Thursday, October 16, 2014

I don't like doing hard things.

Where were we? Well, I survived the War of the Worlds on my back porch Monday morning then spent two days attempting to get this godforsaken project off the ground with the gentle hubbub of a second grader with a GI virus playing Angry Birds and watching Netflix in the background.

Yesterday Charley and I dropped the little ones off at school then returned home where I made pumpkin bars and a pan of the Pioneer Woman's BBQ Comfort Meatballs then cleaned the entire kitchen before going to school, where I lectured for an hour on ocean-atmosphere interactions with Charley sitting in a desk in the front row. He was AMAZING, by the way. Sat quietly and watched me the whole time. He had paper and crayons and some books in his backpack, but before class when I went over and attempted to get some things out for him he shut me down with an annoyed "MOM. I've GOT IT" and then put everything away.

After class (he told me he didn't learn or understand anything, which is probably not only because he is seven but also because I haven't really ever taught this material before and even *I* was confused. You know how they say the best way to learn something is to teach it to others? Yeah. They probably didn't mean that that should happen in a lecture hall of forty students in REAL TIME) we headed for the dining hall for lunch (I had a chicken gyro, Charley broke his BRAT diet cleanse with a piece of pizza, some fries, and an ice cream cone). Then we had to pick Wes up from school (early release Wednesday), drop him off at home, get Charley to a therapy appointment, pick up the little kids, make dinner, put Mary and James to bed, put Charley to bed, go pick Wes up from my sister's house (my mom took him to choir last night and my sister picked him up because Ryan had to work late. When Ryan came home I went to get Wes, who was having a LOVELY time with his cousin and her two cousins that were visiting from out of town, which was just as well because it gave me a chance to finally sit down (and have a glass of wine, let's be serious) and have a normal human conversation).

Needless to say by the time I got home at nine I was barely coherent (because of the Tired, not the Wine). But I still managed to watch an episode of Parenthood with Ryan before I lost consciousness because: priorities.

Charley seemed genuinely surprised that he had to return to school today. He took his temperature twice, hoping for a fever.

Now I am home STRUGGLING through the early stages of a really complicated project that I've been dickering around with for two years. The reason I actually need to do the work now is that the abstract I submitted based on this project was accepted at a conference so I HAVE to. The conference is in January. Needless to say, all sensible eating goals have been suspended until AFTER that point.

I really, really need this project to work. But it is really, really hard. And I've learned that I don't really like doing hard things. I've been known to feel ACTUAL DESPAIR when faced with a particularly stubborn jar of spaghetti sauce, you guys. So learning a new programming language so that I can process a type of data I've never used before and know little about so that I can do a study in a field only tangentially related (by tangentially related I mean they both use lots and lots of math) to my experience is in a different hemisphere than my comfort zone.

Me

The Odd Couple

Charlie (on the right) and Wes. On the beginning of Animal House, Charlie would be in the frat with the navy blazers and oxfords while Wes would be on double secret probation. They laugh, they cry, they have mud fights, they encourage each other to dance naked on the patio table. Most of all, they are brothers and they love each other. Violently.

The Kid who Thinks He's Still a Baby

James loves Mary, his brothers, and his parents, in that order. He's fiercely independent, but will tell anyone who will listen that he's still a baby. He's Mary's number one fan and has a doll he likes to dress in her clothes.

Baby Girl

Mary was born in August, the youngest and a girl in a house full of testosterone. She is laid back and happy and totally impervious to noise.

The Husband

Ryan, husband extroidanaire, smartypants engineer, throws small children many feet into the air, appreciates all attempts at cooking, "the fun one", supports the family with a smile, makes great pies.