Case Number 00331

GODZILLA VS. SPACEGODZILLA/GODZILLA VS. DESTOROYAH

The Charge

If I called these movies "Men In Rubber," would you promise not to
take it the wrong way?

Opening Statement

Columbia delivers two "real" Godzilla movies on the same disc. If
that's enough to excite you, continue reading. If the mere thought of watching
guys in latex suits destroying cardboard sets annoys you, then move along.

The Evidence

I grew up without the benefit of one of those late night shows that only
plays really bad horror flicks. So, even though I was aware of their existence,
I never really got to see any of the classic Godzilla movies until I forced my
co-workers to endure a Sci-Fi Channel marathon one Saturday at the electronics
store where I used to work. The marathon didn't necessarily make me a fan, as
you'll soon see.

Godzilla Vs. Space Godzilla and Godzilla Vs. Destoroyah aren't
exactly "classic" Godzilla movies. They were released in Japan in 1994
and 1995, respectively. To my knowledge, neither was released theatrically in
the United States. They are classics in the sense that they retain the look and
feel of the old Godzilla movies. That is, the monsters look like foam rubber
suits, there's heavy use of rear projection, and the special effects have all
the polish of an episode of "The Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers." (I
know, they're not popular anymore; the closest I get to children's TV
programming is when I catch the tail-end of "Pokémon" on my way
to watching "Batman Beyond" on Saturday mornings.) By comparing
running times, it appears that the US DVD release avoids trimming the Japanese
release (like many other Asian imports), but naturally the dialogue is very
badly dubbed.

The plots, as you may expect, are very thin. In Godzilla Vs. Space
Godzilla, Godzilla faces a version of itself that...well, I'll let the
official Godzilla database describe it: "G-cells [short for "Godzilla
Cells"] from Biollante [a mutant form of Godzilla that appeared in a 1989
film], floating through space, enter a black hole where they absorb cosmic
energy and combine with a crystalline life form to create Space Godzilla.
Emerging from a white hole, this hybrid beast embarks on a campaign of terror
throughout the galaxy." Godzilla also must face government hunters who want
to kill him, telepathic researchers, and a giant robot built by the United
Nations that looks like the unpleasant mating of a penguin and that
tunnel-drilling thing from Total Recall (it can even drill tunnels, so
maybe the look is more than a coincidence). By the end of the movie, Tokyo has
been demolished, Godzilla has saved the day, and those who wanted to kill the
giant mutant have learned the values of truth, love, and environmental
conservation.

Godzilla Vs. Destoroyah is a sequel of sorts to Godzilla Vs. Space
Godzilla. If you thought the "scientific" explanation for the
existence of Space Godzilla sounded hokey, wait 'til you get a load of this one.
The island where Godzilla was found in Godzilla Vs. Space Godzilla has
since melted down due to the "pure uranium" it contained. The meltdown
caused a reaction in Godzilla, who now glows like a Christmas tree. The only
weapon to stop him is "micro-oxygen" -- oxygen molecules that have
been made smaller. However, micro-oxygen had been used before, and had caused
dirt to mutate into unstoppable crablike monsters (that have retractable,
smaller mouths that bear a striking resemblance to a certain Alien designed by
H.R. Giger). The unstoppable crablike monsters combine (very Power
Rangers-style) into Destoroyah. So, the researchers have to stop Destoroyah and
keep Godzilla's overactive nuclear reactor heart from reaching meltdown
temperature. The latter is accomplished with the aid of a suspiciously
unaerodynamic model...err, I mean aircraft that is equipped with cold lasers and
cadmium grenades. By the end of the movie, Tokyo has been demolished, Godzilla
has saved the day, and those who wanted to kill the giant mutant have learned
the values of truth, love, and environmental conservation.

It's nice that Columbia packaged two movies on one disc. Unfortunately,
that's pretty much the extent of what's nice about this DVD. There are no extras
whatsoever. The only dialogue option is the badly dubbed English, which is
presented in stereo. The stereo track does have nice frequency range, and pans
with the action. Both movies are presented in 1.85:1 anamorphic, which matches
their original film format. That puzzles me though, because certain scenes
looked like they had been severely cropped, such as the title card to
Godzilla Vs. Space Godzilla. I didn't notice any digital defects in the
picture, but I'm not saying the picture quality was great. Both movies have the
1970s overexposed look, and overall are very grainy, especially in shots
involving miniatures (in other words, during virtually any "special
effects" shot during the movies).

The Rebuttal Witnesses

I'm sure that someone out there is thinking that I don't "get"
these Godzilla movies. I do. The lame special effects, poor dubbing, and cheesy
plots are all part of what make these movies popular. I sure liked them better
than the brain-dead multiplex fodder that audiences were forced to endure in the
summer of 1998, but I didn't exactly fall under the movies' charms.

Columbia could have done two things to make this disc more appealing. One,
both movies are short enough that they could have been put on one side of a
dual-layered disc. They managed to put two aspect ratios of Blue Streak
on a dual-layered disc, plus a Dolby Digital 5.1 track plus a wealth of special
features. Ditto for Trimark's The Big Lebowski. Both of those discs
retail for around the same price as this Godzilla double disc. Two, I'd like to
see foreign imports include the original dialogue tracks. I was very glad to see
Run Lola Run, Life Is Beautiful, and Ghost In The Shell
include that feature, but to their credit each of those can be called good
movies. Personally (and I'm sure others feel the same way), I'd rather read
subtitles that listen to bad dubs. Usually, the subtitles are more accurate to
the original language than the dubbed dialogue.

Closing Statement

Godzilla fans will undoubtedly like this disc. Everyone else...well, you'd
best avoid it like you'd avoid stepping in twenty-six pounds of chewed
Bubblelicious.

The Verdict

The movies and the disc are spared further abuse at the judge's hands. Case
dismissed.