A blog about the Big Four of the English Premier League

Things I’m Certain Of and Ruthless Digs

If god came to me and asked me to pick one game where we were going to switch off and let in a late equalizer thereby letting go of 2 points I’d have picked AZ Alkmaar in the Champions League group stages without blinking an eye. This phenomenon was something that I feel was our undoing last season (apart from the fact that we were pretty poor otherwise too). Off the top of my head I can recall the same clammy feeling in the pit of my stomach when we conceded to Villa and let Ashley Young put back that smug look back on Martin O’Neill’s face, let Yossi contort his body to bundle the ball in for Liverpool’s fourth and worst of them all let the Spuds score TWICE in injury time to score four again at the grove no less. Bad times indeed. However, this draw will be totally inconsequential in the large scheme of things and we will certainly top Group H. Of that there is absolutely no doubt in my mind.

Something else which I am almost certain of is the fact that then next 3 European fixtures are the last Champions League games Liverpool will play for another 18 months. However I am not so certain that a certain Rafael Benitez will still be around to watch them free of charge.

Any Tuesday/Wednesday post would be incomplete without my usual anti Ten Sports tirade. Honestly, do they STILL think a Liverpool game is more exciting? I had to watch the game on a streaming video that resembled Monet’s canvas – A riot of color with no clear discernable form. With Dutch commentary to boot. I’m composing a strongly worded petition to Sheikh Whoever to stop dabbling in the broadcasting industry and instead do what every self respecting ‘oil money rich’ Arab does and go buy a football team instead.

Now admittedly the day the draw was made was the first I’d ever heard of AZ (and Rubin Kazan, Unirea Urigisdkfgjsdj too of course never mind the fact that they’re ‘Champions’ of their home leagues). Interesting trivia – The club, right now is as poor as the Micawbers and has total liquid and fixed assets amounting to about $27. $ Singapore of course. They’re however managed by Ronald Koeman who is a pretty shrewd tactician and Le Boss has never beaten him right from his Ajax days. He was at hand to watch us purge the footballing world of evil Sam’s filth and must’ve spent some sleepless nights before the game.

A hundred odd pundits joined me in collectively scoffing at him when he announced he was planning to pass and play Arsenal out of it. “Surely not!” we exclaimed. “The obvious way to beat Arsenal is to sign Predator (from Alien vs. Predator naturally) and muscle us out of it using long balls and set pieces!” Turns out we were both right and wrong. AZ being a Dutch club has around 10 Vermaelens. By that I don’t mean 10 Jude Law lookalikes, I mean 10 people who string a pretty pass together. For large parts of the game AZ kept the ball competently though they were as imaginative as (to quote Robin Williams) ‘Ray Charles in the Louvre’ – they didn’t have a clue in our half! AZ’s possession was largely limited to the following sequence – Centerhalf – Other Centerhalf – Wingback – Other Centerhalf – Goalkeeper – Centerhalf – Defensive Midfielder – Other Centerhalf and so on.

We prodded and probed but weren’t helped by a slightly out of form Cesc who in turn wasn’t helped by a wet playing surface. The goal did come however through the combined efforts of the three men who I believe will be instrumental in winning us the league this year. Arshavin slipped RvP through who in turned served a tap in on a platter for El Capitan. Arshavin tried to chip one in, Van Persie drew a couple of ‘Huh! What happened?’ saves and for all our domination and penalty claims we couldn’t fire home our second. When AZ did score, it came from a traditional good 93rd minute hoof of the ball, a sleepy defense, a header to put the ball in orbit and a foot to meet the ball when it came down again. One shot on target, one goal. Seems like everyone is pissed with the result though. Our own Jude law lookalike described the feeling akin to that of a loss. Le Boss said:

“We feel frustrated because we felt superior to this team. We had a good performance and couldn’t take advantage of our chances. And in the final minute we got caught. That’s the Champions League. You need focus for 93 minutes. We made maybe one mistake and we paid for it.”

I’m happy that we’re feeling this way really. What we need is exactly that. The disgust and self loathing after a draw even should gnaw at our deepest innards and give us the feeling that our intestines are being dissolved in acid (real proper acid, not the pansy digestive stuff) so that we come back the next game remembering how sick we felt the last time we dropped points and we proceed to plunder 6 more goals past our opponents. Similarly we should be filled with exultation comparable to a high that a cocktail of potent narcotics provides every time we win so that we never want to drop another point again. We’re almost there I believe. And that will make all the difference this time around. Us fans needn’t worry too much about this result. I’m sure Sunday and West Ham will see us back in business.

Thank god we’re not losing 4 consecutive games and don’t have a Centerhalf talk about how you need to rally and get your fans to stick by you even though you’re almost certainly not in the picture domestically and in Europe for the rest of the season.