I had a birthday

Saturday, 25 April 2015

I had a birthday this week. I ate cake. At lunchtime AND and dinner time. I’m now slowly crawling back from the sugar coma it’s put me into.

It never ceases to fascinate me just how much my blood sugar drops after I have a decent dose of sugar. On my birthday afternoon my keyboard all of a sudden started looking exactly like a pillow and I came THIS close to taking a nap right then and there in my office. THIS close.

The next day I craved sugar big time. These completely overwhelming must-have-a-nap-right-now and must-have-something-sweet-right-now feelings don’t happen to me anymore since I more or less gave up sugar a few years ago. When I have a small dose now and then it doesn’t affect me, but birthday cake with all the bells and whistles – boom! – I’m back in the old days of being addicted and sleepy and grumpy due to my blood sugar levels being all over the place.

I think next year I’ll make a cake myself. Something indulgent but not quite such a sugar bomb. I’m just getting too old for this roller coaster ride that ‘normal’ cake whacks me on.

And how do I feel about the last year of my 30s now ticking by? I don’t like it, I’m not going to lie.

But raging against ageing is so futile. Once in a while I do want to throw a tantrum a la my kids and scream “It’s not fair!” but then the other part of my brain tells me, like I tell my kids, “Yup. It’s not. Get over it.”

So it is what it is. I am 39, I don’t want to smile at photos because the wrinkle party that goes on under my eyes scares me AND I cannot eat cake without it making me want to sleep anywhere, anyhow AND is blows up my stomach like I’m about to give birth.

It’s not fair but it is what it is.

Sometimes I totally want to rage though because sometimes I want to eat.all.the.cake (because everyone else eats cake and is ok, no?) but then I remember – it’s much, MUCH more enjoyable living in my body if I don’t put cake into it on a regular basis.

Thinking about just how much sugar messes me up, I’m thinking again about the fact that a large majority of serotonin in our bodies is not made in our brains but in our gut. Did you know that? That if your gut is not happy then the body doesn’t get as much serotonin as it needs. Fascinating, no? (I talked about this topic in a previous post called My happiness comes from my middle.)

So onwards and upwards, there is no other option. I’ve got running races to PB and Crossfit WODs to smash (and I’m so going to be qualifying for the Crossfit Games when I’m in the masters category next year AND today I worked on my handstands for a good half an hour and unlocked a few keys to it in my brain AND I got some juggling balls for my birthday so I’m going to learn to juggle because – #SKILLZ :) and because we’re only old when we stop playing and having fun!)