Suzette Martinez Standring: ‘The Skeptic and the Rabbi’ offers insights for all

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Sep 28, 2017 at 10:54 AMSep 28, 2017 at 11:02 AM

Suzette Martinez Standring More Content Now

Judy Gruen, an individualistic, “child of the 70s” career woman, slowly embraced a life of Orthodox Judaism while in her mid-20’s. To the outsider, Orthodox Jews practice inconvenient rules and dress codes that include, for example, mandating a married woman to wear a scarf or wig over her real hair. Why? The answers are found in Judy Gruen’s new memoir, “The Skeptic and The Rabbi: Falling In Love with Faith” (September 2017, $16.95, 218 pages www.shewritespress.com)

The book offers insights for all, as I discovered parallels to my own adult baptism into Christianity years ago. Often a conscious choice toward religion is fraught with negative associations by others. Gruen admits her fears and hesitation about living a life of “rules, rituals and restraints.”

Her narrative begins with her 1987 wedding, a backdrop to her voyage into a deep Jewish faith. Later in the epilogue, the mother of three sons and one daughter, reflects on her lifelong spiritual choices as she is about to walk her eldest son down the aisle as he marries a young Orthodox woman.

Growing up in a Jewish Conservative household, Gruen believed that female liberation and Orthodox Judaism were incompatible. One set of grandparents were devout Conservative Jews, while the other grandparents were secular and atheist. Like so many transformations in life, a turning to faith begins with meaningful relationships. She dated Jeffrey Gruen, then a young man seriously exploring a commitment to Orthodox Judaism. He was kind, intelligent, funny, and thoughtful about faith, and her intrigue grew. Although initially skeptical of Orthodoxy, Gruen admired — and realized she also wanted — the wholesome family bonds and communal closeness she encountered within the Orthodox community. Jeffrey, whom she later married, never pushed her into religious decisions.

Not that he could have. Gruen is a questioner, resistant to lockstep dogma. She explored the Torah with Rabbi Daniel Lapin, the rabbi of the title, discovering psychological and spiritual insights in the original Hebrew language. She wrote, “I knew I could not resist delving deeper to learn what these Hebrew words meant, and as a good journalist tries to do, to find the story behind the story.”

Thus, a new way of looking at life and worship was born.

In both the Torah and the Bible, the Jewish people are “set apart” by God as his special people. Today, many outside of Orthodox Judaism are bewildered, even annoyed by its “special” requirements, such as dietary rules separating dairy and meat, and boundaries between male-female social interactions. Gruen shares how she adjusted to the rule against sexual relations for a period of time each month among married couples. Her stories are content-filled, often funny, and sometimes poignant.

For Orthodox Jews, daily observance is an act of worship, a surrender to The Creator who gave Jews these laws more than 3,300 years ago. Orthodoxy heightened Gruen’s sense of Jewish identity, created powerful family and community bonds, and intimacy with her husband. “The Skeptic and the Rabbi” is both deep and delightful, and gives clarity how a love of faith can add purpose and richness to life.

— Email Suzette Standring: suzmar@comcast.net or visit www.readsuzette.com. The award-winning author writes for The Patriot Ledger and is syndicated through GateHouse Media.