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Saturday, October 04, 2014

Brownback gets endorsements ... from famous assholes.

After alarming polls drove home the fact that Governor Sam
Brownback is in severe danger of losing his office to Rep. Paul Davis* in the
coming election, the Brownback campaign picked up some big endorsements this
week. Irrelevant political dancing monkeys, such as failed reality-show star
Sarah Palin, traveled to Kansas and offered condescendingly faux-homespun
folksiness in hopes of throwing a lifeline to the drowning incumbent. Inspired
by Palin's endorsement, several other public figures who have nothing to do
with Kansas have come forward in support of Governor Samhain Azmodeus
Brownback.

Famous-for-some-reason domestic abuser Chris Brown took a
break from his tour to stump for Brownback in Cheney, saying, "A vote for
Sam is a vote for good, old fashioned common sense. I'm confident he can beat
Davis, just as I have beaten so many."

O.J. Simpson also offered his opinion on the race, releasing
a statement from his cell in Nevada's Lovelock Correctional Center. "Sam
Brownback is a good man, a powerful leader who can take that budget deficit he
created and strangle it, stab it, simply murder it until it is dead,"
inmate No. 1027820 wrote. "I wholeheartedly endorse his candidacy; a vote
for him is surely a vote for my innocence, as well."

North Korean Glorious Leader Kim Jong Un stopped to speak
with the press in Topeka on the lawn outside the governor's mansion after his
weekly tea, stating that "Voting is a silly construct. It offers nothing
but foolish hope to naive peasants. That said, if you are going to allow them
to vote, they must vote for their glorious leader or be punished. No dissent
can be tolerated."

Hollywood lent its voice as Mel Gibson and Joel Schumacher
(director of Batman & Robin) held a press conference in Mullinville to
rally for the governor and, apparently, against entrenched Zionist control of
Hollywood.

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