Friday, January 25, 2013

The Dreaded Question

Things are about to get a little heavy and personal up in here for a Friday- just a heads up. I have debated for awhile about writing about this topic and ultimately decided why not?? There might be other people in the same boat as me and we women need to be honest and stick together. So here goes.

The Dreaded question: When are you going to have more kids? Are you going to give Sterling a brother or sister? Don't you want your kids close in age? People ask me this all the time and I know I am not the only person that gets this question. Its like after you get married you get bombarded with "when are you having kids?" then after you have one kid even before they turn one people start asking "do you want more? How far apart in age do you want them? When are you going to start trying for number two? " All pretty personal questions in my opinion. Especially when you are struggling to get pregnant.

I got pregnant with Sterling fairly quickly, took us about 5 months. Standard timing I guess. I have always wanted more kids no doubt. I just didn't want them too close in age. Sterling was not the easiest baby and kept me very busy/exhausted so I figured three years apart would be perfect. He would be in a big boy bed and potty trained and then it would be the right timing for number two.

Right before Sterling turned two last year around Christmas we started trying to get pregnant. I figured if it took 5-6 months again we would be due right when he turned three. I got pregnant right away in January and I was shocked. The whole time I kept thinking there is no way this was that easy this time. No ovulation sticks, no timing or anything, just bam I was pregnant. I was ecstatic but in the back of my mind I just felt like things were too good to be true. Mothers intuition or something.

I had a scare at around 7 1/2 weeks with some bleeding. I went in and had an ultrasound and it showed a cyst had ruptured but the baby was totally fine, we were even able to see a heartbeat. My Doctor (who I love) said everything was fine and not to worry but I still didn't feel like things were, and I was right. A few days later I suffered a miscarriage- on Sterling's birthday of all days. Can you imagine trying to pull yourself together to celebrate the life of the one child you love and adore while still mourning the loss of your unborn child. It was one of the most difficult days in my life. Thank god my family was in town to celebrate Sterling's birthday because they were my life savers. My mom and sister brought over champagne and helped me pull myself together before all our friends arrived at our house for Sterling's birthday party. I still remember it like it was yesterday. I knew miscarriages were horrible but I never understood the extent of the loss you feel until I had one. My heart goes out to anyone who has had a miscarriage. I bled for a good month, it was a painful reminder everyday of what I had lost.

It was a dark time in my life. I was sad but hopeful. I figured well lets wait a month or two and get right back on it, I will surely get pregnant again quickly. I watched all my best friends get pregnant with and deliver their first and second babies while I still was "trying". I kid you not 12 of my good friends including my sister got pregnant while all this was going on. I was so happy for each and everyone of them but kept thinking when will it be my turn? and selfishly I wanted to be pregnant the same as them so our kids would be close in age. I had always envisioned my sister and I being pregnant at the same time, sharing our pregnancies and experiences, but God had other plans.

And here we are today January 2013, a year after I got pregnant and more money spent on ovulation sticks then I would like to admit, and I am still not pregnant again. We have both been to a fertility specialist and everything looks good for both of us, no issues which makes this even harder. Nothing to point the finger at to blame. We are both totally healthy just no baby. I have not resulted to fertility meds or anything, just good old fashioned trying so far. and not sure if I will result to that. I never in a million years thought it would take this long for baby number two and now I am scared I might not be able to get pregnant again. The fear runs through my head every day. I lay in bed at night and this thought consumes me. I want to be ok with one child, I do but I so want Sterling to have a sibling. I am so close with my brother and sister and loved our childhood. I want him to have that same companionship growing up.

So my journey continues. This post is not meant to make you feel sad for me, in fact please don't. I have a wonderful life and I am so lucky to have Sterling. He brings me more joy than I ever thought possible. I know there are people out there just trying to get pregnant with baby number one who have never even experienced having a child and I know that is more difficult than my situation. It's just I know how wonderful having a child is and I want to do again. It is the best thing by far I have ever done with my life.

I wanted to share this for others who have suffered a miscarriage or have fertility issues to let you know you are not alone. This happens to alot of women. I don't know why more women don't speak more openly about fertility issues and miscarriages. I feel like people keep all that bottled up and secret when those are the times you need support and encouragement the most. My friends that shared their personal struggles and losses with me helped me more than anything. So here I am letting it all out and in my heart I know this is the right thing to do. Even if this post makes one person feel better or hopeful then it was worth it.

I hope 2013 will bring us a baby (say a prayer for us), I know it is all in God's hands and I trust his master plan. But just think next time you ask someone that dreaded question you may not know what kind of struggles they are having.

Now I am off to drink some wine because its the weekend and I am not pregnant so I can still booze:) I will leave you with this quote that really helped me during my dark days.

xoxo

p.s- hope that wasn't too heavy for a Friday back to normal posting next week:)

140 comments:

Hunny bunny there is no "right" way you are supposed to live. Drown out the noise. I cannot stand people thinking there is certain timing and rights of passage. It will happen for you. Trust me. Love you darling!

Love you Natalie! This is a wonderful post and I completely agree that more women should talk about this! We had a "threatened miscarriage" but ended up being okay but girls should know about eachother's experiences so they can support one another! xoxoxoxo

I am so sorry for your pain but I will tell you I do believe in letting things go and by you talking and writing about it it will no doubt let you let go of some of the pain and when you release negative energy positive energy no doubt will come in!!

Thank you for this!!! I too have have experienced this loss before...horrible. All my siblings and family could just say baby and they were pregnant. Not me. I was the healthier one of them all too! So frustrating! It will happen, God has a great plan for you! You are not alone, if you need anything please don't hesitate to reach out! I sure wish I had someone to talk to that understood at the time (my family lives out of state). I will be praying for you my friend, thank you again for your wonderful blog. It's my escape from my crazy life to see fun things and things to do for myself, thank you!

I am so sorry to hear about your loss and your struggles. Sharing this in such a public forum is incredibly brave and open of you and I applaud you for that. Your optimistic attitude and appreciation for what you do have in your life is absolutely wonderful and I truly feel that good things will happen for your kn 2013. Until then, I'll be sending positive thoughts out in the universe for you!

