Super Ripped Jeans Need To Die A Horrible Death.

Listen, we all aren’t strangers to a good ripped jean – a couple of cuts across the knees, maybe a couple of added slices and distressed parts here and there. That’s fine, that’s cool, hell even the bad gal cut just under the butt cheek is werqing. There comes to a point, however, like with most things (e.g. Azaelia Bank’s career) where things get a little out of hand and someone needs to pull the breaks on it. I’m taking it upon myself to be that person: super ripped jeans need to die.

Super ripped jeans have to go…

What is the point!? What’s the point of essentially a pair of jean shorts with a tail of fabric wafting around the back of your legs!? Because with the amount that some of these ripped jeans just strangely HAVE MISSING, there’s just billowing pieces of denim clinging on for dear life trying to keep the “jean” in place. Are the back of your legs weirdly cold compared to the front? If yes, then you need to get yourself checked out and if no, then you literally have no excuse other than you were under the influence of something at the time of purchase. Just wear shorts, please, I beg of you. I’m trying my best to come up with ideas as to what this mutation of everyone’s favourite fashion item is trying to achieve – surely with the holes, it would create a bit of a wind tunnel, billowing around your legs like a parachute…even more unattractive.

You know what? Maybe I’ve got this all wrong – maybe this jean is just the result of a regular pair of ripped jeans but your foot keeps catching on the rips making them bigger and bigger? That has to be it because surely no person in their right mind would actually buy these…like surely…right!?