We all know we shouldn’t but we all do take other people for granted. We do this in many ways but one of them is just taking it for granted they will always be there for us when we need them. This past week or so has really been a stark reminder of how we should never do that. Vi’s mum Nellie gave us all a real scare. My last few posts have been about how she is 86 and last week took a fall breaking her sit bone. Complications while in the hospital delirium, pneumonia all sort of things left all thinking she may not be long for this world. Thankfully she bounced back from it all and while still in a lot of pain is on the mend.

Overall, Nellie is not in great health and I think back and for the past 4 or 5 Christmases. because of her overall health there was always talk of making it special for her as it would likely be her last. She is a tough cookie that old girl, here she is after all is said and done and still going. Her health has been talked and talked about and yet still when she goes to the hospital everyone is in panic mode. You would think by now you would be at least some what prepared. I don’t think we ever are really prepared, we can say we are, we even think we are but all that seems to be forgotten at the moment.

Seeing her laying there breathing all rattlely and then hearing congestive heart failure shook me up wondering if that is what I will be looking like and struggling to breath. I say I am prepared for what lies ahead, I do believe I am, I feel I am. Am I going to be hit with that last minute panic when my turn arrives, I hope not.

I realize as does I think everyone else, we all know of Nellie’s health and yet it is just taken for granted she will always be there. When it really does hit you that she/he/they will not makes you think and appreciate them more. Any one in your life you are just taking for granted in this or any other way.

This past week has been one of extreme ups and downs. I have written of how Nellie, Vi’s mum is in the hospital. Now Nellie is 86 years old and not in the best of health to begin with. Last week she got up in the middle of the night and took a fall. She broke a bone right at the bottom of the pelvis. The break is such that it can be left alone and will with time heal on its own. Doctors say that is very fortunate as she would never survive any surgery should it have been required. In her fall she bruised a good part of her left side and got a good bang on the head.

She was taken to the hospital, diagnosed and pumped full of morphine and a lot of other drugs. She was dehydrated and an IV was started. a lot of fluid was put into her body but very little was passing through. Heart failure, kidney failure all sorts of possibilities were discussed and none were to nice to hear. More drugs added to her intake.

In the first I think 3 days she didn’t really sleep, more just dozed off. Pain management was a problem and more and more drugs were being used. as time passed in her waking moments she became less and less rational even combative at times. Dementia is suspected and yet more drugs are added. Pneumonia sets in the situation is just getting worse by the day even it seemed by the hour.Over night bed side vigil, several rushed trips to the hospital a very stressful time. With each trip to the hospital the situation seemed to be just getting worse and worse.

Finally, I think it was Saturday afternoon or evening she seemed to fall into a deep fitful sleep, she remained that way most of Sunday. Visiting was limited so as not to disturb her. Visits were sad, knowing or at least feeling inside this may be the last time you do see her.

Nellie is well known in the family for being “stubborn”, I am CONTINUALLY assured that stubborn streak was NOT passed on to Vi. Monday morning go tip toeing into her room not sure what to expect and there she is sitting up in bed impatiently waiting for her coffee. Still a little confused but about 80% back to her normal. Yesterday go and NELLIE IS BACK to her normal self and wanting to go home. I can’t tell you how good that was to see and how relieved and happen is the entire family.

The change is amazing. I thank all for the prayers said for her, the power of those prayers is amazing, I see it right here in front of me.

That Nellie is one tough “cookie” and that everything considered she is now doing quite well. She did give us a bit of a scare.

Right now she is kind of confusing to the doctors as she has several issues going on and the symptoms she is showing could be from any of them. It is upsetting for the family just helplessly watching he lie there. When she is asleep her body is switching and jerking uncontrolably. When she is awake she has her lucid moments but is most often delusional. Her latest complication is pneumonia. Continued prayers please.

I have read all of the comments left and appreciate the support. There have also been some “exciting” comments and I hope to get to reply to them in the nest few days.

Since I started this blog I have mostly been able to share my thoughts and feelings from the patients point of view. I am not sure how many times it has been but many many times I have said I beleive it is hardest on the families. With 5 heart attacks, open heart surgery with numerous trips to emergency. Now in all of these events I was the “star” the main character with all attention being directed towards me. Vi is pushed to a waiting room while I am assessed and they get control of pain…… during that time I at least know what is happening. Often I have been given a shot of some sort of happy juice to make me nice and relaxed.

Out in the waiting room Vi is a bundle of nerves not knowing my condition, what is happening or really anything. That is so very much harder.

With Vi’s mother in the hospital, I am now on the other side of the table. The waiting, the not knowing, the wishing to be able to do something. You want the best for the patient but really aren’t even such what that is. All that waiting and not knowing.

Now Nellie is 86 years old, blind and virtually deaf. She can’t see what is going on around her and can hear very little leaving her feeling very isolated and alone. A family member is with her as much as possible.

I thank you for the prayers for mother-in-law Nellie. She is a tough cookie but being well into her eighties she doesn’t have the strength she once did.Yesterday was a very hard day on her. Most of the day was spent trying to control her blood pressure and with pain management. It was like she was having little seizures or something as her whole body was continually spasming. When she fell apparently she hit her head on the way down and they are doing all sorts of tests. It got to the point where she was slurring her words and become a little incoherent. By that time though she had so many drugs in her system which may have caused that. The clan is gathering

I ask for prayers please. Vi’s mother (my mother-in-law) Nellie took a fall last night and is currently in the hospital in tremendous pain. While on her way to the bathroom in the middle of the night she fell. I am not sure how she landed but it must have been on her bum as she has broken one of her sit bones. I didn’t even know there was such a thing as a sit bone and am sure it likely has a more technical name. It is one of 2 bones right at the bottom of the pelvis. Prayers please.

The past 2 days have been quite hectic around here, tired me right out. We had the big exterior windows to the house replace. The installers John, Shawna and Dave were great. So friendly while doing a quality job. It is nice to see some one hard at work when it is obvious they know what they are doing. Just a special hi to you guys and a big thank you.

Who am I?

I am a 61 year old male. At the age of 52 I was told by my doctor I am dying. For the past 4 years, I have done my best to deal with both congestive heart failure and a brain tumor, while knowing my days are indeed numbered. It is my hope that by sharing my experiences, I can encourage others faced with the same situation. I hope to also help the families of those individuals to have an understanding of the process and deal with the fear or dread of being around the dying.
I am not a doctor, not a man of the clergy, I am not a therapist. I am just me, Bill Howdle, I am merely sharing my thoughts and ideas. I write of death and dying, understand this is my personal prospective, based on what I am encountering.