Paula Deen’s Words

We all make mistakes. It’s our unwillingness to take responsibility for them that ultimately harms us.

America’s country cooking queen, Paula Deen, is currently the subject of a heated debate about language and second chances after she admitted to using the N-word. Deen apologized on the Today Show last week, but she also stated that people say things they don’t mean sometimes. And then she made a serious mistake by announcing after her apology: “I is what I is. And I’m not changing.”

The Food Network, Smithfield Foods, Caeser’s Entertainment, Walmart, Target, Sears and Kmart all announced that they will no longer be carrying Paula Deen cookware or any other products due to her recent admission. Why wasn’t Deen’s apology enough to save her public image and career?

Many say Deen was focused too much on her own feelings instead of the feelings of the people that she hurt. But the greatest criticism of Deen centered upon the statement:“I is what I is. And I’m not changing.” These words hit a raw nerve because Deen didn't take responsibility for her speech, and she declared her unwillingness to even try to change.

We all say things at times that we don’t mean, but what do we do after we realize we have made a mistake? Can we really change?

Many years ago, my grandfather built up a clothing business with his brother. They started by selling shirts from pushcarts on the Lower East Side and eventually they owned a big store in Manhattan. One day after years of working side by side, my grandfather's brother turned on him. I never really knew what was said or why. Grandpa never liked to talk about it, but from that day on the brothers stopped speaking to each other. Grandpa took his share of the business and his brother kept the store. My grandfather never saw his nephews again who had been like sons to him. The families stopped inviting each other to their celebrations and avoided mentioning each other's names. By the time I was old enough to hear the story, there was a huge branch of my family tree that had basically been cut off forever.

Sometimes I used to ask Grandpa why he didn't try to call his brother and try to repair what was broken. "He'll never change. Too stubborn to say he's sorry. What's the difference? What's gone is gone," my Grandpa would say.

A year before my grandfather passed away he shocked all of us by going to visit his brother who was in a nursing home. It had been more than 40 years since they had seen each other and as soon as my grandfather's brother saw him, he grabbed his hand.

"You were right. I'm sorry. I should have never done what I did," he told my grandfather.

Afterwards Grandpa didn't really want to talk about it nor did he ever see his brother again. But I saw tears fill his eyes when he told me, "He finally said he was sorry. Too late now. But he changed. He said he was sorry."

We can repair what we’ve destroyed. It starts by taking responsibility.

I thought about all those lost years that could never be replaced. The holidays and the bar mitzvahs and the weddings. The separate lives and the families torn apart. It took illness and age to finally prod my grandfather's brother to face the truth inside of himself and to genuinely apologize. It may have been long overdue but he reached out his hand and pushed past his own stubbornness and pride, and did it. He changed.

We should never give up on ourselves by saying, "I is who I is. And I'm not changing." We can overcome the limitations of our pasts, faulty attitudes and the habits of our speech. It doesn't happen overnight, and it's not easy, but it's something we all should strive for.

Paula Deen lost an enormous amount of her life work – not because she made a mistake, but because she wasn't willing to take responsibility for what she did. It is hard to admit when we are wrong. It is hard to reach out and say, “You were right. I'm sorry.” While we still have the chance, even if years have passed, we can repair what we’ve destroyed. We can change how we speak and how we act.

It starts by taking responsibility. Maybe we need to love as if we are dying. Maybe we need to speak as if we are running out of time. Maybe we need to reach as if we are grasping for air itself. For that is what we need to do to really change. We need to want it as much as we want to breathe. Two elderly brothers reached out to each other, even for just a moment, and rebuilt what had been destroyed with those two words: I'm sorry.

Featured at Aish.com:

About the Author

Sara Debbie Gutfreund received her BA in English from the University of Pennsylvania and her MA in Family Therapy from the University of North Texas. She has taught parenting classes and self-development seminars and provided adolescent counseling. She writes extensively for many online publications and in published anthologies of Jewish women's writing. She and her husband spent 14 wonderful years raising their five children in Israel, and now live in Blue Ridge Estates in Waterbury, Connecticut, where Sara Debbie enjoys skiing and running in her free time.

Visitor Comments: 143

(97)
Maxine Harris,
December 18, 2013 1:27 AM

Paula Deen

Paula, like any of us, is in part a product of her culture. While it can be difficult if not impossible to change our vocabulary, she seems unwilling to try. How would we feel about people using ethnic slurs to describe Jews when they thought no Jews heard them? I regret her "insularity chic"--"I is what I is", & I'm also concerned about her apparently unabashed hypocrisy in featuring very unhealthy food on her show while also promoting meds for Type 2 diabetes. She apparently can't even give lip service to having a decent conscience.

(96)
Patty berenson-leppert,
July 27, 2013 10:36 PM

Paula knows that her southern upbringing dosen't give her a pass. When I was young we were taught that every person has value and dignity. In New Orleans Jews were banned from mardi gras participation but were allowed to donate to the crews..There were water fountains which were for :whites only" "whites only" on entrances to resteraunts and stores. What hurts you, hurts me is an innate feeling you have when you allow that feeling to flower. If you stuff it because you're white and want to feel empowered, you devalue your humanity. Miss Dean devalued her humanity and probably more important to her, her brand. This is a lesson we should all pay attention to. If not, we're missing a rich lesson. Take it for what it is.

(95)
Betty,
July 19, 2013 7:11 PM

The Lady Paula

Who among us has not grown in 25 years? We have all said and done things that we regret...Paula's remark was not said in front of her African-American employees..Yes, it was wrong, but she didn't hurt anyone's feelings. This is all about a successful woman, a great mother, and probably a wonderful employer, who made a bad remark in front of a loser employee , and who wants some of Paula's wealth.

End of story...

(94)
Karen,
July 11, 2013 2:58 PM

You took it out of context

She said "I is what I is" about being a caring and loving person, not about using the n word. Everyone acts like this is something she said yesterday instead of a long time ago. All this was dredged up when a disgruntled white employee decided to bring suite against her to make some big bucks. I am not excusing, but Paula is from the south and not too long ago that was just common language. Obviously she did change with the times and does not make a common practice of using that word now.This has all been a complete over reaction. Give her a break and show some compassion!

(93)
Jill,
July 7, 2013 5:47 PM

Your grandfather should have apologized

Your grandfather should have gone to his brother and made shalom, even if he thought his brother was the one who did something wrong. He is as much to blame for standing firm in his stubbornness as his brother was. How sad that blaming "the other side" so often keeps people apart.

(92)
scott,
July 7, 2013 12:41 PM

We are what we are.

There are things you can't take back. I know because I've said them.

The thing i don't say when standing in front of people I have injured is that I am what i am and that I'm incapable of or unwilling to change. For if that is true then I am not truly sorry. I am not repentant...I'm just sorry I got caught. Apologizing is a waste of time for me and them and in essence another insult to those I injured. My feeling is that that is Ms. Deens actual position on the matter.

Perhaps Ms. Deen is suffering a little discrimination herself. Her chicken fried accent and her cultural association with the deep south with its history of racial discrimination and hate crime violence probably weighs heavily in the minds of those who are after her head. She cultivated that image to sell her name and now that image is hanging around her neck like a noose.

I'm sure she will be forgiven. She probably already has by most. But that doesn't mean that those she offended are going to spend their hard earned dollars on products bearing her name.

Like Paula, I'm sure were all sorry that is true...but people are what they are. I'm sure they're not going to change either. Ask Mel Gibson how hos career is going.

(91)
Ronald Cook,
July 6, 2013 2:38 PM

Paula Deen's Jewish Publisher In Birmingham, Alabama

Paula Deen's Jewish publisher and personal friend -Hoffman Publihers- in Birmingham, Alabama is going to keep publishing her magazine and hates how this has become a witch hunt.

(90)
JW,
July 5, 2013 3:19 PM

positive comments on Paula Deen

Calling someone the 'N" word is not such a big deal. My son attends an inner city public high school, has African American friends and hears them calling each other the 'N' word all the time! Paula Deen has had many challenges in her life such as losing both parents at a young age, her divorce, and various phobias and could have just given up and gone on welfare like so many millions of Americans. Instead she built up an incredible business that kept growing! And after being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes she changed her diet and lifestyle. Paula Deen is a great role model. She shows us that you can accomplish anything if you put your mind to it and work hard. Our politically correct society is looking for any opportunity to label someone as racist. Stop judging Paula and give her the benefit of the doubt as we are required to do in Jewish law.

Janette,
July 12, 2013 3:06 PM

I agree with you, we all should give her the benefit of a doubt, as to day those"politically correct society" in the MSM media they just love to play the game of gotya and label someone racist and make it the big news of the day as we all know the real news we don't hear from them.

(89)
cynthia,
July 5, 2013 12:05 AM

I is who I is?

Whoa! My first response was "No, she didn't say that!" I thought it was as bad as saying the n word. I took it as a commentary from Deen on ebonics! She should have stopped at "I'm sorry."

(88)
drbill,
July 4, 2013 6:44 PM

This is not just about names. It is about hypocrisy. Dean espoused the glory of fat and the attitudes of the Old South. She was a closet diabetic. Her "Old South" attitude and banal behavior hardly could be mistaken for a "Southern belle" and her references to wait staffs with manners as "professional blacks," rather than professional waiters, was obnoxious. H.L. Menkin (no friend of Jews) wrote that "Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people" finally has an exception. Bravo and goodbye Paula.

(87)
Beverly Kurtin,
July 4, 2013 4:54 AM

Everyone has done it.

Paula Deen, bless her heart, told the honest truth. I was brought up in Connecticut. We used the"n"wiped every time we choose sides in a game. We did not know what the word MEANT! That was in the rip 40s and 50s. I was almost 14 before I met my first"colored kid. He informed that they didn't like that word, it was an insult to his people. Armed with that info I stopped using the word. I honestly did not know what the word meant!

