Tuesday, October 12, 2004

A Review of the F-Town Suicide

To comprehend the devestating combination of drugs one must first understand that there are really only two items necessary to employ the F-Town Suicide:
and but you'll need more herbs than that if yer doin' it right.
Anyhoo, I'm just going to assume you know how to roll a blunt and what one is, but if you are curious or need instructions I got that on lock.
Purchase a big bottle of Jim Beam whiskey and procure some herbals from your favorite dealer. We used to prefer Big Swan Gotti but if you don't have some white-kid wanna-be-thug who listens to Three-Six-Mafia and has fat rolls on his neck that make the back of his head look like a pack of franks then go find your own connection. Swan Gotti used to hook us up back in the day even if his product was questionable (Swan Gotti:"Dude, this shit is apple-bud...smells like apples see? $30 an eighth!" Me: "$20 or no deal." Swan: "Sold."). But he introduced me and my crew to the F-Town Suicide so I'll let his past transgressions slide just for nostalgic purposes. Which finally brings us to the main idea: Just what is an F-Town Suicide?
F-Town refers to the small town of Fairland, Indiana about 30 miles SouthEast of Indianapolis that gave birth to the innovative minds that created this ticket to an early demise (before 30).
I suspect the suicide is an unconcious nod to the final destination of most residents in said town. The F-Town Suicide is really just a concentrated version of the inebriation-cycle that most residents of Fairland eventually lapse into. Instead of accumulating a life-time of ailments stemming from your appetite for destruction you can go ahead and cut-corners by trying the F-Town Suicide as an expressway to your eventual heart-failure.
An F-Town Suicide is a process to get you fuuuuuuuucked up. There's just a few steps:
Once you have procured your illicit substances and created a blunt then you are ready to rock.
And on a side note, the F-Town Suicide is never done alone. There must be at least two people present for the event to be counted as an F-Town Suicide. Besides, why would you want to do the F-Town Suicide alone? No one can see you in all your glory if you are alone (this will make sense as I explain further...).
First: Light that blunt. Smoke it up. Pass it around the cypher once so that it's really burning by the time it gets back to you. Now that it's roaring, proceed to step two...
Second: Take a big pull off that blunt and hold it in.
Third: Open the bottle of Jim Beam and place the bottle to your lips (without exhaling).
Forth: Guzzle down as much whiskey as you possibly can by tipping the bottle upwards towards the heavens so God can smile on your foolishness.
Fifth: Finish your swig, and as you do so, exhale your THC-payload, which should envelop you in a haze of bluish-yellow blunt smoke that will impress novice-weed-smokers.
Sixth: Repeat until either substance is gone or until you die at 29-years-of-age on the toilet.

And there you have it: The F-Town Suicide, preferred method of intoxication for every Fairland resident with aspirations of owning their own barbershop (I swear to God, that's all those dudes talked about doing...). I myself have never tried the F-Town Suicide because I hate whiskey, but I do support and condone it's use and abuse because the usual knuckle-heads who love this sort of shit don't really need to reproduce, so if they consume a heavy amount of whiskey and marijuana their libidos will be easily defeated before they can get a chance to reproduce. In the interests of all humanity I encourage the reproduction of the above description as a Public-Service-Announcement to be distibuted amongst the masses because mystuntedgrowth is for the children. Thank you all for your attention. Expect another update soon...
*out!*