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help that's all I can say right now

I haven't been on here in a few months,I have had major life changes happen. Most of you that I talk to know that i was dignosed 8/8/11 after looking for answers for several years.Now I have been with my husband for over 17 years now. We have been through the worst things possible. 3 months after we were together our house burnt down and 5 months after we were married I lost my 6 year old son to a drowning. I have 2 grown children and he has 3 almost grown children. In the last month the man that I thought was my best friend walked out of my life.

He just got up one morning and said good bye. My children did not understand it, my son who is 21 lives with us and he said that he had no idea it was going to happen. I am not sure if there is another women involed that could be a possiblilty. He and a friend of mine are very close and I was told that she gave him the courage to leave since he was thinking about it all along. I have also learned that she is preventing him from coming to the doctor with me. Currently we are losing our home. it is in foreclosure. Yes we have major money problems because we dont' have any medical insurance and are having to afford most of my medical on our own.

I didn't even get a change to get use to the idea that I had lupus before he left. The kicker is we were trying to keep my mom from finding out about the lupus, she has stage 5 kidney failure and has been in and out of the hospital from a couple of months, but when he left I had to tell my dad who 70 years old what was going on. He felt like he couldn't keep it from my mom. the bad part is, well heck it is all bad.

the first couple of weeks he had left I didn't eat or sleep. My kids were terrified that I would do something crazy. All I could do was cry. My son Sam who only has a learners permit had to take me to the hospital. Boy was that a ride. Went back on the predisone for a could of weeks. Kids tried to talk to their step dad about all this, he didn't want to hear it. made another trip to the hospital were I was given more meds and something to help my anxity (think I spelled that wrong) any kept fighting with the husband, because he was not making much sence. Talked to his best friend and he said that he didn't understand what was going on. All he could say was that back in august when I was dignosed he came to me and told me and I explaine to him what I knew about it, after knowing someone with lupus. from that point he started acting strange.

the kicker to this is, the fact that my husband still tells me that he loves and that he would do anything for me, just that he can not live with me, however he does not want to go on his life with anyone else because if he does he knows that another women will not allow him to take care of me. Does this sound right to anyone?
Everyone says I should just give up and go on but my life is crashing down around me. On thursday I went back to the doctor, they put me on plaqunil ( spelled it wrong I am sure) pc does not work well either. I couldn't do anything but cry last night after he came over to get some of his stuff. I feel like my best friend died and left me all alone to deal with this crazy mess that I have. I can't afford this on my own and my disability has not started yet. But the dr is helping me get approved.

I will stop here cause I could keep going and going but what good will it do. He will still not be here and I will still be left alone with my children.

I am so sorry, that you have to go through this nightmare.
Some men are just weak, that's my guess. A weak man can't handle big changes in their lives.
Maybe he is just confused and needs time to himself to get used to the idea, that you are sick for the rest of your live.
But I still think, that is not an excuse to abandon you finacially and emotionally, now that you need him more than ever.
I hope that he comes to his senses and man up, to be by your side, where he belongs.
We are here for you, to at least give you emotional support.

Debbie

I may have been dealt a bad hand, but at least I'm still playing with a full deck. ( most of the time anyway).

it's been a roller coster ride

Thanks Debbie,

I ofter wonder if he just does not know how to deal with it, because he is confusing he comes over to our house tells me he loves me and would anything for me and if I need he just call he will come running but yet he leaves, like my mom said how do you leave someone sick that you love.

To hear him talk about it he says that he left cause the house was cluttered like I told him I sick you move the mess around if you have a problem with it. We have lots of inventory in our house for our business. He would keep it in the house cause there was no other place for it. Like my daughter said that is a crazy reason to leave someone.

I often wonder if he doesn't think that if he leaves some of my family will step up and help me cause my family does have money, he knows my dad would buy my meds and pay for my doctors till the disability came through, but then again he says some hurtfully things some times and makes you wonder what the heck he is thinking. Everyone says push him away, but it's hard when he was my rock.

