Today is the day. Thank you for the advice. And a big thanks to the OP for deleting a few. I am very emotional about the whole situation and did not reply because I did not want to be reactive to the negativity.

Advice was appreciated. I spoke with everyone, and we all have an extra few dollars tucked away to cover just in case. We have also talked graciously to the host and let her know that her daughter and her bill has been taken care of. We have called the restaurant and explained the need for separate bills ahead of time, and who's bill to add the extra meals too.

The limo arrives at lunch time! I am all dressed up! Cant wait to share this day with my friend!

I have done what I can do. I am going to relax and enjoy every moment.

Thanks for thinking of me! The birthday was wonderful. My friend was in tears many times..very thankful. She said it was one of her best birthday events ever. That made us us happy! There were 10 of us in total.

But getting down to Lola....lola lola LOLA....what can I say? She arrived very very early to Patti's house. We were leaving at Noon...she arrived just before 9am. (Patti needs full assistance from staff to help her get ready) So Patti was tired of her before the day even began. Patti's best friend reminded all of us about the $10/head tip for the limo driver. She clearly, in front of all of us, said to Lola "And it will be $20 for you and your daughter!" Lola smiled and said she knew.

When the Limo arrived, Lola and her daughter ran ahead, insisting they were the first ones in. Lola cried and pleaded with the driver to pick her up and carry her into the limo. When that didn't happen, she rolled herself in, claiming she could not climb up. They sat in many different spots before deciding to sit separately. Her and her daughter ripped off their shoes and put them behind their heads, on the ledge beneath the window.

The rest of us waited and helped Patti get to the Limo. Let her peek inside and decide where she wants to sit, and where she wants the rest of us to go. Lola is yelling at all of us for not commenting on her hair dye and her stained mint green top. We all had an unspoken understanding of simply not acknowledging the bad behaviour, and turning out focus onto Patti. Worked well for the most part.

We drove for over an hour to get to the fancy restaurant. We shared stories...memories and toasted to health happiness and friends. I sat beside Lola's daughter....and beside me was my friend...then Lola. They apparently didn't brush their teeth...and we were sitting very close to each other, so that was awkward. Everyone was dressed fashionably.....While Lola and her daughter looked like they rolled out of bed. Sad, really. I think her daughter was sensing that her mother was acting a bit out of place and that she looked out of place.

Patti sat closest to the door. When we arrived at the restaurant, the driver opened the side door, Lola and her daughter jumped up (She can walk! Miracle!!) and pushed past everyone to get out first.

In the restaurant, everyone ordered what they wanted. We decided to add Patti and her daughter's meal to her best friend's bill...and we all contributed to the cost afterwards. (Discretely, when Patti and her daughter were in the rest room.) Of course Lola and her daughter did not contribute. No surprise there.)

Lola ordered a multitude of drinks for herself. Her daughter ordered 4 different kinds of pop (soda) and a milkshake! Yikes. A few of us shared knowing glances...but with the separate bills, we figured we would be ok.

Lola was loud, demanding and picking food off of the plates around her with her fork. (Food from other people's plates!!) Disgusting. Her daughter (16) burst into tears that the restaurant did not have Chicken Fingers and Fries. Drama drama drama.

We tried to focus on our friend as much as possible. The bills came...we all paid separately. I assume Lola paid her own way.....there was no drama over the bill that I saw. We had previously agreed to add a large tip to our bill, to cover off what we expected Lola not to pay.

Drive home went ok. We switched seats so the same people did not have to sit beside Lola and her daughter. That was nice.

When we arrived home, the show began. Everyone got out of the limo except Patty and Lola.

Lola SAT ON THE FLOOR......in front of Patty screaming "I CAN'T WALK! What is WRONG WITH ME?? Someone HELP ME!!!!!!!! H E L P!!!!!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!!!!!"

Keep in mind she is doing this to a dying woman.

Patti looked at her and said "Get up. And GET OUT. I need you OUT because ***I*** need to get out."

Lola said ok, hopped up and got out.

The limo was taking our kids for a quick spin around the block.....Best friend started to collect money for the tip. Lola told her to "F$#@ Off" and started screaming and yelling at the best friend. "YOU think YOU are bETTER than everyone!!!!!!!!! Just because YOU have more money than me....."

She continued on...everyone ignored her little temper tantrum. She ended off storming off and leaving. The rest of us covered the limo tip that was short...and called it a night.

All in all it was okay. Patti seemed very happy most of the time. She was exhausted after the fact....and we are almost a week later....Patti still doesn't see the humour in what Lola brought to the party....but we all do.

On a serious note. Patti is worried about Lola going to see her / setting up camp in the Palliative hospice home once it gets to that point. We are working on a plan for when that happens, so we can be proactive.

On a serious note. Patti is worried about Lola going to see her / setting up camp in the Palliative hospice home once it gets to that point. We are working on a plan for when that happens, so we can be proactive.

Working with the staff at the hospice and informing them of this "friends" tendencies would probably be the best course of action.

Ok, I was a little confused with the update, in the original post your friend was Lola and the hanger on was Patty!

I'm glad your friend had a good time, it sounds like a wonderful birthday for her. I agree with being proactive to keep the hanger on from taking over when hospice care is involved. I hope everything goes well.

Logged

English doesn't borrow from other languages, it follows them down dark alleys and beats them up and searches their pockets for loose grammar.

On a serious note. Patti is worried about Lola going to see her / setting up camp in the Palliative hospice home once it gets to that point. We are working on a plan for when that happens, so we can be proactive.

Working with the staff at the hospice and informing them of this "friends" tendencies would probably be the best course of action.

Absolutely. Ask the hospice people to help be the "bad guys" and keep the loud friend out/step in and tell her its time to leave whenever necessary. Hearing "She's not up for visitors right now, call later and we'll let you know." and "She's exhausted, time for you to go!" will probably mean more coming from them than if one of you tried it. I could see her saying "Screw off, you're here so why can't I be?" and making a big scene.

I hate to even go here but I hope someone has planned to put away any valuables that might be around when your dear friend's health really declines. We've heard so many stories of nasty people who swoop in immediately and try the old "She wanted me to have that, I'll just take it now." I imagine the mooching friend will find a sudden burst of strength for carrying things to the car.