You are your best benchmark – Love the skin you’re in, not covet someone else’s skin

I often come across tips or clickbait style titles in magazines that profess to tell you “How to get {insert celebrity du jour}’s skin!” with a list of products that said celebrity says she uses. I also sometimes have people ask me how to get skin like mine, which isn’t even great skin to start with. You don’t really want my skin, trust me LOL!

And I’m going to tell you this. It bugs me. It bugs me a whole lot.

My beef with this way of thinking, is this. There is no way that you can get another person’s skin. Not unless you scalp them, in which case the skin is pretty much useless to you anyway (gory yes? 😛 ) I know that’s looking at it literally, but even if you think about it from an abstract point of view, you can’t get your skin to look like anyone else’s skin. If you’re looking for skincare tips, you really shouldn’t be looking to get someone else’s skin, but instead, to use those tips to get a better version of YOUR OWN skin.

I realise that people are really trying to attain what they perceive to be an ideal. Everyone wants smooth, unblemished, poreless, porcelain skin. The skin we are all born in. We are sold that as the ideal skin to strive towards because Photoshop makes it possible.

Yet I’m sure that most of us realise that photos in magazines or on the internet are largely retouched. I don’t deny that there are some people who very honestly put their true faces online, but in the main, there is an element of retouching, lighting, angles; and there is always makeup. Few of us know what {celebrity du jour} looks like in real life, without the trappings of glamour, so we only have a perception of it. Now, if you take photos of yourself (who doesn’t these days?) you’d notice how, with good lighting (and some filters) you can mimic the sort of ideal skin everyone wants.

This is more so when I look online, at all the filtered and retouched photos uploaded to Instagram. I’ve seen some of these people in real life, and let’s be honest. They don’t look half as good as they do online. I met a reader recently, during my meet-ups, and she paid me the biggest compliment ever, by telling me that I looked better (I think she said younger, I’ll take either LOL!) in person than online LOL! Whew! 😀 But there’s the rub – a living person in front of you, is quite different from a picture of a person in a magazine or online.

You see, the simple reason you will never be able to attain X’s skin is due to many factors – genetics, environment, health, age and money are just 5 that come readily to mind. For some people, who are born blessed with beautiful skin, they don’t see why they should be using any products at all – it happens, lucky ducks! 😛 But even if you share the same gene pool, some of us draw the short straw. I have a pigmentation problem, my sister doesn’t. She has a problem with fine lines, I have less of a problem. Genetics can really screw with you. As I age, I’ve realised that my eyebags are more pronounced, dark circles more noticeable and my skin loses it’s glow if I slack off. It’s all fairly natural, and in some ways, unavoidable.

If you have money, regular laser treatments and fillers can solve most visible problems quickly. If you’re eyeing the skin of someone younger, realise that age, experience and environment plays a big part in helping you NOT achieve that same skin.

What I feel we should try to achieve, is a better version of our own skin and ourselves. We should be using ourselves as our benchmark, not someone you see in the glossy pages of a magazine or some online personality or “guru” (I hate that self-declared title and it brings to mind half-naked yogis living as hermits up a mountain 😛 ). I play around and read a lot about skincare and different products people use, but I only pick the ones that I feel may help me with my skin concerns, but never with the impression it will give me the same result as someone else. This is why I always advise all of you reading my blog, to please think about how it fits you, your lifestyle and your routine because I only use a product that I think will work for me. What works for me, may not work for you and vice versa. Treat it as a guide, never as gospel.

I’ll use myself by way of example. I am a skincare junkie but I don’t have great skin. I will be the first person to admit that. You’ve all seen my before/after photos and I know some people even roll their eyes when I say I’m a skincare junkie, because I don’t have porcelain perfect skin. Incidentally, it is because I don’t, that I’m a junkie. Doh! 😛

Genetically, I am not predisposed to have good skin and I went through bad bouts of acne from my late teens, all the way to young adulthood, which have left pitted scars. I have never really thought about getting them removed with lasers because that would cost a lot of money. If I had the spare cash, I might have done it. As I don’t, I’ve accepted it and will live with it.

