Monday, March 19, 2012

Possessiveness: WHY??

I am sure all of us would have experienced an intense
craving, an extreme desire to possess something or someone. You haven’t? Well,
good for you is all I can say. Because I have felt it a zillion times. The need
to possess something materialistically, to own someone, to win someone’s love,
to catch someone’s love a bit more than that person provides it to someone
else, and the list goes on. But there have been two major questions that haunt
me when I think about possessiveness and its ‘forms’. Why exactly do we have
this feeling to possess something or someone? Why is it that we feel insecure
or jealous when your boyfriend/husband talk or at the least smile at another girl?
Why is it that we feel we are less loved by our parents when they care a bit
more (or so we feel) our younger sibling and not us? Is it because we are
otherwise less loved? I really don’t think so. But why then this
possessiveness?

A couple walks down the road. They are merrily talking
holding hands. Out of nowhere, there is this friend of her boyfriend’s who
smiles at him and slows down for a small chat. The guy too stops by to talk to
her and introduces his girlfriend to her as well. But the rest of the journey
does not seem like it was five minutes back. There were no holding hands and
there definitely is no ‘merry talking’ going on. Why did the girl feel sad? Was
she insecure? Or jealous? Or worst of all did she not trust him? Personally,
many at times I have felt that this feeling has nothing to do with trust. Please
read, many at times! So why then this possessiveness?

A child is happily playing with her doll. She combs the
Barbie’s hair, corrects her clothes and plants a kiss on her cheek. Her mother’s
friend’s daughter comes home. She too joins with the first child, and guess
what, she loves the same Barbie. The house is sure to end up in a mess. The first
child cries and snatches the doll saying “its mine”, while the second child
whines and yells, “I want it”. Why exactly does it happen?

Is possessiveness good or bad? Many at times I have felt bad
when my best friend talks to another person and feels as comfortable as she is
with me, with her. Is it good or bad? It isn’t because I have a feeling I would
lose her. I would never lose her. She is my best friend. But then why this feeling. Why, WHy, WHY!!!

14 comments:

so true. I have read somewhere that where there is love there is possessiveness.. To certain extent everyone are able to deal with it in a relationship but if possessiveness increases too much then definitely none can save the relationship.:(

I so wish I had an answer. Not just to answer you but to give myself the answer and satisfaction too. Trust has nothing to do with it or maybe in some rare cases it does.

I can say I've gone through this feeling a zillion times. In the boyfriend case, it's because I suddenly feels he gives more importance to another girl than me. Knowing very well, that's not the case. Still a feeling of me being inferior comes. Especially when the girl he talks to looks good. I get a complex. :/ Sounds stupid, but it's true!

In the best friend case, yes, I feel scared to lose her. There's a constant fear that someone else will be more important for her someday.

I think the idea is- we want to feel wanted. Wanted and loved. And when we see that love being shared, we don't like it. Because that was ours. Only ours. But then again, we shouldn't feel like that. WHY WHY! Shya I'm thinking now!

@Shreya: That comment made a lot happy you know! Because I felt happy and comfy when I understood that I have one more person like myself. And I guess it is because we want it to be ours. But still why??!!

Possessiveness to an extent stems from losing the attention of the person you are used to getting it from.All the times i have been possessive about my loved ones is because of this very reason.Thats my rationale!

possessiveness is something unexplainable .. I was once very possessive about a friend ... but now I have out grown it... One of my friend helped me to get rid of it... Now my philosophy is if you love someone set them free ... nice write up :D