Does Infertility Matter to Fathers?

by Word of Mom Blogger on January 29, 2015

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Baby Photos

When couples get together, it is not uncommon for someone in the group to get their wallet and display the latest photos of their children. Typically, others will look at the photos and nod their heads with approval.

However, when you are not a parent sometimes looking at other people's photos of their children break your heart. I can safely say that I have been one of those people who nodded with approval but silently ached.

The reason for the pain is not something someone usually discusses with their friends. It is an issue that most people consider taboo — infertility.

Children Matter

Infertility is an issue that means a lot to me and my wife, Melissa. We both have experienced the pain of not being able to have a baby easily.

Melissa and I were 25-years-old when we married, and children were not something we thought about. We both knew we wanted to go slow and experience life. It was easy for us to believe we had all the time in the world to have a child, but the funny thing about time is that it never slows down.

The longer we were together, the more people would question us about not being parents. In the beginning, it was easy to ignore their comments or insensitive words. It wasn't until we both turned 30 that we began to wonder where our children were.

Melissa began reading websites, magazines, and books about pregnancy. She would tell me statistics on having children and information on ovulation, and began using a calendar to find the best time to conceive.

I would share knowledge I found online about conceiving with Melissa, and we would compare notes. Having a baby took over our life and became more like a job than the pleasure most people have in conceiving a child.

Experiencing Infertility

It wasn't until my wife spoke to her gynecologist that fear actually took over full-time. It was 2003, and we were both 33-years-old when we discovered that unless we took the next step and saw an infertility specialist, we probably would never become parents.

It's no secret, but infertility treatments are expensive. Depending on the treatment plan and how badly a couple wants to have a baby, it can cost more money than most people make in a year.

We both knew that conceiving a child was expensive, so we decided to wait one full year before we saw the infertility specialist. Many people think that insurance plans cover infertility treatments, but they do not. Most insurance companies will only pay for what is medically necessary and having a child is not a medical necessity.

Month after month we continued to try to conceive a child. We were overly optimistic while my wife took Clomid as part of the treatment plan. We both sank into a deep depression that effected our relationship and our lives.

The infertility specialist finally told us that we needed to stop and take a break for a while. He was polite when he suggested to Melissa to exercise to lose a little weight, and that we should return in six months with a fresh attitude.

We both listened to what he said and joined a gym. We exercised regularly in hopes that it would help. We still talked about having children through a pregnancy, but we also began talking about adoption.

Hope for Conceiving

It was late 2007 when we saw the doctor again. Melissa and I both knew that time was running out because of our age. We explained to the doctor that we wanted to try to conceive for only a little while longer and were considering adoption as an option rather than never becoming parents.

We knew the chances were not good, so we begun looking at adoption sites on the web regularly while we were trying to conceive. It wasn't until May of 2008, and we were on our last attempt at conceiving a child that we both found out Melissa was pregnant.

Our son, Xander Ian, was born on his due date, nine months later.

Infertility Wisdom

I consider myself lucky to have someone call me dad, but the process of having a baby was one of the most difficult times in my life. Having a baby took over my life and well-being.

Our infertility issues became all-consuming and they did not care about my wants or needs of being a father. However, it did teach me not to take my son for granted and try to cherish every day I have with him to the fullest.

Today, I will show my son's pictures to other couples selectively because I never forget the pain that it caused me in the past. Instead of showing pictures, I would rather tell a couple having infertility issues not to give up hope and never stop talking to each other.

Infertility is a subject that is difficult for anyone to talk about. Do you know of someone who has experienced problems in trying to conceive a baby? or had to use an infertility specialist? Tell me more in the comments!

**

Aaron is a 42-year-old stay-at-home dad. He has a Bachelors of Social Work, and had worked in Social Services investigating child abuse. He considers fatherhood and parenting a privilege not ever to be taken for granted. His website, Dadblunders, is about being a mentor, parent, and father. He turned to blogging to continue to tell others about how important fatherhood is for children. Follow him on Twitter @dadblunders.

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