Okay, y’all. Time for a Serious Conversation. We know you consider yourselves New Orleanians. But we’re concerned you’ve neglected critical NOLA heritage: the Greeks. After all, where would Red Dress Run be without the invention of the marathon, the West Bank be without Odyssean sea quests, or really, any of us be without the invention of costumed civilization soused in alcoholic consumption? So come clap your hands and stomp your grapes as two great civilizations merge into one at New Orleans’own Greek Fest.

Like ancient times, Bayou St. John’s Greek Fest will feature open air markets, sizzling smells of sensational food, and the occasional misguided donkey (otherwise known as folks driving through the Bayou for reasons other than Greek Fest). Climb Mount Olympus, clang the Hercules Hammer, spar with kebab sticks or challenge that cute demi-god you’ve spotted across the way to a goat burger eating contest.

Now, we’ve diverged some over the ages from our ancestors’ ways (clearly when the Greeks invented straight lines, the Mississippi River missed the memo), so Greek Fest will also be a chance for you to learn more about the civilization that brought us democracy, cosmetology, philosophy, poetry, and perfectly tied togas. See Hellenic dances, don your own Sunday toga, and educate yourself in Greek voodoo with the purchase of an evil eye at the Import Booth. Opa!

Get Greek culture without having to dodge vengeful gods, push boulders up hills, or resist Siren calls? What reason could you possibly have for missing this? (Be careful what you say - Mount Olympus is listening.)