The Adventures of Roderick Random by Tobias Smollett

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not present, would certainly have cooled myself to some purpose,had I not perceived a moisture upon my thigh, as I endeavoured toget out of my hammock: the appearance of this revived my hopes,and I had reflection and resolution enough to take the advantageof this favourable symptom, by tearing the shirt from my body, andthe sheets from my bed, and wrapping myself in a thick blanket,in which inclosure, for about a quarter of an hour, felt all thepains of hell: but it was not long before I was recompensed formy suffering by a profuse sweat, that, bursting from the wholesurface of my skin, in less than two hours, relieved me from allmy complaints except that of weakness; and left me as hungry as akite. I enjoyed a very comfortable nap, after which I was regalingmyself with the agreeable reverie of future happiness, when I heardMorgan, on the outside of the curtain, ask the sergeant if I wasalive still? "Alive!" cried the other, "God forbid he should beotherwise! he has lain quiet these five hours, and I do not chooseto disturb him, for sleep will do him great service." "Ay," saidmy fellow-mate, "he sleeps so sound (look you), that he will notwaken till the great trump plows--Cot be merciful to his soul. Hehas paid his debt like an honest man--ay, and moreover, he is atrest from all persecutions, and troubles, and afflictions, of which,Cot knows, and I know, he had his own share--Ochree! Ochree! hewas a promising youth indeed!" So saying he groaned grievously,and began to whine in such a manner, as persuaded me he had a realfriendship for me. The sergeant, alarmed at his words, came intothe berth, and, while he looked upon me, I smiled, and tipped himthe wink: he immediately guessed my meaning and remaining silent,Morgan was confirmed in his opinion of my being dead; whereupon heapproached, with tears in his eyes, in order to indulge his griefwith a sight of the object: and I counterfeited death so well, byfixing my eyes and dropping my under-jaw, that he said, "There helies, no petter than a lump of clay, Cot help me!" and observed,by the distortion of my face, that I must have had a strong struggle.

I should not have been able to contain myself much longer, whenhe began to perform the last duty of a friend, in closing my eyesand my mouth, upon which I suddenly snapped at his fingers anddiscomposed him so much that he started back, turned pale as ashes,and stared like the picture of horror; although I could not helplaughing at his appearance, I was concerned for his situation, andstretched out my hand, telling him I hoped to live and eat somesalmagundy of his making in England. It was some time before hecould recollect himself so far as to feel my pulse, and inquireinto the particulars of my disease; but when he found I had enjoyeda favourable crisis, he congratulated me upon my good fortune; notfailing to ascribe it, under Cot, to the blister he had applied tomy back, at his last visit; which, by the bye, said he, must nowbe removed and dressed; he was actually going to fetch dressings,when I, feigning astonishment, said, "Bless me! sure you neverapplied a blister to me--there is nothing on my back, I assureyou." But he could not be convinced till he had examined it, andthen endeavoured to conceal his confusion, by expressing his surprisein finding the skin untouched and the plaster missing. In orderto excuse myself for paying so little regard to his prescription,I pretended to have been insensible when it was put on, and tohave pulled it off afterwards in a fit of delirium. This apologysatisfied my friend, who, on this occasion, abated a good deal ofhis stiffness in regard to punctilio; and as we were now safelyarrived at Jamaica, where I had the benefit of fresh provisionsand other refreshments, I recovered strength every day, and, in ashort time, my health and vigour were perfectly re-established.

When I got up at first, and was just able to crawl about the deckwith a staff in my hand, I met Doctor Mackshane, who passed by mewith a disdainful look, and did not vouchsafe to honour me withone word. After him came Crampley, who, strutting up to me with afierce countenance, pronounced, "Here's fine discipline on-board,when such lazy, skulking sons of bitches as you are allowed, onpretence of sickness, to lollop at your ease, while your bettersare kept to hard duty!" The sight and behaviour of this maliciousscoundrel enraged me so much that I could scarce refrain fromlaying my cudgel across his pate; but when I considered my presentfeebleness, and the enemies I had in the ship, who wanted only apretence to ruin me, I restrained my passion, and contented myselfwith telling him, I had not forgot his insolence and malice, andthat I hoped we should meet one day on shore. At this declarationhe grinned, shook his fist, and swore he longed for nothing morethan such an opportunity. Meanwhile our ship was ordered to be heaveddown, victualled, and watered, for her return to England; and ourcaptain, for some reason or other, not thinking it convenient forhim to revisit his native country at this time, exchanged with agentleman, who, on the other hand, wished for nothing so much as tobe safe without the tropic: all his care and tenderness of himselfbeing insufficient to preserve his complexion from the injuries ofthe sun and weather.

Our tyrant having left the ship, and carried his favourite Mackshanealong with him, to my inexpressible satisfaction, our new commandercame on board in a ten-oared barge, overshadowed with a vastumbrella, and appeared in everything the reverse of Oakum, being atall, thin young man, dressed in this manner: a white hat, garnishedwith a red feather, adorned his head, from whence his hair flowedupon his shoulders, in ringlets tied behind with a ribbon. His coat,consisting of pink-coloured silk, lined with white, by the eleganceof the cut retired backward, as it were, to discover a white satinwaistcoat embroidered with gold, unbuttoned at the upper part todisplay a brooch set with garnets, that glittered in the breastof his shirt, which was of the finest cambric, edged with rightMechlin: the knees of his crimson velvet breeches scarce descendedso low as to meet his silk stockings, which rose without spot orwrinkle on his meagre legs, from shoes of blue Meroquin, studded withdiamond buckles that flamed forth rivals to the sun! A steel-hiltedsword, inlaid with gold, and decked with a knot of ribbon whichfell down in a rich tassel, equipped his side; and an amber-headedcane hung dangling from his wrist. But the most remarkable partsof his furniture were, a mask on his face, and white gloves on hishands, which did not seem to be put on with an intention to bepulled off occasionally, but were fixed with a curious ring on thelittle finger of each hand.

In this garb, Captain Whiffle, for that was his name, took possessionof the ship, surrounded with a crowd of attendants, all of whom, intheir different degrees, seemed to be of their patron's disposition;and the air was so impregnated with perfumes, that one may ventureto affirm the climate of Arabia Felix was not half so sweet-scented.My fellow-mate, observing no surgeon among his train, thought hehad found an occasion too favourable for himself to be neglected;and, remembering the old proverb, "Spare to speak, and spare tospeed," resolved to solicit the new captain's interest immediately,before any other surgeon could be appointed for the ship. With thisview he repaired to the cabin in his ordinary dress, consisting ofa check shirt and trousers, a brown linen waistcoat, and a nightcapof the same (neither of them very clean,) which, for his furthermisfortune, happened to smell strong of tobacco. Entering withoutany ceremony into this sacred place, he found Captain Whifflereposing upon a couch, with a wrapper of fine chintz about hisbody, and a muslin cap bordered with lace about his head; and afterseveral low congees began in this manner: "Sir, I hope you willforgive, and excuse, and pardon, the presumption of one who hasnot the honour of being known to you, but who is, neverthelessa shentleman porn and pred, and moreover has had misfortunes, Cothelp me, in the world."

Here he was interrupted by the captain, who, on seeing him, hadstarted up with great amazement, at the novelty of the apparition;and, having recollected himself, pronounced with a look and tonesignifying disdain, curiosity and surprise, "Zauns! who art thou?""I am surgeon's first mate on board of this ship," replied Morgan:"and I most vehemently desire and beseech you, with all submission,to be pleased to condescend and vouchsafe to inquire into mycharacter, and my pehaviour, and my deserts, which, under Cot, Ihope, will entitle me to the vacancy of surgeon." As he proceededin his speech, he continued advancing towards the captain, whosenostrils were no sooner saluted with the aromatic flavour thatexhaled from him, than he cried with great emotion, "Heaven preserveme! I am suffocated! Fellow, fellow, away with thee! Curse thee,fellow! Get thee gone! I shall be stunk to death!" At the noise ofhis outcries, his servants ran into his apartment, and he accostedthem thus: "Villains! cut-throats! traitors! I am betrayed! Iam sacrificed! Will you not carry that monster away? or must I bestifled with the stench of him? oh, oh!" With these interjectionshe sank down upon his settee in a fit: his valet-de-chambre pliedhim with a smelling-bottle, one footman chafed his temples withHungary water, another sprinkled the floor with spirits of lavender,a third pushed Morgan out of the cabin; who coming to the placewhere I was, sat down with a demure countenance and, accordingto his custom, when he received any indignity which he durst notrevenge, began to sing a Welsh ditty.

I guessed he was under some agitation of spirits and desired toknow the cause; but, instead of answering me directly, he askedwith great emotion, if I thought him a monster and a stinkard? "Amonster and a stinkard!" said I, with some surprise: "did anybodycall you so?" "Cot is my judge," replied be, "Captain Fifle didcall me both; ay, and all the waters in the Tawy will not wash itout of my remembrance. I do affirm and avouch, and maintain, withmy soul, and my pody, and my plood, look you, that I have no smellsapout me, but such as a Christian ought to have, except the effluviaof tobacco, which is a cephalic, odoriferous, aromatic herb; and heis a son of a mountain goat who says otherwise. As for my being aminister, let that be as it is: I am as Cot was pleased to createme, which, peradventure, is more than I shall ever aver of himwho gave me that title; for I will proclaim it before the world,that he is disguised, and transfigured, and transmogrified, withaffectation and whimseys; and that he is more like a papoon thanof the human race."

CHAPTER XXXV

Captain Whiffle sends for me--his situation described--his surgeonarrives, prescribes for him, and puts him to bed--a bed is putup for Mr. Simper contiguous to the state room, which, with otherparts of the captains behaviour, gives the ship's company a veryunfavourable idea of their commander--I am detained in the WestIndies by the admiral, and go on board of the Lizard sloop of warin quality of surgeon's mate, where I make myself known to thesurgeon, who treats me very kindly--I go on shore, sell my ticket,purchase necessaries, and, at my return on board, am surprised atthe sight of Crampley, who is appointed lieutenant of the sloop--wesail on a cruise-take a prize in which I arrive at Port Morantunder the command of my messmate, with whom I live in great harmony

He was going on with an eulogium upon the captain, when I receiveda message to clean myself, and go up to the great cabin: and withthis command I instantly complied, sweetening myself with rosewaterfrom the medicine chest. When I entered the room, I was orderedto stand by the door, until Captain Whiffle had reconnoitered meat a distance with a spy-glass. He, having consulted one sense inthis manner, bade me advance gradually, that his nose might haveintelligence before it could be much offended: I therefore approachedwith great caution and success, and he was pleased to say, "Ay,this creature is tolerable." I found him lolling on his couch witha languishing air, his head supported by his valet-de-chambre, whofrom time to time applied a smelling-bottle to his nose. "Vergette,"said he in a squeaking tone, "dost think this wretch (meaning me)will do me no injury? May I venture to submit my arm to him?" "Ponmy word," replied the valet, "I do tink dat dere be great occasionfor your honour losing a small quantite of blodt; and the youngman ave quelque chose of de bonne mine." "Well, then," said hismaster, "I think I must venture." Then, addressing himself to me,"Hast thou ever blooded anybody but brutes? But I need not ask thee,for thou wilt tell me a most d--able lie," "Brutes, sir!" answeredI, pulling down his glove, in order to feel his pulse, "I nevermeddle with brutes." "What the devil art thou about?" cried he,"dost thou intend to twist off my hand? Gad's curse! my arm isbenumbed up to the very shoulder! Heaven have mercy upon me! mustI perish under the hands of savages? What an unfortunate dog wasI to come on board without my own surgeon, Mr. Simper." I cravedpardon for having handled him so roughly, and, with the utmostcare, and tenderness, tied up his arm with a fillet of silk. WhileI was feeling for the vein, he desired to know how much blood Iintended to take from him, and, when I answered, "not above twelveounces," started up with a look full of horror, and bade me be gone,swearing I had a design upon his life. Vergette appeased him withdifficulty, and, opening a bureau, took out a pair of scales, inone of which was placed a small cup; and putting them into my hand,told me, the captain never lost above an ounce and three drams atone time.

