March 28, 2010

So upon watching Lady Gaga's new video for "Telephone" and thinking "WHO MAKES 10-MINUTE LONG MUSIC VIDEOS" as well as "VIRGIN MOBILE WAS THE POOR MAN'S RAZR WHEN I WAS IN 5TH GRADE" I decided it would be fun to do an ongoing series of posts in which ideas for more of Gaga's videos are created. Because it's fun, that's why!

So, concept #1.
This one is for the song Telephone, still. Only, unlike driving around in Quentin Tarantino's pick up and killing a bunch of people in a diner and then singing about it while wearing American flag-printed bandannas people tie around their dog's neck on the 4th of July, it will actually be about a telephone! Lady Gaga and Beyonce are 50's housewives who work as phone sex operators at night. I mean, I know that they say "stop calling" about a million times, so it doesn't QUITE make sense, but it is still somewhat RELATED to a telephone (at least more than being really excited about making a sandwich) but in some interview later on Gaga can make up some shit about its "hidden meaning" or whatever and it'll be all good.

So we begin. It's a beautiful sunny day. We are looking, bird's eye view, at a nice little 50's suburban neighborhood. You can't really tell what it is at first - a grid, perhaps? - but we zoom in and enter the door of one of the identical houses, going through a hallway, zipping past posed family photos on the walls (but the camera goes too fast for us to get a clear view,) a dining room with a shiny table and fancy china, and finally arrive at the living room. It is the back of a couch, the back of a man's head visible, and in front of him is a television set with a baseball game on, and we pan to see that behind him - or, next to us, "us" being the camera's point of view - is Lady Gaga.
She's put together. She's pretty. She is almost unrecognizable. Her hair is back, she is wearing this look from Prada Resort 2008:and her makeup is pretty. She'spretty. She's almost as indistinguishable as those pictures of her from her Stefani days in college, or that part in Bad Romance where she is wearing very little makeup and you're like "WHOA IS THAT YOU?" and then she starts crying and you're like "CALM DOWN THERE, BUD (CORT)" and then you're like "I'M SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN IT DON'T SET THAT BED ON FIRE IT'S A VERY NICE BED."
Anyway, she's REALLY PRETTY. And it's weird. And, for once in pop music, pretty is scary. Because she isn't herself, because her expression reads like so: SAD, and because she is staring on at her baseball husband while singing things like "I can't hear a thing" and "you're breaking up on me" and he doesn't hear her and also it is creepy.
So since the dude is so entranced by the magical men with the magical gloves and bats and that magical ball that makes people GO CRAZY, Gaga is all "lol f this sh" and leaves. It's not a spur-of-the-moment thing; you get the idea that this is routine for her. Maybe she glances at a watch or something. So then she goes into the "KA KINDA BIZAYY" lines of the song and throws on her Viktor & Rolf Fall 2008 "NO!" coat:and walks out of the house. It is now nighttime. And she is bopping along down the road, passing nice little 50's suburban house after nice little 50's suburban house, and goes right into one. We again see that this isn't the first time since she tells it apart from all the other identical homes right away.

She enters, and - what have we here? Why, this appears to be a Phone Sex Operating Headquarters! With many other 50's housewives working as Phone Sex Operators! NOW we recognize Gaga! She takes off her coat. Her dress she had on is no longer there because of a little something I like to call MAGIC, and in its place is some skimpy little number designed by Haus of Gaga, and she takes her seat, and joins in on the phone sex operating, and she and her fellow ladies are having fun. And Beyonce is there, too, but it is TOO MUCH WORK to do the outfits and everything for her as well as the Ga, and while she is much classier than the Ga, she is also not as fun as the Ga, and I sort of have THINGS TO DO, BRAHS, so we will not go over all her stuff.

