The Anthony-Weiner-Scandal-Related Pseudonym More Hilarious Than “Carlos Danger”

The New York Timesscored (!) a one-on-one (!) with Nik Richie, TheDirty.com proprietor and America’s current top political journalist. Thumbs (and other appendages) up for you, Grey Lady!

Richie revealed to the paper that “his Web site would publish new and embarrassing information about the relationship in the coming days.” Note that is the very same tactic with which Edward Snowden middleman Glenn Greenwald successfully dominated the news cycle from mid-May until an English couple had a baby.

The recipient of Anthony Weiner’s most recently discovered genital portrait, one Sydney Elaine Leathers, reportedly told Richie that the insanely narcissistic mayoral candidate “had told her he loved her and discussed the possibility of securing a place for them to meet in Chicago.” Chicago, naturally—a city celebrated for its impressive shrines to phalli. “Meet me at the tip of the enormous, penis-shaped building,” we imagine Weiner—ahem, Carlos Danger—instructing her in some sort of unwanted pornographic re-interpretation of Sleepless in Seattle.

As for Richie’s promised “new and embarrassing information,” Weiner can always fight back by pointing out that “Carlos Danger” is not the dumbest pseudonym involved in this pseudo story. The Daily Beast notes that “Nik Richie” is itself a pen name, “a twist on Paris Hilton’s sidekick, Nicole Richie,” belonging to a 35-year-old New Jersey–bred gentleman named with the given name of “Hooman Karamian.” Before adopting the “Nik Richie” appellation, Karamian went by [pauses to compose self] “Corbin Grimes,” an apparent twist on . . . let’s say, a Disney starlet’s line of streetwear-inspired denim for heavyset tweens? No, no—a cowboy who’s also a baby. Wait no: a 90s-era MTV V.J. who recently tipped offUs Weekly about his own rehab stint but has yet to see his troubles with cocaine hit the newsstand.