To Make Love OR Not?

A few days ago, I had picked up the kids from my in-laws after work. I was sitting there talking to Mrs. Harris during a Oprah episode. Normally, I could careless about what Oprah has to say. Her four o’clock time slot just got in the way of my cartoons growing up. As an adult, I feel she gives advice on how to raise your children and marriage that is off base. That is like me telling a pilot how to fly a plane. You can not speak or give advice on subjects that you have no first hand knowledge of. I could go on for days on reasons I detest her.

Sorry for jumping off subject, but that gets me heated. So while talking to Mrs. Harris I started to pay attention to the subject matter. It was about the lack of physical intimacy between married couples. Maybe, subconsciously being a married man I took a particular interest in this. The thing about marriage is, anyone’s story can easily become yours. So I tend to pay attention to these kinds of things. I’ll show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.

This one couple, the wife did not like kissing or being touched by her husband. That is just creepy by itself. This other couple did not have sex for two years. Amazingly neither party had cheated. ” I do not know how that can happen”, I thought to myself. Seriously who can go that long without not wanting to be with their mate. It is beautiful that both parties remained faithful during that time. Their main issue was due to conflicting work schedules. Which amazingly is a major problem with a good deal of marriages. The relationship expert on Oprah stated, ” 15% of married couple’s have sexless marriages”

Now let’s analyze my own situation for a moment. I have been married for almost two years. My wife has a job that requires her to be on call literally 24/7. My job at times requires me to work the most random schedules. Sometimes I work early in the morning or night shift that could be interrupted by a late night delay. I did not even get on the subject of having to raise two children. That itself is another fulltime job. Now, having a household with two working adults that have schedules that do not match can lead to many nights where one will just feel like sleeping. So I could see how that could delay intimacy. Maybe things are easier for couples, where one party does not work. Things also could be easier for a working couple that is childless. You have to go through your daily grind, then come home to do homework, prepare dinner, baths, and getting ready for bed. With all that to do the last thing on your mind after your done, is sex.

I basically left the door wide open for skeptics to say, ” That’s why I’m never getting married”. The most important thing is marriage is not for everyone, I do not advocate it just because it was right for me. I have been in every level of relationship, I can honestly say, marriage is nothing but a relationship. A relationship with a lot more at stake, but a relationship none the less. No different from living with someone for twenty years only to break-up. In some states it is considered a common law marriage, and your mate is still entitled to whatever is yours. Any relationship, regardless of status is a work in progress. Both sides have to be willing to put in the work to make it a successful union. That requires taking time for one another. People change over the years, so sometimes you have to take the time to get to know the person next to you. I’ll take the time out to rub her feet if she has had a hard day. She’ll make sure to stay up a little later for me to get home so we can have some alone time together. We’ll go on our dates as if it were our first. That is dedication, everything else takes care of itself.

This Could Be You?

Now I know what you ladies are thinking,”The asshole done lost his flipping mind!!!!” Trust, there is a method to my “maddness”. Some of the women that oppose my view are probably the main one suffering from TINS . I know the truth hurts!!!!!!!

In order to understand what TINS is, one first understand the genesis of this syndrome. Let’s take a stroll down memory lane for a moment. Place yourself in your, Junior High School mindset. Ok, now your sitting in your old class take a look around the class. Do you notice a common theme with the girls in your class people? The girls in class go for certain kinds of guys. While the normal guy is sitting there, the object of his affections is looking at the jock, the popular guy, or the bad boy. She’s looking for the boy who is “The It Nigga” in school. As they get older “The It Nigga” becomes the rappers, sports stars, drug dealers, niggas with the nice cars, etc.

I ain’t saying she a goldigger, but she ain’t messing with no broke niggas

What happens to the typical TINS suffering female is that she never outgrew her lust for the come up. “The It Nigga” is all she has her sights set on. She will not take a second look at a normal man, because she views him as boring or lame. You can stop reading if I’m wrong.

She becomes a slave to her search for him. She becomes a slave to what she put with, because of him. She becomes a slave to TINS , because she enjoys the status that comes with “The It Nigga!!!!” All the while shunning the man who could be ideal for her.

Do you know a female suffering from “The It Nigga Syndrome” ? If so, instruct her in how to get help. She has to be willing to face her own worse enemy, herself!!!!!! Back to the original question. Where have all the good men gone? The answer is simple. The good men have not gone anywhere. They just stopped looking in your direction, so you can continue your search for “The It Nigga”.