Send me email updates about messages I've received on the site and the latest news from The CafeMom Team.
By signing up, you certify that you are female and accept the Terms of Service and have read the
Privacy Policy.

How to Talk With Your Sons About Robin Thicke

How to Talk With Your Sons About Robin Thicke

August 28, 2013

If you have ears, you’ve heard Robin Thicke’s hit “Blurred Lines.”
If you’ve had any amount of spare time in the past few days and have
access to the internets, you’ve heard about Thicke’s performance at the
VMA’s with Miley Cyrus. If you have no idea what I’m talking about,
congratulations! You must have looked past the headlines on CNN’s main
page in order to read about “secondary” news like Egypt or Syria. You
can find a video of the performance here.

If you’ve been on Facebook or Twitter with any kind of regularity
over the past few days, you’ve probably heard countless friends or
followers sounding off on any number of objectionable things about the
performance. Undoubtedly, 99% of things written about it throw around
words like “obscene”, “offensive”, and the like.

There have been a number of different parenting websites or blog posts who have come up with good waysto talk toyour daughterabout Miley. And, don’t get me wrong, I’m all about parents talking to their daughters about sexuality.

But is no one going to hold anyone else on stage or behind the scenes
accountable for that performance? Are we really going to have another
one-sided conversation where we only talk to the girls about their
sexuality while we completely ignore the boys in the room about their
standards of behavior too?

There are next to no commentaries, articles, or blog posts that talk
about how Robin Thicke was on stage with a woman young enough to be his
daughter while thrusting his pelvis and repeating the line “I know you
want it” while T.I. non-chalantly raps about much more graphic stuff. As
Shelli Latham astutely points out:

Girls’ sexuality is so much the focus of our ire. Women
who have sex are dirty. Men who have sex are men. Girls who dress to be
ogled are hoes. Men who ogle are just doing what comes naturally. This
is the kind of reinforced behavior that makes it perfectly acceptable to
legislate a woman’s access to birth control and reproductive health
care without engaging in balanced conversations about covering Viagra
and vasectomies. Our girls cannot win in this environment, not when they
are tots in tiaras, not in their teens or when they are coming into
adulthood.

Issues of misogynistic attitudes and acts of violence toward women
aren’t going anywhere until us men make some very intentional decisions
about our behavior and about the way we act toward women. There are
certain things that Robin Thicke and “Blurred Lines” re-inforce in our
culture.

There’s nothing blurry about Robin Thicke’s role in the VMA debacle.
Even though he’s come out and defended his song, going so far as to call
it a “feminist movement,” it’s pretty plain to see that’s far from the
case.

Here’s where it starts

So what can we do? In order to change the way we view women culturally, we need to change the way we view women individually. We need to call bullshit on attempts to end domestic violence and misogyny towards women by only talking to our daughters. We need to talk to our sons and our brothers about respecting women and respecting themselves.

It starts in homes. It starts in small conversations that treat all
people as worthy and equal. It starts with having the courage to speak
out against the wide variety of forces in our society that objectify
women.

It starts with understanding that as men, our value does not come from how much power we hold over women. Our value comes from being respected and being loved as we respect and love the people who matter to us.

Be brave enough to tell a different story. Be courageous enough to
rise above the lies that our culture tells you about how to treat women.
In doing so, you’ll help create a better world for your sons. And for
your sons’ sons. And that’s something to which we should all aspire.

Oh God..
Me..my dd and ds watched that performance..
Miley was the one acting like a slut...and trashy...not Robin...
Theres no discussion to have with my son..but I will admit..I am a little misogynistic...

Like it or not..women have to hold themselves to a higher standard than men. They can do things we can't because we would be looked down on. That doesn't bother me at all.

Dude, I literally just read this, lol. I totally agree with it. I have three boys and don't want them growing up thinking that just because it's being waved in their faces doesn't mean they get to stick their dick in it. No matter how she's acting, she's still an autonomous human being that has the right to be viewed as such and has the right to say no.

You're right. Letting a young woman grope your junk with a foam finger with a look on your face like "Yep, you just saw that" and standing with your hips thrust forward while she twerks into your genitals and sing a song about the blurred lines of consent is TOTALLY not slutty. At all. [/sarcasm]

And it bothers ME that women are held to a higher standard. Why? Because there's no reason for it other than sexism. Women are worth more than their sexuality.

