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4
Diocese of Maitland-Newcastle www.mn.catholic.org.au
One of the good things about
Cardinal Clancy as a bishop was
that you could argue with him. You
didn't necessarily win, mind you, but there
was tacit permission to disagree with him,
at least for a while. I vividly remember
sitting at the opposite end of a board table
from him, years ago, fighting vigorously for
a certain point, with the other members
of the meeting ranged down either side of
the table and mimicking the behaviour of a
tennis crowd, looking first to one end and
then to the other, back and forth. I also
remember vividly the end of the match:
'Well, Bill, we all have our disappointments
to bear.' I'd had my hearing - but he
had decided.
The fact is, of course, that many times
in life 'No' will be the answer. We put our
cherished idea to the family, the boss,
the colleagues, the parish council and,
wonder of wonders, they don't see its
brilliance. We make a perfectly reasonable
request and we're told it can't happen.
The question is then, what happens next?
Can we take 'no' for an answer? Or do we
sulk, or take our bat home and not want
to play anymore, or go out and complain
to anyone who will listen? I guess that
depends on how 'grown up' we really
are, or to put it another way, on
how well we have learnt to
accept disappointment.
There is a religious side to
this, of course, as there is to
everything human. A surprising
number of people seem to be
unable to take a 'No' from God. I'm
in the habit of saying that they confuse
God with Santa Claus, thinking that if
they've been good, and they're asking for
something they really, sincerely want, God
should give it to them. If He doesn't, they
sulk and won't talk to Him or they'll 'take
their bat home' and not believe in Him
anymore. That's very different from St
Paul who prayed three times with God to
take away the 'thorn in his side' but had
to be content with the answer, 'My grace
is sufficient for you'. What he learned
from that 'No' was that his very difficulties
showed him more clearly how God
was with him: 'When I am weak,
then I am strong.' And, of course,
one hardly need mention the
resounding 'No' that Jesus
got from God in Gethsemane
to his prayer, 'Father, if it be
possible, let this cup (of suffering
and death) pass me by...' Learning
to take 'No' for an answer, without acting
like a spoilt child, is an important part of
human and religious maturity, I'd suggest.
So how do we learn this part of growing
up? It's an important question. I'd suggest
that if we're adults and we're no good at
taking the 'noes' in our lives, the place
to start might be learning to say 'no' to
ourselves. If we're parents, we need to
think about whether we're teaching our
children how to deal with not always getting
what they want. Thankfully, teachers now
go to in-service days and so on where they
study the recently rediscovered value to a
child of developing 'resilience'. And if we're
believers, we might make it a routine to
add to our prayers of petition what Jesus
added to his prayer in Gethsemane, 'but
not my will, but thine be done'. Yes, Your
Eminence, we do indeed all have our
disappointments to bear.
The fact
is, of course,
that many times
in life 'No' will
be the
answer.
Bishop BILL WRIGHT
MY WORD
With BISHOP BILL
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