Date: Sat, 18 Sep 2004 14:28:11 -0400
From: Jeff Wilson
Subject: WAR Part 6, Chapter 8
W.A.R. Part Six - Commencement
Chapter Eight -- Phobia
by Jeff Wilson
The winter continued on, as time usually will. Life at school was
fine. Everybody knew what was going on with Brett and me by the end of
January, and no one seemed to care. I found out through the grapevine that
is high school life that there had been rumors about us since at least
ninth grade. That sort of ticked me off, but it was the truth. I just
wish people would have minded their own business.
I started a new job. I started delivering pizzas in the evenings.
The store had a car I could drive, I just had to pester Brett or mom to get
me there. Brett and Dustin picked on me relentlessly for being a pizza
boy. It was an easy job; make a few pizzas, drive around town for a while,
make good tip money. It was worth getting picked on when I actually had
money in my pockets.
Dustin disappeared for two weeks after Christmas. He told people that
he was going on vacation, but he told me privately that he was going to go
back to the special school to get his medication straightened out.
Apparently, he hadn't been telling Dr. Reilly or his mom anything about
what was going on, and that was part of the trouble. They couldn't help if
he didn't give them any clue that he wasn't feeling right. When he came
back, he seemed better. He would still get really depressed sometimes, and
then sometimes he'd get so giddy that he'd just laugh and laugh for like
twenty minutes for no reason at all. But it was all part of trying to get
him off some of the more powerful drugs he had been on. If he could
regulate his emotions on his own, then he could start to deal with what
happened to him.
In January, something weird happened at school. Sarah Taylor didn't
turn in a paper to Miss Winston. Everybody was shocked about it.
Absolutely shocked. Her excuse was that she had a family emergency, and
that she should have extra time to do the paper. But everybody had seen
her at the school's basketball game cheerleading that night. So Miss
Winston lowered her grade for being late. But it didn't stay a low grade
for long. Mr. Taylor himself met with Miss Winston. Mr. Taylor, the
school board president... Now, nobody said anything about what happened in
that meeting, and I never asked, but Sarah had an "A" on that paper when
school let out that day.
I had trouble of my own in history class. Mr. Hartley, who had been
one of my favorite teachers, had been acting a little weird lately. I used
to be able to talk with him after class, or joke a little bit during class.
But he had become a real jerk since we got back from Christmas vacation.
He wrote me up during one class for talking. Another time, he wrote me up
for being late, even though I had an excuse. When I tried to talk to him
after class he wouldn't even let me get close before he gathered up his
things and practically ran out of the classroom.
And then there was mom. Even though she hadn't been as much of a
bitch since my birthday, she still refused to budge on the Brett situation.
"I cannot let you bring him into this house, Billy," was the only thing she
had to say about it. And if I tried to argue, she would cut me off. But,
she had lightened up on a lot of other things. She only asked that I call
if I was going to be getting home after midnight, that I take care of
school work first, and that I wear a seatbelt when I drove. She said that
since I was eighteen I was going to have to start acting like an adult, and
I'd be treated that way. So, no more yelling, no more asking me to go to
church or asking me to clean up my room, and I'd never be grounded again.
I just couldn't have my boyfriend in my house. She might as well have
grounded me.
So that's what was going on when Dustin called to invite me and Brett
to hang out at his house on an unusually warm Saturday in late February.
Since it was nice weather, we decided to meet in the woods and then walk to
Dustin's house. I got to the flat area near the top of the hill where
Dustin had his incident before Brett did. I would have sat on the stump,
except that Dustin had chopped it up with an axe, poured gasoline on it,
and set it on fire about a year ago and it was nothing but a charred hump.
Brett joined me after a few minutes of quiet and we walked down the hill to
find our red-headed buddy working outside on his dirt bike.
"Hey, about time you guys showed up." Dustin said as we joined him on
the concrete patio behind his house. He was wearing an old Pirates ball
cap and his hands were covered with grease and dirt. "Beautiful day today,
huh?"
"Perfect." I replied, kneeling down to check out what Dustin was
working on.
"Yeah, nice day." Brett said, standing near the door to the house,
hoping that we wouldn't spend all day working on the bike.
Dustin looked up at Brett and smiled. "You gonna ride it this time?"
He asked.
Brett laughed self-consciously. "Sure... I want to get on that
death-trap."
Dustin laughed. "You're still scared after all these years. Didn't
your mom ever teach you to confront your fears?"
"I'm not scared." Brett said defiantly. "I just don't feel like
dying on a nice day like today."
"It's okay to be afraid, Reilly." Dustin said, sarcastically. "Heck,
I don't like knives and beer anymore after what happened to me. If I had
to get twenty stitches in my face..."
