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Monday, November 28, 2011

Katie's Story--Part 2

Chapter 2 – Now what?

Drew’s mom hated me. She always had, and as far as I was concerned, she was not going to love me anytime soon. I had corrupted her son.How was I supposed to tell this woman that her first grandkid was going to live with another family? I had read about people trying to let their baby be adopted and the birth father’s mother wouldn’t let it happen.

What if that happened to me? I couldn’t take care of this baby.

I thought back to early December and the Christmas card my mom had gotten in the mail. The brown card with the photo of the girl in the wedding dress on the front. Hadn’t that card said something about a couple looking to adopt? Was it the newly married couple? I couldn’t really remember. Back then, I didn’t actually think I would need that card. Now, I didn’t even know where it was. Maybe it was already thrown out. Why would my mom think to keep that card?

That’s what I was thinking about as my twelfth week rolled around. You have to see your doctor before thirteen weeks and I hadn’t made an appointment. I hadn’t even told my parents yet. I just kept hoping that this problem might disappear somehow. Like it hadn’t really happened to me. How could I be having a baby? I was only 16. Drew wasn’t even an adult yet.

I walked upstairs to my mom and dad’s room late one night and sat down on the edge of their bed. My mom was watching TV and my dad was putting my siblings to bed. For weeks now I had been trying to tell my mom what was going on but it had just never seemed like the right time. And this is what I learned:

It’s never the right time to break your mom’s heart.

She was sad, but for the most part normal. I hadn’t expected that. I thought she would cry, but she didn’t. Not in front of me, anyway. I told my dad and it was about the same reaction. I was shocked. I told them about the brown holiday card. Those were the people I wanted to give this baby to. It had to be them.

People wonder how I just knew that Rachel and Ryan were the right couple for me when I couldn’t even remember their names. It wasn’t even their card-it was Ryan’s mom’s! But God works in mysterious ways, and you don’t fight what you feel in your heart.

The truth is, every couple out there trying to adopt is the right couple. They are all great people and are so ready to start their forever families. I knew that if I went searching further for the “right” family to take care of my little baby, they would all be right. Somehow, I just knew that Ryan and Rachel were who I wanted, so it wasn’t worth my time to try and compare them to someone else.

You can’t do better than perfection.

Chapter 3 – The Second Trimester

It was after school and I was around 16 weeks.I still hadn’t called Rachel, and I was so nervous. How do you call someone up and say, “I’m pregnant and I want you to have my little baby”?

Well, that is exactly what I did.

I’m sure Rachel’s heart practically stopped and I’m very glad she didn’t get into a car wreck (considering the fact that she was driving when she found out this life changing news). We talked for over an hour about me and my plans and who I was exactly. Then we hung up and I called Drew. I had told him I knew who this baby was going to, and he thought whatever I wanted would be the best thing. I just wanted him to know I had told our couple the good news. He didn’t answer so I left a voicemail.

Later that week, Drew and I had a meeting at LDS Family Services to talk more about the adoption. I drove to his house to pick him up and waited for him to come outside. I waited. And waited. And waited. After many angry and threatening texts Drew came outside. He had been crying. He had just told his mom for the first time. I felt like the most heartless person in the world for being so mean to him for not being on time.

After our meeting, we went back to Drew’s house where his whole extended family was waiting for us. And when I say the whole family, I mean the whole family. This was extremely awkward for me. Drew’s mom said she was sorry for hating me, and that it was different now. Not exactly how I wanted her to start loving me, but hey, beggars can’t be choosers. Since that day, Drew’s family has basically been my family. I love them as much as I do my own flesh and blood.

The rest of this part of the story goes something like this:

Drew turns into a jerk. He acts like a typical teenage father and almost disappears off the face of the earth. His friends are more important than the girl carrying his baby. I get fatter, but not cute baby bump fatter. Just thicker, and one-too-many-cream-filled-doughnuts fatter. My friends stop calling me to come over, and I sit at home watching sad movies and sleeping. School sucks. People start wondering and I could care less. Let them talk.

That pretty much sums up my crappy junior year.

Chapter 4 – Those Summer Nights

I was a whale, an extremely fair colored whale. My best friend tried to make me go outside and get a tan with her, but carrying around an extra life makes you hot already. I didn’t need the sun to heat me up even more.

