It's Tom's 30th birthday and Linda invites the other residents over for a party. They turn up--after Tom has lied that his parents were killed in a car accident 17 years ago. When Linda confronts Tom about lying to her, he explains that his parents are boring and embarrassing--also, they don't approve of him being gay. He tries everything to get rid of them; finally he gets Linda to try to seduce his dad, Vernon, in hopes that his mum, Sheila, will get disgusted enough to leave. Tom tells Vernon to go to Linda's room, where she starts flirting. Tom drags Sheila to the room and they find Vernon and Linda having sex in her bed! He didn't mean for her to actually go through with anything! But Sheila walks out calmly, only shocked that Linda has the same bedsheet set as Tom's sister Carmel. Shocked at Sheila's non-shock reaction, Tom confronts her about not being able to face the truth. She retorts that he's the one who can't: Vernon and Sheila are swingers.

Linda- are you ready. Tom-No. Linda-oh you slipped it in when I wernt looking.

Linda- She got herself a see through bodystocking and a python, called herself 'Snatch & Ladders'

Linda- Mummy threatened Lulu with an Irn Bru bottle in the 60's, I bet that's not in the play! Daddy still refuses to have 'Boom Bang A Bang' piped through his iron lung, he may be braindead Tom but he's got principles!