"I told you I'm not afraid!" Brett insisted.
"Knock it off guys." I interrupted. "Bicker, bicker, bicker. You
guys are still assholes to each other after all this time."
"Shut up!" Both said, and then laughed. I swear, I could never
figure out what was with those two.
Dustin succeeded in removing the part he was after, and I helped him
to install a new one. Dustin fired up the bike and it ran perfectly. He
rode it down the street and back, and said that it was working great.
We went inside and ate lunch. Mrs. Smith left to go to work and asked
us not to destroy her house. She kissed and hugged "her sweet little
Dusty" before heading out the door, which caused Dustin's face to turn
redder than his hair. So of course, Brett and I called him "Sweet Little
Dusty" for the rest of the day.
"If you guys don't knock it off, I'm going to hurt you." Dustin said
after about an hour of being tormented.
"I'm sorry, sweet little Dust... Ow!" Brett said as Dustin hit him
in the arm.
"Can I help it if my mom is trying to make up for years of neglect?"
Dustin asked.
"I guess not." Brett said. "I guess it's better to be over-loved now
after the shit you had to go through."
"It sucks." Dustin said flatly. "All she ever had to do was pay a
little bit of attention, you know." We didn't say much for a while after
that. Dustin took a long drink of Cherry Pepsi before he spoke again.
"Well, that sure killed the mood, huh?" He said. "You guys want to
try out the bike?"
I nodded. Brett shook his head.
"Oh come on, Brett. That was years ago." I said. "So you wrecked
once and hurt yourself. You should have gotten over it a long time ago."
"You don't get over having your face ripped open by a tree, Billy."
Brett explained. Well, there was no denying that logic. But just because
he didn't want to have fun, it didn't mean that Dustin and I couldn't have
a good time. So we put on our jackets and headed outside, with Brett
reluctantly following. Dustin walked the bike off of the patio and into
his backyard.
"You want to go first, Billy?" He asked, offering me his helmet.
"Sure." I replied. I took the helmet from him and adjusted it to my
head. Then I fired the bike up. Brett cringed as I revved the engine a
few times. Then I took off toward the street. I rode down the road to the
intersection of Ligonier St. and Front Street. Then, for fun, I rode up
Front Street to my house. I saw mom look out the window as I rode the bike
through our yard to the path. I knew she'd scold me later for giving her a
heart attack. She didn't want her boy to get hurt on that dangerous device
of Satan.
I rode up to the top of the hill, and then back down the trail that
led from the remains of the stump to Dustin's house. If I'd have come from
the other direction, from Brett's house, I could have hit a spot on the
trail where the ground would have dropped and went airborne. That was
always scary, but fun as hell. As it was I managed to make it back to
Dustin's backyard in no time at all. As soon as I got off the bike, Brett
sighed in relief. It was as if he hadn't breathed since I'd got on the
bike.
Dustin laughed. "You should have saw how scared he was while you were
gone."
"I was slightly concerned." Brett replied.
"He threatened to hurt me if you didn't come back." Dustin said,
laughing even more.
"I just said that if you got hurt I was going to hurt him." Brett
said, obviously relieved that I'd made it back alive.
"So, are you going to go now?" Dustin asked.
Brett's eyes widened and his smile quickly faded. "I don't think so."
He said sternly.
"Come on Brett." I chipped in. "You just saw how easy it was. It's
fun."
"Come on Reilly. You're not going to get hurt and mash your pretty
face again."
"Shut up!" Brett said angrily.
"Brett... You don't have to be afraid forever about something that
happened when you were little."
"I told you I'm NOT AFRAID!!" Brett shouted.
"I'll give you a blow job." I said slyly.
"Oh I do not need to hear about this." Dustin said, covering his
ears.
Brett laughed. "Really? A blow job? But you always give me blow
jobs."
"Can't hear you talking about sucking each other's dick." Dustin said
in a sing-song.
"Okay, I'll rim you them." I said.
"Oh gross!" Dustin said. "Tell me I did not just hear you say that."
"But you always do that too." Brett said. "And you like doing it as
much as I do."
"Oh my god!!!" Dustin cried. "When someone says to 'kiss my ass' it
doesn't mean you're supposed to actually do it!"
"Okay," I said, ignoring Dustin's comments. "If you don't ride it,
then I won't do any of those things."
"You wouldn't!" Brett exclaimed.
"Try me." I dared.
Brett groaned loudly. "Ohhhhhh... Fuck. I fucking hate you guys."
