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Investigators say Ralph “Bubba” Hillis (you can’t make this shit up) was arrested Monday evening in Richmond County. His alleged accomplice, Jerry Atkinson, also of Waynesboro, is still wanted. Both men are charged with malicious removal of the dead from a grave.

The Old Church Cemetery’s caretakers said the scene was “heart-breaking,” after they discovered a toddler’s bones spilled from a casket and the uniform buried with a soldier in another plot strewn on the ground. In all, five graves were desecrated, according to police reports.

Burke County sheriff’s Sgt. Sean Cochran said that relic hunting is a possible motive. Or, Hillis and Atkinson could have just been trying to attract the attention of Buckwild producers for their own series.

A reward of more than $2,000 is being offered for information on the desecration at the Old Church Cemetery, or information on the whereabouts of Jerry Atkinson.…

CHICAGO, IL – Let it not be said that superstition and lore have no place in modern-day baseball, as evidenced by Cubs chairman Tom Ricketts receiving a package in the mail at Wrigley Field on Wednesday afternoon. The contents? A severed goat’s head.

The goat’s head, in all likelihood, is a reference to the infamous curse of the billy goat, a piece of baseball history that dates back to the 1945 World Series, and an incident in which Sam Sianis, a Cubs fan, was asked to leave a game against the rival Detroit Tigers due to the smell of his billy goat. Lost in years of retelling is whether the goat was the man’s date, or had its own ticket.

According to Julian Green, a team spokesman, a package was dropped at Wrigley Field’s Gate K on Wednesday, addressed to Ricketts. The package was apparently delivered by an unknown person, and did not appear to have been delivered by the USPS. Police were called at around 2:30, when it was determined that officials had on their hands an, “intimidating package.” Bet that was a heckuva phone call.…

West Covina, CA — An unidentified man with a helluva DIY project in mind, apparently walked into a West Covina Home Depot Wednesday evening and proceeded to saw through both of his arms as horrified customers looked on.

Police and witnesses say the man calmly walked into the store’s tool section just before 1:00 p.m., grabbed several small handsaws, including one meant to cut sheet rock, and got busy.

“He cut both arms with hand saws down to the bone,” said West Covina police Cpl. Rudy Lopez. “He was pretty much intent on doing what he did.”

An off-duty paramedic from the Pasadena Fire Department had been shopping nearby and rushed to help.

“The officers had already found the man down, face down, blood all over the store, multiple aisles, and the whole store is in chaos,” the paramedic, Art Hurtado, said.

Hurtado told reporters he thought the man was dead, but when he checked he found breath and a slight pulse and said he thought to himself, “I can save this guy.”

With help from others, Hurtado rounded up some rags and rope and, poof!…

Palm Coast, Florida – A 68 year old man is dead after jumping on the trunk of the Hyundai Sonata his wife was driving away from their home.

The highway patrol investigator in charge of the case says many details are not available to give the public right now as the investigation is ongoing.

What they have stated is that before Richard Resnicoff fell of the car, he and his wife, 65 year old Lucille Horton, had some sort of domestic dispute. So far, it is unknown whether he hopped on the vehicle before she was in motion or if she was already roaring off.

The couple’s next-door neighbor, Bill Wescoski, reports he saw the car driving down the street and originally thought it was kids joyriding. At some point it struck him that it was, in fact, his neighbor Richard hanging onto the back.

“And I said, ‘Hey, that’s our neighbor.’ And as he goes down, and then the car sped up, you saw his feet up in the air,” described Wescoski.…

Spartanburg County, SC — Not much to this one – no one was shot, stabbed, eaten or even arrested – but because it involves flatulence, I had to get it posted. ‘Cause hey, I’m mature like that.

Police were called to the home of Shannon and Michael Manatis earlier this week after receiving a report of a domestic disturbance. Seems the Mr. let loose a butt burp that left the Mrs. gasping for air and fighting the urge to toss her cookies.

Shannon reportedly told the responding officer said air biscuit was “bad enough to cause her to almost puke.” So, in retaliation, she grabbed a can of vanilla scented Lysol (that exists?!?!) and sprayed it in the area her husband occupied.

She continued the story, claiming that as she turned to leave the residence, Michael started belly-aching about how she had sprayed him in the eye. She further claimed that Michael threw a glass of tea at the back of her head, and for that, she wanted to press charges.…

PLYMOUTH, MA — If you are interested in watching someone suffer severe backlash at the hands of the Internet because of a picture they posted on Facebook, then look no further than 30-year-old Lindsey Stone.

Stone was visiting the Arlington National Cemetery in October while on a paid business trip. She and a co-worker thought it would be funny to take this picture of Lindsey acting as if she was shouting while giving the finger to a sign at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier that asks for “silence and respect.”

Thinking that this was funny and clever and everyone would tell them what a laugh riot she is, Lindsey and her co-worker posted the image to their public Facebook profiles for the world to see. Of course, this turned out to be a real bad idea.

