6.18.2016

The Worst Joke I Know

What
follows is just that… the worst joke I know.This is not the kind of “bad joke” that is too extreme or disgusting, or
shocking.It’s not the kind of “bad
joke” that is just so “wrong” that you find yourself laughing despite yourself…
this is just a wholly unfunny attempt at humor.Folks that legitimately laugh at it… I think less of.(Don’t worry… I’ll explain why)Here it is:

An Atheist was seated next
to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, “Do you want to
talk?Flights go quicker if you strike
up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

“The little girl, who had
just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you
like to talk about?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said
the Atheist.“How about why there is no
God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly.

“Okay,” she said.“Those could be interesting topics but let me
ask you a question first.A horse, a
cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass.Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty,
but a horse produces clumps.Why do you
suppose that is?”

The Atheist, visibly surprised
by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no
idea.”To which the little girl replies,
“Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after
death, when you don’t know shit?”

One of the many reasons I
hate this joke has to do with when I see it posted on Facebook… because then
people put up their comments.Usually
it’s comments like, “That’s classic!”, “She really told him!”, “Oh, the wisdom
of children!Ha Ha!”.

That makes me want to come
to these people’s houses, gently knock on their door or window with a baseball
bat and say, “You *do* understand that conversation didn’t actually take place
in reality, right? Because you’re acting like it did.”

Now, I don’t actually hate
this joke because I am Atheist… but it is what made me notice what is so bad
about it in the first place.No, it’s
not even particularly insulting to me… though, I believe it is meant to be insulting to Atheists in the
first place.Anytime you make a joke that
is categorized as a “(Insert group of people here) Joke”… like an Atheist Joke,
a Blonde Joke, a Polish Joke, a Feminist Joke, a Black Joke, a Republican Joke,
whatever… it is a joke that is meant to insult that group; Atheists, Blondes,
the Polish, Feminists, African-Americans, Republicans, etc.When you tell these jokes, it is simply your
portrayal of your perception of that group of people (or even a specific
individual.A Hillary Clinton joke is
meant to insult Hillary Clinton), and doing so in a manner where that group (or
person) is unable to even respond, stand-up, or defend themselves.If they (or someone) do try to stand-up to
it, the default response is, “Hey, it’s just a joke.Lighten up.”(Yes, the one doing the insulting gets to take the high-ground
here.Funny how that works.)

This is not even about being
“Politically Correct”… which is a phrase that is thrown about a LOT, and I don’t
think anyone is even working from a similar definition on it, which makes it
pretty pointless.Frankly, the only
people that are actually trying to be “Politically Correct”… are actual
politicians.When a politician who has
previously spoken out against gay marriage, suddenly turns around and says that
they’re for it… that’s being “Politically Correct”, because they realize that
the majority of Americans agree with THAT stance, so if they want to keep their
job as a politician, they have to now agree with the stance, themselves.We can easily recognize when politicians are
being “Politically Correct”, and I think we’re also hip enough to realize that
when someone like Bernie Sanders says the same thing… he’s actually NOT being
Politically Correct, because he’s been saying that exact shit, and supporting
LGBTQA rights, since the fucking ‘70s.

But the current debate about
being Politically Correct, seems to be mainly complaining about it.The complainers seem to be in 2
extremes.The first is the group that
says they want to be able to say whatever they want about anything.They want to say that Gay Marriage is wrong
and gays should be killed, that all Muslims are terrorists, that Mexicans are
lazy and taking American jobs (how are they taking jobs if they’re lazy?Still haven’t figured that one out.), that
all African-Americans are thugs and criminals, that all rape accusations are
false and are just sluts now feeling regret, or whatever.They say all that, and they’re defense is, “Hey,
it’s my first Amendment Right, you Commie Heathen!”(Sometimes also followed hypocritically with,
“How dare you attack my god-fearing religious beliefs, you evil heathen!”)

*sigh*The First Amendment part about “Freedom of
Speech” simply means the government can’t arrest you for speaking your mind.That’s it.There are no police on the way to tackle you for saying that “Gays
shouldn’t marry”.(If you think there
are… hit yourself.Hard.)But that doesn’t mean there are no
consequences for your actions.Because
it’s our right, to think that you’re an asshole, and treat you, or
boycott you, as such.So, this extreme…
all it really is, is people complaining that they can’t be assholes.

