What You Read Isn't Entirely What You Get

I was too pissed off, angry, frustrated and upset, and I didn’t feel like putting that in a place for the whole world to see. Plus, I didn’t want to write out a whole dramatic little pissy rant, only to calm down an hour later and instantly regret what I had written.

Ali On The Run is a positive, happy place. I like to keep things light, fun and mostly sarcastic, because that’s how I try to live my life. Sure there’s always something to complain about, but where’s the fun in that?

But I also don’t want this blog to be a place that’s completely detached from reality — so let’s talk it out.

First, a picture of Tyler, who is basically huge at this point and is clocking in at 5 pounds, 9 ounces. Animal!

Keep eating, buddy! That's how you grow!

In general, what you read here is pretty true to reality. Do I really really really like running? Yes. Was I a little bitch about being injured? Yup. Is it true that I ate $8 worth of 16 Handles once? Um. Yes. And I’m fine with it.

One of the best pieces of advice I ever received was from my first boss at my current company. He said, “No one cares how tired you are.” It’s true. People hate it when you’re like, “OMG I’m sooooo tired today, I got home soooo late last night.” Great, congratulations. It’s the working world, people — everyone is tired. On top of that, no one really cares how busy you are. It’s great that you’re working hard, but walking around telling everyone, “I’m sooooooo busy OMG,” really just tells people that you have enough time to convince people you’re busy, so how overworked can you really be?

Ever since my boss said that to me — I hadn’t told him I was tired or busy, we were discussing a magazine article — I’ve done my best not to complain too much or think I’m any busier or more stressed out than the next person.

Hence all the positivity you find here at Ali On The Run! Happy places! Happy things! Stress-free! Rainbows! Puppies! Sunshine is fun! Rainy days are beautiful!

Another lovely day in NYC. The upside to rain? You don't really get overheated on your run. Also, it's basically a free pass for showering. (Kidding, I showered. I swear.)

Of course, just because things are all warm and fuzzy here doesn’t mean that’s always true beyond the blog. Again, I consider myself a pretty happy-go-lucky-go-running-go-spinning person. I like to laugh and smile and make others do the same.

What’s my point? I swear I have one, and I’m getting to it.

I didn’t want to blog yesterday because I didn’t want to write a total downer post, and I was having one of those, “I feel like a miserable, worthless failure” days.

Oh yes, I have those days.

And unfortunately, lately, I’ve had quite a few of them.

I knew something was up last Thursday. I had a friend in town and I was attempting to be a good hostess by blowing up her air mattress and trying to find where Brian and I had unpacked and stored our massive stash of extra blankets.

I had the chills, which was weird. The windows in the apartment weren’t open, and no one else seemed bothered by the temperature in the room.

I didn’t think anything of it, but I was aware that I felt off.

And then the night sweats came.

Nothing drastic. I wasn’t soaking through any sheets — which is good because those suckers are brand-new and perfect — but I was definitely sweating, which isn’t normal for me.

Then Saturday came. Double Spin Saturday. My new favorite day.

It took me more than an hour to get out the door and down to the gym, and once I was there a spent a decent amount of time in the locker room bathrooms.

I assume you know where this is going, right?

All weekend my stomach was off, but I kept telling myself I was just eating poorly and not getting enough sleep (I don’t know why not getting adequate sleep would leave me keeled over in the bathroom, but go with it). Yes, I’ve been exceptionally excitingly busy lately, and no, I don’t handle my stress well, according to Therapist Brian.

This is Therapist Brian in action. We went on a little roadtrip this weekend, and he analyzed my life for an hour while I cried. Also I forgot to make a Roadtrip Mix. Best travel companion ever? I think so. And yes, those are Brian's riding sunglasses…not his real, everyday use ones.

Yesterday I was excited to go for a run. Ever since my little running hiatus, I’ve grown to really appreciate each run I get to go on, especially the ones that are totally pain-free.

While yesterday’s run was shin-and-hip-pain free, it wasn’t entirely devoid of pain…or rage.

I couldn’t leave the apartment for way too long. My stomach was a mess, and the all-too-familiar symptoms — let’s get graphic here, the blood in the toilet — were back.

I had to stop three times over the course of a 7.5 mile run. I was livid, angry and defeated.

The parts of my body that hadn’t cooperated for so long finally got back on board — just in time for the rest of me to break down…again.

