Thursday, September 16, 2010

1- i may not have ended up where i intended to go, but i think i ended up where i needed to be.

2- it's strange how memory gets twisted and pulled like taffy in its retelling, how a single event can mean something to everyone present.

3- just because people treat you like shit, just because you may feel like shit sometimes, doesn’t mean you are shit. you can make something out of your life. you can give of yourself in this world to make it a better place.

4- so today i read something psychologist said. He said that the majority of people live within a box, and that’s their entire reality. all they see is the inside of the box, and they’re ‘asleep’ to anything else. people that have suffered from some form of mental illness are ‘awake’, because they've seen reality outside the box. he said no matter how hard people try to put that person back into the box, they will never fit, because they’ve seen something beyond it all.

5- she’s the girl that believes that what comes around goes around. the one that hopes for a better day. the one that won’t give up on you. she’s the girl that’s unlike the rest. the one that spent her days smiling, and her nights crying. she’s the girl that would love to be loved. the one that looks so damn strong, but feels so weak. she’s the girl that picks herself up every time she falls.

6- even though i'm moving on, i will never forget you. all because you were my first true love. and there will come a time in my life when i will thank you for that because by you breaking my heart, it made me a little bit stronger and you made me a little bit closer to finding the one that i'm meant to spend the rest of my life with. the scary thing is; all the pain you put me through, with a snap of your fingers i'd run back so fast. so i bet you love to know you can have me at any moment if you want.

7- don't come back to me, asking for a chance.I wont, i gave you far too many, you were just too blinded by your deamons to see it. so when i finally find someone who i could possibly fall in love with, don't come by saying i never gave you a chance. i gave you one, a big one. i was in love with you for so long. i waited, but i'm done waiting.

8- you don't like me? i don't care. you think i'm stubrn & stuck up? well, that's your opinion. you think I could lose some pounds? well, i will tell you right now that you are nothing close to perfect. the point is, what people think does not matter one single bit. just love yourself because in reality you can't love anyone else if you don't love yourself.

9- reach for the stars, stand on your tiptoes, and never tell yourself no. you, yes you, can achieve anything. it may take months, it may take years, but when you finally have a firm grasp on a star, the reward is breathtaking.

10- before you can grow up, you must fall in love three times. once, you must fall in love with your best friend, ruining your friendship forever. this will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship and more. once you must fall in love with someone you believe is perfect. you will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as anything less than you deserve. and once, you must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you. this will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be. and when you're through with all that, you learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that hurt you are the ones that needed you the most. but most of all, you learn that love is only a concept and is not something that can be defined, it is different to each and every person on this earth, knowing that everyone only wants to be loved.

11- i don't need a rose, i want a daisy you'll picked for my hair. i don't want a box of fancy chocolates, i want a burnt cookie you'll made just for me. i don't want to go to some upscale restaurant, let's just have a picnic in the park. we don't have to go to a club, we can just dance on my front porch until we're tired.

12- when i like a person, i actually like them. it's not one of those three day crush type things. it's a hardcore, can't get them off my mind thing. and that's why i haven't liked all that many people. but eventually i get over them when i find someone new. but with him, no matter who i find, i can't erase him. he's going to be the one i'll always like.

13- i hope you know that you were once the most important person in my life, for a very long time. you were the guy i thought about while listening to all those songs, the one guy who made me actually look forward to waking up in the morning. you were the guy who could make or break me. who had my heart, but never bothered to do anything about it.

14- it's funny how you can be face to face with someone and yet it feels as though you're on the other side of the world from them. they haven't actually gone anywhere, but they might as well have. it's one of the worst feelings to become acquainted with: to miss someone who's literally right there.

15- too often we're scared. scared of what we might not be able to do. scared of what people might think if we tried. we let our fears stand in the way of our hopes. we say no when we want to say yes. we sit quietly when we want to scream and we shout when we should keep our mouths shut. why? after all, we do only go around once, there's really no time to be afraid. Just do it.

16- he didnt really do anything wrong to me. i mean yes i liked him more than he obviously liked me, but the only thing he is truly guilty of is teasing me. it's the cute texts, the long hugs, the way he makes me feel. all he's guilty of is making me insanely happy and then taking that away by dating other girls and never wanting to truly be with me. i can't even blame him for it. it's my fault for falling so damn easily.

17- she's deeper than you think she is. she has secrets of her own, little secrets no one must know, but all you see is the outer image, the genuine smile and funky flip flops. she smiles because that's who she is, but there is pain, and hurt, you just can't see it. you see what she wants you to see, you'll never know the truth. she's scared that you will judge her, but even if you don't make a sound, you won't ever see the things that bring her down.

