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Topic : 01/03 Love Resolutions

Number of Replies: 128

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Created on : Wednesday, December 28, 2005, 12:02:44 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

It's a new year and time for resolutions! If you're looking to put the spark back into your marriage or find the relationship you've always dreamed of, this is your year to turn your love life around. Dr. Phil's first guests say they've lost that "lovin' feelin'" in their marriage because they bicker about everything -- from what to watch on TV to who should drive the car. Will they learn to become the stars in their own marriage? Then, Dr. Phil follows up with Janet and Noelle, who are determined to find a man. After reading Love Smart and brushing up on their dating skills, how will their next dates go? And Jeannie and Jo-Ann are back to get more dating advice from Dr. Phil. It's time for these guests -- and you -- to get a love fix in 2006! Share your thoughts.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

You married a child

I tivoed this program and just came here to see what others were saying about the mud tracking comments. I feel like I am constantly "nagging" my husband about these types of things. I know I am not the only one because I have aunts, friends, sisters whom discuss these same issues with me. First of all, our husbands are supposed to be grown men, not children. Why should they have to be told in the first place not to track mud on a clean floor, or any floor for that matter?? Why should they have to be told not to leave dirtly clothes lying around?? I'm called a b*tch or a nag for mentioning it, well what does it make him for having so little respect for me that he'd mess up a clean floor with mud, clothes, etc. and leave it for me to clean up? My husband spills coffee on the counter every single morning and it would gather their for weeks if I didn't clean it up. I just don't get the attitude that women are supposed to shut up and clean up after their men like small children or risk being called a "nag" or a "b*tch". It's a total turn off to me. I have the utmost respect for Robin, but if she doesn't care that Dr. P tracks mud on the floors then it's because she has a maid that goes after him and cleans it up. This is a big problem in my marriage and I just don't know what to do about it. Apparently I am just supposed to clean up after my husband with a smile on my face and say nothing? Is that what some of you do to keep the peace? Just clean it up and move on? I'm serious. I'd like to know how other women handle this situation.

My Father used to be the same as your Husband, but ever since he married my Stepmother, he now takes his shoes off in order to keep the peace with his wife. I must say, though, it's very annoying to hear my Stepmother nag about EVERYTHING - I'm not implying that you do (you're "nagging" about one thing which I personally think is very rational). However, I think you simply married a child; my teenage brother resorts to name calling. Men do not. Unless you want your marriage to end in divorce like my Mother's marriage did, I would suggest you "clean up with a smile on [your] face and say nothing," because children can't handle being wrong.

Happy marriages take work

Does he call you B**tch?

I tivoed this program and just came here to see what others were saying about the mud tracking comments. I feel like I am constantly "nagging" my husband about these types of things. I know I am not the only one because I have aunts, friends, sisters whom discuss these same issues with me. First of all, our husbands are supposed to be grown men, not children. Why should they have to be told in the first place not to track mud on a clean floor, or any floor for that matter?? Why should they have to be told not to leave dirtly clothes lying around?? I'm called a b*tch or a nag for mentioning it, well what does it make him for having so little respect for me that he'd mess up a clean floor with mud, clothes, etc. and leave it for me to clean up? My husband spills coffee on the counter every single morning and it would gather their for weeks if I didn't clean it up. I just don't get the attitude that women are supposed to shut up and clean up after their men like small children or risk being called a "nag" or a "b*tch". It's a total turn off to me. I have the utmost respect for Robin, but if she doesn't care that Dr. P tracks mud on the floors then it's because she has a maid that goes after him and cleans it up. This is a big problem in my marriage and I just don't know what to do about it. Apparently I am just supposed to clean up after my husband with a smile on my face and say nothing? Is that what some of you do to keep the peace? Just clean it up and move on? I'm serious. I'd like to know how other women handle this situation.

If my husband called me names I would have great issues with that. If your husband tracks mud in and calls you names when you discuss it with him, and I mean DISCUSS, not nag, then he's got some serious character issues.

If you wanted to play hardball you could collect the mud and dump it back in his shoes. Then you could REALLY earn your name.