I ran again today — 6.25 miles — and when I was running, it was amazing. My paces were ones I was happy with, but I had to take multiple walk breaks or “stand completely still so something terrible doesn’t happen” breaks. My route was basically just circling the bathrooms in the park. Did I appreciate even being out there? Definitely. I’m so happy my leg and hip seem to be calm. But I’m furious that my stomach is being a bitch, and that I’m just playing a back-and-forth game of unhealthiness lately.

Yes, I know it’s mostly my own doing. I know stress leads to flare-ups, and I know I need to take it easier on myself.

This weekend I’ll be traveling to Charlotte for my best friend’s wedding. After that, the search is on for a new doctor who can hopefully do something more for me than just throw me on steroids, which I pretty much refuse to ever go on again. Remember the ‘Roid Rage? I’m pretty sure if that happens again, my BFF Brian will be out the door faster than you can say, “But Crohn’s disease is sexy!”

I need to be better about managing my stress. I like to have a lot on my To Do list at all times, but lately I think it’s gotten a little out of control and the word “No” hasn’t made its way into my vocabulary. I take on a lot, I try to please everyone, and as a result my health is, quite literally, in the toilet.

Crohn’s jokes are hilarious.

I want to do my best in every area — I want to be the best Maid of Honor, the best friend, the best daughter, the best aunt, the best chocolate eater and the best I can be at my job, which, by the way, has been nuts lately.

I cannot complain about my job, though, because sometimes I get to spend days in DUMBO at photo shoots with the Broadway cast of Newsies.

Oh, I’ve also been keeping busy with these ol’ things:

Step 1: Unpack the boxes and assess the piles.

Step 2: Begin folding. Pretend you are having fun.

Step 3: Finish all the folding. Sort by size and color. Be excited about it.

Half the shirts are in the mail today. The other half are going out tomorrow.

And there are more for ordering coming soon. Stay tuned. (I think I say “Stay Tuned” a lot. I’m sorry.)

It’s hard not to get discouraged when it seems like this entire year so far has been a struggle with my body. Yesterday I got a bit of perspective when I was leaving Central Park after a mildly miserable run, and I ran past a three-legged dog.

Dang it.

That dog had to go and show me up.

I have both my legs. I have my arms, I have a roof over my head and I have wonderful friends and family all by my side no matter what I’m going through. I also have a tiny new nephew who needs his Auntie Ali to be fun and awesome, not sick and exhausted.

I can't hold my buddy if I'm in the bathroom. I mean, I COULD, but I don't think my brother would approve.

I know the biggest factor relating to my seemingly-deteriorating health lately is stress and my inability to handle it very well. Some days I can tackle my list of tasks like a pro and still have time to blow dry my hair. Other days, it’s just too much, and I get into the habit of beating myself up if I don’t “do it all.”

(More on “doing it all” another time. I have a lot to say on that little topic.)

Oh, Ali. I’m so sorry you have to struggle with this disease. I can’t begin to imagine how difficult it is. That being said, I admire your happy-go-running attitude and know that things will get better again!

I think one of the most debilitating aspects of your “do it all, be the best” approach is how you feel you can’t complain. You shouldn’t feel the need to justify a complaint, or as in this post, feel you have no right to it at all.

Things can always be worse, but it’s okay to be honest when things are crap enough as they are. You have two legs, yay, but I don’t think ANYONE would be on you for being upset by blood in the toilet. Let’s be serious. You don’t have a stubbed toe, and part of respecting your illness and your healing is respecting its severity. It’s okay to complain sometimes. No, not all the time to everyone, but your desire to be nothing but happy and strong isn’t maintainable.

I have a chronic illness too, so I’ve had the same issue. Mine causes chronic fatigue so avoiding the “I’m tired!” but still having an outlet is hard.

You are such a positive person, you’re allowed to have angry days! You’re a fighter and you’ve come back from these bad days before. You will again! And again! Plus, I am super pumped to get my I heart Sweat shirt. I hope you feel better soon!

I know you like to keep it positive (and we all love that and clearly love your blog) but it’s your outlet so I hope when you need to do a few roid rage posts you know we all still love reading and for once we can cheer you up!

I think it’s a great idea to find a new doctor. I swear I have had so many friends with long term health problems and one thing they all say is that you have to be your own advocate.

