A Schaeferean Drama: Act IV

August 03, 1998|By Laura Lippman

This week in Schaefer history, Aug. 2-Aug. 8, 1992:

Today, instead of our usual recap of hilarious hijinks in the comptroller's race, we bring you a very personal story from the annals of "This Week in Schaefer History," in the form of a three-act play, which we call, in the interest of full disclosure: "The Governor, a Gun and My Husband's Pants."

Act I: Six years ago today, then-Gov. William Donald Schaefer travels to Princeton, N.J., to do what most people do when they go to that bucolic exurb -- watch a New Jersey state trooper use three semiautomatic weapons to blow away targets filled with red-dyed water. Schaefer vows to reintroduce legislation to ban certain automatic weapons in Maryland, where the death rate among targets filled with red-dyed water is alarmingly high.

Act II: It is now March 1993. The ban has not been passed, and the governor is frustrated. He broods and broods, until his brain dries up! (Oops, scratch that, it's a line from "Man of LaMancha.") He calls a news conference. John Roll, an Associated Press reporter, smiles during the governor's presentation. One could even say smirks. So the governor picks up one of the semiautomatic weapons, specifically a S.W.D. Cobray Mac 11, aims it at him and says:

"Some of you have never had [a gun] in your face. I bet you wouldn't be laughing. I bet you wouldn't be smiling. I don't know what would happen to your pants, but I can imagine."

A photo of the gun-toting guv appears nationwide, along with his quote, although the New York Times drops the pants.

Act III: August 1995. The governor is no longer the governor, and John Roll is no longer a reporter. Roll is robbed at gunpoint at a Royal Farms store in North Baltimore. The national media inexplicably ignore this event. Roll's pants come through with flying colors. It is never established whether Schaefer has an alibi.