Because in case you weren't aware, Tennesseans only obtain the ability to effectively parent once they get heterosexually hitched. It has something to do with the metal in their wedding bans mixing with the the air that flows off the Great Smoky Mountain and over the entire state. A weird oxygenation process occurs as soon as the newlywed Volunteer Staters get back from their honeymoon, at which point their child-rearing abilities are automatically activated. Before the wedding, they don't know a diaper from a thong, and a bottle of baby formula and a bottle of gin are interchangeable in their eyes. But once the joyous day arrives, they become the sort of parental stewards to whom the unmarried heteros and homos can only look up with envy.

So good for you, Mr. Deberry and Mr. Stanley, for trying to ensure that the Volunteer State will keep the millions of kids who could use a good home from mistakenly being placed with two educated wealthy dudes whose material and intellectual riches are only trumped by the abundance of love that exists with their hearts. We'll remember your parental litmus test the next time we hear about Tennessee's high divorce rate (2nd in the nation by some estimates) or low score in terms of child well-being (ranked 46th in 2006).