The Iowa round of the IndyCar series has her grid set by 3 qualifying races, each one featuring over six minutes of racing. In other words, you may actually want to watch qualifying this week, and you can do so on IndyCar.com on Saturday, June 22nd. And remember, those heat races actually mean something because points are dished out for your eventual starting spot as follows:

9pts for pole,8pts for second, etc.3pts for seventh, eighth2pts for ninth, tenth1pt for eleventh, twelfth

You won't want to miss that battle for tenth. Join us in this here thread for the usual banter during race weekend. Be there or be square, and if you don't wanna be square:

Often, it feels like we just don't need to pay, but we do, and it's our job as honorable citizens throw our money at things we care about.

Well, did you know you can go to jail for watching streams? You can either pay with your money or with your butt.

Such penalties may seem harsh, but they are necessary in modern society.

Please, please, just buy a sports package from your local cable supplier.

Or if you can't, watch the race at the bar and support local businesses!

Right or wrong, the people who make our laws know what's best for us.

This is why our brave troops defend our freedom.

So remember: if you watch the race on a stream, you hate our heroes.

Iowa joined the United States in 1846, 70 years after the United States declared independence and 42 years after Will Power assured everyone he was bound to win a race again one of these days. The road course/street course/oval/rally/hillclimb/drag strip/dirt/ice/tarmac/snow specialist remains convinced, however, he is still the best driver on the grid, which confused current championship leader Hélio Castroneves, since the points standings say something else. The Iowa round of the championship has been one of the more entertaining races on the calendar in recent years and past races are fondly remembered as a couple of the dozens of things that have happened in Iowa. Past winners include Tony Kanaan, Dario Franchitti, and Dan Wheldon. Past losers include the fans.

For you lucky bastards who managed to pick a box of Corn Flakes with race tickets inside them this week, here is our obligatory circuit map with a handy legend for everything you might need on your trip to the American heartland:

What happened last year? For that matter, what the hell happened last week? Ryan Hunter-Reay won at Milwaukee, driving like everyone else was just running and dragging their cars behind them. Takuma Sato looked threatening but was boned by an unlucky yellow flag. Marco Andretti looked strong but his car let him down, causing him to then complain as though this sort of thing had never happened to anyone before. Hélio Castroneves finished second, and therefore climbed only a smaller, secondary fence he keeps in his trailer. Will Power finished third. As for last year, Ryan Hunter-Reay won that too, proving that he's not just a pretty face, or even one. The 2012 Iowa Corn 250 also saw Marco Andretti finish second, Tony Kanaan finish third, and all the rest of us 2 hours closer to death. It was a pivotal point in the season for eventual champ RHR, who arrived fashionably late to the title chase. Marco Andretti was fashionably uninvited.

As for what's happened since the last race, this screen grab of IndyCar's homepage sums the past week up nicely enough:

The biggest talking point going into this season was the scrap between Honda and Chevrolet. Envisioned to be a titanic war something like our version of the Senna vs. Prost battles, after 9 rounds of the championship it is beginning to look more like the battle between Hiroshima and the Enola Gay. Honda has won only 3 of the 9 events so far this year, and Chevrolets sit pretty on the top 3 places of the current standings (Takuma Sato is the highest-placed Honda, in 4th).

So you've never watched IndyCar before and you don't know who to cheer for? No problem: pick a driver you like, and throw empty whiskey bottles at your family and friends when he doesn't win! There are 22 full-time drivers in IndyCar this year. Hey, that's like F1!

Takuma SatoDrives for Foyt and has a win already this year. His career since drifting over from Formula 1 may be best explained as a weekly internal battle inside the commentators not to use the banzai and kamikaze references that fit oh-so perfectly.

Ryan Hunter-ReayNice guy, likes fishing. Defending series champ, too. Controversial among IndyCar fans, who can't decide if it's the lack of tits or the lack of personality keeping him from becoming a household name. Of course, it's also possible the fans just suck.

Alex TaglianiOldest driver on the grid. You often forget he's in the race, until he forgets he's in the race, and then you remember he's in the wall.

Scott Dixon2-time series champ. A fun guy to cheer for in years past, but this season his car seems to be made up of all the parts that fell off of his teammate's car at the previous race, with an engine stuck together with grease from Dario's hair.

Dario Franchitti4-time series champ. Expected to win all the time and usually does, but has been doing suspiciously poorly this year. Hated by many due to a decade's worth of Indy 500 final laps being missed thanks to TV cameras showing his wife and where her boobs would have been instead. In fairness Dario seems like a decent guy off the track, but cheering for any part of the Ganassi empire is like going to the casino and cheering for the house.

Charlie KimballSponsored by the Novo Nordisk Flexpen, which can write upside down, inside out, under water, and in space: all places Kimball regularly ends up during the race.

Justin WilsonFormer F1 driver with Minardi and Jaguar. A very tall driver, he often gains an advantage during restarts from being able to see the green flag waving above the heads of the 25 drivers ahead of him. One to watch this weekend as he's debuting new hardware: his team has bowed to the inevitable and relabled the Push-2-Pass button on Wilson's steering wheel to the Push-2-Be-Passed-Next-Lap button.

Simona de SilvestroBlossoming talent with a bright future as a pit-lane reporter. Usually heard from around lap 30. A near-perfect doppleganger for Shay Laren, though sadly only from the neck up.

Graham RahalYoungster who won his 2nd ever IndyCar race at the age of 19 and has managed to surf off it for the past four seasons. Formerly Lebanese.

James JakesAnother lanky Englishman who used to be best remembered for being entirely forgettable. Managed an excellent 2nd place in Detroit last month, however, and seems to be on the rise to stardom.

Simon PagenaudChamp Car veteran. You forget he's been around as long as he has, sort of like you do with Carly Rae Jepsen. Scored the first win of his IndyCar career at Detroit this year, which is a bit like losing your virginity in the back of a garbage truck, to a garbage truck.

BOOM! Now copy and paste this to all other IndyCar threads and that'll keep those 3 guys from Europe who watch quit.

[*]So remember: if you watch the race on a stream, you hate our heroes.

Quoted for truth! Again though, this only impacts those 3 guys who usually sit around the pub in the middle of Britain drinking cheap beer and wishing they knew what time the race started so they could go home to watch.

For you lucky bastards who managed to pick a box of Corn Flakes with race tickets inside them this week, here is our obligatory circuit map with a handy legend for everything you might need on your trip to the American heartland:

Got mine in a box of Corn Pops.

Alex Tagliani
Oldest driver on the grid. You often forget he's in the race, until he forgets he's in the race, and then you remember he's in the wall.

Wifey is gone though. Means less odd boobage. And if Kanaan could get better, we could see some more of his new wife, or Hinch could be more consistent, his Aussie lady friend could poke her head out in the open.

You read it! You can't un-read it!

Well thank you. 20 minutes I won't be getting back anytime soon. I could have had a beer during that time. Or a good bathroom visit, or even spent some time being glad I had safe search off when I googled Shay Laren. But no, those will be for later because I read this post.

Thanks guys, a little bit of effort goes a long way. Sorry to all those who opened this thread before Ross reminded me not eveyone has a giant monitor . My number one rule of comedy is.. none of the links lead to what they should.

A wonderful opening post with all the key information - I certainly won't need to unnecessarily ask for times this week, and I sure as hell hope I won't need to ask for a stream!

If you read the first letter of every reason why streams are evil, no one will need to ask for one..

Takuma SatoDrives for Foyt and has a win already this year. His career since drifting over from Formula 1 may be best explained as a weekly internal battle inside the commentators not to use the banzai and kamikaze references that fit oh-so perfectly.

Also people seem to not understand banzai/kamikaze is pretty much racist remark. Banzai is expression of joy and praise, and kamikaze refers to "benevolent wind", an expression in ancient poems. If SoL is used to mean slave trade, elizabeth to mean exploitation、 matador to mean genocide, ferrari to mean fascism etc then it's inappropriate and surely people would feel unhappy. It's the same.

I'm pretty sure nearly everyone on this board who follows IndyCar is a fan of Sato and wants him to do well. As for words like kamikaze and banzai, in a racing sense they are nothing short of compliments. Indeed, I'd be prepared to bet quite a lot of money that banzai and kamikaze in a racing context are terms of affection.

I'm pretty sure nearly everyone on this board who follows IndyCar is a fan of Sato and wants him to do well. As for words like kamikaze and banzai, in a racing sense they are nothing short of compliments. Indeed, I'd be prepared to bet quite a lot of money that banzai and kamikaze in a racing context are terms of affection.

that's very poor excuse, sorry. I know things well.

I know more people cheer Sato. But can you really deny he's being made clown here (not just here but many other board tho)? Those who just shout "SATO!" and put stupid pics or joke about it really cheer Sato? I doubt it.

and dont tell an obvious lie about banzai/kamikaze. Such thing as "racing senes" doesnt exist. Why did you put pic of crashing car to be refered by banzai/kamikaze in the first place if they're terms of affection then? They are NEVER used to describe "beautiful pass" or "excellent battle". No way. They ONLY means negatives, mostly describes idiotic, suicidal, brain-fade, failed conducts, in WHATEVER context. At best, in "racing context", they are used to describe rather forceful/risky way of overtaking (late braking, dive inside and squeeze pass), even then it's not positive. Dont even need to reconfirm once again or be told about such basic thing. I know it, you know it and everyone knows it.

I know more people cheer Sato. But can you really deny he's being made clown here (not just here but many other board tho)? Those who just shout "SATO!" and put stupid pics or joke about it really cheer Sato? I doubt it.

and dont tell an obvious lie about banzai/kamikaze. Such thing as "racing senes" doesnt exist. Why did you put pic of crashing car to be refered by banzai/kamikaze in the first place if they're terms of affection then? They are NEVER used to describe "beautiful pass" or "excellent battle". No way. They ONLY means negatives, mostly describes idiotic, suicidal, brain-fade, failed conducts, in WHATEVER context. At best, in "racing context", they are used to describe rather forceful/risky way of overtaking (late braking, dive inside and squeeze pass), even then it's not positive. Dont even need to reconfirm once again or be told about such basic thing. I know it, you know it and everyone knows it.

Wow, your jimmies really are rustled. I personally have never made a Kamikaze/banzai remark though. I am a big Sato fan and he is the only person I pull for in IndyCar. I always post picks of the driver, and the comic sans is something I started just for fun when I did the OP for Sao Paulo.

I only speak for myself though. I am sure the rest of them are the intentional bigots you make them out to be.

Sato's great fun to watch on track and one of the best things to happen in Indy car for a while. I'm always rooting for the guy. Meanwhile, I don't see anyone complaining about the good-natured fun being directed at the other competitors.