Mueller Probing Stormy Daniels, Russian Collusion Link

Robert Mueller has uncovered evidence that porn star Stormy Daniels had sexual collusion with five Russian men in a Moscow gangbang back in 2003. The rogue special council thinks some of this collusion may have rubbed off on Donald Trump during his sexual encounter with Daniels several years later.

Mueller, and numerous attorneys on his investigative team, have repeatedly pumped Stormy for information on the possible link between she, Trump and Russian collusion. They say she’s been very open every time they’ve pressed her hard.

An FBI forensics expert told us that while collusion is not a crime, it is pretty icky. “Collusion is similar to herpes in that it won’t kill your political career, but it also never really goes away,” the female agent stated. “It can lie dormant for years and then suddenly surface, should the person decide to run for president. Basically, it’s an STD (Stormy Transmitted Disease).”

Mueller also revealed today that within his team, Stormy is considered a whistleblower who has provided a patriotic service to Americans. “She’s blown a ton of whistles here since we first started advancing on her.”

On a serious note, Mueller said he firmly believes that traces of Russian collusion remain within Daniels to this day. “I’m going to continue probing Stormy aggressively until they they either fire me or lock me up.”