Tag Archive: priest wets pants

The signs of the times are calling for married priests in the Roman Catholic church. It’s not far fetched but we do feel that the wind is blowing in that direction. On the other hand, we are standing on the ground and not flying too high. It’s not going to be an easy change. This is because for various reasons. One of them is, that many people want progress but nobody wants to change.

If the church really wants married priests, how are they going to call for vocations with the present circumstances? The church calls itself the expert in humanity. Yet, do workers in the church have the best conditions of work? Is the church ready to preach by example? How many married men are going to join the church with the present conditions? What type of hindrance keeps married men from joining priesthood? Can we alter something in order to attract the best possible candidates? The financial package is not to be forgotten, plus spiritual, humanistic and intellectual formation.

On the part of the laity, are they prepared to study theology and other studies to give a professional service to their parish? Studying means many years of studies. On the other hand one can’t have a course similar to the one provided for non-married priests where they can afford 6 to 7 years without gaining money. How can they receive married ones while maintaining the responsibility of the family?

What about the general reflection about the family? Are the married ones expected just to obey? Are we prepared to re-write the whole ‘relationship’ chapter in the theological studies from the point of view of married priests? Are these married priests to be given their right to give a unique feedback to the general church?

One of interesting debates is when married priests have teens themselves. Even when they preach to the congregation their own teens will be there! That means somebody who is trying to live the gospel. This week I met some families who are complaining that there teens are abandoning the Sunday Mass!! That would already be a tough challenge for married ones. Yet, the challenge itself could prove to be a witness to many other families!

Speaking about the teens, what about the women. Is the wife of the pastor going to be a silent spectator? Or is she going to get a significant role in the running of the parish? After all, like many other women she is the silent supporter of her husband’s work! She is the one to help him going on. She could be the voice of many other women who are still living in the periphery of the parish!

With all this in mind, it makes sense to call back all those priests who have left. Why? Because they have something which new candidates don’t have: experience! Once they were at the centre of activity in the parish. In these last years, they have lived their most difficult time of their lives. They know how one feels when one is discarded in society. That makes them better candidates to look at those in society who feel not welcomed anymore. Those discarded have always been an important part of the church. It’s the new generation which will form up the new church. It’s not a surprise that most married priests welcome all kinds of people who are in different phases of faith!

Priests today have a dark cloud above their heads owing to the sexual abuse crisis. Yet married priests could prove vital to thwart that conception of priesthood. This is another hidden asset of married priesthood which could link the church with the outside world once again.

The word argument might have a negative connotation for some people in some particular cultures. Well, many years ago it was the basic form of education in the old times (referring to Greek and Roman times). People used to bring the hearsay to ‘old’ people in order to hear their views about it.

The so called ‘old’ teachers had the knack of building up an argument in order to expose their teaching. So the argument was an excuse to spread their way of thinking. There weren’t classes as such but the so called arguments took place in the square where all the people used to mingle (whether for business, curiosity, to hang out or simply to gossip!)

We too can start from what the people say and think and take it up to the next level. We should show our way of presenting the argument.

One of the most famous (or infamous!) hearsay is that of sexual abuse which might happen if priests are not allowed to get married. We have to be extra careful how we present it as our adversaries might tell us that married people too abuse young children. But it doesn’t mean we have to drop this side of the argument. Let’s get deep down.

Both single and married people abuse children. That’s a fact. Nobody can deny it. But is it for the same reason? Now this is the side of the argument that most of them forget. Let’s give an example: stealing. A poor person might steal because it needs to. Does it mean that rich people don’t steal? No sir. They steal TOO. But they do it for a different reason.

The same with sexual abuse coming from unmarried priests. Yes the lack of sexual expression might lead to different forms of sicknesses. One of them is to reach out for young, inexperienced and virgin young boys and girls. This has been proved in many scientific studies. Just to mention a comparison it’s like somebody who is dying of hunger and sees the trash bin of somebody. Without thinking twice he would open it and eat the first food item found, forgetting about getting sick from such food! Yes some unmarried priests sometimes are craving for just a handshake! Most of them would like to have a sexual encounter in their deepest and hidden wishes. They are practically being crucified everyday! They simply go nuts when the perfume of a woman enters their office. This is the environment when sexual abuse of children takes place. No one can deny it! They can’t contain their sexual appetite and consequently they express it on the most vulnerable section of society – children!

