I Always Get Confused Coming Out of Menards

I like to think of myself as a bit of a handyman. I like to build stuff and fix things. I grew up with parents that remodeled every house they lived in. My youth was filled with sheet-rock and tools. Plus, I get a super jolt of Dad Feelings when my kids bring me anything that breaks or doesn't work, because 'Dad can fix anything.' That's a direct quote from my daughter by the way.

So I spend a fair amount of time at my friendly neighborhood home improvement superstore, Menards. I went there when I lived in Nebraska, and now I go here in Sioux Falls. But, no matter where I go, no matter which store i'm in, I always get confused when I leave.

Let me explain. If you don't know the way the stores are designed, there are separate 'in' and 'out' doors, on each side of the front of the building. That's a great idea, especially for a place where you are carting big loads of wood and drywall out to your truck.

It never fails though. I always walk out the 'out' door, and am lost. Completely. Much to the amusement (at first) of my family. By now it's just annoying to them.

I drive into the parking lot, carefully planning where I will park to avoid confusion. I park on the 'out' side of the parking lot, just past the center. I'm not worried about walking a little extra. I just don't want to be wandering around later like a John Travolta GIF.

Just last night I was there. I planned my parking out like a quarterback before the big game. I was near the front of the store, just by the 'out' door. I got out. Looked around, got my barrings, and went in to get the weed-trimmer string that I was there for. As per usual, I ended up wandering around, looking at wood, plumbing, and their surprisingly good selection of barbecue sauces.

A message from my daughter wondering where I was at, because it have been almost 90 minutes, sent me on to the checkouts. I payed for my weed-trimmer string. And some duct tape, a new screwdriver set, a box of screws I know I'll need for a project that's in my head, some lawn weed killer stuff, and I think that was it. Oh, no, I also got Dr. Pepper infused BBQ sauce.

I grabbed my sack, approach the 'out' doors, took a breath, and stepped outside, into what seemed like a new world! Did I miss the 'out' door and step into a wormhole? Do I need to keep an eye out for the Jem'Hadar? I, of course, then wandered the wrong direction, away from my car. Then up and down a row of cars. I made it almost to the access road in front of the parking lot, turned around, frantically pressing the lock/unlock button on my key fob and surveyed the whole lot. There! I spotted it. So, I made my way to my car, and once again survived my usual hardware store brain scramble.