Sunday, October 31, 2010

I like it when the wind flips my hair up and down. But i Love it when you pave my hair away from my face... To see how bright my eyes can glow when youre around

I like it when my brain tells that im going home at the end of this monsoon, but i love how my heart hums that im gonna see you soon...

I like the idea of "Love at First Sight", but i love the truth that "I knew i loved you before i met you."

I like the way you punch me when i do something childish. But i love how you cure my swollen muscles through your kisses...

I like watching movies with you, but i love watching you watching me...

I like every hour, minute, second i spend with you, but i love how TIME stops when you kiss my lips, event- that the world cant miss.

i like the light, it makes me see things clearly. but ilove darkness. it makes me appreciate more the light that is you

i like your 'good nights' but i love waking up to another Better morning with you...

I like the realization that you love somebody else; but i love the fact that i can wait until that love fades and ours bloomi like hearing my name in a song; but i love it whenever youre the one singing it.

i like you for not liking me, but i love you, not because you dont love me, its because I do.

I like to be your servant & do everything you ask; but what i love the most is that youll be my one and only King.

Likes Love ko 'to; Loves 'Love Kita'.

I like how the stars twinkle on a dark summer night but i love how they shimmer in your eyes

I like ur tweets, coz through them i get to know ur fleeting toughts; i love ur DMs those few words thats only for my eyes to see.

Likes a wild rollercoaster ride; loves to ride life's laughters and cries as long as you are here by my side.

likes my once upon a time until it ended; loves a second once upon a time, oh when will it come?

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

I was talking to a friend this morning about the person I admire. As much as I wanted to explain the questions attached to the situation I only came up with one answer: he is a combination of two people I loved but altogether a league of his own. Funny isn’t it how feelings mysteriously sprout in an unexpected way, but as much as I wanted to believe that this might lead to love, I do know from experience that love fades when not nurtured, just like how love fades in a morning coffee as it turns cold. But love blooms too when you are needed, like water to flower or music to ears. To every form of love, there is always a beginning, a beginning I will call “taking chances”.

I do believe that love defines us, from the moment of ‘taking chances’ to the very moment of “I do’s” or the heartbreaking “I don’ts”. It’s through this we learn that not all choices are made in heaven, though true love is. We learn that every chance we take is a way to gain that piece of heaven that one day we might own for a meantime, realizing that sometimes it’s just borrowed and cannot be truly ours. But what matters is that we have experienced that piece, and that’s all but enough to take another chance and hope that someday another gift may come our way, this time it’ll stay for good. We just have to accept that every chance we take will take us to either: falling into rubble of stones or end up in the arms of somebody, saving us from that painful fall. So I guess we just have to enjoy the jump from the cliff and be ready of the outcome, not regretting that we took the chance to jump. But I daresay the timing of the jump is of the essence.

But then again, in the business of our mornings, there are chances that come our way that we didn’t even notice exists, chances, just for us. For us it’s just a fleeting love song but if we just take a closer look, admit to ourselves that we need to listen more intently, that love song is made not for everyone to hear but only made especially for us. Those magical chances I believe exist only rarely, they come not packaged by fate but lived thru the power of a man’s choice to love.

True, there’s always an end to every beginning and there’s always a new hello to every ending. That one hello that will stay and will linger forever, withstanding the test of eternity. That hello, a new choice, another chance to prove love exists.

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“What do you say to ‘taking chances’What do you say to ‘jumping off the edge’…?”

Monday, October 4, 2010

This is a song inspired by a poem of the same name by Mr. ASH677 to Mrs. ASH. Upon reading Ash677's poem around June last year, i felt this jolt of inspiration, and I rearranged his Poem to fit in this song, of course with his permission. Ive realised i havent posted this nice song here, and i do hope you enjoy it as much as i enjoyed making it, i tried my best to make it good, and for me to sound good, frustrated singer blah blahs. hehe. Its already a year old song, and it still makes me smile whenever i hear this.

IMAGE OF YOU11.06.09Music and Lyrics by ASH677 and Cloud Airheart

I opened my eyes this morningAnd there you were still sleepingOne hand outstretched to mineThe other cuddling our pillow

I took your hand, led it to my faceA warm tender comfort, ill surely missNights from now on, youll just be a silhouetteIts just me and an image of you

Chorus:And to wake up empty handedNo morning kiss to cherishNo tight hug that surely meltsMy heart and soulIts just me and the old radioAnd your static voice on the phoneAnd an image of youIn my heart and soul

Walking alone, driving aloneComing back home will be much harderTo see an empty chair, empty homeIts just me and an image of you

Chorus:And to wake up empty handedNo morning kiss to cherishNo tight hug that surely meltsMy heart and soulIts just me and the old radioAnd your static voice on the phoneAnd an image of youIn my heart and soul

Sunday, September 26, 2010

I instantly fell in love with this song and the Movie too (Camp Rock 2)! I watched it last week and Joe Jonas, (of course gorgeous as usual) and Demi lovato (so pretty) made me feel in love again, plus Nick Jonas and his love interest.

