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He may ask, “What’s a beautiful girl like you doing single?” Then, you go on about your woes and your divorce or the guy that dumped you. You give a whole dissertation. He’s thinking, ‘I don’t know what he knew that he left her but he must have known something!’ And he’s gone. Save that stuff for after he’s in love with you and then tell him the details.

SINGLES SCENE

Finding a Man Worth Keeping

By Jennifer E. JonesCBN.com Producer

If you’ve found yourself saying these phrases, Victorya Michaels Rogers feels your pain. She didn’t walk down the aisle until she was almost 35, and the road to wedded bliss was rocky with heartbreak, loneliness, and frustration. She talks candidly with CBN.com about how to find “a man worth keeping.”

Jennifer E. Jones: You’re married with kids now. Why did you write a singles book?

Victorya Michaels Rogers: There are so many beautiful, wonderful girls who are not doing these easy ten secrets. They’re not married yet or they’re with really bad guys. I’m on a mission to rescue as many of these women as I can.

Jennifer: I’m sure in doing this you’ve encountered a lot of those women who say, “I’ve been single for so long. Why can’t I find anyone?”

Victorya: And then when I talk with them a little bit and we go through some of these secrets, they say, “Oh, I don’t do that. Oh, I don’t do that one.” The biggest one is that all these women are still calling guys. They go on a date, and they call them the next day. Be old fashioned. Guys like the chase.

Jennifer: You have two themes running through this book: “you are a prize worth winning” and "you need to find a man worth keeping.” Was there a reason why you kept going over those?

Victorya: I wanted women to face reality. There is some hard stuff in here – like the chapter on “Take an Honest Look in the Mirror.” There are a lot of beautiful women who are single because they can’t get a good guy to chase them. There are a lot of women who could be beautiful but they’re frumpy, or they slouch their shoulders, or they never smile, or they wear too much makeup. This happens a lot: girls will dress really trampy who are the nicest girls. They look silly. Just dress like the lady you are inside.

Jennifer: That chapter was one that jumped out because you are brutally honest here – telling women to remember to take showers every day and to dress up. What was your motivation?

Victorya: I knew that a lot of Christians were going to say, “You’re being shallow.” Too many times you’ll have dirty fingernails, or you didn’t brush your teeth, or you have body odor. There are ways you can fix any problem. I do address plastic surgery. I tried to be very clear that not everyone should do this. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong. I’m just saying you should evaluate it. I reveal my encounter with a little bit of reconstruction. I had a broken nose that I fixed at 18. I thought I would be beautiful. The result? I wasn’t suddenly noticed by everybody or getting all these dates. But I felt more confident. So for me, it was worth doing it even though my expectations weren’t met.

Jennifer: Another great chapter is about dating dos and don’ts. There are so many things we do unconsciously that no one ever tells us that we shouldn’t do. What are some of the things we do that are driving men away?

Victorya: It’s most important to get that second date. What always worked for me was make the first couple dates all about him. You are interviewing them. You have your agenda: Is this guy right for me? Start with easy questions: talk about the weather; what’s his favorite sport; what movies has he seen… And then get into the spiritual talk. “Tell me about your upbringing.” “Do you go to church?” Casually get into it…. Answer questions quickly and by date #3, then start talking about yourself.

Jennifer: Why haven’t we been doing this before?

Victorya: Because we so want them to fall in love with us and entertain us. Let him walk away from the date saying, ‘I had a great time. Gee, I wonder why?’ Because we were talking about you!

Jennifer: Are there any Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, conversation issues that you address? For example, we’re saying or doing one thing thinking it means this but the guy is thinking something completely different?

Victorya: I talk about the secret: “Don’t Freak Him Out.” I encourage you not to see him more than three times a week during the first three months. Guys try to push for more than that. If they really like you, they want to see you 24/7. They’re going to get sick of you, and you don’t want that. So set up those boundaries. Let him go even when you’ve seen him too much. Don’t chase after him. Let him miss you.