Rabbits Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare line.

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves.........?

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves. The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket. After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, "Well, do you want to make a run for it or stay here a few days and outnumber them?"

wife's insisting to quit job

The wife's insisting I quit my job, because she thinks it's cruel we've started testing our new products on rabbits.
She's got a point, I suppose...

I work in a hammer factory.

The CIA, FBI, and the KGB are tasked with finding a rabbit in a forest...

The CIA show up after a few days and release a 6000 word article on the fact that rabbits don't exist.

The FBI show up with a dead rabbit and say in a press release "The rabbit had it coming."

The KGB show up with a bruised and beaten bear. The bear is forced to make a statement "I am a rabbit, my father was a rabbit, and my mother is a rabbit. My whole family are rabbits!" the bear disappears shortly after...

I once knew a bald guy who liked to draw rabbits on his head

but from a distance they looked like hares

A woman had 2 pet rabbits.

When they both died unexpectedly, she decided to get them stuffed so she took them to a taxidermist.

"Would you like them mounted?" the taxidermist asked.

She thought about it for a moment and said, "no, holding hands is fine".

A man is walking to his car late at night

When he sees a woman on a shady corner. He goes up to ask if she's alright and she responds

"I'm a hooker, are you interested?"

The man decides to live a little and takes her up on her offer and they go back to his car and go at it like rabbits.

Some time during, a cop pulls up and knocks on the window.

"Excuse me sir what exactly are you doing?"

The man answers "I'm having sex with my wife"

The cop replies with "I apologize, I didn't know."

The man responds with "Me neither."

What do you call a family of 8 rabbits?

One rabbyte

Bedroom animals

A pair of newlyweds are out for drinks with a middle-aged couple who have been married for twenty years.
Having knocked back a few, the older husband turns to the newlyweds and remarks with a wink: "I bet you two are like a couple of rabbits in the bedroom."
The newlyweds laugh awkwardly at this, and then the young husband asks "Well, what kind of bedroom animals are you two then?"
The older husband screws up his face and thinks about it for a moment, then exclaims wryly: "Don't know about me, but Margaret here would have to be a camel: she can go for weeks and weeks without sex."
Without missing a beat, Margaret replies: "That's funny because I was thinking George here would also be a camel: two humps and it's over."

What's the difference between a magician and a psychologist?

A magician makes rabbits appear in hats, while a psychologist makes habits appear in rats.

The CIA, Mi6, and KGB all meet for a competition [LONG]

Dropped off on a deserted island each team is tasked with the same mission. Go into the jungle and catch a rabbit. Fastest time wins.

The CIA team goes first, within 5 minutes they come out with a rabbit squirming around in hand. As the the other teams seem mildly impressed.

Next, the Mi6 team goes in and within 3 minutes They come out not only with one but 3 rabbits.

Finally the KGB goes in and within 30 seconds you hear this massive scuffle making its way through the jungle guns pointed and yelling and they pull out a massive elephant. As the elephant desperately yells, "I'm a rabbit, I'm rabbit!!!".

Cool Joke

So there is this bear and this rabbit walking together in the woods. They come across this mysterious lamp. Of course they rub it, and a genie comes out. The genie says they get six wishes, three each. Meanwhile the bear is like "Oh yeah! Time to get some wishes!" and the rabbits just like "Oh this is cool I guess." So the bear goes first, he wishes that all the male bears in his forest are turned into females. The genie grants his wish. The rabbit goes and he says "I guess I want a helmet." The bear thinks to himself "Why would you wish for a helmet when you can have anything." The bear takes his second wish. He wishes for all the male bears in the neighboring forest to be females. He gets his wish. The rabbit then wishes for a motorcylce. The bear is now excited at his wishes and is really wondering why the rabbit is getting all of these stupid things. The bear then goes on to wish for ALL the bears in the world, except for him, to be female. His wish is granted. By this time the bear is super excited. Now the rabbit takes his last wish. He gets on his motorcylce, puts his helmet on, and says "I wish that bear was gay" and drives off.
*EDIT- Changed pot to lamp.

An old lady's beloved pair of pet rabbits died

So she took them to the taxidermist to get them stuffed. The taxidermist asked her "would you like them mounted?" "No" she replied, "just holding hands."

Baking Cakes

A mother and her young daughter were walking through the park one day when they came across 2 dogs having sex. The daughter asks her mom, "what are they doing?" the mom not wanting to explain sex to her young daughter just says "oh they're making cakes"

Further on they come across 2 rabbits having sex, again the daughter asks her mum what they are doing and again the mum goes "oh they're just making cakes."

further on the daughter says, "you and daddy were making cakes on the sofa last night weren't you?" the mom, horrified, asks "did you see us?" and the daughter replies "no, but I licked the whipped cream off the sofa afterwards"

What do you call two Jewish rabbits?

rabbi

A police officer candidate goes for an interview...

