A new month, a new me?

July has only just begun and already so many things have happened. I’ll try and create a cohesive list but I only had three hours sleep last night so, to quote one of my favourite tv shows, ‘bear with!’

1) I got a date for my operation!

YAY! Not really something most people would be excited about but then again, most people haven’t spent the last three and a half years in total agony fighting within the health system to get someone to listen and investigate the pain. My consultant has made it clear he thinks it unlikely he will find anything. He left it up to me and I’d rather know one way or the other. I’ve pretty much accepted that I’ll have to make sacrifices in life and that I’ll probably always have to live with this condition but it would just be a relief of sorts to have someone confirm what it is causing all this. The confirmation letter came two days ago, I go in on the 17th. I’m half-excited, half-terrified but I’ve decided that whatever comes of it, I can rest assured that I did everything within my power to find out what’s wrong with me. (Yes, in my mind I am convinced it is endo but even though I was diagnosed 4 years ago, no one seems to take heed of it)

2) I foresaw my possible future in a comedy movie

I went to see the Five Year Engagement yesterday. I knew that my Fairy Godmother had seen it and didn’t like it at all. I quite like Jason Segel and found the idea of it intriguing. Now, it isn’t laugh-a-minute and I didn’t find it as funny as Knocked Up or I Love You, Man but I did enjoy it. It got its laughs from awkward situations, something which I easily identify with. I have a tshirt that says ‘Well, this is awkward’ on the front and ‘well, that was awkward’ on the back. I should wear that a lot.

Anyway, yes, the female character (played by Emily Blunt – an odd but strangely believable choice) is an academic. I don’t think I’d be giving away too much of the plot if I said that she gets a post-doc fellowship and they move for her to take it up, thus prolonging the length of their engagement. As she settles into the academic life, I found myself getting more and more uncomfortable. Jason Segel as her husband-to-be (adorable as ever) struggles with the strain her intellectual success puts on their relationship. I’ll be honest, it scared the crap out of me. I’ve been thinking that my health would be the biggest obstacle to a future serious relationship, I never even thought about my probable career choice. What if I become Violet? What if I pursue my academic dreams to the detriment of my personal life? I left the cinema with a head full of thoughts and worries over my future.

3) I flirted like nobody’s business

I am a flirt anyway and I’m okay with it. It’s just part of who I am, I like the chase and the banter. But this week it went into overdrive. In work on Monday, I discovered further proof that Jam and I are, in fact, made for each other when he revealed he loved Irn Bru just as much as I do. This may seem like the stupidest thing in the world to get excited about but considering how much stick I get for being addicted to the orange stuff, it was just too cool to find this out. He had stopped drinking it because it had too much sugar and was making him hyper and he hadn’t even heard of sugar-free. So, naturally, I brought him a bottle on Tuesday and left it on his desk. When I saw him an hour or so later he was practically bouncing up and down saying he knew straight away it was from me and that it had totally made his day. By the end of the day, he was telling me that I had re-ignited his old addiction and that he needed more. We joked that I was enabling him. I flirted with him shamelessly, boosting his ego to the point where he said that I quote; “always make him feel awesome”. I was his very own enabler with both his Irn Bru addiction and making him feel better just by being around. Naturally, this delighted me. However I also spent most of Tuesday working alongside his housemate Butter (upon whom my friend has a crush) and chatting to him. Butter and I get along great and we barely shut up all day. At one point I realised that I was perhaps being too friendly to him but then he threw some things into the conversation which made me wonder. Talking about the house he shares with Jam and its lack of tidiness, I expressed surprise that Jam would be untidy. Butter responded, ‘Well, when you see his room, you’ll believe it.’ I stumbled and questioned this, asking why on earth I would be in his room to which he mysteriously replied, ‘But when you come to our house, you’re going to be in his room’ as if it was the most obvious thing on earth. So, all over again I am left in a wonderment over how Jam feels about me and in a new quandary over whether I should do anything.

4) I discovered that in spite of everything, my life is pretty damn awesome

An old school friend got in touch last week to say she was moving in a stone’s throw from where I lived and would I fancy a catch-up? I popped by yesterday and saw her for the first time in three years. We chatted and caught up fully. Every story I told seemed so fantastic to her. Even the medical saga. She marvelled at how so much has happened to me since we left school while she has done very little. I suppose, when you look at it objectively, I have achieved quite a lot. It’s easy to forget and get so bogged down in the here and now but really, I have a lot to be thankful for.

5) Things are FINALLY back to normal with Best Friend (hooray!)

The weirdness that has been lingering over us since early March was finally Expecto Patronumed away today as we had brunch and saw each other for the first time in weeks. It feels so good to have my friend back. I don’t know what did it, maybe the time apart, but whatever it was, I’m so pleased that phase is over. He did raise concerns over my male companions, particularly after I told him about the last conversation I had with Lucius. (We had coffee and Lucius told me, while holding my hand, that he was attracted to me but couldn’t act on it because he wanted to keep me as a friend and if he let himself start he would ‘ruin’ me and remove all my innocence. It was certainly an….interesting conversation.) He did like the sound of Jam though. Although, truth be told, I am so infatuated with Jam that I was making him sound like a god among mere mortals. A theoretically attainable object of perfection. The next best thing to Benedict Cumberbatch. I haven’t had it this bad in a looooooooooong time. I feel like I’m 14 again.