Here’s what John Travolta’s hair looked like a month ago. Don’t tell me this is all natural. My hair doesn’t even grow that fast. And I’m practically the world champion of hair growth. This is almost two inches. Please.

Unless plugs grow faster? Like they’re supercharged with some kind of growth root? If you have any knowledge about this at all, do share, though Duana just countered that plugs also don’t come in that thick. So it has to be a combination -- of plugging, weaving, and spraying? Like part of his head is actual follicle and the other part is stitched in and it’s all finished with a mist of black ink to even out the sparse areas?

How long does this take?!?

John and Kelly Preston were at Vanity Fair last night…and so was Paul Haggis who hates the Church now. It’s a big enough party to be able to occupy different corners and not have to make it awkward but if by chance they walk past one another in a corridor, do they avert eyes, or does John give him the Xenu eyes which, I imagine, are different from the massage therapist eyes…as we collectively “tee hee” at the brilliance of having him introduce the musical tribute.