One in three

Abortion often the subject of secretiveness and widely thought of as relatively rare, is actually a commonplace experience for women in Britain. The day-to-day reality seems at odds with the present state of the law on abortion. Here six women tell their stories.

It is a commonly quoted statistic - that one in four women will have an abortion during their lifetime. In fact, according to the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists, that is an underestimate. At least a third of British women will have an abortion by the age of 45 (excluding Northern Ireland, where abortion is still illegal). In 2001, there were 186,000 legal abortions carried out in England and Wales (17 per 1,000 women aged 15-44). That figure remains fairly constant from year to year, although there was a peak in 1996, coinciding with a health scare over the pill.

Under the terms of the Abortion Act of 1967, termination is legal up to the 24th week of pregnancy, subject to approval from two doctors. To 'qualify' for an abortion, a woman must prove that having a baby would cause her or her family greater physical or mental damage than not having one. Effectively, this places the power to decide in the hands of the medical profession, and does not provide women with the legal right to choose. The UK differs from other European nations and the US in this respect. 'The current law tells you that there are very few politicians who will pay anything more than lip service to the idea of women's rights,' says Dr Ellie Lee (pictured top, left), editor of Abortion: Whose Right?

While in practice many doctors interpret the law liberally, they are nonetheless able to block access to services on the basis of moral opposition. A survey conducted by Marie Stopes International (MSI) in 1999 found that 18% of GPs were opposed to abortion, yet they do not have to declare this objection to patients. According to Alice Richardson, chairwoman of the National Abortion Campaign, women report numerous incidents of 'notes lost, decisions delayed and confidentiality broken' by doctors. Many women prefer to refer to a specialist abortion provider, such as the British Pregnancy Advisory Service (BPAS) or MSI - both of which are charities. If seeking an NHS abortion, however, a woman initially has to go through her surgery or family planning clinic.

She may then face a second hurdle: NHS provision for abortions is patchy, resulting in what Richardson describes as 'abortion by postcode'. The amount of funding made available for abortion varies widely from borough to borough: in 2001, for example, 96% of abortions in North Cumbria were NHS-funded; in Dorset, the figure was 61%; in Kingston and Richmond, in Surrey, meanwhile, only 50%. Health authorities set different time ceilings on abortions - in some areas, they are refused to women who are more than 11 weeks pregnant. Waiting lists - even for an initial appointment - are commonplace. Much of the burden of abortion provision is undertaken by charities such as MSI and BPAS. In 2001, 33% of NHS abortions were contracted to such organisations, while 24% of all abortions were private - at a cost, on average, of £400.

Public opinion polls show high rates of appro-val for abortion, but there is still a minority that disagrees. The Society for the Protection of the Unborn Child campaigns on this issue and seeks a tightening of the current law. Its education officer, Katherine Hampton (top), says, 'It is too easy for people to get abortions and I don't think they are given enough information - at the time they are considering abortion and earlier, at school.'

Pro-choice campaigners, meanwhile, advocate greater honesty in this area: 'Accidental pregnancy is so predictable, and so much a part of having a sexual relationship,' says Lee. 'We are dishonest in saying we can be 100% in control. It is simply not true.' A spokesperson for MSI describes the current abortion law as 'paternalistic, way out of date, and long due for reform'.

Mary Williamson, 66, Colchester

It was in the 1980s, I was 44 or 45. The cap failed and I found, to my absolute horror, that I was pregnant. I'd come off the pill because of a health scare and thought that there was less and less chance that I would become pregnant. It was pretty awful - the whole idea of having another child was totally unplanned and unlooked for. I had one child who was then 19 and didn't want any more. I'm married and we discussed it. I told my mother and there was no disapproval at all - if I'd have had to go privately, she would have helped me. My daughter was in America at the time - I can't remember when I told her, but it certainly wasn't a secret. I had a national health abortion, which was very quick - but it was traumatic because of the decision to make, and also because I'm old enough to remember when it would have been a fate worse then death to need an abortion.

