Families can be a wonderful support system. They can encourage you to dream big, and then support you while you reach for those big dreams. But some families don’t feel like that at all. Instead of encouraging and supporting you, it feels like they hold you back. If you can relate, you’ll want to keep reading for three reasons behind your family’s behavior.

Rob Bell is an author and public speaker, and when an audience member asked him what to do about her family that was holding her back, Bell had some very powerful insights. They can help anyone who feels the same way.

Bell explained that some families are like a big bucket of crabs. And if one crab tries to escape out of the bucket, the other crabs pull him back into their bucket. But why do families act like a big crab bucket?

Here are three reasons why:

Your family may feel threatened

If you grow to have different values or beliefs from your family, this can feel very disruptive and threatening to them. In the same way, some families have very specific roles for everyone. As you grow, you might not fit your position anymore, and that can be challenging to accept.

Your family may expect “loyalty” from you

Remember how families can be a wonderful support system? Well, sometimes, in an effort to stick together, the support system gets a bit warped and twisted. Instead of supporting people to become their best selves, this sort of “loyalty” wants you to stop changing if no one else is changing.

You family feels rejected

If you’re growing, changing, blooming and succeeding In ways your family didn’t plan or anticipate, they can feel rejected. You’re not only doing something different, but you might even be doing something they disagree or disapprove of.

So, if it feels like your family is holding you back from living big, is it time to climb out of the crab bucket?

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