I don't really like the word blog, but it seems pointless to fight it, Zis is a blog.
If you want to know more about an Algerian girl who lives in London and struggles with thoughts that are beyond the remits of her understanding, stories of society and social climbers of love and deception and of a status of seemingly eternal singlehood, then you are in the right place...

Monday, 7 March 2011

34 and guess what??? ….still single

I thought by the time I hit 34, I would have to re-consider this blogs title or something will happen to render it redundant...how could I remain single for 5 years, I mean I am fit, I don’t resemble the elephant man, I have above average intelligence, am not a total freak and above all I look 25 not 34 (jealous?)

Since I can only take so much rejection, I have decided to remain single by choice now rather than by infliction, unless a miracle occurs and lets face it…miracles don’t happen to cynical people or for that matter to anyone.

So for my 34th Birthday, I celebrated by protesting, a non-celebration celebration, who wants to celebrate turning 34 anyway? I worked late and as a treat for my surviving 34 years in this world I took myself home to Algeria for a long weekend. Of course it rained the whole time and if it wasn’t for all the Algerians and the incessant sound of car horns I would have thought I was still in London…LOL yeah right!

By force of habit I always ask for a Café Latté and I always get the same puzzled looks; café weshnou (1)? After that reaction I don’t dare ask if they have skimmed milk, so I have the Algerian version which is Café crème or a nous-nous café(2) at Sidi Yaya…where else. So a few of those lovely beverages, several hours in traffic, many pointless police check-points, and 4 days later I was back in London pondering the course of my life here, its all about work, gym, music, friends, good wine sorry I mean gazouz (3) and obviously maintaining celibacy, so far it has been a blast.

I met someone on the flight over to Algeria last week, of course he wasn’t my type, he was the type of guy I would make quite obviously sure that everybody knew he wasn’t my boyfriend by probably giving him a few pats on the back, laughing out loud and wear my hair crazy but purely based on curiosity I ended up giving him my number and accepted to go on a date with him – Ah the things you do in the name of research.
I could read him like an open book, admitting I was 34, I could see him running a movie in his minds eye “she must be promiscuous, drinks, is far too independent and most probably desperate which spells easy lay for him or must not marry” I too have had a vision of how this is going to develop, its probably too soon to tell but in my head it goes something like this:

Me: I don’t think this is going to work, let’s just keep it here and no I don’t want to remain friends
Him: “Profanities”…Algerian girls are the all same; I am going to marry a European
Me:
Him: Yeah you have nothing to say…”profanities”… “more profanities”…you’ll never get married, nobody will marry you…”profanities”…BAYRA(4)

So there you have it.

Another friend (5) said Dz-Chick I am going to introduce you to a friend of mine but he is very very fussy, and he may not like you …not like me? Have you seen me?Lol Best comedy moment ever…ah how I laughed, turns out he was right his friend didn’t like me based on his pre-judgement of my facebook profile. I could picture him going through my photo albums making mental notes – “Do not introduce to parents” “must not marry” “do not start”.

So this shows my “friends” feeble attempt at setting me up was mediocre, miscalculated or just plain spiteful because he couldn’t have me himself (in the past). Why try to set up two people you know certain of not reaching a meagre 30% match. May I remind you that my criteria is not just Algerian, there is a list which I would like to point out, it includes not resembling the elephant man or being diagnosed with deep paranoia psychosis.

I don’t know who is giving 34 a bad reputation but just because women get older, it doesn’t make them desperate, au contraire; it makes us choosy, knowledgeable and sure. Have you not heard that women are like wine they get better with age?(6)

So another year has gone by and I am still here writing my “single women” blog – don’t you just love consistency?