Do any of us enjoy some of the things WE have been called? Where a Paula was brought up, it was as normal as breathing. She admitted that she used to use the word. Times have been changed. The companies I but from had no reason to Toss out her press and prans.

Now am a card carrying member of the NAACP. It is my way of teshuva and to learn about the problems our black neighbors are still facing and what I can do with them. They are wonderful folks who want to be treated with honor and respect. And I do and so does Chef Paula.

(86)
Christoph1945,
July 3, 2013 10:09 PM

Double standards

Some years ago I worked as an aviation security officer at a British international airport and whilst checking passenger bags passing through the xray machine, I heard some one say " You ok Nigger? " Turning to confront the person who uttered the sentence I found myself face to face with a black British national who said that he had been talking to his travelling companion, who was also black.

On an other occasion I came across a child's golllywog in a passenger's bag and expressed mocked shock at the item and asked how come they had it in their in there. The lovely brown skinned couple said " We carry it because WE can! "

Prior to G-D redirecting me, I never had a problem with black, brown, or Jewish people; I just hated Americans. Oops!!!, am I allowe to say Americanson this site.

Surely it is the delivery and not the word that is offensive?

(85)
Anonymous,
July 3, 2013 4:53 PM

Paula Deen should have quit while she was ahead. It was only necessary to utter the words I'm sorry. If she had only uttered those two words, we would not be having this current debate. However, she shot herself in the foot when she said I is what I is. Poor grammar aside, that sentence tells the world I am not going to change my behavior. It says something/someone external made me offer up this "apology." Paula Deen is an anachronism, who completely lacks empathy.

Beverly Kurtin,
July 5, 2013 7:37 AM

Have you ever lived in the deep south?

Not knowing what part of the world you come from, let me assure you that if Paula, being from the part of the South, she would have been laughed at had she said that she never used the word she was asked. That lady comes from a part of the South where they used that word commonly. Blacks call themselves that word every day, they're not angry, so why are so many white people get their knickers in a wad over what she said years ago? It is straight out hypocricy!

Alan S.,
July 5, 2013 10:44 AM

Amen. My thoughts exactly.

(84)
Joshua Perlett,
July 3, 2013 4:26 PM

Names will never hurt me

I understand the issues with Ms. Dean's comments and apologies and the statement that she is "not going to change" is dissappointing. But she is not alone. Also, it would be nice in these instances that we could look beyond the words to the actions of the person before assigning guilt. I knew a wonderful, giving, gracious woman (who had many black friends) who would use the term Paula used. No one ever held it against her because her actions spoke louder than her words. Human decency, kindness and the rights of every person are too important to be judged by superficially by a word or a phrase. Turn the other cheek and lets all -- including Ms. Dean -- move on and grow.

Anonymous,
July 4, 2013 8:52 PM

two very un-Jewish concepts here

Please note that "names will never hurt me" is not a Jewish concept. There are Jewish laws (called shemiras halashon, "the guarding of speech") about what a person can and cannot say, precisely because words are so powerful. G-d created the world with His words; we create worlds with ours as well. Also, "turn the other cheek" is not a Jewish concept at all; we say instead "tzedek, tzedek tirdof (justice, justice shall you pursue)."
Those things said, however, we are also supposed to be "dan l'kaf zechus (to give the benefit of the doubt)," and I want to offer the following defense of Paula Deen's words: when she made the now famous "I is what I is" remark, I actually thought in context with the rest of her comments that day that she meant to say that she is not a racist and is remaining what she has always been: a person who respects others. We all do make mistakes, and she did apologize and said that her use of the word in the past was "totally unacceptable." Destroying people in public has become something of an American sport, and certainly not a healthy one. If any of us made a public mistake, would we not want to be given the benefit of the doubt? Isn't our public shredding of Ms. Deen also an offense to our Creator?

(83)
Brian A.Donnelly,
July 2, 2013 10:04 PM

The silver lining.

Hi Sara,I'm sure that some good has come out of this unfortunate episode.At least Paula Deen has discovered a new vocation - Elocution Teacher."I is what I is." Indeed and right on sister !!

Shalom,Brian A.Donnelly

(82)
Jeannie,
July 2, 2013 7:46 PM

Semantics

My heart goes out to Ms. Deen. Who but G_d alone can judge what was in her heart when she used the "n" word. Years ago, many people used that word, many without any malice whatsoever.

Political correctness has trumped compassion in the society in which we live. As Americans, we are supposed to have free speech. It seems as if that is true unless we hit on the raw nerve of political correctness.

I have also seen a trend in this country where it seems to be perfectly all right to mock, scorn, and take pot shots at those of certain religious faiths but we dare not offend the religions that have become politically correct.

I think this whole affair with Paula Deen is much ado about nothing. I feel badly for her and hope that somehow she will be vindicated.

B. L. Franklin,
July 3, 2013 8:43 PM

I agree with you wholeheartedly.

Political "correctness" has stifled free speech. I agree that the "n" word should not be used. But, good grief, I think the corporate sponsors over-reacted in a big way. Paula Deen should have simply said "I'm sorry" and let the rest go.

(81)
jack,
July 2, 2013 7:18 PM

I think Paula's apology was heartfelt and she is saying I is what I is and I am not a racist...

Sara Debbie needs to send a correction of her thoughts and commentary

Alan S.,
July 4, 2013 12:16 PM

Huh?

Why does the author need to send a correction of her thoughts and commentary? This article reflects her views of this issue. You've posted your opinion, and perhaps you will write an opposing viewpoint article for Aish.com. But the author need not 'send a correction' unless she believes she made an error, and certainly not because you think she needs to. This is what commentary articles are about.

(80)
Feigele,
July 2, 2013 5:17 PM

The Yiddish word “schwartza” is not pejorative, it is the translation for the color Black at a time when African Americans were so called, it has nothing to do with the “N” word – When African American use it among themselves, it is their prerogative, it belongs to them. Cursing and using the word in songs is offending to everybody. Hopefully this also will pass as every generation goes to rebellion period. If any race, color or creed demand not to use specific epitaph, since they feel it is offending to them, then it should be respected by everyone. It is not a mistake to use it, it's an insult.

(79)
Anonymous,
July 2, 2013 4:58 PM

Political Correctness and Forgiveness

One thing to consider is how many terms have changed over the years to make things politically correct. When one is in their fifties, sixties, and beyond they have had to make multiple changes in terms.Then to watch and hear members of groups use those same politically incorrect terms on themselves.

It's O.k. sometimes for some and not O.K. for others.It becomes a little much to keep changing with every term breeze that blows by. The C. word was deed "inappropriate" when I a child. But quess who didn't change.The NAACP. The same group that said" it was inappropriate" . Young teens where using the N word in songs,TV and Movie skits.Maybe they need to Stop it! and assume their portion of responsiblity.

When someone straddles fences someone will slip and get hurt.Talk is cheap on forgiveness and frequently one sided.The injured deeply wants the person who offened to acknowledge the wrong. If they do they still hold it against them.By avoiding that person so they can't hurt them again.Because when one truly "forgives someone they have to take the chance that person ,animal, company,or government will goof up again and they may get hurt and have to forgive again.How many times has God had to forgive Israel. Bunches. We all goof up. No one is greater than the other.

(78)
Iris M.Cooper,
July 2, 2013 3:42 PM

Sisters should agree to disagree. I have two sisters who donot bother with me because of our relationship with our parents. I got along well with our parents but wanted to be close to my two younger sisters. It did not work out, but it hurts the children of the sisters very much. Iris

(77)
Emma Mason,
July 2, 2013 3:34 PM

Ironically, "I is who I is." is stereotypical language displaying racism once again.

Ironically, "I is who I is." is stereotypical language displaying racism once again.

Lisa,
July 3, 2013 12:44 AM

I am a Southerner .....

Actually its not racism, it's the language of the Deep South ....which, y'all, I can bet you never visited!

(76)
Nancy Price,
July 2, 2013 3:25 PM

nbp1@hotmail.com

It seemed to me that Paula Deen was going to be crucified in the news media no matter what she said or didn't say. She admitted to having used the "n" word in the past. What woud have happened had she lied about that? Obviously, the media would have investigated until they found something that suggested otherwise. She chose to tell the truth, then so-called experts observing body language, etc. deem that she is not sorry about her past judgements until she makes the unfortunate statement that she is what she is. I think what she was trying to say is that she, like the rest of us, is human. Human beings make mistakes. If any among you is perfect and never err, then step and sling the mud, otherwise I think that folks should accept her apology and move on.

(75)
Anonymous,
July 2, 2013 1:52 PM

Nothing is worth cutting ties

I have always been very thankful that many years ago an acquaintance told me that her mother and her mother's sister never spoke again for the rest of their lives because of an argument about a flower arrangement at at wedding! I decided at that moment that I would NEVER argue with my sister--ever! We have a business together and we live completely different life styles and have very different political stances, but we have never had an argument, never hung up on each other, never yelled at each other. We do disagree on many issues and listen to each other's opinions respectfully. I'm over 70 and I expect to never have an issue that we can't handle. Hearing of families torn by disagreements makes me very sad.

I googled this statement " I is what I is and I am not changing" and didn't find it anywhere?! We discussed this article tonight and I was unable to find this quote....What is your source for this? It sounded like to me from Paula Deen's interview she was very apologetic and therefore I don't get the basis for this article...Can you please cite your source for this quote since it appears she never said this or it was taken out of context.

(72)
Anonymous,
July 2, 2013 3:14 AM

Her apology was more prejudice and filled with hate than her original statement.