18- i don't think you're leaving. i think you're running. and what i can't figure out is, are you running towards something you want? or are you running away from something you're afraid to want?

19- you only find a few people in this world, a few people who will tell you they love you and actually mean it with all their heart. don't forget those people who stood by you through it all, the special few that were there for you until the very end.

1- people too weak to follow their own dreams will always find a way to discourage yours.

2- i know that there are days when you feel that your heart is broken again. do you know why? because instead of walking forward, you hurt yourself by looking back.

3- this year, do what makes your happy and forget about the things that may stand in the way of that feeling. let go of the pain that was caused by trying to find love and this year, let love find you. you have 365 days to make it wonderful.

4- missing someone gets easier everyday because even though you are one day further from the last time you saw them, you are one day closer to the next time you will.

5- distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. it's for the ones that are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. it's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough.

6- someday, everything will come together. but until then, live it up; do what makes you happy. if someone doesn't agree, then screw them. pick yourself up and deal when shit happens. remember that mistakes only make us stronger, everything happens for a reason, the only regrets you will have in life are the risks that you didn't take, and well-behaved women rarely make history. above all else, go with your gut and guard your heart.

7- imagine a world with endless dreams, dreamt with all eyes open. a world filled with sunshine beams and words for the deaf spoken. imagine a world in color and the black and white will soon go. a world where we can love each other and where every star can glow.

8- buy a blank notebook. draw a huge heart on the cover. don't write anything negative in here. if you need another outlet, make a separate notebook. this one is all about love, personal growth and getting back up. fill it with beautiful images, reaffirming thoughts and quotes. write in it every day and each day write one thing you are grateful for in your life.

9- here's to the nights when the grass is your seat, the heat from the fire kisses your feet, your friends out-number the stars, and even the chilliest of nights, are still warmer than the cold one in your hand.

10- ﻿you're a book written in ten different languages. all of them beautiful. none of them i understand.

11- so, please, just be patient. i'm so afraid to care about someone. i know it seems like i'm this strong girl who can get through anything, but inside i'm very fragile. i've had so many things thrown at me, and each one has only made a crack. what i'm afraid of is shattering.

12- the best moments in reading are when you come across something, a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things that you'd thought special, particular to you. and here it is, set down by someone else, a person you've never met, maybe even someone long dead. and it's as if a hand has come out and taken yours.

13- i want to draw something that means something to someone. you know, i want to draw blind faith or a fading summer or just a moment of clarity. it's like when you go and see a really great band live for the first time, and nobody's saying it but everyone's thinking it: we have something to believe in again. i want to draw that feeling but i can't. and if i can't be great at it then i don't want to ruin it. it's too important to me.

13- in life, we do things. some, we wish we had never done, and some we wish we could replay a million times, but they made us who we are, and in the end they shape and detail us. if we were to reserve them, we wouldn't be the person we are today so just live. make mistakes and have wonderful memories. but never for a second forget who you are, where you've been, and most importantly, where you're going.

14- sometimes when things are out of wack, it freaks us out a little and makes us feel like we're losing something thats really important, and that scares us even more, so we try really hard to hold on to whatever it is we think we're losing and sometimes, we hold on a little too hard.

15- sometimes you think you've gotten over a person, but when you see him smile you suddenly realize, you're just pretending you're over him to ease the pain of knowing that he will never be yours.

16- it's a traffic jam when you're already late. it's a no smoking sign on your cigarette break. it's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife. it's meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife. and isn't it ironic? don't you think it's a little too ironic?

17- an apology doesn't make things right. if anything, it just helps you sleep better at night. i know you meant well, but words will never change a thing. you're so selfish, you wouldn't even let me in on the coldest of nights.

18- i wish my mom told me the same thing about boys as she did scary movies, "don't worry honey, they're all fake." i wanted a perfect ending. now i've learned the hard way that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, or end. life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's to happen next. life flies by so you have to embrace it, forget the past cause you can't erase it.

19- you're not special to me anymore. i'm used to this now. i've been hurt before. so leave me alone like you've always done, because you've hurt me too much to be the right one.

