Real Housewives of New York: Culture of entitlement

Because all of the ladies have their charities (with the exception of Sonja, whose charity is “Sonja”), Her Serene Highness Princess Carole Radziwill hosts a ping-pong tournament to benefit a documentary film grant program she started in her dead prince husband’s name. Considering Her Serene Highness Princess Carole Radziwill is reportedly worth $50 million, you’d think she could afford to just write personal checks to worthy filmmakers, but then we wouldn’t have a ridiculous excuse to shove these terrible women into a room together, so.

Heather, Aviva and UnSexy Grandpa arrive to the ping-pong tournament first, and immediately, Aviva begins stomping her one foot and ranting about how RAMONA BETTER STAY AWAY FROM HER IF SHE KNOWS WHAT’S BEST. HOW DARE RAMONA THROW AN 80-YEAR-OLD MAN OUT OF A PARTY HE WASN’T INVITED TO? UnSexy Grandpa joins in the chorus, calling Ramona an “animal” for the way she “attacked” him, and Her Serene Highness Princess Carole Radziwill, she sighs heavily. The Countess, trying to remain relevant this season (and failing) suggests that Aviva and Ramona need to sit down together and talk it out, but not now, not tonight, perhaps.

Ramona, Mario and Avery arrive, and Her Serene Highness Princess Carole Radziwill greets them and steers them away from Aviva and UnSexy Grandpa to the best of her ability. However, as Mario and Ramona warm up their ping-pong arms, UnSexy Grandpa hobbles over to start trouble and get more screentime greet Mario. Ramona goes Ramona-eyed and begins swatting balls at Mario while shrieking at him to return them to her. He does not. Instead, he and UnSexy Grandpa exchange a few terse and chilly words.

And then everyone plays ping-pong for a while, which is exactly as interesting as it sounds. Avery and Heather face each other in the finals, and Heather wins, holla, the end.

Ramona, Mario, Sonja and Avery take their leave, while Aviva rants at Heather’s husband, Jonathan, of whom we’ve seen very little this season, about what a monster Ramona is. Jonathan calmly suggests that Aviva needs to maybe forgive and forget. WOULD YOU FORGIVE SOMEONE WHO THREW YOUR 80-YEAR-OLD FATHER OUT OF A LADIES’ FASHION PARTY THAT HE WASN’T INVITED TO? WOULD YOU, JONATHAN? Jonathan reasonably points out that maybe both women have some apologies to make, but Aviva disagrees. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WORSE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD THAN THROWING SOMEONE OUT OF A PARTY TO WHICH THEY WERE NOT INVITED. Heather intervenes, noting that Ramona has always been a nightmare; Aviva was just willing to overlook it until it affected her. WELL THAT’S TRUE, Aviva concedes. How about we stop talking about it, since everyone is very tired of this particular conversation, and Aviva is making herself into the villain every time she opens her mouth, suggests Heather. YES, THAT’S FAIR, LET’S MOVE ON (for now), agrees Aviva.

Sometime later, Sonja visits Heather at the Yummie Tummie offices to see the final toaster oven box options: One with (toaster-ovened) beefcake which Designer James has comped onto a box, and one with just Sonja fondling her toaster oven that Designer James merely printed out. After a little consideration, Sonja decides that she is pro-beefcake after all. (Of course.) Heather was right all along, holla! Sonja then asks for photographs that she can send out to the buyers, and everyone is like, “Sure, sure, but we were right about the beefcake, right? Say it again. We were right, you were insufferable. Say it.”

Her Serene Highness Princess Carole Radziwill sits outside the New York City Public Library and makes an obnoxious phone call to her sister-in-law to announce that she has given birth finished her novel (same thing, writing a book and giving birth are the exact same thing, fact), and she’s going to throw a “baby shower” for her book, because as awesome as Her Serene Highness Princess Carole Radziwill might seem compared to the rest of these Upper East Side Nightmares, she wouldn’t be on this series if she weren’t at least a little terrible. DO NOT BE FOOLED.

Heather hosts Aviva at Yummie Tummie to prepare her for the upcoming fashion show. Heather shows Aviva her collection of leotards that she is going to have the models wear, and explains that she is giving Aviva a place of honor — the final look. This look will be a black leotard paired with a tuxedo jacket. To make it fancy. Aviva balks at the idea of her leg being so exposed, but Heather encourages her to at least try the outfit on before she refuses. And so Aviva does, and she looks great, and she agrees to wear the look. Holla.

However, at the time of the show itself, Aviva has decided that she’s totally cool with wearing the leotard … just not with the tuxedo jacket. Something about being worried that by covering her arms it will draw even more attention to her leg? Heather is like, “yeah, no. You’re a model, you don’t get to style the looks, just wear them, unquestioningly. Put on the jacket.” Sounds like someone needs a stern Mr. Jay talking to about her role in this business, Aviva.

Everyone else arrives at the show, including Sonja, Ramona and Mario, but because Aviva is safely backstage conniving to “forget” her jacket, there is no risk of Aviva and Ramona crossing paths. For now.

After Heather pep-talks the models about their “gorgeous spirits,” and encourages them to “feel the music,” a violinist begins performing, and soon a bunch of leggy models are stomping their way down the catwalk in their nude leotards. Sexy.

But not as sexy as this:

Never as sexy as this.

As the fashion show is happening, Sonja and Ramona hunt down the photographer from the toaster oven shoot and begin haranguing him for extra photographs. WHY DIDN’T YOU GIVE SONJA PICTURES OF JUST THE TOASTER OVEN? WHY DIDN’T YOU GIVE SONJA PICTURES OF JUST SONJA? WHY DIDN’T YOU GIVE SONJA PICTURES OF SONJA WITH THE TOASTER OVEN? SONJA NEEDS THOSE PICTURES! FOR SOME REASON!

