Bachelorette‘s Blog: Jillian’s ‘Heart-Wrenching Goodbye’

It's a little harder to write my blog now that there is less fun, juicy gossip and more deep, heartfelt feelings. How do you put this into words? This week was a hard one to watch -- that heart-wrenching goodbye with Reid, the close-to-inappropriate steamy scene with Ed, (um, did that almost top my hot tub scene!? Yikes!) and me almost barfing on myself on that totem pole with Kiptyn! I have to admit that a lot of feelings came rushing back when I watched the episode this week.

Before I forget, I have to tell you how I spent my entire morning (from 9 a.m. to 1:30 p.m.) last Tuesday ... Drinking an entire pot of coffee, laughing, smiling and sometimes crying while reading ALL of your 1,961 comments! Holy moly, you guys!!! I am having so much fun with them, though! And for all of you who sent out a special little 'shout out' to me directly ... I HEAR YOU! And THANK YOU! xo

I have to say that my date with Kiptyn was WAY funnier than could ever be revealed on the screen. I just about peed my pants about 10 times that day. The ropes course was definitely the most humbling date I think Kip or I have ever been on. Poor Kip looked like a baby giraffe on those ropes, and I couldn't catch my breath I was laughing so hard! To make matters worse, there was a continuation of themes on this date. Well, it all started on the western date back in Los Angeles when Kip had to wear very tight chaps. Then on the flamenco date, those pants -- well let's just say he claims he had trouble zipping them up. So, when we walked up to the ropes course, I told him, "Well, thank God I'm not putting you in skintight pants!" Just then we looked at the instructor and the harness he was wearing and Kip just looked at me and said, "WAIT A MINUTE!!!!" Turns out the harness accentuated that "area" and we howled for the entire date!

Reid’s date was very bitterSWEET (I capped the sweet because it was more sweet than bitter). See, Reid and I had a very good energy together. When we were together, it was like an old high school crush. We rarely worried about the specifics and were always just so flighty together. What you didn't see was that we actually got a couples' massage on the beach before dinner. Soooo romantic! I highly recommend it (if you happen to be slumming around the beaches of Maui looking for something to do)!

Another funny thing happened on that date: I was waiting on this picturesque beach for him to arrive that evening, with tiki torches behind me and the smell of gardenia filling the air. Well, just as Reid came around the corner, a little crab came running toward me and I started screaming and jumping up and down. As you can imagine, Reid and I laughed so hard. We were both so curious about that little crab and couldn't concentrate on anything else for the longest time! So, that feeling that I have been looking for was definitely there with Reid, but the promise of any sort of commitment or partnership wasn't there. And because I have been hurt before by not being realistic, it made me put up a wall and inevitably led to me letting Reid go. I will have to agree with Chris in saying this had to be the most emotional goodbye in Bachelorette history.

Now Ed's date. I definitely have to say Ed and I fit A LOT into that day -- the catamaran ride, cliff jumping and swimming in the ocean, but the best part of the date was not something I had planned ... it was Ed’s surprise. I was SHOCKED when he told me he brought his parents to Hawaii. I had been hearing about this Judy for so long, she became sort of a legend to me. I am positive I was more nervous than she was. And how about Ed's dad and his classic quote "What the hell are we doing here?" That was another belly laugh moment. After all the hometown dates, I will have to say this was definitely one of my favorites. So real.

Again, I have to say that this episode tugged on the heartstrings. I have been blessed with these three individuals who are not only bright, genuine, charismatic, gorgeous and down to earth -- but who respect me and adore me. I can now say with 100 percent conviction that it is possible to fall for more than one person when you are presented with individuals of this caliber.