Archivos en la Categoría: The sound of music

By now I’m sure all the Eurofans have heard about the Buranovskiye Babushki, but just in case someone has been living under a rock, here they are. Of course, they’re one of those all-or-nothing things that sometimes pop up in Eurovision: you either love them or hate them. Like Silvia Night.

They have caused a lot of turnmoil because they appear high on the odds, sometimes even placing three (below Sweden, that seems to be the red hot favourite, and Denmark, that I honestly don’t know how can even place in the odds). People here and there say that a victory for them will prove that Eurovision is all a big joke and it has no credibility left.

But I don’t worry at all. I would be annoyed if they win (because there are at least ten songs I like better, even if this year is a lot worse than the last three), but I don’t worry about the future, credibility and all that of the contest.

Why?

Well, just let me quote some people:

“This was not a song contest, it was a show”

“The absence of talent and the mediocrity of the songs were where annoyance set in. Eurovision is a monument to drivel” (This one comes from an official broadcaster statement. They withdrew the next year)

If you don’t recognize these quotes it’s because they are from 1981. Yup, 31 years ago. The first one if by the Swedish representative, and the second one is from the French broadcaster. Both were caused by Buck’s Fizz victory. Yeah, that act that now looks cute and kinda childish. France returned in 1983 represented by another TV channel.

If you ask Sweden, on the other hand, the British victory in 1981 destroyed the credibility of Eurovision. According to them, the contest lost all credibility again in 2010, when they didn’t pass to the final, and despite having no credibility left, it somehow managed to lose some more in 2011 because they didn’t win. And don’t you doubt it will lose even more if they don’t win this time.

If we ask Malta, the contest turned into a show and stopped being about the songs because Marie N beat Ira Losco thanks to a dazzling choreography. And the same when Helena Paparizou defeated Chiara by exactly the same means. We could go on and on with this, but it pretty much can be summarized saying that the contest loses all of its credibility every year.

At least according to some people.

So… yeah. I’ll be annoyed if the Babushki win, but Eurovision has managed to survive lots of things in its 56 year history, and it can manage to survive a winner that relies exclusively on shock value. It’s not like it hasn’t happened before, you know. In fact, I think it will be dealt with automatically just by the way the contest works:

If you want to win the contest, you need to stand out, either by having a good song (like France Gall), a great voice (like Sertab Erener), shock value (like… yes, Lordi) or a great staging (like Ell & Nikki). If you don’t have any of this, you can try by sheer force of charisma, like did Lena. (You can’t have all of it together unless you’re Ruslana, by the way).

In a year full of ballads, like 2012, non-ballads will stand out and have higher chances of winning. But, what would happen in the worst-case scenario if the Babushki win? If the contest becomes a mockery, with all countries competing to see who can send the biggest troll and the most absolute parody, how long would it take for the public and juries to get fed up of that?

In a generous calculation, less than a year. In a contest full of jokes, a good and serious act would stand out more easily, and the pendulum would swing again to the other side. And that is in the worst possible scenario, most of times the contest keeps a healthy mix of seriousness and trolling (even if I’m not quite fond of trolling acts, specially when the trolling is really obvious, they’re neccessary for keep the contest fresh and not too serious).

The short version: Don’t worry. I don’t think the Babushki will win. And if they do, Eurovision won’t lose any credibility. And even if it lost credibility, it doesn’t need credibility. And even if it needed it, it would be recovered pretty quickly.

Besides, you shouln’t fear the Buranovskiye Babushki because you can easily outrun them.

She’s back, bitches! Sorry, but I just can’t be impartial while judging Katya, I’m too much of a fan. And while I liked Malenky Prints even better, “Romeo and Juliet” is quite a powerful song. She just needs to get rid of the skating part of the act to be perfect.

Wow, she’s giving us a beautiful ballad. We have officially this year’s “Carobna noc”, as long as she can pull those pitches live. After sending a great song with a staging too conservative last year… they need to go conservative this year: this is the kind of song that can stand on its own. And Latvia gains the dubious distinction of having a Junior act way better than the Main one. (Yup, still hate Musiqq and probably always will)

She’s got the grooooveeee! And with a song about the pleasures of abstinence! What the hell are doing Moldovan kids right now? When I was her age all I lost were stamps, and I’m not thankful to her for making me feel like part of an old generation. Still, I like the song, it’s got the grooooooveeee!

Hum… yeah. You got it wrong, Armenia. This goes before the contest. Where’s the real act? Wait… that’s really it? They don’t want to get anything this year. Unless the contest takes place right at the airport.

Ok, so Bulgaria got a young Eric Sade with full leather jacket and disco beat. Who sings about being a superhero! How cute is that? Let’s add that he’s a hottie in the making (Yup, come back in six years, kid, and we’ll talk) and we have a total winning combo.

The second pretty cute ballad sung by a girl of the year. But this is… to lacking of personality. Not Paulina (Although she DOES try too hard to please her audience) but the song, I just finished hearing it and I can’t remember it. Not good. But at least here we know what she can do live.

