Saturday, May 6, 2006

You're so vain

*Edited below. I know; this is becoming a bad habit. But I am, after all, a Bad Mother, and I come as advertised...

In the frenzy of all the recent blogtardage, it was suggested to me that you can know that you've made it as a blogger when someone starts their own blog because of you and devotes part of that blog to talking about you. (And that's my last word on it. The topic of blogtards and their exploits is officially over. And no, no linkage. Ov-aaah.)

Maybe that's making it. Or not.

Maybe it was just your bad luck that week to have attracted the most attention-hungry blogtard. Could happen to anyone.

So, despite what you may have heard, you won't find any blog'n'roll superstars here. Sorry. The blogosphere Star Maps are notoriously unreliable. This is home to WonderBaby, Future Ruler of the Known and Unknown Universe, aka Imperial Leader. If you're looking for Amalah, Queen of Everything Including All Media Not Controlled By Dooce, you're in the wrong 'hood. The absence of security guards, paparazzi and screaming fans should have tipped you off.

But before you walk away, angrily stuffing that virtual Star Map back into your virtual fanny pack, lookie here.

We have a t-shirt. WE HAVE A T-SHIRT.

So we're not entirely lacking in glitter and stardust chez Bad Mother. Some of the coolestchicks in the blogosphere thought that we were cool enough to warrant a t-shirt and lo and behold! A t-shirt there is! Immortalized in Cafe Press!

**Just to be clear... this t-shirt - the Her Bad Mother Tee - is the work of Christina and Kristen and all credit is due to them. It can be acquired from Christina's CafePress shop, here. For the inspiration for the tee, see here. (Christina - there've been requests for tank top version and baby/onesie version...)Now when people ask you if you've been to Her Bad Mother's blog, you can be all cool and nonchalant and toss your hair (if you have any left after post-partum shedding and grabby baby depilation) and say, oh, yeah, been there, done that, GOT THE T-SHIRT.

(What really tells you that you've made it, in the ways that matter most? The nicest, smartest, funniest bloggers in the blogosphere visit you and read your blog. That's making it.)

(Flings cap in air.)

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

My husband just walked in and asked what I was doing.

Me: Blogging.

Him: Are you blogging about how great it is to have sex with your husband?

Me: No.

You asked for that, dude. Sorry. But consider yourself lucky: if I were really to blog about our sex life you KNOW that your testicles would shrivel from the embarassment. It would be flattering, of course, and perhaps you would go down in history with the same kind of sexual fame that Kirstie Alley's second husband, the Hardy Boy, no pun intended, attained. But dude? My mother and my sister and your sister and sometimes - gah - your mother and some of your colleagues and most of our friends and have I mentioned your mother? read this blog. So have I explained enough about the testicle-shrivelling embarassment that would attend the sex talk?

**WonderBaby's open letter to new blogger babies, originally composed for Boy Wonder, child of Urban_Mommy, should now also be read, with necessary modifications to the address, as an open letter to Jacob Paul. (This is a little bit Elton John of me, I know. But it's good!) WonderBaby welcomes you to her empire, Jacob Paul! Go forward and dominate!

26 Comments:

Well, people have been referring to you as HBM. You have your own acronym (and now a shirt!). I say that equates blog stardom. Plus I just blogrolled you, and I am way cool. Just kidding.

See, as for myself, I am too busy posting about knitting and other crafty type endevours to be "in the know" with the mommy blog stars (except Kristen- total star and I lurve her) So, um, speaking of which- did Nana crochet that hat? Does she knit too? Where's her blog at? It's lovely.

How on earth do you get Wonderbaby to tolerate all those hats? Mistress Mary has never allowed a hat to remain on her head for longer than, oh, a millisecond before ripping it off and tossing it across the room. And if it's attached somehow, well...look out.

I keep running into you on other blogs, and I keep thinking, who is this lady who brings the funny like nobody's bus-nass? And now that I know, I'm sad to have missed the Blogtard Smackdown 2006. Although it is best to let those bastards die off through being ignored, because when they realize they're just talking to themselves, they stop talking (I would hope). I would've defended you to the last little word, though, HBM. Truly. In the meantime, keep it up, fancy lady. Your star is about to land way, way up yonder. Try not to forget all the little people when you land... ;)

Besides, I'll bet Dooce wouldn't even respond to my comments in her blog, or come visit mine. She's too superstar for us little bloggers. I'll keep my favorite blog stars where I can drink with them, and I sure don't think I'm going to be drinking with Dooce at Blogher.

As I noted in the edited note, the t-shirts are courtesy of Christina and Kristen, and are available through Christina's store (and yes! how great they are!) So maybe Christina will arrange for some tank and onesie versions...

The hat was purchased in Ottawa, I believe. I don't think that Nana knitted it, but I could be wrong. I'll check.

I don't know, I think you're up there in blog recognition land, at least in my little corner of it. I have been throwing around the HBM acronym, just casually in conversation here and there because it sounds so cool. And people who don't blog have no f-ing clue what I'm talking about, which is a bonus.

Love the Nana hat. My Nana would have probably made a hat like that back in the day.

Um.....WOW. You have taken off in leaps and bounds haven't you? It has, admittedly, been a little while since I have put in an appearance here. (Well, anywhere for that matter) but I am glad to see you have reached the lofty heights of troll-accosted-dom. Congrats. I, however (thankfully) have yet to reach such status. I think it may have something to do with the tame and non-thought-provoking and therefore non-brain-arousing aspect of most of my posts but you never really know.

The thing about husbands and blogs? They start suspecting that you're doing things just for the blog. Then, when you refer to your friends, they ask if they're your real friends or your "blog" friends (with the finger quotes. I hate the finger quotes.) Then, they start to audition for the blog. You're having a conversation with the husband, and then he says "You can use that one." Once he starts doing that, it's time to get him his own blog.