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Tag: Anxiety

Ever since I was little I had this thing where I held attachments and had great difficulty letting go. Whether that’s letting go of past memories or physical objects it’s always been a problem. I think Autism does play a part in this but ultimately I became accustomed with this personality trait. All of this was an issue because I attached myself onto these things and I felt these memories or physical objects defined who I was when I was still finding my feet growing up.

Yesterday I decided to sort out my entire room before Christmas and I actually managed to throw out a lot of things that I haven’t used or seen for 10 years. I even gave some books and clothes to the charity shops as they were wasted in my wardrobe. I felt emotional as getting rid of things was not easy but I managed to tame my emotional attachment side and was resolute in my goal and decision.

It’s also worth pointing out as it feels appropriate that I’m only ever sad whenever I recall my younger years and childhood. In turn I’m at my happiest when I’m in the present focusing on my artwork and stories. Why trap myself in the past where I’m living in the realm of what really matters; the present. With that in mind I decided to get rid of all the sources that link me back to my past. I partly did that throughout the years but I decided to get rid of everything whilst I was feeling motivated.

Yes it was emotional doing it but right here and now I feel cathartic and for the first time I drew my pictures and watched Match of the Day without so much as a fleeting thought.

Knowing not to reminisce is one thing but to put that into practice takes time and I feel I probably needed time to let go. I haven’t been able to do that until now. So, from this moment on I will not reflect on my past in my future blogs as that will defeat the object of my achievement. I will do what I’ve already been doing and that is discussing my current news, my art, anime and generally things that are relevant to me.

Christmas is coming and it couldn’t have come at a better time.

Thank you for reading. =)

Ryan.

ps, I also watched the anime film “Fireworks”. I enjoyed it very much. It was another great experience to watch an anime film at the cinema. =)

Yesterday I attended the Doki Doki Festival in Manchester which is a convention based on Japanese culture.

Lately I’ve been growing as an artist and for the last few months I’ve been strongly considering having my own stall at local conventions. The thought of this makes me excited and nervous as it’s a new and unknown territory for me. I don’t know the process of this or anything about it. After much deliberation I decided to go along to a local festival to see what it was all about.

It was with great fortune that around that time I discovered Doki Doki and arranged a trip with my brother to this festival. This was a very big thing for me as I rarely organise an outing.

Going into an unfamiliar place like Doki Doki came with apprehension and anxiety. The only convention I’ve been to up to this point was Kitacon but I knew nothing about Doki Doki. All I knew is that it offers Japanese culture like live music, train society and origami and of course art stalls but that was it. How did they represent their crafts? What were the stalls like? What was the building going to be like? I already made up my mind I was going, I was going to go, enjoy myself and hopefully learn a few things.

*

It really was a great experience.

I didn’t know what I was expecting but it wasn’t what I expected it to be. It really was just like a convention where everyone was having fun with their friends, browsing and exploring stalls, drawing art and listen live music, not to mention Japanese cuisine which was delicious! Yum. It was similar to Kitacon but obviously the theme was Japanese culture and not just about anime.

Initially I was overwhelmed with the hustle and bustle of the crowd and the loud music, both which are my weaknesses. Once I got used to the atmosphere, which was amazing, I felt more comfortable and started to mingle in the crowd and explore the stalls on my own. It was a huge bonus that I didn’t get lost, brownie points for me! Haha.

I was more relaxed and comfortable talking to people, a feat which actually surprised me and it’s only through reflection that I didn’t realise how relaxed I was. At past conventions I perhaps spoke and acted like a robot but I spoke naturally and the conversations weren’t forced. Perhaps it’s just me getting used to speaking to people on a regular basis? I don’t know the reason but it’s very good for my confidence.

I did eventually reach my limit and ended up becoming light-headed, which increased later, but I was determined to make the most of it so I ignored my own alarming radar and continued to bask in the Festival. =)

*

I managed to talk to all the artists. They gave me a lot of advice about being an artist, how to start up and how convention works. Since yesterday I’ve been feeling very inspired and highly motivated about my own art work going forward. For years I have been searching for my own ‘purpose’ and at last I think I’ve found that in the form of an anime artist.

