Dealing with mean in laws (long)

My SO's cousin has always been rude and mean she is a self proclaimed bitch and very proud of the fact that she is so mean. I always put up with it because she was never really mean to me however once she found out that I was pregnant she started being mean and rude to me as well because she was jealous that we were pregnant and her husband didn't want to have a baby.

When I was 12 weeks pregnant we went on vacation with her and her DH we stayed in a condo so there was one master bedroom with a king size bed and an ensuite and another bed with a double bed. We drove in seperate cars and they purposely left 2 hours before us so that she could take the master bedroom. My SO and I asked if it was possible if we could have the master bedroom since it had the bigger bed and I was pregnant. First she tried to say the beds were the same size and then she just flat out refused to let us switch. The entire vacation all she did was complain and yell at her husband (she is extremly controlling and mean to him and they have a very volitile relationship). It was a horrible vacation and that was the first time that I saw her true colours and how she really acted.

When we were going to announce that we were pregnant at 14 weeks she refused to come. When we were going to have our gender reveal party she cancled last minute and said that her dog was sick (which wasn't true one of SO's sisters lived with her). We asked her to come to our baby shower she said no didn't even come up with an excuse just said no. When I had my son and we invited her over she came but she refused to hold the baby saying she only wanted to hold her own baby.

Anyways, all of these things that she did really hurt my feelings and honestly this is just the tip of the iceburg. Now, she just invited us over for the first time in about four months and as soon as we walked in the door she blurted out that she was pregnant. Now she expects me to be happy because our kids will be best friends just like her and my SO always planned and we will do everything together and go to disneyland together ect.

Now my SO and all of his sister's are saying that I need to be nicer to her because apparently I hurt her feelings by being cold when we went to visit her. I have tried to explain how I feel to my SO that she hurt my feelings and no one really seems to care about that but all he says is that she is family so I just have accept her and the way that she acts.

Am I wrong for not wanting to hang out with her all of the time, I am fine with seeing her at family functions and I will be pleasant and civil. I just don't want to have to spend more time with her then I have to. I am just sick of watching her be so mean to other people she likes to publicly humilate her husband by yelling at him calling him names ect. She is rude to waitresses for no reason all she does is complain about everything it is just really draining on me emotionally to be around her. I always feel really sad after being around them and I don't understand why everyone tolerates her behaviour and when I bring it up all they say is she is family and we just deal with it.

I'm sorry this is so long you're a saint if you got through all of this, I really need advice it's starting to cause problems with SO and I we need a comprimise we can both live with and so far I haven't been able to come up with one.

Comments (47)

If baby daddy is a SO, then his relatives are not your ILs. You're not married. You don't have ILs. You are, in no way, related to any of those people. They are relatives of your boyfriend.

So, if you don't like being around them, then don't. Baby daddy can't whine and bitch that you're "cutting off family" because they are not family. Send him alone to whatever gatherings they have. No big deal.

It sounds like you need to stop engaging with these people. If you truly want to end the drama, and not make it worse, then solve the problem on your end. Just stop being around them at all. Problem solved.

I have to be with the OP on this one. If you don't care for her and feel she is a less than stellar person to be around your SO needs to cut the crap. I don't even care about the things you posted. Regardless of what has or hasn't happened he should not be telling you who you should be friends with outside of family functions. He should not be forcing a friendship or forcing you to hang with someone who makes youuncomfortable .

I just wouldn't make a bog deal about it. I have plenty of family and in-laws that are LC. I didn't tell them, I didn't hash it out with them or make a huge deal about it to my DH. All those things make it awkward.

Just live your life. Make your own plans. You stated that you would be happy to be polite and cordial at family functions, so do that. Don't plan vacations with her. Just tell your SO that you'd really rather start taking family vacations with just him and your LO. I also wouldn't give her any headspace and would stop analyzing everything she says and does.

The bed thing was petty. But I would have taken the master if I got there first too. I would also have expected for the married couple to have it over the non married couple. JMO. And I wouldn't have cared if she didn't show up to all the events. Sometimes people really are busy. Sometimes they really are hurt when they are married and can't get pregnant right away or their DH doesn't want children.

Good luck OP. I'm sure you can make this work in a way that is good for you and your SO.

Why are you attacking Tardis, Diplomatic Wifey???(I'm assuming she is having a really long night so leave her alone.Trust me she has a life ) As for people are saying about having to suck it up Op no you don't you shouldn't hang out with people that drain you emotionally.

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"Quite frankly, if Fail were The Force, this DuH would be fucking Yoda."-KISS

You should not be pressured into associating with her, why must you have a relationship with her outside social functions, stand your ground. Dh knows better than to force to associate with someone, not taking that BS from anybody!