A WRITER'S GUIDE TO "THE WILD WILD WEST

Or: Everything You Need to Know About Jim and Artie*

[*not including either reunion movie or any of the Artie-less episodes]

{Editor's Note: In the interests of brevity, "The Night of the" has been dropped from all the episode titles.}

The latter half of the 19th century, between the end of the Civil War and the turn of the century, is generally known as the Victorian Era. In the early 1870's ("Lord of Limbo," "Tartar"), the height of the so-called "Wild West," James West, the United States' "finest underground intelligence operator" ("Inferno") and his "equally troublesome colleague," Artemus Gordon ("Eccentrics"), became "the dandiest dude[s] that ever crossed the Mississippi in [their] own private train car" ("Inferno").

As special agents for Grant's Secret Service, taking their orders directly from the president ("Terror Stalked the Town"), Jim and Artie take on an impressive array of megalomaniacs, would-be dictators and dastardly villains, and vanquish them all with a combination of cunning, athleticism, and undying good humor. Thaddeus Bains, the special presidential envoy in "Burning Diamond," calls West and Gordon "the unconquerable duo." This would appear to be an apt assessment: it seems there's nothing the two of them cannot overcome. The beauty of their partnership is the way it merges two very different men and their respective talents into an unbeatable team.

Arguably, James West's greatest attribute is his talent for taking on anywhere from one to a dozen men, singly or simultaneously, to ultimately emerge victorious and only a little breathless. Count Manzeppi rightfully warns his henchmen in "Feathered Fury" that James is "apt to prove unpleasantly athletic," which effectively covers the vast extent of his acrobatic and energetic repertoire. However, don't make the mistake many of his opponents do (to their everlasting regret), of assuming West is all brawn and no brains. He demonstrates not only the marks of a fine education, but an active and agile mind.

Artemus Gordon, with his acting ability, scientific curiosity, and quick intelligence, perfectly complements West's more muscular approach. Although he is not as athletic as Jim, he has his own ways of getting out of trouble, and shows no dearth of courage or strength. He is capable of holding his own in a fight, but prefers to use "guile, cunning, [and] trickery" to overcome his opponents ("Arrow"). His quick thinking and persuasive talents get himself and Jim out of many a narrow scrape.

PERSONAL HISTORY

Little personal history is available for either man.

Jim's birthdate was given as July 2, 1842 in "Terror Stalked the Town," which puts him in his late 20's or early 30's. He has brown hair and light eyes, which might be blue, or green, or gray, or all three. He's about 5 feet 8 inches tall, and weighs 185 pounds, according to the scale in "Avaricious Actuary." We know, from Loveless' research in "Terror Stalked the Town," that Jim was named after his Uncle James, and that he broke his left arm at the wrist in a sledding accident when he was ten. In "Deadly Bubble," he claims to be "a poor but proud country boy who came to the city to make his fortune," but this is almost certainly a joke. However, he's most likely not a member of a wealthy or aristocratic family, as he was never "discovered" on the social scene of debutante balls and high society events ("Vicious Valentine").

Jim fought in the Civil War on the side of the Union (at the tender age of 19, if he joined up when the war started), and was General Grant's aide de camp by the Battle of Vicksburg in 1863 ("Lord of Limbo"). He apparently reached the rank of captain sometime during the war ("Double-Edged Knife"). Jim must have had some form of higher education, as he goes to visit his "old professor" in "Druid's Blood" (which university or school is unclear). In "Inferno," he describes himself as a "trained cavalry officer with ten years of top experience," though he may be exaggerating to get himself hired on. It's hard to imagine how he could have had time for ten years in the cavalry and a formal education and still managed to build the impressive reputation with the Secret Service that he enjoys.

Even less information is available about Artemus. He's probably about ten years older than Jim, and measures around 5 feet 11 inches. He can't weigh more than 200 pounds, or his famous "chemical leeches" wouldn't be able to support his weight ("Glowing Corpse"). His hair and eyes are both brown. He's an only child ("Skulls"). The only relative he ever mentions is his Great Aunt Maude, who may or may not have ever existed (Artie becomes certain that he's talking to a doppelganger in "Terror Stalked the Town" when the fake Jim asks after Aunt Maude's health, proving that either she never existed in the first place, or had already passed away). He claims to have fallen off a porch glider when he was a boy; given the context of the conversation, he apparently fell on his head, though he may be making the whole thing up ("Undead"). Like Jim, Artie fought in the Civil War; although there's no clear evidence as to which side he found himself on, it seems most likely he sided with the North. In "Lord of Limbo," he guesses that the time-traveling Colonel Vautrain plans to change the outcome of the war, saying that this time "your side is going to win," which suggests he was not a Confederate. The bugler from his old regiment greets him as "Captain Gordon," which may either refer to his rank during the war, or the one he holds as a Secret Service agent ("Pistoleros").

