These were the words I thought I saw when I blindly pulled a book off the shelf and let it open to a random page. They were the first words my eyes gazed upon, an answer I needed during a flash of deep sadness. My attempt may sound cryptic but sometimes the Soul knows what it needs in order to lead us to the answers already within us. This was what led me to that darkly lit bookshelf in my attempt for a new perspective. ​But the actual words on the page, when revealed under better light, were “GIFT SPELL”. The title to a poem from Joyee Sidman in a book titled, What the Heart Knows. A book my husband had given me for my birthday many years ago. Ironic, how this very book and those two words, many years later would rest in my hands on my 50th birthday. Even more ironic, was the title of the book itself as I currently sift my way through the emotional difficulties of the COVID19 crisis.

The reason I tried this experiment with the book was because I was feeling lost and having difficulty putting my finger on my inner conflict. By sitting down with these words, I began to see my current frustration for what it is, and for what it may be for my fellow citizens.

Nine years ago I started a guided nature tours business. It was a passion of mine to do what I loved - to do in life what the heart knows (pretty interesting that of all the books I blindly pulled off that shelf it was the one with this title!) My work is where I am most socially comfortable, always engaging with others positively in collective spirit. Otherwise, I am quite an introvert. I gain deep meaning and value through the communal dialog of my work. It defines the very essence of my Being and allows me to do what I love and to express myself authentically. But most importantly, getting out everyday, meeting new people, making a difference in how they experience our region, it gives meaning to my life. I never really thought about that until I had a moment to be still with those 2 words.

It dawned on me then that in just a matter of weeks into the fluid COVID19 crisis my business, the things that define me, give me value & purpose not to mention my ability to contribute to my household and family - were stopped dead in their tracks. Shuttered into deep silence. And it was the same for millions of others on this planet. WE ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS CRISIS.

COVID19 wasn’t just attacking us physically. COVID19 was threatening the obsolescence of all that brings meaning into my life, that brings meaning into all of our lives.

“BE STILL”, the words I thought I saw, and “GIFT SPELL”, the words I actually saw in the dim light of that night were speaking the same language to me. They were an opportunity to look deeper beyond the title of this crisis and more closely into the pages of its meaning. Momentarily, COVID19 has stripped us of the very things by which we define ourselves, leaving us vulnerable and fearful.

In fact, at that moment with those two words my mind began to run an emotional check list of my feelings from these past few weeks; rudderless, reactionary, bored, trapped, concerned, useless, worthless, lonely, scared, and needy to name just a few things banging around my mind.

But, like the title of the book I held in my hands, there was something deeper within me that my heart already knew. That in this space in time of forced isolation there is a diamond in the rough nestled within ourselves. A diamond of an opportunity to accept ourselves, stripped of what we attach to our perceived inner worth, and to validate ourselves for ourselves. To reconnect to what we bring to this lifetime from the heart and soul. But clearly, this is not as easy as the words make it seem. Because to do this means we must DARE to try and accept ourselves and possibly fail at this task and if this were to happen while in our isolation, then how would we deal with that perceived failure without the support system to which we are accustomed?

I believe we are here to give meaning to lifeand our current confinement threatens the very concept of how we are supposed to do this. Most importantly, to have meaning in life is to have love - love for one another, for our community and most importantly, for ourselves. Those two words I thought I saw, BE STILL, were exactly the words I needed to hear. I needed to be still and reflect on how to receive, to open a new door to Self Acceptance.

I think of LOVE as oscillating energy and in order for us to receive and accept our inner worth, we have to be open to its flow. Others may validate us, the Universe may even show us how to try and go about it when we (like I had just done) randomly select words from a page of a book in a moment of deep sadness. But all of this, means nothing without our ability to open the door within ourselves to receive it, accept it and, most importantly, rise to the occasion and courage to love ourselves implicitly and share it with others.

Perhaps while Mother Earth begins to once again find herself. As her lungs clear and she begins to breathe deeply as she once did, we, too, can rise to the courage of this occasion and breathe love within ourselves, collectively. I leave you with the full poem that opened randomly to me that night so we can be reminded that the message we need comes to us at exactly the right time:

GIFT SPELL

Whatever is insidethat large, flat box:Let it not be made of wool - snowflake pattern - one arm slightly longer than the other, knitted in my formerlyfavorite shade of green. Let it not be square and thickwith stiff covers, full of wit and wisdom. Let it not be the hope of a new hobby. Let it not be anything to keep me neat, or clean, or safe.

Whatever it is, let it shrink downsmall and hard and cold. let it have metal teethand a whiff of speed. let it slip with a sweet jingleinto my battered jeansas I run for the garage.​That box:It looks like something elseBut let it be freedom.

This year, a series of intense planetary line-ups strongly suggests that 2020 will be a year of “make-or-break/sink-or-swim” turning points in our lives. If we do it right, there is great potential to achieve a place of harmony, balance and protected path this year.

With this said, there is one common factor among us that can block the path of our potential in 2020 if we are not vigilant in our efforts. It rules us through fear and compels us to revert to old, destructive patterning. It is a common mental dis-ease that when left unchecked, unobserved and unacknowledged can make an alien of us within our own families, our own lives and our own Self. I call it the Innovative Isolator or the Master Separator but it is most referred to as ...

SHAME.

No matter your achievements, your success or day to day perseverance, shame is an evil whisperer reminding you that you (and only you) don’t measure up.What’s worse is that when we try to talk of our shame, our feelings only deepen into its vicious cycle.That’s because shame is a pity party to keep us prone! It is literally nothing but an ego trip.

