Eel Gets Lodged Up Guy’s Butt

Few things are worse than going to the doctor. We mean, what’s the upside of shelling out cash for some creepy guy with a porno ‘stache to give us a hernia test? We could trick our girlfriends into giving us a one for free. There are, however, a few exceptions where we’d have to suck it up and make a visit to the doc’s. For example, if we found ourselves with an eel stuck up our butt.

Well last week, a New Zealand guy showed up at the Auckland City Hospital emergency room, because he found himself in that exact predicament. Isn’t it the worst when exotic creatures find their way into your poop hole? The New Zealand Herald described the eel as being “about the size of a decent sprig of asparagus," which sounds awfully unpleasant and is swearing us off asparagus forever. Doctors successfully removed the eel from the man’s butt, although we’re unsure if the eel survived.

Now, we can’t help but notice there are a few hazy areas to this story. For starters, what the hell was this guy doing that he was too busy to notice an animal was scoping out his butt in the first place? We’ve also taken notice of the newspaper’s commentary that eels “prefer habitats with plenty of cover” and “they hunt by smell rather than sight." Basically, it looks like this entire fish-in-the-anus dilemma is entirely the guy’s fault.