Artemus was at one time an actor. In "Casual Killer," Jim asks him if he's ever considered returning to the stage and, later in that episode, Artie tells an actress that his name is "sheer magic in Chicago theatrical circles," so we may assume that he was fairly successful and at least moderately well known. His idiomatic use of nautical terms in "Deadly Blossom" and

"Bubbling Death" may hint at a brief period spent at sea. If the breadth of his knowledge and talents is any indication, it's very likely Artemus spent some time at a variety of occupations -- the proverbial jack of all trades. There's no clear indication of a formal higher education, but if Artie is self-taught, then he apparently didn't leave anything out. He must have attended some sort of school in his teens, because he took Lily Fortune to the "senior prom" ("Big Blast" -- Note: this reference is completely anachronistic; schools were not co-educational at the time and "proms," as such, did not come into existence until the 1890's). Artie's family background is also highly obscure -- he's equally good at disguising himself as a peasant or a prince, his acting skills making it impossible to tell which social role better suits him. Of a certainty, the role which suits him best is that of Jim West's partner, in which he achieves distinction as "one of our finest" agents ("Big Blast").

MILITARY ARTS

Both Jim and Artie can ride well, and drive everything from a one horse cart to a stagecoach's team of four, though Jim seems more comfortable with horses and on several instances demonstrates his ability to rein in runaway horses ("Sedgewick Curse," "Fatal Trap"). Jim's own horse is trained to discourage unwanted riders and come at a whistle ("Iron Fist").

They're both excellent shots with pistol and rifle, capable of hitting moving targets ("Cut-Throats"), and firing accurately from a moving platform ("Casual Killer"), quite a feat given the generally poor accuracy of firearms at the time. Jim tells President Grant that Artie is "an excellent marksman with small targets" ("Colonel's Ghost"), but West himself is probably slightly better. Artie demonstrates his unshakable faith in Jim's marksmanship in "Red-Eyed Madmen," when he trusts Jim to hit the axe blade Artie holds before his face so squarely the bullet is sheered in half and passes harmlessly on either side of his head, almost certainly an impossible shot. Both Jim and Artie occasionally fight two-fisted (a gun in each hand); it's not clear how good a shot Artemus is with the left hand, but Jim's aim seems equal either way (in "Human Trigger," he outdraws and guns down two quick shots simultaneously in exactly opposite directions). There is no doubt that Jim is the faster gun -- Dr. Loveless claims that "only a fool would try to match reflex and aim with Mr. West" ("Bogus Bandits"), a fact Jim more than proves when he outguns Lightnin' McCoy, "the fastest gun the west has ever known" ("Surreal McCoy"). Given his obvious skill, we'll forgive Jim the small flourish of occasionally spinning his gun in true "gunslinger" fashion ("Colonel's Ghost," "Death Masks" and others).

Both men are excellent with knives, both fighting and throwing. In "Watery Death," Jim accurately hits an activation switch with a thrown knife (in "Man-Eating House," he even manages to hit a clock between the hands as it strikes the hour -- however, as this is in Artie's dream, we probably can't count it). Artemus goes him one better, throwing a heavy hunting knife clear across a saloon to accurately "point out" a location on a map-covered wall in "Firebrand." They both know how to fence. Artie takes on and vanquishes three swordsmen in "Big Blast," and when Jim and Artie square off in "Lord of Limbo," Jim more than holds his own (especially considering he's fighting entirely defensively against a skilled opponent). Unless they both learned to fence in the Secret Service, this talent might hint at an upper class upbringing for both West and Gordon -- fencing is not a poor man's sport, and wouldn't have been taught in the army. In addition, Jim shows proficiency with a samurai sword and is adjudged skilled by a master swordsman ("Samurai"), and Artemus is shown sparring with a straight sword (with Jim, who is fighting barehanded except for a white metal brace on the right forearm) in "Golden Cobra."

When it comes to hand to hand combat, Jim far outstrips Artemus. West is an excellent boxer, having "spent some time in the ring" ("Arrow"), and clearly hasn't lost any of his talent, as he quickly takes down Pierce, the "leading heavyweight contender" in "Tottering Tontine." He also uses various forms of martial arts when it suits him, specializing in high kicks and jumps. It is this combination, in addition to the ability to take an inordinate amount of punish-ment without faltering, which allows him to take on large numbers of opponents with every likelihood of winning. Artie can hold his own against one or two opponents, but tends to go down under the weight of numbers. He and Jim often spar on the train, mock combats in which Jim takes the role of teacher ("Green Terror," "Golden Cobra").

Jim is an accurate shot with a bow and arrow ("Human Trigger," "Green Terror") and, perhaps due to his athleticism, quick to pick up the use of weapons he's "never even seen" before, like the mace ("Green Terror"). Artie shows proficiency with the quarterstaff (or any acceptable substitute) in both "Skulls" and "Samurai." Both agents follow Jim's 'second lesson' -- "short of weapons: improvise" ("Golden Cobra") with everything from chairs, ropes and pottery to turkey legs and cake.

MEDICAL HISTORY

It's hardly surprising, given their highly active and often violent occupation, that Jim and Artie have taken their fair share of hard knocks.

Artemus is shot in the left shoulder in both "Inferno" and "Wolf," and Jim's bullet creases the outside of Artie's left thigh in "Death Masks." He sprains his left ankle in "Eccentrics," breaks the left leg in "Juggernaut," and hurts his right elbow in "Tottering Tontine," which is, if nothing else, at least a change of pace. An ape's embrace bruises his ribs in "Simian Terror." When the "Steel Assassin" thrusts a pin into Artie's right shoulder to the bone to test the depth of his hypnotic trance, he doesn't even flinch, despite not being hypnotized, demonstrating amazing will power. On the lighter side, he suffers from hay fever ("Hangman"), gets a cold from diving into the ocean after an escaping villainess ("Watery Death"), and has his skin dyed green for three days in "Flying Pie Plate." Twice, he absorbs large amounts of electricity ("Druid's Blood" and "Bogus Bandits"). In the course of 95 episodes, Artie is knocked unconscious 41 times: 29 times by blows to the head, 12 by drugs or other methods.

