Glee: Idina see that coming

Guys, we’re two for two this season, right? After last week’s stellar premiere, I was preparing myself to be let down. And then? I was charmed. And moved. And excited for what’s to come.

Personally, I’m loving the Broadway-bend to these first two episodes. No big GaGa numbers. No Madonna tributes with loose storylines stuck around the outside like peanuts on a Payday.

Tonight boasted more one-liners than last week, and they’ve still got their bite. Maybe all the talk this summer about this show returning to its season one roots brainwashed me, but I really do see the parallels to the show’s earlier run.

Except there’s more Brittany now, and boy am I thankful for that.

Let’s dish.

In a nutshell: Former Vocal Adrenaline coach/one-time Shuester make-out partner/Rachel’s birth mother/Adopted mother of Quinn and Puck’s baby Shelby (Idina Menzel) is back and, unsurprisingly, that means a lot of shakeup for the greater McKinley High Community.

She’s been hired by New Directions reject Sugar’s wealthy father to start a rival glee club at the school, starring Sugar. And while she’s there, she’s also going to attempt to rekindle her relationship with Rachel and get Puck and Quinn back on track by offering to let them in their baby’s life if they shape up.

It appears as if it’s all going great for Shelby at first. She and Rachel sing an amahzing duet. Puck stops drinking, sort of, and does some homework. And Quinn? Quinn dyes her hair blonde and rejoins New Directions. Hooray! Until … TWIST! … Quinn is only pretending to be changed so she can fight for full custody of her daughter! DUN DUN DUNNNN.

Will is holding Booty Camp to help the group’s weaker dancers (*cough*FINN*cough*). There’s a slight aside about Finn deciding if he even wants to be a star at all, but it’s not very interesting and I don’t really have that much to say about. Who cares about Finn? No one? Alright then.

In other news, Will’s decided he can’t coach the team to Nationals and run the musical, so the new directors of McKinley High’s West Side Story are Beiste, Emma and Artie. Now onto the auditions!

Rachel, of course, nails her audition as Maria, but Kurt isn’t so lucky. Sure he does a great rendition of a Barbra classic, but is he butch enough to play Tony? In a word, no. Even when he tries to wow the directors with romantic scene with Rachel, they can’t even keep a (pardon the pun) straight face.

That’s not the only place where Kurt’s fabulosity is an issue. Brittany steps up to help Kurt on his campaign for student body president, but when her campaign strategy involves pink glitter, unicorns and rainbows, Kurt wishes she would take it down a notch or ten.

Just when he realizes that he should embrace all of his big, gay wonderfulness, Brittany’s launching her own campaign and Blaine is bringing down the house in his audition. Guess things can’t keep coming up Kurt forever.

Best Pop-Culture Reference: “You’re not like Rock Hudson gay, you’re really gay. You sing like Diana Ross and you dress like you own a magic chocolate factory.”

Best Sue Sylvester Line: “First of all, smoking kills. Second, it really does make you look cooler, doesn’t it?” (“I just got a text from Becky replete with hilarious auto-corrects … “)

Look At Artie, Making A Funny: “She’s like my own private Jim Henson.”

Reezen 2 Luv Brittany: “When a pony does a good deed, he gets a horn and he becomes a unicorn. Then he poops out cotton candy until he forgets he’s magical and then his horn falls off. Black unicorns become zebras.” (Runners-up: “Next you make a joke, nudge me in the ribs or like honk a horn or something;” “It happens to me all the time. My lips move, but only dust comes out.”)

Kurt Keeps It Fabulous: “Rumor has it that Judy Garland, down on her luck and thin as a baby bird, stole her Blackglama mink coat after her photoshoot. And it wasn’t even lined yet.”

Reason To Love Puck: “You look like a Real Housewife of Reno.” (Runner-up: “Turns out Napoleon? Not just a dessert, he was a real dude.”)

Say What, Beiste?: In college I was in A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum. I played the forum.”

Naughtiest Line You May Have Missed: “This is toned down. In the original, the unicorn was riding you.”

Best Musical Number: Not too many to choose from tonight. Still, all three of tonight’s numbers were hands-down fantastic. It’s really anybody’s game, but I just cannot refuse a duet between Idina Menzel and Lea Michele. It’s like going against my DNA.

The Gold Star: Shelby! The baby stuff still feels a little bonkers (and obviously is going to get nothing but more nutso), and yet Idina Menzel sells it so well. She’s a such a treasure, I can hardly contain how much I love her. There, I said it.

Blingee of the Week: It’s like when they open their mouths, nothing but pure magic comes out!Free Photo Editor

Glee airs Tuesdays at 7 p.m. on FOX, plays incessantly on my iTunes and occupies a large space in my heart.