Writing in The New York Times, Paul Krugman waxed snide as he described the mindset of the U.S. Congress. It "has always had a soft spot for 'experts' who tell members what they want to hear," he wrote. It's very important, Aries, that in the coming week you avoid that kind of behavior. In fact, I recommend that you seek out people who have a track record for intelligent objectivity, and ask them to tell you what you might not want to hear. At the very least, solicit insights from thoughtful types who aren't inhibited about giving you their perspectives on what you're doing. It's Feedback Season.

Got enough clues to chew on for a while? If you need more, give yourself the luxury of your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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At the heart of the pronoiac way of life is an apparent conundrum: You can have anything you want if you'll just ask for it in an unselfish way. The trick to making this work is to locate where your deepest ambition coincides with the greatest gift you have to give. Figure out exactly how the universe, by providing you with abundance, can improve the lot of everyone whose life you touch. Seek the fulfillment of your fondest desires in such a way that you become a fount of blessings.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells. Go here to listen to "You Are a Gorgeous Genius," a new podcast of me delivering an excerpt from my book. You can also listen to other podcasts here and here and here and here.

"Dear Rob Brezsny: I am Chandra Gupti, born May 16, 1979 in New Delhi. Right now I am not well settled due to searing problems and swampy hurt. Day by day my position goes down lower and darker, with no lantern or rope ladder. So please tell me how long this foolish suffering period will further corrode my hope. Give me at least a thousand answers that will heal every test and trial as soon as possible. I will lie in bed until you reply. Thank you. - Unraveled Taurus." Dear Unraveled Taurus: I love you with all my heart and soul and mind. I have adored you since the beginning of time and will worship your gorgeous Genius until eternity changes into infinity. Dear All the Other Tauruses in the World: Everything I just told Unraveled Taurus I now say to you as well. (P.S. A divine tinkerer will offer you a lantern and rope ladder within ten days. Hold on.)

How much do you want to know about your destiny? How far do you dare to go? For more insight into your intriguing fate, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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The dangers of excessive politeness are perfectly exemplified in the medieval legend of Parzival, Arthur's purest knight. His quest for the Holy Grail leads him to a castle where he is welcomed by a wounded lord. At dinner, a mysterious bowl captivates Parzival's attention. He's dying to know more about it, but he holds his tongue. His training as a knight has taught him that it's uncourteous to express too much curiosity.

Tragically, he doesn't realize that he has arrived at the very place where his quest could be satisfied. The wounded lord is actually the fisher king, the marvelous bowl is the Grail, and he is being presented with a magical test. The test consists of a simple task: to ask about the bowl. Because Parzival fails to do so, the king doesn't reveal the secret and doesn't give him the Grail.

The next morning, Parzival wakes up to find the castle empty, and he leaves having missed the very opportunity he wanted most.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells. Go here to listen to "You Are a Gorgeous Genius," a new podcast of me delivering an excerpt from my book. You can also listen to other podcasts here and here and here and here.

Maybe you have never been able to fly before today, and maybe you won't be able to fly when November arrives, but I bet you can fly now. Due to the benevolent cosmic agitation that has been lightening your mood, you can probably, if you choose, soar over logjams, dance above dark clouds, and do loop de loops in your dreams. Am I merely speaking metaphorically? Yes and no. Is a spiritual orgasm "metaphorical"?

Want more help in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss your coming week in greater depth in your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Receptivity is not a passive state. Nor is it a blank, empty waiting around for whatever happens to come along. In urging you to cultivate receptivity, I don't mean you should become a lazy do-nothing bereft of goals, reacting blindly to whatever life throws in front of you.
Receptivity is a robust readiness to be surprised and moved; a vigorous intention to be awake to everything you can't control. When you're receptive in the pronoiac style, you have strong ideas and a powerful will and an eagerness to disseminate your unique blessings, but you're also animated by the humble certainty that you have a lot to learn.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells. Go here to listen to "You Are a Gorgeous Genius," a new podcast of me delivering an excerpt from my book. You can also listen to other podcasts here and here and here and here.

