Customer: “Yes, I placed a carry-out order there tonight and it’s all f***ed up!!”

Me: “Ok ma’am, I’m sure we can resolve this.”

Customer: “This always happens here.”

Me: “Have you placed a lot of carry-out orders with us within the past few weeks?”

Customer: “Yes, four in the past two weeks, and they were all wrong.”

Me: “Well were they expensive items? Such as our 20oz porterhouse or our foie gras? Or were they cheaper items such as potato skins?”

Customer: “Both. Mostly porterhouse steaks though. And I want free food to make up for all of this, and I want it delivered.”

Me: “Well ma’am, I’d be happy to do that.”

Customer: “You’d better be!”

Me: “May I have your name, and address so I can have these delivered?”

Customer: “Amy ***. My address is ***.”

Me: “Thank you, ma’am. Just so you know, we have never carried a porterhouse steak, or foie gras. Nor have we had potato skins in the past 5 years. By the way, we have not done carryout for 7 months. And to top it off the police will soon be heading over to that address that you so graciously gave to me; undermining a store keeper is a crime in this city. Have a nice night.”