Scars Of A Torn heart

Summary:
The Cullens are in Australia when a new influenza out brake strikes. Carlisle asked Edward to help him with a patient that has been through so much in her life; and will change Edward forever. The trauma of slavery affected Isabella greatly but can Edward be able to help her, not only in her battle with the influenza but also the battle that goes on in her mind?
What will happen to the two lonely souls? Will they find happiness? Will they find Love? Or will they force each other apart because of their pasts?
And will they finally find their Happy Ending?
Edward/Bella

Notes:
its my first Fanfic. so be kind. i don't own any of the twilight charters SM owns all.

6. Chapter 6:My story

Over the past couple of weeks Bella had been improving with her gifts and how to handle the new life that she was given. The second time that she went hunting was only a day or so after her first. Jasper, Emmet, and I took her hunting for crocodiles. She was still a bit tense around Emmet and Jasper so we decided to ease a bit of the tension with some fun. We were beside a river and Emmet was telling Bella his "rules" for her.

"Now since you did not wreck any of your clothes when you first hunted there are two rules. Rule number one you must get all muddy completely no matter what Alice may say and rule number two is a must, this is a big must," he pursed to emphasize how important rule number two is while Jasper and I just rolled our eyes at him. Bella was staring at him like he was a lunatic. Then he continued, "must have FUN!" he said with a big cheesy smile that made us all laugh at him.

We all picked our croc and got ready to spring and then leaped simultaneously. We were rolling around in the mud the thing that Emmet loves to do other then picking a fight with a bear. We were laughing and having fun when there was a gust of wind from the east and the scent of a human was carried along with it. We did not have time to blink before Bella was up and running. We all followed pushing ourselves as fast as we could to catch up to her when suddenly she stopped dead in her tracks the thoughts that were going through her mind confused me somewhat. 'I can't do it. I've all ready taken too many lives as it is.'There were faces going through her mind. So many faces but no names to go with them I should ask her about it later. She was tense, her eyes were closed and she had stopped breathing.

"Bella are you all right?" I sniffed the air there was no trace of the sent as the wind had changed direction. "You can breathe now Bella it's gone now." Slowly she opened her eyes and took a breath and a sigh of relief came from her lips.

Emmet and Jasper shocked, muddy faces stared confused at her and they asked at the same time. "How did you do that?"

"I could not kill them. What if I knew them? They have lives, a family. Who am I to take that away from them?" She was trying to hide her thoughts from me but to make sure that I was not suspect anything, and thinking about how Alice is going to be when she sees the state of our clothes but I could tell that there was an underlining sadness there.

We kept on hunting for the next couple of hours and started to head home when Jasper bet that he could beat her in a wrestling match easily and of course Emmet decided to bet ten thousand dollars on Jasper and begged me to bet for Bella. He wanted to somehow win a bet against me. I told him no but then the nagging and the whining started and so I said fine just to shut him up but for some reason I had a feeling that Bella just might win.

When we got back to the house we did not bother changing we did have a little dip on our way home so we were fine. Emmet and I got comfy on some boulders ready to watch the match. Bella was talking to Jasper, "I promised to try and not use any of the gifts that I have."

"And don't worry Bella, I'll go easy on you." Jasper said in his southern American accent and smiled politely. Bella smirked at him 'you do that jazz and be ready to lose.'I laughed at that.

They circled each other and then Jasper attacked. Leaping towards her and she defended all his blows and then she went for the attack. She moved like a dancer in and out she saw all of Jasper's holes in his defense, she calculated each punch as to not hurt Jasper too much. Jasper never found any of the holes in her attack or her defense except when she let him. She fought with such grace and power it was like she and Jasper were dancing— a very deadly dance. They threw punches and hits, leaps and bounds as they performed the art of war. Jasper staggered by some of Bella's hits but soon found his balance and went back in to the attack once again. This went on for a few hours Bella was getting a tad bored. She learnt all of Jasper's skills which she used back against him but she also learned all of Jasper's holes and blind spots in his defense. Bella moved back away from Jasper with an evil glint in her eyes and then she ran right up next to Jasper and before he had time to defend her attack she leapt in to the air and gave him a king hit right in the head, all the while calculating how hard to hit so not to take his head off. Jasper fell to the ground on his knees and Bella came around the back of him and whispered into his ear.

"Got ya Jazz, I win." Then Jasper fell to the ground and huffed.

"Want a hand up Jasper?" Bella asked, extending her hand.

Jasper grunted and took her hand, "you got one good hit there Bella. OW my head hurts." He said whimpering and rubbed his head.

I looked to Emmet who had his mouth hanging open in surprise. "So... Emmet, how about that ten thousand that you owe me?" I said smiling at him.

He grumbled something about never winning anything and then got up and handed me a roll of bills and walked over to where Bella and Jasper were.

"How did you do that?" Emmet wondered, looking at Bella, then turned to Jasper, "and I thought you could take a new born?" Jasper just shrugged still rubbing his head.

"It's a long story." The sadness was back in her thoughts again but she tried to hide it. The others did not push it and went into the house. 'I know you want to ask me. You've been thinking about it all day.'

I looked to meet her eyes. 'Would you talk to me about it?'I thought to her.

She thought for a moment and then nodded her head. "How about we go some were? I have a little spot up in the mountains. We can go there?"

