Road Trip Camping With Toddler? Uhhh…

Road Trip Camping With Toddler? Uhhh…

By Shanti Hodges - Hike It Baby | April 19, 2016

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Last night I felt like a terrible mom. At 10 p.m. Mason was still awake and he was crying. It’s not the awake and time that was a problem or the fact that he was crying because that happens every 30 minutes when you have a toddler. It was the words that were coming out of his mouth that were so troubling for me. “I want go home,” he was saying between gasps of breath and sobs.

You see, we have been on the road for the last week and are living in the camper on our 2003 Chevy Silverado. It’s just Mason and me, and we’re driving east with the end goal being to pick up Daddy in the Grand Canyon after his almost four-week rafting trip with friends. Somehow I got it in my head that it would be fun for Mason and me to visit branches of Hike it Baby, the nonprofit I launched to get more families outdoors, across the western United States along the way. So I started planning and the journey got bigger and bigger.

Here’s what I didn’t take into account: I am traveling alone with a toddler. And while a trip like this in my past kid-free life would have been a breeze, life now is different.

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Photo by Tais Kulish

It’s funny that I would take on such a big undertaking when a large part of what Hike it Baby is all about is creating a safe, supported, easy way for people to get out together with their children that is stress-free. This trip is definitely not stress-free. As I lie here at 6 a.m. listening to cars pass by, Mason lying next to me with his cute baby boy snores coming out of his little mouth, I wonder if what I’m doing is fair to him. Would he rather be at home doing our normal thing? Is stability key to raising a happy child? Is he gaining benefit by seeing all of these place, hiking different trails, meeting new families?

There is no easy answer in this. All that is really clear in this moment is that this trip is for me and for Hike it Baby, not necessarily Mason. But then as I confess this to the whole world, I also realize that’s not entirely true. Not only is this trip teaching me about what I am capable of as a parent, but it is also teaching me what Mason is really like as a kid and who he is in the world. We have stripped away the ease of day to day routine and now we are creating a new routine that is testing our relationship and personalities.

Part of this new routine does mean Mason crying at night that he wants to go home. But I have to remind myself at home every night he cried when Daddy was away at work (my husband works three weeks away every three weeks). “I want Daddy” is common. So are the cries with of “I want to go camping, not sleep in bed, sleep in truck.” When we put him in his bed over the last few weeks and didn’t let him sleep in our bed he cried, “I want big bed.” Part of being a toddler is that there is struggle and angst because your little one can’t fully verbalize what things are troubling them and how you can fix it. In this case I could fix it by going home, but I have a feeling it will be something else that he is crying about when we are home. And once we are home he will probably revert back to, “Not sleep in bed, sleep in truck.” So just knowing I can’t win is important to recognize. We are just in toddlerdom and strong emotions are part of it.

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Right now we are 600 miles from home. I can turn around and drive back to Portland and then we would sort out how to get Daddy home. Or we can push on and Mason and I will most likely have an amazing adventure.

I am leaning toward pushing on and here’s why: When I was six and my sister was three my newly divorced mother took us to a super remote little fishing village deep in the bottom of Mexico. It was a two-day journey by plane and taxi and then the final part we walked with our bags, shoeless on the sand to get to our new temporary home. The town was called Zipolite and we spent a few weeks there playing with the local kids and eating fresh tortillas and beans. My grandparents practically disowned my mom for “risking our lives” and taking us to this faraway place that was dangerous and fraught with unknowns.

Still to this day I think that is one of my strongest childhood memories. I can still taste the pineapple empanadas covered in sugar that were driven in by a bumpy backroad that was only passable part of the year. We ate fresh fish in Mexican families’ homes who had makeshift restaurants on the beach. We slept in shacks with no glass in the windows or locks on the doors. Our bathroom was an outhouse or just outside. My sister, even though she was only three, has this as one of her first memories as well.

Sure we got really sick for a few days with Mexi-belly and I remember having a high fever, puking, and diarrhea everywhere, which was all a bit scary for my mom I would imagine since we were so far from “civilization” and any kind of doctor. Now looking back on all of that I would imagine my sister and I did a lot of “I want to go home” when things weren’t fun. But there was a lot less of that and a lot more amazing moments playing on the golden, empty beach. Deep pink sunsets setting over the ocean and waking in the morning to wild Mexican dogs picking through our scraps of garbage outside.

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This journey with Mason is far different from my mom’s adventures with us. We have phones, cameras, and an iPad. Yesterday I ran to Costco to get us all kinds of healthy snacks for the road. We are sleeping in the driveway of a great Hike it Baby family’s house in Sparks, Nevada (Mason has been insisting on sleeping in the truck over the house, so I didn’t want to fight that one).

