Biggest Loser 10/11 Recap: Death by Escalator

Last week on The Biggest Loser, the teams went on a cruise to lose and Nelson was sent home in a tie-break shocker. Heather screeched a lot, Kai broke out the ugly cry and I drooled over Bob some more. Then again, those things happen every week, don’t they?

The morning after the elimination, the Red Team is still in a state when Kim arrives to find that Nelson has been voted out. Naturally, she’s shocked and asks her team how it happened. Kai tells us that the whole team was in a bad place after having said goodbye to Nelson. Clearly, we’re going to have to see Kai do the ugly cry every week.

While the Red Team is sniffling over Nelson’s elimination, Bob is having a little party. He wants Nelson to lose hundreds of pounds and have all kinds of success….just not at the ranch. Happy Bob leads the Blue Team to the gym.

The Part Where I Curse and Throw Stuff at the TV
The Red Team is going to work out too and Kim announces that they’ll be running down to the gate and back. Kai whines that she just wants to be left alone and she’s not going to be working out. Kim isn’t taking no for an answer: she says that Kai can run 10 feet behind the rest of her team so she can be alone. Kai tells us that Kim must not be a people person…..says the person who wants to be alone. Kai then basically dares Kim to send her home. Sadly, Kim doesn’t take the bait. The Red Team heads off for the gate and they’re all big whiners. Heather complains that they only got 5 hours of sleep. ONLY?

It seems like they’ve run about 20 feet and the whole team is falling apart, including Kim. Ken sits down on the curb and bawls. He can’t go any further. Kim yanks him up off his butt. Little Kim is pissed, but they just don’t care. Heather says that she isn’t a quitter. All evidence to the contrary, of course. Kim finally realizes that she’s lost control of the situation. She tells them that they can’t cry and then proceeds to let loose with some tears of her own. She goes for a little walk and bawls some more.

Biggest Loser at Home Update
This week, we’re catching up with Chris from West Virginia. When he weighed in at the ranch, he was at 326 pounds. Now, Chris weighs 275 pounds – a loss of 56 pounds. Chris started out a little slow, but by week 5, he was kicking butt at an aerobics class with all women. He’s clearly in touch with his feminine side…either that or he’s trying to pick up chicks.

I’ll Take “Carrot Sticks for 15”
It’s time for this week’s temptation challenge. The winner this time will win a free pass that can be used at any elimination. Here are the rules: there are plates of food on each table. Each person must clean a plate and then stack it on another table. The person whose plate is on the top of the stack when a buzzer sounds will win. The buzzer can go off at any moment. As the challenge starts, everyone is taking their time downing carrot sticks. The Red Team girls are all playing as a team, making sure that one of their plates is always on top. Wylie is ticked off at them because he claims to really need the immunity. There’s lots of fuming amongst the Red Team and that’s just fine with Brian. As time passes, the Blue Team makes sure that the Red Team eats more and more. With the carrot sticks gone, they move on to crackers. Before they hit the bacon grease sandwiches, the buzzer sounds and Kai is the winner. The Red Girls celebrate. Later they’ll practice their spells around a cauldron on the roof. Wylie is devastated, not only because he lost the challenge, but because he ate over 400 calories. Marty sees the free pass as a bad thing and he’s glad no one on the Blue Team won it: he thinks that, if anyone on the team is safe, it might affect team morale. Of course, he could also be saying this because he lost.

After the temptation challenge, Kim meets with the Red Team. She agrees that this is an overwhelming process. Her breakdown the day before was meant to show that she feels overwhelmed too. She found their lack of effort frustrating. Then Kim opens up her big bag of, er, baggage. The short version: She’s an army brat with a normal metabolism (i.e. she has to work on staying thin). Apparently, this was enough for the Red Team to feel like Kim is now their friend as well as their tormentor.

Plug Away!
If you had any doubt that this is a business, here’s proof: it’s time for another subtly placed product plug. This week, it’s some Jell-O dessert that I’m sure involved Fat Free Cool Whip® and that Kim seems to believe is interchangeable with chocolate chip cookies. Pam buys the whole thing hook, line and sinker. Since she normally eats a gallon of ice cream in one sitting, this recipe is great.

