The schedule storylines and predictions you asked for

People keep asking me for predictions. So let’s take a look at the brand new Raiders schedule, before the draft, before any more free-agent moves, before training camp and before we get a real look at the players Reggie McKenzie brought in or how they relate to new coach Dennis Allen.

Let ‘er rip:

Week 1: Mon. night vs. San Diego

The Raiders get revenge for season-ending loss to Chargers that cost them a playoff spot. New San Diego tackle Mario Henderson mistakenly runs over to Raiders sideline to celebrate with new teammates. Win. 1-0.

Week 2: at Miami

You been paying attention? The Raiders never beat the Dolphins, let alone in Miami. Loss. 1-1.

Week 3: vs. Pittsburgh

Richard Seymour slaps Ben Roethlisberger again, just for the heck of it, but the rebuilding Steelers can still impose their will on the rebuilding Raiders. The lack of an occasional outside pass rush (Kamerion Wimbley, take a bow) hurts here. Loss. 1-2.

Week 4: at Denver

Dennis Allen returns to Denver to face his defensive players from a year ago. They were overrated then and still are. Peyton Manning tries to run on the Raiders like Tim Tebow did and can’t do it. Win. 2-2.

Blaine Gabbert has to be better than he was last season but I still can’t see him getting a road win against a very good Oakland defensive front. Win. 3-3.

Week 8: at Kansas City

The Raiders seem to own this matchup here but they won’t have Chiefs-killer Michael Bush while KC gets Jamaal Charles back. New Chief Stanford Routt — who is not as good as Al Davis thought but not as bad as fans or Dennis Allen thought — runs an interception back. Loss. 3-4.

Week 9: vs. Tampa Bay

This is the game the Raiders overlook and take a nap during. Loss. 3-5.

Week 10: at Baltimore

How old is Ray Lewis now, 45? Doesn’t matter. Ravens have too much talent to lose to Raiders at home. Loss. 3-6.

Week 11: vs. New Orleans

I am of the belief that the Saints don’t handle the effects of the bounty scandal too well, and we don’t even know the players’ punishments yet. Taiwan Jones breaks a game-winning run down the sideline. Win. 4-6.

Week 12: at Cincinnati

Carson Palmer shows Andy Dalton that he is the first, the last and the only red-headed Bengals quarterback. Bengals defensive backs coach Hue Jackson reminds reporters that he was the one who fleeced the Bengals for Palmer a year ago, and says he needs a bigger hand in future Cincinnati moves. Win. 5-6.

Week 13: vs. Cleveland

The Brown had a chance to trade up and get RG3 or stick with Colt McCoy. They chose Plan B … which won’t look that bad when rookie RB Trent Richardson runs all over the Raiders. But Matt Shaughnessy continues his breakout season with a game-winning, fumble-causing sack of McCoy. Win. 6-6. That’s three wins in a row, plus the Raiders leave the state of California only once in the final five games.

Week 14: Thurs. Night vs. Denver

Can’t see Peyton Manning losing on prime time. Or Caleb Hanie, if Manning’s neck hasn’t held up this long. Wait … Loss. 6-7.

Week 15: vs. Kansas City

Jacoby Ford made a name for himself two years ago at home against the Chiefs. And here he has another big game, erasing the concerns of some fans who think he may have enjoyed too much success too early. Routt has a terrible game, giving delirious Raiders fans an early Christmas gift. Win. 7-7.

Week 16: at Carolina

Two words. Cam Newton. Plus Bruce Campbell gets in the game and pancakes someone. Loss. 7-8.

Week 17: at San Diego

Raiders fans make their presence known again, and this year it’s the Chargers’ playoff hopes that are dashed. There are rumors that San Diego might fire coach Norv Turner. Win. 8-8.

Of course, these predictions could all change based on, you know, developments between now and September.