He said. Then he grabbed the helmet from Dustin and sat on the bike. "How
the fuck do you work this thing?" He asked, turning the handles and trying
to get the bike to go. Dustin explained how it worked and I gave Brett a
kiss before he very very slowly gave it a little gas and the bike lurched
slowly forward.
"There." Brett said as he brought the bike to a stop. "I rode it.
Happy now?"
Dustin and I just stared at him. Brett sighed and said, "I hate you
guys..." Then he gave the bike a little gas once again. It slowly moved
forward and then Brett allowed it to go a little faster, until he was up to
the speed of perhaps a turtle. He slowly rode around the corner of the
house and Dustin and I could hear as he crept along to the road and then up
the street toward his house.
"I can't believe he actually did it." I said.
"I can't believe you guys actually do that stuff." Dustin replied.
"What? Did you think we just sat around reading poetry to each other
or something?"
"I didn't think you... Well... I figured you sucked each other's
dick. You guys have to have done it, of course... Wow... Have you really
licked his butt hole?"
"Why so interested?" I asked. "Joey was always the one who wanted to
talk about sex. Not you. You're the normal friend."
Dustin laughed. "Ha! Normal... My dad raped me. That's not normal,
Billy."
"Not that! I mean, you're the one that I can talk about ordinary
stuff with, like sports and stuff. Joey always wanted to talk about
fucking. Shit, once he found out that Brett and I were doing it that was
all he wanted to talk about."
"And then he got another girl pregnant and left town. Yeah. Joey was
a cool guy." Dustin said sarcastically. "Dumb ass couldn't talk for two
minutes without ending up talking about how fun it was to bang girls all
the time. You know who Joey is? He's Brett's dad."
"Ummm... That's impossible, Dustin." I said.
"No, jerk-off. I mean, like, you know how Brett's just with his mom?
And his dad isn't around. Well, that's what Joey's going to be to those
kids. He'll be the asshole who couldn't keep his dick in his pants and
then ran like a little rat when he couldn't take responsibility for what he
did."
"I never knew you thought that way." I said. "I always thought you
and Joey were tight."
"Well, we used to be. After you got too busy with Brett, he was my
replacement friend. But he wasn't too bright. He was cool until he hit
puberty, then it was 'she's fuckable' or, 'I'd hit that up' or 'I'd like to
get a piece of that.' It got annoying after a while. He thought with his
dick instead of his brain. He could have saved a lot of trouble for
himself. All he had to do was use a condom."
"I don't think he knew how to put one on." I joked.
"I wouldn't dream of doing it without one. That's just what I need...
I did Mike without one back when we were into that sort of thing... I
wasn't too bright back then either... Do you guys use them?" Dustin
asked. "No..." He answered his own question, "I guess you wouldn't need
them."
"We're pretty safe." I said. "Neither of us is going to get
pregnant."
"What if you..."
"We're not going to fuck any body else either, if that's what you were
wondering."
"You're lucky, Billy." Dustin said.
"I reckon so." I replied.
"I've never had a blowjob." Dustin admitted.
"But I thought Mike..."
"I sucked his. I never let him do mine. I guess I was afraid I'd
like it too much or something."
"Emily's never..."
"Emily's never seen it, actually..." He said, whispered really.
"But you've..."
"Had sex? Yeah. We do it in the dark." He explained.
"You mean you've fucked her and she's never seen your dick?"
"She's never seen me naked. You're the last person who has, actually.
You're the only one I'm comfortable with seeing me without clothes on. And
that's really weird considering you're gay. Hell, I've never even taken my
shirt off around her."
"Then how do you have sex?" I asked.
"She takes her pants off, I turn off the lights, unzip, put on a
condom, put it in, do it, pull it out, throw the condom away, and zip back
up."
"Wow..." I replied. I realized quickly the reason for Dustin's
extreme shyness, of course. He had told me of the humiliation of being
forced to strip, and of being violated.
"He's been gone a long time." Dustin said.
"And I hope he stays away forever." I said, thinking he meant his
dad.
"What? No. I mean Brett. He left like five minutes ago. Listen. I
don't hear the bike."
"Maybe he stalled." I said. "I'll call him." I walked into the
house and dialed Brett's cell phone number. The "Halloween" movie theme
song came from the kitchen table. Brett had left his cell phone in the
house. I walked back outside, feeling much more nervous than I had moments
before.
"Well?" Dustin asked.
"He left it here." I replied.
"Crap!" Dustin said. "I thought I heard him up in the woods..."
"Yeah, me too. While we were talking... Let's go."
I started to get a very uneasy feeling as we walked briskly into the
woods. The leafless trees looked a lot more foreboding than they ever had
before. I couldn't help but feel a little bit scared by the whole
situation. As we got to the top of the hill, Dustin stopped and I, not
paying attention, ran right into his back.
"Oh shit." Dustin gasped.
"What? What?" I said, then saw. "OH MY GOD!" I screamed. We both
ran as fast as we could to a tree near Dustin's old burned-up stump.
There, we found Brett lying on the ground, his leg crushed between the tree
and the bike, with far more blood than there should have been on the
ground.
"Brett!! Brett!!" I cried, frantically running to him, Dustin on my
heels.
"Ow..." Brett moaned. I breathed a sigh of relief. He was alive.
"What happened?" Dustin asked as he helped me remove the bike.
"Hit... bump..." Brett said, his words strained from the pain he was
in. He pointed to the old stump. "Lost control... leg... fuckin'
hurts..."
Brett's right leg was twisted in a way that was impossible. It looked
like he had another knee, actually. About halfway between his knee and
ankle, his leg was twisted and bent to the right. His pant leg and shoe
were soaked with blood. Brett had other scratches and cuts from the
collision, but obviously his leg was the worst.
"We've got to get him out of here." I said, panic quickly taking the
place of my sense.
"Billy," Dustin whispered, trying to keep Brett from hearing. "His
leg is mangled. Look at it, he broke it clean through. We can't move
him."
"We have to!" I exclaimed. My mind raced with a million terrible
thoughts at once. My mom... She was home!
"We've got to get him to my house!" I said.
"No..." Brett protested. "Not allowed..."
"Come on, Dustin. Help me!" Panic flowed through me. I had to get
him to mom. "Help me PLEASE!!!" I begged. "You have to help me."
Dustin sighed. He lightly touched Brett's bloody pant leg and Brett
screamed the most terrible cry I've ever heard another person howl. It was
as if Dustin had stabbed him. I'll never forget that scream as long as I
live. I still hear it in my nightmares... Dustin quickly stood back up.
"We can't move him." Dustin said sternly. Brett wailed and I became
completely useless trying desperately to comfort him. "You said your mom
is home Billy?" I just kneeled there by Brett and tried to comfort him.
"BILLY!" Dustin shouted, snapping me out of it. "Is your mom home?" He
said slowly.
I nodded. "I'm going to get her. Stay here."
Dustin quickly ran as fast as I've ever seen him run down the trail to
my house. I just kneeled there with Brett as that horrible scream echoed
in my head.
"I'm scared, Billy." Brett said, tears running down his face.
"Me too." I said, trying to compose myself to be strong for him.
"It hurts..." he said hoarsely.
I held his head with my hands and fixed his hair subconsciously.
"It'll be okay." I said automatically. I had no idea what I was saying.
Everything was numb.
I heard footsteps coming quickly up the trail. I expected to see
Dustin, but it was mom, carrying her medical bag with her. I'd never seen
her run so fast in my life. She quickly knelt down next to Brett's leg,
breathing heavily. She gave me a quick look which said more than words
ever could how upset she was with me.
"He's hurt..." I said trying desperately to keep my composure.
"I know. Dustin's called for paramedics. He's stayed to lead them up
here." Mom explained. She opened her medical bag and produced a pair of
scissors. She cut through Brett's shoe laces and slipped off his bloody
Nike. His sock was soaked through with blood.
Mom gently squeezed Brett's bloody foot. "Brett, can you feel that?"
She asked in the same firm tone of voice she'd used with me the time I
broke my eye socket.
"Feel what?" Brett asked. He couldn't feel what she was doing. That
can't have been good...
"Oh god..." I moaned.
"Shut up, Billy." Mom said sternly. I obeyed.
"Brett... I hope you weren't too attached to these pants." She said
in that firm, steady voice. It actually comforted me that mom was in
control of the situation. She snipped away at the blood soaked pant leg
very carefully. "Billy. I need you to come here please." I took off my
jacket and rolled it into a ball for Brett to rest his head on. Then I
joined my mother.
"Billy, listen to me." Mom spoke quietly as she cut so Brett couldn't
hear. "He's broken both bones in his lower leg and crushed his foot. He's
also lost a lot of blood and there may be nerve damage."
"Oh my god..." I felt the panic coming back.
"Billy... Don't you freak out on me." Mom said. "I need you."
I exhaled deeply, trying to regain my fragile composure.
"Now listen... I need you to go to the house..."
"I'm not leaving him!" I protested.
"Billy... I need you to go to the house, and call Jennifer."
"Dustin can..."
"Billy, if you love him like you say you do, then you'll do as I say!
You cannot help him here. You're only going to be in the way."
"He needs me to be with him." I said.
