Jesus McSordid:I'm down with the whole drinking milk thing, but one American habit that makes me barf is non-dairy creamer. What's that shiat made from? Some kind of plastic?

It's either whiskey (pref. bourbon) or Bailey's.

Oh, wait, you mean that powdered sh*t? I have no idea. I don't know many people that actually use it, either way. I think they came up with it in the'50's, and it's still on store shelves because it hasn't all been sold yet. Kind of like Lewis Black's candy corn.

Mojongo: My father told a story about being an American soldier in England waiting for the D-Day invasion. He got in a poker game with some Brits and the betting got intense. Being new to their currency he wasn't sure how much to raise 2 Pounds 10 bob with so he pushed a stack of money in the pot and said, " I'll see your pounds, and raise you a ton."

4. Talking to strangers unpromptedThis happens most often on public transport. I'll be on a plane or train in the U.S., minding my own business, when someone I've never met will try to start a conversation. Short of pretending to be deaf and/or French, there's nothing to be done.

Hell, we do it on the elevator (or "lift"), with the cashier at the grocery store, in line at the coffee shop, the waiter, etc. I really didn't notice how us Americans love frigging small talk until I lived in Asia for several years. I was at SFO going through security and some TSA guy joked that he really hated my baseball cap (Dodgers) and I needed to take it off. It was obviously meant as a joke, but I had been abroad so long I had sort of a blank look in response - the idea of a security person joking or making small talk was weird.

It's really must be an American thing. I don't see people yapping with strangers in other countries.

Over 200 years ago, we threw you and yours to the curb. While we appreciate that our Neighbors to the North still hold y'all in high esteem, and they ARE a very polite people, we likewise, did so for a reason. In that time, we have managed not only to have American Standard English outstrip British Standard English as the language of business abroad, and our financial as well as our industrial capacity outstrip your own by several factors, and even came to y'all's rescue a few times, out of the kindness of our Yank hearts. Well, that and blistering economic opportunities, and personal satisfaction of pulling your bacon out of the fire. In that time, we've managed to pull together a fairly bellicose and belligerent bunch of ex-pats, immigrants, and natives together into a union, with a fair varied experience than your Isles managed to bring. We brought over Scots and Irish, your own kin and kith, the French, the Spanish, even some disenfranchised Mexicans, Cubans, and a few other Latinates including some Italians and even the Portuguese, and in the meantime some Nihonjin, Chinese, some of those Pakis that you REALLY seem down on, some of the Indians that you are still trying to come to terms with, along with our own native population, and knitted them into the fabric of our society. It hasn't been seamless, it has had hiccups, as the imported African labor that you so lovingly helped us with, and then abandoned in your own shores, because, let's face it, you just didn't really seem to have time for all that, since you could just import the tobacco and cotton that we produced anyway, and wash your hands of the human cost that you brought with the whole shebang, and let us figure out what to do with the results of your experiment.

You are surprised that we AREN'T something different than yourselves? We ARE separated by a shared language--one that we've seen fit to modify, since we developed manners that you find curious and oddly embracing and at the same time invasive. We HAVE had room to move, and to expand, while you have been cramped upon your Isles, while we have had to tame a goodish part of the New World, and that sort of means keeping in good touch with our neighbors, some of whom would have parted our skulls from our heads, or shot us and stolen our lands, or at least made us work them for them, or in fact did do exactly that, so yeah, we try to be friendly. We ARE a romantic ideal. We built those ideals upon those that you gifted to us, only we didn't just fantasize about them, we built a nation from them, while you wrote a few novels, and daydreamed. We are a social people, because we NEEDED those ties, and NEEDED those people, while you were defending your tiny yards from those dirty folks who might desire them for their own. We built a nation, while you insulated a nation. We were your expansive spirit, only we severed ties, and did so in the portions of the continent that were not just fertile, but ridiculously so, and lucky for you and a fair portion of the world, we export and share. We are what you could have been, had your aristocracy and monarchy hadn't melded to corporate interests so heavily. Lucky for you, and most of Europe, we ARE making some of those same mistakes, and now you can laugh at us heartily, while you invest and take advantage of the opportunities, and our largess, and our spirit to meddle in other folks' affairs, which in all honesty, we got by watching you.

