I’m considering trying to do a work exchange at Bhakti Fest again this year, but it’s quite late to be applying. It wasn’t clear if Sirgun Kaur was handling the work exchange coordination this year, so I thought I’d look to her blog for clues. I read this post by her, which tells of the events leading to her meeting her very nice husband, who actually showed me how to tie a house turban at Bhakti Fest last year. Infinity’s Cup: Yogi Stories: Finding Love in the Kundalini Yoga World.

Afterwards, tonight, I did “Fingers of Steel” kriya, and then “Har” without music, instead listening to So Purkh, recited by Satkirin Kaur Khalsa. Boy did that have a different dynamic to it… actually quite remarkablely deeper. I somehow kept envisioning the yoni mudra during it. I suspect I might be opening up a relationship can of worms (or blessings) beyond what I could anticipate if I continue this combination. What would THAT be like? : )

It’s already after midnite (Monday/Tues AM now). I’ve been having a horrible time with sleep cycles since Saturday night. I went out to Leo Carillo Beach and met some friends for a potluck that eve, and decided to do my meditations on a scenic overlook on Encinal Canyon Road just above PCH as I headed home.

This is what it looked like before dark:At 10:30PM, it was beautiful in a different way, one that the iPhone camera couldn’t quite capture:I would’ve done them along the beach, but the police seem to patrol PCH late at night, and I didn’t want to be interrupted. I’d taken a sudafed earlier that eve for my allergies, and it didn’t help my meditative state at all.

Hopefully I’ll be able to finish these final Master’s Touch meditations before sleep tonight. Maybe even sadhana? For some reason I’m interested in heading over for it tonight/this morning. I went to a UX Meetup, or class sales event, more accurately, downtown by SciArc tonight, and felt inspired by the energy around those few blocks, filled with design and artist studios, but by the time I got home, that inspired energy had completely dissipated. Sigh. At least I had the remaining tortilla soup I made to restore my equilibrium; I wandered by a bunch of restaurants considering eating somewhere in the Traction St. neighborhood, or Chinatown, but my healthier food at home kept calling my name….

Forthcoming?
Meditation to Bring Knowledge of “Thou” (p. 289)Five Part Meditation to Keep the Chakras Open (p. 320)

I’ve been doing the Fingers of Steel Kriya every day since I first did it, and that was a couple days after I’d reached day 40 of the Har Kriya. Fingers of Steel Kriya – Day 51
Har Day 92, I think. The last few days have been a struggle to continue doing them. Perhaps because there are so many distractions around my apartment, I’m finding it harder to focus on them. I know I’ve reached this point with meditations when I did them for a long stretch before – maybe it’s time to start new ones. They were actually easier yesterday when I did them in a group setting, without any distractions or music. I wasn’t actually aiming for any specific number of days of either; I just wanted to keep doing them persistently every day. I find myself procrastinating doing them now too.

I also reached a point where I got a bit disinterested in posting my daily practice online, since it’s probably rather tedious for anybody else and a bit time consuming (time “wasting”?) for myself. I have done almost all the meditations in Master’s Touch now; only a few are left, and I’m trying to find the motivation to finish them off.

The last one I did, “For the Arcline,” was similar to the Fingers of Steel meditation, involving holding the hands over the head for another half an hour – over an hour with raised arms between the two, and frankly, my arms aren’t as interested as my mind in doing still more of these! Several of the remaining meditations also seem to involve holding the arms over the head. Mine are still a bit sore.Meditation for the arcline and the Narayan Shabd, which is recited with it

I’ve traveled around CA a bit this past month, which has been great, as I’ve been able to continue my practice in some more beautiful places, but also challenging to stick to it amidst travels and other schedules. Siri wants me to help out in Big Bear with her Pilates Intensive in a couple of weeks, so I’ve been trying to fit in a Pilates mat workout nearly every day too; my folding home Reformer has fallen apart, so I can’t really do apparatus workouts on it as well.

Around the time I quit posting daily, I was complaining in therapy about feeling stuck, and the next week was told the director of the clinic had suggested I try anti-depressants. The day that news was given, I hadn’t really had a full meal, had met with a friend in a park for a while to discuss some step-work, and then had done the Fingers of Steel and Har meditations before therapy. My energy was low, but afterwards I felt REALLY angry and depressed! So I’ve mentioned before how sometimes yoga has helped me clear away depression, but these two kriyas weren’t helping at all. I figured I’d try to process the feelings and walk through it for a couple of days, but then after several days of feeling “in a funk” (no James Brown or Parliament here!) I did the set that had helped before, Raising Kundalini No. 2. I realized that the exercise sets help with depression, but the meditations won’t necessarily do the trick. Fingers of Steel and the Har Kriya are really more meditations than exercise sets. A Pilates Mat workout is an exercise set, but more of a combination of a workout and handful of yogic postures executed in a workout fashion. It seems to help stretch and strengthen the body, and get your energy flowing, but it doesn’t seem to offer the more subtle changes I sometimes feel internally from the Kundalini Yoga sets, which probably involve channeling energy through the meridians, chakras, and priming and pumping the glands. While Pilates certainly keeps you in great shape – and I’ve seen it completely heal some serious debilitating medical conditions involving scoliosis and degenerative nerve diseases – it doesn’t seem to affect me at the same deeper level the Kudalini sets do. I don’t think it helps with what might generally just get called “radiance” either, although when your body is balanced and working well, there is a certain amount of glow that shows up too.

