Last Authentic Mexican Restaurant Closes Today in Arizona

Nogales, Arizona - The only way Arizonans are going to get real authentic Mexican food after today is if they are fortunate enough to have made friends with some real authentic Mexicans, of if they are willing to risk life and limb trying to cross the border over into Mexico. The way it looks now, real authentic Mexicans, regardless of their immigration status, are not feeling too friendly these days.

Juanita Gonzales of Pancho's Authentic Mexican Restaurant confirmed that she is that last holdout in Arizona that she knows of. "Oh, there may be a few free-standing taco stands out on the fringes of town, but for the most part, any Mexican worth their salt in cooking, has packed up their pots and tortilla warmers and moved back into Mexico. This is the only way we know to really hurt the lawmakers where they live, by taking away our knowledge of cooking the foods they have come to crave. I'd love to see them now on a late Saturday night with a craving for our famous beef burritos."

Maggie MacDowell, a Nogales transplant from Boston, is plenty mad at this latest fallout from the passing of legislation that allows Arizona law enforcement officers to determine whether or not to stop certain citizens if they believe they may be illegal immigrants. "I have been coming to Pancho's every day for the past four years for lunch. There is no other place in town or in Arizona, for that matter, that serves a better chile relleno," she said while eating what will be her last authentic Mexican meal in Nogales.

With tears in her eyes, (the authentic Mexican salsa may be partially to blame), MacDowell continued, "I tried a couple of those Tex-Mex places in town, but their food just stinks up the place compared to Pancho's. Sure, I was all for the new law when they were telling me how secure our border was going to be and how the crime would slow down, but they lied. The only thing this stinkin' law did was get rid of the best place in the world to eat. I'm never gonna listen to another politician again."

Make Charpa93's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

More fake news stories

Following a tireless debate last night, congress has begun work drafting a new bill that seeks to stop white men from kicking the back of a goddamn coon's head and shattering his teeth whilst proclaiming the sanctity of the white bloodline.
The bi...

BILLINGSGATE POST: In a stunning development, Chief Justice John Roberts changed his name to Caitlyn Roberts, thereby joining Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Sonia Sotomayor and Elena Kagan as custodians of keys to the women's restroom of the Supreme C...

Washington - The President of the United Snakes of America and a Brit Reality TV con artist famous for faking the Beeb's wildlife documentaries have appeared in a televised White House junk science rant.
Barack Obama and ageing UK naturalist (sic...

Washington, DC - Disgraced NAACP leader, Rachel Dolezal, who was fired last month for being a secret whitey, didn't take long to get her life heading in a newish direction. It turns out that she quickly found an equally-minded friend in John Boehner,...

Washington, D.C - How do you cap off a Democratic Presidency that seems to have gotten almost nothing done for nearly eight long years? Well, a good way to start is to gather all the whack job liberals you can find after a really gruesome, racially m...

Malone, NY - New York Police shot and killed one of the two escaped murderers from the Clinton Correctional Facility, Richard Matt, on Friday, only a few miles from the Canadian border - which would have surely been the end of the trail for all polic...

No longer willing to ignore the stark reality of environmental degradation, global poverty, and deteriorating human health, pessimistic beverage packing company Canned Dreams, Inc., recently announced the launch of a new product line, known as the al...

In a clever political maneuver all 32 republican presidential prospects agreed to consolidate their collective power and run as one single multi-personality candidate.
The new strategy is the brainchild of Carl Rove who said it was necessary to a...