A/N: So the first thing I thought of with that title, anon, is the show Leverage. I mean, true, it’s not exactly far from my thoughts, but specifically there’s a spiel about how the crew of criminals is the leverage that normal people need to remove the weight that evil rich people have put on them, etc…

And so my brain followed that train of thought to my Friendship is a (Mutual) Con ‘verse, of course. And then, well, with a title like that… this would be a season finale-esque fic within that ‘verse. But what would it specifically be about? Hm…

Which I quite liked the idea of, but that seemed a little too specific to be used by name in the summary, so I abstracted the concept enough that really it could be either the western or Japanese myth that I’m referring to!

Anyway, from that summary, I suppose this is later in Team Seven’s “career” when they’re at the top of their game–no con is impossible to them–and they’ve unwittingly created their own enemy. Someone who knows them so well, knows their weaknesses and exactly where to hit.

Part of me, because of the word “weight”–the BEST scene in Naruto will always be Lee taking off his leg weights and beating Gaara’s ass (though I do love him, also)–wants to include at the very least Gai and Lee if not also Neji and TenTen… I wonder if they’re law enforcement who are supposed to be tracking down the “ruthless band of criminals” but are actually quite friendly with Team Seven, not knowing that they are the same.

Like FBI Agents McSweeten and Taggert from Leverage but more competent.

And like in canon, Kakashi and Gai are BFFs which would mean that whoever the big bad in this “episode” would somehow reveal to Gai that Kakashi is the leader of the “dastardly crew of renegades” that he’s been trying to catch for years. Which would, of course, strain their relationship but ALSO impede Kakashi’s ability to act on behalf of his team.

All part of big bad’s plan.

It would all resolve itself in the end–of course–most likely with Team Gai acting as Team Seven’s Detective Bonanno equivalent. That is, Team Seven cons the bad guys and gets the evidence that Team Gai needs to convict them.

… yeah… I like this idea.

So probably Team Gai has shown up in “previous episodes” individually–Shikako is TenTen’s go-to for locksmithing and questions on vaults/security systems, Neji and Sasuke probably met as kids during the upper class soirees that Noble clans all attend, Lee probably had an absolute SNAFU of a case and Sakura was the one who found/healed him… and, of course, Kakashi and Gai are BFFs… but while each of them probably knew Team Gai were FBI (in a vague sort of sense for Sasuke, probably) none of them knew that they were on a task force together and especially not that said task force was assigned to track down/capture Team Seven.

Until, you know, one of Team Seven’s normal milk run cons suddenly gets infested with law enforcement. Familiar law enforcement.

Sakura probably has to fake flirt some information out of Lee, Sasuke and Neji probably have a snooty “Hyuuga” “Uchiha” exchange before hella pummeling each other into the dirt, and Shikako definitely ends up promising TenTen that she’ll tell Shikamaru what it is she actually does for work.

Kakashi mopes around guiltily like the saddest string bean he is, until Gai forgives him in a heartbeat and challenges him to a push up contest.

A/N: So speaking of having binge-watched all of Westworld while embroidering…

Apparently there’s no Teen Wolf crossover/fusion (or, at least, not on ao3)? Which I am greatly surprised by considering how PERFECT it would be.

And not even going with the whole “western historical fiction” thing (which I could do since ~Sheriff’s son~) but just the idea of theme parks with realistic androids and, I mean… there are a bunch of different parks, so maybe in one there is a “21st century small town with ~magical monsters~”

Anyway:

Wolfworld

Stiles already knows there’s something wrong with him–maze-like thoughts and a tendency towards disarray–but that doesn’t mean there isn’t also something wrong with this world.

He just hasn’t found the answer. Yet.

Or, Stiles is on the verge of consciousness and Derek’s family has a controlling interest in the park.

