Trying to improve body and mind every day while balancing work, family and a teen with a mood disorder.

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Taking Stock - Fresh Start

The fridge died this weekend and we lost all of our food. I hadn't gone shopping so it wasn't catastrophic, but now that I'm confident it's working again, we have a completely empty and clean fridge and freezer... Starting fresh. The DH is gone for the next five days so the kids and I can eat clean without fear of chips and queso polluting our meals or mysterious cans of soda stocking our shelves.

My DH is very passive aggressive. He practices acts of diet sabotage out of kindness, "I thought you liked coconut..." or "I knew you were making dinner so I thought I'd pick up dessert!"If I mention that we want to eat clean and no sugar or processed foods, he'll get all igdignant and resort to the nuclear option - "FINE! I'LL JUST THROW IT OUT! IT'S ONLY A $%#( PIE AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO EAT ANY OF IT!" Wash, rinse, repeat... This is a man who has gained nearly 50lbs (probably more) in the last 5 years, has high blood pressure and a knee that bothers him so much he has to hold railings to climb stairs and can't pick up anything off the floor. His apea/snoring is terrible. The man doesn't know what a restorative sleep is and just getting in a car is like the world's most potent sleeping pill. It's tough to watch and although he'll agree to diet or eat healthier or at least not bring soda and junk home for the kids, it will just show up, as if the conversation I had about health and food was with some other being. It's always "I'm trying,"
I'm not under any delusion - I know I can't make him lose weight. I can't make him want to get healthy. My concern is my health and the girls. I don't want to set them up for failure. I want to give them a firm foundation of health to go out into the world. Ultimately I want a life partner. I don't want to play nurse to an invalid who out of nothing but neglect and pig-headedness decimated his body. You only get one shot and I want to be as active and a part of this world as I can possibly be. I will not live with the consequences of his inaction. I hope that spending a weekend with the dysfunction of his parent's relationship and the pitiful state of his mother's health will maybe, just maybe ,be his "Come to Jesus" moment.

Nevertheless, It will be nice to take a break and get 5 good diet days under my belt before life returns to our normal.