"Date Your Husband? Let Me Start the Conversation for You."

06/22/2011

It’s time once again for Heather from Family Volley to share with us some Parenting Tips as part of her “Parenting Tips Series with Heather Johnson” here on The Idea Room. I for one, really enjoy all her great tips and advice on things that most of us as parents struggle with. Here’s Heather in her own words…

–Amy

Remember when you were dating your husband, before you got married, and you promised each other that kids, and life, and work, and being tired would NEVER get in the way of the two of you dating? Remember those conversations? I do. And although we try really hard to hold true to those early promises, life does happen and fitting a date in can be complicated and sometimes so much work that it doesn’t seem worth it.

The truth: Research shows that to keep our marriages strong we need to go on a date with our spouse EVERY OTHER WEEK. That’s at least twice a month. If you are a member of the LDS church, you know that our prophets and apostles recommend going on a date with your husband EVERY WEEK. Either way this is a tough charge. Then comes the next problem. Do you ever find yourself on a date with your husband and all you talk about are your kids? Or maybe you struggle to find something to talk about at all? Or maybe, all you talk about are all the problems and worries your family is facing.

These things need to be talked about, but on our dates, that are hard to come by in the first place, is not the most ideal time. Our dates should be fun, relaxed and carefree. Not heavy laden with worries and stresses. There should be laughter and holding hands.

SO…Here is a list of things you can talk about when you go out with your husband this week. Print it out and take the list with you. Yup, plan a date and MAKE IT HAPPEN. I am giving you plenty to talk about.

WHILE YOU EAT YOUR APPETIZER

1. Name three countries you would like to visit.

2. Which celebrity annoys you the most?

3. How would you spend 10,000,000 dollars? (My husband loves this question.)

4. If you could try out any occupation for a year, what would it be?

5. On a scale of 1 to 10 how cool are you?

OVER THE MAIN COURSE

1. If you could rewind to any point in your past, what would you want to relive?

2. If you could take lessons to become an expert at anything, what would it be?

3. How would you spend a perfect day alone?

4. What would you want us to do together for the next ten years if you knew they were our last?

5. What’s the most honest thing you have ever done?

6. How would you like people to describe you at your funeral?

WHILE SHARING DESSERT, or eating your very own

1. Hollywood called, they want to make a movie about your life, who would play you?

2. Name something you love that no one seems to like. (Or name something that everyone seems to love except for you.)

3. What’s the one item you own that you know you should get rid of but never will?

4. Name one thing you miss about our dating years? (Then talk about how you can make it a part of your dating again.)

5. Last one, make it good! What’s something positive about me that you don’t say often enough? (Then decide to say it more.)

Remember, these are not one sided questions. You both need to answer them. The coolest part, this will get the conversation going and then you can take it from there. You will find that the questions might seem funny or silly, but they can lead to other great conversations that you didn’t even know would happen. Happy Dating, Love birds.

IS DATING HARD FOR YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND? WHAT GETS IN THE WAY?WHICH OF THESE QUESTIONS WILL YOUR SPOUSE LIKE THE MOST?

Comments

Thank you for this post! I’m actually in tears right now…its just what I needed to jumpstart conversations with my husband. My mind is focused on our child 100% of the time, so when it comes to adult conversations, I draw a blank.

I completely agree. We’ve been kinda in a rut lately, and I feel like all we ever do is talk about housework or the kids. This will be great for our next date night… whenever that will be, lol. Thanks!!

Thank you for these awesome ideas! We often use our dates to catch up on things we can’t talk about with kids running around. We need to talk about more things like this–thanks for the inspiration. Just printed!

I am really lucky, in that my hubby is really good at remembering it is date night on Friday (we have it on our Stake Calendar, so we are really lucky that we don’t usually have any activities planned on that night).

We made this a rule in our marriage about a year ago, when life brought us to our absolute most low point. Making time for the date isn’t hard, but what always happens is stress builds up and we fight like crazy on the way to wherever we are going. We both calm down and have a nice enjoyable dinner, but it’s always such a bummer to start out that way. Thanks for these conversation starters. I’m going to print them out and stash them in my purse!

You asked what makes it hard to “date” your husband. For us, we are in the not enough money to spare to go out phase of life. We try to do things that we can do from home. Whether it is getting a pizza and putting the kids to bed early, or working on projects together. We may not be perfect at this, but it makes the times we can go out even more special and fun. The sad thing for us is that we are having #3 anytime now, so the going out may not happen for a while. :)
Thanks for the list of ideas to talk about. It is true, you get so focused on the kids and what is happening at home that you forget what to talk about.

We do go on dates at least every other week, but the “problem” (if you want to call it that) is that we often go out with other friends. Which is lots of fun. But sometimes we don’t get a chance to really talk to each other in a meaningful way. Your questions are great! They remind me of a book of questions I have, but never think to dig out for a “date!”

This is great. We have a fifteen month old and have been out three times – and that’s ALL I find to talk about {the baby} and feel so horrible when I do. But, it’s what I do every day. These are a great way to get us back to each other!

