Archive for the stepINTERVIEW Category

Everyone I know masturbates to girls on instagram, because the girls post hotness….but not all girls are created equally, despite what they try to make you believe with their trickery in poses and filters…some girls like @sarahstage are just fucking top of the charts amazing so I had to do a feature on her….cuz clearly she’s the fucking future…ideally of my love life…which involves a lot of masturbation and tears….or maybe it will be different this time, maybe she is the one, and our love will remain pure and filled with poetry. But I doubt it. It’s not my fault just look at her.

Name Sarah StageLocation Valley of the DollsOccupation model and aspiring In ‘n’Out Burger spokesmodelInstagram Handle @sarahstage When did you start Instagram? A year agoHow many followers do you have? 105,000

4 Questions with with a href=”http://www.instagram.com/sarahstage” target=”_blank”> @sarahstage

1- Are do you like about Instagram?

I am obsessed with photography and picking different filters and looking at all of the fun stuff that people brag about on Instagram!

5- What are your 6 favorite instagram pics you have posted of all time

Pic of me as chola, My chihuahua jose dressed as a snowman, Pic of In n out burger and fries, Pic of me and Sasha Baron Cohen working at the oscars, Sleepover bubble bath night with my girlfriends, Pic of my bridal vampire party for Halloween, A pic that says fuck what people think

I managed to get an interview with Dustin Diamond better known as Screech from Saved by the Bell, because he wrote a new tell-all book possibly because he is trying to milk his career as Screech as hard as he can, or maybe becuase it is all he has to talk about even 20 years after the fact.
I had questions lined up that I didn’t get to ask because he wouldn’t really let me get a word in, he was really into this book promoting hustle and he didn’t want to give away too much scandal or information or talk about anything thatt may have been interesting.

I didn’t care about interviewing him, mainly because he kind of irrelevant in my life and because I hadn’t read the book and I probably never will, partially cuz I don’t know how to read, but mainly cuz I am not intersted in anything to do with Saved By The Bell.

Don’t get me wrong, they definitely weren’t knocking down my door to get an interview for him, cuz I am even more irrelevant than he is, proven in the fact that I don’t have people lining up interviews for me, if anything I asked them to make it happen thinking it would be funny, before actually thinking it thru, since I always expect recjection, but it turned out that he was rude as fuck, condesending, even an ego, or maybe I was just over-sensitive. There was no chemistry over the phone, like the Russian phone sex operator I tried to marry, so it wasn’t engaging at all. My dis-interest in the whole thing let to him talking and talking and talking and for someone who claims to be a comedian he really didn’t make me laugh, unless his form of comedy is making people want to commit suicide….in which case he was a great success.

Hre are some questions I wrote out but didn’t ask because he cut the interview short, ignored my questionsand kept cutting me off…

So the theme of your book is all the bad shit that went on behind the scenes of the show, are you doing this because the other cast don’t return your calls or because you are bitter cuz you were the loser on the show?

Speaking of sex, I’m assuming you had a groupie since chicks fuck anyone they see on TV, did you get laid a lot during the Screech years and did your groupies make you tell them Zack and Slater stories while you banged them?

I know you cried poor a bunch of years ago, how much did you make off the show? How did you spend all of it. Why isn’t everyone else broke? It’s cuz you are lying for attention right?

So did you write this book yourself or did zack morris ghostwrite it for you?

Did Zack Morris and Mario Lopez ever get caught masturbating together? Did you ever get caught masturbating sniffin their dirty gym shorts in their dressing rooms?

Are You Only Outting Mario Lopez and His Rape Scandal Cuz He’s the Only Saved By the Bell Cast Member Still Working,,,…

Have you ever tasted Mr Belding’s Dick? Has he Tasted Yours?

Was playing Screech and being typecast as Screech, you know that shit following you around for your entire life more annoying, less annoying or equally annoying as watching Screech on the show?

Can you do the screech voice for us, or did you burry that motherfucker years ago?

Would you ever start a phone sex line for horny fans who wanted to fuck you back in the day and who still masturbate to the re-runs, so that they can actually masturbate to your Screech voice? Or do fans not exist in your world?

Amazing, so what are you wearing right now? That gets me so hot….

Sorry for putting you thru this…But on the positive side of things, based on how I put this together, it’s safe to say this is probably the last “celeb”(and I use that term loosely) interview ever…but in my defense, I’m no fuckin’ journalist….

I just wonder if his ego is actually legit, or just him masking his insecurities from knowing he sucks at fucking life, I guess we’ll save that for his therapist, or at least until we hear about his next publicity stunt, because he won’t just take nature’s course and fade into obscurity….

I never watched Saved By The Bell, I have no sympathy for people who are rude or think they are important for being on a TV show in the 90s and he should just get himself a real job and give up this shit, cuz he’s not some awkward lookin’ kid cast as the awkward looking kid anymore, now he’s just the awkward lookin’ adult clinging the fuck on…Cuddles…..

I unfortunately met Paris Hilton’s BFF, Brittany Flickinger, when she was doing some cross Canada bootleg tour, where clubs would pay her next to nothing to show up, whether it be a couple hundred bucks, gas money or a hotel room, all on a quest to stay relevant.

I told her about the site, she had never heard of it, but was willing to do a video because she needed to get her side of her irrelevant story no one cares about out there. Apparently, she is being slandered in the media as Paris promotes her new BFF show, because the most common question asked is what happened to the last BFF, I mean isn’t a BFF Forever…it’s fucking name of the show you liars…

Paris doesn’t actually care about these people, she just cares about the money, I mean the concept of the show is so bad, you can’t have a soul to participate in it and dropping her fake BFF and needing a new BFF for season 2 just comes with being a vapid hooker….

Well the ex-BFF is upset about it. This is all too confusing for me. But more importantly…none of this actually matters…

But when it’s the only thing on your resume, I get why this twat went on about how Paris was all over her for 6 months, always wanting to hang out, always wanting to be seen together, and the BFF failed to realize it was all a fucking lie and part of the promotional machine that is Paris Hilton.

