When shit happens, is it really shit? (pt.1)

That quote in introduction literally means « shit happens » in Latin. I find it amusing because here in France we have a proper expression when something completely insane and/or unwanted just happened. We’re used to say « J’en perds mon latin » (I lost my latin). It suggests that you can’t make any sense out of a situation, that you can’t figure it out. And the reason I’m drawing this parallel with this idiom is because I believe we should really ask ourselves more often: what is the sense of crap?

Ok well, sounds weird, lemme explain.

Those who know me from the days I was performing with my old folk metal band know I kind-of underwent some sort of fracture in my life and been forced to operate some serious changes in my life if I wanted to keep going. In this article, I will only talk about bad stuff that happened to me related to life goals and delusions. In a future second post on the same subject I will talk about how bad toxic relationships can destroy you at first and make you stronger/watchful afterwards.

“Life happens. Shit happens. And it happens a lot. To a lot of people.” ― Colleen Hoover, Slammed

Have you ever been involved into a X-years-long project, something so much precious to you that you can work on it all day long until it thoroughly leeches your soul and make you explode? (warning: I’m not suggesting this is a good thing to do, we’ll talk about that in a future article).

I wish there was a CTRL + Z command with an infinite historical buffer in real life, to be able to go back in time and do completely different choices (or even just make some) and see what would happen in a new scenario. This used to be quite a recurrent skirmish with myself because I wholly SUCK AT MAKING CHOICES.

However at a certain point of my life I realised that If you’re not the one who makes choices, life will automatically pick up someone else to do it. And there are great chances that the overall outcome won’t be pleasant if you keep letting everyone else decide for you. Your direction, your path, your choices. Or else you walk the path of someone else.

“Fuck your advice, I walk the path of the psycho.“ ― Dope D.O.D

I personally have always wanted to move forward, but only in my very own fields of expression, the ones where I was actually able to make small choices. I truly believed I was doing right with my occupations and that things would be ok if I kept doing it, like anything but my passion would do the job. But it can’t be more wrong because even if nothing bad happens, the more you stay in your easy position, the less you’ll be likely to experience what life really is. Who would ever want to stay in the same place from day 1 to doom’s day?

That makes me recall one of my most recent #headbutts: late 2012 saw the beginning of a long series of delusions regarding the project I was building and swaggering with. After numerous stage experiences (with some really cool metal bands such as Turisas, Korpiklaani, Equilibrium, Suidakra, Trollfest, Decapitated, Aborted, etc.), two EPs/full length albums and 4 different line-up later, the project started to slow down.

There could be several reasons why you’re experiencing a shipwreck but I think my responsibility was not to erect a draft as the main shit of my life. You know, like when you think you’re doing awesome but then you realise you’ve spent more than 20 hours on (-> insert anything pointless you’d do instead of being productive) last week and forgot about practicing your instrument/painting/3d-modeling/cooking/whatever your thing is. My responsibility was to work harder, seek for knowledge and keep training if I wanted to presume I was the guy of one project.

There’s a funny fact related to this particular way of thinking. About a year before this period, I graduated from a music school and my jazz tutor used to tell us that he had no plan B. He had no other plans than music and this is why he locked himself 8 hours a day learning every classics from « The Real Book » (a famous ressource for musicians) during countless years. By some occasions, when some of us did step into his course without being on point with last week’s homeworks, he would simply say stuff like « oh, well that’s okay if you have other plans besides music » and we would feel so friggin guilty about it.

Anyway, back to it, 2013 saw the climax of quite a destructive ‘burn out’ but I kept going and worked on an ultimate release for my band. At that time I was also dispensing private guitar lessons as well as looking for jobs in my region to be able to sustain and remain physically close to my pals/teammates.

On top of that, the final CD we had been releasing with my band pretty much got ignored by our wonted supports (webzines, promoters and even fans). I’d still be 100% ok with the presumption that I did a shitty work on this album but the fact is that no-one actually told us it was bad. The band was just not appealing anymore and we had probably lost it but it will always remain a mystery for me. Whatever.

I got to move from Paris the same year to begin a new life somewhere far away from there and, at first, I perceived it as a total disaster. Because I was losing everything I had built and known for 10 years in terms of relationships; love/friendship and projects. But there are some other things I also left behind… but It took me a hell of a workout to acknowledge it. Obviously I was also letting go routines, immobilism and a substantial lack of perspectives.

On the other side, here are some cool thingsI earned by experiencing hardships:

– I found courage to create new projects for myself and rebuild something from scratch.

– I can now work faster than I ever did before because I made time to get to know and improve my workflow following a step-by-step process.

– I took the chance to learn and am still training my English comprehension/reading/speaking on a daily basis to communicate with an audience (yeah, like you bruh).

– I met incredible people, IRL and online, that I would have never met If I stayed in the exact same spot I used to live in by the past.

– I cleaned up my closet with some of my relatives/former enemies and ended at least 3 of my most toxic relationships. (Currently writing down a sort of ‘method’ for that one.)

– I got to know the concept of ‘love at first sight’ and am currently aiming to be the healthiest version of myself to make it work.

I ultimately and basically learned from my crap. Because this is what happens when shit happens. What’s the sense of crap? It is here to challenge you, to move you hard until you change your perspectives, until you learn how to be resilient and operate massive changes.

If you’re constantly trying to please everyone with phrases like « oh, idk, as you wish » you won’t be leading your own life towards new challenging/enjoyable experiences. In most cases you will just get stuck without even accomplishing what makes you alive, what you’re made for. Don’t let you suffer from inaccurate scenarios resulting from you walking on someone else’s vow. You may want to start deciding, not only for yourself but also sometimes for others. I’m not talking about imposing on everyone around you but just like to dare suggesting things to do/try out instead of waiting for someone to take the lead because someone has to do it. I think that this is a very good exercise and that if you practice this on very simple everyday tasks you will start developing some unsuspected new skills and earn confidence.

What is the real curse after all?

Not doing is, in the long run, much more damaging than actually make choices and maybe fail. Failure is good for you. If you’re interested in reading some personal notes about this subject, check out my previous post: Motivation Mindset.