One thing that most rapists and serial killers have in common is collecting mementos. From each crime scene and victim the criminal will take a personal item from the scene. It is a trophy; something to remind he or she vividly of the activity that transpired. It is not about the piece of jewelry or the article of clothing. It is about the crime. Many police report that they will take only part of something. One piece of a clothing set, one earring, one cufflink. Their purpose is not just to take one item, but to ruin the piece that is left. In a way they are reminding you that you are ruined too. That item will never be the same again, and neither will you. It is a way to relive the power and control of the situation time and time again, long after the crime has been committed. It is a means of controlling the high that person felt while they were in complete power.

Extreme controllers will do that too. They will take something they don't necessarily want or need. They want it for no other reason than someone else wants it. Their purpose isn't in having the item, it is in the taking of it. The pride isn't in owning it, but the knowledge of who they took it away from. It is a memento of murder. The relationship that was murdered in the taking of that memento.

As Christians we need to remember several things. First, these items are only things. Yes, it may be a reminder of a departed loved one, but that's all it is. Just a reminder. What was taken from you was not the person, just the reminder.

Second, it is only stuff. An old pastor that I had used to say, "I've never seen a hearse with a U-Haul (TM)." Down here we need to love people, not stuff. We can enjoy stuff. We can use the stuff that makes our lives easier. There is no doubt that we will accumulate stuff, but at the end of the day it is just stuff. After you are gone someone will come through your house and throw out most of your stuff, taking only the mementos they want to keep.

Third, pray for these people. Pray hard and pray often. Their priorities are screwed up. They place a higher value in things than in people. Hurting another person is just no big deal to them. They live in an isolated and lonely world with their trophies of murdered relationships. This isolation and loneliness leads them to further control, and more damaged relationships.

Lastly, we need to keep in mind that these people who are wielding control and power like a weapon, are deeply hurting and flawed individuals. Hurt people hurt other people. I wonder if they even realize the damage they are doing when they do it. I flip back and forth on that one. One side of me thinks they thrive on the power and control of taking and hurting someone else, while the other side of me thinks they are so wrapped up in their own pain they are incapable of seeing anyone or anything else but their own pain. I suppose that could go either way.

We should be collectors too. Collectors of souls for God. When we run across people like this, it is our Christian duty to use every tool in our arsenal to show this person God's love and forgiveness. Yes, they hurt you. Sometimes deeply. Sometimes irreparably, at least by human standards. But God is not human. God specializes in the impossible. He craves you coming to Him and asking (begging) for help.

The most powerful tools we have are love and prayer. Let's wield them without mercy in our efforts to lead these deeply hurting people to Christ.