Gods Must Be Crazy II, The (1989) Movie Script

Anyone else would die of thirst in a few days. In this arid desert... ... that looks like a paradise, there's no surface water. But the slender, graceful Bushmen of the Kalahari... ... live here contentedly and in complete harmony with their environment. They have lived undisturbed for ... the only people in the world who know how to live without surface water. When ivory poachers in high-tech vehicles intrude into this thirst-land... ... to hunt elephant, they have to drag reservoirs of water with them. And when the water runs low they have to hightail it out of the Kalahari again. So the Bushmen work and play in peaceful isolation unaware... ... of the crowded, hectic world outside their domain... ...and even of the wars that are fought on the very fringes of the Kalahari. Sometimes Xixo tells about the time he looked for the end of the Earth... ...and about the strange, heavy people he met... ...but it's difficult to describe those who live outside the Kalahari. He always ends by saying the heavy people know some magic... ... that can make things move and even fly, but they're not bright... ...because they can't survive without their magic contrivances. In the mornings, they like to read the news. They can read that the hyena has a new girlfriend... ... the cheetah has lost a baby, and the oryx is migrating to the west. Older children teach younger ones how to read the gossip about the animals... ...because everything that happens in the Kalahari gets printed out in the sand. It's all printed out here. This is where they started infringing on the patent. Give it to me there. Now, that I can present in court. Go back to frame A. And give me sales. Cathy, will you take this? Take him off. Now, cost per unit. And a printout on that. Mr. Geoffrey says he has to go to Hong Kong about the takeover. - Tell him, '' Have a good flight.'' - He won't make the ECACL conference. - He can't do that to me. - He'd like you to read the paper. You did the research, so you deserve the honour. I have to take this case to court on Wednesday. - Says you'll be back before Wednesday. - Oh, boy. That morning, Xabe came with the news that... ... the animals are moving towards the marula groves in the north. He shouted, ''The marulas are ripe. Let's go collect some. '' Xisa and little Xiri ran up and said, ''Can we come too?'' Xixo said, ''Let's see if you're big enough. If you're taller than my bow... ... the hyena will be afraid and stay away. If you're shorter, he'll take you. '' But Xiri said, ''Please let me come too. '' And Xisa said, ''I promise I'll always stay close to him. '' - Where is the conference this year? - In Okakarara. - Where's that, Nebraska? - No, Africa. Oh, boy. They gathered a lot of marulas and on the way home they found... ... the spoor of a wounded elephant. Xixo said, ''This elephant is very weak. It's going to die. '' He said to Xisa, ''You and Xiri can go on home. Tell your mother we will come when we've found the sick elephant. '' There was a very strange and beautiful pattern on the ground. Xisa couldn't read it. She'd never seen anything like it in her life. There was another as beautiful as the first. She wondered how anything could make such a long, unbroken track. She followed the track and saw a very strange-looking thing. She said, ''This thing went round and round... ...and that's how it made such a long pattern without footprints. '' Xiri saw a beautiful dewdrop grow, and when it dropped... ...another one began to grow in its place. They knew the gods put dewdrops on plants in the night. But here they could see a dewdrop form in broad daylight. Xisa said, ''I think this thing is making the water. '' Xiri had never seen so much water in his life. He didn't know there was so much water in the whole world. They found the elephant and saw the tiny wounds that had made it die. The tracks told Xixo the heavy people had been there... ...but wondered why they took the useless tusks and left the meat to rot. He said, ''The heavy people are strange. '' Bo said, ''I'll call Xabo's family to help us eat it. If I run all day and night I can find them by tomorrow. '' Xixo said, ''We'll go call our family. '' There were many tusks. It takes the gods more than a man's lifetime... ... to make a full-grown elephant, and it horrified them to see so many had died. Xixo and Xabe found the place where Xisa and Xiri's tracks suddenly stopped. Xixo