They walked across half a continent and nobody lost any weight. That’s some battle-hardened BMI, right there. In an organized assault, the immense combined mass of converted sugars will completely overwhelm our troops, smash through our border and penetrate deep into our country.

I don’t know how many of you watched but I caught a couple of new balloons that reminded me of just how thankful I truly am to not be a Democrat.

First up, a brand new creation depicting former Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton stroking out and being tossed like a 200lb bag of soggy quinoa into her Scooby Van, on 9-11-2016. This one should make anybody feel better.

Michael Avenatti is one of the top five favorite cartoon characters in the country now. So there’s a new balloon with his likeness, created to honor the Holiday. It’s called “Make Me A Turkey Sandwich, Bitch!”