Lots of booze-based, full-weekend events going on. Bockfest and the Cincinnati International Wine Festival Grand Tastings both kick off tonight — one with a goat and the other with a far classier couple, Gina Gallo of the Gallo wine family and her husband Jean-Charles Boisset, of France's Boisset Family Estates winery.

FRIDAY

Event: Bockfest

Cincinnatians not only love their beer, they also love to celebrate that they love their beer. They even love to celebrate the celebration of loving their beer. Bockfest, the oldest and largest German-style bock beer festival in the United States, is back to host a weekend of beer drinking, live music, German games, dancing, a 5k run and tons of sausage. The party kicks off 6 p.m. Friday with a parade led by a majestic bock — or to the non-German speaker, a goat — and a Sausage Queen, starting at Arnold’s Bar & Grill and ending with a ceremonial keg blessing at the festival hub, Bockfest Hall (1619 Moore St., OTR). The festivities continue in tents and overflow into surrounding participating venues, none of which will have an admission fee. A free shuttle will run a continuous loop among Bockfest sites all weekend long, taking you quickly from one keg tapping to another.

Along the route will be a traditional fish fry at Old St. Mary’s in OTR and a “veenie” vegan sausage roast outside Park + Vine. The festivities continue into the outdoor tent venues, and overflow into surrounding participating venues, none of which will have an admission fee. A free shuttle bus will run a continuous loop among the Bockfest sites all weekend long, taking you quickly from one keg tapping to another. To get a taste of history to sample with your beer, there will be tours of the city’s historical breweries and underground tunnels, plus a Bockfest Heritage Series at the Woodward Theatre, with speakers, presentations, displays and stein collections. The third annual Bockfest 5k run takes off from Bockfest Hall 10 a.m. Saturday to benefit the Flying Pig Marathon charities — a great way to burn off all that beer. Grab a “Continental Bockfest” of Amish chicken, hot bacon sauerkraut slaw and plenty of German sausage noon-2 p.m. Sunday at Bockfest Hall, before dancing the night away at a traditional German folk dance … or at least until all the beer runs out. Friday-Sunday. Free. Full schedule of events at bockfest.com.

Photo: Provided

Event: Cincinnati International Wine Festival

If wine gets better with age, it makes sense that the Cincinnati International Wine Festival would too. Celebrating its 25th anniversary, the three-day fest is made up of winery dinners at local restaurants and grand tastings, plus a Saturday charity auction and luncheon at the Hall of Mirrors. The fest, which is a nonprofit, has raised more than $4.2 million for local charities during its lifetime. And if you can do good while imbibing samples of more than 800 wines from around the world, what’s better than that? Most winery dinners are sold out, but tickets are still available for Grand Tastings on Friday and Saturday, which allow expert and beginner oenophiles to taste rare, new and exciting wines while chatting with winemakers. Read our cheat-sheet for how to get your grape on here. 6:30-9 p.m. Friday; 2:30-4:30 p.m. and 6:30-9:30 p.m. Saturday. $65-$125. Duke Energy Convention Center, 525 Elm St., Downtown. winefestival.com.

Mort Shuman (left) and Doc Pomus

Photo: Felder Family Archive

Film: AKA Doc Pomus

It’s been a long, slow journey for Doc Pomus — who died in 1991 without being widely known by the public — to become recognized as one of Rock & Roll’s greatest songwriters ever. But his cause has gained much momentum recently. One key element is the recent documentary AKA Doc Pomus, which plays Friday at The Carnegie in Covington as part of the current Cincinnati ReelAbilities Film Festival. It is followed by a tribute concert for Pomus featuring local acts The Hiders, Magnolia Mountain, The Perfect Children and DJ Mowgli. Cincinnati ReelAbilities Film Festival presents AKA DOC POMUS and a tribute concert at 6 p.m. Friday at The Carnegie in Covington. More info and tickets: cincyra.org.

The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

Photo: Fox Searchlight Pictures

Film: Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

For part two, The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel continues along the same path, with a wistful, unfulfilled ache that lingers in each character, some moreso than others.

Douglas, having jettisoned Jean, pines for Evelyn. The two spend their days working through their retirement in Jaipur, and their evenings engaged in a most understated courtship. Norman, on the other hand, has settled down quite comfortably with Carol (Diana Hardcastle), a fellow pleasure-seeker, while Madge has a pair of eligible suitors hooked, but has an itch that neither is quite able to satisfactorily scratch for her.

Muriel and Sonny have the most obvious big-picture storyline, thanks to the burgeoning success of the first Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. Sonny wants to expand but needs an infusion of cash and support, so the pair heads to the U.S. to negotiate with a branded chain headed by Ty Burley (the exquisitely bearded David Strathairn) who agrees, in principle, but sends an anonymous scout to check on things before making a final decision.

Of course, the secret inspector is slated to arrive just as Sonny’s in the final stages of planning and executing his wedding to Sunaina, so there are the typical examples of mistaken identity and botched plans that must occur along the way before the happy ending, right? Check.

The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel is all about the innumerable chances life offers, and the fierce fighting spirit that burns in us no matter the age or situation in which we find ourselves. Intriguingly, that spirit, this time out, replaces the exotic location, and with new beacons (in the form of Richard Gere and a much better used Lillete Dubey as Sonny’s mother) presents a worthy second stay that could open the door for even more — not at all unwelcome — visits down the road. Opens wide Friday.

SATURDAY

Event: Men's Roller Derby

If you’re missing your weekly chance to watch dudes beat the tar out of each other now that football season is over, we may have found your replacement. And, no, it’s not hockey. It’s way too freaking cold to go sit around an ice rink. It’s not too cold, however, to huddle up with your friends at Sports Plus and watch a testosterone-filled roller derby battle between the Cincinnati Battering Rams and the Cleveland Guardians. Now, if we could just get them to update their uniforms with some booty shorts… 5 p.m. Saturday. $10-$12. Sports Plus, 10765 Reading Road, Evendale, cincinnatibatteringrams.com.

Photo: Provided

Art: Macy's Arts Sampler Weekend

More than 100 free performances and activities for thespians and admirers of the arts are jam packed into a single weekend at venues across Cincinnati during the Macy’s Arts Sampler. Brought to you by ArtsWave, Greater Cincinnati arts organizations of all shapes and sizes will get their turn on stage and in the spotlight, with free shows on Saturday and Sunday. Highlights from the weekend include puppet shows from Madcap Puppets, performances of the classics from Cincinnati Shakespeare Company, interactive activities like the family art camp by Art Academy of Cincinnati and an open house Sunday at Music Hall featuring self-guided tours, hands-on activities and performances throughout the building by the likes of Visionaries + Voices, Pones, Inc., Playhouse in the Park and more. See a full list of events online. Saturday-Sunday. Free. theartswave.org.

Art: Brighton First Saturday

At least one new gallery in Brighton will host its inaugural exhibition Saturday — i.e. Pear Gallery (2159 Central Ave., #8) — and no less than four exhibitions will be on view along the stretch of Central Avenue between the Ice Cream Factory and semantics gallery. semantics hosts the work of Cincinnati visual artist and musician Evan Lautzenheiser; Pear Gallery will pair (a play on the gallery’s name/curatorial mission) the work of sculptor Lindsey Henderson and painter Mica Smith; Molly Donnermeyer will show new work of her own at Live(In) Gallery with site-specific installations for each room of her home; and the Ice Cream Factory (2133 Central Ave., Brighton) will come alive from 7-11 p.m. with the illustrated event posters of Brighton resident and advocate for Cincy’s free DIY community calendar, Robert Inman. facebook.com/liveingallery, facebook.com/semanticsgallery, facebook.com/peargallery2159.

Peter Pan at CCM

Photo: Mark Lyona

Onstage: Peter Pan

Don’t let the disappointing TV production of Peter Pan in December keep you away from the University of Cincinnati’s College-Conservatory of Music’s production of this delightful show, where it will be populated by performers on their way to Broadway careers. The story of a mischievous boy who can fly and refuses to grow up will get a lively production, complete with flying effects. An escape to Neverland is something we all deserve this time of year, even if Captain Hook, his pirate crew and the voracious crocodile are lurking in the shadows. “Second star to the right, and straight on till morning.” 8 p.m. Thursday-Friday; 2 and 8 p.m. Saturday; 2 p.m. Sunday. $31-$35. Ralph Corbett Auditorium, CCM Village, University of Cincinnati, Clifton Heights, 513-556-4183, ccm.uc.edu/boxoffice.

