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Tick Tock

And, here I am again, wondering where the last two weeks have gone that I haven’t had a chance to write. Well, that’s not entirely true, I do have one draft, but still.

I’m stealing time writing this while Baby G attempts to go down for his afternoon nap. Teeth 5 & 6 are on the cusp of breaking through, but he doesn’t seem to mind these as much as the prior 4.

We’ve had a 30 degree dip in temperatures over the last 48 hours. It was 85 here on Tuesday and I don’t even think we’ll see 55 today. And, while this storm was to drop negligible rainfall, it has been pouring here for the last two hours. It is such a good and needed thing. We’ve only had 3 1/2 inches of rain this year vs. our normal of 13 1/2 inches. I’m not even sure what that’s going to mean for us next year. Like, is there such a thing as a drought’s drought?

I am nearing the 20# weight loss mark. I think the Prozac has definitely helped curb my appetite and/or makes it possible for me to not eat as much when hungry. It doesn’t feel like such a battle this time. Even though I do feel hungry, I guess I want to lose this weight more than I want to eat (I am eating, for sure, but I am very conscious of my food choices).

My older son is out for winter break until 1/6/14. He’ll be going to a holiday camp for a few days and his dad is taking a few days during each of the next two weeks off, so hopefully we’ll find some fun things to do together. He had his holiday performance this week and was so enthusiastic about it and did so well singing with his class. I love being able to go to his events and I am so proud of the boy he’s becoming. I often wonder if my parents felt the same way with me.

I now more fully understand what life in December is going to be like now that both Christmas and Baby G’s first birthday party are upon us next week. One. ONe. ONE! How is it possible that a year has passed? I have so much to say about the boy who completed our family and has brought so much joy to our lives that it is deserving of its own post. So much joy!

I’m not sure what to expect of Christmas this year as my entire family will be assembled at my Aunt’s house for Christmas Eve dinner for the first time in many years. It is going to be odd and awkward I am sure. But, I am just not going to sweat it or anticipate the worst. I have other priorities in my children and no one is going to step on my good time with them.

I still feel good although I can tell I’ve hit another plateau. I am just going to ride it out a while longer and see where things settle. As more time passes between now and that dark time, I am more sure that the meds saved my marriage if not my life. I am so, so grateful to not be where I was, suffering in so many ways. It is sad to me that it went on as long as it did. My husband and I were looking at pictures from Baby G’s birth and early life and my husband said, “that was such a dark time for you” and it was, it really, really was. It saddens me that I was mired in depression while simultaneously trying to enjoy the fullness of my life and that that will be forever intertwined, but I tried to be mindful of his presence, consious of the fleeting time, and never took my love for him for granted.

I miss having the uniterrupted time to write more thoughtful, deep meaning posts but am unapologetic for the reason why: