Bill Maher Wins $5 Million ‘Orangutan’ Bet with Donald Trump

Routine tests on Donald Trump during his annual physical prove conclusively that the 45th president is indeed descended from an orangutan, as alleged by TV pundit and popular theologian, Bill Maher.

DNA results indicate that Trump is at least 50% orangutan and perhaps more. The composition of his strangely orange hair, or “fur” as scientists describe it, is identical with DNA samples taken from his alleged father (see pictures below).

Maher claimed during a Tonight Show appearance that he believed Trump was the spawn of an orangutan. He offered to pay $5 million if the mop-haired millionaire could prove that he was not the son of Trump’s mother and one of the large orange primates indigenous to Indonesia and Malaysia

Trump responded by producing what Maher claimed was an obviously forged birth certificate, and then filed a $5 million lawsuit against Maher, afterwards dropping it without explanation.

Attorney Michael Cohen, special counsel to Trump, said at the time that “the lawsuit was temporarily withdrawn to be amended and refiled at a later date.”

It is thought that during his physical exam Trump himself requested the DNA test, though it seems to have backfired.

“Mr Trump is unquestionably some type of primitive simian, or at least as close to one as makes little difference,” said a hospital representative at a hastily convened press conference.

“Apart from his limited intelligence, bizarre appearance and uncivilized behavior, you need only compare him to an actual orangutan to clinch the matter.”

The spokesperson then produced the photographic evidence accompanying this article.