Being Transparent – My Inner Struggles

It has seemed that this year has been a roller coaster ride of emotions and right now it seems that I am seeing the dips or maybe it’s the heart stopping fearing of the next drop to come instead of just enjoying the ride right now. It has seem to be one thing after another and I finding it hard to catch my breath or find my center.

Started the year facing sinus surgery which was an epic battle with insurance to get it all approved in a timely matter due to upcoming travel. But in the end it worked out and the surgery went better than expected and the recovery was complete. And that should have been the end. A very happy ending to a 2 year health battle. But it wasn’t because once that was cleared up it was discovered I was still having a few of the symptoms we all assumed were related to the sinus problem. I was still getting a funny taste in my mouth, I have an ongoing scratching throat, and a swollen gland. It is now believed to be an issue with salivary gland most likely a stone. So I now begin a new journey of insurance approvals and a CT scan to determine what is next.

Hayden finally got a job and I was doing the mom happy dance only to have him be laid off two weeks later because of equipment failure on their part. My mom heart just breaks because it seems that this kid never catches a break.

I had a wonderful time meeting my brand new granddaughter Lillian and that was a joy but also bittersweet because I know that she will often live far away from me.

I have been working more hours and have been having trouble motivating the younger two to be consistent with the school. Thought I found something that would work but it turned out to be a bust.

I was so excited to be asked to remain a member of the Review Crew for 2015 and looked forward to the unique perspective of a working homeschool mom. I felt privileged about being that voice. I felt horrible to have to tender my resignation and will have more review to post before I am finished.

Mommy guilt. I love my job but feel guilty that I’m not home. I feel guilty that I spent money on school material that are being wasted. I feel guilty that I wasn’t as active as I felt I should be as review crew member. I feel guilty for having to take so much time off for surgery and my trip.

Looking for the Positives

There was a day a couple of weeks ago that I was ready to find a dark corner and just hide. But after a good cry in the bathroom for about 30 minutes I realized that life must continue to march forward and that for now it is a struggle to look past the lows I must fake til I make it and try to reflect on the positives as well.

I have a great group of online friends who have listened to me vent a lot this year and have been there with prayers and encouragement. I have felt every bit of that. And while I don’t always respond with a comment know that I take all of you to God in prayer as well. Often during prayer time a name will pop in my head and I will pray for that one even if I don’t know why.

Lillian is coming to visit here in August and bring her mom and dad with her. Caleb was able to get some leave so I will actually have the whole family here.

I am able to know recognize when I am pulling back and closing up. And while I can’t always stop it and I can be honest with my family and usually not get so far off track like I used to.

I am continue to declutter in small daily doses. Progress is slow but forward moving.

Because I will be working 40 hours a week this summer I can afford to send the kids to the Camp Fire activities they were both most interested in. Two week trips for each of them. One shared trip and one trip without their sibling plus Hannah will be doing several day and half day service projects.

While Hannah is not at Camp Fire we will be trying something new to see if I can reignite her love of learning. She is really interested in the idea of monthly crate boxes and while she would like to belong to the Candy Club I have instead signed up for Little Passports USA Edition, Tinker Crate, and Doodle Crate. (Also, there are referral codes so if you decide you want to try let me know.) The Little Passports is a bit young for her but it looks like fun and was something she saw last year at FPEA and has wanted to try ever since. I found the other two on a blog post and they look really interesting. I found a few others that I liked but especially Groovy Lab in a Box and Bits Box but felt like I got my variety for my dollars for now with what we have chosen. I will pay by the month until I see how it works but I’m hopefully this might work for us. (If you have other suggestions please leave links.) I think the consistency of doing the same thing while it being new and fresh each month might be a great option for Hannah. Plus of all my children she has really been the one to most enjoyed planned out hands-on activities. I love the idea that it comes ready to use out of the box.

I’m really pleased with how A+ Math Placement is working and will continue to pay for that to help fill in math gaps for both of the kids.

While I don’t always take and post pictures daily to Instagram just thinking about the possibility of posting something has made me more aware of the world around me and the blessing in the little things that often get overlooked.

I’ve committed to short-term daily Bible readings using some of the Bible Reading Plans on my Olive Tree Apps.

I’ve worked out a plan to catch up on my big to be read pile of books by limiting new purchases, by rotating between old and new stuff, and by giving myself permission to set aside a book after a couple of chapters if it just isn’t doing it for me. I got several free books when I got my first e-reader. I hate to waste but I give myself permission to delete it from my reader and move on.

Hannah has made a new local friend and I’m so excited for her.

Cool critter seen at work

Jacob and Lillian

Setting Future Goals

So that’s my world right now. I am looking for the positives and trying not to deal in the negatives. I pretty focused on just getting through the here and now but I do want to list some future goals to keep moving forward.

Exercise – nothing fancy maybe just going back to doing work outs with the Wii and walking.

Drink More Water – yeah seems simple but I can’t seem to keep it consistent

Don’t dropping the ball on things that are working.

