4.12.12

I wouldn't even chalk this up to first world problems. I would chalk it up to me being a giant doofus.

Scenario one: I'm walking from my bus stop to my office. I'm not setting any records, but neither am I lollygagging. I carry a messenger bag kind of across my back and my headphones plugged into my phone in my pocket. Just as I cross the street, I pass a fire hydrant. It's a section of sidewalk that's choked by utilities and you have to navigate one of two passages. I take the one closest to the road. My headphone cord catches the hydrant, my head snaps back and my phone jumps out of my pocket.

The phone, my biggest concern, is okay. Thankfully. I don't have a case on it, and it's a work issued phone, so I'm just happy nothing happened. Its fall was buffeted by bungee cord the headphones became. My next concern was my head. It was really ripped back quite forcefully. However, I didn't notice any stars or funny sounds or tastes so I guess I'm okay. My third concern was if anyone saw me. Hey, I'm only human. I just managed to recreate a cartoon accident in real life. Next to a bee or a spider web, this must be high on this list of amusing things to see happen to people at a distance. I kind of hope someone saw and got a good laugh.

Needless to say the headphones were thrashed. I've never seen trauma like this on a cord, it was very interesting.

Scenario two: I'm visiting a comic shop looking for gifts. As I walk in the door, I notice there's Christmas music playing. I don't think anything of it. It started as I walked in the door, it's holiday music, it's all very natural.

I find my gift, and then proceed to meander about looking at other items. I'm partially aware of stares I'm getting, but I'm not giving it much thought. At the time I just figured I was a guy dressed in business casual clothes in a comic store and people were eyeing me a bit. I don't know. This is also a game store, so there were guys at a couple tables playing something. There's also a couple people at another table discussing music by the looks of it. Also giving me a strange look.

I get back up to the front, trying to convince myself I don't need to start buying comics again, nor do I need that Serenity model or that Doctor Who action figure set (with all the Doctors) when I see a lady gesturing to me. She obviously works there given that she's stacking shelves of comics from boxes. I walk toward her thinking she's asking if I'm finding everything okay, but I can't really tell over the Christmas music.

She says, "Can you turn your music down?"

I blink stupidly. My music? What is she talking about? "What?"

"That music, it's coming from you. Is your phone on or something?"

Suddenly all those people staring at me flash through my mind. I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone and it is indeed open on Pandora and it just happened to be on a holiday song. (Not just any holiday song either, but some really obnoxious a cappella version of "O Come All Ye Faithful.")

I apologize, explaining I thought it was the store's music. I fumble with it, trying to find the quit button all the while she's saying repeatedly that I really need to turn that off now, it's very disturbing. I agree and again apologize. Once I find it, the lag between hitting "quit" and it actually stopping could be measured in decades. The music stops and I'm painfully aware of how quiet the store is.

I immediately head to the cashier, pay, apologize again (although the other lady said she didn't hear anything, thankfully) and leave.

Had I heard the music before I got into the store, I'd have known instantly it was my phone. Had it been anything but holiday music, I might have figured it out. But the combination of it starting as I entered and it being a Christmas song, just totally fooled my brain into thinking I wasn't a giant walking jukebox of cheer and holiday spirit.

I hope someone told their friends about that one too and they got a good laugh.