Honey & Houston's debut album, Barcelona

Music: Honey & Houston

Fantastic Northern Kentucky Folk/Country/Americana foursome Honey & Houston celebrate the release of its debut full-length, Barcelona, this Saturday at the Southgate House Revival. It will be quite an impressive triple bill featuring three of the area’s best Folk/Roots acts — Young Heirlooms and Arlo McKinley & the Lonesome Sound are set to join Honey & Houston. 9 p.m. $5. 111 E. Sixth St., Newport, southgatehouse.com.

SUNDAY

Photo: Malcom Viles

Music: The Church

In the late ’70s, Australia exported a fair amount of bracingly unique Alternative Rock that rivaled anything produced by America or Great Britain. One of the Antipodean music scene’s leading lights in the subsequent ’80s was The Church, an aptly christened quartet that played with a hushed, psychedelic intensity and inspired an almost religious fervor among its rapidly converted fan base. Anchored by singer/songwriter Steve Kilbey and guitarists Peter Koppes and Marty Willson-Piper, The Church scored an Australian hit out of the gate with its 1981 debut album, Of Skins and Hearts, and its massive first single, “The Unguarded Moment.” Released in the U.S. on Capitol, Of Skins and Hearts generated little attention and The Church eventually lost their American distribution when it ignored requests for more deliberate radio hits.The band’s second American chance came in 1984 with a Warner Brothers contract and the repackaged release of two EPs as the full-length Remote Luxury. The band’s breakthrough, 1988’s Starfish, was its best selling album at home and sold well over a half million copies in the U.S. (where it was its debut for the Arista label) largely on the basis of its signature single, “Under the Milky Way,” an Alt Rock classic. The Church plays at Woodward Theater Sunday. Find tickets/more info here.

Cincinnati Home & Garden Show

Event: Cincinnati Home & Garden Show

According to the current weather forecast, most of our yards will still be covered in snow during the entirety of the 2015 Cincinnati Home & Garden Show. As depressing as that may seem right now, spring is (hopefully) just around the corner and it has already sprung at the Duke Energy Convention Center. Wander through fairy gardens, let your significant other try to coerce you into buying a hot tub or swoon over kitchens the size of your entire OTR apartment. Seriously. Your only other plans this week are working and shoveling the walk … again. Through March 8. $13; free for kids. 525 Elm St., Downtown, cincinnatihomeandgardenshow.com.

The Walking Dead

TV: The Walking Dead

Watch out, Alexandria: “Smooth Face” Grimes is here, and he’ll take your place and your wife! This week we get a broader look at the seemingly safe haven and learn about the residents’ concerns, which include prosciutto. 9 p.m. on AMC.

]]>Whether you’re single, attached or a socially awkward penguin this
Valentine’s Day, that special someone may still be missing from your life. No, I’m
not talking about that guy in your OkCupid inbox or that girl in your yoga
class. Pets can offer that unconditional kind of love that we humans yearn for
so earnestly. Research shows significant results in the effects pets can have
on anxiety, depression and loneliness. I think we can all agree that this
winter has been a hard one — so why not share it with a furry friend?

This weekend, Alcott and Phodographer hosts My Furry Valentine,
one of the largest pet adoption events in Ohio. The event features more
than 500 adoptable pets that include (but are not limited to) dogs, cats,
rabbits, rats, mice, ferrets and amphibians from more than 40 different rescue and
shelter groups from the Greater Cincinnati area. It’s sort of like speed dating
except with animals, but way better. Every pet adopted from the main event will
go home with a free goody bag, a collar and leash and the chance to win a pet-themed
raffle basket.

My Furry Valentine is housed in a 50,000-square-foot West Chester
warehouse — so wear comfortable shoes for lots of walking. More than 5,000
people are expected to show, so be prepared to park far and walk or take a
shuttle to the event. (Shuttles will be continuously driving from the parking
lots to the main event.)

The event features family-friendly games, face painting,
balloon and caricature artists and live entertainment. Food and beverages will
also be available for purchase. Parking and admission are
free.

Who knows, maybe you could become Internet-famous by teaching your new
pet how to use a toilet. The
next Lil Bub could be out there, just waiting to be adopted by a loving family.

The event will take place this Saturday from
11 a.m. to 7 p.m. and Sunday from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. at
Flexi USA, 8494 Firebird Drive, West Chester.

]]>

A few weeks ago, I was headed downstairs with a basket of
laundry and when I got to our kitchen doorway, I automatically raised my
right leg to clear the baby gate. We haven't had any babies in the
house since Clinton's first term, but we wound up using our
long-neglected toddler barriers as a method to contain Bosco, our
rambunctious Boston terrier.

Initially, we thought we'd use the gates for a few months
while Bosco got acclimated to our spacious family room and kitchen, and
to give our two cats — ancient 15-year-old Sushi and weeks-old and then
just-acquired Pansy — a safe haven to escape from his brilliantly
maniacal bursts of energy. Bosco would patrol the rooms like a perimeter
guard, listening for the sound of one of the cats jumping over the
gates, his signal to tear off in their general direction. This behavior
inspired one of his many nicknames: Officer Bosco.

His relentless pursuit of the cats and his propensity to
carry off, and sometimes chew on, various shoes left on the floor
resulted in the gates becoming a semi-permanent feature of the
downstairs blueprint. As I began to step over the gate, it dawned on me
that this leg lift was pure muscle memory.

I didn't need to step over the gate because the gate wasn't there anymore. Bosco wasn't here anymore.

Bosco became a part of the family in 2004, a present for
our daughter Isabelle's 10th birthday. My wife Melissa had been pressing
me about the possibility of getting a dog to teach our ADHD-challenged
daughter some responsibility, but I had been hesitant as I had just
discovered a rather virulent allergy to certain hound breeds. Melissa's
on-line research indicated that pugs, Yorkshire terriers, Welsh Corgis
and Boston terriers were relatively non-allergenic so, with slight
reservations on my part, she started the search for a dog.

After several missed opportunities and lack of follow-up
response, Melissa found a Boston terrier breeder in Kentucky who had two
males left from her last litter. She e-mailed Melissa photos of the
pair, which she printed out and brought home for Isabelle to inspect.
She gravitated toward one that was mismarked for a Boston; mostly white
with brindle spots and black around the eyes that made me think of Jonny
Quest's dog Bandit (not an actual mask but whatever). Isabelle noted
that he looked like a scoop of chocolate chip ice cream (we all have
different reference points), and so she chose him. At that point, Chip
was probably the leading contender for the dog's name.

A check was mailed out and arrangements were made to meet
at a rest stop halfway between our locations (several other prospective
owners were meeting her at the same spot). Just before the big day,
which by coincidence was Isabelle's actual birthday, Melissa and
Isabelle sat down to compose a list of possible puppy names. Chip was
high on the list, of course, as well as several others that seemed
fairly promising, but when they presented me with the choices, I reacted
to the very first thing Melissa had written down: Bosco.

For Melissa, it was simply a riff on the fact that he was a
Boston, and maybe it was a touchstone left over from our childhood days
(Bosco was a chocolate syrup back in the '50s and '60s, and remains
available today). But for me, it was a blast from my teenage past.

When I was a junior high school student in southern
Michigan, one of my favorite regional bands was Brownsville Station
(ultimately famous for their No. 3 hit single "Smokin' in the Boys
Room," covered in the mid-'80s to great effect by Motley Crue). Their
debut album, 1970's No BS (it was actually self-titled but came to be known as No BS
because of the graphic prominence of the phrase on the album's cartoon
cover), featured a song that became a fixation for my best friend Kevin
and me. It was a jumped-up little Rock number written by Brownsville's
guitarist/vocalist Cub Koda and vocalist/guitarist Michael Lutz and
titled "Do the Bosco."

At that point, albums were an expensive luxury and there
was no single release for "Do the Bosco," so it was left to Kevin and me
to monitor local Rock radio, armed with our ridiculously cheap cassette
recorders and a .39¢ tape (which was actually video tape cut to
cassette width), in an effort to capture our favorite song for
posterity. We finally did, but between the indistinct signal, the tinny
transistor speaker, the ambient room sound bleeding into the hand-held
microphone and the hiss of the cheap tape, it sounded like someone was
filling a blimp with a fire hose next to the radio.

But it didn't matter because it was the Bosco.

"That's it!" I shouted when I saw the name at the top of
the dog-names list. "He'll have his own theme song! How could we not
name him Bosco?"

My wife and daughter laughed at my rather animated
reaction to naming the dog, but I was convinced, running to the Bunker
to find my CD copy of No BS and cranking it up on the portable
player in the living room: “(Bosco) Because it's easy on your
feet/(Bosco) While you're walkin' down the street/(Bosco) Yeah, with
your radio on, the Bosco makes you feel alright."

We met with the breeder south of Erlanger and I tested any
possible allergic reaction by rubbing the puppy on my face. With the
assurance that I could see and breathe, we crated the newly christened
Bosco in our pet carrier and headed for home.

For the first few nights, we kept the carrier in our
bedroom. Bosco would cry occasionally, and for two nights I camped on
the floor next to his crate, leaving my hand in the open door so he
could snuggle up next to it. During the day, I brought him down to the
Bunker and let him sleep on my lap while I wrote.

Because I was home with him all day, he probably bonded
closer to me than with Melissa or Isabelle. And while Isabelle adored
him and gave him copious amounts of attention and love, the actual
mechanics of his care and feeding fell to Melissa and myself. We
realized within a few short weeks that it's not feasible to teach
responsibility to a child by way of a living thing. At least someone
learned something.

Three weeks after bringing Bosco home, Melissa found a
fairly new kitten abandoned by the roadside on her way to work. We were a
week away from going on vacation so we arranged for our neighbors to
take care of our elderly cat and the new arrival, which Isabelle named
Pansy, after her late grandmother's favorite flower.

We realized that we couldn't really leave Bosco home alone
in our neighbors' care so we decided we would take him on vacation with
us. We're not really travelers by any stretch of the imagination, and
while a certain part of me would love to see various locations around
the country, a bigger part of me knows that the stress of getting to a
place we've never been and the planning required would undermine the
restive benefits of the vacation. And so we rent the same cabin by the
same lake in northern Michigan every year, and have a lovely and
relaxing time doing something short of nothing.

The day before we left for vacation, Melissa was fired
from her job (via an answering machine message left by her gutless
employer). The relief of knowing she wouldn't be returning to that snake
pit allowed her to have the most relaxing vacation of her adult life.
And we all had a solid week paying very close attention to our new
addition.

Bosco was an absolute champ on the 10-hour trip to the
lake. We stopped and walked him constantly, he peed and drank, and then
hopped back into his crate in the back seat. And once we got to the
lake, Bosco loved everything about the experience; swimming in the
shallow water, romping in the grass, chasing squirrels and napping in
the sun. We kept a close eye on him because nature is fairly wild up
there; a pair of mating bald eagles have an aerie on the other side of
the lake, and naturalists have found pet collars in the nest so we were
careful to make sure Bosco didn't wind up on the menu.

In subsequent years, Bosco could sense the excitement
surrounding our imminent trip to Michigan and his excitement matched our
own. We had taught him the word "adventure" meant a car ride for him
and whenever the magic word was spoken, he immediately ran to the hook
on the kitchen wall where we hung his retractable leash and waited to be
collared and taken out. He was equally excited about "walkies," a word
we pulled from Wallace & Gromit's The Wrong Trousers, but
that was just a stroll down the walking path near our house. Bosco lived
for adventure, which could mean a trip to Sharon Woods or Winton Woods
or the vet's office or PetSmart, but he knew the time of year when that
the biggest adventure of all would be taking place.

Bosco loved french fries and ice cream, neither of which
were given to him in any great amount or with any substantial frequency.
On his regular trips to the vet, his weight was always in the
acceptable range for his age and relative size; we saw a Boston at
Sharon Woods one afternoon that looked like he needed a roller skate
under his belly to keep it from scraping the path. The Boss was always
trim and healthy.

“The Boss” was one of a number of nicknames we had for him. Mister B, Pee Pee Raymond (from an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond),
the Bosconator, Count Pupula, Bossy (he was marked like a cow; his
first vet held him up and said, "He's my first Holstein"), Francis Ford
Puppola, the aforementioned Officer Bosco. The obvious love and
affection we invested in each new and often incomprehensible deviation
of his actual name and beyond (Biddly Boy? Idder Bidder?) somehow let
him know we were referring to him and his ears shot skyward in
recognition to every stupid thing we called him.

For nine years, Bosco was our constant and brilliant
companion, an animal with a better code of loyalty and love and a more
defined sense of humor than a lot of human beings we encountered on a
daily basis. Bosco claimed the couch in the family room as his
combination bed and throne; he would drag pillows and blankets from end
to end as his canine caprices guided him, fluffing and kneading and
pulling until everything was in place and prepared for him to crawl
under and within, emerging only for food or a good cat chase or, of
course, any adventure.

Last year, Bosco's trim physique started taking on a more
portly appearance, which we initially passed off as our boy entering
into middle age. He had become slightly more sedentary, still interested
in walking the path but actively deciding when the walk was over; he
would simply turn around and head for home. Still, he seemed in good
spirits and health overall.

Last winter, we noticed a patch of dry skin on his back
that seemed to scab up and get flaky. When it started to spread, I took
him into the vet, who informed us that he had the symptomatic appearance
of a dog with Cushing's Syndrome, characterized by the dry patches,
distended belly, voracious thirst and hair loss on his legs and
elsewhere. The tests to confirm this diagnosis were wildly expensive and
we decided against them for the time being as his health didn't seem to
be compromised significantly and we were assured that dogs could
conceivably live with the disease for many years without adverse effect.

Last summer, I was checking e-mail on my laptop in the
Bunker when Isabelle ran down and said, "Something's wrong with Bosco,
Mom wants you to come up right now." When I got to the kitchen, I found
Melissa kneeling on the floor next to Bosco, who was in the midst of
some sort of seizure, tongue lolled to one side, legs stiff. I took
Melissa's place and started talking calmly to Bosco, petting him and
trying to soothe him. In a couple of minutes, he came around and didn't
seem any worse for the wear.

When he had a second episode a week later, I took him to a
different vet for a second opinion, which turned out to be twofold: A)
Bosco most likely did have Cushing's, and B) his seizures were not
connected to it. The cost at the new vet for tests was considerably less
so we went ahead and got the confirmation that he had Cushing's
Syndrome and then set about planning for how we would try to work out
the source of the seizures.

That's where it stood toward the end of last August when
Bosco suffered what I came to believe was a massive stroke. When his
seizure ceased, his personality was almost completely erased. He no
longer responded to his name, he was disinterested in any kind of
affection or attention, he was oblivious to the presence of the cats.
All he did was walk around the family room and kitchen in a shuffling
gait that seemed robotic and programmed. He only turned to the right,
and if he got under a chair or pushed his nose into a corner of the
room, he didn't seem to understand how to get out his predicament. He
would just cry.

The most alarming loss in his training concerned the
basement. As a pup, he seemed unaware that he could go down the stairs
to the basement. I had always carried him down when I took him to the
Bunker, and he somehow got it in his head that he couldn't go down any
other way. We went ahead and let him believe it because it gave the cats
a safe place where he wouldn't chase them. Even though he would run up
and down the stairs to our bedrooms without a thought (when we would
spring him from his baby gated rooms), he would not go down the basement
stairs.

With that part of his training seemingly vanished after
the second seizure, he was suddenly very curious about the basement. And
because he was a little shaky on his feet, once he started down the
steps, his momentum would be so great that he crashed into the wall at
the bottom of the staircase. We were terrified that he was going to
break his legs or his neck, so we closed the basement door, bringing the
cats' litter boxes upstairs so they wouldn't need to go downstairs.

He kept us awake most of the night after his stroke with
his thumping around and crying. Melissa went down and kept an eye on
him, and I took over during the day after she left for work. That night,
she was exhausted and so I camped out on the couch in the living room
with the hope that I could get him to lay down with me and that maybe
after a good night's rest, he might bounce back a little. There would be
no bounce back.

I got maybe two hours of sleep that night, the brief
amount of time that I got Bosco to lay down with me on the couch. The
rest of the time he wanted nothing more than to walk in his shambling
pattern around the two rooms. He constantly got tangled up under the
kitchen chairs or stuck behind the couch or caught in the cross braces
of the coffee table, all of which required me to extricate him.