Jim's luck is, if anything, worse. Bullets graze his right shoulder ("Jack O'Diamonds") and right calf ("Death Masks") and one's glancing blow to his head gives him temporary amnesia ("Amnesiac"). He is bitten by a snake in "Golden Cobra," and his left arm is twice bitten by wolves ("Wolf"). He injures his left knee in "Deadly Bed" and his right knee in "Cossacks," which really ought to teach him not to dive through windows. Jim's ribs are bruised in "Sudden Death" by a circus strongman, and he actually admits to Artie that they "sure are sore." He takes 20 lashes across the back at the orders of the commandant of the prison on Devil's Island ("Bottomless Pit") and passes out for a time. Jim's left shoulder is cut by a whip in "Puppeteer" and a lance in "Two-Legged Buffalo." A large powder flash in "Thousand Eyes" temporarily blinds him. He's given paralytic drugs twice ("Dragon Screamed" and "Brain"), and plays guinea pig for Dr. Loveless' LSD-like hallucinogen in "Murderous Spring." All this aside from the legion of bruises he must pick up in his endless fistfights. Under the circumstances, it's hardly surprising that Artemus apparently often "said that West was indestructible" ("Druid's Blood"). In 95 episodes, Jim is knocked unconscious a total of 71 times: 46 by blows to the head and 25 by drugs or other means, including twice by electric shock ("Terror Stalked the Town" and "Burning Diamond"). By all rights, both Jim and Artie are prime candidates for brain damage.

SEDENTARY PURSUITS

Despite Jim's aggressively physical personality, he's no slouch on the intellectual front. He seems to be completely informed on all recent events -- everything from domestic politics to foreign policy to unexplained phenomenon -- which is hardly surprising, given his job. He reads and speaks Spanish, though he seems a little uncomfortable speaking to a native ("Eccentrics"), and clearly understands at least a little French ("Watery Death"). His grasp of history is excellent, and he demonstrates more than a passing knowledge of basic psychology ("Puppeteer" among others).

In "Deadly Blossom," Barclay calls Jim "very literate," a fact he demonstrates on several occasions by quoting Oliver Goldsmith ("Diva"), Lewis Carroll ("Underground Terror"), Shakespeare ("Casual Killer" and "Bogus Bandits" -- "a poor thing, but my own" is actually a very common misquote) and the Bible ("Howling Light"), and alluding to Edgar Allen Poe ("Deadly Blossom") and Dante ("Deadly Bubble"), among others. On the other hand, he reads "Cowboy Thrill Magazine" with visible relish while waiting for a package ("Turncoat"), and tells Artie in "Kraken" that the 'little black book' he's reading is the only book he owns. Jim is by no means a philistine; he has at least some training in the arts, recognizing music by Brahms ("Undead"), paintings by Rembrandt ("Torture Chamber"), and the name of a famous opera singer ("Diva").

In "Torture Chamber," Jim identifies an 11th century Persian vase, and claims picking up odd bits of information is a common side-effect of being a Secret Service agent. Perhaps this explains his smattering of knowledge about such disparate subjects as: orchids ("Glowing Corpse"), obscure deadly chemicals ("Turncoat"), Aztec legends ("Montezuma's Hordes"), Greek and Roman mythology ("Puppeteer"), the burning point of diamonds ("Burning Diamond"), germ theory ("Sudden Plague"), the lifespan of the Galapagos turtle ("Sedgewick Curse"), constellations ("Running Death"), gems ("Flying Pie Plate," "Gypsy Peril"), the legendary Philosopher's Stone ("Feathered Fury"), and the old world practice of vendetta ("Thousand Eyes"). More understandable, given his training as a soldier, is his basic knowledge of medicine -- in "Lord of Limbo," we learn that during the war he applied tourniquets to a badly wounded soldier so well that the man lived despite the amputation of his legs, and in "Amnesiac," he tells Cloris how to tend to his injuries, even while out of his head with fever. Jim's mind and education are both first rate, but it's to his advantage to convince his many opponents that he does his thinking with his fists.

Artemus never tries to hide his obvious intelligence. His creation of nifty gadgets demonstrates a clear understanding of chemistry, physics, biology and anatomy, not to mention a refined mechanical aptitude and a singularly inventive imagination. In addition, he demonstrates at least a moderate understanding of: geology ("Spanish Curse"), mathematics ("Doomsday Formula," "Kraken"), history and medicine. His well-honed ability to second guess people and to persuade them to his bidding indicates a keen grasp of psychology. Clearly, Artie is well-read on medical matters: he recognizes rare blood disorders ("Sedgewick Curse") and obscure Asian diseases ("Plague"), and in practice is able to diagnose a ruptured spleen ("Simian Terror") and a severe concussion ("Fire and Brimstone"), although both conditions are beyond his ability to treat. Artie is also able to estimate the time of death ("Arrow"), and use the bare facts from an autopsy to speculate on the cause of death and of the victim's actions just before dying ("Cadre"). His knowledge of the sciences, coupled with his curiosity, leads him to engage in forensic studies virtually unknown at the time: comparing two spent bullets ("Deadly Bubble"), the ashes of true and counterfeit money ("Circus of Death"), or speculating on the composition of an experimental artillery shell ("Falcon").

