Tuesday, August 23, 2011

I am a commitment phobe.
I really am, countless times I have yearned and yearned for a stable relationship, for love that is everlasting and all those fairytale notions.. and whenever I think "okay, this is it!" the guy I am with finds an excuse to break up with me, or I drive him to break up with me.

(I rarely ever broke up with anyone in fear of the chance of them being the one..)

Why have I driven them to break up with me, you ask? Because I think of all the possibilities and options and alternative lives I could be living when I am stuck with this one person for what might seem to be forever. (but grown up Sara knows there is no such a thing as forever, there is only for as long as I can, and for as long as I am willing to and other grey statements that provide no guarantees)

I have a fear of marriage, it took me a good while to realize that. As much as I want to get married, it scares the living hell out of me. It turns me into this little girl sitting in her bed, to scared to move because it's dark, and because mummy said there was a big bear living behind the AC vents and that the big bear is watching me, waiting for me to fall asleep. (My mother used to actually say that)

I met this guy and we went on an extremely random date maybe four days to a week after we first met. it was so random and carefree and just....perfect. It lasted for 14 hours.

A fourteen hour first date.

And after our second date, we were officially a couple.

I am not going to say he cured my fear of marriage, I am not going to say that I am no longer scared of commitment, I do..I do and I have learnt to admit that it is normal, it is something everyone goes through, but they're just too scared to admit it. (right?)

I am going to say, however, that I almost have nothing to worry about when I am with him. He has a beautiful, beautiful soul; his issues, and his obsessions and everything about him have all worked so well into shaping this beautifully imperfect human being.

A beautifully imperfect human being that has proposed to me, on one knee, without even saying the rather scary M-word.

I stopped the 26 days of extraordinary. I have a really good excuse for my doing that - I promise.

But first things first:

I have been really busy lately, with things to do, tuition fees to pay, staying up late and going to the gym and going out with cousins I haven't been hanging out with in a really long time (granted you called my cousin a slut when you don't even know her, I will forgive you.)

I will also forgive you for never doing the effort to see me, ever. Or never giving me "best friend" time. Because, yes, it has been bothering me.

BUT.

I owe you an apology, and here is you public apology for my not showing up yesterday, Menna. I hope that makes it up for you.

Because, you see, I want to keep you there forever and things, and I won't lose you over some silly thing I did (I haven't lost you over much more serious things so I am not willing to do this now, you see?)

When other (or rather all other) people seem more important than I am, I try to make myself remember that this is not the case, or could be but they are more fun, or that they're just "there" when I am not. (but I really am, or so I would like to believe)

This is a whiny post, or rather an open letter because I needed to vent and stuff.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

I feel like it's time for me to do that again. Tomorrow is a rather important day for Egypt, it's Mubarak's trail. I am not getting any hopes up. I am not looking forward to it. I am almost certain he is not going to show up.

That's all I have to say about that.

Today I didn't do anything extraordinary per se but I pampered myself a bit and I went to the hairdresser's (which I don't do that often) and I got my hair trimmed. I am thinking of maybe getting some highlights?

What do you think?

Excuse my looking tired, let me explain;

During ramadan, I sleep at maybe 3:30 am, I wake up at 7:30 am (or at least try to) since I have to be at work at 8:30, the ramadan work day ends at 1:30, and I - while fasting - go to the gym. Two hours later I am finally home and I sleep for the remaining 1-2 hours and wake up when it's time to break the fast. And that photo was taken at 12 am today (it's now 2 am)

Here's what it looked like before (only because I love this photo!)

So yeah, that was my not so extraordinary thing for today. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow (wish me luck?)

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

"Twenty Six Days of Extraordinary" is my attempt at making the countdown to my birthday special and memorable. I love doing it, and I would love to read back on it one day.

I would love it if you guys contribute, share ideas, or do whatever it is with me.

Day one: I wrote a letter to Taylor. (which I still haven't sent yet! Tomorrow, I shall)

Today I also went out with my boyfriend and his family and I had so much fun! I love his family, they're great people. (His sister and mother are so beautiful!)

It's going to be hard making tomorrow extraordinary since le boyfriend is leaving to NY tomorrow - for a week though, so it's going to be okay right? Yeah, I know it will be.

It was the first day of Ramadan today as well, fasting means I don't get to have my morning coffee which means that I spend my morning pretty much zombified. Not good! But hey! we get a much shorter working day!

Get to know me

I am a sunny person.
I can be reckless, impulsive and dependent.
I can be stupid.
I cry. I am a happy soul. One that is random.
I want to keep records of my life for days to come, to show my children. And for those days when my memory fails me.
I believe in growing. And not growing up; you grow in all directions- not just up.
I believe in me.