Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Daniel Pierce for sending in today’s report from Portland, Oregon where officers responded to a report of a man stealing wire from an electrical box. Upon questioning, our bozo gave the cops a fake name that came back with an arrest warrant. Seeing things weren’t going well he tried to escape by jumping into a nearby river. Unfortunately, his swimming skills were lacking and, after a few moments of floundering around, he headed back to the safety of the bank, where he was quickly taken into custody.