Pages

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Milestones

I wanted to make a post something that is a very big part of my life. I would love to say that it is out of life, but unfortunately it isn't completely. Some may know of it as ED. Eating Disorder. I would often joke about trying to break up or divorce ED! I would like to say now that I am "seeing much less of ED".

Some quick background...It all started when I was about 16. Lost a few pounds after joining the cross country team, guess I liked it, took it to the extreme. I have been all over the ED spectrum. I wont go into too many details but at times my weight was scary low. My diet would consist of basically fruits and vegetables, NO fat, little carb, and nothing that tasted at all yummy! Add into that a workout obsession and you have a recipe for disaster. Any who... At the end of January I decided to get help....REAL help! As hard as I tried, I just couldn't do it on my own. I did a lot of research and decided to go to Florida to a treatment center called Milestones.

http://www.milestonesprogram.org/

It was super scary of course. I basically had to put my whole life on hold. I quit my job, had to miss some special events, and put Jim in charge of paying the bills! But I am so glad I did it. I would recommend this place to anyone who is struggling with any kind of ED. I had the idea in my head that I had to be crazy skinny and on my death bed to go to treatment. NOT true. There were people of all shapes, sizes, gender, age, race. Without getting to know them, you would have noooo idea they were struggling.

I ended up staying for about 45 days. The time went really fast and really slow at the same time. I learned how to relax more and take time for myself. Journaling was a big thing there.

I might have to remind you that I was in Florida in January!!! Meaning there was lots of snow back home! I did love the weather.

I really did learn a new lifestyle. I was putting so much effort into NOT eating. After leaving Milestones I learned that you have to put a lot of effort into eating. I was taught a lot of food prep, always making sure you have snacks with you when you might be out for a while, and planning ahead. "I didn't have time to eat" or "I wasn't hungry" were not acceptable excuses. I was given a specific food plan and taught that it was like a prescription. It is what my body needs. You may not always feel like taking your medicine but you know you have to. Sometimes it makes you feel kinda nauseous or tired, or doesn't always taste great, but you need it.

We did get to do some fun things too. Like beach walks. No running was allowed... But it was beautiful!

We stayed in an apartment complex. It was like "real life". We went grocery shopping, prepared our own food, did our laundry, had roommates...the whole deal. It was not hospital like at all! The place had a nice pool and club house where we could hang out on weekends.

We would go to a center daily where we had sessions, meals, art, journaling, all kinds of recovery things!! The center was also very nice!!

This is where we got to relax during breaks. So peaceful!

So long story short...Am I cured??? No...Am I getting better? YES. I work hard every day to get closer and closer to that healthy lifestyle. Everything in moderation. That includes food and working out. I am trying to find that balance. I want to eat healthy but also want to be able to indulge at times and enjoy some of the yummy foods that are out there! Regardless of how much fat they may have in them!! I will probably be referencing ED at times in future blogs. I have been following others who have dealt with the same and it is hopeful to hear their successes!

2 comments:

It just shows how strong and honest you are. I know you've worked SO hard to get where you are. It probably wasn't easy to leave Jim and your life behind for a little while (well, I bet leaving the cold was easy haha), but I love that you realized how much it was worth it. You seem so at peace and happy about your decisions and you don't hide your past. I think that's amazing.