Jewish Secrets of Success

How to attain true self-esteem.

The importance of self-esteem is not debatable. The renowned psychologist Dr. Abraham Maslow lists self-esteem at the top of man's hierarchy of needs -- behind only food, shelter and interpersonal relationships.

How we attain that respect is another issue.

Western society's focus on external accomplishment decreases the chance of developing genuine self-esteem.

Western man looks to external accomplishments for self-respect, driven by a need to achieve what others will recognize as status symbols. He will readily identify himself by his profession or career. "I'm a stockbroker, a vice president of marketing, a Harvard graduate." If others are impressed, it reassures us that we're important.

But this focus on external accomplishment implants an intense fear of failure. We're afraid that if no one is impressed, what will happen to our self-esteem? The house of cards we've built will collapse.

Each time Jack parks his Lexus (complete with the supple leather interior), in his driveway, he feels he's "made it."

A year later, Jack's model is outdated and the neighbors are no longer impressed. His facade collapses, his self-esteem is crushed. What now?

EVOLUTION AND THE BATTLE FOR SELF-ESTEEM

Evolution teaches that a human is simply a sophisticated form of animal, with no more or less intrinsic value than any another creature, be it a cat or a worm.

The underlying message is that a human has no inherent source of self-esteem. Rather he needs tangible accomplishments to feel "successful." What tremendous pressure!

If "success" is our only ticket to self-respect, then many of us will never get there. And those with the good fortune to achieve such "success" will always live in fear of losing it through circumstances beyond their control. We may have all the talent in the world, but we can end up tripping on the pavement and missing the interview!

Man is created with a soul, a divine spark of God. Self-respect is a birthright.

Judaism starts with the premise that each human being is created in the image of God. With such a lofty starting point, self-respect is therefore every human's birthright.

Many mitzvot in Judaism guide us how to treat other people. These are based on the recognition that man has inherent dignity and self-worth -- regardless of whether or not he has "accomplished" anything of significance.

EFFORT VERSUS RESULTS

"According to the effort is the reward." (Talmud - Pirkei Avot 5:27)

In Judaism, it is the struggle, not the achievement of a goal, that matters. Because the final outcome anyway rests in the hands of the Almighty.

A person can thus succeed by winning a moral struggle, even if there are no tangible results.

But effort is difficult to quantify, so in our materialistic world we tend to disregard its value.

You are watching two people compete in a 100-meter dash. One runs a world record time of 9.3 seconds. The other crosses the finish line in 30 seconds.

Who attained success? The record breaker of course!

Except that the one who clocked 30 seconds had developed polio as a child, was unable to walk until he was 14-years-old, and had invested years of painful, grueling exercise until he was finally able to even run the distance.

We can never measure anyone's value based on external success, because we can never know the circumstances he has had to deal with.

Never measure anyone's value based on external success, because you don't know his set of circumstances.

We are born into a particular set of circumstances, as determined by God. We only have control over the effort that we exert. How we deal with our particular circumstances determines whether we are a success. Where we stand on the ladder is less important than how many rungs we've climbed.

Self-esteem comes from knowing you're making the effort to grow. If we're making our best effort, we can live with a deep and abiding sense of satisfaction.

A TALMUDIC TALE

Eliezer was the son of Hurkanas, a leading rabbi of his generation and a very wealthy man.

Eliezer was plowing on the mountain, and he began to cry. His father said: "Why are you crying? If it's hot up on the mountain, I'll move you down to the plain." So Eliezer began to plow in the plain, and cried there too.

"Why are you crying?" Hurkanas asked.

"I want to learn Torah," said Eliezer. He cried until Elijah the Prophet came and told him to go to Jerusalem and seek out Rebbe Yochanan Ben Zakkai, the greatest sage of his generation.

Eliezer went to Jerusalem -- and you guessed it -- started crying: "I want to learn Torah."

Rebbe Yochanan Ben Zakkai asked: "Didn't they even teach you to say the Shema?"