America is Britain, writ large. We are what your empire might have been, and could have profited from, had your monarchy not been quite such douches. Do we confuse you? Certainly. Heck, the Canuckistanis confuse us, and they are more us than yourselves, but that's because for a long while, we had a LOT more to deal with than a nest of conflicting allegiances and political games on the continent, and an overextended Empire--that is making our own. In fairness, you can laugh at our misadventures now, only because you've made those mistakes, contracted your empire, and now keep only in the game, thanks to assistance from your former colonies, who overshadow you in just about every arena.

Tea comes hot, or it comes iced, and if it's iced, you might want to put some sugar in there, because in America, not putting sugar into tea is a sign of poor hospitality that company doesn't deserve the sugar. Learn that. We like our iced tea. We tip. We like to include our friends in things, and we are often huggers. We share. We like to think we are egalitarian. Ours is NOT making great shakes for that, but we like to pretend, and we make great noises to at least try. It shapes our social context. We DO have decent curry, but on top of that, we have Cajun, we have a whole raft of Southern and South West cooking, our Yankee fare is something to try, along with a whole next of local cuisines. Seriously. And maybe let up on the affection for putting vegetables through the f*cking Auto-da-fe? Seriously. Our Italian and French fellows put us onto the idea that you don't have to cook a vegetable like a f*cking pork roast in the middle of a trichinosis outbreak. It's spinach. It can be just wilted, and actually more tasty if it's not cooked down to the point of liquidity. Same with squash. You do realize that beans, corn and squash are the Holy Trinity in native cuisine here, right? We KNOW what we're doing with the f*ckers. Let us actually show you the way...

Ima4nic8or:The one I agree with 1000% is #4. That crap is just annoying as fark. Its one of the main reasons I won't ride mass transit. I remember having to ride the bus to my first job when I was too young to drive. The ridership was 50% retarded (I don't mean that as a derogatory statement toward an unlikable but normal person, but as a diagnosis. These folks had down syndrome and assorted other mental defects), another 25% were low-life, scumbag, criminal element types, another 10% were religious or political kooks, another 5% were old folks who would just talk your ear off about the old days if you let them and the small remainder were folks like me who had to be there and just wanted to be left in peace. Unfortunately almost every single day one of these damn clowns would try to strike up a conversation with me. If they were interesting topics it might have been worthwhile to talk, but it was always completely trivial crap. Worse yet these folks seemed to be incapable of taking any sort of hint short of "fark off, asshole."

The one I find weird is when you are reading, and a person thinks that's an invitation to ask you about what you're reading. I mean, would you pull someone's earphones off and ask what they were listening to?

Ima4nic8or:The one I agree with 1000% is #4. That crap is just annoying as fark. Its one of the main reasons I won't ride mass transit. I remember having to ride the bus to my first job when I was too young to drive. The ridership was 50% retarded (I don't mean that as a derogatory statement toward an unlikable but normal person, but as a diagnosis. These folks had down syndrome and assorted other mental defects), another 25% were low-life, scumbag, criminal element types, another 10% were religious or political kooks, another 5% were old folks who would just talk your ear off about the old days if you let them and the small remainder were folks like me who had to be there and just wanted to be left in peace. Unfortunately almost every single day one of these damn clowns would try to strike up a conversation with me. If they were interesting topics it might have been worthwhile to talk, but it was always completely trivial crap. Worse yet these folks seemed to be incapable of taking any sort of hint short of "fark off, asshole."

I've found that a newspaper can work wonders in this regard. Of course, there are on occassion people who want to talk anway, and of course they'll be on the far, FAR end of the Christ-what-an-asshole spectrum, but for just about everyone else it's an adequate signal, in my experience.

Also, someone upthread mentioned English mustard. If you meant Collman's, it can be found here, you just have to look a bit. (AND IT'S F*CKING AWESOME.)

doyner:Uchiha_Cycliste: violentsalvation: 7. Drinking milkMoo juice is meant for putting on cereal, adding to pancake batter and pouring in tea.

Barf.

Beat me to it, I was going to post this EXACTLY as you did... it's like you read my mind. Spooky.

WTF is wrong with milk in hot tea? Pretty yummy.

But then, I grew up (in part) in England...

When Mrs Spldng & I visited the Brutish Isles (actually Ireland) years ago on our honeymoon, we were advised of two things.1. The Irish cannot make a decent cup of coffee.2. You are best to take tea and add milk and/or sugar exactly as you would your coffee at home.

This worked amazingly well.

When all else fails, carry a small jar of instant coffee to kick the coffee one is served up to acceptable strength.

Fano:The one I find weird is when you are reading, and a person thinks that's an invitation to ask you about what you're reading. I mean, would you pull someone's earphones off and ask what they were listening to?

