TEACHER:'If I had forty apples in one hand and fifty in the
other, what would I have?'
PUPIL:'Big hands.'

TEACHER:'How can you prove the world is round?'
PUPIL:'I never said it was, miss.'

TEACHER:'Did your big brother help you with your
homework?'
PUPIL:'No, miss, he did all the work himself.'

TEACHER:'You should have been here at nine
o'clock.'
PUPIL:'Why, what happened?'

MOTHER TO SON:'Come on, you'll be late for
school.'
'Shan't,' came the reply from the bedroom.
'Why, what's wrong?'
'The teachers hate me and the kids despise me.'
'I'll give you two good reasons why you should go.'
'What are they?'
'One - you're forty-one, and two - you're the headmaster.'

'Would you like to buy a pocket calculator, sir?'
'No, thanks, I know how many pockets I've got.'

CUSTOMER:'I would like to try on that suit in the
window,
please'
ASSISTANT:'I'm sorry, sir, you have to try it on in the changing-rooms, like
everybody else.'