Over the last three days we have done awesome “hikes” in Eugene, Ashland, and Reno. All of which involved touching some dirt, hugging trees, playing in huge muddy puddles. I have seen Mason laughing and having a blast. This has been the upside of our journey. The hikes feel like they neutralize the negative.

The hardest part of the journey is not Mason crying “I want to go home,” but the questioning of whether travel and different places every day or two is good for him. Then there is screen time. I feel bad that on our five-hour drive we had the iPad on for three of it. I’m trying to figure out what else I can do instead of screen time (he has books, crayons, a “desk” to draw on and every awesome kids-in-the-car thing you can think of to keep him busy). Screen time is one of the things that we all talk about a lot on our hikes. How to keep it minimal. If they are going to do screen-time, what should we let them watch?

Right now, though, I’m still not sure if I am going to be able to pull this trip off. I know people would understand if I didn’t make it to their town, but then it also feels like every day I drive further away from home, the easier it gets for Mason and I to be away from home. Two days ago, Mason kept asking to go home every few hours. Yesterday it was just last night as we struggled to get to bed. Eventually he fell asleep and now he’s deep in a slumber. Soon we will get up and point our truck toward Elko, Nevada, and get on the road.

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Here’s what I do know about this trip: Mason and I are bonding more closely than ever before. We are meeting really wonderful families. We are having fun everyday. We’re seeing new trails, visiting new cities, driving our way toward Daddy. When we pick up Daddy at the end of the Grand Canyon and head as a family toward Zion, Mason will be a seasoned road warrior. With every mile we put between us and home, I feel more confident that we can do this. That the road can be as much our home as our home is our home.

There are some people who probably would frown upon or judge me for continuing this massive journey. But I have a feeling there are a lot more people who are cheering Mason and me on. I have to focus my energy there and remind myself that at any moment I can decide to turn around and point the car home. Or just stop, find a hotel or campground, and hang out for a week and play with Mason.

The journey for me is a lot like parenting. Well, it is parenting. There are no rules. There is no true destination other than happiness. We will accomplish what we can accomplish and do our best job. We will do this together. I feel like the love and support all around me will make it so Mason and I have an amazing month. I am excited about all of the trails we will explore and friends we will make. I am excited about the unknowns.

Shanti Hodges is the founder of Hike It Baby, a nonprofit designed to get families of young kids outdoors.

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16 Comments

Emily M
on April 19, 2016 at 8:47 am

Great job Mama! Despite being away from “home”, your son has you for comfort and grounding on this adventure. It’s always beneficial to get away from regular routines and simplify with your child. When our son was 3, we did a lot of age appropriate DVDs for travel which felt like too much screen time, but now that he’s 5, he is much better at listening to booktapes, coloring, playing, looking through his books, and telling stories with us. Don’t doubt yourself, just enjoy this ride through all the toddler ups and downs.

Dear Shanti-your venture is good. A person we both know very well grew up spending Summer’s on the road. At two we drove from Seatrle to New Brunswick on Hwy 3. There was no such thing as iPads and barely a radio in 69′. We camped by the carb, fighting giant mosquitos. We spent every summer at a little cabin on the Blackfoot River in Montana, we took a hand over hand cable car across the river, cooked on a woodstove and our water came down from a spring on the mountain behind us. We hiked up those mountains with
A on our backs. We were never closer, whether in a raft on the river or camping in the woods. We lived at a Zen Center commune in SF with him, he is an amazing person and I feel much of it was due to these great journeys. Don’t be afraid to turnoff the outer world and concentrate on the present. M

You’re doing a wonderful thing, Shanti. I think you already know that, but a reminder can’t hurt. Travel is always a bit tough around the edges but it makes us stronger. You’re giving Mason some serious character and you’re an excellent role model as well as mother. Keep it up! *high five*

I would caution against over thinking every single little thing to the point where it is hard to distinguish if you are doing the right thing. Enjoy the world through your kids eyes, and you will know get to know them deeply. Part of being a parent is putting selfishness aside and being sensitive to your child’s mood and desires. I’ve hiked for months across Europe with a toddler on my back. I sure did get odd looks, but my son never once said “I wanna go home” and neither did I. He was great on an island hoping adventure in the western pacific too. In all truth I’m lucky, my kids are great travelers, sure some times were rough, but everyone’s generally happier when we are on the road and all having an adventure together, and I guess it may boil down to that: having an adventure together.

I would caution against over thinking every single little thing to the point where it is hard to distinguish if you are doing the right thing. Enjoy the world through your kids eyes, and you will get to know them deeply. Part of being a parent is putting selfishness aside and being sensitive to your child’s mood and desires. I’ve hiked for months across Europe with a toddler on my back. I sure did get odd looks, but my son never once said “I wanna go home” and neither did I. He was great on an island hoping adventure in the western pacific too. In all truth I’m lucky, my kids are great travelers, sure some times were rough, but everyone’s generally happier when we are on the road and all having an adventure together, and I guess it may boil down to that: having an adventure together.