So what is Shame, exactly?

Shame is the core belief that something is fundamentally wrong with us, that we are somehow broken, or unfit; that we don’t belong. Most importantly, shame comes from within! No one can shame us but ourselves. No one! No matter how hard someone may try!

Shame is the ego's demand for the status quo and to achieve this the ego will dial up predictable patterns of our childhood scripting that trick us into feeling safe, secure and less vulnerable.In fact, shame is very similar to the fight or flight response which puts us in “survival mode”, and prepares us to escape from threats.

Like a gazelle escaping the lion, our response to shame through this scripting is so ingrained and instinctual there is very little or no thought behind it.This is why shame can be a silent killer of potential. Etched deep into our subconscious, our childhood scripting makes it nearly impossible to be aware of our reactions and, most importantly, how to change them. We are simply reacting to preserve our safety and protect the ego. Through fear, we are unable to see beyond the immediacy of survival and our "lion" of shame eventually wears us down and drowns us from our full potential and expression.

So how do we break free from shame?

Shame is a choice - not our voice. The fact is that shame is ever present. It’s how we manage it that matters.I write about shame to KNOW IT and to know it is to teach it through my work, my yoga and more.By journaling I develop a better understanding of what Lights me up or Burns me down. Understanding these differences helps us better prepare for triggers.Medical studies have shown that surgical patients who write down a day-to-day game plan of their recovery actually recover faster.The same can apply to our shame.Journaling our shame and noting the feelings we have at inflection points can help us roll play a better solution the next time we face triggers.Once we acknowledge and recognize the patterning we then begin to recognize our options. Most importantly, we recognize that shame is a choice - not our voice - and we can begin to establish more positive routines to replace those old, status-quo, negative patterns.

Birds of a Feather flock together Community is key. Remember, shame likes to isolate us. As a part time introvert who needs silence and solitude to recharge, it is important that I keep my isolation in check. A good partner, support group, yoga class, walking, birding or book club or even volunteering for services you are passionate for can help you stay on track and reflect your potential Self.

Become your Mantra!Make Mantra your drug of choice and LIBERATE YOUR SELF WORTH.I teach a mantra class because I believe in the power of chanting.Do you like singing your favorite, positive and happy song? That’s mantra! Mantras are like the password to the keypad of Self. When we become our Mantra we carve the key that unlocks the realms of our potential.Mantras smooth over old scripting and create new neural pathways to establish a more balanced mental framework with which to manage our daily world.When I feel my triggers to shame coming on - I silently chant a mantra and put into that mantra the emotions I am feeling.Mantra is a my drug of choice.Become your Mantra!

Take the Needle off the Record!Our Mind (including the ego) is like taming a wild Mustang. We have to somehow find a way to bridle it, to tame it and direct it. Otherwise, it will buck us off and trample us. How can we do this? Meditate! Take Yoga Class! Walk in Nature! Hug a Pug! Explore ways to take your mind off cyclic thinking by doing different things. Even small things can have great impact! Because doing so lifts the needle off the negative mind and its skipping pattern of fear.Feeling angry?Set a timer for 3 minutes and do long deep breathing or take a quick walk outside and then check back in with your feelings and repeat if necessary. One simple shift such as this can create a more positive position within our mental negotiations and ripple into better choices along our journey in life.

Set IntentionsWhen I teach yoga I remind students to set an intention for the work they are about to embark upon on their mats. Intentions support our actions. They plant the seed for change. Bring your intention to just one word and turn it into a mantra. I set the intention for Courage everyday and repeat to myself "I am Courage". Put that intention into the water you drink, the greetings you impart, the thank you notes you send and the smile you put on your face.

Lastly, ​I can’t say enough about how my passion for Nature and what the technology of yoga has done for me in my life. I would have sunken long ago had I not used these tools to dial into my true inner compass.I still grapple with shame every day - it is ever present and for some of us, we may need a broader network of professional support to help us through.

But today, yesterday, tomorrow and for as long as I can - I will write, chant, walk, meditate, acknowledge, learn, and make every effort to continue to know and grow and step onto the other side of FEAR and SHAME.

You know, life really does have your back. All we need to do is observe and make note. To remind ourselves that with the bad comes good in so many ways.

Recently, I had an appointment with an orthopedist that left me feeling ashamed and humiliated. I have an old injury to my lower back and was following the advice of a practitioner to see a specialist.

But the doctor, upon seeing that I was a relatively healthy, middle-aged woman, treated me like I just wanted attention and was wasting his time as he barely looked at the x-rays I had painstakingly remembered to bring with me (AS REQUESTED). He barely listened, barely cared, and his physical examination was patronizingly brief.

We live remotely and my round trip drive to see this specialist was 4 hours. In addition, the doctor's office made me wait 1 hour, fill out 23 pages of inquiries, sign several documents and then made me wait an additional 20 minutes in the examination room. Was I angry or impatient? Not at all. Actually, I was pleasantly calm as I awaited a good discussion with this specialist.

But in the course of the barely 2 minutes this specialist gave me, he managed to stick a knife into old mental wounds many of us women have when it comes to healthcare; that our needs don't matter, our lives don't matter and nothing we have to say, especially about our bodies, is valid. I was enraged and yet, I did nothing, said nothing. I even ponied up to the patronizing tests this doctor had me do to prove I was a wasting his time. All this, while his intern observed proudly.

What I wanted to say to this man was so vile I can't repeat it on this post. But I wanted his intern to know one thing - not to act like the jerk he was listening to. To remind him that every patient has a need and that empathy and compassion matter. Did I say that? No. No, I just hurriedly grabbed my things and scurried out of the room as the doctor looked on with impatience.

The rest of my day was laced with those 2 minutes. Laced with anger for not having done something, said something, stood up for myself. The cloud of shame from that appointment only thickened the more I thought on the compliance of my inaction. Sound familiar? No kidding!

The next day, I woke to a schedule of tours. A typical tour day for me involves anywhere from 3 to 6 and sometimes 8 hours of walking (or yoga), meeting and greeting guests, and sharing every aspect of conversation from my heart authentically. It's the only way I can communicate. When I get home, all I can do at times is take a bath and vegetate to recharge my mental and physical batteries.

Yesterday, I met 4 couples that had joined together from my morning walkabout tour at Timber Cove Resort. We had such a nice time, they booked an additional tour with me. We spent almost the whole day, together. Never having met one another before - we acted like old friends. I never mix groups but this tour was the exception.

On this day, I made 8 new friends and those friends also made new friends and I was reminded that I do matter.

I was reminded that I do have value. I was reminded that my guests have value. I was reminded that we all contribute to one another. I was reminded that the Universe has my back. I was reminded that I have purpose in Life.

I came home and later, as I reflected on my day, I wrote down a thank you note. Thanking the Universe for reminding me that it actually has my back. That with the bad days, comes - always - the good.

PISCES NEW MOON - march 6th 2019

Have you ever been swimming in the ocean only to realize (quite frantically) that you are caught in the powerful current of a rip-tide that is sweeping you quickly further and further away from the safety of the shore? If so, then you also know that to escape the dangerous pull of a rip-tide one must first abandon their reactionary instinct to swim against its current towards safety. In fact, the key to staying alive is to calmly allow oneself to flow with the current to escape its pull and then swim back to shore. It is completely counter intuitive and takes great mental stamina to calmly "go with the flow".

So the question with respect to this new moon is this: Can you "turn your back" on the need to be in control and to accept that “my way” may not be the best way? Wednesday's New Moon in Pisces is all about being aligned with the flow and that’s not necessarily a bad thing nor is it an easy thing.

TIPS FOR THE NEW MOON WEEK AHEAD

Stay hydrated

Eat lightly on the day of the New Moon (it's a good day to do a juice fast)

Swim and float on water

Listen to peaceful-flowing music

Surround yourself with positive people

Journal to stay aware and to be tuned-in

Resist getting lost in fantasy

Be creative in a constructive way. Painting does this for me. I am engaged deeply without getting lost in a dangerous way.

NEW MOONS represent the 1st day of the 28 day lunar cycle and are normally a grandtime to sow the seeds of intention, to begin new projects, to be hands on and to get "doing".This Pisces New Moon on March 6th, however, will bring with it a powerful ocean of energy (a potential miracle zone) and the opportunity to align our inner being and outer actions with the flow of Life and Love.The twist?To align with this flow of New Moon energy we need to step away from “doing”, to release any resistance and our need to control. Here's why:

The energy of Pisces typically uses consciousness (not thinking) to keep us tuned into the flow. But going with this kind of “flow” requires strong will and effort. Fortunately, the tools of Kundalini Yoga can keep us from entering a mental cul-de-sac of resistance, negativity & fear of these efforts.THIS WEEK is a good time to tap into the inspirations of our meditations, the insights of our dreams and to active intuition (not passive day dreaming) because the reality of this new moon and it’s other cosmic line-ups (such as Mercury going retrograde which can cloud truth and lead to assumptions) is that good intensions will not be good enough and can get you into as much trouble as over optimistic calculations.

Therefore, it’s important with this New Moon to stay attuned to our day-to-day living, and not to get lost or try to escape into fantasies.Journaling, activating the Neutral Mind, Meditating and a vigorous Kundalini Yoga set will help us do just this. Join us on this New Moon for Unbeaten Yoga Wednesday! (see below)

A great way to understand this New Moon is to think of ourself as ship on a vast, turbulent ocean that must stay afloat and not be scuttled by the waves of Life and shifting energies. To do this we need the know-how to remain “ship-shape” and to listen to the navigator within ourselves. Kundalini Yoga, meditation and the tools we mentioned can give us clarity and assist us in making the necessary adjustments to stay the course through the strong undercurrents we encounter in life.

Our mind may be the metaphoric Captain of this "ship" but it’s the Captain’s partnership with the Navigator (our Soul Self) that will right the course and get us to our Destiny and the white sandy beaches of Self.But without this inner GPS (AKA - our Sat Nam = our true Self and essence of knowing what we have to give in this life time), our ship will be pulled into the abyss of emotion, fear, and reactionary behavior that leaves us weak, in the doldrums and eventually diseased.

There may be things in life we don’t fully understand and we may not be able to control where were are going at the moment.So the key to this NEW MOON is to use the powerful currents of its energy to our Path’s advantage.We need to remind ourself not to fight the powerful undercurrents but to know how to align with reality - to flow with them. To live in this flow, however, our mind must be in its neutral channel - we must have clarity, calm and confidence OR at least have access to the channel in our mind that is open, accepting, vast, and at peace. Greater Self Awareness can help us do just this and to accept, most importantly, that the flow of the current is the path, it IS the way to the safety of Self. ​Join us for Unbeaten Yoga Wednesday at Gualala Dance Studio 6:30 - 7:30 PM, March 6th for the NEW MOON Class AND join us for Unbeaten Yoga Saturdays at Timber Cove Resort 9:00AM - 10:00AM. Gain the tools that can help you navigate the flow and path of Life. Learn how to tap into your neutral channels of the mind, to climb the ladder of self and to rise above the clouds and see the broader spectrum of your Destiny.

