Classic Katherine stream-of-consciousness style post

Posted on April 2, 2015

Okay so this is kind of a weird post because I know what I want to say, but I can’t quite figure out what the POINT of it is. I have been thinking in-depth a lot about racism lately. Racism is such a heavy word, I feel like people are going to read that and just close this post because they don’t want to be lectured but this isn’t really a lecture this is one of those classic Katherine ‘stream of consciousness’ type posts that rambles and kind of just doesn’t really have a start, middle or end.

The thing is, my whole life I have always known deep down that it is ‘better’ to be white.

Writing this now I can see it’s a stupid statement, but at the same time it is an accurate statement of how I have felt over large periods of my life. I am Chinese. I was born in New Zealand. I grew up here and I live here now. I recall wishing I was white when I was in Primary School. In Intermediate. In High School. My mom told me she remembers the same thing. I have become used to racist comments, brushing them off as ‘jokes’ in order to fit in. The amount of times I have heard, “I’m not being racist, but…” is countless. It is almost like I have been surrounded by so many various forms of racism for so long that I am almost immune to it.

Or I have given up.

My mother has given up. When I recently told her about this whole Ya Ya Club is-it-or-isn’t-it-racist thing (for lack of a better word), she laughed. She laughed when I told her about the comments I’d read online about how hilarious it is watching Asian people park cars. She laughed at the comment (like, with the person who had written it) and she said to me, “what are you going to do about it? That’s just how life is.” And I felt disappointed and sad. Partly for her and all other non-white people out there, and partly for me because I sort of agreed, and by sort of agreeing it meant that I had sort of given up too.

It isn’t easy to shake, that feeling that it is ‘better to be white’. It isn’t easy to shake when you have spent your entire life not being white and suffering the consequences of it. It’s the little things – parallel parking and knowing you’re being watched extra carefully (though I think this also applies to any females because not only are a lot of people racist, they’re also sexist), having people get you to work out how to divide the bill because ‘you’re Asian, you’re good at maths, right?’, being asked if you’ve eaten a dog, being asked if I can ‘see out of those slits’, being asked about what kind of shit I can do with ping pong balls, just being talked to in broken English for no reason other than to demonstrate how hilarious it is to hear people whose second language is English. It’s all just ‘jokes’, but the funny part (or not so funny part, really) is that you can laugh all you like, but in the end all the little ‘jokes’ just build on the existing animosity many already have towards Asian people. It’s just a reaffirmation of how important and powerful white people are, and how inadequate everyone else is.

This is not to say that anyone who says something racist, is racist (good article about this here), but more that a lot of people are ignorant, and I have been accepting this. I wouldn’t say that I was feeding racism, but I definitely haven’t been putting any kind of stop to it which makes me feel like maybe I’m being a bad non-white person or something.

59 Comments

Wow. I’ve never read anything so relevant to me. I’ve literally grown up and felt the same way as you. I identify more with kiwis than Asians as all my friends are kiwis, but still, I can’t help but feel like an outsider sometimes. I also feel like Im judged immediately based on my ethnicity when meeting new people at parties etc. i guess you are right, in a way I have become immune to all the racist comments, although they happen less often now, it still hurts occasionally, especially as it’s all built up over the years. I struggled more when I was younger and wished I was “white” at times because it felt like everything would’ve been “easier”. However I’ve definitely gotten over it and grown into myself. Shit like this still sucks tho.

Yeah you’re so right about the little “jokes” that add up over time that just reinforce the belief that white is superior and non-white is considered “other” still. I had massive online arguments last week about that Suzanne Paul joke about the indian cricket team (something about dairies and who would be manning them if they were all at the cricket, yawwwwn) and the majority of the commenters just couldn’t fathom how it was racist and how white privilege works. I tried explaining the whole majority power vs minority, prejudice + power thing but it mostly fell on deaf ears. It was the most frustrating thing ever but I can’t tolerate casual racism, or overt racism. I feel like the majority of the time people are just ignorant and don’t want to be told they’re complicit in racism if they just keep perpetuating racism through these lame jokes, cultural appropriation, “I’m
Not racist but..” Type beliefs because I still think many people only see ONE type of racism ie. Blatant racist remarks/actions from a white person to a black person. Like if it’s not that obvious they can’t see it as racist. Same thing applies to sexism.

