Sailor On First Deployment Shocked Other Countries Have Cars, Electricity

DUBAI, United Arab Emirates — Now on his first deployment, Navy Fireman Donald Marks joined the military to see the world in all its primitive glory, but he’s been shocked to discover that countries outside the United States have roads, cars, and even running water.

“Dubai is amazing!” wrote Marks in a recent letter to his mother. “I thought the Middle East was a bunch of nomads on camels. Their roads look the same as ours, and the city has tall buildings. I didn’t think other countries knew how to build those.”

Sources confirmed Marks was also quite surprised that people in Dubai had jobs, ate normal-looking food, and had buildings over 10 feet in height.

“I can’t believe these stupid ragheads could build stuff like this,” Marks said, unaware that everyone around him spoke English.

At the Gold Souk, he was convinced he would haggle with merchants and get good price. However, sources confirmed the moment he stepped into a shop the cashiers conspired in Arabic, a language Marks is unfamiliar with, to raise the prices on what they called “the stupid American.”

Mark’s wonder at Dubai was surpassed only by his surprise when he saw the Naval base in Djibouti.

“Africans have jobs?” he asked when he saw contractors working on the base. “I thought they just ran around with Ebola all day. Who taught them how to wear regular clothes?”

“Maybe it’s like this in every country,” Marks said. “I knew Toyota and Subaru were Japanese, but I thought they were made in America by Japanese immigrants or something. I didn’t realize they had manufacturing plants in Japan. Doesn’t that get in the way of all the ninjas?”