I am too 'professional' to be considered management material

I have a good job in the not-for-profit sector, which, for the most part, I really like. I manage a well-motivated, capable team of 15 who have a strong track record of delivering large projects to tight deadlines and even tighter budgets. In my annual appraisals, my work is always judged to be somewhere between very good and excellent.

Despite all this, I have come to realise I am not viewed as senior management material. In recent years we have had a lot of management changes with many new people recruited to senior roles. A few have been excellent, but many have, frankly, been obvious bullshitters who can talk a good talk but are incapable of delivering. They usually last a year or two before they are found out, but then the organisation seems to recruit more people just like them.

Meanwhile, I have been unsuccessful whenever I have applied for more senior jobs, often being told I have come a "close second".

I have tried to work out why I am not regarded as management material and have compared myself with the people who do get appointed. The main difference I can see is that I have what is regarded as a "consensual" style of management which I presume is seen as good for leading projects, but not for senior roles. I tend to focus on meetings and activities at which I will have some purpose, rather than ones that just raise my profile.

Recently, my CEO told me I was a consummate professional. I know he meant this as a genuine compliment, but it also confirmed my view that I am not seen as anything more than that. What can I do to change this perception?

As a self-confessed introvert, Cain demonstrates what many of us already believe: that extroverts, in many parts of the world, and particularly in business, get rather more than their deserved share of attention, promotion and reward. And how, in parallel, (and this may strike a chord with you) the leadership potential of introverts is often under-rated, or even overlooked altogether.

I'm not pigeon-holing you as an out-and-out introvert but on the extrovert-introvert scale, you'd certainly seem, from your letter, to be nearer the introvert end; just as the senior management recruits that you describe, the bullshitters, the ones who talk the talk, would seem to be a great deal nearer the extrovert end.

Popular culture doesn't help. Television programmes like Dragons' Den and The Apprentice encourage the belief that success in leadership comes only to the loud, the outgoing and the assertive. It seems you're a victim of such a generalised prejudice – and that your CEO, perhaps subconsciously, is one of many to equate leadership qualities with overt forcefulness.

Cain doesn't argue simplistically. She's not saying that all extroverts are phonies or that all introverts are potential world-class leaders. She simply argues persuasively, and with evidence, that effective leadership can come in many different guises.

So whatever you do, don't change your style. Don't try to be what you're not. You'd do it very badly and convince no one, least of all yourself.

Instead, have another word with your CEO. While being careful not to knock the extroverts – many make exceptional leaders – suggest that your lower profile approach can be at least as effective as any other. If you find the Cain book helpful, you might even refer to it; your CEO should be reassured to know that there's well-researched support for your general argument.

Readers say

• I have had similar issues and I think you are really good at your job but not necessarily at self promotion (no bad thing in my view, but I am still struggling at the bottom because of this fact). I would try to befriend some senior managers and find out what they are looking for. Present new ideas to them and you will be promoting these rather than feeling so much pressure to blow your own trumpet or be trampled on by those that do. This may work, but if not, then seek more senior employment in a new organisation where they have no preconceived ideas about you. LadyEatington

• You really shouldn't look to your own perceived failures. Senior management are often mutual, self-congratulatory little cliques who cover up each other's failings. I've been a union rep for years and I see it all the time. You are, by the CEO's own admission, a consummate professional. You clearly have a good relationship with the staff you manage, and you and they deliver. I suspect you don't bullshit or have a craven attitude towards senior management. Your attributes are not what it takes to gain admission to the club.

You have two options that I can see: stay where you are if the salary provides you with a decent standard of living. Enjoy the good relationship you have with your staff and try to improve your work-life balance. Or, move on and try to get a senior management job in another organisation. However, it seems to me you are neither ruthless nor incompetent enough to fit into a senior management role. nannypam

• The reality is that there is a world of difference between being able to lead the delivery of defined programmes to time and budget and being able to provide strategic leadership to an organisation. I have seen a wealth of individuals who are excellent at the former, and will never be able to do the latter. The best starting point is to accept there are good reasons that you have not been promoted, and be brutally honest with yourself in working out what those are. You need a very frank conversation with your CEO, who may be too nice to give you the feedback you need.

This might read a bit harshly; it's really not meant to. I'd suggest it will serve you better than some of the "everyone's crazy bar me and thee" stuff. BallaBoy

Is it wise to relocate as a way of achieving my ultimate goal?

I am in a stable job with reasonable promotion opportunities, but I can't help feeling the company I work for is stagnating – which is something I have no chance of changing at my very low level. I am tempted by an opportunity to work for a different business unit within the same corporation, which I believe would give me better transferable skills and opportunities to work abroad – my ultimate goal.

My partner has very few opportunities in her line of work in the same sector, so the relocation would be beneficial to her. I have only been in the position for a little over a year and am not sure if this would be a wise move, or if I should stick it out longer in my current role?

Jeremy says

I can understand your hesitancy. It's never sensible, irrespective of the state of the economy or the jobs market, to rush such a decision when you don't need to. But I strongly suspect, when you've given this opening a little more thought, that you'll see it as just too appetising to ignore.

There's one thing, however, I'm not quite clear about. You say you're tempted by an "opportunity to work for a different business unit within the same corporation". Is that an open offer? Or is it simply an opportunity to apply? In your particular case, this difference becomes more significant than it might otherwise be.

If it's just an opportunity to apply, there must be a chance that you won't get it. But because it's within the same organisation, there must also be a fair chance that your present managers will know you went for it. So you'll have signalled your dissatisfaction with your present role without successfully replacing it. Only you can judge how difficult that might make things afterwards.

But I'd still encourage you to look at all this with optimism. After only a year, you've come to the conclusion that your current company is stagnating. That's unlikely to change. Here's an opportunity that could improve your skills and offer relocation abroad: a move that strongly appeals to both you and your partner. Unless you're confident that similar openings will always be around, then turning your back on this one could be a decision you'd long regret.

Readers say

• I don't think a year is too short and it sounds like you've thought out the situation well. I moved abroad for work and I basically engineered it for myself. If you were to come to me for a job and explain the above as the reasoning behind job moves I'd be impressed, because it shows you can identify what you want, plan for it and execute a strategy. Also be aware that while loyalty is wonderful it will likely count for very little should there ever be redundancies in a stagnating business. I would give it a go. Good luck. JazzTulip