I was pleasantly surprised at the availability. I think I was six weeks pregnant when I realised, and a couple of weeks later I'd had the abortion. My GP wasn't too hot, but he did put me on to a consultant, who was brilliant - no judgmental remarks or anything. I must have been quite worried at the time, but looking back it was a relatively straightforward procedure, which was almost totally due to having a very caring consultant. I overheard him saying to a nurse, "This is what the 1967 Abortion Act was all about."

The doctor who referred me to the consultant was fairly old and I had to bring it up - he probably wanted me to say the word "abortion" rather than him. In hospital, they kept asking whether I wanted to go ahead, but I guess they had to in case I changed my mind. I had it on a Wednesday and went back to work the next Monday. A year later, I had a sterilisation, just to make sure it didn't happen again.

I've absolutely no regrets, I'll always remember the enormous feeling of relief when I woke up in hospital. I've never been mentally ill, or any of the things they say you are going to be - I'm not walking around damaged beyond repair. I'm very upfront and open about it, and I feel it should be talked about. It is a private and shameful thing in many people's eyes - not, I hasten to add, in mine. People are a little bit shocked and surprised when I talk about it; they take it for granted that I'm against abortion, partly because of my age and partly because I appear very "respectable" - we live in a small village and I was a lecturer in further education. The perception is that people like me aren't supposed to have abortions.

Sally Helliwell, 35, London

I was 23 and about to go to university. Though I was in a relationship and living with the bloke, I definitely didn't want to have children. I was on the pill, so it was a bit of a shock. But I didn't really consider any other option - there was no question, either for me or for my partner at the time. I never had any dilemmas about it - it was just a practical thing to do. I think it makes a big difference if you are in a situation where you might want children, but you aren't quite sure. That might have an impact on your decision.

I approached the whole thing in a very matter-of-fact way. We made an appointment at the doctor's and had to go through the rigmarole of getting two doctors' consent, although fortunately it was fairly straightforward and I didn't get any hassle. It was very early on when I found out - seven weeks - and I had to wait to have the abortion, they said it was too small to do it any earlier.

There are two images I remember of going to hospital. Seeing this girl I knew in the waiting room and lying on the operating table waiting for the general anaesthetic to take effect. I can't really remember any of the details - but why would you? I don't remember getting my teeth taken out, either. Even giving birth, which I did 18 months ago, is fading from my memory pretty quickly.

I did have an instance when I was 19 and thought that I was pregnant, and went to see a doctor who made it very clear, even before I had the tests, that she was anti-abortion. I was scared stiff that I was pregnant and was insinuating that I wasn't going to have the baby. She made it clear that it wasn't an option as far as she was concerned.

So when I was pregnant at 23, I thought that was going to happen again, but it didn't. My impression from that is that it very much depends on the doctor - you can be lucky or unlucky. When it comes to practicalities, most people think abortion is OK, but that can change when you talk about it in the abstract as a moral issue; then there's this whole thing that women are supposed to be traumatised by it. And the whole process of doctors ticking boxes to say that you'll be more traumatised by having a child than if you don't, to say that your mental health is at risk if you go through with the pregnancy - that puts across the idea that somehow you are doing something you shouldn't be doing. Or something that will affect you in the future, when really there is no reason why it should.

I was very confident about what I wanted to do. It was a long time ago and I haven't really thought about it since. I didn't even think about it when I had my child. It is very different finding out you've made a mistake and working out how you're going to deal with it, then wanting a child, getting pregnant and looking forward to having one.

Sue Hulbert, 40, Leeds

It was May 12 2000 when I had the abortion, a date that is fixed in my mind. The next day that sticks is November 19, because that's when my child was due. Whatever anybody says, there will always be a life missing from my life. I hope and pray that one day I will see him and that he will forgive me.

