Preheat oven to 350. Follow directions on Phyllo package for handling dough. Do not let it dry out. Spray muffin pan lightly with butter flavored Pam. Remove one sheet of phyllo and use kitchen shears to cut it into six rectangular pieces. Place one rectangle into muffin well and gently press it around the sides and bottom. Spritz with Pam. Layer another rectangle on top of the folded piece and overlap it slightly over the edges of the cup. Spritz again with Pam. Continue layering and spraying until all six pieces have been placed in the cup. Cover with a slightly damp paper towel or kitchen towel until all 12 cups have been filled. Bake for 10 to 12 minutes until browned. Remove from oven and set aside to cool.

Mash 5 strawberries with potato masher or fork in medium bowl. Add Cool Whip, sour cream, and Splenda and mix well. I added Splenda to taste and I think it may have been about a cup but you may need to adjust to your taste.

Place raspberries in blender (or, if you’re like me, the mighty Magic Bullet!) and puree. Strain into small saucepan to remove seeds. Add Splenda and heat on medium until mixture just begins to simmer. Stir in cornstarch mixed with 2 Tablespoons cold water and stir till glaze is thickened. Remove from heat and set aside.

Fill each cup with 2 Tablespoons filling, garnish with strawberry slices, and drizzle with raspberry glaze. Refrigerate until ready to serve.

Makes 24 tarts. Each tart has approximately 60 calories.

By the way…hubby likes lemon so I mixed 1 cup of Cool Whip with 1 cup of Fat Free sour cream and stirred in some Splenda and True Lemon (this is a crystallized lemon substitute that’s found in the spice aisle) and spooned a couple of Tablespoons into a phyllo shell. He loved it! I’m thinking fresh peaches in July, oranges in the winter, you get the picture!

Damn it! I’m up another pound. WTF??? Why is this happening? The only thing I can think of is all the processed foods I’ve been eating. Lots of sodium in lunchmeat, canned soup, soy sauce, deli beef, and cheese. That’s got to be it. 190.5 lbs. I’m really disgusted.

6:00 a.m. — Okay, I couldn’t believe the scales so I weighed myself again after I took my shower and it’s showing 189.5 (same as yesterday). I must have been really dirty. I feel a little better but I should still be losing. I’m keeping a very close eye on sodium and processed foods today.

10:00 a.m. – On a brighter note…my ankle doesn’t hurt today! I always put on my $200.00 athletic shoes with the special, custom made orthotic inserts and this time, I just ran upstairs real quick in my super-comfy ratty old pair of Reeboks and got it done before I changed my mind. hmmm…I’m being so introspective today…all about sodium and preservatives and a super supportive, non forgiving, super sturdy pair of athletic shoes as opposed to a comfy old pair. Maybe the orthopedic ones work so hard to keep my foot and ankle in the right position that it’s a bad thing to do the treadmill when my foot is being held so rigid.

2:30 – Yuck! How do people eat like this? Booooring! I have to think of something for dinner and stop at the store on the way home. That salad at lunch was about as entertaining as a paper sack. Tasted like one, too. Maybe I could do something with phyllo and fresh strawberries. Get my problem? Food is always on my mind. Either I’m eating it, preparing it, or figuring out how to use it.

4:45…Stopped by the store on the way home. It was packed with everyone getting ready for Derby this Saturday. Anyway, I picked up Reduced sodium soy sauce (since I use so much of it), some of those beautiful strawberries, phyllo, fat free sour cream, fat free Cool Whip, veggie burgers for dinner, and some lite whole wheat buns. So now, I’m getting creative. I mixed a carton of sour cream and a small container of Cool Whip, threw in 5 strawberries, and Splenda. Mashed everything up and it tastes fantastic! So now, I’m waiting for the phyllo to thaw and then I’m going to layer it in a muffin pan with butter flavored Pam in between the sheets. I’ll bake the phyllo till it’s brown and then spoon the Cool Whip mix in the phyllo cups. I can slice a strawberry “fan” and put it on the top of each “tart” and maybe drizzle raspberry glaze over it. Cool! So far, I have 400 calories worth of Cool Whip, 300 calories worth of sour cream. Each sheet of phyllo dough has 36 calories. I think I have enough of the sour cream mix for at least 12 tarts. Probably more… but that would be 700 calories worth of the filling divided by 12 or 58 calories for each tart. hmmmm… add the phyllo…top with a strawberry….divide by the square root of 17 and subtract the full moon and that would be 99 calories for each tart. Not bad! Maybe I won’t add raspberry glaze. I’ll have to try one and see if it needs it. Off to the kitchen…

