When to Kiss Your Date

When to Kiss Your Date So You Don't Screw Things Up

In books and TV and movies, first kisses are presented as glorious things.

The characters always seem to know the exact right time to kiss their date. The protagonist leans in, their date leans in — their lips meet. And it always seems to be happening in some picturesque setting — maybe in a rustic garden, with a light snowfall and swelling piano chords in the background.

Alas, reality is much more awkward and inorganic. There's no way to know for sure when someone wants to be kissed, so it's best to ask.

That being said, asking can be scary and uncomfortable, even under the best of circumstances! There's no precise formula, but here are some ways to make the process as smooth as possible, and to ensure that she texts all her girlfriends the next day about how great that first kiss was.

1. Timing, Timing, Timing

The golden rule is to ask for a kiss when she's as relaxed as possible. That classic opportunity — the end of a date, whether is the first date or a later one — is ideal. You've gotten to know each other, you've walked her home, and suddenly, there's a long silence. She probably won't be surprised if you ask right now. In fact, she might be expecting it!

(I'll leave the exact phrasing up to you, but avoid the too-formal 'May I have a kiss?')

Maybe you're not walking her home. Maybe she's about to catch a cab. But it's still a good idea to wait until you're outside the restaurant or bar. Public make-out sessions are a bit like cilantro — not everybody likes them! You may not be embarrassed by kissing in crowded places, but plenty of people are. Usher her out where it's quieter, take her hand, and only ask when you're sure that no teenagers are gawking at the two of you.

2. Test The Waters First

Let's say you want to go for the kiss mid-date, because you think the date is going great and she's really into you. Maybe she's flirting with you enthusiastically, or touching your arm and flipping her hair. OK, great! These are all good signs. But it's still best (and the least scary approach for you) to test the waters.

Instead of phrasing it as a question right away, you could say something like:

"You look so beautiful tonight. I keep thinking about kissing you."

Not only is this a smooth and sexy approach, it's the one that puts the least amount of pressure on her. The key thing to remember is that women tend not to communicate as directly as men: This oblique statement allows her to respond however she chooses. If she laughs it off, or changes the subject, you probably shouldn't ask to kiss her. If she seems to show interest, or replies with "Oh, really? Well, maybe you should!", then you have your cue.

3. Don't Ask As You're Lunging

"BythewaycanIkissyou?" isn't "Warning, my lips are headed in your direction!" I know you want to get the question over with as quickly as possible, but slow down. There's nothing worse than that moment when you're alone in your car, and you lunge awkwardly at your date while asking. Also, is it really a question if you don't give them time to respond?

Ambushes are never romantic. Remember what you learned from all those movies and TV and books: The longer the wait before the kiss, the longer the sexual tension builds. This means that no matter what, you should stay in your chair until she gives you the green light.

Say something like:

"I've been wanting to kiss you. Can I?"

Then wait. Give her a moment to take it in and respond to it before you move. The kiss will be all the better for it.

4. Take A "No" In Stride

So you've pulled the trigger and asked for the kiss. But what do you do if she says "No," or shakes her head, or gently deflects the conversation?

Remember, it's painful and embarrassing to decline when someone asks you for a kiss. If she tells you no or signals you that she's not into it, drop it immediately. Don't act surprised ("Really? But we had such a good date!"); don't ask her why ("Is it because of the restaurant I picked? It is, isn't it?") and don't try to change her mind ("Aw, but I know we'd have chemistry.")

I'll give you the same advice a PE teacher gives you when you fall down: Walk it off immediately. Smile and say "OK!" or say something light like:

"No worries — just wanted to check."

Then change the conversation to something else entirely. You want to come off like a mature, relaxed guy who doesn't think a kiss is a big deal — not a baby who's been told "No" for the first time.

5. What To Do In The Worst-Case Scenario

The absolute worst-case, nightmare, no-good-very-bad scenario, is that she is insulted or replies with something like a "No way I'm f*cking kissing you." This is extremely unlikely (unless you asked her in an insulting way! Don't do that), so you don't have to worry about it!

But if it does arise, handle it with grace and aplomb. Say:

"I didn't mean to insult you, I'm sorry."

Then move on. The date will end soon enough, and then you'll never have to see this person again. What a beautiful thought.

Finally — don't beat yourself up for being nervous! That's part of the charm of a first kiss vs. a 'We've-been-together-eight-years' kiss. Have fun — and don't forget to bring your breath mints.