Ask a Guy: How Do I Get Him to Chase Me Again?

Two months ago, I was dating a guy for like a month and he was after me like crazy. At the time, I thought he and I wouldn’t work out, so I rejected him.

We had some turmoil in between and I thought I wouldn’t hear from him again. Then he initiated contact saying that he’s happy we are still friends and we kind of talked on and off for another week or so.

He invited me to an event he was throwing and after that we started talking almost everyday. Here’s the tricky part: Now he doesn’t call me as much and when we text he sometimes leaves me hanging mid-conversation.

I have started to really like him and I feel like I screwed things up by rejecting him at the start. How can I get him to start chasing me again?

I will answer your question in regards to “getting him to chase you,” but I think it would be worthwhile to do a self-check as to what you’re really after here.

When he was pursuing you, you felt like you had control and could choose whether or not you wanted him around. At that time, you chose to reject him. You came back together and over time, things changed. He gradually started acting differently and as a result, you’re much more interested in him now than you were in the beginning.

In other words, he learned how to act if he wants to get rejected by you and he learned how to act if he wants you to chase him. If I were in his position, I would continue acting in the way that has you chasing.

I mean, think about it. He tried it one way, it probably felt terrible to him and ultimately got him rejected. So based on that experience, he would probably make a conscious, willful effort not to get back into that position with you again.

First, guys don’t chase things that they don’t think they have to chase. That is, if we know that we have you, there’s no need to chase. To build on that, if we feel that you are acting in a way that is intended to make us chase, we’ll remember it. Everyone resents being deliberately manipulated.

On the other hand, a woman who has a total wall up will not get guys to chase her. There needs to be hope and signs that we have a shot with the girl and that being with her would be incredible, even though it won’t be easy.

So what’s my clear and simple advice on having a guy chase you (or having a guy chase you again)?

Don’t make him the center of your attention. It’s fine to be interested, but when you cross the line between interest and obsession, you run the risk of sending out that “needy” vibe. And people are inherently repelled by neediness, especially unjustified neediness.

Keep busy. If you are busy with the rest of your life, you have less of a chance obsessing over him.

Keep your mind under control. It’s not easy, but guys know when you’ll bend over backwards at the drop of a hat. The more that you obsess over him, the more likely you’ll repel him.

Now I know there are going to be people reading this and saying things like, “Why all the games” or “If he’s a real man he’d blah blah blah” or “If he’s the right guy, you don’t need to worry about neediness, etc. etc.”

To a point, I agree with them. This whole “game” thing doesn’t apply after two people get by their own crap.

But that’s the trick. You can’t always expect that the other person is going to be in exactly the place mentally that you want them to be in. You do, however, have tremendous power over how you think and act.

The problem with neediness isn’t actually a problem with how you interact with other people. It’s a problem with how you interact with yourself – it just manifests itself in a way that repels people and therefore becomes a relationship problem.

I can’t say specifically why he is leaving you hanging, but I can tell you that when I’ve done it it’s because something else more pressing came up. It was nothing personal against the girl… I just had a lot going on and I put off responding until I had a free moment… and that free moment never came.

But again, there’s no way that you or I could know for sure. The best thing that we can do when we’re in this kind of situation is not take it personally.

It is possible that if you don’t chase him he won’t come back, but it’s much more likely that if you do chase him he won’t come back either. I mean, think of how you thought of him when he was chasing you hard at the beginning. He felt like an option and not an opportunity you needed to grab right away.

This is all my opinion based on what you’re saying, but I can tell you I’ve seen this type of thing before. It’s not easy, but in pretty much every case the best thing to do is to not chase and to not take it personally.

That’s not to say you should be cold or anything, but it definitely wouldn’t hurt to relax, get some distance from the situation and give him some space to come to you.

You might also find this quiz helpful – take the “Is He Losing Interest?” Quiz to figure out what’s going on in his head and if there’s actually an issue, the quiz will tell you what to do about it.

I hope this article gave you clarity on how to deal with things if you feel like he stopped chasing you and you want him to show he cares about you. If you’re getting the sense that he’s losing interest, or pulling away, then you need to read this next article right now so you don’t risk losing him for good: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...

Also, did you know that there is one pivotal moment in a relationship that basically determines your fate as a couple? At some point the guy will ask himself: Is this the woman I want to settle down with? Do you know what inspires a man to commit, as opposed to seeing a woman as just a fling? If not, read this next: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman

Im a guy and all this b.s. i see online about women chasing men is a big no no is complete b.s.

Men and Women both want a partner they can trust , at a certain point both genders been hurt and lost trust in others so people shut down or put up walls , afraid , guarded, so forth.
Its hard for Men to pursue women and society has it today theres a thin line between showing to much interest and or acting stupid ( playing games) well let me tell you when you read articles like this play stupid games win stupid prizes!!!
If you like a guy you let him know , act normal and be yourself NO GAMES ….NO MINIPULATION!! Men get hip to that type of treatment real quick thats a turnoff , Guy will never trust you again, not everybody is gonna match up but if your honest about who you are and hes not its simple you move on NO GAMES! If you want to call him then call him! If you like him then tell him! If he acts like an a&$ then hes not the guy its that simple but never hold back and DO NOT PLAY HARD TO GET unless your YOUR SUPER UGLY and thats all you got because only men interested in flings and sex have time and patients for waiting around because he has others you become the toy….SO NO HARD TO GET unless your willing to get played early on or soon enough…
Be you and show what you want if hes not into it eventually youll find somebody who will be chances are it will be someone you yjought you would never had liked in the first place…Pay NO aatention to these b.s. artibles their confusing women ….people play yo many games as it is…..show your cards and take it easy thsts all there isvto it.

My boyfriend of 3 years (we broke up for a while but both decided we wanted to work on things again) recently started talking to other girls on tinder. Claiming to just be chatting because he’s bored. He had me read the messages and they are completely innocent but I’m still not okay with it solely due to it being on tinder a dating/hookup website. How do I get him to stop? He’s also recently been making decisions on things he knows will upset me and does it anyways. And now has started lying or hiding it. I find out every time yet he still does it! How do I make him stop? I don’t want to have to leave (it also makes it difficult as we have a business together). What do i do!! I need some serious help here. I’m so hurt and confused.

If he doesn’t stop doing something that you reasonably don’t want him to do then he doesn’t respect you. Obviously he is shopping around for a different girlfriend. If he is hiding anything at all from you then clearly this situation is now a joke. If he shakes his habits and wises up and decides to be a real man who takes pride in his woman and his commitment to her, then he is not worth the hurt and confusion. I would get out of that situation.

Any advice for those of us who are heading for a long distance Facebook relationship?.. It sounds crazy as I write it… I am quite close to a guy I went to school with, he had invited me on a trip in a few months and we agree that we think about each other all the time
He has had some profound losses in his life, one being his son..He realises that sometimes he runs hot and cold on communication and I don’t push it..He said he was trying not to feel guilty about being happy, due to his closeness with me, because his son isn’t alive and I can understand that to a degree.. I just wish he would be a little less distant at times. Other times we talk for hours and send each other songs…I am totally confused.. He says he doesn’t want to be single forever.. Help! I don’t want to push him away. Thanks.

I dated a guy for about 4 months the first month was absolutely amazing we saw each other every day until 3-4 in the morning sometimes 7 am in the morning . Well I would wait until my kids were asleep then have him come over and we would hang outside. Fast forward I told him one time that I hate over thinking. He told me I had no reason to over think that this past month he has had some pretty strong feelings for me , he doesn’t want a thing to change between us he had just a lot on his plate. Well four days later we were texting about certain things and I asked him if he would ever tell me if he was loosing Interest (he is a pretty honest guy) he said ya but he was feeling he didn’t have time for a relationship. Few text after that and had asked where that left us and he said he wasn’t sure yet. But we did they short sweet text for about 2n half weeks without seeing each other when we started to see each other again after that. Well now things are good we see each other 3/4 times during the week . Then all of sudden he becomes distant . But I don’t ask anything , I let him intinate text ect ect. There goes day one without any text the next day I broke and texted how he was doing it was short . The following day nothing. But that next morning he texted me saying. “Good morning so I gotta be honest . I don’t like the way we have been seeing each other and I’ve been ignoring and you , that’s not cool either sorry if that was to blunt but I’m sure you’ve been wondering what’s going on. I wrote him my mind. Hours later that evening he texted me saying ok ok I finally made it home that drive sucked (because he has and is working out of town two hours away from home the whole week) it threw me off because to me I took it like he thought nothing had happened earlier that morning. So I just replied I bet it did. Then an hour later I asked him what he meant he told me that he didn’t want to be in a relationship. Shattered my heart hearing those words again. Twice ! In a four month period when we act totally like a couple have a Costco account together , I made his daughter a big banquet of candy for her graduation. All the couple type things. But when he said those words I was like alright later he said he ” we can still be friends you know, I don’t hate you , it’s not that I don’t like you or anything ” ah I’m in the friend zone ! Then he had asked about his stuff that’s at my house. I told him he would get it. But lately we haven’t had time to meet up to get his stuff back. That’s the only time he will text me is when he gets back home and say he is home when is a good time . Of course I don’t respond right away . But it’s been 2 weekend past later and during the week I don’t hear from him nor do I text him. He did like a picture of my son and I on FB. I don’t know what to do I thought he was the one the connection was so strong ! What can I do ? What actions should I take ?

I was dating on line until finaly we meet we were conected but when I ask him
What type of relation his was looking for …Casual or Stable he become upset and now he doesn’t reply any message or phone call. What is your suggestion? What I should do now?
Ana

I had thought I would try my hand at online dating, didn’t take it very serious and was really just trying to meet some new people and make friends. I had been in contact with one guy who seemed very genuine and explained his situation. He was just trying to do the same and was kind of looking for something a little bit more serious. We got along great and really hit off (this is all over text message of course) He was pretty persistent, constantly texting me for about a week. Then it just got a little strange, he wasn’t texting me as much and seemed a little distant. Therefore I had said something which I really regret kind of calling him out on not having any interest in me anymore. I scared him away and it is obvious we will now never meet in person. Is there any chance in hell I will ever hear from him? Just curious for a man’s honest, unbiased opinion.

Thanks Allie for your story
The same thing has happened to me pretty much.
Have been going over in my head, where or what went wrong.
Its interesting reading a story when you can relate to it
Im just going to move on.
Its hard because you wonder about the possibilities.
All the best

Me too. Just suddenly cold. I figured the chase was complete and the guy decided to go back to his backscratching and boogie picking. They are not all the princes we would like them to be lol! Fortunately this allowed me to find someone better for me.

I been seeing a coworker off and on for the past nine months. I have pushed him away with me trying to play this tough I don’t care role. This sense of I security gets hold of me sometimes when all these women are in his face. He says that’s just how they are, he’s a nice guy. Recently he text me nice messages and I ignored him for two days. I text and call him now there is no response. I’m like what did I do. I don’t know if I pushed him away for good or not. We work together everyday so I will see him, but do I say hello or ignore him and not be to eager. Please please help me.

I hope you didn’t change your job because of a guy who plays games. He is not into you, he knows you will run after him like a love puppy and he enjoys having you at his mercy. He is not worth it. Wipe that smug on his face and stop running after him. Have same self respect lady.

i’ve known this guy for a whilr now but we never really had any contact, we’d just say hi and bye whenever we saw eachother. Last weekend we were at the same party and got along great, and at some point he started kissing me. We saw each other again the next night and wheb i left he tried to kiss me again bit i didn’t exactly let him, amd he told me he would text me. He texted me the same night telling me he thought it was sad i left. we texted for another three days and then i ended the conversation. What happend? I’m 20 and he’s 28. Could that be a deal breaker for him?

I had this guy for 8 months, but we had this huge fight because he told me that her mother dont like me because I came from this place with expensive wage when it comes to marriage although her mother didn’t see me yet I was so angry that she was unfair and judgmental, when I asked my friend about it, they said why should he say that to me, unless he himself making an alibi just to dump me, I was so mad until my anger subsided I replied to his text and he called but he assumed that I still care that is why I contacted him, I was so furious again, I told him that he is not worth it, I always see him online but we dont chat each other, I dont want to chase him

Hey, I use to go out with this guy in gr seven and we hates each other after that but then we slowly got friendlily. Anyway I’m now in gr nine and this guy I’m talking about is on and off on and off we we actually are kind of friends with benefits but everything we did or do means something. We started becoming close again and contact each other when I made the move and gave him my ph number bit he had a gf at the time. We have done some real silly things but where still friends but that’s the problem I dont want friends. Me and him have moments where we have such great times but his mum doesn’t approve of me.. He also said he wants us to happen but he’s worries he will like someone else. I just want to know are we ever gonna happen again?? Oh I don’t have a email haha so to reply would it be okay if you could contact me on facebook. Kali Hathaway Bourne. I know there are alot of others you need to get to but I’m paitent..

Hi there
What to do if you met a guy on holiday nothing happened chemistry was there due to circumstances of the distance you stayed in touch as he gave me his email address now and then nothing serious …. Caught up with him on holiday again talk and talked got on fine he stayed the night but in separate beds as I didn’t feel it was right to sleep with him even though I have strong feelings he was ok with that I did tell him I liked him a lot but I don’t know if I came over needy as he made a comment that made me think so he said Be asured that you are a very special and cool gal. You don’t need anyone to validate you. Don’t forget that. Since then I have returned home an eight hour flight away and he works away from his home too and spends 5 weeks on and off shore … No we still talk now and again he has always been blown hot and cold and he either gives short answers to messages or tge chats ends up with his disire to how sexy he finds me …. He always says he is out having a beer and chasing women so does he have a hidden agenda ? Or is that just plain old him not wanting to talk about anything serious ? I did say to home I would like to come over nearer Christmas and spend some time with him that’s if it was ok and all he could say was …..It sounds like an idea no idea what I’ll be up to by them….and continue to say he thinks I have a gorgeous body val val and it’s time for him to go as he is going out and who knows he might get lucky ? So please tell me under all this confusion going around in my head what am I suppose to make of all of this ?
Kind Regards Val

Sooo I have had three dates with this totally amazing guy on date four he stood me up and didn’t let me know why until the following evening ever since I haven’t heard a thing back. His did have a totally justified reason in the end and apologized. Prior to this I have been the coolest chilled out girl with him like to the extreme but I’ve let him know I’m interested. We have loads in common and get on so well. I text the following morning which was my first mistake as it was a little bit demanding and needy and then one two days later the same and then one in the evening apologizing as I realized I have done the fatal move ever and that was being to keen too soon! Why did I not just say nothing! You do silly things when you like someone I guess. But anyways I still haven’t heard a word from him it’s been a week.
Is there any way possible I can message him again to get his attention? If so how can I do this with out him again thinking I’m physco which I promise im not usually. Just really liked this one :-( is there any way I can claw this one back?! Thanks guys x

So here’s the thing, He’s one of my close friends and I am fond of him. But he does this weird thing of ignoring me every now and then. I didn’t notice is at first but i realized later that he’s actually ignoring me on purpose. I asked him if something is wrong and he’s like nope, so i let it slide. One fine day he ignores me completely and it went on for weeks. Finally I told him to man up and tell me if there is something. He blamed me for not giving him space so I was like wtf, how am I getting into your space we just friends and we hang out and stuff. Lame explanation. Since i didn’t want to fight because of his illogical story I let it slide again. we started talking again. Just as we were getting into our normal routine of chatting and hanging out and talking and small fights. He ignores me again. I am close to his family and he’s a great friend. He can really be mean at times but it doesn’t bother me. I don’t understand his actions, he’s really sweet at times and he can be very rude. I don’t want to lose him as a friend but i can’t put up with his shit anymore. I always try to smooth things out. His lack of communication and maturity is straining a very good friendship. He even went an extra mile to plan a holiday for us to hang out with his folks and he didn’t even speak to me on our entire holiday. He annoys the living hell out of me and I don’t let any of that affect me.

