For every string of lights that doesn't go out before New Year's, we thank You.For not having a fire from bad wiring and overloaded circuits, we thank You.For not coming up with an extra branch at the end of the tree assembly, we thank You.For a parking space within a three-mile radius of WalMart, we beg You.For still being able to stick on last year's bows, we thank You.For 3M and all Scotch Tape, we thank You.For batteries size C, D, and AA, we thank You.For the cookies in the exchange that are better than our own, we thank You.For department stores and malls that DON'T play "Gramma Got Run OverBy A Reindeer", we thank You.For people behind counters who are still able to smile, we thank You.For any special holiday programming that pre-empts the impeachment hearings, we especially thank You.For not receiving ANY fruitcake, we thank You.For ANY store open 24 hours, we thank You.

From people like Martha Stewart, who have all their shopping done, andpackages wrapped by the end of October, spare us, O Lord.From relatives who come over on Christmas, turn on the TV and watchfootball during our dinner, deliver us, O Lord.From imbibing too heavily at the office party, and telling the bosswhat we REALLY think of him, spare us, O Lord.From completely maxing out our credit cards, deliver us, O Lord.From eggnog with salmonella, spare us, O Lord.From people who leave in the package of gizzards when they cook theturkey, spare us, O Lord.From loud, obnoxious-sounding toys, deliver us, Lord.From ANY toy resembling a purple dinosaur, spare us, O Lord.