Tuesday, 27 October 2015

The world of lipidology is a surreal one,
where many intelligent people run around with a serious tone in their voice and
a set of guidelines – busily allotting humans into categories of:

·pretty
good, but you can do better,

·not
good, but don’t worry, we’ll fix you; and

·how are
you still alive?

Then, with the utmost surety, the smart people who know better than you, prescribe various
forms of diet and drugs. There is no room for uncertainty in this world – blood fat
is where it’s at.

The internet is littered with forums
and blogs where people compare numbers and rejoice when LDL is low or feel like
a failure when it is not. Jealousy over someone else’s numbers is both
common and bizarre. Even people who claim not to ascribe to the lipid
hypothesis get rather animated when a particular number is not where it is
supposed to be.

“I thought the lipid hypothesis was
bullshit, but then my LDL number got a bit too high for my liking…so I started
believing and became a born again vegan”.

Or something to that effect.

That makes about as much sense to me
as the previously staunch atheists who, after being jailed for life or
sentenced to death, suddenly find God. I'm all for hedging bets, but ignoring your instincts and then crucifying your self-respect to do it, seems a little silly.

As it happens, my last visit to a GP
ended in him giving me a prescription for atorvastatin and a suggestion that I
should stop using the internet for information. Honestly, that is exactly what
he said. I discarded both items of advice because (a) I’m in denial…der, and
(b) I reckon I could have taken him if it came down to a wrestling match where
he tried to stuff pills down my throat and poke my eyes out.

Which brings me to Evacetrapib,
the Cholesterol Ester Transfer Protein Inhibitor that had lipidologists holding their
breath, expecting the ridiculously named wonder drug to lead us all to squeaky-clean-artery-nirvana.

You see, CETP Inhibitors have a miraculous ability to lower LDL-C and increase HDL-C, which also happens to be the equivalent of a lipidologist’s wet dream. The fact that CETP Inhibitors have
not exactly set the world on fire, despite their magical ability to produce ‘wonderful
lipids’, didn’t stop the crew at Eli Lilly from giving it a good crack.

Pfizer
tried their hardest with Torcetrapib,
but, despite it working well, it had the unfortunate side effect of death in
some people. Hoffman-La Roche came up to bat with Dalcetrapib, with very
disappointing, albeit vague, results. Eli Lilly have now stopped phase 3 trials
of Evacetrapib because
“there was a low probability the study would achieve its primary endpoint
based on results to date.”

What
exactly that means, hopefully we’ll eventually find out, but in the interim all
it means is the share price of Lilly takes a good whack. For a group of Japanese trial participants,
it certainly resulted in massive increases to HDL and significant reduction in
LDL – that these didn't result in “primary endpoints” is a little confusing. What
does a pharma company have to do to get some bloody results, for Odin’s sake?
Lipidology black magic is not enough?

Not to
worry, though, because Merck is hoping to be the Steven
Bradbury of lipidology, with “encouraging” progress on Anacetrapib. That the drug
remains in your system 4 years after you stop taking it, shouldn't give you
reason to be a Captain Killjoy.

Yes, that's what it says - 46.4% sugar per 100g of 'healthy' milo. How is that possible, you may ask. Well, when you dilute 20g of milo in white water (aka skim milk), the sugar percentage magically reduces to 21%. Which is still a shitload of sugar, but given the 5% saturated fat and 20% protein, the combination is seemingly enough to push the bullshit meter up to 4 and a half stars. Funnily enough, the label says that if you're so ignorant of what is healthy that you use reduced fat milk, you only benefit from a 3 star drink. But of course no one is that stupid.

Nestle and Uncle Toby clearly enjoy playing silly buggers and to be quite honest, I admire their dry sense of humour. Heading over to the Nestle site, there are non-stop giggles with a very informative fact sheet on sugar. I think we can all learn something from Nestle - that healthy eating (as endorsed by the nutritional authorities) is quite easy. Simply eat whatever sugary crap you like by sticking it in a blender with 200ml of skim milk and what you get is 4 and a half stars of nutritional alchemy. Brilliant.

Tuesday, 13 October 2015

There are few things I find more relaxing and mind-emptying than taking a seat in the chook yard and watching them do their thing. If you work or live in a stressful environment, I highly recommend them.Cats or dogs may be cute and make decent companions, but they don't provide you with breakfast.

