Top 10: Would-be Olympians

A decathlon of footballers who should be in Beijing1. Rio Ferdinand – Cycling
Dodging drugs testers is what Rio does best, and it is an essential attribute for Olympic cyclists.2. Tony Pulis – Hammer
An expert on propelling circular objects through the air over long distances.3. Didier Drogba – Diving
At last, a sport where DD’s undoubted talent for falling spectacularly is truly appreciated.4. Louis Saha – 20km walk
A whole season’s work compacted into one Olympic event.5. Shaun Wright Phillips – Shot put
An outstanding shot putter. Shot put wide, shot put over the crossbar, shot put straight at the keeper…6. Joey Barton – Boxing
Reckon you can work that one out for yourselves!7. Jimmy Bullard – 4x100m relay
He is already used to doing the work of entire team by himself.8. Cristiano Ronaldo – Triple jump
Sprint along at full pelt, jump three times and land sprawled on the floor in a heap. Sounds like C-Ron to me.9. Sol Campbell – High Jump
The perfect practice for marking Peter Crouch every day of the week for the next nine months.10. Craig Bellamy – Women’s Judo
A chance for the Welsh whinger to put his nasty habit of getting into fights with the ladies to good use.