Sunday, October 22, 2006

Fugue

I've written alot about anger and have given to naming it misogyny and misandry. Naming my feelings help me give a voice to the grievances.

With my recent missive about the southern belle, and our break-up/forgiveness- I felt she didn’t deserve the power behind my anger. That was my transgression. I did apologize to her for that. I had an inability to separate from powerful women-my mother and ex-wife. She got the full force of it. This is the reason why I apologized. I knew she didn’t deserve all my anger. This was a classic case of punishment not fitting the crime.

I understand how put off a woman would be with the heading "Southern Pussy"-it’s objectifying. Earlier, I couldn’t put a heading like that on anything female. I idealized women and I couldn’t see/didn’t want to see the abuses. For now, it may put people off, but I’m through stuffing my feelings. I hope my anger about this is tempered by placing it table for examination. It looks as if I paint a broad brush here but it deals with surviving abuse. In our psychological fog, we do what we do and continue to do what we do to survive abuse. Yet in our need to survive, tt results in heaping a lot of pain and suffering between people in order to get our needs met.

By giving a "voice” to the grievance and naming it misogyny and misandry-it helps me. Although my Southern Belle had her own brand of delivering pain and suffering, naming my stuff misogyny gave me the opportunity to see the abuse I gave her. Bringing feelings into focus helped me understand my reactions and acknowledge my part in coercion and manipulation. Also as an aside, the word "Fugue" helps me name what immobilizes me.

Still, I see how the heading "Southern Pussy" would take away from the message to women. It is more important for me now to share my feelings raw and uncensored-I’ve stuffed them long enough! By the way, the heading “Southern Pussy” was the name of the R&R band I saw Thursday at “Brick by Brick”. I did share it with the Southern Belle and we had a good laugh about.