Thank you to Guru Rattana for her great insights and wonderful, miracle blogs that inspire.

Our past emotional traumas in life are akin to a deep and massive oceanic underworld where our darkest moments are preserved under intense pressurization sometimes never to be discovered but somehow surviving without light or other forms of life. It isn’t until we become our own mental explorers and squeeze ourselves into a claustrophobic subconscious submarine of sorts that we begin revealing the undiscovered creatures of our dark underworld, exposing our mental underbelly for investigation. It’s frightening, overwhelming, treacherous, physically painful and yet absolutely exhilarating when we make it back to the surface and are able to fill our lungs with the breath of renewed life. - excerpt from Pencil Safety, Memoirs of an Engineer’s Daughter by Margaret Lindgren

That above excerpt is from a book I began writing a couple years ago after my father passed. Both my parents are gone now, my mother having passed when I was 18. The chapter this excerpt came from is called Shift Change and reflects on a moment in my childhood when I realized more concretely that my parents were just humans, struggling with their own issues and difficulties, and could NOT be the super heroes I had put them on the pedestal to be. This particular memory was a bit more serious than this simple explanation but the point is the same - it was a moment that changed me. I remember going a bit dark then, like a shadow had come over me, my trust faded and thinned and I began in many ways to take matters into my own hands as a kid. It shaped me and played a big role in who I was to become as the adult Margaret. But what I experienced is nothing unique or different it’s just a recording of a moment in my life that at times plays itself over and over again, bubbling up old bad habits and conditioned responses.

Have you ever heard the story about how a lobster grows? As a lobster grows - its shell does not and eventually the shell becomes too tight. Can you imagine? That would be like wearing shoes that are two sizes too small for your feet and then having to run a marathon in them! Except, in this case, your feet in this metaphor would be your whole body! It’s painful and uncomfortable to the point which the lobster must seek refuge into a sea floor rock outcropping where it can safely shed it’s shell and grow another to accommodate it’s expansion. This process repeats itself over and over - discomfort, pain, refuge, shedding, growing anew - discomfort, pain, refuge, shedding, growing anew.

This lobster would probably never put itself through this painful and arduous process if there wasn’t the stimulus of discomfort involved. In fact, its the adversity of the lobsters’ pain that is the very stimulus that helps it grow.

And here’s the kicker ... Lobsters don’t have a doctor so when the pain gets bad they have no choice but to deal with it. They don’t have a pill they can take or a glass of wine they can drink, a pizza they can eat, someone to yell at, or ice cream to ease the pain. So theirs is an important lesson: That we can use our own adversity to stimulate positive change to free us from the burden of our inner chains. If we live life aimlessly and just plow through it to get through it then we don't live and we are not happy - and if we don't know any better then how is better ever to come?

So what does this all have to do with this NEW MOON IN SCORPIO coming this Wednesday, the 7th???? Oh, yeah, discomfort! This New Moon will be one of deep emotion that is bound to stir our inner discomfort. It is a time to be careful of those things that can trigger our same old negative patterns that drives us to focus on things outside of ourselves, to externalize our wounds, rather than focusing within to resolve our inner conflict.

In an earlier blog I mentioned the topic of hidden agendas and how, like it or not, we all have them. So what are they, exactly? Remember that moment I explained about my parents? They are the things that shaped us in our early, formative years of life. Experiences stored in our subconscious mind and played over and over again. And those experiences stay in the subconscious realm as we get older and create reactions in us to ensure our needs are being met. Ultimately what this does is undermine our ability to appreciate life, to be happy and fulfilled. Without greater self awareness of this aspect of our subconscious we sing the same song to that recorded tune over and over throughout life.

That's not to say hidden agendas are a bad thing. It is only natural that we do what we can to have our needs met, to survive and to be loved but it is striving blindly through this process that creates habits and karma. Some examples??? The need to control or be controlled, to be the center of attention, of wearing a mask to convince others we are something other than what we really are - but because we fear that we are nothing without that mask we continue the charade anyway. Or maybe its binging on foods or other substances for comfort. No matter what it is, the problem with these conditioned “solutions” is that, ultimately, they are not sustainable and not a path to true fulfillment. Yogi Bhajan called this the Reactive Personality or Hidden self.

This is exactly the time for Kundalini Yoga because it gives us the opportunity to play out a lot of our “stuff” internally which helps us to heal our wounds and gives us greater clarity and self awareness to make better choices for our happiness & love in life. And we can do this (through Kundalini Yoga) without the consequences of Karma.

Practicing Kundalini Yoga is the tool kit for greater Self Awareness & Acceptance/Acknowledgement of “self” (lower case self, that is, the finite version of ourselves) where we can accept our choices in life and know they all serve a purpose. That our adversity, like the lobster's, serves a purpose! Kundalini can actually help us forgive ourselves and shed our shells. ​The title of this blog is Culling Gifts from the Garbage. That GIFT is our Sat Nam - our true Self (infinite Self). And to flow connected we have to struggle against something in order to grow. That’s why in class I work to inspire others to take their efforts to the next level. To aspire to go higher because there is always opposition in stretching and moving the body. Like an electric current, we cannot flow without opposition. LIFE IS A STRETCH that is ever deepening. Our gift, our SAT NAM, is the pearl from that discomfort - it is the beauty of Self.

