Thanks But No Thanks John Derbyshire, the Mommybloggers Don’t Want You

What with our many views on how to raise children from breast or bottle to co-sleeping or crying it out.

From time to time other bloggers seem to think they can get in on the act and try their hand at writing about parenting. Perhaps they are envious of the ad dollars our demographic brings to the table. Perhaps they have heard we get a lot of swag and want in on the action. Other times they seem to just want to spout off about the latest parenting technique to capture that big ‘Mommyblogging’ part of the internet.

Normally I encourage such behavior in the political blogosphere. I’ve always said politics is personal and part of why I write with such passion…actually ALL of why I write with such passion on political issues…comes from making sure my country is the best it can be for my family.

However, in the case of National Review Online blogger John Derbyshire, I would recommend he immediately quit Mommyblogging.

It seems he took a crack at it the other day, and as a professional Mommyblogger I’d like to nominate we not only not let him into the club, but we pretty much ban him from ever coming near our part of the internet again. Derbyshire wrote a piece about having a “talk” with his children, as many of us have, after the shooting of Trayvon Martin:

(10c) If planning a trip to a beach or amusement park at some date, find out whether it is likely to be swamped with blacks on that date (neglect of that one got me the closest I have ever gotten to death by gunshot).

(10f) Do not settle in a district or municipality run by black politicians.

(10g) Before voting for a black politician, scrutinize his/her character much more carefully than you would a white.

Now if only I actually had the power to make sure Derbyshire truly couldn’t join the Mommyblogging club…sadly, I don’t. His political writing, in crossing into the parentsphere, is nothing but a racist rant. Not really how you want to make your Mommyblogging debut. Clearly Derbyshire took my “politics is personal” mantra to heart, talking with his children about a very heated, and currently very political topic…he just sucks at it.

I hope Derbyshire doesn’t take my critique of his Mommyblogging too personally. Many have tried and failed. Blogging about parenting is not for everyone, and considering the “talk” this man had with his children, it seems parenting is not for everyone either.

I have said it before and I have said it again: the times in my life when I’ve looked out and blamed other people for the problems of the world are when I’ve felt shittiest about myself. When I am feeling impotent, stupid, ineffective, stuck, and filled with self-loathing, I inevitably begin casting about for someone to blame. I think that is what is at the root of racism.

I’m gonna try to polish this turd by saying that it’s worth knowing that there are still people who allow fear to direct their decision-making, and that they will shamelessly present this kind of thing as “good advice.” As we talk to our kids about what happened to Trayvon, we need to also present to them the sad truth that other parents are teaching their children different things about how and why this happened, and that those message will perpetuate the problems.

How is it even possible that someone could take the Trayvon Martin incident and misinterpret it to such a horrific extent??? The clear message here is that there need to be FEWER racial divides and FEWER stereotypes – not MORE segregation.

What a moron. I pray his kids will grow up to have enough discernment to rebel.

How? Because you have Fox News doing it and politicians doing it and newspapers, magazines and intrepid reporters asking a grieving mother if her son liked chicken.

You can’t remove a divide until there is a willingness to see that the is one.

I’m not saying don’t think about what this one man has said. Think about the societal permissions that allow him to say it. I am not for censorship. He has the right to be as socially my optic as he wants to be.

We can do better. How do we do that? I am for looking for solutions that make it safer for all of our children to get along.

http://evilbloggerlady.blogspot.com/2012/04/john-derbyshires-talk.html I do not agree with John Derbyshire’s article. But we can disagree with it, without engaging in faux outrage over it. A little introspection is in order, since what Derbyshire said are things I have heard many people (of all races, sexual orientations, classes, and political persuasions) say privately. That does not make it right. But I would caution the best way to disagree is with facts, rational arguments or humor.

You know there are racist people in the conservative movement and the Republican party right? And to be in equality mode, there are a chunk of people in the liberal and progressive movements that are also racists.

It is the deed, not the party affiliation. So if it makes you feel better than one person will acknowledge that racists come in all manner of beings well here you go.

How will you make your side of the street cleaner is up to you.

Me, I am going out into the sunlight and increase my natural beauty. I want to make those that think like Derbyshire as uncomfortable as possible.

