Suzanne Maiden

DearZanny: Zanny will answer questions as they come in. If you have a relationship problem you want help with, ask Zanny.

Zanny, aka Suzanne Maiden, M.A., Family Therapist, certified grief counselor, and co-host of TheDivaCast Internet talk show, recently merged her professional experience with broadcasting to produce Dear Zanny, a one-of-a-kind virtual cozy couch where listener’s plop down their most confidential concerns. The online audio advice column offers a compassionate ear, a sympathetic shoulder, and sound suggestions to the world’s most universal relationship dilemmas.

Do you need to set firm boundaries with a toxic friend or family member? Maybe your child has suicidal tendencies or is engaging in the disturbing new trend of “cutting” (self injurious behavior). Is your spouse depressed, addicted, or abusive? Do you suspect he/she is caught up in an extramarital affair? Listeners are encouraged to email or call into the Dear Zanny hotline with their concerns. Zanny posts questions to her website, minus any identifiers for anonymity, and shares answers on-air in a radio-style format with concise considerations, suggestions, and resources.

Is Dear Zanny a substitution for professional counseling? Absolutely not. Zanny is quick to point out her show is for entertainment purposes only. Her talk show is an excellent place to touch one’s toe into the sometimes-intimidating reflecting pool of therapy, but is never intended to substitute for professional help.

To ask an anonymous question, call the Dear Zanny hotline at (678) 884-0524 or visit www.DearZanny.com.

*Disclaimer: Dear Zanny is for entertainment purposes only. Any suggestions are general in nature and never intented to substitute proffessional help. For legal reasons, I cannot answer e-mails directly - but will use them on a future show so listen and subscribe to have DZ automagically delivered to you.

*Disclaimer: Dear Zanny is for entertainment purposes only. Any suggestions are general in nature and never intented to substitute proffessional help. For legal reasons, I cannot answer e-mails directly - but will use them on a future show so listen and subscribe to have DZ automagically delivered to you.

These calls just keep coming. I recorded a show earlier today about RAK. I was about to engage in a little R&R (that would be a pedicure) before I see clients. Then another vm came in regarding RAK. I had to record an addendum to my earlier show today. Here we go...

We opened the floodgates! TheDivaCast, (http://www.TheDivaCast.com) show #113 recently discussed engaging in Random Acts of Kindness (RAK). Suzanne provided a recent example of a RAK and the other Divas chimmed in. We immediately received emails and vm from listeners who were inspired. Sorry if the vm quality is a little difficult to understand - but the quality is sufficient to get the message. Thank you for receiving this so well. I am very shy about publicly discussing my own RAK - but because of YOU and your response, I got a little braver.

Check out this listener's questions/comments at: www.DearZanny.com followed by a written response for suggestions. I prefer voice mails because it makes the show more interesting, but emails are great too. I finally installed a Levelator program to make vm's easier to hear. My goal is to eventually have 1 show/day. Clearly, I'm not there yet. Your emails and voice mails are what make this show work. THANKS for sharing yourself.

*Disclaimer: Dear Zanny is for entertainment purposes only. Any suggestions are general in nature and never intented to substitute proffessional help. For legal reasons, I cannot answer e-mails directly - but will use them on a future show so listen and subscribe to have DZ automagically delivered to you.

Archived Episodes

We opened the floodgates! TheDivaCast, (http://www.TheDivaCast.com) show #113 recently discussed engaging in Random Acts of Kindness (RAK). Suzanne provided a recent example of a RAK and the other Divas chimmed in. We immediately received emails and vm from listeners who were inspired. Sorry if the vm quality is a little difficult to understand - but the quality is sufficient to get the message. Thank you for receiving this so well. I am very shy about publicly discussing my own RAK - but because of YOU and your response, I got a little braver.

Check out this listener's questions/comments at: www.DearZanny.com followed by a written response for suggestions. I prefer voice mails because it makes the show more interesting, but emails are great too. I finally installed a Levelator program to make vm's easier to hear. My goal is to eventually have 1 show/day. Clearly, I'm not there yet. Your emails and voice mails are what make this show work. THANKS for sharing yourself.

*Disclaimer: Dear Zanny is for entertainment purposes only. Any suggestions are general in nature and never intented to substitute proffessional help. For legal reasons, I cannot answer e-mails directly - but will use them on a future show so listen and subscribe to have DZ automagically delivered to you.

A voice mail from Becky show asked: What suggestions do you have? I found my husband likes to look at women on-line. Should I trust him or confront him? Listen and learn.