While I prepared for this important evacuation, there came intothe cabin a young man gaily dressed, of a very delicate complexionwith a kind of languid smile on his face: which seemed to have beenrendered habitual by a long course of affectation. The captain nosooner perceived him, than, rising hastily, he flew into his arms,crying, "O, my dear Simper, I am excessively disordered! I havebeen betrayed, frighted, murdered, by the negligence of my servants,who suffered a beast, a mule, a bear, to surprise me, and stinkme into convulsions with the fumes of tobacco." Simper, who bythis time, I found, was obliged to act for the clearness of hiscomplexion, assumed an air of softness and sympathy, and lamentedwith many tender expressions of sorrow, the sad accident that hadthrown him into that condition; then, feeling his patient's pulseon the outside of his glove, gave it as his opinion, that hisdisorder was entirely nervous, and that some drops of tincture ofcastor, and liquid laudanum, would be of more service to him thanbleeding, by bridling the inordinate sallies of his spirits, andcomposing the fermentation of his bile. I was therefore sent toprepare this prescription, which was administered in a glass of sackposset, after the captain had been put to bed, and orders sent tothe officers on the quarter-deck, to let nobody walk on that sideunder which he lay.

While the captain enjoyed his repose the doctor watched over him,and indeed became so necessary, that a cabin was made for himcontiguous to the state room where Whiffle slept, that he might beat hand in case of accidents in the night. Next day, our commanderbeing happily recovered, gave orders that none of the lieutenantsshould appear upon deck without a wig, sword, and ruffles; nor anymidshipman, or other petty officer, he seen with a check shirt ordirty linen. He also prohibited any person whatever, except Simperand his own servants, from coming into the great cabin withoutfirst sending in to obtain leave. These singular regulations did notprepossess the ship's company in his favour: but, on the contrary,gave scandal an opportunity to be very busy with his character,and accuse him of maintaining a correspondence with his surgeonnot fit to be named.

In a few weeks, our ship being under sailing orders, I was in hopeof revisiting my native country, in a very short time, when theadmiral's surgeon came on board, and, sending for Morgan and me tothe quarter-deck, gave us to understand there was a great scarcityof surgeons in the West Indies; that he was commanded to detainone mate out of every great ship that was bound for England; anddesired us to agree between ourselves, before the next day at thathour, which of us should stay behind. We were thunderstruck at thisproposal, and stared at one another some time without speaking; atlength the Welshman broke silence, and offered to remain in theWest Indies, provided the admiral would give him a surgeon's warrantimmediately; but he was told there was no want of chief surgeons,and that he must be contented with the station of mate, tillhe should be further provided for in due course. Whereupon Morganflatly refused to quit the ship for which the commissioners of thenavy had appointed him; and the other told him as plainly, thatif we could not determine the affair by ourselves before to-morrowmorning, he must cast lots, and abide by his chance.

When I recalled to my remembrance the miseries I had undergonein England, where I had not one friend to promote my interest,or favour my advancement in the navy, and the same time reflectedon the present dearth of surgeons in the West Indies, and theunhealthiness of the climate, which every day almost reduced thenumber, I could not help thinking my success would be much morecertain and expeditious by my staying where I was, than by returningto Europe. I therefore resolved to comply with a good grace, and nextday, when we were ordered to throw dice, told Morgan he needed nottrouble himself, for I would voluntarily submit to the admiral'spleasure. This frank declaration was commended by the gentleman, whoassured me, it should not fare the worse with me for my resignation.Indeed he was as good as his word, and that very afternoon procureda warrant, appointing me surgeon's mate of the Lizard sloop-of-war,which put me on a footing with every first mate in the service.

My ticket being made out, I put my chest and bedding on board acanoe that lay alongside, and, having shook hands with my trustyfriend the sergeant, and honest Jack Rattlin, who was bound forGreenwich Hospital, I took my leave of Morgan with many tears,after we had exchanged our sleeve buttons as remembrances of eachother. Having presented my new warrant to the captain of the Lizard,I inquired for the doctor, whom I no sooner saw than I recollectedhim to be one of those young fellows with whom I had been committedto the round-house, during our frolic with Jackson, as I haverelated before. He received me with a good deal of courtesy, and,when I put him in mind of our former acquaintance, expressed greatjoy at seeing me again, and recommended me to an exceeding goodmess, composed of the gunner and master's mate. As there was notone sick person in the ship, I got leave to go ashore next day withthe gunner, who recommended me to a Jew, that bought my ticket atthe rate of forty per cent discount; and, having furnished myselfwith the necessaries I wanted, returned on board in the evening,and, to my surprise, found my old antagonist Crampley walkingupon deck. Though I did not fear his enmity, I was shocked at hisappearance, and communicated my sentiments on that subject to Mr.Tomlins the surgeon, who told me that Crampley, by dint of somefriends about the admiral, had procured a commission, constitutinghim lieutenant on board the Lizard; and advised me, now he was mysuperior officer, to behave with some respect towards him, or elsehe would find a thousand opportunities of using me ill. This advicewas a bitter potion to me, whom pride and resentment had renderedutterly incapable of the least submission to, or even of areconciliation with, the wretch who had, on many occasions, treatedme so inhumanly: however, I resolved to have as little connectionas possible with him, and to ingratiate myself as much as I couldwith the rest of the officers, whose friendship might be a bulwarkto defend me from the attempts of his malice.

In less than a week we sailed on a cruise, and having weatheredthe east end of the island, had the good fortune to take a Spanishbarcolongo, with her prize, which was an English ship boundfor Bristol, that sailed from Jamaica a fortnight before, withoutconvoy. All the prisoners who were well, we put onshore on thenorth side of the island; the prizes were manned with Englishmen,and the command of the barcolongo given to my friend the master'smate, with orders to carry them into Port Morant, and there toremain until the Lizard's cruise should be ended, at which time shewould touch at the same place in her way to Port Royal. With himI was sent to attend the wounded Spaniards as well as Englishmen,who amounted to sixteen, and to take care of them on shore in ahouse that was to be hired as an hospital. This destination gaveme a great deal of pleasure, as I should, for some time, be freedfrom the arrogance of Crampley, whose inveteracy against me hadalready broken out on two or three occasions since he was becomea lieutenant. My messmate, who very much resembled my uncle, bothin figure and disposition, treated me on board of the prize with theutmost civility and confidence: and, among other favours, made mea present of a silver-hilted hanger, and a pair of pistols mountedwith the same metal, which fell to his share in plundering theenemy. We arrived safely at Morant, and, going on shore, pitchedupon an empty storehouse; which we hired for the reception ofthe wounded, who were brought to it next day, with beds and othernecessaries; and four of the ship's company appointed to attendthem and obey me.

CHAPTER XXXVI

A strange adventure--in consequence of which I am extremelyhappy--Crampley does me in offices with the Captain; but his maliceis defeated by the good-nature and friendship of the surgeon--wereturn to Port Royal--our Captain gets the command of a larger ship,and is succeeded by an old man--Brayl is provided for--we receiveorders to sail for England

When my patients were all in a fair way, my companion and commander,whose name was Brayl, carried me up the country to the house of arich planter, with whom he was acquainted, where we were sumptuouslyentertained, and in the evening set out on our return to the ship.When we had walked about a mile by moonlight, we perceived ahorseman behind us, who coming up, wished us good even, and askedwhich way we went? His voice, which was quite familiar to me,no sooner struck my ear, than in spite of all my resolution andreflection, my hair bristled up, and I was seized with a violentfit of trembling, which Brayl misinterpreting, bade me be under noconcern. I told him he was mistaken in the cause of my disorder;and, addressing myself to the person on horseback said, "I couldhave sworn by your voice, that you were a dear friend of mine, ifI had not been certain of his death." To this address, after somepause, he replied, "There are many voices as well as faces thatresemble one another; but, pray, what was your friend's name." Isatisfied him in that particular, and gave a short detail of themelancholy fate of Thompson, not without many sighs and some tears.A silence ensued, which lasted some minutes, and then the conversationturned on different subjects, till we arrived at a house on the road,where the horseman alighted, and begged with so much earnestnessthat we would go in and drink a bowl of punch with him, that wecould not resist. But, if I was alarmed at his voice, what must myamazement be, when I discovered by the light the very person of mylamented friend! Perceiving my confusion, which was extreme, heclasped me in his arms, and bedewed my face with tears. It wassome time ere I recovered the use of my reason, overpowered withthis event, and longer still before I could speak. So that allI was capable of was to return his embraces, and to mingle theoverflowings of my joy with his; whilst honest Brayl, affectedwith the scene, wept as fast as either of us, and signified hisparticipation of our happiness by hugging us both, and caperingabout the room like a madman. At length, I retrieved the use of mytongue, and cried, "Is it possible! you can be my friend Thompson?No certainly, alas! he was drowned; and I am now under the deceptionof a dream!" He was at great pains to convince me of his being theindividual person whom I regretted, and bidding me sit down andcompose myself, promised to explain his sudden disappearance fromthe Thunder, and to account for his being at present in the landof the living. This task he acquitted himself of, after I had drunka glass of punch, and recollected my spirits, by informing us, thatwith a determination to rid himself of a miserable existence, hebad gone in the night-time to the head, while the ship was on herway, from whence he slipped down as softly as he could, by thebows into the sea, where, after he was heartily ducked, he beganto repent of his precipitation; and, as he could swim very well,kept himself above water, in hopes of being taken up by some of theships astern; that, in this situation, he hailed a large vessel,and begged to be taken in, but was answered that she was a heavysailer, and therefore they did not choose to lose time by bringingto; however, they threw an old chest overboard for his convenience,and told him, that some of the ships astern would certainly savehim; that no other vessel came within sight or cry of him for thespace of three hours, during which time he had the mortificationto find himself in the middle of the ocean alone, without othersupport or resting-place, but what a few crazy boards afforded;till at last be discerned a small sloop steering towards him, uponwhich he set up his throat, and had the good fortune to be heardand rescued from the dreary waste by their boat, which was hoistedout on purpose.

"I was no sooner brought on board," continued he, "than I fainted,and, when I recovered my senses, found myself in bed, regaled witha most noisome smell of onions and cheese, which made me think atfirst that I was in my own hammock, alongside of honest Morgan, andthat all which had passed was no more than a dream. Upon inquiry,I understood that I was on board of a schooner belonging to RhodeIsland, bound for Jamaica, with a cargo of geese, pigs, onions,and cheese, and that the master's name was Robertson, by birth aNorth Briton, whom I knew at first sight to be an old sohoolfellowof mine. When I discovered myself to him, he was transported withsurprise and joy, and begged to know the occasion of my misfortune,which I did not think fit to disclose, because I knew his notionswith regard to religion were very severe and confined; thereforecontented myself with telling him I fell overboard by accident;but made no scruple of explaining the nature of my disagreeablestation, and of acquainting him with my determined purpose neverto return to the Thunder man-of-war. Although he was not of myopinion in that particular, knowing that I must lose my clothes andwhat pay was due to me, unless I went back to my duty; yet, whenI described the circumstances of the hellish life I led under thetyrannic sway of Oakum and Mackshane; and, among other grievances,hinted a dissatisfaction at the irreligious deportment of myshipmates, and the want of the true presbyterian gospel doctrine;he changed his sentiments, and conjured me with great vehemenceand zeal to lay aside all thought of rising in the navy; and, thathe might show how much he had my interest at heart, undertook toprovide for me in some shape or other, before he should leave Jamaica.This promise he performed to my heart's desire, by recommending meto a gentleman of fortune, with whom I have lived ever since inquality of surgeon and overseer to his plantations. He and his ladyare now at Kingston, so that I am, for the present, master of thishouse, to which, from my soul, I bid you welcome, and hope you willfavour me with your company during the remaining part of the night."

