Monday, April 24, 2017

Half a loaf

I'm going to talk about the vice president of the United States of America here. Mike Pence, a man who proposed to his wife Karen by hollowing out the two halves of a loaf of bread, hiding a bottle of champagne in one and a ring box in the other (she was prepared for this magical moment by carrying around a gold cross with the word "YES" engraved upon it.)Mike Pence, who calls his wife "mother" or "Mrs Pence."Mike Pence, who says that he never eats alone with a woman other than his wife, and will not attend events where there is alcohol available without her being right there. Well now. I don't know these people personally (for which I am eternally grateful) but as someone whose marriage predates streaking, disco, Gerald Ford in the White House, and every gas crisis, I'm here to tell you that if you're in a marriage in which the partners keep suchacloseyeoneachother as this, something is wrong in the marriage.Or you are people who think that every woman is out to seduce every man in the world, and that no man has the power to refuse those "womanly wiles." That's a phrase we don't hear too much anymore, but then again, we don't see loons like this couple too much either.Love does not mean constant vigilance and check-ups. I've said this before: I could be the only male in an auditorium full of females and I would not cheat on my wife, because I love my wife. And I will tell you this. If a person - male or female - is open for business, he or she will find a customer, if you catch my meaning. It never fails. The guy who times how long it should take for his wife to get home from the hair saloon and grills her like Lennie Briscoe if the ride takes 2 minutes more than that has something hidden, and the wife who posts spies around hubbyguy's office to let her know if he stops at the cute receptionist's cubicle to sharpen his pencil is also guilty of wandering thoughts.Either that - or the spouse is guilty of breaching the marital vows, and why are you still around, in that case?Pence is big on telling you what a wonderful Christian he is, and then he throws in with a man who represents that segment of society that holds men to be superior in all ways, while subjugating women to serving supper. And even more insidious, setting them up in million-dollar businesses so he can claim they are million-dollar businesswomen.Pence says loves and respects his wife, and is in with a crowd that chants horrible obscenities at a woman who happened to be running for office.You can't have it both ways. Half a loaf of this is still half-baked.