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Thursday, June 25, 2009

My 4 youngest kids asked if they could have bowls of ice cream before going to bed tonight.

I told them, "Yes, but just a little bit and SIT AT THE TABLE TO EAT IT!"

Clearly, I made the mistake of omitting the following stipulations.

1. Don't squirt chocolate syrup on the floor.2. Don't squirt chocolate syrup on the counter.3. Don't squirt chocolate syrup on the table.4. Don't squirt chocolate syrup on each other.5. You know what? Just leave the chocolate syrup in the fridge!6. Don't lay the lid from the empty ice cream container upside down on top of my books to be mailed out.7. Don't leave the ice cream scooper on the floor where it fell.8. Don't put ice cream in your hair.9. Don't drop a huge spoonful of ice cream on your pajama pants and then smear it around.10. Don't lick the spilled ice cream off the table; use a dish cloth!11. Don't leave your bowls glued to the kitchen table with ice cream!12. Don't leave your spoon, covered in ice cream, sitting on your chair.13. Don't stir your ice cream until it turns into soup and then slurp it up from your bowl like a cat.

You may not realize you need to specify all these rules, but I'm telling you, if you don't, you'll be sorry. Feel free to add any others you think your children may need such as, don't finger paint with the ice cream on the wall or don't have a contest with your brother on how far you can fling ice cream off your spoon. Forget the ice cream. Forget all meals. I think I'm just going to buy a trough, set it outside and fill it with kibble every day. No fuss, no muss!

I can't tell you how many times I've decided to just stop feeding my children after cleaning up a particularly messy meal. Think how much free time you would have if you didn't have to shop, cook and clean up their food. I think it would add like 5 hours to my day. Maybe they could be fed with an IV as they slept or something. I'll have to talk to their pediatrician.

Oh, if only the kibble trough would work ... but if my kids are like my cat (and I'd venture they are worse), then the kibble would be everywhere. My cat likes to grab a mouth of kibble, walk away from the dish, drop it on the floor, and then eat part of it. Between the kids and the cats, my kitchen floor is in a constant state of filth. I don't get it! You could (and still can) eat off my mother's floor, but I'm not sure my floor is fit for even a mouse!

This reminds me of the time when one of my brothers kept asking Dad for a "big mess of ice cream." As a former military man and an engineer, Dad favored precision in language and was irked by the constant request for a "big mess' of ice cream.

Dad got the biggest mixing bowl Mom had and filled it with an ice cream scoop of every flavor of ice cream we had--chocolate, strawberry, butter pecan, vanilla. He then stirred them together and gave it to my brother saying, "Here's your big mess of ice cream." The rest of us didnt' dare laugh and my brother didn't dare not eat that "big mess of ice cream!" LOL

Don't walk around the house while barely holding on to your bowl and laughing at your brother making farting sounds and then suddenly have to laugh just so hard that you just can't hold your bowl anymore and it just happens to drop on the carpet and not the tile floor that is just .22222 inches away!! Yeah....add that one to the list!

Im getting married in August between us we will have four boys and two girls I already get a kick out of meal time when where together I never knew they you could hear mom I need that many times in a hour.www.mprimprovements.com

I have to tell my kids, "Don't turn your ice cream upside down. It will not stick to the bowl." Especially when they decide to try this on the couch! Oh, and this reminds me of the icee incident last summer. I know you don't read my blog, so you may not be aware that 2 kids might think it's a good idea to spit slurpees at each other. Red slurpess being spat across the family room carpet. I think that was the last time I bought slurpees.

Speaking of kibble. I had a friend who had triplets. She was beside herself at all the mealtime messes. She finally resorted to giving the 3 baby triplets Cheerios for breakfast. Only, she would spread a fresh sheet on the dining room floor and then just sprinle the Cheerios right out of the box and onto the sheet. The triplets would eat like little chickens. Easy...no dishes...no mess.

We went to the beach yesterday with four boys from 4-8 years old (3 kids mine). After they all changed from the soaking wet clothes and we got off as much sticky sand as we could, we took them across the street for some icecream. Because it took so long to clean them up the first time, I said they were getting a bowl and spoon to avoid the messy, dripping, icecream all over their mouths, hands, table, clothes, and etc. you get from a cone. I'm sad to say my plan didn't work. I don't know how they still managed to get it everywhere!

You should probably explain to your readers that should these rules not be learned in childhood, they are terribly difficult to learn them as husbands. Not saying how I know this, just trust me... sigh

#14 For husbands only. Eat your ice cream as quietly as possible, because clinking the spoon against the bowl and making chewing sounds while eating your ice cream can sound like "nails on a chalkboard". At least to this wife!

Rule for teenagers and husbands, do not eat all the ice cream you possibly can, and then complain that it is gone when you want more. Also, when you are eating ice cream, do not drip it on the projection tv screen or the keyboard of mom's new computer. Clean up any spills with a dish cloth or paper towel.