Holiday Songs Corrupting Christmas

Real nice. Let’s teach infidelity to our children. Apparently Mommy had “Daddy Issues” growing up that she’s targeting older men to work out those repressed memories. Guess it beats being a stripper.

Frosty the Snow Man –

— Weren’t we taught not to talk to strangers as a kid? Enough said.

Santa Claus is coming to town –

— Fair warning that a Peeping-Tom will be stalking every move you make to know if you’re naughty or nice. Then give treats in a stocking and gifts if you do what he wants. “Be a good little kid and get in the tinted window van now. I have lots of candy and a puppy for you!” That is if he doesn’t find you in the mall first so you can sit on his lap for a cheap thrill.

We three Kings of Orient Are –

— Leave it to dudes to shop. Bringing the baby frankincense and myrrh to give him a potpourri asthma attack. Not to mention gold to choke on. And how long did it take them to get to Bethlehem following that star? Pfft… And people say women are bad with directions. Geez.

Up on the Housetop –

— Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick huh? Oh, so now we’re acceptable of breaking and entering. I suppose it is ok being a reverse scenario and he’s bringing instead of taking. Except the whole cookie thing snatching the treats.

The Twelve Days of Christmas –

– What kind of values is this teaching? Condoning greed and buying ones love. Just wrong I tell ya. Not to mention with this method, you’ll need to take a second mortgage out to buy all this crap.

Little Drummer Boy –

— That’s a real smart idea. Let’s bang a drum in a new born baby’s ear so he cries and cries and has anxiety. I’m sure Mary totally appreciated that. You have no gift to bring, so you choose to perform a rock concert for poor kid?

I’m sure there are more songs I can tear apart, but I won’t because you’ll be cracking up if you try to go out singing Christmas carols now.