Toxic Colleague

The RIGHT Way to Deal with a Toxic Colleague

You may be fuming on the inside, but no one will ever know it with these tips

The RIGHT Way to Deal with a Toxic ColleagueYou may be fuming on the inside, but no one will ever know it with these tips

Do you have a cube neighbor who’s a major Debbie Downer or Negative Ned? You’re not alone if your colleagues put a serious cramp in your work-week: Seventy-eight percent of people say that a coworker’s negative attitude is “extremely debilitating” to team morale, according to a recent survey conducted by Fierce, Inc., a leadership development and training company. Fierce, Inc., talked to more than 1,000 customers about what they call “toxic employees” for the survey.

Difficult coworkers are more than just annoying—they can pull your energy and focus away from your job, says Julie Jansen, career coach and author of You Want Me to Work With Who? Eleven Keys to a Stress-Free, Satisfying and Successful Work Life…No Matter Who You Work With. And if the situation gets serious enough, they can even become a reason for you to transfer departments or leave your company altogether—all of which is obviously less than ideal.

And while you may feel like reaming out the guilty party in the middle of your office, that’s definitely not going to earn you any points with your boss. Instead, use these tips to keep your cool while taking care of the problem:

Keep a Record
“It’s easy for someone to say, ‘That’s not true. You’re making that up,’” says Jansen. So as soon as you realize that a coworker’s no-good behavior is a pattern, start writing down specific examples, she says. “You need the documentation for a variety of reasons: if it gets too out of hand, if you need to explain it to a third party, or even if it turns into a formal complaint.”

Prepare
If your colleague’s actions are affecting your productivity, then you’re going to need to have a talk with this person. Use those examples you wrote down, as well as your reason for why this is a business issue and not just a personal one, and come up with a script. Jansen suggests rehearsing it at home with someone who will stay mum. Then ask your colleague if you can go somewhere to chat and say your piece. One key, says Jansen, is to concentrate on this being a professional discussion—versus a confrontation. “If you set yourself up to think, ‘Wow, I’m going to confront her,’ that guarantees that you’ll project a tone that isn’t respectful and professional,” says Jansen.

Get The “Why”
Once you’ve said what you have to say, sit silently and listen to what your coworker wants to share, says Jansen. Ideally, he or she is going to open up about why he or she is behaving in such a crummy way. Maybe the colleague that’s stealing your ideas is really insecure and worried about how she’s viewed, or maybe she just wants a promotion over you. Everyone has an agenda, says Jansen. If your coworker isn’t so forthcoming, then ask a lot of open-ended questions, says Jansen. You want to get to the root of the problem so ideally you can address it.

No go? Then simply communicate that what he or she doing is not OK. “If nothing else, the person’s going to be smart enough to walk away and say, ‘They’re onto me, so I have to decide if I’m going to keep doing that or if I’m going to be more careful,’” says Jansen.

Handle Your Emotions
Of course you should try to stay collected and neutral during this talk. But let’s face it: You’re human, so your feelings might get the best of you. “Emotion demonstrates passion and caring,” says Jansen. “Try to be calm, but if you get teary, just say, ‘”I’m teary because this is really important to me.’” Don’t pretend that it’s not happening, she says, and definitely don’t apologize for it—that diminishes the importance of the issue.

If All Else Fails, Escalate
It’s not usually possible for someone to do a complete 180 overnight, so don’t expect an immediate switch. You might need to have the conversation more than once. If, though, you have it three times and nothing’s changed, then you should evaluate whether or not it’s significant enough to take to your boss or HR. It is? Use those examples you documented, focus on how it affects you professionally, and explain what you’ve done to handle the situation so far.