August 14, 2005

Princess Fiona

I searched for a picture of Princess Fiona (the non-pretty one) to use for my MSN profile. A Google Image search for Fiona led to pictures of various ladies in progressive stages of undress (I do not hyperlink, or I would lose all my readers at this point). A search for Princess Fiona led to images from the movie, but they were all either shots of the pretty, low-cal, princessy Fiona, or shots of Shrek and Fiona together. I tried the websites of both the Shrek movies, and though there are some amazing things happening on both of them, the picture I was looking for did not exist.

Google is giving me a clear message. An ugly woman is presentable only with her equally ugly man. Fiona does not pose for pictures alone, because nobody wants to see an ugly woman for who she is. Shrek, on the other hand, revels in his lack of beauty, and is happy to grace your screensaver/desktop/lunchbox/backpack/whatever it is you want. Ugliness is cute in a guy, not in a girl.

As a couple, they are hugely successful. The movies seem to make a point of that. They are both obsessed with looking better, but the other’s looks do not matter. They could have had a movie where low-cal Fiona prevails in the end, but they chose not to. But I am not sure they’d have an ogre Fiona with a Brad Pitt Shrek. Nah. Never.

After the credits roll and the Donkey-Dragon babies are gone, Fiona the ogress is not to be tolerated alone. She is destined to be half of a pair, and, by implication, lucky to be there at all.