Friday, October 14, 2016

Last week, we mentioned the song to be remembered. We
have 43 Pasukim with the song and then our Parsha closes out. The first 14
Pasukim give praise unto HASHEM who defends Am Yisrael

32:1
Give ear, ye heavens, and I will speak; and let the earth hear the words of my
mouth.

See how great the L-RD G-D is and heaven and earth shall bear
witness.

2 My
doctrine shall drop as the rain, my speech shall distil as the dew; as the
small rain upon the tender grass, and as the showers upon the herb.

My lesson will drip like rain: This is the testimony that you shall testify, that in your
presence, I declare, "The Torah (לִקְחִי),
which I gave to Israel, which provides life to the world, is just like this
rain, which provides life to the world, [i.e.,] when the heavens drip down dew
and rain." — [Sifrei 32:2] ... Will flow like dew: with which everyone
rejoices, [unlike] the rain [which occasionally] causes anguish to people, such
as travelers, or one whose pit [into which he presses his grapes] is full of
wine [which is spoiled by the rain]. — [Sifrei 32:2]

HIS greatness is only enhanced by the management of every blade of
grass and herb that testify unto HIM.

3
For I will proclaim the name of the LORD; ascribe ye greatness unto our God. 4
The Rock, His work is perfect; for all His ways are justice; a God of
faithfulness and without iniquity, just and right is He.

The deeds of the [Mighty] Rock
are perfect: Even
though God is strong [like a rock], when He brings retribution upon those who
transgress His will, He does not bring it in a flood [of anger], but [rather]
with justice because “His deeds are perfect.” A faithful God: [Faithful] to
reward the righteous their due in the world-to-come. And even though He defers
their reward, in the end He will fulfill (לְאַמֵּן)
His words. Without
injustice: Even to the wicked; God
rewards them in this world for [any] meritorious deeds [they might have
performed]. — [Sifrei 32:4] He is
righteous and upright: All
acknowledge God’s judgment meted out to them to be just (צַדִּיק),
and therefore fitting and upright (יָשָׁר)
for them. [That is, God is declared] just (צַדִּיק)
by people, and He is upright (יָשָׁר), and it is fitting
to declare God as righteous.

5 Is
corruption His? No; His children's is the blemish; a generation crooked and
perverse.

... It is His children’s defect: The destruction was His
children’s blemish, not His blemish. Crooked
generation: Heb. דּוֹר עִקֵּשׁ
וּפְתַלְתֹּל, a crooked and perverted [generation]. [The word עִקֵּשׁ is] similar [in meaning] to [the verse], “and pervert (יְעַקְשׁוּ) all honesty” (Micah 3:9). We find
[a similar expression] in the language of the Mishnah: "a weasel… because
its teeth are bent (עִקוּמוּת) and crooked (עִקוּשׁוּת") . - [Chul. 56a]

Rashi goes on to explain that it is a "twisted"
generation which twists the truth and the path of the righteous.

6 Do
ye thus requite the LORD, O foolish people and unwise? is not He thy father
that hath gotten thee? hath He not made thee, and established thee?

... It is His children’s defect: The destruction was His
children’s blemish, not His blemish. Crooked generation: Heb. דּוֹר עִקֵּשׁ וּפְתַלְתֹּל, a crooked and perverted [generation].
[The word עִקֵּשׁ is] similar [in
meaning] to [the verse], “and pervert (יְעַקְשׁוּ)
all honesty” (Micah 3:9). We find
[a similar expression] in the language of the Mishnah: "a weasel… because
its teeth are bent (עִקוּמוּת) and crooked (עִקוּשׁוּת") . - [Chul. 56a]

Rashi goes on to explain that it is a "twisted"
generation which twists theR truth and the path of the righteous.

7 Remember
the days of old, consider the years of many generations; ask thy father, and he
will declare unto thee, thine elders, and they will tell thee.

Remember the Covenant with the Torah and Mitzvos and follow it. If
you don’t remember ask the elders. Sometimes, they are not physical elders but
people wise in Torah like an elder.

8
When the Most High gave to the nations their inheritance, when He separated the
children of men, He set the borders of the peoples according to the number of
the children of Israel. 9 For the portion of the LORD is His people, Jacob the
lot of His inheritance.

