A misleading narrative has been doing the rounds in mainstream culture for a few decades now. It’s fed to us constantly by pop music, sitcoms, and Hollywood movies. ‘There’s Something About Mary’, ‘500 Days of Summer’, and ‘Big Bang Theory’ are all based on it. The narrative is: nerdy beta males get their dream girl in the end. And then live happily ever after.

What is a Beta?

The classic beta male is weak, needy, self-conscious, unconfident, anxious, and usually somewhat unhappy. He doesn’t believe in himself. He feels inferior and threatened by other people and the world around him. He also tends to be a little sensitive and easily offended. The opposite of a beta male is an alpha male.

Alpha Male Traits

A thoroughbred alpha tends to be confident, emotionally stable, comfortable in himself, a leader, decisive. Thoroughbred alphas are rare.

Am I Beta?

Most men lie on a spectrum, somewhere between 100% alpha and 100% beta. Alphas tend to be leaders, so by definition, there are fewer alphas than there are betas. But it is also the case that many predominantly beta men have some alpha traits. Happily, beta males can become alpha (or at least alpha-er) with training.

Beta Male Gets Dream Girl… a Fabled Fallacy!

This narrative exists because it is soothing and reassuring to beta males. Because the majority of males are beta males, this narrative sells. The narrative is pleasant and unchallenging. It also jibes well with our politically-correct society in which all slates are blank and… everyone’s a winner! But this narrative is a lie.

Attraction is Not a Choice

Sexual attraction is not a choice. Girls are not attracted to beta male traits. They never have been and they never will be. Girls are turned-on by alpha male traits.

How to Become Alpha?

Men who start out as betas can develop impressive alpha traits with training. Many great blogs, youtube channels, and books exist that advise men on how to make this shift. Millions of formerly tragic and unhappy betas have made the leap to alpha-ish and reaped wonderful rewards. But sadly, relapsing is common.

Relapsing Betas

Many men, deep in their hearts, enjoy being beta. It’s easy to just lie back and be lax. Being alpha means managing yourself at a high level, maintaining emotional control, stepping into fear, taking responsibility. Being alpha takes effort.

Many men harbour a secret hope. They hope to pick up enough alpha traits to get the girl. But then once she’s locked in, they want to revert to their former beta selves. These men are indoctrinated into the ‘betas ultimately get the dreamgirl’ narrative. They see acting the alpha as a stepping stone along the way. This is a big mistake.

Become an Alpha Male

Again….. attraction is not a choice. If a girl falls for a guy in large part due to the alpha traits he displays, she will become unattracted if those traits disappear. As well she should; the man she fell for is not the man in front of her now. She has been duped.

A man must become alpha, in his core. It’s a man’s responsibility to truly be the best man he can be. He must become that alpha version of himself that in the beginning was merely an act. He must internalize the behaviours, healthier mindsets, and love for self that a true alpha embodies.

A Relationship Will Not Save Beta Males

If you want to have a healthy relationship in which your woman’s attraction for you intensifies over time, you must be the alpha version of you forever. It is not OK to be a simpering beta once inside a relationship. If your woman is a feminine woman she will become repulsed by beta behaviours such as neediness, crying, emotional outbursts, indecisiveness, and submissiveness.

Be the Best Man You Can Be

The narrative is a lie; simpering betas do not live happily ever after with their dream girls. Once you get into a relationship you must continue to be the best alpha version of yourself, forever. Do this for her, but mainly, do it for you!