20- the worst way to miss somebody is to be sitting right next to them knowing you can't have them.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The tough thing about following your heart is what people forget to mention, that sometimes your heart takes you places you shouldn't be, places that are as scary as they are exciting and as dangerous as they are alluring and sometimes your heart takes you to places that can never lead to a happy ending. and that's not even the difficult part. the difficult part is when you follow your heart, you leave normal, and you go into the unknown. and once you do, you can never go back.When I woke up this morning, I couldn’t get out of bed.I was laying there, and I thought to myself how comfortable it was. It was silent, no one was around, and I felt so good laying under the blankets that were wrapped around me. At that moment, I realized I could lay in bed for all hours of the day, not talking to one person, living in my thoughts, and not doing anything with myself, and it wouldn’t bother me. All I would need is a paper and a pen. I wouldn’t go insane like most people would. I wouldn’t feel content, but I wouldn’t feel sad either, I would feel comfort and calm. I find that to be absolutely saddening.

They say that when people first lose a limb, they can still feel it. It still hurts, they still try to use it. They call it having a "Phantom Limb" I think that this is what losing a person is like. You beckon them over to "come see this!", you come home at the end of the day to tell them about how much you hate going to work, you pick up the phone to call them when you're happy, sad, mad, or somewhere in between. Until you realize that they're not there. And each time you realize it, it hurts just as bad as it did the first time, all over again. Only an arm, I could lose. It's the people I care about the most that I can't live withoutLetting go is hard, but it's better to let go than to hold on to something that was never meant to be. so hold your head high, gorgeous, and stay strong because once you let go, better things are going to come along.

1. The truth of the matter is that what's done is done, no excuses are necessary. You can't go back and change anything, so there's no point in being stuck in the past. Excuses never work; you're only lying to yourself and lying to yourself never helps anything. Eventually all the lies and the excuses and the alibis fall away, and you're left here, stripped, with the truth before your very eyes, whether you're ready to accept it or not.

2.If you really knew me... you would know that I don't usually cry because things are sad.I dont usually cry period.I could cry because things are beautiful. I could cry because such beauty ispossible and it's overwhelming. I could even cry because I don't see it everyday, and I should. I want to be a part of that beauty; I want toinspire someone to tears with my own brand of beauty. With otherpeople, I think this is possible. If we all contributed, if we all adda little hope and faith and love into the world with our acts, maybewe can help someone else see the beauty in life, too. Because ouractions are powerful and positive actions are power at it's purest point.

3. life's like an hourglass, glued to the table4. truth only means something when it's hard to admit! don't you get that?

5. When people can walk away from you, let them walk. Don't try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, caring for you, or staying attached to you. When people can walk away, let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

6. You don’t let people in. It’s hard for you and once you do you don’t want to let them go and when they fuck up you’re like “Why did you do that to me? I gave you my feelings. I did everything for you, and you screwed me over.”

7. So quit your crying and wipe the tears from your eyes, cause this is see you later, I'm not into goodbyes.

8.i remember you looking at me, wondering why i wanted you unhappy.and it wasn't even that, i just didn't want you happy without me. But that doesnt matter now.

9. I looked back on us today, and I honestly don’t know why I missed you, and why I wanted you back. Sure, at the beginning we had all these dreams rushing into things we had no idea what about, but slowly, instead of trusting you more, I trusted you less, and the more I loved you, the less I loved myself. But now I’m free, and I’m not sorry. I had to get out. I knew it was over long before you said it. And I thought you broke my heart, but you merely made it stronger, made it resilient. Of course I’ll never forget you, but there’s no way I’m ever going back. So goodbye, my first love. Thank you for being such a fabulous waste of time.

10. So, he told you he would never leave you right? He also told you how you were the best thing in his life. Then what happened? one day he got up and walked away.

11. The problem with time, I've learned, whether it's those first two weeks I got to spend with you, or the final two months I got to spend with him, eventually time always runs out. I have no idea where you are out there in the world. But I understand that I lost the right to know these things long ago. No matter how many years go by, I know one thing to be as true as ever was - You and i weren't meant to be. I was in love with the idea of you and you loved the comfort i brought to your life.

