David Seltzer

Versatile scenarist who co-adapted Vladimir Nabokov's "King, Queen, Knave" (1972), wrote a couple of sophisticated horror films--the best of which was "The Omen" (1976)--and turned out several adroit...
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It’s a sad state of affairs that the biggest joke in parody films anymore is often the film itself. What passes for satire these days elicits plenty of strong reactions… but rarely is laughter among them. This week, theater audiences will be dragged to A Haunted House a send-up of all the found footage horror films of the last few years; Paranormal Activity, The Last Exorcism, The Devil Inside. These of course are just the movies we can tell will be skewered based on the trailers. The movie stars, and was co-written by, Marlon Wayans; herein lies the potential for concern.
The Wayans Brothers — Marlon, Damon, Shawn, and Keenen Ivory — have been making films together, or at least collaborating on each other’s projects, for a long time. Though Damon has been involved the least, over the years they have put-together a number of comedies designed to lampoon certain film genres and trends. In 2000, Keenen Ivory directed a film written, at least in part, by his brothers Shawn and Marlon. It was called Scary Movie, and, like A Haunted House, it took aim at the spate of horror films popular at the time of its release. The really scary thing about this particular movie is how it marred the art of parody for many years to come.
It should be conceded that comedy is arguably the most subjective genre of film; there is no collective sense of humor. However, in terms of its basic construction, Scary Movie should be studied in film schools as the precise method by which one should not produce a parody film. It is laden with the cheapest, most insubstantial jokes designed to shock audiences or at least play to their basest impulses. There’s a downright sophomoric fart joke in the opening seconds, and the mentality of “when in doubt make a sex joke” seems to be the driving force. Not that the humor need be G-rated, but the lazy raunchy comedy here is on par with a porn parody more than a studio comedy.
One of the big problems with Scary Movie is that it doesn’t just poke fun at horror films. It makes several references to topical pop culture footnotes throughout that fall flat time after time. We are treated to such gems as Prince in his yellow jumpsuit, Dawson’s Creek gags, and a segment lifted from that atrocious “wassup” beer commercial. These references don’t just sail past our funny bones, but they also give the movie a desperately dated feel. Yes, these guys were “satirizing” horror movies from a specific era, but none of the pop culture nods are necessary and, as the years continue to distance us from Scary Movie, will only serve to limit its audience and effect. As the franchise continued, the pop culture roasting became more prevalent than the horror movie mockery.
The success of Scary Movie at the box office has turned out to be extremely unfortunate for the art form of comedy, particularly spoof comedy. There are six writers credited on Scary Movie, incredible considering the crippling weakness of its script. Two of those credited are Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. These two continued to work on the Scary Movie sequels before branching off into the subset of films known as the “movie movies.” These cinematic faceplants included Date Movie, Epic Movie, and Meet the Spartans, films less about crafting intelligent parody and more about serving as ephemeral pop culture hat racks. The formula became, “hey, (insert topical personality or character), what are you doing here?” immediately followed by that character inexplicably getting hit with a large object. Funny.
Back in the 1980s, the standard for spoof came at the hands of Jim Abrahams and David and Jerry Zucker. These were the guys that brought us Airplane, Naked Gun, and Top Secret. They knew how to balance lampoon of established material with unique sight gags and slapstick. As much as it would seem apt to judge Scary Movie as a cheap imitation of these masters, David Zucker and Jim Abrahams actually came aboard for the woefully inept Scary Movie 4. To continue lording their work over the Scary Movie series is hypocritical.
Instead, let us examine 1988’s I’m Gonna Get You Sucka!. Like Scary Movie, I’m Gonna Get You Sucka! was directed by Keenen Ivory Wayans and acts as a parody, casting a cadre of legends and lovingly spoofing the tropes of blaxploitation films of the 1970s. The comedy in the movie comes not only from references to the films it is lampooning, but also in the comical lead characters and situations that stand on their own. The movie was clever, plot-driven, and expertly blended cultural satire into the narrative. Why did none of this translate to Scary Movie?
It may have something to do with the old adage of too many cooks in the kitchen. On the one hand, it is understandable that the other Wayans would favor a collaborative writing process given their roots in the sketch comedy show In Living Color, but when the number of writers on a single movie becomes a running gag throughout the life of the franchise, there’s a problem. “From fourteen of the sixteen writers of Scary Movie” was actually used as a comedic tagline at one point.
But we can then hold out some hope for A Haunted House. Though Keenaen is not involved, only two writers are credited. If we may offer any advice at all to co-writer Marlon Wayans, it would be to look to his brother’s I’m Gonna Get You Sucka for screenplay structure inspiration; clever standalone jokes, minimized toilet humor. We would also warn against using the Friedburg and Seltzer model of crowding that haunted house with nothing but pop culture junk. Our optimism here may be paltry, but after such a disastrous trailer, we’re hoping against hope that this won’t be just another bad joke masquerading as a satirical comedy.
Follow Matt Patches on Twitter @misterpatches
[Photo Credit: Open Road Films; United Artists]
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A little back story - the Black List is not a “best of” list by any regard. Instead it is referred to as a “most liked” list. Each year Franklin Leonard asks several members of the entertainment industry elite - top agents, managers, executives, people like that - to vote for their favorite unproduced screenplays and each year he publishes the resulting list. Several of your favorite unique movies of the past few years (Juno, 500 Days of Summer, Lars and The Real Girl) appeared on the list and it has helped launch quite a few careers.
