'In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer'- Camus

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Well I have now taken four of those peachy coloured pills and the only side effects I can see are that I seem to be drifting from periods of complete spaced out disassociation to periods of quite high energy where I want to do a lot, the latter being more prominent. But this was happening before medication really.

Having done some research I don't understand why the depakote was provided, as apparently it deals with the manic moods but not the depression. As the depression is definitely harder and more frequent and my actions whilst depressed are more dangerous, then I don't understand how this med is going to help? Also I don't feel that when my mood is higher it becomes a problem. I always feel in control and it is a relief from the depression that I happily welcome. So if I am now to suffer these depressions without this relief then they can keep their meds.

I have been to town today and now have a lot of xmas presents sorted so that is one thing done. Last night I went for a walk by the Trent (river)again, as couldn't go to fireworks. Went out at about 2am and met a tramp who offered me some white lightening cider, I didn't partake as self-medicating wouldn't be particularly helpful, perhaps I will go back there tonight, so peaceful that time of morning , and the water is so still. That's all I have to write for now.

Who am I?

A woman struggling daily with my personal mental demons, lots of contradictions, plenty of mental noise and some ramblings.
Current diagnonsense = Bipolar I rapid cycling.(i.e Up , down, up , up, down up- without the pattern etc etc)
Any questions then either comment or email me at lareve@hotmail.co.uk. I am also on twitter and Facebook. All views welcome but please be kind.