Go Compare: the Movie – which other ads would make great films?

With the E*Trade babies headed for the big screen, it's surely only a matter of time before the singing car insurance middle man gets a bigger vehicle. What other 30 seconds have you wished were an hour and a half longer?

Go Compare: the Movie – which other ads would make great films?

With the E*Trade babies headed for the big screen, it's surely only a matter of time before the singing car insurance middle man gets a bigger vehicle. What other 30 seconds have you wished were an hour and a half longer?

The worst thing, obviously, about television commercials is their brevity. Sure, the webuyanycar.com advert is fun, but just imagine how incredible it'd be if it was extended into a feature-length version. Two hours of that jingle, repeated relentlessly over and over like some sort of dotcom-era Clockwork Orange rehabilitation video. It would be a stone-cold sensation. Watch out, Avatar.

As awful as it sounds, though, turning an advert into a film isn't an entirely unprecedented move. Jim Varney's Ernest character, of Ernest Goes to Camp, Ernest Goes to Jail and Slam Dunk Ernest fame, began life in a dairy commercial; and ABC ran a short-lived sitcom based on the Geico cavemen campaign in 2007.

But let's assume that the E*Trade film will take the advert movie movement into the mainstream, because a) talking babies are cute and b) there are a lot of idiots around. When that happens, you can guarantee that other ad characters will make their bid for glory, too. But who will be next? Here are the likely candidates.

Surely the two favourites to become movie stars. It doesn't matter what vehicle they're given. They're both as recognisable as Brad Pitt, as charismatic as George Clooney and as popular as William Shatner. Whatever film they appear in, be it a comedy or a drama or an erotic thriller, it's sure to be a runaway success – a fact that should depress you quite considerably.

The Glade Touch and Fresh boy

Imagine Ice Cold in Alex. That's what the Touch and Fresh movie would be like. One boy facing a series of insurmountable obstacles stopping him from reaching his ultimate goal – going to the loo in Paul's bathroom. At times failure seems certain, but – spoiler alert – the boy triumphs. He reaches Paul's bathroom, pulls down his pants and has a dump for 10 minutes. The music swells and there's not a dry eye in the house.

The Oven Pride couple

Basically an inverted version of Nil By Mouth, where the woman subjects her husband to a barrage of mental and physical abuse that he's helpless against. Not because he loves her or anything like that, but because he's a man and his stupid man brain can't work out how to tell his arms or legs to move because all male brains are so useless that they may as well be made out of cottage cheese.

The DulcoEase ladies

Look, the advert already wants to be Sex and the City something rotten, so extending it to two hours seems like a no-brainer. It would also give the various ladies the perfect opportunity to discuss their bowels with an almost forensic attention to detail, something that cinema audiences traditionally go crazy for.

A three-way Warriors-style battle for talking-baby supremacy. Who'll emerge victorious? The street-smarts of the Evian kids? The financial nous of the E*Trade babies? Or will the toilet paper boy utilise his corporate muscle and doom his competitors to a lifetime of grovelling servitude? It's only a matter of time before we find out, probably.