June 2008 has been a very trying month for me and my family. My father became terminally ill unexpectedly and went home to be with Jesus on June 11. It was a horrific illness called necrotizing fasciitis (or flesh eating bacteria), which I personally believe, is just another confirmation that the end times are upon us. We are already experiencing the beginnings of trouble, with nation coming against nation, and land against land: and a great lack of food, and deadly diseases, and natural disasters, in many different places. These are hard times to be sure, but they aren’t without the grace of Almighty God. I had a dream some time ago and I believe God spoke to me, telling me that even our “Bibles will be banned within twenty years.” Needless to say I believe that the next two decades will reveal an unprecedented time of trouble, “such as never was since the beginning of the world, nor ever will be.”

Some people don’t put much stock in dreams, and maybe it was “just a dream,” but then again, maybe it wasn’t just a dream. Maybe God still speaks to us in dreams as is well documented in Biblical passages. I believe God (the Holy Spirit) does sometimes reveal to us “things to come” and “things we know not of” as the Scripture teaches, if we are open to it. I’ve had many dreams that I believe were prophetic in nature, though I may not have interpreted them correctly at the first. Human error, and sin often gets in the way of us understanding the will of God, and I, for one, certainly am not without sin and error.

I came face to face with that fact during this time of trouble for my family. We had to decide whether or not to take Daddy off life support, which we all knew Daddy did not want to be on for any length of time. So Mama, and the four of us kids, decided to take daddy off the blood pressure medication and the ventilator, which we were told were steps in the process of taking “comfort measures” only. We were told by doctors, daddy would die within a few minutes. Well that didn’t happen so after a couple of days, I went home to get a shower and take a nap. When I returned that night, I had a late night gospel sing with daddy, as I knew he used to like to hear me sing the kids to sleep when we lived with them for a while. And afterwards, I noticed that one of the bags he had been getting was empty. I asked about it and the nurse told me they had not ordered any more antibiotics for daddy. The doctors and nurses explained to me that the antibiotics weren’t helping daddy and were not contributing to his comfort so I was ok with that after speaking with them. I then realized he was also nearly out of the food he was getting, so I asked about that too. The nurse said that the doctor had ordered no nutrition for daddy, either.

Learning this, I threw a fit, being taken totally by surprise, because I had asked the doctors earlier, if they meant by “comfort measures” taking daddy off food. I couldn’t get it out of my head how Terry Shiavo, the lady in Florida, had been starved to death for three solid weeks before she died. I couldn’t bear the thought of Daddy laying up there for an extended period of time with no nutrition. I just couldn’t fathom how being without nutrition was any comfort to daddy. After my upset they temporarily put daddy back on nutrition. The next day, Moma and us kids had a family conference, where I was told that daddy would be taken off the feeding tube. I was not told he could or would be fed any other way at that time. I felt that this was decided behind my back and that I had purposely not been told about it. I felt that, not only had daddy been betrayed, but I felt that I been betrayed by my own family, as well. Needless to say, it was not one of my most glorious moments, and I said some awful things to my brothers and sister. I said that they would burn in Hell for what they were doing.

I would like to think this was spoken out of righteous anger, but being the sinner that I am, I doubt that is true. Nevertheless, I know my anger was out of love for my daddy and not wanting to give up hope, because I knew in my heart that if it was God’s will, daddy would come out of this thing alive. It seemed to me as if everyone else had given up all hope and that they didn’t want him to pull through. They seemed to believe that my hope was false hope. I vowed to not eat anything until they fed daddy something. I went about two days with no food, except a strawberry or two I picked out of my garden. Then, out of the blue, my oldest daughter, Rose, who is atheist, said she wanted to take me to church. I went. And what do you suppose the preacher preached about, but asceticism. So I realized that I should not be making myself go without food for the reason I was doing it. I was not fasting for God, but for daddy. In any case, Rose poked me in the arm a couple of times and said “see Mom.” So I have to rejoice in that God even got an atheist in the church doors, even if for the wrong reason, and that God showed up in a very pertinent way in that service.

