Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I wrote a post calling out two friends that I talked about on a previous blog...

I want to say sorry to both of them!!!!

I took out my anger on both of them, instead of pointing the finger at myself. I'm a hard learner and it takes me a while to understand the whole situation. As I saw it I buried myself emotionally into this paranoia pit of either your with me or against me. Tsk Tsk Tsk!!

And that is the wrong kind of thinking right there, I will admit it!!

Things have insanely changed in the business, and I have to learn to roll with the punches. I'm an old fossil compared to newer models, standards have changed and the bottom line of it all, is that this Recession is a motherfucker!!!

My views about the racism in the industry will stand!! .

My views on Safer sex/HIV+ models in the industry, I will stand behind that 100% so that will never change as well..

The blog is about Diesel, so I will put the focus on him and I will reveal his secrets:

I'm insecure about the body(You knew that already)

I'm insecure about my looks(that is easy one as well)

I'm insecure about the direction of my so called career(Hot Topic!!)

Finally I came to terms with things, either I walk away quietly and fade away. Or I step up the game, quit my job and go all out and become an American pornographer.

The latter frightens me!!!!

That is the honest truth!! Totally scares the shit out of me!!! Every single trigger of my "Issues" would be pushed to the utmost limit. I'm scared I will be mentally abused and crippled by my own hands, worrying about "Some" creation of mine and seeing if it would be successful and groundbreaking!! The pressure of putting my mouth to business and doing something other than getting in front of the camera(which is easy)playing "Mister Sexy", and putting my ego aside and accepting help!

Would probably drive me mad!!

I'm such a control freak, I would have to oversee everything!!Yikes!! Literally just thinking about making such a leap, triggers a slight panic attack!! My heart starts racing and I start to lightly gasp for air...

It's easy to judge all the Studios/Sites and say you need to do this or that. Finger pointing is easy!! It's easy to dictate what other people need to do in this business, I figure they have the money and resources but lack the direction and motivation. But Diesel you are not in their shoes, so do you really know what it takes to run a successful business??

Sure your a popular performer, blogger, personality..But you like to do alot of finger pointing, try running a business yourself!! Such a scary thought.....

Or survive doing what your doing now!! Which is nothing!! Standing Still!!

I had big time issues watching all the other models work, while I sat bench(I have a real job as well)I will admit it, I was jealous and just reading online about this model or that model working and working!! Just made me have issues I was like

"I'm a better performer than that model"

"I would have played that part better"

"Why does that model get to work with that model?? I wanted to work with that model for years???"

Growl Growl Snap Snap!!!

My competitive natural, wanted me to get out there and show up some of these models that perform badly. My insecurities kept compelling me to do more as a model, like I still had something to prove. Model Model Model

I spent so much time worrying about my modeling career, that I shot myself in the foot from doing other projects. Website/Studio, Directing, Promotion,bah bah bah

And since I shot myself in the foot, I'm holding onto all the resentment of I should be doing this or that at this point of my career. I look at Eric Rhodes, Steven Cruz, Damien Crosse, Barrett Long, Jeremy Hall and others that came into porn and I see what they are doing now and I'm flat out jealous!! But I can only blame myself for being too scared to dive in and make it happen.

Instead of taking responsibility for my own career, I was quick to blame other people. I would think things like "It's this Studio/Site fault that I'm not there directing, they don't see my talent other than modeling" Like someone owed me a job in this business just because I'm Diesel Washington...

That is totally self absorbed, ego driven stuff working in my head, and it doesn't work like that outside of my head though, and this is the real world!! Wakey Wakey!!

Filled with resentment thinking the industry owes me something, not good. Added to the resentment is the hate energy that was being transferred to me by every day living and lets face it the Haters!!

Ummm Wake up Diesel!!!

You reached that Superstar status already, you won the awards you got all the nominations you have pretty much gone as far as you can go just being a model.

Simply put......I'm scared to go further!!

But I made a promise to myself:

1st year I wanted to win Best Newcomer(I got nominated)

2nd year I wanted to win Best Performer(Won Hottest Cock)

3rd year I was to win Best Performer cause didn't win 2nd year(I won this time and retired)

4th year(Unretired) I wanted to open the door for other Men of Color performers(Won Best Supporting Actor) but didn't open the door and I failed in my attempt

I kick myself in the ass everyday thinking about it.....

I see so many black models doing low budget or bareback porn because the door is not open on the mainstream side of porn. I can imagine all the models trying to break through the door and being told they don't have the right look for gay porn and getting turned away. It happened to me when I tried to get through the door.

Even now some Studios/Sites use that same bullshit line with me, even though I have proven my scenes sell.

You see???? I go right back into talking about my modeling career instead of staying on the main topic. I have to look further than just having a successful modeling career......

The deadline I gave myself for making the decision if I want to jump into the fold was Dec 12 of this year.

Hence the reason why I'm ending the "Crimes Against Nature" blog, it was do or die!! So with regret......

If I can't put out, then I shut down!!!

Nothing worse then a porn star who doesn't know when to quit!! It was a good ride, the blog was created to chart the progress of a nobody.

Take that nobody!!!

And make him into Diesel Washington world famous porn star!!!

I did that!!

The story is over!!!

Again sorry to my two friends!!! I wasn't being a friend to you because I couldn't see through the jealousy, being scared, self absorbed, and insecure.

I don't know what it is about this guy!! He is fucking hot to me!! This is to me is what "The Guy lives next door" type looks like. It's a relaxed kind of hotness!! He is not trying to be a muscle god, but he is in shape and trim. He is not trendy or flashy with the hair,its short and cropped.

I LOVE THE MOUSTACHE!!!!

