If you're anything like me, nothing will stop you from running up the stairs as soon as you've tapped your oyster, but while that is pretty easily done, coming back down is much tricker.

I can count on my hands the number of times I haven't feared for my life heading down the stairs for my stop the second the bus driver hits the brakes.

Children in London learn the trick soon enough but if there are no double-deckers where you grew up, you'll soon be caught out. Better off sticking with the old people and babies on the bottom floor. For your own good.

2. Don't jump the queue.

There is a whole procedure you have to follow when you get to the bus and while its not always strictly single file, check yourself before you go pushing in line.

And to make matters more confusing, a lot of the time people don't even stand in a queue but you have to make a mental note of the order in which people arrive at the bus stop to help keep the order.

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Don't pretend you've never wondered what on earth those people are doing. When you've seen them waiting 5 minutes for a bus that drops then a 3-minute walk down the road.

Maybe it's just my acute mistrust of strangers, but I've never understood it.

4. It is okay not to want to sit next to someone

Okay this is controversial, and I'm ready to admit this can be super annoying, but it is totally fine to want two seats to yourself.

Just try to imagine how creepy getting a bus would be if it was packed tightly at one end and absolutely empty at the other. There are rules though.

You can only keep one item on the seat, like a coat or bag. If someone asks, they have forsaken all that is British about them so please try to help and finally if the bus starts filling up, free up the seat.

5. It is not okay to launch a territorial war because somebody sat next to you

Bus users just want to get where they're going without too much drama. So if someone does sit next to you when you didn't want them to just accept it.

Nothing is worse than sitting down on their thigh, them refusing to give you space, monopolising window space.

It's 2019 London, sort it out.

6. Manspreading

We all know what this is and we all know it is not okay. Ladies I can assure you, blokes don't need their knees a metre apart.

Not much more light needs to be shed on this. Guys, ask a loved one if you're a manspreader and take immediate action.

No manspreading is actually an official rule on Madrid's city buses (Image: AP)

7. Always say thanks to the driver

Say hello to the driver when you get on and say thanks when you get off. That's just a rule of the bus.

I've had my fare share of miserable bus drivers, trust me, but it might just make their day or you might just have a nice chat.

8. You're bound to sway

Not all bus passengers can be described as 'zen', but the most regular bus users know how to handle the topsy-turvyness.

You have to be at one with the bus, and move with the sways, as that is the only true protection. Try it out tonight, it's much more comfortable than the wide-planted feet stability method which can look silly if you're over 14.

9. London is beautiful

Riding the bus, especially on the top deck, can give you an elevated look across your neighbourhood, helping you see more details you'd normally miss.

Obviously there are some central London routes with a major attraction every other stop.

But next time you're riding down your high street, look up at the buildings and see some of the beauty you had never cared to notice before.

10. If at first you don't succeed, give up

If you jump on a busy bus and your contactless card or oyster isn't working just call it and leave.

I know you really want to get home and its freezing cold, but it's just not worth it. If you're very keen, puppy dog eyes aimed at the driver can sometimes do the trick, but you didn't hear it from us.

11. Stop saying "it's like London buses"

We've all heard the saying, and yeah it is often very true. But it no longer applies to buses exactly.

In the smartphone era, there is no excuse for you to spend half an hour at a bus stop because they are almost all live tracked and that information is easily accessed from your phone or online.

12. Don't lean on the windows

One of our reporters learned this the hard way when she fancied a nap, rested her head on the window and woke up to "my brain vibrating out of my head".

Take it with a pinch of salt but I shan't be risking that.

13. The night bus is a warzone

No advice, just keep your head down. The night bus can be dangerous.

I once rode a night bus where a woman tried to convince me to get myself an designer jacket using her ex-Boyrfriend's paypal, so they can be dangerous even if you aren't on board.

14. Nobody wants to hear how well you did with the 'hopper fare'

This might just be my friends, and I am really proud of them for their economical use of public transport, but don't bring up your route at the pub.

I know you "smashed it" going all that distance for £1.50 but Tube passengers have been able to do that ever since the Tube so maybe dial it down hun.

15. Never be tempted to ride the whole bus

If you're in one of those situations where you live near a bus route that ends up in a totally different part of London, don't be tempted to ride it.

Buses crawl and stop a lot and London is packed with red lights so you're not really going much faster than walking pace.

16. 'Drive' the bus whenever possible.

There is a spot on the top deck where you are sitting directly above the driver and there are often no seats behind you, just the stairs.

Take advantage of this and pretend you're driving the bus, because it is wild how close the bus gets to signposts, traffic lights, trees and all manner of dangerous items and you don't actually have any control over the bus.

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Technically, there is a method behind the seemingly entirely random allocation of numbers but I won't pretend to understand it.

Some are names after traditional routes, some are named for where they go and some are named for the function they serve.

The modern number 1 bus is based on one of the first ever motorized bus routes in London, more than a century ago. It now goes from Canada Water to Tottenham Court Road.

18. Where is the most tactical seat to avoid drunks?

This is hotly debated and everyone has their own take. Some opt for upstairs at the back, hoping that nobody drunk would able to reach there.

The opposite tactic also has merit, sit on that weird seat against the back of the window right behind the driver. You will see every drunk that gets on but they cant really hang around so they are someone else's problem.

19. You can't use coins anymore

It turns out a surprising number of people don't know change is not accepted anymore (looking at you baby boomers who haven't got your free bus pass yet).

Gone are the days a snotty kid got on with a shed-load of 2ps or when some bigger boy would wave a £10 note around knowing full well the bus driver won't have it.

20. Missing the stop

This is actually the most painful thing. You're at the top at the back, minding your own business, your music is playing (in your ears of course, not on speaker) and you can relax, until you suddenly see your stop on the screen and you have to do the 'gangwalk of shame'.

Get live updates on public transport and what the roads are like near you by entering your postcode into our handy widget below.

21. Remember the bendy buses?

London hates the bendy bus and thankfully we don't have to see them all over the place anymore.

West Londoners suffered particularly with the bendy buses starting in 2001 between Shepherd's Bush and Uxbridge.

Boris vowed to replace it and now he's the Uxbridge MP.

We're bound to have missed out on so many, so let us know what realisations you've come to about Lodon's buses in the comments.