Thursday, 5 November 2009

This Is How...

This is how Ive felt of late, since the court case....... totally overwhelmed with things...... the injustice of justice aye... I cant explain as yet,

A little no one in a huge sea of life.... someone that dont count in the big plan.....

This past month has been a whirlwind of solicitors and hospital and physio and talks with me consultant (surgeon), and trying to keep our heads above water cos only working part time so finacially in the shit LOL ..... and ups and downs......

So much to get down on paper, yet Im a very private person.....

Anways, I typed a long long post like I am known to do, but Ive just deleted it... I find it hard to share somethings, things that hurt me deep inside.... so for now, I will leave it at that......

Hey Buff aint that just the shortest post Ive even done LOL..

Fanks for all your loverly comments of love and concern in my previous post.... every time I read them I almost brings me to me knees with overwhelming love....

I just wanted/needed to put this out there, I know Ive been a slagbag with me emails and comments and have not really even been blobbing around... just the odd little comment on facebook, thats been me lot of late.... and Im sorry....

I have so many stories in my head that I need to get down on paper for me lads to read one day.... and Ive missed you all..... but, Im back on track now.... Ive hit the floor and bounced back higher.....

Its Guy Fawkes/Bonfire Night tonight and Im just now off to our Scout Hut to help with the arrangements and things for our fireworks display, which attracts thousands of village people..... hence this short post now....

Maybe I'll explain more another time, but you just have to remember Im quite a private person....

I was just explaining to my daughter about 5th November and Bonfire Night (or Guy Fawkes Night) and how when I was a wee lad of 10 in Leeds, Yorkshire, we'd build a big bonfire and stay up late and let off fireworks and eat good stuff like sausages and neighbours would come round with more food and fireworks. Happy days (nights actually).

I've held a few Guy Fawkes nights over here in Paris and the kids made a guy that we burnt in the barbecue and we let off fireworks and gave sparklers to French friends who were bemused with the whole thing. The neighbourhood was always a bit surprised as rockets shot up into the air from my backyard and exploded in the sky. I kept dreading that the frog police would come and arrest me but they didn't.

Know that you too, are love, MT. Even though this is not a fun time, you are still spreading goodness and light to the world around you, and that God of mine is looking out for you. Good to hear from you, and you are in my thoughts and prayers. Hang it there!!!

Nice to hear (read) you again! I love some of the phrases and words you use, and I being American, have to take a moment to dicipher what you are saying! I love learning new languages! Stay sane and best of luck with whatever is ailing you!!

Well, Mel - it's good to see you back here - been checking in every day...don't stay away so long next time. You've been in my prayers - and we all care! And as for what you said at the beginning of your post today, "A little no one in a huge sea of life.... someone that dont count in the big plan..." Please remember that we ALL are that little no one...do you think those pigs are anymore important that that little chicken in the middle? Nope! None of us, or any of our problems, are any better or more important than the other. Always remember that. It takes all of us to make the world go 'round! Love you, Mel...glad you're back. Hang in there. Jeanne in Idaho xoxo

~(((Jen)))~ Im use to bouncing, I should of been a bloody rubber ball in life lmfao...xxxxxx

~(((Dumdad))))~ Ive missed so much on everyones blobs :( hopefully when this exhaustion subsides you will be sick to death of my Twaddling lol

Do you know, now matter where I lived in the world I would always celebrate Guy Fawkes, its my most favourite night of the year, even to me, better then crimbo.... it brings back so many good memories in a sea of shit.... past and present, and it makes me smile and makes me warm inside, I LOVE it.... we usually have a huge box of fireworks in our garden, dont know if thats possible this year, but we are going to The Fox and Hounds Pub up the road for their great BBQ and display in the field opposite the pub tonight, unless its tipping down...

