Breaking News: This Is A Humor Site About Real News.

NewAppWillLetUReadFster

Elite Daily reports that a new app (that you can see demonstrated by clicking here) may allow you to read books at a rate of 500 words per minute. It manipulates the words so that your brain can process them faster.

This reportedly may allow you to read a novel in 90 minutes.

Three Questions That Arise From This Story

1. “So I can read the novelization of Dude, Where’s My Car? in the exact same time as it takes to watch the movie? Sweet!”

2. “Wait a minute… can’t I even save more time by watching the movie in fast forward, and find out where the car is even sooner?” Yes, and you can save even more time by not paying to see these kind of movies which will only encourage Hollywood to make the same movie again and again.

3. “Even at 500 words a minute and watching the video of the English Patient in fast forward, why is it, again, I’m supposed to like the book or movie?” Just be happy you didn’t have to watch El Paciente Inglés with Spanish-to-English subtitles scrolling down the screen faster than an ESPN Deportes score ticker.