Friday, February 27, 2009

Debut Tie. Brian Williams knots up a deep violet blue dotted Swiss cravat this evening, one that is notably sans dimple. It's a classic Casual Friday Tie, with its tres petite spots tightly and perfectly spaced, yet lending an air of breezy efficiency and snazzy informality. It's kind of like a young intern who wears Birkenstocks and an eyebrow piercing but can nail anyone on asset allocations and strike prices.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Brian reverts back to blah and boring Purple status with this solid silk tonight. The color is vivid enough--a saturated magenta--but I find myself uninspired. Worn with the Suspect Pajama Shirt, this tie was simply meh. Kind of like Muzak and meatloaf: certainly not enough to rant and rage about, but not worthy of kudos very often, either.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Narrow icy pink stripes with a nuance of lilac cross a midnight blue field in tonight's dramatic and lovely cravat. I think of an elegant soiree, with tuxedoed men twirling gowned women wearing satin and silk. A few couples, heady with champagne and romance, sashay out onto the terrace to gaze at the stars in the night sky while enjoying the scent of gorgeous pink climbing roses on the balcony rail.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Reporting from Washington D.C., Brian dons a cravat not seen in quite some time. The Report has missed this Crayola blue tie with petite charcoal grey kite shapes sparsely scattered upon its jacquard woven field. The overall effect is like a quiet and intense scene of French animation, perhaps of a child's funeral tribute to her dead grandpere: against a brilliant blue sky, petite Sophie releases a somber grey kite and, one by one, all the guests release a grey kite and all the kites slowly rise to the heavens in memory of Grandpere, the best kite-maker in the whole village. Fin.

Monday, February 23, 2009

For tonight's Forecast of Doom, dear Brian knots up both a Purple and a Stripe, this one a rich plum colour with widely staggered diagonals of ebony bordered by pristine pearl. It's all veddy, veddy British, this noble cravat, with its plumminess and jewelled tones, isn't it? It puts me in the mind of a terribly, terribly ornate yet masculine teacup one would buy for a quite wealthy and titled bachelor, a Lord Earlsworth-on-Haighsbury or something like that, who would observe the custom but not want something awfully girlish and all, what what?

Friday, February 20, 2009

* Even though Brian has not worn this cravat in quite a while, I have not yet forgiven him for its overuse last summer. I almost created a new category just for it, The Den of Ubiquity, relegating both this cravat and a few other overworn ties that I was weary of viewing to this Necktie Limbo of sorts. Since I am still holding a grudge (and since I missed a "live" viewing of the tie due to a dinner out), I beg your indulgence and offer up this Classic Cravat Critique from 31 October 2007:

Tonight, Brian wore a cravat of light indigo peppered with deep blue polka dots. It reminded me of the days when I used to hang my vintage Levis on the clothesline in my mom's backyard so they could fade naturally to the classic vintage blue. Some summer days, the heat would build enough that a passing shower would erupt, and I would run out and grab the jeans off the line as the raindrops darkened the denim here and there with spots of the freshwater that fell from the glowering clouds.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Brian has a few of these Country Calico-inspired cravats, and this one is by far the most florid. Its tomato red is sprigged with odd wing-shaped ivory bits, alternating small and large, almost looking as if they were little steam vents allowing the molten red to breathe so that it doesn't all explode in one bubbling, ketchuppy eructation.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Ah, La Cravate de Distinction! C'est magnifique! What a treat to see its bands of textured business-suit grey and satin baby blue. This tie is like catching a glimpse of a sexy slip under the staid librarian's sensible skirt, or seeing the hint of a Victoria's Secret cami peeking from the neckline of the middle-aged choir director's jacket at your church. The paradox is startling, but mysteriously alluring.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Deep violet raw silk is the cravat offering ce soir, and it will always get a nod of approval from Le Report. A purple this deep, this elegant is the muted basso of the cello in the capable hands of Yo-Yo Ma, the mellow scent of a wine cellar in October, the whispery hush of a velvet cape across the boards of the Globe.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Wow. This tie just keeps showing up and for the life of me, I cannot figure out why. Electric purple with iridescent, peacock blue (wait, no, they're mint green, no, now they're--just never mind) checks doesn't seem to be Bri's thing. Instead, this fabric is better suited to those sleeveless shifts worn by mod dancers doing the watusi and the monkey on shows like Upbeat . Perhaps all this tie needs to be understood is a pair of white go-go boots and some eyeliner.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Brian Williams goes strictly Ivy League tonight with this striped tie. Its scarlet field crossed by bold navy stripes bordered narrowly with white is a truly classic cravat. The color palette brings to mind letterman sweaters and varsity jackets on broad-shouldered, crewcut-topped young men strolling the Quad and lounging at tables in the Union, drinking Cokes out of big bulb glasses. Now and then, a girl wearing her hair in a flip or a pageboy would stop to flirt, then be on her way to class.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Midnight blue with pearlescent white stripes so thin that they could be called pinstripes is the offering this evening from Mr. Williams. What a celestial cravat! This tie reminds me of an astronomy filmstrip I viewed in elementary school when my teacher, the very cool and progressive Mrs. Edwards, bid us all lie on our backs as she showed it on the ceiling. The constellations were shown first on a dark blue night sky, then in the next frame, shiny white lines connected them, showing Orion's belt, Cassiopeia's chair, the Big and Little Dipper. Perhaps I will buy one of those star-naming kits and claim a piece of the sky for Bri's Ties.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

