Mars: War Logs Review

They say in space, nobody can hear you scream. Well, I did. Not out of fear, terror or frustration…but out of disgust. I got to say, I was not expecting this game to be such a crap title, but I was proven wrong.

Mars: War Logs was a game that was developed by Spiders…yeah, I laughed too…and published by France-based company, Focus Home Interactive. FHI has put out games for the PC, but has managed to put out titles for the Nintendo Wii, Nintendo DS and the Xbox 360. The game was marketed as a “cyberpunk role-playing game”. Well, I get the role-playing aspect, but cyberpunk? No no no…far from it. Maybe “Mad-Max…punk” style, but cyberpunk may be stretching it a bit.

So, right off the bat you are introduced to a character who happens to be riding in the back of a transport. During the trip, he regales his life before joining the war(What war?)and how he and the rest of his teenage squad went through the horrors of the situation. At first, you’re led to believe that this is your main character…well, that’s not true. Anyway, the truck stops and you are shown that he and everyone else were being transported to a POW camp. Okay…but why? More on that later. So, you see the kid meekly making his way to the “Welcoming Ceremony” as the Sargent explains a few things and then directs everyone to get cleaned up…in a sand shower. I’m not joking…they bathe in sand. So, the kid makes his way to the shower room, all the while having a few whiny monologues, when all of a sudden he is accosted and sexually harassed by this guy…

Michael Chiklis’s long lost brother

The fat guy proceeds to push the kid down, and unzip his fly…whoo….prison rape…who didn’t see that coming? In fact, a majority of the game’s dialogue either eludes to or references rape in this game…A LOT. So, before the kid can get corn-holed, the REAL main character,Roy, shows up(Who strangely resembles Karl Urban’s character Vaako from Chronicles of Riddick, minus the dreads) and saves him via intimidation and solid silence. This freaks out the fatty rapist(Which I find funny considering he was about to bang a teenage boy against his will)and causes he and his crew to leave the shower room in a haste. Now, you FINALLY get to play the game. From here, you are shown how interactions with characters are going to be and how choosing a certain response can effect you in the long run. From there, you move into another area that takes you outside. Out there, you are confronted by Fatty-Rapist and his gang of punks, who are all butt-hurt(Lol!)at you humiliating them and screwing them out of…well, a screw. At this point, you are introduced to the combat system of the game. Combat isn’t all that bad, honestly. You can target enemies and switch between them with one button press, you can map your techniques and abilities to 3 buttons for easy access and you can dodge roll, though it sucks terribly.

So, why does this game suck so bad? Well, let me point out some Pros and Cons:

PROS
-You can skip dialogue, cut-scenes and even “door opening” animations with just one button.

CONS
-Voice acting is bland. Like they’ve all been trained by Christopher Sabat
-No checkpoints, whatsoever
-Whomever does the voice of Roy tries too hard to be like Steve Blum
-Main character’s back story is in the dark while everyone else gets. Played the game for two hours and not once did they mention who the fuck Roy was and why he was there.
-Mini-Map is a blurred version of the main one and you can’t see the game because the opaque is horribly done.
-Prison rape seems to be the main plot of every conversation. Seriously…not even HBO’s hit show Oz had this much mention of rape in it. What the hell is wrong with Spiders…
-Cannot guard during combat. Oh it says you can counter, but…when? I unlocked the ability to counter and I was unable to do so. Probably a broken mechanic in the game’s programming or something.

So, that right there tells you my reasoning as to why I think this game is horrible. Now, keep in mind that this is just MY OPINION. If you dig the game, good on you. But, I for one don’t see the reasoning for paying money for this..ever. It’s bland, it’s trite and just downright horrible. While I don’t hold this game on my Top 5 Most Hated Games list, it definitely gets a Dishonorable Mention.

2 Comments

Oops, mouse betrayed me. Feel free to delete previous comment, I did not find out how to edit. Anyway funny review but I think you did not pay attention to the tutorials, combat system is not bad at all once you got it. Blocking does work, at least on Xbox 360 and PC (can’t say for PS3 but I suppose it’s the same).
I wasn’t shocked so much about the rape stuff as it was just the intro. They no longer mention it after you’ve escaped the prison but it doesn’t seem like you were in interested in getting further anyway. I can’t blame you, though, if the voice acting is so bad. I am not native english so really I couldn’t tell. Some seemed bad even to me, others sounded pretty good.
As you say in your conclusion, to each his own, so i won’t give my personal score especially as i haven’t read all your reviews yet.
Anyway nice site. Easy on the eye, for a change… I like it when my eyes are not constantly attacked by flashy colours.