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Motto, Slogan and I

Now, that's a shirt I can get behind!

Whenever I add someone on Facebook, I always look at their “Quotes” section. I instantly gravitate toward it. Most of the time I will find nothing. Periodically, I will get lucky and find a quote from The Bible. It’ll usually be something about how fellowship is “da bomb” or how by the divine grace of “God” the Maccabees used lasers to stage a revolt against the Seleucid Empire. Trust me there’s laser-talk in there, you just have to look between the thous and hosannas. The Old Testament was a wonky testament.

I will get doubly lucky sometimes and find little phrases like, “Dance like no one’s watching!<3” or “You only live once.“

I can’t get enough of these sort of phrases and inspirational messages. I don’t like them because I want to dance like no one’s watching. They are just funny to think about. Honestly, I dance like everyone’s watching and that means not at all. I know I only live once, but maybe with the help of technology and Ted Williams’ head, we can get to the point where that motto no longer applies.

I just think it’s strange how people pass on these little nuggets of wisdom. People share their Life Flashcards.

“Life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself.” Right, I’ll get right on that. Just gotta figure out time travel and send Reese to do it.

It just doesn’t stop at mugs. I still see camo t-shirts that say, “Git ‘er done!”, and it’s a post-Delta Farce world. I see too many 40-somethings wearing camo shirts that say “Juicy” or have the Playboy Bunny on them, which isn’t a slogan but it is saying something. Actually, I still see way too much camo for my liking. If you’re in an urban environment and you’re wearing camo, I’m going to assume you’re an insurgent and must be taken down.

You can’t be too careful these days.

Slogans and mottos are our way of indirectly bonding. I think people hope that some day someone will read what they have put in their quotes section or what’s on their shirt and say, “Yeah, I ‘heart’ boxed wine, too. Cool, now let’s be friends because we have a common sense of humor and interest in alcoholism.”

We’re all trying to set ourselves apart from the crowd somehow. I speculate when a man states a motto in whatever medium he chooses, it’s an attempt to get laid. (Ok, when a guy does anything it’s an attempt to get laid.)

Men and women are sold individualism in our stores, politics and in our media. We can’t place the entire blame on them. Because as good capitalists do, businessmen and women see the authenticity market and sell it to us as much as possible. That’s why we have “ironic” t-shirts and bumper stickers.

Quotes and mottos are our way of sticking our hands up and yelling, “Me me me me me!” That’s ok. We all need attention or we don’t feel appreciated. The problem I see with the excessive use of hackneyed mottos and slogans is just how pointless they’ve become. You’re not persuading someone to seize the day. They’re either going to seize the fuck out of their day or not.

You’re not going to convince someone that somehow murdering a delicious animal is wrong when it’s DELICIOUS!

I assume that most people are as empty as the words on their chest or slice of cyberspace.

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If you were curious, my quotes section reads as such:

“All national institutions of churches, whether Jewish, Christian or Turkish, appear to me no other than human inventions, set up to terrify and enslave mankind, and monopolize power and profit.”
-Thomas Paine

This will never convince someone to give up their religion, but I guess I’m as much of an attention whore as Thomas Paine. “Common Sense” wasn’t written to galvanize the American side of the nascent Revolutionary War. It was some lame attempt by Paine to impress his chica that got a few thousand hillbillies gatted.