This story is absolutely beautiful, unique and definitely mesmerising. It grips you - the suspense you build is brilliant with the repetition at the beginning and the fleeting and subtle smile. This adds more a childlike theme to it, creating an innocent and adventurous atmosphere.

You built the foundations of such an amazing story - it's totally unpredictable and original - which is quite hard to achieve. I love the short sentences - just the way a child thinks in short sharp bursts of thought that really give that realistic child feel to it. I love the cliffhanger all the way through - you constantly have the reader asking questions the whole way through - leaving us half satisfied.

I think you've picked a creative and interesting perspective - from Narcissa as a child. You wrote her very well, making her come across as quite a naive and curious person which is lovely to see in comparison to some other nasty protrayals. I love how at first she is scared - which then develops in to trust - and then in to fear again. You transformed the emotions very smoothly, all the while keeping up the certain reptition. the way you simply phrase 'I was scared' is very effective - it certainly made me scared for her!

Also, I love how the smile (fleeting and subtle) reflects his personality. I don't know if you deliberately did this, but it definitely reminds me of Peter Pan. The characteristics are similar and the nature - I think it's very clever if you did base Peter on Peter Pan.

Overall, a fascinating, unputdownable and throughly enjoyable read - with great character development just through short sentences. The way you repeat things works really well with this piece and it is extremely awesome!

Happy Birthday for the 23rd!!! :D

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you so much for your lovely review and I'm so sorry for my late late late response - honestly, I just like keeping all the lovely reviews because I don't want to let them go wah.

I think this is probably my first "original/crossover" story that I haven't seen around. I wanted to do something a bit different and Narcissa came to me and the timings of it all was really quite helpful in canon.

Here we have a very young, small and timid Narcissa who doesn't know anything about lfie apart from the fact that she's from a well to-do family, she has to be educated and she's going to grow up and she's going to be just like her parents. There is nothing else in sight for her - she cannot comprehend other possibilities even though she may imagine and humour herself with them. It's why, I think, that she definitely feels scared when Peter comes about because he's the sort of person who's not normal - she doesn't know anything about him. Throughout all the exchanges she feels like she knows things but have no gravity to them in reality. She's very much stuck with no way of getting out and nor does she want to either.

I'm so glad you like this and hopefully I'll see you again at some point in the near future!