Saturday, March 1, 2014

English! What English?

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(Image source Wikipedia)

Homer
Jay Simpson is a cartoon character from the popular animated
television series, “The Simpsons” as the patriarch of the
Eponymous family. He has been described by the British newspaper 'The
Sunday Times' as "the greatest comic creation of [modern] time"
and without doubt one of the most influential cartoon characters on
television. In a famous quote, he says in one episode of the serial:
“ English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England.”

That
seems to be the exact feeling and attitude of many people in India
including those, who are occupying important posts in Governments
also. The irony of it is that these people keep using English
language as means of communication, yet seem to have the exact
attitude of Homer Jay Simpson. I am reminded here of a popular TV
serial produced by BBC; “Mind Your Language” in late-1977. The
serial was set in an adult education college in London and focused
on the English as a Foreign Language class taught one Jeremy Brown,
who had to deal with a motley crew of foreign students. The students
are shown as from different nationalities such as India, Pakistan,
Italy, Germany, Spain and China. All of them have their own accent
and peculiarities, while interacting with fellow students and the
teacher. This makes the show, a highly humourous and entertaining
comedy in true BBC traditions.

I
am not much concerned here about the debate that whether such abuse
of a language, degrades it or actually strengthens it. According to
me it surely does one thing, it creates howlers that are highly
entertaining without least doubt. Talking specifically about India,
most of the times the text becomes incredibly funny because it has
been translated from an original text written in one of the Indian
languages. Translation is a tricky business and unless it is done by
someone who has a proficiency in both the languages, it usually
produces highly hilarious effects. Take for example this paragraph
from a text book in Geography prescribed for students in India's
state of Gujarat. It is clear that the text has been translated from
original Gujarati language.

“You
might have heared, read and seen that the Earth is round. Whereas,
you stay on the Earth, you cannot come to know the shape of Earth;
because the Earth is too much vast. Why we do not feel that the Earth
is round? Is the Earth really To whom it is like? Just imagine,
round? The Moon-uncle is telling. ‘Come on to my surface and see
from the edge. The travellers of the space had taken the photographs
of the Earth from the space — see it”

Here
is another one, which I picked up on web. The text is translated from
Arabic and does not seem to bother much about spelling or even the
hidden meaning. It says:

“ WARRING

PLEASE
DO NOT PARK HER

FOR
CONSTRUCTION

(WE
ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE

FOR
DAMEGE)”

Can
you beat this one? But see this one from a Gujarat text book. It is
even better:

“The
man found grains like wheat, jav etc. automatically in the various
part of India’s soil. So the people of India [in that time]
collected and preserved that grains for food. They met each other
often and often and often, and so ‘Socialism’ increased. We are
getting the residues of premature mankind since 20 lakhs years ago in
India.”

Many
a times the text may not be an actual translation, but the writer,
while writing, is thinking in his own mother tongue and mentally
translating the sentence formed in his mind in his mother tongue to
English. The results can be equally hilarious. Here is an example
again, from one of the text books in Gujarat state, which says:

“People
in east India wear clothes above ankle as there is more rainfall.
Ladies wear sari in a peculiar manner. Most
people in eastern India reside in “houses made of wood and bamboo.”

Or
see this TV sub title, an obvious 'in mind- translation', which I
found on web:

“TWO
DEAD FOUND DEAD”

Many
howlers are produced because the text contains a word, which might be
in use colloquially in that region, but has no meaning or a different
meaning in conventional English. Many tailors and cloth merchants
from my home town Pune, commonly use the word 'Panting' that rhymes
rather well with word 'Shirting,' meaning cloth used for stitching a
shirt. When any customer visits their shops, they would ask
courteously, whether he wants shirting or Panting? I could never
understand first, why these guys have started panting after seeing
me?

Look
at this sign board:

HASAN
KEY
MAKER

GLASS
DOOR
REPAIR
AND

WHEELCHAIR,
SHITTERetc.

M.no-
98xxxxxxxx

It
requires lot of effort to figure out what the word Shitter means
here. I feel that this guy probably makes seat covers for chairs and
two wheelers and hence proudly likes to call himself a Shitter.

This
signboard however beats them all. No explanations required.

Cell:
xxxxxxxx

Anus

Catering
Service

All
Party
Orders
are
Taken

A
friend recently sent to me this photograph of a signboard. I am sure
that no explanation is needed to enjoy this too.

(Image:
https://www.facebook.com/EmglishWhirledWide,
may be copyrighted)

I
can go on and on. Readers would understand now, why I wholeheartedly
agree with Homer Jay Simpson saying: “ English? Who needs that? I'm
never going to England.” May the breed of such wonderful writers
create more and more such howlers for us. After all, they bring few
moments of Joy in this drab reality, what we call as life.

(some
of the quotes mentioned here, are from web site
https://www.facebook.com/EmglishWhirledWide