(I’m checking out my last customer, a little old lady, before covering a break when another customer starts unloading his stuff into the register. Note that I’ve shut off my light and put a “lane closed” sign up.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, my lane is closed. I have to go to another department and cover a break.”

Other customer: “Well, isn’t that just f***ing convenient for you!”

(Right on cue, the little old lady I was helping turns to the other customer.)

Little old lady: “Who the h*** peed in your cornflakes this morning?!”

Customer: “Ooh, don’t you have lovely eyes? You’re like a little china doll!”

Me: “Uh, thanks…is that like a porcelain doll?”

Customer: “Yes! Yes! A porcelain doll! from Europe! Your skin is so pale, and your eyes are so big! Oh my, you do look just like a china doll! I bet you have so many different outfits! And a little house! And lots of hats!

Coworker:*joking* “Actually, she’s a collector’s item. Very rare. A one-off, in fact.”