Rugged good looking, and for some reason I love the facial hair. This guys looks like he stepped out of a time warp from the Golden Era of porn. Bushy moustaches and beard wearing models like the God, Al Parker(Google)Whew!! This was the "Clone" look(popular in 70's/80's) that would later inspire the "Bear" look (rugged, masculine)

Believe it or not young ones, the moustache look was hot!!! That look made stars out of Burt Reynolds and Tom Selleck

Oddly enough Kyle is 20years old(I know I was like Huh as well)

In my head:

I could imagine Kyle as this kid that wanted to get into porn, he didn't want to be a twink(skinny emo) he did not have a bodybuilder body, he doesn't have the fake tan with high lites pretty boy look.

So how to break into the industry and cause a buzz?

Ding Ding!!

Come in as a Throwback!!! Remind people of a time in porn when it was the "Golden Era". Such a classic look!!!

He looks like Falcon Legend Dick Fisk (Other Side of Aspen, SteamHeat, Champs)

Of course minus the lack of Chest hair, Tat and oh yeah a fucking huge dick!! But nevertheless he looks like a throwback!! And that is a good thing!!

Dick Fisk??

Wow I went back in time, most readers and fans probably have no clue who Dick Fisk is.

Or Al Parker..

Please Google them!!

This is classic Falcon!!

People you have no clue how much porn I used to watch!! Maybe you now realize how much I love this industry!!! I followed this industry so closely!! I watched the classics over and over studying the Legends(Performers)in the business.

I sound crazy I know, but I am a big dicked top!! Before I came into the game I studied all the big dicked tops Past/Present. I watched the performances looking for:

How you showed off your big dick

Watching the strokes of the tops, hard/soft/long/hard/deep

What positions when fucking the bottom showcases the top

How to control the bottom

Seeing that give and take energy, between the top and bottom

Bah Bah!!

Okay as you can tell I did alot of homework before coming into this industry, maybe alittle too much homework. A black guy from Brooklyn should not know all of this.....

Unless he was deadly serious about coming into this industry, so he did his history of popular looks in gay porn. I took note of what was popular at the time and studied the different looks of the models over time(Black/White/Latin)

Hmm.. maybe I'm the only one that does that???

When you go to a job interview, do you not study the history of the company that your applying for??

It's just good business, I did not walk into this industry blind looking to make a quick buck and run.

There is a line calling LiL Kim a Has been!!! When interviewed about the track Nickie denies that the track was a Diss at LiL Kim. Hmmm??? Okay. We all know the difference between a Diss track and putting out music. This was clearly a Diss track!!

Well LiL Kim came with her own lyrics at Nickie Minaj and here that goes!!"

My take in the whole battle, I have to side with LIL Kim!!!

Nickie Minaj has some good music granted I will not take that away from her. But we are talking about Hip Hop here!!! Nickie Minaj appeals to the younger crowd that was not around when LiL Kim was rocking hard in the 90's.

This issue of age and what an Artist is doing now, seems to be fueling this battle!! LiL Kim was the first to do it, she brought hard lyrics and a new sex appeal to the game. Most female rappers before LiL Kim came on the scene with an almost masculine look to them(hoodies, baggy jeans, and a very manly swagger) LiL Kim came along exposing her breasts, skin tight clothes and embraced the feminine side in her look and performances while keeping the lyrics hard!! She was the first to it and do it well. LiL Kim has big time street credibility

Nickie Minaj is more Pop music than Hip Hop!! She is backed by a younger generation that were probably little kids when Kim first came out. So they have no idea that Kim opened the door for artists like Nickie Minaj.

That is the biggest problem I see with the younger generation. There is no respect nowadays everybody is going for Self!! My time is now!!! I want the spotlight!!! ME ME ME!!

An older Artist knows when to pass the torch, they pass the torch to someone who is their equal, or to another artist who is talented and the future of music/sports/entertainment bah bah bah

LiL Kim is the Queen of Hip Hop!!! Nickie Minaj doesn't deserve any titles yet...... she hasn't put in the work yet or withstood the test of time. Anybody can make a hit, the key is to make Hits!!

Hmmmm???? I can relate some what!!!! Nobody can replace Diesel Washington!! All you young models can try.....

At the end of the day, these young models can call me Has Been!!! But they will never achieve the success I have and never will.....

I rocked on top for five years and still going strong!! I complain about not getting work alot, that is true!! Regardless if I'm working or not, my impact on Gay porn will be felt for years and years. That is something the Industry/Haters can never take from me.

First off the bat, I trusted two people that I THOUGHT were close to me. I worked with one person that was suppose to help me get a Dildo deal. I flew out to L.A. filmed a solo jerk off scene, I was then molded for a dildo. It was all for a package deal that I was working on for the last year. I finally find out that deal has been shelved because my "Friend" quit his job with this "Company". I called my friend to find out what happens now, his response "Sorry I don't work there anymore, not sure what they will do, but I had to move on for myself" Good for you Bud, take care of yourself, but now my Dildo deal is shot(I got paid for it though)I wanted something I could make residue money off of, now Epic Fail. Argh!!

The second person I trusted, told me they worked out two scenes for a popular website. When I contacted this person about the scenes, everything was a go. Months went past and still nothing was arranged. I even told this person due to my Grandfathers passing(I had to bury him, my money)I was in need of money(I was put in the hole big time). Then I found out recently that the scenes were canceled because the site is now broke. I don't know if this is the truth or not because I know for a fact that the site is still filming scenes. I just can't trust anybody anymore!!

People say that fake line "Love ya Bro" but then fuck you over!! I'm so tired of this bullshit!!! I'm becoming jaded and bitter because time after time I have to keep jumping hurdles to get things done. The haters make my job hard, but now so called friends are getting into the act now???? *Sigh

So here are some jaded and bitter views I have about the industry.

Things I have learned about this business:

IT'S BUSINESS SO DON'T TAKE IT PERSONAL!!!

You ever heard that??? That usually comes from the person that is about to fuck you over for what ever reason. Now I know what your saying, that line does not go that way.

It's Nothing Personal, It's Only Business

When its said like this, there is compassion being shown. In my line, there is no such thing, it is what it is. Cut throat and primal almost animal like, this industry runs on a never ending supply of fresh models. The recession is fucked up, so everybody who thinks they have a hot body and big dick is getting into porn.

