This is a smaller part of something larger I'd like to write. Just wanted to get some initial thoughts out.

Give someone a gun and they might just surprise you...

My first few days playing Rust ran me through a gamut of emotions. I was frustrated, scared, disoriented, exhilarated, and often wondering when, if ever, I’d ever feel like I’d have a place in the harsh world I’d joined. I looked at homes built by others that seemed so far out of grasp and wondered when Mitch and I would have enough to make something half as nice. We could scarcely cover our bodies with clothes and keep ourselves fed.

Then we got our hands on our first firearms and everything changed. We laughed at the implications when one of us pointed out that we’d officially started referring to the place where we’d built our home as “our valley.” We knew it was silly nomenclature -- in some ways it made us feel bad, I think -- but it also felt right. We had a home. We had equipment. We had to defend it with our lives.

When we finally came across players our "power" hardly helped us. What I expected to be a grand confrontation lasted seconds, resulting in the devastating loss of everything we owned.

From there Rust rapidly became an obsession. An obsession not only because it’s actually a whole hell of a lot of fun to collect resources and build grand structures a la Minecraft, but because I wanted vengeance. I no longer wanted to tell people I was, “friendly” and hope they didn’t kill me out of pity. I wanted them to see me and run. To know that to fuck with me was to incur the wrath of someone they didn’t want to trifle with.

Fast forward a few weeks and I’d recruited several friends to play with me. We were on a new server that several other friends and friends of friends were playing on. We established a gigantic base. We built up vast armories. We started killing people without provocation. One night we went out with a party and forced new players to do things for us in order to live, sometimes killing them outright simply because it suited us. Some of them called us names, others begged us to let them join us. We simply laughed in their faces. Were we even having fun anymore? Honestly, I'm not sure. But it was one of the most unique experience I've ever had in a video game regardless.

Like the guards in the infamous Stanford prison experiment our behavior changed as a result of the environment we were placed in. Where we once held a place in our hearts for friendliness, a natural trust of anyone we came across, we now looked at everyone else who wasn’t, “one of us” as an other. Some of us even came up with names for them. Sometimes we called them “nudes” (because you don’t start with clothes), still other times we called them, “chicken eaters” (because some force fed these players raw chicken until they were poisoned to death).

I don’t think Mitch or I are bad people (some of the other people in the party I’m still not sure about), but I do know that we’re no longer the same players we were when we first logged in. Sometimes we’ll spare people not because we feel like being nice, but because we knew they’d build up bigger bases that we could steal from later.

The world of Rust has become a whole lot smaller. Where I once saw others as people to be feared I now see them as prey. I’m not sure if we’ll still be playing rust a month or two from now since there really is no other goal than to survive any way you can, but I find some sort of satisfaction in how our survival is no longer dependent on the kindness or pity of others. We are kings among vassals, ready to make the world before us however we see fit.

I've told my colleagues at IGN and a few friends, but now it's time to tell the people who've supported me throughout the years: I'm leaving IGN and my last day is the 29th. I'm not going to a competitor, I'm actually leaving the press side altogether for a position at Zombie Studios in Seattle. It was a really hard decision to make, and after debating it for awhile I decided to go for it. The timing felt right, the team is awesome, and I'm ready to help make something bigger than an article with my byline.

I may have cried a bit when I told my boss at IGN about it, too.

To say that a lot of people helped me get to where I am today is an understatement. I could spend thousands of words thanking people, so suffice it to say that everyone in IGN's, 1up's, Gamespy's editorial departments have meant a lot to me. Sure, there are a few special people among them (you know who you are), but I know that every one of them I'm leaving behind professionally will remain friends. My friends at old Ziff-Davis who took a chance on me, you'll always mean the world to me. My current friends at IGN -- leaving you will be the hardest part about my decision.

And of course there are the people that have bafflingly decided to care that I exist. It feels weird to call you fans. Every time I ever started to feel burnt out, or maybe lose perspective on why this job was great, I'd meet some of you and it'd always feel worthwhile again. I love (almost) all of you. I started off as a fan just like you, and I'm happy to go back to being one.

For those of you who care, The Comedy Button will continue on. We might have a rough patch as we adjust, but the plan is to have me Skype in each week so we can keep it going. I still plan on flying down semi-regularly for our random Knocking Boots episodes. As for Rebel FM, well, we're figuring out how we're going to handle that. It sounds like we're going to try and do it remotely too, though all this is up in the air while we try and sort out logistics. Arthur and I will provide updates as we move forward.

