SpiritRest 2019 has come to a close. It was joyful to gather with retreatants this morning to resume speaking by sharing with each other some of our thoughts from the week.​We had 14 retreatants this year, plus four of us leading the retreat and providing spiritual direction. It is always interesting to hear on Friday what people’s weeks have been like.

We learned we’d seen peacocks, raccoons, and squirrels. We learned that, just like last year, we COULD NOT FINISH THE PUZZLE!!! This was an unexpected spiritual challenge—last year’s retreat was one day shorter, so we had imagined that one more day was all we needed—but none of us were willing to stay up past 10:30 pm to work on it, so…there you have it.

And we also heard how the retreat fed and nourished those who came. Some of the comments were:

My heart is full and my spirit is calm and refreshed. Thank you!

I am filling calm and centered. My energy has been refreshed

Heart wide open – mind clear and at ease – body joyful

Feeling more patient, spiritually refreshed, hopeful

I feel calm and energized. I am looking forward to carrying the things I have learned this week into my life.

Relaxed, happy, filled, content—hoping I can carry these feelings into the “real” world

​It is a joy and a privilege to help create an experience that has proven so powerful in providing a supportive framework in which people can do meaningful spiritual work and exploration.

We will return to Mary & Joseph Retreat Center next year July 26-31 for our fifth SpiritRest Silent Retreat. We hope to see you at SpiritRest 2020!

The theme for this year’s retreat is “the journey” - and as we journey through the week together, I’m appreciating the many ways we're being encouraged to engage with that theme.

The labyrinth has been lifted up during our evening worship services as a powerful symbol for how we journey through life. Since there’s actually a beautiful one on site, we’ve been able to engage with it as a tool, experiencing our own individual and group walking meditations in the labyrinth.

Another powerful symbol and tool, found in many spiritual traditions, is the Tree of Life.

Over the course of three days, employing meditation, collage, personal sharing, and prayer, participants in the group I led were able come closer to their understanding of God and Ultimate Reality by “traveling up the tree."

Starting at the roots, representing family and culture, retreatants were asked to visually express and then share what they learned about God or Ultimate Reality as children. The resultant images portrayed God as outside of time, as creator of great beauty, but also as controlling, removed, unknowable, grouchy and craving adoration.

Moving into the trunk, representing the development of individual identity and feelings, folks were asked what they fear to be true about God. There were images of hellfire, of loneliness, brokenness, and desolation, of needing to face the truth about ourselves. We ended that session by offering prayers to one another.

Moving into the branches, representing a trans-personal perspective, participants were asked what they now believe to be most true about God and Ultimate Reality, and what truth they wish to journey into. Those images centered around beauty and joy, around nature and earth’s resilience, human arrogance and interconnectivity, and the freedom and joy that can found when we surrender arrogance and realize it’s never too late to grow and change.

What a journey!

Participants in this group expressed deep appreciation for both the questions and the process, which was described as “accessible even to those who don’t normally do creative stuff.” And I was deeply moved by the the sweet intimacy that developed among us so quickly, as we silently worked on our images, were surprised by the results, and then presented them to one another.

“Spiritual intimacy is what many people hope for when they seek out a religious home,” I thought. “Sometimes you just have to journey away from home in order to find the connections and clarity you’re looking for. The challenge then is to bring those gifts back home with you!”

Walking meditation happens every day right before breakfast. We pay attention to our breathing and to the feeling of our feet pressing the earth. Massaging the earth, as Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh says. We do this together. When the bell rings, we all pause and take three mindful breaths. After that, if our mind has wandered, we begin again.

We notice things that make us happy. The air is perfect. The breezes are soft. We walk in a beautifully landscaped garden. There is a hummingbird! Flowers of many colors and shapes delight our eyes. We walk by the rose garden and smell the divine fragrance.

We walk past some of our fellow retreatants. Some are writing in their journals. Others are drawing and painting. Others are simply sitting, maybe with a beverage. We see a smile on their faces.

A feeling of gratitude wells up. Outside of this retreat, how often in our lives do we have time to literally smell the roses? To simply sit and enjoy being, without having to go somewhere or do something? To meditate and pray? To join with others in song and worship? To go where the spirit leads?

