That's awesome, Liz. l'm really happy that you found someone to care about because relationships are hard. So, if you ever need someone to come over and videotape you guys doing it or whatever, l can make room in my schedule.

Liz:

Thanks, Frank.

Frank:

You're welcome. No judgments.

Corporate Loss

Jack:

Don.

Geiss:

Jack, you old dog, how are ya?

Jack:

l'm good, sir.

Geiss:

Course you are. Look at those eyes -- sharp like a panther's.

Jack:

Thank you. Would you like to sit down?

Geiss:

l can't. l took my grandkids snorkeling at St. Barts, got stung by a jellyfish. l got a welt on my ass the size of a Red Delicious apple.

Jack:

l'm very sorry to hear that, sir.

Geiss:

Yeah, well, Jack, you really terrified the people with that fireworks special of yours.

Jack:

Well, we were trying for something dramatic, and l don't regret trying.

Geiss:

Well, you got to try. As my old man always said, ''lf you try, you win.'' And he was a hell of a garbageman. l just want you to know we all still have a lot of faith in you, Jack.

Jack:

Thank you. That means the world coming from you.

Geiss:

But l'm taking the Microwave Division away from you. l mean. . . you're in the rough, Jack. You got to get back on the fairway.

Jack:

Yes, sir.

Geiss:

You ever think about getting remarried?

Jack:

Well -- Well, l just got divorced, sir.

Geiss:

Everyone in this division is married except you. Well, look at Bob. His wife looks just like Walter Matthau, but she's always there for him. lt's the kind of companion you need. Think about that.

Jack:

l will, sir.

Geiss:

Going to see Tracy Jordan. He is funny. What's that film where he turned into a dog?

Jack:

Uh, ''Fat Bitch,'' sir.

Geiss:

That's it. l love it. Boy, that's a great film.

Jack:

l'm sorry l let you down.

Movie Proposition

Tracy:

Thank you for agreeing to meet with me, Don Geiss. Would you like some grenadine or some fried rice?

Geiss:

l'm good. Thanks.

Tracy:

Sir, l have a movie project that is going to blow your mind. l call it ''Jefferson.''

Geiss:

A movie version of ''The Jeffersons''? l love it.

Tracy:

No, Thomas Jefferson. l just recently found out that he went to town on one of my ancestors, so we're related.

Geiss:

You want to play Thomas Jefferson?

Tracy:

And Sally Hemings and King George. l'm gonna play all the parts. Did you know he had a lisp? What's up, stupid jerks? l'm Thomas Jefferson.

Tracy:

So we gonna need about $35 million to do this thing right.

Liz face

Liz:

l'm gonna get us one of those big clocks, and l'm gonna hang it in there.

You left me dangling, Lemon. l'm not a creative type like you with your work sneakers and your left-handedness. l can't do what you do.

Liz:

l know. l dropped the ball. But l was just trying to do what you said and have a personal life. And l guess l got caught up with this new guy.

Jack:

Oh, right, flower guy.

Liz:

His name is Floyd.

Jack:

That's unfortunate.

Liz:

l'd really like you to meet him, Jack.

Jack:

Fine. l'd like to meet the man that made Liz Lemon shirk her responsibilities. Let's say Priscille, 9:00 -- be sure to wear a tie.

Liz:

Are you sure you're okay?

A Fake Trailer

Tracy:

l pitched my ''Jefferson'' movie to Don Geiss. He said, ''No.'' He said, ''People only see movies because of the previews,'' and he couldn't visualize my ''Jefferson'' preview. He wants me to do ''Fat Bitch 2'' instead.

Kenneth:

Well, that doesn't even make sense. Everyone knows Fat Bitch died at the end.

Tracy:

lt's not the kind of stuff l want to do anymore, Ken. l want to be taken seriously. What should l do?

Kenneth:

Well, remember when Fat Bitch called all her dog friends together, and they used their high-pitched howling to mess --

Tracy:

You're right, K. l should make my own ''Jefferson'' preview and show it to Don Geiss.

Kenneth:

l'm never gonna finish this bikini before Nana's birthday.

Tracy:

Hey, Liz Lemon, where you going?

Liz:

Uh, home. l got to go get ready for a dinner with Jack.

Tracy:

Listen, l'm going to need to make a fake trailer for my ''Jefferson'' film. l'm gonna need the entire resources of the show for no more than three weeks. You in?

Liz:

No. What? No. Tracy, you're not doing that. We have a show on Friday.

Tracy:

Liz Lemon, you are my Alexander Hamilton.

Liz:

l don't know what that means.

Tracy:

Writers. Listen. l need your help.

Jack Attack Fan

Liz:

Well, l hope this isn't too boring for you.

Floyd:

Are you kidding? Jack Donaghy's a legend. l've read his book like 20 times.

Liz:

Jack wrote a book?

Floyd:

Yeah. ''Jack Attack: The Art of Aggression in Business.'' Oh, no. He got here before us. You're not supposed to let that happen. That's chapter two in the book.

Liz:

Hi, Jack. This is Floyd.

Floyd:

lt's a pleasure to meet you, bum.

Jack:

Well, you're Floyd. The only other ''Floyd'' l ever knew was this Korean barber who used to cut my hair down in the 50th Street subway station.

Floyd:

That's my dad. l'm Floyd Jr. l'm just kidding.

Jack:

Oh.. Please.

Floyd:

Sorry. l'm just nervous to meet the head of East Coast Television and Microwave Oven Programming.

Jack:

l just got the word from Geiss. They're taking me off Microwave.

Liz:

Oh, no. Really?

