When God Changes Your Plans {An Infertility Update}

Friends, this post has been a long time coming. And I’m going to ask for your grace in advance. Because it makes me knocking-knees nervous to write it. Infertility is such a personal subject for many different reasons besides the obvious. But enough of you have asked and I’ve done enough praying that I just want to give you an update.

Before I start I want to include this disclaimer: If there’s one thing I’ve learned on this journey it’s that everyone’s story is different. What I’m sharing applies to my hubby and I alone.

When Mark and I married in 2000 we thought starting a family would be easy for us. Doesn’t everyone? When we officially began the process to become parents about five years later, we soon realized that wouldn’t be the case for us. Long story short, we went through years of grief, loss, doctor’s appointments and some serious wrestling with God. Out of that process came my first devotional book, Rain on Me {recently released in a new edition as Under God’s Umbrella}.

During that time, over seven people on separate occasions prayed over me that “God would bring new life through my words.” I tucked each of those statements away in my heart, not sure what they meant. God provided many other instances where he used people, even women I didn’t know, to speak into my life that I was not barren. And one day I looked at the Scripture passage about Eve who was called “the mother of all living” and I knew in my heart that every woman is a mama. Yep, every single one of us brings life into the world in some way.

And mine was not going to be through a physical baby.

It took me years to even dare to whisper that to the closest people in my life. Our culture is so focused on physical family that it felt scandalous–and possibly unchristian–even to speak those words out loud. When I began to, the response was usually, “Have you ever thought about adoption?” The answer: Yes, of course we had. We had thought, prayed, wrestled with it. And yet we never felt like God was directing us to adopt a baby. That was also an extremely difficult decision in a generation that is passionate about adoption {and rightly so!}.

From time to time I would ask God again, “Are you sure we’re on the path you want us on?” And inevitably within twenty-four hours someone would send me a note saying, “I’m not sure why I’m sending you this but I think God wants me to tell you you’re already a mother.” Truly. I wrote every single time that happened in my journal.

So I’m here, friends, almost ten years from the time we started this journey. And I want to tell you this: my heart is healed, my life is full, and I’m a word mama to the hearts of thousands of women around the world. I’m truly, deeply blessed.

We could have gone out and found a way to get a baby. We live in a culture where we can make that happen. And it would have done away with a lot of the hard questions we’ve had to answer the last few years. But if we had, it would not have been God’s best for us. I would have been like Sarah and whatever option I chose would have been my Hagar.

So I’m officially announcing that our infertility journey is done. We are in a new season–one of so much life, growth, and joy. One I wouldn’t have chosen but now wouldn’t trade because as David said in the Psalms “better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere.” In other words, I want to stay in the center of God’s will. I trust him to continue filling the mama-longing in my heart {Ps. 84:11}. I trust him to take care of me when I’m old {Is. 46:4}. I trust him to have a plan that is greater than mine {Rom. 8:28}.

p.s. The evening after I wrote this post I had dinner with a younger friend of mine. She handed me an envelope with a sweet note and the beautiful Nurture bracelet above. Another confirmation for my heart. When I looked for the link on Lisa Leonard’s site to the bracelet, I couldn’t find it. After more searching I discovered the reason: It was a limited edition item from this year’s Mother’s Day collection. 🙂

p.s. again…Three months after I wrote this post God brought an extraordinary 21 year old woman named Lovelle into our lives. She’s our adopted daughter and fills our hearts with so much joy. We’re not blood family…but we’re family by the blood of Jesus. He fulfills our desires beyond all we can even imagine.

Comments

One of the hardest places to get to and the best place to be is that heart-changed place. Knowing that God has the BEST for us, even when we keep asking for good. it’s hard to let go of dreams and desires (and a bit of peer pressure) and be not only content, but happy and blessed in the place God has for each of us. Thanks for sharing your healing and your peace!

Thank You for being amazing, inspiring, loving, insightful…and a reminder that being obedient to God’s will is not always easy or what we personally have in mind…or even on our timing radar. You are continually a blessing to those around you and are forever fruitful. Your writings have opened my heart over the past few years and have truly changed my life. You are my Momma sparrow…feeding me, nurturing me, and giving me the strength and courage to step out on my own after giving me the tools that I need. Love You Always! <3

I couldn’t have said it better, Melissa, “One of the hardest places to get to and the best place to be is that heart-changed place. Knowing that God has the BEST for us…” rings true for all of us. Thank you, Melissa for sharing your insightful words and thank you, Holley for always being a true inspiration to all of us!
Much love to all of you.

It is hard to feel Gods blessing. Rheumatoid arthritis at age 17, father and brother died three years apart, painful menses (discovered endometriosis at age 26) no other reason for infertility, knees replaced at age 40, &45. caring for elderly relatives in my fifties. How do I see God has something better for me?

Holley, just wanted to leave a little note of support. It is hard to come out and say when one particular journey, especially one so close to the heart, is done. You are indeed a nurturer – what a gift! – and I know God’s grace will be with you each step of the way as you follow Him. Your heart will continue to be filled in ways you cannot even imagine – I believe that. Blessings….and rest.

You have reached a place of peace. That is better than any other to end the journey. We never know what God has in store for us but He does want the peace and trust that you are expressing. You are a blessing to so many with your calm and strong faith. Knowing that God wants the very best for us can only leave you with great expectations for the future.

This, right here, is profound worship. Deep. Gutteral. And the beauty is in the hard fought journey to getting to this place of surrender. It isn’t the surrender so much as the process of learning about Him and knowing Him, deeply, and becoming so filled with enough-ness from Him that living by faith becomes a way of life. It isn’t perfect. It’s often messy. But it’s in that wrestling and going to Him again and again, fighting our humanness and slinking back into His Hands, where we know Peace more fully with each moment — indeed a life journey. Rich blessings of deep, abiding rest, sweet heart.

Holley, such a beautiful testimony of how God fills all holes so that we overflow with His glory. You are such a blessing to so many and an example of what God can do if we let Him. Thank you for sharing with us!

From one of yours, one of your wild ones (glad you have calm and collected ones too), I look back to words we shared on mother’s day this year and look forward to a 1st birthday party for your God-sized Dreams book and my heart rejoices. Not for the pain along the way, but for the way you have been held. For the years before I knew you, for these days when I am one of your ripple effects, and for the years of journey ahead. In your corner for life. And today, standing with you in your place of healing. Blessings to you and Mark. (Holla!)

You are a mama of dreams, a sister in faith and a friend in joy to me. I am familiar with life looking nothing like what we thought, but to trust His plan…that is Hebrews 11:8 faith. Beautiful update. Hugging you from Florida today, friend.

Oh my goodness. You are such a beautiful person – Thank God for you. I am so so happy for you:)! Oh I am crying tears of joy for you. Thank you for the update:)! And your post applies to so many things other than being a mama you know? Being in the center of God’s will is what matters most – I couldn’t agree more! I was just having this conversation with my girl friend the other day. Oh may our hearts always long do be in God’s will above everything else! In this we will no doubt find joy! Amen. God bless you:)

Holley, I love you! I sat reading today and thought how blessed are my husband and I that we have had 2 children (now 22 & 19). I also think about my brother and his wife who could not have a baby, but God opened the adoption doors WIDE 6 years ago and they were able to make it to the hospital for the delivery of their daughter and take her home with them to begin this new life journey! I think about my cousin who longs for a married relationship, a family of her own, but it seems that door is shut and locked! I think about my son and his new bride who will be finding out today if they are having a boy or a girl. They are excited, but scared of the unknowns ahead. My heart wells up within me and the tears flow knowing that child or no child, husband/wife, family or not, we all have been blessed and we all have something to give this world. His name is JESUS! And yes, He will light up those dark places, those hopeless places with His light, life and love. He doesn’t really need us to do that, but I sure am glad he chooses to let me be a part of it daily! Thank you Holley! And I have no clue how old you are (don’t need to know), but you have nurtured the heart of this 43 year old time and time again! GOD IS FAITHFUL!

she says it so well. holly my god dreams is never to loose you. your words are like angels telling me what to do. I struggle whole heartedly with everything. kids hugrey can not read on. but my life journey brought me to change and menopause , to name one of the many struggles and what it brings to be a woman. I do not know if I am making since. I just pray you never go silent for that would be a loss I could not bare.
need to go the kids need me. but I thank god for you for we need you 🙂 hugs! high five!

Holley – I have always felt your words nurtured like a mama! They have nurtured me every single time I have read your posts. Your words have been so simple yet profound and left me always warmed and comforted. I am actually older than you but your words have nurtured a place in me that my own mom had never been able to do!! I have thanked God for the blessing of your ministry to many times. I just know that you are hearing Him correctly and that God has a very special plan for you and Mark which is already gloriously unfolding!! Thank you for hearing Him even in the midst of a painful road. You are being Jesus in surrendering all to Him!

I am so impressed with your perspective and so proud of you, Holley. I’ve been rdg your blog for some time — long before I was blogging ) and never com…time constraints, etc…I’ve learned much from your words, benefited much from your infusion of scripture into the everyday and from your take on life in general.
Thank you for sharing with such honesty.
God bless.