I needed not a second invitation; but Mr. Brayl, who was a diligentand excellent officer, could not be persuaded to sleep out ofthe ship; however, he supped with us, and, after having drank a,cheerful glass, set out for the vessel, which was not above threemiles from the place, escorted by a couple of stout negroes, whom.Mr. Thompson ordered to conduct him. Never were two friends morehappy in the conversation of each other than we, for the timeit lasted. I related to him the particulars of our attempt uponCarthagena, of which he bad heard but an imperfect account; and hegratified me with a narration of every little incident of his lifesince we parted. He assured me, it was with the utmost difficultyhe could resist his inclination of coming down to Port Royal, tosee Morgan and me, of whom he had heard no tidings since the dayof our separation: but that he was restrained by the fear of beingdetained as a deserter. He told me that, when he heard my voicein the dark, he was almost as much surprised as I was at seeinghim afterwards: and, in the confidence of friendship, disclosed apassion he entertained for the only daughter of the gentleman withwhom he lived, who, by his description, was a very amiable younglady, and did not disdain his addresses; that he was very muchfavoured by her parents; and did not despair of obtaining theirconsent to the match, which would at once render him independentof the world. I congratulated him on his good fortune, which heprotested should never make him forget his friends; and, towardsmorning, we betook ourselves to rest.

Next day he accompanied me to the ship, where Mr. Brayl entertainedhim at dinner, and we having spent the afternoon together, he tookhis leave of us in the evening, after he had forced upon me tenpistoles, as a small token of his affection. In short, while hestayed here, we saw one another every day, and generally ate at thesame table, which was plentifully supplied by him with all kindsof poultry, butcher's meat, oranges, limes, lemons, pine-apples,Madeira wine, and excellent rum; so that this small interval often days was by far the most agreeable period of my life.

At length the Lizard arrived; and my patients being all fit forduty, they and I were ordered on board of her, where I understoodfrom Mr. Tomlins that there was a shyness between the lieutenantand him on my account; the rancorous villain having taken theopportunity of my absence to fill the captain's ears with a thousandscandalous stories to my prejudice; among other things affirming,that I had been once transported for theft, and that when I wasin the Thunder man-of-war, I had been whipped for the same crime.The surgeon, on the other hand, having heard my whole story frommy own mouth, defended me strenuously, and in the course of thatgood-natured office recounted all the instances of Crampley'smalice against me while I remained on board of that ship. Whichdeclaration, while it satisfied the captain of my innocence, madethe lieutenant as much my defender's enemy as mine. The infernalbehaviour of Crampley, with regard to me, added such fuel to hisformer resentment, that, at certain times, I was quite beside myselfwith the desire of revenge, and was even tempted to pistol him onthe quarter-deck, though an infamous death must inevitably have beenmy reward. But the surgeon, who was my confidant, argued againstsuch a desperate action so effectually, that I stifled the flamewhich consumed me for the present, and resolved to wait for a moreconvenient opportunity. In the meantime, that Mr. Tomlins mightbe the more convinced of the wrongs I suffered by this fellow'sslander, I begged he would go and visit Mr. Thompson, whose wonderfulescape I had made him acquainted with, and inquire of him into theparticulars of my conduct, while he was my fellow-mate.

This request the surgeon complied with, more through curiosity tosee a person whose fate had been so extraordinary, than to confirmhis good opinion of me, which he assured me was already firmlyestablished. He therefore set out for the dwelling-place of myfriend, with a letter of introduction from me; and being receivedwith all the civility and kindness I expected, returned to the ship,not only satisfied with my character beyond the power of doubt orinsinuation, but also charmed with the affability and conversationof Thompson, who loaded him and me with presents of fresh stock,liquors, and fruit. As he would not venture to come and see uson board, lest Cramplay should know and detain him; when the timeof our departure approached, I obtained leave to go and bid himfarewell. After we had vowed an everlasting friendship, he pressedupon me a purse, with four doubloons, which I refused as longas I could without giving umbrage; and, having cordially embracedeach other, I returned on board, where I found a small box, witha letter directed for me, to the care of Mr. Tomlins. Knowing thesuperscription to be of Thompson's handwriting, I opened it withsome surprise, and learned that this generous friend, not contentwith loading me with the presents already mentioned, had sent, formy use and acceptance, half a dozen fine shirts, and as many linenwaistcoats and caps, with twelve pair of new thread stockings.Being thus provided with money and all necessaries for the comfortof life, I began to look upon myself as a gentleman of someconsequence, and felt my pride dilate a pace.

Next day we sailed for Port Royal, where we arrived safely with ourprizes; and, as there was nothing to do on board, I went ashore,and having purchased a laced waistcoat, with some other clothes, ata sale, made a swaggering figure for some days among the taverns,where I ventured to play a little at hazard, and came off withfifty pistoles in my pocket. Meanwhile our captain was promotedto a ship of twenty guns, and the command of the Lizard given toa man turned of fourscore, who had been lieutenant since the reignof King William, and, notwithstanding his long service, would haveprobably died in that station, had he not applied some prize-moneyhe had lately received, to make interest with his superiors. Myfriend Brayl was also made an officer about the same time, after hehad served in quality of a midshipman and mate for five and twentyyears. Soon after these alterations, the admiral pitched upon ourship to carry home dispatches for the ministry; and we set sail forEngland, having first scrubbed her bottom, and taken in provisionand water for the occasion.

CHAPTER XXXVII

We depart for Europe--a misunderstanding arises between the Captainand the Surgeon, through the scandalous aspersions of Crampley--theCaptain dies--Crampley tyrannises over the surgeon, who falls aVictim for his Cruelty--I am also ill-used--the Ship strikes--thebehaviour of Crampley and the Seamen on that occasion---I get onshore, challenge the Captain to single combat--am treacherouslyknocked down, wounded, and robbed

Now that I could return to my native country in a creditable way,I felt excessive pleasure in finding myself out of sight of thatfatal island, which has been the grave of so many Europeans: and,as I was accommodated with everything to make the passage agreeable,I resolved to enjoy myself as much as the insolence of Crampley wouldpermit. This insidious slanderer had found means already to causea misunderstanding between the surgeon and captain, who, by his ageand infirmities, was rendered intolerably peevish, his dispositionhaving also been soured by a long course of disappointments. Hehad a particular aversion to all young men, especially to surgeons,whom he considered unnecessary animals on board of a ship; and,in consequence of these sentiments, never consulted the doctor,notwithstanding his being seized with a violent fit of the goutand gravel, but applied to a cask of Holland gin, which was hissovereign prescription against all distempers: whether he was atthis time too sparing, or took an overdose of his cordial, certainit is, he departed in the night, without any ceremony, which indeedwas a thing he always despised, and was found stiff next morning,to the no small satisfaction of Crampley, who succeeded to thecommand of the vessel. For that very reason, Mr. Tomlins and I hadno cause to rejoice at this event, fearing that the tyranny of ournew commander would now be as unlimited as his power. The first dayof his command justified our apprehensions: for, on pretence thatthe decks were too much crowded, he ordered the surgeon's hencoops,with all his fowls, to be thrown overboard; and at the same timeprohibited him and me from walking on the quarter-deck.

Mr. Tomlins could not help complaining of these injuries, and inthe course of his expostulation dropped some hasty words, of whichCrampley taking hold, confined him to his cabin, where, in a fewdays, for want of air he was attacked by a fever, which soon put anend to his life, after he had made his will, by which he bequeathedall his estate, personal and real, to his sister, and left to mehis watch and instruments as memorials of his friendship. I waspenetrated with grief on this melancholy occasion; the more becausethere was nobody on board to whom I could communicate my sorrows,or of whom I could receive the least consolation or advice. Crampleywas so far from discovering the least remorse for his barbarity,at the news of the surgeon's death, that he insulted his memory inthe most abusive manner, and affirmed he had poisoned himself outof pure fear, dreading to be brought to a court-martial for mutiny;for which reason he would not suffer the service of the dead to beread over his body before it was thrown overboard.

Nothing but a speedy deliverance could have supported me under thebrutal sway of this bashaw, who, to render my life more irksome,signified to my messmates a desire that I should be expelled fromtheir society. This was no sooner hinted, than they granted hisrequest; and I was fain to eat in a solitary manner by myself duringthe rest of the passage, which, however, soon drew to a period.

We had been seven weeks at sea, when the gunner told the captainthat, by his reckoning, we must be in soundings, and desired hewould order the lead to be heaved. Crampley swore he did not knowhow to keep the ship's way, for we were not within a hundred leaguesof soundings, and therefore he would not give himself the troubleto cast the lead. Accordingly we continued our course all thatafternoon and night, without shortening sail, although the gunnerpretended to discover Scilly light; and next morning protestedin form against the captain's conduct, for which he was put inconfinement, We discovered no land all that day, and Crampley wasstill so infatuated as to neglect sounding; but at three o'clockin the morning the ship struck, and remained fast on a sand-bank.This accident alarmed the whole crew; the boat was immediatelyhoisted out, but as we could not discern which way the shore lay,we were obliged to wait for daylight. In the meantime, the windincreased, and the waves beat against the sloop with such violence,that we expected she would have gone to pieces. The gunner wasreleased and consulted: he advised the captain to cut away themast, in order to lighten her; this expedient was performed withoutsuccess: the sailors, seeing things in a desperate situation,according to custom, broke up the chests belonging to the officers,dressed themselves in their clothes, drank their liquors withoutceremony, and drunkenness, tumult, and confusion ensued.

In the midst of this uproar, I went below to secure my own effects,and found the carpenter's mate hewing down the purser's cabin withhis hatchet, whistling all the while with great composure. When Iasked his intention in so doing, he replied, very calmly, "I onlywant to taste the purser's rum, that's all, master." At that instantthe purser coming down, and seeing his effects going to wreck,complained bitterly of the injustice done to him, and asked thefellow what occasion he had for liquor when, in all likelihood, hewould be in eternity in a few minutes. "All's one for that," saidplunderer, "let us live while we can." "Miserable wretch that thouart!" cried the purser, "what must be thy lot in another world, ifthou diest in the commission of robbery?" "Why, hell, I suppose,"replied the other, with great deliberation, while the purser fellon his knees, and begged of Heaven that we might not all perishfor the sake of Jonas.

During this dialogue I clothed myself in my bed apparel, girded onmy hanger, stuck my pistols, loaded, in my belt, disposed of allmy valuable moveables about my person, and came upon deck with aresolution of taking the first opportunity to get on shore, which,when the day broke, appeared at the distance of three miles ahead.Crampley, finding his efforts to get the ship off ineffectual,determined to consult his own safety, by going into the boat, whichhe had no sooner done, than the ship's company followed so fast,that she would have sunk alongside, had not some one wiser than therest cut the rope and put off. But before this happened, I had madeseveral attempts to get in, and was always balked by the captain,who was so eager in excluding me, that he did not mind the endeavoursof any other body. Enraged at this inhuman partiality, and seeingthe rope cut, I pulled one of my pistols from my belt, and cockingit, swore I would shoot any man who would presume to obstruct myentrance. So saying, I leaped with my full exertion, and got onboard of the boat with the loss of the skin of my shins. I chancedin my descent to overturn Crampley, who no sooner got up than hestruck at me several times with a cutlass, and ordered the men tothrow me overboard; but they were too anxious about their own safetyto mind what he said. Though the boat was very deeply loaded, andthe sea terribly high, we made shift to get upon dry land in lessthan an hour after we parted from the sloop. As soon as I set myfoot on terra firma, my indignation, which bad boiled so long withinme, broke out against Crampley, whom I immediately challenged tosingle combat, presenting my pistols, that he might take his choice:he took one without hesitation, and, before I could cock the other,fired in my face, throwing the pistol after the shot. I felt myselfstunned, and imagining the bullet had entered my brain, dischargedmine as quick as possible, that I might not die unrevenged: thenflying upon my antagonist, knocked out several of his fore-teethwith the butt-end of the piece, and would certainly have made anend of him with that instrument, had he not disengaged himself,and seized his cutlass, which he had given to his servant when hereceived the pistol. Seeing him armed in this manner, I drew myhanger, and, having flung my pistol at his head, closed with himin a transport of fury, and thrust my weapon into his mouth, whichit enlarged on one side to his ear. Whether the smart of this wounddisconcerted him, or the unevenness of the ground made him reel, Iknow not, but he staggered some paces back: I followed close, andwith one stroke cut the tendons of the back of his hand, Upon whichhis cutlass dropped, and he remained defenceless. I know not withwhat cruelty my rage might have inspired me, if I had not at thatinstant been felled to the ground by a blow on the back part ofmy head, which deprived me of all sensation. In this deplorablesituation, exposed to the rage of an incensed barbarian, and therapine of an inhuman crew, I remained for some time; and whetherany disputes arose among them during the state of my annihilation,I cannot pretend to determine; but in one particular they seemed tohave been unanimous, and acted with equal dexterity and dispatch;for when I recovered the use of my understanding, I found myselfalone in a desolate place, stripped of my clothes, money, watch,buckles, and everything but my shoes, stockings, breeches andshirt. What a discovery must this have been to me, who, but anhour before, was worth sixty guineas in cash! I cursed the hourof my birth, the parents that gave me being, the sea that did notswallow me up, the poniard of the enemy, which could not find theway to my heart, the villainy of those who had left me in thatmiserable condition; and in the ecstacy of despair resolved to bestill where I was, and perish.

