Terra Nova/House (FOX) – They should do an episode of “House” where the team tries to figure out why I don’t give a crap about “Terra Nova.”

Hart of Dixie (CW) – When this show was announced, I COULD NOT BELIEVE I hadn’t come up with the idea first. A one-hour drama about an attractive young doctor who is taken out of her element and forced to adapt to new surroundings while finding love with a mysterious local? With a title that is a pun based on the lead character’s name? Starring Rachel Bilson from “The O.C.”? That’s pitch is so Danger Guerrero they might as well have had Boyz II Men sing the theme song. Then I looked through all my TV pitches and realized I DID come up with it, just way further south and with a dude in the lead role. Crisis averted.

Keeping Up with the Kardashians (E!) – The TWO HOUR second part of the Kim Kardashian wedding special. People who watch this show should be rounded up and shot out of a cannon two at a time into some sort of… um, poop… slime… canyon. Admittedly I haven’t thought this one through all the way. Don’t worry, I’ll figure it out once I get to Poop Slime Canyon.

Five (Lifetime) – A breast cancer special featuring five short films, including one directed by Jennifer Aniston. Look, I like Jennifer Aniston. I have defended Jennifer Aniston. I support things that raise awareness about cancer prevention. But when most of the country views you as a sad lady who will always be unlucky in love, the phrase “directing a Lifetime special” ain’t helping.

Join The Discussion

You guys should make an app that pixelates all photos of Nancy Grace like that. Gold, Jerry, gold!

10.10.11 at 4:38 pm

Small Man on Campus

And Monday Night Football. Yeah, I’ll probably be watching MNF.

10.10.11 at 4:41 pm

TheEvilTwin

Tonight is pretty much “DVR Catch-Up” night for me. and by “DVR Catch-Up” I mean “Drinking a Beer full of my own tears at a Dive Bar” night.

10.10.11 at 4:47 pm

Smello

I really enjoyed Hart of Dixie when it was called Northern Exposure. And, I would argue that Janine Turner (circa the early 90s) was at least as adorable as Rachel Bilson.

10.10.11 at 5:14 pm

Patty Boots

Come on, now. You know that DWTS viewers wouldn’t waste ham.

10.10.11 at 5:15 pm

betheballdanny

100% MNF for me. ROAR!

10.10.11 at 5:16 pm

Nerd

Suh is going to break Jay Cutler in half tonight on national television. Must see TV! (just remember the mute button).

10.10.11 at 5:16 pm

Tim Was Tim

“With a title that is a pun based on the lead character’s name?”

I know, right? What are the chances. They were probably all sitting around when somebody said, “Guys, our title’s right in front of our faces. Wait, hear me out. Our lead character’s last name is Hart and she’s down south. Let’s call it, Hart of Dixie.”

“Brilliant!”

10.10.11 at 5:36 pm

Alcoholics Gratuitous

They should do an episode of “House” where the team tries to figure out why I don’t give a crap about “Terra Nova.”

It’s because you’ve watched Terra Nova. Or lupus. Probably lupus.

10.10.11 at 5:41 pm

Alcoholics Gratuitous

In California, we call poop slime canyon “Fresno.” Which I think represents about 80% of the Kardashian audience.

10.10.11 at 6:59 pm

BuzzKillington

Kat Dennings’ boobs are also on tonight. I forget what the show is called and weather or not it is good but on the other hand giant boobs.

10.10.11 at 7:03 pm

Aeyo's Cot

Kristin Cavallari and Elisabetta Canalis are different people! The wonders never cease.

10.10.11 at 7:36 pm

Smegga

I’m going to try and stay awake long enough to see the MNF game, but will probably just Sky Plus it after falling asleep.

Good job today Danger.

10.10.11 at 8:03 pm

Toadvine

@AG As a life-long resident of Fresno I can say that you’re right about our general public’s love of trash reality television. Surprisingly, there is much less poop slime then you might expect.

10.10.11 at 8:48 pm

King Dong Bundy

“Dancing with the Stars (ABC) – Now that Kristin Cavallari and Elisabetta Canalis have been voted off, I assume viewers of this show will go back to their usual Monday night plans of hiding in the bushes outside fitness centers and throwing ham at yoga instructors.”