5:45 – Okay, I baked the phyllo cups and they turned out beautiful. Added 2 tablespoons of the filling to each cup and garnished with a strawberry and OMG! These things are to die for! Besides that, they’re so pretty! Turns out, I’ve made enough filling for about 48 of them instead of 12 but that just lowers the calories even more. Each one has 60 calories and no fat. After dinner, if there are any left, I might make some raspberry glaze and take a picture of one and post it on My Favorite Recipes. This one is definitely a keeper.

Things are not starting off well. It’s chilly and damp and supposed to rain all day. I weighed myself this morning and I weigh 189.5. Up 1.5 pounds! I kind of expected it but it’s still disappointing. Why did I expect it? I didn’t exercise yesterday. I went to the store after work and then came home and fixed dinner. Then I sat in front of the TV for four hours and mindlessly munched. I didn’t eat all that much and what I ate was healthy food but it’s still slipping into that mode of watching TV and eating. I fixed a great salad for dinner. So good, in fact, that I kept eating and eating. I know anyone else would look at it and say, “Hey! You didn’t overeat, it’s just normal weight flucuation but I know what it is. I have a really low metabolism and I have to be really, really careful if I want to lose weight. I didn’t exercise because I felt blah and things weren’t coming together for it. My ankle is still irritated from the treadmill and my bike is still broken. I should have gone to the gym and worked out in the pool but I didn’t want to go by myself.

The Sistahs are all kind of laying low. Pam is still recuperating and I haven’t heard from Jana. I emailed them and told them I plan to go to water aerobics this afternoon but Lisa said she’s meeting with her personal trainer and I don’t know if Pam will be up to it. At any rate, I have to go whether anyone else does or not.

10:22 I’m hungry and all my food is gone! I always have some food here at school but I don’ t usually eat breakfast. Now, I find myself hungry and I went to my shelf and found that my oatmeal packets are gone. So, I went to my fridge and found that someone ate my Activia yogurt and left me their fatty (but probably delicious) Dannon yogurt. There’s also a Slimfast shake that somebody has in there but I don’t have a clue who put it in my fridge and I don’t like them anyway. There’s one lonely little cheese stick so I thought I’d have it with a couple of pretzels for breakfast but someone has robbed me and eaten all my pretzels. Probably my German II students because they’re the only ones who have been in here when I wasn’t (and I can’t believe one of my coworkers would do it). So, I ate the cheese stick which probably has a bunch of calories (it’s cheddar with habanero).

5:21 – – Late afternoon and things haven’t improved much. Got a line of communication going with the Sistahs so maybe we can get together soon. Pam is still not feeling well, Jana can’t get away, and Lisa is going to the gym but she’s working with her personal trainer. We’re trying to come up with a plan for when we can all get together.

The principal dumped some work on me just as school was ending today. Paul was supposed to do it but he’s out sick today and Ward is in a panic because he wants to send hardcopies home to parents tomorrow and needs a survey set up and instructions written into the take home copy. Thanks, Paul… :-[ so I got to bring work home with me. I had trouble getting the damn survey to work correctly and I’ve been playing with it the last two hours. So much for going to water aerobics (which starts in 2 minutes). I planned on going to the gym and then picking up a salad at Applebees or Panera to treat myself. Guess I’ll be stuck with finding something here. 17 more school days…

6:30 – – My willpower won the day. I just can’t go another day without exercise so I hit the treadmill and stationary bike. Did 15 minutes on the bike (it’s sooooo boring) and then switched to the treadmill (I know, I know…) and did 40 minutes. My ankle felt good on the “during”, hope it still feels good on the “after”. Now I finally get a few minutes to relax and Donnie wants me to cut his toenails, for God’s sake!

