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Yes, that’s right. I want floats, firetrucks, dancing girls, those psychotic Shriners in their mini cars, barnyard animals and candy being thrown by creepy looking old guys on stilts.

I lost 5.6 pounds this week.

Totally parade worthy.

I’d also like to mention that 5.6 pounds is roughly the weight of my prized Pomeranian, Vivvy, which of course means the old ladies driving old, old, old cars and the skanky Patriots cheerleaders who always show up at the 4th of July parade looking like they just rolled out of bed should also be at my parade, because they only come out for special occasions.