There should be some kind of law against that kind of lie. He turned himself in. He is currently neither fugitive nor captured. "In Custody" is a much better description.

Because police departments are known for their honesty regarding themselves and their arrests

Which is why there should be a federal law mandating I, doglover j gilipollas, get to final approval on the language police can and can't use with relation to their job. Violations of the law would be a federal infraction against the department as a whole leading to potential fines, arrests, or possibly even relocation to Ohio.

Ah, so you see them out there on the sidewalk, marching back and forth all day, holding their "NO PSYCHOTICS" placards? Well, they're not working if they're volunteers, but maybe some of them are being paid to do it, so they might indeed be working.

It could be worse. Last time I googled myself, I found out two things: my last name is apparently French for some kind of weird fetish involving diapers and spaghetti noodles, and also that I apparently spend some time drunk in Paris a while ago.