Thursday, June 23, 2005

movies tennis n flag blog

Wimbledon referee Alan Mills has had enough of noise pollution -- he wants to crack down on grunting tennis players.

Defending women's champion Maria Sharapova was recorded by a tabloid newspaper's unofficial "gruntometer" at 101.2 decibels on Center Court Tuesday.

The noise, almost as loud as a police siren, was said to have broken her previous record.

"It is something I would like to see stopped," Mills told Reuters Wednesday.

Movie linesSome organization of import – the American Film Institute? I forget– has released its top 100 movie lines of all time. I hate lists. And yet… I read them.

Anyway, here’s some of my favorite movie lines.

“Clyde, Clyde, I lost my shoes, Clyde. I think the dogs got ‘em.”BONNIE AND CLYDE

“If they move – kill ‘em.”THE WILD BUNCH

“She cut off her nipples with garden shears. You call that normal?”REFLECTIONS IN A GOLDEN EYE

“So. That happened.”STATE AND MAIN

“What are you gonna do today, Napoleon?”NAPOLEON DYNAMITE

“It’s called bogarting, and it’s very rude.”TAKING OFF

“You people of earth are idiots!”PLAN NINE FROM OUTER SPACE

“Goddam! You’re one suave fucker!”BLUE VELVET

And let’s not forget—

“Fuck you, you fucking fuck.”BLUE VELVET

And so. On.

The FlagThe House of Representatives, in its infinite wisdom, has voted for a constitutional amendment that would give Congress the power to ban desecration of the American flag. It may actually pass in the Senate as well.

Well, this is certainly a remarkably stupid waste of time. How may flags have been desecrated by U.S. citizens since we became a sovereign nation? Enough to warrant a constitutional amendment?

And what does desecration mean? Setting fire to it, that’s a no-brainer. But putting a flag in a commercial? Having a shirt made out of a flag? Draping the flag to cover a fat ass at a Nascar rally? Putting little chintzy paper flags the size of a postage stamp on sale at your local five and dime? What if you fly a confederate flag? Is that desecration by default?

The trouble is that the flag is ubiquitous. Some ways in which it is used are offensive to me – when it is employed in advertising as an incentive to buy a product or service, for instance. Or when some chucklehead waves it at a football game, or the equivalent. But the flag belongs to all of us. There is no law restricting its representation that I know of. Any jerk can wave it. It’s one of the perqs of a democracy.

But at least the hippie who burns a flag affords it some respect. You don’t burn your shoes in protest, after all, or incense.

Maybe what we need is a tighter control on ways the flag is represented. Pass some laws. You can’t put it on your clothing. You can’t put it in your ads. You can’t hang it in your yard or put it in your window.

It must be made of only the finest cloth, hand-painted by virgins.

On second thought, maybe what we need is just one flag, one true flag, locked up in a vault in Bethesda Maryland, and watched over by Mormon Marines. And nobody can look at it. Even the Mormon Marines have to enter the vault blindfolded. Why do we need to see it? We all know what it looks like. All we need to know is that it’s there.