Category Archives: Entertainment

After seeing the new batman movie The Dark Knight and it having time to sink in over the last few days, I was thinking about some of the underlying themes and plot lines within the movie. After much thought I realized that a couple of them, and batman in general, were analogous to America and world events today. Even one of the movie posters have me thinking about this. Does that scene look familiar? Take my opinion, as with all of my opinions, with many grains of salt, but I find it hard to believe the producers and directors don’t intentionally create subliminal messages or simple subtext. So, let’s begin.

One of the quick and obvious correlations between America and Batman would be the need for temporary private data collection, giving them the tools to save lives in the battle against terrorism. Batman’s cellphone SONAR program, regardless of it’s blatant intrusion on privacy, was temporarily necessary to stop the bad guy of the day. Yes, Batman may have played fast and loose with civil liberties, but he ensured it was put into place in a temporary fashion, giving someone else control to end the program immediately after it’s use was no longer needed.

Batman is also a young naive rich man with big ideals and even bigger ideas. Nice Batpod, dude! Nice space shuttle, man! America gets labeled with the, “oh, you’re like a rich teenager with a bunch of money to burn trying to tell others how to live or what to do.” I’ve been told by several people that America is looked upon world wide as a rich child incapable of making rational decisions because of its rather young existence on the world stage. Even though both Batman and America have saved everyones asses before, no one really cares now. Both Gotham and the world have very short term memories and a “what have you done for me lately” mentality. Remember, two of Batman’s greatest assets (since he has no super powers) is his youth and, well, his assets. Exuberant youth and tons and tons of cash to spend and do what is needed to win. This is also one of America’s strongest assets as well. What some feel is blind arrogance I feel is one of our most important assets — youth and money. Old and rich just gets you someone like Alfred… also known as a country like England. Wise yes, but the wherewithal to fight the good fight is just not there like it used to be back in the glory days. Keep trying to give us good advice old chap, but after that just bring us our work boots, tights, and cape please.

Batman also has certain codes, codes he tries to never break, even when it’s at a detriment to himself. He will sacrifice and put himself in harm’s way just to ensure these codes aren’t broken and civilians are protected. Nothing sounds more American than this one. We’ve bent over backwards to minimize civilian casualties and protect civilians and have lost good men in the process. Soldiers lay their lives down every day in the world in an attempt to protect the innocent. That’s what we do, protect the innocent. Do you really think oil rich next door neighbors Canada and Mexico would exist today if our “super power” was used for imperialistic purpose? Of course not, but we have a code, we have honor.

An even more glaring but not as obvious similarity was what Alfred said to Batman. And I paraphrase, “The ones doing the hard and nasty work necessary to ensure the survival of civilization is almost universally hated for taking on said task.” Not sure what the exact quote was (I will find it soon), but sitting in the movie at the time I felt the statement explained well what America is going through now. Sometimes the right thing to do makes you unpopular and unlovable, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s the right thing to do and that it still has to be done. If you’re lucky only half of the people involved will hate you for your actions. Alfred’s point was that it’s easy to be liked when you’re doing nothing and not getting your hands dirty. Some politicians want us to be liked all around the world and will pay any long term cost for such a short term gain. Anyone who has ever done anything that requires making tough decisions knows full well you’re more than likely not going to be liked for making them. But who’s going to make them? Canada? France? Germany? These countries, which I like to call Robin, are great as sidekicks but would get their asses handed to them without Batman there to bail them out. Trust me, the Jokers of the world like Hitler, Stalin, and Saddam, would love for these much loved countries of the world to be the only “super powers”. Villains love job security.

So, it’s easy. We can finally be liked again simply by going back to the days of a playboy like Bill Clinton (Bruce Wayne pre-batman), where we drop a few dollars on charity events here and there (symbolism over substance), making us feel good and loved by all, but solve and preserve nothing. Or, we can fight our enemies to protect what we hold to be true and right while being a target figuratively and quite literally. Ultimately, we’ll be hated by all who take freedom for granted and think it’s just there without anyone needing to protect it, and fight for it, and bleed for it, and even die for it. I don’t know about you, but I’m with Batman…. and America. At least until Captain America comes out.

Every week we find ourselves sitting in the office on a Friday morning, wanting to work, but instead, not being able to get last nights episode of Lost out of our heads long enough to do our employer’s evil bidding. So, we think, and we write. Well, this week I was given a link to a video that sheds quite a bit of light on the subject (Hat Tip: J-Clizz). Check it out.