29 comments:

I am an Algerian woman, living in the states, very recently divorced after 15 years of a really bad marriage.My dream used to be: study, get the highest education I could have, it did not work out that way.I had to get married, coz I was tired of being bossed around by the entire male in my family, male that I supported financially, but had no power, no existence as girl, and when I hit 23 years old, the “male” in my family started to freak out, about me being to old already, the jokes, the remarks, all about being the BAYRA of the family, basically the shame of the family.I resisted, I wanted a man that I could talk to, somebody smart, understanding, and mostly open minded. I had no desire about money what so ever (as many men reading your blog think that Algerian girls are materialistic, NOT TRUE)Found the guy, got married, stepped one century back in time! Problems with his family, that lead to problems with him, I was so patient that I lost my self. I had 2 beautiful children that I was not ready to have (I am glad I have them, love them unconditionally), he became extremely abusive, verbally, physically of course emotionally definitely.I am now divorced, ok I have my beautiful boys, but, they are going to leave me one day.I can’t date, no time or even have the mind set for it, after my boys leave me, my life would be basically over, I will be too old.Everything you say in your blog is so true, maybe raw for some Algerians, but true, I can so relate to it.I thought that my life was over, but I met this lady 80 years old, who told me she met her husband 5 years ago, she was never married before, she wanted to travel, have fun, then realized after few bad relationships, that she was done with men. That now, she is the happiest ever with this man, and guess what, he is 12 years younger! And she told me the life never felt as great as right now. Age, doesn’t really matter, it’s the happiness and the peace in our souls that really count.What I am saying, that maybe it is a blessing for you to be single, you own your life girl!! You are the dream of so many girls out there in Algeria, and other Arab countries, the girls that are not freaking out to get hitched.Your great half is out there, somewhere, you will meet him at the right time, you’ll see. Il vaut mieux etre seule que mal accompagne n'est ce pas?

Star :) thank you for sharing your story, it is what a lot of Algerian women experienced in their lives they escape one prison to go to the next, but you seem to have taken your life in charge and left him?!Life is full of suprised and amazing adventures, I am not depressed and neither should you be...I am planing my next solo adventure holiday and its going to be awsome. do I need a man for this? I think not.Have a bloody good day Star. :)

There are so many intelligent and beautiful women out there, but infortunetly, in our culture, it seems like, it's more of a threat to the men than an asset. For the Algerian men, an educated successful 'Algerian' lady could take his 'manhood' and barrie it deep deep in the ground.

@ DZ chick: I am so happy by my self! it's not even funny how happy I am :) I was depressed while being married, now, it's a new life! and believe me great exepriences are on my path, and don't include men at all.Please keep writing I love to read you :)Star.

@Star ,when you talk please do not generalise that all Algerians man are same , I hope , I find pretty intelligent girl who knows what does it mean get married and respect her husband and don't forget that we are Algerians so there is tradition and religion..

Pretty does not mean *I never ate makaroun in my life * and intelligence does not mean philosopher you know every thing ^^DZLOndon

@ DZLondon: in response to your question, I don’t know why I am still single, despite my obvious looks and intelligence :) maybe because I set the bar high and the men I met get threatened by it all, or maybe because I just haven’t my "man" yet

My mistake, I should have said "a great number" of some Algerian men! As I should know first hand, men in my family are great with their wives, girfriends, and parteners.I love our traditions, and I am an avid muslim, at least I hope, and do what I can to be a good muslim.I know many wonderful ladies, that were not so lucky to fall on these wonderful Algerian men, and I know girls that are very happily married. I do know that there is good and bad every where.And a lot of Algerian wives DO respect their husbands, but still don't get lucky with them.Come on, if you got lucky, have some compassion for the ones who didn't.

Great good luck with your hot date, let us know how did it go? sorry but luuuve tkaareedj my Algerian side is surfacing now lol

Hopefully your hot date won't invite you to visit the outside of Windsor Castle (as accessing it means paying lots of money for both of you) and he won't end up inviting to eat quiche at his tiny place and then drive you around his town center to show off to his "algerian mates" that he pulled a bird :-) hence this is what happened to me once when I met this algerian guy who pestered me for a date just to realise that he was not at all my cup of tea!

the apprentice? sure you are suitable. they're always on the lookout for bossy, power hungry single 30+ females. (je plaisante although ... ;-) )

X-factor? ah don't bother, i'm not about to start watching that crap. are you a good singer though? note that random karaoke nights and 'oh i used to sing when i was little and everyone in my family loved it' don't really count :p