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You are just wasting your time with her my friend. It is a shame because you did get attached but you need to get away from her. Don't be surprised when she comes chasing after you later. She is just using you.

Wow. First thi ng some excellent and make sense replies on to your dillema. Heed them.Secondly, I reckon your the sort of guy that all girls talk about.."I want somebody sensitive, kind, listens to me etc." And when they get, they realise they that's not want they want. Why? Women's natural instinct, find the most powerful mate. Lots of us have been down that road, and don't listen to the reply about it being your looks. That ain't got anything to do with it, I reckon it's more to do with lust and animal passion. But anyway I digress. You sound like a decent guy, you may have even got the "You're perfect, too good, I really want you in my life, but as a friend" line. Hmmm... Is that having you're caking and eating or what?!?!? I think the playing hard to get and being colder rather than cold could work for you, but then do you really want a chick where you have to play away from home to keep? And getting over her?Delete everything about her from your life, messages, addresses, memories, songs etc. Really does work. I'll know that chicks get rid of every memory (except the ones of monetary value) from their last relationships straight away. They don't want any memories to impact on the new relationship, and they don't want to risk losing their new studs over some old gifts from a guy that no longer has use in their lives. They say women are creatures borne of emotion, well they certainly are masters in it, and are adept at controlling it when it suits them. Be logical fella, remove the reminders of her, get a girl to go out with (friend or sister or anybody), and then start flirting around like a whore who's 2 months behind on her rent.And forget looks, start sleeping with anything that'll take you, get your confidence back and get over her. You're not using people, everybody wants something out a relatiosnhip, when you sleep around as long as you're upfront about what you want out of it, you both can gain something from the moment.Hope this helps matey, and I hope I haven't offended anyone, but I find too many commens about how "Girls are sugar and spice and all things nice..." - Bullshit. Sounds like some sort of propaganda to me. A woman is an individual with her own wants and needs, you are an individual with your own wants and needs, saisfy your own needs and become stable before you try and satisfy somebody elses.Good luck fella!!!!Let's have a win for the boys!

Sorry to here yet another seemingly good fellow got stuck in the Friends Zone (insert twilight zone theme music here). I've been in that boat myself, almost 9 years running, a girl I thought would be the be-all and end-all of my world... Friends. It's hard when you get sucked into loving someone, but if we had full control over our emotions what would be the fun in life? Where's the spontaneity? Where's the thrill of the unexpected?

The only thing you can do is distance yourself, I don't believe love ever truly goes away, but it can change form over time. Fortunately in my case I wound up moving to another city so I'm seldom around that girl friend I cared so much for. You have a similar set-up, just don't drive out there anymore. Heal your heart by focusing on you and just trying to enjoy life, to remind yourself that there is more to life than that one person's affections... Given enough time you'll actually believe that again

I don't think you'll ever be able to truly be her friend, and it does sound like she's just using you and will never truly appreciate the things you do... On the converse you have to ask yourself: "were you just doing these things for her as someone that cares for her well-being, or were you doing this in the hopes she'd realize you're a great guy and fall for you?" If you're answer is the former, then you should have no expectations of reciprocation (aside from a heart-felt thank you) and should be able to move on easily... If it was the latter, then you were doing these things for an ulterior motive and you'll need to be explicit in the future as to why you do things for someone, just to avoid "misunderstandings" like this one.

Well good luck to you at any rate, to finish on a cliche, "Time heals all wounds".

Cusack, remember the name of this site: PLENTY OF FISH! About the "friends" deal: I've had strictly platonic male friends for most of my life, and we enriched each other's lives by learning about the other gender. It can be risky, though, as sometimes one in that situation naturally develops stronger feelings for the other, and it's not always mutual. At the same time, friendship is a very important part, step of a more serious relationship, so you gotta start somewhere, right? Maybe there's a lesson to learn from all this: You guys slept together the first night! Live and learn, Dude. If you end up in the sack with her, again, I hope you use protection and get a STD check. I mean, she's sleeping with a man who lives with his ex-wife!???! Do you know if the ex-wife is sleeping with somebody else, too? So, how many people's germs are you exposing yourself to? Also, what about your self-esteem, being in a lop-sided relationship: She's a taker, and you're a giver. Would she drive 50 miles JUST TO VISIT with you? Maybe hanging out with REAL friends would help you get over her. You have my sympathy. Like others said, maybe time and distancing yourself (not necessarily a total cut-off) might help. Best wishes to ya!

I really appreciate everyone's posts. The more and more I read all of these the better I feel. I don't know how or why I fell in love with this girl but it happened and I could write a book just on all the things I did for her and never got anything in return. I just can't see how I was so blind and even though part of me felt like I was being used all along for some crazy reason I would still do things for her or talk to her every day or so on. Even now I still want to pick up the phone and call her or something JUST to tell her that I am done even trying to be her friend but instead I'm going to just make her sit around and wonder what happened to me and why I stopped calling because I don't even see how I could be her friend anymore with all the hurt and pain she caused me. Besides, what would the point be? Even our friendship was one sided and I didn't even get anything out of that but instead would have to hear her talk about the "other guy". I think every time I would hear her talk about the "other guy" my love would die more and more till when I finally became numb to it all or something and the last few months I had become cold to her when we would talk and I had completly stopped doing things for her and was trying very hard to be JUST the friend but my problem is I'm such a compassionate type of guy I would get upset and pissed at her when I would have to listen to her talk about this "other guy" and their sex sessions on the dirt road it would piss me off to no end so of course I would tell her that this guy is just using her and then she would turn around and get pissed off at me and say no he "loves me and I love him". This girl has SERIOUS issues and even though I got really hurt and heartbroken, I have definately learned some valuable lessons out of all this. She is going to get what she has coming to her because she is in love with this guy and he has been doing this to her for about 6 months now and then goes back home to his ex-wife so if he truly loved her then he would leave his ex and be with her so maybe one day she will wake up and see just how good I treated her and realize what she lost because there is no possible way that I could ever love her or even attempt a relationship with her now. Anyways, thanks again for everyone's posts....feel free to keep em coming.

Just for the record let me give some details on this girl:She has 2 kids by two seperate guys. She was married to one of the guys for 1 year and has been divorced with no serious relationship for the last 4 years. Now this guy she is seeing, the "other guy" as previously mentioned lives with his ex-wife. I met her in October 04 had our one night stand and then we didn't talk for about a month. She and I quit talking after our one night stand of amazing sex and that was that. Well she met him the following month afer I met her in November 04 and then at the time he was NOT living with his ex-wife. Him and her dated for about 2 months and then they ended it and he went back with to living with his ex-wife. In January 05 after he went back to her, she emailed me and we started talking again and thats when I would go out of my way to spend time with her and talk to her almost every day on the phone or computer. Well in February or March she started talking to the other guy again and they started secretly meeting on the dirt roads, at this time she did tell me that "she really liked me very much and wanted to just remain friends" Well I was ok with that because at that time I did like her very much but was not in love with her but I had become attached to talking to her every day and seeing her all the time so like a fool thats what I continued to do. Sometime around April or May is when I was head over heels in love with her and couldn't stop thinking about her almost 24/7 and I finally told her that I was in love with her. My point is maybe this was all my fault because she did tell me that she wanted to be just friends and I couldn't control my feelings like she could and I was the one who fell in love with her but what drives me insane about the whole situation is here is this guy who lives with his ex-wife and yet has NEVER NEVER EVER NEVER been to her house since they met in January and yet she only sees him about once every 2 weeks when they meet on this dirt road to have sex for less than half an hour and they talk on the phone and that's it. This guy hasn't done anything since he got back with his ex-wife to show his love for her or do even 10% of what I have for her such as driving 3 hours out of my way to see her, taking her to dinner and lunch all the time and I've even picked her kids up at school on a couple of occasions. I could go on and on for the things I've done for her. I've giving her money (not much) on a few occasions to even help with bills. She has even called me her best friend she has ever had and we get along great when we are together laughing and having a wonderful time but yet she loves this other guy. I just don't understand it and really don't understand how I fell in love with this girl. Anyone care to shed light on this?

