Okay, I missed a day of blogging. I have not missed any days of running, however.

I did my one mile tonight on the treadmill. It was a gloomy, overcast day. I woke up tired, coffee didn’t help. I ran a couple of errands in the middle of the day (including a trip to the dog park with Rusty…and no other dogs). So that left me the treadmill, which I don’t mind at all. Especially when it’s just one mile.

I knew within one minute of starting my run that this could have been a fantastic long workout for me. I also knew I couldn’t let that happen. It was quite frustrating.

The way my legs were working, the way my lungs were moving, my form, everything was right for this to be a great workout.

But it wouldn’t have been smart. It would have been too much. My legs have been a little sore, and I know I increased mileage way too fast from last week to this week. Knowing my body, I know it wasn’t dangerously fast, just faster than advised. (9 miles to 18 miles).

It’s pretty obvious to me what I’m going to learn from doing at least one mile a day from Thanksgiving until Christmas – restraint. Sticking to a schedule, and when I’m only doing a one mile run, only do one mile. I did it tonight, which gives me hope for learning this lesson.

Today proved to be an excellent day for cleaning the office. I certainly wasn’t going to get any work done (although, I did as someone called 4 (FOUR) days late to run a payroll for the end of the month).

Anyway, got rid of a table, several boxes of books and stuff, and two file cabinets. Vacuumed, wipes surfaces, I even cleaned the printer. Crazy. Rusty, of course, was not happy about the vacuum. But he put up with it more readily than usual. I dare say, he might be getting used to it.

Rusty and I also stopped at the dog park. Training with Samantha, and having spent time at the dog park with her, I have such a strong opinion on how you and your dog should act at the dog park.

I know several owners by sight that I know I don’t like how they let their dogs act. I keep a very close eye on Rusty, and if he starts humping (which he does, especially with golden retrievers, and especially when he’s tired), I know to immediately stop it.

One of owners there today had her two dogs with her. They are of a breed that is large, dominant, and while very sweet, can be very threatening if they aren’t handled well. Together with two to three other dogs of the same breed, they tortured Rusty one day at the dog park, so much that he and I left. (By tortured, I mean they ganged up and chased him and tried to dominate him, when he clearly wanted no part of it, and they owners weren’t even watching. They were sitting and talking at the other end of the park.)

Today, I just noticed that she also lets her male dog hump much longer than is appropriate before calling him off another dog.

I want to be clear, this breed is not one that is considered an aggressive breed. The ‘aggressive breed’ designation is something I’m wholeheartedly against, anyway. There are no bad dogs, only bad owners.

Of course, I don’t say anything to the owner at the dog park. All of our dogs have bad habits that we just can’t control (mine will run at any cat. Ever. And nips at ankles, because that’s what his herding nature tells him to do). Maybe this is the worst thing her dog does. It’s her behavior I don’t like. If only ever trip to the dog park could be with the trainer, who has the authority and confidence to tell people they’re not controlling their dogs as is expected at the dog park.

And regardless, it’s not like her behavior was a detriment to anybody’s fun.

Most of you who know me know that I like a good challenge. In fact, I LOVE a good challenge. I love challenges to the point of being a little ridiculous about being willing to take them on. (Have you met my dog? Biggest challenge ever. And most rewarding.)

Of course, I think this goes along a little with being a perfectionist. How can I be perfect if I don’t rise to every occasion? I fight perfectionism at every turn, but I feel like taking every challenge is part of that. Because I will not succeed at every challenge, and it is good for me to fail. Taking challenges is actually a great fight against perfectionism. What perfectionism tells you to do is be wary of starting something at which you may not succeed.

These are two challenges at which I intend to not fail.

From Thanksgiving until Christmas I intend to 1) run at least one mile every day. Some days I will run more, but I will run at least one every day. * barring serious illness. 2) I will blog every day. It doesn’t have to be long, but it has to be real.

