Wednesday, October 03, 2012

Leap of Faith—a prequel

The following gave rise to the last post.It is an experiment to see what I would
sound like if I were insane. This might make sense to no one.

Being second in command of our humble household, I declared
a moratorium on Internet use simply to think.Thinking has been hard for a while.I try to avoid it.It doesn’t exactly give me a headache,
but it scares me.All kinds of odd
sensations run through my body, and with each passing thought pictures and memories
inevitably from the past. And as
is customary for someone who has gone insane a couple of times in the past 6-year,
a pandemonium ensue.

I have been thinking about some instinctive reaction I had
to a morning event a couple of days ago for a while now and the reasons why I
quickly chose to do the things I did and avoided doing the second thing that
came to my mind which I didn’t do and what they symbolized.

And despite the fact that I am not religious, and having grown
progressively more disenchanted by them A to Z, it wasn’t the “role of a dice”
that popped in my mind so much as the phrase “leap of faith.”I guess that’s why I declared the moratorium to begin with.It presupposed an innate trust one
wouldn’t have in an autocracy.

And yes I have
a very well read bible too.And I
am definitely not a Muslim.But if
so many don’t believe the President of these United States, who’s going to
believe me?I have been to more
Baptist and Catholic churches than Mosques.Who cares really?But I did talk to God once for at least one hour six years ago.We shared a bottle of orange juice, and
I persuaded him not to send the quakes.He was angry too.But remained quite emphatic.The forbidden one was a grapefruit.Go figure.I don’t believe him.But I learned afterwards that there is little place on the back of the
head responsible for mystic experiences.That’s why a lot of insane people see angels. I saw them cry and speak the verses day after day for three
weeks last year.

I didn’t see any angels this time around.But did talk extensively with a rhyming
horse from Kentucky—no kidding-- For three weeks.He talked in English in perfect rhythm and wouldn’t shut
up.But I have never figured out rhythm.I could do rhymes occasionally.Did you know they still say, according
to the Greeks that rhyme is sign of crude poetry.Easy for them to say!Ton Agathon, tous Agathous, hoi Poloi.Not all languages work like that I guess.

But if you want to see the real warning signs of the lurking
danger, drop by Tallinn and have a piece of pizzas in downtown.The young server was fluent in many
tongues.And me?Can’t even get the English right.But I did wake up once in Paris at 3
when some one in a speeding car yelled out Waaazzzz Uppp!Not kidding.That’s the real danger.More wasted talent on home front.

But traditional families and values must be protected at all
cost.Homogeneity in some sense is
both essential, necessary and aesthetically appealing in the context of
multi-ethnic societies, I think. And
if they didn’t feel so (rightly) beleaguered at home without empathy or
sympathy, perhaps we wouldn’t be scared of every piss ant Mo and Al.But there has to be tolerance for the fringes that will
always intermingle no matter what country they are in.It’s the easiest rebuke to Freud.

Although you
must admit, if the question of white socks should pop up the way that it does,
times are fundamentally out of joint! And it was traumatizing enough—all the cat and mouse games in
Iran.But we’ll get to the socks too.

A fair enough
question though!I guess I’ve
babbled enough from the very beginning of this blog about the audacity to
appear naked in public.And who do
you think taught me that?Yes I am sure one particular group which should be quite numerous, I
trust, is livid with the ungrateful parasitic snake—defiler of all thing
decent. But I’ve always aspired to
be ethical in life and am quite a Spartan minus the military knowhow.My expression of anger was more
out of affection than animosity. They should have known better. We’ll get to
that too.

So yes, the voices
quickly settled on the question of the differences between being a citizen of a
Republic, or some subject in an Autocracy.And I guess technically I am both.Why then the Brooding
Persian?Because I thought the
moment someone bothered to figure out the name of the writer on the blog, the
message would become loud and clear. And then, of course, it was the chain of transmission that
would have been the give away.And
the name is in Herodotus in its Greek version.A Great section to read about missed opportunities!

And so…

The impulse to protect friends, associates and the loved
ones and the innocent from harm or undue embarrassment is important.But there are certain principals that
are equally important as well.Freedom of speech, or of association and of assembly without (excessive)
surveillance or fear—one hopes for in vain for them these days sadly.But yes.As the Greeks were fond of saying, once the winged words clear
the barrier of the teeth, no way of calling them back.You say what you must and deal with the
consequences.No deleting or re-writing
the past. We do what we must.

That’s why it is important to think before talking I guess. And
that’s why, despite my intense loathing for certain religion, I don’t bash it! There is a simple reason.In countries with authoritarian rules,
when citizens are so pummeled that they have no respect for the laws, what will
be there to temper the baser instincts if you undermine religion too
quickly.But after centuries of
creative readings, if you create the proper cultural context, I think, the
assholes will simply re-interpret.It’s the nature of the game.

But yes this is
as good a time as any to stand up for freedom of speech no matter who gets
offended. And no, thankfully, I didn’t think sensible adults working in tandem
no matter what their personal differences, would intentionally cause a pandemonium
against what I perceive to be the stated policy of their superiors. That too presupposed trust.But just in case I was wrong, pending
verification, I did cover my own ass with help I trust. Symbolic I guess. But seriously, who would want a headless
Barbie?Kind of cute though!