Married people too abuse young and inexperienced young children. Again we emphasize, but it’s for a different reason.

We are not simply going to give permission to an abuser to get married in order to solve the problem! That would be complete nonsense!

But why are we asking for married priesthood then?

The first primary reason is the bible. How could we encourage people to read the bible and then go against the bible? Most of the apostles were married. How can we justify that our priests today go against the bible? If we start making excuses for not following the bible then all teaching will fall away!

Secondly, we firmly believe that a priest with a woman at his side would change his outlook on life, spirituality and philosophy of work completely. We can’t simply insist on the mentality that men alone are better qualified for the job. As time passes by, we notice that teens who are still coming to church, in most cases have a very active mum (in the religious sense)!! Mums, in many cases are doing a priest’s job by speaking about God to children and bringing Him alive to them. In many parishes, the contribution of women is often hidden. But that doesn’t mean that it’s not important!

Married priesthood is going to be the starting point of a new revolution where all the teaching of the church has to be: reflected on, shared, discussed and action taken upon! All this enveloped in an environment of prayer. Let’s not be afraid of the Holy Spirit who speaks in different times and in different ways though various and unexpected people!

Finally we have a priest who is speaking about his heart adventures!! Well, I’m not promising anyone that he is going to answer all questions or any questions at all. At least we can have a glimpse about how he seas this new person in his life. Maybe some day in the future he will continue to reveal more about his life in the parish. Obviously we are hiding his identity for practical purposes.

I’m Gabriel, a Catholic priest in my late 50s.

I was ordained when I was in my mid-20s.

I’m 5 foot 10 inches (1.8 metres) tall. I’m fit and lean: a testament to the control I use when choosing only clean living and what goes into my body.

I’m a busy Pastor where I spend 8-12 hours a week driving between my rural parishes and diocese offices. On my “day off” I enjoy swimming and video chatting with friends and family.

I’m a happy priest and I feel loved and admired by my parishioners: especially the seniors many of whom I have formed a close bond with. In fact, they love me so much that they petitioned the diocese to keep me in their parishes instead of moving the Pastor every 2 years as is the norm in my diocese. I’ve been there for nearly 7 years now.

I thrive on the predictability of my daily life as a Pastor. I like to be in control of my world and refers to myself as “somewhat of a control freak”, though I’m very careful to never try to exert control over others.

I would like to share with you about something which happened today that shook my inner self.

Today I saw a woman. She is new, but somehow seems familiar. There is something about her. Something that draws me in and is enticingly frightening, Like I’m playing with fire and want to get burned.

Something. I can’t put my finger on it.

She has this sadness in her eyes. Those eyes, big, beautiful and brooding. Sad, but sparkling – How does that work?? She looks healthy enough but yet seems frail and fragile.
She is wearing makeup. Why? to cover something up? Not some physical imperfection, but something else that she doesn’t want the world to see? I imagine her with no makeup. Freshly showered, clean, hair wet. Oh no, don’t go there!. I’m immediately trying to guess her age. Young, too young. I guess about 15 years younger than me. My brain starts arguing with itself – Too young for what exactly? Stop it you fool!

I introduce myself. I don’t even know what I said, in all probability something absurd, because for some reason, I’m not thinking clearly. I wonder if she thinks I’m examining her a little too closely so I avert my gaze towards the other parishioners, only to look back to find that she is still looking at me. Now I’m embarrassed. Do I look okay? Is my hair messed up? Can she see into my soul? Okay, gain your composure. Act professional. You’re not a teenager! What is wrong with me? I’m sure she thought I’m an idiot. Oh no, I feel like I’m staring. What in the world is happening here? I shake her hand and somehow my other hand comes up and I have her hand in both of mine now. I think probably that’s a little too friendly too soon but I’m committed now and I blurt out “I hope to see you again – WE hope to see you again”. She thanks me and leaves and I have to consciously remind myself not to watch her walk all the way through the welcoming area and out the door.
You’re acting like a fool Father. Don’t feel much like a “Father” right now.

