Q: I’m divorcing my unfaithful husband. Should I ask him questions about who he was with? I recently found out about five women.

-Lori K.

A: Hi Lori,

I’m sorry to read about your divorce due to the unfaithfulness of your husband. There are few things that can weaken the bond between two people more severely than infidelity. Adultery is an assault to a marriage of the most serious kind and often does irreparable damage. When it’s done multiple times with multiple partners, it displays more than a momentary lapse in judgment. In cases like your husband’s, it reveals a character flaw that demands much more than a simple apology from the perpetrator and indicates a need for therapy. With that said, let me respond to your question regarding whether you should pursue more information about who he was with.

Even though I understand your curiosity and desire to know the details, I encourage you to not pursue this line of investigation. My experience tells me that it will do nothing for you but feed your anger and prolong your emotional pain. Since you’ve already made the decision to divorce him, I encourage you to focus your attention on your new life and future as opposed to this old pain and your past. Since you’ve decided to divorce him, it’s best to look forward, Lori, and start putting this painful and disappointing past behind you.