June 14, 2013

We love featuring all kinds of Bay Area Real Estate win: the bad listing photos, the atrocious listing copy, the ridiculous pricing, the uncorrectable defects better known as location fail, the horrendous décor choices, or any other example of Realty WTF that our readers send us.

Today’s entry will start your weekend off well. While Game of Thrones just finished its third season on HBO, you can play the game on the Peninsula! Thanks very much to Burbed reader waiting_for_the_fall for this fantastic installment!

Complete fixer in great Daly City neighborhood. City approved remodel plans in place to create legal 3 bedroom 2 bath. Large corner lot close to transportation and shopping. Detached garage and private, low maintenance yard. Lots of sweat equity in this home ready for the handy buyer!

First let’s have a good look around, especially that low maintenance yard.

What does waiting_for_the_fall have to say about this charming cottage?

I got another one for you. This one is a real stinker.

Check out the steps up to both toilets. I’ve heard of toilets called thrones before, but this is taking it a bit too far. The listing history is like a roller coster. How can anyone think this crapshack (with toilet thrones!) is worth 489k?!?

If anyone buys this house at the listed price, they are mentally insane.

If everyone is high on bubbly, that’s not mental insanity. That’s a day in the Bay Area that ends with “-y”! Y for Yes We Are!

February 21, 2013

Yes, you heard right, today we have an actual house for sale for less than $300 big ones. That means you have no more excuses for not becoming a homedebtor. Thanks very much to Burbed reader holyzoo for passing along this palace in Pacifica!

This is a total fixer upper. The house needs everything! Swimming pool full of rancid water. Considered uninhabitable . Sewer lateral needs to be replaced. This is a contractor special. The house needs all new systems and total restoration. Large termite report calls for further inspections. Holes in walls. Wood floors ruined.

Did you hear that? This house has EVERYTHING! Let’s check in with the zed.

Yeah, I know it’s totally not RBA, but how often do you actually see a listing for under $300k?

I think we’ll be heading to the open house just to feel thankful we don’t have cancer or gangrene.

Speaking of the open house, let’s see how open the walls are.

Wait a minute, wait a minute… Remember when we last saw floors like this? Sure you do.

Now, we are definitely not saying that this house could have allegedly been a hypothetical meth lab. And we are definitely not saying that this house could have been used for any non-normal innocent suburban purposes whatsoever OH PLEASE DON’T SUE US PLEASE DON’T THROW US INTO THAT BRIAR PATCH JACKPOT JURY PROCESS.

But we are saying that it’s a good thing the nearest fire station is, we swear we are not making this up, only 88 yards from this house.

Have a look at some more pictures, including one that is very definitely NSFW, after the break.

October 5, 2012

9:50 AM: See end for update. It’s worth it.12:09 PM: Another update on the other murder.

It’s time to play Build a Ginormous House Somewhere Not As Expensive As The Real Bay Area and then try to find a buyer! Ready? It’s Burbed reader J from Alameda‘s turn with this lovely Lafayette listing.

As promised, a lovely chateau – in the Lafayette hills. Of note: a million dollar price reduction, a reasonable $322 a square foot and lots of columns.

Somehow it seems that 3.5 bathrooms spread across 6,200 sq feet of living space is not quite the usual ratio – a new way to measure houses – bathrooms per square feet? I am sure the buyer will be happy to have an elevator to navigate all those stories. Enjoy!

You’re right, J. We’ve noted the business of beaucoup bathrooms in ginormous houses for people with too much money and not enough taste. No wonder this place had a million dollar price reduction. According to the LA Times, this house needs at minimum 8 rooms for waste disposal and sluicing.

Good thing it was PRICED TO SELL !!! We’ve seen enough houses that were priced to stay empty or priced to sit on the listing service for years and years.

Update 9:50 AM: Burbed reader magdalena alerts us to this 2005 SF Chronicle article that specifically mentions the house. In a this-would-never-be-believed-as-fiction tragedy, the wife of criminal defense lawyer Daniel Horowitz was murdered in “the entryway of the home.” Wikipedia says she was murdered in a mobile home on the property while their “dream house” was being completed. The murder occurred four days after the beginning of a high-profile trial where Horowitz was defending Susan Polk, accused of killing her husband in their Orinda home. Horowitz had taken the case after Polk had fired her previous lawyers for encouraging her to plead insanity.

This led to a mistrial, but as Horowitz prepared for Polk’s second trial, she fired him, convinced that he had something to do with his wife’s murder. 16 year old Scott Dyleski was convicted of the murder; supposedly he intended to kill a neighbor who had run over his dog and went to the wrong house. Polk’s story manages to get even more bizarre after Horowitz was fired (this Dateline NBC link confirms the mobile home claim from Wikipedia).

WOW! Sunrise and sunset is just the entryway of what’s included with this house!

Update 12:09 PM: Murder kills home values as well as people. Check out Susan Polk’s house. We found a listing e-flyer, and Redfin has the price history:

October 1, 2012

Our pleas have been heard! A couple of weeks ago, when posting the nine kajillionth house in Mountain View “close to Google,” we asked for homes that were not in the hot, hot, hot Mountain View/Palo Alto area. And Burbed reader JL has delivered, with this attractive attached abode in Alameda. Yes, Alameda, as in the island in Alameda County.

Don’t say we didn’t warn you about this one, because we certainly did.

Open – Sunday, Sept 23rd, 2 – 3 pm only. A 4 bedroom single-family attached home situated on a quiet lagoon, close to the beach and walking path. TLC needed for this contemporary home.