One of the most famous pop culture icons in Indonesia died last July. Mak Erot, who was over a hundred years old, was renowned for her skill in helping men develop more sizable reproductive organs. The official story was that she used nothing more than prayers and herbs, but there are hints that she also had supernatural powers. She's your patron saint this week, Cancerian, even if you're a woman. I am calling on her inspiration, and I hope you will too, to help you lengthen and strengthen your inner, metaphorical phallus, by which I mean your will to accomplish your dreams.

Want more clues? Need further insight? For more evocative questions and pithy suggestions about your destiny, check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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Whatever you choose to focus your attention on, you will get more of it. If you often think of everything you lack and how sad you are that you don't have it, you will tend to receive prolific evidence of how true that is. As you obsess on all the ways your life is different from what you wish it would be, you will become an expert in rousing feelings of frustration and you will attract experiences that assist you in rousing frustration.

If, on the other hand, you dwell on the good things you have already had the privilege to experience, you will expand your appreciation for their blessings, which in turn will amplify their beneficent impact on your life. You will also magnetize yourself to receive further good things, making it more likely that they will be attracted into your sphere. At the very least, you will get in the habit of enjoying yourself no matter what the outward circumstances are.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells. Go here to listen to "You Are a Gorgeous Genius," a new podcast of me delivering an excerpt from my book. You can also listen to other podcasts here and here and here and here.

Popular conceptions of Jesus depict him as bearded and long-haired. Not so, declares fundamentalist Pastor Jack Hyles on his website. He says Christ was clean-shaven and had a pixie-cut hairstyle parted in the middle and curled up at the ends. After studying Hyles' arguments, however, I believe his evidence is flimsy -- just as I find no merit in his implication that Jesus was a stuffy, prudish right-winger who loved rich white men best and taught that we should eliminate people we disagree with. So I'm sticking with my image of Jesus as a peaceful yet rebellious hippie who didn't own property, hung out with social outcasts, was strongly anti-authoritarian, and loved everyone, even his enemies. I bring this to your attention, Leo, in the hope that you'll be inspired by my example. It's time to revisit one of your best teacher's essential messages, and rededicate yourself to those beautiful truths.

Want to hear more about the hidden factors influencing your life? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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Where exactly does happiness come from? That's the riddle posed by David Meyers and Ed Diener in their article, "The Science of Happiness," published in The Futurist magazine. I invite you to write your own answers to their question. Map out the foundations of your own science of happiness. Get serious about defining what makes you feel good. What specific experiences arouse your deepest gratification? Physical pleasure? Seeking the truth? Being a good person? Contemplating the meaning of life? Enjoying the fruits of your accomplishments? Purging pent-up emotion?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells. Go here to listen to "You Are a Gorgeous Genius," a new podcast of me delivering an excerpt from my book. You can also listen to other podcasts here and here and here and here.

With the help of a Norwegian space facility, the Frito-Lay company has used radar to beam a commercial for its Doritos tortilla chips to 47 Ursae Majoris, a star 42 light years away. Astronomers believe that habitable planets circle the star, so any creatures living there will eventually get an invitation to enjoy the crunchy corn goodness that so many earthlings have sampled. I'm making this vignette your metaphor of the week, Virgo. May it inspire you to formulate an "advertisement" for yourself and your specialties that will spread far and wide, reaching a new audience and activating your future potentials.

What blessings will life bring you? What challenges will you be invited to dive into? To explore the ripening trends further, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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Notice how you feel as you speak the following: "The strong, independent part of me resisted the embarrassing truth for a long time, but I finally came to accept that I'm someone who craves vast amounts of love. Ever since I surrendered to this need, it doesn't nag me all the time, as it used to. In fact, it feels comforting, like a source of sweetness that doesn't go away. I never thought I'd say this, but I've come to treasure the feeling of having a voracious yearning to be loved."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells. Go here to listen to "You Are a Gorgeous Genius," a new podcast of me delivering an excerpt from my book. You can also listen to other podcasts here and here and here and here.

