funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people

Buskers & broomsticks

I’m not a Londoner, but living near Portobello Road and complaining about the buskers seems like living near Times Square and complaining about the lights, no? I was cheered, therefore, to see the responses added by other more busker-friendly neighbo(u)rs at the bottom of the original note.

Admits our submitter (who described herself as “team foreigner, with busker sympathies”): “the paint on the railing was indeed being damaged by the original anti-busking clear-plastic-envelope-taping resident.”

I especially adore the comment about the no buskers sign damaging the paint… it is just so perfectly PA. Questions this raises: What kind of music are the Buskers playing? Does the Anti-Busker movement have a theme song so the Buskers could play it? Is the cello player cute? Why in the world would you throw water on them as a deterrant when obviously it might just be seen as a lovely way of cooling them on a hot day? Where do I have to play if I want free beers?

And Please please please don’t EVER refer to my wonderful country as being “Dubya’s Empire”…

I did not vote for him, either time, and on that note, I will give the Dixie Chicks one up and say that I am not just ashamed he is from Texas, I am ashamed that he even exists and claims to be an American.

As a Brit expat, it took me a while to realize that the following words and phrases mean something else in America:
“I’ll be happy to knock you up in the morning”
“What team are you rooting for?”
“We were snogging on the balcony!”

And as an Englishwoman, I never thought I would ever see a leader of one of the most powerful countries in the world announce to the public, “I know how difficult it is to put food on your families” and, while speaking to the press about education and No Child Left Behind: “Our children is learning” Thank you, George W! You make the Queen look like a nuclear physicist!

George W. also complimented former Australian PM John Howard following Howard’s return last year from Iraq on Howard’s “successful visit to your Austrian troops”…which must have come as a complete surprise to Howard…

I find it amusing to pretend that Buskers is a lost cat. The “We miss you Buskers” sign is from its owners. The “Attention Buskers” sign is from residents who live in a building next to the alley where Buskers now plays and yowls all night.

There are several things to consider in this selection. First, the resolve of the people who are opposed to the buskers seems stronger than that of the people who support them. Look at the font and the crisp lettering. It’s so severe. There’s a lot of anger in that note. These people mean business and probably won’t hesitate to go above and beyond the threat of forced hydration if necessary.

That brings me to the second point which is the half-hearted support offered by the busker supporters. While it appears that more people are willing to back the buskers, I don’t believe that their support would extend much beyond the scrawled notes seen here. These people are unorganized and sloppy, as one would expect from fans of busking.

The third and final observation is an aside but still relevant. Buskers don’t perform for “some beers” they are out there performing for money. They try to make a living by providing entertainment. Your voluntary financial support allows them to pursue an artistic career path. Compensating them with alcohol doesn’t put food on the table, it won’t get them any time in a recording studio so they can cut a demo. Alcohol actually sends buskers on an express ride to homelessness. They hock their instruments for cash so they can buy Ripple and then they become aggressive panhandlers who eschew performance art in favor or poor personal hygiene.

You’ll notice that none of these alleged supporters is promising monetary remuneration if the buskers return. This is also typical of people who enjoy street performers. They’ll stand there and be entertained for hours only to walk away without reaching into their pockets for the spare change these poor buskers so desperately crave.

The Buskers can’t come back. They have been sent into hiding by the Imperial Buskers Protection Program. I suspect most of them are trying to make a living now miming on the streets of Paris or washing windshields at busy intersections in New York and LA.

What kills me is they claim that they cannot hear their own tv or radio when they play? Seriously?
What did you do, turn the Buskers into proper “Chamber” musicians and invite them in for a drink? They have measured decibel levels on the streets of New York and London. It can be over 100+ decibels. No way a few steet musicicians on classical unamplified instraments are going to come close to drowning out the “street noise” much less your tv/radio in your apartment.

Buskers can’t drown out TV/radio? I beg to differ. Some of them do their busking with an electric guitar and amplifiers. I’m all for the soft sounds of cello music drifting up from the street, but a bad rendition of “You Shook Me All Night Long” ramped up to 11 is another thing altogether.

If it is really that loud they don’t have a “Disturbing the peace” law in the Isles?

I am pretty sure they do or an equivalent law. I am also sure whoever wrote this PAN probably would have done the same damn thing when The Beatles played the Rooftop concert on Abbey Road studios back in January of 69.

I’m not sure if I’ve had too much coffee or not enough, but the letters in your comment entered my brain in a jumble and got interpreted as “damn long nose-hairs…!” Maybe it’s just a sign I’m getting old.

It’s really too bad that the note didn’t threaten to call the constables. Somebody could play Yakety Sax while the bobbies, with night sticks held high, chase the cello player up and down the street. God, I love British comedy…it’s so intellectual.

I wouldn’t dream of it. You’ve clearly demonstrated your superior Britsh wit in this thread. I’m humbled, really. Now go see a geologist about those stalagmites you call teeth so I don’t have to cringe every time you open your mouth.

Look, Dave. I like the English as much as — nay, more than — the average girl. (For proof please note my user name.) But you’ve got a huge chip on your shoulder. The comments here tend to skew American because there’s a lot of American posters, kerry lives in NYC, etc. We can only go by the British programming we get here. And if you don’t get BBC America on your cable, then you’re stuck with the aged British comedies that air on Public TV. And Public TV isn’t exactly known for being on the front wave of pop culture. What do you expect of us?

Living in the Great White North, I sometimes have to flip past BBC shows to get to the good American programming (everyone knows how awful Canadian shows are) and every time I see a BBC program I always think to myself,
“Where did they find all those ugly people to put on television?”

And Porky’s is an underrated coming-of-age classic. Frankly I think it’s better than American Graffiti and Rebel Without a Cause. Obviously it’s a far cry from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and not as socially relevant as The Breakfast Club but it’s definitely important.

hey dave…you remind me of something…let me think…
oh right! you remind me of this guy i knew in college that loved the sound of his own farts. he loved them so much that he would just sit around and fart all the time, murmuring to himself what a good boy he was. this guy alienated himself from possible friends and ruined the upholstery on many a couch.
learn from fart guy, dave. quit while youre ahead (and before you shit your pants).

Dave, there is a pattern to all this:
- First come plausibly deniable insults from Claw71.
- Your incensed retorts soon follow.
- Claw71 then gleefully skewers your commentary and opinion.
- A flock of bewitched harpies slash at you in a territorial response to your Claw71 attacks.
- After a few days, the fervor quiets, and another newcomer shows up.

David, as a fellow British citizen, I take deep offense that you are determined to insult claw whose writings have a touch of genius about them.

What is ironic about your comments, David, (pardon me, but I find that calling you “Dave” would indicate a sort of chumminess between us), is that you obviously felt that you were making witty comments, but you’ve made a bloody mess of things.

its not that i like to red wing it, mish, its just that youre such a ho that youre always in various stages of RU486′s effects. if i didnt mind a little ketchup on my hot dog i’d never get to hit that with you.

Ah deary me, bloody mess indeed! Don’t worry GhostWriter, I’m in this for the long haul. I’ve been lurking for a long long time and have seen some hideous atrocities carried out by this ‘Claw’ menace.

I’ve always believed that true superheroes should have their true nemeses. It makes for much more entertaining reading. It’s painfully obvious that our friend Claw the arsegob is said superhero – he’s got a band of Lois Lanes throwing their knickers on him (which he then sniffs).

Actually, I think I’m going to drop the Dave tag. Just call me Lex Luther from now on.

A friend of mine is a Hare Krishna whose group danced and sang in Times Square for years. A few years ago, however, they were told by the police they could no longer do so because the area residents were complaining about the noise.

I’m not sure who exactly lives directly in the middle of Times Square and how sensitive and selective their hearing is that the sound of a few tambourines was unbearable, despite the constant din of traffic and pedestrians.

Rabbit, sometimes a joke just dies. One day it’s hilarious, the next day it’s passe. Yes, some are sad at its passing, but we have to accept it when nature takes its course. Continued attempts to revive a joke only serve to hold the joke from its final resting place. Fd would want you to let it go now, so it can rest in peace.

I’m sorry Glo, but fd is truly gone. Not even I can wake it up. Although…

I have heard of an old joke that fell from favor, its usage dying out, then having a spontaneous resurgence in popularity and the joke being “new” again. Sadly, that requires faith. We still must let fd go in the hopes that it will return one day and spread joy to a new generation.

The resident that is concerned about the paint is the most realistic one of all. Really, the buskers aren’t harming the building itself, it’s the ‘we’ person that lives in the building that is causing the most damage.

Is it a timeless logo? The one they’ve always had? Not that you could really call it a decent logo. It’s just kind of hanging out on the inside there. All boring and with no thought for design and such.

Hello Buskers my old friends.
So glad you’re playing here again.
My neighbors a bit of an anorak
He says you sound like a mating cat
But the music that you play soothes my brain
through window panes
It is the sound of Buskers.

In British slang an anorak is a person, typically a man, who has unfathomable interest in arcane, detailed information regarded as boring by the rest of the population, and who feels compelled to talk at length about this information to anyone within earshot.

I couldn’t think of anything to go with mating or howling cat and I was just fixated on using that. So okay it really doesn’t fit but it was the best I had at the time, it’s late and I am sleepy.

Long since become a bit of a joke, the Spice Girls are now resorting to busking. Who knew that Sporty Spice could play a mean cello? “Wannabe” just isn’t one of those songs that translates well in a symphonic version.

Based upon George W’s implementation of the disastrous No Child Left Behind education act, PM Gordon Brown has announced Britain’s new “No Busker Left Aloud” campaign…which will be about as successful as Marmalite at an American breakfast.

I don’t know what the laws are in England, but in the US, in most cities, if you are on a public street during “public hours” (Usually around 6am to 10pm) calling the police will do nothing because it’s a public through-fare. Buskers/street performers have a lot of rights that not a lot of people know about. So keep calling the police, because eventually the police will stop answering your calls, ye who crys wolf.

And throwing water on the buskers? That’s ASSAULT. Technically the busker could press charges on you for loss of money from that day’s work, damage to their instrument/equipment, emotional strife, etc.

Well, I dunno Mishee, I mean, I don’t know if it’s possible to like you anymore than I already do. I mean, it’s not that you suck or anything, but I’ve reached the Mishee-liking quota since I’ve got to save some of my liking for other people. Like myself.

Buskers and noise lovers near Portobello Road need to band together like Melbourners did with the “If you move into Fitzroy and start making noise complaints you are a moron!” Facebook group and related website.