It’s so old-school it even has a cord. Kind of like a record player—always relevant and impossible to duplicate.

Ladies, if you haven't guessed it by the timeless image of spandex-clad women above, I am a big fan of the Hitachi Magic Wand. Sure it’s a bit cumbersome and doesn’t have the appeal of some of the more, um, "ergonomic toys" on the market, but that’s what I love about it. No bells, no whistles. In this instance, function clearly wins out over form.

Hitachi makes power tools for goodness sake, so they know a thing or two about intensity. The wand is loud, large and it’s in charge. If you last more than five minutes, you might consider entering your time into the Guinness Book of World Records. It’s that good.

The bonus? If you get caught, you can start massaging your neck with it. Just don't expect anyone to actually believe you're working out a kink.

Have you ever tried the Hitachi? If so, what did you think of it? What's your favorite sex toy?