If that evil employer of yours also blocks YouTube videos I’ll quickly give you the nut of the story. It’s another one of those old school training videos for yet another hatch. During this video, a rabbit is duplicated, or sent through space/time, and the scientist—who is actually outed in this video as an actor—tries to hide the two rabbits from each other, alla Back to the Future. This—like every week this season—furthers the time travelling theory even more (Last week it was the rocket launch and its 30 minute delay).

The really interesting part of the video is caught in the subliminal flashes [again, Hat Tip: J-Clizz]. There’s a quick flash on the screen that reads — “God loved you as Jacob.” That’s when the epiphany, no, when the vision came to me. It was like I was sitting in Sunday School all over again. Abraham begot Isaac, and Isaac begot Jacob. Remember that song gang? Father Abraham had many sons? I didn’t think so, you heathens.

If you were wondering whether or not J.J. Abrams has a God complex, well wonder no more. Guess what Father Abraham’s original name was before the interpretation from Hebrew? That’s right Lost fans followers — Abrams. Damn you to hell for blasphemy J.J. Abrams.

At any rate, it gets even more interesting (or creepy, depending on your personal theology) when you do a little research on Jacob. You see, Jacob was not only Father Abraham’s grandson. He was not only the man that begot the 12 tribes of Israel, those who formed the bedrock of Judaism. He was also the guy who married a couple sisters by the name of Leah and Rachel.

Stay with me folks! Should I sing some hymns between the sermon? So, Leah, the woman Jacob didn’t really love all that much, was more of a consolation prize given to him after he tried to win the heart of Rachel by working for their father for the better part of a decade. He eventually married Rachel as well, but something went terribly awry. You see, Rachel was what you would call barren. For those of you living in Yulee, that means she couldn’t get pregnant or give birth.

All Lost fans know that there have been two major underlying themes throughout the Lost mythology. One being the pregnancy issues, the other being the daddy issues. Jacob and pregnancy issues — CHECK! Everyone on the island has either killed their dad, wants to, or wanted to. Low and behold, Jacob also had daddy issues. As the story goes, he wanted to get his father Isaac’s blessing, but that was reserved for Jacobs twin brother Esau, who was born seconds before his twin brother. By the way, blessing involved who got the family money.

So, Jacob deceived his father into thinking he was Esau, and received the blessing necessary to become a great and wealthy man. The name Jacob came to mean to deceive after these events transpired in the bible. Speaking of daddy issues, Jacob’s father Isaac was the child of Abraham, the same Abraham that God (his father!) instructed to sacrifice his son, Isaac. Jacob and daddy issues — DOUBLE CHECK!

So, now that we know who Jacob is, let’s figure out how he’s involved in this whole affair on the island. This is where it gets a little weird, so bare with me. Jacob, a very powerful and rich man during his time on Earth, so loved his wife Rachel, that he did something drastic. He created a secret organization (such as the Knight’s Templar) with one sole purpose — to pass down detailed instructions to each subsequent generation and aggressively work towards a solution to his “love” problem.

He assumed that one day mankind would devise a way to travel back in time. He also knew that Rachel’s barren womb could one day be cured as well. Once the obstacle of traversing time and infertility were overcome, they could come back and correct what God had failed to do. The organization has the time machine figured out, but I’m guessing are still having issues with the infertility.

I’m thinking that maybe the organization has been hijacked or infiltrated by nefarious people, intent on stopping Jacob’s one true believer, Ben, from carrying out Jacob’s task. Either that, or Ben’s dad was part of the plan and Ben’s mom was a guinea pig and now he’s attempting to stop the organization. Not sure which way is which. Regardless, no more need to watch Lost since I’ve figured it all out. Thank God that’s over. And by God, I mean J.J. Abrams.

*****

[Editor’s Update:Homer Nods! Rachel eventually did have children after being barren almost her entire life. She gave birth to two boys in her old age after Jacob cursed God for not giving him children with her (I guess it’s finally been proven that the Internet can be wrong, crazy I know). Someone told me that Jacob fell mute for cursing God before having children. Anyone know anything about that?

So, thanks TWOTP for pointing that out, and the chapter in Genesis that it is found. So, let’s look at Genesis 35:18 she’s referring to.

