A father named Jack Frost has a second chance
at doing something he failed at the first time around -
being a parent. He comes home for Christmas one
year after his death, reincarnated as a Snowman on his
son's front lawn.

A
small (fictional) Colorado Rocky Mountain town, Medford

Director Troy Miller's cliched, over-sentimental,
contrived 'heart-warming' family film was a 'live-action' version
of the classic holiday animated film Frosty the Snowman.
This holiday film's sappy tagline described how a deceased father
became a 'cool dad' as a snowman: "Jack Frost is getting a
second chance to be the world's coolest dad... if he doesn't
melt first." The title character, the snowman, was created
via animatronic puppetry (Jim Henson's Creature
Shop) and computer graphics (ILM).

Struggling, chronically late, and self-absorbed,
middle-aged rock musician Jack Frost (Michael Keaton) lived
with his wife Gabby (Kelly Preston) and ignored 12 year-old
son Charlie (Joseph Cross) in the Colorado mountains. Frost
had already proven that he couldn't keep family promises and
parental/spousal obligations. At Christmas time, he cancelled
his attendance at the planned family mountain cabin outing
to play at a record label executive's party on Christmas Day
in Denver. But then, he changed his mind and
began the drive home in a borrowed car, and died in a
car accident on his return (off-screen).

A year later, a still-grieving Charlie built
a snowman in his front yard, using Jack's battered old
hat and scarf. That night, when the boy started
to play the "magical" harmonica his father had given him on the
previous Christmas (the night before he died), the snowman out
on the lawn was taken over by Jack's spirit. The reincarnated
Jack experienced one final chance to make things right - father-son
bonding - before being threatened by melting from a warm front.

Makeup, prosthetics and LOTS of green fur,
Jim Carrey delivers as the conniving Christmas-ruining
Grinch. The green Grinch vamps around stealing Christmas,
and it's as bad for the residents of Whoville as it for
us who are watching at home.

The
City of Whoville

Director Ron Howard created this aggressively-presented,
over-produced, big budget, live-action adaptation of the
classic 1957 children's book by Dr. Seuss about a selfish
green creature intent on stealing Christmas. Although it
wasn't altogether received positively, it was a major box-office
hit, and became the highest-grossing (domestic) Christmas
holiday film of all time at $260 million. [Note: The first
version of Dr. Seuss' tale was How the Grinch Stole Christmas
(1966), a 26 minute animated TV special, directed by
legendary animator Chuck Jones. Boris Karloff starred as
the narrator and as the voice of the Grinch.]

The main role of the detestable and cruel green
Grinch with sadistic yellow eyes was played by maniacal physical
comic Jim Carrey, covered with layers of prosthetics, makeup
and synthetic green fur. He was miserly, grotesque, and generally
distasteful of Christmas due to a back-story that was revealed
early on. After he was adopted and raised by two elderly
sisters in the peaceful valley of Whoville, he was ridiculed,
shamed and bullied at age 8 by his school classmates for
his appearance - and this childhood trauma was the explanation
for his current demeanor. All alone, the Grinch exiled himself
to Mount Crumpit (the town's garbage dump) to live in a cave.

Presently, in the town inhabited by rodent-like
creatures (with buck teeth, snouty faces, wacky hairdos and
strange costumes), charitable-minded, big-eyed, button-cute
8 year-old Cindy Lou Who (Taylor Momsen) took an interest
in the Grinch, a former town resident. She was also one of
the few to fear that the true meaning of Christmas had been
lost: "Where are you, Christmas?"

The demonic Grinch was coaxed down from his
mountain hideaway when Cindy Lou nominated him for a special
Yuletide honor during the town's Whobilation. After a difficult
and humiliating visit to town when he was mocked a second
time, the Grinch decided to sabotage and destroy Christmas.
He dressed as Santa, and with a sleigh, he invaded the Whos'
homes on Christmas Eve to burglarize their presents.

