You have the option of agreeing to 50/50 or you have the option of a $50,000 custody fight.

If the children didn't want to go to school, would you let them stay home? If you were going to your parents at Christmas and they wanted to stay home and play video games would you agree?

The fact that the children don't want to go is not enough reason AT THIS TIME. When they get older they will have a choice. DON'T START ASKING "When can I let them choose?" That is called Parental Alienation, don't start feeding choices too them. That IS grounds for you to lose custody.

When my son was 5 he didn't want to go to his mom's, he wanted to stay with me? He cried when I dropped him off. How do you think I should have handled it? I handled it by keeping dropping him off and gently explaining that he gets time with both of us.

Your ex is maybe not the world's greatest parent but you cannot control that, you cannot change him, the courts won't listen to the things you mention and you are getting worked up over things you can't change.

If the children spend time at their grandparents that is not a bad thing, it is not something you personally should control or decide and it isn't something to spend $50,000 on a custody fight over.

The biggest thing that will harm the children is if their parents start fighting over them. Don't do it. You have an existing compromise, offer your ex help and compassionate advice, not harsh criticism and maybe he will pull up his socks.