About Me

Life takes us many places. It's a box of chocolates and a Hansel and Gretal trail of candy wrappers. I have filmed as an actor in The Happening, Invincible, The Lovely Bones, The Bounty Hunter, The Greek American, Bazookas, Limitless, TV's Its Always Sunny in Philly, Outlaw, New York, The Warrior, The Nail, Game Change, Cold Case, & commercial work includes The Philadelphia Eagles, Septa, Coors, Turbo Tax & Carnival Cruises. Freudian Slips spotlights irony in short story format.

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DISCLAIMER: Fictitious demographic information including names and places are used where necessary to respect privacy. The stories are true unless otherwise stated. The content is intended to offer only a snapshot of the event described to protect identity and preserve dignity. The opinions expressed are not necessarily the views of the author's employer, Ripley's Believe It or Not, or any other affiliation. Viewer discretion is advised.

November 28, 2004

One Man in his Time Plays Many Parts

All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances:
And one man in his time plays many parts…
-William Shakespeare, As You Like It, Act II

It seems appropriate to quote Shakespeare here. On Sunday, November 28, 2004 I sit down at the kitchen table with a steamy cup of coffee and the morning paper. With Thanksgiving behind us and the holiday shopping season upon us, I break from the habit of tackling the sports page. Instead, I separate the two pounds of colorful advertisements from the black and white newsprint. An Atlantic City Today insert grabs my attention. I flip open the pages, take a caffeinated swig, and what I read causes me to double gulp Folgers. From a feature article on The Ripley’s Believe It or Not Museum in Atlantic City, NJ, my eyes effortlessly lift my name from the page. By my own admission and other patron’s admissions, I am a recent yet permanent fixture in the Ripley’s Believe It or Not Museum, a depository which showcases the unusual and celebrates the unique...for a price. I have no words for the Courier Post writer, who described my exhibit early on in this article, ahead of even Meng, the “Human Unicorn” who sported a thirteen inch horn protruding from his head.

For the rest of the day, I try to come to terms with strange company the likes of which include horny Meng. My self-esteem remains intact because I am rarely caught without a plan. Success summons businessmen. The consensual tradeoff for my likeness to be re-created for the Ripley’s museum is to sell my autobiography in their gift shop. Tit for Tat it is as simple as that. When it is all said and done, I want to be most remembered as a writer not artifact. Whether my unorthodox plan proves to be a successful endeavor remains to be seen. There are few certainties in life, but I wish to note Meng’s autobiography appears nada nowhere in the Ripley's museum. This makes me way ahead of a man who now receives second billing to me. Stop right there. I don't want anyone to think I have a big head like Meng. I am a Neanderthal next to this specimen.

With all pretense aside, the moral of this story is to make lemonade out of lemons. This may be one of life’s greatest yet underachieved lessons. A friend once lampooned my resolve. “If I left Joe in a pile of excrement, he would be sitting on gold bars when I returned the following day.” There is a sprinkle of truth to that exaggerated notion so the rare opportunity to recognize my sarcastic friend for his left-handed compliment has come to pass. Amen.

“For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction” is not only proven physics but practical sense for proof of life. Our reaction far outweighs the immediate action of what happens to us. Human adjustment is necessary for personal growth. None of us should ever accept lemons as straitjacket fate. If God gives me the slightest opening in a land of ruins, I’m driving a plow through the devastation to resurrect anything that can be salvaged.

From the pillaged ruins, I return back to making lemonade. You don’t need to refer to a recipe book to make lemonade. Water, sugar, and lemons are all that constitutes pure lemonade. If we stir these ingredients together ever briefly, mouth-watering lemonade can be enjoyed. Stirring is a key step. Attitude and mindset are crafted ladles, instruments of change. There is no lemonade if we don't stir, just lemons.

I would like to take the art of making lemonade to a higher echelon. Take that freshly squeezed lemonade and place it in the hands of the right people and viola….lemonade shines with limelight. My life changed when I was stung by a bee. Because of a bizarre series of unfortunate events and fortuitous self-promotion, my story has been portrayed on two TV shows and I can now visit myself in a museum, when I dare to. While this associates me more with notoriety then fame, any entrepreneur knows there is no bad press in the limelight. Think of lemonade as the beverage of choice for anyone down on their luck. A tip of a lifetime, I invite anyone to squeeze their lemons and see what they get. Drink up. Just think twice before contacting any museums.

Winners accomplish their goals in life. Winners hurdle obstacles, maybe not at breakneck speed, but they are overcome before reaching the finish line. I cannot see the finish line yet but I envision it. I may never realize my dream but it will not be for a lack of trying. I am not a gifted writer but I am a tireless scribe, equal parts reincarnated monk and starry eyed paperback novelist. Will my barter with a museum lead me to actualizing my goal of becoming a recognized writer? While reading the newspaper today, I wonder about the Shakespearean wisdom of this man playing many parts…