I know, I know. There hasn't even been the sound of crickets on this blog in a long time.

My writing time and writing focus has gone to my coaching blog for the last couple of years as this one is being phased out.

What I have written there definitely applies to living well with autism and other challenges. We all have something and that something seems to ebb and flow with thoughts and circumstances and a combination of the two.

So inviting you to hop on over to GayleNobel.com and take a peek at some of the latest.

]]>gaylenobel@cox.net (Gayle Nobel)BlogMon, 15 Feb 2016 11:21:11 +0000Slow Motion Momentshttp://autismwithattitude.com/blog/77-blog/365-slow-motion-moments
http://autismwithattitude.com/blog/77-blog/365-slow-motion-momentsThere has always been a schism of sorts. A feeling of a divide in our family. Us and the girls. Us and Kyle. The girls and Kyle? Not so much.

This family dynamic was put in motion very early when Kyle’s 1:1 therapy took place in his bedroom. Hours, days, and years ticked by. The girls were out having a life. Kyle’s life was in his room. Small. There was a method to the madness which made sense for awhile. As years went on, it stopped feeling like the thing to do.

My kids are adults now. Kyle has a life outside his room. Thank goodness. The girls are out on their own in different states living their lives. Kyle still lives at home.

Despite a busy evening and last minute guitar restring, she kept her promise to serenade Kyle.

His birthday gift

A concert for one

By one

10:30 PM

As a music lover, Kyle soaked it up.

As a person with autism, his outer response was not immediately visible.

But when she finished the first song, his grin was priceless.

A moment for Kyle

A moment for Leah

A moment for me

A precious connection point

Leah giving, Kyle receiving

Me observing, feeling

Sweetness filled the room

A string of slow motion moments

As exhausted as I was, I felt that place inside all of us.

Connecting

It looks to me like this is where life’s elixir resides.

Weeks later, I’m still smiling inside.

]]>gaylenobel@cox.net (Gayle Nobel)BlogTue, 26 Jan 2016 19:51:56 +0000Follow the Breadcrumbshttp://autismwithattitude.com/blog/77-blog/364-follow-the-breadcrumbs
http://autismwithattitude.com/blog/77-blog/364-follow-the-breadcrumbsEach year for the last few years I have written a blog about choosing a word for the year. A touchstone, a theme, a word to guide and inform the upcoming year. The antidote to the New Year’s Resolution. I carefully thought out what my word “should” be and invited readers to do the same.

A year later and I have forgotten last year’s word.

And, the thought of choosing another word is a big “meh”. Not feeling it.

Sometimes I answer some questions in my journal reflecting on the previous year and setting my sights on the year to come. Feels like too much work this year. More “meh”.

For me, the past year stands out as one where I learned to trust my intuition and hear and follow my inner guidance system more than ever before.

“I’ll know when I know” played out into a theme I never would have predicted last January 1. I played with deciding not to decide. In doing so, I became more attuned to the murmurs of my inner wisdom and when the time was right, acted from there. Some powerful (and effective) decisions were made from this stance.

2015 has been a wild ride with a few big ups and a few big downs. Life has tossed me around a bit and I have walked through it, for the most part, with grace. When I didn’t listen to my inner wisdom on the first nudge, it just kept knocking.

I’m slipping quietly into the New Year. Going low key.

What speaks to me today, January 1, 2016, is a continuation and acknowledgement of where I’ve been for the last few months…….

“Follow the Breadcrumbs”

There’s a lightness and simplicity to this mantra.

Less effort. Less thinking. More flowing. More trusting.

This feels really really good.

“When we give our power to make choices to an outside source like the first day of the new year, we’re forgetting that we’re creating the experience of that milestone date via our own thoughts.

Yep, we are THAT creative.

And when we remember that, we become more aware of our opportunity to create, to choose, and to change in every single moment. To thrive!”

~~Lian Brooke-Tyler, Happy School

PS... Inviting you to tiptoe over to GayleNobel.com ,my coaching blog, where this post first appeared and sign up at the right to subscribe to my blog if this resonates with you.

