Thursday, August 18, 2016

After Decades of Law Breaking SFMTA Finally Pilots Double Parking

San Francisco is known as for innovation, and nothing could be more innovative than the SFMTA's latest pilot program which enshrines free Sunday double parking. "We're so excited this is finally happening! After decades of completely disregarding the law, public safety or the movement of traffic, we're getting a double parking pilot!" said one motorist while abandoning his car in the middle of the street.

The SFMTA said it took a lot of hard work to make this happen. "First of all, we had to completely disregard the community process, because they voted it down 4 to 3. It was deeply unpopular with the community, but we came up with some arbitrary need for 5 people to vote it down, not just a simple majority. So we easily cleared that hurdle. The second part was to completely disregard the separation of church and state. I mean we made it legal near churches and on Sunday mornings, but it's totally not for church people or whatever. It's just that easy!"

What the pilot will look like is anyone's guess, since the program hasn't been finalized and it's making something most cities consider an undesirable and dangerous practice a weekly occurrence. "We'll just do what we usually do," said one SFMTA employee, "We'll distinguish between the legal double parking and illegal double parking. People will start respecting the laws surrounding double parking once we have rules in place... even though the reason why we're doing this pilot because is because people broke the law in the first place. We'll also rely heavily on 'enforcement,'" he said with a hearty laugh.

Motorists are hoping the SFMTA will forgo other bike lane, pedestrian and public transit improvement to pilot other previously illegal and dangerous practices. "They could pilot blocking the crosswalk, blasting through red lights, or the time honored tradition of driving over the speed limit," tweeted one motorist while searching for double parking.