I couldn’t agree with you more. I am half Chinese it is something I grew up with insane abuse for being ‘different’.

I had coffee with a friend yesterday. She is half Japanese and she spoke of her identity crisis over this – having the minor cultural influence and language but still being a very normal Kiwi. Combined with the fact that, we both rejected our Asian side as children because we thought it was ‘embarrassing’.

The problem is rooted in the colonial period. It is systemic and reproduced through culture. New Zealand culture is a mixture of British and American influences – added with a little Pacific and Maori influences and a little strangeness on the side. I don’t know what it is, but clearly it has no room for ‘other’ cultures.

Yesterday having coffee with my friend, we reminisced about how cast off we were as children. I recalled extreme Racism from many people around me and lamented being Chinese. My father left New Zealand when I was a child because of the Racism. This is something I have given a lot of thought to since the trauma of being ‘Asian’ and therefore ‘weird’, and now I realize it’s actually sweet being not-white. (But secretly, openly, white).

It just gross that some New Zealanders, and other cultures have this idea that they aren’t racist for X reason, but they fully are.

I couldn’t agree with you more. I am half Chinese it is something I grew up with insane abuse for being ‘different’.

I had coffee with a friend yesterday. She is half Japanese and this is something that came up. She spoke of her identity crisis over this – having the minor cultural influence and language but still being a very normal Kiwi. Combined with the fact that, we both rejected our Asian side as children because we considered it ‘embarrassing’.

The problem is rooted in the colonial period. It is systemic and reproduced through culture. New Zealand culture is a mixture of British and American influences – added with a little Pacific and Maori influences and a little strangeness on the side. I don’t know what it is, but clearly it has no room for ‘other’ cultures.

Yesterday having coffee with my friend, we reminisced about how cast off we were as children. I recalled extreme Racism from many people around me and lamented being Chinese. My father left New Zealand when I was a child because of the Racism. This is something I have given a lot of thought to since the trauma of being ‘Asian’ and therefore ‘weird’, and now I realize it’s actually sweet being not-white. (But secretly, openly, white).

It just gross that some New Zealanders, and other cultures have this idea that they aren’t racist for X reason, but they fully are.

This is something I have been thinking alot about in the last year, in particular the fact when I was around 9 years old (when I started to distinguish that the behavior of all adults wasn’t always right) I really believed that the death of racism was just around the corner because I thought that it was something upheld for the most part by the previous generations and that good people were working to erase racism & when my generation grew up it would no longer exist – I am really ashamed to say that racism is still present and even seems to be going through somewhat of a revival in what should really be (by now anyway) an enlightened socially cohesive contemporary society

Interesting Kath, nothing seems to change. The feelings you express I felt when I was growing up. I thought you did not suffer those same thoughts. interesting when I was in China and the locals discovered I could not speak Mandarin they chuckled and called me a foreigner! Where do we fit in?

Hi Katherine. I was really taken by your post and then your Dad’s comment at the end nearly moved me to tears. I’ve been reading a bit about this issue lately from a american perspective (I’m a kiwi living in San Diego) and it’s amazing to me when in the face of institutional racism people can still deny its existence. Ignorance? Stupidity? Willful denial to maintain the status quo? The only thing that I think will help is education and to teach our children to respect and embrace difference. Race, gender, looks, sexual orientation, disability etc. I want to shake Kiwis and say come on get with it!! We are better than this!! With regards to your Mum- perhaps she hasn’t given up per se but has found a coping mechanism that works for her? I think only a few people have the mental energy to go to battle against the system on a daily basis. And lastly, before I moved to the states I didn’t have a personal appreciation for the issue of identity- (and I completely understand that my experience isn’t on par with what you and the other commenters describe) but I’m obviously not american, and when I come home my accent is sufficiently morphed to this weird NZ-American-british thing that I’m not recognized as a kiwi either…so I’m in limbo too. I’m beginning to see identity and how you see yourself and the world as having a huge impact personally and also geopolitically. And that was my ramble. Keep being your awesome self.

