Transcript

Good afternoon Sports Racers, it's Monday May 22nd, knowledge has a camera that's playing "I'm a little bitch and I'm broke and go rent a camera that was probably used for porn."

(Accented strange voice) Faster, faster, you must go faster. I like it, I like it, I like it.

S-s-s-something from the comments.

Kitty writes, "Hey Ze can you sing the rules for the King Of The Comments?"

(Sulky face) I dunno, I didn't have much time today, my camera busted.

The rules for the king
For the King of the Comments
(Sports Racers... Hard Chargers)
If you like a comment
Then you press the small blue button
(Little Duckies... Leave comments)
Maybe if you hate a comment
Then you press the small red button
And, over time
(over time) You will see
You will see a change
If you become king (you will get a crown)
You will get a crown
At least for now

(Tiny chuckle, funny voice and accent) Just for you!

Tune into your local radio, Sports Racers, because tomorrow "If The Earth Were a Sandwich" hits the airwaves.

(Singing) If the world were a sandwich...

Special report! Jonathan from Fiji made an attempt to contact the African nation of Mali in an attempt to cooperate on an Earth sandwich.

In response, the person in Mali said, "Where in Mali do you need the bread laid? i.e. what city? And to be honest with you, nobody is going to do this for you for free...."

I'm not sure you could get a better example of why the Earth needs to be a sandwich.

In a time when Democrats are pointing to ethics scandals in an attempt to retake the House, Democratic Representative William Jefferson proves you can be a jackass on either side of the aisle.

Federal agents found $90,000 in cash hidden inside Jefferson's freezer. The money is allegedly part of a $100,000 bribe. Jefferson maintains he's innocent and said, "I certainly did not sell my office."

(Singing) Say the opposite, say the opposite...

The article makes no mention of whether the Feds will attempt to freeze the rest of Jefferson's assets. (Snickering in closeup)

He couldn't resist cold hard cash.

Solamente gags!

The New York Times reports that the sixty billion dollar tax cut bill that President Bush signed this week tripled tax rates for teenagers with college savings funds. This is despite Mr. Bush's 1999 pledge to veto any tax increase.

Read my lips, no new taxes!

Those little college-age bastards have been leeching off the system for years.