This is my fourth year as one of the leaders of SpiritRest and it continues to be a blessing. When I am getting ready each year, my body starts relaxing every time I think of being here. But each time I arrive it’s different. And this year it was hard.

We have completed our first full day here and I feel like I am finally settling in. When we first arrived on Sunday I was anxious - about the schedule, about the room set up, about the food, about my room. I kept forgetting what time I was supposed be leading something, and checking the calendar obsessively. Moving, churning, flailing, struggling to settle in.

​It took one full day for the spaciousness to take hold. The spaciousness created by silence, and good will, and wonderful seekers coming together. The spaciousness of time and peace and ease. In our responsive reading last night we said “orientation to the world outside slips away.” Indeed it does.

​I remember now. I remember how delicious a carrot tastes when you take time to taste it. I remember the power of voices singing together in harmony. I remember what it feels like in my body to relax. I remember that feeling of spaciousness when time seems suspended, and I can reflect, restore and be at peace.

It’s Sunday evening at SpiritRest, our first evening together. We’ve had dinner, gathered for orientation to the week ahead, and concluded the scheduled parts of the evening with a short worship service (“vespers”). At the close of vespers, we enter into silence.

On the first night of the retreat, we are invited to write down—for ourselves, we don’t have to show anyone—our intentions and boundaries for the week ahead. We are encouraged to consider:

If you must (or want to) read news or be in touch with friends or family, consider designating a small window of time each day for such activity

This year more than ever, I am ready for retreat. In previous years, I have limited my news reading to designated times during the day, but this year, I feel fully ready to take a break from the news. This also means staying off of social media—where so much news gets shared—so this is a big leap for me personally. Looking at social media is a big way that I relax and have fun, but it is also where I read the most upsetting and sensationalist news stories. Right now I feel clear: the news I need to know will still be available to me on Friday, when the retreat is over.Even though our retreat is just a few minutes away from the hustle and bustle of city shops and restaurants, I’m enjoying thinking of myself as tucked away in the mountains, far away from the exhausting ugliness of the world.​Come to think of it, here at SpiritRest, I AM far away from the exhausting ugliness of the world. It’s a place and time to savor.

Our retreat ended on Thursday morning this year; a four-day retreat instead of our usual five. Shortening the retreat AND being at a different retreat center (with different meal times!) than in the previous two years had been surprisingly challenging to those of us who lead SpiritRest. We worried that the schedule was too full. We worried that the magic of SpiritRest might be gone in this new place.

​How gratifying, then, to hear at our Thursday morning gathering—when we meet to break the silence and to process the retreat experience together—that retreatants had had just the experience we were hoping for them. The gifts of silence, spiritual practice, and spiritual direction are reliable, it seems.

Our unfinished puzzle was the perfect representation of the unfinishedness of spiritual work.

People who had arrived tired and frayed on Sunday left feeling rested and restored. Retreatants described themselves at the close of the retreat as:

Invigorated

Energy improved, temperament relaxed and confident

Feeling good, having had catharsis

Relaxed, refreshed, with new ideas and intentions

Grounded, open, deeply connected to the Divine, at ease in my wholeness

Rested, energized

Ready to tackle what comes next

And as in our other years, all retreatants would recommend this retreat to others! What a lovely affirmation that despite the changes from previous years, the retreat experience we have been developing is as nourishing as ever.We hope to return to Mary & Joseph Retreat Center next August. I will send an email and update the website as soon as we know the dates. We hope to see you at SpiritRest 2019!

"A circle of healing. A circle of friends. Some place where we can be free.”​ ~ Starhawk

At the conclusion of our third and last full day of our silent retreat, I am filled with gratitude. In our noisy, harried, soul-sick world, a community of silence and healing is a rare and precious thing indeed.

Silence is an ecstatic practice. It is a simple way of stepping outside the bounds of theworld we know and take for granted. In shared silence the superficialities are exposed and stripped away.

Some of the art created by SpiritRest retreatants during the week.

