It’s never happened in the history of the PFW. And so help me Cthulhu, it won’t happen again.

TCU 16, Michigan St 17 (Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl)

#11 Oklahoma 13, #9 Texas A&M 41 (Cotton Bowl)

#16 Nebraska 31, #7 Georgia 45 (Capital One Bowl)

Wisconsin 14, #6 Stanford 20 (Rose Bowl)

Dallas 18, at Warshington Foreskins 28

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I’ll be honest here. Though it counts as a loss in the PFW, I was actually happy that OU lost to A&M.

Here’s the deal: It wasn’t so much that the Sooners beat TCU – because, if one is honest with oneself, they didn’t; it was handed to them by fucking blind-assed zebras. Yet, did Bob Stoops & company acknowledge that fact?

Hell, no.

So when Johnny Heisman surgically dismantled the Sooner defense – it’d be three-and-out, punt, watch Manziel systematically drive down the field & score, rinse, lather repeat – my heart was anything but broken up about it. And that’s pretty much how the second half went for the Aggies – by the start of the fourth quarter, the only question was the final margin of victory.

So yet again, Oklahoma goes into a bowl game with a team from the SEC – and once again, OU gets its head handed to them. Schaudenfreude aside, this routine is getting very tiresome. And if OU has any national championship aspirations going forward…it has to be tiresome for them, as well.

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Bucky couldn’t beat the Froggies – or keep it anywhere near close against Oregon – with Bret Bielema. Did anyone seriously expect the Badgers to beat Stanford without him?

(crickets)

Nah, I didn’t think so.

Kevin Hogan proved to be an adequate replacement for Andrew Luck, and Curt Phillips proved he was no Joel Stave, let alone a Russell Wilson or Scott Tolzien. Bucky did run for 217 yards but passed for only 83, whereas the Cardinal possessed a more balanced attack (187/157). And the heretofore unheralded Stanford defense allowed Bucky nothing, save for a pair of 2nd-quarter touchdowns.

Bucky has since hired former Utah State coach Gary Andersen. Be interesting to see how long he lasts before Barry Alverez pulls yet another head coaching vampire act and takes over again.

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Once again, when victories were needed, the Cowgirlz – and Tony Romo – pulled their now-famous El Choko acts.

They let an injured ARRRRRRRRR GEEEEEEEEEEE THREEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! – aka the Quarterback of the Second Coming – run around, over, and through them, all the while on injured wheels. And when it wasn’t him, it was NCAA Division XI running back (Florida Atlantic? Really???) Alfrieda (no, no typo) Morris running through them, as well.

And even though he got second-, third- and fourth-stringers to play above their heads, the defense’s overall play rightly cost Rob Ryan his job (Dallas has since hired 4-3 “Tampa Two” guru Monte Kiffin, fired/released assistant coaches Skip Peete & John Garrett and turned play-calling duties over to Bill Callahan). In seven years running the 3-4, Dallas made the playoffs four times and won one – yes, one – playoff game.

But then, this is what happens when your owner fancies himself a football man & superior GM.

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Speaking of Bill Callahan, I’m done with him.

Bo Pelini, that is. Man may as well be Bill Callahan to me.

After giving up 70 to an offensively-challanged Bucky, the so-called “Blackshirts” gave up damned near 50 to the ‘Dawgs. This, when Pelini is supposedly: 1) a defensive guru, and 2) a big-game motivator of a coach.

I often speak of coaches being in over their heads – usually when speaking about Gary Patterson. But it’s clear Pelini is of the ever-growing fraternity of coaches who make great coordinators, but who Peter Principle themselves when stepping into the top spot. (See, “Campo, Dave”, “Turner, Norv”, “Wannstedt, Dave” and “Phillips, Wade” for reference.) Pelini just can’t get the job done at this level, and it’s time for him to go.

And until Nebraska’s athletic director wises up & sees to it, the Huskers are once again out of the PFW.

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Speaking of Gary Patterson…this one’s on him.

Tell me who in their right-fuckin’-mind leaves Skye “Clank” Dawson back for a punt deep in his own territory?

This guy has one asset: Speed. That’s it. Nothing else. He does not catch the ball well. He does not hold onto the ball well when he does have it. He is the absolute last person you want handling a punt. Hell, I’d let a lineman field a punt before Skye Dawson.

Yet there he was, he & Patterson daring fate. And Fate rose up and bit both Patterson & Dawson flush in the ass.

Gary? Remember the concept of “attaboy/awshit”? That stupid-assed decision to put “Clank” back there rates as one of your poorer ones – and is absolutely “awshit”-worthy.

Next year, you get Pachall back. (Now, I had previously predicted he’d never play another down for the Frogs, and I still don’t necessarily think he should, but…) Any more dumbshit decisions like this, and it’ll be 7-6 all over again.

And then, maybe it’s time for your coaching acumen to be questioned.

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So, there you go. Oh-and-five. Going completely winless in a PFW. In seven years of doing this, an oh-fer when all (well, most) of my teams were in has never happened.

Until now.

And in watching this travesty, I’m seeing programs that think they’re automatically entitled to win – just throw the ball out there and let the wins roll in. These programs think their shit don’t stink.

And that attitude…is highly offensive. And it showed in the bowl results, and in the end of the season for the Cowgirlz.

There will be changes in the Perfect Football Weekend come next season. What we saw this year, we will not see next year. (And don’t get me wrong – once again, I fully realize that this has all the effect of a gnat’s fart in the Real World. I’m well aware that the world does not revolve around either me or This Fine Blog. This is just how pissed off I am about the crappy play I had to watch this year, mkay?)

However, with all that said – I’m once again invoking Executive Fiat because of this.

Seattle 24, Warshington Foreskins 14

The Second Coming wasn’t even the best rookie quarterback on the field. How fucking sweet was that?

It helps, though, if you have Microsoft Internet Explorer set about 1024x768 1280x1024 with your Favorites window activated on the left deactivated. (At least until I can get a better handle on how WordPress works.)