This time last year my book came out. An April 1st release date delayed two weeks c/o life and its unexpected kookiness. I thought it was a sign as I usually do. Nothing ever goes right when you need it to. But that's okay. Because sometimes what is "right" isn't at all, not even close. Challenges are mandatory in life, especially when it comes to dreams being realized, spring arriving and with it the birds. Life is full of reminders that no matter how high we fly we are never above tragedy, loss or bad reviews.

This time last year I felt desperately alone and completely out of control. But I also felt elated because holy shit!!! I did it! I drew heads and legs on dreams and watched them walk out into the world and happy trails to you, little book. Happy trails.

After years of rejected manuscripts and kicking at doors, I had sold something. And it was out. Like, in stores.

It was as petrifying as it was liberating. I felt like I could do anything, regardless of how it was received. Learning to walk away from a critic smiling is like bungee jumping for those afraid of heights. I got to work right away on new projects and proposals and ideas I wanted to send out into the world. Because I can do anything! No one can stop me! Not even the voices telling me "Go on, you damn fool!" NOTHING!

But it hasn't been easy. Lots of work to be done. And I've been working my flat ass off this past year, not on Rockabye II: The Rockoning or even another book, but on a television pilot/script/proposal about new unexpected parenthood and the rebellion that follows. About the reestablishment of identity. The isolation. The utter ridiculousness of it all. Kind of like this blog in five acts.

Because I was so tired of the way mothers and fathers and families were depicted on television. All older and freshly pressed and wealthy with picket-fenced houses built out of brick and cliches. Because the only on-screen pregnant chick I'd ever related to was Juno and she gave her baby away. To Banana Republic's version of a "mom." Because moms don't look like Juno. Except actually? They do.

Because Jack Bauer on 24 is more relatable to new moms than the force fed politically-correct characters in In the Motherhood, Notes From the Underbelly and every other "parenting" show that lives briefly on network television before falling off the air. (I mean, really. Who are you seriously trying to reach with "rocker mom" Megan Mullally and her leather jacket circa 1996?)

not us said the fly!...

Real mothers relate to women who are real -- who do not airbrush their lives or tuck in their shirts or bake heart-shaped cookies, sans burnt edges. Real women do not want to be bombarded by punchlines or political correctness. Real mothers are an all-ages show, a music festival with side stages and main stages and DJ tents to choose from. Why then must we all be lumped into the same category, herded by faulty shepherds toward the headlining act?

I was recently considered to be on Oprah with my friends from Momversation. After several exhaustive interviews and a week of waiting by the phone, I was told I was the wrong fit for the show.

"Cool. No problem. I understand," I said. And then I cried. Because who wants to be "the wrong fit" for anything?

The wrong fit for what? The wrong fit because... why?

"Because you're not exactly the 'down-the-middle' mom."

"Who is?"

As evidenced by these comments, very few of us feel like we "fit in" anywhere. And great because none of us have to.

Because it's a waste of time and heart to be anything but authentic.

Because unfortunately, what constitutes as "real parenting" on television these days are the Fake Housewives of New York City and Notes From the TV Executive's Wife's Playgroup .

But that will change. Or so I tell myself. Because no one wants to watch the "right down the middle television show. " No one relates to the "every-mom USA" advertisement.

Don't they?

Do you?

In the meantime I chase maybes, prepare proposals, rewrite scripts to land meetings with dudes who greenlight shows starring Horatio Sanz as the "manny" in order to convince them that the modern mother looks like me, too. Like US.

That in order to appeal to the audience they are so desperately after they must first tell an authentic story. (This, for example.) No talk of underbellies or motherhoods necessary.

Because "right down the middle" no longer exists. "The wrong fit" might pertain to jeans but not to people. Not to motherhood or parenthood or any other hood. Because an authentic experience is always right.Always appealing. And always relatable. Regardless of what it is or who you are or what the tattoos on your arms say.

(100% authentic grade A. happy baby)

So I'll continue to write what I know. Because that is what I've always done: knocking on doors, trying to convince strangers and executives and production peeps to spare some change re: the same old same old. And when I'm done knocking? I'll just knock again. Because quite often that's the only way to get anywhere with anything.

...

Happy Birthday, little book. You dream come true, you.

And many more.

GGC

In lieu of dreams and their anniversaries, and "wrong fits" being right on and me going on tangents like crazy, I'd like you to tell me what you're doing today to further your dream? Whether it be writing a book, screenplay, studying french, learning to tap dance or start a photography business, opening an Etsy store to sell your homemade jewelry, fighting for a cause...

One of you will be picked at random to win a First Act Acoustic Guitar, a signed copy of Rockabye and a year of free GGC adspace for your product, Etsy store or cause. Thank you for supporting this blog and my book and everything else. Thank you for always being real.

You rock.

...

Congratulations to the lovely Heather for winning all of the goodies above. And thanks to all of you for your words and support and loveliness per always.

349
comments:

In my late 30's I went back to school with a 2 month old and a two year old at home with my mom to become a nurse. I'd race home between classes to nurse the baby and figured out a way to prop up the computer around the boppy pillow to do homework. At 40 I graduated and am now an ICU RN. I get the whole not fitting in. Most moms with kids the ages of mine are a few years younger than me and most RNs in my field are more than a few years younger than me. I just do the best I can and be who I am and somehow it all works out.

I love your blog. I'm a straight-up lurker, and NO I am not coming out of the shadows today b/c of the contest, but to tell you that I would totally have watched you on Oprah and I think you're rad! Love the photos of Fable and Archer - you have some ridiculously good-looking kids. Happy bookiversary ;)

I am still writing. I picked up an old script, the one where the instructor gave me the most heartbreaking comment "the audience would walk out at this point" and I am starting again, keeping what I like, tossing what no longer works, and being prepared to try, fail, try again, and fail better. I am reminding myself that the only way I will ever see my plays produced is if I keep writing, keep opening myself up to criticism, taking the advice that works for me and ignoring the rest, and writing, writing, still writing. I am going to constantly remind myself that YES, I am a writer, I am an artist, and that no one can take that away from me.

I hate Oprah, but I would totally watch an episode if you were on it because you rock. I haven't got much in the way of dreams these days. I have a 2 1/2 year old son and a seven week old daughter and am just trying to feel like myself again. But I am contemplating putting on clothes (other than my jammies) for the first time in a few days. Reach for the stars, I always say.

After 4 years being miserable at a behind the desk computer job, I took out another student loan and a giant leap of faith and went back to school. I am 28, the oldest in my class and loving it. I am on my way to a creative and rewarding career and I couldn't be happier

JustRelax7
| 10:40 AM

Hi there. First time poster, long time reader here. Would you be so kind as to list those people who turned you down so I can smack them upside the head with a dirty diaper, please? In the motherhood is the stupidest show on the planet. I watched it online with a smile on my face while I was pregers. "OH what fun that will be!" Then realities came along and well fill in the blanks. What's my dream? Well, to be completely, 100% honest, in a not suck up kind of way. It's to be more like you. What am I doing to get there? Enjoying life and my kids and not worrying about being 'that' mom. Thanks!!

Oh you have no idea how it pisses me off that people in general/fellow parents/institutions/Oprah measure moms with this make believe standard which DOES. NOT. EXIST. It makes it impossible for me to relate to anyone because, hey, I bake and do crafts every now and then but I am NOT that weird perfect mom I'm "supposed" to be. Anywho, Happy book anniversary!!!!!

Katie
| 10:58 AM

Beautiful post.

My dream is to finish business school in the next 3 years so that I can finally feel ready to apply for that job I don't think I'm qualified for.

I work every day at a state public health department to further the general well being of the people in my state.

My dream is to move my family to Southeast Asia, Africa or South America and work in an lesser developed region and practice grass roots public health, specifically reproductive health education or clean drinking water education.