And then...

Never trust anybody(that goes without saying), people in this business will sell you a bridge if it's only to feed their pocket. The rule of thumb, is that people want to be able to trust you, but at the same time you can't trust them!! They want to know all your personal business and what happens in your private life, but in return give little of their own lives, so it's not a fair trade off.

I remember one time on set, I was talking to "Someone" about deep stroking and I know they are a bottom(they told me)so I ask "Your Bf pounds the shit outta ya???" his reply "Well that's private you know? I don't bring my love life into the work place"

I was like "Ummm OKay, you just watched me plow that boy's butt, But Okay..?"

Now I could draw alot of conclusions from his statement, but the bottom line. He was at work and he keeps his personal life separate from work. I can respect that, I didn't understand that at first. But to be a model you must accept the fact that your personal life and sexual history will come into play once you decide to become a model.

When you model:

Your asked your position, Top/Vers/Bott

Likes and Dislikes

Tested for HIV/STD's and that testing history is recorded and filed away(Oh yeah!)

Any info you write on Blogs/Facebook/Myspace/Twitter all public record now

Any info on Dating/Hookup sites all public record now

I have seen alot of stuff in this business, people using recorded convos for evidence(naming names)email exchanges, nothing is off the table. The worst thing I ever saw, Gossip Bloggers revealing the HIV status of models. That is lower than low. There is no trust or respect for any ones privacy anymore!!

When you model you have to give up your privacy, people working within the industry(behind the camera)get to keep their privacy, maybe its time that all changed???

If the dirty laundry of some of these BTS people were made public, they would have alot more sympathy for what the models go through daily...

Moving on...

Someone that is your friend today, may wind up a enemy down the road! Fame and Success has a way of changing people, people who came into the Industry humble at first, after tasting that spotlight, they become Divas and get allittle out of control. In my case, I thought I had a number of "Friends" and when things got hard these same people turned their back on Me. That is something I can never get too mad about because I know the only person that I can trust is myself. It saddens Me though, because I came into this business with my heart on my sleeve. Has success changed me??

Hold out for as much money as you can, models stop selling yourself short. The Studios/Sites make a killing off your image and likeness so you should "Stick it to them" for as much as you can. The footage will be around long after your porn career is over...use some principles of the Jason Crystal theory.

Jason Crystal Theory

Tell all the companies that your a newbie looking to break into the industry

Change hair colors often, giving yourself a different look

Start out as a Bodybuilder, then go to Jock and vice versa

Start out strictly top and then bottom here and there

Do condom and then bareback and then go back to condom then back to bareback(If your hot the industry does not care)

Write emails to companies looking for more work, when they say your overexposed, laugh and say you made $50,000 dollars and why stop now.

When the gay porn industry is tired of you, then you go and do str8 porn

When the Str8 porn industry is tired of you, then you go do gay porn

Well to be honest, do not use any of those methods. They are being used by other people, so don't be a copy cat.LOL

Moving on...

Stop sleeping with Producers, Directors, Casting People, Agents, bah bah bah thinking that you will get you ahead. That is pretty much trashy!! I have no respect for those models!!YOU KNOW WHO YOUR ARE!!! You're already giving the company/studio/site your image to use on posters and in DVD's and scenes. WHY THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO SLEEP WITH SOMEONE FOR FREE? I guess I'm old school, I look for the money over favors(Party/Non Party)cash rules everything around Me(Sorry WuTang I had to borrow that). Someone who gives sexual favors for a "IN" Yuck!!! I rather hang out with the two dollar whore!! At least they charge, they don't give it away on a promise of making it big!! That is a pipe dream!! Well maybe that is harsh to say...

Some porn stars are sluts and will have sex with anybody for free because that is the way they are, just sluts!!

I'm an Escort/Hooker/Whore(whatever)I get paid to get naked!! If someone came to me saying "I have this part in a movie I want you to play but you have to fuck me first" I would say "Cool, Look me up on Rentboy.com, call me up and we can arrange some play time" if they don't get the hint. Just clearly state "If you want to have sex with me, I would have to charge you as an escort" period.

This business is small everybody talks, they are probably talking right now! The big wigs are sitting at a table talking about all the boys they fucked for free over the years. They are laughing at all the cute boys who THOUGHT they had to sleep their way to the top!! Too bad everybody at the table is 40+ and the models WE are laughing at are twenty somethings....

But the old dogs are doing it too, I have seen some old timers pushing up on producers for "Favors" nothing surprises me anymore in this business. If you don't think the people that you slept with(to get ahead) is not making a profit off your services then your dead wrong. They got a piece of your ass or dick, and still got paid in money off your services..... Come on think about it!!

The person who said they can hook you up, gets a piece of your ass or dick. They give you the introduction to the Company/Site owner, director or whatever...

You don't think they are getting a Finders fee??? Or flat out asking you for a piece of your first check. Or both!!

I'm trying to help out the younger models here, FUCK THAT CASTING COUCH!!!

I like Eurocreme, they make some good stuff over there. I was shocked to see this release. I tell you, if I didn't patent signature moves I would be raped in this business.

Over and over I see models using everything I brought to this industry. My interview style, blogging style, sex positions and I'm flattered I really am. But nobody is giving me props for using my shit!!!

Love you Eurocreme but I think your models have seen some of my scenes. Love the cover of Farmboy but looks familiar.....

I took a poll in a earlier post, if people wanted me to do a booty shaking Vid. I usually keep the poll open until it reaches 100 people. Well in two days(yes that fast)people voted 81% in favor of me doing a Booty shaking Vid.

So I will be filming that this week, I asked you to pick out the music as well. Only 60 people voted in that poll, I guess HIP HOP is not every bodies favorite music but at least you were given a choice of the type of music I would dance to. The winner Nicki Minaj.

Some people may say "Look at Diesel, asking his fans if he should do a booty shaking Vid. How sad!!"

To that I say.......

