Wednesday, December 31, 2014

So, MSD has finally
called it quits as far as the longer version of cricket is concerned. As has
happened countless times in the past, as soon as the team starts doing badly,
people start discovering villains. And more often than not, it is the captain who
is given all the blame.

Actually, the crux
of the problem it seems is that people cannot accept a loss even if it occurs
in a sport. If it wasn’t about winning some AND losing some, sport wouldn’t
have been sport in the first place.

For a lot many
years, it was taken for granted that if the Zimbabwe team was playing a cricket
match, it was certain to lose it. Not that the Zimbabwe players didn’t give
their best. It was just that the other teams were better than them. But still
they kept on trying until they started winning and people started taking them
seriously. The opposite was taken for granted for the once indomitable West
Indies team.

In sport, people
and teams face defeats. But more than the result, it is the game itself that
provides all the joy and entertainment. Supremely talented sportspersons lose,
but they still provide moments of bliss to those who watch them play. The final
result of a game just adds to the excitement and just adds up in the record
books.

But we, the people
of today are obsessed with the result. And that too a positive one. People are
happy as long as the team wins. Even if it wins on the basis of a stupid rule
after the game being interrupted by rain.

So it’s no wonder
that people want a person who provides them with wins. At any cost. And this
goes not just for sport but even about political leaders of the country.

Another thing which
is baffling is how we spontaneously equate talent with leadership. We take it
for granted that a player who is more talented in playing skills than others
will automatically be a better leader. We did this with Sachin Tendulkar. But
he was intelligent and insightful enough to understand the difference between
talent and leadership.

A leader in sport
is not always the best player of the team. He is someone who can bind the players
as a team and is able to extract the maximum out of them in terms of
performance. He is one who inspires the team in times of low confidence. And
above all, he should be someone who conducts himself as an ambassador of his
team and country in a respectful way.

MSD was is the
example of a leader in the true sense. Not losing his cool and maintaining a
level head even in tough situations were the qualities exemplified by him.

But I would
personally never like to have the leader of a group of players who represent my
country as a person who doesn’t even know the basic levels of decency while on
the playing field. Ricky Ponting was a very talented cricketer. And a highly
successful captain too. But was he a good ambassador for cricket or his country
? NO !

It is extremely sad
to see how people prefer a misbehaving (though highly talented) captain to lead
and represent the country. Maybe because they expect him to produce victories
for the team which eventually add up in the record books. For people today, a
victorious result brings a strange sense of satisfaction irrespective of how
the game was played. After all, people are obsessed with victories. At any
cost.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Under the influence of my very old habit of keenly observing the people
around me, I have often wondered… do people submit to oppression easily ? The
immediate response to this question comes as an obvious ‘NO’. No they don’t.

Unless there is this issue of hierarchy involved.

Hierarchies… we are simply surrounded by the concept in our daily
lives. Be it the workplace or relationships, it is rare for a person to escape
the effects of hierarchy. Effects which are mostly (if not always) negative.
Negative though, for the one who is placed at a lower level in the ladder of
hierarchy. Whereas, the so called superior enjoys the benefits of this very
ladder of hierarchy.

A daughter-in-law quietly tolerates the whims of her mother-in-law. An
assistant lives by the commands of the boss at work. A ‘junior’ college student
is ruled by the ‘seniors’. Hierarchy works almost everywhere.

But what is it that drives those placed low in the hierarchy submit so
meekly to those placed higher up ? From the looks of it, the very obvious
answer would be the need for survival. To maintain a peaceful relationship with
the in-laws. Or the necessity to keep holding on to the job. Or the so called
benefits to be had from the ‘experienced’ seniors.

All the above reasons seem very logical. But beneath this practice of
observing the protocols of hierarchy, there exists a sense of anticipation. The
anticipation to grab the powerful position one day and exercise it over one’s
future subordinates.

Very recently, I was witness to a cultural program at a government
medical college. The highlight of the show was a small skit by the first year
students who portrayed the life of a ‘fresher’ which also included the menace
of ragging by the seniors. And as the students acting as seniors abused and
threatened the ones acting as the ‘freshers’, it extracted a big applause from
the entire audience including many professors watching the show who seemed to
enjoy it very much.

Maybe they remembered their own days of harassment at the hands of
their ‘superiors’ which eventually made way for the happy days when they were
able to harass their own subordinates. It appeared to be a sweet recall of the
pain and then the pleasure. And the bliss of revenge.

