Trouble in paradise

Last updated at 09:43 04 August 2003

The advice for people suffering from work-related stress used to be simple: take a holiday. But in these days of mobile phones, e-mails and job insecurity, it seems that lying by the pool can be even more stressful than a hectic day in the office.

While most of us won't be quite as tense on holiday as Tony Blair, who will be leaving Cherie and the children to jet back and forth from his Barbados hideaway to attend to domestic crises, a study by recruitment consultants www.reed.co.uk says one in four of us suffers from PHT (Pre-Holiday-Tension) even before we step on the plane. And things aren't much better once we've arrived. Half of us live in fear something will go wrong at work in our absence, and one in ten of us is terrified we'll be made redundant and won't have a job to return to.

Because of this, five million people in the UK won't take their full holiday entitlement this year, and some of us will even cancel holidays at the last moment because we have so much to do at work.

Even if we do make it, most of us will be so busy finishing off projects before we go that we'll be exhausted by the time we get to our destination. Even though we often pin our hopes on having a romantic time with our partner on holiday, those same stresses often mean we get anything but that.

We're all familiar with Irritable Male Syndrome sufferers, pacing up and down by the pool, yelling into their mobile phone, or worse, at their wife. Or couples sitting silently, glowering at each other under the stars.

Even the most loved-up of celebrity couples don't escape. Take Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones, who this week were spotted having a remarkably vigorous discussion on board their luxury yacht in the Med.

Despite the fact that they had servants dispensing iced drinks and polishing their sunglasses, balmy weather and a pool, something seemed to be irritating the 58-year-old star as he pointed at his wife and paced up and down in a manner that observers described as far from relaxed.

Most couples on holiday are actually still deep in their work personas, each used to being in charge in the office and used to seeing each other at the end of the day. For many, it's impossible to shift gear instantly into calm intimacy.

Relationship counsellor Julia Cole says:'Intimacy and real communication require time and practice, and you can't achieve it in half-an-hour a day. The pace and demands of modern life mean we are all busier than ever and it can mean you lose the nuances of what you are saying to each other. You stop being able to 'read' your partner.' Stress coach Louise Smart says that despite the problems, having a relaxing holiday is more important than ever for our wellbeing. 'I see more and more people who find it impossible to switch off on holiday, and this has adverse effects on their health,' she says.

'I think it is symptomatic of the faster pace of work today, but many of my clients simply don't know how to enjoy a holiday and don't understand why it is important.

A real holiday can remove stress chemicals in your body, recharge your batteries, calm your nervous system and give you more physical and emotional energy, which is vital in today's competitive environment.'

Smart, who trains executives in stress management and positive living, says:'I recently spoke to a company director who told me: 'The 24-hour global market means I'm on constant alert, even on holiday. It is like living with a continuous white noise. I'm never free of it and I never wake up refreshed these days.' 'Lots of my clients feel that way, and it can easily take them the first week of their holiday to even begin to enjoy it.'

Smart says that no matter how stressed you are, or how high-powered your job, anyone can learn to relax on holiday.

'I coach people with a mixture of physical, psychological and practical techniques,' she says. 'You begin them before you go away, so you can start enjoying the holiday the minute it begins.

'I recommend clients do these things up to six weeks ahead, but they will show benefits from day one. So even if you're booked to go away this weekend, I can promise you a happier holiday.'

Call Louise Smart on 07973 780 852 or visit her website at www.emotional-detox.com