Federal law: Every living American can be arrested right now for felony possession of drugs made in their own brains
If you are reading this, you are guilty of felony possession of a Schedule I controlled substance.

This is not a joke.

You, like everyone else who is alive and breathing, can be arrested right now by the U.S. federal government, charged with felony possession, then proven "guilty" of that possession because you do possess a Schedule I substance in your own brain.