Thanks Holley! Of all the posts that I’ve read, this one has blessed me the most! When anyone shares their most personal stories, there is a blessing in it that only God himself can give! I’m sure you’ve experienced it before and will continue to experience the blessings of God! Thank you again! Nothing is over until GOD says it’s over!!!! I needed that!!!!

Thank you so much for sharing your heart and this journey God has brought you on. I am so grateful to him for your obedience in following His leading and rejoice with you that it has brought you peace and joy. You are a gift and I for one am grateful that God has blessed you with the gift of bringing life to so many through your words. You are loved, sister!

It takes a lot of praying and believing to come to the place you are today. It also takes a very strong person who is secure in her faith. I can only imagine the pain and disappointment you & your husband have endured. Being parents is a natural step as a married couple. However, you spread your joy through your daily posts, which I enjoy. Know that to me, your words matter 🙂

As the mother of one adopted child, my heart is touched by your story. To be content in God’s plan for your life is a difficult place to be in today’s culture. You are courageous and I thank God for your willingness to share. People are not always kind, but to quote Ann Voskamp, “God is always good, and I am always loved”. God Bless you and your husband.

Oh Holley! I am a gratefully blessed recipient of your Mama’s heart ~ your words. Thank you for sharing in such an honest and vulnerable way that you and your husband are joyous in middle of God’s perfect will for you both. I pray showers of blessings on you and your words of life!

Reading your words, I thought about how Paul refers to Timothy in 1 Timothy 1:2. Paul calls him “my dear son” or “my true son.” Paul was not a biological father to Timothy, but a spiritual father, through the power of Jesus Christ. You are a spiritual mama to many through our Lord. (And a sister as well.)

Thanks for sharing with us Holly. Indeed you have passed on so many nuggets and comforted so many hearts through your posts. You have truely blessed and encouraged me with your openness and given me the strength to agree with what God thinks is best for me.

Infertility…yes, I know that one. and adoption. and birth. and rejection. Through all of it, the lessons of how much God loves me (when I stop and listen) refreshes my parched soul and brings unlimited joy! Surrender. it’s all in His hands and I am in His hands. Surrender and peace. And nurturing? word-mamma …you ROCK! you bless my soul with your unconditional love. Thank you.

Dear Holley- Thank you for your heart felt words of peace and grace. Will pray as you settle into this new motherhood. Thanking God each day for all the ways He allows us to nurture and grow as women. We are designed to bring life and nurture in whatever form it takes. Thank you for your nurturing words…

Thank you for sharing.Words are so powerful and the way that you write and bring forth the words that the Lord gives your heart it is like a mother speaking softly, and soothingly to her baby.I recently started reading your entries and I so blessed to see what you and others share.Sometimes our loving Father allows things to happen in our lives, and we wonder why but He works out a greater purpose in us.I desire to write one day also to be an encouragement to others because I know that God is faithful.I have had several miscarriages and the Lord blessed my husband and I with a second son at age 45 years old.I thought everything was peaches until he filed for divorce after 15 years of Christian marriage.So I am grateful for the love and devotion that you put into the blog here and the mother and encourager that you are to so many.God is faithful, and continue to thrive and flourish where the Lord planted you.Call me up when you get to South Florida I will serve you coffee while I have my tea(smile).

Holley,
I would say welcome to motherhood but you’ve always been here.:-)I will say its nice to see you again! I too had infertility issues and 2 yrs ago we called it quits because it was emotionally debilitating and stressful on our marriage.
However I also realize, just this year, that I LOVE to encourage people. It’s so “fruitful” is so many ways. The Lord has blessed us with this gift! Lol it takes pain away and comforts many. I email my friend here in Bermuda (and some state side)on a daily basis. ‘Cause Don’t we all need some encouragement every now and then?.. Yes .. Yes we do.
Keep doing what your doing, lovely! God’s got it !
God bless u as you continue to bless other just by being AMAZING YOU!
I’ll end this segment how I end all my emails:

Holley,
Amen. God has indeed “brought new life through your words”. I’m so very grateful for you.

“A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts”. ~Washington Irving

Holley,
I know all women yearn for a child of their own. You imagine nurturing a precious infant and all the blessings that will bring. I did, too. We chose to adopt. I love my daughter with all my heart. She is now in prison. I’m saying that to say God may be saving you from heartache you never imagined. Also, having a child might have been a distraction from your purpose on earth. (Eph, 2:10) You are growing us all daily.

Holley, I so needed to read this. I am 45 years old, and I just got married for the first time (and only time!!) 2 1/2 years ago. I am so blessed to be a stepmom to my husband’s 16 year old son. I have had endometriosis and have not given birth to my own physical children – not really in the cards for me. But my hubby and stepson have told me what a great stepmom I am. Between their reassurance (and God’s of course! :->) and your post, I am feeling so much better and so restored. I am a mom, a special kind of mom, in my house. But I also now feel that God is using my writing and my life itself to be a “mom” in my community – girls, young ladies, empty nesters, and the like.

Thank you for telling your story, Holley. Reading it has meant more to me than I can express in words. God Bless!! Here’s to our God-Sized Dreams!!

Holley ~ I am so proud of you, in so many way and on so many levels! I know this hard to be a hard post and the decision/acceptance process hard as well. While I have an earthly mom, sometimes she was not present. Through the years God has blessed me with several “Moms” who stepped up to the plate and watched over me. One in particular I call my “Spiritual Mom”, she and her husband never had a child of their own. But I have witnessed time and time again, them opening their home, sometimes long term, to kids and young adults. She is so special, during the hardest time of my life, some mornings I would just go over and crawl into her bed and let her talk to me and pray over me. It was the best! Though I have never met you, I see you having a Mom ministry like this. You keep on honey, I think the number of your children will knock your socks off one day, and the relationships and memories you make will have you smiling and rejoicing the rest of your days!

Holley, Your words touched my heart and I’m here to tell you, you are a wonderful Word Mama and you have inspired my heart many mornings after reading your words! I was blessed to be a mother of 2 daughters, but I have one daughter that has chosen a different life style and it breaks this mother’s heart. I believe when I was praying God gave me Proverbs 2:6 and I stand on that. I don’t know if I will see it pass in my lifetime, but I’m believing it will come to pass. I have another daughter who has been married a couple of years and informed me a month back that she and her husband do not plan to “ever” have kids. That broke this mother’s heart also. It is her choice and not mine to make and in the midst of this nearly every friend I have but one has grandchildren. I’m always being asked when am I going to have one and I reply when the Lord thinks it is right and if it is in his plan. I am happy and thrilled for my friends that have these beautiful grandchildren, and they tell me its the best kind of love to be a grandmother and I believe them, yet it probably is not in my future. My daughter is 32 and she is pretty adamant about not having any. So, I’m learning through this trial that the joy of the Lord is my strength and His plan is always the best plan! I don’t know what you have gone through but my heart goes out to you and I am so thankful that you have found a place of peace. I’m hoping to come to that place soon. I’m quite a lot older than you, but your Words minister to “all” ages and that is just awesome! Be blessed Holley and thank you for sharing something so close to your heart with all of us.

Thanks for sharing your journey Holley. Having lost my own mother in my mid-twenties, I welcome any and all women who mother me. I have a 24-year old son who doesn’t have time to spend with us even though we brought him up in the church and with good values. So, I’ve been dealing with the empty nest syndrone and feeling all my mothering efforts were in vain. I often wonder had we adopted (instead or in addition) if things would have been better but like you Holley I have to reach a place that I trust God’s plan for my life. It hurts to see other families who are close and my heart aches for that. So, I try and use my mothering skills with everyone I come in contact with who needs it regardless of their age. Blessings, Nancy

You are such a breath of fragrant air! Your words are precious because they are spoken through so much of what you have shared and experienced over these years you mentioned. You are right to affirm yourself as a mother to many and you will continue to be to many more. You are extremely gifted the way you speak into the hearts of those who know you and read your writings. I love your style because it’s so transparent, straight forward, and just plain speaks to me in ways like none other. Thank you for the gift of yourself to all of us. May God continue to grow you in His heart and word. You are a precious mother , highly honored and we all rise to call you blessed!! xo

Bless your heart Holley! I have not faced that in my life, but other areas when I wondered if I was on the right path. You are an encouragement to me today as I walk on a path that doesn’t seem clear. The “land in between” as I have heard it described. Being called “mom” or “dad” is earned. It isn’t just because you gave birth; same goes for “grandma” or “grandpa”. My kids currently call a good friend of mine “grandma” as they have never met my mother (she passed away before they were born).
Thanks again for your willingness to share with us.

Oh, Holly. I have tears right now. I’m moved and overjoyed at what the Holy Spirit is doing in your life, and the lives of women all over the world who call Him Savior & Lord! We are so blessed by Papa God to be called His ‘Daughters’, and His plans for us are GREAT. Rejoicing with you in your personal victory. ((((Hugs)))))!!!

