New Yorkers Cannot Escape the Creeping Fatification of America

July 7, 2011

New Yorkers are known for many things, some true, some not. Like, being rude (even though, really, on a one-on-one basis we’re quite friendly, as long as you don’t stop us on our way to work with some idiotic question). And, being skinny (because we walk so much, and so fast, that we don’t have time to answer your idiotic questions). Except now we’re not so skinny, are we? According to the latest “Hey Fatty, You’re Fat!” study that we’ve grown to love and expect on a biannual basis, New Yorkers are fat! Well, one in four of us is fat. Raise your heads on their chubby necks to peer above the walls of the cubicle where you’ve sat upon your ass for the last 2 hours and check out your portly neighbors. Point fingers! It will burn calories! So does a great, big belly laugh!

Even if you’re the one out of four and are currently being heartlessly mocked by some skinny bitch, take heart in the fact that you’re not as fat as the rest of America, where two-thirds of adults and one-third of kids and teens are obese or overweight. In comparison, a mere quarter is like a size zero. At the Gap. In other numbers, we’re only the 41st fattest in a state-by-state obesity list, with a combined obesity and overweight rate of 60.6 percent, up from 54.1 percent in 2001. Which sounds sort of…fat.

But who’s judging whom? Pick up the phone and order lunch. After all, you gotta eat. (Don’t tell Mayor Bloomberg.)