You’re welcome Mr. Motorist. I’m happy that my mode of transportation has allowed more space on the road for you to get to your destination more efficiently.

One less car on the road to get in your way and increase congestion, right?

It’s my pleasure. It really is.

Remember the construction that was happening on your main commuting route last summer? I know, that was quite the drag.

You don’t need to thank me for putting very little wear and tear on our streets. I know it prolongs our roads and avoids those pesky construction delays, but don’t mention it. Seriously.

And oh those health care costs. Did you know that heart disease and strokes are two of the top three causes of death in Canada? In America, cardiovascular diseases and stroke cost an estimated $475.3 billion in 2009.

Isn’t it great that my commute helps keep me healthy so I can help reduce our health care costs? I would hate to be a burden on your pocketbook.

And how about those gas prices? Isn’t it wonderful that my bicycle doesn’t require gasoline? It’d be a shame if I contributed to increasing demand for fuel – driving gas prices even higher.

And what’s the deal with those downtown parking spaces? Those parking attendants are borderline criminal.

As if you don’t already pay enough for insurance, gasoline, repairs, registration, and maintenance for your car. Those parking guys want to charge you $20 a day to park your car? It’s criminal I tell ‘ya.

So it’s a good thing I’m not taking up those precious spaces. I’d hate for you to be late for a meeting while trying to find a parking spot for your car.

There’s no need to thank me for helping to pay for those free parking spaces at the local grocery store, either. I know, I know – that land wasn’t cheap for the grocery store to buy so that you could park your car there for free.

But I’m happy to do my part to subsidize those parking spaces for you – consider it a little gift from me to you.

Don’t bother thanking me for all the time I spend advocating for better bike infrastructure, either. I know, it will benefit both of us – it will keep me out of your way so you can get to your destination without being impeded by me, and it will also make me more predictable so you don’t have to be distracted by me while you’re on your phone. It’s a win-win situation, right? But no need to mention it, I’m cool with it.

You also don’t need to thank me for subsidizing the construction and maintenance of our city streets through the taxes that I pay. Yes, it’s true that less than 1% of those roadways that we both pay for are designed for bicycles, but that’s no fault of yours Mr. Driver, so no need to thank me for putting up with this.

It’s just one of those sacrifices that we as citizens make for each other – no need to thank me at all.

But I will ask one thing from you Mr. Motorist. It would be great if you could be a bit more cautious when you’re driving around me.

If you could do me that one favour, I’d be more grateful than you will ever know.

Send it to Click & Clack, NPRs Tappet Brothers. They read everything and it hits the kind of funny & true vein that they like. Of course, if they read part of it on the air you’ll only reach the NPR crowd, but it’s a start.

Incredibly smug, poorly written. It leaves no doubt in my mind as to why many motorists dislike cyclists. I am a cyclist and would gladly shove my forks up your arse if you took that tone in conversation with me.

hey, smug cyclist, it would be great if you stayed the fuck off the road altogether; you slow everyone down (because you still take up a full lane), or cause dangerous confusion when people have to swerve around you. You also seem to think that you can become a pedestrian when it suits you, and shoot from the road across crosswalks, ignore stop signs, and speed down the lines between vehicles in heavy traffic.

Hey ignorant motorist. Sounds like your time would be better spent advocating for segregated bicycle infrastructure to rectify the issues you are whining about instead of leaving ignorant anonymous comments on the Internet.

Fun fact! Many drivers are aggressive assholes who value their own convenience over a cyclist’s physical safety. Fact. It happens. For real. I’m happy you’ve never seen anything bad happen or had anything bad happen to you. Your life must be fantastic! But that doesn’t mean shit doesn’t happen, just because you choose to wear blinders.

Fun fact! Many drivers are aggressive assholes who value their own convenience over a cyclist’s physical safety. Fact. It happens. For real. I’m happy you’ve never seen anything bad happen or had anything bad happen to you. Your life must be fantastic! But that doesn’t mean shit doesn’t happen, just because you choose to wear blinders.

If the “motorheads” in here are offended, so be it. I am offended almost daily by their inability to pilot their killing machines safely including not stopping at crosswalks, passing me so close I can touch their car, and speeding down my street.

If the “motorheads” in here are offended, so be it. I am offended almost daily by their inability to pilot their killing machines safely including not stopping at crosswalks, passing me so close I can touch their car, and speeding down my street.

So lovely! This is the message motorists the world over need to hear and notice. This other side of the Atlantic, in sunny and beautiful Barcelona, drives are starting to understand cyclists. Thank you! Jaume http://www.cussons-hansmann.com

So lovely! This is the message motorists the world over need to hear and notice. This other side of the Atlantic, in sunny and beautiful Barcelona, drives are starting to understand cyclists. Thank you! Jaume http://www.cussons-hansmann.com