The Walking Dead 3.6: “We’re dying here”

We start with Merle and his search party out looking for Michonne, instead of picking up with Rick and his ringing phone. Michonne left a warning message made out of a dead body for Merle. Michonne is seriously f*cked up.

Merle taunts Michonne, “Us armed to the teeth, you with your little pig-sticker,” and Michonne kills two of Merle’s men. Ha!

Of course, that is murder. There’s a lot more regular murder on the show now, not just zombie-murder.

A young-sounding woman is on the phone with Rick. She’s “someplace safe”, but she won’t say where. Rick begging is painful to watch. (Officer Rick isn’t meant to beg!) But the girl hangs up anyway. Oh, I like how they’re playing this.

Merle pep-talks the young dude left with him after Michonne took down most of his group. I wish Merle was more obnoxious, but really, given the role he plays (the Governor’s beta), he’s actually pretty good at the tasks set before him. And they’ve backed off his crazy racist rhetoric from season one, so he’s borderline tolerable, in a weird way. I don’t like him, but I get him.

Of course Andrea’s found a way to rationalize away everything she saw at the Zombie Thunderdome. Of course she has.

Rick gets a call back. This unknown place is zombie free, but they won’t tell him where they are until he answers twenty questions. Rick talks about the people he killed, but when he won’t talk about Lori, the person hangs up. Oh, I LIKE how they’re playing this.

Andrea’s got a new playmate at Woodbury. She’s supposed to be a good shot and has a fancy bow, but she can’t hit a (slow) moving target. So Andrea goes over the wall and kills the zombie with a knife (to the eye). The bow-girl freaks out and says, “This isn’t a game.” But it seems like, except for Merle’s hunting teams, no one at Woodbury really knows how to handle zombies, unless from a distance. Which…will probably be relevant later on. (Supposition, not spoiler, chill.)

Herschel’s come to pep-talk Rick. From crazy farm cannibal to wise one-legged man. Rick tells Herschel about the girl on the phone, but when Herschel picks up the phone, we don’t know what/if he hears anything.

Back to Merle. Michonne gets the drop on him, but he disarms her, at which point they’re set on by zombies. Naturally.

EW ZOMBIE GUTS. That’s never not gross.

In the chaos, Michonne gets away

Daryl pep-talks Carl. This episode is the episode of pep-talks. We learn his mom died while smoking in bed. Carl’s like, “I shot my mom. Not the same thing, dude.”

Of course Andrea secretly liked the Zombie Thunderdome. Of course she did.

God Andrea is the least self-aware person EVER.

Merle figures that Michonne is as good as dead because she’s heading into the “red zone”, and she’s hurt, so he’s going to stop pursuing her. Which will come back to bite them on the ass. (Supposition, not spoiler.)

The young guy won’t lie to the Governor about not killing Michonne (for sure), so Merle kills him. Raise your hand if you totally saw that coming.

Michonne discovers the trick about being covered in zombie guts getting you past zombies unscathed.

The girl on the phone knows Rick’s name! THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE.

Michonne stumbles across Glenn and Maggie on a supply run.

Andrea and the Governor flirting. Christ I hope when the inevitable spree killing breaks out that Andrea is the first to go. Thinking back on the characters who have died since the end of season two, it’s everyone who either blocked the narrative or didn’t contribute to it. Andrea is the last one who failed to support a forward narrative left. She’s an awful character and everyone hates her and she DOES STUPID SH*T LIKE MAKE OUT WITH THE GOVERNOR.

MERLE! He also crosses paths with Glenn and Maggie (Michonne is still looking on).

Oh Glenn. Don’t fall for Merle’s whole “take me to Daryl and I’ll forget all about what happened in Atlanta” thing. And he doesn’t, thank goodness, but he draws on them and ends up forcing Glenn to drive him back to Woodbury. The seeds, they are sprouting.

But now Michonne knows about the prison. And maybe Glenn and Maggie can talk some sense into Andrea.

Daryl finds Carol’s knife in a zombie. So, she’ still alive somewhere in the prison then. We’ve never actually seen her body.

SURPRISE! It’s Lori on the phone. So Rick is nuts now, hallucinating phone calls with dead people. I know this happens in the comics, but I rather preferred his end-of-episode radio transmissions to Morgan in season one than to crazy babbling to Horrible Lori on the phone.

Of course Andrea is having sex with the Governor. Of course she is.

Merle reports back to the Governor and tells him he killed Michonne. (That will DEFINITELY come back to bite him on the ass.) The Governor wanted her head and her sword. BECAUSE HE’S A FREAK.

Rick is finally bonding with the baby.

Daryl, after working himself up to kill Zombie Carol, finds her alive, but hurt, in a cell. Now they can resume their creepy Oedipal relationship.