I do not feel like she is an appropriate example of someone who regrets what they had said. please see this link http://dailycurrant.com/2013/06/28/paula-deen-blames-the-jews-for-firing/

TMay,
July 2, 2013 7:58 AM

Snopes says it is a FALSE Report and satire.

This commenter pointed to an alleged new interview with Ms Deen which was shocking with allegations of anti-Semitic comments and would have been very stupid.. But the link to the article did not have a video audio tape which made it suspicious. Today Snopes said it was FALSE and that the journal was satire. So now that that is out of the way I suggest people read this editorial from Savannah which is supportive of Paula Deen. It appears that the law case was a shakedown. It still has to go to court. If this ends up being a film, I hope Paula Deen, her brother and her son, make it and that the plaintiff Lisa Jackson does not. I wish Paula Deen the ability to deal with the stress that this has created since she is an older person.

(71)
Ann,
July 2, 2013 2:38 AM

Paula was right!

Why isn't the sincere apology from Paula Deen being acknowledged? Even worse, why is she being pilloried for answering truthfully under oath about a robbery where a man stuck a gun to her head and threatened to shoot her and when she described him she used a word that you may not like but sure was accurate at that moment thirty years ago!

This article goes way out on a limb that breaks off when the author dribbled into her grandfather and his brother's obstinacy.

Paula did not avoid blacks after the attack - they work all the way through all of her establishments and companies. Paula did not cut off communication - in fact she went out of her way to say she was sorry for what she said thirty years ago.

I have no idea why I is what I is and I'm not going to change raised such a stink in the author's mind. It is a fair and accurate statement and Paula is right when she says the south and her own attitudes have changed over the years. She's changed and grown, sorry your author's grandfather couldn't - but don't try to tie the two together, it doesn't work.

(70)
MARVIN JASPER,
July 1, 2013 10:50 PM

FORGIVENESS

AS THE HIGH HOLIDAYS APPROACH WE WILL ASK HASHEM TO FORGIVE OUR SINS. CAN WE DO ANY LESS?

(69)
Joan Dresner Bernstein,
July 1, 2013 7:09 PM

Paula Deen did take responsibility.

In saying "I is what I is," she said this is who I am, my words define me. I am what I sound to be. Additionally, she is referring to a classic racist joke and using the punch line "I is what I is." Paula Deen was standing up and being proud of being a bigot.

(68)
Kurt,
July 1, 2013 4:58 PM

Blacks and the N-word

I have never figured out who is responsible for the name changes for the black population. Growing up I was taught to use Negro. Then during the turbulent '60's it changed to black and now it's African American. I began to wonder if there was a cultural identity crises I was not aware of. The 'N' word is just a word and like all words it has meaning; whether positive, neutral or negative. Granted it's usage has created an extremely negative but not equal reaction in our society. If a Caucasian uses the word hands go flaying, voices are raised and umbrage is taken. However, I have been in environments where Blacks use the 'N' word in normal discourse as in "My N this..."or" that N ......" . Who then should be held accountable and express remorse for its continued use?

(67)
charlene walker,
July 1, 2013 3:42 PM

Corporate America was hasty and hypocritical. They took away our right to buy her books, watch her t.v. show, and buy products she endorsed. They slammed the door in our face, too! Shame on them -- let him that is without sin cast the first stone. Everybody has used a slur against another at some point in his life -- she was just honest enough to tell the truth -- sworn under oath -- and they chose to crucify her and take it out of context. It was about the past and that's where it should have stayed. Come on America -- we're allgoing to face God and the judgment we use here is the one He'll use on us.

(66)
Ceci,
July 1, 2013 3:24 PM

Better

We can have better celebrities as good examples for all of us.Paula Deen is not. She crucified herself with her mouth and a actions. Later on she lies at Today show by saying that only once said the n word. She is not going to change according with her own words, she does not know what can offend people... She has fantasies seen black people as slaves. On the Today show, she also tried to get clean by talking about her workers in her restaurant talking to each other without respect....Did she do something to stop it? Allowing racial jokes in her work place and pornography in her business computer? Calling her black worker with nicknames that pleased her. Keeping diabetes as a secret to secure her pocket while promoting the food that got herself in trouble. Talking on tv about a black man that was as black as the blackboard and making him move from the dark background to be able to see him? This woman does not no the difference between right and wrong. This

(65)
Anonymous,
July 1, 2013 3:08 PM

Better

Exactly. People do make mistakes, and they always have their reasons for their mistakes. Own up, say, "I'm just mortified that I was the kind of person who could talk that way. Knowing what I know now, I would never use such hurtful language, and I'm truly and deeply sorry for what I've done." I'm betting that would be more or less the end of it, and it would have been a more honorable way to handle the situation.

(64)
Anonymous,
July 1, 2013 2:46 PM

Amen, (57) Anonymous. Paula's been crucified with way too much vindictiveness by the stores, the publisher, the public, et al. Who hasn't ever said something nonsensical (such as I is I) when under such severe pressure.

(63)
Anonymous,
July 1, 2013 2:30 PM

Regrets, we all have a few...

I grew up in Brooklyn (born '46) and heard the term, "schvartzah" at home and on the streets. I never understood the meaning to be a racial slur; in fact, I always understood it to mean "that black person" to whom my elders were referring (of course, you may insert any other word where I used the term "black," makes no difference, I've lived through the days of "African American," "Negro," and the infamous "N-word.") Most of the time I never really knew what to call "a person of color." Then, even as a Jew, I spent a year in a Vietnam foxhole with a young man from Richmond, Virginia - Clarence Angus. Like so many others, Clarence gave his life for this country; his color had no affect on me until I returned to this country and heard others make the big deal out of it. To all those who are unwilling to accept the inner human being for what they may bring to this world I say, "You are only limiting your own life. G-d made us all, we have a collective purpose to live and prolong life. What really is the need to emphasize color, religion, ethnicity, etc?"PDeen: nothwithstanding her upbringing, should merely & sincerely have apologised for past transgressions; I'm sure everyone has said something of which they are regretful. Now, where's that pound of butter....

(62)
Chana,
July 1, 2013 2:28 PM

the big picture

Ok so after reading some comments I feel like the big picture was missed its not about Ms.Deen its about our words and how it can destroy us as a people and last years on years if we don't learn to forgive one another not only that but not forgiving causes you loose out on the best things in life like weddings and birthdays and hoildays ect. Its a cycle of who's right and who's wrong but to say sorry can put a end to all the big fuss and say I messed up please forgive me true its hard to forgive but who are we not to when Hashem forgives us.. to me the big picture isn't what was said its how to heal from what was said and forgiveing one another and enjoy life .. to live is to forgive!!!

(61)
Peter Wilks,
July 1, 2013 2:26 PM

Sick of the Paula Deen Story

Come on people! Give it a rest. I don't care what she said back in the past. How does it affect my life? It does not. I don't care. And I am black.

(60)
Yosef,
July 1, 2013 1:32 PM

I'm sorry, but I think all of this with Paula Deen has gotten out of control. We are talking about a person that was in a harsh situation and said something. I am 100% sure I would have said the same thing or worse. I am not saying that what she said was right, but I am saying that people talk about "oh, how bad it is etc..." and then they say even worse. I think it's time everyone just stops and we hit the do-over button. Let bygones be bygones. Here in the South we live to the beat of a different drummer and I think that racism and slurs are a nasty little part of our society. We want to think that we have over come it but really we have only swept it under the rug. In the black community slurs are sung and said every day as if they were an opera. As whites we can't do anything about it because then we only lower ourselves to that standard. But also nothing is done.....In the black/ white communities we talk about Blacks, Whites, Mexicans, Chinese and now with much venom Muslim's. As Jews the word "shvartzah" is a word that you hear as a kid and then your kid hears it etc... Because you now say it , as the saying goes, "If you have noting nice to say about someone, say it in Yiddish!" I think that she did a great thing, Paula Deen told the truth, and because it hits too close to home the media and some self righteous men and women now think she has to be made into an example and that makes me sick...... Signed, Fired up in Atlanta

(59)
kamil,
July 1, 2013 12:59 PM

shocking

I agree with Diana. Additionally, I'm thinking that the "N-word" and context that she used it in particular, is being underestimated because IT IS the "N-word." I doubt that any Jew would side-line "a word" or "a racial statement" directed at us. Was it long ago and only used once or twice? Probably. Its disappointing to me b/c someone I really like said those things and said, 'I is what I is and I ain't changing" during her interview. What does that really mean?!? Paula, if you're sorry...say it. Talk about the history of hate and the atmosphere of disappointment you've created and what you've learned about the effects of such words....and end it! I've heard people say, "she's a southern white women, what do you expect?" Let's be honest, there were many many white southern men and women that were against the so-called way of the south since the founding of this country. Money spoke louder and was much more powerful. Thank G-d for the 13th amendment...it was a good start and much work was still needed no doubt. She'll bounce bad, and I hope she does. If we have consequences for our actions, so should she. #mytwocents

(58)
Anonymous,
July 1, 2013 11:46 AM

American Politics

I don't think it is really about something Ms. Deen said decades ago nor whatever statement she made recently. We have here blacks who won't let go of the past, and whites who won't let go of it either. We have people who let other people define them. If you know who you are, nobody else can define you. I'd like it better if Ms. Deen had just kept her mouth shut instead of answering the reporter. She should be mature enough to know that she was being set up for a fall. This "gotya" game in the US is destructive and it seems too many play it. I was taught to consider the source and not dignify a rude or stupid statement with an answer. Our society is split so many ways everybody is at war with somebody. Nobody forgives anything anymore.

Anonymous,
July 1, 2013 12:52 PM

Objecting to "N" word is reasonable!

I don't think objecting to being called the "N" word is "not letting go of the past!" It's a racial slur that's offensive - period.

kamil,
July 4, 2013 6:20 PM

objecting

I totally agree!