All the time I was with him, I desperately tried to reach
him. I asked him if he wanted to go for walkies. Nothing. I tried to get
his medicine down him with food. He spit it out. Finally, I kept
chanting the mantra, "Do you want to go on an adventure?" I swore to
myself if I saw even a glimmer of recognition in his demeanor, I'd pack
him up in the car and take him for a ride, somewhere, anywhere, just to
reinforce his slight return. There was no recognition, just a dull and
lifeless look when I spoke to him.

At one point, I sat on the floor and called to him. He
walked over to me, which seemed like a hopeful development, and he
pushed his head into my stomach, a move that used to signal he wanted to
be petted. But I quickly realized he wasn't looking for affection, he
was just trying to push his way through me, a giant fleshy obstruction
that was keeping him from his appointed rounds.

Melissa came home for lunch the next day, and asked how
Bosco was doing. I tried to recount the day's events as rationally as
possible but the long night and the inevitability of all that I had
witnessed came welling up. I said, "He's just not in there anymore," and
broke down.

We packed up our beloved boy and drove him to vet for that
last awful time. She gave him the sedative to calm him down and we
spent a good half hour petting him and telling him everything would be
fine, and as emotional as we all were, Isabelle provided perhaps the
most poignant and heartbreaking observation of the day.

In second grade, Isabelle received her ADHD diagnosis, and
the severity of her developmental challenges often separated her from
her peer group. Kids at school and in the neighborhood would accept her
for a while but ultimately decide she was too different or weird and
give up on her. She did eventually make some good friends within her
Individualized Education Program, but it was a long time coming and not
before a considerable amount of loneliness and angst.

As Isabelle stood scratching his ears and gently stroking his face, she looked at us and said, "Bosco was my first friend."

In that beautiful, terrible moment, we knew that bringing
this 15-pound bundle of energy and incalculable jaw strength into our
lives nine years ago had been exactly the right thing to do, no matter
how difficult the end game was proving to be. Because he was the Bosco.
And the Bosco makes you feel all right. Did he ever.

]]>It's no coincidence that Sept. 22 marks both the beginning of fall and the first day of the ninth annual Great Outdoor Weekend in Cincinnati. The best time to enjoy the outdoors is autumn — when there's crunching leaves beneath your feet and a cool gust of wind at your back.

An initiative of Green Umbrella, the Great Outdoor Weekend is this Saturday and Sunday. Hundreds of Cincinnati parks celebrate nature with more than 120 free events that are open to the public. Whether you are taking your dog out for a stroll around the neighborhood, planning a hiking trip to a local park you don't often frequent, or taking a camping trip, there's no better time than this weekend to take an outdoor adventure.

It was in the car ride home from the Cincinnati Nature Center in Milford on a crisp morning that my mini autumn adventure hit me. My mom and I were discussing the 20+ miles of trails that the nature center offers, the deer and changing leaves we saw while hiking, and how good we felt after getting some exercise in the fresh air. Somewhere in between our excitement about what we just did, and dreaming about what we could do if we didn't have real life responsibilities, we decided we would explore a different park in Cincinnati each day for three days.

The first day at the Cincinnati Nature Center inspired our outdoor adventure and our next stop confirmed it. Devou Park is most famous for it's picture-perfect view of Cincinnati. On any given day, you might see a professional and his camera atop the hill taking a photo of the skyline, a couple picnicking or perhaps a duo that was just wed. The park is definitely known for it's view, but did you know it has several miles of hiking and mountain biking trails too? It wasn't hard for me to get lost underneath the canopy of trees and forget that I was less than five miles from downtown Cincinnati.

On the third day, a wander in the woods even led me to brush up on some history. Unexpected, but true. We visited the Johnson Nature Preserve which was built just outside downtown Montgomery after the 1999 tornado. In an attempt to preserve an urban forest after the destruction, the nature preserve is now a short nature trail, a place of biology study, and also a tribute to the tornado. This hike was the shortest one, but after getting so involved with the stories about the history of the area and the plans for the future, we ended up hiking it twice because we didn't want to miss anything.

Does all of this outdoorsy talk have you searching for your old hiking boots yet? You're not the only one. Hundreds of people, rookies and seasoned outdoorsmen alike, are marking their calendars for the Great Outdoor Weekend. Before you set off into the wilderness, you could attend a seminar that will make you trail ready. Learn where to set camp, how to pack, and what to eat on your next trip by attending a Great Outdoors seminar and overnight with Roads Rivers and Trails.

With great weather in the forecast, there's no reason not to dust off those boots, find a hiking stick, and go get wanderlust in some of Cincinnati's beautiful parks. For more information on the Great Outdoor Weekend, go here. The parks I explored are only a few of the many places to see in the area. So, go on, take a break from your normal routine and plan a day or two to get a little dirty in the woods this weekend.

]]>May is an awesome month for so many reasons. It's Bike Month, the sun's out, the mangoes are getting better and sundresses are officially acceptable attire.

Most importantly, perhaps, the whole month of May is "Zoo Babies" month at the Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Garden. And as much fun as it is to unproductively scroll through photos of cute fuzzy things at your computer before you start your day at work, there's something so, so much better about seeing them in person.

The Zoo Babies exhibit runs until May 31. Looking for the babies? Follow the six-foot-tall pink and blue stork statues around the zoo. A sample of some of the most coo-worthy babies to see this month:

It's a bit harder to get excited about anything unfuzzy, including the "baby" Australian walking sticks, Malayan Leaf katydids, Emperor scorpions, Giant Spiny Leaf Insects, East African Whip scorpions or the Hissing Cockroaches. But it's worth a try. Click here for a complete list of the babies part of this year's 26th annual Zoo Babies exhibit. Please? Bogart is begging you.

Thanks to the Contemporary Arts Center's current music video exhibition, Spectacle, a number of talented musicians, artists and directors have flocked to Cincinnati during the past two months to perform and discuss the power of music videos in our culture. Tonight, director Vincent Morisset stops by to screen Inni, his powerful black-and-white film about Icelandic Pop Rock group Sigur Rós. Morisset will then discuss his work with Sigur Rós and Arcade Fire and take questions. The event begins at 6:30 — come early to check out the Spectacle exhibit if you haven't yet. The screening and talk are free for members, $7.50 museum admission for non-members.

It's Final Friday and last year's popular monthly OTR Skate is back! Don your best hot pants and tube socks and roll over to the OTR Recreation Center for a night of old-school fun with a hip twist. Bust a move on the rink to the music of Automagik and You, You're Awesome. Admission is just $5 (skate rental included) and goes to the Rec Center to provide youth programs and scholarships for area kids. Enjoy free Vitamin Water and classic game room attractions like air hockey and foosball. Been a decade or two since you last laced up those skates? Cincinnati Rollergirls will be on hand for some pro tips. The fun begins at 8 p.m.

Northside's Building Value presents its third annual ReUse-apalooza tonight from 7-11 p.m. Learn about how the nonprofit reuses materials and what you can do to promote sustainable building practices. Music will be provided by Messerly and Ewing and there will be a silent auction featuring Building Value projects. Tickets are $20, $50 VIP. After the benefit, head over to Northside Tavern for a free after-party.

If you've checked out our cover story this week, you know about the steampunk movement that's taken flight locally. What started as a literary genre that mixes Victorian history with futuristic fantasy elements a la Jules Verne is know an underground culture with its own music, art, costuming and performance aspects. This weekend marks the first Steampunk Symposium at Tri-County's Atrium Hotel. While weekend passes are sold-out, Saturday one-day tickets will be available at the door for $20. Whether you're a diehard steampunk or just curious about the movement, this quirky event has something for everyone. Saturday's schedule includes various steampunk bands and authors, a midnight masquerade, workshops, fashion shows, a mustache parade, verbal dueling (a battle of wits) and dozens of other activities. Various events run from 10 a.m. until around 2 a.m. Read more about the culture and find a Saturday lineup here.

May is Bike Month and the Main Library downtown kicks off the cycling celebration Saturday with a bike expo. Check out various bicycle exhibits, meet organizers from groups like MoBo Bicycle Coop, Queen City Bike and League of American Bicyclists and meet Bobbi Montgomery, author of Across America by Bicycle. Get all the information you need to become a regular cyclist about town. The expo runs from 2-4 p.m. Go here for more details.

