(Closed) So devastated and don't know what to do.

Ok, so I shall begin by saying I don’t know anything when it comes to rings or even jewelry. We are having my ring designed and custom made. I received a ring from my grandmother when she passed away and it full of diamonds. Its really old and super fragile so there is no possible way to wear it the way it is. So that said, we went to the jewelers last night to get some ideas and see what could be done with my ring. We picked out the setting, the main stone which will be a saphire, and we also decided how we will incorporate the loose diamonds from my grandmothrs ring. When we started looking at how much it would cost, I was almost in tears. Now I understand that jewelry is expensive and having this custom made just for me will make it pricey too, but there is just no way we can afford that. I just feel sick to my stomach about it. I don’t want my SO to spend a lot of money. We are in the process of buying a house and with me in school, it is hard financially. After we got home last night I just started crying and told him that I didn’t even want a ring anymore.

Please don’t read this wrong. I am not crying because we can’t afford my dream ring. I am upset because I don’t want to wear a ring that I am going to feel guilty about every day of my life. I just know that the money could be spent elsewhere and knowing how much I spent on my SO’s ring just makes it worse. We ordered his off amazon and only paid $39 for a $489 ring. He said it was exactly what he wanted and insisted. i feel really sick to my stomach and just could use some advice on what to do about the ring. Like I said I dont know jewelry and after reading some of the bees posts, you guys sound like experts so I was hoping maybe you had some ideas.

I totally get being in a financial bind. However, I think it’s super sweet that you’re using your grandmother’s diamonds and that you and your FI are custom making a ring just for you. It’s going to be something that sits on your hand for the rest of your life. Everytime you look at it, you’ll be reminded of how he proposed to you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you, etc.

Now, if currently you’re in a financial bind, I don’t see the issue in saving up for it and doing it at a later time, but starting the planning process. If people make comments about you not having a ring, you can tell them it’s being made. Which is true – it will be made as soon as you have the money for it!

I can’t imagine that a ring would be “that” expensive if you’re supplying all the stones. Are you buying the sapphire? Perhaps you can shop around for a cheaper center stone?

Or, maybe he can use your grandmother’s ring to propose and you can keep it in a safe spot until you can get the ring of your dreams. Is it so fragile that you can’t even wear it on a chain?

Don’t worry – there is a solution here somewhere and it will be found!

If you’re not comfortable spending that kind of money for a ring, then don’t do it, simple as that. Society may tell you that you need to put a lot of money into an engagement ring or wedding band (it’s actually Mervis and DeBeers telling you that) but that doesn’t mean you have to do it. I’d keep Grandma’s ring somewhere safe for now, and pick a ring more in my price range. Then I would just see how things turn out over time. Some women develop a really close bond with their first ring, so the more simple ring may, over time, become exactly what you want it to be. You’ll love it so much that you won’t want to part with it. Other couples decide over time that what the ring symbolizes justifies a bigger expense. Time will tell.

You may want to open a new savings account and put a little money each month into it; in 5 years, you can use it to upgrade your ring if you want, and if you’re happy with the more budget-friendly ring, you can find plenty of good uses for what money you’ve saved up.

I would do some shopping around. When my FI and I were looking at engagement rings, we were quoted around 8.5k for my ring. We got basically the same thing (and what I think is actually better quality!) for about 3.5k. Prices in brick and mortar stores are hugely inflated, in part because they have to pay a lot more overhead costs than an online company does.

Start an account on pricescope.com. The posters on that forum know everything about jewelry — they’ll be able to point you in the right direction.

The ring that we created was going to cost upwards of $10,000. For us, that is a down payment on our home. As for him proposing, long story short, we are already engaged. I kind of asked him. we are having a courthouse ceremony, just the two of us in December and we want our ring done by then.

