The good folks over at Cinematical dug up this little gem, a trailer for a movie called Sharks in Venice. Watching it, I initially thought it was a joke: Some strange mash-up of Stephen Baldwin movies and Discovery’s Shark Week. But no: It’s real. And it’s beautiful. Carnage. Stephen Baldwin. More Carnage! More Stephen Baldwin!

Is it my birthday?

Get this plot summary, from iMDB:

The seemingly tranquil waterways of Venice are terrorized by the perfect killing machine. In search of his father who has mysteriously disappeared diving in the city, David stumbles across the cryptic trail leading to the long-lost fortune of the Medici. As the unwitting pawn in a Mafia plot to recover the treasure, David’s girlfriend is kidnapped at gunpoint, plunging him into a desperate race against time. If he has any hope of saving her he must enter the deadly waters. Can David out-gun the Mafia assassins and survive the voracious sharks laying in wait beneath the surface, or will he succumb to the same fate as his father?

You’re sporting wood, aren’t you?

Danny Lerner, who already has two shark films under his belt, Raging Sharks (starring Corin Nemic from “Parker Lewis Can’t Lose”!) and Shark Zone, is directing. But this trailer, folks: It will be the best one minute and 36 seconds of your day. Mark my words. And if your workplace blocks YouTube, and you want to replicate the sensation that accompanies watching this trailer, go to the nearest bathroom, line the commode with thumb tacks, and then dive in head first from atop the stall door while pretending to be Stephen Baldwin.