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UPBRINGING OF CHILDREN- THE ROLE OF THE FATHER

As Salamu Alaykym

It
is sad to note that there seems to be an increasing tendency towards
viewing parenthood in material terms only. ‘I have to see to it that my
children are well fed, obtain a good education and are given a good
start in life’.

This statement in essence gives us the sum total
of how most fathers view their parental responsibility. Alas, even a
limited understanding of Islamic principles will convince one of how
erroneous and short-sighted such a viewpoint is. This point is
encapsulated in the following Hadith wherein the very Deeni direction of
a child is attributed to the role of the parents. The noble Prophet
(peace be upon him) said: ‘Every child is born on Fitrat (a natural
inclination towards perfect and practical Islam). It is his parents who
turn him towards Judaism, Christianity or fire-worship’. (Mishkat).

The
father in essence is the role model of the child and has been given the
pedestal of leadership in the home: ‘The man (father/husband) is the
keeper and leader of his family’. (Mishkat).
Leadership in
Shariah does not imply the right to be overbearing, but in actuality
carries the meaning of responsibility. The father is the one who will be
held responsible in the sight of Allah Taála for the Islamic
development and nurturing of his children. A tremendous responsibility
has come to bear upon his shoulders. To view this materialistically
only, is the height of folly, for we have to realise that sustenance
Allaah aza wah jall has taken to be His responsibility.

In
essence, the actual point of contention is a spiritual one. This is
clearly outlined for us in the following Hadith which beautifully and
concisely outlines for us the role of the father. The noble Prophet
(peace be upon him) said: ‘That man unto whom a child is born should
give it a good name and ensure the beautiful and correct Islamic
nurturing of the child. When the child comes of age, he should get the
child married. Should the father fail to do so and his offspring
indulges in sin, then the weight and punishment of it will come to bear
upon the father’ (Mishkat)

In clear and unambiguous terms, the
father is being informed of the fact that the Islamic nurturing of his
child is his responsibility, which Allaah aza wah jall has placed upon
him. How seriously the Shariát views this can be ascertained by the fact
that The noble Prophet (peace be upon him) has even mentioned that the
sins of the child will come upon the father. In the light of such
Ahaadith, how can we ever feel exonerated by the mere fulfilment of the
material needs of our children?

An important point which we
should never lose sight of is the fact that this task which the Shariat
has placed upon us, should not be looked upon as a burden, for the
correct fulfilment of it will bring such fruits to bear that are truly
beyond our imagination. Consider the fact that pious children constitute
one of the special avenues that will benefit us not only in this world
but will become a means of our rewards multiplying even when we are in
our graves. This is substantiated by a Hadith in Mishkat Shareef.

In
order to positively fulfil this responsibility, we have to lead by
example in taking the initiative in practically demonstrating Islam to
our children. Furthermore, by establishing daily sound and authentic
islamic manners, rules and behaviour in our homes, we will find an
atmosphere of practical Islam being created by the constant revision of
the virtues of the various practices of Deen.

May Allah give us Tawfeeq (the ability to perform these tasks) and Hidaayat (guidance of Allaah azza wah jalla)