Please spend some time in the coming week meditating on the epic tale of your life journey. Why? Because it would be an excellent time for you to begin writing your autobiography. Don't tell me you're afraid that such a project would be presumptuous. The way I see it, the planets are aligned in such a way as to suggest that you now have extra insight about the big picture of your destiny. So I hope you will at least create an outline of the story you will eventually put down in words, complete with predictions of what will be unfolding for you five years from today, and ten years, and 15 years.

Need a few more whacks applied to your mental blocks? A few more caresses administered to your growing edge? Cruise on over to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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To be the best pronoiac explorer you can be, I suggest you adopt an outlook that combines the objectivity of a scientist, the "beginner's mind" of Zen Buddhism, and the compassionate friendliness of the Dalai Lama.

To pull this off, you'll have to be willing to suspend your brilliant theories about the way the world works. Accept with good humor the possibility that what you've learned in the past may not be a reliable guide to understanding the fresh phenomenon that's right in front of you. Be suspicious of your biases, even the rational and benevolent ones. Open your heart as you strip away the interpretations that your emotions might be inclined to impose.

"Before we can receive the unbiased truth about anything," wrote my teacher Ann Davies, "we have to be ready to ignore what we would like to be true."

At the same time, don't turn into a hard-ass, poker-faced robot. Keep your feelings moist and receptive. Remember your natural affection for all of creation. Enjoy the power of tender sympathy as it drives you to probe for the unimaginable revelations of every new moment. "Before we can receive the entire truth about anything," said Ann Davies, "we have to love it."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells. Go here to listen to "You Are a Gorgeous Genius," a new podcast of me delivering an excerpt from my book. You can also listen to other podcasts here and here and here and here.

The bad news is that you are, metaphorically speaking, in jail. The good news is that a recent visitor sneaked you the key to the locked door of your cell. The weird news: You have not yet realized that you have the means to escape, since your visitor did not actually tell you that the key is hidden inside a certain thing he or she left behind. The great news is that I'm here to inform you about the situation. Once you locate the key, Scorpio, slip your hand between the iron bars so you can fit the key into the keyhole from the front. It won't work from behind.

Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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Evil is boring. The universe is friendly. Life is on your side. Joy is your birthright.
Cynicism is idiotic. Fear is a bad habit. Despair is lazy. In fact, all of creation wants you to succeed.
Act as if the universe is a prodigious miracle created for your amusement and illumination. Assume that secret helpers are working behind the scenes to assist you in turning into the gorgeous masterpiece you were born to be. Retrain your senses and intellect so you’re able to perceive the fact that life always gives you exactly what you need, exactly when you need it.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells. Go here to listen to "You Are a Gorgeous Genius," a new podcast of me delivering an excerpt from my book. You can also listen to other podcasts here and here and here and here.

A certain connection you've been wishing for and fantasizing about will soon become available -- if, that is, you shed your expectations about how it will come about, and if you shed your ideas about what will happen after the two of you get together, and if you shed all hope of controlling that person's feelings about you. In other words, Sagittarius, you can finally have the alliance you want, but only if you no longer want it in the way you've wanted it.

Do you want further explorations of the intriguing twists and turns of your personal evolution? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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George prayed every day for three years to win the lottery, but never heard from God or hit the jackpot.
Finally, God woke him up in the middle of the night. "George, is that you who's been praying so hard to win the lottery?" the Supreme Being boomed.
"Yes, Lord, desperately!"
God paused for a moment, then said thoughtfully, "George, I'll tell you what. I want you to meet me halfway. Buy a ticket, OK?"
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells. Go here to listen to "You Are a Gorgeous Genius," a new podcast of me delivering an excerpt from my book. You can also listen to other podcasts here and here and here and here.

