tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post7545223201887527739..comments2016-10-16T19:42:10.986-04:00Comments on Her Bad Mother: Deep Into The DarknessHer Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger126125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-64742625634508049932008-10-03T16:52:00.000-04:002008-10-03T16:52:00.000-04:00Oh man, how I remember this exhaustion. Knowing t...Oh man, how I remember this exhaustion. Knowing that sleep will come eventually is no solace when you're just so damn tired. I was recommended an OTC sleep med that was okay with nursing. She still woke to nurse frequently, but I could fall back to sleep after she did, rather than lie in bed anxiously waiting for the next cry.<BR/><BR/>Svetlana sounds like good people, too. It's great that you're reaching out.Kellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17350861069153040567noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-16972888795619706342008-10-03T16:10:00.000-04:002008-10-03T16:10:00.000-04:00Just one more mother to say well done. Identify t...Just one more mother to say well done. Identify the pain, and get some help. There is nothing else with that slow, insidious, creeping, evil torture as persistent lack of sleep. Exhaustion, the real kind, not the kind we all walk around mumbling about on a daily basis, is crippling. You will get past this. You ARE a good mother. And not the only one to struggle just like you are. Peas, and love.allisonwondrlandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07628025951154112686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-80678324573422935262008-10-02T13:14:00.000-04:002008-10-02T13:14:00.000-04:00Reading this has me plummeting backward through 8 ...Reading this has me plummeting backward through 8 years of time. <BR/><BR/>I know that darkness, that deep, drenching darkness of the soul. <BR/><BR/>Reading your post makes me want to hyperventilate, because going back into the dark, dark place is something I have avoided at all costs. (My second child was adopted because the first one made me understand where Andrea Yates was coming from. And that's just terrifying.) <BR/><BR/>The only thing that worked for me was talk therapy. (And letting my father keep the baby one night a week. Which requires pumping and a willing grandparent, so that you can get those precious hours now and then.) I'm fairly certain without those two things I would not be here today, I would have given in to the voices in my head that said that if I was dead, I would be able to sleep. <BR/><BR/>Don't let that darkness invade too deeply into your soul.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-12163428348131916222008-10-02T12:12:00.000-04:002008-10-02T12:12:00.000-04:00You are normal, although extremely stressed. I fe...You are normal, although extremely stressed. I feel real bad for you. I felt that way many a time. <BR/><BR/>My kids are all teens now, and about a year ago I almost lost it. I just felt like leaving home and not returning til they went to college. The crying and the 'why are they putting me through this' and just wanting out.<BR/><BR/>(I'm not trying to discourage you, I'm pointing out that it happens often in motherhood. How you deal with it now may help you later)sheilahttp://www.maviefolle.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-84388966204446583482008-10-02T10:27:00.000-04:002008-10-02T10:27:00.000-04:00Who hasn't had those thoughts? As a Mom of three a...Who hasn't had those thoughts? As a Mom of three and one a colic baby I found myself often thinking how glad I am that we're wired to love our babies because I was pretty pissed off by not sleeping for three days and this baby just yelling because, "I hai, can I haz hold me now?" And I had to take care of other children, too. I'd feel so overwhelmed and I'd sing that lullaby through my gritted teeth. And then I'd feel terrible. But I had a friend who consistently told me, "You're not evil. The difference is you DON'T act out on how that felt." I'm really thankful for her. She saved my life if not my sanity. But I don't think my lack of sanity is child related it's just having them brought it to light, I think.<BR/><BR/>I hope your appt today is helpful. I'll be thinking of you and hoping for the best.Kim @ Ponytaildiaries.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12106809118792122459noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-48003973675240007212008-10-02T08:16:00.000-04:002008-10-02T08:16:00.000-04:00Am thinking of you Cath, and checking back in to m...Am thinking of you Cath, and checking back in to make sure all is well. Help is good. Help is...help. And your friends, well we're here for you but there's only so much we can do. <BR/><BR/>Much love.Mom101https://www.blogger.com/profile/15468524489744839899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1177009828745446112008-10-01T21:37:00.000-04:002008-10-01T21:37:00.000-04:00My wife went through this, too, including the slee...My wife went through this, too, including the sleep issues. She DID see a psychiatrist and came out the other side better and happier than I think she was even before our son was born. No shame in getting help when you need it. Good luck!Alex Forsterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14363700499658485683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-6058146497629132612008-10-01T21:17:00.000-04:002008-10-01T21:17:00.000-04:00Yes, see the psychiatrist, get on the pills (which...Yes, see the psychiatrist, get on the pills (which are safe for breastfeeding), and KNOW that you are NOT a monster. The fact that you have enough personal power in you to seek help says a WHOLE lot. GOOD FOR YOU. Much love to you and prayers.Haley-Ohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07516203764767040649noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-57690888933032794132008-10-01T18:03:00.000-04:002008-10-01T18:03:00.000-04:00Any exhausted, sleep-deprived mother of a baby and...Any exhausted, sleep-deprived mother of a baby and a toddler who says they never felt this way is lying.