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Tuesday, October 27, 2009

For a backwater burg with only a single watering hole, Bon Temps sure does have a lot of colorful characters passing in and out (well, those that end up making it out). Case in point: Check out the motley crew Alan Ball and Co. are introducing in season 3 (premiering next summer). While Ball teased some of these arrivals in my recent Q&A, there’s nothing like sinking your teeth into the actual casting notices.

* Tommy Mickens is a grungy but handsome man in his early ‘20s who just so happens to be Sam Merlotte’s long-lost younger brother. Apparently, at some point he’ll be showing his unadorned backside, which, with Sam’s similar feral tendency towards the “full moon,” proves that they really must be related after all.

*After his mysterious abduction, Bill finds himself with the latest addition to the True Blood Gallery of Impossibly Attractive Male Vampires (or the TBGIAMV). Talbot, a bitingly (har har) sarcastic vampire with a model’s looks, will appear starting in the second episode as a guide of sorts for the kidnapped vamp.

* More news on the PYT front is the appearance of Jesus Velasquez, an unordinary orderly with a heart to match his good looks.

* In a friendly bit of one-upmanship, Tara gets her very own over-protective vampire buddy. And a “sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy” one at that. That’s right, four sexys. Eat that, Sookie. The neckbiter, Franklin Mott, is also clearly in the running for TBGIAMV status.

* We’ve had vampires, shape-shifters, and demi-gods, and now the next supernatural spook to waltz through Louisiana is…rednecks?! Well, maybe they aren’t so unearthly, but they can sure pack a punch and we can expect a group of them, led by a guy named Coot (of course), to unleash their mobile home magic on some of our dear characters.

* Jason Stackhouse will find that his notoriously limitless libido has taken a hit, when two NYU girls, Jen and Missy, ménage à try to get him into the sack to little avail.

* Yvetta, Fangtasia’s new Czechoslovakian dancer, is tremendously hot and comfortable being in the buff. Oh, and she makes lots of sexy time with Eric. (Don’t shoot the messenger!)

* Tara’s ever-distraught mom turns to the church for comfort (and maybe a little more) in the form of the honorable Reverend Daniels.read on

Movie Line lays it out nicely here and uses this photo *Dallas clutches her pearls*

Acolytes of the Church of True Blood are likely finding their Sunday evenings a little bit lonelier ever since Bill, Sookie, Eric and the other flush horndogs of Bon Temps sealed their crypts for the season. But if you just can’t wait until next summer for a fresh round of bloodsucking and fangbanging to begin, perhaps your hunger can be satisfied with this list of casting notices for Season 3, leaked by SpoilerTV.com. But can they outdo the bathtime hand jobs and lesbian crotch-lunching that made Season 2 such a dependably erotic treat? We believe they can!

That’s because virtually ever character description fumbles for the words to accurately relay just how bodice-rippingly, fang-baringly, pole-dancingly smokin’ they want these new additions to be.

Here they are — we’ve bolded the bits (“sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy,” “impressive,” “gorgeously hot,” “moves with the aid of a walker,” etc…) that got us particularly hot under the lace collar.

[TOMMY MICKENS] 18 to 25 years old, dirty but good-looking, with a scar on his face from ear to cheek, he is Sam’s (Sam Trammell) long lost younger brother who works at a Tire Depot in Arkansas. Tommy’s family has a bad reputation for skipping out on their rent and owing money all over town. When Sam approaches him, Tommy hides his identity and claims to be someone else. He’s unaware who Sam is. BACKSIDE NUDITY…SERIES REGULAR (31)

[TALBOT] Male, 20s - 30s. This “intensely beautiful” male vampire has the buff good looks of an underwear model and an acerbic and sarcastic manner. Full of dishy sarcasm and cheerful prattle, he shows Bill around a magnificent mansion where Bill has been “invited” to stay for a spell…STRONG RECURRING (11) THIS ROLE FIRST APPEARS IN EPISODE 302

[JESUS VELASQUEZ] An attractive Latino orderly in his 20s to 30s. We come to learn he is a gay, Latino, attractive orderly! He’s feeding Ruby Jean at her care facility. As good-natured as he is handsome, he takes his demented patient’s racist gibes in stride.sptv050769..VERY STRONG RECURRING POSSIBLE OPTION FOR SERIES REGULAR NEXT SEASON (27) THIS ROLE FIRST APPEARS IN EPISODE 302

[FRANKLIN MOTT] Male, 25-mid 40’s and sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy. This tall, dark and handsome vampire seems to have an immediate and torrid connection to Tara, whom he meets in the local bar. He later rushes to Tara’s aid when she faces down a couple of racist rednecks…VERY STRONG RECURRING (49) THIS ROLE FIRST APPEARS IN EPISODE 302

[COOTER AKA “COOT”] In his 30s, menacing, the ringleaders of the F*ck You Crew, he and his biker thugs take turns stabbing Bill and feeding on him. Coot hates being told what to do…VERY STRONG RECURRING (3)

[JEN AND MISSY] These impressive young women in their early 20s, recent NYU grads who are both studying to become vets, wind up spending the night with Jason (Ryan Kwanten). Despite their attempts to get him in the mood, including making out with each other and agreeing to a threesome, they grow irritated by Jason’s lack of enthusiasm, and then downright disturbed by his admission that when he looks at them, he sees bullet holes in their heads…GUEST STAR ROLES. Above the waist nudity required. (38)

[YVETTA] Female, 20’s, gorgeously hot Eastern European is Eric’s (Alex Skaarsgard) new dancer at Fangtasia. She speaks Czechoslovakian with subtitles and knows how to work a stripper pole. She and Eric have a sexual relationship…2 lines, 3 scenes / POSSIBLE RECUR (36) Actress must be able to dance and be comfortable with nudity.