I was involved in a relationship that had problems, but the baby was planned. Every relationship goes through rocky patches - I just didn't know how rocky. As soon as I got pregnant, my partner refused to talk about the baby. Things between us got worse, strained, we started to argue a lot and he became quite aggressive. In the end, we had an enormous argument and I remember screaming at him, "I don't want you or your baby." On the day we should have gone to the hospital for the first pregnancy consultation, we actually went and spoke about abortion.

The hospital made it very easy for me. Although the first consultant did say he wouldn't do it, he put me in touch with someone who would. Within a fortnight, I was booked in. My pre-abortion meeting gave me no indication that the abortion was going to cause me any damage, either mentally or physically. On the morning I went in, I was distraught. Even up to that point, I had an idea that I would never go through with it. But I went in, was examined, given a pessary, and two hours later I had the abortion.

I woke up in tears - I knew that I'd done the wrong thing. I had a haemorrhage - which was frightening and painful - and another one four weeks later. But, mentally, the problems became more debilitating. The overarching thought in my mind was that I had killed my child. I felt so guilty, I lost all confidence, all my self-esteem, and I wasn't able to do my job. In the end, last December I took an overdose, because I'd decided my life wasn't worth anything. I didn't feel worthy of being a mother to my two kids [from an earlier relationship]: I thought if they ever found out about the baby, they would hate me, and because I was so depressed and crying all the time, I wasn't being a proper mother to them. I spent a long time after that in a hospital psychiatric unit. In the meantime I've had counselling from the British Victims of Abortion [a helpline for those experiencing physical and emotional difficulties after an abortion].

The thing that makes me angry is that I was never told what the side-effects might be, by anybody. I was so weak and I was put under pressure by my partner, who had lowered my self-confidence, anyway. I felt as though I couldn't cope with anything. You are in a very vulnerable state, it's a time when you need guidance and structure - and it simply wasn't there.

Without a doubt, I would have been better off having that baby. However many problems I could have had being pregnant, I didn't know I would have far more not having that child. I've had nightmares - I've seen foetuses in hospital kidney bowls, crowds of people shouting at me that I'm a murderer, puréed foetuses being splattered on windows. I have difficulty with other people's two-year-olds - it makes social interaction very hard. I lost work, money - you can't describe the cost of it, or the frustration when people don't understand what you are trying to tell them.

Anonymous, 32, London

I was 27 and had been going out with someone for three months. I found out I was pregnant after we broke up. It was a split condom. I never told my ex, I had no desire to - he's the sort of person who, instead of making me feel better, would have needed me to reassure him. I felt awful finding out I was pregnant. I didn't want to be, it was really horrible. I went to my GP and was really scared: you hear so many horror stories about doctors refusing abortions, and I knew that, if he did refuse, I wouldn't be able to afford one privately. But he was actually really good and referred me to a hospital within a week. Then I had to wait four weeks to have my operation, which was just awful. Not for one moment did I think I was doing the wrong thing, but waiting put me in a state of temporary paralysis. I just wanted it to be over - I couldn't move on, get on with anything. It was a horrible time, going through this so soon after the break-up of a relationship. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat - it wasn't good.

I felt stupid being in that position. I'm an intelligent person and I felt like I should have known better. You still think, "God, I'm so stupid, how could I have got into this position?" Even though I wouldn't think that of anyone else, I thought it about me.

A friend came to the hospital with me and the actual termination was fine. You turn up in the morning and are home by lunchtime, watching videos in the afternoon. When I woke up from the operation, I instantly knew I wasn't pregnant any more - I felt a bit weird, but mostly I just felt relief. I've never felt at all guilty about it, and now I just don't think about it. The only thing I regret is that I was ever in that position in the first place.

