Being Myself

Sometimes, believe it or not, I have trouble just being myself. Actually, that isn’t really accurate. Being myself comes extremely naturally. Sometimes I have a problem with who I’ve been. Sometimes that regret is immediate (like, after I offend someone when I don’t mean to but I realize it by the look of hurt on their face). Sometimes that regret seeps in slowly (like all the times overall that I should have been cleaning my room instead of putting it off). Most of the time at the end of the day I look back on how it went, and I realize I have probably annoyed a lot of people with my constant chatter, nonsensical whimsy, irritating questions, and interjections. Don’t even get me started on those moments that I try to be funny. I end up looking really dumb, or really mean. Usually I feel pretty awful about trying to be funny.

Then, somehow, the negative always transitions into positive. I think about all the good things that happened that day, and once I get going I just can’t stop. It turns out that I smiled and laughed more than I was upset most of the days of my life. Why? Because throughout the day, until I get home, I live in the moment. I am myself. I am rich. I think to myself, “If life is really so bad like this, why do I always do it this way?”

I was raised in the sort of home where we were so encouraged to be positive. In fact, being positive came naturally in our household by the time I was a teenager. As a child we were not allowed to say we were bored, or Mom and Dad would be certain to find something for us to do. I learned quickly how to entertain myself with what I had around me, and that some things just needed to be done– even if they weren’t as exciting as eating ice cream out of the carton. Hey, I’m pretty easy to please.

Once my Dad was so upset that he didn’t get to make it onto a ride with some of his buddies. Mom told him that there would be other chances to ride the motorcycle that summer, and that there was probably a reason for it. That same night my Dad’s buddies were in a terrible accident. One died immediately, and the other was severely injured and didn’t make it through recovery. Ever since then, I have learned not only to accept the negative but to seek out the positive. My dad didn’t get to go on that ride, but my dad is alive. He got to ride several other times that summer and many summers since that one. I get to ride of the back sometimes!

I am so thankful for each event, no matter how painful or frustrating, that has shaped me into who I am today. I am going to keep enjoying every moment I can. Every single one. I am going to soak it all up!

Last week a little girl that I’d never met gave me the hugest smile, and that smile has stuck with me until today. I like to think that sometimes my smiles have such a positive impact on others.

I would not at all say that I am the best kind of people. I am a work on progress, and I am always growing. I am a moving target. I am frustrating, tiresome, and a little disheveled. But I do know that I am worth it, even if I am not the best.

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The Blogger

Smile about what you are thankful for, and never forget you are a dreamer.

I AM

I am a girl on a mission, and the mission I am on is to be myself. I am an undiscovered treasure, and here I am giving you a key that will allow you a little further into the labyrinth of who I am.

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Reading: just about anything I can get my hands on, other blogs, and especially YA Fiction Novels. Lately I have been really into anything by SARK and other non-fiction books.
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Writing: updates for my blog, a children's book, music/lyrics, and letters to pen pals. ;)
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Singing: Warm-Ups.
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Learning: How to use my voice as an instrument, History of Art, Watercolor, how to be actively involved in creating a better community, and something new every single day.
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Hoping for: Wisdom and patience when things are hard, a smile no matter what, and a better community. __________________________________
Dreaming about: HAPPINESS
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Eating: <3 Peanut Butter Pie. Peanut Butter Sandwiches. Peanut Butter No-Bake Cookies.
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Drinking: Water, usually.
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Playing: The Sims 3, Dance Central, and the Piano and Guitar.
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Watching: Christmas/Halloween movies, Who's the Boss? reruns, and crazy-cool documentaries about dead people.
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Listening to: Informative & Educational Podcasts, all kinds of music, and trying to listen to my parents (they are very wise, after all).

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Heather

Heather loves hats that are designed to look like cute animals, fairy wings, cheese pizza, swimming in ponds, roller blading, taking silly self-portraits, learning, spending time with people, and just about everything else too. Heather does not love ... well, there isn't a lot that she doesn't love. You can probably figure it out after a little while!