total: 2050. a bit high. but not too high. :) what can i do? it's better than a binge. right now i'm just trying to be healthy. i know i'll be upset come the wedding in a month...with how i feel, but i'd rather just have a sorta healthy day than trying to eat too little and then binging. my focus now is to always have exercise in my day!

by the end of the summer, my goal is to be able to walk AT LEAST 12 MILES AT A TIME!

exercise: 3 mi at the park was nice!

Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

Donkey on 03/23/2009:
((hugs)) I can so relate. I'm eating a lot more too, to avoid bingeing. It dawned on me today just how much I'm eating, yet I seem to be hungry most of the time. When I feel "munchie" I reach for carrots. So it's not like I'm reaching for chocolate bars. But sheesh, that's a lot of food. It bothers me. I don't know if it bothers you, but maybe we shouldn't think about it too much.

I think exercise goals are the way to go anyway. I think you're doing great. I know the stress is a lot to carry around with you. Please know that I really look forward to your diary entries. :-)

adding more healthy fats/oils to my diet has definitely improved my skin. if any of you have acne problems, try it. olive oil on your salads, almonds. it will help. and i've been drinking more water as well. those two things really do help.

breakfast: bran/milk: 110

snack: pretzels (yeah, weird) was before my walk and it did give me energy. 220

large snacks over a period of time: almonds 160, grilled veggies w. olive oil (an entire quart size of them):

hahaha, had 6 large cookies and ice cream with grandma. but the day doesn't end terribly bad. i'll have about 2250-2300. tomorrow will be a little lower if these go as planned and i also intend on some healthy exercise tomorrow and the rest of the week for that matter! :)

loveray on 03/22/2009:
i hope you had a great weekend. looking forward to chatting with you soon!! love love

starfish on 03/22/2009:
looks like you are having a great day :-) I totally agree with you about the healthy oils and water.

Umpqua on 03/22/2009:
I know it is so hard to avoid those processed foods. Looks like you're doing a great job. And healthy fats with plenty of natural oils really is the way to go. Took me a long time to figure that out, but in my opinion if you go for smaller portions of the good fats it will fill you up and keep you much more satisfied than a lot of the "diet" foods that aren't at all substantial.

i'll be kind to myself and guestimate that my calories are 2200. if they are over, it was ALL healthy stuff at dinner. even though it was a lot of food (buffet, tons of seaweed salads and other awesome japanese foods). had a good time with friends.

granola bars: 180 during my 6 MILE WALK! first time this spring! :) It was soooo wonderful. along the water.

protein bar: 230

total so far: 1390.

dinner: out for dinner but I should be able to control calories to 2200 without a problem...i will choose healthy items at a sushi buffet place. lots of fish and veggie salads, etc! :) should be fun. NO DESSERT except coffee.

Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

Donkey on 03/21/2009:
OK, I'm just throwing this out there, but I would think that working 2 days a week for school would actually be helpful because it would add some structure and organization to your summer weeks. Yes? No? I'm just saying, because I always do better when I have at least a little structure to my time. It's when I'm open and empty and bored or restless that I start having problems.

Plus I'm confused. You say you'd be working clinicals but you would have class and tests. Yet later on you say that you're going to be worrying about having tests. So??? Which one is it?

I notice that whenever you have some conflict, whether you allow yourself a day off to study or they change the schedule on you or what, that seems to lead to a huge binge. Do you notice this too?

I see 2 ways to handle this: Accept it for now, as a way to cope with stress, knowing that things will be different once school is over. OR decide to deal with it now and get some help, because the longer it goes on, the harder it will be to tackle later on. Especially if you keep using food as a way to cope with conflict, anger, and other unpleasant emotions.