"Nope."

And so the great sage, Rebbe Yochanan Ben Zakkai, taught Eliezer the ABCs of Judaism. Then he said, "Very good, Eliezer. We were successful. Now it's time for you to go."

Eliezer started crying: "I want to learn more Torah."

So Rebbe Yochanan Ben Zakkai taught Eliezer the Five Books of Moses and the Oral Law. After this, Rebbe Yochanan said, "Eliezer, it is time for you to go."

Eliezer cried: "I want to learn more Torah!"

And so it went. Then one day, Eliezer was sitting and learning Torah in the back of the study hall. Unexpectedly, his father Hurkanas walked in. At which point, Rebbe Yochanan Ben Zakkai told Eliezer to move to the front and recite his Torah aloud.

After Eliezer had finished, Hurkanas stood up, and beaming with pride, said: "Eliezer, at first I wanted to give my property to all of my sons but you. But now I am going to give everything I have to you and you alone!"

Eliezer replied, "My father, if I wanted gold and silver, I would have stayed working on the farm. All I want is Torah." And Rabbi Eliezer Ben Hurkanas went on to become the leader of his generation, and the teacher of the great Rebbe Akiva.

THE LESSON UNFOLDS

There are many difficulties with this story.

1. How could it be that Hurkanas, a great rabbi and wealthy man, did not teach his son Torah?

2. Why did Hurkanas make his son do the menial labor of plowing? He could have hired other workers to plow, and given his son a supervisory position.

3. Why did Elijah the Prophet tell Eliezer to go learn basic Judaism from such an esteemed sage as Rebbe Yochanan ben Zakkai? Any intermediate yeshiva student could have done that!

There is only one answer to explain all of these difficulties. Eliezer had a head made of straw. He was extremely slow.

Of course, Hurkanas hired teachers for his son! But even the best teacher couldn't get Shema into the thick head of Eliezer! So what is a father supposed to do with such a son? Make him a foreman? No way! Give him a plow. At least he'll be productive.

But Eliezer cried: "I want to learn Torah!" The only one left who stood a chance of getting through to Eliezer was the leader of the generation, Rebbe Yochanan Ben Zakkai.

Rebbe Yochanan struggled and achieved a major accomplishment: He taught Eliezer the basics. And when Eliezer cried for more, Rebbe Yochanan realized it had worked once, maybe he could teach him more. And so it went, until Eliezer became one of the greatest scholars of his generation.

You have to want it so badly that you will cry for it.

From all of this we see that even the slowest of the slow can achieve greatness. The secret? You have to want it so badly that you will cry for it. This was the merit of Rabbi Eliezer Ben Hurkanas.

SUCCESS IS A GIFT FROM GOD

"Each and every Jew should strive to become as great as Moses."
-- Maimonides, Laws of Teshuva 5:2

Obviously, not all of us are born with the intelligence, character and leadership qualities of Moses. So how can we be expected to become as great as Moses?

If you make the effort, you will find results. (Talmud - Megillah 6b)

What do we mean by "find results?" Why not just say, "If you try, you'll see results"?

The answer is that effort and results are not cause and effect. Reaching great heights does not depend upon our natural talents and capabilities. Effort is our responsibility, but results are a "find" -- a gift from God. And God will give us whatever we need to succeed.

Potential for greatness is unlimited when we have the power of the Almighty behind us.

The Jewish people are called the "children of God" (Deut. 14:1, Talmud - Pirkei Avot 3:18). Just as a father naturally wants to give everything good to his children, so too God wants us to have all that is good.

Here's the real secret of success: Regardless of our mortal limitations, our potential for greatness is unlimited when we have the power of the Almighty behind us.

Visitor Comments: 76

(72)
Stephanie,
November 13, 2014 6:41 AM

Encouraging

I found the following portions of the text to be encouraging:"According to the effort is the reward." (Talmud - Pirkei Avot 5:27)"In Judaism, it is the struggle, not the achievement of a goal, that matters. Because the final outcome anyway rests in the hands of the Almighty."

