Hands-On Geolocation: An App For "Proud Masturbators And Public Sex Act Aficionados"

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Most press releases are extremely boring. They all say the same things. Not this one.

Today, my inbox was graced by pitch that can only be described as stimulating. It made me laugh, it made me question if it was real, and it made me a little creeped out — all in one. But it is actually relevant to something I’m particularly interested in right now: Location. It’s for a service called FapMapper, a location-based service that allows you to show where you masturbate and/or where you have public sex. Yep.

There are plenty of tagged places in San Francisco already. For example, here’s one that reads, “jerked it watching my neighbor water plants. Hot” — and yes, it includes the address where that took place. Here’s another, “post lunch office bathroom.” At least it was post-lunch, I suppose.

Generally, it’s very poor form to just copy and paste a press release into a post, but this one is just too good for everyone to miss. And honestly, anything I say can’t do this service (which works on the web and through the web interfaces of the iPhone, Droid, Pre and other phones) more justice than how they lay it out. I mean, “mastur-beta” and ““fap” is a euphemism for masturbation that is increasingly popular among young, tech-savvy Web users.” Brilliant stuff. Read the whole thing below:

VAN NUYS, Calif. – At long last, proud masturbators and public sex act aficionados have a fully functional utility with which to document their sexual exploits; FapMapper.com (www.fapmapper.com) is out of ‘mastur-beta’ and ready for primetime.

Compatible with desktop computers, as well as the iPhone, Droid, Palm Pre and other web-capable mobile devices, FapMapper quickly picked up a relatively small but dedicated member base after its beta launch in September.

“We’ve had hundreds of users putting the FapMapper through its paces and submitting suggestions for a couple months now, and we’re finally ready to unveil the official web app,” said Kim Kysar, brand and product manager for Pink Visual, the porn studio behind FapMapper.com. “It’s very gratifying to see this important tool for sexual self-expression ready for widespread use at last.”

While the name FapMapper is a reference to masturbation (“fap” is a euphemism for masturbation that is increasingly popular among young, tech-savvy Web users), Kysar said there’s more going on within the map grids of FapMapper than self-pleasuring alone.

“We’ve got couples posting about having sex on camping trips, people just marking places where they spotted a particularly beautiful woman walking down the street, even things that have nothing whatsoever to do with sex or masturbation,” Kysar said. “That’s just the nature of any social networking tool; once you release it out into the world, the community develops on its own, and decides for itself what to do with the utility you have provided.”

In addition to comments from users, FapMapper now offers revealing statistical data, like the top fapping cities, states and individual users. The map also features icons identifying adult stores where FapMapper users will find Pink Visual titles stocked on the shelves.

“Just in case FapMapper users are in need of extra inspiration for their fapping, we thought we’d throw them a bone, so to speak, and let them know where they can find the latest and greatest Pink Visual titles,” Kysar said. “It’s a great value-add for our retail partners, too, as they are being advertised to a population of truly dedicated masturbators and porn fans without spending a dime for the exposure.”

At the moment, a user named “Bigbwoy” from Toronto owns the top spot on the Frequent Fapper charts, while California is the top state, and San Antonio, Texas is the city with the most “Fap Pins” placed thus far. Kysar said it’s still too early to declare any individual, city or state the “perversion champion” based on FapMapper’s data, however.

“I have to believe that once this thing really gets rolling, you’ll see San Francisco climb the charts from its current position as the fourth place fapping city,” Kysar said. “We clearly don’t have the penetration we need in the southern Atlantic coastal states, either; how can Florida, the ancestral home of Spring Break festivities, not even be in the top 10 Fap States? That’s just downright shameful.”

For more information, visit http://www.fapmapper.com. Warning: you may learn more about your neighbor’s masturbation habits than you ever wanted to know.