The officer says, "Take this pistol and shoot A TALL BLACK GUY AND THREE WHITE RABBITS."
So the candidate asks,"why the three white rabbits?".
Officer"that's the kind of attitude we're looking for. You're selected".

what do you call 10 rabbits marching backwards?

A receding hairline

Two rabbits are eating carrots

...from farmer Brown's field. One turns to the other and says, "This carrot is pithy." The other rabbit says, "I guess so. I just pithed on it."

Clean English jokes, you must laugh!!!

Little Johnny wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test:
Tester: If I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Little Johnny : SEVEN!
Tester : No, listen carefully again. If I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Little Johnny : SEVEN!
Tester : Let's try this another way. If Igive you two bottles of beer, and twobottles of beer, and another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of beer have you got?
Little Johnny : SIX.
Tester : Good! Now, if I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Little Johnny : SEVEN!
Tester : How on Earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?
Little Johnny: I've already got one rabbit at home!

What do you call a group of rabbits backing up?

A Receding hairline

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?

A receding hare-line

I've opened up a barber shop for rabbits

I do hare cuts, only.

Rabbits died

My neighbor's pair of pet rabbits died unexpectedly within hours of each other. She was distraught. I suggested she go to my friend the taxidermist. When she arrived, my friend tried to console her and she asked him if he could create a memorial. "Of course", he replied. He explained that he could stuff them and they would almost look lifelike. He asked if she would like them mounted.
"No" she said, "holding paws would be fine."

A small church became infested with rabbits...

A small church became infested with rabbits. Pest control professionals were called as soon as the problem was discovered, but nothing could stop the rabbits from overtaking first the basement, then the grounds, then the kitchen and offices, and finally the meeting hall. Realizing that nothing could be done, the leaders and the congregation tried to go on as usual, but the smell of rabbit droppings was overpowering even after thorough cleanings. Worse, inevitably a rabbit would be accidentally harmed or killed during the service, which would always lead to many children bursting into tears.

Finally, a solution was discovered. Sprinkling holy water throughout the building, they baptized the rabbits in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Now they only see the rabbits on Christmas and Easter.

Two rabbits were 69ing. One says to the other, "hang on, I've got a hare in my mouth."

A rabbit escapes a laboratory

Upon running away he stumbles across a group of rabbits in a field. The leader welcomes him and says 'the outside world isn't like the lab, you can do what you want here, try some of the grass'. The grass tasted like nothing the rabbit had tasted before, it was so refreshing and tasty. He then went around mating with all the female rabbits all day. At the end of the day the leader saw the rabbit running back to the lab and he said 'what are you doing? I thought you loved it here', the rabbit said 'yes I do, but I'm dying for a cigarette'.

What do you call a line of hundreds of rabbits, moving backwards slowly?

A receding hareline

I had to stop breeding rabbits...

I found it to be a hare raising experience.

What's the difference between a scientist and a magician?

One pulls rabbits out of hats and the other polls habits out of rats

Hey, do you like analogies? I got plenty!

I got analogy to rabbits, analogy to grass, analogy to mold...

What do you get when a line of rabbits run backwards?

A receding hare line

Catching rabbits

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

Tame way, unique up on it.

How do you catch a common rabbit?

Comm-on, tame way, unique up on it.

I saw a man with a several rabbits on his head today...

When I inquired as to why he had rabbits on his head, he simply stated "From a distance they look like hares"

Making millions of dollars is like breeding rabbits.

It's much easier when you start with two.

So there's a family of rabbits on the side of the road...

Mommy, Daddy, and Baby Rabbit.
They're hopping across and BAM, a truck runs over Mommy and Daddy, but Baby makes it across.

Back on the other side, there's a family of skunks. Mommy, Daddy, and Baby Skunk.
They go waddling across the road and BAM, a truck runs offer Mommy and Daddy, but Baby makes it across.

So Baby Rabbit and Baby Skunk are sitting there on the side of the road.
The rabbit starts crying. The skunk asks him what's wrong, and the rabbit says "Well, my parents are dead and I'm all alone. I don't know where I'm going, I don't remember where I'm from, I don't even know what I am!"
The skunk looks him over and says "Well, let's see, you've got floppy ears and a cotton tail and hop when you walk, you must be a rabbit!"

The rabbit feels his ears, looks at his tail, takes a hop, and says "You're right, I'm a rabbit. I feel better!"

So they sit there a little longer, but the the skunk starts crying. The rabbit asks him what's wrong, and he says, "Well, my parents are dead too! I'm all alone, I don't know where I'm going, I don't remember where I'm from, I don't even know what I am, either!"

The rabbit looks him over and says, "Well...
You're not white and you're not black, and you smell kinda bad,

You must be a Mexican!"

Why did the brewery keep rabbits on hand?

So they could add the hops.

Target practice

Out on the shooting range in an area where hunting is forbidden, I encounter two chinese gentleman curious about what happens at this place.

They politely ask if this is where they can shoot some rabbits. No no, I say, shooting rabbits is not legal here. You are only allowed to practice firing at the designated targets, you know for fun.

