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Sorry the FF posts have been so infrequent lately…you know how it goes, right? Sometimes life just gets in the way and all that.

But it’s back today, kids! So grab a bottle of your favorite personal warming lubricant and a box of tissues and come on!

Today we’re trying out something a little different…READER MAIL!

(You too can play along by sending me an email: mrcanacorn@gmail.com)

Don’t worry…I’ve only received one “letter” so far, so this will be quick…then we can get to today’s FF topic!

The dicks in question

John Says:
March 27, 2009 at 8:14 pm

hi,
I liked your description of dickgirls/futanaria. We have a lot in common based on your profile including originating in the northeast and ending up in the southwest…and comics, and a fun “partner in crime”. Speaking of which…do you have any idea whatsoever how to find one of those fake cock setups that squirt etc…such as Maritza has? I would love to get one for my wife, who would absolutely go nuts with it…but I haven’t found anything at all. This is a last chance option…just wondering if you know something I don’t *smile* For that matter, I suppose I could make one if forced to…any thoughts on how they are attached? (are they attached??)
regards,
John

Well John, first things first….Thanks for reading FF (you might even try reading some of the other posts here at Awesomeness) and taking the time to write! And sorry it’s taken me so long to get back to you.

So, let’s get to the, a-hem, meat of your letter! (See what I did there? You asked about cocks and I sai…oh, forget it.) I’m sorry to say, I don’t know where to get one of those fake cock setups…I did some “research” on the internet and came up empty handed. I even tried typing “How to make a fake squirting cock” into Google and everything. Nothing. Zip. Zero. Zilch.

So then I decided to go to straight to the source! Maybe the creator of Futanaria would reveal his cock secrets?!

Well, turns out John isn’t the only one wondering how to get his hands on a giant, strap on, spurting fake cock…oh no, my friends! Quite a few people have been asking about these mysterious devices.

Giant spurting fake cock.

And Craddy (the man behind the Futanaria) is keeping everything about the ladies’ uh…pulsating penile protuberancestotally top secret!

A couple of weeks ago my blog buddy Myrtle left me this comment, “Have you seen that clip where the guy is taking a bong rip with a special bong that’s inserted into his girlfriends pussy? Try to find it – it’s barf central :-P”

Death Scene: “Gasoline Dreams” Outkast (Don’t everybody like the smell of gasoline?)

Funeral Song: “Killing An Arab” The Cure
(Weird…my funeral is set to a song based on “…one of the most famous French novels of the twentieth century…” and is considered to be “…among the best literary expositions of the absurdity of human existence in an indifferent universe.“…nice.)

End Credits: “Break My Body” Pixies (After FIGHT CLUB we all know that the Pixies are a fine way to close your film.)

Well, not exactly what I would have picked, but interesting none the less….If any of you knuckleheads participate in this here meme, let me know…I’m a sucker for soundtracks.

“This artists rendering shows R&B singer R. Kelly, right, watching in court as prosecutors played the sex tape at the center of his child pornography trial in open court in Chicago on Tuesday, May 20, 2008, just hours after opening statements in which they accused the R&B singer of choreographing and starring in the footage with an underage girl.” (AP Photo/Lou Chukman)

My favorite part: “….they accused the R&B singer of choreographing and starring in the footage with an underage girl.” Wha? Not that I really want to see Kells having sex with a minor, but it was fucking choreographed?! I mean, I don’t doubt it…we are talking about The R. Kelly…you all saw what he did with TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET…so, I’m a guessin’ if he put half as much energy into this 25 minute video it has to be entertaining. Maybe entertaining isn’t the right word. It would be interesting? I know you’re wondering what’s on that tape.

I bet it looks a little something like this:

Or maybe not….but it would be a whole lot cooler than child porn if it did.

I was not familiar with R&B singer / songwriter DON COVAY until last week. A fellow employee at the record store popped on a greatest hits cd that stopped me in my tracks. Don had that great storytelling ability with minute attention to detail* I’ve only noticed in R. Kelly’s greatest efforts.

This one has become my personal favorite:

SOMEBODY’S BEEN ENJOYING MY HOME

He drank the last six pack of beer?! That bastard!

While poking around for Mr. Covay songs I came across this little gem about…..JAWS?!