"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual." - Terry Pratchett, "Night Watch"

"An education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on." -Terry Pratchett, "Hogfather"

"There was a crash from the direction of the kitchen, although it was really more of a crashendo -- the long-drawn-out clatter that begins when a pile of plates begins to slip, continues when someone tries to grab at them, develops a desperate counter-theme when the person realizes they don't have three hands and ends with the roinroinroin of the one miraculously intact plate spinning round and round the floor." - Terry Pratchett, "Maskerade"

"The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair." -Douglas Adams, "Mostly Harmless"

"We are the music makers and the dreamers of dreams..."- Arthur O'Shaughnessy

"Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind."- Rudyard Kipling

"Be words of life in the midst of a world of words of death"- anon

Disclaimer

This is a general disclaimer for all of my stories. I do not own the rights to any recognizable characters/places/objects; merely the plots and any OCs I choose to work into the stories. All recognizable characters/places/objects belong to their various owners. Thank you, and good day. Also, I tend to use online translators for foreign-language speakers, and therefore apologize if I offend anyone. Help/corrections from native speakers are always welcome.

-AU, Part 2 of series- As their second year in Atlantis begins, Elizabeth finds herself drawn ever further into the mystery of the Phantom of Atlantis, while John finds himself constantly torn between what he has become and what he wishes to be...

The Stitches AU is a project to rewrite SG-1 in a series of fluffy ficlets, changing one very important factor: Jack knits. And somehow, magically, this hobby makes everything better. Eventual Sam-Jack pairing, a lot of Gen teamfic included. Plus Cassie.

Ryver/Michael Mentions of . Alteran:Harry. Clone:Harry Ryver . Harry must face the Galaxy and try to rebuild the strength of the Great Races while caring for his twin brother who has their destiny on Earth on his shoulders.

The Weyr prepares for the step of going public against the backdrop of heightening international tensions and increasingly complex personal issues. And is Britain really secure now that the Ministry has been conquered? Sequel to The Queen Who Fell to Earth. Harry/Hr/OCF

The Goa'uld are gone, the world is at peace and the history of the SGC is known by every schoolchild. Or is it? A once trusted friend is now the enemy while those left fight to stay alive and search for way to be free again.

Perhaps she had blinded herself to it, perhaps she had known all along. Either way, Helen Magnus had been afraid, terrified, of what she was feeling for Nikola Tesla. But will his resurrection change that? Helen/Nikola, rated T to be safe for later .

A fascinating ancient site causes tragedy for SG-1. Months later a rescue mission turns up a stunning discovery which will change the team forever. Starts in series 7 but Janet doesn't die. A bit dark in places! Jack/Sam ship after chapter 19.

Henry and Nikola are sent on a mission of utmost importance. Kind of. Not really. First attempt at crack-fic, crossover with Twilight. Pre-"Sleepers." Rated T for violence and some naughty expletives. :P

So how did Major Evan Lorne begin his association with the Stargate? With cautious enthusiasm, quiet bravado and a healthy dose of Lorne smarts of course! Again, pure Lorne, AU, following on from Uncle Evan. This is the last of the background stories.

Returning to life in the U.S. Evan faces new challenges, both personal and professional, as he comes to realise anew what it means to be part of a family. Again, pure Lorne, AU, and following on from Campaign Kandahar

Agent Eppes discovers treachery afoot, and high-ranking officials are implicated. Soon, the Brothers Eppes find themselves on the run and depending only on each other. Posting Ch. 37 of 37; now complete.

And if he knew one thing for sure, he knew that those pants were evil. In a mere 8 seconds they'd caused more havoc then the time Parrish and Lorne had brought home that sample of what they had come to semi-affectionately name: "Sexton." And with a name like that, it wasn't hard to imagine why...

Captain Cally Everet finds herself back on Earth after a device in the Atlantis labs does something drastic. She's without a team, without orders, and doesn't expect to go back. Will a new life beckon or will someone discover she's missing? Chapter 23 up

Daniel is left alone when Sam and Teal'c fail in their mission to contact the Asgard in time to rescue Jack from stasis in Antarctica. Alternate universe from Season Eight's New Order. Warning: Major character deaths

Humans fear what they do not understand. A member of Team Gibbs faces that fear when he discovers the truth about himself. Angst and humor in equal parts in this study of what it means to be human, and what it means when others question your humanity.