Hope things start to get better – and glad you have such a great support system!

Ali, I read your blog daily and I adore it. I think there are so many of us who try to be the best, to be perfect, and we beat ourselves up when we fail. No more! Remember, you can’t be the best if you’re not taking care of yourself. I know it’s easier said than done because I have the same issues, but relax, go easy on yourself and don’t feel the need to justify your actions to anyone. YOU know what’s best for YOU. Feel better, girl!

I am sorry! You are one of the most inspirational blogs I have read and it kills me to see your body rebelling against you. I hope you begin to feel better and even if you may be in the toilet for some of the wedding festivities, you will definitely be a star when your not.

a few random thoughts:
sing “totally f*cked” , “hasa diga eebowai” and “seize the day” when things get crazy – broadway combo of rage and optimism = happy. don’t be so hard on yourself. your $8 16 handles adventure is inspirational – I can’t seam to go there without spending about $7, but I have yet to reach 8 – game on.

So not fair of Crohns to be a little bitch just when your leg is feeling better. Hope you are able to have a fun and stress free weekend! PS. I am SO excited for my Sweat shirt! PPS. I LOVE your nephew’s teeny tiny little head. It’s perfect!

So sorry you are having a flare! But don’t beat yourself up for being upset about it. I had a friend once remind me that while perspective is always important, you should never feel bad about being upset over your problems — they are YOUR problems, and just because there are people in the world who have different ones doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to be upset over yours. Hope you feel better soon!

Just wanted to pop in and say that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being honest. I think your blog is a lot better than a lot of others out there because you don’t sugarcoat things or act like everything is fine when it’s obviously not. Don’t beat yourself up for being sad or angry–it’s part of life and you’ll feel a whole lot worse by bottling it up. Please keep being honest with us on your blog. Nobody’s life is all rainbows and puppies so if a blog is all of that all the time, it just reeks of being fake.

Personally, I’d rather read about “real Ali” than “let’s pretend everything is okay when in reality it’s not” Ali. I know it’s tough to feel like you are complaining all the time, but I do think that people appreciate realness. You are allowed to complain on your blog. (Although there’s a good chance that I’m biased, since that’s all I seem to do these days…).

I’m really sorry that this year hasn’t been off to the best start. I know there are many great things that are happening/have happened, and yes, you can’t ignore that, but I also understand the shadow that being injured and sick can cast over those great things. Sometimes I have a tendency to look at the world in black and white. I feel like I SHOULD be happy all the time because I’m getting married or moved to a place I love, etc. And people keep reinforcing that thinking by saying “This should be the happiest time of your life!!” But really – I want to tell them all that that’s a load of crap. Am I super excited about being engaged and getting married? YES. But that’s not the only thing that is happening in my life. And honestly, I think it’s better to acknowledge all the other crap than to walk around in denial.

That being said, I try not to let it bring me down all the time. I take a little while to feel frustrated/sad, and then I try to put all that in perspective. Some days I’m better about this than others.

Sorry for completely hijacking your comment with a long diatribe about my own situation. Once I get going, it can be hard to stop. 😉 All that rambling to say…. I’m REALLY sorry that you’re sick again, and that it’s just been one thing after another for you this year. I hope that after the craziness of this wedding weekend, you are able to take a step back, de-stress and let things go. xo

I’ve been reading your blog for several months now and I’m glad it’s your happy place! I’m also glad you’re real and let people know you have real struggles. Though I hate to read that it’s back, your attitude is totally inspiring. Hope you feel better!

So so sorry to hear about the flare. Stress is tough and its so tempting to want to do it all. I hope you can find your balance and mostly hope you can find a doctor who may help you to take a holistic approach to your recovery. Hang in there; I also really love your blog and I’m old enough to be your mother 🙂 PS also excited to receive my shirt.

aw friend, I’m sorry! But seriously, being angry and pissed and mad and negative IS NORMAL. And the frustration of so many flare-ups recently must be getting to you in ways I can’t imagine. I think you deal with it all INCREDIBLY well, and that includes the being pissed and bummed along with the positive stuff. I do think your positive ‘tude is a major factor in what gets you through everything though – it makes such a difference. HANG IN THERE, lady. I’m here if you want a Crohn’s friendly cookie and an ear to listen to 🙂

I’m glad I didn’t make you stop this morning! Loved seeing you for those 3.5 seconds!