And when her soul was departing for pain, and death was now at hand, she called the name of her son Benoni, that is, The son of my pain: but his father called him Benjamin, that is, The son of the right hand.

So, Rachel finally gave birth to a son and then soon after gave birth to a final son, which she died giving birth to. The name of this son? Ben!!!! Remember Ben’s mother? You know, the one that died during childbirth.

Well, while searching for some info on that very subject—now that the writers’ strike has ended—I came across an interesting Wall Street Journal article on torture. And by interesting I mean apparently written by a 14-year-old or maybe a New York Times columnist (shame on you WSJ). It tries to tie a strong correlation between the decline in the popularity of the TV show 24 and America’s decline in the popularity of the use of torture during the execution of the War On Terror.

Before I get into the rant, I’d first like to say there is absolutely positively no correlation—not even a weak one—between these two events, and I will unequivocally prove this using the basic tenets of math and science. I won’t spend the time working out the statistical Z-score just yet, but I will as soon as I get a free couple hours to spare. If you’d first like to review some basic statistical concepts and definitions, checkout this stats 101 website and brush up for later.

First of all, check out the numbers here in this graph. The first thing you should notice (if you can read or you’re not Stevie Wonder) is the rough average number of viewers between season one and then season six. Looks roughly like about 9 to 10 million viewers in season one and 13 to 14 million in season six (finger estimate). I’m no genius, but that’s about a 40% increase in viewership over those two seasonal bookends. Season six even has the average highest rated season ever for the show. I’ll let you research what TV shows historically do around season four or five, but just trust me when I say they’d all kill for a 40% increase in viewership from season one to that point. Hell, most just don’t want to be cancelled by their sixth season.

Now, let’s study the season six numbers alone for a minute. We’ll actually come up with a totally different hypothesis than the one assumed by the writer if we attempt to show a correlation between the content of the show and its viewership (which is what this bozo, who apparently never watches the show, was trying to do in the first place, only they got it backwards). Season six—while being popular at first—shows the biggest and most consistent drop off in viewership between the first episode and last. Almost every week it had less viewers than the week before, which had never happened in the shows history.

Now, if this anomaly occurred in 2004 during the height of the Abu Ghraib kerfuffle, then maybe we could say it had something to do with torture, but alas, that didn’t happen. Actually, the inverse occurred, with 24 increasing viewership by almost 2 million viewers in 2004 during that time-frame. Season six started over two and half years after Abu Ghriab, with the second most watched episode in the shows history. Only one other episode had been watched more before this point, and that was season five’s premiere, which by the way happened around two years after Abu Ghriab.

During season six, and even during the “big event points” that occur on 24 about every six episodes and always midway through the season, the drop off still continues. If you look at every other season you’ll see these spikes in viewership at these event points. So, what happened in season six that caused 24 to consistently lose so many viewers as the season progressed? Why did the bleeding begin and progressively get worse? Well, I can tell you that the viewers “tired of the same old story” dropped off in season four, or at least my anecdotal data proves that to be the case. A lot of the 24 fans I knew back then decided that Jack Bauer saving the world three times was enough. So, why the highest rating to begin the season, followed by the bleeding?

What happened throughout the last season when the show saw such a drop off? Jack came back from China and decided torture wasn’t the answer, that’s what. He also came back and second guessed killing a bad guy for moral reason. He also decided to negotiate with an obvious Bin Laden type character who saw the “light” and wanted to sign a treaty of peace with the “American scum”, only to be killed by an American and cabinet member who wanted to continue the war. Jack also killed one of his best friends and a true patriot, Curtis Manning, to save the life of that Bin Laden character.

So, the only real drop off that has occurred has been during a season filled with preaching about the ills of torture and a hero bent on appeasing terrorists to the point of killing his best friend (an allegory for the American left if there ever was one). If you want to make a show people watch, please, make Jack a hero, not a politician. Make him a man of action and quick in decision. No woman wants a man who can’t make a decision, and no country wants a terrorist fighter with a moral compass. Even if what a character like Jack does is wrong, that doesn’t make it ethically wrong to tell a story about it. He does bad things to save good people. There are consequences for his transgressions, like his wife being killed, his daughter hating him, his father and brother turning to the dark side and trying to kill him, and everyone he knows who isn’t dead—which is most of them—hating him. Tony Soprano anyone? Dexter anyone? Hamlet anyone?

