HIV Is My Reality

By Robert Breining

March 10, 2010

Something you may not know about me is that I am a reality show junkie. I watch all kinds of shows, from Survivor and Hell's Kitchen to Solitary. I find watching everyday people put into stressful situations makes for great television.

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I think the first show I was hooked on was MTV's Real World. Real World was one of the first reality shows. Total strangers agree to live in a house in a specific city all while being filmed. They of course find people from all different walks of life and with different views. It is pure genius. The San Francisco season was the one season that hit home with me. When I first saw Pedro Zamora, I felt an instant connection. He was the first person on television that I could relate to as a gay male. He was open and honest about who he was from the beginning. I remember seeing him and having an overwhelming desire for his bravery. I was just a freshman in high school when the show premiered in June of 1994. I had been wanting to "come out of the closet" so to speak for a long time, but I was still young and wasn't ready. Pedro opened my eyes and made me realize that who I am is who I am and I needed to accept it in order to move forward and live a productive life.

Pedro was also HIV positive and broke barriers against HIV/AIDS stigma by talking about it openly and honestly on national television. He put a face to the disease, which in return made it more relatable to those watching. If you didn't know someone who was gay or HIV positive, you did now.

Pedro allowed me to accept who I was as a gay male and move forward with it. By the time I graduated high school, I was ready to come out and admit I was gay. So I did. Seeing his relationship and then marriage to Sean Sasser let me see that one day I could find true love as a gay man. I applaud them both for leading the way and opening the eyes of people across the globe. They are both heroes in my book.

Robert and Jack Mackenroth.

In 2007, the next reality show that hit home for me was Project Runway. Project Runway takes 16 talented designers who try to make the cut to present their collections at Fashion Week. During season 4 the world was introduced to Jack Mackenroth [you can also read Jack's This Positive Life interview on TheBody.com]. I wanted to talk about what it was like for me to see Jack on television. When season 4 aired in November of 2007 I had been living with HIV for about 6 years already. It was about the same time I came to the conclusion I was going to start a blog and share my story about living with HIV/AIDS. I remember Jack coming on television and saying he was HIV positive. It instantly sent me right back to the day I first saw Pedro Zamora. But this time it was different -- I could also relate to his HIV status. I found Jack even more relatable since he was also an athlete like me. I remember saying to myself: "Wow this guy is so brave and has the confidence I was looking to find within myself."

I took Jack's appearance on Project Runway as a sign for me to continue in the way of activism. It was only a month later that I launched the POZIAM Network and came out as a person living with HIV/AIDS publicly. I remember when the season was over I decided to reach out to Jack through his website. I wanted to ask about placing a link to my network on his website. I thought it was a shot in the dark. I was surprised when Jack personally wrote me back and said yes he would add a link. I remember being so excited and jumping up and down with joy that I just got an email from Mr. Jack Mackenroth.

In February of 2009 I invited Jack to be a guest on POZIAM Radio. He accepted (you can listen to the interview). In April of 2009 Jack saw I was looking for a second co-host and asked if he could help. I of course said yes and the rest is history.

I had the pleasure of meeting Jack for the first time this past October. He was in Philadelphia speaking for the Philly AIDS Walk on behalf of his Living Positive by Design campaign. I am blessed today to call Jack a friend and fellow warrior in this fight.

Robert and Ongina.

Then later in 2009 came Logo's RuPaul's Drag Race and the introduction of Ongina. RuPaul's Drag Race is a competition that pits drag queen against drag queen. At times they have to lip sync for their lives in order to be crowned the next Drag Superstar. I myself have never done drag before. I find the transformation of a man into a woman fascinating. I knew when I first heard about this show I would be a fan.

I remember watching Ongina during the MAC Viva Glam challenge. Her slogan was "Life is a celebration". Then at the end of that episode when they announced Ongina won the challenge, she was overwhelmed with emotion. You see, the MAC Viva Glam campaign donates proceeds to help people living with HIV/AIDS. Unknowing to the viewing audience, Ongina then did something she have never imagined she would. Ongina then announced to the world she had been living with HIV for the past two years. This was unplanned and that was what made this so real to many who were watching.

I was so proud of Ongina for sharing her status, especially since her family was unaware of it. Ongina showed others that, as HIV-positive people, we can still live productive lives and accomplish our dreams. That day Ongina touched my heart and the heart of many others and has never stopped.

In October of 2009 I was chosen to appear in one of Logo's "HIV+ME" episodes that featured Ongina. The "HIV+ME" episodes share personal stories of people living with HIV/AIDS. I was so honored to be chosen and was so excited to meet Ongina. That weekend in October I met both Ongina and Jack Mackenroth in person for the first time. It was a total dream come true!

The point of this is blog post is to express how important it is for more HIV-positive people to be cast in reality shows. I myself have tried out a few times for a few different shows and got good reactions from producers, but never made the cut. HIV/AIDS is a reality and the individuals above are proof of that.

I have watched many movies with individuals who were HIV positive or were living with AIDS, but by the end of the movie the individual dies. People still have the movie Philadelphia in their heads when they think of people with HIV/AIDS. People are living longer with HIV/AIDS in 2010 and there needs to be a show or movie that will showcase that to the world. I am working on creating a show to do just that.

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I describe myself as a "positive person with purpose." My goal is to help people living with HIV/AIDS discover similarities in each other ... and form friendships. I want to ease the shock of a diagnosis and remind people that our dreams are not infected. I am also an HIV/AIDS cyber-activist, radio show host, blogger and social network guru.

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