After 29 years of marriage and reading numerous books on the secrets of being happily married, I’ve learned there are more ways to a man’s heart than through his stomach…….

(although that is a good start!)

I’ve learned, every man has 3 vital needs:

The need to feel loved…….romancing and desiring your husband makes him feel valued as a man.

The need to feel understood…..taking the time to listen to his thoughts and dreams without criticism. Proverbs 13:12 says “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.” Our husbands need for us to believe in them.

The need to feel significant and special….admiring, respecting and encouraging our husband gives him courage and strength. His identity is often wrapped up in what he does, (his vocation) and how well he provides for his family. Giving our husband a pep-talk will do wonders in helping him succeed in life. (Behind every great man is a wonderful woman!) Let him know that he is your hero.

These things bring life and vitality to our husbands.Here are my Be-Attitudes for a Happy Husband:

Be his cheerleader:“Kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.” Proverbs 16:24

Be…thankful: This Valentine’s day make a list of 10 things you are thankful for and appreciate about your husband, then remind him the whole year long. Affirm him. Admire him.

Be ….prayerful: Pray for your husband, his health, protection, joy, peace, your relationship and for his dreams and goals. Pray together everyday for each others needs, and watch your relationship grow stronger.

Be…..lovable: “It is better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome (crabby) wife in a lovely home”. Proverbs 21:9 Would’nt we all rather be around someone who is cheerful and sweet? Keep sweet.Be….the queen: treat him like a king and he will treat you like a queen. “Remember; a stingy planter gets a stingy crop; a lavish planter gets a lavish crop….God loves it when the giver delights in the giving.” 2 Corinthians 9:6-7 Be lavish with kind words, hugs, kisses, smiles, his favorite food and other things he loves, and don’t be surprised if he blesses you back!

Be…..specific: don’t ever assume your husband knows what you want. Seriously. Whether he is going to the grocery store, and you are expecting for him to return with a certain brand of something, or your birthday is around the corner and you are hoping for a cute new Brighton purse. As the Italian’s say…fugettaboutit! Trust me on this, or you just might be gifted with a scratchy-mauve-colored-polyester jogging-suit. Okay, first of all….. I don’t do mauve, (not a good color for me) secondly…a jogging suit? fugettaboutit! “Jogging” and I don’t really match. In other words…I’m not a joggy kind of girl. This happened many years ago, and, by the way, I did receive the gift graciously. Gary now knows that cash for a shopping spree is always a good choice, Bless his heart! Make it easy for him to please you by handing him a specific written list, whatever it is, (just telling him won’t do the trick, men cannot retain all of our details….and you know how detail-oriented we are girls! ) You will save yourself a lifetime of arguments and hurt feelings.Be….. his Friday night date: hire a babysitter, give her the job of caring for your kids on a set night each week. Gary and I did this for many years and I believe it had a lot to do to with keeping our marriage strong. It gives you something fun to look forward to and it allows you the freedom to enjoy each others company.Be…irresistable and dreamy:look your best for him.Think back, when you were first dating, how you would fix yourself up for him. Keep it up girls! A little lipstick (I’m thinkin’ Candy Store Pink), glimmering rosey blush on the cheeks, and black mascara to play up your eyes, go a long way to perk up a pale, tired face…hey, if the barn needs paintin’…and believe me, mine needs plenty O’ paint! Check out Benefit Cosmetics for something sassy and new to try. And of course….. a little somethin’-somethin’ from Victoria’s Secret also works.Be…fun: laugh together! Watch funny movies or T.V. shows together. Come on! Go have some fun why don’t ya!….play miniture golf….go get ice-cream (or in my case…Andy’s Frozen Custard!)…go fishing….put on some snazzy music and dance….go outside and throw some snowballs….play tag…go for a walk…go for a drive…stop at Starbucks…hold hands. Be….faithful: your romantic affections and flirting belong to your husband only.

“A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1

Be….realistic:we are responsible for our own happiness. Our husband cannot fulfill all of our needs. He wasn’t created to. There is a place in our heart that only God can fill. “Seek the Kingdom of God, above all else, and He will give you everything you need.” Luke 12:31. As women, we also need the friendship and fellowship of other women. We need girl-talk, something a man can’t do. So make time to be with your girlfriends, and give your husband space to do things he enjoys. Be….nurturing: throw away the attitude of “If he wants something, he can get it himself”. If you are fixing iced-tea or pouring a cup of coffee, ask him if he would like some….fix him his favorite snack……give him a neck rub….small acts of kindness warm the heart in a big way. Treat him the way you would want to be treated.

The secret of being lovely is being unselfish~Holland

Marriage has it’s ups and downs, good days and sad days, happy and mad days. It’s a continual process of loving, giving, helping, and forgiving. These words of advice I’ve shared with you are not always easy to do, but they are standards to strive for. Believe me, there are many days I fall way short. I need to work on my Be-Attitudes daily!!! But I know God will honor and bless us when we honor and bless our husband.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged.

1 Corinthians 13:4-5Let’s model for our children, how to love our spouse, because whether we like it or not, they are taking notes, which they will refer to one day, when they meet the love of their life.

39 Comments

Hi Ruthann, I found you through Domestic Chicky. I think that you and your blog are adorable. I subscribed immediately, and I guard my reader space, trust me! Just wanted you to know you’ve made a new Bloggy friend.Love, Alli aka- Mrs Fussypants

I’m a pastor’s wife, happily married to a happy husband for 30 years, and you are right on. My 2 favorite books are the Power of a Praying Wife and The Proper care and Feeding of Husbands. Well, they both make me aggravated when I read them, but they have changed many of my attitudes and my marriage. I see too many women whose husbands are looking elsewhere becuase they are not respected and cherished at home. Thanks for your thoughts. I bet you’ll have a Happy Valentine’s Day!

Ruthann-I found you from De (It’s About Annie)and I just wanted to say how much I love your blog!(Although Frank Sinatra scared the wax out of me when he started singing! LOL) I’ll be back for some more pie soon!p.s.- I would sell a kidney if I could get my pantry looking like yours! he he

Well said Ruthann – I appreciate you sharing these important and oh-so-very-true be-attitudes – they’re wonderful!! Being a newlywed again later in life, I can certainly attest to the importance of honoring your man that way. Once again, such a thoughtful, inspiring, encouraging post – thank you…

Well said Ruthann – I appreciate you sharing these important and oh-so-very-true be-attitudes – they’re wonderful!! Being a newlywed again later in life, I can certainly attest to the importance of honoring your man that way. Once again, such a thoughtful, inspiring, encouraging post – thank you…

Well said Ruthann – I appreciate you sharing these important and oh-so-very-true be-attitudes – they’re wonderful!! Being a newlywed again later in life, I can certainly attest to the importance of honoring your man that way. Once again, such a thoughtful, inspiring, encouraging post – thank you…

Well said Ruthann – I appreciate you sharing these important and oh-so-very-true be-attitudes – they’re wonderful!! Being a newlywed again later in life, I can certainly attest to the importance of honoring your man that way. Once again, such a thoughtful, inspiring, encouraging post – thank you…

Ruthann, your post is absolutely inspired and SUCH a good pre-Valentine’s day read! Thank you so much for your thoughtful words.For me personally on Vday there is nothing better than a warm, intimate dinner at home (as laid back as possible, in my opinion!) I just believe that it is so, soo important to have a day where you focus on your loved one and letting them know how much they mean to you. Just to let you, Ruthann, and all you other delightful ladies know, I just so happen to have the inside scoop on a fantastic contest about love and expressing love going on right now that you ladies should definitely take a quick peek at sometime; I work for Dove Chocolates (perfect for this time of year, huh? haha) and we have this contest going on right now called “Expressions of Love”, where we’re basically asking ladies like you to submit their most creative ideas for letting someone know you love them…and get this, the winner will receive a 5.58cts “Baby’s Breath” diamond necklace worth $21,000!! THAT would definitely be a nice trinket to open on Vday ;) I’d definitely love to have some ladies like you who really do care about Valentine’s day enter, so feel free to go to http://www.mydovechocolate.com and leave your most creative submission! We also have these ridiculously adorable customizable boxes of chocolates available for Vday this year, so if you’re trying to think of cute gift ideas, definitely take a look ;) Thank you ladies, hope you all have a wonderful Valentine’s Day, and let me know if you enter! :0) Thanks again for the great post Ruthann!