I like this kind of movie. Mga pang teenager. haha. Maybe, just maybe i havent experienced such kaya naeexcite ang senses ko when i watch movie themes like this and oh, the love at first sight and falling in love themes, oh boy you have no idea how much i wanted to experience it. the true one of course.

It was my first serene night after what has happened in the old pages of this life’s history. At last I have learned to let go, I really don’t know what has happened or what I have gained but at least im not troubled anymore. There comes a time that I encounter his name and I feel a little jolt in some bloody muscle inside, but It’s a strange sound now, not musically relevant nor an orchestral symbolism of something grand. The world indeed cant stop for someone who is sad and broken, it would continue to revolve around its axis never minding people who definitely will be left behind.

I woke up remembering the previous night, the night I burned the letters, deleted the messages, threw memento’s and cut all the strings attaching me with someone.

Grains of feeling scattered

all over the haunted bridgeStreet filled with fools, like distant thunders

Striking our hearts at glance

It wasn’t easy, picking up the feelings scattered in the floor. Its like picking a million tears, not wanting to be part of you again and you just ended up, mopping the floor dry, not wanting to slip down and hurt your ass. But you'd wish it would happen. I used to wish it would have been that easy. Its easier to be beaten up, every inch of the human flesh than to be in pain in that particular small part of the body.

I woke up a different person now. Shaved, clean, unbiased. Bruised, jaded, burned out no more. Looking at the mirror, I still have my self and that’s all that might matter in this life. Im my own hero after all. All the others left are strangers ready to strike a pose in someones life.

The August night melts

like the stars are clouded by mistYou seem so close like September’s grin

then cry all over again

Time flies so fast. It seems eternity that we parted from each other. You never said goodbye- when I said ill see you soon. You never said you cared – when I said I need you. You said nothings gonna be the same again – when I finally blurted out how much I have been through because of you. Those were your weapons that broke my fortress. I never really wanted anything that can harm someone nor making my stronghold strong. I really never really cared about myself. It seems im at the moment they call 'my Another Now'. A Now without you, A Now that only has me in it. The August is so far away, you were my September, and its ends tomorrow morning with a grin. You used to be the road that leads me home, now that road is blocked. I ve learned an alternate route, an alleyway without you.

Then I held your hand

upon my empty hearted chestI saw you as the smoke ascends

need to forgive, ill never regret

On my way to our meeting place, by choice I passed by your apartment. I did what I could to reach out to you previously, I know you know that I never abandoned you. But you never budged…

And then there you were, at last i saw your smiles. Andrew welcomed you back in his life. May be that was one of the reasons… Maybe you really don’t need someone like me anymore. I was like what you call people who's just pestering you around, an IPIS of sorts. you've fought a tough battle and I was glad you were smiling, im not sure if youre victorious, you never gave me the chance to know the real story.

I forgive you, maybe in time ill learn how to forget too.

For the last time, below the shade of the clouded sun I whispered my goodbye.

The plane awaits for me to board,

counted reasons- one to nineTo leave this place, beneath the sand lies gold,

I know now that life maybe unfair but its still beautiful and to finally realize its beauty is one of the reason we continue to live.

Ive learned now the reason why people kept on loving even though it almost always end up breaking our hearts. Because not loving at all is killing our opportunity to enjoy the reason and purpose that God has given us. We were created because of love, and thus we should live by it, full of love. Not loving is like not living this life at all.

Ride the clouds, over uneven hills

like a baby on a coaster rideJust whisper, the echo and the wind

will deliver the unsung surprise

I started to smile. I was riding the clouds once again. No strings attached anymore. Free though unloved by someone but full of it nonetheless. I understand now, wherever my feet will take me, ill never be alone. I know someones waiting for me to come back.

I arrived at the meeting place. The place my mom told me about last night. She told me that Someone wanted to meet me here. I was surprised that someone turned out to be someheavenly troupe. I wasn’t alone after all. Though ive lost someone I hold dear, I still have more important angels that will never leave me. mom was there all smiles, Daniel and Karen, dearest to my heart were there. Brian and Brix-full of love, was shouting my name. Jake and Janus, was waving their hands in glee. JR, my crush was there too, showing off his sparkly teeth.

“Hello!” my heart whisphered.

And so a tale of love and loss ends, to start a new life worth living and worth reminiscing.

I am like your dying month of AugustAnd you are my September SongUnspoken words, like wet candles, wont burn againCant be reborn like the October monsoon...

