The Top 10 Lessons I Learned From Season 2 of “Girls”

Ugh, you guys:, how am I going to last until the next season of Girls comes out? Like even after last night's finale, I need more of its signature mix of hilarity and rawness, stat. Thankfully HBOGo exists for me...

Ugh, you guys:, how am I going to last until the next season of Girls comes out? Like even after last night's finale, I need more of its signature mix of hilarity and rawness, stat. Thankfully HBOGo exists for me to get my fix from past episodes while I wait for new promos that I can watch on repeat in order to dissect them for hints dropped about Season 3. While we wait with bated breath, check out what I learned from Hannah, Shosh and the sage team of Girls this season.

1. Hide Your Crazy: I want to follow each Girls character around and whisper this exact sentiment in each of their ears whenever I can tell things are about to go South. Hannah's epic monologue to Joshua, the sexy older guy she meets at Grumpy's, is the perfect example. He's definitely into her, but she wrecks the budding relationship by word-vomiting her feelings all over him (i.e. "I'm deeply lonely!"). The more she talked, the more it was stomach-sinkingly clear that their budding relationship was dunzo.

2. Never Hit Below the Belt: People say you don’t truly love someone unless you want to kill them sometimes. [Ed. Note: I can vouch for this. – RJ] By that logic, Jessa and Thomas-John love each other like crazy…or maybe they actually just want to kill each other. The demise of their lightning-speed relationship was horrific. Choice quotes: “I’m embarrassed when we walk down the street because you’re so f*****g average,” Jessa says, and “This is the worst mistake I’ve ever made. You’re my worst nightmare,” courtesy of Thomas-John. Ouch, you guys! There’s no coming back from that. Ever.

3. Know Your Type and Stick to It: I’m all for romantic exploration, but Natalia, Adam’s new girlfriend, is just not the kind of girl who’s into the degrading style of sex Adam likes. Neither one is at fault for it — different strokes for different folks (pun totally intended). But they really shouldn’t be having sex without acknowledging their differences for what they like in bed. The scene that shows this mismatch is awful, and left viewers feeling like Natalia was violated.

4. If He Swears He’s Amazing in Bed, He Isn’t:In Season 1, Booth Jonathan told Marnie “The first time I f**k you, I might scare you a little, because I’m a man, and I know how to do things.” After all, following her lackluster sex life with Charlie, it was time for Marnie to finally get with someone who knew what he was doing. Unfortunately, though, Booth Jonathan wasn’t it. Marnie, it’s general knowledge that the ones who brag about how good they are are compensating for something…and it’s usually the fact that they’re awful.

5. Don’t Be the Bitchy New GF or the Bitter Ex: Marnie and Audrey, Charlie’s new girlfriend, both crossed this line during Season 2. Marnie shows up at Charlie’s door to spend the night; then Audrey verbally attacks her at a dinner party. Let’s be clear: Marnie, Charlie isn’t yours anymore, so showing up to spend the night is way out of bounds. Audrey, every time you get a dig in at Marnie, you’re broadcasting your own insecurity.

6. If You’re High, You Can’t Keep Secrets: Hannah and her roommate Elijah’s drug escapade made for one of the most fun episodes of the season, but it also led to the end of their friendship. Elijah, in a cocaine haze, told Hannah that he had sex with Marnie. Hannah. Flipped. Out. And promptly kicked Elijah out, which is sad, because these two had crazy good (platonic, friendly) chemistry that worked so well on screen, at least. Tear.

7. Face Your Personal Fears: This is tough for everyone to do, otherwise we’d all have about 75 percent less flaws than we do now. It’s just so hard to watch Hannah’s denial about her OCD when it’s blindingly obvious to everyone around her that she’s falling apart. Rupturing your eardrum with a Q-Tip then trying to do the same to the other so they’ll be “even”? Time to ask for help, Hans.

8. Check Your Voicemail: Hannah is unraveling and Jessa, the only friend she wants to talk to, is nowhere to be found. Jessa’s obviously got her own issues and has always been the wandering type, but in real life, that type of pal gets exhausting to constantly track down. Be a hippie globetrotter all you want, but don’t forget about the people who love you at home.

9. You Really, Really Need to Maintain Your Own Life While in a Relationship: One of Season 2’s main plot lines has been Shoshanna’s increasing dismay about Ray’s general disinterest in making anything of himself. This culminates with her making out with a doorman (How very un-Shosh like of her, right?). Shosh wants someone who has a life of his own with dreams to go along with it, and deep down, Ray’s just not that guy.

10. Love (Maybe) Conquers All: Even after Marnie’s disastrous, cringe-inducing slow jam rendition of Kanye West’s “Stronger,” Charlie still wants to be with her. If that’s not true love, IDK what is. We also see this play out with Hannah and Adam. Even though their relationship is pretty effed up, my heart swelled right along with the music as Adam sprinted to Hannah’s apartment to take care of her in a way she wouldn’t let anyone else. Will they actually make it as a couple? It’s hard to tell, but I have to say I’m rooting for them.