Monday, 12 October 2015

Just getting rid of some adverts I wrote for my work noticeboard. After selling some shoes the other day, it seems the moderator has chosen to remind me that:

"Please note for future reference that your post did not meet
the Noticeboard standards. Standards require notices to be specific and
descriptive (to the item for sale)."

I s'pose they have a point. I'd obviously not make it as a marketing exec because all my ads are 20 times too detailed and require way too much focus from the consumer. Consumer's want brevity, humour, a hint of sex and to be convinced they 'need' what you are selling. All in the space of 15-30 seconds or they'll go back to sending photos of their genitals on snapchat.I don't really know what snapchat is but I'm told, by a reliable source, that is what young people use it for. Anyway, here is the ad from last year when I had to sell my car. I hated that car, but of course you can't tell prospective buyers that.

For Sale.

Update

Look, I know
times are tough – our city is apparently booming if you happen to be driving a
truck for Inpex, but for everyone else I can imagine it not being that easy to
stump up cash to buy my astoundingly handsome car. But considering our insane
house prices, surely you have at least $800k of equity in your home that is
sitting around waiting to be used.

Clearly your 'child', who is 35 and still living at home, would be seen and
heard a lot less if you supplied them with reliable transport.

Surely your spouse will never again be able to refer to you as "lacking
excitement and spontaneity" if you surprise them with a shiny green toy.

Hopefully this is a wake-up call to you all because, after a whole week of
advertising on this noticeboard, all I have are people emailing/taunting me with
comments such as "ha ha, I don't want your car, but just wanted to
say..."

Honestly, I have no words because that is just so cruel.

Take another long look and let the awesomeness wash over you.

Original Advert

Yes, it may look like the many other Toyota Camries on the road, but this one
is special - his name is Randall. Don’t call him Randy. He hates that.

Pictures are
attached. I draped myself over the bonnet and pouted my lips seductively but my
wife couldn’t stop laughing so the pics I wanted to post were all blurry and unusable.
Pity, as I don’t really have another use for the mankini.

If you want to meet Randall and bear witness to his brilliantness, please email
me. I will even let you kick his tyres and honk his horn.

You can haggle if you want, but honestly, do you really want to cheapen our
relationship this early in the peace? Do you really want to hurt me? Do you
really want to make me cry? Do you really want to hurt meeeeeee?

That’s a rhetorical question.

It’s also a reference to a hit song from the 80s, just in case any Gen Y
readers are confused. I hear that’s a Gen Y thing…being confused. To clear up
some more confusion, no, the dinosaurs did not still roam the earth in the 80s
and we managed to live quite happily without i-things and social media. Believe
it or not, but friendships in those days involved speaking to each other in
person and talking in acronyms usually resulted in someone getting their nose
broken.

Great days.

Anyway, reminiscing aside, Randall is located in the city during business hours
and in the suburbs after that. I’ve heard that sometimes potential buyers
expect sellers to drive to their houses for an inspection. I am neither insane
nor gullible so the chances of me doing that are almost zero. Unless of course
you have just tapped a keg and have bbq ribs on the go.

You are welcome to get your brother’s ex-wife’s uncle, who was once a mechanic
but now a naturopath, to inspect Randall. But if they say he has terminal
gluten intolerance, then I reserve the right to laugh at you and slash the
selling price by $2.50.

Randall’s additional features:

Tow bar – for towing Mr Sprinkles to polo matches on weekends

alloy wheels - for…umm…not looking like plastic

air-conditioner - do I really need to waste text by saying that it’s cold?
Well, it is, and I just have. Are you happy now?

Sheep’s skin front & rear seat covers - from a really, really happy ewe
that was a bit hot and needed a haircut. That her skin came off too, is not my
fault

Big boot - can easily transport a large, human-size object. Not that I did
that. At least you can’t prove that I did. The garbage bags were very thick

headlights

indicators

seat belts

lots of other little lights

accelerator and brake pedals

massive mojo

The Power of
Greyskull

None of our kids have ever thrown up in the back. Or the front. Or the boot. We
don’t smoke (cigarettes) or own a dog, so make of that what you will. We do own
some chooks but they’ve never borrowed it without my permission. I’ve also
never knowingly transported a militant vegan in this car, so that probably adds
value too.

About Me

I like and dislike lots of stuff. Why someone else would care what that stuff is, I have no idea. That's probably the reason I don't do social media. Or maybe I'm just very uninteresting and in denial.