Will You Go See More Movies If You Can Live-Text Them?

It is a well-known fact that movie-attendance is down because often there just aren’t enough people using their cell phones during the screenings. In some theaters, owners even enforce a rule that you can’t use your cell phone AT ALL! What’s the deal with that, OBAMA??? How are we even supposed to enjoy Hunger Games when we can’t let our friends know A. That we are enjoying it, B. What did you think of this part of the movie when you saw it?, C. What are we doing later?, D. Wait, what? Why are you hanging out with them?, E. I thought we didn’t like them?, F. Because they were such bitches to Grace at the party., G. Whatever. Do what you want.? HOW ARE WE EVEN?! Luckily this issue was brought up yesterday at the CinemaCon convention in Las Vegas. From Deadline:

Sony Pictures Entertainment’s Jeff Blake kicked off the discussion saying that 20 years ago “kids would come every week” to the movies. But no more. “I’m concerned that the moviegoing experience isn’t just for baby boomers.” Regal Entertainment CEO Amy Miles says that her chain currently discourages cell phone use “but if we had a movie that appealed to a younger demographic, we could test some of these concepts.” For example, she says the chain talked about being more flexible about cell phone use at some screens that showed 21 Jump Street. “You’re trying to figure out if there’s something you can offer in the theater that I would not find appealing but my 18-year-old son might.”

Right. Why not outfit every public space that demands the tiniest amount of respect for the other humans around you with the things your 18-year-old son might find appealing? “Yo, CAN I FART HERE?” Hahah. “Yo, if every lady doesn’t have BOOBS in this place” yeah, I don’t know what 18-year-old sons want, but I’m sure it’s awful. Anyway: WILL YOU GO SEE MORE MOVIES IF YOU CAN TEXT DURING THEM?

If anybody wants to get in on a groundbreaking new product, this is the time to invest. As soon as this is made official, I’m going to be releasing my newest creation. It’s kinda like a TV hat, but instead of a hat it’s the bottom of a popcorn bucket.

I read that they are having this same issue with operas. Personally, I love operas. The thought of someone in front of me lighting up their phone and loudly crunching food (the opera debate also includes if food should be allowed) just makes me think that people who actually enjoy going will stop if we have to pander to these douche canoes who can’t put down their phones for an hour at a time.

Also, TOTALLY OFF TOPIC, but I had a dream last night that I was going on a road trip, so got Videogum in book form for the day as I wouldn’t have my laptop with me and when I opened it up I noticed that you had all signed it for me! Like a yearbook! Awww shucks, guys! You’re so dream-sweet! You really dream-shouldn’t have!

Stories like this remind me why how there are so many entitled people out there who expect people/organizations/systems cater to their specific wants and needs and are completely blind sighted when it doesn’t work out for them.

I already AVOID movie theaters because of texting and similar behaviors reflecting the overbearing self-interest of the modern moviegoer, so sure, why not make it official. Just make a different chain for me that serves beer and cuts off the thumbs of those found texting (Landmark Theaters, take note).

I’m wondering if this is a real phenomenon, or sort of like how everyone thought TV would be the ruin of movie theatres. I saw Titanic 3D on the weekend (FELLAS), and the theatre was pretty full for a 15 year old movie 3 weeks after it opened.

I live in Austin, where we have like 5 Alamo Drafthouse Theaters. As everyone knows, they have a very strict no talking/texting policy. You know why they’re the most popular theaters in town and why they’re making money hand over fist and expanding all over the country? Because they give you an ACTUAL EXPERIENCE. Instead of showing you shitty Coke commercials before the movie, they show you video clips or retro ads that are in some way related to the movie you came to see. It’s a restaurant where you can buy booze and decent food at your seat, and a server will bring it to you. They have events like Master Pancake Theatre where they do an MST3K thing to movies everybody hates, or quote-alongs with movies like The Big Lebowski, or Girlie Nights, or Terror Tuesdays.

And you know what? They kick your ass to the curb if you talk or text during a movie (unless of course the event calls for it). And everyone loves them for it.

all we have to do is find a way to help teenagers cultivate a sense of taste, stop multitasking to the point people are bored sitting through a film, and then convince the industry to stop making pandering crap. totally doable.

I wouldn’t mind texting if there was a strict “only text from the back” policy. When there is some bored teenager sitting near the front with his phone up above his head with a screen with a blinding brightness texting during the dark climax it really ruins the experience.

Those wild card voting options are always so tempting (and people are predisposed to pick them usually because they’re fun things to vote for), and I often do vote for them, but in this instance I HAD to vote for no because NO.

I look forward to shutting my phone off during the movies. I already spend too much time on it, so it’s nice to be forced to sit for 2 hours and actually enjoy something, instead of the constant cell phone distractions all day long. These kids don’t realize that life will still exist as soon as the movie is over.

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