We have people that work literally all over the world... This occasionally leads to problems with Tax laws in other countries... to resolve this, we do trade outs occasionally...

This involves a person from one rig swapping rigs with a person from another rig in a different part of the world... For example, if I had too many days in Brazil, which due to Brazilian law is never an issue, then I would go work in the gulf for 2 two week hitchs, and the person that normally works in the gulf would come work one 4 week hitch for me... As mentioned, Brazilian Tax Law is such that this is never an issue, but OMG is it a problem in Mexico...

So, how does this translate to food questions being answered...

I worked on a small jack-up in the Gulf of Mexico about nine years ago that had a 20 year old black guy that was the cook... OMG, the food was amazing... He could cook anything... I asked him one day where and how he learned to cook... He siad he learned in his "Momma's Kitchen," a small resturant place that only serves three main courses a day... Some type of Fish, some type of Chicken, and some type of Beef or Pork... and all the fixen's to go with it... I kid you not, this guy could have taken the boot off my foot and made it edible... steel toes and all...

He said that the only problem he ever has is trying to cook the same meals he learned from Momma for 50-70 guys... The recipes do not necessarily transfer just by doubling or tripling the ingredients... The Rig Boss (OIM), had aphone installed in the galley for him, just so he could occasionally call momma to ask a question... Putting a phone in the galley is normally forbidden since no cooking or clothes washing would ever get done... No, they do not wash clothes in the galley, but the Galley Crew is responsible for cleaning the rooms, washing the clothes, and cooking and cleaning the galley...

This guy made hand made from scratch yeast rolls every day... There was always a huge crowd in the galley when he pulled those things out of the oven.... he made enough to eat with every meal if you desired... I've eaten in five star resturants that didn't hold a candle to this guy and his galley... Wow, just wow...

So, back to the trade outs... When a trade out was taking place involving someone on this rig... this young man wasn't allowed to cook for the week or two that the trading person from some other rig was there... Small jack-up rigs have the least pull in the office, and if he cooked when the person from the other rig was there, he would get snatched up and made to go to another rig... So, he was possibly the best kept secret in the Gulf...

Now... for the rest of the rigs I've worked on... It's hit and miss... I've been on a couple of rigs where the food was decent at best, and thats cool... but I've been on rigs that I live on french fries and or peanut butter and jelly for 28 days straight... if we had peanut butter... If not, it was literally french fries... french fries... and more french fries...

The only problem with that in Brazil, is we have no decent bread... They make their own and it's ok to just eat, but it isn't ok for a sandwich... I've actually taken a bowl and put some peanut butter and jelly in it and smashed the bread down into it making a mush like substance that resembled a previously chewed chunk of PB&J, and eaten it with a spoon...

When I worked in Egypt, yeeeecccchhhhhhhhhh We had Camel, goat, and lord knows what else.... "Alll Bheeph"... ask the cooks, that speak only Arabic, and they say "alll Bheeeph..." < said like your coughing up a lung...

We had a camp boss, that actually smuggled bacon, what we call Canadian Bacon into the country from England, and at some time during the hitch... he would run the muslims out of the galley, line a pan with foil, and cook the bacon and made hand made crescent rolls and build a little breakfast sandwich... He would wrap them in foil and hand carry them to us all over the rig... That was a little piece of Heaven on Earth, since we could get no other form of pork over there, and who knows how long he would have rotted in an Egyptian jail if caught smuggling that stuff in...

In Mexico, we had a chicken boat... we called it that since 99% of what we ate was chicken... morning noon and night... When you work for Pemex, the Mexican National Drilling Company, you are allowed one coke a day... period.... and thats only if you are up at noon and able to get it before someone else takes it... I hated working in Mexico.... With a passion... Everyone in the office in Houston knows beyond a shadow of a doubt, if I am ever assigned back there, I will quit... I'll go be a Wal mart Greeter and Park my beloved Camaro in the same parking lot everyday before I will ever go work offshore in Mexico again...

HOLY SHIT!!!

OF all the stuff in here the bowl of peanut butter sammich had me crying...

I can't even begin to tell you all the different ways we'd mix stuff up to be able to choke down a meal on the Carrier...

obviously we put tabasco on EVERYTHING... having a Mexican mother who could cook, being on board were white bread and brown lettuce was the norm I struggled to get some flavor on my food.

One time we had a "taco bar" mostly becasue the sign said so... If my mother ever saw it she would cry I'm sure...

So after choking down some tacos with tomato paste and ground up roast beef dry cheese and brown lettuce... No way in hell I was gonna touch the "sour" creme.... I was like a crack addict for some chips and salsa!!! So I got a bottle of tobasco, Some tomato paste and some of the soggy floury things they called tortillas. I mixed up the salsa and tomato paste till it kinda resembled a salsa like flavor and put the tortillas in the microwave unitl they were crisp and brown... and hard as frisbees...

Crunched em all up am stirred it up in a bowl and ate it with a spoon...

OF all the stuff in here the bowl of peanut butter sammich had me crying...

I can't even begin to tell you all the different ways we'd mix stuff up to be able to choke down a meal on the Carrier...

obviously we put tabasco on EVERYTHING... having a Mexican mother who could cook, being on board were white bread and brown lettuce was the norm I struggled to get some flavor on my food.

One time we had a "taco bar" mostly becasue the sign said so... If my mother ever saw it she would cry I'm sure...

So after choking down some tacos with tomato paste and ground up roast beef dry cheese and brown lettuce... No way in hell I was gonna touch the "sour" creme.... I was like a crack addict for some chips and salsa!!! So I got a bottle of tobasco, Some tomato paste and some of the soggy floury things they called tortillas. I mixed up the salsa and tomato paste till it kinda resembled a salsa like flavor and put the tortillas in the microwave unitl they were crisp and brown... and hard as frisbees...

Crunched em all up am stirred it up in a bowl and ate it with a spoon...

I was in heaven....

Till I had to go number 1.5... NOT good....

We used to have Taco Bars on Wednesday's at lunch... I laughed my butt off the first time I saw the Taco Bell box's in the back of the kitchen... Literally they were the Taco Bell make a taco things you can buy in the grocery store... I live in south Texas... gimmee a break...

Down in Brownsville while working in a shipyard, I got to be good friends with one of the shipyard welders over a two day period of dying in the sun... He was assigned to work with me on rebuilding a big tool. It was August and it was hot... I think we hunted shade more than we worked...

Anyway, I asked this guy if he knew of a good place to get breakfast Taco's. Everyone not associated with the oilfield thinks everybody that works out here is from Louisiana, Mississippi or Alabama... Not so... He said yes he did, and I told him that if he would stop and get some every morning, I would pay for them...

Sure nuff, next morning he shows up with a big bag of tacos... bout 7 dollars worth... I think it was eight or so tacos... I love the Deep south Texas Taco prices... He had these little cups of salsa, one for each taco, and some salt packets... Yum yum... I doctor mine up and start eating... Man was it good... but it wasn't hot... It had great flavor, but it wasn't hot... I looked at him and said... Hey homey, were's the heat... he looked at me and said, dude, where you from... I said... San Antonio is where I grew up... He laughed, and said, dude, I thought you were from Louisiana... I didn't get the real stuff, this is the gringo stuff... So, the next day, he brought the real stuff... Good thing we didn't spill any of that on the deck... It would have eaten a hole in the deck... OMFG was it hot.... I ate it but Dayummmmmmm.... I started sweating early that day...

My last meal on the way here and my first meal when I get back to Texas is ALWAYS MEXICAN FOOD....Not Tex Mex, but authentic Mexican food...Enchiladas con juevos, Miga's, Machado, etc...

Quote:

Originally Posted by MisterCamaro69

Ya'll are crazy

I always assumed that was the one thing the off-shore guys got was great food... I assumed wrong

We thought that was a perk of working out here as well, but some of these dudes have no clue... I've seen a rib roll come out of the freezer at 7:00 am and be on the line for lunch... You might as well go chew on a 9" heavy weight drill collar...

And crazy is taking over the galley... running the galley crew out and fixing an "american meal"... Nothing down here ever matches...

Typical disorganization...

Roast... no gravy and french fries...
Spaghetti and no toast or salad... but mashed potatoes...
Steak, liver and onions, fried bananas...

It's like having kool aid with no sugar, cereal with no milk... etc... it goes on and on...

Pizza down here on break... has peas and corn...

Hot dogs, peas and corn and some tomato type sauce with onions and green peppers, and celery or some other random vegetable....

We have some form of chicken that has been cooked entirely too fast for every meal... It's dry as hell and tougher than a 36 inch pipe wrench...

__________________

If the car feels like it is on rails, you are probably driving too slow. -Ross Bentley

Horsepower is how fast you hit the wall.
Torque is how far you take the wall with you.

If I can figure out to get this baby in my bag and on the airplane, Corey is going to have fun...

Building a manifold...

Plumbing it....

Beefing the suspension....

and tuning it.....

