Is it okay to love instead of being IN LOVE

I've been with my boyfriend for quite a while now and for the past couple of weeks we have started saying I love you. I am very close with my family so it is something I enjoy saying and I do mean it, I love him very much. Although I love him I don't know if I am in love with him, as in I see us long term and feel that deep connection. I believe you only find that kind of love a few times in your entire life, and hopefully you have the opportunity to marry one of those people. We are both young and I realize that eventually our lives will go different directions, so I guess what I am asking is, is it okay for me to love him without that deep "true" love?

I do feel that the words "I love you" get thrown around more than they probably should and get cheapened when that happens.

I know that I would only want to hear it if there was feeling behind it. If you're only saying it because he says it first and it's just easier to say it back than have him asking if something is wrong, then I know I would rather not hear it.

But if you're both being true to yourselves about how you feel then all is good.

Gold Member

Wow, such a mature perspective on relationships. I wish I'd had that insight when I was your age. I agree that there's nothing wrong with it, but I wonder how your bf interprets the phrase "I love you"? I think that as long as you communicate your feelings and needs clearly, and everyone is in harmonious agreement about the terms of the relationship, you'll be fine. I have to say that when people use the term "boyfriend/girlfriend", there is that cultural connotation that the two of you are "in love", so I wonder if there's another term you might consider using to avoid confusion, or misunderstandings...? But if it works for you, more power to you.

Gold Member

Like you I love my SO very much. We are quite attached and fond of being in each other's company. Yet I don't consider myself "in love" with him, at least not in a wild, passionate sense. That wore off after the first six months of our relationship. Many relationships don't survive when that initial fiery passion wears off, but if you're lucky it will settle into a comfortable but very deep and loving "partnership" between you and your SO.

Gold Member

There are all kinds of feelings of love and different degrees of love. They're all good, and over time they all change. The best advice I can give is, if you feel love, just enjoy it and run with it. It may deepen and turn into something bigger than you'd ever imagine. Or it might fade. Either way, as long as you're single and not hurting anyone, enjoying all the feelings of loving and being loved is always "okay". "That deep 'true' love" you speak of will probably only come after years of growing together.