We hear it in almost every episode; Mulder and Scully
talking, Scully is very serious about one of her out-of-the-blue
scientific explanations (when is she not?), Mulder responds
with some wise crack, followed by an 'oh-please' look from
Scully. Here's a little list of my favourite such Mulderisms:

DEEP THROAT

Scully:
Mulder, did you see their eyes? If I were that stoned --Mulder:
OOH! If you were that stoned *what*?

SQUEEZE

Scully:
Mulder, you are jeopardising my

stakeout.Mulder: Seeds?

GHOST IN THE MACHINE

Scully:
So why did you two go your separate ways?Mulder:
I'm a pain in the ass to work with.Scully:
No, seriously.Mulder:
You mean I'm NOT a pain in the ass to work with?

CALUSARI

Scully:
Did you ever hear of Munchausen by proxy?Mulder:
Yeah. My grandfather used to take that for his stomach.

SYZYGY

Description: Mulder's sniffing Scully.Scully:
What are you doing?Mulder:
Must be Detective White.

QUAGMIRE

Scully:
How much you're like Ahab. You're so consumed by

your personal vengeance against life whether it be its

inherent cruelties or its mysteries that everything takes

on a ... a warped significance to fit your megalomaniacal

cosmology.Mulder:
Scully, are you coming on to me?

TUNGUSKA

Description: Mulder's parking the car at the airport, leaving

Kryceck in it.Mulder:
I'm leaving the window rolled down. If I'm not back

in a week I'll call Agent Scully to come leave you a

bowl of water.

* I know, it's not a remark Mulder made at Scully, but it makes me
laugh none the less.

NEVER AGAIN

Mulder:
Welcome back. You look a lot better than you did in

the hospital, and congratulations for making a personal

appearance in the X-Files for a second time, a world

record.

* Yet again, there's anything remotely funny about the above
remark, on the contrary - it's one of the cruellest things Mulder
has ever said to Scully, in my opinion. I just wanted to include
it here as well. Sue me.

MEMENTO MORI

Mulder
(handing Scully flowers): I stole these from some guy

with a broken leg down the hall. He won't be able to

catch me.

I've read somewhere that Scully is the woman with the worst sense of
humour in TV land. I beg to differ. She may not be the greatest of jokers,
but she managed to surprise me sometimes. Here are my favourite Scully lines
(which are mostly pure sarcasm, but sometimes left even Mulder, speechless) --

Scully:
Well it's not hard to see why they mistook you for a vagrant.Mulder:
Are you going to rag on me or take me to get something to eat?Scully:
Am I paying, or did you manage to panhandle some change while
you were at it?

Mulder:
Don't you have a life Scully?Scully: Keep it up Mulder and I'll hurt
you like that beast-woman.

FIRE

Description: Scully says to Mulder in Phoebe's voice.Scully: Care to take me to lunch?

HUMBUG

Well, here I don't have a quote, but you must agree that Mulder was quite
speechless when Scully nonchalantly took that squirming cricket, and ate it.

CLYDE BRUCKMAN'S FINAL REPOSE

Description: The Stupendous Yappi has ordered Mulder out of the room.FBI Agent #1:
Agent Mulder, please.Scully:
(to Mulder) I can't take you anywhere...

WAR OF THE COPROPHAGES

Mulder:
Bambi also has this theory I've never come across about U.F.O's....Scully: Who??Mulder: Dr Berenbaum.Scully: Her name is Bambi?Mulder: Yeah both her parents were
naturalists. Her theory is that UFO's are actually

nocturnal insect swarms passing through electrical air fields.Scully: Her name is Bambi?!

HOME

Description:: Scully is talking about the case, then notices that Mulder isn't

listenning at all. Istead, he throws the baseball in the air.Scully:
Meanwhile, I've quit the F.B.I. and become a spokesperson for the Ab-roller.
(Mulder doesn't even pay attention, and tells her to smell the ball...)

Thanks, Rebecca.

Description:: Mulder And Scully are trying to chase away the pigs.Mulder:
Scully would you think less of me as a man if I told you I was kind of excited

right now? There's some secret farmer trick to get these things moving?Scully:
I don`t know; Baa-Ram-Ewe, Baa-Ram-Ewe.Mulder:
Yeah, that`ll work.Scully:
I babysat my nephew this weekend. Watched Babe fifteen times a day.Mulder:
And people call me spooky.

