Archive for the ‘Infertility’ Category

After a few months off I decided to add my blog to the ICLW list again this month.

A brief history of us. I have 2 kids from a previous marriage that are 6 & 8 yrs old. We met February 2007 on a blind date. We dated for 2 years and he proposed on our 2nd year anniversary. We got married in my parent’s yard 7 months later. Right before we got married my PCOS raised it’s ugly head. I only had about 5 normal cycles in a 12 month period. In March 2010 I went to see my midwife who put me on met, provera and femara. I hated being on the drugs and how they made me feel, but we did 1 unmonitored cycled with Femara in June. I didn’t get pregnant and AF didn’t show. I decided to stop the met and not take provera to induce AF. We took the summer off to focus on other things.

This month I got a surprise BFP! We are anxious and nervous, but hoping to bring home a little bundle of joy in June 2011.

AF is still MIA. I had another midwife appointment today, and another BFN.

I actually didn’t think she would do another test so I emptied my bladder before they called me back. The nurse did my BP then put me in an exam room. The U/S machine was on and still had the screen shot of the last patients baby. It was little, only 8w 5d. I didn’t cry, so that is good.

My midwife came in and we talked about my cycles since March. She wants me to up my Met to help with the weight loss. Then she said she wanted to do a repeat test. I told her I had already gone and she said they only needed a few drops. I went and sat in the bathroom and finally got out a few drops LOL.

I stood there while the nurse did the test. She drove me nuts. She kept glancing at it and walking away. Finally after a few minutes she picked it up and tilted the test and squinted at it. I was gonna scream! I did not need her analyzing the test like that. I do that enough on my own. Finally she said that it looked negative and so I walked to the check out counter. My midwife met me there and said that yes it was negative. She wants me to take provera again to induce AF, but I don’t want too.

AF is still MIA. I had another midwife appointment today, and another BFN.
I actually didn’t think she would do another test so I emptied my bladder before they called me back. The nurse did my BP then put me in an exam room. The U/S machine was on and still had the screen shot of the last patients baby. It was little, only 8w 5d. I didn’t cry, so that is good.
My midwife came in and we talked about my cycles since March. She wants me to up my Met to help with the weight loss. Then she said she wanted to do a repeat test. I told her I had already gone and she said they only needed a few drops. I went and sat in the bathroom and finally got out a few drops LOL.
I stood there while the nurse did the test. She drove me nuts. She kept glancing at it and walking away. Finally after a few minutes she picked it up and tilted the test and squinted at it. I was gonna scream! I did not need her analyzing the test like that. I do that enough on my own. Finally she said that it looked negative and so I walked to the check out counter. My midwife met me there and said that yes it was negative. She wants me to take provera again to induce AF, but I don’t want too.

Since we are stopping treatment right now I don’t really see any need to make her come. It is too hot to deal with provera side effects and then deal with AF.

I haven’t POAS since Friday … today is 15 dpo if I ovulated when I think I did (which I based on EWCM). I hate that because I have PCOS being “late” doesn’t mean anything, it could just mean that I didn’t ovulate. My only hope is that I did take the femara this month so I have a good chance the EWCM was ovulation.

AF still hasn’t shown up and I don’t feel any “signs” of her as well. I am very tired. I originally thought it was from a full weekend of activity, but now I am starting to wonder a little. I have also been queasy the last 3 days. Not throwing up, just an unsettled kind of feeling. The fertility friend pregnancy predictor gives me 68pts out of 100pts.

I hate to get my hopes up and get another BFN. This is our last month of “TRYING”. We have a big work convention next year that I need to attend, and being pregnant wouldn’t work (having a baby would actually be easier). So this really feels like now or never (or maybe much later).

I don’t think I could emotionally take a BFN right now, after the announcement my “co-worker” made on Sunday. She and I would have about the same due date. Her pregnancy would be a forever reminder of our last cycle that didn’t work. I hate feeling like the one left behind.

