With my words I do create.

October 21, 2012

Halloween Strip-Down

A new thaaaaaaang I'm doing. Check out these Halloween costumes. Creative? Absolutely. Conducive to women's wellbeing? Probably not. Kudos and no judgment to women who choose to wear these costumes - I'm not brave enough to bare much skin in a public place, let alone have my costume include a stuffed beaver that covers my ladyparts (scroll down for that one!). But I have friends who go as sexy nurses, sexy maids, sexy sexy sexy, and they look great.

I've chosen what I think are the most creative or stupid of the bunch. There are plenty of other costumes that were MUCH more scandalous, but my grandmother reads this blog so I thought I'd keep it moderately kosher.

For me, though, these are absurd and out of the question. I'll be going as myself - a sexy Fireman! Or maybe a panda or a kitty cat if I find some facepaint.

Here is sexy Big Bird. Topical, of course, and I'm sure this will be a very popular costume this year. Confusing to kindergarteners? Certainly. At least it's not a particularly revealing Big Bird.

This is fairly straightforward, but this costume was called China Doll Geisha Girl. First of all, geishas are Japanese. Second of all, this is racially offensive.

And for you Ohioans wanting to make it clear where you're from...

Here is some sexy corn. Because nothing is sexier than shucking and eating corn.

I just like the title of this costume: Cute Lady Cavewoman. Because without the TWO clarifiers that this costume is for a woman, we wouldn't have been able to tell. Sarcasm.

This would be a cute little candy costume if she weren't holding a phallic purse that said "lik-a-stik" on it.

As I perused costume websites while watching TLC's Long Island Medium (she talks to dead people and has the greatest accent I've ever heard. She might be MY Halloween costume), my roommate, watching with me, looked over my shoulder and said, "ooh, I would wear that as a regular dress."

This month is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I would like to emphasize that buying this gaudy costume does not give ANY money toward breast cancer research. This is one example of pinkwashing. People sell pink junk during October. Some of it goes to breast cancer research, but a lot of it doesn't. Just keep that in mind.

Sexy Pinnochio features a dildo-esque nose on a stick and an applique on the skirt that says "Give a Lil' Whistle." Great.

This is a sexy coal miner. That's weird.

Sexy raccoon. Because nothing says sexy like pillaging vermin.

This little getup was $300.00 and is listed as "Sassy inuit." Though it's not applicable to this specific outfit, here comes my second PSA, brought to you by Ohio University:

As a nerd this just bugs me. Nope, not "Spider-lady." That's not a thing and that's not a creative name for a feminized superhero. Why is her tongue sticking out? Do spiders stick their tongues out? Does Spider-Man stick his tongue out? No because his face is covered by a mask. Oh right, that's sexy, apparently.

"The Wood Chipper"

This one was the greatest of all. It's called Lady Wood Chipper/Sexy Beaver Costume. Description:

Plush beaver. Placed over her...well, over her beaver. *sigh.* I have to admit I'm impressed, though that plush toy is not well-made. I wouldn't have known it was a beaver if the description hadn't offered that information.

And finally, just for fun..

This hysterical, ridiculous costume that apparently only works if you stick your arms behind you like wings (despite the costume already having wings) and bend over in what looks like a VERY comfortable, even yogi-esque position. Who wants to be a turkey for halloween? Looks like fun.

Also, please enjoy my friend Marissa's rules regarding candy corn.

1. Candy corn is only to be eaten during the month of October.

2. Only the on-brand stuff is acceptable (i.e. Brach's Candy Corn, which I just bought).