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Monday, 15 December 2014

Disasterjunkie jargonbuster bovine excrement detectors

Hello readers!Are you tired of the endless round of boring meetings that are positively overflowing with bovine excrement? (I'm thinking cluster coordination meetings, strategic planning sessions, task forces, working groups, briefings for people who have no idea what humanitarian aid is or how to do it properly or just same old, same old weekly team meetings...).Are you facing some difficulty in distinguishing between useful facts and abstract concepts or cliches that frankly have no real substance or meaning or ounce of practical application? Well, have no fear! Help is at hand. The mighty disasterjunkie jargonbuster will come to your rescue!Some handy tools have been recently developed, without the aid of any IASC or UN led task force. You might feel inclined to try out any of these little beauties to help you:The automatic bovine excrement meter

Small enough and discrete enough to put in your back pack or man bag, this handy little bovine excrement meter homes in on the whiffiest of deceptive ramblings. On detection it will sound an alarm, which will get louder and louder the nearer you are to the source, providing you with an audible excuse for a sharp exit . Think of it as your very own 'patnav'.

Disasterjunkie jargonbuster bovine excrement bingo card #1

In addition why not arm yourself with this bingo card? It's portable and colour coordinated to blend in to UN situations, if necessary. Not a 'legs eleven' or 'two fat ladies' in sight (on the card itself that is...but who knows who will be sitting next to you in your meeting?...). However, it might indeed be 'unlucky for some' if these terms crop up during proceedings and you end up crossing them off the card in quick succession and you shout "full house", ...try "transitional shelter" instead (it might be safer).

The bovine excrement reveal-and-neutralise spray

Next time you fill in a requisition form, why not add this item to your emergency relief kit list? Remember that old adage "If it smells like BS and looks like BS (you can now add if it sounds like BS)...then its probably BS"? Well, so that you can be totally sure, one squib of this spray will give you the definitive answer as it instantly reveals the truth and it will then neutralise the troublesome terminology so you can happily get on with your day completely bovine excrement free!

I'd like to hear from you so feel free to comment below or on the Blondebombshell in Crises Facebook page here or Twitter here.

For now, thanks for reading and if you liked this, pass it on....Peace, love and light,Bravo, Bravo, Charlie out. xxx