25 Habits Of Truly Lazy Twentysomethings

Unfortunately, Seamless Web cannot deliver dignity.

By
Anna Breslaw

Nov 18, 2013

1. Getting dressed for yoga/running/anything that involves moving your body in an aerobic way, then getting distracted by some lazier endeavor. If you're eating Pocky and watching House in your workout clothes, that makes it a workout. #logic

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

2. Sleeping in past noon on at least one day of the weekend. Just like you did in your teens, but without screaming at your mom for waking you up at 3 PM. Also without the KoRn posters. Hopefully.

3. Sleeping with your laptop next to your bed so you don't have to get up to check your email in the morning. Pretty sure this is going to lead to a Hills Have Eyes mutant baby for all of us, but no, by all means, keep doing this.

4. Eating in bed. So like, basically your bed is where you do everything, except possibly have sex, since it is covered in crumbs and wires that charge iThings, you sexy beast.

5. Delaying brunch an hour or two because you can't motivate yourself to put a bra on. When you're apologetically texting your friends and delaying brunch, the most carby/privileged/yuppie meal of the whole damn week, you know you are reaching Def-Con lazy.

6. Skipping washing your hair until shit gets really dire. Like "there is not enough holy water in creation to douse and kill the godless things that are growing in your topknot" dire.

7. Same deal with cleaning your bathroom.Contagion started in a twentysomething's bathroom.

8. Same deal with changing your sheets. If they ever shine a blacklight on my bed. Sweet fancy Christ.

8. Using a laundry service. GUILTY, muhfucker. And the sad thing is, using a Laundromat to do your own rather than forcing some poor stranger to touch your dirty underwear isn't like running a triathlon. All you have to do is put your laundry in, put the detergent in, hit "cold cycle," and sit on your ass. But I am too lazy, even, for that.

9. Leaving your laundry folded in the laundry service bag for months rather than transfer and re-fold in drawers. They just, they folded it so nice!

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

10. Memorized the Seamless menu in your area. If you do not order off Seamless Web at this point, you are living in Oregon Trail and shooting your own buffalo. Or you actually have the gumption to get off RedTube and go walk over to the takeout place, you freak.

11. Ordered off Seamless more than once a day and/or the stupidest non-meal food items. Such as: One baklava and one green tea. One order of shumai and one ice cream tempura.

12. Losing any sense of shame when the Seamless delivery guys start recognizing you. "Oh, right, her again. In the same stained Seniors '05 t-shirt. Answering the door with bats flying out of her hair. Tipping me generously, her eyes alight with the madness of isolation, like a human child raised among dolphins after being the lone survivor of a plane crash."

13. Actually getting annoyed when you have to get up and answer the door when the Seamless guy comes. That pesky delivery man has interrupted your master plan to become One With Your Couch and end up needing surgical separation.

14. Sitting through the commercials during a movie because you don't want to bother skipping through the commercials. Your laziness trumps even that Swiffer commercial with the old people that annoys the hell out of you.

15. Never washing your bra or tights because they need to be hand-washed. OH, THE WOMANITY.

16. Buying new underwear in lieu of washing old ones. I am actually convinced that this is how Aerie turns a profit. (And I contribute 50 percent of said profit this way.)

17. Accepting $700 ATM fees instead of walking a little more to get to your bank and withdraw money for free. Think of how much money you'd save over the course of a year if you just walked a few more blocks! Or don't, if you like feeling sane.

18. Taking a cab, car service, or Uber in any situation where you could have walked or taken public transportation. Because, let's face it, sometimes the idea of walking anywhere is unfathomable.

19. Wearing coats missing buttons because you're too lazy to sew them on. Or safety-pinning your coat where buttons used to be, like a steampunk version of a Dickensian orphan.

20. Forgetting to pay bills until the creepy automated voice leaves you voicemails about how you owe them $408.52. "In order to ensure that your cable service continues, you can pay the entire balance, the outstanding balance, or give us your first-born child."

21. Adding water to a soap dispenser because you're too lazy to go to the store and get more. Otherwise known as "what my mother does, over and over, until the contents of said dispenser are 99 percent water." (She does it for cheapness, not for laziness.)

22. Turning dirty socks inside-out and wearing them again.

23. Being more hungover the next day because you were too lazy to drink a few glasses of water before bed. Buy a coconut water on the way home from the bar. Everything will be better.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

24. Opening the fridge and only finding a few weird condiments and one piece of old bread. No, there is no meal to be made from Sriracha, year-old hummus and that anti-aging night cream that you like to keep cold.

25. Only cooking from cans or microwavable dishes because the concept of using a "stove" or "stovetop" sounds like a Barefoot Contessa-level of commitment. What's an "oven?" They used that to cut people's heads off during the French Revolution, right?