What do you do when faced with the prospect of having to escort your sister down the aisle? In Evan Lorne's case pretty much anything she asks! Mostly fluff with hints of some necessary plot, following on from Grand Tour. Pure Lorne AU background story

When Rodney makes a wish after Arcturus, he's whisked away to Sunnydale. With few options, he joins the Scoobies. But how much will fighting demons change him? StargateAtlantis/Buffy cross, Rodney and Xander centric. Might move to SG archives.

John Sheppard has saved Atlantis many times in the past ... when the tables are turned will the special connection he shares with the city be enough to save him? Fourth in my Sheplantis series, follows on from Time After Time.

-AU, Part 1 of series- As the expedition settle into Atlantis, Elizabeth Weir finds herself drawn into the mystery of the tale of 'the Phantom of the Ancestors', and begins to realise that her team and the Athosians are not alone inside the city...

Anyone else love the Leverage flashback moments? This is a vaguely continuous series of events, set during the end of season one, that features more of those amusing and fascinating moments. In chapter two- Eliot's first impression of Nate. No pairings.

Daniel is transported into the past, where he meets a Goa'uld like no other, one who will play an extraordinary role in history. Will Daniel's presence alter the course of that history or will it lead to something he could never have imagined? COMPLETE.

After Sunnydale collapsed, Buffy has rebuilt her life and is happy. Until tragedy strikes and her life is turned upside down once more, only this time it's on a much more personal level. Crossover with House MD, real family fic.

“I’m guessing she’s sitting on the counter next to you right now. Yeah, you’re welcome.” Billy makes a sacrifice to save Penny at the dedication, much to the confusion of those left behind. Billy/Penny.

AU. What if the Doctor had meet Donna at Henricks? What if Jack had ended up in the tardis on his wedding day and what if Rose was a flirty captain he'd picked up from the 1940's?. ON AN INDEFINITE HIATUS.

A mission on a Japanese influenced world goes awry and the team is exposed to a Goa'uld chemical of unknown properties. Back home emotions are starting to run high and when the team goes AWOL the SGC is left with a problem that goes beyond SG-1

Lt. Yancy didn't remember being on a mission, but she and Dr. Jackson were prisoners on a strange planet, and the rest of SG-1 nowhere to be seen. Early Season 7. Rated T for a few cuss words, light romance and slightly suggestive description.

INCOMPLETE, NO PRESENT PLANS TO CONTINUE - Inspector Jack O'Neill and his rookie partner Cameron Mitchell have seen and heard a number of bizarre things while patrolling the night watch. Steampunk AU, Daniel/Vala

Carson's a ghost in Atlantis, or so he thinks. No one knows he's there and he dosen't know how much longer he can last. And now what happens when a certain clone comes? No slash, strong friendship, slight emotional whump.

Nothing in the Universe happens just once. Infinity goes in both directions. There is no unique event, no singular moment" Temperance Brennan . Sometimes, a love is just to great to fit in one single life time. FINAL CHAPTER NOW UP!

A mad scientist obsessed with making Brennan his test subject kidnaps our favorite forensic anthropologist and invades her subconscious. Can Booth save her before it's too late? BB all the way, M for sexual situations in later chapters.

When an injured John Sheppard shows up at his door in the middle of the night, David Sheppard finds himself in the middle of a desperate adventure. Hunted by enemies and haunted by the past, can the two brothers survive in a world gone terribly wrong?

Separated from the team Sam and Jack's survival skills, sanity, and relationship are put to the test. Heavy S/J Ship, with high angst, hurt/comfort, adventure, and a touch of humor. Emotional ride but, NO major character death, NO graphic sex.

AU. What occurances of the past were enough to result in Brennan becoming a criminal in the present? And what if Booth was investigating both circumstances? B/B. T for safety. Sequel posted. Look for "Blind Rooster's Crow."

SPOLIERS.Stargate Continuum fill-in piece.Struggling with his loss and new life Daniel gets help from an unexpected source, suffering from phantom pain the line between reality and paranoia blurs. This is one of my fav stories: angst, blood, mystery...

