Wednesday, April 11, 2007

"Tressel Hayes Huffines -- sounds as sweet as an OSU victory over Michigan," said the boy's father who added, "If nothing else, it assures the Buckeye tradition stays in the family. Can you imagine someone named Tressel Hayes going to Michigan for college?"

Gee, with the father's apparent obsession with the Wolverines, I suppose the kid can at least be happy his name isn't Tressel AnnArborIsAWhore Huffines. So he's got that going for him.

More surprising, however, we can't imagine how this guy got somebody to procreate with him. Tressel Hayes? Uh, there's being a fan and there's crazy. Well, at least that's what I told my pet goldfish, Woodson Ufer Leach Canham Yost.

But to prove we're not totally heartless, Benny and I are thinking of picking up a gift for the little Buckeye bundle of joy at the previously named "Screw Michigan Store" now known as Rival Fan Gifts (although the link still says "Screw Michigan") .

Unfortunately, since we couldn't find a sweater vest one-sy, we settled on something from the store that just says, in a classy way, Welcome to the world, little man!

For years there was a state senator in the ohio legislature by the name of Ted Grey. Had a daughter named --- Scarlett Anne. Now, as goofy (and admittedly, fairly clever) as that is, “Scarlett” at least is a “real” name. if she ever moved outside of franklin county, it wasn’t likely that people not familiar w/ tosu football would laugh hysterically upon being introduced to “scarlett grey”. Same goes for anyone named “jim”, “earl”, or even “woody”. Hell, you could probably get by w/ “hayes”.

But “tressel”?? imagine this poor kid going into a job interview w/ a bank in Chicago or New York and being asked if “tressel” was some sort of family name? how do you explain your father was such a bassackwards truck driver that he named you for a football coach @ the local college where you born 25 years beforehand???

And, forgetting for a minute the tosu thing, just how insecure/whacked do you have to be that as a parent, you name your kid anything for the expressed purpose of trying to prevent them from exercising their own judgment 20 years into the future? What a sad life to which this kid has to look forward.

whet,you have to admit it's not normal. they ran the story on the front page of the dispatch. if it was "common", would it have been news?

i'll give you this much- in a world filled w/ "dakota"s & other funky trendy names, "tress" is not obnoxious, but it's still not a real "name". why not name him "horseshoe" or "schott"? "c-deck"? they're as much of a first name as "tressel".

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