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Friday, January 27, 2012

Mom Guilt.

Mom Guilt.

This week I feel like I've done nothing. Well you know...

I saved superman by gluing his arm back to his body,I found Rapunzel's long lost shoe-underneath a slice of stale cheese...which was left inside the play kitchen refrigerator for what I would guess (from the texture and color) to be at least 3 days old,I built a lego batcave in no less than 1 hour,I attended a dance recital in my living room where the dancer danced to 'Jingle Bells' (a Christmas cd that got left out of the christmas box) over and over and over,and I'm pretty sure at one point I made a pretty dang good pot of Macaroni & cheese so you know...it wasn't nothing exactly.

But I've been SO sick this week that I feel like a literal BUMP on a LOG! I look at my house and I just cringe! I look at my laundry piled up to way past overflowing, my kitchen sink full of dishes that I just have no desire to empty, the toys just pushed off to the sides of the room so the kids could go to bed because the thought of having to actually clean their rooms makes me want to dive into a cave, and I look at those 2 little faces and I just feel...guilt.

I didn't play with them enough, I didn't want to crawl out of bed to play princesses and pretend I'm the evil queen that locked the princess in the dungeon, I let them watch hours and hours of TV,-and the fact that I can't even put a number on those hours because I honestly don't know- makes me feel even more guilty.

Even though the hubby's good to try to relieve me of my guilt by telling me that it's okay our kids know all of the characters on spongebob square pants (seriously? dumbest. show. ever.) and haven't eaten a vegetable in a week because I'm sick, I STILL feel guilty.

So by day 3 of having body aches so bad I couldn't move my neck and chills that kept me dressed like I was living outside, on the streets, in the Arctic, and a sore throat that completely obliterated all attempts to break-up fights between the littles because all I could do is whisper (and seriously whisper??...I wouldn't even take me seriously.), I crawled out of my bed because of GUILT. And I played, and I laughed-in a freaky ghost movie kinda way-and I drove kids to preschool and dance, and made dinner, and looked for toys and turned off the TV and worked on reading and writing with them, and read every library book we have (and yes, they are 2 weeks over-due glad you asked!) and woke up to do it all over again the next day. Why?!?!

Mom Guilt.

I think, especially as woman-and I think this is true even if you don't have kids yet-we are so hard on ourselves. We think we have to know how to sew and cook and bake and have a doctorate and never yell at our kids and serve our neighbors and fulfill religious obligations and be an attractive wife with dinner on the table at 5:00 and be in perfect shape and have children that behave like angels and be running at full speed even if we're sick. :) Not ONLY do we have to do all those things, we have to do ALL of them perfectly, ALL the time.

Why do we put all that unnecessary pressure on ourselves?! Is the Woman Police going to come arrest us for not sewing every clothing item our children wear, or for not baking the perfect pie for our sick neighbor, or for weighing an extra 5 lbs because we love cheeseburgers? I think I must think that because I worry about not being able to accomplish all the things I want to do. So I have to focus on this thought:

I can do everything I want to do. Just not right now. One thing at a time.

I think that's why finding balance, and making sure I'm doing other things with my time besides crafting and blogging, has been so important to me this past month. AND I think that's why this week has been so hard because I've been trying to be the perfect mother and I let mom guilt take over when I should have embraced the few ways I was being a good one (like when I turned OFF spongebob-chalk that up for a winner mom moment! go me!)

Sorry for the very real, un-edited, edition of the Angela brain dump today. I think I'll feel better next week. :) And I've got a few projects on the docket for the weekend so I'll be sharing those next week! Have a great weekend!

7 comments:

I think we all struggle with mommy guilt. Make yourself a list of things that you want to do with your kids when you're feeling better. Give yourself some slack, give them lots of hugs and kind words and remember that you're doing a great job!

Oh, Angela, I'm so very sorry you've been sick. That's positively miserable - especially when you have kids. I really hope you get feeling better fast and don't have to deal with that anymore. I am certain you are a great mother. You're right, all of us experience some degree of the "failing as a perfect woman" guilt. I love the quotes you shared; both are so insightful and so true. I am a self-proclaimed recovering perfectionist (any improvement is recovery, right?) and I have often found myself consumed with guilt. But I've decided that doing what is necessary at the moment is best, even if it doesn't feel best right then. If that means I rest on the couch because I'm so tired I can't keep my eyes open while my toddler plays by herself, then so be it. I know I'll just be too grouchy to be good playmate anyway. I'll just do better when I'm not so tired tomorrow. Anyway, that was a long tangent. (Ever notice that I always write the loooooongest comments?) I really hope you feel better super quick!

I love your honesty and genuine posts!! That mom guilt is something I think we can ALL relate too...I know I can! We are so hard on ourselves and try to do so much. I try to remember that life is full of seasons, and in every season there will be things I excel in...and things that I lack. You are a wonderful mommy and talented in so many other areas as well. One thought I've had recently as I have had some of these same feelings - Heavenly Father doesn't give us feelings of fear, guilt or shame. That is not how he teaches. He lifts us up, encourages us, forgives us and LOVES us. Sorry, this may be the longest comment ever :) Keep up the great work you are doing and I hope you get feeling better soon!!

You are not alone friend!! Since we are being honest, this is me... a lot of the time. You are a strong, fun, awesome momma!! Sorry to hear you've been sick :( That's never fun and turns mom guilt up 10 fold! Hang in there and I hope you feel better sooner than later! Hugs to you friend!

Does it help that because I don't have kids I still get wife guilt? As in I have sooooo much going on (FT job, business travel, etsy shop/orders, blog, etc....)that my house always looks like it was bombed, my husband is always low on socks & boxers, & I still have a Christmas manger sitting in the middle of my living room....the list can go on. Sigh....we do our best but we can't do it all whether we are mothers, sisters, wives, etc.... Hope you feel better & stop kicking yourself around!