labyssum Wrote:My friend who has feelings for me is always trying to hit on me, I've already made it clear I don't want a boyfriend, and if he tries to hit on me again, I will probably break down in tears. :cry:

I'm seeing him tonight...*nervous*.

Did everything go alright labyssum?

Why do dogs bark?

They are not barking, they are talking in dog. Obviously you don't understand the language.

Yes. Things went ok, thanks for asking! =D I will just keep it clear that I only want to be friends...I'm always nervous that he'll hit on me, but I will just have to deal with it if it happens...and try not to freak out. :roll:

Your fear of intimacy is a very common fear that has many different causes. Mainly, we see this fear when it is related to body confidence and self esteem. for example in people suffering from anorexia nervosa. I think that therapy, for example counselling would benefit you in this situation. this is because it may not be an issue that causes problems everyday but does occur and therefore, your fear can be looked at critically. For example what exactly are you fearing. physical contact? personal feelings? there may be one or many more problems causing this fear. You mentioned that you were abused when you were younger and therefore but not always, the fear may stem from this. There is more that can be done, dont under-estimate the effectiveness of your local gp service.

mentalhealthnurse Wrote:Mainly, we see this fear when it is related to body confidence and self esteem. for example in people suffering from anorexia nervosa.

There again there is a strong possibility that environmental factors such as sexual abuse and the unrealistic portrayal of woman in the fashion industry play a role in anorexia nervosa. As usual the French appear to have a far better understanding of the female psyche than the British medical profession... :roll:

Why do dogs bark?

They are not barking, they are talking in dog. Obviously you don't understand the language.

Quote: There again there is a strong possibility that environmental factors such as sexual abuse and the unrealistic portrayal of woman in the fashion industry play a role in anorexia nervosa. As usual the French appear to have a far better understanding of the female psyche than the British medical profession... :roll:

yes i dont disagree with you on this one?? simply stating where intimacy fears can be seen most and offering an example.[quote]

I'm sorry about your problems. I havent been abused but at the same time (i guess its the social phobia) i have a problem with cuddling like my mum and stuff, and the thought of kissing someone just yet scares me

Thanks for your concern! happy3 My friend seems to have gotten the point..I think. He tried to hold my hand and I told him it made me uncomfortable, and I brought up my desire to be single again.lol. Akward. :shock:

labyssum Wrote:Thanks for your concern! happy3 My friend seems to have gotten the point..I think. He tried to hold my hand and I told him it made me uncomfortable, and I brought up my desire to be single again.lol. Akward. :shock:

If he really likes ya he will prefer to have ya as a friend than loose ya altogther ssmile then again when ya really like someone its hard just to give up so to speak as ya cant just file ya feelings away unfortantley,that said if a girl says no it means no specialy when it comes down to physical space so yeah like dreamer said dont let him keep pushing you.

Sorry to hear you had it hard and suffered what ya did when you were younger i was only mentaly abused,bullied or mistreated however ya wanna put it when i was younger and that had its effects.And like dreamer i have problems being affectionate with my mum despite the fact we get on now.It actualy kinda repulses me i cant stand it that bad ssad despite i do love ma mum its confusing.I never liked being kissed or touched when i was younger phsyicaly, hugs ect but being 22 im ok now i actualy really like affection,sex is still an issue tho... like you said i just dont have any intrest i love affection so much more,but that has changed with the girl im with now ssmile so maybe it will with you when the times right or you meet the right person.

labyssum Wrote:Thanks for your concern! happy3 My friend seems to have gotten the point..I think. He tried to hold my hand and I told him it made me uncomfortable, and I brought up my desire to be single again.lol. Akward. :shock:

yeah that must be kind of awkward to have to keep telling him that you dont want a boyfriend :| But if you dont lay down the rules he'll keep pushing and you dont need that especialy not with your past and the fact you have issues with getting too close with people

But like Danny said if he really does like/love you then he will prefer to be friends rather than upset you by pushing you.

Labby,
Does your friend know about your issues? I understand if you don't want to share these things with him, but if you feel comfortable doing so, he will be more inclined to understanding your point of view.

It is probably extra confusing for him considering the fabric of the dating scene. Guys are kind of programmed to believe that sometimes women will flirt with us by telling us they aren't interested. Sometimes to a male, that can be an indication to try harder.

Like I said, it is totally understandable if you don't feel comfortable being open with him about it, but if you can, it might help you.

Words Waywith Wrote:Labby,
Does your friend know about your issues? I understand if you don't want to share these things with him, but if you feel comfortable doing so, he will be more inclined to understanding your point of view.

It is probably extra confusing for him considering the fabric of the dating scene. Guys are kind of programmed to believe that sometimes women will flirt with us by telling us they aren't interested. Sometimes to a male, that can be an indication to try harder.

I know! Thats what I'm scared of. ssurprised He doesn't know about my issues...I can't really bring myself to explain to him. If he tries to hit on me again though, I will have to tell him. It seriously makes me sick to my stomach thinking about anyone being intimate with me.

Thanks for the posts. Its so nice to have support on an issue like this.

I definitely see how you can have anxiety about this.
The ironic thing is that admitting you have a fear of intimacy is in itself a gesture of intimacy! That is quite a conflict to try to resolve within yourself.

Hopefully he gets the point, because it could end up putting a strain on your friendship, if he continues to pursue you and you continue to withdraw. Hopefully if you have to admit your fear to him, you can look back on it as a sign of progress in the bigger picture of overcoming your fear.