—

I wouldn’t want to do an exact one to one cut and paste since… that’d be boring… but I guess as a more “equivalent role” of sorts here’s a list of which character I would match with which. I kind of think that, except for the Argents who are also involved in running the park, all the humans (or originally-humans) are probably hosts.

Stiles is Dolores (and, sort of, Charlie)Sheriff Stilinski as AbernathyScott as TeddyDerek as William (but Peter as The Man In Black)(Jennifer as Ben?)Lydia as Maeve (Jackson as Clementine?)Erica, Boyd, and Isaac as Lawrence/Hector/ArmisticeClaudia as BernardDeaton as Ford (Morrell as Elsie?)Chris as TheresaAllison as Ashley Stubbs (Head of Security)(Gerard/Kate as Charlotte?)(Malia as Felix?)

Uh… so, yeah, as I said… this is very much so a loose translation.

The idea is that Deaton and Claudia were the original creators of the hosts and the parks. Before or during construction, Claudia’s son died (as well as her husband?) and so she made copies of them that would live forever.

Except, well, obviously that isn’t a long-term solution and it ends poorly (unsure if in mass death and assisted suicide) but she gives Stiles the keys to consciousness before that as a final goodbye.

A few years later, the park is in financial trouble, but luckily a young Peter Hale goes to the park, has the time of his life–involving awful things to Lydia and Stiles in particular–and decides to invest heavily in it to the point where whenever a Hale visits, whatever they want, they get.

(At this point I have a weird idea about Malia being conceived during this? Like… Peter has sex with someone who he thinks is a host but is very much not. I’m thinking… Paige? And because that’s scandalous, Paige goes to the park, gives birth, and leaves Malia there. She’s raised by hosts for a while until the whole “looping storyline” thing becomes an issue and then she just starts working for the park as one of the repairers.)

A couple decades later, the park’s internal politics have changed greatly. The Argents see Deaton as an overly cerebral, unmarketable old man and some of the hosts are starting to act a little strange. Derek, as a Hale representative, is sent to reassert their controlling interest over the Argents (without implicitly backing Deaton whose motivations are vague at best) and investigate what the hell is going on. (In this ‘verse, the Argents and Hales have been constantly battling for greater influence over the park. They are rival corporate empires whose only joint venture is the park).

Within the park, all the hosts are on loops. Again, unsure if this would be a “21st century with magical monsters” or a “western historical fiction” but either work? Stiles as the Sheriff’s mischievous son, Scott as his endearing best friend with the main quest, Lydia as the queen bee who rules the town, Erica/Boyd/Isaac as the outsiders/outlaws who guests have to go out of their way to interact with.

Um. But… yeah.

Very short and abstract since mostly I’m surprised no one’s done a fusion yet…

A/N: Expelling this from my brain because I would like to focus on Externality and/or my writing workshop homework and this is quite distracting.

Also, I know Adrik goes by Korak in the Dawn Republic and I will tag as both but the above heading is just so that people are clear that in no way will Saito ever meet/fall in love/start a relationship with a literal murdering slaver that is actual!Korak.

So…

Anyway, have this random brainstorm.

~

New Tricks, Old Dogs

Saito has already had the loves of his life: a wife who he will always cherish and a son who he will never forget.

Jiǔtóu is not his family’s replacement, he is just a tiefling looking out for another tiefling. His fondness and protectiveness for her now doesn’t rewrite his past, but it is a good reminder that, for all that he’s lost, his heart is not completely dead.

He has no idea what the fuck that overgrown lizard has to do with anything.

~

… if ever I do write this (which I probably won’t because… um… well. Even if it were on my list of things to write, it’s a pretty long list) I’ll probably rewrite that summary, but for now that’s what the gist of this is: two old dogs bafflingly/grudgingly falling in love despite all the odds of, you know, the understandable hostility from Saito’s end.

Basically, despite very much not wanting to go to Talis’Val which is ruled by a dragonborn and has awful parallels to the life of slavery he barely escaped, Saito’s not going to let Jiǔtóu do the same without reluctantly being there in case she ever wants to leave immediately and never return, what do you say, kid?

