October 25, 2012

I'm enjoying a beautiful morning! The windows are open with a fresh breeze blowing in. I've emailed, Facebook messaged and read a blog that sat with me like *woah*. You should probably read it here... especially if you have young kids. In fact, you should probably follow her. Anywho.. back to my morning. I'm sipping coffee in peace and have The Today Show on instead of Dora, UmiZoomi or Mickey Mouse.
That's right, friends. My husband is on leave from work for 2 weeks. Andrew kept talking about wanting a muffin this morning. He really loves nothing more than going to the "donut store", aka, Dunkin. (He will ONLY eat blueberry munchkins. He seriously won't touch any other type). Trey seized the moment to be the cool Dad, scooped him up and took him to the donut store. Andrew left the house jumping up and down yellowing out, "LET'S DO IITTTT". I think he's a happy kid this morning.

-Good Lord, that is a silly Chanel No. 5 commercial. Brad Pitt, I'm sorry, but you're not sexy. Just me?-
(See the things I get to witness when I'm kid-free??)

Back on track...

I'm choosing to ignore what kind of leave this is. If you're a Military family, you know. You know you get that sweet block of time before they deploy to spend as you wish. Say some "see you laters" to family. Go on a swanky vacation (I wish!!). Get last minute stuff in order.
Soon we head out for a few days to visit family and friends. I'm looking forward to it. Trey hasn't seen some of these people since Christmas last year and even that was just a quick visit for him. So some of them, the Christmas before. It'll be nice. I'm a little nervous. These trips home always end up being stressful for him. I hope he has the downtime he is expecting. I hope he gets to relax and just be. He needs this.. he needs a good trip! This is about all we could afford to do with moving me back home and all, and I know it's important for him to get some good time with his family, so I hope it's everything he needs it to be. Relaxing, enjoying quality time with family, not going-going-going all the time, basically.. a stress-free trip!

In the meantime, we're enjoying all of this time together! Much needed!Thank you for all of your sweet comments lately! And thanks for hanging in there with me! I'll probably be away for the next week or so, but I'll be back with stories and pictures :)

October 23, 2012

Wait! Don't go! I promise this won't be preachy. More just voicing my concerns really. Because, sometimes, I really just don't get it. Are any politicians in DC honest? Do you not feel like your being lied to no matter who is opening their mouths. I sure do. So, I sometimes feel hopeless. Like, what does it really matter. I still get out and I vote. Because I guess ultimately, I feel like I just have to pick the lesser of two evils. And if I'm not voting for the guy I prefer, I might as well vote for the other guy, but it's discouraging. In my opinion.

And the whole party system. I know there are people out there that vote strictly based on party. They will vote across the board democratic or republican no matter what. That seems scary to me. I would hope that every voter out there would check out all the facts, the facts that are put out there for them at least, because I think that's the best we can do. I mostly think they are just telling us what we want to hear, but you can at least go back and check out their past habits. I would never vote for Romney just because he is Rep. and vice versa. Makes me wish we could leave their party affiliation a secret until they are voted in. Force people to listen to the actual issues.

I don't like to talk to much about my political feelings. Mostly, I don't like to get into the debates. People have their opinions and your heated debate you are involving yourself in, is not going to change their minds. I'll admit, I like to read others' debates, but I can't waste my time or raise my blood pressure getting involved in them... usually. Those debates get ugly. I'm all for forming your own opinion and backing it up, go for it. I do hate to see it get ugly though. And ultimately, no matter how I feel about the President, we're talking about my husband's boss. You can disagree with your boss, or your husband's boss, but you wouldn't walk around publicly degrading him, right? So, for me, I like to stay away from it.
I got a little sidetracked. All of that to say, while I won't get into a debate about it, if someone asks me, I wouldn't shy away from telling them who I'm voting for. It's not something I'm ashamed of, nor should it be for anyone that is going the opposite way than me, so I have no problem sharing my choice. When it's time to cast my vote, I'll be voting for Romney. Not because I think he's perfect. Not because he's Republican. Because I think he's the lesser of two evils. Because I believe in him a little more than our current president.