What I'm doing to make my dream come true is helping other people. That's all I want. Not personal gain, just making this world better. I'm currently working on creating a blog in support of same-sex marriage. Not just any old political propaganda blog, but one authored by a small handful of real couples out there, who want their stories to be heard, so that the rest of the world can see that all of these people against whom the law discriminates are real, normal, people, with normal lives and hopes and dreams and every bit as much right as everyone else to that "justice for all" promised to us.My vision for this blog, which isn't off the ground yet, but hopefully will be in 3...2...1...is to plant the seedlings in the minds and hearts of the average person of acceptance as our societal norm.

Today I’m swallowing my pride and shoving down other forms of fear as I prepare for my enrollment appointment at LACC. A community college. The degree I earned right after high school is no longer enough to further my dream on it’s own. So for a while, maybe longer, I’ll have to play by the rules and put in my dues. I’ll have to figure out how to pay the rent while attending school. I’ll be working twice as hard to make time for a school that, as my eighteen your old self would’ve viewed it, is half as good.

I’m also taking an art class at Barnstall Art Park, carving out more time to write, and applying for an internship at the LA Zoo. All new things. All efforts to jump start the humdrum motor of my life and turn it into a whirling engine of efficiency, creativity, and awesomeness.

There are many people my age who accomplish immense feats and by doing so, impact the world positively. I want to be one of them. Today that means enrolling at a community college. Done.

BTW: I caught that Oprah show you mentioned (read: sought out clips online after hearing it mentioned here and on Dooce.com). No doubt, your perspective would have added a great deal to the conversation. I only have a few friends my age (25) that are momz, and they all have told me they often feel incredibly isolated. I’m sure it would’ve rocked their day to see your mug on the O show.

this post was so right on, and the pictures of fable are absolutely adorable.

keep on keepin' on, and you totally fit--right here.

India
| 11:23 AM

My dream for motherhood is simple, but extremely hard for me: find joy and peace in the daily struggles of life with small children. My dream for myself was to be a forest ranger, not possible now with our life. Today I will admire plants and leaves with my kids and teach them the botanical names. Oh, and I want to me a MILF to my husband.

Anonymous
| 11:34 AM

I read your "The Outsider Inside Her" blog entry the same day that the Oprah show was on with the Momversation crew. I wondered why you weren't on and thought this blog entry had something to do with that. Screw Oprah! Keep doing what you're doing and being who you are ;)

My dream is to have the world be accessible to and accepting of my 10 year old (autistic) son. Until that happens I'm going to continue to be heard on his behalf so that he and his peers will be seen, heard, respected and believed. In the meantime, I've worked with some amazing mamas and papas to come up with this project-a book called My Baby Rides the Short Bus- coming this summer.

A long time ago I dreamed of becoming a writer. I wrote ALL THE TIME. I poured every emotion I ever had into those pages and it felt damn good. When I went through a horrible relationship and a much needed break up with an abusive boyfriend, he destroyed all of my belongings including my beloved writings. He burned them along with all my family pictures and photographs I had been taking from a photography class I had joined. He poured bleach all over my clothes. I felt really sorry for myself for a long time. After all, I could never remember the exact words I had written or how I was feeling at the moment I sat down and penned them. I felt like he had set my house on fire and burned down everything inside. I was really broken and stopped writing and taking pictures b/c of it. He had also smashed my camera, and though I still had a pen and paper, I couldn't bring myself to put anything on it for fear that someone could just come along and rip it all away again.

My life has changed a lot since then. I found an amazing man and married him. We had a beautiful son that I love to my core. Recently I started thinking about the ex and everything that happened. Since he burned my writings and took away my will to write, I felt something was missing inside. So, I just said to myself one day, "Take it back. It's yours. Take it back." So, I did. I sat down and I started writing again. It's like coming home. I still love it. I always did, but I had left it for quite some time. Now I am writing the story of that horrible relationship and how I found my way out of it to become the person I am today. My dream is to finish my story. I don't even care if anyone reads it, I just want to put it on paper for myself. I want to read it when it's all completed and feel proud of the woman I have become.

Leslie

P.S. I watched the Oprah show that you're referring to and wondered why you weren't on the panel. Totally their loss. You would have rocked it.

I would've totally crapped my pants if you were on Oprah....DAMN! Your book and your blog are my favorite mom-related reads by far!

I've been trying to remember my old dreams lately, but realizing that with motherhood, they really aren't a good fit for me anymore. The exciting thing is that motherhood has opened my eyes to talents and passions I never knew I had. My dream is to bring one of my mom-inventions to life. In between a full-time job outside the home and being mom to a zany 6 month old little man, I am diligently plugging away and reaching for the stars. I know that my accomplishments will make m a better woman, better mom, and better example for not only my son, but hopefully for all the naysayers who want me to fit into the sweater-set soccer mom mold!

I just recently found you and am so thankful that I did. I'm pregnant with my first baby, due in 3 1/2 weeks, excited and terrified all at the same time of what our life will be like post-baby.

Funny that you mentioned the Etsy shop as that is exactly what I am doing currently to further my dream. I've always wanted to have a small business and have been toying with the idea of an Etsy shop for a while, and then last week a friend encouraged me to do it. I thought, Why the hell not? and signed up for my Etsy account last night. I have nothing up yet, but hopefully within the next few weeks I will, and then hopefully... !

Funnily enough, I just ordered Rockabye on it's birthday, for MY birthday, which is Monday.

My current dream (goal, really) is to figure out this whole balance thing that is motherhood and self. I haven't quite mastered the art of meeting the needs of our high-needs baby and taking care of myself. And I would like to, because I miss showering.

Beth
| 12:09 PM

I'm kind of glad you weren't on Oprah - people seem to think Oprah sets standards for the rest of us, and motherhood and a concept of it are the last things that need boxing up. I'm not a mom, but every single mother I know is so different and so unique that trying to tie them to a specific idea is ridiculous.

My dream has always been to be a bit more creative -- I've been in school for what seems like forever, and I really needed another outlet. I've started crocheting, and it's been great!

I think the Oprah people made a boring decision. I enjoy many of the Momversation mothers but, to me, you stand tall above the others.

As for what I'm doing? I'm scanning old slides of people I don't know. I post them on my site because it feels good to take what was once forgotten and give it purpose. I do it because if I don't, I'm not sure who else would.

HappyCamper
| 12:21 PM

What am I doing to further my dreams?

First, I am learning to play acoustic guitar. I have always loved the sound of it and envied those who could play it. I finally decided that I wanted to teach myself how so that it is something that is all mine, all for myself.

I have also wanted to help sick/injured/unwanted animals, but have always made the excuse of not enough time. Today, I heard that an acquaintance of a friend is giving her dog up, possibly the the pound, and have decided to break my own people-should-always-outnumber-pets rule and adopt him.

As a "wrong fit" from WAY back in the day, I still struggle, but I am making it my life's work (for the moment) to raise 4 boys into 4 amazing men.I volunteer as a court advocate for abused kids to give them a voice and to show them that they matter.My dream is to open a residential home for adolescents, I start school again in the fall. I despise being told that we can't all get along, that sometimes people are just nasty and that is they way it is, so I continue to act like I can't hear that bullshit and I keep on and keep on and keep on. :-)

Because that woman who peed in a diaper was TOTALLY a "normal" mom. :D

You've written a lot here lately about you struggles feeling like you don't fit in. I wrestle with the same thing. Just know that when I read that sometimes you don't know where you fit either, it makes me feel like I might actually fit in the world just a little better.

I had always, always wanted to learn how to do crafts, such as beading, crocheting, etc.A couple of years ago I was taught how to crochet by a relative, and recently took it up again to learn how to make things other than scarves or blankets.And now, in school, my student council has put up a class for learning how to bead, and design your own jewellery. In two weeks we're learning how to make moccasins!And now I'm thinking that I want to share with others the things that I've made because I'm so proud of myself for learning, so I'm hoping to open up my own Etsy store soon.Wish me luck!

