Autism

Just found out a little lad who has been with hora junior from 6months old to 4yrs old is going to a special school for autism. I've seen this lad almost every day when picking my son up from nursery and of course my sons been with him all the time. Weird, I feel really upset (almost by proxy, is this right?). The clues apparently were he couldn't be trained out of his nappies.

It's not clear from your post - are you upset because he's now got a label or because he's moving school?

I don't think of these things as diseases. People are all different, some are just more different. From some angles it helps to categorise pepole, but from others it does not.

I have a nephew who shows many classic symptoms of autism. He's responding very well to therapy, but really that's because his parents need a little help understanding him. I think people have preconceptions about how people will behave, and aren't expecting it when people don't fit those preconceptions.

So you get called thick, brainiac, annoying, weird, an arsehole, nerd, angry, cold etc etc etc...

Bloody hell Molgrips......
People need to realise that "that explains a lot...." is merely their mind's need to have a label.
Imagine scoring 29 on the spectrum test and getting that from the person you've been with for 19yrs.
Then because of that and "not dealing with it" you find yourself single, starting a new life.
Why do we have to "deal with it"?
We aren't any different to how we've always been - you are the one who is different now because "we" now have a label....

It does - I'm ok with it all tbh, life happens, sh*t happens, etc.
It's others perceptions of "what should be", "need to deal woth it", etc, etc, etc that boils my p*ss.
Who and what I am is why I ended up married, with two gorgeous girls, friends, etc.
Why because of a test should I need to begin to deal with stuff that doesn't actually affect day to day life.
If anything - the way I am and who I am is what got me to where I am in life.
Sod changing that!

From what I've seen and heard the decision to send a child to a special school is the most difficult one for the parents. To acknowledge that their child who they love with all their hearts is 'different enough' to need more than they can readily be provided with in a mainstream school is a huge step and a massive decision.

fwiw, for children who won't/can't cope in a mainstream school the decision to place them in a special needs environment even on a part-time basis can make a massive positive impact on their quality of life. The number of parents my wife has worked with who've realised this after years of persevering with a mainstream school failing to meet their childs needs sufficiently is quite large. Often the issue has been the parents desires to still have their child in a 'proper' school rather than face up to the real issues.

Working with autistic children at whatever education level they are at whilst giving them an environment that meets the needs of their condition is often more easily done in a smaller group etc where there are less triggers for them to become upset by and more staff to work with them.

I hope you can keep your lad playing with this boy - he's still the same lovely lad, wherever he's being educated.

I agree completely, and I've had that problem my whole life. I'm probably not officially on the spectrum but I never seem to be quite what people expect or want which caused trouble when I was younger and I didn't have a lot of choice of friend.

Re the school - yes I suppose a mainstream school would be a bit too much for some kids. Tbh he might be the lucky one. If I could've gone to a school where pepole understood what I wanted and needed, I'd have jumped at it!

I think, for what it's worth, "that explains a lot" isn't always meant badly (but can be perceived as such). It means that coping mechanisms can be looked at in a more targetted way.

kcal Jr definitely on ASD. I'm quite possibly there somewhere. My dad was almost certainly too. Some of my former colleagues - hell yes, and current colleagues - and their offspring - yes, to some extent. I don't think of them differently, perhaps more enlightened and that's good thing, no?

hm. test score - pinch of salt and all that. However the social situations aspect can relate to, focus on single pursuit, obsession with details. just as well I'm a programmer

The move to a more specialised school is triggered by behaviour issues or that the child can cope/ keep up with mainstream school.

Our son was moved to another school with a department for special needs, to be honest we that period of junior school was wasted. however since our son went to secondary he has flourished, the different standards of teaching and the attitude of children and parents as well.

The junior school, which will remain nameless, was in a very desirable area with the typical pushy parent types who wanted to keep the "special" children separate from there own, this was so apparent at this time of year with the nativity season upon us

I've not seen my cousin for about 30 years when they all emigrated to SouthAfrica. I remember him being a bit odd and socially awkward, though apparently I was too young to remember some very odd events.

He was diagnosed autistic when he was rejected for his national service. But he went on to be an award winning statistician, written text books, invited to international conferences.

His abilities were just focused in one area, and he was lucky enough to find it.

That said, he's just jacked it all in to move to Thailand with a Thai bride!

I posted on here at the start of the year about concerns that my son may be autistic.

He turned 3 two days ago and it’s been a busy year so far. He now has a portage worker, an occupational therapist, a paediatrician, a speech and language therapist, an intensive interaction therapist, a dietician and starting next week, a sleep therapist.