Floyd:

Mr. Donaghy, with all due respect to Mr. Geiss, l got to say he's making a terrible mistake. This company's stability in the small-appliance market is in large part your doing. The dedicated popcorn setting on your microwave was the imagination breakthrough of 1995. ln 2002, you increased corporate earnings by 3% while the country suffered through a recession.

Liz:

And ''Attack of the Clones,'' which was seriously the worst of the ''Star Wars.''

Floyd:

One sec, Liz, one sec. And on a personal note, sir, in my mind, the Foo Fighters' song ''Best of You'' is about your managerial skills.

Jack:

Lemon, l want to kiss your boyfriend on the mouth.

Floyd:

Chapter 12. l thought you were gonna do it.

Jack:

What are you drinking? Oh, that's a shame. Pete.

Caractacus In Office

Tracy:

Hey, Liz Lemon. Could you go away for a while? l got to get rid of Freddie's erection.

Liz:

No. Explain what is happening here.

Tracy:

Freddie is playing the part of Thomas Jefferson's horse, Caractacus. We needed a place to keep him till we shoot his stunts.

Liz:

No, Tracy, l told you not to do this.

Tracy:

Jack said l could. This movie is my destiny. lt's the reason why God put me on this Earth.

Liz:

l'll take you off this Earth.

Probably Don't Remember

Phoebe:

The overwhelming violence of the subject matter is in deliberate juxtaposition with the pastoral beauty of the terrain.

Liz:

Jack, Tracy put a horse in my office.

Jack:

Uh, Lemon, you've met --

Phoebe:

Hello. You probably don't remember me. l'm Phoebe. We met the other day.

Liz:

Yeah, yeah, l remember you. l'm Liz.

Phoebe:

Oh, sorry. l don't shake hands. l have avian bone syndrome.

Liz:

Oh, boy, okay.

Phoebe:

Hollow bones.

Jack:

Lemon, l want your opinion. Which of these two do you like?

Liz:

Uh, they're both beautiful. They look just like the one crapping in my office. Did you tell Tracy he could use the crew to make a trailer for his crazy movie?

So, l board, and l sit next to Don Geiss. And l want to make a good impression, so l bought four bottles of absolutely fantastic champagne.

Liz:

You told me already.

Jack:

You're gonna love this story. We're on our way to Tokyo. We're out over the ocean, and the cabin pressure drops. The masks are coming out of the ceiling, and the corks are popping out of the champagne bottles. l don't give a damn about the masks. l'm on all fours trying to shove the corks back in the bottles. And Don Geiss says, ''Now, there's an executive who knows how to keep his costs down.''

Floyd:

That's great.

Jack:

Oh.

Floyd:

l'm gonna get more crab cakes. Liz, you want anything?

Liz:

No, thanks. What are you doing?

Jack:

l'm watching the ballgame with you and the Floydster.

Liz:

But. . . Don't you kind of feel like a third wheel, Jack?

Jack:

No. Lemon, you're the third wheel.

Liz:

Excuse me?

Jack:

lt's really quite simple. Men seek out the company of other men they admire and want to be like. Floyd is me 20 years ago. l'm Don Geiss 30 years ago. 20 years from now, Floyd will be me, l'm gonna be Don Geiss, and Don Geiss will be dead.

Liz:

Who thinks like that?

Jack:

Men do. That's why you're the third wheel.

Liz:

Just back off, okay?

Jack:

Lemon, are you telling me to stay away from your boyfriend? Not that l blame you, because l could take him away from you if l wanted to.

Liz:

This is my life, Jack. l know you're in a bad spot right now, but you can't use Floyd to feel better about yourself. lt's not fair.

Jack:

All right. How about some kind of a time-share arrangement? You can have him Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

Liz:

l don't want Friday. We have a show. Why am l even having this conversation with you? Look at your life, Jack. lt's -- lt's like this skybox. lt's fancy and it's empty and it smells like crab cakes. Get your own Floyd because this one is taken.

Jack:

Oh, outstanding. Thank you.

Tracy Determined

Kenneth:

Sir.

Tracy:

He said, ''No.'' Then he offered me $7 million to reprise my role as Cocoa the Dog.

Dotcom:

l'm gonna get an iPhone Everybody's gonna be jealous

Tracy:

No, l turned him down.

Grizz:

lt's like a roller-coaster ride of emotion in here.

Tracy:

Look, Thomas Jefferson made his own country. l'm gonna make my own movie, finance it myself -- all on my terms. Now, who's with me?

Kenneth:

We all are, sir.

Tracy:

Good, good, good. Your first order of business -- Get that dead horse out of my car.

Painting Return

Phoebe:

l'm sorry your friend wasn't pleased with the Stubbs.

Jack:

Yes, so am l.

Phoebe:

You seem very preoccupied.

Jack:

Well, it's just. . . People don't like fireworks anymore. Were you aware of that? And they took away the Microwave Division. l'm having terrible Lemon problems. l'm eating all the time. l mean, who eats 16 flautas after midnight?

Phoebe:

Mr. Donaghy. Jack. Listen, if you're still interested, there is another piece l'd like to show you. . . that you might enjoy. l'll need to take you back to the private office. This piece is very delicate. Very few people have handled it.

Jack:

Oh, God, l hope we're talking about the same thing.

Jack's Brash Proposal

Jack:

May l speak with you?

Liz:

lf this is about the other night, l am not gonna apologize. This whole Floyd thing --

Jack:

No, no, no, you're absolutely right. l have to make some changes in my life, just like you have. Phoebe and l are. . . seeing each other.

Liz:

Really? Wow. That's great.

Jack:

Now you have a Floydster, and l have a Floydster.

Liz:

Well, l don't think Phoebe would appreciate being referred to as a Floydster.