Science was never my thing. And by “never my thing” I mean that I loathe it. Earth Science=rocks are dumb. Physics = velocity squared times I don’t care. Chemistry = Periodic Table of Death. Biology = the bane of my existence. I only failed one class during my college career and that was Bio. I re-took it and got a D-. I was clearly enthused about learning. Photosynthesis and cells and plant life are sooooooo boring. I have no time for that. However, I believe that my teacher initially failed me for one reason and one reason only–the size of my carbon footprint.

Me in every science class.

I have pretty big feet. And you know what big feet mean…big shoes! Hah yeah everyone makes that joke, but it’s somehow funnier when I say it, don’tcha think? My size 11 feet make pretty large footprints, so shouldn’t it make sense that my carbon footprint would be above average? It seems pretty straight forward.

My teacher made us take a quiz online to measure our carbon footprint. I printed mine out and brought it to class. I answered the questions as honestly as I could. Here’s an example of a question:

What energy sources do you use in your home? Check all that apply.

Electricity.

Natural gas, propane, or liquified petroleum gas.

Heating oil.

Wood burning biomass.

Being a completely normal person, I only checked electricity and moved on. I mean come on, heating oil? I’m not Amish. Wood burning biomass? WTF is that?

When I got my quiz results it said:

Ughghh really? This is the opposite of impressive. Maybe my teacher won’t judge me, I thought. Oh, she judged me alright. She judged me good and hard. I tried talking to her and I even pretended that I was interested in mitosis! But even my greatest brown-nosing failed me. I was disappointed for like 5 minutes and then I got over it. I realized that I am who I am and if that means I’m single handedly destroying our planet, then so be it.

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31 thoughts on “My Carbon Footprint”

Your teacher’s kinda snarky yo. That was seriously harsh. 6 Earths? Honestly? Just for electricity??? ‘Cause the oil/nat gas drilling in Texas is causing Earthquakes. Allow me to repeat – EARTHQUAKES. IN TEXAS. From pillaging the Earth of it’s natural resources. I’m just sayin’, don’t you worry so much about your smidge of electricity hunny. The pic of boo is brilliant by the way LMAO!!

Whoa, you have the same size feet as me! I hope your body is in proportion and you’re not like a hobbit haha.

What other energy sources could you use at home? Don’t let that bitch judge you, I bet she doesn’t use wood burning biomass (log fires etc) to charge her phone or use liquified petroleum gas to turn the lights on!

In England my shoe size is only a 9! Sorry to disappoint you! I’m definitely the opposite of a hobbit. 6 feet tall!
You WOULD know what wood burning biomass was. I guess we use log fires and gas apparently. How am I supposed to know?!?

Hahahaha! This was so funny! Your descriptions of each of the sciences cracked me up! and Boo’s sleepy eyes! Haha!
Just FYI we use both gas and electricity soooo you’re probably only needing 3 earths for your lifestyle. I’m not sure it would have mattered to your teacher. Maybe she just didn’t like your size 11 feet?

Heheh glad you liked it! Boo knows exactly how I felt in science classes. Scared and alone. Good to know that we use gas as well. Like, how am I supposed to know all of this stuff? I’m pretty sure I’ll still have 6 Earths because there’s a question that asks about transportation and how many miles you drive and fly in a year….sooo yeah. That one was pretty bad too. You’re right though. She was probably racist towards my feet!

So true! I never looked at it that way. I know what you mean about saving money for the electric bill. That always sucks. I find myself turning off lights when I’m not in the room and stuff like that. It makes me feel responsible and gross and old.

Haha Lily. This was hilarious! I laughed out loud when you said you even pretended to be interested in mitosis! LOL! I don’t know what mitosis is but I’m definitely going to start peppering all my conversations with it. Especially with people who talk too much. I’ll just bring up Mitosis and I bet they’ll go away (unless it’s your bio teacher!) And good for you for ruining at least 6.6 earths so far! If that’s not a record, it should be! 😀

Hahah glad you enjoyed! The word mitosis has haunted me since college bio 2006. Bad year. 6 Earths should totally be a record! If anyone can beat that, they deserve a medal for all their hard work. You really have to put in some effort to destroy multiple planets, ya know? What’s the opposite of the Nobel Peace Prize? Nobel Death Prize?

Yeah, I’m one of those smarty pants guys that took 8:00am Calculus, and didn’t mind it. The thing I did mind was the 9:00am Physics class right afterwards. I don’t even remember what integrals or derivatives are anymore.

Size 11 shoes?? I had to ask.

And another thing, don’t they say the average family has like 2 and 1/3 kids in it? Put all them 1/3 kids on that .86 earth. That should make everything better.

I’m way terrible at science, too, don’t feel too bad! The only part of it that stuck with me was plant stuff, but mostly because I love seeing the stop motion plant growth films. I took a plant sensory class (it totally counted as science and there was NO math involved–my real downfall) and my best friend just happened to be in the class too. It became my fave class and my very last class of my BA.

That sounds awesome! I love when there are easy classes that count towards your major. So awesome. Even better when your friends are in them! I also like the stop motion growth films. They’re kind of magical. If science was just watching plants grow, I think I would be really good at it! Maybe.