London might have missed the boat with this whole “marketing” thing (unless everyone wants a one-eyed, phallic monster?), but they aren’t the first host nation to unveil a crime against nature.

This collection is not for the faint of heart, so if you prefer your eyes not to bleed — please exercise caution as you continue:

Hidy and Howdy: 1988 Winter Olympics

If Canada was trying to be one of the cool kids in 1988, the organizers of the Calgary Winter Games did a really good job of nipping that in the bud. Hidy and Howdy are what seem to be a country polar bear duo all ready for the Calgary Stampede. Too bad the Stampede is actually in the summer. Also, pretty sure that polar bears are not into vests. But these are minor details.

This mascot atrocity ensured that the world would probably not be saying “Howdy” to Calgary anytime soon, especially if people there look anything like these bears.

Izzy: 1996 Summer Olympics
Izzy is from the 1996 Summer Games in Atlanta. His name is really “Whatizit” and Time Magazine called him “a sperm in sneakers.”

The combination of these two elements really leaves nothing else to say on the topic except that this is probably one of the worst mascots of all time.

The Snowlets: 1998 Winter Olympics
So baby owls are owlets and there’s snow at the Winter Olympics, and so then that makes … Snowlets. Yes, we have figured out the mystery of Nagano’s mascots. They look like large heads with small legs. Creepy.

The four baby owls are named Sukki, Nokki, Lekki and Tsukki, and if you put the first syllables of their names together — it spells Snowlets. You would need to be a CIA operative to decipher this hidden message. And their Paralympic mascot is called “Parabbit.” Do with that what you will.

Syd, Ollie and Millie: 2000 Summer Olympics

These mascots, much like Canada’s Howdy and Hidy, served to show the world that, yes, Australia is exactly how it is stereotyped. It gets better. A fourth, albeit uninvited, mascot showed up to join the party in Sydney.

Fatso the Fat-Arsed Wombat, a creation by two Australian broadcasting personalities, proved to be more popular than Syd, Ollie and Millie could ever dream of becoming. He even appeared on the podium with the Australian 4 x 200 metre team.

Millie served a more educational purpose, as the world took to the internet to find out the definition of “echidna” (a spiny anteater). Who said ugly mascots couldn’t promote learning?

Athena and Phevos: 2004 Summer Olympics

It’s really hard to say what the Athens organizers were going for here. Named for the Greek gods Athena and Apollo — these pansexual mascots are anything but divine.

It’s always interesting to learn about another country’s history through their Olympic mascots. But when said mascots are random, amorphous blobs, the message is likely to get lost in translation. However, style points go to Athena for having eyes in the back of her head.

Neve and Gliz: 2006 Winter Olympics

Max Rossi/Reuters

Turin decided to take a more obvious route, calling their mascots “ice” and “snow.” Fantastic. Too bad they look like plush toys that have spent days rolling on the streets of Rome.

The two mascots are supposed to be the embodiment of their names. One thing is for sure, Gliz is way too happy to be an ice cube.

Apparently, the duo was the winning submission out of 237 entries. Come on Italy — you had Michelangelo and Leonardo da Vinci, and this is the best you can do?