Ramona then orders a glass of Pinot Ramona, only to find it Not Up to Her Standards of Cleanliness, so Sonja offers her glass:

(realitytvgifs.tumblr.com)

And here I thought it would be any glass in the storm for Ramona. Who knew!

Finally, it’s time for Aviva to hop walk the runway, and what do you know but she’s managed to misplace that tuxedo jacket somewhere along the way. Heather, reasonable person that she is, is annoyed, but keeps things in perspective: this was a charity event, just let it go. Holla.

But what Heather is not going to let go is Ramona and Sonja’s general awfulness. Following the show that they paid exactly no attention to, Heather finds the two of them in the hallway still complaining to one another about how Heather’s photographer did not give Sonja enough free photographs of her toaster oven. As Heather surprises these two gossip interruptus, they make some weak attempts to compliment her fashion show and pretend they weren’t just talking a bunch of smack about how she and her friends hadn’t done enough free work for Sonja. Ramona brazenly explains that they weren’t expecting Heather to be in the hallway of her fashion show, and would Heather please leave so that the two of them could continue whinging about how Heather hadn’t done enough for Sonja their conversation. Nope! Instead, Heather decides to confront Sonja on her awfulness: How about Sonja and her ungrateful, more than likely pantiless derriere get out of here? Heather’s husband, the mythical Jonathan arrives, and thanks Sonja for her support of their charity. O RLY? asks Heather, WHAT DID SHE DO EXCEPT COME IN HERE FOR FREE? (Holla. And snap.) And with that, Heather turns on her heel and stomps off as Sonja calls after her with a thank you for the fun party. Oh, Sonja.

There’s a small revelation that UnSexy Grandpa lied to Her Serene Highness Princess Carole Radziwill about his age. SCANDAL.

Finally, we have Her Serene Highness Princess Carole Radziwill’s “baby” shower for her book WHICH HAS NOT BEEN PICKED UP BY A PUBLISHER, BY THE WAY. How about we save the parties until someone agrees to publish the book, yes? The Countess and peu petit ami français arrive, and Her Serene Highness Princess Carole Radziwill obligingly remarks on the whole Tomás “scandale” which seems increasingly like a bunch of made-up nonsense contrived to keep The Countess on the series for another season. BUT WHATEVER. OH MY, WHATEVER HAPPENED IN ST. BART(H)’S WITH THE COUNTESS AND FAUXNY DEPP? I SUPPOSE WE SHALL NEVER CARE KNOW!

Ramona and Mario arrive some time after Heather, who immediately confronts Ramona about her behavior at the fashion show. Ramona, to her enormous credit, backs down immediately, admits that she was in the wrong for acting as Sonja’s advocate, agrees that Sonja needs to fight her own battles, and insists that she just wants to be Heather’s friend. “Oh,” says Heather. “Well, I wasn’t expecting that.”

Fortunately for the producers’ purposes, Aviva arrives soon after and immediately begins shrieking in Ramona’s face about the whole “Throwing UnSexy Grandpa Out of the Event to Which He Was Not Invited” travesty. HOW DARE RAMONA. Ramona scurries away, as she does, but Mario remains and wonders why Aviva didn’t attend. IT WAS ON THE 90TH FLOOR, MARIO. AVIVA’S LEG IS AFRAID OF HEIGHTS, MARIO. Ramona eventually returns to the fight and insists that UnSexy Grandpa was inappropriately grabby with her; in fact, he assaulted her. (Note: UnSexy Grandpa did not assault her.) Aviva protests that UnSexy Grandpa did not hurt Ramona, but was, instead, making a nice gesture AND HOW DARE RAMONA THROW HIM OUT. IT WAS IMPROPER. HE DIDN’T STEAL ANYTHING. HE DIDN’T RAPE ANYONE. Because, obviously, those are the only two circumstances in which a host should ask a non-invited guest to leave an event.

Meanwhile, at the bar, Sonja attempts to make nicey-nice with Heather who is NOT HAVING IT. Heather tries to be merely chilly with Sonja, but when that doesn’t register, Heather explains that the photographer that Ramona and Sonja attacked felt attacked. Sonja attempts to argue that she is entitled to the photographs that she has not paid for, and Heather is like, EXACTLY. “ENTITLED.” THAT IS THE THING YOU ARE NOT.

And then a lot of people praise Her Serene Highness Princess Carole Radziwill’s baby book, including Joel Schumacher for heaven only knows what reason, as we close out the series with the obligatory “Where are they now” bits:

realitytvgifs.tumblr.com

Ramona remains juiced about her wine empire. She still thinks that Aviva is possessed … and has vowed to keep her distance until an exorcism is performed.

realitytvgifs.tumblr.com

Sonja is still awaiting a settlement from her ex … and her toaster oven box is still awaiting a toaster oven.

realitytvgifs.tumblr.com

While the only brand Heather is focusing on these days is her own … she continues to build up her immunity to the rampant narcissism outbreak.

realitytvgifs.tumblr.com

The Countess is letting fate decide if she and Jacques are meant to have a baby … steering clear of more aggressive measures like IVF, surrogacy, and tequila-induced escapades with pirates.

realitytvgifs.tumblr.com

Aviva is taking baby steps toward overcoming her phobias and anxieties … but she is nowhere closer to getting (another) apology from Ramona.

realitytvgifs.tumblr.com

Her Serene Highness Princess Carole Radziwill is working on turning her novel into a TV show … and Russ has succeeded in turning Her Serene Highness Princess Carole Radziwill into his official girlfriend.

3 Responses

So I never thought that the whole Fauxny Depp thing was fake/staged until Cat from the DC housewives said it on WWHL. And then it suddenly made perfect sense, considering how boring/MIA The Countess was this season.