So when the cobwebs of depression start sticking all over my thinking, I’ve been remembering to work the exercise sets into my life too, and that helps a lot. I’m not open to antidepressants, and think I’ve placed a lot of value in my ability to counteract the depression through yoga, which is why I think the suggestion angered me so much. I’ve also seen a lot of friends struggle with juggling dosages and types of meds, and sometimes have that lead to electroshock, the aftermath of which I found quite disturbing. Some of the stories I’ve heard about antidepressants are horrifying. Of course, there are lots of people around me being helped by them, some who never talk about it. There are situational causes for depression and biochemical ones; I’d like to think my causes are situational.

Now about my travels.Walker Creek Ranch, Petaluma, CA

This was the less picturesque spot that I did my kriyas one day, along the road, looking over the creek towards this hill below Walker Peak. Hawks circled overhead while I chanted. The next morning I did my sets near this picnic table behind the administrative building, a bit out-of-the-way, so I wouldn’t be interrupted. Deer wandered by, somewhat disinterested. There were many wild turkeys running around too. Here’s a feather one lost.My favorite spot to practice was under these pine trees on the hill above the dorms. I’d practiced here two years ago too, when the turkeys came right through the canopy of pine trees while I was doing my set in the morning fog.The view from the mat:As for the travels; I was at Walker Creek Ranch in Petaluma for nearly a week in early August, for the Quaker Pacific Yearly Meeting. It’s a beautiful location, and I saw and met a lot of great friends there. Deer, turkey, and hawks moseyed by as I did my yoga outdoors there. The days were fairly solidly scheduled from dawn until late night, which I found a bit challenging as I wanted a bit more solitary time.

Joshua Tree Retreat CenterInstitute for Mental PhysicsThis is the location where Bhakti Fest and Shakti Fest West are held. We stayed in the Frank Lloyd Wright dorm this time. I ventured up the hill by what was previously the chapel, where a canopy of trees lines the walkways. I can’t remember which yogi I observed holding court from the bench I chose to do my two kriyas on, but I do remember being impressed by him, so it seemed like a great place to practice. It was so bright out I could barely see the pics my phone was taking. It was also 102 degrees out, and a thunderstorm was threatening, although it never let loose.
This was the main stage at Bhakti Fest. It looked like this before we built a lighting frame and lined it with speakers. A lot of people at Bhakti Fest worked to turn it into a shrine too, and there was a tent over the entire ground ahead of it.By comparison, here we are at Bhakti Fest last fall, unloading and setting up the stage. It was spookily quiet at this summer’s retreat, with the memories of that peak yogic convergence still in my mind nearly a year later.Here’s Guru Ganesh’s band at Bhakti Fest 2013. Krishna Das, Donna DeLory, Jai Uttal, and many others performed too.
So in late July this year, I went to a retreat at the Institute for Mental Physics, aka Joshua Tree Retreat Center. I taught a one-hour morning yoga class there, and was trying to squeeze a bit too many exercises into the time allotted – this was compounded by people coming in for breakfast in the room and talking while we were trying to do yoga and meditation. Only one person had done Kundalini Yoga before; the others had little experience with longer meditations. I taught the Foundation for Infinity set as a warm-up, and then Yoga for Addictions and Compulsive Behavior set. It includes an 18 minute meditation at the end; people couldn’t do for more than five minutes. The friend who’d done Kundalini Yoga before said the meditation was too long. I thought that a bit funny, as we hadn’t even approached a third of it, but there was a bit of truth to his comment, since the people weren’t up to it. Yogi Bhajan has said that we shouldn’t let students tell us how to teach them, but there’s also the reality that if you overwhelm the student, they won’t come back. There are a lot of people I run into on a daily basis who can’t even sit still for three minutes. So I guess I’m grateful I can quiet or focus my mind for 31 minutes for the last few months; sometimes that seems to be the one ideal pause in my day.

Tuesday I got stuck in traffic as I tried to go to see the movie Maleficent in North Hollywood. Heading from beautiful Bronson Canyon Park to Noho, I wasn’t in the best mood as the day ran later and later and missed my intended screening. But that gave me time to find an Indian grocery store to get mung beans, and discovered one next to the place I always take my recycling for refunds. Reasonably priced Hebrew market adjacent to that too, providing some great pita and spices for chai.

