Ancient Tales of a Kingdom not Unlike One You Know

Month: November 2016

As the reign of Gambrach rolled on, the twelfth month of his appointment of his Council came to pass. The people cast the eyes of their minds back over the year to consider all the Council had achieved over the year. Lo, they looked, and what they saw stretched to the ends of what their minds’ eyes could see. Behold, it was a gigantic, stupendous, impressively robust agglutination of nothing and hot air.

Osinoshin the Comer Comelion was still coming and going with dreams of what the King would someday do. Yudo Mah had lost the coinage of the land to the demon Missingstopheles, Shittinski had spent the entire year admiring his newly sequinned glove. Fasholas, past Giderian king, had spent it blaming the reign of Gejoshaphat for his confoundment. Kem Shun had grown increasingly reticent, perhaps because there was no longer anything new that could be said. Mefilius to tinker with the coin with skoinskoin, the ancient financial philosophy of Wan Tchans, leading to a recessive depression in the land.

The people cried out to Gambrach, believing there was a balm in the Gilead of Bedrock but Gambrach had other things on his mind. Asos, his daughter the fair maiden, was to be wed with the son of Noodles, man of great wealth. And when the wedding was announced, unchill swept through the land, for Asos was only a score and one year old, and as such, only three years into adulthood. But she was full grown and her betrothed wealthy. Furthermore, Gambrach had assured the people that the joining of his daughter and the son of Noodles in matrimony would not be a lavish affair. Even the Lovengers had stopped living by every word that proceeded from the mouth of Gambrach, but on this occasion, the people decided to wait and see.

It was also in that time that Lord Soukey, the father of Darth Soukey, deposed Tsar of Koh Toh, died. Darth Soukey remained in the prison, with no progress on his trial, as between Mr. Magoo and the Deliverance Squad, they were yet to gather evidence upon which he could be convicted. Darth Soukey was restrained from attending the funeral of his father, for the Everly Failing at Convictions Commission was afraid that Darth Soukey would find refuge with the monarchists loyal to the Soukey royal house and no longer be available to be held indefinitely by them.

Luckily for Soukey, former king Gejoshaphat under whom he served, was around to ensure that the sting of his absence would not be too severe. As Gejospahat’s chariot rode into Koh Toh, he was welcomed by many people greeting him happily. “Oh Gejoshaphat, how we hunger and thirst for thy second coming! Oh that thou wouldst come back and be our king again in the next quadrannium!” And yea, did they also line up to bid him farewell after Lord Soukey was interred, and watch his chariot disappear in the distance.

As Gejoshaphat’s chariocade disappeared, news reached the Twillistines and Social Medianites that the men and women of junior senatii had arranged for the procurement of 2 gross, 1 score and 1 dozen brand new chariots. Already ensconced in unchill, the people were very irritated. “How dare these junior senatines do this in the midst of our woes? Know they not that many workers whose wages are paid from the coin have yet to be paid? See they not our suffering?”

To which the spokesperson of juior senatii responded, “Oh ye Twillistines, ye are our brethren. We do not buy these chariots to ride over your corpses into glory. No! We buy them to enable us do our glorious work of making laws for you. Yea, many of us were poor and chariotless like you before we entered into the junior senatii. We can no longer just be walking upandan like ye do, to do our work.”

But the people were not appeased, and they grumbled loudly. So loudly, that a former member of Gambrach’s former house (for Apicuria was a fusion), a man named Boo Bar remarked in the village square, “Alas, pity for Gambrach filleth my heart, for everyone has turned against him, even the Lovengers for whom he could previously do no wrong. Verily, I say unto him, that if he put himself forward for electoralis into the next quadrannium, I do not see him emerging victorious.”

Boo Bar’s statement was heard very promptly in Bedrock. Many Years did not keep this prophecy from being heard. Immediately, Gar Bar’s quill swung into action. “Oh, Boo Bar, thou hater! Why speakest thou of a thing thou knowest not? For thine information, each person that supported Gambrach before still standeth behind him gidigba! For he stealeth not their money. And he keepeth corruption at bay by stiffling commerce, so that rulers of the land have less to steal. Thou hatest Gambrach longtime because he giveth thee no appointment like he giveth his ride or die homies. I wouldest that thou be better, not bitter.”

And it was time for electoralis in Ondonia again, following quickly after that of Edossopotamia. In Edosspotamia, the 2 quadrannia of Sho Mo Leh were up, just as the quadrannia of Mee Koh in Ondonia. And in the midst of the storm of unchill swirling through the land, there were whispers. Whispers that Shiwajun would no longer stand with House Apicuria in Ondonia…

Blow ye the trumpet in Zion, and sound an alarm in my holy Hill: let all the inhabitants of the land tremble: for the day of the Lord cometh, for it is nigh at hand… – Joel 2:1

And so, after the declaration of King Gambrach that Lady Yeesha belongeth in his other room, Lady Yeesha raised herself up in the fulness of swagger and summoned the Queens of the Continent from the other rooms of their kings to a summit in Bel Jom. Lo, did she drape herself in the luxury finery of renowned garment maker Fer Gammo and all who beheld her exclaimed, “Yasss!” for she slayeth like a bad chick.

