Posts tagged ‘12’

Yesterday, my wife and I celebrated our 12th anniversary. We celebrated at home, with the boys and a home-cooked meal. I created the following puzzle to fill the time between dinner and dessert.

Each of the 12 answers in this puzzle is a 12-letter word that contains the letters X, I, and I, a reference to the Roman numeral XII. Those three letters appear in the proper order, though they may be separated by other letters.

For example, if you were given the clue, “Of or relating to the study of flags,” you would say, “VEXILLOLOGIC,” which consists of 12 letters and has X, I, and I as the third, fourth, and eleventh letters, respectively.

Below are the clues, each presented in two parts. The first part is the real clue, and the second part in italics is a fun addendum specifically for our anniversary.

Enjoy, and good luck!

Device for putting out a fire, like the one I needed when mommy set my heart ablaze.

Feeling of excitement or elation, like the feeling I had when mommy said, “I do!” (possibly arising from the trepidation that she might not).

Insufficient oxygen due to abnormal breathing, which I experience regularly when mommy kisses me.

Lowest part of the sternum, which holds in the abdominal diaphragm and prevents me from experiencing asphyxia when mommy is nearby.

Someone who takes money or other things through force or threats, which you might call mommy for stealing my heart.

State of being so happy (or drunk) as to lose control of your faculties or behavior, which is the state I’ve been in since I fell in love with mommy.

Someone who loves and studies words, like mommy and daddy.

Serving as an example, like how I serve as a warning to women about why they shouldn’t get married.

Someone who studies the adverse effects of chemicals on humans, like the scientist who told me that mommy’s love is as addictive as Vicodin.

Torturous, intensely painful, or mentally agonizing, which are three ways that mommy has occasionally described living with me.

To increase as much as possible, or the process of trying to find the best option, like the one I used to find the best wife in the world.

In the US, a 1 followed by 51 zeroes; in the UK, a 1 followed by 96 zeroes, or how much I love mommy on a scale of 1 to 10.

Having trouble figuring out the answers? Well, I won’t give them to you, but if you search *x*i*i* at www.morewords.com, it’ll return all 666 words that contain X, I, and I in the proper order. That should significantly limit your search. You’ll then need to do a little work to figure out which 12-letter words fit the clues above.

Oh, good, you’ve arrived! Today is December 23, and below are some jokes to celebrate the Twelfth Day of Crisp Math. But if you’re sad that this glorious holiday is coming to an end, check back tomorrow for something extra special…

If you had 5 apples in one hand and 7 apples in other hand, what would you have?
Very large hands!

Since it is the last day, there should probably be a joke involving large numbers.

Take a positive integer n. No, wait, n is too large; take a positive integer k.

It’s the Eleventh Day of Crisp Math, the next‑to‑last day of this joyous season. Here’s a joke about being next‑to‑last.

In college, I took a math class with 600 other students, and I got the lowest score on the midterm. The scores were posted on the wall in the math building, and as I was looking at them, the guy who got the second-lowest score was making fun of me. “How’s it feel to have the lowest score?” he asked.

I said, “You really want to know?” The next day, I dropped the course.

It may be the Seventh Day of Crisp Math, but this waiter wasn’t so lucky.

The waiter could tell the man seated alone at the corner table was a mathematician by his order: “I’ll have the seven‑layer dip as an appetizer. For my entree, prime rib, dim sum, and the three-bean salad. To drink, a root beer, and pi for dessert, please.”

(The 50 napkins he had covered with equations were probably a big hint, too.)

About MJ4MF

The Math Jokes 4 Mathy Folks blog is an online extension to the book Math Jokes 4 Mathy Folks. The blog contains jokes submitted by readers, new jokes discovered by the author, details about speaking appearances and workshops, and other random bits of information that might be interesting to the strange folks who like math jokes.