Ryan Lochte knows exactly what he wants. He wants to be Kim Kardashian — and isn’t ashamed to admit it. “Kim started from pretty much nothing, and now everyone everywhere knows who she is,” he says. “That’s what I want to do.” Lochte pulls a gray beanie down over his ears and collapses onto a sofa on the roof deck of the Thompson Beverly Hills. It’s March 5, and the 28-year-old swimmer is in Los Angeles to promote his new E! series, What Would Ryan Lochte Do?, which premieres April 21. He has shed the designer Tom Ford duds he wore for his THR shoot (a polished look he’s still getting used to, admitting he only learned how to tie a tie three weeks earlier while in Washington, D.C.) in exchange for a more casual look: a white button-down, khakis and sneakers. As well known for his six-pack abs, “playa” reputation and oversize sneaker collection as he is for his three world records and 11 Olympic medals (including five golds), Lochte sees no reason why he can’t follow Kardashian’s trajectory. “I’ve seen what E! has done in the past with reality shows like hers,” he says admiringly of his network co-star, whom he has not yet met. “Today, she’s huge.” Lochte doesn’t want to miss his moment, and he’s sure this is it. “When I walk down the street, people recognize me, and that never happened before,” says the athlete, who’s known to stand outside his hotel to sign every last autograph and pose for countless iPhone photos — even if that means being late to practice. “Now’s my chance.”

I think it’s pretty common knowledge that Ryan Lochte isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. He may look pretty but seemingly every single time he opens his mouth, something stupid comes falling out. Honestly, tho, the interview answers he gives in the video embed above are much less cringe-inducing, so, Yay! him. Truth be told, all of the dumb things that Ryan has ever uttered in the past — combined — does not, IMHO, surpass what he reveals in this interview. I mean, really? Of all the people in the world … Hell, of all the people in reality TV, that is who he wants to emulate? I’m telling you, I want to like the guy … I reaaaaaaally do … but I have a real hard time seeing attractive qualities in someone says the absolute dumbest things. This is why, I think, I’ll be tuning in to watch What Would Ryan Lochte Do? with the sound turned off.

So this is where our society is? He obviously isn’t very bright, but when an Olympian thinks “making it” means being famous for nothing we are in a sad state. When I was a kid Olympians were about discipline and hard-work getting you to the top. Now it’s eff hard work! I’m pretty so I wanna be Kim Kardashian! Jigga-what???