Random (a)musings from the author of "No Roads Lead to Rome" and "Aqueduct to Nowhere"

History Repeats, Again!

History Repeats, Again!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

On the Fly Winter Bargains

Now that winter has arrived in Europe, the low-comfort, low-cost airlines—many of whom require customers to help push their own planes onto the runway— are falling all over themselves to offer cheap fares to exotic locations. Last week, for example, tourists could fly from frosty Torp, Norway south to semi-tropical Weeze, Germany to for only 15€. (Taxes not included.)

In an all-out air-war over prices, the low-budget carriers have figured out that bargain lovers will rush to some of Europe’s’ most out-of-the-way places just to save a few quid. Thanks to Ryanair, for example, many Spaniards will spend the winter in Skavsta, Swedenfor the simple reason that it’s a good deal.

To keep prices grounded, the no-frills airlines go to great lengths to skimp on costly luxuries like barf bags, or leg room for anyone older than six. The physics are simple: aerodynamically speaking, frills aren’t needed to keep a fully-loaded Airbus airborne. Besides, packing passengers together like carbon atoms in a pencil is good for massage therapists and, as a general rule, what’s good for massage therapists is good for the global economy.

In addition to subtracting every remaining sub-atomic particle of customer service, the low-cost kings have reduced staffing levels to the legal limit. This means that the person selling you duty-free “Pringles” is also piloting the plane. By dropping the air-pressure in the cabin to that of deep space, the airlines are assured lucrative profits on water sales to dehydrated travelers.

Fortunately for us, the intense focus on savings hasn’t impacted safety. I salute the airlines’ efforts to reduce expenses by not equipping planes with flotation devices. Who really believes that, in the event of a water landing, you’ll be saved by your soggy seat-bottom?

Read My Books

“Life’s Big Zoo” is a catcher in the rye bread coming of age in the late sixties story set in L.A.'s Laurel Canyon, 1968

"No Roads Lead to Rome" was a semi-finalist in the Amazon 2011 Breakthrough Novel Competition. Historical fiction, political humor, and a wild adventure set on the fringes of the Roman Empire in A.D. 123

Fans of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy," Terry Pratchett, Kurt Vonnegut Jr. and Monty Python will love these novels.

Publishers Weekly said "No Roads" is "...recounted swiftly, with verve, panache, and a light tread that makes for a delightful, well told tale."My free Kindle book "The Expat's Pajamas - Barcelona" is a collection of humorous articles from my years in Spain. If you've ever lived abroad or plan to, you'll get a kick out of this e-book that Free (on Amazon and Smashwords) to promote international misunderstanding.

Me, by me.

I was born high above Sunset Blvd and grew up in a suburb of Disneyland.
I've lived and worked in France and Spain, speak 2.5 languages, and play a mean guitar.
I got the idea for “No Roads Lead to Rome” while hiking in the hills above Barcelona, Spain. The story came to me in a blinding flash that took the next 5 years to extract.
I'm also the author of "The Expat's Pajamas," a collection of mostly true stories about life in Barcelona.