01/03 Love Resolutions

I tivoed this program and just came here to see what others were saying about the mud tracking comments. I feel like I am constantly "nagging" my husband about these types of things. I know I am not the only one because I have aunts, friends, sisters whom discuss these same issues with me. First of all, our husbands are supposed to be grown men, not children. Why should they have to be told in the first place not to track mud on a clean floor, or any floor for that matter?? Why should they have to be told not to leave dirtly clothes lying around?? I'm called a b*tch or a nag for mentioning it, well what does it make him for having so little respect for me that he'd mess up a clean floor with mud, clothes, etc. and leave it for me to clean up? My husband spills coffee on the counter every single morning and it would gather their for weeks if I didn't clean it up. I just don't get the attitude that women are supposed to shut up and clean up after their men like small children or risk being called a "nag" or a "b*tch". It's a total turn off to me. I have the utmost respect for Robin, but if she doesn't care that Dr. P tracks mud on the floors then it's because she has a maid that goes after him and cleans it up. This is a big problem in my marriage and I just don't know what to do about it. Apparently I am just supposed to clean up after my husband with a smile on my face and say nothing? Is that what some of you do to keep the peace? Just clean it up and move on? I'm serious. I'd like to know how other women handle this situation.

What I have found is that yes, generally speaking, the women/mothers clean up everything after everyone.

There is usually a small division of labor. Most my girlfriends have their hubbys do the trash and the yard and cars, what I very un-politically correct call the "mans work", but that pretty much everything else gets done by the women. Now of course there are exceptions to this, such as the lovely man who responded to my post saying he did all the housework. (You go buddy! ;) But im speaking in generalities and this is what I have generally seen.

I found that after about 9-10 years of marriage(been married 18 years now)I just accepted this as the way things work and gave into it. It didnt seem to matter to me or any of my girlfriends all the fussing and moaning we did. The men still left the coffee stains on the counters, the clothes on the floor, the sinks a mess, etc etc etc... But, if they were good to us in all sorts of other ways, it sorta balanced out. So for me, I will speak of taking off the shoes when mud(or whatever)gets tracked in and I always get an apology. Which, believe it or not, is enough for me. tehe My husband is very good to me in all sorts of other ways so I have accepted that *generally speaking* its just the way it is and why fight it? Oh! I should also add that my husband never complains about the housework not being done(not that he would ever have reson to since I always do it LOL) and often times will tell me not to worry so much about it and just relax instead of mopping. If he was a jerk about the cleaning, telling me what to do in a mean way, I would def. be singing a different tune!

So to answer your question, the way I have handled it, is to just concede that it seems to be the way things are. If your hubby is good to you in every other way I would say that his actions are pretty much typical of your average fellow. Sorry for the bad news! ;)

01/03 Love Resolutions

What I have found is that yes, generally speaking, the women/mothers clean up everything after everyone.

There is usually a small division of labor. Most my girlfriends have their hubbys do the trash and the yard and cars, what I very un-politically correct call the "mans work", but that pretty much everything else gets done by the women. Now of course there are exceptions to this, such as the lovely man who responded to my post saying he did all the housework. (You go buddy! ;) But im speaking in generalities and this is what I have generally seen.

I found that after about 9-10 years of marriage(been married 18 years now)I just accepted this as the way things work and gave into it. It didnt seem to matter to me or any of my girlfriends all the fussing and moaning we did. The men still left the coffee stains on the counters, the clothes on the floor, the sinks a mess, etc etc etc... But, if they were good to us in all sorts of other ways, it sorta balanced out. So for me, I will speak of taking off the shoes when mud(or whatever)gets tracked in and I always get an apology. Which, believe it or not, is enough for me. tehe My husband is very good to me in all sorts of other ways so I have accepted that *generally speaking* its just the way it is and why fight it? Oh! I should also add that my husband never complains about the housework not being done(not that he would ever have reson to since I always do it LOL) and often times will tell me not to worry so much about it and just relax instead of mopping. If he was a jerk about the cleaning, telling me what to do in a mean way, I would def. be singing a different tune!

So to answer your question, the way I have handled it, is to just concede that it seems to be the way things are. If your hubby is good to you in every other way I would say that his actions are pretty much typical of your average fellow. Sorry for the bad news! ;)

From reading the message board I was beginning to wonder if something was wrong with me but it's great see that I'm not the only one who thinks this way. I must say I am disappointed in Dr. Phil, his advice to the couple (and I am exactly like Cheryl) in no way helped me. I mean should I just overlook the fact that my husband is a slob? I've tried that but honestly speaking that doesn't work; just because I don't bother to mention the many annoying habits he has does not mean that they no longer bother me.

