Jonathan Received His Wings Today

I fell asleep on his chair bed for about 20 minutes, and when I woke up to check Jon, his lips were white. I called to Jim, and when he reached Jon’s room, he knew. I called 911, and the dispatcher instructed me to instruct Jim on CPR. Jim knows CPR from his school bus driver training.

When the fire department arrived, they took Jon off of his bed and put him on the floor in Michael’s room to begin CPR and injected something in Jon’s leg. They worked for what seemed a long time on him, then called the ER doctor, who advised them to discontinue their efforts.

A few firefighters/paramedics remained to wait for the police to arrive. This is protocol, when a person dies at home.

I laid down on the floor beside my precious son, held him, kissed him, and told him how much I love him. I was consumed with sorrow and wept unceasingly.

One of the firefighters informed me that once the police arrived, we would have to stay out of Michael’s room, while they conducted their investigation.

Two young police officers arrived and began questioning us about Jon and what transpired to cause his passing. They were kind and caring and apologized that they had to ask these questions.

Jim called John to tell him that Jon had passed. John appeared at our door shortly thereafter. He spoke with the police, helping us to answer their questions.

Then, he sat with us comforting us, talking about Jon’s decline in health and his quality of life, his pain that he never complained to us about, because Jon was amazingly brave. He said he believes that Jon was ready to see Michael again. He said, “I know that Michael was there to take Jon’s hand as he crossed over. They are reunited now, free, no more pain, no more suffering, together. And they are watching over you two right now.”

Then, he went to his car and returned with an Elton John gift bag, which his sister had received from a friend, who had seen Elton in Las Vegas. His sister wanted Jon to have the gifts, knowing that Jon was a very big Elton fan. John was going to give them to Jon today, if he was up to being turned. So heartbreaking.

The police stayed waiting for the CSI investigators to come to take photos of Jon. I was outside calling Nurse Nancy, who was scheduled to visit to get Jim onto the home health service at 1 p.m. I had to tell her about Jon, and we wept together.

It was then that I was allowed to be with Jon again. I gave him his final bath and anointed him with my tears. I dressed him in his “fancy” shirt that we saved for special occasions. I said the Lord’s Prayer and Psalm 23 for him. I held and kissed him until the mortuary folks arrived. They were also very kind and compassionate.

Jim reminded me to get a lock of Jon’s hair, as we did with Michael. The man from the mortuary opened the wrapping so I could see my beautiful son’s face one last time, kiss him and cut the locks of his hair. I followed them out and watched them put Jon in the back of their very discreet van, as the two officers stood near me and watched as if they were honoring our glorious son.

I watched the van drive down the street distraught and overcome with an unbearable sadness and longing. The officers drove up beside me, and one of them gently said to me, “Rose, go in the house now. It’s cold out here.”

They stayed until I entered our home.

I laid next to Jim on his futon nest, and we held hands, and Jim was so strong in comforting me. I was sobbing and shaking. We are in shock, obviously.

There were things to be done, before Nancy’s arrival, so I took a shower. Then, I began tidying up Michael’s room, where the paramedics had left assorted debris from their life-saving efforts. I held the rough blanket they had placed over Jon, then I folded it and tucked it in a corner.

I made the list of Jim’s meds for Nancy, because intake can be an arduous process. She knows us well, so that helps, of course.

Jim has not been doing well, and he’s been on O2, borrowing Jon’s tanks, and now Jon’s concentrator. He is having trouble urinating and is constipated. His belly is full of fluid and bowel.

On 3.5 O2, his SATS came up to 98. His blood pressure was 120/70, which is perfect. His temp was 99.7.

He has a condom catheter now, but we hope Nancy can get Dr. K’s orders to place an indwelling catheter for Jim tomorrow.

Dr. K called at 4 this afternoon. I answered, and he said, “Hi, this is Dr. K. How are you doing?”

I burst into tears and told him about Jonathan. His first response was shock, “What? Oh no! I’m so sorry! Had he been ill?”

After telling him about Jon, he told me that he thinks Jim should go back to the hospital. I think he wanted me to convince Jim, so I asked him to speak to Jim directly, which he did.

Jim told him that after a small bowel movement, he is feeling better. If it gets worse, he agreed to go to the hospital. Of course, we feel that the drugs they gave Jim, which he didn’t need, put him in this state now.