said, ''Xisa climbed onto the thing. Xiri went up too, and it took them away. '' He said, ''Tell our family they must start eating the dead elephant. I'll fetch Xisa and Xiri. '' Sorry about the short notice, but we're honoured to have you. Thank you. I would've liked the safari tour... - ...but I have to prepare my presentation. - You'll be all right? - I'll be fine, thank you. - Good. I'll leave you to it. - You know where Stephen's working? - I think I've got a rough idea. - You may have to search around a bit. - Right. - And Jack? - Yeah? Tell Stephen we'll send the rest of the stuff out to him later. What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this? - Oh, boy. - You don't buy it. Okay, I'll try again. - Hi. Like to come fly with me? - I have to work. That's why no safari trip. Trip's three hours. I could show you Africa in half an hour. I have to present this at 3:30. - Only half an hour? - Yes, doctor. - So, what are you, a doctor of medicine? - No, corporate law. - What a tiny plane. - We got a smaller one but we can't find it. - Can it fly? - In you go. - What are those? - Buffalo. Look, no hands. Flies by itself. Safest plane in the world. - Coffee. - Morning, boss. - You only done 80 miles. - Yeah, I slept a little bit. - You stopped. - I was bushed. So I pulled up and... - You slept more than four hours. - I was real pooped. - I told you we're late. - I was really pooped, boss. - Move over. - It's okay, boss. I'm fresh now. Jeez, boss. Lazy bastard. - Get back to sleep. - I'm wide-awake now. - Sleep. - Yes, boss. I'll be right back. - Hi, Stephen. - Hi. Thanks. You're cutting it fine. There's a hell of a cumulus building up. One of those thermals grabs you, it's gonna whip you right to 20,000 feet. - See you later. - Stephen, is Geoff there yet? Over. Hi, Bob. Yes, he's here. Over. Can you fly back in with him? We found a sick baby giraffe. We need your advice. Over. Okay. Out. - You can't cart your floozies around. - She's not a floozy. - Hi. - Morning. Do you do some kind of work around here? Hello, Stephen. Come in. Over. Stephen, are you there? Over. - Stephen, come in. Over. - Hi, Bob. This is Jack. Over. Jack, don't take off yet. There's a freak storm moving in very fast. Over. - Bob, they've just taken off. Over. - They? Someone is with him? Over. - Yes. Over. - Who? Over. - There was this young lady. Over. - Was she with you? Over. - Sort of. Over. - Boy, you're in trouble. Over. Over. Xixo's old friend Waka was looking at the tracks the heavy people made. Xixo greeted him and said his children were in the thing that made the tracks. Waka greeted him back and said, ''I'll come with you to find your children. '' But Xixo said, ''There's a dead elephant back there. Go with your family to help my family eat it. '' They stopped. - There's whiskey under your seat. - I'm okay. - Give it to me. - You gonna start drinking? Give me. Can this thing fly on Scotch? George. Boss? Take over. Xisa said, ''When this thing gets tired it will rest. Then we can follow the tracks back home. '' Running out of Scotch. This any good? We're flying backwards. I have to read my paper at 3:30. How do I get back? We have to find a road so I can hitch a ride. So which way to the nearest road? - This is baobab country. - It can speak. - We're at least 300 miles from base. - Oh, boy. Maybe more. - I'm sorry. - Any time. - I have to get to a phone. - I don't even know what country we're in. Hey! - What? - They're not scared of me. - So? - They don't know about people. - We're in the deep Kalahari. - Will they find us? - Eventually. - How long is eventually? Maybe a day, maybe a week. I have to be back in New York on Wednesday. - You're from New York? - I have to survive here for a week? Anyone who can survive in New York can survive here. - We'll starve to death. - There's enough food around here. Our problem will be water. All we have is that six-pack up there. They were getting thirsty, but they knew where there was plenty of water. She said, ''No, I'm too heavy to pull up. Come down here so you can push me up. Then I can pull you up. '' Xiri had never been in water in his life... ...but soon got used to it and quite enjoyed it. Is that water? - Petrol. Gas. - So? If I can get this down, we can fly out. Today? I have to take it apart, bring it down, assemble it again. - Eventually. - Maybe by tomorrow, the next day. Was that a lion? - I can hear them. - Let down the rope. I want to get