Natalie, I read your blog daily but never comment. I'm so sorry for your loss. I too suffered a miscarriage before my 1st child was born. Like you I had gotten pregnant right away and then couldn't get pregnant again. As we were going through fertility testing, our dr told us to stop trying for a bit. What do you know, I got pregnant the one time we did it that whole month! My doctor said the pregnancy wouldn't last but my strong-willed little girl had other plans! I'm now the happy mom to 2 beautiful little girls, both conceived "by accident" when we weren't trying. I too think God has a plan for all of us and sometimes we just have to stop planning (so hard!!) and let Him do his work. Thanks for sharing this difficult story and I pray that someday Sterling will have a baby brother or sister.

LOVE YOU NATALIE! I know how hard this was for you to write. I don't think there is anything hopeful in a miscarriage, it's just sadness. I know from experience. I wish it was something people talked about more so we were better prepared to expect it. I think our generation is the first to be so open about it. And to be so open with our emotions publicly. I don't know what it's like to want to be pregnant for such a long time but I know so many women who do and it's heart wrenching. I pray that you can find peace and fulfillment in this day today and to let the consuming thoughts disappear. xoxox

I am so inspired by both your courage and grace in sharing this struggle! No one would know of the pain and difficulty you've experienced, as you always stay positive and keep smiling. I applaud you for helping other women know they're not alone in their journeys and educating others on what NOT to ask. 2013 is your year--I know it!! :)

I am just a blog reader...but felt like I had to comment! I have been through both of these things trying to get pregnant with my first..it took a year and a half to get pregnant, and then I miscarried at 6 weeks. Talk about a tough time! But, I got pregnant again that next month, and I now am momma to my sweet son! I will pray for y'all, and hope you get your baby very soon! Once you do, you will realize you never wanted it any other way :)

Yes, things happen when they are supposed to, but it doesn't hurt to try to help things along! It took me 2 years to get pregnant the first time and so when we started trying for the second baby I was so worried it would take that long again! So, husband decided that since there had been no physical reasons why it took so long the first time that we should "do it" every other night for a month! Kind of exhausting, yes, but guess what? We had a positive pregnancy test the next month!

Natalie,Thank you for sharing your personal struggles. There are so many women out there who need to know they're not alone.I had 3 miscarriages so I unfortunately know what you're experiencing. It was such a dark time in my life and I remember asking all those questions to myself as you mention above. I ultimately had to see a fertility specialist but now I have 2 healthy children.Stay strong, stay positive. Good things happen to good people. xo

I really hope that 2013 is your year. I had a miscarriage between Libby and Scarlett, I never expected anyone to feel sorry for me since I already had 2 kids but it still hurts.

I watched my sister go down the infertility path and it broke my heart. her and her husband ended up adopting a beautiful baby boy from korea and she is finally happy.

I don't want to say the wrong thing to you because trust me I did to my sister (not even knowing) but your time will come. If you want another child you will have one. It might be natural, it might be IVF, it might be through adoption but you will have one!!

Thanks for sharing something so personal, Natalie! When I was pregnant with Hadley it was twins, and I lost the other baby in the frst trimester. I remember feeling supported by family and friends during that time and took comfort from others who shared similar stories. I have no doubt that you will add to your family! Sterling seems like he will be a fantastic big brother! xox

Agreed that other people should be more thoughtful about their personal questions. It doesn't get better...once you have two kids you start getting, "Sooooo...going to try for number three??" And I want to shout, "None of your damn business!" I'm sure you know that stress is a huge piece of the puzzle...but how to you make yourself not stress?? It's impossible. So do what you can do to relax, focus on the joy from Sterling, and probably when you manage to not think about it every waking second, it will happen. Sorry it's been such a hard road, though. xo

I'm so, so sorry to hear you've had these struggles. You are right-- so many women go through this, and it would make it easier if we were more sympathetic to each other's situations. I will send up prayers for peace for you and your husband, and baby dust for your family. Hang in there.

I read your blog every day but rarely comment. Thank you for sharing something so personal. Do you ever watch Bill & Giuliana? Their show is so inspiring and they shared a lot of their infertility struggles in the show. Thinking positive thoughts for you and your family for 2013!! Glad that you have a great support system around you during this time. xoxo

Obviously I don't know you personally, but your blog has given me (and I'm sure many other readers) a daily spot of sunshine, and I'm so sorry to hear what you've been going through. Don't apologize for sharing "heavy" thoughts--everyone has something in their lives they find tremendously challenging, and your positivity and willingness to talk about it is pretty awesome and inspiring :)I won't pretend I know what the "right" thing is to say...only to send a big hug your way!Alissa

You are so brave Natalie to write this. And what a great job you did. I love you and our friendship so much. It is so difficult to sit back and be patient and trust in God when you want something in life. We are strong women who usually go out and get want we want. Please know we are praying for you and hope for good news in 2013. Lots of love!

I really appreciate the honesty of your post and graceful way you described what is a difficult situation. I am thankful your shared what is a common experience that many others are afraid to talk about. I only "know" you from your blog, but can tell you are a loving mama, wife, daughter, and friend. I wish nothing but the best for your on this journey.

Hi Natalie! I'm a dedicated blog reader of yours, you are my coffee! I know this post was difficult and I admire your strength to write it.So sorry y'all are going through this...I can definitely relate to your struggles and frustrations! Like you I've experienced a miscarriage(s), 3 to be exact. We were blessed after the first 2 with a gorgeous little girl, a month younger than Sterling. My 3rd one was last spring,Good Friday..of all days. I'm now 24 wks pregnant with our second little girl and thus far, fingers crossed, everything looks perfect! I'm by no means a Dr, but swear on the drug Prometrium,I took this everyday for the first 15 wks of this pregnancy. I know your anti meds but so worth it in the long run!

We're locals here in Charleston, live in DI. Would love to meet you someday...don't hesitate to reach out!

Great quote to end with. I have a few friends who have experienced similar struggles, and stressing only seems to compound the problem. Just take deep breaths and enjoy all the practice :) Everything truly does happen for a reason!

Hi Natalie! I'm a dedicated blog reader of yours, you are my coffee! I know this post was difficult and I admire your strength to write it.So sorry y'all are going through this...I can definitely relate to your struggles and frustrations! Like you I've experienced a miscarriage(s), 3 to be exact. We were blessed after the first 2 with a gorgeous little girl, a month younger than Sterling. My 3rd one was last spring,Good Friday..of all days. I'm now 24 wks pregnant with our second little girl and thus far, fingers crossed, everything looks perfect! I'm by no means a Dr, but swear on the drug Prometrium,I took this everyday for the first 15 wks of this pregnancy. I know your anti meds but so worth it in the long run!