]]>gaylenobel@cox.net (Gayle Nobel)BlogWed, 06 Jan 2016 21:17:09 +0000Heart Glowhttp://autismwithattitude.com/blog/77-blog/363-heart-glow
http://autismwithattitude.com/blog/77-blog/363-heart-glowKyle has been theraputic horseback riding for 18 years. Last night was his first night back after being off for the hot Phoenix summer. He also missed a bunch of rides at the end of last season because of his cycles.

It wasn't surprising when he had difficulty mounting Monte, the horse he rides. This happens once in awhile but since it had been so many months, he was extra nervous and uncertain about mounting. Knowing Kyle, I don't believe it was about riding. It was most likely about getting his body to do what it needed to do to mount from the raised platform.

Fortunately, his instructor, Leslie, and the volunteer who helps him, Clint, both know him very well. They get Kyle and they get "it". This is HUGE!

Kyle was so fearful he was hanging on to Leslie and Clint and the railing for dear life. They appeared to stay calm. They did not push or force. They gently encouraged. After they tried for a few minutes, it seemed he was not going to be able to ride. The more attempts they made, the more his stress seemed to rise. Even though they were slow and deliberate and used the magic 1,2,3 count, and had me come and encourage him from behind the platform, Kyle just held on tighter as his fear and resistance grew.

When it became clear what they (including Kyle) were doing wasn't working, they did not give up or tell us to go home. They brought Kyle into the arena with Monte and allowed him, with support, to lead Monte around by a rope for a few laps. Kyle gradually began to relax. He just had to walk and hang on to the rope. He could do that. We all exhaled.

After a few minutes, they decided to try again. While there was some hesitation and uncertainty, Kyle's stressed feelings seemed to have diminished tremendously.

Fairly soon, he was able to mount. We all exhaled again. And if we weren't concerned about startling the horse or Kyle, we may have all cheered. It was quite a moment. Quite a triumph. We were cheering on the inside.

Kyle slowly began to relax and little by little, his comfort and confidence returned. He enjoyed himself riding Monte last night. We enjoyed watching him enjoy himself.

This evening stands out for me. I'm grateful to Kyle's horse team for their expertise in knowing how to support him. It is truly an art. And if he was anywhere else, I would imagine the outcome, as well as the process, would have been much different.

It wasn't necessarily about their skill. It was more about their attitude. About who they were with him. About the patience and caring that seeped out in the decisions they made and the actions they took. It's something that can be so subtle, it's hard to describe.

But you know when it's there and when it's not. And it can't be forced. It has to be felt. And gotten. And from that place, whatever they chose to do, would have been the right decision. Because working with and being with Kyle is an art much more than a skill and certainly not a science. Intuition is the guidebook.

Kyle dismounted with ease. He chuckled as he walked away. Hard to know what he was thinking, but I'm guessing that chuckle was not random.

He also stepped in horse urine and brought it home on mud embedded in his boot sole. Our puppy made sure we were aware of it. But that's just a side note.

I'm very grateful for Leslie and Clint who have been part of Kyle's life for many years. Though they were apart for a few years, thank goodness they reunited 3 years ago. And then there is his horse, Monte. He has a special bond with Kyle too and was quite patient with everything last night. Monte's owner, Chris, is kind enough to let Kyle ride on her property. So creating this experience for Kyle is a team effort.

Kyle conquered fear and uncertainty. Leslie and Clint helped make that possible. The rest of us were part of the audience.

]]>gaylenobel@cox.net (Gayle Nobel)BlogTue, 11 Aug 2015 18:37:10 +0000It's Raining Thoughtshttp://autismwithattitude.com/blog/77-blog/361-its-raining-thoughts
http://autismwithattitude.com/blog/77-blog/361-its-raining-thoughtsAs a parent, teacher, or caregiver, we will always experience the discomforts of others around our loved ones with autism. Ultimately, it's what we choose to do with those discomforts that has the greatest impact on our peace of mind and well being.

]]>gaylenobel@cox.net (Gayle Nobel)BlogFri, 10 Jul 2015 08:42:32 +0000Death and Lessons from my Puppyhttp://autismwithattitude.com/blog/77-blog/360-death-and-lessons-from-my-puppy
http://autismwithattitude.com/blog/77-blog/360-death-and-lessons-from-my-puppyWhoo hoo! Kyle is once again, attending a day program. This means I have more time to create.