On Christmas morning, Mayor Augustus May Who
(Jeffrey Tambor) blamed little Cindy Lou for ruining Christmas
by trying to extend kindnesses to the Grinch. Although troubled
by the thefts, the townsfolk came to the realization that
they still had the Christmas spirit, and that Christmas wasn't
just about materialistic goods.

As they joyfully sang together in the town
square, the Grinch heard their singing from his mountain
top. At first, the curmudgeon was frustrated that his plan
had failed (Narrator: "He hadn't stopped Christmas from
coming"). He was about to dispose of their gifts wrapped
in a large red sack on the sleigh, positioned on a windy
and snowy mountain peak. He thought and puzzled to himself:

"It
came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without
packages, boxes, or bags....Maybe Christmas... doesn't come
from a store. Maybe Christmas means a little bit more."

His heart painfully grew three sizes when he
realized that Christmas still went on in Whoville even if
he had stolen all of their presents. He sobbed and sobbed,
and then was pleasantly surprised to see Cindy on top of
the gigantic sack. She gave him heartwarming love and respect: "I
came to see you. No one should be alone on Christmas." But
then the sleigh was positioned to slip off the mountain top
and crash to the ground.

With all of his strength, he saved the sleigh
(and Cindy) from disaster ("I got you, Cindy Lou")
by holding the sleigh high above his head. He returned with
her to the village to return the stolen goods, where he apologized
(or repented), and was forgiven. He was redeemed, decided
to marry his lifelong unrequired love interest - slinky,
uppity Martha Stewart-like Martha May Whovier (Christine
Baranski), and began a new life.

1957 Dr. Seuss bookDr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (1966)

Jim Carrey as The GrinchCindy Lou Who

Bad Santa (2003)

Adults only! With excessive profanity, sexual
innuendo and promiscuity, this movie, one of the most depressing
Christmas movies of the holiday season, is the polar opposite
of your usual holiday flick. Starring Billy Bob Thornton
as ne'er do well mall Santa Willie Stokes.

First
in Miami, Florida, then Phoenix, Arizona

The irreverent, tasteless R-rated black comedy,
suitable only for adult audiences, had the tagline: "He
doesn't care if you're naughty or nice." It was an unusual
pick for a holiday film, with repulsive foul-mouthed vulgarity,
alcohol abuse, promiscuity and armed burglary.

The film opened with bitter,
hedonistic, obscenity-spewing, unshaven scumbag Willie T.
Stokes (Billy Bob Thornton) slumped on a barstool. He was wearing
a red Santa outfit, while finishing off a whiskey and smoking
a cigarette - and noting:

"Hey, can I get another drink down
here? I've been to prison once, I've been married twice.
I was once drafted by Lyndon Johnson and had to live in
s--t-ass Mexico for 2 1/2 years for no reason. I've had
my eye socket punched in, a kidney taken out, and I got
a bone-chip in my ankle that's never gonna heal. I've seen
some pretty s--tty situations in my life, but nothing has
ever sucked more ass than this! If I'd known I was gonna
have to put up with screaming brats pissing on my lap for
days out of the year, I would have killed myself a long
time ago. Come to think of it, I still might."

The con-man
was joined by ill-tempered midget-dwarf Marcus (Tony
Cox), as they went on regular annual road-trips each
holiday Christmas season (they had been successful for seven
years) dressed as Santa and Santa's Little Helper, to execute
one big scam (that would last until the next year). Their
ulterior motive, other than spreading good (and profane)
cheer as a shopping mall Santa Claus and Elf in their costumes,
was to learn how to circumvent mall security systems in order
to rob the stores on Christmas Eve. Marcus would hide in
the mall and disable the alarm system, while Willie would
crack the safe.

Part of the job entailed having child-hating
Willie entertain young "s--t's" on his lap all
day long, wishing he could rush through them: "Make
it quick, Santa's gotta pee." And he was forever avoiding
the brats brought to him by their mothers: "I'm
on my f--king lunch break, ok!" He also took time out
to 'fornicate' with a heavy-set woman in the Big & Tall
dressing room. For most of the film, Willie was partially
drunk, and half-dressed in a partial 'Santa' outfit, sometimes
with a ragged T-shirt or bare-chested showing off his tattoos.