Your presence in the land is from HIM based on HIS promise to your
forefathers. So if not on your merit on the merit of your forefathers.

10
He found him in a desert land, and in the waste, a howling wilderness; He
compassed him about, He cared for him, He kept him as the apple of His eye.

As the pupil of his eye: This refers to the black part of the eye, from which the light
is reflected outward. Now, Onkelos renders יִמְצָאֵהוּ
as: “He provided their needs,” that is, God provided Israel with all their
needs in the desert. [The use of the word מָצָא
is] similar to [its use in the verses],“[Will flock and cattle be slaughtered
for them] to provide (וּמָצָא) them?” (Num. 11:22), and “The mountain is not
enough (יִמָּצֵא) for us” (Josh. 17:16).

HE who guards Yisrael neither slumbers or sleeps. Tehillim 121.

11
As an eagle that stirs up her nest, hovers over her young, spreads abroad her
wings, taketh them, bears them on her pinions.

As no bird will dare attack the eagle with her young on her back,
so to when HASHEM takes Am Yisrael upon HIS Wings, no nation will dare attack
us and they will flee before us. However …

--
12 The LORD alone did lead him, and there was no strange god with Him. 13 He
made him ride on the high places of the earth, and he did eat the fruitage of
the field; and He made him to suck honey out of the crag, and oil out of the
flinty rock; 14 Curd of kine, and milk of sheep, with fat of lambs, and rams of
the breed of Bashan, and he-goats, with the kidney-fat of wheat; and of the
blood of the grape thou drank foaming wine.

This is fine for those generations that observe the Mitzvos but if
not and they become complacent then:

15
But Yeshurun waxed fat, and kicked--thou didst wax fat, thou didst grow thick,
thou didst become gross--and he forsook God who made him, and contemned the
Rock of his salvation. 16 They roused Him to jealousy with strange gods, with
abominations did they provoke Him. 17 They sacrificed unto demons, no-gods,
gods that they knew not, new gods that came up of late, which your fathers
dreaded not.

When the nation goes whoring after other gods or desecrates the
Shabbos goes around immodest and does lewd things; then it is going to be in
big trouble.

18
Of the Rock that begot you, you were unmindful, and did forget God that bore
thee. 19 And the LORD saw, and spurned, because of the provoking of His sons
and His daughters. 20 And He said: 'I will hide My face from them, I will see
what their end shall be; for they are a very froward generation, children in
whom is no faithfulness.

They are not [recognizable]… whom I have reared: Heb. אֵמֻן. My rearing [them] is not recognizable in
them, for I taught them a good way, but they deviated from it.

They will not see outstanding miracles that protect them. I will
hide MY Face from them but to a few righteous I will be there but hidden in most
cases.

21
They have roused Me to jealousy with a no-god; they have provoked Me with their
vanities; and I will rouse them to jealousy with a no-people; I will provoke
them with a vile nation. 22 For a fire is kindled in My nostril, and burns unto
the depths of the nether-world, and devours the earth with her produce, and sets
ablaze the foundations of the mountains. 23 I will heap evils upon them; I will
spend Mine arrows upon them; 24 The wasting of hunger, and the devouring of the
fiery bolt, and bitter destruction; and the teeth of beasts will I send upon
them, with the venom of crawling things of the dust. … 35 Vengeance is Mine,
and recompense, against the time when their foot shall slip; for the day of
their calamity is at hand, and the things that are to come upon them shall make
haste.

They have forsaken me and I will abandon them during this time.

… 37
And it is said: Where are their gods, the rock in whom they trusted; 38 Who did
eat the fat of their sacrifices, and drank the wine of their drink-offering?
let him rise up and help you, let him be your protection.

Where are your gods that you worshipped now? They cannot save you.

39
See now that I, even I, am He, and there is no god with Me; I kill, and I make
alive; I have wounded, and I heal; and there is none that can deliver out of My
hand.

Maybe after all you will be poor, hungry and barely alive and then
return unto HASHEM.