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Make my wish come trueLet darkness fade to lightShow me there's still hope, Show me it's not overBattles we can win, Our struggle﻿ lies withinWill we live to greet the dawnLove will not leave youHate will not heal youPromise me one day that peace shall reign

Monday, August 9, 2010

Burned foreverThe cold strings of laughterLet the fresh teardropsRot on the ground.Your lies’ survivalLed to a heartbeat’s deathWhat the fuck is friendshipIf were mutilated.

Used my lifeThey’re yours somehowThe way you own the cloudsDried that bloody round

Forever was the wordThat was lost in the darkThe ending was writtenBefore these lines arrivedAnd I was the manThat’s worth leaving behindNot wanting this waiting shedTo be your resting ground

A mangled spiritIn search for pleasureA predator on his kneesEnamored prey awaits his demiseA helpless angelOn a lonely plightBut beneath his haloLies a wicked heart.

Ill drift awayExhale me nowFly my heart up in the airOn his way to the clouds

Salvage the memoriesOf the lonely teardrop?To moisten the woundOr to bring us our doom?Save the laughterFrom burning forever?To bring back the frozen emotionOr to burn us till our expiration?

Forever was just a stupid wordIts just me and the ghost of your liesThe way you died without goodbyeThe way I bled the pain insideWhile your name spells my sadnessMine explains the reason whyAnd His is the only prefix from heavenThat changes the meaning of my life

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

It looks like its gonna rain todayand my hair is so full of that gelId like for him to see that im trying to be as cool as he was yesterday and todayThat depends if hed look at my way, or stop just to give that smile awayYeah i look like a plant, that doesnt have a planand im stuck in this elevator with my heart on handIm scared as always.

Then you would ask me"Hello Miggy, hows your day?"Then that strange feeling, so overwhelmingand oh, its seems like forever, like a movie's slow moThe fortress crumbled, your smile, i said Hello

And yeah the reason why i wrote thisIs for him to know what i feelFor him to feel what he cant seeFor him to see whats inside of me

I think a song is a good way to show things Coz He dont know how i feel when he say "Hello"He cant see hes so great on how he makes my face glowMakes me always wear the smile, to make me worthy enoughBut im ever the shy guy

Then you would ask me"Hello Miggy, hows your day?"Then that strange feeling, so overwhelmingand oh, its seems like forever, like a movie's slow moThe fortress crumbled, your smile, i said Hello

I guess i shouldnt be in a hurryits not a race, the road to the heart

anyway, but i cant seem to wait, for ive waited long enough, butIm looking forward on the dayThe day we learn to find each other and not to just wait and then we can start to love and live again, To have your smile with my every helloTo say that hello with love in our hearts

And then soon youd ask me"Hello Miggy, hows your day?"Then that strange feeling, so overwhelmingWhen we embrace and kiss each otherWho knows "US" might really happenFrom then on our love story will startand we would never put an end.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

IThe sun does not only shine on my faceBut I also feel the warm embrace From the ends of the hair to the heelFrom the food on the lips to the anal sceneAnd the clouds brings not emptinessOn the eyes, the ears, the hairy chestBrings only heightened chillsAnd all these lovely cheers

C1The heart’s on a marathonBrain’s HDD needs restorationStomach craves your sweetnessEyes only see your cutenessThe nose misses your freshnessEars are desperate for the voiceThat makes this the right choiceYeah they need you,Baby I need you…

IIThe rain that wets the cheeks at nightIs overpowered by the love insideEnabling the senses to have that mightHormones are acting upSebaceous glands are sleeping tightAnd the organs enjoy the party lightsAnd loneliness is out of sightCause you’re now here inside…

IIIIve known you for a month or twoBut my pulse, my nodes and secreted juiceMy blood and my one and only cerebellumSings “It might be you”Im hungry for that sweet caressRibcage needs embrace, nothing lessThe lips they care for yours, no one elseOK, Perineum region be cool.

IVBut now that you’re here beside meIt’s symmetrical- like serendipityA reality as true as the flexible spinal columnDecoding the pancreas for all that reasonsThe breath of fresh air that fills my system coreRefreshes the hypothalamus again, once moreReminds the forgotten aorta and the heart Chambers one, two, three and four!

