Court decides Beck can’t ‘rape and kill’ domain name

The master and his apprentice.

The alleged victim of a rape and murder in 1990 can now breathe a sigh of relief knowing those seeking justice on her behalf will not be silenced by the likes of Glenn Beck any time soon. That’s because the FoxNews show host, and rumored suspect, Glenn Beck lost his lawsuit against Isaac Eiland-Hall over the domain name of his site – glennbeckrapedand murderedayounggirlin1990.com. This decision has made it safe again to ask the question at the heart of the controversy- Did Glenn Beck rape and kill a woman in 1990? And, if he didn’t why hasn’t he denied the allegations?

Due to Beck’s silence on the issue, concerned Americans are no closer to answering the question today than when the story broke back in the beginning of September. The site in question was created almost immediately after news of Beck’s possible involvement in the 1990 rape became public. The site has become the headquarters for concerned citizens devoted to discovering the truth behind the vicious rumor that Glenn Beck raped and killed a woman in 1990. Although Beck has not publicly addressed the allegations, he clearly wants these rumors to go away as evidenced by his botched attempted cover up, which was debunked right here on UnreasonablySafe.com.

The decision is a significant win for not only vaginal rights advocates, but also for freedom of speech lovers too. Because had the ruling gone in Beck’s favor, it would’ve surely discouraged the public from investigating more unsolved 1990 Glenn Beck rape and murder cases. Although, the court remained silent on the actual rumor itself, its ruling clearly leaves the door wide open for further questioning of Beck’s supposed innocence. Some have even suggested that based on Swiss customs, the court’s silence actually means that it is interested in hearing Beck’s side of the story and he should promptly confirm or deny the allegations in a very detailed affidavit. Others were less sympathetic, one anonymous observer of the Beck case said, “regardless whether WIPO is in Switzerland or not- the fact is we let him walk out of that courtroom without handcuffs. I mean and we had him in our midst and we let him walk right out the front door- we should have busted him for rape and murder and asked questions last. It’s likely that the poor woman in 1990 would have wanted it that way- because I’m pretty sure he didn’t ask for permission before he raped her and killed her.”

Surprisingly, Beck’s supporters have joined his detractors in openly criticizing him and his lawsuit for being deceptively hypocritical. Many cite his characterization of the freedom of speech as, “our most precious right” and people’s ability to speak out as “the supposed watchdog of our Republic.” Beck seems to think the First Amendment only applies when he’s the one hurling offensive insults and allegations, and not when he becomes the target of allegations. Because, while Beck was claiming his freedom of speech protected his brand of incendiary rhetoric from White House criticism of FoxNews, he was simultaneously trying to prevent others from exercising their right to speak out against him. Read more of this post

Rush Limbaugh’s plans to rename team ‘St. Louis Monkeys’ comes under fire from NFL for being overtly racist

What Edward Jones Dome Scoreboard will probably look like if Rush Limbaugh purchases St. Louis Rams. His hatred of SJax borders on insanity, especially considering he's the Rams best player.

ST. LOUIS, MO – Radio host Rush Limbaugh has never liked the idea of African American NFL quarterbacks, but until now he’s only been able to make racist comments about the topic. However, it might only be a matter of time before he can actually do something about it. Rush is rumored to be part of an ownership group that is hoping to buy an NFL team, and fortunately for Donovan McNabb- it’s the St. Louis Rams.

Sources close to Rush say that owning all or part of an NFL team would fulfill his dream of “following in my great, great grand-daddy Scooter’s footsteps.” Rush’s great, great grand-father Scoot Limbaugh was a wealthy cotton grower and slave owner. Scoot’s wife Anne, who he reportedly married at the tender age of twelve, died giving birth to Scoot’s only son, Rush’s great grand-father – Haste Limbaugh.

It should come as little surprise that the NFL Players Union has publicly opposed Rush’s plans to buy the Rams. Which prompted Limbaugh to issue this reply: “Who cares if the players don’t like the idea. Because guess who owns all of the teams? Rich white guys- That’s who! And guess who happens to be a rich white guy? Me! So there you have it.” Read more of this post

Not to rain on Beck’s crazy parade, but his little ‘experiment‘ was soo 90’s, as in 1690’s – it was called the Salem Witch Trials

Yes, you just witnessed a man kill a frog by tossing it into a pot of boiling water on live TV for no apparent reason, other than to prove to his critics, once and for all, that he’s a homicidal lunatic who can’t be trusted near amphibians. Beck was simply doing what he does best, which is to formulate some ridiculous argument/opinion based solely on a myth, only this time he tossed a live frog into a pot of boiling water.

The frog, who is survived by four tadpoles, was said to be a kind soul who had a zeal for life and truly enjoyed living. Friends of the frog claim he was a progressive environmentalist and a big supporter of green jobs. At his eulogy earlier today, his teary-eyed brother said “Ribbet!! My little bro didn’t die in vein- in fact, I couldn’t imagine a better way my brother would’ve wanted to go than by (sniffling) – exposing Beck for the crazy lying killer that he is.”

Frog-gate has already spawned another Beck book. Can you say stocking stuffer?! "Frogs: Boil Them Alive" is scheduled to hit shelves in earlier December - just in time for Christmas!

Sources close to the family say they were especially outraged by Beck’s dismissive comment- “forget about the frog,” he said immediately after realizing he had committed murder. The frog’s family plan on filing a wrongful death suit in the hopes of raising awareness of Beck’s murderous ways. Upon hearing of the family’s plans to sue him, Beck issued what can only be described as a heartless response. The douchey FoxNews show host actually had the audacity to claim the frog was a prop. So it’s not enough to end an innocent frog’s life- no, no- he felt compelled to add insult to injury by dismissing the frog as fake.

