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Sweetheart is a military man through and through. No foreseeable future where he would be home. So reading about your experiences has helped me to envision things from my metamour's (his wife's) point of view.

Yeah, being in the military presents its own issues with lonliness/separateness/getting things done! I'm glad it helped though.

I said this on my blog (longer), but after Magdlyn asked me what it was that I was feeling in regards to what my husband is doing, the most I could come up with was curiosity -- and the discomfort of not knowing (not discomfort about what was going on).

I'm beginning to think I might have either GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) or some light version of OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). Not just from this but connecting the obsessively thinking about something/worry from many MANY events in my life, since childhood.

I go to the counselor tomorrow, so I'll let you know what she says. Interesting though...

@ Minxxa:
It's been interesting reading this thread... the military... your unintentional obsessions with his being satisfied by other women... your struggle to manage your time the best way you know how... your interest in psychology... and especially the conference on sex therapy. Can you share more about it? I'm going to attend my first sex therapy session on the 17th this month to figure out what's right (and wrong) with me, and she specializes in alternative sex situations. I find the whole thing fascinating.

@ Minxxa:
It's been interesting reading this thread... the military... your unintentional obsessions with his being satisfied by other women... your struggle to manage your time the best way you know how... your interest in psychology... and especially the conference on sex therapy. Can you share more about it? I'm going to attend my first sex therapy session on the 17th this month to figure out what's right (and wrong) with me, and she specializes in alternative sex situations. I find the whole thing fascinating.

Interestingly, after doing some research on anxiety-- the obsessive thinking about things, or "ruminating" is something I've done all of my life about everything. So it's not really specific to my husband and sex-- I do it about random conversations, people screwing up my bills, etc. LOL... that helps, and doesn't at the same time!! So basically it's not an issue with polyamory-- it's an issue everything. So we're going to work on methods of getting through that. The good part is it should help in ALL aspects of my life, not just my relationship.

There are all types of sex therapists-- but most of them (the good ones) are going to take all of your life into consideration, depending upon the issue you present with. For example, with women who have difficulty with orgasms, this can be physiological, psychological, emotional, connected with their past or a combination of it all. It's all interconnected. If you have a partner and you've had years of distance and lack of communication and loss of respect-- your sex life will suffer as well. You can't look at it in a vacuum, not if you really want to improve things.

Since I can't speak to your particular situation I will only say make sure you and your counselor click. That is really the most important thing in any counseling relationship. Good luck!

Interestingly, after doing some research on anxiety-- the obsessive thinking about things, or "ruminating" is something I've done all of my life about everything. So it's not really specific to my husband and sex-- I do it about random conversations, people screwing up my bills, etc. LOL... that helps, and doesn't at the same time!! So basically it's not an issue with polyamory-- it's an issue everything. So we're going to work on methods of getting through that. The good part is it should help in ALL aspects of my life, not just my relationship.

I found this interesting because I do this, too, about way too many things in my life. Besides the sex thing, I replay previous conversations with people in my head and wonder if I'm a person who doesn't deserve her job. I try to be friendly, perky, and professionally proper as much as possible (I make a constant effort - it's exhausting but necessary in my line of work - super professional type of work), but sometimes I relax and second guess myself afterwards. Those insecurities surface because my dad raised me to believe I was never good enough. It's a lifelong battle. I think it has led to part of that divide in my marriage, too, because he isn't like that at all. Whenever he threatens to leave me, it's because I'm obsessing about the littlest things. I don't get anxiety anymore like it sounds like you do, but it still affects how I think and act at work and at home. Like I stated in another thread, I hope my visiting the sex therapist will address this, too.

. . . sometimes I relax and second guess myself afterwards. Those insecurities surface because my dad raised me to believe I was never good enough. It's a lifelong battle. I think it has led to part of that divide in my marriage, too, because he isn't like that at all. Whenever he threatens to leave me . . .

I don't care what his reason is, regularly threatening to leave is not something that supports a relationship. No wonder you have insecurities, Erin! Oh boy, I really hope your hubs gets into therapy with you.

I don't care what his reason is, regularly threatening to leave is not something that supports a relationship. No wonder you have insecurities, Erin! Oh boy, I really hope your hubs gets into therapy with you.

He wants me to be even-keeled all the time, just like him. I just want to shout, "Not gonna happen, baby! This is me - take it or leave it!" LOL But I can't do that because then it starts another fight. He pushes what he wants too much on me - but I'm sick of it - I need to be me - a happy me. When I want to change something - he just needs to let me do it. And yes, if he denies my offer to join me in therapy sessions, then I'll leave this summer... for my own good! This is really our last chance.