Ask a Guy: How Do I Know If This Guy Really Likes Me? I'm Out of Practice!

Breakups are tough enough on their own, but what comes after the breakup is sometimes tougher. This reader ended a four-year relationship and now thinks she's ready to start dating, but it's been so long she's not sure if the guy she wants to ask out even likes her.

*My boyfriend and I broke up after four years together (we met in college). I feel better than ever and am ready to start dating. Here's where I need help, as it's been a long time since I've done this. There's a guy I've been flirting with, at least, I think we've been flirting. We have a lot of mutual interests, we like talking to each other, and we make each other laugh. Does that count? We made tentative plans to "hang out" sometime before the holidays, but he works two jobs, including a lot of weekends, so I believe him when he says he hasn't had time to hang out but really wants to. I guess my question is, Am I wasting my time if I'm not 100 percent sure he's into me? *--A New Hope

This makes me think of Zeno's paradox, which Aristotle alludes to in Physics: "In a race, the quickest runner can never overtake the slowest, since the pursuer must first reach the point whence the pursued started, so that the slower must always hold a lead."

OK, so, what am I talking about? You haven't been dating for a while, so you feel like you're behind. But trust me, the faster you make yourself race, the less effective you will be in catching up.

Mutual interest, conversation, making each other laugh: all good signs. Great signs, in fact. Do they mean that he is "100 percent" into you? Of course not. But there are never such guarantees. And dating is actually much more exciting without them. The only people who you know for certain are enamored with you are the stage-five clingers.

Stop putting so much weight on how into you off the bat this guy is and start putting that energy into exploring whether this thing could work or not. His schedule is crazy busy? Fine. Find an hour where the two of your can grab a sandwich or go for a run or whatever activities he can squeeze in.

If you can't pin him down for a date, then leave the ball in his court and start exploring elsewhere. You're making this harder than it has to be. Take a risk; the sooner you do the sooner you'll discover it's no big deal.

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Do you wait until you know a guy likes you before you ask him out? Do you ever ask guys out?__

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