Floor Licker – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. My manners are fastidious. That’s what Lady Human says. I don’t know what fastidious means, but it sounds great! Just like me. I am fastidious.

Me: Well, you don’t lick the floor.

Stella: So not fastidious people lick the floor?

Me: No, but non-fastidious dogs do.

Stella: Oh, like you-know-who. And the other you-know-who. And the other you-know…

Me: Like every bulldog I know, except for you.

Stella: They are simply not fastidious like me.

Me: I understand licking a spot where food has fallen, but Wiggles, for example, licks random spots that have no rational relationship with food.

Stella: How do you know?

Me: I know because no food has fallen in those spots.

Stella: How do you know?

Me: I can look at the floor and see.

Stella: Pffft! It’s not what a floor looks like that counts. Humans are so silly. Smell, Lady Human. Millions of nasal receptors, Lady Human. The floor smells like…what is one of those places that sells lots of food all at once?

Me: A smorgasbord?

Stella: What? No!

Me: A buffet?

Stella: Mmmm. No.

Me: A grocery store?

Stella: That’s it! But please introduce me to those other food places I’ve never heard of when you get a chance. What other secrets are you withholding from me?

Me: I can’t begin to explain.

Stella: Well, well, so hidden smelly spots on the floor are not the only mysteries here.