Attraction and dating information for the post-divorce crowd

Be Taciturn, Not Garrulous

Sue me. I am a pedantic man. I use big words. It’s my nature to be sesquipedalian.

My advice here is thus – when a man is dating, he should shut up and let the damsel do the talking. Please, keep quiet. Your daring stories of fiduciary acumen are not exciting. Your stories of relationship misery and woe are simply awful. Keep silent, look deeply into her eyes and let her speak.

I recommend this for the following reasons:

1. A quiet man resonates mystery. For all the words not spoken, the woman is forming an internal narrative with the man (you, hopefully) as a key performer. Realistic? Maybe, maybe not. This is the way of women.

2. For every word spoken by the man, the woman is interpreting, analyzing, and looking for a reason to reject him. If you are doing the online dating thing, this is important. While she might love your profile and your photos, the first date is crucial. If you haven’t had sex yet, a woman is looking for reasons to reject you.

This advice also applies to online dating messages. Keep the words to a minimum. Every word is expensive. Every word is sacred, every word is pure (hat tip to Monty Python). No woman wants three hundred words on why you are the best man ever. Twenty words builds more mystery and women love, love, love mystery. If you can manage it, let her mind do the somersaults to fit you into her life. If you can’t manage it, your words are turned into a knife that is slitting your own throat.

1. I dated this taciturn, mysterious guy, we went out 6 times. I was starting to feel the love pangs but at the same time I realized I didn’t know much about him at all, about his values, his goals in life, his thinking. So I figured out exactly what you’re saying, that I was falling for a figment of my imagination! So I promptly dumped him.

2. If you’re going to shut up so as not to give a woman reasons to reject you… she’s just going to reject you at a later date, when she finally figures you out.

PS: the sexiest, most desired men I know are those with the gift of the gab. The more they talk, the more women flock to them!

Women tend to build a narrative of the man they are becoming attracted to. With only a little information from the man, the women will create a narrative that suits her emotional needs. You figured it out. You get five bonus points for being introspective.

If you’re going to shut up so as not to give a woman reasons to reject you… she’s just going to reject you at a later date, when she finally figures you out.

This can be a dilemma. Of course, quite a few guys will get enough sexy time and if they’re good at, it won’t really matter if she figures him out because the rationalization hamster gets a healthy portion of its diet from vagina tingles.