I have always found it strange how someone can cozy up to the very
person who abused them physically, mentally or verbally. How people are able to
befriend and ‘respect’ those who harassed them just a few days back ? It never
did sum up as per my thinking abilities.

But now, it is a lot clearer to me after understanding the ways of
hierarchy and the sadistic pleasure it brings once a person has been able to
tide over the rough and tough days of being a subordinate. The pleasure of
tormenting a subordinate is way too grand for anyone to remember the abuse
their abusers meted out to them.

The delusional sense of superiority is good enough to forget the real
pain and hurt of inferiority. The cycle continues from being real to being
delusional. But as long as it ends on a happy note, people just don’t care.

Friday, October 31, 2014

Recently, on the way back from an
official trip for academic purposes, the colleagues and me made a stop-over at
Amritsar for a day. We visited the 'Golden Temple' and the 'Jallianwalla Bagh' as
is almost mandatory for any visitor to Amritsar. However, I was anticipating
our visit to a place called the ‘Wagah border’ which is known to be the point
of entry into India from Pakistan and vice versa.

We actually didn’t plan to stroll in to
Pakistan territory, but were repeatedly advised to visit the ‘Wagah border’ by
people who had been there before. The reason for the interest in that place
seemed to emerge due to a daily exhibition of a ‘Beating retreat’ ceremony that
marks the lowering of flags of the two countries by their security forces on
each side of the border.

After making utter gluttons of ourselves
over the famous ‘Amritsari thalis’ and ‘Kulchas’, we set of for the border in
the heat of the afternoon with a jolly old Sardarji as our guide cum driver.

But as soon as we were dropped off about
one kilometer from the actual site of the event, I could sense a strange
feeling one experiences on arriving at a cricket match. There were people with
boxes of colors in one hand and brushes in the other literally chasing and
harassing the visitors to get the national flag painted on their face. Others
were harassing the visitors into buying snacks and bottles of water. The scene
appeared no less than a picnic spot. We somehow managed to escape those
harassers.

After half an hour worth’s walk in the
sun (which was a welcome option after all the over-eating) and surviving long
queues on at least three security check points, we finally reached the site of
action. The venue consisted of public stands made on either side of the Grand
Trunk road on each side of the border with a couple of gates separating the two
sides in the middle of the road.

We soon realized the futility of
reaching the stand comparatively early as all the over-excited spectators
decided to view the proceedings (even if nothing had begun yet) while standing.
We decided it better to move to the edge of the stand to be able to catch
glimpses by trying to stand on our toes.

Instantly, a tall man in a white sports
suit emerged with a mic in his hand and greeted all the spectators (on the
Indian side, obviously). He then gave a brief introduction about the ceremony
and notified everyone about the slogans that would be shouted.

It was then that we noticed rows of
chairs on each side of the road in front of the stands. And then we realized
that they were meant for VIP and VVIP visitors who wanted to have a ringside
view of the proceedings. We were still discussing whether those seats were paid
or not when suddenly movie songs suggestive of patriotism started playing on
the loudspeakers all around.

On seeing the crowd in the stands
bursting into a resounding cheer, I stood on my toes to see what it was all
about. And there, in the middle of the road were large groups of females of
various ages having the time of their lives dancing on the beats of the songs.

It looked rather like a typical ‘baraat’,
the only addition being a few Indian flags being waved by some of the enthusiastic
dancers. How the entire crowd comprehended it as something highly patriotic was
beyond me.

Soon, I could make out something very
similar going on across the other side of the border. The dancing, waving and
shouting continued for almost half an hour during which I had several bouts of
reasoning whether or not it was a mistake to visit this place.

Thankfully, this extravagant display of
patriotism ended and we saw a few of the troops marching out for what appeared
to be the serious part of the ceremony. But we soon realized that it was just
the formal part of the competition; a competition which the two countries
indulge in every day.

A competition about –

Whose troops are taller and smarter…

Whose commanding personnel can shout
louder and longer…

Whose soldiers are more aggressive in
the routine…

The crowd on which side can over-shout
the other…

And ultimately, who displays more
patriotism than the other.

While the dedication of the security
forces is unparalleled, it was really disheartening to see the results of the
ceremony which the crowds on either side of the border took away with them. A
sense of patriotism in any form is always welcome but what each country can do
without, especially at this point of time, is the sense of aversion, hostility
and distrust.

The mutual lowering of the national
flags should signify mutual trust and confidence between the two sides. The
flags are indeed lowered. But only after the crowd on each side is assured that
they are better than the other and the other side cannot be trusted.

