Just clearing some political ideologies up I guess you would say. Any opinions or reading material on the following get questions?

When someone helps you do you owe them?

If someone is nice to you, must you be nice back?

I notice that Christianity takes the stance of "I'm so grateful you didn't hurt me" and "you don't have to be nice to me" but when I'm nice to you "I'm entitled because I don't have to be nice to you and then when you hurt me I have to forgive you and by the nature of forgiveness they were a victim so then the "holier than though" part comes in or can we be a victim and it is a tit for tat world? Sounds exausting.

I take the part of I'm not the victim because I don't believe in absolutes and how can I be a victim? I do feel sorry for myself sometimes though.
But I'm happiest when I value myself and forgive when I am a victim because they take something from me but don't know how to handle the in debt or pepole being nice syndrome.

But I think onlinebiker is right that karma isn't entirely bullshit.
If you're nice to people they are more likely to be nice back. If you get them things, do things for them, they are more likely to return to gesture. If I help a bro move house he's more likely to help me move house. If my boss is nice all night I'm more likely to reward her by offering to put those last two boxes into the tops before I go home. Likewise if she's a bitch and is telling management that we finish at 1 when we really finish at 1:30 because she doesn't wanna get in shit, I'm more likely to raise the issue with management and get her in shit.

(18-06-2015 07:57 PM)bpcaddy Wrote: Just clearing some political ideologies up I guess you would say. Any opinions or reading material on the following get questions?

When someone helps you do you owe them?

If someone is nice to you, must you be nice back?

I notice that Christianity takes the stance of "I'm so grateful you didn't hurt me" and "you don't have to be nice to me" but when I'm nice to you "I'm entitled because I don't have to be nice to you and then when you hurt me I have to forgive you and by the nature of forgiveness they were a victim so then the "holier than though" part comes in or can we be a victim and it is a tit for tat world? Sounds exausting.

I take the part of I'm not the victim because I don't believe in absolutes and how can I be a victim? I do feel sorry for myself sometimes though.
But I'm happiest when I value myself and forgive when I am a victim because they take something from me but don't know how to handle the in debt or pepole being nice syndrome.

I also am happy when I value other people's time and I do.

Maybe all brothers and sisters?

Thanks for reading.

When someone helps you do you owe them? Yes, this to me is being a good friend and person, if they took the time to help me with something, then when they request help I will help them any way I can, I will offer to help if they mention something that would be easier if I helped them with it as well.

If someone is nice to you, must you be nice back? Generally I try to be.

“We can judge our progress by the courage of our questions and the depth of our answers, our willingness to embrace what is true rather than what feels good.”
― Carl Sagan

A lot of this is cultural. I think it actually has a lot to do with why southerners often find northerners to be rude.

For example:

If I do something nice for you, I'm not typically expecting you to pay me back. To do so cheapens my gesture of good will, and if anything is insulting. People do eventually return favors, but not necessarily in the same format. If you do something nice for me and immediately insist I return the favor, I find it quite rude. What I do expect is common courtesy - I've done something nice for you, now don't be a dick. If you are my friend, I expect that I will help you and you will help me as the times change - comes with the territory of being friends. We all have ups and downs and I don't keep score.

Many cultures find even an initial refusal of a gesture of good will to be offensive - I try to keep that in mind when I'm not dealing with a southerner. Mine finds an outright refusal rude, depending on the circumstance - you're to eventually give in and let the person do something nice for you. You are expected to persist if they resist your kindness once, and then when you say "I insist," they respond with "Oh you didn't have to do that, but thank you so much. I appreciate it."

However, in a different light, if an invitation says "Please, no gifts," I'm not bringing a gift to your party/reception. I had an Indian friend in high school that sent out formal invitations for her sweet 16. It said no gifts. I was one of six white people there, at a party of 200. Guess which six didn't bring gifts and felt like total assholes...

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman

I generally think in terms of Utilitarianism; namely, doing what provides myself and others with the most happiness while minimizing suffering. Of course objections can be offered dealing with nuances but in general this is my approach.

As Banjo stated: Golden Rule. It's golden for a reason. It usually works.