Then I looked on the map for a close park, and ended up near one that was almost all soccer fields. Fine, except there wasn’t anyplace especially nice to do yoga. I finally settled on a tree looking over a fenced in lawn. Kinda nasty, but as I did my Fingers of Steel Kriya and Har meditation, I got to watch squirrels and groundhogs and birds frolic in the field.

I sat myself on the far side of this tree to do my kriyas. Even though it’s pretty hot and dry out, it was a bit muddy. But it worked out fine. May the long time sun shine upon you, all love surround you, and the pure light within you… guide your way on… to the movie theater!That night I got to sleep early and woke up in time for sadhana at Golden Bridge. I wasn’t sure if they’d have sadhana while everyone was away at Solstice. I got there a bit late, missed Japji, but caught most of the chanting and interspersed kriyas. A turbaned woman, one of two other attendees, didn’t look too interested in doing the kriyas of Yogi Bhajan recordings during the Wahe Guru Wahe Jeo, and maintained the traditional pose throughout. I was curious to meet the woman who led sadhana but didn’t feel too social. I still wanted to do some more yoga, so I headed to Wattles Park. This is where I’ve done my previous yoga there: But this is the tree I chose Wednesday morning. In Espanola, everyone was doing their second day of White Tantric Yoga. This day turned out to be my big yoga day for the week. As I did my yoga, little bits of pinecones and pine needles dropped on me and my mat. It was early and a few runners and people were out with their dogs. A homeless guy was on the porch of the mansion, and I thought I heard him making some grunting annoyed noises, while I wondered if my chants from the iPhone were annoying him. But I don’t think I was disturbing him. During the day, there have been lots of dog owners on the lawn of the park. This was the view looking down the hill to Hollywood; beyond these trees is a community garden.As my day got busier, I didn’t have time to blog about the sets, so I’m a bit hazy on which I did; I think I did Sat Kriya workout and the meditation to melt negativity. (I’ll have to add pics for that sometime soon) Later, when I got home I finally did then Fingers of Steel and Har meditations.

Later in the day, after eating, I got sort of tired, irritable, and jumpy. But it was a pretty good day, overall.

I continued doing the Fingers of Steel and Har meditations Thursday; I got some hurdles accomplished with a music software project I’ve been chipping away at for ages, turning the enormous books into pdfs with the help of Xerox and USC. A friend helped out greatly in that respect. It felt great to get that done.

Friday I did them again, and began to run around to do some errands. My hips and legs were so sore I could barely run/walk two blocks to the library from where I parked. Then I was stuck in terrible traffic driving around town. I hoped to do a couple sets and my meditations in a small park in Silverlake, but the traffic and parking difficulties didn’t leave much time for it. I ended up doing some Pilates leg circles, Sun Salutations, Bridge/Wheel poses, and then the Fingers of Steel and Har meditations. I was rushing all over that day; the 101 was a parking lot in both directions as I drove over it. But when I headed up near Burbank airport a short time later, I breezed by the jammed traffic in the opposing direction. Nice meeting and dinner with friends that night at Big Boy. I hadn’t had any red meat in a few days. I think it’s becoming less appealing.

Saturday I did Fingers of Steel and Har kriyas again, then played with Brad at Elderberries. Natasha burned her hand badly and I showed her the Ra Ma Da Sa meditation. The next day she said her hand was healed nearly completely. The gig went really well, and they were talking to me about helping “curate” the other music there, or play as a leader instead of a sideman. I’m sort of excited about this possibility. But Saturday evening I went to Target, got some almond milk, and as I was backing out of my parking space, somebody behind me suddenly backed out and hit my car – hard and fast, smashing the tail lights and putting a big dent in the car. We were surprisingly civil with each other, but he wouldn’t admit his fault and even texted later suggesting we “walk away from it” after he did some serious damage to my car and little to his own. Ah well. Insurance claim filed. I’m pretty sure I did the Aad Guray Namay chant right before he hit me. But I couldn’t really remember. It’s pretty much reflex to do it when I fasten my seatbelt now.

Didn’t sleep well last night; woke up too early and tried to go back to sleep instead of sadhana. Then when I got back to sleep, woke up too late and missed the Quaker meeting which I was looking forward to. I’ve been doing a lot of email followup on ride arrangements for people for the upcoming yearly meeting in Marin next month. Later today, another pretty great gig at Elderberries, although the house cleared out while we played and filled up after we finished. Not a good sign. But I got the news today about helping with music there, and they’re asking me to videotape the Ra Ma Da Sa meditation before the next gig Tuesday. We’re discussing having some kirtan in the restaurant – which could be really great as the place has great yogic food offerings and is close to Golden Bridge, also possibly some songwriters I know and maybe some spoken word performers with music.

