This isn't the easiest post for me to write. To be perfectly honest, it wasn't that easy to get myself together to prepare this week's posts. After being gone for so long, not updating here for over a month, part of me certainly wondered why I was even bothering at all. I considered it might be easier to just let Little Den drift into the place where un-updated blogs go to languish, and stay in bed instead.

A little over two weeks ago, my boyfriend of almost three years left for Notre Dame Law School. With this huge change headed our way, it was easy to dismiss my blog for the time being, thinking I'll get back to it! and devoting myself to enjoying the last month of him being at home. But I discovered that after he left, I still didn't feel like doing, well, much of anything. In our era of such female empowerment, can-do-anything attitude, I think it can be hard to admit that we need someone, particularly when it comes to the absence of a significant other. When some people hear about my new long distance relationship status, it's met with statements like you'll have time to do whatever you want! and but you're going to get to see him on all of his breaks! Both of which are true, so I found myself nodding in agreement instead of saying what I really felt, which is something a lot more like but I'm lonely. I truly do feel as though I can accomplish whatever I set my mind to, and I know that I can do it on my own; I have learned, however, that those abilities don't negate the importance of a significant bond. For some time, I felt ashamed of needing someone, like I wasn't doing something right. I was embarrassed to admit that I wasn't totally okay with going it alone, and that made me feel even more powerless. Then, I had the great fortune of reading an article in the most recent Darling magazine which struck a chord with me, illuminating a giant light bulb over my head.

The moral of the story? Needing someone and being needy aren't the same thing.

By realizing that I could cop to my desire to have my boyfriend back home while simultaneously being incredibly proud and happy for him, I felt remarkably released from this sort of bad-feminist-esque guilt trip I had sent myself on. I figured out that as long as I wasn't whining, complaining, not meeting up to my duties, or making things more difficult for the people around me (ie, making my boyfriend feel bad for moving to Indiana), I was doing okay. It's normal to be bummed out.

Today I will... do good work, not waste time, be kind, let it go, make it happen, love one another.

I keep this print by the door now, to remember what doesn't get sacrificed in my times of being bummed out. While I may be allowed to stay in on a Friday night or binge watch episodes of the X-Files instead of getting all of my laundry done and even get sad when cooking breakfast for one, it doesn't mean I'm allowed to become a slave to my emotions. That's being needy. I can say I need some girlfriend time without being needy; I don't get to mope about my issues the whole time, because that's definitely needy.

This flag is another reminder I love having in my home; while I can't wait to take it out on an adventure, I equally love having it because it reminds me not to remain stagnant. It reminds me to get my butt out of bed in the morning, to try cooking new things, to catch up with friends; it reminds me to keep growing, to keep exploring.