My good friend and musician colleague recently told me that he has a crush on me. I have always admired him and thought highly of him - he's smart, funny, handsome, and a great guy......

and he's a lukewarm (at best) Protestant.

Now, allow me to say that his being a lukewarm Protestant does not make him any more of a sinner than I am. We are all stained by Adam and Eve's choices in the garden. We all make bad decisions which separate us from Christ Jesus. HOWEVER, I don't think he fully understands the Catholic church's teachings on things like celibacy, birth control, and sex before marriage. I tried to explain this to him, and he was like "I still don't see why we can't date." I began to get frustrated, and said "Well, honestly, what's going to happen is we're going to date, and you're going to want to do physical stuff which makes me uncomfortable, and I'm going to say no, and you're going to get mad, and both our feelings are going to get hurt, and it's going to be a hot mess. Let's just not go there." He responded, "Wait, so you're saying you don't want to have sex with me?"

*FACEPALM*

How do I remedy this situation so that I don't hurt him or lose a good friend?

My good friend and musician colleague recently told me that he has a crush on me. I have always admired him and thought highly of him - he's smart, funny, handsome, and a great guy......

and he's a lukewarm (at best) Protestant.

Now, allow me to say that his being a lukewarm Protestant does not make him any more of a sinner than I am. We are all stained by Adam and Eve's choices in the garden. We all make bad decisions which separate us from Christ Jesus. HOWEVER, I don't think he fully understands the Catholic church's teachings on things like celibacy, birth control, and sex before marriage. I tried to explain this to him, and he was like "I still don't see why we can't date." I began to get frustrated, and said "Well, honestly, what's going to happen is we're going to date, and you're going to want to do physical stuff which makes me uncomfortable, and I'm going to say no, and you're going to get mad, and both our feelings are going to get hurt, and it's going to be a hot mess. Let's just not go there." He responded, "Wait, so you're saying you don't want to have sex with me?"

*FACEPALM*

How do I remedy this situation so that I don't hurt him or lose a good friend?

You're going to say the same as you would say to a lukewarm Catholic. I respect you. I respect myself and more importantly I don't want to dishonor our Lord by doing anything that is reserved exclusively for married couples. I don't want to have casual sex. I want to make love and the way you do that is by committing to me in holy matrimony. I am saving myself for my spouse. I am worth the wait. And you stand your ground. If he persists cross him off your list.

That's an abbreviated version of what I would say and do. If he respects you enough to listen to that, great! Then we talk about converting a lukewarm Protestant into a diehard Catholic. If not, say I'm sorry and move on. If he persists he is not really a friend, imo.

If he actually respects your wishes on your faith & STICKS to it, dating would be ok ......with the agreement (signed contract) that he will convert!! Little humor here. Probably just remaining friends is the best option.

Now it's time for me to make everybody mad and make them scold me for being a bad person. To me, he sounds more like a jerk/dumbbell than just a well-meaning but lukewarm guy. I wouldn't be too bothered at giving him the brushoff. Ideally, you should be nice about it, even if I wouldn't.

I kinda think you jumped the gun but mentioning anything about a physical relationship.

It's not because of your religion that you would turn down a physical relationship -- it's because you recognize that you have no right to one.

Why don't you just meet him as friends? Then, when you know him a little better, get him one of those little booklets (not "Catholicism for Dummies", something really short) and say, "I thought this might help you understand me a little better. Once you've read it, tell me more about yourself so that I can understand YOU a little better."

My good friend and musician colleague recently told me that he has a crush on me. I have always admired him and thought highly of him - he's smart, funny, handsome, and a great guy......

and he's a lukewarm (at best) Protestant.

Now, allow me to say that his being a lukewarm Protestant does not make him any more of a sinner than I am. We are all stained by Adam and Eve's choices in the garden. We all make bad decisions which separate us from Christ Jesus. HOWEVER, I don't think he fully understands the Catholic church's teachings on things like celibacy, birth control, and sex before marriage. I tried to explain this to him, and he was like "I still don't see why we can't date." I began to get frustrated, and said "Well, honestly, what's going to happen is we're going to date, and you're going to want to do physical stuff which makes me uncomfortable, and I'm going to say no, and you're going to get mad, and both our feelings are going to get hurt, and it's going to be a hot mess. Let's just not go there." He responded, "Wait, so you're saying you don't want to have sex with me?"

*FACEPALM*

How do I remedy this situation so that I don't hurt him or lose a good friend?

Just tell him: "Hmm, sex could be really good in the context of a practicing Catholic marriage. When you figure out how that works, you let me know. If you need help, ask. But let's be clear, sex before marriage... not going to happen..." :) Then give him one of those charming smiles with big eyelash flashes...

(quote) Marge-938695 said: I kinda think you jumped the gun but mentioning anything about a physical relationship.

It's not because of your religion that you would turn down a physical relationship -- it's because you recognize that you have no right to one.

Why don't you just meet him as friends? Then, when you know him a little better, get him one of those little booklets (not "Catholicism for Dummies", something really short) and say, "I thought this might help you understand me a little better. Once you've read it, tell me more about yourself so that I can understand YOU a little better."

Actually, I know him really well. We've been friends for years. This is why I am befuddled as to his not understanding my views on things like premarital sex (which I know for a fact he thinks is not only acceptable, but expected in a dating relationship).