My Testimony of Leaving Islam

When I was a child,
I used to go to the mosque every day. I used to go there for
praying, reciting the Qur'an, reading ahadith, and studying
tafseer.

Our teacher and
other Islamic scholars told us that as Muslims, we are the best
people in the world. We were also told that Saudi Arabian Muslims
are the only true Muslims in the world, and as such, the world
must follow us (the Saudi Muslims). Without any question, we
steadfastly believed our Islamic scholars and wondered why despite
such exhortations the world, by and large, does not emulate us.

We were so proud of
being the true Muslims.

But now, I take this to be a lie.

Readers, I would
vouch that what I studied in my mosque is exactly what Bin Laden
do. You could unmistakably say he is an ideal Muslim. Believe me,
almost all our people (in Saudi Arabia) support him and love him
very dearly.

We can't blame Bin
Laden for this; instead, we should blame Islam, the religion of
bin Laden, It is because he is simply following his religion to
the letter. He is, without doubt, a true Muslim.

My story of leaving
Islam started when I was in grad five, I read in sura al-kahf,
ayat 86 (18:86), that when Zu-Alqarnain had reached the point of
setting of the sun, he found many people there suffering from the
intense heat This was because they were so close to the sun. Same
thing happened to him during the rising of the sun.

I started thinking: the earth is not flat; it is almost like a
ball, so how could he reach the edge of the earth? I asked my
teacher this question. He was confused with my question. He didn't
give any answer. He told me just to believe what the Qur'an says.

This was the
beginning of my suspicion about the truth in the Qur'an.

Then I had a huge
surprise when I found that if I wanted to be a good Muslim I must
keep away from non-Muslims. A greater surprise for me was when I
discovered that loving any non-Muslims would make me a kafir
(non-believer).

Along with many
other activities, I like going to movies, listening to music and
making friends with athletes, singers-most of whom are
non-Muslims. This means, I actually had become a kafir. I was
taught that, to be in Paradise, I must unconditionally love Prophet Muhammad, whom I had
never seen, more than anyone else, or I will surely go to Hell. I
became so perplexed.

I listened to my
Imams and was disturbed when they used abusive language to
describe the non-Muslims as the grandsons of monkeys and pigs. I
thought if anyone commits a sin, this should not be our problem;
Allah, in due course, will punish him/her. Why do our Imams have
to condemn these people in such a derogatory manner?

To my surprise,
many of my Muslim friends and our Imams told me that it was my
duty to revile and ridicule the non-Muslims, since they are the
enemies of Muslims. When I refused to abide by the Islamic tenet
of deriding the kafirs, they labelled me as a weak Muslim. They
even informed me that a Muslim stranger is better than an old
trusted kafir friend.

But I was adamant
with my questions-I would not let them go unanswered. The most
pertinent question on my mind was: how could a 'God' who claims
Himself to be filled with mercy, but at the same time, asks his
people to hate one another? Why God' has to threaten that He
would burn and torture people who do not believe in Him? Is He
really that needy? Is it so important that we consistently worship
Him?

I started thinking,
very deeply. I searched the Qur'an and found that everyone's
destiny had already been decided by God. God had already
determined about who will be in Hell and who will be in
Paradise! So, logically, there is
no need for humans to pray. When I put this question to my
devoutly religious friends, they became angry. They asked me how I
could know in advance whether I should be Hell or in Paradise. I told them that since our destiny has already been
ascertained by God, praying or not praying would not really make
any difference.

They thought I was
crazy since I have developed doubt about Allah and the Qur'an.

This was my start
of hating Islam. But I was helpless. In the society in which I
live I was not able to do anything openly which goes against
Islam.

In 1999, my mother
fell sick and eventually she died. This was a turning point in my
life. I thought: we, the Muslims, are not really the best in the
world. Just like any other human being, we too get ill and die,
after all. I also came to the conclusion that if we worked hard we
should be successful, if we did not, we are bound to fail. There
is no such thing as 'Allah's will'. There is nothing so special
for the Muslims.

When I look around
the Islamic world, all I find are utter injustice, unabated
discrimination against women and kafirs and blatant abuse and
violation of human rights, and not to talk of the absolute
political corruption in all Islamic countries. In fact, there is
nothing good in our Islamic world to talk about. Most of the
Islamic world is in deep trouble, whereas there is relative,
peace, prosperity and freedom in most non-Islamic countries.

I asked myself,
"What is the reason for this?" The only plausible answer to me was
Islam. I am now quite certain that Islam is a stupid and wrong
religion.

Although my hatred
of Islam increased, I was unable to leave it. I could not still
bring myself to the reality that Islam could be that bad. I
thought it might be that the problem was with the people and not
the religion.

But on
September 11, 2001,
I saw the real face of Islam. I saw the happiness on the faces of
our people because so many infidels were slaughtered so easily. I
was shocked at the gloating of our people for killing innocent
kafirs. I saw many people started thanking Allah for this
massacre. Our Islamic people said that Allah gave us our wish, and
that this was the beginning of the destruction of kafir countries.

To me, this was
sheer inhumanity.

Then, the Imam
implored Allah to help the Taliban against the US army. I was
angry. I stopped praying.

In 2004, I met my
Pakistani manager, who, I believe was anti-Islam. He made me feel
human being again. He let me believe that I was, after all, not a
crazy person. I stopped visiting the mosque, quit praying and
abandoned Ramadan fasting. Last Ramadan I did not observe a single
fast.

Now I feel so happy
and relieved. Without any guilt or fear, I now can watch movies
and listen to music. I feel I am a human being and I am free to do
whatever I like.

I shall, from now
on, tell as much as I can, the truth about this evil religion of
Islam.

Thanks to this
website, I no longer feel lonely. I know now that I am not wrong.