Benevolent Galaxy Being

Yellow Hat Rey, scolded his monkey. "You never listen to me. Over the years, you've run away, broken my things and inspired books about evil primates. Now you've stolen a time machine, and caused a plague centuries ago. Ring Around the Rosie, my Aunt Fanny. I have had it with you!"

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A dirty old man sat at a table, nursing his whiskey. A city-slicker woman walked into the empty bar in this dusty town and immediately walked over to him.
"Hi, you must be Carl. I'm Foxy, the historian Tandy told you about," she said and sat down. "I was hoping you'd tell me about the Bioengineered Intelligent Nocturnal Ghost Obliterator."
"We didn't call it that here, lady. Here, we called it 'Bingo'."

She turned me into a newt.

Tom the piper was fed up with single parenthood, and he said so to Ray, the landlord of the puborama.
Tom junior was a lout, and Tom had decided to stop feeding him until he changed his ways.
But the boy just started stealing food.
“Beats me how you do it.” He told Ray.
“You could spend more time with him!” said Ray. “Time gentlemen please.”
“Fewkin children!” howled Tom as he wobbled home.

ba-Ba-ba-brat

Weapon of Social Cleansing
Wolfgang sighed at today’s roster: Haytham, Woodham and Stoneham. Those cities would be gone come 5pm. The poor swine. Had he known what the job entailed, he’d never have applied.
‘About time we moved them on,’ his boss said in his earpiece at the orbital dock.
###
Heartbroken at the ashes of Haytham and Woodham, he tapped the console.Time for a new target…The Gentrificator rolled port at his command.City Planner’s Office. Confirmed.

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“Daddy, what’s that twinkling up there?”
“That’s a little star, dear, way above us.”
“It looks like a diamond in the sky!”
“You are my little star,” the mother said. She kissed her family, off to buy dinner.
“Twinkle, twinkle… Daddy, look at all the stars!”

The woman sat, tears streaming, in a meteor crater from the Zell counterattack. Her little star was gone. She rocked back and forth, mouthing, “Twinkle, twinkle… little star.”

Shropshire, U.K.

Thank you for your note in response to the updated regulations from the Galactic Council. I agree that their new 'fair exchange' policy is designed to curb what they disparagingly refer to as our 'abduction' program.

I think your idea should work. I hope so. Despite the recent success of the Pied Piper operation we can't afford another Hansel and Gretel fiasco.

Extract from a memo from Head of 'Extract and Observe' Operations to Rumpelstiltskin.