Like the lobster, a pearl begins its life from irritation, a piece of grit that has made its way inside the oyster. Over the course of many years, that irritation transforms into a seamless, radiant pearl. In fact, the more imperfect oyster shells are, the more ideal the environment for pearls to form.

So, feel it, be it, release it. Use the tools given to us by the grand masters to manage the conditions of our mental environment. When you see that Hidden self come out - and you fall back into that negative pattern be firm about the following:

Acknowledge for yourself that there is nothing to heal - it's understanding that matters.

Use POSITIVE AGENDAS as a way of replacing the karma of negative agendas. Say to yourself “I will be noble, I will be compassionate, I will be grateful”.

Resist analyzing yourself. Choose VICTORIOUS over VICTIMHOOD

Hit those old habits with a Mantra. I am a huge fan of Mantras and often let my emotion flow through the message of the words. Let the tears fall calmly with the breath as you lift that needle off the record of your finite self and tune into your Sat Nam. I love singing mantras. They have helped me tremendously and always do. They shift me.

Breathing is also the dear friend of Self. A great simple breath to get through those tough times = Inhale in 4 segments and exhale in 1. I also like to inhale 4 segments (filling the lungs completely) and exhale in 8 segments (emptying the lungs completely). This helps to release the tension from my lungs and diaphragm. Another is to breathe through the mouth (through puckered lips) and exhale out the nose to calm a situation down. Sitali Breath is great for this. Inhale through a open mouth and curled tongue, exhale from the nose.

This NEW MOON is an excellent time to venture & dive DEEP into the underworld of ourselves, to learn to love the creatures of our deep that play such a crucial role in the flow of all that makes us whole and to accept ourselves for ourselves. PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE. It is understanding ourselves that is important to our growth and for the compassion of self.

It might seem frightening, overwhelming, treacherous and physically painful at times but to rise to the occasion with the pearl in the hand of Self is absolutely exhilarating!

The Fall Equinox represents a time for us to FALL INWARD to awaken within us our Inner Light and connect with our NAAM (our true selves). It is the season of shedding and letting go of that which we no longer have the energy to give.

Nature leads us through this time by example as we watch the last of the coastal fledglings hunt on their own and the adult birds leave their nesting grounds for the year. My coastal walks become quieter as though nature has gone back to school and I find myself reminiscing about the summer days of watching the young hatchlings in their groupings - preening, loafing and developing their skills but alas time moves on, the days grow shorter and the Redwoods thin their leaves as the forest floor thickens and plumps itself with duff to store the winter rains. It’s a palatable energy shift, a re-centering.

The Harvest Moon, the first full moon after the Equinox, marks this transition and this year it finds itself in the sign of fiery and impatient Aries! Aries takes us back to the beginning, to those days of our earliest needs, to our innocence, and to our impulse to cry out when something is the matter. So with this full moon we may find ourselves being reminded of old wounds that need healing and urge us to be honest about our pain, problems and needs. We find ourselves driven in this state to get what we perceive as missing and to seek a salve for wounds that have not yet been healed, or even recognized.

I call this state of mind the Common Cold of the Emotions and as humans we are all bound to get this bug at some point - it’s inevitable at this time of year! Symptoms include all or some of the following: mild depression, a sense of unease, frustration, anxiety, anger, impatience, fatigue, negativity and an all around feeling of loneliness tinged with being misunderstood.

Fortunately, though, the adventurous, rowdy, “me first” Aries in this Full Moon is soothed with the compassionate neutral caring of Libra (the scales, balance). Libra helps us define HOW we want to BE in relationships, including the relationship with ourselves. And, you know, Aries ain’t all that bad - I should know because I am one! and if we can use the “me first” Aries archetype in a positive way it can direct us back to ourselves consciously and utilize the head-strong Ram’s fiery spirit to encourage us to be self-reliant and to seek answers and solace in self-knowing, self-confidence, and self-nurturing. Using this positive aspect of Aries in conjunction with Libra’s desire for compromise and win-win outcomes - we can find the answers to our needs!

One way we can do this is through Kundalini Yoga and Mantra. These tools help us to get back to SELF (Naam) and support getting our needs met through self-confirming attitudes. Breath techniques and mantra are a way of sending a positive coded message to the Brain hemispheres - taking the mind off negative patterning and putting us on the track of self love, positivity and fulfillment.

It’s easy to complain, to rehash those old wounds, feel unloved or that life is unfair - because the truth is that it can be at times. But to every decision please know there is an opposite. A friend of mine from whom and with whom I studied Kundalini (kundaliniwithsheel.com) recently wrote about the karma of complaining and I loved what she had to say:

“We think these reactions are not that bad since we are not punching anyone. Sometimes we even sweep these actions under the rug by calling them “being human.”That might have been okay in past lives, but here is a secret of Kundalini: yogis figured out that complaining creates dullness in your aura, a constant stream of low-grade karma that corrodes your connection to Spirit and other Souls over time, and diminishes the container of your life to effortlessly receive blessings and what you need to complete your mission and elevate to the Realm of Dharma. That is why there is yearning, devotion and even urgency for yogis to keep pulling the mental fluctuations back to the Naam.”