The strange part this is that we are still doing the marriage thing just living in different houses.If you know what I mean. We both agreed to not see anyone else and do anything with anyone else, so that is where I am confused. However we do have this friend that well was suspose to my friend as well, this lady, was a friend of the family she dated my husbands cousin, they broke up, she has two small children, she got with another man a man that was bad and he shook her 3 year old child and almost killed her. the whole time she is still hanging around the family. my husband went to talking to her, now he has never had a female friend since we have been together in 17 years, I ask him not to be friends with her, I thought that there was something fishy about what happen to her kid. anyway I find out that she has been after my husband all along, what so bad is the lady had a stroke and while she was in the hospital I took care of her 2 kids for 2 weeks even took her and the kids on vacation with us. yesterday I find 3 txt messages on his phone from her telling him that she loved him, that's when I find out that she was clouding his judgement, that if he wanted to leave it needed to be for the right reason and not over what she is saying but this lady has just as many medical problems as I do, but as I was told she is not disable and works and job. Talk about a slap in the face. He doesn't want any one to know that we are seperated but I don't see how he thinks that he can keep it from all our friends especaily when he brings her to our hang out place last saturday,knowing I was there with all our friends.

I know that he is not perfect in anyway and that he has flaws but we all do I know that I have not been an angel in this but I need my friend, as it said for better or worst sickness and in health, did he not hear that part. Maybe my marriage license had an exp date on it and i missed it.

Leaann,
Whew, that is a hell of a lot to deal with and I am so sorry that you are going through this on your own. I hope things will work out with your husband in a way that will benefit you the most. I say that because I have no idea what the best outcome is for you. Hugs, and hang in there. You've survived two terrible tragedies and eventually got to a better place. You are a strong woman and strong women survive.

Leaann,
Words can not say how bad I feel for you, sweetie. All that we can do as your cyber family is let you know that we are all here for you.
We'll listen anytime that you feel the need to vent.
Gentle Hugs,
Marla

Thanks everyone,
I agree Steve he needs all the help he can get, because some the things that he is doing, is out of the ordinary, His friends are even concerned. What's so bad is that we are still trying to be friends and he does come over and check on me and even tonight he stayed for dinner and he will be back thanksgiving. He still tells me he loves me just that he can not live with me right now. But how can you love someone that is sick and the just up and leave.

The time he chose to leave was the worst in the world, I had not had any time for the lupus diagnoses to sink in even though I had been told that might be the problem years ago, and secondly the day he left was the 28th of Oct. My son's death day was Oct 15th and his B-day was Nov 8th he would have been 20 years old he knew it was a problem, but like he said this time of year is always a problem for us. I have been so depressed that my son had to take me to the hospital and they gave me some meds to help and I agree it helps a lot.

Since he has been gone I had to go to the hospital several times not just for depression but for lupus. I was put on plaquenil a few days ago, to start with when he left he told my son that he didn't want to know about my medical issue cause he would feel guilty, but since then he has changed his mind. Which I feel is a good thing. It is just upsetting that I am having to pay for this all my self now. The only things he feels that he needs to pay for at this time is my cell phone and I guess I am glad for that. But leave me with all the medical. I am having to teach my son how to do a lot of the medical stuff that my husband use to do. Even though the husband said that when he came over that he would do it on those days, my mom says it all sounds crazy. She says that he just wants his cake and eat it too, but I will say this I don't feel that is the problem, he had diabetes and he does not treat it so now he has E.D. from it, and he is to cheap to afford Viagra.

I am feeling better today then I have in a few weeks, and feel that once me and my son move closer to him things will be better. He is staying with his mom and he lives in another town about 30 miles from here and has ask me to move closer, and also I will be closer to the doctors.

It is just very stressful right now but at least he is not the one making all the stress anymore since we stopped fighting, he knew that was not good for me.