8. Do you wear anything with sentimental value?~ my wedding and engagement ring

9. What advice would you give to a friend with cancer?~ Trust GOD, He knows what he's doing in your life.

10. In time for Thanksgiving, what are you most thankful for this year?~ Good health of the whole family.

11. If you could say only one thing to the world, what would it be?~ Love.

12. When was the last time you let the people you love/people who are important to you know you love them/that they are important to you?~ I always do in anyway I can, sometimes not through words but in actions.

Friday, November 28, 2008

It was such a busy and long day for me. I was up at around 4:30 AM and was already out of the house at 6:00. I must say I accomplished a lot today. Passport done and will be released on the 22nd of December, so that was a major accomplishment for me.

It will also be a busy weekend (as always) for me. I think the coming weekends will be the busiest for me this year. Several Christmas parties coming, a fund raising concert and a wedding to coordinate, well at least I have friends I can count on to for help.

Oh..the Twilight is now showing and also the Eraserheads concert. I wish I can see anyone of the two. My golly, I have never been into movie house since ages. I don’t even know that there’s a kind of home theater lighting now. I would really love to se twilight. I hope I can ask hubby to come with me.

Anyways, tomorrow is a long day again so I better hit the sack now. I’m like awake for 21 hours now. Sheesh.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

I haven’t tried inquiring more so of buying any kind of insurance. My eldest sister is the one who I think invested in this stuff. And now that economy is not good and there has been many pre need companies that was force to close, the biggest I know is the CAP, I don’t think it is best to get insurance at this point in time. However, if you still wish to get life insurance I guess you just have to search for the best life insurance rates there is or educational plan if you want that. It is best to equip yourself before buying such di ba? And research about the insurance company, know their assets and liabilities if you can, their investments so you would know if you really are in the good hands.

But in the end, it’s still GOD who knows the future and we are always safe in HIS mighty HANDS.

And though IRIS is not hosting the regular Thankful Thursday this week I would still want to give praise and thanks to God.

First, I thank God for hubby's passport which he is gong to receive on the 18th. God honored our very first step of faith. Mine is still pending but I'm quite assured that I will also be granted a passport.

I also want to Thank God for what breaking my heart last night before HIM. Indeed a broken spirit and a contrite heart, HE will not despise. I thank God for giving us the time to really soak in HIS presence through non-stop praise and worship.

I thank God that HE will provide for our very first mission trip to Macau in February. Thank God for the provision for that trip and for giving me extra income through paid blogging. For the weekly assignments like the las vegas hotel reservations I have to do now.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

The hunt for that nice and yet affordable house to rent is still on going. I saw one that I like last Saturday that is very near our current place too. It has two rooms with a small veranda, it also has a big living room and a laundry area. I wish I could afford the monthly rental though which is beyond the budget I am allocating.

I really would want to buy a house of our own someday. Even a small house in rural area would do. I would love to decorate and arranged my own furniture. Like the way Schumacher Homes designs the homes they built for their customers. They also help you find and built your home the way you want it to be. Look at this lovely kitchen;

Now, I wish I could at least make a my kitchen as bright and as spacious as that.

at least one of my blog friends thinks I am and I am grateful for that :) Thanks so muchemz! Now I would like to pass this one of a kind award to my wonder woman blogger friends too. This is for you NANCY, MARI, JACQUE, LISA, VICY, JAMMY, JOWN, andCARMEL!

The one I am going to talk about is another wonder from the internet world. There are too many now, can’t count them on my fingers anymore. It never existed before where the only communication people knew is through writing letters and verbal, and then came the telephone. And the technology as we all knew didn’t stop with the telephone, and then came the beepers, the cell phones, and now the internet call.

I used to wonder how the telephone was invented and how it works, I stop wondering now how we can make phone calls through internet and how it works. All I know is that it makes life lighter and easier especially when you have family from a distance.

Now, we can not only make calls through internet but you can actually do Voice Broadcasting. It is the newest telecommunication method where you can broadcasts your phone messages simultaneously to hundreds of recipients. No not only to hundreds but to thousands of people actually. That’s like real broadcasting with a much cheaper cost.

Myvoicedialing.com is the site where you can do that, they also offer robo calls for political organizations. I guess politicians can take advantage of this if they want to win. And they do a lot more telemarketing jobs.

