It was a long, hard battle to get my Doxy Don, and I want to give a specific thank you to Ruby Goodnight of Doxy North America for being persistent and attempting to send me not one, but three Doxy Dons over the course of 4 months. May the two that went MIA find happiness in their freedom.

So needless to say, I had a lot of time to dwell on the arrival of my Don. Every time I revisited the issue with Ruby, I would search out more photos and reviews of the toy, remembering what it was that I had to look forward to. However, looking at the photos and the odd shape of the toy, over time, I found myself looking forward to its arrival less and less. The shape seemed limiting, if not cumbersome, so how could I, as a cis woman, benefit from such a one-use toy?

The B-Vibe Trio bore the tragedy of coming into my life around the same time my lust for anal play was at an all-time low. It comes and goes, unfortunately, and the first time I used this, it felt cool but… foreign. I do, however, give it credit for reminding why I love anal play so much, and for reigniting my love of butt stuff.

As it sounds, The B-Vibe Trio sports 3 separate motors within one butt plug (in the tip, middle, and neck), all of which can be operated manually, or with the included handheld remote.

It comes as no surprise to regular readers that DP is my dream fantasy. But it comes as a surprise to me that when it comes to body-safe toys, DP options are few and far between, and unfortunately after trying out the Flex, I’m still left empty in the viable DP toys category.

I’ll jump to the main problem I had with Flex: the anal beads are… distracting. They’re just so small yet perfectly spaced so that I have to feel every single one whether I want to or not. If I want to thrust the dildo, I’m left with no choice but to thrust the beads as well, and with each little * boop boop boop * going in and out of me, it takes away from the rest of the experience and keeps an ongoing dialogue in my brain of “there’s something going in my butt, there’s something going in my butt…”

To think that I was once prepared to compare this to Romeo seems a bit ridiculous in hindsight, but given the choice between them for the best anal toy, I have to give condolences to the guru of anal wooing; Tantus Ripple is the true butt love guru.

Part-dildo, part-plug, the Ripple is able to appeal to many levels of anal expertise, even in the large size. The head is no larger than a small grape, and it expands from there with the fourth and final bead measuring smaller than a golf ball; my best comparison is to an Eos lip balm, but that might not help every reader of this review.

If you’re thinking of buying the Romeo, I come with one word of warning: it is small. I mean sure, the measurements even say that it’s less 1” in diameter and 6” tall, but if you’re like me, measurements mean nothing when you have an idea in your mind. When I spotted this, I got flashes of the Tantus Ripple, and immediately compared it as an equal. Of course I know now that my Ripple is a bit of a beast compared to sweet little Romeo, so rather than a comparable twin, it’s more like the premature runt of the beaded dildo litter.

This is not the tale of how someone fucked my ass. It’s the long story of how I got there, because for some of us, it is a long journey. But spoiler alert: I get my butt fucked.

I sometimes forget that in the sexual scope of things, I’m relatively new to anal play. With the exception of an experiment using the tip of a broomstick once as a teenager, my first real encounter with assplay came from my current relationship, less than 2 years ago, on a night when we went and bought His & Her’s butt plugs. Seriously. His was purple, mine was black (this was so long ago that I still thought black was a “cool & unique” sex toy colour)

Browsing through Hole Punch Toys’ website, it was hard to choose just one unique, platinum cure silicone toy – carrot butt plugs, spaceship dildos, little butt radishes – but the name alone stood out to me, in addition to a pegging-friendly shape. Simon Peg comes in blue, purple, black, and pink – which I have – but not only is the in-person colour more vibrant, it also falls a bit more on the side of neon red than pink (which I prefer)

I must admit, I wanted to hate on this little guy, and I fully expected to find it boring and small. I didn’t even buy the Tantus Sport for myself – I bought it for my boyfriend, thinking small and sleek was a butt’s best friend (we didn’t know his bonkers anal aptitude at this time), but he prefers toys without a bulbous head, so I was left to take in the orphaned dildo.

It has a wee 5.5” in length, a modest girth of 1.25” and as you can imagine, is perfect for butts… but more on that in a moment. First, I want to talk about how this little dude wormed his way into my heart, and my nightstand.

So, in the three months since I bought this, they’ve stopped making it. However Intimate Earth DOES make the exact same thing as a spray – I have the men’s version. Here is the women’s. Because maybe your anus is sexist.

I can’t write much about anal gel, I just can’t. I can’t frame it with pretty photography and talk about the pros and cons of a tiny little invention that you apply to your asshole to beat it into submission. But just in case you’re too damn lazy to read even a couple paragraphs, here’s the TLDR: if you have a finicky butt, use this!

Lube turns me on. It just does. I’ve had a long-running sexual fantasy involving a tarp and enough bottles of baby oil that I’m pretty it’d cause an accident, so it goes without saying that I like my sex wet. I want to hear it, feel it, taste it – and I’m glad to say that this pack from my favourite lube brand hits all five senses.

It’s no secret I love Sliquid, so let me give you the TL;DR of this review now: it’s awesome. What’s also awesome is a company who makes dozens of lube types AND has the consideration to say, “don’t waste your money on a whole bottle of something you don’t know” and instead packs an entire line of premium lube into a teeny little box.