Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Kinky Feedback Loop

Two weeks ago, on a weekend we had to spend separately, Ludwig and I talked on the phone about our kinky plans for the upcoming weekend when we would be reunited. Ludwig offered me his bottom for my first training lesson as a top. The idea was to give me the chance to try different implements, to learn about their handling and effect. Well, of course I know the latter from my own experience as a bottom, but I have no idea how hard one has to hit exactly to cause a certain amount of pain and marks. The feeling of spanking someone is new to me as well and the thought of getting my hands on my mate's cute bottom made my imaginations run wild.

But surprisingly, there weren't only toppish thoughts on my mind. While I was making plans about which implements to use on Ludwig and how, vivid pictures of me being abused by a very dominant Ludwig suddenly entered my mind as well. I think many couples are afraid of switching because they think that it might destroy their top-bottom power dynamics. As for me, that doesn't seem to be the case. It looks like being given control as a top from time to time allows me to play out more extreme scenarios on the bottom side as well. I guess I need a certain balance of giving and taking because I've got both sides. More or deeper kinky experiences on the one side make me hungry for more or deeper experiences on the other side as well. It's a positive feedback loop!

I talked to Ludwig about my abusive sex fantasies and well, he didn't seem to be disinclined to bring these ideas to life, too. Obviously the thought of offering me his rear end for my top training produced some balancing dominant pictures on Ludwig's mind as well. After all, he had to re-establish what he calls the “natural order of things”... So, at the end of our phone call two very different scenarios were in the pipeline for the upcoming weekend. And yet they seemed to fit together very well.

Then I read Pandora's post The debt collectors. I don't know whether I would like to watch full clips from Sex and Submission because my abusive sex fantasies are very individual and closely connected to my love relationship with Ludwig and I'm not sure whether watching someone else in a fantasy they've created would really work for me. But in my opinion some of their stills are very aesthetic. Especially the last picture in Pandora's post, the one you see above, caught my attention.

So, I wrote the following comment: Pandora, as you know I'm not really into non-consensual scenarios (except for very sexual scenarios with Ludwig), but these are very beautiful shots nonetheless. And while the idea of having real sex with two men isn't appealing to me, the fantasy can be hot. The position the girl takes in the last photo comes very close to a position I mentioned to Ludwig a few days ago. Hmm, I have to show him that picture... Thanks for the inspiration! :-)

A few hours later I saw that Ludwig had written a comment as well. It read as follows: I had a feeling that Kaelah might like these pictures. Despite the fact that she is, of course, not into non-consensual scenarios. Not at all! Ever! Well, it should not be too difficult to reproduce the arrangement in picture number three. Cane, ropes, clamps... All available. In the absence of a second man, it will have to be an object for the second opening, but you will still get some enjoyment out of it, right, sweetheart?

Now, usually I'm not good at bratting. For me, bratting fits more to the “playing small” variant of spanking play and that's not my cup of tea. But in that mixture of top and bottom mindset, teasing each other suddenly became an eye-to-eye thing. And Ludwig's comment definitely required an instant reply. I think my follow-up comment was written even faster than my original one.

It said: I already admitted my interest in non-consensual scenarios in my comment, honey. But as you know they only occur in a very sexual context and only with you! And concerning that position: Well, I didn't go into much detail here, because I'm kinda shy, you know? You really shouldn't expose your shy little mate in public like that! But since you obviously aren't at all too shy to talk about more explicitly sexual things, maybe it's time to rename the blog like I already suggested some days ago. No more “Ludwig's Rohrstock-Palast”, but “Ludwig's Blowjob-Palast”.Hmm, apart from a scene including a position similar to the one shown in the last picture, wasn't there another thing we wanted to do the next time we meet? Oh, yes, as far as I remember we wanted to start my training as a top, with you as my training object. It seems that you've just given me something I can bear in mind during the training, just in case I suddenly become too shy for a proper training session...

Gladly, Pandora didn't mind Ludwig's and my comment ping-pong. As she wrote in her answer to Ludwig's comment: Woop woop! Lovers using my blog as a playground for mischievous flirting makes me grin :)

Last weekend, when Ludwig and I finally got together, really went on in this alternating mood and with that back-and-forth play between Ludwig and me. And we really managed to do both scenes! The top training of course deserves a post of its own. And the abusive sex? Well, as I already mentioned, I'm very shy...

So, instead of giving you a detailed account of the events that took place, let me leave you with three insights from last weekend: 1. Keeping a girl in an upright position by holding her arms like in the picture above doesn't work when you are kneeling behind her and can't put enough weight into it. She will fall over, lie flat on the bed in front of you, her head buried in the cushion and you'll both crack up laughing... 2. Topping someone is a good motivation for cleaning up. After all, I wanted an orderly environment in which I could neatly line up all the implements and I needed enough space to swing them... 3. Having spanked your otherwise rather toppy partner might lead to illogical dangerous actions like voluntarily offering him a stingy switch and your behind as a target for that mean little thing. Ouch!

Kaelah - Playing consensual non-consensual where complete trust exists (plus a safe word and no gagging allowed) does open up a very potent new ball game, sometimes called "force phantasy". In particular it introduces the eroticism of a threatened act by the top, like removing his trouser belt, without the threatened act of using it as a whip actually taking place. Except occasionally of course, to give substance to the threat. Quickly applied physical restraints are essential and a spirited resistance rather than a submissive attitude adds to the fun. A second man is usually an advantage.All of which you know already !

@ Peter:Thanks for your comment! Especially the part about resistance made me think because quite frankly I don't show much resistance during that “force play”. Why is that so? I think I found the answer. Honestly, I don't really feel forced when I live out those fantasies with Ludwig. Restraints and blindfolds are very essential for me in that kind of play, but they don't make me feel helpless and scared, they make me feel safe and free! It seems like I need the restraints and the dominant behaviour in order to let go, to focus on myself and to trust Ludwig to take over. I constantly have to make decisions in my normal life and have to be in control about everything. What I enjoy the most about my sexual play is the freedom to react instead of acting, to focus on my emotions and my sexual pleasure, knowing that Ludwig wouldn't do anything that harms me. It makes me feel free and helps me to get into a state of inner peace!

I do understand, Kaelah, but I think the blatant relief from all responsibility for initiating further action by the use of highly visible constraints and blindfolds must have much to do with that relaxed feeling.

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