Topics I've Started

Hey what's up losers I heard you like lists, so I thought we'd do some lists of things we like. Some video games were released in 2018, and some of them were really good, and boy do I have some words to write about the ones I liked.

Here's the giant, shameful list of the waaaay too many games I played this year, helpfully sorted into the three categories that matter:

The ones that were a load of rubbish:

Ni no Kuni 2

Kirby Star Allies

Mario Tennis Aces

Shadow of the Tomb Raider

Fist of the North Star: Lost Paradise

The ones that were pretty OK, I can't really complain but also I didn't really love them, also look at how many of these are remakes:

That remake of Shadow of the Colossus

Far Cry 5

Dark Souls Remastered

Octopath Traveler

Shenmue 1 and 2 remasters

Detroit: Become Human

Spyro remakes

Pokemon Let's Go Eevee

The really good ones I liked a lot, oh god they're all AAA blockbusters I'm such a capitalist pig:

God of War

Vampyr

Marvel's Spider-Man

Assassin's Creed Odyssey

Hitman 2

Red Dead Redemption 2:

Red Dead Redemption 2

Yeah, I don't really know how to categorise RDR yet, but I'll muddle my way through to an opinion after I write about 2,000 words about it! Stay tuned for waffling!

(And also please feel free to talk about your own favourite games this year so I haven't just made yet another topic where I talk to myself )

I wanted to start this thread off right, with a compilation of the spooky voices that say the words "RESIDENT EVIL" at the title menus of every game, because I am a firm believer that this is the correct way of beginning a video game. It's something I've always loved about all the wonderful, dumb, amazing Capcom games of the PSX and PS2 era, and I think Resident Evil started the tradition. If a game shouts its own title at you when you hit 'Start Game', you know you're in for a ride.

OK, so, long story short, I've always been interested in Resident Evil, but I've also always been a huge wuss when it comes to scary games and I've only played precious few of these bad boys. I played about half of Resident Evil 4 when it came out on PS2 back in the day, then I played a lot of Resident Evil 5 on the PS3, and then I was sort of excited for RE6 but never got around to playing it, and that's basically it. Until this last week or so, when the hype of Capcom's two big E3 reveals hit me will strength, and since I already replayed the entire DMC series earlier this year I thought I'd channel this anxious hype energy into finally spackling up the gaps in my Resident Evil series history.

So I just started up Resident Evil HD on Steam, which is to say the 2015 remastered version of the 2002 remade version of the original 1996 game that was just named Resident Evil, and it seems really cool! I decided to play with the original tank controls, because I wanted to experience the game in its original state, but then I decided play on the newly-added super easy baby mode because I'm still a huge chicken about scary games, and I'm really enjoying myself so far. It's very much like a point and click adventure game in terms of exploring every available area and mashing your interact button on everything that looks interact-with-able, except you also have to shoot a zambaberjambo every now and then, and then also some dogs explode through the window, and sometimes the dead zombies come back again even zombie-er and everything is terrible. Should be fun!

In conclusion, Chris Redfield is the best Resident Evil character. And also tell me about your favourite Resident Evil stuff!

It's here again, you guys! Can you believe it? Doesn't it seem like only yesterday that we all gathered for our favourite time of the year? Christmas in June? The giant expo that we all swear isn't just a marketing stunt so we can feel better about ourselves and pretend we aren't just wasting our lives running in the corporate treadmills that power the private jets of the 1%? It's going to be a big one this year, you guys. I can feel it. I know I say that every year, but, well, it's important to get yourself used to people lying to you before you go into this thing.

Here's what's on the docket for this year's D3:

EA: No, wait, come back! Sometimes EA has some interesting stuff, right? Anthem looks OK in these innocent moments before we find out exactly what its microtransaction economy is going to look like. Don't you want to see all the Lizard Men who run EA desperately pretending to be normal humans, with their professionally coached hand gestures and manufactured demeanours? No? Please don't make me watch this one alone, you guys.