The Seventh Level of Hell
I’ve always wondered if the people who come up with the challenges on this show aren’t just a touch sadistic. Witness this week’s challenge: each time will climb an escalator going the opposite direction – imagine walking up the “down” escalator. The last team on the escalator wins and will be able to pick which member of the Blue Team sits out this week’s weigh-in. Whoever is left on the escalator will split $10,000. Marty admits that, as a teacher, he could really use that money.

Caroline greets the teams wearing her latest horror. She directs the teams onto side-by-side escalators and the challenge begins. Boy, this is even better than watching them put sand in a pile. After not too long, various team members start dropping out and riding the escalator to the bottom. Erik, Ken, Melinda and Wylie all fade pretty quickly. In spite of Pam’s attempts to encourage her, Kai drops out as well, followed by Bobby. Heather starts to whine as Pam and I yell at her. Of course, Pam is trying to encourage her: I just want her to shut up. Heather’s done, as is Amy. The final two competitors are Marty and Pam who pass the ten minute mark and look ready to collapse. Marty falls back a bit, which he claims was an attempt to psych out Pam. Uh-huh. His plan = not so great. Marty gives out and Pam wins it. The Red Team wins another challenge. Blast and drat.

Running Bob arrives at the ranch to meet with the Blue Team and learn the results of the challenge. His team is now 0 for 4 with challenges. Bob’s response? To paraphrase: Bummer that you lost. Let’s go work out.

The last chance workout is pretty much business as usual – sweating and groaning set to inspirational music. Kai admits that the Blue Team has worked out harder this week because the Red Team has had some drama. You think?

The Results
It’s weigh-in time and Caroline appears sporting a black Member’s Only jacket. It’s a world gone mad. The Red Team chooses Marty to sit out the weigh-in on the Blue Team.

With that, the Red Team wins again. Pam gives all the credit to Kim. Because he lost the most weight on the Blue Team, Brian has immunity this week.

Hello, I Must be Going
The next morning, Kim arrives for the big news. First, she tells her team how proud she is of them: she’s very proud. She congratulates them on winning the weigh-in and calls them the dysfunctionally functional team.

Here comes Bob for the bad news. No suspense there: they all look like their puppy died. Marty admits that because Bob now feels like a friend, they don’t want to disappoint him. Bobby points out that they all lost weight this week. It just stinks that one of them has to go home. Bob urges the team to communicate with each other and to stay in the driver’s seat – i.e. don’t have a tie vote and let the Red Team decide your fate.

The Blue Team heads into the elimination room to view Caroline’s latest fashion atrocity. Is that a mumu? A dressing gown? A costume from La Cage Aux Folles? It’s a gray robe with lace on it. She should be wearing a bonnet and have a cat in her lap.

Here’s how the votes fell out this week:
Brian says he’s voting for someone who has inspired him to be a better person. His vote has nothing to do with effort: this person just came into the competition smaller. He has no doubt that they will be successful: Melinda gets one vote.
Amy is voting for a person she’s looked up to from day one. Her choice also has to do with numbers. She loves this person from the bottom of her heart: Vote two for Melinda.
Marty tells everyone that he came here to lose weight, but he feels like he found a family. He loves this person and will remember them as a quiet warrior. On their first day on ranch this person wouldn’t quit, but now she will: Melinda gets another vote.
Melinda’s vote goes to a person who has been an inspiration to her and to the whole team. This person has taken on a leadership role on the team and she is voting for them because she knows this person is strong enough to go back to the real world and excel. Her vote is for Bobby.
With that, Melinda is eliminated, since no one else can get three votes. Bobby tells her that she is an amazing person. He feels like they really bonded. Melinda, ever the class act (no, really) leaves on a positive note as her fridge light is extinguished. She’s leaving proud of herself and feeling great about her future. She’s so grateful for this experience

So how has Melinda done since she left the ranch? Pretty darn good: she’s lost an additional 26 pounds, bringing her total weight loss to 53 pounds. She’s living a happy and healthy life. Huzzah!

Next week: The gym is closed and the teams endure the most brutal challenge yet. Plus, they get messages from home to help inspire them.

Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.' - Isaac Asimov

I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, "... I drank what?"