Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Waiting

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It is can be paralysing to realize how much you love something that has not yet even taken it's first breath in this world. The fear of uncertainly catches your breath in your throat and momentarily stops your heart. The people that know me would say I am your typical "A"type personality. I like to be in control; of my environment, my emotions, and just about everything else that is really important to me. In contrast whelping is something you have so little control over it can be emotionally overwhelming for the average person and down right terrifying for a conductive personality like me. Add to this mix that my heart is so wholly engaged in this process that it is one of the few times in my life where I am left completely open, raw, and vulnerable to the whims of outside forces far beyond my jurisdiction. This realization always hits me a few days before my girls are due to give birth, usually while they are sitting on my lap and I can feel the new lives inside them maneuvering themselves around in the rapidly diminishing free space. I do everything I can to stack the deck in my favour but I know all too well that in the end I will be forced to let the chips fall as they may and accept whatever outcome is given to me. As with most terrier people I possess the same tenacity and stubbornness our breed is infamous for but sometimes no amount of willingness can change a situation, and it is that knowledge that tightens it's grip around my chest and puts me on edge. The tenseness doesn't ever fully leave until my puppies are around 4 months of age and thriving but it does ebb a little after they are born and filling their little bellies for the first time. Once they are here, they are living physical beings I can put my hands on, and their mother is doing well I feel like I have just the teansiest bit more control over their destiny. I have the luxury of choice at this stage and the ability to monitor, supplement, and administer veterinary care if necessary to any individual who is not thriving to my standards. I have influence. But, until they are here I have but faith and hope that the love I have for them, and the generations of terriers behind them, will deliver them safely into this world and my waiting arms.

"So when you buy a puppy and with your precious dollars part,

remember you only give your money but [the breeder] gives their whole heart"