My Advice? Re-gift This One.

I was feeling pretty rejuvenated after the fun that was Krampus and ready to unwrap my next holiday horror package, Don’t Open Till Christmas. This would be my first viewing of this Christmas slasher and I tried to remain cautiously optimistic, despite its premise. But like a kid who gets socks instead of a coveted Masters of the Universe action figure, my disappointment was palpable.

It’s Christmas time in London. Scotland Yard is on a mission to find the person responsible for killing people in Santa suits… and a couple of other people.

Naturally, the killer has Santa issues due to a childhood trauma involving his dad, a Santa suit, and a sexual situation. He then spends time in an institution, where he eventually escapes and goes on his murderous rampage.

*sigh*

Don’t Open Till Christmas is a cornucopia of every holiday horror trope available and not a single one is done well. It feels like several different movies bound together with tic tacs and dental floss, which made sense after I did a bit of research. The star of the film, Edmund Purdom, was the original director, but he quit and another director, Derek Ford, was brought in. Ford was fired after only days, so Ray Selfe was hired to complete the film. Many scenes were re-filmed after extensive script rewrites, including the ending. All told, it took two years to complete.

I hope dad wrapped what he gave her for Christmas.

Like most slasher flicks, this film borrows from others, but a bit too blatantly. The killer is indiscriminately shot in POV, which is likely due to the production issues mentioned above. However, in some of the scenes, he is seen wearing a mask, identical to the one in Alice, Sweet Alice, complete with hooded coat. Kills involve straight razors, machetes, open flames, and guns with no body parts safe. Not exactly a signature serial killer or even an original one.

Alice? Is that you?

One of the most random and brilliant moments features horror darling, Caroline Munro, as herself, singing a disco number to an audience of no one, while the killer stalks another Santa. I wish I was making this up. Everyone likes disco though, right? Just me?

Disco kills.

Don’t Open Till Christmas will not make it on anyone’s nice list, nor will it or should it be a holiday horror staple. It’s been MacGuyvered within an inch of its life and is not even entertaining accidentally.

Supernatural Honey Rating: 0 exploding packages out of 5

Don't Open Till Christmas is on YouTube. Watch it there and save yourself a hay penny.Have you suffered through this holiday monstrosity?Share with Suzanne on Twitter: @suzebee04