Creative Penalties Show Poetic License

September 13, 1989|By ROBIN BRANCH, Staff Columnist

First we have the Florida Legislature threatening teen-agers with the loss of their driver`s licenses unless they stay in high school until graduation, and then we have county law-enforcement agencies threatening would-be purchasers of sexual favors with the same penalty.

If this trend toward creative seizure of licenses continues, one of two things will happen: Either the problems besetting society will be eradicated by a frenzy of good behavior, or our traffic problems will soon be over.

After all, how many traffic problems can we have when there are no licensed drivers left in the state?

Hey, I could be wrong. Maybe the prospect of wholesale confiscation of driver`s licenses will herald an outbreak of personal and social reform such as the world has never seen.

All I`m saying is, I doubt it.

BUT WE`RE TRYING IT ANYHOW

In the first instance, the Legislature hopes to discourage kids from dropping out of high school before graduation by means of a new law mandating the suspension of a teen-ager`s license if he or she quits school, racks up 11 unexcused absences in a row, or has a total of 20 unexcused absences.

Only after returning to school for 45 days will the student be back on wheels legally.

In the second instance, we have an old law on the Florida books that says a person who tries to hire a prostitute can lose his or her driver`s license for one year if the purchase offer is made from a car.

As with DUI cases, the driver/solicitor may be given permission to drive to and from work during the suspension.

Those are the theories. And the reality?

Well, your typical high school dropout is long on angst, short on logic, hooked on instant gratification, alienated from authority, working a 30-hour week and walking the tightrope of adolescence without a safety net.

Yet this peer-pressured, acne-plagued, stressed-out kid, lacking even enough sense to equate minimum education with a life sentence to minimum wage, is supposed to balk at (gasp!) driving without a license.

(``Gosh, Harold, now that we`ve dropped out of school, we don`t have any homework tonight and we don`t have to get up early in the morning, either. Let`s go buy some beer with your false ID, borrow a car off the street somewhere, drive up onto one of the overpasses and toss cement blocks down on traffic going under.``

(``No can do, Helen. I don`t have a driver`s license.``)

Give me a break.

DUMB AS A BUCKET OF BOLTS

And when it comes to your average solicitor of sex-for-pay sevices, the hypothesis is even shakier. Here we have an individual who has not been deterred by the threat of arrest, by threat of a 60-day jail sentence, by the threat of a $500 fine, by the threat of public ridicule, by the threat of spouse or employer getting seriously annoyed, by the threat of street violence, or by the threat of a sexually transmitted death sentence.

And here, we are asked to believe, is a person who is rational enough to swear off prostitutes when threatened with the loss of a driver`s license, but not quite rational enough to think of getting out of the car before making the deal instead.

(``Hey, you there in the Chevrolet. How would you like some sex-for-pay services?``

(``Needless to say, I have no idea what you`re talking about. But if you wait a minute, I`ll pull into a parking place and get out of the car, after which we can discuss your fee schedule.``)

Give me another break.

There`s no denying one thing, though. The powers that be are serious about this. In the event of a second offense in either category, or if you`re caught soliciting prostitutes while skipping school, they take away not only your license but also your car.