12 x 12 Featured Author August 2018 – Jamilah Thompkins-Bigelow

Writing Lyrical: You Have to Feel It

In positive reviews (and in an unfortunate number of rejection letters), I have often received praise for the lyrical quality of my writing. I love writing and reading lyrical texts and yet, I find this style difficult to define. Lyrical picture books defy definition but have a very distinct feel.

You’ll know you’ve written one if:

The language feels good in your mouth and even more wondrous to your ears.

If you have to read the words out loud even when no one else is in the room, you might just be reading a lyrical text. Rhythm and patterns of sound are crucial to creating the pace and tone of a lyrical work. For example, in Bear Snores On, the first scene includes “the cold winds howl/and the night sounds growl” then decidedly shifts to a markedly different tone on the very next page through changes in meter and sound devices: “An itty-bitty mouse, pitter-pat, tip-toe/creep-crawls in the cave from the fluff-cold snow.” Lyrical picture book writers like Karma Wilson play with rhythm, consonance, assonance, and alliteration so that readers savor hearing and saying the words.

Lyrical picture books often contain the rich, unconventional language that is missing from the bland, standard English of most texts. They serve us colloquial phrases and unique sayings that aren’t easily explained but feel delectable on our tongues. Many of the lines in Show Way by Jacqueline Woodson and Hudson Talbot exemplify this linguistic lavishing with Woodson’s repeated lines “Had her a baby girl…loved that baby up so. Yes, she loved that baby up.” This phrasing has a power—a lyricism—that isn’t felt in a more standard phrasing: She had a baby girl and loved that baby so much.

It feels spare.

Many writers think of lyrical language as flowery and overwrought. However, exemplar picture books in this genre are notably spare. Lyrical picture books often use short lines with abrupt line breaks. Simple language and one-syllable words abound. Jane Yolen illustrates this in Owl Moon: “Somewhere behind us/ a train whistle blew/ long and low/ like a sad, sad song.” Similarly, All the World by Liz Garton Scanlon and Marla Frazee sifts major ideas into few words: “Rock, stone, pebble, sand/ Boat, shoulder, arm, hand/ A moat to dig/ A shell to keep/ All the world is wide and deep.” The simplicity of the language creates a slow pace—a hush. We slow down and listen. The complex, deep ideas are so much more striking because of the quietness surrounding them.

It teases your senses.

I often find myself involuntarily reacting to sensory experiences in lyrical books. When I read “my mouth felt furry, for the scarf over it was wet and warm” in Owl Moon, I catch myself poking out my tongue trying to get the fibers off. While reading Deep in the Sahara by Kelly Cunnane and Hoda Hadadi, I hold my arms out and feel the malafa in the story, a type of full-body cloth wrap worn in Mauritania: “And so you take a little step, and then another; up, up—shwai, shwai, little by little, your malafa rippling down your back and your arms and ankles like water.” In my own book, Mommy’s Khimar, I try to engage the senses too with my protagonist saying: “I close my eyes and if I breathe in deeply—really deeply—I smell the coconut oil in Mommy’s hair and the cocoa butter on her skin.” In addition to their heavy use of sound, lyrical picture book writers engage the other senses to create immersive sensory experiences for readers.

You feel a strong emotion when reading it.

Lyrical picture books evoke strong emotions. The best ones even make us feel a sense of awe. Last Stop on Market Street has such an awe-inspiring moment:

“And in the darkness, the rhythm lifted CJ out of the bus, out of the busy city.

He saw sunset colors swirling over crashing waves.

Saw a family of hawks slicing through the sky.

Saw the old woman’s butterflies dancing free in the light of the moon.

CJ’s chest grew full and he was lost in the sound and the sound gave him the feeling of magic.”

I find it helpful to identify scenes like these in books and then to try to recreate similar scenes in my own writing.

It feels like a poem.

With the attention to sound, nonstandard language, spare-ness, sensory experiences, and strong emotion, you might call this genre a form of poetry. In fact, during my picture book writing process, I often write one draft of my story as a poem as I did with Mommy’s Khimar. Writing a poem draft helps me to figure out where to cut text while helping me to create a more lyrical feel.

Jamilah Thompkins-Bigelow’s debut picture book Mommy’s Khimar was published this year to critical praise, including starred reviews from Kirkus and Publishers Weekly. She teaches youth how to write in Philadelphia, PA with Mighty Writers. Through her own writing and work with youth, she hopes to increase representation of people of color in the publishing industry.

This month, Jamilah is offering one lucky 12 x 12 member a critique. Be sure to get your monthly draft written so you can be entered to win!

Thank you, Jamilah, for showing us such vivid examples of lyrical writing. Your post is as lyrical as a picture book, and it made me slow down and listen. I look forward to reading Mommy’s Khimar and teasing my senses.

What a great post for the first of the month. Thank you, Jamilah, for highlighting lyrical picture books and discussing some of their qualities and ways in which to tap into those qualities in our own writing. Loved your examples. You chose many of my favorites. I think lyrical language is something every PB writer aspires to. It’s the ultimate goal, to write something so magical, so unique, showing love of words and fun new ways of using them. Congratulations on your book and thanks again for inspiring me to keep working on writing lyrically!!

These are such helpful examples. I love that you brought up Deep in the Sahara as the Kindergarten teachers in my school us that book for an inquiry unit. When I heard of Mommy’s Khimar a couple of months ago I asked my school to order it so we can read those two together.

Hello Jamilah! What a beautiful book you have written…I am excited to read it! And I love your post on lyrical writing! I took Renee LaTulippe’s Lyrical Language Lab in 2014…and learned so much about poetic writing that helped me, not only with my rhyming stories, but also with the prose I was writing. “It sounds good to your ears”…yes, I agree. And when I host the #50PreciousWords writing challenge every March, the top winner is always the one that I was able to read over and over and over again…and never get tired of hearing it because ‘it felt good to my ears’. Thank you so much for sharing- this post is like a mini lyrical writing workshop!

Hi, Jamilah! I’m excited to read your book now. I love lyrical books, and have always found them so hard to write and get right! I love how you’ve broken down the qualities of lyrical writing into our emotional and sensory reactions to it. Thanks!

I love to read and write lyrical texts too, Jamilah! Thanks for highlighting what’s so great about the style, and your helpful examples to study. I also appreciate your tie-in with poetry, and the good suggestion to try writing a separate draft in that form. Congratulations on your wonderful debut. I look forward to reading more of your books!

Thank you, Jamilah! Your comments and examples have re-inspired me to look at my work again. I often read my stories and feel that something is missing, and I think that something may be lyricism. Thanks again!

thank you, Jamilah. I wasn’t aware that there was a term for this kind of picture book writing but realised by reading your post it is that what I am striving for. One thing is certain, I’m finding clarity and learning a lot during this 12×12 challenge! Thanks again and congratulations on your publication!

Congratulations on your book, Jarmilah. Your explanation of lyrical language is the best description I’ve heard. I loved the way you defined it in five clear terms and provided perfect examples. Thank you!

Jamilah, these examples were perfect for illustrating the concepts you shared as you helped us grasp what a lyrical picture book was and the beautiful language contained inside. Thank you for tackling this so expertly.

You mentioned many of my favorite books here. I love beautiful language and phrasing when I’m reading children’s books aloud. Thank you for your wonderful description of lyrical writing. And congrats on your book. It looks beautiful as well.

Jamilah, your post brought to me a memory of my son stopping me when reading a lyrical story and saying, “No, Mommy, read it the right way!” I tried to explain it to him, that some writing can’t be read in the regular way. Your explanation was well done!

Thank you for this thoughtful post, Jamilah. I love to read lyrical books, and you’ve beautifully highlighted the importance of language in lyrical books, whether the text is spare or lengthy. To paraphrase your words: “it feels good in your mouth and wondrous to your ears.” So true! Now if only I could write one… 🙂

Mommy’s Khimar is such a beautiful book. My daughter loved it, and it helped us have a really positive conversation. Thanks for writing on lyricism! I love the idea of writing a verse draft–what a great way to discover more about your manuscript!

Hi Everyone, I finally had time to read through the comments. Thanks for your kind feedback! I’m so glad many of you found my post helpful. Here’s a prayer that we all find success on our writing journeys. Peace and blessings, Jamilah

Thank you for clarifying lyrical writing in picture books Jamilah and offering your generous critique. I think I may have one or two lyrical story ideas in manuscripts that I understand better how to revise because of your post.

Thank you, Jamilah! I love this tip: “…lyrical picture book writers engage the other senses to create immersive sensory experiences for readers.” It helps me have more of a sense of what sets lyrical writing apart from rhyming.

Thank you for this beautiful post, Jamilah. My favorite picture books, and even novels, are always lyrical in nature. My writing tends to reflect that taste as well. I look forward to reading your book. I’ll be requesting it at our library today.

