Author
Topic: "Babies having babies!" (Read 41589 times)

Even if the busybodies who tell people off actually are saying it to the child's parent - what is the point in saying anything to them? Seriously, it's not like the parent can do anything about it now!

This exact comment was made to my mother about me when I was in labor at the hospital. The person who said it? My nurse.

I'm not saying that this was a polite comment by the nurse - but she wasn't assuming anything. You were clearly in labour, and your age would have been right there on the hospital chart.

When teenagers are giving birth, the hospital is completely in the right if they ask about future baby-care plans, is the father going to provide any support, financial issues etc. They would need to know whether to refer the case to hospital social workers.

I never said she was making assumptions, but I am not a baby. Calling me one is rude.

However, the theme of the thread was the assumption - that any teenager who was caring for an infant/toddler was the child's mother. Many times, that is simply not the case.

I guess I am not understanding. Are you saying that because she knew that I was a teenage parent that she has a right to make a comment about "babies having babies"? I dont think that comment is acceptable in any scenario.

I think it's a rude statement even if the teenager in question actually IS the mother of the small child. I've also heard the statement used even if the parents are not teenagers, but are considered to be just as immature by the person saying this.

I already acknowledged, upthread, that it was not a polite thing to say. However, there was no assumption.

You know I think perhaps this comment could sometimes be taken as an " I'm getting old comment." My grandmother made it when my cousin (27 years) had her child. My grandmother knew my cousin was older, married, responsible etc. She said it because " Whats the world coming to, my babies, babies are having babies...."

This exact comment was made to my mother about me when I was in labor at the hospital. The person who said it? My nurse.

I'm not saying that this was a polite comment by the nurse - but she wasn't assuming anything. You were clearly in labour, and your age would have been right there on the hospital chart.

When teenagers are giving birth, the hospital is completely in the right if they ask about future baby-care plans, is the father going to provide any support, financial issues etc. They would need to know whether to refer the case to hospital social workers.

I never said she was making assumptions, but I am not a baby. Calling me one is rude.

However, the theme of the thread was the assumption - that any teenager who was caring for an infant/toddler was the child's mother. Many times, that is simply not the case.

I guess I am not understanding. Are you saying that because she knew that I was a teenage parent that she has a right to make a comment about "babies having babies"? I dont think that comment is acceptable in any scenario.

I think it's a rude statement even if the teenager in question actually IS the mother of the small child. I've also heard the statement used even if the parents are not teenagers, but are considered to be just as immature by the person saying this.

I already acknowledged, upthread, that it was not a polite thing to say. However, there was no assumption.

But I never said there was an assumption. Even if the other stories involved assumptions, I never said or suggested that mine did. I also didn't get the impression that only stories involving assumptions were welcome.

Well, it is posted in the "interesting assumption" folder, and the OP is about an interesting assumption, so I don't think it's unreasonable to assume that the discussion is about the assumption and not the reality.

Logged

"I've never been a millionaire, but I just know I'd be darling at it." - Dorothy Parker

This exact comment was made to my mother about me when I was in labor at the hospital. The person who said it? My nurse.

I'm not saying that this was a polite comment by the nurse - but she wasn't assuming anything. You were clearly in labour, and your age would have been right there on the hospital chart.

When teenagers are giving birth, the hospital is completely in the right if they ask about future baby-care plans, is the father going to provide any support, financial issues etc. They would need to know whether to refer the case to hospital social workers.

I never said she was making assumptions, but I am not a baby. Calling me one is rude.

However, the theme of the thread was the assumption - that any teenager who was caring for an infant/toddler was the child's mother. Many times, that is simply not the case.

I guess I am not understanding. Are you saying that because she knew that I was a teenage parent that she has a right to make a comment about "babies having babies"? I dont think that comment is acceptable in any scenario.

I think it's a rude statement even if the teenager in question actually IS the mother of the small child. I've also heard the statement used even if the parents are not teenagers, but are considered to be just as immature by the person saying this.

I already acknowledged, upthread, that it was not a polite thing to say. However, there was no assumption.

But I never said there was an assumption. Even if the other stories involved assumptions, I never said or suggested that mine did. I also didn't get the impression that only stories involving assumptions were welcome.

I would say the nurse was making some assumptions even if SiotehCat was a teenager when she gave birth. Calling her a "baby having a baby" seems to make the implication that she's an irresponsible child who slept around without using protection and will no doubt become a burden to her parents and/or society since she's too young to properly raise the child. Or am I making an interesting assumption?

