TIFU by masturbating into a sock and forgetting about it.

I live with my partner in a one-bedroom apartment. We have a den that we use as a shared office; a small outdoor patio is accessible from the den.

One night I was feeling frisky, but partner was asleep, so I took care of things on my own. The office is a natural spot for this; it's private, and it has a desk with a computer that I can use for such a purpose. I did the deed and finished in the first thing I could find: a sock. Sleepy and satisfied, I tossed the befouled sock behind some bags near the patio door and went to bed.

I woke up the next morning to a horrified partner: "THERE ARE ANTS. EVERYWHERE."

Here's something they won't teach you in school: ants love cum. Can't get enough of the stuff. Turns out the door to the patio doesn't seal too well, and those ants, well, they found the prize. My poor better half followed the trail of ants back to a cum-soaked sock absolutely crawling with ants -- dozens, probably hundreds of them. Poor thing actually picked it up and threw it outside.

I went to the store as quickly as I could to buy a can of insecticide. Those ants are dead as fuck. The sock went in a sandwich bag, then directly into the dumpster. I spent the rest of the morning cleaning and eradicating the rest of the cum-crazy ants. Partner is now willing to laugh about it, but politely requested that I use tissues from now on, like a normal person.

TL;DR: Do you want ants? Because masturbating into a sock and leaving it near an exterior door... that's how you get ants.

Relevant LPT: Cum can stain tile and linoleum, and can bleach darker clothes and flooring. It's a real bitch to deal with once it dries, so please. Clean immediately after you're done or take preventative measures.

Also relevant ULPT: keep a ziplock bag full of cum on your person at all times. If someone attempts to fight you, you can open the bag and slosh the contents in your attackers general direction. Either the fight ends or he is more aggressive

If you keep the container sealed, it won't actually dry out if there's enough

Source: as a teenager, I ran out of tissues one night and decided an empty plastic water bottle would do. Hid the water bottle, forgot about it for a week, found it again, still wasn't dried out but the semen did separate into it's different components (water, sugars, sperm, etc) and when I opened the bottle, I was hit with a really strong bleach smell.

this is amateur. I don't go out in public without my jizz suit. it is 2 layers of garbage bags sewed together that I have filled with months of stored jizz. Any would be attacker has to get through my jizz barrier which has been 100% successful at deflecting attacks thus far.

Also LPT: That shit gets disgusting when aged. It's extremely alkaline and reacts badly to most everything. Also if you get some on your sheets, ffs remember its going to soak through to the mattress too. Baking soda and vinegar or peroxide can percolate stains out but god it's a mess to do.

So my man juice has useful applications outside of getting someone pregnant? Now I don´t have to use dangerous chemicals, when I want to bleach my clothes. Where do you recommend storing it, socks aren´t a good idea, but how would shoe boxes or hollowed out coconuts do?

I mean it's a question of grip. Like when you lower a small child into a drain to clear out a blockage, it's usually better to tie a rope to them to get them back out, gosh did I learn that one the hard way.

Ahem... It's Smörgåsbord ya plebs. And no, it's not pronounced like you think it is. I'd say it's pronounced closer to smer-goes-boored if you drag the last O's a little. The E is because... Finding an Ö sound in english is difficult.

It's legit. My wife and I got frisky on vacation last week and did the deed on the balcony under a full moon. Some evidence was left behind and the ants were working hard to clean it up in the morning.

When I was a frisky lad I tried fucking a jar of vaseline once, but after a few pumps I realized it wasn't gonna work. I closed the lid, put it in the far back of the bathroom cabinet, and have been using my hands ever since. To this day the jar is still there in my parent's house, with a penis shaped indent right in the center. Not sure why I never threw it away...

If someone's in close proximity to the bathroom, I've often got a toothbrush in my mouth in one hand and my weiner in the other, so all they'll hear is the sound of me "brushing my teeth" and they never suspect a thing... hopefully

I went to Florida several months ago. I was quite happily swimming around with the dolphins when she suddenly decided to grab my foot with her genital slit. Dolphins have very muscular vaginal orifices, and can use these muscles to manipulate objects and carry them. I stayed still for a while, to see if she was just playing, but she continued to masturbate against my foot, and in the light of the torch I sometimes carry, I could see that her slit had become very pink and had swelled as well. She was aroused!

