Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

November 13, 2016

I used to live next to a crack whore when I was living in an apartment. And unless you think I’m being judgmental, I don’t use the phrase “crack whore” figuratively. She was a bona fide crack-smoking-in-exchange-for-sex, crack whore type of gal.

Try getting out of an expensive apartment lease though and you’ll be surprised how hard it is to come up with reasons that you are planning on moving but CAN’T bring up the fact that you have crack whore living next to you.

The problem was that she was nice and almost normal. And her shenanigans were mostly limited to her apartment- at least most of the time. You did have the occasional pusher coming around to scratch his phone number on her door, but more often than not her clientele were pretty friendly.

She was also surprisingly charming and educated for someone that had obviously made some poor decisions in life. For example, she taught me a possible etymological origin of the expression BFE (or as it is colloquially called “Bum Fuck Egypt”.)

Her contention was that Cairo, a city at the southern most tip of Illinois was legitimately the furthest spot that you could imagine from anywhere in the state and so, by way of association, Cairo and it’s logical connection with Egypt, birthed the phrase. Regardless of this claim’s veracity, I think it does make an interesting story nonetheless.