I was surprised to read your post, always struck me that you were always “comfortable in your own skin”. Made me think back to when I was young, seems we all want to be accepted for who we are – no magic answer though.

Your post makes me feel very sad for the state of our country and concerned that all our kiwi’s of asian origin are having to live with this nonsense that non the less over time takes root deeply in peoples hearts, as it clearly has done for you and your mother. But then how could it not? What other choice do we have but to believe what our society tells us about ourselves on some level at least.
I suspect that to remain conscious of the racism (as much as possible) and to try to notice the impact that it has on how you feel about yourself might be a good strategy to survive and flourish despite it.

Great blog K is awesome. I am a New Zealand citizen and one of many fascinated by Asian cultures and cuisine.I grew up being teased because I look Chinese.I then studied China and its cultures and absolutely loved it.NZ is only a small country so the effects of racism are magnified when they are directed at us. However I cannot go a week without Chinese food. The racist taunts tends to drive me into a lonely existence but in this existence I have found an independence.
Racism is a natural part of human existence accordingly if one can accept this fact the depression which we ourselves hold in our minds can be lifted.
When I am taunted these days I am not so affected as the ones who are directing their hate towards me.
I have strong maori heritage but have generally been shunned out of the general maori existence which in the end has been a huge blessing. I enjoy my human privacy.

Iam really sorry you feel that way, I grew up in the 50′s in a small town and we were friends with the Chinese, they were great gardeners the Indians were great grocers and had yummy food and Maoris were our friends too forget about the moaning poms. I beleive we are here on this earth to be what we are no matter what, we should not judge our selves but just get on with life as best as we can and don’t take it on board. The problem maybe the invasion of new asians into our country who don’t respect our culture! And the fear of ISIS

Kiwis are very open about their thoughts and remarks you need to harden up. This is not unique to New Zealand I have lived all over the world.If New Zealand is so bad one has to wonder why you continue to live here. You are chinese so what how hard to you try to blend in. Clearly as a kiwi I am concerned at the large number of people who have come to New Zealand over the last twenty yearss. Most of them want to establish mini cultures of their own. Expressiing ones opinion is not racist but it is people like yourself that are quick to label people. This is an open culture and like yourself you are free to express your own opinions. My family have been here generations and I get sick of people claining the racist label. One can only wonder you chose to stay where you feel you are continually being radically discriminated against. I often wonder why people come to a country that is clearly different from their own culture yet are happy to have the benefits of the culture. Let me know if you find a perfect country because from why I have learnt there isnt one. You clearly want the publicity for your blog. Get over yourself. There are a number of options open to yourself yet you chose none of them. I get sick of people coming here and claiming the rules dont apply to them in particular overstayers, also people who rip off my country as well I dont get media attention.

Instead of telling people from different ethnic backgrounds to “return home” if they feel they are being discriminated against, which is never that simple to begin with, why not try to look around you and see that some New Zealanders are actually quite racist and indeed we do live in a society that favours white people. Of course there will be people everywhere who are an exception to the “racist” label. No one is ripping off New Zealand. No one is saying that kiwis are bad. This piece is merely just a comment on how it feels growing up in a society in which you are not part of the majority. The thing is, if you are white, you will never get how it feels to experience this and can claim that society as a whole is being “mislabelled” but unless you have experienced it you won’t be able to say anything otherwise. Not once in her post did Katherine say that New Zealand was bad so the fact that hat, choose to open your comment with that paired with your lovely spelling is quite funny, albeit entertaining. One can only hope that your narrowmindedness ends with you and is not passed on to future generations.

