Nonetheless, it’s the job of Jill Lesser, the head of the Center for Copyright Information, to try and justify this thing. And while answering another question, she happened to reveal to pirates how to get around it completely.

One of the issues is the question of what happens when somebody inevitably steals your WiFi and sticks you with the consequences, something that has bitten the RIAA before. Especially for users of Wi-Fi in public spaces, like coffee shops, that are likely soon to be chock-full of pirates looking to steal using someone else’s WiFi.

In the middle of trying not to say “This thing is going to be a bigger legal disaster than the Megaupload case”, Lesser dropped this gem:

As outlined and agreed to in the CCI Memorandum of Understanding, residential Internet accounts are the focus of our program. The vast majority of businesses, including those like Starbucks that provide legitimate open Wi-Fi connections, will have an Internet connection that is tailored to a business operation and these business networks are not part of the CAS and will never be sent a Copyright Alert.

Lesser basically said “Small businesses have to get a business-class connection, or they can go screw”, but it’s worth noting that there is absolutely nothing whatsoever preventing you, the private citizen, from signing up for a business-class broadband service. It might cost a little more, but if you’re that dedicated to stealing, you probably won’t mind shelling out $85 for top-tier service.

Well, we’re sure this won’t end badly. Especially since those pirates the music industry is insisting are killing them don’t really exist according to independent studies.

Or using Tor. Or using proxy servers. Or using the library. Seriously, I know there’s a degree of delusion here more to do with “NAAAAAAAOOOO OUR BUSINESS MODEL IS NOT CHANGING EVERYBODY WANTS TO BUY ALBUMS!” than reality, but come on.