When I was pregnant with Isabella, I considered cord blood banking. We then discussed just donating it, and was told that the banks charge huge amounts for those in need to actually get it. I was disgusted with that and chose not to do it.

On further contemplation, I now see they can treat stroke victims with cord blood. I had the awful realization that if I had gone ahead and banked Bella's cord blood for ourself (like I wanted too) my grandfather might have been able to get the transplant and have the affects of his stroke reversed.

My grandfather means the world to me. This weighs heavily on my mind today. I know that I cannot go back, and it is useless to beat myself up. But the "if onlys" are big for me today.

Massachusetts Becomes First State to Prohibit Formula Marketing in Hospitals Boston, December 20, 2005— In a groundbreaking step for mothers and babies, Massachusetts became the first state to prohibit hospitals from giving out free formula company diaper bags to new parents. Giving out these bags reduces the duration and exclusivity of breastfeeding and is considered unethical by many national and international groups, including the World Health Organization. Multiple studies, even from prestigious medical journals such as the Lancet, have shown that the bags interfere with breastfeeding, causing moms to switch to formula sooner, or quit nursing altogether-- even when the bags do not contain formula samples.

For decades, formula companies used hospitals to hand out diaper bags stocked with coupons and free samples. Most parents see these as a “free gift,” but the bags are a marketing technique that implies that the hospital endorses the product, successfully boosting sales of formula at the expense of breastfeeding. “One day, formula marketing in hospitals will go the way of cigarette ads on TV,” said Melissa Bartick, MD, Chair of the Massachusetts Breastfeeding Coalition.

The new rules on formula marketing are part of a much larger update of existing perinatal regulations written by the Department of Public Health and today approved by the Public Health Council. Hospitals must follow DPH regulations in order to be allowed to operate in the state. The regulations contain many other mandates that help promote and support breastfeeding and otherwise limit formula marketing.

In banning the distribution of these items, the DPH acknowledges that there is no medical justification for the institutional marketing of formula products to new parents. The vast majority of hospitals in Massachusetts and the US give out free diaper bags containing formula to new moms, and also accept free formula for in-hospital use. This marketing practice deviates from the standards followed by health care providers and hospitals in every other respect. For example, hospitals do not give out coupons for name-brand clothing, name-brand foods outside of maternity. “We’d never tolerate the thought of hospitals giving out coupons for Big Macs on the cardiac unit,” said Dr. Bartick, an internist. Since lack of breastfeeding is clearly associated with multiple adverse health outcomes in children and mothers, distribution of formula marketing materials by hospitals and health care providers has been recognized as unethical since at least 1981, when the World Health Organization approved the International Code of Marketing of Breastmilk Substitutes.

Members of MBC on the taskforce that drafted the new regulations helped make the case for eliminating the diaper bags. The formula bags may actually cost families money: “Not only is there the expense of formula, but parents and society end up paying for medications and time lost from work to care for a sick child,” says Dr. Kimberly Lee, a neonatologist at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston.

As proof of the companies’ influence, Dr. Lee notes that parents almost always continue to use the brand of formula their baby got in the hospital—and those formulas are typically the most expensive.

These new regulations will go far in improving the quality of care to mothers and their newborns.

Friday, December 09, 2005

I am working on some items to sell for the Christmas season, and I needed a piece of ribbon for a project so I had run to walmart. The kids were told to get ready and run out to the car while I grabbed my tennis shoe.

I didn't realize until I got there that only 2 of the kids put their jackets on!

So I ran in and got my stuff and went to leave when Kaitlyn walked up to me and said "here mom from this lady"

she hands me a napkin from mcdonalds and it has written on it "Do your kids need new coats?? Merry Christmas"

and wrapped inside was $300 cash!

I started bawling right there in the store. Couldn't stop.

after all that we have gone through this last month...and knowing we were not going to do much for Christmas....this happens--I feel truly blessed and know that someone was looking out for us.

Friday, December 02, 2005

so...things have been going good for a few months. Really good...(well, excluding Noah that is) Until lately.Grandpa had his stroke. We had a personal financial setback. and today - the car accident. You know, I think that murphy waits until you are in a comfort zone...that you are doing well...and then he kicks the rug right out from underneath you.and then continues to kick you after you are down.

$250 to get the car home. not too many injuries-luckily. do you know we sat out on the freeway for 2o minutes and no one stopped to help? no one even called the police.

so we are becoming the family in "Christmas with the Kranks" this year, we are skipping Christmas. I am even considering just taking the tree down instead of decorating it. what is the point? we can't do Christmas this year. We probably will not even go see the family now.

I can't even sleep tonight. Every time I close my eyes, I can feel us spinning again and see the dirt hill we crashed into rising up before my eyes. I can hear the kids scream and cry for me.

I think I need something to put me to sleep.

I think we need to round up the boys and take Murphy out so that he can stopped messing with us.

