"You poor unwashed heathen, I shall be jetting in expeditiously. Upon my arrival, I shall be whisked away to your poor little town by those of a social strata of which you are unaccustomed. We shall dine on your curious local offerings, and retire to your insignificant American football game, whereupon I'll further my epicurean exploration and wash said down with your delightfully poor local fruit of the vine.

Later, I will halfheartedly and drunkenly compose a scathing 1000 word indictment about the local goings on, and then jet off to another miserable midewestern burg of similar mediocrity.