~ The lofty side of this is that I am a mom on a mission. I am striving to create a better world by being the best, most inner-directed mother I know how to be. The other side of this is that I became a mom… on purpose. Meaning, I chose this. But man, it can be hard.

Tag Archives: Simplicity

Simplicity is something I value very highly in my life. And this time of year, my commitment to keeping things simple leaves me feeling like I’m an observer: watching the chaos of a storm from the cozy window of my own, simple life.

I will give some of the credit for my emphasis on simplicity to the families I took care of in my first few years of practice. With kids too young to yet be into the holiday whirlwind, I was witness to the stories other parents told of kids with mountains of un-appreciated toys, older kids who wanted bigger and better every year, and the frantic haste to get to every last store. Combined with clear signs of stress, fatigue and tension, I decided then and there that I didn’t want our holidays to fall into that pattern.

Simple for me means that I don’t add in more than I can give my full attention to. It means that I have a no-drama policy – both at home and in my practice. It means that we started our own family traditions on a small scale, emphasizing the joy in giving to others while being grateful for what we receive. All with a very conscious effort to focus on the people around us, gratitude for the life that we have, and appreciation and attention paid to every gesture of kindness – including, of course, gifts.

This weekend was an example of simple.

Yesterday at work I could probably measure my success by two simple factors: the number of times I laughed, and the number of hugs I got. My morning started with giving a report to a ten-year-old boy (and his mom, of course). As is always the case, I spoke directly to him about what I noticed in his initial assessment. I explained to him three simple concepts:

1 – your body is smart

2 – your brain and body need to ‘talk’ to work properly and

3 – if your brain-body connection isn’t clear, your smart body has a harder time working at its best.

With a wise nod of his head and a few insightful comments, he asked his final, amusingly off-topic questions: “Dr. Amy, do you live in a big house?” (this may have been my first laugh-out-loud moment of the morning) and “Dr. Amy, do you drive a ferarri?” (my second laugh). With a smile I replied: “No, I have a simple house, and no, I don’t drive a ferrari. I don’t really care that much about those things. The most important thing in my life is my family and spending time with them. We like to do things like enjoy nature, hike and travel.” He left with a pondering expression on his face. As for me, I was amused by his perceptions – and it left me thinking, too.

The truth is that the value I place on things is a far distant runner-up to the value I place on quality time and having experiences. Even if we had all the money in the world, we wouldn’t live much differently than we do now. We would travel more, give more, experience more. Don’t get me wrong – I like material things, too. I get great pleasure out of buying quality things for my kids. And I love the idea of building our dream home in the upcoming years. But without the context of who I would be enjoying those things with, they are empty for me. Things may provide some pleasure to me – but they are not what motivates me.

The other moments this weekend that filled me up included our annual Awesome by Design workshop. We hosted thirteen kids (age 4-10) for 2 hours in the practice, while giving their parents a few hours to themselves. We gave the kids the same simple message (repeat after me…) “My body is smart and I am AMAZING!” (really, what more do they need to know than that?!) Our games followed that same theme. Our snack was a build-your-own creation using fresh fruits, veggies and toothpicks. And our craft was a self-decorated portrait with the same message as above. It was seamless, fun, and full of laughter. The only complaint was from the kids when they didn’t want to leave.

On the home front, the remaining focus of the weekend was on food. While I place a very high value on health and nutrition, I also feel that when I make good quality meals for my family, I am nourishing them in ways that surpass the calories and nutrients. I feel a deep contentment to know that with two crockpots going, there will be delicious soups for the kids’ lunches this week. And it never ceases to amaze me how fulfilled I am by the simple act of putting food on the table. With three lovely family meals together (steak and veggies; eggs, bacon and fruit; and chicken with roast veggies), I am filled up in all of the ways that matter.

It seems that at this time of year, we go somewhat into hibernation mode. We stay put more often – and are happy to do so. It just so happens that sometimes that lends itself to wonderful little moments of joy. Like the surprise evening finale of our kids dimming the living room lights to put on a play for us with masks they discovered downstairs. With the assurance that they will be planning lots of performances for us – complete with giggles and silliness – what more could we ask for? Live theatre from the comfort of our own home. Perfect.

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This weekend was only the second of the summer – but after a busy past weekend at our friends’ cottage – followed by the start of the kids’ farm camp and our summer routine, it was lovely to have a quiet weekend at home. I think it was exactly what we all needed.

Dean chuckled at me when I looked at him earlier this evening and simply stated: “I liked today.” There was nothing remarkable about today, but it was a very good one in my books.

In the spirit of ‘quirky little things’, and enjoying the simple moments of life, some of the little moments from today included:

A breakfast on the gazebo as it rained around us. Bacon, eggs, raspberries and watermelon in our lush back yard, spotting frogs as we ate and listening to the gentle thrum of rain drops on the canvas roof overhead. Peaceful and simple.

A feeling of accomplishment as I folded a half dozen loads of laundry – envisioning how easy it will be to pack for our upcoming trip into the Algonquin outback when I have all the clothes laid out in front of me (one benefit from leaving laundry to the last possible minute – at least this way everything was dirty – now clean – to chose from).

An enjoyable (although not frugal) trip to Mountain Equipment Co-op to restock for our 4 day trip. Leaving with more camping supplies, dehydrated meals to try (shepherds pie and bacon cheddar mashed potatoes – opinion is yet pending…!), much-needed clothes for Dean, and a new back pack for Audra. (After all, if she has to lug all of her own gear as we portage, at least it will be in a pack of her choosing. Somehow this makes all the difference with her – and whatever keeps her from complaining while we canoe, portage and camp works for me!)