I go back to the elder I was speaking to before who immediately says “She’s lovely isn’t she?” Oh my Lord. What an imbecile I am. Now I’ve embarrassed myself twice already in a span of about 2 minutes. I don’t answer and try to resume the conversation we were having before my brain and my heart decided to go their separate ways. But I can’t focus and feel the need to find quiet and solitude. Nevertheless, I carry on with all the necessaries and all the niceties I’m on cruise control, robotic. All the while I want to bolt to the parking lot in case I can catch another glimpse of her.

I should have asked the elder who she is. She seemed to know her. No, that would be a huge mistake. Oh well, it’s too late now.
Why am I so out of control? Why do I not feel like a priest right now? I’m feeling guilty already. Why? Have I done something wrong? Maybe I should talk to someone. No, I don’t want to do that either. I’m probably reading way too much into this.

I find myself praying that she comes back again but I feel thrown off. Maybe I don’t want her to come back. God help me. What is happening? I feel unsettled.
A missed opportunity, or perhaps I dodged a bullet.

I spend the rest of the day trying to get her out of my mind and trying to determine whether I am happy that I met her or not. And to regain my confidence which is inexplicably shaken.

Noticing the lack of comments by priests on our blog, I feel it’s my job to try to fill it in. Obviously I can’t speak for all priests. Yet I’m trying to keep in mind the hundreds of stories I have read, listened to and witnessed personally. The invitation is still valid for priests involved in romantic stories to write their own opinion. Please do write your opinion! Obviously we promise to keep their names, place etc….in secrecy.

The red line means when the priest should stop and reflect and take a decision: either to continue to delve into the relationship or else stop the relationship for good. We are never going to take that decision for anybody. It’s the couple which has to decide which way to go forward, preferrably by mutual consent.

First: The first and most dangerous assumptions by priests is that once sex didn’t take place, then everything is ok and one can continue walking in the same direction!

This is due first and foremost for lack of formation during the priests’ training period. Relationships start once people get to know each other. From the priests’ way of life, relationships start earlier because the priest, being a public person, is exposing his thoughts, beliefs etc…in the public during the homilies delivered each and every Sunday. Most people feel that the priest is not simply filling up the time during the ceremony but exposing who he really is. In fact most people approach the priest to talk about personal challenges after listening to his homilies.

Second: most of the priests live all alone nowadays. Whether they are aware of it or not, most of them are craving for a little bit of attention from a person who does not visit the parish simply to be served. Once a person gives them some attention, they are hooked to that person because most people in the parish visit the pastor simply because there is a need to be filled (like signing papers etc..). Most people assume that priests do not feel lonely because they are all the time accompanied by crowds. Obviously crowds might make somebody feel more lonely!

Third: priests are trained to work all the time. Most of them have to visit families because of various reasons or meet people in the office. When a priest starts to speak more about himself than about God, most probably he is already beyond the red line! This is the time when connections turn into a deep relationship.

Fourth: the fact that most people talk about personal issues, they never meet in a public place but rather in a closed office or room which might give rise to inappropriate relationship. Priests having a personal issue with lack of sex, touch or affection might feel it’s the appropriate moment (because of secrecy) to take advantage of the opposite sex!

Fifth: priests who are struggling with pornography, alcohol abuse, excessive travelling abroad etc… should seek professional help and not keep everything inside. It might come out in an explosive manner. Just to make it easier to understand one can try to keep a ball under the water for some time. One can release it. It comes up with a massive force! That’s what happens when a person keeps some issues well hidden. One day they might come out in unexpected manner. The damage is immense.

Sixth: the priest although he preaches to the others, might be passing through a period of lack of faith. He has to talk to somebody who can guide him through the delicate phase. It happens to everybody. There is nothing to be ashamed of. No one can grow up in faith without challenges! The fact that he might not feel ok with the church or with faith, could be a trigger to go away and leave active priesthood! This another unknown path where many priests pass through.

Seventh: problems with his own faith community or with his superiors might again trigger his temptation to leave everything behind and start a new life. Not everybody finds himself comfortably guiding a local faith community. Some of the priests I spoke to, where placed in parishes which were a complete mix-match with the formation and character of the priest. A clear example is transferring a young priest to a parish where the average age of the parishioners was over 60! But this does not concern just the age bracket, because one could be in a so called ‘young’ parish, yet the parishioners seem to be living in another era!