Monday, November 28, 2005

In Septemeber of this year, The LA Times reported that Christine Maggiore was irresponsible in not treating herself or her family with AZT. Her daughter, 3 1/2 year old Eliza Jane Scovill died suddenly May 16 2005 and the diagnosis was AIDS-related pneumonia.

Eliza had never been diagnosed with HIV and had been extremely healthy her whole life. She had been seen by doctors in the days proceeding her death for an ear infection, for which she was prescribed antibiotics. Eliza showed no other signs of being ill, least of all difficulty breathing or coughing.

Condemmed by the media and the public and still realing from her daughters death, Christine stayed strong in her convictions that AIDS does not need medical treatment...and that she and her family were doing well. Public officials have been poised to act to take the couples other child, Charlie, away from them.

New information has come to light that sheds a whole different spin on this story. Eliza did not die of AIDS-related pneumonia. She was NOT HIV positive and did NOT have full blown AIDS.Eliza died from an allergic reaction to the antibiotic amoxicillin that she had been given that very week for an ear infection.

Yes, you read that right. She died from the medication DOCTORS gave her to treat her ear infection.

The LA Times article goes on to quote Dr James Oleske, a New Jersey physician that has NEVER seen Eliza (but does treat AIDS patients) by saying "This was a preventable death. I can tell you without a doubt that, at the outset of her illness, if she was properly evaluated, she would have been appropriately treated. SHE WOULD NOT HAVE DIED"Well guess what Dr James Oleske from New Jersey. You were WRONG!!! Yes, her death was preventable....but not the way you insinuated. Avoiding the antibiotic-that would have done it.

I hope that Christine and her family can now mourn for the loss of their daughter without ridicule, suspicion and disbeleif.Prayers go out to Christine, Robin, Charlie and sweet Eliza.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

You're a big city girl with a small town heartWhich is why you're attracted to the romance of RomeStrolling down picture perfect streets, cappuccino in handAnd gorgeous Italian men - could life get any better?

Dedicated and responsible, you are a rock to your friends.You are skilled at working out even the most difficult problems.Low key and calm, you are happiest when you are around loved ones.Ambitious and goal oriented, you have long term plans to be successful.

Monday, November 21, 2005

I know that I have not talked about her neurological defect here...but the quick version is that Kaitlyn had a brain hemorrhage 3 years ago this Christmas. Through it all we found that she has Dural AVMand the locations of those AVM's are very rare.We have to do testing every year.She has had sudden onset reoccuring headaches the last 2 weeks, with increased clumsiness. We are going in tomorrow for anotherCT AngiogramThis never gets easy. I worry about her all the time. She has a headache, I freak out. It is just so hard.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Similar to Medievalyour style is known for dark, elegant, andintricate dresses and suits. However, unlikeMedieval your style tends to be a lot moreconservatice with high, lace necks on the gownsand top hats to go along with the gentlemen'sdark attire. I very much respect this style aswell, because it is sophisticated, noble, andreserved.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

so in recent news...the doctors are finally talking to me! Noah's behavior is escalating. His violence/agression is worse. He has started banging his head again. He kicked his brother down the stairs the other day and has been hitting his 17 month old sister.The answer? Looks like we will be starting with Zoloft. The doctor suggested Trazadone first, because Noah exhibits tendencies to have a seizure...but my research made me not want to try that.So good news there. hopefully the zoloft will help his hyperirritability reactivity when he is angry.

Conner has his first gymnastics meet coming up December 9th! I just cannot believe it. He did his whole floor routine in practice yesterday and I was just in awe. He looks so good. Pictures are coming up and I will share.

Grandpa is still holding his own. The CT confirmed several strokes, but the therapy is helping some.

We are getting ready for Thanksgiving. We are going to a friends house since Shawn has to work, and I am very excited! Making my special mini-cheesecakes, pumpkin bread, blackbottom cupcakes and a veggie.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

I got an email last week from my mother (she could not find my phone number) She told me that my grandpa had a stroke.My grandfather has been like a dad to me my whole life. with my bio dad being out of the picture-my grandparents helped to raise me. My grandpa is the only father figure I have ever had. He means the absolute world to me.6 weeks ago they were out at my moms house. My grandpa felt sick so they decided to leave. As my grandma was driving home, he passed out. When he woke up he got sick. They took him in and the dr thought it was inner ear stuff. Fast forward to this last Friday. They were at my cousins game. When they went to leave..grandpa said he felt like he got stuck..couldn't get in the car. That is when he had a stroke. Saturday he couldn't walk...had slurred speech. Had to use a cane and could barely walk with that. He kept falling and fell when he was going to feed the horses..and banged up his face pretty good. Monday they took him in and the dr said he is having strokes..and it seems to be progressing fast.So we drove down. He doesn't look too good. His facial muscles are not really affected, but his speech is pretty bad. he has a really hard time talking and he has a significant memory loss. his right side is almost useless. he has a walker, but refuses to use it. so we had to help him move everywhere. I had a talk with my grandma. he had this stroke on friday and she did not take him in until monday! if she would have gotten him in earlier, they could have given him the medication to help reverse the affects, but she didn't realize that a stroke had happened. we talked about the seriousness of letting the dr's know what is going on-and that she better not hestitate again. she asked me how I deal with it...with Kaitlyn and the worry. she then told me that grandpa won't let go of her...every time they go to bed he just holds her so tight and will not let go of her. He is so scared. but I think I got through to her. he is in therapy..and went in for a CT scan yesterday. they are also doing some cartoid vascular study this week.By the time we left on Sunday, you could really see the changes in him. He was more positive, but his speech was worse. It was very slurred and he couldn't remember everyday words.We are still waiting on test results. But I am just not ready to lose him.

