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How to Help

I remember running into a couple who had recently lost a member of their family. I immediately began to panic. I had no idea what to say. I remember making the situation so awkward. Then I started crying... Oh man, I walked off so embarrassed. But the next time I found myself in the same situation and still had no idea what to do or say.

Pat and I have had so many people tell us they feel the same way. Many ask,"Is it better to say something, or to avoid it?"

I see how bad many of you want to help, but just don't know what to do. It's okay. I realize that I wouldn't have known either before experiencing what we have. The biggest thing you can do is just let us know you care.

I'd like to think it's because I'm growing up and learning to forget my selfish ways, that I've became more aware of other peoples trials. There's no doubt I'm going to look at life very differently now, but I'm finding myself in the same situation- not quite sure how to help the people around me.

We all have trials which are rarely the same. Now that I have experienced death, I have a better understanding of what a family might need in the future. But I don't exactly know how to help a family struggling with cancer or financial problems. There are so many things I want to learn, I want to be there for others how you were there for us. So I thought I would pass this information on. If you know someone who is struggling with losing a loved one now or in the future this post might be able to give you a little extra help. :)

My cousin led me to this blog which was written by a mom who also lost her child. She wrote a post called, How to Treat a Friend Who Has Suffered a Loss. For the most part, I agreed with almost everything that was written. Click here to read it.

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Hi. My name is Leah. You don't know me but my friend had your story on her blog and I just wanted to tell you that you have changed me. That might sound silly, but I say with no doubt in my mind that you have impacted my life so much. I love reading your blog. My husband always knows when i've read it because I come out sobbing. No matter what you write, your spirit is so strong and touches me. I think about your story and your spirit and I crave your strength. Thank you for being such a great example to me. I think and pray for your family constantly. Just know that you are loved by a family in Utah whom you have never met. ;) I am thankful for the impact you have made in my life.

I have been in awe at how you have handled this whole ordeal. You have such a beautiful spirit about you, and I am grateful for your strength and testimony of eternal families. What a darling mom you are, and I am so happy you have all the photos of your family and Preslee to cherish. It makes my job feel so much more worth it to know they do and can mean so much. Thank you for letting me watch and be strengthened by your story! xox

The post you listed is a great post - I've read it previously and I think she makes some great points for all of us. As always, I appreciate your honesty and openness. Many people talk about how much you have touched them, including myself, but how I wish that you would not have had to walk this particular road to help so many people. Some days I struggle with why bad things happen to good people despite my strong Christian beliefs; so your testimony really does shine brightly I know you have hard days, minutes, hours. . .but I appreciate your faithfulness through those daily trials. Maybe some day I, a stranger, can be as much of an ecouragement to you as you've been to me. I continue to pray for you daily. I'm just another stranger who follows your blog, yet I feel like i know you. Thank you!

Thank you. You cannot understand how much I needed to read this post and clicking on that blog link helped me so much.

My Uncle is in the last days of his life. He is in the hospital and we don't know how much time he has left. I've felt like I wanted to do something but didn't know what. My Mom said to me today, that even though he is just sleeping now, perhaps I should go and just be with my Aunt. Reading this and your link was the nudge I needed to realize that I shouldn't be scared of how I will feel seeing him like that - but that I will be there for my Aunt and the memories of him I have will still be there. I was just afraid of going and remembering him like this instead of the strong leader in our family.

Your blog has touched me in so many ways. Tonight I needed this guidance more than you will ever know.

There are so many things I wish I could do to help you, but there are so many ways that you're helping me. Thank you for bearing your testimony. My family has been praying for you guys. I have another friend whose sweet little girl went back to Heavenly Father at a very young age. She has started a foundation to help others deal with their grief. The website is called agoodgrief.com - you might have heard of it. I know it has brought lots of comfort to others. Hugs from way over here...

I'm happy to hear that you have found Stephanie's blog, I first heard of your story there and can't help but think how similar your challenges must be. My heart goes out to you both and I hope that I can handle the hardships of my life with as much dignity and grace as the two of you have done. You are both truly inspiring women.

Hi, I'm Alex. I found your story through Nie's blog the other day and didn't know quite what to say. Laying in bed this early morning, a song came into my head, and then a tugging, a prompting to send it to you. The song is called Little Wing and is sung by Celine Dion.

Ashley,My sister directed me to your blog because she felt we had very similar things to say.On July 8th I gave birth to my son, Jonah. He was born with brain cancer and passed away two days later; just a week before your little Preslee. I so much enjoyed reading her story. It brings such comfort to know of others who have lost their first born without having other children in the home. It hurts me that most people don't know I am a mother. I'm sure you can relate.I too have kept a blog through my experience. ransomandbrooke.blogspot.com. His story begins on July 1st.

oh just reading your story and bawling my brains out. i'm not even quite sure what to say except that i'm sorry. and i would love to help. visit my site and see if there is anything you might need/want. just want to help in anyway possible :)xoxojennaqadesigns.blogspot.com

Your story has changed my life in a very real way. I was sure you had so very many people contacting you that you would not want to hear from me, but after reading Stephanie's blog post, I thought you might like to know.

