Saturday, May 21, 2011

In the 98th minute of Arsenal’s game against Liverpool our title rivals were awarded a penalty. Incredibly, this was 16th penalty of the season and it seemed fairly typical that Liverpool would gift them the win so late on. An Arsenal victory would have meant there were just 4 points between us and them on the same number of games played.

Robin van Persie put the penalty away, 1-0 Arsenal, then spent a considerable amount of time celebrating what he thought was a crucial winner for his team. The referee then added this celebration time on to the allotted minimum amount of injury time, which presented Liverpool with those vital minutes and seconds to go on the attack.

They won a freekick which eventually landed at the feet of Lucas, with his back to goal. Bizarrely, Emannuel Eboue decided to jump on top of him, leaving the referee with no option but to point to the penalty spot. Fortunately for United, Steven Gerrard wasn’t on the field, so he couldn’t throw the game like he did against Chelsea last season. Dirk Kuyt stepped up and with the last kick of the game took the win away from Arsenal.

Vintage or not, Manchester United deserve the Premier League titleSir Alex Ferguson's 2010-11 team may not be a side to stir the blood but they certainly fought like champions

It was a much more confident Manchester United that won their latest and most historic title on the ground where they lost the last one. Opinion is still divided on precisely where United were blown off course in last season's run-in. After losing Wayne Rooney to injury in Europe the league leaders went down 2-1 at home to give Chelsea hope and impetus. Yet most agree it was the points lost in a woefully poor scoreless draw with Blackburn a week later that forced Sir Alex Ferguson to wait another 12 months to claim final dominance over Liverpool and the record books.

Ironically, this was another draw at Blackburn to add to a poor away record. In finishing second last year they won 11 away games to Chelsea's 10, and a somewhat patchy record outside Old Trafford has led to criticisms that this is an ordinary side by United's remarkable standards, allowed to win almost by default in a lacklustre league where Arsenal and Chelsea failed to find the required competitiveness.

Former Manchester United goalkeeper Peter Schmeichel was weft writhing in agony after a painful training ground prank several years ago went horribly wrong. His United team-mate Nicky Butt was egged on to press a red hot kettle against the big Dane's backside as they showered, but Schmeichel turned around and Butt forced the container on to his manhood.

Needless to say, Schmeichel was less than impressed with having his wedding tackle scorched and set off after Butt to exact retribution. Scorcher! Schemichel was left nursing a pain in the box following Butt's prank However, his attempts to chase down his assailant, dressed in nothing more than a towel, gave the on-looking United players even further cause for hilarity.

The details of the prank were revealed by former Old Trafford defender Jaap Stam, who told The Sun: 'Nicky made a move to put the kettle on to Peter's ass making the rest of us laugh and some inciting him to do so. 'At the same time Nicky had the audacity to put the kettle forward, Peter turned around to see what was going on and got the hot kettle against his ****!'

Kiss and make up: Butt was chased around The Cliff training ground Stam added: 'Peter, who went mad, wrapped a towel around his hip and went after Nicky. 'Nicky had to run for his life as Peter chased him all around The Cliff a few times leaving us in tears from laughing. Unforgettable!'

Following the nailed-on outcome of next weekend’s knock-about between Man United and Blackburn Rovers, when United will be crowned league champions for a record 19th time, Photoshoppers the world over will fall over themselves to reveal their comedy portrayals of Fergie’s famous quote of “We’ll knock Liverpool off their fucking perch – and you can print that”.

Links to images of fallen Liver birds will be strewn across twitter feeds, t-shirt designs of the ‘printed’ quote will be sold at the doors of Old Trafford, and animated gifs of the red-faced Scotsman fist pumping at the Kop End will push email servers to the very limit.

Not wanting to be outdone, YouTube video makers will also get in on the act by posting title-winning montage videos to the backdrop of Nickleback.

But when that quote was originally made, such was Liverpool’s supremacy, rumour has it that Alex Ferguson was bundled into a medical unit and tested for substance abuse. But this weekend will show that it was more than just wishful thinking.

Having spent the last 2 minutes trawling the web, I think I’ve found today’s equivalent of that quote.