Memory is a fascinating thing. It’s only been 2 weeks since I’ve returned to the Land of the Free, but I’ve noticed large chunks of my trip glossed over and fuzzy. No longer do I remember all the history behind all the places we visited and day-by-day travels, instead I see the connections I made with people. I remember the primary school girl, Anuk, who surprised me because she was so knowledgeable, personable, and mature for a 14 year old. I remember being inspired by Lecia Brooks. I remember the rude master students who made me defensive of my country. And most of all, I remember the late night laughs, inside jokes, and awesome adventures with my fellow honors student classmates. I’m so grateful for all the wonderful new friendships I made abroad and I’m positive that they will be lasting. Some of us have already scheduled a “Berlin reunion” at a schnitzel place in Seattle.

When I think of my study abroad, a series of images cross through my head. The first image is walking into Die Fabrik. It feels normal, like I should be doing every afternoon. The next, is laughing on the U Bahn. It took a long time to felt comfortable with showing that I was American on public transportation. The first week, I wouldn’t say a word on the train and I wouldn’t even read my book because the Germans might have seen it was in English and known I was a tourist. But soon, this feeling disappeared and retrospectively, I think it was because I made great friends and I didn’t care if we were laughing or talking because we were having fun. Another vivid image is Lindsey, Karinne, Anna, and I sitting at our regular spot, which we called “The Green Bar” because we couldn’t pronounce the name. And finally, I see myself looking around the classroom seeing everyone look at the professor while we hear crazy statistics about the underrepresentation of minorities in the education system. If I start to deeply reflect on my trip, I can recall a lot more images and memories, but these are the ones that are superficial.

Being back in Seattle feels strange. It’s a mix of being so familiar and feeling wrong. When I first landed, I was so relived to be home and with my family and friends. However, after just 2 days I started to seriously miss Berlin and my Berlin friends. I felt this weird sense of hopelessness because I knew I wasn’t ever going to experience something like this trip ever again, or at least for a very long time. I was surprised at this sorrow because when I was in Berlin, I didn’t know I felt this way about Europe. As I’m writing this, so many memories are rushing to me, flooding me with nostalgia. It’s funny because I wrote one of the supplementary essays on the honors application about nostalgia and now I don’t think I knew what true nostalgia felt like at the time. Looking back, I had associated it with a happy feeling, like “aww those were the good times”. But now it’s more of a deep sadness, like something is missing from me and I don’t know how to get it back. I want to start planning another study abroad, but it’s so unrealistic with my schedule and the price of being over seas.

One of the things I miss most is the quality of conversations my classmates and I had at the most random times. I miss the intellectual input about research projects at the dinner table, or eclectic commentary about the current political situation while we were waiting for the tram. I felt like everyone at home moved at a slower pace, which is weird because Berlin was so relaxed. So far my conversations have been “oh man look at the weather” to “the crops are growing great this summer”. I miss the deepness of stimulating conversation and I think that’s one of the biggest reasons that I’m excited for school to start.

I don’t mean to badmouth my home because I love Seattle and Camano Island with all my heart, but it’s a very different feel from Europe. My study abroad has shown me that 1) I could live in a big city and be ok. Seattle feels very small to me compared to many other cities and I previously thought anything bigger than Seattle would be “too big”. I’ve learned that I actually love the vastness of a huge city and if needed, for a job or something, I would be perfectly fine with moving to a “big city”. 2) I could live abroad. At first, I never wanted to, or thought I could, live abroad. But now I’m seeing that it’s a very comfortable thing for me to think about. Of course, this wouldn’t be for many many years, but if an opportunity came up that I could not refuse, I would do it. That was a really cool realization for me to have because I felt so much more independent after the trip. Living in an apartment next year is going to be easy peasy.

With this last post, my Berlin blog is done. Thanks for everyone who took the time to read my posts and hear my thoughts about being abroad. “Berlin, I will never forget you” – scratch graffiti in the bathroom of a bar that used to be a brothel

Myth making can create surprising communities and stretch dialogue across the borders. This program, deeply grounded in the interdisciplinary liberal arts, a hallmark of the UW Honors Program, Education, and American Studies at Humboldt and Jena Universities, provides students with an in-depth comparative look at cultural tokenism and investigates the narratives of identity and its dynamic reformulation. Identity construction as related to identity politics of nation-states and cultural and social groups is a central theme specifically looking at American and German territories.Students will engage in foundational research during spring quarter’s preparatory seminar, learning about the history of U.S. border relations and the migration patterns of these countries compared with the migration patterns of Germany. Students will also be introduced to social science, humanities and arts research as well as educational methods as related to the program themes. Students will make connections with faculty from Humboldt and Jena during spring quarter and will continue these connections once in Germany.Students will utilize technology and learning portfolios to investigate the topics of:

