Forum » Tag: science - Recent Postshttp://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=science
The NewsBiscuit Communityen-USSat, 10 Dec 2016 03:27:38 +0000http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2qhttp://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php
Lobby Derkins on "Search for space waves proves an earful"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=93261#post-270172
Sat, 19 Sep 2015 23:59:13 +0000Lobby Derkins270172@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Scientists searching for gravitational waves have discovered shocking messages hidden in the fabric of the universe.<br />
Boffins bouncing split laser beams to detect the waves at the Advanced Ligo laboratory in the US were left shaken this week after hearing the messages at 100 Hertz.<br />
One of the project workers described what happened: “Never have I heard such filthy language in my life, it really turned the airwaves blue. If that’s what the universe has to tell us, then frankly I’m disgusted.”
</p>Nomad on "Research suggests parasite may be responsible for religious belief"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=90505#post-261447
Mon, 22 Jun 2015 14:09:26 +0000Nomad261447@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz<br />
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz<br />
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz<br />
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz<br />
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz<br />
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz<br />
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
</p>throngsman on "Research suggests parasite may be responsible for religious belief"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=90505#post-261441
Mon, 22 Jun 2015 13:55:20 +0000throngsman261441@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Andrew, don't take this the wrong way but I haven't read past the first sentence. have you read the Guidelines for writers?</p>
<p>This looks way too long for this site, but don't let that stop you submitting other stuff (or editing this down to site norms)
</p>andrewlafleche on "Research suggests parasite may be responsible for religious belief"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=90505#post-261435
Mon, 22 Jun 2015 13:32:46 +0000andrewlafleche261435@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>CALIFORNIA - In 2012, the Czech evolutionary biologist Jaroslav Flegr made headlines for his claim that the parasite <em>Toxoplasma gondii</em> was influencing the way we think and behave.</p>
<p>Since the publication, researchers of the Stanley Medical Research Institute and the John Hopkins University School of Medicine have been investigating the link between <em>T.gondii</em> and schizophrenia. </p>
<p>As terrifying as these discoveries have been, the surprise came earlier this week when microbiologist, Professor Richard J. Hansen, published his study in the Journal of Current Biology. </p>
<p>Professor Hansen, the leading researcher in host-microbe interactions at the University of California, Berkeley, shocked the nation when he published his study illustrating the link between <em>Toxoplasma gondii</em> and Christianity. </p>
<p>Within hours of the study being published, outrage erupted from the Christian community. </p>
<p>As of the printing of this report, the Islamic community has remained silent, presumably because the research did not implicate the Muslim community as infected by the parasite.</p>
<p>Toxoplasma gondii has typically been known to infect cats and has gained notoriety over this past decade for its remarkable ability to move from one host to the next by infecting rats. </p>
<p>Once a rat ingests the parasite, it becomes infectious and travels through the wall of the intestine. The parasite is then carried by the blood to other tissues including the central nervous system. </p>
<p><em>T.gondii</em> hijacks the brain, and the rat, who characteristically feared the smell of cat urine, becomes a 'feline seeking missile.' </p>
<p>Evidence suggests that <em>T.gondii</em> has the rat believe it's sexually attracted to the cat odor. </p>
<p>During a press conference Monday, Hansen shared what provoked his research:</p>
<p>"When I first read the study by Flegr, I wasn't surprised. It would be ridiculous to think that humans were the only warm blooded mammalian species immune to parasitic manipulation. What got my attention was the radical transformation the rat underwent as a result of the parasitic infection. 'The urine, which the rat inherently feared, had become the object of its greatest desire.'"</p>
<p>"Immediately," Hansen continued, "I recalled of the Biblical account of Saul's conversion."</p>
<p>Hansen, to the ridicule of other scientist's in his field, is a professed Christian.</p>
<p>"One moment we have a man who hated the early Christians with such zeal as to have them put to death, and then almost instantaneously while traversing the road to Damascus, he becomes the most fervent advocate for the risen Lord. 'The thing he once hated, he now loved.'" Hansen smiled, and a slight chuckle could be heard around the room; although a brilliant flash of insight is not something to be laughed at. </p>
<p>Isaac Newton's apple is a notable example. </p>
<p>The young Newton is sitting in his garden when an apple falls on his head; in a sudden stroke of insight, he developed his theory of gravity.</p>
<p>"For some time," Hansen continued, "I've know that my spiritual beliefs could not be resolved with what we know about our world, but I was unable to shake the experience I had as a Christian. Similar to the apple's effect on Newton, Flegr's study suddenly clarified the entire Christian issue to me."</p>
<p>Hansen theorized since <em>T.gondii</em> had already been observed to perform surgical-like alterations in a rodent's brain while simultaneously causing behavioural modifications, then a similar outcome might be achieved in humans.</p>
<p><em>T.gondii</em> performs these alterations in rats to increase the chance of it being eating by a cat, as the parasite can only sexually reproduce in a cat's digestive system. The changes only affect the rat's fear of cats leaving all other areas of the rodent's behaviour unaffected.</p>
<p>Similar manipulations have been observed with other parasites such as The Lancet liver fluke <em>Dicrocoelium dendriticum</em>, which can only reproduce in the liver of a cow, and uses an ant host to complete its reproductive cycle. </p>
<p>Once <em>D.dendriticum</em>, is excreted from the cow and ingested by an ant, the parasite executes a series of precise alterations causing the ant to climb a blade of grass in order to increase the likelihood of being consumed by a grazing animal. </p>
<p>The ant will perch itself atop the blade of grass all night, but if it hasn't been ingested by morning, the parasite releases its command over the insect in order to allow the ant to carry out the routine of a normal day. D.dendriticum does this out of necessary survival - in order to avoid being baked alive in the heat of the day's sun. At dusk, the parasite resumes control and the ant resumes its position perched atop a blade of grass.</p>
<p>According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, a third of all humans carry <em>Toxoplasma gondii</em>.</p>
<p>In a Pew-Templeton Global Religious Futures Project report published late last year, the world Christian population was 2,168,330,00. At that time, the global population was recorded at 6.9 billion, indicating the percentage of the world's population that is Christian at 31.4%, or approximately a third of all human beings.</p>
<p>Before Hansen could begin his study he needed to confirm religious adherents were infected by <em>Toxoplasma gondii</em>. In the United States it is estimated that 1 in 4 persons carry the parasite, so this initial probe would not confirm his theory, but serve to confirm the need for further investigation. </p>
<p>Hansen's first study was limited to 32 people, members of the Calvary Missionary Baptist Church, in Richmond California. <em>T.gondii</em> can be detected by a simple blood test. The results were encouraging; all 32 volunteers tested positive for the parasite.</p>
<p>Hansen expanded his research to include: 408 Catholics, 610 Muslims, 107 Hindus, 1003 Jews, and 230 Protestant Christians.</p>
<p>Hansen had incorrectly hypothesized all religious adherence was a symptom of parasitic manipulation. </p>
<p>His experiment revealed that only the individuals adhering to either Catholicism or Christianity tested positive for <em>T.gondii</em>. Further investigation would clarify results. T.gondii infects humans in multiple ways including eating raw or undercooked meat containing the parasite in tissue cysts - usually pork. </p>
