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Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Today I Am....

I had planned to post earlier today but the day has just gotten away from me! I hope it will still be my birthday by the time I finish this post! :)

I have been thinking for a month now about what I would post on my birthday! I am still not sure what all I will talk about so ... this has the potential to be a long post! This is your warning! :)

I have been thinking about turning 35 for the past four months. I am totally fine with that number. It doesn't bother me to turn a year older. However... something about this year just feels different to me. I am not sure if it is the year... or my age.

Since January I have had a different attitude that I am not quite sure how to explain! I don't know if this feeling is coming from me or from God. I feel like this is going to be a different year for us/me than the past few have been. The past few have been great but we have had our challenges... mostly health issues for me. There are so many people that I care about that are dealing with cancer and it still scares me. I have my moments but I just have to remind myself that God took care of me before and I have to trust that He will continue to. I can't change anything that comes my way...... I can only trust that no matter what happens to me, Michael, or Carver.... it will all be okay. This life is temporary... something that I had a better understanding of/peace about at one point in my life... and something that I don't want to have to be reminded of again! As much as it hurts and scares me to think about how I learned so many things about what is important.... I don't want to forget those things because they made me a better person. I found a peace and a joy that I had not had before. Sometimes I feel like that is slipping away from me because things have been pretty good for a while. That scares me and it upsets me. I don't want to get sidetracked and I don't want to forget what God has done for me! He deserves my praise EVERYDAY!!

Okay... so I rambled a bit. There is potential for lots more of that! :)

I have stayed home with Carver for over 5 years now. It is hard to believe that he will start Kindergarten this fall. During that time we have acquired debt and payed off debt. Last year, after doing a study called Radical as a church, we worked really hard at the paying off of the debt. We haven't done a lot of improvements to our home since we moved in 11 years or so ago. In the last 5 years... we haven't even painted which was something that I did do at least once a year because I love to paint! :) This year... we have been on the ball about getting busy on home improvements. I don't want to acquire a lot more debt and we don't plan to. But... I am ready to make our home a place that we are proud of. You can only go so long before things around the house start falling apart!

My point in all of the house talk is that I even have a new attitude about that. Since Carver was born.... we have gone back and forth with... do we fix it up or do we move? We have FINALLY decided to stay here. We don't 'need' more room... and I am really happy with that decision! I think we both are. I know Carver is. Of course he doesn't want to move... he loves his house! :) He doesn't like change!

I feel good about fixing our house up the way that we want it and if the way we want it is too expensive... then coming up with a new the way we want it plan! :) It sounds silly but we have lived here for 11 years... we have been through a lot in our marriage here.... we have brought our son into the world here... I don't want to leave this house until we have made it... transformed it... into a house that we LOVE! Thinking about that makes me happy!

On the crafting front.... I have gone through soooooooo many changes.... or had so many mood swings if you want to call it that! :) People who aren't into this crafting life would be so shocked at all of the emotion and drama, etc etc that is involved! It can be so draining! I choose to stay out of the drama part and have been shocked myself at some of the drama that I discovered is out there! It has been though... a very emotional rollercoaster for me.

In an effort to keep it short(er) and sweet so it will still be my bday when this post is over... basically....I have been burned out! I worked hard at the first of the month to complete my April DT assignments and was not just loving most of them. I have not worked hard on the last few Paper Crafts calls... which is actually a good thing. I am learning to let that go... as far as... how much emotion and time and energy that I let that consume. I don't see me completely giving up submitting to Paper Crafts... but I am determined to have a healthy balance in my life... including how much I invest in submitting! I have been pretty proud of myself for that. I love the women of Paper Crafts (and the magazine itself) and I think they love me.... but their job is to sell magazines... number one... and my job is a mom/wife... number one! The competition is hard and there are so many great crafters out there. I am not that special in my crafting abilities but I am pretty special... and the only mom... to a sweet little boy! I don't want to look back one day and regret how I spent my time and energy. I already do to a certain degree but I feel like it has been a learning and growing experience. I have learned so much and gained so much knowledge and confidence about myself from crafting/blogging! I literally wouldn't be the person I am without having experienced it and continuing to experience it. So... I can't regret that part of it.

