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I’m 4 weeks, 6 days pregnant… which means, I’m almost 5 weeks pregnant. Since it’s still super early, I’m at a very high risk of a miscarriage. It’s one of those things you generally can’t control but worry about anyway. With PCOS, they say miscarriage rates are 30%-50%, BUT I wonder if that also depends what type of PCOS you have. In any case, even a healthy woman has a 20% chance of miscarrying – 1 in 5 women, in other words, will have a miscarriage. That seems like an awfully high stat for something we don’t like to talk about in society.

I definitely had some symptoms of pregnancy very early on, but for now, all of that has done away except for this cold. I don’t have a fever, luckily, but my throat is sore, and I have all the cold symptoms that won’t go away. Hopefully they do soon. I’m trying to not go to the doctor until next year (just one month away) since with the new job my deductible reset in Oct and I planned to not use any insurance until 2018.

The good news is since I’m a high risk pregnancy and already going through an RE (and I didn’t realize this) my endoc actually covers monitoring until I’m handed over to my ObGyn. I’m not sure exactly what that means, but I have my first ultrasound on Wednesday to see if everything looks correct in there. It’s too early to hear the heartbeat, but apparently one can see the sac(s) and the fetal pole(s). I say (s) because there is still the very real possibility of multiples. There should only be the possibility of two at the most, but stranger things have happened. I just hope there’s ONE healthy baby in there.

Being pregnant still hasn’t sunk in yet. I’m excited about it, but I know our lives will change entirely in less than 8 months. We’ll start planning the home for baby once I get through the first trimester. More on that later. Fingers crossed everything goes well on Wednesday… and that this cold goes away soon. I can’t take time off of work now as I have to save my time off for baby… even though I don’t have an accumulated PTO plan… so I’m not sure how that will work, but not going to stress on that for now.

The HPT line is even darker today. Despite the headache of visiting two infertility clinics and spending now $5500 out of pocket for fairly preliminary treatment, I have to say I’m thrilled it worked so quickly (knock on wood.) I’m in a bit of shock… as any woman pregnant with her first child might be… and now just waiting the beta blood tests this week to confirm what I already know – and words I never thought I would say: I’m pregnant.

Now, comes the future. And eight months of not eating deli meats and avoiding all alcohol and caffeine and not lifting heavy objects. Then one (or more?) babies who turn into little people and grow up to become hopefully well-adjusted adults. In due time.

Even though we were very actively (via infertility treatment) trying to get pregnant, it didn’t feel real. You just played the lottery every month and hoped. It’s unlikely you win the lottery. But this clinic was on point in my cycle. My last clinic, to be fair, did basically the same thing – although some of their instructions were different. But the clinic I am at now (Nova) — which had a ONE YEAR WAIT to get into — did not force me immediately into IVF, but instead said to try the Femera with TI and Trigger (Shot) for a few cycles. I was about to jump straight to IVF, but they said to try a few more times.

The major differences this cycle, I was given birth control pills for two weeks to clear out my system, and I had a hydrosonogram (not to be confused with an HSG test) which may have opened my tubes with the saline they squirted through them to check out the health of my uterus. Other than that — I had one ultrasound on CD 8 and one on CD 10 (vs CD 9 and CD 11 at my last clinic) but the resulting directions there was the same – trigger on CD 11 at night. Each time I produced two mature follicles – one larger one in my left ovary (my left ovary is a powerful little beast) and a smaller one that’s still big enough to possibly release in my right.

Now, there is the chance BOTH fertilized. There’s also, albeit a tiny chance, that another follicle caught up and grew quicker than normal — or that one of the two split and we could be looking at triplets (or more, who knows.) I shouldn’t get ahead of myself here… but there is a reality that twins could be in our future. We won’t know for sure until January or later. Right now, I need to focus on confirming I’m pregnant, and hoping that I don’t miscarry — I’ve read so many stories of women who are Fertile Mirtles but who miscarry every child they get pregnant with — so I’m a tad worried about that.

But I also feel like the universe decided it’s my time. I’m 34. Universe gave up on me maturing any more and is now confident I’m the best mother I’ll ever be.