“I get sick of people coming here and claiming the rules dont apply to them in particular overstayers, also people who rip off my country as well I dont get media attention.”

Are you Maori? If not, then shut up. Also white culture doesn’t mean New Zealand Culture. There are other cultures well before White culture in NZ. If you want all Asian to blend in, which culture are you suggesting? Or should you be blending in too?

Not only are you blithely unaware of your own prejudice, you are also incredibly ignorant. Nationality is not defined by skin colour and, given the fact you have lived “all over the world”, you should know this. Furthermore, as someone else pointed out, NZ culture does not end at NZ-European culture. It doesn’t really need to be said but Katherine was born here and is just as entitled as you to feel welcome in her own country (as are “the large number of people who have come here over the last twenty years”, FYI).

Your suggestion of “if you don’t like it, leave” is reductive and does not offer any solution to the issue Katherine presents in this post, and that you have conveniently ignored. As you say, these “thoughts and remarks” (read: racism) are not unique to New Zealand anyway.

By the way, the reason people label you as racist is because you are. If you’re sick of it then perhaps you should educate yourself and try to understand why your comments are hurtful to people instead of making them feel like their feelings are invalid. I know this will be difficult for you though so don’t worry, my expectations aren’t very high…

Good article Katherine.
As a NZ born male with a Chinese mother from Malaysia and a Pakeha father, I never felt comfortable in my skin until my late 20s.
I’ve always had girlfriends/partners of white, Maori or Polynesian mix background, never Asian.
Was that a side effect of growing up and not identifying with being Asian (I can’t speak any dialect) or trying to ignore/deny my part Asian background. Probably.
I recently pointed out to my partner (who is of part Maori background) while she was watching one of her regular TV shows (the new Hawaii Five O) that it was the first time (outside of martial arts movies) that a strong masculine Asian character appeared as a lead character on mainstream US TV. Previously Asian males on TV have always been either techno-nerds, of effeminate build and/or lacking social skills.
My partner was happy to point out a nice young Asian boy, blond pakeha girl couple while we out for dinner last night.

Hi Katherine
I totally agree with your comments we all need a very good sense of humour to live in NZ. Seen it first hand. A must have.
Our family being white, north shore city people of four generations have also recently experienced the reverse situation with the University grading system & hospital system. The medical system it seems panders to everyone but white city dwelling New Zealanders. Sad for all.
We are all New Zealanders at the end of the day.
Loved reading your blog.

Hi Katherine
My partner is Chinese and she has a daughter at uni. I am frequently embarrassed by the comments/responses from other NZ’ers who are a different colour – we are all NZ’ers – that is just like you say. I’m not being racist, but… We all know what but means with regard to what you said before the ‘but’. It makes me sad that a particular group is alienated because you can ‘see’ the difference. You can’t ‘see’ if someone is French or German so they don’t get the same abuse. I call it abuse because it is! Racism is abusing someone’s culture in whatever way it is played out and I believe it is unacceptable. I enjoy sharing my life with another culture and learning their culture too.. I think sometimes we forget that compared to China we are such a tiny minority really. Keep up your positive staements.

I’m a white guy and agree with everything you’ve written. I think racism, or more to the point ‘humans treating someone who is different to the majority differently’, is kind of ingrained in all societies. I had the privilege of living in Malaysia for 2 years, I love the place and the people. I found myself in the minority up there and while most people still treated me well I was treated differently. The common term used for white people by Malaysian Chinese translates to ‘Red Devil’. While I was never particularly offended by this it was an interesting experience being on the receiving end.

It happens everywhere though. English tell jokes about the Irish. Samoans tell jokes about the Tongans.

I wonder if the ignorance that fuels racism will ever disappear, and the differences celebrated rather than picked-on.