"Ok," We took off running. I led the way to my spot that I come to think. When we got there I went over to a bolder and sat against it padding the spot next to me and she came. "You're probably going to hate me after I tell you my story... my whole story," I was about to say something but she held up her hand and then she continued. "When I was a slave I was taught how to fight. I had to learn fast and each trainer I guess you could call it would teach me. At first I could not even walk on a flat surface without falling but I had to learn and I did. As the time went on I became unbeatable. All of my opponents I would learn their skills and use their own skills on themselves and all the others that I had collected over the time. As I did with Jasper but his is the only I have ever... let live... They were dead when I had…had enough or got bored with them. I'm a murderer... a monster! I killed for sport, for the enjoyment of my master. I did everything I was told to do. At first I didn't but then people got hurt because of me. But either way people still would have died. My first master it was just his games but my second…I was his very own little assassin. If the master says kill, you kill no argument." She was curled up in a ball weeping.

I felt so helpless. I went to wrap my arm around her to comfort her but she bolted up right and moved to the other side of the little clearing. "Don't touch me! I'm a monster! I don't deserve you or your family! I don't deserve anything! I should have died a long time ago— back when I was that clumsy little slave girl who was scared out of her mind! I should have died with the rest of them but oh no not my luck! I had to be the one that survived! Me! Why me?" Slowly she sank to the ground curling up into a tight ball once again.

"The lucky ones died in the beginning," she whispered softly. "...died in the beginning," she repeated.

Slow and careful I came over to her and wrapped her in my arms and held her to my chest. "You're not a monster, Bella. You did not have a choice."

She looked up at me. Pain. There was so much pain and grief in her eyes as she whispered, "No your wrong. I did have a choice. And I chose wrong."

We sat there like that for what felt like decades. We just looked out over the scenery. I knew that that was not even half of her story and that there were many hurtful and painful things to come but that was for another time. She was not ready yet to shear all of her story but I know she will. She just needed time. We did not say a word just sat. I forgot that she could read my mind but I did not care if she listened. I thought about what she said about choices. In a way, we all did have a choice but some time we don't. Like she did not have a choice to be a slave as I did not have a choice to be a vampire. But she did have a choice whether to kill or not but even if she choice the alternative there still would have been a fatal consequence, and like me I too had a choice as I now to believe to be wrong. No matter the types of people that I had killed I was still killing them. Just because I did not kill an innocent does not make it right.

I had learned that a long time ago. I can still hear the minds of the vicious and sadistic killers I had killed while playing judge, jury and executioner with their lives. I never once thought that they could change. Not once. After a while it got too much for me and I could not take the killing any more. It was taking too much out of me. So I went back to Carlisle. I begged for forgiveness and he gave it freely with no hesitation as I came back to him with blood red eyes that show my shame. I never deserved for him to treat me like his son and yet he opened his arms to me with no indecision; not in his mind nor in the words he spoke or in his actions. Carlisle was all ways so companionate and understanding, he never tried to push us. We could do what we wish but in that we had to suffer the consequences of our decisions that we chose. I still remember each and every face, every name, every thought, ever life I extinguished for what? To make the world a better place? Even if I tried I could never take all the evil, all the sin in this world because I can't do it. It would be impossible for me when I too am a monster; a monster of monsters, a killer of killers. No matter what I do in the future I will all was be a monster, a soulless monster that must feed the thirst of his beast that always attempts to get out of the cage that I have him imprisoned in.

I came out of my reverie by Bella's voice "Edward I think we should be getting back soon." That's when I realised that we had stayed out here all night and the sun was beginning to rise.

"Let's just watch the sun rise then we'll go back."

"Ok, Edward."

We sat in silence once again as we watched the sun rise over the mountain landscape. As the sun hit the suffuse of our skin and reflected of like thousands of tinny demands imbedded in our skin I was court at the sight of Bella as she was to me. We stared at each other and she ran her left hand down my face amazed at the way mine and hers sparkled. She looked into my eyes "how can you be a monster if you look and are so perfect?"

"Appearances can be deceiving and I could say the same to you as well."

"I guess we should be getting back now right?

"I guess we should."

We ran in the direction of the house. The bush land was once again a live again with birds singing in the high up trees and I remembered something. "Can we take a slight detour?"

"Why?"

"Because I want to show you something you might like"

"Why are you hiding you thoughts from me?" Bella asked as I continued to translate my medical textbook in to Greek.

"Because it is a surprise."

"I don't like surprises."

"Oh I think you will like this one."

We ran south for awhile until we reached the Blue Mountains and then I picked up the sent that I wonted and followed it as Bella confused as to what I doing and was just following behind me. There was a little clearing up ahead with a creek alongside it. There drinking eagerly was a herd of wild brumbies. The beautiful creatures ranged of many colours whites, blacks, browns, greys and others. I had remembered Bella telling me when we were talking in my room that other day that she had always wanted to see wild brumbies. He farther had told her different stories about the brumbies but she had never seen one and I decided to show her some. She was smiling from ear to ear. She lunged at me, pulling me into a hug "thank you thank you!" she whispered excitedly.

We had been there for a while just watching them when she turned to me "do you... um... feed on them?" she wondered nervously

"I personally don't. I'm not sure about the others but I think of the horse as a noble creature and should be treated as one. Anyway even though the brumby is not a native Australian animal it is still endangered because some of the humans hunt them." I said truthfully.

"Thank you Edward?"

"For what?"

"For taking me here."

"It was my pleasure Bella?" I said smiling at her, "do you want to stay or go back?"

"Um... I guess we should go back." She said reluctantly.

"I could take you back to see them again soon if you wanted to?"

"Thank you Edward. That would be wonderful." She said smiling up at me.

So then we made our way back home, speeding alone the forest floor with the wind rushing through our hair and through our fingers. We laughed and talked about everything and anything as we ran. Freedom was flowing all around us. We were happy in that moment the conversation from last night forgotten for the moment. Nothing could make me happier in this moment.