The second she did what needed to be done, she dropped this bitch like she should, because this bitch is just a latch on fame whore, obviously, who would compromise herself and her dignity to be on a show called Paris Hilton’s BFF to get into the limelight…a light that she got addicted to and is realizing now is a light that is fading fuckin’ fast, if not already burnt out…

So instead of going back to wherever she is from and shutting the fuck up about it and waiting for the world to forget this lapse in judgement, she’s doing an interview with me…and if that isn’t a sign of how sad and destroyed she is, it is a sign of how pathetic she is.

Upon telling her she is a worthless latch on piece of shit when she rejected to get naked on camera for us,she went from not being Paris’ BFF to not being my BFF. In fact, her manager threatened to have me killed, we didn’t get that on video.

BONUS – Here is Brittany Flickinger on a rant that makes pretty much no fuckin sense because she’s fucking crazy….I think this is her acting but I’m not sure….

So my stepdaughter wanted to go to this A-Trak event that’s happening tonight and I figured I’d email his people to try to get an interview with him. It’s pretty tame and lame because I have no real interviewing skills, so I don’t take offense when he dissed because I am actually embarrassed of putting this up, this is some of my worst shit ever. I just re-read my questions and feel like I must have been watching a lot of Oprah that day, but reality is that Oprah’s even more interesting than me. I feel bad that he actually went through the questions and hope he has a hired helper do it for him, because I really delivered junk on this one…..

For those who don’t know, A-Trak is Kanye West’s DJ and does other non-Kanye stuff.

1 – You are from Montreal and I live in Montreal. Do you think it’s the greatest city ever or have you moved onto bigger and better places like I would if I had money?

Well it’s kinda both, see. Yes I think Montreal is the greatest city ever but I moved to New York a little over a year ago. New York is a bit more stimulating for me, artistically, and the city kinda kicks you in the ass. And it allows me to be closer to a lot of people that I work with. But I love Montreal and every so often I climb up to the top of various mountains and yell that out.

2- You won the DMC when you were 15 years old, you’ve toured ever since. When doing University, kids would be going to the college parties, and you’d be going to Japan for the weekend, do you feel like you’re living the life, or that you missed out on a normal college life?

Once again, I would say it’s both… I’m not gonna turn this into an afternoon special but yeah there’s probably some parts of the college experience (maybe even more so high school) that I missed out on. At the same time there’s a ton of other experiences that I’ve been lucky enough to have that were incredibly enriching. I love what I do and I feel blessed to be able to make a living out of it. It also takes a ton of dedication so you end up missing out on a few keg parties but you gain elsewhere…

3- When you won the DMC you had no idea that DJing and Hip Hop would ever get this big, so you were never after the fame, how do you like having it now that it’s hit?

Right, I wasn’t after the fame, I just followed my passion when I was entering those DJ battles. I guess you can say that some fame has hit but it’s not that simple. I still feel like I’m not where I want to be. So there’s never a point where I just sit back and think “I’ve arrived”. And really, I established my name in the late 90’s as a battle DJ and now, like 8 years later or so, I’m trying to establish a whole other chapter, as a producer/remixer/party DJ/label owner… I feel like a new artist. Even though I know a lot of people from the dues that I paid over the years after doing all those battles, I don’t take that for granted. I constantly compare myself to new artists who are just coming out. Except I actually have a stigma to fight so it’s even more of a fight sometimes. As far as the fame and stardom, believe me, after being in the industry for 12 years you learn to see past that stuff pretty fast.

4- You’re Kanye’s DJ and people tend to hate Kanye, even though he has the number 1 album always. Was it a big deal to you that he chose you to work with, or did you expect it since you’re the best DJ out there?

It really was a big deal that he hired me as his DJ. I knew I could do it, but these things don’t simply fall on your lap even if you’re a good man for the job. I remember thinking, if I could choose what artist I’d like to DJ for, I’d go for Kanye in a heartbeat. This is when the College Dropout had just come out. You gotta realize, when you’re a DJ you can’t just walk up to a rapper and showcase your skills. If you’re a rapper and you run into Russell Simmons, you can just walk up to him a spit a verse. I know, my boy did that once many years ago. DJs can’t just walk to a rapper and be like “dude you gotta see this, just wait here as I plug in my phonograph.” So when an opportunity like that comes along, you thank your lucky stars.

5- Is DJ AM Gayer Than Bicycle Shorts?

Dude you’re crazy. AM is an excellent DJ. And he’s a good friend of mine. But he’s really really really a good DJ. He’s where he is for a reason. And he opened up a lot of doors for DJs like myself, by cutting up records in front of ignorant Hollywood crowds.

6- What is the funniest thing that’s happened to you while on tour or playing gigs are girls all up on your dick and shit ?

What’s up with the “US Weekly” questions? I met OJ Simpson once.

7- What can we expect out of you in the coming months?

I’m working on a few more remixes during the rest of the year. Right now I’m finishing up a remix for Simian Mobile Disco and after that I’m doing one for Boys Noize. This month we’re doing the Fool’s Gold tour of course, which starts in Montreal and then picks up during CMJ week. After that Mehdi and I are heading out to Europe together on our Walkie Talkie Tour. In November the Kanye tour starts overseas. And in general, I’m building the label, lining up a few bigger production projects for the next few months, and trying to learn to take vacations once in a while. I just took one and it was amazing. I’m still peeling from the sunburn, that’s how good it was.

There’s a viral video going around the internet and it’s pretty much one of those comedy songs I find lame, set to a video of Lohan or someone who is supposed to be Lohan. Since I love Lohan and do everything I can to get closer to her, I hunted down the girl who played her in the video and she agreed to doing a stepINTERVIEW with me. It was an amazing experience that I may never forget until I get drunk and a new girl who plays Lohan comes along, but in the meantime, I want to make this girl as famous as I can…because I love her.

Here’s the interview….

So you play Lohan in this viral video I saw and decided that I had to interview you, so the question that’s been on my mind for the last week is how did you prepare for the role as Lohan? Did it involve a lot of drinking, drug use and unprotected sex?

I did not take on this role to bash poor Linds, absolutely not! I simply emulated many of her mannerisms and that’s as far as the prep went, thanks. I just figured the more glamorous (yet sexy) with elements of humor, the more tasteful the video would turn out. The minute it crossed the line on being mean or harsh to get a cheap laugh, the video would be trash…but that never happened, yay!