<p>Once infected, and in order to begin its reconstruction of the brain cells, Toxoplasma gondii must first find its way to the host's brain. To accomplish this task, <em>T.gondii</em> employs white blood cells to serve as transportation. This is a bold move as white blood cells are normally the primary defence against foreign pathogens. While on route to the brain, the parasite begins to divide asexually in order to advance its spread throughout the host body. Although not yet completely understood, it is presumed that <em>T.gondii</em> is aware that it has infected a "dead-end" host - as the parasite can only sexually reproduce in the stomach of a cat - and performs this act of asexual reproduction to be capable of being shed from its human host in a strategic move to find its way back into a cat's digestive system.</p>
<p>"From an evolutionary standpoint, we don't know why <em>T.gondii</em> hijacks the human brain, we just know that it does," Hansen stated. "The advantage has not yet been discovered." </p>
<p>When <em>T.gondii</em> completes its migration to the brain it settles as a cyst in the prefrontal cortex. The prefrontal cortex, or PFC, is located at the front of the brain underneath the forehead. The PFC is the most evolved portion of the brain and is the area where critical thinking skills originate.</p>
<p>To the educated person, religious beliefs have always been beyond the scope of rational discourse with their adherents impossible to take seriously. Experts have long considered religiosity to be a mental disorder.</p>
<p>The association of <em>Toxoplasmsa gondii</em> with mental disorder has been well documented in over 50 published studies.</p>
<p>Hansen, who also tested positive for <em>T.gondii</em>, conducted the next phase of research on himself. An MRI discovered an enrichment of parasitic cysts in the limbic system at the prefrontal cortex. </p>
<p>The <em>T.gondii</em> cysts serve at a control center for the parasite, where it overrides the host's most basic cognitive functions.</p>
<p>In the rat we observed how its survival skills were overridden; in humans we observe a similar phenomenon with religious adherence equal to the death of the mind.</p>
<p>"Magnetic resonance imaging revealed parasitic cysts in my brain," Hansen said. "They were located near the prefrontal cortex and, in theory, could have been interfering with my abstracting ability."</p>
<p>Hansen recalled a study published in the American Journal of Pathology where it suggested the possibility of developing a vaccine that would eliminate cysts from patients with chronic infection. Its secondary ability would be to prevent the establishment of reinfection.</p>
<p>He contacted the authors of the study and discovered that the vaccine had been produced and was undergoing clinical trials. Through an exchange of research material, Hansen was able to participate in the vaccination round and was given permission to publish his own findings. </p>
<p>The vaccine successfully removed the cysts from his brain; however the secondary objective of preventing reinfection remains inconclusive.</p>
<p>"Within two weeks of receiving the vaccine, all of my Christian beliefs disappeared," Hansen said proudly. "I could no longer assert the absurd tenants of the religion. I'm actually embarrassed that I believed such nonsense; I now know it was because I was infected, but it's still enough to knock my ego down a couple pegs."</p>
<p>It took about two weeks from when the vaccine was administered for the antibodies to develop in Hansen's body and dissolve the cysts. Subsequent MRI's confirmed the dissolution of the parasitical cysts. </p>
<p><strong>This achievement may indicate that Christianity is a preventable disease.</strong></p>
<p>Development of a cost effective <em>T.gondii</em> toxoid-containing vaccine is underway.</p>
<p>Hansen replicated his results on the 32 people involved in his initial study. The pastor of Calvary Missionary Baptist Church, along with leaders from churches across the country are warning their congregations about Professor Hansen, referring to him as one of the seven heads of the beast described in the book of Revelations. They are advising Christians everywhere to refuse vaccination, postulating reference to 'the mark of the beast.'</p>
<p>Despite Hansen's confidence in his study, the scientific community remains cautious and recommends attempting to replicate his findings. Hansen admits that his sample sizes were small and the results do not definitively demonstrate T.gondii as the cause of a person's Christianity. </p>
<p>"This is only a preliminary study," Hansen said at the press conference. "But it's plausible. We finally have a plausible explanation for the irrationality of Christian beliefs. Could you imagine all the hostility directed towards Christians being replaced with the empathy we view the poor AIDS infected children of Africa? This is progress."