So far, nothing too alarming here, other than this “duet home” having a garage door face-off. One looks like a paint sampler and one doesn’t. One has a peaked roof feature and one doesn’t. The windows and shutters aren’t matched either.

Guess our standards shouldn’t be so high when buying a house directly from the bank instead of through a pesky owner.

So first, let’s first admire that Water view we were promised.

Delightful! Ready to see the inside of the house? Sure you are. You may need to take a minute to adjust your eyes from the bright sun glinting off the water. We’ll give you a brief rest by making you click through to see them, and many more pictures!

September 18, 2012

Longtime readers of this site might remember that Our Founder had this thing about pink houses. Every once in a while we find a really Special one to keep the Dream alive! Here’s a winner in South San Francisco, and you’ve already figured out what we meant by “winner,” didn’t you? We mean that you can buy this house for only twice as much as your brother in Akron paid for his 5 bedroom spread on an acre.

Great location in Southwood. Short stroll to the Library, and Adult School. Fixer upper, probate sale requires court confirmation. 1st showing on Sunday Sept 16 from 1 -4 PM. Termite inspection report and disclosure package will be available by Sept 21, 2012. Offer to use probate bid form provided in disclosure package. Seal bid to be delivered to listing office by Oct 16, 2012 before 5 PM.

Oh goody, court confirmation! So this is a perfect house for you if you hate pushy agents who want you to fill out paperwork yesterday, and you’re not in much of a hurry to live anywhere, and you prefer vintage fixtures.

And at a whopping 930 square feet, it’s not like you’ll have enough room to move more than one U-Haul truck’s worth of furnishings.

Definitely check out the (only) bathroom, and then look under the cabinet for some bleach to clean your brain from any aftereffects of this photo. There’s more photos of the other rooms on the listing!

But hey! The house is definitely pink and it can be yours… in October… we hope… just in time to paint it orange for either Halloween or to match the street name.

Some mansions have nearly as many toilets as entire blocks in less regal neighborhoods

By Lauren Beale, Los Angeles Times, March 2, 2012, 6:34 p.m.

Here’s another way the rich are different: They have more bathrooms.

Real estate brokers who cater to the moneyed say their clients typically want homes that have at least two bathrooms for every bedroom. And with spacious tubs, floor lamps, dressing areas and seating, some bathrooms rival bedrooms in size.

“The bathroom has become the dressing room,” said Bob Ray Offenhauser, a Studio City-based residential architect who routinely encloses the shower and toilet in their own rooms within a room. “They really don’t look much like bathrooms anymore.”

Some mansions have nearly as many commodes as entire blocks in less regal neighborhoods.

Pickfair, the Beverly Hills estate of Mary Pickford and Douglas Fairbanks, was outfitted with 30 bathrooms in a later overhaul. But the record locally may be the 41 bathrooms boasted by an 18,400-square-foot Mediterranean-style home in Bel-Air that was recently on the market for $40 million, real estate agents say.

This is an alarming trend coming out of SoCal. Why would ginormous Southland estates need more bathrooms than the San Jose Convention Center? Do they all need to do coke privately, but simultaneously? Is this high-pressure trend going to affect estates in the Real Bay Area?

Discuss. You may refer to Facebook stock prices to support your conclusion.

This is also your Weekend Open Thread, so feel free to mention any Open Houses you visited, or whatever else you feel like arguing about today.

January 4, 2012

I’m sure it’s not this simple… but really… couldn’t you just flush the toilet and see what happens? If it doesn’t go anywhere, or just goes outside, maybe it’s not connected to the sewer?

Why is this so hard to figure out?

But more importantly, does it even matter? Aren’t we supposed to be green and all? Forget “gray water”, that’s so last century. These days, it’s about yellow and-possibly-brown (if you’re coming back from Mexico having drank the water) water.

* MLS#: 80850169
Great opportunity to own a piece of Scotts Valley! Home details are from last MLS listing. Home was left in the middle of major recontruction. Fixer upper or tear down. No kitchen, only one bath. Please view with caution. Unsafe deck. The information is provided by others and has not been verified by CENTURY 21 Alpha, seller or listing agent. Not a short sale!

Burbed doesn’t usually venture to Scotts Valley, but fortunately Burbed reader Scott (no relation) did and this is what he found!

Wowsers. Talk about affordable. And its just a short commute on beautiful 17.

The fact that this is half finished is what makes this an amazing deal. Look at some of the work that has been done already:

If that’s not an awesome design I don’t know what is. After a long day of work you can come home, soak in the bathtub, and admire nature all at the same time. Wowsers. And if you have to go potty, it’s right next to it!

This house is just waiting for you to complete the masterpiece. Quick! How will you complete this:

Wow. I think the boundaries between space and time are collapsing here. Hey, that means you can build an unpermitted addition into the 4th or 5th dimension!

So much senseless, ridiculous claims about how the Bay Area is declining in the silly press these days. Thanks to Burbed reader Carsten, we can remain confident that San Francisco is in the Real Bay Area. $789 sqft for a fixer upper feels normal… almost relieving.

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The posts on this weblog are provided "AS IS" with no warranties, and confer no rights. The opinions expressed herein are my own personal opinions and only represent the view of Burbed.com's editor. Comments are the views of commenters, not Burbed. If companies, properties, etc are mentioned on this blog, you should assume that I have a financial stake in them. Trust no one.