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Monday, May 21, 2012

"Oh boy! another handmade card/tie/stepping stone!!!" will not be the words uttered out of MY Man's mouth this year. If you don't want to file yet another craft away for Dad, I suggest you read the following:

Get together with your girlfriend wives and get rid of send the boys off:

Arrange for them to go camping
Sometimes a man needs to go into the woods and build a fire, and sit around it, and stare. He needs plenty of wood to add to the fire so that it lasts the entire trip, so make sure to send him with a large and unreasonable ax/saw/chainsaw, whatever his fancy. He needs another man around him so they can sit there and not speak to each other. He needs to get the not-speaking out of his system.

Arrange for him to go hunting or fishing
Sometimes a man just needs to kill something. Killing that spider last month, unless it was a tarantula, just didn't cut it. And unless you were fortunate enough to have a large poisonous snake or a wild hog come into your yard, his protection instincts have not been honed properly.

Ball Games
Sometimes a man needs to sit on the sidelines and yell at other men, and tell those other men how much they suck at life.

Golfing
Some times a man needs to hit something other than the trashcan on the curb, with the car.

Concert
Because there is are only a limited amount of times you can watch your husband get completely annihilated at a Jimmy Buffett concert with his friends. Make sure to get him a taxi and a hotel. You don't want to smell him after that mess.

If he doesn't have any friends living near by and you are SUPER cool to be around, go with him. Use great discretion in that decision. Most Mom's super cool radars are pretty far off since they birthed children. Not yours of course, but most others.

Maybe you can't arrange for any of the above. Maybe you just tell him "Hey, I'm going take the kids to grandma's/shopping/cross country. I went ahead and called in a timed delivery meat pizza, hot wings, and a bucket of chicken, all dark meat. Cold beer isalready on ice. Oh, and I don't mind if you build a hobo fire in the back yard. And make sure to play music, that only you like, really loud so that the neighbors will think we are rednecks".

Totally Manly Suggestion #2: Manly Gifts

Oh, these are gooood. If you are going to spend the money, why not spend it on a gift that will last for months?

One of our favorite things to do with the kids is something we call a Pajama Run.We put the kids to bed just like every other night and then after
about 5-10 minutes, we run in yelling “Pajama Run! Get in the car!
Hurry! Go! Go!”Then we take them to get ice cream at a drive in restaurant like Sonic.Getting ice cream is normal. Getting ice cream in your pj’s after bedtime? Awesome.

(Note: If you do this with your kids, you might want save the yelling
and screaming until the second time you do it. Don’t want to freak them
out. Also, we have a rule that if they ask for a PJ Run, we
automatically can’t do one. This is key as it spares you from daily
begging.)

Sonic is now offering the After Moon Delight deal all summer. After 8 pm you get 1/2 off all ice cream shakes.

Perfect! Bedtime for little man is 8 pm. aaandd he happens to enjoy milkshakes. aaandd this would be a good excuse for me to get in on that action. I believe the stars have aligned.

I don't know how we will pull off the pajama thing seeing as my boy likes to sleep free-willy-nilly.