44
And Moses came and spoke all the words of this song in the ears of the people,
he, and Hoshea the son of Nun. 45 And when Moses made an end of
speaking all these words to all Israel, 46 he said unto them:
'Set your heart unto all the words wherewith I testify against you this day;
that ye may charge your children therewith to observe to do all the words of
this law. 47 For it is no vain thing for you; because it is your
life, and through this thing ye shall prolong your days upon the land, whither
ye go over the Jordan to possess it.'

At this point Moshe finishes speaking to the Nation with his
song-warning. His desire is that they will memorize and sing it over and over
again and not sin ever. He has yet to make his blessings to the tribes and then
he will be gone forever!

48 And the LORD spoke unto Moses that selfsame day, saying: 49 'Get thee up into this mountain of Abarim, unto mount Nebo,
which is in the land of Moab, that is over against Jericho; and behold the land
of Canaan, which I give unto the children of Israel for a possession;

According to Rabbi Cohen in the Soncino Edition, Har Nebo is a
range of a few mountains and not a specific mountain like Gilboa, Tavor, but a
range like the Hermon Range but there is a specific Har Hermon aka the white
mountain.

50
and die in the mount whither thou go up, and be gathered unto thy people; as
Aaron thy brother died in mount Hor, and was gathered unto his people.

Before Moshe can even get the chance to pray or ask why must I
die, he is told:

51
Because ye trespassed against Me in the midst of the children of Israel at the
waters of Meribath-kadesh, in the wilderness of Zin; because ye sanctified Me
not in the midst of the children of Israel. 52 For thou shalt
see the land afar off; but thou shalt not go thither into the land which I give
the children of Israel.'

Even though you will
not enter the land, you have merited to see the land. I wrote about being on
the mountains of Ithamar and other areas of the Shomron where I could see unto
the River Yarden and the mountains behind and the Dead Sea. The viewing conditions
were not ideal so I could not see the Hermon or the Mediterrean Sea which on
some days one can view.

Parsha
Zos HaBracha

Moshe has passed the torch on to Yehoshua Bin Nun and
in the last few minutes before he leaves to climb the mountain for the last
time, he blesses the tribes similar to Yacov at the end of Beresheis.

33:1
And this is the blessing wherewith Moses the man of God blessed the children of
Israel before his death. 2 And he said: The LORD came from Sinai, and rose from
Seir unto them; He shined forth from mount Paran, and He came from the myriads
holy, at His right hand was a fiery law unto them.

A heavenly, spiritual fire that ignites the souls of the Bnei
Yisrael into holiness.

3
Yea, He loves the peoples, all His holy ones--they are in Thy hand; and they
sit down at Thy feet, receiving of Thy words.

With the right passionate Rabbi, the people are willing to receive
the law. Rabbi Ovadia Yosef TzZal managed to rekindle Torah and Mitzvos among
many lost Sephardim and Rabbi Amnon Yitzchak Shlita among may more. I can only hope
and pray that some of my words inspire some of my readers into greater
spiritual heights and observance.

4
Moses commanded us a law, an inheritance of the congregation of Jacob. 5 And
there was a king in Yeshurun, when the heads of the people were gathered, all
the tribes of Israel together.

HASHEM is and was our father our king and no greater time when the
Nation is gathered together into being a Torah Nation.

6
Let Reuben live, and not die in that his men become few. 7 And this for Judah,
and he said: Hear, LORD, the voice of Judah, and bring him in unto his people;
his hands shall contend for him, and Thou shalt be a help against his
adversaries.

May this [also be] for Judah: He juxtaposed Judah to Reuben, because they both confessed to
the wrong they had done, as it is said, “that wise men have told… to them
alone… and no stranger passed between them” (Job 15:18-19). [This verse alludes to the confession of Reuben and Judah
(“that wise men have told”), and how they were consequently blessed here
together (“them alone”); although Levi was next in line chronologically to
Reuben, nevertheless here, in the context of this blessing, Levi did not come
between them (“no stranger came between them”), but rather, he was blessed
immediately afterwards (verses 8-11).]- [see Rashi, Job 15:19] Our Rabbis further explained that during the entire forty
years that Israel was in the desert, Judah’s bones were rolling in his coffin,
because of the excommunication which he had accepted upon himself [when he took
responsibility for Benjamin], as it is said, “If I will not bring him to you…
then I have sinned against you all of the days” (Gen. 43:9). [So], Moses said, “Who caused Reuben to [publicly] confess his
sin? It was Judah…” (see Sotah 7b) [and thus, by placing Judah together with
Reuben, Moses alluded to this merit of Judah, and, in effect, “May the Lord listen
to Judah’s voice,” is a prayer that Judah’s bones would finally come to rest].