Monday, October 10, 2005

After a long desire to have a small parenting board where we could educate and have friendships-I finally decided to do it! My August 2002 playgroup (another small knit group) is going to need a new home sometime soon...so I decided to just go for it. Create a board with my friends where we could talk and have fun. And the best thing is that we can share educational links and articles. I hope to learn so much from these ladies. It is similar to another board I visit..but without the 3000+ members and will still have the personal touches. People will not be ignored. We can post and get answers.Right now it is very raw..we are just on an ezboard but we are getting ready to move.

Tunce upon a whine, in a coreign fountry, there lived a geautifulbirl and her name was Rindercella. Rindercella lived with her muglyother and her two sad blisters. Also, in this same coreign fountry,there lived a very prandsome hince.

Now, this prandsome hince was going to have a bancy fall, so heinvited all the people for riles amound, especially the pich reople.So, Rindercella's mugly other and her two sigly usters went out toget some dancy fresses to wear to the bancy fall. But, Rindercellacouldn't go because all she had to wear was some old rirty dags. So,she just cat down and scried.

Well she was kitten there scrying, and all of the sudden, thereappeared before her, her gairy mudfather. And she waved her wagicmand and there appeared before her a kig boach and hix white sorsesto take Rindercella to the bancy fall! ''But,'' she warned her, ''yoube home before nidmight or I'll purn you into a tumpkin.''

So, Rindercella went to the bancy fall and she was det at the moorby the prandsome hince, because he had been watching from behind awidden hindow. And, as soon as they met, they lell in fove! And,nanced all dight, until nidmight. Then, the stock clucked nidmight,and Rindercella staced down the rairs. And, just as she beached therottom, she slopped her dripper!

Well, the next day, the prandsome hince went all over the coreignfountry looking for the geautiful birl who had slopped her dripper.He came to Rindercella's house and tried it on her mugly other, andit fidn't dit. He tried it on her two sigly usters, and it fidn'tdit. Then he tried it on Rindercella and it fid dit. So, they weremarried and lived heavily ever hapwards.

Now, the storal to this mory is: If you ever go to a bancy fall andwant to have a prandsome hince lall in fove with you, don't forgetto slop your dripper

Monday, October 03, 2005

that crazy witch woman thinks she can slam on MY ELF fling and get away with it?? I will have you know he was wayy better than your little gnome half man.no way no how woman..bring it!and to see this crazy witch woman... http://onorach.blogspot.com/

He is always so angry. I can't handle him very well right now. I leave the room and I hear him screaming 5 minutes later. Of course, the doctors are still not doing anything right now. I can't even get one to call me back. That makes me angry more than anything.I know his behavior is out of his control....but there are things that could help him-and the doctors are denying him that!*sigh*Here it goes..putting in another phone call now.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

my friend, Becky mentioned to me yesterday that Idaho just got 500 children from New Orleans that need homes. They are desperate for people to take these children in because our foster homes are full. Instantly, I thought "maybe we could do it!"

I talked to Shawn and he was open to the idea of getting a child. I would take more in that 1 child if we had more room in the vehicle. So today I am just thinking and thinking about it. The kids are open to it....I talked to them right after Shawn to see what they would think. They were very excited. But will they let me homeschool the child? Or would I have to put them into school?? My concern with that is that the child would not have my kids there with her/him and it wouldn't be as fair (IMO anyway) I am also worried that I won't be good enough. I am sure that he/she would have some emotional issues having just lost home and probably family. I am rambling. I have so much going through my head. I never thought that I might want to have a foster child... but I just keep seeing the 500 homeless children go through my head andit pulls at my heart. I want to act quickly, but I want to make sure too that I will be doing what is best for this child.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Born last month at the gestational age of 27 weeks, she passed on this weekend from heart failure following emergency surgery to fix a perforated intestine.This last year, the story of Susan Torres hit headlines with a frenzy. Collapsing at work and finding out that she had a stage 4 melanoma -- inducing a coma that she would never come out of. Being kept alive so that her baby girl could be born to be with the family. What heart wouldn't wrench when reading that story?And now, after a month long struggle to live, the very premature baby, who weighed only 1lb 13 oz at birth, has died.To have such a short life here on earth. Its a tragedy. And through my tears, I cannot say much more. I would hope that if something like this happened to me, that my husband would have the strength to do what Susan's husband did.Please pray for Jason Torres, their son Peter (who has lost his mother and now his baby sister) and the rest of their family.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

September 11, 2001. In rememberance of all those that lost their lives that day.The mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, brothers, sisters and friends and heroes.You will not be forgotten. You are in our hearts. You will carry on.