Check out this listener's questions/comments at: www.DearZanny.com followed by a written response for suggestions. I prefer voice mails because it makes the show more interesting, but emails are great too. I finally installed a Levelator program to make vm's easier to hear. My goal is to eventually have 1 show/day. Clearly, I'm not there yet. Your emails and voice mails are what make this show work. THANKS for sharing yourself.

*Disclaimer: Dear Zanny is for entertainment purposes only. Any suggestions are general in nature and never intented to substitute proffessional help. For legal reasons, I cannot answer e-mails directly - but will use them on a future show so listen and subscribe to have DZ automagically delivered to you.

A voice mail from a chronic cheating wife. She self-reports she has cheated throughout her 9 year marriage. Her breaking point? She contracted two STD's and is disgusted with herself. Why does she do it, and what should she do now? Listen and find out.

Check out this listener's questions/comments at: www.DearZanny.com followed by a written response for suggestions. I prefer voice mails because it makes the show more interesting, but emails are great too. I finally installed a Levelator program to make vm's easier to hear. My goal is to eventually have 1 show/day. Clearly, I'm not there yet. Your emails and voice mails are what make this show work. THANKS for sharing yourself.

*Disclaimer: Dear Zanny is for entertainment purposes only. Any suggestions are general in nature and never intented to substitute proffessional help. For legal reasons, I cannot answer e-mails directly - but will use them on a future show so listen and subscribe to have DZ automagically delivered to you.

Email from Annie in CA regarding her abusive father. It's NOT OK. Push the play button and listen - the email in it's entirity is posted on my website.

Check out this listener's questions/comments at: www.DearZanny.com followed by a written response for suggestions. I prefer voice mails because it makes the show more interesting, but emails are great too. I finally installed a Levelator program to make vm's easier to hear. My goal is to eventually have 1 show/day. Clearly, I'm not there yet. Your emails and voice mails are what make this show work. THANKS for sharing yourself.

*Disclaimer: Dear Zanny is for entertainment purposes only. Any suggestions are general in nature and never intented to substitute proffessional help. For legal reasons, I cannot answer e-mails directly - but will use them on a future show so listen and subscribe to have DZ automagically delivered to you.

VM from Stephanie in Lousianna needs help in letting go over her husband's former poor financial decisions. She wants to know how to let it go! Click below and listen.

Check out this listener's questions/comments at: www.DearZanny.com followed by a written response for suggestions. I prefer voice mails because it makes the show more interesting, but emails are great too. I finally installed a Levelator program to make vm's easier to hear. My goal is to eventually have 1 show/day. Your emails and voice mails are what make this show work. THANKS for sharing yourself.

*Disclaimer: Dear Zanny is for entertainment purposes only. Any suggestions are general in nature and never intented to substitute proffessional help. For legal reasons, I cannot answer e-mails directly - but will use them on a future show so listen and subscribe to have DZ automagically delivered to you.

Email asks: "How many of you have jealous spouses, and how do you deal?" Jealous or possessive feelings crop up naturally in most relationships. When is it too extreme and neurotic? When it impacts your daily living and relationship to the extreme. What to do? Listen and find out.

Check out this listener's email in its entirity on my website/Blog at: www.DearZanny.com followed by a written response for suggestions. I prefer voice mails because it makes the show more interesting, but emails are great too. I finally installed a Levelator program to make vm's easier to hear. My goal is to eventually have 1 show/day. Your emails and voice mails are what make this show work. THANKS for sharing yourself.

*Disclaimer: Dear Zanny is for entertainment purposes only. Any suggestions are general in nature and never intented to substitute proffessional help. For legal reasons, I cannot answer e-mails directly - but will use them on a future show so listen and subscribe to have DZ automagically delivered to you.

Bereaved mom emails about her stillborn daughter on 1 JUN 208. She and her partner have an 18 month old son. Mom wonders how she is going to get through this and keep her sanity - because it's much harder than she ever thought it would be. Listen.

Check out this listener's email in its entirity on my website/Blog at: www.DearZanny.com followed by a written response for suggestions. I prefer voice mails because it makes the show more interesting, but emails are great too. I finally installed a Levelator program to make vm's easier to hear. My goal is to eventually have 1 show/day. Your emails and voice mails are what make this show work. THANKS for sharing yourself.

*Disclaimer: Dear Zanny is for entertainment purposes only. Any suggestions are general in nature and never intented to substitute proffessional help. For legal reasons, I cannot answer e-mails directly - but will use them on a future show so listen and subscribe to have DZ automagically delivered to you.

