EuroBeery 2012: England v Ukraine, Sweden v France

It's the end of the EuroBeery group stage tonight. Thankfully.

When I started out I knew I'd struggle with a few countries as, despite one too many Ratebeer get-togethers, I've not had too many beers from some Euro nations. It's made some match-ups unfair and others overtly one-sided. Never mind, eh. That's football.

So to assist matters tonight, I'm going to let the countries help fight it out through the medium of dance.

Group D: England v Ukraine

A confident England field the regionals for the first half. Fashion and fad are transient; class is permanent. Bitters by Adnams and Harveys are quintessentially English ales; on cask, they're world-class.

The Ukrainians can't muster a reply. They think it's all over.

They go all out with embroidery and flamboyant trousers:

England reply with mad bastards dancing with swords in a pub:

It's the rappers wot won it, Brian.

Result: England 3 Ukraine 0

Group D: Sweden v France

You can tell that Sweden don't really want to drag Närke Kaggen Stormaktsporter off the bench. It's been there a few years, has blazed brilliantly in the past though it is in danger of fading away in the near future. But it's an early lead and goals = points = prizes, Bruce.

Let's call that two goals. Let's suppose that all France have left in their bag of beer talent is Vieille Brune by Brasserie Thiriez. Let's say, because it's the best French beer I've had, it's worth two goals.