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Congratulations are in order to the T-TPLF for winning a hard fought thuglection!

“Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason.”

But not in T-TPLF’s Ethiopia!

Poor Ethiopia is condemned to wear the Thugtatorship of the Tigrean People Liberation Front (T-TPLF) diaper for five more years, for a total of 25. That is a quarter of a century. Talk about a country with a super-duper streak of BAD LUCK.

Well!! First things first. I should like to think myself a gentleman, a scholar, and an officer, of the court, that is. Even victors of rigged and phony elections deserve obligatory profession of homage.

Naturally, it is a matter of noblesse oblige for me. I should react with magnanimity and discreet charm in acknowledging T-TPLF’s crushing “election victory.”

Well!! Congraaaatulations T-TPLF! (Of course, I congratulated the T-TPLF last year for winning the election today. I have done it several times over the past few months.) Still, what must be said must be said.

Congratulations, T-TPLF for a flawlessly rigged election. Way to go T-TPLF for putting on an exquisitely whitewashed election. Hip hip hooray for conducting the best thuglection anywhere in the second decade of the Century!

Kudos! T-TPLF. You have “won”. I mean your “thuglection”. Obviously, not the hearts and minds of the Ethiopian people. That you will never win. Just like you will never, never win their respect, admiration or gratitude. Not in a thousand years! Deal with it!

How did the T-TPLF manage to exact such a crushing “victory”?

That’s not exactly ancient Chinese secret.

Perhaps I will take that back. I am sure the Chinese have taught the T-TPLF a thing or two about hijacking (thug-jacking an election, another one of my new word contributions to the English language) an election.

In the 2007-08 National Peoples Congress election, the Communist Party of China won 100 percent of the 2,987 seats.

In 2010, the T-TPLF missed winning 100 percent of the 547 seats in “parliament” by 2 seats. The T-TPLF won 99.6 percent, missed it by a doggone measly four-tenths of one percent.

How did the T-TPLF do it in 2010, and again in 2015?

Here is the secret to T-TPLF’s thuglection winning streak:

The T-TPLF “won” by exchanging “votes” for cash. Straight up!

The T-TPLF traded “votes” for seeds, fertilizer and welfare payments.

The T-TPLF used US aid (also known as “hard earned American tax dollars”) to round up “votes”.

The T-TPLF used a racket called Protection of Basic Services (welfare payments) money to squeeze “votes”.

The T-TPLF bartered food for “votes” with starving people.

The T-TPLF bought “votes” under the table.

The T-TPLF bribed, intimidated and threatened to get “votes”.

The T-TPLF did a whole lot of wheeling and dealing to get “votes”.

The T-TPLF stole “votes” in broad daylight.

The T-TPLF stuffed ballots to show it got all the “votes”.

The T-TPLF got the dead to rise up just to vote.

The T-TPLF owned and managed the election commission that “monitored” the “votes”.

The T-TPLF assigned its goons at the polling stations to ensure the voters “voted” as they should vote.

The T-TPLF jailed, prosecuted and persecuted its opposition so they will not compete for “votes”.

The T-TPLF thug-terrorized “votes” out of people by pitting one ethnic group against another; one religious group against another. If you don’t vote for the T-TPLF, the “Amhara” will come back. If you don’t vote for the T-TPLF, the “Oromo” will throw you out of Oromia. If you don’t vote for the T-TPLF, the Christians… the Muslims… will… If you don’t vote for the T-TPLF, the sky will fall on your head.

The T-TPLF discounted the “votes”.

The T-TPLF counted more votes than there are voters (not including the dead voters that rose up just to vote.)

Above all else, the T-TPLF counted the “votes”. The T-TPLF counted the votes and decided that though all votes are created equal, some “votes” are more equal than others. The T-TPLF “votes” are more equal than all other votes! One T-TPLF votes equals to thousands of other votes.

So that is the little secret to the T-TPLF’s “free, fair and credible” thuglection winning streak.