Last year director Garry Marshall hit upon a devilishly canny approach to the romantic comedy. A more polished refinement of Hal Needham’s experimental Cannonball Run method it called for assembling a gaggle of famous faces from across the demographic spectrum and pairing them with a shallow day-in-the-life narrative packed with gobs of gooey sentiment. A cynical strategy to be sure but one that paid handsome dividends: Valentine’s Day earned over $56 million in its opening weekend surpassing even the rosiest of forecasts. Buoyed by the success Marshall and his screenwriter Katherine Fugate hastily retreated to the bowels of Hades to apply their lucrative formula to another holiday historically steeped in romantic significance and New Year’s Eve was born.
Set in Manhattan on the last day of the year New Year’s Eve crams together a dozen or so canned scenarios into one bloated barely coherent mass of cliches. As before Marshall’s recruited an impressive ensemble of minions to do his unholy bidding including Oscar winners Hilary Swank Halle Berry and Robert De Niro the latter luxuriating in a role that didn’t require him to get out of bed. High School Musical’s Zac Efron is paired up with ‘80s icon Michelle Pfeiffer – giving teenage girls and their fathers something to bond over – while Glee’s Lea Michele meets cute with a pajama-clad Ashton Kutcher. There’s Katherine Heigl in a familiar jilted-fiance role Sarah Jessica Parker as a fretful single mom and Chris “Ludacris” Bridges as the most laid-back cop in New York. Sofia Vergara and Hector Elizondo mine for cheap laughs with thick accents – his fake and hers real – and Jessica Biel and Josh Duhamel deftly mix beauty with blandness. Fans of awful music will delight in the sounds of Jon Bon Jovi straining against type to play a relevant pop musician.
The task of interweaving the various storylines is too great for Marshall and New Year’s Eve bears the distinct scent and stain of an editing-room bloodbath with plot holes so gaping that not even the brightest of celebrity smiles can obscure them. But that’s not the point – it never was. You should know better than to expect logic from a film that portrays 24-year-old Efron and 46-year-old Parker as brother-and-sister without bothering to explain how such an apparent scientific miracle might have come to pass. Marshall wagers that by the time the ball drops and the film’s last melodramatic sequence has ended prior transgressions will be absolved and moviegoers will be content to bask in New Year's Eve's artificial glow. The gambit worked for Valentine's Day; this time he may not be so fortunate.

Top Story: P. Diddy Wants a Slam Dunk
Sean "P. Diddy" Combs is interested in buying the New York Knicks, Reuters reports. A devout fan of the NBA team, the hip-hop mogul announced his desire to own the team on Howard Stern's syndicated morning radio show Tuesday. "I think I could do a good job," Combs told Stern, admitting, however, that his attempts to make contact with the team's current ownership has, at this point, been less than successful. "I'm publicly puttin' it out there, because they're not taking my calls…I'm not saying let's get rid of the owners, I'm saying put me down. Put me in the game... Because it's not going down right now." Combs' comments stem from the team's poor performance over the last few years. "[The team]'s making rush decisions," he said. "I think we need a team that also reflects the spirit of the city. We need an aggressive, fast team that knows how to run." Plus, Combs added, "I wanna make sure we gonna win."
Warner Bros. Hits Billion Dollar Mark Overseas
Fueled by the successful The Matrix Reloaded, which has grossed $432 million worldwide, Warner Bros. has earned a whopping $1.012 billion in overseas box office so far this year. Reuters reports it marked the sixth time the studio has hit more than $1 billion in the offshore market and also the fastest time it has ever racked up that sum.
Jackass Star Arrested
Stephen Glover, aka Steve-O of the now defunct MTV series Jackass, was arrested Saturday for urinating in front of autograph seekers at the Lollapalooza rock festival in Pennsylvania, CNN.com reports. He was charged with disorderly conduct and faces a $300 fine. Glover was arrested in Sweden last May when he claimed to have swallowed a condom filled with marijuana. The charges were later dropped.
Ben &amp; Jen Fuel NBC's Ratings Win
NBC's Dateline interview with Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez helped propel the network into the top spot in the ratings race, The Associated Press reports. NBC came in with 7.9 million viewers, followed by CBS with 7.8 million and Fox with 6.7 million. ABC came in fourth with 5.2 million.
Brown Advertises Separation
In a rather peculiar move, singer James Brown placed a full-page advertisement in Variety, announcing his separation to his third wife, Tomi Rae. Reuters reports the ad featured a photo of Brown with Rae and their two-year-old son, posing happily with Goofy at a Disney theme park.
O'Donnell Has Third Child
Batman star Chris O'Donnell and his wife have had their third child, a boy, AP reports. Charles McHugh O'Donnell was born July 11 in Los Angeles, weighing 7 pounds, 7 ounces. He joins siblings Lily, 3, and Christopher Jr., 2.
Citizen Kane Oscar Pulled Off Auction
The Oscar awarded to Orson Welles for co-writing his classic film Citizen Kane was taken off the auction block Tuesday after the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences optioned their right to buy the statuette back for $1, Reuters reports. Welles' daughter Beatrice Welles had put the Oscar up for sale at Christie's in New York, but according to an agreement she signed with AMPAS which allowed them right of first refusal, the Oscar had to be withdrawn. John Pavlik, spokesman for AMPAS, said talks between lawyers for the Academy and for Welles were still ongoing about whether it would buy back the Oscar in this case, Reuters reports.
Role Call: Kidman Drops Manderlay, Tamahori Helms Deathlok, Cheech and Chong Take a Hit
Due to scheduling conflicts, Nicole Kidman has officially dropped out of Lars von Trier's film Manderlay, the second movie in his U.S.A. trilogy, which began with the controversial Dogville…Die Another Day director Lee Tamahori has taken the helm for the comic book actioner Deathlok. The Hollywood Reporter describes the story, about a suburban family man who is unwittingly made a test subject for technology research that slowly turns him into a living computer, as Robocop meets The Manchurian Candidate …Those pot smokin' buddies Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong are reuniting for another film after 20 years. According to The Reporter, the details of the film are still being ironed out. The comedy duo's last film was the 1984 Cheech &amp; Chong's The Corsican Brothers.