Jane Yee on The Block: It’s week six and time to bin the cheaters

Our resident Blockaholic Jane Yee recaps the highs and lows from week six of The Block NZ, including terrifying face cushions and some really cereal stuff.

It’s been a whopper week on The Block NZ as the contestants faced the daunting task of completing both the master bedroom and ensuite. Along with the regular excitement of falling behind schedule with waterproofing and tiling, week six brought us night after night of mid-level reality drama. There was a classic prank and a classic plank, cheaters were exposed and a rookie error sent Big Dyls into a doom spiral.

1) ROOM REVEAL

It was bloody close this week, due to all the living rooms being of similarly average quality. The judges decided The Dylsz’ huge couch was too inviting to ignore (and it would be bad telly if Niki and Tiff aced another room), so the Double D’s won the day and justice for unpainted barn doors the world over.

2) BARNDOORGATE

Now that we’re six weeks in I feel like I’m somewhat of an expert on door related scandals, and barndoorgate had all the hallmarks of a classic. Two arch rivals at opposing ends of the style scale had chosen a bespoke barn door as their living room secret weapon, each hoping it would give them the edge over the competition.

Come Sunday’s room reveal there was much-hyped promise of controversy and vitriol, but all we got was a slightly pissed off Big Dyls. The dispute fizzled out and everyone got on with their lives, except me.

3) PRANK CALL

Loveable larrikins Sam and Emmett kicked off the week with prank calls to Courtney and Little Dylz. The aim was to keep the prankees on the line as long as possible while inviting them to become the face of an incredibly unrealistic sounding breakfast cereal.

Courtney wasn’t born yesterday and she cottoned on to the gag within half a minute. Little Dyls, however, was born yesterday and stayed on the line, keen to become King Crack ’n Jiggle. If I were to adopt a puppy, it would be Little Dyls.

4) CHALLENGES

The game-changer challenge this week was another fine example of The Block production office making shit up as they go along. The challenge itself was pretty straightforward: contestants had to decorate cushions in the likeness of their teammate.

The prize? Well that’s where the intern got involved. Usually the winner of the game-changer would walk away with a Plus One point, but Emma and Courtney hadn’t played the last one so it wasn’t available.

However, the opportunity was there for the winning team to open their safe – unless that winning team was Sam and Emmett as they had already opened theirs in a previous challenge.

Finally, there was an appliance package up for grabs, though every team would get a package anyway – winning this challenge just meant you might end up with an extra blender or two.

Emmett won, so without the Plus One point and with no safe opening, all that fluffing about with cushions was for a slightly larger appliance package that will have zero influence on auction day. God I love these challenges.

Monday’s episode saw the contestants leaping ottomans in the Freedom-Free-For-All. The challenge relied heavily on the teams’ familiarity with the store’s floor stock, which I’m sure was daunting for Niki and Tiff who have never set foot inside Freedom Furniture.

Still, as my mum would say, those girls could fall down a drain and come up with a five pound note (mum’s British). Wouldn’t you know it, they won the challenge. The prize was a futuristic robot splashback that you can watch the telly on. Niki and Tiff will have to put a barn door in their kitchen to hide it.

The third challenge this week was the now-classic Block NZ Plank Walk. Like all dedicated viewers of reality TV I often imagine what I would do if I were cast on the show, so this week I inevitably found myself googling “how to build a long strong plank”. All I got was a dodgy autofill and not a shred of information on plank-construction.

When I do go on The Block I will certainly ensure I take a leaf out of Big Dyls’ book and bring my own hooded toddler towel.

Emma and Courtney built the shortest plank but were the only team who managed to stay on, so by default they won their very first challenge. Bless.

5) BRING BACK GLYNN

Who the heck is this Michael guy, and what’s he doing with Glynn’s prongs? He’s handing out pre-line passes like it’s the 1990’s and something smells fishy.

I’m worried about Glynn. Did a moisture test up the road with a Real Housewife of Remuera get ugly? Here’s hoping I’ve got the wrong end of the prong and he’s simply on annual leave, letting out his curls on a sweet vaycay. Miss you Glynn.

6) CHEATING SCANDAL

Last week Sam was caught on camera talking to a “just a friend” on the blower, and after realising he was being filmed he got more than a bit sheepish.

Suspicions were aroused and next thing you know Mark Richardson was confronting Team Purps with some dodgy text messages. Turns out Sam and Emmett’s phone-a-friend was somewhat of a styling expert. Consulting with experts is not the done thing on a DIY show, as Big Dyls pointed out when he said “what does DIY stand for? Do. It. Yourself.”

The text evidence was damning, Mark didn’t want to go so far as to say it was cheating but a punishment was handed down nonetheless. Sam and Emmett were forced to gift their Kids Room winnings to the other teams. Envelope pushers they may be, but we all still love them a million times over because they’re downright adorable

7) PITA AND THE PITS

In a moment of generosity – or sponsor obligation – Peter Wolfkamp decided to treat the teams and their tradies to a whole whack of Pita Pit this week. He got some promo staff from The Rock to carry it down the driveway, presumably because he’s still exhausted from making that condiment shelf a few weeks back.

As the Wolf sauntered down the driveway with his radio pals, my bored brain went to a weird place and pictured him as the lead singer of a covers band. I imagined he’d changed the spelling of his name to Pita and booked in a residency at The Poe under ‘Pita and the Pits’

Their signature hit?

8) NO MORE MR NICE DYLS (AGAIN)

Hate is a strong word, but if Dyls is not afraid to say “we’ve got balls and we’re using them,” on nationally telly, then he’s certainly not afraid to drop the H-bomb. After Niki and Tiff pipped team Dylsz at the post in the Freedom Free-For-All, a camera op hiding behind a wall of cushions caught Big D in an Ugly Kid Joe moment, spewing forth his true feelings about Team Yellow.

He hates them. Because they are winning. And he is 12.

Dyls’ hate confession was just the tip of the iceberg, things were about to get a whole lot worse. The Double D’s did an all-nighter hand-screwing gib to a weird shaped, very high ceiling. I don’t know much about building, but that shit looked like seriously hard work, even for two can-do blokes with giant biceps.

The next day, Wolfie discovered the lads had forgotten to install the second layer of insulation, meaning all that gib would have to come down. As a viewer I was selfishly excited. Big Dyls is not a cool, calm and collected kinda guy – the potential fallout from this error had me embarrassingly excited.

The Dylsz were ordered to remove the gib and install insulation, which went down like a tonne of bricks. Big D was angry with himself for making such a stupid mistake, but he was also super dark on Wolfkamp. Just last week the pair were forming a firm builders bromance, but this week the love affair was over.

When the Wolf was unavailable to discuss The Dylsz’ ceiling woes because he was too busy being smug, Big Dyls completely lost the plot and shoved lots of stuff while emitting many profanities. Like any reasonable child would, Dyls immediately cancelled his fledgling friendship with the Wolf and swore to hold a grudge forever and ever, amen.

After swearing down the house, in a few minutes of the most amazing TV I’ve seen in a long long time, Dyls went silent. He blanked the Wolf, then turned up for a piece-to-camera but refused to speak. It was an exceptional display of intentional childish behaviour that had me thinking The Block NZ may well have just reached it’s peak.

Week six was a shocker for Dyls, but it was fantastic for me. Sadly I don’t have high hopes for next week. After all the drama and excitement of the last four episodes, the ‘will they complete the room?’ cliffhanger is a bit of a non-starter.

I’ll tune in on Sunday, because I have to, but I’ll probably borrow this face from Emma when I do.

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