I took on several DT's all at once about six months ago. I was so excited because that is what I wanted to do. At this point.... I think God gave me the opportunity to experience that... so I could see that it isn't really what I want. Now... I LOVE the companies that I work for. Please don't hear otherwise. I am grateful for the opportunities. I am just glad that a couple of them are ending this month... I took on too much at once! Lesson learned! :) I think sometimes when we look too much at what others are doing... it makes us think that we want that too. I have learned to stop in my moments of brief jealousy... to sit down and think what it would be like if I were in that persons shoes... and it usually ends up with me realizing that I really don't want it! I wouldn't want the time commitment and stress!

What I want at the moment is to continue working on my current DT's... and hopefully after a crafting break... come back to the table with a renewed desire to create. I want to make stuff that I love!

I also want to start scrapbooking! I am soooo excited that I am going to be starting Project Life... as of today... my 35th bday. I have all of my supplies ready to go! I am ready to start documenting our everyday lives because I think we are pretty cool and have some pretty great moments to remember! :) One of my main goals with this project ... since I am starting it on my bday and will keep it up from year to year in this way... is that I will share a lot about myself. I love my parents but when I sit and think about it... I feel like I don't really know them... at least not a lot about what their childhood was like or the struggles they had as parents, etc. I want Carver to know me! I want him to have a record of who I am! There is so much going on inside of me at all times... so many things that don't get said or talked about. Things that I want to write down so he knows just how special I am... how special his dad is... and how special he is... and mostly... how special He is! I am ready and excited to do this for us!!

Speaking of supplies... changing subjects because I am running out of time... I thought I would show you my birthday present. But first... I want to introduce you to the earlier versions.... just because! :)

This is the camera I got as a present for my college graduation... I believe from my in-laws but I may be mistaken. It is a film camera. It still works but the back won't stay shut so I am thinking the pictures won't come out well! :) I had planned to get it fixed (after dropping it) but it never happened.

This is the camera that I got before Carver was born... I wanted a digital because I knew my picture taking would reach new heights... which it did. :)

And this is my new baby! It has video too... woo hoo! Our video camera was on its last leg.

Thank you honey! :)

My parents always give us money for our birthday. Thanks Mom and Dad! I have been wanting a new purse/wallet. I have been wanting a Fossil purse but they are so expensive. Now... I know they are not as expensive as a lot of purses... but I wouldn't pay what those other purses cost... for a purse. Fossil is as expensive as my taste gets! :)

Well... I guess that is all of my ramblings for now! Those are just things that have been on my mind lately and things that I really wanted to document... because I have also been reminding myself why I started this blog... for myself! I love you all... anyone reading this... and I appreciate your visits. But... I am ready to get back to why I started this crafting and blogging stuff... because I love it and because this is my journal!

Sorry for all of the rambling! Lots of late nights lately (working on house stuff) and getting a late start on this post didn't help. I just hope some of it made sense! LOL! I was hoping it would come together better than what it did but... it is what it is!

19 comments:

Happy Birthday Kelley! I loved every last bit of your "rambling". It seems we think a lot alike at times, you're much better at putting it into words than I am though! I love that you are so introspective. I admire that in people and strive for it myself. I hope your birthday is every bit as wonderful as you are, and this year brings everything your heart desires!

Happy birthday (again!), Kelley! Looks like you had a wonderful day, with wonderful gifts - and you managed to get your post up still on your birthday!! Can't wait to see what you do with Project Life!! Big Birthday Hugs to you!!!

Happy Birthday Kelley! Great post! Enjoyed learning more about you and where your plans are! I truly agree with you on the "brief jealousy" over others DT's and such! Finding a fit for ourselves if much more important! :> Here's to a great year for you!

Kelley, I hope you had a Happy Birthday! I just wanted to say that your message really hit home for me (on a much smaller scale as far as the DT stuff goes and such.) But finding balance is so important. I also want to let you know that I gave you a shout out on my blog today. You inspire me!

Happy Birthday Kelley! I understand SO MUCH about what you're saying. I have a milestone birthday(50) coming up this summer. I've been thinking about it since I turned 49. Thinking I need change, less of other peoples drama. I even changed positions at work because of that desire. Still not sure if that was the right choice.

YAY for the new camera. AND the new Fossil purse! I fell in love with a Fossil purse this winter, until I looked at the pricetag. I have a strict rule about purses. Don't spend more on them that I carry in them!

I realized I sent you a message but never commented! LOVED this post my dear! So many great points! I still owe you that email! I have lots of thoughts to share! Hugs! And hope your day was fantastic!!