…..nothing! No blue line was visible in the tiny result window, waiting triumphantly to make her heart soar, to fill her with euphoric happiness. With a sinking heart, she laid her head on the cold, cool sink counter. She had been sure this time she would see that evasive blue line appear, but again its lack of appearance taunted her! Turning her head forlornly towards the test stick laying still beside her, she angrily picked it up to hurl it into the trashcan. Eager to be rid of the evidence of yet another failed attempt. As her hand reached for the mocking, reminder of her inability to achieve a positive result, she gasped in shock! There before her strikingly bright, clear as the blue sky itself, shown a bold, discernible, solid, blue line! It had been only seconds since checking the test, which had caused her such heartache, yet there was the result she had yearned to see for years! An honest to goodness positive result!
Tears of joy sprang from her eyes catching her unaware. Her hands shook, as she cautiously carried her miraculous outcome, gripped gingerly in her hand, to show her husband. Walking slowly, feeling with every step she took, the line might disappear at any moment. In complete disbelief that this was really happening. With sweaty, quivering hands she handed the precious test stick to her husband. Barely capable of speech, she was only able to utter four words to him;
“I think I’m pregnant!”
Spent with emotional exhaustion, she collapsed into his arms, engulfed by his embrace, dissolving into sobs of joy. Her mind was a whirlwind of thoughts, shock over finally registering a positive result, planning how she’d share their news, dreaming of future holidays together, names for their baby, among various other idealistic thoughts experienced by a first-time mother. Her heart was light, she felt as if she was walking on air!
The next 18 weeks flew by quickly. She documented each week with photographs, she and her husband took a last vacation, a babymoon, if you will, to enjoy their last summer before the baby arrived. She went a bit overboard in the baby shopping department, buying anything and everything for their future bundle of joy. She experienced the joy of seeing her baby wiggling around inside of her on ultrasounds, and heard its heartbeat strong, and true for the first time. She was in a wonderful bubble of euphoria, eventually sharing at 13 weeks, their happy news with anyone and everyone!
Then the unthinkable happened at 18 1/2 weeks. There was blood, and she knew what that meant. A trip to the hospital confirmed her suspicions, her baby had stopped growing. Her weeks of happiness, the future she had planned for her child was ended, all in a matter of seconds. She felt robbed of her child, of her dreams for it.
Days turned to weeks, a hollow emptiness consumed her, where her baby had once been. Once happy and complete, she now felt lost, bereft of feeling. Seeking comfort through her writing, she wrote her thoughts and feelings about her lost child. This allowed her to find momentary reprieve from the sadness, her thoughts transferred from her mind to the page. Using writing as her security blanket to overcome this tragedy, slowly she began to heal. She emerged a changed, person, but enduring an experience such as this changes anyone. Through her creative outlet of writing, she further explored her other artistic gifts that had laid dormant through the years. She left the world of professional workers focusing solely on her writing and photography, creating a writing company to commemorate her lost child, who through her death, helped her discover a new life!

*For more about my story visit awritersgallery.wordpress.com to read my raw, emotionally poignant, short story publication Always In My Heart in the featured showcase gallery section of the site. Please leave a comment so I know you stopped by to read my story!

Reality harshly dawns, tears flow softly,
attempting in vain to cleanse the body of loss.
Heart aching in pain, steeped in longing,
yearning for a life; a brief glimpse of a face.
Unknown by your eyes,
familiar to your body.
Lost too soon; gone before this world,
Judged her, affected her, stole her innocence,
Forever pure, her soul remains untainted by time’s passage.
Vision of perfection in a mother’s heart,
the legacy of this missing link.
Every hope pinned to this angel’s existence,
washed away when she ceased to appear.
Heavy with grief’s burden,shoulders sag,
under the world’s weight, destined to revolve despite her lost love.
Internally struggling to stay afloat,
through waves of sadness, depression, and anger.
Wishing to exchange her presence, for a momentary glance,
upon the face of her child, anchored permanently to her heartstrings.
Willing to move Heaven and Earth,
to maintain that sacred connection.
The residual bond that eternally holds mother to child, surpassing earthly boundaries.
Felt strongest by the individual missing a piece of themselves,
the day the light of their lives was extinguished permanently.
Time advances, yet this cord of emotion,
remains forever attached.
Winding tightly around the heart,
reminder of what might have been.