For the next week, Capricorn, be an expanded and intensified version of yourself. In other words, do what's most unique about you, but do it even more and better and clearer than you normally do. If, for example, your specialty is being an emotionally intelligent organizer who artfully creates order, do that with even more flair than usual. If you have an exceptional knack for building structures that bring out the best in people, go crazy with that skill. It's a perfect moment for you to be bigger than life. Why? Because you have more power than usual to change the world around you.

Need more help with your riddles? Crave more support in your efforts to build your courage? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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Is it really healthy to have a shrill, 25-words-or-less opinion about everything, as radio and TV talk shows seem to imply? Would anyone mind if now and then you served as a compassionate witness about the hot-button issues? Is it conceivable that you could simply sit on the fence in the midst of the wars of words and beam articulate sympathy at both sides?

Yes, you can. You have the rebellious resourcefulness to be a freedom fighter without hating anyone. Go out and prove it.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells. Go here to listen to "You Are a Gorgeous Genius," a new podcast of me delivering an excerpt from my book. You can also listen to other podcasts here and here and here and here.

The most important advice you need to hear right now comes from musician Brian Eno, as quoted in Ode magazine: "I want to encourage you to sing . . . I believe singing is the key to a long life, a good figure, a stable temperament, greater intelligence, new friends, increased self-confidence, heightened sexual attractiveness, and a sense of humor." You should note, however, that Eno's prescription does not include performing for other people. He believes it's crucial that you sing for your own pleasure, and not be concerned about what others' reactions might be. You need "the freedom to get it wrong." That's a perfect guideline for you to observe in everything you do this week.

No one knows you better than you do. But maybe you'll be inspired to dig up even more self-knowledge if you tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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If you're typical, your natural curiosity was virtually extinguished at an early age by mediocre teachers, boring lessons, and oppressive classrooms. Have you ever wondered what your life would be like if your imagination hadn't been squelched? What interesting adventures might you have sought out if your natural love of learning hadn't been crushed?

Let's launch a quest to undo the damage. Imagine I've handed you an undiploma: your official release from the soul-death of your formal education; the beginning of the healing of your wounded love of learning. What's the first thing you'll do to invoke a steady stream of inspired teachers and invigorating lessons?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells. Go here to listen to "You Are a Gorgeous Genius," a new podcast of me delivering an excerpt from my book. You can also listen to other podcasts here and here and here and here.

In her poem "Pure," Kate Knapp Johnson speaks of "those who made me real to myself." I invite you, Pisces, to take an inventory of the people in your life who've made you real to yourself. That would be excellent homework for you to do during the phase of intensified intimacy you're now in -- a time when your allies are making even you even more real to yourself than you've ever been, as well as a time when you will be returning the favor to them.

What greater adventure is there than exploring the enigmas of your unique destiny? For more hints, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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This oracle is coming to you live from your repressed memory of paradise, reminding you that all of creation loves you very much.

Even now, secret allies are cooking up mysteries that will excite you and incite you for years to come.

Even now, the earth and sun are collaborating to make sure you have all you need to make your next move.

But here's the loaded question: Are you willing to start loving life back with an equal intensity? The adoration it offers you has not exactly been unrequited, but there is room for you to be more demonstrative.

Half of the art of pronoia is about being improvisationally receptive to life's elaborate scheme to shower you with blessings. The other half is about learning to be a co-conspirator who assists life in doling out blessings—to help everyone else get exactly what they need, exactly when they need it.

Visualize yourself being able to recognize the raw truth about the people you care about, seeing how they already embody the beauty their souls' codes have promised as well as how they still fall short of embodying that beauty. Imagine yourself being able to make them feel appreciated even as you inspire them to risk changes that will activate more of their souls' codes.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells. Go here to listen to "You Are a Gorgeous Genius," a new podcast of me delivering an excerpt from my book. You can also listen to other podcasts here and here and here and here.