Window to the past

Gender:

Male

I can't remember exactly when I began truly to masturbate, because the definition of masturbation is never quite the same when you ask different people. I cannot remember because my first sexual sensations in my opinion were unique. In my world they were mine, and in my world no one could feel the way I did. However, I can estimate that I began to develop sexual feelings when I was about 10. My parents left my penis intact (uncircumcised for those not familiar with the term), and around that age I gained the ability to fully retract my foreskin. This usually happened during bathing sessions, as I was taught and understood quite well the importance of good penis hygiene. Anyway, pulling back my foreskin sent an interesting feeling through my body. I wasn't introverted with this little discovery — I was quick to ask my brother, who was two years older than I was, why my body felt so good when I pulled back the foreskin. He did not understand the question (so he said).

For several days I was fascinated by this "good feeling," as I described it. Eventually I realized that repeatedly pulling back my foreskin and then replacing it made the "good feeling" last longer. With this new extension of sensation, I got even more curious as to why this happened. I never did focus all of this pleasure directly on my penis; rather, I noticed that areas like my hands, feet, face, and even my mouth felt good when playing around with my foreskin. I had asked some close friends if they'd had similar experiences with their penises, but they never talked about such things. However, I did not interpret this as isolation...oh, no. I thought I had done something no one else could do, and this little esteem boost totally enveloped me in this oddity. This was crucial to what I feel is one of my greatest achievements, which is a close relationship between physical and mental fulfillment in sexuality.

Time passed, perhaps a year. My "uniqueness" was still mine. I was a bright little boy, and so eventually my little foreskin-manipulation sessions developed into what can be classified as "average masturbation." Unlike what you hear from most people, I didn't masturbate often at night before bed. We lived near a large deciduous forest, and most days I was with friends doing what kids do. But some days I would go to the woods for the day (don't worry, I was close by and out of danger). I liked to get naked — it felt right — and so some days I would get naked in the woods, alone, surrounded by incredibly green hues on everything; and I would masturbate. I currently use my left hand, but at the time I used only my thumb and forefinger and would move my foreskin up and down over my glans. I wouldn't totally retract my foreskin, because I developed a preference for keeping the warm sheath gliding over my head without exposing too much. There I was, naked in the woods masturbating, doing something I thought only I could do, and I just sat staring at squirrels or birds, slowly moving those fingers along with my foreskin gently over the glans. With every stroke I took, I focused on my body, its feeling, its purpose — I mean, why did this happen? — and this ever-important thought: This is mine, and no matter how bad things in life get, this will be mine to keep forever. This mental pleasure, combined with the innocent physical stimulation, often made me feel like, well...the language of all nations of a thousand years could not describe my harmony. Being 11, I felt truly advantaged.

I did not want to be proven otherwise, even if I could be. But eventually I reached junior high school, and the oh-so-popular health class. Yes, as in most health classes, one day we had a discussion about sex. Somehow I realized that my friends had the same ability, too. I then knew that my uniqueness was shared by all of my male peers, but my body, my penis, my experience, my mental perception, my fulfillment — these were all still mine, and even though I knew that it was physically capable by all, I knew that I had both pieces of the sex puzzle. During sex-ed classes, I happened to notice some friends of mine had erections during class. The instructor talked about masturbation (there, I finally knew what it was called), and my friends were quick to want to try it. They did so, and when we got together, it seemed that this was all they wanted to talk about: masturbation and girls. My friends certainly had the physical half of the puzzle down.

One day when I was about 15 — I will never forget this day — I was masturbating in my room on my bed after school, and in my usual manner I was enjoying the pleasure throughout my body. During these sessions I often concentrated on my life, logical problems, or more commonly even to this day, I concentrated on the image of blood flowing with pure pleasure to all parts of the body. I was doing this on my bed; faster and faster the flow became. This was the first time I had become this overwhelmed with pleasure, both physical and mental. This went on for about a half-hour — no one was home. I noticed an increased stiffness and sensitivity to my penis, which had achieved a full 6 1/2 inches of pure sensation. The blood flow of pleasure in my mind almost caused me to black out as I gave forth my first ejaculation. I lobbed out a surprisingly hefty mixture of semen right onto my abdomen. I was so caught up in the sensation, I honestly did not notice what happened! After almost 10 minutes of post-ejaculatory masturbation, I gently stopped. I then noticed the semen on my stomach. Well, luckily, I'd had health class, so I knew already what had happened. I was proud. What a day!

My technique eventually evolved from the two fingers to a full left-hand fist, although I still preferred that my foreskin moved along my head without exposing much of it (I have a bit larger foreskin than most), and the new fist added a feeling of envelopment for my shaft. This was when I was about 16; I didn't masturbate as much as you probably think — probably 3 times per week — because I was either busy or tired, and I wasn't one for "quickie" sessions. When I masturbated, I made at least a half-hour event out of it. My friends had a few mutual-masturbation sessions with me, with usual results: some people could ejaculate, others could not, some had more hair than others, we asked questions, talked about girls, compared penises, spoke and showed masturbation techniques, and told stories (my friends were fascinated with my insights on the subject) — all very normal, innocent, and well-remembered times. I faced some hardships in my life, but as I learned early on, I always had masturbation. My masturbation sessions were a time when I could think, feel, and live with myself as much as I wanted. (I believe you can be as greedy as you want if it's your body.)

I developed into a nice-looking young man, in not just my opinion. I have never smoked, drank, abused any drugs or the like, and I was built to the average computer-guru specifications. (Yeah, all us computer geeks are Olympian gods!) I began to hang out with and date a nice 17-year-old girl (I was likewise her age), and we clicked right away because we shared many beliefs and opinions. One day we were doing schoolwork at her house alone, and we went off onto the subject of sex — specifically, masturbation. She shared her "introduction" as did I. She seemed very interested in watching me masturbate. I had no problem with this at all — we had time, and I had motivation. I masturbated to probably my second-best orgasm ever (next to my first time), during which I focused on a mental image of particle diffusion as she had her arm around my neck (I felt like I was diffused with her). When I peaked, I had grown accustomed to not letting go of the pleasure, so I didn't think about where my semen might go. I got it all over my stomach, with a little on the floor and a little on my friend. I was embarrassed and apologized immediately after "coming down" from my orgasm, but she told me not to worry, and she kept her arm around my neck and lay next to me on that extra-wide couch, not letting me clean up my little mess. We lay for an hour, talking. For me, at every orgasm, a door is opened to my past, my past thoughts — snapshots of those moments in time all the way back to my days in the woods enjoying life. It is truly incredible for me. And with my friend I lay there, adding a new sense of fulfillment to my hall of sexual sensations — the mental fulfillment that peace in my body had brought even the slightest of happiness to another person; the latest stage in my sex life.

I will not bore you with instances of other events. Rather I will tell you that masturbation is yours. It's a window to the past, a lump of clay for you to make of what you will, be it for your sole pleasure or for the pleasure of another soul. It can never be taken away, be you circumcised or intact, with a 3-inch penis or an 8-inch penis, because remember, masturbation is heavily weighted on your mental interpretation of nerve impulses, be it "blood flowing of pleasure" or just fantasizing of a hopeful mate. My penis has millions of nerves in it, and my brain has hundreds of billions — which has the greater power? Go masturbate, and live!

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Do you masturbate to make yourself feel good, or to try and imitate sex?