Nolte: Little Miss BossyPants at Netflix Wants to Outlaw the Term ‘Chick Flick’

You know, nothing proves we’re closer to dystopia more than a massive, multi-national corporation like Netflix attempting to outlaw the term “chick flick,” to put a scarlet letter on speech it doesn’t like.

Don’t you just get a warm feeling when a corporate behemoth abuses its cultural influence to tell the rest of what words we can and cannot use…?

No, seriously, nothing makes me want to embrace the future more than a dictatorial corporation exploiting its power in the most Orwellian way possible — a literal attempt to shrink the size of the dictionary using NewSpeak.

Her name is Kirsten King (of course it’s Kirsten), but for purposes of clarity we will now refer to her as Little Miss BossyPants.

According to her verified Twitter account, Little Miss BossyPants looks to be in her 30s, lives in Los Angeles, has contributed to far-left outlets like BuzzFeed and Teen Vogue, and is like, totally, super-awesomely in “love with bi culture” — so as you can see she’s very much in touch with the common man, with the Heartland, with Mr. and Mrs. America.

Netflix sure can pick ’em.

Well, Little Miss BossyPants has what one might call a First World Problem — she doesn’t like the term “chick flick.” Yes, her life is that privileged, so privileged she actually enjoys the luxury of being freaked out over the term “chick flick.”

And so, with her bossy little fingers on the lever of cultural power known as Netflix’s Twitter accounts, Little Miss BossyPants decided to lay down the law across at least four of the streaming giant’s Twitter platforms…

Quick PSA: Can we stop calling films “chick flicks” unless the films are literally about small baby chickens? Here’s why this phrase should absolutely be retired.

For starters, “chick flicks” are traditionally synonymous with romantic comedies. This suggests that women are the only people interested in 1. Romance 2. Comedy. Which I can promise from the men I’ve come across in my life – simply isn’t true.

There aren’t sweeping categories specific to men. You don’t hear people asking to watch “man movies” – instead, pretty much every intersection of genre is on the table and seen as for men, except of course, the aforementioned rom-coms.

The term also cheapens the work that goes into making these types of films. Romantic comedies and/or films centered around female leads go through just as much editing, consideration, and rewriting as any other film.

And nicknaming films “chick flicks” drives home that there’s something trivial about watching them. But what’s trivial about watching a film that makes you feel 1,000 emotions in ~90 minutes?

Overall, there’s nothing inherently gendered about liking a light-hearted film with a strong female lead and emotional arc. So next time you call something a “chick flick,” you better be referring to Chicken Run.

In so many ways I am awed. Never before in the history of human writing has there been such a perfect blend of empty-headed, self-righteous, narcissistic, uptight and neurotic posturing (that wasn’t written by Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez).

And I’ll bet Bradley and Buffy simply howled at the club over that “Chicken Run” joke.

Anyway…

Your Honor, I would like to offer the above as Exhibit A to prove just how good and glorious things are in Donald Trump’s America… The economy is humming, North Korea is under control, ISIS is a puddle of goo, the stock market is booming, jobs are being created, the Rustbelt is making a comeback, and Little Miss BossyPants and Netflix have all kinds of time to hand-wring over “chick flick.”

Here’s the other thing… Forget about the corporate fascism, forget about Netflix using the threat of social sanctions to bully us into using less precise language — Little Miss BossyPants doesn’t even know what she’s talking about.

The only thing romantic comedies are “traditionally synonymous” with are … romantic comedies.

A “chick flick” is an entirely different genre. Steel Magnolias, Beaches, and The Notebook are chick flicks, or any movie involving a sexy widower who lives on a boat and can’t get over the loss of his wife, at least until she comes along.

This bossy knucklehead is fascistically expounding on the “gendered” reasons to remove a perfectly innocuous but helpfully precise term from the American lexicon when she has no idea what the term means.

A chick flick can be a romantic comedy, but what a chick flick actually is is a movie produced to appeal to women because, you know, Hollywood does that type of thing — does target the female demographic with chick flicks that come in every possible genre, from Pitch Perfect to Thelma & Louise to Mean Girls to Heathers to Set It Off.

Oh, here’s my short PSA: How about if you do the world a favor and pull that six-foot steel pole out of your backside, sweet tart?

How about if you just stop telling other people how to speak, Little Miss BossyPants?

And how about if you just stop abusing your power to bully people about how they express themselves, Behemoth-Fascist Corporation?

Nevertheless, allow me to close with a note of thanks…

Were it not for Netflix and Little Miss BossyPants, we would have no idea that yet-another way to trigger America’s brittle, dried-out, joyless Woke Harpies was with the term “chick flick.” So I hope you’ll join me, Mr. and Mrs. America in Making ‘Chick-Flick’ Great Again!