Eric: [hands him a vacuum cleaner] Your mom said clean up this shit-hole or no grilled cheese for a week? Hutch: [sticks his head out on the door] That's emotional blackmail, and you know it!

Hutch: Rule number one: In my van, it's Rush. All Rush, all the time. No exceptions. Rule number two: Nobody touch the red button. And I mean never touch the red button. Most importantly, rule number three: There's no jerking it in my van! Windows: [throwing up his hands] Fine... Hutch: [amid laughter] Don't roll your eyes at ME, Admiral Jackbar!

Windows: You guys both got to stop perpetuating this myth that Boba Fett is some kind of bad-ass. All right? He has a jet pack. So did the Rocketeer. Really cool. When it comes time for battle, the man's Michael Bay - all style, no substance. Hutch: If you diss the Fett the again, I will corn-hole you with a lightsaber!

Zoe: Asshole. You have been trying that Jedi mind shit on me since the eighth grade. It doesn't work. Hutch: Oh, it works. Tell her, Windows. Zoe: He's been geeking out with Rogue Leader all morning. Nothing can tear him away. [lifts her sweater, exposing her breasts to Windows who is on the Internet on his laptop, not looking up] Zoe: Ah, I love the feeling of fresh air on my naked breasts. Hutch: Oh, ho-ho! Zoe: See that? Man's immune to sweater yams. Hutch: What about me? I like sweater yams!

Zoe: You might wanna hit the showers. 'Cause you smell like something shit *in* my nose. Hutch: Yes, Your Highnessness. [Hutch takes off his t-shirt] Zoe: Ew! What in god's name is living on your chest? It looks like you fell on ALF.

Windows: I met her in a Jedi chatroom. The woman is perfect. She's intelligent and acerbic, and a die-hard fan. She's even got connections inside the Lucas camp. Linus: Who's also got a man package and a goatee. Windows: You guys are all just jealous because she describes herself as a cross between Sarah Michelle Gellar and Janeane Garafolo. Hutch: Tell 'em how you described yourself. Windows: I was perfectly honest with her. Linus: You said you look like a white Billy Dee Williams. You called yourself white chocolate. Windows: I *am* white chocolate.

Linus: Official Episode 1 countdown is six months, 12 days, eight hours and some change. Windows: I would sell my soul to see that movie right here right now. Hutch: Dude, I would sell my left nut. And I only have the one nut. So you see how serious I am?

Admiral Seasholtz: Okay. Hilarious, everyone. Looks like we got more Lucas hounds here to mock Roddenberry. Congratulations, gentleman, but I would like to see your Darth Vader take on one Borg drone. And we'll see who's laughing then. Am I right? Windows: Darth Vader can put the entire Borg collective in a vice grip with his mind. Admiral Seasholtz: Uh, Darth Vader has asthma, so name me one Star Trek character with a respiratory disease, 'cause I'm drawing a blank. Linus: Name me one Star Wars character who's gay. Hutch: Beside's you. Admiral Seasholtz: Well, no one's gay in Star Trek, so why would I even do that? Linus: Captain Picard. Admiral Seasholtz: Okay. Captain Picard is not gay. He's British. Windows: [in a swishy voice] Come on. "Make it so!"

[waking the guys up to show them they're in Iowa] Hutch: Wakey, wakey, hands off steakey.

[after seeing the two hot escorts] Hutch: I'd like to knock the nickels out of that pussy!

[Hutch subdues a Trekkie in a fight] Hutch: Nighty-night, Spock-sucker.

Hutch: You gotta find your Death Star. Eric: Okay, I'll bite. Hutch: Greatest deed Luke Skywalker ever did was take down the Death Star, right? As far as I'm concerned, that's what everybody needs. You need that one bad-ass thing that lets you live on forever, you know.

[after having landed in the garbage disposal room] Windows: I have a bad feeling about this. Hutch: Um, you guys don't think that the, um... Linus: We are in George Lucas' trash room. Eric: Don't be ridiculous, okay? The walls are not gonna close in on us. [the walls begin to move in]

Hutch: I'm telling you, man. I took that Vulcan down hard. I rolled him into the dirt like he was my frickin tauntaun. Eric: Tauntaun, my ass. If it wasn't for me, you guys would all be dead. Windows: What fight were you watching? I was channeling the emperor. Linus: The emperor? I don't remember the emperor crapping his robe and screaming "time-out." Eric: Oh, my God. That's right. Windows: There is such a thing as time-out. Hutch: [imitating The Emperor] I can feel your anger growing inside. Wait. Time-out.

Head Of Security: By the time y'all walk away from this your face are gonna be shrunken and shriveled... [walks up to Hutch] Head Of Security: ...just like your one nut. Hutch: What? How can he possibly know that? Head Of Security: Oh, we know about your uniball. We know everything, Mr. Harold Hutchinson, aka Hutch. Son of Gloria. Humongous Rush fan. Hutch: Dude, you're freaking me out. How do you know this? Head Of Security: Because you have a Rush shirt on, dipshit.