Is It Safe To Speak Up? (#72)

Posted by Maura Smith on Jan 12, 2018 in Articles | Comments Off on Is It Safe To Speak Up? (#72)

Do you usually feel appreciated when you offer your viewpoint? Is it even safe to share what it is? Or do you carefully screen people to see if they’re on the ‘safe’ list?

Maybe you’ve never noticed that you do it. Screening people to determine if they’re ‘safe’ to talk to, I mean. You may do it automatically, as part of your M.O.

Because, if you ever had your guard completely down and you were just spontaneously being yourself, you might get stung, right? You know, someone might get mad at you, or they might make fun of you or judge you in some terrible way. They might give you a weird look. Or…you might be totally ignored. I wonder what would be the very worst…

If this sounds familiar, read on to see why you’ve developed this habit, and gain insights to turn it around and live into a more fulfilling life.

Let me give you an example.

As a coach I have many calls from people who are looking for some guidance. As I share my insights with them, I want to hear their questions, comments, viewpoints, what hits home for them and also any resistance that they feel. The more open and honest the conversation is, the more I can guide them.

The other day I was on a call with someone who I had never spoken to before. They had asked me for some advice, which I freely shared; I gave them my best insights on the topic. After a long conversation, this person started questioning me in a very condescending and judgmental way. I inquired as to why they were triggered; they then hung up. I had poured my heart and soul into the conversation only to be silenced. Well, only temporarily. There was a moment of confusion within me, more like a faint feeling of dissonance at first. I shook it off and proceeded onto more calls, had dinner and then I attended a great evening yoga class with some friends.

Hours later though, I thought about the incident again and felt anger rising. Fortunately, because of all of the transformational work I’ve done, I drew on ‘the right tools for the job.’ I felt into the anger, realizing it was an opportunity to let go of my own judgments about myself and reclaim more of my own power, and used some of my fav techniques to shift the energetic pattern.

A few years ago a situation like that wouldn’t have been as easy for me to handle…well actually it would have ruined my entire day. I wouldn’t have gained anything valuable from the experience either.

Back then…

I didn’t realize that everything outside of me (including other people’s reactions) was somehow a reflection of my own consciousness, and that I could do something about my frustration.

I would have felt sad and yet unknowingly suppressed my anger.

I would have second-guessed what I had shared with the person and wondered if I’d done something wrong.

I would have become even more afraid of sharing my thoughts with other people, leading to more suppression and feelings of being alone.

I would have had a sinking feeling, then I’d shut down’ and stay by myself for hours.

Back then I had no idea why something like that would happen or how to handle it. I would have been bewildered and felt very alone and unappreciated. And I never would have written this article. 🙂 (Someone might actually see it and judge me, right?)

If you’re a sensitive person and this kind of thing sounds familiar, you probably really dislike anything that’s unharmonious. In fact, you likely became sensitive to others so that you could tune into them and avoid conflict. Because any conflict, disagreement or even discussion that isn’t perfectly agreeable with a great big smiley face on top translates as ‘unsafe’ if you’re the way I was. It has the effect of a loud siren with bright red flashing lights, warning you of impending danger.

The fear may have been magnified by an incident in your past or even generationally. And whether it was originally connected with physical, emotional or mental harm (or all of the above), conflict triggers a primal instinct within you, probably to a heightened degree because of your sensitivity.

The irony of all this, is that the more you avoid addressing conflict that you see on the outside, the more you suck it up and feel unharmonious and unappreciated inside.

So the next time you feel you’re being judged or unappreciated and your first instinct is to withdraw, remember that the way you interpret and react to the incident is entirely up to you. The more you release judgments about yourself, the more you’ll feel safe and free to be you.