles are welcome by speculators with the smarts to get out before the big kaboom, the Conference Board is expressing concern that the world has too much liquidity and not enough to spend it on.

Gail Fosler, chief economist at the independent research firm, says “businesses can, of course, increase dividends, buy back stock or go on an acquisition spree, but such huge amounts of liquidity also encourage investments that may not have acceptable rates of return after the fact.”

She said that the asset inflation apparent in the U.S. during the late 1990s is already “increasingly apparent in the housing market.”

“None of these trends is alarming in and of itself,” says Fosler. “But taken together with important structural changes, these trends may produce combustible interactions among markets that may be the source of significant and unexpected price adjustments, if not a new crisis.”