Flashy enfant terrible of the figure-skating world Johnny Weir is many things. A powerful skater, a provocateur, a fledgling commentator, a fashion icon, a dog owner. (He has some sort of dog, doesn’t he?) But it seems he is not the marrying kind. Or rather, he was, but now he’s not anymore. This is all an elaborate way—there is only an elaborate way with Johnny Weir— of saying that Weir and his husband of two years, Victor Voronov, have split. No official divorce yet, but a separation. So that’s too bad! Weir had been doing so well lately, picking up a new burst of fame from a well-liked gig doing commentary with Tara Lipinski in Sochi and everything. Though, maybe that’s what caused the split?

TMZ is doing its part to add some speculation to the story, saying that Voronov was fed up with how little he’d been seeing Weir lately, like twice in the past month or something. Supposedly they were going to take a big, let’s-save-the-marriage vacation together, but then Weir couldn’t because he was too busy, so that was it. Aw, man. You shoulda just gone on the damn vacation, Johnny. That could have fixed it! I mean, with straight marriages it’s easier. If a straight marriage is failing, you just have a kid. That always works! Just get pregnant and watch your troubles melt away as you form a sudden and not-at-all precarious bond around your child. But with gay couples, it’s a little trickier. I mean, you could adopt, but that’s a lot of work and time and money, when what you really want is a quick fix. I guess that’s a vacation, then. Or they could have bought a house! I’ll bet that would have worked super well. Buy some property, undertake a huge renovation maybe, and sit back as your marriage just works itself out. But they didn’t do that, and now it’s over.

Well, over for now. Maybe they’ll work things out. Stranger things have happened. But if it doesn’t, if they do end up splitting up for good, who might Johnny Weir find himself with next? It’s too soon for that now, obviously, but down the road a bit. What sort of fellow is a good match for one John Garvin Weir? Voronov was the down-to-earth lawyer we all thought he needed, but maybe someone wilder is a better fit. Or, like, fake wild. What if Johnny Weir and Adam Lambert became a thing? Could the world handle such a pairing? Or what about Johnny Weir and Mika? Symphonies of sparkle announcing them wherever they went. It could be interesting! What I’m saying is that he shouldn’t worry about doing OK Cupid or Tinder or Scruff or whatever. We’ll come up with someone for him. He can just relax. [TMZ]

I’m afraid that we made a mistake. Last week we thought that Alec Baldwin was leaving New York following his New York magazine “Leave Alec Baldwin alone!” article and some remark he made about selling his house in the Hamptons that Page Six picked up on. But we were wrong. We misread the tea leaves. Baldwin is selling his house, but he just bought a new one. Page Six says that he bought a new home in East Hampton, which probably means he’ll be around for a while. So, board up your windows, folks. Blood your doors, so when he passes through town he’ll skip your house. Or you can always seek shelter at Ina Garten’s compound. Though she has had Baldwin over to her house on her show, she will keep you safe. That is Ina’s great duty and sworn oath as a host. She must provide hospitality to anyone who seeks it.

Those of us in New York City? Well, for the time being, we might be spared. This is just a house in East Hampton. No word yet on what’s going on with his Manhattan home, so for now I think we can operate under the assumption that he has indeed left the city. Luckily we have Page Six to keep track of his every move. Where is Alec Baldwin right now, great oracle? Tell us! The truth is, Page Six doesn’t want Alec Baldwin to go anywhere. If he leaves, what are they going to write about? So while they took an arch tone when talking about this East Hampton purchase, of course they were giddy with excitement. Alec Baldwin is here to stay! And so Page Six spies remain hidden behind shrubs at various Hamptons fundraisers, waiting eagerly for something to happen. [[Page Six](http://pagesix.com/2014/03/19/alec-baldwin-whines-about-living-in-ny-buys-hamptons-home/0]

Is Sean Penn baby-proofing his home because Charlize Theron is planning to move in with her young son? The Daily Mail seems to think so, running an aerial photo of the actor’s home that shows a fence around the pool. Which, O.K., could be a sign that Penn is preparing for Theron and child to move into the home. Or just a sign that they visit often enough. Or that he has other friends with small children. Or that he himself has fallen into the pool one too many times and he finally decided to do something about it. It could be there for any reason! They haven’t been inside the home and looked around and seen other baby-proofing measures or anything. So this is all wild speculation. Though, I wonder, what would Sean Penn baby-proofing his house look like? Foam on the corners of all the ashtrays? A baby gate in the doorway of the room that’s full of all the old rusted metal? I realize I probably have a really outdated idea of who Sean Penn is in his private life, but I’d imagine that baby-proofing his house is pretty, pretty difficult. But the pool is a good start. That’s an important one. So even if that’s all he’s done, he’s still done a good job. [Daily Mail]

Would you like to see a picture of Britney Spears’s sister’s wedding cake? Well, luckily People magazine was founded in 1974, so 40 years later you could see exactly that picture. There’s also a picture of the groom’s cake, but who gives a hoot about that. The wedding cake is interesting. It looks a little uneven, but that’s kind of the look they were going for, I think. A shabby-chic wedding cake, I guess you could call it. The point is, Jamie Lynn Spears is married now, so we can all move on to someone, something, somewhere else. That story is mostly over. Not that someone getting married is the end of their story—just look at Johnny Weir—but the whole thing with Jamie Lynn Spears for the past five or so years had been about the baby and how young and single she was blah blah. But now she’s a married woman with a kid. That’s all. So I think we can give her a wave goodbye and stroll off down the lane and head somewhere else. That’s all. Goodbye, Jamie Lynn! And good luck! [People]