LOL@your neighbours :)......xxxxxxxx

~((((Ake)))))~ well, I so want to, Ive just not had the umph, cos just sometimes when I read peoples comments, it makes me teary LOL.... jebus, Ive got soft in my old age.... or is it just cos Im knackered and run down LOL.. its been hell of a couple of years :(....xxxxxxxx

~(((SilverValleyGirl)))~ well, Ive known better times lol and Ive known much worst times and I know 'this to will pass'.... just as soon as I shift one set of problems off me shoulders someone seems to place more on the other side lol.... no wonder I walk like a strangled penguin lol....xxxxxxxx

~(((((ToriZ)))))))~ oh Im hanging be it by a thread lol.... just being totally knackered constantly just dont help, if I could get over that then all would be good in the world lmfao....xxxxxxx

~((((((((((((((((Jolie))))))))))))~ I'll share me secrets with you sister LOL.... well, you will soon be sick to death of me twaddling before the week is out :)

Im more concerned about you girl, wish there was something I could do to sort your situation out...know you are loved beyond measure, hope to catch up with everyones blob over this weekend.... of course a chest infection and a fever aint helping lmfao LOL....oh and google guy fawkes you lazy git lmfao....xxxxxxxxxx

~((((Charles)))))~ such is my life aye LOL dont know anything else if truth be told, it seems like my shoulders are a dumping ground for everyone elses shit to :)..... good job they are broad right LOL.... I do know cos Ive been told, that many would of folded and given up after what Ive had to put up with and go through in life.... but me, well, thats not an option.....I have friends that Im trying to help even with all my shit, that have had nervious breakdowns over a life that 'I crave for' LOL but everyone has different levels of strength.....and cos I aint really known anything but struggle and shit, its like water off a ducks back most of the time LOL...........

one day, someone will love ME and take the reins once in a while.... see, we can all dream LOL......xxxxxxxxx

~(((Gia)))))~ LMAO@decipher, are you serious, if when I read back anything Ive written it all sounds bloody normal and proper to me LOL - I do try and speak 'correct english' though when on the phone to doodle maties or they wouldnt be able to understand a dam word what with my Hampshire accent :)....Sane is me middle name ...xxxxxxxx

~((((Sparkless)))))~ just had much to suss and sort out and carry and deal with, you will be sick to death of me Twaddle in the coming weeks lol.....xxxxx

~(((((CeeCee))))~ my chins are up and so is me pecker LOL....xxxxxxxx

~(((((Lynn))))))~ sometimes I just need a little bit of time to get me head around things, to make the right decisions, this was one of those times :).... Im ok, really, I am......just knackered lol... Ive had a lot to go through this past year or so, with so many surgeries and things to deal with complications and stuff on top....xxxxxxx

~((((((Sorrow)))))))~ well it was not all bad, it was a mix, I should of just sorted things out MY WAY in the first place instead of trying to be good and go with the law LOL...... it was NOT that was done or not done that floored me a little, Im a fighter in life so thats normal to me, to have shit piled high and suss it out, but it was the cruel wicked vile words that were said to me and knowing that a human being wants to hurt my sons so bad cos its the only way to hurt me.... this is what Im finding hard to deal with.... so now, I WILL deal with it how I should of in the first place.... people seem to forget my upbringing, I wasnt always such a push over LOL.....xxxxxxxxxxx

~(((((((Sweet JeanneH)))))~ ok, I promise, Im sorta back on track now, just totally exhausted with everything thats all and when ya so tired it hard to think straight, and think straight I must do or I WILl end up in prison LOL....

Well Im the little chicken in the middle, Ive always been different from the crowd never ran with the crowd.... just once though after all Ive been through in life, it would be nice to have a hand to hold to go forward with.... shrugg LOL... I know it takes all to make a world and I know Im no better then anyone, thats not whats been overwhelming... know you are loved.......xxxxxxxx

~((((((((((Lisa))))))))))~ Jebus girl do I OWE you emails or what.... please forgive me.. yep, court case, tried to do things the 'right way' well, right way my arse, when has the right way ever been right lmfao..... so now we will do things MY WAY..... things are already in place... I will never believe in the legal system again.... its failed my sons, it dont matter about me, but a certain person has hurt my sons beyond measure, and THAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE by me, so I will suss and sort it....

to be told 'the only way to hurt YOU is to hurt THEM'.... it bought me to my knees........well in a figure of speak cos I couldnt kneel down if I wanted to LOL.... but, Im back on track now and know now where I stand, be it like a strangled penguin LOL.... so, its may way now.... NO ONE hurts my man/boys....so get baking the dam cakes with files in LOL.... xxxxxxxx

~((((Lulda)))))~ well Im still at physio twice a week, and having talks with my consultant, its very difficult still, but slowly getting there I think, not sure where THERE will end up though LOL....xxxxxxx

~(((((Robin)))))~ praise the lord LMFAO....xxxxxxx

~(((((Pamela)))))~ now you know those will be your famous last words LOL......xxxxxxx

~(((((Mickle)))))~ never fear the worst :).... I know I dont come across tough and strong on here and it sounds like over the past years its been mostly moans and whining, and I do have a few 'bad days' here when the tears just flow etc..... but, Im a tough old bird and most of what Im carrying and dealing with all on top of each other would of sent most to a rocking chair and dribbling in a nut house....

As regards the 'helping' well, what can I say, me, dogdy knees, dark, uneven ground, scary fireworks, slopes, steps, it was NOT a pretty picture LOL... but you see, these are my true 'people friends' ones that I let slip into the background... those that have the same love of the outdoors and things as me.... and I NEEDED to get back there, instead of around those that Ive hung with since me knees let me down.... I'll explain one day......

so yes, I did go and help, but I did drive me car around there and they saved me a special parking space, where others were NOT allowed to take cars lol.....and I DID push meself to far LOL I needed to.... I have to prove that I can get back to as near normal as possible, Ive so missed the life I had, and need it back with my like minded friends.....hugs back at you all.....xxxxx

~(((((Flowerpot)))))))~ Ive been saying that all me life LOL.... Im ok, Im strong in a tearful sorta way LOL....xxxxxxx

~(((((Deanna))))))))~ fanks matie.... know you are loved..... hoping to swing around the blobs today and tomorrow and catch up.... sorry for being a bad friend...xxxxxxxxxx

Aw, Sweetie, it's just so good to hear from you - know, too, that you are loved! So glad you're back with us - From all the comments, you know that we've missed you and that you are in our thoughts. Take care of yourself and your wonderful boys!Hugs from Daisy in Arizona

~((((Coral))))~ its to do with my Tosser X..... I cant talk bout it at the moment, sorry, maybe I shouldnt of mentioned it....

Im sitting here with tea and marmite toast lol..xxxxxx

~(((Lena))))~ nah time to get off me arse and get back on track, not that I even know where the track is anymore lol....xxxxxxxx

~(((AliceKay))))~ I seem to of been hanging for over a year, its been the worst year of my life LOL and believe me, Ive had some bad years :)....xxxxxxxxx

~((((Frum Helen Back)))))~ I barely escapted prison LOL but there is still time for that lmfao.... please dont worry about me, Im me, I'll eventually suss and sort this shit thing called 'life' out....xxxxxx

~(((((Daisy)))))~ I have so many stories in me head, I might sometimes disappear for short whiles, and its hard to explain on here all that my life entails....a life that I have to cope with on me own, but, Ive always had to, just got to dam soft this past couple of years...xxxxxxxxxxx

~(((((QueenieJeannie))))~ yeah, lets hang all the wankers and users and abusers and shitheads in the world :)...... lets start with my tosser X - he pushed me to far this time.... just dont give up on the cakes with files just yet LMFAO....xxxxxxxx

~((((((Buff)))))))~ yes yes he was, and guy fawkes night is my most favourite time of the year....I LOVE fireworks with such a passion, even though the loud ones still makes me jump out me skin LOL - getting squared up, and back on track, Ive missed ME it seems such a long time since Ive been ME lol......xxxxxxxx

~(((((IntenseGuy))))))~ We usually also have loads of fireworks in the garden but this year those had to be one of the things we had to for go..... first year I aint bought a firework :( but we did go to a couple of traditional displays where we go and help every year, except one on Saturday we got there an hour to late LOL but the huge bonfire and BBQ was still going.... even though I shouldnt of been out (hacking cough and bad chest) LOL but I soldiered on for the cause :) - Ive missed you to and everyone and it will take me a wee while to catch up with everyones blobs....

