“Why do you keep saying that? How is any of this your fault?” Kyuhyun’s mother demanded of her son, as they waited in the small ICU waiting room right outside her husband’s room.

“It just is,” Kyuhyun told her as he sat beside her on the couch, clenching her hand tightly.

“Kyuhyun, I do not have time for your self-involvement, while your father is fighting for his life. You weren’t driving the car that ran through the red light and smashed into your father’s car. This wasn’t your fault!” she told him, shaking her head. She had been at the hospital for almost a day now, and Kyuhyun’s repeated mantras of ‘I’m sorry’ were beginning to play on her frayed nerves.

“Sometimes you think you know everything. You forget everything you were ever taught. You are so busy thinking about what you want…what you can get away with… that you lose sight of what’s really important. Then God gives you a reminder,” Kyuhyun told her bitterly, with tears he thought had run out of hours ago running down his face again.

Kyuhyun’s mother studied him closely. “Apparently, you have forgotten everything you ever knew about God if you think he did this to your father as a way to punish you.”

“Mom.”

“Don’t mom me. You…the world is not about you, Kyuhyun. This is about your father, not about you feeling sorry for yourself because you think God is punishing you,” she snapped at her son.

Kyuhyun jerked up. “I don’t think that.”

“Are you sure? It sure sounds like a pity party to me.”

Kyuhyun was humiliated at the thought. “No, no. I’m sorry.”

“Kyuhyun,” his mother said, shaking her head at him. “I don’t know what is going on in that head of yours, but your father has to be our focus right now.”

“I know. He is.”

“Good, because he just survived a surgery that could have killed him, should have killed him. Everything has to be about your father now. All of our faith, hope, and love have to be directed at him.”

“It is. I promise it is. Hyung?” Kyuhyun questioned as he saw Leeteuk enter the small waiting room with Eunhyuk and Donghae behind him. Donghae walked over to Kyuhyun and embraced him tightly.

“Hey, Sweetie,” Kyuhyun’s mother said, instantly softening as she looked at Donghae, who looked devastated. She pulled him into a warm hug as soon as he released her son.

“Are you leaving?” Kyuhyun questioned, looking up at Leeteuk.

“I am going to take him home. I think he needs to sleep. Lots of bad memories are revisiting him,” Leeteuk said, pointing to Donghae, who hadn’t let go of Mrs. Cho.

Kyuhyun nodded his head in understanding as he stood up. Leeteuk quickly pulled Kyuhyun into a hug. “We will be back after we get some rest. Sungmin, Yesung, Siwon and Shindong are still in the main waiting room. If you need anything…they are just waiting to help you.”

“I know,” Kyuhyun told the leader, not releasing him from the hug.

“Heechul and Zhou Mi are going to leave China as soon as they can. They should be here by tomorrow evening,” Leeteuk said, pulling away from Kyuhyun.

“They didn’t have to come back,” Kyuhyun told Leeteuk, trying his best to remain collected.

“Yes, they did. It’s what we do,” Leeteuk told him with a small smile. “It’s who we are.”

Before Kyuhyun could reply, Eunhyuk pulled him into a fierce hug. “I know your dad is going to be fine. Is there anything I can get you…anyone?”

“No,” Kyuhyun said, breaking away. “I’m good.”

“Are you sure?” Eunhyuk asked, looking very doubtful.

“Yes,” Kyuhyun said, nodding his head too eagerly. “I will see you guys later. Get some rest.”

Kyuhyun remained standing as the others left. He looked through the window that separated his father’s room from the waiting room. He watched nurses busily studying the monitors connected to his father. He watched as his father lay there stiff and still with multiple tubes running into him and the ventilator breathing for him. He could feel his mother’s eyes on him. “Do you want some fresh coffee?”

“No, I’m good,” she answered.

“Okay.” Kyuhyun trembled all over, as he finally pulled away from the sight of his father and sat back down next to his mother.

“Honey, where is Ryeowook?” His mother asked him again, as she reached for his hand and grasped it in hers.

Mrs. Cho flinched when she saw pain flash across her son’s face at the question. “I don’t know. I’m not his keeper.”

“Have you tried calling him?” Mrs. Cho persisted.