I question even him though, which makes me feel even more hopeless. I know he's not up there speaking absolute truths. Two debates ago, when the subject of getting out of Afghanistan came up, he shied away from the topic. Said that (1) he didn't want to let our enemies know our exact timeline and (2) we'll get out when we're ready to get out. That he wouldn't start the draw down of troops until it was safe to do so. Therefore, not leaving the ones left behind in a more vulnerable position. (Ahem.. that is definitely all paraphrased, but definitely the same concept). And I was all for that. It made sense to me and I thought it was smart. Then last night he talked about being on board for the 2014 withdrawal, saying that we WILL be ready. Hello, contradiction. So how do I know which philosophy he really agrees with?

I'll still vote. And I'll take pride in voting. And I think we all should if possible. It's our American right. But as you can tell, I'm not extremely enthusiastic on the situation. Or fully trusting of the whole thing. Does anyone feel the same way? Or have anything to say to make me feel a bit better about the whole thing? Please, do tell.

October 19, 2012

Well, I put it off for as long as I felt safe doing, but our tickets are bought. Andrew and I officially have one-way tickets out of here.

I was in major get ISH done mode during Drew's naptime today and one thing on the list was to get those tickets purchased. I was on such a roll being super woman that I didn't think about what I was doing.. I just did it. And I felt good about FINALLY getting that done. Then like 10 minutes later, I randomly lost it. Like called-my-Mama-sobbing lost it.

I didn't even see it coming. Silly me. I know I say this every time, but it's so much more real now. His dates may switch up until the last minute and I took comfort in that. Because if we don't have a set in stone date that he's leaving, it's not real, right? But I know my date now. We fly home bright and early on the first of December. A one-way flight. We have a real countdown. And that makes things worse for me.

I'm looking forward to our block leave. To get a lot of minimally interrupted time together. (sorry in advance to family if I'm joined at the hip to him.. but not really sorry actually). But when we get back here, we'll have less than a month together. I'm not ready for that. Honestly, this will probably be the hardest part. The waiting. The counting down. The dread. The what-ifs. Yuck.

Time can just start to slow on down starting RIGHT NOW. I want to soak up every minute. Forgive me if I become a social recluse on nights and weekends! And bare with me around here friends. Things will start to look up. I do have a little boy I'll have to be positive for around the holidays and will have a new addition to blog all about in the new year!

October 12, 2012

*Thank you, really, THANK YOU, to those of you that did leave your thoughts on my last post or sent me a quick "thinking of you" text, no matter how much I gave the impression that I didn't want them. You guys make me feel normal and human.. and loved and cared about. So yeah... that meant a lot! That was a bad day emotionally... stay tuned.. I'm sure there is more to come.

Can I just talk about how much I LOVE second trimester pregnancy?? Especially late second trimester pregnancy? I'll ignore the fact that Baby Wes is all up in my ribs constantly, just like his brother, and how uncomfortable that is - because, my God, I cannot breath - and just talk about how amazing feeling him move all the time is.

I'm a sucker for these "my view" shots!

It's different this time around. For a few reasons, I think.

I knew what was happening last time, obviously, but I didn't really KNOW. I think it's hard for our minds to grasp the first time around. I mean, really?? There's a little human in there? Impossible. But then that little human comes out and you're like, "holllly cow!! I just grew that thing in my body!! And here he is! And he's real. And we REALLY just did that".
So now I get it. I know what's moving around in there. Like really KNOW. And I cannot wait to meet him. I'm beyond excited! Anxious, in the best way possible, to hold my sweet baby in my arms. To see those legs and arms that are going crazy in there to flail around in real life. To see Andrew fall into his roll as big brother. To see my parents get all of that newborn/baby time. Yeahh.. I'm ready.