In that time, the pecuniary unchill which encampeth around the Iron Bank of Boo Jar and maketh the coin of the land unfloated, Moozes who contendeth with Ambsalom for the Kingdom of Gideria looked at his diminishing stock and sayeth unto himself, ‘How many of Gejoshaphat’s former councillors still have food to spare in spite of the Great Stinging, and here I am starving to death!I will set out and go back to Gambrach and say to him: O King, Do with me what thou wilt.’ So he got up and returned to the Kingdom from Barrackistan.

And as he arrived from Barrackistan, while he was still a long way off, behold Gambrach saw him and was filled with absolutely no compassion for him and sent the Delivernace Squadron to welcome him and adorn him with the garments of incarceration.

Lo, did they also clothe Roo Ben likewise, not because he had written a scroll about the hosts of hell encamped around the dwelling of the just and unjust in Bedrock, but because it was seen that he also walked through the gates of Darth Soukey and was bequeathed with 50 million shekels.

Roo Ben laughed back at Moozes. “Thou might be a bigger MAGA than I, for thou returnest from Barrackistan thinking that a prodigal son’s welcome might somehow await thee. Thou art the most to be pitied amongst men.” Yea, did they both gaze longingly across the oceans towards Barackistan.

The season of electoralis was upon them Barrackistan. And in contention were Rhoda Hill, whose husband had been king several quadrannia past. Lo, did she contest for the throne of thrones with a man of great wealth, whose name was Trum Pet. Pet and Hill contested fiercely for the throne. Yea, did they traverse the entire kingdom, beseeching the people for their support.

The rulers of the earth favoured Hill over Pet. For Hill had been queen. She had served in senatii. Yea, had she even been councillor for foreign kingdom’s for the king. The nobles of Barackistan all denounced Pet, for while he was imbued with vast sums of coin, it was known in the galaxies that he was a hedonist, an epicurean, given to ostentation, brashness and self-adulation.

As the season of electoralis progressed, the utterances of Pet caused many consternation. For he said of the people of Mex, that many of them were given to forceful knowledge of women; killers who would not see the kingdom of heaven. He swore that he would build a yuge and glorious wall to keep them out. He said of the people of the crescent that they would not be welcome to Barackistan if he were to be King. Lo, did he say of fair maidens in the land, that whenever he was around them, he was stripped of his senses and yea grabbeth them by their pooh-seas! What is a pooh-sea? Alas, the chronicler does not know, for it has not been revealed to him, but the words of Pet brought revulsion in the global world. And Trum Pet was not moved by them.

Rhoda Hill, blessed and most favoured, was not without blemish herself. She was said to be friendly with men and women of usury, many of whom were of nefarious character. Together with her husband, King Klean Tonne, they ran a home for social good which many accused of funneling to their personal good. And, worst of all, when she was councillor, she refused to use the king’s elite security ravens for sending messages, preferring to use her homing pigeons instead, potentially opening up the secrets of the kingdom to the enemy.

All over the world, the people watched intently to see who would win and sit on the throne, for Barackistan was a great and mighty kingdom. On the final day of electoralis, many foresaw a victory for Rhoda Hill. All over the world, people prophesied the coming age of Queen Hill. Many were rejoicing before the the first vote was cast, imagining the rain of glass that would flood the earth as Queen Hill put a hole in the Glazone layer. Yet many more heralded glad tidings of great joy, for Barackistan had never had a Queen on the throne.

But it was not to be. As news of the various results began to filter in, the spirit of wawu descended upon Rhoda Hill’s supporters. This spirit was not enough to contain the worsening emotions as even more results arrived, so it made way for the spirit of Egbami. The people of Hill held on to hope audaciously and sought to rebuke the spirits. But it got worse, as Egbami made way for the spirit of Hinevahesperredit. And into the late hours of the night, they sought to exorcise the evil spirits. Their labour was in vain, for behold, 2 hours past midnight all the spirits fled, as that evil spirit of IzallovaJackie descended with a gbim!

Trum Pet blew his trumpet as King-in-waiting, and the world marveled. Wherefore, remember ye, I beseech thee, the words that preceded this chronicle – “Blow ye the trumpet in Zion, and sound an alarm in my holy Hill: let all the inhabitants of the land tremble: for the day of the Lord cometh, for it is nigh at hand.”

Brethren, the trumpet has been blown and an alarm has been sounded in holy Hill, as she conceded the battle. Tremble, brethren, for the day of the Lord cometh, it is nigh at hand and there shall be no gaddem chill! Selah.

In this post we argue that as a matter of domestic constitutional law, the Prime Minister is unable to issue a declaration under Article 50 of the Lisbon Treaty – triggering our withdrawal from the European Union – without having been first authorised to do so by an Act of the United Kingdom Parliament. Were he to attempt to do so before such a statute was passed, the declaration would be legally ineffective as a matter of domestic law and it would also fail to comply with the requirements of Article 50 itself.

There are a number of overlapping reasons for this. They range from the general to the specific. At the most general, our democracy is a parliamentary democracy, and it is Parliament, not the Government, that has the final say about the implications of the referendum, the timing of an Article 50 our membership of the Union, and…