Heyo, patrons! This week I have a wonderful crossover for you called Out of Darkness and it’s really, really bad. This wonderful little fic crosses the confusing and obtuse world of Final Fantasy VII with the obtuse and confusing world of Resident Evil in way that’s just… bad. Really, really bad.

How bad? Well, check out the summary.

With Time not on Leon’s side, he races to find a antibody cure for a soon to be victim to a new deadly virus to terrorists, someone who Leon is unawarely closer to, than he is lead to think (Read to find out)not sure if im gonna continue this… nobody is reviewing alot

I’ll just let that sink in while I go pour myself another cup of coffee.

*An eventually later*

Now, you all may be thinking, “Sure, Taco, that’s pretty bad, but this obviously isn’t a native English speaker.” Well, hypothetical voice of the patrons, you would be wrong. See, this particular fanfic writer also happens to have a Youtube channel. I won’t embarrass her by sharing it here, but know that she clearly speaks American English in the videos where she talks. She’s either a native speaker of English, or somebody who is absolutely fluent.

Salutations, noble patrons! Welcome to my entry in the holiday fun time fic parade! Since we’re getting all festive this week, I gave Swenia the day off to do whatever it is she does on her days off, and instead asked Eliza to join me. I figured she’d be the most likely in my little group of misfits to bring the holiday cheer.

“I really hope this is worth me missing out on Aunty time. Do you know how hard it was to convince Crunchy to take over for the day?”

Not hard at all?

“Well, okay, it really wasn’t since Jiwe’s got him wrapped around his little claw, but it’s the principle of the matter. You would think a ten-thousand year-old Sith Lord would know how to tell a toddler ‘no’.”

If it makes you feel any better, I’ve got this plate of Pteranodon cut-out cookies that Gumdrop baked this morning. He even put sprinkles and little frosting faces on them.

“Best day ever!”

For our entry in the Holiday Fic Parade, I dug up a Final Fantasy 7 Christmas fic. Don’t think about how Christmas can exist on Gaia too hard, it’ll make your brain revolt against you. In this case the plot is focused on the Christmas season going down in Sector 7 with the original members of AVALANCHE, so we can assume this is probably happening before the plate is dropped on Sector seven and kills most of them. Well, we can probably assume that, anyway; you never know with fanfiction.

Warning: This fic contains graphic depiction of death. Please avoid this one if you’re sensitive to graphic violence.

You know what we’ve been missing around here lately? If you answered “more bizarre Winnie the Pooh fanfic” then today is your lucky day! Welcome to “The Undocumented Powers of Winnie the Pooh.” Thankfully, it is a one shot. It’s also very short so we don’t have to suffer for long.

Oh, and did I mention that this is a cross-over? With the JRPG Final Fantasy VII (7)? Well, it is. I’ll let that sink in for a minute. FF7 and Winnie the Pooh. It is, as of yet, the only FF7/WTP cross-over fic on ff.net and hopefully it will remain the only one. *crosses fingers*

Well, hello there, dear patrons! I know, I know… where the hell have I been? I’d like to sincerely apologize for my prolonged absence. Things have been rough lately.

That said, I’m not going to be returning to my previous projects for some time (if ever). I’m sure you’re terribly broken up about not seeing the end of either “Control” or “Shinobi & Wizards: Resolution.” For now, considering I’m not sure how long I’ll be mentally capable of snarking, I’ll try to keep things on the shorter end of the fanfiction spectrum. I’ll be sticking to one-shots or stories with short chapters.

This week’s story is called “Friendship Bonds” and hails from the ever-popular Final Fantasy VII (7) video game. The reason I chose this has everything to do with the summary:

In the search of Jenova, Destiny goes with Cloud and AVALANCHE to stop Sephiroth form using Black Materia to destroy Gaia. But what will it cost? A life? Loss of trust? Or a change of hearts? CloudXOC

There’s nothing really overly wrong with that summary except one thing: The OC’s name is Destiny. My Sue-dar started bleeping the instant I read that and continued to grow stronger when it became implied that she’s a love interest for Cloud, the main protagonist of the FF7 franchise.

Welcome to another Wednesday with Taco. This week I’m bringing you a Star Wars / Final Fantasy 7 (FF7) crossover called Alliance that, mechanics-wise, is actually fairly well written. Plot-wise, this thing is a wreck.

Anyway, the fic opens up with your standard “I don’t own this blah, blah” disclaimer. There is also an AU tag, which I’m glad to see even though cross-overs are generally assumed to be AU anyway. The exclusion of the AU tag in a cross-over always leaves me wondering how much canon we’re supposed to assume is still accurate: a question that’s almost never answered in a cross-over fic.

Then we hit this foreboding line in the disclaimer:

Alyssa – the OC in this – is my invention.

That sent a shiver up my spine. It’s also when I started considering this fic for inclusion in the Library. After that last little disclaimer, the fic starts. Luckily the disclaimer was all in italics and formatted differently than the fic, so it was pretty easy to tell when the transition to the actual fic occurred. Author, you get a cookie and a redemption point for that consideration.