Crafty (kind of), baker-y (sometimes), funny as hell (always)

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Monthly Archives: November 2013

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Because I’m in Germany this year, Thanksgiving was a little different. Karin and I hosted dinner for twelve people which is way beyond what I’ve contributed to the Thanksgivings of years past. Her and I spent some of Wednesday and all of Thursday creating this amazing meal. Because I’m me, I kept a running log throughout the process.

Tuesday
4:07 PM – I’m crafty as fuck so I just produced this gem:

Would’ve been nice to remember that America and Canada are the ONLY two countries in the world that use 8.5×11 as their standard paper size, but oh well.

Wednesday
7:05 PM – Just made the fourth Thanksgiving-related trip to the store. Two of those have happened within the last hour.

9:30 PM – Decided that one of the many reasons I find giblets horribly disgusting is that they’re called giblets which is a horribly disgusting word. Also, I find it gross because that shit is just gross.

Thursday
7:30 AM – Woke up at 7:30 and briefly contemplated ways to cancel Thanksgiving because 7:30 should only exist in PM form.

8:10 AM – Stuffed the CRAP out of that bird. Yeah. That turkey knows what’s up.

10:35 AM – Discovered I’m growing a massive zit in my ear and proceeded to feel blinding pain after discovering it. TMI? This is Thanksgiving, people. No such thing as TMI in a time like this. I put it ALL on the table. (That was a Thanksgiving pun, my friends.)

10:42 AM – Realized my day is nowhere near as busy as I thought it would be. Like, I have things to do, but they don’t really have to do with Thanksgiving. So…I guess I’ll go take a shower.

11:04 AM – Finished the cupcakes. Other than my sudden inability to make a frosting with the right consistency that has plagued me since coming here, they seem pretty legit.

11:30 AM – Perfected (almost) my homemade eggnog. I have a great recipe, but I really like the store bought taste. Classy, I know. I found out this flavor can be achieved by adding in lots of rum flavoring and sugar. Thanks, internet! Side note: Thanks to having to taste said eggnog 57 times while fiddling with it, I got a stomach ache because sometimes enough is enough. Even when it comes to eggnog.

12:30 PM – Finally took a shower because for the love of God…ew.

1:15 PM – Ate lunch because lunch is great. As is Karin, the woman that keeps me fed on the reg.

2:05 PM – Peeled a lot of potatoes and cut up a lot of pumpkin.

3:07 PM – Realize that people who host Thanksgiving dinner without having everyone bring a dish (like my family does at home) are unsung holiday heroes. It’s 3:00 in the afternoon and I’m tired as hell and Karin is either tired too and amazing at hiding it, or she’s Superwoman. Either is a viable possibility.

4:00 PM – Set the table like a badass. That shit had tablecloths, fall colored napkins, the cornily adorable card shown above, and some festive ass candles.

4:17 PM – Nothing. I’m doing nothing. I’m drinking a cup of coffee I’m ready for bed and dinner is still five hours away. I AM AN ADULT. THIS SHOULDN’T BE SO HARD.

7:30 PM – The time is nearly here. Still a decent amount of food to cook since a lot of stuff only takes a little while to cook. But everything is pretty damn ready for when the time comes. The turkey is doing great, that little trooper.

9:00 PM – People come. General merriment ensues.

10:30 PM – I keep thinking of things to write in my Thanksgiving timeline. Shit is getting REAL SENTIMENTAL in my head right now.

11:17 PM – I am now certain I’m thankful for every single thing everywhere.

11:48 PM – Wine is good.

12:57 AM – People have left. I’m kind of drunk. So happy about my life. I love everything.

1:30 AM – Time to skype my sister because that’s the thing to do when you’re a little drunk, tired, and full of the holiday spirit.

Friday
10:32 AM – I feel like I’ve died and this is the sad leftovers of what I once was. (Note: I was not THAT drunk. I just have a tendency to get really, really bad hangovers.)

1:30 PM – Karin made an awesome lunch. I slept on the couch while she and Sophia enjoyed it.

7:22 PM – Karin made me the food they had for lunch because she’s the best person on the entire planet. I’m still thankful for life.

Final notes: I tried really hard to make this post only funny and not mushy. That got really hard because honestly this is the most special Thanksgiving I think I’ve ever had. Mine at home are always nice, but this one just meant so much more because Karin and I created it together and even though it’s only an American holiday I had a houseful of wonderful Germans here to celebrate the crap out of it. Karin, if you happen to read this, what I am crazy thankful for this Thanksgiving is you. And I mean that in the most mushy, gushy, sentimental way possible.

Oprah has just released her list of favorite things for 2013 and under each product was a quote from her. Some of the quotes explained what the product was while others told just why it was she loved this product so much. After perusing the list I was left with the feeling that A) I want everything on that stupid list and B) Oprah doesn’t know much about how other people live these days. Not hating, just observing. I compiled a list of things on the list that made me realize this truth.

Reasons that we know Oprah means well but is actually 100% out of touch with the real world:

Her body wash costs $75 (for 6.8fl oz).

She has a $400 tablet that is solely used for cooking. All it has on it are recipes. I’m pretty sure they make books that do that. Like just regular books.

She has a $400 pillow with her dogs face on it. But I mean, this one is kiiiiind of worth it. The dogs face is printed on Belgian linen so…

She said this, “What do you get for the dog who has everything?” That’s only a problem for you, Oprah. Most people’s dogs just about die/pee any time you give them a toy. Or a bone. Or a friendly glance. Or just a glance.

All of her knives are handmade in Italy, created by a single artisan. I don’t mean like all the knives in her knife block. I mean just the regular ones that you cut your chicken with. Does Oprah eat chicken? Chicken seems really middle class to me for some reason.

Oprah considers earrings that are $220 awesome because “[t]hey look much more expensive than they actually are.” Scoreeeeee

Oprah’s jewelry box costs $300. My jewelry box? A bowl.

Oprah has a stationary set that costs $300. She likes stationary because, “E-mails are incredibly convenient, but they’ll never replace the real thing.” Now, I tend to agree with that. But my handwritten letters tend more to be written on notebook paper so…yeah.

Oprah said this: “Don’t you just hate when you’re at a dinner party and[…].” Doesn’t even matter what came next.

One of Oprah’s favorite things is a $100 mediation CD. Nothing really remarkable there. Except that it’s HER OWN meditation CD. Apparently even Oprah can’t resist plugging her own stuff. Respect.

Oprah seems like a cool enough lady and if she was offering me anything (and I mean anything) off that list I’d be super pumped but come on…$75 for body wash? It takes a gargantuan mental struggle and five minutes in the soap aisle at the grocery store to decide if I should splurge and get Dove or just cheap out and get Dial. I usually get the Dial.

Just in case you’d like to see the list for yourself and revel in all the stuff you can’t afford: look it over here.

Karin, my host mom of sorts, had her big 50th birthday celebration last weekend. While there weren’t a ton of English speakers there, there were a handful that I got to speak with. I was talking to a gentleman and his girlfriend and they were trying to explain to me that he was Sophia’s godfather. They described to me the person who pledges to raise the child in the way of God, if the parents cannot. I naturally responded with, “Godfather.” The man’s eyes widened noticeably and a wondrous smile broke over his face as he said, “I’M the godfather?!” Ahh I think that moment may have been my favorite from the whole weekend…