Deep thoughts, cheap shots and bon mots ...

-- Tiger Woodswithout a single Nike swoosh? How do we know that wasn't a stunt double?

-- I'm not begging Tiger to do a Q-and-A with the media. What would we ask? OK, I can think of two questions: One, on a heroism scale of 1 to 10, how far above 20 was Elin for rescuing you from the flaming wreckage with that two-iron? Two, in your first tournament back, what is the over-under on hecklers caddie Steve Williamswill strangle?

-- One more: We heard the recent confession of Sean Payton. Did you ever sleep with the Vardon Trophy (PGA scoring average leader)?

-- I won't waste space here "grading" Tiger's apology. But I will give him high marks for somehow managing not to use the phrases "move on" and "put this behind me."

-- Now we can get back to the real golf news: Whatever happened to Ernie Els?

-- Here's why Tim Lincecumwould have been a slam-dunk to win his arbitration: His agent would walk into the hearing, hand the arbiter a piece of paper containing the Giants' roster, with batting stats, and walk out.

PONTE VEDRA BEACH, FL - FEBRUARY 19: Tiger Woods makes a statement from the Sunset Room on the second floor of the TPC Sawgrass, home of the PGA Tour on February 19, 2010 in Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida. Woods publicly admitted to cheating on his wife ElinNordegren but maintained that the issues remain "a matter between a husband and a wife." less

PONTE VEDRA BEACH, FL - FEBRUARY 19: Tiger Woods makes a statement from the Sunset Room on the second floor of the TPC Sawgrass, home of the PGA Tour on February 19, 2010 in Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida. Woods ... more

Photo: Pool, Getty Images

Photo: Pool, Getty Images

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PONTE VEDRA BEACH, FL - FEBRUARY 19: Tiger Woods makes a statement from the Sunset Room on the second floor of the TPC Sawgrass, home of the PGA Tour on February 19, 2010 in Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida. Woods publicly admitted to cheating on his wife ElinNordegren but maintained that the issues remain "a matter between a husband and a wife." less

PONTE VEDRA BEACH, FL - FEBRUARY 19: Tiger Woods makes a statement from the Sunset Room on the second floor of the TPC Sawgrass, home of the PGA Tour on February 19, 2010 in Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida. Woods ... more

Photo: Pool, Getty Images

Deep thoughts, cheap shots and bon mots ...

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-- In the first 2010 fantasy baseball rundown I've seen, at Yahoo.com, Lincecum is a unanimous (four-man panel) pick as the best big-league pitcher. Matt Cainis No. 21 and Brett Anderson 36.

The highest-rated Bay Area position player is Pablo Sandoval, No. 7 among third basemen. That's the position at which Sandoval's skills are best utilized.

-- Mavericks owner Mark Cuban is considering playing some home games in Cowboys Stadium. Great idea. And let's hold Olympic swimming events in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

-- I just want to be the lawyer who represents LeBron Jamesthe first time he bangs his head on Jerry Jones' video screen.

-- There is a move to vote the 1992 U.S. Olympic basketball Dream Team into the Basketball Hall of Fame. The vote here: No. The Hall of Fame is for heroic deeds, not pretty team photos. That team won its eight games by an average of 43.8 points. When your most enduring image is Charles Barkleyelbowing a 180-pound Angolan, "heroic" isn't the word that springs to mind.

-- However, for the Olympics Hall of Fame, I nominate Bob Costas' hairdresser. That little shank o' hair that hangs in Bob's bangs is a work of art.

-- The big-buzz pitchers this spring will be Aroldis Chapman of the Reds and Stephen Strasburgof the Nationals, because they can bust 100 mph. So why is it no big deal when so-so fastballer Madison Bumgarner, over the last year or so, loses 3 or 4 mph?

-- Potholes bring the Daytona 500 to a screeching halt. Come on, let's do some real NASCAR racing. Proposed: The New York 500, through the streets of the city, in stock taxicabs.

-- Shawne Merrimanand Tila Tequila have settled their dueling lawsuits out of court, which is a huge relief. You'd hate to see those kids tarnish their reputations.

-- Fashion tip, gleaned from watching the AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am: There is not a man whose appearance isn't improved with a white belt.