US President-elect Barack Obama and his former rival US President-non-elect John McCain have vowed to work hard in a "new bipartisan era of redecorating" to restore trust in government by skillful use of smoke, mirrors and strategically placed ferns.

Meeting for the first time since the election (now that gas prices are down a bit and Barack offered to pay for John's gas "just this once"), they pledged to take a bipartisan approach on critical issues such as the US financial crisis, international affairs generally considered to be none of their business... and why Sarah Palin was still breathing.

Apparently each had assumed the other had 'put out a hit' on the loudmouthed looney-tune.

They did agree to erase, or at least to scribble over, the State of Alaska [pop. 513] on all White House maps and globes.

Mr McCain said he "obviously" planned to help Mr Obama's administration and assured reporters that his skill with floor polishers and other complex Capitol Hill machinery had not diminished with age.

But neither man named a specific future position for Mr McCain aside from his current dual role as Senate straw dog and GOP whipping boy.

While the president-elect has pinkie-sworn that he will include Republicans in his cabinet if they promise to delouse, it is not thought that his former rival is among the likely candidates.

"My cabinet really isn't all that big, you know, Michelle and I only bought it on sale at Pier One because it matches our TV room sectional. I'm just not sure we can squeeze John in...especially with the Clintons and Kennedys we hope to chuck in there."

In a bipartisan statement issued after the meeting, they said they had shared a "conversation" and some "toasted sandwiches" while agreeing on the need to "launch a grand new era of redecorating".

"We hope to work together in the days and months ahead on the critical challenge of writing a entire new Constitution to make up for George W. Bush scissoring out large sections of the Library of Congress original, and then creating a whole country for it where all the nice Americans could move to, especially the ones who don't speak too much Spanish or Arabic," their statement continued.

Their "talk" also briefly touched on developing "bipartisan solutions" for the world financial crisis.

After the meeting, the two men sat briefly for the cameras and John McCain immediately fell asleep, though no one noticed until his cell phone rang.

Reporters suggested that he might wish to change the ringtone as it currently plays 'Hail to the Chief'.

In a related story, George W Bush is still president of the United States.

Bush has been repeatedly disappearing from public view, making the Secret Service work that much harder. Only yesterday he was found "pantsed" and shoved upside-down into a rubbish bin.

Those responsible have not been identified, though rumours suggest a bipartisan effort.

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