Assuming the Lakers open the playoffs that day -- a safe bet since Sunday is also known in the league office as "Lakers vs. Whomever on ABC!" -- we know who they're playing

Passing up a chance to avoid the Jazz in the first round by losing, the Lakers instead dialed U for Utah, leading by as many as 21 points Tuesday, crushing the Jazz, 125-112, to lock in the matchup.

For the Jazz, it ended a nightmare finish in which it lost seven of its last nine -- including home games against Minnesota and Golden State -- dropping from No. 5 and a matchup with someone its own size, to No. 8 and the Lakers.

"We didn't give them much of a battle, knowing we have to play them again," said Utah Coach Jerry Sloan. "It looks pretty bleak. . . .

"They have a terrific team. They have guys who can pass the ball, do about anything you ask a team to do. They've got guys who can make big shots, who just know how to play the game, make the game look simple. . . .

"We're just like a little dent in the road, far as they're concerned. They're very comfortable playing against us and obviously should be."

This will no doubt light a fire under Utah's [expletive] but it will all be in vain because Utah can't cope outside their own walls, it's been a fact for years and it certainly isn't changing now.

Bend over and take it like men Jazz.

"If you could stop all the players that get publicized and all the players that the NBA likes and all the players, you know, the players that win the MVP's, you know, for their offense. And some of them, you know, play pretty good defense too. But some of them, you know, they like "this guy he can shoot, he can score, he can dunk." and I want to be the one to stop all those guys, you know, and just kinda spoil the whole party." - Ron Artest