Maria7 on 03/21/2009:
Is there a dietician at your school that you could seek counsel with about the binges? Just a suggestion cause one time a dietician was helpful in counseling me.

today was full of temptations. then, after school, i had a TON of fast food. like, 3 different items at each of these places: burger king, dunkin donuts, and mcdonalds. i had multiple items from each place. i am no longer being strict obviously with low carb.

yeah, i have an emotional eating habit that i'm having huge difficult defeating.

my teachers want to have only 1 month in the summer without classes (meaning, only clinical) instead of both july and august. that's not cool with me. i NEED those two months. they will help me get fully back on track (or at least i think one month would be better than two). although we wouldn't have class and tests, we'd be responsible to show up each day and "work" in the hospital like we do now on tuesdays and thursdays. i was kinda looking foward to the two months because a lot of my friends are teachers and i wouldn't have to worry about when i was going out or having tests. i was looking foward to having a good summer! since my class is the last class before the school closes, the teachers are thinking of teaching things around.

5,000 cal today?

3.5 miles walking, after my binging, at the park. i look pretty gross right now. at least 140 if not more.

Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 03/20/2009:
Sounds like you're under a lot of stress. Hope you get to feeling better.

nimony on 03/21/2009:
One step at a time. Take one small area you want to work on, and start working on it. Seems like walking 3/3.5 miles is working for you. Maybe a goal can be to walk 1 more day a week, hence making exercise a new, lifelong habit. Someone suggested meditation. That's a very good idea. Helps keep us calm. I am in a similar situation as you, so I understand what you're going through. Be patient with yourself. Try to give yourself some down time each day, even if it's only a couple of minutes, time to think, reflect, and relax.

310 lunch (beans, almonds, tofu, diet sprite) maybe i'm getting sick of beans and that's why i'm binging...nah, i think it's because i'm nearing that time of the month...and i've been frustrated more than usual with school lately.

legcramps on 03/19/2009:
Does the organization where you take yoga also have meditation classes, or are you doing this already? I just wondered because it sounds like you're going through a lot right now and I really believe meditation helps to relax our minds! Good luck to you - hope things are getting better.

poker_paid on 03/19/2009:
Dunkin Donuts is delicious but I can't find their nurition info - the best I got was this "If you have any immediate Nutrition questions, please contact us at 800-859-5339"

We have the same taste in food - supreme nachos are so tasty! You WILL definitely get through it all.

calories for today are, grand total: 7,000.any progress i made in the last 2-3 weeks has been destroyed. back to square one. this is what i do...being a student has seriously destroyed me. the whole study thing really gets to me. yeah, that's an excuse which is a horrible one at that. look at all those med students, they study and do well and look great. yeah, gotta get my act together sooner rather than later. wait, it already is late!!! eh. i guess i won't look how i wanted to for this wedding. oh well. it's a month away now. i will keep exercising and everything of course.

went out for coffee with friends around 7pm last night and got back around 10pm. was exhausted and fell asleep trying to study. woke up around 4am bc my mind knew i should study lol and started, got hungry....had some food. fell back asleep. not going in today. taking a sick day to study. again. this will be my 3rd day off since September. But, i've already made one up by coming in during a vacation. I still feel guilty...and we should, for skipping out of school or work. but now i can study and get sleep. haha.

but i am happy i went out and had a good time rather than study. life is too short for me to always be so serious. i've already taken that approach in life. so now i have fun sometimes even when it's not the best choice. we have a test today, but i'll take it tomorrow. we have tests everyday except thursday this week, which is pretty normal in my program. so nobody could say "oh, you took off bc you didn't want to take the test" lol. bc we ALWAYS have tests.

k_luh on 03/17/2009:
haha... you are so honest. "believe me, i'm not done" As for the feeling guilty thing... DON'T DO IT! I have spent my whole life being the perfectionist. Perfect grades, best at this, best at that, never missed work, never made a mistake.. it took me a long time to understand that I don't have to feel guilty about missing work. I don't have to feel guilty for not being perfect. You DO deserve it.. if you need "me time" or study time.. you deserve it. This is your life, and its the only one you have, you shouldn't have to spend the whole thing working and no fun... it should be fun with a little work. :).. lol. Thats my plan at least. jk... anyway, thanks for being so uplifting on my page, I appreciate it. This past weekend is the worst Ive had in a long time, and needed that positive energy from someone :).

grumpy on 03/17/2009:
You are very very brave and honest. I would have a hard time doing a count like that for myself and for others. And I can assure you pretty much everyone in this website had/has days like yours at times.