Everything happens for a reason and I truly believe that I could cope having my own stall at a convention. It wasn’t easy but I did well yesterday and I don’t see any reason why I can’t handle having my own stall. I’m still growing as an artist and as a person but I feel that I can see my goal. I’m going to keep doing my best, keep producing art the best art I can and see what happens. =)

It’s now November. As soon as Halloween finished everyone started to advertise Christmas, which I wholeheartedly approve. =)

General News

I don’t really celebrate Halloween as passionately with Birthdays and Christmasses but I did try to get into the spirit when I played board games at my Brother’s Halloween Party. It’s always good fun but I do find myself confused with the rules. At one point I was so focused reading the rules that I accidentally knocked over my J2O all over my Brother’s cards. Whoops!

It was my Mum’s Birthday last Saturday and for her Birthday I got her Disney Crochet Patterns book and a Beauty and the Beast picture that I painted for her personally. I’m thankful that she likes it because it took me a long time to draw and colour it. It was especially difficult because Disney is not my style so it was tough to adapt, but with great fortune I managed it. =)

I watched Kingsmen: The Golden Circle at the cinema with my Brother and afterwards visited the Hard Rock Café to have drinks. That evening did take a toll on me because it was very busy with lots of people, both inside the café and around it because of the Little Mix concert.

I did embarrass myself at the bar by asking for a marshmallow J2O. Why I did this is still a mystery. Putting that aside indulging in that calming yet active atmosphere was a good experience. I wouldn’t want to go out every week but I would certainly like to come back one time to the Hard Rock Café. =)

Fun News

During my breaks of writing, drawing and looking after my niece I’ve been indulging on my Nights of Azure game, the second instalment, Bride of the New Moon. I’m really enjoying it. It feels a tad weird not seeing Arnice or Lilysse in it but it’s still good nonetheless.

Thanks to the previous games of the Atelier Series and the first Nights of Azure I have a firm grasp how to play the game. I have good idea the location of the plot, how to strengthen weapons, how to enhance specific items and so on. This time I bought the normal edition for the Nintendo Switch so the efforts it’s probably not as rewarding as it might be for the PlayStation 4, trophy wise, but I find it more rewarding that I’m able to progress through the storylines without online tutorials. I’m figuring everything out for myself and I can enjoy the story and gameplay without worrying about achieving the trophies in the process.

Playing it for the Switch is beneficial as I can play it anywhere. I know there’s the Vita but with Nights of Azure I’d rather play it on the Switch with a controller than on a handheld like the Vita.

In hindsight I probably should have bought the limited edition which comes with extra goods, like the DLC, but that’s not really important. What’s important is my enjoyment of the game which I’m enjoying very much.

I’m doing other things besides Nights of Azure. I’m playing Senran Kagura PBS for the PS4 and New Game! for the Vita. I practice Yoga every day and I’m reading manga/light novels before bed. I’m currently reading How a Realist Hero Rebuilt the Kingdom volume 4 and just made it to chapter 5. As soon as I’ve finished reading that I’m going to read In Another World with my Smartphone volume 5. I considered reviewing all volumes from 1 to 5 in one swoop but that would be too much of a hassle so I may settle to just reviewing the newest volume if the mood strikes me. =)

Art News

I’m taking some time from my schedule to study some art books. I have confidence in my ability right now but studying fantastic art and artists will not only help me improve but it will inspire me more and give me clearer ideas for my future illustrations. Luckily I have ideas I’m already working on but I really want to take my time with them.

I feel I get better with every picture I draw. I can visualise the content of my pictures much clearer, and that makes me very happy.

I’m going to attend the Doki Doki Festival over the weekend. This will be quite a big event for me as I arranged the trip to go there with my brother. It’s the complete unknown and I am somewhat apprehensive about it but ultimately I think we will enjoy it. =)

2017 is certainly moving through the seasons rather quickly, at least for me. I see this as a good thing as I’m choosing to enjoy life rather than worry about the flow of time. =)

I have watched three films at the cinema in the past month and that is rather adventurous for me. I watched Spiderman Homecoming twice and the anime film, Your Name.

I’m used to watching Marvel films at the cinema but I’ve never watched an anime film on the big screen before so admittedly I was apprehensive. When I was invited to watch the latter I did panic and didn’t think rationally but in the end I decided to go and watch it. I’m glad I did. Your Name isn’t my kind of genre, I don’t usually like drama-twisting plots or tear-jerking moments but it is a beautiful film with a lovely story. The graphics and sound were especially spectacular. I wouldn’t watch it again but watching this on the big screen was a very memorable experience.