Marion from WI left a vm and wants to know if she should tell her friend information she heard from another friend about her child. The child, assuming they're an adolescent, is involved in high risk behaviors. What to do? Listen and see what you think.

Check out this listener's email in its entirity on my website/Blog at: www.DearZanny.com followed by a written response for suggestions. I prefer voice mails because it makes the show more interesting, but emails are great too. I finally installed a Levelator program to make vm's easier to hear. My goal is to eventually have 1 show/day. Your emails and voice mails are what make this show work. THANKS for sharing yourself.

*Disclaimer: Dear Zanny is for entertainment purposes only. Any suggestions are general in nature and never intented to substitute proffessional help. For legal reasons, I cannot answer e-mails directly - but will use them on a future show so listen and subscribe to have DZ automagically delivered to you.

Shannan's marriage has some big time problems: verbally abusive husband who's addicted to on-line porn and she's emotionally over-eaten and gained 80-100lbs. Should she stay so her son has both parents? What would you do? What do the experts say about divorce vs. dysfunctional marriages?

Check out this listener's email in its entirity on my website/Blog at: www.DearZanny.com followed by a written response for suggestions. I prefer voice mails because it makes the show more interesting, but emails are great too. I finally installed a Levelator program to make vm's easier to hear. My goal is to eventually have 1 show/day. Your emails and voice mails are what make this show work. THANKS for sharing yourself.

*Disclaimer: Dear Zanny is for entertainment purposes only. Any suggestions are general in nature and never intented to substitute proffessional help. For legal reasons, I cannot answer e-mails directly - but will use them on a future show so listen and subscribe to have DZ automagically delivered to you.

Wife discovers her husband's cell phone photos from last nights party - must have been a wild one because she discovered pictures of 2 women making out. Husband doesn't understand why the wife is "furious." Would you be? What would you do? How to get the dialgoue going without getting balistic... everything is negotiable.

Check out this listener's email in its entirity on my website/Blog at: www.DearZanny.com followed by a written response for suggestions. I prefer voice mails because it makes the show more interesting, but emails are great too. I finally installed a Levelator program to make vm's easier to hear. My goal is to eventually have 1 show/day. Your emails and voice mails are what make this show work. THANKS for sharing yourself.

*Disclaimer: Dear Zanny is for entertainment purposes only. Any suggestions are general in nature and never intented to substitute proffessional help. For legal reasons, I cannot answer e-mails directly - but will use them on a future show so listen and subscribe to have DZ automagically delivered to you.

Sometimes when it seems like we have it all - we don't. Something's missing. It's even embarrassing to try to explain these feelings to someone else when they may actually envy our life. But, depression can happen to anyone at anytime for so many reasons. Check out this listener's email in its entirity on my website/Blog at: www.DearZanny.com followed by a written response for suggestions. These suggestions, generally speaking, apply to many people struggling with depression.

I prefer voice mails because it makes the show more interesting, but emails are great too. I finally installed a Levelator program to make vm's easier to hear. My goal is to eventually have 1 show/day. Your emails and voice mails are what make this show work. THANKS for sharing yourself. *Talk To Me! Call me: 678-884-0524, or Listen by cell phone: 1-801-823-1125

*Disclaimer: Dear Zanny is for entertainment purposes only. Any suggestions are general in nature and never intented to substitute proffessional help. For legal reasons, I cannot answer e-mails directly - but will use them on a future show so listen and subscribe to have DZ automagically delivered to you.

How far do we go for our friends? What are the boundaries when we've had life long buddies? Yikes, always a tough one. I believe in loyalty to a fault with friends, and covering "their six" in most situations - except when kids are involved. Listen to Beth's dilema as to whether or not she should testify in court for her friend when she knows her friend has lied...

I prefer voice mails because it makes the show more interesting, but emails are great too. Listen and leave me a voice mail!

Email me: [email protected]. Do you need relationship advice? Call Zanny. Let's talk! Help make this show more interesting by leaving a voice mail.

*Disclaimer: Dear Zanny is for entertainment purposes only. Any advice suggestions are never intented to substitute proffessional help. For legal reasons, I will not answer e-mails directly but will use them on a future show so listen and subscribe to have DZ automagically delivered to you.

Amanda from IL left a vm and expressed frustration with her girlfriend - but acknowledged, "I know it's me." Anytime we get a zing from someone - stop, go to the nearest mirror, and look at your reflection. It's nearly always a projection. What characteristics does that person carry that you either deny in yourself, or feel too inferior to own? It's normal, you're human, and - we all do it! Projection is a gift, because it allows us to see what we most need to integrate into our own psyche. It's all good.

