There’s a war going on that you may not even know about. We hear a lot about world events like missing Malaysian Airlines Flight 370, Syria and the Middle East. But one thing we don’t hear about is the overspraying epidemic that has afflicted over 75% of guys.

The first step is acceptance — realizing that you have an overspraying problem and then taking the necessary steps to move forward.

Mayo, Captain of the Patriots defense, is here to call out your defensive spray audible.

“There’s some rules you have to abide by. First off, it starts with a shower. You have to take a shower with your Old Spice gel. That helps gets the pores open so you can put on the Old Spice Refresh Body Spray. But the thing about Refresh is that you don’t need too much of it.”

“I like to go by the two spray rule. You hold it for one second down your side. Then you hold it for one second down your back and then you are good to go. Then it’s over. You’re good for the day. You don’t need a booster spray throughout the day. Old Spice has been doing this for over 75 years so they know what they’re doing.”

When he isn’t spending his time helping the youth tackle odor, Mayo can be found grooming his beard. Old Spice Refresh Body Spray will not only make you a better man, but a better overall groomsman.

“I shaved it down not too long ago and my face felt cold. It’s not a good feeling, especially when you wear a facemask,” said Mayo about the last time he clipped his face strap. “I’m about to just start wearing a ski mask, smelling like Old Spice. They’ll know it’s me then. It’s Jerod Mayo wearing a ski mask, smelling like Old Spice Refresh Body Spray.”

Does a mean face wig aid him when he’s blasting opposing running backs or fullbacks when they try to power through a gap?

“Ha, we call it getting “blammed,” said Mayo, as he laughed and discussed getting blasted by an opposing player. “If I get blammed on a play, I want to go back in, find the player and try again. I guess that’s what makes us football players. We’re not gonna get blammed and that’s the end of it, nah. You go back and you try it again until you get them.”

Does the way he smells thanks to Old Spice have anything to do with the way the Patriots defense is able to plug in cast-off players other teams have given up on and make them key components?

“The coaches do an excellent job of getting everyone in the right place to make plays. Guys from other teams come over they enjoy it, we work hard but at the end of the day it’s all about wins and losses.”

“It’s all about mental toughness. No matter what the outside world is saying, it’s all about going to work every day and chipping at the rock. We’re not going to win a championship today, but you can work towards winning the championship each and every day. And that accumulation of hard work equals wins. And that’s the mindset here.”

And that’s Old Spice’s mindset as well. If you keep chipping away at your pathetic spray attempts with non-Old Spice products, someday, you can be a scent world champion, perhaps even with the help of Old Spice’s Champion Scent.

“Scent can be a strong personal motivator for a lot of guys in 2014. It can lead to a lot of good things. If you overspray before you go into a job interview, you are not going to get that job. Old Spice Refresh Body Spray is an aphrodisiac for jobs. Spray it up, but not too much.”

Ever since I saw the first Old Spice “Mom Song” video, I have been praying to my non-denominational Spray God every night, asking (begging) that one of the smell technicians at Old Spice reach out to me for a product review of their new Re-Fresh Body Spray. In the meantime, I used an old bottle of Fiji shower gel to feel like I was part of the movement, to show I was “down,” i.e. the way gang members have to “do dirt” to be accepted into a particular gang or sect. And it paid off.

Old Spice reached out, but just like in gang life, they wanted something from me. Even though I killed that drifter (needlessly, as it turned out) to peg my “real-a-meter” into the red, what they really needed from me was to recruit more members who cover their members in body spray. After all, 67% of guys who use body spray aren’t using it correctly.

I blame AXE for the cavalier spray techniques that have been developed, because after those ads, you thought the only way to apply body spray was via Spray Cloud. I seriously didn’t think “too much” existed in the body spray vernacular.

If AXE isn’t to blame, perhaps it is the lesser known GED equivalent, Bod and the famous song/tagline conveyed via sex drenched female voice, “Hot bod/I want your bod.” And who could forget that dude’s ripped abdominals? Here, check ’em out:

Oh my Bod, that’s terrible.

Whoever you want to blame, it doesn’t change the fact that an Overspraying Epidemic exists thanks to the lack of proper training regarding spray techniques and men’s body sprays.

FACT: 68% of young guys reveal that no one has taught them how to spray properly.

FACT: 55% of young guys apply body spray to their clothes.

FACT: 53% of moms admit their son wasn’t properly taught how to apply body spray.

We truly are the products of our Spray Environments, and the kind of men we “spray into” is either because of or in-spite of the products we are exposed to by our moms, and more hopefully, other man’s moms.

So what is Old Spice doing about this? Re-introducing you to your manhood for the first time, like that crush you had on your cousin at the family reunion in the early ’90s. Except this time, there will be no guilt or unwanted pregnancy, and you will be doing it correctly. (Rachel, if you’re reading this, I miss you.)

Old Spice Re-Fresh Body Spray features “Re-fresh Technology” where scents refresh throughout the day, automatically.

Re-Fresh features a patented cyclic molecule with an empty core that absorbs fragrance as the body spray dries on the skin. “Observe that, Newton.”

“Swagger” could easily have been renamed “New School Pimp” scent. It was fresh and young, yet esteemed and established. It was highly educated, but you can tell via a knowing glance that it always keeps its pimp hand frosty, with a subtle yet fully viewable “Make your move, sir” glean in its eye.