A place for couples dealing with illness to find resources and advice, hear stories, and discover support. Whether the illness is chronic or acute, the result of disease or accident, couples can learn strategies for coping with the changes illness brings into our relationships and our worlds.
The information provided in this blog is for educational and support purposes only. It should not be used as a substitute for seeking professional care.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

The sad-sweetness of holidays

My friend lost his wife eight months ago to leukemia. One month ago his grand-daughter was born. Her middle name is his wife's first name. This was his first Thanksgiving without his life partner in over 35 years. No one mentioned her name or spoke about Thanksgivings past - perhaps for fear of upsetting him. He did not speak of her either - perhaps for fear of darkening the day.

I think the not speaking made the day more lonely for all of them. Since they could not talk about the sadness of her absence, they couldn't reach the sweetness her presence brought to the table in years passed.

I don't know about you, but I think it's far better to speak and hold the sorrow than to sit alone together in silence.

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About Me

In November, 1999 I was whacked with a mysterious chronic pain syndrome that took me out of my life. With the help of my husband, my dog, and a combination of western and alternative approaches, I have a new life that includes working, writing, mountain climbing, smiling, and managing pain. I learned a lot along the way, especially about illness and the couple relationship. I'm also a psychotherapist, a business consultant, and have written a book about couples and illness, which was published in March 2013 (Roundtree Press)

“Illness is the night-side of life, a more onerous citizenship. Everyone who is born holds dual citizenship, in the kingdom of the well and in the kingdom of the sick. Although we all prefer to use only the good passport, sooner or later each of us is obliged, at least for a spell, to identify ourselves as citizens of that other place.”Susan Sontag