We're locals here in Charleston, live in DI. Would love to meet you someday...don't hesitate to reach out!

I know that feeling, I'm in the same position. I just had ONE at 10weeks after more than a year trying to conceive and I'm devastated.I have a child, she'll be three in March, she's very close to Sterlings age. But like your quote says, everything happens for a reason.

I'm so sorry to hear about this. We have been trying to get pregnant for baby #1 with no success. I've been off of birth control for 10 months now so I definitely understand the frustration and all consuming thoughts. I'm just trying to take it day by day and think positive. Here's to 2013 and babies :)

Natalie--I love how raw and honest you are in this post. I personally cannot say I understand because I have never been through it but applaud you for putting your struggle out there and KNOW that women can comfort each other. My husband and I have been married for a little over two years and are constantly asked the 'when are you having baby' question, but we are just not there! I think its important, like you say, for people to realize what a sensitive subject starting a family can be. Thank you for sharing and I am thinking the BEST thoughts for you and your family in 2013!!

Thank you for sharing this! My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years and are constantly inundated with the dreaded question. I know the time isn't right for us quite yet, but it's creeping up on us. I'm constantly scared that once I think my mind is ready my body will fail me. I don't share that often with friends and it is so encouraging to see you put yourself out there! Completely admire that. My sister is struggling to conceive her 1st after 2 miscarriages. I'm sharing this with her so she knows she isn't alone. Thank you again! Prayers coming your way - this is going to be a good year - lucky 13 - I know it!

I completely understand. We started fertilty treatment in 2008 when I was 27 and I am now almost 33 and childless still. I have had 5 surgeries including one that drilled 12 holes in each ovary. After my first pregnancy I sat in the fertility clinic and cried for all of the women who may never feel the joy I felt of being pregnant... I lost my baby later that day. Since then I became pregnant twice more through interuterine insemination. I am one of the small percentage who is infertile and also has recurrent unexplained miscarriages. We have had 4 adoptions that fell though as well. We are pregnant after a IVF in November (my insurance does not pay for any of these treatments and it is stinkin expensive) and I am scared every day that this baby will die too. It is a hard road, but know you are in my prayers and people understand. As a kindergarten teacher it is so hard to work with kids whose parents could care less about them, I just want to take them home with me.

Thank you for being so open and honest. I will always feel devastated for any woman that has to go through the loss of a pregnancy/baby, and there are no words on earth that can ease the pain. You're such a beautiful girl and seem like a great momma. Your time is coming and when it does, it always makes the waiting worthwhile. I will pray for that 2013 baby!

Love you girl! This was a great post...and The Mr. and I keep getting bombarded with the when are you guys going to have a baby question and sometimes I just want to scream! So sorry you are having so much trouble the second go round but you are right, it's in Gods hand and his timing is the best. Everything happens for a reason even though we don't always understand that. We are going to start "trying" soon and I am kind of scared just because I know SO many friends who've had trouble getting pregnant! Will keep you in my prayers!! XoXo

Gah!!! Sweet Natalie, I'm all teary eyed and choked up, sitting in my gray cubicle!! It took us a good while to get pregnant with my first, but God was waiting for me to 'clean up' my lifestyle I think. Then I was so overwhelmed by babyhood, I didn't even consider a second...but was tired of driving myself crazy with 'are we or arent' we?!' So one weekend, John and I had a hotel getaway and threw caution to the wind...I literally stopped worrying and thinking about it, put it in God's hands, and had a great time. Two months later, I was shocked to find out I was pregnant again, and it was traced back to that weekend. And my kids are almost 5 years apart, which is perfect for us. I was able to enjoy baby/toddler years with each of them. wow, long comment...all this to say His timing is not ours, and He has purpose, no matter how frustrating. One day you likely will have another baby, and you'll kick yourself for wasting so much energy on it now. You only have your first child once, so soak up every second. Love you, girl...for reals. xoxo :)

This is such a hard struggle and we have been there, too (not the miscarriage, just having issues getting preggers)...it's SO difficult. It took us a year and a half to get pregnant with our first and during that time I watched *EVERYONE* including my little sister have babies. It definitely makes me appreciate my little ones more and be more sensitive to others about their children/no children situations. I'm totally petrified that we won't be able to have any more and I stay awake at night just worrying, too. You are such a fantastic mama, Sterling is one lucky little man! I sure hope it's in God's plan for you to have another one because I'm sure they would be just as beautiful (c: Sending hugs and love your way, party it up this weekend, my dear, and hold your little guy close! I'm going to do the same (c;

I thank you so much for this post! My husband and I have recently gone through the same thing. We experienced of miscarriage of baby #2 the day after Christmas. It was truly one of the worst experiences, and the bleeding was just a constant, awful reminder. I felt so lonely and isolated, because women don't talk about it and it is such a taboo subject. Like you, all my friends seemed to be getting pregnant and having uncomplicated pregnancies. And as harmless as a question of "don't you won't more kids?" Is, it cuts like a knife. I am so glad you went with this dee post. We have got to support each other as women and not grieve in silence. Praying for you and His timing!!!

Can't believe I'm the schmuck that just asked you this yesterday in a comment (i rarely ever comment either even though i read your blog daily and love it!)...I apologize, but honestly am so glad you chose to write about it and get it all out. I know a weight has to feel lifted from your shoulders in some way. I have several friends/family going through the same thing and I know they appreciate hearing others stories. The Mason's will certainly be in my prayers...you are a beautiful family.

I applaud you for sharing your thoughts on a question that most of us moms of only children face. I too watched anxiously as my friends were able to just add easily to their families, while we struggled. I share your pain with miscarriage, as I've experienced more than my fair share. For me, once I prayed that I would just accept God's will for our family, we became pregnant with our second. I don't write this to say that this will be the magic cure, but I understand now that it was always about His perfect timing and allowing myself to just let go and let God. I'll be praying for you. And thanks again for addressing this topic.

This post is so well written and I know it probably wasn't easy opening up like this. But I'm sure your words will touch the heart of someone else going through this exact same situation. You're an inspiration!

Hate to hear you've been struggling with getting pregnant. YOU, my dear, will be in my prayers! Trust in God ...he has everything all planned out.