Currently, they were in Phoenix, Arizona, where 'Santa'
befriended a precocious, bullied, overweight eight year-old pre-teen
that he nicknamed the Kid/Thurman Merman (Brett Kelly). The
unpopular, bedeviled boy lived with his senile, catatonic
grandmother (Cloris Leachman) ("Let me fix you some sandwiches"),
without parents (his mother was dead, and his father was
in prison for embezzlement).

At first, Santa was contemptuous
of the Kid, and took advantage of the annoying boy. He invited
himself to stay in the Kid's basically empty lavish
home, and then robbed the safe
of money and stole a BMW.

In one of the more outrageous scenes from his
Santa chair, Willie delivered a maddened tirade at the Kid,
giving him fatherly advice when he acted wimpy toward skateboard
kids who teased and pulled on his underwear, and telling
him to defend himself:

"Jesus, kid. When I was your age, I didn't
need no f--king gorilla. And I wasn't as big as one of
your legs. Four kids beat me up one time and I went crying
home to my daddy. You know what he did?....He kicked my
ass. You know why?...It's because he was a mean, drunk,
son of a bitch. And when he wasn't busy busting my ass,
he was putting cigarettes out on my neck. The world ain't
fair. You've gotta take what you need when you can get
it. You've gotta learn to stand up for yourself. You gonna
have to quit being a pussy and kick these kids in the balls
or something...Or don't. S--t. I don't care. Just leave
me the hell out of it."

Marcus was increasingly impatient and upset
with Willie's debauched and extreme behavior, and chastised
him. At first, he said: "You're an emotional f--king
cripple. Your soul is dog s--t. Every single f--king thing
about you is ugly." He then accused Willie of the three
B's: "Every
year, more booze, more bulls--t, more butt-f--king."

In
the meantime, the mall's prissy, anxious general manager
Mr. Chipeska (John Ritter in his final film role) was also
suspicious of Willie: "There's
something about the guy that makes me uneasy." He assigned
his scheming Security Chief Gin Slagel (Bernie Mac) to investigate
Willie's background. Later in the
subplot, Gin decided he wanted to be in on their loot, and
insisted on one-half of the money ("We split the dough
right down the middle").

Willie
also began a relationship with sexy, kinky, nympho bartender
Sue (Lauren Graham). The
Kid regularly referred to her as "Mrs. Santa's Sister." Willie
bragged to her: "I'm
an eating, drinking, sh-tting, f--king Santy Claus." She
replied: "Prove it" - and they immediately had sex
in the front seat of a car - to the tune of the William Tell
Overture, as she screamed out three times: "F--k me, Santa." Afterwards,
she admitted:

"I've always
had a thing for, uhm, Santa Claus, in case you didn't notice.
It's like some deep-seated childhood thing...I like you. Don't
mothball that suit."

The Kid was also completely enamoured
by 'Santa,' and gave him a present of a wooden pickle - which
he had carved (causing him to severely cut up his hand). Willie
beat up a group of teenagers who picked on the Kid and blackened
his eye. He declared: "I
beat the s--t out of some kids today. But it was for a purpose.
It made me feel good about myself."

To eliminate
Gin as a partner and continuing problems with Willie, Marcus
(Santa's Little Helper) and his wife/partner-in-crime Lois
(Lauren Tom) murdered Gin with their van. Then, during their
climactic mall robbery, Marcus (and Lois) double-crossed
Willie and held a gun on him. As Willie asked: "Do
you really need all that s--t? For Christ's sakes, it's Christmas!",
the police arrived, and Willie was shot eight times during
flight - but he survived (all of the bullets avoided vital
organs except his liver - which was already damaged). He
avoided jail time because of a letter he had written to the
Kid:

"Thank you for giving that letter to
the cops. I forgot I asked you to do it, but it's a good
thing you did, or 'Santa's Little Helper' would have plugged
his ass. And now
the cops know I wrote it, which is gonna keep my ass out
of jail. That, plus everyone agreeing that the Phoenix
police department shooting an unarmed Santa was even more
f--ked up than Rodney King."