Speaking of crazy, I'm feeling him move around ALL the time. He's so active in there and it just puts the biggest smile on my face. As much as I'm enjoying it, it's all a little bittersweet. So the second reason it's different this time around, and I know I've mentioned this already, but we're not planning on doing this again. I'll never be 23 weeks pregnant again. I'll never feel these jabs and kicks. Will I miss this? I'm sure I will.

So I'm savoring all of it this time. I'm soaking it all up. I find myself laying still and just feeling it all pretty often. Feeling him move and kick around in there. Resting my hand on my belling and trying to memorize every feeling. Because I know that I will miss this. "Relax and enjoy every minute of your pregnancy. It's the only time in your life you get to assist God in a miracle"- Erma Bombeck.

It's a pretty amazing miracle, that's for sure! And I don't take one bit of it for granted.

October 10, 2012

I know I mentioned a while back that my key coping mechanism for the upcoming deployment was denial. That was working really well for me. I was talking about it enough. I've been watching him pack. I've been going to FRG meetings and hearing about it. But I wasn't letting it sink through in my mind. It's been kind of easy with everything else I have to think about. Yard sales, moving, new baby, Andrew. Focusing on all of that stuff and keeping busy was working for me. Until I got on Twitter today.

I should have stayed the hell of Twitter, is what I should have done. Someone mentioned that I'll Be Home for Christmas was their favorite Christmas song. I read it and my heart either stopped beating completely or it just broke into a million little pieces.. I'm not sure which one. It definitely felt as though my world came crashing down around me - and it hasn't really put itself back together in the time being.

I keep repeating the lyrics in my head now. It's the worst song possible to have stuck in my head, but yet it won't get out. He WON'T be home for Christmas. I CAN'T count on him. It doesn't matter if there is snow or what decorations are hung.. he WON'T be here.. and I'm pissed. I'm so pissed off. (I feel like I'm going through stages of grief). Denial was a much better state to be in. I was happy there.

I don't know how I'll get through this holiday season. I just want it to be done and over with. I just need to get over that hump.

I don't know that I'll post this. I may in case someone else is feeling the same, but I may disable commenting. It feels so vulnerable putting this out there. And I don't really know what else to say. I don't know how to respond when someone tells me it's going to be okay.. and I don't think people know how to respond to me when I do put my feelings about this out there. It feels awkward.. or maybe that's just me. But, like always, I had to get it out somehow. And this is safer for me than opening up my mouth and making the words come out. Besides, how does one bring that up in conversation? "Hey, so-and-so! I got to thinking today and this finally feels real to me. And why yes, my heart is breaking and I'm scared shitless. Please pass the crackers. How is your day?" See? Awkward. So I put it here and I feel better, either way. Like a little bit of that weight is lifted just writing it down.

Time is flying by and crawling at the same time. I'm not sure how that's even possible. This is really happening, isn't it?

October 9, 2012

I'm getting really bad at pulling out my camera. I know it's because my memory card is just about full and I need to organize all of those pictures (Ughhhhhh), but that definitely means I'm falling behind. And it also means I have a whole post about our weekend without any cute Andrew pictures to break it up. Still interested? Keep reading.. I'll try to make it interesting. I may even steal pictures from friends on FB.

It was a 4-day weekend - my favorite kind! I've seen that meme going around on Pinterest and FB that says something like, "Woohooo, it's Friday!! Oh.. wait.. I'm a mom. It doesn't matter". Well, I beg to differ!! I still love my Fridays as much as any work-out-of-the-home girl! Fridays just mean something a little different to me now. They mean Daddy is home for two whole days!! Uninterrupted time as a family! More help for me! Later nights for us adults together! (not because Andrew will sleep in, but because somehow, it just seems okay). Breakfasts together as a family! Yes, I still do love my Fridays!

We had a fun 4-day weekend full of QT for the three of us. Lots of time spent with friends. A yard sale. A guys night at the bar and girls day at the mall. New purchases and a trip to the ER. No extra long weekend is complete without a trip to the ER, right?

