private investigator

What are your thoughts on hiring one to find out more about BD's family and possibly contacting them to let them know my son exists and they have a grandson, cousin, nephew, etc. Just because his father is a POS doesn't mean his family is but I'm also not going to trust a bunch of strangers and will proceed with a lot of caution. I just think my son deserves to know where he came from on both sides of the family. Would it be something you would do?

What are your thoughts on hiring one to find out more about BD's family and possibly contacting them to let them know my son exists and they have a grandson, cousin, nephew, etc. Just because his father is a POS doesn't mean his family is but I'm also not going to trust a bunch of strangers and will proceed with a lot of caution. I just think my son deserves to know where he came from on both sides of the family. Would it be something you would do?

I disagree. That doesn't always happen in all cases. For all we know, her BD's family may not even know he has a kid. Or perhaps BD is estranged from his family because they know what a "f*ck up" he is. I say the OP should try reaching out, if nothing else, at least to get closure and know she tried. I wouldn't shell out money for a PI though, especially since she has enough extra bills to pay since BD isn't stepping up. One can usually find info on the Internet if she knows how to search deep enough. At most she may have to pay $20 for a genealogy search, but even most of them offer a free trial period.

I disagree. That doesn't always happen in all cases. For all we know, her BD's family may not even know he has a kid. Or perhaps BD is estranged from his family because they know what a "f*ck up" he is. I say the OP should try reaching out, if nothing else, at least to get closure and know she tried. I wouldn't shell out money for a PI though, especially since she has enough extra bills to pay since BD isn't stepping up. One can usually find info on the Internet if she knows how to search deep enough. At most she may have to pay $20 for a genealogy search, but even most of them offer a free trial period.

I have also considered this. Not so much the private investigator but I know where his family lives and I could easily stop by and let them know that they have a new member of their family coming in October. I know he hasn't told a soul. I doubt he has even come to grips with the reality himself. If I do proceed with telling his family, I will wait until my daughter is born. He lives with his mother so when the child support paperwork comes hopefully she will see it and questions him as this is his only child.

I have also considered this. Not so much the private investigator but I know where his family lives and I could easily stop by and let them know that they have a new member of their family coming in October. I know he hasn't told a soul. I doubt he has even come to grips with the reality himself. If I do proceed with telling his family, I will wait until my daughter is born. He lives with his mother so when the child support paperwork comes hopefully she will see it and questions him as this is his only child.

Why wait until after the birth? There's a chance his family may want to help get you things you'll need for the baby, or maybe they'll even talk sense into him so that he'll be there for the birth and to help during those difficult first days postpartum. You never know...

Why wait until after the birth? There's a chance his family may want to help get you things you'll need for the baby, or maybe they'll even talk sense into him so that he'll be there for the birth and to help during those difficult first days postpartum. You never know...

I have given him so many opportunities to make the right decision that at this point if he feels so strongly about not being involved, I don't think I want him involved. I have a lot of support so I think I'll just leave things as they are. My pregnancy has been less stressful without having to worry about him, than it would be if he was in my life, making me feel guilty for my decisions. I know it will be difficult but part of me feels like it will be more difficult with him than without him. I would like my daughter to know her family, including his side, but that is his choice I suppose if he wants to keep them away. Also, they share his religious beliefs and I'm afraid their extreme beliefs will impede on my style of raising her and I don't know if I want to risk that. I'm going to take things as they come and if I end up raising her with just myself and family and friends support, so be it.

I have given him so many opportunities to make the right decision that at this point if he feels so strongly about not being involved, I don't think I want him involved. I have a lot of support so I think I'll just leave things as they are. My pregnancy has been less stressful without having to worry about him, than it would be if he was in my life, making me feel guilty for my decisions. I know it will be difficult but part of me feels like it will be more difficult with him than without him. I would like my daughter to know her family, including his side, but that is his choice I suppose if he wants to keep them away. Also, they share his religious beliefs and I'm afraid their extreme beliefs will impede on my style of raising her and I don't know if I want to risk that. I'm going to take things as they come and if I end up raising her with just myself and family and friends support, so be it.

I do not agree with your line of thinking as it relates to BD (I think at very least you should file for child support), but admittedly what you wrote is exactly how I feel about my father--aka my child's grandfather. The only difference is, my family has phanatical atheist beliefs (as opposed to religious beliefs) that they like to push on everyone.

I do not agree with your line of thinking as it relates to BD (I think at very least you should file for child support), but admittedly what you wrote is exactly how I feel about my father--aka my child's grandfather. The only difference is, my family has phanatical atheist beliefs (as opposed to religious beliefs) that they like to push on everyone.

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