Will you be watching Melania on Friday night at the ungodly hour of 10 pm ET? I will not, for I will be sleeping after consuming an inappropriate number of CBD gummies.

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Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

The Trump administration, led by top ghoul and glue-eater Stephen Miller, is considering new plans to separate families at the border. From the Washington Post: “One option under consideration is for the government to detain asylum-seeking families together for up to 20 days, then give parents a choice — stay in family detention with their child for months or years as their immigration case proceeds, or allow children to be taken to a government shelter so other relatives or guardians can seek custody.” [Washington Post]

Me to USA Today: Maybe should’ve fact-checked Trump’s op-ed a little bit earlier, perhaps before publishing it. Or maybe not published it at all? [USA Today]

White House Chief of Staff John Kelly called Senator Elizabeth Warren an “impolite arrogant woman” in an email last year, after they had a conversation about the administration’s Muslim ban. Just call her a bitch, John, you know you want to! [BuzzFeed]

And then Warren fired back on Twitter: “Was I tough on John Kelly in that phone call? You bet I was. Apparently he thought I was an ‘impolite arrogant woman.’ ‘Blah blah blah’ – that’s all he had to say when he was called out for breaking the law and destroying lives.” [Twitter]

Here’s a clip of Michigan’s Republican gubernatorial candidate being a creep. Bonus: If you’re able to summon the will to watch to the end, you get to hear his extremely creative pronunciation of “Vincent Van Gogh.” [Talking Points Memo]