Just breathe, your life means nothing and your children’s lives are worth nothing and the only thing that matters is the almighty dollar

Yoga instructor:
“OK good, now hinge at the hips but don’t flip the tailbone and feel that stretch right from the heels to the tips of the fingers and come into the present moment, and dog stretch, and don’t think about this town, and if I see one more man with a bun, not a ponytail but an honest to god bun with an honest-to-god SCRUNCHIE and those birkenstocks like he’s some kind of homeless samurai… And he’s the one turning me down! Come on up–to hell with him—and reach up to the sky like yo’re at the airport getting a patdown because they discovered 150 mls of apple butter in your bag and they think you’re going to blow up the plane like some sort of apple butter vegan terrorist, and just let that go. Come on up into tree pose–if you can remember a tree standing up and not burned to the ground or clearcut and gather your energy like those 35K walruses who gathered together on that beach in Alaska because the ice is melting and the earth is dying–and release and just feel the weight of the world on your back and it’s crushing you, but stay in the present because THERE IS NO FUTURE because the government sold it to the highest bidder. Just breathe, your life means nothing and your children’s lives are worth nothing and the only thing that matters is the almighty dollar. And just feel the head drop, drop your head down and just bang your head a little bit because you’re a little bit angry… you know? Sure! You’re just a little tiny bit angry….”

Narrator:

“Sometimes yoga doesn’t cut it. Ask your doctor if marijuana is right for you. Brought to you by the Marijuana Growers of Canada.”