Winter 2014 W2: There’s no way I can keep up with this shit

The most interesting part of the season will be tracking how long it takes until I finally break down. In the meantime, I have to talk about 13 animes in one post.

Spoilers: The point of these posts isn’t to give you my opinions. It’s for you to get indignant about how we don’t match up perfectly. But did you ever stop to think that maybe I’m right? That maybe my years of anime experience have left me with superior anime reviewing powers? That maybe… it’s you who has the bad taste?

“That sure as heck is some deep shit to lay on me all at once, D_S.”

Well, let’s see if I can’t convince you over the course of this post.

ImoCho – Recently, My Sister is Unusual

Is this really supposed to be hot?

Know what I call a bastardized manga adaptation that only managed to get me hard for about 30 seconds?

Spoiler:

A 9 out of 10.

Yeah, baby~

Hamtaro Season 2

My, how this franchise has grown up. It’s like Darker than Black, but with more bishies.

Fuck yeah, pockets.

The thing that really stuck me on the show is how they handled a freak-out late into the episode. Instead of having a character give an inspiring speech or slap the character into sense, like every goddamn anime ever, the situation was defused with awkward comedy. And then completely fucking ignored. I mean, really, name me one anime other than Hamtaro season 2 that would pull that shit.

Beyond that, there isn’t too much to be hyped about. The fights are typical shounen bullshit where no one dies, and the Ham Hams look like rejected Black Butler characters.

Taking Ciel x Sebastian literally

But with the bold inclusion of some taboo themes in this episode (ain’t spoiling shit, but there’s sex) and a playfulness with pacing, I’d classify this as worth watching.

8/10.

Nobunagun

I don’t even care.

8/10.

Nobunaga the Fool

A falsity if I ever heard one.

This is Nippon’s latest attempt to– oh my god I’m so bored just thinking about this show, fuck. Moving on.

3/10.

D-Frag!

You always fucking do this, Japan. You see something that works well and decide you’ve just gotta fuck it up.

Here’s how the anime starts:

“The two meeting here is just fate. He’s such a nice guy and she’s such a clumsy girl. Gosh darn don’t you just want to root for this couple?”

Here’s how the manga starts (ignore the shitty translation):

You know how the anime handled this scene (that starts 3 and a half minutes in)?

See a fucking difference? Cuz I certainly do. If you’re gonna rape the characters. at least have the decency to wear a fucking condom, you sick fucks. They’re choking on your fucking fail jizz.

2/10.

Toaru Hikuushi e no Koiuta – The Pilot’s Love Song

You know he’s mad cuz his eyes turned purple.

You saw the poll, right? Okay, then that’s all the analysis you’re getting here.

Piercing.

Don’t glare; what the fuck did you expect? Nobody could stay sane through 13 anime comparisons in one post. Look what you’re doing to me ;_;

It’s good. Watch it. You liked Last Exile, right? 9/10.

SoniAni – Super Sonico the Animation

Another stupid, pandering show by Japan intended to appeal to those who have no concept of the difference between what people really look like and the plasticky, showy ideals of mass-market, sexist propaganda.

Objectifying and debasing, this show’s gender stereotypes of men are reviling, and just another example of the matriarchy’s commitment to keeping those of the male gender as nothing more than sex objects.

Space Dandy

It was okay, but why the fuck would anyone expect it to be omgreat? Japan and comedy don’t go together.

Politely smile your way through to the end and then say you liked it, even if you didn’t. Be a good anime fan and follow the routine.

Anime of the season/10.

Mikakunin de Shinkoukei – Engaged to the Unknown

ohmygodsocute

I would like to introduce the Cute Face Theory: an anime’s quality can be objectively determined by its quantity of cute, hot, and/or exaggerated anime faces.

Oh god he’s so bishiedorable. I wish he would care for me as much as he doesn’t care about anything~

While the series hasn’t kicked into full gear yet (apparently bishie-san and his sister are aliens), it–

You know what, fuck it. Just watch it. If you’re not hooked by the first episode, you have no soul. It’s goddamn cute.