Well, anyway, you get the point. The song is basically a whole back and forth between her at home cleaning or dusting or serving her husband TV dinners or something and then being a phone sex operator with her pals and dancing her pants off. Well, more off than they were before. And I know she is a fan of killing people in her videos - be it by arson, poison, or sandwich poison - and she can do that too, if she wants. Not via a TV dinner because she's done enough killing by way of food, so maybe with Windex or something.

TIME FOR OUTFITS AND PRETTY THINGS YAYYYY
As far as color schemes go, muted pastels in the neighborhood and in the house, definitely, but things will change in the headquarters because...well, because I had a color scheme, but then the outfits I wanted to do didn't work, so DEAL WITH IT. Initially I thought red and black and white but that makes it seem so SCANDALOUS, so then I chose red and yellow and blue because they're just fun, and now it'll vary outfit to outfit because I have slaved and slaved on style.com and Photo Filtre working on this post for DAYS choosing the right outfits. Does my social life suffer, you ask? Ha ha! Not to worry, my Sims family was nearby!

Beige Celine SS10 top and belt, Prada SS00 skirt and AW10 glasses, Marc Jacobs SS08 inverted heels (tilt your head to the left,) and Miu Miu SS10 naked people collar. Basically this is just my dream outfit and I thought it would be fun to include? THAT'S ALL I GOT, KIDS

THE SEXY DANCETIMES LOOK

Okay, you have to imagine the Dolce & Gabbana AW10 look on the left, but with the embellishments that Carey Mulligan's Oscars dress by Prada had. The mini utensils and tools of all kinds are dollhouse-like, which adds to the creepy feel of the neighborhood and Gaga's house in the opening scene. The toy-like quality brought these Balenciaga AW07 heels to mind. Gaga can make up some shit about objectifying people or using them as toys or tools or something later on.

THE TALKING-ABOUT-OUR-FEELINGS LOOK

Any combination of pink, floral, and gingham would be too sugary for Gaga but this Christopher Kane SS10 dress is really perverse creepy good. With the Comme des Garcons AW09 makeup veil stuff, the sequined kiss and kind of face-clouding situation - SOMEONE SAY MY NAME? Ahem, anyway, that..idea, is sort of interesting when you think about her getting all emotional! and whatnot.

The pastels of the neighborhood are made more interesting and fun and sexual with the
Versace SS10 dress and shoes. The glitter and plasticness of this Marc Jacobs AW10 coat are kind of toy-like and artificial and represent a sort of cheap luxury, yet there's something really special about it, which somehow suits the video in a way that isn't necessarily conceptual but works in terms of the mood. This Hussein Chalayan SS10 hat is just all DON'T LOOK AT ME and Gaga and et cetera.

Now, since I really only wanted to do the outfits and didn't develop the story too far, I would love to hear any ideas for an ending from you guys. I would like it to end with this outfit- the glasses and dress are very 50's in silhouette but then are made of tough material or have spiders crawling on them, which is a nice contrast and very suiting to the video concept. The Trunchbull witchy laceup boots in a green color just works, okay?

Also, can we take a moment to appreciate the AWARD-WINNING job I did with this last photo? The proportions - especially the nonexistent arms - are so professional-looking!
Well that's that. Happy Passover.

I say you come in with a bang at the end with the minions, since you have them stomping around with her towards the end. the husband ... MUST DIE. i think she and alll her delightful little monsters (as she likes to say) should appear in the screen on the baseball field and they're all dancing around in Team GaGa uniforms (Beyonce included, i almost forgot about her) and then the husband kind of wakes up from his half-asleepness comatose that he's in and is all WTF WHAT'S GAGZ DOING ON THE TV?! and then the TV blows up and the house catches fire and burns down. and then we go to a shot of GaGa standing in the middle of the burnt reckage/rubble that was her house juxtaposed with the suburban backdrop. and then she'll give a wink to Honey B who walks into her suburban house across the street. oh and there will be siren sounds in the distance. this of course all happening while gaga's in the giles/wang/miu outfit laughing a small but sinister chuckle.