I read this blog item, and the comments, in search of refutations of Derbyshire’s “racist rant” and allegedly poor parenting, and found none.

Queen of Spain, do you encourage your children to travel to “heavily black neighborhoods,” to locales “likely to be swamped with blacks,” or events “likely to draw a lot of blacks”? If so, you are a negligent parent, who is endangering the welfare of her children, who thus stand a high chance of being robbed, raped, maimed, and/or murdered.

More likely, you’re just a liar. The blacks reading this may well delude themselves that the whites they talk to, who never disagree with them, are really on their side. Those soccer and Bobo/SWPL moms are just a bunch of phonies. But since blacks terrorize any honest white, they get what they deserve. (By the way, I’ve worked very hard, over the course of over 40 years, to establish and maintain my position within the black community, and it hasn’t been through being a white Uncle Tom.)

Back to “Queen of Spain”: If you and your posters are typical of “mommy bloggers,” then there’s something very wrong and corrupt with the whole business. (Well, you did reveal that it’s all about the money.) I’ve been thinking about blogging on being a stay-at-home dad, and seeing as there’s a good chance that I’ve changed more diapers, and kissed more booboos than you have, I certainly couldn’t do worse than you. You can’t carry John Derbyshire’s jock strap, whether as a blogger or as a parent. (Full disclosure: I have no direct connection to Derbyshire.)

Faux outrage? There is no faux outrage here…there is TRUE and REAL and VERY PISSED OFF and very substantial outrage. As a mother who teaches her children that everyone deserves respect and EQUALITY in a world where we still deny equal rights based on sexual orientation and gender and race…and in a world where not only can this blogger write these things (as is his right) but legions of people can agree with him and even admit if they don’t these things are said ‘in private.’ So you had better believe the outrage is real and very, very true.

I do not believe all conservatives are racists nor do I believe all liberals are racists. I do believe racists exists on both sides and when they pass it on to their children, in an open forum, you had better believe I will call them out and demand others join me.

Gena, if I could only have your beauty I’d be in the sun with you.

In the meantime, I would rather not see people like EBL make lame excuses and even TRY to turn it around and attack the other side…instead, take Gena’s advice and actually work on cleaning up your side of the street. It’s out of hand. It’s out of hand to the point where an NRO blogger can post this and be supported, coddled, and even have the convo turned around as though progressives like me have done something wrong by being upset over it.

Give me a break. He’s teaching his children evil, and excuses are being made that this is acceptable in public and in private. I refuse to stand by and just let it go.

Of course you missed nothing, other than the typical inability of some to actually agree with progressives that racism exists and is bad. Apparently it’s very hard to come together on issues that are even this evil.

Awww Nicholas, I see you’ve come over to name call. Do you teach your children that too? Or are you the typical troll who really isn’t even who he says he is? Just wondering. You’ll see my profession and my hobby of blogging interact well here and I am not only who I say I am, but I pride myself on that reputation.

But back to the issue at hand…

I take my children MANY places, and they are places that are diverse and some that are terribly segregated. Having grown up in an extremely segregated community, my husband and I made sure that when we became parents we exposed our children to many different people, cultures, races, etc. You get the idea.

Doing this does not mean we would put our children in danger. Going to a black community event, or the things Mr. Derbyshire discusses with his kids would never cross my mind to be ‘dangerous’ – leading me to believe he does not hang out in any of these environments or communities very often.

There is a very big difference between taking our children to diverse places and dangerous places, and Mrs. Derbyshire can’t seem to separate the two- making the assumption anything with a large number of black folk would be dangerous for us white folk. I’m very confident in calling this racist.

Let me tell you a little story… you see way back in the day when I wasn’t a blogger who gets to have opinions on things of this nature and be a pundit, I was a traditional journalist. I worked for several news outlets but spent the major portion of my career at KFWB in Los Angeles … guess who they sent to go hang out in places like South Central?

The white blonde girl from the midwest.

Why? Because I would enter these communities like ANY OTHER and treat the residents with respect as I would with ANY OTHER and in return I was welcomed with open arms.

