Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Putting today in a box...because that's how we roll

Rockin' the rollin'

See this little love nugget pictured above? She rolls. Yep! Hannah officially rolled over from her back to her stomach this morning. She has rolled from stomach to back before because sometimes she gets a little peeved at tummy time, and I thought perhaps she had gone back to stomach before because she's mysteriously made it onto her stomach when I wasn't looking, but since I didn't witness it live it didn't count. But this morning she definitely rolled over from back to stomach, and then this evening she did it again. BIG girl! I guess this means I need to start baby-proofing the house, right? I like to get ahead of myself.

Speaking of myself, I have had a few good days in a row now and I think that's pretty great. I'm scared to jinx it by admitting that I might be feeling better, but I need to learn how to encapsulate today into a little box all on its own and just be grateful for today, not fearing tomorrow or any day in the future, because today is all I know. Everything else is out of my control. I struggle with the concept of living in the moment and not having control sometimes. OK, a lot of times. I think a lot of us do.

But, I've decided to work harder at putting today in a box and staying there. Today is good.

Today my baby accomplished a milestone that I got to witness, and I wanted to hug her and hold her and somehow get across the message to her that I was proud of her. That I am going to be proud of every little milestone she meets.

Today I went to work and accomplished a fair amount. I had nice conversations with good people who genuinely care about others. I ran an errand with my friend Shayne and shared a great lunch with her (including the world's most delicious turkey burger, homemade chips, and chocolate chip and peanut butter cookie...my absolute favorite lunchtime meal that is surprisingly made in our simple little corporate cafeteria).

Today I did everything I could not to think about how I was feeling. I was tired because Hannah got up at 3:30 and 5:30 for feedings last night, but I didn't let myself dwell on how I felt. I kept myself busy and content.

Now I sit on my love seat with my favorite show of all time, Friends, on in the background as my angel naps on a blanket on the floor and my dog stares at me from the couch. Today is very good.

Random additional realization today: My blog background color scheme was depressing. I didn't intend it to be that way just because I have been experiencing postpartum depression. I actually just really liked the way the vibrant blue popped against the black background. I realize now that the colors were communicating a really melancholy tone, so I've opted for a nice, refreshing white background instead. I hope you like.