It is ironic that on each side of the
border, on the monumental gateways bearing the names and flags of India and
Pakistan, there appear the pictures of the fathers of both the nations. It
seems as if people on both the sides are ready to take on each other on behalf
of their ‘father of the nation’.

But I’m sure that both M.K. Gandhi and
M.A. Jinnah wouldn’t have expected being forced to face off each other so many
years after independence.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Just
the other day I was talking to my five year old nephew on the phone as he was
busy describing to me, his new adventures in school. Having heard enough, I tried
to change the topic of the conversation.

“What
did you have for lunch today?” I asked.

“Pasta…..”
He replied.

“Pasta…
??” I checked again.

“Pastaaa…
Faastaa… Fast thaaa…” I was on fast… he clarified in his kiddy voice.

On
further enquiry I came to know that the poor kid was fasting due to the ongoing
‘Navratras’ (nine days of the Goddess).

To
say that I was exasperated on hearing this would be an understatement. I mean,
here was a little kid of five, who jumps for joy at the mere sight of the ‘M’
of McDonalds. To have him kept hungry for a whole day just to please the
Goddess is laying it on a bit thick.

Okay…
there are people who are very religious and hopefully they understand whatever
logic they seem to follow by observing rituals. But what sense does a five year
old kid have about religion, rituals and anything of that sort ?

Or
are the ‘sensible’ adults promoting their religious devotion by forcing rituals
on little kids ?

All
humans who follow a certain religion, do so because they happen to be born into
that religion (except those who convert). So automatically, they learn (are
taught) that their faith is the only true faith. This learning eventually turns
into belief which quite often results in fanaticism.

We
identify a child by her or his religion right from the time of birth. But no
one cares to ascertain which religion does the child wants to follow.
Obviously, a new born cannot even decide upon the bladder/bowel functions, let
alone be able to choose his religion.

Right
from the time of birth up to an age of maturity (which is taken to be as 18),
it is obvious that a person cannot judge the pros and cons of a religion.
Hence, a person below the age of 18 is unable to make independent choices.

So,
I wonder that why should any person below the age of 18 years (or before
attaining mental maturity) be known to be following a certain religion ? Once
he or she attains maturity, a person should be free to choose from the
available set of religions as per their own logic.

In
other words, people below 18 years of age should NOT have any religion to
follow. Unless a person is mature and aware enough to make choices, how can he
or she know that his own religion is the best ?

Abolishing
religious identity of all people below the age of maturity would help to
prevent religious fundamentalism and fanaticism to a certain extent. Hence, a
person should have a choice to choose his religion instead of being forced into
following one by mere chance by birth.

I
hope such a day becomes a reality in the future when people are able to choose
their religion.

Though
I guess people will hardly bother to think about religion, let alone choose one
for themselves if they grow into sensible adults without being forced into
following a religion by birth.

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Once again, the
debate on English versus the Indian languages (specially Hindi) is hitting the
national news. Some people seem to have a big problem with the UPSC testing the
Civil Services aspirants in basic English proficiency in its entrance test.

(Intellectual bankruptcy.... what else ??)

Earlier, I had
written a post on the use of English as compared to the regional languages for
higher education in India, when a loonie baba suggested that all higher
education in India should be conducted in Hindi or the regional language.

Once all such
ridiculous ideas are demolished through logic, such people turn to the issue of
nationalism which they think is automatically associated with language.

What such people
fail to understand is that a language is a means of communication. It is NOT
the parameter to assess one’s patriotism.

A person may have a
particular mother tongue. But it is not necessary that his or her mother tongue
is understandable to most of the people that person wants to communicate with.
Thus, if that person uses another language to communicate with other people, it
does not automatically imply that he or she is being disrespectful to the
mother tongue.

A person may be
living and working away from his hometown and his parents in another place. And
therefore, instead of his parents, he interacts with his colleagues and boss on
a regular basis rather than his parents. Will that mean he becomes
disrespectful to his parents simply because he is not interacting with them on
a daily basis ? Similar logic.

Most ‘patriots’ who
shout for the use of Hindi or other regional languages instead of English do so
because of their negative views for the British who once ruled India. But they
forget that English is not the Queen’s property. Yes, the British Empire once
ruled almost the entire world. But one good thing that resulted from it is that
it provided a common language of communication for people from various parts of
the world.

