19 Days

It has been 19 days since I last wrote. It is probably the longest dry spell since I began writing for Mr. D. It has been far too long.

My mother passed away. Amidst the grieving and planning her funeral and memorial, I lost my drive. Not just the drive to write but the drive to do much of anything. I think it was the pendulum swing from over-worked, over-focused on caring for a loved one, and pretty much an over-filled life. I dropped down a rabbit hole of ‘I don’t want to work and I don’t want to do anything.’

After her memorial, the Monday after, my need to get things done finally came back to me. I worked through my desk with a singleminded drive that was infused into my psyche. I spent a solid week and came out with a pristine desk and a real do-to list of valid projects to carry my company to Christmas. That felt amazing.

Then I took two weeks off. I’m on day three of my vacation. I have worked solidly in the same manner on home projects. I had a massive volunteer project that languished while mom was ill. I had to wrap that up and I turned it all over today. Finally, my plate is much less full.

This evening I showered and dressed for Mr. D. The only thing on my plate was serving him. It felt good, it felt like I was home after so long. We have had our time together through all this and Mr. D has been incredibly supportive. But today I feel like I can breathe and that I can return to being focused on us…on our dynamic again.