Sometimes you have to ignore the roadblocks to reach the end of the destination and that was what I did and what I will always continue to do. Some days are harder than others, and this was one of those times. ^^/

My personal projects are going very well and I will unveil some of them over the next few weeks. I really enjoyed drawing requests and I found it rewarding knowing that I’m making people happy with my pictures. However I stopped accepting requests because I wanted to focus on drawing illustrations for myself.

WORKS IN PROGRESS

Sketches: I have a lot of messy and clean sketches to share which I have completed over course of the months. I will eventually share them online.

Anime Girls: I’m cracking on with the “Anime Girls” theme and have several near completion. Aletta and Kuro from Restaurant to Another World, Rem and Hestia, and Arma from In Another World with my Smartphone. I’ve also sketched Grayfia from High School DxD but that still needs tweaking and won’t be finished for a good while.

Original Characters: Following Cherub I created a batch of characters. These will take a while to complete because I want to study the profiles of each lady before I publish them online. I am in the midst of inking another Gaia illustration so that will probably be done in the next few weeks depending on my schedule.

Comic: I’m very excited about this experimental project and I can’t wait to unveil it. =)

Akeno: I’m working on a picture that features Akeno Himejima. I’m in the process of deciding on a background. I’m also excited about this picture.

I’m really enjoying all of my projects but none more so than my comic and Akeno. =)

It’s a new start to a new year and I have a mind-set that’s fresh and clear. I’m already feeling positive vibes from 2017 and I’m well underway with my goals for this year.

Socialising and Going Out

A lot has happened throughout my life. I always struggle with crowds but things are becoming easier overtime, especially with my new mind-set. I’ve accepted my weaknesses and limitations now but I persevere when I need to, both for myself and for everyone else. Despite my anxiety going out I do feel that I’m actually a people’s person and I often find myself putting everyone’s feelings ahead of my own.

I will try to go out more but only under the right circumstances. It’s all about dealing with each moment when it’s presented to me rather than analyse possible future events.

My Stories

For years I’ve been writing and making amendments for my children’s story and right now its under-going another editing process. I’ve completed the first book a good number of times but it was never quite ready to be published. As a result I’ve often lost motivation and lacked ideas to change. However, this is definitely the most successful editing process I’ve ever done for this story.

I’ve polished my writing style and grammar-correcting a lot and I have to thank reading different manga and light novels for that. The only materials I can read are manga and light novels but it really does go to show that no matter what genre you read, reading makes you grow as a writer.

Anime Art

I’ve changed my attitude and approach to my anime art and decided to take extra time to complete each art successfully. Last year I did get in the unfortunate habit of putting a time limit on each picture. Now I have the philosophy of illustrating at my own pace which goes hand in hand with my new mind-set for this year. You could say it’s a new beginning with a better approach and from now on I will emphasize quality over quantity.

My Current Works in Progress

-Requests (I’m undertaking around 10 requests and nearly completed 1)

-New Game! (This is a comic style landscape that features Aoba and Hifumi)

-Gaia: Mother Goddess (a more refined version of my own character, Gaia the Elf Goddess)

-Darkness (a single portrait of the masochist knight that could feature a few versions in different clothes)

-Valentine’s Day picture (to be revealed)

-Ai-Chan (going to attempt to shade Ai-Chan in the blue chrome shading style and see how I get on)

-Keijo x One Punch Man Comic (a crossover comic that is set in the One Punch Man universe but stars Nozomi and Non from Keijo)

I’m enjoying all these drawings right now and I can’t wait to see how they turn out in the end. 2017 will be a great year. =)

For the past few days I have been ploughing my head deciding what my personal highlights for this year were. In truth I haven’t really been trying that hard because I’ve been too busy enjoying my Christmas with my family whilst indulging in anime and my drawings.

Right now I’ll just select a few that come to mind. If I think of anything else, I’ll add them. =)

One: Family and Friends

They’re simply put, wonderful.

Two: YouTube Vlogging

I took a brave step and created my own YouTube channel discussing my weekly Fantasy Football team. This was very nerve-racking because I was opening myself up for criticism but I felt it was the right thing to do. Occasionally I did discuss the England team and general news but in truth I don’t really have any strong views and recently made the decision to solely focus on Fantasy Football. =)

Three: Kitacon Karnival

This year’s Kitacon was a better experience than last year’s Kitacon. Approaching new people was easier but it was just as nerve-racking as I still making small talk with cosplayers and taking their photos. I was unwell at times but luckily I didn’t feel as disorientated as I did last year.

