I hear a scratching sound. I turn on the light and there's this fucking beetle crawling up onto my pillow.

I flick it off to the floor but as I try to sleep I get a tickle on my head, brush and there's the fucking beetle back again!!

So (it was a balmy summer night) I threw it out the window, let the blind back down and tried to go to sleep.

Then there was a small 'tack' noise against the blind. I sat in the dark for a bit but I was convinced it must have flown in the window and into the blind. To convince myself I was not living the beetle equivalent of Jaws: The Revenge I pulled up the blind but sure enough, there it was on the window ledge.

It spent the rest of the night underneath a glass and got thrown out the next morning when I closed the window.

a rather delightful day at the beach with my ex boyfriend. It was SO LOUD and near my ear drum. He suggested sucking it out. I kicked him. We went to the doctors and it was kindly flushed out with soap and water. I regained my balance. Happy ending.