Thursday, March 22, 2007

Does anyone remember when Lindsay Lohan was a fresh-faced, talented young lady who showed real promise for a long, fruitful career? During the days of The Parent Trap and Freaky Friday, her biggest life problem was a cutesy public teenage "feud" with Hilary Duff over that idiot Aaron Carter.

A few years later, she's battled an eating disorder, had a stint in rehab, been involved in several car accidents, and suffered from such low self-esteem that she felt the only way she could get attention was to flash her bajingo all over town. She was Britney before Britney was. Love her or hate her, you have to admit it's all pretty sad.

It's even sadder when you realise that perhaps the one most responsible for her downward spiral is the person who should have been looking out for her the most -- her mother.

Dina Lohan, Stage Mom of the Century, has given an interview for the April issue of Harper's Bazaar and it is a sad, disgusting look into the life of a sad, disgusting individual.

...the 44-year-old Lohan described how she's more like a sister to her fire-haired daughter - going out to clubs with her and even wearing her old Prada jacket and Jimmy Choo boots. "If you can button it and clip it when you're in your 40s, you're going out," she said as she put her hand in the air to solicit a high-five from the Harper's reporter.

I'm thinking it's too much to ask to hope that the reporter punched her in the face. At the very least I'm hoping he or she didn't return the high-five.

The enabler-extraordinaire didn't stop there. She also noted that she will often introduce herself as Lindsay's personal assistant because she doesn't want them to know she's her mother.

"It's a whole 'nother demographic. People just go dark."

Hmm... maybe that's because it's just weird? Just because your kid is a star (albeit a falling one) does not make you one. People don't want to see you out partying with your mess of a daughter when you should be home making sure your other two kids don't turn out the same way.

Speaking of messes, of Paris Hilton, she says:

"Paris is a really smart girl, and she's come really far," she told Harper's. "Paris' mom was wonderfully embracing to me. You know, you can't blame parents for kids."

No, no. I'm pretty sure you can.

While Kathy Hilton can't be blamed for Paris, Britney's mom is another story?

"I don’t know her mom. But I love this kid, and I feel so badly for her because I’m a mom. The girl is a beautiful kid. She married some guy just to get out of the limelight. Cut her some slack. Her mother, I’m surprised she didn’t come forward. I’m not gonna sit back and go, You’re gonna trash my kid? If my daughter was in high school, I would be at the principal’s office. Hello?"

Actually, this quote doesn't even make any sense. It's like a series of fragments strung together by a drunk person -- which, to be fair, is probably exactly what it is. At least Lynne Spears isn't an insufferable attention whore, desperate to outshine her troubled daughter.

This lady is such a sorry excuse for a mother I can't even wrap my head around it. Way to live vicariously through your daughter, you leech. To hell with the consequences... she can still button her Prada jacket!!

Sorry Lindsay, but with denial-fueled guidance like that, you never stood a chance.

For someone like me who generally loves all things English, today was really something else.

As I was walking through the garage to my car after work, this guy was walking towards me looking lost. Honest to God, I thought to myself, "This guy looks English." As he got closer, he asks me how to get to "the lifts". Ha! I knew it! I can't explain why I always know, but I do. Call it "Britdar".

After that, I went to Target to look for some new bedding. I didn't find anything good, but I decided to stock up on some make-up. As I was heading up the aisle towards the Rimmel section, what I saw stopped me dead in my tracks. I was so shocked I screamed out loud:

"Boots!!!! Are you SERIOUS????"

No... like, you have no idea how cool this is. Boots is the most popular British pharmacy and I go there so often while I'm abroad that I actually have their store card. So, to see it here is like, insane. And to have its whole own aisle is just too great. You can imagine how nutty I looked taking pictures, but I totally didn't care. This is huge! They even had my favourite hair wax and cucumber face wipes, all a mere few miles from my house! Hoorah!

It doesn't end there. I then went to the bank and while I'm waiting in line, the guy in front of me says loudly to the teller "But I haven't got a mortgage!"... in a British accent. Like, where are all these English peeps coming from?? Hot.

And in the oddest twists of fate, as I'm sitting here writing this, I turn on American Idol, and what's the theme, you ask?