I thought about making this more long-winded, but that seems a little too self-congratulatory. I'm where I am partially by my own initiative, but I owe far too much to others.

I've decided not to score the PS3 version just yet. A massive amount of people purchased Black Ops 2 on day one, and, while these issues are immensely frustrating, I'd hate to lambast the PS3 version of the game today only to have these issues be fixed in a day or two. If the issues clear up then I'll be updating the current review with a few additions in the "What Platform Should I Play" section, if they don't then I'll have to consider writing an entirely new review that reflects the parts of the game that are currently broken.

So I'll be watching for status updates this weekend, communicating with people at Activision to find out what the heck's being done about this and playing more. If you see me online (my PSN ID is Chufmoney), let's try and play a game together.

STAR WARS: EPISODE VII – A NEW THREAT

The recent victory over the GALACTIC EMPIRE at ENDOR by the REBEL ALLIANCE has brought new opportunities to the galaxy. Jedi Knight LUKE SKYWALKER seeks information about the fallen Jedi Order, scouring the galaxy for answers on how to usher in a new generation of heroes. His sister, PRINCESS LEIA ORGANA, strives to help turn a group of desperate fighters into a fledging government, reorganizing the Rebels into the beginnings of a New Republic.

Meanwhile, the Imperial forces rally around a new leader. Returning from the Outer Rim, the galaxy’s most cunning commander has arrived in the form of GRAND ADMIRAL THRAWN. With a new fleet assembled around the Chimera, his flagship, he seeks the hidden vault of the late Emperor Palpatine, and the services of a FORCE user from a forgotten age…

Intro shot: SPACE. The calm hum of engines as an Imperial II-class Star Destroyer drifts across the screen, overlooking a lush jungle planet. TIE fighters can be seen in the distance, and the camera pulls in on the ship’s hangar as we see a Lamba Class Shuttle loading up a division of stormtroopers. Others are assembled, waiting orders from their new leader.

Panning across a hangar deck at eye level, the faces of the troops are rapt, a combination of awe and fear. The camera slowly pans to reveal the blue visage and red eyes of Grand Admiral Thrawn.

The reality of the job I do is that I get put in situations that I'm not always comfortable with. In an ideal world that doesn't exist, I would never have to let a publisher or developer pay for my food, my hotel or my travel.

We don't live in an ideal world.

The world we live in has some harsh financial realities, and as such it isn't uncommon for almost all members of the enthusiast press to accept travel and accomodations from the companies whose games they are going to cover. I've done it on several occassions during my tenure at both IGN and GameSpy.

You can immediately cry out that I'm bought and paid for, but let me be clear: we here at IGN are attempting to disclose that we have paid travel et. all so that we can dissuade your worries. It's not something we're trying to hide, and we're not afraid for you, our audience to know. The reality is that, as I said, almost all publications accept this. It's common practice -- we're just one of the only ones who are going out of their way to say it.

This isn't the same thing as cash for opinions. We don't promise them anything other than that we're going to see their game, and we're never beholden to any publisher or developer. IGN isn't afraid to tell anyone to fuck off for the right reasons, so I hope you guys can continue to trust us. If we were getting paid to write things, I certainly wouldn't be writing this from my desk that I've had since highschool, or in an office chair I got while dumpster diving.

In recent memory THQ is the publisher I've worked with. I've had travel and accomodations paid for to their NYC Event (where I took a little vacation after down to D.C.), and again to Champaign, Illinois to see Volition (where I again went on a small vacation to D.C. to see my girlfriend -- long distance relationships are tough!). In both cases my travel to the event and home (but no travel, accomodations, or food in between) were paid for by THQ. You can take this into account when I say over and over how cool Red Faction: Armageddon looks or how I don't think Homefront is awful, and I can't change how that affects your opinion. I'm just letting you know what happened, it's up to you to decide if my opinions are wholly my own.

Arthur Gies and Ryan Clements are the ones who've pushed the hardest to get the whole disclosure movement going at IGN, and you guys should definitely check out their blogs to see more posts that cover the topic. For now, I hope I've given you a little view into the world I live and work in. It's far from ideal, but it's nice to let some air come into what is often a stifled, uncomfortable space.