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This Cut Is The Deepest… Our Failed Adoption

I’ve waited awhile to talk about this publicly. Maybe we needed time to grieve, because in a sense it felt like we had children that just died. Maybe I was in denial, just hoping that things would somehow change and our children would be able to come home with us.

Two months ago we learned that an uncle objected to the adoption of Jonathan, most likely because of the strange rumors about adoption traveling around Ghana. You see, our kids were almost home. They were legally our children, legally deemed orphans and we even just needed one more piece of paper to officially have those visas stamped in their already printed passports.

When we learned of this, Jonathan was already moved from the foster home to live with the uncle that was never in his life in the first place.

We were hurt.

We were heartbroken.

We were sad that this little boy and girl who for one year were living together and bonding as brother and sister and best friends would be torn apart. But, we thought it through and if this uncle was to love, care for, protect, and treat Jonathan like his own child, then we were happy that this was the outcome for our son.

From the moment we saw the referral photos of Jonathan and Faustina over one year ago, we pictured them as our children. We imagined our lives with them in it, as a part of our family.

We didn’t just imagine them as our children anymore, they were our children.

We learned their personalities, what they like to eat, what games they like to play, and how they react when they get hurt. We took them out to eat, we swam with them, comforted them when they were sad and we bonded with them.

…. As parents and children.

Continuing on with what seemed like the worst nightmare being played out in my life, I received a call three weeks after the news of Jonathan, that the exact. same. situation happened with Faustina. Distant family members now opposed the adoption, most likely due to ill-informed people spreading lies about adopted children’s lives in America.

The day we received that call, we weren’t just going to sit back and sulk about the situation, we were going to go to Ghana and see what we could do. We had just been able to process what happened with Jonathan, but now Faustina?

Talk about hitting us while we were already down.

Something like this had never happened before with two unrelated children who were so far in the Ghana adoption process with the same family. Their room was all ready, their beds were made, they were registered for Kindergarten and we even had their plane tickets home.

This just seemed like some dirty trick. Was God really going to do this to us? Here we stepped out in faith at 25 to add to our family through adoption despite all of the hurdles mounted against us and now He was going to do this to us? (That’s shamefully what I thought). We thought we were in control, but boy was I wrong. Maybe we were getting too comfortable, maybe we didn’t rely on Him enough.

Sitting on the plane from Amsterdam to Ghana, TJ and I decided to put all of our fears behind us and TRUST.

We weren’t going to be hurt anymore, or mad, or frustrated. How ever this chapter in our lives was going to turn out, it was going to turn out the way God planned it to. Not the way WE planned it to.

Ultimately when we got to Ghana, which I wrote about here, we learned that there was nothing we could do. It was final and there was nothing we could do or say to get Jonathan and Faustina home.

We learned that Jonathan has relatives somewhere abroad that now might be interested in adopting him. Faustina was already moved from the relatives that requested her back, to another village with a different aunt. We hope that these two little children won’t keep being bounced from place to place. They’ve had constant change in their lives and it would be an answered prayer that they are somewhere being loved just as much as we love them. We hope that one day soon we will be able to find out where they are living and check up on them to make sure they are o.k., and they are able to go to school… and are happy.

Since we never got to say goodbye….

Dear Jonathan and Faustina,

One day when you are older, you may be sitting in an Internet cafe in Ghana. And through divine intervention you may come across this blog and see photos of yourself when you were younger with people you may not remember. Maybe faint memories will start to come back of the “obrunis” you used to call Mommy and Daddy. Maybe you remember all of the times we went swimming…. that time Jonathan, who couldn’t swim, dove head first into the swimming pool without fear, but sure scared Mom half to death! Maybe you remember when you two put on Mom’s makeup and we all had a good laugh.

There is one thing that I want to tell you. Remember the last time we said goodbye? We promised we would be back soon and when that time came we would ride on an airplane! Home.

We are sorry. We are sorry we never came back for you like we promised and that we never got to say a final goodbye. We are sorry we won’t be able to do all the things we talked about. That you will never be able to meet your brother, Colton, who was so anxiously waiting for you.

This was not our choice.

If it was our plan, you would be home right now tucked into your bunk beds that Dad built especially for you. But it is not our plan. We know that for some reason, in God’s plan for all of our lives… we are apart…. for now.

Comments

I am so, so sorry. I know how attached you have become to them, and them to you.

I am left wondering why you weren’t told earlier on that this could/would happen? I realize there isn’t anything you can do about it now, but whoever helped with your adoption process must have known. I hope no other couples (and children) have to go through this, but it seems to be the norm. Where were these long lost relatives when the kids were in foster care? UGH, it breaks my heart.

Again, I am so very sorry. I am in tears after reading this, and hope that some day you will all be reunited.

I am so heartbroken for you, TJ and Colton. I hope your hearts are starting to feel a little lighter as time passes, but take all the time you need to mourn. I cannot imagine what you have been feeling. Thinking of you!

Emily, my heart and love goes out to you and your family. May the love you shared with your children multiply in their lives and in yours. May your heart be filled one day with joy overflowing. One day you will appreciate your loss as a teacher that you would never have known before. We never love without the possibility of loss. Love is real and it never truly fades. There are many who have known deep loss, now you walk among us. Know you are not alone. Blessings to you. And love. And peace that passes all understanding.