So, the next time the author of this ridiculous article decides to dig deep into extremely tough subject matter such as math, statistics, morality, or literature, I hope they just stick with what they know — which appears to be close to nothing. I also hope the producers of 24 have learned from their season six missteps. From the looks of the 24 season 7 preview they have, but from the new cast of characters (Janine “Air America” Garofalo???), maybe not. Still, can’t wait to see Red Forman from That 70’s Show as a dumb ass senator. Well, I guess there’s always that show Dexter. The show about a man who knows how to deal with evil, no matter what the cost.

Oh, and I almost forgot — still no word on when the new season of 24 begins. Now that didn’t take long for me to get to, now did it?

Yeah, the Asian Ghostbuster (aka, Uncle Juniors crazy buddy in the nut house on The Sopranos) is really starting to piss me off. Why would an organization send in a bunch of idiots who are obviously not trained tactically to apprehend/extract someone such as Ben?

Do we assume the plane wreckage is a cover up plant or real? Not sure what to think about that. I’m leaning towards it being a cover up and not an alternative space/time line.

I’m sticking to my guns too — the Oceanic Six must include Sawyer (“I have to get back to him Jack!”) and I’m guessing the last two will be the dog and the baby (A dingo ate my baby). At this point, I’m only concerned and emotionally invested in the dog getting off the island alive. Actually, they may end the whole show with the dog sitting on a cold bathroom floor, slowly dying from old age and dreaming the whole thing as he ascends ever so closer to the heavens. It’s really the only way this will all make any sense.

Also, the polar bear in Africa leads me further to believe in the time travel theory. We all know (according to Albert Einstein and Hiro on Heroes) that time travel includes teleportation (the bending of space and time) and experimenting with animals would be an obvious route to take during QA, UAT, regression, and acceptance testing.

Anyone seen the movie The Prestige? I’m waiting on Lost to mention Tesla in an upcoming episode. In real-life, Tesla believed you could wirelessly transport electricity through the earth and to anywhere on the planet. He also thought this could maybe lead to teleporting not only data but physical objects as well (the matter cannot be destroyed theory). Funny how he was right concerning electricity and data about 100 years early. Maybe Darma was experimenting with these theories and stumbled across the time traveling aspects by mistake. When this accidentally happened either the company had to clean up the time travelling mess by finding the workers LOST in time, Ben being the companies “Public Enemy Number One”.

Still doesn’t explain why they’re sending a bunch of rookies to apprehend him. Unless of course, they’re connected to the island. Obviously, the dude crying in his living room over the plane being found and not knowing why would lead us to this conclusion. That and the ghostbuster powers. Oh, and the pilots martini making powers.

For those of you who are big Lost fans out there (like me) that just can’t wait another 815 minutes for some quality Lost action on January 31, I present to you the Find 815 website. Once you’re on the site, be sure to register first and start from chapter one. The site will try to start you on the latest chapter, which you won’t notice until you’ve ruined some surprises in future chapters.

So far, the site is just as confusing as the show, but it has its share of easter eggs and clues if you just look for them. As an added bonus to the first 4,815,162,342 visitors, when you visit the site, J.J. Abrams personally adds a cookie to your computer that allows you to see the Cloverfield Spoiler video. Oh wait, I was just told that it only puts more money in J.J.’s checking account. Pity.

More to come this week on Lost and the upcoming Cloverfield (anagram?) theatrical release, so check back in soon.

The new Lost season begins Jan 31st and is moving to Thursday nights at 9:00pm. I’m going to need a new DVR just for Thursday nights, damn it! Some of the questions not yet answered are listed below, just in case you forgot details from last season, which ended approximately 4,815,162,342 short months ago.

Question 1: Why do I watch this show?

Question 2: No really, will you please tell me why I put myself through such things?

Question 3: Will Hurley finally lose some of that weight after being stranded on an island for so long? I mean come on, at least the Skipper on Gilligan’s Island started dropping some weight after a few seasons. Granted, in real life he was dying of AIDS at the time… I kid, I kid. It was herpes.

Question 4:Will they kill off the latest real-life DUI character Jin-Soo Kwon? When asked, the star was quoted as saying, “Whatever sugar tits” as he flipped off the camera.

