How to be Charismatic & Charming

When I was writing this post, I toyed with calling it: How to be Popular. Then I sort of cringed because “popular” has such a negative connotation. What does it even mean? I find that it’s far more important to be charismatic, friendly and overall just a fun person to be around. Really, if you pick apart the aspects of being “popular,” the desirable ones are the charisma and charm! It’s not necessarily about how many people you know and have in your life, it’s mostly about how you make those people feel and how you connect with them.

I was inspired by this because I’m on the board of a club on campus, which means interacting with a lot of freshman and general members of the club. I’ve been more charismatic than ever and it’s not only made me feel great but also it’s helped me make connections with people.

1. Get Names & Remember Them

When meeting someone or talking to someone casually, make a point to ask their name. It helps you to create a stronger connection while showing you have an interest in this person. It always makes me feel so happy when people I’ve only recently met greet me by name!

And, if you suck at it, be candid. Say that you remember them and are glad to see them again and just ask their name next time you see them.

2. Remember at Least One Important Detail

Not every conversation is going to be a deep, heart-to-heart with intricate details. But, you can remember small details. Remember at least one thing: Are they in a band? Do they love chicken nuggets? Are they from the town near yours? Are they a Bio major? Doing this helps remind them that you’ve listened and they also give you something to chat about when you’re making small talk.

“How was band practice last night?” or “How’s that class with Prof Jones going?” are casual questions to ask that show you’ve been listening and you care (even if you don’t particularly care).

3. Say “Hello”!

When you pass someone you know, acknowledge them! I used to be bad at this, opting to stare at my phone or pretend not to see people I was sort of friends with instead of just saying “Hi! How are you?”

Bonus? Throw in their name. It sounds like a small detail, but hearing someone say “Hey Paige!” makes me feel extra special.

4. Follow Up

If you say you’re going to give them a recipe or message them to hang out, do it! Even if it seems sort of late, it’s worth reaching out. When you’re trying to be charismatic, it’s important to follow up. If you bump into someone and say, “I was just going to message you! We should grab coffee!” you should make the plan then and there or text them later or in a few days to follow up and solidify the plan!

5. Ask Questions

Generally, people enjoy talking about themselves. When you’re trying to be charismatic, a genuine interest in the other person’s life, hobbies, etc. is incredibly helpful. Even if you’re not genuinely interested, fake it until you make it…or can change the subject.

6. Acknowledge Other’s Accomplishments

It can be as simple as saying “You were great in the game last night!” or “I saw on Facebook you just landed an internship, congratulations!” It’s always a great feeling when others acknowledge your accomplishments and show that they’ve been paying attention to you!

7. Remember Body Language

When someone is speaking to you, lean in. Face them. Make eye contact. These small things can make a huge difference. Bonus? If you’re standing in a circle of people and notice someone on the outskirts or trying to get into the circle, bring them in. Make space for them and earn some good karma.

8. Know When to Quit

The line between being charismatic and being annoying can be a fine one. If the conversation keeps falling to a lull or the person you’re speaking to is visibly not interested or bothered, find a way to exit the situation while keeping that charismatic charm. Try using a line like: “Anyway, it’s been nice seeing you. I’m going to head back and start on some homework. See ya!” or “Well, I should probably get going. See you around!”

9. Find a Common Ground

Personally, whenever I find someone from my hometown, I get extra charismatic and excited. Finding something in common whether they’re wearing a band shirt of a band you love or they’re reading your favorite book, bring it up. I’ve literally made friends by saying, “Hey! Is that an All Time Low shirt?” or “You’re from New York, too?” It always sparks plenty of conversation.

You genuinely never know who you can meet if you start to comment on things you notice strangers talking about or wearing. I’m not saying to eavesdrop on everyone, but I am saying that, sometimes, it’s okay to interject with a: “I don’t mean to eavesdrop, but are you talking about Harry Styles? I love him, too!” As long as you’re forming similarities and, as #8 says, know when to abandon ship, you should be just fine.