I totally agree with you that society makes you feel less than others if your ring isn’t some huge rock. But for myself, I just dont want the guilt of knowing that my ring could have been spent elsewhere, on something that we need to spend it on. I guess I am just not a frivilous person. I don’t impulse shop and this is a big commitment for me. I love the ideas you have ladies. They are really reassuring.

First… the jewelry is not what’s important. There’s no ring police, and you don’t have to make any decisions about this right now or commit to anything you can’t afford. Put this aside until you’re calm.

When you’re ready to deal with it, a couple thoughts come to mind.

You could redesign the ring so that it would be less expensive. The first thing I’d look at would be the sapphire. Since you already have some diamonds to work with could you skip it, or otherwise looking for a less expensive one, or else use a placeholder stone like a blue CZ?

Can you talk to other jewelers and compare estimates? Maybe instead of approaching it as “this is what I want, how much does it cost?” you could go in with a budget and say, “this is how much money I have, what can I get?” Don’t restrict yourself to local places; there are a lot of people that do very reasonable custom work on Etsy.

What metal are you using? Are there less expensive options you’d be happy with?

awww hun, taje some dep beaths and relax. You don’t need to do the cutom deisgn right now. It is really that simple. Keep that ring from your Grandma in a safe place, and wait a few years. Can you afford the sapphire you wanted right now? If so, get the sapphire so you have the forever stone, and get a simple stock setting solitiare. Gemstones in solitaires look beautiful in my opinion. Later on, you can reset the sapphire and the diamonds. And, if it is custom, they can reuse the same gold/plat whatever, so it is the same metal touching your finger. 🙂 A stock setting should be just a few hundred dollars. 😉

My fiance and I just went through a similar situation… we just can’t afford the wedding bands we want right now ($1200+ each for custom plain metal bands with some engraving detail, but no stones). So we have decided to get less expensive bands for now and will in the future get the bands we really want.

thanks girls. I like the idea of telling them what my budget is, problem is when I asked my fiance yesterday on the way there, he said “let’s just take a look first.” So i dont know what our budget is, but i know that $10,000 is way far over budget.

i will have to talk to him somemore and maybe get an idea of where our budget is and then apporach it like that.

It can be shocking and overwhelming when you realize you might not be able to afford something that is so important to you. Had that experience many times over the past few months!

However, it is extremely smart and important to not get yourselves into debt or financial trouble just because it’s “the norm” to spend a ton of money or have some big, flashy ring.

If I were you, I would shop around A LOT (internet and in store) and see what you can find that is your style and you can afford. You can always buy another ring in the future, once you are more financially secure.

As far as your grandmother’s ring goes, put it aside somewhere safe and again, once your finances are more stable, then see if having some work done with it is possible.

If you want to incorporate her ring on your wedding day, think about putting it on a ribbon and tying it around your bouqet or something.

Just remember that while some people will insist that having a $5000 ring is important, what really matters is that you and your fiance love each other, and are ready to make a committment.

Not everyone has unlimited funds when they get married (myself included) so sacrifices have to be made and sometimes it’s disappointing. But again, once you focus on the non-material things that are important, you will feel better about the whole situation and when the wedding finally comes, you probably won’t even care if you have a twist tie on your finger!

And making wise financial decisions now means that you will be able to afford the big, fancy stuff in the future when everyone else is drowning in debt!

@Stace126: Thanks! I am starting to wonder if the idea of having a custom ring is just not possible now. Perhaps I could just shop for a ring already made and later have the ring made into earring or a neclace of some sort. I just loved the idea of having my grandma and grandpa on my finger forever. I know that probably sounds silly but they were the only true love inspiration I had to look up to growing up. They were together almost 60 years and til their dyeing day, were the real picture of true love.

The other thing is, if you’re looking for an e-ring right now, you could get something very simple, like a sapphire solitaire and then use your grandmother’s diamonds (assuming they are small) in a channel set wedding band. (I don’t know about other people, but to me the e-ring doesn’t matter at all, I feel like the wedding band is the important ring.)