My, What a Busy Week!

MUSIC--Classic punk rock lives on in the form of Seattle's hyperactive rockers, the Briefs. Two-minute-long speed freakouts assure you won't spend another show texting on your cell. Also, make sure you get to this Mercury/Thrasher Low Dough Show early, because Portland's charmingly dirty, tatooed rockers the Gallows will exercise your eardrums first. KS w/Street Dogs, Clorox Girls; Dante's,1 SW 3rd, 9:30 pm, $5

MUSIC--Sufjan Stevens, he of great critical hubbub and even greater ambition, recently released Illinois,the second chapter of his 50-states series--an annual sequence that plans to celebrate each state in the union. For all of its inherently clinical gimmickry, Illinois is a surprising thoughtful epic, with 22 well-researched tracks nearly testing the capacity of its disc. ZP Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie, 7 pm, $14

MUSIC--Seems like forever since the Thermals have come out--wisely avoiding the hometown burnout so common in local bands. That's why we're excited again to bop around to their bouncy garage pop, reaffirming them as the stuff of summertime jam. MS w/The Kingdom, Wet Confetti; Loveland, 320 SE 2nd, 7 pm, $8

SATURDAY, JULY 23

MUSIC--With the few sunny days of summer finally upon us, it seems about time that Portland's festival season finally kick in to high gear. To that end, Yuma Nora's Amy Vecchione, an occasional contributor to the Mercury, presents the Fuck Death Fest: a day-long celebration of extreme and experimental musics featuring the likes of Dead/Bird, Two Oboes, Mikaela's Fiend, Sixes, and many more. ZP Liberty Hall, 311 N Ivy St, 5 pm, $6-10

SUMMER JAM--Yeah, I know… what summer? Though we may be victims of the lamest summer EVER, the KUBE Summer Jam is working to heat things up with the hottest hiphop stars. Check out New Edition, Ciara, Nas, Bone Thugs-n-Harmony, Jon B, Pretty Ricky, MIKE JONES!!!, and more--all at the beautiful Gorge Amphitheatre. WSH Gorge Amphitheatre, 754 Silica Road NW, George, WA, 2 pm, all ages, $49.95

SUNDAY, JULY 24

OX--In August, one of our most fascinating comic performers heads to Los Angeles to make it big with the renowned improv group the Groundlings (which trained Will Ferrell, among other mega-stars). So catch Andrew Oxbefore he's bigger than life, tonight, at his last Portland performance for a long time. He'll throw down with his notorious friends the House of Cunt, as well as the Garland Ray Project, Koto y Soto, Hott Pink, and the Trigger Kids. JWS Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 9 pm, $1-50

MUSIC--No matter how much time passes since I first encountered Clutch in the early '90s, they're always still relevant to me. Their heavy,bass-laden metal jamsbring the tough guys out in droves, but that just means more eye candy for us ladies. Am I right, ladies? Am I right? KSw/Every Day I Die, Mos Generator; Sabala's, 4811 SE Hawthorne, 9 pm, $17

MONDAY, JULY 25

MUSIC--In this special Monday edition of Housewarming, the fair city of Portland says goodbye to Portland Tribune music editor and former Mercury contributor Cortney Harding. Like every music journalist in the world, Cortney's about to be happily consumed by New York, but not before a celebration with the likes of Yuma Nora, I Am the Arm, Nut Brown, and Per Se. ZP Berbati's Pan, 10 SW 3rd, 9:30 pm, free

TUESDAY, JULY 26

MUSIC--Dada Swing are, as their name more than subtly suggests, rather arty, though not in an obtuse or un-danceable way. Also check the solo project of Erase Errata's Jenny Hoyston, Paradise Island, featuring urgent, sparse guitar and that familiar voice. MS w/Six Ft. Sloth, The Know; 2026 NE Alberta, 9 pm, $3

HIPHOP--On their own, Del tha Funkee Homosapien, Casual, Pep Love, and Souls of Mischief are as thrilling and respected as any hiphop artists around. Together, they are Hieroglyphics, an unstoppable team of rap power that could easily defeat the Fantastic Four in battle, though maybe not the X-Men. JWS w/Non Phixion, O.C., Boom Bap Project; Roseland, 8 NW 6th, 9 pm, $18

WEDNESDAY, JULY 27

GIRL FIGHT--Finally! Some classy entertainment in town! Forget minor league baseball and the losing hometown soccer team; this is real sporting entertainment: Jell-O Wrestling!! Slippery and sexy, a few lovely ladies hop into the ring--or, as it is, a pool filled with mm, mm, good grape Jell-O. Lip-smackin'. PB Sabala's at Mt Tabor, 4811 SE Hawthorne, 10 pm, $5