– Captain Cook has chosen to bowl though.
– And we have MR Marsh dropped for SE Marsh.
– Strengthening the batting?
– Not likely.
–Here’s yer SCJ Broad.
– On his home ground.
– He’s a fine bowler.
– Look at that late swing.
– Beaten.
– Shite.

CJL Rogers c AN Cook b SCJ Broad 0 (1/4, 0.3 overs)

– Terrible start.
– Ahh, you get those.
– Is SPD Smith the man you want at #3?
– He’s a gun.
– Shuffles around a lot.
– We need a big one from him today.
– Shite.

SPD Smith c JE Root b SCJ Broad 6 (2/10, 0.6 overs)

– That’s the first over done.
– So now it’s MA Wood in the absence of JM Anderson.
– Shite.

DA Warner c JC Buttler b MA Wood 0 (3/10, 1.2 overs)

– Three out in the first eight balls.
– All caught behind the wicket.
– Leaving a ball as a skill; it’s gone.
– Like the Thylacine.
– Like half-decent TV commentary.
– And here’s yer captain MJ Clarke, hiding down at #5.
– What’s wrong with leaving the ball?
– Jaysis, another one.
– Ill-discipline is not an excuse.
– Jaysis, SE Marsh.
– SCJ Broad with some tidy figures.

SE Marsh c IR Bell b SCJ Broad 0 (4/15, 2.4 overs)

– Are these blokes actually incapable of leaving the swinging ball?
– Where would you learn a skill like that?
– Oh, say, in Shield cricket.
– Right, or in district cricket.

– Oh, FFS.

AC Voges c BA Stokes b SCJ Broad 1 (5/21, 4.1 overs)

– That’s a brilliant catch.
– And SCJ Broad has been superb.
– Good areas?
– Cut it out.
– Twenty-five balls now, for five wickets.
– Gotta settle this down.
– The cloud will clear, gents.
– Just survive.

– The crying shame of it is that they don’t need to play at these.
– I know it.
– Test match batting is a skill.
– I know it.
– I mean, you need to handle various conditions. Situations.
– Yeah.
– Here you just survive for an hour.
– Don’t throw your bat, then?
– No. And keep your bat alongside your front pad.

– Unbelieveable.
– Shite.

PM Nevill b ST Finn 2 (7/33, 9.2 overs)

– This is one crowded hour.
– This is pretty weak.
– AC Agar and PJ Hughes rescued our first innings here last time.
– Who’s going to step in today?

Good stuff DW. Not to sound like I’m defending the Aussies unnecessarily but I reckon Broad would have bowled any team out the way he was going. It was his hour. That’s the real story of our sorry effort.

I think we all know the problem – until there is financial reward in mastering the judicious leave or not pushing at a swinging ball, whilst there remains financial gain in the “bang, whack, whallop” approach to cricket, these arts of Test batting will be memories retreating in the distance and we will be incapable of beating the Poms in a 5 Test series in their conditions. The Ashes will be more akin to tennis and go with serve.

Last night was the first time I can remember being ANGRY about cricket. All those years of lies about “Test Cricket will always be the Apex of our Game, but……………”
Abbott, Gillard, Goebells, Sutherland, Argus, ICC, IPL, KFCBB, dogshit.
Behaviour follows incentive.
Rod Marsh looking like Mick Malthouse in the “coach’s box”. Where was Geoffrey Edelsten.
How could you leave Mitch Marsh out? His batting technique is shit away from true wickets and benign conditions. But he’s got a half dozen mates in the batting lineup, and he bowled better than Hazelwood and Starc at Edgbaston and he swings the ball. What about picking a team for the conditions?
Do you have to be over 30 to be considered as a batsman? If anyone calls them batters, I’ll batter him.
And final disgrace of disgraces – MJ Clarke.
I’m sitting there willing him on. “Come on Clarkey. Graft a 30 or 40. Lead from the front. Set an example. A hard fought half century will get us to 120 and show your mettle.”
I spent the rest of my night racking my brains about whether I had ever seen a worse shot by an Australian captain.
Simpson, Lawry, IM Chappell, GS Chappell, Border, Taylor, S Waugh, Ponting – never, never, never. They all had bad trots, but they never said “this is too hard, I’m out of here”.
Maybe only KHughes when he was mentally fried by the West Indies quicks. Excusable shell shock.
Broad, Wood and Finn? Pop gun shock.
Then to wake up this morning and hear Clarke bleating about the difficult batting conditions. And I think back to Mike Hendrick and Peter Lever and Bob Willis bending the ball at right angles; seaming it like SK Warne spun it; and making it jump off a length. IM Chappell’s sides made 180 in that situation, then hung their heads in disappointment.
T Bayliss for Australian of the Year. The Australia I remember and value.
Boof was right. Lords was a hiccup. This was barfing on your shoes and shitting your pants.
Flogs. The lot of them. Good word that.
Ch7 and the AFL must be laughing like drains.

Well played ER
It was the most enthralling hour of cricket I’ve seen in ages. I didn’t wanna look, yet I couldn’t look away.Is this the consequence of too much IPL ? Decline in England has been steep since 2005. Is it simply a question of technique or a lack of exposure to English conditions?

Peter B, good to see that you didn’t blame the ‘flogettes’ for that abysmal effort.

I was going to watch the first session before going to bed.
The wickets fell madly. It reminded me of the day Oak Park under 12s were bowled out for 25.
Highest score 5, from the captain.
I made one.
As the calamity progressed, I changed my mind and decided to watch the cricket until our innings ended.
It reminded me of training, when we’d gather around for slips practice.
It made me angry. It demoralised me. I was disgusted.
And when I went to bed, I hoped Johnson would get 7/40 and we’d bowl them out for 120…
Na.

Ahh! How we love to bring the tall poppies down and I plead guilty. I also plead guilty to writing three weeks ago about why are the WAGS on tour with the boys before The Ashes series opened. Sorry IA Healey I got in first.
Not new though, DG Bradman insisted his wife toured on one occasion. I believe the ACB said “no”. That is what is wrong with our cricket today. The tail is wagging the horse. If Cricket Oz took control of cricket this would not happen. SK Warne (often wrong) is right on this occasion.
Oh for KR Miller and SG Barnes (love those initials!).
PDF and JTH what about PMD?
RJU

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