Here I am, in the hospital. On an afternoon when I thought we'd have a nice lunch and a chat, my mom's body had other ideas. So now I'm hanging out in the dark room in case she needs something. I try not to get scared about it because I figure if my mom can joke around even when she's feeling pretty miserable, then I can suck it up too.

This week has not been great. To be honest, I don't write specifics of my mom's condition here because she's a very private person and I think she might be embarassed. And since I walked in the hospital room the other day and my blog was up on her computer screen... But the truth of the matter is that things have been rough for her this week. She's got this horrid infection, and now pnemonia, and today she had an allergic reaction to something.

I just feel like this is all so unfair. I'm not a religious person, but I've always believed in Karma (not the dog, although I belive in her too). I believe that the universe has a way of balancing itself out. Don't you feel that way too? Like if you're having a really bad day, almost always there's a day later in the week that's so full of good you feel like the universe is paying you back for the bad one.

But I don't believe that anymore. My mother is the last person in the world who needed her Karma adjusted in this way.

But I'm not angry about it. I mean really, who should I be angry at? This is life, right? And we're dealing the best we can.

I always get into these posts and don't know how to end it. It helps to write about this stuff, but I want to end it on a high note, or at least talking about something different. But I just can't bring myself to stop thinking about how our lives have changed in the last 5 months. I'm just so thankful that I have a tough mom who through all of this worries about us more than she should. And I still feel blessed that I've had so much time with her. I've been thinking a lot about the fact that if it weren't for this disease I never would have heard the stories of her in her 20s, her first years of marriage, her first job in Phoenix, or growing up with her family. I really am blessed.

Well what do you know, I found a way to turn it around by the end of the post...

But I want to leave you with something to discuss. Say your 5th wedding anniversary is coming up in April. You havn't thought of a gift yet, but you know your hubby already has something to give to you. This husband has been a saint and a rock in the last year and you want to do something special. Any ideas what you'd give him?

1 Comments:

Hey Amanda - delurking (I started reading you through Kelli) to say.....I understand. My mom was dx'd with a rare breast cancer 12 years ago and then brain mets a year later. She survived it all, but it wasn't always easy and she is the most upbeat person I know. One of the hardest things was that so many friends just didn't understand what it's like to see the mortality of a parent so clearly. Anyway, just wanted to say I'm sending good thoughts your way. I'm certain some of my mom's recovery came from her positive attitude, so it sounds like your mom is on the right track. This is the longest comment I've ever left. Sorry! :)