HG

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

2G Raises a Political Storm- The Telecom RADIAshuns!!!!!

2G Raises a Political Storm- The Telecom RADIAshuns!!!!!Dear Chums,

After a quite break for some weeks which saw unprecedented events unfolding in front of me, it was necessary to present some insider information on the latest scam ..and probably the biggest in the country- the 2G Telecom Scam!!!!

DMK's stoic support of the tainted Telecom minister A Raja just led to a more wholesome belief in the party's acronym (Dont Mess with Karunanidhi!!!!)

The Parliament was stalled for the entire winter session with some minutes of work having been recorded (mostly the time taken to decide to walkout, I guess!!!) The opposition pegs the loss to the exchequer because of the protests to be pittance compared to the scam value.

What a scam it has been!!!! One wholesome epic journey running for years with different parties and ministers and lobbyists and licensees!!!!!

Talking of the lobbyists, Neera Radia has become the toast of the Telecom town nowadays. 3Geers to her!!!!!!

With the opposition unrelenting in its demands for a JPC, with the PM Manmohan Singh unwilling to placate the opposition this time, with Ratan Tata planning to go on a letter-writing spree, with A Raja unwilling to admit to any wrong doing, with Barkha Dutt and Vir Sanghvi still socializing with the political top shots, with Neera Radia raids showing no end- it just resulted in the following disastrous (or humorous) results:-

1.

Mamta Banerjee has given up using cell phones till the guilty will be brought to the books.

2.

All BJP ministers have boycotted the Telecom Services offered on the impure 2G spectrum air. By some strange logic- all of them have subscribed to foreign telecom services via Thuraya - the satellite phone services!!!!

3.

Congress is trying to check if it can get a wisp of any scam in procuring of the Thuraya phones and the source of the payments made to this company!!!

4.

Baba Ramdev has condemned the usage of mobile phones and is planning a grand yagnya which will purify the air which was polluted by the scam. Environmentalists peg the damage caused to the environs by the fumes and smoke emanating from the altar much more than the 2G scam.

5.

Mahesh Bhatt and Mukesh Bhatt announced their next-out-of-the-factory product called Aye Raja!!! starring Emraan Hashmi and a new comer Meera Wadia. Mahesh Bhatt announced that this movie would be a slice of life depcition of the scam and Emraan will essay the role of a politician who stumbles from the path of righteousness and ends up with a biggest scam to rock the country. The female lead will essay the role of a corporate lobbyist who woos the minister and influences him to award incoherent licenses. The movie is to be picturised in some scenic locations across the globe and will have some mind boggling special effects. Already a lot of news is being made about an important scene where Emraan refuses a bribe offered to him by a Telecom company. What a special effect!!!!When asked whether the kissathon will continue with this movie, Emraan mentioned," There are some bold scenes in the movie which are pivotal to the script of the film. They have been shot very aesthetically and are intended to take the movie further and to a new level".

6.

Lalooji has come up with another whopper!!!! He has alleged that his cattle stock have been rendered carcinogenic because of the impurity of the airwaves sold at deflated prices to benefit some involved parties. Indian Medical Association is trying to check the veracity of the claim by examining the cattle and NIMHANS is planning to do the same with their owner.

7.

Ratan Tata has developed a hobby out of writing to Government departments regarding other Tata Group issues in anticipation of opening up another Pandora's box akin to Telecom.

8.

A Raja recently got an award from Air India for making the most round trips between Chennai and Delhi. Since the scam surfaced, Raja has travelled endlessly between Chennai and Delhi for CBI investigations etc. If not airwaves, be it airways then, for Raja!!!!

9.

Raja has put a stay order on Aye Raja movie release. He has asked the courts that he be allowed a privy viewing and based on his consent, the movie should be appropriately edited or censored. The Bhatts have vehemently refuted Raja's claim stating that the movie was an "inspired" work of fiction. Raja has also demanded that the movie be dubbed in Tamil for his viewing.

10.

Neera Radia is amongst that last 4 contestants in the season 4 of Bigg Boss which is being anchored by Abhishek Bachchan and Anil Ambani. What an Idea sirjee!!!! She has also bagged some big deals across the Telecom world.

11.Well, what about the general public and the services offered by the Telecom companies????It continues to be normal as if nothing happened. Anil Ambani bought back huge proportions of his RCOM stocks during the peak of the scam and is now selling them back happily and laughing away to the banks!!!!

As for A Raja, he has been nominated to the World Telecom Forum as India's representative created towards having uniform telecom policies for the next generation of services. How, if you may wonder? That is the Congress way of punishment!!!