My wife Amy died yesterday, bringing an end to her nine-month fight with cancer.

There’s so much I want to say about her, and so much I’ll probably be writing in the future.

For now, know that she’s the strongest person I’ve ever known. She fought this thing so hard… Again and again, she surprised doctors and nurses with her strength and determination. That fight gave her the chance to see her son start high school, her daughter start her first real job. It gave us nine more months to be together and love each other.

She dealt with chronic pain for most of her life. Cancer and treatment made that worse. But at the end, she wasn’t hurting. She was comfortable. Her children were with her, along with me, her parents, and others who loved her.

She worked as a child and family therapist, and the tributes I’m already seeing from some of her clients and coworkers confirm what I already knew. This was her calling and her passion, second only to loving her children. She’s the most caring and empathic person I ever met. She helped and inspired so many people.

A few nights ago, we were able to transfer her to a wheelchair, and I took her for a walk outside the hospital. We got to enjoy the (sort of) fresh air, the flowers and trees around the hospital. She loved going for walks, and I’m so glad we had the chance to do one more.

Our family and a few close friends have been helping out, sharing love and support and grief, so we’re not alone. We’ve got a lot to do… it actually helps me a little to have things to do to keep myself busy for these first days.

I appreciate so much the love and understanding and support you’ve all shared through this. I hope you’ll understand if I’m a little hit-and-miss in responding to email and messages in the immediate future.

I’ve been telling my son the reason it hurts so much is because we love her so much, and as hard as that pain is, would we trade away the love and the time we had with her?

I was lucky enough to have almost sixteen years together with her as a family, and another fifteen as friends.

I’m sure I’ll share more in the days to come.

For now … I’m just so grateful for who she was and how much we shared and how much better our lives were because of her. And I miss her.

I’m so very sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family.

Gregory LynnAugust 30, 2019 @ 11:40 am

I am so very sorry for your loss.

I lost my wife to cancer a little over a year ago. It was unimaginably difficult and sent me into a deep depression for months. I didn’t know where the line was between regular grief and depression, which was a big part of the problem so I’m gonna say something and apologize in advance if it’s crossing a line.

If, in six months, you’re still in full emotional breakdown mode–that’s both sobbing and wailing and doing something, anything, that will turn off your brain for hours at a time–several times a week, it’s time to talk to a professional.

Look for the same in the kids and have someone who has some emotional distance look for it in the kids too.

Oh, Jim, my heart goes out to you and your family. Thank you for sharing glimpses of her and of your life together with all of us.

AnnaleeAugust 30, 2019 @ 11:49 am

Sending you and your family best wishes, Jim. I’m so sorry for your loss.

MelissaAugust 30, 2019 @ 11:49 am

I’m so very sorry.

KristinAugust 30, 2019 @ 11:53 am

All the love and comfort to you, your family, and your friends. Thank you so much for sharing what a wonderful person she was with us.

mattwAugust 30, 2019 @ 11:57 am

So very sorry for your loss.

HeatherAugust 30, 2019 @ 11:58 am

As ever, your words convey such feeling and beauty–thank you for sharing these thoughts. I’m so sorry for your pain and loss but grateful that you have in-person love and support. You and your family will be in my thoughts with hope that you continue to find love and support around you and find your memories of Amy consoling in the days ahead.

SarahAugust 30, 2019 @ 11:59 am

I’m so sorry, Jim. My condolences to you and your family.

Harry ConnollyAugust 30, 2019 @ 12:00 pm

Best wishes to you and to everyone who loved her.

Eric GuyAugust 30, 2019 @ 12:02 pm

Jim,

Cancer sucks. Amy was loved and her memory will be held by you and yours. Just know that those people are there for you and each other. Love them and the memory of Amy. Treasure the time that you had and remember it always.

I’ve lost both parents to it, nearly lost my own life to it. Each was an experience that no one should ever have to go through, but I treasure each moment I spent with them and will remember that forever.

Amy is at peace with the Universe and I truly believe that anyone who is in our memories never truly dies, they live on through us.

Love to you all.

JaeAugust 30, 2019 @ 12:03 pm

I am so sorry.

