The Hoops Cooperative presents

Menu:

CHINA—The shock withdrawal of the South Dragons from the 2009/10 NBL competition puts the league’s number one coach, Brian Goorjian, in a state of limbo.

"I’ve had so much experience with teams folding on me that I’ve developed an ability to sense when we're about to hit rough seas, so to speak," Goorjian told our source.

"Last time my team went down in troubled waters I'd the opportunity to promptly jump off the sinking ‘Titanic’ ship to a luxurious Kings vessel and set sail towards three consecutive championships," Goorjian said straining to extend the analogy further. "But this time it feels like I've been marooned."

"Those Kings days were almost too good to be true," Goorjian added. "That Johnston guy was so good at making everyone feel so comfortable with the situation. Oh, and he gave me a briefcase full of cash the first time I met him. Unmarked Russian currency."

Goorjian admits that he was manipulated by Tim Johnston. "He was such a smooth talker. I even bought some of his other product, “Placebotics”, which looked and tasted suspiciously like vitamin C pills, but apparently had wonderful healing properties, supported by substantial medical evidence that he was going to show me later in the boot of his car."As often as Goorjian teams fold, he didn't foresee such an early demise of the Dragons. "Usually it's because I demand the best roster, and we all know that's going to cost well over the salary cap. The same was the case with the Dragons, but I thought it'd be at least another year or two before the funds ran out," Goorjian said.

Following the difficult experience of directly working for a fugitive criminal, Tim Johnston, and indirectly working for a criminal organisation, the illegal cartel-running VISY, Goorjian is adamant that he will only now work for a reliable organisation that is free from immorality and controversy. "The Chinese Government has told me that they only have good intentions," Goorjian said grasping a shiny steel briefcase.