Ivanka and Jared Vacationing in Moral Vacuum

MORAL VACUUM (The Borowitz
Report)—After many
noticed their silence amid the calamitous events of the past several
days, Ivanka Trump and her husband, Jared Kushner, confirmed on
Wednesday that they have been enjoying a late-summer vacation in a moral
vacuum.

In a brief interview with reporters, Trump said that she and Kushner
were “just loving” their time in the moral vacuum, calling it “our very
favorite place to be.”

“It’s heaven,” she said. “We get up in the morning and never give a
thought to our responsibility as Jews, Americans, or moral actors whose
decisions have consequences for other people.”

She said that spending time in a moral vacuum had done her husband a
world of good. “This is Jared’s favorite thing to do, besides meeting
with Russians,” she said.

Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.

The man’s robotic performance indicated that he was reading a prepared statement under duress.

As the years passed, Tom grew more entrenched in his homelessness. He was absorbed in lofty fantasies and private missions, aware of the basest necessities and the most transcendent abstractions, and almost nothing in between.