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Fifth Freedom, 1981-04-01

Fifth Freedom, 1981-04-01

THE FIFTH FREEDOM A PUBLICATION OF THE BUFFALO GAY COMMUNITY APRIL 1981 FREE "The Freedom to love whomever and however we want" BUFFALO IN THE CLOSET? 'Man to Man' explores themes of gay life By JOHN A. FAULRING jR MAN TO MAN: GAY COUPLES IN AMERICA. By Dr. Charles Silverstein, Copyright 1981, William Morrow and Co. Inc. New York. $12.95. Chapter Thirteen of Man to Man begins: "This study of gay love relationships began with five goals: to examine the major themes in gay male relationships; to examine the father/ son relationship and how it may affect later life; to hypothesize how the coming-out experience may shed light on the origin of homosexuality; what the effects of early sexual and REVIEW emotional experiences may be on the choice of lovers; and, finally, to examine the geographical diversity of gay life in the United States." It accomplishes all of this and more. I doubt anyone can read this book, anyone gay that is, and not see themselves in each and every chapter. Some of what we see may not be what we'd like to feel is the real us, but the insights and stories told here are a way to accept, understand and grow from past experiences. Many stories, with a change of name and a slight alteration of scenario, could be our story. If you are looking for charts, graphs, cold hard facts,., statistical statements; don't look here. If you hope to find very human stores of love and hate; happiness and sadness; short term affairs and long time relationships; this is it! Every section, chapter and page is real in its relating to gay life. The various chapter titles are covered very well, but one cannot help but hope that the author, or someone as competent, will follow up and study all of them in more depth. The Joy of Gay Sex (which Silverstein co-authored) was a "how to" book. This is a "how it has been done" book. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. It doesn't present an "ideal" picture of what we all would like the gay life to be, but it does present a real one. It draws many similarities between homosexual and heterosexual lifestyles and sexual habits. It could be of help to those of both orientations in understanding the other. Silverstein has given us a book that should point the way to many studies in the future. I think that his informal subjective way of interviewing has the best chance of giving us the most accurate picture possible; especially of something as nebulous as gay couples, gay sex, gay love and gay community.Chapter One: "Fathers, Sons and Lovers" examines how the father molds the gay boy's image of what a lover should be, and needs to be, to him. This is not the usual absent or weak henpecked male role, but as something desirable in role as well as sex object. He sees the father as the norm, or at least the thing to compare all oth- Charles Silverstein, author of "Man to Man, " uses very human stories to examine major themes in gay male relationships. He co-authored with Edmund White the popular book "The Joy of Gay Sex." Queen City is 'closety' finds Joy of Gay Sex author By ROD HENSEL Buffalo is "very friendly" but also a "very closety town" -in the eyes of noted gay author Edmund White. White, the co-author of The Joy of Cay Sex and author of States of Desire: Travels in Gay America was in Buffalo March 14-16 for a reading of his works and to speak before a joint meeting of Gay Professionals and SAGE. He aired his thoughts on Buffalo as a gay city as well as a number of other gay topics in an interview withjhe FIFTH FREEDOM. The author gained national acclaim for States of Desire, a book in which he visits a number of American cities to record how Gays in each community live. In his first visit to Buffalo, he attended a private party, a Gay Prfoessionals' meeting, and visited some of the local bars. "I went to a party (here) and was very impressed with the whole range of ages and occupations. That's the kind of thing that I think someone who lives near New York City misses. There you go to a party that's a party of all disco people age 35 and are all clones, or you go to party up at Columbia and they're all academics. But last night there was one cook, one barber, about three professors and there was one person in his seventies and one person who was eighteen. That kind of range I think is terrific - that to mc was very encouraging and fun to be in that kind of group," he said. White feels such intermingling not only shows a healthy gay community, but also bodes well for its future. "For instance that eighteen year old, he now has some sort of model in his mind of what it will be like to be gay and 70, and it doesn't seem so horrifying-I mean it certainly wouldn't in this case. This particular 70-year old was-very active and very charming." "I suppose the only negative thing I could say," he continued, "is that it does seem like a fairly closety town in some ways. For example, the group I was speaking to, Gay Professionals, they were very careful not to mention the titles of my books (in the newsletter sent out to members"). He says such an occurence would not be "common" across the country in cities of Buffalo's population, but also offered a hypothesis as to why a large segment of Buffalo's Gays choose to remain "in the closet." "There are two ingredients that are really important in people coming out. One is thatthey be economically independent. Two is that they live in a town where they did not grow up. If you live in the same town where your family is still living, then you'll be reluctant to come out. My impression is