My heart goes out to you Holley! I have walked the same journey and am now 52. It was such a relief to get off the infertility roller coaster initially. It was so stressful and consuming. But surrendering the dream is oh so hard. There will always be reminders of no children and it is a very lonely journey on that note. But now I am a neonatal nurse and pour my love and nurturing into other people’s babies just like you are the “Word Mama”. It is not the life I chose but the life I’ve been given. I am content and God is all! Those heart lessons can be learned no other way. Thanks for sharing this personal subject. It is a blessing to those of us who are or have been on that journey.

I didn’t expect to cry while sitting at my desk today. Work can wait while I have a Jesus moment–since I work at a ministry, I hope it’s OK.

God’s writing and speaking through you captivates me.

My husband and I have been married 15 years. Although we have never had our own children, his son came to live with us as a teenager. He grew up quickly and went off to college this week. Empty nest again, but our lives are full and we are happy.

I have been gardening for several years and I get much joy in spending time with my plants. I even name some of them. I guess they are my children, as you are the “word mama” to your followers.

Holley,
I love this post! It is soooo sooo good! I have a beautiful 4 yr old little prince!!! He lights up my life in every way!!!! But, since then we have had 3 miscarriages. I have tried doing everything in my power to make this work… I have done everything the doctors told me to do… yet, still no success. I recently just realized that this is not my job. And that has freed me from so much guilt! In a world where we can make what we want happen, and go after our dreams… we still cannot force something that only God can do. I need Him. I need Him to heal my heart from all the loss… and I need Him to keep me from going over the deep end some days. And I need HIM to create life in me in His own perfect time. I do have faith it will happen. But, I’m no longer making it my job.
BTW, I saw you when you came to LIFE CHURCH in St. Louis for our women’s conference… You have been such an inspiration to me!

Holley,
You made me cry! Your writing is always such a blessing, and I can literally feel how your heart is full and overflowing with joy. As someone who is personally encouraged (often!) by your words, I found myself nodding as I read this post… you ARE a mama to MANY through your words. Anyway, just so happy for you for where you are at. So amazed at (and blessed by) how God is using you! xo

Your post made me smile big! I was in one of your workshops at SheSpeaks and I loved that this post carried over from there – sharing how your heart is at peace and you know that you are mothering others, just maybe a bit differently than the “typical: definition. You are an inspiration to so many and have such a generous heart! Thank you for sharing!

Blessings Dear Holley, Thank you for sharing your heart’s journey. I know God has blessed many an individual through your writing. He has given you the insight and power to comfort many who are hurting. He will continue to bless you in many ways and through an ever expanding following. Again Thank you for your words of love and comfort. GOD BLESS…

Holley, God has made you a great word-mamma! I soak your words up, print them out, hang them all over my house and office, and you heal me in the things that I wrestle with each day. I am 47, have a natural mamma who is a great encourager, but I still need you as my word and life mamma. Thank you so much for spilling out your heart…heart-to-heart is right-from your heart to mine. My favorite verse is Matthew 6:33 and you are living that out as you have found peace and joy in God’s righteousness and kingdom and felt His provisions for this season of your life as God has designed it. Much Love!!

Wow…your strength is amazing. So blessed that my friend shared this with me.

Although I haven’t struggled with infertility, there are many dreams in my life that I felt I should “birth” and for some reason they never took root. it is a challenge to get to the place to where you can truly say “your will God…not mine.”

Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I love how you live each moment, each word, each breath for Him! You inspire and nurture so many of us, and I’m so happy to call you friend… even if just on twitter, and even if you barely know me 🙂 Love to you today and always, Holley!

Holley,
Thank you for being so brave to share your story with us. Everyone is right.. You are a momma to so many who look to you for advice. You are beautiful and living out God’s will. Thank you for that! You now have peace and are stronger having walked this journey.

I cried through every word because your story is a mirror image of my own. Thank you for writing because it is another confirmation for my own life. God bless you. I’d love for you to read my about me on my blog. (Link below)

Thank you for sharing. I went through a similar journey of infertility and was devastated when I learned that I would not have “physical children.” After all, I love munchkins and always knew that I would be a mother. Like you, however, I have learned over the years that my ministry of preaching, pastoring, and teaching is the way that I give life. “For truly I know the plans I have for you…” Your word today is confirmation that I am on the journey that God has for me. And it comes at a time when many, including my mother, are trying to convince me that adoption would be a good idea for me. The truth is I am at peace with my life; I love what God has empowered and enable me to do for others. So, thank you for sharing your “infertility” story!

Holley – your words have reached into the deeper parts of my life, bringing Truth and Hope in ways I wasn’t hearing anywhere else. His life in you renewed His life in me – extravagant for both of us, yes? I picture us face to face over steaming mugs someday … on this side or the Far Shore … we’ll have so much to share. Thanks for following Jesus well!

Thank you so much for sharing such a personal story. You are truly an inspiring and nurturing “mother”! I always enjoy your blog posts, but this one in particular spoke even more to my heart; I’ve often wondered about God’s plan for my life surrounding the same issues. Reading this allowed me to reflect and ponder in a much more peaceful sense rather than the usual more anxious-of-the-unknowing way.

I am not sure my words can adequately express my gratitude to you for your writing! You are right, you are mama to many of us with our God-sized dreams that we find intimidating. Thank you so much for your words of inspiration and encouragement every day! I appreciate your willingness to share your disappointments and change of plans in submission to God as well as your successes. I love your work and hope and pray you will never stop!

My heart and soul send you a HUGE thank you for sharing your story. I do recognize that everyone has a different infertility story, but I can’t help saying our stories are VERY similar. My husband and I are in our mid-40’s and we are at peace with our decisions. I’m not a word mama, I’m a 20 something girl mama. The Lord has been so GOOD to me by bringing the most precious 20 something women into my life!

Thank you! Thaml you! Thank you! It takes courage to share this! Finding contentment on the inside with something so difficult is only a God thing! No one can understand it unless they have lived it. Thank you for helping me a little more in my heart healing with as well! God is so good to
bring people across our paths! Bless you!

Holley,
There is so much wisdom and joy in this post. Arriving at your place, where ever that might be is a rare and remarkable blessing. Society tells us what we must do and achieve to be whole, and while those messages are potent, we should be heeding the Call of The One. You are perfectly made, purposefully called, and beautiful.
Sweet sister, wise woman, I salute you.
in love,
one of many whose dreams you midwifed

Dear Holley,
I cried all the way through your post. Yes, Holley, you are a mama…because you are a nurturer. You have nurtured my dreams, my self esteem, and accepted me where I am, just as Jesus does. I love the way you always say, “if we were having coffee….” Some of the most special and heartwarming times in my life is when I have sat down with someone,had coffee, and shared thoughts, concerns and dreams. Although I haven’t struggled with infertility, close family members have. I applaud you for accepting the fact that God didn’t lead you on the path to adoption; and the courage to follow His leading and not what the world says. As always, His word is the first, last, and only. Thank you for baring your soul, Holley. It touched mine deeply.

Thank you for writing this! Your statement, “every woman is a mama,” echoes my own thoughts, and I know that I also mother in many non-traditional ways: through cooking, teaching, sending encouraging notes to friends in need, and giving motherly advice to my younger friends who are starting out in life. It is good to know I’m not alone in this 🙂

It’s a beautiful thing to surrender to God’s peace. Like others have said, you are an inspiration. I too have been through this journey. It will probably be the first question I ask God when I get to heaven. Why infertility? When we gave up the quest, doors opened for us to adoption and then later two biological kids. All in all 12 years of searching.

But being in God’s will? More so, being content in God’s will, that my friend is a beautiful thing! blessings to you.

Dear Sweet Holly
I have to admit, that I am the kind of person who picks up a book, and reads the last chapter first because the suspense is killing me! I did this with your post too, looking for you to say “Guess what, I’m pregnant”. I have to say I was disappointed but then read your post with an open heart and know that you are right: Everyone’s life is a story, their love, their hearts desire fufilled. You have TRUSTED The KING in ways that I have not. Your words inspire me, and bring me the nuturing that I also need from the Lord. As I write these words, my Bethany calls me on the phone, “mom come pick me up”. Love those words! You are blessed Holley, and I AM BLESSED to know YOU by name!

You are a beautiful “mamma” inside and out. And I’m blessed to have stumbled upon the INcourage website and your dream team. You have found a place of peace, and that is worth more than any treasure in this world. Many blessings to you, friend!

Holly, I just finished reading your latest post concerning your journey of infertility, and it was as if I was reading my own story. I suffered with the pain and heartbreak of infertility for many many years and finally in 1990 I was divorced and feeling all alone when God allowed me to adopt a beautiful baby girl at 4 days old. I was so blessed and for the next 18 years I nurtured and loved this child, but in 2013 my husband robbed me of this blessing by shooting me and killing my beautiful daughter, but God has continued to bless me with that nurturing spirit through being able to mentor a countless number of young teens and younger women. It takes a lot of courage to let go of a dream but sometimes we have to trust that God is all knowing and he knows what is best for us. Thank you for you heartwarming and insightful post. May God continue to bless you as you nurture through the word.