VSystems are now in orderCardiovascular hearts you foreverNervous won’t break our pact, neverDigestive, he craves for you, kindly share…

Ever active Mr. Reproductive,Can make us very interactiveSkeletal’s blue print, you’re the missing clueIntegumentary will never feel forever blue…

A tight hug, my Muscles can now approveEndrocrine secretes the needed grooveSympathetic Lymphatic has something to proveExcretory surely won’t eject our love that is so good

Yeah they need you BooBaby I love you…

=)

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For the past week I have been suffering from slight insomnia, resulting again to my acne breakout, dark circles around the eyes and bulgy eyebags. Its my fault anyhow. Given the liberty of two extra hours for some “Me” time (I have been working for 12 hours for the past 4.5 years) I always find myself sleeping at 5:30pm just to wake up again at 7:00pm to brush my teeth, wash my face and watch re-runs of Heroes, thus making it difficult for me to catch another sleep. Ok last night was different. For the past few weeks I was meaning to write something again because its been a while since ive written a poem or a song, and yesterday the universe conspired to give me that jolt of inspiration. I made it a point not to fall asleep in the afternoon after work so I busied myself with Plants vs Zombies, watched TV and the re runs and listened to some music. And then Ive heard Martina Mcbride’s song “I Love You” and it hit me, “yeah this is one of my fave song in the world”. It felt something like ‘finding a 500 peso bill on one of my old notebooks that I hid from myself a few years ago’ or ‘eating your favorite ice cream after so many years”. With an idea on my mind and inspiration clinging inside the heart, I think I hit the right emotional chords combined with my funny bones. And thus the Anatomy Song was conceived. Its just that I don’t have my guitar anymore, I cant put the chords in their proper place...

After Ive finished this one… it made me smile. Isang napakalaking ngiti. =D

Thursday, July 22, 2010

A soulmate. That’s what they call it when someone has that deep affinity to another person. Like you to me. But the magic of two souls being connected is only true when they mutually feel the same attraction with one another, which is not yet true for the both of us. Still I am here, admiring you secretly. An admiration that if counted by the hands of the clock will only last for an hour or two and then after that, it will be replaced by something more cutting-edge, something more profound, that something called love, a tortured and blissful love to you, only you.

Does my love for you show when we are connected by a measly internet connection? Yes indeed. But the feeling is more pronounced the moment the weak connection is interrupted. Yes indeed, I love you more when the truth makes me realize that we are separated not only by distance and time but also by the sun that burns our steed, the oxygen that we breath , the soil that see us weep and the water that sums up our tears. This love is more obvious when your image in my head is replicated a million times, never wanting to be erased, scattered in every corner of the brain, latched and locked in every way possible, making your smile an indelible ink on my soul, making your entirety an unblemished mantra that the mind can never forget. But what can an image do but submerge you in every dream that my subconscious mind creates. Nothing concrete, no evidence in dreaming, dreams are only a sting of truth of “it might or might not happen to us” not unlike the true magic of your presence. The pinch on my arms that leaves the skin red, the memories of the night as I saw the used, crumpled bed sheets, even a whisper of my name from your lips will have a tremendous meaning more than my most lucid dream about you.

A song goes “When you love someone so deeply they become your life…” But wait, there goes that word again, “love”. It is very unfair to that word to be used multiple times by me though it doesn’t at all apply to my condition. Love is always a blend between ‘me’ and ‘you’. It always takes two to love to form ‘us’. It is a feeling shared by two persons who somehow harmonizes each other’s personality, makes the other stronger than usual. They are a one soul trapped into two separate entities, or two different Lego blocks that perfectly fit together, or a uniquely compatible heart jigsaw puzzle. Two people who makes even the unrhythmic rhyme sound so good. But that doesn’t apply to the two of us. Instead of us were just measly me and you. Me who is always alone, trying to figure out how not to be like the wind, strong yet cannot be seen and needing to find away to escape this desert just to belong in the big crowd of a city where You live and to witness everyday how the sun accentuates your lovely face, how by your mere presence would make time (who has his very rude talent of making him so fast when you’re enjoying life) stop. Maybe, just maybe, when finally you realize I’m there beside you, you’ll finally hear the silent, calming, joyful bells. Somehow you’ll realize that your time stops too when were together.

Making it all happen is not an ordinary feat. It is not like just wishing it on a falling star or asking a flower by tearing its petals if “you do or you don’t”. It is not something that can not be magically charmed or transfigured nor can’t be dreamt to reality. I just have to believe in fate’s power that you will find in me what I found in you and together we would eventually find an unavoidable love, serendipity at its finest form. At dawn I will bring you flowers, those wild flowers that were picked before the sun shines accentuated by the moist of morning dew. I want to share with you the gentle breeze of the morning air. I want to marvel on how you stretch your smooth legs as you go down the staircase and be amazed on how you smile and laugh on my corny jokes. How’d I hoped that someday we might share the same wondrous captivation, this unexplainable admiration, the inescapable wonderment. I want to know and protect your deepest secrets and fulfill your hearts wishes and desires. Let me shine in your life when you are tired and sad, when darkness and fear clouds everything. I want to be the one who will trace your unswayed strings and play the chords of our soul’s symphony. I want to be the one to peal the soft fabric that touches your skin, to untie and relinquish all of what you are so that you would be free from those which make your body and soul weak, to enable me to share my heat and strength to you to never again be swayed by darkness and fear. At the end of the day I want to watch how the moon shines upon your perfect face and feel how glorious it is to sleep beside the only one that meant the world to me.

