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Thursday, July 31, 2008

TO MY DEAR WIFE:During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:54 times the sheets were clean17 times it was too late49 times you were too tired20 times it was too hot15 times you pretended to be sleep22 times you had a headache17 times you were afraid of waking the baby16 times you said you were too sore12 times it was the wrong time of the month19 times you had to get up early9 times you said weren't in the mood7 times you were sunburned6 times you were watching the late show5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo3 times you said the neighbors would hear us9 times you said your mother would hear usOf the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:6 times you just lay there8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

KEEP READING.......

TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:I think you have things a little confused.Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat36 times you did not come home at all21 times you didn't cum33 times you came too soon19 times you went soft before you got in38 times you worked too late10 times you got cramps in your toes29 times you had to get up early to play golf2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls4 times you got it stuck in your zipper3 times you had a cold and your nose was running2 times you had a splinter in your finger20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book98 times you were too busy watching TV

Of the times we did get together:The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me onmy back or kneeling?"The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.

One day, three bankers, one from HSBC, one from ICICI and one from Barclays, went out for a walk.

"Why don't we prove who is the best among ourselves?"

Why not, said the other two.

The ICICIian said "Let's have a test. Whoever makes this monkey laugh, works for the best firm".

Being a pure logical strategist, the person from Barclays tried to make the monkey Laugh by telling jokes. The monkey stayed still.

As a more practical banker, the HSBC guy tried to make funny gestures... No good, the monkey stayed put...

Now, comes the ICICIian. Being the practical guy he was always trained to be, he whispered something into the monkey's ear, and it burst out laughing at him..

The other two were astonished. So the HSBC guy said "OK, let's take another test. Let's make this monkey cry!!"

So there they went again, applying the same methods as before. The Barclays guy narrated sad stories, the HSBC guy made sad gestures, and they failed again...

Then, the ICICIian again whispered something into the monkey's ear and oh! It started crying, patting the ICICIian's shoulder!

The other two just could not believe their eyes! So the Barclays guy said "OK, you've won twice. If you can win just this one, we will bow to you. Let's make this monkey run".And he barked at the monkey and ordered him to run. Of course, it stayed where it was.. The HSBC guy, true to his type, pushed and prodded the monkey- still No go.

So...here comes ICICIian, again, and whispers into the monkey's ear. The Monkey just takes off! It runs and runs as fast as it can, as if it was scared to death!

The other two surrendered.

They Said: "OK, we give up.

You're the best among us, and you work for the Best firm of the three. But please, please tell us your secret," they begged him.

"Well", said the ICICIian , "The first time I made it laugh, I told I work for ICICI . The next time, I told the monkey how much I get paid ...so it started crying.

Dear All,Govt. has requested the people to avoid going to public places tomorrow, as red alert is declared all over Chennai following the serial blasts in Bangalore and Ahmadabad.It has been guessed that they are following the word: BACK

B - BangaloreA - AhmadabadC - ChennaiK - Kolkata

Please forward this to everybody you care for.

There is no confirmation about this message. So there is no need to be panic. This is just a rumor spreading in the form of an email.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Next bomb target is 'Kerala'? As per the news on TV9, today (July 27, 08) the office of TV9 got a call at 3:28 PM. The caller said that he is calling from the Pakistan and alerted that there will be a bomb blast in Kerala at around 7:00 PM. The Unknown said that he belongs to 'Mujahuddin' group.

Eventhough the caller said that the call is from Pakistan, it has been traced out that the call was made from the 'Internet'.

Kerala is on High Alert. The security has been tightened in all the sensitive and major places.

Is this the call to alert or to divert the officials to some other place and carry on the blasts at some other state? Only the time has answer!!!

How to handle with the situation?

The citizens shouldn't be panic

Everybody needs to be alert and should inform the police immediately in case if any suspicious things are seen, and help the police to handle the situation

Its advisible to not to go out of the house unless going out is very urgent and important

Saturday, July 26, 2008

If you find some time out of your busy schedule please go through this article. The moral of these 2 practical problems can be applied in our day-to-day life. I feel it will be of much more Importance to us in our Professional Life as well as Personal Life.