<BR/><BR/>You're a good mother. And your asking for some extra help only emphasizes this fact.<BR/><BR/>Hugs.ewe are herehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13339650361453626546noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-10171871660658359292008-10-01T13:13:00.000-04:002008-10-01T13:13:00.000-04:00I've been following your twits and blog for a whil...I've been following your twits and blog for a while now but rarely (if ever - I can't remember) comment. I just want to tell you that you speak for millions of women and are an inspiration. You are NOT a bad mother. You are an incredibly conscientious mother who gets help when you recognize a problem. <BR/><BR/>I'm convinced that PPD = sleep deprivation. I've had 3 kids now and it was with the one child that wouldn't sleep that I felt those same urges. Mamas need sleep. <BR/><BR/>Just delurking for a moment to applaud you.Mama Smurfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18156035813578322910noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-58915499733187457362008-10-01T11:10:00.000-04:002008-10-01T11:10:00.000-04:00Oh HBM, you are going to be ok!! I can recall ple...Oh HBM, you are going to be ok!! I can recall plenty of times I thought I was going to "lose" it w/ my 2 older ones and now I have little Mia Catherine who has not yet brought me to that point yet, but I'm sure she will, she's only 10 weeks! My thoughts are with you, and I'm glad you are going to see the dr...Proud of you.. <BR/>MarieAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-43355364221602886592008-10-01T03:22:00.000-04:002008-10-01T03:22:00.000-04:00So brave of you to get help - I wish you all the b...So brave of you to get help - I wish you all the best.<BR/><BR/>I nominated you for a blog award - I don't expect it to make your day, but you should know that people care.Larahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02360034185798990926noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-37064552338749625882008-10-01T02:08:00.000-04:002008-10-01T02:08:00.000-04:00Good luck, mom. I hope you get some sleep.Good luck, mom. I hope you get some sleep.Cinthianoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-59600365199268795802008-10-01T02:05:00.000-04:002008-10-01T02:05:00.000-04:00Oh I'm so proud of you. What a wise mother you are...Oh I'm so proud of you. What a wise mother you are to get what you need taken care of.Lottahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00663817788501199975noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-84012727886507845432008-10-01T01:04:00.000-04:002008-10-01T01:04:00.000-04:00I'm so sorry you're going through this. On top of ...I'm so sorry you're going through this. On top of everything you're going through, exhaustion makes things 1,000 times worse. I hope everything went well at the doctor today. Good for you for taking the big step and realizing you want some help. That's huge and I agree with what another poster said above -- that makes you a good mommy.Alyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09865957000184839906noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-56291431966926000122008-10-01T00:47:00.001-04:002008-10-01T00:47:00.001-04:00i'm not sure if a hospital near you has a sleep cl...i'm not sure if a hospital near you has a sleep clinic, but if you can find one, they may be able to help in getting jasper to sleep on his own. when my son was co-sleeping and nursing all. night. long. i took the advice of a sleep clinic and he slept through the night the first night and every night since. he was 7 months old at the time and is 2 years and 6 months now. i never thought i'd do something like that, but realized i had to get some rest, so you know you need as well. i didn't mind that he stopped nursing b/c my supply all but vanished in 2 days. i was sleeping. sweet, glorious hours of sleep. let me know if you want any information - that is, if you and your doctors don't have another solution. i hope, darling, that you and your family can heal.mommymaehttp://mommymae.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-22233892144848765332008-10-01T00:47:00.000-04:002008-10-01T00:47:00.000-04:00i'm not sure if a hospital near you has a sleep cl...i'm not sure if a hospital near you has a sleep clinic, but if you can find one, they may be able to help in getting jasper to sleep on his own. when my son was co-sleeping and nursing all. night. long. i took the advice of a sleep clinic and he slept through the night the first night and every night since. he was 7 months old at the time and is 2 years and 6 months now. i never thought i'd do something like that, but realized i had to get some rest, so you know you need as well. i didn't mind that he stopped nursing b/c my supply all but vanished in 2 days. i was sleeping. sweet, glorious hours of sleep. let me know if you want any information - that is, if you and your doctors don't have another solution. i hope, darling, that you and your family can heal.mommymaehttp://mommymae.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-90937970291083776552008-09-30T21:20:00.000-04:002008-09-30T21:20:00.000-04:00You amaze me every single time I come here. Every....You amaze me every single time I come here. Every. Single. Time. This is just proof that you're love for the boy far outweighs any moment of uncontrolled emotion that you might have had.