“what else is there to say that wouldn’t just make it worse?”

January 7, 2013

Is this what sex is, and I’m only just now noticing? Do we mostly just lie back and sort of try to get off and try not to trip the other person’s neuroses and pretend like it’s all good enough and maybe even rapturous and hope that it all works out or gets better? I realize that most of my sex is transactional, which by its nature as a service means that the focus is often (and often rightly) on creating a good experience for my client, but these men have wives and lovers, and can they possibly be fucking them any better than they fuck girls like me?

I’m just one girl, in one corner of the world, but I’m sad at where sex feels like it’s headed. In work, and in my personal life, I see more and more men who don’t take care of themselves. Men who want a girl who is slender and kempt, manicured and coiffed, made up and dressed up and sexually experimental, but they come to the table exhausted and overweight and neurotic and medicated until they can’t only not connect with their lover to find some kind of unity… they can’t even make their bodies carry out their biological imperative without incident.