When You Have To Hit Up a Celebrity To Cover Your Shift

Five front of house managers and their celeb second-stringers.

March 28, 2018 ● 2 min read

By Richie Nakano | Image by ChefsFeed

Last week, actor Armie Hammer, star of the Oscar-nominated Call Me By Your Name (and also the star of the extremely terrible The Lone Ranger, sorry Armie), went to get a bite to eat.

At that very same moment, Halle Berry called for take-out. The lone person working in the front of house, in a very pro move, asked Hammer if he could "watch the place" while they made the delivery. When Halle Berry needs her take-out, you do what needs to be done—so he did. The guy left, and Armie Hammer sat, and watched.

Questions: was it really Halle Berry, though? Are we convinced Halle Berry would use her own name when ordering take-out? Anyway.

Tl;dr: this all made us wonder what other celebrities could fill in for the manager in a pinch. The answer is basically all of them, given the right circumstances.

The Overly-Friendly, By-The-Books Manager at Your Local Chili’s

They wear white New Balance sneakers, flat front khakis, and grill a mean burger. They know the employee manual by heart and think that the corporate orientation video is as informative as it is hilarious. They call people “champ” and “slugger” and think Big Bang Theory is a pretty neat show. Their playlist is mostly Ed Sheeran songs.

Celebrity fill-in: Ed Sheeran.

The Manager Who Drinks During Service

A conversation with this person goes something like, “yawn, check phone, yawn, scowl, yawn.” Dealing with people is a huge ask, so they start hitting the wine around 1 pm. By 6, they hit a crescendo of zippy jokes, hearty laughs, and enthusiastic compliments. By 9, they’re slurring their words, cussing at people calling in to-go orders, and saying things like, “See how long this place lasts once I quit—they will be SO SCREWED.”

Celebrity fill-in: Shia Labeouf.

The Manager Who Does the Very Least

They’ve been on the computer for like, four hours now but it's unclear what they’re actually doing. Their leadership style is mostly glancing around the room to make sure the place hasn’t burst into flames. When they get reviewed, they always score high marks for productivity and staying on task, but do they actually have any redeeming value?

Celebrity fill-in: Taylor Swift.

The Manager Who’s Always Eating Your Prep

“Heyyyy champ! What’s the haps on the ol’ craps? Put ‘er there big guy!” This overly familiar shtick wore thin about six months ago when you realized that this person has no idea what your name is. They cruise the dining room, getting a little too touchy with guests, and asking if there’s “anything special we can send out to table 11.” They walk onto the line, peering at all of the prep that you’ve slaved over all morning. After a hearty pat on the back, they steal a handful of croutons and several pieces of cheese.

The Fine Dining Manager Who Kind of Floats Around the Dining Room, But You’re Not Clear On What They Actually Do

They like, look good and seem important, kinda? Mostly they look sharp in their outfits and glide around the room. Do they do any actual work though? I mean there’s an army of people working under them that seem like they’re doing all of the heavy lifting. Maybe they’re just really good at delegating…