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13 August 2010

And thank goodness!! I thought it was Thursday three days in a row this week. I will let you do the math, but I was only right one of those days. That's just the kind of week it's been.

I can't believe how close we are to meeting this little guy: 53 days until I'm 40 weeks ... but if I'm any judge of his personality, he will be the one to determine the time of his arrival -- not some little baby calendar!!

So much of our anticipation of meeting him, at least since that first ultrasound, has been related to the heart defect: how that will affect him and our lives. We've still been enjoying all the of the normal expecting-our-first-baby stuff that you would expect, but since the initial diagnosis, we've also had to deal with the inescapable reality that (barring a miracle, of course) Ewan's first few weeks will be challenged. Our joy has shone brightly, but through a dark veil of congenital heart defects.

But this weekend, I get to focus on happy things. I intend to take a break from thinking about Tetralogy of Fallot for an afternoon, how it has and will continue to shape our lives, just so I can let people shower us with love and much-needed baby swag. I'm going back to my hometown of Bellingham for my first official baby shower (I did get a surprise one at work yesterday, so I guess this will actually be the second -- but the first one I knew about in advance), and I'm really looking forward to it. Many of the people attending have known me since I was a child!!

No doubt we will talk about Ewan's heart. I don't intend to ignore it, but I hope we spend at least just as much time adoring the belly, feeling for kicks and squirms, and gushing over teeny-tiny adorable baby boy clothing.

I know it will be so good for me to be immersed in the joy of welcoming and preparing for this child -- to remember that in spite of the tough road we know we can anticipate -- that a new life is something to celebrate and rejoice over, whether or not he comes to us with a body is ready to equip him for living and thriving. I'm hoping this weekend will continue to impress upon me the reality of the gift that he is to us just as he is. I hope it reminds me that every tear we cry, every moment we spend waiting in the NICU, and every minute we feel like we're falling apart is worth it.

3 comments:

I'm so glad to know you'll be showered in love this weekend as you trek home to the 'ham and let people coo over you and give you lovely gifts for Ewan's new life. (And how fun to have a surprise shower at work, too!)

I'm loving the photos you shared on the earlier posts this week ... so good to see you using your lenses again!

Absolutely! As I read your beautiful updates they take me back to that time when I was still pregnant and feeling those exact same feelings. Now looking back at our time in the NICU, hospital, all the tears and fear, etc (the things we feared when we were in your shoes) I can absolutely tell you that you are so right- It is ALL worth it. Every single minute. If nothing else, it makes you a better person- a better mommy. You appreciate the little things so much more. You hug them a little tighter and you will never give up a moment to tickle, or play, or read a story. It is a beautiful thing. Andrew's tiny heart has taught me HUGE things about life. What a gift. I am so excited for Ewan to do the same to you (although I know he already has!) Just wait till you meet him... a love like you could never describe. :)