Speaking of JJ Abrams, check out the latest on the Cloverfield pre-story by clicking here (password: jllovesth). Not sure if you watched the first four videos yet, but interesting stuff if you can sit through the soap opera bullshit. Watch the latest video and come back. I’ll wait. So, just do what your man says and freeze that shit girl! Well, the way it’s looking, maybe she ends up being the monster after getting infected with the substance her man sent her and she refuses to freeze. Why will it take almost a month for her to be infected? Simple — she didn’t go ape shit until her first period hit. “Look out, a giant menstruating woman who just had her boyfriend break up with her… RUN!!!!”

Great marketing scheme guys. Why didn’t someone think of doing this pre-movie storyline crap before? Oh, that’s right, no Internet. The Internet is crawling with official subplots for the coming movie. All kinds of Lost like company websites and stuff. As the story goes, it looks like a Japanese company has been out in the Atlantic searching some deep sea crevasses and uncovered the monster/animal. Or are they creating it through genetic research? Regardless, it doesn’t get to the New York shores until 1-18-08. I’m sure it was Greenpeace trying to just “save” the poor “innocent” creature or something. They shutdown the power to the containment grid (just like in Ghostbusters, right?) and BAM, here comes trouble. Yes it’s true Mr. Mayor, this man has no dick.

Wait, screw that. It’s not a giant mutated menstruating pissed off woman. I did hear that the beast attempts to run ashore in Jersey, but the smell was unbearable and she decided to move North a bit (you and eight million New Yorkers my friend).

So, here’s the story… The Japanese offshore oil drilling team searching for oil uncovered a large pocket below the sea floor. The creature lives in oil, or on oil. Prehistoric beast, millions of years old. That would explain the oil tanker getting taken out on the way into Manhattan. Wait, maybe it needs oil to survive and once the drill team depleted his cavern of his supply he decided to go find some more. Holy shit, the U.S. Strategic Petroleum Reserves in New Orleans. This monster is after our 700 million barrels of oil reserves. It just wants a place to sleep. Call in the big guns… get me Dick Cheney on line one, now!

I know a couple of you older PJ fans (like me) will get a kick out of this link. As for you young ‘ens, Pearl Jam was a great band from the 90’s, a far away time when the Internet hadn’t yet turned all of us into common music thieves (pirates if you will). They sounded a bit like The Who, only with a ham sandwich in the lead singers mouth while he sings. A bit like Nirvana, without the gunshot wound to the head. No, not the place nirvana, the band… screw it, enjoy.

I’m not big into documentaries, mostly because its primary goal is usually to raise money for some fringe organization more so than to raise awareness for an issue. But, Indoctrinate U looks promising just on it’s preview merits alone. I spent my college “career” almost universally disagreeing with everything that came out of my professor’s mouth that didn’t come with a mathematical proof attached to it. And sometimes even the ones with proofs were suspect. Nothing like a business law professor reducing a grade on a test due to his personal interpretation of the 2nd amendment (which does exist) and the mysterious privacy amendment (which by the way, doesn’t). But hey, at least the stripper in the class got a B, right?

Needless to say, this movie looks like my cup of tea. I support anything that puts college professors and administrators on notice as they sit in their ivory towers complaining about others sitting in their ivory towers. So, as soon as I get a hold of the DVD of this movie I’ll be sure to do a full HDW Movie Review. Until then, go to the website and sign-up and watch for a screening near you. Who knows, maybe you can get the University to sponsor an on campus viewing?

Even better than that preview is this little excerpt from the film. Good ole Columbia University. The land of diversity. This has got to be the best movie ever. I’m sure it will be up for an Oscar this year, right? Right? Riiiight!

Still not sure what this sucker is, and even with the Internets vast knowledge and accurate news reporting, I still can’t tell. Just another reason to hate J.J. Abrams my friend. If you screw up Star Trek J.J., so help me God, I will dedicate my life to tracking you down and giving you a very forceful and stern talking to.

My guess about what this creature is, besides it being the dudes from the Rampage video game (the safe bet), is that it’s just some massive sea creature living deep in the ocean beyond our scientific reach and he’s just coming up for his every 10,000 year morning shit. To his dismay, someone has built a damn city in the middle of his bathroom. Sounds about right. Do you have any idea how mad I’d be if I woke up tomorrow morning and a f**king city was built in the middle of my bathroom? And to make things worse, the Yankees played there. Exactly… pissed. the f**k. off.