Tuesday, September 30, 2008

As if he hasn't said enough by chapter one, Dr. West insists on discussing the Nervous Affections of Women throughout Maidenhood and Motherhood. There is plenty of opportunity for any woman to go over the deep end at any moment of her life. Puberty is the very earliest that a maiden might fall into the chasm of hysteria. Hysteria signifies womb, and, since only women suffer from hysteria it is determined that the development of the womb brings the maiden into the reach of this malady. And, good news, my hysterical readers - hysteria ceases after mature womanhood. I wish someone would have told me that sooner I could have avoided about 10 years of hysteria.

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You two! You evil men! You were late for tea and now see what you have done!:

The good Doctor has a perfectly legitimate explanation for the hysterical young maiden: "It is the result of her literary education; that her mental faculties are expanded beyond human powers of endurance by being placed alongside of her brothers in class and stimulated by their ambitious nature to emulation of them. The result is collapse and wreck. It has been demonstrated beyond the possibility of a doubt that though the mental faculties of woman are of a finer texture than those of men, they are composed of more "shreds" which make the mental chords equally strong and susceptible of even greater strains. ...She looks forward to hours or days of pain and anguish. In addition, overstimulating novels, matinee' entertainments, associating with hired Irish girls, and French bonnes are in part responsible for this malady in our young maidens."

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The Yellow Wallpaper:

General exhaustion, often accompanied by a nervous cough, palpitations, and a sense of suffocation can be treated with 3 drachms Citrate of Iron, 30 grains Quinine Sulphate, 3 drachms of Tincture of Nux Vomica and 3 ounces of water - 3 tsp. per day and she'll be in the pink in no time. Unless of course there is a relapse. Or she becomes engaged.

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Long engagements may lead to a debilitated condition of the system, exhaustion of nerve power and may lead to serious derangement. 3 months to a year is recommended for the nervous, excitable and passionate American Maidens.

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The planning of the wedding may put the maiden in danger of nervous excitement and exhaustion as will the marriage ceremony itself when she feels that all eyes are on her and every movement is watched.

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All this hair is just going to cause hairsteria:

The wedding banquet can lead to problems if eaten too late or the food is too rich for the bride who's circulation of the blood and digestive organs are in a fragile state due to the the strain of the aforementioned puberty, engagement and wedding planning. We've already talked about the dangers of the honeymoon, so we'll fore go that nightmarish duty and move on to the honeymoon tour. This may also affect her health. Many cases of permanent unhappiness and permanent ill health dating from the wedding journey come under the notice of all physicians. It's no wonder the wedding tour is not condemned all together!

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Here is an extreme case in point of my very own observation: Victor and 15 year old Maria Penasco were married on 12/10/1910. Victor was wealthy beyond belief and he and his little bride were very much in love. They took a 2 year tour of Europe financed by a constant flow of money from Victor's mom and Maria aka Pepita acquired among many other things, jewelry valued at about $400,000.00. Which is about $20.43 American by today's standards.

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They were in Paris in April of 1912, and they decided to finish off the honeymoon with a cruise. They took a first class cabin, C65, and sailed away with their maid Fermina in tow. The ship? Oh, it was the Titanic. Needless to say, with her maid and herself stowed safely aboard Life boat 8, Pepina was troubled with such hysteria that the Countess of Rothes handed over her steering duties at the tiller to her cousin so she could sit with Pepita and attempt to give her comfort. Pepita was in mourning for Victor for 6 years. At the end of this time she remarried, gave birth to 3 children and lived until April 3 1972. Each of those post Titanic highlights in her life gave new opportunity for hysteria and nervous conditions.

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A tranquil place to rest:

Another case in point regarding hysteria: Due to the summer's heat and being required by her father to eat 2 day old unrefrigerated mutton stew for breakfast resulted in the sad tale of the overwrought and overtaxed Lizzie Borden. Perhaps Dad should have shelled out the 2 cents or so it would have cost for 2 soft boiled eggs. Surely it would have prevented Lizzie Borden from axing her father and stepmother the question: Eggs? Couldn't I just have eggs?

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Lemme ax you a question, Pa:

Can I quit for now? I'm starting to feel like my overtaxed brain is shredding and I fear hysteria. We'll work on Motherhood later this week. There are so many reasons that a mother might become a dithering idiot (if she survives the wedding night) that I am concerned you will miss dinner if you continue to read.

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Oh - one post script: The good doctor observed that the women of the working class were not prone to rampant hysteria as are the leisure class for whom he wrote this book. Can I just say one thing to the young women who had nothing better to do than to listen to their hearts beat and count their respiration's per minute? Get a job or a hobby that includes distracting noise.

Alright - one more post script: Spanish law required a body be produced in order for an estate to be granted to the heirs. As happened with many of the souls lost with the Titanic, Victor's body was never recovered. A concerned brother of Pepita spoke with those involved with the recovery of the dead. Money exchanged hands, and voila! The remains of one of the unidentified male passengers became Victor. Pepita, the widow, received her inheritance.

Monday, September 29, 2008

I neglected to give the full title of Dr. West's book yesterday in my discussion about "you're going to put WHAT in WHAT?" The proper title is Maidenhood and Motherhood or Ten Phases of Woman's Life. The phases covered in this gem of a book published in 1887, include:

The Infant, The Child, Puberty, The Maiden, The Wife (if she survives the honeymoon); Maternity, Confinement (we'll get back to this); The Mother, Mature Womanhood and Celibacy (we'll definitely get back to this one)

Let me just say this about the chapter on Confinement. Those of you who have had a child in the last 30 years would be completely unfamiliar with this term. Insurance companies rule in all cases of hospitalization, treatment and recovery. You're lucky they don't hunt you down and toss you out of the hospital within 10 minutes of giving birth - along with any baby that just happens to be within reach at the time. (Just take it and get out. We'll deal with the rest later.) You're confined to the car on your ride home - that's you confinement. Take it or leave it..In the days of yore - all the way through the 1940's the woman was treated as though giving birth were an illness. Women of means, that is. The woman of little or no means did their thing, plunked the kid in a laundry basket and went back to work..My mother was given a ride home in an ambulance after the birth of her first child in 1944. This was a normal birth with no complications whatsoever. She was in the hospital for almost 2 weeks..According to the good doctor West on the subject of confinement:.It is highly recommended that "She must not get out of bed for at least nine days" and "the recumbent position for the mother should be most rigidly held and an upright position should be strictly enjoined for several days. Her shoulders must not leave the bed.".I could so that now if I want to.

The mother of means actually had several people to attend to her every need. And bring the baby to her when it was hungry. And make the husband a sandwich now and again while he mulled over the whole mystery of the baby thing. (How do you suppose that all happened? And why did she have a girl? I told her I wanted a boy, and Heck, I don't suppose she's going to want to... uhm...you know....for a while)

Let's move on to Dr. West's ideas on Spinsterhood. Turn to page 547, Celibacy, Advantages and Disadvantages. He appears to be assuming celibacy here for some reason. I can't really think of any good ones. Can you?

The chapter begins with "It is not good for man to be alone." So you know where he's going with this. He is kind enough to discuss both sides of the issue. The advantages include: Escaping the drudgery of a house hold, the liberty to come and go as she will, and escaping the pains and dangers peculiar to maternity and the ravages such trials make upon the system. Plus if she wants she can be a teacher of a stenographer.

Now the disadvantages are many. Consider these few from his list if you will:

1 She cannot remain young - where married woman never grow old in mind.

2 The acid disposition and censorious spirit is attributed to the spinster of 40 or more.

3 She takes the risk of becoming sour, exacting, and disagreeable.

4 She misses out of the profundity of happiness which comes to the wife and mother.

5 misses out of the serene calmness and holy joy of the wife and mother.

Don't you just like totally agree with everything he said? Me neither. Especially the calmness and holy joy of the wife and mother. There may be a few days of that here and there, but raving maniac comes to mind on some of the other days. And then there's laundry day and I need 42 cupcakes for my class tomorrow, Mom, day.

Oh, sorry - I may be getting ahead of myself. The good Doctor has pages and pages of discussions about the kinds of hysteria that women are prone to. And there are many. I can agree with that. I may get hysterical a little later today if I feel like it. Like if my pasta doesn't come out au dente at dinner time or if we are going to be watching Monday night football tonight.

So. This important information is in a book, on a printed page and I felt obliged to share it with you. You may now go on with your serene day laden with the joy of the delightful tasks of homemaking, motherhood and tracking down Dr. West so we can hang him from a tree at dawn. I'll bring the tar and feathers and a sheet cake.

We'll discuss Puerperal Insanity and Insanity of Lactation along with the 34 other insanities and the trestment thereof that can be easily achieved during Maidenhood and Motherhood at a later time.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Soulbrush and Karla are two of my very newest blog buddies. They both participated in our Indian Summer Picnic and joined in on all of the fun and frolic of the day! It was fun spending time with you and I enjoy my regular visits to your imaginative blogs. Thank you, Soulbrush and thank you Karla!

I saw no information limiting or "un-limiting" the artistic bloggie buddies that I may award this to. If I may, I would like to share this with the following bloggie buddies who each in your own way brighten my day with your delightful artful blogs: Willow, Lavinia, Stevie, Shelly, Janeen, Kalianne, Trish, Sharon, Marie, Betsy, Bibi, Poeticat and Aunt Jo.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Ah! The Victorian Age. A time when the the goal of the young Victorian woman was to be a useful, engaging and ornamental member of society through the acquirement of the arts and graces. And to marry! Attracting a man by a dainty habit, perhaps, or a roguish eye charmed by a graceful form and carriage. My heart be still. Until now she has contented herself and enjoyed the blessed privileges of a girl in the domicile of her mother but now she is ready to venture into an experience to which she is totally uninformed and blissfully ignorant. Mother dear certainly didn't tell her. She may have hinted at an exalted bonding, an intimacy of two natures perhaps. But that's it. The rest is a complete surprise.

So she spends her long engagement filling her hope chest with linens, nightgowns, intimate underthings, handkerchiefs and then finally the big day arrives.

A blushing and virginal Elvira Cathreena Winsome Findley is wed to Mr. Thurston Edward Alphonse Beauregard IV and is swept away for a three month honeymoon abroad. But the ship doesn't sail until tomorrow and at the Quintessimal Hotel Missus Elvira Findley Beauregard is carried into the bridal suite. Her husband whispers in her ear and she replies: You're going to do WHAT with WHAT?

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This is where a copy of "Maidenhood And Motherhood"by John D. West, M.D. (Copyright 1886) comes in very handy. Not for the new missus though. Although the subject of the wedding night is alluded to in the book on several occasions it completely ignores the part about "You're going to do What with What?" So, the bride should bring along her copy, sit the new Mister down at the tea table and read him the chapter on Physical and Moral Effects of Excess. Zero in on the paragraph that reads:

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"Sometimes the young husband inflicts upon the newly made wife, whom he has so recently pledged himself to cherish and protect, very grave physical injuries from which long years of skillful treatment may not entirely free her. A case in point may not be amiss: It is that of a young woman, apparently blessed with all the charms of youth, beauty and health. She was wooed won and eventually married to a young man who had lost a former wife in death. Immediately subsequent to the marriage, the pair started on the conventional wedding tour, which in this instance, lasted only a fortnight. At the end of this time they returned home, but alas, the young wife was a hopeless imbecile, a dithering idiot - a victim to her husband's unrestrained impetuosity."

Lordy! The pour innocent girl - like a lamb to the slaughter. Returned to her doting mother just a figment of the robust, ill advised, uninformed person who left the household 14 days beforehand.

