Telegraph Wonder Women mothers: What I've said (and not said) to my children about the Woolwich attack

Telegraph Wonder Women columnists Laura Perrins, Cathy Newman, Beverley
Turner and Anna White – all mothers to children of varying ages –
explain how they are talking (or not) to their young boys and girls about
the Woolwich attack.

The wedding of murdered Woolwich soldier Lee James Rigby to Rebecca Metcalfe in October 2007 and (right) Michael AdebolajoPhoto: Ross Parry/ITV News

Laura Perrins, former barrister and stay at home mother with two small children who campaigns for Mothers at Home Matter.

Yesterday, for the first time in quite a while, I failed to buy any newspapers. I made a conscious decision that I would not expose myself nor my two young children – Annabelle, three and a half, and Matthew, one – to an image of a machete-wielding maniac. I accept Matthew would not have noticed, but Annabelle would have. I have a confession to make; I actively shield Annabelle from much of the horrors of the outside world. We do not have a television in any family space (she has never once seen the news – but she does watch a few cartoons when I say so), nor do I ever have any magazines that are known to make criticisms of women’s appearance in the house. After the horrific events in Woolwich I intend to keep it that way.

Is this irresponsible parenting? No doubt some would say yes. But already I can see Annabelle is a sensitive soul. Once she went to a play with her grandfather called “In a Pickle” that featured a Queen who had lost her baby; grandfather and Annabelle nearly had to leave as she got sad at the thought of a lost baby. Happily they stayed and baby was found, but if she got upset at this, I am not going to start explaining how a meat cleaver can be used for beheading a person.

Also, as I do not believe in actively lying to a child, I now endeavour to avoid situations where I would be untruthful or manipulative. I mean, how does a parent explain a photograph of a man holding two knives with blood pouring down both his hands? He is a bad man, but don’t be afraid anymore? He is bad man that butchered another person do death? He is a bad man but there are no other bad people out there? I really do not know where I would begin.

I know I cannot hold back the world forever but for now at least I can. It is not that I want to shield Annabelle from understanding death. She has already asked me when will I die, and I answered, not for a very long time (after I have spent all your inheritance). I would not pause at brining her to a funeral; death is a natural occurrence in life and I will teach her this.

But what occurred in Woolwich was not death; it was butchery and terrorism. I cannot begin to comprehend what the family of the victim, Drummer Lee Rigby of the 2nd Battalion, the Royal Regiment of Fusiliers, is experiencing now. His two year old son, Jack, has been robbed of a father he no doubt idolised and his world has been torn apart. If I cannot understand why these evil things happen, what hope have I in explaining them to a small child?

Cathy Newman, presenter, Channel 4 News

We had the Today programme headlines on at breakfast time yesterday morning. My eight year-old was fascinated and told my four year-old to be quiet so she could listen. The four year-old had a tantrum so none of us could listen.

But after that had subsided I explained how the Woolwich suspects had carried out an attack in the name of Islam. My eight year old, who has several close friends who are Muslims, immediately countered that Islam is a peaceful religion. That then led to a discussion about how people invoke religion for their own political ends.

It's usually hard to get through breakfast without the kids trading insults. So this outbreak of cerebral debate was something to celebrate. I doubt it'll happen again for a while.

Beverley Turner

This is how I explained it to my three kids: "Some people believe very strongly that their way of life is better than others. Some people believe this so strongly that it makes then incredibly angry and that anger makes them hurt other people – the people who are 'different' to them. This is what happened on September 11th when two planes flew into the towers in America.

"But on this occasion – in London – it seems that the men may have 'used' terrorism as an excuse to carry out a random act of violence. They probably weren't thinking about the hurt they would cause in the way that you, me and most of the people on the planet would. Something like this is very rare, very unusual and would have been very upsetting for all the people who watched the attack. The soldier who died worked hard to protect our country."

Anna White, the Telegraph's City Diary editor, currently on maternity leave with two twins

My father always taught me that one man's terrorist is another's freedom fighter. But, in the case of the heinous Woolwich murder, I don't believe this mantra applies. My twins are too young to understand what's happened, but as a new mother, if my kids were old enough, I would focus on the morality of the incident. I'd like to teach them that despite how strongly you feel about a cause, nothing justifies violence.