Sat in the spa and had Alleve for breakfast. I may not be able to walk this morning but at least I worked out yesterday. Usually, a bad ankle morning eases up after a couple of hours so I’m optimistic. Keep eating Alleve and trust in “Monday, Monday, so good to me” instead of “Monday, Monday, can’t trust that day.” Still at 188 this morning (and after that treadmill workout!) but that’s okay. Can’t lose everyday although it would be nice.

Eighteen more work days till summer break! Not that I’m counting. I need to communicate with the Sistahs today. We haven’t been supporting each other too much lately. Everybody’s busy trying to cram as much work as possible into the remainder of the school year. I’m not really set up as well as I’d like for the week. Don’t have my menus made out or shopping done. Guess I’ll have to work on that when I get home today.

Wow! I’m starting off the day in a good weigh! 😉 Lost another pound this morning so I’m down to 188. Workin on that goal of 185 by May 15th.

Sistah Pam should have gotten out of the hospital yesterday evening. Saw her around 2:30 or so and she was hoping to get released by 5:30. We’re supposed to get together today and workout but I don’t think she’s going to be up to it.

Let’s take a look at the last two weeks…weight loss of 6 1/2 pounds. Two weeks ago, I would probably stay in the house all day (maybe not even take off my PJs). Since then, I’ve been out to eat 3 times, gone to the gym 3 times, and exercised almost everyday. Right now, I want to get my shower, get dressed and go shopping!

12:30

Still haven’t gone shopping. Cleaned the kitchen, cleaned the bathroom, talked to Mom on the phone, helped Donnie clean out two of the garden ponds (gross!) and separated water lilies.

7:00 p.m.

Helped Donnie open the pool for the year…cleaned the kitchen again…cleaned the bathroom again…and finally managed to get away for a while to go shopping. Bought a new thing that’s supposed to rip the hair off my legs painlessly with a little buffing pad to remove dry skin. Got a new patio table but it didn’t fit in the trunk (surprise, surprise) so I had to call Darryl to come and pick it up. Spent the remainder of the afternoon standing in the checkout line at Walmart where I bought a new intertube for Andrew’s bike so he’ll stay off mine and a new chain for my bike because it broke when he was riding it yesterday evening. It’s a 21 speed bike and replacing the chain looks very complicated so I dumped it on Donnie. I bought some wonderful strawberries at Walmart for $1.50 a quart that are fantastically sweet. That made it worth standing in line (besides, I read the entire current copy of People Magazine while I waited and didn’t have to buy it.)

Just filled out my dinner menu. It always sounds so much better to say Pork Medallions with Fennel, steamed green beans with cranberries, and baked apples with Splenda and cinnamon than to say I had some pork, green beans, and baked apples.

Didn’t hear from Pam today and I didn’t get any exercise so I’m going to call her and then go out for a walk as soon as I clean the kitchen again.

Later…

Pam is much better but still not up to exercising. I walked on the treadmill 30 minutes with a steep incline setting. Not happy about only working 30 minutes but I did work up a good sweat.

I checked my email yesterday evening because Pam was really ill Thursday night and told me she was going to the Immediate Care Center as soon as they opened Friday morning. I didn’t hear anything from her all day and was concerned. I finally decided to check my email one last time and call her if there wasn’t any message. I was shocked to find an email from Jana telling me that Pam was in the hospital. She had severe vomiting and nausea all day Thursday and Thursday night and was severely dehydrated. Her blood sugar was elevated and blood pressure was through the roof. They were still doing tests last night when I went to the hospital but are thinking it might be a viral infection. I called her this morning and left a message. I may call again in a few minutes but I don’t want to disturb her if she’s sleeping. Come on, Sistah, let me know what’s going on.