Yes I know, I am mumbling, but it helps to clear my head. I
haven’t written in a long time.

Do I feel like a parasite?Yes, absolutely.Am I ashamed? Yes, terribly. Do I think I would call other people a
parasite in a civilized society?No!For the simple reason that technically;
one has to learn to become one’s own most brutal detractor and be generous to
others.And sometimes, sadly, no matter what one does or how hard one
tries in life, things just don’t pan out.But there is (sometimes) always a tomorrow.When you get tangled up, you just tango on—my favorite movie
line.

But believe you me, as someone who spent the last four years
working for a pittance dealing with cockroach infested consoles and having
worked shitload of other menial jobs as well as a few good ones and after a
couple of universities, pound for pound there is more natural, brilliant talent
being wasted than getting trained.I still believe, though,
that if you try hard enough it might even out at the end. Not for poor Baxter
the horse obviously. But hey, hope
–the essential condition of humanity.

I thought when I left, given the circumstances, and the list
of the things that I could and could not do (and I guess the applications must
still be there from 10 years ago) the best course of action left to me was to
do the series of moves that I took.That in a small way was an expression of a measure of my gratitude.And I thought a display of a
(relatively) responsible lonely citizen.

I called it exactly
as I saw it.That too I learned in
Texas.And it broke my heart that
they weren’t seeing what by all account should have been clear—so clear in fact
that a lone camel jock saw it.Yes, anger was understandable. But really can’t just kill everyone or
pretend that the enemy is just simple while simultaneously a whopping
threat.Not cool.And on a personal note, that is
what society is all about, no?Not
everyone is a genius, and not everyone is a small business owner and not
everyone has it to become a world-class soldier.

I killed a bird
once with a gun years ago and both six years ago, and last year was running for
my life from their reincarnated mates out to get me.Honest.Some of
these kids will never recover.That’s why I avoid eye contact.Face of trauma!Evil
personified.So I’ve retreated
without many friends.It hasn’t
always been like this.

But we all do
what we can.And no there is no
chance in hell I could ever become an artist.The world just looks different now due to a sclerosis,
that’s all.No delusions of
grandeur here.

And yes, the Mongol quip was sort of rude. But the seal was
what it was. No shame dying a fool
either. Some even live as
fools.It can be quite liberating
at times.Beside, I liked my own
fragment attributed to Franklin a lot better that hers. But as we must know by now, it was also
a complement.

And why the movies?I got shot in the nose once and was attacked in North Africa by a sword-wielding
thug.And obviously there are all
other mental conditions that have quite a number of nerve endings going
haywire.I feel a number of
sensations in my guts somewhere between anxiety, fear, and eros. And a few other novel sensations
elsewhere. I don’t drink much. And the pills are toxic and there is
only one other kind left and I’ve got the hives to show for it.But the movies help.

Why the
particular genres?My favorite is
for obvious reason, of course.A
part is insanity I suppose.But I
think a bit of reversal is called for judging by all the other abusive stuff I
don’t have stomach for.A multi ethic cast of men should take
one for the team for the next few years in more ways than one. Call it chivalry
beyond opening a simple door if you must.Just my opinion!.Especially in a few other parts of the
world I know.And every once in a
while, I have to check to see if I haven’t switched teams.I have never been sure of much of
anything in life.

And the socks again!One part is now simply routine Persian pigheadedness.If you pathologize and generalize, and
don’t go away without actually coming in after politely knocking first, then
expect the returned favor and an additional pinkie as chaser.It is as American as apple pie.That too I learned in Texas. Well sort of. My father was a hell of soldier. There must be a file on him too somewhere. So, Live by the rules you preach.And I drove the mullahs mad too with this habit.But they left me alone.

But seriously, look, it was the same principle with two, three
posts that were intended as an appeal to decency shot in anger as politely as
possible.Anyone who has read books in
other’s traditions can do a number on them.But do we really want to live in a world with everyone at
everyone else’s throats with superficialities.I am open to all discussions about race, gender, cultural
superiority, inferiority,--any and all things but it can be done better.And I don’t have any problem being the inferior.So speak as freely as you must.

But keep an eye on China.Their texts looked very superficial but deceptively so.

And yes another part is definitely me and the associations
with getting shot.But in certain
ones, there is an unbridled passion unrivaled even by the Brazilians.The French in my opinion get the
opposite done right. Don’t get me started with the German and the Russians or
the Italians. And yes and no about the race aspect of
it!It is getting out of hand and
silly and formulaic.But the older
ones, something about them that I just don’t understand but feel. It is authentic.And again the few authentic ones in reverse are absolutely
delightful but unfortunately rare.The recent cantankerous southern belle one was a blast. More
please.People are getting too
uptight and suffocated and suffocating and the atmosphere is getting explosive.

Think of a good genre as intermediate step between no
aesthetic judgment and Art if ruffled feathers need to be set back in place.

Does anyone
really understand, though, why one gets to relax in some ways and not others?And from what I ‘ve gathered it is a
universal pastime everywhere anyways and is supposed to be a private matter in
a true Republic last I heard.This
too I learned here.And last, but no least, being lost, sick, dejected and out of
it for now are big factors.

For the record, I still don’t believe in conspiracies.If two people breath together, three
people will figure it out.But,
what do I know, I only understand simple straightforward English.

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