I wonder what’s going to be next in the internet world. Let’s wait and see.

Good Morning! Though it is really not good to me because I wasn’t able to secure my passport this morning, I’m thankful na rin that hubby’s application was approved, he will have his on December 18. We were there before 6 AM and guess what? There were plenty of applicants lined up already. I thought we will be first in line but nope, good thing there are chairs so you’re sitting while waiting for your turn. I can’t wait that long standing on my feet unless I am using an MBT shoes which somehow helps in correcting your posture while standing.

I shall go back to DFA tomorrow and I’ll make sure I’ll go earlier so I’ll be on the first line. Please keep on praying It ‘ll be ok this time, armed with old Identification cards I hope I’ll be done by 9 AM.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

We're going to DFA tomorrow morning for our passport application. It was supposed to be this morning but we woke up late and also hubby has this regular staff meeting that starts at 8 am. We finally decided to attend the IT Regional Conference in Macau on February 8 to 12. Encouraged and inspired by people who mattered to us, we will take the step of faith. This will be the start of our many missions trip together-we were made for this.

Step of Faith because if we will look on the money we're going to spend on that conference there's no way we can do that. As you all know, my hubby is a full time staff of our church and they only get meager amount of allowance monthly. And though I am working, there’s no way I can afford that trip for both of us.

BUT I’M SURE OUR GOD WILL PROVIDE.

So we’re taking the very first step tomorrow as we go to DFA to apply for our passports.

Can you imagine how beautiful a tree fence is? Look at this Leyland Cypress Trees. See how nice it is? How I wish I could have that kind of fence in my own yard someday. I love greens because they look so peaceful and hubby would definitely love it too.

These trees can be order through mail and according to some of their clients they do shipment fast and the quality of the trees are good. You gotta love those tree fence. Even if you are not a seasoned gardener you’ll have no hard time growing them because they grow fast.

I so want a nice landscape and I dream of having it right there on my yard someday.

Yes, we’re currently looking for a house to rent, probably in Makati area or Manila but near Makati area. We started the hunt last week. It’s not easy to move on, the place where we live now is such a blessing because we are provided our own room with free electricity and all. But sometimes you just need to move on and spread your wings.

I know this new journey my hubby and I will be traversing will increase our faith and will let us see how God provides for His children.

The mission’s house has become our comfort zone and it shouldn’t. So we’re leaving our comfort zone to where God would allow us to soar high and hold on to His promises.

Monday, November 24, 2008

It’s the time of year when we decorate our home with reds and greens, with golds and silvers which are all so good to look at. Now, if you’re such a theme adherent you may also use accessories with Christmas colors like this Holiday Glass Frames From Zenni Optical. Yes, they are The popular online eyeglasses shop that offers $ 8 Complete Rx Eyeglasses. If you want something christmasy to wear everyday you can do so with your eyeglasses. Advance Merry Christmas everyone!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

1. What do you and your parents fight/argue about the most?~Money and sometimes decisions2. What’s your favorite song at the moment?~ right at this very moment? "Worthy is the Lamb"3. Any plans for tonight?~ It;s already 11:42 Pm so I guess to go to bed would be the best plan4. If you could have any job what would it be?~ I'll go for Mai's answer..yes, stay at home mom or wife.5. What is your favorite time of day?~ no particular time but it would not be in the morning6. Do you like mustard?~ yeah..7. What kind of phone do you have?~ A nokia which model I forgot (office issued phone)8. What are some things that you have to have everywhere you go?~ my wallet and my cellphone9. How is your relationship with your mother?~ I am her confidant..naks! I think I am her shock absorber now..10. If the year consisted of only one season, which would you choose?~ Summer.11. Is there a girl/boy that knows everything or mostly everything about you?~ hubby12. Do you regret dating anyone you dated?~ yes13. Do you always answer your phone?~ yes, if i missed a call I'll send a text14. Looking forward to something this week?~ Payday! woohoo!15. How did your day go yesterday?~ Quite full with lot's of office works.

Friday, November 21, 2008

There is a buzz going on about Roca wear. And what is that buzz all about? Let’s go find out.

Is the buzz all about the 25% off they’re having for the men’s basic and the lounge pants 2 for only $30? Or is it about the contest on holiday prize pack where you can win Roca wear favorites worth of $350.

