Watch Your Fuckin' Language....

My mom always told me to watch my language as I was growing up but I never really paid much attention. I remember vividly when I was leaving the house to go attend my big brother's grade 12 graduation. Mom, Dad and Grandma were going to be coming up in the car and I was walking up with a buddy of mine. The last thing Mom said as I was walking out the door was "Now watch your mouth!!" I turned back laughing and said, "Come on mom, I'm not retarded....I'm not gonna stand up and shout 'Hey, congratulations cocksuckers.....' " Having fully forgotten that Grandma was in the house I turned around to see her jaw on the floor and Mom and Dad steaming mad.

Regardless, I never took much heed in her warning even after this event until I became a parent. Once your kids hit 2 years old they will repeat everything you say, and actually even before that. Of course I'm the father who is constantly chastising his buddies when they come over and start dropping F-bombs every other word. I'll admit though that I'm the worst culprit, not with the profanity, just with words and phrases you don't expect a 2 year old to pick up on. A couple months ago we were driving in the car and the modest 1992 "hit" Detachable Penis by King Missle was on the radio and I repeated the chorus "Detachable Penis" once or twice. From the back seat I hear my daughter sing a long as well "Da da da da penits". Wifey was super impressed. Other phrases and words that my daughter has picked up on that I'm sure could potentially land her in protective custody if she chooses the wrong time to display her quickly growing vocabulary; "My dope" and "Ho's".

Mom was right, I gotta watch my mouth. Next thing you know I'll be minding my manners and eating with utensils.......