I've done the hand swat & when it didn't do anything other than upset her (but she'd keep going after whatever it is she wasn't supposed to) I've gone to the stern "NO" & a swat on the butt.

The NO & diversion tactic works well too.

Disciplining a toddler is like having a battle with saran wrap----you might win or you might wind up more frustrated than when you started.

Slinky's rule for NC.com:

I suppose I can't judge you because you married a serviceman and it is wartime. Boo hoo. You must be loney sitting at home with nothing else to do but pick on people. Why don't you go masterbate again?

Someone told me about a concept called (frankly, I think she made this up but I agree with it) Get Off Your Butt Parenting. Essentially, they just don't have self-control till they're like four or something (I don't necessarily think swatting is bad but I don't think it teaches self control so much as fear but hey, if it keeps their fingers out of the light sockets... ), even when they "know" they're not supposed to do something, they just don't have the self-control to stop. So we do a lot of getting up and moving her or moving whatever the problem is. S has a phenominal amount of concentration - she does. not. forget. The dog treat on the bed four days ago? Yeah, if I put her down on the bed she is still going to search for it. So we get up and move her a LOT

Mostly, I am just keeping all the tempting no-no stuff out of her way for now. I'd rather not have "pretties" than spend my whole day saying, "Susannah, no, Susannah, stop, Susannah, quit that." Heaven help us, she's almost walking and she is like a panther with the crawling. I should be Nicole Ritchie slim any day now.

redirection but also adjusting your own perception of what "works". A toddler is a toddler, no matter what discipline method you choose to use. I highly suggest reading "Your One Year Old" to get a handle on what is age expected behavior for Xander (the whole series is pretty great, just ignore the parenting advice especially after the 3 year old book).

Then realize that you as the parent have the power to say yes & no. I start by saying yes with the environment. I put up gates, baby proof as much as possible and make the environment in my home enjoyable to the kids (by allowing them space to explore) and to the parents (by removing minute by minute battles of No, No, No, No, No).

Then when I do say, "this isn't for Ryan" I practice GOYBP. It stands for get off your butt parenting. "This is not for Ryan", remove child from object, give them another toy in another area. Repeat, repeat, repeat. When his persistence is obviously stronger that day than my ability to physically repeat then I remove him from the situation.

He's not being defiant, it's that his impulse control as a toddler is his #1 driving force. It overrides anything you say, do or put in his way. Trying to circumvent this force is useless, teaching him with consistency what is acceptable and not acceptable is very effective but takes tons of time and committment even on the days when you feel like throwing in the towel. I like tag teaming with my husband in the sense that when I'm loosing my cool and loosing control he steps in and continues the course of action as the calm parent and I get to step away and regain composure. During the day it's just me so I take a break when I'm about to blow my top. Ian is quite used to hearing me say, "mommy needs to take a break and calm down. I need some space, peace & quiet." In fact, he's quite used to hearing, "Ian you need to take a break to calm down" and he's got a comfort corner in our house. Not time out. Of course he's older.

And finally, every kid is different so you'll babyproof differently for each child. We gate off my husband's office, my sewing room and the kitchen. Yes, they are allowed in those rooms just not unsupervised.

I spend a lot of time telling my husband and remind myself that a lot of her "objectionable behavior" is very age appropriate - you can't really parent a child so that they never do somethings, all you can do is parent through that phase.

When I was explaining that "get off your butt parenting" is much more successful than standing five feet away and saying "No, No, Quit, Stop" over and over he said, "Oh, like how we trained Teddy" - so Get Off Your Butt dog training works pretty well too.

I agree with CGNYC and Marielle. You pretty much just need to say no and remove them from the situation or remove the object from them. Repeat up to 10,000 times in one day, as needed. Toddlers need to learn that when Mommy or Daddy say no, they mean it and resistance is futile. But that takes a good long time to actually sink in.

To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.

Ever since the sports thread wars I have sensed a special connection between [edit] & Wile. Like the connection oil has to water. I almost can't speak of it. Wait....my eyes are misting. ~asqLet’s just stay together and tell the world to kiss our ass. ~P

Eventually it works. We're now at the stage where asking "Does mommy have to take _____ away from you?" usually works pretty well. Of course, this is after several months of actually taking stuff away and dealing with the resulting tantrum.

To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.

I tried disciplining B at a young age, but I just read recently that they don't understand right from wrong until they're about 18 months (which is funny b/c that's when they become REALLY defiant). So I suppose until that point you just focus on redirecting.

Just one more thing I can feel guilty about. Guess I'll remember that for next time.

~ the artist formerly known as babywavy ~

Please excuse any typos. For the time being, we are blaming it on my computer.

My SIL has what she calls a "naughty chair". After re-directing and discussing has stopped working, she makes niece sit in her chair. Niece does not care for the chair, so this seems to work for her.

My friend has been doing this with her 18 month old for quite sometime now. She doesn't make her sit there for long (maybe 30 seconds to a minute) but it is effective. She even has a naughty spot at my house. Anyway, she makes her daughter sit there and then she goes over and tells her daughter she needs to listen to mommy and gets an 'I'm sorry' hug. I guess as children get older, you leave them in the naughty chair for longer periods of time.

My SIL has what she calls a "naughty chair". After re-directing and discussing has stopped working, she makes niece sit in her chair. Niece does not care for the chair, so this seems to work for her.

My friend has been doing this with her 18 month old for quite sometime now. She doesn't make her sit there for long (maybe 30 seconds to a minute) but it is effective. She even has a naughty spot at my house. Anyway, she makes her daughter sit there and then she goes over and tells her daughter she needs to listen to mommy and gets an 'I'm sorry' hug. I guess as children get older, you leave them in the naughty chair for longer periods of time.

So I have used the naughty spot idea. I pick a corner of the room with nothing near it and it's boring to look at and I say something like...

Mommy told you no but you didn't listen so now you're going to sit here and he hates it, but it works pretty good (I make him sit there for about a minute).

I admit I swat him on the butt and hand sometimes... but see my parents were very abusive (I'm talking strangling, punching, pulling me around by my hair, kicking, etc.) so I know I have a temper and I don't like to hit because I don't like to go down that road. But the occasional swat never killed anyone. I also use distraction but you've got to stick with it for a few minutes or it won't work.
[/i][/u]

ahhhh, I'd been meaning to come back to this thread. I always have a ton of books in the rotation to read regarding positive discpline and just added a new one that I feel like telling everyone and their mother about.

When Anger Hurts Your Kids - not the typical touchy feely self help stuff. Just cold hard facts on anger, how it affects the parent/child dynamic and tools to help the parent manage their anger effectively.

Other books:

Easy To Love, Difficult to Discipline

Raising Your Spirited Child (this one is amazing, not only helped me tune into my kid but helped me discover that I had "spirited" traits as well

Of course they will want to leave the spot. I think you just have to keep on putting them back on it until they've "served their time" and let them off. I know that sounds like a lot of work. See I'm kinda of learning as I go and I haven't gotten to that point yet. Anyone else have any thoughts on this good point by the way.