I am a Kiwi!
Your comments are totally correct – I know, because my wife & familt are Chinese & I see this behaviour constantly. Sometimes if I don’t like the person making the comments, I will letmyself sink to their level & make a snide comment back to try to embaress them.

To be honest, things like that happen all the time. I ‘m a Caucasian female living in NZ. But – I am South African. When people meet me and hear my accent I have had a lot of responses such as “Hey, you’re South African you must be a racist” and all sorts of South African stereotyping.
I am a Caucasian South African married to a Kiwi Chinese man. And yes, I do make the stereotypical Asian jokes with him and he makes fun of my accent all the time.
Luckily for both of us – we do not take life too seriously. I in fact think it is a way of embracing other cultures, such as the South African comedian Trevor Noah. His dad is European and his mum is African. He is always joking about all cultures – too be honest I think people take life too seriously getting upset about things like this. Most of my close friends are Chinese and they are always making fun of themselves (I only make fun of my husband). I don’t think it’s an ignorant thing, I think it’s a way people relate and make fun of each other and themselves.
I still get comments from people when they meet me, it doesn’t bother me. I know who I am, I am secure about who I am. At the end of the day I am responsible for my own happiness and people are not necessarily ignorant, people all over the world like to make fun of each other. It’s human nature.

Yeah, can identify with this. The amount of times people have called me racist profanes from ‘Hori’ or yelled ‘nigger…ape…black arsehole’ at me I have simply lost count of. This can either happen to my face, or as I am walking through suburbs that I guess some New Zealanders don’t think people of a different complexion should walk. Broader that the subtle racism of people being alarmed at my presence in their cafe etc. thinking I am going to either rob and or assault them is confounding. One gets to read the body language of people re their comfort levels with brown people. Never ceases to amaze me how happy and relaxed people are…when you are leaving their cafes etc. However these things stated the worst forum of racism I have encountered is in political blog forums and community forums (trademe). Blogs and community forums provide the platform for overt racism whereby behind the guise of anonymity people will make the most demeaning and denigrating remarks simply because their cultural and political ideology differs to yours…but hey, It is what it is. Being racially abused has being my normal for years and given I am just an everyday Joe average I suppose there are thousands more like me. I now ignore it and get on with the job of living life.

“It’s just a reaffirmation of how important and powerful white people are, and how inadequate everyone else is.”

Such feelings and affirmation of importance and power reside only in those who are unable to let go of their notions of superiority and control arising during the colonial days past. It is the attachment to past glories, or perceptions thereof, that prevents those narrow band of people to benefit intellectually, culturally, spiritually, and even economically, from opportunities thrown their way by an increasingly borderless world.

Having said that, it is my observation that what appears to be racist comments or views on first pass are often not racist in intent, but more of that person racially prejudice through ignorance. As a Chinese myself, I must admit that I have sometimes been guilty of such prejudices in my own thoughts and words, but I am becoming a more informed person all the time – it is all about opening eyes and minds!

Unfortunately there is racism in all societies. Sometimes people may think they are only joking, but the comments can still be very hurtful and racist. I am white and during my working life over a number of years experienced a lot of racist comments and threats from Maori. Some, didn’t like the fact there were rules to follow in the business I was managing so their response was to try and use racist abuse to make me back down. It didn’t work. Having lived in Asia for two years I have a lot of admiration for the Asian people but racism exists there as well. People need to think before they speak.

I can totally relate. Being half Asian and European, although looking more Asian in appearance, I have experienced similar cases of ignorance and prejudice. From my experience (I’m nearly 40 now) I feel that a lot of this anti-asian sentiment comes from the baby boomer generation, or those aged 55 years old and upwards. Things I have experienced:
(1) I used to work at a petrol station when I was studying at University. A customer came up to me and said “20 dollar, do you understand english? 20 dollar of petrol” My reply was “sweet as, leaded or unleaded?”
(2) I was fishing with my white kiwi friend on a fishing jetty in Coromandel and I saw some kid had caught some nice snapper and kawai. I went over to the kid and said he did a great job and what bait he used to catch them. Suddenly the little kids father comes over and says to me “you buy, how much” in broken english and laughing out loudly so everyone on the jetty was watching.
(3) Some white kiwi dairy owner tried to charge me $20 for a single scoop of ice cream thinking I was a asian tourist in Rotorua.
(4) A shop owner tried to charge me more than the label price, when I asked him why he said “you’re asian, you can afford it”
(5) Being asked “where do you come from” all the time when I was born here.

