On December 1st, Morrissey—of The Smiths fame—won the vaunted Bad Sex in Fiction Award for the "giggling snowball of full-figured copulation" in his novel, List of the Lost. While a brillant lyricist, it seems that Morrissey has some way to go with his fiction. Hopefully this will convince my dad that I can't just write the song for which he already has a title—Leftovers Hangover—and make the "big bucks."

As the conventions of spelling in English were solidifying in the mid-19th century, S.P Andrews and Augustus Boyle set out to simplify the process (words initially misspelled in that sentence: 4) (words misspelled in that parenthetical: 2). In their eyes, spelling built an unnecessary obstacle towards literacy. Their solution: the creation of a phonetic language.

Have you ever proclaimed? What about declared? Hissed? Barked? An easy way to improve your writing is to, with few exceptions, opt for the simple, plain 'said' for a dialogue tag.

But a procession of she explained and he chuckled and I expostulated—the reporting verbs that clog your dialogue when you follow the “never say said” rule—is worse, because they force the reader’s attention away from the content of the writing and onto the writer’s hunt for synonyms.