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Wednesday, 10 August 2016

How to Understand and Recognize the Signs of a Liar

Ten Tips to Tell if Someone is Lying…

Body
language forms a large part of communication. Those with social anxiety disorder (SAD) tend to have limited
experience with conversation and therefore less exposure to different types of
body language. When learning how to read others' body language, one useful
skill is the ability to tell when a person is lying.

As you
develop personal and work relationships, being able
to read these subtle clues will help to guide who you can trust.

Following are
ten tips to spot when someone is lying.

1. Repeat the Question. Someone who is lying will
tend to repeat the question that is asked, to give themselves more time to
come up with an answer. For example, if you ask "Who were you with
last night?", the other person will parrot back your statement:
"Who was I with last night?"2. Pause. The liar will pause after
being asked a difficult question, in order to gather his thoughts and
develop a response. If you catch someone off guard with a question, and
believe that person is lying, watch to see the immediate reaction and if
there is a pause.3. Give Less Details. Although you might think
that a liar would give a more elaborate story, research has shown that
instead they tend to give fewer details and are vague in their responses.4. "To Be Honest". A liar will qualify
statements with descriptions made to sound them more truthful. Listen for
words like "Honestly" or "To tell the truth".

5. Variable Rate of Talking. Someone who is lying might
slow down her speech at the beginning of a lie to gather her thoughts and
to gauge your reaction to the story. Variable rates of speech can indicate
that someone is lying to you.6. Speak Formally. Bill Clinton said "I
did not have sexual relations" instead of the more familiar
contraction "I didn't have...". This is typical of people who
are lying; to avoid contractions and use more formal language to distance
themselves from the lie.

7. Speaking in Fragments. Liars tend to speak in
fragments or omit pronouns; as though leaving themselves out of the
sentence means it is not really a lie.8. Trouble Backtracking. Police interrogators will
often ask interviewees to recount a story backwards. Most liars have
practiced their story in a chronological fashion and have difficulty
picking up from a random part or working backwards.9. Change the Subject. If you suspect someone is
lying, try quickly changing the subject. In general, a truthful person
will be confused by the topic change and want to go back to the original
subject. The liar, on the other hand, is happy to follow along and avoid
talking further about the lie.10. Post-Interview Relief. Police interrogators also
use a technique that invokes post-interview relief. Generally someone who
is lying will relax if they believe the tough questions are over. Jump
back to another tough question and the person will stiffen up again.

7 Things to Do When Kids Lie

Teaching kids to tell the truth takes
understanding and reassurance

As much as we might like to think that our children will always tell the
truth, the reality is that lying is something most children experiment with at
one point or another. Parents should keep in mind that telling lies is a
natural part of child development, and that in most cases, children outgrow
this behavior.

Why Kids Lie

When addressing this common problem, parents should consider a child's age,
the circumstances and reasons for the lie, and how frequently he engages in
this behavior.

For example, many younger children -- usually younger than age 6 -- cannot yet
make a clear distinction between fantasy and reality, and their "lie"
may actually just be an expression of their imagination. That said, a child as
young as age 4 is perfectly capable of deliberately telling a lie to, say,
avoid getting into trouble or get something he wants.

Some
common causes of lying in school-age children:

Wishful
imaginative play

Fear of
punishment

A desire
to brag to friends/classmates to boost status and impress them

To avoid
something they don’t want to do (such as clean up toys)

A desire
to not disappoint parents when expectations are too high

Unhappiness
with something in their lives

An attempt
to get attention

What to Do When Kids Lie

Here are some helpful tips to keep in mind when dealing with lying:

1.Get to the root cause of the
lie. Is your child simply telling a tall tale as part of
fantasy play? Is she deliberately trying to mislead you because she doesn’t
want to be punished? If your child is simply using her imagination, help her
distinguish between fact and fiction without discouraging her creativity (so if
she insists that she went to the moon with her imaginary friends, then explain
that it sounds like so much fun you would like to join in too).

On the other hand, if she claims than an imaginary friend broke something she
wasn’t supposed to touch, first reassure her that she won’t get in trouble if
she tells you what really happened. Then explain that you understand that while
it can sometimes be easier to believe that someone else may have done something
that she doesn’t want to admit to doing, telling the truth always helps make
things better.

2.Do not make kids feel like
they cannot come to you. If a child is worried that you will be
angry, he may try to avoid telling you the truth at all costs. The important
thing is to help your child feel secure, safe, and supported so that he knows
he can talk to you without losing your affection and love. In fact, research
shows that when you threaten kids with punishment for lying, they are less
likely to tell the truth.

Explain to your child that if he tells you the truth, you will not become
angry, and that the truth is more important to you than anything else. Then
listen calmly and address whatever the misbehavior was; focus on that, and on
the consequences of his actions, rather than on finding blame. If he attempted
a lie, praise him for being honest with you and acknowledge that telling the
truth must have been difficult for him.

3.
Give your child consequences, rather than punishment. What’s
the difference? Punishment comes from a place of anger whereas consequences are
focused on correcting the misbehavior. For instance, if your child lies about
doing her chores, discuss with her the importance of facing up to her actions;
work with her to come up with an appropriate task to make up for her mistake,
such as doing extra age-appropriate chores around the house.

4.Do not call your child a
liar. Labels can not only be hurtful, they can have a lasting
impact on how a child views himself. If he is called a liar, he may believe
himself to be one and act accordingly.

5.Be clear about your
expectations. Tell your child that lying is something that you
do not want in your household. Let her know that telling the truth is just as
important as other good behavior that you expect from her such as speaking to
you in a respectful manner and not talking back or trying not to fight with her
siblings.

6.Assess your own behavior when
it comes to telling the truth. Do you often resort to lying
when you want to avoid a situation or to get something you want? For instance,
if your child hears you telling a neighbor that you cannot feed her cat while
she’s on a trip because you have a sick relative when the truth is that you
secretly don’t like that particular cat, you child will get the message that
adults lie when it’s convenient for them.

7.
Talk about the effect lying can have on relationships. Explain
that lying can damage the trust that exists between people who love each other.
Ask your child to imagine how she might feel if you lied to her about
something. Would she doubt you the next time? Would it affect the way she
trusted you?

Finally, keep in mind that if a child lies repeatedly and frequently, even
after consequences and reassurances from you, it may be time to talk with your
pediatrician or other professional child behavioral expert to assess the
behavior and get more recommendations.

In
general, if you are not sure whether someone is lying, think about how that
person would think or feel if he was lying or telling the truth and compare
that with how he is acting.

Also
consider what you want to believe versus what really makes sense; often times
we fall victim to lies because we don't want to know the truth.