Case 1:When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found out that the pens wouldn't work at zero gravity (ink won't flow down to the writing surface). To solve this problem, it took them one decade and $12 million.

They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C.

And what did the Russians do...?? They used a pencil.

Case 2:One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the case of the empty soapbox, which happened in one of Japan's biggest cosmetics companies.

The company received a complaint that a consumer had bought a soapbox that was empty. Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, one soapbox went through the assembly line empty. Management asked its engineers to solve the problem.

Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soapboxes that passed through the line to make sure they were not empty. No doubt, they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent a whoopee amount to do so.

But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the same problem, he did not get into complications of X-rays, etc., but instead came out with another solution. He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line. He switched the fan on, and as each soapbox passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.

Moral:Always look for simple solutions. Devise the simplest possible solution that solves the problemsAlways focus on solutions and not on problems. So at the end of the day the thing that really matters is – How one looks into the problem. Only those who can see the invisible can do the impossible.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Exactly after the 'Black Friday', the day after 9 Serial Bomb Blasts, today (July 26, 08) One Live Bomb heas been found near the 'Forum Mall Junction' , Koramangala (Near Police Check post).

Immediately the police and national bomb diffusing squad arrived at the location and diffused the bomb. The police have blocked the roads of Forum Mall and diverted the traffice from the roads of Koramangala and Hosur.

The police has got the information at around 10:30 am in the Saturday morning which helped to diffuse the bomb before it explodes.

As per the police commissioner, Mr. Shankar Bidri, the suspected bomber was wearing the red T-Shirt and is of 25 years old.

It will be good it the people be more alert and careful. Today its being a weekend, there will be a huge crowd in the malls and multiplex theatres and the more traffic too. Hence its very important of each and every citizen of Bangalore to be alert and inform the police if any suspected items found.

One woman has been reportedly killed and about 15 injured in six serial bomb blasts that rocked the southern city of Bangalore today (July 25).

The first bomb blast took place at around 1:30 pm at the Madivala checkpost in the city, while the second blast has been reported from Mysore road. The Third blast has been reported from Ashoknagar area.

Telephone networks have been jammed following reports of blasts.

According to reports, gelatin stick could have been used in the 'low intensity' blasts.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Below are some of the funny, humurous Matrimony Profiles of Boys from different professions.

DOCTOR:

Recently a love-bug injected in me a strange bacteria, making me desirous of marriage. I'm looking for a girl who is patient and has knowledge of all ills and pills, is religious minded and keeps away from all sins be it anasin, metasin or crosin. I promise to be a good doctor with no side effects. Apply or reply.

I hereby beg to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of husband after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord, i.e., Myself. Any objection would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in confidence and if you have the confidence.

BANKER:

Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.

Drunker:

Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a soda factory. I am an occasional alchoholic who drinks only when friends come home. Friends come home only seven times a week. Girl preferred will carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally or send soda for trial. Sample should be ample.

CAR MECHANIC:

Wanted a sturdy wife. Should be in working condition. Should be above average and must run the household at a good average.

SOFTWARE ENGINEERS:

Wanted a Girl with a Lovely Look & Feel, Good GUI with Security features(privileges only for the Specific User especially critical Functionalities). There must not be any Critical or Medium Bug in her. Low Bugs can be deferred But needs to be fixed by the Next Build. She must _NOT_ be PLATFORM INDEPENDENT or USER FRIENDLY. We are ready to Test the Application & CERTIFY the product but we will assure it will never be released to ANY OTHER Customer.

What is your opinion about Marriage? Below are the opinions of some renowned great personalities. Do read them.

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.Dumas

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."Henny Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."Patrick Murray

1st year students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, 'In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The 1st is that you are not disgusted by anything involving the human body.' For example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. 'Go ahead and do the same thing,' he told his students.

he students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them calmly and told them, 'The 2nd most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention...'

