Jackson Rathbone- he does highschool boy well..

Posted by unintendedchoice on June 24th, 2011

Dear Jackson,

It’s been awhile since we’ve had a chat (approximately one year on Sunday, actually) and I miss hearing your southern drawl. In fact, now that I think about it- I haven’t really heard that drawl in an entire year- the last time I saw you on screen in Eclipse (well, except for the one other time I saw Eclipse in July and then when the DVD first came out (yes I’ve only seen it 3 times.. Shhh))

Anyway, I’m so used to poking fun of whatever you have going on- namely your catfish look & 100 Monkeys. So imagine my surprise when I hear you have a new web series (airing on Facebook? Really? We’re there now?) & I watched the trailer and… well, it doesn’t look that bad

I’m into the action/crime show thing. Maybe this is a little too ‘shoot-em-up-machine-gun-style’ for me (I tend to like my violence more with serial killer types. Or Vampires), but it’s got the young, high school “I really want to impress this girl” thing going on that is pretty intriguing. Plus you look so cute as a high school boy! Your dorkiness is so charming. I want to give you a towel when you get dunked in the toilet & scream at the bullies that you could kick their asses!

Watching you play a teenage boy again gave me a flash back to when I FIRST saw you on The OC… and that quickly turned into a timeline of your career in my mind- and mostly, a timeline of your hair. So without further ado:

You were born in Singapore to parents who were most likely Missionaries because once after a super duper sleuth & successful online stalking venture*, Moon found out your parents knew Kellan’s parents & then found out the name of Kellan’s home church & we put two and two (plus some political contributions we found from one of your families) together and figured out we’re pretty sure Kellan’s home church supported your family when they were in the mission field.

Your given first name is actually Monroe (FUN NEW FACT I JUST LEARNED) and you are approximately 1.5 years younger than me.

You first rose to fame (although it’s like your 5th IMDB entry) through 2 episodes as a ‘throw-away’ character on The OC. But you weren’t throw-away to me. I was that obsessed with The OC that I actually remembered your role when it was announced you would be Jasper Hale!

And dannggg you play a cute teenage boy (I think you were a teenage boy here!)

At one point you looked like a Dirty—- [TIME OUT for a full confession to say that I was going to say you looked like a “Dirty Sanchez” which is what I think of when I see that picture. But it didn’t sound quite right so I decided to look it up & WHOA- that’s not what I meant. So I thought maybe I meant “Dirty Sancho?” But turns out WHOA I definitely didn’t mean that. So basically what I’m trying to say is: You look like a really nice guy who probably drives a motorcycle & has a GED, is respectful to woman and maybe just maybe has some relatives in Mexico??? I’m just trying to be PC here….. you know how good I am at that**]

Then one day you landed the role of Jasper Hale- newly minted vegetarian vampire- and strutted your stuff into the mobile home make-up trailer that doubled as Catherine Hardi’s “Home away from home” where she slept every night during filming ready to put on your blonde wig- since you read that Jasper Hale was blonde. But instead they gave you a perm & dumped a bunch of powder on your hair:

Shortly thereafter, I see THE MAN in the flesh for the first time (and am also scarred for forever by my first and only experience with The 100 Monkeys) You’re sweaty but danggg you’re cute:

Then you freak the sh*t out of all of us by looking prettier than any girl I know as Amanda Jackson on an episode of Criminal Minds:

I’m still not convinced that this is a secret female twin of yours that your parents keep locked in the basement, with a Bible.

And just when we thought Jasper’s look couldn’t get any worse than the baby powder & perm, you got a wig (I think? I hope!!?). And it WAS worse:

Which FORCED me to ask you if we were going to see Jasper in a “Red Mullet” wig in Eclipse

(I can’t do it. I can’t watch myself in this again to find out where exactly I ask you that. However, I did just decide I miss that dress. I’m pretty sure it’s in my sister’s closet. I think it’s because I borrowed it from her, but still. I’d like it back)

THANKFULLY, we didn’t have a red mullet (although I DO see tinges of Red. I’ll take credit for that (despite the fact it was done filming long before I thought of it) although this look is a little “drowned rat” for my liking….I know, I know. I’m hard to please:

And now we’re back to present day & your role in Aim High. And, surprisingly, I have little complaints. I mean zero. You’re back to playing that cute high-school boy a la The OC & it WORKS!

You do dorky, high school boy well!

We’ve been through so much together. I’ve said some mean honest things about the way you look & your terrible, horrible band- but I’m glad we’re in this place one year after you first got to see me make these horrible faces in person:

Click for ultimate "WTF were you thinking, UC" moments

Maybe I’ll see you on Facebook!,

UnintendedChoice

*We’re about 57% serious about all of this. 100% serious about the fact that we online stalked that hard.
**I LOVE Mexico. I am still Facebook friends with approximately 5 friends I made in Mexico when I was 16 and went there on a missions trip. Yep- I did missions work- Kellan & Jackson– we can swap stories!

I also love that his friends won’t allow hire him, even though he only wishes to be paid in beer.