Helping Joshua decide what the next best step is for him.

Continue to blog even without the obligation of review crew.

Scrapbook more. I see how much my children love looking at those memories. I need to just keep at it. Starting with new stuff and working on old stuff. A little at a time but keep at it.

Join the Discussion

Feel free to comment. If you have other learning crate ideas, especially if you have either tried them out or know a place to get better prices please let me know.

Lord Heritage has developed HomeSchool Office to help families with their homeschool planning and reporting. It is a flexible program that allows you to create lesson plans, schedule assignments, assign grades, track hours, and generate a variety of reports. It also allows you to add in chores, activities, and projects so that you can put all the parts of you life together in one place.

Our family is reviewing our experience with HomeSchool Office. The support page provides lots of helpful information to help you get started setting up your account and page. As the parent you create the main password for the account that gives you the administrative powers to set and plan for your homeschool. You can also generate passwords for your students so that they can access their assignments. When students are log in the only area they can click on is the work area where the lessons are scheduled on the calendar.

Parents will find all tabs activated when they log in. One of the first areas in the Team area. This section includes taps that allow you to set up information about your school, your school district, teachers, and students. It also has a tab that lets you resources you use in your school and friends (a contact list).

Plan is the main area where you set up everything you need to assign work for your students. In this section there are tabs for setting up the subjects your students will be using. A School Year Lesson Plan which has a calendar that allows you to set up which days of their year are school days. This is used when lesson plans are added. If you have days unchecked on this calendar then the program will skip those days when added work to the schedule. The Master Schedule tab allows you to assign which subjects are done each day. You can schedule everything for everyday or you can assign certain subjects on only a few days. The Project tab gives you a place to set up school projects and assign them to certain subject areas. Budget gives you the place to track expenses.

Order shows you the assignment calendar. From here the parent can make adjustments or print out assignments. You can view the calendar but the month, week, or day. You can also view the assignments in list form by the week or day. This screen also gives you place to set up to do lists and assign them to one of the calendars. You can set up as many calendars as you want. I set up one calendar for each child so that it is easy to print out a list specifically for that child. Changes can be made by the parent in the Order section.

Work looks pretty much like the Order section but in this section is for viewing only. This is the only section that is active when the child uses their log in. Like the Order area you can also turn off and on calendars so that the student can see just their work if they are logged in. Also, if you want to print out assignments you can the assignments for only one student.

Evaluate is where you will enter grades and manage attendance. Each grade does have to be entered separately but as you start to type in the assignment it will bring up assignments for the lesson plans so you don’t have to retype everything.

Report is the area where you can print all kinds of reports based on the information you need. You can click on any areas you wanted included in your report. In this area you can also generate a transcript.

Using HomeSchool Office

When I first opened the program and began to use I had little trouble figuring out how to set everything up but by taking advantage of the Support area I was able to figure my way around the program. Once you add items to the lesson plan they are quickly added into the assignment calendars for each student. I only added a few weeks worth of lessons plans since I wanted to get started quickly. When the student runs out of items in the lesson plans for a certain subject when you print out the assignments you lets you know that you have run out of work.

Since I was away from home for a couple of weeks during the review period I was able to print out a copy of the assignments for my husband and older son to help them check up my two students while I was away. They were also to log in and check their assignments for themselves.

During the review period their brother was home on leave. There was one week that I had marked as a school week that they ended up not getting any school done because they were busy doing things with their brother. While the easiest way to take time off from school is to mark the days as non-school days before they occur. But the work had already been assigned and those days had passed and I couldn’t figure how to move them. I put in a request through the support page. Customer service got back with me quickly on how to solve my problem as well as giving me the suggest to uncheck days ahead of time to avoid the problem in the future. They also check with me to make sure the information given worked for me. I was impressed with the level of customer service.

There were a few things I would have like to have like being able to copy and paste items on the master calendar so that it would be quicker to fill in. Also for items that children repeated every day like such as spend 15 minutes free reading those items could be put into the lesson plan and just repeated with the same assignment each day. Also, I would have found it helpful that items on the lesson plan where already listed in the Evaluate section and you only needed to go back and enter the grades.

Because this program is online it is easy to access on any computer or tablet with internet access.

HomeSchool Office Facts

This program can be used by the whole family whether you are parent log in and entering information or the student logging in to check on their assignments.

Annual subscriptions are $79 and can be used by all the students in the family. The annual subscription rate also gets you any updates as the occur during the year.

For those who would like to try it before they buy it Lord Heritage offers a 30-day Free Trial that will allow you to give the program a test run before you purchase.

P is for proactive. I have given this a lot of thought this week because of something that came up. I realized that how I was handling the information I was given was reactive. I got upset, hurt, angry, frustrated, and defeated. All of these are negative reactions and certainly didn’t do a thing to help the situation or to do myself any good. What I also realized was unfortunately this is my go to style. I want to internalize and end up upset but with nothing to show for but my own negative feelings.

