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[from trailer] Optimus Prime: Freedom is the right of all sentient beings.

[from trailer] Bobby Bolivia: A driver don’t pick the cars. Mmm-mm. Cars pick the driver.
[from trailer] Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: It’s a robot. You know, like a super advanced robot. It’s probably Japanese.
[from trailer] Keller: We’re facing war against a technological civilization far superior to our own! Our enemy can take any shape! They could be anywhere!
Ron ‘Sparkplug’ Witwicky: [drives past a Porsche dealer] I’ve got a little surprise for you, son. Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: No, no, no, no! Dad! Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me! Ron ‘Sparkplug’ Witwicky: Yeah, I am. You’re not getting a Porsche! [laughs]
Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: [repeated] No, no, no, no, no, no.
Ironhide: You have a rodent infestation. Shall I destroy it? Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: No! No! This is a chihuahua. We love chihuahuas. Ironhide: He’s leaked lubricant on me. Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: He did? Bad Mojo! Bad! Ironhide: Hugghh… This is gonna rust…
Optimus Prime: It’s you and me, Megatron. Megatron: No, it’s just me, Prime. Optimus Prime: At the end of the day, one shall stand, one shall fall!
Starscream: I live to serve, Megatron. Megatron: Where is the Allspark? Starscream: The humans have it. Megatron: You’ve failed me yet again, Starscream.
Agent Simmons: I’m gonna count to five… Captain Lennox: I’m gonna count to three.
Captain Lennox: Bring the rain.
Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: [to Mekaela] I’d like to ride you home. Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: [she gives him a strange look] I mean, drive you home.
Glen Whitmann: Don’t worry, Maggie, I’ve seen the movies and I know how this goes down. Two o’ them gonna come in, try to break us. Just don’t say, don’t even make eye contact, ok?Maggie Madsen: OK. [door opens and agents come in. Glen jumps up and points to Maggie] Glen Whitmann: She did it, she’s the one you want!
Keller: [to Maggie] You need to work on that brain-mouth filter.
[after Bumblebee has made a loud noise and blown out every car window on the used car lot] Bobby Bolivia: Four thousand!
Bobby Bolivia: Did you come here to see me? Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: yeah… Bobby Bolivia: That practically makes us family. Call me Uncle Bobby B.
Agent Simmons: You want to lay the fate of the world on the kid’s Camaro?
Mikaela: So for a super advanced robot why does he turn into a piece of crap camero? [Bumble Bee opens his passanger side door and lets Mikaela and Sam out and takes off speeding down the tunnel] Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: Oh great you just pissed him off. There goes $4000 just speeding away. [Bumble Bee pops a side wheelie and scans another car]
Bumblebee: Permission to speak sir? Optimus Prime: Permission granted. Bumblebee: I request permission to stay with Sam. Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: Yeah! I’d like that. Optimus Prime: Permission granted.
[last lines] Optimus Prime: With the Allspark gone, we cannot return life to our planet. And fate has yielded its reward, a new world to call home. We live among its people now, hiding in plain sight, but watching over them in secret… waiting, protecting. I have witnessed their capacity for courage and though we are worlds apart, like us, there’s more to them than meets the eye. I am Optimus Prime and I send this message to any surviving Autobots taking refuge among the stars. We are here. We are waiting.
Ron ‘Sparkplug’ Witwicky: 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… stand back from the door! Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: What’s up? Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: What was that light we just saw? Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: What light? Judy Witwicky: Why are you so filthy and sweaty? Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: I’m a child. I’m a teenager!
Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: [to Mikaela when she doesn’t want to get back in Bumblebee] In fifty years, when you look back on your life, don’t you want to say that you were brave enough to get in the car?
Optimus Prime: Are you Samuel James Witwicky, descendent of Archibald Witwicky? Mikaela: They know your name! Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: Yes. Optimus Prime: My name is Optimus Prime, we are autonomous robotic life forms from the planet Cybertron. Ratchett: But you can call us “Autobots”, for short.
Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: [as a technician hoses down Bumblebee] Stop! Just stop okay? [Bumblebee jumps up and draws his weapon aiming at everyone who tried to hurt him] Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: [Looking up at Bumblebee] It’s okay Bumblebee. Put your gun down. Nobody’s going to hurt you.
Mikaela: This car’s a pretty good driver.
Judy Witwicky: Get your hands off my bush!