up. - They won't bother us. - You're okay. - They're bothering me down here. - They're not coming this way. What about eventually? Don't bother them, they won't bother you. - And if they're hungry? - They're far from here. - It's swarming with wild animals here. - Don't bother them, they won't bother you. I'm not bothering them. This one is drooling at me. - It's a hyena. They're always drooling. - So? Ignore him. Don't smile at him. He sees your teeth... - ...he might think you're threatening him. - Let me get up. - You're enjoying this. - Yeah. - Why don't you relax and enjoy it too? - Enjoy? - Wild animals, no food, no water. - No room service. Yeah, no plumbing. What I need is plumbing. Now. - Go behind that thicket. - Alone? The lions are that way. - They're very far, and if you don't bother-- - They won't bother me. I know, I know. - How do I get down? - How'd you get up there? - The lion was roaring. - Wasn't a lion. It was a hyena sounding off. Right. Now, just a minute. Turn your back. - Pull me up. - I can't. Friction. Then let me down. - Stop. - What do you want me to do? - Don't look at me. - I'm not. What do you want me to do? Let me down. What's so funny? Okay, I won't bother you, see? So don't you bother me. - Watch it! - Go away! Run, run, run, run, run, run. Get up a tree! You okay? - You said if I didn't bother them... - I see there's a baby rhino. Maybe the mother thought you were molesting it. I only talked to it. I didn't even smile at it. - They're going away. - I'm not coming down... - ...before you can fly me out of here. - There's no plumbing up there. - You thirsty? - Yes. - Right, you can have half a beer. - Great. - Don't open it yet. - Sorry. Oh, my goodness. Sorry. What did I do wrong? Well, it's warm. Drink it now. Right. It's getting late. We have to find food before it gets dark. I saw an ostrich nest. - Do they bite? - No, they kick. But they aren't very bright. You lie down flat, he can't see you. That's the male. He guards the eggs. - But if you can distract him... - How do I distract a male ostrich? Lie down flat! Xixo thought he saw his children's footprints... ...but it was only a baboon that had walked past. - So, what went wrong? - Nothing. We got the egg. You mean that was standard procedure? Got a match? The thing came back. I'm sorry. - You got a match? - I got a lighter. Big Ben calling Ramjee. Big Ben calling Ramjee. Do you read me? Ramjee, come in. Big Ben calling. - Come in, Ramjee. Still out of range. - Maybe they're not there yet. He said he'd meet us on the ninth. That's yesterday. Sorry, boss. --10, 000 people will attend the opening. Although nine helicopters... ...and four spotter planes are taking part, no sign of Dr. Marshall and Dr. Taylor. - Was that us? - I suppose so. - Doctor of what? - Zoology. - You? - Law. - We have to watch that guy. - Hyena? He's a coward. If you're taller than him, he'll keep his distance. But if you lie down he'll sneak up and take a chunk out of your leg. Take first watch. Call me when the moon gets there... ...I'll take it to there, then you take it to first light. Coming down. - I'm ready. - For what? You only jumped 25 centimetres. What happened to standard procedure? Maybe next time. - Where we gonna take off from? - There's a saltpan three miles from here. How many blocks is that? Keep the sun over your right shoulder. Stay clear of low branches. - What? - It's that damn rhino. It's a male. It's harmless. Why are you always climbing up trees? I'm not a doctor of zoology. How do I know about males and females? Damn near wrecked the nose wheel. Give me slack. - You only jumped 124 centimetres. - These things are dangerous. It's very small. - When it grabs hold it never lets go. - Kind of cute. Hey. No! - Now we've got a flat. - What do I do with this? - Why don't you throw it away? - It'll just come right back. Can you change the tyre? - Can you undo my boot? - Why? It's the one that stepped on him. If I give it to him, he can have his revenge. - Is there enough gas to take us back? - If we get it off the ground. - No, it won't work. - Can't you fix it? No pump. You wanna be the wheel. You're crazy. You see that stick? When I shout, bring it this way. - I can't fly. - It'll lift your side, then centre up. When I shout again, pull back. Bring it over, centre, pull back. - Then what? - I'll take over. But I can't even drive a manual. Do you wanna kill us both? You're nuts. I can't fly. Do you hear