Legend

The following contest is a 2 promo battle match and is for the United States Championship! ​

-Both competitors will have 2 promos each and 24 hours to submit them both​

-No pictures, videos, or live stream is allowed in the contest​

-At the end of the promo period an additional 24 hour will be used for voting polls.​

-The person with the most votes will be the United States Champion.​

​

Both competitors may begin. If the match ends early notify me and I'll put up the poll

Alkaline Promo #1

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Greetings humans! It is I, Alkaline, the duck enthusiast and the master of all that is awesome. And the time has finally come, for my match with Joel Rain for the united states title! Will there be punches thrown? Yes! Will there be kicking? Yes! Will there be awkward pauses?.......Yeah I guess. Joel Rain! You better prepare yourself, even though you are fighting in a war you aren't aware of you better be prepared.
If you have been following me this past week (and if you haven't, shame on you I'm trying to help you dammit!) you would know about my quest to divulge the conspiracy and secrets that run deep in this company. Deeper than Farooq's gut when he eats chicken, more well hidden than Scrooge McDuck's heart. Darker and scarier than Jonathan's porn stash, you get the idea. And you Joel, are nothing but a pawn in the Britluminati's plans, and you're not even aware of it!
These people want total control over the IWT, and from there they will stretch their reach to America, Mexico, Luxemburg and finally, Kentucky. My sources deep within the internet tell me that in Kentucky they will build a pyramid dedicated to the dark god Jeebawk, at which they will sacrifice the virgin FTJ for magical powers with which they will enslave the entire world! And possibly Cornwall.
There are ways to stop them though, the wielders of the 9 belts of power. Two belts forged for the main eventers in the sky, 6 forged for the midcarders in their locker rooms reeking of sweat. Twin belts for the tag teams doomed to always walk in twos. And one briefcase no one gives a shit about so we don't count it. The masters of these belts have the power to fight back the dark god Jeebawk and his cronies, but only if they are wielded as a united force. So the Britluminati have been gathering up a group of wrestlers, weak willed enough to be played with like puppets. These wrestlers have then been positioned so that they have been awarded title belts, just so that the Britluminati will be able to control the belts by proxy. Thus keeping them apart and forcing their dark Jeebawkish future upon us all!
Sadly Joel, you are one of these pawns. Holding the US title belt for these dastardly fiends from the shadows. I don't doubt your skills as a wrestler, your physical proves and athleticism. But you don't have an open enough mind to see what is going on behind the scenes, to read between the lines and to search through all the garbage for pebbles of truth. Around your waist you hold a belt with much more power in it than you can possibly imagine, which has been placed upon your waist in such a way that you think you won it by your own doing. But in reality it was put upon you because you are one of those that they can control, that they can play like a finely tuned harp. I don't want to hurt you young Joel, but I will if it means taking the US title from you and thus saving it from the paws of the cat urine smelling Britluminati.
My name is Alkaline, and I am willing to put my extremely athletic and sensual body, as well as my incredibly smart mind and pure as a saint soul on the line to take this belt from you. There are only two ways this match can end for me, victory or Valhalla. If I win I have the power to start fighting back the Britluminati's assault, if I lose they will strike while I am weak and end my existence. Thus failure is not an option, I have to fight not only for my own sake, but for your sake Joel, and for the sake of the entire locker room and all the IWT fans as well as the entire world! I'm doing this for you! I understand if you will fight back, you have been set up to do so. But I will not hold back just because you don't know better. I will strike hard, I will strike fast and I will strike with vengeance.
My name is Alkaline, and if there is a gawd, I will be your new United States Champion.

Airbourne Promo #1

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Well I guess you're going to be reverting to atheism after this one won't ya? I can tell you that I will not be giving up my United States title so easily, it means to much to me. I have cherished this title for a month now and won't stand by and let somebody just take the damn thing away from its owner. So I say if you want my United States title, you're going to have to use every bit of your talent to get it away from me.

I have been working for this business for almost 2 and a half months, would you say it is impressive that I have managed to win the United States title in that time? Well, in this situation, I would understand if you weren't. You see, when the General Manager, Britanica, gave me permission to hold an open challenge to declare a new champion at Extreme Rules, I was excited. I was going to have a glorious battle with somebody on the IWT roster and hopefully take home the U.S. title. But, to my surprise, and newbie which seemed to have just jumped out of the audience accepted the challenge before anyone else could. I was willing, so we had the match booked at the Pay-Per-View. I was a newbie myself at that time, because obviously I don't really consider myself one now, was interested to see how all this would've gone out. Then, the match started. He was horrible, he couldn't even keep it going for more than 3 minutes. He ended up giving up, it was a shameful victory. He hasn't been seen since then. That's why I am hyped for this match. I have a challenge as an opponent, somebody who can make me fight for this title and come out a proud champion.

