Personel opinion columns and miscellaneous writings and rantings of Elwood the Minion.

Thursday, November 17

Chapter 38:

The Adventures of Frank and Periwinkle"The Goat"- Part 1 -

Long ago there were two friends: a duck named Frank, and a sheep named Periwinkle. Periwinkle was as white as the freshly driven snow with blue eyes (a rarity for an sheep, which earned her the name of Periwinkle), and Frank was a Wood-duck with the brightest white collar and darkest sheen of green covering his head.

Frank and Mrs. P (for that was what her friends called her) lived on a farm on the outskirts of town with the pasture’s end capped by a creek flowing gently by the farm house. They were just outside a small town called Orkney by the River, and the two were very happy in their pasture being cared for by the farmer and his wife who would bring Frank and Periwinkle bread and cakes of alfalfa, respectively, every morning for breakfast, and handfuls of corn or old flapjacks every afternoon.

One morning a truck pulled up to the farm house, and a man began talking with the farmer and his wife. They all seemed happy, and the man went to the back of his truck and brought out a medium size billy-goat with a large blue ribbon around his neck, and a rope to lead the goat.Frank flew to the top of the fence while Mrs. P stuck her head through the wires to see the new arrival. They watched the goat with his head held high and regal; he stood like a champion. He ignored Frank and Mrs. P, but instead began following munching on a nearby rhododendron. The farmer and his wife gave a slight tug on the lead, and the goat stiffly trotted off behind them as they rounded the house to the gate on the far side.

"I don’t like it," said Frank as he flew to the ground from his perch. "I think they are keeping it. We’re going to have to compete with this... this..."

"Show goat." Mrs. P finished his thought. She bent her head towards a large clump of grass just beyond the fence. If she could just stretch her neck a bit further...

The farmer’s voice came to them from the other side of the yard, and Mrs. P drew her head back triumphantly through the fence with a large clump of elephant grass between her teeth and looked at the approaching humans and the new goat.

"Periwinkle, Frank," began the farmer’s wife, "this is your new friend Morton." Morton the goat looked disdainfully down his muzzle at Frank and Mrs. P and said: "Maa."

"Isn’t that cute," said the farmer, "he’s saying hello." The farmer and his wife both smiled and walked back into their house.

However, the farmer was mistaken, and what the goat really said was, "You two are going down."

Morton watched the retreating steps of the farmer and his wife until they had entered their home, and then closed the door. Morton turned back to face his companions and said, "I’m going to make your lives misreable unless you both do everything I tell you." He turned and trotted off to the wood-pile and ambled to the top. "I am now ruler of this pen!" He shouted. "And all are beneath me!"

"Hi," said Mrs. P, "My name is Periwinkle, and this is Frank." She then went over to a nice pile of grass and began munching away happily.

"Silence troglodytes!" screamed Morton, "I did not give you permission to speak!"

"Oh blow it out your horns," said Frank, "I am not your slave, or... or... whatever thing you called me." He flew up onto the fence where his head was higher than Morton’s to show he could not be bullied. "You don’t scare me."

Morton’s eyes narrowed, and he leapt nimbly onto the roof of the house where he could look down on the duck. He smiled, and looked down to the fence where Frank laughed at him, and flew down to the ground where he began eating some freshly tossed corn kernels that the farmer’s wife had just tossed him. Morton was furious and leapt down to the ground in two leaps and faced Frank. "I command you to stop eating that corn!" He bellowed into Frank’s ears, but Frank did not stop eating. Morton lowered his head and quickly charged, knocking Frank three yards backwards where he fell unconscious. Morton then began eating the corn himself – not because he liked corn, but because he was trying to make a point – and finished every last bit, then went over to a shady spot beneath the walnut tree, and went to sleep.

Mrs. P had by now trotted over to Frank to look after him and found him unconscious. She began calling for help as loud as she could until Morton yelled for her to stop and be quiet – which she did, because Mrs. P was not one to buck the system.

The farmer’s wife had heard the commotion and had come out. She saw Frank lying there in the grass, and called for the farmer. They were both soon at his side feeling him all over for broken bones and wondering what had happened. Frank soon woke up. The farmer and his wife were very relieved, but did not understand Frank when he tried to explain to them what had happened and to warn them about Morton. But, since they were humans, all they heard was "Quack, quack, quack."