David Byrne

Wednesday, June 24

Dear David Byrne: I am a singer who used to be in a popular and highly influential 80s band until we broke up because we all hated each other. Since then, I have pursued a solo career, but all anyone ever wants to talk about is if Ill get my old band back together. Its driving me crazy. What do I do about this?  S. Morrissey

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Dear S. Morrissey: Trust me, I know exactly what you mean. Its like people expecting you to get back together with your ex-wife after youve escaped a 15-year mindfuck of a marriage. The key word here is crazy  instead of just making boring albums that dont compare to your old bands work, you gotta do a bunch of weird projects so people think youre a batshit nutso artiste whos off in your own world, and then theyll leave you alone because they dont understand you. For example, Ive recently designed New York City bike racks that look like coffee mugs and ladies shoes, and chairs that look like file cabinets and dog toys. Ive done performance art using PowerPoint, and I rigged a giant building with sound-generating devices and a trigger mechanism to turn the place into one big musical instrument. It also helps if you stare at people a lot without speaking. Or twitch.