Did You Know?

Charlie: Don't you think it's time you told me who you are. I mean, don't get me wrong, doing the Duke thing with you 24/7 is a blast, but really. Who are you? Leopold: [after a pause, simply] I'm the man that loves your sister.

Charlie: We have a saying in the McKay house: "You shake and shake the ketchup bottle, none will come, and then a lot'll."

[Leopold and Charlie leave the club. Charlie is fuming because Leopold has enthralled Patrice, Charlie's love interest] Charlie: And I would have gotten her number if you hadn't turned the evening into a guided tour of the Louvre! Leopold: My apologies. Charlie: Let's get one thing straight. Patrice, she thought you were cute - probably gay, and cute - and cute, Leo, that's just the kiss of death. Leopold: Perhaps. Charlie: Perhaps? Certainly! Leopold: [produces a napkin] I believe this is her number. [Charlie takes it from him in disbelief] Leopold: As I see it, Patrice has not an inkling of your affections, and it's no wonder. You, Charles, are a merry-andrew. Charlie: A what? Leopold: Everything plays a farce to you. Women respond to sincerity. No-one wants to be romanced by a buffoon. Now, that number rings her. Charlie: Yes? Leopold: So ring her tomorrow. Charlie: I can't. She gave the number to you. Leopold: Only because I told her of your affections. Charlie: [taken aback] Wha - what did you say? Leopold: Merely that you admired her, but you were hesitant to make an overture, as you'd been told she was courting another. Charlie: Shit... that's good! Well, what did she say? Leopold: She handed me the napkin. [Charlie rushes under a lit store window to read the napkin, and starts dialing his cell phone] Leopold: Charles, it's quite late. Charlie: No, no, she won't be home yet. I get her machine and leave a message, ball's in her court. Leopold: You're ladling calculation upon comedy. The point is, to keep the ball in *your* court. Charlie: [slaps his phone shut] You're right! You're right!

Charlie: Victorian dude, who has never seen a Met's game, watching TV. Scene: "I say, are those little people in that box of phosphors. Crikey, I believe it is. This game is more beguiling than cricket"

Charlie: [about the dishwasher] And you push this button. Word to the wise: don't press that till she wakes up, so she sees you doing it. Leopold: How clever. The proverbial tree in the woods. Charlie: If a man washes a dish, and no one sees it... Charlie, Leopold: - did it happen? Charlie: Right.

Charlie: [Charlie, obviously drunk, is entertaining his friends with stories from acting camp] He started squirting everybody with this turkey baster and screaming "Un-sex me! Un-sex me!" Dennis: Wasn't Willem Dafoe in that group? Charlie: Yeah, and he went on to talk about how a lot of secrets are hidden in people's basements... Leopold: Like the Louvre? [everybody pauses and looks at Leo] Leopold: I'm sorry, Charles, you were saying? Patrice: What about the Louvre? Monica: Yeah, tell us what you were going to say. Leopold: Well, not all of the artwork in the Louvre is on the walls. Some is in the basement. Patrice: You've been in the basement of the Louvre? Leopold: Why, yes! Patrice: I was a art history major at Vassar! Leopold: Ahhhh...