I did “Har in my car” in the parking lot at Vedanta, and Fingers of Steel under my favorite tree there with a tiny lawn under it. Then at our meditation meeting I did 20 minutes of Karani Kriya, which I hadn’t done for a while. Once again, I’m up late, and it’s looking doubtful I’ll make it to sadhana this morning as I’d hoped earlier. But I caught up on these blog posts. So it goes. Mercury goes direct Tuesday, so I can start signing contracts and traveling safely again, right?

Well, ended up pretty cranky tonight (what else is new?); couldn’t do my yoga before dark like I’d intended to, and then some friends were headed out for late dinner aka fellowship nearly at 10pm, so I headed home instead. I’d had my solstice onion soup, which really isn’t too good when it’s cooked too long; and some more black peppered watermelon. I need to get some more mung beans, but can’t seem to find time when I’m around the places in town that sell them.

I launched into “Firing Up the Metabolism” from Harijot’s “Self Experience” manual. I wanted to exercise my legs before doing the Fingers of Steel Kriya again, because that works the upper body; also needed to cultivate some energy to do the meditations I wanted to do, although it was obviously insane to fire up my metabolism late in the evening after 10pm – might’ve been closer to midnight. As I started it, I got the first two exercises reversed, so I ended up doing one twice as long as you were supposed to. That happened a lot tonight!

I started to do the “Fingers of Steel Kriya” and after nearly completing the first 11 minute tough part, realized it might be a good time to videotape it as well as take images of the postures, which will be added to the last post by the time this post is live. That turned out to be a bit time consuming because the self timer on the camera is easy to forget how to use. Eventually I did it, and am exporting it right now, hopefully in the right format for YouTube. (The last things I uploaded there looked terrible once they’d processed them. Unfortunately I’d already sent the links to the people in them too.)Fingers of Steel Kriya Video:

Afterwards I reshot the “Har” prosperity kriya video with instructions and decent lighting, here it is, but in the end I wasn’t that happy with the encoding – it looks really grainy.

Then I was able to do the Trikutee Kriya (Masters Touch p. 266-267) because I had Japji 30th pauri ready for the meditation. If you’re doing the meditation and would like to hear how it’s pronounced, here’s an mp3 of it by Hari Dharam Kaur Khalsa, from her reading of Nitnem and Japji: http://yoga.destinymanifestation.com/audio/30_Pauri.mp3
I learned japji from reciting it along with her recording; I’ve later grown to love many other more “melodic” versions, although over the years I’ve come to recognize that there is certainly a musicality in her recitation too. It’s really great for learning it because you can hear how to pronounce everything pretty easily. Like a lot of 3HO recordings, I frequently wonder who these people are, whose recordings have occupied so much of my life. One of the nice things about summer solstice was that I met a lot of these people in person. But I’ve never met Hari Dharam.

There are many recordings of japji, but I don’t know any with the pauris separated like I have done; it took quite a bit of work to cut them up in ProTools and figure out where each one started and ended, referring to the various printed versions.

For some reason a few of the lines were tongue twisters tonight. I thought I knew them, but hadn’t been getting some of the syllables right.

Part 1 for 18-1/2 minutes:
Part 2 for 5-1/2 minutes:Then I used Wahe Guru Kaur’s “Wahe Guru Wahe Guru Wahe Jio” for the 8-1/2 minute third section: I can’t say I was really thrilled with this set or meditation tonight. But I didn’t dislike it either. It didn’t feel like it opened my chakras like it claims to, but then I kept looking at the words to the pauri instead of the tip of my nose, which interrupted my concentration and focus.

Today before the Vedanta meditation meeting I was thinking I might respond a bit defensively to someone there, and didn’t want to. Basically I was afraid I’d act like a jerk or be misunderstood. So I did the 11 minute “Meditation for the Fourth Chakra I” from Harijot Kaur’s “Physical Wisdom” manual on the lawn under this beautiful tree next to the temple. During teacher’s training they said if you speak from the heart center, you can’t be misunderstood. Then I walked up to the meeting and saw the person I was concerned about and we exchanged very nice hugs and had a pleasant conversation. I’ve done this meditation many times before, and I think I taught it as part of a group of heart centered sets; I think it’s pretty simple, wonderful, and effective. I usually play Guru Singh’s version of “Hummee Hum Brahm Hum” during it. During the 20 minute silent meditation period, I had figured out I could do the “Fingers of Steel Kriya” that Rishika Subagh was kind enough to send me a while ago. As usual, I felt a bit self-conscious holding my arms up at 60 degrees in the back of the room while everybody else just sat in chairs with their arms on their knees in silence, but it’s my practice, not theirs, and I sit in back to do my best not to distract or annoy anybody. It was a bit challenging, frankly, but worth it. Afterwards – WOW!

I’m thinking tonight I should make this my next 40 day sadhana!

I had some coffee at the end of our jam this afternoon, and that is certainly playing into the way I feel and felt afterwards, but I had a great discussion with a friend discussing script ideas, and was having such a lot of fun and feeling “on” afterwards. My only regret is that when a stunning neighbor whom I hadn’t met before offered to help me unload my music gear by the elevator at my apartment building, I demurred. Ah well.