You remember the Young Bucks Alk? How they always did Super Kicks? Well, they remind me of you in a way. You go on and on about a conspiracy, you just won't stop. You're turned into this crazy, psychotic, nut job who thinks that the GM is planning something against this company and you have to 'save' the people from her. What have you been drinking man? Whatever it is, you need to stop drinking it and get your god damn sense back. But it's clear by now that somebody's going to have to beat it back into you. That somebody might as well be me. The only saving that's going to happen here tonight is me pulling you out of this trance that you're in. Wake up and smell the roses, nothing's going on here and your need to realize that Alk. Nothing is happening, hell, it would be exciting if something DID happen around here, but all we have is Spaniard's stealing titles and cats. But this conspiracy that you're promoting is just plain crazy, I know it's hard trying to get over, but this isn't the way to do it.

Also, what the hell is this Britluminati that you're going on about? I am not one of this people, and nobody is. You've gotten so invested in this conspiracy business that it's taken over your mind and have made you go completely insane. There's something that you can go on, worry about your mental health before you continue on with this stuff that your pull directly out of your ass. I'm sure plenty of people would like you to go around yelling about your psychological state than some made up conspiracy that you want to help get your over. By the way, I do have an open eye to see behind the scenes because there is a gaping hole in the General Manager's wall, the door has been busted down, and the window's are shattered. It would take a blind person not to see the stuff that goes on in there. Unless you're Alkaline, who pays no attention to anything that goes on backstage except the supposed conspiracy of the GM gathering wrestlers to be a part of the 'Britluminati'.

Since we're sort of re-introducing ourselves, I'll go ahead and do it myself. My name is Joel Rain, and I am the guy that will hopefully knock some sense into that thick head of yours to finally realize that all of this conspiracy stuff has poisoned your mind and made you a lunatic that believes in a non-existent organization of wrestlers that is planning against the other wrestlers and the IWT. So there is no Britluminati that would end your existence or something like that, you'll just lose, and I'll win and walk home with the United States title on my shoulder, my head held high, and probably eat some bacon when I get home. Celebratory bacon is the best bacon there is, especially when you just beat a sociopath to retain your beloved title, who will probably not stop his little reign of insanity until he supposedly 'defeats the Britluminati', sleep with a smile on his face, and hang the contract of the match on his fridge so his mom can be proud of him for winning a match. If you want to play this game, then fine, I will end you here and send you back down to the bottom of the food chain.

I am Joel Rain, and I love bacon. Oh and just to let you know, those cats never peed on me.

Alkaline Promo #2

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You gaining the US title in two months time would be impressive, if you had actually earned it. You say I am crazy young man, that I have substance abuse problems and that I have lost track of reality, is that really the best you have to come with? Is your offense really so weak that you have to resort to personal insults in hope of gaining some kind of ground? This will be so much easier than I thought at first if that is the case. I have never abused a substance in my life, I have no history of head trauma or blood cloths in my head as well as a fully clean psychological evaluation so that rules out insanity. I have in fact never been better. What I am is just seeing things clearer than everybody else. There are powers at play here bigger than you or I boy. You just refuse to see the patterns since you are clinging to that title belt of yours like a mother holding a child. And the way you won your belt is proof enough for my claims. The previous champion was stripped of his belt under false claims, leaving it wide open for you to take in a match versus someone that you yourself said "Looked like a kid who just jumped out of the audience". You were set up to win that belt because you are weak of mind and easy for the powers that be to control. You can go on about as many staged accomplishments as you want. A person beating nobodies is still a nobody until proven otherwise. I am trained by Eric Draven, the first ever WWE champion in this company's history. It is no secret that this company has been out for his hide since he dropped the belt in disgust at the direction the company was heading. I am just helping my friend reclaim his pride as well as the pride of the company he loves, this very company. Me taking that belt off of your pasty waist is just a bonus.

This company is being run into the ground as we speak but you just refuse to see it. Our General manager disappears for weeks at a time and then returns and makes drastic changes before disappearing again. And the assistant GM has his head so far up his own ass that every day is in four shades of brown. It is obvious that there are powers backstage running things with those two dolts "in charge".

