The OkCupid Chronicles: Volume One

Volume One: Online dating is making me more feminist

So I went through a pretty serious breakup towards the end of November last year. To put it lightly, I was pretty devastated. In the interests of moving on, I’ve decided to start dating again. But because I hate (read: despise) going to clubs, and my main form of socialising is providing Sunday dinners to my friends, I figured, like many people, that OKCupid would be my best bet.

Now, I’m a nice person. I have my moments, but for the most part, I am a pleasant person. When I started my adventures in online dating, it never occurred to me that I would be anything other nice to people, and I did try. But then I started getting messages like this:

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There are SO many things wrong with this I can’t even…

maybe you should have a good hard think about whether an affair is what you really want.

if it is, that’s terrible opening line. What would possibly induce a woman to say “yes” to that?!

I’M TEN YEARS YOUR JUNIOR.

Oh and this was an absolute beauty of an opening line:

What I really don’t understand is why some men think it’s appropriate to pull this sort of shit on the internet. Would you go up to someone at a bar and say that? No. No you wouldn’t. You would start a conservation before leading up to “oh btw, I’m married and want to have an affair”, or “Hello random person, I would like to invite you to an orgy”. A FUCKING ORGY.

I’ve never experienced this level of self-entitlement from a man before. Every guy I know is a lovely, genuine person (at most, a bit odd), so having grown men saying some of this stuff to me was shocking. And still, for the most part, I just ignored it or politely said no and – virtually – ran away.

The moment I decided to let rip was about a week ago, when I had this conversation:

Some people are telling me “Oh just ignore them” but why should I? Isn’t it about time that we start pointing out this sort of behavior and shaming the guys who do it? Why should I ignore the fact that he’s read my preferences and chosen to ignore them in favour of what he wants to do? Why is it just accepted that men are just going to try and sleep with women so much younger than them. It’s not right fellas.

Now, I’m not saying that every single experience on this site has been terrible. In fact, I’ve had some lovely conversations with some guys who have clearly taken the time to read my profile and try to get to know me, but a minority of assholes are ruining it for everyone. They are the reason online dating gets such a bad name.