Sharing a life of inner and outer journeys

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Tangential, Part 1

This morning, on a visit to Prescott Farmers Market, I spent a few minutes sitting on a bench, near where the guest musician was playing an acoustic version of Outkast’s “Hey Ya”, accenting the powerful words of the sometime party tune.

I began to get caught up in the presence of his delightful little family, noting his daughter’s interaction with a another little girl, about her age. As I smiled at a nearby vendor’s waving and goofing around with the singer’s infant son, the mother looked at me quizzically and I gave her the proper explanation, as to what was happening, before excusing myself and going off to finish my purchases for the day.

I was challenged, earlier this morning, as to having been short and to the point, in my communications of late. Simply put, I felt a lot of pressure this week, especially at work, with hard things happening to my team members, and a difficult person inserting herself into the classroom mix. I have no problems, in particular, with the person who sent the message this morning. We each are highly intuitive, but intuition, on a human level, is not foolproof. One’s own fears and challenges get mixed in, invariably. I take my own intuition with several grains of salt, and end up doing the same with other people’s observations, regarding my life.

Prescott Farmers Market, and the local Planet Fitness franchise, are places I frequent. I notice that, with one or two exceptions, the management team in each of these places tend to keep me (though not their favoured few) at arm’s length, most likely for good reason-but what that reason has to do with me, specifically, I’m not sure. Conversely, having the managers of a given establishment be my well-wishers is not why I avail myself of its services. The Market does have several stalls, where I am on good terms with the vendors and can chat for several minutes, without the emotional door slamming in my face. The gym provides me with a reliable set of full-body machines and the incomparable Hydrobed, a next-gen version of the Ceragem massage bed that we had, in the Phoenix house. Besides, the manager’s front desk assistants are uniformly more personable, and actually seem happy to see people come in, who are less than buff.

This leads me, again, to the whole culture of anonymity that seems to pervade the urban American West. This puzzles me. No one really seems to enjoy living as if under siege, but each of us does it, to some degree. I have made some headway, walking to and from downtown and Yavapai College, and joining in more group activities, especially in the past two years.

I am approaching a crossroads, of sorts, which I had hoped would not be imminent until at least Autumn, 2020. Still very much hoping to complete this academic year in one piece, the difficult academic specialist aside, I go to work each day and give it my best. Still hoping to be of value to my Baha’i and other communities, I am a regular at scheduled and spontaneous events. Still hoping to keep my head above water, I listen, carefully, to the voices of both support and of criticism, to glean the necessary lessons.

I get it Gary. It’s horridly difficult where I work, and has been for the past six years. Though I’ve done everything I can to improve and/or change my situation, I’ve failed repeatedly. It’s destroyed me to the point that I feel I’m running for my life every time I leave the building. If you see a crossroads, then you also see a way out. Sometimes getting out is the greatest most valuable accomplishment.
Whatever you choose, you will make it work.
Great big hug.

Hang in there — the difficult specialist may simply be trying to find her space in the group. You had such a good year last year that I know you were hoping for more of the same — you are pretty adaptable, and should be able to make it all work.. Hugs!

She has been part of an “inner circle” at the school for four years. My boss and one of the other assistants are also part of this group, and have been careful not to conflate that group with our classroom team. Yes, this specialist needs to learn that distinction. We will get through it.