You compare me to the Young bucks, that sure is a compliment for the bucks. But I find it a bit odd that you know who the Young bucks are, since you obviously have zero knowledge of this sport we both practice. You say you have been at this for 2 months, come back when you have been doing this for as long as I have kid. I started out cutting my teeth in Europe, trading blows with the most physical and brutal of combatants until I was on top. Then I went to Japan, busting my chops to gain peak physical and technical skills with the best wrestlers in the world until I was on top. And neither you nor anyone else in this company can compare to those crazy rice munchers. Then I went to Mexico and learnt the art of lucha libre, before heading into the states to make the independent scene my bitch. Wherever I have gone Joel, I have been on top. You might beat me here, I am not ruling the possibility of it being the time of all the planets aligning tonight out. But it would just be a speed bump. I will be on top of this company, it is just a matter of time. It doesn't matter what you or those sycophants backstage think or how they or you try to stop me. All I need is the chance to hit one backbreaker to the future and I will have you down for the 1, 2, 3. And the title reign of Joel Rain will be history.

In fact, that's not the only way I can beat you Joel. I have a list, of over 500 ways that I can beat you right here in this ring. I have an exert right here of the first 50. Let's take a look shall we:

1. Pinfall
2. Kick him in the balls
3. Teabagging
4. Beating him with a rubber chicken
5. throwing eggs at him until he submits
6. Submission
7. Tickle him to death
8. the moss-covered three-handled family gredunza
9. Get a restraining order on him
10. Put him through a table
11. Piss in his tea
12. Pull him by the ear
13. Eye poke
14. Armbar
15. annoy his parents until they make him give up so that I’ll leave them alone
16. Spear
17. inverted kick in the balls
18. Rochambo
19. Climb the ladder and remove the belt
20. Saskatchewan spinning nerve hold
21. Flex off
22. Throw cats at him until he becomes allergic
23. Atomic leg drop
24. Armbar version 1.0
25. Superkick superkick superkick
26. Unmask him
27. Never Ending game of hide and seek
28. Bribe Britanica
29. Dance a seductive dance
30. I’m Batman
31. Throw him in the ambulance
32. Clothesline from hell
33. Russian mob hit
34. Tazmanian underhook finger lock
35. Marry his sister
36. Stealing his life
37. Hack his bank account
38. Tombstone piledriver
39. Flying teabag
40. Death by snu snu
41. combining the power crystals
42. Assemble Voltron
43. Hit him with a chair
44. Take the leadership matrix, thus becoming Optimus Prime
45. Save the princess... in the right castle!
46. Get the Delorean to hit 80mph
47. Mother Theresa powerbomb
48. Get elected pope
49. Join the dark side
50. Induce Anorexia
That's just the first 50 ways for me to beat you Joel. I have over 450 more. I can keep going all night but if I did you would probably get an inferiority complex or a severe depression. Which by the way is also on the list.
You think I am insane, okay let's be serious here for a while then. See that belt around your waist? I'm gonna take that from you, I am going to break your bones to take that belt, I am going to write your death certificate in your own blood to take that belt as you are watching. The only reason you are US champion is because you're a spineless little twerp that Brit, Jonathan and god knows who else can play like a violin. If they gave you an order to jump you wouldn't ask why, you'd ask "how high?". Spineless little shitstains like you make me sick. You're the result of politics, a paper champion through and through with nothing to show but beating a kid from the crowd for the belt, well aren't you the big man? Beating up a kid like some second grade bully. You say I am insane, the doctors say otherwise but maybe I am. Because to succeed in this business, you need to be a little bit crazy. You need to be able to throw caution to the wind and fight like you're in someone else's body. What are you going to do Joel, when you can't keep me down? What will you do when I just take everything that you throw at me, shrug it off and keep on coming? I know that I can take everything you can dish out, but when I look in your eyes I see fear and Bacon. And I don't think you can handle an opponent like me, I'm one of a kind. I'm a unstoppable machine, a viking god set for war. And if you cannot give me the war that I have been wanting, then I am going to send you straight to hell! Just so I can pry that belt from your cold, dead hands.
You can't handle someone like me Joel, you can't handle someone who has no fear for his own safety. I'll have that belt. The question is just how many pieces you will be in by the end of the night?