It is The Month Of Reprise here in February as Brian Williams knots up a cravat he just wore on Groundhog Day. (I shall spare you the ironic cinematic reference.) The smoky iced blue planted with rosy little posies is a lovely fabric for a skirted dressing-table and a matching bench with a tufted cushion. If the young lady's room were big enough, perhaps even a matching dust-ruffle or canopy for the bed would be nice, but in a small room, it would just be too much.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Oh, Brian. J'adore ce petit jeu que nous jouons. So very "cat and mouse" it is. I chide you a bit for your ostentatious cravat after une Debut tour de force, and within four days, you puckishly put it on again in all its glowing purplishness and narrow white striped glory. Are you trying to bait me into a Rant About Repeat Cycles, dearest? Que vous êtes bête ! I shall let this one pass and blame it on your preoccupation with The Stimulus Package, High-Speed Rail Development, and Infrastructure Repair. Le kiss.

Monday, February 9, 2009

You know how in the sitcom Bewitched, Samantha had Serena, her alter ego cousin who was the brunette version of her with more makeup and a sluttier, edgier attitude? Well, tonight, Brian's cravat--of dark Crayola blue with goldenrod stripe--made from an odd fabric with a vinyl-esque finish is sort of the Serena to the TWSNLBRAINDTM *. It's the Black Sheep Cravat--the one that ran away and Went Bad: you know, started wearing blue pleather hotpants and an ugly yellow halter top out there on the mean streets, showing its dimple for anyone with a little cash. Sad, really. Fashion gone wrong.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Here at The Report, we find ourselves in a quandary. Tonight's tie, lacking a tight closeup by the unusually stingy cameraperson at The Nightly, appears to be thistle overlaid by a magenta mesh pattern, a mistake almost made back on 14 January, the last time BW wore this selfsame cravat. Then, only a shockingly intimate lensing revealed it to be, in truth, sky blue with red. Do I report The Tie That I See, or The Tie That I Know It To Be? Ah, the vicissitudes of sartorial reporting!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

The Report is in denial with regard to le chemise de pyjama mystérieuse a la les stripes lately, which may or may not be two separate shirts. Either way, said shirt did not provide a suitable backdrop for this evening's tie. Being so distracted, I beg your indulgence as I pull forth thisClassic Cravat Critique from 10-27-08: If it's not striped, it's purple, and this one was the saturated raw silk solid red-violet one from Brian's Panoply O' Purples. It's very textured and deeply colored, so I can't get too annoyed with it. When I see it, I start thinking of melty grape popsicles that are just ready to fall off the stick and onto the hot sidewalk below, only because you've been wise enough to eat those last few bites bent waaay over, knowing that you're in a race against The Laws Of Physics themselves.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Alas! As Thomas Paine once said, it is only a step from the sublime to the ridiculous, and Brian Williams took that step tonight. After le triomphe that was last night's cravat, tonight's is certainly a misstep. Its vivid purple with jarringly white narrow stripes made me sigh repeatedly. All I could think of was how it could easily be the subtle uniform tie of a pharmaceutical salesman shilling for Advair, Nexium, Prilosec, or even Dimetapp...oh, any of the various purply medicines currently on the market. I could just imagine it being kept in place with a tietac made to look like an itsy-bitsy inhaler or a rather enlarged capsule, you know, just for fun. But not on America's number one newsman.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Debut Tie. Brian knots up yet another new tie this evening, stripes of baby blanket blue satin and textured flint grey. The contrast is at once startling and intriguing, like a carriage of Civil War belles, arrayed in ball gowns and tippets, but tucked in snugly under warm woolen blankets to fend off an unseasonable autumn chill. Their suitors can see but a glimpse of the hems of their colorful dresses before they cast off their coverings and, taking the hands of their gentlemen, reveal the bright plumage beneath.

(For those of you who want a little background music while you read this Report, click here and press "Play.")

Monday, February 2, 2009

Debut Tie. To begin the month, Brian surprises us with une cravate nouvelle. Belying the groundhog's dire prediction, this tie seems rather the harbinger of Spring, with its dusky sapphire field besprinkled with row upon row of rosy little circlet flowers. It's rather like a preteen girl's stationery, the kind with matching envelopes lined with a coordinated color in a lovely little box that even comes with a scented pen that invariably smells like raspberries or strawberries, and little stickers used to seal the envelopes. (But now I'm dating myself. Preteen girls don't use stationery anymore; they just engage in "sexting" on their cellphones, don't they? Sigh. They're missing out on the stickers....)

Why Aren't There Pictures Of The Ties On This Blog?

I have to chuckle every time I get this question--and I get it more than I care to admit.

Putting photos of the ties on my blog would then render my descriptions totally unnecessary and extraneous, would it not? Why then, would I need to describe them if you could just look at them? If you would, however, like to witness the Sartorial Splendour of Bri's Ties, you can always do what I do--watch the newscast! If you aren't home or can't eke out that time, then after 10 PM, you can go to the MSNBC.com Nightly News site and play the webcast.

Axis of Evil

What does "TWSNLBRAINDTM" Mean?

This strange acronym stands for Tie Which Shall No Longer Be Reviewed And Is Now Dead To Me. Brian wore it with such shameless frequency and it is such a boring, pedestrian tie (which spawned a series of ties with the similar color combination and stripes--always stripes!) that I have forever refused to describe it ever again. If you wish to read a description of this awful tie, you may refer to the 2/19, 4/18, 5/3, 5/10, and 5/15 of the 2007 Tie Reports. After that, I went completely over the edge and conferred TWSNLBRAINDTM status.