I'm sorry but are my feelings not to be considered? I've only been married two years but it's already overbearing to be constantly cleaning up after my husband as though he is a child. This is putting a real stain on my marriage I would really appreciate it if someone could give me some workable advice on how to deal with this problem and not merely tell me to S.I.U (Suck it up). I applaud u women who "just accept this as the way things work and gave into it" but I'm not the accepting type especially of things that I believe that are down-right wrong. Don't get me wrong, it's not merely a power struggle battle although it feels that way most of the time, it's just that I would appreciate a little respect and consideration.

My husband is a faily decent bloke and I try to focus on this and not the other stuff but it's hard to when the the other stuff over shadows his good qualities. I would really like someone to help me out in this area, I must admit I'm desperate, it's not enough to merely vent my frustration anymore.

Why?

From reading the message board I was beginning to wonder if something was wrong with me but it's great see that I'm not the only one who thinks this way. I must say I am disappointed in Dr. Phil, his advice to the couple (and I am exactly like Cheryl) in no way helped me. I mean should I just overlook the fact that my husband is a slob? I've tried that but honestly speaking that doesn't work; just because I don't bother to mention the many annoying habits he has does not mean that they no longer bother me.

I'm sorry but are my feelings not to be considered? I've only been married two years but it's already overbearing to be constantly cleaning up after my husband as though he is a child. This is putting a real stain on my marriage I would really appreciate it if someone could give me some workable advice on how to deal with this problem and not merely tell me to S.I.U (Suck it up). I applaud u women who "just accept this as the way things work and gave into it" but I'm not the accepting type especially of things that I believe that are down-right wrong. Don't get me wrong, it's not merely a power struggle battle although it feels that way most of the time, it's just that I would appreciate a little respect and consideration.

My husband is a faily decent bloke and I try to focus on this and not the other stuff but it's hard to when the the other stuff over shadows his good qualities. I would really like someone to help me out in this area, I must admit I'm desperate, it's not enough to merely vent my frustration anymore.

I'm wondering why your husband expects you to clean up after him all the time? Have you ever asked him, not in the heat of the moment, but at a time when you are just hanging out. Ask him why? Also, I've tried to structure things the way that it's very easy for my husband to put things where I want them. The hamper is next to his closet. My husband is a draper. He likes to drape his clothes over things. I think he thinks he might wear them again or something. So I bought him a wooden vallet (sp)?. It's wonderful He can just drape his clothes on it, it's between the bed and his dresser, VERY handy, so he puts his clothes there and I never see them on the floor.

I truly think what Robin was trying to say was that she tries to create an environment that causes her husband to see home as a "soft spot to land" So she doesn't sweat the small stuff.

But even still I know that Robin has things that the guys have to abide by. I once heard on one of the shows that the guys in the house are not allowed in the kitchen without shirts on, so she does have small things that are important to her. I'm sure if Dr. Phil insisted on showing up in the kitchen bare chested he'd get an earful.

01/03 Love Resolutions

From reading the message board I was beginning to wonder if something was wrong with me but it's great see that I'm not the only one who thinks this way. I must say I am disappointed in Dr. Phil, his advice to the couple (and I am exactly like Cheryl) in no way helped me. I mean should I just overlook the fact that my husband is a slob? I've tried that but honestly speaking that doesn't work; just because I don't bother to mention the many annoying habits he has does not mean that they no longer bother me.

I'm sorry but are my feelings not to be considered? I've only been married two years but it's already overbearing to be constantly cleaning up after my husband as though he is a child. This is putting a real stain on my marriage I would really appreciate it if someone could give me some workable advice on how to deal with this problem and not merely tell me to S.I.U (Suck it up). I applaud u women who "just accept this as the way things work and gave into it" but I'm not the accepting type especially of things that I believe that are down-right wrong. Don't get me wrong, it's not merely a power struggle battle although it feels that way most of the time, it's just that I would appreciate a little respect and consideration.

My husband is a faily decent bloke and I try to focus on this and not the other stuff but it's hard to when the the other stuff over shadows his good qualities. I would really like someone to help me out in this area, I must admit I'm desperate, it's not enough to merely vent my frustration anymore.

