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Ranters Wanted

Would YOU be an alcoholic if only you could make it to the meetings? Do YOU possess the ability to have a really good rant whilst obeying the basic rules of grammar? If the answer to these questions is YES, then feel free to share your deepest, innermost thoughts with your friends here at MyLaowai.com

Some Nice Buttons

Are you a Man?

1. If you are over 38, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven’t sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent way too much of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and other equally suspicious ‘exercises’. And you’re probably on the Oprah diet, or whatever it’s called. Faggot.

2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer – it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog: “Killer, come here! I said get your arse over here, Killer!” Now think about how you call a cat: “Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!” Jeeezus, you’re pitched, you’re so queer.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any other such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, cigarettes, pipes, or tits. Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public toilet or a piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man’s world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you’re as camp as a row of tents. A straight man will never be heard ordering a ‘Decaf Soy Latte’. If you’ve put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you’ve had a man there too.

6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colours or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free arse passes. A real man doesn’t have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out ‘chartreuse’ or you know what a ‘fressier’ is, you’re gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are a poofter.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel and you aren’t actually in a race, forget it: you’re dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to beep at a slow-arsed driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

8. If you hesitate to tell everyone on your email list that MyLaowai.com is your preferred blog, because you are afraid of hurting someone’s feelings, then you are definitely on the verge on being an arse puncher.

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This entry was posted on Thursday, January 8, 2009 at 14:17 and is filed under China.
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13 Responses to “Are you a Man?”

You did miss out on one point about turd-burglar tendencies. Any man that can mix a perfect Martini prefers to have his fuck buddy’s olives banging of his ass cheeks. Isn’t that right ;-)

Now, we can sit back and wait for Miss Andy to give you the, ‘he’s a damn racist AND a homophobe’ tirade.

Well Andy, if you are reading this, let me tell you that I have a very, very feminine side to me. I love to watch lesbian porn and I love threesomes with lesbian lookalikes even more. I am in fact, a lesbian in a man’s body.

ssaid

As they say, what you do all day before will take you all day to do. Get in while you can.

Find any hole and go for goal.

P.S
I have an inkling that Mrs Mylaowai already know what you have been upto when you disappear from home some nites and venture into the dark alleys in seedy SH. She definitely could have tasted it on ur knob when she is down on you.

She may be in the process of collecting evidence and saving it up for a big lawsuit later for hurting her feelings.

Ah, you see that is where you are wrong, young grasshopper. Mrs MyLaowai and I are perfectly complimentary. My heart is big enough for both of us, as you must surely have noticed from my compassionate writings?

Not only is Mrs MyLaowai a perfect partner, she is my finest critic too, and this blog couldn’t be written without her loving support.

I think Mrs MyLaowai will be around for some considerable time to come.