'The struggle of living with a name like mine'

By Cathrine Mahoney| 1 year ago

Names have always been a 'thing' for me.

It started way back in 1974 on Christmas morning: I was a week early, I popped out fully cooked before the turkey roasting in the oven did, and my folks decided I was Cathrine without an 'e'. This decision has caused me years of grief, and ever since I was old enough I’ve had to correct the spelling of my name.

The past 35 or so years have gone a bit like this: “No, that’s right, no ‘e’ in the middle. I know it’s an unusual way to spell it. You’ve never seen it spelt like that? Me neither—oh except once in a cemetery on a grave stone dating back to the 1800s. Just write Cath, that’s fine.”

Full of euphoria (and maybe too much mulled wine) at becoming first-time parents, I'm sure they didn’t realise the amount of missing emails this unusual spelling would lead to. I bet my bottom dollar that had Tom Hardy spelt my name without an ‘e’, I wouldn’t have missed the email he sent asking me out on a date. Damn you, cruel world.

My surname also came with ‘baggage’ and caused plenty of playground ribbing. Anyone around in the '80s would be familiar with both the Police Academy movies as well as the My Little Pony toy range – both brought me years of ear-grief.

Thanks to Steve Guttenberg’s character in Police Academy I spent most of my youth being called ‘Cadet Mahoney’, or having the My Little Pony theme tune (with 'Cathrine Mahoney' replacing 'My Little Pony') sang at me. Good times.

Then there was the ongoing conjecture around how I pronounce my name. Hailing from the north of England, we say Ma-hone-knee in a sing-song Geordie way; however, as my high school history teacher Mr Herbert liked to say (almost every sodding week), it should be pronounced the Irish way: Ma-knee.

Now, it wasn't stubbornness or hanger that saw me wanting to hang on to the old name; this was career-related, too. As a publicist with half of my work taking place over email, my name was important—people knew me as Mahoney and would open a ‘pitch’ email from me.

After the wedding high faded (along with my Bora Bora honeymoon tan), the chat started about me taking my husband's name. I got my side over the line and I remained ‘Cadet Mahoney’. Then I got pregnant and the name chat reappeared.
I finally conceded. I wanted the three of us to share the same surname.

So began the pain-in-the-arse process of changing all of the bank accounts, credit card, gym membership, loyalty cards, Medicare card and work email address. And again, I seemed to have a drama with my name. I thought having a strong, traditional, straightforward name like ‘Johns’ was a no-brainer. What could go wrong?

Well, whenever I gave my name while booking a restaurant on the phone, or ordering takeaway (remember before delivery apps when you actually had to phone in your food order?!) the person on the other end heard ‘Jones’. Even in my clearest BBC British accent they couldn’t get what I was saying.

“No, it's Johns.”
“Jones?”
“No, J-o-h-n-s. I’ll spell it.”
Arghhh! So when they asked how to spell Cathrine, I would just say however they want to spell it would be fine.

As is sadly often the case these days, my husband and I didn’t live happily ever after. No, he didn’t get eaten by a crocodile, we just got divorced. I can’t speak for others going through this situation, but for me, in among the pain and turmoil of a separation, I COULD NOT wait to get my name back.

WATCH: Why divorce can be the best thing for you. (Post continues.)

I thought you needed to wait for a divorce, but apparently you just need your birth and marriage certificates. Some cards (and of course work email addresses) can be changed easily – others are a pain and I had just spent a fortune on a 10-year passport so some things stayed in my married name.

One aspect that was super easy to change was social media. Note to anyone else going through the early stages of a separation: changing social media names is also a great way to share your new status without having to explain your marriage has gone tits-up to every man and their dog.

So, as it stands, four years back to being ‘Mahoney’ my life (and wallet) is still a mish-mash of maiden and married names. I take potluck when I have to call up to talk to one of the many accounts I hold (house insurance, car insurance, healthcare, etc) as to which name they have on their system for me.

I wonder if Prince went through something similar as he went from Prince, to that symbol thing, back to Prince.

One thing I have to remember is, when booking flights, my passport is still in my married name—a ticket in the wrong surname comes with a hefty price tag to change it at the airport. Trust me, I know. Speaking of travel, arrival cards or filling out any forms that require you to give your title also sends me into a spin.

As The Who sang, ‘Who are you?/Do, do, do do/I really want to know!’ Yes, Pete Townsend, so do I. Once divorced, do I circle Ms, Mrs or Miss? I have no idea. Sod it—‘Doctor’ Mahoney it is, then.