Having said that, there is a caveat. While the criteria calls for the screenplay to be “unproduced” several of these works have either been optioned and/or are in production. In fact, a few have already been made. And there have been whispers that some agencies and managers stack the list for their own clients so this is by no means a fair or accurate list. But alas, that’s Hollywood baby.
Anyway, on to the most promising sounding scripts!
College Republicans - Wes Jones. Taking the top spot this year is the true story of Karl Rove running for the presidency of the College Of Republicans under the guidance of Lee Atwater. Rove is one of the most devious little bastards of the American political system in the past two decades. It’ll be interesting to see this story translated to screen. Shia LaBeouf and Paul Dano are loosely attached to the project.
Jackie - Noah Oppenheim. The second place script follows Jackie Kennedy in the immediate week following JFK’s assassination. While the nation mourned the loss of its leader, she mourned the death of her husband...intriguing to say the least. Sounds heartwrenching. Steven Spielberg is on board to executive produce through Amblin, with Rachel Weisz in talks to star.
All You Need is Kill - Dante Harper. Third place goes to the first skeptical inclusion, an adaptation of a graphic novel. Its high ranking somewhat ensures that it is indeed good, but still the fact that it isn’t original isn’t promising. The story follows a soldier in the future who finds himself caught in a time loop after dying on the battlefield. His tactical skills become more concise after each "death". Doug Liman (The Bourne Identity) to direct.
999 - Matt Cook. A group of corrupt cops have to shoot a fellow officer in order to get away. How can you not like the sound of that? John Hillcoat to direct, Chris Pine in talks to star.
Margin Call - JC Chandor. Our first produced screenplay! This one stars Kevin Spacey and a gaggle of gifted performers. You’ll be able to see it next year as it premieres at Sundance.
American Bullshit - Eric Warren Singer. Another true story of an FBI sting in the US Congress. This is a perfect example of the unwritten rule of the Black List: if you want your film on it, give its title a little dirty word.
The Last Son of Isaac Lemay - Greg Johnson. An aging outlaw is convinced his children are evil and sets off to kill him. However, his worst fears come to life when he meets his last remaining son. Sounds a lot like Dexter and I’m completely okay with that.
Die in a Gun Fight - Andrew Barrer &amp; Gabriel Ferrari. A contemporary take on the Romeo &amp; Juliet tale. This one just had Zac Efron attached to it and has a good chance of getting made.
Imagine - Dan Fogelman. You’ll be seeing this one soon enough with Steve Carell as the son of an aging rockstar discovers the life of his father he never knew existed.
Chronicle - Max Landis. Three teens discovers they have gained superpowers after contact with a mysterious substance in the woods. Things start off all fun and games until they start to turn on each other. Finally! Something not involving politics!
Your Bridesmaid is a Bitch - Brian Duffeld. A guy agrees to be a groomsman for his sister’s wedding only to discover the woman who broke his heart is also a part of the wedding. Why the guy (or the sister for that matter) didn’t see this coming remains to be seen. But again, put a dirty word in your title = recognition.
What Happened To Monday? - Max Botkin. A group of identical septuplets has to investigate the disappearance of one their siblings when the government forces families to only conceive one child due to population overcrowding. The possibilities of this seem amazing and due to the title it seems likely each sibling is named after a day of the week. Go me.
The Butler - Danny Strong. A black butler in the White House services eight US Presidents. Could be Forrest Gump. Could be TMZ. Either way, I’m there.
One Day - David Nicholls. Here’s the official Black List summary, “Dexter and Emma meet for the first time on college graduation day in 1988 and proceed to reunite one day a year for the next 20 years.” Here’s my official reactiong, “Bluuuuurgh.” This one is in post-production with Anne Hathaway and Jim Sturgess starring. Lone Scherfig (An Education) directs.
Murder of a Cat - Christian Magalhars &amp; Robert Snow. A dark comedy about a guy investigating his cat’s death? Why hasn’t this been made sooner?
Can You Keep A Secret - Megan Martin. A woman spills all of her secrets to the stranger on a rough plane ride. Turns out the stranger is the CEO of her company. This logline actually made me laugh out loud. I really hope it gets made.
Cinema Verite - David Seltzer. “Based on the PBS series ‘An American Family,’ cameras follow a family as they go about their daily life.” I’m sorry, I couldn’t make it through that sentence. I had to copy and paste.
The Girl With Something Extra - Terrence Michael. A girl enters high school and suddenly realizes she’s a boy who has been raised his whole life to believe he is a girl? Talk about an awkward first day of gym class.
Ricky Stanicky - Jeff Bushell. Three childhood friends invent someone to take the blame for all of their shenanigans. Eventually their wives demand to meet this person and they hire and actor to play him. Sounds like a Farrelly Brothers movie and I mean that in the most sincere way possible. James Franco is attached.
Zombie Baby - Andy Jones. You don’t need to know anything other than the title. Trust me.
Boy Scouts Vs. Zombies - Carrie Evans &amp; Emi Mochizuko. Again, no other information necessary.
Prom - Katie Wech. “High school students prepare for their prom.” No, seriously. That is all there is to it.
Fucking Jane Austen - Blake Bruns. Again, use a dirty word, get Black Listed. But this one actually lives up to its title. Two men are pissed at Austen for creating unrealistic expectations about love among women (preach it brothers!) so they get sent back in time. Unfortunately the only way for them to get back is to have Jane Austen fall in love and sleep with one of them.
Paint - Brit McAdams. From the list, “A Bob Ross-esque PBS painting show host must fight for his career when his station brings in a rival painting host.” Stop, you had me a Bob Ross-esque.