There is a lot going on over there so if you have time, visiting their site might be well time spent. There are also nice Roca Wear Coats and jackets available in store for everyone. As we all know winter has come too early. So shop till you drop and enjoy your holiday season inside that warm jacket and coat.

I've been in the blogging world since 2005 but only became active last year. I started to build links and build friendship in the blogging world as well. Now, I can say I have blog friends that even without meeting them in person I can say they are my friends.

And Nancy, I'm so flattered by this. Thank you so much my dear from the bottom of my heart.

What’s the most delicious chocolate for you? Do you think you already have tasted the best Chocolate there is in town? I guess not for me, first it’s very seldom that I do eat imported chocolates, second there are variety of chocolates all over the world. But wait, have you heard of Gertrude Hawk Chocolates? If you haven’t then here’s bit information about them.

It is a chocolate company based in Pennsylvania. They create gourmet chocolates like dark chocolate, fresh fudge, caramel dipped apples and a lot more. And I heard they still use the same ingredients Gertrude Hawk used in her kitchen long time ago. Imagine the same ingredients from way back 1930’s or so?

And because it’s Christmas, they now offer holiday gift collection which I think is awesome. What a wonderful gift to give and get this Christmas. Yummy! Take a look at these tempting photos below :)

Take a look at their site if you’re in a manufacturing industry and you need solutions on your lifting problems. They just might be the answer. Shuttlelift is a Crane Manufacturer and they do boast of their 50 years expertise providing solutions to different manufacturing industries like marine, steel or aerospace. According to them, engineering is the blood of their business so they always have engineered solutions for each customer. Take a look of their renowned gantry crane below

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

You are totally ready to be a parent.You pretty much have your life in order. In fact, there's a good chance you've been thinking about starting a family. You are financially and emotionally stable.You would provide a good home for a kid. It's also likely that you understand kids well. You've spent a fair amount of time around children. If you're already a parent, you are doing great! Keep it up. More kids wish they had parents like you.

I love taking pictures although I must admit hubby has the gift of taking beutiful photos and not me. I accumulated tons of photos ever since I got my first digital camera. And even when digitals are still unknown to the world, I already am hooked in keeping pictures. Back home, I have so many photo albums and every time I go there I look at them and all the memories preserved with the pictures came to life all over again. Nice feeling.

And now that we are living in the digital world, most of don’t keep pictures on albums anymore but on hard discs and view them in their computers. And I always do that too. I never get tired of looking at those pictures. But before you can do that you have to upload your pictures to your computer first. And you don’t have to worry of running out of memory because there’s also available website where you can upload all your photos and you can even let your friends view them. See? Another internet wonders.

One time, we went to a retreat and we can’t wait for our pictures to be uploaded in the computer, we immediately watch it on the big screen of our tv. Hubby plugged it into our television monitor and viola, viewing them on a big screen is indeed a pleasure. Now, if only we have an LCD TV, that would have been way way better. Right? But then again, I still enjoy looking at them both in computer or in TV as much as I enjoy taking them.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Honestly, I've been reading a lot about PCOS ever since I was diagnosed but I only read about Vitamin D and PCOS just now, so in top of the rest of Vitamins that we have to take we still need plenty of Vitamin D. I will take note of that.

My second post for this meme and today I'll show you more of my hometown. I do miss the ambiance and the simplicity of a province life.

When we went there last summer, I was bale to capture this picture. You can see this everyday in front of our house. This animal is the most important animal in a farmer's life. I haven't tried riding one though.

And the vast expanse of rice fields. Nueva ecija is the rice capital of the Philippines and I promise to take more good photos of beautiful rice fields this December.

To see more of other's world. Visit MY WORLD site and show us your world too.

I’ve been planning to buy a new domain not for me but for our church, I want our church to have each own website too but my limited knowledge in IT is making it impossible for me to push through with the project. I searched for church websites not only here in the Philippines but also in other countries and I was amazed of how beautiful, how good the designs of some websites are.

It is with this that I began to consider asking some IT Consultants, I admit I cannot do it on my own. Web full circle is a good site to look for web oriented service, whether it is about web design or Ecommerce or search engine optimization, they have it. IT outsourcing is so in today,why? because of the availability of someone to do the job you required in the time you need it so it means less overhead expenses.

