Wednesday, 6 April 2016

More than a pet

Since my last post, there's been some changes in my life. I always promised myself that if I moved into a bungalow, where the landlord allowed pets, I would get a cat. I've had one before, and found that this helped my mental health a little.

For me I find it's having someone to look after, some responsibility. It's more than a distraction. It's that feeling of being needed I think. Knowing that you've given a loving home to your cat is of course a big positive thing too.

The cat I have now is so affectionate. His name is Billie, he's my little shadow, and I love him to bits. He can be a little terror sometimes, but it's all worth it. Physically, it's taking its toll on me, but I don't really mind. Mentally, I feel that my general anxiety isn't as bad.

I'm having to push myself more right now anyway. My dad's physical health has worsened, and he will be having his first knee replacement tomorrow. He is due to have another replacement of his other knee too, but I'm not sure when that will be done.

I did want to say my mental health overall was a little better, but it seems I've had a relapse with the depression. I think a few things may have triggered it, but it can be hard to pinpoint. I feel as if I'm just about holding on right now. I'm having times where I feel numb, times when I'm very self loathing and guilt ridden, and times when I just feel *wrong*. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin.

I'm really hoping that this is just a bad patch that will ease soon. I'm waiting for a call back from my psychiatrist to arrange a meds review, so will have to mention this to her. I do need to get some support from mental health services in the area I live now, but I'm very confused as to what's available. I also don't know if I'm ready to do any sort of therapy just yet either.

I wish I had more to say in this post, but I'm finding it hard to find the words. I'm struggling, and I think it's taken a little while for me to realise that. I'm going to try the self care thing, cuddle Billie cat, and get what sleep I can. Thanks for reading.