I will try to give your entire post a fair shake later when I have a moment, but one thing that really jumped out at me and made me feel sad for you was your use of language. I hope you don't die before you repent of it. As of right now, your soul is not in a state of perfect grace.

Therefore, if you were to die right now. You would go to hell. I hate to be the one to have to tell you this, but it's weighing heavily on my mind.

Matthew 5:22 But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.