I purchased a little hair clip through Jessica Larson's fund raiser for you. It is cute and pink. We call it Preslee's clip at our house. I have 5 kids, but two who are giving me a run for my money right now - a toddler who is 3 weeks younger than Preslee, and a 12 year old daughter that is physically, emotionally, and socially handicapped. Although I love them both, they both are going through a time where there are a lot of temper tantrums and difficult days. I used to lose my temper a lot with them. Now, when I am tempted to get upset, we go into the bathroom, and I spend a few minutes lovingly doing their hair up in a ponytail, and I put the clip in their hair. It usually calms them down to have the special time with me, but if they continue to act out, I look at the clip, and I think that somewhere there is a mother who would do anything to hold and love her child in the midst of a temper tantrum, and I remind myself how blessed I am to have these children. My attitude has improved 100%. I am more patient, loving, and gentle with these two kids.

Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for being so strong. Thank you for reminding me how blessed I am. I am blessed in a different way than you are. You have Preslee waiting for you. I have a daughter that I have no doubt will go straight back to her Heavenly Father, who was not called on to endure the challenges of this life in the same way "normal" kids are. Both inspire us to be our best selves so we can join them after this life. Thank you for helping remind me that I need to be that best self if I want the opportunity to be her mom in the next life.

I am glad you mentioned this. After leaving you last Sunday, I wanted to walk right back in and apologize for talking so much about inconsequential things and nothing that mattered. It has weighed so heavily on me since then. I got so nervous and didn't know what to say, and when I get nervous I talk. I hope I didn't offend or hurt you during that visit. I do care and am so sorry that Preslee had to leave so soon. Please forgive my nervousness and lack of understanding.Cynthia Browneller

I have shed lots of tears for your sweet little family that I've never met. It is inspiring to see you meet your trials honestly and full of faith. You are blessing the lives of more people than you will probably ever know. Your example is remarkable. Love, Corley Newburn

Thanks for this post. This is something that I have always wondered about and struggled with. Your beautiful smile and overwhelming faith have inspired me and wanted me to be a little bit better each day. May each day bring a little more peace into your lives.

I just read your story and I am absoutely amazed at your strangth and peace. We lost our first daughter at 3 months from SIDS. She died on July 15th, 1976. I was only 18 and still know I could not have made it without the Lord in my life. There is NOTHING like the assurance that we will see her again. I often wonder how people that don't know the Lord survive. My prayers are with you and your husband and extended family. A loss like this is hard on everyone. I love the music on your blog, so peaceful and calming. God bless you and keep you.

I found your site through NieNie, another woman that I hold in such high regard for her strength and her faith. I just want you to know you are in my thoughts and my prayers. God bless you and your family...

Dear Sullenger family,We just moved back to Idaho Falls from the Caribbean last week. Last night I was skyping with a friend we knew there who now lives in Canada again. She gave me your blog address and when I began reading it, I was shocked to learn you were just up the highway from me. My friend asked me if you were members of my church. Right away I could tell that you were. This friend and I have had many Gospel discussions and she was full of questions about how you are getting through this. I got to tell her our beliefs about families about how Preslee will always be part of your family. Thank you for giving me that missionary opportunity. I have no doubt that you will be abundantly blessed for how you have handled all of this so gracefully. You are inspiring to say the least! Our family's thoughts and prayers are with you!Love, Becky

It is hard to know what to do for someone that is grieving. I remember my friend lost her mom a little while ago and since we weren't super close, I felt like I shouldn't call her. She was a little bugged i think that not very many people reached out to her. I have regretted and regretted many other times of passing up the moment. So I've made a pact to do better, starting with a lady in our ward whose husband just killed themselves. I am going to send her a letter, because I know when I am suffering, knowing people care is what I want! Thanks for reminding me to do better always and not be so selfish!

I wanted to let you know how your words have helped me. I am so saddened and moved by the loss of your little girl and amazed at the strength you have shown throughout the whole course of this tragedy. She will surely live on in many people's hearts, and it will be a great day when your family is reunited again.You are all in my prayers.

Hey Ash, I haven't left many comments, not knowing what to say. Just want you to know that I love you. I've loved reading your posts and am one of your most faithful readers! Hopefully when we are home for the Holiday's, most likely Christmas we can meet in the middle between my dad's garden and your trees. xoxo. Deborah

My name is Jackie. You don't know me, but I hope that you and your family have felt my prayers. I stumbled across your blog a few weeks ago and I am truly inspired by your strength and faith. There is no doubt that your readers -- ALL of us -- 'have been changed for the better', because of your story.

Last night I was sitting in the temple. A lady in front of me was struggling. She couldn't seem to be able to stop crying. I wanted to help her in the worst way. I found a tissue in my pocket. I looked at it. It had a little masquera on it and I felt embarrassed to pass her a used tissue. I put it back in my pocket. Finally I could stand it no longer and passed her my inferior tissue. But I thought of you. I thought to myself that that could be you. I thought also that that could be me. It could be anyone of us. I felt bad that I didn't have a perfect tissue to pass her. But I finally decided that it was better to let her know that I noticed she was struggling. I wanted her to know that even though I did not know what she was struggling with I love her. I prayed for her as I sat there. I pleaded with Heavenly Father to comfort her. It is hard to know what to do. But we can pray. We can offer less than perfect service. I know from my 3 1/2 years battling cancer that even someone squeezing my arm and smiling at me is a comfort.

I am friends with Haley Jensen and her family so I had heard about your little Presley. I was amazed to find your blog through Nie Nie. I just want you to know I'm praying for you.

Hi, we're the Sullengers! Life turned upside down for us in 2010 when we lost our daughter in an accidental drowning. Since then, we've documented our highs (life with all five of our kids) and our lows (struggles with grief) but amongst everthing we've experienced, we know as long as we hold on to one another we can get through anything that comes our way. Read More. . .