CHAPTER XXXVIII

I get up and crawl into a barn, where I am in danger of perishing,through the fear of the country people--their inhumanity--I amsuccoured by a reputed witch--her story--her advice--she recommendsme as a valet to a single lady, whose character she explains

But as I lay ruminating, my passion insensibly abated; I consideredmy situation in quite another light, from that in which it appearedto me at first, and the result of my deliberation was to rise if Icould, and crawl to the next inhabited place for assistance. Withsome difficulty I got upon my legs, and having examined my body,found I had received no other injury than two large contused wounds,one on the fore and another on the hinder part of my head, whichseemed to be occasioned by the same weapon, namely, the butt-endof a pistol. I looked towards the sea, but could discern no remainsof the ship; so that I concluded she was gone to pieces, and thatthose who remained in her had perished: but, as I afterwards learned,the gunner, who had more sagacity than Crampley, observing that itwas flood when he left her, and that she would probably float athigh water, made no noise about getting on shore, but continued ondeck, in hopes of bringing her safe into some harbour, after hercommander should have deserted her, for which piece of servicehe expected, no doubt, to be handsomely rewarded. This scheme heaccordingly executed, and was promised great things by the Admiraltyfor saving his Majesty's ship: but I never heard he reaped thefruits of his expectation. As for my own part, I directed my coursetowards a small cottage I perceived, and in the road picked up aseaman's old jacket, which I suppose the thief who dressed himselfin my clothes had thrown away: this was a very comfortable acquisitionto me, who was almost stiff with cold: I therefore put it on; and,as my natural heat revived, my wounds, which had left off bleeding,burst out afresh; so that, finding myself excessively exhausted,I was about to lie down in the fields, when I discovered a barn onmy left hand, within a few yards of me; thither I made shift tostagger, and finding the door open, went in, but saw nobody; however,I threw myself upon a truss of straw, hoping to be soon relievedby some person or other. I had not lain here many minutes, when Isaw a countryman come in with a pitchfork in his hand, which he wasupon the point of thrusting into the straw that concealed me, andin all probability would have done my business, had I not uttereda dreadful groan, after having essayed in vain to speak. Thismelancholy note alarmed the clown, who started back, and discoveringa body all besmeared with blood, stood trembling, with the pitchforkextended before him, his hair bristling up, his eyes staring, hisnostrils dilated, and his mouth wide open. At another time I shouldhave been much diverted by this figure, which preserved the sameattitude very near ten minutes, during which time I made manyunsuccessful efforts to implore his compassion and assistance; but mytongue failed me, and my language was only a repetition of groans.At length an old man arrived, who, seeing the other in such aposture, cried, "Mercy upon en! the leaad's bewitched! why, Dick,beest thou besayd thyself!" Dick, without moving his eyes from theobject that terrified him, replied, "O vather! vatber! here beeither the devil or a dead mon: I doant know which o'en, but a groanswoundily." The father, whose eyesight was none of the best, pulledout his spectacles, and, having applied them to his nose reconnoiteredme over his son's shoulder: but no sooner did he behold me, thanhe was seized with a fit of shaking, even more violent than Dick's,and, with a broken accent, addressed me thus: "In the name of theVather, Zun, and Holy Ghost, I charge you, an you been Satan, tobe gone to the Red Zen; but an you be a moordered mon, speak, thatyou may have a Christom burial."

As I was not in a condition to satisfy him in this particular, herepeated his conjuration to no purpose, and they continued a goodwhile in the agonies of fear. At length the father proposed thatthe son should draw nearer, and take a more distinct view of theapparition; but Dick was of opinion that his father should advancefirst, he being an old man past his labour and, if he received anymischief, the loss would be the smaller; whereas he himself mightescape, and be useful, in his generation. This prudential reasonhad no effect upon the senior, who still kept Dick between me andhim. In the meantime I endeavoured to raise one hand as a signalof distress, but had only strength sufficient to produce a rustlingamong the straw, which discomposed the young peasant so much, thathe sprang out at the door, and overthrew his father in his flight.The old gentleman would not spend time in getting up, but crawledbackwards like a crab, with great speed, till he had got overthe threshold, mumbling exorcisms all the way. I was exceedinglymortified to find myself in danger of perishing through the ignoranceand cowardice of these clowns; and felt my spirits decay apace,when an old woman entered the barn, followed by the two fugitivesand with great intrepidity advanced to the place where I lay,saying, "If it be the devil I fearen not, and for a dead mon a cando us no harm." When she saw my condition, she cried, "Here be nodevil, but in your en fool's head. Here be a poor miserable wretchbleeding to death, and if a dies, we must be at the charge of buryinghim; therefore, Dick, go vetch the old wheelbarrow and put en in,and carry en to goodman Hodge's backdoor; he is more able than weto pay out money upon poor vagrants." Her advice was taken, andimmediately put in execution; I was rolled to the other farmer's door,where I was tumbled out like a heap of dung; and should certainlyhave fallen a prey to the hogs, if my groans had not disturbedthe family, and brought some of them out to view my situation. ButHodge resembled the Jew more than the good Samaritan, and orderedme to be carried to the house of the parson, whose business it wasto practise as well as to preach charity; observing that it wassufficient for him to pay his quota towards the maintenance ofthe poor belonging to his own parish. When I was set down at thevicar's gate, he fell into a mighty passion, and threatened toexcommunicate him who sent, as well as those who brought me, unlessthey would move me immediately to another place. About this timeI fainted with the fatigue I had undergone, and afterwards understoodthat I was bandied from door to door through a whole village, nobodyhaving humanity enough to administer the least relief to me, Untilan old woman, who was suspected of witchcraft by the neighbourhood,hearing of my distress, received me into her house, and, havingdressed my wounds, brought me to myself with cordials of her ownpreparing. I was treated with great care and tenderness by thisgrave matron, who, after I had recovered some strength, desired toknow the particulars of my last disaster. This piece of satisfactionI could not refuse to one who had saved my life, therefore relatedall my adventures without exaggeration or reserve. She seemedsurprised at the vicissitudes I had undergone, and drew a happypresage of my future life from my past suffering, then launched outinto the praise of adversity, with so much ardour and good sense,that I concluded she was a person who had seen better days, andconceived a longing desire to hear her story. She perceived my driftby some words I dropped, and smiling told me, there was nothingeither entertaining or extraordinary in the course of her fortune;but, however, she would communicate it to me, in consideration ofthe confidence I had reposed in her. "It is of little consequence,"said she, "to tell the names of my parents, who are dead manyyears ago; let it suffice to assure you, they were wealthy, andhad no other child than me; so that I was looked upon as heiress toa considerable estate, and teased with addresses on that account.Among the number of my admirers, there was a young gentleman of nofortune, whose sole dependence was on his promotion in the army, inwhich, at that time, he bore a lieutenant's commission. I conceivedan affection for this amiable officer, which, in a short time,increased to a violent passion. and without entering into minutecircumstances, married him privately. We had not enjoyed one anotherlong in stolen interviews, when he was ordered with his regimentto Flanders; but, before he set out, it was agreed between us, thatwe should declare our marriage to my father by letter, and implorehis pardon for the step we had taken without his approbation. Thisdiscovery was made while I was abroad visiting, and just as I wasabout to return home, I received a letter from my father, importingthat, since I had acted so undutifully and meanly as to marrya beggar, without his privity or consent, to the disgrace of hisfamily as well as the disappointment of his hopes, he renounced meto the miserable fate I had entailed upon myself, and charged menever to set foot within his doors again. This rigid sentence wasconfirmed by my mother, who, in a postscript, gave me to understandthat her sentiments were exactly conformable to those of my father,and that I might save myself the trouble of making any applications,for her resolutions were unalterable. Thunderstruck with my evilfortune I called a coach, and drove to my husband's lodgings, whereI found him waiting the event of his letter. Though he could easilydivine by my looks the issue of his declaration, he read with greatsteadiness the epistle I had received; and with a smile full oftenderness, which I shall never forget, embraced me, saying, "Ibelieve the good lady your mother might have spared herself thetrouble of the last part of her postscript. Well, my dear Betty,you must lay aside all thoughts of a coach, till I can procure thecommand of a regiment." This unconcerned behaviour, while it enabledme to support my reverse of fortune, at the same time endearedhim to me the more, by convincing me of his disinterested views inespousing me. I was next day boarded in company with the wife ofanother officer, who had long been the friend and confidant of myhusband, at a village not far from London, where they parted withus in the most melting manner, went to Flanders, and were killedin sight of one another at the battle of the Wood.

"Why should I tire you with a description of our unutterablesorrow at the fatal news of this event, the remembrance of whichnow fills my aged eyes with tears! When our grief subsided a little,and reflection came to our aid, we found ourselves deserted by thewhole world, and in danger of perishing by want; whereupon we madeapplication for the pension, and were put upon the list. Then,vowing eternal friendship, sold our jewels and superfluous clothes,retired to this place (which is in the county of Sussex) boughtthis little house, where we lived many years in a solitary manner,indulging our mutual sorrow, till it pleased Heaven to call awaymy companion two years ago; since which time I have lingered outan unhappy being, in hopes of a speedy dissolution, when I promisemyself the eternal reward of all my cares. In the meantime," continuedshe, "I must inform you of the character I bear among my neighbours.My conversation being different from that of the inhabitants ofthe village, my recluse way of life, my skill in curing distempers,which I acquired from books since I settled here, and lastly,my age having made the common people look upon me as somethingpreternatural, and I am actually, at this hour, believed to bea witch. The parson of the parish, whose acquaintance I have notbeen at much pains to cultivate, taking umbrage at my supposeddisrespect, has contributed not a little towards the confirmationof this opinion, by dropping certain hints to my prejudice amongthe vulgar, who are also very much scandalised at my entertainingthis poor tabby cat with the collar about her neck, which was afavourite of my deceased companion."