Airbourne Promo #2

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Hahaha, I must admit, the list amuses me. I laughed a bit at 39. But no matter how many lists you have. It won't be the easiest thing in the world to just take this thing away from me. Like I said, you were going to have to use every bit of talent to take it away from me. In a way, I felt you were holding back. I don't like it when people hold back on me in matches. It......displeases me, a lot. Too bad that was your closing promo, I do feel that the guy with your talent could have been capable of much more. Oh well, it seems I'll have to do something to counter-act your little list there. What to do, what to do....Ah! I know! I can give you a list of why you will not beat me tonight! How does that sound Alk? Or as your friends call you.....Stops. But this list I'm about to give is way too big, it would waste my time going down this 300 reason list while the fans fall asleep. It wouldn't put butts in seats, well, if the butts are sleeping, I guess they aren't going anywhere. So let's begin shall we?
1. You're crazy.
2-
Wait, that's all I need! You're just fucking insane! You're mind works well in matches, but there's no chance that the IWT wrestlers would go through one week of you holding that belt going on about your conspiracy business. You're trying to make an impact in this company, a mark. Something that would weld the name Alkaline into the IWT Universe. That name won't look as good when it's the name of a guy who needs to be locked up in an insane asylum. Since I have lost almost all hope of you regaining insanity, that won't stop me from beating the hell out of you and going home once again with the United States Championship. You've worked hard to get to this.....or have you? I seem to remember you saying something about how I didn't deserve this title, well let's go over the facts.
You say that I didn't deserve this title. I did after all, defeat a former IWT Champion, no matter what people say about the match, I did defeat him. Now before you go off about how I always brag about winning that match, let's talk about you. Let's talk about Stops won't we? Let's talk about him and Draven. You know, that tag team that he is the lesser part of? People adore Draven, but do they give a crap about Alkaline? They didn't. I think I have your whole motive figured out now. You were jealous of your partner's fame, so you went crazy, your mind started developing a conspiracy for you to promote, so you can be something. Where has that brought you Stops? A title match for a title that you really don't care about, but you somehow need to use it to 'save' people from the conspiracy? Yeah, I think I have it all figured out now. If there are any bits and pieces I missed, feel free to let me know after this match, I'd be so interested in listening to you blabber on about it.
If you don't mind, I would like to go over your little list there. I won't go over the whole thing, just bits and pieces of it. Beating me with a rubber chicken? How do you know that rubber chicken isn't involved with the conspiracy and is going to turn on you? Get a restraining order on me? I'd lose by count out, but keep the title, therefore, you fail. Pull me by the ear? Only for 4 seconds, or you'd get disqualified. Throwing cats at me? I have a cat of my own, it will only make me stronger. Superkicks? See, the Young Bucks was a good comparison. Throw me in an ambulance? You know this company doesn't give us health insurance. I have two brothers, so marrying my sister won't really work out for you, unless you go that way, which has nothing wrong with that. Snu Snus won't work, as I am secretly the king of snu snu's. Finally, let's face it, you're never going to be able to find the right castle that the princess is being held captive in, Toad just won't let you.
You seem to have gain some sanity though, but you lost it shortly after. You're now saying your want to kill me and sign my death certificate with my own blood. So yes, I am calling you insane. Have a problem with it? Ask the people around you, they can back up my opinion, no, the fact.
*The crowd starts to chant crazy*
You see? I know it may be hard for your to soak in, but it's the truth, I would feel bad for you, but I have to say that I don't. It enjoys me to see you suffer. I hope you understand that, because you know, the conspiracy thing has gotten so old so quick, so now it just annoys the hell out of me when I hear about it. Especially from your mouth Stops, you never learn to just shut up and keep walking, but I guess that's what keeps you going huh? I can't stop you from that, but I can reduce it, because I'm pretty sure it will be hard to talk when your mouth is swollen.....or your 6 feet under. Now let's move away from the crazy and the conspiracies for a moment shall we? I just want to talk about one thing right now, the United States Championship that we both desire.
You and I are both fighting to have this title, it's probably one of the greatest battles I've ever been in. I won this title not so honorably, I'm here to right that. I want to feel that if I beat you here tonight, my reign would mean something. Plus, we'll both have the experience with each other when we face off once again, which I can assure will happen. Another thing I can assure you is that after tonight, the person leaving here with the United States Championship will not be you, but the current United States Champion, Joel Rain. I wish this could have been longer, I'v enjoyed this match, but I do feel it will be the first of many battles between us, battles that will steal the show every time that they happen, we are the future Stops, tonight, it starts for the both of us.

Chairman

You were over an hour late. If you say you are going to be online. Then be online.

No offense but if you are supposed to do something then be available to do it. Airbourne got online and accepted the match but you weren't online at the allotted time. Not our fault that you ain't online on time.

Legend

You were over an hour late. If you say you are going to be online. Then be online.

No offense but if you are supposed to do something then be available to do it. Airbourne got online and accepted the match but you weren't online at the allotted time. Not our fault that you ain't online on time.