This broke my heart a little bit. Part of me wants so badly to ship my mom and brother’s gastro physician into the city from Long Island for you. But seriously, you’re such a champion for being able to plan a 6 mile run around the park bathrooms. It’s funny how life can sometimes mimic the hills of Central Park. Just consider yourself at Harlem Hill…with a little luck, you’ll hit the reservoir again soon enough.

homegirl, I don’t comment much, and we’re not bff (yet? kidding that’s creepy) but i read regularly and I love your blog and i think on behalf of all your awesome readers, no one is going to hate on you for having a bad day. As a blogger, I’ve learned to a. not make excuses. Hey listen readers, this is my blog, my life and this is how it is. The great thing about blogging is that you choose what to write and really shape your image. Sure you can portray yourself as always rainbows and happy but no one expects you or your life to be perfect and the great thing that I have loved about your blog is that you keep it real. You share your struggles and your successes and your love of running regardless of how your feeling and the best part about all that? Is that there are people out there who RELATE to that and thats why we as your readers adore you 🙂 Hiding those struggles all the time though just makes you seem like the hulk hogan of perfection (and we all know he’s not real). Its your blog. Write what you want and don’t make excuses (and don’t make excuses for not posting either – we all have lives 🙂 )

Hang in there, don’t sweat the small stuff 🙂

PS CAN’T WAIT til you have more shirts so i can get in on that action since i missed out the last time 🙂

Ali, I think it’s safe to say that for all of us who read your blog, our hearts go out to you! Please know that you are admired for your strength, ambition, and wonderful personality traits. Thank you for sending out shirts when that’s the last thing you feel like doing. We’re cheering for you to feel better asap and to hit the running trails again soon!

Ali! Chin up, friend! But on that note…it’s okay to be a little angry and sad sometimes. Yes, we’re all busy and stressed and tired and have things to do, but that doesn’t mean that we take them all in stride alllllll the time. Especially when you have to spend all that time on the toilet. (womp womp…) While I love rainbows and sunshine Ali, sometimes there will be rainy day Ali (and it’s cloudy outside today sooo go with it). And it’s okay to talk about that too because it makes you a real person.

No research I’ve found has shown that exercising can make Crohn’s worse. My doctors have always told me that if exercise alleviates stress and makes me feel good, I’m fine to do it. I certainly haven’t been exercising more than normal — in fact I’ve been working out less than normal and taking more rest and recovery days — so I don’t believe there’s a correlation. Exercise makes me feel good, mentally and physically, so until a doctor says not to, I’ll keep doing what I can.

I’m so sorry you’re feeling so awful, Ali 🙁 I wish I could say something that would instantly make you feel better! Here is my attempt, found through googling “running jokes”. So creative, right? Hope it makes you laugh a little:

Essential Running Tips

1. Loosen up first. The ideal method is to throw back four fingers of scotch. If the urge to quit persists, double the loosening exercise.

2. Never run if you are a short person. Short people are built too close to automobile exhaust pipes. The noxious fumes get into their brains and make them crazy and they try to bite buses, which can be pretty dicey, especially if the bus has not stopped.

3. Always wear – a) a sports bra, and b) a jockstrap. (Strike out where inapplicable). The worst jogging injuries result from flopping. Never wear both at once. At least not in public.

4. Dogs can be a threat. If a huge, vicious dog charges you and lunges at your throat, say “There, boy down!”. If that doesn’t work, show him your membership card from the Humane Society.

5. Set your own pace. If you black out after five minutes, you are probably running too fast. If workman from the city come by and paint you green, you may be running too slow.

6. After jogging, check your pulse rate again. This time if you can’t find it, you are quite possibly dead. Look at it this way: your corpse is sure in great shape.

Ali, you are such a great writer! I loved the piece of advice from your boss–that is so true! I know that we all can complain about being tired/stressed some times, but it just drains the energy out of others when you are constantly doing it.

Anyway, I’m sorry you’re having another flare, good luck finding a new doctor. Try to stay positive and always remember the 3 legged dog (or women in homeless shelters, or people that just lost their jobs, or war refugees…you get the hint). 🙂

I also had great advice from a boss once, who handed me a stone and told me that I would be able to complain about things once I squeezed the rock and it broke. Trust me I tried…

But your health is nothing to ‘run’ from. What is the point of doing what you do, if that is tearing you up literally inside out? Be careful, stay positive but realize that your body is screaming at you to pay attention to it.

