She talked to me about it. She shared her own struggles. She increased my desire for vulnerability. I’m the kind of girl who is good at ‘stuffing it’, and trust me, that’s not a good thing to be ‘good at’, but my friend Hannah made me feel like I could be myself. She provided a listening ear for me to pour out my frustrations and insecurities, that would have seemed silly if I was talking to someone else, and she always prodded me further and farther upward on the road to recovery.

What do I love about her? She’s tender, sweet, loving, and a rock of a friend. Her smile is contagious. Her joy is vibrant, and her love for Jesus is evident.

Don’t underestimate the power of a friend? Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”

How have you surrounded yourself with friends during recovery? Did you find that you made friends and lost some in the midst of recovery?

#1, the only reason I recovered and was able to move on from my issues with eating and am continually leaving them behind is because of Jesus and the people and things He brought into my life to change me, challenge my perspective on health, and push me to step out in faith and go after the eating and exercise and weight fears in my head.

One of the biggest parts of my recovery was… my family.

The girl with the camera? She’s my sister, the one that comes right after me in age line-up. She’s the complete opposite of me when it comes to health and nutrition. She’s carefree, adventurous, not worried about weight, and she has told me how she simply can’t understand how some girls can be so worried about eating junk food or the amount of calories going into their mouth.

This is the girl who has also, stopped me, looked me straight in the eye, even in the past year and asked, “Is this about calories? Is this about your weight? Why does it matter?” I admit that it stung a bit, but she also said the exact words I needed to hear every time. I would avoid the issue, even tiptoe around it, not wanting to admit that I do struggle with my eating and an obsession over my body, sometimes, even still. She has been like ‘iron sharpening iron.’

Proverbs 27:6, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” I know that every time my sister confronted me, she confronted me because she loved me. If she didn’t love me, she wouldn’t have bothered, but because she loved me, she was willing to say the hard things, in love, so that I would dig down to the depth of my struggles and root out all the ED thoughts and habits.

Wow. Want to talk about this girl with me? 🙂 She’s 18 now. She’s a beautiful girl. She’s one of the most honest people you will ever meet. Even when you hurt her, she willingly, readily, forgives and quickly forgets. And boy, do I know that I did hurt her, by my obsession over food, my idolatry of eating healthy, of skipping dessert, or of fasting for a ‘skinny body’, and yet, she still loves me. She loves me even though I spent too much time focused on my body and my eating than making memories with her. She reminds me that the Lord truly does redeem the ‘years that the locusts have eaten,’ and I am grateful to the core of my being for her friendship.

She’s the youngest…. She’s a little goofy, and she is the joy, sensitivity, and a kind spirit in my life. She reminds me to not judge others for their eating habits with her love for others. She is sensitive, even at a young age, to other girl’s struggles with eating and food. She loves to eat ice-cream, but she’s not obsessed with it. She loves playing with food… as you see and using her imagination to turn the chicken into a talking monster.

The biggest thing. She was the person who never once mentioned my struggles, but I knew that she loved me in spite of them. She mirrored the love of Jesus in the way she continued and continues to love me with her joyful spirit, her forgiving heart, and her aptness for making me laugh… really hard.

It was never a comment from peers or people that I loved that started me off down the road to eating and body idolatry. In fact, these two people below, my daddy and my brother were two of the most constant, faithful, kind, and loving men in my life that I could have asked for during my struggles.

My dad. Well, my dad was the first one to gently prod me for the real reason I wanted to lose weight. He was the one who made me think, ‘Maybe it’s okay for me to start eating like a normal person again, to enjoy food with family that I haven’t enjoyed in a long time.’ He was so gentle about it. He didn’t accuse or get angry. He came to me with such gentle concern that it broke the walls I had and brought my struggles to the light.

My brother is amazing. He loves people. He truly does. I declare that there is not a ‘cliquish’ bone in his body. Always up for a new adventure, a new friend, or a new experience, he was my constant running companion for at least 3 or 4 years. We ran our first 10 mile, 11 mile, 12 mile, and 13 mile run together. We talked about everything from relationships, to my struggles with my body, friends, our walk with the Lord, our dreams, goals, daily happenings, and just random things… God used running to build a bridge in our relationship, that by God’s grace, I pray will never disappear.

My mom. I am incredibly, awesomely blessed by our great Heavenly Father to have a mom who is not only my mother, counselor, and advisor, but my best friend, a fantastic listener, a diligent seeker of a deeper relationship with Jesus, and one of the most compassionate people I have ever met. I didn’t need a counselor outside of my house (although I know some do!), because God provided a counselor in my mom. My mom has listened to some of my frustrations over my cycle, my eating, and body, and she has always provided wise, loving advice.

What can I say to those of you, my friends and sisters, who are struggling?

