Join us as we discuss verbal and emotional abuse, why it occurs, and how you can stop it. Anyone can join in by making comments on the different blogs we post. This blog is based on the work of Dr. Mike and Shelly Marshall and their book, respect-me
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Saturday, September 20, 2014

The recent "Verbal Abuse Defense Certificate" Graduates: We thank them all for their participation and are sharing some of the insights they learned andhoefully will carry into the future for their own self-respect.

Sharon C. (on closure)
I would understand and know that the perpetrator of abusive behavior would've and will abuse whether i was the target or not.when i learn to keep my power more proficiently, I will avoid getting sucked in to false promises in future.

Em K. (rewarding behavior)
When we give them what they want, they believe they earned it successfully with their behavior. It is
not kind to allow them to continue this behavior.

Jennifer P. (how he treats me)
He is a raging bull and his target is me. He acts as if he hates me and lives only to punish me. He
never apologizes for anything and we just move on like it never happened. I may bring it up, but he just denies or blames me for it. I'm fully aware of what he's trying to do.

Catherine M. (closure)
A mutual acknowledgement that it took two people to end the "relationship". Civility. Just a parting that allows both people to go on with their lives. Respect and regard and well wishes for their future.
Gratitude for lessons learned.

Broken Heart (on rewarding behavior)
Their behavior will only intensify if we allow our perpetrator to continue to be mean

Penny D. (How to stop abuse)
Do not respond. Do not react. Do not reward them. Do not accept blame. Do not explain or
apologize. Focus on self-care. Do not allow contact if necessary

Jada L. (on detachment)
Disassociating one's self from the abuser's behavior; not to dance with them. Also, to keep focused on self staying positive. Remembering that this is what you can do and this is what you cannot do.

Friday, September 12, 2014

This is a new twist, but makes sense. A dirty mouth leads to a dirty mouth!

Domestic Verbal And Physical Violence Linked To Poor Dental Health; Does Abuse Lead To Cavities?: "Negative behaviors such as hitting, kicking, insulting, and threatening, ruin the family dynamic’s regular routines, such as tooth brushing and emotional stress eating. "There's a pretty good history in the [medical] literature of lousy family environments being associated with bad health, so I guess our findings aren't surprising in that regard," the study’s co-author Michael Lorber, di"

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

This is something we have to think about with verbal abuse--I am a staunch first amendment rights person and when my ex called me names. I told him that he could not say that to me.

He replied, "I can say any goddamned thing I want to!"

and I have to agree--he can. He just can't say them to me. And that is the crucial. If he want s to talk like that--well, OK. Your first amendment right prevails. However, if you want to say it to me, my self-respect prevails. I chose to respect myself and remove myself from the presence of those that don't respect me.

I hope you feel the same--see what this board member says about it--even though he is not talking about a marriage or relationship, the principle is the same:

My View: Freedom of speech or verbal abuse? - Opinion - Journal Standard - Freeport, IL: "I’ve been on the Stephenson County Board for close to two years now and almost every time certain board members or members of the audience begin shouting or using abusive language. Any attempt by the chair or other members of the board to censure such behavior is met by opposition from some board members as a violation of First Amendment rights of freedom of speech"