(57)
Anonymous,
July 1, 2013 11:43 AM

Paula Deen controversy

She admitted under oath that in her life (long, long time ago), she uttered prejudicial comments or jokes or inappropriate words.

Who hasn't? times were different then,and I doubta single person alive could make the claim that they NEVER used a bigoted or racist term in their entire lives. How many times has a Jew used the term "shvartzah"?

this is a severe overreaction, and your article is completely misguided in the interet of making a point that this situation is not a good example of.

(56)
diana,
July 1, 2013 5:09 AM

in light of the torah

Let's look at this in light of the Torah, for it is only G-d's word that can judge. Lev 19:18 says that we should treats others as we would want to be treated. If you one that is saying using a particular offensive noun to describe someone is ok, how would you feel if it you were on the receiving end? It is spiritually immature to judge something as right or wrong based on the actions of another.
The Torah also calls for us to forgive each other, yet the offender needs to seek forgiveness with a repentant heart. Forgiveness however does not mean the absence of consequences. And with the suffering of consequences comes restoration. This pattern is replayed numerous times with the nation of Israel since antiquity.

(55)
Anonymous,
July 1, 2013 3:37 AM

Let's Get Real!!!

First of all this whole hoopla isn't about people using the "N" word or any other word but the fact that Paula is a woman, white, a Southerner and successful. The media once again had to prove that they were capable of bring down someone. Whether she is sincere in her apology or not has nothing to do with anything,. She is a celebrity and if you don't like her or her "unrefined cooking" ....turn the channel. Plenty of others has said much, much worse and nothing is said about it. When did we all become such victims. It is a sad day when we have nothing better to do that destroy a person's character when the world as a whole is wallowing in filth and depravity of a magnitude that we have never seen. What a shame. All I can say is let he who is without sin.....cast the first stone!

Debbie,
July 1, 2013 8:11 AM

Hear, hear! The way that this woman is being used by the media as a whipping boy reveals the extreme politics at play. They have proven that they can destroy a person just because they can. I can't even recount how many times I've hear rappers use that word to describe each other and the "B" word to describe women. Why aren't their corporate sponsors blacklisting them? Why is that is okay for them? What a disgusting double standard.

(54)
Shelley Megerman,
July 1, 2013 3:24 AM

Paula Dean's words were extremely hurtful and reveal her underlying prejudice. Now, what about the corporate sponsors? What are their hidden agendas? Are they complicit when it suits their bottom lines? Case in point...Dr Steven Hawkins support for BDS. Where was the outcry by the Discovery Channel and the sponsors? Is this a case of a "blind eye" when it comes to the Jewish People and Israel?.

(53)
Genuine,
June 30, 2013 11:49 PM

Genuine

If Paula Deen was really regretful for her comments she would have been taken seriously after her interviews about the use of the n word. Being that she is from the south the likely hood that she meant that she thought the use of the word was wrong, was a lie on her part AND more than likely she has more historical hatred towards Jews as well. People like her don't change their stripes and pass them on to their children, this is evident for all bigots and racist, whether they are black , white, Jew, Muslim or christian. If you believe that using those hateful words to hurt, demean or oppress a person or group of people, you have ton work hard on changing and a sincere apology is a great start. She already said she wasn't changing. I tend to believe her when she says she is who she is. Now, maybe the loss of millions will convince her that her beliefs are truly detrimental to her and her legacy. She can save her company if she wants too. Once this blows over she can reach out to those historically discriminated communities with love and compassion and repair the damage she has caused by clinging to her ancestors hate and evil that fueled the murder and enslavement of a beautiful race of people that have contributed loads of creativity, invention, compassion and love to the world.

Anonymous,
July 1, 2013 8:13 AM

Dear "Genuine," you are judgmental.

Alan S.,
July 1, 2013 9:10 PM

Really? And this bothers you? Generally speaking, people writing comments in a section such as this will be judgmental. I believe this is why there is a 'comment' section.

(52)
Anonymous,
June 30, 2013 11:27 PM

Forgiveness is a two way street

The story of the two estranged brothers was very touching and sad that it took so many years to reconcile. Do we not have an obligation to forgive others for the sake of our own selves because of the anger and bitterness and as indicated lost years and opportunities.

(51)
Blaine,
June 30, 2013 11:03 PM

Culture

Paula Deen is a southerner. That's not only how the 'whites' talk, but also how the 'coloreds' talk. It may not be 'cultured' but it is their culture. The problem I do have the uproar is how the same media that is lambasting Paula Deen over a 'racist' word is not condemning but instead is promoting such as that Korean 'gang-nam' rapper who ranted about murdering Americans doing all sorts of filth to American women as well as Lil Wayne and others who do likewise. Hypocrisy of the highest order?

Alan S.,
July 1, 2013 9:46 AM

An excellent and honest assessment.

(50)
Anonymous,
June 30, 2013 10:42 PM

You have to be crazy. She is a public figure. She needs to watch how she talks and expresses herself. Too many people, politicians, think they can say anything and get away with it. She is not one that should

jc,
July 1, 2013 7:56 PM

no she wasn[t

She was not a public figure when she said this, and I am pretty sure nothing like this has passed her lips since she became one.

(49)
Bea,
June 30, 2013 9:57 PM

Love means being willing to say "I'm sorry," even when you're not the one who is wrong. That's what you grandfather should have done, Sara. And, yes, I have a list of stores I will not buy from anymore, because I believe Paula Deen has apologized, even though I don't think she should have said anything else after "I'm sorry" Don't know where I'll be shopping from now on, but I DO know where I won't be shopping! AND, GOODBY FOOD NETWORK, GOODBY.

(48)
Anonymous,
June 30, 2013 9:56 PM

a word

I did not know of Deen previously.. A woman who is white who is suing Paula Deen and her brother for sexual harassment and a hostile racial work environment said Paula Deen used the term in 2007 and now says she didn't. Paula Deen denied this, and said she used the term once in her life several decades ago on a day when a man she knew held a gun to her head and he was trying to decide whether to shoot her because he knew she could ID him because she had previously tried to get him a loan from a bank. She said she does not lie. This is over the use of a word. Remember that Hillary who looks like she will be running for pres, in response to questions about the torture and Murder of 4 Americans in Benghazi, responded Jan 23, 2012 or so "What difference, at this point, does it make?" about events 4 months earlier, and carried on the story during the election for weeks about the attack being the result of a video trailer, and it turns out there were cables from the CIA about Al Qaeda, and they had live video feed, and it looks like 50% of the country would consider voting for Hillary; when May 1, 2013 WH Press Secretary Jay Carney said Benghazi happened "a long time ago", when Benghazi took place 8 months earlier on Sept 11, 2012; when Jesse Jackson used the word Hymietown and continued his work; when Al Sharpton accused people of felonious crimes in the Tawana Brawley scandal and he was sued and was found liable for defamation, and refused to pay the damages ordered, and he has carried on; and Paula Deen s use of the word decades ago was when she was upset after coming close to being killed. It looks like a pile on by the media on Paula Deen. Paula Deen was a Dem who campaigned for Obama. The businesses that are dumping her seem a little too self righteous for me. If they do not want to do business with her, then they should not sell to anyone who has used a bad word in 66 years and that would mean closing up shop. Maybe Paula Deen will counter sue the plaintiff.

(47)
Maurie R,
June 30, 2013 9:10 PM

I would be far more inclined to forgive her were it not for the "I is what I is" comment. We all make mistakes and have done things we regret. The key is to learn from them and commit to continuous improvement. Social conditioning is a huge behavioral influence. But first we need to acknowledge the inconvenient truth that free will comes with mistakes and self control is the essence of character. When we surrender to nature and nurture as she did with the follow up comment is when we have problems.

(46)
Sue,
June 30, 2013 9:09 PM

Keep the Faith, Paula

We all have said things we shouldn't have, some we meant and some we didn't. I am not from the deep south, but I can understand that a culture you grew up with would be in the fiber of who you are and the way things are said is just natural. Shame on the lady who caused all this, she will have her day. If she's laughing now, I'm sorry for her. Paula keep the Faith. G-d is still on the Throne.

(45)
Anonymous,
June 30, 2013 8:57 PM

connection to Shoshi Stern's attitude

Although Paula Deen and Shoshi Stern (a"h") were/are very different people in many ways:age, religion, education, lifestyle and (undoubtedly) value system there is much that Paula Deen could have learned from Shoshi (a"h). If we remind ourselves of what Debbie wrote then , we can see again how important it is for each of us to try each day, in small "bites" to improve our ways of dealing with others and growing into better people step by step. We can each avoid falling into Paula Deen's unnecessary drop from favor if we follow Shoshi's wonderful way of interacting with all the people we encounter.

(44)
Anonymous,
June 30, 2013 8:46 PM

The Judge

We were not created to judge against each other. God appointed a Judge. We were told to love each other and forgive whatever grievances we may have against another. It is written that the peacemakers are the sons of God. Shalom Shalom.

(43)
Suzan,
June 30, 2013 8:42 PM

Southern Mentality

If you don't live in the south, you won't get it. They hate Jews here too... What you don't realize is that signs in store windows as late as the early 1960's said "No N..s, No Dogs, No Jews." And nothing has changed. When I tell folks I am a Jewess, their faces fall and that is the end of the conversation. Even if you accept them, that does not mean they will accept you. That is why so many families in the south have nice Jewish names... but they raise and eat pigs and would never admit that their great great was a Jew. Wake up.

ST,
July 1, 2013 2:20 PM

Not only have I grown up in the south, but so have my parents, one set of grandparents, and even one set of great grandparents. To say that "they hate Jews here too" has not been my experience at ALL, and we are talking about small towns, not Atlanta. While it is true that many country clubs and other social organizations excluded Jews for a long time (along with blacks), to say that there is a culture of hate in the south towards Jews is very inflammatory and hardly true.

