Thursday, May 7, 2009

Manny Just Couldn't Get His Dick Up

It turns out that Manny may have not been using the drugs that got him the 50 game suspension for baseball purposes, but to help him go through the delicious Latina tail that flock the greater LA area

LOS ANGELES – A source close to Manny Ramirez(notes) said Thursday that the illegal substance for which the Los Angeles Dodgers slugger tested positive was not “an agent customarily used for performance enhancing.”

At least not on the baseball diamond. The source, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said the drug was prescribed to address Ramirez’s erectile dysfunction.

However, two sources said the substance Ramirez tested positive for was a gonadotropin. Major League baseball’s list of banned substances includes the gonadotropins LH and HCG, which are most commonly used by women as fertility drugs. They also can be used to trigger testosterone production. Testosterone is depleted by steroid use, and low testosterone can cause erectile dysfunction.

“Testosterone and similar drugs are effective for erectile dysfunction in that they jazz up your sex drive,” said Charles Yesalis, a professor at Penn State who has testified before Congress on issues of performance-enhancing drugs. “But far more clinicians accept that affect with Viagra and Cialis. It’s hard for me to understand if it was erectile dysfunction why they would use it.”

I'm willing to give Manny a break on this one. I mean, the man has been in Boston for eight or so years where women are forced to wear 16 layers of clothing just to prevent frost bite on their nipples, then winds up in LA where girls are less dressed than Tommy Pickles, so we gotta assume that there may be an increase in his use of his other baseball bat (ho ho ho, early Christmas gift on that joke).

So the man is having a slump with his erection and goes to a doctor to correct this, and mind you Manny may not be the smartest human being in a room at Hellen Keller's School for the Deaf, Dumb, and Blind, let alone to put two and two together that an erection medicine given to him by a doctor not associated with the team could possibly be on the banned substance list. He had other things on this mind, like going balls deep on the cast of The Hills.

All I'm saying is, let's see all the facts before we take his future Hall of Fame Status away. By the way, what kind of friend tells the nation that your dick doesn't work? If one of my friends told reporters I had received Cialis I would beat the shit out of him. There are some things that should be kept between friends, and penis medicine is always one of them.