Who says Palo Alto is free of McMansions? I had given up the dream of spending less than $700/sq ft in Palo Alto, but this Spec House misadventure proves it saves to buy in bulk. Plus it has a totally classy fountain burbling in the front yard.

This listing caught my eye because I noticed they have a flyer sign out on Colorado Ave that actually lights up at night, so I looked up the Redfin knowing it would be full of win.

Wait… spec house misadventure? How can anyone have a misadventure when they’ve lit your way there? Although the price history may tell us a thing or two.

And here we thought the misadventure was the .60 FAR or the 11 HDR. So let’s help this poor spec house. What is keeping it from generating dozens of overbids?

Bunus: Mawbul kawlums are rectangular! Break out the red arrows!

Update 10:41 am: Two more kawlums lurking on the right of this picture, noted by Burbed reader SEA. Mawr red arrows, please!

March 26, 2012

One of the things that keep readers engaged with this site are the atrocious listing photos that are supposed to engage potential buyers. Now, there are a number of ways a photo can fail to attract the people who might otherwise wish to buy a home. Some are because the agent didn’t bother cleaning up the house, or didn’t notice something in the picture that really shouldn’t have been included, or because there really is nothing attractive about the house no matter what angle you shoot from.

But there can also be photography problems on the higher end of home sales. High Dynamic Range photography allows more differences in light and dark areas of a photo, to make a picture appear more vivid. HDR is usually done by taking photos of the same scene at different exposures and having the images rendered together. If you’d like to learn more about HDR, there’s a nice overview on the subject on Wikipedia, and they’ve included this image of what HDR can achieve. Then again, the overly saturated colors and the bizarre color shifts between each palm tree make this photo a candidate for I Hate Your HDR.

The problem is when HDR isn’t done with restraint and balance, and that brings us to today’s featured home. Many thanks to Burbed reader Tracy Tea House for this hella high definition domicile!

This is a Classic French Estate. A pool is so Hollywood. Then again, a structure built in 2000 that’s just 131 square feet too small to qualify for the “ginormous” tag isn’t a Classic French Estate. If it were, the city it’s in would have a name more like Les Chats.

If you’re into megahomes pretending to be Classic French Estates, this isn’t the worst example of the genre. I mean, heck, it even has MAWBUL KAWLUMS, but not an excessive number of them. That means break out the Official Burbed Red Arrow Kit, but it would have been more instructive to use them on the crappy HDR job. First take a look at the photo atop this article, and pay careful attention to the way the sky color gently transitions from a darker to lighter tone (at least as long as there aren’t any palm trees interfering).

Contrast (ha ha) the Wikipedia shot with some from today’s house. The one immediately above with the porch rail suggest these trees are radioactive. And this one at left not only has plants full of radium, someone set us up the bomb inside the house as well. The fountain looks like it’s in danger of a core meltdown. You can see the same effect in the sky above the Kawlums.

If you’re having trouble seeing that HDR luminescent glow, don’t worry. This interior picture at right really punches it up to 11, because the sky is only sky-colored where it doesn’t actually touch a window frame. Thus you get blue-grey blobs of color surrounded by white when you look out the window. That is, if you can tear your eyes away from the living room furniture in HDRVision.

Remember, HDR is supposed to be used to heighten shadows and highlights, not to blow out our eyeballs. Besides, the kind of buyers this photo would attract will be so disappointed by how colorless and flat the actual house is.

HUuh??? Built 1950 “newer home” 708 sf with 3/2 and the most ginormous lot.. I am confused. I like the “Low maintenance backyard” and the storage shed might be bigger than the house.

The house is 708 sf, but the agent reports it as 1420? Maybe the garage and that storage shed were added into the sqft land. And do you see what’s there on the front porch? I think it’s time to break out the Burbed Red Arrows, because we’re looking at some MAWBUL KAWLUM ACTION.

Also have to wonder about this Realtard leading with the kitchen cabinets instead of the awesomeness of these profound pillars.

Fortunately, there’s plenty of greenery in the back yard, so don’t worry about the seller neglecting the landscaping.

