1. When collecting animals for the ark, do not collect cows, sheep or pigs (animals that provide humans with food and clothing) save the giraffe and the rhino, and then return them to Africa, the only part of the world that wasn't flooded anyways!
2. Even during the apocalypse, you will have excellent cell phone reception.
3. Can't afford a 1 billion euro ticket? Take the back stage.
4. You should always conduct a 10 minute debate on "opening the door" when it's 15 minutes before impact!
5. Apparently a 1 billion euro ticket aboard the biggest ship ever built allows you the same boarding procedure as a budget airline.
6. Hiding under a table during an earthquake isn't always the best idea.
7. Don't get stuck in the middle compartment because that will be the only one that fully fills with water.
8. A limo can survive just about anything.
9. During the end of the world, all men of God would rather die than get on an ark.
10. Cars never start when you want them to, but they can outrun earthquakes that swallow entire buildings.
11. New York City will be spared from the apocalypse, finally. Or at least its imminent disaster will be finally hidden from audiences...
12. Arnold is still governor in 2012 even though his second and last term ends in 2011.
13. The metal doors of the ship built with billions and billions of euros can get jammed easily by a handy tool.
14. There are enough billionaires in the world to fill 6 massive arks.
15. John Cusack can hold his breath for a long ass time.
16. The Russian President´s English was sufficient for what Danny Glover had to say in the 2010 meeting.
17. In Ark #4, there was room for 10 people in Chiwetel Ejiofor's cabin.
18. When searching for end-of-the-world-secret-government-ship-location-maps in Woody´s camper, look in the conspiracy section between "Marilyn Monroe" and "Roswell".
19. Yellowstone’s gasses can kill a 250 LB elk but Cusak and his kids can breath just fine.
20. A Russian couple can have fat evil carrot top ginger twins.
21. SONY VAIO has dibs on the apocalyptic laptops.
22. Even after all communication on earth has ceased, a guy in India can still call you on your cell phone!
23. After two flight lessons you can achieve amazing acts of daring and stunts that would shame the Thunderbirds.
24. If you fall into the earth, just climb back up.
25. When you only have seconds to save the lives of everyone on your ship by going down a quickly flooding tunnel, make sure you take the time to hug, kiss, whisper, and finally slowly move apart while still exchanging words inaudibly with your ex wife.
26. Runways have a nasty habit of collapsing into the ground just as you want to use them.
27. You must always have a hat... and pull-ups.
28. The former enemies of the US will all be confined to an ark together: Japan, Russia, and China.
29. A young scientist is worth more than 10 old politicians.
30. They will not come to pick you up. Even if you discovered that the world was ending.
31. Always buy mosquito repellent before going camping.
32. If you are piloting a plane that has landed halfway off of a cliff, don’t bother trying to escape right away. Just sit there for a while and breathe a big sigh of relief.
33. When the world is about to end and there is a chance for escape, the majority of our world’s leaders will instead stay with their people. (this actually only applied to the USA and Italy)
34. The president’s daughter didn't kiss boys until she was in college.
35. World leaders will always position similar looking icons behind their heads when having video conference calls.
36. If you spot a man and his children in a restricted zone send several Humvees and a helicopter to tell him to leave, then introduce these random hikers to the head scientist of the entire planet.
37. Install video cameras in holding tanks where animals *beep* they may come in handy.
38. Always wear a hardhat to The Vatican during times of prayer.
39. Religious nuts and other types who hold signs about the end of the world aren't crazy after all.
40. Never pin your hopes on refueling in Hawaii during a crisis.
41. If you’re about to get hit by a big wave and you’re near a huge Buddhist gong on top of a mountain.... Go for it man. Ring the hell out of that thing!
42. It might be good to blow up Air-force One after you’re done using it just in case it randomly gets swept up by a giant wave and rams the ark that you’re trying to escape in.
43. Just like waves, aircraft carriers quadruple in size as they approach land.
44. Solar flares and eruptions on the sun will send waves through space that will lead to the destruction of everything on Earth, but the government's satellite systems surrounding Earth out in space will allow the government to monitor the activity.
45. The continent of Africa in the future will be populated by Elephants, Rhinos, Giraffes, and little dogs.
46. Even the Apocalypse doesn't give a *beep* about Africa.
47. Before running away from disaster to save your life, you need to kill a chicken and have a meal first.
48. A Russian girl's whistle to her dog is louder than thousands of people screaming.
49. The Sistine chapel will crack exactly between Adam and God.
50. In order to survive:
a. Get a pet, preferably a dog. So long as you hold the dog you will live. Just trust me - DON'T LET THAT DOG GO FOR AN INSTANT!!!
b. When in your group, always try to determine immediately who the leader/protagonist will be. Once he's determined, be his best friend. Don't do anything risky/risque with his family. Hollywood/the world hates competition with the protagonist. So DON'T BE COMPETITION. YOU WILL BE ELIMINATED/TERMINATED WITHOUT A SECOND'S HESITATION.

