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I am really beginning to hate my job. I like some of the people there, but the job itself taxes me so completely. It is not even a physical thing, it is an emotional and spiritual thing. I feel awful when I get to work, feel worse and worse all day while I am there, and I cannot wait to get out of there in the evenings and just go home. i realize jobs are not supposed to be all fun and games, but seriously, my job makes me feel more depressed than even the usual winter blues make me feel.

I applied for a different job, and I am anxiously waiting to hear back about it. It is doing something I actually like doing, not doing something that makes me feel like a heel. I know that what i am doing now is necessary, but it makes me feel like such a heel. I actually hate myself while I am at work, and that just isn’t right.

So I am crossing my fingers and wishing and hoping that i get the job I applied for and that things will be better for me. I am tired of feeling like this, and I want to be happy at work again.

You know when you move to a new place, it always seems so easy. You pack up your old life, move to a new place, and then unpack things and start again with the living, right? But there is always one thing you are looking for, as you unpack, and you don’t feel right until you find it.

That is how I feel about my pictures. I don’t have a lot of them from when I was a kid, and I know that they are somewhere, amid the boxes and totes, I just have yet to find them, and it is beginning to wreak havok with my mind. What if they got lost? What if they were missed in the move and never got packed in the first place? Where could they possibly be? It is making me just a little crazy, I think. I need to find them, because there is no way of replacing them, no one to whom I can go to find them again. Out of my brothers and sisters, I am the only one who has any, and I need to find the precious few that I do have.

One of my biggest peeves is people talking about things that they don’t know anything about, especially when it involves someone I care about. Why take someone’s life and turn it into a circus for your own enjoyment? That is petty and sick and tells people that basically, you suck and can’t be trusted.

Don’t you hate that? You go to sleep maybe not feeling the greatest, but you are not SICK. Then the next morning you wake up and you are achy, feverish, nauseated…rest and time did not improve my situation. I had the nausea and vomiting yesterday. Today I have the added insult of a head stuffed with cotton and my throat feels like it is on fire, and guess what? I don’t have the option of missing work, and my job requires me to be on the phone. ALL DAY. So I am going to have to be drowning myself in tea for at least the next twelve hours just to combat the throat issue.

I have an ongoing love/hate relationship with my throat. It started about 5 years ago when I developed several tumors from Hashimoto’s disease on my thyroid and had surgery. They left a piece of one of the tumors on my voice box, because they didn’t want to chance severing my vocal cords. Well, a year ago this past July, I had to have another surgery, this time to remove my entire thyroid, because not only did the tumors return, but so did my thyroid they had cut off in the hemithyroid surgery. Yes, it grew back. So this time, they took the whole thing and they carefully shaved the piece growing through my vocal cords off and I had to undergo therapy to regain full use of my voice. I got my voice back, thankfully, but ever since then, it pretty much behaves however it wants to. I have woken up unexpectedly with no voice at all, for no reason except that a viral infection set in in the middle of the night and took it away from me. No symptoms, no warning. FUN!

So I am going to rest today and try not to talk, and see how I fare. Hopefully tomorrow I will be good to go. Might have to try some slippery elm in my tea just to make sure that everything is in tip top shape for the long day tomorrow.