Friday, July 12, 2013

Online dating is a lot like an all-you-can-eat buffet. And who doesn't love one of those? You can pick what you want from dozens, sometimes hundreds of options, sample a little bit of everything, leave behind what you don't like, and head back to the line for seconds, thirds, and (in the case of desserts) sometimes fourths. It doesn't even matter if the food sucks. You'll still go back for more.

Such is the case with online dating. There are thousands of options. The odds are good you will meet a lot of people, even if the "goods" are mostly odd. See a picture, "like" a picture, send a message and if the other person is also interested, you'll be exchanging phone numbers within an hour. Bam! So convenient and easy!

Except it's not. What you see, most often times, is not what you get. Everyone is damaged goods in one way or another. Some more than others. No one puts, "I'm fucked up!" in their profiles. That would be too honest! So, it's a guessing game that results in an emptional pendulum: the high of meeting someone new and thinking there might be potential, and the low of finding out he is irreparably flawed and the only potential outcome is a restraining order. But, no need to lose hope! If you find out he's crazy, just push him aside and get back in line. There's plenty more where he came from! Online dating buffet!!

So, let's say you meet someone worth getting to know. How do you start a relationship with a person who bellies up to the buffet? Who, even after saying he is interested in seeing you, continues to spend time online looking for others? Or, what if you can't help but continue to look as well? After all, there may be a better option(s)!

And so you get back in line. The online dating buffet is always open, and fresh meat is being added daily. Belly up.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Online dating -- offered by sites like Plenty of Fish, Match and OKCupid! -- is the worst thing ever to happen to social relations between men and women (and women who like women, and men who like men, because it takes all kinds and let's be fair). The. Worst. Ever. Worse than bars. Worse than speed dating. Worse than blind dates set up by well-intentioned friends. Worse than ______ (fill in the blank with your worst dating experience, and online dating will be even worse). After sharing some of my experiences with my friends (and saving countless marriages in the process), I was encouraged to start a blog. Share my trials and tribulations with the world. Let's face it, misery can be funny. Especially when it's not yours. And apparently mine is hilarious. So begins "Pics of Dicks, and Other Stories of Online Dating." I hope it makes you laugh. Because what else can you do?