Celebrity b.s.

Honking celebrity gorgon Fran Drescher now makes claims of alien abduction. In screeching hag-like tones, she maintains aliens stuck a chip, possibly a Funyun, in her lotion-slimed hand. The alien chip programmed her to forever speak like a cartoon goose and marry her now gay ex-husband, fellow abductee Peter Marc Jacobson. Jacobson denies having an alien chip himself, even if it could explain why he married Fran Drescher. The aliens now insist Fran Drescher abducted them, though it’s not really a question of just wanting off the spaceship worse. Next time our Nanny gets abducted we can only hope she stays that way.