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Friday, August 9, 2013

On TTC

I've touched on it before here, but I guess I should explain further.

C and I have known from day 1 that we want kids. We both have siblings that we love (most of the time), we both love kids, and it's something we both feel called to. We have considered starting to try a number of times-but we always had a reason to reconsider. Between deployments, family events, finances...there's always a reason. Finally, after deployment 2 and our post deployment vacation, we thought it was perfect timing. So on our anniversary, we started actually trying. I had gotten off of birth control when he left for Afghanistan, so for us it really meant me learning about my body and timing things.

I have done everything I know how to. I have taken my temperature daily, I have checked my cervix, I take ovulation tests, I take itamins and read up on what's best. I have tried just about everything short of doing eating pineapple core and 45 minute handstands after sex (UTI much?) to try. At what point do I assume that it's just not God's plan for me? At what point do you start seriously looking into adoption/fostering/just giving up? How far is too far into assisted reproduction?Or is there a too far when you're looking at being parents? There's a lot of questions for us....

Right now, like I've said, we are on a break from trying. I still take my temperature, since that lets me know where I am in my cycle and how to time everything else. This is month 7, for us. When we resume actively trying again (once we're settled in Germany, whatever that may mean for us.), we'll probably weight another 7+ months before seeking additional medical help. The traditional recommendation is that after a year of trying, you should see a doctor (if you're under age 35). We'll see if we make it that far. I certainly hope not, but you never know.

It's not about "Just relax" it's not about "Well, have you thought about/tried/whatever?". It's hard. It's deeply emotional because as a woman this is what your body is supposed to be able to do! You spend years avoiding pregnancy. You think that it's SO easy to get knocked up so you are double/triple stracking birth control methods, only to find out that when it's time...it's actually pretty tough to get pregnant. It's not just one drunk night, it's lots of nights of trying, praying, crying, and finding the bottom of that "half full" glass.

So now, we wait. We wait on us, on God, and on future Baby M. <3
Jessica