Killing Gunther (2017) Movie Script

I never gave my name. I have a message from pipenko. I knew you... I-i knew you were... Sorry. Hold on. - Gun! - I knew you had rocks! Dagnabit. "I knew I'd find you hiding under a rock." Well that makes a lot more sense. Anyway, that's basically how you do it. See, a largemouth bass is like a predator fish, right? So for a lure, I'll use, like, a bladed spinner bait or, like, a crank bait with a rattle in it, you know? Is that Harold trunlow's boat? That investment banker that embezzled, like, over $200 million from his clients? Kaboom! Wait a minute. This ain't a fishing rod! Come on! Open the crate! I have to dissolve the bodies in acid. Do you want to stay or go? So, what am i allowed to ask you? - Anything you want. - Really, anything? Mm-hmm. - Why did you ask us to film you? - -Proof. Proof? Proof of what? All right, I'll start at the beginning. Gunther. Gunther is maybe the most feared hitman working in the industry today. He's a fucking asshole. You know, it's nothing personal, right? It's all business. You want to be king, you have to kill the king. And right now, Gunther is king. But very soon, I will be the guy who killed Gunther. And you're gonna help me prove it. Why are you gonna succeed when so many others have failed? 'Cause I put together an unstoppable team. Oh, I got a key up here. Oh! That's just spiders. Anyway, this is my childhood home. Hi. I'm Donald piznowski. Uh, no one calls me Donald. Everyone calls me Donnie. Or boom-boom. I'm trying to get that started. My first job was working at the belfax coal mines right down the road. They assigned me to dynamite. There was this one guy, Jim shumpansky. He's just a bully. Just always picking at ya. "Did you finish your work? "Did you finish your work, Donnie?" And I would say, "no, I did not, Jim. "Leave me alone. I'm a grown man." So one day, tunnel three's rigged to explode, and, um... Someone forgot to tell him. It was me. I didn't tell him, so he died in there. I blew him up. That's when... that was the day I was like, "i think I want to blow people up for a living." It's a lonely life, you know, killer for hire. I think Blake is the closest thing I have to a best friend. Would you kill him if someone paid you to? Yes, I would kill him. Sometimes I think about what it would be like to have, like, a family and kids and stuff, but then I go like... I don't know if I'd be good at it. My name is Sanaa mastourch fairouza. My first professional kill was at the age of eight. Why did you start so young? I am the only child of rahmat noushzad fairouza, one of the world's most feared assassins. They call him "the nightmare." People automatically assume that I benefit from sharing my father's name, but I don't feel that that's true. I just want to be recognized for my skill. Killing Gunther's my chance to make a name for myself and prove I am more than just my father's daughter. Holy shit! Did you see that shot?! Huh?! That's my little girl! Representing! Representing! Gimme some! Gimme some! Hi. My name is Gabe beales. I run tech ops and intel, technology operations and intelligence. I'm sort of new to the professional killer game, just, like, assassins and killing people, but there's just way more money in it than standard hacking, and I'm fascinated by the culture. My nickname is "the human computer." There's no system I can't crack. Oh, crap! That's not good. I'm kind of like a Gunther superfan. I'm obsessed with him. He's the greatest hitman ever. Everyone knows who he is, but no one does. He's the boogeyman. I'm just excited to meet him. Just, you know, walk up and shake his hand. And then, you know, watch everyone kill him. And then there's our secret weapon. Ashley. I'm Ashley. Ashley is my mentor, sort of father figure. Took me under his wing, guided me, trained me. Made me the man I am today. He taught me everything he knows about the killing game, which is a lot, because he's been at it for a very, very, very long time. - But the old man's just as deadly as ever. Go home to your family, child. With Ashley onboard, there's no way we can fail. That Gunther, he double-crossed me. I swear, if I ever see him... If I ever see him again... So, Ashley has had a heart attack. The doctors say that he will... he will be okay, but that he needs to be off of his feet for at least a month. Hey, Gabe. Kind of trying to talk here, bud. - Now that you've lost your secret weapon... - -Sorry. - Are you gonna call it off? - No. No, we're fine. We're just going to need... Gabe, Gabe, come away from the water fountain. Come away. Come back here. Read a magazine. Sorry. I'm not mad at you, okay? - I just... - it's okay. We're gonna need to find a little more help. We reached out to all the, uh, hitmen, contract killers that we knew and trusted. Got a lot of noes. Almost all noes. But a few bites, and they're pretty raw, but... they're all loose cannons. They're maniacs. They're descent-ish, and we need all the help we can get. - They're average. - Who's coming first? - Izzat. - "Crusher"? Nice! Izzat bukhari is a former extremist who's gone into business for himself. He's still building his portfolio as a hitman, so he agreed to a secret meeting with us. Normally, you want to meet in a discreet place like this, so... - who the fuck is this, Blake?! - Why is there a goddamn camera on me?! - -Put the camera down! - Blake, you got two seconds to explain this shit! - Okay! Put the camera down! - Sorry, they're with us. - -What do you mean, "they're with us"? I mean that's our crew. Why the fuck do we have a camera crew? I did not explain that, and that is completely my fault. - I apologize. - Damn it! - Crusher! - All right. Name's iz. Izzat. People call me crusher 'cause of this. - I crush things. I just don't really like that name. Sort of reminds me of the frat guys I went to school with. I lost the arm, uh, in a suicide, um, bomb. Not my suicide bomb, someone else's suicide bomb. I was helping him put it on, and he was fidgeting, and, uh... Yada, yada, yada. - I would lose an arm for that. - So cool. Oh, man. Yeah, it clenches when i run out of battery. Either of you have a android or a lg charger or something? - Um... - I have a 6s charger. Yeah, no, it's not apple-compatible. We've also set a meeting with pak yong qi, who is a unique kind of killer. But I knew yong would be excited to join up, because he has a personal beef with Gunther. It's Blake! It's