Easy Prey

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Police investigating Rebecca Ferguson fraud claims

By:
WENN.com
Oct 29, 2013

Police in the U.K. are investigating allegations British singer Rebecca Ferguson was the victim of a $150,000 (£100,000) fraud. The pop star claims she was tricked by conmen in March (13), leaving her out of pocket after a business deal turned out to be a set-up.
Officers in Merseyside, England have arrested two suspects in connection with the investigation but are yet to bring charges.
A statement from the force reads, "The investigation is ongoing and no one has been charged at the moment. Two people, a male and a female, have been arrested for fraud for false representation. They are due to answer police bail the week commencing December 9."
Ferguson admits her naivety upon shooting to fame on the 2010 series of U.K. talent show The X Factor made her easy prey for conmen.
She tells Britain's Daily Record, "I put too much trust in people and for that reason they took advantage of me. I had money, well over £100,000, stolen from me from people I trusted who sought to gain from me. It's really disgusting. It's the betrayal.
"I think I was so naive to the world but I feel I have become a woman now and am more aware of what goes on in the world. Not everyone is good."

What happens when you're a hyper-intelligent murderperson looking for an easily malleable friend/potential fellow murderperson and he just so happens to be under the thumb of someone else? Break them up, of course! And it seems like that's exactly what Dr. Hannibal Lecter is trying to do with our dear Will Graham, being pushed and pulled dangerously close to the edge by Agent Jack Crawford. On Thursday night's episode of Hannibal, attempting to awaken the beast within, Hannibal tried to become the cancer that eats away at Will's control.
Cancer and its machinations played heavily into the stories of all our characters tonight. Diagnosis sends them all into tailspins: Is it a dream? Can it be cured? And if we pretend it doesn't exist, will it just go away? Or is cancer (metaphorical or otherwise) just the ultimate end to us all, and we just simply choose when to accept it?
The episode that was originally intended to air today was pulled due to its content, but you can find anything pertinent you need to know about it here — and its character development between Abigail, Will, and Hannibal are to prove vital to the series later on. But for now, we have "Coquilles": another word with French origins (meaning "shell") that is also a dish typically made with scallops, served in its shell. And shells, as we all know, protect the scallop within (the meat of the animal). Will has a shell around him and Hannibal is hell-bent on cracking it open and ripping it off. In time.
Following the events of "Ceuf" (which... I think they meant oeuf; French for "egg") Will begins sleepwalking. Hannibal believes this is a sign of PTSD wielded by the relentless iron first of Jack Crawford. Throughout Hannibal and Will's interactions, Jack is constantly positioned as the aggressor and impetus for Will's own mental unraveling. But while Will clearly knows all this murder business is no good for him, he's also not an idiot and recognizes that Hannibal is trying to alienate him from Jack.
Jack, meanwhile, has a mess of things going on in his life: there's a new killer on the loose (we'll get to him later), he's aware of Will's apprehension about continuing this line of work, and his wife Phyllis (whom he calls Bella) is acting strange. But Jack's story almost builds him up to be the hero starring in a Greek tragedy — his fatal flaw (cue Tina Fey in Mean Girls: "I'm a pusher, Cady. I push people!") is what is causing all the stress in his life. Pressure to keep solving all these crimes weighs largely on him (even though we don't see it on screen) and Will is the key to his success, delicate mental state de damned! It's what has gotten him this far in his career, but also what pushes people away.
Bella has cancer. And she's known for twelve weeks. But she won't tell Jack as she is currently in the resentment stage of their relationship. Because Jack has too much to worry about to worry about her. Or so she tells Hannibal. After one of the creepier dinner scenes on the show wherein Dr. Lecter actually SMELLS HER CANCER ON HER, Bella becomes a patient of his in order to work through her own feelings about having stage four lung cancer. Which seem to be pretty morbid, but dance so well against Hannibal's own thoughts about human life.
"I have indignity to look forward to, don’t I?" Bella asks Hannibal, which, ha, right? Something tells me that if Bella didn't have cancer, she would've ended up on Hannibal's table in his next iteration of the "foie gras" dish he served the Crawfords at dinner that she wouldn't eat. Too cruel a meal, she says (oh and if she only KNEW), even with the "ethical butcher" Hannibal employs. He doesn't believe in animal cruelty, but no one said anything about cruelty towards humanity, right?
The word "cruel" is brought up again in Bella and Hannibal's therapy session, where Hannibal notes her anger towards her husband. "You seem more betrayed by Jack than your own body," he states. That's because humans have the capacity for cruelty, whereas "cancer isn’t cruel." No, cancer is just "a tiny cell wanders off … it's just trying to do its job," but that job only makes things worse. In a lot of ways, this is exactly what Jack is doing — a liver cell (interesting that it's a liver cell, eh?!), just trying to do his job without realizing he's slowly killing other people in the process.
Cancer continues its thread through the episode in the madness of this week's serial killer, Elliot. Poor Elliot. I mean, sure, he's a total murderperson, but he also has a brain tumor, which is both slowly killing him and also driving him insane. In a move pulled straight out of Dexter, though, he murders only those that he sees are bad — a serial rapist here, a criminal security guard there — through his firehead visions. He sees their madness, and in his madness we see Will. Oh empathy, you really are a form of madness, aren't you?
Seriously, though. Throughout the episode Will's mental stability is called into question. Hannibal wonders if Will's sleepwalking means he's lost control. He wonders aloud if Will is having a hard time dealing with aggressive feelings. Will wonders if he's even awake, if his brain is a trustworthy companion. I wager that Will is starting to have some weird feelings about who Hannibal really is (why else would he be so bold and turn Hannibal's question around on him to ask about his own mother in "Ceuf"?), but he can't tell if the madness is within him or all around him. Probably because Dr. Lecter's personality seems wildly duplicitous — I mean he really does have two sides to him. Madness shared by two! It all comes together, folks.
But madness has many forms, and according to the FBI on the scene, "madness slept here last night." The continued parallels between Will and the killers he captures is a fascinating one. It would be easy to grow tired of it, but so far, showrunner Bryan Fuller has towed the line well. And in Elliot, we see more of Will than ever before: he has a serious case of the flop sweats, indigestion (of the righteous variety, natch), can't sleep. Which is why he makes these bad people into angels! To watch over him while he sleeps: they're his guardians. They pray over him when he sleeps, but his actions also prey on him while he sleeps — yet another parallel to Will and how his own thoughts and feelings about those thoughts prey on his mind when he sleeps. Fuller wants to you see ALL of the parallels guys — are you gettin' 'em?
But Elliot's madness seems to be a byproduct of the brain tumor that's killing him. It's an anomaly in his head, changing the way he thinks (gee golly gosh could that apply to a few people here on this show?). The rest of the FBI crew think Elliot is playing God, but Will knows that's not the case. "This is not who you are," Will states during his empathetic trip into Elliot's mind at the scene of the crime. "This is my gift to you. I allow you to become angels. And now, I lay me down to sleep." He's turning these bad people into something "good," angels, and in turn absolving them of their own madness in order to help the madness of others.
Elliot's ex-wife comes in for questioning and reveals that our troubled murderperson had a near-death experience as a child that he, by all accounts, shouldn't have survived. A fireman on the scene said he must've had a guardian angel on his side. But now, near death, Elliot is frantically searching for his guardian angel to save him from his own brain. He needs an angel to pray for him because he’s afraid of what he sees.
So it seems like maybe there is a God Complex at play here, eh? Despite Elliot's wife's assertions that he wasn't religious (and really, do you have to be to think you're God?). But in her words, two things are realized: 1.) The farm where Elliot grew up is where they will find him strung up like an angel himself, and 2.) Jack realizes his wife has cancer. Either way — rough stuff all around.
Will and Jack head up to the farm and see Elliot's final act: to become an angel himself and have control over his own death rather than a tiny anomaly in his brain controlling him. And it is interesting that at this moment Will finally attempts to assert control over his own life, as well.
"It’s getting harder and harder to look … and you know what looking at this does," Will nervously asserts. But Jack keeps pushing him (he really is a pusher, that one), and not even flat-out declaring "this is bad for me" seems to change Jack's mind. He leaves Will alone in the crime scene.
Which, of course, immediately leads to Will's overactive imagination to go into overdrive. The Angelized Elliot appears by Will's side and says, "I see what you are … inside. I can bring it out of you ... I can give you the majesty of your becoming." "Not all the way out," Will says. It might be there, brewing just below the surface, but that doesn't mean Will is ready to act on it. It's hard enough for will to be strong now, I can only imagine how much more these feelings will bubble, bubble, toil and trouble away while we watch our poor hero struggle through the season. It's a potent potion he's got on the stove there, eh?
Hannibal can tell something is brewing within Will, too — only this creepy motherf**ker can smell it on him. (Seriously, Mads, you're killing me with creepy on this show. I hate slash love it.) But that quick whiff sets off alarm bells for Will once he realizes its happening. He calls him out, but Hannibal asks about headaches, and insinuates they might have a simple remedy: "change the aftershave," Hannibal suggests. His musk...his mask...his own SHELL, perhaps? And it all comes full circle.
OK, I think we're sufficiently awake now. You?
Other Things to Note... - That moment when Will touches the stag statue in Hannibal's office was a wonderful way to show how Will's sleeping mind is actually trying to talk to him about what he sees when he's awake: "my brain is playing tricks on me." So awesome. He's slowly starting to wake up from the trance that Hannibal seems to have him under, though I think we still have a bit of time before that big unveiling.- Anyone else wonder about what's going on in Will's brain after Hannibal used his creepily accurate sense of smell on Will and asking if his headaches have gotten worse? - Beverly quotes The Doors' Jim Morrison and tries to relate him to Elliot by saying "even a drunk with a flare for the dramatic can believe himself to be God." Which: red wine + God complex + (Human) = Hannibal.- Also speaking of Beverly, homegirl either has a crush or is worried for Will. She recognizes he's "a little different" and that "it's a good strategy," but it doesn't work on her. Do we think he'll actually ever open up to her?- Sleeping in a sleeping back to stop sleepwalking is a real thing! Just ask Mike Birbiglia; he's made a career off the fact that he has to do just that because of his severe sleepwalking disorder.- We got a mention of next week's killer, The Chesapeake Ripper. I, for one am SO amped for Eddie Izzard to be on this show. And let me tell you: Fuller and Izzard need to work together way more often.
What did you think of this week's episode of Hannibal? take a stab at it in the comments.
Follow @AliciaLutes on Twitter
More:'Hannibal': Everything Important from Pulled Episode 'Ceuf' 'Hannibal' Recap: Folie À Deux 'Hannibal' Recap: A Broken Pony and The Fungus Among Us
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WARNING: The following posts contains major spoilers for Evil Dead.
Evil Dead fans have been gobbling up every tidbit of information about the 2013 remake of Sam Raimi’s 1981 camp thriller, including the biggest twist on the theme: replacing Bruce Campbell’s Ash as the star of the movie with Jane Levy’s possessed Mia. The shift in focus was an easy peg for celebration on the part of women seeking a more level gender playing field in horror. Mia is giving us a potentially feminist alternative to Ash, but the change could also be a simple refresh button choice on the part of director Fede Alvarez. It’s Mia blood-drenched moments in the final half hour of the film that truly makes the role far more prominent and begs the question, does Mia’s powerful role change things for women in horror?
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The answer is slightly more complicated than a straight “yes.” At the end of the film, Mia is buried by her brother as a means of killing the demon inside of her and when she comes back as herself, she’s eventually the only living member of her group of friends, forced to defeat the demon herself. Mia not only takes Ash’s role as the star, she takes his role as the movie’s central badass, and one who eventually sends the demon back to hell with a blood-covered chainsaw as blood rains from the sky. She’s resourceful, smart, and when she’s backed into a corner, she’s the one with the last minute surprise that saves the day: She rips off her own hand when she’s trapped (also an homage to Ash) instead of being rescued by a miraculously surviving friend with the element of surprise (like the spectacled buddy who saves her brother David earlier in the film). Basically, Mia not only survives: she absolutely pummels evil.
Still, she’s not the shining beacon of feminism, exactly. This last-ditch effort could be categorized somewhat broadly as the classic horror trope of the "final girl." She’s the last one standing, she’s rarely the blonde, and she steps up to defend herself in the face of death. It’s a story we’ve seen again and again, but up until characters Buffy Summers won our hearts on Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, the final girl was generally the mousy brunette whose purity was her main trait. Buffy (as well as characters like Sidney from the Scream movies) was very sexually active, dispelling the notion that the final girl had to be chaste. Like Sarah Michelle Gellar’s heroine before her, Levy’s character takes it a step further.
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Mia, whose trip to the ill-fated cabin where she will spend the worst night of her life was inspired by her recent near fatal overdose of cocaine, is somewhat of a degenerate. She's not a sweet babysitter or a straight-A student or some pure being about to be corrupted, like Cheryl who served as the devil’s vessel in the original The Evil Dead. And with that, she's opening the definition of the final girl even further. It's something horror expert and Women in Horror Month founder Hannah Neurotica (Forman to the non-horror community) says is happening more and more in the genre, "One of the things about the final girl, back then, was that she didn’t do drugs, she didn't have sex, she didn't do anything immoral. Now we're seeing more of a shift that girls aren't actually going to be punished for engaging in those activities."
And that's just it. Generally, the more free-spirited, sexual girls generally go down first or at least earlier in the hierarchy of horror movie slayings, while the good girl is the one who triumphs. To some extent, Evil Dead doesn't abolish that tendency. Take Natalie (Elizabeth Blackmore) in Evil Dead: the ditzy, blonde girlfriend of Mia’s brother David (Shiloh Fernandez) is scoffed at by nurse and know-it-all Olivia (Jessica Lucas) as yet another of David’s many girls. She’s primed for falling prey to the villain (or devil taking possession of anyone he can get his hands on, in this case). She's not a prime candidate to be the final girl and that's still the case. That being said, she's certainly more of a "good girl" than drug-addled Mia, who isn't exactly set up for the final girl slot either.
For Levy's heroine, the places at which she breaks the conventions of the final girl aren't limited to her nasty little habit. Unlike final girls before her, including Jamie Lee Curtis' classic Laurie from the Halloween series, Mia isn't a babysitter with no need for depth or a backstory. She is full of rage, built on the notion that her brother abandoned her when their mother was dying in the hospital. We sort of connect the bridge between her anger over her past and her life-threatening dependence on drugs, and suddenly, she's not just a vessel for the spirits awakened by the book of the dead. She's a full character who comes into the film with her own agenda, acting out motivations and demons of her own. In many ways, she's introducing that side of horror to a mainstream audience thanks to a wave that has been building and continues to build in the genre.
Of course, it must be stated that Mia isn't some heroine gleaming in the face of a misogynistic genre. She’s a member of a growing group — and a sign that the shift that began with final girls like Alien’s Ripley is not so much a trend (which implies that it’s a temporary wave), but a permanent change in the fabric of mainstream horror. "A lot of horror films now are taking the character of the final girl and experimenting with it and taking it in different directions and that is a feminist act regardless of whether or not it was intended because it's allowing women to have more to them and a role in the genre and that alone is progress," says Neurotica.
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It's something that touches all areas of the genre, not just Evil Dead’s slasher category. In television we're seeing characters like The Walking Dead's Michonne and any character Jessica Lange plays on American Horror Story acting as not only formidable presences on screen, but as actual draws for audiences. Entire movie franchises like Underworld and Resident Evil are built on the shoulders of women fighting the forces of horror. Part of that can be attributed to the fact that, well, Kate Beckinsale looks pretty hot fighting vampires. The other factor is that the base of horror fans is diversifying, and fast.
A quick look at TV ratings for horror hits proves that. According to Ad Week, Walking Dead draws more women than supposedly lady-friendly shows like The Real Housewives of Atlanta or New Girl, and Fox's bloody serial killer drama The Following ranks high among women as well. And of course, there's the Resident Evil series, which is a billion dollar franchise and has plenty of female fans of its own. Horror that pleases both sexes by delivering full characters with depth as well as guts on both sides of the gender divide isn’t just a step for leveling the playing field and raising the bar on quality horror, it's a necessary way to make sure a film appeals to the full breadth of horror fans.
Evil Dead's Mia may not be breaking ground, but she's performing the very important task of keeping the progression of strong women in horror moving forward. The more opportunities we have to see a woman so badass she'll rip off her own hand to kill the devil, the better.
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler
[Photo Credit: TriStar Pictures; 20th Century Fox Television]
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It was Beatles night on American Idol, and with such easy-to-love, iconic songs the evening should be easier than predicting whether or not Randy Jackson is going to use “In it to win it” this week. That was true for most of the contestants, who did as Jimmy Iovine predicted and allowed the incomparable quality of the songs to carry them home. For Lazaro Arbos, however, Beatles week worked the opposite way, and just as Jimmy predicted, he didn’t sing his John Lennon and Paul McCartney-written tune well and it was obvious.
Lazaro, who’s been slipping in recent weeks is still at the top of the heap, coming in at number four in last week’s rankings about powerhouses Janelle Arthur, Burnell Taylor, and Amber Holcomb. But with a performance that Randy called his “worst ever” can he hold onto his place in the Top 8 on Thursday night? The answer is murky, but if voters make their choices based on the actual Beatles’ night performances, the sweet young lad may be at the end of his long and winding road through Idol.
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The tough part was that Lazaro knew he’d just hurt his chances and he cried, leaving Ryan Seacrest at a loss for how to handle the situation. It was enough to remind us of sweet little Charlie Askew’s sad moment a few weeks ago, one that we were reminded of when Ryan brought him back on stage at the beginning of the episode to deliver the news that Aubrey Cleland had beat him to the Fan Save sport on the Idols Live tour. It was a tough night for young guys overcoming adversity. And it’s only going to get tougher for Lazaro if he doesn’t step it up, because the rest of the Top 9 were bringing everything they had on Wednesday night, and they were bringing it well.
1. Burnell Taylor: “Let it Be” Despite not knowing the song beforehand (a fate that also miraculous befell both Amber and Lazaro as well), Burnell managed to not only learn the song, but capture its depth in his own special way. “Let it Be” is so iconic it’s almost impossible to perform it without falling prey to the original, but not having great knowledge of the song (however absolutely brain-scrambling that thought might be) may have been the best thing that could have happened. Burnell is joined by a choir of backup singers, but it’s like they’re not even there because the intimacy of his performance is so overwhelming, they’re mere accessories to his communion with the audience.
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2. Janelle Arthur: “I Will” This girl is smart. After failing to impress last week, Janelle closed the show with a very country, but no so country it would make a die-hard Beatles fan cringe, version of the classic song off the iconic Beatles White Album. It was soft and light, but as Nicki pointed out the honesty of the performance is what made it. Janelle suddenly appeared as if she was a professional singer putting on a show at the Grammys (except the Grammys wouldn’t have saddled her with that ridiculous, spinning Lisa Frank heart graphic behind her head). Keith pointed out something very interesting when it came time for his feedback: she’s not a singer who’s hoping to squeeze his or her way into country (see: Paul Jolley), she just is country, she couldn’t help it if she tried.
3. Candice Glover: “Come Together” This girl is great. She owns this song. It’s fun, it shows off her voice, it’s an experience. And while I was just fanning myself in a fit of disbelief that somehow, we’re going to have to start cutting even the good singers soon, Randy made a good point: This song choice was smart because it required just as much of Candice’s range as a ballad, and it proved that she’s got the ability to do uptempo songs instead of just sweeping ballads. It will her help her keep that edge on the other ballad queens in the competition.
4. Kree Harrison: “A Little Help From My Friends” Let me start off by saying that fourth place, in this group, is still an amazing place to be and that Kree was sick this week, so she had to work through some difficulties. But spring cold or not, it’s clear that Kree has gained confidence from her top three placement last week. Her vocals are still incredible, she owns the stage, and she’s resolutely herself in every single thing she does. It’s impossible not to like this woman. (Even if Mariah managed to convince everyone, even Ryan, that she might not actually like Kree. Thank goodness she only held that scowl for a few seconds before revealing her little ruse.)
5. Angie Miller: “Yesterday” Jimmy told her to keep it simple, and she didn’t quite listen, but the upside is that even when Angie goes a little off the rails, she’s still amazing Angie. Her vocals are great, even if the style of the song seems a little all over the place. By the time she gets to the second half of the song however, it almost doesn’t matter that she switches it up so drastically. It feels weird when she goes from rock goddess to breathy singer-songwriter for the last verse, but perhaps that’s because we know the song so well. At the very least, Angie delivered some killer vocals and she attempted to make a well-known song more her own.
6. Amber Holcomb: “She’s Leaving Home” Jimmy says she “murders” the song, and she does, but only vocally. There’s something missing the entire time she’s performing, which is a shame because the song is classic enough that it gives her the chance to finally stop sounding so dated. When we find out she didn’t know the song ahead of time it becomes clear: she doesn’t feel any connection to the song, and while she’s great at selling us salt and calling it sugar with that incredible voice of hers, we knew that something wasn’t right. Unlike Burnell, who managed to forge a connection with “Let It Be” without knowing it (which is admittedly an easier song to connect to), it was obvious that Amber had the talent but not the necessary tether to her material.
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7. Devin Velez: “The Long and Winding Road” I get why Randy loves this performance and why Mariah loved this performance: Devin came back, but he came back with an overwhelming sense of ‘90s R&amp;B. His runs were a little overwrought his “swag” is a little dated, but this is a step up from the last two weeks. I think some credit might be due to the song itself, but Devin knows he needs to bring it now that he’s been in the bottom two. Of course, he still lacks the emotional connectedness of Burnell and most of the ladies, so it may not be enough.
8. Paul Jolley: “Eleanor Rigby” Jimmy says he’s happy to see the way Paul’s developing, but he’s still a Broadway style oversinger. He’s pushing it too hard. None of the judges seemed to find any merit in his performance, despite his “improvements,” but the knife that might have cut the deepest was the fact that Keith told Paul his sound isn’t really country (like his idol Carrie Underwood), but more pop rock. Yikes, right in the heart, Keith.
9. Lazaro Arbos: “My Life” This was horrible to watch. Poor Lazaro has trouble from the start. In practice Jimmy thinks Lazaro’s take on the song is risky and even has to give him a click track to keep him on the rhythm. And just like last week, the song has control of Lazaro rather than the other way around. It’s simply awful. The judges all find ways to compliment the sweet Lazaro, trying desperately not hurt his feelings, but the main gist is that the key he chose did him no favors, that his confidence has somehow been shattered, and that his performance was bad. It’s enough to make Lazaro break down in tears on the stage as Ryan tries to get him to answer questions with the stutter that’s made him such an inspiring contestant and helped him get this far. It’s heartbreaking, but the judges are unfortunately right, even if Ryan tried to later make excuses for Lazaro, the truth is that it’s not Jimmy whispering in his ear or that he didn’t know the song ahead of time: it’s that he’s starting to show that he’s not ready for this level of competition, but the voters love him as a person too much to let him go when he needs to go. I love the kid, but if he thought this helpful critique was too much to bear, there’s no way he could handle the ruthlessness of the actual music industry.
Do you think Lazaro should stay? Or is it better for him to be sent home now before the competition gets even fiercer?
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler
[Photo Credit: Fox (2)]
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I believe it was Hemingway who said, "There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter." And it was pretty much every fan of the televised version of The Walking Dead who said, several times, "I hate Andrea." But after tonight's airing of The Most Dangerous Game: Walking Dead Edition, even the most avid Andrea-haters should be warming up to the beleaguered blondie, or at least hoping that she doesn't die at the hands of the sadistic, misogynistic Governor. And if you're not — well, I know a great therapist who takes insurance. Because watching 40-odd minutes of a large, formidable man literally hunting a small, relatively helpless woman (not because she isn't a sharpshoot — because she didn't have a gun) was Hitchcock-ian terror at its very best.
The show's "Andrea problem" is a tough one. She's a beloved character in the comics, but TV-Andrea has never really found her footing. It's like they just don't know what to do with her — they tried something new with this whole Woodbury thing, but making her sleep with the Governor made everyone like her even less. It's sort of like with Kate from Lost — you know you should like her, because on the outside she's this badass fighter chick, but most of her actions on the show have revolved around what the (often shitty) men around her are doing. Quite literally, her actions on this show have been as follows: 1. Complain about not being able to have a gun. 2. Give up and attempt suicide. 3. Pine for Shane. 4. Sleep with clearly insane man who is trying to kill all of the heroes on this show. Like DARYL.
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That's not to say that I think that Andrea is a hopeless case — Laurie Holden is an undeniably talented actress — and I think that this episode was a step in the right direction. Should she have gone home with the men of Grimes last week, after the "negotiation" went down? Absolutely. But then, the writers wouldn't have been able to give us this fantastic horror movie of an episode, where we find ourselves biting our nails and holding our breath for a character we've always found to be grating. Sneaky.
So, here's how it all went down: For whatever reason, the episode started with a strange little flashback to Andrea's time with Michonne. The ladies shared a meal in the woods with Mich's Walker friends — a "girls' night" as the increasingly likable character called it. Michonne, you silly. And this being a girls' night, it eventually came time for a game of truth or dare. "Truth," said Michonne. So Andrea asked her where her Walker pals had come from — were they some random Joes that attacked her? Or, had she known them? From Michonne's scowl, you could tell the answer was "B." "I'm so sorry," Andrea replied. "Do you want to talk about it?" (This must have been early on in their relationship, because we all learned in like, ten minutes that Michonne doesn't want to talk about anything.) "They deserved what they got," she said. "They weren't human to begin with." Now, I'm not saying that this scene wasn't completely awesome — it was only strange because Michonne wasn't in the rest of the episode, at all. We flashed from the campfire scene — focusing on the Walkers' chains — to the Governor holding the same chains, in the Hostel-esque torture chamber he was building with Princess Scowleypants in mind.
Since we're being all literary here, it was Chekhov who said that, once a gun appears in a story, it has to go off. So when you saw those torture chains, you knew SOME unfortunate bastard would be stuck in s**t's creek by episode's end. Foreshadowing 101, guys. Only this week, Andrea would be the unfortunate victim. But, thankfully, she wouldn't go down without a severe, devastating fight. His friendship with Daryl long forgotten, Martinez was gathering ammo for Woodbury's meeting with Team Grimes — you know, the one where they're going to murder everyone. Andrea saw this go down, and finally — FINALLY — concluded that the Governor did not have peace in mind. The "it's just a show of force" excuse can only work on so many occasions, kind of like lying about a dead relative to get out of midterms. You only have FOUR grandparents, kid!
So Andrea and Milton — who I still kind of hate, for being a giant p-word — decided to stop the Governor from unleashing Hell. Andrea was to run to the prison to warn the others, Milton was to… ask him politely to not go through with it. David Morrissey was absolutely chilling in his resolve when Milton "confronted" him, eerily reinforcing that revenge on the entire Grimes Gang was "all that matters."
Then there was this other truly terrifying sequence that let us know just how fully nutters the Governor is: Milton and Andrea watched from above as he looked over his (many) torture tools, happily whistling under a single lightbulb. Because it's not a torture dungeon if there's more than one light. Andrea took out her pistol and was ready to go, but Milton stopped her. Again, I hate him.
"I knew Philip before he became the Governor," Milton said, when Andrea asked why he still protected his boss. "That man still exists." Ugh. Milton is going die in the finale, right? Right? He made a good point when he said that, if the Governor died, Martinez would take over and the cycle of violence would continue, BUT STILL. Despite his cowardice and stupidity, Andrea gave him a pass, and invited him back to the prison, using the saddest PR pitch I've ever heard (and I get weekly emails from the "My Strange Addiction" team): "You know Merle — he fit in! You'll be fine." Hahahaha. Everything about Merle makes me giggle.
So Andrea took off, and the hunt began. Unfortunately, before she snuck out, Martinez took her guns. Then the Governor approached her and explained that he wanted to keep her safe and separate from "all this," rubbing her shoulder while he did so. It was creeeeepy, and Andrea looked sort of like Skyler White during the last season of Breaking Bad with her hiding-my-disgust-face. The little bird flying the coop then faced a second obstacle: Tyreese and Tyreese's sister, Sasha, who I forgot we're supposed to care about. I really don't. They were guarding the wall, and Andrea tried this half-assed "OMG Walkers! Over there!" diversion to get them to leave, and it totally didn't work. They wanted word from the Governor himself. So then she explained that the Governor is actually a psycho killer, and despite their disbelief, they let her go. Free will, and all. (Sasha is also going to be dead by the finale, right?)
"We stand on that wall to stop Biters, not keep people in," Tyreese argued when he explained their actions to the Governor later on. The Governor is an evil genius and he's still trying to keep Tyreese and Sasha on his side, so he used the "women be crazy" argument, saying that Andrea had spent the whole winter by herself (lies! She was having girls' night with Michonne!) and was now just a poor fractured soul who was also on her period, so.
"Did she say anything?" the Governor casually asked. "Like, panicked?" This should have been your number one red flag here, guys. But no. Everyone in Woodbury is stupid. Including Milton, obviously, who made it SUPER CLEAR to the Governor that he had told Andrea about his nefarious plans. "You should let her go," he said. "She just wants to be with her people." The Governor then slammed him against his locker, stole his lunch money, and made him (and us) s**t our pants with his intensity. Go after Andrea, he would.
Tyreese had an inkling that SOMETHING weird was going on when he learned that people were going after Andrea, but his horrible white friends (who will be dead by the end of the finale, right?) insisted that they had a good thing here, she should help the Governor go after the "that crazy-ass cowboy and the chick with the sword." We got some (unnecessary?) background about why that one white guy (whose name is not worth the Google search) has an obvious beef with Tyreese, and it's because big, handsome Tyreese saved her from some Walkers before that one time she died from Walkers. She had a bit of a crush on him after that, and white guy has been a total dick ever since. I really don't care about this guy's insecurities — I think this scene was put here so we'd cheer when he gets violently killed in the finale. Maybe by Carl. Or Beth. Beth! Can you imagine the humiliation?
Tyreese and Sasha's "This Place is F**ked Up Tour" continued, with their next stop being the large pit of Walkers/Biters that Martinez had assembled to unleash, again, upon the Gang of Grimes. "This is awesome!" white guy said, literally. "They've got women and children!" Tyreese replied. Then white guy and Tyreese got into a fight which led to Tyreese ALMOST pushing his fair-skinned companion into the pit, which would have been awesome. But, not today. That's a finale type of move. "Take him back to town," Martinez scowled. "Let him do some knitting." Making men feel inferior by suggesting they do things that women like: middle school playground tested, adult men approved.
Cut to Andrea on the road, where we learned right away that this would not be an uplifting journey home. Armed with only a very small knife, she got attacked by three Walkers pretty much right away. She killed them all with some degree of ease, but the true enemy was yet to emerge. Fight the dead, fear the living — remember? It was pretty cool that she was deep in the middle of an open field and he just charged at her, guns blazing, in his truck. She snuck into the forest, but he was hot on her tail.
Her next stop was some abandoned warehouse, and he found her in all of ten seconds. Hunting humans is eeee-zzzzy. We always go for the totally obvious hiding spot, and knock a ton of s**t over when we get there. It was dark and scary, and the Governor opened up the door and strolled in with the slow bravado of a man who knows he has the upper hand. Poor Andrea tried to hide, but A it was quiet and every breath she took put her at risk, and B, there were biters in the joint! Not the quietest creatures, that's for sure. Even the Governor's creepy serial killer whistling couldn't hide the sound of brains being smushed. She had been caught.
"Andrea!," he whisper-shouted. "Come back to me. Come back to Woodbury. We need you. That's your home now — your people." To drive that inviting point home, he started smashing things to terrify her. This horrifying cat and mouse game continued, with the Governor brutally killing several Walkers to, again, let us and Andrea know just how violent he tends to be. But then, finally, the mouse managed to trap the cat in a room full of Walkers. Escape at last! Death for the Governor! Anticlimactic end to the season!
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But no. Andrea ran away, and became the first person this season to actually be happy to see Rick Grimes when she spotted him on lookout from beyond the prison fence. She jumped. She screamed! She was elated — she was home. But then, the Governor came out from behind her and covered her mouth. Ohhhhh it was that terrible moment from every horror movie where you just feel for the victim, so so much, because they actually had one beautiful moment of relief before the terror continued. Being a woman, and living through the unfortunate knowledge that your size and physical strength makes you an easy victim, I just felt so much for her. She had no chance with this big, beefy, crazy man on her trail.
It was even worse when the Governor pulled back into Woodbury, and wouldn't even tell Martinez that he'd found Andrea. That's when you knew he had something truly f**ked up in mind for his former paramour. What was that f**ked up thing, you ask? Why of course, the prime seat under the lightbulb in The Governor's chamber of horrors. She wasn't shackled quite yet, but the show ended with a shot of a terrified Andrea bound, gagged, and all alone in Hell. The next couple of episodes are going to be rough.
Oh, and one other thing — someone, in the middle of the night, burned all of the pit-Walkers. Was it Milton? Was it Tyreese? Could it be — gasp — Martinez? No, it probably was not Martinez. The Governor was not too excited to hear about this latest development, but when Tyreese and Sasha confronted him re: how terrible the whole thing was, he again used the "scare tactic" defense. "Why didn't your men just say that?" Tyreese asked. Because they don't share defense tactics with people they don't know, duh! And with that, Tyreese was once again totally cool with the Governor. But one more thing: "Where did you get the gasoline?" The Governor asked. "Come again?" Tyreese replied. Sorry Milton — your number is up. "I hope you find out who did it," Milton said, calmly, on the street. "Already have," Governor replied, with an eery sense of calm. Some men just want to watch the world burn.
So, what did you think of the episode? The best Andrea-centric one we've had yet, no? Does it change your opinion about her, even a little? Sound off in the comments. (And that's why, you always leave a note.)
Follow Shaunna on Twitter @HWShaunna
[PHOTO CREDIT: Gene Page/AMC(2)]
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They obsessively sing the praises of books you mostly skip. They play the "cool" card almost twice as much as their colleagues in other departments, using slang and pop culture references to show how you dudes aren't that different. And sometimes, if they've got that real "it" quality, they inspire you to tattoo your body with 'The Raven' quotations before gouging your eye (and brain!) with an ice pick. We were all thinking it, so I'm just going to come right out and say it: English teachers are the worst.
The Following, you may have heard, is the most violent network show of this midseason. Possibly all-season, and on network or cable. It really wastes no time in living up to its hype. Sure, there are two minutes where you think "oh, this isn't so violent!" as you're treated to a nice story about a prison guard heading home for the night. But that's quickly replaced by the image of the corpses this prison guard has butchered, demanding your traumatized attention. By the first commercial break, that image has been replaced by the aforementioned ice pick move. Basically, there are no safe spaces for your brain to hide.
But what is The Following about, apart from serving as the start of your future art therapy? Joe Carroll (James Purefoy) is a college English professor who, for reasons as-yet-undetermined, decides to start killing coeds in some homage to Edgar Allen Poe. It's been eight years since his last attempted murder, having been thwarted and imprisoned by dogged investigator Ryan Hardy (Kevin Bacon). Since then Hardy has taken to drinking, and largely shut himself off from the world. Can't you see? He NEEDS Carroll. So it's a real good thing for him when Carroll escapes and, through the magic of the Internet, begins assembling a "Following" of fans/crazies to carry out his twisted murder designs. Will Hardy need his former quarry to stop the serial killing epidemic? (Yes.)
Like many high-concept shows to premiere in the last few years, The Following bites off a LOT of material in its first episode. Flashbacks (of which we can expect many more in the coming 13 weeks) flesh out bits of the backstory from 2002 — when Carroll was just a charismatic English teacher married to Claire Matthews (Natalie Zea) — to 2004, when he attempted to murder Sarah Fuller (Maggie Grace). The Edgar Allen Poe connection feels iffy right now, more window dressing than psychologically significant, but the way it's used in the crime scenes is effective enough. "Poe believed nothing was more beautiful than the death of a beautiful woman," we're told. SOUNDS LIKE A SOLID FOUNDATION ON WHICH TO BUILD A SERIAL-KILLING CAREER.
It's Hardy's pursuit of the escaped Carroll that makes this pilot so engaging, but also raises questions for just how long the premise can sustain itself going forward. By episode's end, Hardy has caught his prey. Victory is short-lived, however, as Hardy learns that Carroll's charismatic teaching has spread online and beyond, reaching a whole network of people eager to continue his work. And let's just say it's a real all-star crew: a prison guard who's recently been "practicing" his murder skills on dogs; the babysitter who kidnaps Claire's child. Hell, the sweet gay couple who live(d) next to Maggie Grace are in on the fun, too. For your own safety, you just need to assume that everyone is in "The Following" until proven innocent. (Honestly I don't even know if we can clear Kevin Bacon just yet.) There's something fun in that "it could be anyone!" quality, but at the same time an easy, maybe exhausting insurance policy for the writers. With nearly everyone's guilt called into question, there's no corner that can't be written out of with a quick "surprise! They were in on it!" It will be interesting to see just how the show grows over the course of this season.
Though slightly overdone at times, the English class motif suggests that creator Kevin Williamson has more on his mind than just gouged eyeballs. The final scene of the pilot, in which Hardy and Carroll sit down for their first true back-and-forth, outlines the story's next phase at the same time it comments on itself. Hardy is, according to Carroll, the "flawed protagonist" forced to work with his nemesis to "write the next chapter of the book." Silly? DEFINITELY. But when it yields retorts like "if this book ends with anything other than your death, you better plan on a rewrite," you can't do much but smile.
With any luck next week will give us a stronger sense of what the show looks like from here, taking on more Silence of the Lambs DNA in its central relationship and expanding "The Following" to what look like dudes in Edgar Allen Poe masks. Never seen that before? Well, you weren't taught by the most charismatic English teacher of all time.
But before we go: a moment of silence for the dearly departed (and visually challenged, in her last moments on earth) Maggie Grace, whose hyper-brief stint on The Following makes her 1.2 seasons on LOST look like a Russian novel. Goodbye, Maggie Grace! See you next pilot season!
[PHOTO CREDIT: FOX]
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Bad decisions: sometimes they happen to even the most well-intentioned of people. And they definitely are happening in Miami. It's an interesting day for the law enforcers at Miami Metro Homicide. And it all starts with Hannah McKay. Because, of course it does: Dexter wants to kill her.
He's trailing her, you see, because he's convinced Hannah deserves to die on Dexter's table. Her husband died at 40, you see—from a heart attack. He was otherwise healthy so, Dexter thinks it's suspicious, though the ghost of daddy issues past thinks it's a stretch. Doesn't he have enough s**t to worry about to not worry about this? But that's why he needs to kill, of course. He is feeling out of control and he needs to restore order and balance in his life by killing a bad guy, or in this case, gal.
Back at the police department, LaGuerta warns everyone about the Isaak Sirko case. Because bad things happen, even in strong cases! Foreshadowing much?
Back in his office, Dexter is getting another talking-to from daddio, who's all like, hey Dexter, you're basically stealing a case from Miami Metro on this Hannah McKay front. But she has immunity, remember. Dexter thinks this one is rightfully his, since her immunity means she'll never be charged for any crimes related to Wayne Randall.
Down at prison recess, Isaak makes a friend! He's approached by a Colombian drug cartel member, who tries to threaten Isaak's life, and ruin the Koshkas or something. But since we already learned that Isaak is apparently the terminator, he just says "nah thanks" and twists his wrist, breaking it in half. Drugs wars: jail edition! The best part is the guy used a cell phone to threaten Isaak, which is really sort of hilarious and dumb. 'I have Verizon on this cell phone, so my calls won't get dropped!' Isaak takes the phone, and calls George the Fox Hole manager, instructing him to pay a visit to his favorite, orange-jumpsuit wearing Ukrainian secret-homosexual drug lord!
Fervently on his serial killer trail, Dexter stops by Hannah's house to find her in the backyard with a dead rabbit. Dead from...POISON! dun, dun, dun! Look, it's a bunny murderer! "I do what I have to do," she explains, when talking about her heartless manner for slaying bunnies rather than setting them free. Dexter says, "remind me to never show up on your property uninvited," but Hannah quickly retorts "you already did." He brings her his purposefully-botched blood spatter report win Hannah's trust—saying that he was wrong for accusing her when she "didn't commit the crime." He apologizes, she accepts. Dexter is going to try and get this girl to trust him (and then murder her dead). Whoa, Dexter. What happened to just stalking your prey enough until you can leap and attack and kill and be done? Manipulating her into trusting you by lying, withholding evidence? Getting her to TRUST you with her life (by lying for what you and she both know she really did), just to take that life away? This all feels like a bit more sinister of an approach than normal. But then, the dirt appears and there face-touching. He's obviously attracted to her, which means everything is going to go really smoothly from here on out. They're going to pick out a plant.
The two start talking about life, and Hannah admits she was married before becoming visibly uncomfortable when Dexter asks why and how he died. But then he tries the ole switcheroo on her and says "oh it's totally because I want you to know you can talk to me if you'd like since my wife died, too, so we're both widowers and can wallow while we widow, together" or something. Seems Dexter has a knack for gloom and doom! Hannah offers this orchid he chooses for his apartment as a gift.
Dead husband, dead mentor. Something is indeed afoot at this Circle K. Beverly Grey, Hannah's old mentor in the flower biz (biz!), had no family. So naturally, she left the flower shop to Hannah—or did Hannah murder her for a...flower shop? Uh. Husband had a heart attack, Beverly had heart disease (PSA alert: the leading cause of death in this country, so says dead dad. Now watch your blood pressure.) so Dexter is now 100% convinced that Hannah probably killed these people. But are coincidences the same as evidence? No, not really. So Dexter needs to look for more.
Enter: Sal Price, true crime author who did a book about the Wayne Randall/Hannah McKay story. He heard about the new bodies they dug up last time, and wants to update his book. Which means, he needs to see files and evidence to write (the files that Dexter fudged). So Dexter gets all fanboy on Sal Price to try and get more information on Hannah and get him off the spatter report fudging trail. Also: surprise! Sal wants to date Deb! She's got such a great track record with men, I'm sure this won't end poorly at all.
But wait! Most important tidbit from Sal? He also thinks Hannah McKay is a killer and is writing a book about her! bingo, jackpot, etc! Jonesin' for more information, Dexter presses on. Apparently Hannah lived in a halfway house after juvie and accused a man of sexually assaulting her. He ended up dead from rat poisoning shortly thereafter. Oh snap!
We next see Sal when he tries to ask out Deb in the least-assuring way ever: uh, don't worry, Detective lady, I'm totally not trying to write a story about how your life is totally messed and you were engaged to the Ice Truck Killer! This almost seems like a too-easy set-up for Sal to be secretly doing a book about something else entirely and totally bringing Dexter down, right? I hope not, but you never know. We're pretty well into this season, you guys. And we all know next season is the end of the series. So something has to start being planted now that will bring about the end of Dexter Morgan. Right?
Dirty Money and Dirty Deeds...
Is a quarrel on the horizon on Lover's Lane? But Quinn and Nadia, I mean, we really thought those two crazy kids were going to work it out for the long-haul. He shows her the money that was left in his car by George, she wants him to give it back. "These are dangerous men, what good is money if you're dead?" So he brings it back, which I'm sure means that they'll never ever bother ol' Joey Quinn ever again.
Next up, we have Dexter tracking Sal Price. He needs his info on Hannah, you see. Evidence at any cost. He steals some documents and takes a picture of Beverly Grey's toxicology reports.
Speaking of doing the wrong thing, Angel is having brother/sister bonding time with Jamie! Just kidding, their relationship is actually great. He asks if she's heard from Creepy Louis. Obviously no, DUH! He's dead. But they don't know that. And Jamie's real glad he hasn't contacted her because he paid for hookers, and who would do that, right Angel, wink wink nudge nudge?! For his big news, Angel explains to Jamie that he wants to buy the restaurant they're eating at, because he can retire now! Jamie the ever-so-knowledgeable-one (only not really since man these dudes that she surrounds herself with are crazy), thinks he's quitting, though. Because of Mike Anderson's murder investigation and the way Deb shut him down like that? Maybe.
Now we're back at the world's greatest and most-secure prison, ever, and Isaak (and the guard that mysteriously/conveniently wasn't there for his um, frank talk with Dexter) is chatting up George. Somehow the guard doesn't seem to care about the fact that these two dudes are talking about murdering people inside the jail, getting out of the jail by any means necessary, and hush money...that was given to a detective who has "never turned down a payment before." HELLO! Somebody wake the goddamned guard up. Why is he sleeping on this s**t right now? I don't even care to know how the rest of Isaak's life is going to go down, I just want to know who at Miami Metro hired such incompetent f**ks to handle criminals. Jeez, no wonder all these murderers are getting away with murder.
Quinn the not-so-secret hopeless romantic was supposed to have a fancy dinner date with Nadia, but homegirl got bumped from the evening's festivities after George decided he wanted to eat all the bread instead. So George strong arms Quinn and is all "yo Joey we ~have~ you so like you'll die and Nadia will die if you don't get rid of the evidence that links Isaak to the Colombian's murders!" The money falls back in his lap. Oh Quinny-Quinn-Quinn-Quinn.
Deb and LaGuerta have also taken to discussing the Bay Harbor Butcher case. LaGuerta thinks that the butcher has actually killed some of their missing persons. Why? Well, because of how many missing persons there are that were budding murder cases gone cold when their bad guy disappeared. Are the bad guys victims of the butcher? Deb is nervous because LaGuerta brings up one of Dexter's old kills, Jordan Chase, and the barrel girls (what a great band name!). Deb tries to lead her off the scent by saying how unlikely it would be since Jordan Chase was so "high profile." But maybe he was working with one of those guys' creepy sex-death ring's victims, who was now looking for redemption, LaGuerta says. (LUMEN!) LaGuerta isn't done with this bone yet.
Dexter's reading Price's current Hannah work, and he finds out about aconite—a crazy poison that gives people heart attacks. And it comes from a flower! That Hannah grows! OK, so maybe the coincidences aren't just that.
But before he can get digging in on that data, Hannah shows up at Dexter's apartment with a type of orchid that is better-suited for him: one that looks like blood splatter! Homegirl knows what's up. Apparently Stalker Suzy is doing her own hunting. There's a little bit of a chemistry tango as she brings the flower into his bedroom so that he can look at it when he's awake, and when he goes to bed. Oh these two are going to do a forever-dance of attractive creepiness aren't they?
But before we can see some skin contact, Deb calls to let Dexter in on LaGuerta's findings. And the Dexter-Lumen relationship is unveiled, at last, to Deb. Another piece in the big ole Dexter puzzle. It's a terrifyingly gruesome and f**ked up puzzle, but in a real nice package! Deb is pissed and orders Dexter away. But is she mad because he murdered 5 (or like, 500, ha) people or....ICK (please don't tell me this storyline is coming back) because she's in love with her brother and he loved someone else? Ugh.
Let me tell you, if that storyline comes back, Dexter won't be the only one saying "I really need to kill someone."
Next stop on Dexter's McKay fact-finding mission is the flower shop. Again. But this time it's to talk to the handyman since he previously worked for Beverly Grey. And Mr. Handyman lets Dexter in on an interesting tidbit: Hannah never once complained or showed any emotion while her mentor was dying. And she took care of Beverly all by herself. Hell yeah Hannah took care of her: took care of her...DYING! Dexter makes up a lie to escape to the depths of Hannah's garden and find the plant from which aconite is derived.
Question for the audience, though: how is it that aconite is a so-easily-wikipedia'd thing, literally called "the queen of poisons," but it showing up in a toxicology report is not a red flag for police? Someone really looks into who runs the human resources departments in Miami, man. How do detectives and investigators and government employees in general get jobs—and keep them—when they miss stuff like this?
No time to think about that now because—TWIST!—Hannah has harvested a plant! She is totally after Dexter. Wants to kill him dead. Hannah finds Dexter frolicking amongst the aconite plants and invites him in for a potentially killer cup of coffee (insert rimshot here). She wants to know why he's always finding excuses to talk to her and he says "I want to take you out" with an urgency that is both creepy and semi-seductive (you know, if you're into that whole serial killer thing). They're going on a date ("sure, that'll work." Real smooth, Dexter)! But Hannah says she gets too attached (oh, I somehow doubt that). Dexter doesn't believe it, but Hannah's not who people think she is (a murderer), you guys! She's still just that 15 year-old girl who ran away with Wayne Randall (you know, a murderer)! And even though Hannah might be a murderer, she is definitely also a killer interior decorator. Man those shelves and that wall! Such color! Love that contrast.
Hannah's real problem is that she just loves too much, you guys. She loves people to death. Literally. She loves too deep and will do anything for someone that she loves and doesn't care what else. But she sure does wish she got to see the snow Wayne promised her, so Dexter (who he reminds us all, is not Wayne Randall, har har har) tells Hannah he wants to take her to see the holiday adventure land that has all the snow. He'll pick her up at 8.
There's this part where she says "but if I end up in jail" before Dexter cuts her off though, and that's really just laying it on thick with the foreshadowing of future bad things to come. We get it, words have many meanings; literal and metaphorical and the like! I watch Homeland, too, guys—I know about secrets and double-cross.
Quinn still can't seem to find Nadia, and it's starting to bug him out. Unfortunately he can't sit on that thought too long: Angel's having a midlife crisis and freaking out that his sister thinks he's too impulsive and, oh yeah, he's maybe considering retiring. Needless to say, people are surprised. Deb included. But Angel just wants to be happy! His life is his work, and he wants his life back. So naturally, the very next second, Deb says yes to a date with Sal Price. Because YOLO.
Quinn, on the lookout for #1, has decided to go back to the dark side, presumably out of fear for Nadia's life. And steals the Sirko evidence (without wearing gloves? Touching all up on that box are you for real? Detective?!)—dirty cop is back again! Oh no, Quinn. That's no good.
Oh, look! It's old Deb! She's back. An oral fixation joke right out the gate from Deb and Sal Price's date? Talk of girl boners and not being a cop-tease? Is this an episode of Dexter or is Deb not a Miranda like I thought, but rather a Carrie? Either way, it turns out Sal Price isn't just the name of a slippery salesman who probably would make awful jokes about how similar his name sounds to "sale price" if he owned a pawn shop, but also that of a total neighborhood gossip. He tells Deb all about his Hannah McKay theory, and even just so happens to have evidence on her with him. "If you show it to me, I'll totally make out with you," says Deb. OK, I take it back: Deb is like a middling Samantha, huh?
Dexter's never wrong: famous last words. Sal's blood guy says that the spatter pattern indicates a killer much smaller than Wayne Randall. Ding ding ding! Hey Deb, Dexter's never wrong: you're right! So why is this other dude saying something contrary? Uh oh, spaghettios! Sounds like someone's withholding!
But before we figure out anything in regards to that, it's death date night for Dexter and Hannah. And the two creepy lovebirds head up to the closed-for-the-season Holiday Adventure. Not open? What's a little breaking and entering amongst a couple of serial killers, eh? Besides, Dexter wants to take her somewhere abandoned so he can MURDER HER. Or...hold her hand? Uh oh! Hannah is playing the long game on this one. At least she was...until Dexter plunges his death needle into her neck and she wakes up on his table. And when she comes to? Completely unnerved or unafraid—Hannah just lays there. She knows what he's feeling. Because they're the same!
Which means there's only one thing two very attractive people who are the same can do: do sex stuff!
Finally! At long last we get the hot serial killer make-out and sex scene we've been waiting for. Like a supermarket check-out romance novel made for murderers, Dexter looks like he's about to stab her (with his knife) but instead, ends up just ripping the plastic off her body before putting his mouth on her mouth and then having a sessual interlude. So there it is, the wrong thing. It's been done. But it feels so right, doesn't it? Dexter's in deep (everything sounds like a sexual innuendo!) on this one, you guys. And everybody's doing something wrong.
What did you think of this week's episode of Dexter? Excited to see two serial killing murderpeople make sweet, sweet love? Still convinced this will somehow end well for our Mr. Morgan? Sound off in the comments!
[Photo Credit: Showtime]
Follow Alicia on Twitter @alicialutes
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In the realm of television, girl power is at an all-time high. And not in the way that your middle school notebook promised, with visions of pink sparkles and psychedelic daisies, but in a very real, almost tangible sense.
Female showrunners like New Girl’s Liz Meriweather and The Mindy Project’s Mindy Kaling are few and far between, joined by a cluster of notables like Girls’ Lena Dunham, Don’t Trust the B’s Nanatchka Chan, 2 Broke Girls’ and Whitney’s Whitney Cummings, among others, but the good news is that the number of female showrunners is relatively high… and growing. We’ll soon add The Carrie Diaries' Amy Harris to the lot and 2013-2014 pilots offering up a few opportunities as well.
Now, besides the obvious idea that adding more ladies-in-charge to a televisual landscape that is run almost entirely by men is wonderful because of its steps toward the simple notion of equality in the industry, the shift offers a second, speedier effect: the presence of more and more female television characters who feel like the women we are instead of the women some writers think we should be. Fox’s unofficial ladies’ hour, the strong pairing of hit sitcom New Girl and newbie The Mindy Project, offers the promise of an empowering hour of television in which women are more than vehicles for a romantic plot, but rather, the fascinating subjects of hilarious plotlines that feel less like an opportunity for being adorable and desirable and more like a true comedic spin on what life is really like as a grown-ass woman. However, that’s a promise that’s not always easy to keep. Does Fox’s ladies hour help or hurt the plight of the TV woman?
Last Tuesday, Zooey Deschanel’s doe-eyed darling encountered the age-old lady problem: PMS. And while the episode, titled “Menzies,” attempted to use PMS as a device to help Jess realize her stagnancy post-teacher-layoffs, the plot eventually devolved into a living set-back in the form of menstrual-shtick. While Nick (Jake Johnson) got his zen on, Jess devolved into the premenstrual monster, spending all day in pajamas and taking down every innocent male in her path. At first, this was a hyperbolic outpouring of her frustration with her continual joblessness, but by the time we get our girl into an interview for a night school teaching position, she’s uncontrollably crying at the sight of a puppy in a teacup – and that’s before her potential new boss says the poor pup had passed away.
What was happening on this progressive new show? Wasn’t this where the line between male problems and female problems blurred? (And no, giving Winston sympathy PMS for an episode does not count as “blurring the line.”) Why is Jess, the best laid off school teacher ever and extraordinary weirdo, reduced to a puddle of emotions in the one place most humans can manage to pull themselves together? And why was she reduced to such madness by a picture a seven-year-old girl might slap on the front of her trapper-keeper? Sure, we can argue that what Jess was really feeling was the inadequacy of being unemployed and spending her days watching Family Matters reruns and that the puppy photo was merely the tipping point, but that’s not the point.
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It’s about a relatively realistic TV heroine being taken from her unique spot as a person on television, and not just a woman on television, and placing her back into the TV female grab bag. Unless a series is going full Liz Lemon with a period joke (“Oh no, my period! You’re all fired!” or the far stranger “cold tampons” request), it’s really difficult to handle it in a way that doesn’t devolve into detrimental female stereotypes. It’s basically the female equivalent of being kicked in the family jewels: a cheap laugh born from a simple anatomy lesson. Can we move on now?
But was this period fumble just a one-time thing? Have New Girl and The Mindy Project been letting us down this season? Let’s start with Kaling’s series, which implies in its name that the titular Mindy has some learning to do. And she does: She battles the desire to have a mental breakdown when her ex-boyfriend posts his wife’s sonogram on Facebook, she learns the hard way that creating a fake “desirable” persona on a date isn’t actually going to find her love, she battles the rampant sexism in her office by refusing to “man-up” and prove that she can still love chocolate fountains and Sandy Bullock and be great at her job, and she aims to correct the over-specific phrase that is “girl crush.” No one’s going to think you’re a lesbian if you just say you have a crush on Tina Fey.
So far so good, right? Right. But then we get into murky territory. Kaling’s Dr. Lahiri makes progress towards a life in which she doesn’t totally base her behavior off of her favorite early ‘90s rom-com, but there are a few unflattering female stereotypes she’s not quite ready to get rid of: First, she’s a fan of the vindictive retort. How many times can she return one of Danny’s (Chris Messina) insults with a hurtful comment about his wife leaving him before we cry “b**ch”? And not in the fun, Krysten Rittersort of way.
Second, Mindy is a doctor – as in someone who spent their 20s in school while the rest of us were learning how to manage a Wednesday morning hangover – yet she spends almost all of her time onscreen worrying about men: when she’ll meet one, how to impress one, what to say to one when she finds him, how much longer she has before one can’t get her pregnant anymore, etc.
One would expect that a highly-educated, successful protagonist would have plotlines that didn’t only revolve around her romantic prospects – even her professional rival has all the makings and foundations of the future Ross to her Rachel. This show is in danger of becoming the TV version of that girl at brunch who keeps insisting you talk about boy problems when you’re trying to discuss the last book you read or how to approach your boss about a raise. Yeah, we’ve all got man/boy issues, but let’s make sure we’re more than that too.
Third, Mindy is hyper-aware of her body shape. Yes, most women are excruciatingly cognizant of all the things that are supposedly “wrong” with their bodies. It’s the society that we live in. But Kaling is refreshingly normal in a world of abnormally, and almost universally stick-thin actresses. We could just thank the TV gods that we’ve got a realistic woman in a leading role, but instead, we have to constantly confront it. Danny tells Mindy she needs to lose weight. Even Mindy tells Mindy she needs to lose weight. She flips out when her boyfriend wears her jeans as a joke, because she’s insecure about her body and in theory, we’re supposed to be laughing. But as a PLOS One study discovered, the key to changing our perceptions of “perfect bodies” comes from simply being exposed to varying body types on a regular basis. Not from mocking them. Why ruin that by bringing up the same insecurities about one of those body shapes that we’re aiming to remedy? Why not let Mindy’s “Beyonce Padthai” alter ego lead her to power over stereotypes, and not just over the character she’s totally going to end up as the questionable recipient of unrequited feelings by the season finale?
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New Girl hasn’t done much better. In a season that started with one of the biggest life changes a person can go through – being laid off – we’ve spent most of our time watching Jess learn how to hook up with a sex friend and that allowing Nick to be her emotional fluffer is fine, even it’s “breaking” some arbitrary law of the sexes. It wasn’t until November that the series finally made a storyline out of Jess’ unemployment, and even then that only came after the romantic interest is out of the picture and she only comprehends her predicament because (ack!) her period is driving her to dangerous levels of emotion.
We can put up with the fact that Jess suddenly falls for her friend with benefits, despite his apparent diztiness and his love for Creed (yeah, that Creed), because he’s a pediatrician – she was a school teacher, after all. But the fact that she’s gone six whole episodes without a single reference to her career being in utter shambles, aside from a quip here or there about her temp job of the week, is problematic. Jess likes sexing her FWB, but the Jess we know would not be that complacent about her aimless life for that long. In fact, what woman would be? Yet, that’s exactly what Jess does. Our plucky lady takes detours down sexist lane when she berates Cece for being a “dumb model,” a stereotype Cece’s dumb roommate Nadia certainly doesn’t help to dispel. She stops at Sexy Makeover Point, where she gets a new set of heels and a slinky new wardrobe for an episode or two. She gives up her own name in order to keep sexing the Creed fan (and thankfully eventually takes it back). She spends six episodes doing little more than sexual somersaults, when any normal, functioning human (male or female) that resembles Jess in any way, shape, or form would be panicking over his or her lack of direction.
But do these traits indicate the series’ flaws? Or simply that the characters within them still have some growing to do? Only future episodes can answer that question (as long as they no longer include ladies weeping at images of cute, cuddly creatures), but unfortunately for these ladies, the stakes are high.
It takes a great deal of work to combat the versions of women we’ve come to know on television. We all fall prey to superficial questions about our bodies. We all tumble into phases of our lives in which a man-problem is all we can think about. It’s a condition of being human. As long as Mindy and Jess manage to dive into the wealth of other aspects of their personalities — or in Jess’ case, delve back into them — all will be well. Don’t let us down, ladies.
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler
[Photo Credit: Fox (2)]
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Becoming a vampire isn’t as sexy as it once seemed. Sure, it comes with a heightened sex drive (and Elena’s sudden desire for hot, vampire sex in the woods might suggest), but for Elena, it also comes with one very uncomfortable side effect: vomit. Lots of vomit. And she’s not throwing up a sandwich, or something normal that we could handle. She’s throwing up blood, and she’s throwing up often. It’s all just part of the growing pains of a baby doppelganger vampire, I suppose.
The Vampire Diaries is practically a new show now that its protagonist, Elena, has gone all pointy-toothed. Season 1 through 3 were all about Elena coming to terms with and learning the ways of the supernatural world, to the point that she even started arming herself and learning her to defend herself from blood-sucking tormentors. Now, she’s completed that journey. She picked Stefan and with that, ended her mortal path. With her change to vampire, she’s starting a whole new life, and while she’s “chosen” Stefan, her life, her mentality, her needs are all different. She’s on a new path of learning, and it’s not just about learning to drink blood for sustenance.
That is, however, a big step in her new life, and one that Stefan is certain he knows how to teach. After going on more than one ripper rant a few times in his life, the last thing Stefan wants to do is teach Elena a feeding method that could send her off the deep end and turn off her humanity. He takes her into the woods, where he teaches her to feed on animals, but as Damon told him, it doesn’t work.
Damon insists that as a baby vampire, Elena needs to feed from a human vein and that she needs to learn control rather than avoiding the situation altogether. (And in truth, Damon is actually making a lot of sense. It’s like teaching someone to ride a bike by showing them pictures of one.) Still, Stefan is sure she can subsist on Bambis and Thumpers alone. The problem is, she can’t.
When her heightened sensibilities ramp up her sex drive and she pins Stefan against a tree, all the excitement forces her to throw up the deer blood she just drank, but she hides this fact from Stefan, choosing instead to confide in Damon.
When Elena hears of Pastor Young’s murder suicide with the council, she rushes to question Damon at the Mystic Grill, where he denies having anything to do with it. (And gives the lamest Damon line ever, “Am I wearing my ‘I blew up the council t-shirt?’”) But it seems Elena didn’t really approach him to talk about the council. She has other motives: she wants his help. He tries to get her to drink from one of the Mystic Grill patrons, but she won’t, so he offers another solution: She can drink his blood. Students of vampire lore know that drinking a vampire’s blood is an erotic act, though Damon only tells Elena it’s “personal.” She quickly takes his easy out and drinks from his hand while he leans his head back in a repose that suggests ultimate pleasure. This scene is almost too erotic for network television. (Not that I’m complaining.)
And as selfishly brilliant as Damon’s plan was, it doesn’t work. Elena attends the memorial services for the fallen council members and all it takes is touching the wrist of Pastor Young’s daughter, April, when Elena tries to comfort her to send her into a vomiting fit once more. She throws up blood all over the church bathroom, and her conspicuously light pink dress, and Damon comes to the rescue with a darker, black dress. A signal of her transition, perhaps?
The problem is that while Elena’s dealing with this feeding issue, the council’s antics have drawn out a vampire hunter, who’s yet to get a name, so for now we’ll call him Buffy. Buffy arrives in town ready to take down vamps, and he catches Tyler in no time. During a visit to the Mayor’s house, he shake’s Tyler’s hand with a vervain-soaked glove and then shoots him in the chest with wooden, vervain soaked bullets. Tyler goes to Stefan’s for help and Stefan realizes the bullets have interesting markings when he begins to pull them out of Tyler’s chest. Bonnie later confirms that the markings aren’t magical, which means we’re dealing with a new form of evil.
After failing to capture and kill Tyler, Buffy seeks to ferret out vamps at the memorial, where the whole town is gathering. First, he waits outside of the bathroom while Elena is throwing up blood, but luckily, she and Damon are able to fix the situation before Buffy can get any visual proof. However, Elena still needs to feed, and the human blood bags Damon brings her from hospital aren’t working because the blood is cold and not straight from the source. Elena suggests that she’d rather be dead than dealing with this problem, but Damon brings her back from the brink and they go inside, but not before Stefan learns that she confided in Damon and drank his blood. This all gets to fall to the wayside in the face of the greater threat: Buffy is staking out the church.
And it’s not just any old stakeout. Buffy establishes that unlike the council, he’s not out to help or protect his fellow humans. He stabs April in the stomach and keeps her on the balcony as bait for the vampires on the main floor. He lies in wait with wooden shotgun shells, just waiting for the first vamp to react. This is a huge issue because Elena is losing it. Not only is she a baby vampire with uncontrollable cravings, but she’s yet to really feed. She goes up to the podium to speak for April since no one seems to be able to find her, which is probably the worst thing she could have done, but she’s just too damn compassionate. She’s willing to help others, even if it risks exposing her identity to a vampire hunter.
Next: Do Elena and friends fall prey to the vampire hunter's ploy?Luckily, Stefan is a good baby vampire sitter and walks up to the podium to take her back to her seat, and to onlookers it simply appears that he’s comforting a weeping memorial attendee. Still no visual proof for Buffy. But the blood is starting to drip through the floor and it’s killing all of the vampires, especially Elena. Damon is ready to run up top and rip Buffy’s head off, and Elena’s about to break. Seeing his friends, and specifically Elena, in trouble, Matt takes the opportunity to repay Elena for giving up her mortal life in order for him to live. He offers up his neck to her. While Elena drinks from him, to outsiders it simply looks like she’s crying into her friend’s shoulder. Still no visual proof for Buffy, and Elena finally keeps some blood down.
But Buffy is restless. He wants to kill something. And the vampires are losing their patience and control. Tyler, who’s already been outed as a vampire, takes one for the team. Literally. He takes the podium and tells a story about Pastor Young teaching him the importance of supporting a team (in this case, team Elena’s Friends), and without hesitation, Buffy shoots him right in the chest. While everyone scrambles from the church, Damon tries to take down Buffy, but he gets away, and Elena and Caroline tend to April, who’s not quite dead yet.
Elena is ravenous still and jumps at April, fangs out and ready to feed. Luckily, Caroline is there to help her friend, hold her back, and convince her not to feed on this ailing girl who is her friend. Caroline heals her with her blood and April is still petrified, scared of anyone who isn’t a face she knows. She needs Elena to comfort her, but she’s covered in blood. Elena sucks it up (well, figuratively anyway) and helps her friend by compelling her to forget the violence and instead, remember the memorial as something beautiful, where everyone said nice things about Pastor Young (though most of the town now hates him). With that, she’s accomplished three important steps of new vampiredom: Feed on a human without killing him, resist a pool of blood in the name of friendship, and compel someone. Of course, it’s hard to move forward without hearing Damon’s warning in our heads: he thinks she will break, and she will go on a rampage, because it’s part of the process. While it will be hard to see our Elena go through that growth and pain, it would make for an interesting couple of episodes.
But, for now, Stefan is willing to forgive his naive girlfriend for her mistakes (drinking from Damon) and comfort her by having their entire friend group (minus Damon, who’s talking to Alric’s grave about losing “the girl”) put floating lanterns into the sky in remembrance of all the people they’ve lost over the years. (And that’s a lot of people.)
Still, it’s not all smooth sailing for this new vampire and her friends. Buffy has escaped to his lair, where he’s reading the letter Pastor Young meant for April. It says that while there is evil in Mystic Falls (the vampires), something more evil is coming. Could that mean Buffy? It certainly seems that way, especially considering one the final scenes in which Jeremy (who’s got that supernatural connection after being temporarily dead that one time) sees the “ink” on Buffy’s arm that Matt, with his normal human vision, can’t see.
The only question now is: what other kind of evil is there? We’ve covered witches, vampires, werewolves, and hybrids. What could this vampire hunter possibly be? Are we foraying into demon territory?
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler
[Photo Credit: CW (2)]
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Director James Wan is synonymous with blood-curdling horror, thanks to his work on the first Saw movie. His creepy vision introduced us to the world of Jigsaw, a serial killer so terrifying, audiences can't stop coming back to him. Then, he terrified us even further when he played guide to a story about a young, comatose boy whose family was trying to prevent evil spirits from taking him. Now, he's on the trail of two famous ghost hunters. It's a tale steeped in elements of reality we haven't seen in his other films, yet it's the one that had the potential to scare us the most.
At his New York Comic Con panel for The Conjuring the somewhat true story of famed ghost hunters, Ed and Lorraine Warren, Wan was joined by leads Patrick Wilson (Ed Warren), Ron Livingston, and Lili Taylor (Livingston and Taylor play a haunted husband and wife), and they all proceeded to terrify Con-goers with the never-before seen trailer and a clip that was both hilarious and panic-inducing.
Step one was to express how real these ghosts are to the subjects of the film, the real-life Warrens. Wilson spoke about visiting the couple along with his co-star Vera Farmiga (who plays Lorraine Warren), who keep a room of haunted artifacts they swear are capable of bringing destruction. "We love [ghost stories] and yet we're always trying to debunk it... So it's a tough thing when they believe it so strongly," says Wilson of the Warrens. He adds an anecdote about touching "the Annabell doll" and how both Ed and Lorraine swore it would bring harm, and even cited an incident in which a man touched the doll, and when he was leaving, crashed his motorcycle and died. While it's easy to write all the ghosty nonsense off, all it takes is a small detail like that to give the film enough credibility to do some serious scaring. And between that story and the fervent beliefs of two very real people, Wan may just be onto something.
Plus, it scares him. A lot. And if he's to be believed, that's a sign he's onto something good. Wan says the way he chooses to do films is by picking things that terrify him. "I'm a chicken s**t, that's how I can make these films," he says. "That's kind of like my therapy."
It shows. In the lengthy clip Con-goers saw from the film, it's the simple things that can be most terrifying.
In the full-length scene, we find Taylor's character playing hide and seek with her daughter, a game in which the daughter hints at her location with a simple "clap, clap." But when Taylor follows the clapping to an empty wardrobe (the one we saw the witch-ghost jumping off of in the trailer) as her daughter walks up behind her, confused as to why her mother would be looking in there, it's clear the ghost games have begun. Taylor still hears the claps later that night, and as she follows them, jarring phenomena continue to startle her. All the family photos along the stairs come crashing down as if someone is walking along the wall and thrashing them, one by one. Then, as she wanders through the house, turning lights on as the claps lead her toward the desolate basement, the sense of terror is at an all time high. Then she actually looks down into that basement chasm, and braving the cloudy darkness, reaches for the light switch, breathing a sigh of relief when nothing appeared. That is, until the light bulb shatters and goes out. Alone in the dark, Taylor lights a match, and for a moment, it seems she was imagining it all. Until, in a flash, and right next to her face filled with terror, come two, grimy, ghostly hands. Clap-clap.
To be perfectly honest, I just got scared writing that description. And that's because sometimes, the stories that are the most terrifying are the ones that prey on your simplest, most common fears. We've all gone creeping through our homes, seeking the source of a strange noise, and the longer we go without an answer, the more we imagine the sound is coming from something horrible. In minutes, it can go from a raccoon snooping in the trash, to a burglar, to an ax-murderer, to a blood-thirsty ghost. And in this case, all that ghost did was have a little fun, and yet, that scene is mind-bendingly terrifying.
Wan may be onto something here.
[Photo Credit: WENN]
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler
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Synopsis

A young California girl struggles for survival after being abducted by the leading suspect in a string of rape-murders. When 16-year-old Tina Risico is abducted by Christopher Wilder at a shopping mall, her behavior surprises him. She does not beg or plead for her life--the kind of behavior that is said to trigger murderous impulses. Instead, she hides her fear with submissiveness. Christopher spares her life--at least for the moment.

Having escaped death, Tina is forced to flee with Wilder, who humiliates, dominates and brutalizes her. Always in fear for her life, she consents to his wishes in order to survive. With the FBI staging one of the largest manhunts ever and beginning to close in on them, Wilder orders Tina to do the one thing that may break down her defenses. He demands that she help him lure a new victim into his car.