ROFL!! I remember formspring-ing you once about whether or not you thought of Lady Gaga as a fashion icon and you said you were on the hence of the subject or something HA! this is what happens then kid you EXPLOTE and start directing people's videos in your mind. This is better than the story you made up about "Avit" waiting for the Juergen Teller for Marc Jacobs book I laughed so hard at it :P boo sorry if I brought some awful memories back bwahahaha no really sorry. About the ending well maybe the spiders crawling on Gaga's dress are just her DAUGHTERS because then it turns out she was a giant spider who scaped from some nuclear waste deposit because that was really common in the fifties you should see Erin Brokovich or something. Hope you like my ending! Passing out now. http://fashionplusothermonopolies.blogspot.com

I think the non-existent arms actually make the outfit. It could actually be quite deeply metaphorical somehow?Yeah, I'm not going to elaborate on that.I really like the idea of the 50s setting though, really cool, and it fits with the song nicely.You should email this to Gaga! :)

Tavi you are a legend, now send this to GaGa and bribe her to make this. Seriously,that would be pretty hilarious.I really do love your writing style,and you make me laugh alot.Plus did you get this idea in a dream? Because these are the kind of crazy things that only come to me in dreams....Sofie onetoomanywishes.blogspot.com

i am willing to bet someone will show this to lady gaga and it will end up getting made slash you will end up working with lady gaga on her next project. past examples: obsessing over miu miu and then you got the miu miu. people love you, and your ideas!so yeah, i'll be waiting!

HEY! TAVI! Ive been visiting your blog for 2 years now, and finally finally Ive made one myself, and due to that fact, I can finally comment on your blog! Im so existed, well here we go... I admire the way youve developed this, and your outfits and everything! Youll reach high girl, I can feel it! I would like you to have a look at my blog (if you can) its in spanish bythway.http://www.lovefallsondeafears.blogspot.com/Its nothing great... but Im starting.PD: YOUR ARE REALLY FUNNY.PPD: :)

Why don't you make the ending like her waking out from a terrible dream, and she walks out of the house to reveal something opposite to the 50's. Vintage, but with a twist, like the dress you past her head on.

PS: You are very inspiring. Building confidence for the younger generation to do something new.

I could really picture this in my mind, your video would be much better than the original Telephone video, at least there's no 'we're-being-ironic-product-placement' in yours, that really put me off the original video.

Oh, jeez... I was just making a 50s music video script myself for the lyrics of my own and was going to share it on my blog, and now I see another blogger making a 50s script before I had a chance to finish mine... No, no, no!... *stomp*

Why does it so happen that pretty much everyone could get the same idea and only the first to stick a flag into it counts?

This concept is actually alot more exciting and far more, dare I say, realistic than the lesbo-prison movie meets an unworthy 'homage' to Tarantino get up they had going on. How stilted were the dialogues?! (I'm a cliche film student in love with 70s grindhouse and Tarantino hence the criticism)

I love the clothes etc you've posted as well.. definitely massive love for the Prada house-wife outfit and the Christopher Kane dress.

I really hate how Lady Gaga is trying to make a story with her music videos instead of focusing on the music video being about the song and the lyrics!! Your idea was SO much better!I think that the housewives (in Haus of Gaga costumes)and the husbands (in baseball uniforms) should have a dance-off in the middle of the street of suburban houses, and, of course, the husband dies...

Speaking of the Situation, I re-watched Ghost World for the millionth time a couple nights ago and realized that immediately before the Indian dance scene in the beginning, it says 'Jersey Shore presents'. I giggled.

If Lady Gaga read your blog, she'd be proud. And if she wasn't, maybe you could try out the whole Windex poison thing. Just kidding. If she was dead you wouldn't be able to force her to make this into a video. And that would be quite unfortunate.

