Healing the Child Within Community Group

This is a safe haven for victims of childhood abuse and their loved ones to share stories, sympathies, and tips for healing. Whether verbal, physical, or sexual in nature, the effects of childhood abuse can be permanently scarring. Together, though, we can find strength and solace in each other.

What Do I Say to My BF when i'm Feeling Like

Most of the time, i can be flirty and sexy with him, however, when i'm in the child state, anything about sex, even indirect, totally traumatizes me. i feel like the abuses were just minutes ago and i want to run and hide from the bad people. i want to hide in my bed and hold my teddy bear that my mama gave me.

He has never suffered any kind of abuse.
I just don't know how to talk about this...it must seem so bizarre to him. i'm afraid he's going to leave me...and i just don't know how many times i can take getting dumped.

i really have a struggle when we're on the phone and i'm in this child state. i don't know what to say. And if he starts talking sexy, i just freak out and want to run.

Yesterday was horrible. i cried off and on all day. i did manage to go pay my phone bill.
I was snappy and irritable all day and then i was rude to my bf. it was one of those days where i couldn't tolerate being around anyone.God, i'm so afraid of being abandoned.

I know this will be a difficult conversation to have, but I think you should just try to explain to him what you go through. Be sure to tell him that it is not 24/7 -- that it comes and goes -- and also that it is very typical for survivors of childhood abuse to go through this. Tell him that talking sexy or about sex when you are feeling 5 years old tends to traumatize you. And then come up with an indirect way to tell him that you are feeling like a child, because (at least for me) it is a very hard thing to admit to directly. Maybe you could tell him that you are having a teddy bear moment, or that you feel small. When I feel 4 years old, I get out my crayons and coloring books. Then if I need to communicate with my husband, I can write it down with a crayon for him to read. This is great way to ask for a Happy Meal when I&#039;m too shy or embarrassed to admit that I want one. :-D

It might take your BF a bit to process this information, but chances are that he will eventually ask what he can do to help. Be specific with him, because guesswork will only frustrate both of you. If you need to hear &quot;I love you&quot; or &quot;I&#039;m not going to leave you&quot;, ask him to reassure you of that.

Remind YOURSELF that you do not need to be ashamed of nor apologize for your abuse; IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. Remind yourself that your abuse does NOT make you any less of a woman nor any less lovable. Remind yourself that you DESERVE someone who loves and supports you both as an adult and as a 5-year-old inner child. And if your BF is not that person, then you will find someone who does.

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