I have the best fans in the world, and they have stuck by me through thick and thin. So anything I can give back to them, for all these years of supporting me. I will do it!!! Some porn stars don't understand that its your fans that make you into a name. A brand!!! No matter if times get tough, your fans are the ones that support you. They feel your pain and go through the struggle with you.

I bet I know what is going on BTS on that David Forest story. Egos got smashed and hammered! People scared about lawyers, people scared of the press. Pissed off bloggers having to unpublish a story. Alot of phone calls and emails going back and forth!! Some angry and down right rude exchanges between people....

These last few weeks have been highly entertaining in the blogging world, the battles are endless....

I have been through a ton of those battles(back in the day), it really just drains all your energy sometimes. What blogger wants to write a story with handcuffs on??? The whole creative process is lost and then every time you write a post, you have to worry about who your going to piss off this time???

Been there and done that.......

Speaking of which, how come when you go to alot of these Studio/Site MODEL pages, you know when they ask if you want to be a model???

On all the forms they say EQUAL OPPORTUNITY EMPLOYER, yet when you look over the years of productions released, the only models casted are Young, White, Jockish??? Out of twenty productions, there is only one scene(or two)either featuring a lite skinned latino, or black guy.

So are you telling the Men of Color models "Yeah we say we are Equal Opportunity Employer, but we really hire only white models" I mean.... Instead of implying it, might as well just put it in jump street. Just say we are looking for white models between the ages of whatever and whatever, and call it a day. I mean lets be real, anyone can look over your track record, and see all your productions.

I mean it kinda of insults the intelligence of people "To say one thing, but do another..."

Anyway......

I have one more thing to say.

I see alot of companies coming up with newer promotion tactics to drive more people to their sites. Coming up with newer ways to put out scenes, all the hype of "Running that Machine"..

Could I suggest something....

You have huge communities of Men of Color(Black, Asian, Latin, Indian)who have been feeling ignored and under exposed in the gay porn industry(for years). Those guys have money as well, but do not want to spend it on a company/site that does not represent them and at this point of time.....

Don't even respect them.

Society has changed so much, yet Gay porn seems to be standing still. I say it this way because I get emails, comments everyday from fans tired of seeing what is going on time after time. Technology is coming so fast that communication is in nano seconds now!! While on set you send pics via Twitter about scenes, people are editing quicker and putting out the footage alot faster, Sites have weekly updates. And the gossip blogs are almost real time now, when someone hears some juicy gossip its put up online before the person spilling the "T" can finish the sentence coming out of their mouth.

Fans can read tweets, fans can read status updates, read your blog, read your website. So its easy to chart a trend, and study the casting process that people use. Cast people and reflect what is happening in society today. Alot of the scenes, being filmed.

Hmmm I guess no black, latin, asian(whatever)go to college???

There are no Men of Color doctors, lawyers, construction workers.......the list is endless.

So this is the update, when I went the GayVns I was in the best shape of my life. I really trimmed down just for definition, at the same time I think a gave away too much muscle. I packed on some muscle so I just want to share that with the fans. I did this fast photo shoot, I didn't shave or get a hair cut. I wanted to update the blog with some pics of me cause I haven't done it in a long time. So I grabbed my camera, threw on some baby oil, set the timer and just took some quick shots!!

I have this thing for working out, I wouldn't called it being a gym bunny. I just like working out and changing my body to look like I want it to. I hate bringing in age in this discussion, but the older you get the harder it gets. Fuck all the people that think the results come from "Roids" that is a fucking cop out. I do the good ole fashion "Busting your ass in the gym" And of course I take supplements...

Anyway call me an Attention whore all you want!!!!

Five years in this game, and even though I'm Veteran in this game. I'm showing up some of these boys in this business..

I still have some more work in the gym to get even more ripped!! But I will say it again....

Fuck having a good body for a Man my age.........

I want a hot body for any age!!!

Hate doing this narcisstic, self absorbed, "Look at me I'm hot" kind of blog. But it is what it is...LOL

Sunday, November 21, 2010

You guys have sent email after email saying to ignore the haters, and go back to doing what I do best and that is making my observations about life.

Okay back to blogging.....

Hip Hop is universal now!!! I remember a time when Hip Hop was underground and actually called Contemporary music. I was twelve when I heard my first rap song, and that was Rappers Delight:

And then when I heard Roxanne by UTFO, I was hooked:

I used to Break Dance on the block and I ran with different crews back in the days. Hip Hop was mostly an inner city music thing, and it was huge in the black community. It was a reflection of the Hood/Ghetto/Projects, it was a style of dress, the way you walked, talked, it was just an attitude that you carried yourself with.

When Hip Hop went universal it was accepted by other communities and it became this "Thing" regardless of color, creed or whatever. It became a movement of expression and I still love it to this day.

I had a chance to see the birth of Hip Hop and seeing it reach this level that it is at is still strange to me. When you see the white boys in their trailer parks, dancing and rapping to their favorite Hip Hop artists I get a kick out of it. You see the Asian boys dancing and rapping and pop locking to the beat. I love it all!!

Now since I'm a Youtube head, I'm watching all the Vids that the boys are uploading nowadays. White, Asian, Latin, Indian bah bah, the boys are now uploading videos featuring them

Booty Popping!!!

Black girls booty popping is popular in the clubs, then you have the black boys starting to booty pop(Str8 and Gay)

Booty shaking!!! I'm a fan of bubble butts, so I'm staring at the new Vids of the boys shaking that ass. When did white/asian boys start to get flavor?, No offense but when I was growing up white boys and asian boys did not know how to dance like this or was able to shake ass like this

So this is for my White boys Booty popping, and they are starting to shake that ass Wow!!

Friday, November 19, 2010

Hmmm??? I'm confused it was reported(Queermenow/Queerpornnation)that Robert Axel was signed to Falcon. In a twist......

It has been announced that Robert Axel has signed with CockSure Men???? Hmmmm?? I hate to open a can of worms. But what happened here??? Seems like there is a back story here that I'm missing and I'm curious to know what happened???

