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An old farmer is having trouble getting his bull to breed with the cows and was lamenting the fact to a few of his friends down at the local beer hall.
One of them said, “Ya know, Ben, I used to have the same trouble with my bull, but I got it fixed really quick.”
“How did you get it fixed?” asked Ben.
“Well I just dipped my finger in the cow’s vagina and rubbed it all over the bull’s nose and he got right after her.”
Ben went home to the farm and decided to try it. He grabbed a cow, dipped his fingers in the cow’s vagina and rubbed it all around the bull’s nose.
The bull got a rip roaring boner and immediately jumped on the cow.
Ben was impressed. That night, he got into bed with his wife and can’t get the effect on the bull out of his mind. As she lay sleeping, Ben dips his fingers into his wife’s vagina and feeling that it was nice and wet, rubbed it all around his nose and got a rip roaring hard on.
He quickly shook his wife awake and cried out, “Honey, look!”
She rolled over, turned on the light and said, “You mean you woke me up in the middle of the night just to show me that you have a nosebleed?”

It was the ambulance-chasing lawyer’s lucky day: there was an accident in the street, a few cars ahead of his, but the crowd was so dense he couldn’t get through. Being a clever little lawyer, he shouted, “Let me through! Let me through! I’m the victim’s son!” The crowd parted and there, lying in front of the car, was a donkey.

When the doctor completed his examination, he said, “I can’t find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it’s due to drinking.” His patient replied, “In that case, I’m gonna come back when you’re sober!”

An attractive woman of a certain age lusted after the well-built teenage bag boy at the local supermarket. As he carried her groceries to her car, she quietly said to him, “Young man, I have an itchy pussy.” He replied, “You’ll have to point it out to me lady. All the new Japanese cars look alike to me!”

A really dumb crook got even dumber as the day wore on. Thinking he could get a few extra bucks at the ATM, our crook walked up to a customer at the ATM in front of the bank. As the customer got his money from the machine, our brilliant thief demanded that the money be handed over to him. Instead of giving him the money, the customer bolted away from the machine and ran into the bank to report the crime.
The thief panicked and ran out into the parking lot and spotted a man sitting in his car in the parking lot. “Give me all your money the thief growled.” “I only have ten dollars” said the frightened man who had yet to go into the bank. The thief emptied the man’s wallet of two five dollar bills and raced out of the parking lot, knowing that surely by now the police had been notified.
He ran out into the street and flagged down a passing car. As the car came to a stop, the driver opened his window and our thief held out one of the five dollar bills telling the driver that he would give him the five dollars if he would give him a ride. The driver grabbed the money from his hands and sped away, leaving the thief standing in the middle of the street.
Finally he saw his one last hope. He spotted a city bus pull up to a nearby bus stop. He jumped on the bus convinced the he had finally put his problems behind him. Unfortunately, his antics were spotted by several bank customers and employees who kept the police informed as to his whereabouts. It didn’t take the police very long to find the bus and give our hapless crook one last ride – to jail.

A woman has been jailed in Italy for wandering around an old castle at night making ghost noises. The 42-year- old Polish woman was caught after the owner of the castle-cum-hotel, near the town of Meran in South Tyrol, complained to police. The owners said squeaking floor boards, slammed doors and footsteps had been scaring off guests for weeks. But the ‘ghost’ turned out to be ‘the wife of an employee at the castle who was annoyed at the way the owners were treating her husband. High-tech video equipment captured the woman walking up and down the corridors. A judge in the north Italian province has sentenced her to four months in jail for harassment.

A “not-so-smart” Ohio man is lucky to be alive after a dangerous “idea” went bad.
Stanley Whimper decided the easiest solution to starting his car on a cold Monday morning would be to run warm gasoline through his car by heating it up on his stove first.
He found out that “just a cup full” of fuel can explode and cause major damage to his kitchen and him suffer second and third degree burns.
Mr. Whimper later admitted his “warm the fuel idea” came from a cartoon he viewed on television that ended in a better result.

A Romanian family who believed they buried their daughter two years ago were shocked when she came home to vote. The family from Pildesti, Neamt county, addressed local police when their 22-year-old daughter didn’t return home in July 2003. After a few days of investigation police found a dead body on a river bank and identified her as the missing girl. Even her father, brother and some neighbours confirmed it was her and they had nothing else to do than take care of her funeral.
One of the relatives told Ziarul daily: “The deceased girl looked very much the same like the missing one: same height, same brown hair, even the haircut was the same and she wore similar clothes. We thought we buried our relative”. But after almost two years from the funeral the dead girl came back home by taxi. She told her family she went to visit a friend in a remote town and found a job there. She said she decided to return because she wanted to cast her vote in a poll regarding the revision of the Constitution. Because she is officially dead the now 24-year- old girl has to wait for a court decision which will confirm she is alive while police are trying to find the real identity of the dead woman.