A/N: no, not dead. (cough) well, I lost the password to the account, moved, did something about getting a career...you know. RL. Anyway, regular updates will resume now.

Prohibition

This was just plain freaky, Gojyo decided after the third and last bar in town politely threw him out before he'd even managed to sit down, much less order a drink. He was a well-liked customer, he rarely started trouble and usually finished it, he was nice to the girls and he was good for business – gamblers drank a lot. And it wasn't like he was a rowdy drunk, and he didn't ever act nasty to the girls, so he could usually expect a warm welcome. This

He sat down glumly on the sidewalk and stuck his legs out, lit up.

The few times he and Hakkai had fought, at least he'd been able to go get drunk. Hakkai didn't appreciate that. Yeah, well, screw his appreciation (and Gojyo had screwed it, a lot). But this time, he wasn't going to get drunk, it seemed, because he couldn't even get to a place where they had something to drink.

In desperation, he finally went to the bootleggers' hang-out outside town. Their brew tasted foul and occasionally killed the unwary, but he had a youkai constitution. And he really, really wanted to get drunk.

When he got there, though, they told him carefully and nervously that they weren't going to give him anything to drink today, but if he came back later they could see. Which was when Gojyo finally lost his patience, caught the scrawniest one in a choke-hold around the neck and demanded why he was suddenly being "subjected to sobriety", as Hakkai would have said.

The answer sent him flying straight back home, his steps fueled by righteous anger.

Hakkai was placidly reading a book, and he looked up detachedly when Gojyo flounced through the door. 'Oh, hello,' he said.

'Hello my ass,' Gojyo seethed. 'Did you tell everyone in town not to give me drinks?'

'Well, I…'

'A straight answer, Hakkai. Yes, or no?'

'Only when we were fighting.'

'And how were they supposed to know that?' Gojyo demanded. Oh, this was bloody unbelievable.

'Well, I called in and told them.'

'There's no way you could have gone to town faster than I did.'

Hakkai calmly tapped the cellphone they used to contact Sanzo. 'I have ways.'

'What the hell was that about?'

'I based it off past incidences.' Hakkai shrugged. 'When you get drunk, you spend a ridiculous amount of time outside, stagger home in the middle of the night, make me get out of bed to let you in, give you coffee and something to eat. You then proceed to attempt to molest me, with varying degrees of success depending on how much you've imbibed. I simply tried to simplify the process, such as it is.'

Gojyo fought down the urge to strangle him, reminding himself that in the morning, that wouldn't seem nearly as attractive an idea as it did now. 'And what…' he trailed off, speechless from sheer fury. 'What makes you think that'll work, you arrogant ass?'

'Well, you are here right now,' Hakkai pointed out reasonably.

Gojyo stared at him for a very long time. Hakkai stared back, and his lips twitched as he restrained his grin.

'You,' Gojyo said slowly, 'are a very scary guy, has anyone ever told you that?'

'Not to my memory, no,' Hakkai replied with a straight face.

Gojyo sank down onto a chair and began to laugh weakly, putting his head on his arms, resting on the table. He laughed until he was weak with it, and Hakkai patted his hair fondly. 'See? I knew you'd see it my way.'

'You're horrible,' Gojyo accused the table.

'Of course I am, dear,' Hakkai said mildly. 'You knew that when you got involved with me. This is rather late to use ignorance as an excuse, don't you think?'

'Utterly horrible,' Gojyo said, propping his chin on his hands and meeting his gaze, and unable to keep the hilarity from his own. Whatever they'd fought about, and he could barely remember it now, was gone as if it had never been.

'Yes, yes,' Hakkai said, sounding insufferably smug. 'And now, Gojyo, you've neither being drinking yourself into stupor or nausea, and you're back home early and sober, I suggest we get to the molestation as soon as possible. In the interest of effective time management, of course.'

Gojyo pushed his chair back, grinning.

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