Monthly Archives: October 2010

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I haven’t posted for awhile because I got a cough & cold a with 2nd degree black belt that judo-flipped me into bed for awhile. I’m somewhat better now… and just in time for Monday. Oh joy.

I had some stories ready to go for this weekend, but Jon Stewart had a “Rally To Restore Sanity” at the mall of America this last week and the mainstream media completely missed out on this.

More people attended Stewart’s rally than the one Glen BokBok held in the same location just a few weeks prior, but Stewart’s rally only garnered sparse coverage on CNN, MSNBC and FOX. More “real” people were at Stewart’s rally, and even though the event was a “comedy” rally, Stewart’s speech at the end was epic.

The only thing I’m posting this weekend is Stewart’s closing speech. It’s that good.

Here it is, presented in its’ entirety (the following transcript is courtesy of Rolling Stone).

—–

And now I thought we might have a moment, however brief, for some sincerity, if that’s ok; I know there are boundaries for a comedian, pundit, talker guy, and I’m sure I’ll find out tomorrow how I have violated them.

I’m really happy you guys are here, even if none of us are really quite sure why we are here. Some of you may have seen today as a clarion call for action, or some of the hipper, more ironic cats as a clarion call for ‘action.’ Clearly, some of you just wanted to see the Air and Space Museum and got royally screwed. And I’m sure a lot of you are here to have a nice time, and I hope you did. I know that many of you made a great effort to be here today, and I want you to know that everyone involved with this project worked incredibly hard to make sure that we honor the effort that you put in and gave you the best show we could possibly do. We know your time is valuable, and we didn’t want to waste it. And we are all extremely honored to have had a chance to perform for you on this beautiful space, on The Mall in Washington, D.C.

I can’t control what people think this was. I can only tell you my intentions. This was not a rally to ridicule people of faith. Or people of activism or to look down our noses at the heartland or passionate argument or to suggest that times are not difficult and that we have nothing to fear. They are and we do. But we live now in hard times, not end times. And we can have animus and not be enemies.

Unfortunately, one of our main tools in delineating the two broke. The country’s 24-hour politico pundit panic conflict-onator did not cause our problems, but its existence makes solving them that much harder. The press can hold its magnifying glass up to our problems and illuminate problems heretofore unseen, or it can use its magnifying glass to light ants on fire, and then perhaps host a week of shows on the sudden, unexpected dangerous-flaming-ant epidemic. If we amplify everything, we hear nothing.

There are terrorists and racists and Stalinists and theocrats, but those are titles that must be earned. You must have the resume. Not being able to distinguish between real racists and tea partiers, or real bigots and Juan Williams and Rich Sanchez is an insult — not only to those people, but to the racists themselves, who have put forth the exhausting effort it takes to hate. Just as the inability to distinguish between terrorists and Muslims makes us less safe, not more.

The press is our immune system. If it overreacts to everything we eventually get sicker. And perhaps eczema. Yet, with that being said, I feel good. Strangely, calmly good, because the image of Americans that is reflected back to us by our political and media process is false. It is us through a funhouse mirror, and not the good kind that makes you slim and taller — but the kind where you have a giant forehead and an ass like a pumpkin and one eyeball.

So, why would we work together? Why would you reach across the aisle to a pumpkin assed forehead eyeball monster? If the picture of us were true, our inability to solve problems would actually be quite sane and reasonable. Why would you work with Marxists actively subverting our Constitution or racists and homophobes who see no one’s humanity but their own? We hear every damn day about how fragile our country is — on the brink of catastrophe — torn by polarizing hate and how it’s a shame that we can’t work together to get things done, but the truth is we do. We work together to get things done every damn day. The only place we don’t is here or on cable TV. Americans don’t live here or on cable TV. Where we live our values and principles form the foundation that sustains us while we get things done, not the barriers that prevent us from getting things done.

