I Don’t Do You #Sorry

HAPPY FRIDAY YO! This is seriously my favorite day of the week. You leave work KNOWING that you have two full days to chill out … work is always kinda uneventful on Fridays… nodramaFridays. Love them.

Anyway, I’ve been a little MIA this week because major writer’s block lately. This is the problem when you’ve sworn off every man in the city because they are all master douches. But most importantly, I am having a hard time remembering all the crazy shit I used to do- denial much? I think so.

They’re called “shitshows” for a reason—because you do everything in your power to black them out of your memory.

Never fear- heading out on a spring break-like vacation today for the weekend and we all know that when is alcohol is involved- I always end up with a few stories ;)

Anyway, back to today’s topic. I’ve talked about douchebag guys, being heartbroken, dealing with horrible dates—but I’ve never talked about how horrible I am.

Truth hurts- but cheers to taking it (shots shots shots)!

It’s so easy for us to focus on what the other person did wrong in the relationship- to criticize their shortcomings… but how many of us really take a step back and critique what WE did?

I know I rarely do.

When it comes to guys hitting on me—I’m usually a bitch #sorryboutit. But if you’re coming up to me at a club? I’m creeped out. If you hit on me on the train? I’m disgusted. If you try to get at me at work… I’m ignoring you.

But while I might be a bitch in everyday situations/when someone provokes me—in relationships, my bitchiness takes on a completely different form: I’m a pussybitch.

My go to move? “Let’s take a break…”

Let me give you an example—

Before I moved out of my hometown, my Persianvirgin boyfriend and I had been together for a month? And he was whipped (this is what happens when you have sex in your mid-20s w/o any prior experience—you fall into that high school” love”) but I wasn’t.

And unfortunately for him, when I moved away…

I was introduced to a fast world of competition, motivation and hot businessmen.

#yum

And there just wasn’t room for him anymore. Obviously, when we began having sex—his heightened feelings were a bit much for me to handle (intimacy issues… aka Persian daddy issues)… but that wasn’t the only reason I started to change my mind about him…

Remember the ex that I refer to?

He entered the picture—let’s refer to him as Trick… he really is a Trick though #truestory.

We started flirting and I was suddenly attracted to him because he was different than anyone I’d ever been interested in. First off- he’s white. Second- it really is true what they say—you always want what you can’t have.

And I wanted on.

Now let me preface this part by saying, that I would prefer being dumped than having to do the dumping. It’s not so much about pride for me at that point- I just hate having that awkward conversation and most of all, I really fucking hate when guys cry. I just can’t handle the pressure and when I’m over it, I just don’t want to deal with the additional effort of having to have a two hour conversation about why it’s not working anymore.

What am I supposed to say in this situation? Umm I met this white guy and I kinda wanna hook up with him… see where it goes? NO.

Or

Um sorry, but you’re really starting to creep me out… NO!

So I did what every “mature” girl does, I told him we should take a break because didn’t know I wanted to focus on finding a job after my internship. Badbakht seriously.

We went on a two week break where I shamelessly dated Trick and got annoyed every time Virgin texted me to tell me he misses me.

At the time, I just didn’t give a fuck. I felt like Virgin was getting in my way and I just wanted him to man up and move on. But what the fuck was I thinking? How can you treat someone like that and get away with it?

Obviously as it ended and a few months later once things had calmed down a bit and I was exclusively dating Trick—I realized what I had done wrong and why you should never treat anyone like that even if you’re over them.

Because Karma is a BITCH. And you’re never rewarded for acting like a total asshat.

#justsayin’

I’m not really the best person to preach on this—but it’s something that I’m actively trying to change about myself… instead of trying to take the easy way out without even considering the consequences of hurting someone’s feelings, just be honest.

At the end of the day, not only will it make YOU more of a legitimate person but whoever you’re dealing with will appreciate it in the long run.

They might be called “white lies” but they’re not exactly a good thing (fyi- white makes you look fat… so just steer clear from all white things—boys included… jk… kinda).