I have studied the Pasukim for approximately 50 years now. A lot
in English but have missed out on this story as I don’t always go line by line
with Rashi as I did before I had children and worked overtime. Then this year
in my review I looked only about including the tribes and could not find
Shimon. So I gave Menashe homework to check for Shimon as I was busy with other
things. I sort of figured it out without the Rashi by myself. A simple Rashi
that I have over-looked which I must have read but did not pay attention to at
all. Here is where a second pair of eyes and a brain is good at times. For
Shimon does not receive a special Bracha but is included with Yehuda. Yehuda is
buried in a place called Yahud in Israel not far from the north edge of Ben
Gurion Airport.

O Lord, hearken to Judah’s voice:
Here, included within Judah’s
blessing, Moses alluded to [and incorporated] a blessing for Simeon [the
allusion being in the word שְׁמַע, the very root of שִׁמְעוֹן]. Also [in accordance with this
incorporation of Simeon within Judah], when they divided Eretz Israel [among
the tribes], Simeon received [his portion] out of the lot of Judah, as
Scripture states, “Out of the lot of the children of Judah was the inheritance
of the children of Simeon” (Josh. 19:9). - [Sifrei 33:7] Now why did Moses not devote a separate
blessing for him? Because he held against him what he had done in Shittim
[referring to the sin of Zimri the son of Salu, a leader of the tribe of Simeon
(see Num. 25:1-14)]. So it is written in the Aggadah of Psalms. — [Shocher Tov
90]

Shimon was scattered with Yehuda. After what happened with Zimri
and there was no tribal intermarriage for a while, they really declined.
Eventually inter-tribal marriage was permitted.

8
And of Levi he said: Thy Thummim and Thy Urim be with Thy holy one, whom Thou
didst prove at Massah, with whom Thou didst strive at the waters of Meribah;

The first three(four) blessings go to children of Leah. Reuven was
Yacov’s first child but he did not produce but a few spiritual leaders and
should also have been greater in physical numbers.

…12
Of Benjamin he said: The beloved of the LORD shall dwell in safety by Him; He
covers him all the day, and He dwells between his shoulders. 13 And of Joseph
he said: Blessed of the LORD be his land; for the precious things of heaven,
for the dew, and for the deep that couches beneath,

Now Rachel’s children are blessed. Yosef is not split into two
sub-tribes as Levi appears in the blessing. This is the rule if Levi appears
then Yosef is not broken up if Menashe and Ephraim appear, then Levi is not
included in the number 12 of the tribes.

… 18
And of Zebulun he said: Rejoice, Zebulun, in thy going out, and, Issachar, in
thy tents. … 20 And of Gad he said: Blessed be He that enlarges Gad; he dwells
as a lioness, and tears the arm, yea, the crown of the head. … 22 And of Dan he
said: Dan is a lion's whelp, that leaps forth from Bashan. 23 And of Naphtali
he said: O Naphtali, satisfied with favor, and full with the blessing of the
LORD: possess thou the sea and the south. 24 And of Asher he said: Blessed be
Asher above sons; let him be the favored of his brethren, and let him dip his
foot in oil. 25 Iron and brass shall be thy bars; and as thy days, so shall thy
strength be.

26
There is none like unto God, O Yeshurun, who rides upon the heaven as thy help,
and in His excellency on the skies. 27 The eternal God is a dwelling-place, and
underneath are the everlasting arms; and He thrust out the enemy from before
thee, and said: 'Destroy.' 28 And Israel dwells in safety, the fountain of
Jacob alone, in a land of corn and wine; yea, his heavens drop down dew. 29
Happy art thou, O Israel, who is like unto thee? a people saved by the LORD,
the shield of thy help, and that is the sword of thy excellency! And thine
enemies shall dwindle away before thee; and thou shalt tread upon their high
places.

