On my quest to find a better bullet/egg vibrator – one that’s powerful and also well made so that it will last long – I’ve had a few duds and a few that were not bad but just not right. In a way I feel like Goldilocks. Goldilocks and the 100-acre Sex Toy Store. Wait no, I’m mixing my childhood stories there.

Sadly Goldilocks (Lillilocks?) has not yet found her “just right”. The Silk Touch Egg Vibe had potential but it floundered and then finally failed completely. I had thought that it was just mine and that I somehow got a dud, but my dealer (Drew) hunted and found out that more than half of the people who reviewed it had the same problem or similar. So for that reason alone, I can’t recommend this vibe – especially at a price tag of $27.99 at the time of this writing. For the quality of the item, the price should be half that. This vibe will just *poof* stop working. Click the big button and it turns back on, for half a minute. Sometimes only half a second.

There are other reasons though why this vibrator is just not up to par. For startersContinue reading »

{no HNT this week, outta pics and haven’t had the time or ability to take new ones. next week!}

Ah, Craigslist. Such hope, such possibility, such fodder for snark.

A couple months ago I mentioned this young guy who works here in my office. At first I just thought it was cute but I brushed it off with “He’s too young”. But then the old wheels…they start a turnin’. And by the time I figure out that yeah, I could go for some of that, he’s seemingly cooled off. Maybe? I can’t tell. Playing hard to get now that I glance back and flirt a little too, or did he cool off because of all the wedding talk? From the time I started planning the wedding, I was talking about it to the girls in my aisle, a couple desks back. He sits on the other side of the cube wall, the other aisle….so he heard most of it. Aww what a good little boy, not wanting to flirt with a married woman *snickers*

So I took a plunge and posted this up on Craigslist. I attached a pic too….the one I put in that post about him. Sure it’s cleavage only but I figured that if he was reading the post, he would know by that photo that it was me.

Post title was “For ‘M’ on the [redacted] floor” and it listed my age and city.

This is SUCH a long shot.

Both for you even reading this, and being interested.

We both work in [redacted] for [redacted], on the [redacted] floor. You’re about 10 years younger than me I think, but I kinda don’t care. I don’t want a relationship (I think you’ve figured out by now that I’m married, but you don’t know that it’s open); I just want an office flirt, the occasional hook-up, etc.

There seems to have been some occasional brief flirtations between us. Looking-but-not-looking, and in general being very coy. I know you chat up a few of the girls your age, so I’m not sure you’re actually interested in an older BBW like me. Is it too obvious though that sometimes I expose a little too much cleavage for your benefit? You think I don’t know that when we’re standing there waiting on that machine, you sneak peeks.

The correct guy will tell me his first name and the name of the building we work in.

I wanna ask you guys something. The men here, please reply….you can even put in a fake email address for this one if you want to remain anonymous when you divulge the truth.

If you browse Craigslist for encounters, or just the missed connections section for whatever reason….would you reply to that post or something similar knowing full well that the post is not for you? Knowing that the poster (me) put that up looking for “M” and not just any guy. If you WOULD reply…..why?

I’m sure you all know that I got replies from guys who knew damn well they weren’t the guy I was looking for. Today I decided to reply to a couple and ask them why. I’ll continue this next week after I hear some insightful comments from my readers.

According to the Google Webmaster tools, I have 285 Google subscribers to my feed.

Wait, huh? 285?? That can’t be right….

For one, the number just seems high to me. For two, I’d say that other than HNT posts the most number of commenters I’ve had on one post is less than 20. Which says to me that either I have a lot of lazy/lurker readers, or the 285 is just nonsense.

Because it was pointed out to me (most recently) by my friend Sarah, I do realize that there are folks who read my blog in the feed (Hi, Rob) and can’t ever really visit my decidedly NSFW/Not-Family-Friendly blog. So I’ve been trying to do more with the feed. It’s being met with equal parts “whahoo I did it” and “goddammitwtfpieceofshit”.