THE FIELD WHERE I DIED

Mulder:
Dana. If early in the four years we've been working, an event occurred that

suggested or somebody told you that, we'd been friends together in other

lifetimes, always. Would it have changed some of the ways we looked at one

another?Scully:
Even if I knew for certain, I wouldn't change a day.

Well maybe that Flukeman thing. I could have lived without that just fine.

Another subject which is mentioned once in a while, is Mulder's fascination
with sex. His video collections, men's newspapers, etc. Hmmm, maybe
fascination is not a very good choice of a word. Obsession maybe?
Anyway, here's where it's mentioned:

JERSEY DEVIL

Scully:
Working hard, Mulder?Mulder:
(indicating to centerfold) This woman claims to have been taken aboard a

space ship and held in an anti-gravity chamber without food and water for

Mulder:
I was merely extending her a professional courtesy.Scully:
Oh, is that what you were extending.

Scully:
Can I meet you somewhere?Mulder:
No, it's just that I kind of anticipate having my hands full.

BEYOND THE SEA

Scully:
Last time you were that engrossed it turned out you were reading the adult

video news.

BLOOD

Frohike:
Obviously you haven't read the August edition of The Lone Gunmen.Mulder: Oh, I'm sorry boys... it
arrived the same day as my subscription to

Celebrity Skin.

EXCELSIUS DEI

Mulder:
Whatever tape you found in that VCR isn't mine.Scully:
Good, because I put it back in that drawer with all those other videos

that aren't yours.

PAPER CLIP

Frohike:
Unbelievable! We thought you were history!!Mulder:
You're gonna have to wait a little longer for my video collection, Frohike.

DPO

Description:: Mulder leafs through a men's magazine in Darren's room.Scully:
I'm surprised you haven't already read that issue.Mulder:
Oh, I have. April is the cruellest month. But *mine* didn't come with

this. (holds up yearbook photo)

CLYDE BRUCKMAN'S FINAL REPOSE

Clyde:
You know, there are worse ways to go, but I can't think of a more

undignified one than autoerotic asphyxiation.Mulder:
Why are you telling *me* that?Clyde:
Forget I mentioned it. It's none of my business.

NISEI

Description:: Scully catches Mulder watching an alien autopsy video.Scully:
What are you watching?Mulder:
Something that just came in the mail.Scully:
That's not your usual brand of entertainment.

at the TV in the van, checking the picture he sends.Mulder:
Think I could get the Playboy Channel?

WETWIRED

Scully:
Mulder! Look at this. There must be hundreds of tapes here.Mulder:
Anything good?

I thought Mulder's sex-obsession wasn't mentioned during
season 4, and it wasn't -- not until "Small Potatoes". Thank you, Deryk, for reminding me of the following:

SMALL POTATOES

Description:: Faux-Mulder is in Real-Mulder's apartment, listenning to the

messages on the answering machine.Chantalle:
Hello Marty? Chantalle. It's been so long since we've spoken and I've

been so lonely without hearing your sexy voice. Marty, just for you,

we've lowered our rates to 40 cents a minute, 2.99 for the first minute,

all long distance rates apply. Do give me a call a little later. I'll be waiting.

ALL SOULS

Description:: Mulder and Scully are on the phoneScully:
Hi .. uh, something's come up. I was, uh, hoping that you could
do me a favor.Mulder:
Why? What's going on?Scully:
This isn't official FBI business so I was hoping that we could keep
it outside

neon pink - XXX.Scully:
I need some birth and adoptive records on a Dara Kernof.Mulder:
Who?Scully:
Dara Kernof. I can't tell you much more than that, Mulder. I'm sorry.Mulder:
You want to give me a hint? Anything?Scully:
Not until you get me those records.Mulder:
All right, I'll talk to you later.

Description: Mulder hangs up and runs back into movie theatre - Marquee

says- 6 PM AND 11 PM - A DECADE OF DIRTY DELINQUENTS

THE END

Mulder:
Hi. My name is Fox. This is Dana and Diana. How are you doing?Gibson:
I don't mind it here. They get all the good TV shows. Where I live, in the

Philippines all we get is Baywatch.Mulder:
What's wrong with Baywatch?Gibson:
You've got a dirty mind.

That's it. My Isms-muse has gone for lunch. I'll finish this page with one of my favourite Scullyism --