I know it is much better if we outsource the website design from professionals. We will just tell them what we want and what we need and I’m sure they’ll be able to do it good. And the maintenance won’t be too hard for us also. Less work for me, less hassle. But we have to secure a budget first.

Eds gave this to me. Thank you so much sis! And to keep it going I am passing this to CARMEL!!! She's a very new blogger so let's see if she can do this kind of meme now. Oh she writes good devotional materials so if you want to be inspire head on to her blog. Click this.

“Don’t let the Candle of Love, Hope and Friendship die. May God richly bless you as you keep this candle burning. Pass it on to all your Friends and to everyone you love.”

Monday, November 17, 2008

Well, for those who have money I guess. This last weekend was probably the weekend with the most stores on sales. I saw lot’s of malls with on going sale, why? Because it was payday and a weekend and yes people are already doing the Christmas rush. We went to a small store yesterday which was also on sale and of course what can you expect? A lot of people so major headache and leg ache afterwards.So right now, I am considering much the thought of buying gifts online. I’ve seen a lot of online stores lately and was able to visit at least 5 of them this morning. Think of not going out and braving the crowd on weekends, enduring the long lines to the cashier and all those shopping nightmares during this season you can imagine. All of that we can avoid if we do shop online right?

As I was browsing online stores this morning I saw one beautiful and sleek reading lamp from shopwiki. This one is just right for our room and perfect for my night reading so I think I’ll again include this to my home wish list. Me and hubby needs a good reading lamp. And I saw night lights that are so colorful and beautiful too. I wish I could buy them all.

There were also books available there which I still have to browse. I even saw a lot of good stuff on sale actually from Electronics to clothing and to almost everything a buyer might need.

So if you’re not yet done with your Christmas shopping like me and you don’t want additional hassle you can do your shopping online. I’m sure you can find many many good stores and good stuff out there in the world of internet.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

I received a cal last week from a friend way back my Cabanatuan days , and it felt good to be reun ited once again, we went in their place to celebrate Fedorah's daughter's 2nd birthday. Was I happy? Yes! very much althought there were only five of us. It is indeed great to be reunited. We're hoping for more get together soon :) and there was an abundance of food!!! wow! grilled bangus and tilapya, tokwa't baboy, pansit, siomai, rice cake (from Nueva Ecija) cake, ice cream, maja blanca. I imagine all those foods now and I feel like I am hungy.

From left, (dax, michelle, mcoy, fedor, me and jeff)

I took this picture on our way home, there were plenty of this along Las Pinas Road, I just don't know exactly where. Christmas na nga!!

Good morning! This is very rare for me. I usually don’t blog on weekends more so on Sunday mornings but here am I.

Well, I had a blast yesterday seeing old friends. It was such a nice feeling. I miss them so much and the laughs that we usually shared. It’s a blessing to have friends you know you’ll be friends forever. I’ll post pictures probably tomorrow or later tonight.

For the meantime, if you are still looking for extra income on the net, I know we all do especially now that spending season is here, who wouldn’t need an extra moolah right? I found an Affiliate Network and I’m interested. Pepperjam is the name of the company and I’m sure you have heard of them already. They’re one of the very first in the market so they must be very very reliable and for us publishers we need someone like that. We need partners that can provide us all the resources we need to be successful. I saw lots of bloggers already affiliated with pepperjam and if you’re not yet one of them, why not join now?

Thank you so much NANCY for these 2 beautiful awards :) I appreciate all these kind of wards and I am happy to have them here. I would like to pass on the same awards to old blog friend cacaand mari. LOve you both!

Friday, November 14, 2008

Weekend is here again and this time I have something to look forward to. Tomorrow morning we’re off to Bacoor, Cavite. I’m going to see old friends from Cabantuan and I’m so excited. I’m sure there will be lots of stories to tell and lots of updating to do. Can’t wait for tomorrow.

But then, I have to deal with the “today” first.