that a lot of the people I have met here grew up in Buffalo, so that could be the explanation for closetedness." To White, coming out is vitally important,important, not only for the individual but for the future of Gays across the nation. For him, the coming out process is the first line of defense against the right wing anti-Gay groups. "My own feeling is that because we are homosexual we tend to think we are very important (as an issue). I don't think most people in America even know a homosexual," he says. "I think that most Americans really don't care that much about homosexual ity one way or the other. It's a very peripheral issue, and the fact that it has been given so much attention recently by the Moral Majority and so on, is because it is one of the few things that holds the right together." According to White, the right-wing in America is composed of two very different groups: the very rich who "own the factories" and the very poor who largely populate the nation's rural areas or serve as blue collar workers. "About the only thing they have in common is a certain kind of moral and cultural conservatism," he adds, and so it comes to the advan- , tage of those in control of the right wing to fan the flames of outrage on moral issues to keep unity within their own group. "The fact that most gay people are still in the closet allows the right and the Moral Majority to create an'illusion of Gays - they're able to paint a picture of Gays being selfish, narcissistic, affluent, child molesters. And a very distorted picture of Gays is coming down the tubes," says White. But he adds that picture can only be maintained as long as Gays stay in the closet. "It seems to mc the single most constructive thing that any Gay man or woman can do is to come out to at least one other person." "It sounds very primitive, but I think that's very important. If rightwing Republicans and fundamentalist Christians have to deal with the fact that their uncle is gay, that their cousin is gay, that this nice person who is helping them load their groceries at the supermarket is gay, that this wonderful, fatherly lawyer that they're going to for their real estate is gay, that their charming woman dentist is gay -once "they have to deal with these things they can no longer summon up these bugaboos about the child molester or (John) Gacey as a typical gay." While coming out may help stem the anti-Gay tide sweeping some quarters of the country, White admits some aspects of gay life will be hard to sell to the straight community. One issue in particular is gay promiscuity, which he calls "a thing to be celebrated." "I see it (promiscuity) as one of the positive values of Gay life and not a thing to be deplored," he says. "I think Gays sometimes stand as symbols for sexuality, and I think that to Continued on page 3 Continued on page 10

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Transcript

THE FIFTH FREEDOM A PUBLICATION OF THE BUFFALO GAY COMMUNITY APRIL 1981 FREE "The Freedom to love whomever and however we want" BUFFALO IN THE CLOSET? 'Man to Man' explores themes of gay life By JOHN A. FAULRING jR MAN TO MAN: GAY COUPLES IN AMERICA. By Dr. Charles Silverstein, Copyright 1981, William Morrow and Co. Inc. New York. $12.95. Chapter Thirteen of Man to Man begins: "This study of gay love relationships began with five goals: to examine the major themes in gay male relationships; to examine the father/ son relationship and how it may affect later life; to hypothesize how the coming-out experience may shed light on the origin of homosexuality; what the effects of early sexual and REVIEW emotional experiences may be on the choice of lovers; and, finally, to examine the geographical diversity of gay life in the United States." It accomplishes all of this and more. I doubt anyone can read this book, anyone gay that is, and not see themselves in each and every chapter. Some of what we see may not be what we'd like to feel is the real us, but the insights and stories told here are a way to accept, understand and grow from past experiences. Many stories, with a change of name and a slight alteration of scenario, could be our story. If you are looking for charts, graphs, cold hard facts,., statistical statements; don't look here. If you hope to find very human stores of love and hate; happiness and sadness; short term affairs and long time relationships; this is it! Every section, chapter and page is real in its relating to gay life. The various chapter titles are covered very well, but one cannot help but hope that the author, or someone as competent, will follow up and study all of them in more depth. The Joy of Gay Sex (which Silverstein co-authored) was a "how to" book. This is a "how it has been done" book. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. It doesn't present an "ideal" picture of what we all would like the gay life to be, but it does present a real one. It draws many similarities between homosexual and heterosexual lifestyles and sexual habits. It could be of help to those of both orientations in understanding the other. Silverstein has given us a book that should point the way to many studies in the future. I think that his informal subjective way of interviewing has the best chance of giving us the most accurate picture possible; especially of something as nebulous as gay couples, gay sex, gay love and gay community.Chapter One: "Fathers, Sons and Lovers" examines how the father molds the gay boy's image of what a lover should be, and needs to be, to him. This is not the usual absent or weak henpecked male role, but as something desirable in role as well as sex object. He