The film ended with the arrest of Marcus and
Lois, and Sue was given temporary guardianship of the Kid
until his father was released from jail in one year and three
months. After healing, Willie was to be employed by the police
department as a sensitivity counselor.

In a strange way, the
Kid had taught Willie the true meaning of Christmas, and
the young boy also learned how to stand up for himself (Willie
had written (in voice-over) to him in a letter from the hospital:
"Don't take no s--t from nobody, least of all yourself. Ho,
ho, ho.") When the Kid was again taunted by a skateboarder
outside his home, who called him a "loser" and
a "fat-ass,"
the Kid kicked the bully in the crotch, and then rode off on
his bike as the film ended.

Elf (2003)

Both charming and foolish, Buddy (Will Ferrell)
is a prime example of a 'fish out of water' as he navigates
the North Pole and then Manhattan as a 6'3" elf.

At
the North Pole, and in New York City

One of the more hilarious, likeable and light-hearted
Christmas movies of all time - it was a fish-out-of-water
tale about a naive, good-hearted Elf trying to reunite with
his biological family. A baby from an orphanage stowed away
in Santa's (Ed Asner) sack during Christmas Eve delivery,
crawled out and found himself at the North Pole. He was raised
by Papa Elf (Bob Newhart), and named Buddy after the brand
name of his diapers.

Thirty years into the future, the baby grew
to be 6 foot, 3 inch Buddy the Elf (Will Ferrell), a misfit
towering over the others. He realized that he was different
from everyone else (he was not adept at toy-making for "the
show" or "the big dance"), but was unaware
of his origins until he overheard two other elves noting
that he still hadn't figured out that he was "human."

Disoriented,
he sought advice from his knowledgeable neighbor Leon the
Snowman, and from Santa about traveling to civilization:

"First
off, you see gum on the street, leave it there. It isn't
free candy...Second, there are, like, thirty Ray's Pizzas.
They all claim to be the original. But the real one's on
11th. And if you see a sign that says 'Peep Show,' that doesn't
mean that they're letting you look at the new toys before
Christmas."

He also learned that his real father was mean:
("Buddy, you should know that your father... he's on
the naughty list").

Hoping to find his true identity and his widower
birth father (who was named Walter Hobbs (James Caan), a
workaholic at a children's book company), he bravely took
a trip to the human world in New York, where his naivete
was both charming and idiotic, as he:

waved at a man hailing
a taxi

laughed hysterically as his shoes were shined

graciously accepted ad flyers

played hopskotch
on pedestrian walk lines

ate parked bubblegum

spun out
of control in a revolving door

spread his legs riding an
up escalator

punched all the lighted buttons in an elevator
("looks
like a Christmas tree")

He found his father in an office at the top
of the Empire State Building, where he was thrown out after
Walter sarcastically thought he was a costumed Christmas-gram.
As he was escorted to the outside by security guards, one
of them noted: "Why don't you go back to Gimbel's?" Inside
the store where it was assumed that he worked, in anticipation
of Santa's arrival ("SANTA! OH MY GOD! SANTA HERE? I
KNOW HIM! I KNOW HIM!"), Buddy spent overnight in the
department redecorating, cutting snowflakes, setting up train
sets, and ornamenting trees.

However, he was dismayed by
the imposter-fake Santa that showed up the next morning and
they had a riotous altercation (in front of a line of children
and mothers) that landed him in jail. He was bailed out by
his father, taken to a doctor for DNA testing to prove his
identity, and then was introduced to his extended family
- patient and kindly stepmother Emily (Mary Steenburgen)
and lonely, 10 year-old half-brother Michael (Daniel Tay).

