Category: fiction

I haven’t posted in here for a while, so I thought I’d kick off with a list of all the books I worked my way through in 2017. 03 i 17 – a decent ride – Irvine Welsh 07 i 17 – the apocalypse codex – Charles Stross 09 i 17 – broken skin – […]

99% of fiction, I’ll read once and never consider going back to. William S Burroughs, I can reread, mostly down to the gorgeous ‘poetry’ of his prose. I am, after all, a schemie. The urban poor. I object to poetry. It undermines my manhood. When I got my first e-reader, back in 2011, practically housebound […]

Here’s my self-indulgent list of all the books I read last year. I’m not looking forward to this list falling into the hands of headcare professionals, I can tell you! 05 i 15 – the ghost – robert harris 09 i 15 – the secret history of rock – roni sarig 09 i 15 – […]

I’m planning out a follow-up novel. When I wrote ‘1919’, it was all one story, it was just too fat so I split it in half before shoving it out. For July’s NaNoCamp, I wrote the draft of a novel set in Edinburgh in the 1990s and now I’m extending it, picking up some loose […]

Things have gone awfully quiet of late on the Yewtree/Fernbridge front. Which is, I suppose, part and parcel of a media traditionally protecting the corrupt establishment they’re part of. Even the hacks who aren’t themselves fucking kids know which side their bread’s buttered. Forty years ago was a whole nother country. The word ‘rape’ was […]

Sir Eric Pickles, the Mountain that rides, announced last night that he’s to commemorate his recent knighthood with a rap-aerobics CD, released tomorrow. “Sir Eric Pickles – a leaner, fitter Britain” features the former MP for Brentwood and Ongar rapping his way through fourteen slices of slammin’ urban jive-fodder, backed by several leading figures from […]

Following on from the massive success chainstores have had in selling clothing emblazoned with the cover of the first Ramones’ album, an imaginative new Scottish start up has released a matching scent. Although the predominant smell is industrial adhesive, there is also a strong undercurrent of stale sweat and a lingering afterburn of rectal mucous […]

Jolly Jack Tar William McNeilly was back in the bosom of the Royal Navy after a prank that caught the whole country on the hop, said a source in the Ministry of Defence. McNeilly, who conned the whole world with his claims that Britain’s nuclear submarines weren’t fit for purpose, was last night laughing about […]

Newly resurrected Home Secretary Theresa May yesterday announced that the coming five years would see a return to ISIS-ish values. Speaking at the opening of Mogadan, the Conservatives’ annual celebration of all things dogmatic and slow-witted, she told reporters and a wailing horde of the faithful that her department hoped to introduce tying people to […]

In another attempt to woo voters with limited education, the United Kingdom Independence Party are to make available a new fragrance for white women. ‘English Rose, the scent of scapegoating’, will be pitched at ‘the modern woman who enjoys a carefree life and blaming others for her own inadequacies’ and will smell ‘a bit like […]