10 children’s games hipsters hate

As hipsters look at what their parents’ did for entertainment as children, this skinny-jeaned generation of emotionally-wrought urban youth finds disdain in the previous generation’s competitiveness and downright aggressive play. Those children’s games were tough!

While hipsters organize non-competitive kick-ball leagues without scoring to prevent one side feeling bad about losing, we thought it would be good to review the most popular childhood games currently making a comeback in America’s cities. These children’s games also happen to be emotionally challenging, aggressive and at times physically confrontational – in other words, completely healthy for our kids.

10 children’s games hipsters hate

Bad EggWhy hipsters hate it: Hipsters only eat good eggs from hand-fed hens fed organic corn and hand-pumped well waterHow the game is played: In this children’s game, one child turns his or her back to a group of children, then asks the others to name a color. Once each player answers, the “Bad Egg” throws a ball over his or her shoulder and calls out a color. All the players except the “Bad Egg” run in different directions, and the person whose color was called has to retrieve the ball. Once located, the retriever shouts STOP! and all the kids must stand still with their legs apart. The retriever then attempts to roll the ball between one of the other’s legs, thus designating that kid the “Bad Egg”

Blind Man’s Bluff or Marco PoloWhy hipsters hate it: Because it’s not cool to make fun of handicapped peopleHow the game is played: A blindfolded child designated as “it” must count to 10 before searching a preordained area to tag another child. The game is often rife with children antagonizing the one who is “it” until someone is eventually tagged, thus becoming “it”.

Capture the FlagWhy hipsters hate it: Flags are nationalist propaganda that best be avoidedHow the game is played: Best played at night, the objective of this game is for two opposing sides to set up boundaries around their own “fort” or designated area where a flag or other object is left in clear view. Each side attempts to sneak into, or by force take, the designated area of the other side and take the flag without being tagged. Those tagged are “knocked out”.

Clapping GamesWhy hipsters hate it: Hipster approach these games with great trepidation given the fact that they cannot use their iPhones at any point during the gameHow the game is played: A cooperative game typically played by singing or reciting a rhyme while slapping hands and other body parts in a carefully choreographed rhythm. Examples include:

TagWhy hipsters hate it: Any game where someone else is “IT” and the hipster is not will inevitably make them feel disingenuous to their own sense of importanceHow the game is played: The proverbial “You’re it” game which can be played on nearly as many variations as there are all other games included. More controversial versions of the game include “Kiss Tag” where taggers kiss instead of touch, and “Cops and Robbers,” a game helicopter parents consider morally corruptible while kids pretty much think it’s the greatest tag version where bicycles are involved (just try stopping kids from playing it!).

Rock-Paper-ScissorsWhy hipsters hate it: How can a hipster ensure his manicure will come out okay at the end of this game?How the game is played: The hand game played by two kids who simultaneously show their signs, with one sign always trumping another. “Rock” beats scissors, “scissors” beat paper and “paper” beats rock.

I SpyWhy hipsters hate it: Hipsters think they’ve already spied everything that’s worth spyingHow the game is played: The guessing game that requires one player to choose an object that is visible to all other players. After announcing “I Spy with my eye something that … ” can be described typically by the first letter of the object or the color of the object. The one who guesses gets the next turn.

Hot LavaWhy hipsters hate it: Volcanoes are dangerous, folks. That’s uncool.How the game is played: An obstacle course floor game whereby the patterns, terrain or other objects are arbitrarily designated as safe or “lava”, then the children are required to transverse the terrain without stepping on or touching the dangerous spots.

HopscotchWhy hipsters hate it:Graffiti really uncool, childrenHow the game is played: Typically a sidewalk game where children scratch a series of boxes into the ground with chalk or rock, then use a stone or other small object to designate each box where an advance requires more advances, typically traveled while jumping on one foot.

Pitching coinsWhy hipsters hate it:I only use electronic currencies like Bit Coins or Pay PalHow the game is played: A gambling game that’s typically banned at most schools, the children each throw pennies at a wall or other fixed object before comparing which one comes closest. The winner is rewarded with the lot of other pennies.