Pros and cons of care by a relative

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You may like to ask one of your child's relatives to care for her when you go back to work. We outline the pros and cons of care by a relative.

What are the advantages of having a relative care for my child?

Probably the most compelling reason to use a family member is because you know and trust them. No other childcare option has the potential to deliver as much peace of mind. Your child is your relative's own family, not just another mouth to feed, or nappy to change. So you can be sure that your relative genuinely cares about your child's health and happiness.

Your relative may also share similar views on issues such as discipline, food and activities for your child. So you will know that your child is having consistent care and attention from someone who will play an enduring role in her life.

You and your child may already see your relative regularly and they may have babysat before. This means your child should adjust to you going back to work much more easily compared with other forms of childcare.

Being at home is another advantage that relative care has over day nurseries and childminders. Your child can stay in her own home or in a relative's, so you can be sure she's in a familiar and comforting environment.

Using a relative probably means that your child is getting plenty of one-to-one care. Even if you have more than one child, the ratio of children to carers will be lower than in a day nursery or with a childminder.

You may also find that your childcare costs are lower if you use a relative. While most people who use relatives do offer pay or some other compensation, it is usually at a much lower rate than other childcare options.

What are the disadvantages?

Some of the strengths of the arrangement can also be weaknesses. Having a close personal relationship with your child's caregiver can make it difficult for you to establish an employer-employee relationship.

If your relative is one of your parents or a parent-in-law, they may feel that they know more about raising children than you do. They may have their own ideas about issues such as feeding, discipline and sleep. In addition to undermining your authority, this can confuse your child and end up damaging the relationship with your relative.

To make sure you're both in agreement about your child's care, be sure to talk through any issues and establish ground rules from the start. Ground rules can be a difficult thing to talk to your relative about, but for the arrangement to work you'll need to find a way to do this.

Tensions can also arise over payment. You may offer money because you feel you would be taking advantage otherwise. Your relative may refuse because they feel they can't accept money from you. Not paying or rewarding them in any way may mean you feel indebted to them or that you're imposing upon them. This could put a great deal of strain on your childcare arrangement and on your relationship.

If an older relative, such as a parent, aunt or uncle is looking after your children, their energy levels may be lower than someone younger. They may have more than enough stamina to care for a baby, but they may find a running, jumping, exploring toddler exhausting. Adding another child to your family may also prove to be too much for some relatives.

If your relative doesn't have the energy to entertain and stimulate your child, you may want to consider changing to a childminder or day nursery. You may want to do this anyway as your child enters her toddler and preschool years. Two-, three- and four-year-olds get a lot out of playing and socialising with other children, something they usually don't get in relative care.

Finally, unlike childminders and day nurseries, relatives are not obliged to be trained in childcare. So you would need to provide your relative with ideas for activities and games that are appropriate for your child's age.

Last reviewed: September 2011

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