I love this! It couldn’t be said any better! And what is important to know is that this is true from any level you are willing to ponder it. You don’t have to be a yogi, an advanced yoga student or even take yoga, really. You just need to try and be vigilantly conscious, to catch yourself before going down the dark path of negativity! and mantras and breath work can help you do just this. We have used several mantra’s in class (Ong So Hung, Har Haree and others) but if you don’t understand or know a mantra in the language - use an English one, like “I am bountiful, blissful and beautiful” or “I am, I am” (thanks Sheel)

Upon completing my training my teacher gave me a spiritual name based on my birth date and what he saw in me. The name he gave me is Amrit Shakti. Amrit is the sweet, purifying nectar of the Gods which, when taken, purifies us and allows us to live from the Path of the Heart. Shakti is the ultimate feminine - I like to think of it as "potential manifested". I use the meaning of Amrit Shakti as a way to close class... to remind ourselves to live from The Path of the Heart and to ALWAYS see ourselves as potential manifested.

This past week and even just this morning... I have been struggling with a recent feeling of rejection. Something that happened recently seemed to dredge up for me the painful feelings of being unworthy and undervalued, unwated. My typical response in situations like this is to be mean, to put up the shield, to be angry and stew. It seems silly when you are outside of these emotions but the darkness of their cloud is a whole different beast! Each day I would go to the mat and practice and each day I would fall off track with the mind, falling back into bitterness and anger. But the true discipline is getting back up and to remind myself ... I am Amrit Shakti - I am the Path of the Heart, I am Potential Manifested.

Robert Frost’s Poem The Road Not Taken (see below) is not about the woes and regrets of making one decision over the other - it's about how we navigate our choices in Life that can make all the difference.

Friday’s Aquarius Full Moon Lunar Eclipse will be the longest (4 hours) this century giving us plenty of time to adjust our focus from the Sun’s glare to see what’s really been going on. This is a real eye opener of a Lunar Eclipse with Mercury and Mars retrograde where Mars will also (and very rarely) be eclipsed with the moon.

In a way, cosmically, the message of this eclipse is equivalent to being called down to the Principal’s office over the School-of-Life’s PA system ... WHAT DID YOU DO THIS TIME?

In all seriousness, it’s not about punishing ourselves for our past choices and behavior - but rather learning from our actions in order to express our energy in a more positive, productive way. Our physical body reminds us of our impermanence in this world. Understanding this and acknowledging it through our choices can help us live more soul fulfilling lives that enrich us and help us make the most beneficial decisions along the way.

So with this moon we are presented the proverbial “fork in the road”. Which one will you take to transform yourself and successfully ride the waves created from your past decisions into the future?

Rather than making choices out of the immediacy of need and fear we can seize the opportunity to see our shadow selves and transmute our "dark side" positively. Below are some questions (from GURU RATTANA’s blog) that can help us navigate the path to higher Self - to take the mystery out of the things we do and to set the foundation of courage to live fully from our heart and soul. So get out a pad of paper and a really good pen to scribe your words with integrity and answer for yourself the following questions: Side Note before you start - Contemplating these questions through the fiery, masculine energy of Mars with this Lunar event can make for a very BUMPY RIDE emotionally, stirring frustration and anger relating to where we’ve misused our energy or not been as productive, appreciated or understood as we wished. However, WE CAN channel this emotional energy positively for ourselves and give our Soul the “get out of Jail” pass it needs to continue its journey. Doing so can immediately transform our mood! GO FOR IT!

What is it that you really want to do with your energy and your life?

Be clear about what you no longer want and what your are tired of wasting in life.

Define and determine what it is you wish to impart in this world - to the collective - what is your gift!?

If you honor and speak up from your self-confirmed unique essence - what would you say?

What is it that only you can do? ​​

This year (2018) is all about enlightenment in this Aquarian Age of Truth & Knowing. The number of the year 2018 corresponds to 11 (2+1+8 =11) in Kundalini Tantric Numerology. This Aquarian Full Moon Lunar Eclipse is all about helping you navigate your Dharma in this lifetime.

The Dharma of number 11 is to exist in and through the grace of the non-existence. It is the highest expression of instinctive and innate spiritual wisdom.The Karma of number 11 is to be the duality. To be ever critical. To exist through denial of existence. It is the extreme expression of spiritual naivety.

As we navigate our choices in life - no matter our path and the difficulties we may face - when we listen to our existence we are never alone!

Sat Nam​Margaret

THE ROAD NOT TAKENby Robert Frost. ​Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,And sorry I could not travel bothAnd be one traveler, long I stoodAnd looked down one as far as I couldTo where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,And having perhaps the better claim,Because it was grassy and wanted wear;Though as for that the passing thereHad worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally layIn leaves no step had trodden black.Oh, I kept the first for another day!Yet knowing how way leads on to way,I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sighSomewhere ages and ages hence:Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--I took the one less traveled by,And that has made all the difference.

As a note to our readers: Much of our astrology information comes from one of our favorite blogs posts from Guru Rattana here - Be sure to connect and read her work. ​Tomorrow, Wednesday, June 27th, 2018, is the FULL MOON in Capricorn. If there ever was a time to act like YOU OWN THE BANK rather than needing a loan from it - it is NOW!

Every Wednesday in our local town I teach yoga at Gualala Dance Studio and with each class we set an intention. This Wednesday's goal is to OWN IT LIKE A BILLIONAIRE! We will be doing a set to balance the glandular system followed by a beautiful mantra meditation to open the flow of Kundalini, creating greater self awareness & authority so we can make the right choices to conquer the blemishes in life.