Friday was spent entertaining Andrew and getting ready for the yard sale we were having Saturday morning. It was a multi-family moving sale held at our friends house, so we all got together Friday afternoon to organize and price our stuff, let the kids run around like miniature crazy people and have a cookout. Most fun I've ever had preparing a yard sale, that's for sure! While us responsible, mature women were nurturing our children (making sure they didn't run into the road, kill each other, or steal each other's food) our husbands were plotting their way to the German Club (a bar that's basically in our back yard) for the night. They had it all figured out. They would come home to help get the kids to sleep then sleep in with them and bring them to the yard sale when they were ready. Sounded good to me! Trey deserved a fun night out.. and fun they had! They bonded over beer, laughs and Army talk.

The yard sale went OKAY. I can't speak for everyone, but I think we were all a little disappointed with the crowd that showed up. We made decent money, at best, but I'm still left with way more stuff than I wanted to be left with! Plus, we kind of defeated the whole purpose of the sale and ended up buying stuff.
Trey is now the proud owner of this chair:

Hard to see, but I'm having technical difficulties. I'm sure you get the gist of it. He HAD to have it. He had never been any more sure of anything in his entire life apparently.

And I now collect Fiestaware dishes!! A friend was selling a 4-piece set for $20. That bright green color sucked me in after having all black dishes for over 5 years now. Then, Macy's was having a sale so I have 5 more colors on top of that! I'm a happy girl.
BUT. But.. we spent all of our yard sale money :/
I have lots of stuff left over though, so I think we're going to try to have another sale this coming up weekend. I don't want to. At all. But it's the right thing to do...

Let's see... the ER. Andrew did something to his leg/hip/but/back area. He limped around off and on all weekend. Would hardly run. Wouldn't jump or climb. He kept pointing to that area and telling us it hurt with the saddest little face. I kept waiting for it to get better, but it never did. We took him in to get xrays Monday morning and everything seems to be fine. So we're not really sure what's going on. I'm sure he just pulled a muscle or something like that, but we had to just make sure, ya know?

It's always so much harder for us to let Daddy go back to work after having all of those days off! We get used to him being around! But, we'll take the time off anytime we can get it. Looking forward to 2 weeks of block leave coming up in a few weeks!!

Off to empty my memory card so we can have more illustrated posts soon!

October 3, 2012

First off - I've had a few new followers lately (Heyyyy) and it makes me sad that you don't have your "reply to" email set. I want to connect with you, I really do ...I won't call anyone out.. hey Sarah and Derek.. woops ;) but it makes it hard for me to respond to you when I can't email you. And there have been so many things I've wanted to respond to!

Moving on -

I saw this on Pinterest the other morning, and it really was exactly what I needed to hear at the moment:

We have had some really hard days around here lately. Starting Saturday afternoon and it really just hasn't stopped.
Andrew was sick over the weekend. The only way I could tell was that he was BURNING up (got up to 103.5) and would lay still for a ridiculous amount of time.. for him. I wasn't sure what was going on until Monday morning when I woke up with a sore throat and some congestion (nothing the sinus rinse doesn't help, but still.. I imagine that's what was going on with him). He woke up fine though, and all should have been good, right? Wrong. If it were just this, we wouldn't be here writing this post.

I don't know what on God's creation is going on with him. The only thing I can think of is that the ugly "Terrible Two" monster has reared it's ugly head. The one thing I DO know for sure - I'm going to lose my ever loving mind. Soon. Everything out of his mouth is either said in a finger-nails-on-chalkboard like whine or he just skips right over the whining and goes right into full blown tears. Sometimes even throwing himself on the floor to do so. W.T.H....

I'm handling this in three ways.
One - I insist he talk to me like a big boy. He has the vocabulary. I KNOW he is capable. So when he comes to me whining, I just make him repeat it in "his big boy voice". And he does most of the time and we can move on. The crying and tantrums, while more difficult on my state of mind, are just about handled the same way. Make him use his words when he's just crying and grunting, remove myself from him if he refuses or while he's throwing a tantrum. He knows he can come find me when he's done throwing himself on the floor and we can work it out, but .... sighhhh....
Easier said though, my friends. I do all of the above, but like I said, I'm going to lose it. Just because I remove myself, doesn't mean I can't hear it. Lord help me.

