This listing hit Craigslist in Raleigh, N.C. a week ago and immediately went to its best-of archive. As a former resident of North Carolina's capital city, I can tell you that this guy is neither the hero we deserve, nor the one we need right now.

I am preparing to make my debut as Raleigh's first masked Crime-Fighter/Caped-Crusader/Masked Avenger/Protector of Truth and the Innocent, and am in need of a sidekick. Perhaps you have seen my post in the [Raleigh News & Observer] regarding this position opening. I need someone who is available nights and weekends, and who can supply their own costume. I have a car that will be the crime fighting mobile, as yet to be named (that name depends upon the name I chose for my crime-fighting alter ego).

If this is Captain Cary, then you're riding shotgun in a Saab or a Volvo. If we're talking about the Green Garner, hello Camaro.

It would be cool if you could help out with gas money sometimes, though, if I happen to be short here and there. Discretion is a must as no one must learn of our TRUE IDENTITIES! If they are compromised, so will be our crime-fighting efficacy.

And our means to either get laid or get a real job, presumably the two reasons we're reading Craigslist in the first place.

This is more of an unpaid internship type situation, so if you're looking to get rich, this might not be for you. Although I would not be surprised if we are presented the KEY TO THE CITY soon after our criminal-foiling commences. If you're looking to fight evil in all its forms and be a beacon of truth and justice, then you have come to the right place. Please send a resume to this post in response.

Qualifications: Irradiation optional, dead parents preferred.

All serious applicants considered. Finalists will be granted a masked "face-to-face" interview in my secret lair, after which, if you are hired, you will learn my TRUE IDENTITY. This is not a sexual thing, although I think we should wear fairly tight-fitting costumes, as we will be scaling fire escapes and leaping from rooftop to rooftop,

All six of them in Raleigh.

and will have enough to deal with having capes, much less baggy shorts or something of the like. I should mention that my costume so far consists of a kelly green cape, so that color is taken. You should be encouraged, however, to know that you will be free to pick your own color scheme and costume. I only ask that it semi-compliment mine.

Hint: If you pick red, we're going to be called The Christmas Crusaders by the N&O.

I will not discriminate on basis of gender, religion, race, or anything like that- but if someone is pretty buff it is a no-brainer that they will move to the front of the line.

Because that will lessen the odds I get my ass kicked by a 54-year-old man in the parking lot outside the PR.

I will consider a skinny or out-of-shape person with the right attitude, however, as wonders can be done with a little neoprene padding under lycra! I look forward to perusing your resumes, and all reasonable applicant replies will get a response from me, Raleigh's Avenger of Justice and Freedom as yet to be named!