Don’t Panic, But The UK Is Facing A Major Sperm Shortage

Why am I sitting here writing this? I need to get working on chartering a ship (because I don’t trust a plane), packing a suitcase, and getting my ass to a UK sperm bank because there seems to be a bit of a shortage. From BBC:

The UK is facing a major sperm shortage that may be tempting fertility clinics to accept poorer quality sperm, the British Fertility Society (BFS) warns.

Some clinics rely on imported sperm to keep up with demand. However, the BFS chairman, Dr Allan Pacey, said he was “worried” that some clinics may be setting a lower bar to “get donors through the door”.

He said woman may be subjected to more invasive and expensive techniques if poor-quality sperm were used.

There are thought to have been fewer sperm donors after the right to anonymity was removed in 2005.

The demand for donors has been falling as advances in fertility treatment let more men father their own children. However, a shortage of donors has still emerged.

I look at it like this: If bars are being lowered, there’s no reason myself and the rest of my freak, troll brethren can’t go in and make ourselves a little cash. Sure we might be sparking the birth of new scumbags, murderers, and carnival workers. Sure there could be an accident on the way to the sperm bank and all could be lost. There might even be a shortage of cups at some point.

The good outweighs any bad there could be. Give me a chance to apply my craft. I’m not good at much in this world and this could be my only chance to shine. Give me a ham sandwich and a supply of Gatorade and I’ll fill your reserves. Just have to hope it doesn’t lead to some Children of Men scenario.

Fact: Sperm banks generally do not accept sperm donors under 5-11. Women don’t like no shorties. However, if something like this causes them to be less picky, it sure would be ncie for my short ass to be able to make some extra cash. Lord knows the average pay for short guys isn’t getting me outta my parents basement anytime soon either.