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Hi /r/xxfitness,
I'm a huge fan of the community in this sub and I was hoping you great ladies could help me out. I'm 18, 5'3'', and 117-118 lbs. On a good day 114. I've been having some issues with body image and I'd really like to get rid of the extra weight that seems to be hanging out just below my bellybutton and on my hips and arms. I've been a vegetarian for about 4 years now, and a vegan for about 4 months.

This might be a bit lengthy but I'll start from last summer. I started working in a snack bar at a pool, maning the grill and friers. I got a little too comfortable with the food there, snacking on fries daily, and by the end of the summer I ended up packing on 10 lbs, putting me at my highest weight of 127 lbs. At this point I wasn't happy with my body but it wasn't in the least what was consuming my thoughts. When school started again I dropped about 7 of the pounds just from eating better, but I started to notice other girls (bad I know) and how thin their arms were compared to mine or how flat their stomachs were compared to mine. It tore me up inside. So I started eating half my lunch instead of the full thing and dropped another three pounds. It wasn't really a big deal though, I was never starving and if I was I'd just eat the whole thing. I was feeling much better about myself but food and how I looked to others was still in the back of my head at all times. Then, in January I got surgery on my tailbone to remove a cyst and I dropped about five pounds in the month or two following. The pain following the surgery was hell but I looked AMAZING. Aaand then the weight was back. Aaaand it made me crazy. In May I fell into a depression that lasted about a month and then subsided (I'm prone, but the stress from this whole thing really set me off). Now I'm working at the snack bar again (and have sworn off any food made there) and I started going to the gym about three-four times a week. I'd run for a half hour or so (I've never really been a fan of exercising so I thought I'd start out small) and about two months ago I started counting calories. In the past two weeks though, I haven't really gone to the gym but have been going to Pure Barre classes with my mom and sister instead. To my surprise I've really been enjoying it, maybe their company, maybe the fast paced classes, I don't really know. The thing is though, my body looks and weighs exactly the same as it did before (between 116 and 118) and I don't know why. My Fitness Pal has my baseline caloric intake at 1200, and I average at around 900. I know the FAQ says not to eat less than 1200 calories daily but I just don't think my body needs that much energy. But since my weight is staying the same, I have to be doing something wrong. I'm not adding any exercise to MFP because whatever I would put down wouldn't be accurate. So I'm not sure if I'm under-counting or something but I try to be as honest as I can be.

I really just need to figure out how to maintain control of my body, and how to do it in a healthy way. I'm so exhausted from all of the stress I've been putting on myself to look a certain way, but at the same time I don't feel like I'll be satisfied with myself until I finally get there. I worry about what I eat every time I go out to a restaurant, or how many calories are in the dinner my mom made, or anything to that extent.

Weight alone is not an accurate indicator of fitness. I am a bit worried by your constant references to wanting to lose even more weight, when you are already in the healthy range for your size. Are there any other metrics which would motivate you? Personally I have a tendency to obsess over weight, so I actually removed the scale from my house, and started using how far I can run or how much I can lift as my fitness metrics. Also, you really DO need to eat at least 1200 calories, even at 5'3". I'm 5'2" and feel exhausted on only 1200 calories even on a rest day. Just give eating at least 1200 calories a day a try for a week, and see if that helps your energy and stress levels. Good luck, and great fitness to you!

Start working out. Weight lifting has helped me see changes in my body and helped me get my diet under control. I also stopped weighing myself because the scale is not an accurate indicator of my progress. I get my body fat measured every 3 months to see how I am doing.