What if Pete Carroll was on Facebook?

Pete Carroll is the author of one book and countless two-word phrases like earn everything, always compete and all in. He has 421,768 followers on Twitter and two victories in his first three games as Seahawks coach. Here’s a fictional rendition of a Facebook newsfeed for his first nine months as Seahawks coach.

Likes

Lunch-time

basketball games

Going for it on fourth down

Friends

Roger Goodell

NFL

Commissioner

Paul Allen

Seahawks big Kahuna

Lance

Armstrong

Professional

cyclist

F.O.P. (Friend of Pete)

Steve Sarkisian

UW coach

Branch of the coaching tree

Monte Kiffin

USC defensive coordinator

Kindred coaching spirit

John Schneider

Seahawks GM

Roster rotation specialist

People you may know

NCAA

Investigators

Countless

mutual enemies

Drew Bledsoe

3 Mutual

seasons

Tons of good memories

Mansfield

Wrotto

1 Former player

Events

At Chicago

Oct. 17

Vs. Arizona

Oct. 24

Super Bowl?

Cowboys

Stadium

Feb. 6, 2011

264 days ago: Pete Carroll is just so pumped up in Renton where he’s introduced as the next Seahawks coach.

Paul Allen is a fan of this

Jim Mora is definitely NOT a fan of this.

Bill Belichick: Welcome back from the guy who won three Super Bowls with your old team.

(Note: The privacy settings on this Facebook account are custom made, preventing his status updates from being viewed publicly. Only Belichick, Ernie Adams and one unidentified custodian can see Belichick’s information).

Charlie Weis: Great. So first I lose my job at Notre Dame after I can’t beat him in college. Now, not only is he headed to the NFL, but the Seahawks play my Chiefs so he’ll get the chance to deconstruct my precocious little offense yet again. I better console myself with a Twinkie.

199 days ago: Pete Carroll has added Charlie Whitehurst as a friend.

12th Man is undecided on this move.

Charlie Whitehurst: Looking for a place to buy my Birkenstocks up in Seattle. Moving up from San Diego and need to find the footwear to fit my groovy beard and flowing locks.

Pete Carroll: If we’re going to raise the Seahawks from the dead, we might as well get someone whose appearance is somewhat biblical.

170 days ago: Mike Williams, famously productive college receiver who became infamously heavy in the NFL, is down about 40 pounds and looking for work.

Pete Carroll adds Mike Williams as a friend.

163 days ago: Pete Carroll has added safety Earl Thomas as a friend, choosing the playmaker with the 14th choice in the first round.

Taylor Mays does not like this.

128 days ago: LenDale White has un-friended Pete Carroll after he was released from the Seahawks 35 days after being acquired in a trade.

The 12th Man: (Yawn.)

Pete Carroll: Sorry LenDale, but this time it was Tell the Truth Friday. You’ve got to earn everything, and unfortunately you didn’t earn anything. Guess I’ll see you later unless I see you first.

119 days ago: Top Pot Doughnuts has a few questions regarding a late-night donut caper.

Golden Tate: Uhhhh, my bad.

Pete Carroll does not like this, and by “this” he means Tate’s trespassing, not Top Pot’s maple bars. Pete Carroll loves those maple bars.

115 days ago: Lane Kiffin says the NCAA gave USC an unexpected head start on its Haunted House, dragging a number of skeletons out of the closet and scaring the bejesus out of Trojans players, both past and future.

Pete Carroll: OMG ???

Mike Garrett: $&%$ @%#*

NCAA investigator: You might win forever, but that doesn’t mean they’ll all count.

30 days ago: The Seahawks unfriend receiver T.J. Houshmandzadeh, who boards a private plane Friday night to fly to Southern California and begins inquiring about alternative places of employment. Receiver is both competitive and vocal, led Seattle with 79 catches in 2009, and needs a new team after Seattle released him one week before his second season in town.

Matt Hasselbeck likes this.

29 days ago: Matt Leinart is one former Trojan who’s keeping his Heisman, and he’s looking for a job, wondering why Pete Carroll hasn’t accepted his friend request.

Pete Carroll: (Sound of crickets chirping.)

Leinart: Awkward.

21 days ago: WHAT??!!! 49ers quarterback Alex Smith can not hear himself think, and definitely can’t understand the calls coming through his headset.

Pete Carroll: (Waves arms feverishly.)

12th Man: (Yelling. Loud.)

Seven days ago: Leon Washington isn’t sure why the Chargers kept kicking to him, but he’s sure happy they did. Almost as happy as he is is Pete Carroll and the Seahawks, who traded for him on draft day.

Pete Carroll, the 12th Man and Paul Allen like this.

Five days ago: NFL transactions report the Seahawks made three roster moves on Tuesday, signing receiver Brandon Stokley and offensive linemen Allen Barbre and Breno Giacomini. That pushes the team above 200 transactions since Pete Carroll became head coach.

Four days ago: The Seahawks already have “Tell the Truth Monday” and “Turnover Thursday.” This was actually “No Roster Move Wednesday.”