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Saturday, November 26, 2016

While I understand people encounter writer’s block, I often laugh it off, like I’m knocking on wood. It doesn’t affect me, I won’t give it power.

Every time I have thought of picking up the laptop to write, post traumatic brain injury (TBI): my wife’s, not mine, I shudder. The last three posts were related to it, and I can’t seem to get beyond that. It was traumatic, not just to her, but also to me. I struggle to take/make time for myself and get out of constant caregiving [hibernation] mode. The injury made me hypersensitive to her needs, and getting out of that mode is more difficult an adjustment that I would have believed possible. Maybe it’s just age and an empty-nest syndrome without ever having had kids.

I’ve also resisted believing things are better. I feel if I acknowledge how much better she is, and she’s practically all better, something will slide and my expectations will be let down, instead of constantly amazed like they are now. The migraines are almost non-existent at this point; they were almost constant for 3 years. I can’t even imagine a world where my head hurt that much for that long. She’s starting to be able to handle places with people: coffee shops, restaurants; this is a gradual re-introduction. She can’t drive yet.

So that leads me to being in a place where I can take more time for myself and reconnect with the world at large. It leaves me time to take back my hobbies, interests and other aspects of my life that were put on hold by me. But when I see the posts I made on the TBI, I freeze.

In the coming months, I have a lot to say and will be saying it. The election, the issues in our society, they all are pushing me to write more. To say something and after that, do something.

My life is awaking to many changes: personally, socially, geographically and professionally. A momentum is starting that will take us to new and different places. Change can be painful, it takes us out of our comfort zones, but it can also be fun. I’m looking forward to the changes. My next 4 years are going to be busy just trying to keep up with all that’s coming.

Occasionally, when someone finds out I’ve been married for 21 years; they ask me what the secret is. My stock reply: how your relationship adapts to change. People don’t stay still … it’s time to move.