Michigan basketball has a lot to overcome in Sister Jean, hoops-loving nun

Ray Allen and Sister Jean have something in common... they want to see Loyola-Chicago win the NCAA Tournament.
USA TODAY Sports

Loyola-Chicago's 98-year-old team chaplain, Sister Jean Dolores-Schmidt, celebrates the team's win over Kansas State, 78-62, in the Elite Eight on March 24 in Atlanta. She has become a national sensation during the Ramblers' tournament run.(Photo: Kevin C. Cox, Getty Images)

Well, this just isn’t fair. After beating Montana, Houston, Texas A&M and Florida State, the Michigan Wolverines now have to defeat God.

OK, maybe not God, His or Herself. But one of God’s more dedicated servants. A nun. And not just a nun. A 98-year-old nun. And not just a 98-year-old nun, but a sweet, charismatic, not even 5-foot tall, 98-year-old nun named Sister Jean Dolores Schmidt, who wears Nike sneakers with her name on the heels, who has been at Loyola University Chicago for more than 50 years, and who is the chaplain for its basketball team, the Ramblers, the biggest underdog story in years.

Come on. How do you beat that? How do you take on a great-grandma-aged Sister who wears a backwards baseball cap and a team jacket? You’d get scolded for forgetting to say hello to her. But defeat her basketball team?

I fear for the Wolverines’ souls.

And that’s not a sentence you often read in a sports section.

But this is no ordinary team chaplain. Ever since a miracle last-second shot went in to end its first-round game in the NCAA tournament, Loyola-Chicago has become better known for its chaplain than its box score. Last weekend, a reporter suggested Sister Jean had become a national celebrity.

“International celebrity,” Sister Jean corrected.

Oh, boy.

Pro tip: Don't talk trash to a nun

Here is Sister Jean’s pregame prayer, as she explained in a March 20 interview with "Good Morning America": “I begin with ‘Good and gracious God, today we hope to win this game. … We already have the confidence … we want to be sure when the buzzer goes off … that we get the big W.’ ”

That’s not as bad as David asking God to blot his enemies from the Book of Life. Then again, it’s only basketball. All you need are points — not a Red Sea parting.

By the way, Sister Jean also told the media, “I pray for the other team — perhaps not as hard.”

Meanwhile, Michigan offered a weak counter through Jalen Rose’s Instagram account, where he posted his 100-year-old grandmother looking in the camera and saying, “Sister Jean, it’s been a good ride, but it’s over Saturday.”

I know Jalen likes to hail his Fab Five days. But do you really want to trash talk a nun?

Maybe John Beilein has a steadier approach. He went to a Jesuit school himself and coached at two Jesuit colleges. That should help. And there have been many surprising moments this year when Wolverines fans have shouted, “Oh my God!”

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Michigan will face Loyola-Chicago, the No. 11 seed in the South region, in the Final Four on Saturday in San Antonio. Let's meet the Ramblers and the backstory behind their historic run in the NCAA tournament ... Travis Heying, TNS

Loyola-Chicago's 98-year-old team chaplain, Sister Jean Dolores-Schmidt, celebrates the team's win over Kansas State, 78-62, in the Elite Eight on March 24 in Atlanta. She has become a national sensation during the Ramblers' tournament run. Kevin C. Cox, Getty Images

Second round: Loyola guard Clayton Custer shoots over Tennessee defenders in the final seconds in Dallas on March 17. His jumper hit the front rim, touched the backboard, and rattled through the net with 3.6 seconds left, giving the Ramblers a 63-62 upset over the No. 3 seed Vols. Tony Gutierrez, AP

Elite Eight: Loyola's Ben Richardson pounds his chest after hitting one of his six 3-pointers against Kansas State in the South Region final at Philips Arena in Atlanta on March 24. Richardson scored 23 points in the Ramblers' 78-62 win, sending them to the Final Four. Curtis Compton, TNS

Loyola coach Porter Moser led the Ramblers (32-5) to the Missouri Valley Conference regular season and tournament titles. This is his seventh season as head coach of the team, and first in the NCAA tournament. Previously, he coached at Illinois State (2003-07) and Arkansas-Little Rock (2000-03). John J. Kim, TNS

Loyola-Chicago forward Aundre Jackson drives against Kansas State forward Makol Mawien during the second half of the South Region final on March 24 in Atlanta. Jackson, a 6-5 forward, averages 11 points per game. Brett Davis, USA TODAY Sports

Loyola's Ben Richardson cuts down the net after the 78-62 win over Kansas State in the South Region final March 24, 2018 in Atlanta. Richardson, a 6-3 senior guard, averages 7 points per game. Ronald Martinez, Getty Images

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If trumpets sound, look out!

“We have God on our side” Sister Jean told the media. Now. I know what she means. And she intends no malice. But I always figured unless you’re playing Hades Academy in Demonville, God isn’t taking sides in a basketball game. Hey, Notre Dame didn’t even make the tournament!

Still, a 2013 survey showed that more than a quarter of American sports fans believe God helps determine which teams win in sports. And Sister Jean now has a line of T-shirts and hats (she’s forsaking all funds and directing them to charity) to spread her influence. She even has her own bobblehead!

Mother Teresa never got one of those.

So perhaps there is reason for U-M fans to worry. It’s one thing to knock out Loyola in the first or second round. That’s expected. But now that the Ramblers are two wins from the championship, anyone who stands in their way might be smote with lightning.

Imagine hitting a 3-pointer against Loyola, then running down the court and seeing the disappointed look in a 98-year-old nun’s eyes. Talk about guilt!

Or you’re about to shoot a free throw and there’s Sister Jean, giving you that “Remember what you learned in Sunday school” look. You might drop the ball and run to confession.

Let’s face it. Through no fault of her own, Sister Jean has become the most powerful sixth man — or sixth woman — in the tournament. And if the Wolverines have a late lead Saturday, they better hope she doesn’t flip open her Bible to “What profits a man if he gains the whole world, but loses his soul?”

They might trade their jerseys for sackcloth.

All of which suggests that while the Wolverines, fearfully and wonderfully made, have beaten a 6-seed, a 7-seed and a 9-seed to reach the Final Four, the 11-seed comes with the most “awe”-some intangibles. It’s true, a nun in a wheelchair won’t scare many basketball players.