So, I started to back-paddle with my hands towards a small beached area, partially submerged in the water. A couple of times she pulled me forward into the deeper water, but eventually I got my self to the shallows. I dislodged my foot (Being careful not to pull too hard), and took her gently by a pectoral fin and rubbed her belly just to aclimatize her, I guess. She immediately rolled belly up and started doing pelvic thrusts against the palm of my hand. It was unmistakebly erotic, and by now I was fully aroused.

I stripped off my shorts, and gently pulled her into the shallows until she was lying on her side, her belly facing towards me, half submerged in the water. I nestled myself belly to belly against her, and pressed my member against her genital slit. She immediately arched her body against mine, and took me inside her body, initiating a quick series of muscular contractions with her vaginal muscles. I wrapped my left arm around her body and just held her close while she manipulated me inside her body, until I climaxed barely 2 minutes later. Surprisingly, her body also shuddered against mine, and we spent the next 5 or so minutes just lying together in the shallows, holding each other, enjoying our company and revelling in the fact that we had shared something special together, something very few people can claim to have done.

I do not brag about this though. It is not something you can brag about, since it not only is demeaning to the act, but it destroys the purpose of the act as well; to express affection, and trust. I only consent to those dolphins who ask. As a result, I have mated only three times. Each time was memorable and special, because each time it was something we both wanted to share with each other. Sex, for me, is just another, albeit powerful, expression of affection and trust. I wouldn't engage any other animal, though; it is not my attraction. But there is little I wouldn't do for a dolphin.

HE SAID: I WENT TO FLORIDA SEVERAL MONTHS AGO. I WAS QUITE HAPPILY SWIMMING AROUND WITH THE DOLPHINS WHEN SHE SUDDENLY DECIDED TO GRAB MY FOOT WITH HER GENITAL SLIT. DOLPHINS HAVE VERY MUSCULAR VAGINAL ORIFICES, AND CAN USE THESE MUSCLES TO MANIPULATE OBJECTS AND CARRY THEM. I STAYED STILL FOR A WHILE, TO SEE IF SHE WAS JUST PLAYING, BUT SHE CONTINUED TO MASTURBATE AGAINST MY FOOT, AND IN THE LIGHT OF THE TORCH I SOMETIMES CARRY, I COULD SEE THAT HER SLIT HAD BECOME VERY PINK AND HAD SWELLED AS WELL. SHE WAS AROUSED!

SO, I STARTED TO BACK-PADDLE WITH MY HANDS TOWARDS A SMALL BEACHED AREA, PARTIALLY SUBMERGED IN THE WATER. A COUPLE OF TIMES SHE PULLED ME FORWARD INTO THE DEEPER WATER, BUT EVENTUALLY I GOT MY SELF TO THE SHALLOWS. I DISLODGED MY FOOT (BEING CAREFUL NOT TO PULL TOO HARD), AND TOOK HER GENTLY BY A PECTORAL FIN AND RUBBED HER BELLY JUST TO ACLIMATIZE HER, I GUESS. SHE IMMEDIATELY ROLLED BELLY UP AND STARTED DOING PELVIC THRUSTS AGAINST THE PALM OF MY HAND. IT WAS UNMISTAKEBLY EROTIC, AND BY NOW I WAS FULLY AROUSED.

I STRIPPED OFF MY SHORTS, AND GENTLY PULLED HER INTO THE SHALLOWS UNTIL SHE WAS LYING ON HER SIDE, HER BELLY FACING TOWARDS ME, HALF SUBMERGED IN THE WATER. I NESTLED MYSELF BELLY TO BELLY AGAINST HER, AND PRESSED MY MEMBER AGAINST HER GENITAL SLIT. SHE IMMEDIATELY ARCHED HER BODY AGAINST MINE, AND TOOK ME INSIDE HER BODY, INITIATING A QUICK SERIES OF MUSCULAR CONTRACTIONS WITH HER VAGINAL MUSCLES. I WRAPPED MY LEFT ARM AROUND HER BODY AND JUST HELD HER CLOSE WHILE SHE MANIPULATED ME INSIDE HER BODY, UNTIL I CLIMAXED BARELY 2 MINUTES LATER. SURPRISINGLY, HER BODY ALSO SHUDDERED AGAINST MINE, AND WE SPENT THE NEXT 5 OR SO MINUTES JUST LYING TOGETHER IN THE SHALLOWS, HOLDING EACH OTHER, ENJOYING OUR COMPANY AND REVELLING IN THE FACT THAT WE HAD SHARED SOMETHING SPECIAL TOGETHER, SOMETHING VERY FEW PEOPLE CAN CLAIM TO HAVE DONE.

