Dan Quinn appears to be many things. Ex-football player. Would-be professional MMA fighter. Scientist. Owner of zero shirts. Future richest man of all fuck. He’s like Kenny Powers crossed with Sexman crossed with all of your boyfriends ever. Kind of NSFW audio, so headphones UP. And you might want to have a box of Kleenex at the ready, because he actually cries around minute six, but you will be in tears much sooner. TEARS OF MARRIAGE!

Someone make a Dan Quinn soundboard, please. The guy is like a quote factory. And at night, the midnight shift makes bad ideas. Overtime. After the jump, a video in which Dan Quinn, Medicine Man, demonstrates the scientific discovery that is going to make him the richest man in the world. SPOILER ALERT it involves a bunch of blenders.