“I can see one clear advantage to this option: It’s all over quickly,” she writes. “And no one asks you for a follow-up interview. You appear once ­and then you vanish forever, along with your husband’s career.”

In a situation like this, I thought it was very generous of Silda Wall Spitzer to appear on stage with her husband. She was not smiling, even forcedly–the poor woman looked stricken. I feel very sorry for her and her daughters; they deserve far better. It seems unlikely that the governor would ever be able to avoid resignation: Silda Spitzer’s presence would not resuscitate her husband’s career. This makes her appearance all the more generous.

How does standing by his side cover her from future questions and backlash? Hilary certainly didn’t avoid the continued questions by standing by Bill’s side. What’s the message “…I support my husbands decisions, no matter what they are, I am a good wife and my family is too important to jeopordize over a small scandal.” Not to mention that as an attorney she stands in support of his illegal behavior. And by the way, how come these public figures are not getting hauled away in cuffs for breaking the law, the double standard is absurd, prostitution – against the law, buying black market steroids – agains the law. Spitzer should get dragged through the mud for holding himself above the law and his wife should go down with him if she chooses to stand by his side.

I very much disagree. Why have an innocent person (wife) stand next to a criminal (husband) when it is only about the latter. Because we long to understand why these things happen (and there’s a whole other explanation), a wife standing by her guilty husband’s side shares the blame in our minds – was she a cold wife etc. Why put her face in the news? I am all for parading the guilty in public as a modern form of the village stocks. Once released from the stocks, the guilty can then head home and see if they are still welcome. This part is none of our business.

Mrs. Spitzer did no wrong and did not deserve to have to stand in humiliation beside that guy. I learned more about the governor’s character at that press conference than before. He used his wife as a prop!

I’m glad you posted a link to the Applebaum post. I was wondering exactly the same thing too and thought that maybe political wives are somehow different (not better or worse) from me. I definitely don’t see myself going in front of cameras and implicitly supporting my husband as he almost confesses to having cheated on me. Applebaum’s post makes so much more sense as I can see myself just doing whatever it takes to end the humiliation as quickly as possible.

In political marriages, it’s part of the turf. Basically, she earned her status by marrying this man, who most often climbed the ladder to the position he has now. To stay out of the picture would send the message, “I am [literally] not standing by him,” which means “I won’t in any case forgive him; this marriage is over.” That kind of public statement, even if implicit, seems to kick a man when he’s down. That’s why she has to be there; it’s all upside for her (she remains on the high road even if they divorce three weeks later) and no downside possibility.

Vanished and banished forever? What about Hilary? No…you can shame her all you want for standing up or showing up on the podium with her fallen white knight but these are the steps one takes, must take, inorder to keep ones soul intact. Everyone knows she doesn’t want to be there. Look at the woman’s face, right out of a Greek tragedy in slo-mo. When sleeping beauty wakes up in this day and age, it’s more like a slap in the face then a sweet kiss. Any marrigae under the glaring eye of the public can not thrive. Because the our puritanical American public does not accept the complexity of love.

No, Silda Wall didn’t need to be there. Can anyone imagine a cuckolded husband standing alongside his errant spouse while she says she is sorry, not for being a hypocrite and an adulterer and most likely a pervert, but sorry she got caught. This would just so not ever happen.

I am waiting for the day when the wronged wife appears out of nowhere right in the middle of the “I am responsible” nonsense (like someone else has remote control of this guy’s genitalia?) and slings a lamp at his head.

Now I understand why the wives must be drug before the cameras at the side of their philandering husbands, after Applebaum’s comments. If it were me, I’d just hide in a closet and tell him where to go. Why should she be punished?
Lucky Woman–Married for 60 years.

This statement by Anne Applebaum is nonsense. Spitzer’s wife can stay home. She can take the kids and take off to calmer places. She does not have to stand there, looking impaled, and give him even token support. What he has done is to humiliate his wife, his family and himself. He’s been selfish, insensitive — the quintessential male pig.

I’m so glad you brought this up. That’s all I could think about when I saw those news images of the two of them! Stand by your man if you must, or want to, after he gets accused of, say, gambling or extortion, but thousands of dollars’ worth of sex with strangers? Please. Mrs. Spitzer should not have been put through that torture.