I see the need for some five inch exhaust pipes in my future...

In the pic is Andrew, assistant driller, also known as helper.... (with his serious look before I got over there.... ) and one of the only two crane operators I like to work with... He is an assistant driller, and he was a crane operator... and I use him to move or help install stuff occasionally if Chris isn't available due to rig operations... When I say stuff... I'm talking about trying to stab a rod and piston into a tensioner... and like a piston on a car it has rings...

Imagine trying to compress the rings and seals on a piston your putting into a motor... the rod is 11,000 lbs and 16 feet long and you have to do this with a crane, and the crane is moving in every axis...as is the top of the tensioner... and the rod is hanging between the two.... and.....

PQ isn't allowed to try this...

When you're stuck between stationary hard stuff and in motion hard stuff, on a moving rig, (this is a floating rig) you want a smooooooooth operator.... and Andrew and Chris (not pictured) are both amazing....

Attached Images

__________________

If the car feels like it is on rails, you are probably driving too slow. -Ross Bentley

Horsepower is how fast you hit the wall.
Torque is how far you take the wall with you.

Robert your stories of life on the Rig bring back fond memeories of my Uncle who has worked 35 years as an Aircraft Mech on a Rig but recently has went to Shore, especially the food stories.

He worked 7 on 7 off but usually swapped and worked 2 weeks on 2 weeks off and loved it that was. He always seemed to work it in his benefit where he had a month off and worked a month, but that was years ago.

Appreciate the pictures and the stories.

__________________

MUSTANG...Like Bringing a Hot Dog to a Steak Dinner....There is no comparison.

Robert your stories of life on the Rig bring back fond memeories of my Uncle who has worked 35 years as an Aircraft Mech on a Rig but recently has went to Shore, especially the food stories.

He worked 7 on 7 off but usually swapped and worked 2 weeks on 2 weeks off and loved it that was. He always seemed to work it in his benefit where he had a month off and worked a month, but that was years ago.

Appreciate the pictures and the stories.

For the most part I like my 28/28 schedule. It gets long Towards the end, and I miss a lot of thing. Camaro Fest I. I also have to fight the blues starting about three days before I leave to come back out here... I love my time off though... I only work six months a year....

__________________

If the car feels like it is on rails, you are probably driving too slow. -Ross Bentley

Horsepower is how fast you hit the wall.
Torque is how far you take the wall with you.

I bet they could polish that and make it look like a polished maggie. You're going to need a beefier front suspension...

I bet they would poop if I took that thing in a small space somewhere and polished it over a couple of days... and then put it back in the box...

This is a test... This is only a test...

We are trying to determine the period of time that the wind can blow in the south Atlantic at or above 50 mph... It has been around 52 hours so far... The fortunate thing for us is that is keeps moving around the compass, so the seas haven't built that badly... We are heaving, pitching, yawing and rolling quite a bit... Pretty much everyone has tape on the casters of their office chairs to keep from rolling around while trying to type, write, or otherwise do things in the office...

We have ascending rain... It falls from the clouds, gets close to sea level and then is repelled back up to race across the deck at somewhere in the neighborhood of 200 mph, stinging and soaking everything and everyone in its path...We have most stuff tied down, but I think a roustabout was blown overboard at the aft end of the rig and he swirled around and landed on the bow.... Can't prove it, but we can't deny the possibility either...

The sea birds usually skim the water, riding just high enough above the water level to keep it from hitting them on their bellies... and this is up the front side of a wave and down the backside... It's beautiful to watch... but it's funny as hell to see one of these graceful animals try the same thing and smoke a wave... cartwheeling to a stop and shaking its head to clear the cob webs.... took about 30 seconds of recovery time before it tried to take off... may have just been waiting on clearance from the tower... Wind plays hell on the wildlife as well....

__________________

If the car feels like it is on rails, you are probably driving too slow. -Ross Bentley

Horsepower is how fast you hit the wall.
Torque is how far you take the wall with you.

Most of the time it isn't too bad, but there are times when I get a pretty severe headache... from the motion...

There is nothing I know of worse than the feeling of motion sickness... Unfortunately, you can't get away from the motion out here when the rig starts moving... I've actually seen guys trying their damndest to find the geographical center of the rig as theoretically that would be the area with the least movement... The fun times are being at the crown, the top of the derrick... 300 feet or so above the water line when the rig is rocking and rolling... you can literally go through 20, 30, or even 40 or more foot swings from one side to the other...