<BR/><BR/>I can't say that it is not the scariest thing in the world. I know that it is. <BR/><BR/>Sleep deprivation makes people do crazy things. <BR/><BR/>I wish you the very best.Michellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09355860795537414954noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-23492811117641641732008-09-30T21:13:00.000-04:002008-09-30T21:13:00.000-04:00Just one more voice saying, me, too. Finally, in t...Just one more voice saying, me, too. Finally, in the middle of one night with #2 (and, actually, there may have been a few such episodes with #1) when she was a couple, few months old, I started cursing like a sailor - "If I don't get some effing sleep I'm going to go out of my effing mind!" Charming. But my husband sure did snap to trying to make sure I got some sleep afterward. I was in therapy I believe shortly after that. My therapist, of course, said I needed some sleep. I'm still paying her big bucks for that.Shannonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17986540464794429363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-85505876327908781392008-09-30T21:00:00.000-04:002008-09-30T21:00:00.000-04:00You know what I'm going to say: no assvice, no "t...You know what I'm going to say: no assvice, no "this worked for me", just Good for you. And good for you for blogging about it, so maybe someone else feeling the same way might seek help next time.NotSoSagehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04782162947524115936noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-8287903795456459672008-09-30T20:53:00.000-04:002008-09-30T20:53:00.000-04:00Get some help, get some sleep. Hire someone to hel...Get some help, get some sleep. Hire someone to help you with the two small children. Get a person for the day shift and the night shift until you feel well.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-64452986904013098712008-09-30T20:34:00.000-04:002008-09-30T20:34:00.000-04:00I SO hear you on this post. I hear you. I rememb...I SO hear you on this post. I hear you. I remember my moment, a moment where I literally wanted to swing my baby over my head by her ankles, the way you'd throw a pillow in a pillow fight. <BR/><BR/>It scared the hell out of me. You are not alone.Lisa N.https://www.blogger.com/profile/05553485625575303233noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-10298503156868489752008-09-30T18:32:00.000-04:002008-09-30T18:32:00.000-04:00Oh sweetie. I wish I was there, to bring the baby ...Oh sweetie. I wish I was there, to bring the baby to you for nursing, then do the changing and rocking and handle the "hey it's 2 AM, time for me to be wide awake!" times of the day (night?). Only you and your husband and doctor can decide what is best for you obviously, but if it has to be some kind of nanny or night nurse or whatever, I hope you are able to do it even for a short time, so that you can pay back your enormous sleep debt to your body. You shouldn't have to suffer like this. I'll be here in Michigan worrying about you xoxoElizabethhttp://table4five.netnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-20049742027154472552008-09-30T17:18:00.000-04:002008-09-30T17:18:00.000-04:00Oh poor Catherine. I so feel you. Been there, done...Oh poor Catherine. I so feel you. Been there, done that, with each and every kid. Got help a couple of times, suffered through a couple of times, threw dishes once and put my foot through a wall once. It's normal. Good for you for stepping up and getting what you need. I wish you sleep and peace.FishyGirlhttp://profile.typekey.com/FishyGirl/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-90819611058988415292008-09-30T16:46:00.001-04:002008-09-30T16:46:00.001-04:00Do you realize that if you take antidepressants T...Do you realize that if you take antidepressants Tom Cruise will be very disappointed in you?<BR/>Sorry, just a bit of humor to try and cheer you up.<BR/>Actually, medication will make you feel much better. You're only human and if you're not getting enough sleep and the baby keeps screaming of course you'll feel miserable. I remember feeling that way myself, although my youngest just started college. When you described the snuffling and the poking and the pushing I wanted to shoot the damn kid out of a cannon!<BR/>We mothers get fed this ridiculous crap that we should be calm and loving and easygoing at all times and if we're not then we're (cue the ominous music) BAD MOTHERS!<BR/>Fathers don't have to live up to that kind of impossible standard. They're allowed to be grouchy and resentful and downright pissed when the kids are driving them crazy. I believe mothers deserve the same deal.<BR/>The good news is this is all a flash in the pan. Your baby won't remember if you were less than angelic at times. My oldest son is almost 20 and he has no idea that when he was a newborn I used to put him in his crib and go sit on the front steps with the door closed so I couldn't hear him crying. My most heartfelt desire was to climb in my car and drive to a hotel, where I would check in and sleep for about 18 hours. <BR/>Eventually he got older and started sleeping better. I got used to taking care of a baby. I got my old self back.<BR/>This too shall pass and you'll feel better. In the meantime, thank you for sharing your thoughts so honestly. And the world won't come to an end if you put the baby in the crib and go have a cup of tea or take a walk around the block.<BR/>-JillAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com