"Mother Earth’s favorite metalcore squad, Earth Crisis, has once again descended upon the meat-eatin’, leather-clad masses with their latest aural assault, Salvation of Innocents." Those defenders of animal rights are back with a new, PETA approved album and it even features a thematic comic book! Although Happy Metal Guy is better with coloring books, we gave him a chance at social promotion by reviewing this thing. Be supportive![Give in to your anger...]

"On the surface, there's a lot to hate about Shitfucker. The hacky, try hard Vice interview that introduced them to the world didn't do them any favors. Neither did their stylized swastika logo, nor the fact that their moniker is reminiscent of the nickname I gave to my third grade bus driver. Combine these elements with the comically lo-fi crap-stomp of lead single "Sex Dungeon," and this band was easy to hate: A group of low-talent, low-class scum-fucks looking to capitalize on a strange metallic affinity for sleaze that rarely reconciles with the listener's world view. Red flags were everywhere. I mean, how could an album called Suck Cocks In Hell be construed as anything other than cheap gimmickry?" How indeed?? Watch as Jordan Campbell somehow makes sense of this senseless abomination.[Give in to your anger...]

"This hardcore punk band is right. Death is the horizon beyond which one cannot see, but the Heidegger-ish album title would be more impactful if the song lyrics actually related to the German existentialist’s philosophy.You see, this Pittsburgh group has lyrics dripping with the stale venom of bitter angst, which seems to be directed at society. (What’s new, right?) But Happy Metal Guy isn’t too sure about that, because the lyrics are too cryptic for anyone’s good. If you want your audience to attempt to understand your point of view, at least string together a bunch of more coherent phrases." Happy Metal Guy is fine with German existentialism, providing you don't screw him over with shitty lyrics. The man has standards after all! [Give in to your anger...]