Eight: this one, is again misunderstood. There is nothing wrong with the priest nor with the woman. They simply fall in love. Some love relationships start when nobody is looking for love. Chemistry has it’s own unique way of attracting people together! Besides, love is not a switch to press on and off at will! There are various examples of people who went to another part of the world in order to forget a loved person….yet in the end they realised that it was simply useless. One cannot stop real love from growing and flowing nicely around! Some readers did point out that God is love after all, so why do we resist such manifestation of his presence?

Ninth: most priests took their vow or promise of celibacy when they were so young. Now they do realise the meaning and the consequence of such a special way of life. Can they be held responsible for something which took place without their full awareness or maturity? Not all people can be classified as adults although having 18 years of age or more. People mature on various levels and at different time levels. Emotional level is a very tricky one! To determine one’s emotional true age might be very challenging!!

Readers, you are invited to comment and add to our observations! May God Bless you all!

Many people will ask every now and then….why don’t you priests, who have left the parish, convert to another religion?

Well everybody is free to answer that question according to his concience. There are no right or wrong answers. But surely one of the reasons which keeps us in the Catholic Church is the number of ecclesial documents which make us proud of our church! We studied, prayed and experienced the documents of the Second Vatican Council. Now we have this document by Pope Francis about the unique and rich area of the pan-amazonia.

It’s truly the true church which this pope is trying to make stronger. It is not simply a visit to this region. He wants to learn how they are successful in making the church a strong social element where others have failed (especially in Europe where churches are becoming similar to museums).

It is lead by the common people (women included which lead some to think that he is in favour of women priests). They do discuss many issues (mostly ecological but including justice). They decide which path to take. Finally they go for it! They are enlarging or putting under the religious discussion subjects which at first glance have nothing to do with religion. On the other hand it’s listening to what the people feel the need to discuss, which in the end is illuminated by the bible. It is the people’s church.

Unfortunately most journalists already missed the point by selecting one or two issues. It will be interesting to see how politicians are going to react to this document.

Surprisingly in many countries, nothing is heard of this document. We are referring to Catholic news agencies. As one commentator has commented, it seems that part of the church is boycotting Pope Francis!!

Let’s come to our part where it has given hope to many people that future priests maybe married. Well, it’s not simply that married priests are going to be part of the future and that’s it! The church has to become owned by the common people. The people have to show their fears, hopes, dreams etc… The communities have to become vibrant. Obviously, the communities are lead by couples. In this context, the couple which is animating the community, could be ordained a priest (referring to the man).

Introducing married priests in a church where the community is practically dead won’t bring about the necessary changes! Secondly, simply putting a married couple in a church where they don’t know the community and the community doesn’t know them, would be risking a lot.

We know that many people haven’t been to Amazonia or Latin America. One of the fundamental differences with Western Europe is that the spirit of community is so high! This is not only for the church but rather on every social level. It’s like the old life in our villages where everybody greeted each other and took care of each other.

The second reflection is that the church should be concerned with the environment. One because the environment is truly important (St. Francis had a long vision in this area notwithstanding living in the middle ages). This shows that the church is concerned with what the people experience. It’s not a study about religion with no reference to today! As one had said, one hand on the bible and one hand on the newspaper (referring to today’s concerns).

An interesting part is that of questions. I think it’s unheard of that the Vatican publishes questions in order to help all those discussing the theme! It’s another first for Pope Francis.

Readers have every right to access the document published by the vatican here.

Today we wish to welcome the priests who in great secrecy read our blog. We wish to welcome them in a special way. Looking back, our writing may give the impression that it was too harsh on priests.

So we feel the need to clear the air today. We are not judging anybody, neither the priest nor the woman when they fall in love. On the other hand we cannot accept the fact that some priests do play with a woman’s heart, at times they want simply to have the best of both worlds!

We are the first to acknowledge that it’s not easy from the priest’s part to leave everything and marry the woman. What we are looking for (and most of the women readers too), is sincerity and total transparency. Like in all relationships, there is no clear formula to follow but at least if there is total openness, and real communication, at least the women can understand the priest. The most hated action is that of hot and cold response. They can’t satisfy their conscience simply with the thought that no sex has taken place. Any human being has feelings. Now sharing some information which is considered to be confidential will bring the two persons on a deep level (sex or no sex). That kind of intimacy cannot be deleted too quickly. They cannot simply discard the person after such experience.

