Saying yes to the female orgasm

Forgive me, I am P-H. That’s Post Honeymoon for those who missed the last blog. Or the telling gap between it and this one for that matter. That big, yawning, delicious gap of nothing to read which was so full of everything being done. So full of - well. Suffice it to say, I am enjoying myself almost too much, and unlike anything beforehand. You might say I am enjoying myself almost too much to write this entry, even though writing and reading your responses to this blog is one of my life’s greatest pleasures.

Ah. Dear reader, please bear with me. You are lovely and loyal and, I hope, going to enjoy this musing on one of life’s more meaningful experiences as much as you should. As much as I do, perhaps. As much as you can, at least.

So, relax. Take a deep breath. Take off your shoes if you like. I am going to keep it simple. Simple, necessary, and timely. I am going to undress this address, and trust that you like the subject. Or, if you don’t, I’ll have faith you’ll tell my why.

But really, who wouldn’t love the female orgasm?

People who don’t believe it exists, perhaps. People who are tired of all the attention it gets. All the books and articles and research and blogs it attracts. Well, rest assured, ye haters of her O, this blog isn’t a rant. This blog isn’t a laborious how-to, though there will be some instructional element. This blog isn’t another one of ‘‘those’’ essays either. The sort that start of sympathetic and wind up preachy or smug.

Further, I’m not going to write 800 words on whether or not the female orgasm exists, trying to convince the unconvincable as to it’s whatnots and whyfors. This is largely because we should, by now, simply understand the female orgasm is real. We should understand this just as we should know that orgasm differs for every woman. Just as, for example, the clitoris exists, and differs in every woman.

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But let’s not get distracted by the clitoris. For, while it is important, it is not everything to an orgasm. Indeed, some orgasms are possible with minimal clitoral stimulation. It’s all about finding that sweet spot …I’m getting a head of myself.

The Female Orgasm: Aka “Yes”

In a word, the female orgasm is ‘‘yes’’. It’s a big, gloriously large, wet, wonderful, resounding ‘‘yes’’. You cannot achieve it unless you consent, and enjoyment of it may be significantly enhanced with a throaty intonation of the word. At least once in her sex life, a woman should experience the full and frank pleasure of releasing the word “yes” as loudly and for as long as her lungs will allow. She should know what it’s like to have that warm and funny feeling take up somewhere south of her belly button, and move to some places she’d barely before registered, before coming about and up and out in a glorious wave - a series of little yeses preceding a bigger one, perhaps followed by a few more breathy syllables of satisfied agreement. At the barest minimum, she should register a flicker of thrilling possibility triggered by a lucky stroke of arousal - a sense of a greater thing to come.

Yet, as I write all this, and melt a bit, thinking of my own varied experiences, I am saddened to think also of the number of women who have not or will not or cannot share in this joy. Women born into a different generation, who were never taught about sex, much less the fun of it. Women who expect he’ll have all the answers, and feel achingly disappointed when their partner doesn’t do magic. Women who have never stayed home, alone, with themselves, and had a go at making said magic happen. Women who have been raised to see sex as bad, or boring, or all about the boys. I think of these women who don’t yet know, or won’t let themselves experience, or cannot permit, the whole and wonderful joy that is sexual satisfaction, and I feel woe. These women say no, when all they need to say is “yes”.

Sex isn’t all about orgasm, nor is it all about love. Both elements can greatly enhance the experience, true. But you can’t get to either place unless you first say yes to the physical act of sex itself, and mean it. Enjoy it! We live in a world where sex for pleasure is very possible, and very safe. Why not take full advantage?

A Brief Postscript: Aka “Gentlemanly advice”Dear fellows, should you encounter a lady who has not, or will not, bring herself to, or allow herself to be brought, to the point of ‘‘yes’’, I say this: Be kind. Be patient. Be considerate, and above all be respectful. And, importantly, be not hung up about it. Sex is supposed to be fun after all. Sometimes it helps to forget about expectations and just both enjoy the moment...

Katherine Feeney is a journalist with the Nine Network Australia.Twitter: @katherinefeeney