Does the new Oregon law allow you to text and call on your cell while stopped in traffic?It’s Sunday night. “The Simpsons” are on TV.

America’s favorite yellow middle-class family is packed into a station wagon, going nowhere on a gridlocked highway. Homer moans: "Oh, I hate traffic! The band and the phenomenon."

I’m not sure if everyone got the joke (Google “excruciating psychedelic rock”), but I laughed hard.

For a bigger chuckle, a few of readers have suggested that I shake off the egg nog fog of holiday vacation and look at my last column of 2009.

In my limited amount space on Monday A2, I tried to answer what I thought were the most pressing questions about Oregon’s new ban on driving while using hand-held cell phones.

Jeff K. of Beaverton said I should try again. He sent this query via Twitter:“Sooooo... my main questions that weren’t answered were: what about texting? Illegal? And what about when you’re stopped at a light or in traffic?”

Because talking behind the wheel is likely the most common activity with cell phones in traffic, most of the column was dedicated to that aspect of the new law.

But I did mention that texting would also be outlawed as of Jan. 1. (Has anyone been dinged with a $142 ticket yet?)

In fact, of all the distracted-driving sins that you can commit on the road, texting is among the most unforgivable. (Watching a TV cooking show, applying makeup and practicing a tuba are among the others).

Consider this the next time you try texting your pals “traffc badd, gonna b late, c u soon” while on I-5: Studies by the Virginia Tech Transportation Institute and the Transport Research Laboratory in the U.K. in 2008 showed texting is worse than drunken driving.

As for your second question, Mr. K, the answer is no. You’re still not allowed to text or yap on a handheld cell phone while stopped at a red light or stalled in a traffic jam.

Whether you’re stopped or not, if you’re taking up space in a lane, you’re in traffic and Johnny Law still considers you “operating a motor vehicle.”

“Even if you’re stopped at a light, you’re traffic,” said Oregon State Police Lt. Gregg Hastings. “But if you pull over to the side of the road and you’re not in the roadway, you can use your hand-held device.”

Why is it that I feel like I need to clarify that further?

Note: If you pull over to the side of the road, you should probably also stop before whipping out the cell and thumbing a text message.

I’m guessing that driving and texting on the shoulder isn’t safe either.

In my last column, I wrote that you can still drive and talk on your cell phone, “but you must use a Bluetooth headset or another wireless gizmo.”

Sharon Greenfield of Portland had to ask: “Only wireless connections are allowed now? So, not the free wired headset that come with every phone?”

Actually, Ms. Greenfield, you’re right. I could have worded that better.A "hands-free gizmo" is what I meant.

Wired. Wireless. As long you can safely take calls without using your paws, it’s all good.

It’s also OK to use those bright white iPhone ear buds that perform double duty as in-ear headphones for music and, with their tiny microphone, a headset to take incoming calls. Despite what you may have heard, it’s not illegal to drive with headphones inserted in your ears in Oregon.

Of course, if you want something a little better, there are plenty of hands-free accessories for iPhones, Blackberries and other wireless devices that will barely dent your gas budget. From Fred Meyer to Amazon.com, it’s easy to find a small catalog of options -- wired and wireless -- between $30 and $50.

Another reader wants to know: “Is there an app that lets you text hands-free?”

Yep. It’s that addictive. Americans punched out more than 110 billion text messages last year, double the number in the previous year and growing. So I guess, for many, a little self-control is too much to ask.

Laugh (or scoff) if you will. With the list of state’s outlawing texting and driving growing by the year, someone’s going to make some serious bank on this hands-free texting idea.Among the early voice-to-text-contenders are Yap, Vlingo, Vice on the Go and Dragon Dictation.

However, the apps are far from perfect and not entirely hands-free -- yet. With Dragon Dictation on my iPhone, for example, I had to tap a record button to start each message. Also, the program is plagued by transcription errors.

I said, “I’m going grocery shopping to buy a gallon of milk and a potato.” It wanted to text my wife this: “I’m growing shoe shopping to buy a gal on milk and parade on.” I think she would have been a bit perplexed and maybe a little concerned by that.

At same time, the program scored a touchdown on this one: “Hang up and drive.”