Daddy held out a few more days, and they finally gave him some broth and cranberry juice at Mama’s request. I got a phone call while mowing the yard, and had a halleluiah praise session with the Lord right there on the riding lawn mower with tears of joy streaming down my face. I later went back to the hospital to sit with daddy some more, but for fear of saying something else I shouldn’t, the Lord assured me that if I read the Word of God, then I couldn’t say anything wrong. So after having read to daddy the whole book of Proverbs, the book of Psalms, and half of the book of John, I went home, knowing I had done all I could do for daddy. I knew that daddy had heard me, if not audibly, in his spirit. He passed away the next day.

I pray with all my heart that the decisions that were made were the right ones and that we can be at peace about it. I have since come to realize that even if the decisions that made were the wrong ones, and that is not for me to judge, that the motives of my family were just as pure as mine, because they made those decisions out of love for daddy, and believed what they were doing was right for him. I have asked my brothers and sister to forgive me for the hateful words I said and I pray that they someday will if they have not done so already in their hearts. I hope that someday I will hear them say the words, but that’s between them and God. So I will end with saying, as I have always said, that forgiveness is the key to life. Sometimes it is a very hard thing to do, and we must pray for God to give us that strength when it is not in ourselves to do it. I have prayed for God to help me understand and forgive my brothers and sisters, and I have chosen to forgive them. We must all choose to forgive and the feelings of forgiveness will follow. Our emotions don’t always immediately follow our choice. And if the one who we forgive is repentant, then a reconciliation may take place. But if not, then the forgiveness on our part is done in the sight of God. I ask for prayer for my family as we seek to live our lives in such a way that it will bring glory to God. God Bless and go fish!

24[3-14] And as they sat on the Mount of Olives, the followers came secretly, asking the Christ, “Tell us when this will happen and how will we know of your second coming, and of the end of the world?” So Yeshua answered them, “Be sure that no one misleads you, because many will come in My Name, saying, ‘I am the Christ,’ misleading many people. And you’ll hear of wars and reports of more wars: but don’t be uneasy, because all this must happen, but it’s not the end of time yet. Because nation will come against nation, and land against land: and there will be a great lack of food, and deadly diseases, and natural disasters, in many different places. But all this is just the beginning of trouble. Then they’ll arrest you to be punished, and will kill you: and you’ll be hated by all nations because of My Name. And then many will be offended by Christianity, and will lie to one another, and will hate one another. And many untruthful preachers will come, misleading many people. And because wrongs will be greatly increased, many people won’t know how to love others. But whoever doesn’t give up, even to the end of time, those are the ones who will be saved. And when this New Word of the realm of God is told in all the world for a witness to all nations; then the end of time will come.

The Antichrist

[15-28] So when you see the antichrist, spoken of by Daniel, the great preacher, standing in the holy place, (whoever reads, let them understand), then let those who are in Israel escape into the mountains of Judea, and let those who are on the roof not come down to get any thing out of their homes, nor let those who are in the field go back to get their clothes. And those who are pregnant with babies, and those who are breastfeeding in those days will be torn away from their children and have great sorrow! But pray that you don’t have to run in the winter, nor on a Day of Worship, because at that time great troubles will come, like there’s never been since the beginning of time till now, no, nor ever will again. And unless those days are stopped short, no one would be saved: but for the sake of the chosen ones those days will be shortened. Then if anyone says to you, ‘Look, here is the Christ’, or ‘The Christ is there’; don’t believe it, because false Christs, and false teachers will come and do many amazing things; so that if it were possible, they would even mislead the chosen ones of God. But listen, I’ve told you the truth. So if they say to you, ‘The Christ is in the desert’; don’t go: or ‘The Christ is in a secret place’; don’t believe it, because as you see the lightning strike in the east, and flash even to the west; so you’ll see My coming. And when you see all the dead, you’ll see the buzzards gather.

The Powers of Heaven Shaken

[29-35] And right after all these troubles, the sun will become dark, and the moon won’t have any light, and the stars will fall from heaven, and all the heavenly bodies will be shaken out of place: And then the sign of My coming will appear in heaven, and all the families of the earth will cry, and they’ll see Me coming in the clouds of heaven with great power and bright light. And I will send My angels with a great sound of a trumpet, and they’ll gather together My chosen ones from every direction, from one end of heaven to the other. And now learn what the story of the fig tree means; When the branch of the fig tree is still tender, and puts out leaves, you know that summer is near: So you, too, when you see all this happening, know that the time of My coming is near, so very near. The truth is, the generation in which this happens won’t pass away, till everything I said happens. Heaven and earth will come to an end, but My words won’t ever die out.

