Different biscuit, same tin

Exploring the pregnancy id

I was just ‘chatting’ to a few of the lasses on the birth forum I joined about dreams and how vivid and scary they are at the moment. I tried to explain that my dreams have always been like that and turned to this blog for an example – which is when I became sidetracked.

You see this post was written on the 19th November, which according to my estimated delivery date falls within the possible conception time span, I can’t help wondering if the reason I was so content and tranquil that day was because my body knew something I didn’t.

It doesn’t take a genius to explain my dreams at the moment though, they are all concerned with having my baby then having someone take it away from me. I know I’m worried about how I’ll cope after the birth, I’m worried about how the ME/CFS will manifest under all that stress, pain and exertion, and the people who feature most strongly in my dreams are also the ones who have been the least supportive up to now so it’s easy to work out why they’d be the ‘bad guys’.

I’ve woken up screaming, crying and just lying there turning the dreams over in my mind fretting about everything they relate to, which is why I feel confident in saying pregnancy dreams are not normal.

‘Normal’ dreams for me, while vivid and complex, are confusing with no clear meaning. My pregnancy dreams are all too clear, they are just my real fears amplified and blown up into the worst possible scenarios (well, apart from the one where I went for an ultrasound and saw creatures crawling around the baby – they looked a little like the ‘bug’ inserted inside Neo in the matrix film, the technician tried to tell me it was just worms and that I had nothing to worry about but I overheard the doctors discussing ways of keeping me in until I reached full term so they could extract the specimens.. So glad Stef woke me up from that one! no idea what fear that was amplifying but it’s a doozy!)

So, here’s hoping these yoga relaxation techniques work and I can start having pleasant dreams instead – it’d be nice to concentrate on my hopes instead of my fears for a change..