Today I am looking at graduate programs. I shouldnt be. Well first of all, I'm still an undergraduate. Also, i'm in love with someone whos career might take us away from any plans of grad school. And last, I really want to get knocked up. (That last part is a secret.) For now I will sit in the office of my horribly boring day job and dream about My Masters of Fine Art in Photography. Or maybe i'll look for some photo gigs on craigslist instead.

The only shows I've seen that even come close to reality are those "Nanny" shows, well, at least the beginning of them, you know, before the family miraculously figures it all out and live happily ever after.

Happy Birthday to your book. I bought it and loved it. Its sucess supports my thoughts that alone is a terrible place to be. We all want to know we aren't the only ones who don't seem to "fit."

As for dreams...well, I write, but haven't figured out how to deal with the rejection that I just know will come, so I keep it all to myself, for now. But I did sorta-start a photography business when I was contracted and sold some pictures last Fall. Well, I have a dream and a website...oh, and some business cards! That's a start, right? :) Dreams are so hard to hold on to in the face of life and motherhood...

living in a slum community in mexico and working to make real practical change for families through community health, business initiatives and just trying to remind people of their voice in a community where nobody feels audible...

I'm another 'real mom'. Most of us are! I'm a fellow writer, blog-writer (www.meliferasmusings.blogspot.com, and super-mama, as well as an artist, clothing designer, and Etsy store proprieter (www.melifera.etsy.com).

Our kids are lucky to have motivated, creative moms. Congrats on the book, and here's to your continued success!

Funny thing... I actually DO want to start a photography business. Everyday I try to book at least one session... and lately it has meant giving them away for free. But I do because I love it and even if I'm not making a living at it, it keeps me happy. Little by little, piece by piece... it will come.

I started reading your blog regularly when I accidentally discovered you were married to my college buddy (!), but really fell in love with how you write about your life. Unlike pretty much every other blog I read, you manage to keep the sweet in your step -- you aren't embarrassed to proclaim your love for your husband or kids or life or your parents or any number of things that other blogs (even, no especially, mom blogs) cloak in endless sarcasm and cynicism. I think you are great and wish you the best.

I'm also (not so) secretly jealous of your career, which I'd love to have! I've left a career in law to do what I should have done in the first place -- write. So that is what I'll be doing while my little one naps this afternoon, in pursuit of my little ol' dream: write and write.

Best wishes.

Amy O.
| 2:14 PM

Girl, Oprah doesn't deserve to be graced with your awesomeness. ;) And as a fellow Californian who got pregnant in my mid 20's and is also raising two kids in an urban area, I find you incredibly relatable. This is why I read your blog.

My dream is to start a small locally based company that designs and manufactures really awesome single speed commuter bicycles. I'm considering a couple different designs - a beach cruiser style, a road bike/fixed gear style, and an old-timey retro style - all really simple and elegant with no annoying decals or graphics, and of course a rainbow of color choices.

So far I've bought a bunch of books on small business management and accounting, obtained a list of bike frame manufacturers in Taiwan, and of course spent a lot of time dreaming about it...

Today, I went on a job interview. It is my first since my daughter was born almost six years ago. This is my first step towards independence from my husband and my awful marriage. I am going out on my own. I can do it!

Today I am doing something new by commenting on a blog. I never comment on blogs, because I find it very, very hard to relate to people who comment on blogs. I don't think that came out quite right, but I just mean that I am not so forthcoming with my opinions to total strangers even if, you know, that's what the comments section is for.

My sister is losing her job in two days. Her own small business will be closing along with the larger business for whom she worked. If she moves her small business online, she'll need to do a lot of advertising, perhaps on an eloquent blog like this one. That's what made me decide to write a comment. Because there is a person I love who could really use a little serendipity and luck right now, so I am doing anything I can to send whatever luck I have directly to her.

I have been reading your blog for a long time. And HELL YEAH, I'd watch you on Oprah. I am not a mom, but today somehow I relate to your anecdote of political correctness. I have been told if I want to have children, I have to do it now - for health reasons. It's been my lifelong dream to become a mother (someday, when I'm ready and own the picket fence and the heart-shaped cookies) and I came back from the doctor's office holding back tears and thinking "Oh shit, I've spent the last 15 years trying NOT to get pregnant, and now I need to go and DO IT." I actually called my divorced-father-of-2 fiancee and asked him what I should do first...he laughed and told me nature will take care of us. That waiting for the time to be right is just an excuse we make ourselves, that 'being ready' is an impossiblity. I'm scared shitless.

honey, YOU rock. really truly. your authenticity and wit are such a pleasure and inspiration to me and SO many people, made obvs by the comments here.

what am i doing to further my dream? i've started a photography website with my work and i've stopped selling myself short. in 9 weeks or less, i'll give birth to my first baby and i want him to be proud of his mama, wherever our lives take us.

It seems to me like with a larger variety of moms they would appeal to a larger audience. I know I appreciate hearing from many different perspectives. :)

My dream is to live a sustainable lifestyle, and to that end I am learning how to sew so that I can turn garments that I do not want or use into things that I will love. Tonight I am working on my current project, turning an old set of sheets into a beautiful duvet cover.

Megan
| 2:51 PM

You are my favorite. You bring hope that mom jeans aren't inevitable.

jessica
| 2:54 PM

you said no comments about this but i'm a rebel so here goes: you are much younger than i am and i relate to you better than anyone on t.v. or in real life my age with kids. does that mean that i'm immature or that maturity as we know it is all an act??? (hope breaking the rules a bit does not disqualify me from winning the guitar for my son- he wants lessons!!)

as far as my dream- i actually live it every day. i love my job, my kids and my life. my single fabulous friend who travels thinks i need to get out more but i finally told her one day that i spend all day with my friends at work and i love what i do (teaching) so i never feel the need to "get out" and i also enjoy being home with my family so that's fine for me too. she doesn't get it. you do- keep trying for that show i'd love to see it!!!

I'm working my ass off taking care of my 8 month old, working a day job and trying to get my little etsy shop off the ground. My dream is to have my own business so that I can leave my corporate job. oh happy day! thanks for the chance, and as usual, for telling it like it is. Abi

I wish you'd write another Rockabye!! serisouly that book changed my life & totally made me change my outlook on being a mom to 2 boys aged 2 1/2 & 8 months at the young age of 23and a bit.

I'd actually turn my tv on to oprah if you were on it.. haha.

to further myself.. well i can't really do that quite yet, im waiting for my husband to finish his exams so that he's an engineer and i can go back to school and become something and be able to support my children better than i can now.

Oprah's loss, clearly. Although I'm not yet a mom, I know that when I eventually become one, I definitely won't end up being a fabulous Banana Republic mom. It's just not me; and I wasn't raised by a mom like that, but somehow my brother and I turned out just fine. Funny.

As far as my dream goes, I am going back to school to pursue photography in the fall. It's something I've loved my whole life and always kept it on the back burner. I recently opened my own Etsy store and sold two prints right off the bat, which encouraged me to think about actually turning my beloved hobby into a career. I'm so excited!

"wrong fit"? what does that mean, anyway? Were we all supposed to fall out of a cookie cutter or something? I would have cried, too, but maybe it's just not the right time for you ;)

My dreams have been on hold for a long, long time. I keep putting myself on the back burner to do the laundry, cook the dinner, help with homework and support my husband's dreams and help my children find their own... All that is about to change.

I bought a domain the other day and am in the process of getting it set up to peddle my art and (possibly, maybe) my miraculous natural concoction we affectionately refer to as "boo-boo goo" (good for any skin thing - from bug bites to minor burns to freshly inked tattoos.)

[let me know if you'd like a sample of the goo... it was specially developed to be safe for the little ones, too - mercury_48176@yahoo.com]

"Because an authentic experience is always right. Always appealing. And always relatable. Regardless of what it is or who you are or what the tattoos on your arms say."

I love it! This is so true, and I can't understand for the life of me why TV ppl don't get that. There have been very few TV shows that try and portray it like it really is. That's probably why I spend my life watching Roseanne re-runs. Honestly, I think you're too good for some stupid skype interview on Oprah anyway. You deserve your own segment, in person. You are so inspiring and so REAL and you have an amazing writing talent!