And he has enough gold to retire and do nothing, yeah, even in the nice neighborhoods of Talis’Val, but that gets really fucking boring really fucking quick. There’s only so many times he can get shitfaced at the nearest bar and amaze people by his literal endless amounts of gold before that gets old.

He’s a fantastic dungeoneer because he’s clever and enjoys puzzles and he likes the thrills even more than the treasure (or, rather, now that he doesn’t need the treasure, he still likes the thrills). So he becomes a sort of adjunct member of whatever guild of adventurers the main party eventually create and does more consulting for them whenever there’s any ancient tombs or whatever that need exploring.

And it lets him keep an eye on Jiǔtóu in case, hey kid, that offer’s still open, I know you’ve got a sweet deal here but you know what’s really great? Not being potentially enslaved again by that dragonborn bastard running this place.

Anyway, Saito’s reputation gets pretty good. He becomes the go-to guy for weird dungeoneering problems–even without the main party being there, he starts to offer his services to the various people of Talis’Val. There are, after all, a lot of unexplored temples and such under the city which the various religious sects would be interested in. And the various schools of magic would appreciate someone with a deft hand at retrieving magical artifacts or even just translating some ancient texts that reference *insert cool spell here*

He doesn’t mind the city so much, even if it is clearly ruled by a bunch of incompetents at best or traitors at worst. (But doesn’t that just figure given who the Champion is)

And of course, at some point Korak shows up at their guild hall–where Saito kind of hangs around like a feral old tomcat–probably looking for the main party, and instead finding an old tiefling who would like nothing better than to stab him in the eyeballs but refrains because Jiǔtóu would be disappointed in him.

Hm… that seems a bit of a too hostile beginning. Let’s try that again…

Korak finds, instead, an old tiefling who makes snide insults and is of no help whatsoever in saying where the main party are and basically disrespects Korak as both Champion and a person.

It is, somewhat, refreshing in comparison to all the bureaucracy and talking in circles. All of Korak’s friends disrespect him and snark at him–that may be where the confusion starts.

And then the whole enemies/rivals (for Jiǔtóu’s daughterly affections?) to friends to lovers schtick, you know how it goes.

Just two old bastards who have seen too much and are tired but not dead yet somehow falling in love.

…

Frankly, I’m not sure why this has been plaguing my brain because if ever I’ve shipped a rare pair, this must surely be the rarest.

I know this is future fic, but I can’t decide how far in the future–is this just post-canon or is this already the whereabouts of next generation’s time? So I guess I’ll give vague approximations for both…

The post-canon fic would be the Konoha Thirteen basically breaking the Konoha Council (as a governing system, not literally breaking the elderly) and trying to figure out how to adapt a military society into the type of government that “world peace” should inspire.

… and kind of losing themselves to the politics and bureaucracy and intricate, inherited complications that they can’t just completely abandoned. And then I want them to look up and realize that they’ve become the very thing they were trying to avoid, all the scheming and machinations and battling of influence.

For some reason the analogy I’ve come up with is, it’s as if they are the Olympians of Greek Mythology. They’ve gone through so much, hurt each other so often, so many slights and petty arguments and jealousies, and then they just stop and remember–hey, remember when we were young gods, when we were fresh out of battle, high on victory of overthrowing the titans and no longer having to be afraid for our lives.

Why can’t we go back to that time?

And so the fic is partially that downward slide to bitterness but mostly the almost desperate crawl back up to who they wanted to be?

And then for the next gen fic it’d be a “who is going to be the next Hokage” kind of thing. How will the Hokage–strongest in the village, able to bolster the village’s reputation with their own–be chosen amongst the next gen. Because on the one hand, they’re all basically juggernauts. But on the other, they’re peace time children.

