March 27, 2015 / submitted by Ryan, United KingdomQ. TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #210
At the moment I am dealing with some problems I have been having with my partner for two years now but sometimes I feel like it's not going where I want it to.
Recently I've met this one girl who is really sweet and kind.
The dilemma is who do I choose and why my partner blames me for a lot of silly mistakes and really loses her cool sometimes? What if this new girl is the same and then I'm left alone and unhappy?

Who do you choose? How about neither. Nobody is perfect but if you're having your head turned, your current partner probably isn't the one for you.
I wonder if your partner appeared sweet & kind when you first met.
Who knows if the new girl will end up being the same as your partner? She may, she may not. You can't know what will happen in the future but if you run away every time the flaws in someone show up or things get tough, you very well may end up alone. Alone doesn't mean you'll be unhappy & it could be just what you need.
I don't think you should necessarily jump from one relationship to another. You don't need to be in a relationship.
I think you should look at your current situation before making a decision.
Perhaps you're being blamed for silly mistakes because you're making them but don't like the consequences. Nobody likes to be nagged and your girlfriend might not enjoy nagging you. Ask yourself if you're being a little hard on her or vice versa.
Maybe she loses her cool out of frustration. Have you asked her why? Talk to her. She may be aware that you're not all that invested in the relationship and she's venting. Find out.
If you love her, put more effort in and communicate. If you think it's worth fighting for, cut all ties with the new girl. It isn't fair on your partner to string her along and equally it's not fair to keep the new girl dangling.
You don't say where you wanted the relationship to go but if you truly believe your relationship is over regardless of the new girl, end it sooner rather than later.
If you like them both and want to be with one of them but honestly don't know who to choose, I'm with Johnny Depp who said, "if you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second."
Over to you.

Sometimes relationships don't always go how you want them to. That is completely fine. When you're in a relationship with someone for a long time you can get too comfortable and fall into a routine. It can lead to no excitement.Since the relationship can get a tad bit boring, people start to find flaws in tiny things and arguing brings a new kind of excitement with it. I say if you really love your partner, then give it another shot. Try new and exciting things to spruce up the relationship. But, if you truly aren't happy anymore, I say follow your heart. It can hurt someone, but at the end of the day your own happiness is what truly matter.
I wish you the best of luck .
Sincerely, Genesis.

That's a bit of a toughy, but I will try my best. See, if you still feel a spark that's worth fighting for in your current relationship, then try and fix it. Talk to her about it, ask her (nicely, because people who are easily ticked off don't appreciate such questions) what makes her so angry all the time, try and work it out. If you don't seem to be feeling good about this, and love the other girl/woman more, then I suggest you leave your current relationship. Still, make sure you are certain this cannot work out, and that the other girl is into you in the first place. Remember, not all relationships are meant to be. Please think carefully about this before making any decision. I am sure if both don't work out, you will still find someone. Don't you worry yourself. Love, Solaf.

Hello Ryan. My name is also Ryan. That makes me qualified to help you with your predicament. But in all seriousness, I dated a girl for two years. I loved her, but she continuously hurt me. She would have mental breakdowns and blame me for her problems instead of letting me in and allowing me to support her. Still, I cared about her. I put so much effort in to try to fix something that was infinitely broken. Then, I met somebody else, a lovely person who interested me. For the first time in two years, I had a feeling of butterflies in my stomach, like I used to get in primary school. However, I did not pursue this girl, but I decided for myself that I wanted those butterflies more often. I wanted to meet new girls, take it slow, and to keep my options open. So, I made a decision to break up with my girlfriend of two years. A decision for myself, not this new girl. I think we, as people (including myself), continuously search for love or companionship, but in the end, we have to be happy on our own first. Only then we can make our loved ones happy and things will start to fall into place.
Good luck with your decision!
Love, Other Ryan.

Bear in mind, people come and go. In the end, you yourself will be the last person on earth that will sing he final lullaby song to help you to enter your last dream. Your partner and your new girl are persons who help you to arrange the lyrics and melody of your final lullaby. Nevertheless, you are the composer. The decision is in you, deep in yourself.
The new girl may be the reminder of what was thing you really look for in your relationship and you may decide to rejuvenate your relationship. In the other hand, she may be the love of your life, and living with your partner is the way to discover what you really need in your love life.
I have been trapped in such kind of decision and the lesson learned is the answer was always in myself. Kindness and sweetness are not ultimate things. Problem is not always a dead end. You may seek deeply what are beneath those kindness and sweetness and the problems in your relationship. You should find things fit you.
Happy self-discovering! Mikha. Indonesia.

Have you and your current partner tried some counseling? 2 years is a commitment and do you want to toss it away? All relationships require work and compromise after the "honeymoon" phase is over. Both of you are responsible for creating sparks and excitement to keep the relationship going. Isn't it worth fighting for?
The new girl has caught your eye because there's the novelty and excitement in a new relationship. The flirting, the blindness, the new found attention. Chances are after 2 years again, you may be looking again bc you're becoming complacent or your expectations of a partner are too high?
Open the communications with your current partner. Ask honest questions and listen with your heart, not your ego. Love is not disposable. It requires energy, honesty and compromises- TOGETHER.
Wishing you the best, Julie.