We are not pushing anybody into any decision. We had counselled priests who have left and priests who have stayed. We are NOT the ones who take decisions. The priest has to take that decision. No rush, no pressure. Yet one cannot leave a person hanging on for too long. A decision either way has to be taken.

In a normal world, one cannot simply disappear into thin air! A priest has to prove his worth not with beautiful words but in real life. We do know that coming close to a woman is an uncharted sea. We know of all the brainwashing the priest has undergone in the early stages of formation. We have experience with priests’ loneliness. The crave to go back home to a loving person where one can show love in a physical way.

Priests should know that the biggest change in the world, recently, was the celebration of the Second Vatican Council (1962-1965) where instead of the traditional method where people have to put on a straight jacket, one needs to find the principles and God’s call in one’s unique life (which in most cases is not according to tradition).

Perhaps the biggest challenge for priests is that they are used to black and white colours (either good or bad). Well, we are trying to intoduce the grey colour! Priests were taught about morality (which is not simply classifying actions as bad or good). They should have the courage to practice what they’ve been taught.

All in all, we are looking for a dialogue. Let’s keep this discussion going. Let’s not judge or be too defensive. We should come together and discuss seriously in a prayerful way. Many readers have continuously written that we need the voice of more men in order to make our dialogue complete. We cannot see things just from the outside. We need the same men to let us in and see what we cannot see up to now.

The future of the church is at stake. Vocations have dwindled. Letting some married men to become priests will bring that number up although we don’t expect too many. Yet each new vocation counts in the world of today where many are bombarded by social media. Yet the biggest change will not be in numbers but in thought. Married priesthood will be the needed change in the church in order to face the world of today. They will start reflecting on all the teaching of the church from a different point of view. They will have a family to cater for. They will have growing up teens with all the challenges. The priest won’t live in a comfort zone. He has to face all the challenges like all normal people. That is what we’re looking for. On the other hand, how can we speak of spirituality, church etc… if there is no choice for priests? Celibacy should not be tied to priesthood but a free and mature choice after a certain age. Not giving choice to priests will give an ugly face to the church.

Dear priests, we’re waiting for your honest opinion…..don’t be afraid! We’ll protect your name, place etc… No one will know who you really are.

Hi, my name is Christina. I have been reading this blog for a very long time, and it is only today that I found the courage to go ahead and tell a little of my story. This is mainly because I refuse to let it go on any longer. It is in some way a kind of closure on my behalf, and a hope that other women won’t allow themselves to go through the same pain and torment as I have.

Around 10 years ago I met my priest and I had just separated with my fiancée at the time with whom I was still friends with. My fiancée had decided that he was being called to the priesthood and no longer felt called to marriage! My priest was aware of this being as we both attended his church. However, my fiancée and I remained friends and he continued to attend Church with me up until he left for seminary.

I think this is how it all started with my priest. I think he was trying to offer some kind of consolation.

It was a few days after Mass and the first time my priest saw me with my fiancée, my priest asked me who my fiancée was. I told him the situation but he just said “Ah, ok” and appeared deep in thought as if he wanted to ask more questions. I thought nothing of it and as Mass had finished, I just went home. From then on, the priest would stare at my fiancée and myself during Mass, and he would only ever speak to me and never to my fiancée.

A few months passed and I contacted the priest as I needed to have confession. (My fiancée had now left for seminary.) Once confession had finished, he offered refreshments and we were conversing as would be friends. We are around the same age and found that we had a lot of similar interests. We got chatting and he began to tell me that he also had a partner before he entered seminary. He seemed to be able to relate to what I was going through and it was more like a conversation with a friend. He asked for my number, so we exchanged numbers and he told me that I could contact him at any time. I told him that I wouldn’t want to take up his time but he said that he always has time for me. I felt very comforted and reassured to know this as I was understandably quite upset that my fiancée had left. I remembered how he said that I could contact him at any time and there was a period after my fiancée left that I was feeling very down and lonely.

