We tend to give away what we want others to provide for us. It is easy to assume that we know what someone else needs. Getting real feedback about how we are doing as a spouse can be…humbling. As our spouses grow and evolve, so must our roles as their life partners.

The “Happy Wife for Life” series is based on the findings from Fawn Weaver’s book, Happy Wives Club, where she travels around the world to find the threads that weave amazing marriages together. Secret #9 is Brave to get a Wife Grade. This week we will be asking the brave question, “Honey, if you were to grade me as a wife on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest, what would I score?”

Once this question is asked, the answer invites a longer conversation about needs. When we set our wife-role on cruise control, we need to periodically check to make sure we are still on course to an amazing marriage.

In preparation for writing this blog, I asked my husband the wife-grade question. I wanted him to identify what it is I do that is working for him, so I can be intentional about continuing those actions. I also wanted to know what needs are being neglected. When I listened to what makes my husband really happy, it made me happy. My list of standards for my wife role included more than 30 things. His list was much smaller.

Top 3 Things That Matter Most:

His needs are on MY radar.

Be consistent with meeting his most important needs.

Provide things he can’t do himself.

It takes bravery to ask, “how am I doing as your wife?” We may not like the answer. We may realize that our standards are absurdly high and our husbands’ standards are pretty basic. We may realize that our husband never asked for a “perfect wife” or even knows what that really means to us.

It made me feel secure knowing that I’m doing a great job. It also made me more aware of important areas for him that are not on MY standards list. Knowing my husband’s criteria for being a great wife sets me up for gold stars. It isn’t about being the ideal wife. It is about caring enough to ask what he needs on a regular basis.

When I know how to better serve my husband, I can be a Happy Wife for Life.Reflect & Share: What would your spouse say are some areas that you could “work on” to be a better spouse?