Every major snack available in N.J., ranked from worst to best

Americans sure are salty. We scarf down snacks like there's no tomorrow. Nearly 15 percent of us consumed some form of snack 5+ times a day in 2017. Salty snack sales will total about $25 billion this year. Potato chips continue to be the biggest seller in the category, with about $8 billion in annual sales.

It's time for another of our epic supermarket showdowns. We've ranked frozen pizza and breakfast cereal from worst to best, and now it's time for snacks. Warning: Viewing these photos and reading the text may raise your blood pressure.

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Peter Genovese | NJ Advance Media for NJ.com

The ground rules

I sampled 150 snacks in all. Candy and nuts were not included. We also limited the number of variations on a single brand. (To wit: there are 33 kinds of Kettle Brand chips alone). For supermarkets with their own brands (Whole Foods, Wegman's, Walmart, Trader Joe's), I limited the house brand entries to six per supermarket.

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Peter Genovese | NJ Advance Media for NJ.com

142. Tropical Fields Broccoli Chips. Gosh, these were awful, like they were freeze-dried during the Ice Age. And I love broccoli.

141. Simple 7 Kale Chips. Kale in chips is a sure sign of the snacks apocalypse.

I never expected to go cuckoo over coconut chips, but Trader Joe's Roasted Coconut Chips are irresistible. More like coconut shavings than chips, and nicely sweet/salty. I don't know the difference between "young'' coconut milk and "old'' coconut milk, and I don't care.

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Peter Genovese | NJ Advance Media for NJ.com

21. Unique Original Splits

Brown, bold, biscuity, brawny - Unique Original Splits, where have you been all my life? Only one pretzel ranked higher on this list. Unique is a sixth-generation company based in Reading, Pa.

Kettle Brand, founded in 1982, uses potatoes from family farms in Oregon, Washington, Arkansas and elsewhere. They make 33 kinds of chips; I could eat a couple bags of the Sea Salt & Vinegar Chips without feeling the least bit guilty.

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19. Doritos Blaze

Doritos Blaze over any other Doritos any time. The spice smell smacks you as soon as you open the bag. I don't know about the advertised "cataclysmic crunch,'' but there's a pleasant little heat from the jalapeno pepper powder.

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18. Cheetos Puffs

Decisions, decisions - Cheetos Puffs or Cheetos Crunch? Both ended up in my top 20. It takes 5,000 cows to make a year's worth of Cheetos, and they're made in 22 countries, with 50 flavors overall, including fizzy Pepsi (Japan) and ketchup (Poland). Just give me a bag of plain old Puffs and I'll be happy.

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17. Wise White Cheddar Flavored Popcorn

Wise White Cheddar Popcorn gets the nod over Smartfood or any other cheddar popcorn; it just tastes fresher, cheesier. This is close to popcorn perfection.

Salt & vinegar chips are everywhere, but almost no one tops Route 11, based in Jackson, Va. I have no clue what the advertised "unhurried potatoes'' are, but the sharp, vinegary taste of these chips makes them leader of the pack.

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15. Utz Country Store Stix

Every major pretzel makes a Stix - or Sticks - pretzel. Utz Country Store Stix are crispier, saltier and just plain tastier than Snyder's of Hanover or other sticks.

This snack food legend was a complete accident; Morrie Yohai and Old London Foods discovered that when corn meal was processed under high pressure, it resulted in a tubular shape. Cheez Doodles landed on the market in the 50s. Today the Pennsylvania factory makes seven billion Cheez Doodles a year.

Maybe it's the cute little bag. Or the perfect handy shape. Or the weird glee in eating something labeled "goldfish.'' Whatever the reason, Goldfish - Pepperidge Farm founder Margaret Rudkin discovered the snack cracker on a trip to Switzerland in the early 60s and returned home with the recipe - is an American snack classic.

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11. Trader Joe's Giant Peruvian Inca Corn

Giant Peruvian what? Inca Corn, that's what. Trader Joe's Giant Peruvian Inca Corn are really from Peru, and instantly addictive. I couldn't find anything quite like them in the seven supermarkets I visited. Giant? They're five times bigger than the average North American kernel.

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10. Terra Mediterranean Vegetable Chips

I do eat my vegetables, but was a stranger to vegetable chips until this mission. Terra Mediterranean Vegetable Chips pack a sweet herbal/lime wallop. The company was founded 20 years ago by two New York city chefs.

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9. Charles Chips

The appearance of the Charles Chips truck was one of the highlights of my childhood. In 1942, Effie Musser started making chips at home, then brought them over to the Central Market in Lancaster, Pa. A distributor would later pick them up and re-name them Charles Chips, after Charles Street in Baltimore. They're not cheap - the 16-ounce bag cost $12.99 at Wegman's - but they're sooo good.

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Peter Genovese | NJ Advance Media for NJ.com

8. Chester's Puffcorn

Chester's Puffcorn, from Frito-Lay, falls somewhere in that sweet spot between popcorn and Cheetos. Light-tasting, although maybe not less filling. And at two bucks a bag, a bargain.

This might be out of left field for top chip. but I loved the buttery, garlicy taste of Grandma Utz's Handcooked Potato Chips. The chips are slightly thicker than most, with a fresh, feisty flavor.

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4. Pirate's Booty Aged White Cheddar Rice & Corn Puffs

Pirate's Booty has been flying largely under the snack food radar since 1987. The Aged White Cheddar Rice and Corn Puffs are light, airy and sinfully snacky. I've gone through bags of these without blinking.

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3. Cheetos Crunchy

The story of Flamin' Hot Cheetos, the brainchild of a Frito-Lay janitor, is about to become a Hollywood movie. Regular Cheetos is one of those snacks that cannot possibly be bettered or duplicated. Trying to avoid the dollar bags in the company cafeteria vending machine requires a superhuman amount of willpower.

My top five is a mix of chips, pretzels, puffed rice/corn, cheese snacks, and, in the top spot, popcorn. There are better-known brands out there, but Wise Butter Popcorn stands atop the popcorn mountain with its rich buttery flavor. If only everything "artificially flavored'' tasted this good.

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By the numbers

Number of snacks sampled: 150

Number of supermarkets visited: 7

Beverages consumed during sampling: 9 bottles of water, three cans of Pepsi, one glass of guava juice (don't ask).

Blood pressure: Remarkably steady

What are you going to do with all the leftover snacks? Take them to the office and watch a free-for-all ensue.

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What's your favorite snack?

What's your favorite snack? Who did we leave out? There are thousands of snacks out there, and we couldn't possibly taste them all. Let us know your favorite, or anyone we left out, in the comments section.