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Without accredited hangover clinics, sufferers will continue to concoct their own dangerous, unproven back-alley remedies like the Prairie Oyster.

Every weekend, countless Americans suffer from crippling migraines, nausea and apathetic television watching. Why countless? Because nobody is counting.

Hello, we’re The Guys, and we’d like to take a momentary break from comedy to talk about a serious medical crisis in this country: the hangover. We’ve all suffered them. And yet we know so little about them.

For instance: U.S. companies estimate that they spend over $148 billion dollars every year to cover paid sick days or lackluster, irritable performance while trying to “soldier” through a hangover. And while other illnesses are brought on by what some would consider irresponsible or even immoral behavior, like mono or tennis elbow, there is almost no funding allocated to researching this more common ailment.

But, we and Alyson Mitchell — a professor and John Kinsella Chair in the department of food science and technology at the University of California, Davis — want to change that. And we need your help.

By donating to the SeriouslyGuys We’re Doing Important Scientific Hangover Research Foundation, you’ll be providing The Guys with the means to pioneer career- and marriage-saving medical procedures. Every dollar you donate will go towards supplies for our experiments, which could one day lead to effective treatment or even a cure.

Manners are an ever-evolving contract that society signed to avoid embarrassing and thoughtless behavior, or what the French termed “faux pas” in between giving English-speakers the wrong directions to the Louvre.

Our earliest etiquette rule comes from, ironically enough, our earliest ancestors, who decided it would be more polite to fathers if the groom clubbed their daughters prior to dragging them off, which is much quieter than all that previous kicking and screaming. From there, we invented “please,” “thank you” and “I’m sorry” to express polite requests, gratitude and, “Would you just shut up about your car already?”

Even today, we are making greater strides towards a more polite world, even when we can’t see it right away. For instance, when police officers began spraying people sitting outside in New York City and the University of California, Davis without repercussion, who knew that ordinary people would start doing the same to humbly ask for the last Xbox? It is clear that the moratorium we once held on not spraying s#@t in other people’s eyes has been lifted, and I for one am glad to see this day. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Spray it, don’t say it