Remarkably one of my pictures did feature in the Kitacon Karnival Booklet. It was surprising and exciting when I first found out and it’s just as exciting now, 8 months on before the New Year.

Four: Shopping Trip

It’s been quite some time since I’ve done a shopping binge for clothes but one day decided to give it a go shortly after my birthday. (Now that I think about it, it might have been in August… well, it’s still after my Birthday!) I struggle with crowds but I plunged through the troubles for the sake of buying new clothes. I most certainly made the most of the 8 hours outing but was glad to be home when the outing finished. =)

Five: Wii U at the Cinema

This is definitely one of the most unique activities I’ve ever experienced. I played the Wii U at a Cinema screening to celebrate my Brother’s birthday. It was a lot of fun and luckily there weren’t many people about because we did this in the morning! Hurray!

Six: Picture Requests

I’ve been uploading my anime art online for more than a year now and over the last few months I’ve been receiving a lot of requests to draw particular characters. This is a very nice situation to be in as it means that a lot of people are enjoying my art and it gives my drawing more purpose.

Seven: Epiphany and the Bubble of Troubles

This is definitely the most important aspect of 2016 for me. I’ve always been positive and looked on the bright side but I’ve been carrying this Bubble of Troubles that resulted in me thinking about the past and feeling sad. It was only in November that I realised why that was.

I convinced myself I was going to write an auto-bio of my life when I left school (I planned this when I was still a student). That turned to be a mistake as I kept on recalling sad memories and in turn I couldn’t let that Bubble of Trouble go… until now. I decided that I don’t want to think about my past, let alone talk about them, so, why should I? It resulted in over-thinking and letting my imaginations go wild to the point where I misconstrue reality with a mashed up fantasy.

With that I got that pin and popped that Bubble of Trouble that didn’t need to glide over my head. Since then I feel refreshed and I feel like I can be myself 100% without any burden stopping me. =D I still do have my limitations but I deal with them when I need to along with the situations which will arise every time, every day and every second. =)

Roll On 2017

I have many plans for 2017 (somewhat because they didn’t come to fruition this year. Whoops!) I want to release my book on kindle, I want to work more on my fantasy story, I want to try and socialise when the circumstances are right and draw more anime girls.

Something tells me that 2017 will be a very good year for me. I won’t speculate what that might be I’m just looking forward to it. =)

Hello everyone, I hope you’re all enjoying this festive season. I know I am.

Recently I’ve been putting a lot of my work in progress aside to focus on my very own “Christmas Project.” I’m going to upload 12 pictures per day and use them as a “countdown” to Christmas starting on 13th December. I’ve been planning this for some time and I’m excited that my idea is finally coming to fruition. =D

I planned it so that I would work on two landscape pictures alongside the Christmas Project but I unexpectedly received a lot of requests between November and now. I’m very flattered and happy as I never foresaw that people would enjoy my work let alone ask me for requests. I’m working hard to get the pictures right and currently they’re all in rough stages and ready to be inked and coloured. I’m much busier than anticipated in December but it’s a nice headache to have. =)

Unfortunately I am behind schedule with this project so I’ve been making up for lost time the best I can and as a result I had to put my requests on hold. Christmas, family and baby-sitting duties comes first, especially at this time of year.

This is quite possibly the busiest holiday I’ve ever had and I have often received a lot of blank headaches and being unwell. It’s nothing to be concerned about because I recognise my own limitations and only going beyond the limits when I need to but I also stop and rest when I need to.

The official countdown will start tomorrow. I hope you enjoy viewing these pictures as much as I enjoyed drawing them. =)

This morning was a very unique experience. To celebrate my Brother’s 30th birthday he has hired a Cinema venue for a couple of hours to play Wii U games on one of the gigantic screens. =D Apparently this was the first ever time that someone has hired a Cinema screening to play Wii U games on.

The anticipation did get to me and that resulted in me losing some sleep last night wondering what was going to happen and over-analysing. Because I was nervous I started to think irrationally but eventually I managed to tell myself “pull yourself together.” Nothing has happened yet so it’s pointless to imagine scenes and picture the worst case scenario. Just go in there with a positive mind, and that’s what happened.

