Self-realisation

Final words- I love you, too

I miss you
In our last conversation on Christmas of ’14
You told me you loved me
I was too engrossed in my silliness to say it back
We sent a couple of ‘lol’s back and forth
Before the coversation ended like it should

You didn’t text the next day
(We weren’t so particular about talking everyday only when we had stuff to talk about)
I had nothing to say too
Days passed
And it was the 29th
You had been seen online in the morning
I texted in the afternoon
No reply, day one
No reply, day two
It slipped my mind eventually

I had been talking to people on whatsapp
When a call from a friend came in
(He didn’t even know you)
He asked if i knew you
And at that point
I sensed something was wrong
He said you were dead.
Nope
Nope
Nope
I thought maybe on your way to school you’d had an accident but you were fine
You know how rumours spread.
You were not dead.
The line went dead after so much panic
He didn’t know I loved you
He called back
And I asked him to be serious
He said he was told by someone in your church
And that’s when my heart fell.
It fell and shattered.
My hands were shaky
My legs couldn’t carry me
No no no
Ogechukwu, you are NOT dead.
No no no
You are not a dying type now
No
You never even told me you were sick
No.

You had died a week before I found out
You were dead all the while I was living without sorrow
When I celebrated the new year you were fighting for your life
I didn’t know
I didn’t call you
I wasn’t there for you when you needed me the most
You needed my prayers and I couldn’t offer them
You prayed for me in every given chance.
You prayed for me.
And I could not offer a prayer for you in your dying hour.
I could not
“You never know what you have until you lose it”

During the earlier years of our friendship we fought like cat and dog.
But now, Ogechukwu, we were fine now. We were. We had found a common ground. We had learnt to find God in ourselves. You heightened my relationship with God. Because every time I asked how you did things so well you always said it was God.

I know you are in Heaven.
For real.
You came to say ‘Hi’ that night I cried myself to sleep?
You woke me up and smiled at me
Didn’t see it,
I sensed it
It was your smile
Ever graceful and peaceful
You had no braces on
You were happy.
Perfectly happy
And not just any Angel escorted you
The Lion of The Tribe of Judah did
He roared right before you left
A roar of assurance
You were okay
You were perfectly okay.
You are perfectly okay.