Now that i've mentioned the word "unfortunate", I need to go make a post about some little orphans with an evil uncle, so toodaloo!

can i suggest an ending? She flies a goodyear (more product placement) blimp over the stadium while her boyf is playing, except cos it's the 50s it's more hindenberg-esque and she crashes it directly into his teeny antlike body. splat. Gaga gets her killing as usual.Possibly even another look styled like marilyn monroe but demented, to go with the baseball joe dimaggio thingy. Last shot of dementia marilyn gaga standing robotically while the flames engult the scene.OOH OOH just like a stepword wife robot or something

You should send Lady gaga an e-mail,your idea's better than hers...I think her video is good, but I don't think it match with the song and also lady gaga's songs are always kinda strange, she is singing about a telephone and then she said she left her head and her heart on the dancefloor?! Hm. Well, okay. xoxo; M

Damn I love you and indeed the last picture. I think I'd die and go to heaven if you could be the director of her videos. Alejandro she's supposed to be having Lara Stone, appaza!!

anyway, I like that she treats her videos as something she wants to do really well, and that they have the story aspect to them, but this was a let-down in the concept, seeing as its fuck-all to do with the lyrics of the song!!

i think the ending should belady gaga and beyonce are working and then there's the dance scene where they are basically leap on to their chairs(mod plastic black & white swively 50's type) and dance in super super thin stilettos (the balenciaga aw07 heels) and then they walk out of the house with the minions following them and into the sunset (lady gaga flicks her finger--a closeup of her DIZZILY ORANGE GREEN PINK YELLOW BLUE NEON COLORED NAIL) and the whole neighborhood bursts into flames while beyonce does something compromising with lady gaga and then lady gaga laughs the creepyish cackle and we see lady gaga's perfect stepford wives outfit on again against the smoldering wreckage. and then a random vintage 50's red (maybe ELECTRIC GREEN) phone appears on the ground beside lady gaga (it starts ringing) and she (dressed in the 50's housewife outfit) answers it with a simplehello, honey? (sugary voice)and then you see the charred remains of her husband with a phone beside him and it ends

The end?Beyonce and Lady GaGa fall in love with one of their phone sex users. And meet the person. They both get married to it, in a polygamist manner. Then they realize it's a hermaphrodite and it just gets too weird for them, even for Gaga.Oh, and then in the end, Beyonce dumps Jay-Z and marries Lady Gaga and they run off to Tahiti because they realized that they don't need phone sex since they're in love and everything, they're sick of the 50's undercover whore thing.

THIS IS AMAZING.I'd love there to be a scene where her, Beyonce and all the other sex-phone workers appear on the TV that the guy is watching, and it cuts to a sports field and they're all dancing madly, wearing Alexander Wang SS2010, but with diamonds and bright colours and just so more 'GaGa'.

Well here's an ending I will be satisfied with: she struts around with Beyonce and they're all "oh yeah we RULE THIS NEIGHBORHOOD" and then she sees her boyfriend and they stand there blankly for a minute and then she grows all huge and BOOM she's on top of the Empire State Building looking like King Kong and the backround looks like newspaper-no actually everything is made out of newspaper. It's like newspaper animation, if that makes any sense. AANYWAY, she's on top of the Empire state building and she's swiping at a plane which has her boyfriend in it and she finally gets him and bites off his head, like I do sometimes with gummi bears, and then she smiles and she and Beyonce romp around drinking rum! The end.

While reading this clever little post, I donned one of those perma-grins that I couldn't seem to get rid of even after finishing it because it really did make my mundane Monday that much more bearable and I have you and your creative genius to thank for it :)

If Gaga reads this, im pretty sure she's going to use your ideas. MAKE SURE SHE PAYS YOU...or at least puts you in the video as her child who kills the husband. Yes thats it, she should have this immense moment when she turns around and has a child hanging from her dress, the child then runs to the father and hits him with a HUGE telephone, then perhaps says 'you should listen to mom more' in a know-it-all voice.I loved this post, soo funny :)

So....... I played that in my head, while reading this, and it totally make more sense than jail, purple and obscene trucks, yellow on Beyonce, and those atrocious American flag, stolen from the set of "Hair", dance costumes, and poisonous sandwiches.

