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Thursday, March 31, 2011

Thursday, March 31, 2011

"Hello and welcome to Ghost Investigator Dudes. I'm Brad Johnson, a frat boy jock who isn't afraid of ANYTHING and enjoys taunting the afterlife by yelling challenges into empty cellars.

"With me are Joey..."

"Yo!"

"...and Mike."

"Yo!"

"Today we're here at the old Chattanooga asylum, where, like, a bunch of people died 'n stuff and we're totally gonna lock ourselves in all night and see what happens and film everything with shaky pocket infrared cameras and bad sound equipment.

"Awright, let's get started! So we're going down to the dungeons to...

"WHOA!!! Something touched me! Dude! Did you get that on camera?!?"

"No."

"Aw, dude."

(Geeetoooouuuut!!)

"Righteous. So, like, now we're going down into the kitchens where they kille..."

"WHOA!!! Did you see that?"

"No."

"There! In the corner! Were you filming?"

"Sorry, man, no - but I did feel a little cold just then."

"Duuude."

(No seeeeeriously. Geeeetoooouuuut!!!)

"Shyah. That was, like, almost totally spiritual. So, check it! The caretaker here says there's this dog? That's like a ghost? That haunts the library and kills people? So we should totally go there."

"Whoa!"

*beep* *beep* *beeeeeeeeeeeep*

"Did you *beeeep*'n see that?!?"

[camera swinging wildly, sound of scuffling feet]

*beeeeep*

"Dude, tell me you got that on tape!!"

"Sorry, bra. It was pointed at the floor."

"Whoa."

(I kill you!!)

"Ok, so, like, there's a wedding chapel in this asylum that's, like, totally haunted, right? And a bunch of people died there last week so, like, let's turn off all our lights and point our cameras at the floor."

[girlish shriek]

"DUDE! I saw something move!"

"Something walked by me!!"

"Someone's massaging my shoulders!!!"

(Well, hello there.)

*beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*

Thanks to Emily L., Jessica L., Leslie H., Urvashi, & Tama, but we still don't know what happened to André.

So that first cake shows the mindset of many cake wreckerators--if you need to hide your lack of artistic skills, use more icing...slather it on thick, use large piping tips, and when in doubt, add more!

Not the biggest fan of today's post, but my 2 year old saw the first photo and said "it's a cake!". Apparently that one didn't get messed up enough since a 2 year old can still tell it's supposed to be edible.

Don't get me wrong...I'm a daily reader and love the majority of the posts :) Keep on cakin'...

I laughed the whole time until I reached the last cake, which I know will haunt me for a long time. Uh-oh. Haunt me?Someone pass me my "frat boy jock who isn't afraid of ANYTHING and enjoys taunting the afterlife by yelling challenges into empty cellars" and "pocket infrared cameras and bad sound equipment."I love you, Jen. Sincerely.

#1: Tammy Faye has been reincarnated as a hideous cake! Poor woman can't seem to catch a break in any life. (I met her in an airport once. I actually thought she was kind of nice.)

#2: Not sure if that's a cow or a dog, but the first thing I thought I saw was boobs. And, no, I'm not a fourteen-year-old boy.

#3: Oh, sure, we all enjoy seeing them play poker, but we don't like the ugly image of nasty hangovers after a night of tying one on, waking up under a table with someone whose name you don't remember, the eyes filled with regret.

#4: Poor Jagruti and Vishal. They used that bad copy of the Hindi-English dictionary and this is what they ended up with. What they wanted was a hovercraft full of eels.

#5: Well, at least Brad kept his pants on this year. On the cake, anyway.

Despite the horror of the last cake ('Here, have the slice with his crotch on it' - 'No, I'd rather not' 'Would you prefer his wandering hand?' - 'No, really...' - 'Aw go on' 'No...' 'You will, you will..') the dog and table cake raises so many questions. Is that a real table? Why is it squashing the little doggie? Why is the other doggie humping the table? If that's a real table, is anyone going to eat the bit of cake that's on top of it? Is that cake under the table? Is anyone going to eat the bits that have table legs on it? Who gets to keep the table? I think I'd have been thrown out of that party fairly early on...

Loved this posting. Since I am a paranormal investigator, and hate that show that you hint at. It had me in stitches the entire time! For the record I do feel silly talking to empty rooms.

As for the Santino cake maybe it was an inside joke for the lovely couple, maybe she in reality hates Santino, and her man pokes fun at her. It's like that with Justin G. of Amerinan Idol fame, I can't stand him, but hubby always makes fun of me and says stuff, like come on you know you want him.

wv: bones. Not kidding. My wv is bones. OMG CAKEWRECKS HAUNTED MY COMPUTER AIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! If I say CakeWrecks into a mirror three times does Jen show up in my kitchen to take photos of my cake disasters?! Oh wait, no, I'm in Texas and therefore protected by the Anti-CW-Field-of-Doom...*sighofrelief*

Name of institution in Chattanooga is "Moccasin Bend".We use to joke that my mother was born in the area, (before the building of the facility) and that she would end up there. It's my understanding that the place is now closed.Beckie in TN

But where the HELL is the chiffon? Thanks for todays laugh--I have been watching PR season two ALL DAY while in my sewing room and when I take a break to check on todays offerings, there again is Santino! Has to be my coincedence of the year!

