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hi, i would like to hear some comments from some of the experts on this site. i am a gay male in my 2os. i have always practiced safer sex. On a recent occasion, i engaged in oral sex with another man of unknown HIV status. There was no anal sex involved. i mostly received oral and we engaged in frotagge (ie rubbing against) one another, which i have heard is safer practices. However, at one point, very briefly, i did go down on him, it must have been no more than a minute if that. unfortunately for me, i noticed some precum, which i immediately spat out of my mouth and stopped performing oral on him.

i was not worried for the most part, except that when i got home and started checking my mouth i noticed that i had a raised surfaced in my lip, ie probably the result of an older scratch or bite. There was certainly no blood nor was it fresh or there was pain.

am now concerned i may have contracted HIV from that one instance. i am now very very worried and are driving myself nuts. Will get tested eventually in 3 months to know for certain but would like to know exactly if i should worry much or if my concerns are unfounded.

Giving blowjobs is at the low end of the risk scale and it is highly unlikely that your incident will lead to hiv infection.

It doesn't sound as though you have regular check ups, and anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

As the vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by six weeks, a negative result at that point would be an excellent indication of your true hiv status. Under your low risk circumstances, it would be entirely up to you whether you tested again at the 12-13 week mark, or just waited until it was time for your next routine check up.

I fully expect you to test negative from the encounter you bring to us.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

i appreaciate Ann's reply and it does put me at ease somewhat. given my incident(above), should i get tested over this incident (ignoing the fact that sexually active people should routinely get tested, which i am). i suppose iam asking whether although small, i still should get tested bc i might have gotten it.thanks for anyone's reply.

YES, you should get tested....if not for the above incident, but because you apparently engage in behaviors that can lead to high-risk. I mean no disrespect, but as someone who made an error in judgement 5 months ago and am paying dearly for it now, you should always do two things: - ALWAYS ask if the person you are going to have ANY sort of sexual relations with is HIV positive and when they were last tested. If they have a problem with this question, you don't need to be bothered. - ALWAYS remember that there is only SAFER SEX. As Ann said (for whom I have a great deal of respect), your risk seems VERY low and likely you are likely fine. - GET TESTED REGULARLY - every 6 to 12 months if you are sexually active.

Do yourself a favor and beef up your knowledge on HIV now........and make sure you don't put yourself at risk in the future.

i appreaciate ur comment and i wish u well in ur life as u deal with what comes ahead. I dont engage in higher risk behaviour (ie anal) and i often only get bjs (ie-no risk or only theoretical by the experts on this site). i would not be so worried if it had not been b/c of the old abrasion on btm of lip, an abrasion that was not new, had no visible open wound, it just just a little bump on lip. I know that HIV is tiny so whats visibly not an open wound may not be so microscopicaly.

i appreaciate that u should ask partners about their status, but i dont think that is necessarily a good idea b/c u should assume that even if they say they are neg, they might be poz not b/c they might be lieng (always pos) but also b/c they might not know.

my second question was about whether i should drive myself nuts for the next three months or whether i should relax and just get tested twice a year which would be not in three months but in 5 in my case.

i get tested twice a year ac72. and i do know my limits (ie- i dont engage in risky activity). i suppose in the future i will no longer ever give head, now that i know that there is some risk in that and will just get bjs, but that is often not possible and plain selfish.

at this point i am just really stressed, worried that i contracted HIV from a few secs of blowing someone given that i tasted some pre-cum.

Try reading a little more clearly before you start slamming someone for what you THINK they said. - "If they have a problem with this question, you need not be bothered." - I also didn't say anything about relying on the response of the other person. I was stressing the fact of bringing up the discussion of "are you positive" if any sexual contact would be made. Knowledge is power - the power to make an educated decision.

I made no insinuation that he should snub a positive person. I'm doing quite well dealing with my diagnosis and feel that my advice of gaining more knowledge and being fully aware of actions is some of the BEST advice that can be given for a 20 something.

There is no issue for positive/negative couples or partners........in fact, my husband (who is negative by the way) agrees.

again, just wanted to ask you whether the risk i incurred merits testing over it or whther i should just wait until my routine checkup in 5 months. any advice would realy help.thanks a lotcheersyoung dude

I can definitely sympathize with you. I'm going through a very similar situation as you (my thread is called "oral on a leaky (precum) penis").