I DO NOT BRAG ABOUT THIS THOUGH. IT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN BRAG ABOUT, SINCE IT NOT ONLY IS DEMEANING TO THE ACT, BUT IT DESTROYS THE PURPOSE OF THE ACT AS WELL; TO EXPRESS AFFECTION, AND TRUST. I ONLY CONSENT TO THOSE DOLPHINS WHO ASK. AS A RESULT, I HAVE MATED ONLY THREE TIMES. EACH TIME WAS MEMORABLE AND SPECIAL, BECAUSE EACH TIME IT WAS SOMETHING WE BOTH WANTED TO SHARE WITH EACH OTHER. SEX, FOR ME, IS JUST ANOTHER, ALBEIT POWERFUL, EXPRESSION OF AFFECTION AND TRUST. I WOULDN'T ENGAGE ANY OTHER ANIMAL, THOUGH; IT IS NOT MY ATTRACTION. BUT THERE IS LITTLE I WOULDN'T DO FOR A DOLPHIN.

I have a plastic bag near my bed (0.5 metres away so my hand can ~reach it after my exercise on the bed) as my cum-in-tissue dumpster. The whole bag is thrown away once a week but sometimes the tissues don't land in the bag and would be on the floor. Anyway, one time I saw a bunch of pieces of ants on the floor under the edge my bed. They were only about 0.4 metres away from my bag. I don't know why they died but I also found a few pieces of them on my bed..? Hope they didn't crawl into my sack though.

Using my powerful pincer mouth, it took next to no time for me to reach my goal. I took a sniff to confirm my target. sniff Yep, there's no mistaking it, this poignant aroma is the same scent that I picked up 2 hours ago. I quickly take a bite out of it. It's mushy and cold but it felt it was eager to enter my body. I originally paid no mind to it, until I couldn't anymore. I realised my mistake but it was too late. I could feel the food I ate, it is alive. It is spreading itself over in me and it is squirming. My stomach, my intestines... Wait, it's in my hands now. And I'm feeling... weird? I begin to touch myself where it is squirming. But very soon, touching becomes not enough. I have to do more. I need more. My body begins to shake and my conscious begins to fade. I can I feel myself coming. As I approached the anticipated climax, everything ended, abruptly. The squirming ceased, my body froze in place and my conscious

It also depends on the species of ants, I'm guessing. Ive lived in two houses, both with ants, but only the ants in one house went crazy over my dustbin while in the other house, they don't seem to care what's inside there.

I can absolutely relate. One night I was feeling especially lazy and so, to avoid any clean-up altogether, I finished into my bathroom sink and washed it down. No problem, right?

I'd had some ant issues a few weeks before, but I thought I'd killed them all. But nope, apparently not. When I woke up the next morning there was a trail of ants going along the counter and right down my drain. I was equal parts impressed and kinda grossed out.

Hey OP. I am not a doctor, but if you have not had a check-up in a while go get one.

Someone pointed out that Cum doesn't cause ants. And though that might be a dubious claim Cum can become higher in sugar content if all the tubes aren't up to snuff (like diabetes) so, you know, stay safe, and don't leave cum socks laying sround.

Clicked on this > saw username > stopped reading. I can't handle these fucking cumbucket stories anymore. USE A TISSUE, IN THE PRIVACY OF YOUR OWN HOMES, AND DISPOSE OF IT IMMEDIATELY. It's just really not that hard 😭

Dude, in college I was just about to move out of a place. Almost everything was packed, but there was a sock. I went about my business one day, thought nothing of it, tossed it aside.
The next day, I do the same thing.
In my moment of ecstasy, I decide to cum inside the sock. I put my junk in it to let the fireworks begin. As they do, I feel a tingling sensation.
In a stupor I look at myself and see hundreds upon hundreds of ants pouring down my dick and onto my stomach. And this is mid cum, there's no stopping anything.
Those were a long couple of seconds. Horrifying.

You didn't want that sock anymore anyway. The texture of the fabric will never be right again.

Source: I lived on a submarine and a sock was common practice for this. Even after washing you could tell from the stiffness and roughness that it was one of those socks. Eventually I just kept them separate.

I was talking about this with my GF last night. I don't understand jerking into a sock. I've never done it once nor have I ever felt the urge to. I just don't get it? Why? Why not just jizz into some kleenex or something and then flush it away?

