Tuesday, December 2, 2008

The sisterhood of the mate selection

The friend who answered my call for pre-in-law visiting house-cleaning, wine, and brie sisterhood? Boy did she! She scrubbed the floor by hand, I'm not even kidding. I love her.

She is single! So I cannot return the in-law cleaning favor. Therefore, as meager repayment for her to the sisterhood, I propose to inundate her with marriage partner choice advice. A sisterhood of the mate selection, if you will.

I was in this meeting yesterday with someone--you prolly know someone like this--who turns every silly thing into a teachable moment. She was all, just imagine you have the ENTIRE RESEARCH TEAM on your shoulders whispering in your ear and then you won't forget anything.

Well, I propose a sisterhood to sit on the shoulders of our unattached sisters as they fight off advances from eligible men. What would you whisper? I'll start.

Marry someone who has a really good sense of humour and who will make jokes about things that really aren't funny. And don't believe that crap about how if you marry him you get coffee in bed every morning yadda yadda his pleasure to serve blah blah blah. You'll make your own coffee. But the humour thing will help.

Do I have enough space here?I would repeat everything that's been said so far and would add:.don't marry someone you want to change or "fix".if you want children, marry someone who likes children and who you know will be a good father.marry the man who will support your endeavors, who offers encouragement, who finds joy in your successes, one who is not threatened by your growth,.marry the man who is the Person you love to be around and who is a friend as well as lover,.marry the man who lets you be alone when you need it and want it and one who shares your interests, but also who has some of his very own...Whew!

marry someone who thinks he is not a feminist because he just takes feminist values for granted, thinking they are simply common sense. that will be the man who takes your passions seriously and co-parents.

What a great list you'll have going, but I really have to agree with---makes you laugh-can clean and doesn't mind doing it.-realizes that when there's an issue between you and his mother that it's his job to be on your side.

Notice the time he spends hugging---not a clinch or a romantic moment; not anything passionate, though it could lead to.

Just a plain ordinary welcome home or good morning or I'm sorry hug.

Pay attention to WHO stops hugging first---you or him. A man who holds a hug when there's no reward in it other than your closeness---that man will hold on through thick and thin. He's in it for the long term.

I've been thinking more about this in the intervening days, and came to another conclusion:

Books and magazines and television shows and whole symposia have long purveyed great treatises on “How to Choose the Right Mate,” and the criteria run from age to wealth to taste in wine. What those books oughta tell you is how to project what kind of Grandparent that guy would be---that one thing would give a complete view of his character, his sense of humor, his kindness, his patience, his staying the course---all requirements for being a good mate.

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