I don't think that considering your current relationship and this new girl as if they were part of the same problem is the best approach. First of all, you should think over your relationship; and then, after deciding whether or not to stay with your partner, think if you're gonna give this new girl a chance.
Have you tried to see things from the point of view of your partner? Does she lose her cool because you could have been more thoughtful? Or is she just overreacting and making things difficult for everyone? On this point, it would be useful to ask your friends about their impressions.
Being afraid of being alone and unhappy is not a good reason to stay in a relationship that doesn't go where you were expecting or doesn't fulfil you (no matter how much time the two people have been together). You stated that if this new girl is the same as your girlfriend, you would end up alone and unhappy. It doesn't sound like you're happy with the dynamic of your relationship. Be brave and make a change. Have a serious conversation with your girlfriend about your problems. It can lead to a break up, but it also can lead to a positive change in the relationship. Take that first step.
Always remember that you can be happy as a single individual too, and that's necessary in order to be able to have a healthy relationship. Wish you the best. Noelia, Argentina.

It is said that if you are in a relationship and you fall in love with someone else, then you don't truly love the one next to you, but if you still come back to that person, then the other was just a distraction.
In your case, I think you just got used with your lover and now that you met someone new, everything has changed.
I've never been in a situation like yours, but I am known for the advice I can give.
I recommend you to talk to your girlfriend. Discuss with her about everything that bothers you or makes you uncomfortable and ask her to say the same. This way, you will start resolving the problem. If it just doesn't work, don't be afraid to try with someone else, but I do advice you to wait for a while.
Even though you may seem ready for a new relationship it doesn't mean you are.
Be patient and maybe try to be more careful when it comes to love, be more opened and don't lose hope.
I hope my answer helped!!
I wish you luck and a happy life!!
Lots of Love from Romania!
Madalina.

You are facing a major decision and I really have to wonder what you are basing it on? Could it be that you are looking for a way out of this relationship? No shame in that but really what part have you played in your relationship troubles? If you don't answer that, you may indeed end up alone. We tend to bring the same behaviors to new relationships without even being aware of it. You say your current partner is blaming you for silly mistakes. Perhaps to her they are not so silly? Then you wonder if the new girl you fancy will be the same!! I really have to question your issues with trust and your expectations of a relationship, perhaps you need to mature a bit before pursuing either of these women, Laurie.

As someone who has been in a relationship for a very long time, I can tell you that everyone loses their cool over stupid mistakes and other things that their partner may or may not do. Since you've been in a relationship for 2 years, and you met a kind and sweet girl, you are probably going to get yelled at for getting to know this other girl. I wouldn't be very happy with my partner if he got to know another girl and was considering breaking up with me to start a relationship with her. Is it worth ruining what you already have?
I hope that this kind and sweet girl knows that you are already in a relationship because that wouldn't be fair to her. It's your choice to make. I wish that I could tell you what to do, but this is a decision that you have to make. If you are alone, would it be that bad? Good luck. C.

You should think about your current relationship as if there were no other girl "who is really sweet and kind", like you said. Even without that new person in your life, you say that your relationship is not going anywhere. If you feel so, you should think about breaking up, but no matter of a new person. You still don't know her well and you're afraid to find the same problems. That's the risk, but because of that I think that you shouldn't consider some other and new person while still being in relationship. I think that you should simply exclude any other person and just think about current relationship, asking yourself: Do I want to stay here no matter of other girls and how perfect they can be? Or do I want to leave this relationship because I'm not happy and I can't make her happy?
I think that those should be criterias for your decision: If you are happy and if you make other person happy. If not so, than talk to her and leave. After that you can consider new girls by getting to know them, now you can't know anything. Just because you like someone because she seems kind and sweet, doesn't mean you would be happy with her. So try to solve your relationship first and then think about new steps in life. I wish you luck! :) Kamili

The first thing I would say is, don't hold on to something that don't bring you anything anymore. If it doesn't make you happy, let it go. The second thing is, if you want to go forward and have better relationships, you need to work on yourself first. Try to understand why it's not working with your current girlfriend. Don't blame her but start to question yourself and your own behaviour and the effect it can have on her. Learn from that situation and your mistakes before engaging yourself into anything new or it would repeat again in another relationship. Learn from bad situations and improve yourself, be more understanding and self-aware and your relationships will only improve and bring you more joy.
With Love, Chloe.

March 27, 2015 / submitted by The Oracle, United KingdomQ. WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 2 April.

So, a couple years back I was on a hike with a bunch of friends. One of my friends fell, she nearly went off the cliff but I was right there so she grabbed onto me and I got her onto ground. I was foolish. All I said was, "you okay?", but then I just sorta continued on. I was dumb to not realize that she was on her own. She lives in Utah now, far as you can see around where I live. Last Summer she was visiting, I found out that she was crying alone on that hike after. Scared to death. I can't live with myself now. I feel responsible for her. The fact that we don't keep in touch hurts me. I want to be like her best friend, I have this need to protect her. I am a musician and I've written songs for her but I don't know the best way to make these songs or what to do with them so she could realize how much I care and want to be her friend. So who do I turn to? Well, who else? The masters of music, Coldplay. I was just hoping to get advice from The Oracle to get me out of this Ghost Story.
Just a Ghost, France.

Please email your replies with TEAM ORACLE in the subject line to theoracle@coldplay.com
Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.

March 20, 2015 / submitted by Anonymous, United KingdomQ. TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #209
Lately my mental health hasn't been great - and when I say lately I mean for a period of about 5 or 6 weeks. It's started to show through in social situations and I've had a few embarrassing moments out and about where I've simply been too overwhelmed by everything. I'm a very passive person, and so it's been hard to explain or let people know, or even see how I'm feeling. However, this isn't what worries me the most.
My best friend suffers from anxiety, and has gone through some rough patches before, meaning whenever an incident or anything occurs I'm instantly compared to her, and told to just "stop it", because I don't have to be like that.
It's true, and I feel really awful and selfish because I can't control it and she has it worse than me. I'm just not really sure what to do, but I need to do something soon. I've been constantly feeling guilty about it and need advice. What should I do?