I prefer voice mails because it makes the show more interesting, but emails are great too. Listen and leave me a voice mail!

Email me: [email protected]. Do you need relationship advice? Call Zanny. Let's talk! Help make this show more interesting by leaving a voice mail.

*Disclaimer: Dear Zanny is for entertainment purposes only. Any advice suggestions are never intented to substitute proffessional help. For legal reasons, I will not answer e-mails directly but will use them on a future show so listen and subscribe to have DZ automagically delivered to you.

Tim Russert, aged 58, died this week of a cornonry emoblism. I always liked him - he seemed like a really nice and decent man. Lolita S. emailed and wanted to know why his death feels so painful to her when she never met him. If you have felt this way, ask yourself: "How is this situation similar to something I've experienced before?" Think hard. Your answer will give you THE answer. Get it? Good! : ) I prefer voice mails because it makes the show more interesting, but emails are great too.Listen and leave me a voice mail!

Email me: [email protected]. Do you need relationship advice? Call Zanny. Let's talk! Help make this show more interesting by leaving a voice mail.

*Disclaimer: Dear Zanny is for entertainment purposes only. Any advice suggestions are never intented to substitute proffessional help. For legal reasons, I will not answer e-mails directly but will use them on a future show so listen and subscribe to have DZ automagically delivered to you.

I've been MIA the last two months - I had a cancer recurrence, surgery, then off to a healing retreat in Eagle Nest, NM for a week. I just returned several days ago and have been catching up with my clients. Thanks for hanging in there with me. I recieved multiple emails and voice mails - which really inspire me to keep going! I prefer voice mails because it makes the show more interesting, but emails are great too.Listen and leave me a voice mail!

Email me: [email protected]. Do you need relationship advice? Call Zanny. Let's talk! Help make this show more interesting by leaving a voice mail.

*Disclaimer: Dear Zanny is for entertainment purposes only. Any advice suggestions are never intented to substitute proffessional help. For legal reasons, I will not answer e-mails directly but will use them on a future show so listen and subscribe to have DZ automagically delivered to you.

Kim from TX sends an email to TheDivaCast.com first, and we (The Divas) agreed that it was better responded to by me, Zanny. Kim has been married for 5 years to "a wonderful father, a good provider, and a life partner..." but his fatal flaw is the verbal abuse he spews, sometimes daily, at Kim. She has tried various tactics to entice him to change his behavior. Nothing has worked. What needs to happen now?

This email came from Anabella, a 42 year-old Italian immigrant. Her own mother was abusive both phsycially and emotionally. Now, Anabella's father is dying and her mother wants Anabella and her two young children to stay with her. NO! NO! NO! Anabella - you're entitled to protect yourself. Listen how.

Two wonderful books on this topic that I highly recommend are: 1) Toxic Parents by: Dr. Susan Forward and 2) The Drama of The Gifted Child by: Alice Miller.

Pursuer-distancer relationship dynamics occur in all types of relationships - lovers, siblings, and friendships - but why? What does the pursuer need that the distancer senses and makes them RUN?! The pursuer (one who's chasing) needs to take a deep breath and stop for a moment and ask themselves, "What is it I am asking the other do do for me that I cannot do for myself?" Each of us is responsible for our own emotional well-being. It's a fairytale to think someone else can fulfill us all the time in every way. It is our responsibility to do our own inner work and become emotionally self-reliant.

Healthy boundaries within close friendships can be a challenge to many. What do you do when your friends want to ride with you to a party, or hang out with you longer than you do? How do diplomatically set your limits. Leah from San Diego left a voice mail asking just this - something so many of us struggle with!

My nunconscious impulse - which I could not resist, got me to buy a Army green Jeep Wrangler. What's up with that? My ANIMUS is screaming to be heard! Yes, my inner masculine self has been duct-tapped for nearly a decade - but that tape has decayed and my animus is coming out. Swiss psychiatrist, C.G. Jung termed Animus as the masculine side of a woman's unconscious mind, and the Anima as related to men's inner female. Be careful, because the very part of our psyche that we ignore, is the part who will always show up un-invited and least expected. How do you allow expression of your inner opposite gender function?

