Share this with

OCD is a very difficult thing to grasp if you’ve never experienced it (Picture: Liberty Antonia Sadler for Metro.co.uk)

OCD is a very difficult thing to grasp if you’ve never experienced it.

It’s illogical, irrational and sometimes, to an outside eye, a bit odd.

It’s important to remember that a person with OCD realises all of this, so although it might seem helpful, trying to poke holes in their compulsions is not going to ‘snap them out of it’.

Instead, it will probably only make them feel frustrated, silly and more isolated than they already do.

Using contamination OCD as an example, here are my dos and don’ts for supporting a friend with OCD.

Don’t berate them

(Picture: Getty)

Telling your friend off for wasting water, pointing out to them how much they spend on hand soap, drawing attention to the damage they’re doing to their skin, or questioning why they’re washing their hands again, is more likely to make your friend feel guilty or embarrassed than help them.

Advertisement

Advertisement

They know all of this already, and trust me, they’re not happy about it.

Please remember that this is a compulsion, not just a choice.

In the moments leading up to them washing their hands, their mind has been screaming at them that they’re dirty.

They’ve felt the need to wash building up like an itch under their skin, and with it, they’ve felt their anxiety levels rising. While they’ve been talking to you like normal, unknown to you, they’ve been fighting a battle inside their own head.

OCD is like a fight for control.

Our brains are designed to keep us safe and we instinctively avoid things we perceive as dangerous, taking steps to minimise any risk of harm to ourselves.

But for a person with OCD, this perception of what’s safe and what’s dangerous is warped.

It affects your ability to listen to the rational part of your brain and puts you on constant high alert.

At its worst, OCD can make life exhausting and at times almost unbearable.

When your mind is screaming at you to wash your hands, even though you only washed them five minutes ago, you do it because it’s a compulsion.

And believe me, in that moment, as the hot water runs over your cracked and bleeding hands, it feels like you’ve lost that battle with your brain.

What you can do:

If your friend hasn’t sought help and you think OCD may be impacting on their daily life, offer to go with them to see their GP.

There are plenty of treatment options available, including medication and CBT, which they may not have realised.

Let them know you’re there for whatever they need and that you will always support them.

When you spend time with them, help them to feel like they’re in a safe place, free from judgement.

Remember that OCD is a complex disorder

(Picture: Getty)

OCD is so much more than hand washing or liking things tidy. It comes from a deep-rooted fear that the world is, in some way, an unsafe place. It’s borne from doubt and low self-esteem.

Advertisement

Advertisement

A person with OCD may be untrusting, not only of others, but of themselves.

They may quite often seek reassurance from you that they’ve done the right thing.

If your friend asks you to reassure them that they locked their front door, washed their hands before they ate or turned their oven off, even it seems silly, please don’t tease them or get impatient.

What you can do:

Rather than being dismissive, be patient and kind.

Remember that while this might seem trivial to you, to them it’s a massive source of anxiety and uncertainty.

Remember that OCD is not an easy thing to overcome

(Picture: Getty)

CBT will help your friend challenge their irrational thoughts by putting them in situations they don’t feel comfortable with.

Exposure therapy will have them touching ‘unclean’ surfaces, eating food with unwashed hands, and will generally make them feel unsafe.

If they’ve been prescribed medication, it’s important to know that this isn’t an easy road either.

It’s not a case of popping a pill and instantly feeling better. In fact, for the first few weeks they’ll likely feel worse.

There are no magic words you can say that will ‘flip a switch’ inside them, and that doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a friend, it just means that OCD is a complex disorder that requires professional treatment.

Advertisement

And please, please, please don’t try to trick your friend or push them out of their comfort zone to prove that they don’t have anything to worry about.

Putting them in an ‘unsafe’ situation, for example, by letting them eat something that’s out of date to show them afterwards that they were absolutely fine, will only cause distress and break their trust in you.

Your heart may be in the right place, but it will do more harm than good. Leave this sort of thing to a counsellor.

What you can do:

Your friend’s journey, whether that involves counselling, medication or both, will at times be hard and emotionally draining.

Why not offer to spend some time with your friend after their counselling sessions?

Perhaps offer to take them somewhere they feel happy and safe, or let them suggest an activity to do together.

On the flip-side, don’t be offended if they don’t take you up on your offer. They might just need some alone time. Just knowing you’re there for them is enough.

You may never really understand exactly what your friend is going through, so the only thing that really matters is that they know you care about them.

You don’t need to walk on eggshells around them and you definitely don’t need to be their counsellor – just be their friend.