Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

Karen's notes: Adam was silent last night. These are some that I've stashed away for such days.

Completely irrelevant plug: I PROMISE not to make a habit of using this space to promote things unrelated-- and I ask your pardon in advance-- but this is too close to my heart for me to let it go by completely unmentioned. If you live in the Boston area, you might want to check out the amazingly cool show that my brother wrote and directed. It's described as a "punk cabaret fairy tale," and has been getting a nice bit of press. It opens next week. Details here: www.performancelaboratory.com.

20100328

"Scientists in the future will completely struggle to work out how you were ever classified as an intelligent life form."

"Give me a pope on a rope any day, not shit on a string."
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Karen's note: Adam didn't talk last night, these are from my collection of honeymoon leftovers. On the nights that he talks a lot, I've started keeping a couple back so I have something for you all on his silent nights.

20100327

"Smug fucking chameleon, with it's googly oogly eyes. Stick it in front of the TV. That'll fuck it up."
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Karen's note: I think Adam would have said more, if he hadn't been woken up by the huge THUD of my computer falling on the floor. My apologies!

Shameless merchandise plug: We had lots of requests for "cake o'clock" stuff, so there are now t-shirts, aprons, mugs and more. We also added "direct line to god", "pony for sale", and others.

There are a bunch of new ringtones as well, but the shop is having technical problems fulfilling orders to the US. They tell us it will be fixed soon. In the meantime, feel free to go to the ringtone shop to hear some bonus audio. Listening is free!

20100324

Karen's note: About four years ago, I volunteered at an animal sanctuary in Brazil. I had a special monkey that I took care of, named Kurma, and he LOVED mango. If I gave him mango in his dish, he would ignore the rest of his food. I have lots of pictures of him with mango all over his face.

I've put 8 new quotes up in the US t-shirt shop, including "can do attitude" and "that manatee is going down." I'll catch up on the UK t-shirts and mugs by tomorrow. Links to all in the left-hand column.

20100316

"Of course I know where your eyes are. I just like staring at your tits. Thank you!"

"You try feeding me any processed soya, you're going to find it very hard to wipe your ass without any fucking arms."

"Correctomundo! Take the frame and shit on it, stick it on the wall and stare at it with pride. Cause that's the best thing you're ever going to do."
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Karen's note: Nothing to say about last night's offensive mutterings (except sorry?). I just wanted to let you all know that, after numerous requests, I've put all the published audio together on a page. There's a link to it in the audio section in the left-hand column.

Glass - I should mention here that Adam is a bit, shall we say, accident-prone. For example, he habitually slams his forehead on windows while trying to look out at something. Our garden door is perpetually littered with oval-shaped smudge marks. When I told Adam about this one in the morning, he admitted to me that, at his job yesterday, he smacked his forhead into the window, in front of everyone.

"She's got my leg!" - Our little dog Molly had actually settled herself across Adam's legs under the covers, and had him pinned.

Zebedee - A character from the most annoyingly inane children's film, The Magic Roundabout. As Adam explained to me this morning, "he's got a spring up his ass."

DipDab - Adam had to look this up when he woke up (weird!), but once he did, he remembered loving them 30 years ago.

Toilet Showers - Here's my guess about this one: In Thailand, the toilets all have little hand-held spray nozzles that you can use to wash your nether regions. The Thais use this instead of toilet paper (in our case, we made use of both... sorry, probably TMI). At the end of the trip, Adam commented that he would miss them. They ARE refreshing.

Bogey - This is the British equivalent of "booger" in the States.

Don't Stop Believing - Shortly before we left for honeymoon, Adam got obsessed with the new version of the song from the show Glee. We listened to it every morning for two weeks. I have to admit, it does rock.

"Kiss me. Tastes good, doesn't it. Why don't you go back and have a second helping? Be greedy."

"Windy in my hair. Don't bend over, you'll whistle."

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Karen's note: In that second one, Adam pronounced "minger" with a hard g. That is, it rhymed with "ginger". Same with "mingy". "Minger"-- rhyming with "ringer" -- is a slang term here in the UK, but I've never heard the pronunciations that Adam used. Anyone want to chime in on this?

20100309

Adam and I had the most magical honeymoon volunteering at the Elephant Nature Park in northern Thailand for two weeks. It was all we could have possibly hoped for.

Our daily waking life at the park seemed to play a much bigger role in Adam's sleep talking than it does at home. So, for today's special sort-of-happy-to-be-back post, I've included a number of such musings.

"Oh, such wrinkly skin. And oh so hairy. Yeah, like grandmothers with trunks."

"I want an elephant race, with hurdles and everything... Watch them jump over ditches. And we can stick little dogs on top as jockeys. Doggie jockeys."

Adam said this one, along with a few extremely rude insults, on a night that we were sleeping out in the jungle with 12 other people. We had hiked up into the mountain with 5 elephants, some volunteers and a number of thai workers. The other volunteers all missed hearing it (we were sleeping a bit away from them), but the thais right next to us certainly didn't.

The rest of the time, Adam and I had a hut in "The Palace," which is a raised structure comprised of 6 huts and 5 bathrooms, made mostly of bamboo and wood. Anytime anyone walked around, the entire structure shook with their footfall. I assume that explains this one:

"Stop bouncing the floor. Stop it, seriously, I need to pee. I need to pee and I can't pee in the toilet when you're bouncing the floor... Fuck you shit-for-brains, that's it, I'm gonna piss up and down your body every time you bounce... There we go."

The Palace had been built around an enormous fig tree, which was left growing out of the middle of the structure. Lucky us, the tree happened to hang right above our hut's roof. So at night, when the wind kicked up, figs would thump onto the roof above our heads, then roll down, and thump again onto the floor outside (you can hear them in the last recording). This, along with the periodic howling of the park's 50 + dogs, did not always make for the most restful night's sleep.

Finally, for anyone who has ever shoveled elephant poo, this one needs no explanation:

"Totally green snowballs. Giant ones! They look wrong. They sound wrong when they hit you. And boy do they smell wrong."

If anyone out there wants to know about the park, we're happy to talk about our experience. By the way, we were told that a day-visitor at the park asked for us, but it was a couple of days before we arrived. If this is you, make yourself known to us!

We missed you guys, and as hard as it is to go back to real life, we're happy to be back on the blog.

20100308

"Don't come in to work tomorrow. In fact, don't come back at all. Basically, I don't want you around, cause you're-- I'll keep this simple-- a cock. A small, pathetic, flaccid, looking-at-your-shoes-constantly kind of a cock. Okay, bye-bye!"