“I can’t get a hold of him. I just can’t,” Kyuhyun told her, turning away, so she could not see his face.

“I can’t get a hold of him either. I have been calling him since yesterday,” Sungmin said as he walked into the waiting room with Shindong. Sungmin sat down beside Kyuhyun and Shindong and rested against the couch’s arm.

“I can’t get him to answer the phone either,” Mrs. Cho informed Sungmin.

“You tried to call him?” Kyuhyun asked his mother in disbelief.

“Of course I did. He is your very best friend in this world. You need him. He needs to be here with you.”

“No. I don’t think he even knows what happened. He high tailed it out of practice yesterday, and nobody has seen him since,” Sungmin explained and added, “Now I am getting more worried. If he knew, he would be here.”

Kyuhyun could feel his mother’s eyes burning holes into him. He knew she remembered exactly who he had been with when she had given him the news. Kyuhyun got up quickly. “I need some more coffee.”

“I can go get you some,” Shindong offered.

“No, I need to get out of here,” Kyuhyun said, leaving the room quickly.

***************

“So your sister won’t be here ‘til tomorrow?” Siwon asked the sleepy maknae the next day. They were sitting together in the little waiting room outside of Kyuhyun’s father’s hospital room.

“She was camping at some big park in the states…Yellow Stone. She didn’t even have phone reception ‘til yesterday. Then, she had to find a flight; it hasn’t been easy,” Kyuhyun explained, leaning back into the couch.

“I am sure you will be happy to see her.”

“She wanted to find a bear. She’s crazy.”

“Like her brother?”

“I don’t know what you are talking about. I’m not nearly that crazy. I promise that you will never catch me camping out in search of a bear,” Kyuhyun said, standing up and walking to the window to look at his father. There were fewer tubes now, and he was off the ventilator.

Siwon got up and placed an arm around Kyuhyun. “He’s doing better than they expected. Can’t keep you Cho men down.”

“I will just be happy when he wakes up,” Kyuhyun said, watching both of his parents. His mother was at her husband’s bedside.

“You can’t really say anything, since you kept all us worried for days. Sleeping Beauty.”

“I was in coma. I wasn’t sleeping,” Kyuhyun pointed out, sounding as exhausted as he looked.

“It was a horrible time. This has to be hard on you. Lots of bad memories? Nightmares?” Siwon asked gently, with his comforting arm still around the maknae.

“I haven’t slept. I have no intention of sleeping. My dreams will not be kind to me.”

“Sooner or later, you are going to crash.”

“Good thing I am member of SJ, because I’m used to not sleeping,” Kyuhyun joked bitterly.

“Very true.” Siwon agreed. “Heechul and Zhou Mi should be here any minute.”

“Speak, and you shall receive,” Heechul said as he entered the waiting room, giving them a skeptical stare. Zhou Mi, who was right behind him, stepped around Heechul to embrace Kyuhyun.

“I’m not giving you a hug. I heard that your old man’s already off the ventilator. I am thinking this was all just some ploy to get me to come home. Miss me much?” Heechul informed Kyuhyun, taking a seat on the couch and looking totally unmoved.

“It’s still too early to be sure, but it’s looking really hopeful. The doctors are very pleased. He’s breathing on his own; that’s always a plus,” Kyuhyun said with a small smile.

“So, you did just miss me?”

“That’s it. I mean you are one of a kind…everything is so boring when you’re away,” Kyuhyun told Heechul, making the older man beam.

“Next time just call, okay. Who is all here?” Heechul asked, looking around the room. “I am assuming other members are lurking around in the mist.”

“Leeteuk, Eunhyuk and Donghae came and brought everybody breakfast this morning. Leeteuk and Eunhyuk had work to do, so they had to leave, and they took Donghae with them. It’s really been hard on Donghae. Yesung’s mom came and took Yesung, Shindong, and Sungmin out for dinner. She tried to get Kyuhyun to go, but he refused, so I decided to stay with him and his mom,” Siwon explained.

“Which totally wasn’t necessary at all. The big waiting room is full of my family and enough people from our church to hold a revival,” Kyuhyun said, but was unable to resist giving a Siwon a thankful smile.

