Dear Diary // Louis Tomlinson

10th June 2014
Dear Diary.
Sometimes you have to let people go, because they are toxic to you. Let them go because they take and take and leave you empty. Let them go because in the ocean of life, when all you are trying to do is stay afloat, they are the anchor that's drowning you...
Fay Jones x
A Louis Tomlinson Story

4. Chapter Four

My mind was still racing. I hardly slept last night, I don't know why I'm reacting like this it's stupid. He's just a boy who I have met twice and who happened to tell me some amazing things. Maybe I should of just listened to my Dad, and then none of this would of happened. Why do I have to be so dumb?

My Mum walked into my room, and pulled back my curtains. The light blinded me and I threw the covers over me.

"So what's your plans today?" Mum asked, I could see a thin outline of her from understand my blankets.

"Stay in bed and watch films" I quietly spoke.

"Now listen young lady, I have never allowed you to have a lazy day nor will I ever let you" Mum stressed.

"Mum go away please" I begged throwing my head under my pillows.

I heard a sign and then felt weight going down on my bed. "What's wrong?" I sat up and took the covers off me and looked at my Mum.

"What's wrong? Well I don't know the fact that I'm dying" I laughed

"Fay stop"

"No Mum. I wish I could but I can't, no matter what it's on my mind and I'm scared Mum. I'm scared of what is going to happen"

"Fine you can have a lazy day" My Mum walked out, it was clear she didn't know what to say to me. But who would at a time like this.

I fell back down in bed and turned on my tv. Supernatural was playing and that itself brought my mood up. This show was the best it had lots of mystery and never got boring, and they even added in romance and best of all the characters were hot.

Hours flew by and I was still in bed watching Supernatural, the only times I moved was to go to the toilet or to get food and drinks. Thankfully my parents left me to it. My phone started to ring. I picked it up and saw Louis was ringing me. I just ignored it, I wasn't lying when I said I was going to stay away, even if he tries to get to me.

Call after call they just kept coming through, this boy really wasn't joking was he? After a while the calls had stopped, but long after texts after texts kept coming through. I picked up my phone and went through the many texts.

Text from Louis

Why aren't you answering your calls? x

Text from Louis

Hello? x

Text from Louis

Fay Lilly Jones. Answer me now x

Text from Louis

Have I done something? x

Text from Louis

Look I'm sorry x

Text from Louis

Please just answer me x

Text from Louis

At least tell me you are alright x

Text from Louis

Nope? Still not going to answer? x

Text from Louis

Seriously? x

Text from Louis

You are trying to avoid me aren't you? x

Text from Louis

Just answer when you see these x

Text from Louis

I'm not giving up on you x

My finger hovered over the delete button, but I chose to just leave it. He'll get tired soon, all boys do. With a heavy sigh I got out of bed and headed for the shower. I couldn't have a lazy day all the time, I feel horrible and drained, even though I haven't done anything.

After my nice long shower, I headed downstairs and saw my parents were just placing dinner out. I walked over to my Mum and hugged her tight.

"I'm sorry for what I said" I muttered into her hair, she whispered back it's okay and we made our way to the dining table.

We all sit down and start to eat, it was awkward to say the most. It seemed that everyone was hiding something from each other, and I didn't like this feeling. I quickly finished my meal and told my parents I was going to get an early night. I hate being like this, it's stupid.

I laid in bed still thinking, I bet Louis hates me now. But why should I care? I want Louis to hate me don't I? Yet this feeling in my stomach is telling me I am doing the wrong thing.

I do a lot of thinking before I go to bed and it can't be healthy. I play scenes in my head and I always practice the things I want to say but never actually do. I have endless what ifs, and I'm planning what I will do the next day, even to what I will wear. I think of people I miss, and people I hate. I ask myself a lot of questions. But it seems that the only person who is on my mind and making me think to the point it hurts, is Louis. Why do I feel like this?

14th June 2014

Dear Diary,

Maybe things don't happen for a reason. Maybe we're just grasping for ways to make sense of the chaos going on around us. Maybe we're giving meaning to things what have no meanings. Maybe we are clinging to hope so hard, that we forget about reality. What if we are wrong and nothing is meant to be? We're just lost souls who are wondering round endlessly, desperately seeking comfort from the notion that things will work out in the end no matter what. What if we have tricked ourselves into believing that everything will be okay in the end, just so we don't have to face the reality that maybe it won't?