http://www.jewishworldreview.com --
ONCE upon a time there was a mama bear, a papa bear and three
tee-age bears who wanted to learn to drive.

When Mama and Papa Bear taught the first cub to drive, they made
him memorize every page of the driver's manual, keep his hands at 10 and 2,
and check his rear view mirror every five seconds. They growled when he
nearly clipped a mailbox and snarled when he stopped the car 30 feet from
the stop sign. They said no radio when you're learning to drive and no
drinking soda pop. Every intersection was an accident waiting to happen and
every green light was about to turn red.

Mama and Papa Bear's neuroses made the cub very anxious. He passed
the driver's test anyway and after two years in therapy is making marvelous
progress.

When the second cub learned to drive, Mama and Papa Bear made her
memorize every page of the driver's manual, keep her hands at 10 and 2 and
check her rear view mirror every five seconds. They growled when she used
the chrome bumper to check her lip gloss and roared when she put on the
turn signal to back out of a parking space. They said no radio when you're
learning to drive and no drinking soda pop. Every approaching car was
driven by a drunk driver and every parking lot was a potential fender
bender with a $500 deductible.

Mama and Papa Bear's neuroses made the cub very anxious. She
passed the driver's test anyway and after only one year has the courage to
make left-hand turns, although she still panics when approaching a four-way
stop.

When it was time for the third and last cub to learn to drive,
Mama and Papa Bear were very, very, very tired. It took them a month to
find the state driver's manual. They tossed it to Baby Bear who said,
"Memorizing every page would be too hard. Memorizing one page would be too
easy. Memorizing the shape of traffic signs would be just right."

"Fine by me," said Mama Bear, filing her nails.

The older two cubs were mortified

"Driving with both hands at 10 and 2 is too hard," said Baby Bear.
" Driving with my pinkie is too easy. Driving with two hands in any
position I want is just right!"

"Whatever," said Papa Bear, extending his seat to a semi-reclining
position.

The older cubs were royally miffed.

"All this driving makes me thirsty," said Baby Bear. "Hot
chocolate would be too hot. A milkshake would be too cold. A Mountain Dew
would be just right."

Baby Bear had an extra-large soft drink on ice before Papa Bear
could say "drive-through on your right."

Baby Bear looped the neighborhood, merged onto the Interstate,
changed lanes, changed a flat, changed the oil, took a 6-mile detour on
unmarked county roads and parallel parked without once putting the car in
reverse. Mama and Papa Bear never even noticed.

"It's too quiet in here," said Baby Bear. "Talk radio would be too
loud. Baseball would be too quiet. FM rock-and-roll would be just right."

"Good idea," said Papa Bear. "I'll sing along."

" No fair!" bellowed the older two cubs."Why does she get off so
easy?"

Mama Bear and Papa Bear just sat there with that glazed, faraway
look -- the same one they wear when they pay the car insurance premium.

After the last cub got her driver's license, Mama and Papa Bear
slipped into the woods where they are sometimes seen riding
bicycles.