The Cincinnati Opera will perform the highly anticipated Southern-inspired George Gershwin hit Porgy and Bess in June, but you don't have to wait until summer to get in on the excitement. Saturday's Opera Gala, "A Hot Night in Charleston" will transport Duke Energy Convention Center's Grand Ballroom into the Pametto State with soul food, cocktails, music and dancing. After you've had your fill of Southern-style eats, stick around for the after-party, "Late Night in Charleston." Being a benefit for the Opera, tickets for the Gala are pretty steep ($250, $175 for first-timers); If you're on a budget, consider coming for the after-party, which runs from 10 p.m.-1 a.m. — tickets are $30 in advance, $40 at the door. Cocktails and hors d'oeuvres will begin being serves at 6:30 p.m.

Add a little cuteness to your weekend with the Ohio Alleycat Resource & Spay/Neuter Clinic open house Sunday. The facility has been yarn bombed by the Cincinnati BombShells to welcome new cats ready for adoption. If you're looking for a new cuddle buddy, consider adopting one of OAR's rescue kitties at the event. The free open house runs 1-4 p.m. Go here for more details, directions and more info on donations and volunteer opportunities.

]]>Tonight our sister publication A-Line Magazine hosts The Pet Event at Red Dog Pet Resort and Spa. If you fell in love with A-Line's April Pet Issue and all the adorable critters inside, tonight's your chance to meet them! The winners of A-Line's cute pet contest will be around, along with Louise Labrie of Nationwide, who's offering pet insurance quotes. For every quote given, Nationwide will donate $10 to the Cincinnati SPCA. Bring your leashed dog and check out the amazing facility while enjoying cocktails and hors d'oeuvres from 5-8 p.m. Find directions and more info here.

Add a little français to your Thursday with Cincinnati Symphony's French Connection concert. Enjoy works of three French composers, performed by French pianist Jean-Yves Thibaudet, led by French conductor Stéphane Denève. Tickets for tonight's 7:30 p.m. show at Music Hall start at just $10 — c'est bon marché! The show continues Saturday and Sunday. Go here for tickets and performance details.

Comedian Nick Griffin kicks off his four-night run at Go Bananas tonight at 8 p.m. The Kansas native has been doing stand up for more than two decades. You may have seen him on late-night shows like Letterman and Conan, or on Comedy Central. Check out his latest comedy album, Shot in the Face on iTunes. Tickets to tonight's set are $10, $4 with college or military ID.

Cincinnati Zoo's Tunes and Blooms series continues tonight with Magnolia Mountain and Comet Bluegrass All Stars. This free concert offers excellent local bands in the beautiful setting of the zoo's gardens. The concert runs 6-8:30 p.m.; admission to the zoo is free after 5 p.m. (parking is $8). Tunes and Blooms continues every Thursday this month.

Tonight downtown drinkery Shooter's hosts its weekly western-themed night, Young Buck Thursdays. Get down with dance music, a Flashbox photo booth and $2 pink pony shots all night long. Mosey on down to the watering hole starting at 10 p.m. Find details here.

Go here for tonight's live music lineup and check out our To Do page for more arts and theater events tonight.

]]>

HBO's new drama Luck, which we featured on our TV column last month, has been cancelled. The show, which follows the events at Santa Anita Park and the trainers, jockeys and gamblers who spend their days at the track, has halted production of its second season after the death of a third horse.

The show has faced criticism about its harm of animals from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) and the American Humane Association. PETA had called on Luck producers to use stock racing footage rather than risk injury to the horses during filming.

HBO released the following statement:

"It is with heartbreak that executive producers David Milch and Michael Mann together with HBO have decided to cease all future production on the series 'Luck'.

Safety is always of paramount concern. We maintained the highest safety standards throughout production, higher in fact than any protocols existing in horseracing anywhere with many fewer incidents than occur in racing or than befall horses normally in barns at night or pastures. While we maintained the highest safety standards possible, accidents unfortunately happen and it is impossible to guarantee they won't in the future. Accordingly, we have reached this difficult decision.

We are immensely proud of this series, the writing, the acting, the filmmaking, the celebration of the culture of horses, and everyone involved in its creation."

Michael Mann and David Milch said, "The two of us loved this series, loved the cast, crew and writers. This has been a tremendous collaboration and one that we plan to continue in the future.'"

The show, which I'm surprised has gotten low ratings and minimal viewing response, is a tense, gritty look at gambling and the world of horse racing. The scenes of actual horse racing are beautiful and consuming. Unfortunately, producers couldn't reenact such intense scenes without accidents and injuries, which justifiably led to this decision. It's too bad that a show meant to celebrate the animals won't be able to continue.

Luck will continue to air its first and only season, at 9 p.m. Sundays. There are two episodes remaining, with the series finale on March 25.

]]>One year ago today, the home of Shannon DeBra, founder of the all-foster rescue Recycled Doggies, caught on fire. Thirteen dogs and one cat died as a result, and Recycled Doggies faced a tremendous setback. Tonight, on the tragedy's anniversary, animal lovers everywhere are invited to attend a benefit, give what you can and support the organization and all its foster families and volunteers. Head over to Star Lanes at the Levee for a silent auction, raffles, happy hour specials and, of course, plenty of bowling fun. Go here to RSVP to the event, which runs from 5:30-8:30 p.m.

CANstruction kicked off today, with teams building artistic creations made entirely out of canned goods. Stop by the Weston Gallery to see their progress and drop off canned goods of your own. All donations, and all cans used to build the artwork, will go to the Freestore Foodbank.

Crazy! Cool. No, I'm not talking about TLC's 1994 album, I'm talkin' 'bout West Side
Story. The Bernstein and Sondheim hit is alive and well 55 years after
its debut on Broadway. The Jets and Sharks put any Crosstown Shootout
rivalries to shame, and in this revived version, audiences can expect a
grittier tale with more Hispanic influence. The classic runs at the
Aronoff Center through March 11. Find details here.

Every Tuesday is Writer's Night at MOTR Pub. Songwriters, poets, spoken word artists — anyone with original work is welcome to share. Sign ups open at 8:30 p.m. and $40 goes to a special winner each week. Lucas of The Dukes Are Dead hosts. Enjoy a beer, a BLT and great company.

Honey in Northside offers a $10 comfort food menu every Tuesday. Choose from homestyle favorites like fish and chips, meatloaf and mashed potatoes, chicken stew with dumplings and more. It's a great chance to try the local spot if you've never been and you're on a budget. Peep our full review of Honey here.

Check out our To Do page for tons of recommended art shows open today.

]]>Thanks
to Facebook friends with good taste, my mom's stream of animal photo chain
emails and my voracious appetite for gossip and craft blogs, I'm constantly
exposed to some of the greatest items from the far-reaching corners of the internet. Here's what I just can't get enough of this week.

"Bad
Girls"

OK,
so M.I.A.'s video for "Bad Girls" came out a couple weeks ago, and
despite looping it for hours on end since then, I cannot get enough of it. It's
one of those tunes that makes me want to dance in public even without a (few)
cocktails in my system. With a penchant for controversy, the video (filmed in
Morocco) depicts what seem to be Middle Eastern women in
traditional-yet-pimped-out garb racing cars in the desert and dancing to music
with strong, sexual, pro-femme lyrics.

Though it’s been said that the political
standpoints M.I.A. makes in her music contradict her lifestyle,
or sometimes don't even make sense, the “Paper Planes” singer is the queen of juxtaposition when
it comes to her videos. It's also important to note that “Bad
Girls” comes during a time when women in Saudi Arabia are banned from driving.
So whatever her intended/implied/confusing statements may be, this video is a
pretty hot way to say “F that.”

The
mega-fest’s initial lineup was released last week, boasting headliners like Radiohead, Red Hot Chili Peppers,
Phish and The Beach Boys. Every year I go back and forth on my
decision to go: Can I afford the ticket plus all the cash and supplies that go
into surviving there (screw anyone who says you just need water and a sleeping
bag)? Can my poor Irish skin bear four days in the blazing sun? What if next
year’s lineup is even better? I still haven’t quite decided, but 2012’s lineup
looks good to me for less-than-obvious reasons.

Ben
Folds Five — As in, the original trio reuniting. One of my all time favorite
bands. I’d die. The
Roots — I’ve been a fan of the crew since I first heard “The Seed (2.0)” when I
was in eighth grade. And their day job as house band for Late Night with Jimmy
Fallon has only solidified my love.Ludacris
— Not ashamed.

