Friday, November 03, 2006

Thinking aloud...

So November’s here. Four months gone. Just like that. Six more to go. Sigh… has it really been that long? Or rather…just four months? Feels as if I’ve been on my own forever. Its fun, you know. Paying my rent myself, fixing my own meals, juggling studies…being responsible is something I’m not really used to! But I’m liking it. Sure I miss the pampering…but this is better in a way. This time, when I went back home, I was treated like an adult for once. As an equal. My decisions were respected. They listened to me. I felt so proud. I think it’s the first time I felt I’ve actually ‘grown up’. I’ve learnt to trust myself. Trust my decisions. I know if there’s someone I can rely on here, its just me.

But there’s something I fear. I hope that in this one year, I don’t change for the worse. I don’t become indifferent to others. I mean, it feels as if I’ve seen so much that nothing else can surprise me. I don’t want to be that way. I don’t want that ‘I couldn’t care less’ attitude. That’s not me. I want to break down and cry at times. And sometimes, I want to laugh out loud. I don’t want to lose my power to feel. To love. To care.

I really don’t know what the future holds for me. But whatever it may be…I know I’ll be able to handle it.

Listen dear.. no matter how hard u try u cannot divert destiny.. what has happen it will ... in its due time.. u just need to be the best at whatever comes ur way..and about being heartless.. WOH TAO HOGA HI ... coz as u get mature ... u become more practical and prone to feelings.. which we term as heartlessnes at this stage.. but later on realise that its more of Maturiy!...

I don't quite know why... but our thoughts seem to match a lot.. freaky... but yet again I could identify with what you said... not to give you anymore 'been there honey so listen to me' kinda stuff... but if becoming indifferent is what you fear, then be assured, long as you're aware of it, you'll watch out and either prevent it or learn to be a feeling person again.. all the best!!