Look, I don’t have time to go into all the particulars. In case you didn’t notice, it’s Christmas/New Year’s Week, which means I have a lot of Oxys to snort off the chests of numerous nubile hookers, and blogging is… Read More ›

Oh, hello to you. I don’t believe you’ve had the pleasure. Please, allow me to introduce myself. The name is Oswald Jameson Carver IV. But you? You may call me Kang. Why Kang? Funny you should ask. I know I… Read More ›

“Montgomery?” I said to my butler shortly after returning from work this afternoon. “Why is there a hirsute Asian lad reading Jughead comic books at the dining room table?” “Wot wot?” Montgomery replied, sticking his head out from the pantry…. Read More ›

In case you hadn’t noticed, we’re thick in the dog days of summer. Which means it’s a great time of year for me to relax poolside in a Speedo, frolic on my private yacht, and eat enough charred animal flesh… Read More ›

Did you people know that I had a son? Apparently I adopted one some time ago, but had forgotten all about it until this morning when I found some foreign lad firing an elephant gun off the top floor balcony… Read More ›

I awoke this morning to a series of strange, violent sounds emanating from the pool area behind my palatial estate: yells, grunts, and smacking sounds, like fists hitting flesh. I arose from my whore-filled bed and threw on a robe… Read More ›

Yes, this is really happening. As a result of a recent settlement that enabled me to evade a host of criminal and civil charges stemming from alleged systematic abuse of my former houseboy, Kang, I have agreed to adopt the… Read More ›

I really need a drink. My lead attorney, Buzz Goldenrod, just called to update me on one of the many legal proceedings in which I’m currently embroiled, and the news was anything but good. “Oz? Buzz. Listen. About this Batukhang… Read More ›

Our country’s legal system is out of control, choked by frivolous lawsuits that are as dangerous to the welfare of our Constitutional Republic as they are to the bottom line of self-made men such as myself. Need proof? Look no… Read More ›

No more half-assed measures for me when it comes to my domestic needs: following a rigorous selection process, I’ve hired an honest-to-god butler to see to my palatial estate. The man goes by Montgomery, but I’m not sure if it’s… Read More ›

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Countdown To Freedom

January 20th, 2017

Free at last.

Etc.

Most persons and all events depicted on this blog are fictitious and none of it should be taken seriously. The views and opinions expressed by Oswald J. Carver III are not shared by the author, save for those regarding the attractiveness of big butts on women and general awesomeness of '70s rock music.