DENVER, Colorado — At 35,000 feet this morning, eight imams were ejected from a flight bound to Dallas from Missoula after passengers noticed them standing in prayer, donning headbands with pithy jihadist sayings printed upon them, and one of them pulling down his pants. The flight made an emergency landing in Denver and the passengers were rushed to area hospitals.

Concerned passengers informed the flight crew, who, along with a small mob of angry passengers, confronted the imams.

"That was when the one with his pants down started releasing poison gas from his anus", said a frightened passenger.

A group of Real Americans onboard the plane opened a hatch to release the gas from the plane and threw the imams out at roughly 35,000 feet before they could release more poison gas.

The group has been linked to Al-Quida, yet nobody knows why the enhanced scrutiny of muslims, who are all on the Department of Homeland Security's "No-Fly" list, didn't stop the eight men with guts full of poison gas from entering the plane.

"This is a departure from known methods used by Al-Quida, and we will respond accordingly with full cavity searches", said a spokesman for the Department of Homeland Security, [the imams] "had malicious intent, but thanks to the quick thinking of the passengers and crew, there were no fatalities."

'Growing Problem'

Due to new restrictions and screening procedures, muslims have resorted to more difficult to detect methods of transporting prohibited materials onto planes. This comes a month after a similar incident involving claims of religious discrimination forced the Department of Homeland Security to allow halal food to be carried onto planes and a pie-throwing match broke out which required an emergency landing.