Of
course there’s also this year’s #whoarethey Grammy winners, Bon Iver, Donald
Glover’s alter-ego Childish Gambino, The Shins, jam band supreme Umphrey’s
McGee and dozens more. Aziz Ansari (Parks
and Rec, Funny People) is even
confirmed to perform, though the rest of the comedy lineup is yet to be
announced. It turns out most people go to ‘roo for music, but I will nerdily
admit as a comedy fangirl, the stand-up tent was one of my favorite (and most
air-conditioned) experiences during my trip to the fest in 2010. Ansari also
appeared that year and Conan O’Brien, fresh off his firing from NBC, headlined.

Taxidermy
Art

A
friend on Facebook recently posted a link to Hi-Fructose Magazine’s blog, a page covered in creepy-cute
taxidermy art. Netherlands-based art partners (artners?) Les Deux Garçons
create whimsical pieces in which real taxidermied animals are embellished with
knick knacks, toys and lush decorative ribbons. If that weren’t enough, many
the animals are dual-headed conjoined mammals, or are transformed into unicorn-esque
creatures with crazy horns. These (ethically-obtained) animals are transformed
into their own art form that carefully walks the line between beautiful and
grotesque. Observe:

Arianna
Huffington

The
media queen came to town Feb. 22 to speak as a part of the SmartTalk
ConnectedConversations series, and boy, do I have a crush on her. She spoke (in
a sexy Greek accent, BTW) on becoming fearless in love, work and life,
providing many hilarious and interesting personal anecdotes along the way.
Advice she gave included getting more sleep, turning off that negative voice,
or “obnoxious roommate” in our heads and the importance of finding a “tribe” of
friends we can all relate to and depend on. Fun Fact: She launched The
Huffington Post in her fifties, thanks to help of a $100,000 loan from her
tribe-mate Laurie David (former wife of Seinfeld/Curb Your Enthusiasm’s Larry
David). Pretty inspirational. She ended the evening answering audience
questions with Channel 12’s Cammy Dierking, who clearly also has a bit of a
girl-crush on Huffington, and who nearly made me wet myself when she used the
phrase “That’d go over like a turd in a punch bowl.” It was truly a fun
femme-fest.

Sleigh
Bells on SNL

Despite
my undying love for Saturday Night Live, even I can’t deny the amount of
lackluster musical performances on the show. Granted, it is one of the few
“really live” shows left, details often aren’t finalized until the last minute, sound is often off and
the tiny stage isn’t ideal, but who could forget Ashlee Simpson’s
career-killing disaster on the show? This year, it’s all about hating on Indie
songstress/mannequin Lana Del Rey’s performance. Personally, I don’t think the
performance warranted such a backlash, but judge both for yourself.
And check out SNL’s hilarious response to Lana-gate (with Kristen Wigg as LDR)
here.

Thankfully,
Noise Pop duo (now touring with a third musician) Sleigh Bells killed it on last week’s episode. I wasn’t expecting
the live TV format to do them justice, but they sounded great and were
entertaining despite a nearly naked stage.

]]>Anyone who knows me well will tell you that I’m an avid
dog-lover. I’ve owned dogs from the time I was a young teen, and I’ve loved
every moment of it. There’s something about our canine companions that just
warms my heart. Their wagging tails, their wet noses, the way they’re always
happy to see you when you come home ... I just love them.

Unfortunately, it seems like not all people in this world
share the same passion for dogs that I do. Hundreds upon thousands of dogs are
abandoned each year and end up either dead or in shelters, and many more suffer
at the hands of neglectful or abusive owners. Fortunately, we have
organizations such as the SPCA around to speak out and help these animals.
However, it’s recently come to my attention that not all shelters treat certain
breeds of dogs the same.---

As an animal lover, I watch Animal Planet a lot. Two of my
favorite shows are their series Pit Boss
and Pit Bulls and Parolees, both
shows focusing on various groups dedicated to rescuing and saving American Pit
Bull Terriers, one of the country’s most misunderstood dog breeds. I’ve heard
it mentioned several times in both shows that animal control shelters will not
hold Pit Bulls for more than three days before euthanizing them to make room
for other rescued dogs.

It struck me as both cruel and unnecessary. It seemed unfair
that these dogs weren’t even given a fair chance at adoption simply because of
the negative attention the mass media seems to give them.

Yes, I realize Pit Bulls are commonly used in dog fighting
rings, and that fighting dogs are highly aggressive and dangerous. However it
isn’t the breed’s fault. It’s the fault of the abusive and neglectful owners,
not the dogs themselves. It’s been proven time and time again that when
properly trained and socialized, Pit Bulls make excellent pets and are actually
amongst the most human-friendly breeds around.

The SPCA Cincinnati didn’t respond to my requests for
information, so I did a bit of digging on my own. I was surprised to learn that
it’s illegal to even own a Pit Bull within Hamilton County. In 2003, a city-wide
ban was placed on the breed. Only Pit Bulls officially registered before the
ban are allowed to remain within city limits, and even then owners must
re-register their license on an annual basis.

Buy why are Pit Bulls classified as dangerous dogs in the
first place? Surely dog fighting rings are partially to blame, however there is
another reason I’ve seen being argued here and there. People claim that Pit Bulls,
unlike other dog breeds, are capable of locking their jaws. This, however, is a
myth. While Pit Bulls do have extraordinary jaw strength, there is no evidence
to suggest that their jaws have a locking mechanism. Dr. I. I. Lerh Brisbin, a
researcher from the University of Georgia wrote on the subject: “The few studies which have
been conducted of the structure of the skulls, mandibles and teeth of Pit Bulls
show that, in proportion to their size, their jaw structure…is no different
than that of any [other] breed of dog. There is absolutely no evidence for the
existence of any kind of 'locking mechanism' unique to the structure of the jaw
and/or teeth of the American Pit Bull Terrier.” There you have it. Myth busted.

And
yet the ban has yet to be repealed — if anything, things have just gotten worse
since 2003. According to the KC Dog Blog, an web journal dedicated to following
animal welfare issues, in 2007 more than 1,000 pit bulls were euthanized in shelters
within Cincinnati, and an estimated $86,000 were spent prosecuting Pit Bull
owners who had their dogs taken from their homes for being illegal.

In
2008 an additional law was passed, allowing police officers to undergo training
to “identify” Pit Bulls and Pit Bull mixes. The problem is many of the dogs
taken in were misidentified as Pit Bulls. One such case resulted in a woman
suing the SPCA after her American bulldog was taken from her and killed after
being mistaken as a Pit.

It’s
outrageous to say the least. We’re wasting time and money punishing the
responsible dog owners when what we really should be doing is going after the
people who illegally train and breed these dogs to fight. And in the end it’s
not only the owners that suffer, but their pets as well — pets that are taken
and killed simply because they are a specific breed, pets which may have had no
history of violence or viciousness towards humans or other animals, and yet
were still killed just because the law classifies them as “vicious dogs.”

Fortunately,
not everything is looking grim for pit bull lovers in Cincinnati. In 2011 Ohio
legislators passed a bill the changed the way the state classifies Pit Bulls.
Before, Pits were automatically classified by state law as “vicious” dogs,
regardless of the behavior an individual dog might have exhibited. However, now
that it has passed, the bill has made the term “vicious” or “dangerous dog”
non-breed specific. While this hasn’t overturned the ban in Cincinnati, it’s
certainly good news for Pit Bulls, as now an individual dog must be tested and
proven vicious before state law can label it as such.

Now
all we have to do is convince Cincinnati lawmakers to repeal the ban. It’s not
going to be easy, however. Unfortunately the media still has a habit of
portraying Pit Bulls as vicious dogs, and the city ordinance of Cincinnati
still classifies them as such despite state law. It’s an uphill battle, but ask
any responsible owner who has had the pleasure of having a Pit as a pet and
they’ll all tell you the same thing. They’re wonderful dogs when placed in the
right home. All you have to do is give them a chance.

]]>It's two weeks until Valentine's Day, and we've got a few suggestions on how to celebrate.

To women, nothing says ‘I Love You’ quite like a big, fat cockroach
on Valentine’s Day. That's right, for just $10,
you can name a special bug living at the Bronx Zoo after your sweetie -
because like love, a cockroach is indestructible.---

You may not have someone to christen a bug for in the
name of love, but don’t be sad: The Boyfriend Pillow is up for grabs, just $29. He will dry your tears and listen to your
struggles while snuggling you to sleep on that special night. Plus, he won’t
snore or have dragon breath in the a.m. And you don’t need to buy him a gift.