My mother tongue is
Hindi, but I’m writing this post in English. That doesn’t turn my loyalties
towards the United Kingdom. Neither does it imply that I disregard Hindi or I’m
disrespectful towards Hindi. I’m writing in English in order to put across my
thoughts, whether good or bad or right or wrong, to people not just across
India but across the world.

Often, when I visit
a blog directory such as ‘Indiblogger’, I come across some popular blogs by
people which are in their regional language. However much I would like to read
their views, I cannot do so since I do not understand that language. Similarly,
a person from another region of India would be unable to understand my blog if
I were to write it in Hindi. So, either I have to learn another person’s
language or he has to learn mine in order to communicate our views to each
other.

English serves that
purpose easily and efficiently bringing people on an equal platform instead of
one learning the other’s language. The same goes for people from different
parts of the world.

And when people
give the examples of Russia, China, Germany, etc. to suggest that they still
use their own language instead of resorting to English, they simply show their
ignorance about the fact that even these countries are turning to English in
order to reach out globally in every field.

And yes, the above
countries are more or less homogeneous in the composition of their populations
regarding language. India, on the other hand, is not a homogenous country. It
is in fact, a Union of States with different cultures and languages. It’s
similar in comparison if we consider the European Union to be one country. No
wonder we don’t have a single national language and hence need to depend on
English as a common language of communication.

So, instead of
hating a language just because it is associated with a certain population,
people should understand that a language is simply a mode of communication. One
should not compare and classify languages, let alone use it as a tool to
determine one’s patriotism.

And, instead of
changing the education system according to one’s language proficiency, it is
much better and easier to be educated in a common language of communication
from the beginning along with one’s mother tongue and other regional languages.

Monday, June 30, 2014

Of late, I’ve been quite distracted while spending my time reading on
the internet. Whether it is a news report or a random message by an old school
mate, my attention has continuously been drawn to the use of apostrophes.

Ok, I’m no expert in the English language as such, but all along since
learning to read and write English, I have had a particular concept regarding
the use of apostrophes. Having come across at least a dozen instances in the
past week which contradicted my own concept of apostrophes, I was forced to
re-check whether I had been carrying a wrong concept all these years.

To my relief, I found that I wasn’t wrong with my concept of using
apostrophes after all.

The very first thing that brought my attention to this issue was a
message by an old school mate on Facebook where he wrote friend’s to call out
to all his friends. I would thus like to clarify the correct usage of
apostrophes to avoid such mistakes while writing.

1. An
apostrophe is used to indicate ownership by a proper noun.

An apostrophe with an "s" after a proper noun indicates that the
person, place or thing owns whatever noun follows his or her name.

Example : John’s apples; India’s flag; car’s tyre, etc.

2. Don’t use an apostrophe to indicate a plural.

If you have more than one apple, then write apples, not apple's.

Many friends = correct; many friend’s
= wrong.

3. Don't use an
apostrophe to indicate ownership when using "it".

The reason for this is to avoid confusion between "its" used for
possession and "it's" used as a contraction of "it is."

4. Use apostrophes
in contractions.

Sometimes, especially in informal
writing, apostrophes are used to indicate one or more missing
letters.

Examples : "don't" is short for "do not"; “She’s” is
short for “She is”; “It’s” is short for “It is”.

I hope this helps people to avoid small mistakes while using
apostrophes when they write.

Monday, May 26, 2014

Since times immemorial, the lives of women (especially in India)
have been controlled by other people (including other women). Somehow people
discover ways to dominate women by exploiting issues that make them feel
vulnerable.

But it is all the more shocking to know that women are
dominated/controlled/ridiculed for the very reasons that make them different
from men. And one such reason is the occurrence of cyclical physiologic events
that a woman experiences as a result of possessing a specialized reproductive
system. Yes, I’m talking about menstrual cycles.

But instead of acknowledging it as a normal and physiologic
activity, people go to the extent of attaching a sense of impurity with a
woman’s monthly cycles.

Just imagine a scenario where a newly wed woman is forced
expected to perform some rituals or prayers in order to provide her husband’s
family a male heir. But once it is known that she is in the middle of ‘those’
days, she is immediately pronounced as untouchable and quarantined into a
remote corner of the house.

How can a normal natural physiological process render a
person impure ? How can a Goddess/God distance herself/himself from one of
her/his own creation just because that creation was functioning normally ?

Do women really need to pray to such a Goddess/God ?

But it is all the more depressing when one finds women (even
young in age) themselves accepting the ridiculous idea of being impure. Someone
once told me that this impurity is actually logical as women in the process of
bleeding would contaminate things they come in contact with. Thus they are
prohibited to enter temples or touch objects (including containers of food)
during ‘those’ days.

