Olivia Anne, you're absolutely right. Finding out 4 months after the event means we had no chance to attend the funeral and grieve with everyone else. There's no-one to blame for that. I last corresponded with Brad in October and it would not be unusual for such a time to pass with no interaction. In the ten years or so we worked together on and off I only met his wife once and that was the last time I saw Brad, so there's no reason to suppose she would know who I was or to let me know. I guess she could find me in his phone, but I'm sure she's dealing with her own immeasurable grief right now and may not even have the emotional strength to switch it on.