Blake! They're with us! It's okay. I almost threw this in your face. I'm glad you did not. - This is acid. - Yeah. - You would've... - it would have been a bummer. Gunther killed my best friend, Mr. slick. And I will have my revenge. Your best friend was also a hitman? He was a snake. Oh, like a con man? No. A literal snake. My pet snake. The only thing I ever truly loved. Gunther found out I used Mr. slick to make my poisons, so he executed him. I'm sorry. Your poisons? I only kill with poison. You see, it's more elegant, sophisticated. And I don't use guns. The sight of blood makes me violently ill. Really? I can't even say the word... - you don't have to say it. Don't... - stop trying to say it! - No way! Absolutely not! If they are in, man, i am out! Then you're out. They're already flying here. - Fine. - Who? Who's flying here? The friggin' bellakalakova twins! Oh, crap. I've never heard of 'em. Brother and sister out of Southern Russia. Remember the porsinka Blaze? - No. - Stadium fire. 14,000 people burned alive. That was them. They're monsters. It's just a meeting. - Well, I'm gonna go with you, then. - Fine. You better do it in a public place. I mean, I'm a maniac, but those guys are psychopaths. Why is this so good?! Freeze frame. I am Mia, and this is barold. - What's up? - What's up? And we have never been to United States before, but we love it here. We love it. We want to see New York, apple pie, Hollywood stars... - barold. Barold! - All right! Coming to visit, we are treating like a workcation. - Workcation when we go... - We kill... somewhere else... Somewhere else and kill. - And then kill. - And kill there. - Workcation. - Workcation. Okay, guys, we got some snacks, some healthy ones, some not so healthy. - Donnie brought ho-hos. - You're welcome. So you have him to thank. I just want to say how much I appreciate everyone rallying behind this project. We're about to do something incredible. We're about to change the game. They say there's no honor among thieves, but clearly there's a lot among hitmen. And, uh, I'm very proud to say that. Is there an outlet? I was literally right in the middle of a speech. I have no idea. If I had to guess, I'd say that big one right there where all the electrical stuff are. - Oh, that one? - Blake? - Yes, yong? - Do we have a plan? Uh, a wonderful question. I was just getting to that before I was interrupted. We do have a plan. Our plan is we're going to put out a fake hit. We're gonna lure Gunther out. - We're gonna be waiting for him. - No. Gunther will smell a trap. What we need to do is figure out where he lives. Fuck, yeah, what she said. I take a picture. It is a great point, but I assure you, - the hit will look authentic. - You're embarrassing me. - Gabe is working on it... - no! Hey, no, this doesn't have any power. Well, what do you want me to do about it, Gabe? Figure it out. That's your department, okay? Please stop interrupting. When is visit Hollywood? You promised me picture of Scott wolf house. He want see Scott wolf house, or... we talked about this, didn't we? Kill Gunther first, then visit Scott wolf. That was always the deal. What, Gabe?! I'm gonna have to go get a portable source from my Van. You don't need my permission. You're a grown man. Whoa! We got an arm power-down, guys. - And we got glass. Okay! That did it. - Oopsie. Bloody finger. - What just happened? - Blood. Because of the blood? - You're like a baby! - That is disgusting! I surrender. It's Max! It's Max! So, this is awesome. I didn't expect him to be here, but Max and I used to be partners back in the day. - We were a two-man duo. Uh-oh! - Blakey. Here comes trouble! Here comes trouble! - What are you doing here, man? - I heard about Ashley. Yeah, yeah. Ashley trained both of us. - You're going to be dead in a week. - Yeah, right. Yeah, you're here to steal our glory. That's what you're doing. - Glory? Is that what you're calling it, your virginity? - No! You're calling virginity glory? Hello, glory! You would want it. You would want it. - I don't want it. - Yeah, you would. - It's good to see you, man. - It's good to see you. Listen up. You're all at a big disadvantage, because none of you know who Gunther is. Therefore, how are you gonna find him? You can't find him. Till now. I'd heard rumors that Gunther has a safe house in the Balkans. I got an old buddy of mine who's a dropper out there. Sieppa abachi, just a fantastic guy. He makes a mean cevapi. It's pork, it's beef, bunch of spices, delicious. Anyway, I said, "look into it." Turns out, our friend Gunther lives... oh, my god! Get down! Where's it coming from? He's on the roof! Cover me! Did it get there? Incoming! camera on. Turn it on, and leave it on, and never turn it off! We were almost killed! I don't care. You're here to film. We are just here to observe. You said we'd be safe. We're done. You are done when the job is done. That's what you agreed to. And if you ever stop recording again, I will kill you. Do you understand? Never stop recording. When did you actually stop? When the rocket was coming. Show me that footage. Clear! Yeah, he's gone. Okay, and there's playback. He's on the roof! There. Stop there. We got him. I give you Gunther. - Enhance image. - What? - Enhance that image. - I can't do that. Why not? Because that's not a thing. That's not how technology works. - Yes, it is. I've seen it a bunch. - That's exactly how. - Minority report. Person of interest. - I don't know. I'm with Gabe. Not in real life. Keep the sharpness of when it's small, and bring it like they do all the time. Yeah, technologically impossible. What about this? Can you get the data off of this? I can try, but it looks pretty busted. You look pretty busted. God damn it! He's really mad. - Okay, all right. - Gabe, come on, man. It's not Zelda. It was him. It had to be him. I don't know how, but Gunther knows we're after him. Are you scared? No. No, now it's personal. Wasn't it already a little bit personal? How do you mean? Isn't part of this about... Lisa? About who? Lisa mccalla. She's your ex, right? No, I, um... I don't... uh... A Lisa? I don't... I don't... no, I don't know her. What was the name? My name is Lisa mccalla. I am a retired hitwoman. Blake and I were together for four years. - How did it end? - Not well. Um... I had been unhappy for a while, and, um... I ended up leaving him for somebody else. Anybody in particular? Well, I didn't know this at the time, but later found out that the gentleman I was with is the man known as Gunther. So his real name is not Gunther. No. What is his real name? Nice try. Where did you get this information? 