I would never tell my mum, it would upset her and she doesn't need to know. I don't regret what I did, but it is still not really acceptable to talk about. You wouldn't think that one in three women has an abortion. There is a lot of stigma attached, and the anti-abortionists like to claim the moral high ground. Plus we're not very good at talking about sex generally - and abortion is one of those things that is supposed to happen to other people.

Anonymous 24-year-old

It was three years ago. I was at university. At the time, I was very stressed because I was having problems with my family and it was interfering with my studies. My doctor put me on antidepressants and told me they would stop me getting pregnant as well. A month after that, I got pregnant. As soon as I found out, I knew I wanted a termination. At no point did I feel I wanted a child - it just wasn't right for me at the time. I was in what turned out to be a long-term relationship, but at that point we hadn't known each other long.

I was referred to a private clinic on the NHS and had the termination. I was lucky; I know that's not the case for everybody - in my area there is not very good NHS provision. But part of that was that my doctor realised she'd made a very big mistake, so from then on it went very smoothly.

I didn't tell my family, but my mother is quite nosy and she went through my bag and found a letter. My family went completely mad. It was only then, facing other people's extreme opinions, that I was affected badly. It wasn't the abortion itself, but the reactions of my family that made it difficult - being told by them that I had killed, that I was a murderer. It really upset me. I was studying, away from home, a poor student, and my family messed it up for a few months, made it difficult to concentrate because of endless phone calls and arguments. They said it was because they're strict Muslims, but I know now that views within the religion vary quite a lot, especially on early abortions. It may have been a cultural issue as well for my family - it just wasn't considered acceptable to have an abortion.

But I was quite confident about it at the time, and I still am. I felt that I had a right to do what I did. Purely on an emotional level, it was clear to me from the beginning that this wasn't for me, that I didn't want to be controlled by children I didn't want, that this wasn't a future I wanted at that stage. I thought I had done the adult thing, and it seemed that what my family wanted was for me to be like a child, allow my life to be shaped by circumstances rather than me having agency in my life. It doesn't bother me what they think. What bothers me is that they got in my way and made things much harder for me. I respect anyone who wouldn't choose abortion for themselves. What I don't respect is someone ruining another person's life by telling them that they can't have one.

Anne Quesney, 36, London

About four years ago, I had a total accident, a failure of contraception when a condom split, and suddenly found myself pregnant. I decided to have an abortion because I don't want to have children, full stop. It's something my partner and I decided long ago, so for me it was the only solution. I never thought that decision was right or wrong. It's just a choice women make, and that was it. There were no kind of moral considerations, it was just a practical solution.

I went to the doctor and told him that I thought I was pregnant and wanted an abortion. He was very supportive, so everything happened straightforwardly and very quickly - I was so adamant about my decision that it made things easier. I was sent to a Marie Stopes clinic, but it was paid for on the NHS. I think I was extremely lucky - I was living in a borough that is known to have one of the worst track records in terms of NHS abortions.

I only had a local anaesthetic - by choice, I didn't feel the need to be totally put out - so I remember the termination clearly. It is a very quick process, a very simple operation, so I don't think there is a need for people to have a general anaesthetic. I think they do it because most women don't want to be conscious. It was over in minutes. You feel slight discomfort - it's not exactly a picnic - but in a sense it's not that much worse than a visit to the dentist. I had a few cramps afterwards, but I assume that was normal. My partner picked me up, and two hours later I was home.

The feeling was relief, straight away. I didn't want to have a child - it was the only solution. There are a lot of women who don't want children; for those who do, it seems a really strange concept, but for those who don't it is totally acceptable. My life carried on. There was no traumatic experience or psychological hang-ups or whatever.

Before I had an abortion, I wasn't aware of the legal situation in this country. It did shock me [that two doctors had to agree to the termination], as I didn't feel I was able to exercise my right over my own body. I can't say I was treated badly in any way, but it's a time when quite a lot of woman can feel vulnerable. I've never come across anyone who told me it was the wrong thing to do - and, in any case, I know it was the right thing, so it doesn't really matter