You have been such an inspiration to me since our first coffee date! I love that you rock out with your c*ck out no matter what!

Me? I have spent this week researching French lessons & masters programs, registering for motorcycle classes and chasing my dream job. Phew! But it's nice to know I am not alone and so many other people are doing such cool things!!

My dreams, huh? Well, let's see...I am attending nursing school because I want to be a nurse practitioner someday. I'm trying to balance the lot of my responsibilities and obligations so I have a little free time, I'm doing my part to make sure my son matures into a wonderful young man and I'm trying my darndest to keep smiling and laughing while I do it all. How's that? :)

Because "right down the middle" no longer exists. The sociological norm never has existed and I didn't think that came into play in this day. I thought shows like Oprah were to show that it's okay to be different and successful at whatever (or anyever - my new word).

Despite that, what I noted most was your being lonely a year ago. I'm sorry for that and pleased you have landed head up with your mate and kids beside you rather than left behind.

Oh Rebecca. Again with the touching my soul and writing the words I didn't know I so needed. Thank you in the deepest way, in the way those two stupid little words fall short of really capturing. I have to write about this now. About what my motherhood looks like and how I'm no longer the unabashed fan of Oprah I was just an hour ago.

Now ... my dream. Hmm. I think I have nine million, trillion little dreams always evolving and manifesting but my realest dream is to continue to cultivate a happy, meaningful, fun marriage. Every day I work on this dream and there are many, many days I trip and fall and scream and tell him I'm looking towards the door. But every day I want to try harder for him, be better, be good. I want this because I think it's nice to have someone to share adventure and laughter with, especially someone who thinks I'm nice to be around, but more importantly because I think that's the best, most important gift I can give my 10-week old son, two parents who love each other just as much if not more than they love him.

Another dream is to travel to Spain and you've inspired me to do something about that every day, even if it's just saving a nickel here and there.

you are like, the coolest mom I have ever heard of. I would say the coolest mom I know, but I'm not lucky enough to know you. If only you would have got a ticket to BlogHer this year...

Ahem.

jessica
| 6:16 PM

Just read heather's post and i'm with ya girl!! i have 3 kids as well and just came back from my first night at the gym!!!! i'm so excited. talking about losing weight wasn't working for me. neither was the brownie diet i was on so i decided to just shut up and do something!!! virtual high five!! yea!

I have been reading for a couple of months, I relate to you because you are a "real" mom, and not one of those moms who pretend to be perfect. I cannot believe Oprah missed out on the opportunity to have you on her show. I think it is a sign that she is becoming so far removed from the reality of modern motherhood.

While finishing my MFA in creative writing, I got pregnant. And then I had a baby. And then...I stopped writing. And I'm trying so hard to actually finish something. As I type this, one kid is asking me for Cheerios and the other has spilled Spaghetti-o's (organic of course) :) on the floor. I love my kids so, so much but between them and my husband, and my job, and my pets, sometimes I do feel like I have lost myself. My youngest boy has something wrong with him. Most of the specialists we see think it is autism and I feel crushed right now. For the past few years, I have off and on been working on a screenplay with my husband and friend. And it is almost done and it will be really good, but I just can't seem to get it finished. Sometimes I feel selfish for even thinking about my own projects, with so much going on around me. This has motivated me to try and get it done. So thank you. And fuck Oprah. You rock.

Sometimes I think that being a mother can gobble up your identity, break your spirit and leave you wondering what happened to the chick with a flat stomach and a booze tolerance that exceeded one glass of wine. But only if you let it.

My sister and I were bored with our soul sucking jobs and craving something more, so we finally decided to write a book. You know that thing we always said we'd do, but never actually got around to doing.

Well, we wrote one book. And it sucked. We racked up an obscene amount of rejections and then we wrote another one. And this book doesn't suck at all. In fact it landed us offers from three different literary agents for representation. So now, we're working on revisions with our agent and hoping that we'll start submitting to publishers soon.

So yeah, we're doing it. We're following our dream and 90% of the time we're escatic and the other 10% of the time we're terrified. And hopefully someday we'll actually get to hold our book. TBD.

My best friend and I opened up our own shop almost a year ago. It's called firefly : new beginnings, and you can see photos of the shop on facebook, and we also have a web store at www.fireflynewbeginnings.com. It's our little dream, and the web store part is all new to us. We both get to bring our sons to work with us, and we each only work 4 hours a day. It was so much hard work and at times it seems the risk is CRAZY, but we love it.

Honestly, I fit much more into the stereotype (on the outside) of who the Oprah folks are targeting — but it is your blog I am the most drawn to. Just because I fit a certtain demographic doesn't mean they know who I am. I am you (or like you) but a decade later.

A little over a year ago, when my daughter was just 2, I lost the only family member I really had — my father. His unexpected death was horrendous for me, and served as a wake-up call.

Since then, I've pursued so many dreams. I went back to studying French, which lead to living there with my husband and daughter for 6-weeks. I started a blog and an etsy shop, neither of which make any money but both of which leave me fulfilled.

Continue to be true to yourself, Rebecca. Raise those beautiful kids to be happy little people. Pursue your dreams. It will come.

Sallie
| 7:36 PM

It always seems like the outstanding people in any field are the ones who get shafted the most. The establishment doesn't like being told that there is something better out there. (That being said, I hope your pilot comes through!) I am making my dream come true by going back to school to start the path to becoming a midwife. I have a graduate degree in music, which is part of me, and which I need to survive, but this is something else I've dreamed of, and I finally took the plunge and am starting this summer!

oh my god. i watched "in the motherhood" tonight and that has got to be one of the most poorly written, poorly acted, annoying, unfunny, contemptable shows on the air! seriously if i ever become a mother like that or am ever friends with a person like any of them, shoot me. it was effing painful to watch. i see it being cancelled in 3.....2......1.......

sorry i was unable to follow the directions for commenting, but that show made me want to hit people and things.

sunny
| 7:52 PM

i watched that oprah.

and i was so bummed you weren't on it! of all the momversationalists you are my favorite.

as for dreams - i wan to go back to college for my masters degree after all my kids are in school. until then, i'm living the dream of raising 3 beautiful and precious children.

Please don't enter me in the draw; I just wanted to say that I forgot to watch that Oprah episode but if you were on it, I would have blogged about it, tweeted about it, facebooked it and recorded it. You are so full of talent. And you are not the right fit????????????????????????????????????????????? WTF?!

i watched that oprah and recognized your absence. i knew why, though. your post just confirmed it for me, too. it doesn't surprise me at all. america wants a certain type of mom. but only because people with power control us like puppets and it's that heard mentality. gets us in trouble and makes us forget we have a mind of our own. makes us forget things like, our ability to birth naturally. civil rights for all... marriage for all. it is really sad. to be honest, dooce, baconcrazy, etc... are supposed to be everybody's favorite, but that's because they are boring and play it safe all the time. when i found out i was preggo this past year, i was a nut case. didn't know what to do. wanted to keep partying. wasn't married, didn't want to get married. decided i couldn't keep the baby. but, then, mulled over it a couple weeks longer, decided i would. if i believed that god had anything to do with it, i'd say 'thank god!' because ziya is amazing! she's the best little bastard we've [partner chris and i] ever met! my besti leah [www.leahandmark.com] gave me your book a few months into my pregnancy, and it was the first book i read after deciding to keep her. it was my only comfort. literally. i got a lot of negative reactions to the news of my pregnancy... i felt alone. a loneliness i had never experienced before in my life. sinking, heavy, heartbreaking... but i wanted to be happy about it! anyway... thanks for being my only friend for awhile. FUCK 'EM! you've got a lot of people on your side sister. leah wrote to me inside your book 'because you're going to be an amazing mom'... and, we are.

“Because it's a waste of time and heart to be anything but authentic.”

