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Saturday, June 8, 2013

Steven's scans yesterday came back all clear. Hooray! It has been a rather stressful week for me. I had worked myself into some serious worry and while I could also find peace at times, I was so crazy that every little thing would send me over the edge again. For instance, Steven hurt his good ankle one day--I got scared it was cancer. He was limping around all week and if you've followed our story, you know that we found the cancer because he was limping. He started limping with his hurt ankle, but then once that was better, he was limping because he had developed a blister with his prosthetic. And then a few times in the week, I heard him give a minor little cough. And so it went that by the time Friday came around, I was a mess.

I tried all sorts of things to get over my craziness. I tried to be extremely busy (but not at my own house). That helped a little. I quoted myself statistics and tried to stay positive. I tried some relaxation techniques. At one point I was doing some deep breathing and I had this flashback to my freshman year of college when I took a stress management class. I almost got an "A- in the class until I begged my teacher to reconsider and give me an "A." The memory made me feel guilty that I probably didn't serve the "A" afterall, since I was the most stressed out person I knew.

What finally helped me was prayer, fasting, going to the temple and listing to hymns. I know that prayer has a power. I don't know how much prayer will change the outcome--I feel like our days numbered and that even people of faith die of cancer. But I was blessed with comfort that whatever happens, we will be able to handle it with God's help.

So by the time the scans came around, my extreme craziness had subsided. The morning of scans, Steven pet the dog for over an hour. For all her trouble, I noticed this week how everytime I pet her, my anxiety would almost immediately dissapear. These are the moments I have to remember when I want to ship her off the humane society!

But anyway, as I said, the outcome was good this time around and now I can breath easy for a while longer and enjoy this summer without worrying about relapse (much). Steven will have scans again in September and those will be his two year scans. If everything looks, good, he will not have scans again for six months after that. Two years is a major milestone for survival statistics, so it will be a big deal.

I took him out for a hamburger after his scans--it has become a tradition. He said "Mom, when I do my final scans in 8 years from now, let's invite everyone we know to the restaurant for a hamburger party." So, September of 2021--save the date folks!