TheSentryLives:
So how do I begin this thread without sounding like those paranoid androids who think they may have contracted HIV through taking a shower in the same tub their newly POZ roommate may or may not have masturbated in?

This may be a little long but bear with me.

I'm a 19 year old, black, gay, slightly overweight but working on it college student. Tonight I drove to my family and old friend's town to celebrate the 4th. I decided to stop by the Adult Arcade, turn a couple of tricks, and get back home. After all that I start back to the house and all of a sudden this overwhelming feeling of anxiety, shame, and fear sweeps through me. I decided to stop by SONICS cause stuffing my mouth full of unhealthy foods helps the soul.

I decided to drive around some more and I decided to stop bullshitting with myself and admit that I've been extremely lonely, stressed out, and lately I've been taking sleeping pills because I've been having sleeping pills but now its like I sleep at the same times I slept at before yet I took the pills anyway making me sleep through most of the day until I had to go to work. There's other little details but for the sake of time...

Since Christmas 2004 I've been messing around anonymously with other men. I'd say that out of 5 times out of 10 I didn't use a rubber anally and 9 times out of 10 I didn't use rubbers orally. I've been a completely asshole, dumbass and all other kinds of asses and now its time to stop bullshitting and pay up. I'm going to get tested Thursday (I would of gotten tested during the National HIV Testing Day but I slept through that) I'm afraid of manifesting my parent's ultimate fear they had for their son when he came out. I'm afraid of being rejected by the guy who I've had the hearts for seen I first laid eyes on and recently just realized the feeling may be mutual. I afraid that I'm not as strong as all my friends think I am and that I may not be able to really cope with such a life altering disease. I'm thinking about seeing a psychiatrist (I doubt I could afford one though)

Well I've set the day. I'm going to see about the time. Wish me luck. Any advice out there?

RapidRod:
Go by your last sentence. There are mental health clinics that will take what you can afford to pay or have assistance. Good luck on your testing.

lydgate:
Sentry,

Apart from everything else, make sure your test is three months from your last unsafe (condomless) anal encounter. So if Thursday is that day, cool; otherwise you might need to test again in the future.

If you're a college student, student health services should give you easy access to a psychiatrist, or at least a counselor/therapist, with whom you can talk about all the stuff you've been been going through.

You are not a dumbass.

Jay

Ann:
Sentry,

You have put yourself at risk by having unprotected anal intercourse and you do need to test. You do have a chance of testing negative because not every exposure leads to hiv infection.

There is NO risk in GETTING a blowjob but GIVING a blowjob carries only a very, very low risk. It's the unprotected anal intercourse that is worrying, not the oral.

You need to get to grips with using condoms. That's your life you're messing around with. Please read through the condom and lube links in my signature line.

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL STIs together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with a sexually transmitted infection - and not just hiv.

You need to get a full sexual health care check-up because there's so much more out there other than hiv. The other STIs are much more common (and often symptomless) and also much more easily transmitted than hiv is. You can test for things like syphilis and chlamydia in the next week or so. The vast majority of people who have actually been infected with hiv will seroconvert and test positive by six weeks, but a six week negative must be confirmed at the 12-13 week point.

I hope everything turns out alright for you. Let us know.

Please, start using condoms. You are worth protecting your life and health, please do so. OK?

Ann

TheSentryLives:
Thanks for the amazingly quick replies guys and most importantly, thanks for the support.

Really, I think its more of a mental issue with me. I know all the risks, I know what I need to do to protect myself and I've just been stupid anyway. I'd like to think of myself as level headed.

As for the full exams... I know that I could get an HIV/Syphilis test for free but as for a full exam? Whats the price tag on that? (Although cost is no issue over time)

As for using condoms, will do. To be honest I feel like taking a break from sex completely.