Anonymous

I 2nd the drowned rat hair.

chochang

in the first parts of that Moviefone vid, UC’s like.. lalala let me just hang around here and stare at Jackson’s beauty.. *laughs* when do i go up? *smiles* *freaks a bit* somebody take me! i don’t wanna do this!.. and then oh haiii jackson. move over interviewer guy! 😛

lol. just kidding. we love you UC!

Anonymous

I was thinking the same thing. And when he was talking about his band, UC is all smiles, but in her head she is thinking, ‘you suck’ smile.

I listened to them for like an hour one time when I was in a weird mood and nothing bad happened.

TeamSeth

hehehe this made me laugh

DANA

“yes, it’s time”

Anonymous

Oh man UC, you made my morning. Most everyone is critical of themselves but I think you did awesome in the interview. I know in the end you ran off the stage, but I would have been much worse. I probably would have had a really stupid joker smile on my face the whole time, with rosy clown cheeks to match.

I hadn’t seen the still from New Moon yet of Jasper ready to eat Bella. Emmett’s expression cracks me up. I don’t have a lot of time for TV, but I think Imma make time for Aim High.

Why were there never hot guys like that in high school? Because Hollywood’s high school guys are always in their 20s. Honestly, I can’t remember much of high school. I spent most of my time with my hot future husband, three years my senior. Lucky for me, he is still hot.

The_OldOne

I learned he auditioned for the role of Edward. What if he had gotten the part? I know my world would be completely different, but other than that, what would Cathy have done with his hair? Too scary to think about so early this morning.

Anonymous

Speaking of Edward – I finally watched Red Riding Hood with the family. I don’t see how they can compare RRH to Twilight. From the previews I could see, but the story line, of the movie anyway, was weak. When it was over the first thing out of my mouth was, “well that sucked”. Everyone pretty much disagreed. The mystery part of the story was good, but the trio relationship lacked depth. Maybe if I didn’t have the Twilight comparison in my head already I would have enjoyed it more. I am sssoooo glad Cathy chose Robert over Shiloh.

Anonymous

Wow! I just discovered Shiloh is remored to played Jared in The Host. Did anyone else know this? He better age a little before the filming, or bulk up.

chochang

that reminds me.. if Jackson auditioned for Edward, then did he and KStew also kiss on that magical bed of Cathy Hardi’s? *shudder*

Stacey

Really?!? Wait… that’s what people imagine when reading Bella/Jasper fanfiction…

I wonder if that tape is sitting next to the Rob/Kristen tape under Cath’s bed. Then she drags it out when reading Son of a Preacher Man. You know visuals.

Anonymous

Is it bad of me to hate Cathy because she has access to so many awesome visuals? Visuals that would enhance the pleasure of reading for so many fanfics? Visuals that we will never, ever, see? Although I read she was auctioning off The Bed for charity. Maybe she’ll auction off the tape archives. Imagine the money she could get.

DANA

Maybe the multi millionaire’s daughter posts here? If so, she should consider hosting a gathering for us all. How much would she have to pay Rob to play for us? And Tinsel? We know the 100 Monkeys would do it for peanuts…

TeamSeth

Um, we’ve all seen Rob and Kristen make out on a bed while being filmed. More than once actually. I’m pretty certain what happened on Coug’s bed was no better than the kissing scene in Twilight.

TeamSeth

Somehow that thought just occurred to me even though we talk about the imaginary cougwicke magical bed video all the time. Sorry it came out totally bitchy sounding, I was just having an epiphany moment and was like “Why are we so amused by this when we’ve seen them make out already?” No bitchiness intended 🙂

The_OldOne

I understand your thinking, of course, we’ve seen it many times. But it was the FIRST time, it was the beginning of the MAGIC! And, apparently, Rob was so excited he fell off the bed…

Anonymous

TS is right, we’ve seen it all before, no bitchiness involved. What I wouldn’t give to see a gif of Rob falling of the bed, though!

TeamSeth

Wait? So on his first time the kid fell off the bed and you guys all still want to bang him? (looks around)

Anonymous

Uh, hell yeah!!! That’s ADORKABLE at it’s finest!

(and probably had something to do with that half of Valium)

stitchcat

Ms Snow I think you already know I’m convinced Jax is a *cough* bit of a manwhore, so it wouldn’t surprise me at all if he “auditioned” with *both* of them . . .

Cp-316

you totally forgot Jackson as pretty, rich boy Nicky Fiske in the short-lived but *inspiring* TV series, Beautiful People. I am not ashamed to admit that I own the one season that aired on DVD. no, really, I do. oh yea. That’s Normal.

JellyBeanRainbow

That’s where I noticed him first and watched the show just because of him, it was early afternoon line up of older or crappy shows with the sole purpose of filling the air.
Approximately a year later I saw him in Twilight. Bam. Instant love.

OMG, UC. I shall forever more “hear” your posting in that accent. You, so could have said, “Oh My God Buffy, did you see that rad mullet”* *I assume you would mean “red”! I’d go get that dress back too, tell your sister you’re just “storing” it for her as her closet is so full! <3

Stacey

That picture of Monroe… I mean Jackson (I will now forever call him Monroe in my head) in Aim High makes me want to watch it and perhaps move him from little brother I always wanted to have into celebrity crush status. Poor Elijah Woods, now all alone as my pretend little brother.