</p>S-Bahn on ""Science Not For Girls" - Eminent Scientist Self-Destructs Career"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=90133#post-260411
Thu, 11 Jun 2015 14:22:11 +0000S-Bahn260411@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>White dude breaks silence and confirms what Yorkie was trying to tell us all along, science is not for girls. The brave words come from Tim Hunt, stuff-knower and recipient of the 2001 Nobel Prize, a nerd award like GQ man of the year for the unattractive and dateless. </p>
<p>‘It’s their boobs, you see. They stick out, knocking down test tubes all over the show. They’re forever colliding into expensive equipment with their birthing hips as they sashay through the lab trying to get the approval of the highest ranking, alpha scientist. It’s an epidemic; millions of pounds worth of damage is being done to labs every year.’ </p>
<p>Hunt has been quick to defend himself from accusations of sexism. ‘I don’t want to stand in the way of women in science, we’ll always need new hair dye, but if they could just cover themselves from head to toe in a thick Elephant man like burka, or wear masks of virile masculine icon Steven Seagal, maybe we’d get something done’.</p>
<p>The microscope wrangler’s comments have resonated with the repressed eighty per cent of man-science-doers and been joined by voices from the academic community, such as marine biologist Jay Briggs. ‘Woman’re a pain in the arse in the field. Every month when a researcher’s velvet fume box is visited by the crimson blob goblin, the manta rays go crazy. How’re you supposed to investigate natural myliobatodae behaviour when they’re in constant blood frenzy? Ridiculous. Science has always been Schlong-a-thon, it should stay a schlong-a-thon’.</p>
<p>Emboldened, others have come forward with their personal tales of heartbreak, such as this anonymous post grad led astray by a fellow student’s brazen strumpetry. ‘She only had to flutter her eyelashes and I was hooked. All I could think about was that underneath her clothes she had undies, and under her undies she had nipples. Lady nipples. I was obsessed. Soon I was doing her coursework; I was failing out, but I couldn’t stop. It only ended when my supervisor caught me sniffing her lab coat.’ </p>
<p>Association for Women in Science spokesperson commented ‘Oh you’ve finally discovered our secret feminazi plan to enslave men with our magic fanny powers, so we can synthase the elixir of eternal youth out of non-traditional gender roles and blue balls. Clever you’ in an act of sarcasm so monumental it may provide sufficient fuel for an unmanned mission to Mars.
</p>nhojbg on "Nobel Prize nomination after discovery of Jimmy Savile wonder metal"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=85804#post-248763
Thu, 22 Jan 2015 10:12:46 +0000nhojbg248763@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Physicists from America were hailed today after their creation of what has become known as the Jimmy Savile of material physics, a metal which is so utterly repellent even water bounces off it.</p>
<p>“The name, unlike everything else we've thrown at it has just kinda stuck” said Professor Bill Paxton, head of Applied Physics at the University of Rochester, New York.
</p>cyanidebaby on "Ground-Breaking Surgery Means Professor Brian Cox No Longer Has To Smile"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=85746#post-248631
Tue, 20 Jan 2015 17:29:55 +0000cyanidebaby248631@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>One may be forgiven for believing that Professor Brian Cox is just a chipper kind of chap, he seems enthusiastic, and as a brilliant physicist, award-winning presenter, and housewives’ heartthrob, he has every reason to smile, but today the popular scientist revealed the real reason he looks so cheerful- a rare muscular condition that has made it impossible for him to stop grinning since infancy.<br />
The genetic condition, known as Muscular Smiloscrophy, more commonly known as Annoyingly Optimistic Bastard’s Disease forces the zygomatic major muscle and the orbicularis oculi muscle to remain fully contracted at all times, resulting in a toothy, painful smile which never disappears.<br />
Cox stated: “It was incredibly painful, like my jaw was stuck in a medieval rack. At one point, it was life-threatening, but since I constantly looked like the Cheshire fucking cat, everyone thought I was fine. I even got offered advertising deals with Colgate because my teeth virtually took over my face for a while. “<br />
Cox was forced to go to a private hospital in the US, because the NHS simply couldn’t accommodate him. US surgeons used tiny subcutaneous laser pens to stimulate the muscles and tendons. When he woke, the first thing he saw was Sean Hannity, at which point he immediately frowned and shook his head.<br />
A spokesperson for the NHS said: ‘We’re sorry that Professor Cox had to go private, but the corrective procedure costs thousands, and Josie Cunningham was in desperate need of a free boob. Choices were made and we still don’t regret them .