For argument’s sake, let’s assume for a moment that the frog was in fact a prop. Why would Beck rest his whole premise on showing viewers how they have to “jump out of the pot” in response to Obama’s policies- only to use a prop frog he knows can’t jump out of the pot. Does he secretly want viewers to stay in the pot of boiling water and die like the frog? I don’t get it. Read more of this post

Winning bidder ‘furious’ she overpaid for lunch with Sarah Palin

HUNTSVILLE, AL. – Defense contractor Cathy Maples won a lunch date with ex-Governor of Alaska and part-time blogger Sarah Palin. Maples won the Ebay auction to dine with Palin with a bid of $63,500, which is $23,500 more than what Palin usually charges customers for a “Lunch Date on me” according to Palin’s escort site. Sources close to Maples say the Church Lady look-alike is furious and is even thinking of canceling her bid.

Palin getting cozy during one of her famous double "Governor's special" sessions, which allows for customers to pull out before getting the job done.

One such source who spoke with Unreasonably Safe Observer is Willie Cunningham, an ex-employee and close friend of Maples. Cunningham told us that, “had Cathy known about Palin’s escort site she would’ve never bid more than $40,000,” and added, “heck, Cathy is even paying $3500 more than what Palin charges for dinner dates.” Cunningham also said, “even though Cathy told me she hasn’t gone lez for another chick in quite sometime, she is expecting whatever is included in the ‘Lunch date on me’- and hopes the lunch is in a private setting so they can get right to dessert.” Read more of this post

From left to right: PIMP (Bunny brothel owner Dennis Hof), JOHN (Sean Hannity with pen), and HOOKER (Stacy Swallows or Air Force Amy).

Hooker on Hannity: “he has been gladly paying good money for really raunchy sex with women he barely knows since well before 1990.”

LAS VEGAS, NEVADA – An anonymous source close to FoxNews told Unreasonably Safe Reporter the pictures circulating on the internet of Sean Hannity posing with prostitutes were actually leaked by Hannity himself. The source is also claiming that he actually did this to distance himself from the Glenn Beck rape controversy. The well publicized allegations that Beck raped a woman in 1990 has started to catch the attention of the mainstream media. They have been dumbfounded by the same question concerned citizens have yet to get an answer on- ‘If Glenn Beck didn’t rape a woman in 1990, why hasn’t he denied the allegations.’ Despite the growing concerns of citizens nationwide, Beck, Hannity and the rest of the FoxNews crew have remained mysteriously silent on the issue. That is until today, when the photos of Hannity carousing with prostitutes mysteriously began surfacing on the internet.

Apparently, the release of the photos was in response to the recent allegations that Hannity might have had a part in covering up Beck’s rape controversy. Rather than be dragged down by Beck’s problems, Hannity got out in front of the issue and released these pics himself in the hopes of creating a diversion, while also giving himself the opportunity to get his side of the story out before the liberal media was able to spin it. The message Hannity is putting out there is simple, “While it may be true that I used to be a whore monger, I at least paid for sex in 1990.”

Hannity and his honies after a lengthy session of 'in-depth investigatory reporting' and 'hard hitting revealing exposes'

More importantly, the photo leak effectively accomplishes two things. First it distances him from Beck and his rape controversy by creating his own quasi-controversy for people to focus on. Secondly, it serves to create a pretty rock-solid defense. Which is: ‘Sure, I used to squander hundreds of thousands of dollars a year on prostitutes, but that doesn’t mean I have a deep seated hatred of consensual sex. It simply means I used to have a deap seated hatred of non-transactional consensual sex.‘ Read more of this post

Dobbs says he was fooled by her ‘Mexican gypsy trickery’

The Dobbs seen here recently at a screening of Fit with Mitt. (A documentary chronicling Mitt Romney's battle and eventual triumph over his obsession with his physical appearance, and the grueling exercise regiments he used to be addicted to.)

SUSSEX COUNTY, NEW JERSEY – CNN show host, and staunch immigration critic, Lou Dobbs has reportedly filing for divorce from wife Debi Lee Segura. The news of the divorce came somewhat as a shock to Debi and the couple’s four children. In a brief phone interview with Unreasonably Safe Observer, she said “I had no idea we were even having problems, I mean Lou kissed me before leaving to work this morning and then two hours later I get a call from his attorney telling me he’s considering filing for divorce.”

Apparently, sources close to Dobbs claim he is contemplating filing for divorce after discovering his wife’s “secret” Mexican heritage. A longtime producer of Dobbs’ show, who asked not to be identified for this report, says the CNN show host is outraged but says he only has himself to blame.

The producer said, “I mean all of us at the show thought he knew, you know… that Deb was Mexican. Which is why we always found it kinda weird that he was super anti-Mexico and everything.” The producer also added, “he said he couldn’t believe he fell for her Mexican lies, but in my opinion I don’t think Debi ever tried to hide her heritage. I just don’t know how someone doesn’t notice something like that, I mean seriously, all the clues were there: Deb took ‘Cinco De Mayo’ a little too seriously not to be Mexican, she’s always cooked awesome Mexican food, and she even spoke Spanish to all four of their kids, Juan, Julio, Consuela, and Miguelito.” Read more of this post

Don’t take me seriously bro!!

Most items and/or articles on this website are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof. The information contained on this website is not meant to be taken seriously. Any issues? hit me up at - unreasonablysafe at gmail.

Don’t take the above warning too seriously bro!!

It might be a ploy by those in power that don't want people to know the truth.