It seems like when my husband and I get out by ourselves we end up talking so much about the kids. Or his work. Or something along those lines. These conversation starters are great and a fun way to think about something to talk about. Seems crazy that we have to THINK of something to talk about. But I guess that’s what happens in this season of life when we get comsumed with raising a family.
Thanks for the inspiration :)
Jennifer

Thank you for this. I will definitely be printing this. And will be finding a babysitter!! We struggle at getting out together because we’re so dang frugal. But, i need to remember how important it is! My parents were both married multiple times and are now both single again and I can definitely say I never saw them dating their spouse. It’s vital…I can see that!! Thanks again!

What stops us is money. Going out plus having to pay for a babysitter adds up. We have tried having date night at home, but it always seems we fall asleep as soon has my son is in bed. Thanks for the conversation starters. great idea!

How funny! I was just thinking we are WAYYYY past due for date night. I love the idea of talking about other topics than our children. The questions are super fun and I’ve printed them and they are in my purse. Thanks for an inspiring post!

We just had newborn twins so we won’t get to go on regular dates for a few months but my hubby thought about that well in advance of their birth. He has mid-week days off and our other two daughters are school aged. So, while I was pregnant he would take me to breakfast or lunch each week and we would sometimes catch a movie or shop for baby stuff. That was quite the romantic gesture and it gets me through these months where we are unable to go out. He is my best friend so just snuggling on the couch watching a movie when the babies are down for the night is fun. Thanks for the conversation starters, these will be interesting.

Love this Amy!! I might link to it for next Tuesday’s Dear Dave + April Series. Dave and I sit and chat at dinner about everything. It is easy for us but we see so many couples just sitting there saying NOTHING to each other and it makes us sad. What great conversation starters! Yup…I’m definitely linking if that is OK with you. ♥ and miss ya!
april

I took a Family Recreation class from Heather Johnson at BYU a few years ago and loved it. It’s a great reminder and I love the conversation starters. Even though we don’t have kids, we’ve been married 5 years and we’re in a “comfortable rut.”

So, my husband and I didn’t go out, but we stayed in, put the kids to bed and sat on the couch and went through these! It was so much fun, and great to actually be ‘talking’ about something other than kids, works, money and politics! Thank you for the great post! Keep the list of questions coming!!!

Me and my fiance are not married yet but we are in the planning stages. I can already see how it is going to be hard to keep dating once we are married. Fridays used to be the date night, now they are the night we get together with friends, so are Saturdays now. These are great suggestions and I will have to start bringing up having a set date night at least once a month again. Thank you so much for the suggestions!

Hi, I just started following your sight today (in love). My husband was just home for a couple of days before deploying for a year. We did find time to go out alone, but conversation was not easy (how sad). For the next year our communication will be instant messaging or email mostly, so I am glad to have these starters, otherwise, we start out with a question that only pertains to our lives (money, kids, etc) and once it’s answered that’s pretty much the end of the conversation. Thank you so much!

We always see the need to go out, just the two of us, long after it’s due. Then it’s: who’s going to babysit? Where will we go? Um, we have no cash… let’s just rent a movie and make some pocorn. That’s how it ends, then the cycle starts over again. I’m a bit of a homebody while not at work. He prefers to be out and about, doing anything but sit on the sofa watching TV or movies. If I do want to go out, it’s to a new movie or for sushi – it’s not that I don’ t like to try new things, I just don’t want to end up wasting our time or money on something that doesn’t work out.

So yeah, it’s not so much a problem of what to talk about – it’s actually getting out together that’s an issue.

thank so much for this post this what i really need i think i am that stage where i dont know that to say to my husband i draw back when i am with him but when i am with my friends i am this live a kicking person and that stresses me and him coz he wants to see that in the house i dont knw how to do it please advice i love him so dearly but something is wrong somewhere on the conversation side.

Thank you for this, sometimes we get so sucked into the day to day life we forget to take the time to really have interesting conversations. My husband and I have actually been going through a really hard time lately, to the point he said he is going to move out and just doesn’t feel that connection to me anymore. Hopefully this will be a good jump start on working on us.

I’m not the best at communicating or at pressing my husband into communicating but I know I’m going to have to start. He told me 3 weeks ago that he didn’t know if he’s still in love with me but he loves me( confusing). It’s ot just me but people in general are making him angry. He thinks it may be because of PTSD and I wouldn’t doubt it, he hasn’t told me all of the horrors he has witnessed, I just know that we really haven’t had a conversation in a while. I asked him about his first time hunting and I saw that twinkle in his eye, its been awhile since I saw that. Thank you I’m going to be looking these up it.

My husband and I have been married for over 20 years. We go out on a date EVERY Friday. Usually a movie and lunch. Of course, during the movie we don’t talk. But when we go to lunch, the silence continues. After 20 years, really what else do you have to say to each other? Thanks for the list of questions. Hopefully, they will be of some help.

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