Never get over it

I was 21 y/o, in college, when my only sibling, my brother Todd, took his life. He was only 15. My parents had always had a tumultuous marriage & he was subjected to more of their craziness than I was. My father had a long history of depression and my mother chose to stay with him. I “fell apart” and flunked-out of school. I didn’t know I was depressed, I did know that I couldn’t think straight, couldn’t eat, my weight dropped dramatically. But I did get the message that grieving wasn’t okay and I “should get over it.” My mother actually said that I had no right to grieve because it was only my brother, but it was HER son. Todd died in 1974 and I have learned that his death is a part of my life.

One Response to Never get over it

We are the overlooked grievers being the siblings left behind. My mom told me that I needed to move on. I got the feeling that she thought she was the only one entitled to grieve, although she said it to try make me feel better. I realized she had no idea how profoundly I had been affected. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t even bring the subject up anymore as people feel losing a sibling isn’t that bad