Ringo will be performing his LP "Beaucoups of Blues" live with the Jordinaires at this year's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame ceremony. Ringo cites this particular album as the second most influential LP of the Seventies, coming 2nd to his own "Rotogravure" album which was originally sold with a plastic spy-glass.

Paul McCartney is to make a live appearance at the Oxford Street branch of HMV records, London. Paul and his wife Heather will be dressed as frogs, and will conduct a press conference in the 2nd floor 'World Music" section of the store prompting comparisons with John Lennon's "Bagism" press conference of 1969.

"John Lennon Airport" in Liverpool is to be renamed Paul McCartney Airport after protests from the former Beatle. A press-release from McCartney states that he [Paul] has visited the area far more than the Beatles' former harmonica player.

In unrelated news, an item of lost luggage belonging to Cilla Black and thought to include a rare unrecorded track written by Lennon/McCartney, remains uncliamed to this day along with an umbrella and a packet of indegestion tablets.

Michael Schumacher, the worlds leading formula one racing driver, is changing his name to simply "Macca" as a direct tribute to Geoge Harrison's love of motorsport.

In an unrelated previous incident, George taught former racing champion Damon Hill how to play lead guitar, and he of course eventually found fame as the replacment for Mark Knopfler in Dire Straits when he died in a motobike accident at the ripe-old age.

Yesterday in South America, the Ark of the Covenant was finally found. Within the contents, it is thought that the original transcriptions of the bible were discovered. Oddly, the name 'Macca' had taken the place of Jesus throughout the written pages. Also, a stone tablet had the phrase 'Paul Is Dead' engraved upon it. Scientists are not sure how to decipher this, but some animal skins also were found that contained some faded photos of a male figure rising from a square shaped object with a female watching over him. Some ancient words were scribbled beside the female figure that later were interpreted as saying 'Mother Mary'. One other animal skin also contained a picture that is believed to be the beast. It was a figure with slanted eyes, dark hair, holding small articles that said 'Yes', and seemingly appeared to be screaming. More information on this find to be reported later.

it was reported today in london that paul mccartney use to be a woman.born joan paulette mccartney,paul recalled his brother michael saying he would have enjoyed a brother more.the big hearted and ever pleasing paul went under the knife the next day.things not touched were its face,genetilia and butt.paul joked that john knew and made references in songs for years.he indicates that shes a woman was about him and that eleanor rigby was like a biography.he also said that the death clues were invented because a few fans were close to discovering the truth.ringo starr when told replied "NO SHI T?"

After suffering a fall in his home, Ringo Starr was forced to undergo brain surgery. However upon opening the skull doctors discovered styrofoam packing peanuts and a note signed by Paul reading "I got here first, b****es."

It has just been confirmed by Brother Records' press office that to save any confusion in future, Oasis have changed their name to "The Beatles".

Speaking for his brother, Liam (who has difficulty), from his London home, Noel Gallagher confirmed the statement, and went on to say; "as well as changing our name, we also claim the entire song catalogue of The Beatles, excluding Honey Pie of course."

When a reporter asked whether the brothers would be trimming their eyebrows any day soon, Liam retorted with a grunt - he then climbed onto the table, peeled a banana, scratched his private parts and burst into the chorus of "you gotta roll with it".

A spokesman from Apple Corps, the Beatles' own company and head office since those heady flower-power days of the Sixties, said "My position is tragic, come and show me the magic, of your Hollywood song".