The influence of Saturn Retrograde makes this an emotionally weighty Full Moon and Capricorn brings into form the results of what has been churning within us on an unconscious level. But Capricorn also gives us the opportunity to grab the mountain goat by the horns and take action to release our past in order to create our future. How we handle the emotions that bubble to the surface during this full moon is strictly UP TO US! So it's time to OWN IT LIKE A BILLIONAIRE, to move away from the blame-game and to start DEFINING in life rather than whining. This is the time to not only look deeply at the Cause & Effects in your life but to CHOOSE to respond differently, to move away from unproductive patterns that leave us feeling shameful and to make the choices that place us on a more positive & beneficial path. We can begin this process by identifying for ourselves where we need to set boundaries and take time for ourselves. Identify what drains you and write down what you are doing about it - as though it is happening in the here & now. Highlight the areas in your life that make you feel happy and timeless --- nurture these areas and remove or minimize the Debbie-Downer zones that serve only to bring you down. Lastly, speak to yourself as you would your own child or someone you deeply love. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion and treat your breath like thoughts - breathe in only good ones! So, Grab the Goat by the horns and OWN IT .... LIKE A BILLIONAIRE!

SAGITTARIUS full moon ​may 29th 2018

If you like our posts please see our blog of inspiration by Guru Rattan here

​I don’t know about you but I have been feeling a bit restless of late - a feeling of being on the verge of a shift, of drawing the line in the sand that will ultimately pinpoint and set purpose behind my actions. It’s a feeling of my inner Sat Nam (or true self) telling me to pony up and “walk it like I talk it!” Usually, this is a feeling I love, that prickly nudge of intuition that lights a fire under my britches, but this recent bought of restlessness feels a bit off course and undefinable ... uneasy.

And it is this uneasiness that is befitting of today’s fiery Sagittarius full moon. If there is ever a time we must work to direct our inner truth it is now. Perhaps this is the time to begin a 40 day sadhana - a daily practice to shift our habits and to help us make the conscious decision and projection of what we want our lives to be! ​

While Sagittarius can represent the neutral mind and our ability to see the bigger picture and grander plan, the fiery elements of Aries and Leo in this full moon represent the adventurer and innovator in us, the fearlessness to go and grow. To use this fiery energy effectively, though, we must direct our action from the heart and our inner truth in order to shed the distractions, negativity and bad habits that cause us to veer off course. In other words we need to act constructively and access our truth to gain a higher perspective and understanding of our goals and mission.

This is the time to take an internal inventory of WHERE and HOW we wish to direct the arrow of our Intentions for our next stage of growth. With this said, it’s one thing to be devoted to our goal but quite another to take that devotion to a higher level by experiencing it through the action of our truth! i.e., there is a difference between going through the motions and what are we are doing specificallyto make those motions count for something.

For example, if your Intention is to bring your business to the next level, how are you operating on a daily basis that works in line with this Intention? OR if you are just beginning this process with your business - then what does achieving this goal look like to you? What are the ingredients that make up your success?

And you can put the same questions to your daily yogic practice. If you meditate daily to release fear what is your purpose in doing so? Is it to help you step outside your comfort zone to raise the bar of your personal success? If so, what does it look like? And if you are just now intending this then what does it feel or look like for you to release fear? List the attributes of this Intention in a journal. Sketch it out.

A great way to direct the trajectory of your Arrow or Intention is to Self-Initiate. This is to define and declare not only your Intention but the specific actions that back your Intention. A great way to do this is to act as though your personal goal or Intention is a Travel Destination. Visualize what that place looks like and how to get there. What do your directions to this Destination (Intention) look like?? And what are the things that sets your “Destination” apart, what makes it recognizable?

It is all well and good, for example, to say you are going to San Francisco but it will be very hard to get there (if at all) if you don’t know a.) how to get there, b.) where it even is or c.) what some of the identifiable landmarks look like at your Destination (e.g., the Golden Gate Bridge) so you know you have arrived at the intended place? This is no different with a personal or professional Goal. What does your success look like and how do you get there? I AM A HUGE FAN OF MIND MAPS and use them to break down my goals ALL THE TIME. Mind maps can help us see the itinerary of our goals, our inner truth and actions. ​

Combining Self-Initiating (identifying the actions of our Intentions) with the daily use & Technology of Kundalini Yoga is to claim your Intention as your own and to custom design the outcomes you want all while bypassing those pesky road blocks along the way! Doing this doesn't remove our intuitive drive - rather it cleans the glass of our inner compass so we can see the multitude of possibilities before us.

It’s interesting how clues reveal themselves in order for us to see more clearly. That is, if we dare to look closely enough to notice them.

I recently meditated to delve deeper into a nagging sense of disappointment I struggled to shake and upon opening my eyes at the end I found myself staring deeply into a painting on my wall. I have various paintings in my house, works from friends or local artists, but most are personal paintings from a “time-piercing” layer in my life as a younger woman. The painting I found myself staring into was of woman standing naked and exposed, arms covering her chest. With the exception of red lips and the pale tip of her nose, her face is obscured by a wild tangled shroud of indigo blue hair as bursts of fire orange color spray from behind the entanglement likes rays of light strangled by a black hole. This painting always hangs near the deep inner chambers of my hive (my home). It’s personal to me because it is me. A self portrait I painted almost 20 years ago at age of 30. A woman struggling with her image and inner acceptance, her mind deep with intuition, her soul fire trapped and begging to emerge.

