My Story

My story started in 1989 and ended October 17th 2011 when my ex-husband suffered a stroke and my stepson and I went to his house to find Power of Attorney. What we found were videos that he had made throughout our marriage where he had secretly drugged and Raped me repeatedly throughout the 4 years I lived with him. He drugged and Raped me while I was pregnant and while I breastfed my handicapped daughter. Even though I have found no current videos I am sure he has been raping me throughout the past 16 yrs. He was obsessed with me, he had easy access to me using my daughters handicap to stay in control.

I can write at this time because I’m not sure what the law is deciding to do. I’m trying to get charges against him in this state with the other women and another for me. One of the other states has a statue of limitations even though I didn’t know at the time I was being drugged and raped until 2011.

I can tell you that the rapes of me on the videos occurred in 2 different states and the videos also included another women in a third state. I now live in the third state and have been pretty much dismissed. I will tell you the police department doesn’t care much for me and wish that I would just go away. When I gave them the tapes and told them what I found they didn’t even bother to look at them. I thought at the time that they would at least go to his house and see if they could find any other evidence but they didn’t. My ex’s sister was coming in from out of state and was staying at his house. I knew that if she found any incriminating evidence she would get rid of it. I went back and found more videos, ropes, handcuffs, police badges, a vaginal spectrum, containers of pubic hairs, and, guns.

When I spoke to the detective he told me that these things take time they have training and court to attend to and besides I should be comforted to know that he (my ex) was in the hospital with a stroke and can’t do anything and besides it wasn’t in their jurisdiction. He was more concerned of the fact that I was cussing at him wondering what the hell they were doing. I asked him about the other women and he stated they hadn’t seen the other women. That scared me to death. I thought they had gotten rid of the videos! I only had the one video that was proof positive that I was not his only victim! I contacted the local police in each of the other states and they were concerned. I’m not sure how sane I would be at this point without them!

The police here have allowed his son and sister full access to the house and I’m sure they have gotten rid of anything they may have found if anything. After this discovery I found that there were people who knew what he had been doing and his son told me that his dad made him rape a young girl in this fashion when he was 8 or 9 and that he thought that was how you got girls until he met his wife when he was 29. Hum. Apparently from what I know he had been drugging and raping women for over 40 years. The last 10 years he worked as a maintenance man at the local college dorms and had the master key to the dorms. I remember him always bragging how the young girls liked him because he would help them when they partied too much or had boyfriend issues. I believe that is another reason the local police have done little if any investigation.

I sent a 2 page email to 2 congressmen, 2 senators, and the governor. I got a letter response from one senator who forwarded my email to the mayor and told if I need anything else to please write. I got another response back from one congressman just to see if the police have done anything yet. I also sent an email to the FBI. Haven’t heard anything, which I’m not surprised. I called the local FBI and they told me they don’t get involved until they hear from the locals.

I am hanging on each day trying not to let my feeling and thoughts get the best of me. I don’t know what else to do. I understand it may never go to court I just want them to at least charge him for his crimes. His son has already told him what we had found so you know there is no way he is ever going to act sane again. He is not that stupid. His speech is affected with the stroke and the right side of his body. He has been showing signs of improvement and his vitals are good.

I need help but I don’t know what. I took 30 days FMLA but spent them all going crazy trying to get someone to listen to me or at least pretend to be do something. I am back at work and walking around pretending that I’m normal and have everything under control.

I’m putting my house up for sale and want to have it ready by March. I need to get the hell out of here. I’m trying to stay busy with that, work and getting my daughter hooked up to outside activities to stay somewhat productive. I’m even attempting to become a non-smoker. I have moments when I truly understand why people lose their minds and go shooting everything in site and I also understand how a 2 year old feels when they’ve reached their point of frustration when they fall in the middle of the floor and slam their feet and arms and scream at the top of their lungs. It’s not a good feeling!

I have to sit and wonder how many other women are being drugged and Raped and not knowing. How many are in therapy wondering what the hell is wrong with them. I’m beginning to feel as if it’s acceptable behavior to Rape as long as the victim doesn’t know they are being Raped.

If anybody has any ideas at what I can or need to do, please tell me. My friends are a godsend but just as frustrated as I am in this process.

Just about every question I had the past 22 years was answered in one day.

3 comments

You are not alone. My story is very similar to yours. I pressed charges…..it has been 7 years and I still struggle with being drugged and raped by my husband. I’m sorry, but your legal battle is one that you may never win. Our society thinks of marriage as a free pass to rape your wife. I live in progressive “California” and even with 3 admitted confessions, my husband was acquitted and now I am forced t co-parent with him. I too feel like moving and running away constantly. Everything here is a reminder . . .maybe I will get lucky this summer and the court will allow my daughter to move out of state with me.

I’m sadly reassured to hear others share my story. Drugged and raped about weekly for at least eight months of a two year relationship. He managed to explain away the bruises, bleeding etc. i guess we aren’t on top of our game when we are being messed with like that. This story is too common. The system needs to change. Women who have lived with this are almost guaranteed to suffer PTSD. I believe my girls were abused too while I was drugged, and that they were drugged too. Difficult to fight legally. I wish the cops would search for photographic evidence,which I am sure he has collected. No child is safe with these men. Look up http://www.datingasociopath.com. ‘Women who love psychopaths’. And ‘toxic parents’. Get treatment for PTSD. Take very good care of yourself. Perhaps give up on the legal fight but channel your anger into something that you get some satisfaction from, and also join the growing movement to raise awareness and change the system. These guys think they are the next evolution of humanity. What a shame that would be!!!

Hi Janet,
Your story and the way you explained how you reacted was so very true about the feelings that you feel when this happens. I have a kind of similar story that involved my ex-husband. He got 5 years but is being paroled after only serving 1 1/2 years. If you need support I am here for you. I cannot believe what he has done to you. How devastating. He is a very sick person and needs to be put away before he hurts any more girls or women.The police will not keep going forward. You must keep going and bother them until they do something, Did you make a police report?