Artemus also has a strongly literate background. As an actor, his knowledge of Shakespeare is, of course, excellent. He quotes from Hamlet in "Casual Killer," "Underground Terror," "Ready-Made Corpse" and others; it would seem to be his favorite play. He performs a rousing Falstaff from Henry IV in "Plague." In "Underground Terror," he recognizes intermixed quotes from Hamlet and Julius Caesar, and is able to respond in kind. He also quotes from the U.S. Constitution and the Declaration of Independence ("Hangman") and from the Bible ("Underground Terror"). He reads Byron beautifully in "Firebrand." In "Headless Woman," Jim tells Artie that he gets the job of telegraphing their "long-winded wordy messages" to Washington because he has "such a marvelous command of the English language." In addition to the English language, he also has a remarkable command of several other languages. Artie speaks such fluent Spanish and Russian that he can pass for a native among natives for an extended period of time, though he can't actually read Russian ("Spanish Curse," "Tartar" and "Cossacks," respectively). He also speaks Chinese well enough to mix unnoticed with Chinese immigrants ("Dragon Screamed"). He demonstrates at least a working knowledge of French, German, Italian and Japanese as well ("Burning Diamond," "Whirring Death" and "Samurai"). In "Deadly Blossom," he recognizes the language spoken by an adversary as a Polynesian dialect, but cannot translate it (though Jim clearly expects him to be able to).

Artie's artistic education is extensive -- he knows the real name of the Mona Lisa, and more than enough about art to convince a museum art expert that half of the paintings and sculptures in his collection are forgeries ("Torture Chamber"). In "Surreal McCoy," he not only recognizes a painting by an obscure western American artist, but that the particular example he's viewing is a forgery, and also identifies several other forgeries. His artistic abilities are not limited to appreciation: he can sketch quickly and quite well ("Headless Woman").

Artie's musical talents lie squarely in the arena of performance. When Jim asks Artie if he can play Jeremiah's wooden flute in "Returning Dead," he replies: "It's a musical instrument, isn't it? Of course." His certainty on the subject seems justified. He not only plays that flute, but the violin (superbly -- in "Casual Killer"), the guitar ("Spanish Curse"), an unnamed stringed instrument ("Doomsday Formula"), and the piano ("Cut-Throats," "Grand Emir"). In fact, he plays the piano by touch quite well, capable not only of talking without breaking rhythm, but playing complex pieces with a cigar balanced between the fingers of his left hand ("Cut-Throats"). He also sings, both seriously and in operatic, drunken and off-key parodies ("Doomsday Formula" and "Whirring Death" among others).

PHYSICAL ACCOMPLISHMENTS

In "Turncoat," Calamander goes to a great deal of trouble to force Jim to work for him because of the extraordinary talent Jim possesses for swimming, diving, acrobatics, mountain climbing and shooting. Jim can also break boards with his fists ("Golden Cobra"), use the jugular pressure point to knock people out ("Firebrand"), and move remarkably fast with his feet chained together ("Bottomless Pit"). He cannot play the guitar, but he sings sweetly ("Diva"), dances "very well" ("Puppeteer"), and can whistle tunes ("Fire and Brimstone"). He can crack safes without equipment ("Burning Diamond"), pick pockets ("Gypsy Peril"), and escape from a straitjacket while hanging upside down ("Grand Emir"). He's very flexible: in "Vicious Valentine," he kicks his feet up over his head to where Artie can reach the gadget hidden in his heel, and in "Thousand Eyes," he's able to bring his bound wrists down his back and around in front of him. He's quick and accurate with a lasso ("Cossacks") and not half-bad with a whip ("Circus of Death"). Jim knows how to operate a small printing press ("Fatal Trap"), but Artemus has to show him how a larger one works ("Brain"). Jim and Artie both know how to use a telegraph and can send and receive Morse code, though Artie's the one who generally takes care of that on the train. Jim's handwriting, according to Dr. Loveless, is "devilish difficult" to forge ("Whirring Death"), and Artie's, on the note he leaves Jim in "Juggernaut" is very neat. Jim plays billiards superbly and knows a few simple magic tricks ("Casual Killer"). He can drink six shots of hard liquor without showing any effect but the one he's faking ("Turncoat").