First I started out seeing if I could find a WordPress plugin that would not only show comment count, but allowe the reader to submit a comment right from the feed. But I don’t think that exists.

Next I added in the “share” icons to the posts and to the feed, so that’s somethin I guess.

Then I was at somebody else’s blog and saw their Feedburner icon showing the number of subscribers. Their number was considerably lower than mine; the reason that struck me as odd is because they have been around as a blogger for a lot longer than me and I was under the impression that they and their blog were a lot more popular an well-known than mine. So I figured Feedburner was more accurate. I signed up for Feedburner.

And here’s where my eyes go wide and I realize I’m in over my head.

Feedburner (which is friggin -owned- by Google now, yes?) says I have 27 subscribers to my feed. Now I don’t think that number is accurate either…why isn’t it picking up on the Google subscribers that Google Webmaster Tools reports I have? EDIT: After having Feedburner manage things for a full day rather than partial day, it’s now reporting 455 subscribers. And you think I was gobsmacked about 285.

So then I started poking around in the features with Feedburner. Changing how my feed looks, etc. In a section called “FeedFlare” there’s a couple options I thought I’d put in, like the comment count, the ability to email the post, and the ability to email me without having to go to the website for my address. But the comment count isn’t showing, nor is my “Email the author” link.

“Allow subscribers to email you directly using a web-based form FeedBurner provides. (If there is no author email address encoded in your feed, this Flare does not display.)”

Encoded in my feed?? How and where??

*sigh*

OH! I forgot this! I did away with the comments feed when I switched to Feedburner…..I never use it on other blogs, but if you did subscribe to that, please let me know, I’ll put it back.

Ok I put the comments feed over to Feedburner too.

And I still can’t fucking figure out this shit, the FeedFlares. I selected both the WordPress and the Blogger comment count, knowing full well I’m WordPress…..and the fucking Blogger one works, but not the WordPress! However clicking on the comments count doesn’t take you to the comments point of the post. And I can’t edit it. Can’t make the “Email the Author” work. Can’t figure out ANY of it. Grrrrrr.

You guys know that I am nothing if not honest. So contained herein you get my very honest review. I hope that it gets read by potential buyers and by the reviewing community, as well. I also want to note that I did not have to review this toy – I was given the option not to, or to receive another of the same toy that perhaps might not be defective. I declined the replacement toy but I wanted to write the review anyways.

Also….yeah I know. Overload of reviews lately. It’ll be over soon, you can skip them, whatever. There is reason for it though, I promise.

The Boss Lady is apparently a Babeland Exclusive vibe, made by Fun Factory. Therefore, you won’t find this anywhere else.

There was a very strange and confusing mix-up regarding this toy which went out to the reviewers that did not get resolved for a few weeks, or noticed. I’ve decided not to go into it here. If you really want to know, just ask. The bottom line is that what I have is different yet the same as what is now being sold by Babeland. The circumstances though have not only driven home my decision to not review for Babeland anymore, but also I do not feel comfortable fully endorsing them. That right there is MY opinion, not the opinion of many other reviewers.

Right now sextoy.com has a lot of kits. These kits allow you to get a major toy of a brand name you’ll recognize (others include Rock Chick, Fleshlight, etc) and a few other “extra” toys that are of the cheaper variety (and you cannot tell the brand of the extra items, for the most part). I had requested the Berman Center Selene Vibrating Clitoral Pump Sex Toy Kit (boy that’s a mouthful!) mainly because I was very interested in trying a clitoral pump and also it included a Mini-Mite massager – which I figured might be the same brand as my old beloved red pocket rocket – and a Silver Bullet which appeared to be very similar to my original much-loved-may-it-rest-in-peace Bullet.

It’s been months since I last bothered with Craigslist but when I did I had a lovely run-in with the sort of guy who, once spurned, turns his forked tongue from compliments to insults. Also given his Wal-mart Employee status and general unintelligence, it proved to be ultimately more funny than hurtful. In fact, I wasn’t bothered negatively by it at all. I find this sort of behavior really funny because I don’t think these men realize just how bad it makes them look.

