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TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS -- MOVIES
There's never a PA around when you need one.
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May 30, 2003
The Top 9 Movies Described as a Police Report
9. Suspects abused the body of the deceased for several days;
witnesses claim to have seen nothing despite direct contact
with the corpse.
(Weekend at Bernie's)
8. Stolen bicycle reported. Owner pursued the thief on his own
without police help; bicycle eventually recovered.
(Pee Wee's Big Adventure)
7. Five teenagers vandalized their school during detention last
Saturday when left unattended by the principal. As minors,
the teens' names were not released; however, they are
described as a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess,
and a criminal.
(The Breakfast Club)
6. A wanted family of nine is suspected of fleeing the area and
crossing the border into Switzerland. The family is described
as a father in uniform, a mother or possibly a nun, and seven
children dressed in clothes resembling old curtains. Suspects
known to break into song at any moment.
(The Sound of Music)
5. An individual came to the station to report he and two others
lost a fourth individual to drowning during a boating trip.
Authorities should be on the look out for hill dwellers,
according to the pretty-mouthed individual.
(Deliverance)
4. Marine Animal Control Unit requests a larger vessel after
their initial attempts to subdue a local pest off the shores
of Amity Island were unsuccessful.
(Jaws)
3. Be on the lookout for a man driving a yellow Cadillac who is
wanted in the kidnapping of his autistic brother. The car
was last spotted travelling toward Las Vegas with stops at
local area K-Marts to buy underwear.
(Rain Man)
2. A teenage girl killed an elderly woman in Kansas, then
apparently teamed up with three strangers to kill another.
Suspect claims she was "over the rainbow" at the time.
(The Wizard of Oz)
and the Number 1 Movie Described as a Police Report...
1. An underage youth, driving a sports car powered by plutonium
obtained illegally from Libyans, was seen speeding in the
parking lot of the Twin Pines mall. He was later nearly caught
doing 88 in a 35.
(Back to the Future)
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
[ www.topfive.com ]
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