We are what we eat

“Good news, we planned to have 90% spray coverage this year (100% by 2020) and a 85% is a really good figure. The incredible diversity of pesticides, fungicides and herbicides found now in our food is proof positive that the system is working”.

“For decades those pinko lefty bastards at Greenpeace have been trying to stop forward progress of the chemical industry, next year we will have ’em beat”. We estimate that by 2020 the average slice of American Apple Pie will contain at least 98% chemical fruit substitutes, thanks to our friends at Syngenta, Dow and Monsanto. We are rapidly reaching a stage where we can just sell Chemical Pies with no need to grow apples at all.”

“We have just concluded our research into the trial of a new Multicide designed to induce toxic shock syndrome in persons of a slightly left leaning disposition. When ingested through the gastric system the susceptible Democrats die within days. Under new FFC’s (Farmer Friendly Contracts) with AgroBiz, the bodies of the deceased are immediately recycled by ploughing back into fields ready for new crops.

“The manufacturers claim that their top secret in-house research confirms the cocktail of Multicides decays rapidly in human corpses”.

“Farmers have ruefully noted they will have to purchase “Top Up” Multicide supplies with one farmer saying, “It’s a pity the chemicals will not be continuously available for recycling as active pesticides, but at least our land will benefit from having more body in it”.

Editors Note

Gives one a warm rosy glow doesn’t it? Everything in the garden will be coming up toes’s