I have a pigmentation problem (which appears to be partially genetic and partially foolhardiness of youth) and the occasional breakout. I’m lucky to not have a lot of fine lines, or skin that is predisposed to crinkling and wrinkling, nor a problem with large open pores, all of which I attribute to genetics, but I have my fair share of problems. Problems I could cure with money if I wanted to but I’d rather save my money for more important things.

However, I have better skin now, with constant care and attention, than I would have had, had I not bothered about my skin. So, even though I don’t have great skin, I’m happy with how it is, because I’ve improved it, and it belies my age. It might even be better than it was 8 years ago, because I don’t have as many breakouts anymore *touchwood* My skin is generally more refined, I break out far less often and I’m keeping whatever pigmentation problems I’ve developed, under control. Well, somewhat. I don’t have as many lines as I should have for someone my age, but that is attributable to genetics as well as care. But I go through bouts of good skin days, and shitty skin days. We all do, and I’m currently in shitty skin phase. Sigh.

Living in a hot and humid country doesn’t help my cause because heat can cause redness and blotchiness in skin as well as the dreaded sun spots, and humidity makes you sweat and makes your skin oily. Living in a dry climate isn’t wonderful either – your skin dries out to a husk and that means you can develop fine lines more quickly. If my health fluctuates, or my food intake, it reflects itself on my skin.

We all want beautiful skin. But I think we should be looking at ourselves, understand our skin, and accept what we may not be able to change, and work towards making our skin better, and aging gracefully. We should not be looking to someone else and saying “Oh, her skin looks so beautiful, I want her skin. Let me steal all her tips and use all the products she recommends, and go for the treatments and lasers she recommends.” It’s not going to happen.

What say you? Do you feel that way – that you want your skin to look like someone else’s?

I realise it’s only human to want to feel this way. So it takes a conscious effort to ensure that we pull back and keep our expectations realistic. Product recommendations are useful but can only take us so far. Lasers and treatments can give significant improvement, but can only do so much. Genetics, lifestyle, environment and health plays a much larger role in determining how we look. At the end of the day, as long as we are able to improve on what we have, age gracefully and accept that there are some things that we might not be able to improve on easily, I think that’s reasonable. When all else fails, there’s always makeup LOL! 😉 Do you often feel disappointed with your skin and wish you had someone else’s skin?

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About Paris B

Paris B is a 40-something beauty and skincare enthusiast with a practical and very critical view of beauty products and the world of beauty. Her mission on My Women Stuff is to deliver clear, honest reviews and facilitate discussions about beauty trends and life, tempered with a healthy dose of humour. Let the buyer's remorse be ours not yours! When not testing the newest skincare creams and lotions, or playing with makeup, find her testing her culinary skills in the kitchen at Chez PB. Read more about us here or leave a comment below or connect with us on social media at Instagram, Facebook and Twitter!

I’m definitely a skincare junkie with imperfect skin. A close friend once commented that why I used so many products and my skin is still like that a.k.a bad. That coming friend someone who had good skin and hardly breakout.

As I age I start to accept myself and not magnify the so called imperfections.

Today I still have tons of jars and bottles, lotions and potions covering my vanity table because I’m just curious to try and find out for myself if the products are as good as they are taunted to be.

I absolutely hear you Sawpore 🙂 I think those with good skin rarely feel the need to experiment with skincare because they already have good skin! The rest of us have to suck it up and contribute to the beauty industry haha! 😀 But hey, it’s fun and we all have our vices, and I love it when I find something that works well for my skin. It’s like unearthing a treasure pot!

Diet and overall health definitely affect my skin and that is more evident now with age. I’ve noticed that cutting out sugar helps my skin condition tremendously. Also, during periods where I don’t get my normal dose of exercise, my entire body becomes sluggish and lethargic and my skin follows suit.

I get that people want to look nice in photos but the filtering has gone way overboard to the point that they actually look disgustingly perfect. A bit of retouching is alright I suppose. It’s like makeup -apply just enough to enhance what’s natural. Too much simply looks clownish.

I was really annoyed when I found that my mobile phone camera applies the filter to give one “flawless” skin by default. I turn it off manually when I want to take a photo. IMO, the “flawless” skin shots just look like someone worked a rolling pin viciously on the face. It looks so penyet! Give me my natural lumps and bumps face anytime over penyet face man.

Glad you enjoyed it Isabel 😀 I hear you about diet. When I go crazy and over indulge, I don’t only feel like crap, my skin looks like crap! And seriously, filters are the bane of my life. My phone used to apply the beauty face filter too. OMG I’d have to turn it off everytime or I wouldn’t even look like me. You know what pisses me off is seeing these beautifying filters applied liberally on popular social media influencers’ photos. When you meet them, they look nothing like their photos. It’s so weird!

I think it doesn’t help that I watch Korean dramas cos all the actors look like they have FLAWLESS skin! End of last year I was battling acne that kept popping up on the lower half of my face. Just when I thought things were all good….they’ve started to appear again!! Quite annoying leh! Pigmentation is also another concern I have – and I don’t know how to get them under control without using brightening products that tends to dry up my skin. Aiyo…why so complex wan! I tell you….I sometimes feel like just giving up! Sigh!

But you are so right in saying that our pursuit should be to have the best version of our own skin and not somebody else’s. I just can’t help feeling jealous of those who have better skin 😛

Haha you do realise that most Korean stars have had work done to their skin and faces? 😉 So, don’t feel bad. They had to start somewhere! 😉 When using brightening products, which as you’ve noted, can be drying, always up your hydration. So pair it with a hydration serum and lotion and it’ll usually feel much better while doing the job. We all can’t help feeling jealous of someone else who has better skin than we do – but you know what? time heals – so you’ll eventually outgrow your bad skin phase, if you continue taking care of your skin – that much I can promise you coz I’ve been there and done that! 😉 Just a note, if you are battling acne on the lower half of your face (chin, jawline) consider if its hormones or digestive issues. Here’s something I noticed about myself that you could think about!

Haha…You know what? For some reason it didn’t occur to me that Korean stars have had work done to their faces. Okay, now I don’t feel so bad! ?
And thank you for hydration advise and the acne battling tips! There are some sacrifices to be made to have good skin ya? – cos I sure love my dairy products! ?

Haha well, now you know! It’s well documented that they have stuff done to their faces so don’t feel too bad 😀 Oh you definitely have to sacrifice for beauty! Cutting dairy and sugary foods from your diet is one immediate way to clarifying your skin – that’s well documented too. But I know how hard that can be!

I totally understand this post! Thankfully I started skincare because I wanted to take care of my skin and along the journey, I also realised that everyone’s skin is different and just because two person have dry skin does not mean that they love the same products because the products work differently on each individual. 🙂 Thank you for sending out this positive message and I hope to be able to age elegantly and lovely and gain more wisdom along the way too! Thank you for the inspiration!

Hi Rosalind, glad to know that this post resonates well with you 🙂 I do think that these days, with social media and filters and all, we all put more pressure on ourselves to look perfect. I was at a party recently, with lots and lots of famous faces in attendance, and you know what? For many of them, their skin was really quite appalling up close! I was quite surprised, because when they are posted online, you’d never see anything but a perfect canvas. So, I think we should just stop comparing ourselves to what we see on Instagram, and just look in the mirror! 🙂

I knew you have met those online influencers and thanks for telling us that they don’t look exactly like their photos…..such a reality.

I started to take catre of skincare seriously when I was in my late 20s. Noticed fine lines, eye bags and dark rings under my eyes. Woke up realised that youth has breezed by and I should have slacked in maintaining youth.

Incidentally, I was at a party a few days ago, and was up close with many famous faces, most of which were flawed up close. You’d never believe it based on their instagram photos of course! Which tells you simply not to believe everything you see on the internet – makeup and filters do wonders! 😀 I personally started really taking care of my skin only when I started working – it’s a lot harder when you’re a student and trying to save money, and I was never really very vain. Well, before this anyway LOL! 😀