Flush with a recent infusion of oil dollars, Azerbaijan announced today it will erect the world's largest penis in its capital.

Tentatively dubbed the Grand Phallus, the penis will stand 3,645 feet tall – 27% higher than the Great Kebab in Dubai – rising over a pair of 40 story-high balls that will house the royal family jewels and a five-star hotel staffed entirely by dwarfs.

"People from all over the world will come to admire this massive penis," boasted Azerbaijan Prime Minister Artur Rashizade, "They will come to Azerbaijan and be humbled."

Rashizade went on to add that, unlike other countries' penises that contract in size as much as 0.001% in cold weather, Azerbaijan's penis will remain precisely 43,740 inches tall at all times.

"The penis will have a lawn, but one that is meticulously groomed and trimmed daily. Not like that spider infested jungle outside Taipei 101 in Taiwan," Ibrahimovic said, adding: "Also, the penis will periodically spew hundreds of gallons of cum into the air."