There are various reasons I want to lose weight. Most revolve around vanity and feeling better about myself. But most important has to be my health. This is no longer about being a certain size, looking a certain way, or liking what I see in the mirror. It’s about my quality of life. It’s about having a life at all.

My dad’s family has a history of heart disease. My dad had to have bypass surgery several years ago. I was put on blood pressure medicine a few years ago. Last year, after losing weight and exercising regularly, I was able to come off the meds. Lately, my blood pressure has been high again.

I’ve had intense headaches that I think are linked to the blood pressure. Last night and this morning I had a headache that wouldn’t budge. Nothing made it go away. My blood pressure was 146/96. Those numbers are more important than the numbers on the scale or the number of the size of my clothes. It’s time to stop playing around and time to get serious about my health.

Last week I was doing well. I ate better and stuck to the lifting schedule of New Rules of Lifting. As a result, I lost weight. Proof this really works if you do it.

Then the weekend came and I ate the wrong things and drank too much. I snacked instead of eating real meals. Drinking too much Saturday led to a nasty hangover Sunday that made me skip breakfast but then have a greasy burger for lunch.

I’ve said before that I’m a creature of habit. So those two days were enough to throw everything off. This past week has been a series of false starts. I start each day with good intentions and end the days eating or drinking something I shouldn’t. I didn’t exercise at all. So I gained weight. Proof eating/drinking too much and no exercise makes you gain weight.

I know what to do. I’ve done what needs to be done. Why do I fall backwards and mess up all the good I’ve done? Will I ever figure out how to keep the momentum going once I get back on track? Why do I always fight so hard against myself?

I tend to be an all or nothing kinda girl when it comes to weight loss. I jump into something new all gung-ho with tons of motivation and determination. I follow the program of the moment point by point without wavering. Then something happens…a small stumble or bump in the road and I lose all focus. I use that one slip up as an excuse to do (eat) whatever I want with the idea that I’ll get back on track the next day and be perfect (which is never possible). Stupid logic. I think it was Jillian Michaels that said something like if you have a flat tire, you don’t puncture the other three to make up for it.

To keep from staying in this cycle of being strict, slipping up, having a free for all, beating myself up, being strict again, I’m going to stop trying to do everything at once. I’m just setting myself up to stumble and fail. So, I’m going to pick a few things to focus on each week.

Here’s the focus for this coming week:

I’m doing The New Rules of Lifting for Women challenge on Prior Fat Girl. So, the first goal is to follow the workout plan in it.

Drink at least 64 oz of water a day.

Track my food on myfitnesspal. I’ll try to stay within my calorie limit, but the real focus will just be on tracking no matter what. Even if I go over, I’ll write down every single thing I eat.

I hate journaling/tracking what I eat. It’s tedious and reinforces my preoccupation and obsession with food. BUT, it works. The reason it works is because it makes me aware of what I’m eating. It forces me to stop and think about what I’m eating. It makes me pay attention to what I’m putting into my body. It helps me decide what’s worth it and what isn’t. Without tracking, I’d never know the amount of calories in some of the food I eat…it’s more than you think!!

Example: This morning I wanted a croissant from Sonic. I know it’s not great for me, but figured it can’t be that bad. It is that bad. I made myself look it up on myfitnesspal. Glad I did. Depending on which croissant I got, it was between 500 and 600 calories. Half my calories for the day. HALF!!!

The past few weekends I’ve been running away to the lake. At times it’s been fun and exciting. Other times it’s been relaxing and peaceful. I’ve ridden the jetski, boat, inner tube, or just floated on the water. I got stuck in a rainstorm when the jetski broke down. One of the most fun days I’ve had lately.

Last weekend I took the dog down. He wasn’t sure what to do in water where he couldn’t touch the entire time. He’s used to creeks where he can splash and play, but always touch. It took a little while with him pawing at the water, but he finally got in to swim a little…even at night. Here are a few pictures (I can’t believe I’m posting pictures of me in a bathing suit).

There have always been times when we wish life had a rewind or reset button. Right now I’m just searching for the restart button. Lately things have felt out of control. Everything from not eating right, to not exercising, to liking a new guy who it seems pretty clear things aren’t meant to be.

I’ve lost focus. Stopped caring. Stopped trying. So, I’ve gained weight. I was in a cycle of gaining, losing, gaining again. Now I’m just on a course of gaining.

This past week I’ve gained a lot. A.Lot. More than I should have and more than I can explain. I don’t understand it. But no matter the reason, it’s here and I have to stop playing around and get serious again. My clothes don’t fit like they used to (not really tighter, they just feel different) and my blood pressure has been up a little. That’s what scares me. This isn’t just about looking better, fitting into smaller clothes, and feeling better about myself. It’s about my health. It’s about my life. It’s time to get control over my life again. It’s time to restart.

A few weeks ago I went to Destin, FL for a conference and got to spend a little time on the beach. I grew up going to the Atlantic Ocean, either in South Carolina or Florida. But, once I moved to Alabama, I fell in love with the Gulf. The water is gorgeous and the beaches are soft and white. It was the perfect relaxing mini vacation.