I sent a message to the priest and told him how I was feeling. Thinking back now, he must have felt sorry for me. He invited me to see a show. I regret sending this message now as I feel I may have tempted him without even realising I was doing so. I only went to him as I found him easy to speak with and he seemed very understanding of what I was going through. (None of my friends or family could understand why my fiancée left me to join the priesthood.) Anyway, my priest and I went to see the show and started to grow what I believed was a friendship. We then met again socially on other occasions.

I started to find it odd that he would be so friendly and we would have such a nice time, then I wouldn’t hear from him for months. I once sent him a message to which he didn’t reply, and after a few weeks I messaged again asking if I had done something wrong. He replied in apology for not responding and we arranged to meet. We then met again and saw another show, but all the time I was naively thinking nothing of it on a romantic level. It was after one of our meetings when we were walking along together, that I became aware something was beginning to develop, a feeling that was almost sensed between us, but nothing was said. I knew at this time that I was beginning to fall in love with him and I had no idea if he felt the same.

After this meeting, I didn’t see or hear from him for 3 years and he moved to a different parish. This was a very difficult time for me as not only did I feel I had lost a friend but also felt guilty for having these feelings of love for a priest. I became depressed and was so confused as there was no contact or no explanation.

After 3 years, I received a message from him asking to meet him. Before we met, I was honest with him and told him that I had fallen in love with him. He said that he liked me also but has had to control his feelings. He told me that he was going through a difficult time and decided to take a leave of absence. Not at any time did he say that he did this because of me, so it was all a little bit confusing. We then met on a few occasions and kissed passionately but never had any sexual relations as we always met in public. Had we not been in public, it would definitely have gone further. Things then started to become strange. Any conversation we started became awkward. I asked him if he felt anything for me and he seemed frustrated by my question and did not answer with a direct yes or no answer, but because of his frustration I didn’t want to push it.

It was after this day that he suddenly decided to stop the contact after having spent a really nice time together, and again with no explanation. I tried to contact him but he wouldn’t respond to any messages. After a period of time, he went back to priesthood to which he is managing more than one parish. I have not heard from him since. I became very depressed and have felt suicidal. He has never told me what changed his mind and this has been the most difficult thing for me to deal with. I don’t think that I will ever be able to even begin to recover from this until I have some kind of explanation, but I don’t think that he will ever do this and I don’t understand why.

It has taken me another 3 years to begin to start accepting that nothing will ever come of this because I haven’t heard from him and he will not respond to any communication that I send him. I am devastated and for obvious reasons can’t tell anyone about this situation. I feel forced into silence and suffering, and I am grieving. I fell in love with him and I don’t think this feeling will ever go away.

I’m not sure if he ever felt anything for me as he never actually told me that he loved me. I don’t think I will ever be able to trust another man again, and I don’t attend Church anymore due to a guilty conscience.

Thanks Christina for sharing. You have come to the right place. We know that falling in love is NOT a crime, even with a priest. You did nothing wrong. It’s the priest who should know have known better. At least on a human level he should have spoken very clearly and explained his odd behaviour (we have become familiar with such odd behaviour though!). Please do not punish yourself. God understands our human flesh because he was human too. He is not keeping account of what we do wrong. He is so merciful (just read so many messages from the present Pope Francis). In our opinion it’s time to turn to God to receive his understanding, mercy and infinite love. He does not love us if we behave well! He was always in the company of well known and public sinners. The only time that he was really angry was twice: when they turned His temple into an economical activity and when the priests of that time were totally double faced, they played the role of good people when viewed in public, but behaved differently when all alone……….He never treated sinners in a bad way. On the contrary he is prepared to leave the 99 sheep to go and look for the missing one!

I’m Abigail. The Reverend Father is Alex. Basically, we met at a small parish in a rural town in Minnesota. I wanted to convert to Catholicism and after meeting with him for 9 months, I was baptized and confirmed by him during Easter Vigil. Our meetings usually lasted around 2-3 hrs.

We never kissed but we’re the same age and had tons of weird stuff in common. He’d tell me things like, “you’re a very beautiful girl” and “nothing is off the table where you and I are concerned”. He was very confusing in the way he phrased things. I’ve been in love with him for months and I think he feels the same. However, I brought a male friend to my baptism and now Fr. Alex won’t look at me and didn’t respond to my message. He announced last Sunday that his last day would be June 20th. His term was supposed to be for 12 years but now he’s mysteriously leaving after just 2 years???