I think for the most part, husbands are more of the slob then wives, especially for men who has wives who stay home while he goes tow ork, they don't always realize what his wife, the mother of his children do all day and how much time and effort it takes to clean and care for the kids and all the stuff in between but I don't think most of them do it on purpose, they go to work and I am sure when they get home, they just want to relax and have some down time, just as we wives like as well, they just don't think. .........I started a system in my home where every onehas to help straighten the house for 15 minutes a day, and it is always at a time when every one is well rested and available, I set the timer and off we go. hubby's responsibility is to put his clothes away and to make sure everything of his is in place and the girls are responsible to make sure that all the toys and anything of theirs gets out of the living room and into their room or the play room, I basically do whatever needs tobe done at the time, like put away dishes, a fold laundry, whatever needs to be tended to. My husbnad alos helps with the girls as needed and the girls have other things that they are responsible for but for that 15 minutes, those particualr jobs have to be done and it is doing wonders, the living room is picked up and the hubby is taking responsibility for his things.......I think communication is also very imporant and if the two really care for one another, then they will listen and respect the other and they will work together to come up with a solution.

01/03 Love Resolutions

From reading the message board I was beginning to wonder if something was wrong with me but it's great see that I'm not the only one who thinks this way. I must say I am disappointed in Dr. Phil, his advice to the couple (and I am exactly like Cheryl) in no way helped me. I mean should I just overlook the fact that my husband is a slob? I've tried that but honestly speaking that doesn't work; just because I don't bother to mention the many annoying habits he has does not mean that they no longer bother me.

I'm sorry but are my feelings not to be considered? I've only been married two years but it's already overbearing to be constantly cleaning up after my husband as though he is a child. This is putting a real stain on my marriage I would really appreciate it if someone could give me some workable advice on how to deal with this problem and not merely tell me to S.I.U (Suck it up). I applaud u women who "just accept this as the way things work and gave into it" but I'm not the accepting type especially of things that I believe that are down-right wrong. Don't get me wrong, it's not merely a power struggle battle although it feels that way most of the time, it's just that I would appreciate a little respect and consideration.

My husband is a faily decent bloke and I try to focus on this and not the other stuff but it's hard to when the the other stuff over shadows his good qualities. I would really like someone to help me out in this area, I must admit I'm desperate, it's not enough to merely vent my frustration anymore.

Awww! You sound so frustrated! :(

Just so you know, we all vent about this. Least all my girlfriends do. Usually its about once a month when we are hormonal. LOL But still... we all have our moments. Youre not alone in feeling like this!

If this is upsetting you so much then you should speak to your husband about it. If he is a good guy then he will want you to be happy. Have you sat him down and told him how frustrated you feel and how your frustration is quickly turning into anger? Do you work? I know that adds alot more into this when both spouses are working. Still seems to me, from what I have seen, that even if both spouses are working the women take up the slack.

I do completley understand your frustrations and feelings. I think most women who read your posts will understand! I wish there was some magical advice I could give you. I havent seen anything that works all that great with this, sorry to say. Only thing I can say is to continue speaking to your hubby(best to do it when youre not upset)and explaining how you are feeling disrespected, feeling that he is being inconsiderate towards you, and that makes you frustrated hurt and angry. Tell him about all the little things he does for you that make you happy while youre speaking with him. Then, when he does pick up something, praise him up and down telling him how much it meant to you that he heard you and is trying to help out. I dont mean to dog on the guys here, but I have to say they do seem alot like little kids sometimes with this kinda thing! I also have to say that im certainly not the only woman who feels that way. Every single one of my friends have gone off about this exact problem complaining how they feel like they have 2(or 3 or 4) children because their hubbies just dont get it. Maybe its just that us women take more pride in our home? The whole nesting thing and all of that? I dunno but I do know if the men(again~generally speaking)pitched in more with the housework there would be alot more happier wives out there! Forget flowers and chocolates, clean the house for us guys!

Don't Underestimate the Influence of a Dog

DON'T UNDERESTIMATE THE INFLUENCE OF A DOG! I wanted to include this in the last Love Smart discussion, but forgot. So now I remember so here goes. I don't want to take this moment to discuss my animals... but one dog I have is a little sheltie... kind of like a miniature Lassie. She is beautiful and beautifully obedient. I can walk her down the street and she will walk without a leash and a dog can be barking at her and she will look at you and ignore the dog. Anyway I CAN NOT TAKE THIS DOG OUT WITHOUT EVERYONE STOPPING TO TALK ABOUT HER. See for some of the comments in the last discussion about this not working...... I think women like little cute fluffy dogs..... and guys like these big gruff dogs..... So if you want to use this tactic... I think you need to carefully pick out what kind of dog..... and one that is in the middle of the road. I think people trust you more if you have a dog with you..... JMO