Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Nipples, Nipples, Everywhere

My Foreign Service blogger friend Jen was recently removed from the State Department's official blogroll for "not being Foreign Service enough" and because her blog "wouldn't appeal to those applicants interested in learning about life in the Foreign Service". Her crime? Blogging about her recent experience dealing with breast cancer, reconstructive surgery, etc. Being a diplomat I won't comment on what I think of this decision. They're morons... oh crap, there goes my Tourette's again.

I think her story is great for those interested in a career in the Foreign Service. See, the Foreign Service isn't a job. It's a lifestyle. And it is actually pretty awesome. I've been doing this for 11 years and I still wake up excited to go to work. Why? Because I work for a great organization. Among many other things the organization does well, it does a good job of taking care of families. Case in point, when Jen found out that she had breast cancer while her spouse was in Iraq, he was on a plane home to his family in a matter of hours. When it became clear that she would be undergoing multiple surgeries and treatments, the Department found her husband a job in Washington so that he could be around to help her and their three kids. The Office of Medical Services worked with the family once things were stable to find them a suitable onward assignment. I think this story is a win for the Department. The Department does a great job of taking care of its people.

Anyhow in protest a bunch of us FS bloggers are going to write about nipples today. I'm going to use the word nipple as much as I possibly can. Nipple, Nipple, Nipple. Good, now I will never be on the official blogroll. So here's something I learned the hard way about nipples. Did you know that for most people one nipple is more sensitive than the other? I didn't. That is, I didn't until the day -- many, many years ago -- that I decided I would have my nipples pierced. I was going through a rather rebellious phase at the time and found myself in Amsterdam with my best friend and with very little common sense. Somehow getting our nipples pierced seemed like a good idea.

So we walked around Amsterdam for several hours, working up the nerve to go into a tattoo/piercing parlor. We finally walked in and explained to the man what we wanted to do and he walked us in to a dark room in the back and instructed us to take our shirts off.

"So," he asked, "which nipple is more sensitive?"

I had no idea and I certainly wasn't about to try and figure it out in front of him. "Uh, the left one," I guessed. I figured I had a 50/50 shot at getting that right.

"OK, we'll do that one first cause it's going to hurt but at least you'll know that it's the worst of it and we can do the second one right after."

I was wrong.

PS: That story is very old. Many years ago.
PPS: I very quickly decided that it was not the look for me.
PPPS: HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL THAT HURT!! DO.NOT.RECOMMEND.
PPPPS: Solidarity, Jen! Nipples of the world unite!