Ashton Kutcher Portraying Steve Jobs In A Biopic Is Not An April Fool's Gag, Sadly

When I noticed links appearing in my Twitter feed yesterday that featured some variation of the words “Ashton Kutcher to portray Steve Jobs in movie,” I just assumed that it was part of a dumb April’s Fool gag. After all, who would be so cruel as to subject Jobs’ surviving family and friends — not to mention the millions of Apple fetishists across the globe — to having their beloved Steve’s legacy further defiled by having the bro from “Dude Where’s My Car” who’s too dumb to manage his own Twitter account portray him in a film about his life?

The King of Twitter is now the King of Apple, as “Two and a Half Men” star Ashton Kutcher is attached to play Steve Jobs in the indie pic “Jobs,” which Joshua Michael Stern (“Swing Vote”) will direct from a script by Matt Whiteley.

The film will chronicle Steve Jobs from wayward hippie to co-founder of Apple, where he became one of the most revered creative entrepreneurs of our time.

If it is indeed possible for a dead person to roll over in his or her grave, I imagine Steve Jobs is doing that right now.

Peter Griffin: Well, I got the idea to build a panic room after I saw that movie “The Butterfly Effect”. I thought, “Wow, this is terrible. I wish I could escape to a place where this movie couldn’t find me.”

So dumb that he:
1. Openly criticized the firing of a man who allowed another man to molest little boys while being the spokesman for an anti-abuse organization forcing his handlers to take away his new tweeting toy.
2. Reeeeeally didn’t have to do much acting on That ’70s Show, he just had to memorize the script.
3. Is mentally the “half” on Two and a Half Men (prime contender for Most Horrible Sitcom Ever With Astonishingly High Ratings)
4. Was the brains behind Punk’d
5. Cheated on wife Demi F*cking Moore (which may have led to…)
6. Pissed off John McClane by cheating on his babies-mama