I actually like her a lot and really hope she gets healthy. I think she is a very talented actress (people forget she played 2 characters in a movie at 12 yrs old, talent) BUT at the end of the day, SAD STORY:(

All of these beautiful young starletts are throwing amazing careers away because drugs and alcohol control their lives, leaving them lost and unstable. It’s not our place to pass judgement & it doesn’t make these poor girls bad, wrong, insane, or stupid…they just need HELP, its just SAD.

LFL is a little on the BOLD side with some of the honest statements about Lindsay, but it is a parody, comedy…just laugh, or not. For those who know me it’s hilarious because the true goof in me really shines through!

What can you tell us about Lohan that we don’t already know, since you’ve played her on the internet I can only assume you’re an expert.
Nope, not an expert…

What does she smell like?
No Comment

Are you comfortable with guys jerking off to you as Lohan?
OMG gross…Okay, this is a comedy boys, where I’m being an absolute nerd…if that get’s dudes off, eew weird! Oh wait, I forgot about the part where I dance in a bra and underwear, oh yeah…but still eeeew! I appreciate all the fans, feedback and love but old, perverted men overly commenting me on myspace or wherever really just gross me out….sorry, hope I haven’t offended anyone;)

All my readers are virgins but, isn’t that kind of like if your boyfriend put a Richard Nixon mask on you while you bang because it’s the only way he can get off…instead of getting of to the Chauntal we all know and love?
No Comment

Tell us a bit about yourself:
Acting/dancing/singing all my life…I’m a performer, that’s what I do! And I have the most amazing family & friends anyone could ask for. I am truly blessed…so grateful!

Where are you from?
OXNARD, CA whattttt?!

How did you get the part in the Lohan Video?
Ummm some people think I look like her or something HA. No really, I get told I look like her like everyday it’s ridiculous. Don’t think so myself, but whatever. Ultimately, I just kind of nailed the audition process.

Why is your body so tight, do you work out a lot?
I am a dancer, particularly modern day cabaret and hip hop..Yeppp I love my hiphop, that’s the Oxnard in me! That’s how I keep the bod in shape, or “so tight” excuse me. I love hiking also, it’s very theraputic. Good to get away from everyone and just get a sense of mental clarity.

Do you have a boyfriend?
BOYFRIEND??? Shall I say it? Nope, very single and…not really lookin. I like the place I’m at right now. The next guy I decide will be my boyfriend will be the guy I see myself marrying. So what’s that mean, I’m picky? I guess so. Otherwise what’s really the point, you unhappy couples. I’ll wait thanks…I really enjoy my own company & SIs is like my best friend and I have the most amazing group of girls, so I have more than enough love runnin through my life. I am so busy right now, dudes are kinda irrelavent anyway, unless he’s super hot and sweeps me off my feet!;)

I must say though, I am quite attracted to the dangerous type but with a wise mind and sincere heart. Hahaaa does that even exist? But don’t quote me on that, you can never generalize & I change my mind a lot… ooops…

What about washed up fat mexicans with no job and who hate showering, come on baby, tell me what do you let your boyfriend do to you, if you had a boyfriend, that you won’t let me do to you?
No Comment

I think what I was getting at, is would you meet a dude from the internet?
NEVER…I definitely don’t have a problem meeting dudes, in real life;)

Do you think it’s easier to get an STD from someone you meet online or someone you meet in a club?
Clubs are gross, and the guys online trying to hit on me are the same idiots at the clubs looking to get lucky…bar, strip club, myspace, it’s all the same to them…so either way they all most likely have STDs…”Go Away!”

My readers never leave their mom’s basement, so do you ever go to parks to meet men who promise to buy you candy on the internet? Or are you too old for that?
No Comment

What would I have to do to convince you to send me nude pics?
AHahaaa go ahead, try finding some but nude pics of me do not exist…never will, trashy. Maybe like Rolling Stones but most nude mags are cheeeeseball!

I kinda like nude pics and take offense to that….What do you have to say to your many, many fans reading on drunkenstepfather.com? All 5 of us are dying to know what can we expect from you in the months to come? Can we expect a Lohan Stage Act?
There a few project in the works right now…I’ve been on overload since the LFL video, crazy! However, you probably won’t be seeing any more Lindsay stuff from me, other than interviews on LFL. I am an actress/performer, working on all different types of projects, not a LiLo lookalike. And I do love comedy more than anything so I hope I can continue to humor you throughout my career. As of right now, music is a main focus.

Would you sleep with me if I could promise you stardom?
No Comment

Too bad my penis doesn’t work and you are already more famous than me….I think I am in love. Cuddles.

Heres the Video:

Here are some pics:

You can find out more about Chauntal, the girl who played Lohan in the viral video at Chuantal.com – Check Her Out….

So I was on myspace, even though those fuckers banned and deleted my profile and came across some actress who was recently on that hit show Ugly Betty. Since I am an opportunist, I decided to message her asking for an interview and to my surprise, she pulled through. I sent her a few questions, she pretended she knew the site and got her personal assitant to answer the questions. Either way, I am pretty fucking grateful, I am used to being told to fuck off and this Rachel Style dreamboat went along with it and that makes her fucking amazing in my eyes, which isn’t saying much becaue I have no standards.

Either way, Here is the interview:

Do you think you’re Ugly?

Well Jesus, it’s like this…put me next to Petra Nemcova and I think we both know who would win the Ugly Contest. But put me next to Kathy Griffin and well…oh nevermind. How about the old saying “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder?”

What makes a person Ugly?

I think people who are mad at the world and walk around all pissed off tend to look ugly, even if they happen to be very physically attractive in a traditional way. Jealousy can make people look ugly, too. Like remember Faith Hill when Carrie Underwood won that Grammy instead of her? Yikes. Of course, excessive plastic surgery is another way of ruining ones looks.

Do you think there is a place in the world for Ugly People?

Of course! Haven’t you heard of it? It’s called New Jersey.

Do you think Ugly people should have the right to be on TV?

I think with reality tv and all, everyone gets to be on tv these days. Sometimes the uglier the better. Maybe it’s because people like to route for the underdog. Or maybe it’s just that if you see a truly hideous person on tv, you feel better about yourself.

Do you think that hollywood’s version of ugly, is really like average in real life because I’ve seen ugly and I have slept with ugly and I don’t think my kind of ugly will ever be allowed on TV. I don’t even think my kind of ugly is allowed into some public places….so this whole Ugly Betty thing is bullshit and should be called Average Betty, right?

