If you're going to engage in a life-or-death struggle with the recently revived dead, the worst kind of dead to do it with, in my humble opinion, is the evil dead. That goes double if said struggle takes place in an isolated cabin in a haunted wood.

We learned that little lesson back in 1983, when Sam Raimi first unleashed "The Evil Dead," a low-budget gore-fest that has become a cult classic and an oft-cited example of horror done right. In the 30 years since, that same lesson has been reinforced countless times by countless copycat films.

In fact, the cabin-in-the-woods conceit has been mimicked so often that in recent years we've seen at least two horror spoofs incorporating it into their plots: 2010's "Tucker and Dale vs. Evil" and 2011's so-straightforwardly-titled-as-to-be-funny "The Cabin in the Woods."

So, there was one of two routes to take with the Raimi-produced "Evil Dead" remake, arriving in theaters today (April 5) and directed by first-timer Fede Alvarez. Raimi, Alvarez and company could have repeated their feat from the first "Evil Dead" and shocked the world -- not to mention audiences -- by raising the bar on the genre. Or they could simply add to the noise out there by following the well-worn blueprint sketched out decades ago by Raimi.

They, unfortunately, chose the latter. Because while it can boast of some truly extraordinary special effects -- stomach-churning, face-hacking, arm-slicing visual effects, the kind that are sure to titillate the gleefully twisted -- this "Evil Dead" is far more gruesome than awesome.

It tries to obscure its lack of originality -- and, oddly for an "Evil Dead" film, its lack of humor -- with blood. Lots of blood. There's even a literal rainstorm of blood at one point. But the formula flourishes are all too easy to spot, even for those prone to peeking through their fingers to watch horror films.

Granted, a remake can't be expected to be entirely original -- they call it a remake for a reason, after all. And "Evil Dead" at least offers a new cast of characters to be tortured. Instead of the Leno-jawed Bruce Campbell's Ash leading his friends into the woods, it's Jane Levy's Mia, who -- wearing a familiar Michigan State sweatshirt -- is hoping the weekend of isolation will help her kick a heroin addiction cold turkey.

In addition to supplying the film with a central metaphor (drugs are bad, kids), Mia's horse habit makes it easy for her friends to chalk up her bizarre behavior to withdrawals. Actually, though, she's been possessed by a demonic force, which was awakened when her idiot friends read from an ancient book found in the cabin's cellar. Mia isn't the first to be possessed by the demon, either. All of them are, one by one.

And before anyone cries "spoiler," that's not giving anything away. As we learned in the first "Evil Dead" -- and its legion of copycats -- that's just how the cabin-in-the-woods concept works. The only real suspense here is in guessing the order in which they will go down -- and what kind of creative carnage Alvarez and company can dream up to inflict upon their audience.

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Alvarez ups the cringe factor by making many of their grisly injuries self-inflicted. It's an effective strategy, too. It's also to his credit that he largely eschews computer-generated effects -- though not entirely -- in favor of old-school, practical effects. The results are shockingly shocking, as they all but dare viewers not to look away at various points.

The creativity pretty much ends there, though. Despite a script co-written by Oscar-winning screenwriter Diablo Cody ("Juno"), this "Evil Dead" is filled with the same old contrivances that afflict so many horror films. That starts with the towering stupidity of its main characters, who decide to stay in the cabin even after finding 100 dead cats suspended from the cellar ceiling. (Which leads to the decidedly bizarre line, "Let' s not go crazy over this. We'll clear out all those dead cats later.")

They also read out loud from that ancient tome -- discovered in the dead-cat-adorned cellar -- that not only is bound with human skin and held shut by barbed wire, but that basically says, "Don't read this out loud." In blood. So, you know, if anybody had a demonic possession coming ...

Just for good measure, there are any number of contrivances and predictabilities along the way. (By now, we all know that when we see a nail gun, an electric knife or a sketchy staircase, they're all going to play a part later in the story, right?)

Fans of the original "Evil Dead" -- and they are legion -- will delight in a number of homages to the original. (Hint: Sit through the credits.) But homages go only so far. At some point, a horror film has to do something to distinguish itself -- one more lesson we learned from the first "Evil Dead." Unfortunately, it's not a lesson that this version chose to learn.

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EVIL DEAD2 stars, out of 5

Snapshot: A horror remake of the 1983 cult classic "Evil Dead," about five teenagers whose weekend trip to a secluded cabin turns into a bloodbath when they find a book that awakens a demonic force.

What works: The visual effects -- chock-full of gore -- are extraordinary.

What doesn't: Adhering strictly to formula, it does precious little to distinguish itself in the horror genre.