I love it when God gives us those gentle words (or in this case) a gift from a friend that confirm that God is with us the whole time. Your journey, His plan for you–it’s all coming into plain sight and He is making you whole! Thank you for sharing your story, Holley!! I wish I knew you personally! Someday in heaven!

Holley, your words tuck deep into my heart now, making me run to Him, want more of Him. . .Oh, your faith, girl! It leaves me breathless. You are glorious. And beautiful. And powerful. Thank you. You give and we see Him. Bless you.

Your words and your heart are always inspiring to me, but this time I’m just in awe of how God has brought you to this place. The specifics in my life are different, but I think many of us have some struggle that goes on for what seems like forever, then God opens our eyes to how He’s using it all for good in our lives and in the lives of others. May we each rest and rejoice in that.

Oh, I love nothing more than to see God’s word alive and active in someone’s life! And you are so brave and strong to live that out and share with a world who so desperately needs to taste and see that the Lord is good. Thank you thank you!

Thank you for sharing your heart, Holley. I stumbled upon your blog a couple of years ago and ever since then it has brought peace, joy and insight to my heart many times. On a side note, I’ve wrestled myself for a couple of years wondering if I should start a blog but, I feel a little out of my league or thrown out there without knowing exactly where to start or what to do. I feel like there is lots I would like to say and share about my God. I’ll keep praying about it and we shall see!

God bless you as you continue on His journey for you and thank your for being honest, real and transparent in your writing.

When I finished reading this these words popped into my mind: let go and let God – I have two friends whose daughters did not conceive for the first 10 years of their marriages: one had a daughter and bam, 10 mos. later, a 2nd daughter. The other same thing, only had boys. They had both ‘ given up’ 🙂 but God hadn’t!!

It is true you have ‘mothered’many in this blog and may be what God intends for you. Or l like Sara, your time may still come. Let go and let God: the Father of us all will always keep you and Mark close and fill your hearts with love.

Thank you for being real, open and honest and for allowing God to use your life to bless and strengthen others. He is ALWAYS GOOD, isn’t He? May He continue to uphold you with His hand and keep you in the shadow of His wings as you follow the journey He has you on. Much love and blessing to you. 🙂

Wow Holley, I must not have read enough of your posts…because I had no idea that you didn’t have children and were on this ‘journey’. Your story is a story I personally can’t identify with, but I have heard similar stories from more women than I can possibly count. I have great compassion for you and for each woman I encountered. I am hearing total ‘obedience’ from your words…obedience to hear and simply follow Jesus and His plan for your life. I sense you have true peace with the decision you and your husband have made for now. But having known God for many years, He always has something ‘new’ for us, something to bless us, some ‘new journey’ we are to walk. And it’s always GOOD! 🙂
Blessings to you today!
Susan

Praise God, Holley! I am so glad you have reached this point and shared it with us. You are a “word mamma” – nurturing so many with Father God’s words and the words of your own heart. Thank you for sharing yourself with us. May I ask about Mark? Would you mind telling us a little more about him/his journey and what he is doing? God bless you richly!

Hi Holley: Absolutely beautiful inspiration from you today (as always) and I am sure your theme song is “I Have The Joy, Peace and Love of Jesus Down In My Heart.” Yep! You just started singing it didn’t you? Continued blessings and prayers to you and Mark.

Dear sweet Holley, you have certainly nurtured me with your words. Love your genuine vulnerability here, I know that is not easy. Praising God with you. Can’t wait to see how He continues to use you!
Much love your way as sisters in Christ.

Thank you so much for your post today. I am not a Mama in the physical sense either. It was something that I ached for my entire life. I am an old maid retired school teacher and I came to realize that I, too, was a “Mother” for so many students that I taught. God always has an awesome plan for us, we just need to trust in his will for a perfect plan for our lives. With deep, love and respect, dear Sister and Mother. Debbie

Your words touch my heart. As I pondered about posting a comment, the idea popped into my head to think about women of the bible whom we know were not mothers, or if they were, nothing is said. Jephthah’s daughter comes to mind; scripture tells us that before she committed herself as a sacrifice, she went into the mountains to mourn the fact she would never marry–let alone have children. Ultimate obedience–most of us would struggle with that one. Mary and Martha–the sisters who opened their home to Jesus–ministered to their community, but nothing is said as to whether they were married, widowed, or mothers. Their story is about Jesus. And so is yours. Bless you for sharing your journey with us. Yes, you are most definitely a “Word Mama!”

Hi Holley,
My husband and I can fully relate to this message. Infertility…and all that it encompasses. We/I know that one. and rejection (on many levels) and ultimately, when least expected, the adoption of our son and two half-sisters. Through all of it, the lessons of how much God loves us (and we listen) brings unlimited joy as well as challenges uniquely ours! our journey has been full of twists and turns with God to walk us through. Praying you your husband and you as you continue to walk your journey..

I just LOVE your hearts Holley & Mark. You continue to live as a testimony to God’s LOVE, how to follow Him in all that we do and finding the meaning in all that He allows us to experience. I love that and I love you guys. Thank you for blessing us all today with these words today, you Word Mama!

It is an amazing story that is clad with deep act of faith. Thanks for sharing your story. I believe it will console and encourage couples living the same condition. It will also strengthen those of us who feel our dreams get dashed or rather that God is asleep sometimes and so gives us a deaf ear.God is alive; God always wins and gives us what finally is more!

Here is my story: In 1978, after we had moved to Olympia WA, we had planned to continue looking into insurance for me so we could start a family. Then, my husband was having some physical problems, and just like that our ‘baby’ plans were changed. My husband developed cancer which left him unable to have children. I went through a whole lot of heartache, grief and sorrow, received words from others, one lady said she could see me pregnant; and so forth. I even had a vision of a large hand coming down with a baby in it. However, nothing came of any of it, and we made the decision to adopt. We adopted a baby girl and named her ‘Elizabeth’ which means “promise of God, consecrated to God”; and she definitely was a promise as the Lord had said “you will have the desire of your heart”. I always wondered about that vision of the hand with the baby, and we now have 5 grandchildren(one living with us, the others adopted out), and I substitute for a local school district, so that possibly could be the answer to that vision.
So, my heart goes out to you, though I only have experienced what you have in part. Yes, the Lord sometimes uses our natural maternal instinct in amazingly different ways. Take care Holley, God has special plans for you.

Your testimony of healing has impressed me to press in to also be healed. I turn 50 next month and my “infertility” has been singleness. I’m tired of the fight but the pressure from family, and sometimes well meaning friends, often causes me to miss the place of peace GOD has laid up for me. This is a great time to pursue contentment and HIS enough-ness to fill every void, heal every wound and grant GREAT GRACE!! Your transperancy is opening the door of my heart for a move of GOD! Amen and may GOD grant you more than you can imagine. May you continue to hear HIS voice above all others.

Thank you for sharing your story and giving hope to those still struggling. Not hope that in the end OUR dreams will finally come to fruition, but hope that the end of the struggle we feel will be over. That peace will overwhelm us when we’re in the middle of God’s dream for us.
This road of infertility and loss is painful and heartbreaking and yet we have a God who can use us and allow us to be mothers to others without giving birth. That we can leave a legacy in the hearts of others without our DNA being a part of that. We can create and we can nurture, and our value is not in the status of our womb or the amount of children we raise.

God’s timing is perfect. My daughter struggles with infertility and the likelihood of her becoming pregnant are dim. She did not share this with her Dad and I until she had too. We have talked and prayed, and now I pray … for the decisions they make as a couple but also for Gods help in allowing me to heal from this unfair hurt inflicted on my child. So you see your words are timely for me. I’m working on this painful place daily.

Before I read this post today, I could already see this was evident because the joy and purpose you write with is so saturated with what could only be a work of God in your life. Oh, our journeys are hard sometimes, but traveled with God takes us to amazing places.

Holly,
Thanks for sharing. I am 50, and have journeyed nearly the same path. I was in my early 40’s when I realized the Lord had another plan for my life. Although I served full time in ministry (doing volunteer work in church and christian organizations), I felt the sting of the enemies words ‘What have you to show for all of your sacrifice? Looks like a barren life to me’. But, the Lord assured me many times not to judge my service or life before it’s time (1 Cor. 4:1-5). Isa 49:4 was especially encouraging. I’m sure our Lord would have come under suspicion then and today, yet he neither married nor had children. But, Isa. 53 :10 assured him of something better; an eternal bride and many brothers and sisters, justified by his sacrifice. It can be a lonely and misunderstood road to be different. But, we bring glory to Him when we trust and obey. Who knows what victory and beauty await us in eternity when we take the narrow path He leads us on? Thanks for being brave and not folding under pressure. Great example! Keep the faith!!

Thanks for the update! Infertility was the reason I signed up for your emails. There are many good Christian writers but not many understand infertility. I’m so glad you are where you are because it encourages me. I won’t always be in a place of pain and grief. I’m 32. We’ve been married almost four years now. I have multiple chronic illnesses. Still I have a deep desire for children. I’ve learned a lot through this journey but… I think someone else said that that place of utter dependence on God is where we need to be.