Simcha,
July 2, 2013 4:14 AM

Senseless hatred

B"H,
My mom was from Arkansas (she was a convert) while I was raised in NYC. In yeshiva I was the only one who had a bit of twang in their Hebrew. I have traveled extensively in the south and never had a problem because I was a Jew. However in NYC I have seen quite a bit of Anti-Semitism, not to mention bigotry against blacks.. Even had someone write some interesting graffiti on our door having to do with the fact that we are Jews. Stop with the everyone in the south is a bigot stuff. There are bad people all over and some might fine people all over too. Maybe it's time to stop being a victim?
You might also remember that the Temple was destroyed because of senseless hatred. Do you think your letter brings us closer to returning from the galut?
As far as Ms. Deen, I don't know much about her as I doubt she does much kosher cooking, but I'm willing to cut her some slack for offences committed years ago. Maybe we all would be better off if we had a little forgiveness?

(42)
Anonymous,
June 30, 2013 8:05 PM

it is payback

I was standing in line next to a older well dressed black lady, she talking to her friend was telling how someone want to much money and she had to Jew him down! At first I started to butt in to explain to her that is demeaning and racist. Then I thought she new no better that was how she was raised. Some are saying the real reason was Paula embarrassing M.Obama in a recent book . google paula deen michelle obama. payback just needs opportunity

(41)
Laurence Cohn,
June 30, 2013 7:39 PM

It is a load of crap

Paula Dean stated that it was common in the south and I might say all over the country years ago to refer to someone who was black as a nigger. She stated that she used the term way back then. So what, today black comedians and many blacks themselves call each other nigger as an insult. The publishing company and stores to which state that they will no longer carry Paula Dean’s books and products mistakenly think that their “public relations” announcement will get them more business from the black population and they will be the loser in the end – Two thumbs up for Paula Dean!

(40)
Anonymous,
June 30, 2013 6:41 PM

Not to disagree but I have one question...

Even if the 2 people involved in a quarrel eventually reconcile...how does one get back time? How can one have relationship with all the extended family involved by their relationship to the parties who quarreled? Those who lived all their growing up years never knowing one another...

(39)
Michelle Engelmann,
June 30, 2013 6:29 PM

I knew it!

The second Ms. Deen uttered the words, "I will not change," I knew she had hammered in the last nail of her celebrity coffin. All people make mistakes. Maya Angelo once said, "Once I knew better, I did better." We all evolve. Change is inherent in doing so. Change is one of the very few things that is absolutely constant in this world. Without it we can not adapt nor survive. In order to obtain the forgiveness that Ms. Deen seeks she must repent of her old ways. To repent one must make a 180 degree turn from the behavior in question. This requires one to change the behavior. Without a willingness to change one can not repent. If one does not repent, one does not deserve forgiveness. Until she agrees to change Ms. Deen will never obtain the forgiveness she seems to so desperately seek. On a side note her publicist needs to either stop her from publicly apologizing or seriously consider sending her for sensitivity training before she does so again. Every time she opens her mouth she digs herself deeper into a hole she can not possibly climb out of.

(38)
YeHudit,
June 30, 2013 5:58 PM

I tend to tan very much and although my facial features are not African – while the tan lasted during the summer seasons – my nickname was 'KUSHIT' and did not bother me one bit. Moreover, while visiting my sister – the farmer – her daughter-in-law blurted "you are white" and that struck me funny. She was comparing me with my sister who is deeply tanned. So, go figure people!

(37)
Anonymous,
June 30, 2013 5:51 PM

Thoughts

Back in the 60's I was attacked and beaten almost weekly for being white. Called a White Cracker. Worked over the years where my Black co worker use the N word very freely. Where do you draw the line. People just have so much hatred to get so called even. People have the same rights, you just have to work hard. Their are folks that will just never let go. They were not directly involved with the slavery in the 1800, This is 2013. We have a bi-racial presiden, doesn't that say anything. Turn us inside out and we all look alike. That's my thoughts on it all.

(36)
Anonymous,
June 30, 2013 5:41 PM

the"N" word........

I live in a NY neighborhood with many African Americans. Many refer to each other by this term all the time. Girls/women are referred to in a very unflattering term,usually reserved to define female dogs. Why is this OK? The more refined do not use these terms and deplore them as much as anyone else. Political correctness is eroding the social fabric of this country and so many others.

(35)
Gina,
June 30, 2013 5:34 PM

it's made me think.

I am glad it happened, because I have been thinking of the many times i have used not perhaps the N word, but every race, even Jews, as we know, have hurtful words that can be used as decriptive shorthand. What I hated was the business of ending with "I is what I is'...yes, for the "I'm not changing" attitude, but also for the grammatical use usually stereotypically applied to all Blacks. How would we feel if a person who belittled Jews then came out to apologize tearfully only to end his apology in a sarcastic bad pigeon Yiddish? "Oh, he's funny, ha ha" . No, I don't think we would feel that way. I know my grandparents would definitely not feel that way.

(34)
Mary Shelton, Nashville,
June 30, 2013 5:28 PM

Begin by putting our names by our words

I am a private person, and I worry about what people think: Will I sound critical of others who've commented? Will I sound self-righteous? Am I being a show-off?

Nevertheless, I am giving my name. I think the first step in taking responsibility is to stand by what we say. I think that it would make sense if we always gave our names and cities when we commented. Failing that, it would make sense to identify ourselves when commenting on this one issue.

Anonymous,
July 2, 2013 5:34 AM

thanks for your name. what is your comment?

I appreciate your explanation of how brave you believe it is to put your real name on your comment, and perhaps be judged for you opinion.
Did you forget to include your comment and/or opinion?

(33)
Beverly,
June 30, 2013 5:27 PM

We now have 2 standards

So our society finds it OK to condemn a caucasian person for one meaningless slip. Then condemns her again when she uses words that are part of her language and heritage in the south. It's perfectly acceptable for someone like Hillary Clinton to go to Alabama and make a speech and invoke an African American patten of speech and vocabulary and no one says a word. She was practically mocking them, and she gets a free ride. African American leaders and Hispanics use all kinds of derogatory speech deliberately on a daily basis towards Jews, Caucasians and anyone else they choose to demonize and no one says a word. Yet Paula Deen's career is ruined and major businesses intend to participate in her demise. Maybe we should all think twice about patronizing those businesses. I know I will. The current administration in Washington has divided this country along every possible line. We cannot continue to survive as a nation when we are so divided and there is so much hate being generated by this administration and the press that perpetuates it.

(32)
Anonymous,
June 30, 2013 5:23 PM

Honesty

I say that the article points out some very important concepts...having said that, I want to remind everyone that Paula Deen was under oath in a courtroom and she was asked had she EVER used the "n" word. She could have tried to avoid the answer; but in truth she said she had decades ago ... but it was NO longer a part of her speech in the present. Think back 30 yrs about was OK to say; and how political correctness has reversed those patterns of speech. Do we really hold something against someone who spoke in truth on the witness stand; who has "changed" her vernacular in accordance with current standards... quite frankly in the south in many areas some things have NOT changed as they should. But WHEN do we say the past is past and cannot be relived...not one of us reading this post can truthfully say we have NOT used some form of speech that would be offensive to someone else... and hopefully when called upon to understand the offense we can be forgiven for our ignorance and not be "punished" for the rest of our lives/careers for a mistake made in our youth and ignorance...remember the finger the points outward always has the rest pointing at ourselves...

(31)
Jerry Weingrad,
June 30, 2013 5:22 PM

Why must people who are not of the black race have to live by another code of political correctness. Why can blacks call each other the N word, but if a white person does the same, they essentially lose their business or whatever. This is just not fare. Blacks call white people honkies and etc, and nothing happens to them. WHY!!! It is a double standard!!!

(30)
Dorene RIchman,
June 30, 2013 5:14 PM

Another View

I'm wondering about the folks who think that Paula undid her apology by saying, "I is who I is . . ." They are assuming that means that she might continue to use the N word if so moved. But another view is that, along with her apology, she is saying that she is an authentic person, not given to meaningless verbiage but rather that what she says is genuine. What happened to dan l'caf z'chus? (Judge for the good) I think the poster who mentioned Mel Gibson made a valid point: subsequent behavior and language have shown him to be unrepentent but he was forgiven. Why is that?

(29)
the Oracle,
June 30, 2013 5:13 PM

Come Again?

I though this woman DID take responsibility when she testified honestly in her deposition. The various companies who dropped her contract were not taking responsibility by using an easy out to garner headlines and "renegotiate" their contracts.

Anonymous,
July 1, 2013 1:50 AM

I agree.. Many people have used the N word in earlier years and wouldn't think of doing that now.

I agree... She did take responsibility... Too much is being made of this.

Tzipporah,
July 1, 2013 2:22 AM

I agree!

(28)
Anonymous,
June 30, 2013 5:00 PM

Paula Deen's true colors

I beleive that her using that word shows her true colors and that she feels that black people are less than..In so far as Mel Gibson, he too showed his true colors. An apoolgy is made to protect their monies and that's it. I believe Mel Gibson has no use for Jews and Paula Deen has discrimination towards black people in her true nature.

