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4/10/2013

A Mothers Judgment on Ear Piercing

Today we have a guest post to share with you. Our writer is Michelle Pohl, a homeschool mamma of 3. She shares personal stories at women, teen, and mom groups to encourage them to also begin Blooming With Joy through every chaotic moment, disappointment and failure. She writes for the Metro Voice and can be found at Blooming with Joy

Mall accessory stores proudly advertise free ear-piercing with the purchase of earrings. Window shoppers can gaze into the store front to observe these new piercings take place. Many mothers bring their daughters of all ages to the store and gladly sign the consent form.

One day in particular, observers were appalled see a mother holding her screaming daughter in the ear piercing chair. People begin to gather and gawk and looks of judgment flash across their face. To those who have stopped,it appears this mother was forcing her child to endure the pain of pierced ears.

Mothers, caring mothers, are held to scrutiny of the public. The public assumes the mother is a failure based on a 3 minute observation. They will harshly judge her and never offer a hand to help or word of encouragement. I mean, you wanna tell me that every Lil’ Johnny before 2013 was a perfect saint everyday of their life? No! We have all had a turn with the unruly child in public or had to make a tough decision, although not easily apparent, in the child's best interest.

The mother holding her child in the seat at Claire’s accessory store - was me! From the perspective of the on-lookers, gathered at the climax of our dilemma, it appeared as though I was forcing my child to get her ears pierced against her will! Those who judged my parenting decision as incompetent looked at me with detest, I even said to one lady, “she does want this!”

What they were not able to discern from the 2 minutes of their observation, which by the way it was the longest 2 minutes of my life, was my daughter had begged from me to take her to get her ears pierced for 2 years! After I finally determined she was old enough to understand the procedure and the little pain involved with getting pierced ears, I took her. As a matter of fact this was our second trip to Clair’s in two days.

The day before this occurrence, I was finally ready to fulfill her long desire for ear piercing. She was excited and as a family we were excited for her. But as the time drew closer fear began to steal her excitement. As we walked in the store it was clear she was becoming more apprehensive but still wanted to go through with it. She watched two other girls get their ears done without a tear. I filled out the necessary paper work for her and my younger daughter who was now interested. As a way to procrastinate she suggested her younger sister go first. I asked my younger daughter if she was sure she wanted her ears pierced? And if she wanted to go first? She said yes. I requested they do them at the same time. Done, with only a slight tear.

My daughter, who previously begged for me to take her to get her ears pierced for 2 years, was now on the spot. She said she changed her mind. She wanted it but not today. The technician, trying to help, tried to convince her it doesn’t hurt that bad. Then she made a statement, with good intentions, trying to shame her for letting her little sister go first. I told the lady thanks but no thanks, if she is not ready we are ok with her decision. We paid for one set of ear piercing and left the store.

My husband and I made it clear to our daughter the decision was up to her. If she changed her mind in the next few weeks we would gladly take here back to the store to try again. We also discussed that Satan tries to steal our joy and excitement through fear ultimately stealing our desires. During her apprehension, leading to the store, I tried to encourage her to focus on her verse, I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Her verse, as I call it, helps her overcome fear regularly. She did well, but would quickly revert to her fear. This is true from all of us when we face fears of all kinds. We are gipped with crippling fears that take hold of our faith in God’s word and our hope in Jesus.

The good news is these moments that we are crippled with fear, are not us failing but an opportunity for to begin blooming with joy in faith and trust in our God who is our strong-tower. Ps 18:2 says, “The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”

My husband and I both felt like our daughter made the wrong decision but we talked to her gave her plenty of chances to change her mind, and then we put it to rest. However, in fairness we wanted to honor our younger daughter’s bravery to do something she wanted, risking personal pain. She was very happy with her choice to pierce her ears.

She enjoyed showing her new earrings to family and friends. Of course, the compliments were here favorite part!

Late that evening our daughter, who decided to wait for her pierced ears, came to us and asked if we would take her tomorrow to try again. I said, “sure but she had to complete school with a good attitude.” She agreed. She requested that when I take her to Claire’s if she could sit in my lap and if they could do one ear at a time. I told her she could sit in my lap but that I think both ears at the same time is better so she won’t be tempted to quit between piercings. She said, I promise mommy I will do both, I just want them separate.

The next day she was very eager to get her school work complete. We talked again about fears stealing our joy. I also reiterated that I feel it would be best if both ears were done at the same time, she still wanted them pierced separately. As promised, after school we were off to Claire’s, again. Again, I filled out her consent form. Again, I made sure this is what she wanted. Again, I suggested both ears at the same time. Again, fear filled her mind after she sat in the chair. I told her we could leave and can come back when she is older. She said no, I don’t want to wait I want them today. The first ear was done, she remarked that didn’t hurt! I want a break.

My mistake was, I let her take a minute between the ears. It was these 2 minutes that I was judged by what people saw. Fear rushed my daughters mind again and she refused to let the tech do the other ear. Suddenly people gathered and gawked, looking down upon me with detest. I literally called out to the crowd, she really does want this! In a two minute observation they saw me hold her for the 2nd ear, they assumed the worst and I was embarrassed. They also do not know how dramatic my daughter can be, she can literally laugh from her belly and cry from her heart in the same breath! Their perception was not reality.

What we perceive is going on may not be actually happening as we think. We cannot tell from 2 minutes what is actually going on in a person’s life. What we perceive is not necessarily true reality; this concept is part of base of our faith. This is why we must approach all things with grace and even encouragement for others. We can be the person God uses to breathe life or death into a weary soul!

Well the good news is, as soon as the tech was finished, my daughter was instantly happy with her choice to get her ears pierced. I, however, was emotionally drained for the evening. But can laugh about it now! I can go on and on about how we quickly judge mothers in a moment of distress but I encourage you, if nothing else, pray for her. We have all been in her shoes. And if something truly wrong, prayer will create a ripple effect unlike any judgment we cast.

We rested at the play area there was one other family present, a mother and her one perfect son. I am sure she overheard my snippiness with my girls, but I didn’t care. She has no idea what I just went through! Should I have been snippy, no, should I have given more grace, yes. But we will talk about giving grace to others when we are not in the mood, on another day, when I am in the mood. I have learned enough for one day!