Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

Whenever I see, or take part in, basketball discussions, I cant help but think of shoes. Particularly, the ones that I hold in high esteem..especially when I see some of what people wear now and how they’re either similar or different. As most people who hoop know, basketball shoes are not only like an investment, they’re damn near a relationship. You take care of them, they’ll take care of you. You can expect certain things from certain shoes…and sometimes “the grass is greener…” For some folks, what you wear on your feet can be indicative of what you might be on the court. Better make sure the statement you’re making, is the one you’re attempting to make…or all might be lost as soon as you step into the gym and/or pull your shoes out of your bag.

Just want to start by sending a Happy Birthday shout to my Dad on his 60th birthday. Thank you for being a great example to follow.

“If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.” — Sir Isaac Newton
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Hope everyone had a great, or at least eventful, Thanksgiving. Mine was cool. Had my parents come up to the house and hosted them for a few days. Hosting parents seems to get harder & harder as you get older. It seems the more you have, the more they expect. Anyway, I’m sure a number of you had a moment where something was said, by a family member, that absolutely floored you. This was mine. Read the rest of this entry »

In the last 2 blogs, I’ve talked about the establishment of societal norms, how I believe they came to be societal norms, and the apparent impact of the evolution of gender roles. I mentioned how this impact seems to be especially illustrated in the Black family/community. In the Black community, we’re seeing more single-parent households than the norm and we’re also seeing more of our successful Black women remain single for longer than they probably should. I believe the evolution of gender roles plays a part in this due to the fact that they are no longer clearly defined. A man isn’t clearly going to be the breadwinner anymore and its up to both genders to learn how to deal with this possibility. Its not as simple as saying, “Yeah, it wouldn’t bother me if that were the case” because most likely, it will…to varying degrees of course.

I left off with the simplest of questions, “what’s the answer?” Plenty of answers have already been visited upon by numerous “relationship experts.” Think like a Man. Act like sheep. Blame White women. Date inter-racially. The list goes on and on. I cant offer you a simple answer. If I knew it, I damn sure wouldn’t be offering it up for free on a blog. I’d take my talents to South Beach. Here’s one thing I AM comfortable telling you though. Stop listening to “experts.” No one is an expert on you but…you. Imagine that.

But if you’re REALLY hurting for a piece of advice, here’s what I tell people. Somewhere in your life, in the present or past, you’ve stumbled across a couple that looks like they have what you aspire to have. Might be a close friend, an acquaintance…might even be your parents. I call them “relationship role models.” Ask them why their relationship works. Emulate some of what they do. If that sounds crazy to you, ask yourself what it is you did to become who you are. More than likely, you had a role model that you used as something of a blueprint to success…or at least as a way to avoid failure. Why wouldn’t relationships work the same way?

But hey, that’s just one man’s opinion. I am not an “expert”…*Big Pun voice* but I know a lot.

In my last post, I talked about the impact of biology on societal norms. These biological influences created a society where certain gender roles became established and are prevalent as a “social norm.” Men are the providers, women are the nurturers. The formula is simple…or it used to be. In our current culture, the ability to provide for your family is directly proportional to your ability to amass wealth. This is usually done by obtaining a skill that you can put to use either for yourself or for an employer. These skills are varied and the amount of wealth you can obtain by developing/displaying are just as varied. The established gender roles provided a framework for how families functioned, which influenced how communities functioned, etc. The flaw in the design is that the framework was set up so that it would be limiting to women and minorities, affecting the ability of their families to provide for themselves. People needed to evolve.Read the rest of this entry »

What actually IS the spectrum of cultural influence? What is the impetus that drives societal norms and are those norms solely the result of cultural influence? I find that these questions seem to be consistently answered the same way whenever I read about the impact of societal norms on the population, at large.Read the rest of this entry »

Although I’ve never seen or heard of this comic before the movie previews started, I think this is an extremely interesting concept. What if you have to fight your prospective lady’s exes in order to be with her?

Would you? Lets say you only had to fight the ones that were currently single. That STILL could be a daunting task. I mean, she would HAVE TO be exceptional right? And preferably, not have a ton of BFs I guess. There HAS to be a point where you’d be like “Fuck this, bitch you stayin single,” right?

“Girl, I love you and all but…Kimbo Slice? Maybe we should just be friends.”

With the last post, I talked a little about why I think women, far moreso than men, want to get married. I sincerely believe women are what drive the practice of marriage, as most men would, more than likely, be perfectly fine as just a partner/companion. To be clear, this isnt to say that men dont want to be in exclusive relationships…but the need for it to be a “marriage” is minimal AT BEST. But it isnt as though women are the only ones that benefit from marriage.Read the rest of this entry »

Reading WisdomIsMisery’s post, on Single Black Male’s blog, entitled “Why Men Dont Commit” got me to thinking about what may be an obvious question that I rarely see asked…”Why is marriage so important to women (as opposed to men)?”Read the rest of this entry »

Earlier, I found myself engaged in the timeless argument of what women want in a man. Or at least…what they SAID they wanted. I found those to often be 2, sometimes COMPLETELY, different things. But, this time, lets turn it around and look at the fellas. What do WE say we want, and really don’t?

“Mrs. Independent”

“I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T, do you know what that mean?…” Yall remember that song. Every woman with any semblance of a job was singing along and proclaiming themselves to be among those that would be considered an “independent” woman. Let’s not focus on the fugazi tho. What about the ones that DO fit this bill? The ones that do “got her own house” and “got her own car” etc. In fact, her house is bigger/better than yours and you one day hope to aspire to drive the car she is now considering upgrading from. Yes, gentleman, what about the “independent woman” that is, in fact, doing better than you, career-wise/financially? Read the rest of this entry »