Holley,
Thankyou for speaking to my heart. From my eariest childhood all I wanted to be when I grew up was a wife and mother. One day in my long single years ..just about the time of my hysterecomy I was watching a reality show on critically ill and handicapped babies. God spoke to me that day and told me I spared you from this.
Yes it hurt to know I would never be able to give birth to a child , but at the same time , I thanked God cause He was looking out for me . As years passed , Daddy died , then my job working for Billy Graham came to an end after 26 years with BGEA being relocated to NC, I ended up moving home to make peace with my past and to become Mom’s care giver. Two months after Mom’s home going God introduced me to the loveof my life. That was 5 years ago. We met in August online, met face to face for the 1st time and engaged on Oct.16th at the airport in MN and married 12/21 the Sunday before Christmas in the most fun wedding I had ever been too. During my 26years years at BGEA in my after work hours God provided me with amazing blessings. Someday as I get blog friendly my story will be shared. Marrying my Joe , I acquired not only 4 amazing step sons , I also became a grandma to 4 amazing children. Yes God is good, Thanks again Holley !

Holley, I truly love your heart and how God has used you to nurture my walk these last few years. Since I first wrote you, I have also finished my MA LPC degree and have “paid my dues” by working in homebased work and agencies, and facilitating groups for people on probation and parole. Recently I have found that sweet spot to practice where the journey I started 25 years ago (when my own children were affected by sexual abuse) has come full circle. I am now a family advocate/therapist working with non-offending parents of children who have been sexually abused. I did not choose the journey, it was heart-wrenching, but I trusted God through it all. I had no idea that some day I would be helping others navigate and heal from the trauma they are experiencing. You give me inspiration every day and I knew you were dealing with something tough. I missed you. I am so glad you arrived at a place where God has allowed you to go and are sharing your journey with us. The greater the heartache, the greater the blessing I always say. Thank you for inspiring me on my journey. I am praying for you also.

Wow, friends, my heart is overflowing with gratefulness for you right now. Thank you for your support, encouragement, and affirmation. It means so much to have you receive this post and me with open arms and hearts. Love you!!

Well said. Often it’s hard to surrender our hearts to the Lord . . . actually I think it’s always hard to truly surrender to Him, but it’s always worth it. As you so eloquently said, “better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere”. I find your words life-giving, challenging, stirring and encouraging. Bless you as you share your gift of words with us.

Your words shower blessings over human hearts spanning the world!
You nurture, love & support your fellow sisters who are led by God to your pastoring words in His time & season of their lives to be spoken through you by Him!
I share your decade of infertility ours includes the loss of our only daughter at birth. The grief is beyond words.yet Gods love comes through words- Scriptures, devotions, blogs and spoken phrases heart to heart which lead us to the centre of stillness, drinking in the living waters of truth & love and surrounded by support of fellow Christians who God randomly selects to bless our paths. You bless & nurture many paths Holly and we bless your mama heart and

( continued)
… And we bless your mama heart and fountain of phrases that live on to inspire the living waters of our spirits. Thank you beautiful Sister. I celebrate your new destination and look forward to reading the birth of new books, blogs and cards x love Donna x

My Dear Sister, I thank God for your life and for the grace to share a real life experience using the scripture as your guide in dealing with the issue. Thank God the name of Jesus Christ is above all issues and problems. He is able to reverse the irreversible. No doubt so many families will be blessed by this post. I am a male beneficiary of the spiritual meal you regularly serve through your Post. I was deeply touched on reading today’s post and I am led to add that because you have resolved to wait for the Lord, to resolve all issues, His promises in Isaiah 64:4 will surely come to pass in your life in Jesus Name. It is well with your soul.

Thank you for your wonderful words. I prayed for years to be married. To have a Christian husband that I could share the love of the Lord with and to minister to others. I have remained single and I have found in that singleness that I can minister to others – particularly to those who are single later in life.
Isn’t it a wonderful blessing when we know that even through all the heartache, the searching, the fervent praying of what I wanted for my life that our Lord knew the bigger picture and He knew how He wanted me to be. Single, working for Him.

Hi Holley. I’m an infertility survivor, and though my road is different from yours, I so understand this post! I recently had a conversation with someone who has been struggling for years and is a wonderful mentor to many women. Someone recently told her, on mother’s day, that she wouldn’t understand what it means to be a mother. With her permission, I blogged about it because others need to know that there are many women out there who may not be “physical mothers” but they are spiritual mothers. They provide something that many women who are biological mothers cannot.
You are definitely a mother to many. God bless you for sharing your heart. And I’m rejoicing with you that you are healed and whole, resting in His awesome plan for your life!

You are so brave for sharing something so private and painful. I, too, have had a history of infertility. From my experience, God surprised me in a different way. It was not exactly how I thought it was going to be, but instead much better. The process of going through what I had to go through was the worst thing, but needed… Godspeed!

Oh Holley, my life took me on the same journey as yours. It did take me longer than ten years to get to acceptance of infertility. I am an early childhood educator, and have had the blessed opportunity to be a “mom” to many students in my classes. I look back and see God’s hand in a career decision I made years before I discovered we would not have children. You are born to be a blessing; your words are nurturing me daily as I keep moving forward toward a dream God planted in my heart for my future.

Holley, I had no idea about any of this but I do know that you have helped birth the dreams of thousands of women. You have inspired and mentored and poured out in a way only a mother’s heart could know. We are thankful for you and for your obedience to God and faithfulness on this journey. Joy and thanks for you, my friend.

There is so much courage and freedom here. These words will go forth like arrows, piercing hearts and loosing bonds. So much love to you, Holley. Humbly, I say I’m so proud of you and all God is birthing through your beautiful heart and ministry. XO

My husband and I have walked a similar path. We thought once we decided to create a family it would happen right away. Our family have had no problems bearing children. It was not God’s plan for us. We are blessed to be in agreement that God knows best. Yes, the devil spoke lies to us that we were being punished or God cared less for us. We submitted to God, resisted the devil’s lies and have been blessed.
We are godparents to 3 different girls. We have been able to pour into them and support their parents in training them in the Lord. This is our path and we feel honored that this is how the Lord has chosen to use us.
There are women who need to hear how to accept & trust God’s will when their emotions may say opposite.

I too don’t know you, Holley, but your words have blessed my heart many times.
I wanted to thank you for sharing something so private about your infertility.
I too faced the heartache of never being able to have children & like you I went through years of grief, loss, doctor’s appointments and some serious wrestling with God. It took years for the hurt to dwindle, but being a pragmatic person I made a decision to not let my hurt affect others. I only wish you were around all those years ago as your wise words would have been a help & comfort.
Holley your insight-fullness & compassion is a real gift & a blessing to many.
You are an amazing woman of God & I am happy to read that you are finally at rest & that “all is well with your soul”
Thank you for being a vessel God can use and is using.
Abundant blessings
Love Dee xx

Dear Holley,
God bless you…and your husband…for your faithfulness to Him. So beautiful to know you’ve reached a place of peace in this area of your life. Thank you for sharing so that we can rejoice with you.

thank you for Isaiah 46:4. I don’t think I had ever read it before. I’m going to put it on a card to remember it.
I am single and won’t ever have real-life kids, although I have my fur-babies. I have to admit that sometimes it enters my mind about what will happen with me when I’m old with no children to care for me.

Oh, friend.
This is simply beautiful.
I’ve gone many places to speak about infertility and this is always the heart of what I try to tell women. We all have plans and hopes and dreams, and there is going to be loss and heartache in life, but God offers us something more, something better. He redeems what is lost. And the redemption of pain is one of the most glorious things He does.

Dear Gentle Heart:
I am not a “religious” woman. I am a Humanist believing in living a life of compassion, respect for differences, our planet and love. Your story touched my heart.
For any person who is not “normal” and doesn’t live the way others feel they should or (think they would want) to live, they’re considered to be an”other”. In our pronatalistic society, not having children is usually met with sadness from well meaning people. Women facing infertility challenges are to be pitied leaving them barren, and not fulfilling their biological destiny. And, adding religion, the expectation that you should, “Go forth and multiply” can weigh heavily on the hearts of those people.
In 1974, I decided I never wanted to have children. I was called a “godless botch”. I was labeled as “hedonistic, unloving to my husband, uncaring and irresponsible” woman. After being interviewed on “60 Minutes” I lost my job as a passionate teacher! Mike Wallace (whom I never met) ended that show with, “Pardon our perversion for airing this on Mother’s Day” I faced death threats, picket lines when I spoke and the loss of some friends.
When I spoke to infertile couples, I was met with distain. (It’s one thing not to be able to conceive. It’s quite another to choose that.) That is until they heard me speak.
Our lives are our gifts. What works for some may or may not work for others. I chose to teach, inspire and in doing so, touch the lives of the future though teaching. I chose to listen to my own heart and change the name childless to childfree. Not that I’m “FREE ” of children! Many are in my life. However, that simple change can allow for personal choices. It frees people from the stigma of the childless and opens those people to the joys of the childfree lifestyle. WE HAVE MORE TIME TO DEVOTE TO OTHERS!
My book, “Confessions of a Childfree Woman” amazon.com is now available. I applaud your courage, hug you via cyber-space and encourage you to speak-out more on this important topic.
Not everyone will or should become a mother or father. Yet, we can birth things that help each other through our careers, our volunteering where we’re needed or where we are called or simply enjoying this gift of our own life.
My website http://www.childfreereflections.com has a free resource guide for places in need of volunteers for children.
Marcia Drut-Davis

Blessings to you Holly in this blessed time of acceptance, opening your heart to joy again! I have journeyed this same road….the hope, the doubt, the deeper pain than anyone who hasn’t gone through it could ever understand. Your mourning period is over….for now, sweet one. Please understand that I don’t want to discourage you, but know that that deep sense of loss will pop up in so many unexpected places still through out your life……and you will feel alone in a world of people with children. But you will be OK…..and know that there ARE others who silently understand, all over the world. Silently because there are no words. And you will put on a smiling face, and everyone will think you’re so strong….but they’ll have no idea just how strong, as you feel your broken heart once again, and silently sooth it one more time. Embrace the joy, allow the ache, hold God’s hand tightly then, and ask Him to carry you….and He will.