There is a story for you Zach..

What happened to Robert Axel??? Falcon exlcusive and now he is Cocksure Men exlcusive. Is he a dual exclusive??? Or something happened???

If people don't know, this business has made me into a Paranoid Fuck! I get hundreds of emails from people not liking me, I get the death threat here and there(said that before)love emails, stalker emails(What you don't know?)

Stalker emails, are those emails I get from fans that have seen me around or walking in NYC. Riding the train, at the movies, shopping, out at dinner bah bah. I get emails from people saying:

Hey sexy, I saw you walking on 23rd st and 6ave, Wow your taller than I thought. Love the white t-shirt you were wearing, Anyway I saw you talking to some guy(He was cute)and I just have to say your Hot Hot!! I wanted to run up to you and tell you how much I love your movies. But I was scared, anyway I followed you to the store hoping to get your attention, but looked like you were in a rush and you jumped into a cab... Anyway just wanted to tell you, Your Hot!!

Innocent sounding email right??? The only thing that bugged me........

it was signed By Anonymous

Now this is where the bipolar thing comes in, one email I wouldn't mind as much, but I get ten of these a day. To be honest it creeps me out!! Makes me feel every time I step out the door, I have to be worried about if people are following me...watching...staring.

I can protect myself, that is not the part I'm worried about. It's just that nervous feeling of being watched. I guess that sounds crazy for a porn star, we are suppose to be exhibitionists, looking for the attention/camera you know what I'm trying to say..

I have always said that I'm not an exhibitionist, I'm a performer. A performer gets that thrill and energy, from the crowd if performing. I get the rush when the camera is on because I know I'm creating art! An exhibitionist loves to be watched, they want people to stare and watch them, on or off stage. When I'm off stage I don't want any attention..

I get plenty, I'm 6'6 235lbs and I stand out like a sour thumb. Everyday I have people(strangers) coming up to me asking "How tall are you?" "You play basketball??" "You play football?, you have the build"

And the stares from little kids, the little kids just stare right at you like your the biggest thing they ever saw, wide eyed holding onto their mothers leg for dear life. Me being the softy, I always look at the kids give them a big smile, wave at them and they give me this big ole smile in return. It's cute and I never want to give kids the impression that I'm this scary giant. I love kids, I'm a big kid myself so I can relate.

Back to the story....

I just think its creepy to get emails like that. Sorry I know its cute to some of you out there, but it comes off kinda of stalkerish.... Added to my paranoia is that I escort(part time)so I get calls all the time from creepy people, now these are not "Clients". Just creepy people that want to hear your voice and jerk off to it. When people are sexually charge, they will go all out without any regards.

The worst is when I get contacted by someone saying they met me, when they never did. They will go through your blog pick an event that I attended and say they met me there, and come up with this bullshit story to get info out of you. One of reasons I had to put extra security on my old AOL account. When they come up with the bullshit story, I ask for pics, so they ask to connect with me(Old school AOL)to send a pic, but instead of a pic they send a Virus.

Yes the assholes are like that....

Anyway I was contacted by Pierre Fitch, I didn't believe it was him. And I told him to go fuck himself!! I asked him when was the last time he saw me(Hustlaball)you know a test. He couldn't remember so I figured it was a faker and told him four times to go fuck himself.

I asked a reliable source who knows Pierre, and indeed it was his screen name

So I guess what I'm trying to say is...

Sorry Pierre.....

I thought you were a faker!!

Anyway there is a link above to Pierre Fitch's documentary, looks like he is getting a reality show. Good job Boss!!

Sorry again, I can admit when I make a mistake so I wanted to send that out to Pierre. And Pierre if you wonder why I didn't believe it was you online. Read above.

Oh and fuck you for not having me on your site, to rip open your ass! Diesel Washington putting the power to Pierre Fitch priceless..

The numbers are growing and people are starting to complain that they can't reach me on facebook. The first facebook page is under Terrance Ingraham.

I open another facebook page for fans under guess what????

Terrance Ingrahams

Yeah I know so creative...

Just putting out the word...

Also it has been brought to my attention Jace Jones did not die(still collecting data on that)I reported that Jace died, his agent said that Jace Jones facebook and blog was hacked, and in fact that he is alive and doing well..

I always wondered about the Diesel Washington/Crimes against Nature fans out there. Who are you guys/girls?? Why do you read this blog, or follow my work??. Why do you guys vote for me? Why do you even follow me??

I never answer your emails, I'm not putting out any recent scenes. I'm bitchy, catty, crabby and sometimes I'm down right miserable. My posts are filled with grammar errors, run on sentences, fragmented sentences. I don't put up a bunch of cock pics or constantly show off my body.

To this day, I still can't believe that I have people who actually read this blog. And then recently, I figured it out why people keep coming to my blog day after day to read this train wreck. I figured out why the Diesel Washington character remains so popular(and gaining everyday)and has such loyal and devoted fans. Lets run down the reasons why:

Besides being decent looking, with decent body and decent cock.

I represent the black guys, who are not thugs or ghetto and who are tired of that stereotype.

I represent the guys, who are tired of porno fucking without passion and intensity.

I represent the guys, who are tired of the gay for pay stars who constantly say they hate gay sex, and when they perform its lifeless and stiff and lack luster.

I represent the MOC community(Black, Latin, Asian, Indian etc)that are tired of being force fed models that don't interest us or represent us.

I represent the fans that are tired of the Studios/Sites that us throw images of gay sex that we don't agree with.

I represent the people who are tired of being ignored, when we spend our hard earned money on porn only to be told by Studios/Sites what is hot or not.

I represent a community that is tired of seeing the same tired formula that Studios/Sites use when casting for movies (young, white, jock types that all look alike)that same formula has been used for the last 15 years.

I represent that model that is tired of cut throats, ass kissers, brown noses that will step on anybody to reach the top.

I represent that blogger, that is a breath of fresh air. Blogs about the good and bad and has an opinion rather then follow what everybody else does.

