Between Allergies and Tracy, I’m Super Pissed.

I’ve talked before about my miserable meat allergy. Lately it has seemed to be getting better and I started to let my guard down. Last night it attacked in full force, and if I’d thought I could make it to the ER without shitting my pants, I would’ve gone.

We ate dinner at a family restaurant where we’ve eaten tons of times before. I ordered mashed potatoes and gravy. I’m thinking the gravy was the culprit – maybe cooked with sausage or bacon grease. Who knows.

Anyway, we weren’t even home yet before my stomach starting cramping horribly. I was squirming all over the seat, holding my poor belly, and yelling at my husband to hurry up.

He very calmly pointed out that he was going as fast as he could and I very irately pointed out that that wasn’t nearly fast enough. I was dying, HELLO?

We made it to my grandma’s house, which is only about a mile from my own, when I couldn’t wait any longer. I told him to pull over and let me out. I ran barefooted into the house and curled up in a ball of misery on her bathroom floor. I’m sure they thought I was crazy.

My mom showed up and I didn’t even care that she barged in on me in the bathroom, because I just knew the pain was going to kill me.

After throwing up and doing some other disgusting business, the pain kept on. Then I turned bright red from my head to my toes. My skin burned like I was on fire and anywhere I was touched hurt. It was like all my nerve endings were on the outside of my skin. I was freezing, but couldn’t stand for anything to touch me. I was swelling up, but not having trouble breathing. I took Benadryl and prayed and cried and prayed.

You know something bad is happening when you find yourself laying naked on the bathroom floor crying and it’s not even your bathroom.

I comforted myself by telling a story in my head of how heroic I was in overcoming this deadly allergy and the medal I would get once I survived. But then my daydream took a turn for the worse because they gave my medal to someone named Tracy. It was bullshit. It was also my daydream, so I don’t even know how that happened. That bitch Tracy needs to get her own fantasy.

So I guess that kind of gives you an idea of my state of mind during an allergic reaction. I rip all my clothes off and moan and have delusions. Good thing we at least made it to my grandma’s, because doing all that in the restaurant might have been awkward.

Do you have any weird allergies? When you’re really sick, do you make up stories to entertain yourself? Do you know this Tracy?

It's easy to share this post. Not like sharing pie. I would never ask you to share pie.

I didn’t know you could be allergic meat! That’s horrible. I was lactose intolerant as a child. I get mad at others who refer to it as an intolerance as if that meant it was any less uncomfortable than an allergy. The reaction you have to meat? I used to have that to the presence of whey in a cookie. One cookie. Forget full on dairy, I couldn’t even have whey in a cookie.

My 3 yr old grandmother got swarmed by ticks recently..which I’ve never heard of. They pulled 7 off of her and they had that many on them as well…they were fortunate that they got them off pretty quick and so far there doesn’t seem to be any issues…but I’m still freaked out by it

Oh no! I would be freaked out too. I try to tell people around here about it, because if a kid got it, it would be so bad! Usually I don’t react until 4-6 hours after I eat, so it was really hard to get a diagnosis. It can kill you though – I mean, your lips swell and my throat swells…it’s so scary. Watch her for tummy aches after eating anywhere from one hour to 8 hours after eating, or rashes. Some people get horrible hives; I usually turn bright red.

Oh how I love you… Weird allergies? Not really. Lots of allergies? Yup. There’s only 2 antibiotics I can take. Most pain pills do nothing. Lamictal damn near killed me. I don’t generally do anything too odd, but I have found myself naked on someone else’s floor while sick before. I think that was alcohol poisoning though.

No, I mean, I have, but it came right out of a bottle. When I was a very small person my hair was so pale it was white. Now it’s kind of white again, but only in places. The rest of it is this terrible dead-mouse brown color.

I’m really sorry this happened to you! My real name is Tracy (and spelled Tracy, not Tracey or Traci or Tracee or any of the other million ways you can spell it), but it wasn’t me, I swear! I’ve never won anything in my life. Please don’t hate me, guys. It was weird when I saw the title of this post in my email 🙂

Here is my public service announcement for all food allergy sufferers who dine out;

The Kitchen and the Server Don’t Care and Can Not be Trusted.

I know because I have worked in restaurants off and on for a shamefully long time. Shit you would NEVER imagine is in your food is in there. Bacon grease in salad dressings? Yup. Chicken Shmaltz in mashed potatoes? Yup. (That was probably your culprit Steph – it’s chicken fat in a paste form). Chicken stock in fish dishes and so called vegetarian dishes? Oh hell yes.
Best way to handle a serious food allergy is to appeal to the server in a polite and friendly way – be specific and to the point. Mention that you are highly allergic and will have a severe and sudden reaction. Then pray.

And if you do not have a REAL allergy then do not fake it. You are ruining it for people who actually have something to worry about and it makes servers more skeptical and less likely to take real allergy sufferers seriously (I am looking at YOU “Gluten Intolerant/fake Celiac people!! – Please do not pretend to have Celiac Disease when you don’t really have it – that shit is for real)

Whew – I feel better. And yeah – make friends with your servers Steph and avoid the shmatlz. 🙂

I’m reading this thinking Sweet Cheese that poor girl!! Holy shit, Steph. That’s intense. I’m so sorry. For you. For anyone that has an allergic that severe. I never really knew allergies could be that god awful (aside from peanut), but I’m learning so much from the blogoshere, and I must say, I’m adding *no allergies* to my list of things I’m incredibly grateful for!

I think I told you once before that I am allergic to mushrooms. One guy I dated loved them. He knew I was allergic, but one time kissed me right after he ate them without thinking about it or alerting me to this fact. My lips proceeded to blow up until my friend told me that I reminded her of Octomom. Not a great feeling. I was hoping more for Angelina Jolie, not a crazed women who purposefully allowed someone to impregnate her with 8 babies after already having a half a dozen at home. Oh, and that relationship didn’t work out because he was cheating on me with a girl named Tricia…..maybe she’s Tracy’s younger sister?

Uh, Tracy and this allergy sound completely fucking horrible. I’m only allergic to a few antibiotics. A little inconvenient, but not “I’m going to punch someone in the fucking face” awful. Thinking about you. xoxo

This is all MY stuff. Don’t take my stuff.

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