I want to have an unending love story with you. A love that can withstand any typhoons or tsunamis or disasters that nature can muster. A love that has grown in humongous quality that a single status on twitter would make us a trending topic or just a single entry about us on a blog would make millions of hits. A love story that would be told through masterpiece paintings or a critically acclaimed film or a Billboard No. 1 song, but neither the tweeps nor the bloggers, neither the painters nor the composers, neither the moviemakers nor the novelists can ever encapsulate or express what we have become, no one can ever explain how You and I, two souls became just one, just Us. No other people can explain how I will offer my life for you and die just to live again forever by your side because of our love. No one could ever convey how the world comes to an end because of the power of our tremendous kiss just to be made whole again after we make love…

I want you Shade; I need you in my life…

Please leave all the worries and fears behind, I’m here patiently waiting for you in this lonely shed. Please don’t delay, unless otherwise the time that you spent away from me makes our first meeting a more passionate and unforgettable event in our lives. It makes me wonder how bright would be your first smile, how deep would be your exhalations, how warm would be our first touch, how handsome you would be on our first date, and the way we would start the day together and end it with a growing love in our hearts…

Finally I realize now how I started living again when I loved you and I know no other forces in this world can ever end it.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

There were those moments that I wake up in the middle of the night wishing it was already morning. I can’t stand to see you in my dreams. So tired of sleeping, wishing the cold bath of the summer morning can wash away all the memories of the unknown nights. Hating the mirror, angry at the face that will show up in front of me- afraid of how too much that I need to change just to get back on track and yes, normally live my life again. Forget about neither the sunblock nor the makeup, I have mastered to hide all of my scars and miseries with just one tiny armor- called smile. Though I’m not yet ready to face the new day, what can I do but charge on the battle unprepared each and every day of this life.

I can walk with my face up now, tears learned to contain themselves, away from the sunlight- but after the curtain falls and the show ends, sometimes they form different streams on the flesh- from that brown colored ball to the brown colored sand. That’s why I sleep without the lights, I am afraid to see their plight.

I can talk normally now and my fragile voice obeys me, persistent he has been, to forget the music of your name, the sweetness of how it rhymes with my love, the sound of it that rhymes with mine and how it crushed it into tiny little pieces. But even the obedient voice can have his flaw, and that is you. But now he learns how to speak your name, a name that is only a combination of letters no more, no less… only a word without meaning.

I can almost taste what we have become, and it is bland without even a tinge of excitement or thrill. The sweetness was actually artificial only, not genuine, not natural. It was only fabricated by the heart to believe that there was actually something true between the both of us, but there aint really. It was only good enough for a certain period just like all manufactured delicacies that we ate at the classy restaurant. And after the shelf life has expired, we were useless, tasteless-yes, but deadly, it has no value whatsoever, what a pity.

I can talk about you now, I don’t cry anymore. I can laugh a bit louder without you. It is a payment to all those forgotten happiness that you have taken away… Joys that I have permitted you to take away from me…

But things change. Waiting was my cup of tea… And as I wait in this lonesome world, I started to see a different hue, a different shade, a different sunrise, a more glorious sunset. I remembered to see the blue sky and how it makes me closer to the people who truly love me, the people that in my selfishness I have taken for granted, even forgotten for a while. I started to see a different shade of the life I should live for myself and not for you, a different Shade that I should wait… a Shade that I should search, the Shade that deserves my love, my everything, my life…

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Someone said that love breaks everything, makes the heart fail, ruins life, even kills. Nobody is exempted and no one will survive. But I got over you last night…

My eyes learned to dry the well that contains my tears…My voice finally forgot the music of your name…My ears cant remember the rhyme of our names I forgot the way my love for you feels… I cant recall the taste nor the smell of the pain after you left…

And yes im still alive.

I can almost feel the new wind now and how it warms my soul…and Im almost healed now…

---

Like a rock that looks upon the horizon… Scorched by life’s relentless heat, frozen by loves twisted chill and tortured by agonizing loneliness - ill patiently wait for my Shade.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

You’ll wake up one day and realize that the world has turned so dark that there is no difference between eyes closed and eyes wide open. It would seem that you have been alone all this time just like the night before and the days that were already gone. No one will wake you up, no friends to text you back, no family to reassure that you are still home, no teacher to appreciate your hard work, your boss will hate your reports, eager to let you go for you have proven youre just a liability. You’ll feel hope is all but lost and will never be found in this array, the world has turned its back on you, no shine, no light, no warmth and no assurance that there is still tomorrow. Just black and cold.