^^Awesome line. You need to copyright it immediately! ;o) As always of course this is such an EXCELLENT entry. Your words are always filled with hope and I love that. Good luck to you in all your future endeavors, as well as trying to get your pilot into the right hands. To someone who “really” cares about what “you” want to say. To someone who won’t try to change what you want to tell the world. Because that is also the hard part. But once you get there may it all be easy from there on out.

One of my dreams is to become a filmmaker/screenwriter/producer (etc, etc, etc…HEHE =P), so I can create my own HIT show. But it is only a mere thought; only a mere dream.

P.S. I saw that episode of Oprah and wondered why you weren't there. I'm sorry to hear that they didn't want you. But sooner or later they'll be calling you. And if they don't later for them! =P

Beth
| 8:17 PM

My mom called to tell me that the mom bloggers I read were on Oprah and I missed it. But now I don't care knowing they rejected you. I bought your book a few months ago after having my first kid. It's funny because I waited until I (thought) was ready (31) but I still identified with your book and all the crazy feelings that come with this new person (and the baby). I am still trying to fit into my new life. Loved the book by the way!

I'm growing another baby. 19 weeks and not even close to being half-way ready. I'm also in a mid career crisis, but at this point am just happy to have a job with health insurance that will afford me to have another baby and only pay $250 out of pocket. I know stop complaining. But that's my big crux right now, seeking a dream or having an HMO. So rather than feeling depressed about giving in to the system instead of following my unrealized dreams, I'm focusing on having a happy pregnancy.

When I saw all of the other moms from momversation on Oprah, I was disappointed when you weren't there. You're usually the one I relate to the most.

You just outlined why I was in love with your blog/family from day 1! I grew up with the best Mom who fit no mold and taught me truly that the most important things in life are love and relationships. She was never trying to impress anyone with her looks and yet was the most beautiful person to me. Still is on many levels! Your authenticity speaks the same such volumes to me, especially since you and I are about the same age. I'm not a mom yet, but I yearn for it, and I trust I'll be there someday soon. It's moms like you that encourage me that it doesn't have to be intimidating because one doesn't magically become something different as a mom-- one just continues as oneself, (though with much changing and growth, of course). Your blog always encourages me, Rebecca. In answer to the question, I'm determined that my husband Sam & I are going to learn how to dance together with real steps. We both love it, and when we make time for it, it brings us together so wonderfully! So, we're slowly taking some lessons and planning to go to our 2nd ever dance together on the 24th of April. Can't wait.

Anonymous
| 9:02 PM

irony, love, and irony.oprah was the wrong fit for the same reasons you had to cover your tats in the turning leaf ad. your story is caught somewhere between the handshake and the sex talk. too big to ignore, but not quite big enough to launch rockets off of. sometimes we all need a little nudge. and sometimes it just has to come from the right place. you can't do it alone, and you can't do it without the right kind of support.

you are loved, but more importantly, no matter how many books you sell, it will never alter your value to those who found you and loved you before you wrote it and tried to sell it or anything else you've made of love and passion.

happy birthday, little book written by a big girl. the most emotionally influential writer of our generation will have her time. even if her words are so tragically ironic and she doesn't even know it.

To further my dream, I am going to college to acquire my Bachelor's in Equine Science. I am THE quintessential Horse Cray Girl, have always been, will always be. My dream is to work for Varian Arabians in California as their barn manager. This is my dream.

Caitlin
| 9:41 PM

Rebecca,

The only blogs I read regularly are yours and Dooce. I wish they had put you on Oprah; I certainly noticed your absence.

I wrote you a few days ago asking what your tattoo reads; 'the truth, dressed up as a fairytale'? It seems you're trying to create the opposite. Take away the fairytale mom, and make her someone real. She can still be blissfully happy. She can be YOU. Your children are beautiful, as is their mother.

I've never left a comment here before although I've been following your blog for sometime. Before I talk about my own dreams, I just want to thank you for sharing yours and for your honesty, which I find really refreshing. You and I come from very different worldviews, but regardless I always appreciate your candour, your lovely way with words, and your obvious love for your children.

Today (right now in fact) I'm in the middle of one of my final assignments of the school year. In a few weeks I will be finished my year in teachers' college and will be officially certified to teach high school French (woohoo - funny that you mentioned it in your examples, too!). This is one thing that I'm doing to further my dream, but more importantly, I'm making time in my life, despite the busy-ness of being a student and still adjusting to married life (it's been exactly 11 months today), for my two loves: reading for pleasure and writing (blog posts, poems, story outlines, you name it). You see my (secret) dream - if I could do anything in the world - is to be able to write fulltime. It may be baby steps right now, but every step gets me closer to that goal.

Wow. That post gave me goosebumps and made me want to run into the streets yelling "Fuck you, world!" and boycott Oprah. Seriously, outstanding. My dream? I just want to write. And I haven't written in a long, long time. So...I started a blog last month. I know, doesn't sound like a big deal. But IT IS. For me. To put my thoughts, my family, myself, and my writing out there is huge...and to do it online is even bigger (I am an old fashioned kinda girl...prefer the pen and notepad to the keyboard). So everyday that I sit at the computer and share myself with the world (Okay, it's really like 30 people on a good day, and most of them know me), it's a small way of furthering my dream. Words empower me and make me feel my Old Self.

I would have watched Oprah if you were on it. It was her loss, because she closed her show off to new viewership.

I started painting, again. I'm applying to school to be an art teacher. After leaving school because I was unsure about my future, having 3 kids, getting divorced and I'm not even 30 yet. I'm finally seeing my own path. I always knew it be different from the norm.

So when your show finally airs, you certainly will have me as a viewer.

Where do I start? I was laid off from my work-at-home recruiting job 1 month ago and realized I just couldn't leave my 15 month old in a daycare full-time and head back to an office. I had bought a stroller workout franchise last year as a side job but now I'm gonna focus on it as my full-time gig. And I have just signed on to be a rep for Stella & Dot jewelry because it is ADORABLE, and I believe in it. I feel like right now I need to focus on MY family, be there for the milestones, and raise my son the way I want to. Will I be able to pay my bills? Too soon to tell, but I will do whatever it takes to spend this time with my son. THAT is my dream...be the bext Mommy I can be.

Miranda from Georgia
| 5:00 AM

I sent you my rocky story for one of your first profiles of the economy, and since then, our roller coaster ride has continued.

Not anymore.

We are taking the bull by the horns and opening our own business - a children's consignment store. I'm going to combine helping parents who still have to clothe their children in this economy with my passion for knowing and learning about all the cool nick nacks out there for children.

We're going to support the local SAHMs with children's wares, and provide a place where people can get cash up front for items their children have outgrown, possibly when they need it the most.

And most importantly, we're going to create a position of stability where no one will be laying either of us off again.

To further my dream I am going back to college. This might seem normal to most, but I am a married mom of seven. Of which, I just recently gave birth to twins. Everyone tells me I should be happy and stay at home and bake cookies. I don't feel this way. Why would I tell my children to strive for more if I don't.

Hugs and Mocha,Stesha

dreadpiraterach
| 5:18 AM

Long time reader delurking to say hi! I'm not a mother, but hope to be some day, and I am often inspired by you and your writing.

My dreams have always involved travelling, and wanting to help children in some way. I work at a children's charity, but am giving that up in September to pursue my other dream; travelling. In Sept my man and I will embark on a 6 month trip that I know will change our lives beyond measure.

It is terrifying leaving steady jobs in the current climate but we are trying to be brave! I hope that after our trip I can use my experience of other cultures and new experiences to be better at what I do to help children and young people.

Just watched that British singer wow the entire audience and judges in Britain's got Talent. She's 48, she's chubby, she's ordinary in every way - but her VOICE is awe inspiring... and now she's got Simon behind her and a recording contract in her future.

It's all about slogging it through every day... getting through the little things... and harnessing the "power of small."

Lisa

Amy
| 7:37 AM

I read this post yesterday afternoon and was disappointed for you. I was affected by your tears. Rejection always smarts - ouch.