I ask, what if the son of the house, having injured himself
falling off his cycle (pun intended) comes to the house bleeding from several
places. Would he be considered impure too ? Would he be prohibited from moving
about and touching things too ? But I guess we all know the answer.

The discrimination mentioned above happens only when it is
known to others when a woman is menstruating. But the shame associated with it
is so much that more often than not, it remains taboo. Even if a female is
going through the worst possible effects (symptoms which include severe cramps,
depression, fatigue, etc.) she cannot disclose the reason for the fear of being
shamed.

Ignorance and insensitivity towards a completely normal
physiological process makes life horrible for most females in a country like India. Having
read quite a bit about the experiences of many females it is evident that even in urban areas, it is not easy for
a female to tackle menarche.

Just spare a thought for the millions of girls in rural India who have
no access to even the help from a confidant and/or knowledgeable mother, or to
the knowledge of health education and health products, let alone have an access
or freedom to go to a pharmacy. Add to it the presence of uneducated and
insensitive people all around and one just shudders at the thought.

No wonder most young girls in rural India are
forced to give up going to a school because of the above mentioned reasons. It
is one of the most serious reasons for the pathetic female literacy rate,
specially in rural India. Our country needs awareness, sensitization and health measures for all such females in rural areas. Even better if the government can provide free hygiene products from the Primary Health Centres across the country.

Many schools in cities are known to conduct sessions to
educate young girls about the health issues they are expected to face. But more
often than not, the boys are kept out of such sessions. What people tend to
forget that boys need as much sensitization towards such issues as girls, if
not more. If young men are not educated about such gender-based issues, they
will grow up being insensitive towards their female counterparts and will end
up using such issues as a means of ridicule or jokes.

Why should a girl be made to feel ashamed of a completely
natural process ? Why should she be denied a chance to explain the reason for
her sickness ? Our country needs serious awareness regarding normal female
physiology (specially for males) in order to tackle the inherent gender
discrimination in our society.

For all the males who think that a female’s periods are
something funny or ridiculous……. Grow up !

For all the people (including nosey MILs and grannys) who
think that every girl becomes impure for some time every month……. Get a life,
and let others live theirs !

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Of late, I have been wondering about what is it that makes a
person respect another person. By this I don’t mean the respect every human
should have towards every living being (or maybe even non-living objects). That
is a type of a passive respect that is expected from every human.

My question about respect is directed towards the active
variety where a person respects another person for some reason which is more
than just for being alive.

We respect certain people for certain reasons. And mostly,
we don’t even realize whether or not we are offering our respect to the person
who actually deserves it. The following are some of the reasons for which we
tend to respect (or at least pretend to respect) certain people.

Age

Experience

Knowledge

Wisdom

Position

Fear

Age – This is one of the most common reasons for someone to
show respect to another person. It is almost taken for granted that someone who
has seen more years in life automatically deserves to be respected. But at
times, even older people have certain flaws which make them undeserving to receive
respect. Can a person who mistreats his or her children or other younger family
members be deserving respect ? So, age cannot be the single criterion for
respect.

Experience – This factor, though somewhat related to age, is
another reason why people are respected. People tend to learn from more
experienced persons, and hence, respect those who are more experienced. But can
mere experience make a person deserving enough to get respect ? Can a highly
experienced policeman who accepts bribes and drinks while on duty be respected
by a newly recruited policeman ?

Knowledge – Another factor which determines whether or not a
person gets respect from others. A person may be highly qualified and educated
but may still not be deserving enough to receive respect. An abusive teacher or
a selfish scientist may both be highly educated, but they cannot be respected
only because of their academic achievements.

Wisdom – This is one factor that is closest to being the
best reason for any person to be respected. It actually shows a person’s
ability to put both experience and knowledge to the best of use. But can a
person be respected who instead of using his wisdom for constructive activities
uses it for destructive purposes ? Some of our politicians are the best
examples.

Position – Or hierarchy is another common reason why some
people respect others superior to them. It is mostly, if not always, the norm
to respect the boss or senior even if he or she is the most abusive person
around. Even gross incapabilities of being a civilized human being are overlooked while giving (or pretending to
give) respect to a superior. But is such a respect really deserved ?

Fear – Finally, people tend to respect others out of fear.
It is usually money-power or muscle-power which scares people into respecting
those who possess it. It is very common to find students respecting their
seniors (who ragged them) out of fear. And don’t we see wealthy people being
given special respect in various situations ? Such type of respect is probably
the worst amongst the reasons for respecting someone.