51. When the world ends... the last thing ever made will read... "MADE IN CHINA"
52. Woody Harrelson did his own animation
53. A plane does not need that much runway to takeoff from.
54. Everyone on Earth understands and speaks perfect English.
55. During the end of the world, there is not one single mention of Australia because they just aren't important.
56. When your boyfriend gets ripped to shreds, don't even pretend to be upset. You still have your ex-husband, your kids won't even notice.
57. Never get in the same car with the director of the Louvre.
58. If the magnetic poles reverse, no satellites or navigational systems will be affected.
59. Russian multi-billionaires must start their voice-operated Bentleys in English. (The car was actually part of an auto-show)
60. If you ask someone if they would like to come with you, be sure to remind them that staying where they are will result in their death
61. While an ark can withstand a collision with a Boeing 747, smashing into another ark, and crashing into Mount Everest, a small amount of rubble falling on top of one can render it completely useless.
62. Children and animals never die, even if they're annoying and fat
63. 1 billion dollars is nothing, 1 billion euros is something to cry about.
64. Bentley's can seat three grown men, two grown women, four children, and a dog.
65. Don't trust your Russian boyfriend to save you. Especially if you are screwing around with his gorgeous blonde pilot.
66. Cruise ships aren't safe havens in disaster movies nor are aircraft carriers.
67. If you live in California and there is a succession of minor earthquakes and the ground starts to split open all over the state.....pack a bag and grab a plane to Africa!!! ASAP!!!
68. Don't hold a grudge too long or wait to long to say,"I love you." Life is short. When the end of the world comes...it just might be too late
69. Danny Glover breaks his promises to little girls who cannot find their mother. (I think it may have actually been her father... not sure)
70. Somehow or another, we all have a relative who lives/lived in the future South Pole.
71. Las Vegas manages to still have power even when the world is crumbling around it.
72. Everything happens, quicker than expected.
73. Toppling skyscrapers quite commonly lean against each other, and vehicular access underneath them is surprisingly stress-free.
74. Best way to stop an argument with a wife or a girlfriend is to have a supermarket split in half.
75. Public transport will still be overpriced in 2012
76. Despite massive shift and colossal damage to the Earth's crust, all continents will retain their shape.
77. Even if you bring back your kids to Southern California from Yellowstone EARLY, you will still be LATE for work!
78. If you're an air traffic controller in the tower at the Las Vegas airport, you will care more about preventing the Russian plane from taking off than the Black Fiery Cloud of Death about to incinerate you!
79. Buildings that have glass exteriors, also have glass interiors, which makes it easy to drive through them.
80. If the back end of a Winnebago is blown off, you can keep driving on the front wheels.
81. When you are about to crash in the ocean with a plane, its safe to promise your children they will not die. There is a chance that dry land will move a few 1000 km in your direction landing you at you exact targeted destination.
82. John Cusack is completely invincible to all end of the world scenarios.
83. There's a difference between a spaceship and an ark.
84. You do NOT freeze in sub-zero temperatures after crash-landing in the Himalayas.
85. Showing some planets and sun flares at the beginning of your movie makes it seem scientifically possible.
86. When the world is coming to an end, Germany may speak for Italy.
87. When they tell you not to panic, THAT'S WHEN YOU RUN!!!
88. Ignore the “Restricted Area” sign and just climb over the fence.
89. America will be the only world power not represented in the New World Order as not one single member of the president’s cabinet made it onto an ark.
90. It only takes 3 years to plan for the apocalypse, hallow out the Himalayan mountains, and build 6 of the largest and most intricate arks known to man.
91. Some black father’s encourage their children to read. (An ice-cream for every book)
92. A man can live on pickles alone.
93. Christian symbols around the world will be the only religious icons destroyed by the apocalypse.
94. The Mayan prophecy really had nothing to do with the events of this film.
95. Africa means “Cape of Hope”
96. Black people are the only voices of reason and humanity.
97. Russians don’t fare well in apocalyptic settings.
98. When your ex-husband is the head of special projects to save humanity, it’s probably best not to end your last conversation by saying “I never want to see you again”
99. Like the cup overflowing with tea, sometimes you must empty your head of all reason to see the light of wisdom.
100. If you’re going to throw story out the window and rely solely on KILLER special effects, leave your ill-played-out morals and messages out of the movie as well…