Dylan MoonfireAugust 30, 2019 @ 12:09 pm

My sympathies.

WillAugust 30, 2019 @ 12:10 pm

I’m sorry, Jim. It’s been evident what a wonderful woman Amy was through what you’ve written about her here. Wishing you and your family strength and peace in the coming days as you move through the grief.

CodyAugust 30, 2019 @ 12:15 pm

I’m so sorry for your loss.

Michael IAugust 30, 2019 @ 12:16 pm

My condolences.

LenéAugust 30, 2019 @ 12:19 pm

I’m so happy for you and for everyone else who had the joy of having her in your lives. The pain of her loss is tempered by the knowledge that every day going forward, some part of her strength, her intelligence, her kindness, her love will be carried through this world in the hearts and actions of all those who knew her and were shaped by her presence in their lives.

Jim, that is a lovely tribute. She sounds like an incredible person. I’m so sorry for your loss. My thoughts go out to you at this difficult time.

Pamela DeanAugust 30, 2019 @ 1:30 pm

Oh, Jim, I am so very sorry. She was so present in your posts about your family. The impression you gave of her was so vivid. Her actual presence would have been immeasurably more so and I am just so sorry.

ZdenkaAugust 30, 2019 @ 1:41 pm

I’m so sorry. Her memory for a blessing.

DivyaAugust 30, 2019 @ 2:03 pm

My condolences to you and your family for your loss. She sounds like an amazing person, and the world will be poorer without her.

AvilynAugust 30, 2019 @ 2:07 pm

Jim, I am so sorry for your loss; my condolences to you & your family. I’m glad you had the additional nine months with her, but I also know it was far too short. Sending love to you & family & friends.

In this devastating hour, my deepest condolences to you and your family on the loss of what was clearly a very special human being. There is literally nothing I can say to make anything better – but I am sending what light I can. I’m so, so sorry, Jim.

Kelly SattlerAugust 30, 2019 @ 2:27 pm

I am so very sorry for your loss. I can tell from your post you loved her greatly and that she was a wonderful woman. There are no words that can help. Hang on to the good memories.

Your books have been there for me during some of the most difficult times in my life, and I’m wishing desperately right now that I could return the favor. So sorry for your loss, and wishing you and your family love and peace.

Terry NeillAugust 30, 2019 @ 2:59 pm

I’m so sorry. Thoughts to you and your children and her family and all her friends.

Becca StareyesAugust 30, 2019 @ 3:30 pm

My deepest condolences. A friend of mine died of cancer last fall. She asked us to never say she lost her fight, because of how hard she and her care team worked to give her as much time as they could.

Jim ParsonsAugust 30, 2019 @ 4:51 pm

I did not personally know either of you, but I grieve for both of you. May your family find peace by holding a wife, best friend and mother in your hearts.

Hampus EckermanAugust 30, 2019 @ 4:57 pm

My deepest condolences. So sorry for your loss.

Randal E BradakisAugust 30, 2019 @ 5:00 pm

My condolences. I hope that you find the peace and comfort that she’d want for your family.

So very sorry for your loss. She sounds like an amazing woman. Peace to your entire family.

Gypsy ThorntonAugust 30, 2019 @ 7:11 pm

Oh Jim, I’m so very sorry for your loss, and for your son and daughter’s loss. From our whole family, our deepest sympathies and sending strength and support. We are lighting a candle to honor her.

Roy SachlebenAugust 30, 2019 @ 7:25 pm

May perpetual light shine upon her

Berni PhillipsAugust 30, 2019 @ 7:50 pm

I am so sorry.

SimonAugust 30, 2019 @ 7:58 pm

I am so sorry for your loss.

D. D. WebbAugust 30, 2019 @ 8:01 pm

I am so sorry.

B.T.August 30, 2019 @ 8:45 pm

You and your family have my deepest sympathies. I lost my Mom when I was in college. It’s rough, but as you probably already know, talking helps.

JoanAugust 30, 2019 @ 9:00 pm

So very sorry for the loss of your wife, Amy. I read grief is love with nowhere to go, & I agree that’s a reasonable explanation.
Grief is love with nowhere to go.
Thank you for sharing your story with us.

