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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Because the original post - which was written last week, mind you - said the following:

"As some of you know, Jen and I are currently touring around this great country of ours talking about cake, signing books, and trying desperately not to vomit. As of today, Jen has lost two fingers on her signing hand and has twelve different strains of the flu. Other than that, though, the tour's going really rather well."

Yep, that was John being funny, and yep, he apparently has now picked up my uncanny knack for pre-writing posts which foreshadow terrible events. Only this time, it's personal.*

If you're wondering where we are right now, here's a hint:

[crickets chirping]

Hm?

What do you mean, "that doesn't help any?" C'mon, isn't it obvious? That's only a super-famous sports logo for a super-famous sports team!

No?

Ok, fine, if I have to spoon-feed it to you:

Now do you know where we are?

Er, no, not "the home of the flame-broiled Loch Ness Monster." Sorry. It is the home of the "Longherns," though, if that helps any. I'm surprised you can't see it, though. I mean, don't those cakes look exactly like this?

(I suggest you go look at those Wrecks again now, to better "appreciate" them. Heh.)

Ok, last hint:

What, nothing? Tch. Look, I don't see how this jumbled mass of shotgun shells and strawberries could make it any clearer. [head tilt] Well, unless maybe you held them up to a mirror. Heh. Yeeeah.

Margaret I., Leti S., & Jennifer F., that last one really is in a sorry state, isn't it?

* In the past two days John has suffered a head injury, pneumonia, and a staph infection of the blood. As of this writing he's still in critical condition, and the remainder of the book tour has been canceled.(Because when we wreck a book tour, we wreck a book tour.)

The trouble with writing a humor blog is that when you write things like "John has a head injury, pneumonia and a staph infection" readers(me)think "hmmm,that's not really that funny", then are horrified to realize it's true! Geez, you guys, get well quickly! Healing thoughts and prayers are being sent your way.

I hope John's on the mend soon. And you know they're all right that it's O.K. if you drop the ball on the blog for a little while. If we haven't been in that kind of hospital situation, we know we don't want to be!

Sending well wishes for both of you...and hoping your own ailment was fleeting, Jen.

A lame joke for John...because my mom was a Texas Longhorn and my dad an A&M Aggie...

Wow, sorry to hear about all your troubles. I don't think I ever commented here before, but I want you both to know that yet another random dude out on the internet reads Cake Wrecks often and gets a lot of laughs. I hope you both get well soon, and thanks for the hours of laughs.

I am so sad to hear that John is still in the ICU.You are both in my prayers.

Here's a joke that you might find funny:

A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:Floor 1 - "These men have jobs".The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads:Floor 2 - "These men have jobs and love kids".The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads:Floor 3 - "These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking"."Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"

The fourth floor sign reads:Floor 4 - "These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework"."Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads:Floor 5 - "These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak"."Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads:Floor 6 - "You are visitor 6,875,953,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please".

So sorry to hear about John! If you need anything please let me know as I am in the Dallas/Fort Worth area.

Anyways, just thought you would find it funny that we do siggy challenges on theknot.com on our local board and this week/last week the challenge was worst cake wreck from your site! If you want to check out what some of us have chosen feel free :)

OMG! I can't believe ya'll got so sick here in Texas. I truly feel terrible for you and John** Apparently, the border guards decided to unleash a biological weapon of mass illness throughout the state to make sure anyone, native resident of the state or not, is suffering from a crippling viral and/or baterial infection. Obviously, the CDC has been cautioned not to let this information get out so people won't stop travelling*

Longherns Rule!!!!

*this is strictly my own convoluted theory that may in fact be true, or not. But just like the whole JFK and Hoffa mysteries, we may never hear the real version of the truth.**Until then, my thoughts go out to you and John and fervently wish you much better health in the future.