1) Time for another episode of the Conservative Underground News of Twitter, with special thanks to my captive Twittwr cult member @TessHottenroth who I ply with offers of bourbon and snarky bullshit in exchange for research. The topic tonight: Goddamn Iranian Dams.

2) 'Iranian Dams? Damn, bro, whatchu talking 'bout?' Well, guess what Iran's 2nd biggest industry is after good ol' oil. If you guessed dams, well, damnitall, I shouldn't have given it away so quickly.

4) Well, it TURNS OUT, that the major force behind Iran's damn construction (at one point a new dam was being inaugurated every 45 days) is the usual suspects behind weird Iranian shit, the IRGC.

5) YYYYYYUP. On top of being a paramilitary force parallel to the actual Iranian military, the Hydra-esque organization behind the worlds dangerous terrorist groups like Al Qaeda, the Houthis, Hezbollah, Hamas, etc, AND controlling a parallel banking sector akin to a ponzi scheme

6) They ALSO through a series of dummy companies and other such financial malfeasance are into dam building on a massive scale, giving them control of water AND energy resources in Iran. So not that weird if you realize they're the despotic arm of the regime.

7) aei.org/publication/ir… This dam construction spree was how the IRGC was able to spread its influence worldwide, using fronts like Khatam al-Anbiya building dams in far off nations like Nicaragua and Equador as an excuse to export IRGC personnel to those nations.

10) Fine. The dumbassed, boneheaded, ill conceived move of the CENTURY which gave Iran tbe ability to export its second biggest industry and allow the IRGC to continue worldwide infiltration and destabilization, bringing home hard currency to a sanctions-fucked economy....

12) But WORRY NOT! See, for every winter, there is a spring, and for every spring, there is an uncomfortable ballsweat heavy summer where you'd rather die in a cold blizzard than spend another day under this goddamn sun.

13) See, as dam-happy as the IRGC is at building all those goddamn dams, mother nature herself decided to fuck Iran royal with a drought.

16) Side note, go rent hummers and do burnouts in parking lots and waste as much gas as possible. For freedom. Gotta help Iran break that record again this summer!

17) But on a slightly more serious note, this is about to go down right when Iran is facing issues of Iranian upoer class and regime officials are sending their money abroad as fast as fucking possible

19) (Remember when I said using your reserve currency to pay your security forces meant your currency was in for a bad time? Yeahhhhhh.)

20) And a Malta bank that was caught up laundering Iranian funds (going to South America. Go figure) has been completely shitcanned, trapping who knows how much Iranian money within it. theguardian.com/world/2018/mar…

21) Think this wasn't part of Trump's overall plan to deal with Iran? Then why did the FBI get involved right away in investigating the journalist killed in Malta? independent.com.mt/articles/2017-…

22) As I said earlier, for every winter, there is a spring, and for every spring there is a ballsweat hot ac is broken you have no ice and your sunglasses are broken summer. Mullahs are about to get theirs. /end

1) You're assuming Democrats act independently. This is incorrect. I understand why you might think this way, because that's how the GOP behaves, but there's a key difference between the GOP and the Dems.

1) Trump can, but does not want, to declare a national emergency in order to build the wall. It is a very nice position to be in, really, knowing that he can get what he wants one way or the other. But he still wants it to go through congress. Why?

2) Because he wants a Republican congress and senate again after 2020. Right now, he's on track to win 2020. He's an incumbent in a good economy, and right now the markets both like a deadlocked government AND is now immune to the shocks that plagued the Obama shutdowns.

3) But he can't have another round of House and Senate elections like what we saw for 2018. We didn't bleed as much as we could have and even edged out a gain in the Senate, and Trump's name will be on the ballot, but the GOP isn't going to save itself, they're incapable of it.

1) Who’s on the attack? Its a question that’s asked thousands of times every day. Usually its asked as ‘who’s the aggro deck’, when people are playing competitive card games, which is where I learned the concept.

2) Essentially, in a one on one competition, there are two strategies. Offense, and defense. Nice and simple. The offense aggresively goes after their goals, the defense will prevent their opponents from achieving their goals until the defense can achieve its goals.

3) Whoever does best at their strategy, wins.

So what happens when both competitors go into a match intending to be on the offense? What happens when both intend to be on the defense?

I bought a bird feeder. I hung it
on my back porch and filled it
with seed. What a beauty of
a bird feeder it was, as I filled it
lovingly with seed.
Within a week we had hundreds of birds
taking advantage of the
continuous flow of free and
easily accessible food.

But then the birds started
building nests in the boards
of the patio, above the table,
and next to the barbecue.

Then came the crap. It was
everywhere: on the patio tile,
the chairs, the table ...
everywhere!

Then some of the birds
turned mean. They would
dive bomb me and try to
peck me even though I had
fed them out of my own
pocket.

And others birds were
boisterous and loud. They
sat on the feeder and
squawked and screamed at
all hours of the day and night