TEHRAN (WNB) - Just days after the Obama administration caved to Iranian nuclear demands, Iran has announced the development of "indigenous" ballistic missile technology, which would allow it to fire a nuclear payload over great distances.

Brigadier General Heresmi Salami, the lieutenant commander of Iran’s elite Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps (IRGC), claimed that "Iran is among the only three world countries enjoying this type of ballistic missile technology," according to the state-run news agency.

White House spokesman Jay Carney downplayed the news, saying President Obama was "still pretty sure" Iran would never combine long range missiles with nukes for use against the U.S. or Israel.

The proposed design (below) features an image of a bloody dead infant with scissors protruding from its neck with the moto "Support Planned Parenthood."

"We want to be sensitive, so opted not to go with the obvious phrase "choose death," said Democrat Rep. Chris Taylor. "Hopefully this subtle image will still prompt individuals to consider killing their unborn children."

CONWAY, Arkansas (WNB) - A new investigation indicates that condoms being handed out at Obamacare events are actually being supplied by a GOP cover organization.

"Well, I just hope the GOP isn't working to prevent the birth of future liberals by handing out all these condoms, because that would not be right," House Minority Speaker Nancy Pelosi told reporters Wednesday.

So far, over 200,000 condoms have been handed out at Obamacare promotional events by an organization called "The National Institute For The Eradication Of Ignorance."

11/26/2013

"Your threats to Iran were as empty as your support for Israel," reportedly said Netanyahu. "Sadly, in the end you proved yourself to be either a coward, hopelessly deluded, simply stupid, or most likely a combination of all three."

White House sources say the call ended when an "extremely emotional" Obama hung up on Netanyahu. This isn't the first time the forceful Israeli leader has intimidated the U.S. president.

SACRAMENTO (WNB) - A California chapter of a national atheist organization is posting dozens of billboards in an effort to lure as many other people to an eternity in Hell apart from God as possible.

The group will post billboards in Sacramento on Monday, carrying messages like, "I'd rather worship my all-powerful self,""Studying the Bible while smoking crack made me an atheist," and "Sex. Alcohol. Farm animals — God's not watching."

At this point, only the most disengaged and uninformed among us cannot see that America has been taken over by communists. You can call them socialists or Marxists if you like, but the bottom line is still the same: authoritarian, centralized government control of our nation. This is the culmination of at least a hundred years of steady, subversive communist infiltration of our federal, state and local governments and all our major institutions by those who embrace this evil, tyrannical ideology.

11/25/2013

TEHRAN (WNB) - Iran's leaders are celebrating their victory over "the great Satan" today after President Obama decided it was better to sacrifice Israel and some Middle East allies, than go to the trouble of protecting them and the US by opposing Iran.

A laughing Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, Iran’s supreme leader, said in a televised address Monday, "The high-stakes battle against a former pothead and community organizer was as challenging as it sounds - we got everything we wanted and more, praise Allah!

Under terms of the agreement, the US drops all sanctions, releases held Iranian funds, and agrees to "treat Israel like shit" in return for Iran not "knowingly" aiming any nuclear-armed missiles it builds at United States forces or parts of Israel.

Scrambling Israel military experts have been seen visiting moderate Arab countries scouting airfields.

11/22/2013

SPOKANE, Washington (WNB) - There is widespread anger over reports a white supremest prison group has placed a bounty on the heads of two 16-year-old youths charged with murdering an elderly war veteran.

The Aryan Brotherhood is reportedly offering a $10,000 bounty for the deaths of young Kenan Adams-Kinard and Demetrius Glenn, and many people across the country are expressing outrage.

"What kind of country are we living in?" asked one Spokane minister. "I'd give that much myself to send the little bastards back to Hell. People are so stingy these days."

CHARLOTTESVILLE, Virgina (WNB) - Paranormal investigators were called Thursday afternoon to Monticello, the home of Thomas Jefferson, after reports of mysterious noises on the property.

"It was like this loud "whirring" noise. I started hearing it outside after lunch," said one groundskeeper. "It sounds like it's coming from the gravesite."

Paranormal investigators confirmed the sound is emanating from Thomas Jefferson's grave, and described it as sounding like a "high pitched whirring or spinning sound." Sources say an EVP (electronic voice phenomena) recording last night also picked up a male voice yelling "bastard read."

11/21/2013

NEW YORK (WNB) - Federal authorities arrested five men in New York this week for attempting to bring over 200 pounds of methamphetamine from North Korea. Samples of the blue-tinted meth tested an amazing 99% pure.

Acting on a hunch, a DEA investigation revealed Amazon had sold and delivered a DVD boxed set of the television series "Breaking Bad" to the presidential palace at Pyongyang recently.

A recent photo of leader Kim Jong Un (below) appears to confirm fears that the drug was state-sanctioned.

QATAR (WNB) - Government sources in the Arab state of Qatar deny their new World Cup stadium resembles anything sexual, saying the design was already modified before construction to make sure it didn't.

"The original design looked too much like a young boy's buttocks, and Muslim men were struggling with impure thoughts," said an official. "We changed the stadium to look more like an uncircumcised vagina to fix the problem - it will look better when we get the hair on."

NEW YORK (WNB) - First Lady Michelle Obama was involved in an accident that sent two BET television hosts to the hospital.

Obama was appearing on "106 & Park" with hosts Bow Wow and Keshia Chanté Tuesday when Bow Wow produced a Garrett popcorn canister containing pieces of paper with questions for the First Lady. Unfortunately, Mrs. Obama assumed the canister was full of carmel corn, and in her ensuing attempt to secure the can, "violently trampled" both young hosts to the floor.

Chante and Bow Wow were reportedly taken to an area medical center suffering from non-life threatening injuries. Show insiders claim Obama "left in a huff" after discovering the canister did not contain one of her favorite snacks.

By Wayne Allyn Root - I don’t mean to say, “I told you so”…But I told you so.

In October of 2012, just before the election, we heard miraculous unemployment reports that made it sound like the economy was turning around. Hundreds of thousands of jobs were supposedly created. Happy days were here again. “Bravo Obama,” said the adoring mainstream media. It was the biggest one month jobs increase ever.