(71)
Zsolt,
September 17, 2014 1:33 AM

as a collective

Perhaps one addition to this very inspirational article.As we frequently see Jews are never judged as individuals, but only as a collective.And our phenomenal strength, survival against all odds has always come from our collective effort, our mutually complementing bond.Together we are strong and unbreakable as "a bundle of reeds".

(70)
Enyi,
September 11, 2014 8:13 AM

Inspired

I have a tricky test to take this afternoon for a dream job I applied for. I'm so happy I read this wonderful piece by the beloved Rabbi Noah Weinberg. His wisdom still shines through and speaks as clearly as he did in the days of his mortal life. Truly blessed by this.

(69)
Dan,
July 30, 2014 6:19 PM

Truly Inspirational

Rabbi Noah, Thank you for the great writing & insight. I like the meaning of self-esteem derived from the origin of God's image & the struggles we overcome by faith in him. The parable of Eliezer has helped me to refocus & remember God wants my best & he does the rest. Blessings to you.

(68)
Louis,
September 8, 2013 7:24 AM

inspiration

GOD the true road to success

(67)
Hannah,
May 24, 2013 2:13 AM

I'm one of the many teenage girls who struggles with self-esteem and I'm curious to see what Judaism-- my religion-- says on the matter. According to this article we need to try...but try what? Try to become better versions of ourselves? Try to become closer to G-d? Try to think more highly of ourselves? I've been relentlessly searching for some "advice" on how to think better of myself and I am desperately trying to find Jewish connections to make to this journey I've embarked upon. What exactly are we supposed to "try" to do?

Carolyn,
June 4, 2013 11:50 PM

keep trying, never lose faith, answers come

Keep trying, never lose faith, answers come in ways you cant imagine. Our ability to find answers has limits, G-d's does not and he sustains us. Everyday of life demonstrates this as I have been on the path to conversion and have struggled every step the way. I do everything I can with what I have and find that after I've exhausted every possible option, I have to let it go, it is out of my hands. I always tell everyone that no matter what, I always get what I need. It comes in the most amazing ways, things you don't think possible. I do feel the judgment of others and I know they are clueless, and their harshness is simply blindness to the effort and what I can see. If I stopped and told them the miracles and experiences that happen all the time I think it would humble them, but that would be unkind and is not my intention. I just look at them and wish they could see me differently but their perspective is from this world's view, not the one to come. Faith is all I have, but for me it is a never fail solution, so I just keep going, and all of sudden the answer comes and I just smile and say thank you..

Eoghan,
May 15, 2014 11:03 PM

I just love your way of thinking just like mine im sorry for mailing you but something in mind told me to do it which is weird cause i dont usely do this but il get straight to the point i would love to get to no you if it works ............

(66)
Nnamdi Jane,
December 2, 2012 11:49 AM

This is just an answer to my prayers. Thank u

Of a truth,esteem is not based on ones' success so far.

(65)
Tiffany Cherise Wiggins,
November 11, 2012 2:06 PM

This is so inspiring and encouraging! Thanks!

(64)
Jane DeNight,
September 21, 2012 1:03 PM

I am interested in Jewish life philosophy

The wisdom of the jews inspires me.

(63)
Markus Hurtig,
August 23, 2012 3:42 PM

The Land of Promise

My mtdna-test pointed to jewish motherline. I've always been interested in Jews and Judaism, I am also a great friend of the State of Israel.

(62)
Alex,
August 12, 2012 4:23 PM

To become a Jew

To become a Jew, all you need do is share both the faith and fate of Jews. That is how I became one, and I have tremendous success to show for it.

johnny,
October 10, 2012 11:33 AM

please tell me the secret,and show me how

great philosophy

(61)
jess,
April 2, 2012 12:47 PM

Wisdom

Thank you for making it so simple and easy to follow.