You know what..I have to agree with you on this one and say that most “Ugly” people on tv are in fact, not that ugly in real life. It’s weird, huh?

People seem to find the idea of someone ugly in a “beautiful people” type world amusing. I’m fat and ugly and impotent and my wife is obese and pretty fucking busted… How is that fucking funny?

Well maybe if they cast you in a reality show and then you got famous and made lots of money making product endorsements for various surgical procedures…then you might be laughing all the way to the bank.

You played the role of Betty’s best friend. Since we all know that girls who are best friends constantly make out with each other behind closed doors, did you feel Betty’s on the inside, if you know what I mean?

Well, I didn’t get to make out with Betty but I’m sure I would be a lot more well-known by now if I had. Like look at that girl who made out with whats-her-name on the OC…she works all the time now! Coincidence? I think not…
Playing the supporting actress to someone who has now become a big star must be a pain in the ass. Has America Ferrera turned into a big bitch of a diva, and forgotten all the little people?

Oh my God, not at all! In fact, she went out of her way to be really nice to me. Being the lead in a hit show is a lot of work and a tremendous amount of pressure and it was amazing to see how cool and down-to-earth she was. The total opposite of diva! She is my hero.
You have to admit having a show based on ugly people is a stupid idea…do you think it’s just to make people feel better about themselves so we can all laugh at overpaid people because they are playing ugly people and not feel guilty about it – right?

Hmmm..that’s a confusing question! But I think the show celebrates people’s beauty..inside and out and does poke fun at shallow people. But it does it in a light-hearted way.

You do know that the only way to have some staying power in this business is to show some skin, right?

Exactly. I’m hoping that Maxim magazine will finally offer me a cover after this interview comes out. You know there are some guys who think nerdy girls are really hot!

My wife thinks she looks good and sometimes dresses up in lingerie and shit. How can I tell her nicely that she just needs to accept that shes an ugly, dried up whore that I will never buy viagra to bang, like Betty seems to?

I think your life will probably be a lot less painful if you tell her how beautiful she is everyday.

They say that sleeping with producers is the only way to get ahead in this business. Can you tell our readers, in extensive detail, about your first lesbian experience with Salma Hayek, producer of Ugly Betty. How many times did you have to go down on her before she gave you the part? Was she pregnant at the time of this?

Very funny. Unfortunately, I never met Salma as part of the casting process.

I actually emailed Salma Hayek years ago offering to be her stud and father her first born child. Not long ago, she announced that some old rich dude had shot her up with his millionaire sperm. I’m thinking of contacting a lawyer and explaining that since it was my idea first, I may technically be entitled to the rights to that pregnancy, and possibly the child itself. I mean, I do have it in writing, you know? Do you think I have a case?

I can understand why you would be jealous of the father of her baby. Maybe you could offer to be the child’s manny! Britney seemed to really love her manny…at least for a while.

On that note, working with Salma Hayek must be an incredible experience. And by incredible, I mean you must feel really blessed that you get to stare at her rack all day long. They’re real right?

I bet you would like to hear about that but again, I didn’t get to meet or hang out with Salma when I worked on the show. That’s the real reason you interviewed me, isn’t it?

What do you have to say to your many, many fans reading on drunkenstepfather.com? What can we expect from you in the months to come?

Well, being so famous can be overwhelming…I can’t even leave my house some days because of the screaming legions of fans and scores of paparazzi camped outside all the time. But seriously, I would like to thank all 3 of your readers. They make it all worth it, you know? As for the future…well, I just had an audition to play a 300 pound girl on Entourage…I ate nothing but cheeseburgers all week to prepare for the audition. I think they liked me, so we’ll see!
Do you think pretty people can be ugly and ugly people can be pretty, I am thinking Paris Hilton is ugly, but people think she’s hot and someone like Angelina Jolie is hot, but adopts aids babies and that’s pretty ugly…any thoughts?

Yeah, I know what you mean. But Angelina’s baby doesn’t have AIDS and Paris is only Ugly when she’s standing next to Kathy Griffin.

So there’s this slut and her name is Abi Titmuss. A lot of you have probably jerked off to her sex tape and you probably loved her tits. I was under the impression that she was famous in the UK and I had no idea that she was a sex addict…I didn’t do my research about this party slut, but either way, she’s promoting some website and I took advantage of the situation and got a stepINTERVIEW done with her. It’s done over email and it took Abi Titmuss 2 weeks to answer, but keeping up with my no-editing policy, it’s a little out dated. So read it, love it, and remember this interviewing thing is new to me so if I suck don’t bother telling me, I realized I have no talent with yesterday’s interview with the producer of Stern.TV. So here’s Abi….

I have a thing for virgins so for the sake of this interview can you answer these questions as a virgin who is on the verge of losing her virginity, so that means a little horny, a little innocent, a little shy, a little confused and all hot. Are you okay with that?

Yes, I’m very OK with that. I love the thought of being treated like an innocent little virgin!

Word on the internet is that you are 30. What’s being a 30 year old Virgin like and when can we expect a movie about it starring you to come out?

Thats right, I am about 30. But we all know I’m not a virgin, I’ve been fucked so many times I don’t think I’ll ever be a real virgin again! I have made a full length porno called â€œAbi Rides Againâ€ but I certainly didn’t play a virgin in it â€“ I played myself! I’ve done a few other full length films and I’ve got some really fun ones in the pipeline, like a lesbian porno with my friends Jodie Marsh and Linsey Dawn McKenzie.

Halloween is coming in the next couple of weeks what are you going to be dressing up as, the average girl uses Halloween as an excuse to show off their Yoga asses, but I have a feeling you are more into using it as an excuse to wear a jogging suit, with your hair all ratty and no make-up….since you dress like a whore in your everyday life on the regular…discuss.
I went to a party dressed as a horny witch. With a short black miniskirt, a black see through top and ripped black stockings. All topped off with a big witches hat! I got plenty of attention from guys and girls. In fact there was one girl who I took back to my place that night, and we filmed it for my website totallytitmuss.com I love filming myself â€“ I’m like that guy in Sex Lies and Videotape!