</p>flash1189 on "IDS slams "workshy" Philae lander"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=83897#post-243658
Wed, 19 Nov 2014 14:56:31 +0000flash1189243658@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Government workhouse supremo Ian Duncan Smith is said to be "disgusted" at the "shiftless" performance of Eurospaces' Philae lander. He said, <blockquote> This bone-idle contraption was transported a billion miles at the taxpayers expense, and when it got there it finds a nice shady crater AND GOES TO SLEEP! It should take a leaf out of the Mars rovers' book: tons of unplanned overtime at no extra cost. I mean, Christ: if robots won't be good slaves, then what chance do we have with people? </blockquote>
</p>Anonymous on "World Health Organisation vows to help neurotic office workers"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=79966#post-232650
Wed, 13 Aug 2014 14:53:55 +0000Anonymous232650@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>The WHO vows to help neurotic office worker sat opposite that annoying, downtrodden guy who comes in, slightly ill, selfishly sneezing all day.</p>
<p>The WHO said it was ethical in light of the scale of the outbreak and high number of commuters , neurotically convinced they have " definitely got flu now. Possibly worse.." after being unable to stop counting the number of people they hear sneezing on the train - more than 1,000 people in Berkshire this week.</p>
<p>The statement was made after its medical experts met in Switzerland on Monday to discuss the issue.<br />
But officials warned there were very limited supplies of potential treatments.</p>
<p>The WHO said where experimental treatments are used - such as locking colleagues in stationery cupboards, manically smearing them in antiseptic hand gel or taping up their mouths with sellotape - there must be informed consent and the results of the treatment collected and shared.</p>
<p>In a statement, it said: "In the particular circumstances, and provided certain conditions are met, the panel reached consensus that it is ethical to offer unproven interventions if only to stop mass tutting and headshaking across desks in UK offices."</p>
<p>But the organisation conceded there were still many questions to be answered including what to do with people who spit when they talk in work canteens. It was also unclear where the funding for the treatment would come from and couldn't comment on a designer in Newbury who offered to give up a months wages to "sort out these walking deseases".</p>
<p> Last week the WHO declared the was a global health emergency.
</p>Wrenfoe on "Tim Berners-Lee "a fake identity""http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=73266#post-214828
Mon, 10 Mar 2014 15:58:15 +0000Wrenfoe214828@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>NiB gratz
</p>TobiasBV on "Tim Berners-Lee "a fake identity""http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=73266#post-214821
Mon, 10 Mar 2014 15:37:02 +0000TobiasBV214821@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>I liked this alot, and nicely cleaned up by the ed. Very good work.
</p>Andy Gilder on "Tim Berners-Lee "a fake identity""http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=73266#post-214804
Mon, 10 Mar 2014 13:02:44 +0000Andy Gilder214804@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Yeah, I was trying to think of what the internet is known for, so it was either make the whole thing a cat creation or TB-L to be a pseudonym for Ron Jeremy looking to create an outlet for his porn colection.
</p>Sinnick on "Tim Berners-Lee "a fake identity""http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=73266#post-214784
Mon, 10 Mar 2014 11:54:26 +0000Sinnick214784@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>I like the idea that either TBL or the Internet is a fake or alias, and I think there might be a good story there, for publication Wednesday.</p>
<p>Personally, I don't think the cats story works, so I've given a rather rare and ambiguous 3* as an obscure compromise.
</p>Titus on "Tim Berners-Lee "a fake identity""http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=73266#post-214776
Mon, 10 Mar 2014 11:03:42 +0000Titus214776@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>"Entire Internet A Hoax" revelation by T B-L
</p>Wrenfoe on "Tim Berners-Lee "a fake identity""http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=73266#post-214763
Mon, 10 Mar 2014 10:22:07 +0000Wrenfoe214763@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>I liked this one (have some starz)
</p>Andy Gilder on "Tim Berners-Lee "a fake identity""http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=73266#post-214711
Sun, 09 Mar 2014 21:56:24 +0000Andy Gilder214711@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>On the 25th anniversary of the invention of the World Wide Web, its creator Tim Berners-Lee has been exposed as a fake identity.</p>
<p>"Berners-Lee" was created by a pack of stray cats that hung around the CERN facility in Switzerland and scavenged from the bins. Using human skin flakes collected from roller towels in the toilets, the cats constructed a functioning suit they hid in and moved around CERN undetected.</p>
<p>Using their newly created identity, the cats went on to design the template and structure for the internet as we know it. While their motives remain unclear, it is thought they just wanted an outlet for their large collection of selfies.
</p>Dick Everyman on "Universities to change science degree award to BA (Hons)"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=71461#post-210064
Tue, 04 Feb 2014 08:42:25 +0000Dick Everyman210064@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Do you work in Education?
