This patient support community is for discussions relating to the challenges of parenting children (age 6-12), including physical development, handling school & classes, emotional development, cognitive development, and games and activities.

out of control 9 year old girl

My 9 year old daughter is out of control. She is wonderful and happy around friends and at school, but when home with her family is usually angry, defiant, aggressive, screams at parents and is rude. She refuses to get up in the morning, get dressed, do her homework after school or participate in any chores. She is hostile toward her older brother (11) and lashes out at him. For example if she is sent to her room for screaming at her mother when told to turn off the TV and do homework, she will punch her brother as she walks by. She has no empathy for other people. She is seeing a therapist, and she tells the therapist that she is stressed out at school, so they talk about ways to cope at school. Her therapist asks as if this is no big deal and has recommended her to be seen 1 time per month. She has had a tough teacher this year, but it doesn't seem reasonable to me she act this way. She has been grounded, had privledges taken away, etc. She makes the rest of the family so miserable when she is on punishment, I feel that we are being punished more than she. I don't know what to do.

ME 2!!! I feel 4 u, I really do, I am having so many of the same issues w/ my 9 yr old girl, but they are not going over so well at school either. I am at the point where I want to give her a little bit of her childhood back and feel it's my responsibility to help her get it.
There is not one aspect of her life that is NORMAL at this point, taking a shower is a chore, she picks a fight about absolutely everything, is incredibly drawn to any negativity and picks up on all bad behavior she may encounter. Apparantly she has seen quite a bit because the things she is doing were not learned at our house!!
I fear for her younger brother and sister who will and do pick up on the things she says and does, such as hitting, swearing, threatening and the constant tantrums. I am unable at this point to discipline her without her threat of killing herself, which is very new and I believe to be unfounded but am afraid to assume that.
She has always had behavior issues and they are continuing to spiral out of control without the correct care. I hope for you as much as I do for myself to find some answers. A woman at work tells me that I was chosen to be her mother for a reason and I always hear that in the back of my head which helps to keep me calm throughout some of the days, since there is never one without an "issue" anymore. Hang in there. My biggest problem is that I feel my lacking skills at being assertive are keeping me from getting her the help she needs, but I am tying and will continue to do so.

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