So joonies- I know it’s hard to have to tell someone you’re just not that into them, sometimes you just gotta keep it real.

Have a good weekend and if you’re not too hungover- hit us up- we’d LOVE to hear all about your break up stories…

Thank you for your comment. I’m sorry but I dont think I quite understand– you’re calling me whitewashed because I’ve partied and had sex? How does that make any sense? Therefore you are implying that every Persian girl out there who has ever had sex or had a drink is white washed.

You are welcome to think that Saaghi and I are aren’t immersed in our Persian culture, but at the end of the day– you have no idea who we are or what our backgrounds are… and sorry but without basic information like that, your judgements about us (or just Farrah) really have no basis.

Thanks again and we hope our “white-washedness” doesnt deter you from continuing reading :)

Farrah, youre confused. Sogol said she’s never met persians that partied THIS MUCH. She didnt say you shouldnt party at all. Which is a valid point.

That said, I personally have never met persian girls with this much baggage in my entire life. Except for those whose fathers cheated on their mothers, leading to a perpetuating cascade of promiscuity to somehow justify to oneself that promiscuity is an acceptable way of life. Girls with divorced parents, and/or girls with bipolar disorder (or borderline personality disorder) tend to make impulsive decisions that will only make them regret all of their lifes decisions once they hit age 30. Thats when the biological clock really starts ticking…..

why are you so cold? it’s as if you’re really detached from life, sex, emotions. you love going to a new city where there’s lots of hot businessmen for you to fuck. you casually report that your man was whipped and you werent. you seem to be constantly in club behavior mode.

Thank you for your comment. Let me make a few things clear– no where in this post did I say that my ex was “whipped”– I may have implied it but it’s because I PERSONALLY truly believe that when you first sleep with someone or you first enter a relationship, your feelings are heightened. You really are “whipped” (your words not mine). I think this BECAUSE this is how it was for ME and for some of my closest friends. I can only base my assumptions on my past experiences.

Also, never did I say I wanted to fuck these hot businessmen. It’s really easy to put words in my mouth- but if you read more carefully, I enterred another relationship after my previous relationship. If you had read some of our PAST posts, you would know then that I dont really advocate for sex outside of a relationship.

Additionally, where in this post did I mention that I was out clubbing? Because I make references to taking shots? Do I ever give an example of being AT THE CLUB?

No.

Thanks again for your comment and I hope you judge me even harsher on the next post ;)

In my defense I only offer this: “And he was whipped (this is what happens when you have sex in your mid-20s w/o any prior experience—you fall into that high school” love”) but I wasn’t.”

Look I’m sorry I didn’t mean to judge so harshly. Deep down inside I really admire your girls’ courage and honesty, and I think Jayla has a point, but the fact that you guys let it all it means I think there’s a lot more truth to these than just fun made up bs. You deserve praise and I really support yall for being bold.

The inner reason behind my judging is that Im afraid. Ive never dated any Persians seriously. Im afraid about what I see here — I view it as cold, as judgmental, as emotionless. Id be scared to be in a relationship with people who have some of the viewpoints described on this blog. but the thing is, practically every persian girl ive talked to relates to this blog, they say this blog expresses how they really feel inside but have been too scared to show it. i am really worried about that bc im probably going to marry persian, lets be real. but i just dont know how to deal with the directness, the honestness, the emotionless attitude that i perceive toward sex and relationships on this here blog.

ahhh you got me- i missed that line when I was rereading– thanks for the catch. :) Let me try to explain something to you– at S&F, we write very bluntly and that’s just our style for the blog. It’s meant to put you off and make you THINK. Now whether every Persian girl feels this way or not- is up for debate, however– you should really keep this in mind: Not EVERY Persian girl can relate to the issues we discuss necessarily. They may relate to certain issues but that doesn’t make them a bad person aka a bad future wife. Every girl (whether they’re Persian or white or black or Asian) are going to think a certain way about a situation (dating, marriage, etc.) — how they CHOOSE to express their feelings is UP TO THEM. You can’t categorize all Persian girls into one group and just stamp with this label that “all Persian girls think this.”

