Home-shopping etiquette

Judith Martin Miss Manners

March 12, 2008|Judith Martin

Dear Miss Manners: I hosted one of those home shopping parties for a group of friends, and needless to say, I had a very good turnout. However, I noticed that a close relative didn't purchase anything.

I know you shouldn't have to feel obligated to buy anything at these functions; however, I have attended several home parties for her in the past, and I felt that it was not courteous not to support your host.

Later on, a few of my girlfriends and I had a separate discussion on whether you should have to buy something from these types of parties. One girlfriend's response was that no, you shouldn't, while the other friend's reply was that you should buy at least something since the host is supplying food and drinks.

With these two quite different responses, I have become confused on how I should handle the situation with my relative that didn't buy anything. Should I be annoyed and therefore not go to any of her forthcoming parties?

What do you think would be the correct courtesy going forward at these types of parties? We all know that they have the "gang" mentality pressured into them.

Gentle Reader: And your complaint is that the gang mentality didn't kick in to make your relative feel obligated to buy something she didn't want?

Miss Manners asks you to bear in mind that when you give such a gathering, you should be acting as a saleswoman who incidentally serves refreshments, not a social hostess who incidentally embarrasses her guests into spending money they would not otherwise spend. A respectable salesperson presents and touts the opportunity to buy but does not bludgeon potential customers into paying for things they do not want.

A reason not to invite this relative to a shopping party would be that she is not interested in the kind of merchandise you are selling. For the same reason, and not to punish her, you needn't attend hers.