Most Americans don’t live their lives solely as Democrats or Republicans or conservatives or liberals. Most Americans live their lives that our just a little bit late for something they have to do. Often it’s something they do not want to do, but they do it. Impossible things get done every day that are only made possible by the little, reasonable compromises.

[With footage of lanes of slow-moving traffic playing on screens behind him, Stewart went on to build a metaphor based on the traffic merger at the Lincoln Tunnel between New York and New Jersey.]

These cars — that’s a school teacher who thinks taxes are too high…there’s a mom with two kids who can’t think about anything else…another car, the lady’s in the NRA. She loves Oprah…An investment banker, gay, also likes Oprah…a Latino carpenter…a fundamentalist vacuum salesman…a Mormon Jay Z fan…But this is us. Everyone of the cars that you see is filled with individuals of strong belief and principles they hold dear — often principles and beliefs in direct opposition to their fellow travelers.

And yet these millions of cars must somehow find a way to squeeze one by one into a mile-long, 30-foot wide tunnel carved underneath a mighty river…And they do it. Concession by concession. You go. Then I’ll go. You go, then I’ll go. You go, then I’ll go — oh my god, is that an NRA sticker on your car, an Obama sticker on your car? Well, that’s OK. You go and then I’ll go…”Sure, at some point there will be a selfish jerk who zips up the shoulder and cuts in at the last minute. But that individual is rare and he is scorned, and he is not hired as an analyst.

Because we know instinctively as a people that if we are to get through the darkness and back into the light we have to work together and the truth is, there will always be darkness. And sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t the promised land. Sometimes it’s just New Jersey. But we do it anyway, together.

If you want to know why I’m here and what I want from you I can only assure you this: you have already given it to me. Your presence was what I wanted. Sanity will always be and has always been in the eye of the beholder. To see you here today and the kind of people that you are has restored mine. Thank you.

The FDA and the U.S. Marshals played “beat the stupid company with a sharp pointy federal stick” today by shutting down a big United Food Service warehouse (AKA Sun Hong Kai Holding Inc).

Apparently the FDA found out that United Food Service was having a regular rat fiesta at one of their warehouses. “An FDA inspection of United Food Service’s facility… revealed “an active and widespread rodent infestation, including live and dead rodents within the warehouse where food products are stored.” FDA investigators found 28 live rodents, one dead rodent, apparent rodent droppings, 26 apparent rodent gnaw holes in multiple packages of food products, rodent urine stains on food packaging and four rodent nesting sites.”

What? You mean rats aren’t the cute “cook a four course meal and help you get the babe” blue furry happy critters like I saw in Ratatouille? Damn you, Disney! You lied to me again!!

Anyhow, the FDA yanked “$700,000 worth of rice and other packaged food products”, and nuked United Food Service from orbit, just to be sure closed down that warehouse.

A new article on CNET says that “U.S. District Judge Kimba Wood issued an injunction today against the company that operates the long popular file-sharing software, LimeWire, and requires managers there to disable “the searching, downloading, uploading, file trading and/or file distribution functionality, and/or all functionality” of the LimeWire software”

If you visit the Limewire page right now, you’ll see the official “death notice”…

“This is an official notice that LimeWire is under a court-ordered injunction to stop distributing and supporting its file-sharing software. Downloading or sharing copyrighted content without authorization is illegal.”

If you’re still on Limewire, I would recommend you remove the app from your system right now. It’s about to be as useful as Napster was when the hammer came down on them.

Here are some news stories from this week that I think the mainstream media completely missed out on. All links are from legitimate news sources and not the fringe / wacko sites.﻿

* I have a great idea for a Law and Order episode! A jealous lover sabotages her rival’s parachute, causing her to fall to her death on the big jump the whole love triangle decided to take together! I’ll spice up the story by saying the woman that was killed was actually a married mother with two kids, and the murderess was just the “weekend” girl! To make the story really pop, I’ll say the two women spent the night in the man’s home a week before the fatal jump! Wait… all this really happened? In Belgium? Dude. Harsh. Ok, fine, I’ll only charge half my usual script price. Call me, Hollywood. [BBC.CO.UK]

