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Monday, March 10, 2014

Oh, the Insanity!

Arms braced on the dash, my
17-year-old son turns to me with terror and bewilderment. I know this not because I am looking at him
but because his gaze is burning holes into my heart. Guilt and shame rise in me
like steam in a pressure cooker. I have
just slammed into a snow bank after driving way too fast down a windy mountain
road covered in snow and black ice. I
groan as the layers of foolishness flash through my thoughts and I hang my head
low.

I accepted long ago my level
of insanity, which is not to say I believe myself more unbalanced than my
neighbor, but a little crazy nevertheless. Perhaps I should back up a moment
and define insanity as I depict it here:
to knowingly and willingly do harmful or destructive things to myself or
others. Why do I make these ridiculously
idiotic choices? To avoid a long psychological thesis, I will simply conclude
it is part of my human condition.

Here are some observations
from a single day in the life of me:

1.Eating candy
which has a momentary pleasure, but is followed immediately by muscle swelling
and joint pain

2.Cooking dinner,
balancing my checkbooks, talking to a contractor, riding a stick horse and
packing lunches simultaneously and all within 30 minutes

3.Attempting to
control my children’s behavior by losing my patience and screaming profanities

4.Getting angry
about choices someone else makes that do not affect me directly

5. Not communicating needs with my husband and
hoping he will “see the light” and change

What the Fox Says?! Hello? I know things will only end badly.

In taking my own inventory,
(I believe to be good and healthy while taking others - totally insane) I observe my lunacy and in that moment a light
flicks on in the factory of my mind and the little plastic thingy that holds my
six pack together is secured. With
little effort, I can hold all the important things together without loosing my
mind. I give myself a mental hug realizing I am just fine and so is everybody
else. Tomorrow I will wake up, partake
of the madness and try to remember never to take life too seriously.