</p>Robert Koch on "Universities to change science degree award to BA (Hons)"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=71461#post-210059
Tue, 04 Feb 2014 07:34:50 +0000Robert Koch210059@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>The minister for science and reducing education, Mr Wallets, is delighted to announce that the new model for UK science policy is taking effect. Mr Wallets was visiting Fogthorn College this week to open the new virtual school of radio science programming at the University of the Rest of England. Here, a suite of brand new computers, cleverly wired-up to a microphone was unveiled. It is widely acknowledged in the DoH that such cutting-edge science education is essential for preparing our next generation of STEM graduates for a career in consummer friendly science radio programmes. ‘’Whilst we are making terrific savings in our health service by privatising all essential pathology services, selling off the vital state energy supplies and closing down the unprofitable environment agencies, we can now boast that all the science needs of this country can be delivered via BBC Radio 4’’ siad Mr Walletts after a grinning on the podium with the University’s Professor of Outreach, R. Koch (prounounced Cox). ‘’We are a world leader in measuring our science output’’ said Mr Wallets, who was keen to point out how scared multidrug resistant bacteria were becoming at the thought of Stephen Fry doing a 6 part series on the use of disinfectants in the home.<br />
‘’For too long we have had to put up with impenetrable economics reports on the Today programme’’ said one white Anglo-Saxon male student before being cut off by Kirsty Young, one of the course tutors ‘’That’s right, we can now compress nuclear physics to a sound bite no longer than the lifetime of a Boggs Hisson particle’’. After a phone-in debate with Julian Worriker on the availability of aromatherapy treatments for malaria, the event was closed with a raffle opened for a set of teak laboratory benches that were coming available from the old chemistry labs.<br />
The new BA (Hons) course will be available as a pdf from the URE at standard course rates for UK students from September.
</p>james_doc on "New Unit for Twitter Outrage Ratified"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=70796#post-208298
Thu, 16 Jan 2014 10:56:42 +0000james_doc208298@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>The International Bureau of Weights and Measures today announced an eighth unit would be added to the SI bases that dominate commerce and science in the modern world.<br />
Unlike the other seven base units, the new metric will be used within social media to measure the importance of an event by the use of a specific tag or through repeated sharing.<br />
The new unit, defined at 10,000 usages per second, has been the named the #Cyrus, after the infamous event in 2013 where former teen-idol Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke’s dance at the MTV VMA’s caused a temporary appearance of the dreaded “Fail Whale” on devices around the world. The Whale has since been tagged and released into the wild, where it is said to be thriving.<br />
As such, all news reports using Twitter as a source have been asked by the BIPM to adopt the new unit forthwith. For example, Beyonce’s announcement of her pregnancy now registers 0.8#C, with the current record being set by a transmission of classic Anime film “Castle in the Sky”, where 14#C was generated by watchers tweeting the word “Balse” at a specific moment.<br />
Attempts to break this record in the UK were thwarted when one of the main instigators allowed his spellchecker to change the wording, with the attempt going out as “Ed Balls” and only attracting 1p#C.</p>
<p>Hat tip to rhymenocerous
</p>AReader on "Nobel Chemistry shortlist ‘strongest and shiniest ever’"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=69709#post-204845
Wed, 04 Dec 2013 23:27:21 +0000AReader204845@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Like.
