►All a-Twitter: Phil, why the suck-up story (about the mayor’s Twitter travails)? The mayor must have something on you. If the goon squad showed up at your house and arrested you for a story he didn’t like, would you feel the same?

I’m not sure how the column — which pointed out that the overreaction cast Peoria in poor light nationally — was a “suck-up.” Regardless, if the mayor were to send cops to my house for every column he didn’t like, I’d probably have to build them a guest quarters.

►No twit: With all the problems he has had, why in the world does Jim Ardis have a Twitter account? I do not have a Twitter account, nor do I have a Facebook account. There are, frankly, people out there that I really don’t want to know where I am, mainly female. My doctor tells me that at 81, I will still live a long time — as long as I don’t get shot by a jealous husband or an angry wife. I always follow my doctor’s instructions. — Wally

With stories like that, you really DO need to start Twitter and Facebook accounts.

►Paging Albert Einstein: Oh, my gosh: 110 years (of age, for Eureka resident Mae Schrock). I am at 81. I want to live as long as I can but not that long. I have seen about as much change as I can take. Things are changing so fast now. Or is it me? Am I moving slower?? — Gene

You pose an interesting thought regarding relativity: If everything else moves faster, thus making us seem to be moving ever more slowly, at some point do we move backwards and get younger?

►Mmm, Jack sauce: Hey, Jack in the Box gut: Can’t you make the dimwits that run the PJStar website stop with all the stupid, worthless popups? — Sal

Page 2 of 2 - Wow. It’s a rare email where “stupid” and “worthless” didn’t refer to me. But you’re wrong about something important: the gut is by Burger King.

►Spark of change: I enjoyed your column on Sparky Lyle and the sad changes in baseball. When I grew up there were eight teams in each league. You knew the players on the other teams. Now, with your team playing fewer division games, you don’t know your opponents, let alone the interleague opponents. With free agency you don’t even know the players on your own team. — Charles

The players? I don’t think I even know all the teams anymore. How are the Montreal Expos doing this year?

►Readers remember the weirdest things: Did your Sparky Lyle interview outrank your (2006) interview with Anne Murray? I can’t believe that! I’m sure you were sweating and vomiting from being so nervous before you got to interview with the great Anne Murray! — Ron

Seriously, Ron, after reading a letter like that, I can conclude only this: one of us needs medicine. Make mine a double.