"Only Good Injuns Are Dead Injuns" States US Senate Candidate

Rand Paul, candidate for the US Senate in Kentucky, has reportedly stated in a closed meeting of his supporters that "The only good Injun is a dead Injun." Of the one hundred constituents at the meeting, many were wearing coonskin caps and carrying loaded muskets.

Witnesses say, Paul went on to express his desire to repeal the thirteenth and the nineteenth amendments to the constitution, the abolishment of slavery (13th) and women's right to vote (19th).

His biggest ovation came, say the onlookers, when he told the audience, "This nation belongs to the white man, you and me, and our sons and grandsons. We came to earth a couple of thousand years ago and it is ours to rule. And let me tell you this, Jesus was no damned Jew. He was born in our neighboring state of West Virginia, and his real name was T.J. McCorkle. He never said, "Blessed are the peace makers." What he said was,"Blessed are the PIECE makers." And, that's all I have to say about that. Now, who's having the dog fights?"

In related news, Congressman Ron Paul, Rand's father, issued the following brief statement, "In the history of mankind, no one has ever been able to control the actions of their children. I regret that my son has turned out to be some kind of flakey liberal. I love him, and will always love him. It is my hope and in my prayers that he will mature as he gets older."

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