Be accountable. No, you don’t have to share your eating disorder with everybody, but find trusted people, your family, pastor, or friends that you can share your struggles with, ask for prayer, advice, and counsel. Don’t walk this road alone.

Proverbs 11:14, “Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellers there is safety.”

Sisters, I love you! If you ever need a listening ear PLEASE email me! I know it’s kind of scary to email someone you’ve never met in person, but I promise that I don’t bite, and that I would love to share with you my own struggles, what God has taught me, and is teaching me.

Warning: This post will include a few numbers and thoughts that may be triggering, so please do not continue if you don’t think it will be helpful. I hope that it will serve to encourage you as I talk through the things I’ve learned and am still learning.

I had some thoughts that follow along with spotting eating issues in different people.

I used to have this eating disorder stereotype in my mind. I struggled with the fact, that often, I didn’t look like that, and so, did I really need to change the way I exercised and ate? The girl in my mind that needed help was REALLY skinny, on the brink of death, exercising for 3-4 hours a day, and eating only 200 calories a day.

I struggled with this for a long time, because my heart really bled and still does for girls who went through intense struggles like Julia @ Lord Still Loves me and Annie @ Be Vulnerable, Have Joy and other girls. It has been amazing and encouraging to watch their journeys to joy, fulfillment, and healing.

Yet, at the same time, I thought that something wasn’t really wrong with the way I looked at food. I wasn’t super skinny. I didn’t really exercise 3-4 hours a day, and I never ate less than probably 1500 calories. I did think about food often, and it was hard to eat dessert or lick off a spoon because of the extra calories I knew I was eating. It took a while for me to realize that something needed to change in the way I looked at exercise, eating, and health.

Yes, there are stereotypes associated with anorexia and bulimia, and there are young women who exhibit more of the symptoms, and it may be more obvious to you that they are struggling. However, as Julia and many other young women have pointed out, it starts with a wrong mindset. For it is from the heart of a man that a thing proceeds, not the outside.

I had a wrong mindset about exercise. I looked at it as a way to burn calories instead of enjoying exploring God’s World. Eating was an idol instead of a way to enjoy God’s amazing varieties of food with my family and friends. Health was a god that consumed my thoughts and my agitated actions.

It starts with that mindset. Eating and exercise are not things to consume you, but they are gifts to enjoy and be thankful for in light of God’s great love, wherewith He has loved us.

Who else wants to eat like a kid again, to enjoy that cookie without that pang of guilt? Smile like a child. Wonder like a child, and learn from the faith of the little child that eats without worry.

As a girl, I can say that we are ENORMOUSLY affected by the eating of peers around us. I’ve become much more sensitive to this in myself and in others when I go to baby showers, bridal showers, or other social meals. Yet, I’ve also learned to listen to the truth of God’s Word in my head about the body and my eating, rather than the lies of the world, and the lies of comparison that want to consume me.

Some of the thoughts that go through my head when in a social situation (not including being with my family) are:

Why can’t I eat that little and stay skinny and not be hungry?

I wonder if she ever eats sugar?

She’s so much healthier than me, but I would be starving if I ate like that.

It’s comparison. It’s really idolatry of what other people, and other peers think of us.

Think about this. What if we went back to eating like we did when we were kids? When you were 5, did you think about how much the other 5 year old was eating and that you shouldn’t eat more than them?

I didn’t. I grew up in a home that was very balanced about food. We weren’t obsessed with health foods or fad diets, but we didn’t consume junk food 24/7 either. We didn’t discuss nutrition, but I followed my parent’s example. It wasn’t until I began being discontent with the body that I had, gazing longingly at the images of girls, whose bodies looked ‘perfect.’ Where did that definition of perfect come from anyways?

Every person is different. Every body is unique.

Stop comparing. You have the appetite, the caloric need, the body you have, because God gave it to you. Psalm 139 says that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Let’s go back to our childhood again and learn what it is to eat with gratefulness and not caring what the WORLD says beauty is because what God says beauty is, is SO much more important.

Proverbs 31:30 says, ‘Charm is deceitful. Beauty is vain, but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.’

The Life of the Writer

I live in the beautiful state of Colorado where 14ers are to give you all the sore legs you need, amazing skiing, plenty of other runners, glorious sunsets, majestic elk herds, and peaceful country roads with clear air.

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Go Back in Time!

Go Back in Time!

I am a very ordinary girl. I’m 24, but if you met me, you wouldn’t believe me. I am passionate about girls finding true beauty in Christ. I love peanut butter, icecream, and salad. My hobbies are cooking, baking, sharing laughs and tears with others, and sharing the fullness of joy that Christ has put in me. I love reading other blogs, and I hope that this will be a place where you can find encouragement, recipes, smiles, and joy. Click here to read more about me...