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Wednesday, May 23, 2012

One Less Lonely Gurl: Chapter 11

Yup, I'll be moving soon.

[Jimmy's Note: I've said in the eleventh chapter of my current fanfic some time ago that I'm going to be on hiatus for a while because I'll be moving to a new apartment soon. But I decided to take a break from packing my stuff and post one last blog entry here before I change my address.]

I actually snuck back in the silence of the early morning after the concert to the engine room of the submarine and dismantled the engines so that I can stop Justin from going back up to the land.

(Bonko!)

That's because I want him to stay with me here and help me with my plans.

(Dun dun dun dun...)

You have got to be kidding me.

Now, imagine C'ren smiling like this...

The mere thought of this brought about a huge smile on my face.

(Smiling right from ear to ear... [insert evil laugh here] Almost laughed herself to tears...!)

This is the true beginning of my life and my self-discovery, to find my purpose in this world. I'm very sure that my purpose is not just to please everyone but also to find the right answers.

(...must have stabbed him 50 fucking times! Oh, right. Back to the commentary... Quite the contrary actually. All that she ever will be is someone who will please people temporarily.)

We started to talk as we strolled the streets of Bikini Bottom while being surrounded by his bodyguards who also have helmets on.

(Obviously. They could have drowned without helmets on. Oh, and C'ren? Fuck logic if you're a fucking Mary Sue!)

"Besides, I like it here," Justin said. "I've always wanted to try a Krabby Patty."

(Don't we all?)

"Didn't you tell me last night that you wanted to be able to take that stupid helmet off? Well, I am also a chemist,

(Ding ding ding! Another Mary Sue point! Not-So-Fun Fact: I fucked up badly at chemistry class. It was the only subject I ever got a C- in and it stained my otherwise straight-A record. Dammit.)

so perhaps I can invent something that will enable you to breathe underwater, but I will need Sheldon's help for that," I said. "I heard that he's also a chemist just like me."

"Isn't that guy an epic failure

(No Justin, Plankton isn't. He's awesome! This fanfic is.)

in life? As far as I heard of him, though."

"Yep, pretty much," I said. "It's just that I don't want to make him feel so bad about himself anymore.

(Yeah, right!)

I mean, just look at his place. It's desolate and empty. I've already tasted the stuff that he sells. It's just so awful. So I want him to feel that at least he has done something right."

(This is actually a continuing theme in Plankton's Eye View. I've always liked the concept of redemption from a life of nothing but regrets and bitter failures. However, in Plankton's Eye View, Plankton will redeem himself without the help of a crazy Mary-Sue, but with the help of a crazy psychopomp. In the end, it turns out that C'ren is a psychopath after all, who turns out to be a delusional hooker with a crazy dream after all.)

"You're a great woman, C'ren," Justin said.

(You don't say?)

"Even I love to watch the cartoon universe that is uncannily similar to this one.

"And just like you, I was also amazed to discover that Bikini Bottom is actually real.

(This could have been a good concept, but this fanfic is supposed to be bad, after all. Maybe I could use this pretty awesome idea on a better fanfic, sans Bieber and Sue.)

I am even more amazed that I was not the first to discover this place, but it was you."

(This has got to be the cheesiest line I've written in this fanfic, next to the part where C'ren felt herself tingle and become red as a rose in the concert.)

"I just needed to find a place to hide from the land above once in a while, where there are less chances for me to get chased around by crazed fangirls

(C'ren is one, Justin! Better convert that undersea suit of yours into an astronaut suit and flee to outer space this time! Even the oceans aren't safe!)

and then I came across this place where I also became an instant star.

(Because Justin is a Gary-Stu in this fanfic.)

Fortunately, these people are not as much a riot as those in the land above, so I actually learned to love this place and treat this as my second home.

(Cool story bro. My favorite part was when none of this actually happened.)

Funny how I have never tried a Krabby Patty."

"Wait, I thought you are going to the Chum Bucket so that you can already concoct the chemical that will let me breathe underwater," Justin said.

(This concept was actually inspired by one of Jimmy Neutron's inventions, the Neutronic Air Gum, which allows for underwater breathing. Only, the effects of this nonexistent chemical are permanent. It only has to be ingested once at a very small dose. And what's with the separate paragraph when Justin is still the one speaking? As for that, I forgot why I had to separate that into two blasted paragraphs. Maybe I was drunk when I wrote this? But if I was, I could have come clean already and everyone should have known already that I was just a troll long ago. Alcohol is a truth serum, in a way. By the way, when I decided to come clean, I was completely sober. It was a life-changing decision I made at will.)