Firstly let me say that it's great you spotted the signs early and have started to question what to do about it.
Secondly, I urge you to continue on this path.
Mental health is not a competitive or a comparative illness. It doesn't matter at all what is happening to those around you. No matter what your friend is going through, your concern must be what it happening to YOU and how you deal with it. Your friend very well may have it worse than you but that doesn't make it any less of an issue.
Your major worry shouldn't be somebody else - that does not make you a selfish person at all.
You've described how overwhelming you find this situation and guilt is the last thing you need on top of that.
I'd like you to put aside every other feeling other than your anxieties. Write them down if that helps. If you aren't getting support from family or friends, try a school counsellor, teacher or doctor who can give you professional help.
Perhaps there is someone else within the extended family unit that you trust enough to tell them how you feel. Ask for help. Even if it proves difficult to find, I promise you it is there.
Maybe you should also talk with your friend. She may understand what you're going though. It might be too much for her so that's for you to gauge and decide if it's an option.
There may be some online information about groups in your area that deal with young people in similar situations - you are not alone.
Be proud of yourself for taking this step, I am. I'm sure that if you can reach out here, you have what it takes to do the same locally.
Over to you.

I'm so sorry that you've been feeling overwhelmed and anxious. Many of us have this problem, and you can't just stop it. You are not your friend. Other people also tend to think that panic and anxiety don't really exist. They are very real, but you aren't crazy, if you happen to feel this way. It sounds to me like you may be having panic attacks which are very real and can happen to anyone for a variety of reasons.
I don't like to be in large groups of people because I feel closed in. I try not to panic by relaxing and taking deep breaths. Then, I try to get to an area that is less crowded. You may need to see your doctor to see if you might need some medication or if you need to talk to a professional. There is nothing wrong any of these answers. You are going to be ok.
When I feel really anxious, at home, I like to listen to O from the Ghost Stories CD. I get anxious when I go to the doctor and the dentist, so I listen to O then too. Think of holding my hand when you start getting overwhelmed, take a deep breath, and tell yourself that you will be ok. I wish you the very best.
Cat.

I'm married since 30 years, and my wife is, now, constantly in anxiety. The only way to live found on two things:
1. Live constantly without anxiety. How? Listening music, better. The last of the Coldplay as we do, writing things, or idea, translating poems or songs, for yourself and your loved ones.
Enjoy. Gaudete. Filippo.

NO ONE has the right to compare you to your best friend. You are fighting your own battle and the only person you should be compared to is yourself (in terms of whether you are better than before or worse). The fact that someone else is struggling with a bigger problem doesn't imply that your problems are meaningless and that you don't deserve compassion and understanding. You shouldn't be feeling guilty for having a disorder or for the lack of understanding some people show.
First of all, I would advise you to seek professional help. That's one of the tools you need in order to learn how to deal with mental health problems. You should also give it a try and be open about your condition. Your friends and people around you will understand and be supportive if they know what you're facing, not to mention that that feeling of support can reduce the stress social situations might trigger. Just give them a chance. You don't have to give them extensive details. Just take some time and prepare a short answer. It would be good as well if you could tell your family (or whoever is comparing you to your best friend) the way that makes you feel and how it doesn't help you get better.
Hope everything goes well for you. Noelia, Argentina.

Let it go. Accept it and embrace it. Whatever it is that happens in you or your friend, the only way in my opinion not to feel guilty is to just accept it. Sometimes we feel guilty because some part of us feeling denial about us being a better person or a worse person than the one you've been compared to. What really matter the most is don't take everything anyone said about you, especially compare you to your friend. Those people has no right to tell you what you are and what you are supposed to be. She's your best friend, you're her best friend. You can only help each other because you share the bond called friendship. You never know she might feel the same thing to you. Talk to her, and then take some time alone to think. Find things that calm you the most and enjoy your life up to little things like waking up in the morning. Be brave and be confident, in that way you can find yourself as who you really are and embrace yourself.
If it got worse and you think you can't help it any longer, you might wanna seek help from professional doctors. But I hope it won't be any necessary, just be brave, confident, embrace and love yourself. You are beautiful the way you are.
Love, Lavina.

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling that way. What you should do is, stop comparing yourself to others. Never ever compare your problems to those of anyone else! We all cope with things in a different way and just because your friend has anxiety 'worse' then you, doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel anything or should feel guilty about having problems yourself. Besides who judges whether and when someone has worse troubles then you? If your problems feel real and serious to you, then thats what they are! You are not being selfish at all, trust me. I'd suggest you try to talk to someone. This could be a professional someone or someone who you trust and doesn't compare you to your best friend. Find help before it gets any worse is the best thing you can do right now. Good luck! Amanda.

I need you to know that in a way, I know how you feel. I've been through something similar some time ago, I am now in a situation like yours, but I know I cannot compare my problems with yours because it wouldn't be fair.
I'll tell you my problem and I'll tell you how I try to deal with it, in this way you might relate and it might help you.
I can't say I'm a depressive person, but I do have a problem, I cry from everything, I even have crises when I just can't stop crying and it's horrible because I can't talk to almost anyone about it. I don't talk about it because I know there are people out there that suffer a lot more, but you know what? That's wrong sometimes, cause sometimes, you suffer as well and it wouldn't be fair if you would just ignore it.
Don't feel bad about yourself. I understand that your friend's situation is a bit difficult, but you matter as well and don't ever let anyone tell you again to stop, ever. If it's hard, then it's done well and when it's hard, true friends show up.
Be careful and don't think about yourself that you're crazy or something, you're not. All you need is someone to talk to, someone to listen to you and help you and above all, to care about you and to love you.
Take care of you and smile!!
Lots of Love from Romania!
Madalina.
(EDIT: Madalina, the same goes for you! Talk to someone. Oracle.)

