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Thursday, 2 January 2014

Mobile Tractor Unit Turns on Owner and Violently Beats Him to Death

Highsec carebear Melvin Earl received a nasty surprise today when a Mobile Tractor Unit turned on him, destroying both his Rattlesnake and Tengu. This is an escalation of shenanigans involving Mobile Tractor Units which have come to light in the past few days.

It's believed Melvin's collection of Mobile Tractor Units were disgusted by his bad posting on the Eve Online forums, and waited for their chance to kill him. The opportunity arose when Melvin started his daily mission running in Osmon. He began to notice something was wrong when three of his missile launchers disappeared from his ship. He returned to the station to refit the Dread Guristas Torpedo Launchers, only to have them disappear again after several minutes.

At this point Melvin started to Fraps his activities. After all, modules don't simply disappear into thin air. 10 minutes went by and all his modules were still there. Breathing a sigh of relief, he got on with his mission. Suddenly the Rattlesnake's tank had started to fail. Its pilot remained unaware of this as he had gone AFK and left his drones behind to do his work for him. He returned to his keyboard at the last minute as the Rattlesnake entered armour. "Why is this happen!" he shouted in local. He looked to the right of his HUD, and saw his Caldari Navy Invulnerability Fields were no longer there.

Sadly the Rattlesnake could not be saved. When the lossmail was opened Melvin noticed there were no midslots save for two Shield Boost Amplifiers. Melvin immediately petitioned this and whined in local. He then boarded his Tengu to finish the mission off. Having smote the rats in the name of the Sisters of Eve, he looked to see what goodies his Mobile Tractor Unit had collected for him. He looked in the structure's cargobay and saw the modules that should have been in his Rattlesnake's midslots.

He sent his petition in at once under the 'stuck' category; this was clearly some kind of Goon magic. By the time he had finished writing his carefully thought out petition he returned to the game to find his Tengu had been stripped naked of modules. A block of red was creeping from the right of the hull bar to the left, despite him having no shield or armour damage, with a visual red beam running from the Mobile Tractor Unit to his ship.

Then he was in a pod. He looked in the Mobile Tractor Unit to find a Tengu hull, five subsystems and the ship's modules. It was time to write a new petition, one greater and more persuasive than ever before. Melvin kindly shared the text with us:

"Hello CCP, I am writing to complain about your massively multiplied online game eve online. Today I was running missions as normal when my rattlesnake was destroyed because my tractor took my tanking modules. Someone is behind this, possibly the mittani or some other goon, but probably the mittani. I heard dabigblueboat can also hack shit so could you please check him as well. Im going to tell everyone I see in your stupid game to play WoW because its better than this shit. Also, im going to have to make another forum post warning people about how shit goons are, could you please tell the police to arrest them."
This is only the second recorded incident of a mobile structure killing the person who dropped it, the first being a Small Mobile Siphon Unit which was dropped in Providence and tried to run away to richer areas of space.