(60)
goura,
April 1, 2012 4:14 PM

Bless you Israel

(59)
Antony CRUZ,
March 13, 2012 11:25 PM

Awesome

I always wonder how Jews are the key people in the world. May be its because they are the children of God...I dont know why but I love Jewish people and the state of Israel..I wish I could serve in IDF...
With love to all Jewish people from Bangalore, INDIA
Thanks,
Antony Cruz

Self esteem is very important because then your not easily swayed by others. If you are confident with the person you are, most likely, you will not give into pressures from others.

(55)
Anonymous,
July 4, 2011 3:20 AM

Lifted my day

Thank you aish!

(54)
Freida,
June 22, 2011 6:43 PM

Way up!

My self-esteem, that is.
Really a terrific article.
Thanks so much.

(53)
Susan,
June 22, 2011 12:34 PM

I also suffer from low self-esteem

but my all encompassing love of God keeps me going.
This article has given me the courage to recognize my many accomplishments as a gift from God and has helped me to respect myself.

(52)
Vivian,
June 21, 2011 1:07 PM

Sooo Beautiful!

I have not read an article that would move me to tears like this one. I believe it's because I have very low self-esteem and this article has helped me to feel better about myself and G-d. I have more love and appreciation for our heavenly Father due to this article.
Thank you.

(51)
F. Pruefer,
April 18, 2011 10:00 PM

Jewish Wisdom

Thanks Rabbi Noah Weinberg for sharing this lessons.

Peter Wolf,
June 21, 2011 6:31 PM

Thank you G-d for our treasure

Thank you G-d for giving us Rav Noach. Another one of his children, getting to learn from him still. I miss him so.

(50)
michael,
February 21, 2011 2:09 PM

pure wisdom

Rabbi , i have benefited a lot from your wisdom

(49)
tope,
January 13, 2011 12:03 PM

good lesson

your lesson is very good and inspiring. I have learnt few things from it.
thanks.

(48)
Paul,
January 3, 2011 6:27 PM

Thanks Rabbi it's inspiring a lot

(47)
Dave,
August 18, 2010 8:22 PM

Nice

Indeed God will give discernment and more to anyone truly asking for. One love

(46)
Anonymous,
August 10, 2010 5:14 AM

Great article

this is a great article by Rabbi Weinberg of blessed memory. This inspire me to strive hard in life. Thank you rabbi.

(45)
,
June 25, 2010 11:37 AM

Thank you rabbi, it really encourages me

I am christiant from Indonesia, but what you have written here is really waking me up about how we should rely on God. Thank you.

(44)
baraqiel,
June 14, 2010 4:57 AM

i try to understand

i try to learn and understand ,how it' running in my life

(43)
ross,
June 6, 2010 10:04 AM

Though I am a Moslem, but I like this article. So arouse. Many thanks Aish.

(42)
Rachel Johnson,
May 17, 2010 2:52 AM

Great

Great article. Good job

(41)
indiran,
May 14, 2010 7:02 PM

my life will get better...

hi am hindu but from now on am going to follow this page..thank u.

(40)
Anonymous,
February 8, 2010 12:35 AM

A random find.

I'm a muslim, who randomly found this page. Although I am not very familiar with any mitzvot or talmudic tales, I found this helpful and very insightful.
Thank you.

(39)
Célio R. Jr.,
December 22, 2009 4:22 PM

Precious messages.

I thank Hashem every day of my life for the precious messages of Aish.com. I'll send this message to all my friends, family and all the people I come to know.
Rabbi Noah Weinberg was a great scholar, and I'm sure he wrote this message to show to us all that well, we can be great scholars like him.
Hashem bless you all.

(38)
Anonymous,
August 17, 2009 12:12 PM

A find

I really needed to read this... Thanks, Aish!!

(37)
ramzi,
September 11, 2008 3:16 AM

this short article is pretty good,and the most faithfull word is that greatness most be unlimited,and that it's on a peak,that we have to strive to reach and to gain the treasures which are hidden on it's top.