“When have you ever known Siwon to miss a revival? I mean if there’s an opportunity to pray, then he is going to stay,” Heechul informed them, causing the other three men to laugh.

“And still, I don’t pray nearly enough for you,” Siwon told Heechul, but his affection for the other man could be clearly heard.

“Should I go spice up the waiting room? Tell them I’m an atheist and dare them to convert me?” Heechul asked with a wicked grin, as Siwon gave him a long suffering look.

“A fan? She hunted my sister down in Paris! Did you know she stalked my sister in Paris?”

“No,” Zhou Mi answered, shocked.

“Of course my sister is a crazier than any stalker, so they got along fine, but I was seriously scared at times with her. I actually was looking for a weapon at one point,” Kyuhyun said, only exaggerating a little.

“But she and Mei were friends…although not as close as I was led to believe.” Zhou Mi looked truly taken aback.

“She probably stalked you to get to me.”

Heechul sniffled and wrapped an arm around Kyuhyun. “I’m so proud my little guy finally had his first stalker.”

“Plus she’s a hot stalker,” Siwon added.

“Very hot stalker,” Zhou Mi agreed.

“I am so glad you guys are taking this seriously. If I had ended up at the bottom of the Han River feeding the fishes, it wouldn’t be so funny,” Kyuhyun told them, annoyed at their lack of concern.

“Silly,” Heechul said, ruffling Kyuhyun’s hair. “Stalkers don’t throw away the body. She would have had you stuffed, so she could molest your body over and over again.”

“I will show you,” Siwon told Zhou Mi, before turning to Kyuhyun. “Do you need anything?”

“Just for my dad to wake up.”

“Well, that is going to happen very soon. I can feel it,” Siwon told him before he left with Zhou Mi.

Kyuhyun watched them leave. He felt very lucky that he had such friends. They were barely out of the room when Heechul started interrogating him. “So, where’s Ryeowook?

“What?”

“You know, Ryeowook. Short little guy who sings almost as good as he cooks. He’s very fond of you?” Heechul said, peering closely at Kyuhyun.

Kyuhyun paled under Heechul’s scrutiny. “I guess he’s at the dorm. You know he hates hospitals.”

“Really? Ryeowook is at the dorm, and you are here all broken into tiny little pieces because daddy was in a wreck. Everybody who knows you, and most especially your Ryeowook, would know how hard this would be for you.”

“He has a life. I’m okay. I have my family. He doesn’t need to be here,” Kyuhyun said, trying to explain, but the look in Heechul’s eyes scared him.

“Poor excuses. So, another lover’s quarrel?” Heechul said, smiling as if he were a cat that was playing with his prey.

“You want to go rip out one of your dad’s IVs in an attempt to distract me? Maybe Eunhyuk can run in, proclaiming the awesomeness of popsicles,” Heechul told Kyuhyun with a smile that let Kyuhyun know he had never been fooled.

Kyuhyun jumped up from the couch. “Stop, don’t say anything more. You are wrong. Wrong.”

“Please. You can fool everybody else, but you can’t fool me. I am curious to know how Eunhyuk found out, though. It isn’t like he figured it out on his own…he isn’t that bright. Hey, don’t you dare pass out. Sit down,” Heechul ordered as Kyuhyun took on a pale color that even worried him.

“Hyung, you can’t ever say such crazy things ever again,” Kyuhyun begged, getting back on the couch and taking Heechul’s hands in his and pleading with him. .

“No, you need to make up with your boyfriend. I’m sure Eunhyuk is too freaked out by the thought of you two being together to be any help to you. Everybody else is clueless. I’m your advocate here, kid. You need him. He is probably even-” Heechul stopped suddenly, his jaw dropping open as he looked over Kyuhyun’s shoulder, stunned.

Kyuhyun’s followed Heechul’s gaze, and his heart stopped. His mother was leaning in the doorway, listening to their every word. “Heechul, I’m very thirsty. Do you mind going and getting me some bottled water?”

“I..I’ll go right now,” Heechul said, standing up quickly. “You know I’m crazy and I say stuff that’s just crazy…and I should never be taken seriously. I hope - ”

“Heechul, please go now,” Mrs. Cho spoke in a voice that didn’t encourage debate. Heechul gave Kyuhyun a look that showed his sincere regret, and then he fled the room.