Don’t you love them Junior Jazz Acts? Since Russia is too busy sending Katya to take care of them, Macedonia decided they would make sure that we get our jazz act of the year and man, don’t they do a great job. I love this… thing. Even if he’s really singing about a coat.

And… the third oh-so-lovely-girl-sung-ballad of the year! With a great voice, an acceptable song, some yelling to prove she’s doing it live and VIOLINS! See, Belarus? It’s that easy! You’re forgiven for the atrocity you sent last year.

Did I say Bulgaria was sending a young Eric Saade? As all TV lawyers say: I withdraw the statement. Sweden is, and they’re not even bothering with the name. From now on, all we’ll see from Sweden on Eurovison will be innumerable iterations or Ericness!

Girl really needs a better attitude. The song is good and catchy, but she’s KILLING it by looking terrified and moving like a robot. Sister, you need to BELIEEEEVEEEE IIIIINNN YOOOOUUURRRSEEEEELLLLFFFF!

Well, it was pretty easy, I must admit, and most of the songs, with the exceptions of Armenia and Georgia, are quite good. Georgia is just too weird to judge and Armenia is totally lost.

Most consecutive times entering: United Kingdom (every year since 1958)

Most times entering without ever withdrawing: Spain (every year since their debut in 1960), followed by Croatia (18)

Most times entering before winning: Finland (39 entries before first victory)

Most times entering without winning: Portugal (44 entries and counting)

Least times entering before winning: 0 (Switzerland in 1956 and Serbia in 2007 won in their debuts). If considering that Serbia had entered as part of Serbia and Montenegro, and that Switzerland couldn’t enter before 1956 because the Contest didn’t exist, then the record would go to Netherlands (1957) and Ukraine (2004), both winning in their second attempt.

Most last placings: Norway (10)

Most consecutive last placings: Germany (1964-65)

Most times entering before placing last: United Kingdom (45, they came last in 2003)

Most times entering without placing last: France (53 and counting), followed by Israel (33) and Greece (31)

Most victories without ever placing last: France (5)

Most last placings without ever winning: Malta and Portugal (3)

Winning countries that don’t take part anymore: Luxembourg and Monaco.

I have been SO let down this year. Dana killed her act in a horrible way. The song was epic, but everything else was NOT.

I couldn’t see the second semi. Why? School, that’s why. I only got to see the last four acts, clinging on the university Wi-Fi who froze when Latvia started, and returned when Denmark was starting. Then, in the recaps (both of them), it froze again when Latvia was onscreen.

Apparently that Wi-Fi has good taste on music.

Anyway, I like that Austria, Slovenia, Romania and Denmark passed. I don’t root for them, but it’s good. An Ireland is gonna be SO scary.

Poland killed their act. Totally. I’m angry at them. Well, actually no. I’m kinda meh. If a week ago someone had told me that I wouldn’t care of Poland not passing, I wouldn’t have believed.

And Croatia was the most awesome thing of the night. She owned the stage and, specially, she owned the catwalk: NINETEEN acts and she was the only one to walk down and use it. I’m angry at Europe.

So, now that Magdalena jumped over a cliff and Daria was buried alive, I only have left Oskar (¡Yay!) and Nina to root for. Well, there’s also Katy, but when I look at her the only thing coming to my mind is how awful her ring is.

And what about Norway? Did it really have so many broadcasting problems as they say? Because it sounds truly unfair to me.

Here’s an excerpt of all 43 songs, in alphabetical order. (There were some changes: Georgia changed the lead singer and Iceland switched to English)

First of all, what’s with redundant lyrics this year? We have “neverending forever” by Lithuania, “danger is a risky bussiness” by Germany, and the epic “don’t tell me that’s impossible, ‘cause I know it’s possible” by Sweden. Is it contagious?

Amaury Vassili is this year’s Patricia Kaas. You know, one of those times when France remembers they’re FRANCE with capitals and are supposed to have CLASS with capitals, so they take a big name and send it with the classiest song they can get. You can bet he’s gonna have lots of lights, lots of curtains, zero fireworks and I know he’s the frontrunner, but since I imagined him singing Trololo I can’t picture him winning.

Please, someone tell me the difference between vintage and outdated, because I don’t know in which side this falls. Italy, if you’re doing a comeback after fourteen years, you should star with something more modern.

Aurela and Jedward, get ready: The Creepy Act season is open, and Lena’s giving you a run for your money. I din’t like Satellite as a winner, but I liked it as a song, and Taken ruins it totally. So, I’m gonna pretend this doesn’t exist, okay?

I pity you, rest of Europe. You can tell that Spain isn’t trying hard, but unless you speak Spanish you can’t fully appreciate the greatness of this non-effort. Those lyrics are of the kind a seven year-old would write. Fuck Yeah!

The Spanish sef-loathing has a lot to say, because they love to hate their entries. But don’t listen to them, this is brilliant!