It' s hard to understand your problem without knowing your life. What has been happening last 5-6 weeks? What has been happening through your life to grow such state of mind which you call mental health issue? Has it ever happened to you? Do you have mental illnesses in your family,what are your family relations like? Is this first time that you have problems in friendship or it happened before? I think you should answer these question to find a real reason and cause of your problems. Then you can search for a help. That would be some confident person, family member or teacher or psychologist. Somebody should define your anxiety and your state of mind. And you should think about why it has all started and what's the biggest problem that you have in life. I hope you'll find your reasons and some answers,just keep searching and never accepting negativity, you were born to be happy! Love, Kamili.

March 20, 2015 / submitted by The Oracle, United KingdomQ. WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 26 March.

At the moment I am dealing with some problems I have been having with my partner for two years now but sometimes I feel like it's not going where I want it to.
Recently I've met this one girl who is really sweet and kind.
The dilemma is who do I choose and why my partner blames me for a lot of silly mistakes and really loses her cool sometimes? What if this new girl is the same and then I'm left alone and unhappy?
Ryan. UK.

Please email your replies with TEAM ORACLE in the subject line to theoracle@coldplay.com
Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.

March 13, 2015 / submitted by Kamili, CroatiaQ. TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #208
How do you deal with your past? Lately I've been thinking about some memories wondering what would it be like now if it was different before? It's not that I blame myself because there's nothing I could've done as a child. As an adult, now I do everything that I can and wish but I regret about some things and way of living that didn't depend on me. I know that there's no going back, there's only present, but what do you do with emotions about past and wishing to turn back time and make things different? Do you think it's a destiny and there were no other options? Thanks for your replies! Love to all.

We can learn from the past but leave it where it is.
Let me put it this way.
Imagine you as a person had to physically carry your possessions around all the time and every time you got something new, you add that to the load. Heavy right? We go through life and we have to assess what to physically keep, what to throw away and what to recycle / upcycle.
It's the same with the past. It's going to be a burden and the weight will pull you down if you don't work out what to keep, throw away, recycle...
It's behind us so there's not much point dragging it around with us.
Regret is a waste of energy but if you feel it's more powerful than that, perhaps some form of therapy would help.
You say you do what you can now and that's the important part. Things are sometimes out of our control and frustrating as that is, it's how you bounce back from those things.
There's nothing you can do about what has happened, though you may be able to take from it to deal with the now and influence the future. Let the past shape your future but don't sit and worry about how it could have been. I say the same of the unknown in front of us too - there is no point worrying about what might (never) happen.
Regarding your past, it doesn't matter whether it was fate or destiny; it simply "was". Let it go.
Over to you.

About two years ago I ask my self the same question, what if the things what happens to me in the past didn't happen, I was really sad about it and I got therapy for it, how to deal with my past, and now I'm done with the therapy and it really was the best thing I ever did. I say to my self every morning "this is the first day of the rest of my life" and it works. I really hope that some day you can find a way to deal with your past and maybe it's a good idea to talk to some-one who can help you.
Wish you a lot of luck and go for it life could be so beautiful! Keep the faith in it and believe in your self!
Lots of love, Marianne.

You can't ever go back and change the past, however that doesn't mean there isn't hope. You can not change what you have already done, but you have the power to change the long-term outcome. You can choose what to do with what you have been left with after what's done has been done. Surely, fate is fate, but no one knows how it really... works. Seeing into the future kills hope, so that's why I try not to think too much about consequence. Let the past be in the past, and work with what you have. I hope this helps.
Love, Solaf.

I think everything that happens in someone's past is not worthless, even if it wasn't full of happiness or it wasn't the life someone really wanted to have. Your past makes the person you are right now. You do everything you want and accomplish your dreams. If your past wasn't like the way it really was (the one you had), maybe you won't be the person you are right now, you won't be doing your dreams come true. So don't look with bad feeling your past. If it was though, don't even look at it. Just look forward. You did want you need to do when you were a child, like play, enjoying life, without any stress that adults (sadly) has. Don't be sad for the things you couldn't do on your childhood, be happy because you are doing it now that you are able to.
Karolyn, Ecuador.

I really like this question it opens up a lot of introspection. I guess you need to let go of the past, take what is good and keep it, learn from the bad stuff and don't repeat it. Your past has made you what you are today so obviously it could not have been all bad. I am not a believer in fate we make our life what it is, but it is true we don't always have control over it.
Pondering over what might have been will just make you sad and depressed. Here and now is what you have. You alone have the power to really make your life a good one. I would suggest keeping a journal or writing about what you would like to change , then putting it away for a time. In a few years take it out and see how you feel. You cannot deny your past you can only learn from it and grow. Best wishes as you tackle this journey.
Laurie.

I used to dwell with my past. Until I went down deep, analyzed what went wrong what would have been done, and made a note of it. I jot all my words in a paper, I feel more relief that way instead of speaking to some one about it. I strongly believe that even after grown as a adult you are still the result of your past. The roots are from the past which made you who you are and what you are today.
So instead of blaming the past, I learnt from it try to make a better present which I live. Coz in future the present would be my past deeds. Life is best to live in the way as it comes, wear a smile on your face.
Take a chance, make a mistake, learn from it and move on :) I'm a believer of these words.
You can't design your life so perfect coz if you don't make a mistake you don't learn, and you can't taste the success if you don't have a fare amount of failure.
With Love, Niharika.

