This blog is dedicated to caring and caregiving. We are a forum for a broad spectrum of issues concerning physical and emotional health, aging, medical care, and spiritual well-being. Discussions are welcome for all topics that involve caring and caregiving.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Or is it one of the many other kinds of dementia that slowly rob our loved ones of their identities? It matters not which dementia they have. The effect is pretty much the same.

So I finally “got it.” Maybe you have too. But, if not, consider this: Chances are your loved one would be embarrassed to death if his earlier, healthy, self could see him now.

It’s up to us as caregivers to recognize that Mom or Dad (or spouse) are not being difficult on purpose, and to forgive them—daily if necessary. They just can’t help themselves.

DEMENTIA CAREGIVERS OFTEN FEEL ISOLATED

They need lots of caregiver support. For a very long time, I felt TOTALLY ISOLATED—like I was the only one in the whole world carrying the burden of caring for an aging parent. I bet you sometimes do too.

Be good to yourself. Seek dementia support services wherever and whenever you can.

That’s what I did and gradually I realized that I WAS NOT ALONE! Thousands of people were experiencing exactly what I was—dealing with memory loss and unpleasant behavior in a loved one, every moment of every day.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

I couldn’t tell. I was too close to it. I got mad every time she lashed out at me…or else I felt embarrassed whenever her target was someone else (usually in public places)—or when she over-ate without remembering that she had just eaten—or when she asked the same question over and over and over—or she was physically aggressive—or (you can fill in the blanks with other things that make you crazy).

Every time Mom did something socially unacceptable (I won’t catalogue these things—you know what they are), my anger raged. Afterwards, of course, I felt guilty for getting angry. Well, I didn’t have to feel this way…and neither do you.

Here’s what the social worker told me:

“DEMENTIA IS A DISEASE PROCESS”

“Cool it buddy!” she said. “It’s not about you. It’s about her. It’s a disease process—an illness.” So recognize the wisdom of the social worker’s advice.

Learn to ignore the bizarre behaviors of your loved one and to accept them as “normal” symptoms of dementia disease (and to not take them personally even when they seem to be personal). You’ll be a much happier person and a much better caregiver.

Remember: Your Mom can’t control her dementia symptoms any more than if it were pneumonia, or heart disease, or cancer. Things are happening in her brain that make her do the things that upset you.