I liked that Molly featured a lot in this story, as she’s rather neglected in most of the next gen stories, and if she does feature, she seems to be a clone of Percy. So I liked the fact that she and Dom seemed quite good friends, as they usually seem to be bitter enemies, in most of the stories I’ve read.

I did feel at times that your punctuation use could be revised. ‘best friend/almost sister’, I feel that a comma would look a better instead, as it doesn’t interfere as much with the flow. Also Dom says ‘I am’, it may appear minor, but it would flow so much better with ‘I’m’, instead :) Also you used a double question mark at times, it just makes the writing appear more informal by doing that, so if you removed one, it would look more formal and professional:)

I rather liked what you did to Teddy in this story, as it was rather funny to see him dark and bitter, instead of his usual calm and happy self. I thought that was a good idea to do, as it added some freshness to a rather well done plot line.

It was almost scary how possessive Teddy got over Dom, but then again, it was nice twist, as it’s usually Dom who’s the clingy one. I liked that she was the one who wanted to change her life, and not be ‘the other woman’. One CC about that, it would have been nice to perhaps know how it had started, as Teddy was so possessive, it would have been more fitting to have a story behind it as well.

I thought that was interesting twist to the usual Dom/Teddy/Victoire plot, and I rather liked it. The one main thing I would say is to proof read first, as though the mistakes weren’t too distracting, they did disrupt the flow at times.

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: Hey Kiana!

Thanks for the swap =)

I am glad you liked the story! I will look at the grammar problems that you pointed out =)

Oo yah haha well I kinda didn't want to develop the past since it kinda gives you free reign over what might have happened.