WHO fancies earning $70k annually to “partake of sexual services” at brothels in New South Wales, Australia?

Lyonswood Investigations and Forensic Group in Sydney is advertising for a “Brothel Buster Investigator”.

Says Lyonswood operations manager Lachlan Jarvis:

“Some [jobs] require the offering of sexual services, some actually require the partaking of sexual services … because it is considered the most convincing evidence,” he said. Lyonswood, which is based in the Sydney suburb of Drummoyne, conducts about 10 to 20 brothel investigations each year, and the job often puts investigators in situations most people only see in movies.

“We have a filing cabinet of cases that would blow you away.”

Fnar!

Mr Jarvis recalls one occassion when the brothel buster hid a camera in his tie:

“It was all going swimmingly, we were getting the evidence, until shortly into the performance the camera malfunctioned and smoke started coming from the string tie,” he said. “We looked down and the camera had caught fire, the investigator obviously beat a hasty retreat — it gives a whole new meaning to the term hot under the collar.”

Who wants it?

“We have had dozens [of people] if not more than that apply, it is certainly a popular job,”

Applicants are required to speak English, be unmarried, hold a private investigator licence, be able to shag on demand, have no aversion to nylon bedding, own a tie, be able to name all the Lord Jeffrey Archer books in chronological order and be prepared to maintain a steady hand whilst filming… Apply within.