HIGHLY recommend you look at photos by Gregory Crewdson- I think it would be that exact creepy/twilight (not the movie... or book) feel you're thinking of... Think Magnolia and Tuesday by David Wiesner etc.- yet he captures that trapped/abandoned feeling well.

Maybe your version of the video could include a lot of focus on her shoes, and at the end of the video, she will realize that even though it's perhaps not the most accepted line of work, her sex operator job is far more exciting than her mundane with Mr. Baseball. So THEN, she comes home one night from work (looking slightly aroused), and she is wearing a black trench coat or something, and she is wet but not too messy because it was raining outside. She attempts to get Mr. Baseball's attention one more time, using the same wiles she uses on clients, but he just ignores her for the game. So she takes off her one of her shoes--Chanel's pistol-heeled shoes from 2009 (http://i14.ebayimg.com/02/i/001/2d/04/3a0f_1_sbl.JPG). We hear a gunshot faintly, as the music fades off, and then the last shot is this: Mr. Baseball lying on the floor, eyes open but clearly dead. The television flickers behind him, and the shoe is shoved into his heart with blood dripping out subtly. Then she steps over victim nonchalantly, takes off raincoat sexily to reveal something tough yet sultry underneath, and picks up the receiver of one of those old-fashioned phones and begins to dial in such a way that we know she is calling up a favored client or something like that.

Lady Gaga's husband (played by Mark Wahlberg) busts into the phone sex headquarters and he is PISSED! He busts out his machete and hacks off her arms, reasoning that if she has no hands, she can't hold the phone. Lady Gaga psychically communicates to Beyonce that MARK WAHLBERG MUST DIE!, and so Beyonce garrotes him with a phone cord. We then cut to *two weeks later* and see that, since she is awesome, Lady G is wearing the last outfit and continuing her phone sextivities using a proto-bluetooth device! Then she winks and we fade to black.

The phone sex place should get so busy and chaotic that the wires all cross and electricity and BOOM sexual explosion. p.s. I know you're very busy but I just made a music video plz look? It's Sleater Kinney and stop motion and you would probably like it? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCMTHpuwNhI

best post ever, tavi. i am sure looking forward to more of these in the near future.

and then also maybe there should be a windex dance where there are naughty heavily tanned skimpy window washing boys with lethal window wipers gyrating along to the chorus doing architectural wiper motions with their tools.of course during the last chorus.

Hi Tavi, I love your blog, I read it almost daily. I found it really inspiring :) I added your blog to my links. Continue writing, blogging, and being so unique! p.s. the courtney look is amazing, I always kinda felt attracted about her hair

YES, YES, AND YES.I can't believe how perfect this is, I'm kind of dying over here, thanks.I don't really think your video needs an ending, anyway - this is Lady Gaga, she does what she wantsss.Fantastic.

(you know, i've been reading you're blog since you were blogging about school play costumes, and i've never commented until now) I loved this post so much, they really should have gotten you to write the screenplay (do you need screenplays for music videos?) because you're version, and the outfits were so much cooler then the ones in the actual video. cheers ;)

great post by the way pretty funny, I would love it if you could view my blog and comment on some of the post i've done. It would be great to get some feedback :)http://theoriginalitgirlofthemoment.blogspot.com/

great post by the way pretty funny, I would love it if you could view my blog and comment on some of the post i've done. It would be great to get some feedback :)http://theoriginalitgirlofthemoment.blogspot.com/

great post by the way pretty funny, I would love it if you could view my blog and comment on some of the post i've done. It would be great to get some feedback :)http://theoriginalitgirlofthemoment.blogspot.com/