Worst of all for me since I’m half Asian and European is that I am not fully accepted by both cultures. I’m in limbo, sort of in between. It’s also difficult dating. The moment a white girl sees an Asian face on nzdating they automatically disregard you. Good news though is that these issue are not happening with the younger generation of kiwi kids as they have grown up together. It’s the older populations that have the issues.

It’s the same for fat people, the same for red-heads etc. Anyone who isn’t the norm” more than likely feels the way you do. I’m 6’2 (female) and people made all sorts of thoughtless comments around me with regards to height. I spent many years of my life wishing I was 5’8 and like all the other girls. So really if you can’t get over that when you get out of your teens and accept yourself for who you are then I think it’s more your problem than that of the masses. Embrace your difference, use it to your advantage. Who wants to be like everyone else anyway?

Totally agree!
I am also tall, know the feeling…. Everyone likes to point it out as if you don’t know.
But I embrace my height, even though through my life I always felt insecure about it, I am now in a place in my life where I embrace it and enjoy it and feel much better for it.

I am female, and I parallel park better than any man I know. I also drive better than most men. but I will always be a “female” driver. I can not imagine being an “asian” driver in NZ. You can not win, no matter how good you are, a huge percentage of the population will always see you as an “asian female driver”.

I am white and was born in the country. I didn’t know there was such a thing as colored people until I came to the city and we learnt about the abolition of slavery at school. I was so upset by this I think it has affected my life always. I didn’t and still don’t understand why any species (because that is what we are) should think themselves superior to another. I do remember being a bit jealous of Maori people, wishing I was one because of their close family ties and traditions when I was a teenager. I have also always admired cultures that value and applaud their older citizens, white communities certainly don’t seem to. I am who I am and can’t do anything about what colour I am, but can only try to lead by example and hope this horrible smirch on the human society is no more.

Be who you are. I don’t want you to want to be white. I want you to know who you are and be who you are. It’s up to you who you want to be.

I’m not white though. I’m Maori. I know very little Chinese. My daughter is learning some at her Catholic primary school in Wellington. I love that movie, The Joy Luck Club. I have a Chinese Aunty and Chinese-Maori cousins. I love Chinese food. That’s about the extent of my knowledge/ignorance.

God bless you to be all of who you are. As far as I’m concerned, you are welcome in Aotearoa.

God bless you and your whanau and all of your friends always. You deserve the best.

To the lady who gets asked where she is from all the time. As a Maori I get asked that all the time too. It’s part of Maori culture. So please don’t be offended if it’s someone Maori asking you that. They just want to know your ancestry, where you grew up, etc. It’s the polite way to ask about someone before you even ask their name in Maori culture. It’s a way of making connections from other people who are from the same area too. It follows with comments like ‘Do you know so and so’ and with other Maori it ends up with ‘Oh we are cousins then’.

What an interesting observation. Here’s another twist; I’m now in Hong Kong (a former British colony). Due to the “influence” of the presence of the British, a lot of people have taken to giving themselves “English” names, on top of their “given” Chinese names, in an attempt to Westernise! I don’t have an “English” name & was perfectly OK with this (lived in NZ for many years & no problem whatsoever.
Sooner or later, you get used to these things. Too late to influence your genes I guess.

