A Relationship Born Of Cheating Dies Of Cheating

June 18, 1986|By Laura Kavesh and Cheryl Lavin.

Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly . . .`` And cheaters gotta cheat. It`s just that simple. Why do some people think they can change the laws of nature? Jeanette was married to a man who she says would have made ``a great brother.`` She cared about him, enjoyed his company, admired his heart, mind and soul. She did everything but love him. And sleep with him. After 10 years of marriage, the magic was not just gone, it was long gone.

And making matters worse was Arnie. He was the husband of one of her best friends. The friend had confided that Arnie was fooling around. So when Jeanette wanted to fool around herself, why look further than Arn?

``I had more fun than I ever dreamed possible,`` says Jeanette. ``But damned if I didn`t fall in love with him in the process.``

The affair--``the love of a lifetime``--turned into a regular little Knots Landing. Jeanette and Arnie both divorced their spouses and married.

But it wasn`t all warm hugs and tender looks. It was cold, hard fights about kids and money. His kids hated her--Jeanette says ``a venomous wife poisoned them`` against her--and they demanded money. Three months after the

``I do`s,`` Arnie walked out. He said he wanted to be ``single, without any adult relationships complicating his life.`` He still loved Jeanette, of course, he just didn`t want to be married to her.

Jeanette was crushed. When a job opportunity in another part of the country came up, she jumped at it. A month after she settled in, there was that knock on the door. The divorce was not yet final and Arnie wanted to

``try again.`` Jeanette was hesitant--``I had never before suffered the way I had when he wanted out. Even when my dad died, I hadn`t mourned like that``--but she took him back anyway.

``After all, I loved him more than I had ever thought I had the capacity to love anyone.``

He moved in, and without the kids to fight about, they got along pretty well. The happy domesticity lasted for two years. Then little things made Jeanette realize the honeymoon was over. He referred to her brown eyes; her eyes are green. He mentioned he had stopped smoking five days earlier; he had never even discussed it with her.

Then he made the same ``I want to be single`` speech he made two years earlier. The same ``I still love you, I just don`t want to be married to you`` speech. Talk about deja vu.

Arnie packed his bags and left. Jeanette was in pain. Pain that she describes as ``a combination of heartburn, nausea, chest pains, and a stomach ache.`` It took her 14 weeks before she could sleep through the night.

There was a bit of unfinished financial business between them, so one night--at 10:30 p.m.--she called him. The conversation was pleasant and then the door bell rang at his end. Jeanette was curious. Surely it wasn`t Avon calling at that hour. No. It was an old girlfriend of hers, Marg. Arnie told Jeanette he had started dating her about a week after he moved back to where he used to live.

``Is she important to you?`` Jeanette asked. ``Yes,`` said Arnie. ``How important?`` asked Jeanette. ``Let`s put it this way. We`re already planning how to spend my 50th birthday.`` Arnold is only 45 years old.

So much for the old ``I want to be single`` speech. Wanna bet the next person who hears it is Marg?

Overheard. . .

-- ``I`m 37 and I`ve been dating for five years, ever since my divorce. The people out there that I date remind me of the reduced produce at the grocery store. There`s something wrong with all of them.``