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Hello... I am a 20 year old Bisexual male from Canada. I am not sexually active all that often because I am extremely nervous of getting HIV from someone. I always use condoms, water based lube and I always ask status before I do anything.

This past Sunday, I met with a guy. He performed Oral Sex on me, and it got really intense from there... but this is not the exposure that I am worried about (I have read about the risks associated with oral sex)

During that time there were no condoms present and there was anal frottage (my johhnson was rubbing against his anus) and I was almost sure that there was not any penetration because I feel that I would have felt it. I emailed him a couple of times and got a response back last night. He said that he did indeed penetrate me, he said his ass went down on my johnson somewhat. Now because for about 3 quarters I was able to move my penis fairly freely and back it away from his ass, the only point it could have been was for a very brief period (couldnt have been more than a minute at the most), before he got off and ejaculated me. The think is I don't remember feeling the intense pressure on myself when someone does go down on me. I never bottom, but the thing is if there was more penetration than that, I still don't know what my chances are, I am certain that never did he go down entirely on me because I know I would have felt it, but if there was some brief penetration is this still not super risky? I plan to go get tested in September at 6 weeks and then again in October at 10 weeks... Should I expect to test negative out of this??

Kyle, from what you have described I would say it's extremely unlikely that you really fully penetrated this guy. There may have been some "dipping," a slight insertion, but it's not clear that even that happened.

Given your anxiety about the incident getting tested is a good idea. 6 weeks is good and then you can confirm what I expect will be a negative result by re-testing at 13 weeks.

You've got the right idea about using condoms everytime and water-based lube. Asking someone about his status is not the way to go. Even well meaning people don't always know their accurate status. And from my point of view if someone wants to volunteer that information it's fine but it's not something one ought to ask. And in any case, what you do in terms of protection should not be based on what you're told. Just always follow safer sex guidelines and you'll be fine as far as HIV is concerned.

You know, becoming sexually active is often very anxiety-provoking as well as exciting and enjoyable. It's all a part of the deal. Stay productively busy during your waiting period and the time will pass more quickly than you may imagine possible. Ultimately I expect you will come out of this ok.

as I said before I'm not even sure he dipped into me. he says he went down on me somewhat. So what exactly that means, he may not know the different between dipping and penetration means, because like I said I'm sure I would have felt it if he had gone down on me, because at first there is always that immense pressure and I am 99% sure that he did not fully penetrate me, that being said what is my risk level here? Is it enough that I need to worry about this?

Kyle, let's get clear about this. Are we talking about you having been penetrated or you having penetrated the other guy? You use the phrase "gone down on me," which is usually about you having your penis sucked and is not a term used for anal sex.

When it comes to sexual matters it's good to get into the habit of being clear, simple and specific about what you have to say.

Sorry Andy for not being more clear, this is about me not being sure if I penetrated him thats what I meant by him going down on me somewhat I think I would have felt it I think, I dont even remember that happening and if it did it couldnt have been for more than a few seconds just before he got his ass away from my johnson and made me ejaculate... his ass on my johnson somewhat... but like I said I wasn't entirely sure... he even did that, he said he did somewhat... what that means I dont know

OK. So for future reference I suggest you be real clear about what is being discussed.

From what you have described of the incident it would appear to me that you probably didn't do more than have your penis head penetrate him very slightly and briefly, if even that. Since there seems to be some doubt about what actually happened, getting tested is a good idea.

My expectation is that you will test negative.

In the meantime while you are waiting to test you need to stay productively busy and the time will pass more quickly than you may imagine possible at this moment.

I'm pretty sure that I didn't fully penetrate him, because I know I would have felt it, I have for sure felt it with the other guys I have been with (protected by the way) and just as I begin to penetrate them there is always a great amount of pressure put on my johnson, and I know that I did not feel that pressure with him, so if as you describe and my penis head only penetrated him very briefly what would my risk level have been? Is it something that I should worry about in the meantime?

I'm pretty sure that I didn't fully penetrate him, because I know I would have felt it, I have for sure felt it with the other guys I have been with (protected by the way) and just as I begin to penetrate them there is always a great amount of pressure put on my johnson, and I know that I did not feel that pressure with him, so if as you describe and my penis head only penetrated him very briefly what would my risk level have been? Is it something that I should worry about in the meantime?

I'VE ALREADY ANSWERED THIS QUESTION MORE THAN ONCE. IF IN FACT THERE WAS BRIEF PARTIAL PENETRATION THE RISK WAS EXTREMELY LOW TO NIL.

