Seven ways to reject feminists in your dating life

We’re in the last month of summer now in the Northern Hemisphere, and feminists are at long last crawling out of their mud huts where they’ve been estivating, hiding their pallid bloat from the male gaze and getting ready to go back to school to launch their next round of rape hoaxes. This summer, the best dull whine they could muster was on the oppressive nature of air conditioning.

As a warm up for the autumn man-trapping season, feminists are working on weaponizing dating, training hard for their chance to embarrass and shame unwary men for the crime of being men.

One feminist with the unlikely name of Linda Nowak (seriously? your name is “no whack”?) is using an Instagram account called “feminist tinder” to shame men for expressing doubts that feminists are worthy of dating at all. Another, named Lea Rose Emery, has a new article up at the feminist rag Bustle entitled “7 Ways To Inject Feminism Into Your Dating Life, Because It’s About Damn Time.”

Charming. Let’s go out, okay?

In the spirit of gender equality that feminists purport is the core of feminism, I’d like to review Lea Rose’s “7 Ways” to see if they are sexist, or, if men can use them in the same fashion that feminists do.

1. Don’t Be Scared Of The F Word.

I agree. Lea Rose writes “Don’t be ashamed, don’t even hesitate to label yourself a feminist.” Likewise, a man should not hesitate to ask if his date labels herself in this way. I imagine the conversation might go something like this:

Him: So, I noticed your black leggings, combat boots and your disdain for attractive clothing and makeup. How do you feel about feminism?

Her: You just want to fuck me, don’t you? That is all you pigs care about. I am SO going to report you for harassment and rape once this date is over. Why can’t you love me for ME?

At this point, you should stand up and without another word, walk out of the restaurant, never to return. Safety tip: reshaping your eyebrows will make it harder for her to pick you out of the inevitable police lineup that will follow.

Note: in her article, Lea Rose actually wrote “if you’re like me and more comfortable in black leggings and combat boots, that’s fine too.”

2. Pay your half.

I agree. Men usually consume more calories than women generally, but it is unclear that feminists follow this pattern. More calories correlates somewhat to a higher bill for the man’s portions, which means that for things to be equal, men may have to starve themselves from food just like feminists seek to starve men from sex. The solution is to get some drive-thru burgers on the way to pick her up and wolf them down before you arrive. This will make the feminist feel like a blimp as you pick at your scant food while she is stuffing her face. She’ll still feel bad when she eats 80% of your food while only paying half the bill – if, of course, she pays anything at all, or feels guilt at all.

3. Dress For You, Not For Them.

I agree.Nothing shows more disrespect for your date than showing up filthy and ill-dressed. Men love to be seen in public with stylish, attractive women and I imagine that women hate going out with slovenly men as well – it paints those women as cheap and well, feminist.

4. Be Straightforward.

I agree. Tell your feminist date that you absolutely hate being defrauded by women who use dates to get free meals and talk therapy, then waste your time when they don’t put out sexually. If you let her know that she is both expected to pay her share of both money and sex, you’ll signify that you are a no-nonsense guy who won’t put up with her tedious shit nor take “no” for an answer. Chicks dig that.

5. Plan A Date

I agree. Women hate both taking responsibility and being accountable, and feminists are no exception – they’ll force a man to pay 18 years of child support and deny men abortion rights by claiming “it is my body” as if years of men’s financial enslavement don’t involve those men’s bodies at all. Feminists demand men make things easy for them. You are the stage manager, she is the audience. Never forget that.

6. Choose The Position

I agree. Lea Rose writes:

Just like with dating, you should be dictating what happens in the bedroom some of the time. That doesn’t mean you should be on top with a whip every night if that’s not your thing, it just means getting what you want. If that means being submissive, that’s fine— feminists can be submissive, too! It just means you making sure you’re getting what you want.

Lea Rose is saying that women are entitled to use men’s bodies and sexuality however women want. Equality demands that men use women in the same way, doesn’t it? But seriously, Lea Rose, shouldn’t women have to ask for consent from men, too? Or are you too much a female supremacist to see that?

7. Be Picky

I agree – if she is too old (even at age 22), too fat, too hirsute, too mannish, too girlish, too poor, too angry, too ugly, too sexually incontinent, or whatever, don’t even bother being civil to her. Riding a moped might be fun but you don’t want your buddies to see you doing it. If setting impossible standards is okay for a feminist, it is okay for a man, too.

That’s equality, right?

Because dating a feminist sounds like a nightmare to me, and you should make her go through exactly the same thing.