June 12, 2008

Ro-Beast Review

I did some shopping at Virgin Mecha-Zord last weekend cos like errything was ten bucks, plus it was hot out to the Ndredth Degree (still trying to get that accepted on asshole Urban dictionary) and I needed some speedy Air Conditty. With every corner I turned I kept finding MORE STUFF to buy. I went for the trifecta of dead media--two DVD's, a book (don't worry, it wasn't for me), and a CD. This CD was Oasis' Greatest Hits.

I always said to myself, I will never buy an Oasis CD, but if they ever decide to put out a Greatest Hits, I'll pick it up. As a man of my word, I did just that. This double-disc greatest hits retrospective entitled Stop the Clocks was put together by Noel (he's the unintelligible one, right?). There are a ton of great songs on the discs and it was definitely worth the ten smaccaroons. The second disc alone is a near-perfect ten. There're only two songs on the second disc that I hadn't heard before, and only two songs on the first disc that I have heard. ODD!

And then there are two other Oasis songs that I do know that aren't on either disc. "D'ya What I Mean?" (which goes "D'ya know what I mean...") and the one from the commercial "All Around the World" (which goes "All around the world..."). Those two tracks (both HITS and GREAT, mind you) are both from their album Be Here Now, released in 1997. Although the overwhelming majority of the tracks on the greatest hits package are from the mid 90's, Noel the Gatekeeper did not put a single track from Be Here Now on it at all. Why Noel? Why?

From what I've just read about Oasis' career (in the past 25 minutes), Be Here Now began their quick decline in popularity with fans and critics alike. It's apparently a bloated, self-indulgent album. I don't know. Plenty of their songs sound bombastic and arrogant anyway (helicopter intro? sampling their own songs?), so what's the fucking difference? The exclusion of tracks from that album is just making me want to hear it in its entirety. Maybe that sneaky Noel knew what he was doing. Unless it actually does suck and I'm the sucker. Maybe if I find it for $2 somewhere, I'll buy it knowing that at least two songs are good.

Anyway, the album has come at the right time for me. I listened to the Beatles non-stop last summer, so it seems to be the season of pop for me. Well, I listened The Beatles and Battles non-stop, actually, so maybe it's the season of bands with B, E, A, T, L, & S in their names. That's right, no fucking Beastie Boys for the Ro-beast. Is there a band called The Constables? The Blast Beats? The Table Saws? I don't fucking know. Oasis has certainly been living up to their name though. I've left work every day this week wanting to KILL EVERYONE, but Oasis has been able to take me to a better, calmer place. The George Harrison tune "My Sweet Lord" used to do be my close-my-eyes-and-count-to-ten tune, but I lost the CD four years ago and have been a super prick ever since! I think "Champagne Supernova" may turn me back into a pussy again.

There are a ton of liner notes that came along with the album (apparently a DVD came with some sets--not mine) so I will have to comb that for answers. Sorry this "review" fucking sucked. I'm in a hurry and my breath smells like onions. D'ya know what I mean? Here's what a good review of an Oasis album looks like:

Maybe I'll attempt to review that Sara Bareilles album over the weekend. Later MF's.