I’m not sure I see any advantage in the wife standing beside the husband at a press conference as he discusses his indiscretions. The idea that it’s ‘all over quickly’ is probably incorrect. Forevermore, after the profoundly embarrassing experience of having to stand in front of the world as hubby airs dirty laundry, the wife will still be hounded by reporters and authors wanting to get the ‘inside’ story. The bigger question is what does the stance of wife beside philandering husband say to the rest of people in society: it says that an enormous violation of trust (and colossal stupidity) can be forgiven. How about if the wife told the husband “You did this! Now you face the music. I won’t stand up there with you, because I had nothing to do with your absolutely depraved actions and your obvious indifference to my love and my trust.” Now, that would really put infidelity in it’s position, and say something powerful to the rest of the women and men watching (as well as to the couples’ children). I really wish that political wives had the courage to do this.

Of course she did. Whatever her personal, private feelings are, she needed to show that she was alive, well and handling herself with dignity.

Hillary Clinton is a prime example of ‘damned if she does, etc.’ No matter how a woman behaves when her husband is the center of a scandal, she is fodder for insensitive press busybodies.

If she had stayed in the background, the press would be asking where she was. Now she can go home and take care of her family, her first obligation. I am sure that she is in shock at many levels and by standing there, she has answered, without speaking, that she is holding up and she will continue to see this through, no matter what she decides when the dust settles.

Why does Spitzer’s career have to end? That foot tapping degenerate in Idaho didn’t quit. Bill Clinton didn’t quit. Both committed crimes as well.

Wives are the unfortunate targets of petty people. It isn’t bad enough that her husband has hurt her and her children?

He stood on such high moral ground, even though he hasn’t been as effective a governor as it was first hoped. Even if Mrs. Spitzer was not as stunned as the rest of us, I applaud her for her fortitude. As a political wife, she was there, whether she “needed” to be or not. Sadly, it will not be “over” for her for a long time, whether she decides to “change the locks,” or not.

The “I’m sorry, what was I thinking” press conference checklist: miked podium(check); American flag(check); sad/steeled spouse(check); potted plant(check)….I think Applebaum is wrong. There will always be “follow-up” of one kind or another. There are two dimensions to this: public and private. The press and the people should not expect this kind of public display of faux-support….if that’s the case, why not have the kids appear too? Let Spitzer defend his behavior as a public offical on his own, and leave his family out of the klieg lights to deal with the personal dimension of this in private.

So why is there a need for the political spouse to to appear in the first place? I imagine that few political wives enjoy the martyrdom and leering assessments that accompany their appearance, hand in hand, with the political offender of the day. Why play that game, particularly if the offense is far more keenly felt by the spouse than by anyone else? Mrs. Spitzer’s behavior is not at issue here.

3/11/08
If Spitzer’s wife was not cold prior to this expose’ of his flagrant behavior, she certainly has cause to say “don’t come near me” now. Chances are that high priced prostitutes carry contagious diseases as well as those who perform on the cheap.

He is now a “dirty old man” and doesn’t deserve any respect or support from his spouse or family. It wasn’t a mistake……he pursued this act voluntarily, without giving any thought or consideration to the reprehensible damage inflicted to his personal and political life.

This type is a blight to America and the poor example set by Mr. Spitzer to the youth of today is unforgivable.

Ms. Wall Spitzer stood on stage not for her husband, but to reassure the citizens of New York and the rest of the country she was not plying the governor with lamps, rings of keys, and anything else in reach. Instead, her calm appearance reassured the nation that governing was continuing in as cool a fashion as possible.

There was nothing she could do.
I have to say though, she was the most ashen-faced wife of a politician I’ve seen in a while. She didn’t seem supportive, rather, she seemed shamed, sad and angry. Those are the breaks, unfortunately.

the political wife if she thinks that her husbands is innocent she should come to her husband and i do not think that a wife cannot know how is her husband and his nature and morals. if she says i had no idea about this then she has failed as a good wife.

As a political wife, you’ve stood by his side for a lot of things, good and bad. Your world has just been blasted, and it’s too soon to know if your marriage will survive this, or if, in the end, you’ll leave. So you do as you always have. Besides, do you really want to desert your friend/ partner/ husband as he endures the worst moments of his public life? You’d want him there for you in your hour of need – no matter how badly you’d screwed up yourself – so you stand by. It’s all you can do.

Why doesn’t someone come up with a lifesize cardboard figure of a nice-looking woman with a somewhat pained, serious expression on her face. Her hand, of course, will be extended and available to hold. It would expedite these regular post-dalliance photo ops that we are being treated to with such tiresome frequency.