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‘ANTM’: Bali and the end of a bromance

Don worries about his Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which we know will play into this episode as soon as he mentions it. He also packs the controversial clown that we were meant to think got Kanani eliminated a few weeks ago. I’m not sure which part is more alarming.

“I’ve never been anywhere. Don’t make fun of me,” Jourdan annouces upon arriving Bali. This ensures that she will indeed be made fun. of. And it was glorious.

The first Bali challenge tasks the models to walk an underwater runway in designer swimwear and Buzz Lightyear helmets. For an audience of no one. Really, what is the point of this? It seems like a lot of effort and manpower for zero impact. (Why am I trying to be logical about this show. NEVERMIND.) Renee wins because she has “attitude” underwater. Let’s go with that.

Don’s anxiety flares up, and though he gives it an effort, he panics and can’t complete the runway walk. (I ain’t mad at him for that.) DEUCES.

Nina reveals that she had part of her lung removed because of an airborne fungus and can’t safely go deep underwater for fear of a serious injury. Both she and Don are allowed to do the challenge mostly above water. This is clearly something Nina can’t control, and it makes her upset. She cries and worries and looks to one-time BFF Chris for comfort. But he’s all, “Whatevs.”

Has Nina seriously forgotten that she drew a line in the sand regarding their friendship, and maybe he’s just honoring it? And also this.

And let’s talk about Marvin for a minute, shall we? This is the guy who refused to embarrass people during the Perez Hilton challenge and got congratulated for it. So brave! So anti-bullying! Way to stand up for everyone!

And this is also the guy who this week wished ill on Nina, including broken ankles and more tears, so she would be eliminated. And who said Chris is just standing there and being pretty. Marvin. Who pretty much just stands there and is pretty in every photo. (Seriously, flip through the above gallery.)

Oh, and he’s also a ladies man. RENEE YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS WAKE UP GIRL.

This week’s photo shoot focuses on endangered animals because hardly anything this cycle has to do with actual fashion so why not. Each model must become their animal. BE THE LEOPARD. BE THE PYTHON. BE THE ORANGUTAN.

Except no one do anything like this, ever, because it’s ridiculous.

Kelly Cutrone calls Jeremy’s photo “the butler for Siegfried & Roy.” Tyra Banks sees “a little Liberace.” BUT HE IS STILL HERE. WHAT ARE WE EVEN DOING ANYMORE. (Also that was some EPIC reading, ladies.)

Jourdan has easily the worst shot of the bunch, but it’s not her fault. The styling makes her look like some sort of ’80s-era Sharon Stone drag queen. It’s hideous.

Nina cries again because she’s convinced her python photo is bad. She ends up with a stunning final shot and earns best photo for the second week in a row. SO STOP CRYING ALREADY.

Cory’s orangutan photo isn’t bad but also suffers from bad styling. And it is clear that Rob Evans hates Cory. He’s also cranky and contrary throughout judging, disagreeing with Tyra and Kelly on almost every point. It’s awkward and gets a bit ugly.

Tyra please bring back Miss J or Mr. Jay. You had your fun with the pretty boy. Miss J would regulate up in there with a quickness.

Chris, the recipient of so much recent haterade, looks stoic and majestic to me in his parrot photo. I’m with Kelly and sort of love it. He’s much better than Marvin, who is expressionless and lost any sense of model in his photo. Marvin is gorgeous but often has no idea what he’s doing, professionally or personally.

I think producers are attempting to set up Chris as this cycle’s villain because it wasn’t working with Jourdan or Renee. Stay strong, boo. Don’t let them get you down.

Don’s thick neck and Marvin’s bland face land in the bottom. Either way, the bromance is over. I like Don for the most part and really wish it was Marvin. No such luck. And now that I think about it, Jeremy isn’t so bad.

Note: This is a seattlepi.com reader blog. It is not written or edited by the P-I. The authors are solely responsible for content. E-mail us at newmedia@seattlepi.com if you consider a post inappropriate..