I understand you completely. The guy I like is a total sweetie, though he can be really rude and mean to me at times. He keeps making me feel confused, cuz he has his ups and downs with me. I’ve had a crush for him for like a year already, and during that time, he liked 4 girls, including me. He keeps betraying my secrets just to try to communicate with the other 3 girls, and I find it really annoying. One time, he asked me who his crush liked, and after 2 hours of begging, I told him my guess. He ended up telling the girl that I spread rumors bout her with her ‘crush’. Then he yelled at me for being so mean to his crush. I was so pissed that I swore never to trust him again. However when he turns nicer, I warm up to him, and he slowly gains trust from me again. But then he betrays me multiple times. This cycle has gone over and over again until I suspected that he was really using me. Although he did say he liked me a bit, I feel like he’s lying to me, and is just using my feelings for him to gain information.

I have been with a guy for almost 5 years now. We have been engaged almost two years. We were set to be married May 16 of this year. 3 weeks ago, he just comes out and tells me that he doesn’t want to get married because he has seen all his family and friends marry and end in divorce and he doesn’t want that for us. Since then, every part of our relationship has seemed to slip into the dark. He still expects me to continue on with our relationship as if nothing has happened. Yes I still love him and want to be with him,crazy as it seems. Now, I feel like he’s telling me what he thinks I want to hear. Yes, he loves on me, occasionally, and we are still intimate, he tells me he loves me and all but, I have problem of over thinking things and a MAJOR problem letting my guard down with anyone. Even family. Do you think he really still loves me and I’m just over thinking again or, am I just familiar to him now and he doesn’t want to be alone?

Hi I’ve been with my boyfriend /fiance for 8 years now. We’ve been engaged for a year now and 6 months before put wedding he gets cold feet and starts messaging my best friend /maid of honor and telling her that he feels that she is more compatible with her and enjoys the conversations they have over mine. We decided to take a break and during that time he makes out with her and starts to really get to know her but only to realize that she is not the one he wants and wanted to work it out with me. He has apologized like crazy and explained everything to me. We decided to work things out but we live 4 hours away from each other because I moved in with my parents. I don’t know if he truly wants me or still wants her. I feel that I’m the one who has made the effort to fix things. I drove all the way to where he lives and paid for my hotel room and his parking and everything. I don’t know if I made a mistake or not. I love him so much and we do have an amazing relationship, I just want to feel that he loves me too and really wants to be with me and truly values me.

I met this guy online and he did everything to get my attention, then I gave in and spoke to him, we was meeting for about a month. here’s the annoying part I work a week away and a week at home, when I’m at home everything is great we meet was meeting up going for meals nights in etc. this time while I’m at work he ended it, he said he dose really fancy me and sorry things moved fast he’s not normally like that, he finds it really hard liking someone and not been able to see them much (I also find it hard as well) we spoke on the phone text and stuff but nothing felt the same as when I’m with him but after he said all that he said he didn’t see us going any where and he said it might be because my job. I am changing my working away now as I find it hard which has gotten me down recently. do you think when I’m in my new job he’d be interested in giving it another shot? we had all the chemistry a starting out couple should have and he felt the connection as well. HELP :(

Hi help please
I have been seeing a guy on and off for almost 2 years. I am in love with him but I know he has been only using me. Every time we meet up he keeps in touch for a week or so and then I don’t hear from him for weeks. I always end up making contact with him again and we end up hooking up again. I know how it looks and I know I am just letting myself down by contacting him each time. I haven’t contacted him now with 5weeks. I really hoped he would contact me at Christmas or new year but not a word from him. I miss him so much. I go to evening and weekend classes. I go to gym and meet my friends. But just can’t get him out of my head. I can’t talk to anyone about him because he is already in another relationship he is also much older than me. He is also the first man I have ever been with. It started after my parents died. I had cared for them at home up to when the passed away so had no time to date. I know I was vulnerable when it started. I’m not looking for sympathy just some help in understanding how to deal with this situation. I don’t want to finish the relationship but I want to want to finish it. I think about him every minute of every day. Please don’t judge me. Please help me with gentle advice. Thank you. Joan

Joan I really feel for you! I know what it’s like to be obsessed with a guy but unfortunately, yes he is using you. I’m not sure if he knows about your parents, but if he does, he’s lousy. I think having lost your parents, you latched onto him, he was the first guy for you and now you can’t let go. Obviously I will say you need to let go of him. You have to. But I would recommend some counselling/therapy as losing your parents must have been so difficult and a therapist could help you to work through the grief and help you find the strength to leave this man. Who really isn’t worth your time.

I was with my boyfriend for 4 years. It was a LDR and we made effort to always be in contact and travel back and forth to be with each other. This April he went home and was supposed to be coming back in August to start a school here and start a proper life with me. when he went back his family also decided to move too another state. I know this placed him under alot of pressure. He didn’t have much time to spend with me. We tried to keep contact but I was getting distressed at not seeing him and some major life stuff was happening with me. So I wasn’t happiest at times. In July he finally called it off. Said he doesn’t think we should be romantically connected. He said this with his sister in the car. Then just logged off. He then chose to go no contact on me, only responding when his mother had told him to. (I sent some flowers and cards over when they moved) It was like this until the middle of November. I had started to send his things back via mail. He contacted me to ask me not to bother, save my money. At first I didn’t respond to him, I was working on getting over him. This has been very hard for me. I realised when he went back in April that this man is someone whom I have very deep affection for. Even his very voice after all this time still sends my stomach flying. I eventually responded. This has then prompted him to call me in daily, on skype. I have found it hard to resist. Sometimes he will ask for video, other times he isn’t worried. He was screen sharing with me the other day, he thought that I went away from the keyboard and started to check his email. I noticed that he has joined a dating site since he has started talking to me again. Of course I am very deeply hurt. I guess I had hoped that we could have a reconciliation of some sort. He has added me as friends back on his accounts, games and Facebook. I didn’t say anything about the dating site, just pretend I don’t know. Yesterday he started acting strange again. I think he may have found someone to talk too on that site already. He didn’t call me all evening. Then he tried and pretended he couldn’t hear me and cut me off. He then proceeded to ignore anything that I said. (I made a couple of jokes and just general chit chat) I am trying to do “normal”.
I am so confused. I am heart broken that a relationship that was going really good, (we were not a couple to fight and argue, there were no problems that I am aware in our relationship, he just left and even now he cannot tell me why) has ended so abruptly and without a really good reason. He just avoids talking to me about it. It is clear if he has joined a site that he wishes to be with someone, he has someone who practically idolises him, I don’t understand. I am trying to “hang on” in the hope that he is just upset over something and as confused as I am. I have tried to talk too his mother who just tells me “hang on in there”. He cancelled coming to the school here, and asked me to help him with his personal statement so he can go to one over in the state he is in now. I just need some help in trying to understand where I go and what I do now. please?

Ok so I’m a 37 yr old female who just recently caught up with my middle school and high school boyfriend. We did everything together back in those days but after he got involved with some bad things I left the situation. He went to prison for 8 years and has been out for 7 years now. He had been searching and searching for me after he got out and couldn’t find me until recently after he had already gotten married. He has no kids with this woman and he rarely stays at home with her. We met up this past weekend and reconnected. It was absolutely amazing seeing him after all these years. We made love not just sex. He was the best gentlemen I’ve ever known. Now I’m so Into him and think of him every second of the day. Yes he’s text a few times and I have as well. He told me his marriage was in shambles and he wasn’t happy with her. He likes to stay out night after night doing his pool tournament things which we had in common back in the day. I was with him Saturday and Sunday and we did make love twice and it seemed enjoyable for both of us. He does work out of town and he’s fixing to leave for Cali for 2 weeks. I want him so bad to want me again but again he’s married but not happily. I shouldn’t have slept with him but when we dated way back everything clicked SO good. The kisses the love making and the cuddling. I’m so into him and I WANT him from now until forever. I feel he is my soul mate for sure. I’ve never ever had these feelings for anyone not even my 2 ex husbands. What can I do to make sure he wants me and feels the same. Are there signs. Please help…
In love and needing him BAD

I need help with this one. And some advice would be much appreciated. I had this guy friend he was my best friend and we started talking all the time basically until one of us fell asleep time went on it progressed in to flirting. In the meantime I had a long term boyfriend in which my relationship was failing. After 8 months of talking every single day and hanging out at least once a week. We hooked up and after that it was really awkward between us. My boyfriend and I broke up the next day because I had finally had enough of the fighting thay we were going through. Now my friend is really short with me and I don’t know if I should just leave him alone or what it is hard because I did develop feelings for him and now I don’t really know how to handle this situation. Also it was not the first time week hooked up we used to prior to me getting into a relationship which is why I didn’t think it would make our relationship weird. Please help me this out.

My exboyfriend and i dated for six months, he cheated on me and always came back after leaving. i always forgave him and took him back only for him to do it again. We got back together again and tried to fix our relationship, only to find out he was cheating again with the girl he left me for this time. I pleaded with him not to leave but he beat me and left. he came back again and told me to give him space for now and we’ll start to date again next year. He still sleeps with me but he doesnt wanna date me now. I tried to get over him many times but i cant. I love him way too much and want him to stay with me. please help me im hurting

I am sorry but this is not love if he beat you and mentally abuses you by cheating. Do not let him come back!!!. After a week or two you will have forgotten him and you will feel SO MUCH BETTER. Trust me…..

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years. He’s wonderful man. We are both 25 and he’s going to proposed me and give me that hint ( asking me about the engage ring that I like and accidentally told me that he’s going to marry me next year).
He’s very concern with financial condition and work so hard to gain money for our living. He brings me to his life and everybody knows in his life knows me. But I’ve made a huge mistake that I regret deeply. I reject him and told him that I can’t be with him because I feel unsure about our future living ( that’s because I’m affected by the facts that I seen my other friends life is going to be better than mine). I know I’m shallow and stupid to think like this. I regret it with all my heart. I’m just too naïve and I’m still learning to be better person.
Last month we break up and there’s no contact for several days until he text me and asking about me. Telling how desperately he that days.I casually texting him until I seem needy to him. I nag a lot about how he ignored me because he doesn’t want to meet me. There’s one time he text me and when I late replying him. He told me he’s going to get a tattoo.
I thought he’s just threatening to do that, because he’s not the kind of man who will do that.
He used to be sweet and treated me like a princess even though I’ve sometimes been so damn shallow and don’t give him enough attention as girlfriend.
I can’t forget myself for that.
Last two weeks is really a hard days in my life.
He got a tattoo and I’m really shocked and can’t believe its true. I hate and feel traumatized whenever I saw people with tattoo. I feel like going to pass out thinking about this. I’m so depressed.
I know tattoo is a normal things to other poeple but I can’t deal with it.
I wish he erase it but he told me he’s not going to regrets what he’s done and never want to erase it. At the moment when he’s calm down he told me to accept him who he’s now or leave him.
My parents also hates people with tattoo and I’m scared its going to be our problem later (that’s my biggest concern).
He’s now act cold to me and doesn’t invites me to his family occasion like he used to be. Whenever his family asked about me, he told me that I’m busy, but not letting them know about our breakup.
Lately we contact and meet up but his behavior is cold and emotional when I talk about his tattoo. He’s also smoking which I hate. He loss his weight and seem unhealthy..
I love him and I wish we can be like we used to be. I regret all what I’m done. I know he’s deeply dissapointed by my rejection and tired of my attitude toward him. I just want to be with him and would do anything for him.
My friend told me that he’s just wanting some revenge throwing tantrum and want my attention. He’s trying to control me. His behavior toward me is cruel like doesn’t seem interested in me anymore but he’s still care if I’m safe or not.
He’s going to panic if I’m home alone. When I told him my parents thought our relationship ended and he’s going to find others he said how about we try to work it again and told me that he loves me.
Please tell me how to :
1. Make him want and treat me again like he used to be
2. Convince him to erase his tattoo(its crucial for me). Pretty please help me in this. Our relationship would be rocky because my parents hates tattoo and he can’t find good job.
3. Please told me your opinion what he’s thinking. And what should I do to make him comfortable with me again. How to react when meeting him?
Thanks before :D

I NEED HELP! My ex and I have been dating for almost 2 years and he decided that we can’t continue, it’s been almost 3 months since that and after all the arguements and cutting off he decided its better if we be friends. I haven’t seen him in a month. We talk once a day or two and he seems to be enjoying it this way but I’m still madly in love with him and I want him to chase me again and I have no clue what to do or who to ask for help.

OK now in the past I was dating a guy an everything was going good for bout 3 month’s some where in that 3 month’s I find out that he was married, so after a few month’s I stop dating him, now 3 year’s has pasted an I bumpt in to him leaving a store an I asked him how was married life he said they are not together any more an that he was seeing a girl now so I said oh ok after that we never seen each other again. But jst resent I was getting ready to go out of town an he stoped by my house to see if I still live there. So we got the talking an exchange numbers but I didn’t call or txt weeks after I got back home. So I wanted to see what was up. We talked for a bout 2 Hrs on the phone. Then after a while we went back to seeing each other, I finally told him why I stop talking to him witch was cause he was married an I was catching feeling for him. Now we still talk an see each other, but what do I cause now we took it to the next level by sleeping together an spending time together so asked him different question bout us an he said right now his not looking for a relationship cause it only been 1 year Since his been devorce but he does care bout me it’s just to early to tell an that it’s been only 2 month’s that we have been seeing each other…. should I just go with the flow. Help.