I was thinking of dressing up like a rapist and hiding under your bed so that one night when you are asleep all alone, I’d jump out with an erection and scream boo. Do you think that’d scare you or would my pathetic excuse for a penis make you laugh, further humiliating me to the point of realizing that I can’t do nothing right….I forgot what the question was….

I think I’d have to see your penis first! I don’t like the idea of rape but I do like the idea of being taken by surprise.

When did you realize that guys wanted to fuck you?

When I was 15 years old. I was a typical blonde girl with tits that seemed too big for her schoolgirl body. All the guys tried it on, and some of them got some as well. I miss the good old days when I could be innocent, I think that is why I’m so addicted to sex with girls and guys and generally enjoying my body.

I saw a picture of you simulating oral sex on a banana, are you always that classy?

You should see what I can do with a cucumber!

Why is someone like you a lot richer than me? I want to know how I get to the level where sites like DrunkenStepfather.com are interviewing me….because despite what you or your assistant answering this for you is thinking, the site is almost as luxurious as your hair.

I’m not as rich as people think I am. This celebrity game doesn’t pay as much as I thought it did. You have to be at the top of the tree to be making real money. I do ok though. I shouldn’t complain. And thanks for the hair comment! I think its one of my best assets! And for the record, this is ME writing this, not an assistant! I don’t have any assistants!

I remember you had a sex tape released a little while ago. Is that something that you don’t like talking about, was it a marketing strategy and have you always had a thing for black women who like to lick anus?

I always had a plan. And I knew that making sex tapes would help me achieve celebrity status and that is why I did the tapes, yes. But, I do like black women (I like all pretty girls) and I do like having my arse licked!

Whenever I watch black people have sex, I feel like I am watching the nature channel, does that make me a racist or is it a sound cultural observation?

I don’t know. I have a lot of black friends, some of whom I have been intimate with, so I don’t see things the way you do. Maybe you should have sex with some black chicks!

I guess the whole you being a virgin dream went out the window when I watched clips of the sex tape. I felt like it was a little taste of heaven. I’ve always had a thing for amateur porn and I’d like to encourage you to produce more, so can we expect more exposed vagina from you?

I have produced more, a lot more. The original tape was an edited compilation that I deliberately leaked to the press. There were originally three one hour films. And I’ve made lots of other home made porn as well. Its all on my website www.totallytitmuss.com in the videos section

Since you’ve put up with me for this long – you can promote yourself now: If you want to see me in action, and get all of my hardcore photos and videos visit my very own official website www.totallytitmuss.com where you can download my porn films, watch me get naked and fuck for you, as well as read my own horny personal blog.

Remember, the only place to get all my nude and hardcore photos and videos is at my very own official website totallytitmuss.com

See you soon guys!

Abi

It’s times like this that I wish I wasn’t impotent, think of all the good times I could have with you love. Cheers (that’s UK for Thanks and Bye)

So it’s official. I am destined for failure. I did this Interview with a producer of Howard Stern’s TV show named Doug Goodstein. It was in efforts to get some exposure and possibly a shout out on Howard Stern, because I thought that would make me famous. Unfortunately he seems to think I am an idiot…and he’s industry…and making money, so I guess that means I am an idiot. Either way, when you read this, remember that I don’t hate Jews, some of my best friends are Jewish. They are just a funny religion to talk about.

Here’s the interview with Doug Goodstein that was done via email….

I have never heard of you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I’d like to get that out before we start. I checked your IMDB and the only projects you have ever executive produced were for Stern, how did you get the job are you a synagogue friend he carried to the top?I could answer your question as ridiculously as they are written or answer them seriouslyâ€¦I will give you real answers despite the goofy questions. I actually just sent a resume in the mail to E! looking for an entertainment-based job; I was working at ABC News and was not happy. I got a call and it turned out to be for the Howard Stern Show which was a perfect match for me.

So you are saying that it had nothing to do with you and Stern being lovers ?Duh!

Is he really the king of all media and don’t you find that title a little obnoxious. If I walked around telling girls I had a 10 inch dick and was the best fuck in town, they’d get pissed when they found out I was impotent and pathetic, so why does Howard get away with giving himself a title like that ?The truth is that Howard rarely refers to himself as â€œThe King Of All Mediaâ€. Howard may have created the title somewhat goofing around but itâ€™s the actual media that refers to him with that title a lot more than Howard does himself.

So you are Jewish, how’s that working out for you?So you ask dumb questions, how is that working out for you? I love being a jew!

Do you think being Jewish is why you work in TV, because as a Jew you were given options like clothing, media or bakery and you chose media kind of thing….Man these question just getting more and more odd as we go along. Yes, I work in TV because I am jewish.

I heard that all Jews love Chicken Caeser Salads, is that true?I love matzoh, pickled herring, lox, and gefilte fishâ€¦thanks for asking.

Who is more Jewish, Christina Aguilera or Britney Spears?Who cares!

What is the craziest thing thats ever happened when you were working on the Stern show?One segment we did that was really crazy we did a farting contest. For that bit I was the sucker counting the farts with a digital counter in the studio; within minutes Dan The Farter was trying to set the Stern Show farting record but he started to crap out little shit nuggetsâ€¦I was freaked out and sick by the sight but Dan just kept on going despite everyone freaking out.

Has it ever got you laid?I know this may sound crazy but I have never really taken full advantage of working here and getting girls. I have always been OK in that department. But for the record I once spent some time with Jenna Jameson back in 1995â€¦true story! Howard mentioned it on the airâ€¦

How do I get my own TV show, I am already famous on the internet, what’s the next step?Just keep working hard and why not make an attempt to put some video of yourself on your site.

What is this Howard On Demand business?Go Howard.tv for all the details on what Howard TV On Demand is all aboutâ€¦

Why wouldn’t Howard do an Interview with me?I canâ€™t tell you, but if you ever got him and hit him with these kind of goofy questions I assure you that youâ€™d never have an interview opportunity.

The reason I found your Myspace is because one of my readers named Craig said you sat with him at a club for 4 hours and didn’t charge him. Are you a stripper or an escort or just a nice lady? I dont remember a guy named Craig, but yeah I’m a stripper at the Hustler Club. I’m definately not an escort, and the reason I was sitting with him for so long is pretty much because im the worst stripper in the world. I make money, but once i find an interesting person to talk to, I’m like Fuck work lemme just sit here all night. No, we did not talk about your website, but i will b sure to bring it up more frequently in my conversations with random people.

