Dating: Is this really all there is?

This was originally posted on an old blog back in October 2008. Most still holds true…

It was Crosstown Classic weekend and I was at a bar with some friends. It was crowded, everyone was in a good mood. Cubs and Sox fans were giving each other a hard time, but all in fun. I knew a lot of people there so was going from group to group just chatting it up when I met Juan. Juan and I began a conversation that lasted the rest of the night. Somewhere during this conversation Juan told me I was pretty and that he’d like to get to know me better. We talked about our mutual interests and he talked about how many things we could do together if I’d just give him my number. There were promises of picnics on the lake, motorcycle rides, sushi dinners, etc…

I gave Juan my number and he followed through and called. He invited me out promising a motorcycle ride to a lakeside picnic, with a bottle of wine. It had been a few months since my last REAL date and I was looking forward to it.

He picked me up from work, we hopped on his motorcycle only to stop four blocks away at a nearby bar that my friends and I went to on occasion. I asked him what we were doing there and he apologized saying that time had gotten the better of him, so there was a change of plans. I’m a simple girl and understand that things happen, so I said okay. I soon discovered that he knew the staff and was getting a discount on our order. I began to question the date but thought I’d better hold off judgement, then it happened: the invitation to his house. All of his promises of romance gone and left were only a discounted plate of hot wings for a quick and cheap dinner–I love wings, so they weren’t the problem–so we could get down to his real intended plan for the night. I declined and ended the evening early. He invited me to his house many times after that day, and all the promises of fun dates never materialized.

Juan is just one example of what dating has turned into for my friends and me.

It seems like these days men turn everything into sex. You give them your number and they’re off and texting you in the middle of the night asking what you’re doing, then disappearing like vampires at the light of day. That is until they surprise you with pictures of their penis and replace the word come with cum, without having learned your last name.

They tell you from the start that they’re not looking for anything serious, as if you had asked him which china pattern he likes best.

I’ve explained to many a guy that there is this thing in between committed relationship and casual sex that was called dating. I’ve shared that it was probably an ancient art form that died with the sexual revolution. Women found their voice and cried freedom, and men jumped on our bandwagon and have been riding it since (no pun intended).

The lines of communication were broken and we can no longer understand each other. So here goes. I’m going to speak for women and tell you boys what we want…

Don’t over-think us
We want you to stop thinking that our interests in you is more than just that, an interest. It doesn’t mean we want to jump into either bed or marriage. You’ve piqued our curiosity and we want to get to know you better, plain and simple. It’s like when you’re interested in us, but minus the automatic sex part.

Let’s have a good time
We want to have fun. We want to go on dates, real dates, not necessarily expensive ones, just the real kind where you’ve made an effort and made plans. We don’t want to be picked up looking our prettiest only to be asked, “So what do you wanna do?” I think it’s called courting. Look it up!

Save your penis pictures for Craigslist
No one wants to see your penis before they know your last name, and if they do, they’ll tell you. Post those pics on Craigslist, they’ll be more appreciated there.

Don’t play games
Say what you mean and mean what you say. If you’re interested say so, if you’re not say that too. We will not wilt like the fragile flowers you think we are.

Liar, liar…
Don’t just avoid us and don’ lie. You all suck at lying. The truth is never going to be as bad as the story I’ve made up in my head from not knowing.

Remember your Mama
Treat women like you would want a man to treat your Mom or your sisters. Every woman deserves at least that much.

Forget double-standards
If you slept with a woman right after meeting her, don’t employ a double standard and judge her wondering how often she sleeps with men she barely knows. Remember that the act took two people, you were a willing party, and you barely knew her too.

Be honest about your intentions
If you’re just looking for sex say so, that way we have the opportunity to choose whether to get involved or not. And understand that if we do choose to get involved, you should know that we’ll still be on the lookout for a relationship. You won’t have a right to get jealous when we move on to someone who’s willing to give us more, because we weren’t willing to sit around wondering “Is this all there is?”

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I'm Libby! I work in nonprofit communications, write about the randomness of life, share a recipe or two, and occasionally perform 6-second concerts on Snapchat. Learn more in the About section.