Friday, March 31, 2006

MY BIGFEETS

Here's just some of my Sasquatch collection. Maybe one day I'll post pictures of all of them outside in a forest-setting so that you will get the chills and your marrow will turn to ash.

Japanese yeti takes on a classic pose.

8x10 glossy of Andre The Giant as the Bionic Bigfoot.

Britain's updated Action Man comes face-to-stinky-face with THE YETI! This is the "Arctic Raver Mission: The Search For The Yeti" I'd love to have the original 60's/70's version where the yeti is a plastic blob that's about knee-high to "Joe." If you ever see one of these knee-high yetis, RUN! Don't even think twice! Just get the hell out of there!!!!!

This is a vinyl dudesquatch that I got in Austin, TX. He's kind of a take on the Bionic Bigfoot from the Six-Million Dollar Man.

A hand-made plasterish Dr. Who Yeti from Britain, a Japanese vinyl Ultraman yeti creep and three plastic 'squatches from the far and icy shores of Nanaimo BC. I wish I still had the bags for these buggers. Craig? Do you still have yours?

Terrible. Just awful. The posing on this guy is grotesque and terrible. His splayed hands, terrible leg proportions, stupid face, huge right big-toe makes me want to destroy this "action figure" every time I look at it. TERRIBLE! BOO-URNS to the creators of this disasterpiece.

From Mezco's Cryptozoology line of figurines. He comes with a footprint and wears a loin cloth. If that doesn't up the "Wow!" factor I don't know what will!

This stupid fucking Bigfoot action figure comes with "ink-padded" feet so that you can make your own tiny footprints. One of the cool things about bigfoot is the fact that his feet are huge? Why minisculize your product by drawing attention to how small his feet actually are in comparison to the real thing? This figure's a dime-a-dozen and can be found pretty much anywhere. I found mine in Charlie Sheen's fridge beside his vodka-pickles. I thought to myself, "What's it doing here? Should I steal it? What if Charlie catches me? If he catches me he'll wanna punch me out!" Then the thought of us fighting in his kitchen got me excited so I swiped it! He was busy having three cigarettes in his gazeebo and didn't find out so we didn't fight. It's a rather dull and kind of boring story really. Nice gazeebo though. I'll try and steal that next.

This is awesome. I had this when I was a kid. It's an AMT snap-together model kit that's still shrink-wrapped. I can still remember the glow-in-the-dark goop, skull femur and maniacal eyes and teeth and when you lift the bigfoot off of the swamp-base, there are footprints in the "mud."

This japanese muscle-bound fuck-face caught me off-guard and I only had enough time to snap off one picture before it headed off into the fake hobby-shop woods!

This is a vinyl from Bigfoot One whose stuff is really awesome! I need to buy some more of his art. Here's the one and only print of his I have (which I still need to get framed dammit!!):

I remember watching the Sid and Marty Krofft Power Hour just for Bigfoot & Wildboy (also known as the poor-man's Chewbacca and Luke). I bet that costume stunk as bad as the real creature. I haven't tried this puzzle yet because I don't want to take it apart to find I can't get it back together again.

I spent an evening with Jim Belushi about a year ago and he had a bunch of these Jeep ads laying around as coasters on his milk-crate living room table. He was sitting in his lazyboy (trying to read the manual to a new washer/dryer combo unit he just picked up) when I asked him if I could have one. Over the half-lit cigar the Belush says to me "What are ya? Some kinda mooch?" When he fell asleep I took one.