I saw this movie 'Unfaithful' sometime back, where the female protagonist is seduced by a friend of hers. While she is initially reluctant and asks her friend to stop, she gives in soon, and the two continue to have passionate sex and later develop an affair. Now, some friends, both women and men, have told me that they have been in similar situations where it starts with a 'no' and ends with a 'yes'.

Question is - how does one know whether the 'no' is a NO? And if one were to push further after the initial 'no' to find out, will that be violation?

Please understand that forcing or pressuring someone into having sex or take part in sexual activity that they're not comfortable with is unacceptable.

08/02/2013

Martha

04/02/2013

The 11yr old returns:
As part of our stranger danger routine in School we do self defence to the weak and unprovable. The Police said it was really important and showed us these clips and now we know why we need to do martial arts. I think this is a good idea, but most of these posts say he was really strong and their a lot older, then what do I do?

We suggest you discuss your concerns with an adult, talk to your teacher or your parents about your worries. Or ask the police who attend your Stranger Danger sessions at school.

11/02/2013

Martha

04/02/2013

I'm 11 and probably to young for this website, but I like to know about what's going on in the real world. This seems a terrifying aspect and I am literally frozen every time these adverts come on. This happened to my friend with a so called 'Neighbour' (who is now in prison) We learn't about this in school. But is it normal I'm so scared?

We're sorry to hear that you find the ads distressing, we do realise that this is an extremely sensitive subject. We also realise that the advert is confrontational and difficult to watch, this is because it’s a very real representation of a very real problem.

Research shows that there are large numbers of teenagers (both male and female) who view this sort of behaviour as normal and/or just something that you put up with. So our objective for this campaign is to improve understanding of what is and isn’t acceptable sexual behaviour, thereby helping people to recognise and name sexual abuse and rape as such.

The reason for it being shown on national television is an attempt to reach as many people as possible, creating national awareness of a national problem. We have already seen, in the response to the advert on this website, that it is proving helpful in enabling young people to rethink their attitudes towards rape.

11/02/2013

Rebecca

04/02/2013

i have had oral sex and anal sex and this was consented, is this rape although i felt like i wanted to and sort of didnt want to, i felt both at the same time..is this rape?

To be clear; rape is when a man forces his penis into the mouth, anus or vagina of another person when that person doesn't want him to do so; the law calls this 'without consent'. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime.

If you were pressured into sex perhaps you should try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

Alternatively if you're under 18 you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

If you're over 18 you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information. They can advise regarding sexual assault as well, not just rape.

11/02/2013

Daisy

04/02/2013

i know this is a bit wierd, but is rape also when a man/boy shoves his penis into a girls mouth when she doesnt want to?
because i was forced into giving head and having sex when i didnt know if i should do this.
the person i gave head and had sex with, i really LOVED him, he moved schools, the first day he forced me but then i said ''i'll do it'' and at the same time i felt i didnt want to and wanted to.
so does this mean he forced me to give him head although i felt i wanted and didnt want to at the same time?

In answer to your question, yes that is rape and it sounds like you were pressured into having sex/taking part in sexual activity when you didn't really want to.

Let's be clear, the law says rape is when a man forces his penis into the mouth, anus or vagina of another person when that person doesn't want him to do so; the law calls this 'without consent'. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime.

We think you should talk to someone about your experiences - try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

08/02/2013

Caroline

04/02/2013

I was raped twice. When I was 14 and ten when I was 15. It was a party, I had a bit to drink and the guy was 18. I told him to stop because I didn't want to and I was only 15, but he wouldn't. I really don't believe that men have any self control.

I am a boy, and a few months back I was raped by another man. It was all sorted out because I told a teacher at school, but now all of the teachers treat me differently. Some are nicer and some are horrible, as if I asked to be raped. I am just saying this as I don't feel that awareness for males being raped is that good. I can only speak from my point of view, but I would say that it is worse for boys like me - a lack of awareness, constantly being asked if I am gay and if I asked to be raped.

Thanks for posting, and we're truly sorry to hear what happened to you.

We think it's important you talk about your experience with a trusted adult; help, support and advice is out there. If you don’t think you can do this, you can speak in confidence to SurvivorsUK who support men over the age of 18 who have experienced sexual violation at any time in their lives. They offer a helpline for male survivors, their friends, family and carers on 0845 1221201 (Mon/Tues 7-9.30pm and Thurs 12-2.30pm) and a London based counselling service offering low cost individual counselling and group therapy: www.survivorsuk.org / info@survivorsuk.org

Alternatively Broken Rainbow runs a Helpline staffed by highly trained operators, they understand the issues you face and go through extensive training to provide you with the best possible support. You can contact Broken Rainbow on the national helpline number: 0300 999 5428 or visit their website at www.brokenrainbow.org.uk.

You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

08/02/2013

Dave

03/02/2013

Is it possible to be raped by a woman the same age as you? Because i'm pretty sure I have been raped. As I didnt want to have sex with my friend, she is 17 and i am 16. But she told me that if I had sex with her I would be a man. I wanted to keep my virginity sacred but I have lost it unwillingly. I cried afterwards and still have over the past few weeks.

Is this classified as rape also? If so, why isn't it made clear that women can also rape within these advertisements. And if they aren't victim to these laws too, why arent they?

