Speaking of, Bristol Palin decided to beat her dead high horse by saying that she’ll be the most modestly dressed star ever to grace the show, which is sort of like being the skinniest and bitchiest person at fat camp. But hey, at least the pregnant teenager can preach to us all about how sex is really bad, m’kay?

But lo and behold, the first images of her dress on Dancing has hit the blogonets and … Well, let’s just say someone took the slow train from Philly (read: girl looks like a Grade-A Hooooooooer.) Let’s all point out why she looks like a hooooooer, shall we?

#1: For a good ol’ fashioned Alaskan girl, somebody’s a bit of a tanning slut, aren’t we? To be fair, poor girl is from Alaska; I’m pretty sure she could tan under fluorescent lighting.

#2: …Tassles? Really? Ugh, you look like my grandmother’s lamp. You know, if the lamp at my grandmother’s house was a self-righteous skank who preached abstinence despite spreading them for some backwoods hillbilly without a rubber.

#3: My my my, for such a “modest” costume, someone sure is showing a lot of leg. Although I have to hand it to the girl; she knows how to work the legs. But let’s face it: Bristol’s probably had some practice.

#4: Either Bristol has a really big head or her partner has a really small one.

#5: Let’s take a break from Bristol to discuss her partner. First off, very cute, although he looks like a waiter at Olive Garden. Second, he’s either gay or doing a very good job of pretending to be gay so that he doesn’t end up being Bristol’s second baby daddy!