If you don’t get your kicks from pillows, get your (real) dude
achocolate-themed Mercedes this year. The smart car runs at about $28,000 - it isn't made out of chocolate,
unfortunately, but it’s the next best thing.

Want to make coworkers jealous, but can’t budget a Mercedes?
Keep it classy and send roses by the dozen to your significant other’s workplace (or to yourself - no judgement). Adrian
Durban Floral arrangements
start at $34.95. Caution: green sparks of envy may fly.

For those who dislike the cards, cockroaches and
candies, why not occupy Valentine’s Day?Vent with the 99
percent of other Americans (who are also too broke to afford chocolate
cars) about why the holiday ticks you off.

A family from Canada recently welcomed their 100th
grandchild to the family. It is alleged that the children each receive a $1
gift card to the Planned Parenthood gift shop from the grans each Christmas.

Gucci Mane and V-Nasty released an album called Baytl. People are
calling it the worst hip-hop collaboration since Snoop Dogg
teamed up with astronaut Buzz Aldrin to drop “Rocket
Experience.”---

When Cee-Lo covered John Lennon’s
“Imagine” on New Year’s Eve he changed a few words around. Well, Lennon fans
went absolutely ape shit about the whole thing and Cee-Lo
responded via tweets that have been since been removed.

“Yo I meant no disrespect by
changing the lyric guys! I was trying to say a world were u could believe what
u wanted that’s all,” the 7Up endorser said.

B.o.B yesterday announced the
release date for his second album, Strange
Clouds. The sophomore effort, which will feature Lil Wayne, will drop March 13.

Elton John says that Justin Timberlake is his No. 1 pick to portray him in an upcoming biopic about the “Yellow
Brick Road” star’s career. Timberlake previously played John in a video for
“This Train Don't Stop There Anymore.”

Swordsman Bob Anderson has died at the age of 89. Anderson
previously staged fights for two of the three original Star Wars films as well as the Lord
of the Rings series.

Kicking off the weekend is for algernon, performing with The Minor Leagues at Northside Tavern tonight. Read our interview with the guys here.

Northside continues to live up to its reputation as an arts and culture mecca as the Factory Square Fine Arts Festival takes over the American Can Lofts space Saturday and Sunday. Browse mini art galleries in shipping containers, enjoy live music and get your shop on when The City Flea makes an encore appearance (Saturday only).

Books by the Banks returns to Duke Energy Center Saturday, bringing more than 100 local, regional and national authors to the city. Listen in on lectures, buy books for readers young and old and meet some excellent writers. Go here to read our interview with featured author Dennis Lehane and get BBTB details.

Everyone loves dressing up for Halloween, even pets, right?

RIGHT?!

Pimp out your pooch and show him off at MainStrasse's Paw-rade Sunday. This year's theme is works of art and famous artists, so strap on a beret, grab your palate and turn your pup into a masterpiece! Lucy, the mayor of Rabbit Hash, is the Paw-rade's Grand Marshall and awards will be given for best original, store-bought (eye-roll) and themed costumes. Show-dog moms and dads can get more info here.

For those who just can't wait until next weekend for Halloween fun, there are plenty of events, terrifying attractions, family-friendly activities and more happening right now. Read ScaryBeat for all kinds of event listings, haunted house reviews and even a locally-inspired scary story.

For all our To Do picks, visit our new CityBeat Recommends page. It's back! There you'll find art openings, theater shows, comedy acts and more to do this weekend and beyond…unless the (re-scheduled) rapture really happens today. Wah wah.

]]>

Broken
Social Scene is on indefinite hiatus. Band leader Kevin Drew told The
Huffington Post,
"This is the healthiest thing we can do. There's no bad blood,
no problems, everyone is at peace. We've had a lot of
inter-relationships, some have worked, some haven't. But we all loved
what we were doing. And I think we we're always fair."

A
four-year-old black Labrador Eira in Sweden escaped her kennel after
a day alone with her new owner and hopped a train back to her old
digs. Eira was almost home before being detained by the train station
staff. "If she hadn't been detained she would probably have been
waiting for me by the door," said her former owner.

]]>

Still kicking yourself over missing all the Twilight action during July's Comic-Con International in San Diego?

Well fear not, fanpires, because the Official Twilight Convention is coming to Cincinnati!

Whether you're Team Edward or Team Jacob (Spoiler Alert: neither of them will be there), The Hyatt Regency Downtown is the spot to be Saturday and Sunday for all hardcore Twilight fans. The weekend will include contests, web panels, auctions, music, parties and costumes on mannequins.

OK, honestly, I've never seen more than a preview for Twilight, so I'm not going to rage about how bad it sucks (see what I did there?) and how cray-cray the fans are. But I must say, the fan photos aren't making a good case for Twi-hards.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Exhibit C:

But, seriously, I guess it's cool that these actors will stand around rabidly crazy fans barreling full-speed toward puberty us normal people for a weekend. Apparently these stars will even allow fans to hug:

kiss:

and make complete asses of them:

The convention runs all day and night Saturday and Sunday starting around 11 a.m. Day passes are $20 and weekend packages run from $39-$219. Autographs, photos, breathing the same air as Peter Facinelli, etc. all are an additional cost. Go here to get the full schedule and ticket info for the convention. And full disclosure, if this was a True Blood convention with supporting characters from the show, I'd be frothing at the mouth like the rest of these crazy bitches.

]]>

Going to the zoo isn't just for kids (though there always a million of them there). Whether you are a child, have 'em or hate 'em this weekend is perfect for a trip to the Cincinnati Zoo & Botanical Gardens. Friday-Sunday are Visitor Appreciation Days at the zoo, which means half price admission and parking for everyone! If you need any more reason to visit, there are tons of new exhibits like Night Hunters, African Savannah, Go Green Garden and more. Go here for special prices, hours and directions.

Craftmasters takes over Mainstay Rock Bar Saturday, offering up 10 local bands and 10 $4 craft beers all night long. Get down with Lions Rampant, Frankl Project, Eat Sugar and more as you sip tasty brews like Stone IPA, Weihenstephaner Hefe Weissbier and Two Brothers Dog Days Dortmunder Lager. Music starts at 7 p.m. with bands on two stages. Five bucks gets you in the door. Get the whole lineup here.

Worried no event will satiate your hunger this weekend? For-goetta-bout it! Glier's annual Goettafest is back with enough pork and oats to satisfy even the hungriest of visitors. Enjoy classics like goetta omelets, goetta burgers and goetta dogs or go crazy with goetta sushi, goetta brownies and goetta eggrolls. As always, there will be plenty of live music, games and rides to keep everyone happy (but wait 30 minutes after eating before going on The Scrambler. Goetta's even less pretty coming up.). The festival runs Friday-Sunday at Newport on the Levee. Go here for festival hours and parking information.

Cincy Blues Fest is one of largest volunteer-run Blues festivals in the world. Celebrate the music and the hard work Friday and Saturday at Sawyer Point. Besides checking out local, regional and national Blues acts, Mike Breen has come up with 19 reasons this is a can't-miss event. Go here to read 'em all.

The Cincinnati Art Museum makes so many fantastic works of art accessible to visitors. This Sunday, you can get an even more in-depth look at one artist's life during its Reel Art film series. Filmmaker Ellen Weissbrod's documentary A Woman Like That focuses on the life of Artemisia Gentileschi, a 17th century Italian woman who pursued art during a period when female artists faced much prejudice. Learn about this important Baroque-era artist and meet Weissbrod and co-filmmaker Melissa Powell at a Q&A session following the screening. Go here for ticket information and screening time.

As always, there are many more events, concerts, gallery exhibits and theater shows going on this weekend. Go here to see 'em all. Got a kick-ass event that should be on everyone's To Do list? E-mail arts and event listings to calendar@citybeat.com at least two weeks in advance.

]]>

Feather hair extensions are one of the trendiest fashion accessories right now (I say this knowing that Cincy's always a little behind the times on all things stylish). Celebrities from Ke$ha to Steven Tyler to Roseanne Barr have been rockin' the look, which may sound like a deterrent, but now these birdy little weaves are everywhere. Even on dogs.---

I'm not smiling. I'm begging for help.

