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Tuesday, December 15, 2009

It was not just another day of my life, It was probably the beginning of the end of this life and the starting of a new life. The challenging of the discovery will wake up with me everyday. It is clear where I am now, The doctor explained carefully that the things changed and it will require from me a big change of my mindset. The reality is that I will need to live my life with Cancer. I have a tumor in the left side of the Liver that cannot be removed by surgery and there is another bit close to the stomach that has grown but still needs to be investigated to know exactly where it is located. What happen next will be decided by the oncologists, There is plenty of things that can be done to control the growth of the cancer, but this unfortunately now must be seen as a palliative care rather than anything that can be cured. It is hard to take it inside but the doctor mentioned something that is true, it is still more likely that I would die in a car crash than by this Cancer, because is a slower growth cancer and the treatment that will be addressed hopefully will control and minimize the effects. When I asked him if in the end of the day I can be considered a terminal patient he said that I am not at that stage because I still can live five, ten or thirty years. And it is up to me to spend energies thinking about the time I will live or rather just go out and be happy pointing to my lovelies princesses.

In all this days I learnt so much about Life but today I think for the first time I used all that which I learnt in this process, It was with some peace so far I been taking the news and when I came out from the appointment I swear, Olivia and Justyna looked different people into my eyes, I just wanted to be wrap in themselves and hug and kiss them. To be submitted and pushed for this extreme it might be a gift, It is for some reason that the word present (gift) is the same as Present (today).

Even if I am exhausted I already understood that it will be more likely to find the happiness that I urge to find, not being so much attached to how long I will live but how I will construct the present days. I will need to find other meaning for this challenge, All the moments must be seen as precious, almost like gold.