A Prayer Before Ramadan

I remember the Ramadans before I got married. How they would be filled with night prayers, reading Qur’an, supplications in the dead of night.

And I remember the Ramadan two months after I gave birth to my twin daughters, and I cry. That must have been my worst Ramadan ever, in my scale.

And I remember the Ramadan when my girls were one year old, and it wasn’t much of a Ramadan for me, either.

And I remember last year, when my girls were two years old. Nothing to be proud of.

Oh, Allah. How I wish this Ramadan will be better than the last few years’. I’m so confused. I want to make You happy. I want to really get the essence of Ramadan and why it was prescribed for us, and pass it on to my daughters. Because now I know, as a mother of young kids, that it’s not just about reading Qur’an all day and praying all night, because I can’t do that anymore, and You promised You wouldn’t burden anyone with more than they could bear.

Oh, Allah. I’m not able to think how I’m going to worship You the best way this Ramadan, with two little girls who demand so much of me. I can’t stay up all night praying and then sleep on the couch all day ignoring my girls. I can’t push them away so I can read Qur’an for hours on end.

Oh, Allah. You know what the best way for a mother to worship in Ramadan is. Please let me know, too.

Asiya Akyurt

Asiya Akyurt lives in Virginia with her husband and twin daughters. She is an active MAS member with an ijaza (certificate) in Qur’anic recitation and tajweed, and enjoys teaching, interpreting and translating.