"We already did," Sheppard almost growled. When a familiar face arrives with a warning Sheppard is forced to push his unique connection with Atlantis to the limit. Third in my Sheplantis series, follows on from Feelin' Hot Hot Hot and You Belong to Me.

The FBI always investigates deaths in our National Parks. NCIS always investigates cases involving Navy or Marine Personnel. What happens when those absolutes collide? Xover w/NCIS - but not the one you think. AU-Granger'Verse. Rated "M". COMPLETE!

K-9 series this one comes right after 'Thrown to the Wulves'. Sam and River are trying to work out their places when an unexpected visitor shakes the whole pack. Daniel angst, make that whole team angst, and a touch of J/S ship but just a touch.

Booth and Bones travel over to New Jersey for what seems to be a normal case. There they meet House and his team of experts. Can they solve the case with a sick Brennan and her past. House crossover. Booth/Brennan. Hodgins/Angela. Cameron/Chase.

“What if it had happened here? They wanted a ZPM, right? Well we've got more here in Pegasus than they do on Earth and more resources to get additional ones. Can you imagine? Thirty-four Rodney McKays?"

Imago: a creature in its final stage of development. John receives a gift that might be used to destroy the Wraith. It might also kill him. Can his team convince him that the cost is too high? Team plus Carson and Elizabeth “Tao of Rodney” AU

Jack is in a really bad mood...so who does the SGC turn to? Sam, of course! Fluffy But not too much so two-parter about our two favorite Air Force officers. Really just a fun story. Sam/Jack! No angst...just fun! TWOSHOT.

"Am I the only one worried about you?" Rodney asked. Sheppard's deepening connection to Atlantis offers unexpected solutions when a threat from within risks the safety of everyone in the city. Sequel 2 Feelin' Hot Hot Hot. Sheplantis, Shep whump

"Danger comes," the chorus of voices echoed in Sheppard's head, calling him back from the darkness. An incident at an Ancient outpost gives Shep the means to help the city when disaster threatens ... first in a series.

This was a bunny raised by Kristen999 and everybetty together. After a tragic accident, Sheppard concentrates on recovering while everyone else deals with the political hornets' nest it stirs up. Set S4. Team fic plus Lorne, Keller, Carter and Zelenka.

Why it's not exactly smart in Atlantis to discuss talking mice in front of Teyla, and why singing 'Once upon a Dream' to Colonel Sheppard gets you a one-way ticket back to Earth. Any warnings can be found on my profile.

[Spin off from end of season 3] Atlantis has been uprooted and moved, throwing everything into turmoil for its inhabitants, but they aren't the only ones affected. Two teams off world missed their check in and have dialed home to find...there's no answer.

When John is severely injured by an unusual weapon, it may be that only a family member can save his life. And that means David Sheppard must come to Atlantis...IF John's friends can convince him to do it. Now complete.

Alternate Universe. Project Atlantis is a top secret think tank located in the Pacific Northwest. Acastus Kolya, the project's second in command, has a secret agenda of his own and has acquired a new specimen he's eager to play with, John Sheppard.

Events that might have taken place between Trust Metric and Hollywood Homicide if they had taken place in our AU 'verse of the Cascade Granger Clan. The return of Chief Gigi and now you get to meet the rest of the clan! Now complete! Really! Honestly.

Two months after the Janus List disaster, the unthinkable happens. The team soldiers on, straight into a case that pushes everyone to their limit. Started off canon, ended up AU, and tied for the win - Gen/Case-Related - at the 2008 Numb3rs Awards.

Misadventures in Maliciously Misattributed Medication' On a routine training mission, Leonardo finds himself on the wrong end of yet another dart, and hijinks ensue. Also, Raphael is a jerk. Bad feng shui and spices enclosed. Concrit well received.

AU. Third in the Call of Duty Saga. Our favorite math geek CIA Operative is now fighting a battle with his greatest enemy... Himself. The path is long and painful, with more revelations and choices he will have to make.

Charlie thinks Don is coaching a girls' softball team, so he, Alan, and Don's team go to the rec center to cheer him on. To their surprise, Don is busy coaching them in something sweeter. Oneshot.Rated K. Nice story with kids.

