I was wrong when I thought The Tower card meant something to do with my work. It’s been a slow crumbling as The Tower falls. First, the washer broke. Then the refrigerator, and several smaller things in between. Last night, the car started making a loud noise when I turned, so I figured the power steering needed fluid. But of course, it couldn’t be that simple. I was smug as the auto parts guy poured the fluid in. This morning, the power steering wasn’t working at all. I keep trying to deal with each thing as it comes up, but I AM human and I DO have a breaking point. I feel it is near. And yet through all this, plus the holiday madness, I think I am maintaining, but I can’t help but feel the “poor me” coming on. I sit down to check some email and I see one there from a dear friend. She writes that today is the 13th anniversary of her daughter’s death. That one sentence put everything in perspective.

I don’t know exactly what started the premonitions, but The Tower card confirms it. Things are about to fall apart. On one hand, I am scared of the consequences, but on the other hand, I am relieved that it will soon be over. It’s not good to keep giving energy into something that is so useless. But I am stuck on the Merry go Round, and the Universe is helping me get off the ride.
I am just feeling dead inside about my job. I have given years and years and all my time and energy into something that, yes, I get a paycheck and other benefits– but it is slowly killing me. They just keep demanding more and more and giving me less and less. I feel used and violated. I used to love my job. I love my work, but I dread going to my job. It’s more about selling than it is actual pharmacy work anymore.
I think it’s time to tear down the wall.

“The Tower” How you respond to the problems of today makes all the difference in how uncomfortable the experience will be. Know that if something falls apart, it was needed. In fact, you may feel a release of the weight off your shoulders that you have finally been forced in a new direction.

I found a bag of cheerios next to the box of Disney Fairies Gummy snacks that we bought for the baby and it flooded me with sadness.

I miss her so much. We all do. We miss her mama too.

I’m lighting a grounding brown candle and some frankincense and ask the powers that be to protect, comfort, heal and guide my daughter and her husband to do the right thing by each other and their baby. And to help them find the happiness they couldn’t find here.

“O Goddess, protect my loved ones every day, as they sleep and as they play.Help them to always smile bright, and keep them safe in Your loving light.Protect them from harm and from all they fear.For they are the ones that I hold dear.I thank you Goddess for helping me.I trust in Your aid So mote it be!”With harm to none, this spell is done.

I woke today like any other day, fretting about all the things I hadn’t done. I wanted to do so many things on these days off. But I realized, I really needed to decompress. This is the time when the “Sun stands still”, and maybe I should too. Since Simon died, I hadn’t been the same. Then I was hit with the Jennifer Chapter and that one is still dragging on. As a matter of fact, every time a cat died, it changed me a little. It softens my heart and turns me into someone who can’t help but show her feelings, instead of that hard person that never cried. But this time really changed me. I had never witnessed a death like that before. I feel like something is missing and I need to get “it” back.

So I’m going to use this Summer Solstice as a standing still period. I already have my candles going and my incense burning. I’m going to gather my strength and energy to keep doing what I do. To reassess myself and where I am going, and to ask myself if I am still on the right path? And if not, then to change it. I will go outside barefoot and reconnect with the grounding energy of the earth. Recharge my batteries. Bask in the Sun and feel it warm my skin. Remember why I am here.

He is the Lord of the Powers of Fire. Magickally, the element of Fire is concerned with creativity, life energy, the spirit, and the strength of the Will. It is also associated with inner sight, vision, and the festival of the Summer Solstice. <:) The reason the card looks the way it does, is because it survived our house fire on Jan 1, 1999.

Time to take charge of the situation. I took that advice today and faxed in my paperwork for the withdrawal I need to help us through this rough time. It’s almost Summer Solstice, I have a ton of readings still to do and I want to clean out boxes in my house. So I’m glad I took a couple of days off between Mark’s birthday and Summer Solstice to halfway feel like I am getting things sort of together.

I want to make a Witches Bottle for Summer Solstice, and I want to have a fire in the backyard even though it is 90 degrees right now. That is IF it isn’t storming. There is always a chance for that in June here in Central Florida! I also need to write down everything I want to accomplish this Solstice so I can start on that as well. I’m sure I can find everything I need in my “Witchy” box, which is something else that I will clean out. It contains all my herbs, candles, and miscellaneous supplies for making things. I’ve been wanting to go through it for months.

I need to get pics of all the kittens so after I put in the application to qualify as a foster for the St. Francis Society, we can put them out there for adoption. I wanted to do it when they were smaller, but it seemed that life kept getting in the way. One disaster after another until I was broken. Now is the time for the climb back up. We did manage to get Mommy Kitten fixed because she was starting to cry at all the doors all the time. She’s a skinny little thing now that she is missing a lot of her insides! She was already so small to begin with….that is how she fooled us into believing she was a kitten when she jumped in my daughter’s arms that cold night at the Wal-mart parking lot! Then she just kept gaining weight until we couldn’t ignore the fact that she was pregnant! Oh, she was a smart one! She found a home for her kittens just in time! And she got lucky finding us! I think we must have some sort of homing signal that only cats can perceive. It brings them to us. They know they are safe here. I just really need that bigger place to make itself known in my life. I want to be able to help them, as it is, we are full and it will break my heart to see one more in need. And I know I will, there are so many. That is the awesomeness of TNVR! We practice it in our vicinity. It was especially good when it was free for our zip code. Now it isn’t, and that 15.00 a feral cat gets expensive when you have 5 that need to be fixed~but it keeps them from breeding and creating even more homeless cats.

This Mercury Retrograde has been particularly hard on me this time. I don’t know if it’s because the Sun is in Gemini and Gemini is ruled by Mercury? Or if it is because Saturn, Neptune, and Pluto are also Retrograde? Maybe because we just had Friday the 13th PLUS a Full Moon? Or is it just the turn of the Wheel that constantly brings us up and down? It’s almost Summer Solstice, so there is a lot going on magickally. Things are stirred up and they will have to settle a little before we can see to the bottom. I need to have a fire tonight and burn some things, like the abundance check I wrote during the New Moon. It’s time for some clearing and reassessment.

Things are starting to even out a little here at home, although I don’t want to sound presumptuous. I know things can change in the blink of an eye. Like thinking, “I’m going to make it!” then getting knocked down the stairs. At least Danny made up with Jennifer before she left and that made all the difference in the world. My sons and daughter were so pissed off at their father for getting so angry with Jennifer for going back up to Boston. None of us really agreed with her decision, but she is an adult and we can’t stop her. It’s just that he loves her so much and he loves his granddaughter so much. Charlotte had him at first glance. He literally told her don’t call me if you get into trouble, and then proceeded to give her the angry silent treatment. Which is why I was so down and in such a dark place. I can’t have my loved ones in a rift! I’ll be stuck in the black hole in the middle and that’s where I was. But thankfully, he turned around and wanted to drive to see her before she went back to Boston. He wanted to tell her he loved her and she could always call us if she needed. I am so proud of him, it was like a weight lifted from our family.

I ask for peace, harmony, good health and prosperity
for us and Jennifer’s family.
With harm to none, So Mote It BE!