Here are the instructions for the kriya, as Rishika conveyed them to me. Hopefully I’ll add photos or illustration soon, as I haven’t found this in any manuals yet. She said she learned it from Yogi Bhajan ten years before sending it to me.
Fingers of Steel Kriya3 part Kriya:
19-21 minutes total

1st part
Arms up at 60 degrees, elbows locked, and thumb holds down 3 fingers while your wisdom index finger is extended pointed straight and like steel. hold this position for 11 to 13 minutes
eyes: stare at an object straight ahead
hold and stretch and squeeze to close this part out

2nd part
arms over head with all fingers touching about 6 to 8 inches over halo Arcline – sometimes people can interlace fingers if it helps
eyes: closed
dream meditate etc 5 min
close out: hold and tighten body release

3rd part
arms up but bent at elbows with forearms on top of each other
Right on left for men, reversed for women
arms form a square coming out from shoulders and neck
(somewhat like “I Dream of Jeannie” pose, if ya know what i mean)
eyes: closed
try to think of nothing which is tough
let shoulders stretch forward in order from keeping them from tightening up
3 min think of nothing
when done: tighten squeeze body release

Hug rib cage and swing left to right adjusting rib cage then give yourself a big hug

If in group, hold hands with everybody; if not in group, arms down and pretend to hold hands of Creator, mother universe etc. (you get the picture)
meditate when done

Practice this kriya and you will flow with courage from the heart and the shifts in consciousness will be easy and you will smile. It may take practice however you will bloom like a flower.

Yesterday I headed over by the Rose Bowl, hoping to find a spot I could do my yoga around the golf course behind it. I was headed up to an event at Art Center College of Design later, and remembered there being a nice park or open spaces by the golf course when I drove my aunt around it, or parked ON the golf course during a 4th of July event there. Well, there’s a running track around it, but the golf course is well fenced in, and the “Walk In Cafe” had a pedestrian gate, but it was locked. I got snotty responses from the race walkers when I asked if they knew any openings in the fence, and finally just parked under a tree across from the golf course.

I did the next meditation sitting in the car, the “Meditation to Change Poverty Into Prosperity.” Basically this (p. 260 Master’s Touch) just repeats the 25th pauri of japji for 28 minutes then another 10 minutes, partly chanted, partly listened to silently. I’ve done this meditation many times, and frankly, I’ve grown to think it’s a waste of time. There are many claims that the 25th pauri is the prosperity pauri; another suggestion of Yogi Bhajan is to chant it eleven times during times of extreme financial stress. Well, I can see the point of focusing on God as the source of all good and bad in our lives, but I think it’d be more worthwhile to chant that in English. I’ve memorized this pauri, and never had any tangible results from it.

For the last 40 days I’ve been chanting a “prosperity kriya,” and talking about any signs that it might be working, but it’s interesting to recall that I didn’t come to Kundalini Yoga expecting miracle prosperity cures. In fact, that’s sort of far afield from what I was looking for. But it’s certainly sidetracked me, as have many of the “promises” in various meditations and kriyas. I read somewhere there were various reasons people come to do yoga, and one of them was to acquire wealth. That might be in Patanjali’s Sutras, I don’t remember, but I was surprised to see that listed.

In high school, 1979-80, we had a teacher who taught us Hatha Yoga, a student of Yogi Shanti Desai. That was my ticket into this crazy party. Earlier attempts to interest me in yoga were met with my complete disinterest. But suddenly I somehow wanted to know about Kundalini Yoga, and there was no place to find out information. On another front, the other kids were starting to be sexually active, and I didn’t want to just get laid, I wanted to know about tantra! It was harder to learn about the latter, but not as difficult as finding anything worthwhile about Kundalini Yoga. Most people thought my interests a bit weird, but I was at an off-beat hippie high school, and with other classmates living in teepees, wigwams, cabins, and even art school lockers, my interests were not subjected to much wider scrutiny. (Yes, you read that right – living in art lockers. Which was sort of cool!) I found Swami Sivananda Radha’s “Kundalini Yoga For the West,” but it’s pretty much a worthless pile of gibberish and doesn’t explain any yoga sets to do.

I discovered Kundalini Yoga years later, one night in the early 1990’s when I was depressed, walking around Manhattan, and wandered into the Open Center’s bookstore, where I found one of Ravi Singh’s manuals. My depression lifted, and it wasn’t long before I was somewhat fanatical about practicing it. But I couldn’t afford classes at that time. I took a couple, but was quite happy practicing on my own. I started doing Kundalini Yoga to make my body feel better.

