Talking with Teens about Their Looks

If you were to start reviewing the statistics attached to the rate at which teens develop eating disorders it might frighten you – especially if you are the parent of teens. It is, however, not something to ignore. Now, the reasons behind eating disorders are often described as “unknown” or “mysterious”, but it does not require a university degree to see that many young women (and men) develop an eating related issue because of the universal favouritism towards thinness.

Pick up a magazine or flip through the television stations and you rarely see men and women who are outside of a specific “type”. Tall, thin, and in very good physical condition seems to be the anticipated norm. The problem is that so many of these people are well below the “norm” in terms of weight and the hours that they spend maintaining that weight.

Now, also consider how this sort of cultural perception applies to faces too. For example, if we look back into Ancient Egypt we see that there was a preference for specific types of “hooked” noses (the famous Cleopatra herself was the owner of the “family nose” that was distinctly hooked and not what we would consider beautiful today). This means that, if plastic surgery existed then, thousands of people might go to a physician and ask for Cleopatra’s nose.

We scoff at this, but just think of how many teens want Jennifer Aniston’s body or another celebrity’s nose, etc.

Opening a Dialogue

What all of this tells us is that parents have to consider discussing looks – body and face – with kids at a relatively early point in life. They should ensure that their children understand that there is no such thing as “perfect” or “normal”. This is one way to prevent kids from developing a dislike of their own face or body because it is unlike that of another.

It is also important for parents to let kids know that they understand the need to “fit in” and that if a particular facial feature is problematic (a severe overbite, a hooked nose, an overly prominent chin) that there are surgical solutions. The key here, however, is to discuss the need to finish growing before anything is done to the appearance.

One way that physicians suggest this is done is by showing a child a photograph of a parent or relation with a similar characteristic, and then showing them that same person when they were very young. This illustrates for the child or young adult just how much the individual appearance changes in less than a decade.

For instance, that grandmother who had an attractive face may have had overly large features of one kind or another while they were in their early teens. Showing the unhappy teen that their grandparent “grew into” their features is a good way to help them develop a strong self-image. It is also going to show them that waiting for any changes is practical.

Consider too that many physicians flatly refuse to perform any sort of cosmetic procedures before kids reach a certain age. This too has to do with development and the need to wait for growth to slow or cease altogether.

Talking about looks in an age when looks seem to be everything is challenging. Letting kids know that responsible physicians can help to amend any issues that make them unhappy is a good thing to do, but also help them to see that their looks (or their own opinion of them) should never be based on the opinions of others, or of society in general.

Do you think that the behaviour known as bullying might lead to a health problem? Interestingly enough, it often does. The condition known as body dysmorphia is often brought about by someone focusing too much mental energy on one part of the body and finding that they cannot alter it enough to meet their standards.

Here is an example:

A high school girl of 15 is told that her nose is “huge”. She knows by looking at her other family members that the family does have a tendency towards protruding and even slightly “hooked” noses. This makes her quite miserable. The bully at school keeps reminding her of her “ugly” appearance each day and soon this girl has decided that she absolutely must get the nose fixed.

Her parents want the girl to stop hating herself and agree. One surgery leads to another, and then a third because the girl just feels that the nose is getting uglier and uglier. This, however, is all inaccurate and is a case of body dysmorphia brought about by bullying.

The Cautionary Tale

We tell this to you because it is imperative to understand that bullying is now such a massive and widespread issue that anyone can become a victim. And we mention this because so many people have started changing their appearances because of constant bullying.

Just consider the ways that people are currently experiencing bullying:

Telephone

Email

Social networks

In school or work

Even in their own family

This tells us that there is literally no way that we can escape bullying, and if that negative attention is directed at our appearance it is only a matter of time before we ourselves start to believe the lies.

For example, the girl in question is a perfect example of the end results of bullying. She had to hear from the bullies, from her friends, through social networks, and even in her daily commute to school that her “oh so offensive” nose was not acceptable. This was all ridiculous, and even her surgeon told her that there was nothing structurally wrong with her nose. The septum was great, respiration was uninterrupted, and nothing was needed to keep the nose functioning optimally.

Sadly, so much of that changed when she did get the surgery because too many surgeries can lead to deterioration of the tissue. We have all seen what happens when celebrities get a little too fixated on their lips or their noses. And a good surgeon would never allow such a thing to occur.

Choosing a Surgeon

So, this means that we cannot take a bully at their word, and we must certainly work only with a physician who gives us an accurate response to the request for cosmetic work. While it is a matter of free choice to get something like rhinoplasty (nose surgery) done, a good doctor will advise against it if it is clear that body dysmorphia is at work.

For example, if the patient is under the age of 18, a physician is going to ask them to seriously consider the long term impact of the choice to alter their own appearance. They might also ask the patient to discuss when and why they decided to make the decision. In the example of the girl being bullied, the physician may have failed to ask the girl precisely why she decided to alter her nose. Perhaps if that doctor knew that the girl’s view of herself he or she might have advised her against it and instead instructed her to wait and even consult a counsellor to discuss the matter.

If any of this sounds familiar, it is best to wait until the bullying has stopped to make a decision.