Friday, April 11, 2008

failure and success

This week's Illustration Friday theme, fail, actually caused me to think (!) about the nature of failure and its flip side, success. Just yesterday I received a fatal 'declined' from a juried show submission and though you'd think it would just roll off me by now (especially since I was asked to jury this show ~ how ironic is that?), I still feel like a capital L loser whenever this happens ... though I'll confess that my first reaction is always, "What's wrong with them?" not "What's wrong with me?" :) I do well enough to have to use an accountant to sort out my taxes -- all income from my art -- so what am I fretting about? I'm at the stage now that I wish I'd saved all my 'declined' slips, like the novelist who papers the walls of his garret with rejection letters, as a kind of celebration of my efforts.

See, I realize now that it really is about efforts and that many of my failures are not necessarily all about me. I had a friend who finally screwed up the courage to submit a fabric piece to a juried show of textile arts. When she was refused she found it so devastating that she decided to never enter another, and retired quietly to work in the $100,000 studio she had built in her backyard. Maybe I just have a bigger ego (OK, there's no question that I have a bigger ego), but giving up seems like a bigger failure to me. (Ask me again when I find myself behind the counter at Timmy's, not having touched a paintbrush in months.) However, I was lucky that the first piece I ever submitted to an important juried show, way back in 2002, was accepted (see right). And before anyone lectures me about success being independent of prestige and commerce, save it for the pulpit. That's a whole other blog post.

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But here's a success I want to crow about and it's not even mine. My kids are, at this moment, both taking part in their school's 30 Hour Faminefor World Vision. They raised $320 between them. I love this event, and World Vision in general. Naturally I look at my skinny boys and the Michelina's grandmother in me thinks they'll shrivel up and blow away if they go without food for more than four hours ... but I'll get through it. Their school, a small 8-12 school of about 700 students in a middle-class neighbourhood in a less-desirable suburb, has consistently been the top money earner in Canada, including last year when they raised $32,000. The only school that has raised more overall since 1992 is a very exclusive private school within Canada's most expensive postal code.

25 Comments:

Putting all of the internal politics aside, Art is a different beast. My daughters live in the 'Dance' world and I have friends who paint and write. It is so different than being an office drone filing forms 9-5 in some gargantuan grey building or fixing sticky lifters on a duct-taped rusty old '93 Buick.

You should be very proud of the fact that you have the courage to put your heart on your sleeve, hold out your baby and ask if someone 'likes' it.That is incredibly brave. I think it is amazing. Most people work full time at perfecting their ability to be indistinguishable, innocuous, and invisible. They are afraid to expose themselves in case they make a mistake or somebody doesn't 'like' them.So what!

Must agree with both of the above comments (donnnn said it very eloquently). And with you too. True failure is giving up or not even trying.

And I would love a site called "this was rejected by"! It would be fun, and probably prove just how subjective this whole art business is. Rejection in something like a juried show is just one small group's subjective opinion, and not really anything to do with the intrinsic value of the artwork itself.

Nice trophy! Ignore the rejection letters and only pay attention to the acceptance letters (I know it's hard, I have a filing cabinet full of letters of rejection ;o). Everyone has failed and in fact, I think it is the only way to succeed. As the others said, Just keep trying!

Damn. After reading Teresa's very kind comment, my fears that people might read this as a "poor, pathetic, unsuccessful me -- I sure suck" post were coming true, which is so NOT what I'm trying to say, so I felt compelled to add these words: "I'll confess that my first reaction is always, "What's wrong with them?" not "What's wrong with me?" I do well enough to have to use an accountant to sort out my taxes -- all income from my art -- so what am I fretting about?" I'm still stumped by vastly different interpretations of what I've written. I guess that's why I paint rather than write! :) (And Angela and Donn: thanks for getting it.)

Really great post Andrea. I enjoyed every word of it. I too have thought Timmys looked especially good now and again after what I deem a "big" failure. I remember being on an artist tour with a fellow artist who made cerammic plates, mugs, etc. During the entire weekend he sold almost everything and I walked away having sold not a thing.... That was a hard pill to swallow but I moved on. I've realized life is just about picking yourself up and moving on. Besides what's the alternative...I make a crummy cup of coffee.Cheers

So good. I love what you wrote here about the flip side of failure. I strive for the courage you speak of, and fear that I may land up in the back yard studio, or as Donn so eloquently stated- perfecting some dull filing system all alone.

I wish I could think of a deep and meaningful comment to make ... but I can't!!! Really I just wanted to say 'hello' and say that I think your pictures and your posts are fab. I've been re-reading your blog (all the previous posts) and there's so much good stuff in it!

I know from which direction you're coming. You manage to sell (some of) your work, and you most certainy are showered with praise from impecunious would-be buyers!Art (whether writing, music or visual) is fraught with these tempting little carrots. And you are right in that failure is acceptance of low worth.I think some wise man (woman?) said the only failure is acceptance of defeat.I hope you've got the oven fired-up for the end of the "famine."

Andrea, YOu echoed the advice from my favorite guilty pleasure TV show, 'What Not To Wear' When you try on clothes and they don't fit right, it's not YOU , it is the clothes, move on. Same with submissions, its not your rork, its their perception (which of course comes with hidden agendas and personal biases), so..move on! I once entered a juried show in which the juror dismissed most piecse, mine included. In his statement posted at teh opening referred to him only being able to pick the least of the worse art available!!! Clearly this was not my problem!

You silly girl! That IS funny! When I was in California, I saw a store called 'Tight Assets.' I wanted to get a picture, but never did. I love learning new words and keep a dictionary within reach at all times, and a Spanish dictionary too, believe it or not, because for some reason, I come upon plenty of Spanish/Latin/Hispanic language too, and I hate not understanding. The English language is always changing, don't we know. I have been looking into how American Indians native languages have been lost, are near lost, or have those trying to save and revive theirs. Lately with teenagers, and young adults around, I have had to refer to the Urban dictionary. Now that really makes me feel like I'll never get it. Once they're 'mostly' moved out, I'll be back in the dark with the less threatening, though more familiar 'regular ol' dictionary.'As far as your post, Andrea, say what you mean, mean what you say. That's what I like best. Honesty is one of your best qualities.