Never once was I afraid, never once did I feel ‘in danger’ and never once did I question my safety – at least not anymore than I would question it at ANY major news event or story where I always kept up my guard and took care of myself very well, thank you very much.

IN fact, the black community in Los Angeles was my favorite beat- I could spend hours at the AME church with Rev. Murray and never had any issues talking with residents for stories be it about gang shootings OR amazing students that defied the odds and did something that warranted media attention.

So please, spare me your ideas about what this white Mom in the suburbs knows and doesn’t know- because you’ll only embarrass yourself further.

Oh and btw Nicholas you seem to have failed to read properly when I wrote “perhaps” Derbyshire was lured into this parentsphere by the talk of swag, or ad money, or demographics… because somehow you take talk to mean ‘it’s all about’ or whatever your asinine assumption was. If you were to actually enter the community you would find it is MAINLY about just that… COMMUNITY. Thus us not taking too kindly to evil racists who find nothing wrong with teaching their children hate. I suppose there is a blog community for everyone, and you may find others like you and Mr. Derbyshire. That is, after all, why we call it ‘community.’ But I, along with many others, will be hoping you find very little of that type of parentblogging and that it never catches on.

I can see myself have a similar talk to my own kids about white supremacists. If you find yourself in a place with a lot of white supremacists, GTFO. Stay out their neighborhoods and don’t goddamn vote for those racist bastards, because they clearly don’t understand the value of a human life and don’t deserve to have power driven into their twisted little heads. If they can discard a whole race of people mindlessly, they probably will have zero tolerance for non-heterosexual relationships, transgendered folks, females in general, and don’t expect them to take kindly to anything that vaguely represents progress. Being a white supremacist is a gateway to being a terrible human being for the rest of your life, so don’t associate with these people.

Being a good parent means not instilling unnecessary fear into your children and teaching them to be decent human beings. I feel so sorry for his children who will carry this fear around them for the rest of their lives, believing that there is someone out there trying to get them. Even if they want to be decent people, trying to shake those deeply engrained racist thoughts will be a tough time.

Ok, he is fired. But NR/NRO didn’t have a problem with him until he published someplace else. He said what a lot of folks seem to agree with; one of which found his way here.

I don’t believe in censorship. Not even for a jerk like Derbyshire. What would have been better is for NR to get one of their boys to talk with him in publication and find out how much their shared in common.

What did they object too? They have said as much in many of their posts, writings and political reporting. The difference is that it is veiled and couch in terms that are easy to digest.

Bah. He will prosper from the firing. And he will continue to spread his toxicity to more folks. And a new, polished and not so blatant Derbyshire will take his place.

Unfortunately, the fact of the matter is that white people, by and large, are not the ones creating gangs, ganging up on people and kicking them in the head, rioting and vandalizing stores, raping and killing elderly people, etc. Black men are in prison at a hugely disproportionate rate for a reason. To think that this is due to a ‘racist system’ is simply self-delusion. Victims identify their attackers as black at the same rates they are imprisoned.

Black neighborhoods are more dangerous than white neighborhoods, in general. Black-run cities are generally poorly-run and in decline. Black schools are hotbeds of violence. I mean, come on. You don’t see metal detectors at suburban schools where most of the kids are white, but when white schools shift to being mostly black, drugs and violence skyrocket.

And while whites can also be slackers, the attitude you get from black people in cushy government jobs takes the cake. The head-waving and finger-wagging and rude profane talk is something lots of blacks seem proud of. Well, it’s not something to be proud of…

All this is obvious to most white people in the U.S. The civil thing to do is simply to avoid blacks. It’s stressful, frustrating, and potentially dangerous to deal with the problematic aspects of black attitude and culture, and we don’t need to subject ourselves to it.

The fact of the matter is that if middle-class and upper-middle-class whites want to maintain the civilized and peaceful lifestyle they naturally prefer, they need to avoid much interaction with blacks. We like to live peaceful, nice, loving, tranquil, law-abiding lives. We don’t like argumentation, fighting, attitude, etc. Derbyshire’s article was common sense to most of the people I know, but they would never be able to admit it…

Wow, “anon” clearly doesn’t understand what a happens when you have a systematically racist society that provides no support and that keeps people of colour below poverty lines with poor education.

