From the journal of life – Sweet, Spicy and at times bitter..

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“What is the best thing about getting married?”. It was my boss. My marriage was just two weeks old, I blankly smiled at him and said that incoming salary will get doubled. All I wanted was to skip the subject. Ofcourse I was a happily married wife then, but because I did not know what was ‘good’ about marriage, the ‘best’ seemed to be too far to comment on.

“There isn’t anything best about getting married”, I used to think, “except for the initial excitement”. I was quite a pessimist then, esp. when it came to delicate subjects like married life. Hardly have I come across successful married lives, so I couldn’t expect something different to happen for me.

I was not quite interested in marriage. First of all that was the question everyone asked me after my graduation and I found nothing wrong in not getting married. I could not absorb the concept of trusting a stranger, and spending a lifetime with him. Second of all, I was quite happy with my life, my job and my friends around. I did not have a reason to get married. It was another tiresome ritual for me. Yeah!! Its true that there were times I used to feel a bit upset for nothing happening in my life, but they were all momentary. As soon as a favorite friend of mine drops in, I would be back to the cheerful girl. I was just trying to convince myself that I can happily go on like this, as long as my friends are around. There was always a question of how long they could find time for me, but I tried not to worry about that. Moreover, I tried to be my best with my present, rather than waiting for an uncertain ‘married-future’. Marriage, according to me, was the end of ‘my-self’, all my friends, living for an ‘us’, happily (at least pretending to be happy) accepting all the responsibilities, getting myself prepared to be questioned and being ready with answers for all my actions. So like the ‘girls’ of today, I stopped worrying about marriage, stopped dreaming about my partner, and got ready to accept anything that was coming along my way. Proposals were flooding in, but nothing really worked out. And me? I relaxed. The later, the better!!!

On the other side, there was a ‘vulnerable’ me. I was getting tired of the process too, and was even doubtful if there was something wrong with me. In course of time (over 4 yrs), I had almost developed a frozen feeling about all these ‘so-called-rituals’. Huh!! I hated them. Esp, when I had to travel all the way from Chennai to Kochi (almost 12-14 hrs) every two weeks, just to smile at one guy after another and to finally hear them saying ‘No’, I hated all of it. But then, I could not deny coming home. My parents had put in so much effort for all these. For their sake, I should. So now ‘getting married’ had become a responsibility. Needless to mention, I hated it to the core. But according to Kerala Muslim records, 25 yrs was too old and that raised too much of tension at home. It was as though, everyone wanted to get me married off. It was even worser, when I decided to go ahead with whatever they said. I did have a choice. My voice was always heard, unlike other muslim families, but I was too tired to raise my voice. I somehow wanted to get married and finish this off, whatever it be.

It was with this confused mindset, that I met Sayf. I was at a very comfortable zone, as soon as he opened the topic. I don’t really remember what we talked, but I enjoyed the friendly conversation. Like any other ‘pennukaanal’, I gave my parents a nod. Definitely, I had decided not to say a ‘No’, much much earlier than this. But unlike any other proposals, we got engaged in a couple of weeks. Wow!! I was engaged now and had 2 months for the wedding. Sayf had done a lot of lovely things. I enjoyed all of it, but inside I feared if it will last only till marriage. I tried my best to be myself, but I dint know whether the Sayf was. I feared the happiness might not last longer, so I tried to enjoy all of it to the best.

The first few weeks after marriage, I wondered if someone could be like him. The next few weeks, I began to admire him. The next, I tried to impress him. We had grown too close in no time. He had gained my trust in a few weeks. Now, as we crossed 3 years months of married life, I can honestly say that I have enjoyed every minute of it. I have started believing that good things can happen to me too. Nothing has really change after marriage. We are still the same two individuals who met on June’07. Am still in touch with all my favourite friends, am living life my own way, because Sayf has just become a part of me. And now, I realize that marriage is about someone whom you can call your OWN. It is about, making your life better. I would have never known life could be lived in a much much better way than it used to be, if I had not married Sayf. It is about, rushing everything @ office at a haste, and to run to the one waiting for you. It is about enjoying the feeling that someone really care for you. I do not worry about married life now, because Sayf is not a stranger anymore. For that matter, he never was. It is the pessimist inside who insisted to believe that nothing good can happen to me. Sayf is my luck, my belief, my trust and every moment of our togetherness matters to me a lot. His very looks, touch, words,… has all made a difference. He has taught me how to love, and he has helped to know how it is like to be loved. I feel on the top of the world, when he says am beautiful. And I will long every moment, to hear him say he loves me… I cant really explain the reason to get married, but my marriage has given me a reason to live …

Sayf, Life may have a lot of surprises for us in the years to come. Our lives may change with seasons, but please know that no mater what happens, I will always be there by your side. And now I know what the best thing about my marriage is.. Its you Sayf.. You are the best that could have ever happened to me. Just hold me close to your heart, as close as you can, all throughout and that is all I need to live….