In fact, there’s so much treasure to hunt for, both on the property and in the surrounding neighborhood, that both you and your kids will enjoy being told to play outside in the Low maintenance backyard! That is, if you and your kids are intrigued by vintage automotive finds.

January 25, 2012

We’ve got an awesome Guest Post for you today from Burbed reader Fun Dip, and it’s right in the back yard of Apple Computers! As you all know, Cupertino has a reputation for having the highest prices for the most boring, unexceptional, bland (did I say boring?) tract houses anywhere in the Real Bay Area.

So how much would you have to pay for a Cupertino house you might stop and take a look at? And would you stop if it were hidden among a group of others just like it?

Spectacularly appointed throughout – this house is simply sticking. This Luxury home, which is one year old house has never been lived in. Brazilian Cherry Hardwood Flooring, Custom Marble Inlay, Exquisite Chandeliers and Recessed Lighting, Gourmet Kitchen, Stainless Steel Appliances, Custom Designed Tiled Flooring, Two Gas Fireplaces, Downstairs Bedroom & Full Bathroom – OH Sat & Sun 12-5

This house is on the WRONG side of Cupertino!

Check out this truly awesome house. You can get completely lost in the beauty of this house. So much so, that once I got to the ending pictures of the patio overlooking the rolling stretches of hills, I suddenly realized those rolling hills were just my imagination and that roof sitting two feet away really is the neighbor’s.

I mean, even for a Cupertino rebuild, this goes over the top… You would expect to be squarely inside the RBA to have to go for a build like this. This is just Cupertino High at Monte Vista prices…

(I’ll let you see the awesomeness around the front doors of this one for yourself, I just can’t bring myself to say it.)

This doesn’t seem a little like the first house for sale? Or pretty much similar to the house in between these two?

wtf, is there a secret underground tunnel connecting these houses? The houses look so similar, I initially didn’t realize there was a house in between them when looking on Street View.

And check out the description on the second listing. “This home is truly One of A Kind!” Really? Are you sure? “One of a Kind” as in this McMansion is nothing like the two McMansions right next to it? Or does making “One of a Kind” in capital letters mean it’s pretty much the same as the one next to it, and slightly not as nice as the one after that?

So what is going on here? A midday hideaway for a former Apple executive? (rest in peace, dude). I mean, if I had that kind of money and wanted to build a place to retreat near work, I would definitely build multiple houses in case my wife came over. Or is someone trying to put this stretch of land back into the RBA? Let’s face it, as far as Tiger Moms go, crossing over De Anza Blvd might as well be crossing over 101. I’m really interested to see what happens to these!

Oh right, pan down to the end of Twig lane on Street View (two houses down). Nice truck… Nicer trailer!

November 28, 2011

Just because we’re looking at the best possible DEALS doesn’t mean we can’t look at homes all over the price map. For example, when you hear about places with asking prices over a million and a half, you’re thinking they’ve got to be in the Real Bay Area. But here on Burbed, we know that $1.5 million dollar homes can be found anywhere, because that’s what it means to have a Free Market! You are Free to ask any price you choose for your house, and everyone else is Free to tell you what they think of your brilliant idea.

Thanks very much to Burbed reader Tracy for this find in the beautiful Berryessa bivouac.

BEAUTIFUL ESTATE IN BEST LOCATION IN NORTH SAN JOSE BERRYESSA HILLS * HOME HAS A LARGE LOT OVER 1.25 ACRES – FULLY LANDSCAPE WITH FULL SIZE TENNIS COURT HOLLYWOOD CIRCULAR DRIVEWAY * PRIVATE GATE * HOME PACKED WITH BEAUTIFUL FEATURES FROM HARDWOOD FLOOR * ROMAN COLUMNS * MARBLE * LUXURIOUS BATHROOMS * CROWN MOLDING IMPRESSIVE STAIRCASE AND MUCH MORE

Too bad this house is on Camelot Drive. With all these columns it really ought to be on Great Caesar’s Ghost Circle, or perhaps Cassius Clay Court. Or maybe Camelot drive symbolizes the power of wishing prices. But then you have to worry about Mordred plotting against you behind the FULL SIZE TENNIS COURT HOLLYWOOD CIRCULAR DRIVEWAY.

