A blog in reviewal of all those good times had as a child in front of a glowing screen. Whether it be an old Mac, an old PC, Nintendo, or Sega...all brands, genres and skill-levels will be covered in detail. Were you a fan of NBA Jam? How about The Secret of Monkey Island? Or were you more of a Power Pete kind-of-guy?
No matter what your platform, this blog is for you.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

A Bit of Psychosis: Loaded

HOW MANY BITS, MERCER? 7/8 BITS.

Loaded, if you had a Playstation and were into bloody, gory, shoot 'em ups without much of an intense plot line, was perfect—and still is perfect, really, for what it is. Re-Loaded, its sequel that was released a year later, was ALSO good—keeping the same gameplay with some new characters to play and updated graphics. Both were designed by MobyGames and are outstanding, though I couldn't find an online venue for those of you not familiar to give it a try. Find a friend with a Playstation, and get on that sweet, sweet Loaded action. Below the jump there is some video of gameplay, if you are left wanting more of a taste, but have no way to get your hands on a dusty old console.

Both Loaded and Re-loaded feel like a strange cross between Splatterhouse 3 and Borderlands. While the shitty graphics, and kill-everything-in-the-room mentality are similar to Splatterhouse 3, the idea of the psychopaths that drives the plot of the game is similar to the class of "Psycho" in Borderlands. Even the intro to the game is similar in its own way:

Loaded is set in the future, when mankind has essentially colonized the whole universe. F.U.B (short for Fat Ugly Boy) is the antagonist in this twisted world—a cook in the Marines who drops "Plusgrial Fnart Jiz Powder" into his cooking pots to feed the team. This is all backstory, mind you. On a long stint in the desert F.U.B. discovers that they have run out of meat rations, and amputates his own legs to boil down and serve to the soldiers in a hot broth—yes, I know. It's sordid...and AWESOME. Because of this faux pas, he is banished from the Marines and then becomes a space pirate that appears to be going through either a psychotic breakdown, or a midlife crisis.

Anyway, that brings us to the gameplay—you can play one of six characters:

Mamma, a plasma gun shooting baby-like creature

Fwank, a old-fashioned clown (eerily similar to Fiddlesticks from League) that
wields an Explosive Teddy Bear

Bounca, a bad-mofo with a missile launcher

Vox, and her Hail Flail (In Re-loaded, Vox is replaced by The Consumer, and Sister Magpie—both equally interesting characters.)

Butch with the Flame Thrower, and

Cap'n Hands and his Flintlock Pistols.

Each of these characters are psychotic mercenaries that were framed by F.U.B for particularly heinous crimes (that he committed). They are serving their life sentences out of Raulf, an alien planet, where F.U.B is climbing his way up the prison ranks to get to them by killing all of his superiors.

Basically, long story short, the psychos (you can play two of them in two player mode, if you'd like) chase F.U.B. around the galaxy trying to kill him and running into his strange hijinks—turns out he's stolen a timey-wimey tool (A La Doctor Who) to mess around with space and time. The ultimate goal is to defeat him. And kill all the things, of course.

It also bears noting that the game was designed so that it could also be played as a CD if put into a player, and included songs from Pop Will Eat Itself, Pat Phelan, and Neil Biggin. Another reason to play it—the music is mostly early-90s sludgy, but pretty good for what it is.

Despite the fact that, as critics note, this is not a "cerebral game" it is a fun one, and enjoyable nonetheless. Find it! Try it!