After lots of pushing from friends, as well as Amazon, to upgrade to Amazon Prime, I have finally decided to do so. For just $75 dollars a year I get free 2-day shipping on Prime eligible items, access to Amazon movies on my Roku player, and free books for my Kindle! There are probably even more benefits to having it, but I don’t need to see anymore! I’m sold.

So I sign into my Amazon account and go to upgrade to Prime, and I see that Amazon has so nicely suggested some Prime eligible items based on my purchase history. How nice of them! So I go down to look at their suggestions and what do I find?

1. An Ab wheel.

2. My hair product that I use religiously. (Okay, fine)

3. A Glass Pleasure Wand (that comes in assorted colors.)

4. Antibacterial Adult Toy Cleaner

What are you suggesting Amazon?!?! Are you saying that I need to lose a few pounds, because I’ve been lonely self-pity-eating? But don’t worry, my hair has looked great since I’m running low on hair product. And thanks, Mom/Amazon, I really should clean my toys once I purchase them. WHAAAT?!? For those of you that know me, it is almost scary to see how accurate Amazon is about my personality. It really does know how much I care about my stomach, my hair and my vagina!

I just want my Grandma to know that I have never bought a sex toy from Amazon. I may have bought a small bottle of lube at one point in my life, but what ISN’T better with lube I ask you! I dare someone to answer that question. Use the comments section.