(36)
grant,
September 1, 2008 1:19 PM

I want to learn.

Desire will become its own self-fullfilling prophecy. Focus is unwavering. Nocham ish Gamtzu.
Great Story about Yochhanan ben Zachai, Eliezer ben Hurkanas, and Akiva ben MaHallalel.
Thank-you. grant

(35)
Mordy Hoffman,
April 15, 2007 12:44 AM

Thoughts about my Appreciation

I loved this article, and appreciated Aish Hatorah for setting the site up. I just turned 15 and I'm looking into Yeshivas for Israel next year. I'm not even close to collage yet, but taking less than 4 minutes to read this article really made an impact on my night. I'm thankful for you, your wonderful organization and Rabbi Noah Weinberg, ( who is a Rabbi I can only hope to meet someday,) for reading and listening to everyone's thoughts.

(34)
lee smith,
April 1, 2007 12:45 AM

I am comforted

This article comforted me greatly. I have faced many struggles and failures in my life even when I have worked as hard as I can. This article has brought me comfort in that it assures me That G-D sees my efforts and that my reward will be from Him. Thank you

(33)
Rob van Dijk,
August 6, 2006 12:00 AM

Rabbi, your kind words and thoughts fill my heart with love time after time, what a gift you are to this generation! Pure chesed!

(32)
Anonymous,
July 26, 2006 12:00 AM

Success Secrets

My mentor taught me to have written goals, visualise clearly the outcome you require, then let go and let G-d. The journey itself will provide the necessary resourses. Just stay focused on the goal and enjoy the daily journey!

(31)
Anonymous,
June 21, 2006 12:00 AM

Jewish Thought?

This little article has thouroughly inspired me. Is this typical of Jewish thought? Born with a divine spark, self-respect is a birthright!?!! I'm not a jew and so what. Where can I learn more of THIS line of spiritual belief. Never has something resonated so completely within me!

(30)
Stephen Tucker,
September 20, 2005 12:00 AM

Great perspective our struggle to achieve

We sometimes see others that have achieved great worldly success with what seems to be little effort. We all should now realize that it is the effort itself which makes us winners in life regardless of how much G-d blesses us for them.

(29)
JOSEPH PURCELL,
September 6, 2005 12:00 AM

IAM EXCITED ABOUT WHAT I HAVE READ

ALL THIS GIVES ME MORE REASON TO KEEP TRYING AND DONT GIVE UP

(28)
kathryn antonson,
July 20, 2005 12:00 AM

thank you for your encourgment it has setting me free from deep pain from the past of rejection and loss thank you it helps me to go for it istead of giving up

thank you for your srmond they are life giving and thank you i look for forward of each day going to my coumpter to read the wisdom that you have i an jewish beliver and i thank the lord for you all sicerly kathy antoson

(27)
bernard gozali/wu,
April 7, 2005 12:00 AM

wisdom

i love the article that you have posted for me to read. im interested to know more of the wisdom then learning what external success shows in most people :) God Bless You always..

(26)
Anonymous,
February 6, 2005 12:00 AM

self esteem

Thank you for the beautiful article on self esteem. My daughter has been struggling with her own self esteem since her teen age years.I think this will help her tremendously.

(25)
wilson,
September 10, 2004 12:00 AM

potential for success

i really enjoyed the article about god that takes care of us,but why is that the so much sufference in the world?and those who are successful create resentment and envy in other peoples eyes?should we call it injustice or bad luck?

(24)
Richard Stachowski,
September 10, 2002 12:00 AM

Many thanks for your words of wisdom. I will copy them and seek to master them. Richard Stachowski

(23)
Charlene B,
July 11, 2002 12:00 AM

thank you

Thank you, Rabbi Noah Weinberg for your works. I was uplifted and inspired. As soon as my son arrives home from school I am going to share this article and Talmudic tale with my son. Some people do have to swim a little harder. And nothing is impossible with the Almighty.

