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Monday, May 08, 2017

I had thought that oh yeah I can totally do a post a month, fer sure and then I took on a big old fucking job at the farm and yeah no.
Good thing I only told myself I would post at least once a month and not you guys. Well, until now.

Whatever - HI! It's May! April sucked ass! Work is busy! It's like this for everyone! I'll stop whining.

Instead, I'll just give you guys another reason to think me a big fucking nerd.

I am on vacation next week.

Which is not nerdy.I plan to garden ALL week long.

Which is only vaguely nerdy. At least that's where it registers on my scale of nerdiness.

I chose to take this week off because it follows the plant sale at the college where I got my horticulture degree and this way I can prep for my vacation by buying a shit load of plants for my week of garden nerding.

Which is, like, pretty nerdy, I guess.

Last fall I gave my plant list for the native plant restoration project I'm doing at my house to my program chair from the horticulture department and he had the crop production classes grow out my plant list.

Am I getting warmer? I feel like this is warm nerd territory.

What if I told you that I planned to take this week off last year? Before I even knew that the California native plants of my heart's desire were going to be custom grown for me from a list of my own devising?

THAT WOULD BE NERDY.

I didn't do that. I only decided after the offer was made.

So, I'm only sort of plant nerdy. Like, on a scale of 1-10 where 1 is "What is a California Poppy?" and 10 is "IF YOU DON'T CALL IT ESCHSCHOLZIA CALIFORNICA YOU CAN DIE IN A FIERY HEAP OF FRESH CUPCAKE SHAPED WILD TURKEY SHIT!", I'm probably around a 6.

You know, where 6 is "I will ever so carefully weedwhack around all lacy poppy foliage on 5 acres of hillside in order to spare every last flower so that it may spread its seed far and wide because I love them so so much."

That's my level of nerdiness. I think, anyway.

So, if I live through this week of work, which is always in question until I finally tear off my boots at the end of the week, I will embark on a week of plant nerdiness that, until now, has only existed in my wildest nerd fantasies.

Wanna see the plants I'm getting?

Aesclepias speciosa, California Milkweed

Carpenteria Californica, Bush Anemone

Lupinus arboreus, Bush Lupine

Erigonum grande var. rubescens, Red Buckwheat

Eschscholzia californica, California Poppy

Diplacus aurantiacus, Sticky Monkey Flower

Salvia spathacea, Hummingbird Sage

And also others that I don't have photos of yet. And that the internet won't let me paste into Blogger for some mysterious reason that I don't have the energy to sort out.

So yeah, much gardening will happen in my life next week. I have big fancy plans to buy all the natives at the college plant sale whilst shoving grannies out of the way to get to all of my precious baby plants if I have to. After which, I will spend many days digging holes, planting, mulching and fighting off the deer with my gloved hands.

Because Bubba got a scythe to tame our hillside grass and it works so well and he is so badass that I had to have one, too.

JUST LOOK AT THIS AND TELL ME YOU DON'T WANT ONE.

I won't believe you.

The man cut 1/4 acre of grass and weeds down in 20 minutes.

20 MINUTES.

And he wasn't even out of breath.

So yeah, mine's en route. As is the cow horn whetstone holder because if you're going to use a scythe, why not go for the psycho gold and carry your whetstone in a cow horn?

And also why not wear your black hoodie with the skull and cross bones on the back, with the hood up, and pump French death metal until your neighbors are convinced that Death Herself has moved in next door?