I shook his hand as I was leaving Mass (as is customary) and he wouldn’t even look at me. He didn’t look at me during his announcement, either.

I asked Abigail some direct questions. Here are the answers.

How was he during the those 9 months? Did he act more like a man than a priest?

He openly adjusted/scratched his genitalia in front of me once. He used crude language often, all the swear words, even the F word. He told me that all every man thought about was sex and how good it feels and how much they need it and want it (even though I didn’t ask him that and it had nothing to do with our conversation.) His language was always overtly sexual. He was constantly saying things like ‘screw’, ‘fuck’, etc. He talked about breasts a lot, too and mentioned pornography a lot.

Did he ever sit next to you (touching you) ?

He always wanted me to sit at the end of the table, while he sat on the right of me. The closest we could possibly be at the table. Oftentimes when we were standing, he’d stand so close to me that our shoulders touched. He didn’t pull away.

What other kind of language you think was weird for a priest parishioner relationship? Did he ever use any body language to hint that he wanted more from you?

Besides the overtly sexual language, he told me we could meet ‘informally’ outside of the church anytime I wanted to. One time we were talking and he was trying to remove his coat and he was so engaged with me and staring at me that he couldn’t focus to remove his coat and he said, “Damn, I’m all fucked up today.”

How do you know that you’re in love? Can you prove that he loves you? What signs does he give to you to make you think that he is in love?

We were in the sanctuary and we just stared at each other for over a minute with intense eye contact (‘bedroom eyes’) and he mimicked my body language as if our bodies/torsos were in sync. He described his old girlfriends and their description was the exact same as my description, down to hair and eye color and interests. He’d follow me after our meetings until I turned down a side street. He got noticeably quiet when I’d talk about my past lives and he even chastised me for having a long term boyfriend. I broke up with the guy and anytime he was mentioned Fr would say, “I bet he just wants to have sex with you! That’s what he wants is sex! If you talk to him, he’s going to think that you’ll have sex with him!” Sex, sex, sex!

Was he in competition then with your male friend?

I brought 4 people to my baptism. A married couple, an older lady, and my friend Eric. He made it a point to talk to them and engage them in conversation, all except Paul. He did not even shake his hand but he shook my other guests hands. He wouldn’t even look at Paul and was extremely cold, to the point that my other guests asked me what Fr Alex issue was with Paul. He was baptizing another person on the same night as my baptism and he didn’t even go speak to the other persons guests. He ignored them. He spent 20 minutes after with me & my guests though, totally unsolicited.

Abigail is one of our readers who have the courage to publish her story. There is no place for judgement on our blog. Let’s see what God is telling us through another love story which involves a priest. In the meantime, being a new comer to the Catholic Faith, let’s pray that Abigail won’t loose her faith in God and the church!

Due to a shortage in romantic stories, we are presenting a study about religious behaviour in one single country. Malta (Europe) used to be a bastion for other Catholic Countries. Yet the tide of secularisation has arrived swiftly. Old people can surely feel the great changes which have taken place, the one most noticeable is the attending of the Sunday Mass.

Married priesthood can be an asset in the sense that having teenagers growing up in one’s family, one notices a great difference the way they interact with God, prayer, morality etc……it’s no easy task to talk to your own teenagers!!!! Yet the daddy priest would be in a better place to understand what’s going on with today’s young generation. We insist that the married priest would present a different agenda on how to work with people in the parish. Surely most young people feel alienated from the parish. There is rarely an activity going on the parish which is done in order to attract the young ones.

Before we present the sociological results, we wish to make clear some points which otherwise would not be understood. The study was done during Lent. In Malta Lent has some cultural importance as it is reflected in ways people live their spirituality. One of the most visible signs is the popular Good Friday procession in the street where it’s part and parcel of the local culture. One priest says more people come to church during this day, then Good Friday! Such is the strong pull of Our Lady on the Maltese population.

A quick look at the capital city one notices the tall and strong walls surrounding it. The idea was to keep other people from entering the city. In some sense, it still conveys the same idea. In fact nobody gave the news that the Pope might call married men for priesthood! In Malta shockingly we still keep some news out from circulation. On the same lines, nobody tells the people that once a priest, always a priest. They are still brainwashed that a priest who decides to change job/vocation is considered as ‘ex’ or in other words considered not to be a priest any longer.