Me and my ex have been friends for years! We became friends in high school (as sophomores) and he started chasing me after a night we spent together at camp (as juniors). we only made out which was about it and the rest was just having a laugh all night. he later on kept pursuing me and i didn’t have any feelings to him at all i knew it was a mistake. but then somehow he caught my interest. later on i felt needy and clingy which impacted me negatively. my ex and i were just ‘seeing each other’ never really went out on dates unless you take going out on dates as spending your time at the park or going for walks and what not. i’ve always paid for everything and never has he done anything like that… maybe once or twice. today marks 2 years of our little tug and push. during the ‘seeing each other stage’ he had a one night stand with a girl which was a freshman and later on lied to me when i tried to confront him. a few months later although he acted loving and caring he disappeared. he changed schools and i had no idea what to do. i was pretty devastated and needy. i was clingy, i’d stalk him on social media, try to come across him and do my best to get back with him. he was never my boyfriend though. this went on for half a year. as this stage was in process, he came back to me, made out, lead me on and left me. this occurred three times and on the third time he asked me out on a date. i never heard from him the day of the date which never took place. he says he never remembers himself even asking me out on a date during that stage.
a month or two passes and i’m a senior and because he failed a year in earlier years he was a junior. thinking i would benefit of him coming back i some how found a way to persuade him to come back to my school. so i could see him whenever i wanted to and have a laugh and kiss here and there. he told me he came back for me. and he told a few people the same reason. but to everyone else he said that he came back for his mother. do not ask why! because even i have no idea why…
whilst being back at the same school, we were seeing each other again but then randomly he started ignoring me, and having me chase him. during this we argued and were very distant. it came to a point where he started speaking to my best friend’s really close friend and told her that him and i never had anything going on. in his defence he tried to hurt her because my best friend hurt his best friend emotionally. i ignored his reason and the moment i confronted him he asked me to be his girlfriend. i accepted for some stupid reason. maybe because it was something i really wanted for so long. he kept it a secret. didn’t want anyone to know. he never really acted like a proper boyfriend. we had an argument and then he thought staying friends is worthwhile. he was wrong. me thinking this over, i messaged him a huge text explaining that i could not go through being friends with him due to it being weird. i told him i would cut contact with him. a few days later i felt the urge to see him and ran to him. he abused me verbally and i got angry. we had an argument full of misunderstandings. the next day was his birthday. he hated it. nothing went his way. i wasn’t there to even celebrate it. i sent him a huge text saying happy birthday. the next day he replied to me telling me how much he loves me and never wants to lose me. he told me how much he trusts me and how much he cannot stand not having me around.
a few days later he asked me to be his girlfriend. i told him i need time to think. during this he asked me out to the club where one of my favourite artists were going to perform. i told him i will try to get permission of my mother. the day of the event i got the yes and messaged him telling him that i was allowed out. he told me not to bother. he came up with excuses like our ride is taken away, i wouldn’t like clubbing, i wouldn’t like what i see, etc. reading that i realised i needed to go there to see what he meant. i knew something was up. when i got there i saw that he made out with a girl. he had lipstick all over his face. i was heartbroken once again. i cut contact with him that night. during my finals i could not concentrate. i got really bad results. i got worse than my predicted scores.
i spoke to him.. this wasn’t going to work for me. i needed to make peace with my past in order to move on. he asked me out a week after i tried to be friends. i kept refusing till he kissed me and i melted. i cried in front of him and he kept wiping my tears away. he told me he wanted me to meet his mother and all of his friends. i never felt so special.
till the moment he kept avoiding me meeting his mother. 2 or 3 months had passed and i felt distance. i could see his best friend list on snapchat (social media) that he has a girl right on top of my name. i knew something was up. i could feel it. a few days later on his instagram bio he had a letter with a love heart. i asked who that was and he told me it was an artist. i broke up with him. i gave him a chance to own up to it and so i broke up with him when he lied to my face 8 times in a row. we tried to be friends but it did not work for me. he cried in front of me. he never cries in front of anyone. i told him i want no contact at all. that i couldn’t stand it. yet i still looked over him. i needed to watch him. if i didn’t no one else would. he looked happy with the girl he was best friends on his snapchat with. he announced her as his girlfriend unlike he did with me. everything was on the low. no photos, no announcements, no nothing. see how there are the 3 P’s? profess, provide and protect? he could only do one of them. protect but ever so lightly.
after half a year of no contact, i had an argument with my best friend and have now thrown her out of my life. during the half year i tried my best to get over my ex, i spoke to others, but nothing felt the same. i thought i was over him.
a week ago my ex’s friend tried to see me. he is one of the most amazing people around. so i agreed. little did i know he tried to set me up. once i found out i rejected it.
three days later i was working, having a laugh with one of my colleagues and the moment i looked up i caught eyes with my ex. the amount of energy that pulsed through me was indescribable. i looked away as soon as i could. i ignored him the whole way. he went past me 8 times. i was in pain. i was full of anger. my friend i see as a little sister messages me asking what i’m doing after work. i told her i had to go to the mall. my ex was outside of my work place for an hour waiting for me in the cold. i went outside after my shift and interrogated him. i kept walking and asking with an angry tone of what he wanted from me. he kept trying to make small talk which angered me even more. i wanted him to come straight to the point. i wanted to hurt him.
he came with me to the mall and spoke with me. he told me he regretted it all. how he missed me. he told me he just wanted to toot and boot his ex. as much as i missed him, i had to be a bitch to him. he told me he wanted me to meet his mother. i told him that would’ve excited me last year but it doesn’t anymore. i told him i don’t want to meet his mom. this really upset him.
So two days after i made a mistake of wanting to see him and he found out about it and kept asking me. i blamed my pms for such emotional need for him. the day after that i asked him to come and give me my papers for psychology class because i needed it for college. he brought it but made a deal with me that if he brings them, i had to come watch his best friend play ball. which i did. he was really attentive. he kept his attention on me. i was quiet the whole night. i didn’t know what to say, what to do. what was right, what was wrong.
we didn’t speak for three days and he called me the moment i got off the bus. he asked me where i was and that he wanted to see me and have me help him study for his senior classes. i told him i had to go to the mall to buy myself something. he was right across me. we both laughed and he made his way toward me. we went together and it was so different. he was comfortable with me. he laid on me on the bus. i missed those days. i started missing everything. he tried to go in for a kiss. i didn’t allow it. he took me home.
the day after i met him at the library so i could help him study. little did i know he double booked me and he didn’t want to study. he just wanted to chill. though i had no idea. i got angry that i was double booked and that he was not studying. we had an argument and went our separate ways. i got a message that was two pages long from him. i didn’t want to seem as though i read it so i called him asking what it was about. he told me he didn’t want to try anymore if i don’t want to. he told me that i should let him know if i want anything because if i don’t he wants me to let go so he could let go. he told me he misses me yet he knows how much he hurt me and he knows that i let go a long time ago and he really wanted to forget the past like i told him i wanted to. i kept telling him history is not meant to repeat but he was always against it.
we met an hour later and went to the city. we chilled, and spoke, and spoke and spoke! we put everything on the table and he caressed my face. he asked me what i wanted. i told him friendship. he kept telling me i was lying. which i was. but i had to. i’d rather look out for him than to be his girl. but any girl who even touches him angers me. he told me he stuffed up. he told me he regrets everything. he told me how amazing i am. he’s speaking to two other girls. and i busted one of his conversations earlier last night saying he wanted to skype with a girl from CA. now what do i do? do i fall for the same thing? is there a possibility he has changed? or is he still an asshole? what do i do? do i go for him again? and i do. i really do. i miss him. he’s been the only person in my mind for two years straight. or do i hurt him? how do i hurt him? help me.

**Am I too late to get the relationship back?**
Started dating a guy 4 months ago, and he literally swept me off my feet, wine dine flowers always came with a gift in hand, and the way he looked at me melted my heart. The catch, I happened to meet him in the middle of his 5-year retirement plan, he explained he works a lot and if I could be patient things could turn out nice. The first couple of months he called or texted everyday and made time to see me, then it started to taper off which was understandable, running 3 businesses as a consultant in addition to his family business he explained his work load increased a bit a month after dating (the man works 7 days a week 4am -10pm on average). Unfortunately, I hadn’t stumbled on to your books/website until Im in “damage control” mode now. I see where I could have been “needy”. When things started to slow I gave him space but it seemed like it started getting longer and longer in between seeing each other and I was getting frustrated asking him periodically if he could spare an hour for a drink or whatever, his reply “no, he wishes he had the time” but was still texting me each day etc, my response you could make the time, no?. He thought- that I thought- he was with other girls and partying, which wasnt the case (I explained wasn’t the case) I just wanted him to make some (or anytime) for me. It seemed opportunities came and went without him trying until after a 5 week span I explained he would need to make some time for me or lets take a break including him not texting me everyday (because I kept thinking he was going to make plans which never happened). After that conversation, he said his work schedule was freeing up a tiny bit and took me to lunch that week and out the following week, we spent the night watching movies. He didn’t sleep well after that night I think it set him back a bit, so I gave him space again. After 3 weeks I told him I had a hotel up by one of his offices he wouldnt have to drive we could see a show (his response was he would love to but his fear would be that he wouldnt get enough sleep and be set back again) the next night, frustrated I send a two sentence text explaining why do i even bother etc. He texted back in the morning, what a crappy text to wake up to dont “bother” anymore. I apologized via vm and text explaining it was a combination of bad news in my family and excessive alcohol from numbing the bad news, but i havent heard from him and its been a week. Now I know just to let it be (after your advice columns) but I feel like I have lost it (wondering if I would have been patient would it have blossomed), anyway to get it back? Im afraid to reach out again and seem needy. A week with no response tells me this may be it. Ugh

I’ve been( or I was )in a long distance relationship with my bf for 5 month . We were texting everyday day and night .. A week ago I was texting him as usually we do on weekend , but he didn’t replied at all , however I could see he was reading my messages and I got very upset . After few messages , I told him that if he was not aware of phone showing messages read ,that I could see he read my messages , he didn’t replied until 7 hours later saying . Sorry I was out with my girls and now we are about to have dinner . I didn’t replied at all . The next day he texted me and I didn’t replied , the following day did the same thing and I didn’t replied . I texted him 2 days later and this time he didn’t reply back to me . The next day I’ve sent another text and he replied as soon as I’ve sent him a messages that I won’t bother anymore , so he texted me right away. He was completely ignoring me via text ,so I cut off conversation . He told me that we will talk next day , so I texted him the next day and he was doing the same again no answering my text , I stupidly sent bunch of text messages and he replied at night . I asked him to be honest with me that if he doesn’t want the relationship to let me know , so I can move on . He replied saying , I don’t know to be honest with you. The way you reacted rally threw me off.. Then I stupidly asked .Is that means you don’t want this anymore ? And he replied , I don’t know right now. I am trying to be a good single dad And maybe it’s not fair that I have enough time to give anything else right now.. I said but you are a good dad , and he replied saying ,Im now trying to watch tv with them .. my last replied was this .. Ok . I’m not there and the time with me is via text . You making things harder for me , by not telling what you want here .. I let you watch the Tv with your girls .. Either way , have a goodnight sweetheart . This was our last conversation 5 days ago and we haven’t contact each other since then . Do you think that I have a chance to get him back ? What should I do next ? Should just wait until he contacts me ? Please help ?

i knew of a guy who was seperated and i didnt want him months later we met and a week after we dated. he was kind of curious and i decided ti let him know about him asi felt that it was fair to know i also told him that in d future i would like to get married as to know what he would do for the annullment. after that i told him he started saying that i need to do experiences with other guys and that he thinks that he still needs more time to heal and that he does not want to hurry things up. now i have to chase him and after saying all that he started playing hard to get like if you want come near me i tease him as well but he says then i would like to speak to that girl a girl whom i saw at the bar. he than says that he cannot cope with two..what do you thing that he has in mind and do i need to stop texting?? i already said sorry duevto a tease him a bit tooo but he started to make me feel jealous. tks

Ok so there was this guy I dated in high school (15 years ago) and we have recently started talking again. We met up last weekend and ended up hanging out the whole day. We were texting after that quite a bit, but now I texted him yesterday and never heard back from him. I guess I don’t know where to go from here? I thought there was a possibility of a future relationship, but I don’t know if I should text him again in a few days or what? I guess I usually initiate the texts, but he would rather talk on the phone. He did call me last weekend an we talked for an hour. Any advice would be great!!

maybe he didn’t get the text. I would try again a while later like days or weeks and see what happens. but don’t question him. that is what he prob expects u to do and if u don’t that will be points for u. if he doesn’t respond again just move on.

recently my ex who broke things off with me and havent spoken to him since for 5 months drunk texts me on fb saying, “sorry about today, itll never happen again sorry to bother you” (note we are not fb friends.)

i dont know what to say after that but after his drunk texts and knowing how he treated me for the first time i decided not to answer this one which will shock him. do u think he will get in touch with me again? i dont think theres any reason for me to answer this sentence because it just clearly doesnt make any sense.

Hi,
There’s this guy who apparently liked me for a long time and finally approached me en we clicked emediatly. So we started seeing eechother alot for a few weeks, and he was perfect, sweet and i felt special. So then some shit happend and we decided to stay friends. But during a few weeks that we were “friends” he was stil sweet, we decided not to meet up till the feelings were a bit settled, so we talked alot on the phone and texted. and i mean .. alot, like till 5 am we could talk and everyday he texted me… well you get the idea.. I just knew he still liked me.

so somehow we did meet again a few times ( it was his idea by the way to meet again) and everything fell back in to place and we were more than friends again.. and everything was fine and he met my best friend and gave me the sweetest present on my brithday.. BUT the past few weeks, i can’t shake the feeling that something has changed.. he texts back but with long intervals, and i notice that he is less interrested. but when im with him everthing is normal. so i asked him about it and he said nothing was wrong. I thought we were okay, but since then he is even more distant it seems. Im afraid to bring it up again because he didnt really like it the first time. He said he is in to me and sometimes he is really sweet but most of the time he is pretty distant

what do I do? I’m meeting him in a couple of days, should I ask him or act normal or just wait and see how things go? or like most of you say.. make him “chase” me somehow? im in a dilemma .. i dont want to push him away. but I’m also afraid of trying to make him chase me and .. he wont?!

Hi Rebella
Being “chased” is more of a state of mind than a set of specific actions. You can’t intentionally get him to chase as that would just be manipulative. Instead focus on yourself. Get your mindset right. I think you have nothing to worry about. Men generally pull back but it is important to stay cool and calm. Any emotional outbreaks would result in him freaking out. Practice patience and give him his space. They generally come back.

Hi Betty,
So you think that its normal for guys to act like this after a while?
I really want to believe that, its just that in those moments when he acts like he’s not interrested and busy it feels like hr actually is not interrested. But I think you might be right and I need to stay calm. Hopefully I will find that sweet guy i fell in love with again.

So i first moved to this town and met a really wonderful guy. He really was crushing on me and I was really starting to like him. Then another guy came into the picture and took me away. I’m terrible with no’s so i couldn’t do much. I left him but then I felt so guilty I went back. Meanwhile the guy i actually liked was heart broken twice, which killed me. A month went by and I couldn’t do it any longer. I finally left him, and tried going back. He was happy at first and really wanted to, then pulled the “I want to be friends card. I don’t want a relationship.” Liking him for so long this killed me, and I kept pushing which I know is a wrong. Liking him all along and being with the other guy, is all wrong. I recognize this and knew all along. But he kept agreeing with fixing things, then said the same “I don’t want a relationship!” This happened four times. I am pretty heartbroken now, we haven’t talk in a week. He is all confused. I am contemplating on what to do. He means alot to me. But along with hurting me four times he said really awful things too. I’m not talking about like trashing me like actually hitting the heart. I am at a loss. I can’t win, I can’t do much. I need some assistance. All my friend say leave it alone stop caring but that’s not me. So, please try giving an actual solution not a leave it completely. He means a lot and I really want this to work..

Do you remember the self respect you used to have for yourself when you had a boyfriend. If you find that part of yourself again, you will attract this douchebag again and many more wonderful men.

Stop pursuing such scum. Dont you deserve better. Why do you people settle for casual dating. When we fought for your equal rights, we didn’t fight for equal dating. Stick with biology and stop trying to play with nature. let him chase you. If he doesn’t, then he is inconsequential. Seriously girl, where’s your pride and dignity. Enough his enough to all of you. When did women become so weak? Play up your powerful femininity and stop this ridiculousness of even contemplating a man who sleeps with a nasty hoe in the first place. Eww are you after his STD’s, his promisciuity (yes yes I know you’re attracted to him because the social proof is that he is desired but who is he desired by, not exactly a real woman). Look for a kind, caring man, place your self in his way so you become his target and then pull back and watch him chase you and drive up the passion that way not with a loser like you have described. Seriously girl EWWW he could be the hottest guy on this planet and I wouldn’t give him the type of day.