Now also with that said– please keep in mind how GUYS/MEN express their emotions… and their actions. Is it really so much better? And if not, why are MEN allowed to speak out like this but Persian girls not?

Sohrab jan, I definitely hope we haven’t scared you away from the Persian girls- they really are one of a kind ;) and you should always be open to meeting different/new people- it’s all a learning experience and THAT is what we try to express here at S&f :)

that’s cool that it’s your style for the blog, but is that the way you talk to yourself when you think about this stuff? i would guess it is…anonymity gives you the ability to write what you really think/

and i’m not just pulling that generalization out of my ass- what makes your blog popular is it strikes a nerve with A LOT of persian girls that were either born or immigrated to the US. they’ve told me this personally. and i’ve told them it seems too goddamn cold and heartless. and they say they don’t even see it. it’s very scary, and to respond to your point, your average guy isn’t as cold and heartless as some of the writing here.

your average American, post-college guy is just trying to have a good time and not mess life up too badly, and hopefully make something of himself by 30 or so. if he can find a hot gf he’ll stick with her, but he’ll probably end up with someone average, because he himself looks average, and accepts average. and he’ll probably be happy with it. he definitely doesn’t have the balls to write anything similar to the things you write here. like about hot businessmen, judging people by their cock size, wanting certain ethnicities, etc. it’s all very threatening, i think, to average dudes. and to me.

i agree that it’s great to meet other people. and you promote that for sure. so keep it up.

BUT more importantly keep being honest. even if i don’t feel happy some of the things here, i love most of it, and most important its good to know what you write is REAL, and has genuine meaning.

It seems that what people aren’t “getting” here is that this is a sex blog so clearly you’re only telling us your sex stories and the most entertaining of those because this is also supposed to be entertaining. If you judge anyone simply based on humorous accounts of their sex lives you’re going to think that they’re slutty alcoholic heartless bitches. We’re not getting to know these girls, we dont know who they are, what they do, who they’re families are etc. or how they behave on a daily basis so I don’t think people should be quick to judge. It’s a fucking sex blog take it at face value!

I loved the post Farrah and I completely relate I’ve majorly fucked over an ex for the new sexy guy when i should’ve just told the poor kid the truth!

You are a very confused girl, Jayla. What you aren’t “getting” is that the sex stories here themselves are incredibly fucked up half the time and involve opportunism, extreme displays of promiscuity, disregard for their own health, disregard for the mental well being of others whom they exploit(ed), and a general arrogant attitude that implies all Persian women are supposed to enjoy sex. Fact is, not all women enjoy sex. Get over it.

With that said, the last sentence you posted is so incredibly ironic and actually reflects on why you yourself need to work on your critical thinking skills. You said we shouldn’t be “quick to judge”. Well, you just said you fucked over an ex, likely cheated on them. That gives men the right to judge you. That gives men the right to know what sort of dishonesty you have been capable of in the past (even if youve changed now) so they can avoid you. We are judging these girls (and you) because of the fucked up shit that theyve done. Doesnt matter how much good you or they do with their lives, fact is, you (and they) have committed acts that are reprehensible and disgusting for self pleasure. Go buy a vibrator rather than toy with other peoples’ lives.

Thank you so much for your comment- it truly made my night :) I’m so glad that you follow the blog and that we have your support- Saaghi and I are truly appreciative.

Now this may be very “un-diplomatic” of me, but I’d like to ask that you ignore the comment that “Eric” left for you. Any “man” who insists that we should just “get over the fact that some women can’t enjoy sex” should really go to hell and stick to speaking for himself- rather than the entire opposite gender.