The whole behaviour of this venerable person was so primitive,innocent, sensible, and humane, that I contracted a filial respectfor her, and begged her advice with regard to my future conduct,as soon as I was in a condition to act for myself. She dissuadedme from a design I had formed of travelling to Louder, in hopes ofretrieving my clothes and pay, by returning to my ship, which bythis time I read in the newspaper was safely arrived in the RiverThames: "because," said she, "you run the hazard of being treatednot only as a deserter in quitting the sloop, but also as a mutineer,in assaulting your commanding officer, to the malice of whose revengeyou will moreover be exposed." She then promised to recommend me,as servant to a single lady of her acquaintance, who lived in theneighbourhood with her nephew, who was a young foxhunter of greatfortune, where I might be very happy, provided I could bear withthe disposition and manners of my mistress, which were somewhatwhimsical and particular. But, above all things, she counselledme to conceal my story, the knowledge of which would effectuallypoison my entertainment; for it was a maxim, among most people ofcondition, that no gentleman ought to be admitted into a familyas a domestic, lest he become lazy, and insolent. I was fain toembrace this humble proposal, because my affairs were desperate;and in a few days was hired by this lady, to serve in quality ofher footman, having been represented by my hostess as a young manwho was bred up to the sea by his relations against his will, andhad suffered shipwreck, which had increased his disgust to thatway of life so much, that he rather chose to go to service onshore, than enter himself on board of any other ship. Before I tookpossession of my new place, she gave me a sketch of my mistress'scharacter, that I might know better how to regulate my conduct.

"Your lady," said she, "is a maiden of forty years, not so remarkablefor her beauty as her learning and taste, which is famous all overthe country. Indeed, she is a perfect female virtuoso, and so eagerafter the pursuit of knowledge that she neglects her person evento a degree of sluttishness; this negligence, together with hercontempt of the male part of the creation, gives her nephew no greatconcern, as by these means he will probably keep her fortune, whichis considerable. in the family. He therefore permits her to livein her own way, which is something extraordinary, and gratifies herin all her whimsical desires. Her apartment is at some distance fromthe other inhabited parts of the house; and consists of a dining-room,bedchamber, and study; she keeps a cook maid, a waiting-woman, andfootman, of her own, and seldom eats or converses with any of thefamily but her niece, who is a very lovely creature, and humoursher aunt often to the prejudice of her own health by sitting upwith her whole nights together; for your mistress is too much ofa philosopher to be swayed by the custom of the world, and neversleeps nor eats like other people. Among other odd notions, sheprofesses the principles of Rosicrucius, and believes the earth,air, and sea, are inhabited by invisible beings, with whom itis possible for the human species to entertain correspondence andintimacy, on the easy condition of living chaste. As she hopes oneday to be admitted into an acquaintance of this kind, she no soonerheard of me and my cat, than she paid me a visit, with a view,as she has since owned, to be introduced to my familiar; and wasgreatly mortified to find herself disappointed in her expectation.Being by this visionary turn of mind abstracted as it were fromthe world, she cannot advert to the common occurrences of life;and therefore is frequently so absent as to commit very strangemistakes and extravagancies, which you will do well to rectify andrepair, as your prudence shall suggest."

CHAPTER XXXIX

My Reception by that Lady--I become enamoured of Narcissa--recountthe particulars of my last misfortune-acquire the good opinion ofmy Mistress--an Account of the young Squire--I am made acquainted withmore particulars of Narcissa's Situation--conceive a mortal hatredagainst Sir Timothy--examine my Lady's library and performances--herextravagant behaviour

Fraught with these useful instructions, I repaired to the placeof her habitation, and was introduced by the waiting-woman to thepresence of my lady, who had not before seen me. She sat in herstudy, with one foot on the ground, and the other upon a high stoolat some distance from her seat; her sandy locks hung down, in adisorder I cannot call beautiful, from her head, which was deprivedof its coif, for the benefit of scratching with one hand, whileshe held the stump of a pen in the other. Her forehead was high andwrinkled; her eyes were large, gray, and prominent; her nose waslong, and aquiline: her mouth of vast capacity, her visage meagreand freckled, and her chin peaked like a shoemaker's paring knife;her upper lip contained a large quantity of plain Spanish, which,by continual falling, had embroidered her neck, that was notnaturally very white, and the breast of her gown, that flowed looseabout her with a negligence that was truly poetic, discovering linenthat was very fine, and, to all appearance, never washed but inCastalian streams. Around her lay heaps of books, globes, quadrants,telescopes, and other learned apparatus; her snuff-box stood ather right hand: at her left hand lay her handkerchief, sufficientlyused, and a convenience to spit in appeared on one side of herchair. She being in a reverie when we entered, the maid did not thinkproper to disturb her; so that we waited some minutes unobserved,during which time she bit the quill several times, alteredher position, made many wry faces, and, at length, with an air oftriumph, repeated aloud:

"Nor dare th'immortal gods my rage oppose!"

Having committed her success to paper, she turned towards thedoor, and perceiving us, cried, "What's the matter?" "Here's theyoung man," replied my conductress, "whom Mrs. Sagely recommendedas a footman to your ladyship." On this information she stared inmy face for a considerable time, and then asked my name, which Ithought proper to conceal under that of John Brown. After havingsurveyed me with a curious eye, she broke out into, "O! ay, thouwast shipwrecked, I remember. Whether didst thou come on shore onthe back of a whale or a dolphin?" To this I answered, I had swamashore without any assistance. Then she demanded to know if I hadever been at the Hellespont, and swam from Sestos to Abydos. Ireplied in the negative; upon which she bade the maid order a suitof new livery for me, and instruct me in the articles of my duty:so she spit in her snuff-box, and wiped her nose with her cap,which lay on the table, instead of a handkerchief.

We returned to the kitchen, where I was regaled by the maids, whoseemed to vie with each other in expressing their regard for me;and from them I understood, that my business consisted in cleaningknives and forks, laying the cloth, waiting at table, carryingmessages, and attending my lady when she went abroad. There wasa very good suit of livery in the house, which had belonged to mypredecessor deceased, and it fitted me exactly; so that there wasno occasion for employing a tailor on my account. I had not beenlong equipped in this manner, when my lady's bell rung; upon which, Iran up stairs, and found her stalking about the room in her shiftand under petticoat only; I would immediately have retired as becameme, but she bade me come in, and air a clean shift for her; whichoperation I having performed with some backwardness, she put it onbefore me without any ceremony, and I verily believe was ignorantof my sex all that time, as being quite absorbed in contemplation.About four o'clock in the afternoon I was ordered to lay the cloth,and place two covers, which I understood were for my mistressand her niece, whom I had not as yet seen. Though I was not verydexterous at this work, I performed it pretty well for a beginner,and, when dinner was upon the table, saw my mistress approach,accompanied by the young lady, whose name for the present shallbe Narcissa. So much sweetness appeared in the countenance andcarriage of this amiable apparition, that my heart was captivatedat first sight, and while dinner lasted, I gazed upon her withoutintermission. Her age seemed to be seventeen, her stature tall,her shape unexceptionable, her hair, that fell down upon her ivoryneck in ringlets, black as jet; her arched eyebrows of the samecolour; her eyes piercing, yet tender; her lips of the consistenceand hue of cherries; her complexion clear, delicate and healthy;her aspect noble, ingenuous, and humane; and the whole person soravishingly delightful, that it was impossible for any creatureendued with sensibility, to see without admiring, and admire withoutloving her to excess. I began to curse the servile station thatplaced me so far beneath the regard of this idol of my adoration!and yet I blessed my fate, that enabled me to enjoy daily the sightof so much perfection! When she spoke I listened with pleasure;but when she spoke to me, my soul was thrilled with an extacy oftumultuous joy. I was even so happy as to be the subject of theirconversation; for Narcissa, having observed me, said to her aunt,"I see your new footman is come." Then addressing herself to me,asked, with ineffable complacency, if I was the person who had beenso cruelly used by robbers? When I had satisfied her in this; sheexpressed a desire of knowing the other particulars of my fortune,both before and since my being shipwrecked: hereupon (as Mrs. Sagelyhad counselled me) I told her that I had been bound apprenticeto the master of a ship, contrary to my inclination, which shiphad foundered at sea; that I and four more, who chanced to be ondeck when she went down, made shift to swim to the shore, when mycompanions, after having overpowered me, stripped me to the shirt,and left me, as they imagined, dead of the wounds I received in myown defence. Then I related the circumstances of being found in abarn, with the inhuman treatment I met with from the country peopleand parson; the description of which, I perceived, drew tears fromthe charming creature's eyes. When I had finished my recital, mymistress, said, "Ma foi! le garcon est bien fait!" To which opinionNarcissa assented, with a compliment to my understanding, in thesame language, that flattered my vanity extremely.

The conversation, among other subjects, turned upon the youngsquire, whom my lady inquired after under the title of the Savage;and was informed by her niece that he was still in bed, repairingthe fatigue of last night's debauch, and recruiting strength andspirits to undergo a fox chase to-morrow morning, in company withSir Timothy Thicket, Squire Bumper, and a great many other gentlemenof the same stamp, whom he had invited on that occasion! so thatby daybreak the whole house would be in an uproar. This was a verydisagreeable piece of news to the virtuoso, who protested she wouldstuff her ears with cotton when she went to bed, and take a doseof opium to make her sleep the more sound, that she might not bedisturbed and distracted by the clamour of the brutes.

When their dinner was over, I and my fellow servants sat down toours in the kitchen, where I understood that Sir Timothy Thicket wasa wealthy knight in the neighbourhood, between whom and Narcissa amatch had been projected by her brother, who promised at the sametime to espouse Sir Timothy's sister; by which means, as theirfortunes were pretty equal, the young ladies would be providedfor, and their brothers be never the poorer; but that the ladiesdid not concur in the scheme, each of them entertaining a heartycontempt for the person allotted to her for a husband by thisagreement. This information begat in me a mortal aversion to SirTimothy, whom I looked upon as my rival, and cursed in my heartfor his presumption.

Next morning, by daybreak, being awakened by the noise of thehunters and hounds, I rose to view the cavalcade, and had a sightof my competitor, whose accomplishments (the estate excluded) didnot seem brilliant enough to give me much uneasiness with respectto Narcissa, who, I flattered myself, was not to be won by suchqualifications as he was master of, either as to person or mind.My mistress, notwithstanding her precaution, was so much disturbedby her nephew's company, that she did not rise till five o'clockin the afternoon; so that I had an opportunity of examining herstudy at leisure, to which examination I was strongly prompted bymy curiosity. Here I found a thousand scraps of her own poetry,consisting of three, four, ten, twelve, and twenty lines, onan infinity of subjects, which, as whim inspired, she had begun,without constancy or capacity to bring to any degree of composition:but, what was very extraordinary in a female poet, there was notthe least mention made of love in any of her performances. I countedfragments of five tragedies, the titles of which were "The SternPhilosopher," "The Double," "The Sacrilegious Traitor," "The Fallof Lucifer," and "The Last Day." From whence I gathered, that herdisposition was gloomy, and her imagination delighted with objectsof horror. Her library was composed of the best English historians,poets, and philosophers; of all the French critics and poets, andof a few books in Italian, chiefly poetry, at the head of which wereTasso and Ariosto, pretty much used. Besides these, translationsof the classics into French, but not one book in Greek or Latin;a circumstance that discovered her ignorance in these languages.

After having taken a full view of this collection, I retired, and atthe usual time was preparing to lay the cloth, when I was told bythe maid that her mistress was still in bed, and had been so affectedwith the notes of the hounds in the morning, that she actuallybelieved herself a hare beset by the hunters, and begged a fewgreens to munch for breakfast. When I expressed my surprise in thisunaccountable imagination she gave me to understand that her ladywas very much subject to whims of this nature; sometimes fancyingherself an animal, sometimes a piece of furniture, during whichconceited transformations it was very dangerous to come near her,especially when she represented a beast; for that lately, in thecharacter of a cat, she had flown at her, and scratched her facein a terrible manner: that some months ago, she prophesied thegeneral conflagration was at hand, and nothing would be able toquench it but her water, which therefore she kept so long, that herlife was in danger, and she must needs have died of the retention,had they not found an expedient to make her evacuate, by kindlinga bonfire under her chamber window and persuading her that the housewas in flames: upon which, with great deliberation, she bade thembring all the tubs and vessels they could find to be filled forthe preservation of the house, into one of which she immediatelydischarged the cause of her distemper. I was also informed thatnothing contributed so much to the recovery of her reason as music,which was always administered on those occasions by Narcissa, whoplayed perfectly well on the harpsichord, and to whom she (the maid)was just then going to intimate her aunt's disorder.

She was no sooner gone than I was summoned by the bell to my lady'schamber, where I found her sitting squat on her hands on the floor,in the manner of puss when she listens to the outcries of herpursuers. When I appeared, she started up with an alarmed look,and sprang to the other side of the room to avoid me, whom, withoutdoubt, she mistook for a beagle thirsting after her life. Perceivingher extreme confusion, I retired, and on the staircase met theadorable Narcissa coming up, to whom I imparted the situation of mymistress; she said not a word, but smiling with unspeakable grace,went into her aunt's apartment, and in a little time my ears wereravished with the efforts of her skill. She accompanied the instrumentwith a voice so sweet and melodious, that I did not wonder at thesurprising change it produced on the spirits of my mistress whichcomposed to peace and sober reflection.

About seven o'clock, the hunters arrived with the skins of two foxesand one badger, carried before them as trophies of their success;and when they were about to sit down to dinner (or supper) SirTimothy Thicket desired that Narcissa would honour the table withher presence; but this request, notwithstanding her brother'sthreats and entreaties, she refused, on pretence of attending heraunt, who was indisposed; so I enjoyed the satisfaction of seeingmy rival mortified: but this disappointment made no great impressionon him, who consoled himself with the bottle, of which the wholecompany became so enamoured that, after a most horrid uproar oflaughing, singing, swearing, and fighting, they were all carried tobed in a state of utter oblivion. My duty being altogether detachedfrom the squire and his family, I led a pretty easy and comfortablelife, drinking daily intoxicating draughts of love from the charmsof Narcissa, which brightened on my contemplation every day moreand more. Inglorious as my station was, I became blind to my ownunworthiness, and even conceived hopes of one day enjoying this amiablecreature, whose, affability greatly encouraged these presumptuousthoughts.

CHAPTER XL

My mistress is surprised at my learning--communicates her performancesto me--I impart some of mine to her--am mortified at her faintpraise--Narcissa approves of my conduct--I gain an involuntaryconquest over the cookwench and dairymaid--their mutual resentmentand insinuations--the jealousy of their lovers

During this season of love and tranquillity, my muse, which had laindormant so long, awoke, and produced several small performances onthe subject of my flame. But as it concerned me nearly to remainundiscovered in my character and sentiments, I was under a necessityof mortifying my desire of praise, by confining my works to my ownperusal and applause. In the meantime I strove to insinuate myselfinto the good opinion of both ladies; and succeeded so well, bymy diligence and dutiful behaviour, that in a little time I was atleast a favourite servant; and frequently enjoyed the satisfactionof hearing myself mentioned in French and Italian, with somedegree of warmth and surprise by the dear object of all my wishes,as a person who had so much of the gentleman in my appearance anddiscourse, that she could not for her soul treat me like a commonlacquey. My prudence and modesty were not long proof against thesebewitching compliments. One day, while I waited at dinner, theconversation turned upon a knotty passage of Tasso's Gierusalem, which,it seems, had puzzled them both: after a great many unsatisfactoryconjectures, my mistress, taking the book out of her pocket, turnedup the place in question, and read the sentence over and over withoutsuccess; at length, despairing of finding the author's meaning, sheturned to me, saying, "Come hither, Bruno; let us see what fortunewill do for us: I will interpret to thee what goes before, and whatfollows this obscure paragraph, the particular words of which Iwill also explain, that thou mayst, by comparing one with another,guess the sense of that which perplexes us." I was too vainto let slip this opportunity of displaying my talents; therefore,without hesitation, read and explained the whole of that which haddisconcerted them, to the utter astonishment of both. Narcissa'sface and lovely neck were overspread with blushes, from which Idrew a favourable opinion, while her aunt, after having stared atme a good while with a look of amazement, exclaimed, "In the nameof heaven who art thou?" I told her I had picked up a smatteringof Italian, during a voyage up the Straits. At this explanationshe shook her head, and observed that no smatterer could read asI had done. She then desired to know if I understood French. Towhich question I answered in the affirmative. She asked if I wasacquainted with the Latin and Greek? I replied, "A little." "Oho!"continued she, "and with philosophy and mathematics, I suppose?"I owned I knew something of each. Then she repeated her stare andinterrogation. I began to repent of my vanity, and in order torepair the fault I committed, said, it was not to be wondered atif I had a tolerable education, for learning was so cheap in mycountry, that every peasant was a scholar; but, I hoped her Ladyshipwould think my understanding no exception to my character. "No,no, God forbid." But during the rest of the time they sat at table,they behaved with remarkable reserve.

This alteration gave me great uneasiness; and I passed the nightwithout sleep, in melancholy reflections on the vanity of young men,which prompts them to commit so many foolish actions, contrary totheir own sober judgment. Next day, however, instead of profitingby this self-condemnation, I yielded still more to the dictatesof the principle I had endeavoured to chastise, and if fortune hadnot befriended me more than prudence could expect, I should havebeen treated with the contempt it deserved. After breakfast mylady, who was a true author, bade me follow her into the study,where she expressed herself thus: "Since you are so learned, youcannot be void of taste; therefore I am to desire your opinion ofa small performance in poetry, which I lately composed. You mustknow that I have planned a tragedy, the subject of which shall be,the murder of a prince before the altar, where he is busy at hisdevotions. After the deed is perpetrated, the regicide will haranguethe people with the bloody dagger in his hand; and I have alreadycomposed a speech, which, I think, will suit the character extremely.Here it is." Then, taking up a scrap of paper, she read, withviolent emphasis and gesture, as follows:--

"Thus have I sent the simple King to hell, Without or coffin, shroud, or passing bell: To me what are divine and human laws? I court no sanction but my own applause! Rapes, robberies, treasons, yield my soul delight, And human carnage gratifies my sight: I drag the parent by the hoary hair, And toss the sprawling infant on the spear, While the fond mother's cries regale my ear. I fight, I vanquish, murder friends and foes; Nor dare the immortal gods my rage oppose."

Though I did great violence to my understanding in praising thisunnatural rhapsody, I nevertheless extolled it as a productionthat of itself deserved immortal fame; and besought her ladyshipto bless the world with the fruits of those uncommon talents Heavenhad bestowed upon her. She smiled with a look of self-complacency,and encouraged by the incense I had offered, communicated all herpoetical works which I applauded, one by one, with as little candouras I had shown at first. Satiated with my flattery, which I hopemy situation justified, she could not in conscience refuse me anopportunity of shining in my turn: and, therefore, after a complimentto my nice discernment and taste, observed, that doubtless I musthave produced something in that way myself, which she desired tosee. This was temptation I could by no means resist. I owned thatwhile I was at college I wrote some detached pieces, at the desireof a friend who was in love; and at her request repeated thefollowing verses, which indeed my love for Narcissa had inspired:--

On Celia,

Playing on the harpsichord and singing.

When Sappho struck the quivering wire, The throbbing breast was all on fire: And when she raised the vocal lay, The captive soul was charm'd away.

But had the nymph possessed with these Thy softer, chaster, power to please; Thy beauteous air of sprightly youth, Thy native smiles of artless truth;

The worm of grief had never preyed On the forsaken love-sick maid: Nor had she mourn'd a hapless flame, Nor dash'd on rocks her tender frame.

My mistress paid me a cold compliment on the versification, which,she said, was elegant enough, but, the subject beneath the pen ofa true poet. I was extremely nettled at her indifference, and lookedat Narcissa, who by this time had joined us, for her approbation;but she declined giving her opinion, protesting she was no judgeof these matters; so that I was forced to retire very much balkedin my expectation, which was generally a little too sanguine. Inthe afternoon, however, the waiting-maid assured me that Narcissahad expressed her approbation of my performance with great warmth,and desired her to procure a copy of it as for herself, that she(Narcissa) might have an opportunity to peruse it at pleasure.I was elated to an extravagant pitch at this intelligence, andimmediately transcribed a fair copy of my Ode, which was carriedto the dear charmer, together with another on the same subject, asfollows:--

Whether or not Narcissa discovered my passion, I could not learn fromher behaviour, which, though always benevolent to me was henceforthmore reserved and less cheerful. While my thoughts aspired to asphere so far above me, I had unwittingly made a conquest of thecookwench and dairymaid, who became so jealous of each other that,if their sentiments had been refined by education, it is probableone or other of them would have had recourse to poison or steel tobe avenged of her rival; but, as their minds were happily adaptedto their humble station, their mutual enmity was confined to scoldingand fistcuffs, in which exercise they were both well skilled. Mygood fortune did not long remain a secret; for it was disclosed bythe frequent broils of these heroines, who kept no decorum in theirencounters. The coachman and gardener, who paid their devoirs tomy admirers, each to his respective choice, alarmed at my success,laid their heads together, in order to concert n plan of revenge;and the former, having been educated at the academy at TottenhamCourt, undertook to challenge me to single combat. He accordingly,with many opprobrious invectives, bade me defiance, and offeredto box me for twenty guineas. I told him that, although I believedmyself a match for him even at that work I would not descend so farbelow the dignity of a gentleman as to fight like a porter; but ifhe had anything to say to me, I was his man at blunderbuss, musket,pistol, sword, hatchet, spit, cleaver, fork, or needle; nay,I swore, that should he give his tongue any more saucy libertiesat my expense, I would crop his ears without any ceremony. Thisrhodomontade, delivered with a stern countenance and resolute tone,had the desired effect upon my antagonist, who, with some confusion,sneaked off, and gave his friend an account of his reception.

The story, taking air among the servants, procured for me the titleof Gentleman John, with which I was sometimes honoured, even by mymistress and Narcissa, who had been informed of the whole affairby the chambermaid. In the meantime, the rival queens expressedtheir passion by all the ways in their power: the cook entertainedme with choice bits, the dairymaid with strokings: the first wouldoften encourage me to declare myself, by complimenting me upon mycourage and learning, and observing, that if she had a husband likeme, to maintain order and keep accounts, she could make a great dealof money, by setting up an eating-house in London for gentlemen'sservants on board wages. The other courted my affection by showingher own importance, and telling me that many a substantial farmerin the neighbourhood would be glad to marry her, but she was resolvedto please her eye, if she should plague her heart. Then she wouldlaunch out into the praise of my proper person, and say, she wassure I would make a good husband, for I was very good-natured. Ibegan to be uneasy at the importunities of these inamoratas, whom,at another time perhaps, I might have pleased without the disagreeablesauce of matrimony, but, at present, my whole soul was engrossedby Narcissa; and I could not bear the thoughts of doing anythingderogatory to the passion I entertained for her.

CHAPTER XLI

Narcissa being in danger from the brutality of Sir Timothy, isrescued by me, who revenge myself on my rival--I declare my passion,and retreat to the seaside--am surrounded by smugglers, and carriedto Boulogne--find my Uncle Lieutenant Bowling in great distress,and relieve him--our conversation

At certain intervals my ambition would revive; I would despise myselffor my tame resignation to my sordid fate, and revolve a hundredschemes for assuming the character of a gentleman, to which Ithought myself entitled by birth and education. In these fruitlesssuggestions time stole away unperceived, and I had already remainedeight months in the station of a footman, when an accident happenedthat put an end to my servitude, and, for the present, banishedall hopes of succeeding in my love.

