The Casual Sexual Relationship is Not a Myth, But You Might Be Doing it Wrong — The Fairer Sex Files

Jackie Mancini is in a relationship with spring, and it is not complicated.

Jackie Mancini

This is a pretty weird time for me, guys. I’ve been back in New York for just about a year now, and with my 30th birthday under a month away, I’m finally starting to figure out what I want. I’ve got a job I like which affords me freedom (which I now understand that I need) an apartment I love in a neighborhood that fits me, and I’m getting a motorcycle again. Everything is coming up Milhouse, or whatever.

It’s a really exciting time after a couple of years of struggling, and even more exciting that it has nothing to do with a relationship. In fact, I feel a little nervous that a relationship might ruin it right now, because love is very time-consuming. Forgive me if that sounds callous; it’s not meant to be. I love being in love, I’m just really in love with life right now, and I’m not interested in dating other people seriously.

Casually, though? Yes, I’m interested in that. Just because I don’t want to sit in bed and watch Netflix with the same person every night instead of having fun exciting times or working on projects that I love, doesn’t mean I am a cold-hearted snake. I love being close to people, connecting with people (particularly handsome people, but all people are great), and sharing experiences, both naked and clothed.

My mailbox is full of wedding invites; I got two today. Lots of my lady friends are settling down and planning weddings. They seem very stressed out about it, which doesn’t exactly sell the merits of marriage, but I’m really happy for them and support their choices. They’re also awesome friends, so they don’t ever push their dogma on me or try to get me to join their club. When they ask if I’m seeing anyone and I say “I’m seeing everyone,” they don’t even roll their eyes. I guess it’s really sunny out lately, so they might be rolling them behind sunglasses, but that’s okay by me. I roll my eyes at them sometimes too.

In my head, everything I just said makes me the great American hero of the dating scene. If you are a dude that I am hanging out with (hello! Is this weird?) here’s what I am telling you: I like you, think you are fun to hang out with, would like to get to know you, but right now I don’t want you to like, come to work functions with me. (Keep in mind that the last thing I did that would qualify as a ‘work function’ would be my comped trip to a strip club last month). I’d love to learn about your life and do fun things with you, but I’m also doing a lot of fun things on my own and don’t always want you hanging around. If that changes for either one of us, let’s talk about it. Until then, does that sound pretty good? Well then, please stop screwing it up.

Screwing it up how? By having a total panic attack and over-thinking it.

Jackie Mancini

As the picture above illustrates, men and women are very different. Here’s the inherent problem: There are some people (and more often, women) who aren’t immediately honest about what they want, either because they’re not self-aware enough to know what that is, or because they are bad at strategizing. When faced with the opportunity for sex, or a relationship with a person they are into, some people will use feigned compromise as strategy to get to where they really want to be, if that person’s goals don’t line up with their own. If you’ve ever done that, you know that it usually doesn’t work. If you haven’t done it, you’ve probably had it done to you, because it’s pretty common.

Because it’s so common, I get that it’s hard to take people at their word, but it’s also worth it to do so. Getting to know someone means believing them. If someone wants to get to know me, it’s important to me that they take me at my word, because I spend a great deal of time and energy learning about myself and other people, in order to be a good communicator. Why? Because asking for what you want is a pretty good strategy for getting it, and getting what you want makes you happy. The reason why I am happy now, is because I’m very good at asking for what I want:

Wanted this. Got it.

Here’s what I’ve figured out about what I want: I want to really know people. In fact, that is the only kind of relationship I am at all interested in, friendships or romantic. In 2013, where people can curate their online presences and put Instagram filters on their days to make themselves look like whatever they wish they were, I’ve become much more interested in seeing the flaws that make us human. In a time where it’s necessary to protect our privacy, it is an honor to be given the right to see someone’s imperfections, whatever they may be.

My best friend Alice did not earn that title because we’ve known each other since we were chubby, nerdy punks, or because we both like old things and writing letters. She’s my best friend because she is the purest example of that sort of relationship in my life. Real love is accepting a person completely; not finding a person who you are attracted to who agrees to give you what you want/need. I want things, sure. Most of them are immaterial though, and I’ve realized I can only give them to myself. And I do.

I’m sure that I’ll fall head-over-heels for someone again eventually, and abandon some of this thinking for lazy Sunday sex and Netflix. Maybe even someone I’ve already met. I like that idea, because to me that’s how you really love someone — over time, slowly, and without urgency motivated by need. For right now though, I’m pretty satisfied with my freedom. One-night-stands are not that much fun, when compared to the casual sexual relationship. Let’s have one of those, please. Calm down, we’ll see where this goes, and talk about it.

Welcome back to 103.7 The Hawk

It appears that you already have an account created within our VIP network of sites on .
To keep your points and personal information safe, we need to verify that it's really you.
To activate your account, please confirm your password.
When you have confirmed your password, you will be able to log in through Facebook on both sites.

*Please note that your points, prizes and activities will not be shared between programs within our VIP network.

Welcome back to 103.7 The Hawk

It appears that you already have an account on this site associated with . To connect your existing account just click on the account activation button below. You will maintain your existing VIP profile. After you do this, you will be able to always log in to http://kmhk.com using your original account information.