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Modern Dating Is Destroying Relationships, Says A Former 'Player'

Limitless options and dwindling patience are threatening to end love as we know it.

My hundreds of internet dates fall into the same category. For the committed pantsman, Facebook and dating sites are just one big vagina catalogue. I've even gone to bed with a woman I met through Twitter. Why settle on one woman when you can have hundreds? Why get married when you can date a different girl every night of the week?

Formerly happily monogamous men can become dreadful bounders because of the internet. Technology encourages men — and increasingly women — to play around. In fact women, I have found in my experience, are becoming just as callous and predatory as men. The checklist mentality is given free rein by the web.

And because of this traditional relationships are under siege, families are under siege. Even people who are in committed relationships are thinking about getting out. Their thinking is: If everyone else is having so much fun, what the hell did I get married for?

Everyone is spoiled for choice. Distracted. Impatient. Dissatisfied. It's easy to send a picture of an erect penis or bare breasts on your phone. You can have sex on Skype. Porn has changed what we all expect in the bedroom, and if we're not getting it we start looking elsewhere, using the internet, smartphones, dating sites, GPS-based hook-up apps, and whatever else is being invented any given week.

I put forward the argument in Laid Bare that relationships have "effectively suffered the fate of porn movies: been reduced to 'scenes', designed for short attention spans and instant gratification rather than rewarding patience". Patience is the root of any worthwhile relationship. The time you spend riding out those periods when things aren’t so good makes the periods when things are going great so much better.

The verb "to love" — the action of love, showing love, giving love — is just as important as the feeling of being "in love". In this overconnected world, we’re in danger of forgetting what a true connection really means.

And that is tolerating what it is that makes us human. Not thinking of each other as faultless avatars on a computer screen.

As my daughter said in that traffic jam, it all starts with a little patience.

1. He's not a douche about being in shape.

Look, Chris Evans has a great body. Most importantly, though, is that he's not a jerk about it. He doesn't walk around shirtless, unless it's in a completely appropriate situation. You don't have to worry about him flashing his abs to your mom, but if that shirt does come off for whatever reason, she'll still be impressed.

Photo: Disney / Marvel

2. He makes dangerous stuff look adorable.

Girls want a bad boy, moms want a teddy bear. Well guess what? Chris Evans is a bad teddy bear. But, not in a dirty way. Unless you want it dirty. Chris Evans is here for you!

Photo: Disney / Marvel

3. Chris Evans cleans up really nicely.

You want your mom to see a guy at his best, and Chris Evans at his best looks like America personified. If your mom doesn't appreciate that, then she's a terrorist and she should be in jail.

Photo: Disney / Marvel

4. He's active!

He knows how to swim, how to throw stuff, how to fight. Your mom will love his various skills. He can definitely take care of you.

Photo: Disney / Marvel

5. Chris Evans hangs out with classy broads.

Is it offensive to call a dame a broad? Either way, those are the types of ladies that Chris Evans associates with. You don't have to worry about sketchy ex-girlfriends showing up and ruining everything.

Photo: Disney / Marvel

6. Chris Evans stands up to jerks!

Your mom wants a guy who will protect you. Not just from bears and stuff like that, but also a man who protects your honor. If some guy is being a jerk, and Chris Evans is around, then you've got nothing to worry about.

Photo: Disney / Marvel

7. He's got great health insurance.

Chris Evans is rich and famous. He financially stable, so you know he's got the health insurance that covers all the luxurious stuff. Like mud baths.

Photo: Disney / Marvel

8. Chris Evans looks good in uniform.

If there's one thing moms love, it's a man in uniform. Even if the uniform is just a costume, they still love it. Chris Evans only wears uniforms in his personal life (from what I hear, which may be wrong).

Photo: Disney / Marvel

9. He's got impressive friends.

Chris Evans hangs out with cool people, but even around cool people, he still looks like the boss. There's nothing more impressive than that.

Photo: Disney / Marvel

10. Chris Evans is dedicated.

You don't get a body like that by accident. If you could, they wouldn't call them accidents, they'd call them miracles.

Photo: Disney / Marvel

11. Chris Evans is a true gentleman.

My girlfriend can't look at this photo of Betty White and Chris Evans without crying because everything about it is perfect.

Photo: YouTube

Look, Chris Evans has a great body. Most importantly, though, is that he's not a jerk about it. He doesn't walk around shirtless, unless it's in a completely appropriate situation. You don't have to worry about him flashing his abs to your mom, but if that shirt does come off for whatever reason, she'll still be impressed.