Monday, May 16, 2005

The Germans... The Germans!!!

"Yes, You Did! You Invaded Poland!"

OK, I couldn't resist tossing in an inappropriate (but extremely funny) Fawlty Towers quote into my little screed against German Nationalists. To get the whole scoop, see the episode titled, by coincidence, 'The Germans'.

Why go nuts over Nazis? 'Cause the poxy Krauts have invaded my email! They apparently needed some lebensraum in my inbox, because the anschluss started this weekend. About 10 times a day for the past zwei days, I get another random piece of email from somewhere, all in German, and all having something to with the regrettable state of affairs in Der Vaterland.

I'm not really sure what these emails say. All the Hochdeutsch I know, I learned from war movies. This does me little good with emails or conversing with actual Germans, mind you, but it does do wonders for scaring the odd Frenchman I run across. Usually, I get to keep whatever they drop as they hightail it in the opposite direction.

I tried running these emails through Sherlock, which has a pretty good translator, but I'm thinking these von Ribbentrop wannabes are using a lot of slang, and the resulting translations are kind of garbled. Here's an example:

To understand that yearning of ethnic German with landsmen in Germany becomes very quite suitably again intercoursing, must registered understand a deep of the moosehead feeling in the national socialistic concept of people relationship in the most logical extreme. To Amerikanischers a intercourse of the different European ethnic groups, that a bigger untenable population of Whites, an ethnic homogeneous partnership do not support the skin diver suit, when basis of that of compactness national is almost inconceivable on an emotional height. Yet without this deeply rooted sense of the member, white Americans of annihilation racial almost more certainly stand within two hundred years vis-à-vis. Fortunately however is to be understood at least possible, national intercourse on an intellectual height, with which big wads of hope that an loving basis can be formed by the men with large melon heads. This social circlejerk and infusing of the educational base in white Americans correct accordingly is for the promoting of a European racial partnership in the United States one of the large goals of the national alliance.

I'm guessing some pinhead signed me up on account of my refusal to embrace their liberal mindset. After all, if you can't convince someone through reasoned argument, then obviously they're a closet Nazi and need to be put on the Hitlerjugend mailing lists.

well, I've signed a few people up for "Stop Bedwetting Now" help manuals back in the day, so this is just karma taking a chunk out of my tailsection. So be it.