I now wish with all my heart that the rest of the Western world will follow. Any decent nation must recognize that polygyny as practised by certain muslims and mormons is indeed barbaric and polygamous men should not be allowed to enter any democratic nation.

– But you are polygamous! you might say. Yes. But the Zero Tolerance for Barbaric Cultural Practices Act forbids oppressive polygamy, not free and equal polyamory.

The next step would be to make sure that all democratic nations also recognize spiritual marriages (nikah e.g.) as grounds for a bigamy sentence. And consequently make sure that all barbaric men who practise islamic or mormon polygamy, and the women who enable it, are sent to prison for a long time, having committed a crime against humanity since it is difficult to find any other crime that causes such pain and long time suffering to women and children.

I have been reading your blog eagerly. My husband is about to marry again. We have been through every possible issue regarding polygamy and we have tried to agree on practical problems so as to minimize friction, like the schedule, moneys, holidays, talking to each other on the other wife’s day etc. I’m still worried though. I’m trying to keep my nafs in check but I’m worried about envy, jealousy and losing out.

But what worries me the most is losing his love. What am I to do if he loves her more? How am I to cope with watching him fall in love? I am HORRIFIED when I think about it, having my husband in my home, my bed but falling in love with another woman. And I do understand that he will, that it’s inevitable.

So I wanted to ask you, is it possible to love two people at the same time? To love them equally? Or will I be losing him, when his love for her grows?

Thank you for an answer,

Hasnat

Answer:

Dear Hasnat,

You’re in for the mother of all pain.

Watching your spouse falling in love, deliberately opening his heart for another woman to enter as a visitor here put it, is the most soul wrenching experience one can ever go through.

Will you be losing him? Probably not. A man who can have two women who love him won’t give one up if he doesn’t have to. You will however lose what you have now. Never again will you be his number one or only priority. Never again will you be the only one he turns to late at night to talk about happiness or sadness. Never again will he be an equal partner to you, one who invests as much of himself in your relationship as you do.

It is possible to love two spouses at the same time. Equally? Well yes. 2+3 equals 5, and so does 4+1. I wouldn’t say that 4+1 and 2+3 are identical, but they are equal and they both add up to 5. I don’t think you can ever harbour the same love, or identical love, for two spouses but you can love them equally.

I wish you didn’t have to go through this. I shudder at the thought of what lies ahead of you.

We see how domestic violence is the greatest threat to a woman’s life. Most women who are murdered, are killed by a close relative – oftentimes the significant other. Societies that condone domestic violence, or even state that men have a right to discipline their wives, are promoting a state where men dominate women by force.

Most women who are raped, are raped by somebody they have a close relation with. Sometimes a friend, more often the significant other. Of course, a society that condones rape, or even states that there is no such thing as marital rape since the husband’s right to his wives’ bodies is absolute, encourages men to take women by force.

We see how men regard themselves as superior. They claim a superior right to careers, to higher wages, to status and acknowledgement. Of course, societies that claim that a wife must obey her husband, that a woman’s place is in the home, submissive and silent, promote men’s subordination of women.

This way, men’s natural tendencies towards aggression, violence, arrogance and sexual violence are promoted by patriarchy. And at the pinnacle of patriarchal societies, we find polygyny. Through islamic polygyny a man is allowed to cause his wife the ultimate pain and humiliation by forcing her to share her life, love, time and body-fluids with other women. In islamic polygyny, as opposed to e.g. polygyny among mormon polygynists, a husband has a right to beat his wife/wives if they do not agree to sex whenever he wants it or if they try to leave the house without his permission. A muslim polygynist is allowed, even recommended, to demand sex whenever, and beat his wife if she doesn’t yield to him. Islamic polygyny promotes all the most vile, primal and evil tendencies in man.

The best, most natural thing, to do to teach men humility, compassion and love is to make them eat the dish they have prepared for women. By forcing a man to share his wife with other men he must learn to overcome his possessiveness, jealousy, aggressiveness and feeling of superiority. This is the reason why men need polygamy. Equal polygamy.

Polygyny is equally harmful to men and to women. Polygamy where men and women have equal rights to become polygamous is equally beneficial to men and women.