D.C. United: June 2008 Answers

Rod Dyachenko's mohawk.

With D.C. United sort of muddling along, results-wise, this seemed like as good a time as any to demand some answers. Here they are.

When Fred scored at New England and went sprinting toward the sideline while pounding his left hand into the crook of his right arm, what exactly was he trying to demonstrate? (I would show the video, but I'm under orders from lawyers not to do that right now.)

"Blood here, much blood here," Fred said in English while pointing to the crook of his arm, before switching to an interpreter. "It's where your veins are, like it's in your blood," he said. "Because I wanted to score so bad, this is something that runs in my blood. They do that sometimes in Brazil."

And why was he running toward Ben Olsen, injured and on the sideline?

"Because I love him," Fred said in English, before again switching languages. "He tell me before the game you need to score today. He told me I was going to score."

Wow. And why did Olsen make this bold prediction to Fred?

"I say that to everyone, just in case they score," Olsen said.

Wait! Didn't Luciano Emilio also run to Olsen following a recent goal?

"Ben Olsen's having in this time a difficult situation, but he push the team up, being the inspiration to the players and helping us a lot," Emilio said. "And I like him as a friend, also."

Maybe that's why Fred has a special nickname for Olsen. What is it again?

"Macaquinho."

Oh right. And what's that mean?

Er, that would be "Little Monkey" in Portuguese. "Beard here, on the back, anywhere," Fred said, flinging his hands across his body to demonstrate Olsen's hair-growth skills.

Speaking of hair, Rod Dyachenko showed up recently with a mohawk, joining the D.C. athlete tradition that started with Riggo and, within the past 12 months, was mimicked by DeShawn Stevenson, Andray Blatche, Rock Cartwright and Mike Green. What was that about?

"The mohawk? Just trying something different," Dyachenko said. "My hair is absolutely atrocious, so I figured enough paste and I can style it anyhow I wanted, so this was the latest idea....I didn't even know it was going to look like this, I figured maybe like a little fauxhawk, but it turns out that my hair is so straight that I have to have it like this, no other way around it."

The hair will serve as inspiration in these sometimes troubling soccer times, right?

"I don't think it's going to inspire me in any way," Dyachenko said.

Ok then. Dyachenko went to Potomac Mills for that cut, but wouldn't it be convenient if the team actually had a barber on staff?

Oh, you mean like midfielder Dan Stratford?

Wait, Dan Stratford cuts hair? Why?

"It all started basically when I went to West Virginia and saw what a horrible job all their hairdressers and their barbers would do around there, and I just wouldn't trust anyone else to do it," the angularly-coiffed Brit said. "So I thought the best thing to do was to try to learn how to do it myself, so I started cutting my own. And then within a few weeks I started doing quite a few of the other guys on the team....And then before I knew it I had not just players but I had the trainers and quite a few other people, to the point where I actually had to start charging people because it was such an inconvenience to constantly be cutting people's hair."

What did he think about the Dyamohawk?

"Now that it's grown out a little bit, it's not too bad," Stratford said, "but he probably would have saved $15 by coming to see me."

So does he actually charge his D.C. United clients, who include Zach Wells, Marc Burch and Jeff Carroll?

"First one's always free, that's what I always say," Stratford said.

"I offered to buy him a burrito, or whatever," noted Wells, who had been in the practice of cutting his own hair in recent years before becoming teammates with a semi-pro barber.

In homage to Gonzalo Peralta's first son.

Speaking of deep cuts, what are playmaker Marcello Gallardo's two favorite tracks in his iPod, as told to a Spanish paper via a United staffer?

No. 1, as you might have guessed, is "Un Pacto" by Argentine rock legends Bersuit Vergarabat. No. 2, as you might have guessed, is "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction" by the Stones.

Staying in the world of South Americans and music, what song have Fred and Emilio started singing in the locker room?

"The Star Spangled Banner." They like the tune, but don't quite have all the words down yet. I personally heard Fred launch into the part that goes "nah nah nahhhhh nah nah nah"

Strong. Speaking of, defender Gonzalo Martinez's physique is notable. How much can he lift?

"I don't lift weights, only pull-ups," he said, through an interpreter.
And Gonzalo-named defender Peralta? His wife recently gave birth to their second son after 29 hours of labor. What was he doing that whole time?

"Biting my nails," he said with a laugh. "Playing with my other son and waiting."

Peralta's left arm reads "Tiago," in honor of his first son. Shouldn't it also now read "Mateo."

"Give me time," he said.

And to come full circle, linking babies with South American goal celebrations, remember when Fred scored against Harbour View this Spring and then produced a pacifier in honor of his soon-to-be-born daughter? Any more details?

He had the pacifier in his shorts for one game only. It was tied to the drawstring of his shorts, and then tucked inside a little pocket on the inside lining. After he put the pacifier in his mouth, he tossed it to team administrator Francisco Tobar on the sidelines. And he hasn't again carried a pacifier in his shorts, "because it hurts a little bit right here," he said, pointing to the spot on his waist where the pacifier evidently caused pressure.