Having dealt with many ailments related to Gulf War Syndrome and fighting the world to find a doctor who could solve my issues, I realized that they will never really go away, I just have to manage my life with these things and know my limits.

I would suggest a log book, taking notes of activities, foods and drinks and then how you feel, so you can try to track what might be leading into these things. You can find your happy place by learning the things that make you go well and the things that make you run for the bathrooms better than any doctor. They can probably only explain why of what you find.

Take care and realize that it isn’t really complaining, sometimes it is just simply asking friends for help.

Dear Ali. Hang in there. Think about when you feel good and know that you will feel good again. Think about how tough every hardship has bad you. Running despite having to use the bathroom all the time kinda makes you a bad ass.

Totally agree on the “sooo tired, sooo busy” thing! I had a roommate in college and that’s all she talked about and that’s when I realized that no one cares and I’ve tried to shut my trap ever since. Giving yourself a better perspective is great, even if you have to beat yourself over the head with it, fake it til you make it and be happy for what you have! Love it!

Oh Ali. I’m so sorry you’re having such a bad time. I think you are generally pretty honest about when you’re being unpleasant, much more honest than I would be. So don’t beat yourself up about being all perky on the blog. I would do exactly the same.

Your comment about the three legged dog made me laugh a LOT. But you’re right. Kristin Armstrong wrote an amazing post ages ago about how she HAD to get her kids ready for school, she HAD to meet a deadline, she HAD to run today. And what a turnaround when she realized she GOT to get her kids ready for school, she GOT to run today. We are blessed to do even the little things in lives, many women would give their right legs to do them. That dog would!!

And I’m sorry the tshirts are extra work and extra stress but I AM SO EXCITED TO SEE THAT PILE OF SMALL TROUT ONES!!!! I wish you could see the happy faces across the country when they arrive. We are all so excited about our Tshirts!

Hi Ali,
As always, I love your writing. Your blog is literally actually truly honestly my favorite out of all 50+ I keep at home in Google Reader.

I know almost nothing about Crohn’s and have no personal experience with it. But I do know a blogger who has largely healed her Crohn’s by eating a very specific way. Maybe this is something you have already tried or already considered and decided against. This blogger isn’t a beast runner like you, but she is healthy and friendly and might be able to share tips or just commiserate? Her blog ishttp://www.gingeristhenewpink.blogspot.com

This sucks, definitely. I think one of the best (but also hardest, sometimes) things to do is LET yourself complain. I’m sure you do let it out in your private life, whether to Brian or your parents, or best friend…but this is part of your life as well. It is so frustrating when you feel like you can’t escape a chronic illness. I have one as well, and while I haven’t had a flare recently, when they do come I feel so emotionally and physically defeated. It’s very hard to cover that up and while seeing the positive is great, sometimes giving in and just feeling like crap is also great. Mine (while not Crohns), also has a great deal to do with stress and diet and its completely disheartening to feel like I’m making so many changes but know that eventually the flare will come. I think its amazing how upbeat you manage to be, but I like hearing this side of things too. Relatedly, please learn the word “no”, it is one of the best things that will happen to you!

Oh lady, I am so sorry. Its entirely OK to be frustrated, thats part of the game. Let yourself be angry for a minute, that might let out some of the tension and stress.
If you need any doctor recommendations, let me know … although I’m sure you have a hundred. Mine is at Mt Sinai.
And on another note, I literally laughed out loud at your thought of holding Tyler in the bathroom. One day you will be a mom and you WILL do that. NBD, it just part of the glamour that is Crohns. 🙂

I totally needed to read this today. I was having my own little pitty party this morning, and somehow even in the midst of venting about things that are wrong in your life, you always manage to stay positive. Your blog is such an inspiration and source of positivity for me, and so many others! It’s okay for you to be a little pissed–don’t forget that!

Clinical trials are always an alternative option. I have no idea if you’ve exhausted all other currently approved therapies anneed another option, but clinicaltrials.gov lists all the current trials being offered (you can filter by Crohn’s and your location to see if a doctor is participating near you). Some people are totally not into participating in trials, but thought i would throw it out there in case you were looking for something else to try!