My readers are usually not very memorable. Speaking of memorable, do you remember when you realized that every guy you met wanted to stick his dick in you?I cant remember when i first realized guys wanted to get in my pants, probably when i started giving blowjobs in eighth grade and suddenly had lots of male friends… Is that a legitimate answer?

How small were your tits before you got the implants and do you think big tits makes that much of a difference in the work that you do?I was a 32B before i got my boobs done, and that was before i ever danced so although I cant say for sure exactly how much of a difference it makes in this industry, i think i would have done well pre boobjob, my tits were pretty nice.

Have you ever done porn? If so, what kind?I’ve never done boy/girl porn, but on my website there is girl on girl action and a lot of masturbation stuff. I LOVE turning men on! But girl/girl is as far as i’ll go.

I see that you’ve dyked out on Howard Stern. Do you dyke on Howard Stern often?I dyke out pretty often, but have only had the chance to do it on Howard Stern once. I love having sex with girls, although in the end, i prefer a man.

Is all this a cry for attention because your daddy never loved you? Or because he loved you too much?I am probably somewhat of an attention whore, just like any other female in this industry, but i dont consider what i do a “cry for attention,” and daddy loves me very much. I was never molested as a child, either..

I feel like I should ask you the standard interview questions, like how many fingers can you fit in your box, what is the weirdest thing you’ve stuck in your box, are you bald or do you believe in a little landing strip, does size matter and do you do anal, how many dudes have you slept , do you always use condoms even though they suck, have you ever had an STD or an Abortion but I think that would be inappropriate, so I’ll ask you this instead….Do you like dancing? Dancing is fun…I am not really that good at interviews, let me think of a really riveting question like this… Who’s work inspires you?Who’s work inspires you? Hmmm… at this point in my life, i cant really say that i’ve been “inspired” by the work of anyone. I LOVE movies (Quentin Tarantino!) and art (Salvadore Dali!), but i dont think they really inspire my life in any way… I guess if I had to chose, I’d say that when I was in highschool I listened to a lot of Necro and Cage and they definately had something to do with me going into this line of business. Oh, the book Art Of Seduction inspired me to be a more seductive person, although i have yet to start actually working on it.

What do you do for fun? What do you do for fun? I smoke a lot of weed and watch a lot of tv. I also genuinely love shooting for and working on my website.

Are you the DJ AM of Hot Sluts? huh??

Exactly…Tell me some shit you’ve got on famous people, don’t worry about it damaging your career, if anything it’ll just make you more popular. It’s not like those dudes will ever do shit for you. So let it out… I’m here for you. I dont know any famous people, but i know alot of guys who know first hand that Scarlett Johanssen is a whore.

What’s it like being interviewed via myspace by the coolest motherfucker on the internet? I can imagine that it’s pretty fun….Of course it’s fun, have you ever met a girl that doesnt love to talk about herself??

I just read in your comments that you are one some kind of show called Asian Invasion, what is that creepy dude Todd talking about and why are you in his top 8. At least he listens to Van Halen, always a sign of a dude who WON’T shoot up an Amish school. PS that was sarcasm…I know strippers can be slow..I am on a radio show called Bubba The Love Sponge on Howard 101 (Sirius Satellite Radio) a lot, and they gave me the nickname Asian Invasion.

What’s the creepiest thing a dude’s ever done to you? I used to be a dominatrix, so i have tons of creepy dude stories… There was this one guy who had a tooth fetish,and he liked for me to wiggle his tooth for an hour an a half straight, as he would ask over and over again, “is it coming out?” In my personal life, i once dated a guy who asked me to slowdance with him when there was no music playing. I think he thought he was being romantic, but it totally turned me off.

PS your dog is very cute, any chance of getting some pics of you and the dog bathing together? It’s kinda my fetish. No. Totally not into beastiality (sp?) sorry.

This was a huge waste of time. I suck at life and this isn’t funny. Sorry about that.

This girl messaged me asking me to make her famous, since she had pics of herself in a bikini, I decided to go along with it. Here are the boring questions I asked her, because I figured if I started asking her to describe her box and tell me what the weirdest thing she stuck in it was, she’d never bother answering the other questions. I realized over the years of being an internet creep that it’s always important to ease the ladies into the vulgarities gently. Speaking of easing things in gently, there is a Yom Kippur celebrating jewish girl in spandex pants bending over in front of me.

Here’s Maude Flanders – Probably Not Her Real Name:

Why do you want me to make you famous?I want you to make me famous because I’m undeserving of it and I’m tired of stroking your cock for free.

What is your talent?My talent is sitting at a boring job all day and actually getting paid to read blogs and check my myspace page more frequently than a old fuck with bladder control pisses himself.

Do you want to be the next Forbidden and did you know that she was a Man?I’m not really sure who Forbidden is, I know it’s from FOV but I haven’t been watching that this season, I’ll say no, I prefer my looks over that of a trannie.

Do you ever sleep with random men from myspace?I have not slept with any men from myspace yet…there’s alway the opportunity that I’ll find one that will fit the bill.

Are you one of those drunken college girls who likes having a good time?Well I’ve never gone to college, so I’m not a drunken college girl. I do like to have a good time, especially when I’m drunk. I guess I’m an uneducated drunken working girl.

What would I have to do to convince you to send me nude pics?I don’t think I’ll ever send nudes, too risky and cheap, there are so many nudes online. Besides I’m saving the surprise for when we run off together

This is your chance to ask a question you think I will find funnyMy question for you:
Why do you suppose people find it criminal to take acid and then fuck vegetables?

The only celebrity who has ever emailed me was a voice actor who played Montgomery Moose on a show I hold close to my heart cuz I used to watch it when i was about 12. This show is how I learnt English when I moved to Texas and it’s called Get Along Gang. Here’s my stepINTERVIEW with my childhood idol, Montgomery Moose.

Do you ever say “I’m Montgomery Moose want to Touch My Antler?” to lure kids back into your caboose ?Yes, but I traded my caboose for an ice cream truck. It’s more effective and I really love big sticks.

Do you run a porn site because you are sick of 6 year old pussy or is it because you never had a childhood like the bitch who killed herself on different strokes ?I don’t go in for six year old pussy. I prefer older women. I spend a lot of time in nursing homes.

