The new $100 bill. For additional security, you can replace Benjamin Franklin with your own photo.

As you might know, this October the United States Treasury is planning to release a redesigned $100 bill into circulation. In order to protect the banknote from forgery, the redesigned bill will have multiple security features. Since it’s unlikely that many of us will ever have these notes in our possession (especially the American readers), it’s better to be prepared in advance to recognize whether the note is real in case one of these new bills does end up in your hands. Here are 10 of the security features of the redesigned $100 bill.

1) The new note has more colors than the old one, because, according to the FBI, few counterfeiters own color printers. The colors won’t fade even when this money is laundered.

2) Benjamin Franklin on the portrait will visibly roll his eyes whenever you ask to break this $100 bill at a gas station or a convenience store.

3) The bill has a Velcro strip that will help secure the banknote inside your pocket.

4) A section of the note will be in 3D. This section can be viewed with 3D glasses and $14.50 admission.

5) The sentence “This note is legal tender for all debts public and private” will include the following text in tiny letters “(Unless the Republicans fail to raise the debt ceiling in October)”.

6) Benjamin Franklin looks sadder than on the old $100 bill. The Founding Father will turn even sadder when the banknote is facing a computer screen or TV showing a video of Miley Cyrus’ performance at the Video Music Awards.

7) Just like the older version, the newly redesigned $100 bill will give you a distinct impression that you can buy less with it every year.

8) Phrase “In God We Trust”, also known as the Republican plan for improving the economy, will change colors when the note is soaked in holy water.

9) The bill will contain a tiny tracking chip, which, according to the Department of Homeland Security, is only implanted there to help you track your spending.

10) In order to decisively thwart counterfeiters’ efforts for years, the official release of the new $100 bill will be delayed until 2018.

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An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events.
(* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.)
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53 Responses to 10 Security Features Of The New $100 Bill

Indian government has an even more imaginative plan. Of letting the current depreciate rapidly. The rate at which it is depreciating, the existing notes will not be able to buy anything. Hence the government will need to keep printing larger and larger notes. By the time counterfeiters develop the technology, the note would have become worthless. It is a foolproof scheme. Has already been pioneered in a few African countries, one understands.

Yes, I even have a 100 Trillion dollar bill from Zimbabwe (alas, not American dolllars). So yes, the hyperinflation is very effective against the forgers. Unfortunately, that the only thing the quickly depreciating money is usually good for.

#6 is my fave without a doubt on this one..I’ve too many thoughts on the porn act that Miley performed to even go into it right now in full..But I’ll say this that anyone who found it sexy; is twisted. I don’t mind a good “adult” show done with taste (& a plot! maybe thats cause I’m a woman but it has to have a plot) but to watch someone with the body(& face) of a young, young girl(no hips, tiny breasts, and for sure no booty) in a seductive “act” is less than sexy to me..I care less how old she is in actuality, she has the body of a 9 yr old. Anyways said I wasn’t going to go into it..

And truth be told I don’t recall the last time I held a $100 bill in my hands..I think thats true even for my friends who make 6 figures a year..So you’re so right on that point. 2 thumbs UP & always a pleasure to read your thoughts*

Berna, I started writing a response to your comment about Miley Cyrus, and instead it developed into a full-size post. So thank you for inspiring me yet again, and I’ll post the link once the post is up (I’m not yet sure where it will be, but I don’t want to take over your blog twice in the month 🙂
I might have held a $100 bill in my hand in the past year, and I’m not sure I remember how it looks exactly. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that 70% of all the $100 bills are actually outside of the US.

Yeah, but I kind of want my change. With all these security features, the Treasury should have just added a credit card-like magnetic strip to a $100 bill, so you would actually be able to pay with $100 at a gas station.

Considering that peanut butter by itself creeps me out already (and I’m not even allergic to peanuts), this Goober stuff looks seriously creepy. At least they haven’t taken the next logical step of putting bread inside the same jar.

If museums keep getting as much funding as they get now, they’d probably be able to afford to display only the $1 and $5 bills. Let’s hope you just find a sack of these bills to examine them at your convenience.

Of course all of this high tech ignores the simplest protection. In most countries the larger the denomination, the larger the bill. In this country, we have for ever made all the bills the same size, so counterfeiters would bleach $1 bills and print $20s or $100s on perfect paper. But if the $100 bill is larger than the $1, no can do. So we are stuck with a plastic strip that causes the bill to break in half if pulled on with any force (like when you are trying to explain the conditions that accompany the $20 bill you are handing your teenager.

Yes, it’s logical and simple to use different sized bills, but that could actually prevent a lot of counterfeiting – which means less money to law enforcement and prisons, so that won’t happen. Also, Republicans would probably block that, because Socialism.

I heard Ben Franklin was very progressive for his time, but Miley’s show would probably be a shock to him, at least initially. Though it’s possible that he would be able to adjust to that, and maybe even propose to make twerking an inalienable constitutional right.

Haha. You know, I heard there’s gonna be a new 20 dollar bill with enhanced features as well. Instead of Jackson rolling his eyes when you attempt to break a twenty for a pack of gum, he looks you in the eye and challenges you to a duel.

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