I was abruptly deserted by my husband after 16 years of marriage. We have no kids. He blames me for everything. Even though I always worked, he made much more money. Based on his earnings, he thinks he deserves about 80% of our total assets. He is making me feel like a bad person for wanting my fair share (50% here in CA).

I'm not a vindictive or revengeful type of person, but I am alone now, and need to plan for my future as such.

Since I am able to support myself, I guess I'm afraid of living with guilt the rest of my life if I am able to retain 50%.

I suppose this is still part of my blaming myself for the failure of my marriage...

Stand your ground....I wish I had. My ex...who was the one who ended the marriage by committing adultery used my fragile state to basically leave me with hardly anything. He practically did my packing for me and I just wasn't in a state to argue...its only now I realise just how clever he was. He was in the wrong but on every level he has come out of this the winner....even down to petty things like keeping all the best DVDs...keep looking for my favourite films to find they aren't there.

the house either flip a coin, or how ever will be homeless[no l
iving family], or sell it split, or but the other person out

split the movies, everybody gets their fav, cant agree, who
stood in line to purchase it its yours

music, same thing or else remember you loved them, copy it

video games, who wanted the system, its theirs, take the games you played, even if you dont have the xbox. the xbox is his the wii is mine i have a few xbox titles i will take them, he will have wii titles and he can have them

the only thing we cant figure out is the collectibles. we have our own that we liked, but we have ones we both love and could not bear to sell

same with books..well we read manga, and we have a lot of shared volume sets

if we have two computers i get one, and the computer games i liked and played

and i get a few of the useful tools, not that old broken wrench thats completly rusted out

i get half the bank account checking and the savings,half the stocks and investments, money maket, cds, everything else investment wise half goes to the kids trust fund

anything you get a monthy pay out i get half

thats what seems fair to me. maybe it is maybe it isnt...thats just the way i see it.

No, you should not feel guilty. Whether you worked or not doesn't matter, if you're entitled to 50% by law, then you're entitled to 50%. He doesn't get to have more just because he worked. Frankly, he should feel guilty for wanting 80%. Unless the extra 30% is stuff that he had before the marriage, he's not entitled to keep it just because he wants it.

I was abruptly deserted by my husband after 16 years of marriage. We have no kids. He blames me for everything. Even though I always worked, he made much more money. Based on his earnings, he thinks he deserves about 80% of our total assets. He is making me feel like a bad person for wanting my fair share (50% here in CA).

I'm not a vindictive or revengeful type of person, but I am alone now, and need to plan for my future as such.

Since I am able to support myself, I guess I'm afraid of living with guilt the rest of my life if I am able to retain 50%.

I suppose this is still part of my blaming myself for the failure of my marriage...

I believe that whatever was obtained during the marriage for the marriage should be split 50/50 in MOST cases.

If your ex walked into the marriage with $50,000 and you had nothing and the $50k was used to buy a house then he's entitled to $50,000 more then you.

That's the MORAL way of doing things. And Vice Versa, if you walked into the marriage with $50,000 then you're entitled to $50k more then him etc etc.

If he earnt more money than you during the marriage, then SO WHAT. You both worked and you both contributed, he was just lucky enough to earn more money then you.

But if he thinks he's entitled to way more than you like 80%... on what grounds?

If your state says you are due 50% but you feel guilty over that figure, why not offer to take 35% or 40%? Avoid the heavy lawyer fees, you avoid any feelings of guilt, he gets to think he's gotten the upper hand. It'll be over sooner, you'll get a reasonable sum which you probably don't actually really need anyway. If money is the be all and end all to him, let him have a few extra dollars.

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