The Unfettered Pursuit of Happiness

June 29, 2009

On-Line Dating in Retirement

Ok, it's not exactly on-line dating but it sure feels like what I imagine that experience to be like, the nerves, the sweaty palms, the excitement of a potential match. But instead of getting botox, a new haircut and outfit, and losing a few pounds, I'm painting baseboards, cleaning windows, and finishing up landscaping and home maintenance projects. Why the gussying-up of my home? I'm talking about on-line dating for my house, vacation home-exchange.

Much like on-line dating, there are concerns to contend with:

Will my date be an ax muderer? What if the home I'm exchanging to doesn't even exist, or perhaps the people that come to visit my house trash it or try to rip me off?

What if my date isn't as handsome as the pictures they posted in the on-line add? What if I have to spend a week in a total dive?

What if I get stood up? What if the exchanger I arrange with backs out on me?

What if no one thinks I'm attractive? What if no one exchanges with me because they think my house is ugly, or they think my town is not appealing?

I'm hoping to stretch the travel budget this year by swapping my home, a home that would just be sitting idle while I'm traveling, for free accommodations at my destination. I've sent over 50 inquiries to potential home-suitors and have arranged a sum total of exactly three dates and three potential dates. Over half of those I've approached have never responded at all. (Although, three of my suitors actually invited ME out.) I'm not sure how people with actual jobs have the time to arrange this type of travel, you definitely have to kiss a lot of frogs.

One alternative to all this dating drama would be to rent out my home and then take the money and just go rent places for vacation. That would certainly remove the need for a perfect match. But many of my concerns would still be there, I might wind up renting somewhere that wasn't really as pretty as the pictures. My renters still may not treat my home the way I would like. In fact, I do take comfort in the fact that in an exchange, we are both in one another's homes hoping that the other is taking good care of our place, so it seems we all might actually be more careful than actual renters would be.

I know a few married couples that met through on line dating as well as a few people that have successfully and enthusiastically swapped homes. It's not for everyone, you have to be careful, and you may be disappointed with the match, but who knows, you may just find your prince!

Hi Syd--Tom's sister who lives in Orlando Fl has done several home exchanges with homeexchange.com. She had a great experience with them-- she exchanged her lovely home for a villa in France two years ago and just recently for an apt in Prague. Everything worked out really well and there were no problems on either end. I think it is a really good idea--good luck in your searches. J

Interesting post. Our family has rented various different rental houses when we go on vacation and we always take care of the place very well. This behavior invariably leads to some sort of comment from the owner along the lines of: "Wow. Thanks for leaving the house in good shape. You wouldn't believe how many people trash the place." This is one reason why my wife and I are so leary of buying a second home and renting it out.

With a principal residence, I would think there could be even more angst if something went wrong. With a rental unit, you don't have to live in it, your favorite things (probably) aren't in it, and you might have a property management place handling all the problems. Maybe I am just overly paranoid about this stuff, but the idea of temporarily renting out our principal residence sounds scary to me! On the other hand, you may be right that if you swap with another homeowner, then they have a lot of incentive to treat you the way you would like to be treated.

@SB, I'm like you, treating rental property with respect, but I'm wondering if the fact that people have to pay actual money leads some to think, "I don't really have to take very good care of this, I AM after all PAYING them good money." In a swap I'm more likely to think "Wow, this person was so nice to let me stay here for FREE--I will be nice back to them."

We'll see whether reality proves to be as I predict--our first trade in a week . . .

We rented out our future retirement home for 4 years - only 1 tenant who didn't take good care of it, and that cleaned up ok. Of course, it is in a retirement community (The Villages, FL) and mostly we rented only to retirees (a few visiting families in summer).

I think you will find that renting/exchanging with other retirees is different than to the general public.

I just discovered this blog and we are very interested in exchanging rather than renting now that we are retired ourselves and no longer renting.

Plus, renters would expect everything to be cleaned out (fridge, freezer, pantry, closets, dressers, bathrooms) while exchangers would not, just need SOME room for their stuff.

Just wanted to comment on the online dating aspect of your post since Ive gone through this in the last year or so. Im separated now since coming home from Afghanistan to a crumbling marriage, and, of course, eventually found myself on two online dating sites. I found I had to lower my expectations from finding a match, to just finding someone to watch a movie with and have a good dinner. Anything after that is icing on the cake. As long as they are halfway good looking, and carry on a decent conversation, the evenings are usually fun. Sometimes the first date leads to something a bit more serious, but usually not. That doesnt make it a worthless experience. You just have to realie what you are getting into. So, I imagine the house exchange idea is very similar. Lowering expectations is the best way to start. Best of luck to you. Great, great blog.