And today means office work and that includes a research for IT Outsourcing companies here in Manila. I don’t know if there are lots of them here but I’m quite sure there’s plenty in other countries. Have to see advantages and disadvantages of outsourcing too.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I took this picture when we went home to our province last April, it was our barrio fiesta so there were parades and band like this one. I miss this and I was happy to be able to see one again. You can often see something like this during fiestas and of course there were lots of foods too. I still remember when we were still kids we use to go to small carnivals that are being set up during fiesta month. We love the rides and the cotton candies. Beautiful memories. I seldom go to my hometown now a days and I admit I also want my would be kids to experience a life in the countryside. My sister is planning to build a house of her own there someday and she also wants to have a home business when they retire. While me? I don't know, for now our plan is still in focus with going out on the mission field wherever that maybe.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

I slept last night with a terrible headache and I woke up this morning with the pain doubled. I don’t wanna take medicines as much as possible but I can’t bear the pain so I took one right after my breakfast. I can’t go to work if I didn’t.

I’m thinking of so much “pressure” as the major source of this headache plus it was so hot yesterday. And I admit I am stress with all these activities and responsibilities I have. Good thing the Lord never fails to remind us not to stress out but stand still.

I still have lot’s of to do’s for the benefit concert we are doing. There are still tickets for distribution, poster for printing and a lot more promotion to do. I haven’t met with all the concern people yet for the coordination meeting and I only have 23 days left.

Talk about stress, pressures and headaches. I have them all now.

Edited :

Just an hour ago I got a call that the venue we reserved for the concert is no longer available for us..waaaah! and that we have to move our date to December 06. That's unfair!!!!!!!!

If you’re planning to take a lot of pictures this coming December because we all know December is a season not just for Christmas but for many different occasions too like weddings, reunions, parties and all. You might want to buy an SD card that you can rely on so you’ll have more rooms for pictures less the hassle of uploading it in your computer immediately. I found an 8 GB memory in the net which was priced now at $32.24 which honestly I don’t have any idea if it’s cheap or expensive. But that is really a huge storage. I only have 2GB now and yes it is often too small for me and hubby as we both love to take pictures everyday. But sad though that I can’t still upgrade, there are still lot of priorities to settle before that.

Monday, November 10, 2008

I's not Thursday yet but I would like to do a thankful post which I have in mind now. I just want to thank the Lord for the paypal money I am regularly receiving for months now. It's not that huge but it is a big help.It helps us pay our monthly bills, it gives us little luxury like eating out once in a while and most of all it is a big help in both our families too because we do send support to them once in a while and we're also sending my youngest sister in law in school. It also helps us buy small stuff for the house and I know all the gifts I'm buying this December will come from that paypal money.. Who knows one day I'll be able to buy that lcd monitor too. It's on the top five of my wish list now.

Not everyone has given the chance to have an extra income and I must say it is a blessing indeed.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

I know I am not a showbiz fanatic but I was quite sad when I heard the news this afternoon about Karylle and Dingdong break up. I heard her statement from showbiz central and I can feel she's hurt and of course you don't want that to anyone showbiz or not.

If you haven't heard or read the whole story yet which was featured at the Ricky Lo's Philippine Star column, you may catch the whole article here.

I missed two coffee breaks already and I know I’m late for this week but nevertheless, I still want to make a post about it.

For now, I consider my wedding as the most celebrated milestone in my life. Why the wedding? because it is indeed a milestone, a change in status, a change in environment, a change in lifestyle. It is a total and complete change of life.

And also our wedding was by far the most memorable event in my life, from the preparation to the exchange of vows to the reception. Everything.

I am still waiting for a bigger milestone to happen in my life that would topple the day of my wedding, probably that will be the day when I give birth. But since it is not happening yet, I still have my wedding day in top of my list.

Well, I guess I’ll consider learning how to unlocked cell phones too as a milestone but I guess hubby would be first to do that because he is more techie than me.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

I received this in my email from an egroup yesterday, and right there at the office I cried,this afternoon I retold the story to my husband and know what? he cried too and then we hug each other telling ourselves how important the open communication is in marriage. This is a very sad story and I don't even have proof if it's true or not. Please read on and take a box of tissue with you or a hankie would be better.

Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of askingMother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years withus. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother enduredmuch hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see himthrough to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great dealand did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he istoday.

I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balconyfacing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant some greenery.Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and startedspinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, hesaid: "Lets go fetch mother." Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to teston his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any momentput the tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument and bothrefuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his headcontinuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to thiskind of panic-joy feeling.

Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. Forexample; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, shecould not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young peoplespend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat theflowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood willalso become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and hubbysmiled: "Mum, this is a city-people' s habit; slowly you will get use to it."

Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever camehome with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and shewould shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come homewith lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much theycost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it.Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tellher the full price of everything would solve it." There begins the frictionto our otherwise happy lifestyle.

Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. Inyour view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At thebreakfast table, mother facial __expression is always like the dark cloudsbefore a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use herchopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest. As I am adance teacher in the Children's Palace and is exhausted from along day ofdancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional fewminutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all theprotest mother makes.

>From time to time, mother would help out with somehousework, but soon herhelp created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kindsof plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and thatresulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimpon dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not tohurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again. One day, late at night,mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroomdoor and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficultposition, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. Ipretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignoredme. I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me andsaid: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eatingfrom a bowl however unclean it is, right?"

After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to meand you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house.During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who toplease. In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mothertook on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without anyprompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eatinghis breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed toperform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, Iresorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work.

That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is itbecause you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose notto eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears asfeeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some time, hubbysighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with nochoice but to return to the breakfast table.

The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt asudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up mythroat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I couldn't. I threwdown the bowl and rushed into the washroom and vomited everything out. Justas I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudlyin her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at mewith fire burning in his eyes. I opened my mouth but no words came out ofit, I really didn't mean it. We had our very first big fight that day;mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of thehouse. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down thestairs.

For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was sofurious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up withher, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having thefeeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled withall the events happening at home, I was at then low point in my life.Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible, you should go and see adoctor."

The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant. Now it became clear to me why Ithrew up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through thatotherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through thisbefore, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day?

At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only beenthree days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but onelook at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. Hefollowed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't knowme; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart.

I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, Ihave such a strong urge inside me to shout to myhubby:"Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me aroundin circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, mytears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand thetest of one fight? Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, andthe disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket.

That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on thelights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing themoney. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit bookand some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me forgood. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave afew dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again.

The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have agood talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weirdlook and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in thehospital." I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the timeI found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, hisface was expressionless.

I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control thetears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen? Throughout the funeral,hubby did say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stareat me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from otherpeople. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed towardthe bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in thecountryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as shetried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her...

I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown upthat morning, if we had not quarreled, if...In his heart, I am indirectlythe killer of his mother. Hubby moved into mother's room and came home everynight with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guiltand self pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell himthat we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead lookin his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell backin. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scoldingthough none of these events happening had been my fault at all.

Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby camehome later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were livingtogether like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knotin his heart.

One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, Isaw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushedher hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from thatmoment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby andstared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, andthere is no need to say anything.

The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubbystretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me, challengingme. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at thebrink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, Iwill collapse together with the baby inside me.

That night, he did not come home, he had chosen to use that as a way toindicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each other. Hedid not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home fromwork, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned totake some of his stuff.

I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything tohim vanished.

I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again andagain every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physicalexamination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting thebaby, I told them No, I will not. I insisted on having to this baby, perhapsit is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.

One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The wholehouse was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was thispiece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it.

In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to findpeace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait awhile, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just likemine. As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, youcannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come outfrom there.

After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. Ismiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me.Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed thepaper to him.

LD, are you pregnant?"

Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could notcontrol my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said:

"Yes, but its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat,facing each other.

Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket.In my heart,everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could neverreach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me,

had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't.

In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in hiseyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scares in eachother's heart. For me, its unintentional; for him, totally intentional.

I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now,what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated.

Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth tomy heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buysfor me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him.

>From the moment I signed on that piece of paper,marriage and love hadvanished from my heart.

Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, Iwill walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother'sroom. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I keptquiet. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he wouldfake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, hewould then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time I cared forhim and am concerned because there is love, but now, what is there betweenus?

Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing but i continuously ignored him.Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products,children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of itstacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this toreach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choicebut to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on hiscomputer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing, but none of thatmatters to me anymore.

It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one latenight, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing intothe room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting forthis moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holdingmy hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout thejourney to the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried me andhurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmthbody, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me asmuch as he did?

He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in, his warm eyescaused me to managed a smile at him despite my contraction pain.

Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son, and me, his eyestear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand. Hubbylooked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I criedout for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes ofhis... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truthis, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment.

Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it wasalready in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last thislong. I asked the doctor when did he first discover he had cancer? Doctorsaid about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral."