me? - I can't fly a plane. - Throttles. - What? - Shiny ones, push them forward. Here we go. - Come on. Stick it back. Centre up. - I told you I can't fly. Right now, pull back. - You said pull back. - Not way back. - Pull it, pull it, pull it. - Will you make up your mind? - Bring her down, bring her down. - What? - We go that way. - You said you were gonna take over. - You should have gone that way. Shit. - Shit. Trust a woman to do anything, and she buggers it up. So she buggered it up. Look down and read. It says, ''on|off.'' Switch it off, then glide. I told you I can't fly. It says, '' Ballistic parachute.'' Clearly. Read it. Press the button. You'll be okay. I told you I can't even drive a manual. It's easy. Bring it over, centre it up, pull back. Get it right! I showed you so nicely. I said, '' Bring it over.'' Not, '' Bring it over!'' You'll break your neck. You don't explain properly. I could have broken my neck. How am I going to find you with only one boot? Better find my boot. Shoo. Go away. Shit. Wait! Hi. Do you want to sell me your bike? Look. I'll give you money. I give you money, you give me the bike. I have to go that way. There's a man. I'll pay you, you take me that way. Here. Please, I insist. Okay. Pay you when we get there. There? Well, why don't we try something else? Yeah, sure. All right. Good thinking. Are you gonna hang in there forever? There. Lunch. Go on, try it. Okay, try that. Look, I'm really sorry. Please, take this. No, come on. Bye. Well, thanks. Bye. Gotta find somebody. You said you were tired. Hey, go home. Go back to your family. Go on, get. Get. Shoo. Go. English? Okay. Get up. - Move. - Which way? To my jeep. Stop. Where are you going? Where is your jeep? We go to your jeep. Stop. - March. - Which way? Know why a compass is a mirror on back? - Why? - So you can see who's lost. Okay. We go northwest. That way. March. How far did you fly, for Pete's sake? How am I going to find you? Damn. Hey. Hey, you, get away. Leave it alone. Get out of here. Give me back my can. Scumbag. You mugger. Thank you. You keep away. Stay there. See these? You dare... Don't even think about it. You'll be sorry. Go away. Okay. You can have this one and no more. Leave the can. Do you hear me? Leave my can alone and go away. No, don't bring a friend. I'm not gonna water you, your friends and your relatives, and I'm not-- - Excerpts from the Geneva Convention. - Forget it. How a prisoner of war ought to be treated. '' No prisoner shall be subjected to inhumane treatment. - No outrage shall be committed.'' - Stop. - You can rest for three minutes. - What's your hurry? None of your business. Three minutes. I'm pooped, man. Don't do that. Come back. I'm going to report you to the Geneva Convention! Come back. You're my prisoner. Come back! Come out of there and be my prisoner! - You mustn't do that! - March. If you're so smart, how come you don't even know what country you're in? So which way did they go? I'll just have to wait till they come back. Xixo saw a heavy person dressed in funny clothes... ... talking to herself. She looked like a woman, but had a man's voice. Hey. It's your way of greeting. We do it this way. Sorry. Okay. I'll do it your way. Hello. I'm very glad to meet you. He said, ''Where is your family?'' He looked at her tracks and said, ''How did you get here? I have to find my children, but two people are playing some game. They went that way. I hear them. - Perhaps they'll let you play. '' - You want me to go? He showed her the tracks where he met the two heavy men. He said, ''This is where they turned back. This one was angry because the tired one grabbed the stick. And then he had to run. It was very funny. '' She couldn't understand. She was also quite illiterate. She couldn't read the signs and tracks at all. We're waiting for a bus? Well, what do you know. Go away. Bugger off. I don't want to see you. Stop! Who are you? Xixo couldn't understand what they were playing. This thing penetrates. You wouldn't shoot a lady. He said, ''I have to find my children. '' The men had bad manners, so he didn't say goodbye. I don't want to be involved. I'm American. Okay. Hey, you can't leave me here. You want me to die? Get away from me. Get away. Try again, huh? It's not fair. You can't both use me. Let me go! Let me go. Let me go! Okay, drop it. - Drop it. - Yes, drop it. - Now, drop it. - Yes, drop it, drop it, drop it! Can't we negotiate? I wanna go home. If I don't