So yesterday, I was frustrated that I felt like my body needed some physical yoga and I was doing this stupid meditation that I’d learned from experience was worthless. Along the same lines, the Aad Guray Namay mantra is supposed to be recited before you start your car for protection from accidents. Once I was continuing to chant it while driving when I got rear-ended by another driver, who turned out to be uninsured. I still chant it when I start my car. Am I stupid? Perhaps. There’s the usual new age spiritual argument; it’s probably my bad karma; it probably would’ve been a horrible accident if I hadn’t been chanting that, etc. There’s also a story about several people who get a huge amount of wealth, but one gets a small amount, and it turns out it’s because his karma from his previous life meant he owed somebody a lot of money and didn’t pay them. Blah blah blah.

So obviously, I have a huge karmic debt from my previous life. Either that, or I’m really out-of-touch with reality and putting a huge amount of energy into yogic meditations instead of practical activity that might lead to earning more. To me, prosperity isn’t just about greed, it’s about the ability to contribute to the world and participate fully in it, and the ability to support myself is a part of that. Blowing an hour doing a meditation that doesn’t do anything is barely a step above watching trash on TV.

The meditation is supposed to have a break in the middle; I did a few sun salutations. After it, you’re supposed to do some Bhangra dancing; I did, for a few minutes, on my mat next to the car, with my mat in the dirt. Those both helped my state of mind a bit.

Well, as my skepticism bolstered, and my mind kept digging up evidence of past paltry results, I tried to focus on gratitude; I HAD found a nice shady spot to park in, it was a nice day, I got a ticket to an event which I thought had sold out, etc. That focus kept getting challenged, however.

I got to the event, and although many of these events have nice catered food beforehand, there was just chips, nuts, and soda. The headhunter who sponsored the event was rather stand-offish, and while I’d seen a webpage where they encourage people to submit portfolios, she said they weren’t accepting any. It was so noisy in the lobby I could barely talk to or hear her. The meditation really didn’t leave me feeling at all out-going either. The presentation wasn’t too remarkable. By the time I left I felt like I’d wasted my evening. But – oh boy – I found a box of pencils some art student had dropped in the parking lot. They apparently cost $12.60, but I like to write with pens, thank you very much. True, the view from the hill was spectacular and I had a nice drive back, exploring another road through the hills between La Canada and Glendale.

I got an enormous watermelon on the way home at a dumpy Vons Grocery store in Glendale near Atwater Village; the manager was grumpy; the cashier seemed to be too, but I tried to be friendly, and I think she appreciated that and seemed happier afterwards.

So – today. Happy Summer Solstice, huh? My body was feeling really crummy and run-down this morning when I got up, but after I ate a big slab of watermelon, I felt much better. I felt significantly better after I did some physical yoga again.

The “Seat of Power” set had actually sort of aggravated my neck and shoulder a bit; I must’ve been using those muscles to do the plough poses instead of my “powerhouse” as we call the abs/hips in Pilates. They’re still bugging me a bit, even after doing the 7th Gate Set again, this time for the full suggested durations of each exercise.

I just looked at my calendar again, and realized 3HO’s Solstice festivities start TODAY, not last Saturday. I guess all the White Tantric Yoga will happen AFTER solstice this year. Today is peace prayer day. The first year I worked there, I tuned Marshall Rosenberg’s guitar before he received the Peace Award, but had no idea who he was. I arrogantly felt a bit snide that he didn’t know how to tune it himself. Since then I’ve come across his name and principles again and again, in use with the Alternatives to Violence Program (AVP) and being taught in Santa Cruz above the Quaker Meeting House there. Whether he could tune his guitar or not, he’s done a lot to help people communicate effectively, and it’s sure not worth judging him on his music education.

As tonight wore on, I discovered my cranky negativity melting away, and my interactions with people seemed to have that bizarre magnetic intensity that can only be brought on by this 7th Gate Set; almost as if I’m communicating with people’s spirit, but the words we’re exchanging don’t really matter that much. I went to a mime performance with my 86 year old neighbor. She asked how I was, and I responded, “sort of cranky!” She asked if she should leave me alone then, as we were driving in her car down the freeway, and I said, “absolutely not – you’re cheering me up.” The performance at the Frida Kahlo Theater had wonderfully evocative improvised music by Geoff Hartmann with Annie Liu on Chinese Zither. Asian music has not particularly moved me in the past, but it did tonight. Rick Shope, a former student of Marcel Marceau and former longtime educator at JPL, runs participatory mime science education workshops for kids, currently at the Whittier Narrows Nature Center – a program called EcoVoices. We talked at length with the performers and founder of the theater, a former dance classmate of my neighbor, who’s built the beautiful little theater almost from the ground up.

Now, again, it’s gotten late, and I wonder whether to change to another meditation since I’ve done 40 days of “Har” and aired my skepticism of meditation for prosperity again. I have another potential meditation in mind, but until I’m sure, I may as well do Har for one more day and call it a night.

Tonight went to see “Edge of Tomorrow” 3D using my prosperity theater gift card. Doncha love my 3D glasses? Although I’m not modeling them as worn, doubled on top of my regular glasses. I hadn’t seen a 3D movie using these newer technologies; for somebody who’d been sort of “in” with the techies when 3D was first being advanced for CGI in the 80’s, I feel a bit “out of the loop.” Ah well. The last time I saw a 3D movie I think it was “Kiss Me Kate” 3D in the mid ’80’s with the cyan and red lenses in paper frames and ridiculous dancers jumping out of the screen at you. I guess the screening of “Chinatown” last night, introduced by Robert Towne, with commentary by Mulholland’s grand-daughter Christine, at the Egyptian Theater, was a bit more my speed, and a wonderful suggestion by the charming Friend who accompanied me. The cars they were driving in the film didn’t seem that much older than the one I drive. Great to see it on a big screen, with the classic Jerry Goldsmith score, although all the banter about the horrible score that got discarded made me curious to hear it too.Got home late, and really sorta wanted to just “check out” some more, but decided to stick to my yoga commitment and did “The Seat of Power” from Ravi Singh‘s “Kundalini Yoga for Strength, Success, and Spirit” manual. This is arranged as 4 short kriyas that can be practiced independently or combined with short kriyas for other things; for instance, there’s another section for the heart center following this one. These four are not altogether different from the longer navel power set in another manual of his, although there are a couple exercises that’re not in that set. I’ve been feeling like I’m having trouble following through on things lately and getting easily sidetracked from my supposed “priorities,” so a navel center set seemed in order, although perhaps better planned earlier in the day. They say you’re not supposed to do breath of fire late at night because it wakes you up, but then they say insomnia can be caused by a weak or out-of-balance navel center too. What’s a person to do? I used to hate all these leg lifts, but tonight kind of welcomed them. Tomorrow is day 40 of uninterrupted daily 11 minute “Har” meditations, so I didn’t want to skip that tonight, and did it after the navel set. The Master’s Touch 25th Pauri “Meditation to Change Poverty Into Prosperity” is up next too; I’ve done that meditation tons of times, but didn’t remember that you’re supposed to do Bhangra dancing afterwards. It’s a bit late for that tonight.

I’m realizing I’d really hoped to spend a good portion of this week doing some serious yoga on my own since I couldn’t get to Espanola for summer solstice or IKYTA conference or Peace Prayer Day, but there’ve been other good things happening this week instead. However I feel like I’ve been sloughing off on any serious yoga the last few days too. I’ve found it often seems more challenging when doing a 40 day kriya sadhana as you approach the 40th day. Often that’s when I want to quit most, although that wasn’t my experience today. I did cook up the onion soup; need to get some mung beans since I seem to have eaten the ones I had, and some watermelon too!

Coupla days diverted by other pursuits, but forced myself to at least do 11 minutes of Sat Kriya and 11 minutes of the “Har” meditation each day. The first day, the Sat Kriya had a definite instant impact, and I felt it realigning and focusing my scattered energy. This morning I was having trouble staying focused and present with them, as I was running late and scrambling to get a bunch of things in order before I shot out the door, but somehow despite the distractions, it helped.

I’m also finding the “Healing the Wounds of Love” chant to be helpful throughout the day, and now really enjoy it.

I plan to find time for more energetic sets tomorrow. I’m wishing I was in Espanola at Summer Solstice, and have the ingredients for the solstice onion soup waiting to be cooked up in the kitchen.

Got home tonight, and was feeling a bit depressed, I guess; news of a friend’s father’s unsuccessful lung cancer surgery tapped into some grief of my own. I find myself sharing about my father’s death with friends who’re dealing with cancer that appears life threatening, then realizing they’re struggling for life with cancer and I’m responding with stories of death from it, which might not be the most helpful response. Also found myself irritated by another person’s report of his serious yoga practice, and his disinterest in my sharing of my own. I’m still trying to decipher why I find him so irritating, but I suspect there are facets of my own behavior that bother me in him.

I’m also seeing how often people simply have no interest in Kundalini Yoga, and I try to bring it to the table in other religious or spiritual contexts where it isn’t welcome. Most of my non-yoga friends on Facebook probably have no interest in it; same with most Quakers, who are simply disinterested in my yogi chai tea, etc. – I’m planning to go to Pacific Yearly Meeting with them, instead of Summer Solstice with the Kundalini Yogis, where my interest would be shared and celebrated. I go to Quaker meeting because I treasure the silence and values, but I could be going to Gurdwara at the same time with the other Yogis. Some friends who’ve had deep interest in yoga think Yogi Bhajan was a shuckster; it seems there’s a lot of snobbery between the various Hatha forms. When I practice Kundalini exclusively, I sometimes feel like I’m not really learning YOGA – especially after taking Dharma Mitra’s class at Bhaktifest and realizing how little the Kundalini training had given me in terms of hatha practice. That’s all the chatter of my ego, and then I’ll do a KY set and feel my state of consciousness transformed by it, and it quiets down.