The main thing Jim needs right now is rest and sleep. With the condom catheter, he won’t have to get up to go pee. When he goes to the bathroom for a BM, I will pull the O2 concentrator along with him, so he can stay on O2.

Jim agreed, as I do, that if it gets worse, he will go in to the hospital. This time, I can go with him.

I keep looking at the clock, thinking, “It’s time to take Jon off of his food.” “It’s time for Jon’s meds.”

His empty bed and the chaos in his room is profoundly painful, in a way that I could never describe in words.

John will take me to the mortuary tomorrow at 11:30 to make the arrangements for Jon. Jim is not up to it clearly. On the way, we will stop at the pharmacy to put in the scripts for Jim’s breathing treatment meds and a different inhaler. I’m sure that the breathing treatment will make a big difference for Jim. I just haven’t had time since he came home Tuesday to go out to do this.

I am functioning, because I must. I have to take care of Jim.

But a giant piece of my heart is missing now. I can’t believe that our beautiful boy is not here with us. Yet I know that he is, and he and Michael truly are watching over us together.

I rejoice in their freedom and their reunion, but I am devastated and broken. I have to believe that there is some serendipity in Jon leaving us now. Jon knows how sick his dad is, and he knew that I was working hard to care for him and his dad. Just as Michael somehow knew that Jon’s health would decline and need our full attention, when he returned to God’s arms.

Jonathan and Michael are still with us and will always be with us. Yet, I know what the days, weeks, months and years ahead will hold as I grieve for both of my Angels.

I give thanks to God for entrusting me with His most precious and perfect souls to care for them, until He was ready for their return to His arms. I give praise that we were so blessed to have Jon for 49 years and Michael for 32 years.

This is the second hardest day of my life. Still, I must be strong for Jim now.

We love you all so very much, and we are so very grateful to you for your love, prayers, support, and never ending friendship. We pray for you and your loved ones every day, and ask God’s blessings upon you.

My dear, dear Rose and Jim.
I have been crying all day. And reading all the years of archived messages about your Jon... and Michael... and our friendship and our motherhood. Oh Rose, my heart breaks for you and for Jim. I know that Jon is in a better place with Michael - he is free and in God's arms, being cradled, without pain. But today and tonight, it is your and Jim's pain of loss I feel. I pray, I pray for peace in your hearts, knowing that you gave your beautiful Jon so many years of love and devotion.
I love you all,
Donna

Rose, I just saw your post. My tears flow with yours. I have no words that can convey my thoughts, just gentle hugs and fervent prayers for you and Jim. Jon and your family have been such an inspiration to me for so many years. You will be in my thoughts and prayers in the days and weeks to come. May the Lord bring you peace, love and comfort.

Rose and Jim, I am shocked and saddened beyond belief. I knew things were bad, but they have been bad before and so I was not expecting this now.

You both are deep in my heart and will continue to be as you try to work your way through something that there really is no way to work through. I will remember
Jonathan watching his movies and listening to his CDs and the two of you dancing. He had happy times because of you. All of you had happy times because you were
together.

Jonathan is now in God's loving arms. I pray he will bless and comfort you and Jim during this time.

The following 4 users say "thanks"

I send my sincerest condolences and prayers to you and Jim on the death of your beloved son, Jon.

Jon is in his Father's house, basking in the golden light of love. He is healed, no longer tied to his bonds on this Earth. You are left to mourn his departure, but also to celebrate the love that bound you all together and will continue...love is forever, love is all.

Moderator #7

It's really easy to put someone on ignore and it's strongly recommended that you do so with people whose posts you don't like.

Step 1 - log in
Step 2 - click on the "settings" link
Step 3 - click on the "edit ignore list" link on the left side of the screen
Step 4 - type (or paste if you copied and pasted it) the username of the person you want to ignore
Step 5 - click the "ok" button on the right of the screen

One important note though, this won't hide quoted posts. It's an oversight on the developers part and it's not an easy thing to "fix." So if someone quotes someone you have ignored, you'll see the quote.

Alternatively when you click on a person's name and view their profile page, underneath their avatar, there is a option that says, "Ignore this person". Click that link and then click the yes button.

My sweet friend Rose, I don't know if you remember me. I lost touch with you many years ago and I am sorry for that. I'm so deeply saddened to hear of Jon's passing. My heart breaks for you and Jim. I will keep you in my prayers.

The material on this site is for information & support purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice provided by a licensed health care provider.
Always consult your doctor before trying anything that you find online.