News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

The Holsworthy Small Penis group have claimed responsibility from the terrible Graffiti in Holsworthy earlier this week. The Group claimed the damages last night via a grainy video with a goat in the background while wearing face masks.

When approached, they explained they did it out of frustration, but we know better. We know this wasn’t them and why it wasn’t them. We believe they’re trying to strike fear into the townspeople in order to get some “laid”, whatever that is.

Our investigation department found that 3 IP addresses from internet connections in Holsworthy was searching for penis enlargement pills, one of these computers also had a browser open with a search for “how to tell the difference between MDMA and Penis Enlargement Medication”. The computers were being used actively all night while the crimes where being committed by a bunch of massive dicks.

Furthermore, we would of found Graffiti relating to penises around Holsworthy with evidence of denial if it was the Small Penis group.

The whole scenario reminds me of the times when another large group of idiots in the Middle East claimed responsibility for attacks that they really didn’t have anything to do with. What a bunch of plonkers.