Click to expand...

Pardon me for having to leave the house. I wasn't aware I had to start it on the dot. Duly noted.

Chairman

Pardon me for having to leave the house. I wasn't aware I had to start it on the dot. Duly noted.

Click to expand...

You could have posted and said "Hey guys I'm gonna have to go out, can we postpone by an hour?" By which we then would have said "yes babe, thanks for notifying us".
you weren't here, Dat Kid stepped up. Deal with it.

Legend

You could have posted and said "Hey guys I'm gonna have to go out, can we postpone by an hour?" By which we then would have said "yes babe, thanks for notifying us".
you weren't here, Dat Kid stepped up. Deal with it.

Chairman

Greetings humans! It is I, Alkaline, the duck enthusiast and the master of all that is awesome. And the time has finally come, for my match with Joel Rain for the united states title! Will there be punches thrown? Yes! Will there be kicking? Yes! Will there be awkward pauses?.......Yeah I guess. Joel Rain! You better prepare yourself, even though you are fighting in a war you aren't aware of you better be prepared.​

​

If you have been following me this past week (and if you haven't, shame on you I'm trying to help you dammit!) you would know about my quest to divulge the conspiracy and secrets that run deep in this company. Deeper than Farooq's gut when he eats chicken, more well hidden than Scrooge McDuck's heart. Darker and scarier than Jonathan's porn stash, you get the idea. And you Joel, are nothing but a pawn in the Britluminati's plans, and you're not even aware of it! ​

These people want total control over the IWT, and from there they will stretch their reach to America, Mexico, Luxemburg and finally, Kentucky. My sources deep within the internet tell me that in Kentucky they will build a pyramid dedicated to the dark god Jeebawk, at which they will sacrifice the virgin FTJ for magical powers with which they will enslave the entire world! And possibly Cornwall. ​

​

There are ways to stop them though, the wielders of the 9 belts of power. Two belts forged for the main eventers in the sky, 6 forged for the midcarders in their locker rooms reeking of sweat. Twin belts for the tag teams doomed to always walk in twos. And one briefcase no one gives a shit about so we don't count it. The masters of these belts have the power to fight back the dark god Jeebawk and his cronies, but only if they are wielded as a united force. So the Britluminati have been gathering up a group of wrestlers, weak willed enough to be played with like puppets. These wrestlers have then been positioned so that they have been awarded title belts, just so that the Britluminati will be able to control the belts by proxy. Thus keeping them apart and forcing their dark Jeebawkish future upon us all! ​

​

Sadly Joel, you are one of these pawns. Holding the US title belt for these dastardly fiends from the shadows. I don't doubt your skills as a wrestler, your physical proves and athleticism. But you don't have an open enough mind to see what is going on behind the scenes, to read between the lines and to search through all the garbage for pebbles of truth. Around your waist you hold a belt with much more power in it than you can possibly imagine, which has been placed upon your waist in such a way that you think you won it by your own doing. But in reality it was put upon you because you are one of those that they can control, that they can play like a finely tuned harp. I don't want to hurt you young Joel, but I will if it means taking the US title from you and thus saving it from the paws of the cat urine smelling Britluminati. ​

​

My name is Alkaline, and I am willing to put my extremely athletic and sensual body, as well as my incredibly smart mind and pure as a saint soul on the line to take this belt from you. There are only two ways this match can end for me, victory or Valhalla. If I win I have the power to start fighting back the Britluminati's assault, if I lose they will strike while I am weak and end my existence. Thus failure is not an option, I have to fight not only for my own sake, but for your sake Joel, and for the sake of the entire locker room and all the IWT fans as well as the entire world! I'm doing this for you! I understand if you will fight back, you have been set up to do so. But I will not hold back just because you don't know better. I will strike hard, I will strike fast and I will strike with vengeance. ​

​

My name is Alkaline, and if there is a gawd, I will be your new United States Champion. ​

Chairman

Well I guess you're going to be reverting to atheism after this one won't ya? I can tell you that I will not be giving up my United States title so easily, it means to much to me. I have cherished this title for a month now and won't stand by and let somebody just take the damn thing away from its owner. So I say if you want my United States title, you're going to have to use every bit of your talent to get it away from me.