Will there still be reasons to go up and fix your bed, wash your head and run ahead of traffic just to get through another worthless day in your life…? Yeah sometimes it feels like shit is in your head, really.

Then you sit in one corner, the place where you used to feel heaven, but now just feels hell (well that’s the prize to pay when reminiscing good old days which will never happen again, bitterness kicking in), and you see your friends chatting merrily, people on the other corner laughing so hard it makes you sad, lovers holding hands as they spread the love around the street. And then you wonder why can’t you be like them…?

What the hell happened, what have you done wrong, have you inflicted so much pain to someone in the past to deserve this fate...? you ask yourself...

Why cant you be happy when you buy a new phone to connect to people, to friends, to love ones? or the newest gadget to boot? Why do you feel sad to know that someone is happy with somebody else? Why cant you fill your cup of happiness with the one night stand that happened to you the night before or the nice little chat you have in a party that you attended a week ago? You still feel empty whenever you hear that the boss has commended your report with the thought that there is no significant someone to congratulate and kiss you? You thought you have let go of the past just to realize that you haven’t when by chance you pass by the street when you and him have declared youre all over and done…? Why does the pain still linger in your system that all incoming happiness, have been one by one murdered, killed. The pain leaves a hole in the heart never wanting it to be filled with happiness.

On the bus, going home, you cry. The misty glass window of the cold bus blurs your vision and it hinders you to look outside the window to see the flickering hope that the darkness has in stored for you. Though the pain in your heart has left a gaping hole in the heart, it never failed to put a stopper in the drain of your eyes. You feel the intense emotions building up and the body, you thought was strong enough to contain it, weeps. You let them fall in your cheeks and unto your sleeves, leaving them to trail their rightful way from your eyes to the ground, wishing someone might wipe it for you, wishing that this someone is the one that made you cry.

You come home, and burns your food to reflect how burned out you have become and how messy this life can be. You turn the music so loud it hinders you to hear the hearts howl of pain and numbs the ear so that it could forget how the wind spells out the name, a name you yourself don’t want to forget. You read lots and lots of books to occupy the mind just to be reminded one more time about how you danced in the moonlight and how he has promised you the moons and the stars of the night. You’re heart is broken all right and it made you tear up your whole being, into tiny little pieces like a jigsaw puzzle that might take years and a special help to be put back together again, because you believe by doing so makes you feel the reality kicking in and brings you back to life once again. But what if the wind blew so strong it scattered the pieces to faraway places, what a nightmare, what darkness have you brought upon yourself.

In the silence of the day, in the darkness of the night, someday, in time, pain will subside. Youll have the reason to wipe the misty glass windowto enable you to see the little sparkling hope in the street. There is no need to burn the food you eat. Someday deafness will not be an option, no need to forget anything. Someday youll be fine, everything will be ok, things will turn out quite well, and youll again start to smile and see the beauty even immediately after you open your eyes from the scary night. In time.

Soon enough youll learn that hope has never left you at all, its like the wind that is caressing you at the face, sometimes slaps you, yes, when youre numb and crazy. Sooner or later youll learn that there is one thing that really matters in this world, the only one reason why the world still turns in its axis- love. Someday youll learn that love never wanted to harm anyone, its just the people that misuses it that turns the ordeal so hard for other people… One day we will all realize that quite inexplicably Love really fades during the solitude, cold night; for some it is just lost... but lets just always remember that being lost is so close to being found... but then of course Love in its truest form can be found, it is simply a matter of time. Once it is with us, even if the person who made us feel that truest form leaves, Love's warmth will linger on us forever. Let love open your eyes to the beauty of life, its even evident in the darkness of the darkest night, you just have to open your heart to see it.

Maybe someday, youll experience the pain again, and hopefully youll understand that without it we cannot appreciate true happiness, that all things that are easily achieved are not meant to last. Hope is always up, so get out of bed, fix your life and live your life to its fullest potential - that is to Love.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

It’s already 11pm and I can’t sleep. I used to sleep late yes, but since the acne on my left cheek is starting to make an uninvited appearance again makes me think otherwise. Indeed it’s a wise decision to sleep early as possible to prevent acne explosion of which I’ve deduced is due to my lack of sleep and stress.

But tonight’s a different night. I was about to go to sleep when I decided to listen to old OPM songs to once again be lost, eyes closed and hands above my heart, to somewhere I always wanted to be- a meadow with only the stars providing weak solitude lights. I used to do this when I was young, and carefree, when the entire world was just a playground, when shooting stars were fireworks that I used to count and make simple wishes. Those forgotten wishes, whether they came true or not, is not the question, but instead to what place the lost innocent feelings of the young me has taken refuge, the lost and distant me- as I was below the twinkling lights, as the old radio hums old songs speaking of true love and broken hearts.