I really do believe things happen for a reason. Whatever has occurred in your past will, in the long term, work out to be for the best. Both for yourself and for others! (And this is coming from a logical person about to enter a science degree!)
There is nothing you can do to change what is in the past, regret is a useless emotion. Just try to focus on the future and be thankful for the events which have made you who you are today.
Best of luck, Sam.

The past is a mystery as much as it is an open book.
It's the unknown thing that keeps us awake in the middle of the night and it's the thing that brings us comfort when we need.
To begin with, might I say, this is a brilliant question! A question I have asked myself over and over again.
Our past cannot be changed nor can it be fixed, it's a paradox really, a paradox we have to live with.
My advice to you is:
Don't live in the past, don't do a mistake I did myself many times, because if you do that, if you let the past consume you, then you'll be lost. Yes, you can wish to change something, you will always wish that, but you have to think that everything that happened to you, happened with a reason so you just have to relax as a wise man once said.
Our past is debatable, our past is ours and we can't just change it with another, but we can change the future because it didn't happen yet, so here's the catch, use the mistakes of the past to fix your future.
Be brave and strong!
Lots of Love from Romania! Madalina.

I have more knowledge of this subject than anyone else I know. Reminiscing about the past and what could have been, seems to be a way of dealing with problems or unhappiness in the present. That being said, it's impossible to go back, and, therefore, not worth the time it takes to ponder it. Things are as they should be. It's kind of like heaven: no one has ever come back to tell us what it's really like, yet we want to be there. If no one has ever been able to go back and change the past, how can we know we want to be there and that it would be better? We can only dream about it, much like heaven. Simply said, there is a reason why a car's rearview mirror is very small compared to it's front windshield. What is left behind is small and insignificant in comparison to what lies ahead in this great big universe.
Kim, Collierville, TN, USA.

Now 38 years old and mother of a 4 year old I should be wiser. But I am not. Recently I f*cked up badly. Not only for myself but I lost credibility and someone else has to suffer too. I lost my ex boyfriend as a friend and some benefits that came with it. I am suffering and I wish I could turn back time. Still learning life's lessons. I do cry. A lot. I will go on. That is the circle of life. Too many opportunities to live in the past.
Tanja, Cologne.

In order to heal wounds from the past, talking is essential. When you talk about your past, you get to understand why some things happened and that can bring you some peace. Putting what happened into words also helps you see things in other way. It helps you gain perspective. You should open up to someone you trust and that you think will be able to understand you (maybe a friend, a family member, someone in the same position as you, a therapist). If you ignore the emotions your past causes you, they will remain there and will eventually come back to hurt you. Talk as much as you need about what's affecting you. Allow yourself to cry if you need to. Feeling that someone understands you and/or supports you will help you heal. Also, if there's something you regret that you can repair, repair it. Those are things that will allow you to reduce the angst eventually.
Try not to be so hard on yourself. You said it: you were a child. Things didn't depend on you at all. Think about what you'd say to yourself if you were other person. Sometimes we are too hard on ourselves and we wouldn't be so hard on other people in the same position.
I really hope things turn out right for you and I wish you the best.
Noelia, Argentina.

Your problem really stumped me for a bit because I tend to worry about the future which is bad for you. All of us have regrets about our past whether we were in control of them or not. What you have to realize is that the past is over, and it should be used to teach you not to repeat the same behaviors that you regret. I don't think that your past controls your destiny unless you let it.
"What if" is a useless term to use because it is a phrase that doesn't let you move forward. It makes you think about the past, and all of your regrets. You already know that you should live in the present, which is fantastic. You are exactly right!!
What you can do is learn from your past regrets and try not to repeat them in the future. I know that it isn't easy to do this because I had to let go of regrets that I had in my past, and I had to let go of pleasing everyone all of the time. I only have to make myself happy. I learned a secret from this-if I'm happy, then those around me are happy. So, hold my hand and step into the present and stay there. Leave those regrets behind. You have a brilliant future ahead of you.
Cat.

The past is the past, you can't go back in time, you said it. So what you can do now is learn from those past experiences - what did it teach you? Why do you actually regret those things? Sometimes you have to go through something difficult or displeasing to really understand. This is how you really learn - by experiencing. Trying the 'wrong' path will make you understand that the other one is the right one for you. It makes you focus on the essential. Learn from your experiences and take power. Once you understand, you can let go and go forward. How would you actually grow if you were not experiencing anything? You have to and that's what makes life exciting. We are here to learn and help each other out on this journey.
So invite those past ghosts into your house, sit with them and hear what they have to teach you - welcome them as friends, because that's what they are really. And if thinking about tough things still makes you feel bad, then feel it until it leaves you, even if hurts - you will be freed from it forever. Release all those emotions stuck inside your body and you will feel so much better and light. Once you have learned, released and forgiven, you can focus on enjoying the present in peace and confidence and on what you want now, knowing all what you have learned. Always see the positive in what you are living and experiencing and I promise you will be fine. Even if it is difficult sometimes, this how we grow up.
With Love, Chloe.

March 13, 2015 / submitted by The Oracle, United KingdomQ. WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 19 March.

