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Monday, March 30, 2009

I have never been envious in my life so far. Not on anyone/anything. I just brush it off. Or so, I thought.

I got bowled over last week. I had such jealousy, that it boiled and made me bitter all over. I was spilling it over on my looks, my words, my thoughts, and so on my actions, and what not! I feel embarassed to accept it, and even to share it, but it has just humbled me and made me realise, I am so easily susceptible to envy/anger/hatred. Its just under my nose!

It all started when I reached home, after 4 months. I had loads of stories to tell, and no one was ready to listen. My favorite name, was used else where. You may find it irritating, but that's the truth. I was mad at my 10mth old nephew, Adam. A Superman, by nature weighing 13.5 kg and so very adorable and cute, that he captures everyone's heart and basks in the limelight.

I still find it hard. It is a biting truth that humbles me to surrender my 'self' every moment on the cross and take a dip in his love or risk Meulah growing into a monster in a jiffy!

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Disclaimer: This is a personal note, just for me. It contains minor stuff, which are silly. So plz skip it.

I hate change with all my heart. But in 4months, I have had a rollercoaster ride, in all aspects, and I have enjoyed it. Now, as I un-learn lot of things, to get back to my old normal life, I look back to see what I saw different ..physically, emotionally, spiritually.... Here I go!

Getting back to an(my) apmt with no furniture, no bed, and no tv, no one to talk to, but fastest internet, I've ever seen. Drinking water from the tap. Wearing socks and shoes everywhere. Eating with fork( No spoon!). Milk from a bottle. Tea/rice/pappad from the microwave. Coke, with a glass full of ice. No water, but just tissues in the lu. Tubs and no buckets. Freeway, lanes, complex bridges,rules followed to the book. No one to talk to, in my own native tongue. Unlimited cool drinks in all restaurants. Food that would cost to treat for the entire family, you have on yr plate. Everyone smiles. In the parking lot, in the elevator, in the park! Walk in the park next to my apmt. The walk over the road, on a single trail bridge. The bright sunny day,yet with the cold shivering wind. You never sweat. Wild flowers by the roadside. Cars that are so comfy. ( I was shocked to see our car, back home. It seems shrunken!!). Walgreen, Kroger, Walmart, Target- just seem to have everything under the sun. Ice tea, pizzas,burgers, hot dogs,cream, cheese, chips,meat, salads are so common. The long walk to the church in 40F (4 deg C). The hugs. The no -hunt for a seat in a packed church. Shirts and pants -loved it!. Hair let loose( Cousin itt), and never braided....You drive everywhere. No bus, no train, no powercut, no dust, clean air, clean roads , no messy traffic jams, no crowded trains/buses... no flowers on hair..there are many more....

I was caught offbalance, when the tall handsome and talkative pastor gave me a hug, the first day I was at his Church, to be precise within 15 mins of meeting him/entering into the church.

For someone, who comes from a culture, where even a handshake with the opp sex is not that welcome, a hug was way too weird. During the service, when he again told the entire congregation to steal a hug, it was a surprise, to see everyone standing in the aisle to 'steal' a hug, with all. It was strange to be touched and loved by strangers, who I was just seeing the first time!

A Hug has a healing touch. It I believe 1. lays down your own defenses 2.With open arms, invites (ie) says I accept you, as you are,not caring abt yr religion/culture or race. And this I believe is ONLY possible, when you have God in you to give it.Remember the prodigal story? A love ( I love you)embrace. A healing touch, which touches your soul and soothens your heart and reaches beyond your longings and desires. Oh what joy to be held in loving embrace. I enjoy being hugged and giving hugs now.

So God hugged me, through strangers(His family), to let me know that He cares, He loves and is crazy about me and that I am never lost from His sight. Yup, am a hugster now!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

When I hate people, they hate me back. When I am angry, people are angry. When I am irritated, people are irritated and touchy. when I am proud, people are always proud themselves.When I get mad, people are mad around me. When I backbite, people backbite at me. When I gossip, people gossip around me. It works this way ALL the time.( AND vice versa too! )

When I smile, people smile back. When I am kind, people are kind.When I am gentle, people are gentle to me. When I help others, people help me. When I am humble, people are humble themselves. When I love people, people love me back. Not applicable with most people. It sounds farfetched. But if I do it, without expectation, it WORKS! I have learnt that, that's how God treats us. ALWAYS with UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. And He never gives up on me!

So when I get a frown, for my smile/ a proud look, when I am humble/hatred and anger and a crude look, when I love them, its OKAY. I need to show/reflect a piece of God's unconditional love. I should smile/be gentle/be kind/be humble/love, not because I love them, but because God loves them a LOT.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

I saw this interesting T-shirt on 2 elderly people. It was inspiring. I wanted to show that to mom. Complete strangers. To ask or not to ask for a picture! I struggled. I loitered. I sat still for nearly 15 mins. I saw them leave. Oops! you let them go! I chided myself. I saw them again. Should I? I followed the man.

