ingredients:
1 packet Morningstar Farms Grillers Recipe Crumbles(note: these are vegetarian, not vegan, but the recipe is otherwise vegan — so if you have another ground beef substitute, go for it!)
1 small green pepper
3 green onions
1 15oz. can diced tomatoes with green chiles (Ro-tel is the best, but not available everywhere)
1 15oz. can of kidney beans
1 tsp chili powder (or more, if you live dangerously — chipotle is my personal one true love)
3/4 tsp salt
corn chips

1. Wash the vegetables and cut them into small pieces

2. Put the chopped-up vegetables and Crumbles in a 2-qt saucepan and begin heating them over medium heat. (Since the the Crumbles are not actually meat, all you need to do is make sure they thaw sometime during the cooking process, which they will.)

3. Add the kidney beans (with liquid), tomatoes (also with their liquid), chili powder, and salt; stir and put over high heat.

4. Heat until boiling, stirring frequently; when it starts to boil, turn the heat down to a simmer, stir every so often, and cook until it seems done (ten minutes or so).

5. Eat with corn chips! Or a spoon, if that’s your thing, you big nance.

Chili Con (Fake) Carne Con (Semi-Fake) Queso variant:

Make the above as directed, then add 1 block Velveeta and mix in over low heat until melted. Eat quickly, before the Velveeta starts to set up; if it does, though, just put it back over the heat, and it’ll melt again.