Lately my mental health hasn't been great - and when I say lately I mean for a period of about 5 or 6 weeks. It's started to show through in social situations and I've had a few embarrassing moments out and about where I've simply been too overwhelmed by everything. I'm a very passive person, and so it's been hard to explain or let people know, or even see how I'm feeling. However, this isn't what worries me the most.
My best friend suffers from anxiety, and has gone through some rough patches before, meaning whenever an incident or anything occurs I'm instantly compared to her, and told to just "stop it", because I don't have to be like that.
It's true, and I feel really awful and selfish because I can't control it and she has it worse than me. I'm just not really sure what to do, but I need to do something soon. I've been constantly feeling guilty about it and need advice. What should I do? Anonymous, UK.

Please email your replies with TEAM ORACLE in the subject line to theoracle@coldplay.com
Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.

March 6, 2015 / submitted by Pam, United States of AmericaQ. TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #207
I'm debating whether to do what I know is right or what makes me happy. I would appreciate your wise advice. Thank You.

I always listen to my gut - over my heart and my head. If the choices I have don't involve anything illegal or immoral, don't deliberately hurt anyone maliciously or have negative consequences, I will always do what makes me happy.
Who decides what is right anyway? Usually someone else for their own gain. I'm not a selfish person, I'm generous & giving but I have to put me, myself and I first; I have to do what makes me happy.
I mean that genuinely and for the most part that will be solely for my own benefit and without regard for other people's opinions on that.
If something makes me happy, it surely must be the right thing to do.
Over to you.

Definitely do what makes you happy. Live for yourself and for your own happiness first and everything around you will be better. What is 'right' is a really conceptual and subjective thing that some brain-driven people imposed to everyone. Don't do things because some people or the society tells you to do it this way, never. Do things for yourself, don't let anyone spoil your happiness, it is yours, you decide. Living into the concepts that the society created leads you to fear, anger and thus unhappiness. Trust yourself and love yourself first and do what is right for you and for your well-being. Always see the positive and aim towards positive things that will make you happy and joyful and lots of positive things will come to you and you really don't have to fear anything if you are staying in that state of mind no matter what. Be confident at all time, take care of yourself and don't let yourself be affected by the negativity of others. Learn to love yourself first and you will understand that it will lead you to loving others better as well - this will be good for everyone and everything.
Sending you Love, Chloe.

I'd like to answer your question with a few questions: Is what you are doing making your life and the people around you's life better? Is what you are doing making you happy not only in the moment, but something to remember as good for the rest of your life. Do you enjoy doing it? To be doing something right, you don't need to change the world. To be happy, do things you love, still making sure you are doing what is right. Doing what is right is simple: Make others and yourself happy. So there, you can still do what makes you happy and be doing what you like. Do things that you like that still allow you to do what is right. You can choose the way you live. I would advise to live a life making you and every one around you happy. If everyone lived this way the world would be a better place. It all starts with you.
Best wishes, Benjamin.

I wonder what doing the right thing means for you.
If you think that doing the right thing is living your life according to other's expectations (your parents, your community, etc), I'll tell you that sometimes the right thing is being brave enough to do what makes you happy. It might be hard not to live up to the expectations of the people you love, but what really matters is what makes YOU happy. Life is a gift and the right thing is living it to the fullest, according to YOUR idea of happiness.
You'll regret someday not taking a chance on whatever makes you happy.
On the other hand, if doing what makes you happy involves neglecting the people you love, I would totally advise you to do what you consider to be right. Hurting the ones you love is something to regret too.
I wonder if there's a way to combine both things: doing what you want in life and doing the right thing. Sometimes we need to think a little out of the box and find alternative ways. Sometimes there are more than two options.
Wish you the best. Noelia. Argentina.

I can't really pick a side here. I always manage to kind of balance both. Choose from what makes you happy the things that are correct. Let me rephrase that, do what makes you happy as long as its right. This is quite beneficial as not only are you satisfying yourself with things that make you happy, but you are also pleased about yourself for doing the right thing. Avoid doing what makes you happy if its wrong because not only is it temporary and fragile happiness that are brought along with such an act, but it also brings along misery as you will become ashamed of doing the wrong thing. I hope this helps.
Love, Solaf.

This depends on who is saying what is right. Do you believe it's right? Or is somebody else telling you it is? Sometimes you should take someone you love's advice when they say what you're doing is not the best, even though you believe it's making you very happy. Other times, however, people lose faith in you and tell you what you're doing will never have a good impact on your life. If you believe that the thing making you happy is not necessarily the right thing, try and do the right thing and you'll feel good that you're making a good decision. If someone else is saying that what's making you happy isn't the right thing, try and see their point of view. Think about why they believe it isn't right and see if you agree with them.
Katie.

Often in life we come across these situations. Don't feel selfish if you do end up doing what makes you happy. Sometimes, doing the right thing between these decisions doesn't always necessarily mean you are doing the correct thing.
As a wise man Chris Martin once said back in June 2014, "everything that's happening to you is what's supposed to be happening to you, so just relax." If you feel that doing the right thing will be for the greater good and it won't affect the people you care about around you chose the right thing. On the other hand, if you chose to do what will make you happy remember that you chose that decision; it may have consequences but it could be for the greater good.
The decisions we make in the present determine our near future. Don't feel regret. Regret is a dark thing; it holds us back from moving on in life. If I were to conclude with an answer for you Pam, I would do what I know is right.
I hope this helped.
Otis.

I'm 30 years old and in some aspects in my life I've done what is right; fell in love with only the right person, doing what society says is ok, studying, finding a job... but some years ago I realised that most of that stuff didn't make me happy at all... so now, I'm doing what makes me happy even if its right or wrong, I quit my job and trade it for fruit picking jobs for 2 years in an amazing country, I fell in love with somebody that wasn't the best fit for me but still made my days wonderful... so who cares about doing right things! Do whatever feels good, whatever makes u the happiest person in the world, that way you will feel you made the best decision!
Paola.