(22)
Mary,
July 7, 2002 12:00 AM

Love everything Rabbi Weinburg writes

I love visit your site, you are very wise and give a lot of joy and help to those who read you.

(21)
Love Caber,
May 19, 2002 12:00 AM

I love this Article

Thank you Aish for this article. I have learned many things and what Rabbi Weinberg about the "potential to greatness is unlimited when we have the power of Almighty behind us", is very true. I think this will help me at this point in my life, thanks again.

(20)
D Hawkins,
May 13, 2002 12:00 AM

Excellent article

Many times we forget to use a valid measure for success; I really thank you for this article, it is even an excellent guide for reaching our own goals.

(19)
Judy Hardway,
March 12, 2002 12:00 AM

What a wonderful explanation of success!

I so enjoyed your wisdom in explaining the definition of success. Yes, God Will give us whatever we need.... We must have really need(ed) you! Thanks you for your article.

(18)
David Potter,
February 20, 2002 12:00 AM

Thank you

I'm not of the Jewish faith, but I have had this desire to know more about Israel and her people, since the attacks on my country, on September 11.

Thank you for this article; it has helped to clarify some issues in my personal life, and as a result, I can see things more clearly now, and from a different perspective.

Truth is still truth, regardless of religion or background. Once again, thank you.

(17)
karl rose,
February 11, 2002 12:00 AM

Rabbi Weinberg, you too make me laugh.

Dear Rabbi,

I feel that God has indeed given all of or most of the Rabbi's one of the greatest teaching tools or gifts; the ability to make us laugh or at least me. When I read these lessons as it relates to todays world, I can see myself in them and not only learn but laugh out loud as well, good for the soul,yes? Thank you, Karl

(16)
Guy Babungu Maya,
February 6, 2002 12:00 AM

French version

Since I dicover aish.com, I confirm that I am verry blessed.
And in few moment I know that I will support it. It is an obligation for me.
I am a special "sender of notes in the wall" and I thank you for this service.
But, you see, I and many others, I think, are french speakers. Cannot you begin a french version of aish.com?
Be sure, it will be appreciate in my country (The Dem. Rep. of the Congo) and some others countries in Africa.
I can't refuse to be your translator without a salary. But I must first improve my english.
Do you know why? Because I love and bless Israël, Her Government and all the jews, the choosen people.
May God bless Israël.

GB Maya
Lubumbashi
DR Congo
I

(15)
varun ahluwalia,
January 28, 2002 12:00 AM

excellent

i am an engineering student from india.
i wanted to know about judaism and i appreciate AISH for providing information in just an excellent format.
it is dream come true info site for outside world.
through this site i want to send message that i want to be friends with people who are interested in judaism and its teachings. plz email me if u share interest.

(14)
Anonymous,
January 7, 2002 12:00 AM

simply great

I wish I knew this earlier.

Thank you.

(13)
Anonymous,
August 11, 2001 12:00 AM

Thank You

I've been looking through the information and lessons in this site. I am not Jewish but have a deep desire to be more knowledgable about Judaism. Thank you so much for this site and the wonderful lessons. This one made me cry, it hit so close to my heart and the realization that we all can learn and have value regardless of our station. I am falling in love with the Basis of this process of coming to know God.

Thank you,

Valerie

(12)
John Long,
May 31, 2001 12:00 AM

Thank You For Comfort and Hope

I found your article through a search engine inquiry "fear of success". Thank you for your insight, humor, comfort and hope.

(11)
Josh Rosenthal,
April 22, 2001 12:00 AM

knowledge is only found in how thirsty you are.

The warmth and love in your article is
very prevalent.

(10)
nan aitel-thompson,
March 4, 2001 12:00 AM

helps with my running son

My son has been fatherless since 8 years old due to cancer. He's a runner , 15 years old now, and my parents, who support intellectual and musical accomplishments, do not feel sports is valid. This is a great article for giving me the Jewish perspective for them and the self esteem perspective for him...I printed it out...with the wonderful picture...to start a great discussion. Thanks.

