Thursday, January 22, 2009

HOW HE BROKE MY HEART

I am doing myself a favour by writing this. Though the thought of this write up brings me close to tears, I know I had to do it to ease the burden and to liberate myself from the bondage that I placed on myself.

You will understand why I am lamenting after reading this post.

If you have been following this blog, you will recall that just after my break up with Gbenga, ‘Wale’ (a medical doctor by profession) came miraculously into my life. I found him to be a caring, intelligent, kind-hearted and cool-headed guy. He has this pedigree that will make you adore him at first contact. He is handsome, gentle and bulky. He has a sense of humour and knows how to tickle me. Meeting him was something I usually look forward to everyday. Many times I missed meetings with my boss and snub official duties to keep appointment with him. I would lie to my mum that I had so many works to do in the office, but spend the whole time with Wale in his cosy apartment. I thought all was well, but I got the biggest shock of my life. Wale jilted me ‘professionally’.

Even though my heart is still bleeding, I have no choice but to continue my life. I know I will be more observant next time. Here is the full gist.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Our first date was on a Saturday. We were at Mega Plaza to have drinks and to unwind. I was just coming back from a client’s office where I’d gone to collect an outstanding balance. The client who is a very close family friend pleaded that I should help him deliver the money to the accountant because he could not find his way to the bank that day. Since the money was meant for the company and I was on my way back to the office, I accepted to help him out. Instead of going back to the office, I went to Obalende to hook up with ‘Wale’ who had been calling me to ascertain if our first day would be possible.

We later went back to Mega Plaza, our original venue. We got there around 6pm and started chatting. I noticed that he didn’t come with his car, so I asked him what happened to it. He explained that he had a minor accident the previous day but just didn’t want me to panic about it, which was why he did not inform me. He told me he lost over 300,000 to the accident and that he needed about 70,000 to balance the mechanics handling the repair of the car. The way he said those words touched me badly and I had no choice but to help him. Out of the 100,000 I was taking back to the office, I gave him 70,000 to settle the car issue. At first, he refused to collect it, but when I persisted he took it and thanked me. He really appreciated it and I was glad I helped him. I also paid for our entire entertainment that day. That was just one of the numerous assistance I did for him. I even took him to our company’s lawyer who helped him get UK visa for his younger sister with 100,000 as my own commitment. He also promised to help me purchase a half plot of land in Lekki so that I can have that as investment. Being a good idea, I trusted him and paid half of the money into his account. Though my elder sister who got to know when I was withdrawing the money objected, I was determined to TRUST him. I was ‘lost’ by his sweet projections and intelligence.

The romance blossomed by the day. I could not sleep without knowing he was alright and he also showed great concern about me. He would insist that I come for weekly check ups at his office. Most times, I go there on Saturdays when I don’t have much to do in the house. We would gist, play, kiss and romance. It was a great experience.

The bubble busted after during the New Year break. I noticed that ‘Wale’ was nowhere to be found on Xmas day. “Where on earth were you on Christmas day,” I queried him the next day.“I had to attend to a very important patient privately, so I had to switch off my phones,” He said. I insisted that he could have called me instead of being incommunicado through out that important day, but he apologized. So, I forgave him. But the same thing happened on the New Year day. I couldn’t reach him all through. When I confronted him again, he complained about network problem. Though I refused to probe further, I knew inside me that something was happening. Meanwhile, a friend told me that she spotted ‘Wale’ and his so-called sister at a bar together.“Their relationship is more that that. They are dating,” she told me but I refused to listen. I knew my man cannot lie or deceive me.

On January 4, a Sunday, I went to his house at a time I knew he would not have been around. Of course I didn’t go there to see him; I went there to interrogate his neighbour. He had at one time introduced me to the guy during one of my numerous visits, so I had no problem checking on the guy. Besides, the guy is a fresh graduate of my school, so it was very easy getting him to ‘talk’. Immediately I entered the guy’s flat, I told him my mission. As a way to forcing words out of his mouth, I told the guy I know ‘Wale’ is dating the girl that lives in his apartment but I just wanted details. When the guy heard that, he confessed. He narrated everything: How ‘Wale’ and the lady traveled for Introduction on Xmas day, how he told him that he is only planning to ‘use and dump’ me, how he intends to get more cash from me and travel abroad...

“He had gotten a UK visa for himself and the lady. They are getting married very soon,” the guy said.

When I heard up to this level, I fainted.