Narcissa went one day to visit Miss Thicket, who lived with herbrother within less than a mile of our house, and was persuaded towalk home in the cool of the evening, accompanied by Sir Timothy,who, having a good deal of the brute in him, was instigated to usesome unbecoming familiarities with her, encouraged by the solitarinessof a field through which they passed. The lovely creature wasincensed at his rude behaviour for which she reproached him in sucha manner that he lost all regard to decency, and actually offeredviolence to this pattern of innocence and beauty. But Heavenwould not suffer so much goodness to be violated, and sent me, who,passing by accident near the place, was alarmed with her cries,for her succour. What were the emotions of my soul, when I beheldNarcissa almost sinking beneath the brutal force of this satyr! Iflew like lightning to her rescue, and he, perceiving me, quittedhis prey, and drew his hanger to chastise my presumption. Myindignation was too high to admit one thought of fear, so that,rushing upon him, I struck his weapon out of his hand, and used mycudgel so successfully that he fell to the ground, and lay, to allappearance, without sense. Then I turned to Narcissa, who had swooned,and sitting down by her, gently raised her head, and supported iton my bosom, while, with my hand around her waist, I kept her inthat position. My soul was thrilled with tumultuous joy, at feelingthe object of my dearest wishes within my arms; and, while she layinsensible, I could not refrain from applying my cheeks to hers,and ravishing a kiss. In a little time the blood began to revisither face, she opened her enchanting eyes, and, having recollectedher late situation, said, with a look full of tender acknowledgment,"Dear John, I am eternally obliged to you!" So saying she made aneffort to rise, in which I assisted her, and she proceeded to thehouse, leaning upon me all the way. I was a thousand times temptedby this opportunity to declare my passion, but the dread ofdisobliging her restrained my tongue. We had not moved a hundredpaces from the scene of her distress, when I perceived Sir Timothyrise and walk homeward--a circumstance which, though it gave mesome satisfaction, inasmuch as I thereby knew I had not killed him,filled me with just apprehension of his resentment, which I foundmyself in no condition to withstand; especially when I consideredhis intimacy with our squire, to whom I knew he could justify himselffor what he had done, by imputing it to his love, and desiring hisbrother Bruin to take the same liberty with his sister, withoutany fear of offence.

When we arrived at the house, Narcissa assured me she would exertall her influence in protecting me from the revenge of Thicket, andlikewise engage her aunt in my favour, At the same time, pullingout her purse, offered it as a small consideration for the serviceI had done her. But I stood too much upon the punctilios of loveto incur the least suspicion of being mercenary, and refused thepresent, by saying I had merited nothing by barely doing my duty.She seemed astonished at my disinterestedness, and blushed: I feltthe same suffusion, and, with a downcast eye and broken accent,told her I had one request to make, which, if her generosity wouldgrant, I should think myself fully recompensed, for an age of misery.She changed colour at this preamble, and, with great confusion,replied, she hoped my good sense would hinder me from askinganything she was bound in honour to refuse, and therefore bade mesignify my desire. Upon which I kneeled, and engaged to kiss herhand. She immediately, with an averted look, stretched it out:I imprinted on it an ardent kiss, and, bathing it with my tears,cried, "Dear Madam, I am an unfortunate gentleman, and love youto distraction, but would have died a thousand deaths rather thanmake this declaration under such a servile appearance, were I notdetermined to yield to the rigour of my fate, to fly from yourbewitching presence, and bury my presumptuous passion in eternalsilence." With these words I rose, and went away before she couldrecover her spirits so far as to make any reply.

My first care was to go and consult Mrs. Sagely, with whom I hadentertained a friendly correspondence ever since I left her house.When she understood my situation, the good woman, with real concern,condoled with me on my unhappy fate, and approved of my resolutionto leave the country, as being perfectly well acquainted with thebarbarous disposition of my rival, "who, by this time," said she,"has no doubt meditated a scheme of revenge. Indeed, I cannot seehow you will be able to elude his vengeance; being himself in thecommission, he will immediately grant warrants for apprehendingyou; and, as almost all the people in this country are dependenton him or his friend, it will be impossible for you to find shelteramong them. If you should be apprehended, he will commit you tojail, where you may possibly in great misery languish till the nextassizes, and then be transported for assaulting a magistrate."

While she thus warned me of my danger, we heard a knockingat the door, which threw us both into great consternation, as inall probability, it was occasioned by my pursuers; whereupon thisgenerous old lady, putting two guineas into my hand, with tears inher eyes, bade me, for God's sake, get out at the back-door andconsult my safety as Providence should direct me. There was notime for deliberation. I followed her advice, and escaped by thebenefit of a dark night to the seaside, where, while I ruminated onmy next excursion, I was all of a sudden surrounded by armed men,who, having bound my hands and feet, bade me make no noise on painof being shot, and carried me on board of a vessel, which I soonperceived to be a smuggling cutter. This discovery gave me somesatisfaction at first, because I concluded myself safe from theresentment of Sir Timothy; but, when I found myself in the handsof ruffians, who threatened to execute me for a spy, I would havethought myself happily quit for a year's imprisonment, or eventransportation, It was in vain for me to protest my innocence: Icould not persuade them that I had taken a solitary walk to theirhaunt, at such an hour, merely for my own amusement; and I didnot think it my interest to disclose the true cause of my retreat,because I was afraid they would have made their peace with justiceby surrendering me to the penalty of the law. What confirmed theirsuspicion was, the appearance of a custom-house yacht, which gavethem chase, and had well nigh made a prize of their vessel; when theywere delivered from their fears by a thick fog, which effectuallyscreened them, and favoured their arrival at Boulogne. But, beforethey got out of sight of their pursuer, they held a council ofwar about me, and some of the most ferocious among them would havethrown me overboard as a traitor who had betrayed them to theirenemies; but others, more considerate, alleged, that if they putme to death, and should afterwards be taken, they could expectno mercy from the legislature, which would never pardon outlawryaggravated by murder. It was therefore determined by a pluralityof votes, that I should be set on shore in France, and left tofind my way back to England, as I should think proper, this beingpunishment sufficient for the bare suspicion of a crime in itselfnot capital.

Although this favourable determination gave me great pleasure, theapprehension of being robbed would not suffer me to be perfectlyat ease. To prevent this calamity, as soon as I was untied, inconsequence of the aforesaid decision, I tore a small hole in oneof my stockings, into which I dropped six guineas, reserving halfa piece and some silver in my pocket, that, finding something, theymight not be tempted to make any further inquiry. This was a verynecessary precaution, for, when we came within sight of the Frenchshore, one of the smugglers told me, I must pay for my passage.To this declaration I replied, that my passage was none of myown seeking; therefore they could not expect a reward from me fortransporting me into a strange country by force. "D-me!" said theoutlaw, "none of your palaver; but let me see what money you havegot." Ss saying, he thrust his hand into my pocket without anyceremony, and emptied it of the contents; then, casting an eyeat my hat and wig, which captivated his fancy, he took them off,clapping his own on my head, declared, that a fair exchange was norobbery. I was fain to put up with this bargain, which was by nomeans favourable to me; and a little while after we went all onshore together.

I resolved to take my leave of those desperadoes without muchceremony, when one of them cautioned me against appearing to theirprejudice if ever I returned to England, unless I had a mind to bemurdered; for which service, he assured me, the gang never wantedagents. I promised to observe his advice, and departed for theUpper Town, where I inquired for a cabaret, or public-house, intowhich I went, with an intention of taking some refreshment. In thekitchen, five Dutch sailors sat at breakfast with a large loaf, afirkin of butter, and a keg of brandy, the bung of which they oftenapplied to their mouths with great perseverance and satisfaction.At some distance from them I perceived another person in the samegarb, sitting in a pensive solitary manner, entertaining himselfwith a whiff of tobacco, from the stump of a pipe as black as jet.The appearance of distress never failed to attract my regard andcompassion. I approached this forlorn tar with a view to offer himmy assistance, and, notwithstanding the alteration of dress anddisguise of a long beard, I discovered in him my long lost andlamented uncle and benefactor, Lieutenant Bowling! Good Heaven!what were the agitations of my soul, between the joy of findingagain such a valuable friend, and the sorrow of seeing him in sucha low condition! The tears gushed down my cheeks; I stood motionlessand silent for some time. At length, recovering the use of speech,I exclaimed, "Gracious God! Mr. Bowling!" My uncle no sooner heardhis name mentioned, than he started up, crying, with some surprise,"Holla!" and, after having looked at me steadfastly, without beingable to recollect me, said, "Did you call me, brother," I toldhim I had something extraordinary to communicate, and desired himto give me the hearing for a few minutes in another room; but hewould by no means consent to this proposal, saying, "Avast there,friend: none of your tricks upon travellers;--if you have anythingto say to me, do it above board;--you need not be afraid of beingoverheard;--here are none who understand our lingo." Though I was lothto discover myself before company, I could no longer refrain fromtelling him I was his own nephew, Roderick Random. On this information,he considered me with great earnestness and astonishment, and,recalling my features, which, though enlarged, were not entirelyaltered since he had seen me, came up, and shook me by the hand verycordially, protesting he was glad to see me well. After some pause,he went on thus; "And yet, my lad, I am sorry to see you undersuch colours; the more so, as it is not in my power, at present, tochange them for the better, times being very hard with me," Withthese words I could perceive a tear trickle down his furrowed cheek,which affected me so munch that I wept bitterly.

Imagining my sorrow was the effect of my own misfortunes, he comfortedme with observing, that life was a voyage in which we must expectto meet with all weathers; sometimes was calm, sometimes rough; thata fair gale often succeeded a storm; that the wind did not alwayssit one way, and that despair signified nothing; that resolutionand skill were better than a stout vessel: for why? becausethey require no carpenter, and grow stronger the more labour theyundergo. I dried up my tears, which I assured him were not shedfor my own distress, but for his, and begged leave to accompanyhim into another room, where we could converse more at our ease.There I recounted to him the ungenerous usage I had met with fromPotion; at which relation he started up, stalked across the roomthree or four times in a great hurry, and, grasping his cudgel,cried, "I would I were alongside of him--that's all--I would Iwere alongside of him!" I then gave him a detail of my adventuresand sufferings, which affected him more than I could have imagined;and concluded with telling him that Captain Oakun was still alive,and that he might return to England when he would to solicit hisaffairs, without danger or molestation. He was wonderfully pleasedwith this piece of information, of which, however, he said hecould not at present avail himself, for want of money to pay forhis passage to London. This objection I soon removed, by puttingfive guineas into his hand, and telling him I thought myself extremelyhappy in having an opportunity of manifesting my gratitude to himin his necessity. But it was with the utmost difficulty I couldprevail upon him to accept of two, which he affirmed were more thansufficient to defray the necessary expense.

After this friendly contest was over, he proposed we should havea mess of something; "For," said he, "it has been banyan day withme a great while. You must know I was shipwrecked, five days ago,near a place called Lisieux, in company with those Dutchmen whoare now drinking below; and having but little money when I cameashore, it was soon spent, because I let them have share and sharewhile it lasted. Howsomever, I should have remembered the old saying,every hog his own apple; for when they found my hold unstowed,they went all hands to shooling and begging; and, because I wouldnot take a spell at the same duty, refused to give me the leastassistance; so that I have not broke bread these two days." I wasshocked at the extremity of his distress, and ordered some bread,cheese, and wine, to be brought immediately, to allay his hunger,until a fricassee of chickens could be prepared. When he hadrecruited his spirits with this homely fare, I desired to knowthe particulars of his peregrination since the accident at CapeTiberoon, which were briefly these: The money he had about him beingall spent at Port Louis, the civility and hospitality of the Frenchcooled to such a degree, that he was obliged to list on board oneof their king's ships as a common foremast man, to prevent himselffrom starving on shore. In this situation he continued two years,during which time he had acquired some knowledge of their language,and the reputation of a good seaman; the ship he belonged to wasordered home to France, where she was laid up as unfit for service,and he was received on board one of Monsieur D'Antin's squadron,in quality of quartermaster; which office he performed in a voyageto the West Indies, where he engaged with our ship, as before related;but his conscience upbraiding him for serving the one enemies ofhis country, he quitted the ship at the same place where he firstlisted, and got to Curacoa in a Dutch vessel; there he bargainedwith a skipper, bound to Europe, to work for his passage to Holland,from whence he was in hopes of hearing from his friends in England;but was cast away, as he mentioned before, on the French coast,and must have been reduced to the necessity of travelling on footto Holland, and begging for his subsistence on the road, or ofentering on board of another French man-of-war, at the hazard ofbeing treated as a deserter, if Providence had not sent me to hissuccour. "And now, my lad," continued he, "I think I shall steermy course directly to London, where I do not doubt of being replaced,and of having the R taken off me by the Lords of the Admiralty,to whom I intend to write a petition, setting forth my case; ifI succeed, I shall have wherewithal to give you some assistance,because, when I left the ship, I had two years' pay due to me,therefore I desire to know whither you are bound: and besides,perhaps, I may have interest enough to procure a warrant appointingyou surgeon's mate of the ship to which I shall belong--for thebeadle of the Admiralty is my good friend: and he and one of theunder clerks are sworn brothers, and that under clerk has a gooddeal to say with one of the upper clerks, who is very well knownto the under secretary, who, upon his recommendation, I hope, willrecommend my affair to the first secretary; and he again will speakto one of the lords in my behalf; so that you see I do not wantfriends to assist me on occasion. As for the fellow Craampley, thofI know him not, I am sure he is neither seaman nor officer, by whatyou have told me, or else he could never be so much mistaken inhis reckoning, as to run the ship on shore on the coast of Sussexbefore he believed himself in soundings; neither, when that accidenthappened, would he have left the ship until she had been stove topieces, especially when the tide was making; wherefore, by this time,I do suppose, he has been tried by a court-martial, and executedfor his cowardice and misconduct."