And then it played, ‘the song that made me fall in love with you’. The one song that can relate to how much my old self wanted to make you love me too. The only song that reminds me how good and kind it is to love and how difficult it is to let go. But how come that my past with you is intertwined to my past with him… How can my history book combine my happy chapter with you with my tragic and heart rending arc with him… I am sorry but I cant even grasp the reason why. I can only guess.

Maybe our story happened for me to be prepared for his onslaught. Maybe you were the GOOD in the balance between good and evil. I hate to deduce that he is on the other end of the scale, but the unspeakable act that he has done to my soul, speaks otherwise.

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Ive read in an article, some months or a year back, that before we can grow up we must fall in love three times. The three “musts” in my own interpretation:

Once we must fall in love with someone who we believe to be perfect. The person who would be our ideal partner, qualities we almost always wanted to have, that someone so surreal that its like a dream standing, sitting, talking with him… and then at the end of the day, when finally he leaves and close the door with finality we will know that no one is perfect, that we should not be tied and belied with all those false interpretation that being perfect is always good. We will eventually realize that we too should be treated well, though imperfect, the way we deserved to be treated.

Once we must fall in love with our best friend, in turn breaking the strong bond of love called Phileo as it is replaced with a fragile bond called Eros. After the friendship is broken forever, we will eventually know the true meaning of companionship, trust, and compassion. At the end of the road we will know who our true friends are, and the thin thread that separates the great thing called friendship from all the other nonsense things.

And once we must fall in love with someone who mirrors our emotions, qualities and dreams. Through him we will know who we truly are as a person, as a lover and as a friend. Through him we will know what we really need in this life and what we wanted to become.

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I think I get it now, what that article meant. I fell in love with Sonny whom I always thought was perfect. He was the reason why I rarely admire people, he was indeed ideal, one of a kind… all the qualities I always wanted to have are with him, and thus I loved him. But in the end I wasn’t the perfect one for him. Through him I’ve learned how to love, how to hold on to the feelings and how to wait without even knowing if the road I travel alone is a dead end or not.

I fell in love with Lean whose name was synonymous to the word friendship, whom I always thought would never leave me. But after all things were said and done, I woke up one day alone, the bond of friendship, Phileo, broken forever. Through him I’ve learned how to love and lie at the same time, how to laugh and cry in unison, how to give without expecting anything in return, how to hold on to a promise only to be broken by the infallible truth that not all people who seems that they care, really do care… that not all people who speaks of true friendships, are really genuine. I’ve learned that lies can be intricately woven into situations of valor, of love, of need, of friendship.

I haven’t fallen for someone who mirrors me. Who knows maybe I’m grown up already and need not find this person. Maybe as I stare in the mirror numerous times in the morning I already knew what I wanted, who I am and who I wanted to become. Maybe.

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And now I realize that, even though we have the right to be protected from pain we do not have the right to cause the sufferings of others even if it means to be free from it. After what I have been through, I’ve realized it is easy for some to use all efforts to divert their pain into the sufferings of others… on the other hand it is easy for the other half to be the one suffering if it means to alleviate someone from pain. It is indeed a great mystery that the ones we hurt are the persons who love and cherish us. And the people who hurt us are the ones whose love makes us go on, that someone we need the most.

Ive realized that saying sorry in the end of all things isn’t always enough to mend the things we broke, to pay all the memories we shattered. Sorry does not give us the right to continue to live and just leave all the mess behind. It only gives us the reason to start from the beginning, in hopes that as we trudge the road to forgiveness we will learn to change for the better, through this we too can learn to forgive ourselves. It is hypocrisy to say that you know how to love and you are in love when someone else is in pain due to the awful things that you have done. Indeed a sound and peaceful heart and mind can only be achieved when all the sins are absolved, chaos is forgotten, and crimes are given justice. But beyond all things, there is a concept called love and through it forgiveness hopefully would spring…

Indeed love is never a word that needs definition. Love is something that grows when cared and turns cold when left behind. It is a sprout of hope for a new life, ready again to brace the storm. It is a friendship that blooms forever, withstanding the heat of the sun or the cold and cruelty of the winter’s regime. It is only perfect in all aspects when two imperfect persons unite, lifting them up in the air. It is looking in the mirror, and realizing that this earth is filled with all sorts of persons, yes, different from one another, but shares a common mission- that is to love and be loved in return.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

In this journey, there will be so many people who will walk into our life. Some will inspire us to walk on, move up and climb our way to higher ground, but some too will cling tight- to ruin us, to make us suffer, to give us pain and make us cry. But keep in mind that we permitted them to walk beside us- as they permitted us to walk beside them too. Of course some will walk out of you when you are at the road of nothingness, lost in the middle of no where. But there will always be someone who will stay, the person who will be the ‘road that leads you home’- thus the task is to know who amongst the thousand footprints on the desert sand will weather the scorching heat, the villainous wind, the cruel cold of the winter morning, with you. There is always someone- when someone leaves, someone will arrive; when someone makes you cry, for sure one day someone will make you laugh and wipe the tears in your eyes; when all people forget who you are, there will always be someone who will always remember how you loved him and how you changed his life.

