The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Friday, 20 July 2012

Border Guard Strike Universally Condemned.

The strike called by employees of the Border Agency has been universally condemned by politicians on both the left and the right. We asked Ed Milliband why he has added his voice to the condemnation; "Well it's the Olympic Games isn't it? People in this country are srupid when it comes to sport and they very annoyed if someone spoils their mindless enjoyment. So we can't be seen to support anything that will come between them and six weeks of watching other people running, jumping and throwing things." For the government David Cameron told our reporter; "When we kick people like those who work for the Border Agency we expect them to shut up and take it. Fighting back is simply not on, especially if they call a strike when it might actually be effective. I am particularly worried about the possible loss of profits for all those corporations who've turned the Olympics into a rip off of global dimensions." On the BBC's Radio 4 Norman Lamont, one of the last bunch of Tory conmen who deregulated the banking industry, was concerned that Britain might turn into North Korea overnight. "What message does this send to the rest of the world?" he asked. Maybe that some British people have enough backbone to resist the smug, self-satisfied spivs who have plundered the state for quite long enough?