7. A man called his mother in Florida, "Mom, how are you? "Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"
The mother answered, "Because; I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."

8. A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play. She asks, "What part is it?
The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."
The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."

9. Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?
A: Under the vacuum cleaner.

10. Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody."

11. Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat.

12. Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said "Lady I haven't eaten in three days." "Force yourself," she replied.

13. Q : What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

Though she wasn't Jewish we lost another great one yesterday when Phyllis Diller died at 95. I saw her once in person and she was a riot. That was on a Friday night. Sunday there was an Ed Sullivan special on commemorating some sort of anniversary of his program. They were featuring acts that he was instrumental in making famous. They had excerpts of not only Elvis and the Beatles but of Phyllis Diller. She used the exact same lines THEN as I'd heard two nights before. They were STILL funny and clean to boot. I wonder what our kids and grand-kids will mourn the loss of when they are our ages?