This morning my midwife’s PA called me back. I hate talking to this PA. I feel like she never knows who I am when I call and she always sounds confused. I usually end up needing to talk to my midwife anyway because the PA never knows the answers to my questions.

My midwife said the little amount of blood/spotting probably isn’t my period, since it isn’t a full flow yet. She still wants to see me on Friday for my appointment. She said she would run a pregnancy test and go from there. If I am still spotting then she probably won’t be able to do the pap. Hopefully the test will be a BFP, but I am trying not to get my hopes up.

I thought I was going to see a funny comedy/action movie with my hubby last night. I wanted to get out of the house and just have a nice time. He let me pick the movie, and given the options out right now I picked Killers. Overall I think it was a good movie. I enjoy Katherine Heigl in almost anything, and Ashton Kutcher didn’t make my skin crawl in this role, so that part was nice. I was a little surprised by the story line though. The synopsis on IMDb was very brief:

A vacationing woman meets her ideal man, leading to a swift marriage. Back at home, however, their idyllic life is upset when they discover their neighbors could be assassins who have been contracted to kill the couple.

Imagine my surprise when a plot twist throws in a POAS scene that ends with the FRER showing two bright pink lines. Yes my infertile friends … they threw in an “accidental” pregnancy. Talk about being blind sided. I even went looking at other spoilers this morning trying to see if anyone else wrote about this plot twist and couldn’t find one.

As a child did you play red light/green light? One person is “it” and they call green light for all the other kids to run towards him. Then yells red light and everyone has to stop. If you keep moving on the red light then you are sent back to the beginning. The first one to reach the person that is “It” wins.

I feel like I am playing a game of IF red light/ green light.

We have been waiting and waiting for the green light (ovulation). With PCOS there have been many false starts. I think we have the green light so we start moving forward, then we are sent back to the beginning. Another false start, no ovulation. It has been difficult to say the least.

I thought we finally got a real green light this month, I actually had some EWCM this month with femara. The first time in months. We tried really hard to get to the finish line before the red light was called. We BD’d just like we were supposed too and had a good feeling about this cycle. We were going to get to the end and see a BFP!

Well, I think we may have a red light. At first I thought maybe it was just implantation bleeding. It happened the first time on 6 dpo. I tried not to get my hopes up. There was nothing the rest of the day.

On 7 dpo I woke up feeling good. Got to work, and there is was again!! WTH?

All day I was on Dr. Google trying to figure out what was going on. Why am I bleeding/spotting ? Is AF arriving a week early, I am only on CD22!?!? Is it bleeding from the BD’ing?

It went from bright red, to pink to nothing by the afternoon. I put on a pantyliner just in case. By bedtime there was nothing on it, so I got ready for bed. I had a hard time falling asleep.

Are we still in the game or are we being sent back to the beginning?

I woke up this morning on 8 dpo. I only have one FRER HPT under the counter and I know it is too early, so I didn’t want to waste it. There was no red blood … until I got to the office. There it was again. The last two days I didn’t have any AF symptoms. No cramping, no moodiness, no acne. Well, today I have had some cramps.

I have called my midwife because I had an appointment for my early PAP on Friday. If this is AF arriving, then I need to cancel/postpone that appointment. I also want to know why I had such a short cycle?

Dr. Google has lots of stories of healthy pregnancies with bleeding … but they have all been AFTER the positive HPT. It is still too early for me to take one. It doesn’t look good for this round of red light/green light. I know other people (on blogs and IRL) are playing this round. I am sure one of them will reach the end before I do. I just hope it isn’t one of the people IRL.

Ok, so this is gonna be TMI, but I need some insight please. I believe today is 6DPO … I had EWCM on Tuesday morning, so I marked that as ovulation day. I am definitely cycle day 21. Mr. B and I were intimate yesterday morning and this morning. I just got home from church and had bright red streaked CM when I wiped. What could this be?? I hate to get my hopes up that it is implantation bleeding, but why else would I be spotting on Day 21? My cycles have NEVER been that short. Of course this happens on a Sunday AM when I can’t call my midwife. So, please leave me a comment and give your best insight. THANKS!