The condensed directions: Read the cue, react to the cue. There's no right answer, no research required. I cite sources where applicable but it's all about coming up with creative answers. Winners are picked in a week.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Checklist: A list of words will be accompanied by a scenario in which to use them.

baby, calendar, Bono, door, whiteout

Use the list of words to write about a 911 call.

We have a winner!!! (11/10/09)

Yet another story to hit the tabloids: Chastity Bono's assistant made a call to 911 after Chastity, upon looking at a calendar, realized that she was late- the having a baby kind of late- and became so enraged at the complications this created in her sex change surgery that she punched a door. "We're not talking a little mar you can use whiteout on," she said. "You could pass a cantaloupe through the hole she made."

Yet another story to hit the tabloids: Chastity Bono's assistant made a call to 911 after Chastity, upon looking at a calendar, realized that she was late- the having a baby kind of late- and became so enraged at the complications this created in her sex change surgery that she punched a door. "We're not talking a little mar you can use whiteout on," she said. "You could pass a cantaloupe through the hole she made."

Okay, its like this....this salesman came to the door. He was really good looking and very nice.

Was he armed? Did he harm you, Threaten you?

Oh, no. It was the baby.

He threatened the baby?

Oh, no. He was really nice, he even offered to help me clean up.

Clean up?? What do you mean? Did he break something?

Oh, no. Like I said it was the baby.

Okay, let's try again. What is your emergency?

I keep telling you its the baby!

What about the baby? What does the salesman have to do with the baby?

Well, nothing really.

[Losing patience] Ma'am, I am trying to help you but you've got to at least give me a hint of what the problem is. Now, just try to tell me as simply as you can.

Ok. Like I said I was talking to this nice salesman (Did I mention that he was cute?)

[Grinding teeth] Look lady, just get to it will you?

Right. Well I guess I got distracted by the salesman and the baby got into the White-Out and splashed it all over my calendar!! I can't read a thing. Ya gotta help me.

[Nearly screaming] HELP YOU WITH WHAT?

I'm trying to tell you.

Ma'am, I am busy here and I don't have time to waste....

Oh, no, don't hang up! My tickets were in there.

Tickets?? Parking tickets? Moving violations?

Oh no, Bono.

Oh no bono??? Excuse me?

I'm going to see Bono and the tickets got all covered with White-out and now I can't remember what day they were for. I've got to find out. If I miss the show, I'll die, just die!!

I'm trying to understand here. Did the baby drink the White-Out or cut himself on the bottle?

Oh no, except for the White-Out smeared in his hair, he's fine. His mother is gonna kill me if I can't get it out too.

[ Deep shuddering breath] You're not the baby's mother?

Who me? No way!

Who are you then?

I'm the babysitter.

How old are you?

14 1/2.

{Voice Rising] Young lady, this is number is for real emergencies. Not dumb 14 1/2 girls to get information on stupid stuff like concert dates!!!Hang up the phone this minute and DO NOT CALL 911 again until you are at least 30 years old!!!! [CLICK]

Again I am sorry ma'am but Bono is not here, this is 911. You know the number for life and death emergencies?

Yes. I know what 911 is. Bono said that after he had the baby he changed his number to something much simpler to remember. He knew that he would have too much to remember. So I said to myself what is the easiest number to remember? Well duh...911.

Again (with impatience now) Bono is NOT here this is 911.

If he isn't there then where is he? And what should I do about his number that I wrote on my calendar?

OK Ma'am I understand now. Use white out to remove his number from your calendar. Use the white out to remove his number from the phone book also please. And I hear him knocking on your door right now so you never need to call him again. Ta Ta Bye-Bye.