(Special Note: As always, I’ve changed the names and identities readers to protect them. With that, every story I tell, was with permission from said reader)

Tip #1: Maid Of Honor Gone Bad

Modern Manners Guy loves a good drunken wedding story, and this one won’t disappoint. From the drunk uncle dancing like a buffoon, not realizing the music stopped ten minutes ago to the Maid Of Honor (MOH) who “can’t handle” her best friend getting hitched, drinking too much before their big speech. The latter situation, starring a scorned bridesmaid/groomsman is my favorite because that gem of a person truly doesn’t respect their friend. If they did, they wouldn’t have gotten toasty before their toast. So instead of being an adult (and a real friend) MOH Megan drowned her sorrows in Champagne hours before the first photo and continued to give her liver a beating with shots of Jägermeister right up to her planned speech. It’s here where the party really gets interesting. By “interesting,” I mean disastrous. Despite being like sisters since they were in grade school, when it came time to take the mic at Andrea’s wedding, Megan used her moment in the spotlight to express her feelings about the groom, Scott. As you could guess, her list of Scott’s qualities wasn’t exactly “admirable.” From how he cheated on Andrea in college and lied about being VP at his office to not being a good athlete (an odd dig, if you ask me), she pretty much ruined the night. I mean, sure Scott seems like a shmuck, but his wedding was not the time to pick him apart.

There are like a bazillion things wrong with this situation. For starters, when you know you’re giving a speech (let alone at a wedding), you should not use “liquid courage” for assistance. Even if the thought of public speaking makes you want to vomit, using alcohol to numb that feeling has never worked out for anyone. With that, you can’t play the hand of “you didn’t know that would happen” because deep down you knew what would happen. Everyone knows will happen when the down shots like a college freshman on Spring Break. This is Responsible Drinking 101. Regardless of your feelings towards your friend’s spouse, don’t use their wedding as an opportunity to voice your negative opinions. Not only is it rude to embarrass newlyweds, and every single person they hold dear, but you embarrasses yourself. What did Megan think would be accomplished? Did she really think Andrea would have a change of heart at the last minute, with the rest of the room congratulating Megan for putting Scott on blast? Did she expect a rousing applause? If you truly dislike the spouse you have two options; politely decline the offer or suck it up. Say you don’t like speaking in front of people, or that you’re not the right person for the job. Your call. You can just be honest. “Look, I’m happy for you, but you know I am not a big fan of Scott. It’s going to be hard for me, I’m sorry.” Granted your friend may be mad but you have be up front and honest. Destroying their day will never win over—or keep—friends. Or, worse case you deal with it and focus more on your friend. Either way, not embarrass them.

Tip #2: A Memorable Exit

The Ari Gold character from Entourage could very well be one of the greatest antiheroes of all time. His brash, ignorant flip outs made for legendary scenes. But in reality, if you worked with Ari Gold, you’d likely dread every minute. Yet some people think embodying Ari Gold’s “aura” is a way of being cool or rebellious. However, the one thing people who idolize characters on TV—and try to mold their own lives around them—forget is what happens on the tube is not real life. In reality, no one would have tolerated Ari’s antics and I’m pretty sure he would have been sued for harassment on a regular basis. Still, this didn’t stop Darrel’s ex-coworker, Evan, from pulling an “Ari Gold style beat down” (his words) on his coworkers the day he walked off the job. This wasn’t a situation where Evan was fired as you would think. No, he was leaving the company—on good terms prior to his last day—to “be his own boss.” So rather than walk off into the sunset a new man, and spend the remaining days taking long lunch breaks and living it up, he took a page out of Ari’s book and wanted to become a legend. Out of all the wild antics from Ari, Evan thought the scene of Ari walking into his office with a paintball gun, splattering those that wronged him would be an ideal way to exit. Classy, right?