A Farewell Letter to my Best Friend

You were a living cliche – easily my best friend – who was forced to leave me and the rest of your admirers entirely too soon. We’ll never forget all that you gave us over the last five years.

I’m forever going to miss my welcome home bark – one stern, intimidating bark – followed by your insistence to be petted immediately. God forbid that my bladder was about to burst or I was on an important phone call and unable to pet you as I walked in the door. To you that was clearly unacceptable, which was always evident by your punching the bathroom door open as I tried to close it behind me or by your refusal to stop barking until I get put the phone aside to pet you. Who is going to provide me with such a cozy welcome home now?

I’m going to miss sharing the bed with you, even though you knew it was against the rules and almost physically impossible. I love how you knew when I was drunk and an easy target to push off the bed so you could have it yourself. I thoroughly enjoyed waking up on the hardwood floor with your big ass looking down on my hungover body, judging…

I’m going to miss how you demanded attention over the television. It always started subtle, but eventually led to you blocking my line of sight and then climbing on my lap. I’m going to miss how you either miscalculated your size and/or didn’t give a shit what I was watching.

More important than the TV…

More important than the TV!

I’m going to miss feeding you steaks once a year on your birthday and waking up to the sound of you regurgitating some foreign object 45 minutes before my alarm clock was set to go off. I’m going to miss you lunging at other dogs, humping expensive dog beds I’ve purchased, and the sound of you cleaning yourself in a pitch black room.

I’m even going to miss your potty training days when the roommates and I nicknamed you the Hudson River because you walked around the house and pissed without any warning to the rest of us.

Hudson River

You pissed, on average, for no less than a minute straight. It wasn’t normal, but then again neither were you and that’s part of the reason I loved you so much. But then again, you were loyal above anyone else in my life. I’m especially going to miss the smiles you brought to my face when I didn’t think my present mood would allow it. That was your greatest gift, and I can only sit here now and hope that I was able to return the favor during our brief time together.