songs in the key of my life

Monthly Archives: July 2009

i get a month long pass. because new york city is all about movement. which is why the rising subway fares are a crime. gotham, as new york city is affectionately called, starts with the word go. go to the back of my new york city metro card and you’ll see this poem by chuang tzu (369-286 BC):

“the fish trap exists because of the fish. once you’ve gotten the fish, you can forget the trap. the rabbit snare exists because of the rabbit. once you’ve gotten the rabbit, you can forget the snare. words exist because of meaning. once you’ve gotten the meaning, you can forget the words. where can i find a man who has forgotten the words so I can talk with him.”

the poet chuang tzu talks here about meaning, about how words are like dream catchers that hang above beds, underneath we both spread, words are like traps to catch the real prize at hand: meaning. tzu’s on a search for some folks he can vibe with. he’s sick of small talk. and this was thousands of years ago.

the nyc subway poetry series is called, “train of thought.” sometimes on my way to feed or be fed off the banquet that is new york city, i catch a poem that makes me think. and that means a lot when you’re on the go in gotham.

have you ever left your hometown? have you ever returned? that’s what i’m doing right now, here in san diego. 619. the prodigal daughter returned. it aint easy, but it’s a good lesson in moving on and letting go.

if you enter into this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with.

to start new ways you have to stop clinging onto the old. which can suck, horribly. especially when all you’ve ever known is how to hold on, for dear life, to something. even if that something is fear, depression, drama.

i’m like linus letting go of my blanket, cept my blanket isn’t soft and grimy. my blanket is drama, depression, it feels like hunger, like horror, neglect. yet, its familiar, and a sweaty uphill battle to give up. there are few pop culture markers to encourage the battle for health and sustainability in our lives.

our media is surround sound on affirming, feeding, breeding the drama addiction. perez hilton’s vlog fit about getting clocked twice in the eye by black eyed peas’ manager, reality shows about nothing at all but drama, war mongers are all drama. i define drama as the inability to hold oneself, the unfortunate willingness to spill the mirror you never looked in over those around you in cracked, sharp shards.

i define drama as what happens when communication doesn’t. i define drama as a waste of time, greedy for the days of my life, parasite on my imagination, i define drama as a drug that i feel in the pit of my nerves like molten, frigid steel. i don’t even need a needle.

since when did living healthy make you the fish swimming upstream? but here we are, and its a worthwhile upstream battle.

here in san diego, it is time to let go. the home i grew up in looks almost totally different, but it still looks nice. and there’s this one tree that’s grown so much, it has to remember my parent’s green thumbs. the way its shooting into the blue sky and the sunny breeze with all that glossy green. i just know it remembers, something good.