Thank you for sharing this! I am full time single mom of twins and want my girls to learn the self confidence and strength that comes from being outside, conquering a peak, biking to the top of that next hill, and to gain the love for the adventure and new experiences. They are 3 and, in 3 weeks, I am about to take them on a camping road trip because it is too expensive to fly. I’ve questioned this decision and feel a nervousness that I haven’t felt when facing the unknown on my own. Your story of Mexico and this road trip will stick with me and remind me of how important it is to take the leap and step outside of my comfort zone for the growth, memories and confidence it provides both for me and my girls! As my dad always says, “once you climb that difficult peak, the others scale in comparison”

I get the crying- definitely been there. I did 4 months on the road with my little guy and pup last year and a month already this year. When you get home, it will be crying to go adventure, camp, and hike! Looking forward to seeing more of your adventure!

I thank my parents for making us travel. We did not have a lot of money so we would DRIVE from Atlanta to Guatemala (my father’s home) at Christmasor other family events. We would drive to LA or NY to visit family. We would drive EVERYWHERE. Three kids. This type of travel has impacted us to become efficient adults. We always recall our memories of these trips to eachother and laugh about the mishaps. We had to learn to entertain ourselves and saw parts of the world that a lot of people don’t even want to visit. Keep going, Mason will be fine. He will thank you for this and future adventures. You are making him proud and even as a toddler he’s watching his mom be strong and adventurous. Think about that for a moment and let it resontate. You are his hero. xoxo

Shanti, you are such an inspiration to me and so many. You totally “get it” and I love that about you. I know we have never met but the hike it baby tribe is absolutely incredible and I hope you know you represent so many of us!! Enjoy this incredible journey. Mason is so lucky to have such a visionary for a mother. Can’t wait to continue to follow your journey!

I’m jealous!! If I had the time and money to take my 9 month old on the road to visit all sorts of new places and make new friends, I’d do it in a heartbeat!! Keep the adventure going. All day every day. Wish you could stop down here in little old Cortez, CO and join a little hike with us. We aren’t part of Hike it Baby, but we sure love to hike. And we live where the desert meets the mountains so there is never an off season. <3

Keep going, Mama! My kids are now 6 and 8, so I understand that it is easier to choose the less adventuresome route but you are raising an adaptable child for whom the world is his home. That’s a big gift. On the screen alternatives, have you tried audiobooks for kids?

Hey, good job. I travelled extensively with my kids, even lived in a camper for some years (number one son was born in a vintage slide-in camper) We rode bicycles, (Mom, Dad and three kids, 11, 7 and 3) for six months from Vermont to Alaska. My daughter now carries on the tradition of adventure with her four boys.

People ask how I get the kids to behave during long trips. I tell them to drop the pose that makes that question matter, and ask yourself why the kids aren’t too fascinated, awe-struck, busy and tired to complain. These are kids, easy to manipulate, easy to lead. Mine believed that the trips were their idea, or our idea together as a family, and that was true to a large extent. The expedition itself became an entity that we all served, “For the sake of the trip…” And responsibility for key portions of the trip fell on my children at the earliest possible signs that they could handle it. I like the way the author (and commenters) speak of, “…traveling with my children…”, rather than “…bringing my children on a trip…”.

I never noticed any more or less complaining, crying or behavior issues on the road than I did at home; but I know that ADULTS are more stressed on an expedition than they are at home. Which, I think, accounts for many of the stories of kids acting out on tour.

Actually, the question of kids on tour goes to the heart of my parenting philosophy: The children are not your world, your life. You had a world and a life already, and your kids joined it. Making your children into your entire world, your entire life (when, for the first decade or two, your child’s entire world is YOU) creates a circular, negatively-reinforcing closed loop that is corrosive to mental health on both sides. Drag them along on YOUR trip; that’s proper. Let them think it’s THEIR trip; that’s wise.

And to those commenters who wish that they could afford the time and money to travel while their kids are young: you have the time (everybody gets 24 hours a day, and nobody gets more than 52 weeks a year). Complaining that you have no time is a proxy for complaining that you regret the time commitments of your current plan. Change the plan. Money? Similar rubric. Spend it on travel or continue to spend it on whatever you’re spending it on now; your choice. Want to keep your house AND travel? Your choice too, but maybe you want too much, or maybe you don’t want to travel enough, or maybe you need to be a little more resourceful and persistent and dedicated. Remember, security is not what it seems. Money and investments evaporate at the whim of governments and businessmen; houses, cars and material goods are notoriously fragile, temporary and inflexible, providing only the illusion of security. But real security can be had by developing the skills to walk the land knowing that you can handle the challenges that come your way. Passing these skills to the next generation is why I bring kids on adventures.