Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Out of My System

I saw The Bruiser when I was home a few weeks ago. And to be honest, I was really scared to see him. He’s always been my Exception, regardless of who I was dating. It didn’t matter how much I liked the person I was with, I could never say no when the opportunity to spend a night with The Bruiser presented itself. If he had told me that he wanted to be with me, I would have broken up with whoever I was dating immediately to be with him. And so, yeah, I was worried about how I would feel when I saw him after all these months apart. This was heightened by the fact that he’d kept in touch with me after I moved, and I would hear from him once every few weeks telling me that he missed me or that he was thinking about me.

At The Bar, he came over and said hi and was completely and totally normal. He was my friend. Which was all I’d ever asked of him, really. It was nice. I felt really good about it. And after closing, a group of us went back to his place. Him and I ended up alone in a room and the opportunity to hook up presented itself. And for the first time in my entire life, I didn’t want it. It wasn’t even a difficult decision, and I didn’t have to wrestle with myself to “do the right thing.” I just… didn’t. I wanted Jesus. Yeah, there will always be feelings between The Bruiser and me. We have a connection that will never go away. But now I can say that it is not worth jeopardizing the most fantastic relationship I’ve ever been in for that fleeting connection with someone that doesn’t truly want to be with me.

I’m happy with the person I’m with, and it feels really good to be able to say that. And I can now say that The Bruiser was my Exception, and not that he is my Exception.