Another pleasant dinner on the gazebo – not raining this time, but close to it – enjoying marinated steak, caesar salad, and tomato and goat cheese salad. And a glass (or 2) of wine. Interesting conversations led by the kids about topics such as: ‘Why isn’t there one world government?’ ‘What is the Lord of the flies about?’ and ‘When can we download my new mods on Minecraft.’ (as Ethan is inventing an elaborate world full of roller coasters and has spent many a moment imagining his new ‘world’.)

Listening to the kids play together lots – sometimes a little too loud for my in-house preference – but with most of it being great belly laughs, how could I complain? With Ethan finishing his latest fantasy novel, and Audra playing happily with her stuffies – the house was quiet and peaceful for much of the day. Following dinner, I relaxed by myself on the gazebo to finish my wine, read a few pages from my book, and enjoy the backyard – only to be laughingly led inside by Audra to ‘see what she did to Ethan’.

Finishing our family day by taking our dog Casey for a walk (at a very slow pace these days, her walks can best be described as leisurely strolls). After all, as a member of our family, we felt she should also benefit from some outdoor time with our whole crew after enjoying a few bites of steak. (although we have a ‘no feeding from the table’ rule, sometimes her smiling doggie face weakens our resolve.)

Amongst Audra’s many names for me today (Shanike, Shanille, and the ages-old Molly), and hugs from Ethan, it was indeed a simple but perfectly lovely day. One that perhaps I would never have appreciated at another stage in my life.

Really?! A day doing house-stuff, eating dinners, and shopping?! Lovely?! But it was.

A day spent with my most loved ones. After all, that’s what it’s all about.

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In December, you won’t catch me near a mall. For one, I’m not a fan of crowds. For two, holiday shopping seems to bring out the worst in some people – cranky, self-absorbed and rushed are not great combos for most. And lastly, I am thoroughly disgusted with the consumerism of the holidays. Do we need more “stuff”? Really?

Whatever happened to love, peace and joy?

For us, the holidays are all about family time (and good food). The present-giving side of things is secondary, or at least, we try to make it that.

So in comes one of my parenting theories that I call KEEPING IT SIMPLE. I believe that kids can be happy with simple pleasures, and that we as parents ruin it with the “more is better” approach. Yes, I think that we as parents are the prime cause of greed in our children. Just think for a moment. Who buys more and more stuff, bigger, and more expensive gifts every year? Who makes birthday parties elaborate (and expensive) events, almost like trying to “out-do” the previous year? Unfortunately for most parents, the answer to that question is best answered by looking in the mirror.

I think that it is us, as parents, who get so caught up in wanting to give them things that we ruin the tendency in our children to be happy with the simple pleasures in life. I have seen kids ecstatic over stickers, not to mention rocks, sticks and bugs – and yet, we seem to think they NEED the latest toy. They HAVE TO HAVE something. And so we get it. And then we wonder why our kids don’t appreciate how good they have it.

I contend that what kids want MOST is quality time with their family, to feel safe and heard and loved. The stuff is secondary – and yet in our busy lives, sometimes it is easier to come by than time. And this seems to be especially true if we inundate ourselves with media, commercials, and too much time in the malls. (One reason, amongst many, why we have not had cable TV in our home for years)

I asked Ethan: “If you could get every toy you could ever imagine, but mom and dad would be working all through the holidays, and you’d hardly see us – which would you choose?” His answer, immediately forthcoming was this: “I’d rather have time with you. But I’d like one toy.” How’s that for honesty?

I also contend that kids WANT to use their imaginations, and that we have become so accustomed to giving them toys and gadgets that entertain them – with minimal creative input on their part – that we unwittingly destroy that most-glorious, time-occupying, magical-world-creating power of imagination. In essence, we have forgotten the magic of a cardboard box.

With all of this in mind, we have tried to keep our family traditions simple.

Santa brings one gift per child.

We do the stockings. And that’s it.

We buy one toy each for our 3 nieces (and one newborn nephew!)

We make gifts for family.

For us, this includes an annual photo calendar (which Apple makes really easy)

The kids make a gift every year (this year’s is still a secret, but you’ll hear about it later!) These have included framing their finger paintings when they were little, personalized blankets and shirts made with fabric paint, hand painted ornaments, and pottery (a more costly trip to a do-it-yourself studio that was my option on a busier year).

And as a side note – I personally exempt grandparents from any limitations. In my opinion, they have earned their right to spoiling their grandkids in whatever way they choose. (of course, that’s easy for me to say when Dean and I have parents whose choices are always ones we are happy with)

As for Dean and I, we do simple stockings for each other. (My only request is a good book to read)

And so when I get asked, “Are you ready for the holidays?”, I can say yes. Ask me any time of year. Keep it simple, and you’ll always be ready.

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The lofty side of this is that I am a mom on a mission. I am striving to create a better world by being the best, most inner-directed mother I know how to be. The other side of this is that I became a mom.... on purpose. Meaning, I chose this. But man, it can be hard.

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The lofty side of this is that I am a mom on a mission. I am striving to create a better world by being the best, most inner-directed mother I know how to be. The other side of this is that I became a mom... on purpose. Meaning, I chose this. But man, it can be hard.