(And as you'll see in a minute, if that reply offends you, be sure to sit this one out.)

Despite his name appearing near the top of the credits for the upcoming spy action-comedy film, the marketing campaign for Kingsmen: The Golden Circle has so far kept John's role completely shrouded in mystery. Prior to its release, his likeness has appeared only for a brief flash in one of the movie's numerous trailers.

After attending a preview screening, we can report that John has a small but recurring and absolutely vital role in the film, and that his hysterical, foul-mouthed performance steals the show every time he's on the screen.

From this point on, you are warned that we are crossing into spoiler territory. Even though we'll leave as much unsaid as possible, if you're interested enough about Elton's role in Kingsmen: The Golden Circle to read this article, it is strongly recommended that you stop reading at this point and just go see the film yourself.

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Elton John plays himself in the film. As an evil worldwide drug cartel named the Golden Circle begins enacting a heinous plan to conquer the world, we see a newspaper headline declaring that Elton has been kidnapped and missing for quite some time.

We soon learn that John is being held against his will by Poppy Adams (Julianne Moore), the Golden Circle's ruthless leader, and that he is being forced to perform concerts for her every night in a lavish but nearly empty theater.

Needless to say, the Rocket Man is not happy about serving as the human jukebox for a madwoman in charge of two cylon robot guard dogs. Every other word out of his mouth is "f----," and he unleashes his rage at Adams and her underlings in several hysterically funny comedic tantrums spread throughout the movie.

When an opportunity to escape finally comes, a fully befeathered John takes full advantage, first changing the lyrics of one of his classic songs to better match the occasion, and then going into superhero mode to kick some serious bad-guy ass.

That's the basic shape of it, but trust us, you still need to see the movie: There are twists regarding his role in the film that are not mentioned here. Suffice it to say that Elton John's Kingsmen: Golden Circle performance is well worth the price of admission for any true fan.