I make annoying people stop breathing using the Force. I kill worlds using a big flash of light from the Death Star. I used to fly around in a fighting space car and use smaller flashes of light to stop other space cars which have people in them who do not want to do what His High Person says. I keep His High Person laughing. I keep First Man Green Wood laughing also. Sometimes.

I did not try to work in my interest in quantum field theory. Some things cannot be written by 1000-word man.

It is right to follow the ways of our people. If a man does not follow the ways of our people, bad things may be done to him. He may be put in a bad building where he can not leave for months or years. He may have to pay much money.

The ways of our people are many. They are long and hard to understand. Most men do not know all the ways of our people. Even the men who run our towns and cities and states do not know all the ways of our people. I am one who tells others the ways of our people so that they may follow them and bad things may not be done to them. The men I most tell the ways of our people too are the men who run our towns and cities and states, so that bad things may not be done to them or to our towns and cities and states.

In the ways of our people, a person is a man or a woman but also a town or a city or a state. When one person hurts another person, or that other person’s stuff, or that other person’s chances in life, he has to pay the other person, but only if he did not follow the ways of our people. Sometimes the first person and the other person do not agree on what are the ways of our people. Sometimes the first person and the other person do not agree that the other person or his goods or his chances in life were really hurt or they do not agree how they got hurt.

When they do not agree, there is a man who has power under the ways of our people to listen to the first person and the other person and to decide for them on the parts where they do not agree. This man will also listen to someone who knows the ways of our people and will let that person speak for the first person or the other person. I am such a one. I most often speak for towns or cities or states or the men who run them.

Oh, I say, quick-run it. This is a game that takes-money- from-everyone-to-pay-for-the-good-of-the-group,-or-so-they-say, my putting-up-with-annoying-things-for-a-long time-without-being-angry. Jeeves, a life-water and water-with-air-pockets, light on the water-with-air-pockets, and make it of-or-like-that-which-snaps.

MCJanuary 16, 2013

I thought 10,000 sounded too easy, and in fact it’s only the top 1,000.

Adam, I admire your attempt, but you sound a little like a bad Hollywood western.

John MansfieldJanuary 16, 2013

Sorry, if I’m not allowed to say “vortices” then it just isn’t worth talking about.

Ben PrattJanuary 16, 2013

Some people make computers. Those people buy computer parts from other people. One kind of part is cut from a piece of rock stuff. Each piece of rock stuff must be made ready before it can be cut into computer parts. The people who make the rock stuff ready need boxes with no air so the pieces of rock stuff can be made ready in a good way. Those people use things that take out the air from those boxes. Sometimes those things do not take out the air from those boxes. My job is to look at things that do not take out the air from boxes anymore and fix them so that they do take out the air from boxes.

A. LincolnJanuary 16, 2013

Four times twenty and seven years ago our fathers brought about on this land, a new way of leading people, which started with people doing what they like, because we think all men start off the same.

Now we are fighting in a great fight between each other, finding out whether the new way of leading people, or any other way of leading people that is the same, can long go on. We are met on a great big place for fighting of that big fight. We have come to set off a part of that field, as a last resting place for those who here gave their lives that that way of leading people might live. It is in every way fitting and right that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we are not able to set off—we are not able to make it good—we are not able to make like God—this ground. The men who worked through their fear, living and dead, who struggled here, have set it off, far above our not very good power to add or take away from. The world will little note, and not long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here.

It is for us the living, rather, to be set off here to the not yet complete work which they who fought here have to this point so moved forward like the best kind of man. It is rather for us to be here set off to the great work remaining before us—that from these dead we like to say good things about we take more love to that cause for which they gave the last full part of love—that we here promise very much that these dead will not have died in for no reason—that this way of leading people, under God, will have a new start of doing what you want— and that leading of people of the people, by the people, for the people, will not go away from the world.

BarneyJanuary 16, 2013

I love you You love me
We’re a happy family
With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you.
Won’t you say you love me too
I love you You love me
We’re best friends like friends should be
With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you.
Won’t you say you love me too
I love you You love me
We’re a happy family
With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you.
Won’t you say you love me too
I love you You love me
We’re best friends like friends should be
With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you.
Won’t you say you love me too

Pecos BillJanuary 16, 2013

Blessed if Mr. Lincoln don’t bring a tear to my eye even when his words is touched up to git past the up-goer five doohickey.

Or mayhaps it’s the touching up that’s got me weepin’. Either way.

Elsewise, while I git yer point about the stupid Barney song gittin’ past without needin’ to change a single letter, I hate seein’ that kind of thing putting the ugly on a good palaver.

Adam G.January 17, 2013

I’ve never read Mr. Lincoln in the New Inspired Version before.

Adam G.January 17, 2013

Vader,
I plead guilty say to the man who decides the ways of our people that I did not followed the ways of our people.