Mate, just a quick reply, but I've been in a very similar situation. I met an Australian gilr inthe Uk, I was at the top of my game. Great job, hundreds of friends calling me to spend time with them, girls wanting to date me every time I went out (which was about 4 times a week, every week). And wham! I saw two girls in a nightclub in London. One was my dream girls but she was with a guy - this I never touch. I've had girls cheat on me and I never want to be the guy that is the reason for that to happen to another guy. She was wonderful but I chatted to her and said let's not go there, she wanted my number and wanted to see me again, but I refused even though I wanted her. So I thought I'll spend some time getting to know the Australian girl who I found sexually attractive. She captivated me with her eyes, and looks and physique. Anyway, we swappedd numbers, and I left it about a month before I called her.Things developed further, we dated, I held off sex for a few weeks and then we got intimate. Well we found we wanted each other more, and are relationship developed and we noth thought we were in love. 6 months later she tells me she has to go back to Australia and that she can't live without me. Well I always wanted to move out there so I applied for a permanent move visa, which all looked good but was an 18 month wait. She couldn't deal with that and put it to me that we should get married. I was against this because I thought it would be a burder to her, I hadn't met her family and I'd be tied to her and if it didn't work out, my chances to moving to australia would be ruined etc. She insisted, so we applied, we did all the visa stuff and then I had to wait. Gave up my brilliant job, packed up my life and about 6 months later was granted the visa. We kept in touch in all this time by emial and phone, but I noticed at one point things changed, she stopped being honest and saying she loved me, her tone was colder. And then I was due to fly out on boxing day, xmas day she rang me and said that we neede talk and she didn't feel the same about me anymore. Wow! I flew out anyway, I loved her. I got to the airport and she was as cold as ice, she spent two weeks avoiding the subject, wouldn't even go to relationship counselling. Didn't want to know. I was destroyed, and all she wanted was my freindship and support in her new life. Well I spent the last 4 years in hell. I'm a naturally optimistic and happy person, but I was empty. Carried a false smile, though all the people that new me, knew I was dead inside. Things have changed in the last 8 months, because I did what I suggested to you. Empty my life of her, she's moved on, she has what she wants. Forget the blame, take the hit of pain and find yourself again. This is a very brief description of event san pain, but it's not easy, just remember that the more you try and find areason for what's happened or to try and fix the problem the more hurt you'll suffer. It's broken. Don't fix it. Get a new one. Even if you do manage to repair the relationship, the cracks are always there and may re-appear. Clear your head, get some freshness into your life. Go for jogs on the beach, get into sport if that's your thing but get active and get back to being your own person, not her friend. You don't belong to her, and don't put yourself in that position. You may have set yourself up for this fall, sometimes we do go into relationships and they're doomed from the start simply because subconciously we are seeking to give the love we never received ourselves at some point, the less you receive back the more you give to balance the the flow of emotions.Next time a girl wants to be friends, remember that and as said earlier perhaps she can help you find a partner, if she finds it difficult to do that, then she doesn't want friendship she wants your adoration and love without reciprocating it.I suppose, she's got her reasons and issues as I'm sure you and we all have, move on mate. Find the girl that wants and values you, and figure out if maybe you have to change things about yourself that may prevent this happening again.Wow! Apologies for the long and perhaps incoherant post again.Love your topic cusack and all the brilliant post on here. Respect to all the authors on here.Jaze.

I want to provide an update to this story. I don't know why because all of these great posts told me to walk away from this girl but I swear she is like a bad drug of cocaine or something and I picked up the phone and called her this afternoon. Well she acted so cold to me and barely said 2 words I asked her if she wanted me to call her anymore and she said "No that it would probably be for the best if I didn't" So being such a nice guy I told her I understood and that I hope everything works out for her and she finds what she is looking for in life and hung up.My nightmare has finally come to an end. I do wish I never fell in love with this girl and better yet never even met her or I just wish I could have kept my emotions to myself and not have fallen in love with her like I did. She is going to get what she has coming to her one day and go through all the heartache and pain like I did because I did nothing but treat her like a princess and got used and used till there is nothing left. I don't know if I will ever truly get over just how bad she used me. I think I'm scared for life.I really appreciate everyone's post and I will NEVER EVER call or speak to this girl again. Good riddance!

