Saturday, January 30, 2010

Memory of daddy: The birth of Lola

If you know me, you know I have an issue with my memory. I have trouble remembering yesterday all the way to my youth. So this, is to document what I do remember...

I remember giving birth to Lola, and I remember calling my dad to tell him about her arrival. He didn't come that night, he didnt want to run into my mom, but he did come the next day. Jim had left to get a little rest, shower and bring me a few things. Ange was not there, Mom was not there. I was alone, with lola, and I was so tired. I was emotional. Sad that no one was there. Daddy walked in. I was so relieved. (I wish I would have told him that.) It was just me him and our new Lola. Reminded me of when he was there when I delivered Giselle. The difference.... He was in the delivery room for Giselle.
But not Lola. Per my request.
Daddy held her. He saw I was tired. He saw I needed help. He recognized I needed him. He took her. He sat on the over-sized chair they call a couch-bed. He told me to sleep. He told me "you rest, take a nap baby, I've got her." I rested. Couldn't really sleep. I was in pain, ecstatic he was there, excited about my new child, and worried he was fucked up all the same time.
Nevertheless, all was well. I closed my eyes for about an hour. Listened to her sweet sound and daddy soothing her. Feeling the pain in my neck and the warmth of the heating pad the nurse was so kind to give me.
He didnt stay long. He needed to pick up the kids from school. I understood. He saw I was in pain. He asked how long it had been since I had pain meds. I told him, "To long, but I have to wait 6 hours." He quickly offered two vicoden and a soma. While I thought, "that is a good combo at a time I need to make milk" but I just said thank you, pretended to take them and thanked him for coming.
He came to check on me twice at home with in two weeks. Once alone and once with Flor and the kids. I wanted him to stay longer. I wanted him there more. I wanted more visitors. And he knew that. But I wanted just him. Not Flor, not his new kids. Just my daddy. Selfish, I know, but that is what I needed.

That's it. My memory. I want to keep them fresh. I want to remember them. even if they were his worst days.