I won’t go into the nerdy programming stuff, but adding an Edit button would create too much overhead for the website.

Just mention any corrections below if need be. Listen, I publish articles with typos in them that I have to scramble to correct after catching them months later and millions of people have read it already. Don’t feel bad. ;)

I want to know how I can get this bloke’s attention back on me… we met 4 months ago everything was great to begin with spent time together I was there for him through a dark stage of his life helped him through it out of choice thought everything was going good.. but it got to around jan and he started to withdraw from me less contact etc it would always be me perusing him and I hate having to be the one that does that but I liked him so much at that point I was scared.. after pushing him for a few anwsers he told me that he felt like he wanted a relationship when we first met but at the moment he feels like he doesn’t want a relationship because he feels like his life needs to be fixed first.. I understood because I knew what he had been through.. but I also had a sense that he wanted his ex back because I saw a fb status that insinuated he was trying to make it happen with her again.. I felt hurt because he gave me a hard time over what my ex did to me yet he wanted to get back with his ex that supposedly hurt him too? I don’t know but all I do know is that he is paying his attention to other girls now I see it on fb and it kills me.. but I never say anything just continue putting up with his ignorance towards me.
I really want his attention back but I don’t know if its too late or he just doesn’t like me and is too scared to tell me the truth. I feel like hes just run a mile from me.. I know that he pays attention to my fb though because a few times when I was hanging out with him he would mention he saw something or a post he found funny but hasn’t literally liked or socialised with me on fb for 2 months. I have also started dating other blokes now nothing serious just hanging out with other guys I think he can see that on fb does it put him off?
I also have a male best friend who recently moved to another country who had feelings for me and before he left he posted a long message on my wall saying how much he appreciated me as a friend etc I think he saw that because one of my friends commented saying why did you never give this friend a chance.. and he liked the comment I felt confused what does he mean that he agrees too or is it another polite way of saying ‘do one’ its driving me mad.

How do I get my boyfriend to chase after me, he loves me and we live together always visiting his parents, but at times he will leave me at his parents house while he goes to hang with his boys or to workout. He never lets me go anywhere without him when I go workout, why can he? I am a baskeybsll player like he is, bit now I never play because he hates me playing with guys at the rec. I have hot too attatched and my word revolves around him. Any comments

I had a guy who pursued me avidly and then after 3 months, just went cold turkey on me for two weeks. I agonized on this since i didnt understand when all things had been totally great and no issues we couldnt work out (and I mean small ones). But once I got my wits back about me, I left him a message that said, “hey I havent heard from you and I guess this is over. But I enjoyed our time, you were great and I will miss what we shared. best of luck to you.” This guy called me the same night and has not stopped since. he never did that to me again but beleive me when he called me that night to get back in my good graces, I waas out on a date with another guy, and for the next 3 times he tried to meet up with me I acutally had other plans and could not do so. Then when I did, I only gave him one hour of my time and I was very pleasant at that. Trust me, this showed him my worth and that I value myself and my time before anyothing or anyone else. Now he tells me “Im not goin anywhere!” What a change and what a declaration. What they say on ANM is spot on!

I had a guy that pursued me hard for two months, then pulled back, said he didn’t know if we should keep hanging out, but he really wanted to keep talking to me at least as friends until he figured his stuff out. I didn’t hear from him for three weeks. I sent him a random message about a band he likes playing in a town I was in for the weekend, and he texted back immediately. We had a good back-and-forth (this was a Sunday) via text, and he called me at work the next morning. He continued to text me that afternoon all flirty. I didn’t hear from him Tuesday, texted him just to say I heard a song on the radio he likes, no response until after 9 pm: “Whats up”. I didn’t answer, but I have read receipts so after a couple mins seeing I read it, I got: “Sleeping?”. He saw I read that and later sent “Must be” and “…”. Obviously confused why I wouldn’t respond. He called me twice at work the next morning (Wednesday, and he hadn’t contacted me for three weeks!) and called my cell phone on my lunch break since I hadn’t answered. I finally answered that, and he “just wanted to chat”. Then why call so many times??? I told him I was trying to give him space to decide what he wanted, and he said that when he decided he wanted to hang again he’d just call and ask me. We also chatted a bit about what we’d been up to since we hadn’t talked for so long. He got a little jealous when I talked about going to a couple parties, and tried to make me jealous talking about girls he was dancing with on a vacation he took. Looking back, I guess that was a good sign, but I was so sick of the hot and cold. I waited a couple days, didn’t hear from him. I sent him a similar text to this on that Friday saying that he obviously didn’t want me in his life, it shouldn’t take someone a month to decide they want to see me. I appreciate what we had because he showed me how I deserve to be treated, even if it can’t be from him right now and good luck figuring out what he wanted and hopefully he can be happy.” I never got a response. Tomorrow will have been three weeks since I sent that. The only thing I’ve heard from him was he added me on snap chat randomly last Friday, but hasn’t sent anything, texted or called. Is there anything I can do, or did I push him away? Help???

I’m from Thailand.
I am an exchange student in Denmark for 1 year.
But my boyfriend lived in Thailand.
My boyfriend and I had promised each other,
he is not gonna cheating on me.

The time passed by 5 months now,
This is the first time I saw him chatting with another girl and they are dating now.
but he said trust me we are just friend.
what should I do?
Should I let him go
I understand his feeling
It is hard for him because of our long distance.

All right so my story starts like this.
So I have been liking (and now, close enough to loving) a guy right from 2010 when I first met him. We ended up in two different places. He started becoming close to me, but he had a girlfriend in 2010. I liked him, anyway. We becaame close friends. And it only grew stronger. To be true, he was attracted to me even while he was in a relationship. I told him I like him. We used to text almost everyday. We even sexted and flirted, sometimes. And his relationship started faltering. (because his girl was also in a different place, long distance problems) It ended, finally this year, and he was heartbroken. He started getting over her. I went to his place to meet him, by this time, because he was single, I was free of guilt and we made out, many times. Also, he cares about me a lot and considers me to be one of the closest. We fought a lot, but ended up resolving issues everytime. Our sexting, flirting, caring continued. He told me he really likes me but since he has just gone through a bad long distnace, he cant do another one, and he doesnt want to hurt me. He thinks his ex has been a bitch. Yesterday I asked him what is the most beautiful thing in his life, and he asked me the same thing.I said ‘it’s you’ and he was shocked. He said ‘I am a bad guy, I hurt you, why do u like me etc’ I got mad over him. He apologized to me and said because he feels guilty about me having given given given and he thinks he has not been able to give me what I deserve ( a relationship) but he loves it that I am there and that ‘I am dam important to him’

So basically I like this guy and I have waited for him too long. I have given him unconditional care, love, support. He is a beautiful person. I find his presence very soothing. I feel very safe in his arms. He has been truly supportive.

I have been balancing out my emotions and friendship with him. It has been painful, and even embarrassing. he does not want me to go.

Should I wait more? But what I dont get is till when? Till when should I keep myself hanging? What if he never wants a relationship?

There is this other guy who likes me, a loooooot. But i told him I cant do justice to him because I alreayd like someone else. That is not very relevant, actually.

The main question that troubles me is that till when should I wait for him to come and since his plane has just crashed, will he be ready any soon to board another?

Sigh. I dont know.
Maybe you have something to say.
Thanks in advance.

I kinda have the same thing and I dont know what to do.
Ive been dating this guy for about one and a half months now. At first he was super interested and sweet. Hes always constantly be texting be, starting conversations, sayiing goodnight/goodmorning. Hed also always want to see me, re arranging his plans or making sure I come along. Now it seems like he cares so much less. He barley texts me and when we do its me who keeps the converstaion going. Whenever I ask to hangout, hes always busy. He has one friend that he hangsout with pretty much every day. His friend brings his girlfriend along sometimes but my boyfrend has never even invited me once too. Ill be lucky if can fit me in a two week period. I hate thinking that I have to ‘fit in’. Like I can make time for him . . why can’t he ? Its not like he cant cause he use to. I know this isnt just him because every boyfriend Ive ever had did this. How can I make him care again ? Like when hes to one asking to hangout/talk on the phone/texting me cause he missing me ? :(

Sydney,
I read your post and wanted to point out that ANM has covered your topic many times over. In short, a guy will make time for you if he really wants to. He will also value what he has to work for. You sound like you have lost your way and are too available to your “boyfriend”. You need to focus on you and the things that interest you outside of your relationship. Maybe when he sees you have your own life, he will consider pursuing you and making time for you again. Then you can “fit” him into your schedule when it suits you instead of the other way around.

First, you admit no wrong, however the lines and tones of your message says otherwise. The earlier you accept partial fault, the better and easier for you to handle the unfolding situation.

Secondly, you’re blowing hot and cold. You act like you want him, but then don’t either respond in time to his texts or go on arguing. It’s manipulative. It never lasts long. It kills relationships.

Lastly, you need to accept he no longer values the idea of continuing the relationship. Once you both start playing, toying and enjoy hurting each other and dragging sentimental issues, you know you can’t trust each other with your hearts. That he no longer wishes to be with you could be cause he’s met someone, wants a break, is exhausted and stressed out with you and the relationship, he’ll looking for change/ uncontented or because you keep coming to beg him as though love is a one-way traffic., hence weakening his appreciation of YOU. Love is reciprocal darl, and the more wanting, clingy and needy you appear, the less interest he has.

Please, move on. Especially if you want him to have room to think and reconsider his stand and your value to him, or give room for new love, just move on. You need room to breathe yourself!

i wasn’t playing hot and cold he was the one to be late for this i don’t really know what to do im frustrated and really need help should i unblock him maybe he talks to me? i don’t really know anything saturday i went to take my belongings his mom was so nice.. i didn’t even ask about him i just couldn’t i don’t want him to think he’s so important but i adore him and i don’t really know what to do.. should i delete my accounts of whatsapp and anything maybe he will feel that he misses me? help..

Aforemost, you need to stop initiating contact. At this point, he’s enjoying it and you’re losing the last bit of respect he can have for you to be able to look at you as a lover once again. You needn’t block him and any social media sites you’re on, cause that condemns any chances of reconciliation and sends the wrong signals. If you ?????y want a chance again, you need to let sleeping dogs lie and restrain from contacting him ~ and that won’t be easy.

On the other hand, why would you want to stay and suffer with a guy you’ll continuously argue with, that will continue to enjoy condescending you to the point where you’ll believe you deserve less a man?! You’re still young. It’s important that you’re happy, and if a man can’t give you that, and vice-versa, I suggest truly that you have a rethink on your life priorities.

no he’s the one to blow hot and cold and he keeps arguing all i wanna do is a reconcilliation.. he has bad texts that’s why sometimes i couldn’t reply to him when he cuts me off completely of his life. should i delete my accounts? facebook whatsapp everything maybe he will miss me someday ?
he’s still blocked on whatsapp
i went to get my belongings this saturday his mum was so nice i didn’t ask about him.. even though im dying on the inside just to be with him .. i adore him :(
plz help
i m not being able to move on

I agree with Ola on several points including, stop initiating contact and it sounds like you’re both blowing hot and cold, since you were ignoring his texts…There’s a difference between ignoring and just giving yourself time to respond once you decide what you want to tell him. Maybe he just feels hurt because of the way you’re expressing yourself by blaming him for you feeling hurt. Men don’t like to feel blamed, even when they are at fault. and they are sensitive beyond belief in this regard. If you want to try to work on things, you hear from him again, tell him something like you feel bad to hear he feels hurt and you weren’t trying to do so, instead of making him feel wrong about everything. Tell him you feel happy to hear from him but you feel bad about how things are between you two and ask him ” do you think we can do anything resolve this” and see what he says. In the meantime, you’re only 20 so start to make yourself open to dating other guys. You’ll most likely meet someone better and be like “wow why did I want with that last guy”

I never blamed him for anything he was the one to say that i hurted him while he did.
actually i did do that before i said him that if we can work things out and he eventually replied sarcastically that’s why i blocked him right away i knew that he doesn’t want me
i unblocked him
but i won’t talk to him because i know that he doesn’t want me anyways

im not contacting him anymore but should i delete whatsapp or unblock him ? that’s what i was thinking if i unblock him and not talk to him again i don’t put any pictures for me on any site anymore so he won’t feel hurt of me i don’t know how to interact anymore.. i wish u can clearely give me steps on how to behave i would be thankful..
i know he’s deep down good hearted but i don’t understand him anymore and i feel so much pain

im thinking of blocking him again i don’t want him to think i m following him or something i believe if i move on he will never come back he wants me desperate and take control on me … i just don’t know what to do and how to interact he hates me and i didn’t do anything to him..

I was with this guy for about 10 months, we were in a long distance relationship. He works abroad. He comes twice a year to Lebanon. The second time i saw him in Lebanon he broke up with me for about one month and half i started begging him and telling how much i love him and than we started arguing so i started to ignore him than we came back together. He came so nice and good to me than he came back to the country he works in. We broke up for the second time and than came back after ignoring him, when he came back he refused putting our picture on BBM and so i told him why, he said you keep fighting me while he does all the fighting, and i have no word. So i was okay with it, like what can i do i cannot force him, but on whatsapp he kept our picture with my name as a nickname. ( on BBM also he kept my name). But 4 weeks ago we broke up i didn’t know why, he was desperate changing pictures on BBM and he removed my name so i asked him why, like u removed our picture already and now my name, later on what? he was fighting me all over and broke up with me after being so good to him and trying to make him calm, he broke up and i called him several times he didn’t reply so i wished him good luck and that he lost me because of his bad treatment. And he said u lost me before i lost you because u didn’t care. so i ignored him. He started to put sad faces on BBM so i ignored him but after a few days i said that he lost me forever because he was so disrespectful and im not gonna stay like this forever and i think he has a new girlfriend so i said many things… and he started bringing up my old relations. MY PAST! and say that i didn’t care and i m not a good girlfriend and i wasn’t by his side (truth is i always have been by his side and never left him, spoiling him with love and sacrifices that i have done to him… i don’t go anywhere because of him because he’s jealous and i don’t want him to feel alone so i go to uni and go home, i don’t even see my friends a lot because of him because i don’t wanna make him sad). So i didn’t reply to any of his talk. The next day i said i wanna give this relation a chance so i asked him a question : “Do u still love me, did u ever love me and will you always love me?” so he replied :” I got the answer but i won’t tell you” so i said ” I have to know so i can know how to deal with things from now on” he was like ” Deal with it the way you want, you already did enough” so i didn’t reply to him and didn’t talk to him after that that was 3 weeks ago. Last wednesday (1 week ago) i said him on bbm hi and he replied hey and asked how is he and he was normal and u? i said im okay and he said good. so i didn’t say any word after that. after 2 hrs i put a picture for me on whatsapp and BBM, so he said please remove me from here sorry for disturbing and block me on whatsapp if u care about not hurting me anymore. so i didn’t reply to him and after a short time he said thanks for being disrespectful so i didn’t reply to him and at 2 am he sent me on BBM ” Hope when i wake up in the morning u will do the favor i asked you to and not putting more disrespectful behavior and the hurt you’re doing to me. wish u the best but don’t go to your past with such immature pictures and bad ones it doesn’t go for you from an old friend and i prefer there won’t be a HI between us cz you treated your ex’s better than me and respected them but u didn’t respect me knowing one took you to his home from the first day and the other one cheated on you, that’s called not respecting, you left me i didn’t say a word, you hurt me and i didn’t do anything, i m not like your ex’s but you all girls are the same there’s no difference. if you’re not gonna do the favour so i do it in the morning but please tell me that you won’t do because you really did hurt me and i didn’t expect that from you to go back to your past. wish u all the best regards, ur old friend” so i didn’t reply to him because it’s all untrue i didn’t leave him and i did respect him i was more than good to him really i was. and after that he sent me “bye good luck on whatsapp with such pics” and i didn’t say anything so he started pinging me a lot and than he removed me i didn’t say anything. not even a word. This monday that has passed it was his mother’s birthday so i sent her flowers to her home and she talked to me saying thank you and asked if i and her son are talking so i was like no we’re not and she was like why? i said her we’re done. The next day he said me: “Hello hope ure fine just wanna tell u thanks for sending the bouquet for mom tc nd have a nice day” so i replied ” no need to, im fine” and he said ok. He didn’t talk to me after that nor i did. Today i decided to delete whatsapp. i have another number im using it also. I don’t really know what to do. I don’t know what is he expecting. P.S: He keeps putting pictures for him on whatsapp… he changed his passwords 1 week ago. last monday i texted him on whatsapp saying ” “I want to work things out between us. I will respect your decision if you choose to not see me again, but I need closure. If I do not hear back from you, I will assume it is definitely over.” he said after a half an hour “what closure” so i said him “i said like end things start a new chapter in life ” and he said “what things” and i said ” i wanna know if this relationship can be saved or if it is definetly over” so he said me “”as if u still care about this relation hehe enjoy ur life u hurted me well enough really did :) ” i didn’t reply to him cz for me i didn’t hurt him i m the one who really got hurt. so i got mad and blocked him… he sent me a message to my mobile phone after an hour saying ” thanks for showing the true u more than once but put in your head I’m not like your exs I respected you more than any living person on earth not to do a such behavior with me plz don’t u ever think of asking about me which u never did but the most thing don’t u ever ever think of talking to me and enjoy your life which u are with me or without me tc wish u all the best don’t reply plz” so i didn’t say anything to him i was so angry.. I really loved this guy i don’t know what hapened to him i wish i can get help to make him come back but with good intentions :( i miss him i don’t understand why this hapened.

