Saturday, June 30, 2012

Yesterday as in Friday, marked my first week being in the hospital. I won't say the things I went through ain't pretty, instead, they were the greatest experiences I ever encounter. :) I believe I won't be getting such incidents anywhere else. Like I wrote in the previous entry, the first day was indeed lousy, but despite all that, it motivates me to not have such day ever again.

To be productive, per se.

Which indicates that by all means, I'll look for something to learn in other places (departments) instead of sticking to one and be discourage by the fact that I'm not doing anything there.

Following the ward round at 8am in the morning was the hardest thing for me to do. Not for the reasons I need to be early in the hospital (I arrived at the hospital around 7.15am so I don't really have any problem with the timing), but the thing is, I'm kinda feel awkward standing in the corner, following all the doctors around.

:/

I can feel that I'm being a 'kera sumbang' at those times. And believe me when I say that I have to learn to walk with... fast speed. If I don't, I'll be losing their traces in a blink of the eyes. No joke. Berjalan laju macam tak cukup tanah hospital tu aku kerjakan.

Heh.

One of the most valuable lessons I learnt is that, to never be a snobbish doctor! I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive but some Malay doctors in the hospital are just plain... snob. Glancing you across their eyes, and some won't look at you right in the eyes. Not even when putting up a smile. -_-"

*I emphasized on the word "some" as not every Malay doctors behave like that. I encountered quite a number of lovely Malay doctors as well.

I talked about that to my dad, and I told him that I won't let myself treating my patients and junior doctors like that in the future, inshaAllah. Surprisingly, those doctors who were very helpful and care to talk to me also teach a thing or two would be Chinese, Indian and foreigner doctors.

How ironic is that?

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The first three days of my posting, I reflect upon why I choose medicine as a career. Upon why, why on earth I made it compulsory for myself to do an elective posting when I can just enjoying my 3 months of summer holidays (you'll be amazed by the number of doctors who asked me to just stay at home and don't bother exhausting myself to come to the hospital).

That's the first time in three years I ever thought of that in such... err, negative way.

Fret not, I came to my senses pretty soon after that. :)

Thanks to my dad.

He said: "Why did you decide to do the posting? Because most of your friends are doing it?" and I shook my head as an answer. Then my dad said: "Because you wanted experiences? If that so, being neglected, feeling awkward, having those kind of emotions are also experience, yes?"

That's when I smiled in my head, thinking 'Yes, those are all priceless experiences'.

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I have two weeks remaining in the hospital and I aimed to brush up my history-taking skills. I took a few yesterday but just as I step away from their bed, I felt that I am still very much lacking in such skill :( I failed to ask quite a number important questions that are crucial in diagnosing.

In two weeks time, inshaAllah, I'll be fluent in asking hihi.

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To those friendly 'abang-abang' senior who are in their final year, thank you for welcoming me in joining your tutorial sessions and ward rounds, especially when you said: "Puan, ini junior saya tapi dia belajar di Mesir." to one of the patients :') I felt blessed to have you guys around when I'm being surrounded by serious-looking HOs, MOs, and Consultants.

I pray for your success and I would love to be working in the same hospital with you guys in the future, inshaAllah! ^^

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

And so I've started my elective posting yesterday morning at University Malaya Medical Center. I woke up at 5.30am (God, it has been months since I last saw the alarm ticked at that number, sobs) and started off my journey to the hospital with my mother around 6.30pm. KL, lots of cars, traffic jams and you know where I'm heading...

My first day was a very slow one indeed; that I almost have a mental breakdown thinking where and what should I do to make myself useful and at the same time, full-filling my targets as to why I'm there at the hospital, doing my attachment to begin with. I spent most of my time in front of the lift, thinking hard... which floor should I go to.

Not to mention I wasted several hours went back and forth waiting for my consultant as in my supervisor; Prof. Wan, to report myself to him. 13th floor, 12th floor, 4th floor, 3rd floor, 5th floor and I went to 13th floor again, then I was at 4th but most of the time at 3rd floor and... the cycle goes on.

Lousy, I'd say.

*sighs*

But that was soooo yesterday. I started my day this morning pretty well, I believe. Meeting the two sisters from Ireland and tagging along with them was quite an experience. They are going for their final year so their knowledge and clinical skills are up to the notch. I love the fact that they were so friendly and helpful, Alhamdulillah. Dr. Sanjiv was a very helpful consultant, I like him for that. Dr. Kevin too, not to forget Dr. Vijayan and Dr. Athar for having me tagged along with them across the wards for the case presentation.

I aimed for a better day as for tomorrow, inshaAllah. :) I hope I am able to brush off my quite-an-inappropriate-shyness -__-" And of course, be able to bring myself around!

Next time when you dare to play with fire,please, remember that the consequences is heart wrenching.as that is the punishment that you will get, when you sin.

Do you know that the moment you drifted away from God, you are on the verge of losing your friends -- whose bonded to you Fillahi and Lillahi Taala? A lil bit hazy? Er? How can I give a further account on this I wonder. *scratching my chin* Hmph.

.

.

Right.

You love your friend because of her love for Allah, and of course for everything she has to offer within her. You guys vow that your friendship is none other than for the sake of Him and Him only. Imagine, for instance, you lose your pace in becoming a servant of His, you commit sins, on one fine day. But this friend of yours, are being consistent and becoming a better muslimah by the day.