So you can imagine my delight when I discovered you! gorgeous you! in a full-page ad on page 59 in the May 2009 issue of Oprah. You snuck in there behind their backs and with your glorious smile too!

That's the best kind of subversive, the one that grins and winks and giggles at you...

I usually DON'T watch Oprah b/c it is to contrived. But I happened to catch the show with some of the chicks from www.momversation.com, and I wondered why you weren't there. I think your voice was definitely missing.

the recent post you wrote about talking about your kids all of the time really got me thinking. i feel like i am neither "right" wing picture perfect june cleaver nor unique spirit such as yourself. i feel so lost in mommydom. when i am left with a block of time in which i am not giving myself to my children or my husband i am often asking myself what do I want to do?? which leads to who exactly am i these days?

my goal, although intangable and hard to measure, is simply to find myself again.

Jen
| 8:17 AM

Hi Rebecca, i read you all the time but don't think I've ever commented. I think you are such a "real" Mom because you can explain perfectly (for me anyway) how motherhood is hard and wonderful at the same time. you're not all sunshine and unicorns or all doom and gloom. thank you for that. my dream is for my family (husband and two boys) to pack up a few belongings and move somewhere calm and peaceful where we can get jobs that we love and just be calm. we currently live in a big city and my husband is a police officer and i work full time. so it really is just a dream!

Tawny
| 9:02 AM

Who in the world would want to be classified as a "down the middle mom" anyway?

Here here to all the moms that do look like Juno and are not afraid to express themselves.

Laura
| 9:45 AM

You're too cool for Oprah, anyway!To further my dreams, I am signing up for guitar lessons. Now if only I had a guitar! :-)

First, I call bullshit on the fact that you weren't invited to be on "Oprah." But then, I say, I hate that show! It is one the most contrived, fake venue I've ever known. Thank you for always being sincere.

As for my dreams? *sigh* I wish I knew what they were. I'm struggling to find my way back to me lately, so I can't quite commit to following my dreams. Unless finding myself is my dream...if so, then my first step was asking for a referral to a therapist. Dream-seeking, commence!

lauren
| 10:10 AM

i watched that episode of oprah. i remember being all excited as a brand new mom after seeing the commercial. what a let down. it in no way made me the feel the way i feel when i read your blog. "not the right fit"???makes me mad. makes me want to call up the show and complain and laugh at her for passing up on the coolest chick/mom!i wish you weren't bummed about it but i understand. just remember your following and all the women who are rooting for you and thanking you for just speaking the truth. i love you!

What am I doing today to further my dream? I'm schlepping Avon to my daughter's baton class. Every penny goes towards household purchases like diapers and toilet paper. Every purchase I don't have to draw on our bank account for is $1 or $5 or $10 towards eventually going back to college, finishing my bachelor's in sociology, and in the future having a real full time job so that I can afford to send my kids to the most awesome academically enriched private school in our area, instead of scraping by to save for Kindergarten for DD 2 years from now, and hoping like hell I can land a job at the local gas station while DS is in the free preschool for economically disadvantaged youth.

You know, it really kinda bummed me out to hear that Oprah passed you over. She doesn't know what she's missing! I like Oprah, but I'm definitely more of a Rebecca-Woolf-type-mom than whatever it is they were looking for on the show. So I thought I'd take a stab at a new dream - a campaign to get you on Oprah! Because people need to know that's ok to Parent-Outside-The-White-Picket-Fence, people need to see more people like themselves in the media, people like Oprah, who have a HUGE influence in the media, need to reach out to people like us and maybe learn something from us. We can't all be on Oprah, but maybe you still can.

Many years ago I made a list of my dreams and tucked it into a notebook for the future. Having a child and a home are two which I have achieved. But a meaningful career has eluded me. Rebecca, you are an inspiration, thank you.

Ive been loving this blog for months now and am waiting for my library to FINALLY purchase a copy of your book so I can read it AND stay within my media budget this year (which is so small and sad this year!). I would have actually watched Oprah if you were on it... something I never do for various reasons.

Hmm, furthering my dreams.... that's hard. I still feel like I don't entirely know what I want out of life, other than to be around the people I love so that I can love them! So I guess reading some parenting books today is helping me to do that with my son...learning how to raise a boy seems so foreign to me some days! I figure at 25 I still have lots of time to figure out what other dreams I have to follow.

Wrong fit my patootie. You know why I read your blog, Rebecca? Because you and I are so much alike. And I'm a mom too. I may not be a "down the middle" mom, whatever the eff that means, but I'm a mom nonetheless, and I love my daughter. Screw Oprah.

I signed up for online college and I'm scared! College has always frightened me but with my kids in school next year I'll have time and I know college will get my family and I where we need to go. I'm also in training to run a race in a few months, it's been YEARS since I went running. I finally am starting to feel like there might be more to me then just being someones mom, as much as I love my kids it's great to know I'm still "me" and that I can do this :)

I used to read your blog religiously but 5 months ago I gave birth to my son, he was stillborn, and I had a hard time reading any blogs by happy new moms. I am just now getting back into your blog.

What am I doing to fulfill my dreams? Well, as of November of last year all my dreams and what was important to me drastically changed. Now stillbirth awareness and helping other moms that have been through this horrendous loss are very important to me. I have started a support group for bereaved parents (first of it's kind in our city), first meeting is tonight! I am making up boxes that will be donated to mothers who have just lost a baby and are in the hospital to give birth to them. These boxes will be a sort of care package with things that I hope will make their experience a tiny bit easier. I have donated items to the hospital to be put in the room these mothers are staying in (CD player to drown out the neighbouring room's fetal heart rate monitor, talk about cruel punishment!). I have written a blog of my experience (http://mourningoutloud.blogspot.com/) in the hopes that it will help other moms. I am debating writing a memoir to be published. These are all dreams that are close to my heart as I know firsthand how alone women that lose a child can feel.

Another dream of mine is to be strong and positive and make it through this new pregnancy of mine and deliver a healthy screaming baby in October.

Adrianne
| 2:08 PM

Hey Rebecca!

I watched that episode of Oprah (along with most other episodes; I'm a fan of the Oprah). The whole time I kept thinking, "why isn't Rebecca on this? she'd be PERFECT!" Now that I know you were considered but the "wrong fit", Oprah has lost a few points in my book (I'm sure she's crushed!).

Anyway: my dream. Well I have a LOT of dreams, and don't know which direction my life will take. Ultimately though, my biggest dream has always been to be a mother. Pure and simple. I want to be a mommy. What am I doing to pursue that dream? Why having unprotected sex of course! Ok, well actually, not doing that quite yet. But thinking about it, and planning it, and daydreaming about it:) The hubs and I are trying to get all of our ducks in a row. We're almost there!

I'm guessing you don't want my "advertisement" on your site, but I'd adore a copy of your book! I've driven all over my city (Austin) and no one has it in stock! What's up with that anyway? I assume it's because they just can't keep them on the shelf for long....

happy anniversary to dreams, always.i am excited by your post and "feel like i just seen Rocky." Sort of.

i am a mom of a 2 year old boy (Phoenix), a mom who never thought she'd even have kids. your Fable makes me want to have another, just enough to force me to backspace my way out of her cuteness and BACK UP, BACK AWAY from the keyboard. she is so dear. but you know that.

as for your contest, i write poetry and submit work to journals and sometimes get accepted and sometimes give readings, but am always sleepy as a result. i write poems about bugs and birds and the natural world and growing up in brooklyn and metamorphoses.

"Because the only on-screen pregnant chick I'd ever related to was Juno and she gave her baby away."

YES!

Even before becoming a mom, I turned a wary eye to "mom" in media. She sucked and I didn't want to be her. Middle-of-the-road mom is a myth. If you had landed on Oprah, I would have put Oprah on Tivo and watched for the first time in years. I'm dying for a relatable story. Scratch that...for a REAL story.

