Fridge Magnet humor

My son, Mitchell, a kindergartner, practices spelling with magnetic letters on the refrigerator: cat, dog, dad, and mom have been proudly displayed for all to see.
One morning while getting ready for the day, Mitchell bounded into the room with his arms outstretched. In his hands were three magnetic letters: "G"-"O"-"D."
"Look what I spelled, Mom!" Mitch exclaimed, a proud smile on his face.
"That's wonderful!" I praised him. "Now go put them on the fridge so Dad can see when he gets home tonight."
That Catholic education is certainly having an impact, I thought, happily.
Just then, a little voice called from the kitchen. "Mom? How do you spell 'zilla?'"

A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting drunk.
A man came in and asked the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?"
The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things you just can't explain."
"So what happened that's so horrible?" the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.
"Well," the farmer said, "today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket."
"Okay," said the man, "but that's not so bad."
"Some things you just can't explain," the farmer replied.
"So what happened then?" the man asked.
The farmer said, "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left."
"And then?"
"Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket."
The man laughed and said, "Again?"
The farmer replied, "Some things you just can't explain."
"So, what did you do then?" the man asked.
"I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right."
"And then?"
"Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail."
"Hmmm," the man said and nodded his head.
"Some things you just can't explain," the farmer said.
"So, what did you do?" the man asked.
"Well," the farmer said, "I didn't have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in ... Some things you just can't explain."