(9)
Anonymous,
January 28, 2001 12:00 AM

old lessons coming home

this was remarkable to me here at the
age of 65....the article on self-esteem
and effort and striving. were lessons
my mother taught me most of my life.
though phrased in plain words...it
got me thru many years of running a
business and a home. thankfully...

(8)
Anonymous,
January 11, 2001 12:00 AM

it was amazing...

really... that was one of the most amazing things i have ever read. thanx so much.

(7)
John Woldin,
October 5, 2000 12:00 AM

Very refreshing

This is a marvelous site. About the true depth and meaning of our heritage. If only many Shuls would open up the spiritual aspects of Torah like this website. Thank you.

(6)
Martijn Tesselaar,
September 21, 2000 12:00 AM

Things you need to hear to make you remember

I come here every once in a while to read something. And every time I find something worthwhile to read. It's your responsibility to do your best. It's the effort that counts and not the reward. It is so simple! But you have to hear it every now and then, to make you remember. Thanks a lot for helping me remember!

(5)
jamin eiseman,
September 15, 2000 12:00 AM

enjoyable words of wisdom during lunch at work

I needed some words of wisdom, especially after paying so much attention to the political race and having thoughts swirl in my head about the excitement and potential worries created should Senator Lieberman be elected to the white house.
Thank you.

I will print this article to refer to when I forget what is important. thank you.

(1)
Alex Pozin,
September 10, 2000 12:00 AM

very informative and inspirational

Rabbi Weinberg,

I wanted to thank you for this article. I am a college student at the University of Washington. Just recently, in the past year I have been discovering Judaism and the the important role that it plays in my life now. Your article was very inspirational to me. As I'm sure you're aware of, college is not an easy process. School, work, Hillel take up a lot of hours of my time. Sometimes, I ask myself, "What do I go through all this trouble for?" I found the answer right here, in your article. "If you make the effort, you will find the results." - these words have definitely struck me. I also wanted to say that your point about looking at the effort, and not at the results seems like a very valuable lesson to me. Too often, I feel, we judge people by the results that they have produced, without realizing that each one of us had to make a very different journey to get where they are. Thank you again for your article.

I'm told that it's a mitzvah to become intoxicated on Purim. This puzzles me, because to my understanding, it is not considered a good thing to become intoxicated, period.

One of the characteristics of the at-risk youth is their use of drugs, including alcohol. In my experience, getting drunk doesn't reveal secrets. It makes people act stupid and irresponsible, doing things they would never do if they were sober. Also, I know a lot about the horrible health effects of abusing alcohol, because I work at a research center that focuses on addiction and substance abuse.

Also, I am an alcoholic, which means that if I drink, very bad things happen. I have not had a drink in 22 years, and I have no intention of starting now. Surely there must be instances where a person is excused from the obligation to drink. I don't see how Judaism could ever promote the idea of getting drunk. It just doesn't seem right.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Putting aside for a moment all the spiritual and philosophical reasons for getting drunk on Purim, this remains an issue of common sense. Of course, teenagers should be warned of the dangers of acute alcohol ingestion. Of course, nobody should drink and drive. Of course, nobody should become so drunk to the point of negligence in performing mitzvot. And of course, a recovering alcoholic should not partake of alcohol on Purim.

Indeed, the Code of Jewish Law explicitly says that if one suspects the drinking may affect him negatively, then he should NOT drink.

Getting drunk on Purim is actually one of the most difficult mitzvot to do correctly. A person should only drink if it will lead to positive spiritual results - e.g. under the loosening affect of the alcohol, greater awareness will surface of the love for God and Torah found deep in the heart. (Perhaps if we were on a higher spiritual level, we wouldn't need to get drunk!)

Yet the Talmud still speaks of an obligation on Purim of "not knowing the difference between Blessed is Mordechai and Cursed is Haman." How then should a person who doesn't drink get the point of “not knowing”? Simple - just go to sleep! (Rama - OC 695:2)

All this applies to individuals. But the question remains - does drinking on Purim adversely affect the collective social health of the Jewish community?

