I feel stupid for responding but I wont do it anymore. I just had a momentary lapse of weakness.

Posts: 400 | Registered: Aug 2011

circe♀ MemberMember # 6687

Posted: 3:40 PM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013

Now you've got it off your chest, so take a deep breath and post here if you want to respond to him. Come up with funny or mean or just plain true stuff you want to text him and write it all here instead.

Posts: 3222 | Registered: Mar 2005

windowsnotwalls♀ MemberMember # 36983

Posted: 3:41 PM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013

It's more than just stop responding, stop reading his texts/emails, stop answering his calls, stop listening.

I get it, I've been there. You've probably been in a similar situation before, were at your total wits end, ready to tell him fuck off, and he'd answer back with some "head-bowed" response of how you were always the better one, he sees how wrong he was, he was no good for you anyway, he's so sorry, blah blah... and in THAT moment, you felt better, you felt it was all for something, that it wasn't a waste, and you were so glad you held on to that moment.

.......and you're waiting for it again.....

....yet ask yourself......if he meant it EVER before, then why are you here now?

He's not telling you anything positive. He's trying to manipulate you in his last text to HIS have consequences for his fucked up actions against you before.

MrWNW doesn't ask me if I'll always be checking his emails, always be checking his texts, never trust him again. He pretty much guarantees I always will, and ... HE'S OK WITH THAT! It doesn't bother him because there's nothing to find.

I had a bf who had this healthy lifestyle plan. He worked out everyday, ate hardly anything and would glare at me over the table at restaurants. He "encouraged" and "pushed" me too and eventually I found myself in my dark bedroom, eating a clandestine box of chicken wings. NO THANKS.

This is all very very simple. It's a compatibility issue but don't make it about you. Don't be all he doesn't love me becuase I can't be XYZ. Make it about him! I do NOT want to spend all my free time running and working out. I love enchiladas and I think it's ok to eat some once a week.

It's like ... what if he loved to travel and you hated to fly? What if every weekend he wanted to go to a car show and you just HATED it and would rather spend time with your famil or read a book. You're just simply not compatible.

Do you want to try to change yourself for him? Well that's up to you but I didn't.

Based on his history alone I wouldn't even CONSIDER changing myself for him.

I would just email or call or whatever you want to do back and say look, I love you but we're not compatible and I'm not interested in living that lifestyle. You only get ONE chance, don't make a mistake and put yourself into a situation where every day is misery and you're sneaking Sprite and lying about it. TRUST ME I realized that when I was sitting in that bed with my secret chicken wings.

[This message edited by amitheow at 3:47 PM, April 2nd (Tuesday)]

Old Timer, Just here to help
My screen name is: Am I The Ow? - Not Ami the OW.

Because in my situation I didn't know if I was the OW at first or if I was being cheated on. Found I was being cheated on.

Posts: 5085 | Registered: Jun 2004 | From: Texas

suspicious247♀ MemberMember # 33014

Posted: 3:46 PM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013

Man you guys were so right. He has already responded with this nonsense

1. I said you here because it is "you" that doesn't trust me. I trust you
2. I said you here, but it could go to "we resent each other"
3. I said we
4. i said there is no....no you or we there
5. i said we indirectly
6. i said we
7. there is a limited "mutual" means we
8. no you or we
9. no you or we
10. i said we

besides #1 , #2 (which I conceded could go either way) please explain how and where I am blaming this on you

this relationship is no sided. Not one sided. NO sided....

please someone just shoot me now

Posts: 400 | Registered: Aug 2011

suspicious247♀ MemberMember # 33014

Posted: 3:53 PM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013

And the latest text below

Oh I understand, you don't want to marry me and you sure aren't desperate to. I never said you were. Don't worry I won't contact you again

You are not dealing with rational people or situations. Normal thought processes won't work...story of my life.

Me- BW, 30
Him- fWh, 36
Mostly R'd, minus a few scars...bought a house and got a puppy...And baby makes 3! She arrived August 2013

Posts: 2068 | Registered: Sep 2011

Holly-Isis♀ MemberMember # 13447

Posted: 4:15 PM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013

If the relationship is no sided, why is he arguing? Why not take the ending gracefully?

Because he can't handle the rejection. He's supposed to reject you because you're not good enough. He can do no wrong, therefore cannot be rejected.

When you are tempted to reply, to break NC, read the abuse pattern again. He'll come on stronger, then when he gets no response, he will begin the sweet talk. It's likely he'll cycle back and forth between the ass and the charmer and you need to be prepared for it. Block him in every way you can. I know you're curious. You probably even want to see him show grief over losing you. But when it happens, it will be a means to an end for him, not real grief/remorse. That doesn't happen until he owns his issues. If ever.

"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

I'm just a little concerned right now that he won't take your "no" for an answer.

Stop responding, but keep your eyes open and your doors locked. He might not go away quietly once he realizes you mean business, and no means no.

Forgiveness is giving up the possibility of a better past.

Nobody forgets what happens, the secret is learning to live with it.

Posts: 2839 | Registered: Feb 2006

AppleBlossom♀ MemberMember # 38541

Posted: 4:54 PM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013

Have you read the Dance of Anger? It's about people playing roles in relationships, and when one party stops following the rules - ie you - the other one goes nuts.

Keep to your word to not contact him and one of two things will happen:

1- he will go out immediately and claim a new victim, attempting to show you how awesome e is and how wrong you were toned it

2- he will crank up the abusevand anger

Either one shows you he doesn't care enough to fight for you.

Sweetheart, my dad was an arse and I put up with arses all my life because of it.

Break free.

Posts: 154 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Australia

suspicious247♀ MemberMember # 33014

Posted: 5:23 PM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013

Uncertain - I don't know what I'm doing. I'm so lost. I thought posting here would help. And the advice I've gotten here is amazing. I've read the posts at least 50 times. I'm not trying to get anything out of this other than peace of mind. I feel like my life as I know it is ending and I don't know what to do. So forgive me for the madness

Posts: 400 | Registered: Aug 2011

suspicious247♀ MemberMember # 33014

Posted: 5:26 PM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013

Circe it's text and it pops up at the top of my screen. I considered changing numbers but that requires some planning since it is my only work number. Plus I'm a masochis. And my mood changes every 3 minutes