It’s About to Be a…Wait, What?

They’re a mother’s worst fear and many a man’s fantasy. Hair pulling, eye poking, catty slaps and scratches, are all part of the horrific display of female on female aggression known as a girl fight. Girl on girl crime is nothing new, but it seems that in recent years it has escalated from bullying and back stabbing to a full on battle royal. I’m constantly hearing news stories about young girls who have actually video taped themselves brutally attacking their peers. This causes my jaw to drop and to ask myself, what the fuck? Could it be that these girls are getting ideas from watching sleazy gossip based shows like Basketball Wives or Bad Girl’s Club? It seems pretty obvious that this is the case. American media is filled to the brim with reality television stars solving petty arguments with unnecessary ass beatings. It’s down right sick, and it’s influence on girls is just beginning.

I was in a girl fight once. Yep that’s right, I wasn’t always the passive non-confrontational girl that I am today. Back in ’07 I was known as a loud mouthed little punk who wasn’t afraid to prove how “tough” I was by talking shit to bigger girls. I’m not really sure how it started, and it doesn’t matter because it was probably really stupid. What I am for sure about however, is that, that girl was a good foot taller than me. I pulled her hair, I punched her in the left boob which was the only thing I could reach, and she gave me a fat lip. When they tore us apart I was still slapping and scratching wildly, only hitting the people who were trying to save my life. Her name was Blanca, she was sixteen and she beat my ass. Of course, as soon as I knew I was safe and away from her brick-like fists I began to puff up my chest. Screaming at the top of my lungs calling her every name in the book until she peeled down the street and away from the party. When I finally got home I cried, because I’m a lover not a fighter. The next morning I sat hunched over in my chair, smelling like sparks and camel lights, across the table from my mom at our favorite restaurant. Unholy and ashamed I tried to gum my brunch. I was dressed in a fancy holiday dress and heals all ready to see the matinee production of The Nutcracker . But my hair was slicked back into a greasy pony tail and my lip was huge and crusty with dried blood. It was the perfect time for my mom to say something supportive and motherly but instead she said, “Well Elizabeth, they’re all going to think that I beat you. I hope you’re happy with yourself.” I had never felt less like a lady or more aware of my brutish behavior.

Looking back on it, the clearest part of that whole experience was how much it hurt to get punched in the face. Not even two sparks and a natty ice can numb you completely. I think women are getting the wrong message. For some reason we believe that we have to be tough and assert dominance over our one another. We feel as though we have to demand respect and if it’s not given to us then we have to take it. This is all wrong. Women, by nature are tough. Let’s be serious here, we’re the tougher sex. I would love to see a man struggle through menstrual cramps or even child birth! We need to assert ourselves by speaking truthfully and honestly in a calm and grounded manner.

There is nothing more disgusting than violence and hate, these are what war and crime are created from. These poisons destroy community and togetherness, which in many societies are the very things that women are responsible for building. Anger is a weak emotion to have, it’s easy to fight in order to not feel. Acceptance and understanding are a lot harder to obtain. It takes a hell of a lot more strength to walk away rather than to fly off the handle and hit someone. The same goes for verbal disputes. It’s so animalistic and basic of us to assume the worst of someone rather than to stop and try to understand their side. Heartless rumors and statuses about why “you hate sluts” is immature and sick. Before you call another woman a slut remember how it felt when you were called one, before you call another woman a bitch think about how gross and degrading that term really is. We get kicked around enough by this world, we don’t need to kick each other too. When we hurt each other we’re destroying a supportive community of women that we all, even men, so desperately need. Uplift every woman and you, yourself will be uplifted.