I have been working for this business for almost 2 and a half months, would you say it is impressive that I have managed to win the United States title in that time? Well, in this situation, I would understand if you weren't. You see, when the General Manager, Britanica, gave me permission to hold an open challenge to declare a new champion at Extreme Rules, I was excited. I was going to have a glorious battle with somebody on the IWT roster and hopefully take home the U.S. title. But, to my surprise, and newbie which seemed to have just jumped out of the audience accepted the challenge before anyone else could. I was willing, so we had the match booked at the Pay-Per-View. I was a newbie myself at that time, because obviously I don't really consider myself one now, was interested to see how all this would've gone out. Then, the match started. He was horrible, he couldn't even keep it going for more than 3 minutes. He ended up giving up, it was a shameful victory. He hasn't been seen since then. That's why I am hyped for this match. I have a challenge as an opponent, somebody who can make me fight for this title and come out a proud champion.

You remember the Young Bucks Alk? How they always did Super Kicks? Well, they remind me of you in a way. You go on and on about a conspiracy, you just won't stop. You're turned into this crazy, psychotic, nut job who thinks that the GM is planning something against this company and you have to 'save' the people from her. What have you been drinking man? Whatever it is, you need to stop drinking it and get your god damn sense back. But it's clear by now that somebody's going to have to beat it back into you. That somebody might as well be me. The only saving that's going to happen here tonight is me pulling you out of this trance that you're in. Wake up and smell the roses, nothing's going on here and your need to realize that Alk. Nothing is happening, hell, it would be exciting if something DID happen around here, but all we have is Spaniard's stealing titles and cats. But this conspiracy that you're promoting is just plain crazy, I know it's hard trying to get over, but this isn't the way to do it.

Also, what the hell is this Britluminati that you're going on about? I am not one of this people, and nobody is. You've gotten so invested in this conspiracy business that it's taken over your mind and have made you go completely insane. There's something that you can go on, worry about your mental health before you continue on with this stuff that your pull directly out of your ass. I'm sure plenty of people would like you to go around yelling about your psychological state than some made up conspiracy that you want to help get your over. By the way, I do have an open eye to see behind the scenes because there is a gaping hole in the General Manager's wall, the door has been busted down, and the window's are shattered. It would take a blind person not to see the stuff that goes on in there. Unless you're Alkaline, who pays no attention to anything that goes on backstage except the supposed conspiracy of the GM gathering wrestlers to be a part of the 'Britluminati'.

Since we're sort of re-introducing ourselves, I'll go ahead and do it myself. My name is Joel Rain, and I am the guy that will hopefully knock some sense into that thick head of yours to finally realize that all of this conspiracy stuff has poisoned your mind and made you a lunatic that believes in a non-existent organization of wrestlers that is planning against the other wrestlers and the IWT. So there is no Britluminati that would end your existence or something like that, you'll just lose, and I'll win and walk home with the United States title on my shoulder, my head held high, and probably eat some bacon when I get home. Celebratory bacon is the best bacon there is, especially when you just beat a sociopath to retain your beloved title, who will probably not stop his little reign of insanity until he supposedly 'defeats the Britluminati', sleep with a smile on his face, and hang the contract of the match on his fridge so his mom can be proud of him for winning a match. If you want to play this game, then fine, I will end you here and send you back down to the bottom of the food chain.

I am Joel Rain, and I love bacon. Oh and just to let you know, those cats never peed on me.

Chairman

You gaining the US title in two months time would be impressive, if you had actually earned it. You say I am crazy young man, that I have substance abuse problems and that I have lost track of reality, is that really the best you have to come with? Is your offense really so weak that you have to resort to personal insults in hope of gaining some kind of ground? This will be so much easier than I thought at first if that is the case. I have never abused a substance in my life, I have no history of head trauma or blood cloths in my head as well as a fully clean psychological evaluation so that rules out insanity. I have in fact never been better. What I am is just seeing things clearer than everybody else. There are powers at play here bigger than you or I boy. You just refuse to see the patterns since you are clinging to that title belt of yours like a mother holding a child. And the way you won your belt is proof enough for my claims. The previous champion was stripped of his belt under false claims, leaving it wide open for you to take in a match versus someone that you yourself said "Looked like a kid who just jumped out of the audience". You were set up to win that belt because you are weak of mind and easy for the powers that be to control. You can go on about as many staged accomplishments as you want. A person beating nobodies is still a nobody until proven otherwise. I am trained by Eric Draven, the first ever WWE champion in this company's history. It is no secret that this company has been out for his hide since he dropped the belt in disgust at the direction the company was heading. I am just helping my friend reclaim his pride as well as the pride of the company he loves, this very company. Me taking that belt off of your pasty waist is just a bonus.

This company is being run into the ground as we speak but you just refuse to see it. Our General manager disappears for weeks at a time and then returns and makes drastic changes before disappearing again. And the assistant GM has his head so far up his own ass that every day is in four shades of brown. It is obvious that there are powers backstage running things with those two dolts "in charge".