"Ahhhh" they remark. Taking a seat, staring at the field ahead of them. Guns on the ground next to them. Puzzled, I ask if they're going to take a few shots at the targets.

"Yes" they reply, "We wait for rabbit to move in front of target".

The man that pulled a rabbits teeth out

A rabbit poked a man and asked
Give me carrots, I want carrots
The man ignored the rabbit
The rabbit poked the man again
Give me carrots, I want carrots
The man is annoyed at this point, but continues to ignore the rabbit
Again rabbit pokes the man
Give me carrots I said
The man grabs the rabbit and pulls out the rabbits teeth
Rabbit pokes the man again and says
Give me carrot juice

A magician pulls rabbits out of hats.

An experimental psychologist pulls habits out of rats.

A joke from my dad

A balding man said to his wife
"I've bought several rabbits for the garden"
Why?
"Well from a distance it'll look like I have lots of hare"

Where do rabbits learn to fly?

The Hare Force

Where can you find flying rabbits?

In the hare force.

Why did the Duck flying in the sky get Shot?

Michael J Fox was hunting rabbits.

Why do rabbits love beer?

Because it's made of hops.

Two rabbits were chased by hounds

They ran until they couldn't run anymore. Holed up in a hollow log, the rabbits were safely out of reach while the hounds bayed outside.

The boy rabbit looked at the girl rabbit and asked, "What do we do now?"

"We stay here until we outnumber them."
- Woody Guthrie

Worried about hair loss? Just draw little rabbits on your head.

From a distance they'll look like hares.

Who has better beer: Rabbits or Kangaroos?

Kanagaroos. While they both do great with the hops, Kangaroos just have a little more kick!

How do rabbits fly?

In hareplanes.

If you start going bald, get rabbits tattooed all over your head.

Until you get up close they look just like hares.

This is one my mum told me today. Thought you would enjoy.

Dave is in class, when the teacher asks him "Dave, if you have two rabbits, then another two rabbits, then another two rabbits, how many do you have?"

"Seven, miss".

"No, no, no! If if you have two rabbits, then another two rabbits, then another two rabbits, how many do you have?"

Again, Dave says "Seven, miss".

"Ok, Dave. If you have two apples, and two apples, and two apples, how many apples do you have?"

"Six, miss."

"Correct! Now, once again, if you have two rabbits, then another two rabbits, then another two rabbits, how many do you have?"

"Seven, miss."

"Dave! Why do you say seven rabbits?"

Dave replies "I've got one at home."

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wild dogs...

One says to the other "should we stop and outnumber them?"

...

"keep running you fool we're brothers!!"

What city has been completely overrun by rabbits?

Albany.

What do you call a group of rabbits walking backwards in single file.

Recieding hare line.

What kind of beer do rabbits drink?

Doesn't matter as long as it's hoppy

A fire burned one entire forest and only one elder rabbit survived,you know why?

Because old rabbits die hard

The secret services of the USA, Israel and Russia argue about which is most effective.

An impartial Swiss judge releases a rabbit into thick woods and instructs them to find it.

The CIA and NSA conduct months of testing, hacking and spying before concluding that rabbits don't exist.

The Mossad torches the forest and proudly proclaims that the rabbit has been taken care of.

The FSB goes into the adjacent woods. An hour later, it comes out dragging a bloodied bear, who howls "Okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit!"

Why must rabbits never miss dinner?

With out their tea they'd be Rabbis.

What do you call a group of rabbits with little hats?

Rabbi.

Little Johnny and his pet.

Dad walks by little johnny's room and hears "how much is 5 plus 5?"
He walks in and asks little johnny "why are you talking to your rabbit?"
Johnny says: "This one is stupid, the teacher told me that rabbits can multiply very fast but this one can't even add up"

What do rabbits use to make beer?

Bunny hops

How do rabbits stay cold in the summer?

Hare conditioning

Two rabbits were being chased by a group of hunters

One turned to the other and asked "Do we make a run for it or stay here and outnumber them?"

What do you call a group of French rabbits running backwards?

A retreating hare line.

What Type Of Music Do Rabbits Like ?

Hip-hop.

What does riding a roller coaster have in common with breeding rabbits?

They are both hare raising.

How do bunny rabbits like their beer brewed?

With lots of hops!

what do rabbits have that no other animals have?

baby rabbits

I used to breed rabbits.

Then I realized that they pretty much know what to do.

What kind of music do rabbits listen to?

HIP HOP

From the perspective of a magician:

Silly kids, rabbits are for tricks!

What do you call a man with rabbits in his pockets

Warren

My pet snake will only eat rabbits.

You might say my anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hon.

Why are all rabbits negro?

Because they dig homes.

What do you call a row of rabbits jumping backwards?

A receding hair line.

Two rabbits are getting it down one afternoon

the one rabbit says to the other

"This is fun, wasn't it?'

Two rabbits

Two rabbits are in a garden and one of the rabbits says, "Thith carrot tathes pithy."