Cusack, bro. You shouldn't have called her. Subconsciously the power balance has shifted to her. Oh well it's done now. You're in the weaker position mentally, but you know that, I've just told you. By the way this all happens in the back of your mind, you may not consciously think that you're in a weaker position. So. DELETE EVERYTHING OF HERS. Get any remains of her out of your life, spring clean fella. And well it's natural for you to want her to get her "come uppance" but you'll get over that eventually, you don't want to really walk away from this with negative feelings, it'll just affect you negatively. Like I said, take the hit of pain, wish her well, mean it. And get your life back.I'm adding a reply to a fella that was commenting on your situation, hope you don't mind:"I feel for cusack, and I hate seeing a good fella find himself in a rut and not get any help out of it, especially when the girl that's supposed to care about him isn't being the friend she should be by helping him and is the cause of the problem.The girls are very into the "just support me with my decision and be happy for me" or "I really love you, but not in that way, can't you be happy for me and love me too" etc.We have to give up everything we care for and want (if you love someone, let them go etc) , and you know what, I wondered if I had fought for her would it have been better? No. She was the wrong girl to fight for.He needs to get his life back, whichever way he can, quickly. And move on, 'cos that's what she is doing and he can't live in the wake of her movement. Got to carve his own way."Hope it helps mate.

Jaze,I really appreciate all the great words of wisdom you have said. In fact everyone's post on here...well at least 90% of them have been great and I really know I shouldn't have called her. I know this girl did nothing but use me over and over again because this loser whom is just using her like a piece of meat hasn't done anything for her to show his love because "I" was the one who was there for her by taking her out to dinner, lunch, buying her things, talking to her, coming over all the time and I could go on and on and on and she knew this and thats why she wouldn't ever let me go because I tried to walk away at least 10 times for the past 4 or 5 months and I told her just how bad she hurt my feelings and was hurting me but yet she only wanted to keep me around as her friend just because she knew I didn't know how to just stop caring or loving her. I do regret calling her but in a way I don't because I told her on the phone "I don't love you anymore and there is no possible way that if you left this guy tommorow that I could have a relationship with you because of all the pain and heartache you caused me. I also told her you had 1000 chances to be with me but you made your choice. I then said I wish you the best and hope everything works out. Which I really wanted to tell her I hope she gets her heart ripped out like mine but I'm a better person than that. Anyways, I'm done with her and will never ever call or speak to her again. I've learned my lesson...unfortunately the hard way. Feel free to keep the posts going.

Mr.cusack...I was in the same situation 13 years ago...Just about identical...And she hurt me very very bad dude...And do you know what....It felt like it was just yesterday...Yes the hurt is still there....You would not believe the sacrifice i did for her...At this time i do not have the time to tell all the details....But as a result it has messed me up emotionly...Probably for life...It has been 13 years..And it feels like it happens to me yesterday...I think she would have been better to shoot me in my heart......I am a hard worker,good job,do not do drugs.or go to bars,buying a house,very polite...But after that incident i believe it ruined me for life in the romace department...It is a SHAME!!!!!!I pretty lost my confidence..It was pretty much flush down the toilet....It is a total disaster...I do hope the best of luck to you Mr.Cusack...As far as me..I do not know anymore!!!!!!!!!

I am really sad to hear about all of the other guys that has gone through this mess just like me. I totally feel like the last guy who posted (tarheelman) and think I am also ruined for life. I know that there are better women out there who could appreciate me and love me back but now I'm scared to even look anymore in the fear that I will go through something like this and get hurt even more and I know I couldn't take it. I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on anyone. I have been listening to this alternative band called "Breaking Point" for a few months now and they have some really great songs on there that describe exactly how I feel. One of them is called "Goobye to You". I had been wanting to make her listen to this song and then say goodbye for awhile now but I never got the chance. Here are the lyrics:

There's so much I want to say nowBut it's too late I knowThere's no way to heal these wounds nowAnd my heart bleeds for you

And our love is crashingLike a tidal waveComing over me

[CHORUS:]So I wanted you to knowThat i finally let you goAfter all i've held on toThis is my goodbye to youI was always there for youBut you never saw the truthAnd the reason that I knowIs i've finally let you go

Yesterday you were my best friendBut tomorrow took you awayThere's not much for me to say nowJust goodbye, farewell

And our love is crashingLike a tidal waveComing over me

[CHORUS]

And every time I close my eyesMy heart is bleeding deep insideBut now my eyes are openAnd i'm never gonna be the one for youThe one for you

[CHORUS]

I finally let you goLet you goLet you go so this is my goodbye to you.

