Eliza is very hard-working and obliging but drives me mad. She won't climb a step ladder which is very limiting as she's only about 3ft tall. Everything lovely and clean to waist level only. I asked her to change a bulb in a lamp (no climbing involved) but she's too afraid to do that too. Don't think I hid my incredulity too well.

Charlotte

Am sure you were your usual sweet gentle self. Maddie is off on a school trip to Ypres. Ava has discovered her Belgian heritage so has been teasing her about her big Belgian feet. Still, Pa is very pleased and she has achieved favourite grandchild status.

Nell

George is in a philosophical frame of mind today. "Sometimes my life is good for me, sometimes it's bad," he says. When you're seven life should be mainly good so I urged him to tell me what made it bad. The only thing he could come up with was a girl in his class telling him his writing is "kind of messy". So not too traumatic. He added she has a bit of a monkey face. I said (perhaps too warmly) he should have told her so.

Charlotte

That's the spirit. Maddie back last night, having visited trenches, cemeteries and memorials. Dan asked her what was most poignant about her trip. The scale of the loss? The sheer tragedy? Apparently not. She said she found it terribly sad but the most striking thing she discovered is that the whole of Belgium "smells of poo".

Nell

I asked Pa about that and it's a wicked slander. Not the whole of Belgium, only Flanders smells and it's pig manure. Some questions: Why are children made to study food tech when they could be doing an academic subject? Why is Ollie never able to tell me till the evening before what ingredients he needs? Why oh why are they now doing ethnic food requiring weird ingredients that I don't know where to find? Next week no doubt they'll need hummingbird hearts.

Charlotte

And perhaps a vial of a mermaid's tears? Dora has Mei-Li over to play today. They spent ages picking daisies for the ladybird orphanage they were creating. All wholesome until they introduced the ladybirds. After which they both came running into the house to say the ladybirds were fighting and would not get off each other's backs. Hugh went out to look and has told them they haven't made an orphanage, they've made a brothel. Now they're both asking me what a brothel is.