Thursday, November 11, 2010

VETERANS DAY SUX IT RAINED NO SUN IM STILL IN BED I HAVE NO MICROWAVE SO I HAVE TO WAIT FORTY-FIVE MINUTES FOR A FROZEN CHICKEN POT PIE TO COOK LIFE IS PAIN DEATH IS SWEET RELEASE I BET THE PIE WILL BURN MY MOUTH I GUESS FEELING SCORCHING POT PIE FILLING IS BETTER THAN THE EMPTINESS I FEEL BUT WHAT IF I DONT FEEL THE HEAT CUZ MY MOUTH IS AS NUMB AS THE REST OF ME FEELS RITE NOW?? JESUS....

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Jesus, I wish I at least had the self-respect/decency to put my fucking jeans on before I run to the bathroom to puke up a whole bottle of wine. Oh well I guess it's true what they say. You are what you drink. A whole fucking bottle of whine.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Friday, March 26, 2010

I've been doing a lot of thinking and what if I released a series of full-length golf country club comedies the first being PAR, then PAR TOO: PAR TEE, PAR THREE, and finally PAR FOUR: THE COURSE?? I think it is important that when you have a dream or really great idea, you hold it tight in your hand and never let it go... Even if you squeeze too hard accidentally crushing it in the process. I think maybe Jamie Kennedy would be in the first Par movie and then just a guy who looks like him in the rest. OR MAYBE Jamie Kennedy dressed in prosthetics and makeup to LOOK like a guy who looks like Jamie Kennedy!!!!

After reading my previous post a few hundred times, I think the only way I could die happy would be if the sun were to explode or the earth just imploded or something long and drawn out but everyone goes at the same time. I don't know it would be pretty comforting I guess, but I mean once it happens it's not like it really matters I guess what I am saying is that I want to live to be 1,000 then die in my sleep being embraced by all of my descendants.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Oh my god. After you die everyone else keeps living. How do I know this? I know a handful of people who have died. What does this mean? I'm not sure. I get really heavy chested when I try to think about it though. I think I'll eat another bagel.

If it takes me two hours to get out of bed do you think I need to go to the hospital? At least if I was in a hospital bed I wouldn't feel like such a lazy piece of shit. Maybe I should buy a hospital bed for my bedroom?