South Bristol

East Rd McDonalds
Bristol has already been mentioned, but the casual visiting chav-watcher needs to be aware that these Townies certainly don’t live in the centre that they spend their days in (all luxury flats c.£1,000,0000). Oh no, while there are of course ratty pikelets in all the residential bits, it is south of the river-Bedminster, Hartcliffe, Knowle etc- where chavvery is the norm.

The estates should frankly only be visited by professionals (see the fortifications around Hartcliffe Housing Office and use your imagination). The casual spotter is advised to spend Saturday afternoon in East Road, Bedminster. Traffic free exept for buses, even the average South Bristolian can meander aimlessly around without getting run over. While it is by no means the most infested area of Britain, it contains countless classic examples of such sub-genres as Scrotus Vulgarie (the common chav), 3, 4 and even 5-Clown Bully Kellys, Pre-teen shoplifting tossers, 14 year-old ‘girls’ with offspring, drunken twats, Irreversible Croydon Facelifts, Lotto-Lils, Lidl families, and Nova Knobs. At one end is a McDonalds- no prizes for guessing what can be found hanging around it 90% of the time. At the other is…..ASDA! East Rd itself contains a classic chavvy mix of traders- two rival ‘stash converter’ types, three package specialist travel agent bucket shops, five ‘everything-a-quid’ joints, Woolworths, Peacocks, Argos (complete with Lizzie Puke counter), a shop that sells nothing but seasonal goods (i.e. fireworks, Xmas deccys, valentines cards etc), Brighthouse, Bon Marche and Half-a-dozen truly shite pubs, The only exemption is a long-standing fruit + veg mart. An oasis of human civillisation in an area otherwise beyond hope.

The piece de la chavistance is the indoor market. A timeless classic of pikery. If I even try to describe it my toungue goes all tinny, it feels like chalk is being scraped down a blackboard in my head, and my eyes sting. If Jentina could have an enourmous 9 Ct gold plated dustbin with loads of crap shops in it, this would be it.

30% of the primates in East Rd are total sub-human charvers, and another 20-30% are borderline cases. The weird thing is that the normal people seem to be oblivious to this, like they’ve just come to accept that half the human race are write-offs.

Bristol certainly isn’t the chavviest place in Britain, but it’s bad enough, and there’s an added moral horror: because the local economy is so good that there is absolutely no reason at all why someone with all their basic facilities cannot get a job, yet still tons of chavs get away with being unemployed, living in houses that are bigger than most working people can even dream of, and getting paid for it by you and me. Proof if you need it that the Authorities have silently accepted defeat in the battle against chavism.