Raw Review, 11/5

Security surrounds the ring as Baron Corbin enters. I’m sure the security is to protect Corbin from Braun Strowman. Corbin of course names himself captain of the Raw men’s Survivor Series team, but can’t compete. Makes no sense. He names Ziggler, McIntyre, and Strowman as the first three members. He taught Braun to respect authority at Crown Jewel. And Braun will teach Corbin how to eat through a straw.

Alexa Bliss is captain of the Raw women’s Survivor Series team. She also won’t be competing. Is she that injured? Riott Squad vs. Boss/Hug/Cat again. That was shit at Evolution, so hopefully it can’t get worse.

Kurt Angle comes out! He’s going to call out our blog again! It’s damn true! He challenges Corbin for the captainship of the Raw men’s Survivor Series team! He calls Corbin an embarrassment to Raw to the delight of the crowd. CORBIN ACCEPTS! Hell yeah! I just hope it isn’t as bad as Ziggler vs. Angle at Crown Jewel. Corbin’s lines are terrible. HE SAID IT! HE CALLED OUT THE BLOG! IT’S DAMN TRUE!

Sing it Manchester! BRAAUUUUUUUUUUN! Time to destroy some security. Those guys suck. The entire roster takes on Strowman, and he still powers his way through! It’s a face/heel brawl on the stage! Those are always dumb.

Baron Corbin Promo Rating: Seven Bobby Lashleys

Kurt Angle Promo Rating: Six Stone Colds

Segment Rating: Two This Is Your Lifes

BAYLEY, SASHA BANKS, & NATALYA VS. THE RIOTT SQUAD

It’s scary how much Natalya looks like her father with his sunglasses on. Hopefully that’s not the highlight of this match. I’m sure The Riott Squad will take another stinging loss and continue to stagnate. The match almost ends as soon as it starts as Natalya locks in the Sharpshooter on Ruby, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they booked it that terribly, but thankfully my favorite Viking made sure that didn’t happen.

At least this is better than their Evolution match. Bayley’s suicide dives and flying moves used to look so much cooler in NXT, she seems timid now. I wonder if it has to do with trusting the other women to take it the right way. Natalya about to win with the Sharpshooter, but holy shit, Ruby Riott snaps and stomps on Anvil’s sunglasses. Natalya sobs in the ring as the Riott Squad walks off and the crowd goes almost silent. As someone who has lost a parent, I can feel myself welling up. This was a sensational way to get heat on the Riott Squad and to draw out emotion. Natty is sobbing and drooling. She sold it tremendously. We rarely get something that emotional.

Match Rating: Six Gold Medals

Finish Booking Rating: Nine Dustys

JINDER MAHAL w/SUNIL SINGH VS. APOLLO CREWS

Where is Samir Singh? Is he hurt again? That video promo by Crews was actually pretty good, just as I was about to say I think he needs a mouthpiece. Graves says Samir is in Bollywood doing bigtime movie star things. A terrific clean win for Crews over a former WWE Champion. A press slam and a standing moonsault sends Jinder packing. A short match but hugely impressive for Crews.

Seth is fucked, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Ambrose shows up and does something to have the match end in DQ. Rollins actually has some fight and is able to fight out before AOP can do their Russian Leg Sweep/Clothesline finisher. He even takes BOTH down with a suicide dive. A Blockbuster from the top rope gets a two count, and that was probably his best chance to win. If Rollins wins this, they have completely fucked AOP. They may have already just by having him come this close.

Rezar finally catches Rollins with a powerbomb to set up the end of Rollins’ tag title reign. I can’t believe he lasted that long. Here comes Ambrose. “You wanna know why I did what I did?” The answer is a Dirty Deeds.

Match Rating: Seven Gold Medals, was gonna go eight but they lose one for making AOP look bad

Post-match Booking Rating:

Six Dustys

Strowman hunting Corbin and mowing down security along the way is hilarious. I’m sure he’s going to cost Corbin his match against Angle tonight.

DOLPH ZIGGLER VS. ELIAS

British people know that the White Stripes are not British, right? I know it’s a soccer thing but… ???? Whatever. You don’t see Elias go up top very often, and he crashes and burns on an elbow drop. Ziggler gets a Zig Zag but Elias is able to get his foot on the ropes. Here come the conspiracy theories again. Elias takes advantage of Ziggler’s complaining to the ref with Drift Away for the win. He’s certainly getting a push.

Match Rating: Five Gold Medals

KURT ANGLE SHOUTED OUT THE BLOG AGAIN!

RONDA ROUSEY

Survivor Series is not the one time of year where Raw and SmackDown superstars face each other. Money in the Bank. Shut up Cole. Ronda brings her past vs. Becky Lynch’s past. Another terrific promo. Fuck yeah. I really want these two to get face to face and have a promo war.

Nia Jax comes out to tell Ronda she’s waiting for her. And it’s fucking terrible. She is so god damn bad on the mic.

Ronda Rousey Promo Rating: Nine Ronda Rouseys

Nia Jax Promo Rating: Ten Bellas

EMBER MOON VS. NIA JAX

Ember gets off to a fast start but Nia starts to crunch her. Ember amazingly has something left after getting ragdolled for a little while, and ends a flurry with a huge lariat to take down Nia. But Nia bench presses Ember out of the pin attempt. Nia counters Ember into a Samoan Drop for the win. Good match.

Here comes Tamina again, and it looks like Ember’s in trouble. I can’t wait until these two dominate the soon-to-be-revealed women’s tag team division. Nia joins in on the destruction of Ember once Tamina puts Ember in the Boston Crab. Nia yells wildly after, for some reason.

BOBBY LASHLEY w/LIO RUSH VS. FINN BALOR

Why are they feuding? Where can this possibly go? How is it helping either wrestler? Finn takes another loss. Your first ever Universal Champion, ladies and gentlemen.

Match Rating: One Gold Medal

Drew McIntyre comes out and gets in Lashley’s face then takes out Balor with a Claymore.

DREW McINTYRE VS. KURT ANGLE

Apparently this is still for captainship of the Raw men’s Survivor Series team. That doesn’t make a ton of sense, but ok. This match is definitely better than Angle-Ziggler. Angle is still limited, but McIntyre is bringing more out of him than Ziggler did. Angle goes for an Angle Slam but instead eats a giant Claymore. McIntyre just stares and sits on the ropes instead of going for a pin.

McIntyre offers Angle his leg, but McIntyre beats him off with hammer fists. I’m not going back to erase that sentence, and I don’t care. McIntyre is just toying with Angle at this point. FUCK HIM UP KURT! McIntyre calls Angle an embarrassment to himself and his family. Angle picks the leg! Ankle lock! Drew powers out but his ankle is fucked up. McIntyre hits the Angle Slam, which I felt like was going to happen at some point in the match. He still refuses to pin Angle. He puts Angle in the ankle lock, and Angle taps.

As much as this pains me to say, I hope we don’t see too much more of Angle in the ring, because these last two matches have been painful to watch. Then again, it could be on purpose to set up a triumphant comeback, but I think that’s hoping against hope.