How do I deal with my negative and controlling mother that lives with me?

She gets mad when I leave her at home and go anywhere? My mother is 81 and lives with me, my husband and 2 kids of 14 and 12. We all feel trapped like in prison. We are not allowed to leave the house without her.W e are scared to go to the movies or drive around together like we use to. She gets jealous if she does not get to go..So we stay home or just take her everywhere with us. She got mad at me one time last year when I took my daughter to the mall alone and left her home, I wanted to spend alone time with my little girl, Well when I got home my mother was crying in her bed then that next day asked me for a gun to kill herself, That was done in front of my kids. My 14 year old son has developed nervous tics now. I am scared of going downstairs every morning not knowing what her mood will be. I feel I have lost my life as well as my husband and kids too..She is very controlling and is always angry if she does not get her way. I am very depressed because of my life, I feel alone and get no help from my sisters, They tell me just to deal with it and they are tired of hearing about my complaining.I try everything to keep my mom happy so there is piece in the home and nothing makes her happy. I have panic attacks every day. She is making me feel sick. I feel emotionally broken down and I don`t know what to do anymore...

Answers

Thank you guys for the advise..You are right I have let her taken over my house with her munipulation..She is a sick person..Not sure if it is dementia or not, She has been acting like this my whole life..

I agree that you should try to get her doctor to prescribe something to calm her down. It sounds to me like she is very manipulative. It is cruel for a grandmother to make such a threat about a gun in front of her grandchildren, and she should be told so. From what you've wrote, it doesn't sound like she has dementia or can't be left home alone. This is not fair to you or your children. You need to set firm boundaries and stick with them. You have to become the parent. If you want to take your daughter to the mall, you should be able to do that. Tell her what the consequences will be if she does this again. For instance, if you take one of your children somewhere without her, tell her you are going and explain calmly that if she has a tantrum, you will not take her anywhere for a week. Then stick with it. If the situation does not change, you should look into assisted living for her. This is just not right to do to the children, or to you. Stay strong, and do not allow yourself to be manipulated.

Get that woman out of your house, come hell or high water. Had MY mom pulled that shit...she's just as bad as yours...and asked for a gun, I would have handed her a loaded one. End of misery, and life is grand. Don't bow to manipulation. Tell her it's YOUR house, and if she doesn't get her ass in gear, she's out. What she's doing could have YEARS of consequences on your kids mental health. She ain't worth it. Send her to your sisters and tell THEM to 'deal with it' and see how often THEY bitch. *hugs*

Ask her doctor to prescribe an anti-anxiety med and/or antidepressant. Go back to what you used to do and do not let her control your life. Consider assisted living for her before you need it for yourself. We went through this phase with Mom and the xanax plus celexa have helped her a lot.

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