Once upon a time… The Szekely Woman and the Devil

Hungarian folk tales are not really nice to ordinary women. Some poor old dears and princesses can have it good, but real women are treated harshly without the slightest chance for a happy ending. The Szekely Woman and the Devil is one such folk tale.

We have a middle aged Szekely couple; the man goes to work on the fields, his wife works around the house and takes lunch to her husband every day. The woman is far from obedient, she always does the exact opposite of what’s asked of her. When her man asks her for an early lunch, she delivers it at nightfall. When he asks for something tastier, she prepares extra awful food. But years of the same routine taught the man how to get what he wants from the missus, so he tells her not to bring his lunch any time soon and that by no means he wants stuffed chicken with pancakes. So that’s exactly what he gets. The shrewd man can’t stop there. After a hearty meal, he decides to get rid of the woman once and for all. He digs a ditch, and tells the wife not to go near it. So the stubborn woman walks into the trap. You reckon she’s asked for it? Her hubby does, and leaves the woman to her fate.

Desperately trying to crawl out, the wretched woman summons the devil. The flaming red creature tells her to hop on his back and frees her from the ditch. However, the devil hasn’t got the manual for the woman, so he doesn’t know he won’t get rid of her just by asking her to get off his back. This devil is a dumb creature, he repeatedly asks the woman to hop off his back in vain. A hussar comes along, so the devil promises half a kingdom if the good soldier helps him get rid of the woman. The hussar is more of a material girl than Madonna has ever been, he doesn’t care for the woman’s dignity, but threatens her with his sword. After an unsuccessful attempt, he tells her to stay where she is, so the woman gets off the devil, and the evil spirit flies off.

The next morning the unchivalrous hussar and the devil meet up to discuss the promised half kingdom. A king’s daughter is possessed by the devil, all the hussar has to do is to exorcise the princess saying ’Get off devil, I want to possess her!’ Forget what The Exorcist has taught you; when one’s possessed by the devil in Hungarian folk tales, it’s a good thing. It’s orgasmic. The hussar does as he’s told, and makes the wild princess his blushing bride. Before it’s time for the inevitable happy ending for the hussar, he’s summoned again to another possessed princess. Although the devil’s warned him not to do the trick more than once unless he wants to be possessed himself, the hussar replaces the evil flame burning in the princess again with his own human self. The devil is rushing to claim the hussar to himself, but the clever soldier lies the old Szekely woman is coming. The devil is scared off and the hussar commits bigamy. For a happy ending, see our next issue.