The aversion to alcoholism is engrained into Jewish consciousness from a number of Biblical and Talmudic sources. There are the rebuking words of prophets - Isaiah 28:1, Hosea 3:1 with Rashi, and Amos 6:6, and the Zohar says that "The wicked stray after wine" (Midrash Ne'alam Parshat Vayera).

It is well known that the rate of alcoholism among Jews has historically been very low. Numerous medical, psychological and sociological studies have confirmed this. The connection between Judaism and sobriety is so evident, that the following conversation is reported by Lawrence Kelemen in "Permission to Receive":

When Dr. Mark Keller, editor of the Quarterly Journal of Studies on Alcohol, commented that "practically all Jews do drink, and yet all the world knows that Jews hardly ever become alcoholics," his colleague, Dr. Howard Haggard, director of Yale's Laboratory of Applied Physiology, jokingly proposed converting alcoholics to the Jewish religion in order to immerse them in a culture with healthy attitudes toward drinking!

Perhaps we could suggest that it is precisely because of the use of alcohol in traditional ceremonies (Kiddush, Bris, Purim, etc.), that Jews experience such low rates of alcoholism. This ceremonial usage may actually act like an inoculation - i.e. injecting a safe amount that keeps the disease away.

Of course, as we said earlier, all this needs to be monitored with good common sense. Yet in my personal experience - having been in the company of Torah scholars who were totally drunk on Purim - they acted with extreme gentleness and joy. Amid the Jewish songs and beautiful words of Torah, every year the event is, for me, very special.

Adar 12 marks the dedication of Herod's renovations on the second Holy Temple in Jerusalem in 11 BCE. Herod was king of Judea in the first century BCE who constructed grand projects like the fortresses at Masada and Herodium, the city of Caesarea, and fortifications around the old city of Jerusalem. The most ambitious of Herod's projects was the re-building of the Temple, which was in disrepair after standing over 300 years. Herod's renovations included a huge man-made platform that remains today the largest man-made platform in the world. It took 10,000 men 10 years just to build the retaining walls around the Temple Mount; the Western Wall that we know today is part of that retaining wall. The Temple itself was a phenomenal site, covered in gold and marble. As the Talmud says, "He who has not seen Herod's building, has never in his life seen a truly grand building."

Some people gauge the value of themselves by what they own. But in reality, the entire concept of ownership of possessions is based on an illusion. When you obtain a material object, it does not become part of you. Ownership is merely your right to use specific objects whenever you wish.

How unfortunate is the person who has an ambition to cleave to something impossible to cleave to! Such a person will not obtain what he desires and will experience suffering.

Fortunate is the person whose ambition it is to acquire personal growth that is independent of external factors. Such a person will lead a happy and rewarding life.

With exercising patience you could have saved yourself 400 zuzim (Berachos 20a).

This Talmudic proverb arose from a case where someone was fined 400 zuzim because he acted in undue haste and insulted some one.

I was once pulling into a parking lot. Since I was a bit late for an important appointment, I was terribly annoyed that the lead car in the procession was creeping at a snail's pace. The driver immediately in front of me was showing his impatience by sounding his horn. In my aggravation, I wanted to join him, but I saw no real purpose in adding to the cacophony.

When the lead driver finally pulled into a parking space, I saw a wheelchair symbol on his rear license plate. He was handicapped and was obviously in need of the nearest parking space. I felt bad that I had harbored such hostile feelings about him, but was gratified that I had not sounded my horn, because then I would really have felt guilty for my lack of consideration.

This incident has helped me to delay my reactions to other frustrating situations until I have more time to evaluate all the circumstances. My motives do not stem from lofty principles, but from my desire to avoid having to feel guilt and remorse for having been foolish or inconsiderate.

Today I shall...

try to withhold impulsive reaction, bearing in mind that a hasty act performed without full knowledge of all the circumstances may cause me much distress.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...