I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his roomand checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me. Hubby's cancer wasdiscovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that...the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son: "Son, justfor you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall,is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you will have manyhappiness and maybe some setbacks, if only can accompany you throughout thatjourney, how nice would it be. But daddy now no long has that chance. Daddyhas written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you mayencounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you canrefer to daddy's suggestion.. . Son, after writing these 200 thousand words,I feel as if I have accompanied you through your life journey. To be honest,daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the onewho loves you most and also the one who loves me most..."

>From play school to primary school, to secondary,university, to work andeven in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was writtenthere.

Hubby has also written a letter for me:

"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain Ihave caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I wantto see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby... Mydear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile,thank you for loving me... These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them toour son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him everyyear, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging... "

Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son overand place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our sonto remember being in the warmth of your arms..."

He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in hisarms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on thecamera and the sound of the shutter rang thought the air as tears slowlyrolled down my face...

A fatal misunderstanding and the person who love me the most in this worldis gone forever.

I just woke up. I know it’s way too late but I slept at around 6 AM already. After dropping and bloghopping last night, I went to bed at around 3 am and then switched on the TV and found a good movie by Johny Depp so there I ended up sleeping so very very late.

It’s weekend today and I am not doing anything special, no general cleaning, no putting up of Christmas decors yet as most of the housewives I know are doing now. I think I might go back to bed after doing some online tasks. I am plain lazy today, all I want to do is eat and sleep.

I miss snapping some new pictures already, our camera has been useless for almost a month now not because it ran out of flash memory but it's because the battery is dead, someone borrowed it and left the battery charger. I wish I could buy a new battery but there has been so many unwanted and unexpected expenses last week.sad.

Hubby and I are doing fine. Last night I watched 700 club and the Lord spoken to me through that show. I still am hurting over those incidents last week but I’ll try to look at it in a different note now. Nobody’s perfect and I am far from being one. Everybody makes mistakes (uy hanna Montana song!) anyway.

Well, as I have said I will just visit some blogs and go back to bed again. Hope you’re all having a nice weekend!

Thanks so much Ems for this friendship tag, this brightened my gloomy day yesterday.

Start copying here:
Here are the rules for this tag;
1.) Copy the badge and put it on your blog,
2.)Link back who pass you this tag,
3.)Spread this tag to at least 7 or more bloggers who you think you are friend with.

And lovely are the blossoms
That are tended with great care,
By those who work unselfishly
To make the place more fair.
And, like the garden blossoms,
Friendship's flower grows more sweet
When watched and tended carefully
By those we know and meet.
And, if the seed of friendship
Is planted deep and true
And watched with understanding,
Friendship's flower will bloom for you.

Friday, November 7, 2008

I was deeply touched and encouraged by this story of living by faith. A faith dress. Of course it was not the dress but it's the faith of this lady that God was truly pleased and HE honored it.

For those who are TTC ladies like me, read on and be encourage too.**************************************************************************************

8 years ago, it started. My Egg #2 had recently turned 2 and the desire started for another baby….that GIRL baby. But Mike said “wait”. Gave no timeframe, just wait. Any of you ladies know, THAT is not easy when you WANT another baby!

But I waited.

In February the following year, I went on ladies retreat to the Shopper-Lovers DREAM place: Branson and there in the Outlet store of The Children’s Place was the most GORGEOUS dress I had ever seen. I wanted this dress SO badly! I just HAD to have it…..who was with me in the store that would SEE me buy this dress and think I’ve completely lost my mind? I’ll buy it in secret….and hide it…..no one will ever know….

I bought the dress and had to get the matching shoes as well, and then dutifully hid my guilty purchase from my roommates and all the other ladies on the retreat. I mean, afterall, it would look INSANE for me to be buying a DRESS for a girl I do not even HAVE! People would think I had LOST my mind!

I come home and I hang this dress in what would be the nursery if I did have another baby, and that baby just so happened to be a girl. And my sweet loving husband thought I had gone insane. He actually said those very words to me more times than I can count.

And that’s where it started, I started BUYING girl clothes. I was obsessed! Garage sales mostly, nothing else was new other than that perfect velvet dress. But I had BOXES of girl clothes!

