On what he thinks about Two and a Half Men now: "I feel bad for Jon [Cryer]. They lost their anchor and really went adrift. I think they're all doing the best they can with what they got left, but I don't think it should continue past this year. I really don't."

On how his meltdown showed everyone the real him: "I think that whole meltdown a couple of years ago, as bizarre as it was and whatever happened as a result, it gave people a chance to see that I didn't have to play the part of the guy being interviewed or whatever mask I had to put on. I just went, 'F--- it. This is who I am.' But now, people are like, 'Well, this is the guy we came to know way back when.'"

On his former flame Kelly Preston, who went on to marry John Travolta: "Kelly was a sweetheart, man. Super gorgeous and very cool. I don't know anything about John's sexuality and all that because I wasn't there. There have been rumors and this and that, and she had a very strong stand against—not the [gay] community, but that she would never want to be 'at risk'' like that. But then she went out with somebody who was radically rumored to be bi. It's a trip. Good guy, though. Met [Travolta] a few times and like him a lot."

On Lady Gaga, who makes her acting debut in Machete Kills, which Sheen plays the President in: "We didn't share any scenes, but I actually spoke to her on the phone. She wanted me to do a music video with her that was going to be the first X-rated video. It's her going to this strip club, with Britney Spears or somebody, and they're dancers and I'm the customer. And she wanted to do a full striptease as a lap dance for me, and she told me, 'If there's one person that should receive this X-rated lap dance, it's you.' I was so flattered, but we never spoke again."

On paying Lindsay Lohan's tax bill after co-starring with her in Scary Movie 5: "They offered me a ton of dough for one day, half a mil. But then they said they were going to cut it in half when they were hiring Lindsay. I asked her how much she was being paid, and she said $100,000, so I just gave her $100,000 of their money. Paying it forward... I was hoping that she would pick my brain a little bit on the set. That's the one thing that was really missing from the experience."