SHOULD YOU WORRY ABOUT IT IN THE MEANTIME? WHAT DOES IT MATTER WHAT I SAY? YOU SEEM TO BE JUST REPEATING YOURSELF SO TELLING YOU NOT TO WORRY WOULD BE LIKE TELLING YOU DON'T BE NERVOUS. YOU'RE THERE ALREADY. I TOLD YOU WHAT TO DO DURING THE WAITING PERIOD. STAY PRODUCTIVELY BUSY.

You honestly think the odds are in my favor?

I'VE TOLD YOU WHAT I HONESTLY THINK. I HAVE NOTHING MORE TO ADD. NOW WE'RE JUST DANCING AROUND HERE. YOU HAVE SOME WAITING TIME. GET BUSY IN YOUR LIFE WITH OTHER THINGS. NOW!

Andy I do apologize, I know this fear is probably irrational, but I'm going on my memory and the heat of the moment things can be rememberd but at the one thing that I do know is that I did not fully penetrate him, and thanks to your advice I am for sure going to wait till October gets here, get my negative test and then woohoo and always make sure I am careful. Thanks for your advice Andy

Thanks for your advice and your words. You have really good credentials so I am for sure going to take your advice. I start a new job Tuesday so that for the next few months should for sure keep me busy before October, then I will go in at the 12-13 week mark to go and get tested and then move on with my life, but I do expect to test negative as does my best friend, It's just when I get home and am on my own, that I think about it so I should for sure just move on and get on with my life because fretting about it doesnt exactly do anything, I have to wait and I have to deal with that.

I've been doing some research, and talked to a few people. From what I can garner my risk was extremely low. That being said I went to thebody.com and Dr. Bob says that dipping constitutes a risk. I'm trying to get past it and move on, but I am still thinking about it. I do expect to test negative in October but I am still worried. That being said there was no ejaculation and it wasn't full penetration, and it wouldn't have been more than 30 seconds-minute at the most and I'm still not 100% sure that his ass went down on my penis head at all. I know my shaft was not used, because if he was on me he was on his knees and he was a tall guy, That being said I'm still trying to avoid the internet sites because I don't want my anxiety to go up, but it's still in the back of my mind. I believe my risk was extremely low. I'm hoping that I will be ok out of this.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

I hope to be as well, as I said I expect to test negative it's just the wait time inbetween thats killer, but I've got to wait till October at 3 months before I can get on with it, I start a new job so that should keep me busy in the meantime

I know that my risk was tiny and I just need to get through the next three weeks to the first test, it should go by quick, Ive got a job interview and with the US open coming up that should take my mind off things. I'm going to try and stay off the internet. Im still not even sure I penetrated him, if i did it was brief.

Went in at 11 weeks and a day and got tested... I've been told that it's ok for testing. I found out today that while the guy insists he is clean he could be unknown so it drives me nuts. I will know by Friday or Monday at the latest... I think I will be ok, but I gotta know for sure... If I do come back negative never again will I do anything to put myself in that position.

Went in at 11 weeks and a day and got tested... I've been told that it's ok for testing. I found out today that while the guy insists he is clean he could be unknown so it drives me nuts. I will know by Friday or Monday at the latest... I think I will be ok, but I gotta know for sure... If I do come back negative never again will I do anything to put myself in that position.

Kyle,

Please don't use terms like "clean" when talking about a person's HIV status. I have HIV infection and I'm willing to bet I'm a damn sight "cleaner" than you.

Sorry I didn't mean to insult anyone, that's just the genral term that I've always used with everyone, I should have said he insists his status is Negative... but for my own personal peace of mind that I wanted get tested, I think I will be ok, I know its not something that is easy to get and the time was very brief and there was no way it was full penetration

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Again I apologize for not using correct terminology when it comes to this. The guy continues to insist that his status is HIV Negative, I had the test done and will know by Friday, I started a new job but I obviously can't be consumed by this. I hope to finally be able to move on with my life from here. I am taking the advice previously and do expect to test negative. Again I am sorry if I have offened personally, I never in any way meant to do that.