Artemus is well known for his "talented hunches" and "Mona Lisa smile" ("Death Masks," "Feathered Fury" and "Turncoat"). He's got more of the diplomat about him than Jim ("Casual Killer," "Dancing Death"). He's an accomplished mimic, whether the subject is voices, birds or coyotes ("Running Death," "Cossacks" and "Gypsy Peril"). He's a superb ventriloquist ("Sedgewick Curse") and, like Jim, can whistle tunes ("Fire and Brimstone"). He can get himself thrown into and out of jail with equal ease ("Arrow"). He can cook everything from French dishes to Viennese pastry and still whip together tasty grub on the trail ("Spanish Curse," "Infernal Machine" and "Montezuma's Hordes"). He can operate a printing press ("Brain") and knows how to remove the plates from a press printing currency ("Sudden Death"). If his performance in "Cadre" is anything to go by, he'd make a pretty impressive traveling salesman. He can hold his breath for more than two minutes without panicking or thrashing about ("Big Blast"). Although Artemus is apparently immune to hypnotism himself, he knows how to hypnotize other people ("Steel Assassin"). Like Jim, Artemus is an excellent safecracker without need of any tools ("Surreal McCoy"); also like Jim, he's an accomplished billiards player, successfully making a trick shot in "Vipers." They can both pick locks. Artie's better at magic tricks than the circus performer in "Gypsy Peril" and uses sleight of hand often in the course of his duties ("Egyptian Queen"). He can use a hypodermic needle ("Plague") and disarm a bomb in ten seconds flat ("Bars of Hell"). Artie can tap dance ("Poisonous Posey"), twirl a cane with his right hand ("Bottomless Pit"), and throw darts accurately ("Turncoat"). He's superb at creating loud and obnoxious diversions and distractions to cover for Jim. He can also hold his alcohol as well as, if not better than, Jim: in "Undead," he chugs a pint mug of sherry, and in "Firebrand," he drinks large quantities of hard liquor -- in neither instance does he even step out of character.

GUNS AND GADGETS

In "Deadly Bubble," Jim tells Dr. Pringle that she can't possibly shoot him, because the safety is still on her gun. A few minutes earlier, he politely refuses to throw down his gun on the grounds that loaded guns have a tendency to go off when dropped. While the second statement is perfectly true, the first is completely false. Of course, Jim's right: a gun with the safety on cannot be fired; if it has a safety to begin with, that is. Guns in the late 1800's did not have safeties. If they were loaded, they could go off, a fact Jim neatly refers to in the second statement, which was all too true.

Jim carries a .45 caliber gun ("Wolf"), probably a Colt .45 "Peacemaker," the most popular revolver at the time with soldiers, criminals and lawmen alike. This gun is a single-action revolver, which means it must be cocked each time before firing (i.e. in between pulling the trigger). Although the cylinder held six rounds, an intelligent fellow like Jim would probably have never loaded more than five bullets into his gun at a time. Technically, the gun couldn't go off unless it was cocked and the trigger pulled; in actuality, however, uncocked guns not only could, but often did, go off, and at far gentler handling than being dropped. A safety-minded man, who wasn't interested in accidentally shooting himself in the foot, only loaded five bullets into the gun, so he could leave the hammer resting safely on the empty chamber. There is, of course, no evidence in the show for the likelihood of this in Jim's case.

Jim also carries a little derringer either up his sleeve or in an inside pocket of his jacket. Derringers were generally single or double shot weapons -- not useful for a gun battle, but enough to get out of a tight spot. Since Jim generally uses his derringer when firing pitons or other nifty gadgets from his gun, we might speculate that his derringers weren't loaded with live bullets. Logic tells us that sticking any object in the barrel of a gun and firing it is a great way to get your hand blown off. Therefore, the only safe way Jim could fire pitons from his gun would be to load the gun with "blank" charges (i.e. ones with gunpowder, but no slugs) -- the explosion of gases resulting from firing the gun would push anything in the barrel out at speed, just like a bullet (only not as fast). Since we never see him change the rounds in his guns before firing a piton, and since he usually uses the derringer, perhaps this explains why his gun never explodes in his face. However, as there are several occasions where he fires bullets from the derringer, and a few in which he fires pitons from his revolver, there isn't any consistent model to draw from.

Both Jim and Artie wore their revolvers in right-handed gunbelts, with the holster tied down to the leg in a typical "quick-draw" arrangement. They only wore their guns visibly in frontier areas, and never when paying a "social" call to someone's residence. Jim hid one or more derringers in his inner coat pockets, and on at least one occasion Artie had a derringer in his left inside pocket ("Human Trigger"). Jim also kept a derringer on a spring-loaded slide up his right sleeve, although sometimes the sleeve mechanism held a knife or ampule of acid instead. In addition, Jim hid a knife in the toe of his right boot, and one in the back of his collar. A small master key, or lockpick, was hidden behind his right lapel. His belt, once uncoiled, was actually a whip, a coil of wire was hidden in his hat, and any button or cufflink on his person might turn out to be explosive or corrosive. The heels of Jim's boots were hollow and removable, and he carried anything from a breakaway derringer to a variety of explosives in them. As one of the heavies remarks in "Two-Legged Buffalo": "It's a wonder he didn't clank when he walked."

Although Artemus seems to have designed most, if not all, of the gadgets Jim uses, he himself doesn't make a habit of regularly wearing them. He's usually not armed with anything more elaborate than his revolver, though he takes whatever he deems necessary into a given situation and his disguises are often liberally seeded with various hidden gadgets. He specializes in the more elaborate gadgets, especially those designed to spray knockout gas or smoke. He also designs and uses a large variety of explosives disguised in various ways. Both he and Jim use magnesium strips in a variety of shapes and disguises to burn through cell bars, doors, and so forth. Even the train is tricked out with remote operated pistols, hidden compartments, and explosive billiard balls.