Thank you for sharing. I appreciate your honesty and opening your heart. I am divorced and no children and still wonder if I ever will marry again. It’s be 30 yrs. but I believe in being in the center of God’s Will also. God’s Way is the ONLY way!

Wow, tears running down face reading this one! You are standing on one of the most tender places in my soul… and yet, my journey is quite similar to yours. I am 62 yrs old and once-upon-a-time I believed the passing of time would remove these feelings. Now I KNOW ( as you do ) God doesn’t “remove” He “transforms”. Holley, I used to “dream” of a house full of children ( I wanted 8, 4 boys, 4 girls! ) How crazy was that? And yet, I now believe that is exactly what God is doing… though in some VERY unexpected ways. I found out last yr that the “tumor” the doctors had removed when I became so “ill” at 18, (surgery that resulted in what I originally believed to be a lifetime sentence of barreness) was actually twins… a boy & a girl. I had a very rare medical condition that always results in the babies dying, and usually causes the mothers death as well. I miraculously survived my illness and so my parents believed it was “better” to tell me the tumor story, than to tell me the truth. They were so wrong! I lived with “ghosts” for years without understanding why. I mentally went over and over the “pieces” of my memories of those hospital days trying to make sense out of what I could never make sense of! But here’s where I so relate to your story… last yr I also met a man who had just lost his wife. He has 6 grown children… 3 boys, 3 girls! (I now also know I have 2 in heaven which I will meet some day.) You know Holley, I once thought I would write a book called “DreamMaker” about how we all have dreams God is longing to bring to pass in our lives. (we are kinda on the same track there too, aren’t we?) Anyway, one of the chapters was entitled “My Dream~ God’s Way”. My point was that often, when we think God isn’t going to give us the dream we held so close to our hearts? It is only, that we are looking at it from the back side of the cross stitch as it were. God IS going to give us our dream! But… it will be TRANSFORMED. It will be our dream… HIS WAY! I now believe that I am going to have 8 children… quite a house full with children and grandchildren! My dream… in God’s perfect time… and God’s perfect way! Thanks again for sharing the way you do, heart-to-heart. It is transforming 🙂 !!!

‘Just adding my affirmation to the dozens before mine: your words minister to so many needy hearts, Holley, not just those struggling with infertility. There are many categories of struggle in life, and your wisdom fits them all: accepting the season we find ourselves, praying for guidance to be in the center of God’s will, trusting, and embracing the possibilities.

I do not find my post unsure it if post no time kids need to eat, all I know your words of support and nurture is needed here and I thank god for you! It is hard my journey is not hard for me but simple for others and others have it worse. Menopause and a broken not at peace heart mama sure thanks the lord for putting your words in my way to calm me down and remember I am not alone and my farther loves me. no time to tell you how great your post help me , and if they help me then I know their are many other woman they are helping also. Hope you can understand my rushed post and thank you!!!! I could not bare loosing your post .

Holley,
You are not only a “word Mama”, you are a “grandmother” – whoa! You have not only birthed life giving words, but you have encouraged others, like me, to have the courage to “birth words” and so on through the generations. You have been such an inspiration and encouragement!!
Many blessings to you,
Bev

Dear Holley,
I am so inspired by your writings, and your acceptance of what God has planned for your & your husbands lives. I can feel with you a bit. We to, struggled with infertility, but we were blessed with one daughter. Like you, I never imagined this could happen to us. My sisters all were blessed with several kids each, but that was not the case for us. I so much wanted a second child, and when my younger sister told me she was pregnant with her second, I felt like God had forsaken us. But God gives strength to go on. When we made the decision that we had tried long enough, my doctor looked at me and said, ” It’s O.K.” He had no idea of how comforting that was to me. I pray that you will continue to be able to find peace with your decision. It took a load off mine when we did. Love you Holley. God bless.

Holley,
We both serve the same holy God and He is all powerful. There is so reason that you don’t have any babies and I know it hurts but He will reward you in His time. So glad that you could be so open with a problem that affects a lot of women. The time will arrive when you and your sweet husband will have babies for your self. Just keep your heart open as it was on this blog.
In Christ,
Becky

Holley,
Thank you for choosing to share this with us. My heart is swelling with happiness and thanks that you (and your husband) have found peace, and even joy, at the end of this long journey. You commented to me recently that sometimes God changes the outcome and sometimes He changes us. Your bravery of heart, the courage you have displayed by allowing God to change your dream in order to step out into all He has for you, has given me the hope I prayed for today. You inspire me. God bless you both.

Holley,
Thank you for this post. It spoke to me in a deep way. I really appreciate you being so honest and transparent on this subject. The Lord has filled my life with such blessings but they don’t include children. I teach, mentor and love many and know that He is using me to reach others with His love. But the community and culture I live in has made it difficult to see my life as full and complete. I knew in my heart that I was on His path for my life but seeing others like me helps so much. I never imagined my life would be without children when I was a girl but God is Good all the Time and I am thanking Him for right now for you and your presence in my life. Keeping writing and blessing so many sweet Holley!

I started reading tonight’s note with a lump in my throat and knot in my tummy. It just read like an after-infertility motherhood announcement. And it is! Just with a little different twist. I love how you worded things, I love you my friend! And yes, God has blessed you with so many thousands of hearts to mother. Congratulations on this season! May God bless you for your boldness in embracing His joy, and may God speak His truth about true motherhood to all your readers. <3

Beautiful and brave and anything but barren, dear Holley. Anything. May God continue to birth beauty through you, over and over. And may you be full to overflowing with the wonders that God brings your way because you do not have physical children. My parents had good friends who never had their own children and they were such gifts in my young life. I am sure – I am BEYOND sure – that there are now and will continue to be children (of all ages!!!!) who will blossom into new life because of your words, your kindness, your soul. This is a beautiful, heartfelt gift to all of us to read these words. Thank you.

In my first online class Kelly Rae cautioned us to be transparent, that was my biggest take away. Your ability to be transparent is a point of astounding joy. Because of a YES moment for YOU … I have settle in my heart the marriage equation and YOU know what, I’m already there! Praise Time N Tennessee!

Wow I just wanted to thank you for sharing your most private story, it took a lot of guts, bravery I’m sure for you to write those words out on your blog. What I admire and that compelled me to leave a comment is your obvious conviction to following God and your strength your sureness (wrong word) of your faith in him. I admire you for this, I hope to have that strength of faith and closeness again with our Father. I believe you on your notes and messages through others telling you assuring you to keep going on the same path. God has shown me messages of a different nature throughout my life and it amazes me when they do appear that feeling of interconnected, is astounding to have being under Gods umbrella as you say. All the best

Holley,
I read this post this morning as we were getting ready to celebrate my son’s 23rd Birthday…We had done the 10-year “infertility roller-coaster” years ago to have him…I had him when I was 41…He’s the light of our lives…and our gift from God!

There was a point where we came to the same moment you and your husband came to…we were only going to be able to afford one more round of in-vitro…and my very blunt Mom said to me, “Maybe it’s not God’s will for you to have a child!”
That shocked me…and I stopped in my tracks thinking about it!! Then, I knew I believed that it WAS God’s will for me to have a child!

We had a miscarriage before my son, lost the other two embryos that were transferred with him, and had a miscarriage after him!!
Though I wanted all those babies we lost, I know I’ll see them in Heave! Now I
direct a Drama Team at church, and I’m “Drama Mama” to so many kids, teens, and young adults!! God is so good!!

We each need to ask God the hard questions as you did…and His answers are the BEST for our lives! May God richly bless you always!!