Another painting bears a signature on the bottom right - that is, it bears the word Signature, cut sloppily from a magazine like a ransom note begging you to investigate the perpetrator. Yet another of mine that hangs more prominently is of a beautiful horse, painted half black and white, a photo negative of itself, turned on its back with a hint of crimson red that oozes from its heart center when the lighting hits it just right (see photo shown above). ​

These paintings I don’t hold onto. They are not the past for me but rather they represent the duality of Inner Acceptance and the Betrayal of Compassion I commit within myself and to those around me time and time again. The more I come to understand myself in these paintings the more I grow, accept and admire what makes me “Me". These depictions in my paintings speak to the vastness of living a full life, of practicing compassion and identifying the confrontations within to better manage that which surrounds us. What amazes me is the accuracy my inner truth was showing me through the movements of my brush so many years ago.

And these paintings showed me recently that my personal pattern of disappointment is just that - a PATTERN. A pattern that shadows what I am (dynamic, powerful, feminine, savvy, and courageous) and highlights what I believe I am not (not good enough, not worthy enough, not valuable enough and more)

Disappointment, expectation and feelings of betrayal can create a constant mental visual "flash-card" in place of our view of reality. It is no different than the “virtual reality” toy of the 1970‘s (and earlier years) known as the View-Master. The View-Master was a hand held device that you looked through to view corresponding View-Master "reels", which were thin cardboard disks containing seven 3D pairs of color-slide images that each eye viewed separately creating the effect as though viewing real life through binoculars. As a child I recall how awesome yet weird those images seemed to me. They were real but not real, miniaturized, stunted, trapped and overly saturated.

This is exactly how I conceptualized my recent disappointment which I initially experienced on a professional level after a serious let-down by a women’s group I personally held in high esteem. This disappointment somehow seeped its way into my personal world and took hold - tapping into my roots of femininity. In business you move on if something doesn’t align with your Vision & Values but on a personal level our conditioning, those things that shaped us in our early years and which occurred before our professional lives, leaves us staring blindly into a mental View-Master, confused and let down.

To help shed light and wash away the false colors of my disappointment I decided to do a meditation I recently taught during a Corporate Workshop I hosted on Setting Intentions. I call the meditation “Emptying the Mental Garbage” and it helps to break down negative thought patterns, clearing our mental clutter to reveal (from a place of clarity) the true mosaic of what’s behind our false mental slides. The efficiency of this meditation always astounds me! In just 11 minutes the breath technique used in this meditation calms the Mind enough to help us to acknowledge (and clearly see) what no longer serves our growth and personal vision.

Just to give you an idea of how layered my disappointment was, I have provided a chronological breakdown of how my thoughts shifted in the course of 11 minutes. My thoughts went from:

Being angry that I was disappointed to

Feeling angry that I always feel let down to

Feeling isolated in this feeling - that I am on my own - to

Feeling that no one has my back to

Feeling unworthy of support to

Being disliked to

Having a profound sense of loneliness that I felt in my lungs to

Having the ultimate need to expel this sensation of deep sadness and finally

Knowing I was carrying a constant sadness of expectation that created in me a strong inner believe of rejection.

YIKES! The fact is, I know I am not alone in having these feelings. This “profound sadness” I was experiencing wasn’t from this one example of disappointment that was nagging me but rather it was a recurring pattern of expectingdisappointment from others. LET’S READ THAT AGAIN! what I was expecting from others - was disappointment. I was pre-ordaining it by constantly expecting it - and my own sense of rejection!

So here’s a good answer to solve the problem --- Don’t expect anything! Problem Solved! Right?

Exactly!!! and this takes practice and understanding. The description of the thoughts I experienced above might sound awful and sad - but getting closer to the truth can be such a relief. Most importantly it turns the focus COMPASSIONATELY WITHIN for deeper introspection - rather than putting it on something outside of ourselves we can’t control anyway!

The fact that I opened my eyes from this meditation to view my self portrait with compassion and understanding of my inner beauty, when for so many years it represented inner conflict, struggle and rejection was to finally witness my disappointment for what it was, A LACK OF COMPASSION FOR MYSELF, rather than what I wanted it to be ----> a failed expectation of someone else.

There are so many things we can be disappointed in and when you feel this way ask yourself what is really nagging you!? Meditate, follow the breath and see where it takes you. Join us in Kundalini class on Unbeaten Yoga Wednesdays to learn the tools and exercises you can use to clear the blocks and open your mind and heart. Working our Heart and Solar Plexus Chakras can help clear feelings of rejection, disappointment and self worth issues. The bottom line is this: When we better ourselves - we better those in our life. We lift them and they lift us and we interconnect as all things do in Nature, ultimately giving us Peace.

And it's important to remember - the higher we put people on a pedestal the greater the fall and feeling of vengeance and disappointment.

Yogi Bhajan once said, “To have no enemies is to have no friends at all” and the same goes with disappointment and betrayal. These things are a fact of life and to live a full life is to have Compassion and to have Compassion is to be HUMAN. And to be human is to manage our disappointments by working to see some version of ourselves in those we accuse of letting us down. It is something that tests me all the time and, I confess, I struggle with it often but I would rather work toward living a full life of compassion than a partial life of confrontation. Ultimately, though, each step helps me draw the line and to recognize what is skewed, what no longer serves and to make a decision for the compassion of myself in order to grow. There are challenges everywhere and there is adversity everyday - but the bottom line is this:

YOU ARE YOU no matter what. YOU HAVE GRACE no matter what. YOU HAVE IDENTITY no matter what.