Fun times... I've been on a manrider (cable and harness) working on the drill string compensator 80-100 feet above the drill floor and had the wind blowing so hard and the rig rocking so much if you let go, they had to pretty much bring you down to the deck to start over as you couldn't get back to the area you were working on...If there were hoses or cables in the area you could, but thats not always the case... I Love my job most of the time, but there are times like that when it's not so fun...

You do what you gotta do...

__________________

If the car feels like it is on rails, you are probably driving too slow. -Ross Bentley

Horsepower is how fast you hit the wall.
Torque is how far you take the wall with you.

We have a company quarterly magazine, (you can actually view it online if you want) and we are working on doing a car feature article...

Andy, the guy working on this with me, a Crane Mechanical Supervisor for the Western Hemisphere, drives a bad ass Corvette that he just got back out of the shop... LS-6 stroked to 396 ci, and now it's fully forged and boosted... His car is around 700 HP, and mine is well... you know... We have five categories and I will update as it goes... this will take a few months to complete pending final approval from the President of our company... He is into cars so we are hoping that is just a formality...

We are going to go out company wide with an e-flyer and ask for people to submit their modified cars for inclusion in the magazine...

The name of the Magazine is Rigamarole, for and about the people and customers of Diamond Offshore.

The article will be something along the lines of the Horsepower of Diamond Offshore Drilling...

If you go to Diamond Offshore Drilling... you can see past copies of the magazine and it is a very well done publication... They are the large style magazines, with a semi hard cover...

When you find it... re-open and post in the "My Dog Eats Poop" thread that Chris closed... He will love you for it...

Quote:

Originally Posted by GTAHVIT

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

As happy as I am that thread was closed... it wasn't me

OH MY GAH!!! LMAO!!! I found it! And while I'd love to post it in the My Dog Eats Poop thread, it's closed...and I don't like to go over another mod reopening, etc...

So, guess what Robert! You get the POOP EMAIL!!!

I swear...I had tears coming out of my eyes when I was just reading this to Dana!

I hope you are in the mood for a good laugh, Robert!

Quote:

How to Poop at Work

We've all been there but don't like to admit it..

We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing
down below.

As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable.

For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking
a dump at work.

*CROP DUSTING* When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the
smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff, but doesn't know
where it came from.

Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled.
Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

*FLY BY* The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping.

Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom,
leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may
become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

*ESCAPEE* A fart that slips out while taking a pee or forcing a poop in a
stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you
release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you
are a man and are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not
hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved.
Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

*JAILBREAK* When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace.
This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover if this should happen,
do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare
everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

*COURTESY FLUSH* The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the
water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the
bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME .

* WALK OF SHAME * Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you
have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if
someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the
smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

*OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER* A colleague who poops at work and is doggone proud
of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a
newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the
Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

*THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)* A group of co-workers who band together
to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you
to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE
HAVENS. *SAFE HAVENS* A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where
you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the
opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the
bathroom.

*TURD BURGLAR* Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries
to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments
that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall
until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye
contact..

*CAMO-COUGH* A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that
you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert
potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with a SHIRLEY
TEMPLE .

*SHIRLEY TEMPLE* A subtle toe-tapping that is used to alert potential Turd
Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the
stall is occupied. If you hear a SHIRLEY TEMPLE, leave the bathroom immediately
so the pooper can poop in peace.

*WATERMELON* A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water.
This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on,
create a diversion.. See CAMO-COUGH.

*HAVANA-OMELET* A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in
the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with
a SHIRLEY TEMPLE.

*AUNT BETTY* A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever...Could spend
extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An AUNT
BETTY makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always
wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other
bathroom attendees.

SOME VARIETIES OF POOP YOU SHOULD BE AWARE OF~

The King Poop = This kind is the kind of poop that killed Elvis. It
doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from
straining so hard.

Bali Belly Poop = You poop so much you lose 5 lbs.

Cement Block = You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you poop.

Cork Poop (Also Known as Floater Poop) = Even after the third flush, it's
still floating in there. How do I get rid of it? This poop usually happens at
someone else's house.

The Bungee Poop = The kind of poop that just hangs off your rear before it
falls into the water.

The Crippler = The kind of poop where you have to sit on the toilet so long
your legs go numb from the waist down.

The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang = The kind of poop that hits you when you're
trapped in your car in a traffic jam.

The Party Pooper = The giant poop you take at a party And when you flush the
toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.

NOW EVERYONE TRY TO GO POOP IN PEACE AND QUIT LAUGHING... POOPING IS A NATURAL
PROCESS