I am a 40-something European woman doing what I once thought wasn't possible: finding happiness after infertility. While it's been a long, difficult and emotional journey (10 unsuccessful IVF treatments), each day I take another step down the path toward a fulfilling new life. This is my story of reinvention.
I will be happy to hear from you: klara.soncek (@ ) gmail.com

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

I am having tough days, as always before 1st of September, when the new school year begins.
Everybody talks about their children, grandchildren and school things still need to be bought and new school projects waiting for them.
On all the commercials there are super sweet and cute children everywhere.
Except in our home.

But there is one thing that lifted my spirit today. I was just reading a printed Stern magazine (to practice my German, if I loose my job (quite possible) almost the only possibility to find a new job is to go to Austria / Germany) when I saw the whole page of cynical questions.

Both princesses came. I had them for 20 hours. And it was just wonderful. We played outside. Read books. Discovered the world through stickers & colouring. Having a treasure hunt (together with my best friend's children). Eating pancakes with Nutella.

(but - it was already after midnight, that the both girls were so filled with adrenaline that just couldn't sleep - and I was exhausted... this was the only time I regreted the idea).

It was lovely. Wonderful. But also bittersweet. Because I could experience all the fun things I could do with my own children. And I never will.

Though, the end was sad. The girls were picked up separately. The first came my sister-in-law to pick up her daughter. Obviously my sister-in-law expected that her child would run to her arms and be happy to go home. But, my niece started to beg that she wanted to stay longer with me, that she would ask my cousin to drive her home half an hour later.

The sister-in-law didn't handle it very well, she started to argue with her child and it ended so that the niece started to cry. And this was exactly what my sister-in-law waited for. So she gave my niece a punishment: she is never ever allowed to stay with me together with her beloved cousin again.

Friday, August 15, 2014

Theatre executive Jessica Hepburn is 43 and has been trying to have a
baby for nine years with her partner, Peter. "It's like a bruise," says
Jessica about the emotional impact of failing to have a biological
child, "whenever you press it, it hurts. I often wonder what our kids
would have looked like - Peter's hair, my eyes? I always imagined
motherhood would be part of my life. Creating a child with the person
you love - it's a very natural, strong desire for me."

Sunday, August 10, 2014

I am enjoying a beautiful summer. I am outside a lot: - cycling- working on my vegetable garden- swimming in the sea - swimming in the alpine lake - walking in the forrest- picking up blueberries- picking up porcinis Being sad because of my childlessness? No, no time for that :) My top favourite hobby of this week? Planning our next holidays, on the other side of the world. As you can see, there are plenty of books to read.

Sunday, August 3, 2014

I had a lovely day with an online friend from the beginning of my IVF years. We are the same age, have a very similar infertility story but we live on opposite sides of the country, so we never met very often. I haven't seen her for three years, I guess she did not want to know how it feels accepting a childless life for good (I understood that, I never blamed her for not wanting seeing me). Now she is preparing for her 10th and final IVF. If it doesn't work, she will give up. She visited me in the morning and than we spent lovely 12 hours together - discovering the north of our country. We had a great day together, with lots of laughter and stories. (If you wish to know the names of those places, I will be more then happy to tell you about them. My contact: klara.soncek (@) gmail.com ) I even told her that I am writing a blog. And I said that I will not tell her the title of my blog now, since there are still hopes that her IVF story will have a happy end.One of her stories that I loved the most. Conversation between her husband and a 15-year-old boy, son of their best friends. The boy: "How come you and your wife don't have children?"The husband: "Well, we tried and we couldn't, so we don't have them. Simple as that."The boy: "But why don't you adopt?"The husband: "There aren't any babies to adopt in our country. So we would have to go abroad, but that costs a lot of money."The boy: "How much?"The husband: "At least 30.000 EUR."The boy: "Uau, that's so much money. I would never pay that much to have a baby."The husband: "Neither would I."

Saturday, August 2, 2014

I have heard many nasty stories about surrogacy, but this is breaking my heart:http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-28617912How could biological parents leave Gammy behind? Do some infertile couples really thing that money can buy everything? Including having a choice of taking home only a healthy child?I am glad that the boy's surrogate mother is taking care of him. I was willing to take many new ways in fighting my infertility. But surrogacy was never an option. For million of different reasons.