I woke up only to find the guy ‘fanning’ me. He had poured water on my head and I could see the surprise mood on his face when I regained consciousness. Without uttering any word, I left the place dejectedly. It was as if the whole world is crashing. I’ve just been jilted and duped by somebody I am ready to die for. I was running mad.

Later that night, the kind neighbour called me to know how I was feeling and also announced that ‘Wale’ has packed out of the place that night. “He came back when you were unconscious and discovered that you’ve known his secrets. He is out of town,” the guy announced as if that was a good news. Since then, I don’t know his whereabout and his phones are always switched off.

Even if I bump into him by chance, what will I ask from him: my heart or money? I am totally confused now.

My weakness is that I always believe whatever people say. My mum always cautions me to be critical when accepting what people say, but I just don’t care. This is the result of my carelessness. I just don’t know what to do. Who do I report to? For over three weeks I couldn’t open up to people, even my mum. That was why I was away from blogville. I didn’t know what to do – whether to tell people or pretend as if nothing happened. But come to think of it: How do I tell them of my third experience? Am I the only innocent girl in this world? What have I done wrong?

For the main time, I’ve found solace in Agbero’s blog to laugh away my sorrow. I know God will make me smile again!

1stly report him to God...and ppl wonder why I'm so cynical... That dude is a minger!! a 1st class wanker! A real scab!!! May God be the judge!

I'm so sorry Wendy! It's get better... No matter how the sun shines, there will be a little dark cloud. No matter how sweet life is, it surely has rough times. Take heart! I know it's easier said than done. But you are a brave girl, you will rise again.

This is just another lesson life taught you. Ogadinma nwane...It shall be well, my sister. xx

Tell me this fiction and I won't feel so bad. But then if it isn't, Wao, that guy is an heartless creep and an insult to manhood. I feel like pursuing him anywhere and cutting his legs off. So sorry sis. I guess life is not too fair sometimes now. But then, what counts is how we decide to shake off the dust and move on. I hope you're doing just that. Take care now. You definitely deserve better than that creep of a guy.

if this is true, then i suggest u take the life lessons out of it and move on with ur life. men know that women are very trusting especially when they love you.do not beat urself up over it, you were young and in love. people make mistakes (but i dont think u should have given him ur client's money).

I'm most definitely hoping this is not real, but wasn't this the doctor guy who was so nice at the hospital a while's back during your typhid fever whala? Wonder what came over him in the intervening period.... Guess the key is to learn from it and move on... No amount of pining will get you the money back, or heal your heart for that matter, so i think the key is leave it in God's hands, as Lati said, but also be more hard-nosed and dot-all-the-ish next time some wonderful dude comes into your life... Really big disgrace, this guy.....

You are strong in Jesus' Name. I've been in the same situation. I feel bad for hounding you for your absence not knowing you were in pain. Blogsville love from Teeee. I can't believe it - I was so happy for you thinking your time has come. Right now, focus on repaying everyone back and throw yourself back into school and work. Is it ok if I send you an email? As OluwaDee said, you can only learn. It doesn't mean every man is like Wale, in fact, he isn't even a man. Take care

sweety, i really dnt know what to say to you, the truth is you got lots of signs but you ignored it..well i know when we women fall in love we fall blindly. but its up to you to listen to urself, sometimes looks can be decieving, he was like a perfect man for you so every little thing he does you ignore it( instead of investigating it). The truth is that its a big lesson and am so happy you shared it.

1MORE THING(Money n Man ) dont go together.

wish u all the best daring and please Open ur eyes well well in ur next relationship..

ACCEPT MY SYMPATHY! BUT ALL IS NOT LOST BABE..I CAN HELP YOU TRACK DOWN THE F**CKN BASTARD..I ONLY NEED ABOUT =N=150,000.. I PROMISE TO HELP YOU RECOVER BOTH YOU "HEART & MONEY".ARRANGE HOW WE CAN MEET TO WORK OUT THE MODALITIES.cheersyour trulycashmasterkon@yahoo.com

This is very painful. Some guys are just gold diggers, but i blame you girls for falling prey. In your own case, everything is already written on the wall. From your explanation, that guy only wanted you as a means to an end, and you fell without even testing him.I'm sure you gave the guy that opportunity to dupe u.I wish u best of luck in your future relation with guys, but watch it. Stop being too nice to guys.-Olamide

I'm so sorry Wande. Half-way through your story I actually told myself you were just writing fiction, but i just couldn't shake the reality which you effortlessly conveyed. So now I'm wondering: How could you let this happen to you?? You're a naija girl, ot some doe-eyed "oyinbo" chick; so what happened? How could you let a guy string you round his fingers like that? The alarms should have sounded when he "allowed" you to pay for his car servicing - I'm a guy and NO guy worth his self-esteem allows a lady he just met to do that. I feel for you, honey. Time will heal your broken heart.

