Bendtner hasn't a sniff

Manchester United complained earlier this season that Manchester City’s pioneering tunnelcam, which gives viewers of the club’s website a look at goings-on as players head out of the dressing room and onto the pitch, was too indiscreet.

And the Gunners' Arsene Wenger is likely to agree after Nicklas Bendtner was captured sniffing as he walked down the tunnel and saying “it stinks of p***.”

City later removed the footage, although it’s still visible elsewhere on the interweb:

Asked by host Kirsty Gallacher to name the actor who could play his brother Gary in a Hollywood remake, Phil replied, “T-Bag from Prison Break. Because he’s the gay one.”

Off the gravy train

(Image: Getty)

His critics said Fabio Capello never grasped the English culture, and there can be no better demonstration of how true that was than the Italian’s appearance in the White Hart Lane press box on Sunday.

While some pondered what the Russia coach was doing at a match featuring no Russian players - and what it all meant for poor old AVB - more sensible folk were transfixed by Capello’s choice of lunch.

Don Fabio snubbed the traditional Sunday fare of roast beef and Yorkshire pudding in favour of a healthy option.

Still, at least he’s still getting a free lunch out of English football...

Write and wrong

Footballers have it tough at Christmas - none more so that Joey Barton, who revealed this week that his dog keeps urinating in the front room “because he sees the tree and thinks he’s outside.”

But while writing your cards for friends and family, please take more care than one former World Cup striker once did.

Our hero - now a pundit - confesses that, during the height of his career, he rushed from a match to the hospital where his wife had just given birth to their first child, stopping on the way to buy the missus a thank-you card.

She read it, looked annoyed, and handed it back.

Whereupon he read the heartfelt message he’d scrawled earlier:

“Best wishes, Tony Cascarino”.

The reel deal

(Image: Ben Hoskins)

Footballers are known for their flash motors, so hats off to Norwich City’s Jonny Howson.

The keen angler’s vehicles include a van he uses for fishing trips, which has ‘Let’s Go Fishing!’ emblazoned on the side.

Still got it!

With 30-something Frank Lampard bound for Brazil, what of the midfielder of a similar vintage who was once picked ahead of the Chelsea star for England?

Lee Hendrie, who beat out Lamps to make his Three Lions debut in 1998 and is only 13 months older at 36, has just joined Basford of the Toolstation Northern Counties East Premier division - where in his last two games he has played in front of a combined crowd of 194.

Wicked whisper 1

Which player, renowned for his hard running and professionalism, let his hair down on a recent visit to his hometown, where his 12-strong party ended up in a local strip club without their trousers?

Wicked whisper 2

Which married midfielder’s mistress broke down in tears while leading a Zumba class and told the assembled keep-fit enthusiasts she’d just discovered he was having two other affairs?

Football gaffes

Heard a gaffe? Tweet it using #FootballGaffes or email steve.anglesey@trinitymirror.com