I'm scared, but I'm trying to stay calm.

I wish you the best. In my opinion, you should get tested at three months from the incident that you're worried about. Most people here believe that you have a very low risk of transmission, so you will probably be fine. Please keep us informed of how you're doing, and what your test results are when you get tested.

guys sorry to bother u. I promise i wont be bugging u anymore with my posts. But i would really benefit from u guys humouring me one last time. Do you moderators think that my risk level merits an HIV test? or should i just wait for routine time? thanku. i noticed u deleted ,y post on this topic. my apologies, iw as not trying to cause problems, just would really like to get the info.regardsyoung dude

You asked in the new thread you started what I would do - test or not test. To be perfectly honest, with what I know about hiv transmission, if I had only tasted some pre-cum, which I then spat out, no, I wouldn't bother testing over it. Oral transmission of hiv is rare. Aside from regular, routine testing, I wouldn't test over oral at all. But that's me; you have to decide where your own comfort level lies. (and of course, where I'm concerned, it's a bit like the proverbial closing the barn door when the horse is already in the next county. )

As long as you keep using condoms for intercourse, twice yearly testing should be just fine.

One more thing Dude, you need to be a little more patient. All of us who answer your questions in this forum do so from home, in our own time, without pay, and we have things to do other than sit at the computer all day. For example, I just got back from some grocery shopping and now I'm going out to do some garden blogging. I'll pop in again in a few hours, but I'm not going to sit here all day...

Just read the Lessons (follow the links) and the Posting Guidelines in the Welcome Thread and be patient.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Young, first of all I have deleted the other thread which you began in hopes of getting more responses. Keep your entries in this same thread as it allows readers to follow the discussion and to give you more responsive comments.

OK, as far as your concern about having given some head to another guy. The risk with regard to giving oral is very, very low and falls more into the theoretical than real in terms of risk. Just consider there have been trillions of blowjobs since the epidemic began and yet very, very few infections which have been credited to giving oral sex. And even some of those are questionable.

By contrast there have been several very lengthy studies of both gay and straight sero-dystonic couples who over extended periods of time used condoms for intercourse and also gave each other oral sex. None of the sero-negative partners became infected.

But still the concern continues to come up so you are not alone by any means with your concern. THe bottom line in this is to decide what level of risk you are willing to tolerate. You also can decide if you want to continue to give oral but using a condom on the other guy. Because remember that anytime you have sex with anyone other than yourself there is "some risk" involved, however slight it maybe. Nothing but abstinence is 100% safe as far as sex is concerned.

As to getting tested in relation to this recent incident, you have to decide if you need what I would expect to be inevitably a negative test result to put your mind at ease.

The reality is there are some other virulent STDs out there which are much easier to pass orally (and by skin contact as well) than HIV. That's why it's a good idea to get a full STD panel done regularly if you're sexually active.

hi, i would like to hear some comments from some of the experts on this site. i am a gay male in my 2os. i have always practiced safer sex. On a recent occasion, i engaged in oral sex with another man of unknown HIV status. There was no anal sex involved. i mostly received oral and we engaged in frotagge (ie rubbing against) one another, which i have heard is safer practices. However, at one point, very briefly, i did go down on him, it must have been no more than a minute if that. unfortunately for me, i noticed some precum, which i immediately spat out of my mouth and stopped performing oral on him.

i was not worried for the most part, except that when i got home and started checking my mouth i noticed that i had a raised surfaced in my lip, ie probably the result of an older scratch or bite. There was certainly no blood nor was it fresh or there was pain.

am now concerned i may have contracted HIV from that one instance. i am now very very worried and are driving myself nuts. Will get tested eventually in 3 months to know for certain but would like to know exactly if i should worry much or if my concerns are unfounded.

Just wanted to thank you for all your work here and the support that you give to all of us who are worried silly. You may not remember me b/c you help so many people. I had an incident in late June whereby I performed oral on a guy of unknown status. Although brief, I noticed some pre-cum which I spat out. I worried later b/c I noticed after examining my mouth that I had an old cut on my lip.

I came here and j , Ann, mORGAN, rAPIDROD and andy were super helpful, being patient and answering questions. You all told me the risk was very very low and expected me to test neg. Today, I tested at 6 weeks at a gay menís clinic where they administer the quick test The test came back negative. I am very thrilled, happy. The councellor seemed shocked that I was testing at all over the incident, but was pleased that I was taking care of my health. Will have a full panel STD shortly.

Thank you very much for all the help and the patience that you exhibit on this site. Your work does not go unnoticed and it is making a real difference in peopleís lives. I would say this even if the results were otherwise. There is still so much misinformation out there especially surrounding murky areas like oral sex, and I think we all benefit from a resource like this.

The weekend before last I was with friends at the OUTGAMES in Montreal. We assembled late at night in one of those all night cafes here (have u been to Montreal?). we started talking about sex and HIV and believe me there was so much misinformation, and fear, especially from organizations that are political and fear based and their message is still getting out, particularly surrounding oral.

Ever since my incident, I have only received oral, never given again. I personally do enjoy giving oral too but now have to decide if that is acceptable level of risk for me. The ideal would be a monogamous relationship, but thatís really an option for me right now.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

let me thank you for the great work that you do here each and every day. i am a regular visitor to this site and am familiar with the advice given and the lessons.

I am writing b/c i would like a quick reassurance about whether what i have done is risky. The rational side of me, the one that is using safer sex info to empower myself tells me that i was not at risk, but there is always the little devil, the anxiety that comes after an episode of casual sex. anyways, last night i met a guy and we agreed to have protected anal intercourse, with me being the bottom. Iam aware that this is the riskiest activity, which is why i insisted and we agreed on condoms and lots lots of lube.

i noticed half way through sex that the condom had rolled up, meaning that while i could touch that it was there, there was a portion of his penis, from the base to about half of his manhood which was uncovered. Now, the rational side of me tells me that what matters is that the "head of his penis" was covered, which in this case it was at all times. I have also seen in porn movies that the condoms do move up or roll up a bit.

Be that as it may, i asked him not to shoot inside, to pull out and shoot on me (ie shoot on me, not in me). When he pulled out, i was able to confirm that the head of his penis was covered along with a portion of his manhood from the head down. He came outside, NOT inside. This happened on two occasions.

Yes, i have been reowning my sexuality and arming myself with info in the past little while, so there is always that anxiety. Based on the info i know, i think that i was not at risk for HIV in this incident. Would you concur? IS testing warranted over THis particular incident? i test regularly anyways and intent to do so every 3 months, but want to know the risk associated with this particular experience.

Also, is it normal during sex, given its mechanics, that the condom rolls up a bit?

Not to get to graphic, i was so anxious that i could not sleep, so i woke up in middle of the night and went to the trash and took the condoms with me to the washroom to examine them. there was not tear or anything.

Yes, a condom rolling part way up is a normal occurrence and NO, it is not a risk. As you yourself noted, it's the head of the penis that matters and keeping a barrier between the other guy's cum and the inside of your body (rectum). You've done everything right, now keep up the good work, including your routine testing. Just make sure it's a complete sexual health care check up, because the other STIs are much more easily transmitted.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

hi, my situation might be similar to one below but i would like to have ur confirmation. on sun i went home with another guy. since i dont do "intercourse' because i dont want to take those risks (even with condom) we just fooled around. Since i have read that semen , though infectious, is safe when it comes to contact with unbroken skin, (ie the saying come on me not in me) we decided to spice things up by coming on each other. first time, he came on my chest, which is no concern to me as i had no cuts there. second time the next morning, he came on my bum (not anus area). i did not worry much about it, until today when i noticed i had something ressembling a paper cut in /around anal area. iam concerned some of the cum may have dripped down there and i might have become infected. Still, i have heard that hiv does not trasnmit through skin (epithelial cells). just want to know if this is something to worry about.\thnks for ur replies and merry christmass

The skin is an excellent barrier against hiv and other pathogens. Even when there are small, superficial cuts or abrasions you don't need to worry. The body is a fantastic machine and the skin in particular begins to heal itself almost immediately after damage occurs. If he came into a deep, FRESH gash, then you might have cause for concern, but a paper-type cut? No way. You can relax.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

anyways, this is in reply to my earlier post about the possiblity of cum from other guy to have come in contact with what i described as a paper cut type lesion in or around anal area.

right now, though i feel better, iam thinking that that lesion may have been a case of anal herpes. i know we dont play the guessing game here and only a doctor can diagnose such a thing. iam waiting for the holidays to be over to see a doctor, although lesion already healing.