He has two older sisters, who are great with him, and he is a really lovely lad. He is starting to make eye contact with people now, especially people that he likes, and has a vocabulary of maybe 50 words now, although he doesn’t really use the words in any conventional context.

He made me cry last week when he started to say his own name. He can’t work out how to ask for things though, but we have a pin board in the kitchen of all of his favourite foods, and he brings a card to us when he wants particular items.

He hasn’t shown much interest in making any friends yet, and is quite involved in his own world. I can’t blame him either, it looks like so much fun. Just before bedtime, he gets his silly head on , and spins around in circles in the kitchen, laughing uncontrollably as everything whizzes past his eyes. It’s probably the favourite part of my day.

He starts in a nursery for 15 hours a week after Christmas, where they will be very well set up to cater for his needs. And 10 hours of that time will be with 1 on 1 care. The care and attention he has received from the therapists has been unbelievable, and we are so grateful to them all.

Anyway, not sure what relevance any of this is to the OP, but I felt like it typing anyway!

I am not a labelling sort of a person, but sometimes they are useful for getting access to support. And also in explaining to people why what might seem obvious to them isn't obvious to person in question. Having taken an autistic person to a&e it was v handy to be able to say to staff 'she's autistic and so she's going to have problems with this. Can we do it like this?'.

From what I understand, the better the support as a child, the better the strategies and life skills you can develop for dealing with the rest of us in our messy, confusing & noisy universe.

I've mentioned it before on here but my wife is autistic. Although it creates its challenges for her and me it hasn't had an overtly negative impact on her life. She understands herself better than anyone else ever could so she knows how to deal with it and has learnt to start looking at things from other peoples perspectives (something she was previously completely incapable of doing) which has been a major breakthrough in terms of work and family relationships. Being frank, although I didn't have any idea she was autistic when I met her 10 years ago, it was her challenging and interesting personality and her viewpoint of the world that completely hooked me in.

"The Reason I Jump" by Naoki Higashida (translated) has been very popular with staff and parents at my wife's school as giving an insight into an individuals autistic mind (albeit there's been some criticism of the translation 'adding' to the original text).

molgrips - Member
'That explains a lot' is a stupid thing to say in many ways. We are who we are, what needs explaining?

You're confusing "explaining" and "justifying" - knowing a child is autistic explains his/her behaviour, and simplifies access to tailored educational resources. A lot of (most?) autistic children are also mentally disabled and need specialist care, the image of a weird programmer geek who can get by in society is not representative of the majority.

You and your son can still make the extra effort to keep him as a friend even though he's changing school

This 100% - my little girls' best friend (4 yrs old) has autism (they believe, tests still ongoing) and was deaf (bizarrely 'cured' - either that or her condition masked that she could always hear). She now goes to another school to receive intensive tutoring (which is really helping her) but we make an effort to see her once a week after school as well as play dates etc.

People might ask 'why is molgrips like that?' Well I just am. There's no particular reason.

Saying 'that explains it' when you find a REASON for someone being who they are reinforces the idea that there's a 'normal' baseline for eveyrone and then there's the weirdos and freaks who have something wrong with them.

The only reason for labelling is as Clover says - to help other people quickly understand any difficulties.

People might ask 'why is molgrips like that?' Well I just am. There's no particular reason.

Saying 'that explains it' when you find a REASON for someone being who they are reinforces the idea that there's a 'normal' baseline for eveyrone and then there's the weirdos and freaks who have something wrong with them.

The only reason for labelling is as Clover says - to help other people quickly understand any difficulties.

Again, you seem to be confusing autism and being a bit geeky. Autism is a diagnosed condition, and when a child is sent to a special needs school he is way off simply being a "weirdo" or "freak": he needs special care, dedicated education (by teachers like wwaswas's wife or mine), and is not "normal" in that he cannot easily make his way through life in modern society.

You may not like it, but unfortunately there is a "baseline" for society, and a lot of autistic people don't reach it.

Would I be right in saying that autism and other ASDs have become much more openly discussed in the last 10 years? It feels like there's been a big social shift away from labelling people in negative ways to developing a wider social understanding.

No, I'm not. I'm not claiming to be autistic, I just used my own name as an example. And I acknowledged the need for classificaiton to allow people to get the help they need, and of course severe cases do need help.

I'm talking about hammyuk's situation. The 'well that explains a lot' type of comment, for those people who functoin in normal society.