I went there with a small group of friends and family and we started to play the Wii U. I noticed the huge difference playing games on a small TV than playing games on a huge screen. Cinema screenings are usually filled with people but on this occasion there were only the 7 of us so I’m willing to go as far as say that this was the best filming experience ever… except, we were playing games rather than watching a film. Haha.

I tried to be a little more chatty this time around but sometimes I stayed quiet, unsure what to say so I just played the games. We played Nintendo Land and Mario Kart. I was very rusty. I wasn’t so good to begin with but I was even worse today. Not that I mind though, it was good fun and a brilliant experience.

I keep mentioning about my epiphany from months ago but it’s proving to be diffidence in my current positive way of thinking. Plus, I didn’t get trapped in the toilet this time so that’s a big bonus!

We played for two hours and it was a very good change of pace, but even so I did somewhat reached my limit because I started to get some blankess in my head. The blankness in my head usually indicates where I’ve been out for too long but it had nothing to do with the event itself. My enjoyment for the event was slightly greater so I tried to ignore the headache and just try to make the most of it.

After having fun whilst being somewhat out of my comfort zone I can relax with a nice hot chocolate. =)

Speaking of comfort zones, something completely off topic, I babysat my young niece the other day which was a bit spur of the moment. Usually I do struggle with “last minute” situations as I like routine but luckily this time around I managed to gather my thoughts and babysat her with Mum until my Brother came home.^^/

Positive thinking really does help a bundle and it’s a bonus when you go out for the sake of having fun. =)

I think its human nature to get down in the dumps sometimes, and it’s happened to the best of us. It happens to me from time to time, especially when I’m tired or whenever I’m anticipating the thought of socialising with people.

Sometimes when I think about going out, it can trigger negative emotions in me. However, just because you feel sad or think sad doesn’t mean you should succumb to it. I can stop it, not by fighting those feelings, but rather, override them with the positives. And when I do, I end up feeling much better.

At the beginning of the year I had a throat and a chest infection. It was really bad and I had it for weeks. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t read or go on the laptop as it made me feel dizzy, I felt constantly sick and I couldn’t talk without coughing. All I could do was lie down. It wasn’t a very pleasant experience and it was the worst I had felt in years.

I didn’t like feeling sorry for myself so I ended up willing myself to draw. ‘One little sketch couldn’t hurt’ I thought… I ended up doing back to back drawings and actually completed a full length comic based on the DanMachi series. It was the first ever doujin (fanmade comic) I’ve ever completed. I was really happy and fulfilled with my comic and additional art and gradually, I felt myself getting better because I was ignoring my illness and indulging in my own happiness.

Since my recovery I achieved a number of other personal goals too.

I suddenly had the urge to re-write my first children’s picture book and I completed it in a single day. I’m really happy with it and I feel that it’s much better than ever before. It’s now currently in the editing stage where I’m getting the opinion of family and friends alike before publishing it on Kindle. =)

The other big achievement for me is that one of my pictures was featured in the Kitacon Karnival booklet this year. My brother encouraged me to email the picture over to them and I thought “why not?” so I submitted a picture of Kirin Toudou from The Asterisk War anime and to my surprise and delight it was in that book! =D This year’s Kitacon convention was good and I enjoyed it more than last year as I managed to be brave and speak to more people.

There has been lot of good things that has happened to. I cooked eggs benedict based on Erina’s recipe from the Food Wars anime, getting my first ever platinum trophy which I achieved on the Atelier Shallie game, creating a YouTube Vlog channel about Football and most recently I received a like on a Twitter post from the one and only Alan Shearer… that truly was a heart-stopping moment. =D

*

What I’m trying to say really is that you can take the positives from the negatives, even when you are really ill. I took one positive from the time when I wasn’t in the mood to think positive and it has led to a lot of wonderful things, especially new and fresh ideas for my book which is especially important.

I will always get anxious whenever I’m about to go out as it’s an instant emotion that takes over me, but I will always claim my mind back as I should be able to think what I want, and feel how I want.

Anyway, this is the strategy that works for me and I thought I’d just share it. Now, I’m going to go and draw and make a start on my Birthday list. =)

The morning was not the perfect start to the day, for many reasons. I woke up late for breakfast as my alarm didn’t go off. I also accidentally yanked off my golden wristband. I was trying to adjust it as it was giving my wrist a bit of a rash. When it came off I was like “is it really that important?” and threw it in the bin. It turns out, as I found out later, it was VERY important. I wasn’t allowed in the dealer’s room so I had to go back upstairs and retrieve it from the bin…

Then, when I went to the game’s room the crew spotted that my wristband was *cough* damaged. Zen guided me to Ops where the crew gave me a replacement. After all this I decided to go back to my room to unwind where I learned there and then that I accidentally locked myself out of the room. I left my keys inside. It just so happens that my brother had a second key.