Another European issue is getting much attention, that is the issue of legal and illegal migrants, terrorism and the blackmailing of Muslims, all have contributed to the people to return to the church. In other words it’s like in a war: more people would return to church just because they are afraid!

Notwithstanding all this, a very high percentage is in favour of married priests. Though we are just under the 50%, yet those against are mostly over 50s. Consequently the tide in favour of married priests in this conservative Catholic country is gaining momentum too!

If there is something which is common to all people, then that would be relationships. Nobody was born in a vacuum. In many cases one was born by the act of love of two people. At least one adult took care of her/him. He/she learned the basics of a relationship.

A relationship starts when we meet people. We get to know the name; where one lives; where one works etc…..The more sharing of information takes place, the more it makes one’s relationship deeper.

Why are thinking about relationships in this Easter week? First of all, it was the most tragic week for the apostles. They saw Jesus doing incredible miracles (like waking up the dead, walking on water, giving sight to blind people…). Yet all of a sudden they witnessed His death. Their relationship with Jesus seemed to stop forever. They lost all hope of changing the fate of the Jewish people. The Romans were still there. What has changed then?

The unmarried priest is nowadays sent from one parish to another. He has barely time to come to grips with the situation, when suddenly he is moved to another parish. His timetable is surely packed 200%. He sees people just to administer sacraments, give his ‘expert’ opinion about the spiritual life….and that’s it. At the end of the day he is all alone. Who knows about his internal struggles and loneliness? Can he be the shepherd and show fragility? Will the parish community see him as a holy priest albeit with personal difficulties and sins?

We repeat, it’s not the urge to have sex which drives a priest beyond of what is expected of him. It is rather this emptiness to belong to someone. The feeling of being a parcel at the post office which is being sent from one place to another with no emotional attachment! Belonging is something which makes part of the human being. One may call it a basic human need.

We have heard countless priests telling their own stories. These priests are saints. They are fighting a huge battle which most people do not understand. We simply pay attention when ‘sex’ comes in the story. Most journalists are not interested in what happened before or after!

How can a priest, who is not in relationship, speak to us about a relationship with a hidden and unseen God? We can understand the difficulty of the apostles who have been sitting next to Jesus and who all of a sudden was gone. But what about people who have never seen God? How can we nurture a true and deep relationship with our God?

We can’t live without one single, significant relationship. Now this is the achilles heel in the priest’s life. He does not belong to anybody in the parish. He can easily bury the problem by adding more work. Some might indulge in heavy drinking or smoking. Others might go travelling around the world in the most exotic resorts! Some of them invite women to their bed. The latter are the ones who make news items really interesting!!!

It’s a vicious circle because actually they are looking for a full time relationship. Yet in their early years in the seminary (the place where young candidates for priesthood are educated), they were lectured (or bombarded) by the message that any relationship is wrong! In some places, priests remember the advice in order not to talk to a woman alone! The only exception is during confession!!!!

Partially it explains the hot and cold attitude of the priest when getting a deep relationship. It’s something that he has no experience of yet he feels helpless. Most probably he wants to run away until the feeling of not belonging comes in again and he starts all over again.

The eternal truth is that one can’t be in a true, lasting relationship if it’s not a deep one! So it explains a lot about the odd behaviour of the priest!! He wants one thing without the other…which is humanely impossible.

When we speak in favour of married priesthood, we are changing all this. Now priests too are people who aren’t in favour of change especially when it touches their deeper self being! They need their time to understand what’s involved and why.

We should present our married priesthood not simply as a solution to avoid sex scandals! But it’s an answer to a deep yearning for inner peace. Any human being needs to be loved, taken care of, and to feel secure with one person who knows him/her inside out.

In the present life, both in the parish and outside (the rest of the population), love and sex have been taken out from a relationship. In that case the relationship dies a natural death. It’s no wonder that some women complain that they are being used as an object! Sex would be simply the meeting of two ‘foreign’ bodies! Love would be translated as simply touching the outside layer of the person (the body).

One of the advantages of married priesthood would be that they would be in a better shape to guide, coach and train other people in how to nourish properly a relationship! Let’s hope that the Risen Christ would guide us to have better relationships by having the example of the married priest!