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22 April 2006

post-graduation quandary

the graduates were requested to assemble and i saw a butterfly flying around. beautiful. she was with her parents and sadly her man was there too. i would be lying if i said i felt nothing, because i felt something. after the college graduation, i saw her with her boyfriend walking our way. i immediately got into the van avoiding a possible awkward moment. but she still saw me and congratulated me. i can only smile. even my sister, who saw her earlier, liked her.

university graduation, PICC. after screaming my lungs out, howling 7 years of struggle, it's time for some kodak moments. clicks and flashes, then it was over. it's time to say our goodbyes. i wanted to hug my friends, but they graduated 2 years earlier, they were nowhere in sight. she on the other hand was hugging everybody. and when our eyes locked, we said our congratulations, shook hands, and had a semi-hug. i couldn't hug her, but i wanted to squeeze her. i could've given more, i could've gotten more. i wanted more. and that was it.

it's been a week since we finished our internship in cavite. i miss the house, i miss the housemates, i miss her. it's also been a week since i felt like i should stop thinking about her and move on. i've been blurting out words to people, saying i don't like her no more, that i've decided to suppress my feelings. yeah ron, keep telling yourself that. maybe it's time i put my "holding-back" position to full throttle.

though the song still lingers in my head:

i fell in love with a dream that I built of you, playing the part of the queen. taking my own advice, i'm giving up tonight. Good luck to you and the king.

could you pencil me in when you can? though we both know that the worst part about it is i would be free when you wanted me, if you wanted me...

i am the man on the side. hoping you'll make up your mind. i am the one who will swallow his pride. life as the man on the side...