Your Blogging Staff

Contributing to this blog:
- "Dave" is Dave Barry, who is a humor columnist and presidential contender.
- "judi" is Judi Smith, who is Dave's Research Department, as well as being interested in men.
- "Walter" is Walter, a bone from the penis of a walrus.

Yeah, nc, but these are guys we're talking about. Why pay for a tree when you can drink alcohol, swing sharp tools around and fell an entire forest (or, at least, chop two trees) so you can cut a sprig off the top for your Christmas tree?

We did the same, but we climbed up and just took the top. As Theresa mentioned, the tops make the best trees. It would take all day to get it, hiking out to the site and dragging it back over the snow. And it never ever fit in the front door without scraping it up. Good times, now that that I don't have to do that anymore.

Last year my daughter was late coming in, so we went to Lowe's and got a really good tree for $3 two days before Christmas. It was just as fresh as the ones sold a week or two before (not very).
I have to admit, I've thought of cutting off the upper six or seven feet of a tree. But I've never been drunk enough to try it.
We had a cedar tree one year because my wife liked the look. I didn't stop itching until January was over, so that tradition ended quickly.

Oh I remember the Christmas tree obtained by the committee in my student co-op. They got money out of house funds to buy a tree. So natcherly they bought beer, went up in the hills, and cut one. Very illegally, since it was in a county park. Problem 1 was the branches were about two feet apart. Problem 2 was that it was too tall, so they cut off the TOP 4 feet. And problem 3, nobody had a clue how to care for a (temporarily) live tree, so they didn't water it. By the time I went home for Christmas, the branches were curling weirdly.

I've never been happier than when my wife asked if it would be ok if we just got an artificial tree. That had, over a period of years climbed very close to the top of the list of things I wanted very, very badly but had no hope I would ever get.

At the last house we had several huge cedars that we intended to take out and so had them as Christmas trees. We had a 15 foot cathedral ceiling as well. Very big, very cool looking. And now I refuse even putting up the fake tree. Not my job anymore. Period.

Christmas trees are free starting on December 26th, and gifts, etc. are cheaper too. Pretend that you are Russian Orthodox and celebrate Christmas on January 7th, which is December 25th in the Julian Calendar. Or just use a broomstick as a Festivus Pole.

Personally, I would prefer to celebrate Saturnalia -- the decorations are almost irrelevant to the orgies.

There are Too Darn Many of us Steves Lately
I agree. And it's a puzzle since I don't think I've heard of many people naming their kids "Steve" in the last 30 years or so.
Neither of my kids are a "Steve", but they're both girls so that would just be silly (sorry, Stevie Nicks).
Signed,
Steve