American Idol: The Sanjaya / Ozzy Osbourne duet that never wasWednesday, May 30, 2007

There is no escaping the constant fear of Sanjaya. It's not that Sanjaya Malakar is a scary fellow, or an intimidating presence. In fact, if one were to bump into Sanjaya on the street or at a party, he would probably be scared of you, regardless of who you are. The real fear is this: that he will never, ever go away. He has already exceeded what any rational pundit would have guessed was his staying power. He is an anomaly, someone whose appeal is altogether indescribable and unknowable, kind of like Carrot Top or Stephen A. Smith.

Sanjaya will be going out on the American Idol tour soon, after which he will likely cut an album with the highest bidder. After that, it's anyone's guess. He could become a national pop icon. He could star in a renowned Nickelodeon comedy about a singing hairstylist. He could go on to become the US diplomat to Cote D'Ivoire. You never know. Everything about and surrounding Sanjaya has been a complete mystery. For example, there's this story that surfaced today:

According to the New York Post, Ozzy Osbourne had been booked to perform on the American Idol season finale last week, but pulled out when he learned that he'd be performing a duet with Sanjaya Malakar. Reportedly, Ozzy said he didn't want to be on stage with “that hairstyle-challenged idiot”. Instead, Idol ended up bringing in Aerosmith guitarist Joe Perry to perform an utterly reprehensible rendition of “You Really Got Me”.

A couple things about this story:

The New York Post isn't exactly a bastion of journalistic integrity, and they cite an unnamed source for the story, so take it all with a grain of salt. It certainly could be true, and it doesn't seem out of character for a man like Ozzy to lay a verbal smackdown on someone like Sanjaya.

Wouldn't that have been the absolute weirdest duet in the history of civilized man? If true, whose idea was this? What the hell were Ozzy and Sanjaya going to sing together? It's all quite astonishing, really.

So, that's your Sanjaya news for the week. Hopefully, this will be the last we hear from Sanjaya for awhile, but it probably won't be.