Attention, New Yorkers: Manhattan Is Closed

Photo: Lane Brown

When we purchased a copy of Grand Theft Auto IV on Tuesday night, we had big plans for our digital avatar. First, we were going to make him drive through Central Park hitting Frisbee players; then we’d head to Times Square and pilot a helicopter into a sidewalk full of tourists; and, next, blow up the newsstand near our apartment that always only has last month’s magazines in stock. Sadly, in our excitement, we forgot to consider one very important thing: We totally suck at video games.

In GTA IV, you begin in Brooklyn (or “Dukes” “Broker” as it’s called in the game) and to get to Liberty City’s other boroughs, you have to complete missions (at which we are terrible). So, for the past two nights, like chumps, we’ve been following the rules — making drug runs, shaking down store owners for protection money, and murdering thugs and dumping their bodies in the East River (or trying to anyway: this game is hard!). But whenever we attempt to cross over into Manhattan, we’re foiled by dastardly police, who’ve set up roadblocks (see above photo). (And don’t tell us to overrun the barricades — they’ll shoot us!) How much longer till we get to the fun parts? Also, why is our game character the only one upset about this? Shouldn’t the bridges be filled with angry Brooklynites complaining that they can’t drive to work? Is everyone telecommuting these days?