COMPLETE Nightmares are the stuff of fear. They consume you, playing on your regrets and your grief. For Rodney McKay, nightmares are terrible. For Peter Grodin, nightmares are real… Grodin centric, season 2 AU from after 'Trinity' onwards.

AU. Our favorite CIA Operative is back at what he does best, saving the world, stopping the bad guys, and still finding time to grade papers. But all is not well because for Charlie Eppes, Heaven never lasts. Sequel to Call of Duty.

Don Epps had always though his baby brother was lousy at keeping secrets. Boy was he wrong. The NSA clearance wasn't the only thing Charlie's been hiding. AU and loving it. Conclusion up. Sequel in the works

[COMPLETE] With the city standing down after the incident with the entity, Grodin and Bates find themselves in command of the nightshift. But there are more things to go bump in the night, and one of them's in the same room...

Harry Potter never lived with the Dursleys, but was instead trained in the way of the Assassin Brotherhood. 3-way AU-fusion with Ubisoft's "Assassin's Creed" 'Verse and Philip Pullman's "His Dark Materials" 'Verse. Complete

Life is never easy for the Winchesters or their allies, especially when certain factions of Heaven and Hell keep sticking their noses into their business… Massively AU from end of Season 7 on. Sequel to 'Uncharted Territories'.

The discovery of a dead Petty Officer starts a long and harrowing investigation for a team in the Major Werecreatures Crimes Response Unit of the NCIS. The race is on to find who is behind the murder, and whether or not there will be more deaths. AU

"And when we get home, I know we won't be home at all/This place we live, it is not where we belong/And I miss who we were/in the town that we could call our own"; Written for the "Fork in the Road" challenge over at SGA flashfic on LJ.

The Leverage team has to pull a job on an enterprising media mogul/game show host. Eliot and Parker play the part of an engaged couple competing on the game show. HDM/Leverage fusion. Written for the AU Big Bang challenge over on LJ.

In a time of destruction, there are those who fight. They fight for their lives, their loves, and a world overrun by monsters. These are their stories, their dark ballads. Written for NaNoWriMo 2009. SGA/SG-1/Sanctuary x-over AU

Written for the AMTDI Aliens Made Them Do It Challenge over at sga flashfic on LJ. Pure and total Crack!fic. Don't read while eating or drinking. Complete. "Oh, God. I can't take you seriously in that hat."

Home is behind/The world ahead./And there are many paths to tread. Or, how a lost soul found its way home. Written for the "In Memoriam" challenge over at SGA flashfic on lj. AU, set sometime before "Vegas" in Season 5.

There was a snowball on my desk when I came in this morning. A /snowball/. In /July/.- Eliot finds out that certain crazy theives should never, under any circumstances, be allowed near caffiene. Total Crack!fic.

So, Rodney, how long have you had wings?" John asked, winning the McKay award for the Most Blindingly Stupid Question of the Year. Written for the "Inhuman Intelligence" challenge over at sga flashfic on lj.

Time passed differently here; what seemed like hours could very well be minutes on the outside, and vice versa.- Written for sga flashfic's "Skeevy Ancients" challenge. Now with Soundtrack! Set in my Sentient!Atlantis 'Verse.

Man... Judge of all things, feeble earthworm, depository of truth, a sink of uncertainty and error, the glory and the shame of the universe. - Blaise Pascal; Kavanagh!OCTeam fic. written for SGA flashfic with Antiphobia on LJ.

The words flow, a short message laid down in pen and ink that lay in stark beauty against the white of the paper. Spoliers for "Forever in a Day". Daniel/Riley friendship, pre-ship; part of the "Heart-shaped Box" 'Verse

Set Mid-Season 3. Summary: Team Mythos was founded four years ago. Comprised of top-level mathematicians, cryptographers, linguists, and mechanical engineers, its members have been on standby until a murder in LA hits close to home. Slight AU. Complete.

Inside, he winced at his seemingly traitorous brain that had decided to first turn his normally adequate speech skills into mush and then run off giggling madly to Tijuana. Lorne/OC preship. One-shot; part of the Corpus et Anima -Body and Soul- 'Verse.