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Thursday, May 12, 2005

On Abuse

Three things have conspired in the past week to home in for me the point of abuse—both sexual and domestic.

I found out that a very close friend of mine had been the victim of domestic abuse. I was rather traumatised though, I doubt as much as she must have been. The second was from a blogger I came across—September Girl, or Autumn. I found her blog by way of Alyssa de Jour.blogspot.com. Autumn’s article "Weeping Innocence" was a rather harrowing article about how she had been date-raped and survived it. So, not necessarily abuse in the strictest sense, but abuse anyway!

The final one was closer to home: a cousin of mine’s daughter who complained that her friends’ father had touched her privates.

My god, how horrible.

I have recently come from a country—Belgium—where in 1996, the notorious paedophile Marc Dutroux abducted two girls—Julie and Melissa—and buried them half alive. It caused a storm in the country at the time, triggering a so-called “Marche Blanche”, or White March.

Two years later, I took a Media elective for my communications class at university, and I had the privilege of interviewing Michel Bouffioux, the guy at the centre of exposing corruption in the Belgium police system that protected Marc Dutroux.

I, with two other colleagues, were tasked to do a comparative study, so we chose to compare Zola’s “J’Accuse”with Bouffioux doing a “J’Accuse” of corruption to the extent of protecting a child molestor and paedophile.

He was categoric in his statements about Dutroux. For him Dutroux was able to get away with what he did because he was protected.

But the average case of abusers is such that they are just normal guys with the ability to exercise power. I reckon that is the bottom line with abusers. They abuse because they can.Plus it gives them a sensation of power.

Giving excuses that they saw their mothers being abused cuts no ice with me. Tragedy, as they say, begets tragedy. At some point, the circle has to be broken, and we all have tremendous capacity to break these cycles. It is built within us.

After all, is it not our attitudes that determine the way we live our lives? From James Allen of “As a Man Thinketh” to Norman Vincent Peale, time and time again, we have been told about how we are all under-estimating the innate powers that we have to becoming better people than we can be.

Some people , nay EVERYONE, has the choice of becoming better than they can be. Even abusers. So, let’s say for argument’s sake, they were overtaken by their lust, as in my third example, they have to accept the situation and not go into denial so that they can be treated.

But most, it seems, do not, because their sense of aggrandisement overwhelms their character. They think that they are good people, and respectable people. SO who will suspect them?

That is just SICK. I have no time for abusers. I think people ought to be given the benefit of the doubt when, beyond a reasonable doubt, they can provide mitigating circumstances as to why they abused.

But even then, that is scant excuse. There is NO excuse. How can grown men allow themselves to be so overtaken by lust, or by rage that they have to touch a little girl—yes a girl—or hit their women?

I tried to do a background reading before doing this post, but most of what I saw was harrowing and too time-consuming to consume for an entry.

So, I write this one for posterity, and anyone who chances on this entry—Abusers MUST NOT BE GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO ABUSE. You are stronger than you think you are, and you have a RIGHT to live in dignity and, yes, comfort, with peace of mind.

As for those who are into sexual abuse, SHAME ON YOU. GO SEEK HELP. YOU DO NOT NEED A GIRL TO SATISFY YOUR LUST.

Hi there.. I found your blog through technorati... thanks for the post.

Don't you feel the world is getting worse with all the sexual abusers? Or is it because more people are "coming out" and letting it be known that these things are happening?

I wish I had said something when it happened to me, but I wasn't educated enough and even if I was... I know there would have been a scare-facter in there (I would have been to scared to say anything, thinking he might come after me again for getting him in trouble).

What causes these people to abuse, is the question? Seeing it happen to their mother? Chemical imbalances? I sometimes think it's too much porn but porn watchers don't want to hear that from me. I think if you go from watching vanilla porn to fetish porn to BDSM porn.... etc... etc... won't you eventually get bored and narrow it down to child porn? (I'm not saying everyone does this, but it's got to be a reason for sexual abusers?)

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