A lesson to you mother's out there: if you cannot, due to your own delicate nature explain the stork and the cabbage patch to your daughters, at least make sure that Sirilla the upstairs maid is instructed to let her know a thing or two! Just say to Sirella: And, if you don't, missy, I shall see to it that randy Tommy Perkins in the milk house is moved to the farm up at Glinsburry. I know what you've been up to, now don't I???

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Before we leave this lovely nostalgic chit-chat, let me clarify that Victorian ailment "The Vapors"

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The English version is The Vapours" Just like color and colour. Cool.

The vapors is not a case of flatulence. No, it's not. Is not! Iiiiiiisssssssss NOT! Lalalalalala I can't heeeere youuuuu!

It is used to describe a hysterical or nervous condition of a woman, sometimes caused by a exhalation of vapors within a organ which will affect the mental or physical being of a woman. Men don't get vapors. It is a woman thing. Probably associated with PMS, postpartum depression, having to listen to Tom Cruise say that a woman should just get over it.

For your convenience I have included a picture that describes what may happen in extreme cases of the vapors when, for example, the husband has a case of morbid flatulence and won't leave the room forthwith.

Friday, September 26, 2008

If I forget to blog for the next zillion days it's because I haveDennis Lehane'snewest book, The Given Day. The Mister and I toddled off to the the bookstore this morning. I've been waiting for this for 4 years! It's finally on the bookshelves. You may recall my telling about this book in my Six Degrees of Separation post in August. Dennis is a wonderful writer. His novels, Mystic River and Shutter Island preceded this one.

Click on his name, or on the book to find out more about it. I've heard him read excerpts and know he was already writing it four years ago when I attended his Contemporary Novels workshop at the first Writer's In Paradise at Eckerd College. This is not a commercial - I just don't want you to miss out on a great novel.

I'll set my alarm so I won't forget to blog - or feed the dogs- or eat dinner, and I promise not to give away the ending. If you need me for anything, I'll be the one curled up on the sofa with my nose in a book!

Many moons ago, when my daughter Jennifer was headed out the door, I would always tell her to watch out for mashers. (I don't know when I first came across the word - probably a very old movie. W. C. Fields comes to mind here.) I thought it was good advice. Besides, I just like saying the word masher.

If Jennifer ever ran into a masher she didn't report back. She did run into a sleaseball at Books-A-Million once and reported back on that, but sleazeballs are in a whole 'nother league, don't you think?

You may very well wonder what a masher is. The (slang) word masher came in use around 1860. It probably went out of common use around 80 to 100 years ago, for all I know, but it's a wonderful word and I still use it.

There are several definitions for masher.

Dictionary.com: a man who makes advances, esp. to women he does not know, with a view to physical intimacy.

American Heritage Dictionary: A man who attempts to force his attentions on a woman. On the notion of "pressing one's attentions,"

Word Net: a man who is aggressive in making amorous advances to women, Synonym: wolf

Webster: A man who persistently makes overtures to women unacquainted with him.

The 1960's TV program Laugh In had a perfect example of a masher. Ruth Buzzy and Arte Shaw appeared in skits as Gladys and LaMonte. Gladys, who appeared to be virginal and untouched by human hands, would be sitting on a park bench, minding her own business. LaMonte, a confident dirty old man of the world, would come along, sit down next to her and attempt to strike up a conversation. Gladys would hit him with her purse and slide over a bit. LaMonte would persist. He would slide ever closer and in his gravelly voice, make offers of some sort of tete-a-tete. Gladys would respond with disgust, adjust her clothing more closely about her and hit him with her purse. She would slide even further over on the bench.LaMonte, undaunted by her lack of willingness, and dazzled perhaps by her fresh beauty, would sidle over to her and continue with suggestions of intimacy. Gladys would let him have it again. Eventually LaMonte thought better of continuing his pursuit. Usually due to unconsciousness.I don't know about you, but I for one don't see mashers on the same level of sleazeballs. To prove this to myself I looked up sleazeball. There were two definitions in Wicktionary: Sleaze bag and cad. That's odd, I thought, because I had not thought of a cad as being at the same level of slimeyness as a sleazeball, have you? So I looked up cad. Hold on to your seats for this one:

Cad: 1) One who stands at the door of an omnibus to receive fares. An idle hanger on about innyards. Short for caddie. (Why I believe I am suddenly swept over to the land of the Queen!)2) a low bred presuming person. A mean vulgar fellow. A seducer.

