Doofus On Jeopardy May Never Be Allowed Inside Alabama State Lines

A Vine showing a tragically sports-illiterate Jeopardy contestant answering “What is Auburn?” to a $200 clue reading “Crimson Tide” is making the rounds today, and the entire nation is shaking its head. The citizens of Alabama, on the other head, are straight up outraged.

I know the dude is probably the quiet bookish type who has written a 100-page thesis on the “false sense of pride exhibited by overzealous sports fans” or some shit, but this is downright disrespectful. I want to say it’s like getting a Jeopardy clue that says “Jesus” and answering “What is Scientology?” but even that doesn’t come close to the caliber of offensiveness he just dished out to people in the Yellowhammer State.

He picked the absolute worst college rivalry to fuck up on. Saying Clemson Gamecocks or Michigan State Wolverines will elicit some eye-rolls, and saying Mississippi State Rebels will get you a right hook to the face. But saying Auburn Crimson Tide is a one-way ticket to buttfuck city.

If he ever finds himself passing through Alabama, he better not stop at a roadside BBQ shack. He might git recongized from the internets, and Jim Bob and Bubba (who are die-hard fans despite never coming close to attending either college) are fixin’ tuh stuff dat purdy liberry man’s butthole till he hollers “RAWWWWLL TAWWWD!!”.