Sorry! I forgot to review! O.o Lol, I know I said I would like two days ago but ah well... Anways, Cool! I wonder what's gonna happen to violet... though I dun really like her much cos she's a girl... But other than that, teehee. :D

Okay, so now that i've finally made out that Kalrie is a guy, I've decided which character I like the most. So in answer to your question last time, I like Kalrie. D Muahaha... Anyways, gosh, what is it with you and chipmunks man? O.o Mhm... yep, that's it. D Either ways, nice chapter. Best so far in my opinion! Keep writing! D

Okay, you kept on switching between tenses. Stick with one, preferably past since that's the way it was last chapter. (Example: "he loved the feel of the gun, it brings about certain memories")

A little advice, whenever you have a "which" you usually have to add a comma somewhere. Like here: "her long, silky hair which was tied back had a tinge of lavender"... add commas after "hair" and after "back".

"It seemed that purple was her favourite colour; her long, silky hair which was tied back had a tinge of lavender in them and she wore a magenta turtleneck with black three-quarter pants."

This sentence is WAY too long. Adding the semi-colon would have worked if it wasn't for how long you let the next part of the sentence go. If you have long sentences like this, it will usually feel like you're dragging the readers a bit.

There's a lot more errors that I caught, just ask if you want me to let you know what they are.

Anywho, lol, I like Violet. She sounds fun. I like the stealthy people. :P (Viola sounds too flirty for my tastes.)

Overall quite nice but when it comes to the supposed "WOW" parts, somehow it did not really surprise me. I don't know why. Like the chipmunk with red high heels and a black dress. And more expressions from Kalrie and Xenzer when they saw the chipmunk?

Small scars aren't exactly mysterious haha. I look forward to the next chapter! MUST UPDATE DEBBO.

But chipmunks are easy to see! :P Hehe, a doctor chipmunk in red high heels and a black dress...wow... XD

One thing: your descriptions of the characters seemed kind of a random toss. You mention that Kalrie is "ravishing" and then in the next paragraph say Xenzer was attractive too...but this is when there's a line that has nothing to do with appearances is there.

Another is that you're going way too fast with showing character past. You've already said there's a mysterious scar for a mysterious past for Xenzer and that for Kalrie his parents are a sore spot for him and probably result from an unhappy past. It's better tohave this throughout instead of "right in your face".

However, I like this idea for your story so far. You've gotten an alert from me.