I could not help smiling at the description of my uncle's ladder,by which he proposed to climb to the attention of the boardof admiralty; and, though I knew the world too well to confide insuch dependence myself, I would not discourage him with doubts,but asked if he had no friend in London, who would advance a smallsum of money to enable him to appear as he ought, and make a smallpresent to the under secretary, who might possibly dispatch hisbusiness the sooner on that account. He scratched his head, and aftersome recollection, replied, "Why, yes, I believe Daniel Whipcord,the ship-chandler in Wapping, would not refuse me such a smallmatter. I know I can have what credit I want for lodging, liquor,and clothes; but as to money, I won't be positive. Had honest Blockbeen living, I should not have been at loss." I was heartily sorryto find a worthy man so destitute of friends, when he had such needof them, and looked upon my own situation as less miserable thanhis, because I was better acquainted with the selfishness and rogueryof mankind, consequently less liable to disappointment and imposition.

CHAPTER XLII

He takes his passage in a cutter for Deal--we are accosted by aPriest, who proves to be a Scotchman--his profession on friendship--heis affronted by the Lieutenant, who afterwards appeases himby submission--my uncle embarks--I am introduced by a Priest to aCapuchin, in whose company I set out for Paris--the character ofmy fellow traveller--on adventure on the road--I am shocked at hisbehaviour

When our repast was ended, we walked down to the harbour, where wefound a cutter that was to sail for Deal in the evening, and Mr.Bowling agreed for his passage. In the meantime, we sauntered aboutthe town to satisfy our curiosity, our conversation turning on thesubject of my designs, which were not as yet fixed: neither can itbe supposed that my mind was at case, when I found myself reducedalmost to extreme poverty, in the midst of foreigners, among whomI had not one acquaintance to advise or befriend me. My uncle wassensible of my forlorn condition, and pressed me to accompany himto England, where he did not doubt of finding some sort of provisionfor me; but besides the other reasons I had for avoiding thatkingdom, I looked upon it, at this time, as the worst country in theuniverse for a poor honest man to live in; and therefore determinedto remain in France, at all events.

I was confirmed in this resolution by a reverend priest, who, passingby at this time, and overhearing us speak English, accosted us inthe same language, telling us he was our countryman, and wishing itmight be in his power to do us any service. We thanked this graveperson for his courteous offer, and invited him to drink a glasswith us, which he did not think proper to refuse, and we wentaltogether into a tavern of his recommending. After having drunkto our healths in a bumper of good Burgundy, he began to inquireinto our situation, particularly the place of our nativity, whichwe no sooner named than he started up, and, wringing our hands withgreat fervour, shed a flood of tears, crying, "I come from the samepart of the country! perhaps you are my own relations." I was onmy guard against his caresses, which I suspected very much, whenI remembered the adventure of the money-dropper; but, without anyappearance of diffidence, observed, that, as he was born in thatpart of the country, he must certainly know our families, which(howsoever mean our present appearance might be) were none ofthe most obscure or inconsiderable. Then I discovered our names,to which I found he was no stranger; he had known my grandfatherpersonally; and, notwithstanding an absence of fifty years fromScotland, recounted so many particulars of the families in theneighbourhood, that my scruples were entirely removed, and I thoughtmyself happy in his acquaintance. In the course of our conversation,I disclosed my condition without reserve, and displayed my talentsto such advantage, that the old father looked upon me with admiration,and assured me, that, if I stayed in France, and listened to reason,I could not fail of making my fortune, to which he would contributeall in his power.

My uncle began to be jealous of the Priest's insinuation, and veryabruptly declared, that if ever I should renounce my religion, hewould break off all connection and correspondence with me; for itwas his opinion, that no honest man would swerve from his principlesin which he was bred, whether Turkish, Protestant, or Roman. Thefather, affronted at this declaration, with great vehemence begana long discourse, setting forth the danger of obstinacy, and shuttingone's eyes against the light. He said, that ignorance would beno plea towards justification, when we had opportunities of beingbetter informed; and, that, if the minds of people had not beenopen to conviction, the Christian religion could not have beenpropagated in the world, and we should now be in a state of Pagandarkness and barbarity: he endeavoured to prove, by some texts ofScripture and many quotations from the Fathers, that the Pope wasthe successor of St. Peter, and vicar of Jesus Christ; that thechurch of Rome was the true, holy, catholic church; and that theProtestant faith was an impious heresy and damnable schism, bywhich many millions of souls would suffer everlasting perdition.When he had finished his sermon, which I thought he pronouncedwith more zeal than discretion, he addressed himself to my uncle,desired to know his objections to what had been said. The lieutenant,whose attention had been wholly engrossed by his own affairs, tookthe pipe out of his mouth, and replied, "As for me, friend, d'yesee, I have no objection to what you say; it may be either truthor false, for what I know; I meddle with nobody's affairs but myown; the gunner to his linstock, and the steersman to the helm, asthe saying is. I trust to no creed but the compass, and do untoevery man as I would be done by; so that I defy the Pope, theDevil, and the Pretender; and hope to be saved as well as another."This association of persons gave great offence to the friar, whoprotested, in a mighty passion, that if Mr. Bowling had not beenhis countryman, he would have caused him to be imprisoned for hisinsolence; I ventured to disapprove of my uncle's rashness, andappeased the old gentleman, by assuring him there was no offenceintended by my kinsman, who, by this time sensible of his error,shook the injured party by the hand, and asked pardon for the freedomhe had taken. Matters being amicably compromised, he invited us tocome and see him in the afternoon at the convent to which he belonged,and took his leave for the present; when my uncle recommendedit strongly to me to persevere in the religion of my forefathers,whatever advantages might propose to myself by a change, whichcould not fail of disgracing myself, and dishonouring my family.I assured him no consideration would induce me to forfeit hisfriendship and good opinion on that score; at which assurance hediscovered great satisfaction, and put me in mind of dinner, whichwe immediately bespoke, and when it was ready, ate together.

I imagined my acquaintance with the Scottish priest if properlymanaged, might turn out to my advantage, and therefore resolved tocultivate it as much as I could. With this view we visited him athis convent, according to his invitation, where he treated us withwine and sweetmeats, and showed us everything that was remarkablein the monastery. Having been thus entertained, we took our leave,though not before I had promised to see him next day, and the timefixed for my uncle's embarking being come, I accompanied him to theharbour, and saw him on board. We parted not without tears, afterwe had embraced and wished one another all manner of prosperity:and he entreated me to write to him often, directing to LieutenantBowling, at the sign of the Union Flag, near the Hermitage, London.

I returned to the house in which we had met, where I passed thenight in a very solitary manner, reflecting on the severity of myfate, and endeavouring to project some likely scheme of life for thefuture; but my invention failed me; I saw nothing but insurmountabledifficulties in my way, and was ready to despair at the miserableprospect! That I might not, however, neglect any probable reason,I got up in the morning, and went directly to the father, whoseadvice and assistance I implored. He received me very kindly, andgave me to understand, that there was one way of life in whicha person of my talents could not fail of making a great figure.I guessed his meaning, and told him, once for all, I was fullydetermined against any alteration in point of religion; thereforeif his proposal regarded the church, he might save himself thetrouble of explaining it. He shook his head and sighed, saying,"Ah! son, son, what a glorious prospect is here spoiled by yourstubborn prejudice! Suffer yourself to be persuaded by reason, andconsult your temporal welfare, as well as the concerns of your eternalsoul. I can, by my interest procure your admission as a noviciateto this convent, where I will superintend and direct you with atruly paternal affection." Then he launched out into the praisesof a monastic life, which no noise disturbs, no cares molest, andno danger invades--where the heart is weaned from carnal attachments,the grosser appetite subdued and chastised, and the soul waftedto divine regions of philosophy and truth, on the wing of studiouscontemplation. But his eloquence was lost upon me, whom twoconsiderations enabled to withstand his temptation; namely, mypromise to my uncle, and my aversion to an ecclesiastical life;for as to the difference of religion, I looked upon it as a thingof too small moment to come in competition with a man's fortune.Finding me immovable on this head, he told me, he was more sorrythan offended at my noncompliance, and still ready to employ hisgood offices in my behalf. "The same erroneous maxims," said he, "that obstruct your promotion in the church, will infallibly preventyour advancement in the army; but, if you can brook the conditionof a servant, I am acquainted with some people of rank at Versailles,to whom I can give you letters of recommendation, that you may beentertained by some one of them in quality of maitre d'hotel; andI do not doubt that your qualifications will soon entitle you to abetter provision." I embraced his offer with great eagerness, andhe appointed me to come back in the afternoon, when he would notonly give me letters, but likewise introduce me to a capuchin ofhis acquaintance, who intended to set out for Paris next morningin whose company I might travel, without being at the expense ofone livre during the whole journey. This piece of good news gave meinfinite pleasure; I acknowledged my obligation to the benevolentfather in the most grateful expressions; and he performed his promiseto a tittle, in delivering the letters, and making me acquaintedwith the capuchin, with whom I departed next morning by break ofday.

It was not long before I discovered my fellow traveller to bea merry facetious fellow, who, notwithstanding his profession andappearance of mortification, loved good eating and drinking betterthan his rosary, and paid more adoration to a pretty girl than tothe Virgin Mary, or St. Genevieve. He was a thick brawny young man,with red eyebrows, a hook nose, a face covered with freckles; andhis name was Frere Balthazar. His order did not permit him to wearlinen, so that, having little occasion to undress himself, he wasnone of the cleanliest animals in the world; and his constitutionwas naturally so strongly scented that I always thought it convenientto keep to the windward of him in our march. As he was perfectlywell known on the road, we fared sumptuously without any cost, andthe fatigue of our journey was much alleviated by the good humourof my companion, who sang an infinite number of catches on thesubjects of love and wine. We took up our lodging the first nightat a peasant's house not far from Abbeville, where we were entertainedwith an excellent ragout, cooked by our landlord's daughters, oneof whom was very handsome. After having eaten heartily and dranka sufficient quantity of small wine, we were conducted to a barn,where we found a couple of carpets spread upon clean straw for ourreception. We had not lain in this situation above half-an-hour, whenwe heard somebody knock softly at the door, upon which Balthazargot up, and let in our host's two daughters, who wanted to havesome private conversation with him in the dark. When they hadwhispered together some time, the capuchin came to me, and asked ifI was insensible to love, and so hard-hearted as to refuse a shareof my bed to a pretty maid who had a tendre for me? I must own tomy shame, that I suffered myself to be overcome by my passion, andwith great eagerness seized the occasion, when I understood thatthe amiable Nanette was to be my bedfellow. In vain did my reasonsuggest the respect that I owed to my dear mistress Narcissa;the idea of that lovely charmer rather increased than allayed the