Although I have decided not to respond to the insinuating posts on your blogspot, the need to clear my name and reputation justifies my current action.

Your post is very defaming. I am not ready to be stripped off my license and hard-earned reputation and confidence I have built over the years. That is why I am taking this issue seriously.

Let me state categorically that I never duped you and I do not have any intention of doing that to you. Apart from being my sweetheart, you are also my benefactor. What do I stand to gain from pulling you down?

Yes, you have helped me in a lot of ways I cannot even remember, but I also did same for you. I gave you a helping hand when you needed it most. I know you cared so much about me and always want the best for me, but I did same to you. I reciprocated your love.

About the land issue, I never had intention of duping you. I am currently negotiating with an agent around Ajah to get you a full plot instead of a half plot at Lekki. If in any case you want your money back, please feel free to make the demand. I have made money in my life than to run away with your 750,000. I am bigger than that.

Let me also clarify the issue of relocation. I moved out of the house because I have secured another place that is more convenient for me. It is a 4-Bedroom flat with facilities that will facilitate the establishment of my own clinic. I wanted to make it a surprise package for you, but I had to open it up now for obvious reason.

As for Laide, I have explained times without number that she is my cousin’s friend, simply put, a sister. I cannot belittle myself to the extent of dating her. Maybe you have forgotten that you insisted on supporting her to travel to the UK in spite of my disapproval. Why are you complaining now? I told you to keep your money but you insisted that there is nothing to lose if you help her. Why is it now a problem? Please note that Laide read your post and was really sad. She calls me everytime from London to know how you are.

I do not have anything with Laide. She is a sister and like your sister too. Please, do not destroy your prestige!

I am sure Emeka misinformed you for reasons best known to him. I know that whatever is hidden to man, it is clear to God.

You are still my sister, sweetheart and soul mate.

I accept responsibility for the mix up, but please reason that people could use that opportunity to deliberately destroy our relationship. Please don’t let people laugh at us.

Na be soo???? Why could he not say all of this to your face? A real man will 'fess up to what the truth is. I do believe in giving second chances but this email seems seedy, there's something not right about it. Follow your heart Wande but also shoo'ara ẹ

Wande, if he doesn't have anything to hide, why was he screening your calls?? If he can find a validate answer, I will free him a wee bit. You can always 4give him and move on...Transparency is very important in relationships! he was not very open with you! that's just shady babe! tell him to return all your monies...if you are still interested in him...I support ya (dnt give him monies nymore tho) n if u r not, I also support ya! xx

What do you think yourself?If it was really a mix up, then take him back...but if he really did all that...please get your money back sharpishly...trust me your heart will heal and you will love again!

I still maintain my position; Wande, collect your money and let this guy go for good. He is not real! From the little Psychology I did as elective in school, I can easily read his emotions through the letter.

@sienne-"get on yr knees"..to do what? what has god got to do with this when HE has already bless her this babe with a sound mind to take sound decisions with. yet this Yewande of a girl still fall victim of a poorly-scripted "love scam"..this what they call "COME AND MARRY" in Nigerian 419 parlance, in case u dont know.

after reading the comments I can see u are serious. In these days of sceptics and deceit ams surprised u just doled out money for a guy u just met / started dating. As per his crappy email, it just annoyed me the more. My dear be very careful and wary and safeguard ur heart and ur money to the best of ur ability

Hope you are doing great. How is work and study? I hope you are gradually getting over this. Please don't let it weigh you down.Let the bastard go to hell, and continue your life. My belief is that there is a reason for everything in life. Just keep your head up baby!

Ok, is this one of those Nollywood scripts or what??? Take it from someone who's been through the same experience twice, men aren't worth it at all. The minute they sense that you love them more than they do, they'll manipulate you in every step. I hope you're doing ok. Pls try and update us on what's going on.

I'm quite shocked that this happens to NIgerian women ...I thought it only happens abroad ..babe what happened?

anything that involves a guy and loads of money ? you must suspect.

Hmm all I can say is only God can guide you ... I really hope you have forgotten him.

This can lead to a very hard heart so I pray your forgive and wise up my dear. I am sorry because it could easily have happened to me if I had not watched several Nigerian films and have several born n bred sisters! I am a very giving person but I have learnt sha ...

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