January 04, 2005

Let's be the change we want to see

I was going through my old posts yesterday and came across this one from last New Year's day. I really liked this one, so I thought it was appropriate to repost for this New Year!-----------New Years Day. Always a time of deep introspection, reflection and
reiteration of what I want my life to be all about. I like to think
about my life in relation to the whole; in other words, what do I want
my relationships, family, business, etc. to be like, and what actions
must I take to make that happen?

Along these lines, I couldn't help but think about some of the major
trends in business today. There's been so much written about the
failure of corporate America to satisfy the needs of customers, and in
an attempt to fix the symptoms we've created new mantras (create
customer evangelists!), new technologies (CRM), special programs
(frequent flier miles), and the list goes on.

But who, exactly, is "corporate America"?
We are.

The corporate transformational change that we consumers have been
crying for will happen when we -- the consumers, the customers, the
employees -- begin living the changes we want to see. Instead of fixing
the symptoms, let's address the root cause. Putting the blame on
faceless corporations is the same error as putting the blame on our
spouses, our co-workers, our families. Not only are we all connected,
but we ourselves are individual components of multiple intersecting
wholes.

We, the individuals who make up today's society, have created the
world we see today. We've made -- and are continuing to make --
different choices than our parents and grandparents did at our age.
These choices have created consequences that we often don't want to
recognize or own, so we point outside ourselves and declare the
culprits to be the big bad corporations (for whom we work) and
government officials (whom we elect) and 'the system' (which we accept).

So what are these choices? Here are a few factoids from Bowling Alone that indicate that our social and family ties are loosening, and we're increasingly withdrawing into ourselves:
- In the past 3 decades, participation in government, local clubs and organizations dropped by up to 50%.
- Job instability, churn and the increasing numbers of independent
contractors have resulted in a measurable decline of social
connectedness in the workplace.
- Americans are entertaining friends at home 45% less frequently now
than in the mid-70s; the number of picnics declined by 60% in the same
time period.
- The fraction of married Americans who say that their family 'usually dines together' has dropped from 50% to 34%
- The number of families who vacation together dropped from 53% to 38%;
watch TV together from 54% to 41%; sitting and talking, from 53% to 43%
- Reported charitable giving dropped by almost 20% from 1980 to 1995.
- The percentage of those who feel that "people in general today lead
as good lives -- honest and moral -- as they used to" dropped from 50%
in 1952 to 27% in 1998.

It's interesting to note that these percentages have remained more
stable in small towns versus large cities. It's tough to be impersonal
in a small town, but quite easy in a city. It's harder to be impersonal
when you run a small business than when sheltered in the walls of a
large corporation.

These statistics don't just show trends; they reveal our choices. We
have chosen -- under the veil of 'too busy, not enough time, not enough
money' -- to distance ourselves from our families, our co-workers and
our communities. As isolated individuals, it's much easier to forget
that we're part of a whole; that we're interconnected with everyone
else and that our choices impact others as well as ourselves. We have
made these choices individually but the combined effects are now
reaching critical mass. How can we connect with a customer when we're
not making meaningful connections with our own loved ones?

The lack of corporate/customer relationships is just the tip of the
iceberg; it is symptomatic of a much more far-reaching issue. We've
somehow adopted an us versus them mentality: not only between companies
and customers, but between departments within the same company, between
neighborhoods, races and religions. For real change to happen on the
corporate and societal level, each one of us must first decide to build
richer relationships within our own sphere of influence.... the forged
bonds will move upward and outward, but we must start at the core,
where we live. We must start by breaking down silos and walls within
our own communities and companies and neighborhoods; by reaching out to
others with compassion instead of holding back in distrust.

In a similar vein, we're calling on corporations to be more
authentic, transparent and honest. Yet how will that happen if we're
not transparent and honest ourselves? We so often are fearful of what
others will think that we lose sight of our own authenticity. Political
correctness has its limits. It's time for both individuals and
businesses to stop trying to be all things to all people, and give
ourselves permission to live honestly, and -- most importantly -- allow
others to live their own truths without trying to change them. Each
employee, each member of the whole, must be encouraged to live their
own personal brand honestly and openly. When that happens, authentic
and transparent corporate brands will naturally fall into place.

So perhaps our 2005 resolutions need not be so mundane. If each of
us chooses to take ownership of our small section of the vast social
fabric that ties us all together -- to tighten it up and halt the
unravelling, not just with technology but with our own authentic
goodness -- our society can be irrevocably changed for the better.
Speaking for myself, I plan to seek out ways to be more authentic and
transparent, more compassionate, and more willing to make time to
deepen my connections with others. These are a few of my New Years
resolutions; I hope you'll join me.

Thank you for this thought-provoking, articulate post. The trend toward emotional distance in American society is indeed disturbing. We seem to be losing our social skills as we sink into a "fantasy society" defined by television and the internet. I'm not lamenting either of these media, per se, but what we do with them. I understand, for example, that about a third of the hits on the net are at pornography sites. I asked an Employee Assistance Program worker what he thought of that (he gets to deal with people identified as abusing worktime access to these sites), and I believe his answer is emblematic: "They are searching for intimacy," he told me, "in all the wrong places." In a society founded on individualism it's easy to forget that there has always been a community of real people out there to connect with, to touch emotionally and spiritually, if only through unspoken acts of kindness among strangers. My own sense of the "us versus them" in organizations and communities today is that it is a deeply self-protective gesture -- it prevents us from learning either who "they" are OR who we are. May people take to heart your words, your call to action to initiate a different level of contact -- in our families, and with our neighbors all around the world.