I can’t even imagine. While I type this my vision is obscured by tears for you and your 3 beautiful children. In moments like this it is so hard to see how something like this could be God’s will. I admire your faith and your trust, and know that you all will come out of this valley with the glory of God shining from your faces. My prayers are with you.

Emily, my heart aches for you and your family. I pray that Jonathan and Faustina are able to find stability. I know how much love your family had for them and will always. <3. You all are wonderful individuals and I pray that you will find peace and direction.

Where were they when these children were alone all this time in an orphanage, with no parents at all? Why are they reaching out to distant relatives NOW to see if they object? And why is bouncing around from one distant relative that is virtually a stranger to another preferable to a stable home with good people? If the first “distant relative” let Faustina go, then they obviously don’t want her, why are they holding her back from being adopted by people who do? She will end up in an orphanage again.

I’m just speechless and sick over this.

And I would stay in touch, because she may end up back in an orphanage again when the relatives who don’t know her at all decide they can’t take care of her anymore. I don’t think this is over, it’s just over for now.

My beautiful girl,
I am so sorry to read of your heartbreak and that I am sure your entire loving close knit family shares. My prayers rise to heaven for you, TJ, Colton and Jonathon and Faustina too in this time of loss and confusion. I know words can not possibly help but I sincerely hope and pray the love and comfort you receive from friends, family and Jesus will. God Bless You, Diane

This is the second time I’ve read this today. My heart hurts so much for all of you. It’s hard for me to stop the tears rolling. Ugh. I have no idea if this was part of God’s plan or not, because with Satan prowling, I don’t believe His will is always done on this Earth. But, I do know that His grace abounds and he does brings beauty and redemption from what appears to be dead.

So sad for you. The love you show still for those kids is probably more than they are getting. Sad to say but if they are already being bounced around then it is obvious that it was only to keep you from getting them. Hopefully God will be watching over all of you. Hopefully also sending you the children you so want.

Oh man. I don’t know what to say. I’m so very sorry for your loss! That’s got to be just heart wrenching for your family. I’m sure it will hurt for a long time, but I do think your journey with adoption hasn’t ended yet.

My heart breaks for u friend, and for the children as well. Im sure that just as u looked forward to being a family, that these kids longed for u just the same. My husband and I are in the process of having a home study to adopt here in the US. We buried our only 8 month old little girl, after being born premature weighing 1 lb. and 1 oz. and was 10 inches long. She put up a tremendous fight but her body would no longer be sustained by barely there lungs that had been scarred from months of life support. It’s so hard to trust God sometimes. More spiritual ppl may not admit that, but just as a child of God, that has faced very dark days and nights, I would rather tell the truth than lie. To think that we are better off without our one and only child, is rough, just as Im sure ur thinking about these 2 precious kids. Will be praying for u and ur family, and for these 2 wonderful children as well.

as tears roll down my face, i can only imagine the pain and heartache you’re experiencing every moment of each day. as i selfishly ask god ‘why’, i know that his plans are higher than ours, that he is working this for your good. it’s hard to see HOW this is good for J and F and also for you. but i’m begging him to reveal himself to you all in the loving, gracious way only he can. god bless you for your heart, for your voice, for sharing your experience and being transparent before others. you are an amazing mama! sending love and prayers.

I’m sooo sorry Emily. I cannot image the pain and loss you are feeling. I have only seen pictures of our soon to be adopted daughter and she is already mine. My heart hurts for you. I hope that, in time, you can continue to have a relationship with these children and be able to touch other children’s lives through adoption also.

So sorry. What a soul crushing experience to endure. Thank you for sharing it. There’s no telling how many people you are helping in one way or another by sharing your experience. One example for you: your post has pushed me to take action on something I’ve been mulling over for a year now. Tonight my husband and I are going to sign up to sponsor a child through Compassion, International. Your story was my tipping point.

Oh Emily, my heart hurts for you and your family. There are no words. I will add your family as well as Jonathan and Faustina to my prayer list. I hope that they are safe and sound in a stable home with people who love them and I’m sorry that you were ripped of the opportunity to give that to them.

Oh Roemmich Family…my heart just aches right now. Such a beautiful family living out gods word…he has something great in store for you. Such wonderful people…we will pray for you. So much love and prayers sent your way. Kelly O’Hare

This brings me to tears. I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful children. It is right to grieve…it is the death of a relationship. I am praying for you all, especially Jonathan and Faustina. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cling to His word, it will not return void. Romans 8:28, Joshua 1:9, there so many great verses. “The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace.” Numbers 6:24-26.

I’ve been quietly watching your journey, and I’m so sad to see that your journey to these specific children is ending this way. I have no doubt, though, that the journey God intends you to be on is just beginning… prayers for your hearts and peace for all of you!

Wow, I am so very sorry for this situation to happen to you and TJ. We are praying for you and your family for comfort during this time. But I do agree with you, that this wasn’t in God’s plan for whatever reason and [hopefully] it all works out for the best for all involved. Hoping you guys are hanging in there, stay strong :)

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Meet the Author

Emily is a busy mom of five kids, four of whom came to the family through international adoption. She is a big believer that you can live with purpose in every busy day. Join us in the journey to live purposeful, intentional lives in the midst of all the craziness.

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