Though University President Lawrence H. Summers still hasn’t agreed to a tennis match, the boys from FM have nevertheless begun thinking about their on-court strategies.

Ben Mathis-Lilley, chair: I think I’m going to try to serve diagonally, across the court. You know, put it into that box on the front half of the court, the one on the other side of the court from where I’m serving.

Ben Wasserstein, editor: I’ve got some tricks up my sleeve myself. Turns out there’s something called a...hang on, I wrote it down here somewhere...a doubles alley, on the sides of the court. It seems that if we’re playing doubles, It’s totally kosher to throw the ball there. Ol’ Lar’ won’t see that coming!

Kenyon Weaver, publisher: You ready for this, Summers? Service. Return. and....Slam! Slam! Slam! You’ll be begging for hippies to take over your office when I’m done with you!