Microsoft: This is the place for those hawt, platform-agnostic third-party trailers: Battlesfield, Tom Braider, AssCreedyssey, and maybe even a little game by the name of Cyberpunk 2077, perhaps. They've got that Ori sequel, that backwards compatibility goodness, and probably a Halo/Forza/Gears of some kind. Our ol' pal Phil Spencer has been talking a big game about getting some big exciting exclusives happening again, so hopefully that translates to some bombshells.

Bethesda: These utter madmen have hit upon the insane idea of announcing games at E3 and then releasing them that same year, the nutters, so this is one of the few shows where you can actually get excited about what you're seeing without having to remind yourself you won't play it for another five years. The developers of Prey have been teasing super hard, and we know there are new Fallouts and Rages coming. Maybe a Doom tease? Maybe a Skyrim? I don't know.

Square-Enix: They say that Kingdom Hearts 3 will be out this year. They say that Final Fantasy VII Remake will be out... eventually. I'm not sure I believe them on either, but at least they should have some new trailers, right? At the very least, they have a lot of good IPs they can farm out to developers who actually know how to make video games on time; maybe a new Nier? Maybe a Just Cause? Maybe they'll unkill Deus Ex?

Ubisoft: Beyond Good & Evil 2 exists, Assassin's Creed is back to being good again, and there are rumblings of a new Splinter Cell on the horizon. They're probably going to waste a lot of time on Just Dancing and some VR rubbish, but then there might be some neat new Nintendo crossover for the Switch, too. Who knows with these guys?

Sony: They're promising deep dives into Death Stranding, Ghosts of Tsushima, The Last of Us 2 and Spider-Man, but realistically we're probably going to see all but Spider-Man at next E3, too, so keep that hype in check because it's a slow burn. But definitely don't keep your hype in check for the one, the only, the DEFINITELY HAPPENING THIS YEAR: Devil. May. Cry. FIVE. It's happening, and it's probably happening at Sony barring some kind of hail mary moneyhat manoeuvre on Microsoft's part. I'm just going to warn you ahead of time that I'm going to literally explode when it happens. And I know you think I'm using the word 'literally' incorrectly there, but I AM NOT.

Nintendo: The agony of the Wii U is over, the Switch is in full swing, and we're ready to love again. Ready to live again. They're making a Metroid Prime 4 and a Bayonetta 3 and we're probably going to see'em both! We'll Poke a Man, we'll Smash a Brother, and Retro Studios is apparently making a Star Fox racing game, so don't you tell me Nintendo's too predictable these days because NOBODY saw that one coming.

Let's do this, you guys! They still hold these things at 3am in my time zone, and last year I learnt that I'm too old to interrupt my sleep cycle to watch them without feeling like absolute heinous garbage the next day, but I'm doing it anyway! Tell me what you're most hyped about in these scant few hours before the world ends and begins anew! Here's the customary time zone chart for all the big shows that I've stolen from somewhere, and you can bet I'll be here with links to live streams when everything starts happening:

There's a new Mission Impossible movie coming, and it looks stone cold incredible:

And as with every new Mission Impossible, we have a chance for Tom Cruise to do some more insane stunts that only a super rich guy with no fear of death who's basically spent his life learning how to do cool stuff can do. Not content with merely doing all his own climbing, fighting and driving stunts, now he's actually flying the helicopter in this movie's helicopter chase:

I love this maniac. Where else are you going to see an actor throwing a helicopter over a waterfall in a movie? I mean, Jackie Chan broke more or less every bone in his body in shooting, used to do 900 takes of a single shot to get it absolutely perfect, directed and wrote and starred in and choreographed his own movies and then sang the theme song over the end credits, but even he never learnt to fly a helicopter for his craft. CRUISE MISSILE, BABY!

So we've got a helicopter chase, a motorbike chase, Henry Cavill and Cruise Missile punching guys so hard they demolish a public bathroom. More free-climbing of cliffs. We've got that bad guy from Rogue Nation, who also played the frog monster guy in Prometheus, btw. Rebecca Ferguson is back, Alec Baldwin's back, Simon Pegg's there, and a little bit of Mrs Hunt, Michelle Monaghan, too. We've got everyone but Paula Patton, it seems, and that hurts me, but nothing's perfect. In conclusion, what is your favourite Mission Impossible movie and why is it Ghost Protocol?