And if you are wondering about the agent’s interesting approach toward the English language, Tracy sent me the listing copy from when the home was on the market before. (And it’s been listed three other times. According to Zillow the previous listing was for $1,788,950.)

Welcome to this elegant custom-built mansion. The immense formal entry will open to a colossal foyer which embraces any large social gatherings. A Sierra Heights Estate with balconies that overlook the spectacular city light, mountain, and valley views. Many Elegant Upgrades throughout the floor plan reveals the premium value of this home. 4-CAR Garage and many GUESS PARKING SPACES.

November 22, 2011

This San Francisco house was briefly mentioned in the zip code series this past weekend, and really deserves an appearance of its own. It’s not just a really expensive house in San Francisco, it looks like it comes with a huge number of challenges opportunities waiting to happen!

Large, Italianate view mansion. Four floors of occupancy. Formerly occupied as 11 units and presently vacant. Conditional Use Authorization obtained in 2009 to merge 11 units to 2 units (home with apartment). Although most original details remain, the home requires extensive remodelling in order to enjoy the 2013 America’s Cup.

This looks like a house that needs an in-person visit, what with the MLS not specifying how large the house or the lot is, or showing very many pictures either. When there are more snaps of the view than the house, you know it isn’t going to be “turnkey.” Instead, get your work gloves ready, because you’ll be spending the next year and a half fixing up this place in order to enjoy the 2013 America’s Cup.

Wouldn’t it just be easier to watch it on television?

Anyway, the public records say the home is 7335 square feet on a 6187 sf lot. No bedrooms but 12 bathrooms, formerly 11 units rented out. Given how tight the rental market is in SF, how do you think the tenants were cleared out? Arson? Blackmail? Cockroaches? Dynamite?

Here’s a couple comments on this home from Socketsite, back in 2009 when another Pacific Heights home that had been chopped into apartments failed to sell and was withdrawn from the market.

Posted by: Jake at March 27, 2009 2:51 PM

This would have been a great house if left alone.
The problem is that there was a period from the
thirties to the fifties when large houses were treated as white elephants. Many of them have been returned to their architecturally natural use.

Including… I am pleased to report, the James Francis Dunn mansion on Vallejo, for which the Planning Commission, in a moment of unusual enlightenment, approved, Thursday, a “dwelling unit merger” of eleven to two units!

Hooray for common sense! Commissioner Borden observed that the purpose of denying mergers was to preserve affordable housing, and apartments on this street would not be affordable by any measure.
The building is owned by the Rossi family, who as they noted, contributed a Mayor to SF.

Posted by: Conifer at March 28, 2009 11:02 PM

Holy Crap! I can’t believe that unit merger went through! I thought it would be DOA so I never bothered to check the commission’s decision. It was absolutely the right decision. 2250 is arguably THE most beautiful home on Vallejo St and should never have been chopped up.

James Francis Dunn is not the owner but the architect of this house, and he designed a number of “French Renaissance” apartment buildings throughout San Francisco. This book on Pacific Heights homes states that building an actual house was a departure for Dunn, and features this nice line drawing above.

The SF Chronicle article on Dunn’s designs describes this house in a footnote: “2250 Vallejo St., in Pacific Heights, originally a single-family house, is a playful take on Italian Renaissance with beautiful proportions and detailing.”

That’s a lot of Frenchified talk for what’s really important. KAWLUMS! And finding an agent who can’t spell remodeling but can walk you through an eight million dollar transaction. Best of all, this “architectural pastry” has the icing on its street name: associated with a large, prolonged bankruptcy.

November 20, 2011

Yes, we’re back with Northern California places on the Forbes most expensive zip code list. As you get ready for Thanksgiving, one thing you can give thanks for this Thursday is that this all-time favorite series (if by “favorite” I actually mean “causes excited readers to fling household appliances”) only runs on Sundays. That means it’s at least another seven days until the next installment! If you missed the last ones, you’ll want to catch up RIGHT AWAY so you are completely up on every aspect:

Also, beginning Friday will be Burbed’s Black Friday Sales! That’s where we scour the Real Bay Area in search of the best bargains out there for you. While you may not be able to afford the most expensive house in the most expensive zip codes, maybe you can afford one on the other extreme!