You can go to www.breakingpointmusic.com to listen to clips of all the songs. I really think whomever wrote those songs has gone through this as well. Check it out.

Guys.Don't give up. Listen to the earlier posts on here. Chin up, and look forward to all the wonderful things in life. Course it's scary, hell I still fear getting emotinally involved, but you can't let that stop you. Think of all the good times you'll be missing out on if you do. There's a million songs that describe these events, for guys and girls. But you've got to learn from you're lessons, never give up, and remember to look out for the signs and protect your heart. If you don't go out and share yourselves with people then you're depriving yourselves and the world of good things, and to be honest there's too much bad in the world already, balance it out with some good. I really do think things will get easier if you just go and get yourself interacting with other girls, it'll make it easier to put her in the passt and yes you may not ever get over her, but you may find someone that will fill your life so that you don't want to think of these events.Get girls. Lots of girls in your life and be remember to not give all of yourself up, it's a balance. Take some, give some.Don't dwell on the negatives.Hell get out tonight to a party!Gatecrash if you have to.All the best!

I gave up years ago^^^^When you become a emotional basket case...Over things in your mind a 1000 times and then 1000 time again...Let alone a nervous break down...Then get back with me...Do you think i am going to risk my house,job and more very important my mental heath over another episode that i had 13 years ago...When hell freezes over...Do you think it is worth that...What do you think that most women in this country are looking for a honest man,hard working,drug free...I must say you are kidding yourself...Everyone i came in contact with they used me and then flush me down the toilet like a piece of shit....But society tell me it was my fault..I brought all this on myself in my 20s because i trust people...All i know they maybe right...But in either case i gave up..What is the since in it..

I swear Let's just be friends is the worst kick in the pants. I just means she dont want to sleep with you but she wants to keep using you for all the stuff you can do for her. If your in love with her and she aint in love with you then it aint love. love is mutual. If she dont love you but still wants to keep using you tell her to get lost. stay away from her and you'll forget eventually. need help forgetting, try some whiskey, usually makes me forget stuff. Next find you another woman who will mutually love you, and not just use you.

I met a girl from another dating site . ALL she talks about is other guys when she's with me . I don't think she is really into me . sex . ha.ha . never happen with her . even on her birthday she said she was with another guy . I'm beginning George strait was right in song " good guys don't get the girls "

i can garuntee(spellin?) u that your not the only one who has gone/going through this crap.met this girl a few years ago though a former high school friend. great gal(i thought) they got married, and things went all to crap last summer for them(man walked out on her). i kepted in touch with her and became good friends with her beginning of 2005. the connection that we had was.. well.. amazing. (both knew what eachother was thinkin without any words spoken ect.)she was going through a horrible time with life in general, had no place to stay, so i offered my home to her until she could find a place. i did this because i deeply cared(and still and always will) about her and her well being.. that connection grew closer and stronger by the day, and all the signals that i was getting from her, examp:her telling me "i feel so comfortable around you, like i can just be myself, i wish we could be together all the time"coming into my room and wakeing me up and saying"can i just lay with you for a while"now, i knew why she needed that,and there was no sex(believe me though, i was VERY tempted but was respectful of her situation)and the reasons won't be said here.others examples that i can't even put into words,EVERTHING in my gut told me that "she was the one". loved her to bitslate march/05: was at the point where i HAD to tell her what i was feeling and that i loved her knowing that it was a huge risk..know what she said after some time to think about it?in a email of all ways,"she thought i was disrespecting how she was feeling and what she was going through by telling her that i loved her"well, i tell ya, THAT'S one way of f#$king with a guys brain. can someone please explain to me how when someone tells you that they are in love with you that there being derespectful?????i asked her about all of the "signals" that i was getting from her that she wanted more then just friendship and that i thought that that is what she wanted, know what her response was? "oh, if i was hitting on you , you would know"WHAT THE HELL?i've tried to remain friends with her but from what i've learned now, IT DOES NOT WORK.she is now dating someone that she found on POF, will probably be engaged before the new year.my reason for tellin this to u and whoever else is reading this is that from what i have learned, the only way to move on is to completely close that chapter in your life, seal it and don't open it again, it's a vicious circle if you do. may your heart heal and you find what your lookin' for.my 2 pennies. take care. GB