I am glad you went out and had fun too. As for the days off, arent you allowed your vacations days? And 3 times in 6 months is not bad at all, you should take more time off, even.

I am doing this cleanse. Ever tried one? I think it could work as a "shock treatment" to stop from bad habits and start off new and it did help me with cravings before. Just an idea. I know it's not for everyone. But you're young and healthy and maybe something like that could help you break the cycle.

Maria7 on 03/17/2009:
I'm so sorry you are going through this...but happy for you that you are persevering in your chosen profession by getting the schooling. Only thing I can think of is either tell yourself when you have these binges (like I know what to say about a food binge) that you can have them but the foods must be low-cal foods only...I know...doesn't usually work... or either, keep having the binges and putting on the weight while you are in school and then resolve that once you finish school, then you'll work on getting back to your goalweight??? It isn't easy to stay on track when you are under a lot of stress...BUT IT CAN BE DONE.

hollybelle on 03/18/2009:
Something you said above rang a bell with me- the wedding! I have had a special event that I wanted to look good for (i.e. lose some weight) and set that as a goal. Only to discover (after this happening about 100 times) that this is a TRIGGER for me. I need to eat as I usually do and just go and be myself. If I try to set a goal of losing weight for a special event - for some reason I sabatage myself EVERY time. Don't know if that rings any bells with you but thought I'd mention it. :o)

dinner: tofu, greens, olive oil (many, many servings) 600 at least. i am in a pretty bad mood after today.

going to meet people for coffee. i won't give in to treats. gotta stay on track.

Progress as of today: -10 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 03/16/2009:
It is harder to resist overeating when I am with a group of people...somehow, I just seem to think everything is calorie-free, according to how I do. We are having a ladies' supper at our church soon and today, even though it is NOT on the agenda, I spent money buying foods to make a very large tray of fresh raw veggies...cherry tomatoes, baby carrots, celery, cucumber... then when I shared this information with a friend, who also plans to go, I was told that I should include a DIP, like salad dressing or something to dip the veggies in to eat them!!! What's the use of that??? We usually have (but not always) VERY HIGH-FAT FOODS that we ladies are SOOO GOOD at making at the monthly supper. AND I USUALLY BINGE OFF THEM, THEY ARE SOOOO GOOD!!! We all have a WONDERFUL time at the supper but how is it going to help if I bring a large tray of raw veggies and add the temptation (to myself) to add LOTS of extra cals with dip or dressing??? I wasn't asked to bring this...it was my idea so I and others who are watching calories can have a low-cal nice choice of food at the supper.

loveray on 03/16/2009:
usually i steam or broil them! i love them. i changed my dinner because i am in a carby mood. i need to really start watching myself...argh! xoxo

i binged. grandma's cookies ... all of those packaged crappy cookies...were irresistable. even though they aren't even good. so i at all of them.

calories are at least 3200...came home and decided to have the green drink i got earlier this week but still didn't drink (because i really don't like to drink calories except for protein shakes and forgot how much i'd rather NOT have a green drink lol)

so, calories for today are around the 3500 mark. eh. 1st day i have grains in a long time (probably something more like 2-3 weeks). i'll be back on schedule starting tomorrow though. it may be tough, but i'm ready. ugh.

loveray on 03/15/2009:
hi love. i hope you are having a restful night...i am having a lot of anxiety right now myself- and am hoping my breathing techniques will calm me a bit so i dont binge on anything tonight. i miss you. xoxo

Beth201P on 03/15/2009:
Hey...been there and done that myself many times. Just hang in there and start again tomorrow. ((Hugs)) Keep your chin up and take one day at a time.