Well, gluttony is bad. But in the mornings I need the supersized caffeinated sugary carbonated refreshment. It just enhances my ability to engage strangers with outpourings of compulsory sentimentality.

Ima4nic8or:The one I agree with 1000% is #4. That crap is just annoying as fark. Its one of the main reasons I won't ride mass transit. I remember having to ride the bus to my first job when I was too young to drive. The ridership was 50% retarded (I don't mean that as a derogatory statement toward an unlikable but normal person, but as a diagnosis. These folks had down syndrome and assorted other mental defects), another 25% were low-life, scumbag, criminal element types, another 10% were religious or political kooks, another 5% were old folks who would just talk your ear off about the old days if you let them and the small remainder were folks like me who had to be there and just wanted to be left in peace. Unfortunately almost every single day one of these damn clowns would try to strike up a conversation with me. If they were interesting topics it might have been worthwhile to talk, but it was always completely trivial crap. Worse yet these folks seemed to be incapable of taking any sort of hint short of "fark off, asshole."

So sorry to hear that you were forced to socialize with other humans on a daily basis. It must have been AWFUL. Especially the lonely old people, who just wanted someone to talk to before they spent the rest of their day stuck in their home with no one calling them. I rode a bus for several years to my adult job, and I remember meeting some very nice people on the bus- it's usually the dbag who don't acknowledge you exist. Like the ones who wouldn't look me in the eye and plugged their headphones in when I was 9 months pregnant and standing up because all of the seats were taken. I'm sure they noticed when I fainted, but they still refused to look at me. Because we aren't supposed to communicate with each other, you know.

Fano:Ima4nic8or: The one I agree with 1000% is #4. That crap is just annoying as fark. Its one of the main reasons I won't ride mass transit. I remember having to ride the bus to my first job when I was too young to drive. The ridership was 50% retarded (I don't mean that as a derogatory statement toward an unlikable but normal person, but as a diagnosis. These folks had down syndrome and assorted other mental defects), another 25% were low-life, scumbag, criminal element types, another 10% were religious or political kooks, another 5% were old folks who would just talk your ear off about the old days if you let them and the small remainder were folks like me who had to be there and just wanted to be left in peace. Unfortunately almost every single day one of these damn clowns would try to strike up a conversation with me. If they were interesting topics it might have been worthwhile to talk, but it was always completely trivial crap. Worse yet these folks seemed to be incapable of taking any sort of hint short of "fark off, asshole."

The one I find weird is when you are reading, and a person thinks that's an invitation to ask you about what you're reading. I mean, would you pull someone's earphones off and ask what they were listening to?

i suppose that might be annoying, but they might just want to meet you.

imagine all the friends you'd have if you never spoke to anyone that wasn't already your friend.

I'm not sure I could go on in life without at least one cup of milk a day. I had TWO cousins that wound up as dairy princesses in New York, and have been subjected to the programming of the dairy industrial complex's (DIC's) programming that tells me I need 3 cups of milk per day for strong bones and teeth.

I apologize for this weirdly obsessive dental post--I've spent too much time at the dentist lately. It's a good thing my dentist is smoking hot.

Sounds about right.At first it didn't./I read that as 'My dentist is smoking pot".//Smoking after this post.///Flossing during.

I have a weird memory--which I'm certain must be wrong--of being about 15-years-old and having an attractive dental hygienist ask me if I got high. I know it must have been my horny teenage self misintepreting what she said, but still, I like to think she was coming on to me.

Ima4nic8or:I recently traveled in UK and France and never encountered this in either. Folks talked to you if it was actually necessary, like to collect a train ticket or some such thing. Otherwise they left me alone.

i lived in europe (mostly the UK) for a few years.

if i make eye contact with somebody, i believe it is polite to nod, smile or otherwise acknowledge the other person.you don't have to say anything, but it would seem rude to look through them as though they didn't exist.

when traveling on a train from brussels to hasselt (belgium), i made eye contact with a group of students (or i assumed from their ages they went to university), and politely said "(good) morning", as i would here, thinking they probably spoke some english. they responded in english and asked politely why i was visiting....good thing i am an american that speaks to strangers, because the train i was on splits into two trains that go in different directions at one stop, and i was on the wrong end of the train.

When the Brits say 'bacon' they mean 'ham.' When they say 'streaky bacon' they mean 'bacon.'

not just streaky bacon....smoked streaky bacon...because they also sell flavorless streaky bacon.and not just smoked streaky bacon, rindless smoked streaky bacon.and who the hell eats bacon with the rind on. why the fark do i have to ask you to take it off?

