Top 10 Grossest Video Game Characters

WARNING: Do not read this list if you are about to eat, if you have just ate, or if you ever plan on eating any time for the rest of your life. You have been warned.

There are some absolutely disgusting retro video game characters. Now there are characters that have an unappealing design, are brutally disfigured, or obscene but we aren’t talking about them. Instead we are going to look at the most revolting and crude characters ever created.

Remember last time when I said my next list would be a rehash of the first list I ever wrote? Well, I lied! I actually planned to rewrite my first list until the idea for this one popped in my head. I was about to fall asleep, because I had work at 4:00am the next day, when this stupid idea for a list snuck its way into my brain and would not leave. I spent the next 3 hours doing research and coming up with a rough list of entries… I hope you enjoy the results of my insomnia.

Rules:

One character per franchise.

Characters are ordered based on how disgusting they are to me.

Mistakes may be made, if thou see a mistake do not by a douchebag, but please point it out.

I haven’t played every single video game ever made, so your favorite might not be on this list.

However, every character on this list is from a game I have played.

Constructive criticism is always appreciated.

10.) Gon

You all remember Gon right?

Well some of you might, but others have no idea what I’m talking about. Gon is a cute orange dinosaur, who started off as a manga character. The manga was widely popular in Japan and very unique because it contained no dialog. He was so popular that he got his own video game for the Super Famicom, that was only released in Japan.

Gon’s biggest claim to fame was that he was an unlockable character in Tekken 3. This is the only non-Tekken character I can think of to make his way into a Tekken game, and it’s such an odd choice. It’s a little orange dragon that shoots fire and has toxic farts.

Now I’m sure these farts are some of the worse in gaming history. Why? Well because he’s a dinosaur! I don’t know what dinosaurs eat, but the fact that there is so much fossilized dinosaur poop around means they probably stunk.

9.) Abe

A character that can fart on command, has to make an appearance on this list somewhere. Abe takes the spot against another farter, Wario, because while Wario has some excessive flatulence in Super Smash Bros. Brawl and even the Wario Ware games, but in Wario’s retro appearance he didn’t do much besides some scratching and booger mining.

Abe however from Oddworld: Abe’s Odyssey and Abe’s Exodus can fart on demand. In fact this was one of the main selling points of the game, which you can see above. In Abe’s Odyssey, Abe can fart on command and will giggle at his poop chute toot and other character will react as well. This is great for some childish humor. However, the fart gets amped up in Abe’s Exodus. In this game if Abe drinks a special brew he can possess his own fart. He literally becomes a noxious cloud of gas that can be used to distract, or explode enemies.

Abe becomes an exploding fart, and is deserving of a spot on this list.

8.) Queen Slug-for-a-butt

We’ve actually already briefly mentioned Queen Slug-for-a-butt, in my list of the Top 10 Pixelated Princesses, but let’s do a quick refresher course.

Queen Slug-for-a-butt is from one of my favorite video game series of all time, Earthworm Jim. In this game, you are a normal earthworm in a super space suit and are trying to rescue Princess What’s-her-name, from evil while trying to keep the super space suit out of Queen Slug-For-A-Butt’s hand, not that she’d ever fit into it anyway, but if she did, she’d use it to take over the world.

Queen Slug-for-a-butt is the prime example of the power of words. While the shortened version of her name, Queen Slug-for-a-butt is disgusting it pales in comparison to her full name which is Evil Queen Pulsating, Bloated, Festering, Sweaty, Pus-Filled, Malformed Slug-for-a-Butt. This is a name that can cause nausea, add that to her grotesque appearance and Queen Slug-for-a-butt is designed to disgust.

7.) Bonk

Bonk is a caveman and used to be the mascot of the Turbografx-16. His games were pretty simple. Bonk just ran around using his massive head to crush dinosaurs.

So how can he be on the list of grossest video game characters? Well, I guess it all begins with Bonk’s Adventure on the Nintendo Entertainment System or NES. The game starts off like a traditional Bonk game. You run around smashing dinosaurs with your noggin and eating meat, but then something odd happens. You run into a dead end, with a gigantic dinosaur to the left of you. The ONLY way to proceed is to bash the dinosaur on the head, and walk into its mouth. The next level you go through the dinosaur, literally, through the dinosaur’s internal organs, intestine, and stomach.

This is gross enough, but the end of the level is straight out of the dinosaur’s backside. There’s no doubt about it, because you exit the level right under the dinosaurs tail. That means Bonk either goes through, or becomes dinosaur feces, and then is literally pooped out.

6.) Johnny Sasaki

Johnny Sasaki is a man without a lot of luck, but many people don’t know who he is outside of Metal Gear Solid 4. Well Johnny Sasaki or one of his ancestors have made an appearance in nearly all Metal Gear Solid games.

Johnny Sasaki’s debut in the original Metal Gear Solid was supposed to be for comedic effect. He was one of the Genome Soldiers who tried to stop Solid Snake during the Shadow Moses Incident. He falls in love with Meryl at first sight, but is quickly done in by her beauty. He is tricked, knocked unconscious, and stripped of his clothes. The pose he is left in is gross, but it’s not the reason he’s on this list.

Johnny Sasaki suffers from irritable bowel syndrome. Later on in the game he is sent to guard Solid Snake who is locked up in a cell. Unfortunately, Johnny has to go to the bathroom quite often because of his diarrhea. Sounds are made, and they are not pleasant. The diarrhea joke continues into the sequels, and they continue to be disgusting. Johnny Sasaki the shit spewing naked solider takes the number six spot.

