Germans Threaten to 'Slaughter Socceroos Until There are No More'

No, the pain is in my back. Right here. Do you think it is a kidney stone? I heard they hurt a lot, like giving birth, and...

Those wacky Germans are up to shenanigans again - The Socceroos, Australia's gayly named soccer team, came up against the might of the German team in their opening match at the World Cup in South Africa, and the Germans absolutely slaughtered them.

"The struggle for World Cup domination will be fought entirely between us, between Germans and Socceroos," said a small mustached German spokesman. "All else is facade and illusion. Behind England stands Socceroos, and behind France, and behind the United States. Even when we have driven the Socceroos out of Germany, they remain our world enemy."

Why does this all sound familiar?

The German spokesman continued: "If only one country, for whatever reason, tolerates a Socceroos family in it, that family will become the germ center for fresh sedition. If one little Socceroos fan survives without any Socceroos education, it is in his soul. Even if there had never been any exposure to the Socceroos teachings, the Socceroos spirit would still exist and exert its influence. It has been there from the beginning and there is no Socceroos fan, not a single one, who does not personify it."

Interestingly, German soccer star Hans Gruber appeared to use one of Germany's special, 1940's salutes at an official.

Said Gruber, "I thought he was saying that he was standing with us in our cause. Later I realized he was just showing a yellow card for a rough tackle."

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