You’re ugly and you can’t read

by mathinaz

I had a student last year who had a couple catchphrases all year that he loved to use. The first was “that’s asinine” because it was like saying the a-word without getting in trouble. He had no idea what asinine meant, but would use it any time he even vaguely disagreed with a situation. “Please sit down.” “That’s asinine.” (And then he would sit, because he’s also a good kid.)

His next was “very carefully” whenever he didn’t have a better response. “How do you solve for x?” “Very carefully.” “How old am I?” “Very carefully.”

He and his friend were back in my classroom visiting the other day, and it turns out their new phrase of choice is, “It’s because you’re ugly and you can’t read.” They throw it back and forth at each other for everything, and they get along well enough that you know it’s not meant badly, so it’s HILARIOUS to listen to. “I can’t do this.” “Well, that’s because you’re ugly and you can’t read.” “My new math class is hard.” “It’s because you’re ugly and you can’t read.” “Want to go to McDonald’s next?” “No, because you’re ugly and you can’t read.”

Can you think of a more thorough, all-encompassing insult? No? That’s probably because you’re ugly and you can’t read.