September 11, 2001--it seemed like just an ordinary day. Shawn was home from work that day as it was his day off. I remember him getting out of bed and walking out to the living room, and then hearing him run back in and yelled "Someone just blew up the World Trade Center!!!"

It didn't sink in at first, but hearing the emotion in his voice, I instinctively jumped out of bed and ran out to the TV with him. I really didn't "get" what the WTC was all about. I never paid attention much in school when we learned about it. I barely watched the news before 9-11. The WTC was just a word I heard in passing, but had no clue what it really was. But as the images were shown on tv all I could see was the countless lives that were lost. The horror on the peoples faces that were there. And I sat down and cried. I think we sat for 3 hours just staring at the tv. The kids were homeschooled - and we did not even do school that morning. All that day and all through the night I watched the images. I watched the firefighters and police officers and paramedics do a job that no person should ever have to do. I watched the grief, the sorrow, the bewilderment on faces that were there when it happened. And I just thought to myself, "Why??"

We did not see the actual crashing of the planes into the building, but we saw them collapse. We saw right after the plane crashed in Pennsylvania. We saw the replays over and over. We went around in a daze that day. Everything seemed so insignificant in comparison. I remember going to the store and being in such a fuge that I did not hear the cashier talking to me. All I could do was look at the man bagging my groceries and say "did you hear?"

2996 human beings confirmed/reported dead and missing.

2996.

That is a lot of human life to be lost.

Gender, sexuality, religion, nationality itdoes not matter.

2996 is a lot of human lift to be lost.

Until that day I was naive. I truly had NO IDEA that there were people out there that hated our country that much, hated everything that our citizens are and how we live....hated us so much that they would just kill like that. Until that day, words like Bin Laden, Iraq, Iran, Jihad...none of those were in my vocabulary. Well, they are now.

Today, the Dalai Lama is visiting Idaho. He is talking of world peace and a hope for healing. I know that I am going to listen to what he has to say. I only wish that everyone else could and would listen to the message as well.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

I think my life is falling apart. Or maybe it is just my body! LOLWe moved and I was pretty sick. Coughing really bad and just generally having a hard time. Shawn was always mad because I was so sick I could not help pack. He got pretty ticked for awhile, but I was doing the best I could. We moved and started settling in. Finally after a week Shawn finally said "I am taking you to the doctor!"In we go to the doctor-no insurance so I was really NOT wanting to be there-and my O2 levels were down to 94. I had pneumonia. They gave me a shot of rocephin right there...dang that stuff stings!! And some antibiotics.3 weeks later, I am still coughing some. If I start to laugh a lot, my lungs protest and I end up with a coughing fit. I've never been this sick before...and it really sucks!We started school this week. The kids are very excited. I think they are most excited for Latin and Ancient History. My In-Laws were here a few weeks ago, and my FIL started in on Shawn with the whole "you need to put these kids back in school" routine.Uhm--thanks but NO. Our children, our decision. Just because you are an educator does not mean that you know best for MY kids. Shawn and I have made the decision TOGETHER that this is best. I broke a molar this last week. Have I ever mentioned my TERROR of the dentist?? They had to drill out some decay that happened under my filling and he said "we are going to numb you up" I said "NO YOU ARE NOT!!" so they drilled without it, and I did ok. I was literally sick. I HATE THE DENTIST!!I had an episode at wal-mart the other day too. Noah (who you know has issues) was playing with the men's ties. Doing no harm at all. This employee yells at him! YELLS! She had the worst tone of voice..I really could not believe it. I confronted her and said "the next time you want to yell at a child, why don't you try FINDING THE PARENTS instead!! You are an employee of this store, NOT HIS MOTHER and you have NO RIGHT to talk to thim that way!" I said a few more things, but that was the gyst of it. grrr....darned wal-mart....it gets me everytime!