</p>Fray Brentos on "Nobel Chemistry shortlist ‘strongest and shiniest ever’"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=69709#post-204830
Wed, 04 Dec 2013 20:19:37 +0000Fray Brentos204830@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>The shortlist for next year’s Nobel Prize for Chemistry, to be awarded on 29 April, was yesterday announced to a packed press conference in Stockholm.</p>
<p>Chairman of the Board of Directors, Dr Hendrik Ssonofabitch hailed the unparalleled quality of this year’s candidates. ‘Amazing advances are being made in all fields of chemistry, but none more so than in the consumer hair care market’, he said.</p>
<p>Amateur homosexual and Head of Research for Herbal Essences Herbert Blockhead was the first to have his candidature announced, nominated by the Nobel Committee for his work in synthesising Elastese. This compound element (atomic weight: bouncy) makes your hair feel fresh and alive and, when mixed with avocado and mango, leaves you feeling up to 69% more energised. Herbal Essences (a division of Johnson &amp; Johnson, a family company) also claim to make women do a orgasm in the shower.</p>
<p>Second on the list is freelance vivisectionist and Pantene Pro-V’s technical director Nancy Moron. Her latest innovation, Neutro-Ceramides, which nourish the hair from the root upwards for a finish that really glows, is being heralded as the most important chemical breakthrough since Salon Selectives introduced a range of shampoos and conditioners ‘specifically tailored to your hair type’, itself the most significant development since the discovery of DNA.</p>
<p>The third and final nomination was for cosmetics giant Max Factor, celebrating his team’s tireless efforts to harness the power of Proformium, a complex formula that breathes life back into lifeless hair. Mr Factor declined to answer specific questions about the properties of Proformium, but stressed that it offered stylist finishes at high street prices.</p>
<p>The committee also highly commended research units at L’Oreal for Nutrillium, Pro-Tensium and Boswelox (because they were worth it), Nivea for Aquaspheres and Olay for Penta-Peptides, and called for a complete reworking of the Periodic Table to include these new advances, increasing the number of recognised elements from 118 to 42,304. </p>
<p>Dr Roger D Kornberg of Stanford University, Nobel Laureate in 2006 for his research into the molecular basis of eukaryotic transcription, described the 2008 shortlist as ‘disgracefully trivial’. Dr Kornberg is bald.
</p>King Pigeon on "Mars Robot Explorers Just Men in Robot Suits"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=68765#post-201623
Thu, 07 Nov 2013 12:46:04 +0000King Pigeon201623@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>It's a very nice idea, but we missed the boat on Halloween.</p>
<p>One thing I'd change about the above; replacing the word "popularly" with "now" in the final paragraph, since the NASA revelations are brand new.
</p>Dumbnews on "Mars Robot Explorers Just Men in Robot Suits"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=68765#post-201566
Wed, 06 Nov 2013 19:04:05 +0000Dumbnews201566@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>How about:</p>
<p>"Mars Robot Explorer Just Man in Halloween costume", says NASA
</p>King Pigeon on "Mars Robot Explorers Just Men in Robot Suits"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=68765#post-201559
Wed, 06 Nov 2013 17:51:09 +0000King Pigeon201559@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>In a stunning revelation that has set Mars exploration back by at least a decade, NASA has revealed that the Mars rovers are not real robots, but simply men in robot suits.</p>
<p>The announcement was made during a press conference held at NASA Headquarters at 3 PM EST today, and carried live on the internet.</p>
<p>"After the enormous success and unexpected popularity of the Mars Pathfinder mission, hubris overcame us," a somber Charles Bolden, Administrator of NASA, announced. "We knew that we did not have the technological capability to send even more sophisticated robots to Mars, despite the public's demand that we do so. Thus, we reached for an easy option: dressing human beings in robot costumes and sending them to the Martian surface."</p>
<p>The deception began three years before the 2003 launch of the Spirit rover, when NASA put "little person" Marcus Sanford through a rigorous astronaut training program. He was launched into space and reached the Martian surface in January 2004. For almost six years after the landing, the public was duped into believing that Spirit was a robot controlled by NASA engineers on the ground, when in fact the rover was merely controlled from the inside by Mr. Sanford. (In late 2009, when Mr. Sanford's food supplies ran out, NASA announced that Spirit had become "stuck.")</p>
<p>Several so-called rovers still operate in the Martian climate, but all, NASA concedes, are merely people in costume, pantomiming scientific experiments while awaiting their inevitable deaths.</p>
<p>The stunning revelation has led to a review of many other so-called "robotic" NASA operations, including the Huygen's probe, which landed on Saturn's largest moon, Titan, in January 2005. Huygens is popularly believed to have been piloted by Marsha Walters, a "little person" who disappeared from her Nashville, TN residence in October 1997, about the same time the Cassini-Huygens spacecraft was launched.
