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Maybe ringing and explaining that I have am being pinned to the dining room table by my reports and assessment file, and therefore wont be able to get out from under them to get in to work??!!
Although, we are off on our 2nd residential of the year tomorrow, so it would take a good excuse to get out of that!!

I like the plain and simple approach of 'I forgot'!
Or I could just go with the truthful 'I can't bear the toxic atmosphere borne out of a workplace full of mistrust, anxiety and stress, nor the fact that the threat of redundancy hangs over us all'. Nah, I'll just say I forgot!

This reminded me of an episode of the mighty boosh which gets me every time:

Howard: Come on then, let's have it. Every day you're late and every day another crazy excuse. What is it this time? Lego avalanche trapped you, did it? Your pajamas turned into nitrogen and you got stuck on the ceiling of your bedroom? Giant kingfisher came into your room and pecked you under the duvet? Got your jodphurs caught on a magic hedgehog? I write them down, you know. What is it? A scarecrow took you to Paris?

Vince: I just had a few things to do, that's all.

Howard: That's not funny. That's not even going in the book. That's awful.

At my old school rumour had it that a member of staff called in to say she had had so much sex over the weekend that she couldn't walk. Sadly, wasn't me. Before anyone asks.

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I did meet a fellow teacher some few years ago who went in to work one day but looked and felt so ill the HT suggested the teacher go home and get well. Upon asking why the teacher looked and felt so ill was told it was the result of a lengthy session of Japanese bondage! The HT then said no way could the teacher go home for that reason and to sit it out!
I have to admit I came home and googled 'Japanese bondage'

I nearly got to use 'blockaded at Calais by protesting French fishermen' one Easter but the lazy sods returned to shore each night from 9pm-6am so the ferries were able to do a quick night-time flit to Dover.