Well Maybe I Am

I’ve felt like getting lost for the last week or so. If I could screw all responsibility, I’d probably head for Mexico, where the weather’s hot, the beer’s cheap, and I never feel like I have to comb my hair or wear a bra.

In the past week I’ve:

indulged in retail therapycut my haircame this close to buying a puppy (from a pet store, no less)thrown somethinglived mostly on coffee and waterdisinfected everything in my apartment that can withstand Clorox wipesspilled to my mother only to have her cut me off because she just got the pizza

I can be defunct when it comes to handling issues of my own grey matter. Frankly, the shit Colorado weather isn’t helping anything. I remember feeling like complete garbage all throughout cold, dark and otherwise miserable Iowa winters; I’m not quaint on the idea of getting back into that.

With another snowstorm predicted to hit Denver this weekend (that makes four in a row), I feel at the end of my rope. I’m not feeling anxious and crazy like last time. Just sort of like all the air’s been let out of me.

But I’ll be smart about it this time around and buy the blizzard essentials ahead of time. So far my list looks like this:

I better get to the grocery store ASAP. It’s total anarchy in these parts during a storm, and I’m serious. Last time around the dairy isle was completely cleaned out (save for a lonely pack of string cheese), and I saw two ladies fighting with each other over a package of bacon. Bacon, y’all. Like the flipping Apocalypse is coming.

And FYI, if the Apocalypseis coming, a slab of bacon sure isn’t going to help your fat, I-used my-alimony-to-buy-this-huge-$80k ride-I-don’t-need ass.