cereal

With St. Patrick”s Day just around the corner, you”ll be seeing lots of green beer and Shamrock shakes this week, but here”s one that really takes the cake: IRISH CEREAL MILK. This drink comes from Lexington Brass in New York and combines the childhood glory of sugary online casinos leftover cereal milk with the adulthood glory of…Whiskey.

Since food has been “trendy” for the past few years, I feel like there’s now a product there that does everything. I don’t really subscribe to the gadget theory but I understand that some people see the appeal of a microwave egg poacher or an avocado slicer. But you know what isn’t okay? Products that aren’t actually different products.

The other day I was browsing every aisle of the grocery store, because it had started torrentially downpouring outside while I was inside (sans umbrella), and I came across these. Cornflake crumbs. Mmmm hmm. Just in case you are too lazy to take a bag of corn flakes and a) sit on it b) give it to your kids to smash with a baseball bat, or c) roll a bag of corn flakes with a rolling pin, you can buy this product for $3.79. I thought maybe I was missing something, so I went to the Kellogg’s website to search for a product description. Here it is: “Corn cereal crumbs.” It is LITERALLY, literally, another product that already exists, just crushed up.

I don’t know what I’m more angry about. The fact that manufacturers are making this product, or that there are people supporting the cause.

I’ve been feeling uninspired, which is known to happen from time to time when you are trying to create original recipes to share with the world. The Internet is kind of intimidating sometimes. Buuuut, I’m baccckkk!!! Because nothing is more inspiring than a holiday that incorporates alcohol…such as St Patty’s Day.

Are You Feelin’ Lucky, Punk? Milkshake Cocktail

I am willing to bet that you currently fit into one of three Valentine categories: (1) you haven’t gotten your Valentine a gift yet, (2) you hate Valentine’s Day, or (3) you think you’re getting something that you really are not. Or maybe you are perfect and got exactly what your Valentine wanted for this special Hallmark day (NOT). For the rest of us—there is a solution. This treat is the end game.

Unless you hate everything awesome, you’re going to love every bite of this action-packed chex mix. Some call it “Better than Sex Chex Mix.” I’m calling it it “Cupid’s Special Secret”…because this will make anyone happy. Take chocolate chex (Gluten Free, of course—I’m still trying to be healthy), caramel, chocolate (milk and white), tiny peanut butter cups, and some sea salt. …And butter, brown sugar and corn syrup (sugar is sugar, right?) If you still aren’t convinced to make this for your boo (or yourself), then you don’t belong here.

I’m not going to waste anyone’s time…bottom line: this will win the day. Game Over. Flowers? BUSH LEAGUE. Take the half hour out of your life to spoil her/him/yourself. You won’t regret it. My girlfriend loved it!

Cupid’s Special Secret Chex Mix

I realize I’ve been a bit MIA, but lets make-up. To start, I bring you Man-Whore Bars. Remember Slutty Brownies? Well these guys make those look downright prude. These bars are appropriately named since they contains 4 desserts in one–2 cookies (chocolate chip and Oreos); candy (Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups); rice krispie treats; and chocolate ganache—plus more chocolate chip cookies for a final sprinkling.

Damn, right? I thought so.

Now more importantly, I’m on a mission to mainstream these like Jessica Simpson did for the Slutty Brownies on Katie Couric’s show. Which by the way, I birthed the cousin to those slut brownies with these Slutty Cheesecake Bars—seriously damaging stuff. But this–this, might be my all-time favorite over-the-top bar and the follow-up to the slutties.

So can I ask you guys a favor? {lease make these, pass them around and proudly refer to them as Man-Whores Bars, because maybe then they will reach Ryan Gosling who can then explain them to Katie.

Ah, you guys are fantastic. I’m so glad to be back, now let’s get busy and make some bars.

Man-Whore Bars

I know this looks weird. It”s not exactly what you would think of when I say super rich and decadent peanut butter cake. But that”s what it is, I swear.

Ever since my resolution, I have not been buying sweets. It”s a sad time, folks. Well, it was a sad time. Until I rediscovered my love for microwave cakes.

I have two secrets I”m gonna let you in on. This cake took me 1 minute to cook and like one more minute of prep time. Also, it ended up being less than 120 calories (Obviously it depends on the ingredients you use; Mine was 112 calories–score!).

Oh, also. You know how cereal is awesome? I”m sure you know. I may have bought three boxes of this goodness (I”m a weak human, folks, it”s true).