Smug newlyweds surprised at hatred

A newlywed couple have spoken of their surprise at the intense hatred their awful smugness has provoked among family and friends.

Upon returning from their second honeymoon, newlyweds James and Leanne Brubaker have terrorised friends and family on social media, heavily promoting their recent nuptials with re-styled wedding photos and bitesized marriage advice in the form of hasthtags.

Defending her online conduct, a proud-to-be Mrs Brubaker gushed: “We just want everyone to know how happy and in love we are. The thing is I know I can help my single friends find their true love. I guess some people just aren’t ready to be helped. That’s jealous bitches for you.”

Clearly punching husband, James, said he couldn’t explain the derision, admitting: “I don’t understand what all this is about – I’ve just done what I’ve been told.”

Claire Worsley, Leanne’s best friend and chief Bridesmaid revealed she is conflicted about their happiness, stating: “After their ropey start to their relationship, when James cheated with his prettier ex, I was so happy he had finally committed to her. But she’s changed.”

“She keeps telling me “don’t worry, you’ll find your person“. Every day she re-posts their wedding video with #lobsters, and I know for a fact they’re still updating their wedding board on Pinterest.”

The single 29 year-old explained: “I want to be happy for them, I really do, but she purposefully put us in those frumpy lemon dresses just to make sure we all looked like horrific pigs. Leanne’s probably just making the best of the situation because James is rich and OK looking, but his ex gave him the clap.”

“And who the fuck carries their wedding album around with them anyway?!”