Earnest Buddy's adventures and escapades, in
addition to reminding cynics of the real meaning of Christmas
in Central Park where Santa's jet-powered sleigh had crashed,
included the following:

Buddy was attacked by a grumpy and menacing
raccoon in the park

Buddy entered a coffee shop in NYC: ("You
did it! Congratulations! World's best cup of coffee! Great
job, everybody! It's great to be here.")

Buddy was mistaken for a Gimbel's employee
by the store manager (Faizon Love), and had a fight with
the Santa at Gimbel's ("You smell like beef and cheese,
you don't smell like Santa")

Buddy's "perfect gift for that special
someone"
to his father - a piece of white lacy lingerie with a red
bra

Buddy's belching for twelve seconds after
drinking a 2-liter bottle of Coca-Cola ("Did you hear
that?")

Buddy's expert snowball fighting skills
in the park to defend himself and Michael

Buddy's instigation of a fight with short,
bestselling writer Miles Finch (Peter Dinklage) by repeatedly
calling him an "elf" and asking: "Did you
have to borrow a reindeer to get down here?"

Christmas with the Kranks (2004)

Chaos ensues after the Kranks' decision to skip Christmas is
thwarted when their daughter announces she's coming home for
the holidays.

At
Christmas time, in a Chicago suburb

Director Joe Roth's unfunny comedy was adapted
by Chris Columbus from John Grisham’s 2001 novel Skipping
Christmas. It was a
box-office success, although it was soundly vilified for its
strong Orwellian message of mean-spirited conformity during
the Christmas holidays (tagline: "Their Christmas will turn
the town upside down!").

The title's family, middle-aged Luther and Nora
Krank (Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis) were a suburban Chicago
couple who had just celebrated Thanksgiving, and had said goodbye
to their daughter Blair (Julie Gonzalo) who was beginning to
serve a Peace Corps term in Peru. The Kranks decided to forego
traditional lavish spending for the holidays (for lights, parties,
and lavish decorations) and use the money for a Caribbean cruise
vacation, although they would still customarily give holiday
donations to children’s
charities and their church.

Immediately however, the Kranks were considered
out-of-synchronicity by their pressuring middle-American neighbors
and co-workers, who were distressed that they wouldn't be partaking
of the normal spending or trappings of the holiday season (i.e.,
decorating their home for the annual neighborhood's 'Best Decorated'
contest). When Christmas carolers came to the Krank's home,
Luther sprayed his front lawn with water, which froze over
and deterred the holiday-singers.

The twist came when on Christmas Eve morning,
Blair called from the Miami airport, announcing that she was
on her way home with her new fiancee from Peru named Enrique
Decardenal (René Lavan). With only a few hours until
Christmas, the Kranks chaotically began to decorate their home
with the traditional trimmings, and prepare for a party and
homecoming. They were aided by cooperative neighbors to decorate
the house and prepare the food. In the end, Luther (a
Scrooge-like character) was forced to acknowledge that they
shouldn't have skipped Christmas, and should have achieved
yuletide happiness the usual way.

The Polar Express (2004)

Praised for its milestone special effects, The Polar Express
showcases an action packed, magical journey to The North Pole.

At
Christmas time, set in the 1950s in Grand Rapids, Michigan

Robert Zemeckis' ground-breaking, blockbuster
adaptation of the beloved 1985 illustrated children's book
by Chris Van Allsburg, was a journey of self-discovery with
a strong endorsement (or sales-pitch) for the belief in the
existence of Christmas. The fantasy holiday film was enhanced
with memorable performance-capture technology. It was praised
for its milestone special effects, but also criticized for
some of its lifeless-looking, unreal humans and animations.
However, it was still notable in its claim to be the first
major feature-length film to use the process of Motion Capture
Animation.