I really don’t want to contribute to more mansplaining in these comments, so I’ll try and direct my comments to the dudes in the thread:

Sohrab: These girls are doing essentially the same thing a group of guys might do together (discussing their sex lives, preferences in a mate, swapping great/embarrassing stories, etc.), but out here in public for all to read. Since patriarchy dictates that women should not talk openly about sex, enjoy sex, have multiple partners, or even have preferences in regards to sexual partners (whereas, conveniently, none of the above applies to men), what they’re doing here might be very jarring to someone who has never put these issues under a critical lens. I think the uneasiness you have with all this, which probably just amounts to insecurity, comes from that. I imagine that a good number of women are intimidated by men openly talking about how they go through sexual partners with ease and live largely noncommittal sex lives and constantly trash girls’ appearances, but we as men are rarely confronted with the opposite.

I haven’t read every one of their posts, but I don’t see a detachment from life, sex, and emotions as you do; I read just the opposite. The authors of this blog seem to be very passionate, thoughtful, more or less relationship-oriented people who happen to have active sex lives and are comfortable talking about them, and rather than intimidate you, it should encourage a dialogue on the subject and help you come to grips with the fact that yes, women enjoy sex and yes, women have preferences. The fact that every Iranian girl you’ve talked to has told you that this blog expresses how they feel should not scare you, it should thrill you because now you have a key with which to relate to them on a real emotional level, and many guys (Iranian or otherwise) will not only be uncomfortable talking about it, but may not even realize it’s an issue, and thus their relationships will suffer.

eric: Your butthurt is showing and is embarrassing the rest of us. Your anger over some girls talking about how they enjoy sex – something that has absolutely nothing to do with you – is exactly what I’m talking about above. You’re applying a double standard that you would not apply were these two men instead of two women, and your assertion that not all women enjoy sex makes me wonder if you’ve ever met one.

What the fuck are you talking about? Did you not read a word of what me and Sohrab wrote? We are simply saying, its not the fact that what saghi/farah write is explicit that bothers us, its the behavior itself that bothers us. The content. The fact that she seems untrustworthy, sexually promiscuous, and unfaithful, suggesting a deeply embedded and longitudinal pathology in her character. Theres nothing wrong with having sex. But being so incredibly emotionally detached from sexual encounters is not a normal psyche for a human female. It suggests certain pathologies. Go read about any study of evolutionary biology regarding female sexuality.

Adam: i think you might have intended not to mansplain. but that’s exactly what you just did.

it’s definitely a bit of insecurity behind my uneasiness. no shit, sherlock. i feel insecure sometimes, so do you. does that have anything to do with patriarchy or critically analyzing gender relations? no, it’s a pretty natural human reaction. imagine if someone you were with was judging how good at sex you were harshly, or expecting that bc you’re from a certain ethnicity (arab) who were supposed to bring certain qualities into relationships, like boldness or a willingness to be rough. it might just make you feel insecure, if you were man enough to admit it. but it sounds like you have all the answers, so i won’t count on it.

are you implicitly advocating it’s a good thing for society to tolerate or accept that women should act the way you describe? is it anti-patriarchy for women to have noncommital sex lives and judge men’s appearances, personalities, etc. as harshly as some guys might judge girls’ appearances? i think that’s absolutely fucking stupid mate, and you should feel the same way about men doing it. feminism is NOT about turning women into cold, detached, dispassionate people who enjoy meaningless sex and short term relationships as men have been socialized to do. Sex and the city isn’t the answer. it’s about creating a win-win society, not a lose-lose one, where men and women can have equality (aside from, say, careers where men are physically necessary), have satisfying love lives and relationships, and flings and one night stands if they want too. but it is NOT about creating female frat boys, and i think that’s close to some of what i read on here.

AMEN. So many simpletons come here, mince our words without understanding our posts, in a useless attempt to try to justify bullshit behavior. Neither me nor Sohrab are disagreeing with women having sex. We simply disagree with immoral and hedonistic behavior. We disagree with people acting like animals. I don’t understand why it bothers them that some women DO NOT like sex. Its not for everyone obviously. The difference between a goat and a human is: a human can control its sex drive. Have a nice day ladies. Let me know how life turns out after age 30.

