When Aliens Attack! or; Chocolate Action Party!

You know I like the best about clear nights? It’s looking at the stars. But stars are for gays. I ignore the stars. I like it because you see weird shit if you properly pay attention.

You see things that look like little stars, but then you notice they’re moving. I’m not saying there’s lots of them, but you can see them every time if you pay attention. Have a good look up one night for about half an hour and I’m guaranteeing you will see at least one. I just saw two weird things. Both looked like little stars. One was flying across the sky pretty quickly and moving all odd. The other just appeared out of no-where then flew forward a bit before turning back on its-self quite sharply and shooting off.

Now I’m not saying “ALIENS!” like that silly goose off of Ancient Aliens, But I am saying it probably is. The worst thing? The worst thing is that… they are here for your children!

That’s right. The aliens are coming and then they’re leaving, but they are taking your children with them. Not for anything weird. they just want to show them something really, really cool. I know a guy who knows a guy and apparently they take your kidsto this massive water-slide, but instead of water it’s this magic chocolate that can never get dirty or have it’s flavour tainted. The ceiling of this slide, it’s a tube by-the-way, is lined with animation frames from loads of Cartoon Network cartoons, so you see it as a moving film as you slide down with the soundtrack to them all playing through speakers that line the bottom. When you get to the bottom you slide out and you’re in this banging house party, twenty-two years older and getting off with this really hot girl and you’re filthy rich and you drive a Porsche.

Sounds like heaven, right? That’s because it is heaven. Your children are dead.