And as life is so FUN to do, our life transitioned through several moves in and out of our house, to the Children’s home, back home again….and after everything settled back down and we were back into our house, I took the dress back out again and hung it up dutifully back up into Mike’s office what would be the nursery. Everytime I went into that room or passed that room for any reason, I would pray: “Thank you Lord for giving me a sweet baby girl to fill this dress.” Sometimes the prayer would be long and the tears would flow, but life was busy, so a lot of times, the prayer was just simple, “Thank you Lord for giving me a sweet baby girl to fill this dress.”

And then the last move out of our house into our NEW house, Mike decided he was just TIRED of carting around these boxes and boxes and BOXES of baby GIRL clothes and insisted I get rid of them. I would LOVE to say I was the sweet, dutiful wife. I’d LOVE to say that I didn’t bawl like a big baby too. But I’d be lying. I did give ALL those clothes away to someone who needed them and I DID cry like a big baby. It was the death of a dream. I also prayed over those boxes, “Lord, I’m sowing a seed of FAITH to have my baby girl.” But oh YES, I kept that original red velvet dress.

And in the new house, what WOULD be the nursery was decorated with the beautiful red velvet dress hanging on the wall where everyone could see it when they passed by the room. And every morning I’d pass it and thank God for the baby girl to fill that beautiful dress. And every evening I would thank God for that baby girl to fill that beautiful dress. Friends and family (except my Momma of course) teased me mercilessly over this dress, but I was undeterred, I prayed all the time over this Faith Dress. I was the mother of 2 very handsome boys who prayed over a dress.

But obviously, you know the end of this story: Egg #3, born 7 years after Egg #2 and 10 years after #1, was indeed a girl. And she is gorgeous and PERFECT and everything girlie.

I could not be more thankful to a God that listened to the desperate cries from a crazy woman who wanted a daughter so badly! I thank Him all the time for His faithfulness, and yes, I still cry in the baby girl aisles of stores. They are THANKFUL, GRATEFUL tears of joy that I serve a God that has compassion on crazy women!

And I still have that Faith Dress even though it’s long outgrown. I will hang onto it as a symbol of God’s faithfulness to me. And who knows, my next desire is another baby girl to wear it, but one adopted, maybe from China or even Mexico….who knows….

But if you see that dress hanging in my house, just start the praying after you stop the laughing. ;)

****************************************************************************************Dana of "from Chaos to Grace".

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Good morning everyone! I am at work today and it’s a busy day but before all those office works, I wanted to write this short post about Reverse Phonebook Canada. I actually wrote about this few weeks ago but it was only available then in the United States. I’m sure a lot of Canadian people will be happy about this kind of phone number search. Here you can search numbers from all the provinces of Canada so you’ll worry no more if you have unidentified numbers in your caller ID. Just got o the site encode the numbers and there you’ll see who’s been calling you. I still wish this kind of internet wonder will also be available here in the Philippines soon.

And if you feel BLESSED and you want to share your BLESSING and make someone happy this CHRISTMAS please support our benefit concert. Your 100.00 will help these kids finish school, will help some kids learn to write and read and will help transform their lives eventually. For information you may click the picture to see where to call.

Monday, November 3, 2008

I’m trying to learn something about SEO and adsense and high density keyword and other site stuff. I’ve been spending sleepless night for quite sometime now. It can be frustrating especially when you have limited knowledge but I am still trying. At least now, I know a bit about keywords and also about SEO. Imagine, I’ve been blogging since 2005 and yet it’s only now that I am doing things like this.

Let’s see what I got from these readings.

I tried searching for KVM in the internet and it gave me a whooping 32,700,000 results. Chances are if I make a post about it nobody will find my page. I tried KVM black box and it only resulted to 573,000, notice the difference? Unfortunately as of today that is the only thing I learned.

But I’m quite sure I am learning. Maybe slowly but still I am learning.

I'm excited! as excited as my friend J-mie who is getting married there come November 28, 2009. One more year to go. Oh yes, it's still 12 months but we are excited. Sonya's Garden is such a nice place, we already visited the place twice and it never fails to amaze us of its lush gardens, the beauty of the flowers, the serenity of the surrounding. Perfect for a wedding venue. Perfect for a place to exchange vows before God and men.

Can't wait to see her walk here with her wedding gown!

And of course..can't wait to eat this healthy and super yummy salad again! For details on how to go there, you can visit their website.