get back to Biera, I'll miss my plane to Cuba. - I'll spend another six months here. - I've got to take you to my base! - I have to be in New York on Wednesday. - Sit down. And stay clear of the Cuban. I'll stay clear of goddamn both of you. I resent being used as a hostage object. Gotta be in New York on Wednesday. You should have stayed there. I didn't ask you to come out here. I have to walk my arse off to find you. Well, good. What's so funny? Switch it on. Big Ben calling Ramjee. Big Ben calling Ramjee. - What are you doing? - What am I doing? Look at the sun. You're going the wrong way. Boss, I'm driving on the compass. This thing is made of steel. You left it there. Look at the needle. You buggered the compass, you stupid bastard. - Jeez, boss, I wasn't thinking. I'm real-- - Stop the bloody truck. So when did you put it there? Well, I drank some coffee just at sunrise, boss. Five hours. Forty degrees off. Stupid bastard. Big Ben calling Ramjee. Do you read me, for chrissakes? - Ramjee, come in. - Big Ben, where the hell are you? Look, I'm sorry. This idiot bugged the compass. I've been waiting three bloody days! Where the bloody hell are you? We could have been there, but we're way off course. Now we have to backtrack for at least five hours to find our bearings. We're going back in our tracks, so we'll be out of range again. I'll contact you when we come back into range. Little Xiri saw hyena tracks. The spoor was very fresh so he knew the hyena must be close. And it was downwind, so it was sure to smell him. He remembered his father had said: ''If you're taller than the hyena, it will keep its distance. '' It couldn't understand how this small creature had grown tall so suddenly. Perhaps the hyena hoped that Xiri would get small again, so it followed... ...at a respectful distance. Well, we got flown here in a kind of a plane... ...and then I kind of lost Dr. Marshall. Get in the jeep. Move. Wait there. - Okay, but leave your bag. - Why? - You swat people. - No, I won't. I promise. - Look, I'll take out the rocks. - You got rocks in there? You drive. In there. Start her up. That way. Xixo saw another track made by a heavy person... ...and the footprints told of a man who was in a bad way. He spoke to the track: ''I can see you need help but I must find my children. '' Turn right. Stop. Hey, that's my jeep. I know, I knew it. - Go siphon. - Gas? But my tank was almost empty. Oh, boy. Hi. Xixo said, ''I don't know what to do. You need someone to find water for you, but I'm worried about my children. I've been running for two days, and I haven't found them. I think they're very far. '' What have you got? About two litres. Fourteen, 15 kilometres. - How much have you got in here? -20 kilometres. - And how far is your base? - Sixty, 65. Oh, my God. - My base is only 20 kilometres. - Shut up. Get up. Watch it! Stop it! I said, stop it! Stop it right now! Lady, be careful with that thing. - Give it to me. - I won't. But I'm the good guy here. He's a bloody Cuban. Give it to me. Jeez, lady. Yes, make my day. Okay, seorita. My base is only 20 kilometres away. There gonna be a plane to Cuba tomorrow. - I'll take you there. - This guy doesn't know where he is. - How are you going to find your base? - You can find it. You're so smart. - We're going to my base. - Who says? - I says! - Stop it! You, get behind the wheel. No. No, get back. You gotta stay together. Take his hand. I said hold hands! Okay, get in. You go around that way. Okay. - Now, can either of you fly a plane? - Yeah, I can. Good. Drive back to where we started. Watch it, boss! Jeez, boss, we killed a little kid. - Sit down. We've got to get out of here. - But, boss, it was a little kid. He's okay. - Jeez, there's another one. - Bugger. Xiri! Xiri! Xiri! Xiri! Now Xisa didn't know which way to go. What if her little brother had been left back there? Stop here. This is where the Bushman found me. That means the plane must be... That guy's only bad news. - Follow him. - We're low on gas. - Follow him. - We low on gas. Follow him. Hi. Hold hands. Get out that side. Go that way. Stop. Goodbye, thank you. What happened? It's nothing, just kind of dehydrated. - Does W stand for water? - I don't have to tell you. Okay, open your mouth. Who's the little guy who gave me that stuff? I don't know. He just keeps on appearing and disappearing. - Who are they? - They're soldiers. They look very affectionate. No. - Are they your