In females, nipples serve the purpose of breastfeeding. In males, they serve no evolutionary purpose. They are a byproduct of evolution. Same with the orgasm. That also explains why most women dont orgasm from sex, and up to 15% dont even orgasm at all.

I’m sorry…what is your obsession with this whole “women don’t enjoy sex”?
Did you just fail to make your partners orgasm so your excuse is that they physically can’t have any orgasms?
Sex is a natural part of life for both males and females. No one can tell anyone else how much or how little sex they can have! Or whether they are allowed to enjoy it, or CAN enjoy it, for that matter. Your ideas of morality and sex drive are all culturally constructed and defined….not just “natural” or “evolutionary.”

If you have such a hard time wrapping your brain around the idea that women should be able to have as much freedom in sex as men, or can’t even take the time to intelligently think about the concept, then I feel utterly sorry for the woman that will end up with you.

What is with all this accusing Farrah Joon with promiscuity and such and then labeling her white-washed? Totally uncalled for rather immaturish – especially you Eric.

People can be whatever they choose to be and identify with whatever culture they wish to identify with. Who are you to judge people for the way they want to live their life or associate with their culture? And what’s wrong with partying too much? She obviously knows how to have fun and she does it. If you don’t want to party, don’t. If you don’t want to enjoy your sexuality, don’t. She’s comfortable with who she is and not only that, she’s comfortable and brave enough to bring it up and talk about it.

Where exactly are we? Tehran?

I think her posts are excellent. They give great insights into problems women – especially Persian women – face not just here, but also in Iran. If you disagree, politely say so. Attacking her like this only speaks to the level of your own ignorance.

Mansplaining is when dudes take to a discussion about women’s health/rights/sexuality/etc. and try and explain to women what the deal is (i.e. exactly what you and eric did/are doing) – my comments were directed solely at you two and not at the ladies, although I do apologize for their patronizing manner. However, I now have a mountain of questions for you:

Why do I get the sense from your comments that you feel like the writers are judging you personally? You don’t even know them and you know not all women think and feel the same way; why are you applying their rubrics to your life and experiences?

“are you implicitly advocating it’s a good thing for society to tolerate or accept that women should act the way you describe?”

Who said anything about good or bad? People should be able to live without being judged, as the authors of this blog are being right now, by you. If you’re such a feminist, what’s with all the policing of female behavior and sexuality? I’m sorry, but I don’t believe for a second that your moral outrage in this case applies to both men and women or that you’re quite the egalitarian you say you are. Your “equality” is conditional (“aside from careers where men are physically necessary” – what in the hell does this mean?), and you can’t even maintain ideological consistency for one whole discussion thread. Case in point:

“your average American, post-college guy is just trying to have a good time and not mess life up too badly, and hopefully make something of himself by 30 or so. if he can find a hot gf he’ll stick with her, but he’ll probably end up with someone average, because he himself looks average, and accepts average.”

Why, is that a suddenly somber, sympathetic description of “the average guy” doing the EXACT SAME STUFF you’re decrying from the women in these blog posts? Yes, I think it is. Also, props for learning to accept an average-looking girl.

“it’s about creating a win-win society, not a lose-lose one, where men and women can have equality (aside from, say, careers where men are physically necessary), have satisfying love lives and relationships, and flings and one night stands if they want too. but it is NOT about creating female frat boys, and i think that’s close to some of what i read on here.”

I don’t understand – so you want a world in which women can do all the sexy things guys can do, but not talk about it? Or not enjoy it? Or only want to do it with you? I mean, where is this arbitrary line where it’s suddenly unacceptable to you?

wow, intersting. I just want to add that the Iranian counterparts of Eric and some other boys in Iran, right now have their first sexual encounters through prostitutes! so how about that! how low and emotionless could that be. plus exactly because the boys in Iran are brought up with this notion that sex is just for men that they put women so low and treat them as they are just here on earth to please men. just take a look into the jokes that come from Iran lately and you see what I mean.