Is getting tested at 11 weeks and a day good enough for testing? Should I go back on the 28th and get tested again or would that be sufficient enough time to make sure that I can fully move on? I would have tested this Sunday which would have been 12 weeks or do I need to go in again at 13 to officially confirm or would it be ok to think that Im negative and can finally move on? Thanks

I decided to wait until the three month mark to get tested... I did and the results have come back negative. I am finally able to get past this irrational fear and now I officially know my limits of what I am willing and NOT willing to do. I want to thank everyone here for the words of wisdom it really has been a hellish three months and now I am going to move on with my life. And to those who I may have offended, again I apologize for any offence that I may have caused I am now better versed and thanks again. I'm off to celebrate (while keeping the condoms handy) Thanks guys

I have taken the advice of everyone here. I had sex (protected anal) about 3 weeks ago. I used a condom and lots of water based lube. However I have a quick question. I think im totally fine here but... I put on the condom and used lots of water based lube. It was put on me correctly with the little tip at the top to dispel any air or whatever to prevent breakage. However when I pulled out, while the condom was still on me I believe this is due to loss of erection, but that tip that was little was a whole lot bigger, than when I inserted. I'm not sure if I'm being clear here. I inspected the condom twice and there were NO holes, that I am 100% absolutely sure of. I assume this means I was still protected? I just mean that the tip of the condom was a lot bigger then it orignally was. I just believe this means it was due to loss of erection? I believe it was as I was not as hard as I was when I inserted. Any advice/reassurance would have been greatly appreciated. Thanks

#1, please keep all of your entries in this same thread. I have merged your latest question with your previous thread. Our rule is to continue using the same thread.

As to your question about the condom, if it had failed you would have known it. When a condom fails it's not about a teensy weensie little hole. The whole thing ends up looking like fringed hula hoop on your penis. So whatever cause the expansion of the tip is irrelevant. It was on your penis and it protected you. That's the important fact and not your fears.

There's no cause for concern about this incident in terms of HIV transmission.

Just a quick question. I was seeing a guy for a few weeks, and we were intimate. For the first time I was the bottom, however I was fully prepared and bought water based lube and condoms from the drug store. The only question I have is the matter of ejaculation. The condom was on him, and he was still inside me when he ejaculated. I examined the condom and there were no holes and the ejaculate was in there, so I do not have anything to worry about correct? As long as the condom was still on him when he pulled out (which it was) then I have nothing to worry about in this case? Thanks.

You've got the right idea. You can have as much anal intercourse as you like whether insertive or receptive as long as whoever is inserting is always wearing a latex condom. They do the job of protecting both partners very effectively.

Just checking in here. I recently engaged in some sexual activity that included me performing oral sex on him, him performing oral sex on me and his penis rubbing against my ass. I know it didn't go in because I would have felt it. Anyways I believe I am ok in terms of HIV. I would just like some clarification. I plan on going and getting tested for ALL STD's at the end of next month as it will have been 6 months since my last test. I asked his status and he said he was in the clear.

The only thing that I would be would be worried about in terms of HIV is me performing Oral Sex on him. My oral health is fine (no sores, cuts, etc.) and there was no cum on his penis. If anyone could help with any clarification it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

Giving a blowjob is only a risk for hiv infection in theoretical terms. There have been long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one. This shows us two things. One, condoms are very effective for the prevention of hiv transmission. Two, oral sex is much lower risk than previously believed. We now have the evidence that oral sex is mainly a theoretical risk where hiv transmission is concerned.

As there wasn't even any cum involved in your blowjob, it's safe to say you had no risk whatsoever.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

That's good to know. I've heard conflicting stories about the risks associated with Oral Sex. I know it's virtually impossible for insertive oral sex. The only part worrying me was the receptive part of it, I have read however, that saliva can inhibit the virus and damage it and thus making it unable to infect? Something to do with the enzymes or something of that nature. My mouth has been in pain slightly but I believe that is from tongue scraping that occured afterwards, I inspected my mouth and there were no open wounds or anything like that, I had also put some oragel on too just because my cheeks were sore but again I think more to do with the tongue scraping than anything else. I still hope I am ok, but anyways I will be going to get tested in 6 weeks anyways. Thanks again.

Since the day that this occurred (Sunday) I have had a soreness in the gums that is still occurring as of today. I have done several inspections and all appears to be normal in terms of gums and there are NO signs of any wounds or cuts of any sort. Just the soreness.

I performed oral sex on the guy for no more than 30 seconds and to my memory there was no to very little precum on the guy. My only concern is in terms of risk of what could have happened if any of the precum had got into my mouth by accident. Obviously there is no way of knowing or not, But to the best of my memory there was no precum. He didn't ejaculate until after we had finished up.