You compare me to the Young bucks, that sure is a compliment for the bucks. But I find it a bit odd that you know who the Young bucks are, since you obviously have zero knowledge of this sport we both practice. You say you have been at this for 2 months, come back when you have been doing this for as long as I have kid. I started out cutting my teeth in Europe, trading blows with the most physical and brutal of combatants until I was on top. Then I went to Japan, busting my chops to gain peak physical and technical skills with the best wrestlers in the world until I was on top. And neither you nor anyone else in this company can compare to those crazy rice munchers. Then I went to Mexico and learnt the art of lucha libre, before heading into the states to make the independent scene my bitch. Wherever I have gone Joel, I have been on top. You might beat me here, I am not ruling the possibility of it being the time of all the planets aligning tonight out. But it would just be a speed bump. I will be on top of this company, it is just a matter of time. It doesn't matter what you or those sycophants backstage think or how they or you try to stop me. All I need is the chance to hit one backbreaker to the future and I will have you down for the 1, 2, 3. And the title reign of Joel Rain will be history.

In fact, that's not the only way I can beat you Joel. I have a list, of over 500 ways that I can beat you right here in this ring. I have an exert right here of the first 50. Let's take a look shall we:

1. Pinfall​

2. Kick him in the balls​

3. Teabagging​

4. Beating him with a rubber chicken​

5. throwing eggs at him until he submits​

6. Submission​

7. Tickle him to death​

8. the moss-covered three-handled family gredunza​

9. Get a restraining order on him​

10. Put him through a table​

11. Piss in his tea​

12. Pull him by the ear​

13. Eye poke​

14. Armbar​

15. annoy his parents until they make him give up so that I’ll leave them alone​

16. Spear​

17. inverted kick in the balls​

18. Rochambo​

19. Climb the ladder and remove the belt​

20. Saskatchewan spinning nerve hold​

21. Flex off​

22. Throw cats at him until he becomes allergic​

23. Atomic leg drop​

24. Armbar version 1.0​

25. Superkick superkick superkick​

26. Unmask him​

27. Never Ending game of hide and seek​

28. Bribe Britanica​

29. Dance a seductive dance​

30. I’m Batman​

31. Throw him in the ambulance​

32. Clothesline from hell​

33. Russian mob hit​

34. Tazmanian underhook finger lock​

35. Marry his sister​

36. Stealing his life​

37. Hack his bank account​

38. Tombstone piledriver​

39. Flying teabag​

40. Death by snu snu​

41. combining the power crystals​

42. Assemble Voltron​

43. Hit him with a chair​

44. Take the leadership matrix, thus becoming Optimus Prime​

45. Save the princess... in the right castle!​

46. Get the Delorean to hit 80mph​

47. Mother Theresa powerbomb​

48. Get elected pope​

49. Join the dark side​

​

50. Induce Anorexia​

​

That's just the first 50 ways for me to beat you Joel. I have over 450 more. I can keep going all night but if I did you would probably get an inferiority complex or a severe depression. Which by the way is also on the list.​

​

You think I am insane, okay let's be serious here for a while then. See that belt around your waist? I'm gonna take that from you, I am going to break your bones to take that belt, I am going to write your death certificate in your own blood to take that belt as you are watching. The only reason you are US champion is because you're a spineless little twerp that Brit, Jonathan and god knows who else can play like a violin. If they gave you an order to jump you wouldn't ask why, you'd ask "how high?". Spineless little shitstains like you make me sick. You're the result of politics, a paper champion through and through with nothing to show but beating a kid from the crowd for the belt, well aren't you the big man? Beating up a kid like some second grade bully. You say I am insane, the doctors say otherwise but maybe I am. Because to succeed in this business, you need to be a little bit crazy. You need to be able to throw caution to the wind and fight like you're in someone else's body. What are you going to do Joel, when you can't keep me down? What will you do when I just take everything that you throw at me, shrug it off and keep on coming? I know that I can take everything you can dish out, but when I look in your eyes I see fear and Bacon. And I don't think you can handle an opponent like me, I'm one of a kind. I'm a unstoppable machine, a viking god set for war. And if you cannot give me the war that I have been wanting, then I am going to send you straight to hell! Just so I can pry that belt from your cold, dead hands.​

​

You can't handle someone like me Joel, you can't handle someone who has no fear for his own safety. I'll have that belt. The question is just how many pieces you will be in by the end of the night?​