You say that black people shouldn’t be proud of their behavior. Do you know what you don’t have to be proud of? Feeling like you are superior to all people because your skin is white. Looking at a society problem, an ingrained, long-term society problem, and saying “well, that there is a problem because that race is different than my race”. You talk about avoiding “blacks” like avoiding wild animals. That they are this unpredictable, totally different species that you wish not to relate to. How can anyone believe this? People of colour are just that – PEOPLE.

Derbyshire’s article was common sense if you are a white supremist. It’s common sense if you have been raised in a racist community by racist parents who promote values supported by racism. I hope that one day you get over yourself, and get over your ingrained fear of people of colour, and please (PLEASE) don’t raise your children in the same racist, closed minded, ignorant, arrogant, hating, rude environment. You say you would like to live in a “peaceful, nice, loving, tranquil, law-abiding” life? What is so loving about hating people based on their colour? Are you going to achieve peace by terrifying yourself and your children from associating with a whole race of people? Does tranquility mean building walls of hate around yourself? Does the law say that you should discriminate against people of colour?

You are the one who is hateful, self deluded, and honestly, how hard is it to keep justifying your hate? Are you proud of all the excuses you have to come up to hate a whole race of people? Do you ever stop and think that if you were right in your beliefs, you wouldn’t have to justify them to the world?

It’s stressful, dangerous, and problematic to deal with you, “anon”. You are the hate in this country that makes it dangerous for everyone. You are the one that is a danger to whole communities of people. It would do me well to avoid interaction with you. I tell my children that whenever there are a**holes around, especially in high concentrations, they should get out of there. I think if I ever saw you, I’d book it. That is, if you ever were overtly racist. But clearly, you can think this in your own sick little head and we never will know in the real world. That’s the part that is the most frightening. I am scared for our children and our communities, because of people like you.

I don’t hate anybody, and I really don’t care what their skin color is. It’s not about ‘hate’ at all, and I don’t know why everyone throws that word around. It’s about how people behave. It’s about how people treat each other. It’s about whether they create conflict and violence. I would say the same thing about them if there were groups of german people with the same problems.

Unfortunately, I myself have seen, and statistics have shown, that black people are more dangerous than whites, on average. It’s not their skin I care about, it’s their violent and destructive behavior and attitude!

And a lot more black people are inscrutable savages than whites — I mean, what kind of human being rapes and murders an elderly couple in their own home? What kind of human beings gang up on defenseless young people and repeatedly kick them in the head until they are dead? “WTF?” is just about the only response possible.

These are just a couple of recent events in the news. Have you heard of whites doing that sort of thing much? Sure, there is the odd serial killer, but this epidemic of violence throughout entire schools and communities? Nope. We are just different. We are not like that, and don’t want that violence and negative attitude around our families. That is the reason for ‘white flight.’ So we can live peaceful lives apart from the pathologies of black communities.

As for societal support, my ancestors didn’t have crap for support when they came to the U.S. Just themselves. I honestly don’t care whether they need support or not. I have to think about MY family and my community, and keep them safe. If that means excluding people who bring a destructive and violent culture, so be it.

And why do you think they have a poor education? Ever been to a black public school? The kids don’t give a flying ****. They refuse to be orderly and calm and learn. They don’t care, and they won’t listen to authority.

The fact is, we provide everyone a chance to learn. If they screw it up, what are you gonna do? You would have to expel half the kids in those schools just to make it a reasonable environment for learning, and then you would complain that the expelled kids “lacked the opportunity for an education.”

My mother is a person of colour. You called her, and all her ancestors, inscrutable savages. To her, you are dangerous because your hateful views limit, stereotype, and insult to the core. You are dangerous because you say “hey, I hate a handful of people for violent behavior, so let’s just apply that to a whole race of people then I can extend that racism in a guise of self protection”.