Once the blessings are concluded, Moshe walks up the mountain to
see the land and he will come down to a valley and then be buried in a crevice
and this appears to be G-D burying him after he lay down and got a kiss in an
earthquake fault. Since this is the Syrian – African rift it seems a logic
conclusion but the miracle is being there in that time and place just precisely
on his 120th birthday.

34:1
And Moses went up from the plains of Moab unto mount Nebo, to the top of
Pisgah, that is over against Jericho. And the LORD showed him all the land,
even Gilead as far as Dan;

It was not surprising that he saw Yericho and the day was clear so
that he could see the spring of Dan (Banias) and the Hermon.

2
and all Naphtali, and the land of Ephraim and Manasseh, and all the land of
Judah as far as the hinder sea;

As I was able to see Netanya and the Sea from Har Gerizim so he
saw it from Har Nebo.

3
and the South, and the Plain, even the valley of Jericho the city of
palm-trees, as far as Zoar.

This is at the end of the tongue of the Dead Sea a few kilometers
south of the last modern hotel by the Dead Sea.

4
And the LORD said unto him: 'This is the land which I swore unto Abraham, unto
Isaac, and unto Jacob, saying: I will give it unto thy seed; I have caused thee
to see it with thine eyes, but thou shalt not go over thither.'

You have now seen close to all of the promised land. At that time,
it was rich in forests, vineyards, fields and Adar being the height of the
rainy season was green and lush.

5 So
Moses the servant of the LORD died there in the land of Moab, according to the
word of the LORD.

Our Sages say it was a direct kiss from G-D as the angel of death
had no power over either him or Aaron.

6
And he was buried in the valley in the land of Moab over against Beth-peor; and
no man knows of his sepulcher unto this day.

And He buried him: i.e., The Holy One, blessed is He, Himself, in His very glory
[buried Moses]. — [Sotah 14a] Rabbi Ishmael, however, says that [the words“And
he buried him” mean that] Moses buried himself. And this אֶת
in the phrase here וַיִּקְבֹּר אוֹתוֹ
is one of the three instances of the אֶת
in Scripture which Rabbi Ishmael expounded on in this way [i.e., where the
suffix attached אֶת is understood to be
reflexive, meaning “to himself” , “to themselves” , and so on]. And similar to
this case [are the following two instances]:“On the day when his Nazirite vow
is completed, he must bring him (אֹתוֹ)
” (Num. 6:13), which means, “he
shall bring himself” [i.e., present himself]. And likewise,“And they cause them
(אוֹתָם) to bear the sin of their guilt” (Lev. 22:16). Surely does this refer
to others causing them to bear that sin? Rather, the verse must mean that they
cause themselves to bear the sin. — [Sifrei Nasso 32:124] Opposite Beth Pe’or: His
burial site was ready there [at Beth Pe’or], since the six days of Creation, to
atone for the [sinful] act of Pe’or. — [see Num. 25:1-8; Sotah 14a] This [Moses’s
burial site] was one of the things created at twilight, on the eve of [the
first] Sabbath. — [Avoth 5:6]

The Medrash implies that he died in a cave and then a rockslide
covered the entrance. There is also the possibility it was a crevice.

7
And Moses was a hundred and twenty years old when he died: his eye was not dim,
nor his natural force abated.

His eye had not dimmed: Even after he died. — [see Sifrei 33:36]
Nor had he lost his [natural] freshness: [The word לֵחֹה
refers to his [body’s] moisture. [Thus, the phrase means:] “[Even after his
death,] decomposition did not take over his body, nor did the appearance of his
face change.”

He was as sharp and alert at 80 as he was at 40 and at 120
remained vibrant and alert so that he was strong enough to climb that mountain
which has a height of 817 meters or close to 3000 feet according to the
Wikipedia. However, what we call Har Nebo ridge today might not be at all for
it could be bigger and higher. 817 meters is about the heights of the mountains
I was on and what I was able to see even on a bit foggy day.