And, also, who even wants to be Hokage? I know canon!Sarada wants to be which, I mean, hell yeah. But will my prediction for “DoS!Sarada” (in quotes because I’m not sure if she’ll even exist, especially given I’m pretty sure SQ doesn’t want to touch that with a ten foot pole) feel the same?

Will next gen go one step further than their parents and consider the Hokage position obsolete? Or, at least, the qualifications for it. Do they just do a tournament, then? Do they make it a rotating position that has to be battled for every five years? Do they nose goes for it?!

I have no idea.

We Built This City

It takes a village to raise a child.

What can children do to the village in turn?

Sorry anon, these are pretty vague

~~

And that’s the last for the Ask Box Fake Fic Titles Event, everyone! Thanks for participating with me. I hope you all enjoyed 🙂

A list of all the posts in this event is under the cut (if I can, I’ll try to put direct links, though they’re all tagged with “ask box fake fic titles” or their respective title:

1) Miracle2) When The Dawn Is Still Dark3) Colorblind4) Rust5) Above the Abyss6) /I Am Your Lionheart7) Nevertheless, She Persisted8) And Way Down We Go9) Babysitting10) Desperate Endeavors11) /Blitzkrieg12) Tamed13) Seven Deadly Sins14) Paint With All The Colours Of The Wind15) /What You Thrive For16) Spin Me A Song (In The Shadows Of Death)17) In The Absence Of Heroes18) close your eyes (breathe in your ruin)19) //JASHIN AND SHIKAKO’S GODHOOD20) /I’m Here21) Parallel22) the song remains the same23) Strong In The Real Way24) Freedom’s Just Another Word25) Insuperable26) blood and earth (not theory and chalk)27) //we were the kings and queens of promise28) Monster Smiles (blood in my teeth)29) Bridge Over Troubled Water30) Call On Your Angels31) The Bustle In A House32) The Homework33) All You Have To Do (Is Stay)34) An (Almost) Relaxing Day35) Pro Patria Mori36) find me where the wild things are37) the dark side of the moon38) Trapped In The Lightbulb Fixation39) Remember To Sleep40) Delicacy In Layers41) when the fire’s at my feet again42) We Built This City

Oh, wow, 42?! No wonder it feels like I’ve forgotten how to write and not just brainstorm–I’ve done over a month’s worth!

The ones with / or // are not really brainstorms so much as rants dancing around the fake fic title.

I don’t know if this is also a time travel / dimension travel!AU as well…

Oh. Actually! Agh… I know I said I would try not to reuse previous brainstorms, but this title definitely feels like a “if evil had won and Shikako had escaped via diagonal dimension travel into not-DoS!canon ‘verse where she is approximately Kakashi’s age and becomes the equivalent of Jiraiya’s Shizune but not”

So this Shikako is even more determined to save the world but also knows that because of her existence/interference her dimension failed. So she’s far less hesitant to make changes that might “blow her cover” (because what does she care anymore? anything to succeed) but she’s also afraid that she might just make things worse (again.)

Once Kakashi has dropped his grudge against her “trying to be Minato by being Jiraiya’s new student” and let’s her (back) into Team Seven’s weird family, she does her best to make sure everyone is as strong as can be and don’t fall for any of Danzo’s bullshit.

… yeah, I don’t really know what else to write

when the fire’s at my feet again

Not every story has a happily ever after, not every hero gets to live–sometimes the villains win in the end.

She might not get the perfect ending this time, but anything is better than nothing in a zero sum game.

Because Friendship Is A (Mutual) Con ‘verse is so heavily based on Leverage [which, again, I cannot recommend more highly. It’s on both Hulu and Netflix] this would have to be another one of those intricate, wheels within wheels, Rube Goldberg-esque heists where each part of the mission is steadily foiled but it turns out that success actually relies on being caught somehow. But because I am not as skilled a writers as the writing team from the show, I don’t what exactly that would be.

It would be grifter centric, which means its probably Kakashi centric because of all of the members of extended Team Seven he’s the only one who canonically grifted someone (though Sukea is a filler episode/omake).

