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My name is not Cynthia. Well, that is not entirely true. My birth certificate says it is, but no one has ever identified me by that name. Well, that isn’t entirely true either. When producing my passport, the agent will undoubtedly call me Cynthia as that is the name printed there. But all that does is elicit my blank stare which isn’t at all suspicious when travelling to another destination. And if you were to attempt to get my attention by shouting “Hi Cynthia” to me I would not turn my head, simply because I wouldn’t know that you were. I tell you this so you can stop crossing off the list in your mind of any Cynthias that you may know. I am not her. I also tell you this so that we may begin our journey together today with truthfulness and no traces of deception between us.

I admit that when I read the post introducing me as a guest writer for this blog, I had quite the mix of emotions. It is an absolute honour and privilege to be invited into this valuable blog community where we can heal, grow and learn together. I was completely unprepared for the gracious and kind words used to describe me and my writing. This Cynthia woman sounded amazing. And then came the moments of doubt and fear. Could I really do this? Will I be enough? Will people be disappointed? How could I possibly live up to your expectations when it was me that you were going to meet? And so by writing one and a half paragraphs on this blog so far I have already been shown two truths. One, that the telling of our stories is an integral part of our ongoing healing process and transformation into the person that God created and intended each one of us to be. And secondly, that yes, by the grace of God and through the redemption of Jesus Christ, I am enough. And so are you.

If you are wondering what I will be writing on this blog, so am I. Because I will be leaving that decision up to God. But what I can tell you now is that you will hear of our mighty God’s miraculous healing power that has redeemed the untold pain and despair of my life and marriage. You will hear how beautifully God has designed every detail of the healing that He has available for us. You will hear that I am a wife of a man recovering from sex addiction and intimacy anorexia, married for 27 years, the last two happily. And I would be amiss if I did not tell you that I am the blessed mother of two awesome young adult children and a beautiful daughter-in-law. But most importantly, I am an extravagantly loved and cherished daughter of God which took me nearly 46 years to discover.

I am Cynthia. But if you are reading this, then quite possibly so are you. Or maybe it is the woman sitting beside you at church, your neighbour, or co-worker. It may even be your best friend, daughter or mother. There are many Cynthias living each day in invisible pain and shame. Many Cynthias that need to know, and not only know, but believe that there is hope and healing for the wounds and pain they have kept hidden for so long. Because there is. Oh, there is. And my prayer for you is that as we journey together you will open your heart enough to glimpse the hope and healing that is within your reach. No matter how faint the glimmer may be, there is One that can and will take the smallest offering brought to Him and turn it into more than you can ever imagine. I know because His name is Jesus and He has become my best friend.

Look at the nations and watch, and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe even if you were told. Habakkuk 1:5

I love Christmas! It is a season to celebrate but all too soon it ends and life goes on…..
I don’t know if you are like me but too often I go into the new year with resolutions and a resolve to do better, to improve myself and to make a difference. However, the road can become long, I grow tired and weary, and all my good intentions seem to fall by the wayside.

Life is a journey… perhaps it is just the anticipation of a new year but I find I get reflective and find myself asking; is God not bigger than the boxes I try to keep Him in…and life not larger than the labels I would paste on it.

I love it when the Holy Spirit gently whispers to my spirit that God is big, and although life is large if I look I will find surprises at every turn, unexpected mercy in times of need, unbridled grace when I surrender and the love of God at the end of every road.
He reminds me that a life of faith is not built on my own strength, but on the
strength and goodness of God.

This Christmas as I lit a solitary candle and took some time to rest in my heavenly Fathers presence, I realized that of all the awesome events in the story of Christ’s birth – the star, the angels, the shepherds, the wise men – the most remarkable is simply the fact that He came!

Emmanuel-God with us….long after the celebration is over, the Christmas tree is taken down and the decorations are put away may we remember that we are no longer alone, the Prince of Peace has come to tell us how much we are loved by the Father.

And as I bundled up on a crisp, winter evening and stepped outside to view the magnificence of the stars in a cloudless, night sky I was reminded that God is guiding all of us just as He did the wise men who sought the child….if we will take the time to listen and to follow.

Emmanuel- God with us. My prayer is that we will always remember that the presence and mercy of our Heavenly Father is with us at all times, that the light of Christ’s love surround us…May grace and gratitude overflow…and may the joy of Christmas live in your heart all year round.