Optimus Prime: Megatron must be stopped… no matter the cost!
Autobot Jazz: [before attacking Devastator] Come on, Decepticon punk!
Judy Witwicky: We don’t have to call it masturbating. We can call it Sam’s Happy Time!
Bobby Bolivia: Hey, Mammy! [Mammy gives him the middle finger] Bobby Bolivia: If I had a rock I would crack you, bitch!
Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: That’s my backyard, not a truckstop!
Optimus Prime: Autobots, roll out.
Cafe’ kid 1: [after a Decepticon has crushed a store] I sure hope they have insurance.
Glen’s Cousin: [being chased by police] I’m just the cousin. I’M JUST THE COUSIN!
Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: I want my car, and my parents, and her juvie records. Mikaela: Thanks. Agent Simmons: [deep sigh] That kid is an extortionist.
Man running with Camera Phone: [running through the chaos caused by the falling protoforms] Wow… this is the coolest thing I’ve ever seen. This is easilly a hundred times cooler than Armageddon… I swear to god!
Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: [in a used car showroom] You ever seen “The 40 Year Old Virgin”? Ron ‘Sparkplug’ Witwicky: Yeah… Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: Well, you see this? [points to a car] Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: This is the 40-year-old virgin, and this [points to another car] Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: is the 50-year-old virgin.
Optimus Prime: [to the federal agents who arrested Sam and Mikaela] Taking the children was a bad move.
Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: [on phone about Bumblebee] Um yeah, Satan’s Carmaro? It’s stalking me!
George W. Bush: [to Air Force One flight attendent] Can you wrangle me up some Ding-Dongs, darlin’?
Ironhide: Do you feel lucky, punk?
Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: [standing at the edge, on top of a tall building while hugging a white statue] No… oh my God, no, no Megatron: Give me the Allspark and you may live to be my pet. Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: [almost slipping off the building] Oh, oh, no, no, no, no… [Helicopters are flying pass him] Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: I’m never giving you this Allspark! Megatron: Oh… so unwise. [growls and hits the rooftop with his mace]
Optimus Prime: Megatron! Megatron: Prime!
Tooth Fairy Girl: [to Optimus Prime] Excuse me, are you the tooth fairy?
Glen: So I downloaded a couple thousand songs online! Who hasn’t?
Megatron: Give me the Allspark and you may live to be my pet. Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: I’m never going to give you this Allspark! Megatron: Oh, so unwise.
Blackout: All hail Megatron!
[Megatron lies on the ground, some humans are near him] Megatron: Disgusting. [flicks one of them away]
Agent Simmons: You see this? This is a “do whatever I want and get away with it” badge.
Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: It’s custom-faded?
Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: Yeah, I think you and your friends would like this book ‘cuz it’s got little mazes and some color pages.
Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: No sacrifice, no victory.
Maggie Madsen: You need to move past Fourier transforms and start thinking quantum mechanics.
Mikaela: So if its some super advanced robot, why does it turn back into a piece of crap Camaro?
[last lines] Optimus Prime: With the Allspark gone, we cannot return life to our planet. And fate has yielded its reward: a new world to call home. We live among its people now in plain sight, but watching over them in secret, waiting, protecting. I have witnessed their capacity for courage, and though we are worlds apart, like us, there’s more to them than meets the eye. I am Optimus Prime, and I send this message to any surviving Autobots taking refuge among the stars: we are here, we are waiting.
Autobot Jazz: What’s crackin’ little bitches? Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: Where’d he learn to talk like that? Optimus Prime: We learned Earth’s language through the World Wide Web. Autobot Jazz: This looks like a cool place to kick it!
Judy Witwicky: Were you masturbating?
Optimus Prime: I am Optimus Prime, and I send this message for any surviving Autobots taking refuge amongst the stars. We are here. We are waiting.
Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: Wait, how do you know about the glasses? Optimus Prime: eBay.
Optimus Prime: Bumblebee, stop lubricating on the man!
Megatron: I am… MEGATRON!
Ironhide: A rodent has been detected in the vacinity. Shall I destroy it? Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: No! No! This is a chihuahua. We love chihuahuas. Ironhide: He’s leaked lubricant on me. Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: He did? Bad Mojo! Bad! Ironhide: Hugghh… This is gonna rust…
Agent Simmons: She’s a criminal. And criminals are HOT!
Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: [standing at the edge, on top of a tall building while hugging a white statue] No… oh my God, no, no Megatron: Give me the Allspark and you may live to be my pet. Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: [almost slipping off the building] Oh, oh, no, no, no, no… [Helicopters were flying pass him] Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: I’m never giving you this Allspark! Megatron: Oh… so unwise. [growl and hit the rooftop with his mace]
Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: [to the Autobots in his yard] This isn’t hiding!
Jazz: You want a piece of me Megatron? Megatron: No, I want two!
[first lines] Optimus Prime: Before time began, there was… the cube. We know not where it comes from, only that it holds the power to create worlds and fill them… with life. That is how our race was born. For a time we had lived in harmony, but like all great power, some wanted it for good… others, evil. And so, began the war. A war that ravages our planet until it was consumed by death. And the cube was lost to the far reaches of space. We step in across the galaxy hoping to find it and rebuild our home. Searching every star. Every world. And just when all hopes seem lost; message of a new discovery took us to an unknown planet called… Earth. But we were already too late.
Ratchett: [scanning Sam’s body] The pheromone levels in the male indicate he wants to mate with the female.
[from trailer] Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: [to Frenzy] Not so tough without your head, are ya? [kicks Frenzy’s head]
[from trailer] USAF Master Sgt. Epps: Bring it!
[from trailer] Captain Lennox: [him and his team surrounding a helicopter] Have your crew step out, or we *will* kill you! [Blackout transforms and attacks… ]
[from trailer] Mikaela: I’ll drive, you shoot!
Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: So… Maggie Madsen: What are you here for? Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: I bought a car. Turned out to be an alien robot. Glen: [whispered] Wow…! Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: Who knew?
Optimus Prime: [after stepping on a large plant in a pot] Sorry, my bad.
Barricade: Are you username: LadiesMan217? Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: I don’t know what you’re talking about! Barricade: ARE YOU USERNAME: LADIESMAN217? Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: Yeah… Barricade: Where is the eBay item 21153? WHERE ARE THE GLASSES?
[from trailer] Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: Stop! He’s not going to hurt you!
[from trailer] Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: [to Mikaela] You have to get in the car. Trust me!
[from trailer] Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: [seeing his car transform for the first time] Oh my God…
[from trailer] Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: No, no, no, no, no. Mikaela: What? [Optimus Prime jumps onto the highway] Mikaela: Oh my God… [Bonecrusher, rams a bus]
[from trailer] Captain Lennox: [seeing Blackout approaching] He is so dead.
[from trailer] Keller: Are we talking about… invasion?
[from trailer] Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: Hey, that’s my car!
[from trailer] Captain Lennox: This thing is wicked!
[from trailer] Keller: Good luck… to us all.
[from trailer] Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: [checking out his car for the first time] Feels good.
[from trailer] Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: [talking into phone] If anyone finds this, my name is Sam Witwicky, and my car is alive…
[from trailer] Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: I’m not going to leave you!
[from trailer] Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: [speaking to Optimus Prime through his window] Okay, listen. You got to listen to me. If my parents come out here and see you, they’re going to freak out. My mother’s got a temper.
[from trailer] Optimus Prime: It’s you and me now…
[from trailer] Glen: That killer robot is really distracting!
Sam ‘Spike’ Witwicky: Gentlemen… let me introduce you to my friend, Optimus Prime.
[Captain Lennox is trying to call the Pentagon while his men fight Scorponok] USAF Tech Sergeant Epps: I need a credit card! Epps, where’s your wallet? USAF Tech Sergeant Epps: Pocket! Captain Lennox: Which pocket? USAF Tech Sergeant Epps: MY BACK POCKET! Captain Lennox: You got ten back pockets! USAF Tech Sergeant Epps: LEFT CHEEK! LEFT CHEEK! LEFT CHEEK!
[from trailer] [Captain Lennox is using Epps’ credit card to call the Pentagon while his men fight Scorponok] Captain Lennox: Okay, it’s a Visa… International Operator: Also, sir, have you heard about our Premium Plus full service call package? Captain Lennox: NO I DON’T WANT A PREMIUM PACKAGE!
Ironhide: [brandishing large cannons] Parents are irritating… Should I take ‘em out? Optimus Prime: Ironhide, you know we don’t harm humans! Ironhide: I know, I’m just saying… it’s an option..