Thanks so much for this breakdown of lyricism in picture books. Sometimes, we are so immersed in the beauty of a lyrical text that we don’t at first perceive the depth of the qualities that make it so pleasurable. You hit the nail on the head, in your discussion of the components. Delightful diction, careful sentence structure, language that’s highly inspirational to our senses… they’re all things that I look for, the second I read a text and decide “Hey, I like this!” As a person who’s dedicated to PB integrity, it’s important to me to understand why a book is so enjoyable. I get a kick out of breaking down the skillful crafting of a piece. Thanks again so much for your discussion!

Thank you, Jamilah, for this terrific post. You inspired me to think about so many different aspects of lyrical texts! I can’t wait to read MOMMY’S KHIMAR! I absolutely love the lyrical language in BEAR SNORES ON! It swirled through my head uncontrollably for a while when my girls were little.

Thank you, Jamilah. Congratulations on your debut book! One of my favorite things about picture books is the lyrical language. So happy that in these days of sparseness, we are not forgetting this important element.

Thank you for these helpful tips on writing lyrically, Jamilah! I especially appreciated your point that lyrical texts can be spare and don’t have to be overly flowery. This encourages me on my most current WIP.

Thank you! I loved your description of, “lyrical,” as a quality that we feel. And your suggestion to focus on the specific components that give us that feeling, so we can incorporate them into our own writing, was very helpful. Yay!

Congratulations on a beautiful debut! Mommy’s Khimar is full of wonderful sensory elements which jump off the page. I loved it! I write lyrical text as well, and your post will serve as a great checklist for my work going forward. Thank you!

I can’t thank you enough for explaining lyrical books. I have never been able to define it myself and I still can’t, but your examples really help. Bear Snores On is one of my favorites. I guess it’s time to head back to the library to look for Lyrical books. And congratulations on your new book, Mommy’s Khimar. I can’t wait to read it.

One of the most insightful, inspirational posts I’ve seen on lyrical language. Your examples truly exemplify how rhythmic and awe-inspiring lyrical language can be. Definitely spoken from the heart. Truly an amazing post. Thank you. Much success in your writing career.

Thank you, Jamilah. I love all the examples you cite here! You clearly have great taste in picture books ;-).(Another favorite lyrical pb of mine is Swan: The Life & Dance of Anna Pavlova.) Very excited to get my hands on your new book, and congrats on your success!

I appreciated the breakdown of lyricism, Jamilah. It’s a style I like to read and write and I love to go deeper into the foundations. Your book is one for my personal library. Congratulations on it being so well-received in the industry.

Hello, Just getting around to reading this.. better late than never – I love lyrical picture books and yours is very lovely. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on lyric – lyric is difficult to do, but with lots and lots of practice I hope it will become easier.

Thank you, thank you! What you have gifted here is in perfect timing with what I hope is my last revision before submission, and searching for the lyrical to flow. As you said, you sometimes write a poem to decide where to cut. I have done this. Come all the way from rhyming to lyrical to spare core story, to more selective lyrical notes here and there, to those final irksome parts that simply feel less than perfect, no matter what critique group members say. Finding the tone that brings it all to that satisfying sense of stopping, circling back not only in story arc, but in rhythm, pace, and emotion. Thank you for so clearly pulling all the ways together. I am going to sit down with this before me.

Thank you for this “definition” of lyrical – I think that’s what I’m aspiring to be without really realizing it! Thanks too so much for the examples of specific books – I’m going to search those out! Deanne

Jamilah – Your definition of lyrical is the best one I’ve ever read…..”feels good in your mouth and even more wonderous in your ears!” This too is lyrical! Thank you for sharing and I too can’t wait to read your book!

Thanks so much Jamilah…. I wouldn’t have described lyrical writing this way before I read your post but you have described the way it makes me feel so well…. it is sensory… and your description gives me “aha’s” about what I want to include in my writing to make my readers feel what I am feeling!

Great post, Jamilah! Thank you for giving us a look at writing lyrical picture books. I loved your definition of: “the language feels good in the mouth and even more wondrous to the ear.” I have never thought of writing a poem to help with one’s picture book text… but have often tried expanding one of my poems into a picture book… I just need to reverse the process 🙂

Thank you for this great post – I love how you describe the reading/writing process as such a sensory experience. Thank you for the mention of great mentor texts – I will use these examples with my class this year!

Jamilah, we don’t often get to hear about lyrical picture books; which are some of my favorites to read. They were always my children’s favorites. You have given us a wonderful lesson, thank you! And for me specifically, your lesson is helping with me with my latest new draft. 🙂

Jamilah, I love this post! Thank for you for sharing your insights on lyrical language. I love the idea of copying down inspiring passages / scenes to try to emulate them in your own writing. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I look forward to checking out your book!