bachao!!!!!

Very often we come to the crossroads of life. Everybody does but as far as I am concerned I seem to come to it more often than not. I have no idea whether my crossroads are more normal than others or for I have not compared notes with the others……. but let me not evaluate the same and deal with the said situation.

They say that every problem where decision making is needed is a situation and an opportunity. Well I have mine now……. but my question is that do I take the plunge. Guess I am totally talking in the air and perhaps nobody in the right mind will call me sane…… but that is what I am feeling……… for suddenly all that I wanted to do is now available to me and I am suddenly getting cold feet.

I never ever thought or imagined myself as a teacher……… but that is what I am contemplating doing now……. facing an audience is giving me cold feet. I am having an excellent mentor who is truly guiding me through all of this and making my life so damn simple…….. but I dont seem to be able to get the right perspective of things. Maybe I am too cynical!!! but man presenting a paper in front of an audience…….. the only thing that I want to do is go and lock myself in my room and stay there for years until everybody just forgets about me……. but I don’t think that is an option open for me specially after yesterday. If you are thinking that I challenged somebody to a duel yesterday……. you are absolutely wrong……. rather the opposite……. I just sat there stone faced yesterday when people around me were talking about symposiums and papers and me submitting one……. and I remember looking confused and then probably smiling because as usual I was not getting the drift of the conversation……… I usually don’t understand the academics when they talk………….. and now I am in soup!!! baap re!!!! can i become invisible or something!!!! If not I am going to be facing an audience and I am going to be presenting a paper in some symposium!!!! how the #@$%”>#@$% did I get myself into this mess………. I still don’t know!!!! but if I am into it………. man I have my job cut out for me and it is all looking a mess and the only thing that I am feeling right now is unorganised and not in control………… and man that is absolute catastrophe………….. I am a control freak for crying out loud and now I donno what to do with myself and my whole life……….. it is ruined !!!! I am sure there are lots of people who will kill to be in a situation like this………. but not me!!! I have always played behind the curtains…….. that’s my scene making lives simple for others now in front………….. I want to run!!!!! can I???? don’t think so !!!! and that is not the end of the story………… in six months I have to submit my thesis………….. how bad can that get!!! very very very very baddddddddd!!!!!

how low??? it is already rock bottom cant go lower than that I have to now dig below…… what if at the podium they ask me stuff i have no answers to…… only research scholars and scholars and doctorates etc attend such symposiums…… do they throw chappals and rotten tomatoes at people who make mistakes???? It is not helping dhir try something better !!!!