Well, there’s a surprise – the UK completely bombed in this year’s Eurovision Song Contest. I’m not in the slightest bit surprised. We don’t take this contest at all seriously and our nation, that continues to produce some of the greatest pop music in the world, is represented instead by complete unknowns and some very dull songwriting (sorry Pete Waterman, but this definitely wasn’t your finest hour).

I’m actually pleased to say that having caught my first listen to our song entry yesterday, I made the conscious decision not to watch and therefore not to be embarrassed.

Several people predicted that Germany would win… currently being the rich man of Europe and everything. (We could all be heading to them, cap in hand, pretty soon so we needed to keep ‘em sweet). That may be a little unfair, having listened this morning to singer Lena with ‘Satellite’. Her ‘mockney’ English accent is slightly dodgy (‘though to be fair she sings English better than I can sing in German), but she’s cute and the song is catchy, young and a bit of fun. It’s the complete package really …and a far cry from our very poor offering.

So, well done Lena and well done Germany. At least you can actually afford to host this next year!