Friday, August 19, 2005

I swear if I didn't know better, I'd think I had pregnancy brain! LMBOWe signed the papers tuesday morning and got the keys that afternoon. We are told that we have irrigation and that they had switched it into our name. "so I don't need to call the city for water?" "NOPE" ok.. we start moving tuesday night. and the problem??? NO WATER!! No showers. no bath.So wednesday morning the cable guy shows up at 8:30--and yes, jessica was still in bed. I answer the door in a tshirt and sweats-no bra. I finally tell the guy to hold on so I could make sure the baby did not fall off my bed..and I run and put a bra on.He asks me which outlets I want for the tv...activates them and leaves.did I mention my tshirt was white??I go to wal-mart (but first I get lost and end up in a different city) and call the water and am told I have to come down to turn it on. YEAH! Cause I SOO know where I am going. They give me directions and I make it down there (with all 6 kids). I then have to ask "now how do I get home???"The water gets turned on (yes, finally baths!!) and I go to bathe the kids..and you guessed it..no hot water! Evidently, the work order to hook up our gas did not print off....so our water heater was not ontoo late to call gas company, so we decide to skip another night.Shawn gets home from work and goes to hook up the internet, and can't! they did not ask me about the cable modem for the computer...and so the room where the computer was set to be was not activated.that is still not fixed, and we finally got hot water tonight.I think the only thing I did not screw up was the phone and power!And to top it all off, tomorrow is my 30th and I SOO do not want it to be here.But the good thing is? I LOVE my home. I am just so happy here. and we moved in next door to a family of 4 young children , and the kids are having a ton of fun. I think this was a wonderful move for us.We are getting ready to start working on painting the girls room so we can move them in. Here are a few pictures....the pink flower is what I am going to do on the girls walls (which will be purple)http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/luvs2labor/my_photos

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Yesterday, the gym calls to tell us the boys gymnastic team party had been moved due to the host having a fire in their home.As I am running downstairs to change phones (because the one I was on had a lot of static) this is what she hears:"hold on a second, I need to switch phones....Noah..get those handcuffs off your sister!Sorry..I am still trying getting it---grab bella off the table away from the yogurt!!!" I caught myself today before I said this one:"Lexie, get the bear out of your pee pee!!" Talking on the phone with 6 kids is hopeless. Simply hopeless!

Saturday, July 30, 2005

" why do you take it to heart (when people call you fat)??? Do you think you're lazy? Substandard? Unattractive? Unlovable? Nasty? Why?"I will answer honestly.I am fat - not - because I am lazy or overeat, but because I have a stupid medical disorder that makes me produce too much insulin which then converts to fat and settles on my body. No matter what I do. Medication for the insulin, yeah, that is great. I stop gaining weight, but I still don't lose any.Why do I take it to heart? Because I wasn't always this way. I used to be the size 2 skinny bitch with a 23 inch waist. And I do nothing differently now than I did then. So I think of it as being out of my "control" since I can't seem to do anything about it. I take it to heart because I feel ugly. I can't look at myself in the mirror without crying. I never want to be intimate with my husband because of how I look and how I feel about how I look.I take it to heart because I don't want to be "that mom" to my children...."the mom" that they are ashamed to bring over their friends because of how I look. I know that is not them now, but it might be some day. And I don't ever want to be "THAT mom"I take it to heart because I HATE everything about how I look and feel emotionally. And I feel judged. I feel like people look at me and think "oh if she just exercise more" or "oh she eats a ton! I bet if she ate less....."you know what people?? I exercise, I eat less...and it DOESN'T FREAKING WORK! I get tired of the assumption that FAT=lazy overeater. If that person making the assumption could spend just 1 day inside my body, and feel how I do...they would never think that again.so that is why I take it to heart

Friday, July 29, 2005

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement - not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied.Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day." A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding!"NOW I ASK YA, IS THERE A WOMAN OUT THERE, ANYWHERE, WHO WOULDN'T ENJOY THIS STORY?

foreign body that is!I had a great start today. You know, sometimes it is just hard being motivated to do a lot in a household my size. And then to actually have the energy to act on the motivation...well, you are asking a lot there! But alas, I digress. I got up this morning and made banana bread. Good huh? I then proceeded to made my berry yogurt sauce, cooked my chicken for tonights chicken saute. I was on a roll right? So I got lunch done, washed 3 loads of laundry, 1 load of dishes. I am doing good huh?? I even started to clean the upstairs.But something had to go wrong right?YUPAlexis comes in saying her nose hurts-and is picking at it. I think she must have a booger, so I lookand can't find anything there. She keeps digging and crying. This goes on for about 30 minutes and she says she put something up there, but then will not tell me what.I call the doctors office, and sure enough, they say "Take her in"So I have to clean and dress all 6 kids and we load up in the suburban to head to the doctors office. She of course falls alseep on the way.So I am chasing Isabella around the doctors office and trying to keep her from playing on the phone while this little old man sits and laughs while he watches. I am not sure if it was laughter of pleasure from watching her, or laughter at watching my fat butt run around after her! but a few minutes later BANG!! yup, Isabella fell into the wall while running and now has a large goose egg on her forehead (which is a lovely shade of BLUE)So we finally get back there to the procedure room (and I am thinking "we are going to find nothing there!!) and sure enough..there is a PEANUT!! ALL way up there! It was so far up there he had to really dig. He said I took her in fast enough that there should be no skin damage...but dayum that thing was big! I'd cry too! 6 kids, and I never had this happen!So we brought home the peanut in a jar.