Notabunny:Superrad: So, we eat a lot and are outgoing. Yep, that's America.

So at breakfast a couple weeks ago, my 9yo son whips off his shirt without saying a word and starts making armpit farts. I literally blew milk out my nose. I said I'd tried a hundred times as a kid, but never learned how to do that. So my son graciously gave us all lessons at the breakfast table. Within about 10 minutes, my 6yo daughter was ready for show and tell. I'm still getting lessons.

That's hysterical. So weird, and awesome. Your kids will turn out just fine.

OUTRAGE!!! A good English breakfast with three kinds of meat, at a minimum, takes more than one person to prepare. It's one of the few, very few, culinary gifts from the British Isles and shouldn't be disparaged if only because it involves bacon..

Greylight:OUTRAGE!!! A good English breakfast with three kinds of meat, at a minimum, takes more than one person to prepare. It's one of the few, very few, culinary gifts from the British Isles and shouldn't be disparaged if only because it involves bacon..

Popular Opinion:Fano: Ima4nic8or: The one I agree with 1000% is #4. That crap is just annoying as fark. Its one of the main reasons I won't ride mass transit. I remember having to ride the bus to my first job when I was too young to drive. The ridership was 50% retarded (I don't mean that as a derogatory statement toward an unlikable but normal person, but as a diagnosis. These folks had down syndrome and assorted other mental defects), another 25% were low-life, scumbag, criminal element types, another 10% were religious or political kooks, another 5% were old folks who would just talk your ear off about the old days if you let them and the small remainder were folks like me who had to be there and just wanted to be left in peace. Unfortunately almost every single day one of these damn clowns would try to strike up a conversation with me. If they were interesting topics it might have been worthwhile to talk, but it was always completely trivial crap. Worse yet these folks seemed to be incapable of taking any sort of hint short of "fark off, asshole."

The one I find weird is when you are reading, and a person thinks that's an invitation to ask you about what you're reading. I mean, would you pull someone's earphones off and ask what they were listening to?

i suppose that might be annoying, but they might just want to meet you.

imagine all the friends you'd have if you never spoke to anyone that wasn't already your friend.

Yes, but there are social signals for when you want to engage. I'm not a babysitter for bored extroverts. If I feel like chatting I'll start looking around.

1: American Football. Why all the protection? Why is it called 'foot' ball? Why are you still playing Gary Glitter songs?2: It's farking St. Paddy's Day, you dipshiat. P-A-D-D-Y.3: Burgle. Medicine. Say it, motherfarker! It's a lot faster than 'burglarization' or 'medication'....stop putting 'ion' into every damn word to appear more intelligent. It doesn't work! We know how ignorant you really are.4. Lack of passports.5. I'm not deaf. No need to talk so loudly. Also, wise-ass black American people in films are funny. In real life, not so much.

"Burglarization"? You've actually heard someone say that? As opposed to burglary... Odd. It's funny that something I've *never* heard in decades in all parts of America is one of your pet peeves about Americans.

When the Brits say 'bacon' they mean 'ham.' When they say 'streaky bacon' they mean 'bacon.'

not just streaky bacon....smoked streaky bacon...because they also sell flavorless streaky bacon.and not just smoked streaky bacon, rindless smoked streaky bacon.and who the hell eats bacon with the rind on. why the fark do i have to ask you to take it off?

The only way I can get iced tea when I visit the UK is to order hot tea and a glass or two of ice.Drives me nuts that you cannot even find iced tea at the bigger hotels.... That being said, it does give me an excuse to splurge on Lucazade which can no longer be imported into the US....

Outside the USA, there are a couple of Asian countries (Thailand for one) that drink tea cold, and that's about it. Most of the world drinks tea hot and doesn't even conceive of drinking tea with ice. It's very hard to get ice tea most countries.

Ice tea and cornbread are the two things I miss most when I'm outside the USA.

When the Brits say 'bacon' they mean 'ham.' When they say 'streaky bacon' they mean 'bacon.'

not just streaky bacon....smoked streaky bacon...because they also sell flavorless streaky bacon.and not just smoked streaky bacon, rindless smoked streaky bacon.and who the hell eats bacon with the rind on. why the fark do i have to ask you to take it off?

Are you looking for breakfast and a happy ending?