It wasn’t long before the picture went viral, outraging many, prompting someone claiming to be a disabled Operation Iraqi Freedom veteran to create a Fire Lindsey Stone Facebook page. He is demanding that Stone be fired from LIFE, the non-profit organization that helps adults with disabilities that Lindsey worked for and who paid for the trip.…

Pleasant View, UT — An 11-year-old girl in Utah has died after she accidentally impaled herself with a rod used to hold window blinds together.

Last Saturday morning, Nikki Clark was outside with her dog when she tripped while walking up the steps outside her parents’ home. She ended up landing on the rod which entered her chest, nicked her spine, and then exited out of her neck.

Nikki ran inside her house and, not knowing any better, removed the pole herself. The removal resulted in even more internal damage and caused massive bleeding.

“She immediately bled out within two minutes,” said family spokeswoman Brandi Babbitt.

Nikki was rushed to the hospital and underwent several surgeries and medical procedures, but doctor’s weren’t able to revive her. Nikki’s parents removed her from life support on Monday after she was declared brain dead and her salvageable organs were donated.

“It’s the decision we had to make ultimately because she wasn’t going to come back to us,” Tommy Clark, Nikki’s uncle, said. “The only thing we could do is let her go so she could be happy.”

The family is now looking at substantial medical costs on top of funeral expenses so a fund has been set up at U.S.…

On Nov 2nd, 46-year-old Dale Porch returned home from his graveyard shift but never made it inside. His body was found on the porch by his adult son around noon. His family noted that the mail had been delivered and presumed the mailman must have seen Porch, who had collapsed just a few feet away from the mailbox.

Turns out the mailman did, in fact, see Porch laying on the ground that day. In fact, he walked right by his body to deliver the man’s mail. But before anyone starts berating the mailman over his dedication to his job and lack of compassion, he has a pretty good excuse.

He states he thought the unconscious Mr. Porch was actually a mannequin set out as a Halloween decoration. While the post office is defending the mailman’s actions, calling it an unfortunate situation, they did take him off his route while they investigate.…

Santa Fe Springs, CA — According to the California Division of Occupational Safety and Health, a 62-year-old man working at a Bumble Bee tuna plant died after he was cooked inside an oven.

Sometime around 7 a.m. Thursday, Jose Malena was found inside a cooking device they are calling a “steamer machine.” Paramedics were called but they pronounced Malena dead as soon as they arrived.

Although they know who the man is, the coroner’s office is having some issues positively identifying Malena because of how badly his body was damaged in the machine. He died as a result of being “trapped in a pressure cooker,” Lt. Cheryl MacWillie said, bringing up images that do not play well with the breakfast burritos I ate earlier.

An investigation is currently underway in hopes of finding out how Malena, who had worked at the factory for six years, ended up inside the machine. I did a little Googling to find out exactly what this steamer machine looks like, and found some images of an industrial tuna steamer sold by JBT.…

I don’t know if any of you are aware of this chain of restaurants, but Tilted Kilt is like Hooters, but it’s Celtic-themed and the girls wear short kilts. The food is also better than Hooters, but that’s not saying much as any public school cafeteria has better food than Hooters.

Anyway, one of the restaurants is hiring new girls after being closed for over a year, and 20-year-old Jennifer Rogers applied for one of the positions. That’s not her in the picture, btw. This is Jennifer — I just couldn’t pass up a chance to post an image of a brunette with big tits.

After making it through the initial hiring process, it came down to Jennifer trying on the Tilted Kilt uniform. They come in three sizes, but Rogers could squeeze into any of them.…

The 32-year-old had been participating the store’s second annual Midnight Madness sale that included a cockroach eating contest. The winner of the contest would be the proud owner of an $850 Ivory ball python which, if he won it, Archbold had planned on selling to the friend who brought him there.

Around 30 people were compteting for the python, but Archbold was victorious after downing dozens of cockroaches and worms. His victory was short lived, however, as after the contest was over Archbold became ill and started throwing up. I have seen some horrific vomit in my life, some of it my own, but just thinking of what came back out of Archbold’s mouth almost trips my gag reflex.

Paramedics ended up being called to the scene after Archbold collapsed in front of the store. He was taken to the hospital where he was later pronounced dead. …

There’s already a spin-off titled Storage Wars: Texas, and there may wind up being a New York version as well…however, no Storage Wars-related filming has been reported in Florida…which is either really good news or a total shame based on what was found in a Pensacola storage unit last month: over 100 containers containing various human organs. YEP!

On Friday, 57-year-old Dr. Michael Berkland, a former assistant medical examiner, was arrested and charged with improper storage of hazardous waste, nuisance injurious to public health, and driving with a suspended license. (Check out the mug–can’t you hear the sad trombone “wah wah wah” tones?)

About three years ago, Berkland rented the storage unit, claiming its contents consisted of stuff like furniture and sporting and household goods…you know, normal junk many of us accumulate and just can’t seem to let go of.…