"No Justin, I have way bigger plans than that," I said with a grin across my face.

(Run... I mean... swim away now, Justin! She's insane!)

"I'll go with you to the Krusty Krab."

"What plans?"

(Yeah, C'ren, tell him! He already knows that you're nuts!)

"Those are secrets I shall not reveal to anyone until the time is right." I said as I laughed softly.

(Dun dun dun dun...)

[AN: Yes it's a Sponge Bob

(Spongebob is one word; Green Day is two words.)

Story. Just wait and see what will actually happen in the next chapters.

(Yup, this 'story' has plot as flat as an ironing board.)

(My true review replies:

NeVa.say.NeVa2... I'll still say the same thing I said here in the original. You're just making yourself look like an idiot by correcting other people's speeling mitsakes. But the difference is that I know that this fanfic is horrible, and if you are really who you say you are, then you have no chance to be with Bieber. Sorry. I'm sure that he would not want to be with a rabid fangirl like you.

Izzy Ilmol... I also laughed my ass off with that phrase because of its sheer silliness even if that meant writing that phrase would insult my two favorite bands, Green Day and Avenged Sevenfold. And yes, I am a troll. Congratulations for being able to tell and for having a good sense of humor. And to answer your question, the rage reviews are funnier because this story is getting pretty boring. I also gave up on this fanfic not only because it was offensive to all the things and people I actually love but also because it's dead-boring. Doing commentary on this is still fun, though. As other reviewers and commentary writers have said, the author's notes are funnier than the story. And the mere fact that I categorized this earlier on under 'Humor' at least until I changed it to 'SciFi/Fantasy' just proves your theory correct. As for your questions about C'ren, I would still say the same thing as the original. She was denied access to learning and all she was ever taught to do was to pleasure her half-brother, who is in fact, the most abused member of her dysfunctional family.)

And thanks again Neva for backing me up. I'm sorry to break this to you Neva, but if you will actually back me up, do it properly. If you are also telling them to use better grammar and spelling, please do so yourself just like what I've been doing my best at. It's hypocrites, with an e.

(Another sign that I can actually spell, and that I'm a troll. Why in hell would I go from horribly wrong grammar in the first few chapters... to rudely correcting people's grammar [although I'm actually right, but that doesn't mean I'm totally right because I did it in the wrong way]? More of those in the later author's notes. That's already me giving a slight confession that I'm already starting to give up in this challenge and lose my fucking mind.)

As you can see, I've done efforts to improve the spelling/grammar and to allow the plot to develop,

(What I actually meant: This story is a challenge for me to see how far I can go without me having to lose my mind from the horrid grammar to the insipid plot to the offensive author's notes that argue against things I actually agree with. By this point, I've already given up on the grammatical aspect of the challenge.)

just slowly. Things will be at a faster pace later on. Thanks Izzy for actually finding humor in this story when everyone else is raging at me even if your review is still technically a bad review.

(The ultimate sign that I'm a troll. I also wrote this as a satire of bad fanfiction, in the form of bad fanfiction. The epilogue of this story actually has symbolism that relates to this.)

Izzy, also, C'ren was tormented in her childhood so she was denied access to books and learning. No one in the house ever taught her how to read and write. All she was ever taught to do was to pleasure her half-brother.

(Even as Jimmy, I suck at writing sex scenes. I get the weird, awkward fuzzies from writing those scenes, and I hate that feeling. I was never cut out to be a porn writer at all. Notice the apparent lack of vividly-described sex scenes in this fanfic despite the fact that C'ren was raped several times in the past and the fact that she's a hooker. I was supposed to write a sex scene between C'ren and Justin Bieber in the submarine, but I decided not to. The mere thought of it disgusts me. My willpower as Jimmy is just too strong to be controlled just like that by Monica, the rabid Belieber.)

So no, she isn't a dumbass.

(She's a Mary Sue.)

How can she learn many things in such a short span of time? Yeah, perhaps that learning is akin to a man who just got out of the end of a long, dark tunnel and saw the world for the first time.

(No matter how eager a person is to learn anything, it's humanly impossible to be that talented in just four years.)

And if you live in the streets, scavenging is considerably hard just with the fact that you have to dumpster dive and come across disgusting objects just for fleeting nourishment.

(This is actually true and is a serious issue.)

Yes, singing is an advanced skill if you're really good at it.

(Guttural growling is also an advanced skill.)

This guy can sing well AND do guttural growls well, too. Problem?

Lotsaluv from Monica.]

(My commentary is actually longer than the chapter itself. It has been quite a day for the Pink Fire Extinguisher, too. Anyway, back to the boxes of stuff I'm supposed to pack)

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