“Quincy” wrote:“I’m a boy who is 16 years old and I have a chastity fetish. I already know that I like to be submissive when I have sex (I cross-dress in the closet but I want to during sex). I’m finding it extremely difficult to find people to date who are into the same kind of things that I am sexually. I wouldn’t really care but me being submissive is also a part of my personality and I want to be able to just be myself. I’m told that I’m attractive. I’m fairly smart (3.3 gpa) and play sports. I’m pretty shy and quiet but when people approach me I will talk. My question is, why can’t I find anyone who is into female domination and chastity? (I also want them to be decent, like no failing grades or anything). I feel like I won’t ever find anyone and I’m wondering if something is wrong with me.”

Liz says: How does a 16-year-old get the idea that you should’ve found someone “into domination and chastity” by now? You’re in your mid-teens, for crissakes!

Your teens and twenties are a period of intense growth, physically, mentally, and emotionally. It’s difficult finding someone with whom we are compatible, but throw in specific sexual kinks and that makes it a bit more strenuous. But with the passage of time comes new life experiences that not only help us develop as whole people, they lead us to someone ideal for us as romantic partners. In other words, slow down! There is plenty of time for you to find compatible partners.

Females take a bit more time, generally speaking, to discover themselves sexually and to learn what they like. Most teenagers, let alone girls, are not going to be self-aware enough to acknowledge whether or not they’re “into dominating” guys. Many are probably totally unaware this kink even exists!

This is a part of who you are now, but that may or may not change as you get older. I suggest you focus on your education and making friends, and one day you’ll be with someone who understands you, accepts you, and loves your preferences.

So don’t internalize your dating difficulties by thinking there is “something wrong” with you. It will all work out 😉

Pretty confusing time of life for many in every society. Unfortunately most societies don’t have much empathy for this and many who seem to do so conditionally or even worse. In many ways I am glad I don’t have to go through it all again and aside from depression which got bad apparently I was popular and had everything going for me. Now days I am grateful that my cat of 13 years not only isn’t interested in the story but she doesn’t even believe I once did the things I did. Guys at the footy club don’t want to know and even the drunks at the club propping the bar up told me that if I ever drank there they would have to boot me out because they reckon I would have been bad… and they are grateful for what I do now. Bless the people we meet every day. Life is beautiful if you stay in it. Hope you are going well Liz