Raging poll fevers

Poll time gives rise to such a host of ancillary industries that it could boost that bipartisan password to victory: growth. We aren’t talking only of the money released officially into the market to fight the elections, and slipped in unofficially to win them. It includes all the areas of economic activity that jump on this brandwagon. For starters, restaurants feast on this gravy train by pollarising their menus. ‘Modi Makkhani’ goes down a treat with all those slurping over the malai that will come their way when their promotee wins. Pure Veg NaMo is sure to make sev-gathia of the Congress, and grind its bones for the next day’s dhokla. ‘Rahul Rara’ comprises tender morsels of lamb, often sacrificial. The Aam ras party-pack is made from pulped Ke(j)ri. ‘Jhhal Mamata’ is a snack which not only sustains the masses of Kolkata, but is also lapped up by the power-hungry. Ditto with Amma idli. Or the Rice-plate which is always Reddy.

Poll-time readymades cut their cloth according to whose suit is being pressed. Whether in Modi Pastels or Rahul Whites, desi chic flies off the shelves. The most striking feature of the Election Collection are the sleeves, cropped short a la NaMo or rolled up a la RaGa. The natty netas of consumerist India make their own fashion statements. So the apparel apparatchik find it easier to put their shirt on either the heir apparent or the hairy apparent.

Rahul has the lead in Friday dressing. On the other side, like the old tag-line for Dhirubhai Ambani’s Vimal fabrics, it’s ‘Only Modi’. His stylists hope that he will be The Complete Man, and will not have to depend on some rag-tag parties to claim his manifesto destiny.

Food and fashion have always had fun with poll-related names for their products. This year election fever has also thrown up cures for the actual bodily kind. According to reports, some 20 lakh tablets named Namo and Ragaflam have been distributed, and are selling like hot promises.

Both are specifically formulated for election-induced ailments. Tab Namo is the answer to (or cause of) fevers and headache; Ragaflam is a pain-killer. Its namesake may have to resort to self-medication. That apart, the Congress inheritor should be wary of one of its two ingredients. Paracetamol is okay, but diclofenac was once used to treat bovine infections. It was banned because it remained in the liver of cattle —and proved toxic for the vultures which fed on their carcasses. The party should be wary of anything associated with extinction.

It’s surprising that such an opportunistic infection of candidate-sounding drugs hadn’t spread like swine flu earlier. After all, the body politic results in a whole Materia Medica of afflictions. Politicians are the chief cause of acute cervical spondylosis, known medically as ‘a pain in the neck’. It is exacerbated at election time by the whiplash of abusive campaigning. When it reaches the lowest levels, it manifests itself as ‘a pain in the ass’. Sometimes it rises to the cranium, and is known as ‘bheja fry’.

Gujarat’s specialist has come into his own. Former chief ministers used to concentrate only on knee-cap replacements, changing pesky Patellas. But this Guju medico promises to improve the entire country’s Mehtabolism. Amit Shah is his compounder. While patients flock to the Modi OPD in the hope of a miracle cure, die-hard cynics say his records are doctored.

The fact remains that Narendrabhai’s popularity triggers severe bilious indigestion in rival clinics; it’s a particularly traumatic form known as Modyspepsia.

***

Alec Smart said: “Mercifully, the BJP manifesto is louder in its promise to build the temple of boom.”

DISCLAIMER : Views expressed above are the author's own.

Author

Bachi Karkaria's Erratica and its cheeky sign-off character, Alec Smart, have had a growing league of followers since 1994 when the column began in the Metropolis on Saturday. It now appears on the Edit Page of the Times of India, every Thursday. It takes a sly dig at whatever has inflated political/celebrity egos, and got public knickers in a twist that week. It makes you chuckle, think and marvel at the elasticity of the English language. Bachi Karkaria also writes Giving Gyan in the Mumbai Mirror, and its fellow publications in other cities. It is a shooting-from-the-lip advice column to the lovelorn and otherwise torn, telling them to stop cribbing and start living -- all in her her branded pithy, witty style.

Bachi Karkaria's Erratica and its cheeky sign-off character, Alec Smart, have had a growing league of followers since 1994 when the column began in the Metr. . .

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Bachi Karkaria's Erratica and its cheeky sign-off character, Alec Smart, have had a growing league of followers since 1994 when the column began in the Metropolis on Saturday. It now appears on the Edit Page of the Times of India, every Thursday. It takes a sly dig at whatever has inflated political/celebrity egos, and got public knickers in a twist that week. It makes you chuckle, think and marvel at the elasticity of the English language. Bachi Karkaria also writes Giving Gyan in the Mumbai Mirror, and its fellow publications in other cities. It is a shooting-from-the-lip advice column to the lovelorn and otherwise torn, telling them to stop cribbing and start living -- all in her her branded pithy, witty style.

Bachi Karkaria's Erratica and its cheeky sign-off character, Alec Smart, have had a growing league of followers since 1994 when the column began in the Metr. . .