Pastafarian heaven is regarded by all pastafarians as a paradise, but what most down know is that there are also darker parts of the heaven. Beyond the larger part of pastafarian heaven, with its beer volcano and stripper factory, beyond the boiling pots and spaghetti fields lies the dark and towering Coffee Mountain.

The Coffee Mountain is by no means a normal mountain. The mountain contain a power source that, when utilized correctly, can be extremely powerful: the coffee bean. Also, from this mountain runs the soda river, which I hear is quite refreshing

But coffee is not the only thing in the mountain. Lurking throughout the mountain's dark caverns are bears, who guard the mountain at FSM's command. So all heretics seeking coffee beware, for the bears are watching...

well obviously there would be a coffee mountain, how else will you deal with being hung over from the beer volcano? not to mention, in my opinion, heaven would probably have a large amount of caffine for all followers of his noodlyness to bask in

RAmen

Hail Pasta! Full of Sauce! The cheese is with you! Yummy are you among foodstuffs, and yummy is the companion to you, meatballs!

Yummy Pasta, product of semolina, nourish us now and at the hour of our supper, RAmen --Zankou

See, this is where advertising comes in. People are followers, and if they see on the tele, which I assume they would have in heaven, that Starbucks makes the greatest coffee you've ever had, and they say that the volcanoes basically serve diarrhea in a cup, then voila! Capitalism and bad coffee conquer heaven.

Look at the very rise of Starbucks! Their success is based entirely on convincing morons that Starbucks is the best in the world, and chic, and then adding two dollars onto the price, whereas in reality, I can go to the local coffee shop and get a mocha that actually has flavor, and I pay less. At least, I could before there was a Starbucks on every block and the small shops didn't have to raise their prices to compete.

Vote Pieces for Pope! She didn't buy me off with the funny hat, I swear!... She made me a cardinal.