The second definition sounds more like a libertine, doesn't it?

What ever. I'm getting away from myself here. I guess what I'm trying to say is: Watch out for mashers, now that you know what they are, and have a lovely day!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

had a busy day today! I help out at the church office on Wednesdays and I also spend time with my Bible Posse in the evening, intersperced with a quick dinner and time for Lucy the dog to play in the pool.

Lacking a major subject of huge importance to write about, I did a poll of 10 semi- random people today. It was kind of a sanity check to see if, when I generalize about Americans being geographically challenged, I'm not giving us a bad rap. ( See yesterday's blog about Zeeland)

I asked each of these 10 people one of the following questions:

Have you ever heard of Zeeland - orWhere is Zeeland

7 replied: Don't you mean New Zealand1 replied: I don't know but it's probably very far away1 replied: Never heard of it1 replied: I've heard of it, but only because I lived in Holland for 3 years.

So there it is.

I am not giving us a bum rap. It's a true statement, general or not. Whatever. That's why we have Atlases, National Geographic and travel agents. Oh, and Wikipedia, thank goodness.

With all of these resources available to us we can at least can say: Well, lemme just check on that and I'll get back to ya'll in a sec. Taking time to check a resource or call a smart friend would be a much better reply than "Don't you mean New Zealand?" Or stating that thecapital of Australiais Perth which is another whole subject in and of itself.

So, America, lets pull ourselves up by the bootstraps and unite on this one item. When asked a geography question let's all just pretend we have some important thing we have to attend to and say: Well, lemme just check on that and I'll get back to ya'll in a sec.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

A big thank you to the picnic clean-up committee! A job well done and an extra pat on the back for your inventiveness. By putting our trash right on top of the NO DUMPING sign we will probably not be at risk of prosecution!

Also a really big thank you to the dog wash committee - they sure needed it after a day at the park! Those of us who brought our pets are very appreciative of your hard work!

Lost and Found

We have a few lost items - if you know the whereabouts of these items please reply:

1 large canning pot - last seen being used in lieu of shelling out the bucks to rent a kayak.

4 rolls of Saran Wrap - the product is a French import and the language on the pkg is French

1 sky blue patent leather dog booty. size: Bebbers

1 coon skin cap - last seen being used as target for pumpkin seed spitting contest

2 picnic baskets - last seen being used to house a peace pipe, a box of graham crackers and 3 bottles of raspberry cordial

1 Amish Carriage - Trish had to call a cab and also explain to the Von Fossil family why their only mode of transportation was not returned.

1 white straw picture hat - last seen being used in Frisbee Game

1 SWM Park Ranger named Mr. Peck. - last seen...well you know who you are, it's time to give him back. He's scheduled to work the midnight shift tonight.

The very handsome Mr. Peck.

Geographical Clarification:A little geographical clarification for the Americans attending yesterday's picnic. As you all know, Americans are notoriously geographically challenged. And proud of it. The 3 main reasons for this inherent problem are:

1) sleeping through geography class2) countries often change their names and we are not personally notified3) plate tectonics constantly move countries, continents and major cities at random.

My reason for bringing this up is, we enjoyed the company of several people from Zeeland yesterday. The Americans were understandably confused. They thought the visitors were from NEW Zealand and they just don't say NEW when speaking of their homeland. The visitors were asked several questions about kiwi birds and kiwi fruit. There is in fact a province called Zeeland - which means sea land in Dutch. It is located in the Netherlands. The four fingers of land in the SW corner by Vlissingen is the province of Zeeland.

