Header Right

In last week’s blog post we talked about the first component of emotional intelligence, which is Self-Awareness.

Self-Regulation is the Second Component.

Can you control your impulses? Are you moody, or are you open to change? Can you handle uncertainty? The ability to appropriately and positively respond to something, that might not match-up with your thinking, is a part of self-regulation.

For example, the guy or girl you are going out with, calls at the last minute and cancels your date. Where does your mind go? Do you lash out at them? Do you immediately call them a jerk? Or, do you try to understand why they had to cancel?

No, it’s not cool to cancel at the last minute, but do you immediately get an attitude before you even know why?

As a single mom for three years, I had to cancel a lot of dates at the last minute. Was I flaky? No, I was a mom with two kiddos, and I had no choice but to cancel at times. If a guy were to give me an ounce of attitude, without even knowing why I had to cancel, I would most likely never go out with him again.

I wouldn’t yell at him for being a jerk, (because I can self-regulate) but I would definitely apologize for the inconvenience, tell him to have a nice day, and then I would move on.

Accountability is a major part of self-regulation. Are you accountable for your actions? This is such a huge one for me personally.

So, three guys walk into a bar. Their names are Peter Salovey, John Mayer (not the singer) and Daniel Goleman. What do all of these guys have in common?

They are the experts on emotional intelligence.

Sorry, that wasn’t really a joke, but if you want to learn about emotional intelligence, then these are your guys.

If you did walk into a bar, after getting dumped, these are the guys you want to sit by when you drown your sorrows. Not that you would ever do that. (Wink, Wink).

While Peter Salovey and John Mayer developed the psychological theory behind emotional intelligence, Daniel Goleman wrote a bunch of books about it. I added links to Amazon for his books at the bottom of this article for my book worms. 🙂

The problem is, a lot of these books will send you into a deep coma before you are actually able to absorb any of the information.

(No offense Daniel Goleman. You are super smart and awesome.)

We have talked a lot in my previous posts about self-awareness, stopping the negative self-talk and about finding happiness.

Emotional Intelligence is the next logical step.

I don’t care how smart you are, or if you graduated from an Ivy League school. If you aren’t emotionally intelligent, you will struggle as an adult in your personal relationships, and your career.

Of course, my focus is on personal relationships.

Sorry, but if you don’t know how to relate positively to other human beings, you may as well go live on planet Mars. Or you can go live in Arizona, where they too have giant dust storms.

If you truly are looking to better yourself and grow as a person, then the concept of emotional intelligence is so invaluable.

Like I said, when you read about it from an educational stand point it tends to be quite the snooze fest for some people, so I will try and use real life examples that I think make it fun!

Are you chasing men and can’t catch one? Please, never chase a man. It simply doesn’t work that way. If you disagree with me, I’m sorry but you’re wrong.

Below are ten rules that all single women should follow. Women who do NOT follow these rules often find themselves pursuing men. Are they desperate? God no, they simply don’t know any better! (or they’re trying to be the cool chick or their friend is giving them the worst dating advice ever). Please do not chase men. They need to chase you.

Read the below rules and apply them to your dating life. I promise you the right guy will show up. I know it’s easier said than done, but I promise if you follow these rules, goodmen will start to show up. You will have your pick whilst weeding out the ones that will only waste your time and break your heart.

Before you jump right in, please note. None if this works if you aren’t authentic. Please be original. You have to be self-aware, know what you represent, and carry that with confidence. I don’t care if you are the best baker in your group, the best dancer, the best at telling jokes, or you find the best cat videos. Find something that you’re proud of and be authentic.

You have to live your truth. Otherwise the below dating tips will work and you will have men vying for your attention, but you won’t find the one who is best for you. The “real” one that you are meant to be with. After all, if you don’t really know yourself, how can you truly relate to another person and form a deep connection? News flash, you can’t! You know this…

You deserve to be happy and have men vying for your attention. Oh, and let me fill you in on a little secret real quick….You do NOT have to be the prettiest one in the room. Please take pride in yourself and your appearance of course, but looking “perfect” or whatever society tells us is perfect is stupid. So as of right now, STOP putting all of your effort into how you look. It’s simply just not that important.

If you find yourself constantly getting dumped, or not getting call backs after dates, then you need to get a life.

This is a blog post for my friends who have just been dumped, or cannot get a call back after a date, or worse you have been ghosted! First of all, let me say, I’m really sorry. That sucks and I have been there (a bunch).

What I write in this blog, may sting a little, but I only say it because I know personally with every fiber of my being that it’s true and that I can help you. I want you to be happy whoever you are. Everyone deserves to be happy. If you think you can handle some tough talk and constructive criticism, then I’m here for you. Can you handle it?

Okay, what does it mean to be ghosted? Well, basically it’s when you never hear back from someone you’ve been going out with for a couple of months and they just disappear! Yes, it happens. Brutal I know.

Subscribe to my newsletter

* indicates required

Email Address *

First Name

Footer

Search

Search this website

Disclaimer

The advice offered in this blog is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this blog is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, medical, legal, or other professional advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional, psychological or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist. The opinions or views expressed in this blog are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed professional, physician or mental health professional. This blog and its author are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice in any given situation. You, and only you, are completely responsible for your actions. This website is not intended to be viewed by minors or anyone under the age of 18. By entering this site, you are agreeing that you are over the age of 18.