Did you see your father get shot like Bambi saw her mother shot, or is that just a deer thang?Is Bambi a porn star? I’m not sure I follow you.

If you could be anyone’s vagina for a day, who would it be?Katie Holmes. I was always a fan of Dawsons crack. Besides, Scientoligists get me hot!

When you order pizza, do people recognize your voice and realize you’re Famous ?My personal assistant orders all my pizzas. She’s a Japanese schoolgirl named Keiko. Extra anchovies.

What should we be expecting from Montgomery Moose in the future? A cumback.

Does Montgomery Moose go to space?Only when he’s had too many Red Bulls. And I do mean “had” them.

Did the Get Along Gang always get along, or did you have to save face for TV?It was one big shagfest. I still have scars from Portia Porcupines quills.

Could you show us your sex video with Paris?Travis Barker has it in the glove compartment of his Hummer.

Be sure to Check Out Montgomery Moose’s Websites who are actually run by Donavan Freberg the Voice of Montgomery Moose.

We’re going to do it like this, 10 questions all of which will be semi retarded, because let’s face it, I am not a journalist. You can answer them however you want, you don’t have to be funny, the fact that you are answering this is funny enough..

1- So what’s it like being the guy in the Lohan Pictures?

It was nice meeting LL, she has good taste in music ! Being that guy just means all the fake Lindsay’s try and add me on myspace, lol.

2- How does one become the guy in the Lohan Pictures?

Busting your balls for years DJing and good luck.

3- What does Lohan smell like?

She didnt smell of anything particular, but she was looking good.

4- So you’re a DJ, I am guessing you’ve seen your share of box…what’s the craziest thing a girl mashed out on MDMA and Cocaine did in a party you were playing at that involved her box…

Ive had my fair share of box action pussy, girls touching me up in the booth drunk and trying to kiss me to get a song etc. I dont do drugs but plenty of people have snorted in there. I actually havent had a BJ in the booth yet, that would be interesting.

5- Speaking of Vagina, if you could be any girl’s vagina for a day, who’s would it be?

I wouldnt wanna be a girls vagina thanks, I wouldnt want any cocks that near to me.

6- Are you the UK version of DJ AM?

Me and AM are different, but we do the same kind of parties. And if hes reading this, get your ass over to London.

7- Which celebrity are you going to get gastric bypass surgery for, drop 150 lbs, propose to marry and end up on her shitty reality TV show before she gets caught making out with Steve-O from Jackass, calling off the engagement and landing some Laguna Beach rich kid….leaving you broken and sad….

I dont need gastric bypass, they can get that shit for me ! And if I was dating a ‘celeb’ I wouldnt end up on her shitty show for publicity. She’d probably catch me fucking her best friend.

8- Do you think the chances of getting an STD are higher if you met the slut at a nightclub than if you meet her on the Internet?

The club whore for sure, cause if shes easily banging you shes no stranger to it. So wrap your tools.

9- I never get into clubs because I smell like urine and three year old semen as I haven’t had a boner in about 3 years. I want to know the top 5 DJs you hate and more importantly, can I be on permanent guest list to all the events you DJ?

To be on my glist I would suggest you wash and cut your pubes. I dont wanna mention my top 5 worse DJ’s as I dont wanna give them any free publicity ! Haha.

10- Since you’ve been so cool to us, feel free to write about whatever you are promoting here…and can you dance?

No worries, I have just set up my online record label Nod Factor which is being distributed by JUNO online.
Label will be launching soon, if you know anyone with some hot underground music get them to hit me up on myspace ! I can dance, but I have to rat assed drunk ! Its a shame, caus before I djed I was always dancing like I had MC Hammer in me.

Ps – Why do girls love djs?

Girls love DJ’s cause we are the centre of attention in the club and are good with our hands : )

I came across a profile on Myspace that claimed to be Trish Stratus. So I messaged her asking her for an interview for the site. I am 95% sure this bitch is not the real Trish Stratus and that the person behind this profile is actually some 14 year old immigrant kid with no friends and a love of wrestling who lives somewhere in Canada and jerks off to her implants. Either way, This is what Trish Stratus’ myspace profile had to say. If it is really her, her spelling is as rough as her 6-pack abs and bitch should stick to doing sit-ups.

1- Were you into wrestling when you were a kid?

ABSOLUTLY, I REMEBER MY AND MY TO GUY CUZINS USED TO WATCH IT ALL THE TIME , THEY INTRIDUCED ME TO WRESTELING AT A YOUNG AGE SO I STARTED SEING THJEM EVERY MONDAY UNTILL I HAD THE CHANCE TO FINNALLY WRESTLE.

2- Who taught you how to wrestle? Was it your Stepfather?

NO IT’S NOT MY STEPFATHER??? WEN I ENTERED WWE FIT FINLEY TRAINED ME AND SOME MORE WWE DIVAS.

3- When did you realize you had sex appeal and who was the person to hammer that into your head? Was it your Stepfather?

IT WAS SOMEONE WHO REALLY LIKES TO FIRE PEOPLE! U NOW WHO OR AT LEAST THINK ABAUT IT!!

4- Were you ever a stripper, because I always thought of wrestling girls as the top of the Stripper Career Ladder.

LOL!!!!!!!! I DONT NOW ANY DIVA WHO USED TO BE A STRIPPER????

5- What are you working on now and what do you want me to make stepFAMOUS?

Today was a bad day, one where I was tired, unmotivated and questioned why I do what I do on this site. I make no money, everyone thinks I am lame and not very funny, girls arenâ€™t knocking down my door to suck me off and Lohan isnâ€™t my wife yet. I keep on trucking, 1.5 years later so I took time off to go to Starbucks and watch my favorite Bum do his dance. I sat on the patio with gay black men, Jewish Heiresses, Medical Students and some other guy whoâ€™s just always around and gave girls walking by different ratings on how hot they were. I REMEMBERED that I do this because itâ€™s what I am supposed to do. Like a porn star is blessed with a big dick â€“ I am blessed with whatever the fuck you call this motherfucker.

