I am taking a grant writing course where in I am laying the ground work for a (real) grant for a local museum. One of the women who will be on the curriculum committee for programming introduced herself to me as "Mrs Vazquez", she is known not to like the title "Ms" at. all. My professor on the other hand is quite insistent that she feels disrespected if any woman is referred to as "Mrs." and that it.shall.be.done. her way. I realize that I will have to do it her way for the project I turn in for a grade, but I thought it would be an interesting etiquette question to see how ehellers would resolve the two ideas of "proper" address?

As someone who goes by Ms., I call people by what they introduce themselves as. To be honest I think your professor is being unreasonable. The idea of deliberately calling someone the wrong name because someone else insists seems to be rather rude whether the incorrect name is Mrs or Ms.

If your professor is likely to be reasonable could you put this one back onto her? Ask her outright how she would handle this situation, and whether she would prefer the correct name or her version.

Depends on the professor. If I thought the professor was a reasonable person on this issue, I'd have a discussion, pointing out that people, including the professor, have a right to be called by the term they choose, in the hopes that the professor would relent.

If the professor seems adamant on this issue, and you suspect using "Mrs." might affect your grade, I'd use "Ms" on everything turned in to the professor.

If Mrs. Vazquez happens to see any of that material, I'd just explain that my professor insists on "Ms" with no exceptions, and since I need a passing grade in this course, that's what I used. Any documents submitted to the museum would of course have her preferred title of "Mrs." substituted.

And if either of them complained about it after that, I'd refer them to each other and take myself out of the battlefield. Because their real problem wouldn't be with me and I wouldn't want to waste my life energy sorting out the mess. They are the ones causing the problem; let them fix it.

I am taking a grant writing course where in I am laying the ground work for a (real) grant for a local museum. One of the women who will be on the curriculum committee for programming introduced herself to me as "Mrs Vazquez", she is known not to like the title "Ms" at. all. My professor on the other hand is quite insistent that she feels disrespected if any woman is referred to as "Mrs." and that it.shall.be.done. her way. I realize that I will have to do it her way for the project I turn in for a grade, but I thought it would be an interesting etiquette question to see how ehellers would resolve the two ideas of "proper" address?

*She* feels disrespected if other women use 'Mrs'? I think your professor needs to get over herself. She doesn't get to make that choice for anyone except herself. If Mrs. Vazquez prefers to use 'Mrs' that's her decision.

The professor needs to understand that each person gets to choose how they are referred to. I would point out cases with known preferences, although I might still default to "Ms" is no preference is known.

That said, and on a similar note...I get repeatedly called "Senorita" nevermind that I have been married for over 5 years now. And the offender didn't even meet me until after I was married...but she still calls me that because I'm much younger than her. EvilDH suggested that I start calling her the same (she has been remarried for 4 years and is a native Spanish speaker...she really knows better)

Depends on the professor. If I thought the professor was a reasonable person on this issue, I'd have a discussion, pointing out that people, including the professor, have a right to be called by the term they choose, in the hopes that the professor would relent.

If the professor seems adamant on this issue, and you suspect using "Mrs." might affect your grade, I'd use "Ms" on everything turned in to the professor.

If Mrs. Vazquez happens to see any of that material, I'd just explain that my professor insists on "Ms" with no exceptions, and since I need a passing grade in this course, that's what I used. Any documents submitted to the museum would of course have her preferred title of "Mrs." substituted.

And if either of them complained about it after that, I'd refer them to each other and take myself out of the battlefield. Because their real problem wouldn't be with me and I wouldn't want to waste my life energy sorting out the mess. They are the ones causing the problem; let them fix it.

I loath "Ms" but I know that is what is accepted now so I don't fight it. It is all politics like this in the long run, and it makes me tired.

What would you personally want to call someone who is married but did not take her husband's name? I'm just curious because you loath "Ms" but a married woman who didn't take her husband's name can't really be "Miss" or "Mrs". Right?

Just trying to figure it out.

Personally, I wish there was one "M" title for women so that we didn't have these "politics". Miss is my favorite I think.

Yeah, I use "Ms." regardless of age or marital status, and I've never encountered an issue with it. If I did, I'd use what the addressee preferred (and so should the OP, except in her class assignment), though I would see it as highly unusual.

Yeah, I use "Ms." regardless of age or marital status, and I've never encountered an issue with it. If I did, I'd use what the addressee preferred (and so should the OP, except in her class assignment), though I would see it as highly unusual.

Yeah, I use "Ms." regardless of age or marital status, and I've never encountered an issue with it. If I did, I'd use what the addressee preferred (and so should the OP, except in her class assignment), though I would see it as highly unusual.

why?

Well, I'd see it as highly unusual because it has never been an issue.