WHY 30 SHOULD NOT BE THE NEW 20

Thirty is the new 20! It’s a sentiment that’s become a catchphrase and for good reason. My 30 is very different than my mom’s 30. On average, we are more educated, we are more career driven, we are getting married as well as having kids later, if at all, and we are more likely to be unapologetically us. In many ways, we are more free spirited. Is the newfound freeness why people say 30 is the new 20?

As someone who looked forward to 30, the thought of getting a second go-round of my 20s was not on the wish list. There are certainly some experiences I wish I wouldn’t have missed out on, but I don’t think that is the decade I will look back on and think “oh to be 20 again.”

Meg talks about the trap of being a 20-something. You know, feeling like you have all the time in the world. A sentiment that is often confirmed by the people around you proclaiming, “Don’t worry. You’re young.” A sentiment that can leave a 30-something looking back and contemplating, “What was I thinking and doing?”

At 30, I feel like I have lived a full life. My 20s were rocky; the true definition of a rollercoaster. I lived in a different city almost every year of that decade. I loved and lost a lot. My morals were tested. My character was tested. Everything I was and everything I thought I would be challenged. My identity, in many ways, shattered. But when I look back, I know what I was doing. I was building. I was chasing future me.

At some point, 20 became the ‘it-doesn’t-count’ decade. But that mindset can be detrimental. It implies that the present has no consequential correlation to the future. It leads to people making the same mistakes over and over. And we don’t realize we’re repeating non-beneficial behaviors because we think there aren’t any current day lessons to be learned. This mindset sends the message that our actions are a result of youth instead of a result of who we are.

Don’t get me wrong. We’re all dumb and young at some point. We do things because we simply don’t know any better. But HOW you respond during that phase is a direct correlation of who you are or who you’re fighting to be. We don’t just magically grow out of most things. More often than not, we LEARN our way out of things.

Furthermore, if the decade of 20 doesn’t count, how is anyone supposed to have it together, or close to together, in their 30s? Society praises unencumbered 20-year-olds but frowns upon unfettered, non-committed 30-year-olds.

This mindset has left so many 30-somethings looking back with frustration. Some still unsure of who they are or who they want to be. Others working jobs instead of pursuing careers. Many lost but desperately pretending to be put together. Can you imagine what 40 would look like if they relived their 20s as 30-somethings?

Just because adolescence ends at the age of 21 doesn’t mean that our development is complete. In fact Meg defines the 20s as a period of “adult development” and refers to it as a “developmental sweet spot.” She also informs us that the “brain goes through it’s second and last growth spurt in the 20s.” These sentiments sound very similar to those describing various parts of childhood development. Yet, we don’t leave it to kids to just figure it all out on their own. We teach kids how to read and tie their shoes. We tell them why they should eat a balanced diet and play. Can you imagine society adopting a “just let them be” mentality with children?

Meg also argues “80% of life’s most defining moments take place by age 25.” So with adolescence extended to 21, most of our life’s defining moments happening by 25, a mental growth spurt and significant personality changes, how does your 20s not count? And why would we want 30 to be the new 20? What is the price of that kind of freedom? And if you don’t know who you are and what you want out of life, are you really free?

I am grateful to have made it to 30. And while there are still many lessons to learn, mistakes to be made and fun to be had, I’m looking forward to doing so in a very different way.

My 20-something self did things just because.

My 30-something self does things because there is purpose.

My 20-something self loved with reckless abandon.

My 30-something self loves with intention.

My 20-something self lived on a macro level.

My 30-something self lives on a micro level.

When you treat 30 like it’s the new 20, you spend your time being complacent. You set yourself up to take steps backward instead of propelling you forward. You do things because they’re comfortable and recognizable.

Yes, that quarter-life crisis was real. So use it for its purpose! It’s time to have a new crisis and a new challenge, and more importantly, it’s time to handle it in a different way. Make your 20s count by being the better version of you for which your 20-something self sacrificed.

Love your perspective on this. Such great points! I’m almost 32 now and yes, I am grateful for it now. When I was 29, I thought my life would end, haha. But yes, I also lived my through my twenties as if I had al the time in the world. I moved, I loved and lost a lot too and I grew up. But because of my life in my twenties, I’m a late bloomer sometimes. Still am.

Thank you! So most of my friends hit 30 before me and they were soooo sad! It’s so normal! Lol You’re going at your own pace and there’s nothing wrong with being a ‘late bloomer.’ Reminds me of my husband, but I just tell him “hey now you know how precious this decade is and you’re going to make the most of it!”

I agree that there’s really no benefit in treating the 20s like the “it-doesn’t-count” decade. Years of life are too precious to be treated like they don’t count! I’ve entered the second half of my 20s now, at 26, and I’m looking forward to what the next years will bring, but I also appreciate looking back on what I’ve learned and how I’ve grown in the first half of the decade.

so I feel this way as well – where I totally agree with the phrase that “30 is the new 20” in the sense of you don’t have to be married, you can be career driven, you don’t have to have kids yet – because this is where I am. I am married, but I don’t want kids yet. I still feel young and while I don’t feel “20” young, I do feel young enough to not have kids yet. my husband and I owned a home and downsized to an apartment in Chicago so we are for sure not ready to have kids yet. I totally don’t want to relive my 20s but I also feel I don’t need to be done having kids by a certain age like my parents were. it definitely is a different time!

This post was truly awesome! I can really agree and relate to your words. 30s shouldn’t be the new 20s. I’m happy that I lived to the fullest in my 20s though, But now I’m looking forward to a new chapter in my 30s 🙂

Great Post Asha! This is so true!!! 30’s and 20’s it’s like I was different people!!! I believe every era has it’s things… I loved my 20’s ans I am loving my 30’s as well. i look back at my 20’s nostalgically and fulfilled because I had a great time but that oage has turned and now my priorities are just different… wonderful the. Wonderful now… just different :):)