Oh Natalie! My heart hurts for you! I will def say prayers that you are blessed with another beautiful healthy baby. You hang in there girl! Keep your faith! You know I had problems getting preggos, so if you want to message me and talk about it, I am here for you! We didn't go to a fertility doc either. Have a couple of glasses of wine this evening and relax.

Thank you for sharing your personal struggles. I have had many friends go on this similar infertility journey and it breaks my heart to know what my friends are going through. With Meredith I started bleeding at 12 weeks and have never been so scared in my life as we drove to the ER. I ended up on bedrest for 6 months (2 of those in the hospital) with complete placenta previa and bled the entire time. Everyday I just had to pray that we both made it to the end without complications. It was such a scary time but God, my family, my wonderful doctor and friends helped me pull through and everyday I look at what a little miracle she is! I am a planner so to give up that control and hand it over to God was very difficult but I knew he had a plan. Sending positive thoughts and praying for you that 2013 will be "your" year! Sterling is going to make the best big brother!!

I am so sorry for your loss and for the sadness and frustration you feel. It took us more than two years and lots of trips/money spent at the infertility clinic to get pregnant with our first child, and about one full year of trying to get pregnant with our second child. I, too, shelled out a lot of money for those darn ovulation sticks, which I don't think helped at all. While trying for our second child, a friend told me about the Clearblue Easy fertility monitor, which she had found helpful. I ordered it from amazon (a little pricey, but well with it). I was pregnant within a couple of months of using it. I think it was definitely more helpful in telling me when my most fertile days were. I don't know if you have tried this monitor, but thought I would share what I found helpful. Best of luck to you and thank you for sharing your story.

Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm going through a similar thing right now. My daughter is about to turn 3 and we've been trying to get pregnant for over 1 yr, including a miscarriage a few months back. All while everyone around me is getting pregnant, having babies, and while i'm happy for each and every one of them, it's hard to wonder why not me. We've been going to a fertility specialist since last Feb. and found out I had PCOS, and was put on clomid. We got pregnant on clomid, but then had the m/c. Next step is injectibles. Good luck to you on your journey. It's so great of you to share your story.

Natalie, Hang in there. All of us mommies know that babies are such a blessing. My thoughts are with you. My son, hubby & I pray for mommies and daddy's trying to have babies every night. It really does help to talk about it, so I hope this brings you some comfort : ) Love your blog, you acutally inspired me to start my own about my family : ) http://keepingupwiththekennesawians.blogspot.com/

Oh goodness.. I am SO sorry to hear that you are struggling with infertility. My sister went through similar issues for 2 years.. suffered 2 miscarriages and it was just awful to watch her go through that. They ended up doing IVF and she is due with their first baby in less than 2 weeks. As hard as the road was, there was a reason. One that she may not fully understand yet, but she has been such a soldier and helped many other friends through difficult times with her experience. And you are doing the same thing right now with this post. You are very strong to write about it and I know you are giving other women the courage to talk openly about their issues.

I just posted a very personal post on my blog today as well which was incredibly hard to do. It's never easy to talk about our struggles publicly, but I'm glad I did. It feels as though a weight has been lifted and it sounds like one has been lifted for you as well. I will be praying for you. Remember that God has a plan for all of us.. we just don't know it yet. Hang in there and take care.

So sorry for your loss. Thanks for opening up and sharing. I know you will get pregnant again, in the meantime just have lots of good unprotected sex!

I don't know if you eat a lot of soy products (tofu, soy milk, etc), but if you do you might want to cut those out. They have an estrogen like thing in them which can sometime interfere with your bodies natural hormone production. Once my sister cut those out she got pregnant almost immediately with her second.

I had a miscarriage on July 4,2011 which was my first pregnancy. Now I am currently 4 months pregnant. The best advice I can give is not to stress about it. And trust me I know how hard it is because we were trying to get pregnant last year, but it did not happen. Once I stopped stressing about getting pregnant it happened. My husband and I were not expecting to get pregnant or trying, but God had other plans. So in God's timing you will have another beautiful baby. I am praying for you and be blessed.

Hugs and Prayers to you from Chicago!! There is nothing I could say that these wonderful 62 other commenters didn't. I hope you have a fun weekend, and you never have to apologize for pouring your heart out in your blog. It makes you even more beautiful.

I'm soo soo sorry you have to go through this! I can't tell you how many of my friends are going through the same thing. But I've also seen the other side with so many friends in my mom's group having been through it. I would say the majority of them have been in situations like yours and now are on baby #3! You will get your baby! My sisters are 8 years and 14 years younger than me. My mom had two miscarriages in between and we are so incredibly close and because of the age difference we have like no sibling rivalry. I'll keep you in my prayers!

You're 100% right about women needing to open up an share more often about these issues! We all go through rough trials around this subject whether its trying, during, or postpartum and having a community of support it vital. I'll be thinking of you and sending you good baby making vibes! xoxoxox

I read your blog daily and enjoy all your posts, but have never commented before. This post resonated with me in every way. I had a long struggle to get pregnant, ultimately succeeding in becoming pregnant with twins (a boy and a girl) after IVF. Then, a miscarriage in the 2nd trimester due to infection in my placenta--an experience that is the most profound loss of my life. Miscarriage at any age is a loss of a child, and it is amazing what people will say that minimizes that sorrow. Even people who knew about the details of my miscarriage would ask me when we were "getting back on the horse." It does get better, and I actually use it in my job (medical) to help relate to patients, trying to make the best of a bad experience. Trust your doctors, see a good fertility doc if you need to and don't hesitate to get a second opinion if something doesn't feel right. What works for one person doesn't work for another all the time; if I had a dollar for every person who told me to relax, or eat ice cream or have a big drink, etc I could have paid for my IVF. There is a happy ending to my story, I have a beautiful baby now, but it was a major struggle to get there. Trust that you will be a parent again one way or another if that is what you want. No one can tell you what is the right or wrong way to handle grief or stress or sorrow, so do what feels genuine to you. Protect your heart if you need to (I skipped some baby showers during the toughest time for me).

