Saturday, March 25, 2006

Nostalgia, it's not what it used to be.

Okay, so I was trying to while away an hour or so on thatvideosite.com, and I stumbled across a video that was the opening sequence from ‘Power Rangers’. Here’s the link:

http://www.thatvideosite.com/view/969.html

Not the new Power Rangers, I’m talking about the one I actually used to watch when I was 12. The original (or at least the first American version) Power Rangers.

Now, I’ll be completely honest. I only clicked the link to see if it was as bad as I remember it being. Power Rangers was one of those shows that was so bad, it actually passed right through bad, and came out the other side, as something resembling good.

In other words, you watched it so you could take the piss out of it in the schoolyard the next day.

Classic points to ponder are:

The fact that the Yellow Ranger was obviously a male in the Japanese version (They just pasted the fight scenes in directly out of the Japanese show).

That the big floating head thing gave them a new robot or weapon every single episode, and the fact that every single episode was more or less the same.

The plot. Bad guy attacks. Good guys fight back. Good guys get almost beaten. Floaty head guy gives them new weapon. Good guys win.

It was also amazing just how many high school kids really cared about the environment and were invited to ‘International Peace Talks’.

However, there are some things that you completely miss as a child. You know, before cynicism builds that cold dark wall around your soul.

Go watch the clip, I’ll wait until you get back.

(Reads the paper for 15 seconds).

Back already? Let me walk you through the clip.

Opening Scene. The witch type woman gets released from the gigantic pot. What are her first words?

“Ahhh! After ten thousand years I’m free! It’s time to conquer Earth!”

Now correct me if I’m wrong, but if I’d been locked in a giant pot for 10,000 years I’d do three things before I decided to conquer any nearby planets:

Take the biggest pee ever known to man.

Stretch.

Go grab a bite to eat.

Second thing.

Something’s not quite right about the big floating head. First of all, he’s apparently been given the job of looking after a giant pot that has an evil woman trapped in it… for 10,000 years.

Don’t you think after the first hundred someone might have realized that it didn’t really need guarding?

The other thing here is he actually fails to guard it. After 10,000 years, he sneaks off to the bathroom for a quick dump, and the bitch pops out.

Think he was given this assignment to keep him out of the way? Like he’s an important person’s cousin or something, so they can’t kick him out, but just give him an easy job where he can’t cause much trouble?

If you need further proof of his stupidity, think of the problem that’s facing him. An evil woman type thing has escaped from her pot, and she’s probably dangerous.

What would you do?

Well, in his shoes I’d call on, at the very least, the police. Earth has numerous armed forces, he could have his pick.

What’s his plan?

“Recruit a team of teenagers with attitudes!”

Basically, get together a group of kids to fight your mortal enemies!

While we’re on the subject, what exactly does ‘attitude’ even mean? Back in the early 90’s, everything had ‘attitude’. It’s one of those words that doesn’t really mean anything, but demographic studies show that the kids like it, so let’s slap it on everything!

Having an ‘attitude’ was something my mum used to beat the crap out of me for.

Oh, I get it, parent’s don’t like it, so being a kid with ‘attitude’ means you must be cool!

However, the thing that made me laugh them most is, if you watch the clip carefully, you’ll see that the robot dude manages to recruit the aforesaid ‘teenager’s with attitudes’ by pressing a single button.

I ask you, what kind of command center has a “recruit teenagers with attitudes’ button?

One ran by a monster tard, I’ll wager.

Let’s face it “Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers” should be more accurately titled as:

“Bunch of kids with generic ‘cool’ qualities, that real kids think are stupid, being sent to fight against people in bad Halloween costumes under the direction of a monster-tard floating head.”

…which surprisingly sounds a hell of a lot more like a japanese show title.

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Who writes this crap?

Moved from The UK to the USA to be with my beautiful wife. Been here for over six years, and still complaining about the heat. My hobbies include being angry, opinionated and saying "You know what pisses me off?" I also enjoy writing and trying to be funny.
I also did the voice for the Ninja Crab on 'Finding Nemo'