The other extreme, usually
seems to be comedians… or comedic-minded people at least, and they’re
complaining that “you can’t joke about anything anymore”.Which I don’t think is true.I do believe you can joke about
anything.Yes, there are subjects that
are pretty extreme, that finding decent humor in them can be difficult.But it’s not impossible.One of my favorite comedians, Dana Gould,
opens his CD “I Know It’s Wrong” talking about this, saying, “You can joke
about anything, if you do it in the right context.”He then goes on to do “an AIDS joke, a rape
joke, and a joke about 9/11.”Here’s an
embed for you:

Personally, I think that was
all funny… and not particularly shocking.The AIDS joke is not making fun of the person with AIDS, it’s more about
the social awkwardness and embarrassment of a person they’re talking to… it’s
more making fun of oneself.The Rape
Joke is not normalizing sexual assault, or even making fun of a Rape Victim, it’s
more about word-play.The 9/11 joke isn’t
even about that tragedy itself, it’s satirizing certain extreme religious
beliefs.

Now, this brings it back to
the “group joke” idea… because yes, Muslims are a group, and this is making fun
of that group, ultimately.A “group joke”
can be funny… but it does depend on the group.

Any demographic of people
that did not choose to be a part of that demographic… that is much
harder to joke about.Gays did not
choose to be Gay.The Polish, Mexicans,
or whatever did not get a say in whether or not they were born Polish, Mexican,
or whatever.African-Americans did not
choose to be “Black” in this world.Natural
Blondes did not choose to be Blonde… they just are.(I’m not equating being a natural blonde with
being born Black, just showing they share this one commonality.The ridicule for one is much harsher than it
is for the other… and if you can’t figure out which one… hit yourself.Really hard.)Point is:You are then making fun
of them, and insulting them for something that they have absolutely no control
over.

Now, these groups CAN be
made fun of… but it’s really best done by themselves.Gays can joke about being Gay.Blacks can joke about being Black and living
in this world as such.Blondes can make
Blonde jokes, Polish can make Polish jokes, etc.The reason is simple… we should be able to
laugh at ourselves.That’s a healthy
thing to do.Especially for more
marginalized groups, it can be a good thing to find humor in that which
previously hurt you… because then it can’t hurt you anymore.It can be a way to deal with our pain. (One
of several valid ways to deal with it.We do what works for us.) So, the argument of, “Oh, I can make a _____
joke, because I am ______”, is a valid one, to me.Likewise, the complaint of, “How come you can
make a joke about being _____, but I can’t make a joke about you being ____?”
is not valid.No, it’s not being
hypocritical… because you never had to deal with the downsides of being _____.You have nothing to deal with, you never
walked in their shoes, so you can’t decide what is funny for them.

So, if it’s a group that has
no say in being a part of that group… and you are not a part of that group,
either… then joking about it makes you an asshole.It is 100% bullying, nothing more.

But on the other side… the groups
that you do, technically, CHOOSE to be a part of… which includes any and all
religions in the world… those are up for ridicule and critique.The religions (and accompanying religious people)
might argue that they DIDN’T have a choice (an idea I may be revisiting in a
future topic), as they were born into that system… which may be why they don’t
feel like anyone can make fun of THEM.But it is a choice, because ultimately, you can choose to leave it.Gays can’t choose to not be Gay (no matter
what certain religious pamphlets advertise otherwise), Mexicans can’t choose to
have their ancestors not be from Mexico, etc.But any religion, political
affiliation, or belief system is up for not just ridicule, but also honest scrutiny
and critique, from the rest of society.

Being Republican, Democrat,
Libertarian, Independent, or other… all up for being made fun of.Being a Feminist… is up for honest scrutiny,
critique, and ridicule (Key reminder for this… HONEST scrutiny.Wholesale misrepresentation is ticket to
asshole-town.)Occupations of all types,
up for being laughed at… and yes, even Atheism, is completely, 100% open to
scrutiny and ridicule.Even that is not
exempt from humor.