NEED HELP IM SO CONFUSED ……
I really like this boy and I started liking him 3 months ago but then I found out that he had a girl friend, we started talking and became friends, but showing me the signs that he likes me . Then last week I found out that he spilt up with his girlfriend and since then we have become really close and I told him I liked him and he said he liked me back and he kissed me last night and then said that he don’t wanna lead me on ? I’m so confused and I really like him and now we are Just”talking” . What I meant to do ?? I with friends or my horse but I still find it hard not to think about it ! Please help me I’m so confused !

I NEED HELP! So, there was this guy I met about a month ago. He goes to school with me and his name is Sean. I first messaged him on facebook just to say Hi and meet him because he seemed like a cool guy. I had no interest in him at the moment nor did I ever think to start talking to him dating wise. He’s about two grades below me as well. All I planned for was to just be friends and that’s it. That was until things really hit off and I instantly began to have feelings for him. At first it was him claiming how “amazing” and “perfect” I was. He would always walk me to class, most of the time he’d wait for me too. So then he started telling people we were talking (dating wise). He became a bit obsessive too. He would get mad if I talked to other guys or mentioned giving one a friendly hug. Later we had this argument where I told him that we weren’t serious because we had only been talking for two weeks then he said “Fine we’re not talking anymore!”. That honestly hurt. What doesn’t make sense was that he told me he had commitment issues then I text him trying to fix things and he said “I thought I was committed to you but you said you didn’t want anything serious so I wasn’t going to waste my time”. Then I ask if we can start over again, forgive and forget, he agrees to it but then ignores me in school. Then when I confront him about it he said he had his reasons to be upset with me and that I said that we didn’t have anything but won’t listen to me when I tell him we did. Now he refuses to speak to me but then walks with the girl he talked to before me knowing that I didn’t like that very much. Late my friend goes to up to him and asks him what happened and he said “I don’t know, I mean she’s crazy and obsessive.” I’m very confused with the situation and I don’t know what to do. I mean I really want him back because I can’t seem to get over my feelings because I know that I wasn’t being obsessive and none of what happened was my fault. What should I do? Is there any way I could possibly win him over again?

Ok I need HELP!!!
I have been going out with this guy for 2 months now,
At the start he was super cute- text me just about every morning, call me just to hear my voice telling me all this nice stuff. Called me beautiful and was super lovely.
Then about a month ago his phone got cut off and that was ok cause he would call me about once a day or use wifi and facebook me. Some days he would call more than once and he was still super lovely.
Than his phone went back on and it seems since then he’s been making less and less effort to contact me. Most days at the moment i feel if I want to talk I have to make the effort and contact him but I don’t want to seem needy.
Meeting up wise, we meet about once a week at the moment he used to call me up and want to meet spur of the moment but that also has changed and when we do meet he occasionally pushes the time back. When however we are together he still seems to care about me. HELP!! Tell me am I being paranoid or is he losing interest
and what do I do if he is ????????

“at the moment he used to call me up and want to meet spur of the moment but that also has changed ”

If he tries to pull the spur of the moment thing again, turn him down politely, just make other plans for yourself and let him know when you’d like to reschedule. If he still constantly tries to do this, call him out on it and say “I’ve noticed when you call to make plans it’s a bit spontaneous and I appreciate that, but I have a rather busy schedule, so I am free *insert day here*” As for his habit of pushing the time back, is he doing this last minute ? If yes let him know what time works best for you and if it doesn’t work for him, he doesn’t get to see you. Let him work on your schedule.

HEY I REEEEAAAAALLLLLLLLYYY NEED HELP!!!!!!
So I used to like this guy for a really long time (since like 3rd grade) he was always nice to me. His name is Chris. My best friend liked this other guy who I wasn’t interested in. his name is Anthony. Then the guy that my best friend liked moved about 15mins away and since we were young, we never saw him. Anyway, she continued to like Anthony and I continued to like Chris. I never hung out with him cuz I wasn’t really in his group. In sixth grade, Anthony moved back to my school.Around the mid-sixth grade, I realized that Chris was a real perv and stopped liking him because he was so annoying (but it is still really awk between us). Around the same time, my Bestfriend and I stopped being friends because she wanted to be popular (with the guys) and started ignoring me. In return my friends and I (who had the same issue with her) just stopped hanging out with her and stuff. In Mayof last year, three of Anthony’s friends told me he liked me (I am still unaware of who my ex-friend liked at the time). I tried to act cool and be like “whatever”. Then, when I Thought about it i Started to like him too. Me and him sat next to each other in every class, he talked to me, was nice, funny, smart, cute, etc. by the end of the year, I had a full on crush with him. Over the summer, my ex-friend had her first boyfriend which was a total setup. From my knowledge they only kissed once and never hung out that much cuz he lives about 15minaway. By the end of the summer, I heard they broke up (aa whole other story)
Anthony and I didn’t talk until the end of the summer until I got his phone number. When we got back to school (this year) I was disappointed to find me and Anthony only had 2 classes together. But they were double periods so I spent lunch until the end of the day with him. But, I didn’t sit next to him in any classes. And guess who sits next to him in Alg 2? MY EX-FRIEND!!! That annoyed me but I carried on because he told me he liked sitting next to me better, I was convinced he still liked me. Then, last week I found out My ex-friend was considered “hot” (which is just a guy word for slut). I soon realized my ex-friend liked Anthony again.Then one day , I went to an ice cream place with my two friends. There we met a bunch of guys aka “the wolf pack” (which Chris is a part of) and some girls. There was a girl who I was never friends with and was considered “easy” and this new girl that thinks she’s sooooooooo popular. The new girl is friends with my ex-friend and invited her and three three other girls. It was really awkward cuz Anthony was there so I just started some minimal flirting. While we were with the guys one guy asked my ex-friend if she could talk (cuz she’s really quiet with other people, not me tho). I was then convinced that they didn’t “like like” her. After me and my two friends left, A guy Cameron, who was with the guys and Anthony and used to date my friend, called my friend and asked if we wanted to come to Anthony’s I kind of did (obviously) but my friend said no before asking my opinion (plus is was like 10:00 at night) the next day at school, I found out that Anthony and my exfriend went on some walk together and she got his number from one of her “new, easy” friends. I was REALLY mad you have no idea. Then, they were gonna hang out at the funfest (a festival in my town last weekend) but she didn’t go (I have no idea why). When I got to school yesterday, I had to teach my ex-friend something because I’m president and she’s Vice President, on our way through the halls by ourselves I tried to get info out of her, either about something I already knew or didn’t but she was so vague in her answers and I didn’t want to Act like I knew anything. I didnt get any info. i did know stuff she didnt want me to know tho stuff that other people told me Today at school, a girl told a guy who told a girl who told my friend who told me that Anthony and my ex-friend were gonna hook up after school! WTF? He just found out she talked last weekend!!!!! Anyway , when I heard it wasn’t true I relaxed and I talked to him throughout the day, holding eye contact some stuff like that. I did catch him looking at me once or twice, Then after last period, I heard that the rumor was actually true because as I walked out of Alg 2 I overheard the new girl saying to my ex-friend ( who’s locker is 2 down from mine) “me and you are gonna meet Cameron and Anthony after school” I started flipping out! By the end of the 5min home room, about 20 people knew. (Lol) but i dont think they were going to hook up that is all I know I don’t know if he likes me or not because he looks at me and talks to me and stuff but he was gone see her after school?!?!? Is he doesn’t like me how do I get him back!!!!?!?!?!?!
Thanks for reading this I know it was kinda long.. PLEASE HELP!!!
Sincerely,
Confused

Well i was living out of town when this guy who used to coach my cousins baseball team added me on fb. i always thought he was way sexy but never considered talkin to him. well we slowly started chatting more and more until i moved home. my very first day of my new job he walked in and i thought damn.. well then we slowly started talkin again until one night we went out with a group of friends to this pool hall. well im pretty sure we all ended up having waaaaaay to much to drink, and of course i did something i most certainly shouldnt have. yeah, we hooked up. well then it started being a we’d call each other when we were in the mood thing. bad idea. anyways i started to lose interest until he started coming back to my work all the time. and now that i decided i want him, i dont know how to make him want me. clearly i already screwed up the whole “make him wait” deal long ago. but now im lost.. i actually want him HEEELLPP please!

There’s a guy.He was my fb friend.After a first few chats on fb we exchanged eachothers number.He used to call me and text me.We started talking on phone.He shared his past experienced about his past relation and his family.All the tragedies.I had sympathy for him.I also told him about my ex.After few days he asked me out.I said yes.He started to insist to meet.I also wanted to meet him.But suddenly i started to find him fishy.He cant keep his words.After 1 month he made a plan to meet.I was also ready.But at the end moment i had to cancel the plan cos i had to go somewhere else.I told him and he got mad and he broke up saying that he will never contact me and saying that i am a psycho.All i want to know is will he contact me again?He was kinda manipulative.And had made many relations before as a time pass.And i was never clingy type.I was always there with my dignity.I was never easy 2 get.He had to work hard to impress me. He also knows that a lot of guys were after me but i didnt give them the opportunity.He is really stubborn.N he does wat he says.Will he contact me again and when?

Hi Mashfeqa… Go with your gut that he seems fishy. I’ve been there and the gut feeling is usually accurate even when there’s no clear red flag. Sometimes I just get a bad feeling about someone ad not sure why. It’s best not to hang around to find out just to find out that you’re right. he sounds a bit psycho himself and maybe needy… since I read absolutely nothing that would give you any psycho vibe. I don’t know if you’ll hear from him again but I don’t think you should want this guy contacting you again if you feel he’s manipulative. His reaction to you cancelling plans isn’t normal. Based on your message I think you did nothing wrong.

I have loved a guy for a year but I must hang on another three so I can be with him. He is perfection in a nut shell. Everything I have ever wanted. The best thing is I know he loves me to because all the signs are there (previously looked up on various websites). He cant tell me he loves me or likes me or anything, for complicated reasons, although he tells me he misses me and he remembers details about me as I do him. I know this is true and perfect love… but I only ever see him at work, I only visit his work once a month-ish and I have to go there with my dad,(they get on really well). I’m certain this is love from what everyone describes it is, but we cant even let each other know we like each other for another 3 years. I have coped for one so far and have never doubted he is my everything. How will this work?

There is this guy that had a crush on me..he has a girlfriend but he kept telling me about how unhappy he was and how he is not happy.And that the girlfriend has mentioned to him that she knows hes unhappy.He has been with this girl for 9months and says that he has vowed to not have sex until he is married.So he was hanging out with me coming to my job and coming to my house and spending alot of time with me. Also i thought it was kind of weird but he introduced me to his mom and sister and told me his grandfather wanted to meet me.We had a couple of make out sessions and its even went even further than that twice.But something changed he stopped talking to me as much and i brought it to his attention and he claims that im just thinking negative.Then the other day he just drove right passed me like he didnt even know me. So i just told him to just stop contacting me…did i do the right thing

Guys are so realistic! Yesterday I changed my whole style by wearing dress that I didn’t use to wear before, take off my spec and wear summer heels, after that he saw some of the guys look at me and praise my look,he started to feel regret of losing me and messaging me saying want to take back the things that he bought to me before, like finding chances to have contact with me.
He even ask me whether the girl in his facebook that interested with him pretty or not!
I smile and says yes, he even ask me whether the girl prettier or me.=.=
I really can’t get what he is thinking, why he so care about my thinking about the girl he wants to meet? He asked me why I suddenly changed my wear style ,is it had new boyfriend or what like that.
In addition, he is that kind of guy that can’t stay single and keep finding girls, always keep an eyes on any girl in college that he might easily approach.

Need HELP!
Just broke up with my boyfriend for second weeks, he is my first love and we being together for one year and one month already. We are having the same course in college, so we could see each other almost everyday although we have no contact like sms and call.
I feel heartbreaking because after that day we broke up, he keep saying he will never come back to me again and he even said that he feel better and freedom after break up.
What can I do to win him back ?
He said that his friends call him to stop wasting time on a girl they said that theres alot of girl out there waiting for him ,he even said that he lose his pride when with me so he wants to have it back again.
I know sometimes I’m kinda controlling him, but i text him and said that next time I won’t be so controlling in a relationship with guys already..But still he said our relationship had became a past and call me to forget him. But how can I forget him when I already trusted him and thinking for forever from the start.

me and my boyfriend have been together for a year now.. everything was zoo great between us, he used to spoil me all the time and give me whatever i want , and he was always there for me.. he got me expensive gifts he also proposed to me a gave me a ring .. but he had to leave town for a couple of months to study .. and i was devastated , i left all of my friends for him i got used to him and i just couldn’t take it when he’s away , once i was feeling lonely and tired my friend told me to go out with her to her beach house , and my boyfriend doesn’t like me to go there , so i asked him! he got pissed and hung up on me and didn’t speak to me for 2 days , after that he started to act like a child .. he gets mad and yell at me a lot . i tried to fix it but he’s too stubborn he’s not tying to fix things at all , a month passed with fights every single day then we talked and everything suddenly got back to normal and i was telling him that i can’t wait to see him .. while were talking i told him that i went to my friend’s wedding and they were all girls and i danced a lot .. he got mad at me for dancing in front of the people .. then he went to a wedding and danced with the girls there and when i showed him that i didn’t like it he got mad and told me to stop and that he just wanted to live the moment. and after that i came to london for the summer vacation and he’s here too .. I’ve been begging him to meet up with me and he’s coming up with excuses ..so i called him today and i told him that I’m mad at him because he’s ignoring me and not answering my texts and i keep waiting for he’s reply for hours and hours all day .. he told me that he doesn’t have the energy to try and fix things and he also said “but that doesn’t mean i don’t love you anymore” he also told me that i need a couple of days to think and blah blah blah .. he also said that “if i don’t want to see you ill left you know.. i want to see you but i can’t I’m with my family” the thing is i know that he loves me and care for me , but he’s not showing it and not making an effort what should i do ? and how do i get him to see me?!

I need some serious advice as I have been pulling my hair out regarding this guy at work.
Basically, I work with this guy, literally sit opposite him and we used to flirt with each other for about 4 months. We had ‘causal dinners’ together, nothing fancy after work. Just a social kind of thing. I hinted that I liked him and he says that ‘I’m cute but he knows what I want is a serious relationship and he can’t give that to me right now so it is better to concentrate on being friends instead’. Now after this comment, the flirting went on for about a month. Then he went on a short holiday (about 5 days) and when he came back he basically started treating me like ‘friends’. The flirting decreased and he was just friendly. So I asked him what was going on. He said that he was ‘sort of’ seeing someone and it was disrespectful of him if he comes over to my place to visit me. I honestly respect that, however, I really like him. I mean, come on, I see him everyday at work and I have fallen for this guy. He still talks to me, winks at me, smiles at me and minimum flirtation still goes on but I don’t know what to do. He also told me that he doesn’t want to date anyone at work because he has been burnt before and doesn’t want to get hurt.
PS: We have kissed and madeout as well but that was about it.
I really like him and I need to know what I should do. I can’t ignore him as he sits right in front of me. He is so good looking and the whole office regards him as a hunk. I’m the only one that he has ever kissed, hugged and madeout from the office.

I’m dating a guy. I’ve known him for 7 weeks but we started dating the 4th week. However, we had sex on the 6th week and a few days thereafter, I went to the movies with my friends. He sent me a text telling me he was at a restaurant with his team and asked me what I was doing. I told him I was at the movies with friends watching Iron Man. He said ‘thanks for the invite’, and I told him I thought he was clear for atleast 3 times that he doesn’t want to see those kind of movies. He stopped talking and chatting with me and refused to respond to my messages. At 3am, he sends me an ‘ok’ message, then follows with an ‘ok, no answer, fine.’ message. I didn’t respond cause I was in the middle of my sleep when my phone buzzed. I couldn’t understand it in the morning, but I was upset cause of the long silence and embarrassment that caused while with my friends. However, I messaged him to invite him to a bbq party. He refused to respond. I then called him with a number he didn’t recognize, he picked up, said he didn’t respond cause he was still awaiting my response to his message. I told him he had sent no question, and it was also pretty late when he sent the message. Anyways, it’s been a week now. Ever since then, he’s refused to initiate contact, and exchange loving wording that we do, even when I send him, he doesn’t respond. And now, we chat as though we were just friends. What should I do?

I’m in desperate need of help! Ok so on new years this year, my best friend and her older brother both had a party. They both had their sets of friends over. We were the first ones there getting everything ready. When her brother and few of his friends arrived I was the one who opened the door for them. Thats when I saw one of his friends, tall, and very attractive. I didn’t pay much attention to him because I had just broken up with my boyfriend recently and I wasn’t looking to talk to any guys. Basically by the end of the night he asked me for my number before he left, I gave it to him without hesitation because obviously we had hit it off. The next day we ended up hanging out and everything went great. I left for a week for a trip the next day and I didn’t speak to him until I got back. Once I was back he was still chasing me wanting to hang out and what not. I loved it. But I kept telling him that I wasn’t willing to do much. He tried for a bit and then it faded off a bit, a few weeks later it started again but I told him I was talking to my ex again and things were good so I didn’t wanna screw up. He got pretty upset and didn’t take it well. Then he backed off. Once that happened I realized I actually was very interested and I talked to him for a change. I didn’t like how it was turning out and the lack of attention I gave my ex made that fade off so I was 100% single again. The guy and I would hang out and talk a lot and we did hook up. He told me seriously that he didn’t just want sex, that he really liked me, this seemed genuine because he said if that’s all he wanted he would’ve left a long time ago. And it was true. The problem is me and him argued a lot. It was always on and off but when it was on it was amazing! Recently now he has completely shut me out.. He won’t text or call anymore and when I do he cuts me off short or just doesn’t reply at all. I’m a smart girl I won’t text him if he doesn’t’ answer but when I get drunk.. Sometimes I will and that’s not good. I really miss him and just want him to chase me again! Basically I hate that I like him because when I wasn’t interested life was just so much easier. I don’t know what to do!

I absolutely hate it when girls just stop paying attention to you. I am direct and I look for people who are not playing stupid games. I don’t understand why people just can’t be real anymore, and I hate it.

Hey Eric, first off you are very handsome…
anyway, i need some advice… i started seeing this guy and we hit it off he ended up buying a house within the first 3 days of us seeing eachother and later that week i ended up getting a key, it was perfect for the first week, then on a sunday he went out and never came home???? i texted him, no response, so i sent him another text telling him i was leaving and his key was on the mantle, still no response, well i left… we spoke the next day and decided to forgive him and start over, not 3 days later he does the same thing again :(… again we speak decide that everything moved to fast and decided to start over again, now obvious it’s different, he doesn’t ignore me, but i don’t see him as often as i like… when i do see him its heaven (no intamacy) just having fun… he tells me all the time how much he loves me but i’m so confused as to how you love someone so much you put no effort into making it work… so today i sent him a text telling him what i hated and what i needed to continue with our relationship and somekind of proof that he is serious, he asked me what kind of proof, obviously my response was i shouldn’t have to tell you, and that was the last i heard from him… should i cut my losses or wait it out to see if he comes around????? I thank you in advance for your input from a guy’s standpoint…

Ok so i text this guy for about two months i had known him since i was little but he is in college and im in high school so i never got to see him. he started trying to be controlling telling me during the summer we would be together and i couldnt wear shorts or bathing suits unless i was around him or at my house with no guys around. he started being a really big jerk and messing with my head so my sisters best friend who is also like my sister text him a very awful text and we never talked since. He is home from college now and i seen him at my school i paniced and left but seeing him has gave me very mixed feelings about him. and now i want him to have to chase we. What should i do? try to get him to chase me or just totally ignore him?

wow!!!! eric, you have really clarified things that have been driving me nuts trying to get. i have been talking to people just trying to understand thigns and put htings in perspective, and they think i’m obsessed. not saying i’m not, it is just hard to let go because i didn’t understand what i was doing wrong. sumof: like guy, i tell him, making hints i want to spend time with him more like a nincompoop i am… end result=i blow it, >( …

oh well, but it still hurts because we run into each other due to friend circles and he makes me feel sooooo pathetic, because he ignores me, ouch…with tears

I broke up with my ex boyfriend 6 months ago and told him not to contact me because I wanted to move on and forget him. I didn’t delete him off of FBK immediately, but noticed some tagged photos of him and his ex girlfriend (he dated her 3 yrs prior to me) I was extremely upset and blocked him and made all my friends delete him. I was so angry that when I dumped him he immediately went back to his ex which he claimed there was no romance and he didn’t find her attractive anymore (b.s). Anyhow, I started dating a new guy recently which gave me hope to move on once and for all. This week my ex boyfriend send me a text that he will be in town and wants to see me. I didn’t want to respond but part of me did b/c I wanted to confront him and get closure from all the lies he told me while we were together — although it may not be worth re-hashing all the past problems , part of me things that this will put the nail in the coffin for him not to contact me ever again. I do love still love him, don’t get me wrong…I care a lot for him but his behavior is disgusting, he used me and his ex gf for S*x and Money — and those kind of character flaws I can never get over — he has no shame in his game and that is what disgusts me. I ask myself why would I love someone that can be so wrong for me. Yet, he send me this message wanting to “catch up” — I took a day to respond and told him I’d be ok w/ meeting him and in my mind “end things, once and for all”. What i don’t get is why he still wants to keep in contact with me after, I sent him to hell twice!!

Hi Megan!
I was reading your comment and I hope I’m not too late in replying. I know the situation you are in right now. My first ex is a real scum bag and I know you love him and all that but he doesnt mean well. Trust me I made that mistake. People like that dont change and I call them opportunists. Now that I’m over him I find him repulsive. He still annoys me with messages and I just ignore him [its been over 4 yrs since I ended things with him]. He’s married to the girl he was cheating on me with and now hes doing the samething to her. I feel sorry for that poor girl. At least I’m out of it, I really was saved!

See this I don’t understand…you break up with him, then get mad because he’s dating someone else? He can date whoever he wants after you guys are broken up. Wow he wants to be friends..and you destroy him to make him go away. You’re awful.

I decided to try the online dating thing. I’ve never done it before and decided I would give it a try. I recieved several messages, hits, etc., but wasn’t really interested. I came across one man who caught my attention. He was VERY charming and after about 2 messages via online communication we exchanged numbers.

We seem to connect. He would text me every day almost all day and would constantly make plans to meet up.

PROBLEM- After about 2 1/2 months we’ve only spent “face” time together twice. Which would be fine, except he constantly brings up the idea of spending time together only when I initiate something he says ok but does not follow through.

He texts me WAY more than he calls. He would literally text me ALL day and Night (Yes, we both have careers blame it on technology:). However, I’ve had a hard time reaching him when I call him. He doesn’t pick up.

I adore the attention from him and he must of had a crystal ball because he gives me enough to keep me wanting him. He “says” he really likes me, misses me, can’t wait to see me, but he doesn’t committ to spending time. I’ve mention it to him and he agrees he has an issue with the on and off behavior.

Rationally, I see all the warning flags (and it’s more prevalent as i’m writing :( ) which leads to all the obvious- he’s in a relationship, he has alot of options and your not at the top of the list yet (a male friend told me that one SMH)etc…

My defense mech. is to leave and just walk away when any type of flags are raised with a man and I have with him.

I can be really sharp with my words when i’m hurt and feel like i’m being mislead. I was with him, left (no text or calls) missed him, came back and he let me back in. We went out and then went back to the previous pattern, texting, miss ya, wanna see you ..only this time he listened and doesn’t say yes to plans I initiate only not to follow through.

I’m trying my best to be open and less negative, usually assuming the worse. My heart tells me to be patient, but be aware, it’s only been 2 months and see where this goes. The truth always comes out anyway but the rationally me says- Seriously, you should of walked away and stayed away a long time ago. Stop being needy and realize all attention is not good attention.

Do I allow myself to be vunerable for once and take a chance or do I pack up my emotions for him, send them sailing and move on??

P.S I do keep my options open and allow myself to see other people (no other perspective interest though:() He reaches out to me more than vice versa. I’ve stopped initiating we hang out and friends keep me busy socially.

But I just can’t get this man out of my head and knowing deep down I would rather be with him…feel like an Usher song!

It is totally possible to get a man who is only mildly/somewhat/less interested chasing after you. BUT before you do it you must evaluate how much emotional stability and self control you have. Both of these things are necessary to get a man more interested in you. You must also only be interested in and dating the one guy you’re trying to manipulate. Otherwise, what you’re doing is just plain mean. Most importantly, the method I explain below only works under certain conditions. 1) A man must be clearly less interested in you than you are in him. 2) You’ve embarrassed yourself by nagging him too early, being too aggressive, or doing something that has lessened his interest in you. 3) A man who has been aggressively pursuing you has suddenly become distant. MOST importantly 4) you’ve been giving this man a lot of attention and hearing from you has become something he can count on and something that happens many+ times per day. Lots of contact makes this method more successful but isn’t totally necessary for it to work. Here is what you do:

Disappear unprompted without warning. He cannot know you’re hurt or annoyed by his lack of interest. Don’t text him, call him, nothing. You want to remove attention you’d been giving him previously so he misses it and tries to get it back. You also want to give him time to really think about you and acknowledge your many positive attributes. He can’t do this if you’re constantly giving him something new to think about by texting him all day.

A man who was only mildly interested in you might not notice that he hasn’t heard from you for a few days or even a couple weeks. I’ve dated a man who didn’t contact me for two weeks. He might be going through his text conversations deleting stuff and find yours and suddenly realize you’ve stopped talking to him. He might see something that reminds him of you or something you said and remember that he hasn’t heard from you. Regardless, most men will slightly panic because they’ve been rejected. You’ve simply disappeared without warning and he is going to start thinking about why. He’s also going to re-evaluate how special you are because you had the balls to ditch HIM.

Self control and having your emotions in check is really important. When you cut the cord with a guy you MUST be prepared to never heard from him again. You probably will, but be prepared. If you don’t hear from someone, you didn’t have a chance anyway so you’ve done yourself a favor by not wasting any more of your time. The key is to be nice and friendly and available before you make yourself scarce so he isn’t nervous about contacting you.

this is great advice … but what if the guy that lost interest in you is your best friends cousin that lives with her and you see him all the time :( what can you do then :( i cant stop hanging out with her

I really, really, REALLY, want him back. I don’t know why, I just DO. I wish there was some way I could just get him to notice me again. Because I am super shy and I don’t like talking to my exes because it’s always awkward, so I never do. But then again, I really want him back. In class when he’s passing out papers, he has to tell my friends to give the papers to me! Am I really that big of a turn-off?! Or is it some kind of shy guy code that no girl can EVER understand?!

Hi y’all,
Frustrated & searching for answers! There’s a guy I’ve sort of been seeing although haven’t seen him much because of drama in his work & life. We are both in our thirties, he is divorced and I am inexperienced in relationships and neither of us is looking for anything serious. We’ve only been out a few times but have fun when together when texting back & forth. I know that he likes me or did like me, but he sounded strange when I last texted him. We are pretty cas w/ one another so I thought it would be okay to invite him to dinner because I had a gift card to a certain restaurant and he had previously treated me. Then, no response. I have heard nothing from him and am worry I never will. Was it so wrong to ask him out? All I wanted was to do was hang out w/ someone I like & do something nice for him. I get it. I wasn’t a “challenge”, but how was I supposed to know? I wasn’t being needy. How can a girl do anything right? This is why I don’t want to date.

Hey Tracy,
.
I doubt that his “weirdness” had anything to do with you asking him out to dinner. If a girl asked me out to dinner, I would appreciate the gesture… it certainly wouldn’t be a turn off.
.
I don’t recommend using texting as a barometer on the quality of your relationship. And if there is really a problem, I’d be almost positive it has nothing to do with you asking him to dinner.

also in the same situation, the guy did say he is busy and wants to be friends with me as he is more occupied of other things. we still communicate but less frequent now. I do like him a lot and do not want to give up on him but I do not know when really not wanting a relationship or was just annoyed because I was all of a sudden made a mistake of becoming needy. I did it and can’t turn the clock back. But still want to try if there is hope that we continue with the communication well, hopefully he will like me as much as chase me in a romantic way. He seems to be a workaholic, I am not sure if he just says busy because he do not want to talk with me. But during the first months that we communicate he mentioned that he has not been going out with a lady/friend for sometime and he enjoyed being with me. That was before I made a mistake though of somewhat becoming too needy.

I’ve been talking to this guy for several months. We liked each other from the start but mainly were just friends until about 3 months ago. We’ve had a few arguments and I kept breaking up with him and finally he said I’m sick of this. Either you want me and a family or you don’t. I told him I didn’t want to lost him because I loved him. He said then give me an answer! Yes you want me or no you don’t. Of course I wanted him. We then planned for me to transfer to his town and and after I took out a $700 loan and started my transfer things changed. I went up to talk to who would’ve been my new boss and everything felt perfect! He sat outside waiting for me until I was finished. We hung out and kissed. He’d asked me how I’d feel about marrying him before he went back into the air force so we could live on base btw.. But the next day he started getting distant. Then he tells me we aren’t prepared! I’d put everything on the line for him and he changed his mind. He talked to me a couple times more about life as a military wife then when his job didn’t work out in town he continued to get distant. He disappeared for 3 days and I thought he had just dumped me without telling me. Instead he said he had gone camping and hiking with just him and his dog. He said he was so very stressed out and needed to clear his head. He is still distant with me. Why make all these plans with me and ask me to marry him if he didn’t want me? I have been cheated on in the past and I had let.my temper loose several times via text. He told me before he.disappeared that he wanted to make sure we had a good life and he took jobs getting paid under the table. I just don’t know what to do. I’ve never felt.this way before. During those days when he was gone I felt empty. He’s a good ol’ country man who served in the army for 4 years. He’s an absolute gentleman. He won’t even let me talk about sex much. He looks me in the eyes even when I have cleavage. His laugh is infectious. What can I do to get him back?

Same situation with my ex boyfriend. Would want to marry me then call it off, it was a vicious cycle. The last time I was prepared to move across the country to be with him. 4 yrs wasted in an On & off relationship with him. But ultimately him backing out & leaving me w/out housing was the last straw but that point I was so resentful towards him that we could never be together again.

My advice to you would be to give him some space to think. I know it’s hard because you’ve sacrificed everything for him. But you might drive him away instead of salvaging your relationship.
If he does this again (proposes & renigs) save yourself the trouble & leave him. & that’s coming from someone who lived it.

Hi,
So theres this really cute guy i saw yesterday at knotts berry farm (an amusment park)
And me and my friends are freaking out, because he is so cute. So we decided to follow him (yeah, i know kind of creepy) and he keeps looking back at me..
So my friend decides to yell ” hey hottie, my friend thinks your cute”
And she points to me when she said that
Then he turns aroud, he totally heard it! And he fixes his hair, and then we walks up to me.
Then he said “hey”
Then i said “hi” and im blushing. Then he keeps on checking me out, and scooting closer to me)
Then he said to me and my friend ” im gonna hang out with you guys, okay?”
And we said k.
And then were standing there just me, him, and my friend, and he’s really close to me.
So he kept on checking me out, and then he said to me “hey, do you wanna go make out?”
And i had a mini heart attack! And then im trying to think what i should do! Since i dont even know his name, i said “im good”, it was really awkward… I kind of felt bad.. And i wished i said yes. ( but i hope i made the right desicion) and my friend is standing there, and its all awkward.. But then we said “im gonna go on a ride, lets meet up here when were done”
And we never saw each other again…
Im really sad, i didnt even get his number! And i keep on thinking about him, I will never find anyone more perfect than him..
Please be honest, Do you guys think he is thinking about me, like im thinking about him?

hi,
I had this guy who loved me alot. For two years after being in relation, he suddenly started moving away. I was broken in the beginning but over time i took hold of myself and moved on . But i still love him. After 6 months he came back and called me up to hang out. We went out for movies and dinners and started having fun again. But now again he has started to stay away. He does not call or text me. I am completely fine with that also. But I really want him to like me the way he used to like me before. I wish to be in relation with him forever. Its just that whenever I also start being close to him, he starts to move away. And now even after one month of no contact from me he doesn’t remember to call me and instead when i called him today he just said that he was busy. Should I go and seriously slap him now ?

Well There Is This Guy And We Have Been Dating Since December of 2010 . He Use To Chase After Me Like He Would Text And Call Me Alot, We Would Have Wonderful Conversations, And He Wasn’t Ashamed Of Me To Anyone Even His Family. This Year We Had Broken Up Because We Got In A Situation That I Will Not Say. We Still Talk And We Got Over The Situation But He Changed. Our Conversations Are Boring Unless We Would Talk About Him Wanting To Have Sex With Me. We Still Make Out And He Says He Loves Me Only If I Make Him Say That. If I Would Talk About Us Getting Back Together, He Would Not Respond Or Say That He Would Not Want To Talk About It. He Also Says The Same Thing Over And Over Every Single Day And It Is “K” and “Ok”. It Bothers Me Alot And I Do Not Know How He Is Feeling About Me. Im Still In Love With Him And I Can’t Get Over It Because We Had Something Special Together. What Should I Do ? And Yes This May Sound Confusing By The Way.

So this guy i like he came to me and asked for my number but we were friends like aquantances and then this year he got my number and texted me saying sweet things, one night i stayed over his house nothing but foreplay and a few days later he said we should just be friends but he had a gf and eventually we stopped talking, once he broke up with her he came back to me and we recently go into a fight last week on friday and he got mad when i texted him tuesday he said dont talk to me anymore and i asked why all he said was just don’t. SO what should i do now because i do like him and i care for him how do i know if he still cares, what am i suppose to do now because i dont know at this point.

i met a guy randomly in a store, we flirted, he asked for my number, he called and msged consistently, we had a great first date – had excellent conversation and laughed the whole time. had a good second date as well, then suddenly the texting isnt coming in, and i ahvent heard from him in 4 days! the last msg was from me saying “let me know when youre free”. should i face up to the reality that hes just not that into me? or should i msg him?

What if you told this guy how you feel and he ends up without any answer. But few weeks later you hang out at the same place as the guy you like because that was the normal original spot where i always hang out. Then two weeks later, He tries to get my attention with flirting and it seems to work but his friend always seems to bother me with the teasing. Then later on, we broken our friendship because of his friend say or told him about rumors that made him mad at me. After that we are no longer friends. Two months later we saw each other at the party and he seems to have interested in me. Do I chase him or leave him behind even if he is the one who broke off our friendship because of some tease. It is hard to explain but that is how I put it.

Me and this guy used to be friends for about 3 years.
then suddenly he acted like he was really really interested in me this year.
i asked him if he was using me but he said he wasnt.
we were kinda together at the time.
we both decided to become friends again.
then he decided to be nasty to me.
now he is totally ignoring me n i dont know why.
i just dont understand him anymore.
i had feelings for him for a while.
But those feelings are gone now.
i miss him.
i want him to be chasing me again on texts instead of me chasing him.

All you girls are really stupid..
Regardless of the situation, all you need to do is challenge the poor guy.
And you can do this with ANYTHING!
The way you act, speak, and do stuff.

If you don’t challenge your man/boyfriend/what-ever, then he will lose interest.
Remember. A guy isn’t looking for a sweet girl. No he wants a challenge FIRST, and sweet girl second. Being a challenge will make you look sexy, because he has to work a little bit harder for you, and in the end he will love you for it. In short, be a little bit bitchy.
I’m a guy. I know what I’m talking about. But it’s up to you to listen, or just continue your petty way’s to lead up to this point. Your call.

Greg i agree! Here is my two cents on this matter………. Not trying to toot my own horn but i pay hard to get to an extent and interested in a wa y to make him curious which makes you seem like a challenge. Im very out spoken and speak my mind no matter what! My aggressive, honesty, goofy, and confident personality makes guys want me even more besides the fact im a bad ass with qualities every man wants to have in a woman! hehe :) Women be confident! Know you are the ruler! You run this not the man! Its all about acting interested and not interesting in one; if that makes sense? Dont be clingy, annoying, constantly expressing your feelings, bitchy, jealous, desperate, or pushy. Everybody wants what they cant have…. Right? So why not act interested but in a not so clingy way. For instance you may hang out one night and everything goes awesome and you think about him the rest of the night, but dont let him know that!… The next day let him text you first! and be short. It will keep him guessing and interested and trust me he will want you more and more. Just my opinion though!!!

hey the article is good.but im still in dilemma. i met this guy online 3years ago..we were such good friends untill last year around april when he finally asked for my contact and asked that we meet. it all went well n soon after he started texting me quite more often..i wasnt so sure about it but i was always nice to him..we got really close and wouldn’t go a day without texting each other finding out about everything from family to what we did all day. we hanged out a lot often too he even invited me to his bro’s bday party where i met his mom who was very nice n also very inquisitive about me. i know almost all his cousins with whom he hangs out alot n they even recognize me as his girlfriend.problem is, we’ve never really talked about us and our relationship.im a shy girl and i think he too is abit shy about it.
recently he met another girl, he has not told me yet but i can tell from how she tweets him and last friday i snooped through his phone and found out they have been texting each other alot and he’s just as nice to her as he was to me when we first met. they’ve even hanged out together a few times behind my back. haven’t asked him about her but i think i should.we still talk and he still cares but you can tell things are not the same as before.sometimes he texts later than before n leaves our convos hanging. i finally asked him what he thinks about us n he said maybe we should talk about it the next time we hook up. im so scared n sad too coz i donno what will happen n i really do like him..im almost certain to say i’m in love with him.please help!!

please HELP
i was with my ex for 4yrs,i kinda ended it but he ended it in the end but says i did,we didnt speak for a month or so,we started talking again and hanging out,i thought we were on the path to get back together because of the things he was saying and doing but when we talked he says he doesnt want a relationship but he’s not acting like it…… someone please help i dont no what to do

hello jane my opinion is that if your ex-mate wants a pure relationship then only you become close to him other wise you are wasting time ,if he is innocent love with you then only you become close to him otherwise there is chances that you can be seperated again its not a joke be serious

I have been with my fiancé for 3 years! The first year we were in the total honey moon stage, he’d surprise me with flowers chocolate take me out, wine and dine me… Well a year and a half into our relationship I got pregnant and that couldn’t have brought us any more joy! ( I forgot to mention that he was my neighbor of 3 years before we started dating) well during my pregnancy he couldn’t have been any more perfect while I became this EVIL PREGNANT BITCH! I was horrible I put him through hell ! I didn’t mean it personally I swear! It was my tweaked out hormones, I was so bad I’d through things , kick him out, I even slapped him ! But he still stayed! After our son was born things got better but we than started to fight about normal baby stuff , his fights usually started with ” well my mom ” and that just ticked me off . Our son is now 10 months and the fighting is better from than but now our fights are because he doesn’t talk to me , he keeps everything bottled up till he explodes and his out bursts are just getting more frequent and more violent , idk what to do and I’m trying to make things better , I cook , I clean, and take care of the baby by myself so he isn’t stressed after a long day of work, I’ve told him repeatedly all he has to do is communicate with me! And his reply is ” I’m a man I don’t express myself , that’s some girly shit” … Real mature right?
Please help me! ( he now likes to tell me ” we need a break” or he just can’t take my attitude anymore, and won’t deal with it the rest of his life ” ) I’m so confused ! I need help!

There is no problem with you actually try to become more close to each other love him more then he will also love you.Try to go out with your baby for a week go for an outting for a week or so then you all will be happy dont kick him again and tell him with love ,your love will change him also this will be your new life entry god will bless you my best wishes try to be happy always cook him his best dishes he will be happy become mature enough now you are a mom so you have to be mature enough , and treat him well he will be also change

ok i know this guy from work and he gave me his # and we only text eachother for one week we never talk on the phone.he asked me out for a movie but i told him” i dont wanna go out with u bc i think u r kind of a player and ive heard u have all the girls number. ” he was mad at me and said we dont need to talk anymore but i really like him what can i do to make him ask me out again its been three day since he stops text me.i never text him bc i dont wanna b needy will he talk to me again

Hey, why do you really want to pursue him now? It seems like his response to you has worked perfectly and now you want him and are thinking of ways to “get him to come back”. If you look at your message, all the reasons why you SHOULDN’T even bother with this guy are right there. 1. He gave you his number. I consider that a LAZY move from guys, then he can sit back and have you come to him (along with the other girls he gives his number to). 2. He never called you. If he’s interested he’d want to talk to you and get to know you. A lot of guys don’t like talking on the phone the way girls do but at least in the very beginning they would so they can show their interest or at the very least, pretend to care. 3. Your instinct was to tell him no- ALWAYS follow your instinct. 4. He’s a bit of a player. Do you really want to be another girl on his list? Unless he shows you with his actions from the beginning that you are more than just another girl, why put yourself in the firing line? 5. When you told him how you felt he got mad and said you don’t need to speak anymore? If he cared for you or your opinion of him, he would be an adult and tell you that what you said was wrong or that it bothered him since you don’t really know him and he can show you what he is really like. 6. He’s a guy from work. This is usually a bad idea! Trust yourself and your instincts. My advice would be to leave it alone, but that’s just me. If not, then leaving it alone is probably what you should do to get him to notice you again anyway, since ignoring them and going on with your life usually seems to get their attention.

This article makes sense as far as it doesn’t matter so much what the guy does as long as you are happy in your life you will be fulfilled and not obsessing over him. But in my case I am confused about one thing:

Been friends with this guy he did all those cutsie 3rd grade things but was also subtly affectionate and bent over backwards to do anything for me, and I always appreciated him and never took him for granted and I even flirted back while maintaining my own life. We were just barely starting to hang out one on one when he got distant and just kept hanging out with mutual friends more and we didn’t talk as much.

As time went on we started arguing a lot for no reason and wed do this off and on.

Now its at the point where he doesn’t say much to me if he does he’s always nice and sweet but its just small talk. Can’t blame him there were days where I paid him no mind. I realize now that I wasn’t handling things right cause its just game playing.

So I’m making more effort but not being needy so for its sorta working, he’s slowly starting to initiate but its not like before.

So i have liked this guy for along time and we have had a few things before. One night was perfect and then from there on it wasnt so great. so i stopped talking to him /looking at him for months on edge. The new year came along and all we ever do is look at eachother! And when im with friends and im looking the other way they will be like he just looked at you. In a basketball game not to sound kreepy or anything but we counted how many times he looked at me.. 25 time. Hes in 2 of my classes now and i try to say hi to him. One day in math i found out he was moving.. It tore me apart and at that moment i thought well i have nothing to loose so go talk to him! Before the bell rang i asked to talk to him. when the bell rang i waited for him and then we talked till i got to my locker. I asked him if he would be interested in hanging out and he said yeah he will see what hes doing that weekend, and i said he should message me and he said he will. He never did. And i did and he still didnt. But Hes gone for a week now. I just want to be friends with him and hang out atleast once before hes gone, and i never see him again. I will regret this so much if i dont try my hardest and everyday i try now. What do i do from here?

The guy am seeing has been withdrawing over the past two weeks.
that weekend there he surprised me at my regular club (after telling me he was going to another), i didn’t hang about him all night i did my own thing and left him and his mate to do there own thing. When i did see him he would kiss me in front of other girls etc.
I brought up the fact we had barely spoke he said he had stuff going on so i asked him does he want me to back off he told me no he didn’t want that so i dropped the subject and went back to kissing him and stuff.
But he hasn’t spoke a word to me since and i feel like lately am the one doing all the contact :/
He says he is bad for texting and i can deal with that but not hearing a word makes me feel like he isn’t interested. yet he will do really sweet things when he does see me :S

Okay. I literally read this jaw-dropping attention as the situation and advice applied exactly to my situation. I have been stressing over my guy’s actions lately (hence, on this site) and I am so glad I stumbled upon advice that actually made sense and convinced me not to play games to get him back! This is brilliant.

I think it is so true that women want to be in control the relationship, and that is why we come on these forums confused and angry! Thank you for opening my eyes to themotivs behind my actions I couldn’t recognize, and for being a man by helping us girls out!

I’m really glad you liked this article.
.
People want to talk about games and manipulation, but really in the end it’s about learning to be happy and fulfilled within yourself and moving through the world that way.
.
The truth is a person can manipulate another person in the short term, but it’s not long before they see the manipulation for what it is and once they do it’s over for good. But when you’re happy and generous with yourself and SELECT a winner (not a greedy loser who’s going to just feed off of you), then you’ll enjoy all the joy a great relationship can bring.

So this guy tells all his frat brothers and a few of my sisters that he really likes me and has never met a girl like me before. He knows how I feel about him; that I really like him, however he keeps making plans and gets out of them or flakes last minute…for instance we made plans to meet for lunch on a Monday, but he was sick so it got moved to Thursday. On Tuesday night he says he forgot that he had a meeting to attend…that has been his excuse several times…this weekend he cancels dinner in Friday, makes me find him that night at a party. We hang out all night and he says see u tomorrow; only to “forget his phone” and ignore me all day after asking me out…and again today. What does this mean????

It means he’s not really interested. If he was he wouldn’t jeopardize all these chances to be with you. He wouldnt want to blow it. He obviously doesn’t value the fact that you want to see him too and every time you go ahead and reschedule with him it shows him that he can get away with it. I know you like him, but it sounds like you need to stop wasting your time on him and spend it on someone who’s worth it like yourself, friends or someone else who comes along once you’re no longer occupied with him. Good luck :-)

This is great I most say.I just got this quick question.I mean I am not blowing my trumpet but I know am cultured with great potentials but not only that ,also pretty and love fashion.Meaning every guy meets me some how gets attracted to me.But unfortunately,I always have a problem with the men or guys who come to me.I have been wondering,I try really hard for someone not to notice my flaws,wc anger is one.I use to talk to this guy and he suddenly stop talking to me.I do like him,and it really hurts thoe and am more than bothered.I mean we have over 2000text messages in less than 2months.I mean if he doesn’t feel me like that again why doesn’t he just make me know.I believe things happen.I enjoy his friendship and accompany.

This is great I most say.I just got this quick question.I mean I am blowing m trumpet but I know am cultured with great potentials but not only that ,also pretty and love fashion.But unfortunately,I always have a problem with the men or guys who come to me.I have been wondering,I try really hard for someone not to notice my flaws,wc anger is one.I use to talk to this guy and he suddenly stop talking to me.I never liked him but I can’t believe everyday I think of him and what wrong I did.I am so sure but I need help thoe.

so im having this issue with my ex we didnt work out because he never made time for me but as soon as we broke up he was calling me and telling me he misses me and how good i am, he doesnt want to let me go he loves me and blah blah blah. Then we just agreed to just have sex and thats fine with me, but he acts as if he wants to spend time with me but never does it. So now we were suppose to meet for our sexual escapade and one minute he is just blowing up my phone like yea i want to see you etc. etc. and then the next i go to see him and its a different story….IDK im tired of the the talk and no walk i thought this would be simple since we had an understanding or at least i thought we did but its the same bs

i love this boy so much i will never let him go you dont no how much i love him i will tell you how much i love him. when he crys i cry when he run i run with him. when his head down mine is too when he is in trobble i will help him get out of it and i cry. when he goes up stairs with his tss i cry because i miss him when i am not with him. when his heart is broken mine is broken more. because i love him. when i go to my house i cry i am not with him. and if he goes any where i go with him when i see him i freak out i be like laughing talking too him i am all over the place i am goning too love him forever . no matter what people say to me i wil keep him close to my heart for ever

Great article and all true. Im living proof. Met a guy in August and moved to same city because my mom lives here. when me and him met initially i was involved with someone else. He was chasing hard. I broke up with old boyfriend and moved here and now Im hearing things like “Lets take things slow.” etc. He invites me over or comes here and stays on his telephone for hours. its like hes punishing me. He states he still stays in contact with ex girlfriends and im supposed to be cool with that….yea right. Im turning the tides. Today he called and instead of staying on the phone I let him know I was on another call. Ive been too available and have allowed him to pace the relationship. Now Im reversing everything.

How is it working out for u. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and he takes me for granted. I have cut off contacting him. I only respond to him with 1 word answers in text politely. Am I doing right

He use to tell me he loved me quite frequently via text… email & in person. We’ve had a breakup and are seeing eachother again trying to rebuild this. Since our breakup he doesnt say he loves me anymore… not by texts or on the phone… I only hear him whisper it when he holds me or thinks Im asleep! ??? Its not like he’s never said it before! I do feel sum kind of wall or block… he says we’re missing intimacy. Yet he… I dont get it. We’ve known eachother for 10 years been dating for 2years… any idea what this means?

It probably means he was deeply hurt by the breakup, and most likely it still hurts him, and he is afraid to say too much and show his vulnerable side. While you’ve been together before and have known each other for so long, you still broke up, and you can’t just pretend that it didn’t happen, you have rebuild that relationship, to start over and take things slow. It’s a good thing that he still tells you he loves you, even if he only does it when he thinks you’re sleeping. Just appreciate those moments, take it slow and work on whatever went wrong in the first place.

I have been dating a guy I met trought one of my good friends. It about three months dating him. he is the type of guy text few times at day depends on his work schedule, he calls and talks more over the phone but not everyday. He beings very sweet, kind, thoughtful and never left me hanging on a text before. We had spent last weekend Friday day before xmas eve together, he surprised me with a
Basquet of chocolate and a cute piece of jewerly he knows a like crosses. We don’t have a title yet of what we have or what we r heading to.. He introduced me twice to his close friends different times, and he treated me very affectioned and in one point I felt were a couple.
Its been two days I don’t hear from him. His last text was Monday night saying he had a good day with friends and family. Wishing me a great night and he will keep me updated for Thursday. I did invited him this Thursday for roller skates with some of my friends and cousins.
I don’t know what to think about why is he acting like That? I don’t know what to do either. Please I need advise.
Thanks.

hey so ive just split from my ex boyfriend and i am devastated to say the least

i was with him for 3 years and he was and is my first love. i am tryin to get him back with all my power but im not gonna lie its exhausting…however i do feel that he is worth it. the thought of him being with someone else, smiling with them, laughin with them and kissin them the way he was with me makes me feel physically sick and like i could just burst into tears.
heres the thing… and your all gonna say time to move on blah blah blah but please dont… please help me figure out how to get him back….i have caught him on a few dating websites..chattin to lots of girls but none have responded to him (cant help but feel a little bit happy by that) i wondered if he would be missin me and thinkin about me… and if he has joined these sites as a way to pass the time and to get some attention??? what do you think?
he has also started running at night and he never done this before… now i have joined the gym as a way to stop me from thinkin about him when im in my room at night… do you think he has started running as a way of distracting himself from thinkin about me?

Ok im 12 i will not say my name and please answer back but i have a crush on someone and he dosent know me but i love him and i would text him but he probbaly blocked me and i dont know what to do and are school is going to a movie next friday and i wanted him to sit with me but he thinks im a stalker.

I just spent 3 days super-chasing my boyfriend who wanted ‘space’. Luckily I now feel ok to give him his ‘space’ but it feels so bad – physically. Thing is, I know I have to do this for there to be any chance of us restoring our relationship. If I chase, it’ll be ended for good. If I do no contact, there’s a chance. I’m not really sure what to do now though… I have 3 children and he knows my routine, so I can’t start suddenly having a new life to allow him to chase me. He did say that he needs time to feel that he misses me, as he’s not had the chance to feel that for a while and it makes him feel like there’s something missing in the relationship. He’s used to ex’s who have messed him about, actually not treated him well, so I guess, he’s used to the chase and with me he hasn’t had that. I have always been available, well almost always. Not because I’ve re-arranged my life for him, just that I’m here and if he is only able to see me on say Weds, then I can do my hobby on another night – it feels petty to say I’m doing my hobby on that exact night, the only one he has available. So, I’m struggling to work out how to give him the feeling of the chase. Any ideas?

I have to thank you Eric for all the great advice you give on this site. basically, my story is that I’ve been seeing this guy for a little more than a month. I think I have been pretty good about not being too needy. This was all important to me because I finally met a guy I really liked and in the past I did everything that your not supposed to do in relationship and low and behold, I drove all of them away!! This relationship I have started out amazing with him texting me all this sweet stuff and saying all these nice things to me. Now, he is withdrawing and just doesn’t seem as interested as before but he still sets up dates and I can tell he somewhat wants to see me. We see each other usually once during the week and try to on the weekends but the past couple of weekends I haven’t been seeing him. During the week when we don’t see each other we text occasionally but he has gotten bad at responding. He still seems like he wants to see me and take me out, but I think I want more out of this because we only text occasionally during the day and don’t talk on the phones. I’m at a point in my life where I want to spend weekends with someone and connect with someone and I’m not sure why he is withdrawing because I think I was pretty reserved/not needy. My question is, do you think its worth it to stay in this? Also, am I asking for too much too soon? I don’t need to talk to him or see him every second of the day but it would be nice to talk a bit more to get closer and learn more about him. I brought up that I wish we could speak to each other more during the week like on the phone and not texting and maybe we don’t want the same things, ect. But he hasn’t responded yet (I just sent that a little while ago). Should I look for someone else? I really like him but do you think its just a phase or should I give up?

Im in high school and i like this guy we used to talked last yr alot and this yr i dont have any classes with him and i barley see him. I talked to him la few times this yr. Hes really popular so its hard and alot of girls like him. I asked for his number and he gave it to me but he never texted me back. He never talks to me i always have to go talk to him. And now one of these girls who is popular and his friend is telling everyone i like him whenever im around(i have a class with her) what do i do? and what does this mean? please dont say move on
Thank you

So i met this guy on the internet don’t laugh please and we were talkin for a while he’s in the middle of divorce and blew up my email in the beginning telling me he found me and was immediately attracted to me we are exactly alike from ny and have the same things in common he loves my eyes and my blonde hair and we both have kids he wants to get rid of his house and car and give it all to his wife so he can complete the divorce and move on he told me he really thinks i could be the one to help him move on and he wants me to take off work to meet up with him and otherwise we would meet up on the weekend he kept telling me that and also told me he wants to have babys’ and asked me to be his girl blah blah and move on with his life and then he stopped answereing his phone when we were suppose to meet up and emailed me back appoligizing tellin me he lost his phone but then called me from his phone and told me he ordered a new one if u lost your phone why woulld u be on the phone u said u lost and then i found out the business he told me started wasn’t in fact his business it was someone else’s that he works with he is just a worker and he gave me a address inviting me over and i couldn’t even find it on mapquest and i even looked for the address and the address was no where to be found he jsut moved here from ny so i thought maybe he just got the address name wrong but i couldn’t have been more wrong a few nights ago i was hangin out with a friend for my bday they brought drinks over and we headed to the hot tub i was honest and told him wat i was doin and he automaticly said why are u tellin me ur goin to the hot tub with a friend i’m not trying to play games my daughter is the most important in my life and i don’t have time for this lose my number and the best of luck to u with ur life and then ten min later he calls me doesn’t answer and then i try calling back he answers and says i can visit him now i’m confused as hell seeing as though i’ve been blowing up his phone with voicemails and texts and emails what do i do to get his attention again and get him chasing me again?

jennica … hun stop chasing after him he sound fricken bipolar -.- yess u might still have that sort of connect but hey once u keep givin him all this attetntsion he will kinda think its desprite no offense :/ ease up with everything … make it look liek your happy and u dnt need him … nd hopefully he will coem runnin back . if not he was just a dream seller honey :(

i knew a guy who liked me 4 years back but when he asked me out back then i turned him down knowing i loved him back because he was known as a “player” and i decided to stop communicating with him for a while but we started talking a few months back.. it was the 1st time we talked in 4 years… and we still had the same feelings for eachother… and i finally gave in and we got together … after a week i introduced him to my good friend,lets call her “y” and him “x”.. and they got close… we started getting into fights and “y” was always there to comfort “x” and he broke up with me after a month and got with her the very same day :’( I know “y” well for the past 8 years… but she accepted him only because she felt lonely.. but she was really in love with someone else.. and she decided to break up with him after the 3rd week.. when they were going through a break up I was always there for both of them.. and my ex wanted me back and promised not to hurt or leave me again and he told me that im the one that he truly likes.. so I thought to give him a 2nd chance.. and after 3 days he left me again because he wanted my friend back badly… but she turned him down because she din wanna get hurt again…what do I do?? He’s not talking to me… I really care for him… I do want him but not sure if its right.. and how do I get him back?

*sigh* guys are so much to handle and u gatta know what your handling .. and on the other hand u gatta know how to make them feel good and liek u care …but in a good way … a girl should never be teh chaser the guys have to coem to the girls :) in my opinion :D becuase u dnt wanna be chasing chasing ….then at the end u did that for nothing …but really u just look desperate and and needy . independent ..wise .and smart ..:) u will have him in a blink of an eye :)

I want to hang out with this guy, and I still want to give him a chase. He rarely asks me to hang out with him because he is busy. I want him to feel like he has to work to hang out with me but if he asks I feel like if i dont say yes I wont see him for a long time. How should I answer next time he asks? I still want him to chase me.

It seems as if he is not that interested if he is not making the effort to meet up. Being busy is understandable but if you really want to see someone, you will. I’m sure if you were super busy or tired, but really wanted to see him you would still try your best to make it happen. If he asks just say that you have plans for that occasion but you can arrange something thats suitable for you both and arrange it in that same convo.

I’m so glad I’m reading these. The thing is, I realized he really wasn’t just ditching me out of the blue when he stopped talking. I’d put myself down and he’d say “I hate when you do that. Why do you always do that?” And “Be more confident”, he’d reassure me with “Cheer up!” and “Because I love you and I think you’re awesome!” But never really anything specific to build me up, and I hated it. I know I’ve been coming on really strong lately, I want to say things and I just can’t control it, I feel like honesty is the only way I’ll get anywhere. I should’ve noticed when he said “ha yeah” as a response…*Facepalm*. I also realized that he paid way more attention to me after I didn’t say much to him when we hung out with other friends. I thought it was just seeing me in the flesh that did it, but now I realize it’s because I act way less needy in person, like way way less. And that’s when he likes me the most. But I also want to compliment him all the time…how do I find a happy medium with that? :/

hey everyone. im at a very young age and already having allll these issues with a guy. hes put me under the stress of a fish being out of water and trying to get back in again, all year and now its summer and i need a break. he wont let me do that. apparently his mind changes from day to day to week to week, whether he really still likes me or not…dont have a clue in this world. but im going to listen to everybodys advice with not chasing after him anymore, and if when i dont chase him he doesnt follow me back…im done with him for good. i knew i shud have been a long time ago and my parents and sister were driving me crazy with them saying how i should just get the frick over him, but i couldnt and i think nows the time. its really nice to know that im not alone suffering my problems that no one else had, but this article it was like “has this guy eric met me?” “did he write this article because he has been following my life for the past year?” thanks everyone :)

This whole thing is a cat and mouse game. When you pay attention to a guy, he likes it. But he won’t chase as much. When you stop paying attention, they get worried and chase you harder. Lol. You have to hold back girls. Don’t fall too hard. Keep your cool and your mind busy. Casually text or call him. But don’t over do it. Hard to do, guys seem to get by pretty easy. But in reality they want to see if we are still interested and they hold back as well.