The parents meet the parents

When I started writing the Manifesto of Perfection accepted that I would be spending my life alone. My previous past experiences had put a distrust in women – so I could never see myself getting into a long term relationship.

Then I met Vicky and my perception changed.

Vicky was the first girl I looked at realistically. I would never allow myself to be taken advantage of, used, mistreated or become a walking cash machine. If she ever crossed the line – we were finished. To this day that boundary remains untouched.

The Parents meet the Parents

So I guess it was time my parents, meet her parents.

This was a day that was almost as nerve racking as when I first went out with her. Family opinion is a very important factor for myself. If my mum and dad took a dislike to her family, that would make things difficult. Fortunately I would describe both sides as down to earth and on a similar level.

So there would be no hilarious culture clash like in Meet the Fockers.

To establish the relationship of team VAJ (Vicky and James), we decided neutral ground was most appropriate. And we chose a popular food chain restaurant which had good food but was not pretentious.

Having a meal in a popular chain restaurant, at peak time on a Saturday – what can go wrong?

I realised the choice of venue and time was wrong as soon as I walked in.

Loud music played and the staff gave patrons an out of tune rendition of Happy Birthday. This was quite funny the first three times it played.

When I was having to shout my order to the waitress plastered with the fake smile, after hearing it for the twentieth time, it was not funny anymore

Yeah…ummm…. we seem to have a high number of birhdays today… hee…hee

Said the waitress

It actually seemed appropriate. The first time I went out with Vicky I had picked a pub that hosted an open mic night the same day. That evening comprised of shouting amongst the table while a 40 year old man who did not realise the dream was over, sang Wonderwall.

It was a disaster until we decided to move elsewhere.

Tonight was loud and it made me think of that scene from the IT Crowd where Jen takes a date to a very inappropriate themed restaurant.

I thought how many people were actually born that day and why someone over the age of 10 would demand waiting staff sing Happy Birthday. It must be bad enough working on minimum wage and faking enthusiasm for tips, without having to bow down to the needs of every insecure person.

If the evening had stayed like that it would have been a pointless exercise – it was very difficult to talk and break the ice, but eventually the birthdays died down and finally a conversation could be established.

Vicky looked at me and rolled her eyes when her dad started going on about his tourer caravan, but other than that things went well.