YOU AT YOUR BEST. Miss Manners.

Nasty Notes Don't Count As Thanks

When we are hosts, we always receive a prompt thank-you from a guest who writes things like:

"Dinner was gourmet, except your mashed potatoes were lumpy."

"The children were excited about the favors, but Andy's broke right after we left. It was poorly made."

"We enjoyed the games you chose; however, we all found the last one quite boring."

As a hostess who genuinely cares about pleasing her company, I find these responses hurtful. Are we wrong to believe that a thank-you note means "loving the giver" for giving, and leaving any complaints unwritten is not an error of omission?

Gentle Reader--Oh, everyone's a movie critic these days. Your guest seems to be under the impression that hosts are eager to know how they can improve, and Miss Manners assures them that nobody is. Not even movie-makers.

Of course the purpose of a thank-you letter is to thank. What Miss Manners suggests might be best left unwritten and unspoken is any invitations you might be inexplicably tempted to offer this person.

Dear Miss Manners--I am 6 years old. My sister is 4 years old. We want to know if I can get up from the dinner table before everyone is finished eating and if I can blow bubbles in my drink.

They talk that way because they have to look, every day, at the bubble-blowing and the squirming to get away, while Miss Manners sees only your very polite letter.

Nevertheless, she is afraid that they are right.

Dinner is not just important because of the food but because of the chance for the family to be together. To run off after eating would spoil all that. You want to show them, every day, that you care for them.

That is also why you can't blow bubbles at the table. It's disgusting to look at, although even Miss Manners admits that it is fun to do.