This isn’t 80 years ago and no one is asking for advice for their grandparents or great grandparents,

Everyone was NOT married at 18 back then.
My parents were married 79 years ago, he was 22, she was 21 .
My paternal grandparents were married in 1919, he was 24, she was 20>>>they waited until he returned from the US army, drafted to serve in WWI
My maternal grandparents were married in 1920, he was 24, she was 20>>>they waited until he finished medical school.

All of these marriages took place in NYC, all of these people were born in NY.
The last marriage in our family that had a chasan or kallah 18 years or less occurred in 1856 in Suwalki…they left for America in 1872.

There is no “appropriate” age…its whatever the young man and woman decide its right for them. As more of our young men and women realize the need to obtain the needed education and job skills to earn a parnassah its inevitable that the age of kiddushin will move into the early 20s or later. Some may want to learn and go to college part-time so it will take several years longer to graduate college and finish an advanced degree.

There will always be some who try to rationalize children marrying children so they can rush to have more children. If thats there hashkafah, thats fine but as CT Lawyer and others have noted, all the empirical studies that have been done, including those of the heimish tzibur here in the U.S. and Chareidi tzibur in EY, the divorce rates are materially higher for those who marry in the 16-19 age bracket versus those who waited a few years. Yes, its legal, but so is marrying your first cousin in 7 states and it doesn’t make it “right”.

Just about every medical professional would advise against marrying a first cousin; yes, there are many thingks that are allowed under daas torah but that doesn’t mean you are obligated to do them. The torah allows a number of punishments including stoning for a variety of “crimes’ (putting aside whether or not we have a Sanhedrim), allows for taking multiple wives (putting aside Rav Gershhon’s thoughts on the issue), etc. etc. Just because something is allowed by either Torah or civil law doesn’t mean its a good idea in the context of modern society and norms. I’m sure Joseph may feel its a great idea (and he can find a rav to give him a heter) to marry his 15 YO first cousin but that doesn’t mean 99.9 percent of yidden today would do so.

I was wondering about that as well. I also didn’t think that R’ Yehuda HaChassid wrote about cousins.

I can’t say for sure since he has a long list and I haven’t memorized it, but I certainly have never heard anyone say that they are opposed to marrying cousins for that reason, even though I have often heard people say that they won’t do other things because of his takanos.

There are a lot of people who refrain from marrying first cousins, but the reasons I generally hear are either genetic or weirdnes (and in at least one case this was from someone who is makpid on some of the takanos of R’ Yehuda HaChassid, yet didn’t mention it as a reason not to marry a first cousin).

Personally, I think one of the reasons people are against marrying cousins is because they want their kids to grow up relating to their cousins as brothers and sisters, and once they do that, they can’t be a possible marriage partner.

Halachically, first cousins are permitted to marry each other, hence they have all the regular Dinei Rrvah and then some. Even HaEzer Siman chuf-beis states that relatives have the din of “Libo Gas Bo”, meaning there are some hateiri of Yichud that while applicable in most cases are not applicable for cousins, who have more restrictions than normal. Shulchan Aruch (E.H. 22:8) and the Aruch Hashulchan (E.H. 22:6) present examples of a man and a woman who grew up together or are related – such as cousins.

GH:all the empirical studies that have been done, including those of the heimish tzibur here in the U.S. and Chareidi tzibur in EY, the divorce rates are materially higher for those who marry in the 16-19 age

Joseph:That’s factually incorrect. The frum communities with the lowest marriage age averages also have the lowest divorce rates.

Can either one of you cite which studies you got these supposed facts from?

The torah allows a number of punishments including stoning for a variety of “crimes’ (putting aside whether or not we have a Sanhedrim)

To set the record straight, the Torah does not “allow” stoning. In certain cases the Torah *mandates* stoning for the violation of certain cardinal laws with eidim, hasrah, and the Sanhedrin. And conversely, if any of those criteria are not fulfilled, the Torah *prohibits* stoning.

<p style=”padding-left: 30px”>I’m pretty sure it was Rabi Yehuda HaChassid- either way, there was a famous Rabi Yehuda Ha______ who wrote a famous tzava’ah that many people hold by. One of the things he wrote (I think- couldn’t find a source) was not to marry first cousins.
Anyway, we’ve been through this before.http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/cousins-marrying

Another reason- for arab countries- they would get engaged REALLY young (like under ten, maybe under five) because if they weren’t married they might be forced to marry a muslim for example the orphan law