I didn't like Miley's performance. I found it distasteful and uncomfortable. I REALLY don't like Robin's song about "blurred lines". A woman gyrating around and humping stuff is weird. A dude singing about rape is fucking disgusting.

Quoting NananRaysmom:

Oh God..Me..my dd and ds watched that performance..Miley was the one acting like a slut...and trashy...not Robin...Theres no discussion to have with my son..but I will admit..I am a little misogynistic...

Like it or not..women have to hold themselves to a higher standard than men. They can do things we can't because we would be looked down on. That doesn't bother me at all.

You're right. Letting a young woman grope your junk with a foam finger with a look on your face like "Yep, you just saw that" and standing with your hips thrust forward while she twerks into your genitals and sing a song about the blurred lines of consent is TOTALLY not slutty. At all. [/sarcasm]

And it bothers ME that women are held to a higher standard. Why? Because there's no reason for it other than sexism. Women are worth more than their sexuality.

I didn't like Miley's performance. I found it distasteful and uncomfortable. I REALLY don't like Robin's song about "blurred lines". A woman gyrating around and humping stuff is weird. A dude singing about rape is fucking disgusting.

Quoting NananRaysmom:

Oh God..Me..my dd and ds watched that performance..Miley was the one acting like a slut...and trashy...not Robin...Theres no discussion to have with my son..but I will admit..I am a little misogynistic...

Like it or not..women have to hold themselves to a higher standard than men. They can do things we can't because we would be looked down on. That doesn't bother me at all.

In that performance, she was the aggressor. I guess he could have shoved her away when she started twerking on him, but then there'd be a whole different discussion about him.

I don't believe women should be held to a higher standard - but who was half naked making a fool of themselves? In any discussion I would have with my sons I would counsel them on the company they keep - male and female.

Who has actually read the lyrics to the song. I have and it doesn't come off as blurred lines of consent. Anyways they are both of age and it shouldn't take the vmas to get men to talk to their sons in how to behave. Wth. This is seriously not as big of a deal as people are making it.

You think they didn't rehearse that? You think he was surprised when she did that? No. It was planned. And his song was about "blurred lines" of CONSENT. "I know you want it... even though you're a good girl and you're telling me no" is basically the idea here. How is that okay but we are outraged by her dancing?

Quoting sweet-a-kins:

My advice

Don't be the creepy old guy in the club

But seriously he wasn't singing about being on drugs or looking like a crack whore

She was.

He also didnt touch her

She did her dumb ass (non) Twerk dance ...that isn't what was disturbing about her trashy performance

Saying the song is about rape is such a far stretch...
And if you feel it is...ehhh...don't listen to it.

Quoting AtiFreeFalls: You're right. Letting a young woman grope your junk with a foam finger with a look on your face like "Yep, you just saw that" and standing with your hips thrust forward while she twerks into your genitals and sing a song about the blurred lines of consent is TOTALLY not slutty. At all. [/sarcasm] And it bothers ME that women are held to a higher standard. Why? Because there's no reason for it other than sexism. Women are worth more than their sexuality.I didn't like Miley's performance. I found it distasteful and uncomfortable. I REALLY don't like Robin's song about "blurred lines". A woman gyrating around and humping stuff is weird. A dude singing about rape is fucking disgusting.
Quoting NananRaysmom:Oh God..Me..my dd and ds watched that performance..Miley was the one acting like a slut...and trashy...not Robin...Theres no discussion to have with my son..but I will admit..I am a little misogynistic...Like it or not..women have to hold themselves to a higher standard than men. They can do things we can't because we would be looked down on. That doesn't bother me at all.

He's a performer he probably thought umm okay the show must go on. Had he shoved her people would have said its violence against women. The man can't win.

Quoting canadianmom1974:

In that performance, she was the aggressor. I guess he could have shoved her away when she started twerking on him, but then there'd be a whole different discussion about him.

I don't believe women should be held to a higher standard - but who was half naked making a fool of themselves? In any discussion I would have with my sons I would counsel them on the company they keep - male and female.

Send me email updates about messages I've received on the site and the latest news from The CafeMom Team.
By signing up, you certify that you are female and accept the Terms of Service and have read the
Privacy Policy.