Paranormal Activity & Tasering Children

I can’t have the TV on for more than 11 seconds without someone, something or some place, being haunted, terrorized or unexplainably spooked.

Let me tell you about the time I was forced to perform an emergency exorcism at at Euro-Disney. It started like any other day in the park, I was on patrol looking for random Europeans to taser and rifle through their lederhosen for spare euros.

I was stationed near “It’s a small world,” a place chosen by me because it’s been clinically proven to cause temporary insanity when exposed to the song for more than 13 minutes. That’s why all the “actors” inside are robots.

Anyways, being one to always think ahead, I was working on an early “temporary insanity” plea alibi for when I snapped and started tasering random children. No jury on the planet would convict me once they heard I had been standing outside and exposed to near lethal doses of “it’s a small world after all” for close to an hour.

It’s ironic because in Europe, it really is a small world, you can take one wrong turn in Paris and end up in Rome 3 minutes later. Unlike here in Canada where you can drive non-stop for 144 hours and be just under halfway across your province. But I digress.

Finally, I see the kid I’m gonna taze, short little swiss-pfrench (the P is silent) eating some escargot flavoured kettle corn and start making my way over to him, I play it cool, follow for a bit – picking my spot, a time when his sisters aren’t looking, nor his parents, I slowly turn up the taser to rhino – weird I know but that’s the highest setting, well there is one more but we only ever use that for blondes. Mostly that setting is fatal.

I turn the taser up to rhino and start to get the giggles because I know this kids about to crap himself, literally – and then ohhhhhhhhh wait. Ok look, never mind, my bad, he wasn’t possessed by satan, it was the taser that made him do all that foaming and what not….