12. Right now, at this very moment, all I want to do is sit across from from someone and talk about life. And when we run out of topics, we could just hold hands because that would be enough. Not someone who is not here so i cant can't talk face to face because miles separate us. Well, I can smell the flowers you send, or look at pictures from before, but I can't wrap my arms around a moment in time. So, I sit and think of what will happen to me and what will i do when I finally see you him. All I really want to do is enjoy each other's company and maybe watch a movie or two about falling in love and growing old together. And maybe you and I could fall in love and grow old together, too.13.It's possible to go on, no matter how impossible it seems, and that in time, the grief... lessens. It may not go away completely, but after a while it's not so overwhelming

14.Here's to the shit we talk, the boys we stalk, the laughs we can't stop. The gossip we spill and the looks that could kill. We'll stay together, all through the years… best friends forever

15.sometimes you have to be apart from the people you love, but that doesn't make you love them any less. sometimes it makes you love them more.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

i'm always completely enraptured/enamoured/enthralled/entranced (pick whichever you'd like) by the self-absorbed ones. i'm not entirely sure if that is due to the fact that i enjoy the uncertainty of it all--what is he thinking? is he that into me?-- or if it has something to do with me being a masochist. or some combination of the two.

do you follow?

don't get me wrong, when i say "self-absorbed", i don't necessarily mean it in the narcissistic, superficial way. i mean it in the "my career is my life and i love that, so i am not and will not always be available to you... actually, i will rarely be available to you, so gear yourself up for certain disappointment and for operation on my terms" kind of way.

so why bother, right?

well... why not?

if you've been reading me for at least 10 seconds, then you must know that i'm a girl who loves every moment of my freedom. limitations, guidelines, and deadlines aren't exactly my thing. so i guess that as much as it tortures me to not know where i stand in the blue planet, or to stare at my phone 7x a day willing it to ring... i guess i have to take the good with the bad?

i never liked the sad look from someone who wants to be loved by you. so i'll just have to deal with the incredibly frustrating yet incredibly intoxicating, chronically unavailable guy.

Love is like wildflowers; It's often found in the most unlikely places.

We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing. Action always generates inspiration. Inspiration seldom generates action.

People would say "I'm single.", but well, to me, that sounds rather mean. It sounds like they were trying to say "I'm alone." or "I have nobody to love." That's not true because I have my friends, I have my family, I have my music. I would rather say "I'm free." It sounds better.

Life is truly known only to those who suffer, lose, endure adversity and stumble from defeat to defeat.

Take responsibility for yourself because no one's going to take responsibility for you

This goes out to all of the people who have been broken, but have been strong enough to let go. For the people who have hurt so badly that they felt they could never love again, but kept their head up. For those who feel like going back to their old lover would put all the pieces back where they belong and everything would fit, but accept the cold hard truth instead. For the people that learn from their mistakes and never stop moving forward, even when they take two steps back. For the people that wish loneliness wasn't part of them, but put up with it anyhow. For the people that are okay with taking up all of the room in the bed, even if sometimes it feels a little empty. For the people who wake up in the morning with no missed calls, but smile anyway. For the people that periodically miss the past, but are so much more excited for the future. For the people that have wounds still healing. For the people that have so much tied to their past relationship, but break those chains to start fresh. For the people that want to look back so badly, but focus on the road ahead. For the people that pick up the phone so tempted to call, but keep their dignity in tact instead. For the people that never wanted to let go, but had to. For the people that still believe in love, even after all of the hurt their heart has endured. For all the people that gave up not because they were weak, but because most times it's better just to let go. We'll all get our happy ending someday. You ask why I haven't talked to you. Well maybe it's because you slowly pushed me out of your life. I'm glad you're finally noticing

“Search for yourself, by yourself. Do not allow others to make your path for you. It is your road, and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you”

Unknown Native American

I love this quote because there are great lessons embedded within it. Notice that the beginning says “Search for yourself” Many people are seekers, they are looking for answers from external sources believing that someone else must have the answers they seek. Much like the old country song says, “I was searching for love in all the wrong places…” many people tend to seek via the external all the while when what they truly seek is themselves. Within us we have all we will ever need. Yes, external sources are valuable, they may act as a catalyst for self discovery however it is a futile effort to chase after answers external to our self.

The second part of this quote, “Do not allow others to make your path for you. It is your road and yours alone” is a great lesson and compliments the first part. To me this is again saying that that which we seek is within us and the inward journey is a journey of solitude and that rather than follow the paths that others blazed we have be courageous and blaze our own path. If we try to follow the path of another we are doomed to not be our authentic self," live a life which is not aligned and thus suffer as a result."

The final part of this wise quote, “Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you” is very important. This says to me that we are social and that it's good to have companionship and love of others as we travel our path, however it is still our path. It also clearly states that we each must walk our own path, blaze our own trail and seek our own truth. No one can walk our path for us. Some may try, however only we can walk our own path. Even a person with all the money in the world cannot pay someone to walk their path for them. The path we seek and the path we discover and walk is the great equalizer. Be you a person of great material wealth or a beggar on the street you must still own and walk your own path.