Monday, July 25, 2005

After all these years of financial struggle we are buying a home. All of our debt is paid off. We have new vehicles that are paid in full. And we are moving into a new home in less than 3 weeks.I can't believe it! I never thought we would get here. Having our family was always more important than having lots of money and material things. And it has worked out.I am so excited. I can't hardly even type coherently

Thursday, July 07, 2005

wow-what an appointment. he told me so much stuff my head was spinning and still is! I hope that I can type it all correctly.Noah has neurological injury (we knew that), neurogenic irritability (hyper-irritability) and nonverbal learning disorder--all related to having a stroke at some point in this life. We don't know if it was before he was born or after. he theorized possibly before birth as noah has a tight cord that could have kinked-causing blood flow to slow and clot and cause a stroke. that would also explain his lack of movement the day they induced me. he also mentioned Factor 5 disorder in me-possibility of me having it that would cause the stroke in noah and possibly be part of kaitlyn's brain hemorrhage 3 years ago.With his hyper-irritability, he wants to medicate with an anti-anxiety/depression medication to see if he can get him to "work right." He said that he felt I was pretty intune with Noah and what was going on with him, and that I would be able to give them a good evaluation of him on the meds.After I evaluate him on that, he will then see if we want to continue with meds, do further evaluations and possibly add in therapy if it is still needed.man-I don't know if I should be relieved at having some answers, or even more confused at what it all means.And all this is in addition to the possibility that he still has aspergers since a lot of his symptoms are the same, and he will not diagnose that until he puts him on the meds and see if he improves and doesn't look aspergers anymore.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

so we go to fireworks last night. as we are leaving there are cars that formed a T shape to leave. we were in the part trying to merge with the major line..(of course) and were sitting there for 20 minutes.so this stupid bleach blonde broad (yes, I used the word broad!!) comes up right between us and starts to cut me off. I get pissed and start gesturing...and she pulls up really fast and cuts me off. I of course get even more pissed and slam on the horn. SHE LAUGHS!!!! Laughs!!! and will not look at me.So I am sitting there, seriously in the mood for some road rage. I had the urge so bad to jump out of the suburban and yank her skinny ass out of her vehicle and start pounding on her!! (me-who has never been in a fight before-I swear my hormones must be out of wack!!!) After another 10 minutes of not moving, I finally look at dh (who luckily was driving) and I tell him..."BACK UP" so he backs up. I tell him "CUT... THE.... BITCH.... OFF!!!!!!"so he pulls in front of her just a little. she tries to get around me, but we are bigger than her!! *insert evil laugh*the line moves, we sucessfully move in front of her and cut her off!!! she was PISSED!!then we stopped and talked to some friends (with this lady fuming behind me) and proceed to let about 10 cars go in front of us just to piss her off some more.yes-it was a great 4th! and I laughed my ass off all the way home!!Girls and big trucks!! gotta love it!

Thursday, June 30, 2005

And I just haven't had the heart to write here.Isabella turned 1 year old this month. I think I am having some depression related to it. I realized that my "baby" is no longer a baby.....and that as she is my last - I will never have a baby again.I will never experience pregnancy again. Never feel those first movements. Never again walk around and rub my belly and feel an answering kick from inside. Never again have those exhilirating moments in the delivery room as the baby is pushed out and born.This is so hard.

Kaitlyn just turned 8. My oldest daughter. She will be baptized this Saturday. I can't believe how she has grown. My littles ones are just getting so grown up.

Conner just completed a 3 day intensive team camp for gymnastics. He did so awesome! He has already learned the routine for the parallel bars. I think that rings are his favorite. Monday on the 4th he has his first "appearance" at the 4th of July parade!

I meet with Noah's neuro pyschologist next week to go over all his results. Looks like he needs quite a bit of therapy..occupational, physical, speech.

Hannah and Lexie..well, they are just crazy! LOL

Shawn cut this hair into a military style. What in the heck was he thinking!!!??? He walked up and I saw him out the window and my jaw hit the floor. UGH! At least it grows fast :)

Friday, June 03, 2005

It brings out the darkside of everyone.It is stressful. It is expensive. It is horrible on our poor aging bodies.I will never move again.remind me of that in 6 months when I go to buy my house.I will never move again.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Ugh I swear I am going to lose it!Again, what is up with people judging??? I have a good head on my shoulders. I know what my new house is going to be like. I have looked it over. I know the pro's and the very few cons.Stop treating me like I don't have a flipping clue!!You do not know me. I am not stupid. I have a high IQ, I use my head to think. I don't need YOU trying to point out what YOU think is wrong with my new house.Do you realize the health issues my current house puts me in?? How small it is? How badly it sucks not HAVING A YARD??I know what I am doing, so kindly stop second guessing me. Stop making snide remarks about where I am moving to. JUST SHUT UP!

