Rep. Don Young huffed and puffed, and tried his best to foil a bid to add gray wolves to the list of endangered species, an effort backed by 79 of his colleagues on Capitol Hill.

“How many of you have got wolves in your district? None. None. Not one,” Young said Thursday during a House Natural Resources Committee hearing, the Washington Post reported.

He continued: “They haven’t got a damn wolf in their whole district. I’d like to introduce them in your district. If I introduced them in your district, you wouldn’t have a homeless problem anymore.”

A spokesman for Young told the Washington Post that the “analogy was purposely hyperbolic” and meant to stress that “these predators pose serious threats to wildlife management.”

I get that you were advocating to still be able to hunt wolves in your state because of the danger they pose to the community at large, but you might be on to something, Don. It’s no secret I’m anti-homeless. They’re an eyesore. They’re unpleasant and they take up valuable sidewalk space. We need to take action, and if we have to go full Mr. Burns and release the hounds, then so be it. This might be too savage for most of you softies, so I have another solution to the epidemic.

A few weeks ago, discussion of Mars One swept the office by storm. My viewpoint on the matter received mixed feedback — and by mixed feedback, I mean I was called “Space Hitler” and a truly terrible human being. Apparently no one else shares the opinion of using the homeless as lab rats. I see it as us killing two birds with one stone. If you honestly think the first shipment of people we send to Mars — in nine years, mind you — will successfully get there and actually colonize the Red Planet, you’re out of your fucking mind. Give the homeless “hope” of a new life, while working out the kinks..

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Dan Regester@Dan_Regester is a Senior Writer, Podcast Host, and Video Guy for Grandex Media. He's Delco trash to the core and a UCF cinema studies graduate because he never got around to applying to an actual film school. Dan is a gambling man, crypto investor, and procrastinator. He enjoys long walks to the water fountain between bench press sets and is not a fan of the homeless, the elderly, or the Phoenix Airport. Email tips to Dan@totalfratmove.com

He isn’t saying “we should let wolves eat all of the fuckin’ homeless!” He’s making a point that people become homeless because we let them become homeless. He’s trying to prove a point that people become homeless for reasons that are preventable in many cases. Yes, many homeless people have mental problems. However, those people are offered care in many instances, yet refuse it. Especially druggies. Part of the reason homeless druggies refuse care is because they are forbidden to use drugs while living in that care. If we had wolves roaming the streets, you can bet your ass that homeless people would think twice about abandoning care and getting their act together instead of giving that up for a little crack.

A decent amount of the homeless are veterans so I don’t think a wolf is the solution nor do I think it’s that scary to someone that’s been deployed and had the constant threat of being killed while they slept

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