'Cause I've never heard of this woman before in my life, so you got some misinformation, my friend. I have the last message that Blake left me. - Would you like to hear it? - Yes. Sure. Lisa, please pick up. Please pick up the phone, Lisa. Please... - that doesn't sound like me. - Don't leave me! - Does that sound like me to you? - I, Blake, love you! We have the same name, but that doesn't mean anything. I need you! It's not even the same register. I want you to be Mrs. Blake hammon! Okay, I don't remember that part. I want to die! You've seen her recently? How is she? Life is good. Yeah. Um... I'm not killing people anymore, so I sleep better. I started my own business, hey claydies. We do erotic ceramics parties. Mostly bachelorettes, um, girls' night out. inner sexuality connecting to the Clay. I had this realization, like, "here I am ending people's lives, and I'm not even enjoying my own." Does this remind you of your fianc? I wish. Let's be honest. I'm settling. Oh. Why did you decide to leave Blake? Oh, well, i-i couldn't compete with his ambition. How do you mean? Well, when Blake and i first started, he was... very romantic. We used to write these letters back and forth. And sometimes he would send pictures from wherever he was. After a while, I'd write to him, but I wouldn't hear back. And I asked him to take some time off of work so we could travel and spend some time together, but he couldn't say no to a job. Blake loves his work. And I respect that, but... I wanted him to love me more. - And Gunther did? - No, that was a mistake. I want that to be clear. We're not together anymore, and I don't want any part of... What's going on. Do you still love Blake? I think a part of me always will, but we need different things. And I just want him to be happy. If killing Gunther brings him happiness, well... You know, good luck to him. So great news. Ashley's getting out of the hospital. Classic Ashley. You can't keep a good man down. Gabe, you barely know him. Yeah, that's true, but... you look great! - I just needed a tune-up. - Yeah. Hey, you gave us a scare, old-timer. - Who the fuck is he? - It's just Gabe. He drove us. It's just Gabe. It's all right. But you're feeling good, right? - I'm all right, baby doll. - All right. That Gunther got to go. That Gunther got to be put down. - Yeah. - Ashley? Ashley! Ashley is back in the hospital. Uh, fooled us all. And the doctors say he's definitely gonna be out of commission for a while now. So, what now? Well... needless to say, it's been a bit of a rocky start, but we're gonna go ahead and move forward with our initial plan, and we're gonna use a fake hit to draw Gunther out. Our fake target is Schneider feizmark. Black-market arms dealer, one of the biggest in the world. Feizmark's base of operations in the U.S. is Miami. Does feizmark know you're doing this? No, but he has a lot of enemies, so it's realistic that someone would put out a six-figure hit on him. We're posing as a sheik that feizmark screwed over, so... do not film him. Do not film him, please. Thank you. You're good. That was our travel agent. Vamos a Miami! Welcome to Miami. You guys get in all right? Uh, the others should be landing shortly. What's up, guys? He refused to change. I'm wearing the beard. It's my disguise. She's just pissed, because she wouldn't hold my hand. We're supposed to be married, okay? In what world are we supposed to be married? We just happened to be on the same flight, and he made people move so he could sit next to me. 'Cause I need to protect my wife. You will take us now? We see Mickey mouse and his world. You mean Disney world? Oh, we're in Miami. - That's in Orlando. - Is different? Yeah, it's a different city - different part of the state, even. - No. - Far? - -A four-hour drive, or so. Oh, Jesus. You did this. Oh, hey. Hey! Hey, guys, hey. It's Gabe. Like my disguise? The point was to blend in. Oh. I thought the point was to be unrecognizable. - No, that was never the point. - Oh. Could we stop at a drugstore? I forgot to pack makeup remover. Why don't you take care of that yourself? - Okay. - You just meet us at the hotel. The hotel. Okay. All right, cool. See ya, Blake. Gunther confirmed the job, so we start surveillance first thing in the morning. All right, boys, he's open. It's time to go shopping. Regulators! What? - Let's go. - Yeah, let's go. What up... bitches? You Cheyenne? No. I'm Mickey fuckin' mouse. - Hey. - -You are not Mickey mouse, motherfucker. Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! I was just fucking with you. I'm Cheyenne. Hey, come on in. - Oh, thanks. - Come on in. - Sorry about him. - Hey, welcome aboard. Hey. That's, uh... I'm really sorry about the Mickey. Don't be shy. Take a look around. Welcome to my world of Willy wonka. I love that shit. Cool. Caldwell said your stuff was clean? - Got no complaints. - Oh, boy. He's laughing... seriously, I can file the serial numbers off whatever you want. - That's fantastic. - I got you, baby! Okay, great. Yeah, all right. This is the guy. Go on! Shop till you drop. Anyone want a latte? - I'm good. - No? You're not shopping either? Oh, yeah. I just ran out of juice. I fucked up this beretta. Which actually sucks, 'cause he's got a "you break it, you buy it" policy. - 'Member? 'Member? - Yes. - He was like, "hey, motherfucker." -Don't... - Don't do that, though. - Oh, fuck. I need to find a window. - You're not shopping? - No. They don't have any tiny glass bottles here. Yeah, well, it's a gun store. With the right ingredients, even a tiny glass bottle can be the deadliest of weapons. Yeah, I wanted to ask you about the whole poison thing. It feels really impractical, right? 