I did feel embarrassed at my own clumsiness so I decided to spend a while in my room to chill out for a bit.

DAY TWO at the KITACON and STREET FIGHTER TOURNAMENT

I spent the rest of the day mostly talking to cosplayers and taking photos. I found them all pleasant to talk to but my confidence was a little bit shaky.

Socialising is still a big learning curve for me but I feel like I’m able to read situations better than ever and gauge people’s reactions slightly better than I did the year before. I think on this day in particular I probably did put myself under unnecessary pressure to socialise and I think my approach to some conversations did come across as unnatural and nervy. Luckily all the cosplayers are very nice and understanding of each other, even though we don’t necessarily know each other all that well. That’s the kind of vibe that I get from everyone. It’s that kind of atmosphere.

At one point during the day I did feel like I’d had enough and felt I would rather be at home. But, I still tried to make the most of it whilst I was there and told myself that I was going to be more active in the evening and see what happens.

Later on I took part in the Street Fighter V Tournament despite the fact that I’ve never played the game before. I was never in it to win I just wanted to play the game as I thought it would be a lot of fun.

THE MASQUERADE and the PARTY

The Masquerade was a daunting experience and it was the first ever masquerade I had ever been to. I was extremely thankful that I got a VIP badge as I was allowed front row access right on the side so I could disappear anytime if it got too overwhelming. I found that reassuring. The atmosphere was not as loud and energetic as I thought it was going to be, instead it was just cheers and clapping and I don’t mind that so much as we’re supporting the cosplayers on stage.

I did my utmost best to get as many pictures as I could but everything was happening rather quickly and unfortunately I didn’t manage to take as many photos as I would have liked. I was disappointed but I did the best I could. It went on for quite a while and I did enjoy it but I think it ended at the right time, at least for me personally, as I can’t really be in a room in a large crowd for too long.

I went to my room to have a long rest after the event was done.

A couple of hours later I found my brother and good chum Chris and we danced in the party. I liked the party on the second day more than I did on the first day and I felt that it was because I was hanging around with a group whom I was familiar with whilst interacting with new people at the same time.

I spoke to a very nice lady. I think she’s a very interesting person and I enjoyed talking to her. It felt natural and I felt comfortable, a couple of years ago I might have made a polite excuse to go away from an impromptu conversation. Instead, I braved it and spoke to her. =)

I was also part of that humongous conger line and I was near the front, right behind the person who was videoing it with her camera phone. The best part of the conger line was that a Stormtrooper was right behind me. =D That conger line was fun and when it finished I decided that it would be a good time to leave and go to bed. I was in a good mood but I still had a very bad headache. If I left now, it would be on a high.

So I did.

LAST DAY

It was nice and calming on the last day even though I did feel very ill in my head and body. I think because I had been speaking to so many people over the last couple of days, I felt the energy was zapping away from me. It was the right time to go home.

I did manage to take some more pictures on the last day but I wasn’t feeling as energetic as I had been, but I think most people were probably feeling the same.

OVERALL

It was a very good experience and probably one of the best experiences I’ve ever had in my life. I think this Kitacon was a lot better than last year’s Kitacon and I think it helped that I had prior experience and that there was not as many people this time around.

I’m always going to be ill and be faint in huge crowds and socialising with people but I can will myself to ignore the negative emotions and enjoy the good times that were presented to me. I had the courage to speak to more people this year than I did last year and I even managed two parties in a row.

I had some good moments and some rather bad moments but everything I did was a big fun learning curve and I’m really glad that I went. I’m growing in confidence year by year and I’m learning to be comfortable with new people as well as with my current friends.

I’m also learning not to put unnecessary pressure on myself as things will happen naturally if you live in the moment rather than plan the future.

WILL I GO TO NEXT YEAR’S KITACON?

I’m not sure. There are more positives than negatives about this year’s Kitacon, for me, so I do feel more encouraged to go than not to go. But, I still don’t like planning or thinking too hard about it as I will feel apprehensive.