It's (usually) more complicated than that

Mar 03, 2012

Updated This week in The Slacktiverse, March 3/4 2012

The Blogaround

This week Ana Mardoll posted:Twilight: Women Behaving Badly
Lauren isn't ugly. It's right there in the manual: she's beautiful and blond and all the boys in school have dated her and vied for her attention. If the author turns that around and decides that, no, Lauren is totes ugly in this scene because she dares to needle the protagonist and if the narrative is first-person, this doesn't make Lauren seem ugly to the reader. It makes Bella seem rude and petty.

I'm going to be in DC on March 14 during the day. I'd love to meet with with any slacktivites in the area. I'll be around the National Gallery and the Mall area from about 10 am to 4:30 pm.

Coleslaw writes: It's one thing leads to another week on my blog. After the shortest tour of [jury] duty ever led to me thinking, "Wait! That's It?", I heard A Conversation on the way home between a lawyer and his troubled client. (Only half of the conversation, actually, but it wasn't hard to guess the other half.) Misplacing an item in the jury room lead me to reflect that there's lost, and then there's lost. That led to my cleaning my purse and sorting the mail, including some Travel Brochures, which I still have, because when my husband's around, there is no such thing as a rhetorical question.

Having celebrated Valentine's Day two weeks late, Storiteller this week contemplated some romantic - and less so - options in regards to food and cycling in Tasty, Two-Wheeled Romance. Then, she describes building a cold frame that will allow her to extend the gardening season in Just to Come in From the Cold.

Last week Ana Mardoll posted: Twilight: Existing to Serve White People
Jacob and Edward are not equal and opposite. They're not born from each other. Edward's existence controls aspects of Jacob's body, his life, his relatives, and his future soul-mate in ways that Jacob cannot avoid. Jacob does not have the chance or the choice to consent to these changes; Edward's very existence imposes them. In return, the only real effect that Jacob has on Edward's life is to provide information to a girl who Edward will not bring himself to be truthful to.

In case you missed this

MercuryBlue reports: (Trigger Warning: discussion of rape, incest, bestiality, and underage sex) Paypal is censoring Smashwords' content, and Smashwords would rather go on about how they should have known the content Paypal doesn't like is immoral (without, of course, defining any of the four categories for authors' benefit) than transfer to a payment processor that understands freedom of speech and 'your kink/squick is not my kink/squick and that's okay'. And Smashwords is big enough that not using Paypal is a viable option.

Sarah writes: I'm going to be in DC on March 14 during the day. I'd love to meet with with any slacktivites in the area. I'll be around the National Gallery and the Mall area from about 10 am to 4:30 pm.

MercuyBlue writes: this Kickstarter project is fundraising to start a magazine devoted to genre fiction about queer women (trans and asexual women explicitly included). As I type, they have less than $400 till launch and only till sometime on March 6 to raise the money.

From NARAL Pro-Choice America: We are inspired by Sandra Fluke, a law student at Georgetown University who continues to speak out in support of contraceptive coverage.

Her story has made headlines around the country. After a anti-choice committee chairman said she was not “qualified” to testify about birth control at a congressional hearing that featured an all-male panel, Fluke didn’t back down. She stood up for her beliefs...
On his national radio program, Limbaugh mocked the importance of birth control to women’s health and called Fluke a “slut.”

...
This isn't the first time Americans have witnessed Limbaugh’s despicable behavior and rhetoric – and we won’t let it go unanswered.

Go to We Stand with Sandra Fluke too read NARAL full statement and a petition calling on the local stations that carry Limbaugh’s program to drop him from their lineup for his reprehensible remarks about women.

--Co-authored by the Slacktiverse Community

The Slacktiverse is a community blog. Content reflects the individual opinions of the contributors. We welcome disagreement in the comment threads, and invite anyone who wishes to present an alternative interpretation of a situation to write and submit a post.

If I'm angry, it must be monday. My wife's heading back to work today after too-short a maternity leave, but them's the rules (I, as previously mentioned, got no leave at all for the birth of my son, just the usual "no, you should totally take as much time as you want. Oh, but we've got all these deadlines that we still absolutely have to meet. Take the week off once you finish doing this week's worth of work.") We feel slightly less like bad parents leaving our child in the care of paid strangers since he had a trial run last week and seemed not just accepting but actually happy and mentally invigorated by the change of scenery.

(TW: child endangerment)
I'm consumed by the fear that one or the other of us is going to let out brains slip out of gear one day and forget that the kid is in the car and leave him locked in a parking lot somewhere. (WHen we visited the Kennedy Space Center last year, one of the informational videos they show on the bus mentioned that the technology to keep you from forgetting that you've left your kid in the car was developed by engineers at the Kennedy Space Center. What they left out was the part I already knew: it was invented by an engineer who did just that one morning, and though they'd invented a cost-effective high-tech solution, they'd never found a company willing to produce and sell the product, because all the relevant companies knew such a product would never sell, since any potential buyer would have to first accept "Some day I might accidentally forget that my child is in the car and leave him or her in there," which hardly anyone is willing to do (When I mentioned that I really wanted to buy such a device to my co-workers, the immediate response was "Why would you need that? Are you planning to leave your child locked in the car?")
(end TW)

Quick precis: Teenage girl takes birth control for very bad periods. Classmates find out. Inspired by their mothers and Rush Limbaugh, they take the Bold Stand of Telling It Like It Is and call her a slut.

Rush Limbaugh has been a vile, misogynistic, racist, abelist, homophobic gasbag for as long as I can remember. Why is it only now that anyone's decided he's Gone Too Far This Time?
(end TW)

“The only concern that most conservatives have about Rick is whether he could win. He’s rapidly dispelling that concern,” said Richard Land, the president of the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention.

So. The only concern most conservatives have about Rick Santorum is whether or not he could win. Not that he's a shameless, bald-faced liar. Not that he treats women as a kind of domestic animal. Not that he has sworn in elected he will violate the constitution of the united states. Not that freedom of religion makes him "want to vomit". Not that he "prays to god" that there will ALWAYS be massive wealth disparities in america. Not that he finds the idea that everyone should pursue higher education sickening. Nope. All fine as long as he can win.

@Ross: Any story that's headlined "Six-Legged Giant Finds Secret Hideaway, Hides for 80 Years," has got to be good news.

Good luck to you and your wife as you start the next phase of parenthood. (Just when you think you've got it down, it changes.)

I would totally have bought such a product if I knew it existed back in my day. That said, there are low-tech solutions that people try: leaving the handbag or briefcase or whatever you usually carry next to the car seat, so you have to turn around to retrieve it (of course, you have to remember to do that in the first place), or tying a string from the car seat to the driver's seat, things like that. Take a look around the parenting sites for suggestions.

I would totally buy the device Ross mentioned if I had kids. I know that my ADHD puts me at elevated risks for doing things like forgetting a kid in the car, so I'd want to do what I could to reduce the likelihood of that.

...yeah, I read that once. It's a good article. It gave me nightmares.

It made me more aware of the way we can build patterns and routines to help ourselves and our kids and be safe and how if we don't the lack of awareness/focus on other things can have tragic consequences. But I probably could have (and have, in other contexts) gotten that without the horrible heart-shredding experience of reading every word in that article.

@Lonespark: But I probably could have (and have, in other contexts) gotten that without the horrible heart-shredding experience of reading every word in that article.

I hesitated about linking to that article except for the fact that it is famous and, I think, important for people who think that this is a "rare" and "those people were not like us" scenario.

The main thing I got out of that article is that there are pains from which people probably never heal and horrors that people will probably never go a day without revisiting and that I am not willing to stand in judgement of someone else when I don't know what it is like.

MORE CHEERFUL story. Happy ending. Years ago (which my sister was but a toddler) my parents were in a very large (several floors) store in Basel [Switzerland]. Mom was carrying me (literally a babe in arms) and Dad was supposed to be keeping an eye on my sister. Mom returned and asked where she was -- Dad had taken his eye of her for a moment and she had disappeared.

Now, as I said, this was decades ago -- but even then the entire store went on lockdown. Doors locked, no one allowed in or out, every employee tasked to look for the lost little girl. Who was found after a long hunt. Dad just remembers the relief when she was found. Mom told me that my sister had climbed into a large doll's house and was invisible to anyone going by and she snuggled down among dolls as big as her. She probably thought it was a game.

Dad remembers that even vividly to this day. He relaxed vigilance for a moment and his daughter was gone. What he also remembers is how "good" everyone else was and how an entire big store shut down to make sure that one little girl was okay.

A couple weeks ago we were visiting Vermont and my daughter decided she should start playing hide and seek. She found a great hiding place and we could hear her but couldn't find her and then she stopped making noise. After about 20 minutes looking we found her asleep kneeling inside the clothes hamper, with the lid closed. That was a long twenty minutes.