We Can Rebuild Her……..we think

I’m one of those people who chose to work for a while until I figured out what I wanted to go to school for. After two false starts, communications then restaurant management major, I figured I needed some time. Student loans make it easier for you to get the education you want. And you don’t think about them until after you’re done with school and have to pay them back.

I spent 6 months thinking I wanted to be a writer or PR exec, after I graduated high school. When I lost my desire for that I went to culinary school for 6 months. Then I realized that wasn’t the life I wanted. So I left. Spent the next few years working at some interesting places. I’ve sold office supplies (door to door), gave guided tours by horse drawn carriage, done store inventories, raised funds for an environmental group, and worked in customer service. What can I say I don’t always pick your typical 9 to 5.

I waited until I was 28 to go back to college and get my degree. Always had an interest in Criminal Justice and Psychology. I remember watching Silence of the Lambs when I was 11, and thinking “I wanna do that“. Tip-toe through the mind of a serial killer and help bring a family justice. Yeah, I wanted to be Clarice and work for the FBI. So I went back for Forensic Psychology, and I love it! I’d never been an honors student in high school. But I am now. I work my butt off to get projects done on time. I’ve got a wall calendar with all my assignments on it, so I can keep track of things.

When I can, I work ahead. Right now I’ve got 4 of my last 8 projects for the semester done already. And I plan on having the last four done within the next two weeks. I have the one thing I never had in high school, a high GPA. 3.95 and I plan on keeping it that way. So I’ll stay in instead of going out with friends. I’ll work on papers instead of vegging out in front of the TV. In the end I’ll be proud of myself for dedicating all that free time to keeping myself on track. I made my mom a promise before she died that I’d be her only child to finish college. In 14 months I’ll be a college grad 🙂 Call me dedicated, call me tenacious, call me sleep deprived…..my name is Little Miss Productive and I’m keeping that promise!

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So I’m watching the Phillies game and I can’t help thinking about what it means to be the underdog. Not sure if it’s a Philly thing (Rocky and all) or what but most of my life I’ve felt like I was the underdog. In karate I had to prove I was as strong, if not stronger than the men in my class. When I talk sports with someone I have to prove that I’m not just a pretty face, I know my stuff too. Every injury I’ve had knocked me on my ass and I had to fight back and make myself stronger than I was before. So I feel like I’m always fighting this uphill battle to prove myself. I plan on working with law enforcement after graduation, and that is going to be another uphill battle. Law enforcement is, and will always be seen as “a man’s field.” I’ll have to prove myself to the people I work with that just because I’m a woman doesn’t mean I can’t do some good.

They say it’s not the size of the dog in the fight that matters, it’s the size of the fight in the dog. Well this dog gets tired of fighting sometimes. There are days I just want to lie down and give up. But for some odd reason I brush myself off and get back up. I don’t think I have it in me to just quit. I’ve always been that way. That’s how I was raised. Life sucks but if life was easy it wouldn’t be worth living. You can’t just settle and accept things, you have to fight for what you want. You want a happy life, get out there and do what you have to to get it. You want a great relationship, fight through the battles. I don’t want the easy road, I don’t want things handed to me. I’d rather sweat and bleed and crawl over broken glass or hot coals until I reach my target…..and then push myself ever farther. So I’ll be the underdog the rest of my life if that’s what I need to do. I’d rather be the underdog than the alpha dog. Why??? Because you won’t see me coming 😉