Seattle, Washington, DC - (Dec 23) -
Jim Furby, CEO of the Furby Corporation of America,
announced today, that all 250 million of his eponymous
so-called "Furbys" were being, you know, like totally
and absolutely re-called on account of how some
of them had, you know, "accidentally" had micro
thermonuclear explosive devices installed in them by
mistake instead of something else that was supposed to
be installed in them, instead.

"We're extremely sorry about this little slip-up at our
Furby production facility in Seattle, Washington," said
Furby, intensely examining an almost invisible fleck of
crystal meth lodged under a fingernail on somebody else
as he spoke, "but, apparently, micro thermonuclear
explosive devices were, you know, 'accidentally'
installed in some Furbys instead of the Windows NT 5.0
software that runs them because, apparently, the box the
Windows NT 5.0 software comes in looks almost exactly
like the box that the OEM version of Sarah Lee Micro
Thermonuclear Explosive Devices comes in, so
accidentally confusing one with the other was a natural
mistake that anybody could have made, especially when
pushed well beyond the limits of human endurance by the
demands of rabid so-called 'holiday season'
materialisms."

Furby made it clear how that like though they were
recalling ALL Furbys shipped, NOT ALL Furby's had micro
thermonuclear explosive devices accidentally installed
in them.

"Not all Furbys," said Furby, "had micro thermonuclear
explosive devices accidentally installed in them.
Nooooooooooooo. Some Furby's had sea-launched cruise
missiles accidentally installed in them, instead, and
will only launch, therefore, if the Furby is
accidentally dropped in a bathtub."

Furby also indicated like how even if it were
dropped into, like, a bathtub and launched, the cruise
missiles did not have nuclear warheads, so like, you
know, like why fucking even care?

"Apparently," said Furby, "the problem arose at our
Seattle production facility, because the box that the
RJR Nabisco Sea-Launched Cruise Missiles comes in, looks
almost exactly like the box that the OEM version of
Sarah Lee Micro Thermonuclear Explosive Devices comes
in, and it was a mistake anybody could have made,
especially when operating at the very edge of
consciousness where you could seriously fall off and die
from suddenly understanding too much."

Furby also noted, however, that many of the workers at
the Seattle plant had also not been stoned at all for
well over 12 hours and so were fucking up royally just
from the utter fucking weirdness of working, you know,
"straight."

Furby also noted that how like on the brighter side of
the whole affair, it was like interesting to note that
though the box that RJR Nabisco Sea-Launched Cruise
Missiles comes in looks almost EXACTLY like the box that
the OEM version of Sarah Lee Micro Thermonuclear
Explosive Devices comes in, and the box that the OEM
version of Sarah Lee Micro Thermonuclear Explosive
Devices comes in looks almost EXACTLY like the box that
Windows NT 5.0 comes in, the box that RJR Nabisco
Sea-Launched Cruise Missiles comes in looks ABSOLUTELY
NOTHING AT ALL like the box that Windows NT 5.0 comes
in.

Go figure.

[Oh yeah. Since the micro thermonuclear explosive
devices in the Furbys are all set to go off at noon on
December 25th, it is highly recommended that people
owning one or more of them immediately put them in the
mail and return them directly to the Reverend Moon c/o
the Unification Church or the Washington
Times, as soon as possible. Thanks.]