And now, the Top 100 of the Bottom 300 Most Expensive Zip Codes in the Country: This is Fourth Tier: Under a Million Median Means Middleclass Metroplex. Or the shorter version: Forbes screwed up again.

One of the few shared zips to survive Forbes and Altos Research’s data parsing, the most expensive zip in Redwood City is shared with tony Woodside, California. But you won’t find movers and shakers like Larry Ellison in Redwood City.

What you will find is this house, complete with Mawbul Kawlums, at a Woodside Price on a busy arterial that feeds I-280! The owners have been trying to sell it since 2009, no doubt because its neighborhood of “High School Acres” fails to evoke wealth, exclusivity, or prestige. Maybe they should rename it “Prep School Prospects” and see if that does the trick.

November 13, 2011

What will it take to make the zip code series stop? Lots and lots and lots of quality submissions! So until you send in your best guest post EVEH, we’ll be running these wonderful lists and photos for the next few hundred Sundays or until we run out of data, by which time Forbes (if they’re still a going concern) will have the 2012 list ready. But look on the bright side. No more annoying maps like last year!

Quick recap: Forbes messed up their data even worse than usual this year, plus many areas on last year’s list have completely disappeared without explanation. We add in the comparison to last year’s rankings and find the “most expensive” house (if it’s findable) that Forbes mentions for each entry. While Forbes doesn’t seem that interested in hearing from their readers (registration is required), Altos Research, who did the number-crunching, loves talking data. They’ve responded to a couple of my concerns here.

Here we go, numbers 101-200, which are now under the Million and a Half Median! How Low do we have to go to sink under a million? Remember, this is the Third Tier, so Real Bay Area (RBA) bragging rights are gone (except for some exceptions).

#106: Alamo 94507

This high-end (for the East Bay) location south of Walnut Creek is stuck in atop the third tier right where it belongs, just a few spots above Newport Beach. This luxury home that looks more like an administration building kind of says it all. Free architectural clue: It’s the windows that make this place a façade fail.

A new $13.8 million property has come on the market since the Forbes article ran, and it has a more traditional (and attractive) look, in the classic “Let’s build a French country estate in Contra Costa County” style.

Plenty more to enjoy after the break! In fact, we promise the very next one is a Burbed favorite, so click on through.

I deliberately misled you by putting the last picture up on the Redfin overview shot. That’s the guesthouse, or the equestrian facilities, or maybe both. I used that shot because I thought Burbed readers really enjoy seeing the house in KawlumVision.

And if that isn’t worth $23 million $19 million, I don’t know what is. Although it’s too bad you won’t have Larry as a neighbor if you buy here. His Japanese castle is almost a mile away. Neighbors love having Larry next door since he picks fights about things like tree heights and solves the problem by buying your house for $40 million.

country location four bedrooms and four baths three car garage huge yard great for family and kids

Here’s why nomadic thought you’d like to see this house:

Weird history

$3.4M in loans

Short sale listed at $2.2M

Last “sold” in 2010 for $600k

Let’s have a look at that history.

What? No previous foreclosures? No “not an arms-length transaction”? The seller isn’t a licensed real estate agent? It wasn’t sold in 2006 for twice the asking price? The Zillow history makes the above look a little stranger. Note the July, 2010 sale.

And $3.4 million in loans on the house sounds like something straight from Irvine Housing Blog. But here’s something you won’t see on IHB:

Yes, that’s this house in Google Streetview plus Burbed KawlumVision. No wonder the place went pending in only 4 days. I’m sure the bank will rush that offer right on through.

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The posts on this weblog are provided "AS IS" with no warranties, and confer no rights. The opinions expressed herein are my own personal opinions and only represent the view of Burbed.com's editor. Comments are the views of commenters, not Burbed. If companies, properties, etc are mentioned on this blog, you should assume that I have a financial stake in them. Trust no one.