]]>gaylenobel@cox.net (Gayle Nobel)BlogTue, 16 Jun 2015 13:45:32 +0000Awarenesshttp://autismwithattitude.com/blog/77-blog/359-celebrating-today
http://autismwithattitude.com/blog/77-blog/359-celebrating-todayLife's a journey, wouldn't ya say? The cool thing is that we are all preprogramed to be resilient. We don't have to carry our thinking from our past into the present. Even though we often do. For me, just knowing resilience is available in the form of a new thought, which can carry me into a new experience, is very comforting.

On July 1 of last year, Kyle stopped cycling. I'm referring to the agitation/anxiety cycles that shut him down for two weeks at a time. I have written about these many times before. We found a treatment that worked like nothing before in the twenty year on and off history of these unexplainable episodes. It actually stopped two cycles after the third day. In the past, they always had to run a two week course. So that was quite a celebration especially since I didn't believe it was possible to interrupt a cycle on the run. The treatment is controversial, that's all I will say here. He had a glorious nine months.

Never take anything for granted because randomly, after nine months, one day, he woke up in another cycle. Surpise! Bring on the treatment and it worked magic again. The illusion of control. This time it held for seven weeks. And then back to cycleville. What?!? This isn't the way it's "supposed" to play out.

Last month, he had a nine day cycle, came out for one day, and went into a second nine day cycle. Two back to back cycles, what's that all about? What happened to our control? The treatment made him a little more comfortable, but no more magic.

It was time for me to create some of my own magic. During a conversation with a coach who is leading a course I'm taking, I was able to see some things I had not seen before. It's not possible to describe how I got to this point, but during the conversation, a whole bunch of things changed for me on a very deep level. Some of them were things I had understood on an intellectual level but never quite at the core of my being. This new awareness came from someplace very deep. It was as if I had been wearing scratched and smudged glasses and all of a sudden, I got a new pair and could see clearly.

One of the things I saw was the way I was seeing Kyle in these cycles. I saw suffering. He was/is suffering and there is nothing I can do about it. We know how we feel when our children are hurting. We want to fix it. As if we actually have control over another human. What I realized was that it was really me who was suffering. I couldn't be sure if Kyle was suffering. My battle with "what is" was painful and frustrating and creating my suffering. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't widdle that square peg into the round hole. And I certainly did not have control.

I didn't just see this at an intellectual level, I truly got it in my heart and gut.

Kyle appears to go with the flow. (Obviously because he can't speak, I don't know his thoughts. I can only go on observation and intuition.) During cycles, he takes care of himself by going to bed, going deep within, not eating (yes, a form of taking care of himself), just pretty much shutting himself down. He repeats very specific behavior patterns during agitation times and seeks us for comfort. He also allows and even wants, necessary protection from injury. Is he suffering? I don't really know. If he is suffering in some way, am I in the best position to be there for him if I suffer too?

What I came to see was that my bond with him was so tight, it was as if we were fused at the hip with no light between us. I'm guessing maybe this is common when you have been on a path with a child with special needs for so long and have had to do so much for them as well as being their voice and advocate in the world. The normal seperating process that happens as kids become adults gets skewed.

Just having this awareness, amongst others, released my struggle at a very deep level. It doesn't mean I won't listen for the answers to help Kyle during a cycle. I would much prefer he be out living his life than be in bed. However, I let go of my struggle. Actually, it was more like it melted. And it wasn't through analysis or denial. It was through my awareness of really seeing something I had not seen before. And when that happened, my suffering dissapated. And then peace flooded in. Wisdom also flooded in. Things to try, steps to take, began to appear on the path.

The wisdom of possible solutions was there waiting for me. I just had to allow the pipes to unclog. And then experience the magic of potential answers flowing in. New thoughts and possibilities. A new experience.

PS I invite you to check out the work of Michael Neill at supercoach.com. His books and videos are all very powerful. Also, a simple read in the form of a parable by Sydney Banks called The Enlightened Gardner.