October is almost here. Time for NHL hockey, and much more importantly, NHL hockey predictions.

These should be taken literally, and are a reflection of not only immutable reality, but personal feelings about the teams in question. Down in eighth place? That's because we A) know the truth and B) hate your team. Hate, hate, hate your team. At the top? Expect significant success and active cheering from Sporting News throughout a lengthy, inevitable playoff run.

Next up: the Pacific Division, aka "The one that makes geographical sense."

Asterisks denote a projected playoff field.

PREDICTED STANDINGS

1. LOS ANGELES KINGS*

Last season: 27-16-4, lost in conference finals

The Kings' greatest accomplishment, aside from the Stanley Cup thing, is providing a perfect example to trot out against anyone arguing against puck possession as a predictor of success. No other team directed a larger percentage of their even-strength shots at the opponents' net last season. In 2011-12, the Kings were second. … Jonathan Quick, obviously, is quite good. In 2011-12, he was spectacular from top to bottom, and he returned to form in the playoffs last season. But remember: his even-strength save percentage over the last three regular seasons is only .003 better than Marc-Andre Fleury. He's not perfect. … Captain Dustin Brown's contributions go well beyond counting stats. He's a puck-possession monster who draws penalties, and his intangibles are obviously off the (nonexistent) charts. … Jake Muzzin had a solid rookie season, but a large part of that was run-off from playing with Drew Doughty. … Justin Williams is one of the most underrated players in the league … The bottom six is solid, and Matt Frattin will help.

2. SAN JOSE SHARKS*

Last season: 25-16-7, lost in second round

Joe Pavelski is the Sharks' version of Brown, except he scores a little more, possesses the puck a little more, plays against slightly better competition and draws less penalties … Brent Burns is listed as a forward on the team's website. The conversion is complete. No, not that one. … Marc-Edouard Vlasic is a legitimate shut-downdefenseman who plays well against top competition on a nightly basis. Same goes for his partner last season, Justin Braun. … Over the last three seasons, only four goalies with at least 1000 minutes played have a higher even-strength save percentage than Antti Niemi's .930: Tim Thomas, Henrik Lundqvist, Cory Schneider and Roberto Luongo. … The "This is Logan Couture's team" narrative has some truth, but it sells Joe Thornton and Patrick Marleau short. … Believe it or not, they'll miss Raffi Torres while he recoveries from a torn ACL. Prospects Matt Nieto and Freddie Hamilton are the leading candidates to skate on Pavelski's right wing.

3. VANCOUVER CANUCKS*

Last season: 26-15-7, lost in first round

They have a new coach, and he's feisty! You may have heard this. They have the same goalie, and he's on Twitter! You may have heard this. Seriously, the Canucks are fascinating, and the Tortorella-Luongo story line is almost fun enough to stay fresh. … Lost in the shuffle: Luongo's still quite good. … Before Zack Kassian's suspension, Tortorella was hell-bent on skating him with the Sedins. Pairing the twins with a player that big? It's too good not to happen, eventually. … In the meantime, teenage rookies Bo Horvat and Hunter Shinkaruk are on the big roster. The Canucks are so weak down the middle that Horvat might stick. Shinkaruk, meanwhile, could see time on Ryan Kesler's line. Kesler-Shinkaruk-David Booth would be fun. … Whether the team is passable offensively may hinge on Kesler's health, and whether's he's capable of returning to his 2010-11 level. If he isn't, things could get fuzzy in a hurry. … The defense, meanwhile, is probably Vancouver's biggest strength. The top five, at least—Kevin Bieksa, Alex Edler, Dan Hamhuis, Jason Garrison and Chris Tanev are solid.

