A prayer to be self-discipline and diligent in learning and making contributions

I am lost. Before I am living with a family, sometimes I felt lonely and envious of those happy families I saw at public area. Today, I spent entire day with a family of my lover. Then I was facing a dilemma. Why am I not working?

There are moments when I have to wait for others, I thought that I am pretty mature to handle this. I brought reading materials, and my mobile phone also contains my learning notes, so I would always have to things to read, revise, and contemplate.

Yes, I have been relatively slacked as compared to when I live on my own. If I have to examine my lives honestly, I would say that the period when I was 15-17 years old was my most hardworking era in my learning pursuit. I lived in the military-standard of discipline. I missed those days, because after the strict days, I had a trip to visit my parents, to be their princess for a month. I had excellent results and achievements to make my parents proud, to ease their worries on how to fund my tertiary education.

Today, as I was comfortably sitting on the car that bro-in-law drove, I felt uneasy. I want to work, I want to make contributions. We had dinner at a restaurant, such a place that I would never visit when I was studying as an undergraduate student. Perhaps, we had many expensive (not too expensive by many of my current peers’ standard, but definitely more expensive than my standard when I was an undergraduate) meals, hence there is no specialty associated with them. I remember a banquet dinner (at a hotel) when I was 17 years old. It was a memorable one because I did not have many such dinner and I won a prize. I was so happy for the food, relieved for winning a prize so that I would not disappoint my teacher who passionately trained me, hopeful that I might increase my chance of obtaining a university scholarship.

Today, I long to eat simple food with loved ones, and keep those delicious ones on special occasions such as birthdays and celebrations (Darling or our children do well, help others). Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Christmas have been too commercial to enjoy fine dining at economical rate, perhaps we could have home cooked ones on these days. Then, on our birthdays and anniversary, we could have once-a-year fine dining.
God, please guide me to be more discipline.
I want to be a good family member, yet not over-reliant on them, not to take them as excused to slack.
I want to be Your hardworking daughter. God please grant me the inner peace when I have choose. Please guide me to make decisions.