OK, John, Journey/Def Leppard last summer was an awesome show! And not just because of the bud cookies, beers, or 8 joints I smoked. I would smite the following:

All dirty south rappers, especially Master P, Paul Wall, Young Jeezy, and all of the others who are unoriginal. Scott Storch. Mike Jones apparently makes album after album of repeating his name along with illegal sampling of Pac Man sound effects. The ghetto is nothing to celebrate.

Puffy/Diddy/Asshole, for ruining countless songs and "dancing" and "rapping" on everyone else's shit.

Buffett. All other country artists. Hillbilly-ness is nothing to celebrate.

Ozzy. Call it blasphemous, as I am a metalhead. He is like Old Yeller--he's brought you good times, but he has to be put out of his misery. He also lets his money hungry bitch of a wife run/ruin his shit. She also played very juvenile games in 2005 because she was sick of Iron Maiden upstaging him for an entire tour, as they should/would/could.

Pearl Jam. It took over ten years, but in an issue of Guitar World, Mike McCready admitted that the solo in "Alive" was a direct ripoff of The Doors "Five to One", which I knew back then Unoriginal fuck!

Nirvana, preferably beforehand. Since that can't happen, at least Kurt Cobain did us all a favor. Well, Dave Grohl is an awesome drummer.

Journey's pre-primped hair early 70s recordings are HEAVVVY and Steve Perry-less. Chicago's first album contains an extended axe massacre that wouldn't sound out of place on a Keiji Heino/Fushitusha or Six Organs Of Admittance record. I'd smite all that bouncy protools-laden indie shite (except for Yo La Tengo, which based on Tuesday's concert, is gracefully transforming into psychedelic freakout energy sludge of Acid Mothers-proportions). Man, what a great show!

Did you hear the latest news about Britney? She happened to be in NYC last month and saw a Tusco Terror tour t-shirt (the shirt features a shaved-head Britney with a t.t. marked on her forehead ala manson) and found out they were doing a show in Brooklyn the next night. She went to this show and it blew her away - I guess she became a born-again noizer or something right then and there because now she wants to reject harmonious pop music altogether in favor of noise, sweet noise. It's crazy, but last I heard, she changed her name to Britney Shears and was seeking out someone to show her the ropes, explain the mysterious little black boxes, etc and I think she was actually trying to hook up with John Elliot of Emeralds or something. Holy crap.

So, there is a possibility of Britney being taken off your smite-list, slim of a chance as that may be.

I think GWAR when ever they send promo posters for shows to places with their coming attractions they should include a statement warning newcomers that they will get wet and stained when they attend a show. You would not believe how many people bitch about how their clothes get ruined when they go to a show.

About two years ago I was doing security for a Murphy's Law show...one of those days that was snowing real bad and you were stuck where ever you were that day... I was in charged of getting kids off the stage (which sucks cause Jimmy from Murphy's law loves bringing kids on to the stage....but hey that was what the boss lady told me to do.) I end up grabbing a kid ...who I repeatably had to tell to get of the stage... of course seeing me as a figure of authority, he kind of blew me off...

I go ahead and grabbed the kid by the shirt and dragged him off the stage area and pulled him of to the side...

Now mind you this kid is at a Murphy's Law show...

.....Where he is trying really hard to impress people by slam dancing and getting on the stage with Jimmy so he can have Yeager poured all over his face...

....This same kid who got up on stage and started grabbing, hitting and swinging people... all with no discrimination... Comes up to me ... before I can ever get a word in edgewise... and yells at me from stretching out (as he stated...)... His "One of a kind... limited edition... punk rock shirt"

?!WHAT!?

I could not believe me ears... I looked at him... then I looked at the stage... at the band...Back to him ( To make the situation more ironic "Gotta have fun" was being sang at the time) ... I rub my eyes and to make sure I was not just hallucinating doing security at a Murphy's Law show and instead I was really just selling Merch for a band of the likes of MOFRO (let me tell you, that sucked mayor ass.)

This KID demanded to see management and to be compensated for his "one of a kind special edition punk rock shirt" that he did not want stretched out (read this sentence again to get the full effect of the stupidity of that statement.)

This was the same type of reaction I usually got in school when I got into fights... and where 9/10 times the guy who I was fighting was more concern about getting his clothes dirty than getting punched on the throat...(yes I just revealed my secrete... you fight me... you get one on the throat right away....I don't like fighting much less anything that requires some type of coordination...(If it can't be done in 2 hits... run...words to live by... Kids.)