Like a Thief in the Night

[36-51] But no one knows of that day and time, no, not even the angels of heaven, but only YAHWEH, My God. But as the days of Noah were, so too will My coming be. Just like the days before the flood, they were eating, drinking, and getting married, until the day that Noah went into the ark, And they didn’t know a thing until the flood came, and drowned them all; so too will My coming be. Then two people will be working in the field; one will be taken up, and the other left behind. Two others will be working at the plant; one will be taken up, and the other left behind. So watch, because you don’t know when your Christ will come! If the owners of a house had known the time the thief would come, they would have watched, and wouldn’t have let their house be broken into. So be ready, too, because I am coming when you least expect it. So then, who is a faithful and wise worker, who has been made overseer of the household, to give those of the household food at just the right time? Blessed is that worker, who when I come, I find doing My work. The truth is, that I will make them overseer over all My goods. But if there are workers who are evil and say in their hearts, the time is not yet; And begin to abuse their co-workers, and to eat and drink with drunks; The Owner will come in a day when they aren’t watching, and at a time that they won’t know of, and will cut them off, and will give them their due punishment in Hell with the other fakes: where they’ll be crying and clenching their teeth.

The Ten Virgins

25[1-13] The Realm of Heaven is like ten virgins, who took their lamps, and went out to meet the bridal party. And five of them were wise, but five were foolish. Those who were foolish took their lamps, but forgot to take oil with them: But the wise took oil in their bottles along with their lamps. And while they waited for the bridal party, they all fell asleep. And at midnight, someone called out: ‘The bridal party is coming; go out to meet them.’ Then they all got up, and started getting their lamps ready. But the foolish ones said to the wise ones, ‘Give us some of your oil; our lamps have gone out.’ But the wise ones said, ‘We can’t; there won’t be enough for us and you: go buy some for yourselves.’ And while they went to buy some, the bridal party came; and those who were ready went in with them to the marriage ceremony and the door was shut. Then the other virgins came later, saying, ‘Open the door, Open the door.’ But the one who opened the door answered, ‘The truth is, I don’t even know who you are.’ So watch, because you don’t know the day or the hour that I’ll come.

The Traveling Owner

[14-30] And heaven is like an Owner traveling to a far away country, who called the workers giving them everything to manage. And one was given five valuable coins, to another, two, and to another, one; to each one of them for their different abilities; and then the Owner left soon afterwards. Then the one who had gotten the five coins went and traded with the coins, and got five more coins. And the one who had gotten two, gained another two, as well. But the one who had gotten only one went and dug a hole in the ground, and hid the Owner’s money. So after a long time the owner came, and took account of them. And so the one who had gotten five coins came and brought the other five coins also, saying, ‘Boss, You gave me five coins and I’ve gained five more coins.’ The owner said, ‘Well done, you’re a good and faithful worker: you’ve been faithful over a few things, so I’ll make you manager over many things: Come into My house and celebrate with Me.’ And the one who had gotten two coins came saying, ‘Boss, You gave me two coins and I’ve gained two more coins beside them.’ And the owner said, ‘Well done, you’re a good and faithful worker; you’ve been faithful over a few things, so I’ll make you manager over many things: Come into My house and celebrate with Me.’ Then the one who had gotten one coin came saying, ‘Boss, I knew you that you were a hard person, making profit from others, and collecting from where others have done business: So I was afraid, and went and hid your coin in the earth: See, here is what’s yours.’ So the owner answered said, ‘You are a bad and lazy worker, you knew that I make profit from others, and collect from where others have done business: So you should have put My money in the bank, and then at My coming I would have gotten My own with interest. Take the coin from this worker, and give it to the one that has ten coins.’ So to everyone that has earned something, more will be given, and they’ll become rich: but from those who haven’t earned anything, even what they have will be taken away. And the unprofitable worker will be put into the blackest darkness: where they’ll be crying and clenching their teeth.