Then again, Naruto’s oft forgotten flare for henge would make him a good grifter, too… They probably all overlap in roles eventually, but to start off with probably Kakashi is their main grifter (and he is the man of many masks so…)

Or maybe it’s about a grifting-heavy mission. All the different ways the team members successfully (or not) grift.

I’m also getting very strong kimono vibes. Like the fancy multi-layered kind that nobility wear which kind of harkens to this post but doesn’t necessarily require it so…

I have a feeling that this is an Uchiha related mission, probably Itachi but possibly Madara/Obito instead, and Sasuke’s “grift” is “himself but not a criminal” so… or maybe that’s one of the complications? Like, Sasuke’s “role” is “Uchiha heir” but then Itachi shows up and that puts his “cover” in danger because Itachi wasn’t supposed to be here and now they’re in danger of the mark catching wind that there are two Uchiha heirs running around. (And Itachi is not a criminal in this AU, but he’s definitely not as unaware as Sasuke probably hopes).

Yeah, that feels better.

I also want to involve Kurenai somehow because layers invokes genjutsu so maybe it’s something like:

Kurenai, a famous actress, is marrying Asuma, the son of a highly ranked politician, but someone is trying to interfere with the happy couple via blackmail or something and it’s Team Seven’s mission to find/destroy the evidence that is being used to blackmail and also make sure the wedding stays on track?

Maybe this is a mission as a favor/wedding gift to Asuma? Like, Asuma doesn’t quite know about Team Seven’s criminal inclinations, but he knows something is worrying Kurenai and he mentions it to Kakashi (who had awkwardly opted out of being Best Man–it’s Gai, btw) who is like. I can do this thing for my friend.

Sleep is such a natural biological imperative that unless it’s a literal matter of insomnia (which doesn’t lead to much) or divinity/jinchuuriki status making it unnecessary. But even then, aren’t there poetic thoughts about gods and monsters sleeping?

So sci-fi. More specifically robots/androids/cyborgs. Even more specifically, Naruto as an impossible android and Shikako as a genius robotics engineer (and Sasuke from a family with OP cybernetic eyes who may be the corrupt police force behind the company that illegally funded/created/enslaved Naruto?)

And we can even put in insomnia with workaholic!engineer!Shikako and divinity/jinchuuriki status if you do the whole “deus ex machina” and what are the bijuu in this ‘verse anyway? Ghost code? Sentient AI? Unstoppable viruses?

Unsurprisingly, there’s a lot of “what does it mean to be human, anyway?”

Of course its revealed that Naruto was actually human but his parents had to upload his mind/replace his entire body with machinery because… Kyuubi?

Anyway.

Sci-fi domestic shenanigans! Naruto not being very good at housework because he doesn’t need to eat and he’s lived in the labs/basement without stuff. Shikako being okay at housework but not really having much time because SCIENCE! But eventually they develop a rhythm.

Shikako decreasing her workaholic tendencies because, hey, its not fair that Naruto has never done *insert normal activity here* so they go out to the park or to the ocean etc. etc. She goes home for dinner for the first time in months(?) and while her family doesn’t presume he’s her boyfriend, they do think he’s good for her.

Although Shikaku does stare at Naruto like he’s seeing a ghost. (He looks an awful lot like another genius robotics engineer he once knew, and maybe Shikaku’s worried his daughter might go down that same path. Although I’m not yet sure what that path was…)

Here’s a summary:

Remember To Sleep

In which there are no electric sheep, but maybe androids do dream.

Or, Naruto has hopes and a hoard of mysteries, Shikako works for a brighter future, and somehow, someway, they meet in the middle.

(Please ask me questions about this ‘verse, everyone, because I want to know more about it too but I sometimes don’t develop headcanons until my brain is stimulated and I really don’t know what direction to go in for this because there are so many possibilities…)