Heaven Is Where:

The French are the chefsThe Italians are the loversThe British are the policeThe Germans are the mechanicsAnd the Swiss make everything run on time

Hell is Where:

The British are the chefsThe Swiss are the loversThe French are the mechanicsThe Italians make everything run on timeAnd the Germans are the policeThe British contributions to cuisine are dire...

4. Talking to strangers unpromptedThis happens most often on public transport. I'll be on a plane or train in the U.S., minding my own business, when someone I've never met will try to start a conversation. Short of pretending to be deaf and/or French, there's nothing to be done.

This is more regional. Only really happens in the South. In the Northeast people think you're a crazy person if you do this.

7. Drinking milkMoo juice is meant for putting on cereal, adding to pancake batter and pouring in tea. Americans must have missed the memo because they drink the stuff neat. To me, this is only slightly less absurd than eating a plate of salt and pepper for dinner.

I assume this is because the National Milk Producers Federation has done such a good job convincing Americans that milk is an elixer of life, and that every child must drink 3 cups a day. IIRC, they finally got in trouble a few years ago for their baseless claims about the health benefits of milk.

KatjaMouse:Notabunny: Yeah, I'm not sure what it is, but we stand out. Our clothes are a little different, but I think it's more out body movements. Heads up, big arm movements, long strides, etc. You can pick out an American a block away.

My cousin who just moved to Britain says something to that affect. She's tiny and quite petite but her new husbands friends apparently comment on how "American" she is walking down the street. The way she declares to people around her by her stride that she owns this block even though 75% of her neighbors could probably wad her up like a used tissue. They apparently describe the walking style as "wantonly confident."

That's fascinating. I know I walk that way on the street - as opposed to at home - deliberately to tell muggers that I'm not a victim. They actually teach people that in self-defense courses. Do British muggers have more subtle "I'm a victim!" body language cues?

Mithiwithi:homelessdude: I cannot take this seriously until the Brits stop driving on the wrong side of the road.

Then maybe an international group of us can sit down over a huge breakfast and drink moo-juice and discuss methods to raise the standards of dental health in the UK.

There's nothing wrong with British dental health, they just don't spend tens of thousands of dollars putting their kids in braces for years until every tooth is exactly in the "right" position. As long as there's no cavities or gingivitis, who cares?

/I never understood the bit about Max Quordlepleen, the emcee for Milliways, having teeth like a "polished bay window" until I thought about it in light of Britain's lack of interest in cosmetic dentistry

heh heh...I hear ya and agree. The cosmetic and orhtodontic dental industry in the US is nuts.

I was just throwing a silly jab....about as serious as complaining about people driving on the left side of the road

4. Talking to strangers unprompted: I do this. When I traveled in Denmark, this was one of those culture shock things. I pass someone on the street here in Texas, we say "hi" and move on. Do it in Europe and people just look at you as if you're nuts. My ex explained to me, from the Danish point of view, that "You Americans like to make noise whenever you can." What's wrong with a friendly hi to a stranger?

5. Whooping: This was also brought up when I was in Denmark. Again, it was "We don't whoop or cheer here in Denmark, like you loud Americans." Honestly, I think half of Europe needs to pull the stick out of your collective asses. I would say just Denmark, but here's a Brit making the same complaint, so I'm thinking it might be the continent at this point. As for the whooping, at first I had no problem with it, then I went to a company that was whooping all the time and trying to see who could whoop the loudest. I am no longer associated with that company.

6. Compulsive sentimentality: This surprises me. When I was in high school I was told that we really aren't like that here in the U.S. compared to Europe because we associate everything with sex and over there such things weren't viewed sexually.

7. Drinking Milk: that's just nuts to see it as nothing but drinking cream and sugar.

8. Ordering supersized portions: It's great to have an option for more food for those who eat more.

9. Taking home leftovers: Hey, I paid for a meal, what's wrong with taking home what I didn't finish? The restaurant isn't going to lower the price because I didn't finish my dinner.

10. Eating breakfast together: Growing up I ate Sunday breakfast and every dinner with my family. I liked it, it was great. It would actually be one of those things that I would do if I had children. Even when I was in Denmark, the ex, myself and her family would eat all meals, including breakfast, would be with the entire family.

# 6 is the biggest. Collectively, there isn't anything Brits hate more than earnestness. When Brits are warm and friendly and polite but don't actually mean it, Americans think it's hypocrisy. But it does serve a purpose as a sort of social glue. Imagining a world where everyone had to be literally true all the time makes for a pretty dull picture. One of the many reasons Brit comedy will always trump anything on this side of the pond.