I’m a Filipino immigrant and I just wanted to say how much I could relate to your story of Asian-NZ discrimination. I came to NZ when I was 10 years old and growing up, I saw many other fellow Filipinos around my age trying to emphasize their mixed heritage so much(in Philippines we have term called ‘mestizo/mestiza’) when other people asked about their ethnicity. I’d often overhear them say they are ‘half-Chinese half-Spanish/Spaniard’ all the time but never Filipino. By 13, I was doing the same thing. I have no idea why they do it, but for myself I guess I wanted to stand out. Growing up as a teenager in a South Auckland decile one school was tough. I got mocked for my slanted eyes, Asian features and literally thrown the ‘ching-chong’ jokes despite not being Chinese. Even when I tried to speak English with a proper ‘Kiwi’ accent, they made fun of it and were repeating my phrases to make a mockery out of it. It made me upset that no one knew about my own ethnicity or where the Philippines was in the Asian map. It just made me think that most Kiwis don’t care and will just simply treat you like other Asians, assuming that we all came from the same place and had the same culture. After I graduated from high school, I got to meet other Asians and people from outside my district who were more polite and had knowledge about my home country and its people. That’s when I started to feel more proud of my own race and I no longer felt the need to pretend that I was another ethnicity(eg. half Mexican, Spanish) for the sake of standing out because my Philippine ethnicity is more different from other Asians than other people think. Lately, I began researching about my Philippine culture so that when I meet new people and they ask me where I am from then I’ll be able to tell them more. Hopefully one day, Kiwis(whether they’re European/White, Maori or Pasifika) will know about the Philippines’ culture and that there’s other countries in Asia apart from China and Japan.

Never give up! Personally I think this kind of behaviour is unacceptable (both the racial microaggressions and the more overt stuff. Some days you can say something to these people and some days you can’t. But every little bit helps :)

I wonder where you live, I think things have changed in Auckland in the last 15 years, don’t know about the rest of the country.

I have a Chinese-German friend, in her work she meets people for coffee or a meal, often after just phone contact. She has great fun walking up to them, watching their expression (who the hell are you?), and then the change as she introduces herself in fluent german.

I think that to some degree racism is human, at first we are naturally wary of someone who looks different. Then as we get to know them we become less aware of the difference in facial features. That’s my experience anyway.

My son is white, we are like 4th generation kiwis of english/scottish descent. My son only dates asians because ALL white girls are slags, you find then face down in the gutter on most weekends drunk out of their skulls. And I have to agree with him. Does that make me rascist??

You are a beautiful person, accept that and go forward. No one can take that away from you unless you give them the right, take your right and go forward as a beautiful person. I wish I had a heart to give you. Bless you, Jude

Liked your column, or is it a blog, neither of which I read but seldom. Keep at it but make it funny even though any prejudice is sad. Humour allows people to grow.

Stay immune but keep on your drive to overcoming ignorance.

As a fellow country person teaching English in Moscow I can tell you that, although all Western democracies have racist issues to face, over here it hasn’t even started. There are token blacks, Asians, and others on TV, but the functioning of society is based on racial-caste lines.

Hi Katherine, An interesting blog. Being NZ Chinese, my experience of racism in NZ has changed quite a lot since the 70′s. I think it has moved from being socially accepted and overt, to being much more covert. However, it’s still present it’s just not PC to intentionally and openly verbalise it anymore.

I am a white NZder living in Switzerland. Despite the fact I look like most other people here, I too am subject to lots stereotypical ideas about NZders – mostly positive. However Croatians, Bosnians etc are disliked and have to live with a whole other set of very negative Images/ideas.People are always taking the Micky out of me because of my english accented German. I know because of this accent I will never be fully accepted here despite having a swiss passport – in the eyes of the swiss I will never be swiss.It does sometimes make you feel like a 2nd class citizen and of a lesser value to Society. However to dwell on this wpuld only make bitter and I like living here so get on with it all.Its not only the colour of your skin the shape of your eyes – it can also be an accent or other language barrier that causes discrimation. So I think it is more of a discrimination problem than a racist Problem. And only education will solve this problem – not feeling sorry for yourself or blaming others.Live by example!