* How much do you think a toll worker should make a year? You know… those workers that make change for you at a toll booth? 35k? 55k? 75k? How about $321k! Welcome to Noo Joisey! Whadda yoo lookin’ at? [FOX NY]

* American is losing a big piece of fabulousness this year. The Liberace museum in Las Vegas is closing. According to Wikipedia, “during the 1950s–1970s he was the highest-paid entertainer in the world.” For good reason. The man was talented far beyond his time, a real virtuoso on the piano, as theatrical and flamboyant as Elton John ever could be, and was always a “happy” entertainer. [CNN] has the story about the museum closing. For those of you who have no idea who Liberace is, check out this appearance from the Muppet Show in the clip below.

* “A small mountain town in California now has phone service for the first time in history!” What? Seriously? Next up, ELECTRIC LIGHTS and PAVED ROADS!! Look out 19th century! Here we come!! [FOX NEWS]

* A recent study says “heart medication and cholesterol drugs may be causing memory loss and temporary dementia.” I can’t wait for the first defense attorney to float the “too many cheeseburger medication” defense. You know it will happen. [SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN]

* In a bit of seriousness, a ruling by a federal judge is coming pretty soon on Virginia’s lawsuit over Obama’s recent insurance law/mandate. Here’s the Scooby-Doo “jinkies!” worthy quote… “Judge Hudson’s sharp questioning offered some clues as to how he views each side’s case. He showed sympathy for the plaintiff’s contention that requiring Americans to carry health insurance amounts to regulating “inactivity,” and that Congress lacks such a power…Allowing such power, Judge Hudson said, could open the door for the federal government to require residents to buy a car, join a gym and “eat asparagus,” he said. “It’s boundless.”” [WALL STREET JOURNAL]

* If you’re going to go off and build your own space station, you should know there’s now an internationally accepted docking port design for use in all space stations. “The IDSS IDD is the result of a working group established in 2009 by the International Space Station partners (the Canadian Space Agency (CSA), the European Space Agency (ESA), the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology (MEXT) assisted by the Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency (JAXA), the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA), and the Russian Space Agency (Roscosmos))…. The figures and tables in this initial IDSS IDD release depict the features of the docking interface. Some docking system features are defined by the basic IDD standard, some will be defined in the future and some are left to the discretion of the individual docking system designer.” Um, OK. By my last count I think I found there was ONE space station in existence, so who exactly is this for? Something coming up we should to know about? [INTERNATIONAL DOCKING STANDARD]

* And finally, a shocking new study has found that “Motherhood may actually cause the brain to grow, not turn it into mush, as some have claimed.” I think the “mush” part will be highly debated among new parents. [SCIENCE DAILY]

I found another classic video while sifting through my archives. This short film from 2001 stars Clive Owen and Madonna and was directed by Guy Ritchie.

Oven though this was made 9 years ago, Clive’s performance still makes me laugh.

According to Wikipedia, “The BMW film series, The Hire was a series of eight short films (averaging about ten minutes each) produced for the Internet in 2001 and 2002. A form of branded content, all eight films featured popular filmmakers from across the globe, starred Clive Owen as the “Driver”, and highlighted the performance aspects of various BMW automobiles. The plots of each of the films differ, but one constant remains: Clive Owen plays “The Driver”, a man who goes from place to place (in presumably rented BMW automobiles), getting hired by various people to be a sort of transport for their vital needs.”

Unfortunately, “on October 21, 2005, BMW stopped distribution of The Hire on DVD and removed all eight films from the BMWFilms website just four years after the first film debuted.”

I know I’ve got the original DVD from BMW with all the films somewhere around here, too. If I can find it, I’ll rip them all and post to YouTube.

EDIT: The first Transporter film with Jason Statham “whose job it is to deliver packages without asking any questions” while doing crazy stunts in fancy cars came out on October 11, 2002. Coincidence?