So, again… it’s not because
of Political Correctness or the fact I’m Atheist that I hate the joke
in-question.It’s just a horrible
joke.Take this other, different joke
for example:

A Christian was seated
next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, “Do you
want to talk?Flights go quicker if you
strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

“The little girl, who had
just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you
like to talk about?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said
the Christian.“How about the glory of God,
or Heaven and Hell, or eternal life after death?” as he smiled smugly.

“Okay,” she said.“Those could be interesting topics but let me
ask you a question first.A horse, a
cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass.Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty,
but a horse produces clumps.Why do you
suppose that is?”

The Christian, visibly surprised
by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no
idea.”To which the little girl replies,
“Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after
death, when you don’t know shit?”

Okay, you got me.It’s not that different.It’s the exact same joke… with minor
changes.Notice, however… the joke still
“works” (if you can call what it is “working”… clearly doesn’t mean being
funny), just as well if the subject of ridicule was Atheist.It is, literally, the same joke.

This is a “Universal Joke”.I don’t mean that it’s a joke that can be
appreciated universally, but that it can be made to fit ANY demographic,
really.Consider some of these other “Group
Jokes”:

How
do you get a one-armed Polock out of a tree?

Wave… they’ll wave back.

How
do you get a one-armed Mexican out of a tree?

Wave… they’ll wave back.

How
do you get a one-armed Blonde out of a tree?

Wave… they’ll wave back.

How
do you get a one-armed Feminist out of a tree?

Wave… they’ll wave back.

How
do you get a one-armed Democrat out of a tree?

Wave… they’ll wave back.

(Despite the obscure
implication that the one-armed person is hanging by that one arm from a branch,
and not sitting nicely balanced on that branch… )It doesn’t matter what group you put in
there, it’s the exact same joke.All the
joke really is, is “How do you get a one-armed Idiot out of a tree?”Only “Idiot” is being replaced with whatever “group”
you don’t particularly like.Because you
think that group is just nothing but idiots.

As you can see… “Universal
Jokes” are inherently lazy.About 90% of
“group jokes” are also “universal jokes”.

This “man on the plane”
doesn’t have to be Atheist or Christian.You just change what group he’s in, and a slight adjustment to his
topics of conversation (to make them issue-appropriate for that group), and the
joke has the exact same effect, and the kid is equally sassy.

“A
Democrat was seated next to… How about Government, the plight of the middle
class, or expanding Health care?”

“A
Feminist was seated next to… How about the Patriarchy, the history of Women’s
Rights, or modern Gender Issues?”

“A
Postal Clerk was seated next to… How about the price of stamps, or new shipping
technology, or International Export Regulations?”

See?Doesn’t matter what or who is in there.All it is, is an effort to make some “other group”
look stupid at the hands of an imaginary child.

Even
looking at this joke structurally… so much of it is just bad.A good joke at least has some basis in
reality, because it plays upon those expectations.Now, I always say, “Why analyze something when
you can over-analyze it?”So, let’s
break it down, shall we?

An Atheist was seated next
to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, “Do you want to
talk?Flights go quicker if you strike
up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

Okay, the
fact that this guy just turns to a little girl on an airplane to “talk”, raises
a red flag to me.Most adults don’t even
think to do this.Hell, I’ve been on
planes sitting next to kids I actually know… and have no desire to “strike up a
conversation”.The fact that he actually
thinks he can have an articulate, conversation with a young, unfamiliar child
is more pathetic than it sounds… and in fact, actually sounds a bit
creepy.First impressions: this guy is a
Pedophile.(Pssst… by the way, statistically
speaking, it’s more likely he’s religious.Not saying Atheism doesn’t or can’t have sick assholes, but I don’t ever
recall reading about a perverted child molestation scandal involving a “devout
Atheist”)

“The little girl, who had
just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you
like to talk about?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said
the Atheist.“How about why there is no
God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly.

I’d like
to know what Religious Individual thinks that an Atheist would ever ask ANY of
these questions.What do THEY think that
we actually expect?Every single one of
these is a very short, and dumb, conversation.