[REVEREND DANIELS] Male, African American. The pastor at Lettie Mae’s church, he tries to offer comfort to Tara, and suggests that all her hardships are part of God’s plan to bring her back to her mother. He’s a bit uncomfortable when Lettie Mae’s hug goes on too long…GUEST STAR (32)

[OLIVIA] This elderly woman in her 80s, who moves with the aid of a walker and also uses an oxygen tank, lives in a house in the middle of nowhere. She mistakes Bill for her son…GUEST STAR (48)

[BETTY] In her late 30s to early 40s, African American, she lives in a rundown street in Arkansas. She’s amazed that Sam is able to subdue her pit bull, and she tries to help him find someone he’s looking for…2 speeches & 8 lines, 1 scene (24)

[MARVIN] 40 years old, African American, he is Betty’s husband who comes to the door and grumbles about the Mickens. He “tsk-tsk”s when he finds out Sam’s related to them…1 speech & 3 lines, 1 scene (25)

I'm as pickled as a prom queen in pig's blood to unveil CampBlood.org's latest video series, just in time for Halloween:

CampBlood "House of Horrors"!

We've married our loves of horror, entertaining and home projects into what will undoubtedly be the most insane (and insanely informative!) lifestyle series ever. It's the show that puts the "die!" in DIY!

For the first episode we’ve recruited a few of our ridiculously talented friends to devise some quick and easy Halloween-themed projects to help you get ready for the big day in just a few hours and for under $20 a pop:

*Ladyfingers!Christianshares his recipe for deliciously demented pretzels that look like severed lady’s digits. But first he has to get his nails did!

* Ghoul Makeup 1-2-3!Makeup artist Sacred turns horror hunk Joe Zaso into a walking corpse in under 20 minutes with basic supplies you can get at any drugstore. If you’re looking for a fun, easy look for a ghoul’s night out, you can’t go wrong with this how-to.

DEFINITION OF A VAMPIREA vampire is a reanimated, soulless, dead human who must drink the blood of others to remain “alive.”

VAMPIRES THEN AND NOW (DIFFERENCES)

Then: Vampires were things of fear and disgust. They could shape-shift to gain access to their prey. Sunlight was painful, debilitating and resulted in death if exposed long enough. Their goal was simply survival.

Now: Vampires possess unearthly physical beauty. Shape-shifting may be alluded to but isn’t common. Sunlight causes pain but can be endured as they now try to blend into human civilization.

VAMPIRES THEN AND NOW (SIMILARITIES)

Both possess more than human strength and speed and appear to have telepathic abilities. They, for all their strengths, remain vulnerable to humans.

Q: I've been invited to a Halloween costume party that will be babe central. I don't want to dress up as some lame monster -- I want to look cool. What kind of costumes really attract women?

A: It's always easy to look hot in a costume as long as you have the confidence to own the character you're projecting.

I've worked on films where the actors wore ridiculous outfits but buried themselves so deep into their role, they not only pulled it off, but looked sexy as hell doing it. Confidence is seductive, no matter how you dress it up. If you have a presence and you believe in yourself, it will be hot ... even if you're dressed as an Eskimo.

At the moment, nothing is hotter than the undead. From True Blood to Twilight, vampires are getting women's blood rushing all over the country -- and it can be a very cool look for a guy. It's just the right combination of scary and sexy. Just get a nice tailored pair of black pants -- leather would be especially scandalous. Put on a white button-front shirt of very sheer or luxurious cotton fabrics with collars, worn open and tucked into the pants. Add an interesting, exotic and expensive-looking necklace (from a thrift store) that looks real enough to be 50 Cent-worthy. Slick back your hair to look particularly refined, and add a cape or a long jacket to embellish the look of exotic opulence.

Now that you've gone all Stephen Moyer with your threads, it's time to add a dash of horror with a little makeup and some spooky accoutrements. Pick up a pair of fangs from any costume store. (Just make sure they're the kind that make you look edible to women and not like Jerry Lewis in The Nutty Professor.) Then buy a little fake blood from any costume store and drip it from the corners of your eyes or mouth to let people know you mean business. Put a little eyeliner around your eyes and some dark eye shadow below them, and you'll bore holes through all the beauties in the room. Then make your face pale with some light powder makeup, and you'll be the hottest dead dude at the party.

Congratulations! You're frighteningly irresistible! You won't need a stake to pierce anyone's heart; just make sure to get home before the sun comes up.

(The Frisky) -- When I try to explain my ardor for HBO's trashy-fabulous soap opera "True Blood" to my dude friends, they either shrug and change the topic, or question whether I've been writing for ladyblogs for too long and am suffering from a form of Stockholm Syndrome.

Dudes just don't dig bloodsuckers, since vampires pretty much look like girls. We prefer zombies, because we love chainsaws, flamethrowers, and samurai swords.

And because, on some level, we know that besides being vehicles for sperm, our other important, if lesser, genetic imperative is to defend our loved ones from hordes of unthinking, flesh-eating metaphors for current social anxieties.

To most guys, vampires are the monster movie equivalent of that sensitive man-sponge in college who plays acoustic guitar in order to seduce chicks. They're what you get when you cross your average Renaissance Fair enthusiast with a mosquito.

And what's with their greatest weaknesses being most kinds of Italian food, Sunday school, and the sun, which helps flowers grow? Really? Why women find date-rapey parasites who wear capes compelling must have something to do with deeply primal fears.