"Billy, do as I say. This is no time to argue."
"I'm not going to leave him, mom." I replied.
Mom looked at me sternly. Under ordinary circumstances, that look
would have had me running away. But I wasn't going to leave him. Mom
finally sighed. "Fine. Stubborn as ever." I went back to Brett's side
and carefully smoothed his hair. I just had to comfort him somehow. Mom
went to work on the pant leg some more. Brett tried to lean up to see what
was happening, but I wouldn't let him. Mom cut all the way up Brett's leg,
and I could see his boxers under the cloth when she got to his hip. She
carefully pulled the cut pant leg apart, revealing his lower leg. I
couldn't help but look, though I wish I hadn't. There was no way to
prepare myself to see what was left of Brett's leg. There was blood
everywhere, with more blood constantly oozing out of him with every
heartbeat. But that wasn't the worst part. His shin bone had snapped like
a twig, and part of it had cut right through his skin and was sticking out
through the front of his leg. The other bone in his leg had also been
broken in half, and it was protruding through the left side of his leg. It
was the most disturbing thing I've ever seen.
I was so stunned that I didn't notice Brett had worked his head up to
look at his leg. "Oh fuck..." he gasped. He stared at it for a few
seconds and then laid his head back down.
He didn't cry after that, I think he was too shocked to cry. Mom
carefully tended to Brett's injuries while it seemed like an eternity
passed while we waited for the paramedics to arrive. The worst thing for
me was knowing that Brett was totally conscious and in the worst pain of
his life. I almost wanted him to pass out so he wouldn't have to be in
agony. He closed his eyes and ground his teeth and groaned. Each sound of
anguish made me want to die.
After a few more minutes, Dustin came into view followed by two
paramedics. Mom helped them as they carefully immobilized Brett's leg and
then put him onto a medical board to cart him out of the woods and down to
the ambulance. Dustin and mom helped to carry him down the hill while I
followed behind, still numb, and trying to keep myself together. When they
got to the ambulance parked in my driveway, mom sent Dustin into the house
to get her cell phone.
"Billy, I'll call Jennifer. I want you to call David and tell him
where I am."
"I have to stay with him." I said.
"You're in no shape to drive and you can't go in the ambulance."
"Mother..."
"William Aaron, you have no choice. I'll take care of him."
Dustin returned with the cell phone and the ambulance doors closed as
they carted my Brett off to the hospital. Dustin and I stood there in the
driveway and watched until the ambulance was out of sight.
"I can call Dave if you want..." Dustin said. He didn't expect me to
burst into tears right there in the driveway.
"FUCK!" I exploded. "FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!"
"Billy, I'm real sorry." He said.
"It should have been me..." I sobbed. "Why did I make him ride that
damn thing?"
"You didn't make him do anything." Dustin said softly. "He didn't
have to go if he didn't want to. And he shouldn't have gone up into the
woods in the first place. You didn't know what would happen. Besides, it
was my bike... Shit, my mom's going to kill me."
I walked over to the wall and reared my arm back, ready to punch it as
hard as I could. I had to hit something.
"Stop it, Billy." Dustin said seriously. "Hurting yourself didn't
help your dad and it's not going to help Brett.
I dropped down to the ground and sat down against the wall, putting
hands on my head and letting all the emotion out. Dustin sat down beside
me and put his arm over my shoulders and just kept me company.
"You feel better?" Dustin asked after I had finally stopped bawling
my eyes out.
"No." I replied.
"Me neither." Dustin said. We just sat there for a long time, both
numb, I guess. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw the bones sticking
through Brett's leg again. And when it got quiet, I heard that terrible
scream from when Dustin touched his leg.
After about ten minutes of just sitting there, Dustin finally pulled
me up and took me into the house. He called Dave and then he called his
mom. Then he stayed there with me while we watched television, though my
mind was never off of Brett for one second. I've never been so worried
about someone and felt so helpless to do anything.
All I could do was wait.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Well, not everyone is happy with the direction of the story. Well,
that'll happen. Sometimes you see one thing and I see another. There are
many reasons for the turn of events of the story. Rather than follow the
advice of one reader, who suggested that "you might as well kill them all
off & end the story.I hate runnung around in circles." I think I'll do
things my way instead, and continue the story the way I planned. That is
all.
jkwsquirrel@yahoo.com
Next time - Billy and Brett go straight, Billy's mom and Dustin go
"queer" and I kill them all off and end the story.
No wait... I mean that doesn't happen. Really... If you don't like the
story than don't waste your time reading it and if you're too impatient to
see where I'm going, then wait until about Christmas and then read the
whole damn thing.