Thanks Holley, For saying it out loud…sometimes we fall into the peer pressure even at church, that we are suppose to married and have kids, family etc. Surely that is God’s Will…. I myself know differently…. I’ve been a christian since a young age, so I thought for sure that I would be married by 24, 2 kids by 30…. not so. I did not get married until I was 39, and the man I believe with all my heart that God brought into my life, as he was nothing I was looking for other than a godly man, had 3 kids and wanted no more. At that age I had made peace with not getting married as well as not having kids. The kids God gave me were 3 step kids. I tried with my step-daughter, but she rather follow her Mom’s ways(not a Christian). So I have vested in my stepson’s life, who is like a son to me. God’s Will is not always cookie cutter. But there is no better place to be than in His Will, no matter what that looks like in our lives.

A word mama you are. And more. I want to say thank you for the honesty of this post and your willingness to listen to the Lord and what He has for you. It’s something that will not go unnoticed.

Also, I don’t think I’ve told you this before, but YOUR WORDS were the driving force behind my own. It was while reading “You’re Already Amazing” that the Lord gave me the idea and outline for my own book. I mean, He vividly spoke to my heart while I was reading your book, and I had to put it down to write down the notes He was giving me! 5 months later, I took the proposal for that book to She Speaks (and met you briefly!), was blessed with an agent and a contract, and that book comes out next summer. It is my heart’s work, and I would never have had the guts to write it had I not been reading the very words you wrote. God is using you to nurture many things, and I most definitely owe you a giant THANK YOU. Praying for you today that you would know just how far your nurturing extends!

Dear Mama Holley,
I am echoing so many of the above responses to your post. You continue to nurture my soul through your surrendered life, as God’s mouthpiece. Thank you for sharing your journey and encouraging so many of us with your words. By God’s power, You are raising new life all around you. Isaiah 43:19
~Blessings Abundant

Thank you for sharing this. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby since we married in June of 2006 and, while everyone has good intentions, I have heard all of the well meaning suggestions, too. I am thankful that God spoke to you to write this and that He has given you peace. Most days I am peaceful about it, as well.

Thanks for this post, the timing is perfect! I’m currently reading “Reclaiming your Heart” By Denise Hildreth Jones and last night I reached the part about how important it is to tell our life stories and how they help others. Your story and your writing has been a huge help to me and hundreds of other women. I am not a mother, not by infertility but by choice and it is so so difficult for me to tell people that. I love children and I always thought I would have had them, however after lots of prayer and reflection my husband and I reached a point where we felt we could serve others more by not being parents. It has been so hard for me and society puts an unbelievable amount of pressure on women to be mothers that it can feel soul crushing. I have prayed and I have cried but I feel deep down that God’s plan for my life is so much bigger than any plans I could have conceived of for myself. I keep Romans 12:4-8 always in my mind because we all have gifts and a God given purpose and it isn’t the same for everyone. Following Him and telling others takes enormous amounts of courage and is something I am struggling with. Thank you for courageously following Him and telling your story with your writing!

Thank you Holley for always encouraging me with your God inspired words. You are an amazing,Godly, nurturing inspiration. You are gently leading me to a closer walk with God, even through all the “stuff” of life.

Infertility is a challenging road, walked it also. We do have a great God who guides us through it all.

Holley, you are truly amazing! The strength and courage it must have taken to write this post… you are absolutely right, you are a word-mama. Your words have ministered to my soul so much that when I am having a bad day, I find myself thinking, “I wonder what Holley has to say today?” and clicking over to your blog. Even if your most recent post has nothing to do with my current struggle, your words always give me hope because I know they come from a woman after God’s heart. I love that your sweet friend gifted you with that “Nurture” bracelet, because that’s exactly what you do!

Hey Mamma! You are so right, your journey is yours alone and there is no other exactly like it. And don’t you just love how God can use it to speak to others? I had a hysterectomy a few weeks ago and I’ve been a little down about it the past few days. The finality of it, the significance of leaving that part of my behind. Thank you for reminding me that my ability to birth and nurture and mother isn’t tied to my physical body. I so needed that! 🙂

Holley,
I am so proud of and pleased for you! It was a brave thing to share this publicly, and I know that it will be a big encouragement to a lot of women. I feel encouraged because I’m not sure if I want or am called to have children, and that’s just not PC in today’s churches – it makes people uncomfortable. I want you to know that you have been a spiritual mother and leader for me – it was a treat to sit at your table at a women’s conference, God’s Heart For You changed the way I see myself (and I’ve given it away to several people whom it is blessing), and You’re Already Amazing was an important step on my current journey of trying to figure out exactly what the Lord wants me to do with my life. You are helping to create and sustain so much spiritual life! Keep it up!!

Thank you for sharing your heart! Your story is my story with the exception of the scripture that God gave you and the one He gave me to face and make these decisions. The scripture He gave me was Isaiah 54: 1-4. The healing that He gave me and the opening of my eyes to all the children in my journey that indeed I am and was a mother to is amazing! Our journeys are all unique and it is trusting His decisions and continuing holding His hand with each step. Thank you for sharing!

Dear Holley,
I am writing all the way from mexico where I get and read your post everyday. Thank you so much for sharing your life story today and letting God use you to comfort others. I agree, there is no better place to be like in the center of God´s perfect will for us. You bless me in more ways than I can possible express. Thanks for letting Jesus shine through you!!!

Dearest friend,
I just wanted you to know that at our last Habitation service at church, they had women stand up who were believing for children. Suddenly, they said if you want to stand in the gap for someone, you can stand, too. Imagine me—a woman who has never been married, suddenly standing on my feet for a baby…for YOU. (And, another friend, but I knew in my heart, I was standing for YOU because as I was standing the guy who was going to lead the prayer made a joke about how hopefully everyone standing was married (he’d forgotten already about standing in the gap, I guess!), but I looked at the lady right next to me, and I told her I was standing for a friend! 😀

God has placed you on my heart for intercession as His Spirit has led. I love that you are surrendered to His will, and You are just now resting in Him to do whatever He desires for you.

You ARE a mama, sister, and God-girl. So precious and valuable. I want you to know that motherhood and parenting seems to be all about LEGACY, and already God has poured in and out of you to bring His legacy in the lives of others, to help heal their boo-boos and grow them up in the Lord. I love you. I don’t know what God’s plans are, but I know when I’m quicked to pray, and I just wanted you to know that when I am, I obey. But, one thing I know myself…God wants our trust and our surrender and rest. We can’t strive to birth His will and purpose. We just live and move and have our being in Him, and He fulfills everything He has planned for us. He is SO FAITHFUL. Love you, friend. Grace and peace to you in our beautiful and FAITHFUL Lord Jesus Christ. ~Christine Dear Father, we surrender Psalm 113:9 to You. Thank You for Your FAITHFULNESS in my friend’s life. Thank You for her marriage, her family, and legacy in the Kingdom. Thank You for all You’ve done, and all You will continue to do. For the sake of YOUR NAME. In Jesus’ Name, amen.

Oh Holley – I wouldn’t doubt that now that you have totally and trully let go and that as you say “it is well with my soul” God will bless you with a “gift”. Although my story is different, those were the exact words I said when my husband and I were trying to have the third child that we so much wanted and were having a hard time accomplishing on our own. I had one miscariage and tried for at least 3 years, with no result. The moment that I resigned myself to just enjoy and accept that I should just be happy with the boy and girl that God had already given me, that same song came to my head and my heart was free. My little gift is 11 years old now and he has been a blessing (although he has given me a few gray hairs along the way) to me and to everyone else around him. God’s miracle may just be around the corner for you too ;0)

sometimes (well really most times) our plans and God’s plans are so very different. I did not plan (once again that was by choice) on becoming a mom and yet at 38 surprise I became pregnant. I wrestled with that change in my life as I was very content and happy with the life my husband and I had. I did not want the responsible or the tiredness or the responsibility (I think that was the theme), of raising a little person. I have had to pray and wrestle with God to change my heart and He has, not there their aren’t days when I miss my easy life of doing whatever I wanted, but one day I was reading a blog on the MOB society and it hit me, this was God’s plan for me. Whatever the reason, He wanted me to mother this little boy and just like you it isn’t what I would have chosen but I want to honor the path God has put me on. Thanks for sharing your heart. I hope this doesn’t come across as poor me I have to be a mom because that isn’t the intent, it is to stand next to you and say yep I understand.

I want to thank you for your story. We all have a story. It is what gives each of us our history. Some women are just natural born moms. God gave you the gift of nurturing and it us your job to figure out how to use the gift. All I ever wanted was to be a mom and I had 3 sons that were my life. The vision I had for myself and what God planned were totally different. After a very long marriage and being a stay at home mom I ended up starting over with pretty much the clothes on my back. I spent years asking why? I worked 2 jobs 7 days a week just to make it It was a long long road and barely tolerable. My most precious thing, my sons, turned their backs on me. No one could believe it. No one. But after years of them hearing that I was stupid, worthless on and on and seeing me get pushed around, they made their choice. I mourned and grieved every day even after marrying a wonderful man and starting a whole new life, There was such a weight on my shoulders. It was crushing me.It was destroying me. Oh, I tried everything and came up empty. Then just when I didn’t think I could stand it for another moment, I trusted GOD and knew it was all in his hands. The weight was gone, the sorrow lifted. I don’t feel I can’t survive anymore. Do I miss my sons? You bet, every single second but I know and trust God and I know he has a plan. So I take joy in watching moms and their children be together and have a new outlook on life. I look at what I have instead of what I do not.

