Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Asses Asses Everywhere

I hate to plug Murray "To Each His Ass" Chass, but he wrote a piece about Devern Hansack recently. Gives a little more info about the guy, and Assy doesn't badmouth the Sox for a change. Unless you include his snide remark that starts "Lest we forget..."

The (forgotten?--not by me) game he describes in the article was one of my most memorable Fenway experiences. I guess now would be a good time to revisit it. To cancel the Chass plug, I'll plug myself: The Nixon-leaving-field shot and the Hansack on the hill shot both make excellent desktop wallpaper.

While searching "red sox" in the news, I came across this gem. It's always good to read things like this to build confidence in your own writing and satirical skills. I'm guessing this person is, well, frankly, twelve years old. Where do I even start making fun of this?

How about the picture: There won't be any games at Yankee Stadium in 2090, as it's scheduled for demolition more than eighty years prior to that date.

Andy only has one A.

If you're going to make fun of the Red Sox, and you've decided that despite winning the World Series, they're still a team that just can't win, well, at least be consistent with the history. (Again, the history which includes winning the fucking World Series, you stupid Yankee jerkoffs.) Say that the Sox will come close and have crushing defeats between now and then, don't just say we'll be shitty the whole time. Terrible job.

What's an internet rally?

These things and more can be found at the above link, written by a person who most likely is typing on a feces-covered computer. Again, I'd just like to say how happy it makes me to live in a world where Yankee fans can only make fun of the Red Sox through a fantasy world they've invented where the Red Sox don't win and the Yankees always do. They had their chance to make fun of us for all those years, and they took advantage of that time, as we know. But I just don't see why they can't admit that it's all over. The fake curse has been broken. It just proves my point that arrogant Yankee fans weren't arrogant because of the 86-year drought, they were just arrogant anyway.

Okay, immediately commenting on my own post here. I'd just like to give some advice to a Yankee fan who might come across this piece. I want to hear what you have to say. If you think I'm wrong--if you've got some kind of proof that the Red Sox won't win for the next 86 years--please provide it. Let's just talk it out here. I know some of you are smart, and I think we can talk about this without the usual insults toward my mom and spelling "you're" Y-O-U-R.

Also, terrible job by Chass acting like no one's heard of Hansack or remembers that game considering highlights from it start playing at the Red Sox' website immediately for much of the time since October.