Friday, July 18, 2008

Worlds 1st "Pregnant Man", Thomas Beatie, the 'Transgendered Man' gave birth to a "Baby Girl" on June 29, 2008

Today's 'Thomas Beatie' was called earlier as 'Tracy Lagondino' — a plain old, “Hawaiian Lesbian”. Grew up in Hawaii as a girl but later legally changed to a male identity, took hormone shots and had his breasts surgically removed, but kept his female reproductive organs because mum-of-two Nancy (His wife), 46, had a hysterectomy in the 1980s. Beatie became pregnant using donor sperm and artificial insemination.

Earlier Images of Thomas when he was a Hawaii Girl.

Speaking weeks before the birth, Beatie described the unborn child as "Our Little Miracle".He added: "Wanting to have a biological child is neither a male nor female desire but a Human Desire. I will be my daughter's father and Nancy her mother."

Ramya was about to leave office after finishing her work. She got a call from her husband Anantha Krishnan

RAMYA: "Hello, yes AK".AK: "Ramya, can you open my gmail and get a print out of the mail from that Singapore consultant? I forgot to take it in my office"RAMYA: "Yes, I can, I need your password"AK: "jeni22091980"RAMYA: "Ok fine"

She takes the print out and logs out. Some thought struck her mind suddenly.JENI happens to be his college mate. Hmmm...

She decides not to discuss this with AK. She simply opens her mail box and changes the password from "mohan143" to "Anantharamya" and leaves for home!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Hi Friends, here is one cute Love Story which I got through mail, which I would like to share with you all. Do you have 3 minutes? Otherwise comeback again when you have time.. Read till the end. Am sure it touches your heart. Here the story goes..

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She is my first and the only love till this point. Her name is Nivedita, a Software Engineer by profession. She is turning 24 shortly and she is undoubtedly the most beautiful girl on earth. I made it a point to share my feelings today with her, hoping this letter would do it all. I have not written any letters in my life till now, and this is perhaps the first time I pen down my thoughts and expectations for the person I love the most on earth.

It's been 4 years since we met each other and a strong bond has grown between us through these years. I was unaware of her love for a long time. In fact, I hadn't spoken a word with her till about a year I had seen her for the first time. It was in one long journey in train, I understood her love for me. It happened a year ago.It was a trip from Kanyakumari to Chennai in Kanyakumari Express. We had passed Vizhupuram and it was 3 am in the morning. I thought I was the only one who was awake in the whole compartment in that early hour. But to my surprise, she was also awake.I didn't know then that it was for me she had got up that early. Hardly had she seemed to move her sight away from me. She smiled at me very often and every time I encountered that cute smile, I started eagerly awaiting the next battle with her smile and shining eyes. Her smile had everything in it, the story of unbelievable affection, care and what not.

From that moment, till now, I too have loved her to a great extent. We have never exchanged words about the love we have towards each other, but words are too less to reflect the amount of affection and love we share. I have always thought that the love would remain throughout our life and it happened to be the same till 3 months back.

Vivek had come into my life 3 months back. In fact I myself had waited his arrival for quite a long time, but from the moment he arrived, he has been the worst enemy in my life. Nivedita and he had grown close over times, and the fraction of time she spent with me got lowered to a great extent. Even the latest Sensex fall would be less compared to the fall in her affection for me.I have wondered how it could suddenly happen, after near to four long years of understanding and love amidst us. At times, I have felt like killing that guy Vivek, but I have not had that much strength or braveness to do that. Still, what can he do? He did no mistake to his part, except for being born charming, cute and fair.

Two days before when I saw her, she was feeding food for him and I was hurt to the core on seeing the incident. My anger had boiled down to tears, and I broke. It took almost close to three hours for me stop crying, I felt I had cried more than how much I would have cried when I was born.