Thank you for the advise MR.legoman2...About opening that chapter again...Unfornunetly(SPELLING)i did that...As result it turn out to be a disaster for me...That was a fatal mistake on my part..I have such a soft heart and had alot of compassion for women in my 20s...I am 39 now and i am pretty much in a dazz!!!

legoman2:Your story sounded so much like mine. This psycho chick was the exact same way with me and I would get mixed signals all the time from her by her wanting me to come over and just lay on the couch and hold each other. All the time we were finishing each other sentences and she even gave me the exact same line about "I feel so comfortable around you and "Are you coming over again tommorow?". She would tease me sexually by walking around the house in something skimpy and to where I could see her thongs but yet did I ever get sex from her??? Nooooooooooooooooo! That's what just killed me about the whole situation that she didn't even know me but for a few hours when we first met but yet we jumped into bed and had sex and a year later after me doing all kinds of things for her and pouring my heart out to her I wasn't even good enough to f**k. She screwed me alright....but not in a good way. The second I found out she was screwing the other guy is when I should have told her where she could go and got out of there but after that I was trying so hard to really be "just a friend" and shut down my feelings for her but it just wasn't possible. We would constantly fight after that because I would tell her "this guy is just using you like a piece of meat and he is having his cake and eating it to because he is screwing you and his ex-wife.

What love and feelings I had for this girl is slowly starting to fade as each day passes and the more and more posts I read on here makes me feel better and I know in my heart she is going to get what she has coming to her. As they say...what goes around, comes around. These women that just use us guys like this should be branded with a scarlett letter so that we know to stay the hell away from them!

That is what happened to me Mr.Cusack...I met the girl i am talking about through my roomate 13 years ago..He worked with her..I invited her over and we went out to eat seafood at about 5:30 on a saturday..When we came back to my place she jump my bones....All she siad that night over and over again(I CAN GET USE TO YOU)No lie she siad this about 50 times that night...So what i was suppose to think...I thought of her more than a friend...About 4 days later she was in the mental ward....She siad it was because of men in her life...Since i am very compassionate i call her everyday ..This all happened to me when i was 26.At that time did not have many sexual experiences...After we had sex i still was nice enough to get a aides test...By what i know now she should have been the one to get tested....Do you think she cared i did this or call her why she was in the mental ward....She careless....While she was in there she wrote me and told me we just be fiends,But meanwhile she is calling me just about everyday thinking it would go some where....This went off and on for 3 years...needless to say it was just a game to her.....But what i know now i should have not been so compassionate....You just cannot be nice to some people..

LAdies mand Gentlemen, I , like you, have been there, done that. Take the time ,AFTER you slam those doors that are letting the bad stuff into your life, to heal, reflect, take the time to learn to enjoy being by yourself..or rather enjoying your own company. Sounds crazy...but I did it...was most difficult, and it worked for me. I took some extra steps. I moved...found a really nice fgarmhouse in the country...still close enough that my commute wasn't bad at all, it ofered LOTS of peace, quiet, privacy. I also changed my cell phone # and residential #....I kinda became a hermit.I di meet some other women during that time...but I wasn't ready for another realtionship at all...and I told them up front ! ! I isn't easy telling a drop dead georgeous woman who is asking you out every week for 5 to 6 weeks that you aren't interested at that time. Long story made short....it was rough, lonely, sad, alone, and also healing and good.I am doing great now..in most areas...and learned a lot from that time alone.