Rep writers pick their favorite sports movies

Joe Scalzo

Sunday

Jul 8, 2018 at 12:00 PMJul 8, 2018 at 11:43 PM

Spoiler alert: "Major League" gets picked A LOT.

Back in 2003, a group of Sports Illustrated writers, presumably under the influence of several gallons of corn liquor, attempted to rank the 50 best sports movies of all time. What resulted was an atrocious list, and not just because “Major League” didn’t make the cut or because “Field of Dreams” was 38th, although both were unforgivable sins.

No, it was because SI had the audacity to rank “Bull Durham” No. 1, which is a little like saying Stan Musial was the best baseball player ever. You immediately forget that Stan Musial was a good player and instead focus on the 10 guys who were better. The difference is, unlike with Kevin Costner, we never had to watch Stan Musial paint anyone's toenails.

Look. “Bull Durham” is a good movie — with a couple moments of greatness — but it has two fatal flaws.

The biggest is that Tim Robbins (who plays pitcher Nuke LaLoosh) makes Doug Jones look like Randy Johnson, yet we’re supposed to believe he has one of the greatest arms in baseball history. (And while I'm venting, I'd like to note that Robert Redford has JV-level bat speed in "The Natural." This has nothing to do with "Bull Durham," but it needs to be said. And while I'm at it, that makeout scene in "Hoosiers" where Gene Hackman tries to push his lips through Barbara Hershey's mouth? Yeeeech.)

The second flaw is that the last 10 minutes are just awful. At one point — and I’m sorry if anyone is eating breakfast right now — they show Kevin Costner and Susan Sarandon adding to their home run total while in a bathtub. And all I could think was, "WHO ASKED FOR THIS? WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS SOMETHING OTHER HUMANS WANTED TO SEE?"

Recently, I asked my fellow sports writers — as well as former Rep sports writer Todd Porter, who desperately needed something to distract him from reading letters to the editor about Trump — to list their favorite sports movies. ("Favorite," not "best.") And you know which movie didn't make anyone's list? "Bull Durham."

Case closed. Anyway, here are my picks:

1. “Field of Dreams.” Now THIS is how you end a baseball movie with Kevin Costner. The “Bull Durham” people probably would have had Costner paint his dad’s toenails.

3. “Caddyshack.” “Hey, baby, you must’ve been something before electricity!”

Chris Beaven

1. "Slapshot." Paul Newman. The Hanson Brothers. Oglithorpe. The memorable quotes are endless. "They brought their (expletive) toys." "Putting on the foil." "Old time hockey, eh." "I'm listening to the (expletive) song." What more can you want? I never cease to be amused by it.

2. "The Longest Yard." The real one with Burt Reynolds.

3. "The Natural." Mainly because Joe Scalzo dares to questions Robert Redford as the lead, but also because I still enjoy it.

Steve Doerschuk

1. “Hoosiers.” Authentic flavor of community heart linked to a school team. I say so based on growing up in Red Ash's heyday in Canton Township.

2. “The Natural.” Red, I should have been a farmer. Near-perfect casting, top to bottom.

1. “Major League.” I mean, seriously, is there a better one out there? Some of the funniest/most quotable lines ever in that movie. Plus, it's made it impossible to listen to Bob Uecker call a real baseball game without hearing “Juuuuuuussssttt a bit outside.”

2. “Caddyshack.” It's a sports movie. Don't @ me.

3. “Field of Dreams.” Hey, I am an absolute sucker for the ending. “Dad ... you wanna have a catch?” Tears every time.

Cliff Hickman

1. “Major League.” I was born in 1983. For much of the early portion of my life, the Cleveland Indians were an awful team and a running joke. Nothing captured that feeling better than this movie. It gave you reason to hope that one day things would be better. Turns out, that day arrived. I like the cast. I like the humor. It still holds up.

2. “Glory Road.” I love this story. The film follows the true story of coach Don Haskins and the 1966 Texas Western basketball team. The movie deals with a lot of complex issues and was enjoyable. The cast is completely forgettable, which is one of the reasons I don't think anybody remembers this movie. Josh Lucas starred as Haskins. His previous claim to fame was starring as Glenn Talbot and blowing himself up with a rocket launcher in Ang Lee's boring Hulk film. There is probably a metaphor about the career Lucas had in that last sentence somewhere.