It appears you were assaulted, so talking about what happened is really important and you can get help. Try talking to a trusted adult. If you don’t think you can do this, you can speak in confidence by calling the helpline for males experiencing domestic abuse. Call freephone 0808 801 0327, email info@mensadviceline.org.uk or visit www.mensadviceline.org.uk

We are of course aware that anyone can be a victim of abuse whether they are female, male, gay or straight. This site has lots of information and advice in the ‘your questions’ and ‘need help’ sections for males who have been victims of abuse and those in same sex relationships.

This advert is very effective and this website is amazing! I am not a rape victim myself however i have been pressured into doing things i dont want to do before. This website has taught me that it is ok to say no. Many thanks to all the people posting helpful comments on this page. Its nice to know that there are people that care. Thankyou.

Thanks for your message, we're pleased you support our campaign and are finding the website helpful.

07/02/2013

Georgia

01/02/2013

I think that everyone should be careful because when I was 14 my boyfriend came round and we started to lay on the bed, playing on our laptops and then he started kissing me.The next day we was at town and outside near a lamp-post he undressed me and himself and rapped me I was crying and after that I ran off(when I dressed) and dumped him.It still comes back to me but I try not to think of it so much.Please reply

Thanks for your post. We're so sorry to hear about what happened to you.

Sex with any girl/boy under 16 is unlawful, including oral. It doesn't make any difference if permission (consent) is given or not, if you're under 16 sex is illegal. But being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape, it is a crime and it should be reported. Please understand that this was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

You should try and talk to someone about your experience if you can, it doesn't matter how long ago it was, find someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

Depending what age are you are, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

If you're over 18, you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

07/02/2013

Bailey

31/01/2013

around a year ago it was my friend hannah's party.
i remember it so well even though i was quite drunk but it was a week after my birthday and i'd gotten this special american flag all in one suit.
in the middle of the party i found out the boy i liked didnt like me back so i went outside with my friends boyfriend, so he could calm me down. one of his friends followed us to check i was okay too. after a bit i was just left with his friend and we sat outside the party for a bit. it's weird because for some reason there's a huge blank spot in my mind of how i got to the park near his house. i remeber him pushing my down and climbing on top of me but some how i managed to get him off . i tried to run away but as i did he grabbed my hands and started to bend me over. again i managed to get him off and ran to the nearest light i could find i ran out of breath and tried to find my phone but he had already caught up to me. i remember him dragging me back to his , and when we finally got in i decided how much i just wanted to sleep but when i tried he just kept turning me round touching me and making me touch him. then i remember him pulling down my onesie and as he did he scratched the inner side of my leg (which is now a scar) then without asking me he started doing it . i tried to tell him to get off but nothing really worked. it was kind of like a numb feeling that entered my body. like i was nothing. since that day i'v told friends and my parents found out a month ago. but nothing will ever take away what he did to me and as he's my friends friends i see him all the time. i hope one day he'll feel the pain i have and will have to for the rest of my life.

We are so sorry to hear about this horrible incident from your past. It's good that you have told your friends and your parents, but if you want more support or someone else to talk to in confidence, depending how old you are you can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

Or if you're over 18 you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

05/02/2013

Anonymous

30/01/2013

I feel as if I shouldn't be commenting but I want to have a say on all of this. I am so sorry to all those who have been raped, I truly am. And I'm a supporter of this campaign ever since I saw these disturbing videos, but my opinion is growing stronger now, it is to educate in schools across the country boys and girls, primary up to university, that rape is unacceptable no matter what. We should protect the younger minds of the future, even at a young age, as they might (pray they wont) be involved in something as wrong as this issue is becoming. They should be able to understand the dangers, and what to do if they feel something is coming to them being raped. We need to make a start, before it gets too late. This is Abuse, and it needs to be stopped.

hi, when i was 5 and my mum and my step dad were together, my step dad starting beating my mum infront of me and my sister. When she finally got out of the relationship when i was around 9, my whole family thought that he had raped me but no matter how hard i try i cant remember. i am 14 and they still think it now, and a few months a go i saw him and was so stricken with fear that they think seeing him triggered a memory in my brain of something he did to me. im really scared because i dont know whether he raped me or not and its tearing my whole family apart. what do i do?

We think you ought to talk to a trusted adult about this, call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk, no problem is too big or small for them, or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

07/02/2013

sana

27/01/2013

when i was 15 i got raped by my boyfriend i told him i was not ready he locked my bedroom door threw me on the bed he put his hand over my mouth he started touching me and kissing me on my neck i was crying so much i was kicking my legs then he tied me up andd he raped me he took his top off and he told me to kiss him i dint then he hit me i havent told anybody annything after the rape he untied me kissed me and told me that we were over i cried and cried and at that time he was 18 thats why he was desperate my parents came back home i just told them that ifell down thestairs he came this saturday and raped me again im stuck helpp me im trapped

Thanks for your post, we're truly sorry to hear about these horrific incidents.

It's good that you have messaged us, but you also need to try and tell a trusted adult. Being forced or pressured into having sex when you don’t want to is abuse, it's rape and it is a crime and it should be reported. You must understand that this was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

No matter how long ago this happened please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted.

And if you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.