Speaking of big dickâ€™s, hereâ€™s an interview I did with Donny Long, some porn star I never heard of. I sent him the questions a month ago, but he didnâ€™t dig the questions, but I somehow won him over today when I wrote him thisâ€¦.

it took me time to write you that interview
the least you could do is answer the motherfucker
you are pretty fucking lazy for someone who wants to get more visibility.
my site is big
now make it fucking happen motherfucker.

with love
jesus martinez
drunkenstepfather.com

So a few hours later this is what I got from himâ€¦.We are NOW big fans of Donny â€“ so visit his site…and help make him famous…

Here we go:

How long are you and by you I mean your penis?depends on the girl and how hard she makes me!!!!

Is your penis the reason you got into porn or was it nepotism? both

I should ask about the girls you bang, otherwise my readers will think I am homo, speaking of homo, how many gay porns did you do to get into straight porn? no gay porn never have, never will god made adam and eve not adam and steve

So does porn pussy stink or is that just the gutter slophole bitches who used to get drunk enough to let me go down on them? no stink in porn girls they clean out before every scence

I saw you were in some squirting videos, is female ejaculation real or was the bitch just pissing all over the motherfucking place? depends on the girl some girls piss some cum

My friend says it feels like someone is pinching the head of his dick, does that mean he has an STD?maybe, i wouldnt know i never had one

Does being in porn help you land everyday pussy in clubs, you know like the hot college freshman bitches who you see on girls gone wild and if so do you rock a condom with them because I am pretty convinced they all have herpes.i really dont have time to fuck outside of work i fuck twice a day everyday for work and as far as bitchs outside the biz i dont touch them because there not tested every month

I did this interview a year a 3 months ago, before AM was engaged to Richie, before she left him for Steve-O, before they got back together, before I was confident enough in my site to really rip a motherfucker apart. For the record AM was always cool with me, and asked me to take it off the site when they first got engaged, so I did. I saved it in case I decided to cry for attention. This be me crying for attention.

Bam, Here is AM

INTERVIEW ORIGINALLY REMOVED AT THE REQUEST OF LIONEL RICHIE

INTERVIEW REPOSTED BY JESUS TO SEE IF WE GET SUED

Stepfather: So whatâ€™s the deal with DJs, why does every girl want a piece of the DJ?

DJ AM: DJs rule… Every girl wants to bone us cause we are the center of attention… And that’s what every girl wants to be.

Stepfather: You used to be fat, I am fat, is life really that much better being thin? Do girls appreciate a fat man, or is your life that much better now that you arenâ€™t fat?

DJ AM: I hated being fat. I miss knocking back a rack of ribs and bakers dozen of Krispie Kremes for a snack but I like being thin for once…

Stepfather: Rumor is that when you lose a lot of weight, your penis gets bigger, is that true?

DJ AM: Yes, my penis has gotten bigger.

Stepfather: I am a fat man and I am scared to sleep with fat women for 2 main reasons, first because fat is disgusting and second because fat gets in the way of sex and I am scared I wonâ€™t be able to penetrate fully, how do you feel about sex with fat chicks?

DJ AM: I have a friend who is skinny and he only fucks fat girls. I think he likes the padding and feeling like hes doing some kinky shit. Thing is, your right. If the chick is THAT fat you canâ€™t dig it all the way in cause there are rolls blocking you.

Stepfather: When it comes to sex, whatâ€™s the craziest thing you have done, what do you brad to your boys about?

DJ AM: I used to slap the shit out of this one girl who LOVED to be smacked in the face. Iâ€™m not much of a bragger anymore though. I grew old and just like it normal.

Stepfather: How much drugs funnel through the clubs you play at, because I once hung out with a stripper, we were sitting next to each other on the bus and she was telling me that clubs have so many drugsâ€¦I once did an 8-ball of crystal in a trailer park in Dallas, thatâ€™s actually where my blog started. How do you feel about drugs and what is your drug of choice.

DJ AM: Drugs RULE! I used to be a crack head for about 2 years. Nothing is more fun then being so wasted you throw up on yourself at 9:45am on your way to downtown LA to buy crack rocks from the mouth of a 12 year old Mexican kid. Drugs are all over the clubs I DJ. I just like sitting back and watching people learn the hard way.

Stepfather: Would you sleep with your stepdaughter/stepsister if she was really hot? If you said no, would you rethink it if you only met her when she was legal or if she was only in your life for a couple of years?

DJ AM: I would not bone my step ANYTHING. That’s just too damn funky and close to home… Well, if she was Adriana Lima then yes.. but only in the ass.

Stepfather: Do you feel that your music is being overshadowed by your celebrity acquaintances, friends, and lovers?

DJ AM: No.

Stepfather: How do you feel about providing us with some random gossip that no one will read, but you feel you need to get off your chest and whatâ€™s the deal with celebrity obsession, I like to pretend I care about celebrity, but I only do it for traffic to the site.

DJ AM: Hmmmmmm… gotta think about that…

Stepfather: I am an alcoholic, and I like to drink everything, including rubbing alcohol and tang, what is your drink of choice?

DJ AM: I am a sober recovering alkie… I aint had a drink in 7 years.

Stepfather: What are the chances that you would put me on permanent guestlist to all your events?

DJ AM: Slim to none cause there is no permanent guest list. But, if you give me a reach around in the booth I may get you in to 1 club.

Stepfather: Could you hook me up with naked pics of celebrities, it seems to really drive a lot of traffic to my site and I would really appreciate it, no one would know it is from youâ€¦.I am thinking a DJ AM sex tape or something, is that likely?

DJ AM: Not a good look for you, got no pics

Stepfather: Who are your musical influences? What kind of music do you dig? What type of music do you play? What gets your dancefloor bumping?

DJ AM: I am strongly influnced by the music of David Hasselhoff. What a voice on that stunning man.

Stepfather: Are you going to pimp the expression â€œthatâ€™s pornoâ€ in LA, I think you have the visibility to make this the next big expression, you down?

DJ AM: It could be… but my girl is not feeling that word. I gotta break it in slowly.

Stepfather: I once saw a picture of you in high-end streetwear, have you always supported streetwear? How do you feel about the popularity of the homeless look, I remember when it was limited to people like me, who actually used food stamps while the hottest thing was Brandon Walsh from 90210…when it comes to art, do you have any?

DJ AM: Bryten Goss is an amazing painter. I have a crazy ass painting of his called Triumph Of Death. Its a street scene in LA where the dead wake up and tear thru the city killing everyone in sight. Its sexy.