"The difference between Heaven and Hell is which end of the pitchfork you're on." - Rev. Sheldon DeWehr

"So I says to him, I says: "Look. Either we all come from monkeys or we're supposed to be like this, and I don't like it either way." And he says, "Ich verstehe nicht." So I killed him. - Rev. Dr. Chris Gross

"You do not fuck with a doktor unless he offers you the vaseline personally!" - G. Gordon Gordon

"I'm going to ask you to exercise glands you never knew existed." - J.R. "Bob" Dobbs

"I am a man who pisses largely and frequently. This, they say, is a sign of great mental activity." - Henry Miller