Here's Michele Bachmann being pretty damn vague about why she's leaving Congress. Did you shudder when she called you her "good friend," or was that just me?

Given recent events — claimed Obamacare would "literally" kill women, continued to evade claims she violated Senate ethics rules, much, much more — that don't, of course, stand out from the rest of the unbearable, confusing hangover that is her political career — we don't really need to know more. Bye! Please go into reality TV next. Bravo needs you.