A year before this, I would never expect to be going through or have gone through all these events that I am now. Nor have I foresee myself to be in my current situation. Have I become a little wiser or smarter? Maybe. But I do know that I can definitely cope with setbacks.

It gets frustrating at times. Especially when you face one after another too often too soon. But I guess that is also the fastest way to learn and also grow. However I feel exhausted sometimes. I am still young and should not be feeling this way. Is it because of all the things that happened to me throughout my whole life that made me feel so old? Or is it just a growing process to feel this kind of exhaustion, fear and perplexity.

What do I love? What do I love enough to do it day and night? What do I love enough to do it for years or maybe the rest of my life?

A friend once told me, the way to know if something fits you is to try it. Remember going shopping with a mate and then she points out a shirt and says, “Hey, try this! I think this will look good on you”.

And you slowly declined, ” No this will make me look fat or pale or.. some other not too positive things.”

How do you know?

It is because you’ve tried it before and therefore you know.

The point she was trying to make to me was the same as finding a career in life. Some jobs may seem interesting to one but one will only know if it is true to one till he/she tries it.

As ambitious I may get, I feel an urge to drop everything and travel to somewhere far from home. Live life simply just a year. To understand myself without the influence of others. I’ve always been having this crazy urge for the last few years, maybe one day it will really manifest. At least for now, I am too realistic to do so.

I am looking into volunteering, perhaps it will be a good opportunity to hone my skills and find something I am really passionate about while doing a good cause.