Tuesday, 16 July 2013

A Date To Remember. Happy Anniversary to me.......

Everyone has dates they remember, some fondly and some they choose to forget.

For me there are many...

March 17th 1967- My Birthday.

July 22nd 1985-the day I left home.

July 1987- my admission to hospital for Anorexia.

July 21st 1989-My wedding day to my Sons Dad.

December 1990-my first relapse.

February 1991-getting pregnant :)

November 21st 1991-My Sons Birthday

July 20th 1998- the day my first marriage broke up.

August 1998-Met Kev

July 1999-my second relapse.

2001-my third (hiccup)

July 19th 2005-My Dad died.

July 8th 2008- I married Kev :)

May 26th 2009- My best friend died. (we had fallen out and not spoken for over a year)

May 2010- my fourth relapse

November 2010-the decision to recover properly this time.

March 16th 2011-My Mum died.

March 16th 2012-Hip operation

There are obviously a hell of a lot more, but I'm sure you are not interested in my first period, losing my virginity, first tattoo, having my ingrowing toenail done,when Toby first used his potty, as if I can actually remember!!

Anyway, back to today.

July 16th is my 2 year anniversary of being discharged from the eating disorders team, and I am celebrating with guilt free beans and cheese on toast with a can of cider.

I am often asked the question,'Do you ever recover fully from an eating disorder?' or 'How do I know I will never go back there?'

These are really difficult questions to answer as I cannot see into the future, but what I do have is belief in myself and a much deeper understanding of me and the illness. When I think back on how much time I have wasted, and how much energy I have put into Anorexia over the years it seems complete madness and it makes me feel sad.............

but I am not a negative person, and I can, and do see positives in the difficult periods of my life.

I wonder who I would be if I hadn't experienced a mental illness. Would I be the strong, motivated Woman that I am now, or would I still be a frightened, timid little girl trapped inside a Woman's body?

It is only through recovery that I have met some amazing people who have influenced and motivated me throughout my journey...alongside the best Family and friends you could want.

I know some have thought that now I am recovered that is it! Leave the world of e.d alone....but I can't do that. I have a strong passion for recovery and after years of suffering from low self-esteem I want to shout from the rooftops, "You are f*****g gorgeous and don't let anyone, especially society tell you otherwise."

Little old me.

For someone who generally can't shut up talking writing about myself is posing quite difficult.
I started this Blog in 2010 when I began my journey through recovery from Anorexia. I have been as honest as I can without being triggering or posing a risk to myself or my readers. In the beginning my blog was a medium of putting down my thoughts during recovery and mapping each step forward or backward I made. Some of it will make you laugh others may cry. Now I see myself as not in recovery but fully recovered. I continue to write as I believe Eating Disorders in whatever form should not be hidden away, they should be given a voice and that voice can say 'I will beat this.'I have a passion inside me to spread the message that you are not on your own and recovery can be within reach.Thank you for reading, it is because of you I carry on. Please feel free to comment on any entries.