You see, worried about his dog suddenly becoming cross-eyed, Amir brought his dog to the vet, who pulled out a tube, stuck it in the dog's butt and blew hard. Bingo! The dog's eyes straitened out.

A little while later, while his buddy JaVale McGee was visiting, the dog's eyes went cross-eyed again, but Amir figured he just take care of it himself. He pulled a tube from his hookah, stuck it in the dog's butt, but his blowing into the tube wasn't doing the trick. JaVale said, hey let me give it a go, then promptly pulled the tube out, reversed the ends and proceeded to blow the dog's eyes straight.

Amir was in shock though, and asked JaVale why the hell he had reversed the tube. JaVale said "I wasn't going to use the end YOU put your lips on!".

After that incident, Amir just wants to make sure he has extra tubes handy, in case any friends are around when his dog goes cross-eyed. That's all there is to it.

The offseason program is even less stringent. The protocol the NBA negotiated with the players' association calls for a tester to arrive in the city where the player is supposed to be, then phone the player and arrange to meet. What cheating athlete wouldn’t love such polite advance notice? That means the player is guaranteed some time alone before seeing the tester.

One last unknowable element: What if players do a sloppy job of reporting their whereabouts and are in fact not in the city when the tester arrives? By rule, that counts as a refused test, and therefore as a positive. But it’s hard to know how rigorously that rule has been enforced: The NBA has been testing players for performance-enhancing drugs in-season since 1999 and out-of-season starting last summer. No one has been punished for missing a test.

Everybody knows that lots of players smoke weed, both in-season and in the offseason. You don't get busted for it unless you're really, really stupid.

That said, getting your picture taken coming out of a smoke shop with your ladyfriend carrying a vapourizer could perhaps be classified as "really, really stupid."

(But then again, Joakim Noah's been photographed more than a few times in smoke shops and/or jamming out to Bob Marley and professing his love of Rastafarianism, and has yet to be busted, soooooo....)

You see, worried about his dog suddenly becoming cross-eyed, Amir brought his dog to the vet, who pulled out a tube, stuck it in the dog's butt and blew hard. Bingo! The dog's eyes straitened out.

A little while later, while his buddy JaVale McGee was visiting, the dog's eyes went cross-eyed again, but Amir figured he just take care of it himself. He pulled a tube from his hookah, stuck it in the dog's butt, but his blowing into the tube wasn't doing the trick. JaVale said, hey let me give it a go, then promptly pulled the tube out, reversed the ends and proceeded to blow the dog's eyes straight.

Amir was in shock though, and asked JaVale why the hell he had reversed the tube. JaVale said "I wasn't going to use the end YOU put your lips on!".

After that incident, Amir just wants to make sure he has extra tubes handy, in case any friends are around when his dog goes cross-eyed. That's all there is to it.

I feel ... Not good inside ... for having read that.

"That was Nasty right? Cocked that Joint back and banged on 'em." -James Johnson