Archives for July 2012

If you think that this sort of thing doesn’t happen here in the US, you’re wrong. Only we don’t use boobs, because that’s too obvious (not to mention, quite unacceptable in our culture). When times are tough, desperation can drive dentists to other ethical edges, like hiring only hygienists that are willing to sell unnecessary treatment to patients… instead of their own bodies.

A clinic hires only cute women in order to attract patients

I was so shocked, my jaw was hanging in astonishment. After all, I am a dental hygienist.”

So says Hiromi, a 24-year-old native of Shizuoka Prefecture, who, after graduating from an occupational training school, sought work in a Tokyo dental clinic as a hygienist.

“The head doctor’s a real slimeball, he only hires cute women in order to attract patients,” she reveals to Shukan Taishu.

Hiromi and three cute colleagues at the clinic filled out their tight, white uniforms, which in addition to exposing cleavage are also designed to show lots of leg.

“The clinic attracts salarymen working in the area,” she says. “We were told the uniform went with the job.”
About three months after she was hired, Hiromi was told by the doctor to emulate an older assistant named Megumi. While the sensei was filling a patient’s cavity, Megumi would lean up against their shoulder, giving them a generous feel of her substantial mammaries.

So good was her service that the patients were in the practice of requesting Megumi by name when they phoned for an appointment.

“Well then, I’ll give the patients an oppai (tittie) rub, the way Megumi does,” Hiromi informed her employer, who nodded in approval.

“Please do understand that in this business, times are hard, and that’s what we’ve got to do if we want to eat,” he explained. “If you emulate Megumi, patients will be able to disregard their pain, and want to come back again, you see? It’s a good form of communication beween the hygienist and the patients. And they’ll come back for more expensive treatments that aren’t covered by their health insurance.”

Actually Megumi was extremely talented in persuading patients for such elective services, cooing softly into their ear as she motherly nudged them, saying things like, “Rather than a silver crown, which will make you look older, a ceramic one will be much more attractive.”

But then something happened that discouraged Hiromi from working at that particular clinic.

It seems that while removing tar stains from the teeth of a middle-aged patient, he began returning the skinship, using his shoulder.

“He also began licking my finger while it was in his mouth,” she complained.

No longer able to restrain himself, the patient shifted to a full manual assault on her breasts, to which she loudly voiced her objections.

The head of the clinic, seeing that the patient was a good customer, told Hiromi to grin and bear it, and she resigned in a huff.

“The market for dental clinics in Tokyo is saturated, with more clinics than convenience stores. The situation has become severe,” says 26-year-old physician Mariko Yamashita. “What’s more, other businesses have been draining off dental patients, such as cosmetic surgeons who perform implants and estheticians who can do tooth whitening.”

In the past, dentists were once one of Japan’s “big three” most profitable operations, along with pachinko shops and obstetricians. But those days are gone for good.

“Patients who used to go running to their dentist whenever they felt a twinge of pain now refrain, or else only request work that is covered by their health insurance,” journalist Junji Maki tells Shukan Taishu. “That’s why I suppose clinics have become increasingly aggressive in efforts to attract more patients.”

A recent white paper on dental care reported that dentists need to treat 20 patients per day to break even, and that one dentist in five earns less than three million yen per year — less than the average cab driver.

Under such circumstances, the article concludes the emergence of doctors who expect hygienists to perform “breast massages” on patients may be a harbinger of a coming collapse in the dental profession. (K.S.)

Forget the holly-hauling, fruitcake-slicing, and carols at the spinet. We have a whole new way to usher in a little Christmas where we need it, right this very minute!

You just got a puzzled look on your face. This is stupid, you say. What do these small, wet disposable towels that you use to rub all the potential spittage off of your x-ray sensors and keyboards have to do with Christmas?

So. This all started about a month ago at an ophthalmologist’s office after waiting a painful amount of time in a quiet, poorly-lit room. The only entertainment was a red container of these towels, and prone as I am to fits of absurdity, I started cackling and generally cracking up because the ones we use in our dental practice are green, and of course I noticed the name of these things for the first. time. evah. Red. Green. Sani-Cloth.

*chortle*

*snort*

Sani-cloth. I’m a blind elf with a lisp. Does Sani-Cloth work with Hermey the elf? He wanted to be a dentist, not an optometrist. Ho Ho Ho!

*hiccup*

And here’s the WORST. worst worst worst example of what happens when humor strikes at the wrong time.

I had thoughts about Sani-Cloth on July 4th.

Only problem was, that day, I was with my extended family in an ICU unit, and my dearest, most precious, 92 year old grandfather was in his last moments of life. Right there, I picked up the red canister that they used in the hospital room, just like in the ophthalmology office, just like in our dental practice, and gave an appropriate preface to the punchline. Then I delivered it.

Ummm. Awkward bomb.

But my grandfather, this joke was right up his alley. He loved puns. In my mind I could hear his own special delight sound made to reward my well-paced dork moment.

Iz Zat You, Sani-Cloth?

I sang gently off-key, in Grandfather’s ear, with his hospital caregivers using the wipes to protect all of the armamentarium in the room from the ick of the world that we, his family, had probably brought with us when we were welcomed into this final sanctum.

He died just after midnight, a few hours later after I’d told him the last joke he would ever hear.

Thank you, Sani-Cloth, for your wet-wipe wellness, and for being at an absurd yet expected place at a sacred time. And thank you, Grandfather, for sharing your sense of humor.

*sniffle*

Also, a ton of gratitude goes to my cousin Greg for posting this video tribute to our grandfather on YouTube. And that first song? That was the one I just happened to be singing off-key in his ear at the hospital… 🙂

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DentalBuzz explores rising trends in dentistry with its own slant. The speed at which new products and ideas enter the dental field can often outpace our ability to understand just exactly the direction in which we are heading. But somehow, by being a little less serious about dentistry and dental care, we might get closer to making sense of it all.

So yeah, a tongue-in-cheek pun would fit really nicely here, but that would be in bad taste. Never mind, it just happened anyways. Stop reading sidebars already and click on some content instead.

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