Introducing the Summer of Lourdes!!

Even though Madonna successfully applied to have her two sons, Rocco and David, made permanent residents of the United States, the two will be spending the next three months in London with their father, Guy Ritchie. Which means: 1) They won’t have to run the risk of being banished to the horse house if they misbehave out in the Hamptons this summer, and 2) LOURDESWILLHAVENEWYORKALLTOHERSELFTHISSUMMER. This is the moment we’ve been waiting for — nothing to distract us from the only 11-year-old girl it’s okay to obsess over in all of America. (It is okay to obsess over her, right? We’re only a gay and a girl and a Dan Amira, whose ownership of a goatee makes him practically Carlos Leon’s brother, and therefore Lourdes’s biological uncle.) Finally, we can forget about that Mercy James character (Two first names? Honestly.) and get back to concentrating on the Most Important Preteen in America. Memo to Kirsten Dunst and Chloë Sevigny: There’s a new girl in town, and now she’s in charge of what color Wayfarers we’re all going to bewearing.