EVERYDAY PEOPLE: LASTING RELATIONSHIPS

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Nigeria's leading fictional story blog - relationship, partner, shared values and interests, common world view, religious ties, a temporary stop.

In today’s everyday people, we have decided to look at some key factors that ensure the longevity of a relationship. According to the dating website, eharmony.com, when couples whose relationships have lasted for several years were asked about the secret of their lasting relationship, they mentioned the usual ‘suspects’; shared values and interests, common world view, religious ties, and a good sexual relationship. However, beyond these points, most couples listed other key factors that most of them believe are the foundation upon which the longevity of their relationships was built and these include;

Security: It is not uncommon today for people to enter into a relationship with one leg in and the other out – they are there but they are not quite there; they are ready to bail out at the first sign of resistance or difficulty. Unfortunately, when one or both partners are not fully invested in the relationship, it rubs off on the entire framework that the relationship rests upon. A feeling of uncertainty prevails and each partner is constantly reminded directly or indirectly that the relationship they are at present in is nothing but a temporary stop, whose relevance will soon fade into oblivion. On the contrary, lasting relationships are based on a strong and secure framework, where each partner is ‘fully and absolutely’ invested and committed to the relationship. They certainly face their fair share of ups and downs, but they face them squarely, willing to walk through them and not disintegrate in the face of difficulties. In this case, both partners have each other’s back and they express that in ways that assure and comfort their mate. Such security says to the couples in such relationships that the person they are with or married to is a keeper – their current relationship is a destination where they belong and are wanted and not a temporary stop, so they don’t have to keep looking outside their relationship for security and assurance.

Respect: It is extremely difficult if not completely impossible to find anyone who does not crave respect. It is a measure of the value we place on ourselves and others. In relationships, both men and women look for signs that allow them to gauge how much value their mate places on them. Respect or a lack of it is revealed in the way we view our mate’s opinions, interests, likes and dislikes. Sarcastic and saucy remarks about those tell them that we do not really have that much respect for them. When we are considerate towards their views even though we may not subscribe to them, it suggests that we value them immensely, and that often cements the bond between both mates.

Resolution: This does not refer to her promises we make to ourselves every January only to forget them by February. Instead, it refers to commitment to resolving conflicts, disagreements, frustrations and disappointments that ever so constantly plague relationships. This involves significant consideration, the willingness to make a certain level of compromise to accommodate each other’s views and needs and even quirks. Lasting relationships embrace disagreements and conflicts, using them to learn more deeply about each other and in so doing, growing with each other in the relationship. The resolve to walk through the fire for the one you love makes them feel special and assures them that their relationship is safe and most of all, secure. It is resolution that guarantees security in a relationship.

THE END

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