6 Tips for Penetrating the World of Gay Sex Parties

It’s been about a year since my first foray into gay sex parties. Going to your first party can be exciting but also scary, and it’s like a [cum]shot in the dark if you don’t know what to expect.

Here are some helpful tips if you’re planning on joining in the fun.

1. There’s a party for everyone

At least in big cities, there are a lot of sex parties to choose from. Some are extremely exclusive, some are completely nonjudgemental, some cater to specific demographics, while others attract a broader array of clientele. Some have specific rules about the types of activities they allow (jerk-off clubs come to mind), while others are exclusively for bareback or safer sex.

It’s important to find a party that you will feel comfortable attending. It’s definitely not fun feeling like the least attractive person at a party, or finding that most of the other attendees are into doing things that you’re not into. So do your homework ahead of time to find a party that’s the right fit for you. Most every party has an e-mail address so you can contact the organizer if you have questions, and they’re very happy to answer.

2. Know the rules

As mentioned above, some parties have rules about the type of activities that can go on at their party, the types of people they let in, how you interact with other attendees, about what you can wear or must check at the coat/clothing check, etc. Know the rules before you go. E-mail the organizer if you’re not sure.

And follow the rules when you get there. Remember, you’re a guest at someone’s party. And if you don’t follow the rules, they will probably throw you out.

3. Keep an open mind

Everyone is at the party for the same reason. While it’s totally OK to have have a type and be selective about which attendees you want to play with, I think it’s important to come with a positive attitude.

There will always be attendees who show interest in you that you are not interested in. They will probably touch you. Be gentle with your rejection, a simple “no” or gently pushing their hand away is all it takes. And try to take their interest in you as a compliment, not as something to be offended about.

4. Check your feelings [with your pants] at the door

Hot on the heels of #2, the converse is true as well. You will get rejected. It’s ok, it happens to everyone. Don’t let your feelings get hurt, and just step away and move on to someone else.

There are always plenty of other people to choose from. Go find another one.

5. Consent is still a thing

In going to a sex party, you certainly do have to understand that consent looks a little different in these situations. But it is still alive and well and absolutely necessary. (Ok, so maybe if you’re going to some sort of anonymous cumdump party, it’ll be a bit of a different situation.)

Communication at these parties is largely non-verbal, and often an advance is first made by reaching out and touching someone. While the starting point for consent may be different, it’s important to ensure that your potential partner is 100% on board before you move further.

Just as you expect to expect your “no” to be respected, you too should respect the “no’s” of others. Desperation isn’t anyone’s color.

6. Have some fucking fun

For the love of all things holy, please have some fun. I find the experience thrilling. Even those times when I completely strike out at finding what I’m looking for, I still get a thrill from the hunt. There’s something so exciting and animalistic about roaming around the space, scantily clad or naked, stroking yourself and hungrily looking for your next conquest.

We all know preparation is key. Hopefully these tips will help you prepare for your first visit to a sex party. With any hope you’ll slide right in and have a good time.