Your logical application of statistics is not some hum-dee-dum-being-reasonable activity. Saying that you should avoid a race because you think that race is dangerous is racist. Being hateful creates hateful societies where it is okay to hate people of colour. That is dangerous. It creates an environment where hurting and limiting people of colour is justified. It creates places where it’s okay to hate someone, and that is never a good thing. Don’t say that it’s like running away. You are creating a hostile environment. That’s like throwing rocks. You can’t throw rocks at someone and say “hey, I was just doing it in case they are dangerous. I’m just calling them horrible and violent and hostile and lazy and unworthy and useless and inferior because they might be, and that’s good enough for me.”

You have the privilege to “not care about skin colour” then turn around and say that most blacks are probably murdering elderly couples in their own home. You have the privilege to think “hey my ancestors managed to start from the bottom up, just because they were overtly oppressed for centuries and continue to be oppressed in many subtle, and completely non-subtle ways, doesn’t mean they can’t get up and do it too! I don’t mind if they try, I’ll just keep judging and hating them and they should be fine.”

I normally try not to get into conversations like this, because people can say incredibly hateful, upsetting things very easily and usually I just brush it off and recognize why it is so important to educate people on what racism means and how it is expressed. This, however, is a nice blog. With nice points of view. That supports mommy-blogging, which is a great community of people. Go haunt a youtube forum if you want someone to justify your hate and bigotry. Go educate yourself on what racism means, how it can be expressed, and how it affects the groups that experience it. I don’t want to have a back and forth on whether you think that a side of my family counts as real, functioning members of society (or animals, as you so kindly put it). I don’t need validation from you. It does, however, deeply sadden me that you feel so right in holding your very wrong beliefs.

Well, in terms of parenting, I think it would be naive for anyone not to discuss these issues with their kids. From my perspective, they should discuss the dangers of black culture, and the fact that not everyone grew up in a nice, reasonable family. Some people think it’s funny to beat someone up, rob them, and leave them naked on the sidewalk, as in the video link I posted. Kids should know that you find those people more in black areas.

And there is nothing wrong with trying to keep negative influences out of your life, or your childrens’ lives. When you see patterns of negative influences, as a parent, you have to take notice. It doesn’t hurt anyone else for me to leave their society alone and build my own community separate from them.

I see the ‘I don’t hate anyone and I”m really not a racist’ idiots have decided to show up.

If you want to have a civil discussion on race, first off, you put your name on the comment. Just for being ‘anon’ I would and could easily moderate your insane comments and get rid of them. However I think they serve as a very good reminder of what smart and loving people are actually up against: horribly uneducated and fearful mobs of Americans who have NO CLUE how or why things are they way they are or HOW OR WHY they came to be. And what is worse, they seem to feel zero personal responsibility to educate themselves on history, or on the current system and how it FAILS people of color because it is inherently racist.

Oh I’ve seen it before… ‘anon’ and his or her buddies are reading this right now shaking their heads doing the ‘yeah right, whatever’ and discounting things like critical race theory or very simple institutionalized racism. I challenge each of them to read up on the topics…and truly attempt to walk a mile and dig deeper into those prison stats. Ask themselves WHY, HOW, and WHO… the who being of particular importance considering there are only so many ways to hold on to power, and to keep people oppressed.

They don’t understand institutionalized racism so they blame violence by African Americans or crime by African Americans on simply them being ‘savages.’ – That word alone is very telling.

I think the only ‘savage’ in this conversation is the coward who can’t even leave his/her name with their uneducated, backwoods, redneck, ridiculous comments.

Oh and Anon, you clearly are NOT keeping up with the news if you’d have the nerve to say something that outrageous given the Tulsa shootings.

And we talk to our children about dangerous people and areas and families but it has nothing to do with SKIN COLOR and everything to do with economics and just plain evil. I’d certainly steer them clear of YOUR home simply due to the hate and ignorance being spouted.

I recommend that Anon read _The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness_.

I live in Baltimore, a majority black city with a tremendous number of black men in prison. And tremendously poor schools. And tremendously high unemployment.

These things don’t just happen. It is a fact that more black men are in prison today then were enslaved in 1850. Imagine, if you can’t (I can’t, though I do try) what my life might be like if I lived in a community where a significant portion of fathers, brothers, male cousins, uncles, etc. were missing. Simply gone to prison for some period of time. Ask yourself how your life might be different by their continued absence.

