Traitor's Don Cheadle on his Final Day

Will you be going to heaven or hell?I’ll be going to heaven, because I already put in my reservation. As expensive as it was, I really hope they don’t revoke it when I get there.

In Traitor you play a possible turncoat. What was your biggest betrayal?Probably that I didn’t become a jazz musician. I’m trying to rectify that a little bit now.

Other than Paul Rusesabagina in Hotel Rwanda, what other historical heroes do you wish you had portrayed?Not many. I’d rather do pretend people. You can make more stuff up.

If you could come back and spy on someone who’s still alive, who would it be? Tiger Woods probably. Just to see if at night he takes his head off and he’s actually a robot.

Was there anyone on earth you wanted to punch in the face?There’s a scrolling Rolodex of people I’ve wanted to punch in the face. I wouldn’t mind being able to hit Dick Cheney. I don’t want to go hunting with him afterward, though.

What’s your last meal?Macaroni and cheese and chitterlings. People are going to be like, “Are you kidding me?”

Would you ever consider being buried in your Boogie Nights wardrobe?No, surprisingly, unless all my family that would’ve been coming to the funeral were already dead. That’d be the only way.

Do porn stars make it up to heaven?Every day.

Thinking about Ocean’s eleven, what heist would you like to pull off before you die?I’d like to rip off a major Hollywood studio for $500 billion and do every movie I want to do.

What’s the wildest thing you ever did while you were alive?Being chased by a rhino on foot was pretty uncomfortable and very wild…and almost fatal.