The Judgment of the Good and the Bad

[31-46] And when I come in My victory, and all the holy angels with Me, then I’ll sit on My throne of glory: And all nations will gather to Me: and I will separate them from one another, as a Keeper divides one kind of animal from another: And I will put the good ones on My right side, but the bad ones on the left. Then I will say to those on the right side, ‘Come, you who are blessed of My God, inherit the realm of God prepared for you from the beginning of the world: Because I was hungry, and you gave Me food: I was thirsty, and you gave Me drink: I was a stranger, and you took Me in: Naked, and you clothed Me: I was sick, and you visited Me: I was in prison, and you came to Me. Then those who do good will answer, saying, ‘Christ, when did we see You hungry, and feed You? Or thirsty, and gave You something to drink? When did we see You as a stranger, and take You in? Or naked, and clothe You? Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ And I will answer and say to them, ‘The truth is, as much as you’ve helped one of the least of these My children, you’ve helped Me.’ Then I will say to those on the left hand ‘Go away from Me, you cursed ones, into the everlasting fire, which was prepared for the devil and the evil spirits: because I was hungry, and you gave Me nothing to eat: I was thirsty, and you gave Me nothing to drink: I was a stranger, and you didn’t take Me in: naked, and you didn’t clothe Me: sick, and in prison, and you didn’t visit Me.’ Then they’ll also answer, saying, ‘Christ, when did we see You hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and didn’t help You?’ Then I will answer them, saying, ‘The truth is, as much as you didn’t help one of the least of these, you didn’t help Me.’ And these will go away into everlasting punishment: but those who did right will go into everlasting life.”

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About mamaheartfilled

I am a mother of eight wonderfully challenging children and nine grandkids, of whom I am very proud. I am also a bi-vocational ordained evangelical minister, and a Christian Counselor. I received my B.S. degree in 2004, studying primarily in the areas of Psychology, with minors in Religion and English. I received my Masters Degree in 2009 in Psychological Counseling with an emphasis in Christian Counseling. I have endeavored to paraphrase the Bible, both Old and New Testaments, for the last ten years or so and am working on a final edit, now. It is my hope that it will be of some use in the great commission of Christ. My ministry is primarily geared toward victims of sexual and domestic violence, including victims of childhood sexual abuse, whether currently or in the past. Since I have personally experienced the healing hand of God in overcoming many of the life issues that Christians may face, I feel qualified and compelled to discuss them in a truthful and open manner, as God’s word tells us that “We shall know the truth and the truth shall set us free.” God has brought me through such diverse tribulations as sexual, physical, and mental abuse, being a victim of a drunk driving accident, spousal pornography addiction, adultery, divorce, remarriage, a very brief, though unjust, incarceration, and having experienced multiple miscarriages and various other trials. I have been asked to leave two Southern Baptist Churches, due to my being a female, ordained as a minister, and fired from a SBC sponsored Christian School (mostly white) for speaking out against racial prejudice in the Family of God. Through God’s merciful forgiveness of my own sins and inadequacies and God’s grace given to me to forgive those who have been a stumbling block to me, I have overcome many of these adversities. God’s word tells us that “All things work together for good to those who love the Lord and are called according to the purposes of God." Since I have this hope, I believe that God has blessed me with the ability to confront and relate these issues to the Christian community around the world. I hope to be able to use my personal experiences as a ministry of God’s grace and in the comforting of the people of God with the truth of God's mercy. I claim II Corinthians 1: 3 & 4 as my calling, which states: “Blessed be God, the Origin of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Origin of mercies, and the God of comfort; who comforts us in all our troubles, that we may be able to comfort those who are in trouble, by the comfort we ourselves have been given by God.” As I have received the gift of God’s healing, I hope to be able to bring the peace beyond understanding to others with the message of God’s mercy and grace. My love for the Sovereign Lord of my life, Jesus Christ, along with my passion for writing has drawn me to explore these commonly experienced crisis issues from the perspective of my own experience in the hope that I may bring an empathetic and compassionate insight to God’s people. I am now a published author and have several books in publication, including my autobiography, "A Little Redneck Theology." The views expressed in my writings are strictly my own insights, acquired from personal experience and diligent study of the related topics and God’s word concerning them. Though I am an ordained minister, my views should not be considered authoritative. I believe that the Christian community’s ultimate authority is the guidance of the human heart by the Holy Spirit and the Word of God.