On the diet side of things, I lost another pound this morning so it looks like yesterday’s carbs didn’t wreck me.

Later…

Talked to Pam. Everything looks okay. The doctor thinks she had stomach flu. Her blood pressure is great, sugar level is good, and she gets to go home if she can keep lunch down. She said she feels a LOT better.

Knowing that Pam is okay, I decided I’d better get my exercise taken care of so I decided to go upstairs and work on the treadmill. I know…the treadmill is not a good thing for me but I can do it occasionally without too much trouble. It’s really boring unless I have some music going so I got my MP3 player but I couldn’t find the earphones. I looked and looked and finally found a pair but they hurt my ears. Okay, so you do what you gotta do, right? I turned it on but the battery was dead so I went to the battery recharger and found that it was full of batteries but unplugged. I tried one battery but it didn’t work so I tried another that did. Went upstairs to find that someone piled boxes on my treadmill so I moved them and went to turn on the treadmill but I couldn’t find the key. I looked all over the place up there and finally found the key and got things going. Worked for five minutes and the battery died in the MP3 player. WHY IS EVERYTHING SO DIFFICULT AROUND HERE???? I’m going to clean and treat the spa and try to relax and chill out for a little while and try again later.

one hour later…

I rode my bike three miles but I think I broke my crotch and had to stop.

I’m okay this morning. Not feeling great but at least it’s Friday. I planned ahead and packed my lunch from last night’s dinner before everyone ate. Evidently, they’re going to eat till it’s gone so I have to set my lunch aside early. It worked, I have my lunch but I just remembered that Phyllisanne said she was bringing carbs today. Skinny little thing, how disgusting! She runs all these races and, if she’s going to run on Saturday, she likes to bring in a big batch of spaghetti and garlic bread and share it with all her buddies to “carb up” as she calls it. I definitely won’t be eating garlic bread but I may have a little portion of spaghetti. We’ll have to see.

I still weigh 190 today. That’s okay. I’m not much more fond of 190 than I wasof 192 but it can hang around for today as long as it leaves tomorrow and I get to welcome 189.

Later…

I just finished breakfast. I tried to set up a different category on menus where I could enter daily menus and calorie counts but can’t seem to make it work right so I guess I’ll just enter them on this page as individual blogs.

Why does everyone always try to feed me on Friday? I brought lunch from last night’s dinner. Now, I have to deal with Phyllisann’s carb binge where she made enough to feed half the teachers in the building but I think I’ll be okay on that because she made the meat sauce with ground turkey and I won’t take much pasta. Then Cindy brought in some kind of Italian appetizer made from crescent rolls and served in little bitty slices. She’s been ranting about these things so she brought them in for everyone to munch on. I took one tiny little bite of one and it was wonderful! I had to throw it out so I wouldn’t eat the rest of it. You know me, now it will be my mission to try to find a way to lighten it up so I can figure out a way to eat some. One of the problems is that it doesn’t have any nutritional information on the recipe so I’ll have to do some research. Barbara, obviously worried that we might starve today, brought in a homemade strawberry pie to share. Sorry, I can’t even try that one. I know I’d eat an entire slice if I took a single bite. …and this is Barbara, who just told me her latest diet is to picture how everything she eats would look if it was glued to her butt. Does she think that pie’s going to go with her jeans? Maybe I should get her some moon pies.

