Apr 21 "see the problem with y'all males is..."

Now that my title has weeded out the weak; good morning, good afternoon, good night. I’m here to talk about these Twitter Niggas.

Every social network speaks its own language, and it seems Twitter’s mother tongue has always been shit-talking. One would think that Black Twitter at the very least would serve as a safe haven from all the ignorance. But alas, whose voice booms loudest over the crowd? Black men.

To quote one of my favorite people in the world, Kai Davis, “I love Black men. But I love Black men enough to hold them accountable.” I personally will go to bat in defense of Black men on a number of topics, often times bending my own morality to make room to excuse some of their behaviors. However, when I say Twitter Nigga, I am referring to a very specific demographic of Black men that exists in the murky depths of Black Twitter, waiting to pounce any time a Black girl sneezes too loud.

Not long ago, a debate was sparked on Twitter about whether or not it’s appropriate to take a date to Red Lobster. It originated from a tweet by a Black woman implying that she would not be satisfied with a man taking her on a date to Red Lobster. Now mind you, I myself am always down to fuck up some cheddar bay biscuits under any circumstances. But the backlash that followed had an interesting undertone. Twitter Niggas came from far and wide to humble this woman for asserting her preference in the type of man that she dates. Had she no manners? Had she not known to be grateful for any and all things bestowed upon her by the almighty Twitter Nigga? Had she not learned that she is worth exactly one basket of biscuits? Questions that needed answers.

If you don’t want Red Lobster? Do you girl. Time and time again, I have seen men, particularly Black men, belittle and berate Black women on Twitter. Even when addressing us without an ounce of respect, we are expected to be grateful for being acknowledged at all. They have even dubbed Black women that dare speak in defense of themselves, “Shea butter Twitter.” And of course, they do this thing:

“See the problem with y’all females is…”

“Listen up ladies...”

“If women would just…”

Corny. Tired. Ashy.

You may read the above and think “Hmmm, that’s not so bad. Black men are entitled to their opinions, and it sounds like they are just trying to help!” But here’s the kicker: Who asked? Who EVER asks? And why must yours ALWAYS be louder than mine?

My problem with the opinions of Twitter Niggas is that they are largely unsolicited, asserted as fact, and almost always insulting. Men have been brought up in a world that has them believe the sun does not rise or set without their say-so. Anything that points to the contrary is treated as blasphemy. This manifests in the way they speak their minds, especially when talking to or about women. Refuse their advances? You’re a hoe. Assert yourself? You’re a bitch. Have a preference in anything? You’re ungrateful. It seems there is no way of pleasing a Twitter Nigga outside of laying down flat and inviting him to walk all over your face. But I, my friend, have found the cure.

Laugh. Hard and often.

I used to raise my blood pressure scrolling through the ignorance of Twitter Niggas, wanting to bite my phone in half at all the trash they spoke over the voices of Black women. Now? They are my favorite jokes. I take power from them every time I close the app, drink water, moisturize my scalp, and hold fast to my own opinions with or without their approval. I will not bend to the whim of somebody who is at their most powerful when trying to step on me in 140 characters. I commend anybody that has the patience to clap back, you are necessary and I am your biggest fan. But to Twitter Niggas everywhere, I say this: