“The principal announces the birthdays during morning announcements. Then everyone looks at you all day like you’re supposed to give them a cupcake. I mean, really…. Are they all just in it for the cake?”

The Boy is having an existential crisis. He’s not excited for his birthday. He’s not excited to get older. He doesn’t even want a friend party. “They’re all going to bring things. And I don’t need things in boxes. It’s not about things in boxes with wrapping paper. It’s about friendship. We all need friendship,” he wailed. He’s right. But I still would have laughed if he hadn’t been so darned serious about it.

I explained that his family & friends are happy he’s here so we want to celebrate with him. We want to remember the day he joined us. It was January 13 , 2004 at 1:14 pm. A fact that cracks us up because if we had only been :56 earlier he could have been born on 1/13/04 at 1:13:04.

We agreed on one thing. We’d have an Un-Birthday. It’s still his birthday, but it will be low-key:

– No dinner out. Usually the Birthday Kid gets to pick where he wants to go to dinner. This year we’re going to stay in & The Boy can pick what he wants me to cook. Or rather, what he wants his dad to cook since The Ex always joins us & more importantly, since The Ex is a former chef. Unless he picks grilled cheese. I got that locked up.

– No friend party. In a few weeks, long after the birthday, we will invite a couple of his friends to go out for the day with us… tubing, laser tag, bowling, wherever… but with no mention of birthday parties. Just a day out with friends.

– No presents. He has agreed to open what his family has given him but that’s it. And even then, he may donate some things. I’m kind of regretting the iPod Touch.

– No cupcakes/cookies/treats for school. While he didn’t want me to call the principal & ask that his name not be read, once I explained that he was not obligated to bring any kind of treat to school for his birthday, he felt slightly better. I mean really… are they all just in it for the cake?

The Girl turns 13 today at 11:29 pm. According to her, to commemorate the exact moment when she becomes a teenager, she will burst into my bedroom shouting: “OMG! I’m a teenager! Clothes & nail polish & boys & acne & where’s my phone & take me to the mall so I can meet my friends & unicorns are sooooo preteen… it’s all about the pegasus now! YOLO!!”