These are posts about my involvement in the church of Scientology. I was raised in Scientology from around age 6. I signed the infamous "billion-year contract" when I was 15. I was in the Sea Org from September 2001 through July 2004. I was kicked out for being gay just after my 18th birthday. Eventually I spoke out against the abuse I suffered while there and my family is now disconnected from me.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Scientology: It Still Hurts

Today I stray from my usual style of posting, which focuses on Scientology in a general aspect. This post is much more personal to me.

I was ousted from the Church of Scientology on April 12th, 2012. A year later and I had not spoken to anyone in my family. Somewhere during that year I opened an e-mail account--separate from my normal one--and e-mailed my mother. I sent her a short message just to say, "I miss you." Her response was curt. She stated simply that she could not speak to me.

Edit to add: It is not a lot of money. Just a small sum. I was tempted to refuse it because I thought it was coming directly from my father, but I have the contact information for the agency.

Just a few days ago I discovered that my sister and my mother were on a campaign to get my address from anyone they could. They messaged my friends on Facebook and tried to leverage our extended family to hand over the information to them. Fortunately for me, none of my friends or family were going to make it that easy for them to find me. They all know that I am smart enough that if I wanted to be found, I would.

That they were looking for me came as a shock. Until I found out that they were trying to use money to trick me into getting in touch with them. They used my memory of my Aunt Brenda to try and get me to call them looking for money she had "left me". I knew this wasn't the case. Unfortunately for them, I am not motivated by greenbacks.

I downloaded an app on Android that allowed me to text my mother from a number other than my own. I have her phone number and her e-mail. I opened a Yahoo e-mail account as well. First I e-mailed her from the Yahoo account and received no response. I texted her to ask her why she wanted my address.

I got a text from her saying, "...is the origin." This was preceded by the phone number I was using. I have no idea who she sent it to, but it certainly wasn't meant for me. I could only have assumed it was for her church handlers.

Sadly, not only could I not trust them to begin with--but my fears were confirmed almost immediately. It's unfortunate that something called a "religion" would induce such a fear between family that none of them could trust the other.

In that moment I started to fear that the Church of Scientology would be launching what's known in the Scientology and ex-Scientology world as a "fair game" campaign. So these are the messages I felt I had to send to my mother.

The worst part of it all is I went to check the fake e-mail address today and my Aunt did leave me money. My family was telling the truth. But even I knew from the get go...I still would not have given them my address.

Their desperate attempts to find an address for me made me so nervous of recurring abuse that I had no choice but to send that message in hopes that it would keep the church away from me. My biggest fear was being manipulated back into the cult, or worse the cult roaming around my neighborhood handing out flyers that I was a criminal of some sort.