ANYWAYS

Needless to say... I let the Kid see the manager ...Just cause I new what her reaction would be......Basically it all ended with a ...." Get yo' mother F'N, Corney, ass outta here before I smacks the white out of you.

Xpat SEZ:

1)You go to a Hip Hop Show.... Expect to Hip and Hop
2)You go to a Folk show .... you can bring yer folks along
3)You do country .... Branson, MO is your kind of town
4)You do soul .... through the good or bad, happy or sad

5) However, if you ya are going to go to something that has the word HARDCORE... in there some were chances are in your favor that you may just get some kind of HARDCORE treatment...at least just maybe your freaking shirt stretch.

For those who need extra help...

DON'T WEAR YER EASTER SUIT WHEN YOU ARE GOING TO A SHOW UNLESS... THE SHOW IS SUNDAY EASTER MASS!

Your ex-wife was a born again that's into a show that glorifies the occult? Hmmmm... I think someone needs to get locked in the little room in the attic and pray for forgivness. Forgivness for watching Buffy and for her "dirty pillows".

Hungry like a wolf was a good song (In my opinion). To take this even further and so my lovely lady does not have to be the only one to embarrass them selves liking “crappy” bands … I like the “Hungry Like a wolf” acoustic cover version that the band Hole had in one of their imports…. Which by the way I use to own back in middle school cause I use to think they were bad asses. Which gives me an Idea for a new topic…
See you there!

I hate John Tesh so much. Is he a musical artist? I think he is. I go to Salvation Armies a lot and they play the Fish and I always have to listen to him giving advice that any schmuck could go read off of the internet... but he acts like he made it up and is all smug about it, but I heard in real life he is a wife beater or some such thing.

Speaking of Hole... Were any station members present when Courtney Love got her clothes ripped off when she went crowd surfing in Cleveland? Ms. Love then supposedly said that she would never play Cleveland again. No big loss in my opinion. The last thing we need is for the fallen widow Cobain to inflate the Heroin prices as soon as she sets foot in this city. Cleveland heroin for Cleveland junkies!!!

I always wondered if this event was more urban legend then fact. I've never cared enough about the widow Cobain to see if it really happened.

Oh I almost forgot...Why won't Courtney Love be having any cranberry sauce for Thanksgiving this year? Fallen rock goddess Courtney love, former singer in the band Hole won't be having any craaaanberrrrryyyyy sauce with her Thanksgiving diner. Why won't Courtney Love, the widow Cobain be having any....

It happpened. Lollapalooza '95. I was there. It was before I was a station member. Before I even lived in the Cleveland area, in fact...

I didn't actually see it with my own eyes because we only had tickets for the lawn and couldn't go anywhere near the actual stage. But I heard the commentary about it from the stage. And then Sonic Youth played right after Hole, and Kim said something like "We're not going to take off our clothes or anything. You've seen enough."

That reminds me... Pavement was there! And I didn't like them. Because I'd only heard "Rattled By the Rush". Being from the outskirts of Appalachia, I hadn't been able to get exposed to any of their really good songs yet. So, I didn't get to appreciate the idea of seeing Pavement when I had the chance. I think my friend and I went exploring other areas of the concert while they were playing. Fuck!

But yeah, I really liked Hole then. But now... not so much.

Anyway, continuing with your joke...

...craaaaanberry sauce to go with her mashed potatoes? Good to see you! Does anyone know why she won't be having any craaaaaaaanberry sauce--Come on, say it with me! Why she won't be having any craaaaaaaaanberry sauce to go with her candied yams? Are there candied yams out in the audience? Okay, nice to see you, too. Does anyone know why disgraced vocalist Courtney Love...

I've ben meaning to start a thread here and on 669.es for "guilty pleasures. Always liked Duran Duran. As I grow older and more intuned to the MUSIC, as the hooks have ALWAYS been there, I realize that they are/were GREAT musicians, especially Nick Rhodes on bass. Only Bootsy is better @ funkin' it up!

The one band who I smite. I fucking smite.....Of ALL the groundbreaking psychedelic drug music going on at the time, why the FUCK does the psychedelic drug cultish touring lifestyle scene go to the pathetic Grateful Dead. Hillbillies. That is not psychedelic music. Do not eat acid and listen to the Grateful Dead, you'll feel uncomfortable if you have an IQ over 80. There is plenty of great country and bluegrass and psych. None of it was ever played by the Grateful Dead.

I know why Courtney Love won't be having any ccrrraaaaaaaaaaaaannnberry sauce to with the stuffing. But seriously, does anyone else know why Courtney Love won't be having any craaaaaaaannnnnnnnberry sauce?