CHARACTER STUDY

In "Druid's Blood," Artemus tells Jim: "I know you to be loyal, thrifty, trustworthy, truthful, reverent, clean, brave…" To that, we can add chivalrous and something of a romantic. Jim often comes to the defense of women who are being hounded by pushy men ("Two-Legged Buffalo," "Death-Maker"). He also tries to comfort two separate princesses fearful of the impending lack of love in their lives once they become queens -- and not by trying to seduce them, either ("Wolf" and "Dragon Screamed"). Jim always keeps his word, even if it's to an enemy: in "Raven," Dr. Loveless relies on this, demanding that West swear that neither he nor Artie will try to escape -- as soon as Artemus realizes Jim's given his word, he stops planning their escape, clearly knowing it's useless. In "Turncoat" and "Eccentrics," Jim deliberately words his promise in such a way as to avoid having to break it, telling his greedy accomplices that he'll split "anything [he] make[s]" with them fifty-fifty. It's hardly surprising he's considered the United States' "most trusted Secret Service agent" ("Big Blast," "Terror Stalked the Town").

Jim is very adaptable, even to bizarre situations (like being shrunk by Dr. Loveless in "Raven"); his calmness is most likely due to his extraordinary self-confidence: he always has faith he'll succeed in the end. He's courageous, prone to exposing himself to danger and, in the words of Dr. Raiker in "Gruesome Games," "a creature of surprises and contradictions." Several enemies remark that he lacks the talent for killing in cold blood ("Gruesome Games," "Golden Cobra"). He likes animals ("Golden Cobra," "Bars of Hell"), and doesn't like people who put on aristocratic airs ("Cossacks"). He's obviously got a temper, and tends to be aggressive and growly when he loses it ("Inferno"). Jim has a "talent for observation" ("Puppeteer"), and tends to overdo it when he's playing a role ("Casual Killer"). He occasionally likes to indulge in dramatic, showy gestures. In "Skulls," Artemus accuses him of "always showboating."

Despite his apparently open personality, Artemus seems to have a naturally suspicious nature. In "Cut-Throats," he tells Sally that his cardinal rule is: "never travel next to a loaded gun unless you're sure it belongs to a very dear friend." His curiosity often seems endless -- he's willing to interrupt his vacation to satisfy it ("Poisonous Posey") and would "hate to bow out of anything still puzzled" ("Lord of Limbo"). He doesn't adapt as well to bizarre situations as Jim (or, at least, not to bizarre things which happen to Jim -- he looks positively astounded and more than a little sick when he sees Jim after he's been shrunk in "Raven"). Artie likes cats ("Big Blackmail"), so long as they're not too big ("Golden Cobra"), and shares Jim's dislike of aristocratic airs and rudeness ("Two-Legged Buffalo"). In "Golden Cobra," Jim accuses Artie of being too emotional. On more than one occasion, Artemus demonstrates an exceptional degree of empathy and understanding. Artie's temper is the slow-burning sort, and when he loses it, he turns cold and deadly. His voice and manners at such times are silky smooth and murderously urbane ("Bubbling Death," "Death-Maker," and others). The only time he's actually betrayed into raising his voice is when Jim is accused of treachery in "Big Blast."

In "Undead," Artemus is described as having "more than [his] share" of courage, and he lives up to this on many occasions: every time he drags all eyes to him to give Jim a chance to escape (as in "Deadly Bed"), or goes disguised into dangerous territory to scout out the ground for Jim (as in "Bubbling Death"). Throwing himself into the transmitter in "Bogus Bandits" to foil Loveless' plan is perhaps his single most obviously courageous act, but there are many others. Artemus prefers not to be dragged into physical fights, though this would seem to be only partly due to his occasionally shaky skills in hand to hand combat. Rather, Artie appears to think he's in some way taking the easy way out when he resorts to violence. In "Legion of Death," he tells Jim that "when you cannot confound the enemy, then you have lost." And, most telling, in "Burning Diamond," when Jim rushes to Artie's rescue only to find that he's already subdued his two opponents, Artie's response to the question of what happened is a rueful: "Oh, I cheated. I used force."

MISCELLANEOUS

Artemus is something of a gourmet, and apparently able to cook well enough to satisfy his own requirements. He makes himself a souffle for lunch ("Gypsy Peril" -- and on a moving train at that!), crepes suzette for his date ("Skulls"), and stroganoff "done to a brandy turn" in "Dr. Loveless Died." In "Death Masks," he and his date are having escargot and champagne for lunch. If his reaction in "Burning Diamond" is anything to go by, stroganoff is clearly a favorite dish. Artemus doesn't like hot dogs ("Circus of Death"), and he definitely doesn't like burgoo (oatmeal or mush) or, at least, not the burgoo made by the landlady in "Hangman." Jim isn't as picky about his food; he seems to eat everything with equal relish. In "Circus of Death," he tells Artie to look at the hotdog as a "portable steak," one which he seems to be enjoying. He likes tequila ("Deadly Bed"), and his favorite wine is Chateau Rothchild 1846, but only if it's properly chilled ("Vicious Valentine"). Both Jim and Artie smoke slim cigars and occasionally drink beer, whisky and brandy.

