Random thoughts from a few cantankerous American physicians. All contributors are board certified. Various specialties are represented here. I do not know where this will lead but hope it will at least be an enjoyable read. All of the names mentioned in this blog are pseudonyms, the ages have been changed, and in half the cases the gender as well. All photographs are published with patient consent or are digitally altered to preserve anonymity. Trust us, we're doctors.

After a discussion with a co-worker earlier this week, I have come to
a grim realization. Many in my line of work, myself included, are
addicted. Or are we dependent? I’m wrestling between the two
definitions. It doesn’t help that when I reference the definition for
the word “dependence” its definition includes the term “addiction.” The
thin line I have used at work to distinguish between the two is this:
does this person have a legitimate condition which led to the use of
this “drug” in the first place?

I am ashamed to admit
that I cannot clearly identify whether I have a psychological or
physiologic need for my drug. I’ve been a user for 18 years, on and
off! I don’t know if I could ever stop. Even if the drug starts
destroying my body, which it feels like it has, I’m not sure I could
quit. I could change drugs, but worry that I wouldn’t get the same
high. Not to mention that this drug is so easily accessible. Other
drugs would cost more, or I would have to look harder to find them. If I
switch to a new drug, it might be harder to get high. I have spent
long periods of time without it, but my co-workers will tell you that if
I haven’t used in a few days, their first clue is that I look run
down. I become easily irritable. I stop wearing makeup or doing my
hair because I feel so crappy on the inside, I want it to show on the
outside. But when I get my fix, the world starts spinning on its axis
again. Even though a few of the drug’s effects are physically painful, I
feel great. I wake up at 4am because I want to get my fix before
clinic opens at 6:30.

Until recently, I didn’t think I
experienced withdrawal symptoms when I didn’t use. Today, I didn’t use
until later in the day. When I did, it was because I felt like crap.
I’d been dragging ass all day. I assumed it was because I was up
feeding the baby in the middle of the night, but not even a 2 hour nap
in the mid-morning helped. It wasn’t until I went in the garage and got
high that I felt right again.

you should try oxycodone... it's much less taxing on your body, at least initially, and you can sit calmly on the couch and chillax. it's quite the rage these days, everyone is doing it. running? that's how you get stress fractures.

oh, and to poke my finger in the eye of the 'addiction' school.... you need to admit your powerlessness over your addiction, you need to admit you have a problem. if you don't do this you are in denial. then you must do the twelve steps (without running) and then you will be in recovery from this disease for the rest of your life. oh, by the way, relapses are part of your recovery so expect them. make sense? it's called 'science'. and careful, the disease is catchin'.

So many Questions...You get high in the garage too?and what clinic opens at 6:30am?Oh yeah, that 2hr midmorning nap.Gee, I'd like to have a job where I could take a 2hr midmorning nap, Oh yeah, I do.and you can't use the word your trying to define in the definition, gotta fix that if you wanta move up the Medical Provider Food Chain...Thought this was one of 9-11's posts till I got to the part about hair and makeup...and I used to run, back in the day, even have a Peachtree Roadrace T-shirt from 1983, back when they didnt care if you ran the whole 10K.and Rosie Ruiz is still the winner of the 1980 Boston Marathon in my book...but it came down to running, or my significant other, and the running was just causing to much time away from my real love,smoking.And you ever try running 5 miles AFTER sex?Or while your (redacted)? almost got arrested...Or while your stuck in traffic? or while a crew of Equadorans mulch your backyard?(ya gotta mulch)you'd just look rediculous.or try to have a meaningful conservation with your daughter, you know, the one where you try and subluminally turn them against men, while your running?it'd be like "Gasp, Men, Huff, Suck, Puff, Wheeze"instead of Rico Suave-ly blowing a smoke ring, lighting your daughters Marlboro light with one hand, tossing a ball for the dog with the other, while pretending to listen to there latest tail of romantic woe...Or even creepier, run with your Mom?nope, theres some thangs that only go good with a Cigarette,like takin a dumpand ya gotta do somethin bout that nickname, cause it's too close to "Drop Trou"see, thats a Girl Thang, yall don't ridicule each others physical and social shortcomings openly, like we Mens do, its why yall get your pantys in a wad at expressions like "panty's in a wad"...

Frank, maybe you'll move a little further up the medical food chain if you stop using apostrophes to pluralize words like panty. Last I checked, the plural form of that particular word is "panties." :D Out-of-place apostrophes are one of those things that get my panties in a wad... or sand in my twa...

Whoa Sweet Thang! and who looks up "panties" in the dictionary anyway? and besides, if we're gonna go all English Comp, your post has 38 "I"s while my reply has only 5. and BTW 9-11 you used "Gender" wrong in the description of your blog, might wanta watch that...

I'm mostly better. I got to see the cauterization site on the rigid scope the other day and got to see the ENT pull out some huge boogers. It was cool. I think I am out of the danger zone, but I'm not quite fully back to it. Luckily I have this guvmn't job.... If I were in the ER right now I would be lamenting my position as doctor versus patient. When that starts happening, when you start wanting to trade with yoru patients... that's the big red flag don't you think? But I am on the mend for sure. Thanks SCRN.

Sorry, I just can't let this go.I'm Southern, thats what we do, its Heritage, not Hate, Yankee.Well maybe a little hate.and you know the last time I saw my Mom cry was when Dale Earnhart died...You used "Rigid" and "Pullout" in the same sentence.I'd almost call you a Homo, but you redeemed yourself with the "Danger Zone" reference.And your not a real Sand Crab till you tell us how much your elective medical procedure would have cost if you wernt firmly planted on the Government teat...Hey, I used to do the same thing when I used to sit in the Sauna,Some creepy dude would come in, plomp down right next to me, when there was a whole Sauna's worth of empty spaces,I'd say, "Guess how much my Vasectomy cost"then they'd leave before they even broke a decent Schwitz...

I had to look up WTH Dance Moms was -- which makes me wonder how stir crazy you got recovering at home. Idol is not that bad, well yes it is,you can't deny the three at Ali's benefit were great, tho. She's a big deal around home.