Thursday, May 12, 2005

I finally got some of Noah's appointments made today. He goes in for speech evaluation next week and then his neuro psych evaluation is on the 8th of June. it is scheduled from 9am to 2pm!! I am praying that Shawn can get the day off-or I am going to have to find someone to watch all the kids. There is no way I am taking them all with me! LOLToday has been semi good. Kids are all fighting. Dh was home for 5 days straight, and I think everyone just needed today to wind back down into a normal state. Bella just keeps crying. I know she does not feel good. She doesn't want to nurse. She just wants to be attached to my hip...and my hip is big enough thank you! LOLHeard from the in-laws the other day. Yellowstone is cancelled!! YEAH! We weren't going to go anyway, but this just works better for us and now I won't look like the bad guy....because, somehow-it is always my fault! The new family vacation we will not be able to do because Conner has gymnastics camp. That Saturday they are having a big party but that is the day I promised Kaitlyn she could have her birthday. Shawn said we were going to go-that it wasn't always about ME. I said "no-it is about your DAUGHTER!!" she of course was bawling because I told her we could not do her party...and Shawn finally caved and said we would not go...just once could they ask US first to see if the plan works for us?? do we always have to be the ones to just change everything for them?? I was going to invite the whole family-but I guess that is not going to work. No matter--she is going to have her party and have a blast!

Conner and Kaitlyn both got asked to try out for the gymnastics team. Conner made it! He has only been taking lessons for 2 months. Kaitlyn needs some more work on bars, which is where she flubbed it. Unfortunately her class does not do much on bars, so we are putting her in a more advanced class. We are actually glad she did not make it because girls team practice is during Kaitlyn's achievement days at church...and church comes first. she actually made the choice for AD instead of the team.He starts team practice next month.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

So we have been blessed with the chance to move. Finally. Out of this house with its mold and landlords that do not do anything to fix stuff! They are trying to sell the place now, and came over the day before an inspector came to clean out the mold spots so the inspector would not see. Luckily-I pointed it out to them! LOLBut now we are moving in 3 weeks. Nothing is done. It is so stressful!! I have to pack, clean, get things ready and it is going by too fast.Then Saturday night, Isabella started getting sick. She had this rapid onset of a violent cough with mucus. Sunday she had a fever that would not do down. I treated her with our homeopathics and nothing happened. I took her in yesterday morning and she has pneumonia! My poor baby. She is so miserable. She gets exhausted so easily. She can barely nurse sometimes because she is just so tired. :(

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Noah (my "problem" child) and Hannah....they are at each others throats. all day. everyday.hannah is in the tub, noah shuts the door and turns off the light. hannah screams.noah is in the bathroom, hannah shuts the door and turns of the light. noah screams.hannah teases noah about a girlfriend. he gets ticked and yells.noah teases hannah about a boyfriend, she gets ticked and yells.hannah says noah can't come to her birthday.noah says hannah can't come to his birthday.now noah is standing there saying to hannah "blah blah blah blah blah" and she is yelling at him to stop...and then throws something at him.I don't think this is part of the mothering contract! LOL

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

another few frustrating days. I got to where I just sat and cried because I don't know what to do with him. I understand now that he has a problem that makes him act the way he does. I understand that his actions are out of his control...that he will get better with therapy. But some days, I just can't handle it. He hurts the other kids. He hurts himself. He gets mad and bangs his head or hits himself in the head.I love him so much. And I feel responsible for what is wrong with him. I had too much stress during my pregnancy. For a long time, I didn't even want him. Shawn and I were fighting so much and I wanted to leave and give him up for adoption. I know now that I was having depression problems from the medications I had been on..but I just feel in my heart that this all had something to do with it.I hope that today will be a better day.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

ok-this day has been LONG!!after months of waiting we finally had our appointment with the doctors from out of state. They are assessing Noah for Asperger's...a disorder on the autism spectrum.Noah has started hurting himself when he gets angry. banging his head in the wall, the table..pounding his head. I just don't know what to do. And it kills me to see him not have any friends. To not be able to act in a social situation. He is so set apart from everyone.we met with a pediatric neuro psychiatrist (I think I got his title right) this morning...he said Noah's symptoms are consistent with Asperger...but some of his other stuff indicates that he has a neurological injury at some point in his life. Neurological injury does not mean brain damage or anything like that..He was very interested in our weeks before birth when Noah stopped moving, and what had happened during my pg etc.He said regardless of what caused it, the solution is getting him help. he said from everything he observed and read in my reports, noah has issues. he can not self calm, he has sensory issues, he does not know when to stop...he said the signals in his brain do not appear to be right on. He still thinks it could be aspergers also...but wants to get him treatment for the other issues before he gives him a "label" that is hard to get rid of.He would like to schedule him for speech, occupational, and physical therapy evaluations. (the school graduated noah from speech, but the dr said they should not have)Then we met with the neuropyschologist this afternoon. he observed Noah, and got more information on specific symptoms. he will also give a recommendation as to if noah should have any scans or any other kind of medical studies.both doctors we saw today and a 3rd will meet tonight and go over everything. they will recommend all the stuff for Noah and calls will start getting made on Monday.I am glad they are being so thorough and not quick to just flip a diagnosis on him.He also said that I was totally "normal" when I get overwhelmed and frustrated with him due to not being able to handle him. that made me feel a lot better.I kept thinking for the longest time that it was all in my head. but it isn't - he said we did not do any more damage to him(noah) by waiting so long...we had just caused ourselves to suffer more than was necessary.they were so kind and gentle. they really impressed me.