I'm finally home!! As I write this, I’m sitting in a Starbucks in my small town of Stanwood completely overwhelmed by the things I missed about America. Ice in drinks. Free refills. Free water. Sidewalks that don’t make me trip every two steps. And people speaking English. I’m truly going to miss struggling my way through ordering a coffee, which usually turns out to be the wrong order, or just not very good since I’m a typical Washington coffee elitist. These past 6 weeks have been unforgettable. I’m trying to put my feelings about the end of the program, traveling, and learning about myself, but I’m ultimately failing. It’s a mix of nostalgia even though I left only yesterday and tearing up thinking about all the amazing experience and friends I made over the trip. Overall, I was very impressed with the study abroad program. I thought almost every speaker we had was interesting and engaging. I loved the excursion and private tours of amazing historical and urban sites. Some stands out were the Young Islam Conference and Lecia Brooks. Prior to this trip, I was never interested, or even thought about, the role of education in society and identity. It was just something you needed to have. But the speakers and class visits showed me how interesting and complex the idea of education is in a community. This program also showed me that I can be independent both socially and academically. I feel confident that I can navigate almost any airport or transportation system. I also know that I interact with people from different cultures with different languages. I also that if I want to know something, I can go out and figure it out by myself through reading or interviews. I feel comfortable being uncomfortable, and I’m incredibly grateful for that newly developed trait. My understanding of (re) interpretation and reenacting identities through German and American lenses of history and narratives has drastically changed from spring to now. I have realized “identify” is a dynamic concept that changes depending on who you talk to, where you are, and when you ask. Frankly, I still don’t quite understand it, but I don’t think that was the main goal of the program. To me the main goal was to open my eyes to the concept and allow me to use this knowledge for the rest of my academic and personal life. A significant part of my research is trying to quantify and walk the borders of appropriation, and dive into this identity, which I’m excited to do. It was interesting to see American Identity through the eyes of a foreign country. I’m still shocked by how the American Studies Master’s students completely stereotyped us, asking how often we went to McDonald’s (never) or how many guns we owned (none) or why our education system was such a “rollercoaster”. I would have thought they would have been more aware and educated about Americans and I was impressed watching my fellow students handle these some times inappropriate comments. A huge part of this program for me was learning about representation and how that affects national identity. In my previous post, I talked about who is being represented and how are people being represented through communication and expression. We saw this clearly through our research regarding minorities in Germany. I was completely unaware of the hurdles that students and workers with migrant backgrounds have to overcome. For example, the education tracking system that over represents minorities in the bottom two tiers, the Realschule and Hauptschule, which is frequently due to a language barrier. Also the situation with refugees being unable to learn German so they can’t integrate into society is another example of minority issues. To me, these systems seem inherently racist, which is a huge “no-no” or trigger word in Germany. In one classroom, I asked if there was racism present between German and minority students and the teacher completely shut me down and denied it. It was a very interesting encounter that we later talked about during the Young Islam Conference. To me, these are all factors that contribute to a countries national identity. Disclaimer: I don’t want to seem like I’m throwing stones because the US also has huge issues, which I intend to learn more about since my interest is sparked over these types of queries. Another experience that impacted me, was the “Indians and Cowboys” exhibition in Radebeul. I was surprised by how uncomfortable I felt seeing “America” was being portrayed in such an inaccurate and “bad” light. It felt wrong to see special Native American artifacts in a small town in Germany. And I was shocked at the small children running around with their faces painted in a way that was supposed to represent native American war paint. The history appropriation shocked and kind of of angered me. I tried to analyze why I felt these feelings and could only come up with “it felt wrong”. I wondered if this I was how Germans felt when seeing something like Leavenworth, a faux German town. I’m excited to connect my research to these overall program topics. The main ones I’m going to focus on are identity labels, Narratives of identity and its dynamic reformulation, identity construction, Art and performance as forms of resistance to deflect identity tropes, and overall appropriation. I’m also going to take a critical theory lens so I can quantify and create a framework in which I can analyze identity. My topic fluctuated as the program got deeper into certain concepts. Talking to Manuela and Catherine were invaluable resources. I was so impressed and intrigued with everyone’s research topics and I can’t wait to read some of the conclusions that people reached. I think that alone will be a continuation of my learning. As I wrap up my post for today, I wanted to state how incredible grateful I am to this program and to Germany. This trip has given me opportunities and connections with fellow honor students that I will never forget. I truly feel like I’m more a part of the honors community due to the program and that’s something I’m thankful to be able to experience. Farewell Berlin.