The Last Chronicle of Barset eBook

’The bishop and I both feel that this most unfortunate
man must not under any circumstances be allowed to
perform the services of the Church while this charge
is hanging over him—­a charge as to the truth
of which no sane man can entertain a doubt.’

‘I’m afraid not, Mrs Proudie,’ said
Mr Thumble.

’The bishop and I therefore are most anxious
that you should make Mr Crawley understand at once—­at
once,’ and the lady, as she spoke, lifted up
her hand with an eloquent violence which had its effect
on Mr Thumble, ’that he is inhibited,’—­the
bishop shook in his shoes—­’inhibited
from the performance of any of his sacred duties.’
Thereupon, Mr Thumble promised obedience and went his
way.

CHAPTER XII

MR CRAWLEY SEEKS FOR SYMPATHY

Matters went very badly indeed in the parsonage at
Hogglestock. On the Friday morning, the morning
of the day after his committal, Mr Crawley got up
very early, long before the daylight, and dressing
himself in the dark, groped his way downstairs.
His wife having vainly striven to persuade him to
remain where he was, followed him into the cold room
below with a lighted candle. She found him standing
with his hat on and with his old cloak, as though
he were prepared to go out. ’Why do you
do this?’ she said. ’You will make
yourself ill with the cold and the night air; and
then you, and I too, will be worse than we now are.’

’We cannot be worse. You cannot be worse,
and for me it does not signify. Let it pass.’

’I will not let you pass, Josiah. Be a
man and bear it. Ask God for strength, instead
of seeking it in an over-indulgence of your own sorrow.’

‘Indulgence!’

’Yes, love;—­indulgence. It
is indulgence. You will allow your mind to dwell
on nothing for a moment but your own wrongs.’

’What else have I that I can think of?
Is not all the world against me?’

‘Am I against you?’

’Sometimes I think you are. When you accuse
me of self-indulgence you are against me—­me,
who for myself have desired nothing but to be allowed
to do my duty, and to have bread enough to keep me
alive, and clothes to make me decent.’

’Is it not self-indulgence, this giving way
to grief? Who would know so well as you how
to teach the lesson of endurance to others? Come,
love. Lay down your hat. It cannot be fitting
that you should go out into the wet and cold of the
raw morning.’

For a moment he hesitated, but as she raised her hand
to take his cloak from him he drew back from her,
and would not permit it. ’I shall find
those up whom I want to see,’ he said. ’I
must visit my flock, and I dare not go through the
parish by daylight lest they hoot after me as a thief.’

‘Not one in Hogglestock would say a word to
insult you.’

’Would they not? The very children in
the school whisper at me. Let me pass, I say.
It has not yet come to that, that I should be stopped
in my egress and ingress. They have—­bailed
me; and while their bail lasts, I may go where I will.’