home invasion of the strange kind

This is a discussion on home invasion of the strange kind within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; this left me speechless. that's not easy to do....
Nation & World | Man rubbed with spices, other beaten with sausage | Seattle Times Newspaper
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home invasion of the strange kind

Man rubbed with spices, other beaten with sausage
A stranger broke into a home east of Fresno, rubbed spices on the body of one of two men as they slept and used an 8-inch sausage to whack the other man in the face and head before he fled, Fresno County sheriff's deputies said Saturday.

By The Fresno Bee
FRESNO, Calif. — A stranger broke into a home east of Fresno, rubbed spices on the body of one of two men as they slept and used an 8-inch sausage to whack the other man in the face and head before he fled, Fresno County sheriff's deputies said Saturday.

Lt. Ian Burrimond said a suspect was found in a nearby field and taken into custody. Deputies, he said, had no problem linking a suspect to the crime: "It seems the guy ran out of the house wearing only a T-shirt, boxer shorts and socks, leaving behind his wallet with his ID."

Arrested was a 22-year-old Fresno resident.

The spices and the sausage, Burrimond said, were taken from the victims' kitchen.

He said money that had been taken was recovered, but the sausage was discarded and eaten by a dog. "That's right, the dog ate the weapon," Burrimond said.

In a field not too far from my home, the police found a dead body. There were Frosted Flakes scattered about the scene, and a half gallon of milk. Bananas were inserted into every orifice. Detectives are speculating that it was a CEREAL MURDER.

In a field not too far from my home, the police found a dead body. There were Frosted Flakes scattered about the scene, and a half gallon of milk. Bananas were inserted into every orifice. Detectives are speculating that it was a CEREAL MURDER.

"fundamental principle of American law that a government and its agents are under no general duty to provide public services, such as police protection, to any individual citizen." [Warren v. District of Columbia,(D.C. Ct. of Ap., 1981)]
If I have to explain it, you wouldn't understand