And while it is entirely too easy to make fun of these sorts, like shooting fish in a barrel, it’s still amusing as hell.

I’ll admit to you that this comes from my profile on OkCupid. I originally (couple years ago) started up on this site to meet women. I’ve actually ended up meeting men, mostly. Some have worked out to varying degrees and still others were abject failures. I used to like the site. It’s one of the few that are free, there’s a lot of people of many ages and tastes on there ranging from those looking for hook-ups to those looking for the next Mr/Ms Right. In the last year though I’ve gotten fed up with both the site and the offerings of men and women in my area (meaning, I think, that I need to fucking move). So I changed my status from “Available” to “Seeing Someone” (meaning, I’m not looking for anything other than friendship). My profile is, perhaps unlike others, very honest and open and wordy. I migrated from highlighting the sexy to highlighting my base personality including my quirks, my ADD and my sense of humor. When I changed my status though I removed all sexy/risque photos and left up only one of me from waist to face.When I first started my blog, I included the link to it. When I first did toy reviews, I also posted them to the “blog” on the site. But when I quickly realized that I wouldn’t want anybody who works for…um…..the place I work…. to find my profile and then my blog, I removed the link. I still mentioned it because it’s part of my base sexuality and I will give out the link, but I said that people have to ask for a link. I have ignored messages of local guys asking for it, or just creepy men. And again, I don’t have the time or energy or give-a-shitness to respond “no thanks” to every guy who messages me whom I don’t have any interest in.

So this guy. He’s in my area. He’s a little older than I would normally go for, he’s 40 but doesn’t look it – he is likely moderately attractive but doesn’t photograph all that well. While not repulsive, he’s just not my type either physically or what he’s looking for according to his profile. He’s looking for his Ms Right. He’s got a 14 year old daughter and he even had her write this (really cute) paragraph on his profile. If I were a single woman looking for a family type guy, that profile would attract my attention.

And then he messages me after I logged in after a 2-month hiatus. I log back in 2 days later and see a few emails. I read them, I clicked over to his profile, but wasn’t interested. I’ll let you read this all, start to finish. I changed only a part of his username. I’m not real keen on keeping his identity well concealed actually, but I’m not bitch enough to outright post the exact correct username.

And of course, all typos and such are left to original status.

From: Bradsgreeneyes 05/08/2009 – 9:26pm

thought you had a really off the wall profile which is cool by me. i like different. if you want to send me a link to your blog, i would appreciate it. if not, thats fine also.

I believe it was the next morning, Saturday, around 8 or 9am, that I logged in, read it, glanced at his profile, and logged out.

From: Bradsgreeneyes 05/09/2009 – 11:03am

i am definitely interested in your link. would love to see some pics and would send you some of me also.

Why do they all assume that I’m interested in collecting cock-shots? I’m not, not unsolicited ones and certainly not men I’m not already flirting with. Women, on the other hand, are encouraged to send unsolicited pics ;)

From: Bradsgreeneyes 05/09/2009 – 5:56pm

can i ask why you don’t reply. you put that on your page and i thought you wanted people to check out your link. you are a very attractive woman and think pretty cool by reading your profile. i understand that you are seeing someone, but would still like to check out your link. what do i have to do? could you please reply. thanks.

Second email after I ignored him. At least this time he waited. Note as well that other than logging in that morning, I hadn’t logged back in.

From: Bradsgreeneyes 05/09/2009 – 6:46pm

i take it by your no response that your link is not a really that great to check out, or there isn’t one at all.

Oh and now the Dr Jekyl side peeks out. Or is it his bad attempt at reverse psychology?

From: Bradsgreeneyes 05/09/2009 – 9:43pm

still waiting.

still Creeeeeeppppyyyyyy

From: Bradsgreeneyes 05/10/2009 – 12:53pm

i am still waiting. i am very persistant. i will not stop until you reply.