But what people often forget is that it is the character of
an individual that enables him or her to command respect from others. A person
may not be wealthy, or highly educated, or elderly by age, or strong
physically. But it is his or her behavior with others and the power of his or
her character that truly makes a person really deserving of receiving respect
from others. A person with impeccable character and good behavior towards
others will always command respect irrespective of any other reason.

If only everyone could concentrate on these aspects before
respecting or pretending to respect others…

Monday, March 31, 2014

Sometimes, it becomes really interesting to imagine what
life would be like on the other side of the fence. But at times, rather than
being interesting one can actually understand what life could be like if one is
on the wrong end of gender discrimination.

So, what if –

Female newborns were rejoiced while male fetuses were
aborted…

Little girls were given all the freedom to study, play and
enjoy life while the little boys were told to learn household work and do it
too…

Females could choose their careers and work to make
themselves financially independent, while males were married off to move to
their in-laws place to serve them and keep them happy…

Males would have to give up on their careers just for the
sake of the careers of their wife…

Husbands would stay at home and look after the kids while
the wife would go out for work…

All decisions for the household were made by the wife with
the husband having no say except for agreeing with his wife…

It would be the man’s responsibility to dress ‘appropriately’
and carry the symbols of being married…

The men wouldn’t be allowed to go out of the house after
dark while the females would move around till late nights…

Men would be subjected to suggestive stares and comments by
groups of women at public places, and even probably be stalked around by them…

A man being all alone at a deserted place would run the risk
of ‘adam-teased’ and being molested or raped by women…

After being molested or raped, the man would actually be
held responsible for the incident for dressing inappropriately and stepping out
of the house at the wrong time…

The list is endless. But just a few examples go on to show
how our society is so heavily imbalanced regarding equality and freedom between
the two genders. If only the males could put themselves in a female’s shoes and
understand this inequality, it would help to make the society just a bit more
sensitive towards gender equality.

I came across a video which depicts exactly how the world
would be if the majority (males) would be the ones who are oppressed.

Advisory * The video is NSFW (Not Safe For Work) viewing for
some crude language and unconventional visuals.*

Friday, February 28, 2014

Friday, January 31, 2014

“I’m not eating this…” I exclaimed to Mom while pointing to
the serving of a particular vegetable on my dinner plate with the spoon.

In fact, my demeanor wouldn’t have been much different had I
been turning away a half decomposed dead lizard with a stick.

With all due respects to all the vegetarians out there, but
there are more fingers in my right hand than the number of vegetables I find
palatable. And the present scenario was no exception.

I had barely made my point regarding my dislike towards the
sample of food when Mom declared – “Just wait till she comes…”.

Hearing that sentence has always made me wince. And it made
me wince again. For those of my new readers who still haven’t understood what
that sentence means, well, it is actually a warning used on me with reference
to my better half who is still missing from the scheme of things in my life.

Now, there are a lot of things that people dislike. Each one
of us has a lot of personal preferences regarding small things of everyday
life. And sometimes people expect us to change our habits or preferences
according to their liking.

But coming to the logic (or the lack of it) in the ‘threat’
that I’m often subjected to, why in the world would I want to marry someone
whose sole purpose in life seems to be to make me do all the things I dislike.

In other words I’m always in the process of being groomed to
make me suitable enough for marriage.

And then they expect me to show some interest in getting
married ! Really…

I mean you can’t just scare a kid by telling him ghost-stories
about a dark room and then push him to go and sleep in that very room. Doesn’t
work.

What I really don’t get is that why would anyone want to be
with someone for life who wants to change their likes and dislikes to their own
liking. The other day I was reading Red Handed’s post on how girls in India are
continuously under a grooming process for their life in the husband’s home
after marriage. As if a girl should have no personal identity of her own and
shouldn’t have any personal preferences in how she wants to lead her life.

But it is not too different for unmarried males as well who
are under the continuous pressure to act, dress, eat, sleep (and shop) in
certain ways that would attract a prospective bride.

And then they are continuously warned that marriage is
actually the turning point in their lives after which all the ‘faults’ in their
personality will be checked and corrected by none other than their future wife.

Why would I ever want to change anything about my life
partner ? She may have her own preferences in food, clothing and lifestyle in
general. Sounds silly to change the qualities and hence the identity of the
very person you like. The same logic applies the other way round.