I understand you, debating between what's right and what makes you happy is hard.
But you have to think about yourself first, because it's your life we're talking about.
Three months I became a volunteer in a project. At first I did everything because I had to, but after I saw the joy and happiness on people's faces, I became happy. And even though I lost many nights of sleep and I was so tired, I did what was right and what made me happy.
You should do the same. Try and combine the two options you have.
You don't necessarily need to choose, you can do what's right and do what makes you happy, you just have to find a balance between them.
Finding the balance is a challenge indeed, but I feel that you're a strong person and that you can do it!
Don't forget that we all believe in you!!
The power of belief is what will get us through, as a wise man once said.
Good luck!
Lots of Love from Romania!
Madalina.

If you say you KNOW what right is, I guess then you gave the answer. Maybe you just can accept to postpone the happiness because we all want satisfaction, results and happiness immediately. Knowing the right decision, you have to take courage and do it, happiness will come as a consequence of it. If something is right and you know it, it's naturally followed by happiness, maybe you just don't see it now or it takes time to show results. You separate the right decision and what makes you happy in your letter, but I try to unite it.
If you know what's right, like you said, then I guess you just aren't ready for that step and somehow you turn to what makes you happy like to an excuse.
That's what I felt from your letter, because you said you knew what right was.
If you didn't know what right was, I would speak differently.
You also didn't say if that was right from your point of view or others imposed it. Think about that and also consider both sides. It would help me to know what is this all about, but without knowing it, I must act like a philosopher. I hope I helped but these words maybe will help even more, at least for your soul.
"I can't and I can't decide
Wrong, wrong from right,
Day, or my day from night,
Dark or the dark from light,
I live but I love this life."
Love, Kamili.

Wow, that's a tough question to answer without knowing any of the specifics, but I usually choose to follow my heart. As far as we know we only live once, so I think its best to do something that makes you happy and not to waste your life feeling miserable because you chose to do 'the right thing' if it doesn't make you happy. Maybe there's a way to both do whats right and what makes you happy? If not, I'd go for doing what makes you happy, unless that's stealing, hurting someone or harming animals in any way. Just kidding, good luck with your decision.
Amanda.

I think you should do what makes you happy. Because the thing that you know is right, might not make you happy. If you do what makes you happy, you can enjoy going to work. You can be happy with what you chose, and you'll have fun doing what you love. Ask yourself this, would you want to do something you enjoy? Or something that you have to do?
Carolyn.

You should always choose to do what you believe is the right thing to do. It takes a lot of strength to be selfless and do the right thing but afterwards, you will feel very light knowing you stood up for what is right. Choosing to not do the right thing would lead to feelings of guilt. Doing whatever makes you happy will only make you happy while you were doing it, but afterwards is a feeling of a long and heavy burden. Whatever it is that you have to choose between, we are here cheering for you to do what is right.
Cheers.
Jen, Philippines.

Since you didn't say what you want to do, it's a little hard to answer your question. I would say that as long as you don't break the law, you should do what makes you happy. You never know when you won't be here.
If it involves a career choice, always do what makes you happy. If it could hurt someone else, you need to think about it. If it's not a good situation, I would suggest that you go for happiness.
Cat.

I can appreciate where you're coming from and I've thought about this many times. One thing I've learned in life is that extremes are not usually healthy or good, even when they claim to be. Balance in life is so important. I'm always cautious when I hear of a decision being based on a person's "happiness" because it infers that the decision has been made without taking anyone else into consideration. There are too many people that only think of themselves in this world. At the same time, when I hear of a decision being made based only on what is "right" I worry that the person has not thought of themselves at all, which is not good either. Stand up for yourself but in doing so, don't only think of yourself. Also, make sure that the happiness you see for yourself is actually happiness and not just a perceived easy way out of a situation. And make sure that the right thing is what you think is right, not what someone else thinks is right for you. Whatever decision you make just know that someone will end up being hurt and/or offended (either you or someone else) and realize that you can't make everyone happy. Above all, make sure you show only love to those involved, including yourself. I hope you can find your answers and wish you the best of luck.
Carrie.

March 6, 2015 / submitted by The Oracle, United KingdomQ. WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 12 March.

Dear Oracle, my question is: How do you deal with your past? Lately I've been thinking about some memories wondering what would it be like now if it was different before? It's not that I blame myself because there's nothing I could've done as a child. As an adult, now I do everything that I can and wish but I regret about some things and way of living that didn't depend on me. I know that there's no going back, there's only present, but what do you do with emotions about past and wishing to turn back time and make things different? Do you think it's a destiny and there were no other options? Thanks for your replies! Love to all, Kamili, Croatia.

You show them. I'm wondering if you're meaning that you are overwhelmed by your feelings and struggle to articulate your words or if you genuinely feel so strongly that you think there aren't any words.
This probably won't surprise you but words don't often fail me. In my world, there are always words. Sometimes there are simply a few ("thank you") and sometimes that are many.
I like to write down thoughts and feelings. Maybe a poem right from the heart would do the trick?
There's a saying: actions speak louder than words. There might be a way for you to put your feelings into a gesture.
This person obviously means a lot to you, perhaps you could make something personal for them: a playlist, a memory book, photo book, a gift... something that shows your gratitude.
Over to you.

