THE HAGUE, Lichtenstein -- Former Iraqi captain Saddam Hussein refused to enter a plea on the opening day of his trial, despite remaining adamant that he was innocent of all the charges laid against him. The disgraced captain, known affectionately in his team by the nickname of "Slugger", when asked to enter a plea, said: "I do not recognise this court, or its authority. Only the Holy God of Cricket or his Prophet can judge me."

He has been charged with a Level 2.7 breach of the United Cricket Nations Code: ball tampering, one of the most heinous crimes imaginable. The world umpires at the Hague maintain that Saddam deliberately scuffed the ball to swing the balance of luck to his side.

Secretary-General of the UCN, umpire Kofi Annan was quoted as saying; "This truly is the most appalling thing to ever have happened. If he had committed genocide or mass war crimes, it would not even have compared to this outrage."