Natalie! I read your blog every day and have never commented, but this post was so honest and right that I had to tell you how wonderful you are. You are so right in that women don't open up and share about their miscarriages. I had one with my very first pregnancy and the subsequent shock of being pregnant and then NOT pregnant is something I was not prepared for. (But I now have a beautiful girl, same age as Sterling!) No surprise, after it happened I didn't want to talk about it with my girlfriends, just totally wanted to shut it down and pretend it wasn't a big deal... until I was at a baby shower (of all places) and my gf's mom asked me the dreaded 'when are you having kids' question, and that didn't she hear a couple of weeks ago that I was pregnant???!! So then I had to tell everyone at the table (AWKWARD) but I found out that 7 of the 9 ladies there had ALL experienced miscarriages! It happens more often than you think and you are not alone. Hang in there! God's looking out for you and wants what's best for you.

My sister too suffered from secondary infertility. I got married and a year later got pregnant while she was still trying. When I told her I was pregnant it was seriously the hardest thing I've ever done. I cried and cried for her (and I am now as I remember this) BUT long story short....we have babies 6 weeks apart. Mine was over two weeks late and hers was one month early. Praying for you.

...and on a lighter note, went to Crate and Barrel and am the proud owner of your plates! Thanks for letting me know where to get them. I LOVE THEM...it's the little things :)

Your story is identical to mine. We had no problem conceiving my first child, I had a m/c at 8 weeks when trying for our next child, and was unsuccessful conceiving for a year after our m/c. I truly feel like I would not have a new little girl today if I had not gone to accupuncture. I did not do any fertility meds, but went to accupuncture for 3 months straight. My accupuncturist told me up front that it would take around 3 months. On the 3rd month we conceived. I continued to go until I was out of the first trimester to prevent another m/c. It was expensive, but worth it. Don't give up! I almost gave up so many times. I'm so thankful that I found it in me to keep at it and to keep trying. xo

Thank you so much for being brave enough to write this post! Reading all of the responses shows that you're definitely not alone - so many of us struggle with fertility issues. I'm in the same boat as you - have been trying to get pregnant with our first for almost 7 months now. All of my friends have already gotten pregnant and had babies in this time, and I'm happy for them but it also is so hard to watch it happen so easily for them. Praying for you and your family - it will happen on God's time, but patience is the hardest part of all!

Natalie, thank you so much for sharing such a hard, painful experience. I think it makes all of us who have been there feel so much less alone.

I got pregnant very easily with my first and like you wasn't ready to think about another one until he was around three. We had two losses over the next year and a half all while watching my 4 best friends get/stay pregnant with ease. It was the most brutal experience I ever had and brought me to my knees. I was so very happy for them but inside was so bitter for myself. You don't hear as much about second infertility but it is actually more common. The moment I was able to let go of my sadness and be able to accept and be okay with the possibility of having only one child several days later we got an amazing unexpected phone call and were able to adopt a newborn little girl. My experiences with loss have made me such a more appreciative, grateful parent. I know now that had I not gone through them I wouldn't look at both my children with wonder and awe the way I do now.

My point is don't lose hope and keep talking about your experience. It's so much more healthy to be open with your emotions. I'll be praying for your miracle!

Amen and thank you for this post!!! I read your blog daily, and always love your posts! It took my husband and I 2 years to get pregnant. Our first pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage and it was devastating. We now have a healthy baby boy (praise the Lord!), but getting there was rough.

Thank you for sharing your story. Hearing other women talk about these issues has been so vital for me.

Hey Natalie!! I live in charleston too and LOVE your blog but have never commented. thank you so much for posting this, I went through a miscarraige last week and have been a hot ass mess trying to figure myself back out ever since. I have googled and googled looking for a story to relate to but I guess because I read your blog everyday this just seemed more "me". I have a 4 year old little girl who is the light of my life and i feel like it shouldnt be this hard when so many people are trying for just one. Who knows. Anyway, you're awesome for sharing this. It's exactly what I needed to read before I drowned my self pity in another 3 pm glass of wine haha but I guess since its Friday I will have one anyways :)

You are so sweet to share this. I had a miscarriage too (it was my 1st pregnancy...I later went on to have 2 healthy kids). Nothing makes you feel more alone than a miscarriage. It helped me tremendously to know it happened to so many other women, and to be able to talk to them about it. It helped me stop wondering what I might have done wrong, and realize, there is nothing I could've done differently...it's just something that happens sometimes.

Many prayers for you lady. It certainly is brave for you to post this and no doubt there are many women reading who can relate and who find hope and comfort in your struggle just knowing they are not alone. His plan is way better than we can ever imagine or understand.....and hoping and praying for you in 2013 that you will see babies in your near future. :)

Hi Natalie - You've tempted a stalker out from hiding :) I'm so sorry for your loss and my heart goes out to you as you continue to wait on the Lord's timing for your family. I don't know that everything happens for a reason, but He does promise that he can work ANYTHING together for GOOD. I hope others are encouraged as you share a very personal struggle with them!

Oh so sorry to hear about your miscarriage! I have been there myself. One in 2011 here's the link http://adoseofpretty.blogspot.com/2011/01/ella-sofias-room.htmlI tried to skim through it in the blog. But you have written it beautifully. Mine was what they call a blighted ovum. 6 months later I got pregnant and then came my little girl. I wish you the best! And keep trying without stressing about it. I know this is easier said than done. I will be praying for you and I hope this year God brings you another baby. Stay strong and positive Natalie!

I don't remember how I found your blog, but I read it every day. I am sorry for your loss. I wanted to recommend a book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility. Loads of information that might be helpful to you. Many thoughts and prayers are with you.

i applaud you for being open and able to talk about this!! that takes a lot of guts and i bet your heartfelt post will help a lot of women who have gone through the same thing...prayers coming your way for another baby in yalls future! OXOX

Thank you for sharing! That must have been difficult but it is SO helpful to other women. My husband and I just started trying for a baby and I'm terrified that we'll have issues (no reason behind it, just a fear.) So thank you again for sharing and my prayers are with you and your family for a baby this year! p.s. Love your blog! I'm over at www.barefootinboston.com

It means so much to me when I come across a blog post this honest and open! My mom miscarried several times before having me and even though I'm not yet married, not being able to have kids (down the road) is my greatest fear- something I've thought about since high school. I know it's a tough time, but keep your head high. That quote is so true...I'm always so shocked when things fall into place unexpectedly!

