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On Monday’s Full Frontal, Samantha Bee fired on all cylinders, expressing harsh criticism of the Republican Congress and the pandering Democrats. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia died over the weekend, and despite the fact that appointing a new justice is one of the only things the president does—”Appointing justices, bombing the shit out of the middle east, and turkey pardoning. That’s it!”—Mitch McConnell and his Republican Congress have already refused to accept Obama’s choice. “Yes, because what better way to honor America’s greatest champion of original intent than by wiping your obstructionist ass on the very document he holds so dear,” says Bee.

Scalia loved the constitution so much he would have married it if he could, then “he would have struck down that marriage because marriage is between a man and a woman!” But whether or not you agree with him, Scalia was a nice guy with a great sense of humor, and cared more about people than their ideas. So, naturally, the Republican presidential candidates honored his memory in their most recent debate by fighting to the death. But while Ted Cruz was arguing with Trump about Planned Parenthood, Trump actually said something in defense of women’s health, and Samantha doesn’t know how to deal with it! “Trump actually made sense,” she shouts. “I’m ruined! They’re gonna take my comedy show away!”

Meanwhile, at the Democratic debate, Hillary had to defend herself to young women who have no idea what she’s done for them. “I have spent my entire adult life working toward ensuring that women are empowered to make their own choices, even if that choice is not to vote for me,” she said, which means, “Oh my god! She’s The Giving Tree!” She went on to show just how much she’s willing to give by pandering hard to black voters. “Nothing can stop her now, except for the thing that always does.” Cut to Bill saying “we are all mixed-race people.”

Caleb is the founder of The Lanx. He is a scholar of satire with a Master's focused in satiric rhetoric, propaganda, and political cartoons. He also studied comedy and satire at Second City and UCB. He runs The Lanx from Los Angeles.
calebstenzinger.com

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