Evolution of a Lover

Charles Darwin spoke of the evolution of men…it’s time we took it one step further to discuss the Evolution of a Lover!

We all start somewhere. All falter at one point or another in our relationships. All wonder what we should do to become the ultimate lover so the one we adore will never stray, never want, and will always turn to us to fulfill his needs. We all lament what we would do different if we merely had another chance to prove our love when the love affair is over. In order to overcome our shortcomings and the pitfalls which await us on every new relationships, we need to learnt that a Lover isn’t created “after the fact” but “during the act”.

Below are eight simple steps which will help you become the kind of lover he’ll fight to hold onto forever.

90-day Rule – Everything in life is a goal we wish to achieve. Relationships are no different. Setting a timeline for a relationship allows you to ensure it’s moving in the right direction. The 90-day Rule works like this: you promise yourself that you will give this relationship your all. This means you’ll allow yourself to be vulnerable, open-minded, accepting of those things which you can be, adventurous, and loving. At the end of 90 days, you will make one of three choices: (1) Stay with him because it’s working; (2) Enter counseling or find some way of improving the relationship giving it an additional 90-days to improve; or (3) Say good-bye. If you decide to stay with him, your 90-day clock starts again. The 90-day Rule avoids the complacency many couples fall into where six months, five years, even twenty years down the road they’re still arguing over the same issues and wonder why they’re still together. The 90-day Rule also eliminates the on-again/off-again relationships, where you wonder “if only I’d been more….or done more…or given more” we’d still be together. The 90-day Rule requires you to do it now. If the relationship doesn’t work out, you’ll know you’ve given it your all. Yes, being in a relationship like this makes you feel vulnerable and may scare some males away, however, it’ll ensure you’re true to yourself and achieve the level of commitment you want with your lover.

Mentor your lover – Teach him what you like. Lead by example. If you can’t verbalize what you want, guide his hand, his mouth, his sex to where you need it most. Answer him honestly when he asks if you like it. Never fake an orgasm! Doing so denies him the ability to become the kind of lover you need and the lover he wants to be for you. Teach him that love is about being vulnerable and adventurous. Become the Sensual Scientist exploring his body. Find out if your lips thrill him in the same way when you nibble gently on his lower lip or if it feels different when you nibble the same way along his chest. Does a stroke along his stomach make him quiver in the same way a stroke along other parts of his body does? Have him keep his hands above his head as you explore, making this exploration be about learning his body. He can always whisper in your ear or shout it out begging for more as you continue. Allow yourself to become the Sensual Scientist you’ve always dreamt of being but feared becoming. It’s ok if you’re shy. Just smile, giggle if you wish. Practice is so much fun.

Communication – It’s not just telling him what upsets you and how he can avoid pitfalls in your relationship, it’s telling him how you feel about him. It’s emphazing what works and finding solutions for what doesn’t. It’s swallowing your pride, your fear, and being vulnerable despite your apprehension of possible rejection. It’s sharing your desires and sexual kinks, and opening the door for him to share his. You don’t need to accept everything. However, explore possibilities of how you could tweak those desires which meant the most and coming up with a viable solution to enable you to explore; even if you have to re-tweak it a few times before it’ll be comfortable for you to do—or perhaps you both discover it should remain a fantasy. You never know, it might turn out to be the most erotic experience of your life or an activity which fills a void you didn’t know existed. Make it a habit to talk about your desires, needs, and yourself as an individual once a week. Combine it with a walk along the shore or a romantic dinner. After all, you’re not the same person you were last week or last year; neither is he. Learn your partner anew every week. He may just surprise you by sharing more of himself with you.

