January 12, 2010

My job is not easy tonight, friends. This game obeyed no laws of hockey that I know to be true, and it shakes me to my very core. The Tampa Bay Lightning take two points and a victory away from their 7-4 win over the Washington Capitals, but they leave questions and doubts in the minds of Caps fans worldwide. For starters, wtf just happened?

Let’s get this over with:

Lil Goalstopper Supreme Michal Neuvirth was tested relentlessly in the first period, and he was found wanting. He delivered a couple great stops, sure, but four pucks got past him. Neuvi-not-Neuvy can share the blame with an incompetent defensive force, but he certainly earned the hook Boudreau offered him after the first period.

Nicklas Backstrom has a reputation for being a self-disciplined playmaker, but tonight he flipped the bill. Backy gave up two poorly timed penalties and created no plays.

Mike Green scored two great goals and flirted with the Hat to no avail.

After a missed call, Alexander Ovechkin got into a brawl with Tampa Bay right winger repeat offender Steve Downie. The two split minors, but upon exiting the box Downie instigated another fight. Kapitan was dropping his gloves when all of a sudden

Matt Bradley, who is probably the heart and soul of this team, takes his boss’ spot in the fray. I guess Brad could not allow the games best weapon to be locked up for another penalty. That’s a real team-player move, and we commend him for it. If we had a sense of humor, we might even make a joke. For his heroism, Bradley was given a game misconduct.

David Steckel and his baby face even got in on the fight action. For some reason the Eddie Haskell of the Caps agreed to drop gloves with ultimate warrior Zenon Konopka. Steck put his dukes up, and landed a lovely first cross, but that was pretty much it. The refs must have decided to break up the fight when Zenon’s arms got tired.

The Bolts grabbed 4 power play goals. Excepting a few bright spots from Brian Pothier, the Caps’ defense were inequal to the task of stumping Tampa Bay’s …electrifying… offense. (You know we’re unhappy with the game when we let a horrible pun that like that make it to post.)

Here’s a bright spot. The Caps led shots on goal 16-5 in the second period. We’d like to think that Ovechkin roused his teammates from sleepwalking through the first. In the same manner, we suspect it was Captain Caveman who led the team into the barfight-on-ice that concluded the game.

There’s more to say about this game. As Master Blogger Ian “Oland-is-the-kind-of-hammer-you-want-on-your-back-end” (and yes that’s a Craig Laughlin quote) Oland said, tonight felt like a few dozen games strung together. Frankly, we’re demoralized. The Capitals got outplayed and outfought for fifty nine minutes and fifty nine seconds. We’re thankful that the officials handed out a mercy kill and spared us that last, grizzly second.

The Washington Capitals have THREE more games to play this week. Tomorrow night the boys from Chinatown will drag their bruised carcasses to Sunrise, Florida. Here’s the part where I usually say something optimistic, but it’s hard to be plucky when your favorite team just got beaten up– figuratively and literally.

Last Saturday the Caps awesomely dominated the Thrashers in Atlanta 8-1. Not only was there a lot of highlight reel goals, Comcast SportsNet also managed to find a lot of local Caps fans invading the Lower Bowl of Phillips Arena. Who said the Caps don’t travel well?

Well, ironically enough, a few days later I got an email from The Crazy Lady in the Knit Hat: Elyssa Klopfenstein. Not only did she shoot me a picture of herself and Stacey Watkins on TV, she told me that she bought a few of our Mike Green – Canada’s Best Defenseman: Snubbed T-Shirts. The even better news:

As soon as our Snubbed T-shirts come my friend and I definitely want to wear ours to a practice at Kettler and see if we can’t snag a picture w/Green in them. He seems like a cool enough guy, and I can’t imagine he wouldn’t also totally love them.

Or as one prominent media member intelligently pointed out to me, he may not want to be seen around them because it could potentially anger the people who control his Olympic chances in 4 years. I guess we’re going to see!! Hooray for social experiments!

Regardless Elyssa, be gentle with @Greenlife52 when you put the shirt over his head. Say please and thank you. Snap the picture quickly. We’ll have the car running out back.

Anyways next Tuesday, we’ll have a brand new shirt in our store, and it’ll be worth the wait – I promise. And yes, our contest is still going on. Get Green to sign your Snubbed T-Shirt with photographic evidence, and you get entered into a drawing for a free t-shirt. Get Green literally in our shirt (or maybe even holding it up with a big smile and thumbs up – my discretion), you get 2 free upper level tickets to an upcoming Caps game.