stories

Hoppy Toad

Hoppy Toad go down the road slow. I see him. Over by side he stop to make water, bless his member. Then go fast, one leg the other, tilty bang. Old hurt bad on him.

Hoppy Toad drive wagon before. He did. I see him. Up on seat he hold reins. He say giddyap. Hoppy Toad say loud giddyap. Horse go giddyap fast. Do that long time. One day Hoppy Toad fall off. Get all broke up. He not Hoppy Toad before. Something else. Don’t remember. Then he Hoppy Toad, but he not go up on seat no more. Not say giddyap. Somebody else say giddyap. Hoppy Toad stay on ground.

Hell where Devil live and Hoppy Toad too. Ground be hell for Hoppy Toad. He walk and say damn and shit. I hear him. He say damn and shit most always. Even when not fall down. When Hoppy Toad make water, bless his member, he say shit. Then walk fast, tilty bang, say damn and shit very much. Devil like Hoppy Toad say damn and shit.

Who drive wagon, who make things go right places? Pox on it say Mr. Lijah when wagon late. When wagon late, things for store not there. Mr. Lijah stand at store and face hang down. Before Hoppy Toad be Hoppy Toad, things there for Mr. Lijah. Always. No pox on Hoppy Toad. Much pox on Hoppy Toad now.

No big fish go in Hoppy Toad shoes. No shoes for me. Use big old can to catch fish. Big fish not go in old can. Big fish bite on worm, bless their teeth. Little minnow fish go in can. If little fish, me, not go in can. Why go in can? Why go in old dirty shoe? Little silly fish.

Hoppy Toad go to store. Stand by store. Mr. LIjah with face hang down say pox on Hoppy Toad, pox on wagon. No things for Mr. Lijah. Put Hoppy Toad back on wagon, no pox. Lots of things again. Hoppy Toad hide face when wagon come. Horse come over by Hoppy Toad. Hoppy Toad make water in pants. Bless his member? Not like water, me, in pants.

Old lady help Hoppy Toad. Hoppy Toad say damn and shit. Old lady smile. Hoppy Toad make water on old lady shoes. Old lady say damn and shit.

Mrs. Lijah give Hoppy Toad big steak. He take and eat under bridge. Tilty bang all way. Try to eat bone. I see him. Dog come, Hoppy Toad give bone to dog. Hoppy Toad smile. Not have steak to give, me. Never have steak, no.

Crayfish good. Pull up rock, catch crayfish, easy. Hoppy Toad not catch crayfish. Put crayfish under bridge for Hoppy Toad. Hoppy Toad not eat them. Put back in water. Silly Hoppy Toad. Crayfish no good after under bridge. Float away, not go back under rock. Crayfish good to eat. Frogs very bad.

No one put crayfish for me. Mrs. Lijah hiss me with mouth. Put crayfish, me, for Mrs. Lijah. Not see me. Mr. Lijah say pox on me. Not drive wagon, me. Pet horse, old horse. Old horse eat sandwich. No peanut butter for horse. No pox on old horse. Who drive wagon? Man who drive wagon eat peanut butter, give it for me. Silly man. Pox on him.