I'll admit, when the idea first came up, I nearly had a panic attack. Okay, there was no nearly about it, I panicked completely and had a mini-breakdown once I was alone and able to come apart. I love my house, I've lived here almost all my life, the idea of moving itself is daunting/so much work because we have -so much stuff-/something I really don't want to do because packing stuff away for holidays is one of my least favorite things ever and this would be that time eleventy-billion/etc.

Add to all that, that we would be moving to a smaller place, which obviously means less room, which means less of the privacy I need on a fairly regular basis, and so forth, and I started having a panic attack again. I'm not going to lie, between my OCD and just my personality in general, I'm a creature of extreme habit who isn't particularly fond of changes or disruptions to those habits.

But, here's the thing: there's not a whole bloody lot I can do if (and honestly, it's looking more like when) the parentals make a choice. Between my lack of money and health, the possibility of moving out really isn't feasible, and if that were the case I would end up having to move somewhere else anyway, and that kind of defeats the purpose. And even if I did have money, I couldn't afford to live in my town anyway, the way prices are nowadays.

So I've decided to try and be Zen about the whole thing, adopting a "what will be, will be" attitude, trusting that things will turn out as they should. And while I haven't seen the place my parents are considering, at least not in person, I did check it out online and it's actually really nice for what would be essentially a downsize in living quarters. And my mom assured me there would be enough space in my new room for bookcases, and also that there would be somewhere we could put the computer, because she knows me so well and understands my priorities.

I'm still kind of scared and daunted by the idea, but at least now there's also a bit of excitement and maybe even a little anticipation. Because like I said, this is probably going to happen, since my dad even said they were probably going to put in an offer, they're that serious.

So yeah. I think I might be moving. And I might even be okay with that.

Ya know, there's something immensely satisfying in having purchased (on my own) a flatscreen TV, blu-ray player, and the first season of one of my favorite new TV shows, without having needed anyone's help.

It's even more satisfying knowing I was able to do this without spending any actual money.

Even if the TV is probably a little bigger than I really need for my room, though my dad says there's no such thing as too big a TV. But it was the smallest size I could find with the specifications I wanted.

I have finally (I think, I hope, I pray) finished the editing for the latest book. It is now in as good a shape as I can possibly make it without losing what is left of my mind trying to go through and nitpick at it again.

Which means now I am on to the next step(s) of writing a query letter and synopsis. Excuse me for a moment while I let out a scream of anticipatory frustration...

Okay, I'm back. So yeah, my very least favorite part of the whole thing (besides the stress of waiting for responses from agents who have a partial/full manuscript. And the no's. But that one goes without saying) and the part I'm well aware I suck the most at. Especially the synopsis. Give you all the details, but still try to keep it under x amount of pages? Honestly, do agents not understand how difficult that is, and how it's kind of contradictory? Whatever.

And I want/need to find someone to look over at least the query letter once I write it. Because I know better than to trust my own judgment on these things. But I have no idea who to ask/who isn't too busy with their own life to help out. So I'll probably end up having to trust my own judgment after all.

Ya know, one day I'm going to write a story involving the usual love triangle, with the two guys fighting over a girl. Only she's going to have absolutely none of it, and at the end, instead of choosing either of them she's going to be all "No, I'm going with C, none of the above. Forget all this, I am going -home-." And it will be...well, probably not glorious, but at least it will maybe make me a little less fed up with the whole trope.

I have an absolutely horrible cold. I spent last night throwing up everything I'd eaten, and then spent the rest of it in a feverish haze, practically hallucinating (which happens when I have a high fever) and having awful chills. I've spent today trying not to repeat the throwing up, and hacking up phlegm and coughing so much I have completely lost my voice. Seriously, I can barely get above a whisper.

I'm also home alone, with my parents gone until Friday. It really, really sucks being sick and all alone. But when my dad asked if I needed them to come home, I told them no. Because honestly, what can they really do? Besides, there's too much to do before Christmas to let them get sick too.

I know that was the right thing to do, but I still find myself here crying like a baby, wanting my mommy and daddy and wishing I could have told them to come home. Because spending several more days this miserable all alone is an awful prospect.

I keep telling myself I'm an adult, and I shouldn't be crying and that I just need to deal with it. But it's just really hard.

In other words: to the lady from my parents church who said she was going to stop by last night "around six thirty" to drop stuff off: when you say such things, it's usually the polite thing to ACTUALLY DO IT. And if in fact you aren't going to bother showing up, it's the polite thing to call and say so. And not, say, have someone wait an hour and a half after the fact just in case you're really late, despite the fact you live all of five minutes away.

Also, it is especially nice if you do this knowing that I mentioned I was coming down with a cold, and therefore not in the best of spirits or health. All I wanted to do was take a hot shower and go to bed very early, neither of which I was able to do.

I know it's nothing huge, but man, things like this just get to me. People can be so inconsiderate.

The inability to walk in heels (at least the skinny kind, and not a nice, broad clog base) really hinders the search for some nice boots and/or closed-toed shoes to wear to a wedding.

Though honestly, who has an outdoor wedding at the end of -October-? In the afternoon/early evening? 'Cause even 'round these parts, it gets chilly, man. And my little black dress is, keyword, little. Which means I'll have to wear tights, since they're slightly less itchy/rash inducing than nylons.

Yeah, finally got my new computer all set up. Actually, it's been up and running since late-Monday. But what with babysitting the next day and realizing how close it's getting to nano and how much work I still have left to do, I haven't had a chance to post any earlier. I am -still- up in the air about my alien guy's name, though I may just go with Polaris, despite the fact that's also the name of an X-man. Well, X-woman. But that's her hero-name and not her name-name, so I think I'm in enough of a gray area to be okay.

Anyway, yeah. New computer. It's a lot to get used to. Windows 7 is -vastly- different from XP, for a start. But I'm slowly getting the hang of it. I also ended up getting Word 2010 (and a few other Office programs bundled in) for a bargain as well. Haven't really used it yet, but on first check-out Nano is definitely gonna be an interesting writing experience. The new keyboard doesn't help, everything's so much closer together and my really good typing skills are going a little off-the-rails. But again, practice and all that, and before I know it I'll be back up to my usual blazing speeds.

I do love the widescreen monitor we got. Haven't watched any videos on full-screen yet, but I'm looking forward to seeing how it looks. Though again, compared to the last screen,both in size and clarity, it's a whole new ballgame.

Nothing else really to report. Haven't re-installed AIM yet, too busy with researching and planning for Nano and babysitting the new kidlet and so on. Speaking of which, I am definitely going to have to start lifting weights or something. My poor aching everything, carrying around a baby was not nearly this difficult five years ago. I ache in places I forgot could ache.

So yeah. Lots of new and interesting things to learn and re-learn. Let's just hope I get into the swing of things by November.

Guess who is (finally, after about eight years or so) getting a new computer? Go on, guess!

I am so excited, you have no idea. Not only am I finally getting rid of this evil thing, but I might as well call the new one Zorro, because my dad and I made out like -bandits- on price. Seriously, even including a monitor and Microsoft Office 2010, we ended up paying less than -half- what we thought we would have to.

Seriously, best deal I have ever seen. Which, in my paranoid and cynical brain, makes me wonder what's wrong with it. But I'm refusing to give in, and choose to remain excited, so there!

Well, I finally finished the first draft of the latest novel last night. I'm kind of past the point where I feel a huge sense of accomplishment about it. Which is kind of sad, I miss that feeling from the first few. I did give myself a couple minutes to just jump around and squee like the dork I am, just because I felt I should, especially with all the trouble this one has given me.

Mostly I just feel good that I finally am -over- that bit. Then I start to panic over just how much work I still have to accomplish, knowing the mess the draft is and how I'm probably going to end up pretty much re-writing a good half of it to try and make it something resembling an actually decent novel, and then I panic about query letters and oh dear God I have to write a synopsis -again- and I really need a new email address that's more professional but my name is way more common than I thought and I can't find a good combination that hasn't already been used and *gasp, gasp, deep breath*

So yeah, trying to find a better mindset. Usually I wait about a month after finishing before I even think of touching a manuscript again, but I really don't have that luxury this time around, especially if I want to have this halfway decent before Nanowrimo comes around, since I'm planning on doing the sequel for it. Which is a whole different can of worms, since I only have the most basic plot outline for that one. Though on the bright side, I actually came up with the title first, and I have a pretty good handle on (most) of my new characters. Silver lining and glass half full and all that optimistic stuff.

But I'm at least giving myself this weekend off. I think I deserve it. I'm going to relax, read "A Clash of Kings" and just try to just find my zen, as I always like to say. Then on Monday I can resume panicking and worrying and so forth.