Man Has Four-Inch Fork Removed From Inside Penis

We passed out when we read this story, so forgive us if we keep it brief. A 70-year-old man tried to get off by shoving a fork up his penis.

**And for the love of all things that are holy, DON'T read the full report from the International Journal of Surgery Cases, which Huff Po says includes a "terrifying, graphic" image of the fork's removal. We couldn't tell you how graphic it is because WE WILL NEVER LOOK AT IT. Some things you can't unsee.**

Fortunately, the report says the fork was successfully removed using forceps and "copious lubrication."

According to the report's authors, this isn't the first time that a man has attempted to insert a foreign object into his nether regions. Pens, safety pins, telephone cables, glue, cocaine, straws, marbles, light bulbs, carrots and snakes, among other strange things, have allegedly been found stuck in penises in the past.