A unique blog dedicated to covering the worlds of book publishing and the news media, revealing creative ideas, practical strategies, interesting stories, and provocative opinions. Along the way, discover savvy but entertaining insights on book marketing, public relations, branding, and advertising from a veteran of two decades in the industry of book publishing publicity and marketing.

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Wednesday, August 13, 2014

No One Could Have Saved Robin Williams, Not Even Himself

Robin
Williams made a career of ”killing it” – but this time he killed himself and no
one is laughing. He delivered his worst punchline
to a life of countless jokes and laughs.
His final billing? “Star comic quits on life.” There’s nothing funny
about suicide, nothing to be salvaged in this tragedy. For nearly four decades
he entertained America with comedy shows, movies, and television shows. But his
voice has now been silenced, not by critics, but by his own hand. I used to
love him, now I am just angry at him.

I
know I don’t have a right to be angry. Although he killed himself, one has to
realize it wasn’t really his decision. His depression and addiction made the
choice for him. Obviously no sane person chooses to die. But it seems like what
he did is so at odds to what he spent his life doing – cheering people up and
bringing joy where there was sadness. Couldn’t he just laugh at his own jokes?
If only it were that simple.

Most
of us get down and feel at times that life is frustrating and challenging, but
we don’t let those momentary feelings of
pain or even suffering go any further. We may be angry with the world,
disappointed in ourselves, feeling bothered over the people in our lives, or dealing with a loss or setback – but we find a way to fight on, to live another
day. Life may not look so good today, but it could be better tomorrow, or so
we tell ourselves. But for people like
Williams, they struggle to cope with life. Even someone as successful as he was,
someone with a loving family, and resources, he couldn’t self-medicate his
depression.

No
one is perfect and no one asks to be a hero or role model, but he was such a
vibrant talent and to see him just end it all this way makes us all feel
frustrated. He showed us how to laugh and now he shows us how to cry.

I
love comedy and respect those who practice the art of making others smile even
when life gives them little reason to laugh. He did it better than most. He was
not creepy like Woody Allen or bitter like George Carlin or apple pie like
Jerry Seinfeld or vulgar like Eddie Murphy or glum like CK Louis. He was witty,
quick-tongued, great with impressions, the master at having a one-person
conversation with himself, and had 10,000 watts of energy when on stage. He
spoke at a frenetic pace and seemed ready to leap out of his own skin. But he
seemed humble and void of ego.

He
died too young – only 63. But worse, it is how he died that is so distressing.
Couldn’t a smart man with things to live for, someone with Emmys, Oscars and
Golden Globes, find a way to survive and live another day? Maybe he was
supposed to die years ago and it was only through his inner strength, support,
and luck that he lasted this long. Still, if he made it this far – battling addiction
and depression for so many years, why did he snap now? Why did he finally give up?

Perhaps
it’s no coincidence he died by hanging himself. It is a quiet way to go. No gun
noises. No dramatic leaps off a bridge. No car accidents. But to asphyxiate
seems like he was saying he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t voice what it was that
afflicted him. He perhaps didn’t know any better than we will ever know why he
felt he no longer should be walking this earth.

The
details of why he did it or the methods employed don’t really matter. He is
dead and gone forever. That is the only fact to absorb.

Maybe
what troubled him and formed him into who he was is what fueled his
comedy. So many comics are sad people,
dark inside once the stage lights shut down.
Like clowns who paint smiles onto the faces of depressed souls, comics
like Williams just laugh through their screams and smile over their raging
reeling of loneliness and emptiness.
Maybe we shouldn’t laugh at a comedian.
What they need more than applause is a therapist or an intervention.

He’s
not the first to die before his time in the entertainment world. Music, Hollywood and publishing are littered
with suicides and accidental overdoses of booze, pills, coke, heroin and the
addiction of choice. Wasn’t it recently that
we lost Philip Seymour Hoffman? There
will be others, big names and famous people, who will collapse under the weight
of fame or worse, of a broken childhood, a bad marriage, a stumble in their
career, or just cave under the weakening of their soul by the chronic condition
known as life.

