Charles, losing charge

Scott Baio's life coach (the impetus behind Scott Baio is 45 and Single) tried to delve into Chachi's type. "I've dated Asian women," he insisted. "I've dated all kinds of women." But in reality, "all kinds" really means perfect-10 blondes. "You gotta walk in the room with the hottest chick in the room," he said by way of defending his streak. "Or else what's the point of walking in the room?"

And then he got down to it: When he sees himself married, he sees his own death. It's the finality of it that terrifies him. So to stall the onset of figurative death (dun dun dunnnn), Scott convinces himself that the women he's with have fatal flaws – and dumps them. Take Denise Richards (YES, DENISE RICHARDS): Her feet were too big, he decided, and she had to go. In fact, any woman who gives him "slight aggravation" has to hit the road.

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He even met up with Nicole Eggert from Charles in Charge to talk about his track record. "Remember being onset, and having the Playboy magazine, and picking it out like it was the Sears catalog?" she asked. "And then it happened…and she'd show up. How are you supposed to be faithful in a world like that?"

One thing Scott can do to try and speed things along: Not bring along an emergency friend along on his blind dates. Set up by some matchmakers, Scott had his friend Johnny sit in, just in case "she looks like Rosie O'Donnell." Luckily, his date was super-hot and he was able to dismiss his buddy before she noticed he had been sitting at the table. Because that would have been Dork City USA.

It's TV Talk's last post! Thanks to commenters, from Rose from Chelsea to Rucci and Tall Boy. And to loyal readers Jack and John and Jo, Chris, Monica and Scott! Next time around, promise there'll be more Ultimate Fighting.