Jimmy Kimmel Has Some Hilarious Ground Rules for His Basketball Game Against Ted Cruz

As Jimmy Kimmel’s and Sen. Ted Cruz’s one-on-one basketball challenge is creeping closer to being a reality, Kimmel laid out a few ground rules for the face-off and Cruz had better avoid making any Simpsons references if he hopes to win.

While Kimmel originally said the game would only take place if Cruz wore short shorts from the 1980s—a condition Cruz passed on—the game is still going forward. Kimmel’s proposed ground rules include “no kisses longer than 12 seconds,” “at no point during play will Ted be able to transform into a cloud of bats,” the senator will not be able to get help from “soldiers in his goblin army,” and every time he uses a line from The Simpsons, Cruz loses a point.

If you haven’t been closely following this unfolding drama, it all began when Kimmel said Cruz looked “like a blobfish” when he sat courtside at Game 7 of the Western Conference Finals between the Golden State Warriors and the Republican senator’s local favorites, the Houston Rockets. (“In fairness to me, he looks just like one,” Kimmel said, later.) Cruz took to Twitter to challenge Kimmel in a game of one-on-one with the loser of the game being required to donate $5,000 to a charity of the winner’s choice, which could be a hard pill to swallow considering the opponents’ diametrically different political beliefs.

While Cruz played varsity basketball in high school—while Kimmel played clarinet—the late night talk show host seems confident he can win, claiming: “Ted man walking.”

The Brief Newsletter

Sign up to receive the top stories you need to know right now. View Sample