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Wednesday, September 21, 2011

T Minus 23 hours???

Well, by this time tomorrow we will know if IUI #3 worked. The tww seemed to go by faster than I thought it would...though I think thats the only good thing I can say about this tww. I seem to be lacking in the hope department this time around. I dont know, maybe it's because we have already had 2 failed IUI procedures, or maybe its because I only had one follicle release an egg even after being on all that medication...but right now I just want to curl up in my dear husbands arms and cry.

And the term "monthly cycle" has brought on new meaning to me since IF. Before it was just a term for AF but now it seems like so much more....its like a grieving cycle that never ends. AF shows up and I am sad (sometimes even devestated), then a few days later I am feeling a little less sad, then there are a few days that I dont really think about IF all that much (except everytime I log on to FB because it seems like 95% of my friends or family have at least one kid under the age of 2), then ovulation and scheduled sex occurs (hey honey, can you pause your Call of Duty game, Im ovulating), then the dreaded tww in which I can go from happy and hopeful to sad and hopless in less than a minute. And then either AF shows up or I get a call from the RE's office and the process starts all over.

I think the months in which we have procedures are the hardest for me. I mean on normal months I am not expecting anything so when AF shows up Im not really surprised or anything. But when we have had procedures there is more hope and I think that makes the crash at the end that much harder for me.

I've heard and read that a persons chances of IUI's working level off between tries number 3 and 4 and I think that has me a little more worried about this one. This is number 3 and if this one doesnt work, why would try number 4 work??? And if IUI doesnt work, than whats to say IVF would work??? I think its that line of thought that has me really scared for tomorrow.....