Naughty nighties, oh, no, not that way!

Please, dear designers, consider redesigning nightgowns for those of us who live in a climate that includes winter.

Why do I wear one if not to keep warm? Because the sheets are cold and the nightie is warm. I am warm from the day and my shower. When I slide between the sheets for that first few minutes, my body is saved by my nightie. It’s saved from the shock of putting my nice warm back and bum on the cold sheet.

Soon, soon . . . my shoulders are cold, cold I tell you. The neckline is more suitable for a pop-up bra commercial. There I am with my sheet and blanket carefully arranged at my chin to keep my shoulders warm, and then I roll over and have to adjust the covers all over again. Then I roll over on my other side – you see what I mean? My Nightie is designed to keep me awake all night adjusting it to keep my shoulders under the covers. If the nightie came up nice and warm and soft around my neck, it wouldn’t matter if I got those covers just right. And, oh, a bit of sleeve, ah, that’s it.

And the volume of fabric, goodness! There I are on my back. Fine. Then I roll over and all that fabric has to be rearranged. As I fall asleep, I turn on my side and untwist all that fabric. Its fine when I turn the first time, but now, again, you see what I mean? Try untwisting all that and not waking up. I say, “How dumb a design is that!” and I write a letter in my head to you all as I try to assemble myself once again.

Which leads me to say, nightgowns are too long or two short. If they are too long, there is altogether too much fabric to fight with. If they are too short they don’t quite fit under my bum so it’s cold, and I have nothing under me when I sit to watch TV. Some designers understand, and I thank them, but I do have to look high and wide for just the right length, a modest neckline, a slim cut without so much fabric.

And by the way, ditch your scratchy nighty designer labels. Dear designers, rub your chosen label across your cheek. No, not that one, the one on your face. Do you see what I mean? I cut them off and your brand name is lost for good. Summer is coming soon, and I won’t have to wear a nightie at all. So, maybe you can work on these problems over the summer. That would be wonderful.