Just
thinking about all this makes you want to put a bullet to your head, but then,
if you’re like me, you begin to feed off the sympathy or pity and you
transition into feeling anger. All I
want is to fight back, but there’s no one to punch or argue with. But we each fight for life, making a choice
every day to live by not choosing to die.

Few
people can make you laugh throughout an entire standup routine, a TV interview,
or a show, but he could. Few can make
you feel alive the way he did, and to do it from the beginning to the end of a
lengthy career, without lightening up.
Such a talent, such a marvel.
Such a waste.

Now
his death serves as a public service announcement for depression, mental
illness, and addiction. If a man with
all that he had to live for – and all that he had to help him live – couldn’t
defeat the demons that whispered and tugged at him, who stands a chance?

But
many of us say to ourselves, “No matter how bad things are, they’ll get
better.” We find a way to believe, hope,
and persevere. We may confront loss, pain,
evil, and horror – at whatever level each of us confronts such things – but the
vast majority do not just pack it in. We
fight on. For Williams, he just said to
himself “No matter how things are today, they’ll be worse tomorrow.”

So
how does a man who literally made millions laugh and feel better about life not
have the will, conviction, or desire to keep on going? Instead of hanging in there, he just was
hanging… there.

He
knew how to make a grand entrance, and now he made a grand exit. He found a way into our homes and
hearts. Humor became our addiction and
now he has cut off our supply. The funny
man laughs no more and all we can do is cry without tears.

Williams left us a legacy. Who doesn’t
enjoy Dead Poets Society, Mrs. Doubtfire, Good Will Hunting, Awakenings, Good
Morning, Vietnam, and so many other movies of Williams? If you can find his old comedy specials on
HBO and TV, you’ll laugh your head off.

But
right now I only want to scream. I want
him to be alive so I could tell him to stick around for another day and then to
repeat this request each day until it was no longer needed. But he made a choice, even if he felt like
he’d run out of choices. And he didn’t
choose well.

My
uncle killed himself when he was just 32.
I was five at the time. That
event defined, to a degree, my views on life.
I understood at an early age how one can think – even be convinced –
that life sucked and was no longer worth living. But I also understood that living beats
dying, that time heals, and that new opportunities will come your way. Life is a choice and I can’t see choosing
anything better than to live.

My
dad has suffered from a bipolar disorder for nearly 35 years but luckily he
gets the help when it acts up and responds well to treatment, medication and
therapy. But millions of people really struggle with life – whether diagnosed
with an illness or not. Life can be very hard, especially when we are hard on
ourselves.

I
don’t know that Robin Williams could have avoided his fate. We can’t save everyone,
we can’t prevent every bad act, we can’t heal all who are wounded. We try to.
And we succeed many times but many slip through and just lose. Millions of
people are addicted, homeless, in jail or dead because of mental illness and an
inability to cope, find support, or get the needed help. The suicide rate
doubles our homicide rate. Think about it. We are twice the danger to ourselves
than others pose to us. Over 38,300 people took their lives this past year.
Williams is just the latest and best known to have done so. I
want to be angry at Williams and blame him, but I can’t. It’s not his fault. It’s
not society’s fault either. Bad things happen in life. We’d like to feel we can
save the world but the truth is we cannot. It doesn’t mean we give up trying –
we can help more people than we realize. But some people, even someone as seemingly
happy and successful as Williams was, know when to leave the stage. Perhaps his
death will save others and throw a spotlight of understanding and resources to
tackle mental illness. But we know we will revisit this soon, with another
celebrity, star athlete or ordinary dad or teenager. And we will need more comics like Williams to
help us get over their loss.

About Me

Brian Feinblum, the creator and author of BookMarketingBuzzBlog, is the chief marketing officer for the nation's largest book promotions firm, Media Connect (www.Media-Connect.com), formerly Planned Television Arts, and has been involved in book publicity and marketing since 1989. He has served several book publishing companies as a publicist, book editor, and acquisitions editor. Brian, who earned a BA in English from Brooklyn College, became a published author in 1995 when he penned The Florida Homeowner, Condo and Co-Op Handbook. He resides in Westchester, New York with his wife, two young children, and an English Bulldog.