'Cause you got to get right up next to the person... touch. - Excuse me. - Pardon me. If I'm in the way, you can just push me, or... you're fine. My therapist would disagree. Um, you need a hand with that? - No. - Mm-hmm. She is very pretty. Gabe, ladies and gentlemen. Ah! I like this. Guy hands me a fat stack. - Usa. Usa. Usa! - Usa! Usa! Usa! Can we not? Can we not? - Why you so grumpy? - Here, on the house. - Oh, thank you. - No problemo. You know, we got to hang sometime. - Yeah, i can't promise anything. - Hmm. Hate the game, right? Yeah, well, good luck. I hope you do what you gotta do. You know, it was rad meeting you guys. And if you ever, ever want to find... all right, all right, all right! That's what I'm talking about. I want everyone to get a lot of rest tonight, um, 'cause tomorrow's kind of a big day for me. I know, tomorrow we're doing what? Yes, izzat. - We're killing Gunther? - Yeah, we are! - Yeah! Yeah! - Good time! Oh, I have to kill Gunther tomorrow. Hi, mom! We're gonna kill you, Gunther! Kill that motherfucker. We're coming for you, Gunther. So we set up surveillance. We're going to shadow feizmark, - wait for Gunther to make his move. How long do you think we'll have to wait? Uh, it could take anywhere from 24, 72 hours to carry out a hit. So... we got to be on our toes. I'll play. - I'm sorry. - It's okay. It's okay. Whoa. Whoa! Hey, guys. Hey, guys, look. What is that? Is that us? No, it's not the connection here. Guys, there's somebody in the building. Who is that? Guys, I need a report. - I'm on it. - Nobody on our side. That's him. That's him. He's here. All farmers, the fox is in the henhouse. I repeat, the fox is in the henhouse. - Just say he's here. - He's here. Copy that. Donnie and I are heading to the lobby now. Sanaa, izzat, meet us there. Excuse me. Excuse me. You can't film in here. I'm gonna need you to leave the building immediately, please. - Ow, my keys! - Yong is on the roof. - Mia and barold are on the floor. - You've seen him? - He did. - Sort of. - You guys take the stairs. We'll meet you up there. - Got it. - What do you mean, "sort of"? - -The place is crawling with people with guns. There's all sorts of people leaving without signing out! You and I will take point at feizmark's office. Mia and barold, sweep the north side. Sanaa and izzat, cover all emergency exits. Gabe, get ready to shut down the elevators on my mark. - Shutting down on your cue. - This is it, man. We're gonna do it. Here. All right, say, "cheese." - Duck face? - Yeah, fine. Let's go. We're coming, Gunther. - Have you seen him? - We might already be too late. Mr. feizmark, we are not here to hurt you. Where is the man who was just here? Help... he's in the ceiling! Sanaa, he's headed towards you, southeast corner. - Roger. - Sorry. - No, I'm sorry. - You okay? - Your hands are very soft. Barold, it's so loud in my eye! - Are you okay? - Just get him! You... I've seen his face! No, no, no, please! Izzat! - Izzat! - Where is he?! Where is he?! Did he run past you! No. No, no, no, no! Oh, man, look at his face! He's dead. Where is Gunther? Where is Gunther! He can't just disappear! We should leave. Oh, man. Should we take the arm? Abort! Everyone meet at the rendezvous point. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. - Where izzat? - He's dead. Why is the Van not waiting? Gabe! Wait. Where are the others? Wait. Where's Sanaa? We can't leave without Sanaa. Izzat's dead. What? What! No! He's dead?! - Oh, god, no! - Someone's coming. Oh, no! - Hurry. Get in. - Where did you go? I wiped the security tapes. Okay, Gabe, go. Go. Drive. Drive. Stop crying, and drive. Stop crying, Gabe. I shot him. - Who? - Gunther. - You're sure? - Oh, I'm positive. Okay, great. Great. That's great. Way to go, Sanaa. All right, yeah, that's a good thing. We'll watch the footage when we get back to the safe house, but that is a good thing. That's a very good thing. - Oh, god! - Gabe! Thank you. - Be honest, I'm a little... is there any more...? - I got you. Oh, I'm still rolling. - Your middle name's ramis? - Yes. Barold ramis. - His middle name is ramis. - Hey, guys, guys. - Quiet, quiet. Here it is. - That's insane. She got him. You got him. She did it. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa, what? Yep, I see, too. Gabe, can you go back? - Looking. - Going back. - There. Did you see it? - I didn't see anything. Rewind it again, but play it slow. - In slow motion. - In slo-mo. Here it is. Hold on. Hold on. Pause there! - Holy shit. - That's you face. Blake, he's got your face. He's using your face. That's not me face. That's not me face. That looks nothing like me. No, that's not me. That face is that face. - It's the same face. - It's not! It's got thin lips. It's got a very round, small chin. - It wasn't me. - We know! We know it wasn't you, okay! Obviously, Gunther knew we were coming, and so now he's playing with us. Um, what worries me is not that he can look like me. What worries me is that clearly he can look like anybody. A lot like anybody. Exactly. But he's hurt... And that's going to help us. a facility that can access all cellular data. So I asked my contact to monitor their phone activity. She just got back to me with a confirmed Dr. Julian serbek. Phone call about a bullet wound to the right quad. - Yes! - Nice work, yong! - 7:30 at serbek's office. - 7:30 A.M.? - Yeah. - That's in 45 minutes. Guys, we gotta move now! Pack up! No time to waste! - I need my coat! - Barold, wake up! Which one is it exactly? Second floor. The one with the chimney. You're sure they're in there? Infrared sensors picking up two men matching height and weight. Definitely a doctor-patient scenario. There comes Donnie. Okay, just erase that. All right, it's all rigged up. See that red car across the street there? Rigged it with a piata bomb. The second we see Gunther come out that door, we're gonna cut him up real good. We got Mia and barold across the street... And Sanaa in the alley. And I... Have my poisons. Exactly. There's no escape. This time, we're gonna get him. We're gonna get him! Let's get him. Someone's coming. Someone's coming. There he is. That's him. Donnie, blow it. Boom goes the dynamite. Boom goes the dynamite. - Boom goes the dynamite. - Donnie, hit it! - I did. I did. - Obviously you didn't. Nothing happened. Donnie, what the hell? I didn't touch that car, man. Then why did it just explode? You told me to rig the red car... he knew. He knew we were coming. Where's Sanaa?! She pinned down cross street. Mm-mmm. Mm-mmm. Mm-mmm. Mm-mmm. Okay, I think it's done. Gunther's a fucking dick. Jesus Christ, what a waste of cars. I don't know what happened, man. I don't make mistakes when it comes to explosives, man. This is a Gunther move. I'm telling you. - You okay? Are you okay? - No. No! I pissed myself, man! Come on! Oh, Donnie. Yong, what is the name of your contact? - This wasn't her fault. - I want the name! - Somebody told Gunther we were coming! - It wasn't her! Give me the name. Give me the