Wow. That much is obvious. I still haven’t yet logged in, btw…

From: Bradsgreeneyes 05/12/2009 – 10:54pm

still waiting for the link to your blog. you put that in your profile, for what reason, if you are not going to be honest about it. you are very beautiful, and i would love to see you.

We’re back to the complimenting tactic, along with….I don’t know what. I’m not sure what that second sentence is trying to say.

From: Bradsgreeneyes 05/12/2009 – 11:03pm

would you at least talk to me.

Would you at least give up?!?! Geesh

From: Lilly 05/15/2009 – 11:05pm

Ok, whoa. I havent even logged in in days! But seeing the deluge of emails from you, some of them not nice /borderline creepy/insulting….no. I won’t give out the link to my site.

And I don’t have the link in my profile because I couldn’t risk people that work where I do somehow being on this site and finding my blog.

Look ….I had to be honest, and hoped that by finally acknowledging him he’d back off.

I think I logged out right after sending this.

From: Bradsgreeneyes 05/15/2009 – 11:13pm

thats cool. sorry, i thought you were on cuz it said that you were online. i was just a little frustrated cuz you put that on there and then i thought you were blowing me off by not replying. that was my mistake. but honestly speaking i do think you are a very attractive woman, but i dont understand your decision. thanks for replying though. again sorry.

brad

So he’s apologizing. Again, complimenting. Does he think I’ll change my mind? Does he think that that will erase the creepy-kinda-mean messages? Apparently so.

From: Bradsgreeneyes 05/15/2009 – 11:32pm

would you talk through im with me sometime?

Days later, I log back in, frustrated to see he’s not given up. He’s also viewed my profile every. fucking. day.

From: Lilly 05/21/2009 – 12:29pm

As you can see, I’m rarely on here, so no. And what about my decision do you not understand?

From: Bradsgreeneyes 05/21/2009 – 5:11pm

thats cool. who actually wants to see some naked fat chick anyways. a carpet muncher at that. bet ya your man/woman is a looker.

Ohhhhhh so NOW I’m a fat chick, eh? And I bet if he read any of my posts on here about other women he wouldn’t be so disparaging with the lesbian slurs. I didn’t let my full bitch out when replying to the douchebags on that other site, but tonight….I was in a bad mood already, I hadn’t had a good day at work and had had a….disappointing turn of conversation with someone. Instead of getting angry though, I got even.While I hadn’t, obviously, yet posted his messages to me here, I wanted him to think I already had. The threat of “I will” didn’t seem as enjoyable. And again half of his message doesn’t make sense.

From: Lilly 05/21/2009 – 9:16pm

Thanks for playin along, Brad! It’s always a treat when I get the occasional message from the psychonuts who play up the compliments and begging but then when I bruise their ego they overcompensate for their tiny penis by turning nutter and maliciously threatening and/or insulting me. Honestly, it’s proven to be a huge matter of entertainment with my friends, my twitter buds, and my blog readers! I posted your messages to me up on my blog and it was so greatly enjoyed. You see, it’s really transparent when the local guys, such as yourself, start off with right away asking for the link to my blog. And guess what? It’s such an obvious pattern, you’re all the same. Predictable and staid. The guys who would NOT commit date rape are the ones I’ll gladly pass along the link to. Do not. Ever. Contact me again. Buhbye now!

It was at that point that I remembered that Okcupid has a “block” feature which didn’t work with the last dickhead who repeatedly threatened me, like actual “you should go kill yourself” “i hope you get raped” sort of messages that, ironically, the Okcupid admin wouldn’t do anything about and the block feature wasn’t keeping that guy from messaging me. So, I blocked his ass.

He continued to view my profile. But he was, essentially, gagged and bound.

*waves*

If you were intelligent enough to find this, Brad, (I highly fucking doubt it) then hi!!!!!!

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