Quality Conversations Strengthen Ties

Do you remember the last time you had a conversation you thoroughly enjoyed? I recently shared a wonderful conversation with a friend of mine. I thought about it as I drove home from Terranea in Palos Verdes. The atmosphere was spectacular—we were sitting outdoors on a summer evening and gazing out at the ocean view—but I realized there was something deeper that made our conversation so authentic.

We establish a connection with someone through truly listening and learning about him or her, which enhances our interaction with the person in the future. Sharing from the depth of your being creates a rare, sacred bond and a memorable experience.

When we speak truthfully, deeply and briefly with another person, we create a soulful connection. Sharing can be powerful and allow us to engage in a meaningful and quality conversation. Sharing also helps us get things off our chest.

Many people find sharing difficult. Do you ever respond to a simple “How are you?” with a long weather report full of unrelated details? Or is your typical response a brief, superficial “fine, thanks”? Both of these responses can conceal who we really are at the moment.

When we share, we do not always have to disclose our deepest and darkest secrets. It is not even necessary to release an emotion we are not comfortable to disclose. The key is to reveal your authentic, personal experience to your listener. A conversation like this can be deeply felt, sincere, candid and offer a special connection.

Choosing to be consciously aware of your interpersonal communication skills can help grow and strengthen your relationships with others. Here are a few tips:

One of the most powerful things you can do while sharing a deep conversation is to fully listen from the heart. It can be a challenge sometimes because we can be tempted to give advice, launch a discussion or throw in some of our own comments by sharing a related situation of our own. Try to postpone any response of your own and simply listen—focus on what the person is sharing.

Sometimes you may have to ask the person listening to not make any suggestions or offer solutions.

Showing respect can be as simple as not interrupting and being fully present while they are talking. This allows for the conversation to become more effective, meaningful, useful and often more interesting.

Asking questions shows someone that you are interested in what they are sharing; however, try not to speak too often or too long. Try not to fill in the silence as this can keep you from truly connecting with others. By being mindful of how often you speak, you will gain the opportunity to really learn and be creative through hearing others views about what you have to say.

Generate a feeling of trust, safety and confidentiality by acknowledging and respecting the other person’s desire to share.

Show true interest. Others are more attracted to those who are interested in them and will pay more attention to what they are saying.

Eye contact is one of the most important positive signals you can give.

Sometimes the other person has a different point of view than you do. Find out more about why they have that point of view. The more you understand the reasons behind their thinking, the more you can understand their point of view or help them to better understand your point of view.

When you feel a conversation went really well, reflect on why you think it went so well and remember to use some of those interpersonal communication skills again. If you feel the conversation didn’t go as well as you would have liked it to, ask yourself why you think this is so and how you could improve for next time. We can learn from all of our interactions.

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This entry was posted on July 28, 2011 at 8:01 pm and is filed under Listening. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
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