I don't really like the word blog, but it seems pointless to fight it, Zis is a blog.
If you want to know more about an Algerian girl who lives in London and struggles with thoughts that are beyond the remits of her understanding, stories of society and social climbers of love and deception and of a status of seemingly eternal singlehood, then you are in the right place...

Wednesday, 24 November 2010

Back in London...

After what seems to be an eternity spent in the seaside city of doom, I am finally back in London where I feel I belong. I have landed my old job back in the City and moved into a new area of London I hadn’t experienced before and all feels well, almost as though I never left.

The past year has been without a doubt the most testing of my whole life, in fact it was my own military service, I dived into a completely different place, different industry and I gave it my all, but the social isolation and working environment got the better of me. I did not in any way give up, I fought very hard not to throw in the towels but I reached a point where if I had stayed I would be loosing my mind, dignity, integrity and all that I stand for.

I am very proud of my achievement, resilience and willpower, I always believed that I was a strong person, but I think that this time I even surprised myself with how much I could take on, the challenge being what it was overwhelmed me, I was consumed by the challenge itself and delayed my departure until I thought I made a difference, not realising the stress and mental abuse was taking its tole on my mental health and consequently physical health. Upon leaving I felt like a prisoner who had been released, lost my confidence, put on a lot of weight due to stress related eating disorder (well I say disorder - I just scoffed on a lot of ice-cream for comfort), I became Über sensitive to all comments, critics or sometimes even compliments made me weep.

I am a naturally forgiving person, but you cannot forgive until you heal, so I am nurturing my wounds, started by getting my fitness back, feel good about my physical appearance, seek professional help if needed and lets face it IS needed, anyone reading my blogs can tell I am a bit neurotic.

So I am back in London, my take on life has changed, my priorities have shifted and my goals have been altered, maybe this is growing up...or maybe this is just part of life, either way my mind is clear and I know where I am heading…Until the next time they change.

14 comments:

Firstly; learn to accept and love yourself before searching for love and acceptance elsewhere.

Secondly; please this is for you as for all the Algerian women in the UK. Come down to earth, be modest and stop the bullshit and you'll find a good wleed la bled. The City and Canary Walf are full of decent Algerian professionals from traders, analysts and chartered accountants. Most of them are single and they will be more than happy to settle down with bent la bled.

Hi UrbanGorilla,My blogpost is about taking control of my life, coming back to London...no where did it mention looking for a man...so you're the one who's either confused or ydour kima assa3a...Ps: yakhi Samet yakhi! :P

- My comment was not specific to a certain post, however, it was a holistic one to your blog in general. choufi ya rass el hadjra ki el chaddi hawass 3la les bananes goul "ana habeet les bananes" maygoulch "a3touni el dala3". Ntiya d'apres my highly sought opinion(ghamza) khasak radjel point final mahi affair dilemma wela el 9iyama. Hadi mafihach 3eeb because we all need our half fel danya hadi and we hope it will be our best half. However, we also have to be realistic and we have to find a balance between our expectations and our real needs. Once we learn to manage our expectations we will become free which in turn it will allow us to live with more certainty, calmness, encouraging less reactivity and avoiding in necessary pressures on ourselves and less upsets.

- Also, form my humble psychoanalysis of your blog :) it seems to me that you are suffering from IWA syndrome ( I want it all syndrome). oh dear!, oh dear!, oh dear!........you have to realise that we can't have it all in this life. We must do some trade-offs with ourselves based on what we need rather than on what we want. Dakhilha fi rass el hadjra dyalak; your dilemmas are self-inflicted. Raki haba tkouni very successful in you career, tal9ay a superman, tkouni a super wife, a super mum, a super lover between the sheets, a kitchen goddess and above all to have the perfect body. Just forget it because you will never ever have it all.

Try to find the simple things in life that makes you happy ou khlass...if an ice cream makes you happy so bit it!!!! I know self-indulgence may not help your waste line and your size 18 dress but it can be orgasmic for you at certain times (metaphorically speaking).

- Choufi li habek habek bkhnountak, bel chham nta3ak ou bel la 3mach dyalek. The right man is out there looking for you and he will find you..... and I hope that he will get to you while you’re in one piece nchallah. Just be patient, don't be hard on yourself and try to be happy with the simple thing in life.

As a conclusion, no one is expecting anything from you BUT you're punishing yourself by expecting too much of yourself.

Ababa ch7al tachki ntiya, ghamtini bel machakil dyalek. After I read your blog I felt that I was in need of an urgent counselling session and a good long holiday.

Please note that above is written tongue-in-cheek, nonetheless; is a serious reply.

Thank you Naima. I have lots of friends and a good social network am only lonely in the love department as UrbanGorilla so graciously mentioned. If you want to join my social network you let me know :)

Hey DZ Chicka (never tried one).Nice to hear you are sorting your life out ALONE. You must be a strong woman. Dont worry about work too much, you did what you could, you know the politics nowadays, everyone is on edge and out for themselves.Dont loose confidence, never let people at work get you down. Play the game.In the end you left with dignity, which I would have done as well. there is no point suffering all the bullshit.and you felt like being liberated.You will soon develop even more and realise you made the right decision.Gorilla mans posts sound like a sobre version of my old druken posts lolTake care!

I am stubborn I am not going to deny it but I thought that was part of my charm…or maybe not! …moving on.

- In general, and as per my blogs title “single Algerian girl in London” is obviously a blog that one would imagine will tackle issues around the fact that I am single and would like to find my “rich, genius, very funny, faithful, tall and successful other half” (I get it now…why I am still single)… so don’t blame me if I tend to visit the subject more than once in my blog entries. Yes it is a question that is on my mind and on the mind of at least 99% of all women in the world but I am not hiding it as you claim I am.

- Thank you doctor for your diagnosis, I suffer from IWA syndrome do I? :)

Maybe I do, I am known to be very hard on myself yes and sometimes on people who are close to me as well, when their life choices or decisions aren’t in line with my expectations or aspirations for them, I have however learnt to control myself and decided I should mind my own business and accept these peoples decisions and respect their choices as a true friend should do and that I cannot control everything in life and not everything has to be perfect….to that end, I would like to add that I have made progress in this field, though I am still frequent visitor to the torture chamber when it comes to myself.

- I don’t know how my readers would imagine I look like; we all have perceptions based on the knowledge of certain things. So despite what you have read in my blog, I am not a size 18 UrbanGorilla. :) Another self-help solution for me apart from Ice-cream is exercise so I have been doing that a lot and I can happily announce that I have now gone down in weight and feel myself again…watch out!

- You know I am a believer in fate and I like the fact that life is full of surprises. The right man is looking for me as you say, I however have found him :)…not going to say anymore on the subject until I know more myself….stay tuned.

- As for my blog being a source of anguish and prompted the need for counselling for you, I guess that is what I was going through at the time and I didn’t hide it.

@DZ-Chick & @Naima.....tut tut tut ladies, that social network battle was amusing. Naima you started it, although I am sure you did it with the best intentions at heart but you underestimated DZ-Chick and consequently DZ-Chick obliged, ouch painful!

@Urban Gorilla, why shouldn't DZ-Chick want it all if she herself has it all. My take on this: 'don't lower your standards instead wait for people to rise up to your expectations'.Relationships are subject to terms and conditions....... I will not compromise of some requisites.