sees the father as the norm, or at least the thing to compare all oth- Charles Silverstein, author of "Man to Man, " uses very human stories to examine major themes in gay male relationships. He co-authored with Edmund White the popular book "The Joy of Gay Sex." Queen City is 'closety' finds Joy of Gay Sex author By ROD HENSEL Buffalo is "very friendly" but also a "very closety town" -in the eyes of noted gay author Edmund White. White, the co-author of The Joy of Cay Sex and author of States of Desire: Travels in Gay America was in Buffalo March 14-16 for a reading of his works and to speak before a joint meeting of Gay Professionals and SAGE. He aired his thoughts on Buffalo as a gay city as well as a number of other gay topics in an interview withjhe FIFTH FREEDOM. The author gained national acclaim for States of Desire, a book in which he visits a number of American cities to record how Gays in each community live. In his first visit to Buffalo, he attended a private party, a Gay Prfoessionals' meeting, and visited some of the local bars. "I went to a party (here) and was very impressed with the whole range of ages and occupations. That's the kind of thing that I think someone who lives near New York City misses. There you go to a party that's a party of all disco people age 35 and are all clones, or you go to party up at Columbia and they're all academics. But last night there was one cook, one barber, about three professors and there was one person in his seventies and one person who was eighteen. That kind of range I think is terrific - that to mc was very encouraging and fun to be in that kind of group," he said. White feels such intermingling not only shows a healthy gay community, but also bodes well for its future. "For instance that eighteen year old, he now has some sort of model in his mind of what it will be like to be gay and 70, and it doesn't seem so horrifying-I mean it certainly wouldn't in this case. This particular 70-year old was-very active and very charming." "I suppose the only negative thing I could say," he continued, "is that it does seem like a fairly closety town in some ways. For example, the group I was speaking to, Gay Professionals, they were very careful not to mention the titles of my books (in the newsletter sent out to members"). He says such an occurence would not be "common" across the country in cities of Buffalo's population, but also offered a hypothesis as to why a large segment of Buffalo's Gays choose to remain "in the closet." "There are two ingredients that are really important in people coming out. One is thatthey be economically independent. Two is that they live in a town where they did not grow up. If you live in the same town where your family is still living, then you'll be reluctant to come out. My impression is that a lot of the people I have met here grew up in Buffalo, so that could be the explanation for closetedness." To White, coming out is vitally important,important, not only for the individual but for the future of Gays across the nation. For him, the coming out process is the first line of defense against the right wing anti-Gay groups. "My own feeling is that because we are homosexual we tend to think we are very important (as an issue). I don't think most people in America even know a homosexual," he says. "I think that most Americans really don't care that much about homosexual ity one way or the other. It's a very peripheral issue, and the fact that it has been given so much attention recently by the Moral Majority and so on, is because it is one of the few things that holds the right together." According to White, the right-wing in America is composed of two very different groups: the very rich who "own the factories" and the very poor who largely populate the nation's rural areas or serve as blue collar workers. "About the only thing they have in common is a certain kind of moral and cultural conservatism," he adds, and so it comes to the advan- , tage of those in control of the right wing to fan the flames of outrage on moral issues to keep unity within their own group. "The fact that most gay people are still in the closet allows the right and the Moral Majority to create an'illusion of Gays - they're able to paint a picture of Gays being selfish, narcissistic, affluent, child molesters. And a very distorted picture of Gays is coming down the tubes," says White. But he adds that picture can only be maintained as long as Gays stay in the closet. "It seems to mc the single most constructive thing that any Gay man or woman can do is to come out to at least one other person." "It sounds very primitive, but I think that's very important. If rightwing Republicans and fundamentalist Christians have to deal with the fact that their uncle is gay, that their cousin is gay, that this nice person who is helping them load their groceries at the supermarket is gay, that this wonderful, fatherly lawyer that they're going to for their real estate is gay, that their charming woman dentist is gay -once "they have to deal with these things they can no longer summon up these bugaboos about the child molester or (John) Gacey as a typical gay." While coming out may help stem the anti-Gay tide sweeping some quarters of the country, White admits some aspects of gay life will be hard to sell to the straight community. One issue in particular is gay promiscuity, which he calls "a thing to be celebrated." "I see it (promiscuity) as one of the positive values of Gay life and not a thing to be deplored," he says. "I think Gays sometimes stand as symbols for sexuality, and I think that to Continued on page 3 Continued on page 10