I represent that model that reached the top through hard work and a fighters attitude. Rather then that model that slept his way to the top....

I represent that throw back model, when porn stars looked like porn stars, not that kid that was hired off the street and did a few scenes and want to call themselves a porn star.

I represent that model that doesn't ask for hand outs or pity from their fans.

I represent that model that has respect for himself, and goes and gets tested not only for him, but also for the models that he works with.

I represent for those older guys, that are still hot, and can run circles around some of these young boys doing porn today.

I represent that guy, that was told time after time, they didn't have the right look, or was told that this part wasn't right for them.

I represent that model that doesn't have major backing, a studio behind him or any sponsors or affiliates and still has a following despite that fact.

I represent that model regardless of the paycheck or payday will turn down scenes if I do not agree with the set up(bareback, thug, or doesn't fit the brand). Money does not rule my world.

I represent that new breed of model, that listens to his fans. Works for the fans and even though I'm not filming I still put out something for those fans to show that even though the industry is not embracing me. I embrace my fans because without them I might have given up a long time ago.

I represent that Str8 looking, masculine, strong type that is not afraid to display his sexuality. I'm not DL, a closet case, or ashamed of the fact that I like guys.

I represent that guy that is comfortable with his sexuality, and has a strong relationship and bond with his family. If my mother can come to Gay porn award shows with their son to show support. Maybe doing that will show other parents to love and support their children regardless of sexuality and what their child does for a living. Showing by example..

The industry does not understand, the more you try to bury me. The more popular I become because my fans will not let me die. I finally realized the fight is bigger than me, bigger than my career...

I'm just the figurehead that people support because I go against the grain. I know for a fact that some of the people that follow are not into me or my look probably not even sexually attracted to me. But they agree with the message I keep shoving down peoples throat.

Maybe if the industry took my words seriously, they would see greater sales. As I see it sales are going lower and lower, and the studios/sites have no clue why. It's not because of the Tube sites(as I once thought)its because your not listening to your fans and changing with society. Things have changed, but the older studios/sites feel they know whats right. Since they don't want to share the power or control or listen to models with their ear to the streets. They will be doomed to fail....

Ever wonder why sites like Randy Blue, Corbin Fisher, Sean Cody keep gaining in popularity??? Because they are starting to listen to fans...

The biggest example of this???

Dominic Ford, it started out as a website doing 3D movies. It had a slow start, and then it started changing its format and listening to fans. They put out the DVD, Whorrey Potter...

That DVD hit the stores and outsold some of the bigger studios work. It was groundbreaking and different just what the porn audience wanted..... Something different, with a diverse cast.....

I'm just sitting home, watching what is happening in Gay porn nowadays just shaking my head and saying "Well they don't want to listen, so they deserve everything that is happening"

As far as Diesel Washington goes???

I'm writing down everything the fans are telling me in emails, I'm writing down everything insiders are telling about what is selling and what is not.

I'm coming up with a plan........

Fans, Supporters, loyal readers we will have our day very soon. They are underestimating Diesel Washington, and they are underestimating the fans that buy their products.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I usually don't do rants about celebrities, you know like that gossip style of blogging...

I just want to say.....

Keep going Charlie, don't let the haters stop you!!! They are all a bunch of fucking hypocrites!!! Your haters are nothing but Women and Jealous people!! A rich famous single actor goes out, hires a hooker, and then his watch winds up missing???

I would have tore up the hotel room, I would have gone through the hookers purse(among other things)to look for that $100,000 watch as well. FUCK THAT!! People acting all shocked like he did something wrong!!!

If I was a rich, famous, single, actor I would be going out, partying, and hiring porn stars to come over to my hotel as well. Other people will lie and say "That is a horrible way to live and Charlie is out of control" Bullshit!! All my friends are saying "This is News???" Just because Charlie Sheen is doing these things is the main reason why I'm going to watch his show(Two and a Half Men)I never watched an episode, sounds like a cool dude to me. And being a fan of the show, I have to tell you, Art imitates Life. And that is exactly the character that Charlie Sheen plays on the show(in the early seasons)so.....

Not sure I can say I'm shocked!!

The only differences between Charlie Sheen and Diesel Washington, in that situation:

I am far from rich, I take the bus to public appearances(Remember that??LOL)and I'm suppose to be this Famous porn star(the economy is fucked up!! and I'm cheap!LOL )

Not only would I have gone through her purse, I would have done a body cavity search on that Bitch!!She is a porn star, she could probably fit a fist in that cunt! A watch...??

She could probably fit a watch, wallet, necklace, rings, credit cards, etc in that snatch of hers. Her legs would be up in the air and I would say to her "Sorry Baby, but daddy is going in there.."

And I wouldn't have hired a porn star, I'm too classy for that.....I WOULD HAVE HIRED TWO PORN STARS(two is enough for me LOL)

And of course I would have filmed it:

As a live show,

Take footage and VOD it

Then put it on DVD,

And just to be ghetto I would put it on a Tube site.

But that is what Diesel Washington porn star would do...

If Charlie Sheen ever did that.....

I would buy that DVD!! Another famous personality that dropped a sex tape...

Nowadays that is a rite of passage, if you want to be a Mega Star that is..

People always say "Diesel there is always drama with you" or "Drama always seems to follow you". Hmmm???? What is wrong with those statements above?

Diesel drama filled??? In reality, all the drama that happens with Diesel is contained on a blog where he rants about his life and the things that happen to him on this porno ride. Or that drama is on display on a twitter account, where people read my tweets when I have a Twitter melt down. So the only drama you hear about, happens online or on twitter. I talked to a few models in the business, and its always been the same thing, they say "Diesel your known for always getting into some kind of drama" and I say "Really???" Who told you I was all about drama??? and it's always the same thing:

I read on theSword about the drama you got into...

I read on your blog about the drama....

I read on Unzipped about the drama

I read on this blog or that blog....

So what I'm trying to say is, I known for my drama on blogs that people write about me. And where do the bloggers get their info from???

ME

Surprised??? I write the stories that the bloggers pick up, and report on! I'm the one that controls what info is being released about Diesel. You hear it from my blog, and other bloggers report it. I read on Diesel Washington's blog that this happened or that happened.

On one hand, people respect my honesty and love the fact that I'm upfront about things in my life. Then on the flip side, people are tired of hearing about the drama always going on in Diesel's life. So its confusing to me, do I stop being upfront and honest and withhold the experiences that I think can help other people?? Write that happy go lucky blog where everything is perfect and right in life?? Or I stick to the stories where I express myself, and share experiences that happened to Diesel(wheter bad or good)that really give you(the reader)an insight into the real life of a porn star??

Drama to Me, is something life threatening, involving the police, affects your family, messes with your money, or a situation that is life changing in a bad way.

When I write about things on my blog, I don't think they are drama!! I write rants, complaints, and bitch about things that bug me. I wouldn't call it drama. Differences I have with models/studios/sites are just that...

Differences in opinions, Disagreements, I speak about the things that bug and annoy me. I make observations about porn, people and things that happen in or out of the business. They are called Rants!!!

Drama is if I saw any of the haters that annoy me, and I get into a physical/verbal fight with them. Then get on my blog and say I kicked this models ass because he was talking trash about me. Then that would be drama....

So bitching and complaining on a Internet blog, is not drama. Drama is a word you use for serious issues!! Not for rants, Come on people!!!

I never understood that...

Ego

I have always said I had an Ego and it gets me into trouble sometimes, and sometimes my pride gets me into trouble as well. All porn stars have egos, I don't care how down to earth you think a performer is there is always an Ego there. You can't be a porn star without an ego, it either comes off as confidence or arrogance. I'm cocky and confident some people like that and some people don't. We all like having our Ego stroked from time to time. I can admit that openly, some models play that humble card, but behind closed doors some of them are Egomaniacs. We all want our names in lights, or to be the cover model, the headliner, the porn IT boy, most popular. So I'm not the only model to have ego, and def won't be the last either.

Words speak louder than actions(I thought it was the other way around??)

Words speak louder than actions, that has been the story of my career. My actions have shown, that I'm a good performer, promote safe sex, a good live performer, and I stay on top of my game in this business by continuing to put out hot scenes that sell. My youtubes are funny or entertaining and people like seeing them. At events I tend to be on the quiet side, and when most people meet me in person for the first time, they finally understand that Diesel Washington is a character onscreen and a writing persona that I assume when I write these posts.

My words however, that is a nightmare! When people read my blog, they come away with these notions that I'm an asshole, self centered, trouble maker and drama filled. People who have never met me already have an impression of me without even knowing me, they already prejudged me by a post of rants on a Internet blog.

Again people do not have the full picture of who the person is behind the character. I think I'm unfairly judged by people who think they know me by reading this blog. You people don't know me, you never had a lunch with me you never had a sit down talk with me. You never walked a mile in my shoes...

For gods sake you don't even know my real name......

So could you make a judgement about me when U don't know me.? Yes I have done the same thing I prejudge people sometimes. I get the wrong impression of some of the stars myself, so I usually ask reliable sources "Have you ever met this model and is he an asshole??? and then I make my judgements. I then go a step further and approach the model myself to get a feeling for the model. If I falsely judged a model, I will tell him directly "You know at first I thought you were an asshole, upon meeting you I find that not to be the case" "Sorry I thought you were an asshole man" I hate talking about people behind their back, I really do. Anything I say behind someones back, I try to tell them in person wheter good or bad. I hate rumors!!

But back to me...

I have heard tons of rumors about me(none of it true)and people listened to the rumors instead of going to source to find the truth for themselves. I try to be truthful as possible because I don't want to get caught in any lies. I'm tired of the lies and I'm tired of the games.

So I wish that people who never met me in their life, keep their perceptions of me in check until they meet me. I could careless if you like or hate me, but at least get the full story before you make that decision.

Lastly, do some people not like me because I'm upfront and honest about my feelings and express those feelings???? When I speak about the harsh truth, does that turn off some people?

So if I turn into a follower, ass kisser, act dumb and naive, stop causing waves, and sit there with my mouth shut like a good little boy. Throw my ideals out the window, allow myself to be used time after time. Write a happy go lucky blog where the world is perfect.

Would I work more??? probably.....

But fuck that....

I rather sell my dick for $250, whore and whore until I save up enough money to start my own business.

I know the readers and fans of the blog are getting tired of hearing me push the race issue in porn. It seems that I have been on the attack alot lately, and there is a reason for that.

I'm a porn performer by the name of Diesel Washington, and I love this industry! Despite all the name calling and finger pointing I really do love this business. This is the back story:

This is the tricky part, when I first came in the business I wanted to prove something to myself, that I could be as popular(or more popular)then some of my white counterparts. I was the guy that was tired of seeing black models playing the same part over and over. The only images that were around was that of the Thugs smoking weed in the projects, and fucking in the hood. Basically every title of the VHS tapes(back then)either had the words Thug/Ghetto/Homeboys and of course Black something in the text. I got so tired of that shit!!

Instead of bitch and complain, I took matters in my own hand and created Diesel Washington. I planned out an attack step by step to take this industry by storm.
Here are the steps:

Get my body in super shape that the Studios/Sites had to take notice of me.

Get familiar with all the popular directors and study their film style. For example, Brian Mills(Titan) is a master with lighting and shadows, Joe Gage(Titan) is more into the closeups and cut aways of the models, building tension between the models, Bruce Cam(Titan) known more for his landscapes, location shots.

Come into the industry with an open mind, be willing to try new things and expand your sexuality.

Develop your "persona" or "character", but at the same time stay true to yourself and your ideals.

I knew the road for Diesel Washington would be a hard one, so I prepared myself to work twice as hard as the next model.

Know your strengths and weaknesses, any part of the game that your weak in, fix it or hide it the best you can.

