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As entertainment critic Roger
Ebert once said, "If you disagree with something I write, tell me so, argue
with me, correct me--but don't tell me to shut up. That's not the American way."

As the Universe expandeth, so hath THE BOBERT.Perhaps this is proclaimed in order that The Bobert may have greater enjoyment of the melodious birds, the playful fish and the happy beasts.

To eat.

Truly, what is gained in consuming The World? Bobert the Younger kneweth not about cooking the bounty of The Earth until conspiring with The Demon Ramsay of the Underworld. The evil demon delighted in Bobert's great girth and secretly sought to further embiggen him to his service. By clever taunts, incessant rages and stressful demands he first attempted to form The Younger, however the meager talents contained therein thwarted his plan. Infuriated, the Bobert was mercilessly ensconced in fire and foul language. It was revealed to him how to lead both the innocent crab and the hapless potato into his fearsome broiler with equal unholy glee, and ever was the threat that should he fail, never would he be rewarded with The Fruits of Hell.

Bobert the Younger gained much knowledge from The Demon, however in The End saw a terrible error in his dreadful expansion, and foreswore that his thousands of leagues of veins and arteries should not bear such ill treatment, and he sought to become known as Bobert the Thinner.

Oh WOE unto the dreams of Man, as The Bobert fought and failed against the secret song of The Demon, who in Time saw that his seed had indeed doubled, nay tripled the gross mass of His Intended. This new EMBIGGENED BOBERT was again lured into the clutches of the Underworld by something so tawdry as a free meal.

Embiggened Bobert, we cry for thee! Where Bobert the Younger was docile, Embiggened Bobert smasheth plates unending. As Bobert the Younger shied from physical contact, Embiggened Bobert containeth such fury as to dare bounce the entire state of Texas off his terrible huge gut. Verily, the sad heart of Bobert the Younger is now sorely vexed in the service of not mere thousands, but millions and millions more leagues of artery and vein, having scarce time for compassion towards his fellows. Only in blaming others in the demon's own language, spiteful comments about his brother team mate's integrity, and the siren promise of filthy lucre brings solace to this tragic Spirit.

Embiggened Bobert, what shall become of thee? Shall your visage grow until it blocks the Sun, and as the fabled Godzilla, bring unending terror to small Japanese children? Nay, if you cease not in the gobbling of the entire planet, shall you not retract your stubby limbs within your humongous torso, spout fire and spin off to consume other worlds in your insatiable quest?

On the husk of a burnt out barren globe, all men shall curse forever the creation of GAMERABERT.

Oh, Woe, for sure, dude! Robert the biggert, or 'embiggened' is definitely on a 'roll', with a few in his mouth at the same time.

And only God truly knows where this more than likely tragic tale will end.

I fear it will be on a larger-than-life EMT stretcher, with a size 16, I.V.-IF they can find a vein deep in the walls of those furocious arms-supplying life, meds, and another feeble hope for tomorrow....

This cannot end well, my friend. It just cannot!!! I think I feel the earth shaking now, and I live in Arizona.Damn you, Ramsey, you've claimed yet another helpless child!

EbOBERT! Thinkest thou not that The Demon plotted against thee with The Punishment? Ratings, Eblobert! RATINGS!The Demon endears your spirit with false compassion towardeth thy snares to enfatten your fellows by cooking with butter, cream and fat. Any Fool knowest this path. THEN The Demon tortures thee with the demand that thou makest an entire meal fit only for the Twiggies of the Earth! Canst ye not see the fallacy?

Twice now hast thine embiggened heart faltered upon physical demands placed upon it. In the rarified air of a ski resort, ye shall not fare better. Verily, whilst seeking a stray potato or chasing a skittering crab acrost the scullery floor, a blackness shall overcome thy vision and thy Piehole never return to 700 calorie mouthfuls.

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