Sasha Answers: The roommate wants to come on holiday

Hi Sasha, I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 4 years now. Because of work we don’t live in the same city, but we do see each other every weekend. He has a roommate and whenever I am there for the weekend, I feel like I bit of the third wheel because this guy either tags along or my boyfriend invites him. I don’t mind if he’s around once in a while, but not every time I’m in town. This stresses me the most when we are trying to plan a trip/vacation for the two of us and his roommate wants to come. I don’t know how to say no without hurting any one’s feelings?

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Excuse me? He wants to come on vacation with you guys? Um, sorry but no, he’s not allowed to do that.

Sure, even I get the occasional hangout S, but you need to set some boundaries here, not only with the roommate but with your boy. And, in my opinion, he's the one who has to buck up and tell his friend that you guys need some alone time as a couple.

The only thing that seems tricky here is that your boyfriend doesn't seem to see anything wrong with this threesome situation. So S, you’re going to have to drop some meaty balls and stick him with the sitch straight up, as in: there is no way a vacation is happening with his roommate like, not now or ever. Yes this may hurt the guy’s feelings, but too bad so sad, sometimes that needs to happen for people to get a fucking clue.

The good news is that you don't even have to be a bitch about any of this because what you’re asking here is completely reasonable, i.e., you don’t want to be the odd man out in your own freaking relationship. If you're frank about it, that shouldn't be a tough concept for your boyfriend to grasp.

So sit your man down and have an open and honest conversation. Trust me, almost anything and everything can be worked out through open dialogue, and what you establish now will become a baseline in the future. So if you want a healthier, more balanced relationship for TWO people, then you’re going to have to say something.