Two Books with Horrible Dating Advice

When I was single, I hated dating—which is probably why I didn’t do much of it. There are so many unspoken rules, and girls play games, and it’s enough to make you want to become a celibate monk. Okay, it’s not quite that bad. Fortunately, I was lucky enough to find the right girl, and the rest is history.

Raven: My year of dating dangerously – Monica Porter

But even though my “game” probably sucked, I knew some common rules of dating. I mean, the really, really basic do’s and don’ts.

The same can’t be said for some of these characters from literature. These guys and girls really knew how to screw up some relationships.

Here’s the type of advice they might give you based on their stories.

“Girly, spineless men are the most attractive kind of men. Obsess over them, and never stop obsessing over them.”

–Scarlett O’Hara (Gone With The Wind)

We all know Rhett Butler had serious game. You know who had terrible game? Ashley Wilkes, the man whom Scarlett spends almost the entirety of Gone With The Wind obsessing over. She’s the worst. She’s the literal worst.

“If you stalk her enough, she’ll eventually love you.”

–Gatsby (The Great Gatsby)

Textbook Romance – Zoe Foster

Ladies, if you knew that a dude built his house across the lake just so he could stand on a dock and longingly stare at a light on your dock, and if you knew that same dude threw million dollar parties in hopes you’d show up, and if you also knew that same dude liked to hide in the bushes outside your house, wouldn’t you just fall head over heels in love? Or maybe you’d just call the police. It’s a miracle Daisy never had a restraining order put out on Gatsby.

Ladies, if you knew that a dude built his house across the lake just so he could stand on a dock and longingly stare at a light on your dock, and if you knew that same dude threw million dollar parties in hopes you’d show up, and if you also knew that same dude liked to hide in the bushes outside your house, wouldn’t you just fall head over heels in love? Or maybe you’d just call the police. It’s a miracle Daisy never had a restraining order put out on Gatsby.