Glad things are picking up for you, its a worry aye, this fucking thing called life... or, as I think at the moment 'existance'... love ya .....xxxxxxxx

Well, you know me and fireworks! Glad to see you finally coming back to who ( or what!) you are! Keep trying, there has to be a nice new pony in all that horse sh*t you've been wading through.., don'tcha think? :)

It's good to see all of these great comments. As far as being a slagbag, great word by the way, I doubt you fall in to that category. I did see something on the blog from you today, you must be having a terrible storm over there. Take good care of yourself and it's always good to hear from you. The Stickman

Well, I check and I check and I check, and not a post from you. Then, I all but give up, and you post! I'm sorry I'm so late with this comment. And I'm sorry the legal system has failed you so miserably. Sorry yes. Surprised? No. Do it your way Mel. I wish I was there to help you. Damn that tosser X anyway......

No eyeballs in the Turkey gullet this year PLEASE!! I think that sight will horrify me forever. Maybe this year I will eat ham. I don't know if we will get home for Thanksgiving thus, I may be pouting the Holiday away instead of being thankful.

Over the past 15 years I have lost two people at Thanksgiving so I always get a tad apprehensive this time of year.

So far no major snow-storms and that is a good thing. There have been many Thanksgivings where we couldn't get out of our driveway. The holiday spent with a shovel in the hand. Thankful we were for the man with the snow plow and for snow-blowers. KNOCK WOOD it looks like this will be a dry year.

Yesterday I went to a local park in a short sleeve top and pants and basked in the sun and warmth...that's rare this time of year when the stores and shops already are decorated with Christmas trees, ornaments and such.

Love you my sweet and I wish for good things to come your way soon and make it a thankful fun-filled holiday for you and yours. What's up with your lads lately? Any new things happening for them? All is good, I hope.

Are you tending any nippers or are you still healing the knees? I know it's hard losing the money and I'm sure you miss the kids but I think a good rest is what you need to heal.

Have you bought any cute shoes lately? I bought a new bigger prettier purse in a lovely deep brown. Now I can put even more junk in the purse to add a touch of extra weight to my already aching sholder.

Waiting to hear from you, My sweet...I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving Holiday with no extra damned eyeballs at your dinner table. You are my favorite KOOK. LMAO

Hi there, Marmite, remember me?The Grand National when I almost ate you after I said I could eat a horse and then I saw a Marmite Toastie LOL.I am very sorry to hear, belatedly I am afraid, that life has dealt you some very unkind blows - life is a huge 'B' sometimes. I hope and pray things will improve for you soon.Now, some news, did you know Maggie May is my sister? We announced this in blogland about 6 weeks ago.

Also you may have heard David McMahon has handed over the Sunday Roast column to me. Maggie and I are wondering if you would agree to feature when you are a bit better and able to do it.

Please email me onthesundayroasting@googlemail.com

If you agree I will send all the details - no hurry - when you can ~ Hugs, Eddie

~(((Bina)))~ I think I just have to come to terms with the fact that 'this is me lot in life' I suppose if I get all the flack in life, at least someone else is getting a break LOL.....xxxxxx

~((((((((((((Intense)))))))))))~ emails soon dear you with explanations...... I LOVED the chickens LOL I want one and I want one NOW lmfao.....xxxxxxxxxx

~(((Buff)))~ does one every really find themselves? Ive waited all me life for my life to begin, and it seems like I'll still be waiting when Im waiting for it to end LOL....... I know I need a break, a proper break, Ive never had the cance to recoup...... sigh.....xxxxxx

~(((((((((((((((((Saintly))))))))))~ Im honoured to see you here.... hope your well......xxxxxxxxx

~(((((LadyStyx)))))~ hugs ya back....xxxxx

~(((((JBelle))))~ well not the view in my boots it aint lol.....xxxxx

~((((((slagbag))))))~ what? you dont have the word 'slagbag' over there :) I'll let you borrow it if you like...xxxxxxx

~(((((Basicliving)))))~ well life has taken over my computer time as such.... just trying to get through each week without going under lol.... but the bubbles are rising fast LOL...xxxxxxx

~(((((HelenBack)))))~ we could pile all our shit in one be heap and dance around it LOL....xxxxxxx

~((((((Mistress))))~ here I am, all donations are welcome LOL just joking.....xxxxx

~((((IntenseGuy)))))~ fanks I can do with all the hugs I can get :) - just the hacking cough left.....xxxxx

