Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we don’t go to our original magazine store, our recently shuttered backup magazine store, or the second backup magazine store that’s close to the office but only has the tabloids 30 percent of the time, and instead try something a little different because it’s Senior Week.

This week, I’m not going to tell you what’s in the tabloids because I didn’t buy them. I’m going to ask you—this feature’s loyal readers—what your dream tabloid headline is.