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"[My relationships were] like I was in these movies where the script was only half-written. When I’d get to the end of this half-script, the other actors wanted me to ad lib. But I had never gotten the hang of that. That’s why these movies were always box-office failures. Six of them in the past twenty years. I always blew the lines." ~ from my horrible first novel "Learn How To Pretend." (unpublished)(obviously)

Monday, October 08, 2012

Death to the False Self.

"Your picture of yourself, your self-illusion is in process of
being broken. This places you in an unusual position, very close to the
truth, and that proximity is part of your pain...you hate your damaged
self and feel you cannot live with it, yet you desperately cherish it at
the same time. You describe your grief as a system. Indeed it is, a
defensive system of mutually supporting falsehoods instinctively
produced to defend your old egoistic self-image which you cannot bear to
lose, you cannot bear its death which seems so like your own. Your
endless talk of dying is a substitute for the real needful death, the
death of your illusions...you say you live in pain. Let it be the death
of the old false self, and the life-movement of the new real truthful
self."