Total Drama Porn Story: The Epic Journey Chapter 3

An epic journey, eh? I thought epic journeys only happened to
fictitious kids. To the best of my knowledge, I’m not fictitious.
Neither are Tyler, Duncan, and Justin, although I sometimes wish they
were.

Well, anyway, we headed out. None of us were all that thrilled
about having to work with each other, of all people. Since our
principal handed us a map to the nearby abandoned bait shop and I was
in charge of it, not Tyler, it only took us five minutes to walk
there.

When we laid eyes on that rundown old shack with its sign hanging
crooked and its windows broken, Tyler actually brought up an
important point.

Do you think our journey has a goal, or is is totally pointless?

As I pondered this, a loud, gravelly voice came from what seemed
like nowhere. Your mission’s aim is secret.

Tyler completely freaked out, while the rest of us came pretty
close. It isn’t every day that you hear a random, disembodied voice,
and when you do, you naturally assume it’s a ghost or something.

Out of the shadows stepped an old fisherman. He looked like the
ones you see in those old TV programs that your mom forces you to
watch. He began to speak again.

Are you the boys from the junior high who have that mission, or
are you just playing around?

Ah. In that case, here are your airplane passes. Farewell, as
your plane is coming now.

Sure enough, a small jet landed on the beach, behind the bath
houses. Tyler let out a loud whoop and yelled, Vacation!

We ran off to our jet and were greeted by a flight attendant, who
took our passes. Your hang gliders are ready in case of an
accident.

Hang gliders? No one told us about that. With all these random
surprises and people who knew about us, this whole trip was turning
out to be like one of those cheesy adventure books. Cool, but kind
of nerve-wracking.

As soon as we hopped onto the jet, Duncan noticed some shady-looking
guys dressed as ninjas in the back. He decided to try and eavesdrop
on their conversation.

Meanwhile, I sat there for ten minutes, wondering what would come
next. Skydiving? Solving a murder mystery? Finally, Justin rudely
snapped me out of my reverie.

Duncan seems to have made a major screw-up, and now the ninjas
are after our asses. So unless you want to become dinner for
cannibal ninjas while the flight attendant and I receive all the
glory, move it.

What?

Duncan gave one of the ninjas a wedgie, so they lit some dynamite
and parachuted out.

Screw Duncan! Why does he have to try to annoy literally everyone?
That’s not good, I commented.

The flight attendant handed us hang gliders and an instruction
manual for rigging them up. Try to land on the target!

Duncan jumped first, and as he spun in circles and floated gradually
down, he whooped loudly. Next was Tyler, who screamed like a girl.
Some time later, Justin reluctantly jumped. He had been afraid of
ruining his hair, no surprise about that.

I really didn’t want to jump. It looked scary and far too dangerous
for the normal person’s liking, and besides, I seriously don’t do
well with spinning. You don’t even want details.

However, this was a life-or-death situation. So I jumped off the
plane and entered that death spiral. The entire jet blew up a second
or so later.

I seemed to be spinning forever before I finally landed on the
target. I have no idea how I managed to do that, seeing as I was so
dizzy that it looked like several moving targets. While Duncan and
Justin were completely fine, Tyler had literally passed out.

Ha, you seriously look green! laughed Duncan, pointing at me.

No, really? Then I puked on the hang glider.

Meh, rental equipment.

How’s my hair? asked Justin worriedly.

Windblown, I said.

Good one, said Duncan.

Tyler sat up. Where am I?

I have no clue, but you look like you’re going to barf, said
Duncan.

I looked away as Tyler puked. No use in throwing up twice on the
same hang glider.

Duncan interrupted. Uh, guys? We’re currently being chased by a
squad of ninjas with uzis.

The rest of us turned around to see the same ninjas from the plane,
only now, as Duncan said, they had machine guns.

RUN! yelled Tyler. We ran as fast as we could until we
reached the other side of the island.

Now what? groaned Justin.

I spotted a boat. We get in that boat!

We all dove in. I peeked into the captain’s cabin. The person in
the chair turned around.

Instead of a captain, there was a girl about Tyler’s height, making
her a little shorter than me, with chin-length brown hair with blue
streaks dyed into it, dark eyes, pale skin, Gothic clothing, dark
purple lipstick, black nail polish, and a delicate looking body.

In other words, there stood a certain classmate who had just
celebrated her fourteenth birthday and was my only real love interest
thus far, and her name was Gwen.

A/N: I felt bad
for Gwen since her life was so boring, so I included her.