It’s never the destination that matters; it is the journey and the people beside you that make life a wonderful adventure.

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You’ll always be,The reason why I’m so In loveBeyond the sands, I know you’re all I have

You’ll always be the ROAD THAT LEADS ME HOMEThe one who gave me hope to carry onIn these twisted pathsI know I’m not aloneEven though BENEATH THE SANDS ARE GOLDAnd my dreams started to unfoldWhat matters mostI know you’ll lead me home

Sunday, June 20, 2010

I was there in that shed, waiting for youDo i need cupid for a miracle to come true?Strangers of the night say it wont beginStars in the sky, there they'll remain

Am I blinded by the darkness within me,or Am I just numb coz of this sunless regime?Lovers here say they envy me,But its me who envies them, coz youre not here

Shadeless nightin ur eyes i found a blinding light,it overcomes the dark thats meyou just cant see me,but i see you shining in the darkSo let the warmth of the air dry my tearsDestroy all my darkest fearsLet it destroy the fortress' everlasting bondTonight might be at last, waiting's end

Give you all my darkness to revealWhat extinguishes the fire, let the spirit healLovely in this shade, youve given me your shineBurning eternally, not for sale, just for me

Used to be alone here, now your grip's so realUsed to be afraid of your light, now only warmth i feelUsed to be so weak inside, now youre my shieldUsed to bes are gone, its time for us to live

Shadeless nightin ur eyes i found a blinding light,it overcomes the dark thats meyou just cant see me,but i see you shining in this darkSo let the warmth of the air dry my tearsDestroy all my darkest fearsLet it destroy the fortress' everlasting bondTonight might be at last, waiting's end

i created a new blog that will house my compositions/poems. So in just a click it would all be there. in the span of five years ive created a number of songs/poems,some of which already graced this blog, the others will be posted soon, if i feel theyre already worth posting or should i say if the composition fits the feeling of a certain moment of my life, a repetition of the forgotten emotions... =D

Anyhow But Before You Go was written three years back, actually ive forgotten the story of this song, but let me see… ive always been the one left behind, so i guess from there the song was made.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

It was already past 10 in the morning and I just woke up and went to the CR to pee when Nelo calmly spoken the silent words, just outside my room yesterday morning. The tone of his voice seems so melancholy and I knew that there was a deluge of emotions trapped inside him.

“Bakit, anong nangyari? pasok ka muna sa kwarto.”

From the redness of his eyes I assumed that tears consumed him last night. His eyebags clearly states that sleep wasn’t his companion too. All I knew in that moment was that he bought a new phone, the same model as mine, yesterday- from there I was lost.

“Ang nanay ko, pumanaw na…”

Isnt it so sad that the first call that you will receive in your new phone would be a news that would break your heart...?

There was a long silence after he professed the source of his sadness. I couldn’t even look straight in his eyes and say the correct words that a friend should tell a friend to overcome such loneliness.

“Awww. Condolence… Im so sorry to hear that Nelo, tell me what I can do to make you feel better…”

“Ok lang ako, baka umuwi ako bukas na bukas din…”

For all the nonsense things that I worry about, my worries weren’t even a fraction of what he was into. I tried hard to make him smile, cause that’s what a friend should do I suppose, ive helped him load some songs in his phone, just to cheer him up… offered him coffee and chocolate, and most of all be there for him, beside him in this time of loneliness…

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In that sober morning conversation with Nelo, I cant help but think about my Inay and Tatay too. To lose someone you love so much is so hard to accept. I remember my Inay’s messages the previous days begging me to reply on her text messages. The problem is, I don’t feel like texting anyone during the last few days only to find out that my local SIM card’s outgoing services already expired, and the moment I wanted to really text my Inay, I cant. So I braced and battled the intensive heat of the desert and rushed to the nearest store to buy a card, to enable me to send my love to them, my family. It was a heavenly feeling after I reconnected with them again, the lump in my throat was gone… all I need to do is go home and be with them and make them feel how much we love them, their sons.

I really wanted to help Nelo, for I feel for him, mothers have a soft spot in my heart. He will go home tonight to his family in Leyte and my prayers are with him.