Twanglish Lessons is your bi-weekly guide to the finer points of the Official Language of the South. Remember, it’s not English; it’s Twanglish.

One would be forgiven if they looked at the title of today’s Twanglish Lesson and thought we were talking about that seemingly unending Southern capacity for generosity. Alas, that’s not the kind of giving we’re studying today.

Twanglish Lessons is your bi-weekly guide to the finer points of the official Southern language. Remember, it’s not English; it’s Twanglish.

Today’s Twanglish Lesson is a sober reminder of those days of long ago, a time when we were younger, firmer, shorter and had more hair. And it continues our ill-conceived, de facto theme of Cussin’ Week…

Whether pointing out the general direction of the UFO or describing the odorous similarity between a neighbor’s puppy mill and the family hog farm, today’s Twanglish Lesson brings that simile to non-specific life: