When I try to worship, to genuinely give myself to my God, I find that reading in His Word, when I begin to feel my zeal empower me, that almost immediately I feel the fear of failure. Past demons of mistakes and error pile up, then anger at the mistakes of others, then an overwhelming fear that I.., will be taken away from my God.

This struggle between the "man of Spirit" and the "man of Flesh", it is eating out the strength I have and keeps me hidden from my Heavenly Father's kindness. Oh that I could, as Jesus did, show his face to those who would spit upon him, and give his back the the strikers.

Hey Sam. Was just stopping by and seen this. I feel you pain bro. This is the devil bringing in condemnation on you. The bible says that we have been made new and the old is dead. We have no condemnation thru Christ. This is the devil using tactics to keep us away from our rightful feeling. 2 Cor 5:17 is a verse I love. Especially as a survivor. It is hard for us to let our past go. But The Lord says we are made NEW, not improved or rebuilt but completely new. Praying for you in this brother. Take care

_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

I had a breakthrough, there I was sitting in the commemoration of Christ's death, and I again began to feel the flashbacks and anxiety, and i closed my eyes. In the darkness, it was shown to me just how different we are from God's spirit creatures. We are so fragile, so vulnerable and if I were to have to care for something as precious as we are, I would give it my best attention and care. Jehovah God is the same, (or rather I am the same as God in this) that He cares for us, knowing we are so fragile. He is invested in our survival and more, our thriving peace and happiness.

Yes, I can through God's help, support His Will and live in perfection some day. Today, I am going to feel okay about worshiping Him. I can worship Him in spirit and truth, I do not need to remind myself of all that has hurt me, I have learned those lessons.

God sees me as so delicate, yet so important, I have a real opportunity to see the fulfillment of His Will accomplished!

when i read your 1st post i heard your pain but wan't sure if i had anything to say about your issue.

my problem has been more not feeling acceptable to God. it was more like being disqualified in advance. a big "REJECT" stamped across my forehead in red. it wasn't a matter of fear of failure - that suggested that there was a hope that i might succeed. too much to even imagine. but that also implied that there was something that i could do about it to change or become worthy - and i knew that was not possible.

now, on second thought, i think maybe both issues are related. here are a couple of quotes that i have found helpful - maybe they will speak to you as well:

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."Romans 5:8 New International Version (NIV)

to me that says that there is no possibility of being disqualified, rejected, or failure! it's like being pre-qualified for a credit card - only better.

"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is." 1 John 3:1-2 NIV

that sounds like a guarantee of success, transformation, and not just acceptance - but being embraced.

"This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything." 1 John 3:19-20 NIV

i LOVE that one - God is greater than my doubts, my fears and my self-condemnation!!!

not that i have it nailed - but these are strong encouragements and something i am striving to fully believe and assimilate and apply.

Lee

_________________________
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

I am BEING made new Country, thank you. It is a process, a foreign process to humans, we can rebuild and restore, but only Jehovah God and Jesus can make us NEW again. Thank you.

Originally Posted By: traveler

The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is." 1 John 3:1-2 NIV[/quote=traveler] and [quote]we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything." 1 John 3:19-20 NIVi LOVE that one - God is greater than my doubts, my fears and my self-condemnation!!!

God is greater than my heart Lee, He is making me new, I can feel it. The struggle is that faith and spirituality have been with me my whole life and are in juxtaposition with the experiences of life I have been subject to and that I have acted out. The flashbacks and chaotic negative thinking destroy me, there is so much for so long but.., but, there is hope in that I feel the courage to keep on listening, reading as I can and sharing the good news of God.

The journey continues, much thanks to your replies, I am gonna have a cry and then listen to the spiritual discourse this morning, thank you fellow survivors,Sam

I
agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and
chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole
discretion of MaleSurvivor. I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor
resources are AT-WILL,
and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for
any reason by MaleSurvivor.