Beverly Kurtin,
June 30, 2013 11:18 PM

No way

Look, Paula is a Southerner. The "n" word used to be used without thinking or necessarily demeaning black people. Living, as I do, in Texas many blacks use the word all the time without being penalized. Even when they call white people "crackers," they are not ostracized, it is just part of the culture.
What angers me is the hypocrisy involved in knocking Paula.
I have used the "n" word in the past, and rarely still use it when "appropriate." For example, l worked in a hospital's operating room in the anesthesia department. One of my black friends would greet me every morning with "You the man, Bev, you the man." THAT was a racist remark and after ignoring him for months, I finally said, "You're right, Al, I'm the man and you're the nigger."
He was shocked but the rest of the blacks and Hispanics just laughed themselves silly. "You've been asking for that, Al, and good for you, Bev."
Then my good friend Al got a talking to by one of the black ladies. "Al, you know that Bev is the only white person who isn't a racist. She gets put down for having lunch with us, she's the only white person who respects us for what we do and loves us for who we are, you've owed her an apology for months."
Well, heck, I didn't want to make a fuss, but Al and I hugged and he apologized; he never called me "the man" again. That was the first and last time I called anyone the "n" word, but he had it coming and we're still close friends.
Paula answered the question of whether she had used the "n" word HONESTLY and took full responsibility.
I am boycotting Target, Walmart and every other store that has severed connections with her because I do not know a single person who has never used that word: White, black, Hispanics, Asians...every person has said at one time or another that word.
Because that is true, I place the blame on the very people who are hypocritical enough to slap her in the face.
Even my black friends are angry at the companies that have cut her throat.

Seth,
July 1, 2013 2:31 AM

I second that!!

I find truth in that response!

(27)
Kevin Cullis,
June 30, 2013 4:58 PM

It takes two to change.

What is good for the goose ALSO has to be good for the gander. Being hurt requires forgiveness, but on BOTH parties, not just one. Both sides have to change, not one OR the other.

I learned years ago that sometimes those that hurt don't even realize they hurt, yet I was carrying around their hurt waiting for forgiveness. If I take responsibility for hurting others, I have done my part by making amends, even though the other side wants more from me, to make amends. I have seen people use victim status (never forgiving others) as a means to garner MORE from others.

Same goes for never seeking forgiveness for wrong doing. Those companies that selectively drop people are JUST as guilty as those that do the initial wrong.

If a community (racial, religious, business, etc.) doesn't change it's culture, it's just as guilty as the one that commits the offending wrong.

Becky,
June 30, 2013 6:25 PM

I agree with you...

These companies are delighting in taking on the role of God in punishment. I don't think she meant she had not changed how she was back the; she said she would never use that word now; obviously she did change from that type of speech. I think what she means is that she is not going to jump through hoops to please and grovel at the feet of these people who are destroying her life.

(26)
Feigele,
June 30, 2013 4:52 PM

Not a little girl anymore and not so cute either!

Wow! I can’t believe all these comments supporting someone who’s ignoring others’ feelings. She’s as crude as her cooking is unrefined. Give her a break! If there was such a word for the Jews, she wouldn’t hesitate to say it too and in front of millions audiences, how would you feel then? She is an adult who conduct herself like a little girl trying to be cute, slurring words that are offending to some people, which is unforgiveable and deplorable for a professional adult who is supposed to show respect in the face of the world. We all like to keep our autonomy but in a civilized world, we also adjust our manners according to the ethics and the standards of the day, which is not her case.

Marla,
June 30, 2013 6:04 PM

BRAVO !

I couldn't agree with you more,my dear! Her demise is a result of the public not willing to put up with her "out-of-touch" way of conducting herself across the board---I have ALWAYS had the worst of instinctive feelings about who this person was---and her "style"--which was/is SO tragically STUCK in an era that this country has moved beyond--which included her dishes,attitude,etc. The witholding of her diabetes while being a spokesperson for that drug company did it for me. I cannot support a hypocrite. She gives Savannah a bad name--I have one side of family there for atleast 100 years and she absolutely DOES NOT represent the BEST of the South....It seems that her deep seeded fear of transforming her closed-minded way of life has finally caught up with her. Ms. Dean has done it to herself, and her next book should be "How I Cooked my Own Goose"......................OY!

anon,
June 30, 2013 6:30 PM

If there were such a word for the Jews?

There are several--all offensive.

Suny329,
June 30, 2013 8:34 PM

YOU are totally wrong about Paula Deen

She admitted her wrong, have you ever committed a wrong and knew it or are you one of those who has done NO Wrong your Whole life ?
Well you have sinned , hurt others so don't come here trying to belittle Deen for her adnitted wrong, not forgiving her, that means as much as I have read anywhere in the Bible you will never have your SINS forgiven.. that's just a fact !!!!
She is southern through and through, she isn't a hater nor one to delibertly harm anyone .
NO she isn't trying to be cute, people who have built what she has with her family and friends doesn't get to the place in life , or her businesses being as you have said above.
GEt a grip on yourself, learn a very good lesson on forgiving others , grow up for goodness sake.

Bubbe Barbara Ann,
July 1, 2013 1:36 AM

You said it so well Feigele

Youre right. There is no excuse for a grown woman -she is not cute. She has rightly been chastized by the media. she deservess what she got.

Anonymous,
July 1, 2013 1:52 AM

Ridiculous

Jumping to conclusions that you cannot know.

(25)
Auriel,
June 30, 2013 4:52 PM

Hypocrites

I live in Dallas, and I hear that word every day. Sometimes I'm shocked and my friends tell me "sorry, I forgot you're white".

I'm also a Jew who was raised in the deep woods of Mississippi. I understood exactly what Ms Deen was saying. Like it or not, she is part of that old southern culture. Unless a person is from the deep south they have no clue.

Another thing that bothers me is that the woman who previously tried to extort money from her before suing, was also caught lying in her deposition and admitted to never hearing Paula say that word. Paula used that word to her husband to describe how the time she was a bank teller and had a gun held to her head. I've been in a similar situation, and all kinds of words came out of my mouth.

Funny how we can forgive Dog the bounty hunter, Mel Gibson, Jaimie Fox, etc... Tarantino gets applauded for Django Unchained, but no forgiveness, no pass, for an elderly southern successful woman who told the truth on the stand about something that happened 27 yrs ago. Even the robber is upset at this witch hunt and in an interview said, "I'm so sorry".

This double standard PC disease and the blood letting reminds me of the stories my ancestors told me about Communist Russia. It's an all out no holds barred assault. They would be rolling over in their graves if they knew this was happening in their great America.

I hate hypocrisy. I've already added a few stores to my ban list.

Quit apologizing Ms Deen. You did your part. You have a good heart and I applaud all the charity work and giving you do behind the scenes.

Beverly,
June 30, 2013 5:33 PM

Well said.

I also live in Dallas and grew up in the South and as a Jew have been called worse. I also hear the N word all the time in conversations with Blacks. This is a one way street we are on and it has to stop. It's getting to the point that only select groups have free speech.

Anonymous,
June 30, 2013 6:28 PM

Thank you and I agree!

You are right about people not from the south not understanding. WE used this word when I was a kid in the 50's because Negro was what they were, and in southern speech, it becomes slurred into something else, and absolutely not meant to cause offense. These Hollywood hypocrites need a does of their own medicine. I have added these companies to my ban list also.

Billy,
June 30, 2013 7:20 PM

Mel Gibson was not forgiven. His career has been placed indefinitely on hold.

Anonymous,
June 30, 2013 8:48 PM

Thank you Auriel!!

Bless you Auriel! You clearly articulated what I wanted to say, thank you!!!

Anonymous,
June 30, 2013 10:29 PM

Auriel, You are so right

The ones who are so against Paula Deen and do not recognize her apology as genuine are worse than she appeared to be at first. The woman admitted her usage of that word. That is much, much more then most people would admit to. She could have said, " OF COURSE NOT, I have never even thought that word." She chose to stand by her ethical values and be honest. She refused to be blackmailed by the person who got all of this blown out of proportion. Instead she bit the bullet and met it head on....GOOD GOING PAULA!
I'm with you regarding her business contacts that have stepped away from her. I will try my best not to cross the threshold of their doors, knowingly.
Even Blacks have forgiven her at least those worth listening to. Those Blacks who have not forgiven her have no room to talk. They are the ones who address the whites as Crackers, etc. and their favorite names for other nationalities and then OF COURSE each other by that same 'N' word.
I think name calling should be banished period! We are all human beings and we are all different shades of color. At the rate of intermarriages there won't be a white or a Black or a Yellow or Red in a few hundred years. We will all be a hue/shade of one color..What will human nature do then? I won't be around at that time but I sure would like to be a fly on the wall to hear the way they address each other then...

Beth,
July 1, 2013 1:40 AM

You hate Hypocrasy?

I doubt you would be so understanding if the situation was reverse and it was the Jews who had been insulted by Mrs. Deen. Whatever happens to Mrs Deen was caused by her own mouth. Therefore it's on her. She need to apologize to God and the people that she hurt, and the people that she worked for have a right to handle it as they deem necessary, afterall it's thier business and thier reputation that was threatened. Perhaps she will learn a much needed valuable lifetime lesson from this.

Rochel,
July 1, 2013 2:18 AM

Well Said!!!!

Auriel, that was very well said. Touche.

Kathy,
July 1, 2013 3:23 AM

Paula's true colors - a very honest and caring lady.

The is so well written. I too am from the south. People must not understand that the phrase "I is what I is" Is a southern expression. She was not saying it as an offansive statement. She is saying that she is not prejudice and will not change.
And for her slurred speed - it is not slurred! I, my family, my friends, we all sound this way. We were raised in the south! It is no different that someone from another part of the world having an accent.
Paula is a good lady that does a lot of good. I hope she knows that a lot more people support her than do not.

(24)
Debra,
June 30, 2013 4:44 PM

Paula Deen

Paula's apology was sincere, I think the statement she made about not being able to change was misinterpeted by the media. Look at her history with black folk's it's all positive except the time she feared for her life.She mentioned evil and apparently evil is trying to take her down. I am wondering who was at the helm of all these firings, people in high places. God bless you Paula, that new door is opened for you, while the other one closes.

