Henry Aubin: Have we got a job for you!

Henry Aubin, The Gazette01.07.2013

Henry Aubin

Do you want to be mayor of Montreal? As Henry Aubin notes, one qualification is that you must have no pride; former mayor Gérald Tremblay was lambasted by the press, sneered at by provincial government and beloved only by political cartoonists during his 11-year tenure.Tijana Martin
/ The Gazette

Must have no pride. Previous elected holder of job was for 11 years lambasted by press, sneered at by provincial government, beloved only by political cartoonists.

Must have eyes in back of head. Essential for detecting corruption in entourage and civil service.

Must have speech impairment rendering applicant incapable of uttering four words: “I did not know.” (Previous elected holder of job established virtual copyright on said alibi.)

Must come with halo. Applicant must serve as personal role model for absolute rectitude. (Previous holder of job, upon coming to power in 2002, sought to give plum contract to an organization that was not low bidder and of which he had been president until winning the election weeks before.)

Must come with hair shirt. No freebies from corporations. No free seats at Bell Centre (not even when Céline performs).

Must come from Missouri, the “Show me state.” Applicant must demonstrate skepticism toward useful projects that ignore ability of taxpayers to pay. (Previous elected holder of job pitched a transport plan in 2007 that would cost $8 billion over 20 years; little has been built.)

Must be able to grin and bear it in the face of even the strongest documented criticism. (Previous elected holder of job helped undermine the investigative work of the city’s auditor-general.)

Must at same time, however, somehow achieve seemingly contradictory objective: improvement of municipal services. This is necessary to persuade more families to stay in city and not vamoose to better serviced, lower-taxed off-island suburbs.

Must, despite city’s lack of electoral leverage, persuade provincial government to give more money for infrastructure to city and less to leverage-blessed off-island suburbs. Magic powers would be helpful.

Must press provincial government for means to lower municipal workers’ remuneration, now with 30 per cent greater than that of provincial counterparts. If government appears to be responsive, expect personal harassment and mass demonstrations outside one’s home.

Must explore with open mind how relationship between central city and boroughs needs revamping. Scenarios include greater centralization of power, greater decentralization or status quo. Whatever the final decision, expect few to be happy.

Must, because of financial woes, resign oneself not to sponsor glorious new projects that will put one’s name in history books but to settle mostly for filling potholes, fixing infrastructure and clearing snow.

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