Attack of the crickets

With every house we move into, there’s an epidemic of some sort going on. Can’t we ever move into ONE house with no problems? Is that too much to ask?

With the townhouse, it was the worst. Aggro spiders, mice, and waterbugs so big you could hear their toenails when they scuttled across the floor. In our last house, it was a never ending stream of mice. No matter how many we trapped or killed, more always showed up. Eating our food, crapping in our corning wear, playing in our oven at night; slowly driving me to complete insanity.

This house, thankfully, is nowhere near as disgusting as the previous two- but it has issues of its own. Besides the air conditioning that doesn’t really work and hot water that refuses to stay hot, forcing you to take cold showers, we have another issue that has arisen: crickets.I HATE CRICKETS!!! Not as much as spiders, mind you, but they are one step down the ladder. They’re big, they’re small, they’re disgusting, and they make a tremendous amount of noise… especially when they insist on hiding under your couch.

No matter where I go, I find one; on the couch, on the ceiling, crawling up the walls, hiding behind furniture… they are everywhere! And I don’t know how they are getting in, or how to stop them!

As I sit on the couch tonight, I have the ridiculous concern that suddenly I will feel something tickle at the backs of my heels… and it will be none other than cricket antennae, and I have no way of jumping up and screaming because there is a laptop in my lap, ice on my back, and two kids asleep upstairs.

How?? Why?!??!

The only upside is that unlike spiders, these stupid little turds don’t bite, and so far are not aggressive- only fantastically evasive. They are zombie crickets. No matter how hard or how many times you smack them, ten minutes later, you see them hopping across your floor only to get away from you again; probably laying eggs for more evil cricket babies to haunt me in my sleep.