It could get weird: Michele Bachmann ponders U.S. Senate run

When we last left Michele Bachmann, she was hastily bailing on her suburban congressional seat amid an investigation into hanky-panky concerning campaign spending. Since then, she’s reemerged only sporadically to engage her adoring public.

But Minnesota’s paragon of Biblical virtue may be returning to her former glory. In an appearance on the Jim Bakker Show, Bachmann said she’s being urged to run for Al Franken’s vacated Senate seat next year. And she at least appears to be entertaining the proposition.

Introduced by Bakker as “one of the most powerful congresswomen and speakers in American history,” Bachmann surely maintains support within the largest faction of the Republican Party, namely evangelicals and the cognitively delayed who propelled President Trump to office. But she expressed reluctance to once again enter the fray of Washington, which has been likened to a brawl among trust-funders flashing plastic cutlery.

“They show up with switchblades and brass knuckles, politically speaking,” Bachmann told Bakker. She further worries that, after America’s 50-year reign of ”sexual hedonism,” Democrats will launch a surprise attack next year with fabricated claims of carnal misconduct.

“I think there will be a rash of false sexual allegations right before the 2018 elections,” Bachmann said. “If you’re a Republican man or a Republican woman, they’ll come up with some phony-baloney charge at the last minute.”

Still, Bachmann is assured of support from the one guy who matters most: Jesus H. Christ. She noted how her presidential campaign was launched at the direct request from God. While He didn’t allow her to triumph, He was responsible for Bachmann pulling the rest of the GOP into an all-out war on Obamacare, she said. God, it seems, prefers that His flock suffer agonizing deaths, untreated, destitute, and alone.

If she does run, Bachmann would return to Washington on a foundation of “Biblical principles,” like keeping people from getting health care. And judging from her appearance on the Bakker show – appropriately hosted by an ex-con who fleeced his parishioners – Bachmann remains the one politician unafraid to say what others even fear to think.

She revealed that Planned Parenthood’s abortion services were actually a money-making racket.

“You can make a couple bucks by selling a decapitated head,” she observed.

She also weighed in on a country brimming with lust and perversion. “We are saturated in pornography. I would just ask these parents, don’t give your second-grader a phone.”