Jim doesn't seem to like rats ("Bubbling Death"), and Artie isn't fond of bats or, apparently, graveyards ("Inferno"). Artemus has a large blue and green tattoo of a dragon on his right arm, coiling from the biceps, around the elbow, down to the forearm, which he had to get to avert suspicion when he accidentally tailed Jim into a tattoo parlor in "Turncoat" (there are two other occasions, in "Dragon Screamed" and "Montezuma's Hordes," where he seems to have tattoos, but as these are both on the left inner forearm, self-applied, and in neither case do they have to last more than a few days, it seems more likely that he simply used some sort of semi-permanent ink). Artemus writes all their reports to Washington, offering them to Jim to sign, which he apparently usually does without reading them ("Deadly Bubble," "Undead," and "Ready-Made Corpse"). The sole exception is the report for "Lord of Limbo," which Jim dictates to a secretary, most likely because he didn't want Artemus trying to explain their unbelievable adventure to an unimaginative superior. Artemus plays the proverbial cavalry many more times than Jim, saving his partner from cells, traps, deadly contraptions, and maniacs with guns -- very probably, he saves Jim more often than Jim saves him simply because Jim is the one more likely to be captured and menaced.

MATTERS OF THE HEART

Both Jim and Artie are very much lady's men. Jim is well aware of the effect his looks has on the ladies, and often uses it to his advantage -- kisses are his most effective persuasive tool. Artie's sweet manners and gentle good humor help him charm his own fair share of the ladies, sometimes right out from under Jim's nose ("Flaming Ghost"). However, there seems to be little romantic rivalry between the agents; there are very few instances when they both go after the same girl and, even when they do, no rancor in their resolution of the problem. Though Artemus is generally the one who steps aside in such cases, there is at least one instance when he gets both women ("Sudden Death"). Though they most often seem to double date, on many occasions both agents take a single woman out, in perfect harmony, despite Jim's comment to Artie in "Headless Woman" that "it's hardly like you to give me a clear field with such a lovely lady." In fact, in "Ready-Made Corpse," they each try to ask Rose out, with a minor display of rivalry; when she turns down both invitations because she's already got a boyfriend, Jim's attempt to change her mind is couched in different terms: "but Rose, consider: we're not mere men; we're men of the law" -- wooing for both himself and Artie.

Jim is never seen to be serious about any lady; his flirtations are just that, and his attentions short-lived. Hardly surprising, given the roving nature of his job. Artie's romances are equally superficial, with one notable exception: Lily Fortune. This blast from the past, who appears in "Big Blast," tips Artemus head over heels. Certainly, his choice says much for Artie's good taste: Lily is bright, brave and strong-willed. She's also clever enough to realize she wouldn't be comfortable as the wife of a Secret Service agent. Artie's proposal shows us a previously unseen side of both him and Jim -- Artemus is shy and inarticulate, and Jim, who was clearly let in on his partner's intentions beforehand, is bluff and helpful, actually doing the proposing when Artie can't get the words out.

Are Artemus and James in love with each other? Possibly. It's hardly a stretch to say that they love each other -- clearly they are very close friends, who've shared much of their lives, living and working together. The enthusiastic embrace they share in "Diva" more than bears that out. They're more likely to refer to or introduce each other as "my friend" than "my partner." They spend most of their time, both on and off duty, together. In "Poisonous Posey," they are vacationing together, and in both "Big Blast" and "Death Masks," though they've spent part of their vacations apart, they have plans to meet before returning to work. They almost always double date, and also go out on the town together without the accompaniment of the ladies ("Vicious Valentine"). They seem to spend most of their leisure hours on the train together in the parlor, without apparent need of occasional solitude. They sit and stand close together in nearly all circumstances, and touch each other often -- noteworthy, since neither Jim nor Artie is much given to touching other men affectionately.

Not surprisingly, given their natures, Artemus is more demonstrative than Jim. He often pats Jim on the shoulder, back or arm when greeting or taking his leave of him. On one telling occasion, Artie's farewell pat is offered to Jim's waist ("Torture Chamber"). He often helps Jim up, his assistance usually more physical than the simple offer of a hand up -- in "Returning Dead," he scoops Jim up from behind, with his arms around Jim's chest, and does not immediately release him once Jim regains his feet. He calls Jim "old friend," "dear friend," "buddy," "pal," and "James my boy" and displays affectionate pride in his partner's accomplishments. In "Puppeteer," he responds to the barmaid's description of the man who "tried to take on the whole north point dragon fleet single-handed" with: "That's my boy all right," said in distinctly proud tones.

Jim does an excellent imitation of a brick wall when it comes to displaying his emotions. Yet he demonstrates more concern and genuine affection for Artemus than anyone else, including the women he romances. He calls Artie "old friend," "dear friend," and "pal." Although he doesn't seem as given to physical demonstrations as Artie, he often pats Artie on the shoulder or back when taking his leave, or uses a hand on the back to steer him out the door. In "Bars of Hell" and "Legion of Death," he holds onto Artie's arm as he's conversing with him, and in "Casual Killer," he slings his arm over Artie's shoulders and keeps it there throughout their conversation with Avery. He often helps Artie up, and on several occasions continues to support him for an extended period when Artie's legs won't hold him ("Druid's Blood," "Legion of Death," "Lord of Limbo"). In "Lord of Limbo," he holds the "dying" Artie, and picks him up, carrying him back through Vautrain's "limbo." He even covers a sleeping Artie with a blanket, and pats him on the chest after tucking him in ("Cadre"). On at least two occasions ("Double-Edged Knife" and "Bogus Bandits"), Jim breaks off the chase to go back and made certain Artemus is okay, letting the fugitives get away. Jim makes perhaps the most telling comment about their relationship in "Fatal Trap" -- in describing the wanted posters he's been printing with his own picture on them, he tells Artie they display a "picture of someone very near and, in a sense, very dear to you."

