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Carlos Xuma Says... Try this on for size.

Do you know about the RULES for women? Do you want to know how to counter her tests and games? Do you know where to touch women to give them the chills and turn them on to you?

Continue reading and you will.

QUESTION

I still don't understand how to deepen a woman's attraction for me.
I am good at getting a number as well as getting a first hang out, but
that's where the problems start.

Since I am clueless as far as deepening their attraction it instantly
becomes like we're just friends when we hang out. And if I move in for
a kiss, at any point, it's like they're surprised that someone they
thought of as a friend would do that. It's amazing how quickly this
friends veil gets thrown over me. It's like at any point I try to move
along the Dating Continuum, they pull the rug out from under me. I
don't think it's simply a question of rapport because I've gotten that
and it still amounts to surprise/rejection if I move in for a kiss. Or
even worse sometimes they'll go with the kiss and then won't hang out
with me again because it wasn't what they wanted from me.

I know what it's like to be in control with a woman, unfortunately the
only times I've had it in my life are the rare occasions that a woman
has just taken a liking to me before she even knows me. Then it's
smooth and easy sailing.

CARLOS ANSWERS

I think I know where you're coming from on this one.
Try this on for size:

You feel like you're in a rut. You start out with this nagging feeling
that the only women you can attract are the ones that are ALREADY
attracted to you. You even probably feel that you are ENTITLED to some
results for the amount of effort you put in. It's hard to feel
comfortable when you have this nagging frustration that the next one
is going to turn out like the last one.

Take a step back.

Breathe.

When you've perceived this issue for this long, you're going to have a
LJBF ("Let's Just Be Friends") vibe to you, no matter what you may
think. For the longest time, I would sit there thinking, "But I'm not
doing anything WRONG! I'm acting the way I know I should, but they're
not responding!!" And I'd beat my head against the wall figuring that
what I was told to do wasn't working for me. That I was such a loser
at this game that I was the exception to the rule about getting women
attracted.

It took a while for me to let go of that strange mix of frustration
and hostility. No matter how long you've been perceiving this problem,
there comes a time when you have to accept that the problem is only
there because of BEHAVIOR. YOUR behavior.

Then you have to let go of the belief that there is something
especially WRONG about you that keeps you from succeeding where others
do. These tactics and strategies work because they form the foundation
of a persuasive, charismatic, confident male that women are attracted
to.

Now, given that there will always be some women who are not attracted
to you for any number of reasons, going all the way back to the time
they didn't get a kitty for their eighth birthday, you can still get
more success with more women. You can't get EVERY woman, but you can
always get MORE than you currently are.

It starts with that all-important attitude, or "vibe" if you will.
This is not an instant cure-all, but it is an absolute MUST for any
future successes.

Your confidence and cool demeanor is immediately sabotaged when you're
thinking something differently underneath. You can't be James Bond AND
thinking "Gosh, I hope I don't lose this fight with the evil henchman,
or I'm screwed!" Any difference between what you believe and what you
say is immediately broadcasted to a woman. You may not think so, but
it is. You must be completely comfortable with yourself in a way that
communicates itself to her.

I could hear the frustration in your words. Now, if I can pick up on
that in your EMAIL, imagine what you're communicating in the tone and
expression and body language you give to HER.

Have you ever watched a movie where you saw
an actor saying his lines with ease, and even putting in a decent
performance, but you KNEW deep down that he wasn't really into it? (I'm
thinking Robert DeNiro in the last 10 years.) Sure, all the words were
there, but you could see in their eyes that something just wasn't jiving
between their acting and the role. They weren't CONVINCING.

This is what it's like when a guy is caught up in the focus of his
frustration and need for results as opposed to going along with the
process. It's a lot like when you're laying awake in bed, worrying over
falling asleep, which keeps you from falling asleep. No matter how much
you TRY, you have to let go of TRYING to actually fall asleep.

Remember a success: Think back to a time when everything seemed to fall
into place. You were relaxed. You probably didn't even care if the gal
was interested in you. You found the right things to say. Deep inside,
you felt a calm SURENESS that helped you find the words and the actions.
You were coming from an entirely different attitude, and that attitude
conveyed your confidence in a way that cannot be verbalized.

As a side-note...
You guys should also know about the kiss test by now. There's no reason
you should ever go for a kiss wondering if she'll return it. You must
always know beforehand, and save yourself a lot of anguish later on. Use
the test instead of waiting for your end-of-date surprise.

Keep in mind that unless there is an immediate chemistry between you and
a woman, you'll start out in a neutral station with her. It's up to you
to demonstrate the behaviors that PULL her in rather than letting her
LJBF you.

Some of the things you must actively do:

- Tease her on occasion. This communicates a person who doesn't need a
woman's approval.
- Find ways to affectionately touch her (covered thoroughly in the
Kinesthetics part of the e-book.)
- Use emotionally charged language and excitement questions (covered in
the Audio Coaching.)
- Use cocky, playful humor. MAKE HER LAUGH. This is probably the MOST
important to do. Don't do this in self-deprecating ways, but find the
humor around you and use it to make the conversation sparkle with FUN.