Oh fuck, this reminded me of something from my adolescence that I had not thought of in decades... I must have been 12 or 13 years-old, my pituitary gland was in full flight --filling my head with nothing but horny thoughts-- and I was wanking it like a meth'd-up chimp.

Every night, I'd go into the bathroom that was located across the hall from my childhood bedroom, grab a handful of tissues, and then take them back into my room to defile. Afterwards, I would cup that mess surreptitiously in my sweaty hand and sneak back across the hallway to flush them down the toilet. This routine lasted until the night when I opened my bedroom door to find my sweet mom about to knock, my face instantly flashed red, and I slammed the door back shut. Needless to say, this precipitated avoiding a conversation I so did NOT want to have.

After that, I decided I needed a new "routine."

That was when I remembered that, for the previous half-dozen Christmases, my grandparents (who apparently believed it was still the 1930's and that I spent every day wearing suits) had given me a box of colorful, monogrammed handkerchiefs. And, year-after-year, I'd simply stacked them up on a shelf in my closet. But now, you guessed it, I began blasting them with boy goo and then tossing them under the bed before I turned off the light and collapsed into wrecked, happy sleep.

So, flash forward a several weeks later... I'm about to prepare for the evening's launch, go to the closet, only to find that I have, indeed, cranked mess into every last handkerchief. I then had the remarkable experience of getting on the floor, looking under my bed, and realizing (horrifyingly, for the first time) that there were six-dozen jizz-hardened balls of silky nastiness waiting to be dealt with.

This created a major problem because my mother, no dummy, had always forbade my idiot-ass from touching the washing machine. So, the next afternoon, after school --and knowing that I'd have about three hours before my mom got home from work-- I launched "Operation Figure-Out-How-To-Wash-Those-Desperately-Sad-Handkerchiefs-Without-Flooding-The-House"... Let me tell you, my head was full of visions (no doubt compiled from years of watching hacky 70's-era sitcoms) of the entire house being flooded with suds because I'd used too much detergent. To say that I took care when reading the instructions on the side of the Tide bottle would be an understatement.

I'm now in my 50's and my life has known a great many highs, lows, accomplishments, embarrassments... But, no matter what may come, I will never experience a prouder moment than when I hauled that laundry basket of washed/dried/redeemed hankies back to my room, knowing that I'd saved myself from a mortifying revelation.

Of course, I immediately began hammering away at them that very same night...

I hate to tell you this but not only do ants love cum. Cockroaches too. Once when my bf threw a used condom (without knotting it first), we didn’t think anything of it. Until a few hours later I went to throw a piece of trash and saw that a cockroach had made its way into the condom....... GROSSSSSSSSSSS

Better check your sugar level... Ants love sugar too. My diabetic uncle found out he had diabetes from ants while working in Vietnam. They would swarm his toilet bowl all the time and his house keeper told him ants love sweet piss. Maybe sweet cum as well.

Based on the title I assumed it would be a situation I dealt with once. Boyfriends roommate masturbated into a sock. Forgot about it. Later called us into his room to show us something. I stepped on the sock.

when i was a kid like 9 or 10 i masturbated into my shoes and then forgot about it. my room and shoes stunk for awhile. i had just got new shoes that i hadn't worn yet so i didn't use the cum shoes after that, i put them under my bed when i had finished so they just sat there for weeks.

something similar happened to me! I did the deed and forgot to wipe up and the next day my bathroom had over 1000 ants in it, all huddled around one spot. I hope my family didn’t realize what they had found

Lol, since cum stories are so often posted lately I might have to ask my hubby if I can share a cum related fuck up that includes the movie American Pie, a real pie and me being a stupid idiot who didn't do the one thing I was supposed to do....

How interesting, I didn’t know there was a law that says you aren’t supposed to masturbate a certain way after you reach a certain age. Did I say this was the only way? And as far as whether it’s comfortable or not, different strokes for different folks jackass.

Ants. I can't explain it honestly, but ever since I was little I've had this fascination with them. Ants really get my motor running. The thought of thousands of them crawling all over my body and my dick just biting the shit out of me gives me a goddamn head rush. Sometimes I like to imagine a world where I can walk outside and just fuck an anthill and all the little ants start to freak out and attack my invading member, but it's already too late, I'm on all fours and just going at it. Raping their home into a pile of rubble and then drowning their queen in my thick semen.