Each year, approximately 13 million people become victims of identity (ID) theft.[1] Unfortunately, a crime such as this leaves victims with huge financial stress and a big mess to clean up. On top of that, victims of ID theft often experience emotions that are similar to those experienced by victims of more violent traumas.[2] For this reason, it is important to recognize and accept that there will be mental trauma, and it is important to deal with these feelings. If you have been a victim of ID theft, you should make yourself aware of the emotional effects of this incident, find ways to process your emotions, and ask for help in dealing with the situation.

Steps

Part 1

Dealing with Your Initial Feelings

1

Take care of the practical implications of ID theft. Unlike some other types of trauma, ID theft leaves the victim with a mountain of work to do. On top of that, victims are usually left to deal with everything on their own. A good first step to dealing with identity theft is to visit the Federal Trade Commission’s identity theft website (IdentityTheft.gov), where you can find lots of helpful information and even pre-made templates that you can use to start dealing with what happened.[3]

There is evidence that identity theft causes emotions that are similar to those experienced by people who have suffered violent attacks. Thus, while you do have to deal with the practical matters, remember that dealing with your own emotions is just as important.

2

Work through feelings of embarrassment and self-blame. Identity theft is a trauma that is sometimes viewed differently from other traumas. Often, a victim of identity theft is made to feel that they have done something wrong, but in many cases, this is simply not the case. Identity thieves are always looking for new ways to get to your information, and they are getting better at it all the time. Thus, while it is normal to feel embarrassed and to feel like you are to blame, this is simply not true in today’s society.[4]

Try to accept that you may feel embarrassed, and then move past that emotion. For example, you can say to yourself (either out loud, or in your head), “I do feel embarrassed about what happened, but I know that I did everything that I could to protect myself. This was out of my control.” Saying these words to yourself can help you process your emotions.

You could also try writing down your feelings in a journal if you want. Many people find the process of journaling very therapeutic.

3

Deal with your feelings of violation. ID theft will leave you feeling violated, and in some cases, it can be made worse by the fact that it went on without your knowledge. You probably feel that your security and privacy are not under your control. Remember that ID theft is a trauma that produces similar feelings to violent traumas, and you are not wrong to have these feelings.[5]

ID theft often leaves people feeling that they can’t trust anyone, and may lead you to feel suspicious of everyone around you.

Part 2

Processing Your Emotions

1

Accept that the process may be frustrating at times. Cleaning up after ID theft can be a long and frustrating process, in addition to trying to deal with the emotional impacts of the situation. Because ID theft has become so common, the process of cleaning up has become more straightforward. However, that doesn’t mean it will be easy. You may have to take time off of work, and you may spend hours on the phone.[6]

Being prepared for this frustration can sometimes make things a little bit easier.

2

Look for ways to keep your family together. Something such as ID theft can be very hard on families, particularly marriages. If you have a family or are married, do your best to keep this unfortunate event from tearing you apart. This violation of trust leads many people to distance themselves from those they love.[7]

Although you can’t control what happened, or how your family reacts to it, you can control your own reactions. Don’t take your emotions out on your family and friends. Remember that what happened is not their fault, either.

Try to use each other as a support system rather than shutting each other out.

During this difficult time, try to find the time to do something fun together. This doesn’t need to be anything big, it can be as simple as playing a board game together or going for a walk in the park. It is important to find some time to focus on each other rather than the theft.

3

Make time for yourself. Because cleaning up after ID theft can be so time-consuming, it is easy to let ourselves slip into an unhealthy lifestyle. However, it is during times like this that it is especially important to do your best to stick to a somewhat normal routine. Obviously, things are going to be different in some ways, but try to at least stick to a routine of healthy eating and exercise as best you can.[8]

You might find it difficult to sleep after this traumatic event. Interestingly, research shows that you shouldn’t try and force yourself to sleep, as staying awake can be a good way to give your body time to cope.[9] That said, if you are unable to sleep for weeks, you should contact your doctor as prolonged sleep deprivation comes with problems of its own.

Keeping an eye on your eating habits will help you focus on something besides the theft, and will also help keep your body functioning well. Similarly, exercise will give you a chance to work off some stress.

4

Protect yourself from future attacks. After an ID theft, you will likely become hyper-aware of the fact that the risk of this occurring is quite large. Thus, you should take steps to protect yourself from future identity theft. Make sure that you change the passwords for all of your online accounts periodically, and don’t use the same password for all of your accounts.

One way to keep yourself informed is to set up Google alerts. These alerts will notify you any time your personal information is published on the web.

If you want to, you can also purchase ID theft protection. By doing this, you are paying a company to keep an eye on all of your records to spot any unusual activity.

5

Educate yourself about identity theft. This will help you avoid some of the pitfalls that can make you vulnerable to identity theft. You can start by reading up on ID theft on the Federal Trade Commission website, which has information on protecting yourself and what to do if ID theft does occur: https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/features/feature-0014-identity-theft

Part 3

Asking for Help

1

Find a good support system. If you don’t already have a good support system in place, now is the time to try and build one around you. If you don’t have any friends or family that you want to talk to about what’s going on, consider looking for a support group where victims of a trauma can talk openly about their experiences.[10]

You may even be able to find a support group aimed specifically at those who have been victimized by ID theft. If you can’t find a local group, look for an online support group that might be able to meet your needs.

Take advantage of your support system. If you have a solid support system of friends and family that you can rely on, take full advantage of this. In the past, many felt that ID theft was caused by a person’s carelessness, but in today’s digital world, ID theft happens to even the most conscientious among us. Thus, you should not be embarrassed to talk to people you trust about how this event has left you feeling.[11]

Be honest about what you need from a trusted friend/family member during this time. Maybe you just need to vent your frustration about what has happened, maybe you want some advice, or maybe you just want someone to sit quietly with you. Be straightforward, don’t just expect them to know what you need.

3

Seek therapy. Sometimes, you might do everything you can to try and deal with your emotions on your own but find that you still have a lot of negative feelings. For many, seeking help from a mental health professional can make a huge difference in their well-being. A therapist can help you to examine your feelings, and where they are coming from in a safe space. Then, they can help you learn ways to deal with those emotions.[12]

In some cases, there may be community sponsored counselors who work with victims of various crimes. Try doing an internet search for “community counseling services” plus the name of your town and state.

Some people have the mistaken idea that going to therapy is something for people who are “crazy” or can’t cope with things on their own; however, this couldn’t be further from the truth. Almost everyone, no matter how mentally strong and stable, can benefit from having a safe, objective space to discuss their thoughts with a trained professional.

Community Q&A

Tips

If you can afford to do so, you may want to consider hiring an expert in identity theft. This person is trained to deal with the situation, and can give you assurance that your situation is being dealt with correctly.[13]

Warnings

Don’t put off dealing with identity theft. Unfortunately, this is not a situation that will go away on its own.

Be aware of any signs of depression that may occur as a result. If you find yourself feeling hopeless most days, find it difficult to get out of bed, maintain hygiene, or get anything accomplished during the day, you should contact your doctor. Untreated depression can make a very challenging event even more difficult to deal with.