What we watched: It's probably best just to let Philip Rivers explain:

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Elsewhere

When in doubt, change the field dimensions: "The changes are expected to make it easier to hit home runs at Citi Field and make the stadium less daunting for the team's struggling power hitters. In particular, the Mets are making changes that could benefit David Wright, the 28-year-old star third baseman whose strikeout totals have soared and whose offensive numbers have gyrated and deteriorated since Citi Field opened. The shorter distances can also only help Jason Bay, a high-priced free-agent slugger whose first two seasons in Flushing have been a modest disaster, in part because he, too, seems to have been flummoxed by Citi Field's size." [New York Times]

Eckstein knows what would make Pujols stay: "Pujols does have a longstanding relationship with one likely candidate for the opening - third base coach Jose Oquendo. The former Cardinals utility infielder has been a coach with the club in each of Pujols' 11 seasons, and the two have worked closely through those years, in the batting cage or on the field as Pujols made the transition to first base. One former teammate said Oquendo's future could tie into Pujols'. ‘My initial reaction (after hearing La Russa retired) was, 'It needs to be Jose Oquendo,'' former Cardinals shortstop David Eckstein told FOXSports.com. "Albert would stay if Oquendo got the job.'" [St. Louis Post-Dispatch]

Your News Reporter Getting Scared As Shit Interlude:

Where will Grady go? "Could Grady Sizemore return to the Indians? His agent won't rule it out. ‘Grady is not going to rule out playing for anyone, including the Indians,' said Joe Urbon, Sizemore's agent. ‘The only difference is now he is able to engage with all 30 teams.' Sizemore became a free agent Monday when the Indians declined his $9 million option for 2012. They did exercise Fausto Carmona's $7 million option for 2012." [Plain-Dealer]

Don't tell anyone outside the family what you're thinking: "According to multiple league sources, commissioner David Stern was lobbied by some of Arison's fellow owners to levy the stiff fine. Arison and several of his peers have been at growing odds as the lockout has deepened—a rift which spilled over into cyberspace last week." [ESPN]

Merch: Managing editor Tom Scocca and contributing editor Drew Magary have both written books. You can buy Scocca's Beijing Welcomes You: Unveiling the Capital City of the Futurehere, and Magary's The Postmortalhere. Now do it.