“Mom!” Kyuhyun panicked, jumping up from the couch and waving his arms. “I don’t know what you thought you might have heard…Heechul was just being Heechul. He was teasing. He didn’t really mean it. I wouldn’t do that to you or dad. I wouldn’t.”

“Kyuhyun, honey,” Mrs. Cho said with tears running down her face.

“Don’t cry,” Kyuhyun pleaded as tears also ran down his own face, matching hers. “I promise I will never do anything to shame you or dad. Heechul doesn’t know anything…I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it isn’t. If it were true, it would not be okay. It would be wrong. Don’t you see that? I see it. I see it now. It’s not okay. It could never be okay. I would never hurt you guys. You know that, right?” Kyuhyun appealed to her, his whole body shaking.

“Honey, just calm down,” She said, advancing toward him. “It really is okay. I love you. I love Ryeowook, too. I have suspected this for a long time. It’s going to be okay.”

Kyuhyun jumped back as she reached out for him. “I don’t know what you are talking about. I have a girlfriend; her name is Jia Li. Want me to go get her? She’s older, so I didn’t think you would approve of her, but I will go get her. I am not a fag. I’m not.”

Kyuhyun started laughing manically, alarming his mother. “Mom, don’t say that. Nothing? Nothing? Don’t tempt fate; it will make a liar out of you every time.”

“You are tired, and you are upset. You need to calm down,” Mrs. Cho said, approaching her hysterical son. “Honey, I hate to see you like this.”

“I hate being like this. I hate it so much!” Kyuhyun told her before he turned and ran from the room.

**********

Heechul walked into Ryeowook’s room, shutting the door behind him and locking it. Ryeowook was curled up in a ball on the bed. He was wearing pajamas and staring off in a daze, oblivious to Heechul’s presence.

Heechul shook his head in mild annoyance as he went and turned some music on to drown out the confrontation he was about to have with the eternal maknae. This caused Ryeowook to blink and give Heechul a severe look. “I was sleeping, Hyung.”

“You don’t look like somebody who’s been sleeping to me,” Heechul pointed out as he sat down on the bed next to him.

“What do you want?” Ryeowook bluntly asked as he sat up in bed.

“I want you to go take care of your boyfriend,” Heechul told him, watching him carefully for his reaction.

Ryeowook’s shoulders tensed, but he played it off as a joke. “Which one? I have so many.”

“The one that is about to crack into a million pieces,” Heechul told Ryeowook, not amused at the other man’s denial.

Ryeowook’s gaze darted around the room, avoiding eye contact with Heechul. “Since I don’t know which boyfriend you are talking about, you’re going to have to specify for me.”

“It would be the one that I accidentally outed to his mother today,” Heechul admitted to Ryeowook, taking no comfort in the misery that spread across the young man’s face.

“It was an accident,” Heechul assured the other man, who had pulled his knees up to his body, hugging them.

“How do you accidentally out somebody to their mother? A mother that has so much to deal with already? Her husband might die, and now she has this to deal with this, too,” Ryeowook moaned as he got off the bed.

“I was actually trying to help. I just innocently asked where you were. He acted like he didn’t care. I know for - ” Heechul started to explain.

“He doesn’t care!” Ryeowook informed him, pacing the room.

“Oh, he cares. He was lying to me…and maybe I got tired of acting the fool.”

“I don’t know what you think you know, but we are just good friends, and you should be ashamed for putting such ideas in Mrs. Cho’s head!” Ryeowook turned, glaring at Heechul, as the full extent of what he had done registered with him.

“Don’t get me mad, or you will regret it,” Heechul warned, his mood becoming darker.

Ryeowook’s face hid none of his tormented emotions when he inquired desperately, “What am I suppose to say? What should I say to this?”

Heechul looked abashed for moment, regretting his threat. “When Kyuhyun was in the hospital that last time, he slipped up, and I instantly knew. It was so obvious then, but I let him think he had fooled me. I watched as you two struggled these past weeks, biting my tongue to keep from saying something. Then I walked in on you two in this very room…I was certain things would get better.”

