In January of 2005, my son C. died. Then he was born. These are the 8 million pieces of my life, as I pick them up,one by one.

And now, featuring the addition of our second beautiful child, BB and his lovely sister E.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Home again, home again...

Fabulous wedding.

Stressful moments.

Whilst out killing time, a crazy old lady sitting on a bench in the mall yelling "when's the baby due?" across the corridor at me.

My expanding belly making my pregnancy the worst-kept secret of the evening (who cares, no one asked me about it, so I don't care if they "figured it out"). It was both mildly amusing, and slightly annoying to hear "good luck with everything" from those who had figured things out.

I bought myself a Snoogle,* in the hopes that it will making left-side sleeping possible and bearable. Something that I wasn't fanatical about with my son, and something that I am fanatical about now (one more on the list of would it have made a difference?). I slept on my right side, and sometimes woke up in sort of a half-on-my-back position, despite the mountains of pillows that I propped on all sides of me. I slept on my own for the last months of pregnancy, with hip pain, peeing in the night, and 15 pillows making it impossible to do anything else. The Snoogle takes up much less room, and will hopefully make the pain less and bed sharing possible. The last thing I want to do is keep away from my husband from October through January.

Here's another comment that I want to add to my list of hates: "I am so glad to waited until you were ready to get pregnant again." I recognize, of course, that this is partly our doing, since we told less than a handful of people that we were even trying. But isn't that typical? Most people don't have a problem with sub-fertility or infertility, and can't even imagine that it is possible to take more than 3 months to get pregnant. I imagine most people will think the same - that we waited. Which is nice, in a sense, that they acknowledge our son's presence in that way, but is upsetting in that it negates our hellish, year-long expedition into charting, semen analysis, HSG, internal ultrasound, worry, and heartache. We have had a taste of sub-fertility, and my respect for those with fertility issues is enormous. So this expectation of immediate pregnancy after "waiting" makes me feel irritable, on behalf of all couples who deal with fertility issues.

Glad to be home for a couple weeks before undertaking yet another similar expedition.

*I think it is hilarious that the company shows, in its suggested sleeping positions, a very pregnant woman sleeping on her back. Is it just me, or does anyone else thing that the model is wearing a prosthetic tummy and no one at the photo shoot had a clue of how dangerous that could possibly be???