Wednesday, March 23, 2011

This year has been a tough year...spiritually....lots of wrestling with God, that has led me to a wilderness...I know how I got here...not prioritizing a daily time with God, looking at circumstances instead of Him, being too self absorbed and too busy...

but, God is merciful and so gracious to gently keep showing Himself over and over to me in ways my stubborn heart just dismisses...

But two weeks ago, I could not, I was in awe of His power, love, and grace.

We flew to PA to see Mary. An emergency trip.

She is our 10 year old niece/cousin...she is so gentle, strong, caring, nurturing, kind-hearted, determined, beautiful inside and out little girl. She is one of six in her homeschooling, dairy farm living, hard working home.

My sister noticed a lump in her tummy...after laxatives, waiting, x-rays that led to a CT...Mary has cancer. A 9x9x9, softball sized tumor, pressed against her pelvic floor, spine, diaphragm, and began to slightly distend her belly...

Phil, her daddy, took her to the cat scan. When the results came in, he called Becky and asked her to meet he and Mary at a hospital 2 hours away from home. She asked what they had found and, because Mary was with him, he didn't explain and instead asked Becky to come to the hospital. She started crying and he reminded her 'our God is not asleep'.

Indeed, He is not.

Doctors were back and forth on whether they thought this massive tumor was cancerous...until the last blood analysis. So the docs informed the family that her four hour surgery would include time to put in a port.

Heart wrenching news.

...one of the three oncologist who 'broke the news' after an hour into the surgery, with tears in his eyes, told Becky and Phil that this tumor was cancer and it was huge...he was absolutely floored by Phil's response, 'okay, what's next'? 'Okay', he said in a bewildered voice? 'Yes, okay, we trust our God, please let us know what's next.'

We flew to PA the next day.

We were so sad, our hearts were aching, but God was with us and we knew it.

An incision that went from hip to hip, pale skin, a weak voice said 'hi' as we walked in and we saw her beautiful smile. Sweet Mary. I wanted to cry, I thought I would, but God's strength was made evident in my weakness...and there were no tears, but soon, real laughter, smiles, and peace, surpassing all understanding as the docs told us it was stage 3 (3 lesions on lungs and one on the diaphragm).

After 5 days, the original prognosis changed...with very good news...great type of cancer, excision curative (so no chemo!), and just blood work every couple of months is necessary for the next year...this could change as we await a second opinion...but what doesn't change is the undeniable presence and peace of God while we spent time in some very dark days...He is faithful, in the good times and in the bad.