Will Someone Please Help Me Make the Connection?

*****I'm sure I don't have to remind anyone in here that I am a Pisces with a terrble parania complex...I'm sure you all feel me, desire to feel or completely understand what it is like to be a water sign...This entry has to do with religion and my personal questions. If you know or are interested in religions please read on...I would really like comments but it's ok if you dont*****

So there is this guy named Jesus...who supposedly was "the son of God"...now with my current understanding I am not sure if God would need a only one human man walking around the middle of the sandiest, driest, most oppressed part of the earth during a time when there was no electricity, indoor plumbing, internet, phones to come and "save the world".

Assuming I buy into that....AWESOME!!! but its hard for me to see past the generation gap and the over injury to the translations of this story. Not to mention there were religions before them and people still who have never heard of a man named Jesus...to make the leap of faith that I believe in Jesus Christ the Son of God just the way the Bible depicts with the miracles and Virgin Mary's and Communion of Saints. The whole crucification thing...WOW MAD PROPS to this proposed Jesus. I do know if you existed that you chose to be human to show the race that we could believe in ourselves as the Child of God. And given us the faith to love another and believe in the One God. (Love)

So assuming all the above is true...I need someone to make the realization of greatness through sacrafice and make it work for me. It's the only way I see this ending peacefully. Why is it...then when I realize my heart's desire to make my amends public...I suddenly feel like a mindless sheep being read like a book. I then think my shell is vulenrable and suddenly I realize is fight or flight who cares if I'm not ready to deal with this or possible know the consquences of my knee jerk reactions...bc they are so rooted into my being that I have no control of them......

...So if anyone could tell me how jesus can help me do all that...I'd be a little less confused....But I think I'm leaning Buddist here.