(23)
Aliyana Wasserman,
June 30, 2013 4:35 PM

The N word et al

I am not in favor of any use of derogatory terms to refer to any group of people or cultures. that being said, I cannot claim that I have perfectly followed my creed, however I am confused regarding the N word. why?I HEAR this word when African Americans refer to themselves in rap music and on stage and in movies. I am told and I understand it is ok that they refer themselves this way and they and ONLY they have the right do so.However I do not hear defaming slurs from for example: Indians, Arabs or Jews. I am a Jew and it would never cross my mind or my lips to refer to myself or any of my fellow Jews using the K word. NO, not for comedy, drama or insider jest. It just is not done. Perhaps that is why there is not so much fury about the K word, we don't HEAR it so much because it simply is not said so much. Nuff said?

(22)
Rae,
June 30, 2013 4:34 PM

All sin is against God

We wait and wait for apologies sometimes, but where is our personal growth to happen when we see nothing of ourselves in a dispute. In the story here of the feuding brothers it seems that the one wanted only to witness the others' capitulation. "He changed, he changed", but really now...

(21)
LArry,
June 30, 2013 4:18 PM

Look at everything she said

If you listen to all that she said about this, you would realize she was never racist to begin with. But, when your head is on the chopping block it's not the time to be anything but apologetic.

(20)
Ann,
June 30, 2013 4:14 PM

Paiula Deen

Paula Deen chose not to lie on a deposition. She was being honest, that where she came from, it used to be normal to use the "N" word. She admitted that yes, in the past, she had used it. If the likes of Jesse Jackson can move on after being taped using a derogatory term (not in the past, but in the present), and Mel Gibson can use hateful speech (in the present) and move on, why should Paula Deen's past be enough to ruin her present and future?

(19)
Morton Friedman,
June 30, 2013 4:13 PM

Paula Deen no longer needed

Actions speak louder than words. What she said was in a deposition 30 years ago. She was a large contributor to the Obama campaign and a stalwart of the Democratic Party. I guess she is no longer needed, hence, throw her under the bus.

As Rogers and Hammerstein wrote, 'You have to be taught to hate, very carefully taught'. Will Paula Deen take a lesson from this lynchingg?

Signed, A 'Hymie', originally from Brooklyn

(18)
dale331,
June 30, 2013 3:58 PM

40 years???

I have to agree with you that the only one responsible for the 40 years of family division is your grandfather's brother.

(17)
Sherree,
June 30, 2013 3:56 PM

Great message wrong premise

Although the intent and message of this article has great value using Paula Deen as the catalyst is way off the mark. Paula used a slur 27 years ago bitterly describing a man she helped and later turned on her by pointing a loaded gun at her head. Do you really blame her for describing him with the most hateful and derogatory adjectives she could think of at that time? That time, 27 years ago which she didn't even have to reveal when being questioned but her sense of faith and honesty made her answer truthfully. Why would you choose to say she did NOT take responsibility for her actions or choose to change? She is what she is and that is an honest upright person who does not speak that way and only did so once in her lifetime about a man who threatened her life and never again!

Please know and understand the facts before making invalid statements and such comparisons. She has been a very good role model for many people. She did not purposely hurt someone. Had she done so she would have apologized immediately not like your great uncle who let an entire generation pass first.

So we can all learn from your story and we can all learn from hers. Jealousy is a terrible trait. When the media get hold of something they can either describe it accurately with decency and discretion or they can turn it into a three ring circus and use it to destroy a person's reputation. Not only the media but anyone who wants to hurt another person can take any small bit of information on them and blow it into monster proportions to destroy them. That is called "sinas Chinam". We can learn that from this story as well!

rachel,
July 1, 2013 4:40 AM

yes sheDID have to tell the truth

Not revealing something when being questioned under oath is perjury, a serious crime that may be punished by imprisonment.
That said, I agree that remarks made by an older southern woman made nearly 30 years ago should not be used against her now. Corporate America doesnt care about the facts, however, just about bad headlines. That is why she has been dumped.

(16)
Valdemort,
June 30, 2013 3:49 PM

You've got to be kidding...

I can't believe we are even talking about this. Paula Deen admitted to saying the N WORD (let's agree to say "VALDEMORT" instead) about a zillion years ago following having a gun held to her head by Valdemort. Now, she is denigrated (can I say that?) for being honest and offering as an explanation (not an excuse) her upbringing. And you all want to make this a huge lesson in responsibility? Can ALL of you say "HYPOCRITE"? How about Walmart and Sears rid themselves of any shred of anything smacking of racism? The horrid, violent rap rhetoric, calling Valdemorts (they use the real word) to rape white women and kill policemen is acceptable? Not to me.

There are people that seek out false racism and bleat it to the media wherever and whenever they can, and Jews are at the top of the heap doing so for everyone BUT Jews. Think about this one: The latest M&M commercial shows an animated piece of candy labeled M&M resisting being put in an oven. Gee, what imagery could we come up with if we put our minds to it? I think I'm going to sue Mars Candy over that one? Anyone care to join in?

The sanctimonious, self-righteous tone in this article, and in the media in general, is disgusting, and probably not quite kosher, either. Let anyone who has never said "Valdemort" cast the first stone.

Too bad I can't eat most of what Paula cooks up. I might buy her cookbook anyway.

(15)
Victor,
June 30, 2013 3:48 PM

Will world similarly decry Alice Walker's public antisemitism?

Will Sears, Target, and Walmart discontinue selling books by Alice Walker, who has made no hint of a retraction for her very public vitriol against Jews and Israel?

TMay,
July 1, 2013 9:45 AM

Alice Walker

Did you know that Alice Walker disowned her daughter, the daughter of Alice and her then Jewish husband? The girl Rebecca grew up to be a writer.

Anonymous,
July 2, 2013 5:32 AM

No such thing as a "Then-Jewish husband"

Unless he later changed his religion, I assume you meant to say her then-husband who ahppened to be Jewish. What you wrote makes no sense as written.

(14)
Ciara,
June 30, 2013 3:38 PM

I is what I is....meaning

I am originally from the south and I understand what Paula Deen meant when she said, " I is what I is and I'm not going to change." It means that you treat people the way you would want them to treat you. I don't believe for one minute that Paula Deen would deliberately do or say anything to hurt or harm anyone intentionaly.But I do believe that there is a lot of over reacting by the Food network, etc. I don't believe that there isn't anyone that hasn't said something or done something that they wished they could take back. I believe Paula Deen was very honest and sincere when she apologized. Why is it that there are some that gets a pardon, while for some, everything is stripped away? I think the Food Network and all these other companies that dropped her, should rethink their reasoning. Paula Deen was treated very unfairly.

(13)
Sharon,
June 30, 2013 3:31 PM

Deen's behavior

It's interesting that you have white folks lamenting they're not "being able" to use the n-word with the abandon that rap artists--those paragons of virtue and taste--do. Oh, if I only could.

Paula Deen (and her brother) abused her employees and the suit she faces was brought about by a white woman who was sick of the hostile environment--slurs, sexist language, porn, non-compensation for work--at Bubba's restaurant. Then there's her longing for a slave-themed wedding and her defense of slavery in recounting how her poor grandfather was driven to suicide after losing his "workers" after the Civil War. Not that it matters at this point, but perhaps if he thought to pay his former "workers," they might have stayed on provided he wasn't raping, beating, mutilating or selling off their family before the war.

This is more than Deen's use of the n-word.

(12)
Anonymous,
June 30, 2013 3:21 PM

Unfair media coverage

Paula Dean truthfully answered a question under oath in a court case involving a former employee. Her answer was taken out of context and blown out of proportion and used to "tar and feather" her and destroy her image and reputation. Paula grew up in the Deep South before and during the Civil Rights era before the civil sensitivities and political correctness of the Millennium overcame the biases and fears of earlier decades. Our society has evolved in many ways, some for the better, and some just as intolerant and judgmental as the ideas of earlier times. I think that Paula's comment about not changing is misunderstood. We cannot change our past. But I agree that your point about taking responsibility is important. We should be recognizing that she did the right thing to tell the truth under oath, even though the truth is a painful reminder of a past that we have outgrown. I don't think that Paula was saying that her language or her attitudes have not changed. She would not be successful if that were the case. To condemn her for a past she cannot change is unfair and irresponsible. Instead we should be putting the whole episode into perspective. To consign Paula to the "trash bin" of celebrity because of the media spin is to convict her in the court of public opinion while withholding important facts and evidence. In this country, innocence is presumed until guilt is proven. In Paula's case, this one example has been used to "prove" her guilt, except that the language used to trash her is tangential to the actual case from which it was extracted. Not only that, but it is so highly prejudicial that she cannot possibly receive a fair hearing, not only in the court case, she cannot now receive a fair hearing in the court of public opinion.

(11)
Anonymous,
June 30, 2013 3:15 PM

When Paula said "I is what I is," it was in reply to Matt Lauer's question about whether she regretted being honest in the deposition; her reply was no, I am not sorry for being honest, I was brouoght up to be honest, and what you see is what you get, I is what I is." I thought Matt Lauer was the one who had clearly decided to be the "hard-hitting reporter" and pestered Paula throughout the interview about appearing in public because she was losing money now, when she clearly is upset about the way people view her and wanted to talk about who she really is. I don't know who that is, but I sure feel that this whole thing is more about celebrity culture and people loving to build someone "famous" up blindly or tear them down viciously.

(10)
Anonymous,
June 30, 2013 3:12 PM

Where our freedoom of speach??????

How many times Afr.-American said and did a lot of bad staff to white peole and nobody cares.

Why is it such a big scandal?

Lisa,
June 30, 2013 10:53 PM

Because people are jealous of her success!!

