Your -1th source for Halo satire.

Main Menu

THEORY: Is Beamish The IsoDidact?

We first saw him in Halo: Forward Unto Dawn. He was bald, he was sexy, he held a motherf***ing space mop with dignity and diligence, and his name was Hamish Beamish. Before we begin the theory, here’s some background on Beamish.

During his distinguished career, Beamish served as a faithful custodian/badass for the Corbulo Academy of Military Science on Circinius IV. On April 26, 2526, Beamish would observe a l33t MLG 1v1 between Cadets Thomas Lasky and Michael Vickers. His achievement during his observation won him many awards, and gave him great fame in the eyes of absolutely no one. His career further reached new zeniths until when Circinius IV fell under attack by the Covenant. The Corbulo academy would be destroyed, and the entire planet was glassed. However, his fate remains a mystery.

What happened to Beamish? Was he cremated and rendered to glass? Did he escaped the doomed world?

HaloSwallower has determined a different answer: not only did Beamish survive the fall of Circinius IV, but he was actually the IsoDidact the whole time. Here’s why…

There is absolutely zero evidence to suggest Beamish is the IsoDidact.