So, I first read this post on Google reader on my phone. And the pictures didn’t load completely, but I could see the caption. It wasn’t until hours later that I realised by spending time in Dumbo with the Newsies boys, you were referring to the location and not the Disney elephant (like you know, as if you were in the ride). Which makes WAY more sense.

I can totally relate with the body not cooperating with the mind. 2012 has been a disaster for me so far, it’s why I started blogging, and how I have found other amazing people’s blogs.. Chin up, and think of all of the positive things in your life 🙂

I ran past a three legged dog today too while on a trail run! Keep your head up! I know that’s hard and maybe annoying advice. I have a brain condition, intracranial hypertension (brain pain) and I use to let it get me really stressed out but I have gotten better abou it. Yay sweat shirts! I can’t wait to get mine! I’m running a 4k tap ‘n run (four beer chugging stations on the course and beer at the end) this Saturday. Hoping my shirt makes it from NY to KY before Satuday. If not there will be plenty more races to show my love of sweat!

Great post! No one is happy, chipper, perky and fun 24/7 and I’d way rather read about the ups and the downs than feel like crap b/c I’m the only person who feels like crap sometimes. It’s nice to know I’m not alone, so hopefully you know you’re not alone. Life stinks sometimes. It’s cyclical. It’ll get better. And, I definitely think the great days outweigh the not-so-great-days. Hang in there! You’re a huge inspiration and I’m sure your great days are coming back faster than you know.

Hope this passes soon! You’re obviously mentally strong enough to overcome this. Your body will (hopefully) soon follow. And if you find a good GI doc let me know! I know all to well the woes of, ahem, blood in the toilet.

Right there with you, girlfriend! I’m glad to hear that you’re going to get in with another gastro to check out some other non-roidy options. When I first got sick I took a lot of fish oils and probiotics as well-couldn’t hurt anything right?! Might be worth a shot! Either way, feel better and get some extra sleep in 🙂

I think you hit the nail on the head when you saw the dog in the park and that put it all in perspective for you. I had a shit day too yesterday. I nearly burned my apartment down with a small microwave fire, my MacBook died, and my cake pop from Starbucks broke in half after one bite and fell to the ground. But, then I remembered that my sister in law was burying her father today, and that made me realize how good a day I was really having. Be well Ali.

First off, massive hugs from down under. Second… since there is huge demand for your shirts and they obviously take up a bunch of time for you to send out – have you thought of perhaps aligning with something like http://www.spreadshirt.com/sell-t-shirt-designs-C58 where you set the design/ commission but the work is taken out of it for you? Just a thought perhaps to check one (major) item off your to-do list… 🙂 (as a note, I have no affiliation with them at all, just purchased through them before so I don’t know all the pros and cons)

So sorry you are feeling bad, Ali. I can so relate to.so much of what you wrote. My crohns does much worse when I’m stressed, over tired and spread thin…as I am all the time at this busy time of the year! I had to postpone my remicade appointment by one week due to my daughters school schedule …my tummy isn’t happy with me at all…lots of bathroom stops over here too! Also, totally agree about exercise helping the crohns. ..my docs have all said its good for me, so I keep running. Wanted to also mention a drug calked Entocort to you. It’s a steroid but different than prednisone because its more targeted for the gut I believe. Not nearly as many side effects either. I’ve been on that several times and it’s helped a lot…just something for you to consider. Take care of yourself and I hope you are feeling better very soon!

it’s okay to be down. i’m having an EXTREMELY rough week. as in “how am i going to survive the next 2 weeks without having daily panic attacks/binge drinking?” i heard a quote that resonated: “Don’t quit. You’re already in pain. You’re already hurt. Get a reward from it.” I hope you find strength to carry on, fight the pain that is only temporary, and look in your nephew’s eyes and see pure love that makes you cry because you are happy, not sad.

I’m so sorry you have another flare up. That sucks! Have you ever thought about a life coach? I felt kind of stuck lately and so frustrated and all that, so I decided to start with an online life coach. So far it’s really good! She calms me down and it feels good to talk about it and then let go. Let me know if you are interested and I can give you her contact info.

Sorry to see a Crohn’s attack. I know a guy who was diagnosed this week with epidural lipomatosis (fatty deposits in the spine that make you paralyzed over time) *on top* of his Crohn’s. That’s gotta suck. He was looking for adjustable air mattresses, kind of like the one in the picture that relieves pressure all over his body.