34/10

Noragami

Okay, you know the Cute Face Theory? Scrap that; Noragami sucks.

Not even Bones’ stacks of cash can save such a soulless series.

7/10

ZX Ignition

People die in this card game anime. It’s rad.

Allow me to quote a review from Digimon Adventure,

“Enjoyment: It’s not too often I can come back ten years later, watch a show, and enjoy it more than I did a decade ago, so Adventure deserves a ten in this department. When the creators said they wanted to make it a show that anyone of any age could enjoy, they were not kidding.”

I don’t remember watching Digimon Adventure, nor do I remember why I wanted to quote a Digimon Adventure review, but it’s these little things in life that make it worth living, don’t you think?

Inspiring/10.

Hozuki no Reitetsu

Say what you will about genital mutilation. At least it inspires some sense of emotion in the victim. Hozuki no Reitetsu is not nearly so kind.

No. Please. Spare me your japery, Japan

Waps will say the show is hilarious. “You just don’t get it!” they’ll proclaim when you can’t even get through the first episode without falling asleep.”It’s based on Japanese culture so only true anime fans will get it!”

Yeah? What the fuck is there not to get, shitbards? You goddamn harp-playing spreaders of bad opinions and feces? Momotaro’s in hell and he wants to fight an ogre but he gets his ass kicked. And the joke lasts ten minutes. FUCKING GODDAMN FUNNY.

Please, move to Japan, Hozuki fans. Maybe they could use you and your opinions as fertilizer or something.

Hozuki fans/10.

Chuu2-2

That silly chuuni~

This should have never gotten a second season.

Turn the waterworks on if you must. Dark_Sage doesn’t care.

Yeah, it’s enjoyable, and the dialogue is cool and I like the characters and dat animation…

Yum.

but still.

1/10.

Thoughts, Graphed

Note that the score you see here is my overall impression of the anime. Also, I’m lying to you.

It comes across as more fujoshi pandering in a shounen guise… which ain’t usually a good combination (not that I care if a show’s fujobait or not; I loved Free for example). As mentioned here earlier, the scores in this post don’t match up with what I’d consider my actual scores. I’d give it a 6/10 so far, but I’m not really sold on where it’s going. The biggest problem is it’s setting itself up with a scope that I consider way too fucking wide.

The main characters are all apparently reincarnations of historical figures, and it’s set in a future where there’s like robots and space travel and shit. But all the events are supposed to be recreations of the events the historical characters went through. The idea is that Nobunaga Oda meets up with Joan of Arc, who he loved in a past life or something (or like she was one of his warriors, I dunno). And then romance. Also, Magellan, Leonardo DaVinci, and King Arthur are in the series.

The first episode wasn’t terrible, and it all sounds cool on paper, but I really, really, really do not trust Japan to not bite off more than they can chew here.

Never seen Chuu2 but that one still deserves more than 1/10 at the very least. And the mention of Shrödinger’s Cat (everyone’s favourite thought experiment) must bump it up a place or two.

Speaking of decent art in a show, you should check out Pupa. The pacing is pretty dire and the dialog’s minimalistic to say the least, but the animation’s pretty atmospheric. And it’s only five minutes long, so you can make it 14 series in your blog posts without too much extra :effort:!

Yeah, I really think they could have done a lot more with it if they’d had the time to actually develop the setting and the characters. At the moment, it’s a bit of a whistle-stop tour, but I’ll keep watching and hope they remake it into a longer series at some point.

The only two series I’ve watched so far from this season are Imocho and D-Frag. Among others, I’d like to watch Nobunagun, Hamatora, and Toaru Hikuushi, but I’m really hoping someone picks them up besides HS.

You know, I was just thinking that since no one was doing Nobunagun maybe I should get my feet wet in fansubbing and do an edit of the CR release, but if someone else is doing it and it’s not shit there probably isn’t any need. Nothing else that looks any good seems to be for lack of subbers anymore too, so I guess I’ll just shelve that idea till next season.

Well, that and because I have no intentions of knowing just what does Japan think USA weeaboos like. I’ve seen enough Don Tacos commercials to know what they think about my people, so I’ll just extrapolate from there.