The Lord bless you and keep you and make His face shine upon you and give
you peace. Numbers 6:24-26

they make it a place of springs;
the autumn rains also cover it with pools.

They go from strength to strength,
till each appears before God in Zion.

Psalm 84:5-7

1pil·grim·age

noun \ˈpil-grə-mij\

Definition of PILGRIMAGE

1: a journey of a pilgrim; especially: one to a shrine or a sacred place as an act of religious devotion… a journey, esp. a long one,

2: the course of life on earth

For those who have followed my blog and know of my story you may remember that my mother was a war bride from England. She was the mother I never knew because she died when I was only 6 months old. As a child I would often cry myself to sleep, weeping for my mother. I needed a mother to comfort me, to hold me, to tell me I was loved and wanted…..I went to bed each night with a longing and an emptiness…..and a dream….someday I was going to go to England, to see the country of her birth.

And now in my 50’s my lifelong dream of visiting the UK is finally coming to fruition.

20 some years ago I was at a Women’s conference when the Lord gave me these verses in Psalm 84.

I sensed in my spirit that these verses were a promise for me. God was making a covenant with me, this was my inheritance. God was going to do a work in my life, I needed to trust Him. And throughout the years these verses have come back to me, usually at a pivotal point in my life. I find myself remembering and reflecting on them once more as I prepare for this trip to the UK.

When the Lord first gave me these verses I had no idea that my journey of healing was about to begin. “Journey” implies a starting place, a place one leaves, and a destination…that place to which one goes.

Looking back I have seen the weaving of God’s hand upon my life. His healing is a thread that has been woven into my life, my journey of healing.

It was Debbie Milam who said: “When we embrace the many parts of our experience we discover a magnificent creation. . . Every moment is but a thread, a thread of consciousness embracing the very essence of life. Some threads are brilliant and dazzling while others are tattered and torn. When looked upon in isolation the tattered threads look inferior. Yet when woven together by the wondrous hands of the Creator, the light magically blends with the dark. As joy coalesces with pain, God creates the magnificent tapestry that is life.”

The tapestry of my life continues to be woven. In preparing for this trip I have looked back at the entire tapestry of my life, and I can see that every aspect of my journey was necessary and needed. Each step of my journey led to a new place, even though the steps often felt like obstacles or painful experiences.

A pilgrimage can be described as a journey, set apart because of its reflective nature. It is a journey of movement, a journey of attentiveness, a journey hoped to transform. A pilgrimage cannot be embarked upon without a willingness to follow the path as it unfolds. This is what I sense in my spirit as I embark on this trip.

Psalm 84 speaks of one’s yearning for God’s dwelling place; could it be that the temple might come to mean for us a search for our heart’s full dwelling in His presence?

This is much more than just a sightseeing tour of the UK. One can physically move themselves around the world and never set their heart on a journey towards His dwelling, just as one can remain physically at home and yet set their heart on pilgrimage.

Psalm 84 reminds me that I am not on pilgrimage to God’s temple, but I am on pilgrimage with God.This Psalm assures me that if I understand that God himself is my strength and if I set my heart on allowing Him to carry me in my journey, in my pilgrimage, then I am blessed indeed!! It is an adventure of magnitude, of significance, of love.

His love is a glorious thread that is woven throughout the Word of God, and finds it’s fulfillment through Jesus Christ in our hearts. When Jesus takes hold of our lives the entire fabric of our being is changed. I don’t accomplish anything in this life on my own….as the weavings of individual threads from one to another creates something; the result is a whole tapestry…as God weaves the threads into the fabric of our lives, He creates a beautiful tapestry.

Little did I know that the tattered and broken little girl who cried herself to sleep every night would set her heart on pilgrimage when she heard the wooing of Her heavenly Father. Little did I know she would respond to the longing in her heart and learn to rest beneath the shadow of His wings.

Our lifelong journey is our pilgrimage toward the fulfillment of our inheritance that God Himself has given to us.

Do you, my friends, know what God’s inheritance is for you? Have you gone back to the place of covenant, the very place where God covenanted with you?

I am excited to see what God has for me in this next journey of my life, this next adventure. I know that this trip to the UK is the next part of my pilgrimage and I am trusting my Heavenly Father as He continues to weave the threads of healing and wholeness in my life….stay tuned….I’ll share the adventure when I get back!!