Al Qaeda claims responsibility for Go Compare and Moonpig adverts

The latest Al-Jazeera broadcast of the world’s most wanted man, portrays a distinct shift away from violent terrorism, and a movement toward mental torture

In the broadcast, Bin Laden reveals that he commissioned Price Waterhouse to analyse known practises that offer the best mind-altering results. Out of the window went heroin, smack and opium (even the rumour of this has had a devastating effect in Afghanistan)

The results have thrown up an advertising factory that exports jingles and adverts to the Western world. For an age, UK and US intelligence were oblivious but these jingles carried subliminal messages rendering rational thought, and ultimately defence, completely useless.

The effect of the Go Compare and Moonpig adverts on the UK public was devastating. Swathes of people found themselves with no recollection of the previous 45 seconds, many household accidents occurred and hospitals became swamped with burn victims, trip injuries and many more minor ailments but the cumulative effect was devastating

The CIA uncovered this threat but was slow to react. However MI6 has now uncovered Al Qaeda’s latest weapon, Webuyanycar.com (any, any, any) and is retaliating with an ever growing series of Compare the Meerkat adverts as an antidote. Military televisions are now permanently tuned to BBC1 to prevent long term infection

Today the British government increased its Terror Advert Threat to “High chance of vomit” after intelligence revealed further attacks planned with a Gold Blend mini-drama and a new wave of badly dubbed air freshener adverts