“Music is art, but Muzak is science. And when you employ the science of Muzak: in an office, workers tend to get more done, more efficiently, and feel happier. In an industrial plant, people feel better and, with less fatigue and tension, their jobs seem less monotonous. In a store, people seem to shop in a more relaxed and leisurely manner. In a bank, customers are generally more calm, tellers and other personnel are more efficient. In general, people feel better about where they are; whether it’s during work or leisure time. Muzak is all this and more. That’s why we say Muzak is much more than music.”

O.K. fine. This incomprehensible MUZAK STIMULUS PROGRESSION CHART proves something, just not sure what that is: