14 Things People Who Go To Therapy Want You To Know

When people hear a friend talk about therapy, a number of worries come to mind: Is he okay? Does he hate me? Is she suicidal? Unfortunately, knowing this, many people choose not to even attend therapy, even when they are in the most dire of situations. If people were more understanding of what therapy entails, and why people choose to attend therapy, these preconceived notions would fall to the wayside, along with the stigma attached to seeking help.

1. We’re not weak

Does going to the gym mean you’re physically weak? No. In fact, it means quite the opposite. Therapy is like a gym for your mental and spiritual well-being. Each session builds you up even more than you were before, and as you continue to work on the issues you may be facing in life, you continue to grow on a daily and weekly basis. The truly weak are the ones who avoid their problems and shelter themselves, rather than overcoming the obstacles life has thrown at them.

2. We’re not crazy

The social stigma attached to therapy is that, if you need professional help, you must be crazy. Again, that’s just not the case. Many perfectly sane, healthy individuals attend therapy to get some outside perspective about their life, especially as they navigate through rough experiences. Even therapists go to therapy! It’s not a matter of not being able to help yourself; it’s a matter of getting advice from a professional who sees things objectively and understands the best course of action to take.

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3. We’re not medicated

Those attending therapy should not be looking for a quick fix. In fact, quick fixes, such as using alcohol or drugs, are usually part of the reason people begin attending therapy. Self-medicating simply masks larger issues that we’ve ignored or avoided in our daily lives; but when the effects of the drug wear off, the problems still exist. It takes much more willpower to confront your issues and tackle them than it does to drink a ton of beer and forget your problems exist for a couple hours. And when you confront your issues without the use of alcohol or drugs, you wake up stronger the next day, ready to take on the world once more.

4. We’re not wasting our time

There is absolutely no reason to think spending an hour a week getting your thoughts and feelings in order is a waste of time. In fact, if we all spent more time collecting ourselves, the world would most likely be in better shape than it is. Not only is the time spent in a session helpful, but it also helps us use our time outside of therapy more wisely. Going back to the gym metaphor, you wouldn’t go to the gym once a week and eat McDonald’s the rest of the time; you’d also start eating healthier, making healthier decisions, etc. Same with therapy. You carry with you the lessons learned in the short session throughout the week, making a better use of every moment of your day.

5. We’re not wasting our money

Yes, therapy can be expensive. But can you really put a price on your well-being? If the answer is yes, then you’re ironically a great candidate to start attending sessions! Going back to the last point, yes, the sessions might seem expensive, but if you utilize the lessons learned correctly and carry them with you throughout your life, the money amount completely evens out. $150 for an hour may seem like a lot, but if you use what you learned in that hour all week, assuming you’re awake for about 130 hours a week, you’re really only spending about a dollar an hour. Is your happiness and success really not worth a dollar an hour?

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6. We’re not alone

A lot of people, when they find out a friend is in therapy, tend to wonder why their friend didn’t come to them, or doesn’t just go to their family with their problems. Well, the truth is, we know we can, but we don’t want to burden everyone else with our problems. Plus, we most likely already know the responses we’ll get from specific people if we go to them. Again, a therapist is an objective professional who won’t judge you, and won’t give you the stock answers most friends give to each other, even if they mean well. Sometimes explaining your issues to someone you don’t know can be more beneficial than discussing them with someone you’re close with.

7. We don’t talk about you

We don’t go to our therapists to gossip or talk trash about our closest friends. In fact, it’s usually quite the opposite. Everything discussed in a therapy session is meaningful and productive, which gossip certainly is not. We might talk about you, but anything negative we might say will ultimately come back to us from the therapist as “Well why do you feel this way about so and so?” It really is all about us. The sitcom joke of “My therapist said you need x, y, z” is simply a running gag that refuses to die, and has no factual basis in real therapy.

8. We’re okay with needing help

Although there usually is some catalyst that is the “straw that broke the camel’s back,” most people who attend therapy have been thinking of doing so for some time. Unfortunately, because of the stigma attached to it, people often wait until their breaking point before they decide to attend therapy. But it shouldn’t have to be that way. If it was more socially acceptable to engage in therapeutic sessions, more people would attend before they reach their wit’s end. But at any rate, the mere act of going to therapy shows that a person is okay with needing help, and is willing to seek it out from a professional.

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9. We’re not necessarily in a bad place

Although many wait until they’re in dire straits before attending therapy, others are more proactive, and use therapy to avoid bad situations rather than to get out of them. Maybe they see the writing on the wall, or they’ve started out on a path to detrimental habits or hobbies, and want to head them off before things get to bad. Maybe everything is going fine, and they want to keep it that way. Whatever the case may be, attending therapy is a surefire way to get out of the funk you’ve been in, and ensure that you don’t stay too long in a “bad place.”

10. We’re not there for a set period of time

Therapy isn’t one of those “I think I’m cured, doc!” type of appointments. It’s merely a catalyst to get you moving in the right direction. As was mentioned before, the hour spent in a therapy session means nothing if it’s not acted on throughout the week. Yes, there will come a time when you don’t need your therapist anymore, or quite as frequently, but your self-improvement is always a work in progress. In fact, the moment you think “I’m good now, thanks!” is probably the moment you become complacent and stoic. Therapy is a springboard toward a better life, but you will always need to put in effort even after your sessions are over.

11. We don’t need you to feel bad for us

Like we mentioned before, being in therapy doesn’t mean we’re in a “bad place.” And it doesn’t mean we’ve changed who we are completely. We don’t need pity, because we actually feel stronger than we ever have before. It’s fairly ironic that people might feel bad for friends who are in therapy, but never felt bad for them before they started their sessions. Wouldn’t a good friend have noticed something was wrong before having to be told about it point blank?

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12. We aren’t bossed around by our therapist

The old saying is true: You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t force him to drink. Our therapists definitely don’t tell us what to do. They would be wasting their time. However, they can guide us to make our own decisions using their professional observations and opinions. Once the therapist and the patient are able to find the best course of action, the patient is the one who needs to take the steps. Honestly, if a therapist were to blatantly tell you how to live your life, would you even listen?

13. We can’t recommend a therapist for you

Therapy just isn’t for everyone. Like we mentioned, it’s not a magic cure-all, and some people might not work well with specific therapists. What works best for me might not work at all for you. But, what we can tell you is, if you’ve been debating going to a session, absolutely do it. If you have an inkling at all that you might need some professional assistance, there is no reason not to give it a try. You might not like it, and might choose to discontinue services. On the other hand, going to therapy might actually change your life.

14. We’re not suicidal

This is a big one. The biggest misconception about people in therapy is that they’re teetering on the edge of Hamlet-ville. If it’s not obvious by now, let me make it clear: not all people in therapy want to die. People in therapy are there because they want to live. It’s those who are on a path of self-destruction, that choose not to better themselves, that run the risk of an untimely demise. Those who attend therapy are actively trying to get better, and, by taking this first step, they ensure that tomorrow will be a better day.

10 Simple Morning Exercises That Will Make You Feel Great All Day

There are lots of studies that show if you do some exercise in the morning, you will be in a better mood all day long. You will have more energy and you will certainly be a better colleague, friend or partner.

One psychologist at Duke University has researched the effects of exercise on depressed patients and he has come to the conclusion that exercise has a definite role in treating this condition and has an important role in preventing people from relapsing.[1] According to the New York Times, scientists have now established that exercise also boosts your brain power.[2]

In addition, there are studies from the Appalachian State University which show that blood pressure can be reduced by doing regular morning exercise.[3]

Here are 10 simple morning exercises that will help you feel great the whole day long. You can include some of them in your morning exercise routine or do them all at home without having to enrol in a gym. Consult your doctor before starting any form of exercise routine if you are new to this.

1. Cat Camel Stretch

Stretching exercises are useful for muscle toning and also preventing arthritis. They can either be dynamic or static.

Dynamic ones such as the cat camel stretch, are particularly useful for doing other exercises in the morning. They are also beneficial at other times of the day, especially after long periods of sedentary work. This one is great for spinal flexibility and is a good warm up exercise.