However this could also be attributed to a rigorous tongue scraping that occurred the same day. I did it so hard to the point of accidental vomiting and whenever I put the tongue scraper in the back of my mouth on that exact same spot where the gums hurt that's when it gets tender so it could very well just have been the tongue scraping.

Do you recommend specific testing for this incident? I plan to go at the end of June as this will have been 6 months since my last exam and 6 weeks since this occurrence. If anyone could clarify it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

I am so freaking out right now. I went to a gay bar last night. I was going to leave but I met a guy, he was a cute Cuban guy and told me he was 27. We went back to his place and watched a movie and chilled on the couch, we didn't do anything major, made out, but he bit the part under my tongue and made it bleed, but not major. He then proceeded to perform oral sex, again not a big deal, however I believe he only fingered me anally, is there a distinct difference between a finger and a penis? I believe there is a distinct difference and I truly believe that his penis was inside of his shorts and because of the way he was situated on the couch there was no way his penis could have penetrated me.

But then we went to bed and tells me he's 38!!! He told me that because he sees a guy he likes and age shouldn't matter it's how you feel. Well he lied to me, but he says his normal age at a bar and he gets rejected because Canadian boys have a thing about age. I was going to go leave, he told me that he liked me still but that he was actually 27, and then asked me how I felt and what I wanted to do, my head was spinning and then it turns out he was actually 38, I slept in his bed for an hour, nothing happened again but I woke up and I just couldn't. He fingered me (sorry to be so brutal) and well I got you can imagine, but Mel, I'm freaking out, who's to say this guy couldn't have had HIV? what if he had raped me? What if I had let him get to know me and had all this shit to happen to me? It's probably because of the Hang Over, but I just need to calm down, I'm freaking out and crying and don't want to be alone. I'm freaking out. I don't want to do anything or go anywhere or do anything. I'm scared to leave my room. I think I need to sleep but I am still spinning. I don't know what to do! Did I have any risk? Thanks

First of all, nothing you did in this situation put you at risk for HIV transmission. Period. Nothing.

Now, if you can't tell a finger from a dick then I would say THAT'S a problem you need to resolve before you have sex again. Seriously, there's a kind of confusion and hysteria underlying what you have written which leads me to think you ought to be talking with a therapist or other professional and do some sorting out about your feelings in general and sex in particular.

This is not an HIV situation. I suggest you get your other issues addressed in an appropriate professional setting.

I do apologize Andy. I wrote that yesterday as I had just gotten home and was hung over, I was dazed and confused and I do realize that I must be more careful in making these kinds of judgements when I go out.

I do realize that this is not an HIV situation however when we were making out, his teeth bit underneath my tongue and caused the inside of my mouth to bleed, I did clean out my mouth, but this would not be a cause for concern would it?

As for what else happened, I do not that it was his fingers and not his penis. Again that was part of the confusion and my mental state yesterday, I had consumed a lot of alcohol and was brushing off the effects of it. A lot of sleep later and I am much more composed and I am not worried. I am just glad that this situation is over and I will move on. Thanks

If you don't move on and get some one-on-one help, you'll be moved on. You've been here long enough to know our posting guidelines. Keep coming back with this kind of stuff and you'll be given a time out.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

I will move on with my life as I know that this is NOT an HIV situation, probably more to do with lingering anxiety than anything. I think it's time I start talking to someone, I can't be afraid everytime I do something with a guy, I know what is considered is risk and what is not and clearly this situation is not a risk and I do apologize. Thanks.

One last word of caution: Mixing excessive drinking with sex is a very dangerous combination. Have all the sex you like and with whomever you choose. Just do it the safer way with condoms everytime and soberly. Let the experience itself be your high instead of alcohol.

I just have one quick question. Is it common for the anus to be quite sore after rigorous stimulation with the fingers? I was fingered quite rigorously and he got up into my prostate which is supposed to be quite a common sexual act, I just spoke with a local nurse and she wasn't too sure, other than that if this lasts more than a couple of days to go see a doctor. I was quite sore after the first time I had bottomed, and this is the same kind of soreness. I have never been fingered and I was fingered quite rigorously so I'm just wondering if it is possible to feel the same kind of pain after fingering. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

I went in on June 28 for my HIV Tests as well as other STD's and everything came back negative, the last incident I described was the last time I was sexually active with someone, I am hoping that I can say I am fine and conclusively HIV negative? Thanks for all the advice and support, I have learned to deal with my fear and know that as long as I am using condoms that I should continue to remain ok. Thanks