In the dying days of the Brown government Labour MP Ron Scuttle offers us a weekly peek at his diary . . .

Another troubled night. How would members of the public like to live on no sleep, like the average MP? Even in my dreams, given they're usually expenses nightmares, I'm basically on call, for no money. Will raise this with Sir Christopher Kelly, as soon as he's acknowledged receipt of last week's comments.

For a hardworking MP even breakfast is a professional situation, chaired by a demanding wife/secretary. Sloshing out the tea, Diane asks why I didn't "do an Eric Joyce" before it was too late. Thanks, Eric. I don't suppose you considered where this freelance resignation leaves your PPS colleagues, me included? I'm sure we'd all love to resign on principle, if MPs allowed themselves the luxury of principles. Do our critics realise how hard it will be to find such people in future?

Leave message on Eric's mobile. "Absolutely cracking stuff, Eric – if only more of us had your guts." Then again (I decide not to say) how much was that capital gains? Suspect it came to more than my little wine cellar.

Bolt the garage door and get down to yet more work: a list of resigning issues. Not easy when your boss is minister for mottos. Finally draft this statement: "I love this party. But 'It's Brill to be British' is a step too far . . ."

Diane rattles the door. "Out," she barks. "Lidl. Now. On foot." Clipping the satnav to the trolley I wonder if a single constituent has noticed that, since Diane's genius idea to trump Brown's staycation, I've spent the entire "holiday" in supermarkets. For what? Nothing in the Telegraph, nothing in the local rags. Not even when I went to Poundland. This time last year we were wine- tasting in Umbria.

I've got all the authentic junk on Diane's list – Wotsits, beans, Heat, etc – when I spot the chablis. Who knew Lidl did chablis? Do poor people drink it? Just squinting at the label when there's a flash, then a smirk from the evil cow who edits the town freesheet. "Lucky for some!" she says. How many members of the oh-so-virtuous public would think £64,766 a decent reward for incessant insults i in the aisles of Lidl? Must raise this with Sir Christopher, asap.