Link Love (2013-11-23)

Thought-provoking

“It’s nice to think that the bad people who are there to hurt others are wearing a sign that warns potential victims away. However, that idea ignores pretty much every thing we know about abusive people. A charming friendly person who never has a cross word for someone in power–someone who says all the right things in front of the right people–could be a great ally. To some people. And, all too often, that’s enough to excuse the fact that they use more vulnerable people as emotional or actual punching bags. When allegations are made, or, in some cases, even in the face of direct evidence that there is a problem, there is a tendency to make excuses. To ignore everything written about bullying, violence, and abuse in favor of blaming the victims.” Unsafe Spaces – The Toast

“If you have a lot of changes you want to make in your life (or your routine is going to change abruptly), my advice is to start with bigger, bolder changes that you can focus on completely. Because the habitual effort is comparable for big habits and small ones, you get a sizable advantage for fixing the big ones first.” Bold Moves are Often Easier than Small Ones – Scott H Young

Religion

Equality

“More importantly, both catcalls and assault are forms of entitlement. The (primarily) male street harassers believe they have the right to access girls’ and women’s bodies. They feel they can say and do whatever they want, and if women don’t comply, well, then they’re a bitch or ugly, and the men may feel justified in grabbing them, throwing trash at them, assaulting them or running them over.” When Street Harassment Is More Deadly Than Catcalls – Ms MagazineComments – Robot Hugs

“The tone argument is a form of derailment, or a red herring, because the tone of a statement is independent of the content of the statement in question, and calling attention to it distracts from the issue at hand. Drawing attention to the tone rather than content of a statement can allow other parties to avoid engaging with sound arguments presented in that statement, thus undermining the original party’s attempt to communicate and effectively shutting them down.” Tone argument – Geek Feminism Wiki

“At 2 ½, my daughter has entered that portal into imaginative play, that magical place where she could become anything. So when she declared she wanted to be a firefighter for Halloween, I set out to do something I believed would be relatively easy: Buy her an authentic looking costume. But, within minutes of my online search, my screen burst with images of little girls donning sexy costumes and standing in seductive poses.” Firefighters Don’t Wear Dresses: When Will Halloween Costumes for Girls Reflect Reality? – Role / Reboot

Beauty & Body Image

“Before I was thirteen I had been invisible. Glasses for children were a lot bigger and more face-distorting than what is available now, and my parents did not know how to style my curly hair properly. People who did not know me used to say things such as, “You must be very smart.” Whereas if I was standing next to someone pretty, they would complement them on their attractiveness. I was used to this until something miraculous happened. I started straightening my hair, I got contact lenses, and puberty was very kind to me. I went from being invisible to beautiful in two weeks. Everyone treated me differently. In stores shop assistants were much more attentive and helpful. Female receptionists in offices where I had appointments smiled at me more. I got more free samples for things. For the first couple of weeks I loved the newness of it, but after a month I was pissed off. Only my appearance had changed. I was still the same person. As a result of my teenage experiences I was already a bit ambivalent about being attractive, so being more so plays into those conflicted feelings. I would rather be recognised for being smart, witty, and all-around awesome” Knowing Your Nose – Reluctant Femme

Inspirational

“Sometimes we simply get tired of the daily care that needs doing over and over.
Other times, we feel resentful or irritated at our bodies for needing so much. It’s as if we have an idea in our heads of how much care we think we should need. And if our real needs differ, we may feel angry. We feel frustrated by our very human neediness itself.” Why sensitives thrive with limits and structure – First Ourselves