Every once in awhile, a newspaper front page comes along that makes you want to punch the nearest inanimate object until you break the small bones in your hand. Well, get out the gauze and your insurance card, ladies: today's New York Post cover features the face of an alleged rape victim, an attack on her character, and — as a bonus! — the word "rape" in sarcastic quotation marks.

Yesterday, prosecutors announced that they were dropping charges against New York Police Chief Ray Kelly's son Greg after the woman who accused him of rape said she didn't remember having sex. According to the complaint, Kelly and the accuser met at a bar, had several drinks, and then returned to her office, where Kelly raped her. But according to prosecutors who reviewed the evidence in the case, the incident didn't fit the definition of rape under New York law and charges were dropped.

As you may have predicted, someone at the Post has some unpaid parking tickets they need to get out of, and so the article accompanying the cover story essentially gives the Police Chief's son's taint a tongue bath. After thoroughly trashing Kelly's accuser, they touted Kelly's return to work as a news reporter on a local TV station— "Kelly, 43, met with Fox 5 brass at the station's Upper East Side studio yesterday and confirmed his joyful return to the airwaves." People were celebrating in the streets! The fatted calf was killed! The King allowed the peasants to lie down their pitchforks and other roughly hewn farming implements and dance in the town square!

And while everyone in the Post's imaginary world is doing that, if you don't mind, I'll be over here making a hole in the drywall with my face.