Glad you keep pushing to get good stories out there for the real moms of the world. May your efforts be rewarded!

I currently have two big dreams, Motherhood being #1 and the second I'm hoping to announce in the next month or so! I'm just chugging along and hoping for a miracle for #1 and #2, working as much as I can towards it!

I'm not sure there is one "real" mom. And I'm betting that some of the moms on Oprah, and some of the moms the media portrays, are "real" to somebody. Maybe they are real to a lot of somebodies. But of course that doesn't mean they represent everyone. You don't represent me, in that we are very different mothers in many ways, but I still read your blog and I appreciate the difference in perspective it gives me. I don't think that because you are and I are so different, that somehow makes you or your experience less 'real.' My experience has been different than yours--heck, my experience has been different from every other mom's in the world!--but that doesn't mean I can't glean something of worth from your writings.Which is not to defend Oprah and her choices for which mothers to represent--I didn't watch the show, nor have I watched the other tv shows you mentioned--but just to suggest that it's no more fair for you to decide that what you have experienced must be 'real' for everybody than it is for Oprah or some media mogul to.

I watched that Oprah and I sat there thinking the entire time, I wonder why Rebecca Woolf is not on? Frankly, I was slightly peeved by the whole show, and really couldn't relate one bit. I know first hand how hard motherhood is, but really, is it all that bad that we can no longer "run into 711 for a pack of gum"? I think there is so much more to being a mom than its difficulties.

As for furthering the dream, I am on my fifth children's picture book manuscript, and despite numerous rejections so far, I continue to wait and keep writing, hoping one day for that acceptence, that good fit. It's funny you should bring up this topic, I just wrote a post somewhat in the same vein on my blog- how hard it is to keep pursuing that dream amidst rejection letters and no responses.

Congratulations on all your accomplishments, I love to read your work.

I am staying in school longer to achieve my put off dream of going to law school. I could graduate in Dec and do something that I no longer want to do ... but I am going ahead and taking the extra time to do what I want to do. (even after a few years of doubting myself - doubting that I am cut out for law school)

OK, i feel like I'm being really "big" by admitting/confessing this is my dream. However, this seemed to be the perfect place to out myself.I have a small sewing hobby, in which I make children's (mostly little girl) clothing. I make things for my girls, and a few things for friends children. I just recently started selling a few, very limited amount of clothes to a local children's re-sale store. I have been affirmed in my concept of the items I have made, and I would love to expound upon my creations one day. But I know that I would need the support of patrons to allow that to happen. I dream of a small business that allows me to express my creative side, but not at the cost of me trying to be the kind of mother my children need, and what they need is me, just the way I am.thanks for all you "say" and for not confining who you are.

Anonymous
| 8:05 PM

Yes! That is a compliment! It's like American Idol saying you rock too hard to be on their show.

I'm not just saying this, but dude, I'm SO OVER OPRAH. She does not shit sunshine and really, she's waaaay to into herself. I can see how you'd be bummed though because yeah, you don't want to be the wrong fit--harsh. But I totally identify with you and think you're fabulous.

Now don't you feel better? :-)

The timing of this question is fabulous as today I got the ball majorly rolling to launch a new web site I'm starting with a few other blogger friends. I am crazy-proud of it as it was all my initial idea and the brainstorming has been a blast. I'd LOVE to blog and write for a living and while I know a hojillion other people want to do the same thing and there are a TON of great writers out there, I hope that this can inch me one step closer to a stronger presence on the internet. We hope to launch in June just in time for BlogHer! :-)

that oprah had me so fired up! (and i really love oprah.) it made motherhood seem like a punchline. yes it's hard, yes we make mistakes. but wouldn't it be better if we could help each other grow instead of swapping war stories over a (virtual) glass of wine? and don't even get my started on that awful new mommyhood show. do any of the characters even have kids? bleh. i can't wait to watch what you're working on - i'm sure it will be REAL and wonderful.

my dream is to be a bestselling author. (it's kind of scary now that it's right there in black and white. whew.) i want to write books for parents who want to do a great job raising their kids without losing themselves in the process. i'm not exactly sure what that means yet but now that i've written it down, i better get on it...

B. You would have been the best panelist from Momversation on Oprah (no offense to the other ladies)!

C. I have recently opened up not 1 but 2 etsy shops in order to do what I love to do instead of the 40 hour work week that leaves me with dead legs & boredom that does not stop! I must say at first it is very easy to get down on myself...i.e. what is it that I am doing wrong but I believe if I truly believe in what I am doing it'll work & maybe just maybe my dreams really will come true!

D. You are lovely & truly an inspiration! Please continue to write what you know...its the best!

My new years resolution this year was to stop being afraid to live my life. So I'm pursuing my dream of becoming an artist, even though it's not practical AT ALL. I opened up an etsy shop (haven't actually sold anything yet) and I'm taking classes at a community class in evenings while working at a civil engineering job during the day. I'm hoping to quit my job and go back to school full time within a few months. Your blog is always inspiring. Thanks for that!

to me, you're a completely inspirational mother, because i see myself in you. i relate to you because even though i'm not a mom yet (trying, damnit!), i know what it's like to try and meld the worlds of rock and roll and "grown-up-ness". i'm navigating it as we speak.

and yes, someday, i will probably be the most tattooed mommy in the carpool, the one with artfully smudged eyeliner and big funky hairstylist hair that blares NOFX while sitting in the car waiting for the school bell to ring, the one that refuses to dress her babies in silly cartoon character outfits and instead opts for vintage rolling stone onesies and beanies from etsy, but i'm okay with that.

you and i, we're okay with that. and there are others like us, more than most people probably realize, and oprah is missing out on our demographic.

sucks for her.

as for the contest...i'm writing my blog to realize my dream. it's a dream i didn't know i had until i posted my first post.

The only way I would likely watch Oprah is if i knew you were on the show. I am so sorry Oprah made you cry, Rebecca - you are so right that she lacks authenticity and you are very real, and vastly more interesting.

I am following my dream of having children, and I kept my job, and I work every now and then on writing for children. Thanks for asking.

Oprah can kiss my ass! What the hell were they thinking?! Bah. You are better than them.

As for my dream...I'm working on making sure that the American Sign Language Program that I oversee continues to offer ASL and Deaf culture courses to students to satisfy the foreign language requirement. There are cuts being made at the university so I hope that we won't be affected. If we do go on, then my next project is setting up the program in a way that students can minor in ASL. Wish me luck! =D

I started a photography business about 2 years ago. I knew absolutely nothing about being a photographer or running a business at the time. In fact, all I knew was that I paid $300 for crappy pics of my brand-new baby boy at Sears and there had to be something better out there. When I couldn't find it, I decided that I'd be the "something better".

Today I'm catching up on some Photoshop work, then in about an hour I'm heading over to a local dance studio to shoot their dress rehearsal and individual dancer pics. It'll be a long evening and a ton of post-processing work, but I'll make about $2K from the gig, which is loads more than I ever expected to make when I did my first session two years ago for $25. :o)

Dreams can turn into reality. I'm doing about 12 shoots a week now and two weddings a month, working very part-time, staying home with my little boy during the day, and making more than twice what I would with the teaching degree I never got around to using. Dreams happen. But you have to MAKE them happen. You have to be willing to put yourself out there and work your butt off and live on three hours of sleep a night. But in the end, I think it's worth it. I hope it's worth it. It sure seems like it is.

Oh, and I'm going to my first-ever salsa lesson tonight, something I've wanted to do ever since I spent a summer touring Central and South America when I was 16. I literally could not sleep last night because I was so excited about it. :o)

I'm trying to figure out what my dream is! I just had a baby (4 weeks old on Wednesday), I have 30 hours of school left to finish my bachelor's degree, I have a fairly successful career path established... but what do I WANT to be when I grow up? I'm still trying to figure that out, but in the meantime, I am learning how to be a momma and that's enough for me!

P.S. I don't normally watch, buuut I was so hoping to see you on Oprah!

