Well, not really. But I did see the film today and I didn’t hate Renee Zellweger. In fact, I almost kinda-sorta related to her. But first things first: the movie was good. I was happy with some of the things they expanded from the book and disappointed by some of the things they had to cut, but overall I definitely had a good time. They really pared it down to a romantic-comedy and cut most of the girl-power, weight-obsession, Colin Firth references (for the obvious reason), and “Pride & Prejudice” overtones. And they completely changed the ending. (Actually, that’s probably for the best. That whole subplot about Bridget’s mom running away with “Julio” was a bit contrived.) I laughed a bit though, and I was sad a bit though, and I was happy when I left the cinema.

Renee Zellweger was wonderful. There, I said it. She looks great with the extra weight (she’d still qualify for “thin”, if you ask me, but at least this way she has boobs and a bum). Her accent was a little unsettling at first, but once I got used to it coming from her, it stopped sounding fake and just became Bridget’s voice. Her mannerisms and her facial expressions… they were spot on. You may never hear me say this again – given my eternal hatred for anyone who looks remotely like Jewel – but I like Renee Zellweger. Well, as Bridget anyway.

And now for the questions I know all you Americans are dying to ask. First off, no, I’ve never been to a Tarts & Vicars party. (Our Deviant and Diverse Party, while similar, still hardly qualifies.) No, there’s no way Bridget could afford that flat on her salary. No, I’ve never met Salman Rushdie. And most emphatically, no, it never snows that prettily – and thickly – in Central London. Satisfied?