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Monday, June 25, 2007

Fucking bumpkins

Two 14 year olds rob a house of a cache of guns, including a .303 hunting rifle, then take off on a horse, before switching (very sensibly) to a Ford Falcon XR6 "sports saloon." (Who the fuck knew anyone still called them "sports saloons"?). Locals are reported to be "angered" because "these things happen only in Auckland".

Yeah, too fucking right ... every house is practically overflowing with hunting rifles up here in the big smoke. These massive urban arsenals practically beg your average 14 year old to break in and take off on the nearest horse. I can hardly sleep some nights for the noise of gunshots further down the ghetto.

For fuck's sake, why does the media report this rubbish? I sleep fine except for the boy-racers on Friday night (hardly unique to Auckland, eh?) and the local kids discovering a cache of ... fireworks ... once in a while. As for guns ... never owned one, never fired one, lived in Auckland 25 odd years. I'd be next to useless in the forthcoming Zombie apocalypse.

The other week another bumpkin told me they didn't want all the beaches in the area developed "like what's happened up in Auckland." So, that would explain why, within a 25 minute drive of my house, I can be walking along Bethells Beach, feeling like it's the end of the earth, with not another person (let alone a house) to be seen?

Back to our 14 year old armed offenders ... PC Plod has already made the link to "American-style video game[s]." Fuck, I knew the Americans were responsible for this somehow! Of course, if there was a GTA: Sydney or GTA: Saigon developed by non-American programmers no one would play it. (Disclaimer: such games may already exist, for all I know). Why stop with video games though? Surely Bonnie and Clyde are the original "American bad examples for youth" (TM)?

You can guess who the bumpkins blame for coastal development too ... Americans.