How to handle dating and breast cancer

lizzib4u2

Posts: 1
Joined: Sep 2012

Sep 28, 2012 - 7:21 pm

I am single and had to have trans flap reconstruction this past year. This was my second time I have had a reaccurance of breast cancer. I have a lot of scars now and a breast that does not quite look right. This procedure has taken a toll on my self esteem. How to I overcome it and how to tell someone about it?

Hi. I had a lumpectomy and one breast looks VERY different from the other. I am almost 60 and divorced and the relationship I was in during my treatment ended last year. I have done some dating but nothing serious enough that I felt I had to tell of my " differene". I think you will know when the time is right and when you are with someone you trust to understand. I'm happy you are doing so well with your health.

Hi,
Just wanted to share that I have done some research and field work on this subject. My experience tells me that it seems best to disclose within the first few dates. That's how I would want to be treated, at least. Most of my friends tell me not to say anything to my date, but see if there is chemistry first. However, I think that it is a case by case basis.

In the past, I have said simply that I am a breast cancer survivor. (thinking that they would want to know the details, but they usually do not, so it may be alot easier than it seems.) I miss my confidence so have stopped dating until I have it back.
BC is a good radar as it eliminates the weak ones right away.

I agree with hope4the best, if you are with someone who isn't one of the weak ones, I feel I would want to tell within the first few dates...I wouldn't tell someone I hardly know that I have nasty stretch marks or about my meds for anxiety and depression but as I feel comfortable I would be more than willing to talk about my breast cancer as I am proud to be a survivor and to have such a great sister,( and brother ) hood around me that I would want to be the picky one.

I agree with hope4the best, if you are with someone who isn't one of the weak ones, I feel I would want to tell within the first few dates...I wouldn't tell someone I hardly know that I have nasty stretch marks or about my meds for anxiety and depression but as I feel comfortable I would be more than willing to talk about my breast cancer as I am proud to be a survivor and to have such a great sister,( and brother ) hood around me that I would want to be the picky one.

I guess I am one of them that thinks to not tell all on the first few dates (unless you plan on getting naked right away),
I used to watch a show called Millionaire Match Maker. Patty was excellent at giving dating advice. One of the suggestions she had was to not give out all your hardships right away. These people were millionaires and even the gold diggers would turn them down (men and women).
Good people could be scared off right away if you tell them all your bad stuff. Case in point, my now significant other. I didn't tell him right away that I have an incurable STD.I let him get to know me and then told me.He is the perfect man for me. He was and is so wonderfully thoughtful and caring. (four months after we met I found the cancerous lump). While we were talking about the STD, he told me that had I told him right away, he probably would not have agreed to meet me in person, and that he was glad I waited.

I think that is too much information to give a person on the first date. If they choose not to see you anymore, it may not be that they are weak and can't handle it. They don't know you, don't know how special you are.All they see is a woman with cancer. Even friends and family some times can't handle cancer.How can we expect someone we just met?

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