Ah, yes. Oh so many times. As a person who loves to speak in metaphors when expressing love and appreciation, sometimes I can't think up the right one, or find difficulty in getting my message over properly. Usually, I don't find it to be bothering enough because I find my way around it, but when I don't, I have to stick to actions as of course they speak louder than words. I express my feelings towards them by showing them how much I care instead of telling them. I look out for them, provide them with emotional support, and show them great appreciation when they are feeling low. However, you have to be careful with this, as too much can come off as clingy, or bloat their ego massively. I hope this helps. Love, Solaf.

Action speak louder than words.
Show the one you love how much they mean to you with how you treat them, how much time you spend with them. Give them a kiss, a hug (*Oracle's note: ask permission! O.) Write a song if you are a musician - instrumental if you fail for words for the lyrics. Surprise them with a present if you know what he / she likes very much.
Love from Germany. Maren.

Yes, I have felt this and then some many times. I'm not usually a shy person- I am loud, outspoken, And I'm not afraid to stand up for myself. Sometimes I even speak just to know I'm not being ignored.
That being said, I am very quiet at times when I just don't know what to do, like when I want to express gratitude for someone who means the world to me. I met someone, who changed my life, and now - almost two years later - he has no idea how much I care about him. The most I've ever said is, "Thanks for, well, everything."
As to what to do about this, the answer could not be more clear- just tell them how you feel. This, of course, is a given. Sometimes, I guess, it feels weird just saying, "Thank you for..." whatever, because, well, it just is. More often than not, I trip over my words just to order food, let alone voice my deepest gratitude for someone I really care about! But, like most situations, the waiting is the worst part. You will feel so much better after you've said some kind of thanks. Victoria.

I know also some-one Who means a lot to me, and yes it's really not easy to express in words how much that person means to me, he was in my live when I was 13 years old he was the only person I trust, he was like a father to me, at that moment I was feeling my self alone and had the feeling that it was me against the world, but he shows me that the world was not that dark that it looks like so I guess that sometimes you don't have the words to explain how much some-one means to you, you feel it in you're heart and believe me he / she knows.
Greetzz Marianne.

Once again a lovely question. My mind races but a simple answer will suffice. Sometimes gestures need not be grand or lavish to get our point across. What matters is not what we say but HOW we say it, or the context of saying it. Look deep in your heart and ask how you feel. Try not to edit it, or worry about how corny it may come across. I am reminded of a previous answer I gave on this site, in which my daughter thanked me and her simple words meant far far more. Sometimes it is hard to put our true feelings into words but a heart bursting with gratitude is not easily hidden and our emotions and body language will all convey what we may feel we have left unsaid. I feel this way about Coldplay how do you thank talented artists for bringing passion and joy to your life? I feel unable to convey it but I hope they know this soul has a much richer life because of it. Best wishes to you and take care, Laurie.

I have to admit that your question is a question I put myself many times over the years.
The thing is, if you feel something for someone like, love for a guy or love for a friend or family, you have to say it.
I'll tell you something, 3 years ago, my grandfather died and I haven't got the chance to say to him how much I loved him and that broke my heart. Since that day, I always say to my family how much I love them and I do the same for my friends as well because you never know. It might be the first time you see someone or the last time and you don't have to regret that you didn't say something. I proved myself a year ago that I can speak my heart by telling the guy I loved that I truly love him and even though nothing happened between us, I am so happy that I was able to lift off that weight over my shoulders.
You should do the same. Be Strong and Confident, if you truly love someone with all your heart, tell that person so you won't regret it later like me.
Learn from mistakes and be brave.
Take care of you!!
Lots of Love from Romania!
Madalina.

Maybe you can express how you feel by showing them a song. Carolyn.

I think what you could do is write to that person. I personally love writing because I find it a lot easier to express what I feel clearly, it also actually helps me to clear things out in my mind. What I would suggest you is to write a letter but without thinking too much about what you are doing or saying, just be honest and say what's in your heart. Let the words flow through you - be relaxed and have a calm mind and it will come by itself. And even if you can't really express what you feel properly with words - as those things are really things that you actually have to feel - even saying that will have an impact and has a true meaning. And hopefully the other person will feel the same towards you and will understand what you are talking about. Trust yourself and trust the person you love and his understanding. But if you really feel like you have to tell him/her, do it, really.
With Love, Chloe.

If you don't have words,then use actions. Make some surprise to a person. Buy something that he or she needs or plan some trip to some special place. Do whatever that person would like you to do. But may be the hardest would be to find those words of gratitude, so you should do it if you feel thankful and full of love. That person probably doesn't know the reasons of your gratitude. I mean maybe he/she knows your feelings and love but can't assume that he/she has done for you so much. I think that we never know why we are important to close people. They never say the facts about us and we don't say it to them. Friendships, family relationships and even romantic relationships are taken for granted sometimes in sense that we don't express our love and gratitude by words and facts about persons. Everyone needs to hear why he is special and what qualities he has, no matter how close we are and how understandable that thing is. So find the words and tell or write a letter, every memory of that person, action, quality. I'm sure he/she would be happy to hear that. There's a song in my language which says:"You're better than me, you're better, even when you're worse, you're better. You're better then me, you're better. I'm not ashamed to tell that you're better." We should use these words sometimes. Love, Kamili

When the words do not exist, then perhaps you could try to express yourself in a different way. Whether it is through music, art or even human touch/embrace. I don't know what this person's relationship is to you, but sometimes all it takes is your physical presence. Sometimes, you just need to be there. Don't underestimate the power of something as simple as a genuine loving embrace. Barbara.

February 27, 2015 / submitted by The Oracle, United KingdomQ. WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 5 March.

I'm debating whether to do what I know is right or what makes me happy. I would appreciate your wise advice. Thank You. Pam, USA.