Workplace Bullies Are Real, and Something You Can Totally Handle

Take that, office mean girls.

Sometimes, work can feel just like middle school, only with better clothes and way more at stake. And that means that it's sadly not uncommon to have to deal with an office bully. It could be your boss picking on you about the way you staple things, or a cubemate who always tries to take credit for your work. I've encountered some workplace bullies in my own life, particularly while doing research for my book, and I'm here to tell you there are ways to get past them. Ready?

Brush 'em off.

What your mom told you about playground meanies is still relevant here: Some people just like to get a rise out of you. If you're in a competitive industry, you might run into someone who feels that intimidating others is the way to get ahead. There's one great way to cut this person off at the knees—simply don't care. If the person is criticizing something other than your performance ("Could you maybe type a little less loudly?" "Didn't you wear those same shoes, like, two days ago? Do you not own any other ones?"), move along. If you're stuck in a one-on-one situation, plan your escape by needing a bathroom break or suddenly remembering a conference call you're late for. Avoidance, so long as it doesn't affect your work, is OK! Cutting out the negativity really can help.

Draw the line.

Everyone has a breaking point. It's often best to ignore a bully, but at some point you may want to fight back. Try to figure out what your breaking point is ahead of time. Is it when the comments switch from surface insults to pointed remarks about your gender, race, or sexuality? Is it when they start attacking your work performance and put your promotion or raise in jeopardy? Never lose sight of what really matters to you, and pick your battles accordingly.

Keep it as professional as possible.

When talking back to an office adversary, keep the focus as professional as possible. It's hard when the resident mean girl keeps making snotty comments about the way you look, but remember that you're getting paid to do a job, not to make friends. This will also help you decide if and when it's worth complaining to a boss or manager. "She's mean to me" is a hard thing to prove and can sound immature, but "her attitude is hurting our productivity" is a legitimate concern. Companies care about the bottom line, so keep your arguments as work-related as possible. (That said, if someone, say, busts out an ethnic slur? That is absolutely a work issue, in addition to being illegal and pretty gross.)

Find an ally. Or five.

If the workplace peace-disturber is after you, odds are great that he or she is also after someone else. It's a bummer other people are affected, but it helps to not feel so alone. If the bully is someone frustrating but harmless, you have other people you can commiserate with—and people to reassure you that it's not your fault. But if the antagonist is someone in a position of authority? The more people who are able to address their concerns to HR or senior management, the more seriously the complaints will be taken.

Have a Plan B.

I once worked at a company where my life was made miserable because of a bully. After carefully assessing the situation and coolly going to HR to discuss the issue, I was basically told to "just deal with it." Why? This person happened to be the company's biggest producer/money-earner, and he wasn't going to get fired just because of a personnel issue. It's sad but true for a lot of companies—they'd rather keep their cash flowing in than worry about two people not getting along. So what other options do you have in this situation? If management is sympathetic, you can try to be switched to another department or team. But you may also need to leave the company and find a place that values you. No matter how fancy a job sounds on your resume, it's not worth being desperately unhappy.