Yesterday, I went to two birthday parties for four year olds. Two in one day. Separated by enough time to go home take a deep breath and head back out again. Now, I’m not a creep. I had an a reason to be there. I was with my 3 and a half year old daughter. I’m happy that my daughter’s social schedule is so packed. It helps validate why me and the family returned to the Bay Area. But normally I wouldn’t be at both parties. Me and my wife would have roshambo’ed for who went to which party. Or we would’ve picked out parties based on the activities at the parties. (My wife would’ve loved the second one. It was at a gymnastics school.) We didn’t split the duties this time because our new daughter is two weeks old and my wife is currently embedded in breastfeeding.
Which brings me to why I’m writing. I am canceling some dates on the tour. I have no idea what I was thinking in booking such an aggressive schedule so soon after the birth of my second child. (Oh wait. I remember. I had no idea how hard this would be.) I guess I thought two kids would only be twice as hard. Two kids isn’t twice as hard anymore than getting hit by a second train right after the first train is twice as hard. So sorry, Kansas City, Des Moines, Omaha, Ferndale, and Cincinnati. I’ll be back soon when we have time to figure this all out. And when I’m (hopefully) going on more than five hours of sleep a night. I talked about this recently on the Pete Holmes podcast. I said when you are a comic and a parent, parenting takes up like 80% of your brain whereas before comedy could pretty much get all of it. Well with this second kid so far parenting has taken up 99%. She’s a greedy one, being all newly born and all.

Also — and this doesn’t sound cool or funny I know — but I like my family and this seems like an important time to be there. Going nearly three weeks without being home seems more than crazy. It seems dumb.

So please forgive me Kansas City, Des Moines, Omaha, Ferndale, and Cincinnati. I fucked up and I need to scale back some. I still love you. I just love my family more.