“We didn’t do anything then, Hyung,” Ryeowook pleaded suddenly, understanding the futility of denying the change in their relationship. Heechul gave Ryeowook such a look of scorn that Ryeowook hurried to explain further. “We only kissed. We heard you, and we stopped before anything else happened.”

“Should I apologize?”

“No! It was the worse idea in the world. Kyuhyun knows that now, finally. I can’t be there for him at the hospital; it would only make it worse. He told me not…you told his mother?” Ryeowook moaned, losing track of his own thought pattern as that one awful truth replayed over and over in his mind.

“It was an accident. I didn’t mean for her to find out. I was letting Kyuhyun know he wasn’t fooling me, and that he’s only fooling himself if he thought he didn’t need you with him. She just happened to be eavesdropping, which is extremely rude, I might add.”

“She’s the rude one? Ha!”

“Yes, it’s very rude to eavesdrop,” Heechul explained as he picked at Ryeowook’s bedspread, his own shame at being overheard apparent.

“What did she say?” Ryeowook asked, sinking to the floor.

“That I don’t know. She made me leave. I was supposed to go get her some water, but I left instead to find you. Do you mind bringing her some water when you visit Kyuhyun?”

Ryeowook just shook his head. “I can’t ever face her again.”

“Well, aren’t you a shitty boyfriend.”

“Stop saying that. We aren’t anything but friends. It never went far. I was fighting him off ‘til just a couple days ago, and then tragedy struck, stopping us. I can’t go to him. He doesn’t want me there. I am respecting his wishes.”

“Your cowardliness is starting to annoy me,” Heechul said, standing up and glaring down at Ryeowook.

“Hyung!”

“You would just leave him to the wolves as you hide in this bedroom.”

“He made it clear to me that he didn’t want me there! He told me not to go.”

“He’s an idiot. He is so close to the edge…he’s like tethering on it. I promise you, if you go to him, he won’t send you away,” Heechul said, reaching out a hand to Ryeowook.

“I can only be his friend,” Ryeowook tried to explain as he took Heechul’s hand.

“Well, it’s a good thing you have lots of practice at being his friend, then,” Heechul said, pulling Ryeowook up.

Ryeowook looked at Heechul, tears escaping his eyes for the first time since their conversation began. “You are right, of course.”

“Like always. Do you need a hug?” Heechul asked the distraught younger man.

“Very much so,” Ryeowook told him, going in for a hug, but stopping when Heechul’s arm flying up between them halted him.

“First, you need to answer some questions for me.”

“Huh?”

“If I am going to be a professional secret keeper, I need some details,” Heechul said, smiling wickedly at him, “I have so many questions that I couldn’t ask before, because I didn’t want to scare you little bunnies off.”

“Hyung?”

“Don’t Hyung me. This will be a quick answer session. I know you have to get to your beloved.”

“Thought so. How the hell does Eunhyuk know?” Heechul asked, clearly bewildered at how Eunhyuk could know.

“He eavesdropped on us.”

“Well, that can’t be helped…innocent mistakes happen,” Heechul said sympathetically, remembering his own blunder earlier. “Who else knows?” Heechul said, watching Ryeowook for any signs of a lie.

“You, Eunhyuk, and I guess Kyuhyun’s mom now. Kyuhyun’s sister suspects, but he has never confirmed it for her. Oh, and Yunho knows.”

“Yunho!” Heechul screeched, surprised.

“Yeah, Kyuhyun told him,” Ryeowook verified. “Can I go now?”

“How dare Yunho not tell me? I’m one of his oldest friends! My little maknaes are making like bunnies, and he doesn’t feel the need to warn me? I could have protected you!” Heechul seethed, clenching his fists.

“There has been no bunny action, and there isn’t going to be any!” Ryeowook declared, astounded at Heechul’s choice of words.

Heechul grabbed Ryeowook and pulled him into a tight embrace. “Right, whatever. If I ask you questions about your sex life, you aren’t going to answer them, are you?”

“I know… my bad. Best friends forever, whatever. I have to go kill Yunho now.” Heechul said, swinging the door open and turning back to look at Ryeowook one more time. “Just help him.” Heechul told him, before leaving the room in search of an old friend.