It Hurts Too Much

Her abuse of my naivety left a gaping wound; the cloaking (but never healing) of that wound made me hard and cold.

​She was sweet and sincere She dried my tears She was sympathetic And somewhat poetic She drew me in And I told her everything She was pretty She hailed from the city She was fun and smart I was stunned and I gave her my heart

I was … proud, yeah, proud So proud that I vowed ‘I’ll give everything I’ve got Every single day, nonstop I’ll put her happiness and health above all else I’ll be dutiful Tell her she’s beautiful Make her feel good Just as a great partner should I’ll always believe in her I’ll never ever leave her I’ll do everything right I’ll fight and fight and fight If times get rough And we go through a patch that’s tough I won’t give up on her and us’

I went through a lot so we could be together She said once I was free she’d be mine forever She smiled and held me tight And told me everything would be alright Then she turned around And kicked me while I was down She left me alone for reasons unknown She wound up coming back to me Saying it was ‘meant to be’ That’s when I knew in my heart That the anguish was gonna start

I thanked the Lord above I praised God every day But it wasn’t enough to make her stay She said she was in love with me She’d never say goodbye Now I sit and cry when I think of how she lied

She started to avoid me Knowing it would destroy me Ignoring me for the slightest reason Torturing me for the slightest grievance You see I lied to myself and everyone else Hurting and pretending Praying for a happy ending All the suspicions I shoved aside All the seething hurt I tried to hide

Thrown into despair by her lack of care Living in a world of agony and fear Closing my eyes to things I started to hear The red flags I ignored as my anxiety soared Right through the roof Closed my eyes to the proof That she flaunted in my face The evil way she let me know that I had been replaced Constructing excuses for her in my head Shutting down a mind that was so full of dread Delusion and confusion Keeping my mouth closed tight to avoid a fight Because I knew that it would be our last And I didn’t want to be relegated to her past

Crying every lonely night I spent alone Weeping and wondering where she’d really gone Waiting for the phone to ring Driven mad by imagining She took advantage of my loyalty With her cold casual cruelty Slandering me and shaming my name While saying to my face that we were okay That my fears were null and void And that I was just paranoid

I always thought ‘Just one more day She’ll feel better tomorrow She’ll be sorry for all of that sorrow’

But tomorrow never came And she said that I was the one to blame She played with me like a toy That she wanted to destroy She couldn’t tell me we were finished She strung me along until my soul diminished Diminished and died under the weight of her lies I could see goodbye in her eyes So I got on my knees and begged her to stay She wouldn’t listen to what I was trying to say

I needed her for myself Knew I’d never make it if she went with someone else She knew I needed her so But she still turned to go She walked out the door As she had done so many times before

She hurt my pride I felt sick inside Now I’ve been left to pine I realise my efforts were a waste of time And I can’t deny that I’ve been disgraced Now that the truth has been thrown in my face But if I had just one wish It would be that things had never come to this Because only she will ever know How tough it’s been to let her go I’ve been waiting for such a long time Dreaming of something that can never be mine

So there’s no anniversary But I see her in too many memories Smiling in the back of the car Whispering ‘Baby you’re a star’ Holding my hand so tight Singing softly Getting every word right

One moment she was here The very next she had disappeared And she glows like a vision under the city streetlights That burn too harshly and burn too bright But I’m over here And she’s over there And she just doesn’t care So I close my mind at night to forget her and the pain that begets her

Beautiful poem delineating a deserted person’s life. Till the end it remained a mystery to me that it has been penned by a woman! And at the end when I neared your introduction, spontaneous smile with awe gripped me. well done Ms Jaimi Jones…….

Poems you may like :

Lessons and learnings exist in stories and tales ; in trees and flowers ; in oceans and whales ; But to no avail, Till we realise life does not move from milestone to milestone, But crawls through challenges and daily

She didn’t cry pretty. She cried like her tears were blood Flowing from the vein Where the shards of glass Were put to ease the pain She didn’t cry pretty. She cried like it burns Like the first sip of

Puberty A time of confusion It feels like a delusion With no coordination No organisation Puberty A time to love and hate You grow at an alarming rate Many need someone to help motivate Others are a little bit late

Sometimes I wonder what’s it gonna be like without the one you once loved, yeah it’s gonna be hard your gonna experience the most pain probably in your life.. and your gonna think your not gonna find someone else.. and

This was an embryonic stimulus for a sprint. Knowledge itself has no legs. Can you run faster than thoughts? The sniper will take you in the open field. I had hoped to die in your arms. The podium was too