There are times in life when circumstances back you into a corner. Times when those you trust betray you and those you have come to rely on turn their back on you. It is in those times you find the people in your life who truly do have your back. The people who genuinely care. You can see through the masks that people wear and into the reality of their hearts. The truth of the matter is at those times, it can break you. It can take you and slam you down with a force you didn’t know existed in your world. At those times when you have felt abandoned and all alone you should look around through your tears and see who and what truly matters in your life. The sad fact is most of those times come at a high price and with great pain. It is a bit like hitting rock bottom in addiction. There is no where to turn and no where to go but up. But the beauty of it is when you stop and look around– feeling in your heart that without a doubt that you are standing alone– you see the people in your life who genuinely care about you and love you. Those are the true people in your life you can depend on, trust and open your heart to when you are at your weakest. Those are the people who will hold your hand when you need it. The people who will love you unconditionally and stand beside you to weather the storms of life. The reality is you probably are not as alone as you thought you were. You just weren’t looking in the right places.

For many of us a time has come or will come when your circumstances or the people you have chosen to surround yourself with will bring you to your knees, break your heart or back you into a corner where you can see no way out. Rather than focusing on the pain or the intense feelings of loneliness and anger you are bound to feel, take a good look at who is still standing with you. Take a really good look. Those are the people you want in your corner. Those are the people whose opinions and truth you want to rely on at that time. Those people who are ready, willing and able to drop everything to see you through the hardest of times– those are the people who do truly care and support you. The ones who are willing to give you the benefit of the doubt through your successes and failures.

Now, I am not saying that the other people who choose to turn away are people not worthy of your time, your prayers or your friendship. But those are not the people you should depend on to make your life choices or help you through the tough times. Those are not the people you need to depend on in a time of pain. They are merely people who have been brought into your life for a reason and a season. They have brought a life lesson with them. They have brought to you something you can take away. They are no less important in the grand scheme of things. They are your life teachers. Sometimes they are gentle and kind teachers who come and go from your life and bless with you with what they have brought to you. Sometimes there are those people whose lessons are brutal and painful. And sometimes those lessons are ones that you would never learn if it were not for the suffering they bring to you. They are just as important to your growth as a person as the people in your life that you know will never abandon you, abuse you or leave you when things get rough. They serve as a catalyst for a life lesson. People that somewhere deep inside- when you can think clearly through the pain or anger- that have led you to the path you should take or off of the one that will destroy your very soul.

My Mom always said life isn’t fair. And it isn’t. However, when the chips are down and you find out who stands with you, supports you and will be there for you, you should be thankful. Just as you should be thankful for the ones who broke your heart. Not in the same way, yet nevertheless their importance should not be diminished because you are hurt.

So what do you do in those times when you are broken and beaten down? You reach up, take the hand (or hands) that are offered, stand up, brush yourself off and move forward. Hopefully you’ll find yourself a better person for the life lesson they have brought. Even if they were brought to you at a great cost or with pain.

This week I learned many lessons. Some that had me in tears of pain for days. Some that have me in tears of extreme gratitude. And some that just opened my eyes in general to the reality– and not the perceived reality– but the actual reality of people, situations and circumstances I have allowed into my life that are toxic to me and my family. For that, I am truly thankful for those people and situations. They brought with them a lesson for a season. A lesson of fire and pain but a lesson that I can not only carry with me but use to help and guide others when I see them go down a similar path. It is an opportunity to share my experiences with others and let them know they are not alone when they find themselves beaten down and broken. I’ve learned our experiences are not for nothing. They are not trivial. We have not suffered them in vain.

I suppose what I am saying is that you should not regret the decisions you have made and the people you have had in your life. If your lesson has been learned and those people are truly there only for a season and simply for a single reason, you will find peace in moving forward. You will have learned what you needed to learn and the loss, though it can be painful, has served its purpose. Yes, even those who break your heart. There is a reason and a lesson. When you learn it, you will grow, be stronger and see things much clearer as you let them go.

But never, ever forget to take the time to thank those who are there for the good and the bad. The ones who stand with you when you succeed and when you fail. I am talking about the people who will always stand beside you and support you and will be honest with you from their heart and from a place of love because those are the people you can always be free to hand over your heart to and know that it will be cherished and not broken. Just remember to thank those people in your life who are truly and genuinely there for you. They are your blessings. They are your true gifts in life. Blessings to lean on through your sufferings and to cheer with you through your celebrations. And in return, you will grow with them and be able to hold their heart in your hands and cherish it and take care of it with gentle hands just as they have done for you.

Lessons are learned.

Seasons change.

And people leave.

Those who don’t turn their backs and walk away…well, count your blessings. Never take them for granted. I know I never will again. For I am blessed. Broken hearted but full of peace for I know now without any doubt in my mind, I do not and never will stand alone.

With the help of those friends standing with me…

It’s time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I’m through with playing by the rules
Of someone else’s gameToo late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It’s time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

I’m through accepting limits
‘Cuz someone says they’re so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I’ll never know!
Too long I’ve been afraid of
Losing love I guess I’ve lost
Well, if that’s loveIt comes at much too high a cost!

9 Comments

When you have come to the edge
Of all the light you know,
And are about to step off
Into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing that
One of two things will happen:
There will be something solid to stand on
Or you will be taught how to fly

I know you have Faith, and I know your wings are strong, so you are ready to go!

When you have come to the edge
Of all the light you know,
And are about to step off
Into the darknes of the unknown,
Faith is knowing that
One of two things will happen:
There will be something solid to stand on
Or you will be taught how to fly.

I know you have Faith, and I know your wings are 10 years strong, so you are ready to go!

Laura- That quote has been copied down and taped to the side of my monitor to remind me when I need it. I am so grateful to know that either way- something solid or flying- I have the best people in the world that I call friends. And you’re right, I am ready to go take that step!

I have followed your blog for a long time now but rarely comment. I do not know what you have gone through but having seen what you have been through before I completely admire that you are seeing people who in one way or another hurt you as something to not regret. I think that very few people can do that. If they were ever true friends, maybe all is not lost and this is just a bump in your road of life. I hope so for you. If not, good for you for moving on. Stay strong. I am glad you have friends who are there for you.

Wow. You have just described PERFECTLY what my husband and I went through several weeks ago after the betrayal of a very, very close friend. Right down to the lessons learned amidst that awful, awful pain.

What didn’t kill You, surely will make You stronger. Be strong lady.
Never heard this song before. But, I know I will remember it and play it when facing trouble. I’ll be defying my own gravity too. Thanks for sharing. Hope everything turn out to be a lot better.

Miss Britt: That song has seen me through a lot lately. Especially when I know/knew that I was about to take off with something really amazing that just might silence the mob and couldn’t say a word about it. Music speaks louder than even the meanest, loudest voices out there! We’ll blast our iPods together!

This post has come at the right time for me to see. I am going through the ending of a close friend relationship myself. We are just different people now with different expectations and definitions of what friendship means. I have chosen not to settle..