Hungry for More: Romantic Fantasies for Women - just published! With stories by Tiffany Reisz, Greta Christina, D.L. King and more. 21 fantasies, from "Kitchen Slut" to a cougar to Craigslist sex to BDSM to bukkake to watching two men get it on, and more!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

My latest column - hope you like it. I have an addendum that I forgot (though probably wouldn’t have had room for). Another kind of submissive I’m not is one who likes to extend D/s stuff into real life, to the extent that they get blurred. To me that detracts from actually enjoying D/s. It can be a challenge not to let that happen, from either side, and I know from experience how harmful that can be for me. But, like with all things, I cannot change the past, can only try to live better/smarter now. For next time I am hoping to write about sex culture as opposed to my life. New me new me new me!

From the column:

I rarely take Internet quizzes to tell me what kind of personality I am, whether it’s which Sex and the City character or which dessert I most resemble, but I recently found one extremely intriguing: the submissive scale that my fellow SexIs writer Rachel Rabbit White posted on her website, which I highly recommend checking out whether you’re into kink or not (or aren’t sure).

The questions it asks are ones that could not only be fodder for fiction, but for introspection. I loved that, somewhat akin to the Kinsey scale of sexual orientation, the seven matrices of submission scale isn’t just asking us to pick a side, but to delve into the nuances of BDSM and submission, specifically. It doesn’t assume that just because you’re into one activity that falls under the BDSM umbrella (say, being tied up, being owned, being beaten, whether involving pain or not, etc.) that you’re into everything that does. While the scale itself doesn’t ask you why you gave a given answer, that further exploration could lead to some very interesting results, whether you’re tallying them solo or with a (play) partner or potential partner.