A wine grower and wine judge's view on the wine industry all around the world…with some life and fashion sprinkled in too…

The Rules, Part One

Dear World,

So, I have all these fascinating friends. When we go out for drinks or dinner or shopping, I would much rather hear about their adventures; their dating crises, their crappy marriages, the great deal they got on a pair of YSL stilettos or their highly classified gossip. So, what do my friends want to talk about?

No, not me. WINE. What do I know about it? What I can tell them about it? If they clip off a lock of my hair and wear it around their neck will they magically absorb my extensive wine knowledge?

I get texts at 1am about which wine to buy for after hours parties? Answer, Boone’s Farm. Question, why wasn’t I invited?

I get frantic calls from friends at restaurants wanting to know, RIGHT NOW, which wine is the best deal on the wine list? Answer, what are you eating and ask the Sommelier. If there is not one where you are dining… I totally know you are at The Crusty Crab and it’s ok to just go home and drink beer.

I get calls from friends at wineries in beautiful wine country…where they are paralyzed with having to make a choice about which wines to buy or which wineries to go to next? Answer, where are you? Question, why wasn’t I invited?

So, you say my friends are all malevolent jerks. Well, I must confess to you, dear World:

I’m not in it for the friends. So just deal with it.

I know that sounds coarse and heartbreaking and unfathomable given how caring and sweet a person I am but it is the plain truth. I have more acquaintances than friends. I am also patient enough to entertain these acquaintances long enough to put them on the path to Winedom which inevitably helps me out. The more you drink, the more job security I have. Although, I must confess that every once in a while I will get a shock to my system to find out someone I’ve only vaguely known, and have heretofore blacked out all conversations with, is quite intriguing and sometimes downright fetching!

I must also confess to you that I am often the one traipsing through vineyards, pondering life with winemakers, judging hundreds of wines, dining in fine restaurants, getting to know sommeliers and all around having a kick ass life!

To unwind I often write. And I think I’m going to be better at this Blogging endeavor than Lindsay Lohan is at Twittering…if that is what you want to call it.

Now, where was I? Oh yes. The Rules, Part One.

If you want to learn how to taste wine, just read my article at (on page 18):