LL Cool J’s music career pre-dated gangster rap and now he plays a cop on a bland TV show, but that doesn’t mean he won’t still beat you to a pulp if he catches you trying to steal his stuff. The 44-year-old LL, whose name of course stands for “Lincoln Logs Coolant Jowels,” recently went downstairs in his house, only to discover a 58-year-old, homeless, would-be burglar. According to the LA Times, LL broke the guy’s nose and jaw in a “knock-down, drag out fight.”

The 58-year-old prowler, whom LL Cool J caught in his house shortly before 1 a.m., appears to have been homeless, said Los Angeles police spokesman Richard French.
“There was a brief physical confrontation between the two,” he said.
Afterward, LL Cool J called police and the prowler, whose name has not been released, was taken into custody and transported to a local hospital, French said.
He will be charged with burglary, French said. The extent of the man’s injuries were not immediately clear. [Reuters]

The burglar who broke into the Studio City home of actor-rapper LL Cool J suffered a broken nose and jaw in what police sources described as a “knock-down, drag-out” fight.
Los Angeles police were called to the star’s home in the 12000 block of Blairwood Drive around 1 a.m. Wednesday, officials said. LL Cool J was holding the suspect when officers arrived, officials said. [LATimes]

After knocking the man out, sources say Cool J told police “And I’m just gettin’ warm.” (/obligatory Mama Said Knock You Out reference). He was probably all upset about Willy Beamin always calling audibles and hogging the ball. (/obligatory Any Given Sunday reference).

So far, the LA Times is the only outlet reporting the part about the broken nose and jaw. Hmm, this “police source” you spoke to, it didn’t happen to have been LL Cool J’s hype man, did it? Because with all these rappers playing cops on TV nowadays I can understand confusing the two. Anyway, I wasn’t there so I can’t say whether LL used excessive force, or whether ‘roid rage had anything to do with it, but he does have a very Barry Bonds-esque head these days. And good luck finding a picture of it, the guy owns more hats than Terrence Howard.

“Wait, wait, I’m not a stealin‘ hobo, I’m a singin‘ hobo– OH GOD NOT THE FACE!”

The hobo admitted to police that ‘I’m the type of guy that comes when you leave ‘. When authorities became suspicious of the homeless man’s injuries, Mr. Cool J replied only ‘The pudding is delicious.’

“obvious troll is obvious” did you really just write a generic meme on the internet. Damn your original. You wrote some disgusting stuff about the girl from kick ass. Nice job trying to run away from the first comment. Dude, I’m only getting started, that shit stays on the ‘net forever. Either you take the abuse and shut the fuck up about it, or I promise you will loose your “job” here.

I don’t know man, I’m just not feeling it. You don’t get points for style like that overly verbose Christian dude from the other week, and you’re not as creatively nonsensical as some of the wayward googlers that drop in from time to time. – It’s just like you haven’t figured out your style yet, you know? Maybe spend a few years honing your crazy and really making it your own, then try again. Thanks for taking the time, though.