Even later…

Damn! They’re like circling sharks! Sometimes I feel like I don’t stand a chance. Phyllisann set up her feast for everyone, she brought spaghetti and garlic bread and chips and salsa and an entire oblong casserole dish full of guacamole. Me, I contributed a pitcher of iced tea and a box of Splenda. Barbara starts in immediately about how fabulous the guacamole is but I’m not falling for it. I told her I love guacamole but I’m really being careful about what I eat and I’m going to leave it alone. Then she starts telling me about how avacados are in like the top 10% of healthy foods. I told her that they were really fattening and I was afraid if I ate a little bit, I’d eat a lot. So then she starts arguing with me about how I shouldn’t avoid avocados just because they have a lot of calories because they’re so nutritious. Personally, I think she just wanted company walking down the hall with strawberry pie and guacamole glued to her ass but I resisted the impulse to join in and went to the refrigerator to get my leftover ginger pork and salad. I opened the container to put it in the microwave and was shocked to see that I picked up the wrong container. I got the one with two raw pork cutlets in marinade that I didn’t grill last night. Of course, everybody jumped on me then and told me it was karma and I was supposed to eat carbs. Not wanting to upset the delicate karma surrounding all the mini marathon runners, I was forced to eat spaghetti with meat sauce and a hefty spoonful of guacamole with 3 chips. On the bright side, I only ate a little spaghetti and passed on the garlic bread and freshly grated parmesan. It’s Friday, I’m tired (probably because I’m stuffed with spaghetti) and I just want to go home.

Just got back from Urban Fitness. Had a session with Kyle that damn near killed me. Why would I pay extra to get abused like this? Finished up in time to get the water aerobics which weren’t very well choreographed but sure gave me a workout. Got Darryl to take the boys to Civil Air Patrol and I actually get to relax for a couple of hours before they get home and I have to help them with homework.

Feeling good again this morning but running behind so this will be brief. I lost two pounds this morning which gets me to my goal for May 1 (if I can hang on to it). Next goal is 185 by May 15.

Lunch is becoming problematic. It seems like there’s never anything to take. The doctor really stressed the importance of avoiding processed foods like frozen dinners but mornings are so rushed and it seems like I never have time to prepare lunch. This is something I’m going to have to do the night before. For today, guess it’s another Lean Cuisine or Healthy Choice. Life really sucks when I have to feel guilty for eating a Lean Cuisine!

Plans for this evening include going to the gym for my free session with a fitness trainer at 4:30 and then attending water aerobics at 5:30. It looks like I’m going to have to take the boys to their CAP meeting this evening at 7:00 so things will be rushed again.

Later…

Yesterday’s grilled ginger pork was a keeper! Cuts of lean pork tenderloin marinated in soy sauce, garlic pepper, lemon, and ginger and then grilled. Donnie, however, did not want to go to that much trouble (what? I sliced the meat and put it in a bowl with the marinade so all he had to do was throw it on the grill!) so I came home from the gym to find that he made the boys pizza and grilled a reuben for himself. Guess that means we’ll have ginger pork tonight because I only fixed two pieces for my dinner last night.

It’s easy to say my biggest priority for the time being is myself but it’s soooo hard to do! I’m trying to figure out how I’m going to get everything done this evening.

2:30 Rush out the door after work
Stop by the store on the way home
3:20 Arrive home, prep for dinner
4:00 Leave for gym
4:30 Meet with Kyle at gym
5:30 Water Aerobics
6:30 Change clothes and rush home to get the boys to CAP by 7:00
7:30 Get home and fix dinner (way too late for Donnie who goes to bed at 7:30)
8:00 Dinner
9:00 Pick up the boys from CAP
9:30 Help the boys with their homework