name. - Guys, guys, what's that sound? Wait. I hear it too. I know that s-s-s-sound. What the... Is it dead? Is this what poison feels like? This sucks. - Friend now! - No, no, no! Don't let him do it! She got him! - Yeah, way to go, Sanaa! For yong, you piece of shit! Please tell me there's two bodies. We got two! We got two! To, officially, the best killers in the biz. And why are we the best? - Because we beat the best. - Yeah. We killed Gunther! Too bad yong died. - Mmm... - Yeah. Got bit by a snake. - That's right. - But we won! - Yeah, we did! - We won! Yes, we certainly did! Whoa-oh! Blake, i was just wondering. - Now that we're done here... - hey, hold on. Excuse me? Miss? Excuse me, hello. - You can't film here. - Oh, no. It's my buddy's bachelor party. We're filming the whole thing. Um... Can I please get a beer for my friend and I and a pitcher of mai tais. Awesome. Now that we are done, are we allowed to go home? Karaoke! - Hey, Blake, they got karaoke. - I surprised Donnie! - They have karaoke, baby. - Uh-oh. Yes! You did it! - Um, so are we allowed to go home now? - Mmm! Mm-mmm! Mm-mmm! - Is it okay if we... - job well done, yes. First thing in the morning, i promise. But right now, a toast, to dead Gunther. To dead Gunther! To dead Gunther! Everybody I've known in my whole life has left me. My parents left me. Yes, I was an orphan. Lisa left me. She didn't love me anymore. Max left me, moved to south America, and then I got him shot in the head. Why do they leave? Is it me? It makes me feel like me. Does that make sense? - Am I sounding stupid? - It does. No, no. Sometimes it's really hard to know where you stand in the world. Exactly. And that is why tonight I did something that confirms that I'm good. Killing Gunther means I'm good and they're wrong. All right, everybody! - Oh, no. Uh-oh. - Thank you! Please welcome to the stage... I'm gonna bring my friend up here. - Don't do it! - He is a criminal! Oh, now we're in trouble. That's just a fact, but he also... also has a beautiful mind. - No. No. - Which makes him... wait for it! - "A criminal mind." - Okay, it happened. - He said the magic word. - Get up here, Blake! - Blake! Blake! - You troublemakers. This is your fault. Whoa, there's a step. Ladies and gentlemens, you don't know me or my friends, but we did something that you will never know about, but we will forever know about it. - We changed the game. - Whoo! And because we're feeling so good, my friends have signed me up to sing the most incredible song of all time. Lawrence gowan's "a criminal mind," peaked at number five on the Canadian pop charts back in '85, but it will always be number one in our hearts, and here it is. - Should we go out there? - No. - Are you guys okay? - Yeah, we were just about to... - what's happening? - I don't know. I thought you would know. What do you mean, what... - don't let him kill me! - Who? Who? - You will die! - I will never speak to you again! - He touched my daughter! I will murder him! - I don't care! No, no, no! Dad! Whoa, whoa! What happened! He slept with my little girl! Donnie and I were just a little drunk. Okay? - Oh, shit. - I am a grown woman! - I am my own woman, dad! - Defiler! Rahmat, rahmat! Let's solve this with words, okay? But right now, all of us have to get out of here, okay? I'm sorry, Blake! I am so enraged! It's okay. I understand, i understand. Please forgive me. I've gotten you in trouble. Of course, no, you're already forgiven. But listen, you can't go shooting my team, rahmat. You can't do that, okay? You can't fire at us. And why are you even here? I don't understand. You called me to inform me of their indiscretion. - Blake! - What? I did not. - Blake! - No, I didn't. I wouldn't do that. - Yes, you did. - How would I know? I received your text one hour ago! - That's impossible. That's not possible. - Why would you do that?! Exactly! Why would I? I've been asleep the whole time! I walked in to find that pig on top of my angel! That is a lie, because i was the one that was on top! - No, no! - I am going to kill him! - What have you done to my life?! - I didn't do it! - Why would you send that text?! - I didn't send it. Why would you send it?! He showed me the text! I can prove I didn't send it. Gabe. Get Gabe. - Get Gabe. - Oh! Gabe? Gabe? Gabe! I'll break it in. What is it? What took you so long? And what the hell are you wearing? It's a breathing mask for my sleep apnea. - What's going on? - Mia and barold. What do Mia and barold have to do - with the text you sent? - Mia and barold! Blake, you... Jesus! - Fuck! - What! - Oh, god. Oh, my god. - What does "eww" mean? - Oh, I see. - Who did this? Who do you think did this? Hey! No, no, no. We... we killed him. - Obviously, we did not. - Shit. Why did he have to place 'em like that? We have to go. Gather all your things. - Come on. We have to hurry. - Okay, come on. Gabe, go. Get out of here. Get out of here. Come on, move, Gabe! Gunther's alive. How is that possible? I don't know. - Can we still go home? - No. No, I need you more than ever now. You're all I have left. You still have me. Donnie is gone, because rahmat is trying to kill him. Sanaa is gone, 'cause she's trying to stop rahmat. Everybody else is dead. There is no team. The mission is a complete failure, and things literally could not be worse. So I'm going to go home and, uh... Reassess the situation. - Stay low. Stay low. - What's going on? - I don't know. They're in my apartment. - Who is it? - I'm not sure. Let's go. Let's go. Go, go, go, go. - Oh. Yeah, it's the FBI. - What? - Yeah, you're all over their system. - He ratted me out to the FBI? - Yes. You don't do that. You never do that. That's, like, rule number one. You never rat another hitman out - to the FBI, to any authority. - I know. I am going to kill him. Is something funny to you? No, you're... well, you're gonna try to kill him again. Thank you, Gabe. Well, now I'm going to need a place to stay. Okay, come on in, guys. Welcome to the casa de Gabe. Couch here does not fold out. So, Blake, I think that's just for you. You guys... Uh... I guess just the floor. Um... I'm just trying to wrap my head around what my life has become. I can't travel for the time being. Gabe ran an I.D. Wipe for me, so that helps, but I still have to be careful and lay low. Frizzy! Hey, what up? Yeah, I just got back from a gig. Not well. I just wish I could get in touch with Donnie or Sanaa. A bunch of people got