WASHINGTON, D. C. - Now that he is seeking the presidency, Senator Barack Obama is contemplating a name change, insiders say. His name is too difficult for voters to remember, they contend, and, even worse, it sounds like the name of terrorist Osama bin Ladenâs first name.

âPeople wonât vote for a candidate whose name they donât recognize,â Obama advisor, Valerie Jarrett, told UnNewsâ reporter Lotta Lies, âand they sure as hell wonât vote for somebody whose name reminds them of the bastard whose terrorist attack on New York City took down the Twin Towers.â

According to sources close to the senator, heâs thinking of changing his name to either Hillary Rodham Clinton or to just Hillary Clinton because this is a name that is already familiar to Americans; sounds female, which should help attract female voters; and already belongs to the Democratic Partyâs frontrunner.

Sen. Clinton--Billâs wife--said that she would oppose Obama if he tries to steal her name. After all, she pointed out, she had to wed Bill Clinton; remain married to him, despite his numerous affairs; and pretend that she loves him in order to carry his name. âOnce, on our honeymoon, despite my lesbian leanings,â she recalled, shuddering, âI even had to have sex with him, as Chelsea proves.â She isnât about to give up her name without a fight, she vowed. Besides, she said, having two Hillary Clintons on the same primary ballot would confuse voters even worse than did hanging chads.

Neither Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi nor PresidentGeorge Bush would comment on the matter, but Rosie OâDonnell said, âI always thought, if he changed his name, Obama would go for Pelosi; heâs such a Nancy boy!â