Urgent Message To All the World: MAD MEN Was Almost Interesting Last Night

May 13, 2013

What it is, it ain’t, motherfuckers!

Happy Mothers Day, again. You know what’s cool about Mothers day? Because we’re kind of just talking about how at one time you were a wild ass woman having raw dog sex with fluids going every which way and we celebrate that with flowers and brunch. And, that sounds much better than most holidays I’ve ever heard about.

Also, I woke up this morning with Robert Palmer’s “Simply Irresistible” running through my head and I looked up the genius on Wikipedia and the one paragraph under “Personal Life” was so majestic I had to post it here:

Robert Palmer was married in 1974 to Shelly Putman. They had three children together, Anthony, Anna and Martin. They divorced in 1978. In 1979, Robert Palmer married Susan Eileen Thatcher. They had two children together, James and Jane. They divorced in 1989. In 1993, Palmer permanently relocated from the Bahamas to a converted mill-house in Lugano, Switzerland after he found that the islands had become overrun with drugs and guns and were no longer safe. Palmer’s companion at the time of his death was Geraldine Edwards.

Amazing. Living in the Bahamas to a converted mill-house in Switzerland. If that was the tale of my life, I would be the happiest man in the world.

Currently, I’m pretty fucking happy because I just ate a homemade cinnamon roll that was the size of my fist that Danielle’s mom made yesterday. We have 5 more, so if you can make it to Motown, I’m sure we can figure out a barter trade system or simple momentary reimbursement or whatever. I’m not going to name a price for them now. Once you see them and the cinnamon and gooiness are inches from your face, you’ll pay whatever.

So…

MAD MEN

Who told you you could poop? All I remember telling you you could do was sit around naked in bed in this hotel room and wait for me to come back and have sex with you. NO WHERE in that list of demands does it detail you pooping! Don’t you want this random dom-sub relationship to work?!

So, last night, was a mildly interesting episode of “Mad Men”… well it could have been.

What really could have been interesting is the end of the episode, but it wasn’t.

If you didn’t watch last night’s episode or if you did and you already forgot it then let me fill you in on the deets.

Don Draper continued to have an affair with the above red hot Linda Cardellini who on the show to me fluctuates between 10 years of age depending on how they dress her. She’s 38 and sometimes she usually looks like she’s younger than that when they have her stripping her clothes off. Other times, they have her dressed up like she’s 92. I don’t know what’s going on with this character. It becomes even more confusing when her bald husband shows up and most times next to him Linda looks like she’s his daughter. Either way…

Don and Linda get a hotel room – #503 if that means anything – and after a midday fuck session, as they are both getting dressed, Don dips back into this dom-sub, dirty Don, dark Don persona that they’ve been using this season. Before it was the whole, keep those shoes on because I’m going to fuck you so good in those shoes that you’ll be cumming laces. Then like two scenes later it was like, keep that cross on because I’m going to fuck you so good wearing that cross that you’ll be cumming crosses or something. Whatever Don said.

Last night, Don told Linda to crawl over and get his shoes. Which she didn’t! What a bitch. He then told her to stay in this hotel room and wait naked for him and not pick up the phone. He sent her lingerie and she put that on. Then he made her wait all day and came back to the room to make her strip and have sex. Then the next morning he took her book from her and went on a sales call that required another castmember to fly a plane for some reason and when Don got back Linda wasn’t into the whole sex game anymore and decided to go back to her husband…

AND THIS IS WHERE THE SHOW COULD’VE GOT INTERESTING!

For a second, I thought Linda was going to turn the tables on Don.

But… she didn’t.

THEN! Don says “please”!

AND I THOUGHT LINDA WAS GOING TO TURN THE SUB-DOM TABLES ON DON!

But… she didn’t.

THAT would’ve been interesting.

If, at that moment, Linda had given Don directions and turned him into this subservient mess that really fucked with his strong psyche, especially during this business merger and jockeying for power at the office. If she had Don wearing her underwear to work or made him stay in bed. If all of a sudden, Don was so pussy-whipped by his mistress that he was ruining his own life by playing along with this mind game sex play with Linda… THAT WOULD’VE BEEN A STORYLINE!

Instead, we get the same old same old and I assume a goodbye from Linda. Seems like that was the end of the short lived character of the sexy neighbor and another notch in the belt for Donald.

Back to the wife, back to work, couple more episodes left and then another year off for Mad Men with nothing new to report.

For a second though! FOR A SECOND THOUGH! I really thought we had something with Linda.

If Mad Men wanted to be the show that it claims to be… it would’ve been really something interesting to have had big Don Draper reduced to a sub to his mistress. Would’ve made sense to with how he’s been dominated by whores in his life like they were showing and his perversions. His perversions should really get the best of him.