Well, it is posted in the "interesting assumption" folder, and the OP is about an interesting assumption, so I don't think it's unreasonable to assume that the discussion is about the assumption and not the reality.

I didn't realize that all of our reponses had to be about interesting assumptions. I thought it meant that the original topic would be about an interesting assumption.

Do all of the responses have to be about interesting assumptions now too? I can delete my post if that is the case. I didn't know.

I would say the nurse was making some assumptions even if SiotehCat was a teenager when she gave birth. Calling her a "baby having a baby" seems to make the implication that she's an irresponsible child who slept around without using protection and will no doubt become a burden to her parents and/or society since she's too young to properly raise the child. Or am I making an interesting assumption?

I agree. It's just a judgmental thing to say, especially when you don't know the person at all, or the circumstances surrounding the baby's conception.

Logged

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

You know I think perhaps this comment could sometimes be taken as an " I'm getting old comment." My grandmother made it when my cousin (27 years) had her child. My grandmother knew my cousin was older, married, responsible etc. She said it because " Whats the world coming to, my babies, babies are having babies...."

This is true too--I know sometimes I forget how old I am and therefore how old other people are. For example, my youngest sister is ten years my junior and three years ago she got married, at 20. Young, but not scandalously so, kwim? But when I first got the news, my thought was "CRUD MONKEYS!!!! She can't be getting married, she's what, 13?" Because in my head I'm always about 23.

On Monday I mentioned to our school Chaplain I'd seen a child running across the road in front of a bunch of cars up at the high school while I was dropping my son off. She then proceed to remark on his behaviour and "issues" and then told me he's the oldest and there's a younger brother with really low self esteem. And there's two girls but they seem to be well adjusted.

The reason these kids have issues apparently? Their mother was a teenage mum. I bit my tongue, working on the complete silence thingo, so she felt the need to further expand on it "she was a teenager when she had them"

I'm 32, I was dropping my 14yo off at the highschool. I kept my mouth FIRMLY shut. I wonder how long it'll take her to work out I was a teenage mum.

And I know the family this child is from, the issues are more likely to be from the gene pool than they are the mother's age when birthing.

On Monday I mentioned to our school Chaplain I'd seen a child running across the road in front of a bunch of cars up at the high school while I was dropping my son off. She then proceed to remark on his behaviour and "issues" and then told me he's the oldest and there's a younger brother with really low self esteem. And there's two girls but they seem to be well adjusted.

The reason these kids have issues apparently? Their mother was a teenage mum. I bit my tongue, working on the complete silence thingo, so she felt the need to further expand on it "she was a teenager when she had them"

I'm 32, I was dropping my 14yo off at the highschool. I kept my mouth FIRMLY shut. I wonder how long it'll take her to work out I was a teenage mum.

And I know the family this child is from, the issues are more likely to be from the gene pool than they are the mother's age when birthing.

I love the complete silence thing. Sometimes the offender takes the hint and shuts up. But occasionally they continue digging themselves into the hole.

Logged

Knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit.Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

this is happened to my sister, she is only 5 foot, was 25, married, with her first child on the way and as she was queuing in a store. some nasty woman said she was too young to be having a child. she doesn't look underage at all. but she took it as a compliment

as i was taking my (when he was born) nephew out i was only 15 and the looks i got, when i was pushing his pram. i wondered why. then i realised. at the time i looked about 12 and everyone assumed i was his mother!

My eldest aunt got this all the time when out with her youngest sister (17 years age difference). My youngest aunt was VERY vocal about stating "she's NOT my mom, she's my sister!" when people would comment.

I had the same when I accompanied my younger brother on a nursery school trip. He was 3 and I was 16, and I noticed fairly early on that none of the other mums were talking to me, but looking at me a lot - then talking quietly amongst themselves.

It wasn't until we all sat down for lunch, 3 hours later, that one of them finally asked me if I was the mother. When I said no, I was the sister, I was suddenly included in all the conversations and they didn't go quiet whenever I walked near to them. I had spent 3 hours being ostracised by a group of 15 older women who had made an assumption- and it was really intimidating!

It didn't occur to me until later that mum had never dropped my brother off - but that it was always my dad (45) that did, and so the women must have known him. What they must have thought about that... well, I don't like to think about it!

On the plus side, my mum - who was 41 when she had my brother - has never had any remarks about her being the grandmother, only ever the mother. Which is nice