A report in Cosmopolitan Magazine offers ten very insightful points into the psyche of your everyday, average narcissist - and if you keep these in mind when you're dealing with one, you'll find yourself feeling much more in control of the situation.

2. The reason they're so fragile and insecure on the inside and mean and hateful on the outside goes all the way back to childhood. Though researchers believe there might be a genetic component, the truth is that the way a child is raised has a great deal to do with how they turn out.

There are two ways to "create" a narcissist - by denying a child unconditional love so they never feel comfortable in the emotional love, or to totally go the opposite direction and overindulging, overpraising and underdisciplining the child - making them believe they're overly special.

This would indicate that the term "happy medium" could apply to good parenting (My note)

3. Kids who got big responsibilities at early ages are more often narcissists than those who didn't, whether it was direct responsibility such as for a sibling or indirect such as for the emotional health of a parent. This leads to their adult selves always seeking approval and trying too hard, never allowing themselves to just "be," rather requiring to be the center of attention.

4. A narcissist desperately needs to feel superior to everyone around him, because inside they don't feel like they're good enough. And they react with contempt to anyone who seems to have something they lack.

8. If you must confront a narcissist, do it carefully - they respond best to "empathic validation," Cosmo says. So you should always "affirm the relationship first before you share anything that doesn't feel right," said a psychologist interviewed by the mag. "For example, if it's someone you're dating, say to them: 'I care about you a lot, so when you don't listen to what I'm saying, I feel like I'm nothing in your eyes,' instead of 'Why don't you ever listen to me?'"

About the book: Do you find yourself giving all you've got and people still want more? Do you sometimes do without what you want or need in order to keep the people around you happy? Are you afraid to deal with confrontation and do you often find it easier to just go with the flow in order to keep the peace?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you might be a people pleaser. Many people pleasers are also very empathic people, who are especially attractive to toxic types who love to take advantage every chance they get.

In this book, you'll learn how to stop feeling the need to make everyone else happy and start figuring out what makes you happy, personally, and really - not someone else's idea of what's supposed to make you happy,

9. The only thing that might motivate a narcissist to change is having a meaningful consequence for their bad behavior. For example, a healthy narcissist might avoid cheating on a spouse in order to preserve the relationship, because "if the consequences are high enough, they might start to reevaluate their actions."

10. No matter how intelligent and together a narcissist is in other ways, they are emotional toddlers. Cosmo's experts both noted that the best way to deal with a narcissist who is raging is to consider them like you would a two-year-old who is throwing a tantrum, and that most of that is just their way of "putting on a show." Both agreed that as long as you're not in physical danger, you have to pick your battles and decide what you will and will not tolerate, and then make your choices accordingly.

3 Comments

NoNarcs
on June 28, 2016 at 8:10 pm

This entire list describes my father. He almost destroyed my life, so I unwittingly became the “scapegoat”-“rebel.” Now, with people like you, I am finding out that there has been no problems with me!! He is a narc!!! He knows no shame and was the golden child……he never grew up. He gets his way through charm/intimidation…..joking around/temper tantrums….etc etc. He must be the center of attention………my goodness he is everyone of the 10 listed here!!

If narcissism was caused by “the way a child is raised” and not GENETICS (see book of GENEsis Chapter 3 verse 15) then there would be no SCAPEGOATS of Narcissist Parents! They would ALL be NARCISSISTS. Think about.