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Writing for more than 40 years
Winner of Sunday Times Literary Award for Confessions of a Gambler

Mar 16, 2012

When your six year old son is the bully

It goes without saying that school grounds around the world have become less safe for children. It is not only in the United State, Britain, and Canada where teachers are being bullied by kids. In Ontario, Canada alone, 40% of teachers have been subjected to non-fatal crimes. Parents complain to the schools and are horrified to learn that they themselves are to blame for their children’s uncontrolled behavior by encouraging or ignoring bullish behavior. Parents are especially concerned when they learn that it is a daughter of theirs who is the bully and responsible for most of the fights on the school grounds. What is happening to children that they are so angry? And what will settle them down? What will make parents also own up that they are part of the problem?

Discipline starts at home

The first thing to acknowledge is that if your child is a bully at school and hurt other children, there is always a reason for it; something has happened in his life, his parents do not stop to teach him when an event occurs, they are afraid of their own child, or he has a problem that should be discussed and treated accordingly. Here are some telling signs to look out for:

• Is there a history of bad behavior and cruelty to animals? A child who flings a kitten across the room is not being playful; he is being cruel.
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• Is he sullen and rude and speak to his parents and siblings in an offensive manner?

• Is he preoccupied with the topic of guns even though he does not have one? If he is, this should be reported to the school psychologist.

• Is he destructive to property even if it is his parents’ goods he is destroying?

• Do you fear your own child and give in to him for fear of his wrath?

• Do you not trust your child to be alone with his own siblings?

• Does he watch a lot of television where guns and violence are involved?

• Does he study and complete school assignments? Is his work substandard?

• Is he a latchkey kid and on his own for most of the time? This might be a huge part of the problem.

• Does he have a father and is there communication with him

• Does he have many friends, and if he does, are they a bad influence?
• Does he get beaten at home when he misbehaves or do his parents talk to him?

Tough love

The first thing to recognize and do something about is take him to a child psychologist who can pinpoint the problem and give you direction and a place to start. The school psychologist should be involved.

Practice tough love and take your child to the local police station and let him see how people in jail live, and tell him if he does not shape up and follow the program that has been suggested for him, that he will end up in prison one day.