This is not a flexible schedule. I may have to cut out Water Aerobics because of the boys’ Thursday night CAP but I hate to do that because it’s the main reason I want to go to the gym. This entire problem would be eliminated IF THEIR PARENTS WOULD TAKE THEM TO CAP but I have a distinct feeling that won’t happen. Granddaughter, Holly, walks in at 8:00 p.m. last night carrying a bucket of KFC (what the Hell is this thing with KFC always appearing in my house? I don’t even like KFC.) and says “I’m here!” I said, “What do you mean you’re here? Why are you here? To which Holly replied, “Mommy said for Andrew and Steven to watch me until she finishes work at 10:00 o’clock.” Well that doesn’t happen! Mom knows that Andrew and Steven can’t stand their annoying little sister and there will be seven kinds of Hell to pay if they try to tell her what to do so she knows I’m the one who’s going to be watching her. So…all the way through my American Idol I’m getting “Nana, can I have a coke?”
“Nana, can I get on the computer?”
“Nana, how do you spell barbie.com/”
“Nana, do you like my new shirt?”
“Nana, Andrew told me to ‘Be Quiet’.
“Nana, can I have some ice cream?”

Need I continue? Get a Babysitter! This bull crap about Andrew and Steven watching her is just an excuse to drop her off at my house and expect me to watch her during the 15 minutes of “free” time I have everyday. God knows, I love all of them more than life itself but I’ve already followed this routine for 40 years and I’m tired!

I just got back from Urban Active where I met up with Pam. Finally decided to bite the bullet and join. It’s not like it’s some kind of lifetime committment. I can pay by the month and it will be easier to work with the Sistahs if we all have a membership. This evening, we spent close to an hour in the pool. Walking, jogging, swimming. My ankle feels great but I think I may get a blister on the ball of my foot because the bottom of the pool is slip resistant grit. I don’t like swim shoes but will have to look for mine if I keep running barefoot in there.

I really enjoyed getting out of the house and spending time with Pam. Now I’m home and reality will hit me. I have to help the boys with homework, fix my dinner and clean the kitchen and watch American Idol! Oh yeah, guess I should do a load of laundry, too. It’s been a good day. Woke up feeling good and managed to hang on to it all day. Now, I have to find a way to consume at least 600 calories. I can do it! Be strong!

I feel much better this morning. Yesterday was beautiful and today promises more of the same. I ate well yesterday and rode my bike around the neighborhood. I’m only riding my bike 3 miles and I used to ride 10 but at least I’m riding.

Weighed in at 191 this morning which makes me feel good. My short term goal is 190 by the end of the month and that certainly seems within reach. I’m meeting my sistahs at the gym this afternoon and plan on doing some aerobics in the pool if the timing works out okay. If not, I guess I’ll do the treadmill or the stationary bike. Wish I could do the elliptical but that’s too hard on the ankles.

Yesterday’s diet was an apple for breakfast, salad for lunch, and Vietnamese Pork Rolls and apple slices for dinner. The pork rolls were great! Strips of pork tenderloin simmered in Nac Pham, soy sauce, and splenda, then rolled up in leaf lettuce with cilantro and mint. I made a dipping sauce of lime juice, Nac Pham, garlic, and red peppers. Yum!

I watched two hours of TV last night (couldn’t miss American Idol or Hell’s Kitchen!) and then hit the bed for a good night’s sleep. Slept great and feel really good this morning.

I’m sitting here eating my salad for lunch and feeling bad about something. I’m not sure what it is. I’m trying to examine my feelings and get to the bottom of this. For some reason, I feel guilty and, if I feel guilty, I feel bad. I think it has to do with that extra pound this morning. As if I’m feeling like I must have done something to bring it on. Why is that? I didn’t do anything. I’m thinking, “Maybe I should have tried to do a more difficult workout.” or “I didn’t write down all my calories yesterday so maybe I ate too much”. I’m not sure what this is about. I feel like I’m trying to put something over on someone but I don’t know why I feel that way. I worked out yesterday (true, I could have worked harder but maybe I wouldn’t be walking today if I had). I didn’t write down all the calories I consumed (but I figured all that out for the week and ate exactly what was on my menu). All I’ve eaten today is an apple and this salad so it’s not anything I’ve done today. Perhaps it’s just because I used to be so extreme with my workouts that I’m feeling like I’m not trying hard enough. There’s that gray area between working hard enough to do the job but not straining my ankle so much that I can’t work out tomorrow. This is really weird.