No one ever said it would be this hard

Today I witnessed an accident. I saw a woman get hit by a car. I don’t mean to make this all about me, but it was very difficult and that was truly something I wish I could’ve gone my whole life without seeing.

* * *

I’ve found myself discussing with a few people lately my choice of not watching many movies. The truth is that I am deeply affected by them, so, violence and tragedy, war and sadness, will rock me to my core and stay with me hours or days. The scenes of what I took in will now be in memory as well. So, a few years back I started weeding out movies and saying no when people asked me to watch stuff I knew I didn’t want to have to handle. Back when I wanted to be an actor, I made myself watch all the Oscar movies like Schindler’s List and Saving Private Ryan. I think they are very important pieces, but for whatever reason, I am already ingrained with knowledge and the (extreme) empathy for those situations. Over the years I have thought it may be because I’m dramatic and I would get inside the characters and truly try and feel what they would feel. The more I believe in past life experiences, the more I think I may have actually already lived through many of the events and have had the experiences first hand.

But regardless of the reasons why, when people tell me that they are deeply affected by movies, I say, set yourself free and don’t watch them! It’s like magic. And for some reason, it’s really hard at first and many people either look at you like you’re crazy or just can’t understand why it’s so disturbing for you. Movies and other media, however, have distorted our views of what we should be able to handle. We have seen so much blood and violence that many just continue to raise their tolerance of it. Can’t you see that reflected in the amount of violence that is happening in our society every day? And the children watch the movies and play the video games raising their tolerance of violence and distorting their concept of reality. And then violence becomes real. It’s just one little beat away from the gun violence and death we see on screen, to it being in real life. I don’t think it’s good for us. It can’t be assisting in our spiritual journey, that’s for sure.

I know it’s silly, but when I think of this, I think of a quote from Jewel song that sums it up: I’m sensitive and I’d like to stay that way.

So to weave this together, I’ve been saying that I make an active choice to take in what I want to in the form of entertainment, so that I can cope when the real life things happen–that I don’t get to choose–I can accept and deal with them. Well, now here is the chance for that practice. Sometimes it’s just annoying all the lessons that are thrown at us! This situation is overwhelming to me because I know that it will be forever woven into my life going forward. It’s hard right now to not see the instant replay happening constantly. When I close my eyes to meditate, it will be with me. Now to practice being the master of my mind and go inside, away from the external world and to be at home with my higher self…one breath at a time.

Nobody said it’d be easy, but love & light to all on the journey. Prayers of healing & peace to the woman in the accident, her family & friends, the driver and for all those around like me who witnessed the event.

Island Gal

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2 responses

I’m so sorry you had to see that. I find myself having a hard time not taking home the plights of my very involved patients. As a health care practitioner I know we are supposed to leave it at work, but it’s incredibly difficult for me to do that, and while I believe it probably makes me a better practitioner, it certainly makes for a tougher journey. Nice insight on what we are “supposed” to be able to take, because that is certainly something I think about often.