Although your mate probably understands why you’re often not in the mood, sex and intimacy are important aspects of a relationship.

So why is your brain sabotaging your love life? Read on to find out. Plus, get expert tips to reignite romance and intimacy.

Chemical ConnectionsYou probably don’t think of your brain as a sex organ, but sexual desire starts in your mind and works down to other body parts.

Normally, brain chemicals called neurotransmitters send blood surging to sex organs when you’re aroused. But in a person with depression, they don’t get the message to your erogenous zones.

“The neurotransmitters serotonin and norephinephrine – the same brain chemicals that [are involved in] depression – are responsible for arousal, sexual interest, the ability to feel pleasure and the whole sequence, from feeling desire through completing a positive sexual experience,” Dr. Haltzman says.

That’s why when your brain’s production of these chemicals is out of whack, your libido is too.

Unfortunately, the most common, effective depression treatment – selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) – send serotonin levels so high that it triggers a drop in dopamine, one of the brain’s pleasure chemicals.

“Generally, we attempt to handle sexual side effects by decreasing the dose or switching medicines,” Dr. Haltzman says. In some cases, doctors can also prescribe hormone therapy or drugs that counter sexual side effects.

Another libido-lifting solution: Your physician may allow you to skip doses.

For example, a doctor may allow you to discontinue your antidepressant after a morning dose and resume it two days later. That reduces its libido-lowering side effects, so you can experience a somewhat normal sex drive, Dr. Haltzman says.

“Many patients skip Friday and Saturday, since those days coincide with dates or having more time with partners versus during the week,” Sapen says. “Although this may hamper spontaneity and confine sexual activities to weekends, it can significantly lessen adverse sexual side effects.”

“It’s not enough to shift [brain] chemicals around with antidepressants,” he says. “You have to treat the whole person.”

Self-image “plays a major role in sexual interest and pleasure,” Sapen says.

Many women with depression don’t feel they deserve pleasure or wonder why a partner would be attracted to them.

They also tend to isolate themselves, ignore physical needs and suppress sexual thoughts or fantasies, and are less likely to communicate likes and dislikes to partners.

Often, they’ve ignored their needs for so long, they aren’t even sure what’s exciting or brings pleasure.

Communicating with your partner shines a light on sexual needs, pleasures and expectations.

If you’re uncomfortable blurting out directions, Sapen suggests alternatives: Watching an adult film together, writing each other love notes detailing a sexy scene you’d like to try or playing a game of risqué charades.

Putting too much pressure on yourself can backfire and prevent you from enjoying intimacy at all. That’s because you should be open to different interpretations of intimacy, Sapen advises.

“Enjoy the whole menu of pleasure and closeness, not just having an orgasm,” he says. “Enjoy nonsexual intimate moments together, such as talking, giving each other a back rub or cuddling on the sofa watching a favorite movie.”

Those acts make you feel closer, which can lead to more sexual pleasure for you both.

Tips to Regain LibidoAs you tweak medicines and turn to psychotherapy, also make time to shift moods.

Don’t go from work, kids, laundry or email directly to a bedroom romp. Instead, create a buffer zone to distance yourself from the daily grind and connect with your body before intimacy.

That way you’ll think of yourself as a woman and sexual person, not only a wife, mother or worker.

“Identifying with being a lover can help you overcome mental exhaustion and open up to intimacy,” Sapen says.

Try Sapen’s 5 suggestions to increase desire.

1. Stimulate your senses of smell, sight, touch, taste and sound.Savor a favorite food instead of gulping it down, or listen to a song you love with your eyes closed, so you can focus on every note. The key element is to become attuned to your physical senses.

2. Keep props on hand. You don’t have to slip into skimpy lingerie: Merely hanging something silky, lacy or frilly on a closet door or keeping a sexual toy in the bedside drawer can be exciting. The visual reminder can help elevate mood and libido. Besides, they’re within arm’s reach if you want to use them.

3. Think yourself sexy. Instead of labeling yourself as a person with depression, think of yourself as a red-hot lover, sexual being or extremely desirable.

4. Rest up. Since fatigue is common in people with depression, getting 8 hours of sleep a night will give you the energy to enjoy sex.

5. Go for garlic. Skip oysters; serve garlic bread instead. Research conducted by Alan Hirsch, M.D., founder and neurological director of the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago, found that the smell of garlic bread promotes positive communication with loved ones. And communicating all those “sweet nothings” to each other often leads to intimate moments.

All this reinforces a couple’s connection and intimacy, which Sapen says can deepen sexual connection and lead to more pleasurable experiences.

How Much Do You Know About Depression?Depression is an extremely disabling disorder. Despite all the progress in diagnosing and treating this disease, many people still are in the dark when it comes to understanding depression. How much do you really know? Take this depression quiz, which includes information from Dr. Lawson Wulsin's book, Treating The Aching Heart, and see how well you know fact from fiction.

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