I have been trying to understand where it all went wrong, but to my fortune, till now, I haven't been able spot it out. Once for all, I decided to tell all my feelings to her, no matter how she is going to deal with it. I have heard my dad saying a lot of times 'Something is better than nothing!' and I made up my mind to do 'something'.

I fixed today to be the 'DATE' for throwing open in front of her the 'TALE' of My Pure Love for her. I don't know whether I will get a positive response from her, but I pray God that only the best happens.

Trrrrriinnnnnnggggg...

My school bell has rung. The lunch break is over. My 'UKG' classmates would be ready to welcome me with the same cute smile as ever.

I hope my 'MOTHER' Nivedita will be alright, understands me and shares some time with me also, apart from that she spends with my 3 months old rascal 'BROTHER' Vivek.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Have you got any mail with the subject " Security Alert!: Multiple failed logins on Internet Banking Module " from 'Axis Bank '? Then be very careful. Read this article very carefully as the mail you have got is of Phishing Site

Even one of my friend has got the similar mail. Here I am posting the mail along with the contents for your reference. Later I will show you how you too can identify that the mail was from Hacker referencing to the phising site.

Here is the content of the mail-----------------------------------------------------

Security Alert:The security of your identity and personal account information is extremelyimportant to us. We are upgrading our Online Security as an additional wayof protecting your account and reducing the instances of fraud on our website.Our Enhanced Online Security access will allow AXIS BANK Online security team to verify your identity from your computer anywhere you bank online. Your online account access information's would be recognized and you will be notified through SMS that you have signed on to AXIS Online Banking. This Two-way processensures that both parties are confident of each other's identity. Every customer that uses AXIS Online Banking access will be required toactivate his or her Two-way Online Security.

Accounts Management As outlined in our User Agreement, Axis ® Bank will periodically send you information about site changes and enhancements.Visit our Privacy Policy and User Agreement if you have any questions.

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Here is the image of the email

Now give a closer attention to the URL (website address) provided in the mail

From the above image you can see that the URL mentioned is'h ttps://www.axisbank.com/security/activate=page'. Make a note that there is gap between 'h' and 't' of 'https'. And the very interesting part is that when I took my mouse over the link, the actual address to which the url was pointing, was shown in the 'Status Bar' of the browser and the URL was "http://axis-update.net/index.php?bank=www.axisbank.com". This URL is totally different than the one mentioned in the mail. This is the 1st observation to identify whether the mail is from the bank or from hacker.

When I clicked on the url immediately my Firefox Browser alerted me saying that this is the phishing site, as shown below in the image.

This is the 2nd and most important observation to identify whether the site is geniune of phishing site.

Here, I was lucky as I was using the 'Firefox Browser' and it showed me that the site is a fake, but what if you are using some other browsers? (Readers, if there are any utilities for Opera and Internet Explorer browsers to identify the phishing, kindly let me know by adding in comments).

So whatever the case it might be, be very careful whenever you get such a mails.

Word of caution: Don't think that it doesn't matter you, incase if you don't have an account in 'Axis Bank'... There are chances that you may get similar kind of email, fake email, related to your bank account like 'ICICI Bank', 'SBI Bank', 'HDFC Bank', 'Corporation Bank', 'Vijaya Bank', 'IDBI Bank'.. etc..

So never ever try to disclose your credentials.. None of the banks will ask you to do so.. Be Aware.... Try to educate your family and friends too....

Thursday, July 10, 2008

A truley amazing event on video showing The invasion of 'Christmas Crabs' or 'Red Crabs', near North West to Australia

Once a year, between october and december, more than 150 million red crabs travels to the island beach with females lay eggs and males fertilize them. But their chrismas stroll takes through city streets, stores and schools leaving little room to the human inhabitants.. They are literally everywhere. You just can't walk without stamping them or drive a car without riding on them. According to the estimation, motorists kill approximately 2 million red crabs a year.

Oh god, I just wonder how the people and kids live there amidst so many Red Crabs.. Ohhhhh.. Terrific.. Won't they bite them?