When Your Libido Is Higher Than His

Sitcoms, cartoons, romantic comedies, and books always depict men as having these insatiable sexual appetites. Wherever we saw it, we’ve all witnessed the picture of a woman reading her book in bed, rejecting her partner’s advances. A sad, blue-balled man is left in the dark after his partner says, “Not tonight” and turns off the lights. But that’s not what real life is always like. Not only do I have a much higher sex drive than my partner’s, but a lot of my female friends report wanting to do the deed far more frequently than their boyfriends and husbands do. What’s with these guys? Don’t they know they’re supposed to be horny all of the time? I’m just kidding, of course. There is no way women or men are supposed to be, but I can’t help but feel a bit funny being the pursuer of sex most of the time in my relationship. Here’s what it’s like when your libido is much higher than his.

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You have to ask him not to masturbate

You have to ask your partner not to help himself to some x-rated videos because he doesn’t have any extra sex drive to spare on masturbation. He needs to keep that all for you. You never wanted to be that girlfriend who asked her partner not to masturbate, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

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And make sure he’s keeping his promise

You also have to check up on your boo and make sure he’s following the rules. You know he doesn’t mean to betray you, but it’s the force of habit; he’s just used to grabbing some lotion and adult content on Sunday afternoons, and it’s hard for him to quit.

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If he does help himself, you take it personally

When your partner masturbates, you take it personally. You can’t help but wonder, “How can you claim you have little sex drive when you seem to have no problem having sex with…yourself?” He tries to explain that it’s just different but, you don’t get it.

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Sometimes, it seems like he forgets sex exists

Sometimes it truly seems like your partner just forgets that sex exists. He doesn’t replenish the condom or lube supply. He packs your days full of activities from morning until evening, clearly leaving no window for sex.

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You have to put it in his calendar

You have truly had to put “Sex” in your partner’s calendar. If you didn’t, he’d fill up that gap with something like an oil change or hanging up photos.

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You have to remind him to eat accordingly

Since your man doesn’t think about or want sex, he definitely doesn’t plan for it. That means you have to remind him not to eat double pepperoni pizza or spicy curry on the nights you’re supposed to do the deed—those foods tend to ruin the opportunity.

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Sometimes, you feel unattractive

It’s bound to get to you—it’s hard to feel attractive all of the time when my partner wants to have sex none of the time. Sometimes I find myself staring in the mirror, picking my appearance part, wondering if there is some thing I’ve developed or some mystery 15 pounds I put on somewhere I didn’t notice.

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When he assures you you’re attractive, that’s annoying

Of course, when my partner notices that his low libido is making me insecure, he tries to comfort me by telling me how sexy he finds me. But this only irritates me more—I don’t want to be someone who needs validation.

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You can’t watch movies with sex scenes

You have told your partner that you two are not going to watch that movie he wants to watch because there are too many sex scenes in it. It is not fair of him to make you watch other people do it when you don’t get to do it.

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You’ve tested how long he could hold out

You’ve tested just how far this lack of libido issue goes. You’ve decided once or twice that you would not initiate sex, or even remind your partner of sex, just to see if he would ever bring it up on his own.

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OMG it was a long time

Without trying to, he outlasted you. That man really can go a long time without sex—longer than you were willing to find out.

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You think he needs to go to the doctor

Occasionally you become obsessed with him seeing a doctor about his issue, certain it’s related to a medical condition. He has brought it up to his doctor, they’ve run the tests, and everything came back normal. But you just believe that doctor doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

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People hint he’s cheating on you

When people (especially other men) hear that your partner has a low sex drive, they love to suggest he’s cheating on you. Thanks a lot.

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Or that you’re bad in bed

Another thing men like to suggest is that you could just be bad in bed. You know you’re not bad in bed and that these men are just simpletons but…sometimes they get in your head.

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Sometimes, you get downright angry

Sometimes you just wake up angry, as if your partner’s low libido is his fault, or something he chose. You start huffing and puffing around the apartment, saying mean things to him, and he looks like a confused puppy.