Learning Something From the Men

So there’s this blog going viral that everyone is up in arms about, rightfully so I should add. Typically, I wouldn’t want to give a negative and hurtful article any attention, but this one has bothered me, and what’s bothering me, no one else seems to be discussing. The article in on thoughtcatalog.com and it’s called I Look Down on Young Women With Husbands and Kids and I’m Not Sorry.

To be honest, I thought this was going to be a humorous post, maybe even satirical, but it comes off mean, a little ignorant and very arrogant. The most shocking of lines are..

You will never have the time, energy, freedom or mobility to be exceptional if you have a husband and kids.

The rest of the post is basically saying that having kids and getting married is super easy, and we should stop acting like it’s worth anything. Before, I get into what bothers me most about this post, I’ll give my opinion on the piece in general.

It sounds like a young girl who is unhappy with her own life. Those who shame other people’s “accomplishments” and “happiness” are clearly unhappy with themselves. It’s wonderful that this woman can choose to not be married, not have kids and live a life with a fulfilling career, but what she fails to recognize is that not everyone finds happiness in their job. We do not all feel accomplished because we got a promotion, the same way we do not all feel accomplished after bathing and feeding 3 kids. Everyone defines success and happiness differently, and that is okay. It’s not fair to assume that your way is the right way.

I have traveled the world, got multiple degrees, worked great jobs, been promoted, received tenure, yada yada yada and, uh…didn’t feel “fulfilled”. I felt great, yes, proud even, but it was not what filled my cup.

She may also want to consider the fact that most career “accomplished” women were raised by dedicated mothers, who are often married. Let’s not even get started on the fact that countless women are happy and successful at being married, raising kids and working. My pediatrician actually has 5 kids and opened up her own practice 15 years ago. Or, what about people who choose not to have kids or fancy-paying jobs? What about the people who love life living like a vagabond and just enjoy life itself? This is why I think this must be a young author with little life experiences. She doesn’t quite grasp the vast variety of values and lifestyles in our world.

Okay, but now what really bothers me is this line…

I hear women talk about how “hard” it is to raise kids and manage a household all the time. I never hear men talk about this…Men don’t care to “manage a household.” They aren’t conditioned to think stupid things like that are “important.”

If men never speak of this, it is because they do not do the housework, aren’t married or do not have children. There are many men who are stay-at-home-fathers who actually blog about these exact things every day. This got me thinking though… one thing men do not do or talk about is how much other men suck. There are no “daddy wars” happening today, only “mommy wars”.

I am so sick of all the Mom vs. Mom, breastfeeding vs. formula, stay-at-home vs. working, kids vs. no kids, vegan/gluten-free/dairy free/soy free/gmo free vs. whatever-the-hell-my-kids-want-to-eat Mom fights going on everyday. What are we doing to each other? Why? Why are we so obsessed with wanting every other Mom or woman to live, think and behave just as we do? Are we so afraid that what we are doing is wrong we must prove that every other women is actually doing it wrong? Does that make us right?

Of course not. We have to accept the fact that mothering, like teaching, or like living, does not have a “right-way”. There are many different paths and styles that lead to success. We must not all be alike to be successful. So, today, and perhaps today only, we take note of what the men are doing and stop bashing other women. The happier we are for each other, the more love and support we show one another the better off we will all be in the end.

Cheers!

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6 Replies to “Learning Something From the Men”

I love this. Especially the part about mommy wars pertaining to kids diets. I tell you what….we were so desperate for coop to eat I tried EVERYTHING both healthy and not because I just needed him to eat SOMETHING. Being a preemie and trying to “catch up” is hard when they eat virtually nothing other than fruit puffs. My go to is pizza….if he won’t eat anything else, he’ll always eat pizza!! I dare someone to tell me how horrible it is….and say it to my face, not hiding behind a screen name. Because what he also now eats are peas, apples, peanut butter, whole wheat pasta, apples, bananas, grapes, etc. His appetite and taste buds vary day to day. I wish people would mind their own business and let “to each their own” describe life a little more. Sorry to rant but I was just thinking about this. Especially with this new “clean eating” fad going on. Its a fad…its hard work and people are too lazy to keep it up….aside from the handful that actually will. I’ve been “clean-ish” eating most of my life, its called common sense. Ugh. Mommy wars suck, the end. Sorry…rant over.

Thank you for sharing that Rachel! I think many many people out there (myself included) often forget about situations like this. Everyone is too quick to judge. We must remember that most parents are doing the best they can to raise the kids they love so much. I know you are an awesome Mom and your little man is so lucky to have you.

As an older mom (my son is 25) I love diversity. The world would be a boring place if we were all the same. I totally understand the comment above as my niece has a 4 year old who doesn’t eat much and is so thin and just needs calories. So if he is eating a donut – yea! Moms really need to stop criticizing each other and support each other. Nursing is great, but it doesn’t work for everyone and so support that mom’s decision rather then making her feel guilty (which she probably already does).Thanks for the insight. Great blog.

Ah the “men are not worried about silly things like managing a household”…I’ll tell you most “successful men” are not worried about managing a household because they either have a significant other who does it for them, or they don’t manage it…I haven’t dated in a while, but I can tell you in my dating days I remember being soooo grossed out by the disgusting mess that otherwise great guys lived in….oh and I am pretty sure CEO’s do their laundry, haven’t seen too many value village smelly shirts at high powered meetings…Miss whatever her name is sounds like she still lives at her parents house and might have a bit of growing up to do (not that there is anything wrong with that….but it makes it easier to travel and focus on career or school and not worry about the extra expenses of eating out rather then cooking or dong your own laundry), before she publically slams people who pay the bills and somehow still manage to “care about maintaining a household”.