~((((((jolie)))))))))~ life aye dear you.....Im hoping all good things for you, your situation makes mine look like heaven..... wish I could pack us all up and buy a big house and all live together lol....dam, thats a comune LOL.... know you are loved so much... ps... us Brits DONT do fanksgiving :) - but happy fanksgiving to you....xxxxxxxxx

~(((((Cedar)))))~ miss you to, and everyone and everything and cheese LOL....xxxxxx

~((((((((((Peanut))))))))~ yep the sooner we come to terms with 'life is suppose to be shit for some people' the better it will be...... aint that picture just the best :)...xxxxxxxx

~(((((((Eddie))))))))~ cripes I had no idea that you and dear Maggie were family :).... I should of guess, seeing as your both beautiful people... dam, that makes everyone that comes here family :).... gulp at me on Sunday Roast lol I aint to good with words and stuff though, I only do Twaddle lmfao.....but I would have a go if ya want :)...xxxxxxxx

~((((((Maggie))))))~ hugs back at ya, we should get together and just drown our troubles in a bottle of gin :) oh and a splash of orange of course lol....

I aint had time to write as such, Im trying to do all sorts of little paid jobs between me childminding before and after schoolers just to stay afloat, I lost me daytime babies due to me operation so life has been difficult to say the least, but Im holding on to the house by a tiny thread.... Ive been christmas wrapping pressies for a company that supplies childrens toys to top notch grottos and corporate companys crimbo parties etc.... it means I can do it at home BUT god it takes up every minute of me time, and pays buttons lmfao.... but buttons make things work....:)- Ive wrapped over a 2000 books and toys over the past couple of days and have to drop off the 750 I have in me car boxed and wrapped and pick up another 800 this morning, trying to fit it all in around physio.... I will be up til probably 2 in the morning wrapping this next lot LMFAO.....and all I want/need to do is rest LOL no peace for the wick, but that bloody wolf needs keeping from the door :).....xxxxxxxx

I want you to know that I do understand what it is like to be up against it. Could you provide me with a post box address or something safe so I can send you a little bit of help? Been there, lost the house years ago. Bought another one three years ago. Still remember the pain of it all. Hugs, M

More of what you do, and what happens to you is in your hands... You have to stop giving so much, and take your well earned fair share too! I'm not very good at it either, but it doesn't mean I'm wrong....

~(((((Mistress))))~ Im utterly overwhelmed and speachless by you....gobsmacked that someone I dont really know has laid such an offer on the table........

Fank you for re-installing faith in humans LOL.....I couldnt possibly do that though, but the throught of your offer has made me all warm and glowing inside.....

My solicitor sent me a cheque for a bit of the re-couped court costs that my tosser X had to pay, it was enough to cover the $5000 solicitor fees and court costs that I had already paid out..... and Ive managed to pick up a couple more before and after schoolers...... AND Im even more canny with money then I thought was possible lol.........

Ive raised/raising me lads completely financially and emotionally on me own, no father, no family to help or advise, and Ive always stood proud of coping..... and then me knees were a spanner in the works......but, Ive a surviver, so all is well......Cedric is looking mighty tasty for crimbo dinner LOL

But jebus do I need a break LMFAO.... I even thought of just taking me tent up the woods so that I could sleep undistrubed for a couple of days to get a second wind LOL

So, my dear you, your comment and offer made tears roll down me face, and I will always be indebted to you for your throughtfullness......oxoxoxoxoxoxxoxo

~((((((((Buff)))))))))~ of this I know.... but there is much that is not.... I tried to stop giving so much and some so called 'friends' walked away....... and I KNOW that means Im better off without such shallow people in my life, of this I to know.....xxxxxxxxx

Never stop dreaming

Always have jugs of flowers

Im All Heart

Ben and Tom

Sam and Jacob

Janet Mabel Cedric and Marble

Me Hand - We All Need A Hand To Hold Sometimes

About Me..

Single Mum of 4 wonderful sons, live on the South Coast of England, I work me socks off, love to laff, love music and books, kids, animals, love my log fire and would NEVER buy a house without a chimney,I would like to think Im creative, I have a very sick sense of humour, I live in an organised MESS, I love with my soul, Im loyal and I make the most amazing friend, love holding hands and hugs, want to make love in the snow on a blanket naked with someone special ;), scared of snakes but not much else....oh did I mention I LOVE marmite with a passion..