Chattaooga's Moccasin Bend is still open for business. I'm looking at it right now from my work window. Occasionally they'll have an excapee and find them on the north shore near the liquor store or the Chattanooga Cupcake store. Yum... cupcakes. (They are all individual and not shoved into cake-form.)

"Credibility is important, so joining us now are three people who swear to gawd that they heard that weird stuff happens here!"

[Note: The foregoing is an example of 'additional comment that reinforces the point being made by another' and is in no way intended as an attempt to rewrite Jen's commentary. Some readers already knew that.]

Is Mike Brad's brother?

#1 A mac & cheese...cake? It has possibilities...

#2 A cow and a steak? I get it -- the talking cow from Milliways!

#3 That certainly looks like a real table... I see sufficient space under it to accommodate the black dog, but that wouldn't explain the eyes -- unless s/he is wondering (as I am) what the confections in the foreground are supposed to represent.

#4 Maybe it's the narration or the lighting; maybe the dripping red, maybe all of those things together that makes me wonder what happened just before the picture was taken.

#5 Of all the things for a wreckerator to get right. Cartoon character? Can't handle it. Team logo? Nope. This guy? No problem. Why...?

That decomposing dog down in the kitchens scared the *beeeeeep* out of me, and I got chills from the wedding cake with blood dripping all over it. I was gingerly scrolling down to the last cake and then ... *Bwahahaha* ... SANTINO! I'm still laughing!

I want that Santino cake! He is amazing and fun to watch on all of his shows (Project Runway, On the Road with Austin & Santino, RuPaul's Drag Race, and RuPaul's Drag U). Imagine that, you put up a cake wreck that made me smile for all the right reasons. Winning!

wv: metshabi

I never metshabi chic until I saw what Santino was wearing on the cake. No darling... on the cake. Itself.

J Nixon,You almost dropped ONE of your kids? I have to ask because I can't decide which visual image to go with - are you holding several babies while you read Cake Wrecks or are you expecting multiples? :-0

You completely captured the depth, sincerity and english language skills of the Ghost Hunters crew....the one with the guy and his faux-hawk, not the one with the bald guy. The bald guy and his partner have better language skills...almost.

I also live in Chattown & can confirm the following:A) Moccasin Bend still houses the insane [and their fences are not high enough as the loopy wards get out frequently to wander the grounds of the nearby golf course scaring the bejeezus out of the elderly, plaid-clad patrons]; and B) there is an "Old" asylum downtown. For you locals, it's the pink building across from the Memorial Auditorium. It was morphed into apartments, but the contractor did a poor job as everyone's front door has a slot through which stale bread can be shoved by wardens.

On a side note, your site makes me shoot milk out of my nose. That was intended to be a compliment. Love from the Other Jen (from Chattanooga)

Ok, I finally got it. The dog is supposed to be under the table, not squished by the table. But, I totally still don't get the "Love Brad" Do we really need that greasy hair on a cake? And what is the big orange thing?

That last cake will give me nightmares for years. Lol I love Ghost Adventures and that is exactly how most episodes seem to go lately. That first cake looks like someone smashed the Joker's face in.. lol.

Ah, Ghost Adventures. I laugh every time that show is on. Ghost Hunters used to be the good one to watch but...eh. Maybe someone should go check out in Marie Antoinette still haunts Versailles? I'm sure she likes cake! (It's all about bringing it back to the topic, baby!)

Now to go find the old asylum...after I find my frat-boy jocks...or at least convince my redneck boys that they're going to pretend to not be afraid of anything. Might be easier to find some frat-boy jocks.

and real quick, why do people who don't "get" a particular post/humor/etc.. feel the need to tell you "i don't like this post, i don't like that one word you used" despite your use of said word in context and if they were 'in the know' then they wouldn't be mildly offended. Sheesh. Keep up the absolutely fantastic work, we love it!

I don't watch Project Runway, so when I got to the last cake, I thought, "Oh, I *hope* that's not Brad." I think looking at the cake would be enough to give me indigestion--I'm glad that I don't have to eat it.

I don't watch the ghost hunting shows, either, but I've seen enough commercials to laugh at the commentary (and smile at the Achmed reference.) As for that pig/cow/thing, all I can do is look at it and wonder, "WHY?"

Apparently any baker can put cake on the table; to put the table on the cake takes a REAL "artiste." ???

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