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Tina: I asked Wally to stop eating noisy snacks in his cubicle but he refuses.
Catbert: "That's because he likes salt more than he likes you. We all feel the same way."
Tina: "What?"
CAtbert: "You're somewhere between oatmeal and kelp."

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Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. Both of them look like they have been burned in a fire. Dilbert says, "My status report is a bit light this week because I'm having an e-mail flame war with Wally." Dilbert continues angrily, "Wally refuses to admit my technical superiority or his simian ancestry. It is my obligation to set him straight." Wally shakes his fist at Dilbert and shouts, "NEVER!!" Dilbert says, "I'm thinking this somehow elevates my rank in the herd and improves my mating possibilities." Wally says, "We're victims of hormones."

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Wally: I recently realized how much I enjoy listening to myself talk. The alternative involves listening to people who are boring and wrong about everything.
Dilbert: That's not...
Wally: Shhh! Don't ruin a perfect moment.

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Wally: I have an idea on how to fix our process.
Alice: I've noticed that all of your ideas make everyone but you work harder.
Wally: Apparently, we have different criteria for what makes an idea great.

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Wally: I have a great idea for you.
Carol: Keep it to yourself. Your ideas are always insults masquerading as helpfulness.
Wally: You seem cranky. Have you considered riding a bike to work?
Carol: Die, monster!

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Asok: Have you ever mentored anyone who went on to be successful?
Wally: Depends on your definition of success.
Asok: Well, at minimum, they'd need to be alive and gainfully employed.
Wally: What's your ruling on comas?

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Alice: I'm back from vacation. Did you have any problems covering for me?
Wally: No problem at all I saved all of your work for when you got back.
Alice: I hate you with the heat of a thousand suns!
Wally: How was your vacation? Was it relaxing?

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Wally enters and asks, "Working hard?" Dilbert replies, "Hardly working!" Dilbert giggles and snorts. Wally says, "You snorted." Back at home, Dilbert tells Dogbert, "It was my best line of the day . . . Then I snorted." Dogbert says, "The curse of the engineer."

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Dilbert and Wally stand in front of the coffee machine. Wally says, "I was a sheep rancher before I worked here." Dilbert asks, "How many sheep did you have?" Wally says, "I'm not sure . . ." Wally continues, "Every time I tried to count them, I feel asleep."

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Dilbert and Wally stand in the hallway holding coffee cups. Wally says, "I'm thinking of quitting and becoming an entrepreneur." Wally continues, "I want to experience life on the edge, full of risk and challenge and adventure!" Dilbert says, "The company stops paying you if you quit." Wally responds, "Oh, then never mind."