Note: None of the following is fictional or exaggerated. These are all things that I have personally encountered in little more than a year at a publishing house. Letters, emails, phone calls, strange parcels, some mild stalking. Queries full of bad grammar and spelling come in all the time, but these are some that truly stand out.

Your father calling four people in the office every day and telling them about his ‘intimate relationships’.

Sending unsolicited emails with baby pictures of yourself and details of how and why they were clicked.