3. “The Longest Yard.” I'm talking about the original 1974 version starring Burt Reynolds and not that train wreck perpetrated on an unsuspecting viewing public by Adam Sandler. This is such a small, simple story. Winning the Super Bowl is not on the line. Making the playoffs is not on the line. It's essentially a glorified pick-up game with no real impact on the world around it other than the people within that small prison community. My favorite moment involves actor Richard Kiehl (better known as Jaws from the James Bond films) uttering a threat to a guard during the game that can't be repeated here and then delivering on it shortly thereafter.

Mike Popovich

1. “Hoosiers.” As someone who grew up in a small town, I learned that anything is possible on the basketball court and in life.

2. “Miracle.” The 1980 United States Olympic hockey team's gold medal win was the greatest sports memory from my childhood. I can still see the stunned look on the Soviet players' faces after the U.S. beat them.

3. “Pride of the Yankees.” We need to be careful when we label athletes "heroes," but I can see why Lou Gehrig was to those who loved him.

Bonus: Because no one other than (Steve) Doerschuk has seen it, “Bang the Drum Slowly.” Again, I was yawning.

Jim Thomas

1. "Major League." Right movie at the right time for Indians. Fantastic, versatile cast. Love Sheen and Bernsen because of their roles and acting — they looked like players. From Jobu to Willie Mays Hayes,the team was a fun bunch of lovable losers. Having the owner as a female Art Modell (only sexy) doesn't hurt.

2. "Caddyshack." "Looks good on you though!" Never got enough of Dangerfield in this one. Or Ted Knight either. Chevy Chase and Bill Murray were at their peak, too. Add in Danny and Maggie, some really good music and it's always just a fun view.

3. "Longest Yard." Going old school for Joe on this. Eddie Albert will always be the Warden, a mean mother if you ever saw one. When he can't shoot Crewe (Burt Reynolds) at the end it's as good as Crewe scoring the wining touchdown as time expires. Having Ray Nitschke and Joe Kapp in was a classic touch.

Josh Weir

1. “Rocky IV.” Sly Stallone beat Ivan Drago and effectively ended the Cold War. Bow down. Plus, two home-run montages in this (when Rocky speeds around in his Lambo as he ponders life and the epic training scene ending with him somehow scaling a mountain).

2. “Caddyshack.” “We have a pool and a pond. Pond'd be good for you.”

3. “Major League.” Still great. So many terrific lines. And Harry Doyle should call every game in every sport.”

Massillon High graduate Chris Machamer signed with the Red Sox on Friday, the last day draft picks could sign with their teams. Machamer, a 16th-round pick out of Kentucky, signed for $213,000, according to Jim Callis of MLB Pipeline. He will start his career with the Short Season Class A Lowell (Mass.) Spinners. A sophomore closer, Machamer went 2-1 in 23 appearances with 10 saves and a team-best 3.06 ERA for Kentucky. Machamer, whose four-seam fastball tops out at 96 miles per hour and whose sinker ranges between 88-92, struck out 38 with nine walks in 35.1 innings this season. He allowed 29 hits and opposing hitters had a .216 batting average against him for the Wildcats (34-22), who lost in the first round of the SEC Tournament. … Myrtle Beach Pelicans OF D.J. Wilson (Canton South) is batting .223 with a .690 OPS in 29 games this season. Wilson is starting to warm up offensively, though. He has a hit in each of the last seven games, raising his batting average from .188 on June 28.

Jackson's Junker adds offer

Jackson senior Hayden Junker added a scholarship offer from Army to play defensive end. It is his second FBS offer, along with one from Kent to play tight end. Junker is the grandson of Ron Blackledge and the nephew of Todd. Junker earned honorable mention all-district last season for the Polar Bears (8-3), who shared the Federal League title and advanced to the playoffs for the second straight year. He also helped Jackson win league and district titles in basketball.

Reach Joe at 330-580-8573 or

joe.scalzo@cantonrep.com

On Twitter: @jscalzoREP

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