In silent retreat we give ourselves a gift, a separate, sacred space, where we can encounter and contemplate what is really going on with us, with one another, and with the earth. Silence is where we can feel our joy more deeply, take stock more accurately, and—this can be the more difficult part—become more fully aware of our woundedness and despair.But why open to all that? Because the silence we share holds us. It opens us to be touched and to be taught really important things about life, death and rebirth. Under its spell, we can find a loving way through the difficulties and challenges we face. As we settle into silence, calmness comes. Liberation from the press of daily “shoulds” and “oughts” occurs. Balance is regained. Healing happens. We are kissed by the spirit of life and a sense of our wholeness is restored.​At our final vespers, retreatants gave testimony to such experiences. And among the final words spoken in our final worship were the words, “I’m ready.” Tomorrow we gather one last time, to bring our circle of silent community to a close. Ready or not, we will exit this alternate reality with renewed strength, more love, deeper insight and clearer intentions, better prepared to meet the challenges of life and the uncertainties of the future waiting for us.A retreat in silence, under the gentle, wise guidance of experienced spiritual directors, and in the company of dedicated companions of the soul. I heartily recommend it. Perhaps we’ll see you next year at SpiritRest. ​

We are finishing our second full day of silence today. Our faces are morerelaxed and in spiritual direction participants report a settling in and deepeningpeace. For some, there is clarity emerging about issues in their life. Or there is asense of safety and support for diving into the confusion.

It’s wonderful that the old and bitter theological arguments, such as atheists vs.theists, haven’t shown up here. Participants are finding deepening andbroadening of their own practices, using the vocabulary of the holy mustrelevant to them, but they are also willing to try practices from different traditionswith other vocabulary. Almost all of us have submitted prayer requests to retreatleader Rev. Sharon Wylie and have consented to have prayers said for us. We areengaging our own souls in a supportive community of others.

The sights and sounds around us enhance the inner exploration. The roses arevibrantly colorful and sweetly fragrant. The lights of Los Angeles seem magicalat night from our high vantage point. It’s a metaphor for what we are doing here.From on high, we have set ourselves apart for a while, but we look down on thebusy world of joys and sorrows to which we will soon return and pray for ourloved ones, our country and our world. And that we will return better preparedfor what the world calls from us.

It is the afternoon of the first day of our retreat and a beautiful sunny day. We are scattered around the rooms and grounds - some of us reading , or doing jigsaw puzzles, creating art, journaling, walking, resting, sleeping. Or just being. I find it takes me at least a day before I can quiet my mind and restless spirit. One of the gifts of this time of silence and peace is just being. Just being here, just being relaxed, just being present. I was very tired when I got here, worn by the past year of doing, of striving. Just being is a refreshment for my soul. I drink in this refreshment and I am replenished.

SpiritRest's spiritual directors bring some of their favorite spirituality-focused books to create a borrowing library during the retreat.

We have just closed the evening circle and the silence has begun. I have participated in silent retreats many times before so I assumed it would be easy. However, I was surprised to find that I felt a tinge of panic. Dismayed, I started to feel shame and wanted to freak out, but I knew that, as the Buddhist saying goes, what you resists, persists.

Rather than shun or shame the feeling I gently accepting the panic, welcoming her in like an old friend who was sad and desperate and had something to say.

From there, I set an intention: to spend my time in silence seeing what the panic

needed and if I could give something to her through love and compassion that would soothe her. (When I stop and invite in feelings of fear or panic, I find that there is often something there that wants to be born; something that has been ignored, perhaps for too long.)

This is what silence does. It gives me the space to hear from parts of me I have been ignoring by being busy with life. I have found that I often build a wall around my deepest desires and maintain them with the shoulds and ought to’s that I often rely upon to get through the day.

When I am silent, my desires are amplified, and this helps me remember that all of me needs love and attention.

Recognizing and accepting my desires is not to be confused with giving myself anything I think I want or need. No, the deep listening that happens when my fears arise is an interactive play that I get to write as I open to the deepest longings of my being.

These longings take time and perseverance to find. They are the connection to Divine longings that I carry within me always. They are important and necessary for love to flourish in the world. That is why they need so much time, so much reflection, so much tenderness.

I am ready to meet these longings, here in the quiet places that live beneath the fear and panic. I am grateful for the time and space to meet all of me, and move inward with deep compassion for myself and all that is.​See you on the other side...