A little less 'love and light' and a little more 'dark of night'.

I’ve missed a few days. Even more on my Instagram. But with good reason.

My baby; my 15 year old cocker spaniel, died last Friday, May 12th.

She was battling a bad case of bronchitis and we had been to the vet twice that day. She fell asleep while looking at me in the evening. And never woke up.

I’ve known her for almost half my life. She’s been my constant companion since my dad passed. She was his constant companion before that. He lived with us, so she was never far.

Some people don’t understand how it hurts so much for a dog. I kinda pity those people.

I’ll get back to it soon with more readings. But for now, I need time to be sad. Every piece of my life was marked by a part of this damn dog. And because of that I feel the emptiness of her departure so severely even simple actions can make me cry.

Mercury retrograde ends and I feel like I’m a walking are nerve ending. Ugh.

Meanings of the cards included may be both traditional and intuitive.

Counter-clockwise from the top: overall influence, work, love, and play.

Overall Influence: The Tower

Yeah no surprise there. Your internal revolution is up in arms for causes! Break the mold and don’t ever let them tell you why kind of prison you should accept as necessary. Remember the other side are still people, and don’t be an ass.

Work: Seven of Cups

Take your time, weigh your options, and choose carefully. You have a lot of positive things going on, but have to refine your focus.

Love: The Chariot

Get out and get shit done! You’ll never find your solution by avoiding it. Take a risk or two while you’re at it, but smartly.

Play: Eight of Cups

Cancelled plans, lost games, lackluster results. This is not your best week for play.

Eliminating the negativity from my life this week. It’s felt almost overwhelming lately…

Meanings of the cards included may be both traditional and intuitive.

Counter-clockwise from the top: overall influence, work, love, and play.

Overall Influence: Queen of Pentacles

Hearth and home may draw most of your attention this week. Home improvement and spring cleaning are definitely good ideas! You should be able to accomplish much at this time. Try to avoid major contract purchases until after the 3rd if you can.

Work: Six of Pentacles

Things will likely be going better, all of a sudden. Now is a good time to ask for a raise if you are eligible. Balancing work should feel much easier this week.

Love: Nine of Swords

If something is troubling you, trust your gut. Don’t be in too much of a hurry. Now is not the time to ignore a problem but to confront it before it has time to fester. Don’t place all your hope and trust in the person you just met. Be cautious.

Play: Three of Cups

Reunions and celebrations! Now is not the time for solitude. Reach out to others.

HOLY CRAP MAJORS and of course cup cards. I feel like my decks are all cup cards these days.

Ending: The Star

The recovery period is ended. Time of preparations and peace are closing. You’ve had time to prepare, to think on things, and now you should be ready.

Continuing: Page of Cups

Learning empathy, emotion, and to experience new things will not be slowing down. May be an emotional learning of your spiritual beliefs, may also be embracing your inner child.

Starting: Strength

YAY SETTING BOUNDARIES! That thing we all have to practice. You should finally start to see some benefits come from it. You are strong enough to stand your ground, to advance after planning, to work towards the goal. Keep with it, and you’ll be better at the end.

Be Aware: Three of Cups

Parties, celebrations, communication, community, creativity, friends, etc. All wonderful things! Except in too large of amounts, so be very, very careful until the full moon just how much you indulge here.

Conscious Influence: The Hanged Man

Transition. You may be consciously trying to pause or hesitate. Your attempt to stop a flood is noble, but likely futile. You are attempting to be thoughtful, but the planning is over, and you should know when to make the decision and stop ruminating.

Subconscious Influence: The Magician

It’s all about using your resources. You are in a position of advantage and should utilize it now. Destiny is calling, and it has no plans to wait. Trust your gut on this one.

This week has been a whirlwind of personal and professional changes. Talk about major upheaval. Wonder what next week looks like!

Meanings of the cards included may be both traditional and intuitive.

Counter-clockwise from the top: overall influence, work, love, and play.

