The long-running war between the celebrity-obsessed activists at PETA and the tiny fur-obsessed Olsen Twins makes Cruise v. Shields scrap look like the Anglo-Zanzibar War in comparison. In the past, we’ve tended to laugh along as PETA got huffy at the tiny millionaires every time they insisted on draping themselves in the former coats of lions, tigers and bears during August heat waves, but a statement from the borderline bestiality fan group released today has us wondering which is worse: designing a (generally critically praised) collection including fur, or catty threats viciously aimed at the pair:

”Thin-twins Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are about to get some publicity that will have them running away faster than if they'd spotted a calorie...As the Olsen twins prepare to celebrate their 22nd birthday this Friday, they'll be getting some unusual 'gifts' in the mail... from countless young people who object to cruelty to animals.”

What the Olsens’ birthday present(s) will be from PETA and why, after the jump.

Rather than sending a months-long supply of trendy Detox lemon and maple syrup drinks to their 24/7 New York party palace, the animal lovers have recruited their junior committee, known as Peta2, to chop off their granola-laced dreadlocks and ship them to Casa Olsens by the truckload. As the LAT reports, the group's site has "posted a 'mission' on its highly trafficked web site, Peta2.com, urging young people to send the fur-wearing twins snippets of their own hair along with a note that reads, 'Please, use my hair instead of the animals.'" As brilliant and crafty as PETA may deem their master plan, we suspect the improvisational fashionistas will prune with delight after receiving the massive human hair delivery. Judging from their bizarre sartorial decisions in the past, look out for human hair earrings, human hair buttons and ties made out of narly dreadlock braids to appear on the pages of Vogue next month.