Monday, May 22, 2017

Crocodile aka Chorakhe 1979

Why yes, another Jaws rip off. Shot cheap in Thailand and partly produced by the infamous Dick Randall, this giant reptile replaces the shark with the uninspired title simply known as Crocodile.

"Momma said, crocodiles are so angry because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush."

Out of the opening credits a narrator lets us know that,
“from the very beginning man has been trying to destroy nature, and that one
day nature could rebel.” Well, sometimes
we need to destroy it; after all we need to build homes , cool record stores, bowling allies and other shit, so
there! However, I don’t think nature's with me and the movie kicks off with a deadly hurricane destroying a small village. Yeah, you really
got your revenge nature, one small village, is that the best you can do? Next a giant water spout forms, it reaches
the clouds and we see a crocodile splashing in the water, barely, because the
picture is so dark that I can't really see what the hell is going on.

While eating dinner we meet two doctors, one married with a daughter and the other one
about to tie the knot. The group is discussing the inclement weather and one of
the ladies asks if the storm was caused by atomic blasts. Hmmm, so did crocodile create the bad weather, or was it the nuclear blasts and if it was the blasts then it must of been radiation that caused the croc to grow extra large and become super aggressive, right? I don’t
think we ever really know and who really cares? I'm just ready to see some crocodile carnage at this point!

"Look the waiter is getting eaten by a croc, LOL"

"Go out deep, nothing to worry about."

"Stop, that tickles!"

The two devoted doctors plan one last get together before the big wedding date, they want a little fun in the sun. The movie tries to
trick us when the bride to be pretends to drown. Real mature lady, great example for the kid too. I
guess she was just foreshadowing her own demise because it isn’t too much later that both ladies and the kid are devoured by the croc.

"My families dead but even worse, I'm back in school!"

'Hey you, Croco-smile for the camera."

After the tragedy, Dr. Tony Akom (basically Chief Brody) takes a leave of absence from his job and won’t rest
until he finds out exactly what happened to his family. While he’s slowly
discovering that this was no shark job, our giant crocodile continues wreaking
havoc on small villages, destroying fruit stands, eating naked children along
with a monkey and a cape buffalo.(I think that was a cape buffalo?) As Steve Irwin used to say, "He's a bit grumpy." The streak of mayhem seems to have a pattern and it clues the doc to where the beast might strike next.

Cape Buffalo Wings

12 year old boys doing full frontal nudity, just what every film needs! yuck!

I'm not going to list any of the films stars because the only real star of the film is the bad dubbing. It's what makes the dull parts, and there are many, so entertaining. For example when the Dr. is sulking over the death of his family, he has a flash back of his daughter talking about how she's learning to swim and has a new inner tube to help her out, well, you just can't help but giggle and snort milk out your nose. My all time favorite ridiculous dubbing has got to be Cannibal Mercenary with Calamity of Snakes as the runner up.

Once the two doctors know what they're up against they find a Quint and begin their search and destroy mission. But will they need a bigger boat? Hell YES!

"I'll get you the jaws, the torso, the scrotum, the taint, the..."

Well, time to go down and sing, Show Me The Way Home."

'Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

This is just pure Z grade crap that is pretty darn entertaining. If you haven't seen it, your not missing much, but if you love Jaws rip offs and "When Animals Attack" type films add it to your movie bucket list. The film does have a mondo moment where a crocodile is sliced open at a market by a food vendor, Whether it was already dead or killed for the film I don't know, but it's clear that director Sands must of been watching some Deodato or Lenzi flicks.

Only Recommended for people who love Giant reptiles or fans of super silly dubbing. These two things put together make this a clear winner for this Smelly Ape!

Check out this Gut's Exclusive! We tracked down one of the Crocodiles who acted in this film. He was only in the X-rated version that was re-titled CrocoLingus for the European markets.
Hear what he had to say and watch the long lost newly restored trailer!