A List of One: Reasons Carl Paladino Can’t Possibly Be Homophobic, According to Carl Paladino’s Campaign

The big, buzzy news this morning concerns one Carl Paladino, the tempestuous Tea Party–affiliated candidate vying for the New York governorship. At a fundraiser yesterday in Brooklyn, New York, Paladino told an audience of Orthodox Jews, “I just think my children and your children would be much better off and much more successful getting married and raising a family, and I don’t want them brainwashed into thinking that homosexuality is an equally valid and successful option—it isn’t.” He later instructed reporters covering the event, “Don’t misquote me as wanting to hurt homosexual people in any way. That would be a dastardly lie.” There were no reported injuries. To clarify said dastardly lie, he took to the Today show this morning. He explained that his remarks were simply a word of caution to parents considering taking their (possibly gay, possibly prideful) children to any pride parades, which, Paladino warned, historically involves wearing “Speedos and grinding against each other.” These new comments will likely incite another round of enraged remarks from gay leaders, and probably provoke another tortured exegesis from the Paladino camp, which has already sought to combat any charges of homophobia with the following piece of evidence. Herewith, a List of One: Reasons Carl Paladino Can’t Possibly Be Homophobic, According to Carl Paladino’s Campaign, as reported by the Times.

“His campaign manager, Michael R. Caputo, denied assertions that Mr. Paladino was antigay, and noted that he employed a gay man on his campaign staff.”