STOCKTON — Tashante McCoy-Ham watched the small plastic flower dance to the sun on her window ledge.

She had been lying in bed for days after the burial of her baby girl, CobiLynn, who was stillborn in 2009. McCoy-Ham, too devastated from the loss, skipped meals and didn’t leave her room, but she never stopped praying and the solar flower never stopped dancing.

McCoy-Ham one day decided to pick up the flower — a gift her sister brought back from Monterey — and read the back: “The sunlight is what makes it move.” She started crying.

“I remember looking in the mirror and I remember saying, ‘I’m going to stay in the light. If I stay in the darkness I’m surely going to wither away and die,’” she said. “‘No matter what (life) looks like, no matter what I feel like, as long as I’m committed to staying in the light and moving then I’ll be fine.

“‘I’m going to turn this pain into power. I don’t know what that means yet, but I’m going to do that.’”

The “pain into power” mantra has since carried McCoy-Ham through her life and has led her to a life of service helping other people who are experiencing their own pain and loss. McCoy Ham’s mother also raised her to be connected to her east Stockton community and church.

“My goal is to engage the community and to create spaces of healing, hope and empowerment,” she said.

McCoy-Ham is the founder of The Owl (One Woman’s Love) Movement, an organization focused on empowering, mentoring and service to Stockton. Through the organization, she started the Jr. Owls’ groups for girls and Stockton Angel Mothers.

Stockton Angel Mothers is a group dedicated to women who have lost children under any circumstances. The nonprofit organization focuses on providing hope and support through healing circles, group outings and creating a community for women.

The organization came out of a community need, one her mother, Michele McCoy, experienced.

McCoy-Ham’s brother, 31-year-old Terri McCoy, was killed during a double homicide on Oct. 22, 2012, in east Stockton.

No one cared about his death or of the other victim, Marcos Garcia, McCoy-Ham said. Garcia was labeled a documented gang member and her brother a parolee. Her family felt forgotten and judged, she added.

“There’s an unspoken shame that comes from losing a loved one to violence — you’re a statistic, that's supposed to happen,” she said. “There’s no support or aftercare (for families).”

“There’s nowhere for us to go, we're supposed to just deal with it.”

Seeing the abandonment her mother experienced set her on a path to offer support for other women like her and her mother. McCoy-Ham started by paying out-of-pocket for a luncheon to honor mothers, but has since continued to partner with people to give support to grieving families

McCoy-Ham, who is a coordinator for Crime Survivors for Safety and Justice, also trains to identify trauma and its effects on people because she’s seen trauma’s impact manifested in her brother’s life and her own.

She’s also involved in other movements, such as “Breaking the Silence” community forum, which started after Jessica Sewell’s son, Juwan, was gunned down the day before his 18th birthday and no one came forward with information. But she said any effort she starts or joins has to have a “healing to action model.”

Most recently, McCoy-Ham and Darlene Fultcher Guyton opened the Movement Empowerment Center at 134 W. Park St., which is open to families affected by violence.

Jay Jordan, Second Chances Program director for Californians for Safety and Justice, described McCoy-Ham as compassionate, authentic and a rising star in the city. In her interactions with families who have lost loved ones to violence, there’s no judgment, he added.

Jordan and McCoy-Ham work closely through CSJ and he’s seen how she’s helped dozens of families. Also, how she’s managed to not choose sides in the politically divided city.

“She raises above the squabble … She truly cares about the people of Stockton,” he said. “I think that she is Stockton and Stockton is her.

Her story reflects the reality of thousands of people in Stockton and the fact that she turns her pain into power is remarkable.”

For more information about The Owl Movement or Angel Mothers, contact Tashante McCoy-Ham at (209) 622-9044, email info@theowlmovement.org or visit theowlmovement.org.