Sunday, March 13, 2005

grr-I swear sometimes I get so frustrated over church members attitudes. Don't get me wrong, I love my church. But I can't stand when people act holier than thou! Prime example..I have a new friend. She is the typical molly mormon. Follows all the rules to a T. (or appears to anyway) So we have had her over to our home several times. The first time she went on and on about watching R and PG movies. (our church consels against R movies) Then she was over tonight and I was showing her the shirt that I made for Kaitlyn. I was so proud of it. I turned out great and was very very cute. Well, it happened to be a halter top. Still very modest IMHO. She turns to me and says "it doesn't have sleeves" well..no it doesn't Then goes on "I could never let MY daughter wear that"

Did I ask?

Dh and I are fine with it. We have 6 kids, and set our standards a long time ago. She has a 7 year old that she has had in her family for 2 years. Please don't think you can compare. Please don't think it is YOUR place to tell me that what my daughter is wearing is wrong. My children, my choice.I don't tell you all the things I think you are doing wrong. Give me that same courtesy.

I love her. I think she is a great friend. But I hate people making me feel that way..

Wow. It has been over a month since I last blogged. I feel like I am so busy trying to do "life" that I don't have time to talk about me. Maybe I spend too much time online doing other stuff.

Today we had a lesson in church on disunity...within ourselves, our family, our church, and the world. we talked a lot about selfishness, envy, and backbiting. I came to the realization that a lot of that comes from being insecure or having low self worth. If we don't feel good about ourselves, we tend to look for the bad in others. we chose to take offense when none was meant. we act this way because we are so unhappy within our own life...so we must make everyone else that way. you know what happens when you throw a pebble into a pond? you cause a ripple..and that is how so much in our world goes wrong.To change this, we must make ourselves better. we must make it so that we are happy within.

so much more to say, but I had to just say that. will talk more later.

Saturday, February 05, 2005

I am saying it is going to be a better day. It will.I have to get some sewing done. Tomorrow is scouts day at church, and Conner needs to wear his scout shirt..which means I need to sew on all his patches. Maybe this is the incentive I need to break my 6 month NO SEWING problem.The kids are grumpy. Everyone is still sick. Coughing really bad. I am just so tired. Baby kept me up half the night again because she could only sleep if laying on my chest. I am starting to feel old.All they do is argue argue argue right now! I cannot wait until Noah has his aspergers evaluation. I really need to know what is wrong with him so that I will know how to deal with him. Some days I just bury my head and either scream or cry. I know it is not his fault. I just don't know how to do it.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

How can a married couple totally be saying 2 different things and think they are saying the same thing?Just the little things that start to irritate you.We decide tonight that we are going to have take and bake pizza for dinner. I left the room for a few minutes, and come back in to find my husband doing pancakes. OK..so I say "what happened to pizza??" the girls decided they want pancakes. Well that is fine by me. He starts arguing for pizza and I keep telling him pancakes are fine.I ask if he wants to run and get some flavored syrup..then realize we are out of pop. we decide to run to the store (and target for saline for sick baby)We end up at the pizza place getting pizza.what in the heck is the deal?so then he doesn't understand why I am mad. I don't want pizza. I can't eat pizza because of the cheese and our daughter is allergic to dairy and I am nursing her.

So I am just being pissy and unreasonable and he is stomping around in the other room

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

I am horrible at praying.
Half the time I don’t “get” what the scriptures are saying....even though I know they are the word of God.
I hate teaching primary.

And I can’t DO FHE!!!

I struggle with this daily. I know my church is true. I have a testimony of the gospel. But I can't seem to figure out how to live the way I am supposed to. I don't know how to be that "molly mormon" figure that I so DESPERATELY want to be.

Monday, January 17, 2005

So today is the first day of my blog. I don't even know where to begin. Today was hard. We are starting an elimination diet with dairy to see if this helps Isabella's tummy. We think she may have a dairy allergy. Today I went shopping and found how hard it can be.We had church today. Sometimes I just really hate going. I feel inadequate. I don't feel as if I belong. I believe in the principals and I believe in my religion, but I don't feel good enough to be there. I spend half my time in the mother's lounge breastfeeding the baby, so I miss it all anyway. What is the point of going? Shawn just really pissed me off today. I have had several items on our "to do" list that was started last Sunday (sun and tues are days off). What we didn't get done last Sunday, we would do on Tuesday. Well-those things did not get done. They still are not done today either. And what is he doing? SItting on the couch reading a book! All day long! I keep asking for his help (cause these are things I can't do all myself) and still-they don't get done.going religious here for a minute.I know I chose to be here on this earth. I know I chose to come here and to experience this life. But sometimes I think I missed the fine print - maybe I might have passed it up! LOL