Sunday, December 7, 2008

Santa Claus Arrested For DUI At Midstate Airport

(MIDDLETOWN) - Santa Claus was arrested for DUI Saturday night while practicing various maneuvers in the skies over south central Pennsylvania.

State Police said they received numerous complaints from residents about Claus flying "erratically" and dangerously close to several homes in the Middletown area.

Joanne Delancey, who lives in Highspire, reported hearing such a clatter that she sprang from her bed to see what was the matter. “What to my wondering eyes did appear, but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer. Back and forth in the sky they thrashed, I knew in a moment that Santa was trashed.”

Police took Claus into custody shortly after he landed on the airport's runway.

"He was very visibly intoxicated,” said Trooper Charles Mugglebeam. “His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry. In fact, his behavior was so erratic that I laughed when I saw him – in spite of myself."

Claus was charged with DUI, public drunkenness and possession of marijuana with intent to deliver. “He had a one-pound brick of pot in his suit and a four-foot water bong riding shotgun in his sleigh,” said Mugglebeam.

A spokesman for Claus said the elf-in-chief regularly practices takeoffs and landings at HIA because the facility is used by "few, if any, airplanes."

As for the arrest, the spokesman sounded a skeptical tone. "This is just another example of police targeting someone because he's black."