that bright glow of new life

Journal

they are the size of a lime now, with fingernails and tiny toes. they can swallow, yawn and kick. one day i will feel those first flutters, and one day i will hear their heartbeat. in six months we will hold he or she close, cry of love and kiss their tiny nose and eyelids.

in their first few fragile months of living we have travelled all over france and italy. although they will never remember, everyday i write them letters. so that when they grow up they will know they were loved from the beginning.

sometimes i think i can feel where they are, it is always slightly to the left. i wonder if they can hear my heartbeat better from there. sometimes m lays his head against my belly and whispers stories and love to our tiny future wonderchild. ‘your papa loves you very much’ he whispers, among little kisses.

it has been tough, shooting an international, two-week campaign for billabong with all the exhaustion pregnancy brings. but my m has been so patient and kind, and i have been as brave as ever. there is much more travel and shooting to come and i will have to be strong, but by the end it will all be worth it.

there is already so much love for this tiny child from so many people all over the world. this feels like the beginning of something so extraordinary, so beyond words. i’ve never felt such love in my life.

we are so full of bliss for all the good that will come.

send love and warm thoughts to the little light growing in my belly.

(all images and artwork by others. last image is of my aunt holding me.)

I’ve been following your blog for a while but hadn’t looked at some older posts. I was completely blown away when I saw that last picture of you and your aunt. The resemblance between little you and Alba is uncanny. Both incredibly beautiful ladies!

This is so extraordinarily touching! It's hard to put one of the most beautiful feelings down in words, but reading this really gave me a happy feeling, while this was the first time I visited your blog. Congratulations to you both, enjoy!

My heart fills with so much happiness and joy for you two and the brilliant new miracle of a life that will come into this world. He or she will know that they are the most blessed, most loved child and it just makes me feel so complete to know that amongst all that is negative in this world, there is something so empowering, and REAL as love.I hope one day I will be as blessed as you!

mikaila, we are both far from ignorant of all the bad in the world. we have experienced tragedy, we have experienced misery, and while some of our negative experiences may not be as prolonged as some of those that less fortunate people have experienced, it is these unhappy experiences that have taught us best how to be happy.

our bliss isn't youthful naivety; our bliss is the outcome of learning how to listen to the what is bad in the world, and shifting that energy. sometimes happiness is overwhelming and overcomes you without thought. other times it is a conscious endeavour. both are valid and both are powerful, but it is the thought-induced happiness that can really make a difference. a positive attitude can change the world (remember, there is only one world – the world you perceive). always be aware of influence!

you guys make me cry. i'm not a person who cries a lot so I find it weird to sit here on the other side of the world and cry over to peoples happiness. i'm so silly. i can't think of anything more beautiful than to young people, loving each other, both so creative with big hearts and pure souls who are going to have a child. i believe that it will be the happiest child that have ever sat her/his feet on (as matt calls it) this playground. i cry because i'm grateful and calm to know that in this messy world a child, who already is loved unrestrained, will be born by someone who can't be more suitable and ready to get a child is having one. may you two and the little number three live the life you dream of.

I'm sorry for asking, but after reading all the pretty lines you've wrote, how you see the world et cetera:

I'm sure it is really important to you to think that life is always beautiful, and to believe that your imagination can come true,

but honestly, I am very worry when one day you will growing, a girl will be a woman, if you are a human like the rest of us… I'm very worry if the world does not turns out like you hope them to.

Please at least think about that, and prepare about that. 🙂

I'm just saying it is okay to be free and positive, but please know that there are real world happening there outside your mind. Tragedy and misery (and society!) happens, they are something we have to cope, not to deny. And we young people are suppose to be ready for it.

Though we haven't ever meet each other, I feel like I'd go straight towards you and give you one of those big huges, the ones you don't give to everybody. It's so strange writing this comment as my first comment on your blog. It's a lucky sign, no doubt.

I wish you and your lover all the magic possible, not difficult to accomplish considering you two seem to be pure magic.

This is so wonderful! I think it is amazing how you and Matt are so young and yet seem like the best parents-to-be in the world! All the best to you two and your little baby, who I am sure will grow up to be an extraordinary person!

i wish you the best. I was pregnant at 16 and now my daughter is two years old. she has brought me so much happiness and i know your baby will bring you joy as well. theres nothing more rewarding than being a mothermuch love

you've been blogging a while now about wanting to be a mother…so I'm extremely happy for you!!! I'm sure there will be people talking about how young you are but I think your life experience is ten times many that are twice your age. You'll be such a loving mother! Congrats again and again.

Congratulations to the both of you! I am so incredibly warmed by the love the two of you are capable of for each other and the world, and I know that your child feels it now and forever will. : ) Take care.

I'm so unbelievably happy for you n. I don't know you and yet I feel like I do, as I've been following and loving your work since your more humble beginnings on deviantart. I'm so proud 🙂 You deserve this happiness, so much.

I wish you all the best. Truly. And even though I don't know you or Matt, I've been reading your blog for ages, and somehow I just know that the two of you will be the greatest, most loving parents ever. You inspire me.

usually, i feel that anyone your/our age is silly for wanting a child and have no clue of the hard work it would take. especially people who aren't meant to be parents and become them accidentally. but YOU, i've never felt an ounce of uneasiness for you and your wanting of a child. i believe with an immense amount of passion and God on your side, anyone can overcome any obstacle and make daydreams come to light. you, matt and the baby will glow a bright hue for the rest of your lives because i've never known such a wondrous family before! and i've never even met you!congrats again and God bless you all!

Oh wow, I was reading this all in delight and happiness for you! Congratulations 🙂 you don't know me personally, nor I do you, but you used to live a couple streets down from my best friend's old home. Near Iggy Park. Admire your work.

i don't think that there is anybody in this entire universe that i would trust with new life as much as you two, your child will be casting wonder spells over us all for so long, and you will shape them into the most warmhearted human being there will ever be. i am so so happy for you both, and i wish endless good luck and love for the beautiful adventure you are embarking on.