About Me

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

(That's right; a Game of
Thrones reference in a Disney blog. I'm a geek through and
through; accept it and move on.)

I'm sure that you've heard
the same rumors I have, to wit: Epcot's Maelstrom
will be shutting down this fall to either be completely redone as a
new Frozen attraction or (far more likely) to receive a
Frozen overlay.

Fan reaction to this
(admittedly completely unconfirmed but highly likely) rumor has, of
course, been mixed. (Poor Disney; for being arguably the most beloved
brand on the planet, they must feel like somebody is always
complaining.) When I discussed it with my stylist (young mother of
two elementary-school-aged daughters), I swear that I saw tears of
joy in her eyes. On the other hand, Disney fanboys across the
internet have lit their torches and are sharpening their pitchforks.
I'm going to try to take an objective look at both sides (admittedly
not one of my strengths), and then give you my opinion (okay; that
I'm good at).

Frozen fans – they
are aplenty. I mean holy crap, these people are obsessed. And hey, I
write a Disney blog, so I know a little about Disney obsessions. But
I'm probably not the best person to comment on this. I mean, I liked
the movie a lot, but I don't understand the mania that has swept the
nation. I guess I'm fortunate that my daughter is nineteen, not nine.
And while I love Idina Menzel and the collective works of Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez, I certainly
don't get the whole “Let it Go” craze. Of course that's
probably because I'm from Ohio, where it's miserably cold about nine
months out of the year. The phrase “The cold never bothered me
anyway” would pass my lips exactly never.

And let's face it: World
Showcase doesn't currently have a lot to offer small kids. I'll
admit it: when Epcot first opened, I thought it was boring. There
were few rides, no characters, and to be honest, I had been expecting
Magic Kingdom: Part Two. Epcot, in my considered prepubescent
opinion, left a lot to be desired. And even though it's come a long
way, I can see why it wouldn't have the same appeal for someone
without a credit card or a valid ID that it now has for, well, me.

Also, there's the “change is good and new is better” philosophy. Some people have done
Maelstrom repeatedly and are ready for an update. And when you
add to that the “let's not have a repeat of The Little
Mermaid” fear, where it took Disney around twenty years to
get around to making a ride featuring a very popular character –
well, you can see why Disney might not want to let the grass grow
under their feet on this one.

In the other corner we have
the Disney Purists: Epcot is supposed to be educational, characters
(The Three Caballeros aside) don't belong in World
Showcase, it's an insult to the people of Norway to replace the
attraction designed to represent their culture with characters from a
fictional film, and this is an attraction that belongs in Magic
Kingdom's Fantasyland, not in World Showcase.

I think the fanboys have
some valid points, as well. But my objections actually stem for a
different source.

Let's look at Epcot as a
whole. What would you say the two most popular attractions in Future
World are? My money would be on Test Track and
Soarin'. Test Track got an update in 2012, and
Soarin' is rumored to be getting one soon as well. And to what
end, I ask? To make them even more popular? Meanwhile, the
Wonders of Life Pavilion idly languishes for the bulk of the
year, and the Imagination Pavilion is just sad. And now
Maelstrom, arguably the most popular attraction in World
Showcase (certainly the one with the longest lines) and one of only
two rides in WS, is slated for a refurb. My point? Look at the
park as if it were a smile. Instead of replacing the teeth in the
smile that are broken (Imagination) or missing entirely (Wonders of
Life, all of the countries that could/should be in WS), Disney keeps
polishing the teeth in the smile that are already pretty. How does
that make any sense? If Fastpass+ is allegedly redistributing
guests throughout the park with the goal of making wait times more
equitable, couldn't this be done far more efficiently and with a far
better overall guest experience by “plussing” attractions that
really, you know, need it?

(Sigh) Of course, WDW
management has a history of this “polishing the pretty teeth”
practice. After all, how many updates do TheHaunted
Mansion and Pirates of the Caribbean really
need, while their poor little stepbrothers Tom Sawyer Island
and the Tomorrowland Indy Speedway get ignored? But
that's a discussion for another day.