Kate Middleton isn’t the only commoner rubbing shoulders with royals the week of April 29.

The Mandarin Oriental Hyde Park wants its guests to experience the royal treatment, too, so it’s offering a six-day package full of spa treatments, lavish meals, and tours led by members of the royal family. Priced from £11,300 (about $18,000) for one person, or £18,800 ($30,000) for two people sharing, the Royal Wedding Package includes a number of “special access” tours arranged by the Windsors and their associates. Guests will be privy to Kensington Palace, Westminster Abbey, Spencer House—the home of Princess Diana’s family—and Althorp, Diana’s ancestral home since 1508 and her final resting place. They’ll also visit Chartwell, Winston Churchill’s family home in Kent, where they’ll receive “a special greeting from a member of the Churchill family.”

The most mysterious offering, however, is a dinner on April 28—the eve of the royal wedding—that “will take place at the home of a member of the royal family, at their private London townhouse.” Given that Prince William and his relatives will be tied up with rehearsal dinners and the like, NewsFeed has no idea who this “member” will be. There’s always Fergie (who, as NewsFeed reported, was left off the royal wedding guest list).

Frugalistas who think $30,000 is a bit steep for a hotel stay should consider the “Pretty Little Princess” promotion run by the Swissôtel The Howard in London’s Covent Garden. Targeting little girls aged three to eight who dream of marrying a prince, the package costs £2,904.11 (can you figure out what date the price spells out?). It includes one night in a Grand River View Room, breakfast, non-alcoholic champagne for the kids and a trip in a horse-drawn carriage to see where Miss Middleton will become Mrs. Windsor. There’s also a “princess dress with matching fur cape, handbag, glitter shoes and silver tiara,” which NewsFeed suspects could be mail-ordered from Party Pieces, the Middleton family party business, for less than $50.

If the saccharine packages leave visitors feeling a bit ill, they should revive the anti-royalist within at the Metropolitan Hotel. Known for its edgy design and the all-night parties at its Met Bar, the hotel will host an “An-tea Establishment Afternoon Tea” from April 22 until May 8. Billed as “the perfect antidote to Royal Wedding hysteria,” the $40 tea includes a “God Save the Queen” cocktail to help drown out the wedding bells, and a “Quiche a la Fergie”—that’s chorizo and spinach on a pastry—which pays homage to a woman who chose to leave the royal family. By honoring rebellion with rebellion, the Met may prove the most successful package of the lot.