it’S A GUY thiNg

I was recently approached by Scott Seegert and asked if I’d like to review his new book, it’S A GUY thiNg. It’s the first time I’ve ever been contacted by a published author and as I’m not renowned for saying no to freebies I was more than happy to accept.

I received my signed copy of it’S A GUY thiNg last week and have flicking through it and giggling to myself ever since. The book is all about the crazy things that oddballs guys have registered patents for in the past. There are such gems as the “Helmet mounted Pistol” which incorporates a neck support so as not to strain your self when it fires. Patented in 2002 is “Tom’s Buttocks Cleavage-Revealing Pants” which are special pants for the ladies with a certain area of material removed in a nice fashion conscious pattern.

Scott’s writing style suits the subject material perfectly and if he ever fancies blogging he is more than welcome here. He’s given me permission to reproduce a couple of his patent posts here, so enjoy:George’s Golf Practice Apparatus Patented 1956

Every guy knows that the length of his drive is directly proportional to the length of a specific anatomical member which, for the sake of being discrete, we shall refer to as “Mr. Johnson”. Suffice it to say nobody wants to hit a limp dribbler up the fairway. This explains why the typical guy will spend up to 83% of his pre-tax income on assorted equipment which promises to improve his golf swing.

Well, the best of this equipment, as determined by total weight, is George’s revolutionary golf practice apparatus (GPA), a device once described by Rube Goldberg as being “a bit complicated”. The GPA will allow any run of the mill guy to increase the length of his Johnson, err, drive right in the comfort of his very own structurally reinforced den or recreation room. For those interested, the GPA comes unassembled and all that you’ll require to put it together is a ¾” box wrench, an acetylene torch and Stephen Hawking. Once assembled, simply lubricate twice daily at points 1 through 203, and the GPA will stand ready to offer years of faithful service.

Jack’s No-Slip Hairpiece

If you’re a guy who wears a hairpiece, you’re all too familiar with the situation: one moment you’re showing off for the ladies by executing a perfect half-gainer into the clubhouse pool, and the next you appear to startled bystanders to be a man in a flesh-tone bathing cap trying frantically to rescue what seems to be a large guinea pig from the pool’s filter. That’s right – that darned hairpiece has fallen off yet again, supplying onlookers with another great anecdote at your expense.
Well, wind, water, starved predatory birds – nothing, and we mean nothing, is going to tear the no-slip hairpiece from its wearer’s dome. The secret lies in the plastic horseshoe-shaped component which is permanently, that’s right – permanently, attached to the head at the existing hairline via adhesives or braiding. The hairpiece itself contains a matching component that fits up to the head-mounted piece like a door hinge. Once aligned correctly, flexible pins are inserted through the hinge tunnel and the removable portion is rooted firmly in place. The result is a hair replacement system in which the wearer, after careful and meticulous grooming utilizing the latest advancements in hairstyling technology, could easily pass for a guy with a small cat asleep on his head.
As Jack points out, the non-permanent portion of the hairpiece may be quickly and easily removed “when conditions of privacy prevail”. Oh, we have a feeling they’ll prevail, all right.