8
And the children of Israel wept for Moses in the plains of Moab thirty days; so
the days of weeping in the mourning for Moses were ended. 9 And Joshua the son
of Nun was full of the spirit of wisdom; for Moses had laid his hands upon him;
and the children of Israel hearkened unto him, and did as the LORD commanded
Moses. 10 And there hath not arisen a prophet since in Israel like unto Moses,
whom the LORD knew face to face;

Whom the
Lord knew face to face: For he
was quite familiar with Him, speaking with Him at any time he wished, as it is
said, “So now I will go up to the Lord” (Exod. 32:30), and, “You stand still,
and I will listen to what the Lord will command concerning you” (Num. 9:8).

11
in all the signs and the wonders, which the LORD sent him to do in the land of
Egypt, to Pharaoh, and to all his servants, and to all his land; 12 and in all
the mighty hand, and in all the great terror, which Moses wrought in the sight
of all Israel.

Chazak – Chazak v’ nit Chazak

Derek Eretz is
before Torah

Last Thursday, I
went from my house to Kiriat Sefer. It is a 5 or 6-minute drive to the hardware
store so purchase and come back. On my way, I saw a remains of a three car
accident on the other side of the road. The traffic circle to the Benyamin area
was open but inside Kiriat Sefer was another story.

It was like a Peter
Seller’s movie that I saw where the traffic is grid locked at the traffic
circle. Nobody gives the other the right of way and the way is blocked. I got
to the hardware store with no problem and then decided to go to Beis Medrash to
learn. I parked my car and went off to learn. When I got out, my car was boxed
in by somebody who parked 90 degrees to the normal parking space. I managed to
get to the street as cars had parked in a red and white causing a grid lock.
Rabbi Mimran Shlita helped me escape. I left Rabbi Mimran with one thought.
They parked their cars illegal so that they could pray for forgiveness before
Yom Kippur but in doing so sin against their fellow men. Now who can express a
forgiveness request to the dozens of people caught in gridlock or rushed over
before Yom Kippur.

They say
travel broadens the mind. Perhaps it does, but that wasn’t the reason why I
left England, my country, my home, my family, my entire life behind me and set
out to travel the world. By most standards you would probably say my mind was
already pretty broad.

At 15 I
had already left home. I had been a regular child, in a regular, secular,
Protestant home. Middle-class management, two-point-two kids, two cars, two
weeks annual vacation. My path was laid out before me – college, career,
marriage, children, retirement, death.

And then,
as a teenager, I started asking uncomfortable questions: Why am I here? What’s
the point? My parents were bewildered by my questions. They had no answers and
I concluded that there were no answers, there was no point, and I wanted out.

I fled
from my home, a confused, angry 15-year-old, to search for those answers, to
find the truth, if there was such a thing. Living in a dirty apartment in a
seedy seaside town, hanging out in the twilight world of amusement arcades with
a gang of anarchical punks was my first experience to broaden my mind. Like me,
they had no answers, but unlike me, they didn’t care. They wanted only to drink
or drug themselves into oblivion, and so I threw away my questions and joined
them.

Tired of
drunken oblivion, I thought perhaps I could find the answers I sought in
learning. Four years at university studying philosophy certainly broadened my
mind. But I found only questions, no answers, so I moved on.

I tried
to fit into the dreaded rat race – career, apartment, fiancé – and threw it
away in disgust. I was tired of careers and conventions and the crime-ridden
West Indian neighborhood into which I moved attracted me. I drifted into the
underworld life of drug-dealing, little caring what would happen to me. But at
some point I stopped short. There was still a speck of hope within me that
there were answers to my questions. But I knew that I would not find it in
England. The time had come to seek farther afield. And I was desperate. If I
didn’t find the answer, then there was no reason for me being here. And in that
case, I might as well be dead.

I became
a wild woman, wandering the world hunting for that elusive truth. I took a
one-way ticket to Muslim Morocco. I experienced the exotic scents, sights, and
tastes of this most sensual country, and fell in love with its beauty. But I
could not accept the life dictated by Islam for the Moroccan women, slaves in
their own homes spending their lives serving the men. I was desolate. I had
certainly broadened my mind, but I was still empty inside.

