Mzee Mwanakijiji

Platinum Member

Mzee Mwanakijiji

Platinum Member

Dear Wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you
forever. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I
have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been
hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today
and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and
didn't even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your
favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after
watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me
anymore; you don't wa nt sex or anything that connects us as
husband and wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't
love m e anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband
P. S.
Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to
West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's
true that you and I have been married for seven years,
although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I
watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant
whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice
when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that
came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother
rai sed me not to say anything if you can't say something n
ice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal,
you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I
stopped eating pork seven years ago. About those new silk
boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag
was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence
that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that
morning. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we
could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for ten million
dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica.
But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a
reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you
always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote
ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!
P. S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister
Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem