censorship

Mom-Hating Major Networks To Show Repeats of Dumb Shows Rather Than Ann Romney’s Speech

The Mitt Romney for President 2012 campaign had a smashing idea for night one of next week’s convention: Get Ann Romney to speak! She’s a nice gal who “humanizes Mitt Romney,” don’t you know. Have you heard? Once the world meets Ann Romney, nothing but Endless Victory will follow. And yet problems have arisen: (1) Ann Romney’s opening act will be a hurricane that levels the city of Tampa and (2) CBS, ABC and NBC won’t even be showing the speech. Instead they’re airing repeats of what, one thing about a detective, another one about fairy tales. A Hawaii thing. (They are all about detectives.)

From the NYT:

CBS plans instead to show a rerun of “Hawaii Five-O,” its hit police series. Viewers of NBC will see a new episode of “Grimm,” about a homicide detective with the supernatural ability to sense evil. And ABC plans to show “Castle,” a series about a best-selling mystery novelist who helps solve crimes.

The networks, which reap considerable advertising dollars even from summer reruns, have told the Romney campaign that they will broadcast an hour of convention coverage on the final three nights — but no more.

Advisers to Mitt Romney, facing a blackout of the opening-night program they fastidiously scripted to soften perceptions of the candidate, are angry.

All we know is that if any of these dumb shows feature a horse, then they’re making fun of Ann Romney for having MS. For shame.

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

Unfortunately for Mitt Romney and the Repubicans, when it comes to the television networks: "You didn't build that."

viennawoods13

I'm thinking that isn't a spelling mistake.

PuckStopsHere

Yeah, but fairness! Bet they are all in favor of a Doctrine or something now.

JustPixelz

If you mean dropping the "L" to make "Repubicans", it is not a mistake. I like to tease their obsessive concern for what happens in the pubic arena.

AbandonHope_

(Insert pubic arena joke incorporating "one man enters" here)

viennawoods13

I like it.
Pres Bartlett: Didn't they attach a family planning rider to the highway bill last year?
Josh: They did.
Pres: What's with these people? They can't stop talking about sex.
Toby: If they can't be havin' it.

Castle: Doctrine, as in, you can protect your home. And Obama is just waiting to take your guns away! [That's why he hasn't done it yet! Because for some reason unfathomable by anyone except your average wingnut, it will be more satisfying later.]

Exhausted66

Castle: As in, Where does Mitt Rmoney live.

SorosBot

Castle just makes one wish Firefly hadn't been canceled so soon.

finallyhappy

Bring Firefly back!!

ChessieNefercat

Remember when Castle wore his Firefly outfit for Halloween?

finallyhappy

yes! And the daughter said something like " dad, you wore that 7 years ago"

Mittens Howell, III

If we did watch her speech it would just give us more ammunition.

PsycWench

"Get Ann Romney to speak! She’s a nice gal who “humanizes Mitt Romney,”
Nothing could go wrong with that plan.

One_who_wanders

We need a candidates wife with a superpower!

kittensdontlie

Ann is a malleable lead to Mitt's poorly casted iron.

TribecaMike

Somebody's got to lube the droid.

Boredw/Gravitas

All that "You people…." crap has certainly humanized Mittens for me.

Monsieur_Grumpe

What they need is to have an alternative like the Puppy Bowl is to the Super Bowl. May I suggest a roomful of 2 to 4 year olds, a couple of cases of Jolt Cola, lots of prunes and no spare diapers.

The networks have already given all you people need to know about the convention.

anniegetyerfun

OK, I have seen the new Hawaii 5-0, and I have to admit, I'd rather watch Ann Romney give a speech. Even two.

SorosBot

I just find it weird, after Star Treks Voyager and Enterprise, the Babylon 5 spinoff Crusade, Angel, Charmed, 24, Spider-Man 2, Hulk, and Lost to see Daniel Dae Kim in something that's not sci-fi or fantasy.

I like how they recap stuff every five minutes for the dumbs.
And super-saturating the color, because Hawaii is SO dull without it!!1!

ChessieNefercat

Aw, I have to confess, I love the show. The acting and writing is bland, but I like seeing so many places that I saw when I lived there for three years way back in the 80s. My younger son was born there. I never really belonged because I wasn't from there and was (still am!) a haole (white person), but I still liked it. I was there long enough to see and do non-touristy stuff.

One might deduce that the networks have already figured out that Ann Romney is not "ratings gold".

OneYieldRegular

You know your candidate has an image problem when the party has to rely on Ann "we've given you people enough" Romney to provide the warmth factor, and can't even put a cute puppy on the podium without voters being reminded of Mitt being a dog torturer.

Angry_Marmot

They could tie the puppy on the roof of the Tampa Bay Times Forum, built with $86 million socialist taxpayer monies and $53 million more from the Tampa Bay Lightning.

Baconzgood

I'd rather it's a Columbo from the 70's

slithytoves

I'll be tuned to the Weather Channel – best convention coverage, I hope.

Advisers to Mitt Romney, facing a blackout of the opening-night program they fastidiously scripted to soften perceptions of the candidate, are angry.

Really, what a shame — after booking Chris Christie to yell at poor people, Paul Ryan to take away every iota of social welfare, Doug Feith to tell us why we should invade Iran, Michele Bachmann to yell at Planned Parenthood, John Bolton to yell at the UN, Donald Trump to yell at Hawaii, Jan Brewer to yell at the Mexicans, Todd Akin to yell at rape victims, Eric Cantor to yell at anyone wanting disaster aid, John Boehner to yell at people who want Congress to do anything, and Rand Paul to yell at people who want Wooloworth's lunch counter to be integrated, the mainstream media decide to skip the five whole minutes of the convention designed to soften Romney's image? Really, they should explain this biased coverage.

chicken_thief

But Boner will cry afterward, giving everyone a very warm and fuzzy feeling toward the MittBot.

What's a matter, Willard, free market not good enough for you? Dump some of your cash to the networks and they'll show it.

fartknocker

Well fuck me. Karl Rove and Sheldon Adelson keep telling everyone they have SuperPacs with over $100 million in funds. If this GOP shindig is so important for America to witness, they can just go to the networks and purchase X hours of prime time programming.

"Not only did we never clap on the beat, we never, no matter how eternally long the song went on, managed to clap at the same time." — Dave Barry

SorosBot

Money can't buy you a good fashion sense, apparently.

anniegetyerfun

But it can usually buy you a servant who DOES have good fashion sense.

kittensdontlie

For true lovers of all things of princess Ann of Romney, a fishbird eye nipple chest tattoo would make a perfect fashion statement.

Estproph

So much for my Ann Romney drinking game…every time she says "you people", take a shot, every time she tries to claim she's just reg'lar folks, down a beer, every time she disparages the common people in some way, take 2 shots…I had planned to be drunk within minutes, but no more.

All we know is that if any of these dumb shows feature a horse, then they’re making fun of Ann Romney for having MS.

Tonight, on Hawaii Five-O, Dano comes face to face with the jockey who stole his daughter.

*click*

Tonight on Grimm, Detective Burkhardt must ride through the enchanted forest on the back of a mysteriously black stallion

*click*

Tonight on Castle, Dick Castle is called out to Belmont Race Track to investigate…

*click*

So how much did you want for John Wayne's saddle?

ChessieNefercat

Hey, you know the names of all the main characters! Oh, wait, so do I. Wonderfully scripted and acted bits about the human condition, aren't they?

mavenmaven

We'll see her plenty when she's on Dancing with the Stars.

chicken_thief

The gal doesn't have the good sense to pick out a decent blouse or be the spokesperson for some charity so it looks like she gives a shit about making an impact – why would anyone want to listen to her?

TribecaMike

But we're still going to see some obligatory convention tongue-down-throat-ass-grabbing action on the last night, right?

I think I've already seen this RNC show anyway. Around here it's called, Duck Dynasty.

BlueStateLibel

You're kidding me – the networks refuse to air an hour of an arrogant rich woman talking about "you people?" How surprised am I!

RadioBowels

If she brings Rifalca it'll be a real Dog and Pony Show!

Hahahahhahhahahahaha

PuckStopsHere

All she was gonna say was, "GET ME THOSE PUPPIES!" so we're not missing out on a lot here.

Jus_Wonderin

I don't know if the RNC has thought about this but they might snag some of those viewers back if Ann ate some bugs, or drank some pigs blood, or ran the gauntlet of swinging Nerf dongs or….hell, come on, get creative RNC. Do we have to do all the work for you????????????????

tomrfinn

you know who will be covering Ann Romney's Speech? PBS. But that's only for libtards

tomrfinn

Indeed 3 HOURS of coverage instead of Rick Steves or NOVA or This Old House or whatever

viennawoods13

Damn. Monday night is Hustle night on PBS.

ChessieNefercat

They will only retain their funding by agreeing to offer 15 versions of Queen Anne expressing her opinion of You People as premiums during Pledge Week. CD! DVD! VHS! Cassette Tape! Your choice!

MosesInvests

Does that come with a tote bag or an umbrella?

ChessieNefercat

Yes! Yes, it does. You can get a totebag if you order the four-pack of DVD for you, and VHS+Cassette+autopen signed picture of Rafalca for Grampy and Nanaw. This for a low low donation of whatever, because let's face it, the handwriting's on the wall.

You can get an umbrella with the CD of Romney explaining how the wealth will trickle down upon the peasants. Get your umbrella ready!

TribecaMike

Are Mormons allowed to watch I Spy?

ChessieNefercat

I don't see why not. Culp's 5 wives (though consecutive, not concurrent) would cancel out Cosby being blah, right?

barto

Now even the fucking weather has a liberal bias.

randcoolcatdaddy

Of course, if there's a hurricane, the networks might be interested in showing more than just three hours of the convention.

Misty Malarky

Ann Romney is sort of like a Hexenbiest, so it's all the same difference anyhow.

ChessieNefercat

Yes, but the Hexenbiest seems to have a softer side, compared to her Imperial Highness of the Spun Gold T-Shirt.

So they're not showing Mitt's work as a missionary in a feral kitten refuge and a puppy farm?

Generation[redacted]

With any luck, the most extensive coverage of the convention will be on the Weather Channel.

ChessieNefercat

Must get back to work, but seriously? They're still going with "You people should just eat cake" as a good thing? Humanizing the Rombot 3000 unit is one thing, but it seems to me that they might want to consider being somewhat selective about the type of human they want people to think of when they hear "Romney." "Romney = arrogant, snotty bitch" is not a good thing, RNC party planners!

carolinaswamp

They aren't going to show SC Gov. Nikki Haley's speech either, after she sold out the whole state of South Carolina to get a prime time slot at the convention! They'll be sorry. She is likely to make very unpleasant comments about the networks on her Facebook page. I'm sure this will be devastating for NBC, CBS, and ABC.

DahBoner

They could save a lot of money by not covering the Convention and just broadcasting Leave it to Beaver reruns with a little graphic at the bottom:

"Grimm" is not a dumb show.
It is a somewhat awesome show that has crimes based loosely on the Grimm stories. It's set in Portland, and filmed in Portland; and on at least two separate occasions, when I took my daily walk, I walked past where they were filming.

tessiee

Oh, fer the love a…
It absolutely floors me how much these bilionaires love something for nothing.
I suppose now Mitt will show up with some fucking laminated note from the head of the network and demand free airtime, like he was Lindsay Lohan's mother at Carvel:http://www.nypost.com/p/pagesix/dina_creamed_by_c…

tessiee

*presses back of hand to forehead*
Oh, what a crushing blow for Mittens!
If only his autocratic blonde stepford wife, who refers to America as "you people", were allowed to tell us that Mitt is really just a misunderstood nice guy; we'd completely forget that he has not a single idea in his head that doesn't involve lining the pockets of the 1% and/or crushing the 99% under his solid platinum boot heel.
But alas, it is not to be.
*bites knuckle of index finger*

mr bojangles

show us your tits!

ttommyunger

I'm wondering what level of force would be required to force me to watch her speak…

Bullshit. I call Bullshit. The Republicans have more money than God and unlimited influence within the television industry. If they wanted gavel to gavel coverage of their convention, they would have it. No, they're hiding this tardfest like it was Bridget McCain.

Coupled with Mitt not wanting to talk about his taxes, his tax plan, his economic plan, abortion, his record at Bain Capital or pretty much anything, and the Republican strategy is clear. Keep as much actual information out of the press as possible and bet everything on the big billion dollar ad buy in October.