4. PHOENIX COYOTES*

Last season: 21-18-9, missed playoffs

Thank god the ownership saga is over. We're speaking selfishly, for the most part, but the team deserves an honest shot in Arizona, and it's getting it. No more excuses, though. … Now, there could've been better ways tospend $22 million than on Mike Ribeiro, who's 33 years old and always been more of a super-second-line center than a true No. 1. Economically or not, though, he'll make the team better than it was last season, particularly on the power play. He had 13 goals and 36 assists last season with the Washington Capitals, though that was fueled by 20-percent shooting that's likely to drop. … Mike Smith was great in 2011-12, but there's still a good chance that .930 save percentage was an outlier. He was .910 last season, .900 in 2009-10 and .899 in 2010-11. … The defense is solid, though, and Oliver Ekman-Larsson is already rock-solid at just 22. High-quality underpants, too. … This isn't a stats-friendly approach, but it never feels wise to pick against a team coach by Dave Tippett.

5. ANAHEIM DUCKS*

Last season: 30-12-6, lost in first round

The Ducks' hot start was fun to watch—#TeemuForever and all that—but it was built on a shaky foundation; they took 51 percent of the shots at even strength, which was 21st in the league. That came crashing to earth in the first round against the Detroit Red Wings. … Trading away Bobby Ryan, inevitable as it was, made them worse, at least in the short term. Jakob Silfverberg should be a good one—his shot is something to watch—but he's not Ryan right now. … Francois Beauchemin had one of the best seasons by a defenseman, and he's also on track to return quickly from ACL surgery. … It's tough to criticize them all that much for paying Ryan Getzlaf and Corey Perry; those contracts seemed huge, but they'll become the norm because of the CBA's new regulations. … Dustin Penner is back with Getzlaf and Perry. Whether he produces points is always a question, but his underlying numbers are solid. … Anaheim needs Cam Fowler to keep improving. Quickly. … Viktor Fasth might be a better option than Jonas Hiller at this point. A .913 save percentage probably isn't good enough.

6. EDMONTON OILERS

Last season: 19-22-7, missed playoffs

The Oilers pretty easily could challenge for a playoff spot. There's no reason to think Taylor Hall, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins and Nail Yakupov won't improve. If Jordan Eberle doesn't, he's still a good player. … Justin Schultz,for all the hype (and the All-Rookie votes), wasn't particularly great in his first year. Tough to imagine him not getting better, though, and playing with Andrew Ference will help. As for the rest of the blue line, Anton Belov is found money, and Ladislav Smid is an OK player on an OK contract. … Devan Dubnyk (.921 save percentage) is good enough for now, and certainly Edmonton's best option, but the .923 even-strength save percentage should make Oilers fans nervous. … Injuries to Nugent-Hopkins and Sam Gagner will cause problems early—maybe enough to stop Dallas Eakins' team from breaking its playoff drought in his first season. Hall playing center will be interesting.

7. CALGARY FLAMES

Last season: 19-25-4, missed playoffs

They should be the worst team in the league by a wide margin. … Good for Mark Giordano on getting the captainship, but as one of the team's few remaining solid, established NHL players, it'd be hard to blame him for passing. … Karri Ramo is taking over for Miikka Kiprusoff. He was great for the last few years in the KHL—for whatever that's worth, since someone named Teemu Lassila had the same save percentage. In parts of three seasons with the Lighting before that, Ramo never posted a save percentage above .899. … When does Jay Feaster stand outside the Saddledome with a "Mike Cammalleri For Sale" sign? … Maybe Sven Baertschi will get a chance to play with … Matt Stajan? Sean Monahan? Boy, the Flames are bad. … Someone has to score goals. Might as well be Lee Stempniak.

HOT TWITTER QUESTIONS

These are great for #brand engagement, and also very good for serious, important predictions. Remember: #SNbesthockey.

1) "Which Pacific division team has the best group of players to survive on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean?"—@sebbymany

The Flames might answer this question in real life. It's easy to imagine things somehow going that badly for them. Let's go with the Kings, though. They're tough, experienced, and Darryl Sutter could farm something. The Oilers could do well; Eakins would bring his vegetables.

2) "how would you rank the Pacific teams based on their projected backup goalies?"—@ihaveoreos