Some fun facts: The earliest recorded name for the vagina—unprintable here—is still with us today. Testicles (“ballocks,” in Renaissance parlance) received an epithet before the male member (“pin,” 1460), while the most recent addition to the penis thesaurus is “bald-headed mouse” (2012). Anyway, we have selected a few terms from each infographic to illustrate some relevant aesthetic categories in the art of describing sexual anatomy, which is a very important historical-lexical-anthropological pursuit (teehee, “periwinkle”). Behold.

Our doctor's appointments have the potential to get a lot more interesting now. So too, our insults ("Curse you, blue-venied trouser serpent! Camel manhunt!") and terms of endearment ("You fleecy purr-tongued oracle, you"). Not to mention that we can class up the genre of "sexting" by referring to it as nether eye photography, and porn as the cinema of the red-capped majesty. Just don't ever put me and "velvet-lined meat grinder" in the same sentence. That would be a dingwallace move.

Correction, August 18, 2013: This post originally misspelled Jonathon Green's first name.