Not sure if you knew but the video is supposed to be a continuation of the Paparazzi video hence why she is in prsion at the beginning and then the poisoning happens again and beyonce is wearing the glasses that flip up from the paparazzi vid

Just thought you'd be interested...it means i makes more sense! haha xxxx

Hey Tavi!!!LOVE this post about lady gaga's video! I know you posted this some time ago, but i've been obsessed with gaga's video as well as this post since i read it (the viktor & rolf "NO" coat is suuuch a brilliant idea!)anyway i was just listening to the song today, and another outfit came to my mind: all those "telephone" prints from Jeremy Scott Fall 09'!!I think they would have been great on Gaga in your version of the video!!!Especially when she's phone-sex operating lol!Anyway congrats for ur blog i love it!take care,xxxH

Ok so the first time i read this i guess i didnt read it clearly and i thought you were actually summarizing the real video but just making new outfits for it. and i was super into it and then when i went to watch the actual music video for the first time i was super excited and then...dissapointed. Unfortunately they are not phone sex operators. but it would of been better if it was how u described it. esp. if it included the victor&rolf F08 no coat.

Never a disappointment with your creativity. ^.^I completely agree with this.It's CRAZY, I know, to to think 'Telephone' being about a telephone operator of some sort, isn't it?

What if, for the opening, rather than the telly set opener, though, Lady G is working as a phone operator? Camera zoom-out, Biance's working next to her and glances over. GaGa turns away and switches plugs. (Their both dresses very '50s normal.)

Cut to GaGa putting on her coat and leaving. She walks through a very, drab, dull, muted-toned town. She arrives home, her husband, as in your scenario, is sitting on the sofa with the telly briefcase and hat laying next to him - all very '50s. He looks over at her, she smiles lovingly back.GaGa's in the kitchen, she keeps glancing at the clock. She looks bored to death: 'same old routine'-thing.Singing the song to herself. She glances at the clock again, then outside. The sun's low. She tosses in a plate with frozen steak (yes, she's throws in the plastic plate at al), and leaves without turing it on. As she's walking, the neighborhood changes: Suddenly, it's all bright lights and mannequins in shop windows wearing GaGa style outfits n bright colors.She's seen entering the same telephone operating buliding, the only building that hasn't changed on the outside. It looks dull. But inside's completely different - it's the phone sex place (as you said).Beyonce's there, too. Only all 50s-housewife-gone-Haus-of-GaGa, with a dress made of what looks like cellophane with telephone poles/wires striping it, and her hair done up in oversized rollers,and she's wearing the Balenciaga heels. GaGa takes off the 'NO' coat and is now wearing a dress made out of old phones and phone wires. Her shoes are platform with the soles made of '50s/60s telephones, and the wires wrapping around her ankles like straps, and the dials used for decorative buckles. And on Biance's 'stop telephonin' me-e-e-e' a the lights on the phone's light up to the beat of the music. There are extra dancers, too. They all have corresponding costumes, etc.

Almost at the end, Biance picks up a call, looks at GaGa and hans it to her. The screen splits, and it's GaGa's husband, tie loosened, shirt partially undone on the phone. GaGa gets a shocked/flabbergasted expression. On the 'you're not gonna reach my telephone' GaGa hangs up, you see the husband kind of looking the phone, and then it goes back to GaGa putting on her coat, still in her phone dress. She goes home opens the door (she has one hand behind her back) and pulls out a gun, her husband's just come down the stairs. She shoots him...but twisty-phone wires come out and tie him up. The wires's have gone through the gun off from her dress. Now she's wearing something else (?), black. She takes out the hand behind her back and she's holding to live connection-wires from the phone operator place (Biance, from the phone switchboard, hits a switch). The view's outside the house. You see a very 50s looking sci-fi flash/zap-thing. As the end of the song comes, after the singing, you see lady GaGa in her 'NO' coat leaving the house with a slight smile walking back to the now ordinary phone operating building. It's dawn. Song ends.