Where my rag wearing soldiers that
Love to watch the dough stack
Never leave the house without their strap
(That’s what I’m looking for)
They know just what a woman need
Keep a big bank roll and a bag of weed
When it’s time to go down they ain’t scared to freak,
(That’s what I’m looking for)
Where my Rolley wearing thugs who
Claim they don’t love you
But any time you want something done, they do it
(That’s what I’m looking for)
The ball all night type
Frontin’, screaming, thug life
That’s the type of nigga I like
(That’s what I’m looking for)

– Da Brat “That’s What I’m Looking For”

So I had a conversation with a close friend of mine that is going through a break up and she questioned her odds at finding another man now that she has children. She said that the pool of quality men is very shallow vs. the pool of quality women, leaving her with the short end of the stick going back into the dating game. I had to be honest with her and tell her that the pool of quality men is not shallow, she is just looking in the wrong places. Let’s face it, most women are looking for that fantasy thug type that is equal part bad boy, and equal part about something. That man does not exist! Listen up ladies – that man in Da Brat’s lyrics may be hard, fight for your honor, and demand respect, but he does not possess the other qualities in men that we look for. I used to be that chick looking for the perfect refined thug. You know, the one who comes home in a three piece suit from a day in the board room, changes into a wife beater and basketball shorts to show off the ripped just-got-out-of-jail body, puts on a baseball cap cocked oh so slightly to the side, and then turns on Jay-Z for background music while he sits in the kitchen while you cook and asks how your day went. No, that thug does not exist. However, he can be found in the gangsta category. There is a huge difference between gangstas and thugs and it goes way beyond crime stories.

Thugs constantly declare their realness. Gangstas just are.
I was sitting at a bar one day, and the bad boy comes and sits down and asked if I had a boyfriend. I told him yes. He responded by sliding me his number and telling me to call him when I’m ready for a real man. I looked at him like he was crazy, slid it back to him and got up with my drink and just moved to another place at the bar. Gangstas don’t care if you have a man. They have the confidence to know that any other man would be long forgotten after talking to him.
Thugs are afraid to show feelings. Gangstas aren’t afraid of much of anything.
Ladies will fall head over heels for a gangsta, as he’s not above expressing his true feelings to her. Ask any woman with a thug and she will tell you she doesn’t trust him and has zero idea if she is the only lady in his life. Thugs are broken, having had plenty hurt in their lives so they put up a barrier to protect themselves and their heart. Gangstas face their fears head on and get over them. No fixing necessary.

Thugs thrive on other people knowing they have money. Gangstas just have money.
Gangstas will never be seen making it rain in a club. Nor will they be seen buying bottles for 300% the retail while sitting in VIP that costs twice as much as general entry. While thug is at the club wasting money on his ego, gangsta is at his house with his boys playing pool with the surround sound stereo system playing his favorites while he mixes drinks behind his bar. Gangstas have money, but it’s tucked away in a bank account or a safe.

These are just a few of the differences, as there are many, many more. After numerous relationship failures with thugs and wannabe thugs, I started to realize that they were not what I was looking for. I wanted thug qualities, but I also wanted a man who wasn’t broken and hardened by life on the streets. Fortunately for me, I eventually found a man with a swag that demands respect, has the ability to defend my honor, is not afraid to show his true feelings, and has no need to scrub off me. Forget a thug…I found a gangsta.

About Nia Syrah

I'm a mom, a sister, a daughter. My dreams consist of love, laughter, and living life to its fullest. A lover of fine wine and food, I tend to break the bank of those who can handle me. But I make up for that in many other ways.....

Mike v

Stupidest thing I have ever read, your never going to find.a real man and that’s why you stuck with kids your looking at.crap

Neil

Nia,

Let me share a couple of things with you………I know you said YOU USED to look for a refined thug, who comes home in a 3-piece suit and changes into a “wife beater”; do you have any idea what that term means……what that term came from and (as a woman) how it DOES pertain to you? Also, your post ends with the declaration, “Forget a thug, I found a gangsta”. Are you sure? IF I WAS A REAL G…..and you were My Lady……..YOU WOULD NOT be telling people that (on the internet or in person)…..

I’m through….The next time….I’ll have to charge you……………

Nia Syrah

you made me smile, neil 🙂

i get your point but that’s the thing – in this post, i’m hating on my former self for being so friggin ridiculous in my early adulthood.. i pity girls who follow that silly mentality and wanted to give my 2 cents as to how stupid it really truly is, so i used the term wife beater purposely…..declaring my man gangsta was a way to get my point across that i am glad to have put that thought process that so many women, young and old, have.. my man has no issues with my post, as those who know us, already know so it’s no news to them 🙂