killed, like, right out of the gate. You know, boom, boom, boom. Hey, Donnie, it's me. Give me a call when you can. I hope you're still alive. Sanaa, it's blaker caker. I know you're busy keeping your dad from murdering Donnie. Hope that's going well. Gunther ratted me out to the feds. Pretty much sucks. Anyway, hit me back when you can. Byezees. I'm so exhausted. I can't wait to just sleep. Oh, hey, bro. Um... this is Jewel. Hey. I just need the place for a little while, okay? Just, like, a couple of hours. Is that cool? I literally have no place to go. And on top of that, I'm hiding from the FBI. Yeah. - You want me to wander the streets of New York City? - Mm-hmm. Uh, Jewel and I will be having some intimate... - I don't... - sex. - I don't want... - yeah. - Hey. - Hey, hey. Um, are you gonna be much longer? No, I'll just get rid of him. It's just the energy in your apartment is, like, really affecting me. Okay. I will be right in there. So sorry to have inconvenienced you, Jewel. Oh, it's fine. - Yeah, no, don't worry. - Okay. Yeah, so... how are you feeling right now? Bad. Abandoned. It's like anyone who gets close to me either runs away or... gets murdered, and that doesn't feel great. Do you think trying to kill Gunther was a bad idea? No. No, if anything, I want to kill him even more now. Sorry. It's Donnie. Hey. Yes, where? - Donnie. - Hey. Hey. - Come on. - What are you doing? Just sit down. Not next to me. What are you doing? Donnie, why are you in a dress? I'm in hiding. It's a disguise, okay? I shouldn't even be meeting with you. You look nice. Thank you. It was on sale. Is this because of rahmat? Are things really that bad? Yeah. Her dad's like an iranian bloodhound, man. Donnie, I need your help. - I can't do it, man. - No. Yes, you can, okay? Yes, you can. Please. You're the only one I have, all right? - You don't understand, Blake. - No, you don't understand. - No, you don't understand. I'm out. - No, you don't understand. For good. I'm done killing. What are you talking about? I'm in love, Blake. For the first time in my life, I'm afraid to die. - You're in love with Sanaa? - Yeah. And it's great, and I have you to thank for it, and I'm sorry that I'm leaving you hanging, but... then don't leave me hanging. Please. Donnie, please, i am begging. Gunther has taken everything from me. Except for your life. When are you gonna admit it to yourself, Blake? - Gunther's the best. - No. We are in way over our heads. We got so many of our friends killed. And honestly... I don't even know if our hearts were ever even really in it. - Mine was! Mine still is! - Really? Really? What do you mean, really? Yes, really. So you've done everything in your power to find Gunther? You know for a fact that I have, Donnie. You walked up to Lisa, and you said, "tell me where he is"? - Okay. - You held a gun to her head - and you said, "tell me where he is"? - That is not fair, - and you know I can't do that. - Oh, screw you. You know exactly why i cannot do that. Because you're bullshit. 'Cause you're fucking bullshit, and you're peacocking around this place. It was never about Gunther. It's about you. You got a lot of people killed, Blake. Okay, well, you are a quitter. - So enjoy your quitter life, and screw... - oh, jeez. I will. I'm sorry. Oh, shit. Dad! Dad, you have to stop this! Hey, Blake, I'm so sorry. Dad! He's right. Maybe this was a mistake. I think I had fooled myself into thinking this was some kind of grand romantic gesture. I would kill him, and she'd come running back. I don't know. But, uh, in reality, I think I was being petty, and I just couldn't handle being dumped. They're his letters. Responses to every letter i wrote to him. I had stopped sending them, 'cause I didn't want someone to find them and use her against me. Do you know that she gave me this? He still has the case? He carries it with him everywhere. It was a gift. She had it engraved. Here. "Blake, I'd kill for you." I never stopped thinking about her. And when I found out about her and Gunther, I got mad. And, and... Sorry. Hello. Yes. Yes. Wonderful. Yes, I will. Thank you. Ashley. There he is! The man of the hour! Your timing could not be better. I can't tell you how happy I am to see you. Thank you so much. I have him. Thank you. You look like shit. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's been a rough couple weeks. Ashley, I messed up. Bad. Gunther has killed everybody. And... and it's all my fault. And I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do, Ashley. But you're here now. You're here now, and you can tell me what to do. So tell me what to do. Ashley? Ashley? Ashley was a great man. He was my mentor, closest thing I ever had to a father. His last words were... "You look like shit." To me. About me. But I like to think that that was just Ashley's way of saying, "i love you." I know that it wasn't... But I need to believe that, because I am barely hanging on by a thread here. Love you, Ashley. Thank you for coming. Enjoy the cruise. I'm so sorry, man. Thank you, Gabe. - I see you brought Jewel. - Yeah. That was a little inappropriate. Hey, at least you got to be with him when he went. Yes, that's true. - We're gonna lower the casket. - Okay, thank you. - Hey, buddy. - Donnie. Oh, I'm so happy to see you. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. It's been really hard. I didn't expect to see you here. Come on, man. It's Ashley. I couldn't miss it. Plus, uh, I don't think rahmat will kill me at a funeral, so... Donnie, run! He's coming! His time has come! - Enough! Enough, rahmat! - Blake! - Not today! Not today! - Blake! Blake! - I have too much going on! - Blake, no! Please stop! Blake, where's the reception gonna be? Go away, Gabe! Do what you must, but I will kill him! Father, please, for once just listen to me, okay! You cannot kill him! He's not worthy of you. I'm pregnant. Wait. You're pregnant... no! No! No, no, no, no, no! Fuck you, Gunther! Fuck you! No! Gabe? Gabe? No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no! Not Gabe. Oh, my poor sweet Gabe. My poor sweet Gabe. You were useless, but you're the only one who stood by me in the end. And now you're dead, and it's all my fault. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Gabe. Take me with you! I'm gonna need a ride home. Drink it. Drink it. Drink it. And now we're having fun! Gonna miss your place, Gabe. Whoo! All of this! Never stop. All of this! Okay. I suck! B-b-b-b-b-b-b-buh! It's over. You can turn the camera off. Are you sure? Yeah. Go home. I'm sorry that i threatened to kill you. Are you gonna be okay? Nope. All right. I'm sorry, Blake. It's, um... it's been interesting. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Noise complaint. I'm sorry, neighbors. I'm sorry it's so loud. It was a bad day. Lisa? - How are you here? - Donnie told me. I'm sorry about Ashley. Take care of yourself, Blake. Lisa, do you want... it's Gunther's address. No, Blake, no, okay, don't do this. I have to do this, i don't have a choice. Oh, my god, but he's going to kill you, man! Maybe. But there's only one way to find out. You can't do this alone! I'm not doing this alone. You're coming with me. Absolutely not. We refuse. -Under no circumstance... - okay, we're coming. - We're coming. Donnie, it's Blake. I got Gunther's home address. He lives in mammoth, California. Who lives in mammoth?! I just thought you deserved to know. I'm going after him. Anyway, if anything should happen to me, I just want you to know, I love you. Excuse me, sir, put your phone on airplane mode. - I'm finishing my call. - Do it right now. We haven't left the gate. Yeah, and we can't until you put the phone away. Okay, fine, I'm putting it away. Can I say goodbye? Donnie, I have to go. Wish me luck. I'm gonna go kill this asshole. - Uh, excuse me? - I wasn't even talking about you. I was trying to finish my call! Ridiculous. Someone's trying to prove something, huh? I don't even think it's that nice a house. Do you? Fuck you. Come on. Gunther? Gunther? Donnie, what are you doing here! - We got your message. - "We"? Blake, Donnie, go. Clear. Clear. It's an elevator. Are you fucking kidding me? Who has an elevator in their house? - Let's go. Come on. - All right, come on. We're too late. He's already down here. He's already down here. Gunther is the greatest... - what the fuck? - Blake? - I don't know what's happening. What is going on here? - What is going on? Blake, I never said that you smelled like a dirty butt. - I think somebody edited this. - Yeah, you think so? - I do. - What is happening?! Who are you?! Why is the footage from that camera on that screen! - Are you fucking with us?! - Whoa, whoa, whoa! Who are you?! What is happening?! Get on the ground, now! What the fuck is going on?! Get on the ground! - What is going on here?! - Get down! Put your weapons down. I suck. I suck. Got my friends killed-killed-killed. Hello, my friends. I heard you've been looking for me. Well, welcome to my home. How do you like it so far? Hmm? Isn't it cool? Hi. My name is... And I'm a hitman. Now, when I found out that there were a bunch of assassins trying to kill me and film the whole thing, I was kind of confused. I mean, i didn't even know the guys. Why do they want me dead? But nevertheless, i got pissed off. Then, I got inspired. I decided to film my own documentary about their documentary. Now, at first, I wanted to make a fool of them. Oh, my god! Bull's-eye. Teach them kind of a lesson, if you know what I mean. Did he just try to throw poison at me? Give me the bazooka, will you? But quickly, I became fascinated with them. This is Ashley, my old teacher. Oh, he does not look good. And... he's down again. I followed them everywhere. And when I say everywhere, i mean everywhere. Shit! It bit him right in the neck. Did you see that? I even started to care for them. I didn't mean for that to happen. I mean, this is wild. No! Did they just blow up my assistant and my driver? Those fucking dick-holes. - Hello? - Hello. - FBI? - Yes, we're FBI. Yes, I would like to report a hitman. Wonderful. Thank you very much. You have no idea how great this is to finally meet you all face to face. - Just in time for us to murder you... - b-b-b-bup. Can we just put our weapons down and talk? What do you say? Cappuccino, anyone? I mean, my cappuccino's to die for. Come on. Let's go to the kitchen. Here we are. Careful. It's hot. Thank you. So you were just screwing with us this whole time. No. Studying you. Testing you. Infiltrating you. - Infiltrating? - Yeah. Remember this? That face is that face. It's the same. It's not that face. It's not even a good likeness. Hey, how about this one? I hope you do what you gotta do. You know, it was rad meeting you guys, and if you ever, ever want to find... Gunther, I'm right here! Can you believe those guys? They hated me. And Blake, you will love this one. Huh? Hey, come on in. He's passed out. He's a horrible kisser. This is so fucking messed up, guys. Eww! That's a good shot right there. I don't know if we can do this. But what the fuck? It's a joke. Hey, let's leave it. Hey, take this shot here. I told you it's hot. You're fucking sick. Is this a game to you, murdering our friends? Oh, you're gonna blame me for this whole thing? Blake, this all happened because of you. You planned this. You got your friends killed. And why? Your generation is so entitled. You want immediacy. "I want to be the best, and I want it right now." Well, that's bullshit. You know how I became the best? I did it the old-fashioned way. I earned it. How do you think I learned to ram my fist into someone's stomach and to break their goddamn spine? Or to rip out their heart and to eat it before they even know they're dead? I've been doing this for almost 50 fucking years, so I deserve to be the best. And you deserve what you got. So what happens now? My documentary needs an ending. So the question is, will it be a happy ending? What does that even mean? Well, as I've said, I became quite fond of all of you. The thought of killing you all almost makes me sad. Almost. Now here's my offer. And you get to choose. Option one, you go and make your own happy ending. You get a second chance at life. Retire from killing, obviously, and I'll let you be. I'll let bygones be bygones and the like. What's the other option? That I kill you right now. That's not as enticing. We'll go. What? No, Donnie, no. - Yes, Sanaa. - No. You should go. You know why you should. Oh, that's right. Congratulations. Oh, by the way, Gunther is a wonderful name for a boy. How rude. - You let my crew go, too. - Of course. Hey, guys, it's a wrap. Nate, Kimmy, you get out of here. Are you sure? Yes. We're done. Thank you. - Holy shit, that was intense. - Yeah. I guess you can turn that off now. Oh. Okay. And then there were two. What is it, Blake? Can we just be friends? I don't