Children's movies are dark and terrible, although the type of dark and terrible they happen to be depends on the age of the audience that they’re targeting. Toy Story 3 is about accepting death, but because it’s nominally geared toward young children, all of the holocaust references and torture scenes are couched in bright pastels. Young adult literature can be a lot more brazen about its subject matter, which tends to be identity confusion, sexuality, and the consequences of one's actions.
J.K. Rowling managed a coup by telling the story of Harry Potter’s complete adolescence. He must learn to be his own parent, decide who he is and see the consequences of his actions and, of course, confront and defeat death. Don’t fool yourself, Rowling is a fantastic writer. I’ve said elsewhere that Stephanie Meyer makes J.K. Rowling look like Virginia Woolf, but that obscures the fact that J.K. Rowling makes J. K. Rowling look like Jane Austen.
The Harry Potter movies have a similar progression, from those Christopher Columbus pastels to where we are now, with articles in newspapers across the U.S. asking whether or not Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is too scary for children.
The king of dark children’s literature is Roald Dahl. He's a fascinating figure who wrote a great deal more than children’s literature. Dahl wrote a lot of O. Henry-ish crime stories, one of which ends with a woman serving up investigating officers the very leg of lamb she used to bludgeon her husband to death. The detectives gnaw away while telling her that once they find the murder weapon, they’ll find her husband’s killer.
Dahl also wrote a whole slew of rather twisted children’s stories, the most famous of which is Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, later made into this week’s classic movie:
1971’s Willy Wonka &amp; the Chocolate Factory.
Roald Dahl wrote the original screenplay, but he didn’t meet his deadline and the writing duties were eventually handed to David Seltzer. Dahl radically disliked many of the changes Seltzer made, but for most folks who love both the book and the movie, they’re different but equally enjoyable.
There’s a kind of darkness at the edge of the movie; an inscrutability that suggests something truly scary going on somewhere in the depths of Wonka’s factory. The book doesn’t possess that haunting quality, but it does set up the basic engine for the story: a cautionary tale that tells children what happens when they overindulge.
The book, in fact, gets a great deal more grotesque. At the end Charlie actually gets to see what happens to the other children when they’ve been “fixed” by Wonka’s Oompa-Loompas. Mike Teevee, for instance, has been pulled by the taffy-pulling machine until he’s ten feet tall and thin as paper.
The movie recasts this children’s story into a young adult coming of age tale culminating in the decision of Charlie Bucket to either spy on Willy Wonka for money or go back to his penniless life with nothing. This is one of the changes Dahl got so upset about. In the book his simple non-act of avoiding misbehavior while on the tour wins him stewardship of the factory. That’s not quite active enough storytelling for film, so Seltzer recasts Slugworth as a rival chocolate maker using the children as spies.
Much of the magic in the Willy Wonka movie, like much of the magic in the Harry Potter movies, comes from perfect casting. Dahl wanted Spike Milligan, which might have been cool, but it’s difficult to imagine anyone being as pitch-perfect as Gene Wilder, who toyed with the mystery of Willy Wonka with a kind of dangerous playfulness never managed by Tim Burton and Johnny Depp in the recent remake.
I can only hope that as J.K. Rowling watches the last of her Harry Potter books make its way to the silver screen with a great deal more pride and pleasure than Roald Dahl managed when his own characters made their debut.