anyways, although i would not be thrilled if i had caught herpes, iam much more worried about hiv. i have read that the presence of herpes lesions does increase manifold the rsk of catching hiv. my lesion could fall into the category of a shallow ulcer, ie red and tender, painful but certainly not bleedling. i dont know if it is herpes or just the result of coarse wiping or what.

anyways, i have also read from san fransisco's dr. k forum that he does not know of any case of someone contracting hiv from cum coming into contact with unbroken skin, blood to blood and blood to unbroken skin yes, but not cum. so now i dont know if this possibility changes my situation. am i still ok or should i have pause for concern? either way i will test shortly for both anyways, as this is nothing to guess about, i just thought i was doing things right and trying to protect myself by keeping sex to outer not intercourse. anyways. hope you can clarify this for me.

You picked a bad day to be impatient. Most of us have been busy and away from our computers.

I'm not really sure what you're asking. I will tell you this though, I still don't think you've had a risk. I think you're allowing your mind to exaggerate this sore on your bum, it started out as a paper cut type thing and now you're talking ulcers?

The bottom line here is that you should be testing regularly anyway, at least once a year and more often if you're very sexually active or if you have unprotected intercourse. If testing is the only way to put your mind at ease, then test and collect what I fully expect to be a negative result.

And by the way, blood on unbroken skin is NOT a risk for hiv infection.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

let us assume that the paper type crack was herpes. it is red line, tender and very painful. there is no blood, just red crack. i have read that anal herpes manifest that way. they are described as shallow ulcers. i think i have one of those. i guess my question is if, assuming iam currect and i have that, would i have been exposed to hiv risk?\\

iwill certainly test anyways but just wanna know the xtent of my risks. ig uess i ask b/c they said that the presence of herpes does increase hiv risk, are thy referrring where sores are internal or external as well.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

well, i wanted to inform everyone that i tested yesterday(feb 2, 2007) for hiv/stds and that my results through the rapid test were negative. i was not worried as iam always careful and have used the info here not to scare myself shitless, but to empower myself and have safe fun.

i want to thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for the thankless job that you guys do here. and this goes out personally to the one and only miss ann, andy, rapid, J and everyone else who responds to these forums with great insight. You have no idea how much difference you make in people's lives. Sure, one can always call some hotline or something, but to have caring, informed people almost 24/7 answering the "what ifs" questions, the kind that drives you crazy, thats priceless i think.

i am a regular visitor to this site and i learn a great deal to the responses you give to other people's questions as well as my own. thank you once again for the amazing work.

i want to first thank you all for taking the time to read my post and hopefuly getting some asnwers. this website has been an invaluable source of safer sex info for me.

anyhoo, i am in a very difficult situation. Just a few hours ago i had an encounter with a casual partner. We had anal sex and i was the bottom. We both insisted on condoms and lots and lots of lube. Throughout the act, i checked several times to ensure the condom was on and it was.

He did not come and in fact at some point was going "soft", which is when he pulled out. At that point, he says he noticed that it felt differently and we both noticed that the condom has rolled out of his penis and it was left inside me . i had to take it out myself. As mentioned earlier, he did not cum.

after the incident, we very maturely discussed what had just happened and what concerns/insecurities we both had. I know one cannot trust an individual, particularly a very casual partner, with what they say and that those statements are not based on science. the only way to tell one's status is via a test and not heresay or whatever. i will test in 6 weeks. He assured me that he too was concerned and that he is hiv negative.

i told him i was concerned/afraid and that i would not judge him b/c it had been an accident BUT that since there was the possibility of getting PEP, i wanted to carefully weigh my options. He said he is always extremely careful and just tested neg for hiv about a month ago, and that i have nothing to worry about. he was worried about me and i reassured him of the same. I know none of this has any basis in science and that only a conclusive test at the appropriate time can establish that and as i said, i will take the test in 6 weeks.

since it is only been a matter of hours, i was wondering what you thought my chances of contracting HIV based on this incident are and whether you feel that PEP is warranted.

My sane side tells me that since there was no ejaculation and since i was protected for most of the act except when he pulled out, that i should be ok even if he was positive and that PEP is not warranted. BUt you know, how your mind gets you all worried. i will test anyways though but given that PEP is highly toxic but also that it has to be done fairly soon after the fact, i wanna know if you think it is warranted.

