Miley Cyrus Was Lil’ Kim For Halloween

Back in 1999, Lil’ Kim showed up to the VMAs with a pastie-covered breast hanging out of her outfit which Diana Ross fondled forcing our nation, for one night, to agree black people are hilarious. It was an innocent time. Or so it seemed, except somewhere in Nashville, Tennessee, a six-year-old girl sat watching after a night of collecting women underwear’s from her daddy’s concert and said, “Ooh, I wanna do that! And stick my tongue out. Daddy, can y’all be famous and stick your tongue out?” To which her father answered, “Hold up, little missy, are you my beautiful, luxurious mullet? Because that is the only thing that deserves my attention and nothing you can ever say or do will change that fact.” That little girl was Miley Cyrus which is one hell of a twist ending, I know. You don’t have to tell me.

In this light with long hair, I’d do her. It’s true, all cows are grey in the dark and men will screw anything…. It is true… It is true… *feels sad, picks up whiskey bottle, longingly looks at vacuum cleaner*