prisoners? - Kind of. We're hostages. She hijacked my jeep and she kidnapped us. You did it to me first! Both of them. He did it and then he did it. - She hit me first. - You hit him? - Yeah. - She hit me too. Damn near killed me. You hit them? - Took them prisoner with a gun? - Yeah. No, we're still backtracking. - Keep going. - Yes, boss. We nearly knocked over another crazy Bushman. - You still in Bushmen country? - It beats me where they come from. - You said nobody would see you. - Bushmen don't count. - Oh, my God. - Ben, what happened? - Bloody Bushman was crawling all over. - What do you mean? What are you doing? Hey, you okay? What are you doing? What are you doing? What were you doing up there? - Did he see the ivory? - I don't know. He must have. - Then you can't let him go. - That's right. You a game warden? Get him in here. You come with us. You get in there. Here. - Boss? - Make him get in. You come with us. You get in there. You get in there! You mustn't do that. Get in there. Can't you do anything right? - Jeez, boss. - Get me a tie-down. What are you gonna do, boss? So what if it's illegal, they did it to me. He wants to go that way, he wants to go that way. The one with the gun gets to say. And I've got the gun, and I say we go to the plane. Okay. In the jeep. When we get there, you can have your jeep back. - And my gun. - We'll see about that. - What the hell do you think you're doing? - It's his, boss. Stop. Here are those tracks again. The plane must be that way. - I'm not gonna be the wheel again. - Now we can fix it. - I don't see a pump. - Don't! You've got to watch them. - One of yours? - No. Game rangers. - What are we gonna do? - Don't let him see the ivory. Maybe they've got a pump. Could you lend us a pump? What? Could we borrow a pump with a-- ? Oh, no! What have you done to him? Drop that! Throw it away! George. Get the gun. What do we do now, boss? - Tie them up. - Boss? Give me that. - Get the tie-downs. - Yes, boss. - What's this about? - I don't like game rangers. - I'm not a game ranger. - Me too. - This is all I've got, boss. - Tie them two by two. What are we gonna do now, boss? I gotta talk to Ramjee. Big Ben calling Ramjee. Do you read me? Ramjee, do you read me? Out of range again. George, you see that dome? I'm gonna go up there to get range. Got to talk to Ramjee about this. I'm leaving you in charge. You watch these people. Okay, now, you people. You behave, nobody gets hurt. Get the gun! Hey, you mustn't do that. My boss will kill you! - Got it. - Okay, let's go. - Get in. - What do you mean, ''Get in''? Move it. Mister, come with us. - I'm gonna come too. He's gonna kill me. - You, give me first gear. Hurry. - I told you we're low on gas. - Let's get out of here. Move your ass, man. What a day. Game rangers, two soldiers and a woman. - What did you do with them? - I tied them up. What the hell? George! Yes, boss? Your turn! - Your turn! - No, it's not! - It is! - No, it's not! I'll get the bastard! No, get up. Untie me. Come on. Hey! Oh, man. Wait a minute. He's not so crazy. He knows what he's doing. He's making a firebreak. Clever little bugger. It'll burn out now. That's it. They're your kids? We passed them back there. There's a tiny one and the other one. That way. - Why are you crying? - He lost his kids. I told him where to find them. So you have to disappear again. Goodbye... ...and thank you. Goodbye and thank you. Watch it! He's got a gun! Out of my way! - I want you guys to do that again. - Do what?! - What you just did. - What the hell for? It's a telescopic sight. He can't hit a moving target. - No! - When I say go... ...you run around like crazy. All right? Go! Stand still, you bastards. Throw it away. Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm your goddamn prisoner. I don't want you. You're a shitty prisoner. Xiri! - Okay, thank you. - Okay, goodbye. Bugger off to Cuba and don't get lost. See that hill over there? You head straight for it, and you'll find your jeep. Goodbye. Okay, out. You drive the jeep. - Where we going, boss? - To my base. How long will we get? Maybe you'll get a year, but this bastard's gonna sit for a long time. There are 12 planes and 9 helicopters searching... ...in a radius of 400 kilometres. So we are covering an area of 20,000-- - Isn't this where we kiss? - Yes. Pull me up! Pull me up! You're tearing my dress! Let me down. No, pull me up. Don't bother. I can't see! Oh, boy. Now can you do it right?