Thursday, 23 February 2012

Al's Geek Dating Tips.

Blogging is cool, right? well I thought I would blog funny stupid crap, because that's kind of me, a little "left of the mark", so to speak.

ENJOY!!

OK, geeks....It's time to get off that brand new xbox you bought and get some action...

FIRSTLY- do not assume that your date will know all of your "1337 5p3ak" and slang. LOL, ROFL, ROFLMAO, LOLPWNED and the like should NOT be used.

Oh, and she does not CARE what planet Klingons, Romulans, Wookies, Ewoks and the like are from, however she may think your "James T Kirk" modified my little pony is cute.....

BE CLASSIC; Look her in the eye and say, "Let's go somewhere we can be alone." Resist the urge to use a French accent.

When removing her undergarments, don't say something stupid in a French accent like "au au au, i'm going to give you de French tickler" no matter the geeky urge you have to be funny....

BE ALL ABOUT HER: Give her the impression that you can't stop whatever you've been doing until she is satisfied (THIS MEANS NO WORLD OF WARCRAFT). Sure, you'll probably get off in the process, but assure her that she is going to have fun, too.

BE SICKENINGLY SWEET but not a DOUCHEBAG: "Want to come over and cuddle and a movie?" Note: This puts you at risk for just cuddling, so remember to slip the hand from her tummy to her boob.....trust me.

BE PLAYFUL: Smile and say, "I'll come over if you promise to make me bacon and eggs in the morning." This gives her the opportunity to say no to one part of the request--hopefully the bacon and eggs part or kick your ass and put it up on youtube.

When removing her bra, perhaps it's better for her to do it, lets face it...if you are reading this, you wont have ANY idea of what you are doing....unless you have worn one before....

YOU may find it amusing to put her black silky g-string on your head and pretend to be Darth Vader, however chances are she is going to A) think about how stupid you look, B) expect you to make "light sabre" sounds when putting on a condom and C) wonder if you are HUNG like a wookie, or just smell as BAD as a wookie...

Ahhh the final step, the "moment of truth", her vagina is NOT THE DEATH STAR, you make a tiefighter noise, and expect her to stay? that would be like rolling off to watch start trek, your screwed now....