you are a loser

Daddy, I feel like such a loser. That was the beginning of my conversation with God this evening, after a long, hellish day where everything went wrong, from computer issues to razor burn right down to nearly hitting a motorcyclist on the highway after a blonde in a BMW almost ran me off the road.

In fact, the entire week has been a bit FUBAR if I may be honest. I’ve run myself ragged, tried to do too much, failing and flailing in relationship, losing sight of true north.

So I finally said it out loud, what I’d been thinking, what I’d been feeling. You are a loser, God replied without missing a beat. My finger squeaked in my ear as I checked to make sure my spirit was hearing rightly. But as I tuned into God’s voice more deeply, making sure that it wasn’t my own deceitful, hypercritical voice or that damned accuser, I realized it was Him. It wasn’t indictment. It was truth decked out in kindness. And looking quite lovely, I might add.

Like a dad giving his child a spankin’ and a good talking to, God was giving me a little dose of reality. The Message translation of Hebrews says it this way:

My dear child, don’t shrug off God’s discipline, but don’t be crushed by it either.
It’s the child he loves that he disciplines; the child he embraces, he also corrects.

I was being disciplined, corrected, embraced, loved as He held a mirror up to my face so I could really see. So I could see Him.

Thankfully, God didn’t stop by calling me a loser. He went on to say, “It’s okay that you’re a loser. It’s good that you’re weak. When you’ve failed, when you’ve done all you can do, I finally get to be my gracious, strong, more-than-enough Self in you and through you. I finally get a chance to show up and minister to you in your broken-down, dust-ridden humanness. I wish you’d let Me do that more often. For your sanity. And for our relationship. When you stop trying to get everything right and save the world in one afternoon, I get to be Your God. And you get to be My Child.”

He went on like this for a while, singing over me, reminding me what is good and true about my loser-ness, pointing me to more bread for feeding on. Like Paul’s letter to the Corinthians that says this:

…and then he told me,

My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.

Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.

Suffient. Strong. Champion. That’s the good news for me today as I sit here – incapable, insufficient, weak, tired, rough-edged, washed-up, frail – listening to God call me a loser. It’s the Good News. And I’m quite happy about it. Being a loser, that is. Because He has already won the day. Forever.