The second thing I'm doing is praising the heck out of the good behavior. That child has never heard so many, "good jobs", "good boys", and " great listening". I pray that this works. This is the more fun way to handle it!

So the third thing I'm doing that I feel will get ME through this.. it will not help him in the least, I'm afraid.. Is finding the good in every day.
Just because my child has lost his mind and is trying to make me lose mine, doesn't mean I have to let him win. The first two days I found that I was a miserable person to be around by the time Trey got home. (he called me one afternoon and I may have even dropped the "f" bomb while talking about our son and told him I was going to Walmart to sell him :/ ) He doesn't deserve to come home to that and really, it's no fun for anyone. For the most part, I can choose my attitude. It's up to me.

I've started a little notebook and every time I find myself especially thankful for a certain thing, or I notice something beautiful, or we experience a special little moment, I'm writing it down. I figure it has to help change my thinking and make me more calm and appreciative, right? I'm also telling Trey one thing I love about him every day or one thing that I especially appreciated from him that day. I think that will help to keep my day's frustrations from spilling out on him. Or at least if they do, will balance things out.. ha!

Also, I need to pray for some patience! I think I'll need the patience of a saint to get through this phase and that's the only place it's gonna come from!

October 2, 2012

Hello there baby boy! It's been a little while since I did an update on you, and I'm in the writing mood this morning something fierce, so what better subject to talk about? So, what's been going on?

We were thrilled to a trillion tiny pieces last week to find out that you are a boy! Your Daddy even teared up after he had assured me he would not be crying in the least. "He doesn't cry", he said. Ha!

You officially have a name! I've only shared it with very few people and I know the people that don't know are very curious. It's a very special name and we wanted to be sure to share it with Trey's family first. We've had a little bit of trouble communicating, but I think everyone is aware at this point. I'm really ready to announce it and I think it's pretty safe to do so (aka.. it won't be a out of nowhere announcement to the people it affects), so without further adieu -

Your sweet little name is Wesley Riggs. It's perfect, isn't it? Here's the meaning behind it all:
You are named Wesley (Wes) after your Daddy's Uncle Wes. He passed away just a few short months ago while Daddy was away at NTC. He was an outstanding man who passed way before his time. Your Daddy couldn't have thought more of Uncle Wes. He always made such a huge effort to be a part of Daddy's/our life.. even when it wasn't always easy to do so. He was hysterical and your Aunt Melissa always said that Daddy and Wes reminded her so much of each other.. their senses of humor, I think. It was obvious he had such a great heart and went after what he wanted (I can infer that since he lived in the Cayman Islands). I know people from all over loved him from the outpouring of love I saw from his family and friends all over the world when he passed away. From the short amount of time that I knew him, these things were clear. So, in short, you're named after a man that is thought very highly of and we feel like we couldn't have set you up better. Plus, as a bonus, Wes Welker is a pretty awesome football player, so you're bound to have some athletic skill as well.
Riggs is Mama's Grammy McGrane's (your Mizzy's mother.. make sense?) maiden name. Your brother has Daddy's Grandmother's maiden name, so we wanted to do the same for you.

We can feel your kicks from the outside now and we're loving it! Still faint, but definitely feelable. You move around so much little guy!

Andrew is grasping the concept of you more and more. He asks to talk to his "little brother Wes". And to hear his little voice say that, it melts me! I pray all the time that you two will be the best of friends! I think you lucked out in the big brother department!

That's all for this week! I go in this afternoon to check on you and go over your Ultrasound pictures. I can't wait to hear your little heartbeat!

30-something year old Army Wife. Married to the most perfect man out there that God made for me. We have two little boys who have completed our lives. I use this little space to talk about life and everything in between.