Overall Influence: IX of Wands

Challenges are coming, but you are ready. Take a deep breath, calm down, and don’t let the anxiety or stress overwhelm you. Not everything can be solved by you, so focus on what you can change.

Work: VII of Wands

You’ll come out on top in competition. Projects should be moving along (finally). If you ever wanted to be self-employed, now is the time to do your research. This is especially true with Pluto just entering retrograde.

Love: The Magician

You’ll be reaching previously unexplored levels. New energy, or new people, are coming. Progression and a return of strength are also part of this card.

Play: The Sorceress

Trust your gut – it’s usually right. New surpises will pop up. Make yourself aware of what’s going on around you. Now is no time to be oblivious!

Previously, I had never understood ancestor worship/honoring. Throughout my life it had seemed somewhat backwards of a concept. To ask for assistance, or revere/recognize, ancestors in my pagan practice that were, very likely, of a different religious belief. Why am I asking for guidance from my Catholic ancestors (of which there were many)? Why would my desires be something they would care to lend their energy to? How could I even expect a Catholic soul to respond to a pagan calling? Wouldn’t they be abhorred to discover their great-great-great-great-great-great-great-granddaughter was a witch?!?!

Then, as usual, perspective came in a life-changing moment.

Then, my dad died. The day before Christmas Eve.

My dad lived with me and my husband, and was fully-functional and able to care for himself. He knew my beliefs and found them interesting, and never spoke a word against or to try and convert me. He died very suddenly or a heart attack, in our home. The home I had grown up in and my parents had transferred to my name when I became an adult. The home my husband and I still live in. We came home from work and found him on the floor in his favorite spot – cutting up strawberries, one of his favorite foods.

I have been a “Daddy’s Girl” since I could breathe. While my mother and I have a few pleasant memories, my dad and I did EVERYTHING together. Theme parks, large and small events, pony rides, trips to the park (with or without the dogs), sneaking with him to work for the day (construction on empty homes for sale), even learning to build with my two hands and how to fix cars.

I had never been without him. My world fell apart. I honestly don’t have much more than a few spotty memories from the 4 months that followed. When I finally came out of my funk sometime in April, it was just in time for his birthday. Just one of many struggles in “the year of firsts” that happens the first year without someone who was always there.

So, why am I rambling, you ask? What does this have to do with the original question, you ask?

My father was born Catholic, and died a born-again Christian. Seriously, the church PAID for his ENTIRE memorial service we held in their chapel.

And then there was the lightbulb moment.

My father and I are connected, irrevocably, forever, by the love of a father and a daughter that we shared. Religion, bias, opinions, lifestyle – none of it mattered. We are still connected. It felt odd not to reach out to him; even wrong on some level. I’m not saying this is true for everyone, but it is certainly true for me.

And if I feel that way with my father, not all the rest of them? If the quote says “You are the result of the love of thousands” (Linda Hogan) then why should I not try to touch them?

So I did.

Why did I not reach out sooner? What did I have to lose from trying? Why had I been so sure they wouldn’t answer? Why did I not understand, no matter how many articles I read or people I spoke to? Why had this concept been so difficult for me?

This has been a hard week. Between that crazy full moon and ALL OF THE RETROGRADE PLANETS! Seriously, I’m about ready for some direct energy at this point. Mercury retrograde feels like a train hit me this time.

Meanings of the cards included may be both traditional and intuitive.

Counter-clockwise from the top: overall influence, work, love, and play.

Overall Influence: God of Bones

A positive new beginning! You have reason to be upbeat and hopeful about your future. Something new and good is coming. Now is a good time to explore your beliefs and try something you may have been too scared to attempt.

Work: The Magician

New work may be coming your way. This can be landing that new position, a new major project on the horizon, or even a promotion. Either way it points to good fortune with funds. People will see you; making sure you are polished and ready for the spotlight is a good first step.

Love: X of Bones

Material wishes will be met and your security affirmed. You have so much to be thankful for, make sure it is not taken for granted.

Play: VIII of Plumes

We must be open to defeat if we ever plan to win. Overcome your fear of failure or embarrassment. If you need help ask for it.