Hahaha, I must admit, the list amuses me. I laughed a bit at 39. But no matter how many lists you have. It won't be the easiest thing in the world to just take this thing away from me. Like I said, you were going to have to use every bit of talent to take it away from me. In a way, I felt you were holding back. I don't like it when people hold back on me in matches. It......displeases me, a lot. Too bad that was your closing promo, I do feel that the guy with your talent could have been capable of much more. Oh well, it seems I'll have to do something to counter-act your little list there. What to do, what to do....Ah! I know! I can give you a list of why you will not beat me tonight! How does that sound Alk? Or as your friends call you.....Stops. But this list I'm about to give is way too big, it would waste my time going down this 300 reason list while the fans fall asleep. It wouldn't put butts in seats, well, if the butts are sleeping, I guess they aren't going anywhere. So let's begin shall we?

​

1. You're crazy.​

2-​

​

Wait, that's all I need! You're just fucking insane! You're mind works well in matches, but there's no chance that the IWT wrestlers would go through one week of you holding that belt going on about your conspiracy business. You're trying to make an impact in this company, a mark. Something that would weld the name Alkaline into the IWT Universe. That name won't look as good when it's the name of a guy who needs to be locked up in an insane asylum. Since I have lost almost all hope of you regaining insanity, that won't stop me from beating the hell out of you and going home once again with the United States Championship. You've worked hard to get to this.....or have you? I seem to remember you saying something about how I didn't deserve this title, well let's go over the facts.​

​

You say that I didn't deserve this title. I did after all, defeat a former IWT Champion, no matter what people say about the match, I did defeat him. Now before you go off about how I always brag about winning that match, let's talk about you. Let's talk about Stops won't we? Let's talk about him and Draven. You know, that tag team that he is the lesser part of? People adore Draven, but do they give a crap about Alkaline? They didn't. I think I have your whole motive figured out now. You were jealous of your partner's fame, so you went crazy, your mind started developing a conspiracy for you to promote, so you can be something. Where has that brought you Stops? A title match for a title that you really don't care about, but you somehow need to use it to 'save' people from the conspiracy? Yeah, I think I have it all figured out now. If there are any bits and pieces I missed, feel free to let me know after this match, I'd be so interested in listening to you blabber on about it.​

​

If you don't mind, I would like to go over your little list there. I won't go over the whole thing, just bits and pieces of it. Beating me with a rubber chicken? How do you know that rubber chicken isn't involved with the conspiracy and is going to turn on you? Get a restraining order on me? I'd lose by count out, but keep the title, therefore, you fail. Pull me by the ear? Only for 4 seconds, or you'd get disqualified. Throwing cats at me? I have a cat of my own, it will only make me stronger. Superkicks? See, the Young Bucks was a good comparison. Throw me in an ambulance? You know this company doesn't give us health insurance. I have two brothers, so marrying my sister won't really work out for you, unless you go that way, which has nothing wrong with that. Snu Snus won't work, as I am secretly the king of snu snu's. Finally, let's face it, you're never going to be able to find the right castle that the princess is being held captive in, Toad just won't let you.​

​

You seem to have gain some sanity though, but you lost it shortly after. You're now saying your want to kill me and sign my death certificate with my own blood. So yes, I am calling you insane. Have a problem with it? Ask the people around you, they can back up my opinion, no, the fact.​

​

*The crowd starts to chant crazy*​

​

You see? I know it may be hard for your to soak in, but it's the truth, I would feel bad for you, but I have to say that I don't. It enjoys me to see you suffer. I hope you understand that, because you know, the conspiracy thing has gotten so old so quick, so now it just annoys the hell out of me when I hear about it. Especially from your mouth Stops, you never learn to just shut up and keep walking, but I guess that's what keeps you going huh? I can't stop you from that, but I can reduce it, because I'm pretty sure it will be hard to talk when your mouth is swollen.....or your 6 feet under. Now let's move away from the crazy and the conspiracies for a moment shall we? I just want to talk about one thing right now, the United States Championship that we both desire. ​

​

You and I are both fighting to have this title, it's probably one of the greatest battles I've ever been in. I won this title not so honorably, I'm here to right that. I want to feel that if I beat you here tonight, my reign would mean something. Plus, we'll both have the experience with each other when we face off once again, which I can assure will happen. Another thing I can assure you is that after tonight, the person leaving here with the United States Championship will not be you, but the current United States Champion, Joel Rain. I wish this could have been longer, I'v enjoyed this match, but I do feel it will be the first of many battles between us, battles that will steal the show every time that they happen, we are the future Stops, tonight, it starts for the both of us.​

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