A voicemail from Courtney in LA gets the conversation cranked! Last night was the season premiere of The Bachelor TV show. Twenty-five women to one (OK, Brad is very hot) man. The women all know the score and all know before they don their designer dresses and high heels that ten of them will be sent home the next day. The ten who went home were clearly upset and crying. But why? How can they have any real attachment to a guy they just met? Well, sorry Hottie Brad, most of it is not about you - at least not yet. All of the women are buying into a romantic fantasy... and several other dynamics are at work too - including previous rejection and abandonment issues. Listen and share your own thoughts

Today marks the 6th anniversary of 9/11. Why do we still invest so much time and energy into commemortaing the dead? Because sudden death almost always complicates the healing process. Ritual facilitates healing; often when ritual is missing, griever's get stuck. Rituals don't have to be expensive or lengthy or involve anyone else. They can be simple but simulatanesouly so powerful. We will all experience the loss of someone we love.

Zanny's brother, Rob, was killed in an American Eagle plane crash on Halloween Day, 1994. Nine months later, her mother-in-law, Nelly, was murdered. Zanny is certified from the American Academy of Bereavement as a grief-support group facilitator, she has published her work on grief, and presented to numerous groups and organizations.

Frustrated mom leaves a vm. Her 5 year-old son who was potty trainned is wetting the bed. He doesn't want to wear pull-ups and mom doesn't want to shame him (Thank Goodness!) How does a mom handle this one? First question: What's going on in little one's environment? Next question, could be physical... Listen and learn.

The woman from TX left a vm and said my advice worked....phew! I love it when that happens! She was frustrated, confused and hurt when her new romantic interest put the brakes on and said, "We're going to be OK, but I need to take things more slowly." That's always an ouch. She wanted to be the "cat" and do some pursuing/chasing ~ always a big no-no; why? Because the mouse almost always escapes. Don't get stuck in this common relationship dynamic - listen and learn.

A concerned mom emails Zanny. Mom asks advice regarding her 13 year-old daughter who recently has begun to lie - even about silly things. Mom isn't usually punitive but wants this behavior to stop. What should she do? Is it a phase, or something more serious? Listen to find out!

A caller asks: My dog, Molly, died of cancer several months ago, we were constant companions. I still miss her. My friends and some family members think I'm silly. Am I normal to still feel so sad? Answer: Yes! Pet loss hurts. We become so attached to our beloved animals - regardless what species it may be. However, to rule out if your grief needs some proffessional intervention, listen to be sure.

A caller asks: My boss is hitting on me - and I'm not interested! He doesn't seem to hear me. I really love my job - but this is really stressing me out! HELP! Listen on how to protect yourself and your career ...

A listener is in a new marriage - a second one. Her new step daughter is difficult and sulky. This is a classic "pursuer-distancer" (or "cat and mouse game") relationship dynamic. The one person pursues while the other RUNS! Guess who has the power? Answer: The one doing the running. Avoid this common dynamic by taking a firm-but-gentle stance. Listen how...

A listener writes about her sister who constantly competes and engages in 1-Up-manship. This type of interaction can occur with anyone. How can you handle this without feeling deflated and defensive? It's easy - and after you've done it you will walk away smiling - and so will the other person! Do it with style - listen how...

Many of us are "pleasers" we never want to hurt anyone's feelings, or say the forbidden "no" - but this comes at a high emotional price tag - our sanity! Listen on how to gently, but firmly put boundaries in place without feeling guilty - but empowered! You can do it : )

Addendum to previous show. This weekend marks the 10-year anniversary of Princess Diana's death. How can someone we've never met reduce us to tears? Ask yourself: Where have I ever felt this way before? When you can answer that, you will know. Many times, new death resurrects previous losses. So, even when it's someone you've never met before, if it feels similar to previous loss you've had - it will touch old wounds and you will get an emotional ZAP! It's normal.

This is the third DearZanny show. This weekend marks the 10-year anniversary of Princess Diana's death. Why do we still miss her so much? Why do we still get misty-eyed and grieve her loss? One word: PROJECTION. We all project unowned parts of our shadow onto others. Those parts that are too painful or/AND too glorious for us to own we hang them on someone else to carry. Who do you love or despise? Go look in the mirror and ask, "Where do I carry the very same traits?" By owning our projections (don't forget the beautiful one's too!), instead of pointing fingers, we can change the world.

This is the second DearZanny show. Grief makes us squirm and feel uncomfortable. But what do you do when you're face to face with a newly bereaved person? Do you pretend it didn't happen, do you escape ASAP, do you walk the other way?

Talk To Me! Call me at 678-884-0524.

Email me: [email protected]. You don't have to worry alone, or try to figure something out by yourself - Let's talk about it!