Royal Wedding Postponed Until Commoner Knows What’s Best

The Imperial Household Agency announced Tuesday that Princess Mako announced that her wedding will be delayed by at least two years or until her fiancé Kei Komuro “knows what’s best for him”.

“My fiancé and I have independently decided since announcing our wedding plans last year that we are too immature for Komuro to speak his own mind,” said Princess Mako’s Imperial Household Agency spokesperson Soshiki Kaikyu.

“I don’t think 10 months will even give us enough time to get through all the paperwork.”

A ceremony formalizing Prince Mako’s engagement planned for early March has also been postponed until the Olympics.

The Imperial Household Agency is confident the Tokyo 2020 Olympics will serve as a big enough distraction for people to forget all about the wedding.

“After Japan wins over 100 gold medals and comes in first place in the overall standings everyone will have forgotten about that little peasant Kei Komuro,” said Kaikyu.

The tabloids are expecting Komuro to be embroiled in some sort of scandal over the coming year.

Komuro would be wise to avoid riding in any cars driven by intoxicated chauffeurs at high speeds through tunnels.