Mimiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For Sasha and me, obviously today is the best day ever. And, really, it should be for you too. I actually screamed. Sasha chose to channel her excitement in a different way - by attaching this photo:

Mariah Carey has been confirmed as a judge on American Idol. Which naturally means we won’t be making any plans on any of the nights the show is on from January to May. Mimi is not to be missed, not even for a minute.

For decades now we’ve all been in search for the perfect television program, one that delivers on drama, suspense, and comedy. Finally…finally it has been found:

Mariah Carey’s American Idol

Don’t tell me she won’t deliver on every level.

Suspense: How late will Mimi be for rehearsals? Will she hold up the live broadcast?

Drama: What if the camera’s positioned from the wrong side during Hollywood week? What if…she’s sleepy???

Comedy: Please don’t make me explain this to you.

Mimi’s deal is reportedly worth at least $17 million, not including bonuses and or special requests in her contract. What kind of special requests?

I imagine there would have to be a lot of wheelchairs and golf carts at her disposal to transport her from one end of her trailer to another. Also maybe a cherry picker to get her up on stage? To say nothing of her hair and makeup team. We need a lot b-roll of the hair and makeup team.

Please. This is a watershed moment in TV history. Here, watch this, and then imagine it on national prime time television with music. Come ON!