Use that as a starting checklist to go along with the pre-date checklist
from Session 2. Make sure you're doing ALL of them - especially the
humor. If you're not comfortable and having fun, a woman is not going to
either. Sad to say, but most other people look to the people they're
with to validate their own experiences. You must lead her to the fun she
wants to have.

You're right; rapport isn't enough. That just gets some commonality
going, but it doesn't start the charge of excitement and sexual tension
between you. That's where you should target your effort.

There are a lot of things you're doing RIGHT, though. You're getting the
numbers. You're getting the meetings. You're going for the inevitable
conclusion - kiss or no kiss.

You're getting in the sandbox and getting dirty. That's 90% of the game.
(Though, I realize it's not enough of a consolation.) Now you just have
to improve your skills along the path, and find a way to relax and be
comfortable with women as well.

Take a step back. Go out with women just to enjoy their company. Get
back in the swing of being with other women for the sake of how you can
make THEM feel. Get to the place where you don't want them to want you
for more than friends, and lose that air of NEED. Only then will you
find that zone where you can start to really practice the strategies and
see results.

QUESTION

Hi!
I would like to ask you a question too. I read lots of your stuff and i
had to admit it that i have changed a bit since i started reading.

I admit it that i am still a bit shy but i progrest a lot and now i
start not letting the girls play me, i try to play them. The problem is
that i flirt with girls and put my spell on them but i don't know when
it hits them, i mean how much does it work and if i can get to the next
step. I'll tell you a propere example: I was in a disco Friday night
with some friends having fun and at one moment an old girlfriend which i
liked and haven't been to the disco from a long time came in and said
hello. She said she will make a tour so she can see if she knows anyone
else.

Surprisingly she came back and told me she didn't find anyone
interesting and that she will stay with my group. So we danced and
talked a lot. At the end she told me if i can go with her till the end
of the street so she won't go alone and i did. We stopt there and talked
some more. i asked her what happened that she came to the disco and she
gave me some bulls*it.So i kissed her on the cheek as an old friend and
left. My question is should i have tried to kiss her or not? Was she
just tring to play me or not? How can i know for sure if a woman is
ready for a kiss? Are there some signs or i should tell her something
and i'll figure it out from the answer? Thanks a lot .

CARLOS ANSWERS

I need to start off by saying this: It's not about "playing" anyone. I
do not condone manipulation of people for the sake of "playing" them.
This isn't about lording power over women - it's about how to initiate
their attraction (while building your own confidence) so that you can
feel comfortable enough to go after the women you want.

There are a lot of guys who resent that women hold the keys to the
secret desired chamber of the castle called "S - E - X." Some guys get
angry and decide that they want to go out there and "play" women. (Some
women play men for their own anger.)

To all of you who harbor this hidden frustration: GET OVER IT.

There, I'm stepping down off my soapbox. I hate getting off on a rant,
but...
Wait, I actually do love getting off on rants. I just want everyone out
there on the same page as far as the source of the attitude you must
come from.

Now, as to your situation, the first thing I would have busted this girl
on is coming over to me and saying that since she didn't find anyone
"interesting" and that you should feel privileged for her presence. What
an insult!

And you said, "Surprisingly." Why was it so surprising that she came
back? Because you didn't think she'd lower herself? Check that belief
system.

She stooped to hang out with you, so you got some interaction anyway.
That's a start.

My answers to your questions, in order, are:

- Should you have tried to kiss her or not?
YES. What do you have to lose? Nothing. If you don't try, you don't get
a kiss. If you do try, you'll either get a kiss, or not. What you're
really fearful of is the rejection, and avoiding that possible outcome.

- Was she just tring to play you or not?
There's that "play" word again. I have no idea if she was trying to play
you. Kiss her and find out.

- How can you know for sure if a woman is ready for a kiss? Are there
some signs or I should tell her something and I'll figure it out from
the answer?

What you're doing is trying to find some special, mystical way to avoid
taking a risk. The only way to know if she wants to kiss you or not is
to kiss her.

You're always going to have to risk in order to get a reward. It's easy
to go out there and hope that you can avoid any possible rejection, but
the man who does not put anything of himself on the line is not playing
the game to win, but to NOT LOSE. And if you "play" it this way, you can
never really win.

As for how to tell if a woman is ready for a kiss, I've got it covered
in my e-book. Go here: http://www.datingdynamics.com

Download my e-book. Read it. And you'll really understand why there's no
need to look for "signs." And I'll even tell you how to play the game so
that rejection is not your fear.

With a little understanding, you can improve your confidence going into
situations like this, and that ghoul of rejection will leave you alone.
It ALWAYS loses its sting the more you face it and put it into proper
perspective. Absolutely, guaranteed.

Which leads me to this: You know that women are getting more and more
picky about men, and they can sniff out inferior guys with just a whiff
of your confidence. And to stand out you MUST have the edge on the other
guys out there. You need to be a REAL MAN, not this sissie-fied cartoon
man that the media sells you.

The Dating Black Book is for the guy who wants the whole dating
scene explained, and all the inner-workings of the social dynamics involving his interactions with women.
It's available here