First off, UC – you did a GREAT job asking Jackson those questions! If it was me, I would’ve been so nervous about just speaking in front of all those people and a camera that I’d have probably been shaking (and I’m a “grown married woman” with 2 boys – nothing freaks me out anymore. Nothing. Except public speaking). Seriously – kudos to you!

And Jackson is so much cuter in real life than in the Twilight series as Jasper. I think it’s the pasty-yellow colored hair and the contacts – ugh. I think Carlisle’s character is the only one who looks decent with the yellow contacts, yellow hair and brown eyebrows.

Anonymous

Why is it that Jackson, Kellan, PFach, and even sometimes Rob, actually are more handsome in other movies and real life than they are as superhumanly beautiful vampires? How could the hair and makeup people take gold and turn it into lead? This is the eternal mystery of Twilight: The Saga!

Oh the makeup. The very strange Twilight makeup. I got an A in my college course, “Stage Makeup.” (Theatre (design) Major here) My final project was vampire makeup, complete with oozing puncture wounds. I aced it! Summit, call me. I can make them stay pretty, not Kabuki.

purplescool

Maybe they should’ve hired you instead – then they wouldn’t all look so awkward and weird! But then again, it wouldn’t be the Twilight movies if they didn’t!

purplescool

I don’t get it either. PFach is the only one who can pull it off. Even Nikki Reed, who seems pretty in real life, looks awful as Rosalie with those dark, caterpillar eyebrows and horrible platinum hair. And she’s supposed to be the “embodiment of beauty”…um, no.

TeamSeth

I really think if they chose to not cast a blond to play her, they should’ve pulled a Nina Dobrev vs. book Elena and just let her go natural. Because you’re right, she is pretty in RL.

TeamSeth

I really think if they chose to not cast a blond to play her, they should’ve pulled a Nina Dobrev vs. book Elena and just let her go natural. Because you’re right, she is pretty in RL.

ladyofthemeadow

UC! You handled yourself very professionally!! I’d be a wreck, and I’m a
grownup professional woman with 2 kids with lots of public speaking experience! Jackson was quite charming, that must have helped keep you calm.

I like a man who works hard and plays hard, and those were the cute ones I
pursued in high school. Jackson got a few rep points from me today. No flies on him.

I personally like the facial expression that goes with the drowned-rat hair.
The drowned rat hair look is waaaay better than the Dirty or the Twilight Soccer
Mom ‘do.

natteringyeahrobber

No way I could have been as cool as UC up there. I would probably get within 3 feet of him and lose all words. I’d just stand there with a ridiculous, deranged smile on my face. I’d have to have security haul my ass away so someone with actual questions could approach the stage. You all would be so 2nd hand embarrassed and then I’d have to pretend I didn’t know me the next day when Moon and UC break down the “Catatonic Cougar” fan interview.

Anonymous

I like the Dirty Sanchez Jackson…ew ew I mean, the scruffy cute guy one. You know you always assume actors are all suave and cool IRL but srsly he is the biggest nerd on Twitter, it’s pretty adorable.

Wasn’t Monroe the name of the janitor guy on that show with Valerie Bertanelli?

Anonymous

It’s funny, no one wants to comment on the beautiful Amanda Jackson photo. I think we all want to put that out of our mind.

Actually, I think he looks a little like UC there. Did he tell hair and makeup, “I wanna look like that girl who interviewed me last June? She was hot.”

TeamSeth

Oh my gosh. I forgot how awful Jackson looks in Twilight movies.

Anonymous

Monsper’s dramatically different wig in each movie….without really being better…(although I think I am in the minority by preferring the Eclipse easy care mom bob. It is basically the same hair cut as I have, but I’m all about side volume, not top)….why! I don’t recall a lot of Jasper in Breaking Dawn, but I’m sure we’ll catch a glimpse, and a red mullet would not surprise me.

Anonymous

That’s some impressive internet stalking, girls. Now bad-boy ex-MK Jackson/Monroe takes his place in my brain next to nice-boy-from-youth-group-trying-to-be-cool Kellan in my head.
When Jackson picked his stage name did he say, “Ok, I’ll go with a different name, but it has to still be the name of an early US president?”

Anonymous

So I went over to Wikipedia to check on the name (NORMAL), and was somewhat disappointed to find that Jackson is his actual middle name. However, I enjoy that he’s actually “the fifth” in a series of M.J.R.s.
Also, the Rathbones could have been doing mission work, but Wikipedia says that they’ve lived around the world because his dad works for Mobil Oil… and that M.J.R II chaired what’s become Exxon. So maybe it’s less ex-MK and more old money. Which is way less fun in my head.

TeamSeth

Huh. That is less fun. More Texan, but less fun. With a name like Monroe the Fifth, it’s like they’re the line of the throne of Texas, you know, once they secede as a state from the Union (are we still called the Union?)

ps-can we call him Monsper now?

Anonymous

UC! I also did Mexico missions in high school!! Did you sleep in Tent City too? Ah, the good ol days, sleeping in a sea of tents with rain pouring down and then making a huge mud city. Good times, good times.