WE’RE {FINALLY} PREGNANT WITH OUR RAINBOW BABY!

WE’RE {FINALLY} PREGNANT WITH OUR RAINBOW BABY!

Due October 2018

SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW, SKIES ARE BLUE, AND THE DREAMS THAT YOU DARE TO DREAM REALLY DO COME TRUE…

It’s been 488 days since we lost Charlotte Rose. In that time: I’ve watched them take away my baby girl to be cremated, I’ve cried a million tears and I’ve spent days on the floor sobbing for my baby, but I’ve kept going for MG’s and my family’s sake. Most importantly though, I’ve done what I’ve needed to do in order to SURVIVE. I’ve seen more doctors and specialists than I can poke a stick at. I’ve had about 65 plus scans, 320 plus injections, countless blood tests and cried a million more tears. I’ve had egg collections and experienced hyper-stimulation, put on 6kg from all the IVF drugs, felt deeply depressed and flat at times, had seven embryos that didn’t survive, but… ONE THAT DID! That little miracle embryo is now our RAINBOW BABY BOY!

When asked how I’m feeling this time around, my response is: I FEEL ALIVE AGAIN. That is absolutely no word of a lie. I was treading water in the safety of my own little bubble, but here I am. It’s a new normal, but it’s A HAPPY PLACE. I think my smile speaks for itself…

{ NICOLE PAS PHOTOGRAPHY, ZOE KARLIS MAKE-UP, MHAIRI MCQUEEN HAIR }

What is a Rainbow Baby? A rainbow baby is a baby born shortly after the loss of a previous baby due to miscarriage, stillbirth, or death in infancy. This term is given to these special rainbow babies because a rainbow typically follows a storm, giving us hope of what’s to come.

I knew from three days after our first transfer with our only embryo, I WAS PREGNANT. I just knew. The night before we went to do bloods to confirm the pregnancy, I was showering around sunset. The sunshine was beaming across the bathroom and through the dripping shower screen. Shining right onto my belly was a rainbow! I couldn’t believe it and I remember the happiest of tears rolling down my cheeks. I knew what was happening inside me, and that Charlotte was right there with me. She was guiding me and reassuring me that our storm was finally passing. While I’m not a religious or spiritual person, there have been so many things happen over the last fifteen months that I can’t explain. In those moments I feel Charlotte’s presence, and that’s more than enough.

Of course, I’m not going to reveal our name (one that we’ve had for about six years now!), but what I will tell you is he’s already got a nickname – and it’s stuck! The day we learnt we were having a boy, we asked MG what she would like to call him (to be all PC, not really!), and she replied: FROGGY BOY. Her favourite book is Froggy Green by Anna Walker. That was six weeks ago, and that’s now what we call him! So don’t worry, we haven’t gone rogue in the name category! According to MG, she too is pregnant. She is having a little girl called Princess Peppa, and “she is little now, but will grow big and come out where I do wee and poo”, HA-HA! Yep, sounds like we’ve got similar birth plans! OH-MG, you melt my heart.

{ MY BEAUTIFUL FRIEND KATE FROM MARY MARY STUDIO DESIGNED THIS FOR OUR VERY SPECIAL ANNOUCEMENT }

{ NICOLE PAS CAPTURING SOME RAINBOW MAGIC HERE! }

{ MY BESTIE JO, FRIENDS FOR 20 YEARS AND NOW PREGNANT TOGETHER WITH OUR BOYS! NICOLE PAS PHOTOGRAPHY }

Jo has been instrumental in my survival over the last 15 months, and helped honour Charlotte Rose in the most beautiful way possible. On Mother’s Day 2017 one year ago today, we launched the Charlotte Rose limited edition lipstick in memory of all the babies who grew their tiny wings too soon. We raised $13, 289.02 for Bears of Hope and it was the perfect way to honour BOTH the babies lost and their mums, on what can be such a tough day for so many. What a beautiful thing that we can stand together today and share our pregnancies, and both freak out over what to do with a baby boy! These little men both have big sisters who are desperate to meet them – our little gang is growing Jo-Jo. Here’s to 20 years of friendship with you, and our beautiful babies – all five of them.

One year on, I sit here a different person, but a HAPPY ONE. I rub my 17 week belly and struggle to hold back my excitement. No amount of time will ever heal the loss of Charlotte and I will carry this pain with me until the end of time. However, it’s BECAUSE OF HER, we WILL have him in our arms in no time. Of this, I have no doubt. There’s been a few moments where I have smiled quietly to myself knowing she has been right here with me, right from our transfer. I have been feeling Froggy Boy move since 11 weeks, and I cannot express just how much this has eased my anxiety and worry. He’s also been giving me grief in the morning sickness department, but hey, I WOULDN’T HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY.

Thank you to everyone for sticking around. I’m sure at times following my veryhonest and raw experiences with loss and IVF haven’t been easy to watch or listen to. I’ve been pretty quiet over the last few months, and now you know why. While our storm is passing, there is still a lot of work to be done. Right now it’s about remaining as calm and as positive as possible, and focussing on our end goal – delivering a HEALTHY AND HAPPY BABY BOY in October.

THANK YOU, Sarah Jane x

I want to say the BIGGEST thank you to Dr Melissa Cameron from Melbourne IVF who helped us conceive our little boy. I came to Melissa a broken woman, one who had lost all faith in my body and what the universe’s plan for our family is/was. While struggling with infertility is nothing new to us, IVF is a whole other story. It’s HELL and it is physically, emotionally and mentally exhausting. Melissa never left my side, she honoured my history and my fears for the future. What an amazing doctor and human being, I am so grateful our paths crossed. I cannot recommend Dr Melissa Cameron highly enough. Her incredible bedside manner, warm nature and wonderful sense of humour made my (VERY FREQUENT!) visits a pleasure. I know MG will miss you – she still talks about you! Thank you, thank you, thank you. What you do for families like ours every single day is just amazing. You make dreams comes true. SJ x