News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

Lets get this out the way first. The good people of Holsworthy all love the Co-Op. It’s convenient, friendly and smells like roses and wine. If you want a quick and cheap meal for the family they have your back, or if you want something more upmarket like a pack of Malboro and a bottle of fancy procescco they have you covered in that department too.

However, after craving a latte (milky coffee) the other night and realising that all other establishments that serve the hot beverage were shut, I decided to venture over to Co-Op to try their latest installation. A costa coffee dispenser.

Lets just say that after purchasing the drink and tasting it I realised that I had dropped a bollock on this one. I had made a severe schoolboy error ! The coffee reminded me of a rim-job gone wrong. It tasted how I imagine an old persons foot wrapped in 2 year old bacon and set on fire, would taste like. My throat actually asked for a divorce from my body, it was that bad.

Now being a tight f**ker and not wanting to waste my money I thought it prudent to wait a few minutes and then try another sip, just incase my taste buds were playing a cruel joke on me. Nope, it still tasted like roadkill, marinated in sweat and mixed with the apocalypse. It reminded me that you shouldn’t live every day as if it’s your last, because you wouldn’t want the taste of this arse infused water to be one of your last memories.

Now I don’t have the palate of Jamie Oliver and this is just my opinion, but I would like to think I know death when I taste it. So I am giving it 1/10 ( the 1 point is because the disposable cup fit easily in the bin ).