Dear Anon,
Bad people do bad things. Period. Ultimately, children need to be taught that there is evil in the world and that the only way to counter it is with love. I intend to teach my children (when I have them) about privilege and how fortunate they are to have the life they’ll have.
I’ve heard stories of terrible acts of violence committed by white youths too. Does anyone remember the teenagers who thought that they were vampires and murdered people to drain them of their blood? Does that mean that white people are savages? What about youths in general? When our then-vice-president shot someone, were rich white men immediately portrayed as criminals? There is crime everywhere. Criminals are bad, regardless of their genetic makeup.
Most high schoolers I’ve met “refuse to be orderly and calm and learn. They don’t care, and they won’t listen to authority.” That’s a hallmark of teenage rebellion. Most school shooters are white males.
You insist you aren’t racist but your arguments stink of racism. You may not ‘hate’ people on the basis of their skin color but you certainly don’t like them.
Forgetting discussions about racism for a minute, when did it become okay to speak poorly of ANYONE in generalizations? We all do it. (Hello, I just stereotyped high schoolers as rebels.) “Love thy neighbor” used to be a tenet that people adhered to. Respect was something we taught our children and modeled for them on a regular basis. I’m ashamed to say that I’m part of a culture (Americans) who teach intolerance instead of love.

Dear Erin,
I love you and your friends and your kids. With all the hatred in the comments, I thought you could use some extra love.

I know it may be hard to fathom, but it really is not hate. I may be racist by your definition, as I recognize patterns of behavior and common qualities which are more prevalent among blacks, but I don’t ‘hate’ people for their race any more than you hate children for misbehaving when they don’t know any better. Sure, that may seem patronizing but it is not hatred. Words have meaning.

You also may find it hard to believe I’m highly educated, speak more than 3 languages, and have traveled and lived all over the world.

My racism is based on a combination of facts, statistics, and personal experience. If you even begin to research this issue with an open mind, it is extremely hard not to come to the same conclusions I have. And I was not raised to believe any race was any different than any other. I was simply unable to maintain that belief (and it really is nothing more than that) after seriously considering and researching the issue.

I must remain anonymous because of the very real consequences of discussing this issue honestly. Your post was about Derbyshire being fired. I think it is truly sad that one must remain anonymous simply to speak the truth about a pressing social issue.

I certainly wish I could believe that all races are ‘equal’. Unfortunately, they aren’t, and it’s undeniable if you look at the evidence.

You can bury your head in the sand all you want, but I hope you don’t send your kids to a school that’s mostly black. For their sake. And I challenge you to find one such school on par with white suburban schools.

Enough said. I know there are lurkers here who realize I speak the unfortunate truth. Make up your own minds and do your own research. Put your kids’ and families’ safety ahead of wishful thinking about race.

“My racism is based on a combination of facts, statistics, and personal experience. If you even begin to research this issue with an open mind, it is extremely hard not to come to the same conclusions I have. And I was not raised to believe any race was any different than any other. I was simply unable to maintain that belief (and it really is nothing more than that) after seriously considering and researching the issue.”

I do come into these discussions with an open mind, and there is no way in hell that I think I could possibly come to the same conclusion as you, ANON.

Dear Anon – do not blame children for failing schools. Every child can learn. No matter what. There are larger structural issues at hand in failing schools. It is much more complex than you’re stating – and it often DOES have to do with racism – allowing failing schools at all is horrendous. Allowing them for years and years is criminal (or should be). Do not blame children for bad schools – blame adults.

It may be hard for you to believe that my mother, a person of colour has a *gasp* degree! And *gasp* speaks 2 languages fluently! I myself am halfway through a physics degree with a minor in statistics. Is that not shocking??? People of colour can do math AND they somehow manage to restrain themselves from robbing people all the time. It must be hard, seeing as we are inferior and have a difficult time controlling ourselves. Like I said, go haunt the youtube forums, you’ll find more of your kind there and then I’ll get to read less hate when I visit my favourite blogs.

Am I suprised that you are, in fact educated AND racist? Color me not-at-all-surprised.