Anna from Frozen is a Stuck-up Rich Bitch

My third child has recently developed an obsession with Frozen. I have long since been burnt out on this movie, I have to admit. But I was wholly unprepared for how much I’m reading into this film for this child’s craze. I’m looking at the characters with cynicism and I found myself arguing with my husband in the car with the kids the other day about how terrible Anna really is. I had to stop when my husband whispers harshly “Look at what you’re doing” and I look into the back seat and see two horrified little faces questioning everything they know. So I unintentionally convinced Anna’s biggest fans that she’s a stuck up snob. And I think I’ll be able to convince you as well.

Let’s look at the movie’s evidence in chronological order, shall we?

(I’m watching it for the second time this morning anyways so that makes the most sense.)

Who the hell is going to clean up the freakin’ snowman in the ballroom?

This is clearly not the first time they’ve gotten up in the middle of the night. And we all know very well that Elsa can’t UNfreeze things (Otherwise this entire movie would 2 minutes long.) So they just wake up in the middle of the night, sneak off and bury room after room in snow. So the servants are going to have to build a lot of fires to keep the house warm enough that those little shits can run around in their short sleeved night gowns, aren’t they? And getting that much snow out of the house is a logistical nightmare. Since this isn’t the first time they’ve done this… we know they just don’t give a shit about making other people’s lives hell.

Reduce the staff.

After they decide to hermit-ize Elsa, their parents decide to reduce the staff. Not get rid of; reduce. So there’s still some staff cleaning and shit. So the bike rides up the hall are just her being dramatic. It negates the entire point of all of Anna’s stupid actions. Because she’s not alone.

If less staff has to still keep track of the entire castle, it’s all the more likely the staff will be live in (which was probably the case even when fully-staffed. I mean, Downton Abbey’s staff was live-in and that house was open like crazy.) So live in staff. Pretty sure that live in staff had kids, too. So there are likely children for Anna to play with. And she’d still rather fantasize about being a part of the fancy paintings than play with the pleb children. Or bond with the servants who literally wake her up every morning, feed her and clean up after her messy ass.

She tears that castle apart, yo.

She smashes a giant cake that probably took days to make. And breaks a suit or armor. She stuffs her face with chocolates that were pretty obviously intricate and meant for the freakin’ coronation celebration. Not her stupid fat face. She crashes her bike, she bounces on couches, and plays with what are probably priceless pieces of art. This woman ain’t got no care but herself.

She’s completely appalled that someone ran into her… Until she sees Hans was rich and fancy.

I mean, sure he’s dreamy too. But I refuse to believe any girl makes it through puberty without seeing someone dreamy from her window or amongst the servants. Then she finds out Hans is a Prince? Oh shit, no game over, She’s locked in on that shit. Ignore all the signs he may suck. 12 older brothers? Who pretended he didn’t exist for years. Oh yeah, that’s sure to create a stable psyche. Can’t see how that would lead to a dude with issues at all. Especially not since she has experience with her one sister just not playing with her turning her all kinds of crazy. (BTW, this is one of the biggest reasons I don’t hate Hans, but that’s another story.)

She treats Kristoff like shit.

This kinda makes sense, I suppose. In her world it’s Prince or Pleb. He’s not a prince so he’s unimportant. You can tell this from the get-go. When he comes into Oaken’s trading post covered in snow, she acts like a passively racist person crossing the street when they see a black guy in a hoodie. And when she decides he can be useful, she doesn’t ask him for squat. She doesn’t even offer to pay him. She buys three things he wants, (which are normally only $10 when supply and demand are evened out some) and casually informs him he will be taking her up the north mountain. Does no one see what an entitled brat she is? And we’re supposed to think she’s brave because she’s obviously uncomfortable doing this ordering about. But she’s probably uncomfortable doing because she thinks Kristoff is just this creepy pleb.

His name is NOT Kristopher

Sure, she just met him, it is almost excusable that she forgets his name is Kristoff and not Kristopher. Except she just met Hans and she’s marrying him. She can’t remember a name, but she can commit to a marriage? Of course. Hans is a Prince. Kristoff is common folk. He’s beneath her. You can tell by the stuck up way she gloats when he asks “What were you raised in a barn?” and she responds “No, I was raised in a castle.” {the “you stupid trash” is implied.]

She is welcomed back by doting servants

… who she doesn’t even pay attention to. Kristoff busts his ass to get to Hans and the people who rush to the gate are the castle’s servants. Who immediately say “We were so worried about you!” and embrace her, trying to keep her warm. And these are the people who weren’t enough to keep her from feeling “alone” all her life. The people she’d rather ignore in favor of literally watching a clock tick. And they’re the ones she

She doesn’t even consider him in a romantic way until he can save her ass.

Even after Hans proves to be a jackass, she doesn’t consider Kristoff. She doesn’t give him a second thought… until Olaf tells her Kristoff loves her. And she needs an act of love to not die. Plus, Olaf calls Kristoff a valiant pungent reindeer King. He gives him a title. Makes him seem important. And he’s the only one she can think of to save her life. Better get on board with that, Anna, otherwise you dead.

Speaking of titles…

When the end comes, everything is resolved and she’s left to chose to be alone (again-ish) or stick with the guy who risked his life to save hers – a BUNCH – she chooses to go ahead and kiss that Kristoff bloke. Sweet, right? Well, she sure as hell isn’t gonna kiss some commoner. So she makes sure her sister names him the Official Icemaster of Arendale. Yeah. Let that sink in. She gave him a title before she kissed him. Because if he didn’t have a title – well, gross.

These opinions do not reflect how I feel about voice of Anna, Kristen Bell. Who is cool.