Debra Koopmann is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. She is the owner and lead counselor at Debra J. Koopmann and Associates, LLC. Most of the clients she serves are adolescents and women. Throughout the years, her practice has evolved to support those struggling with anxiety, depression and other mood disorders. These difficult cases are often the result of major life transitions, when redefinition and clarity are most needed.

“Everyone has the fear of inadequacy. Become aware of how you’re thinking and then allow yourself to change it.” – Debra Koopmann

In an ever-increasing digital age, we see a lot of access, but not a lot of connectivity. Allowing the wrong individuals access provides an avenue for negativity; whether that negativity is self-inflicted by “fear of missing out” or it’s directed by the other user in the form of criticism, it’s a passageway to internal sabotage. Debra encourages, “Filter-out who you follow. You self-sabotage when you allow too much access.” Debra’s main therapeutic modality is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, in which you help the client recognize and change dysfunctional patterns of thinking. She explains that “bad beliefs dirty your filter” and therefore impact how you perceive the world around you. If you truly believe you’re missing out or receive a harsh comment from someone you’d barely call an acquaintance, then you suddenly allow yourself to fall into a downward spiral. The first step to stop the cycle is to become aware of how your thinking is contributing to your current situation.

“My mission is to help people live an authentic life with integrity.” – Debra Koopmann

An authentic life begins with developing intention. There must be an intention to every activity;ultimately, those good habits will support goal fulfillment. If you find you’re not where you want to be or you have trouble accomplishing goals, it may be from a misalignment of your intention. Aderailment that often occurs is the feeling of guilt. Often times, individuals experience guilt when they focus on their personal pursuits and intentions. To these individuals, Debra says, “If you don’t make time to fuel yourself up, you’re not going to be helpful to anyone! Make yourself a priority and pursue your goals with some regularity.”

“When you are having internal conflict, you have to follow your heart. The more you resist it, the more it persists.” – Debra Koopmann

Developing a sense of awareness is a crucial element to the establishment of intentionality,boundary-setting, goal accomplishment, and – ultimately – fulfilment. Become aware of who you are, what you want, where you’re heading, and whether you’re getting in your own way. Many times, our worst obstacles are ourselves. Debra helps individuals acknowledge their excuses and then move forward anyways. She explains that excuses are just another way to self-sabotage.Actively seek to extinguish self-sabotaging behaviors. Discover within yourself what your passion is. Once you’ve done that, pursue it relentlessly while monitoring who has access to you. Life is short!

This May, this Mother’s Day “season”, I began thinking about women of my generation in business and became curious as to what my grown daughters believe is important for women in business to know.

I had to laugh, but I was incredulous nevertheless for a few minutes, a few months ago. I ended up being the only female at a meeting and even in this day and age, there was that curious pause most women recognize. All eyes turned my way when the question of minutes and note taking came up. Sigh. Still? In 2018? Yes, still. (I didn’t take the minutes. I cheerily said, “I’m a rotten note taker. Record the meeting or someone else might like to do it.”) And you know what? They figured it out without my female self to save the day. Yay me. It’s not that I would have minded taking notes, mind you. It’s the expectation was that I would take notes, because I’m a woman. Nope. No more.

My story and two friends were the impetus for this blog. At a girls’ night out, one friend laughed about her first job interview out of college. Having earned a BS in Mathematics from Northwestern in the late 80s, at her first post graduate interview, she was offered a receptionist position, “to get started.” She’s a biggity big these days, and is so successful in the actuarial field that, in her late 40s, she is semi-retired, working part-time from her home overlooking the Pacific in Northern California. “Is receptionist the position you offer to men with a BS in Mathematics,” she said she asked. She walked out after declining the job, confident she would find a position for her skill set. Her advice is that she doesn’t really give great advice. She says she worked harder, then she worked smarter, than everyone else. Plain, simple, analytical advice.

The other friend, couldn’t quite laugh even today, but shared some stories of her first real job as an engineer working as a shift supervisor for a Fortune 50 company. “It was so hard to go to work every day,” she said. “Cat calls, insubordination, loneliness, pranks. Most of the plant workers were old enough to be my grandfather.” Friend B became a plant manager, then rose through the ranks to become an executive who was charged with developing talent of high level executives within that same Fortune 50 company. She’s never forgotten how minimized she felt, how threatened, how intimidated. She advises that finding a mentor, then being a mentor, is incredibly important for women in business.

Those two friends’ stories are what brought me around to wondering about my daughters. I wondered if they had faced similar challenges to women of my generation as they entered the workforce. What had they experienced in their first forays into the workforce? Where there any mountains of equality left to scale in their chosen professions, in their eyes? (Sidebar: I know, statistically, women still make $.87 to a male’s earned $1 in the same position with the same amount of experience and education. But did my daughters still “feel” the like my friends, my sister and I did in our 20s and 30s, and still do, today?)

What advice would my daughters give to women in business, of any age? I have three daughters working in different environments. My oldest daughter is director of a nonprofit youth state sports program. My middle daughter works as a site supervisor in the not-for-profit world of early childhood education. My youngest is a merchandise planner in the corporate world of retail clothing industry.

My Daughters’ Advice

Daughter/Non for Profit Sports World

Be confident.

Speak up if you want to be heard.

Volunteer and ask for more opportunities because opportunities won't always be handed to you for excellent work.

Daughter/Early Childhood Education

Create a work/life balance that works for you. Disconnect from work when at home. If your office isn’t open, it can wait until tomorrow. Take advantage of time off and do not let it go to waste each year.

Lose the word “just” when writing emails. If you’re “just asking” or you “just wanted to see” , you are using insecure ways to ask for compliance. “Just asking” leaves the idea that expectations are fluid. Be confident in your communication and say exactly what you need from others.

Stop over apologizing. Take personal accountability by thanking those helping and use mistakes as learning opportunities.

Daughter/Merchandise Planning

Don’t fear speaking up. Be confident with your tone and be ready/able to handle the criticism that comes with speaking up.

Be accountable to yourself and to your co-workers.

Sacrifices will have to be made to be successful, and you have to be ok with those sacrifices. Therefore, you must be brutally honest with yourself on where you can sacrifice and where you won’t.

My Own Advice

Develop resilience. You may not get the end results that you have planned or wished for but do not give up. Rebound, try again, try something else.

Show respect. Even if you disagree or do not appreciate the other person’s perspective, be respectful. Show respect and hold yourself in a manner that you can hold your head high.

Give. Give of yourself and make a difference, no matter how small your contribution might be. Remember, we never know the impact we are making on those we meet along our journey.

There is it is. Some advice from the all Choquette Women: Be bold, be brave, be balanced. Have a wonderful May and Happy Mother’s Day, especially to my girls!