If your own answer to “Why is there no God” sounds like, “For
the same reason there’s no polka-dotted platinum elephants in Detroit that
shoot rainbows out of their asses while singing Puccini opera in Chinese… because
it’s not a thing.”… then there’s nothing to explore or learn with that
question.

Is he saying, “Hey let’s examine the evidence that there
is no God”?Because again, no Atheist
would say this.You can’t prove that
something DOESN’T exist.As sure as I am
that there are no polka-dotted platinum elephants in Detroit (or anywhere) that
shoot rainbows out their asses and singing Chinese Puccini opera… granted, I
can’t prove it.Because I haven’t looked
everywhere in Detroit yet… and it’s even possible it could even move around
when I’m looking.But I know it’s pretty
damn unlikely… enough that I’m confidant it’s not a thing.

And… “smiled
smugly”?So, this guy is proud of
himself that he’s bringing up advanced concepts to a child?This speaks less of being an Atheist, and
more just an all-around douchebag… again, a quality not exclusive to Atheism.Is he thinking that he is impressing this
young girl?Why?? This is sounding more
and more like a predator.At what point
does the Flight Attendant show up, and reveals themselves to be Chris
Hanson?“So… Mr. Atheist, do you go on the
message boards of “Young Girls Traveling Alone” as “NoGod6669”?Hey, you’re free to go…”

“Okay,” she said.“Those could be interesting topics but let me
ask you a question first.A horse, a
cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass.Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty,
but a horse produces clumps.Why do you
suppose that is?”

Oh, okay,
complete change of subject.Well, it
probably has to do with their biological systems and the physical activities
they evolved to optimize.I’m no
zoologist, but thinking about it for 5 seconds, that seems relatively clear.

The Atheist, visibly surprised
by the little girl’s intelligence,

Why is he
“visibly surprised”?He’s the one who
brought up advanced theological concepts to her, and he’s “visibly surprised”
by receiving anything remotely articulate in return?Why did he bring it up if he didn’t think she
would comprehend it?What was he
expecting in the first place???“Gee, I
don’t know about any of that with my little lady-brain… I guess you really are
smarter than my daddy.Can I come stay
with you-”AHHH!! Jesus jumped on a pogo
stick!Why do you think a typical
Atheist would do this???What point is
it making to you???

thinks about it and says,
“Hmmm, I have no idea.”

Okay,
apparently, he didn’t think about it for 5 seconds.

To which the little girl
replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life
after death, when you don’t know shit?”

Well, kid, since you brought
it up:Those subjects have absolutely
nothing to do with one another, and a knowledge of zoology is not a
prerequisite for religious or philosophical academic discourse.Clearly, you’re parroting some catch-all
sassy response that you were previously told.While I applaud the effort of dissuading and trying to put off a would-be
pedophile, regardless of what he’s identifying himself as, belief-wise, you
are, however, now stuck next to him for the next few hours on this plane, and
that crack ain’t going to stop him.Call
the attendant!Right now!Switch seats, get the Air Marshall, something!Get away from this guy, before he appears in
another badly thought-out attempt at humor to marginalize and insult from the
believers!

Sorry… where was I?

Anyway…
so that is a horrible joke.And others
like it.It’s important thing to look at
our own humor, and think about WHY we’re laughing at it, and why we want to
tell the jokes we like to tell.It’s not
about “Political Correctness”… it’s just about basic respect.I think that’s the decent middle-ground of
it, too.That’s all “being PC” is, to
me.Not being a complete asshole.

And
while it’s your right to be an asshole, if you really want to be… I’d rather
not.

About Me

Just another blogger. (Such a silly word... "blogger") This is meant to be an Anonymous blog... so you can make your comments as raw as you want, and don't feel pressured to leave your real name. But at least be coherent. I moderate the comments before their posted, and I've only deleted one in the past... it simply said, "You're an idiot." Which I'm fine with. I could care less... if that's your opinion, rock on... But you have to tell me WHY I'm an idiot. Back up what you say... otherwise the freedom of anonymity is simply used so you can be a coward. So nyah, ya boogerhead! :D

I also take requests... If you have a topic suggestion, or wish for me to expand on anything I mentioned in a previous post... or anything, really... drop a comment. Or if you know who I actually am... e-mail me.