Why am I doing this? As for running, I need something to keep me in line. I’ve been up and down this year with running. Great, awful, great, awful. I need something to get me started every day, even if I don’t do more than that mile. I need to be fully into it by the start of January, because next year is a new year.

The blogging? I think I have good things to say. I think people should read them. But this blog has been relatively dormant for many years, and in order to get people to read it, and to find my comfortable voice, I have to practice.

I am in the middle of reading Wil Wheaton’s ‘Just a Geek’. It’s a really great, easy read. It’s entertaining, it’s emotional, and it’s funny. One of the things Wheaton struggles with in learning to write is to be open, to not hide behind the voices in his head that tell him he can’t be perfectly honest on the internet. The voices that tell him to put on a strong face, to be non-confrontational, and upbeat, even when he’s feeling at his lowest.

There is so much truth in this struggle. Where do you draw the line between reveling too much and sounding like you’re holding too much in? How much of yourself do you let out to let people know about the real you, and how much do you hold in to prevent the internet’s hostile and anonymous underworld of scum from attacking everything you hold dear.

For Wheaton, the answer eventually came that he was able to tell the internet scum to go f*** themselves and troll somewhere else. And if you follow his internet presence at all, you know that is something he still does to this day.

Do you have the courage to do that? Do I? I hardly even tell my facebook friends I have a blog. What if they visit once and never come to read again? Only my closest friends really know this place exists. I want to write more, but if I’m afraid to tell anyone it’s here, who am I writing for? I might as well just keep a journal.

1) I love you. It’s simple, easy, and true. It forces the person saying it to remember it, and to think about why it’s true, and it makes the person hearing it feel good. My partner and I make a point of saying it every day, even if we have to say it through gritted teeth or tears.

2) We can work this out. If you’re having an argument, it’s important for all parties to know you’re both willing to put in the work to get through it.

3) I appreciate it when you _____. Be sincere, not sarcastic. It’s easy to take our significant others for granted, and it’s easy to make them feel like they’re not.

4) I want you to be happy about the way you look. Because really, isn’t that what’s important? If your partner is happy about themselves, you’ll be happier about them. If your partner genuinely has body image issues, it’s something you have to acknowledge and work on together.

5) Thank you. Politeness doesn’t end at the doorstep. Even if your own house, common courtesy of please and thank you goes a long way. Last night my partner and I made a point of making the other one say ‘please’ to do something around the house we were both happy to do anyway. But saying thank you is another easy, sincere way to make a partner feel valued. Even if it’s something that’s a chore, that you always do, that you demanded your partner do once, say thank you. You lose nothing by saying please and thank you.

6) I was wrong / I’m sorry. Look, I’m right almost all the time. Like, always. But sometimes, I am wrong (crazy, right?). I may also have a slight problem with perfectionism and staying humble. But I know nothing makes my partner feel validated like me admitting I made a mistake. There’s a line here, though. If you find yourself apologizing for yourself too often, you may be on the bad end of a relationship where rights and wrongs aren’t shared and where you aren’t validated.

7) Can I ____? You shouldn’t have to ask permission to go to the bathroom. Or buy a shirt. Or make plans with friends. But to post relationship details on facebook? Or tell a close friend an intimate detail about your partner? Be sure to have your reasons ready, and give your partner time to explain their side to you if they are uncomfortable with it. And remember us introverts needs time to think through these things and put together an argument. Social media is not a place for vetting relationship secrets or disagreements.

8) I am hurting. I don’t mean complain all the time. I mean admit when you’re going through a hard section of your life. Your partner wants to know. And if you don’t tell them what’s hurting, they might interpret it as a problem with them. Partners are there to help each other get through the hard parts of life. Let them know you need them.

9) We’re good together. Because if you’re not, what’s the point? Move on.

10) Don’t be a dick / You’re being rude. Because we all need to be brought back down to earth sometimes, and be called out for just not being nice to other people. Whether it’s our partners, our friends, or complete strangers on the receiving end of our unpleasantness, it’s the partner’s job to tell us. Sorry sweetie

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