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Matty the Damned, looking every bit the hick country fag in his flannelette shirt, badly fitting off the rack jeans and to the butt pony tail wandered into the notorious Stonewall Hotel on Vaseline Alley, in Sydney.

I ordered a beer ("Toohey's Old, love") when a particularly prettified twink, all coified and decked out in Diesel apparel grinned at me with evil intent. He looked at his gaggle of drug fucked cock-sucker buddies and lisped:

"I didn't know they let the homeless into GAY pubs!"

His mates giggled at this vicious bon mot.

I carefully placed my beer on the bar, smiled back, casually lit a ciggie (Winfield Blue don't ya know) and asked by way of response,

I do it for every scruffy looking, awkward queer who has ever been insulted by some drug fucked pill queen wannabe bitch in a gay bar. I cultivate a daggy appearance as bait for the airhead tina twinks. They truly are grist to my bitter mill.

AAAhh Yes, I fondly remember trading witty insults with co workers there was an entire sub-class of 'Your Mama' jokes which came to a screeching Halt one day when a fellow who was pretty much the Master of the Mama Jokes mentioned that his mother had come home and scared away a burglar ( his mom also happened to work at the same company)Without hesitation I said " He probablly was just sniffing her Panties" lets just say he didn't see the humor in it..later, another co-worker told me that he couldn't keep a straight face whenever she would come around because" All I can Think of is that Burglar Sniffin' them Panties" I was pretty much considered the unspoken winner by default of the Mamma Joke- a- Thon.

Another good one, which I've only used once, is " If I took your brain and shoved it up a Gnats ass, [ at this point demonstrate the motion of shoving something up a Gnats ass] It Would look like a BB in a Boxcar"

One Ive heard but never been despicable enough to use, is "You are a complete waste of White" although it would be particularly well suited to some knuckle dragging redneck...

I love the one about balancing the arse on the shoulders though, but not being an intimidating 6'3 Austrailian, I probablly would get my ass kicked.... again.

Logged

"Fortunately, I Keep My T Cells Numbered For Just Such An Emergency" -Either Foghorn Leghorn or Johnny Cash

Why do I think I've written this once already....I'm sure I did. Well....so what.

We had the nerdiest asshole running a lab in whatever manufacturing facility I was at. He was trying to impress us all with this ridiculously overcrowded graph SPC chart from hell. It was unreadable and was so full of data points that I asked him (in front of everyone)...

I was on my bike when Consumed called me to ask where I was. I said, in front of a bunch of cows in a field, he commenced mooing so I said, HEY, DON'T...there's a sign that says no mooing at the cows. He said: REALLY?!?!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. What a NY city slicker. I'd love to see how they enforce the no mooing law.

"Please, go to the doctor, have him find the vague outline of where your balls used to be, and BEG him to sew a pair back on."

"You're not worthy to wash the floors in the brothel in which you were whelped."

"Out of over a million of your father's sperm, YOU were the quickest?"

"What's the difference between your ass and the Lincoln Tunnel? I don't know either."

"At least you won't ever make a contribution to the gene pool."

Logged

"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful nor conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, adaptation in A Walk To Remember

AAAhh Yes, I fondly remember trading witty insults with co workers there was an entire sub-class of 'Your Mama' jokes which came to a screeching Halt one day when a fellow who was pretty much the Master of the Mama Jokes mentioned that his mother had come home and scared away a burglar ( his mom also happened to work at the same company)Without hesitation I said " He probablly was just sniffing her Panties" lets just say he didn't see the humor in it..later, another co-worker told me that he couldn't keep a straight face whenever she would come around because" All I can Think of is that Burglar Sniffin' them Panties" I was pretty much considered the unspoken winner by default of the Mamma Joke- a- Thon.

Another good one, which I've only used once, is " If I took your brain and shoved it up a Gnats ass, [ at this point demonstrate the motion of shoving something up a Gnats ass] It Would look like a BB in a Boxcar"

One Ive heard but never been despicable enough to use, is "You are a complete waste of White" although it would be particularly well suited to some knuckle dragging redneck...

I love the one about balancing the arse on the shoulders though, but not being an intimidating 6'3 Austrailian, I probablly would get my ass kicked.... again.

Lwood, please make a blog showing us exactly how to "motion shoving something up a gnats ass!"