I am very happy to announce that I have found the template of my dreams. *Strokes screen*. Ah, it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.

Isn’t it so lovely?

God bless the little genius that made it. May God give you wings too, so you can fly, ‘cause you’re awesome like that.

Hmm, so I really have nothing to talk about. Well, not nothing, but ideas are just fleeting, and it takes too much effort to piece them together.

*10 minutes later*.

Oh yes. I have found a rant: ‘Altruism’.

I want to find the guy that invented that word, and give him a sticker. Or beat him with a cane.

I can’t decide which at the moment, because he could either be the most sarcastic guy on the planet for always having the last laugh at such mockery of the human race, or he could be a serious dolt, with wannabe Gandhi genes. I really can’t decide which.

For the sake of flying unicorns in the planet next to ours, altruists do not exist. They simply can’t. It defies all that is distinctly characteristic of human nature. No one is selfless. No one. Unless you’re dead, in which case – you’re literally selfless.

Otherwise, there is no such a thing as a selfless human; it’s an oxymoron of the highest grade.

Humans are all selfish.

Alongside ‘human’, you’d expect the word ‘self-centeredness’ to appear – and it comes as no shock, to me at least.

Yes, we donate to the poor. But that’s driven by a need to obtain self-satisfaction, self- righteousness. It’s these accumulated drops of egoism that dilute the moronic concept of ‘altruism’. But they’re just drops you say – relative, it’s all altruism. It’s not. These drops define the nature of the act. That it is just as much for you – better yet, more for you, than it is for the poor man you donate to.

So you see, there is always a motive: it’s called self-benefit. Even if the self-benefit is something as ‘pure’ as ‘feeling good’. It’s still for you.

So I say we make a petition, and cross the word ‘altruism’ off from the dictionary, and cane the baboon that put it there. No sticker for him at all. Heh.

Frogman: Tsk, everybody's wanting stickers nowadays. If you find the Babbon, and cane him, I will give a you a 'Jesus loves you' sticker, 'cause you'd be pals with your altruistic natures and whatnot. We'll keep it all hush hush, I swear!

"Alongside ‘human’, you’d expect the word ‘self-centeredness’ to appear – and it comes as no shock, to me at least." So true!

I vote he's the most sarcastic person to ever walk the planet. I refuse to believe someone capable of creating words (which are the best things, ever) is silly enough to believe such a fanciful notion exists *raises eyebrow* altruism, pfft. So sticker it is! And one for me, too? Yes? :D