Anonymous
| 6:41 PM

I just happened to finish your book the same day as your post after receiving it 2 days before. It really spoke to me and I thank you for your honesty. The "wrong fit" argument is the reason why we moms are so hard on ourselves and sometimes each other. I was not a young mom like you (I just had my second and I am 33), but I can totally relate to the isolation that motherhood can bring. My sister and I talk about the people we were before we had children. Those two sisters are gone now, but we have reinvented ourselves without sacrificing ourselves completely. I think that's the balance you have to strike when you have children. As for "what I want to be when I grow up", I still have not determined an answer to that question, but I want my sons to know that mommy had a successful career before they were born and she still has a lot to offer.

It is fantastic to hear someone say what you just said/wrote. I am not a "down-the-middle" mom...I am a 23-year-old PhD student who had just moved across the country (from LA to Connecticut) and whose husband had just started his own photography business when she found out that she was pregnant. "Are you dropping out of school?" was the most common question that I got during the first few months. Family, friends and teachers would all ask...acting like they had no idea how insulting that was to me. Of COURSE I am going to stay in school...I am going to stay in everything that I am in...and I am going to do it with a baby.So what am I doing to follow my dreams? For the moment I'll just keep on keepin' out (hopefully without going crazy)...and finish all of the things that I have started while (fingers crossed) learning how to care for this new little girl that I already love so much. She is due June 2nd...and I cannot imagine how much my life is about to change...but I am excited, and I feel much more capable than people seem to think I am.

You are as real as it gets and you have done more to make moms feel great about being "normal" than any medication could do. You rock. Fuck 'em if anyone tells you different.

Grace
| 9:25 PM

More than anything I want to become a stand up comic. And I want to have a baby. On my own! Which will happen first? I don't know, but i'm excited about both. I'm about to "give birth" to a Master's Degree in about a month and I'm damn proud of myself. And speaking of proud...

I am proud of you and I don't even know you! You have accomplished so much and followed your dreams even though you've had doors shut tight in your face. I've been there, done that and expect more doors to be shut in my face before I'm done with this world. Who is standing on the other side of those doors anyway? They must not be having much fun if we aren't there... hmmm.

Thank you for this post! I tried to watch "In the Motherhood" and felt like an outsider. I wish you success on your next project. Myself, well, I will be starting grad school in the fall for theatre costume design. A track that I realize will be grueling. (As far as I know, all MFA programs are full-time and take 3 years; plus rehearsals and shop hours eat up free time.) I know that when I'm done though, I'll be better prepared to take care of my family (partner and 3 year old son), and I'll be living my dream (since the age of 10!) of being a designer.

I watched that episode of Oprah, and I thought you would have made a great addition to the panel. I enjoy your non middle of the road life and approach to mothering.To continue to further my dream, I dance every day. I am thankful that I have found a means to keep dancing and performing even though I thought my childhood dream of being a professional dancer was long gone.

Enjoyed your post. I have just started reading your blog and I will be back! Good luck to you with your script. It is true that we are all different moms, thank goodness. But one thing I have learnt since being a mom is that everyone wants us to be like them. Thus all the unwanted advice.

What am I doing today to further my dream? Thinking about how we can get buy on one income and still pay our mortage so that we can take turns staying at home with the kids.Because they are pretty awesome.

That totally blows. Seriously. Like it's been said a gazillion times - there IS no "normal" fit when it comes to anything in life that's real, that involves humanity. People are quirky. Events get out of hand. Life chances....and what's what makes it life. That's what makes us human (and, by extension, mothers).

I'd cry, too, if I were in your shoes. I've definitely cried over less obviously stated snubs.

My dream, similar to yours, of "being a writer" - I graduate in June with my MFA in creative writing...The requirements for graduation leave me with just half of a novel. But I'm finishing it anyway, even if it gets me no extra points in school, or no publication nibbles. Just because. If I'm a writer who doesn't write, then what's the point?

You're my kind of people - know you or not the fact remains there are hundreds of people who commented on one of your recent posts about not fitting in. I would venture to say there were hundreds that didn't comment but attempted to read through all the hell yeahs and pumped their fist in solidarity knowing they are not in the minority. Thanks for being you/sharing your stories, your family, your point of view - with out it we wouldn't know that we fit too. I don't have a leather jacket circa 19anything or anything freshly pressed for that matter.

That Oprah show was missing: YOU! I saw it and was disappointed by the overall content. What could have been a balls-out, honest, make-you-feel-like-you're-not-alone show turned out to be a big disappointment. I half wondered if the show had no real heart because Oprah isn't a mother herself? If she was one, I have to think she would have put more thought into it. Oh well, you are an amazing writer and mother and you inspire me to be more creative and honest in this whole mothering gig. Keep up the good work.

I thinks its ridiculously gross that Oprah's "people" considered you the "wrong fit". Actually, I never watch her show but saw that "mommy episode" thanks to my mom Tivo'ing it for me. I have that show to thank for me finding you through a series of clicks starting with www.dooce.com. I had never heard of her or dooce.com before Oprah';s show. I guess I was hiding under a rock or something.

As I clicked through the various mommy blogs that Oprah had brought to my attention I found that NONE of them spoke to me. I know those ladies are your friends but seriously, none of them "did IT" for me.

Then....I found you.....

I replayed the Tivo of that Oprah show and I kept wondering "where the hell is Rebecca?". Now I know what happened and i say pssshhhhh to them. They don't know a good thing!

You go with your bad self. Keep on doing it the way you are doing it and make the mold fit you not the other way around!

This was totally off the topic but I wanted to tell you all of that.

On to the matter at hand (even though you will probably never read this). I have so many dreams. I love being a mom. I have an 8 month old little boy and having him gave me new life and also some death at the same time. LOL Sleep deprivation has definitely taken it's toll but I love him so much I could squeeze hi till hi head popped off.

I work for a food/lifestyle mag now called Every Day with Rachael Ray. I started my own Family Friendly Food blog because I love to feed people. I hope it can go somewhere someday....as in maybe a cookbook. Even if it doesnt go anywhere I know it;s somewhere as long as its helping families eat together.

Good Luck.

I really wish you were in NYC, we seem really similar. Right down to us both wishing for older bros. My first born is a son and i hope that one day he will have a little sis just like Archer and Fable.

My blog:www.takebackthetable.blogspot.com

oxoxoC

Anonymous
| 9:12 PM

I can see why Oprah wouldn't pick you. The did choose mid 30's moms who are "typical." This was not a show about out of the ordinary moms. It was wonder bread/white bread/no waves bread moms. Too bad. But, yeah, you'd be too much to throw at the audience that watches Oprah. People like "safe." And, you're you...but not the safety Oprah wants. Not a slam on you, at all, b/c you are what makes your writing so beautiful, and has saved me on many a lonely day, cuz I don't fit in. Glad you didn't get on OPrah, b/c that led to this post that saved me today...you save me over and over again. Thank you for your true writing. What a beautiful person you are. Your kids are gonna love you so much when they're teenagers....I wish you would've been my mom.

Today I am in Byron Bay on the mid north coast of Australia on holidays with my three kids and JUST FINISHED ROCKABYE.Bought it on Amazon.Loved it. Love your blog.And I don't even want a prize. I just wanted to tell you that.Thank you.

I've been working my ass off on a novel with twisted southern characters. I'm slowly attempting to further my dream. I'm also defending myself from the comments of family members and others that wonder why I am writing a novel when I spent the last years of my life earning a degree in biochemistry.

k, i know this is an old post but i just want to say hallelujah! i just found your blog a week ago. you rock my face off. totally love your words. totally love your imperfect. but oh-so-perfect pictures. perhaps its because i am 26 and have 2 kids (22 months and 6 months) and the first one was a total surprise (when i was in the throws of bar-hopping etc)...and the second one to be totally honest. but anyway...i've already ordered your book. can't wait to read it in 1 sitting, i'm guessing. tried, try, trying to write a book myself. we'll see...together in sisterhood!!