In turn, he discusses with the world all the things she will definitely not be getting when the big guy slides down their chimney on Christmas Eve.

Or when he braves the nearest shopping mall and has to decide whether or not to tase the person in front of him in line at Justice. (Probably don't do that, Drew.)

Item number 1 on his daughter's list? An American Girl doll that doesn't even exist yet. His response?

"Here is my kid asking for a present from the future...I love you, but you cannot have this, sweetheart."

That "little thing that can turn into anything at any time" is also on the No Fly list for Santa. Partly because what is it? but mostly because if it existed, it shouldn't be given to a 7 year old.

With great power comes great responsibility, you guys, and how many 7 year olds do you know who are capable of handling something like that?

Not Magary's daughter, who is also not responsible enough for the Border Collie puppy she wants. Or the iPod Touch, which Magary rants will turn even the kindest of kids into "a SLAVE to Steve Jobs' corpse forever."

Yep. That's true. In case of fire, grab the iPhone!

Never fear, guys. Magary isn't the Grinch Who Stole Christmas. His little girl will wake up to quite a few of the items from her list on December 25.