Spontaneity – There’s a misconception that if you tell your lover what you want he’ll never be spontaneous. The truth is, if you share what you desire with your lover, he’ll make it come true! Just because you say you want him to grab you, pin you to the wall, and make rough passionate love to you like a marauding Pirate doesn’t mean you’ll know exactly what he’ll do, when he’ll do it, nor how he’ll make that role his own. It’s like reading the critic’s comment of a movie, just because you know what it’s about, doesn’t mean you know about all those wonderful action scenes or the way your heart will beat with excitement. Share your script with your lover and create your own motion picture.

Dress up – Yes, it is dressing how he likes…though I never said you had to go outside! We all have our own fetish. The image of what turns us on and how we’d like our lover to look. Share with him his desires that he may share yours. So what if he wants you to dress like a slut or a catholic school cutie. Let him play the seductive stranger or the naughty next door neighbor; after all, you’re the one that will reap the benefits of his lusty fantasies. Who knows, you might even like it. Besides, it’ll become your naughty little secret and those are always so much fun. Soon it’ll be your turn to have him dress for you.

Physical Health – We all want the perfect body, though realistically, we merely need to accept the ones we have to be truly happy. The major advantage of being in shape isn’t that you look great, but that you’ll have the stamina to last longer and get into all those positions you wanted to try. It’s having the energy to enjoy sex that isn’t limited to laying back and letting him do all the work after fifteen minutes. Being in shape gives you the stamina that you need to have marathon love sessions anywhere you desire including the shower, the kitchen table, or having the ability to wrap your legs around him while he presses you into the wall, or you thrusting into him over and over until you loss touch with reality and float above the clouds with a mind blowing orgasm. And don’t forget your sexual health includes toning your vagina to better and longer orgasms. By toning your pubococcyxogeal (PC) muscle, you’ll be able to increase your orgasmic pleasure and his as well. This is where you hold him tightly inside you. A secret held in many Spiritual practices. To strengthen your PC muscle simply tighten the muscles in your vagina for a count of four then release for a count of four. Perform three sets of eight, three times a day and you’ll soon be souring in the clouds every time you make love.

Be Adventurous – The old dictates of being a good-girl are over. You’re a woman now! The only limits you have are the ones you place on yourself. You can make love as often as you wish, have a one-night stand, explore new positions, go to kinky clubs, and if you’re daring and adventurous enough, even try two lovers at once. The only one stopping you is you. You are your own “Thought Police”. Isn’t it about time they had the night off? Perhaps a few months vacation? And if you find you don’t like something, fine, cross it off your list and move on. Read books, rent erotic videos, go to kinky clubs, explore the wilder edge of sexuality such as BDSM or dominance and submission. Take a class on erotic massage or pole dancing. The possibilities are endless. It’s better to sit in your rocking chair laughing about the “wild things” you did than lamenting over the adventures you were too scared to enjoy.

Sexual Positions – Realistically speaking approximately 90% of us cannot get into the majority of the sexual positions we see in the sex manuals and various books on the market. This reality often makes you feel inferior or inadequate. Hey, I’m lucky if I can balance enough to lift one leg up and fix my shoe without tipping over. I’m just not coordinated enough for that. Not to mention, some individuals have physical limitations due to illnesses, back problems, surgeries, pregnancy, etc. It’s why I teach only seven basic sexual positions every woman should know in my book, The Latina Kama Sutra. Through these sexual positions everyone can explore which ones give them the most thrill and the best orgasm at the time whether it’s having your lover behind you spooning into you like in Adorar or whether it’s you sinking into him, straddling his waist as he lays back and explores your body in La Diosa position. Perhaps you want to be la little more adventurous and allow him El Entrego, letting him enter your body through another erotic avenue that few explore. Or perhaps, it’s tasting him and having him taste you in return as you savor the pleasures using Del Corazon; just to mention a few.

Sex is about pleasure, adventure and fulfillment. Expand your imagination and discover all the possibilities which lay awaiting your discovery. Evolve into the lover you’ve only dared to dream. Whisper your desires that lover may soar in the heavens with you and hold you tightly when you return to earth. Life is about change. When will your evolution begin? If not now, when?