Stay strong and keep speaking truth. Tell it like it is! That’s the most admirable thing: stay grounded in reality including the reality of your equal right to anyone on the planet to be here, to be alive, and to be yourself. Aroha!

You know…it’s horrible…it is so horrible but you are right. This is something I have known my entire life and that is why the vast majority of my friends are not white. I prefer them being just who they are. They are real and down to earth. My friends are Chinese, Indian, Coloured and Islanders with a sprinkling of white who are real and not pretentious. In saying that I like people who are real and relevant and care no matter what skin colour or sex, etc. It’s not your colour skin or what you think about or how much you earn – it’s what your belief system is, how you care and what you do that matters. I like who I am and I make no apologies for who I am.

As a NZ born Chinese as well, I’ve always known it’s not necessarily better to be White but easier. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve been talked slow to, or “OMG your English is really good”. I personally think that it’s not good to want to be something you can’t change (being Chinese) and you should just embrace who you are. There’s nothing wrong with being Chinese. I’ve made big efforts to embrace my Chinessness that I studied Chinese Culture at Uni and learnt to play Chinese Chess. My Great Great Grandfather moved to New Zealand over 100 years ago and I always think how horrible it would have been for him, so if my biggest concerns are sometimes people are being slightly racist, that’s something I can live with, but I won’t stop being who I am to fit in or be “white”.

Dutch migrants had jokes and some pretty nasty comments directed at them. They kept their heads down, worked hard and just got on with it. They were white, yet were subjected to some very mean and unpleasant behaviour. Now nearly every kiwi family has a friend or family member with Dutch connections. Just integrate, let the comments slide off your back, get on with it and stop making more of stupid comments than is warranted.

Certainly wouldn’t defend some of the nonsense you need to put up, however as a NZ European who speaks two Asian languages, I can testify as to how bad Asian racism is as well, particularly towards brown skinned people who live in this country.

I think most of this problem is laziness and a bit of thoughtlessness on the part of those in the driving seat of NZ society. The people making insensitive comments just don’t think through how this may affect someone and the subtle messages they may be conveying or reinforcing from what they say – that’s why they get defensive about ‘being racist’ because, in their own mind, they aren’t. The thing is they’re not thinking about it properly. What they are doing is making simplified, almost childish distinctions between people to identify (often highly inaccurate) ‘patterns’ which they use to make sense of what happens around them. Although I am a white NZ female, (so I can probably only claim to have had personal experience of feeling the pressure to kick ass whilst parallel parking!) I grew up in Manurewa and now live central Auckland. Amazing how little exposure people in central Aucks have had to other cultures, and probably Asian people stand out as ‘different’ to the white people in these areas. I would encourage everyone – white, Asian, whoever – to always draw attention to the other side of the coin, or decline to engage in laughter at racist comments – you don’t have to be rude or abusive necessarily, or hold a grudge about it; but a passing moment of awkwardness may be what that other person needs in order to question their own position. Great post :-)

My grand daughter is part Samoan, part Maori; I am European and I guess she got some of my genes because she is quite fair skinned. Both of her parents identify with their Polynesian and Maori language and culture.

For three years my grand daughter attended a day care centre where the majority of children were Asian. Over time she began to identify herself (quite strongly)as being white and even denying her ethnicity. When I queried it with her parents they said it was because of the influence from the Asian children at day care. Her parents were not reactive and did not seem to mind.There was no racist divide at the day care centre, it was a great place and all the children got along extremely well. I used to pick her up from there sometimes and was impressed with the place.

Since starting primary school her self-identity has changed and she identifies herself according to her parents ethnicity with perhaps a slight leaning towards Maori.She is very confident and happy with who she is.

Perhaps the influence of ‘whiteism’ begins much sooner than we realize and even your peers at pre-school can influence what you think about yourself.