I mean…yes, there is sex in the book between Winston and Julia, and it’s a pivotal part of the plot, for sure. But even in my most jaded times, I’ve never confused dingy, bleak, anti-Big-Brother-fueled hate-fucks, that lead to the ultimate in betrayals, as “romance”. Sure, maybe they have moments of feeling tender toward one another, but when Big Brother finally catches on to their trysting, they both start checking bus schedules to figure out which one they’re throwing the other under.

I imagine it’s going to be like this:

*sigh*

See, the thing is, there are plenty of dystopian novels that focus on unlikely romances to work with, and that’s fine, I’m not saying it can’t or wouldn’t ever happen, and I don’t object to it as a storyline. But the authors of these other works didn’t call them: 1984 2.0 or 1984: Reckoning or Winston (hearts) Julia: A Tale of Light in the Darkness. No. Because that’s not Winston and Julia’s story. These other authors created their own stories. They didn’t co-opt someone else’s under the guise of a “reboot”. Because that? Is cheating.

So I, of course, expect it to be dreadful, and I admit I’m clearly already prejudiced against it. Though I will say this: I’m tickled by the idea of legions of Twilight fans downloading 1984 into their Kindles so they can get ready for K-Stew’s new movie. Because in the real 1984, there’s not one sparkle to be found.

Bonus! A game of #romantic1984 started on Twitter once this was announced. Thus far, here is my favorite Tweet.

It’s stupid for me to get nit-picky about this, but I’m like…they don’t even have the AGES of the principles right. I mean, K-Stew as Julia, OK, but Nick Hoult is like 24 or 25 and Winston was a grizzled, tired older man. Think Daniel Day-Lewis after he’s been denied a couple of sandwiches.