think either of us really want that. Exactly. Wouldn't be satisfying, huh? Well, maybe this will be. Bring in our guest. Now here is your second chance, Blake. This superb creature that you pushed away. I hope you believe me when I tell you that I knew nothing of your relationship when she and I hooked up. It never would have worked out between the two of us anyway, because she's too wild of an animal in the sack. Like pow, pow, pow! All night long. I mean, fuck, I'm too old for this shit. Besides, I believe that she's still in love with you. So, as you can see, you win. The two of you could walk out of here and live happily ever after. Or I could shoot you dead right now and live even more happily ever after. You could. Just want you to know I gave explicit orders to my team to shoot her to death if you kill me. So what is it gonna be? The girl... Or the glory? Lisa, I am so sorry. No! What a fucking idiot. I mean, he fucked up the whole thing. How am I gonna finish my fucking documentary now? Thank you. Now go. Go, go! Hurry! Run! You are fucked now! Oh, no. So you want to kill me, huh, you bitch? Go ahead. Kill me. Kill me. Do it. I'm right here. You son of a bitch. Have you changed your mind now all of a sudden? Huh?! You know why you can't kill me? Because you're a fucking loser. Gunther? Gunther! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! No, no, no, no, no! - No! No! No! No! No! Ahh! He got to the chopper. Who's this? Oh, this? I don't know. No, I'm kidding. This is Ava. She's four-months-old. She's been holding on to this finger for about two days. We have to show the camera. Watch this. Ava, whose toes are these? Ava, whose toes are these? - Ava, whose toes are these? - She's not going to answer you. - They're hers. They're her toes. - Yeah. Yeah, Sanaa and I got married. Mm-hmm. I converted to islam. My choice. It wasn't because rahmat threatened to kill me if I didn't. But did he, though? - Yes. - Yeah. You are my son now. Hmm? You know, I've killed many people. I've taken many lives. Is daddy being silly? Is he being silly? But Ava is the first life that I've ever given. And, you know, in a way she's given me life, too. Because my dad now has someone else to focus all that affection on. Okay, there she is! There she is! Okay! Okay! - Who knew he had more to give? - Come here! Where is my little goddess! Where's my little goddess? Yes. That face! I would... she fell from the sky, into my arms! Oh, my god! I can't get enough. I really can't. Blake? No, I haven't heard from Blake at all. No, the only thing I heard about that night was what you guys told me. I feel like I betrayed Blake. I have a lot of guilt about that. Not only because I... Failed him... But because I've actually never been happier in my entire life. And I owe that to Blake. When I got the wedding invitation from Lisa, i was like... finally. But... it wasn't him. It was some other guy. I met David through one of our regular clients. He's great. He's smart and funny. He sells time shares. And he wants a family. He loves me. When I got Blake's letters, I thought that he had changed, but that night proved that he hadn't. I'm not mad. Um... It's good to have some closure, actually. And I don't know what happened to him. I don't really care. For all I know, him and Gunther killed one another, because Gunther certainly hasn't come after me. Guess who. Well, I retired from the killing game. As a matter of fact, Blake was going to be my one last kill, but I just couldn't find that son of a bitch. I planned on killing Lisa, too. But then I came up with a better plan. I said to myself, what would hurt Blake more than death? She doesn't know it yet, but I was the one that introduced Lisa to her new husband. And a very special thank-you to sue, who set us up on our first date. But life is great. I mean, I kind of took my own advice, and I started over. I moved back to my home country, Austria, and I bought a beautiful chalet. Look at this. And it's still under construction, because it's two months late with the remodeling. But don't get me going on that one. Now, if I ever change my mind and want to whack someone, that fucking contractor is gonna get terminated. That I can tell you. Now the great thing is, I'm now running a garden co-op for retirees. It's called "reifes alter," which basically means, "ripe old age." We're growing organic vegetables and selling it at the farmers market, and all the proceeds go to the pleasant Eve retirement home. Ow! And I'm also coaching a girls field hockey team. And we ranked number one in the district, but we did lose the state championships. But of course, we don't listen to the naysayers. We never give up. Boom-boom-boom! But what I'm most proud of is that I rediscovered my first love. Music. Country-western music. I have a George strait kind of a sound, if you know what I mean. I even built a recording studio in my own house, and I just released my first single online under the name of cord billmont. I'm coming for you, Brad Paisley. Trust me. There you have it, the new Gunther. Happy ending. And, great. That's it. That's all you need? Yeah. No, I think we got it. Thank you so much, again, for letting us come by. Absolutely. Oh, you never found Blake, huh? No, he disappeared completely without a trace. Hmm. Of course. Well, I'm actually impressed that you found me. Because I had to move out of my house that night. I mean, there were cops all over the fucking place. I was so fucking angry. It was such a huge mess. I was pissed off. And Blake better spend the rest of his life running. Because if I ever see him again... I did it! I did it! I killed him. Did you see it? - Yeah, I saw it. - You saw it, right? You saw me do it? - Can we please go home now? - I killed him! Blake! - This is for Max, izzat, and yong and Mia and barold. - No, Blake, we just... - and Ashley! - Sure, Ashley. Let's go home. - I, Blake hammon, killed Gunther. - It's over. We did it. - And if anybody doubted... - hold on. Wait. - What? What's that sound? Shit, he's good... okay. Yeah, yeah, here, 'cause I have to tell you. Here we go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was some pretty good singing. Okay, here's the second verse. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Here she goes again. -Okay, that was good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was perfect. The first take is the last take. No, I don't want to do it again.