Joke of the day

Every man needs a go-to joke.

Monday

Joke
N°
5256

My Wife's Better
Jake and his buddy Frank visit a brothel. Jake goes into the room with the prostitute first while Frank waits outside.
When he's done, Jake closes the door behind him and says: "Don't waste your time. My wife's better."
But Frank goes in anyway. When he emerges 15 minutes later, he shakes his head in disappointment and says: "Damn, Jake, you were right. Your wife is better."
Ryan Murphy

Tuesday

Joke
N°
5257

Would You Like To Dance?
A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says: "Would you like to dance?"
The girl says: "I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't dance with you."
The guy says: "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants."
Ryan Murphy

Wednesday

Joke
N°
5258

Looking For Trouble
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing-eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head.
The manager runs up to the man and shouts: "What are you doing?!"
The blind man replies: "Just looking around."
Ryan Murphy

Thursday

Joke
N°
5259

An Ounce Of Brains
A lawyer finds out he has an inoperable brain tumor. It's so large they have to do a brain transplant.
His doctor gives him a choice of available brains. There's a jar of rocket scientist brains for $10 an ounce, a jar of regular scientist brains for $15 an ounce, and a jar of lawyer brains for the sum of $800 an ounce.
The outraged lawyer says: "This is a rip off! Why are the lawyer brains are so damned expensive?"
The doctor replies: "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of brains?"
Ryan Murphy

Friday

Joke
N°
5260

Toast Of The Town
Patrick O'Malley hoisted his beer and said: "Here's to spending the rest of my life between the legs of me wife!"
And with that he took home the top prize for the best toast of the night.
In bed later that night, he told his wife: "Mary, I won the prize for the best toast of the night."
She said: "Aye, Paddy, what was your toast?"
So he told her: "Here's to spending the rest of my life sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh," she said, "that is very nice, dear."
The next day, Mary ran into one of Paddy's drinking partners in the street.
Mischievously, the man said: "Did you hear about your husband winning a prize in the pub the other night for a toast about you, Mary?"
She replied: "Aye, and I was a bit surprised. Till now, he's only been down there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
Ryan Murphy

Saturday

Joke
N°
5261

Meat Shortage
Four guys are walking down the street: a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean and a New Yorker.
A reporter runs up to them and says: "Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?"
The Saudi says: "Excuse me, what's a shortage?"
The Russian says: "Excuse me, what's meat?"
The North Korean says: "Excuse me, what's an opinion?"
The New Yorker says: "Excuse me? What's excuse me?"
Ryan Murphy

Sunday

Joke
N°
5262

The Value Of Pie
A man walks past a bar and sees a sign that reads: "Pies 50 cents, hand jobs $1."
He goes in and sees the most gorgeous barmaid he's ever laid his eyes upon.
He says: "Are you the one who gives hand jobs for a dollar?"
"Yep," she says.
"Well wash your hands then, I want a pie."
Ryan Murphy