Friday, January 13, 2006

The story I'm about to tell you is real. The names have been changed to protect the innocent and the event took place a few years ago. Oh, and this is not yet rated.

After a session of bumpin' uglies with my husband, my eye was irritated due to, umm, let's just say it was bad aim. I flushed my eye out with water, but it still burned really bad. So bad that I contemplated calling the poison control people. I would have called if I didn't think that I'd be the topic of the conversation for the rest of the week. "Hey Bob, did you hear about that girl who called last night who got jiz in her eye?" I just left it alone and tried to go to sleep.

The next day I went to work with a bright red eyeball. Working with physicians, some concern was shown by a female nurse practitioner.

NP: "April, what's wrong with your eye?"Me: "Oh, it's just allergies."NP: "I don't think so. It really looks like pink eye."Me: "NO, NO, it's NOT pink eye."NP: "I think it is pink eye and you shouldn't be here if it is because it's contagious."Me: "Thank you very much for your concern, but I am positive that it's NOT pink eye."

She walked away and about 10 minutes later one of the male physicians stopped by my office.

As I followed him to one of the exam rooms, I could feel my face getting more red than my eye. I wasn't sure if I could tell him what was REALLY wrong with my eye. So we walked into the room and he shut the door behind me.

Doc: "Just hop up here and I'll take a look."Me: "Um, Doc, I have to tell you something."Doc: "...."Me: "See, I know that I don't have pink eye."Doc: "Is that so?"Me: "Yes. Ummmm, my husband and I were kinda...well you know, and well.....he sorta shot the stuff in my eye, and ummmm apparently my eye doesn't like it.....if ya know what I mean."Doc: "Oooohhhhhh, so it's not pink eye."Me: "No, it's not pink eye."Doc: Hahahahahaha "That's about the funniest thing I've heard in a long time." Hahahahaha. "Ok then, get back to work!"