For some legit reasons (that I think you're well aware of), you'll feel disappointed with yourself, you'll be ashamed by your wrongdoings, you're envying her consistency, and all these emotions will eventually lead to your low self-esteem and you'll feel that you are not worth for the so called friendship-for-the-sake-of-Allah itself.

And... you'll distance yourself from her.

That's how it is, until you find your way back to rise again, catching up to your previous pace, or be even better than your former self!

Sunday, June 10, 2012

If that lyrics were even right. Scratch that. I just google-d the lyrics and yes, they can never be accurate as they are. Yaaay to my never fading memories to old school songs *dancing happily in my mind*. Needless to say (I figured that). It has been a pretty odd week (if not, weeks, since I came back from Egypt) for me.

Odd, and full of desires and thoughts.

What kind of desires? Worldly. I won't go into details but people who has been following me on twitter and Instagram should know what I'm talking about. One after another. Sighs.

I blame all these desires to the stress I had to put up during last final examinations. Yes, I had to blame all the desires I wanted for the past few weeks on something to lessen my guilty. -_-' Judge me all you want but keep the verdicts to yourself.

I know myself better than anyone. At least I think I do. :D

Alhamdullillah, I know I am blessed to live as my current self, to have a great life, a superb family (including my extended ones, and I'm utterly thankful to Allah Taala for that) to begin with, to have an amazing circle of friends, to have medicine as my future career and some may think that it is outrageous and ridiculous that I wish for something more.

But I just do.

It does sounds like a selfish and greedy request, but trust me when I say it isn't. For reasons that I don't feel obligate to mention here. And some people are giving comments like;

"You already have everything."

"What else do you want?"

These remarks makes it seem like I'm not grateful with what I already have, when I do. I am grateful. If only and only if I can put everything into words for these kind of people to understand...

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I've done something proactive today by doing a spring cleaning to my room with Kak Cindy; our lovely maid. Seriously, if not for Kak Cindy's presence, I don't think I can ever cleaning up my room like I did just now, not when you have a number of cockroaches in your room.

That's what happen when you only came back to Malaysia for two to three months a year (such a bliss, I know). And to think that I slept in that room for the past two weeks is... horrifying. I had goosebumps all over me.

I thanked my dad that he's super generous in helping me to drill the wall for me to put up a somewhat-a-hanger-like thing-y (I seriously can't figure out the words right now, pardon me) so that I can hang my clothes! My wardrobe is beyond full right now and I need my mum to come home fast so that we can go to Ikea to buy a new drawer!

If you can't do that much for them, and I shall say you are not yet capable to handle someone in your life. Well, I'm not saying that when you protect their dreams you are responsible for that someone's future. But it doesn't kills you to make an effort no?

I watched a Japanese drama not too long ago, regarding this young lady who's pursuing her dreams in tennis, and she fell in love with this one guy who happens to be her senior in the tennis club -- which he rocks at it, no bluff, -- and her coach didn't allow her to indulge in her feelings as it will affect her performance.

Shockingly, the coach met this senior and asked him "Do you like Oka-kun?" and he replied, after quite a long pause and I thought he was hesitating but he was gathering his strength to answer "Yes, I love her." He was saying that more to himself I guess but that's not the point I'm going for.

The coach continues, "Then you must do her a favor. Don't get near her until you can become a man who can protect her woman."

O.... kay. Those words were not easy to interpret, even for the hero himself.

He was confused at first but later along the story lines, he figured it out amazingly. "I understand now what actually the coach meant. I have to be the man who can actually protect Oka, protect her dreams, be alongside with her, accompanying her in our pursuit to become the Japan best tennis players, while having such feelings for her. And I don't think I'm ready. I can't control myself when I'm around her."

Awwww. He said that to his best friend, whom, I forgot his name.

Although I despise the coach for saying that to both of 'em, he caught my heart by saying this to Oka-kun, "Oka, don't ever let Todou-san go. Hold on to him. He's the only guy who can protect your dreams. And with that, be a woman who is worth for him to wait for."

>.<

Cut the corny and mushy part, after that, he gathers himself up, he became a much better guy and tennis player, and he did protect Oka and her dreams, in his own way, with the feelings he had for her. Thumbs up for Todou-san!

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On the contrary, I was watching a Cerekarama just now, about a guy who's crazy about football and aims to be a national football player. But then, he falls for this one girl who happens to hate everyone or every single thing which has connections to football as his father died playing football or something close to that.

So she said to this guy, "If only and only if you leave your passion for football, I will consider you proposal. That is if you want to have a chance to go out with me,"

I thought to myself... Whaaaat? Why? Why would you cut off someone's dream? Why did you make him choose between you and his passions? You don't even know if you guys would be married off to each other. And when you lose that feelings, one day, --not that I wish for that to happen -- what's left is your passion in life.

You don't basically go shutting down people's dreams, man. You should somehow help to protect it.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

I was having 'those' kind of mood of redecorating my blog once again, longing for the very same feeling I once had towards writing and hoping it will eventually find its way to my system. I pray for it to happen. Err, if you are wondering... yes, I drew the cartoon myself. I'm bad at it, I know. -_-" Drawing and sketching are never my cup of teas.

I'm fond into coloring tho. And can someone please reasoning me on why I'm telling this? >.< Gaaah. I don't have an answer to that but I know that I'm blessed that all the things on my wishlist has been ticked off :') Worldly desires, I know. Sighs. And remind me on why I'm blabbering about this again?