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Would You Hit It? Would PsychoticSmiley?

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“I like people, I'm a very social person. I love to hang out, chat, watch films, or just chill. I'm pretty laid back but passionate.”

DOSSIER: Job is to support civilians by fortifying their long-range detection power. Top-secret rumors indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Resilient Unicorn, a plan to use a fucked-up, ancient doomsday device to ensure Obamacare. Certainly historians will eventually celebrate the pilots for their role in Operation Magical Asskicking, during which most of Brazil was destroyed in an effort to relieve boredom. At times, media pundits have heaped praise upon the pilots' general cleanliness. The only question facing these pilots, who are bitter ex-lovers, is this: can they kick the Kaiju without murdering each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Loving family provided a strict diet of cocaine and religion. Somewhat affected by the painful goiter loss of some shitty cat at the age of three. At an early age, showed much promise for being good at doing giant robot stuff, but struggled with with not slaughtering literally every living being he encountered. It was at the age of 6 that he swore revenge. As time progressed, he learned the art of sexual touching. Each sexual yeast infection was a step away from the ultimate revenge that his parents expected from him.

Schooled in some homeless guy's alleyway where he studied some crazy advanced shit... I don't know, lasers or something... where it soon became apparent that he was probably destined to be homeless.

During one drunken night, he stole a Jaeger and his first fight against a kaiju was a fucked-up triumph despite falling in love with everybody in the Western Hemisphere. This was achieved despite seriously fucking up a Kaiju with extremely low self-esteem.

Deciding to finally show a regard for common sense or even reality itself, he re-dedicated himself to attempting to pilot his Jaeger sober and are kicking ass at that, as we all expected.

"You, you can read the textbooks all day long," says one flight instructor. "But when you're actually out there trying to save the Earth, and you have a dick in your mouth you better forget everything you learned and react to the fucked-up situation right in front of you. If you don't, somebody's going to get pregnant. Believe me, this is one soldier who totally gets that."