James KilbrideAugust 30, 2019 @ 9:14 pm

Jim, Thank you for sharing. The world is brighter for all you have shared and that your wife was. Thank you.

Andrew BartonAugust 30, 2019 @ 10:49 pm

Thanks you for giving us a sense of this wonderful person.

Jessica StriderAugust 30, 2019 @ 11:03 pm

My deepest condolences for your loss.

SarahAugust 30, 2019 @ 11:34 pm

So very sorry for your loss. You were lucky to have found each other. Hoping you find some eventual peace.

Beautiful tribute – it is so sad and I’m sorry you lost her. My sympathy.

Rebecca NewmanAugust 31, 2019 @ 5:05 am

My deepest condolences.

XanthipeAugust 31, 2019 @ 6:49 am

My condolences for you and your family’s loss.

Dana LynneAugust 31, 2019 @ 7:55 am

I’m so sorry. Thank you for writing about her.

Beth JohnsonAugust 31, 2019 @ 8:58 am

She sounds wonderful. The world is a sadder place without good people. I’m so sorry for your loss.

AmandaAugust 31, 2019 @ 10:39 am

I am so desperately sorry. I have been reading and hoping with every update. I lost my dad suddenly and unexpectedly to a completely random and nonsensical illness this spring, and I so deeply understand that hole in your life. I’m sorry.

My heart breaks for you and your family, Jim. I never had the honor of meeting Amy but she sounds like an amazing person and a force for good in this world. She’s left an example for us to follow, that’s for sure. Sending you and yours much love.

I am so very sorry, Jim. My thoughts are with you and your family. I had hoped that there might be an 11th hour miracle, and following along with your posts. I never met Amy, but it is clear from your writing and your love that she was a very special woman. The world is that much poorer–but the big loss is for you, and I am so sorry for it.

Heartbroken. Strength and love to you and your family. Keeping y’all in my thoughts.

Laura ChancellorSeptember 1, 2019 @ 1:05 am

I’m so sorry. May you, your family and friends find comfort.

Charles MbonuSeptember 1, 2019 @ 4:56 am

My Condolences to your family. Indeed she was a strong woman.

PoulSeptember 1, 2019 @ 5:38 am

My deepest condolences on your loss

M.L. HumphreySeptember 1, 2019 @ 10:20 am

I’m so sorry for your loss. Glad you were able to have that final walk together and that she wasn’t hurting at the end.

MarjorieSeptember 1, 2019 @ 10:59 am

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Alan DeHaanSeptember 1, 2019 @ 11:06 am

Oh no. I am so sorry.

Brian SmildeSeptember 1, 2019 @ 11:12 am

I grieve with you.

KASeptember 1, 2019 @ 1:49 pm

I can only imagine how much she meant to you. I’m sorry.

STSeptember 1, 2019 @ 1:56 pm

My heart goes out to you and I’m sorry for your lost, but it’s very reassuring to see how much support and love you’ve gotten from others. Always know you’ll never have to face this alone. May her beautiful soul rest in peace.

samSeptember 1, 2019 @ 2:42 pm

my condolences

AimeeSeptember 1, 2019 @ 4:49 pm

I’m so so sorry to hear of your loss. If it’s any consolation, at least her spirit will be free from the pain she’s endured and from the sound of things, you and her family made every moment of her life worth living. <3

EVAN K JONESSeptember 1, 2019 @ 6:56 pm

Please accept my condolences. I’m always saddened when someone’s love is lost to them. I pray for healing and empathy for you and you family.

Sad news we hoped you’d never have to tell us. My deepest condolences to you and your kids.

ClaireSeptember 2, 2019 @ 7:49 pm

I am so very sorry. I know that all the wishes in the world can’t bring her back, but please know that we are thinking of you, and sending whatever thoughts/Jedi hugs/prayers you and your son would find most comforting in your time of grief.

I’m so sorry for your loss. We found out that my beloved aunt had cancer around the time you first started posting about Amy, so I’ve been following along with your journey. It’s hard to find meaning in such a meaningless tragedy, but I hope you and your family are able to find some purpose and comfort during this time