Not sure what created my ah-ha moment but I woke up and suddenly it became clear to me that I needed to take control of my own reaction. I analyzed if there was anything that I could do about the situation that was a positive action. The first proactive step I took was to stop and pray. I let go of the situation and feel at peace that however things turn out it will be the right thing for me and my family. Also, with a clear and calm attitude my “thinking cap” turned on and I had a clear idea of an action I could take that would also be proactive. I took the time to complete these steps.

I now know that I have done everything that I can do to ensure that the situation comes out the way I would like it too. But I also know because I surrendered the situation that even if the conclusion is not my first choice it will be the best choice.

It shouldn’t come as a surprise but I was amazed at how changing my attitude to view the situation in a proactive vs reactive way how much better I felt. It no longer felt like a burden, my peace and joy returned. I like to say I will never just react again but well I’m sure I will but I hope that the epiphany I had this week I hope that I can pull back and rethink my approach.

Tuesday night Caleb received a cash reward to use toward a computer to help him in his college studies while serving in the U.S. Air Force. I will probably be driving him over to the store this afternoon. He was nominated by the Lakeland Chapter for the GFWC – Florida, Youth Leadership Award in the area of Conservation. The nomination included a letter of why this younger person should be considered for the award. I will let the letter speak for itself.

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Mrs. Roth reading the letter as she makes the presentation to Caleb.

It is with great pleasure and excitement that the GFWC Junior Women’s Club of Lakeland recommends Caleb Mathre for the GFWC Youth Leadership Award in the area of Conservation. Caleb’s sense of commitment, loyalty, and service are truly commendable – he has made, and continues to make, a definite difference in our community and in the lives and habitats impacted by his volunteer efforts.

Caleb possesses tremendous personal conviction and understands civic responsibility. He demonstrates his belief in volunteerism and civic engagement through his actions as well as his words. He has been recognized as Camp Fire Sunshine Central Florida’s Outstanding Youth Member of the Year and is currently serving a two-year term with fifteen other young adults on Camp Fire’s National Youth Advisory Cabinet due in large part to his tremendous accomplishments as a volunteer. Caleb was recently nominated to represent Summerlin High School in the field of Environmental Service in Polk County’s prestigious Silver Garland Awards for Outstanding Volunteerism that take place later this spring. In May of 2012, he was recognized as one of a small, but distinct, handful of student volunteers by the Polk County School Board.

Caleb cares about his community, passionately volunteering his time and energy. He has used his lifelong involvement in Camp Fire, a national, non-profit youth development organization, as a vehicle and platform to harness his desire to leave a lasting imprint by helping those in need and to minimize the footprint society has left on the environment. He has completed more than 1,500 hours of volunteer service since entering high school – with more than one-third of those hours spent specifically on environmental service. He has personally removed extensive amounts of invasive, exotic plants, planted indigenous and Florida friendly plants, created butterfly gardens, worked in organic vegetable gardens, spread endless amounts of mulch and fill, cleared new trails and maintained existing ones, installed signs and fence posts at parks, cleaned beaches, and other tasks needed by the agencies and park systems hosting the service-learning projects. During these many hours, days, and overnights, Caleb has learned how to identify countless invasive plants and how they threaten the ecosystems they decide to call home, the importance of controlled burns, the challenges of erosion control and managing environmentally threatened lands, how to properly use tools and safely complete physically demanding projects, and how park rangers and non-profit staff and volunteers work to balance community needs with available resources.

Caleb with me and Ms. Holly of Camp Fire.

One of the things that continue to set Caleb apart as a volunteer is his willingness to step into leadership roles – helping others to volunteer and not being content to simply volunteer himself. He has held numerous leadership roles at school and in Camp Fire – each time learning more about the community, himself, and the finer nuances of leadership and motivation. During CF66, a challenging week-long service-learning trip for which Caleb has served as a team captain on three separate occasions, he continually demonstrated his personal resolve when he helped tackle the more challenging aspects of the position – addressing struggling group dynamics and finding ways to inspire individual team mates who did not possess his personal drive and passion to help. By doing so, his impact reached far beyond that of his individual service – effectively rendering the sweat-equity of a group of twelve volunteers instead of the efforts of only a few. Caleb has planned environmental service-learning projects in partnership with numerous Florida State Parks, the national park and county park system, the Nature Conservancy, animal rescue groups, Martin County Environmental Lands, Ocala National Forest, and various non profits of all sizes. He has also included outdoor recreation activities in trips to help expose fellow volunteers to the amazing experiences that can be found out-of-doors. Bio-luminescence kayak trips, snorkeling, outdoor cooking, night hikes, and lighthouse climbs have helped teens connect to the environment, resulting in more focused projects and enhanced long-term stewardship efforts.

Following graduation this year Caleb already has plans to continue to serve. He has already enlisted with the U.S. Air Force. We could not be prouder of Caleb and look forward to seeing all the areas he will serve in the future.

Caleb is truly an outstanding young man and we feel he is the ideal candidate for the Youth Leadership award in the area of conservation.