Because Ol' Hollyweed is so reliable but still up for a little calculated risk—every year we pray for a farthingale—the 2017 awards-show season is perfect for bingo, a game retirees in Boca like to play before eating a buffet of soft foods at 4 p.m. Print out the board below, or keep track on your phone and a separate sheet of paper, we don't care. As you watch, mark down any sightings, preferably with a stamp-y pen that would also be really good for dispensing blush. First one to five in a row wins the satisfaction of shouting "BINGO!!!!!" and startling all her friends, who just wanted to watch the Emmys in peace for once, GAWD, CHELSEA.

Note: This board also doubles as a lo-fi drinking game: You could perhaps take a sip for every square, or a shot, if you have a death wish.

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