Welcome to our site dedicated to victims of infidelity. If you are looking to join an infidelity forum, or a local support group, please see the sidebar for relevant links. PLEASE READ THIS REMINDER : When leaving comments, do not include your personal details (real name, phone number, email, facebook, or real life address). We do moderate the comments, and sadly blogger does not allow us to edit out your personal details, so if you would like to be able to display your comments, do not include the above info or we will not post it for your own privacy. Posting your ex-husband / wife / boyfriend / girlfriend's personal information because they cheated on you is NOT ALLOWED. Also, please do your own research on state laws before using any spy tools, we will not give you legal advice. All information provided is for educational purposes only.

Cheating Spouse Archive Search

Best Way To Hurt Cheating Spouse

The majority of the emails, and comments that I do not publish share this theme, "What is the best way to hurt a cheating spouse?". My answer is simple, and it will always be my answer so do not email or ask in the comments again, please. Not trying to be a snob, I explain why I don't want to answer it again below.

Best Way To Hurt A Cheating Spouse

The best way to hurt a cheating spouse is by moving on and completely forgetting about them. Why? Because you are showing them that they aren't worth your time and you can forget about it and move on, easily. I know it's not easy, but that's what you want them to think. That's as much effort as you should exert to "hurt your spouse". Leave them, and leave them quick. Act like you aren't affected.

If you decide to stay with your spouse after an affair, then you need to stop this line of thinking because hurting your spouse back will not contribute to anything but the destruction of your relationship. If you want to have an affair yourself because your spouse had an affair, you may as well just end your relationship today and save both of you the time it would take to pretend you're in a relationship. Once you start thinking like this, your relationship is officially over.

Here are some WRONG reasons to stay in a relationship :

Fear of being alone
Probably one of the most common reasons why you would make your cheating husband stay with you. This is less seen in men because when women hit a certain age, it gets harder for them to find mates, while men just go for the younger women most of the time. Think about it, how often have you seen an older woman with a younger man? That's what I thought.

This is the way most of society think, and it's also the cause of so many bad relationships in my opinion. You should change the way you think about it to "Why would I stay with my cheating spouse and be miserable, when I can just be single". There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single, it's a lot better to be single than to be in a miserable relationship.

For the children
I completely disagree with forcing yourself to stay in a relationship just "for the sake of the children". Sometimes I don't even believe it when people say that they stuck with their bad relationships for the children's sake.

Why? Because why would you want your child to grow up seeing you miserable? Do you think your kid will not notice? You can still give your child the best life you can give without degrading your own life by maintaining a relationship with someone that has abused your trust. More importantly, you do not want your child to grow up with a cheater as a role model, so it would actually make things worse if you stick to your relationship just for the sake of your child growing up in a "functional" / traditional family. You're lying to yourself if you think that.

Financial Support
Sometimes a spouse that is being cheated on will stay in their relationship simply because they have no other choice. I don't agree with this as well because you can always get a job. Sure your life won't be as easy as it was when you were being financially supported, but you won't have to be a slave.

You won't need to depend on someone for money, and you'll stop taking abusive actions such as your spouse cheating on you. Can't find a job yet? Go ask help from your family. It's never right to stay in a relationship just for the sake of money.

"True Love"
"True Love" is just another lie you tell yourself to stick to your relationship. True love to me is when your spouse is completely honest, and loyal to you, and you reciprocate. You get what you give, you can't just keep on giving and one day expect them to change because it's "true love".

That only happens in the movies. If your spouse cheated on you, they will continue to cheat on you until you catch them cheating or the person they are cheating on you with dumps them. Then they'll probably continue cheating, with someone else. No amount of "true love" can fix a relationship where only one person contributes.

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Yes, I'm blunt, I know. This isn't how I talk in regular conversation nor am I trying to be rude; this is how I talk to people that need to hear the truth, not hear what they want to hear. If you are currently suspecting your spouse of cheating on you, you need to snap out of that delusional phase and act. Here are some common problems with solutions linked.

Suspect husband is cheating, but can't prove it?
Everything you need to know to catch a cheating spouse is provided in the guide found on this site, for free. You have no excuse for not trying to catch your spouse cheating because we literally list down dozens of ways to catch a cheating spouse, and most of the paid ways to catch them cheating are supported by free alternatives. We will never recommend freeware to you, I'll post why when I have more time. Short answer is personal details and identity theft.

Do you already know that your husband or wife is cheating?
Then go to marriage counseling and begin working to repair the damage infidelity has done. Find a couples retreat that focuses on infidelity. Go google "marriage counseling *yourlocatiohere*" to find a local marriage counselor.

Don't have marriage counseling nearby, don't have enough money to pay for marriage counseling?
Take an online eCourse and stop making excuses or wonder how to save your marriage (online eCourse link) when all the answers are already given to you. STILL don't want to do that? Go to the forum linked below and talk to people in similar situations and ask for advice, or post on the cheating spouse stories page. You already took the first step by being on this website, now go start a plan on how to save your marriage, and follow through.

Don't look for reasons to delay the process, things like wanting to hurt your husband or wife back are not productive and will cause you more stress than help save your marriage. You might even begin to hate yourself because infidelity has changed you and your life so much. I know it's tough but you need to force yourself to deal with the problem.

Feel free to send us an email (found at the contact page), or join the surviving infidelity forums. It's free, anonymous, helps you vent and eases the pain of dealing with infidelity alone. Reading experiences from other individuals going through exactly the same troubles as you are is a great resource you should take advantage of.

Forgive the delays in moderation of comments here, and posts on the forum. If you would like to help out in the forum, I could request moderator status so you can help with the screening and approval of forum posts. Life is tough right now for my husband and I, we just moved and are still trying to settle in.

Good luck and I truly wish you the best, remember to seek support from the forum or contact us directly. Doing it alone is a lot tougher that you think.

Helpful Links

If you're 100% sure that your friend is cheating on their spouse, would you tell their spouse?

Would you sacrifice your happiness and stay in a disfunctional marriage for your children's sake?

Ways To Take Action

National Domestic Violence Hotline (US Only)
If your spouse is physically, sexually or emotionally abusive, or you know of someone who is being abused, talk to them and make them call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Government trained counselors will give you advice and help you select from all the available local programs you can join for dealing with domestic violence. Help is available in more than 139 languages. Don't be afraid to "out" your abusive spouse, especially if you are a man being emotionally abused.
http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/help-in-your-area/

Surviving Infidelity Forum
Vent your infidelity problems. This is another huge help in your recovery. Let others know of your problems, and how you've dealt with it, as well as listen to their stories. Our forum is moderated, and allows you to be anonymous. We don't tolerate spammers and flamers. Update 2014: Due to large amounts of spam, we've frozen both forums. It's almost impossible to keep up with the spam unless we get volunteer mods. You can still leave comments on either blogs.
http://howtocatchacheatinghusband.blogspot.com/p/forum.html

Join a support group
Alcoholics have alcoholics anonymous, victims of infidelity have anonymous infidelity support groups. Being a former attendee, and Mike being a former coordinator, we believe this to be a huge help in recovering from an affair. This is not only limited to Americans, search the list of countries here.
http://www.beyondaffairs.com/BAN/cities.htm