Naturally enough, both men respond emotionally to the perceived death of their partner. Artie says he won't believe Jim's dead until he's seen the body in "Big Blast," and actually raises his voice in anger for perhaps the only instance in the entire show at the suggestion that Jim died a traitor. In "Death Masks," the possibility that he might have shot Jim nearly sends him to tears. Jim's responses, as subdued as they are, are actually more revealing. In "Murderous Spring," under the influence of Loveless' drug, Jim is made to believe he's shot and killed Artie; until he sees his partner again, Jim deliberately goads Loveless, the only attempt he ever makes to actively provoke the man. In "Lord of Limbo," when Artie is killed in the alternate reality, Jim cradles the body close, and carries the larger man back through the fogs. His expression in that instance closely matches the one in "Pistoleros," when the fake Artie is killed in front of him: he looks remarkably like a man who's bleeding internally. In "Pistoleros," Jim throws his Secret Service duties out the window in order to track down "Artie's" killer -- he crosses into Mexico, operates as an agent in a foreign country, and gets the drop on Sanchez (the man who pulled the trigger) with no thoughts whatsoever of questioning or arresting him: "take a good look at the man who's going to kill you."

Jim and Artie's behavior towards each other is not the only clue we have to their feelings; there is also the perceptiveness of others. Dr. Loveless claims in "Murderous Spring" that he's setting out "to make a man kill the thing he loves," and finishes by chuckling over the idea of making Jim "shoot his best friend, Mr. Gordon." Despite his shaky grasp on sanity, Loveless is a remarkable judge of human nature. He seems perfectly aware of a stronger than usual attachment between the Secret Service agents. In "Surreal McCoy," he points out that "with Mr. West here and in jeopardy, Artemus won't be very far away, will he?" and in "Raven" he knows without a doubt that the escaping Jim won't leave without Artie. And Loveless isn't the only one. Many of their opponents threaten one member of the team in order to secure the cooperation of the other ("Golden Cobra," "Fugitives," "Burning Diamond," and others). Without exception, this ploy works, at least temporarily. Also, both Jim and Artie demonstrate more concern over threats to each other than to themselves: in "Watery Death," Jim is flippant in response to threats to himself, but visibly concerned when threats are made against Artie, who isn't even captured (yet); in "Two-Legged Buffalo," the situation is exactly reversed, with Artemus showing the same response.

None of this, of course, is enough to "prove" anything. However, it is certainly enough to make it clear that Jim and Artie love each other, at least as friends, and to hint at the possibility of something more. Besides, what other explanation can we hypothesize for the fact that they invariably share a hotel room with only one bed ("Poisonous Posey," "Cut-Throats," "Glowing Corpse" and others)?

APPENDIX I - CLOTHING

Both Artie and Jim dress brightly, in rich colors and cloths, Artie favoring browns and reds, and Jim in blues and greens. In "Golden Cobra," Jim makes a crack about his tailor bill which suggests he's willing to admit being something of a clothes horse. Artie's jackets tend to fall to his thighs, while Jim is almost invariably in a short coat, ending at the waist, which was called a roundabout or "monkey jacket" in that time period. In the following, unless otherwise noted, Jim's jackets are short, and Artie's are full-cut, and a "tie" is a wide fall of cloth tucked into the top of the vest, elaborately folded (with the exception of a few of Artie's disguises, none of the ties worn by either Jim or Artie ever look like our modern necktie).

- several full-cut velvet smoking jackets with black lapels - red, black, dark blue - may be worn over any other outfit, but generally chosen to match colors

Both Jim and Artie wear tuxedos when appropriate -- these are full swallowtail tuxedos, with white silk and satin for the shirts, vests and ties. Lots of frills in evidence.

Both Jim and Artie have what amounts to "traveling clothes" -- outfits generally worn on the trail and generally not worn to social events. Jim's is a blue corduroy jacket with black leather lapels, blue pants, black leather chaps, a light blue or white shirt, and a thin leather bolero tie with a silver clasp. Artie generally wears a brown and tan leather jacket with fringe on the top of the shoulders, the tail tied back on the right side to make his holster accessible, dark brown pants, knee-high black boots, a yellow or white shirt, thin black tie, and occasionally a gold and brown vest. Gunbelts generally complete both ensembles.

APPENDIX II - DISGUISES

Jim tries out disguises on eight separate occasions; however, as he never changes his appearance by more than the addition of a mustache, it's hardly surprising that on all eight occasions he's caught out by people who either know what the man he's impersonating is supposed to look like, or know what "James West: Secret Service agent" looks like.

Artemus, on the other hand, has a great deal more luck. Less than half of his disguises are penetrated, and they occasionally fool even Jim. Artemus puts his acting ability to good use, and we can honestly say that the theater obviously lost one hell of an actor when he joined the Secret Service. He imitates not only accents, but men's voices well enough to fool people who know them. He's a dab hand at the makeup, and obviously pretty good at sewing as well, for it's highly likely he makes most of his costumes. To all intents and purposes, he can pull on another persona in a few seconds flat.

What follows is a nearly comprehensive alphabetical list of Artie's disguises, including the name, if one was given intelligibly, and a brief description (no promises on the accuracy of the spelling, which is just a guess). An asterisk indicates a penetrated disguise, referencing a short note in parenthesis explaining how he was found out.