Late on Christmas Eve, a doubting and skeptical
8 year-old unnamed 'Hero Boy' (voice of Daryl Sabara) was
introduced (in voice-over), as he lay in bed contemplating
that there was no Santa Claus. He was wishing to hear the
beautiful sound of reindeer bells from Santa's sleigh:

"On Christmas Eve many years ago, I laid
quietly in my bed. I did not rustle the sheets. I breathed
slowly and silently. I was listening for a sound, a sound
I was afraid I'd never hear - the sound of Santa's sleigh
bells."

He was hoping to believe in everything related
to the Christmas holidays, but at a turning point in his
life, he was becoming
agnostic and doubting with shaky beliefs
about the true existence of Saint Nick. He heard noises downstairs,
and saw a shadow, but discovered a ruse. It wasn't Santa
Claus, but his own father
who ate the cookies and delivered the presents. He returned
to his room to search in magazines and encyclopedias for confirmation
of Santa, but in a description of the 'North Pole' in
his World Book encyclopedia, it was only described as "stark,
barren, devoid of life."

He then pretended to
be asleep when his parents entered his bedroom. They mentioned
that their disbelieving son no longer stayed
up late listening for Santa Claus's arrival. He
was awakened at about 5 minutes to twelve by a loud whooshing
and rumbling sound - a monstrous, golden-lit magical steam
train pulled up outside his house. He ran outside in his
pajamas, slippers, and torn-pocketed bathrobe.

The conductor (Tom Hanks, who
played most of the characters) had announced: "All aboard," and claimed they were bound
for the North Pole (and Santa Claus' home). He had also claimed:
"Seeing is believing, but sometimes the most real things
in the world are the things we can't see."

Hero Boy joined fellow
travelers - all wearing pajamas, including:

black Hero Girl (Nona Gaye)

nerdy Know-It-All (Eddie Deezen)

sickly and shy Lonely Boy Billy (Peter Scolari),
from a broken home, and living on the bad side of town

The hour-long, sometimes out-of-control ride
to their fantastical destination was filled with spectacular
theme park-like roller-coaster thrills and action sequences.
At one point on the journey, a huge herd of caribou was encountered
crossing and blocking the path, and the train in steep Glacier
Gulch skidded off its tracks and slid across an iced-over
lake.
Hyperkinetic, white-aproned dancing waiters served hot-chocolate
to the young passengers, while the conductor sang the bizarre
song:
"Hot Chocolate" about the joys of drinking the
hot beverage. During one long magical
sequence, the girl's golden train ticket fluttered away and
was sent through an obstacle course, of sorts, before blowing
back into the train.

At Santa's headquarters or workshop, there
was a bank of TV monitors that allowed the elves to monitor
who had been naughty or nice, while gifts were transported
around within pneumatic tubes. With preparations ready for
Santa's yearly Christmas deliveries, one silver bell fell
off of Santa's sleigh. Hero Boy picked it up and shook it,
but couldn't hear it. He then stated his belief in Santa,
and saw Santa's reflection behind him in the shiny bell.
He shook the bell again, now heard its sweet sound, and returned
it to Santa.

Soon after, Hero Boy
was selected to meet the red-suited, white-bearded, pompous
Man/Santa Claus (Hanks again) who asked him what he wanted
for Christmas. The Boy was presented with his request - a
silver sleigh bell - "the
first gift of Christmas." The bell could only be heard
by those who believed in Santa.

"This bell is a wonderful symbol of Christmas,
as am I. Just remember, the true spirit of Christmas lies
in your heart."

During the return trip back home on the train,
Hero Boy realized the bell was missing (from his torn pocket),
and he was saddened. On Christmas morning, the last tiny
gift box to be opened by him and his sister Sarah had
a note on it from Santa - to "fix
that hole." It contained
the silver bell. The two could hear the bell, but their parents
couldn't (thinking it was broken).

Hero Boy re-dedicated
himself to the spirit of Christmas and in the film's last
line stated:

"At one time most of my friends could
hear the bell, but as years passed, it fell silent for
all of them. Even Sarah found one Christmas that she could
no longer hear its sweet sound. Though I've grown old,
the bell still rings for me, as it does for all who truly
believe."