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Halloween: The Curse of Michael Meyers (1995)

Also known as Halloween VI, this movie carries on the story of Jamie (who is the niece of Michael, that we meet in the IV and V installments). She is the daughter of Laurie and her husband (who Wikipedia tells me is Jimmy, the ambo from Halloween II, but for which there seems to be little proof) who was put up for adoption for some reason, although we learn in H20 that there is another child, a son, who didn’t get adopted. Suffice to say, Jimmy, if he is Laurie’s husband, doesn’t make it to the 20th anniversary, in fact we don’t seem to hear hide nor hair of him again. I was always in two minds about whether he even lived past ‘Halloween II’.

Tommy Doyle (Paul Rudd) makes a reappearance as a grown up in this film and he essentially carries what is a confusing and violent plot. I’m sure happy his acting got better because I quite enjoy Paul Rudd in the modern day, but he is just bloody awful in this…it’s okay though because he fits right in with all the other actors – none of whom you would know because I don’t think they ever started in anything again.

The Strode family, despite having no kinship to Laurie apart from being her adoptive family, also make a comeback in this one. They’re still in the real estate business but rather than being well adjusted and normal, as is suggested in the other films, in this version they’re domestically abusive and you’re rooting for Michael to take out Mr Strode from the minute he comes on screen. I did likeMrs Strode. I was sad when she copped it so early on.

I’m not even going to try and pretend that this film, on the whole, is anything other than a hot mess. Even Donald Pleasence as the always amazing Doctor Loomis can’t save it. Jamie doesn’t make it past the initial 10 minutes, she is brutally murdered only hours after giving birth. Who is the baby daddy you ask? Well we don’t know. What we do know is that Jamie and Michael are in some kind of facility and the baby ends up with some kind of blood symbol drawn on it before Jamie manages to escape – although Michael remains hot on her trail. Maybe Michael is the father? No.. Surely not. That would be too dumb.Although I am sure the makers of this film were striving for authenticity I thought the postpartum blood running down Jamie’s legs as she attempts her escape was a bit much. Speaking of babies, what are the odds of a brand new baby, who is soaking wet in winter time, surviving overnight after being abandoned under a sink in a bus station? Admittedly I have never had a baby, but I feel like food and warmth are at the top of the agenda pretty soon after one is pushed into the world.

The biggest sin this film commits is that it isn’t simplistic and as we have established, these films thrive on simplicity. In this version, we have the Meyer timeline (represented by Jamie) converging with the Strode timeline and the Tommy Doyle timeline and then Loomis is tossed in for good measure. Additionally you’ve got secret sects and runes and creepy kids, who have dreams and visions that ask them to kill – it’s all too much, much too much, especially when your principal villain doesn’t speak or explain his motivation in any way. Additionally, there’s an abundance of deaths, people are brutally killed left, right and centre, but there’s no distinct heroine. Don’t get me wrong, they’ve got one set up, but she’s not even close to Jamie Lee, she doesn’t know what she’s doing. I blame Danny for that. He is a weird character. I’m not even sure what purpose he serves. It’s insinuated that he might be the next Michael Meyers or that he at least has tendencies but then he is a Strode not a Meyers so that makes no sense. Then there’s the character of Beth, she could have been a heroine, but she has sex with another Strode family member, so she has to die. Sorry Beth.

Ultimately everyone ends up in some weird sanitarium, where its revealed that all the bit players are in league with each other and are all part of some rune worshiping satanic coven. As I said. It’s a hot mess. Almost enough to turn you off the franchise. Good thing I don’t give up so easy. Also a good thing this didn’t. End Paul Rudd’s career before it began. He was damn lucky there.