TBI S-O-S! Restoring a Sense-Of-Self after Brain Injury and Concussion

Well, I got THAT done… finally

I thought it would never end – what I filled out was 50-times longer – took me houirs

So, I got this new job offer, right?

And I was told I’d get a link to an offer letter that I would sign.

Well, it didn’t happen exactly that way.

Instead of an offer letter, I got five different emails from two different sources, each having between 1 and 4 links for me to follow to forms I needed to fill out.

Some of the forms were quick and easy. I did them on my tablet at lunch yesterday.

Some of the forms were exhaustive. Oh my God, was there a lot of information I had to plug in. On top of it all, my laptop was freezing up, because I had do sort through a whole bunch of past emails and documents to find the details on the exact days when I started and ended jobs, as well as the exact amount I was making. At my last full-time job, the number was not an even amount, and the bonus I was eligible for (max) was also not round number.

Holy crap. Panic. I don’t know why I thought I could escape filling out all that paperwork. Maybe I just forgot what an exhaustive thing it is. Or I figured that since I’m contracting, I would never have to do it again, because they don’t need so-so-much info on you, when you’re marginal.

But I was clearly smokin’ bananas, and last night, starting around 8:15, I commenced on what I thought was a simple task. It ended up being almost a 3-hour project, and I only got done at 11:00 p.m. I triple checked all my information — and I saved a copy of it, dammit. What a pain in the ass.

On the bright side, I now know where to find all the information, and thank God I did actually save it. In the past, I just flitted from job to job and didn’t give it much thought. I could dredge up that info without too much trouble. But my brain isn’t as facile / speedy / nonchalant about details / effortless as it used be, and this was a slog.

Or maybe it’s always been a slog, and I just conveniently forgot. Like people tend to forget horrible, traumatic experiences. Like childbirth. I’ve never done it myself, but I have women friends who swore, immediately after their first one, that they’d never do it again… only to have another child two years later – and do it without hesitation.

Not that I’m comparing filling out employment forms with bringing new life into the world, but you know what I mean.

Anyway, that’s done. I emailed the recruiter about that offer letter, which I suspected I’d missed. I did, after all, completely miss the first email with the massive 10-page form that collected all my vitals, including details on my last three jobs, which I just wanted to put behind me. Clearly, you can’t just discard the past. It follows you everywhere.

Especially when you want to get a new job.

So there it is.

And now I’m holding steady, waiting for the offer letter and confirmation that we’re good to go, so I can get on with the rest of my life. I know how I’m going to play it — I’m going to ask for 4 weeks to get everything squared away, and then set about putting together a “playbook” for transition, to show people how to do the things that I’ve been doing.

It’s not rocket science. The main ingredient is willingness. If people are disengaged and in self-protection mode and unwilling to even try to learn new things and do what’s right… or they’re just plain lazy… then all the preparation in the world won’t help them get it done. But for anyone who is willing to learn and has the right attitude, this can be done.

In any case, staffing is not my responsibility. Making sure there is redundancy is not my responsibility. That’s handled at a completely different level.

My job is to show up and perform. And since I can’t really do that to the extent possible in my present job, I’ll just take my business somewhere else.

Oh, and make a copy of everything I filled out, so if I ever need to do it again, I’ll have the information.

Onward.

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Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot.
I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life.
It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.
View all posts by brokenbrilliant

The blog today has me looking towards your “play book”. You write so many raw truths and then give off a hope vibe somehow. I wish you the best on your search. Oh yeah, I get stuck on details sometimes in other’s blogs and I’m finally aware of my need to clarify communications in order to understand meaning. When you say “conveniently forgot” do you mean that you put less effort into remembering or that the memory or communication part of the brain sometimes misses information and that later turns out to be a good thing. I guess that the level of sarcasm sometimes flies over my injured mind and this blog is a form of communication that is important to me because it helps me and motivates me and informs me. Sometimes, I just don’t want to think of asking anybody a clarifying question because it reveals how dumb I am or how I feel. This was the hardest thing to deal with in a practical sense after months past and I became functional. For those new to the Tbi world or coming to grips with subtle autistic traits both of which can leave you jobless and asking “what happened” I urge you to not fear revealing your problems with context and
/or sarcasm (incoming in my situation) especially after you have proved yourself competent enough. Take that chance because if you don’t and communication and ego bump heads, you may have preferred letting them into that reality. Peace!

Hi Luka, when I say “conveniently forgot”, I mean that I might have put something out of my mind so I don’t have to think about it anymore. I’m not sure if it’s intentional or not, but it’s convenient for the rest of my life, because I don’t have to be bothered by uncomfortable memories. And then, sometimes it is out of my control, and my memory just fails me — whether or not it seems beneficial to the rest of my life.

No worries about stuff flying over your head. I sometimes come across as flippant and dismissive and sometimes disrespectful (which is a real problem with my in-laws in the Deep South), when I don’t mean to. And I often have to explain myself to people because who don’t have any neuro issues (that they know of) when they don’t get what I mean. A friend of mine tells me that people generally think they understand a lot less than they do, so those of us who can perceive gaps in communication and can address them, are actually ahead of the curve.

So, no worries.

Also, I’m terrible at discerning sarcasm, as well. Thank heavens for the t.v. show “Big Bang Theory”, so the general populace has had a chance to get used to a character who doesn’t get sarcasm. My coworkers get a kick out of me drawing a blank, when they get sarcastic — which is a lot. They often pause a moment to see if I’m keeping up, and then say, “By the way, that was sarcasm – I didn’t mean it sincerely.” And no hard feelings. We all just roll with it. And nobody thinks anything of it.

If anything, they might take me for having Asperger’s, which in a high-tech environment, can actually work in my favor. Apparently, Bill Gates is an “Aspie”. Or so I’ve heard.

In any case, you’re not dumb — you just feel that way. I’m the same way. Other people can never see how much of an idiot I feel like I am… and that’s good. Because if everyone agreed with me, I’d be out of a job, a house, and probably everything else good in my life. So, I keep it to myself. And I operate on the assumption that I’m wrong about so many other things… I might be wrong about myself, as well.