No one’s favorite portly pre-teen looking dictator, Kim Jong-Un, is now implementing a rule that every man in North Korea must have his exact same haircut. I guess he is trying to make people mistake them for him, but since he’s the fattest guy on the entire peninsula, that will be quite difficult. Via BBC:

The state-sanctioned guidelines were introduced in the capital Pyongyang about two weeks ago, media reports say. They are now being rolled out across the country – although some people have reservations about getting the look.

“Our leader’s haircut is very particular, if you will,” one source tells Radio Free Asia. “It doesn’t always go with everyone since everyone has different face and head shapes.” Meanwhile, a North Korean now living in China says the look is actually unpopular at home because people think it resembles Chinese smugglers.

Every guy having the same haircut, wearing the same clothes, and being starved to death is a 100% Dystopian nightmare society. But after watching a few documentaries about North Korea, I could see the brainwashed populus thinking that having the same haircut makes them more like the leader, and hence, more willing to have the haircut. It sounds crazy, but, we’re talking about North Korea.

It seems that haircuts have been state-approved in North Korea for some time – until now people were only allowed to choose from 18 styles for women and 10 for men. Earlier, North Korea’s state TV launched a campaign against long hair, called “Let us trim our hair in accordance with the Socialist lifestyle”.

At least he is leaving the women to keep those 18 hairstyles. It’s not like it matters anyway, everything you do in that country is a severe beating.

Or, you know, a death sentence in one of the camps. Either way, if you live in North Korea, channel Wesley Willis and, “Take your ass to the barber shop / Tell the barber you’re sick of looking like an assh*le.” Because you could die if you don’t.

It seems too ridiculous to be real. With each story I read about King Jon Un, I’m becoming more and more convinced he will soon reveal that it was all fake, and that he was doing Joaquin Phoenix-like performance art.

Let’s do everyone a favor and wipe North Korea from the map. It’s only a matter of time for them to do something stupid that ruins the world. You can’t just take out Kim Jong-Un…another Kim Jong will come into power and make some other ridiculous ruling.