Monday, December 24, 2007

Republican Hopefuls

Now it is the Elephants’ turn to prove themselves worthy of the nomination from The OpinionSmith.

Rudy Giuliani: Quite simply the most pathetic athletic resume I have ever seen. All I have found is that he is a Yankees fan. If a tyrannosaurus rex was in the presidential race, the dinosaur would get the nod over Guiliani if you asked me. And to top it all off he isn’t even that good at being a Yankees fan. He was rooting for the Red Sox in the most recent World Series. That is the true definition of a politician: Moronic.

Mike Huckabee: He is a former Baptist preacher, which isn’t impressive from an athletic standpoint. But did you know that the Baptist preacher at my church growing up played college and semi-pro basketball? Even more impressive is that Huckabee lost 110 pounds after finding out he had adult-onset diabetes. To put that in perspective: He lost my wife! I recall seeing him in a Runner’s World issue a while back because of the weight loss and the fact that he has run four marathons.

Duncan Hunter: He served in Vietnam but was not a POW, which I’m sure he is thankful for. The fact that he wasn’t a POW does not lessen the fact that he fought though. Hunter represents San Diego, which is a city I am very fond of from a sports perspective. I played in Spring Break baseball tournaments in my high school days and my wife ran a marathon there.

John McCain: Everyone should be familiar with the fact that McCain was a POW during Vietnam after his plane was shot down. If you’re not, shame on you. I encourage you to read up on his time in captivity because it’s quite amazing. All in all, McCain spent 5.5 years as a POW. Some lesser-known facts on him are that he received two varsity letters as a prep wrestler, boxed while attending the Naval Academy and drove a Corvette and dated an exotic dancer out of school. If that last tidbit doesn’t resonate with today’s professional athletes nothing will.

Ron Paul: Fairly impressive athletic resume when compared to the other characters in the race. He was the Pennsylvania state champion in the 220-yard dash and finished 2nd in the 440-yard dash in high school. Given those distances that must have been a long time ago since I’ve never heard of races at that distance. Rumor has it, Paul had a track scholarship but due to an injury he figured it would be prudent not to take the risk. He also competed in wrestling, football and baseball.

Mitt Romney: He has the best chance of relating to the lifestyle of an elite professional athlete. His net worth is estimated to be between $190M and $250M. You know you have a lot of money when the gap between the low end and high end is $60M. Romney did have a successful run as CEO of the Salt Lake Organizing Committee. From all accounts Salt Lake did a great job hosting the 2002 Winter Olympics and Romney gets some credit since he took over after it was determined the previous regime was corrupt.

Tom Tancredo: He taught junior high school before selling out and becoming a politician. A lot of junior high teachers are known to coach so maybe Tancredo did some of that. He is known for his hard-line stance on immigration so you have to figure he is a huge fan of Team USA at the Olympics or any other international competition.

Fred Thompson: After high school he worked nights at a bicycle assembly plant. This isn’t really the same as competing in the Tour de France but what else can you expect from an actor. Thompson had a role in Necessary Roughness (also starring Kathy Ireland, who was in the SI Swimsuit Issue a time or two) and Days of Thunder. Not exactly the makings of a decathlete here.

The Pick: Needless to say this group is much more impressive from an athletic standpoint than the Democrats. I get the impression that some of these guys have actually played sports during their lives. Since The OpinionSmith values winning more than just participating the choice is Ron Paul. He actually won a high school state championship. I love the fact that he knows how to win and that he did it in an individual event. There was no relying on teammates for Paul, just relying on his fast-twitch muscles.