She's a self made woman.....& many are green with envy!

(9)
Daly de Gagne,
June 30, 2013 3:11 PM

Needing to Love as Though We're Dying

Thank you for this moving message.

You are right - it is about love. I am glad you emphasized the urgency of our loving. In truth we are all dying. This we know for sure; we just not know the actual moment when we take our last breath. So, in a real sense, we are all running out of time.

The great wisdom is to know these things in our heart, and to reach out to embrace the other. The forgiveness which we would seek is what we need to find within ourselves for others.

Daly

(8)
ruth housman,
June 30, 2013 3:03 PM

The N Word

It's really strange this comes up now, for me, because I broke up with a Jewish man because he used this to characterize Obama and then said, well it's a word that comes from the name of Nigeria, and Afro Americans often use it among themselves.

That didn't do it for me. He did apologize, but I remain sceptical, because often he says things I am really opposing, that feel very discriminatory. And he doesn't seem to "get" what I am saying.

(7)
Ruchel,
June 30, 2013 3:00 PM

No one is perfect

sounds like she killed 12 people, or wa dealing drugs to jr. high kids outside the school. There have been so many black people using the N word in their music for years. No one says a word. When people call Jewish people kikes or dirty Jew, who says anything? what kind of message does this give children? No forgiving?? not very nice??

(6)
Anonymous,
June 30, 2013 2:54 PM

I'm assuming

this must mean that Sears, Target, Walmart and all those stores will be removing the rap and Hip Hop artists that use the N word and that are racist against whites??? or will they be hypocrites??

Dassi,
June 30, 2013 3:10 PM

or will we

i think introspection is necessary here- how many times have i been at a shabbos table where the word shvartza was used. i have gotten up and left on more than one occasion. let us look at our own community before we start pointing fingers at the rest of the world.

debbie,
June 30, 2013 3:53 PM

You make a very good point.

Alan S.,
June 30, 2013 4:05 PM

Fair point, but only to the extent that 'artists' always seem to get a pass on what they say is 'art', forgetting that their art can be offensive to other people. Racist rap music should be banned by stores who have no obligation to sell it. The n-word should not be used by any person, whether it be an African American or a white person. White people can not, under any circumstances, use the n-word. Period, end of discussion. As the author of the article clearly states, Paula Deen should have publically taken responsibility to become a better person. This would help quell the furor.

Tonna,
June 30, 2013 4:25 PM

Good point...

You make a very good point! I had not thought of that...my first guess is the latter...but one can hope, right? :)

(5)
Susan,
June 30, 2013 2:54 PM

We each our responsible for our lives

This article carries an important message for us as individuals. As far as Paula being a public figure, she also carries a larger burden of responsibility than the average person if she wants to remain a public figure. Corporations such as Walmart and Smithfield Foods must be sensitive to all people and cannot align themselves with people who slur and disrespect others. We all have to work at being empathetic and supportive, to understand those of other ethnic groups and cultures. With human nature what it is, we all have to kick away desires to align with one group against another. Paula doesn't appear to have empathy for those she does not understand. She just doesn't get it.

Someone compared her recently to Martha Stewart. I see no comparison. Martha was a scapegoat in an era of insider trading when the big guys got off Scott free. She took her punishment and even went to prison - while in prison, she actually helped the women there. She opened her heart to women of a socioeconomic standing of which she probably had no experience. Yet she reached out to them. Like Paula, she did not have to. Unlike Paula, she did. Martha has empathy, and the public knows it.

TMay,
June 30, 2013 9:29 PM

27 years ago

When she made the statement 27 years earlier, she was not a public figure.

(4)
Dr. Donna,
June 30, 2013 2:53 PM

Why Mel and not Paula?

Which is better - Mel Gibson's meaningless apology or Paula Deen's?

I work in an urban setting. All too often I hear the N-word on a daily basis spoken by African Americans. Deen lives in a part of the country where that word is a part of the daily lexicon. Does it's meaning change with each speaker?

Looking back at Mel, he eventually gave an apology and continued on his acting career. It is poor commentary on this country that we accepted his anti-Semitic comments but will not forgive Deen's use of a derogatory word.

(3)
Anonymous,
June 30, 2013 2:50 PM

much ado about nothing

There is hardly a Torah personality or any person for that matter that has not put their foot in their mouth. Is Paula Deen less public than Moshe Rabbeinu who Rabbi Wein just said put his foot in his mouth this past Shabbos? He also said so did Yiftach so did Shmuel Ha Navi. Give me a break and give her one too, unless yall are perfect. Of course you will find fault with my comment that's why this is the first and last time I'll ever do so.

Anonymous,
July 1, 2013 7:37 AM

right

Your comments are right. Except for one thing - 2 wrongs don't make a right.
Why do you assume that we will find fault? And...if so, the only "fault" would be the tone you use.

(2)
Yehudith Shraga,
June 30, 2013 1:05 PM

So true and so timely

Wondeful message, especially within the three weeks we are in, especailly in the world we are in, which is the world of our correction.

Nobody comes to this life in the altruistic form, we all start with the most egoistic intentions possible towards this life, but the ability to learn what the life is about and where we are supposed to put most of our energy in, shows our level as different from the animal world which realy IS what it IS, and may change only with the spiritual ascend of the Human level, which HAS the INDEPENDENT possibility to make the CHANGES in ITS NATURE.

(1)
Lisa,
June 30, 2013 10:50 AM

Yall, it's so easy for us to judge

We've all said things we wish we could take back. However Paula is a public figure so she has a greater responsibility to do & say " the right thing." Many people got a second chance....I hope she will be one of them.

I live in rural Montana where the Cholov Yisrael milk is difficult to obtain and very expensive. So I drink regular milk. What is your view on this?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Jewish law requires that there be rabbinic supervision during the milking process to ensure that the milk comes from a kosher animal. In the United States, many people rely on the Department of Agriculture's regulations and controls as sufficiently stringent to fulfill the rabbinic requirement for supervision.

Most of the major Kashrut organizations in the United States rely on this as well. You will therefore find many kosher products in America certified with a 'D' next to the kosher symbol. Such products – unless otherwise specified on the label – are not Cholov Yisrael and are assumed kosher based on the DOA's guarantee.

There are many, however, do not rely on this, and will eat only dairy products that are designated as Cholov Yisrael (literally, "Jewish milk"). This is particularly true in large Jewish communities, where Cholov Yisrael is widely available.

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein wrote that under limited conditions, such as an institution which consumes a lot of milk and Cholov Yisrael is generally unavailable or especially expensive, American milk is acceptable, as the government supervision is adequate to prevent non-kosher ingredients from being added.

It should be added that the above only applies to milk itself, which is marketed as pure cow's milk. All other dairy products, such as cheeses and butter, may contain non-kosher ingredients and always require kosher certification. In addition, Rabbi Feinstein's ruling applies only in the United States, where government regulations are considered reliable. In other parts of the world, including Europe, Cholov Yisrael is a requirement.

There are additional esoteric reasons for being stringent regarding Cholov Yisrael, and because of this it is generally advisable to consume only Cholov Yisroel dairy foods.

In 1889, 800 Jews arrived in Buenos Aires, marking the birth of the modern Jewish community in Argentina. These immigrants were fleeing poverty and pogroms in Russia, and moved to Argentina because of its open door policy of immigration. By 1920, more than 150,000 Jews were living in Argentina. Juan Peron's rise to power in 1946 was an ominous sign, as he was a Nazi sympathizer with fascist leanings. Peron halted Jewish immigration to Argentina, introduced mandatory Catholic religious instruction in public schools, and allowed Argentina to become a haven for fleeing Nazis. (In 1960, Israeli agents abducted Adolf Eichmann from a Buenos Aires suburb.) Today, Argentina has the largest Jewish community in Latin America with 250,000, though terror attacks have prompted many young people to emigrate. In 1992, the Israeli Embassy in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 32 people. In 1994, the Jewish community headquarters in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 85 people. The perpetrators have never been apprehended.

Be aware of what situations and behaviors give you pleasure. When you feel excessively sad and cannot change your attitude, make a conscious effort to take some action that might alleviate your sadness.

If you anticipate feeling sad, prepare a list of things that might make you feel better. It could be talking to a specific enthusiastic individual, running, taking a walk in a quiet area, looking at pictures of family, listening to music, or reading inspiring words.

While our attitude is a major factor in sadness, lack of positive external situations and events play an important role in how we feel.

[If a criminal has been executed by hanging] his body may not remain suspended overnight ... because it is an insult to God (Deuteronomy 21:23).

Rashi explains that since man was created in the image of God, anything that disparages man is disparaging God as well.

Chilul Hashem, bringing disgrace to the Divine Name, is one of the greatest sins in the Torah. The opposite of chilul Hashem is kiddush Hashem, sanctifying the Divine Name. While this topic has several dimensions to it, there is a living kiddush Hashem which occurs when a Jew behaves in a manner that merits the respect and admiration of other people, who thereby respect the Torah of Israel.

What is chilul Hashem? One Talmudic author stated, "It is when I buy meat from the butcher and delay paying him" (Yoma 86a). To cause someone to say that a Torah scholar is anything less than scrupulous in meeting his obligations is to cause people to lose respect for the Torah.

Suppose someone offers us a business deal of questionable legality. Is the personal gain worth the possible dishonor that we bring not only upon ourselves, but on our nation? If our personal reputation is ours to handle in whatever way we please, shouldn't we handle the reputation of our nation and the God we represent with maximum care?

Jews have given so much, even their lives, for kiddush Hashem. Can we not forego a few dollars to avoid chilul Hashem?

Today I shall...

be scrupulous in all my transactions and relationships to avoid the possibility of bringing dishonor to my God and people.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...