Holley, I read often and never comment…no reason other than I just feel like everything you write is summed up perfectly, so what else is there to say? But after reading this, I just felt compelled to celebrate with you. I’ve been writing recently about the transformation process and how God always has to kill my interpretation of the promise/dream so that I’ll embrace His definition of it; your post is the perfect illustration of that. I love that you are showing us how to rest in His leading instead of fighting it…which is always the hardest for me. I celebrate and rejoice in your embracing of this new journey. Blessings!

Thank you for writing this. It gives me hope that one day I may be full and at peace with a different ending than I had imagined for myself. I am grieving the loss of having children, and right now I feel like a broken down wall. It is encouraging to see you fulfilled. Thanks for being brave.

This: “But if we had, it would not have been God’s best for us. I would have been like Sarah and whatever option I chose would have been my Hagar.” Powerful. I think we all have those choices in our lives. Bravo for seeing yours and inspiration for identifying mine. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you so much for this post and for the Eve’s daughters post. This makes me weep. Though I’m a step-mama and completely content in that, sometimes I question if that really makes me a mama. God confirmed this summer that I am a spiritual mama and as Isaiah 54:2-3 says I can “Enlarge the place of your tent, And let them stretch out the curtains of your dwellings; Do not spare; Lengthen your cords, And strengthen your stakes. For you shall expand to the right and to the left, And your descendants will inherit the nations, And make the desolate cities inhabited.” And again I’m completely content in that. If I never have children of my own but expand the place of my tent to pour out into gals that need pseudo-mama’s I’m content. But sometimes…there’s so much pressure about babies and having your own and “missing the experience” that I begin to question. Sometimes, it feels like if you don’t have children of your “own” then you have no legacy. This speaks to the deep places of my heart. Thanks for sharing!

I never post comments on blogs, but this…Oh. For five years my husband and I lived that struggle with infertility. Then He took our lives in a different direction. May God bless you abundantly for trusting Him to take your life in His direction. You brought tears to my eyes. I have an inkling of how hard it was to write what you did after my own experience with infertility. I can’t make promises, but God can, and I know that in the letting go that you just did, He will amaze you with what He has in store for you. Hugs to you. ~ Cheryl

Thank you so much for sharing your story. My story is very much the same. We struggled through infertility and prayed about adoption and what we should do. God directed us to see that we were already parents and that we had lots of children. All happened to be teenage boys and play football for my husband who is a high school football coach. I may not be a physical mother but I am their spiritual mother and a big part of their life. The Lord gives us all a role to play as a parent and we just have to be open to hear and see what that role is a be brave enough to play it. Blessings to you and your husband!

Your piece brought tears to my eyes, it was really inspiring. It just shows wisdom and insight which is lacking greatly today. Your words brought me to a higher level of trust and dependence on God. I pray he keeps blessing you.

I can tell you that your words in your “You are made for a God-sized dream” book helped me to stay faithful, hopeful and focused during a time of my life in which it was hard to keep going in the midst of trouble and uncertainty. This post now is also a great source of strength and hope, and I can’t thank you enough for this.
I praise the Lord for all the beautiful things He has done in your heart and how He has used you to inspire us. You are a true nurturer.

Precious Holly, it takes an immense amount of courage and trust in Him to reach the point you have and say “we’ll, we’re done with that journey now” – I know as we’re still on that very painful journey having so, so much loss and grief in the process that some days are just debilitating and it’s so hard to breathe. May you find fulfillment and joy you’ve never imagined possible as you trust in Him and His plans and walk to the drum beat He’s laid down for your life and in the process He will be glorified and you will be most satisfied and full. May you soar – I have much admiration for you beautiful Holly

This is the first time I’ve ever read your blog but it definitely touched me! I’m single so infertility isn’t an issue for me….but being single is! God has not called the dream of being a wife “home” so to speak i.e. I still have faith that it will happen at some point, but trough your words, through the words of those who posted replies to your post and through Scriptures I see often, He is telling me that this journey is not mine to control. It is His. Letting go of control is incredibly hard but when we let Him work through us rather than trying to do it all ourselves, we find peace and joy like no other. Thank you, Holley!

Out of death comes resurrection life. This is the hardest part for all who love the Lord and follow Him wholly. To surrender completely to His will, when it is not what we have envisioned for ourselves. I’ve had 2 pregnancy losses, both so wanted, and now, we’ve surrendered completely to the Lord. Dying completely to my desire, our desire and let God be God to bring life out of it, in whatever form He wants to. We have many spiritual children and perhaps, if we had physical children, we would not be able to have the spiritual children. Who knows? However, no matter what, it is well with my soul. Many blessings to you and your husband as you both embark on a new and different journey.

I applaud you for sharing this post. I dealt with infertility for many years. Adoption wasn’t something my hubby and I could agree on. It took many years but I do believe the Lord has healed my heart. I am now working with preschool children every day and I love them. I feel like the Lord has spoken into my heart that He never forgot my desire for children. So now I get a whole classroom of them to love.

Dear Holley, Your words really touched me when I read them this morning… I, too, am not a Mama in the natural sense. I had wrestled with this for years, and when I hit menopause, this was a particularly painful reality to face. What I see is that there are lots of men and women in the body of Christ who need mothering… and I have been privileged to nurture some of them along the way. Thank you for articulating that so well!

I read regularly and I have never commented, but I want to let you know that I appreciate your writing, while I have never read your books, I love your blog and your inspiration. When I return to work God sized Dreams will be one of the first books I purchase. Because I just know God has a greater plan for my life than I have been able to imagine, just from what little He has revealed this year.

Sorry to hear of your struggle, but I am glad that you write your words to encourage others.

Even as I weep, these are tears of profound relief. We have suffered 8 miscarriages and wonder still whether we will ever be parents.

I have however, begun to probe the idea that, maybe I’m not meant to be a physical Mama either. My Christian friends tell me not to ‘bring down lies onto yourself’ but I sense that you know exactly what I feel and why too.

Yet, I can’t make people understand what I mean and why I have a sense that this is the case for us. I still hope for a child but mostly because my husband is so desperate to be a Daddy. I’m in the process of gaining peace over the idea that maybe this is the will of God for us too.

My husband is not a Christian and has the opposing views to do with God. I’m sure you know those well enough.

I have this sense that God is right on time with me reading this tonight.

I read the first few lines of your message way back in August and knew this was one to be put aside until I could read it in it’s entirety as you shared a very tender and personal story with us. Your courage to do so can only have come from our loving Father (Joshua 1:9)
We all face disappointment in this life. Holley, you have set a wonderful example for us; your students, your sisters in Christ, your loving children, to follow God’s Will (Jeremiah 29:11) (Psalm 32:8). You Mother us with your words. You pray for us as if you know each of us personally. You touch our hearts as only a Mother can. Thank you for all this and more!
Gail

I am truly in awe right now. I just found you through Incourage.
And honestly, I am so INCOURAGED at this moment from your words. They gave me chills and brought tears to my eyes and then down my cheeks. I haven’t been this moved by anything in a long time.
My journey has been different, in that God didn’t bring my husband to me until later in life. I’m 40 (newly, 40 Ha!) and it isn’t looking like it’s going to happen.
I relate so much to what you’ve said and just had to tell you that this piece gave me hope, inspiration, and reminded me that He is in control and I want to be where He wants me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Holley,
Thank you so much for this. I’m glad I found your words today. My husband and I are in a similar place, but not sure yet if we’re at the end – just trying to live the now instead of the someday, maybe. We have tried the biological way and also felt called to pursue adoption, but nothing ever came to be after two years of waiting. Most recently we’ve been licensed as foster parents, but have gone several weeks now without a call. In such a place of high-need, it could truly only be God choosing to have us wait, on something. I struggle greatly with finding value and worth as a woman without children. It blesses my heart immeasurably to hear you speak with such joy and confidence in the Lord’s will for your life. I pray we may find that same peace in the near future. Bless you!

Holley….I couldn’t stop the tears as I read your post….I know it’s not quite the same, but I’ve been married only a year and four months and have already had 2 miscarriages. Infertility has become a fear I never thought I would wrestle with, and one that I must keep surrendering to our always-good, all-knowing Father…I also have a friend who has been struggling with infertility for 3 years and is in the long process of doctor appointments and surrendering to God. Your story is an inspiration…it is so full of beautiful truth…so, SO beautiful!! Thank you. Thank you for allowing God to work His best in your heart and life. He has used you to touch many because of it – me included!
Much love from a sister in Jesus,
Em

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Holly,
I just returned from Mass this morning where I had spent most of it crying silently after the homily regarding God’s will for wives and husband to bare children….it happens to me when the reading seem to go that way.
You post:
When God Changes Your Plans {An Infertility Update}
Is exactly what I needed to see before I start prayers today.
Thank you and God Bless you.