Kneel down on all fours. Start by rounding your back just like a camel so that your head will try to meet your pelvis. This is the camel position. Then lower and lift your head so that your lower back is arched. This is the cat position. Do these movements slowly and smoothly. About 4 or 5 times.

Here’s a video to guide you through:

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2. Go for a Walk or a Run

This is better done outside so that you can connect with nature but running inside on a treadmill is almost as good. You can time yourself and increase length and time according to your fitness program.

Always have new goals to reach. Start with brisk walking and work up to running. At my age, I am still walking!

The health benefits are considerable. You can build stronger bones and you can help to maintain your weight.

3. Jumping Jacks

Michelle Obama is a great fan of this exercise and has become “Jumper in Chief.”[4] They are great for cardiovascular health and also for toning muscles especially the calves and the deltoids.

Stand with feet together. Jump while spreading your arms and legs. Return to first position and keep going! You can start with doing these for 1 minute and then gradually build up to the number you are comfortable with. Here’s how:

4. Abductor Side Lifts

Watch the video below to see how to do this exercise. These muscles are important because you use them everyday to run, get into the car or onto and off a bicycle. They are very important also for your core stability and prevent the pelvis from tilting.[5]

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Do about 10 to 15 raises for each side like this:

5. Balancing Table Pose

This is a classic yoga pose. It benefits the spine, balance, memory and concentration.

Start with the table pose (hands and knees). Breathe in before starting each movement. As you exhale, raise your left leg parallel to the floor as you raise the right arm, also parallel to the floor. Breathe in as you lower arm and leg. Repeat for the other side. 10 repetitions on each side is a good starting point.

Stand with your feet a bit further out from your hips. Arms are out in front of you. Then lower yourself as if you wanted to sit down until you reach a 90 degree angle. You can go down further if you want to. Then return to the starting position. Repeat 15 times for 2 sets for beginners.

The benefits are that these exercises help with knee stability and can benefit the leg muscles such as quadriceps, hamstrings and calves.[6]

7. Push Ups

You start lying down (face down) but with your body held up at arm’s length. Your hands should be in line with your shoulders. Breathe in as you lower your body. That is fairly easy. Now, as you exhale, you have to get back up to the starting position.

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An easier version to start with is to bend your legs at the knees so you do not have to lift your whole body.

Beginners may take up to a month to be able to do 100 push ups so you will have to start with a very small number and gradually increase it.

This exercise is great for strengthening the chest, shoulders and the triceps. It is a great strengthening exercise for many muscle groups. In fact, most muscles from the toes to the shoulders are being used.

8. Bicycle Crunches

There are numerous crunch exercises targeting the abs. The bicycle crunch is a variation where you work more muscle groups. Aim for 15 to 20 reps to start off with.

Watch the video to see how this is done correctly:

9. Lunges

Stand with feet shoulder width apart. Place your hand on your hips. Take one giant step forward with the right leg. Make sure the knee does not go too far forward, that is, past your toes. The left knee will go down to almost floor level. Alternate the legs as you go on.

Try to do a set of between 8 and 12 reps for each leg. It is important to allow for a day of rest, so this exercise should be done on alternate days, especially if you are using weights.

This exercise is great for strengthening and toning the quadriceps, glutes and hamstrings.

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10. Bicep Curls

You can do this sitting down so if you spend a lot of time on the phone, this is a great exercise to do.

Choose suitable dumbbells or another household object that you can easily hold. Sit down with the dumbbell in your hand. You need to sit forward a bit so that your triceps can lean on your thigh to give you support.

Then bring the weighted arm up to shoulder length and then down again. Exhale as you lift the weight and inhale as you lower it.

Here’re some important notes before you start doing this exercise:

Try to do one or two sets of about ten repetitions for each arm and then switch arms.

These exercises are really useful for toning the arm muscles.[7]In addition, they can strengthen and tone the brachioradialis muscle located in the forearm. These are the muscles we use to pick up things when we flex the arm at the elbow so we use these muscles countless times a day.

You may have to build in a rest day for the heavier exercises, numbers 6–10. On the rest days, you can do gentler stretching exercises and also some walking or running.

Morning exercise is not only a great mood booster, but will help you keep your weight down and also sleep better![8] Start including one or some of these exercises in your morning routine!