11 year old girl sassyness

Jenna - posted on 05/28/2012
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I have an 11 year old daughter, who has a serious sassy mouth. When she was little she was sooooo easy (I know i was lucky) But as time has gone on her sassyness is getting worse!! I really dont know how to stop the sassy mouth that my husband and I get. We have taken things away and even grounded her but nothing seems to change. We seriously do not let her get away with being sassy but it just seems that she really dose not think she is being sassy and that we are crazy and that it is not going to change. All I ever get is that its her age, but I see it getting worse and I need to stop it now!! If you have advise I need it ASAP!! Thanks for your help.

P.S She also thinks that she is at the same level as us, we yell at her then she can too its only fair. I need help she is a only child.

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S. - posted on 05/29/2012

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I just shut my daughter down I say "don't speak to me like that" and send her to her room as it was getting to the point I was sinking to her level and arguing back with her. In my experience you won't stop it they will just grow up and I honestly don't think my daughter knows when she's doing it. She's 13 now!

Sassy talk drives me batty! Is she smart for her age? My daughter (almost 5) thinks she's bigger and more on our level. We are working on this. I have also worked with older kids. Here are a few suggestions:

Tell her you can't understand her when she uses that tone of voice.

Tell her you won't listen to that tone of voice. When she chooses to speak appropriately, you are more than ready to listen to her.

(My mom always threatened to record me and play it back so I could hear what I sounded like.)

Earning privileges or items may work better than taking things away. (Though I've used both)Try a point system. So many points for appropriate conversations. She can't lose any earned, but doesn't earn any for a smart mouth. Then when she earns so many points she can "buy" privileges. These can be TV time, a movie, a trip to a favorite spot, an activity, etc. She may even want to choose special time with you playing a game or hanging out.

Set boundaries and stick with them. You may want to check out Magic 1-2-3. It gives tips on how to calmly stop obnoxious behavior and how to start the positive ones you want. It takes the "fight" out of boundaries because they are set rules and you can refer back to them.

It's important to TRY to remain calm. If you get dragged over into the "red zone" (borrowed from How to Raise Your Spirited Child), you both end up fighting and upset.