The man turned around. He was surprised. He also pointed, and said, that's Justin. I was talking to the granddad of the kid, who had leukemia when he was 6. That's his journey. I am glad that I walked over to talk to him. To see the fighting spirit of a family.And that of a child.

We had just finished our 3 mile walk arranged by the Big love Cancer Care in memory of Brooke, a child who passed away due to Leukemia 2 years ago.They were raising funds for the affected children.I looked around. There were kids playing, jumping around. There were stalls, games,food,families and friends like us.

I realised, above the fun, the laughter, there was pain, fear, suffering, the struggle, the fight, battle won/ongoing/lost. What is amazing is that, I could feel love, hope and faith reigning supreme.ABOVE ALL.

God bless those kids, the families, the doctors, the nurses, and all those who were there towards that 3 things in life for those kids.

If someone stabs me, I have 2 choices. stab back or just remain numb. The former results in 2 people getting hurt and wounded. The latter is just me. What do I normaly do? -Lesson from Mike' bro.

When in an argument, if I would step back and contemplate, what and why the other person is upset about, 'a thing, a someone, or a place' , I will realise, that its obviously because of the vaccum. They dont have what I have. My life is not dependent on ' a thing, a someone, or a place' !Now that I know, what's missing, its time to help them see it in the right perspective. Way to do it is strip things down to the bare minimum and help them see the truth. ( The process gets you to reflect love all over) - Lesson from Mike's boss.

I struggle with life, when I am not listening to Him. I wrestle my way(like the first week in Houston). When I work with Him, its a piece of cake! Not that you will have easy life. But the tough life/storm will be light . Matthew 11:30. -Lesson from Mike himself.

I have it all in me! He lives in me! Romans 8:9,Galatians 2:20;1 John 2:14;1 John 4:12. and I've got to release Him and not suppress him! The treasure within!

Sunday, March 1, 2009

It caught my eye, as I was walking with my manager,across a book shelf in office. Gung Ho is Chinese for 'Working togethar' made as popular slogan during World War II, to mean "boundless energy, enthusiasm, energy and dedication applied to some task". Its a must read book, and for the benefit of those who don't read books, I am condensing the 170 page book here.

It's about a declining company, about to be shut down, and how the worker's 'Gung Ho' made the same company thrive and even make the White house appreciate their efforts. There are 3 steps, that you learn from watching the Squirrels, Beavers and the Geese.

Spirit of the Squirrels -Worthwhile work. 1. You make the world a better place, understanding not work; people not units.2. Have shared goals. Build TRUST.Say the truth.Goals which are understood and agreed upon, not forced.3. Values. Live your values.Values are the real boss.

Way of the Beaver- In control of achieving goals.1.Know your territory, role of each one clearly defined and let them play2.organisation allow and support people .Information should be shared. Value indivuduals as persons.3 give people challenging job.A fair day job. Not more.not less..else u demean them

Gift of the Goose-Cheering each other on.1.Active/Passive congratulations must be TRUE. (Timely, Responsive, Unconditional, Enthusiastic2.Cheer the progress, not just the end. It should be spontaneous, individual,specific and unique rather than programmed, blanket,general or traditional .3.E=mc2 Enthusiasm equals mission times cash and congratulations.

It's a beautiful story. If our spirit dies at the office door, its hi time we follow the squirrels, beavers and the geese to have Gung Ho in our life. "Gung Ho, Friend."

I was new to the city, the team at work, the working environment, the people, not to mention the culture, the lifestyle, the weather, the food, the way people dress up and so much more. I was feeling lonely.

That's when the Candy did the trick. Right across my desk, was a table with 2 glass jars and a huge tray filled with colorful candies. No matter, how hard I tried, I couldn't find out how it got there and who ate it all. The tray was full and overflowing in the morning, and empty in the evening.

Unable to hold it any longer, I asked Therese, whose desk is across mine, about this. It was for everyone. So, that became my habit. I pick one new variety a day and that would be handful! ;) Boy, they are so delicious. It might sound weird, but there have been days, when I get up from bed in the morning, and hate going to work. That's when I remember the candy desk, and the exciting new flavours and taste. and then I get all pumped up to go to work!! :)

Talk about hope! Something to look forward to ;) God bless Therese for her love for SCIites. Every day, every week, all through the year. Drop in, to 1919 3rd floor. She won't fail you!

Btw, I had to come to terms with this. This is hope. Not expectations.