When withdrawing a penis, especially when that penis has gone soft, you need to hold on to the base of the condom. It's quite common for the condom to slip off if you do not do this. However, just because the condom slipped off during withdrawal does not mean you had unprotected intercourse. You did not.

While I understand this incident frightened you, you were not at risk. Make sure your tops always hangs on to the condom while withdrawing so you don't scare yourself silly again.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

as always thank you for reading my post and hopefully offering some risk assessment.

this is just another twist on my previous post. I had said that the condom that the guy was wearing has rolled out inside me as he was pulling out. BUt i run into him on the street yesterday and we were both worried and he said to me that the reason he pulled out is that he felt a change, as in it felt different inside me all of a sudden which is why he checked and pulled out. he said it would have been no more than 5-10 seconds and he reassures me that he did not ejaculate (i know that too , i would have known). he also assures me that he is negative and we exchanged contact info and sat down and talked about it. ( i know that only my results are indication of my status, everything else is just fluff. BUT iam just saying).

so, i just wanted to know if your initial assessment still stands or if PEP is warranted. i have until tomorrow (the 72 hour period) to start it but i just wanted to know if this new twist changes things. thank you kindly.

Are you now saying the condom was broken? You're not very clear as to what happened. If the condom was hanging out of you when you pulled it out, then it came off during withdrawal and you're worrying needlessly. If it was in shreds or you had to dig it out of your bottom, then you had a very slight risk but you do not need PEP under the circumstances.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

the condom was NOT torn/broken or in shreds. BUT i did have to dig it out of my with my fingers. When the guy pulled out and we could not find the condom anywhere, i had to go inside myself and dig it out. there were no fluids in the condom and he did not ejaculate. also, i and him checked for presence of condom several times throughout and condom was in place. so as he says, i just felt different for 5-10 seconds, which is the reason he checked and pulled out.

also, ann i dont know what you meant when you said: the condom was hanging out of you when you pulled it out?". sorry for nitpicking. again, i did not have to reach very far in me to get it out, it just actually quitye close to the entrance inside. but i did have to get out from inside me with my fingers.

I already told you what I think. "If it was in shreds or you had to dig it out of your bottom, then you had a very slight risk but you do not need PEP under the circumstances."

You can test over this incident if you like, but if you do, consider it just one of the routine check-ups you're supposed to be having. You're unlikely to have become infected over this brief incident.

On reading the extra comments you just posted, it sounds like the condom was pulled up inside you by suction when he withdrew. Make sure your tops hold on to the darn things in future when they do that.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

iam absoultely totally stressed out and concerned ( as i knew i would be). is going to be very hard for me for the next 6 weeks but i will try to stay productive and not drive myself to the brink. i spoke to a nurse in an emergency hotlin ein my province and she also did not think PEP was warranted. i guess iam so scared now because the 72 hours would have passed and now i ran out of options. all i can do is resign myself and wait.

i really thank Ann for her encouraging comments and support. iam not trying to bypass anyone, i just feel extremely freightened and concerned and hopeless and very scared for my future. what bothers me th emost is that i thought i was actually doing the right thing by protecting myself. iam terrified right now. and although this sounds self-indulgent on my part, i wish i could hear from other moderators the same reassuring words that Ann issued, not because i doubt she was right, but b/c right now iam just so stressed and scared. Iam afraid my insides may have come in contact with pre-cum during those brief seconds. all of it is very scary.

Please do not PM me or other members of the forum to address your concerns. Were there anything relevant to your situation not covered by Ann or others, I would have addressed it.

Insofar as PEP is concerned, 72 hours is not a magic number. It is a general and broad estimate. Moreover, there is much evidence that PEP should be taken within 24 hours to be considered truly effective. 72 hours is an outlier, not a firm boundary.

Personally, as you mention that the 72 hour period ends in less than 4 hours from now, I would submit that the PEP ship has sailed in your case. Not to sound callous, but were you legitimately concerned, rather than waste time soliciting advice online, you would have gone to a hospital and been assessed.

Having been to this site for such a long time, I cannot believe that you are unaware of the inappropriateness of the PM feature to solivit responses, nor can I believe that you are unaware of the procedures for PEP.

As everyone has told you that PEP is not warranted in your situation (more to the point, it's too late for any realistic consideration), I am genuinely puzzled as to why you solicited my advice as well. Were I to disagree with the moderators, I would not hesitate to speak up.