Local salons have offered the service for a few months now, with individual feathers running around $10-$30 a pop. Some people love 'em, some hate 'em, but one thing's for sure - you can't walk into a Northside bar without seeing at least one feathery chick (see what I did there).

I've been on the fence about these. When I first saw locals with the extensions, I loved the Pocahontas-meets-The Lost Boys look. It seemed like a cute, inexpensive, won't-ruin-your-hair way to add a funky shot of color without looking like you're wearing a cheap clip-in extension from Claire's. They're cute, but once I really started seeing them everywhere, my interest fizzled.

Like feathers you see on clothing, jewelry and in craft stores, many of these extensions are brightly colored with funky markings, which leads most people (myself included) to believe they never came from an actual animal. More often than not, this isn't the case. If you're able to blow dry, curl and flat iron your feathers, they came from an animal. Synthetic feathers would burn or melt from that heat.

Feathers used for these extensions and most crafty/fashion-related purposes usually did not just fall out of a bird naturally. What people really have snapped in their hair are from roosters' bottoms, called saddle feathers. These roosters are usually plucked while still alive and often die afterwards (if not, they are euthanized).

It's a sad fact, and the history behind this process is even more odd. Certain roosters have been bred to have long saddle feathers, a favorable trait that came about from fishermen. These long feathers are actually the same ones favored by fly fishers for their lures (some salons even get their feathers from outdoors/fishing stores). Now that there's a huge demand for these feathers, prices are skyrocketing while more and more roosters are being killed.

Whether you're a vegetarian, a feather-extension lover, an animal rights advocate or just a conscientious shopper, it's important to be aware of the impact of your actions. If you want to get featherized, ask your stylist where they get their supplies and encourage them to go synthetic. Go here to read more about how you can help and here to to order vegan "feather" extensions you can apply yourself.

]]>

We're just two months away from the highly anticipated MidPoint Music Festival and the free MidPoint Indie Summer Series is still rockin' on. Stop by Fountain Square Friday for a taste of quality music you can expect at the September fest. This week's line up features a superb spread of local talent. Alternative Folk crew The Western kicks off the show at 7 p.m., followed by Garage Rockers The Prohibitionists at 8:15 p.m. July for Kings headlines the show at 9:30 p.m., bringing their quirky Rock & Roll sound. Check out a past interview with her crew here. For tickets, lineups and all the latest updates on MPMF, follow them on Facebook. ---

Bike Month might have passed (though no one's forgotten our now-famous cover), but we still think riding, supporting and looking at bikes is pretty cool. Watch all kinds of crazy tricks as well as contests, a motorcycle meet, car show and more during the BMX Bash at Big Ed's House of Rock in Amelia Saturday afternoon. Go here for directions and more info.

Saturday brings tons of music-y goodness to Greater Cincinnati. Local Indie Rock group The Sweep celebrates the release of its new album at MOTR Pub, while Brian Olive (of Greenhornes and Soledad Brothers fame) hosts a release party for his latest solo effort at Southgate House. Check out Mike Breen's Spill It column for all the details on both shows.

What do tractor pulls, funnel cakes and sheep have to do with you? Probably nothing, but even city folk can enjoy one of the first fairs of the season - The 161st Annual Butler County Fair. Open daily Sunday through July 30, visitors can enjoy live music, cornhole tournaments, crafts and animal shows. Don't think a livestock competition could be entertaining? We beg to differ. Haven't you ever seen Toddlers & Tiaras? Barnyard pageant parents can't be much different. So grab a be- soda (apparently booze is a no-go at this event) and watch those stage moms go wild! Plus, no girl can turn down a man who can give her a ride on The Scrambler and win her a ridiculously over-sized Tweety Bird. Just sayin'. Find ticket information and location details here.

Sometimes cooling down with a film in a nice air-conditioned movie theater sounds just right during the summer. But the next thing you know, you've been suckered into buying an IMAX ticket for an extra $10 and you're sharing a theater with a couple dozen daycare kids - all to see goddam Transformers 3. The Carnegie in Covington's got your remedy. "Summer Sorts: Nine Nation Animation" features adult-oriented animated shorts from all around the world. For just $8 (or $10 at the door), you'll get to see nine films, without the worry of grimy Keds kicking the back of your seat. Go here to read about the different films.

There's even more to do this weekend and beyond! Check out our full recommendations here.

]]>

I like to think of myself as a pretty normal person, perfectly capable of interacting with a variety of other humans. I watch bad television and sometimes shop at Wal-Mart, yet I enjoy ethnic food and DIY projects. MFin' renaissance woman. But sometimes, despite a breadth of interests and activities, I cannot deal with people. Enter the Cincinnati Zoo.

This Sunday, instead of burying my head under a pillow until 1 p.m., the boyfriend and I decided to pay a visit to the yearly Zoo Babies attraction. The weather was sunny and warm, and neither of us were hungover - a perfect and rare opportunity to look at little animals.

Nearly anyone can enjoy a trip to the zoo, but I know very well that this type of attraction is particularly appealing to little humans - children. And sometimes children don't know how to walk yet or their biological walking timers shut off and they need assistance, i.e. strollers. I know they're necessary, but some of these devices are more comparable to a slightly smaller Prius. Of course, you have to let kids cut in front of your or you're a total bitch. But, god damnit, I paid $14 to be here and I want to see the manatees, too.

So what are you supposed to do? Wait patiently for the throng of toddlers to peep new baby giraffe, Zuri and then try your damnedest to see past their gooey fingerprints smudging the glass window once it's your turn.

Strollers suck (though they're much more obtrusive at packed festivals - watch out for those bad boys this weekend at The Taste!), but Sunday I found a worse alternative that I thought only existed as a joke in the '90s - baby leashes. I witnessed countless seemingly behaved youngsters strapped in a fuzzy, cuddly, stuffed-animal themed LEASH. How lazy of a parent do you have to be to think the best way to prevent your kid from jumping into the polar bear cave is to attach them to a harness?

However, it's another issue if you're hypoglycemic and hyperactive. A hyper-hypo.

You better believe I gave a big old side-eye to each of these parents. For the love of god, go back to the tricked out, view-obstructing, toe-crushing stroller! Anything is better than a child leash.

Thankfully, dedicated individuals have devoted their time to stop this injustice.

Of course, there's another group of humans that left me mimicking the gorillas:

The I-don't-give-a-fuck crew.

So we're in the Jungle Trails, a peaceful, shaded area with plenty of space and lots of cool creatures. I'm just trying to get a good view of a zebra when I hear a stern, "Excuse me. There is no smoking anywhere in the zoo." Now, this dude was kind of dickish, gettin' up in somebody's bidness while wiping his kid from head to toe with sanitizer. But, holy shit, some bitch was actually smoking a cig by the animals! She quickly extinguished her smoke (possibly into the animal sanctuary - I was trying not to stare) with a raspy "Sah-ree." With that, it was time to escape to the air-conditioned nocturnal animal space.

It was pretty dark and kind of hard to see these critters (hello, nocturnal!) and one particularly grimy child next to me began smacking the window next to me.

"Wake up! Where is it?" he shouted, as a little partner in crime joined him in glass-banging. Half-concerned for the adorable lemur on the other side, half-worried someone might mistake these shit heads as my own offspring, I used my best waitress voice and said, "Hey guys, we shouldn't tap on the glass, OK?" and pointed to the dozens of signs suggesting the same. They continued.

We made our way back outside, to see my most anticipated animals, the bonobos. These apes share 98.7% of DNA with humans and are completely capable of learning many people things, like understanding English and using American Sign Language. (Side note: I'm half-way through Water for Elephants author's latest novel Ape House, in which bonobos play a huge role. It's a great read.) They're sweet.

Once again, I found myself behind a bunch of kids who probably can't pronounce bonobo and probably won't remember seeing them, but I kept my patient pants on. Until grimy kid #1 resurfaced…on the other side of a rope barrier, pounding on the gate. Sure enough, the brat belonged to cig lady who, at this point was enjoying (her fifth?) draft beer.

"C'mon, stop it. You're not supposed to be there," she yawned.

"I wanna see if he'll attack me! I wanna see if he'll attack me!"

This continued for a few minutes. I felt my mouth drop and I turned around to see I wasn't the only one in awe. Anyone who makes me feel like I'd be a competent mother has some serious issues. Maybe child leashes are appropriate in certain situations.

I guess I didn't really learn how to better cope with people, but I did discover this: animals are way cooler than humans, and their babies are cuter.