EM expenses

Junior Member

I am thinking of placing my baby for adoption and picked an agency last month. they gave me money for rent in november which i used but didn't really ask for. i'm feeling really uncomfortable with this agency. they aren't getting me a lawyer and i didn't get counseling, and the parents they thought i would match good with are already calling me tummy mommy and asking to come to my doctor appointments. i told my worker that i didn't feel comfortable and this was going so fast (i'm only 4 months). she told me it was good i was adopting out because CPS wouldn't like my kids in a small apartment like i have. she also said if i quit them i would have to pay them back the $800 they gave me for rent. i don't have the money to pay them back and i feel even more uncomfortable like they are threatening me. can they make me pay them back if i don't want to use them anymore?

Senior Member

I am thinking of placing my baby for adoption and picked an agency last month. they gave me money for rent in november which i used but didn't really ask for. i'm feeling really uncomfortable with this agency. they aren't getting me a lawyer and i didn't get counseling, and the parents they thought i would match good with are already calling me tummy mommy and asking to come to my doctor appointments. i told my worker that i didn't feel comfortable and this was going so fast (i'm only 4 months). she told me it was good i was adopting out because CPS wouldn't like my kids in a small apartment like i have. she also said if i quit them i would have to pay them back the $800 they gave me for rent. i don't have the money to pay them back and i feel even more uncomfortable like they are threatening me. can they make me pay them back if i don't want to use them anymore?

Senior Member

I am thinking of placing my baby for adoption and picked an agency last month. they gave me money for rent in november which i used but didn't really ask for. i'm feeling really uncomfortable with this agency. they aren't getting me a lawyer and i didn't get counseling, and the parents they thought i would match good with are already calling me tummy mommy and asking to come to my doctor appointments. i told my worker that i didn't feel comfortable and this was going so fast (i'm only 4 months). she told me it was good i was adopting out because CPS wouldn't like my kids in a small apartment like i have. she also said if i quit them i would have to pay them back the $800 they gave me for rent. i don't have the money to pay them back and i feel even more uncomfortable like they are threatening me. can they make me pay them back if i don't want to use them anymore?

Senior Member

Since all states laws prohibit selling children for adoption, it would be difficult for a valid contract to require repayment of any expenses covered if the biological parent(s) change their mind during the period of time they are allowed to do so under state law.

Senior Member

Since all states laws prohibit selling children for adoption, it would be difficult for a valid contract to require repayment of any expenses covered if the biological parent(s) change their mind during the period of time they are allowed to do so under state law.

You seem to be saying that it's illegal in the entire U.S. for adopting parents to pay the living expenses of the mother, but some states allow for the adopting parents to pay for living expenses of the mother, so I'm not sure where you're going with that.

ETA: New Jersey Law specifically allows for it.
https://law.justia.com/codes/new-jersey/2013/title-9/section-9-3-39.1/e. It shall not be a violation of subsection d. of this section: (1) to pay, provide, or reimburse to a parent of the child, or for a parent of the child to receive payment, provision, or reimbursement for medical, hospital, counseling, or other similar expenses incurred in connection with the birth or any illness of the child, or the reasonable living expenses of the mother of the child during her pregnancy including payments for reasonable food, clothing, medical expenses, shelter, and religious, psychological, vocational, or similar counseling services during the period of the pregnancy and for a period not to exceed four weeks after the termination of the pregnancy by birth or otherwise. These payments may be made directly to the birth mother or on the mother's behalf to the supplier of the goods or services ...

Member

You seem to be saying that it's illegal in the entire U.S. for adopting parents to pay the living expenses of the mother, but some states allow for the adopting parents to pay for living expenses of the mother, so I'm not sure where you're going with that.

ETA: New Jersey Law specifically allows for it.
https://law.justia.com/codes/new-jersey/2013/title-9/section-9-3-39.1/
.[/I]

Does this mean that the birth parent is not responsible for reimbursing any payments if she changes her mind?

Allowable Payments for Relinquishing Child
Citation: Ann. Stat. § 9:3-39.1(c), (d)
Written notice shall be given to the birth parent and the adoptive parent that the decision not to place the child for adoption or the
return of the child to the birth parent cannot be conditioned upon reimbursement of expenses by the birth parent to the adoptive
parent and that payments by the adoptive parent are nonrefundable.

Senior Member

e. It shall not be a violation of subsection d. of this section: (1) to pay, provide, or reimburse to a parent of the child, or for a parent of the child to receive payment, provision, or reimbursement for medical, hospital, counseling, or other similar expenses incurred in connection with the birth or any illness of the child, or the reasonable living expenses of the mother of the child during her pregnancy including payments for reasonable food, clothing, medical expenses, shelter, and religious, psychological, vocational, or similar counseling services during the period of the pregnancy and for a period not to exceed four weeks after the termination of the pregnancy by birth or otherwise. These payments may be made directly to the birth mother or on the mother's behalf to the supplier of the goods or services, or

(2) where the child is from a foreign country, reasonable and customary fees and expenses of a foreign agency or attorney for the care or representation of the child during any period of foster or institutional care in the child's country of origin, or

Senior Member

Does this mean that the birth parent is not responsible for reimbursing any payments if she changes her mind?

Allowable Payments for Relinquishing Child
Citation: Ann. Stat. § 9:3-39.1(c), (d)
Written notice shall be given to the birth parent and the adoptive parent that the decision not to place the child for adoption or the
return of the child to the birth parent cannot be conditioned upon reimbursement of expenses by the birth parent to the adoptive
parent and that payments by the adoptive parent are nonrefundable.

Senior Member

You seem to be saying that it's illegal in the entire U.S. for adopting parents to pay the living expenses of the mother, but some states allow for the adopting parents to pay for living expenses of the mother, so I'm not sure where you're going with that.

ETA: New Jersey Law specifically allows for it.
https://law.justia.com/codes/new-jersey/2013/title-9/section-9-3-39.1/e. It shall not be a violation of subsection d. of this section: (1) to pay, provide, or reimburse to a parent of the child, or for a parent of the child to receive payment, provision, or reimbursement for medical, hospital, counseling, or other similar expenses incurred in connection with the birth or any illness of the child, or the reasonable living expenses of the mother of the child during her pregnancy including payments for reasonable food, clothing, medical expenses, shelter, and religious, psychological, vocational, or similar counseling services during the period of the pregnancy and for a period not to exceed four weeks after the termination of the pregnancy by birth or otherwise. These payments may be made directly to the birth mother or on the mother's behalf to the supplier of the goods or services ...

You are misunderstanding me. I know that prospective adoptive parents and/or agencies are permitted to cover certain expenses for the biological mother of the child, in order for her to have a safe and healthy pregnancy.

It is requiring her to reimburse them for those expenses should she change her mind about adoption, that I question...the whole idea that if you do not give us the baby you have to pay us back. That smacks of an entirely different arrangement.

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