Turkey
was my next destination. A job as an au pair to one of Turkey’s wealthiest
families, vacationing in one of their luxurious beachside hotels, sounded like
an experience to broaden my mind. It certainly was. The family turned out to be
heads of the Turkish mafia. I rebelled against their tyranny. But Mafia
families do not tolerate insults to their honor and I was in danger of my life.
Warned by an insider, I fled before they could carry out their “punishment.”

A period
of tranquil serenity in a rural Turkish village followed. Surrounded by the
turquoise waters of the Mediterranean, I wanted to laze my life away in this
timeless wonderland. But it was a dream, a fantasy that couldn’t last – and I
still had no answers.

I spent
months traveling Spain with a group of street-performers, the days busking in
the streets during the Spanish city “fiestas,” and the nights getting high. It
was fun experiencing the stunning Alhambra Palace in Granada and the ancient
grandeur of Toledo. But the excitement soon waned. Getting high in Spain was
little different than getting high anywhere else, and I still had not found
what I was looking for.

I
returned to England, empty, desperate. I had travelled halfway across the world
to find answers, but it seemed there were none. There was no other logical
conclusion: there was no reason to live, and so I decided to die. At first, I
did it indirectly. Back in the crime-ridden West Indian neighborhood where I
had earlier tasted the forbidden pleasures of illegal substances, I began my
downward slide. I wasn’t yet ready to kill myself, but if I happened to take an
overdose of drugs by mistake, well, so much the better.

I went
down, down, down, the mix of illicit substances depressing me even more, until
finally, I did take that overdose – deliberately. I was found and taken to the
city psychiatric hospital. There I stayed, by court order, for six months. I
was under restraint and guarded around the clock from my frenzied attempts to
escape this life. This too was travel of a kind – travel into the deepest abyss
of mental and emotional hell, a place where you never want to go, even in your
worst dreams.

Somehow,
I survived. I was released into the world, strangely renewed. I hadn’t
succeeded in dying, so I decided to give life a chance. Still seeking that
ultimate truth, I decided to travel some more, but in a different dimension –
the spiritual dimension. Like Jethro, I tried every type of idol worship under
the sun – Hinduism, Buddhism, Hare Krishna, and more. But my soul found no
comfort.

What was
left for me in this world? For some reason I had never once thought of Israel
or Judaism in all my travels, whether physical or spiritual. It suddenly came
into my head to travel to Israel as a kibbutz volunteer. And that was where,
after years of tortured travels, I found my home – both physically and
spiritually. For the first time in my life, I felt that I belonged – to this
land and to its people.

I
couldn’t explain why. At this point, it was nothing to do with religion – I had
barely even met a religious Jew since I came to Israel, and the kibbutz where I
was working was rabidly secular and fiercely anti-religion. It was something
deep within me, a feeling that I had never had even in England, a feeling that
these were my people and this was my land and I was an intrinsic part of them.
I felt that I had to be Jewish, and I was ready to do whatever
it took, ready to perform all the mitzvot - even if I didn’t
yet understand them. I felt that this is where I belonged and somehow yearned
to return to my people.

I tried,
unsuccessfully, to explain my feelings to a doubting rabbi at the local beis
din, aJewish court that oversees conversion. Suspicious
of my motives, he nevertheless agreed to open up a conversion file for me. And
so I began to study the Torah, to the utter bewilderment of my virulently
secular kibbutzniks who proudly served chametz during
Passover, sold cheeseburgers on Shabbat and could not fathom why anyone would
actually choose to become Jewish. In the midst of the
atheistic desert of the kibbutz there was a religious settlement, where I began
my journey into Judaism – the greatest broadening of the mind ever.

I was
totally blown away that there was such deep wisdom in this world. I discovered
a pure fire, holy knowledge, uncorrupted, and finally found within the Torah
many of the answers I had been seeking for most of my life.

I didn’t yet
understand the reasons for the mitzvot but I began to observe
them with great care. I ignored the mocking laughter of the kibbutzniks as they
lit up their cigarettes on Shabbat while I, the non-Jew, refrained out of
respect for the holy day. At Passover I ate matzah while they feasted on bread,
and I fasted on Yom Kippur while they ignored the fast day and munched
sunflower seeds in front of the television. It was hard but I didn’t care. I
was filled with fire and enthusiasm. I realized that my finite mind would not
be able to grasp the infinite depth of the Torah commandments, but I knew they
held vital importance and believed greater understanding would come through
observing them. After so many years of hunting, I felt I was finally on the
right path.