5.) Master Belch

Ahh… Earthbound, I love you so much, but it’s been so long since I played you. I mean it’s been years and years.

Master Belch, who kind of looks like Krumm from Aaahh!!! Real Monsters, is a recurring boss in the Super Nintendo RPG, Earthbound. He is a fun boss battle, and is addicted/can be distracted by Fly Honey. When you face him the second time, it’s memorable because Poo returns from training and finishes him with PSI Starstorm.

The thing that puts Master Belch on this list is that he’s a giant pile of puke. He burps, belches , makes odd noises, and is just disgusting. I have few experiences with vomit. Sometimes my puppy will puke from eating grass and that’s bad, then there is my baby nephew who spits up something that looks like spoiled and curdled milk and that’s worse, then there are liquid projectiles of pilsner and ale of drunken idiots which is the absolute worst. Now imagine a giant pile of vomit, commanding mini piles of vomit and they’re all attacking you.

4.) Angus

I’ve played Kasumi Ninja on my cousin’s Atari Jaguar, and I thought it was fun. Nevertheless, it’s an obscure and pretty mediocre Mortal Kombat ripoff with ninjas and digitized characters. The game is pretty forgetful, except for one character… ANGUS MACGREGOR!

Now, Angus Macgregor is your typical or should I say stereotypical Scottish warrior. He has red hair, a thick accent, and he wears a kilt. Now none of this seems gross, but wait there’s more. Angus’ signature move is that he lifts up his kilt, flashing his opponent, and then shoots a fireball from under his kilt. Now fighting game logic dictates that special moves have to come from somewhere. A hadoken comes from Ryu’s hands for example. The hands or the feet is the case for most characters, however Angus is different. From the picture above we can only assume Angus is shooting the fireball from his Scotland Yard, but still… it’s a fireball, coming out of his Loch Ness Monster! I don’t care if that was my special move, I do not want flames that close to my Scotch on the Rocks.

What about his pubic hair, does it burn? What if he’s about to get intimate, will it go off? For making me think way too much about a video game character’s umm… Bagpipe?, Angus gets the number four spot.

Penis.

3.) Boogerman

Boogerman is actually the character that inspired this list, but he is not deserving of the number one spot. If you don’t already know, Boogerman is the titular character to the video game Boogerman. With Boogerman: A Pick and Flick Adventure as your title, we’re obviously not looking at highbrow humor here, but it’s very lowbrow.

The plot of this game is that Professor Stinkbaum invented a machine that teleports pollution to Dimension X-Crement. These are really the names, this game gives us. Eccentric millionaire, Snotty Ragsdale goes to see this invention, but due to a particularly powerful sneeze he accidentally activates the machine and a mysterious hand emerges from the portal to Dimension X-Crement and steals the invention’s power source. Luckily, Snotty’s alter ego is Boogerman! He changes into his costume and saves the day.

Boogerman then uses burps, fart, his own nose-gold, and other disgusting tactics to defeat his enemies. He travels through rank swamps and disguisting sewers and adds his own bile, excrement, and mucus to the dimension. Not only is Boogerman a disgusting character, but he’s making a dimension full of shit even worse.

2.) Chaos

Ahhh… Primal Rage, one of my favorite fighters growing up and with such a unique cast of characters.

One such character is called Chaos. Chaos used to be a rogue scientist. He was experimenting with being able to control human evolution. One fateful day an evolution spell went wrong and the scientist was transformed into the pink-ish/red and grotesque ape-like creature known as Chaos. Now the only way to transform back is to defeat all his enemies.

You’d think formerly being a scientist, Chaos would use his brain to defeat his opponents but nothing could be further from the truth. Instead, like many characters on this list, Chaos uses bodily functions as weapons. He can use a noxious cloud of gas to stun opponents, or use puke as a projectile.

The most disgusting things about Chaos and the reason he’s in the number two spot are his finishing moves. Chaos can melt an opponent down to the bone with his acidic piss. He can also jump into the water poisoning the entire water supply. However, his last finishing move is the worst. Chaos projectile vomits a slow moving pile of puke then sucks it up and swallows it.

He kills an opponent, by grossing them out… that’s deserving of this spot.

1.) The Great Mighty Poo

I know this is a bit predictable, but I cannot justify the number one spot going to anyone else.

The Great Mighty Poo is a boss, and one of the most memorable character in the Nintendo 64 classic, Conker’s Bad Fur Day. This is a game about a hungover squirrel who’s just trying to get home to his girlfriend, and trying to not become furniture for a sadistic king.

Inside the aptly named Poo Mountain, Conker is introduced to the Great Mighty Poo, which is literally just a giant pile of shit. There are a few things that make The Great Mighty Poo different, first off he’s alive (somehow), second he only likes to eat sweet corn which also makes up his smile, third and oddest… is that The Great Mighty Poo sings an opera song throughout the entire fight.

An amazing remix

The only way to defeat The Great Mighty Poo is to throw rolls of toilet paper into his mouth while he is singing, and then flush him. All the while, you have to dodge balls of poop he throws at you. This fight and character are both disgusting.

Every time I hear him sing about his “chocolate starfish” I gag.

Sorry, for any upset stomachs this list might have caused. We’ll go back to something a little more appetizing next time.

Eric Vole

Eric Vole, more commonly known as Woodyman has a need... A need to put video game items into a list from 10 to 1. Luckily he has a blog at ScrewAttack.com and has now found a home at 1 More Castle. Follow him on Twitter at @Woodyman_g1 for incoherent ramblings.