Logged

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

wow. iam so sorry . my intention was never to upset or disrespect the forum. i wont pm you or anyone anymore. i think i did the right thing by coming here within hours of my incident and calling a hotline within 24 hours and both assessments reccomended that i not take PEP. iam sorry if my nerves got the best of me. yes, my nerves. i know i ama longtime visitor here and i know that iam well read on these thigns and i still felt so worried i irritated you with my PMs as the so-called loose deadline approached.

is that so unrealistic to think someone who is a little scared might do something a little silly or annoying?

but again, my apologies to you as i have the most respect for this forum and the work you do.

You need to read this thread.. You should have read it by now. We take people mis-using the PM function on this website very seriously. Do it again and be banned.

Your anxiety over this situation is all out of proportion to your actual risk, which is essentially nil. That means no real risk.

Please don't attempt to use this forum as your daily hang-wringing platform, because that just won't be allowed to happen. I suggest you stay off internet hiv sites until you test. If you cannot do that, then maybe it's time you sought counseling to deal with your hiv-related anxiety. We cannot help you with that here.

Please re-read your entire thread before posting again. Chances are the question you want to ask has already been answered.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

thank you for the work you do here. i often visit this site from time to time and continue to benefit from the great info you always provide. iam now asking for your opinion as t whether you feel that PEP is warranted in my present circumstances. I understand that this most recent posible exposure is similar to my previous post, BUT rest assured i did follow all instructions and empowered myself with info, so this was really just a flook.

anyways, about 12 hours ago, i met with a casual partner and, as i had not tried bottoming in a while, decided to engage in protected anal intercourse as the receptive partner. A condom was used as well as tons and tons of lube. we tried several positions, often having the partner pull out of me and re-insert in the other position. at all times, the integrity of the condom was not compromised because i would touch it and see it to ensure it was there/

anyways, our last foray was with me on top. we did that for a little bit (a few mins). As far as i was concerned i could feel the condom down there by touching it with my hands. As we were ready to switch again, my partner pulled put. this is the murky part, because (no, neither one of us was under the influence of anything) everything is foggy from that part onwards.

he tells me that when he pulled out, the condom (the top part which as i later checked was intact-the part tht protects the head and a significant portion of what constitutes the body of the condom) appeared to be hanging out of my anus, while the bottom part, which contains the elastic, looked like what Andy has so eloquently described a a fringed hoola, meaning the condom had broken in two, not spit or anything. so the part convering the head of the penis and a significant portion below was still intact.

anyways, we both freaked out. I know this is just circumstantial, but he assures me i had nothing to worry about and that the condom was always there. MOST IMPORTANTLY, he assures me and i later confirmed that he did not EJACULATE inside and he tells me that he is not a heavy licker at all. but again, the part that covers the head was not broken anyways.

obviosuly,iam trying to make decisions without getting too frantic and as a responsible and mature person. iknow i was in a similar situation before and i came out ok, but nothing is a guarrantee and i do like to protect myself and not have to be in this scary grey zone. as it has only been 12 hours or so, less than 24, iwant to know whether yu think this warrants PEP/

Look, if the head of his penis was covered and he didn't ejaculate then the likelihood of you being infected is essentially nil. PEP is usually given where there was been a clear exposure and one of the partners known to be HIV positive.

So no, I wouldn't recommend PEP in this situation. I would recommend you be tested for HIV in three months more as a technicality than anything else.

If you do decide to undertake PEP (and can find a doctor who will prescribe it) you should be aware that the three month window period commences from the day you stop taking the medication. Most courses of PEP are 28 days long.

matty, thank you for the prompt reply. no, i do no wish to undertake a toxic course of meds if it is not warranted under the circumstances, that swhy i posted. but i thank you for the quick reply . and yes, i do intend to test over thisbut was just wondering whether this merited PEP.

just curious to know what would make a situation worthy of pep. as i said, i do understand that it is not to be taken lightlyand that few will precribe PEP. But i also understand that the PEP boat sets sail after a certain time so it would be very reasuring if one of you could respond.\

i just called a health hotline in my area (a north american city) and the nurse definitly told me that if the slightest doubt about possibly contracting HIV that she would warrant PEP in my case and she is referring me to a clinic. iam confused and scared now