Intellectually,
the truth of the Torah was blindingly clear to me. But that same intellect,
tarnished by so many years of atheism and anarchism, was reluctant to give up
its independent will and struggled to accept the existence and the mastery of
the Creator of the Universe. I had to wrestle with making room for God in my
heart.

But I was
trapped. The beis din would not convert me if I remained in
such a secular environment. And yet until I was Jewish, I could not live
anywhere else in Israel without the work visa that the kibbutz had issued me.
And so, to my horror, I had to return to England. There, lonely and alone in
the country of my birth, longing and yearning for Israel, I had no choice.
Desperately, I turned to God, this Infinite Being that until then felt so
distant and abstract, and threw myself on His mercy. And incredibly,
miraculously, I discovered that He had been there all along. My years of
built-up anger against this seemingly cruel, meaningless world had blinded me.
Once I realized that I did believe, it came as a wonderful release, as though I
had been holding back something vital from myself and now it was all suddenly
let out. I realized that deep inside, my soul had instinctively known that the
truth was to be found in Israel with the Jewish people.

Visa or
no visa, I made up my mind I was going back to Israel. I would trust in God to
make things work out. Within the week I was on the plane. I arrived in Israel
right before the holiday of Shavuot, the festival of the giving of the Torah –
and the timing could not have been more appropriate. I was referred to the
Chief Rabbi of the Tzfat where I completed my conversion in a whirl of
inspiration and exploration of the holy texts – this was truly mind-broadening.
And one Monday morning, in a state of euphoria, my soul was purified in the
waters of the mikveh and I emerged newborn as a Jew.

Finally,
I joined the Jewish people, to whom spiritually I already felt I belonged. I no
longer needed to travel – I had reached my destination.

Some indignant RINO
like McCain who dumped his wife after she was injured never used language like
that in the US Navy. That is BS and I am not talking boy scouts. I don't know
anybody who grew up in Queens NY who did not use language like that. I am sure
that Jason Chafetz with the boys in the bar too. It was just that he was caught
11 years ago on an open mic. What Hippocrates. I am sure all 10 Senators are
listed on the patron saints list. - RP

Terrorist killed after shooting
spree in Yerushalayim. Abu Sabih was supposed to be going back to jail today. Leftist
courts freed him: Last year, Abu Sabih was indicted on eight counts of incitement
to violence and terrorism, and eight counts of supporting a terror
organization. News Blackout as one or two masked terrorists caught at the
Modiin Junction 3 KM from my house and about 1KM or less from Menashe’s School
which went into lockdown. After the incident and their capture, I saw 4 police
cars at the junction and a commercial vehicle it caused a big delay on the 443
road. All this must have happened about 2 PM for I passed the junction at 2 and
there was nothing and then at about 2:15 or 2:30 my wife got the lockdown msg. http://www.israelnationalnews.com/News/News.aspx/218793Terror
victims ID - policeman and a 60 year old granny who had just retired.http://www.israelnationalnews.com/News/News.aspx/218789How
did a weapon worth $10,000 reach the terrorist? Who brought it and who supplied
the money?http://debka.com/article/25715/Palestinian-shoots-2-Israelis-dead-Probe-ordered

This is only a partial happy ending:
Many of you are aware that last year there was a
tragic terror attack where a family was on their way to their future son-in –laws
Shabbat Chatan and the father and son were murdered. The daughter, Sara Techiya
Littman invited the whole of "Am Yisrael" to her wedding. Her husband
is the son of our Rav in Metar, Harav Moshe Beigel. Today, Yom Kippur, Sarah
Techiya gave birth to a baby girl.May we all be zocheh to a year of health, peace
and many smachot to share!Chani Tabak

Ed-Op the dilemma of the Jews. I call it how can the Jews and the Blacks be used and abuse
each election cycle by Dems. What is the difference between Donald J. Trump and
a Reform Jew? At least some of his grandchildren will be Jewish. http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-4865978,00.html