olio n. (OH-lee-oh): a miscellaneous mixture; a hodgepodge

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It has been a while since I have written a blog post. I have started and stopped writing over the past year. I write one and then it doesn’t feel like me, so I never publish it. In the past few weeks/months I have been doing a lot of exploring, reading, and questioning. What does motherhood look like for me? What do I want out of life? Am I in the right job? Do I enjoy my life? What is missing? How am I not pushing myself to grow to my life’s potential?

I am not new at this game. There are millions and millions of mothers out there that work or stay at home. We all ponder if we are enough, if we have enough, if we are giving and loving enough. Nothing I am telling you is new. I keep wondering if I should let go of the corporate world and do something different, if I should change careers, and after talking to someone a few weeks ago, they said something so simple:

“Do you have to give up anything? Can you do it all?”

There are days when I can do it all, and there are days when my brain is so thoroughly wrung out, fried, and everything is taken from me that I feel I have nothing to give. Usually the universe is laughing at me because those are the days when Nico wakes up in the middle of the night with a night terror about pizza (yes, that happened a few nights ago).

What I am learning right now is that I do not have to have it figured all out. The more I live in the moment, the faster things work out. Whether it be that urge to go get a coffee (when really I do not want one) only to run into someone I really needed to talk to that day. Or, to be listening and clear and the thought comes to me that I do not need to be in the meeting that is full of mansplainers that are driving me crazy — repeating just what I and other women in the room already said. So I can make a choice. I can get up and leave, call them out, or mentally check out of the meeting and ponder more important things. Or, maybe it is that moment when you know you need to text a friend and you are not sure why, but you do and find out they needed some extra TLC from you that day.

So take a deep breath, know that you do not have to figure it all out, and you might actually be able to do it all. Oh, and those mansplainers? Just breathe in and out and decide if they are worth any of your energy.