And that sure is true the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

I have been married to Ted for almost 22 years now, together 26 years. And I personally feel laughter has been one of the keys for us. We actually enjoy each others company. We make each other laugh, a lot.

Love your list! It reminds me of one of my favorite books…”The Power of a Praying Wife.” I love to take care of my husband, and I find that, in return, he respects, appreciates, and loves me all the more!! I think a lot of women, unfortunately for themselves and their husbands/families, believe that if they take care of their husband they will spoil him or he will come to expect it. They are missing out!! …The Golden Rule…

ohhhh, good info. there’s so many things on here i would like to take time to read, i need about another hour in the day and a yummy latte. love your pantry. i would love to know if you designed your own houseplans or how you went about receiving that pantry…smile. it’s so darling. i’ll come back!

You are….such a joy!! I L-O-V-E your blog!! What wonderful tips and reminders you have for our dear hubbies. I have been married for 20 years with two sons; you are never too “married” to learn new tricks and be reminded of the reasons he gave you butterflies in the first place. I am going to add you to my faves!!

I had to go back today and read some more. I am going to feature you in my blog tomorrow. I hope that is okay. Spread the Love (instructions & good reminders don’t come every day) You Blog will be my valentines gift to all of my blogger friends.

This year is our 25th year of marriage, and have learned through many trials and tribulations that all of what you said is true!! Just some days are better than others!! Thanks for all of your inspiring scriptures, I am writing them down to keep them handy for a quick reminder!!

Hi Ruthann! I love you’re blog! You’re inspirational posts have really blessed me as a wife and mother! I have a question for ya… I am looking for a warren Kimble pie plate like the one in some of you’re pics. do you have any idea where I can purchase one? I can’t find them anywhere!!! If you have a minute can you email me! Thanks! Marta

Hi Ruthann! I love you’re blog! You’re inspirational posts have really blessed me as a wife and mother! I have a question for ya… I am looking for a warren Kimble pie plate like the one in some of you’re pics. do you have any idea where I can purchase one? I can’t find them anywhere!!! If you have a minute can you email me! Thanks! Marta

Hi Ruthann! I love you’re blog! You’re inspirational posts have really blessed me as a wife and mother! I have a question for ya… I am looking for a warren Kimble pie plate like the one in some of you’re pics. do you have any idea where I can purchase one? I can’t find them anywhere!!! If you have a minute can you email me! Thanks! Marta

Hi Ruthann! I love you’re blog! You’re inspirational posts have really blessed me as a wife and mother! I have a question for ya… I am looking for a warren Kimble pie plate like the one in some of you’re pics. do you have any idea where I can purchase one? I can’t find them anywhere!!! If you have a minute can you email me! Thanks! Marta

Hi Ruthie,
I am wondering when you will share with your readers a private tour of your home? I have been waiting so long to see more than just your lovely kitchen and family room shots. Having said this, there is so much eye candy going on in the kitchen it is a pleasure just to focus on that room alone! Will you be showing us more of your home? I would expect everyone is waiting like me!
LOVE your website!
Hugs,
Cheryl

Hi Ruthann,
Just a note to let you know you’re such an encouragement to others. I like all your Be-Attitudes; it is important to have the Lord at the center of your marriage! Hubby and I just celebrated our 37th Anniversary and we would marry all over again if we had the choice! We are still best friends and sweethearts! Life can be wonderful and still romantic if we follow certain guidelines and principles. Thank you for passing yours on. Are you listening, young ladies?
Have a wonderful day.