Friday, March 11, 2011

Major Milestones

As you know from my last blog, I got to have a visit with my daughter this past Saturday. It went really well, though it had to be cut short because they had plans later in the day.

Her personality is really starting to develop. She’s starting to talk too. This is a major milestone. She’s been babbling off and on for a while, but not really talking. She now says “hot” (sounds like “aught) and actually holds up one hand like “don’t touch.” Since she’s fully deaf in her left ear, I was very curious how she would hear and talk. She really sounds like a “normal” kid! I love to hear kids talk when they’re just figuring out how to do so. It’s so cute! She’s also figured out how to knock on doors to get people’s attention. If her dad is outside, she’ll go over to the sliding glass door, pull herself up, knock on the glass to get his attention, and then wave at him. Of course it’s more of a twist of her hand than an actual wave, but it’s obvious what she’s trying to do.

Mackenzie is also really trying to walk. She’s a LOT more solid on her feet, and she pulls up on everything she can reach and does the “sideways shuffle.” She actually lets go of objects for short bits of time before she feels really wobbly and grabs back on to whatever she was holding on before. She’s obviously testing herself and her balance.

I’m telling you all of these things not only to brag about my daughter, but because Mackenzie accomplishing these milestones in her growth is definitely bittersweet. It’s awesome to see her grow. It’s sad to see the growth from a distance and not be part of all the little “steps” along the way that have gotten her to this point.

I think being proud of Mackenzie’s accomplishments and bragging about them to anyone who will listen is a way for me to feel closer to her while she develops. It’s a way to feel like I’m still very much a part of her life like I would be if I were raising her. Of course I realize deep down that I’m not really any closer to her physically, but it’s the emotional closeness I care about!

How do you deal with learning about your child’s milestones? Is it a happy or sad occasion…or maybe both?

Linda - Perhaps I used the wrong wording. We went down with full knowledge of timing...and we chose to visit them that day rather than put it off another month or so. They're busy people...as are we. :-) As it was, they ended up being late because we ALL lost track of time...enjoying ourselves so much. Besides, I'm pretty happy with ANY contact at all...after all, they don't have to keep in touch. I made the choice to relinquish. I can see how the way I worded things would cause the feelings you had though, and for my part in that, I apologize.

I totally understand! I'm so happy for you that you get to have that kind of contact w/your daughter...I was not allowed visits in my semi-open adoption, and it wasn't very pheasable anyway considering how far away they live from me, tho believe me I would have found a way as often as I could (and as often as his aparents were comfortable with) while he was growing up. I am envious! :)

For the first two years of Timothy's life, the aparents were obligated to write and send pix under the legal agreement...however, they DID NOT MIND at all! But back to the point...being in a semi-open adoption, I was not allowed visits, so learning of his milestones was both a happy and sad experience. I mean, I wanted to know everything I could about him, and was thrilled with everything they let me in on. However, it was also very sad b/c I was not allowed to see them for myself. I wrote his aparents ALL my emotions and thoughts on the whole adoption thing, including what you are talking about specifically. My brain knew the truth of the situation and disagreed with my heart in many ways, and I would express to them my emotions (right or wrong, painful/angering or not) and then told them what my brain said. I am so lucky they were such good ppl who truly understood and sympathized with me (never got angry or hurt, at least not that I could tell), and wrote back every time, and actually did their best to help me. I knew/know these ppl didn't just take my baby and run off...they actually cared--and still do--about ME! That's not the way it goes for some...I'm so lucky in that regard!

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BirthMom Buds is an organization and website that provides peer counseling, support, encouragement, and friendship to pregnant women considering adoption as well as women who have already placed children for adoption.