There is, of course, a country called New Zealand. I was surprised to find it is still located over by Australia. The Dutch originally named it Zeeland and then somewhere along the line they added the NEW and then made a typo that was never corrected and now it is New Zealand. Somehow the Brits got hold of the place and now the Chief in Command is Queen Elizabeth - much to the chagrin of the Maori people who have always thought they owned the place.

Here is a map of New Zealand

Here is a lovely picture of Queen Elizabeth.

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Now those of you who like to get technical about everything, it's true there may very well be kiwi birds and kiwi fruit in Zeeland but those can only be seen in supermarkets and zoos. They do not grow wild in Zeeland.

Monday, September 22, 2008

The picnic was wonderful! It appears as though everyone enjoyed the day! We met new friends, ate fabulous food, listened to music, poetry and enjoyed artwork created for the day. We've been all over the world and now that the sun has set we are warming ourselves at a bonfire while we watch fireworks and sip cherry cordials! What a grand plan and what a lovely day! Thank you everyone who participated as well as the many friends who stopped by for lunch and games!

I think I have tired out the comments feature - my computer started freezing up every time I attempt to leave one. So for the rest of the evening I'll sit here - with my partially frozen computer - by the bonfire while we watch fireworks and sing camp songs. Stay as long as you like and come by in the morning - someone mentioned a sleep over and cinnamon rolls just before I started having computer problems. I just happen to have my jammies with me - so although you may not hear from me - thanks to the computer - I'll be singing along and having a wonderful time! Enjoy!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

It's Indian Summer and the first day of Autumn! What better way to celebrate the day than a picnic under the brilliantly colored trees!

I live in Florida where one season just blends into the next. If it is cold outside it must be winter. If it's hot, well, it could be any day of the year. So I've created the magic of autumn! The picnic table is ready - it's right under the maple trees!

Just over the hill is a beautiful pond dappled with sunshine and waterlilies! We can cool the cider here!

Can't you just smell the apples? They are as crisp as the autumn air and they still smell of sunshine.

Sit down and enjoy an apple while I unpack the picnic basket.

Did you come in the wagon? We can use it for a hay ride later today.

Everything is laid out for you. Make yourself comfortable and let's eat. We'll start with some delicious pumpkin soup with roasted pumpkin seeds. Tastes like autumn! I didn't use too much salt, did I?

The vegetables are roasted corn and oven roasted potatoes with olive oil, lemon, fresh rosemary and salt and pepper. They're so easy to make and the lemon gives them a tangy flavor.

To make the potatoes: I just washed and cut the potatoes and put them in a bowl with 1/4 cup olive oil, about 2 tablespoons of chopped fresh rosemary, a tablespoon of fresh lemon juice, and sea salt and fresh ground pepper to taste. Stir the potatoes so they are evenly covered with the oil and seasonings. Then you put the potatoes in a baking pan - single layer - and bake them at 375 for about 20 to 30 minutes. Stir them 2 or three times while baking so most of the cut sides are browned. That's it!

I hope you have room for dessert and coffee!

Will you try a piece of maple pecan pie. The north and south kind of meet in this dessert, don't they?

Another choice, if you prefer, is a baked pear with maple syrup, raisins and pecans. No calories in this one. Oh and a pumpkin cappuccino!

I couldn't eat another bite either! I'm glad you enjoyed lunch. Ready for some fun? We have a big day ahead of us! We'll be travelling all over the US and the world today including Serbia, Australia, Turkey, France and our neighbors in Canada! This picnic may have already started in some time zones and it will continue all day and evening. Are you ready?? Let's go!

Hop in my airplane - there's plenty of room.

Put on your goggles and one of these wonderful silk scarves.

We're on our way! All of these bloggy buddies are hosting this picnic too- just click on the names and you'll be there before you know it! I've listed them in semi-alphabetical order. Sort of.