Things That Should Not Exist But Do

William (Lord) Saletan is the official ladyparts correspondent for the highly contrarian Slate, in which capacity he generally advises the ladies to employ their ladyparts in ways that do not frighten the horses, give him the tinglies in his nether places, or severely inconvenience the godbotherers who stalk doctors and glue their heads to the doors of medical clinics. What the hell. It's a living.

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But now he's ventured beyond his comfort zone. And my comfort zone. And your comfort zone. And the comfort zone of any terrestrial creature since the dawn of fcking time. Did someone actually sit around the Slate offices and think, "What can we do that will really shake things up? I know, let's have Will write about S&M. No, for realz!" Gaze in awe, people. It's The Story Of O-Christ-What-A-Terrible-Idea.

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Is S&M going mainstream? It looks that way. Twenty to 30 years ago, surveys suggested 10 to 15 percent of Americans had tried it at least once. Five to 10 percent had engaged occasionally in BDSM-an umbrella term for bondage, dominance/submission, and sadomasochism. Fewer embrace it as a lifestyle or identity: Even in big cities, attendance at BDSM conventions is said to be only 1,500 to 2,000.

But in the last year, the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy has sold more than 65 million copies. The membership of FetLife, a social networking site for BDSM enthusiasts, has doubled to nearly 2 million. Sales of books andequipment have increased. So has attendance at BDSM events. BDSM-related Internet searches (domination, master,sex slave, sadism) went up 70 to 80 percent. College groups devoted to "kink," largely BDSM, gained official recognition at Tufts and Harvard. Pillars of the media establishment-ABC, Fox News, the New York Times-are exploring the rise of kink in unflinching detail.

The above data set proves the following: 1) I should have gotten rich writing elderly housewife porn instead of this stuff; 2) People live rich, full, and marginally weird virtual lives; 3) The Internet continues to be a great delivery device for naughty things; 4) Some colleges find interesting uses for the student activity fees, and 5) Some newspaper editors are very bored. None of these things is particularly surprising.

Will goes on to explain that this is not going to be like accepting The Gay because there is pain involved and, therefore, some level of danger which "society," on whose delicate behalf Will has crusaded for his entire public career, will frown.

To start with, BDSM isn't an orientation. It's a lifestyle. In the words of one aficionado, "It's not who you love, it's how you love." That makes it much more reasonable to limit this kind of sexual expression. It's hard to hide the fact that you're in a lesbian relationship. But it's not hard to hide the fact that you like to tie up your girlfriend. You can bring her to the office holiday party. You just can't bring her on a leash.

I have got to get out more.

The point of the whole column gets lost in a cacophony of oh-weird-icky, but there's not a dime's worth of proof in either Saletan's work, or in the links he provided, that the BDSM community is anything more than some folks getting together on line, in private clubs, or in private homes. What should society's sanction be? Saletan doesn't say. He just reassures his readers that, if they're appalled, that just means they're normal, and that they should feel free to tell Aunt June that she can't tie her slave, Wendell, to the chair again this Thanksgiving while tormenting him with the melon baller. These piece isn't outrageous, It's just pointless. What's truly terrifying, however, is the first line in it.