I am so sorry to learn that you are having fertility issues. I have been in your position and it just sucks. I will say that going through what my husband and I went through has made us very strong as a couple. (Married about 15 years now, about half of those spent dealing with fertility.) Also, there is not a day that goes by that I take my children for granted. We worked so hard to have them and this family that I think we appreciate all of it on a much deeper level. So many women go through this so know you are in good company. I hope everything turns out just how you want it to be. I will say a prayer for you and wish you all the best.

I'm so sorry you had to experience that loss and am glad that you have such a loving supporting family to get you through such a tough and happy day... I call those "brutiful" days (please check out the gals at www.momastery.com for more on how life is brutiful).

I'm sending you lots of love and prayers for a healthy, happy growing family. Keep the faith and know that God has amazing things in store for you as a Mother.

Hi Natalie, I have not commented to you before, but felt so compelled after today's post. You are so brave! I know it took a lot to put your personal life and experiences out for the whole wide world to read about today. I agree whole-heartedly that people should be more careful with their words in regards to family planning. I have twins and could go on and on forever about all of the crazy things people say or have said to me in regards to fertility, pregnancy, etc. I am so guarded with what I share, but am working on being more open in the hopes of helping others. Your post is inspiring! Your faith and family seem to be an important part of your life. These were critical components for me in my struggles to conceive. Take care!

Thank you for sharing. One of my good friends, Katharine, sent this to me this am. I too went through what you have. We are still trying for our first. It's hard for people to truly understand when they have not been through it. At fist I had anger bc I have been so healthy my whole life, exercised, and not drank much. Then I tried to rationalize with "well, 3 of my friends had babies on the first try, so lucky me, I got to be the statistic with a miscarriage. Now I am in a new place and focused back on God where I should have been the whole time. One day we will see his perfect plain and I can tell you one thing "It will be perfect" and I cannot wait for that day. Thanks for posting!!!

Oh, Natalie. I had a feeling this post was coming. After a few prior references to "recent struggles" in some of your recent blog posts, I just had a feeling that you had suffered a miscarriage. I, too, suffered one at about the same time in my pregnancy as you suffered yours. Although it was my my first pregnancy. About 4-5 months later I got pregnant with my now 12 year old son and 14 mos. after he was born I got pregnant again (oops!) with my daughter, Madison who is now 10. I didn't intend to have kids so close together, but God had other plans. Fast forward 6 years later, when I was 35, I got a raging case of baby fever (although I had always said that I only wanted 2 children) and decided to try one more time. Got pregnant on the very first try. He is now 4 1/2 and I still can't believe how easily I conceived him ESP being a little bit older. God has a plan for you, Natalie. Everything in HIS time. I know the pain and loss you are feeling. It's something I will never forget...even though its been almost 14 years ago for me! (I'm 40 now). I have already said a prayer for you & know that you WILL get your 2nd child. All the best to you...I enjoy your blog so much & look forward to reading it every day.

Wonderful post and I'm sorry for your loss on your son's birthday no less. I do want to mention one thing, ACCUPUNCTURE!! I remember you posted you tried it. For me I had an early m/c before my first (devastating even when super early) and then I was having trouble so I went to an accupuncturist who my OBGYN referred me to. She was very $$$ but told me "we make many babies here" so I tried it. Literally after my first full cycle going to her 2x a week, I conceived and then had zero trouble with #2. I really think she helped correct something for me. I would continue at least a full cycle if you can. Best wishes and prayers for #2 in 2013!!!

I can't believe what timing you have with this post. I will be turning the ripe old age of 40 in just a few more months and we are still trying for #2. Our one turned 2 in November and we want so much for him to have a sibling. Already I've had one miscarriage since we've been trying. And everyday, like you, I wonder when it will be my turn as I watch three kids get ready to have their 2nd. Here's to good, positive baby-making vibes for the both of us. xoxo

Natalie, Great post!! I've been there, done that and it is hard!!! I now have 3 beautiful children and they were worth all the pain and worry. Hang in there and know that I am prayaing for you!! xoSissy

So sorry to hear this, Natalie. I've discovered your blog lately and have enjoyed it so much. I agree with you that this is all pretty private - I never ask anyone if they're "done" or having more babies, etc. - but I applaud you for opening up about your hardship. My best friend had an ectopic pregnancy that resulted in a burst fallopian tube and it was so sad. She went on to have 3 children, though - on one tube. That tube was a trouper, I always think :). It will happen for you, I'm sure of it. Sending you luck and prayers.

Natalie, I read your blog everyday (it's one of my faves!), but I don't think I've ever commented. I'm so happy you shared this post today. I, too, went through a miscarriage when we were first trying to get pregnant. At the time I was so heart-broken and felt so alone because I thought no one close to me had gone through it. I'm such an over-sharer that I just couldn't keep my pain to myself, and lo and behold, so many people I thought had never gone thru it shared their similar stories with me. I was amazed. For some reason we hate to talk about miscarriage when it's a reality for so many of us women. I can only imagine how many of your readers you've helped by sharing your story! You're such an endearing & sweet person, and to know that you struggle too has to be a comfort for so many women.

I will pray for you that you will have peace with whatever God's plan may be. I know how hard that peace is, I say the same prayer for myself everyday, but our blessing is we both have beautiful babies we get to love & squeeze everyday!! Much love to you my virtual friend! xo

Thank you for posting this. I've read your blog every day for the past year and you are one of the most upbeat, positive bloggers out there. Its so nice to read such an honest post because we all have things we struggle with and want things we don't have. Keep your head up. You have a beautiful life...one I wish was mine daily!

Thanks so much for sharing your story with us! Look at how many more prayer warriors you've got fighting for you, now! ;) giving all your want of controlling your life to Him is so challenging, but it'll take a load off your back, that's for sure! Praying for you! It'll happen in His time!

Thanks for sharing. Your blog is the first thing I read each day at work. I have known since I was 19 that I had pcos. Fast forward 15 years later and I'm taking my first trigger shot Sunday (I'm trying to convince my husband to give the shot to me!) with iui on Tuesday. I was an "older bride" and just married last year and all of my friends are on baby 2 and 3. It's hard to know from the get go that this will be a struggle for us. But I have to trust in Him. Thank you for being honest. I needed to hear your story and all these other incredible women's stories tonight. Prayers your way.

I am very happy to read your articles it’s very useful for me, and I am completely satisfied with your website. All comments and articles are very useful and very good. Your blog is very attention-grabbing. I am loving all of the in turn you are sharing with each one!… http://www.easyfit.in

Thank you for sharing. I don't know why women so often don't talk about their struggles. It took us a year and a half to conceive our little man. That was the longest year and a half of life. I did end up taking medication and it worked the second month. Now our little man is 19 months, the question of when we are having another comes almost weekly. It's scary to think about. I had a very rough pregnancy and it took so long to conceive, I am scared to death to start trying for another.

I am praying for you. Maybe fertility dust is like pixie dust...here's some coming your way!

Wow, I was out of town yesterday and had an overwhelming urge to read your blog this morning. Now I know why. I'm so glad you shared and I'm so sorry for your loss, sadness, and struggles. I get that question all the time and hate it too. I'm very honest when someone asks when we're having another. I say, well we're not. Would I like to? Of course. Is it the in the cards I was dealt? No. My husband already has 2 and doesn't want 4 kids, especially at his age. He would like to be able to retire one day. I usually get a look of shock or pity. I don't care because it's really no one else's business but your own. I'm here if you ever want to talk. I know how hard it is to watch all of your friends and family keep having sweet precious babies and building their families. I know that will never be me. I hope it will happen for you...soon!

Hi Natalie,Struggling with infertility is horrible. It is kind of like you have to live your life in two weeks increments....waiting to ovuate and then waiting to see if it worked. It is very hard on a marriage, sex life, etc. Hang in there. I too struggled and then ended up having twins at 37 and a third at 40 with the help of fertility. You might also look into accupuncture. it is a "forced" relaxation and can help with fertility.

Natalie: I am so sorry for your loss. I have unexplained infertility and have suffered two miscarriages, most recently right before Christmas. It is such an awful thing to go through, but I know God has a plan for me. I am seeing a fertility specialist, and he is great...gives me lots of hope. My only advice is that you can be your only advocate and will know what is right for you. From what I have read on your blog, I know you don't like to take drugs...have you considered acupuncture? I did it and love it! Anyway, thank you for opening up, and I'll keep you in my prayers!

Hi beautiful Natalie. Well, like all the other 112 comments preceding mine, I too have suffered 2 miscarriages. One at 13 weeks, one at 9 weeks. Gut-wrenching, draining, exhausting, tearful events in my woman-hood. Remy turned 3 in September last year, so believe me, I get those comments ALL THE TIME! In saying that, my husband and I have almost made peace with the idea of the 3 of us remaining that way - a solid threesome! What's wrong with only 1 child? Not much at all, except that people aren't used to seeing it! There are lots of wonderful positives to an only child, if you look past societal expectations. SURRENDER is a great word to remember. Difficult, I know. I still go in waves between desperately wanting another and being perfectly content with our beautiful Remy. We have SO much time together as a family; we have SO much sleep; We don't have rush or stress like larger families experience, naturally. So I savour the peace that a small family brings and will let God take the wheel for the remainder of our family journey:)

Hi beautiful Natalie. Well, like all the other 112 comments preceding mine, I too have suffered 2 miscarriages. One at 13 weeks, one at 9 weeks. Gut-wrenching, draining, exhausting, tearful events in my woman-hood. Remy turned 3 in September last year, so believe me, I get those comments ALL THE TIME! In saying that, my husband and I have almost made peace with the idea of the 3 of us remaining that way - a solid threesome! What's wrong with only 1 child? Not much at all, except that people aren't used to seeing it! There are lots of wonderful positives to an only child, if you look past societal expectations. SURRENDER is a great word to remember. Difficult, I know. I still go in waves between desperately wanting another and being perfectly content with our beautiful Remy. We have SO much time together as a family; we have SO much sleep; We don't have rush or stress like larger families experience, naturally. So I savour the peace that a small family brings and will let God take the wheel for the remainder of our family journey:)

Thank you so much for sharing your journey- I'm so sorry for your loss. I am pregnant with my first and it happened relatively easy for us but the hardest part is that 3 of my best friends are suffering from infertility problems and it just makes my heart break so much for them. I wish I had the right words to say but I know that I don't. It blows my mind how many women have a hard time getting pregnant these days- my mom swears it was never like that when she was trying. Fingers crossed that 2013 is your year!

Hi, I'm a new reader, and I know how hard it is to be honest and write about this, I recently had a miscarriage of my own and finally had the courage to talk abouton my blog. I never realized it would be this hard! Keep your head up and keep thinking positive, God is wonderful and has a plan.

You just spoke directly to my heart. It took us just over a year with the first. We started trying last spring when our little guy was about 16 months (I was okay with 2ish years apart and worried it would take a long time too). We got pregnant right away, but like you I didn't get super excited. At my first appointment there were some concerns, but we heard a heart beat so remained somewhat positive. About 10 days later an u/s revealed no heartbeat and I has a DnC. That was in July and here we are still trying. I can't tell you how many people have said "I got pregnant right away after my miscarriage" and how much that hurts. I have a blog that I haven't written on in about 6 months. I need to get back to it because I miss the support and friendship I was getting from it, not to mention documenting little guy's life. All this to say.....many hugs to you. I'm there too. Prayers that we both see His plan and that it includes another bundle of joy!

Natalie, thank you for sharing. This topic is so hard to discuss I am sure, but you are not alone. I love reading your blog b/c it is so fun and creative and honest. Hang in there. We (your blogger community) will be that much happier for you when you have the news to share with us. And you will :-)

Thanks so much for your post! I too have been through the fertility struggle. I saw a specialist to get pregnant with my first and now i'm back trying to get pregnant with my second and getting ready to start meds. Its really difficult to go through. Its comforting to hear your story and know i'm not alone. I will be praying that you are blessed with a baby in 2013! oh and- check out early-pregnancy-tests.com - great prices on OPKs and HPTs with really fast and free shipping!

I just stumbled on your blog today. My heart goes out to you as I too have had a miscarriage. I'm so sorry. And what a horrible, horrible day for you to have it happen. I will pray you get pregnant in 2013. Thanks for sharing your feelings. All too often we keep our fertility struggles under lock and key.

Dear Natalie. I read your blog after stumbling across it and thought id share my story with you. I'm a mum of a beautiful 12 year old daughter. I feel sad when I say she's 12 because I fully expected to have more children by now. Sadly it wasn't to be. I had to go through a painful divorce for starters and then finally picking up the pieces and starting again and actually finding happiness I thought maybe child number two would be possible. However this hope was cruelly taken away two years ago when it was found I had an ovarian cyst the size of a grapefruit. Immediate surgery was scheduled and I was advised to have a total abdominal hysterectomy as the doctors didn't know if it was cancerous. Luckily it wasn't. My chances of becoming a mother were snatched away in an instance. I'm still coming to terms with this slowly and I'm sure I will one day accept it. I'm sure you like I am are grateful for what you already have. My advice is please dont beat yourself up about it, try and relax and until it happens just cherish what you have

I am so sorry for your loss and your continued struggle to get pregnant. I really admire you for posting this.

We tried for over a year before I finally got pregnant and it was the most frustrating year of my life. Why is it, when you're trying, everyone else suddenly gets pregnant? It took a lot of faith in God's plan for us and a PCOS diagnosis to get me through that rough year. It's so hard to trust in Him when you're so used to planning every aspect of your life, but I just tried to believe that He would give us a child when He felt the time is right. But that doesn't mean it's easy. But it does help to know you're not alone so thank you for sharing. You will be in my prayers and I hope your wait ends soon.

I went through the very same thing, although with my very first pregnancy. I lost the baby at 8 weeks and then it was almost a year until I was preg again. went to the fertility clinic for tests. Surprisingly, the fertility doc was the one that said "you have a lot of wonderful things in your life." He really gave me some perspective. I went away feeling very peaceful. Never did make it to the next appt, because we got pregnant!! I understand the sorrow, and unfortunately I also had jealously towards others getting preg! Hang in there, you are not alone.

p.s. I am a fellow Charleston (James Island) girl. I enjoy reading your blog and recognizing the places you are talking about!

Thanks for your courage and honesty! I've been there and even 3 years and one beautiful 2 year old blessing of a daughter later, hearing the stories of others who've felt a similar pain always seems to touch my heart. This quote always helped and I send it along to you with the hopes it will do the same for you! "When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. Concentrate on this sentence... 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'"

Hi Natalie! I was visiting your blog to tweet you a recipe and stumbled across this post. I'm so sorry for your loss. I've also experienced miscarriage (twice) and I know how devastating it can be. Know that you are not alone and God has a plan for you. Looking back on my own life, I see now that His timing was just right. (Now I'm sending you the recipe :)

I feel for you and know what you feel. I had a miscarriage with my 1st, got pregnant w/in 3 months after that. Once my boy was almost 2, we decided to try again. It took 9 months of ovulation kits and going nuts!!! I finally tried a very low dose of Clomid and w/in 2 months, I was pregnant and due in May with another boy. I'm praying things will work out great for you soon!!!

It took me almost 2 years to get pregnant with my first - I so know what that waiting feels like. I had almost given up and then found out I was pregnant. Thanks for sharing - it's not easy but it does help to know you're not alone.

Try not to stress about it! It took me a lot longer to get pregnant the second time (my kids are three years apart). I was also wondering what was wrong and why wasn't I getting pregnant. My doctor said there was nothing wrong and to go have a martini and it will happen!

What bravery it must have taken you to write this! I have to believe that God has a perfect plan. As someone who is single and wants to be in a relationship/married I dread the "are you dating anyone?" or "when are you going to date someone?" questions. If it were up to me, it would be different! 2013 will be a great year - just have faith.

I read this passage quite often, so thought I would share:Hebrews 10:36Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.

It is so comforting to know that there are other women out there who I admire and respect that have gone through a miscarriage also. Mine happened on New Years Eve just a month and a half ago and I never felt so alone. Our experiences are very similar, the second we tried to get pregnant we did. No sticks, no shots, no calendars, just no birth control method. It seemed too good to be true. I had the same feeling the WHOLE time as you. I was 12 weeks, but the baby had stopped growing at 7.5 and I had no idea. We are healing and I am living healthier than ever now and hopeful. I marvel everyday from work at your beautiful family and had no idea you had struggles. I am so happy everything turned out well for you, and hoping the same for us!

It is so comforting to know that there are other women out there who I admire and respect that have gone through a miscarriage also. Mine happened on New Years Eve just a month and a half ago and I never felt so alone. Our experiences are very similar, the second we tried to get pregnant we did. No sticks, no shots, no calendars, just no birth control method. It seemed too good to be true. I had the same feeling the WHOLE time as you. I was 12 weeks, but the baby had stopped growing at 7.5 and I had no idea. We are healing and I am living healthier than ever now and hopeful. I marvel everyday from work at your beautiful family and had no idea you had struggles. I am so happy everything turned out well for you, and hoping the same for us!

It is so comforting to know that there are other women out there who I admire and respect that have gone through a miscarriage also. Mine happened on New Years Eve just a month and a half ago and I've never felt so alone. Our experiences are very similar, the second we tried to get pregnant we did. No sticks, no shots, no calendars, just no birth control method. It seemed too good to be true. I had the same feeling the WHOLE time as you. I was 12 weeks, but the baby had stopped growing at 7.5 and I had no idea. We are healing and I am living healthier than ever now and hopeful. I marvel everyday from work at your beautiful family and had no idea you had struggles. I am so happy everything turned out well for you, and hoping the same for us!

This post meant so much to me today... especially seeing photos of your beautiful little girl in the sidebar as I read about your experience and your struggle. I'm still in the middle of mine, and I pray that my ending will be much like yours. Thanks for the hope! M.

Natalie - I just came across this and wanted to sincerely THANK YOU. I am in a very similar situation (got pregnant right away with first child... wanted to wait 3 years apart... got pregnant quickly again and then - BAM - ectopic pregnancy/miscarriage). Someone asks me probably every few weeks when we are going to have our second baby and I've yet to come up with a good response. That question hurts me so much, even though I know the asker has good intentions. I never thought I would have a miscarriage (although does anyone really?) and it has been so painful as I watch those around me get pregnant easily. I just wanted to read your story again because I know how things worked out for you in the end... and I need that hope right now.

Rick Dean Photography

Open Door Shop

NET-A-PORTER

LULU AND GEORGIA

Disclaimer

In addition to sponsored posts, Designer Bags and Dirty Diapers posts contain clickable affiliate links. Meaning that if you make a purchase from one of these links, DBDD receives a commission on the sale of the product. All of the content I share on DBDD are pieces I own or truly love and would like to buy for myself. I also love sharing about the latests sale and great finds. I hope you and enjoy and thanks for being a reader of DBDD!!