Facebook Testing Disappearing Statuses

Welcome to the latest installation of Status Update, a roundup of the last two weeks in tech and social media, AKA the filtered lens through which we see the entire world and relate to one another.

It's time to back up your life onto hard copy, folks. Yet another platform is jumping on the disappearing train. Until our parents completely take over our timelines with well-meaning memes, we're clinging onto Facebook for just a few more years, since it cements our innermost thoughts and special moments through albums and statuses that will either haunt or delight us in years to come. But a new update means that might no longer be the case. BuzzFeed reports that Facebook has been testing disappearing text-only statuses this week worldwide. Given that temporary statuses must be under 101 characters, it's safe to say this is what happens when Twitter and Snapchat have a baby. Twitchat? Snapper?

This update harkens back to the good ol' days when timelines were video-free, easy on the eyes, and so innocently full of statuses that don't make sense like "Marissa is: This class is so boring!!!!" While you do have the option to keep these new statuses on your wall — er, timeline — for ~all of eternity~, their disappearing nature does raise questions about what Facebook plans to do about increased cases of Invincible Behind The Screen Syndrome (read: cyberbullying and hate speech).

Being a kid on the internet is tough stuff. Truly. We, the youth, are constantly being criticized for leaching off our parents' Netflix accounts. In your defence, the account is already there. Why not parasite in peace? That's the methodology behind Amazon's newest shopping feature. A company spokesperson tells Teen Vogue that anyone from the ages of 13 to 17 can shop within a parent's account, taking advantage of all Prime benefits (free two-day shipping FTW). If you're pitching the idea to mom and dad tonight, just tell them it's a great way for you to seamlessly have them approve your textbook purchases. And maybe a new iPhone case because you've been so good lately. And maybe a new hat. I don't know. It's cold out there.

When you're hangry, or just existing in the world, the last thing you need is a frustrating interaction with customer service. Through partnerships with Panera, Chipotle, Five Guys, and more, Facebook is now allowing you to order food for pick-up or delivery straight from the app, a spokesperson tells Teen Vogue. From the Explore menu, head to the Order Food section. Then, pick your poison (or, poisson in French for the less morbid), and hit Start Order. Log in to an existing food delivery account like Delivery.com, or sign up within the app. After all, Facebook has become the default place to do some menu sleuthing before you make a purchase. Never leave the app. Ever. Brush your teeth in it. Go to bed in it. Ask it to drive you to school.

Speaking of being a bottomless pit of hunger at all hours of the day, food, for many of us, comes with a host of anxieties. A feature on Google Maps showed how many cupcakes you would burn during your walk — until users were quick to point out its triggering nature. Time reports they've scrapped it early this week. Sometimes, we just want to get from point A to point B in one piece without being reminded of how many calories we're burning. Like, what if, on your walk to eat a cupcake, you burn the amount of calories in a cupcake? Does the app explode? Let us know next time there's an app that shows, in great detail, how much of a carbon footprint we're leaving when we choose driving over walking.