The Weenies Are Winning America

Author’s Note: I’m back. Naturally, there is an entirely rational explanation for my long absence, and fortunately, I have the maturity to keep it to myself. Let’s start off with a rant that I recently shared with Goodreads’ The Humour Club:

Humor is our most enjoyable form of truth.

JUST FOR FUN

A recent Washington Postarticle entitled, People are so stressed by this election that the American Psychological Association has coping tips, brings to light a disturbing trend in America’s social consciousness: We are losing our toughness.

It’s unfortunate, but true.

How can anyone rational be stressed by a presidential election just because the candidates are unquestionably defective? Let’s face reality, the candidates are always defective! (Some significantly more defective and groping than others.) I’m not stressed by this at all. In fact, I am fully cognizant of the fact that just to enter into the political arena a person must have a screw loose and be as ethically-challenged as a pickpocket after milk money in a daycare center.

On the other hand, if politicians aren’t carrying any baggage, they’ve never done a damn thing. No one in politics accomplishes anything without making enemies, making mistakes, and screwing taxpayers. That’s the job!

Granted, blatant criminal behavior is not in the job description, but then neither was Climate Change denial, and we should just thank our lucky stars that planet Earth does not wear a short skirt and a clingy top.

Understanding even a little about politics in general, how can anyone claim that America’s Standard Political Modus Operandi causes stress?

It’s because we are turning into a nation of weenies.

The American Psychological Association can find “weenie” in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5). It’s listed under Miscellaneous Disorders between ‘Fear of a stubbed toe’ and ‘Skinned-knee phobias.’

Today, American college students want a “safe space” to avoid opinions that offend them. American women want equal rights and freedoms without having to emulate Mary McCauley in a hot combat zone. Men want girlfriends without having to grovel. I tell you the weenies are winning in America!

Now, I’m no Chuck Norris, but I don’t hide in a “safe space” when someone disagrees with me, or expresses an opinion that I believe deserves to be flushed forthwith. I can also claim that, in my younger days, I did serve in the military and I have walked through active combat zones. While I readily admit my knees were knocking, there was nothing wrong with my spine.

Perhaps, that’s the key. “Safe space” must be a euphamism for undiagnosed spine damage.

Wait.

That’s probably covered under the Americans with Disabilities Act.

Let me think…

Okay, since I don’t want to be prosecuted and end up in federal prison, it appears that I’m forced to relent. Ergo, let election stress abound. Let the entire population seek coping tips and hide ignobly in a safe space. Let the weenies win.

Anybody know the lyrics to O Canada.

Parting Funny: I like how we say “vegan” now instead of “eating disorder”. – Alex Baze