Well, I started the practice tonight with the Har meditation. I got the rather strange gift in the mail of a check from NYS Tax board – an unexpected refund check following the payments I’d been making on a long forgotten tax debt from 24 years ago. It seems they over-deducted the payments. That was truly unexpected.

Trying to choose a set from Harijot’s Self Knowledge manual, I considered the Power to Win Number 2 set, or a variety of others, but it was late, and a lot of them involved pounding on the floor, or flailing about like a frying fish, and I know from experience this has bothered previous neighbors downstairs. I considered the Conquering Depression set, but ruled it out for the reasons just mentioned as well.I settled on “Challenge the Ego in You” which I’m not sure I’ve done before. I was feeling much better just a little ways into it. I often get leg cramps while sitting on my heels, and celebate pose is often pretty hard on my legs & knees as well. Then there are 108 frogs, which I might be feeling tomorrow. I listened to a portion of a recording of “Yoga Sutras of Patanjali: The Book of the Spiritual Man” (Charles Johnston version/Libravox/Maggie Russell) from YouTube. That was on the reading list for teacher training, although Golden Bridge sold the Isherwood version, and it was never even mentioned during the training, which seemed quite odd. I actually learned a bit about them from one of Wayne Dyer’s books & lectures, which got me interested in reading them again.

I followed the 19 minute relaxation with “Meditation to Experience the Essence of a Teacher” (Master’s Touch p. 241) and used a Guru Prem “Ong Namo Guru Dev Namo” from the White Tantric Yoga Vol. 2 collection – a wonderful assortment of 3HO recordings I bought at Summer Solstice in 2004. I don’t have Gurdev Mata, so I just read the words in Master’s Touch. Combined with the Patanjali, these meditations got me thinking about self-purification and some of the objectives of yogic practice in the first place, which I often arrogantly disregard out of plain obstinance. Then I’ve been considering the aspects of my own life which I’d consider deal-breakers from potential relationship partners, and how I might change them in myself.

Next I did the next “Blessing” meditation, in 3 parts, from Master’s Touch, p. 247. It calls for “Reality, Prosperity, and Ecstasy” by Nirinjan Kaur, which I sounded familiar, but I didn’t think I had it. Then I Googled it and found out it’s really called “Prosperity Hymn” and Guru Prem is credited on it in the same White Tantric Yoga CD I just mentioned. The Nirinjan Kaur Humee Hum Brahm Hum was used several years in different White Tantric Yoga sessions; I have this memory of the eerie funky arrangement going on and on for hours. I didn’t have a recording of it though; however Sikhnet did.I found it surprisingly challenging to maintain the first mudra for it.

Then I decided to try the “Meditation for Upliftment” again (p. 236) and found Matamandir Singh’s wonderful recording of the 20th Pauri, Bharia Hath, also on Sikhnet.

Last time I’d just listened to all of Japji since I didn’t have my separate MP3 files of the various pauris when I did the meditation. It was helpful to have the words of Japji too, since I didn’t recall them hearing them in Matamandir’s context, although I’d chanted them many times in Japji at Sadhana. My experience of the meditation was much better this time, and found it more… uplifting? And a couple of hours later, once again I find myself crashing from it – last time I suspected it might be blood sugar, but this time it might be simple tiredness.

Last night I had quasi hallucinogenic dreams in some weird place that had shades of adolescent rebellion, modernist condominium lofts, swabs under tongues that had us (I don’t quite remember who “us” was) flying around these caves that seemed to be at the Huntington Library Gardens, and there were police chasing somebody else, and lava flowing through the tunnels. Amidst all this I found myself thinking “Oh, this is what Ayahuasca is all about, but I haven’t vomited yet…” It didn’t seem like a nightmare when I woke up, much too early, but I wasn’t well rested either. So I hope that isn’t in store again tonight.

Overall, I find myself wondering if I’ve been devoting too much time to the yoga and meditations when I perhaps should be updating resumes, portfolios, and job hunting since freelance work has been less and less rewarding and profitable. Where do I draw the line between spiritual thirst, practice, and practical procrastination? I recall, years ago, trying to print the whole Siri Guru Granth at a full time job on their laser printer, draining the toner cartridge because I hadn’t noticed that it’s over 2500 pages long. It seemed from the start I was obsessively drawn to this Kundalini Yoga thing, even when it adversely affected relationships or jobs. Ah well.

Out on the street, the police are stopping a car with noisy instructions through their megaphone, and I should be headed to bed. Solstice is coming up next Saturday; since I’m not going to Espanola, the Wright Ranch in Malibu has often been a good backup plan, but I’ve agreed to go see this mime with my neighbor that night, and can’t do both. They do an American Indian Medicine Wheel ritual there; I’ve done my yoga practice at the center of the mandala beforehand in the past, yet another place where my yoga practice isn’t unwelcome, but isn’t welcomed or understood. Ah well. I don’t particularly feel their ritual to be life changing either, but the location is spectacular beyond belief, and that is life changing in itself.