Rick Perry’s energy plan: RUIN EVERYTHING

Rick Perry's not even gonna pretend he's interested in alternative energy — not even to wave his hands at ethanol for an ad that's running in Iowa. That's just not who he is, man! He's keeping it real. Ice cream.

No, Perry's plan, as described by Perry, goes pretty much like this:

Remove environmental regulations that would require him to not completely destroy everything.

Rip up every possible part of American land and sea in order to claw out the last shreds of oil and gas.

Mock the next Democratic president when he says the smoking wreckage wasn't his fault.

But it's all okay, because he'll create jobs! You won't be able to breathe while you do them, but that's a detail.