The San Diego Padres' ongoing quest for a World Series (or at least a playoff title). "You know that many runners enter a race, but only one of them wins the prize. So run to win! Athletes work hard to win a crown that cannot last, but we do it for a crown that will last forever." 1 Corinthians 9:24-25

Live Together, Die Alone

Well, boys, you didn’t support Jake like you needed to last night, so this calls for drastic measures.

A lot of people, especially teenagers, can’t imagine life without a cell phone. We use them to talk to our friends and co-workers, we can text, and these days, we can have internet access on our phones.

Of course, the main purpose of a phone is to be able to talk to people wherever they are. But with all the fancy extras on our phones, they quickly become addicting.

If you’re a baseball player earning millions a year, I’d bet that you have a really great phone. After all, you need to keep in contact with your families when you’re on the road, and plus, you’re rich. You have a really nice phone just because you can.

Now, boys, you’ve lost four games in a row. I think it’s time for some restrictions. Your cell phones, please.

Yep, iPhones, too.

And of course, your Blackberries.

In the bucket, please. Thank you.

Yes, even you Kouz-who-wouldn’t-care-if-your-phone-got-ran-over. Sorry, I know you’re extremely cute, but you’re in a slump too.

Now, this is an especially cruel punishment since you guys are on the road right now. You want to call your family? There’s a phonebooth right over there.

You’ll have to take turns, though. 10 minutes each.

Now boys, I know it will be hard to not be able to talk to your family and be distracted by your phones, but right now you need to get out to the batting cages and work, work, work. You only got five hits yesterday. Two runs in support of Jake. I expect much better from you guys.

Especially Brian, Kouz, and Cheadley. You guys are spending at least five hours in the cage today. I don’t care that you’re in Chicago. You can go sightseeing next time that you come around here. Right now, we need to get your bats going, and we need to get winning.

While the guys are batting like they never have before, let’s take the pitchers out on the field and teach them how to pitch. Jake, you did your duty last night. You can go get a massage on that arm.

But the rest of you, especially the bullpen guys, are in big trouble. Let’s see…Edwin Moreno, you gave up a run yesterday, right? Thought so. Let’s work on you first.

First of all, Ed, the point of pitching is to get strikes. You’ve never heard of that? Oh boy. It’s going to be a long day. Well, how ’bout you, Cla? You know, when you come into a situation where runners are already on base, you’re not supposed to let them score. It’s a game, you see? Try to keep the runners from scoring.

Aw, nevermind, you’re really bad at that game.

Oh, hello, Chase, done with your batting already? OK, how ’bout you go play with the ivy out there?

Now that we’ve learned how to throw strikes, boys…oh, you didn’t quite get it, Duaner? That’s OK, I don’t think you’ll be hanging around here much longer anyways.

Where was I? Ah yes, let’s go back to the clubhouse and talk about the evils of the sand uniforms. Hello, Jake, done with your massage? Good, maybe you would like to say a few words about the horrible games you’ve gone through with the sand uniforms. Don’t forget that you got your fifth loss last night because of them!

Oh, hi, Brian and Kouz, you guys look exhausted! No, Brian, you cannot call your mommy. They just set up batting practice on the field for you!

Well, boys, you played a bad game last night. Besides Adrian’s two-run homer, you guys didn’t give any runs to poor Jake. You just handed your ace his fifth loss of the season. He should have at least five wins by now, but because of you guys, he only has two.

You really need to pick it up, boys. The fans are getting upset, and they might leave. All you’re doing is proving that you’re the horrible team that everyone predicted you would be. You’re headed straight to the cellar, and all you’d be doing is proving people right. We want you to prove them wrong. Show the fans, show San Diego that you can play hard and that you can win. If we don’t live together, we’re going to die alone.

You aren’t working as a team here. It’s like the hitters, the starters, the bullpen, and the defense are all different parts. You’re not working together. One guy will get a hit. One guy will give up a bunch of runs. If you don’t live together, you’re going to die alone.

So, after all that BP, I expect you guys to go out there tonight, score a lot of runs, hit when it matters, and get a win. Chris Young has been giving us superb outings, he can hold the Cubs down while you get some runs.

Come on boys, it only has to be a few hours without your phones. If you get the win tonight, you’ll get your phone back as you’re walking into the clubhouse. But you gotta get that win first🙂

GO PADRES!!

(and yes, I am very excited about the season finale of LOST tonight!!)

This is great! I love it. You know what, you and I really need to get hired by the Padres so they can follow the restrictions🙂 If David Eckstein “hands” his cell phone, I’ll take it! LOL. Seriously, I can’t live without my phone and itouch. I’m actually writing this comment with my itouch right now! If the Padres can’t win today, I will come up with something to “punish” them.http://hyunyoung.mlblogs.com

Taking away an athletes phone? Not a bad idea. But if they went on a hot streak, they would need it back right away to call their agent so they can re-work their contract.Russhttp://wight4256.mlblogs.com

Great idea…no cell phones!! And look, they even took Manny away for you guys!! Hope the Padres get out of this slump. Looking forward to seeing them make the post season this October!!http://irishsoxkid19.mlblogs.com

Meta

The following are trademarks or service marks of Major League Baseball entities and may be used only with permission of Major League Baseball Properties, Inc. or the relevant Major League Baseball entity: Major League, Major League Baseball, MLB, the silhouetted batter logo, World Series, National League, American League, Division Series, League Championship Series, All-Star Game, and the names, nicknames, logos, uniform designs, color combinations, and slogans designating the Major League Baseball clubs and entities, and their respective mascots, events and exhibitions.