When award season rolls around there’s only one show that no one in Hollywood wants to be a part of ... the Annual Razzie Awards. The only competition honoring the best of the worst in film.
Even the biggest stars can’t dodge the occasional stinker and this year Mike Myers’ was no different. His summer flop The Love Guru received seven nominations, including worst picture, worst actor and worst screenplay for Myers. Ouch!
Myers shouldn’t feel too bad, Paris Hilton didn’t fair much better with nods for worst actress and worst screen couple for Hottie and the Nottie and worst supporting actress for Repo! The Genetic Opera.
Hilton’s Hottie and the Nottie will also compete for worst pic alongside The Love Guru, The Happening, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale and spoof flicks Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans.
The 29th Annual Razzies, determined by the 687 members of the Golden Raspberry Award Foundation, will be announced Feb. 21, the morning before the Academy Awards.
And the nominees are:
Worst Picture
Disaster Movie and Meet The Spartans
The Happening
The Hottie and The Nottie In The Name of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
The Love Guru
Worst Actor
Larry the Cable Guy, Witless Protection
Eddie Murphy, Meet Dave
Mike Myers, The Love Guru
Al Pacino, 88 Minutes and Righteous Kill
Mark Wahlberg, The Happening and Max Payne
Worst Actress
Jessica Alba, The Eye and The Love Guru
Cameron Diaz, What Happens in Vegas
Paris Hilton, The Hottie and the Nottie
Kate Hudson, Fool's Gold and My Best Friend's Girl
The entire cast of The Women (Annette Bening, Eva Mendes, Debra Messing, Jada Pinkett Smith and Meg Ryan)
Wort Director
Uwe Boll, 1968 Tunnel Rats, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale and Postal
Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer for Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans
Tom Putnam, The Hottie and the Nottie
Marco Schnabel, The Love Guru
M. Night Shyamalan, The Happening
Worst Supporting Actor
Uwe Boll (as himself), Postal
Pierce Brosnan, Mamma Mia!
Ben Kingsley, The Love Guru, War, Inc. and The Wackness
Burt Reynolds, Deal and In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Verne Troyer, The Love Guru and Postal
Worst Supporting Actress
Carmen Electra, Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans
Paris Hilton, Repo! The Genetic Opera
Kim Kardashian, Disaster Movie
Jenny McCarthy, Witless Protection
Leelee Sobieski, 88 Minutes and In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Worst Screenplay
Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans (jointly) - written by Jason Friedberg &amp; Aaron Seltzer
The Happening - written by M. Night Shyamalan
The Hottie and the Nottie - written by Heidi Ferrer
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale - screenplay by Doug Taylor
The Love Guru - written by Mike Myers &amp; Graham Gordy
Worst Screen Couple
Uwe Boll &amp; any actor, camera or screenplay, 1968 Tunnel Rats, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale and Postal
Cameron Diaz &amp; Ashton Kutcher, What Happens in Vegas
Paris Hilton &amp; either Christine Lakin or Joel David Moore, The Hottie and the Nottie
Larry the Cable Guy &amp; Jenny McCarthy, Witless Protection
Eddie Murphy &amp; Eddie Murphy, Meet Dave
Worst Rip-Off, Prequel or Remake
The Day the Earth Stood Still
Disaster Movie and Meet The Spartans (jointly)
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Speed Racer
Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Career Achievement
Uwe Boll
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Created, wrote and executive produced NBC’s six-week mini-series, "Revelations"

Received writting credit for "Omen IV: The Awakening"

Wrote the teleplays for the TV movies "My Father's House" and "Larry"

Worked on TV game show, "I've Got a Secret"

Penned the screenplay for the family drama, "Table for Five" starring Jon Voight

Summary

Versatile scenarist who co-adapted Vladimir Nabokov's "King, Queen, Knave" (1972), wrote a couple of sophisticated horror films--the best of which was "The Omen" (1976)--and turned out several adroit tearjerkers, before making his directorial debut with "Lucas" (1986), a winning, low-key portrait of adolescence.