Drew was gone. He had a life beyond me and was out partying with his friends all the time, on vacations and having fun while I sat in my boring old town because I wasn’t allowed to go on vacations. Dang doctor’s orders…

The only real thing I had to look forward to was Rachel coming to stay with me while my family went to Washington (which happened to be the week Noah was born). Ryan and Rachel had always gone out of their way to make the pregnancy special for me and to remind me they were thinking about me. I received many care packages in the mail filled with anything they thought might brighten my day. That really helped and cheered me up when I would get a surprise package in the mail after a bad day at school or work. When Rachel came to stay with me, Drew wasn’t really a huge part of my life. I wanted him to be, but he was dealing with this the only way he knew how: By pretending it wasn’t happening. I wish I could hate him for that, but I can’t help understanding what he was going through.

Rachel and I hung out almost every day that week: going to dinners, watching movies, even baking cakes for Ryan’s early birthday. Towards the end of the week though, I started to spend more and more time by myself. I was really irritable and just wanted my pregnancy to be over. I wanted to see what my little boy looked like already.

I tried all the ways in the book to make Noah come, and on Saturday, July 30th at midnight my water broke.

Wow - you really left us with a cliff hanger. I love reading your side of the story Katie - I can't wait for the next installment.Thanks for being so open - this is a really helpful read for other people, not only for other birth-mothers and adoptive parents, but also to help educate people who have no experience with adoption.

As I usually do when I read Rachel & Ryan's blog, I am crying after reading that.

Katie, you are brave and wonderful. You have such a mature perspective. And as a high school English teacher, I want to tell you that you are an excellent writer. You and Rachel are kindred in that way :)

Looking forward to reading more. You should find somewhere to publish this.

As I usually do when I read Rachel & Ryan's blog, I am crying after reading that.

Katie, you are brave and wonderful. You have such a mature perspective. And as a high school English teacher, I want to tell you that you are an excellent writer. You and Rachel are kindred in that way :)

Looking forward to reading more. You should find somewhere to publish this.

The humor that is woven into this story is so poignant. I can't help thinking after this post, "We are all human. No matter what we're going through, we can relate to each other." I can relate to you, Katie!

We all saw the pictures. You were definitely cute baby bump fat, not whale-like. The whale-like girls never really get back to normal, and you were as skinny as ever in no time flat. It's amazing how quickly a teenage body can bounce back!

I am impressed that you are so forgiving and understanding of Drew's behavior. I can tell you that if it were me I wouldn't have been that way, either as a teenager or as an adult. He is lucky to have you.

THE LITTLE GAL

Lover of squishes from Mama, snuggles from Daddy, and tickles from Brother

Who feels content and smiley first thing in the morning

Who needs shoes that will actually stay on her kicking, wiggly feet

Who gives mega-watt grins that melt the heart

Who fears the raucous (but affectionate) smothering of her older brother

Who would like to see her aunties and grandparents more often

Resident of a comfy one-story home where she is the queen

THE LITTLE GUY

Lover of the Polar Express, all things sugar, and his "Baby Sister"

Who feels ecstatic when "chuffing" one of his beloved trains around the house

Who needsexplanations for everything, big and small

Who gives strangers a reason to smile with his friendly chatter

Who fears"spooky" shadows, scary scenes in movies, and toilets that flush by themselves

Who would like to see a friend come over to play every single day

Resident of a house covered in photos of him and his sister

RACH

Lover of conversationswith a kindred, homemade chocolate chip cookies, and Idaho sunsetsWho feels overwhelmingly happy when nibbling on one of her delicious childrenWho needs daily quiet time to thinkWho fears losing someone else whom she loves

Who givescare packages to her friends and love letters to her kids and RyanWho would like to see more openness, compassion, and individuality in the worldResident of a little house with cute daisy bushes in front

RY

Lover of ice cream, the night sky, and dance parties with his happy kidsWho feels glorious at the peak of an Idaho mountainWho needs alone time to just look at the ceiling when he gets home from workWho gives froyo gift certificates and sugar-free suckers to his dental patientsWho fears talking on the phone and settling for less than his potentialWho would like to see family cartrips in a minivan to explore the WestResident of Twin Falls, ID

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