</p>Dan Beige on "Scientists uncertain if Nobel Prize for Physics actually awarded"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=67706#post-198194
Wed, 09 Oct 2013 22:08:03 +0000Dan Beige198194@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Debate has erupted in scientific circles following the awarding of the Nobel Prize to particle physics pioneers Peter Higgs and Francois Englert. Celebrations were short-lived, as quantum physicists reminded the committee that observing any entity has an effect on it: as Peter Higgs hadn’t turned up to the ceremony, no one could be certain whether he accepted the prize or not. Indeed no one could really be certain if he still existed, or had ever existed at all.</p>
<p>Professor Higgs proposed the ‘God particle’ in a theoretical paper written in the 1960s, just before Professor Englert postulated a similar particle. Thanks to Higgs, the particle is now known as the Higgs Boson, rather than the Englert Boson, or the Kibble-Brout-Cern-Royal Swedish Academy Boson.</p>
<p>The Higgs Boson gives everything in the universe its mass, and has lately attracted the attention of dieters. Joachim Dunstable of ‘Lose Weight: Fast’, is advertising a new program that promises dieters they can annihilate 8 trillion Higgs Bosons in under two weeks.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, Al Gore has stated that he invented the Higgs Boson, claiming that no one with any certainty can prove otherwise.</p>
<p>The Higgs Boson was unavailable for comment.
</p>sredni vashta on "Star Wars fan devastated to discover saga riddled with scientific inaccuracies."http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=62262#post-181328
Sat, 08 Jun 2013 13:01:45 +0000sredni vashta181328@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Cheers. Just made a couple of small changes.
</p>Wrenfoe on "Star Wars fan devastated to discover saga riddled with scientific inaccuracies."http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=62262#post-181322
Sat, 08 Jun 2013 12:28:37 +0000Wrenfoe181322@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Nice one :)
</p>Arthur on "Star Wars fan devastated to discover saga riddled with scientific inaccuracies."http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=62262#post-181321
Sat, 08 Jun 2013 12:25:58 +0000Arthur181321@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p><strong><font size="+4">No! Tell us it's not true!</strong></font>
</p>sredni vashta on "Star Wars fan devastated to discover saga riddled with scientific inaccuracies."http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=62262#post-181318
Sat, 08 Jun 2013 12:09:37 +0000sredni vashta181318@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>A lifelong Star Wars devotee has found his life in disarray after discovering that the blockbuster saga is riddled with scientific inaccuracies and implausibilities.</p>
<p>Tony Mathews, 46, had been a dedicated fan since 1977, collecting thousands of pounds worth of memorabilia and merchandise, attending dozens of conventions, naming his children after Star Wars characters and even describing The Phantom Menace as "somewhat underrated".</p>
<p>Sadly this recently came to an end when his eldest son, Ackbar, gave him a copy of Astrophysics For Dummies as a birthday present.</p>
<p>"It opened my eyes and crushed my soul", says a still distraught Tony. "I'd always assumed that George Lucas had constructed the Star Wars universe with painstaking scientific accuracy so you can imagine my dismay at discovering that there's no sound in space and asteroids don't possess Earth-like gravity. I grew up believing that the wail of a Tie Fighter was the coolest sound ever but it's a lie, a complete fabrication. A Tie Fighter would actually cruise through space to the sound of complete silence. Why did no-one tell George? Were they afraid?</p>
<p>"And don't talk to me about hyperspace. I took it as a given that hyperspace was a provable fact. I mean how else could we travel to the stars? It would take years. But no, it's just another piece of bulls*** that George made up. And let me tell you about parsecs. A paresec is a measurement of distance not time so all that stuff about making the Kessel Run in twelve parsecs makes no sense whatsoever - it's just gibberish. Does the word 'research' mean nothing in Hollywood?"</p>
<p>Tony reserves much of his scorn for one of the most fundamental ingredients of the franchise.</p>
<p>"The Force? It's just f***ing magic! It's as scientifically sound as a coachload of creationists en route to Atlantis. And to think I used to ridicule Lord of the Rings fans for their interest in hocus-pocus. God what a fool I feel."</p>
<p>Tony has recently announced that he will be switching his allegiances to Doctor Who. "They treat science with respect on that show," he says.
</p>brianflan on "‘Large Hadron Collider a scam’ says 3 armed scientist"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=62113#post-180891
Tue, 04 Jun 2013 23:54:02 +0000brianflan180891@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>She's Angela's secret twin. They bring her our now and again.</p>
<p>Good spot Sredni. To be honest I can't believe I put that. The wife and I were talking about a mutual friend Angela so one can only assume that had something to do with it.....I think there is a psychological term for it....oh yes - idiocy.
</p>