Be prepared to carry a stigma, long after your finished with the porn industry. Most people do not think about this after their porn career. I thought about it at the start...

You better be 100% committed to this business, because anything less than 100% is not good enough(that is my opinion)

So these are things I took in account before I even filmed my first scene. To attain the goals I had set for myself, I would have to work my ass off(that comes with everything in life)so I mentally prepared myself for the worst since Day 1.

Before I started with my career, I came up with the idea to start a diary to chart my progress. I thought it was a good idea, to have something where fans could see my humble start in becoming a World famous porn star. I never thought that my little blog would become this "Thing" it is today.

Since Day 1 starting this porn career, I would get Hate email from people trying to tear me down, or steer me off course. Some of the Hate email from back then were like this:

"You will never make it in the porn business, nobody likes Blacks"

"You will only be big in the Thug porn circuit"

"The white audience will never accept you, They don't like Niggers"

"Your looks will limit you in the business, you only appeal to a certain audience"Before I filmed my first scene, I was already getting Hate email. I ignored it and kept pushing forward. After some failed attempts to get into the business, I was ready to quit, maybe the haters were right!!!

One last try, I killed myself in the gym and put all my cards on the table. I was not going to quit, I had something to prove to myself. The haters were not going to stop me, in fact they gave me the energy to keep trying and trying.

Then I got that email from Titan that changed my life, they wanted to use me for a feature and that was the opening I needed. When I did my first scene for Titan, I was signed on the spot. THANK GOD!! Now I can put my plan into action.

My Model goals:

To be signed with a big studio. accomplished

I wanted to be a breakout star, I didn't want to be a scene filler or a background model. It was hard for Me, in my first roles with Titan I was a plug in for every threesome or group scene. My first movie was "Hitch" and it was a threesome, I figured that Titan didn't know how to market me at the time so I took to my blog and gave Diesel Washington a personality. Truth be known, Titan didn't want Diesel to have a blog, they wanted my character to be a mystery, I knew better and kept my blog.

Titan was working on a huge project with the Folsom Fair people, and this was my time to shine. It was a leather movie and it was geared for the fetish crowd, that was my chance to give a performance that would shock people!! I came in the best shape of my life, open minded to anything. I wanted to blow the socks off the director, and I gave all the energy I could in my scene. It was a four way and I knew I had to stand out in that scene or be forever lost in doing threesomes and group scenes. I had something to prove to myself and Titan, I had the raw talent but would the audience accept the Diesel Washington character, I even asked myself this.

That project was "Folsom Filth" it debuted at Folsom Fair 2006, and it became my breakout role and it was a instant classic.

Back on my blog, I broke the news that I was signed to Titan Media. The hate email came flooding in, and I couldn't keep up with it all. This time the hate email was even stronger and more personal.

"You won't make it, your Titans black bitch"

"The only reason they signed you was because they needed a Token black"

"You won't go far, your a Dred Scott wannabee"

"Titan is just going to use you and then throw you away like the black trash you are"I kept ignoring the hate email, and kept working on my craft. Nothing was going to stop me, I had the plan and I was just going to stick to the plan and not worry about the haters.

By 2007, "Hitch" "Folsom filth" "Cop Shack 2" were released and I was becoming popular within the Industry. Titan wanted to signed Me again and I accepted, in my second year I wanted to make to Porn history. I was known for my aggressive performances and balls to the wall intensity. But I wanted to go further and do things that people never seen before.

Back on the blog, I was getting attacked(hate email) even more now and it started getting way too personal for me. Emails were coming in like this:

"Diesel your nothing but a black stereotype"

"Diesel your White boy crazy, and your disrespecting your community"

"Diesel is suffering from selfhatered, and he doesn't like his own kind"

"Diesel your nothing but the White man's bitch"

I had only three movies under my belt, and I was being called "White boy crazy". People didn't understand I didn't have control over who were my scene partners. In fact it was hard casting models to co star with me. Alot of models were not into black guys, some models couldn't take the pounding or the aggressive style. At the same time I was getting tired of doing threesomes and group scenes. All the scenes I shot so far were threesomes or group scenes. I got the feeling that Titan didn't know how market me, and the Diesel character was not selling as it should. I had no way of knowing was I a popular star or not. I was getting alot of attention but was I selling???. At the 2007 GayVns and 2007 Grabbys I was nominated for Best Newcomer. sadly I didn't win but I was nominated.

Then came "Boiler" my first duo scene, I was ready for it. I wanted a performance that would open peoples eyes, no more getting lost in a group scene or waiting for my turn with a bottom in a scene. It was a good scene and I thought I was making progress.

"Boiler" was filmed late 2006, then I was benched on the sidelines for seven months. Here I was an exclusive model and I did without work for seven months. I sat on the bench while other models were working and working. I was given the excuse that I wasn't right for this movie or that movie. I was eager to perform and shoot some content, but still I thought Titan knew best and I sat on bench patiently waiting for my turn.

Back on the blog, I used the downtime to promote myself. I started doing youtubes and writing more personal stories, I did not want to be forgotten so I took to my blog and became an avid self promoter. Hate email kept pouring in, and I distanced myself from the bullshit and kept pushing. Now the emails were reading:

"Diesel your disgusting, pissing on guys your trash"

"How could you do scenes like that, you make African Americans look bad"

"Black Mandingo fucker"

"Bobby Blake Wannabee"

Finally I got the call from Titan, and it was for another big movie in the Folsom line. "Folsom Fear" and in the scene I was going to be paired with Francois Sagat, finally!! I wanted to work with him so bad, but it never worked out until now. The only problem with the scene was it was five man scene(now I felt I was going backwards)I took the role and I had to make sure that I stood out in the scene. I did this crazy water sports scene and pulled out a killer performance. It was a rape scene, so again I came with this overly aggressive style and performed my ass off. After "Fear" I filmed one duo scene for "Telescope" and that was the debut of the "Bully" position. I then filmed "Breakers" which was another threesome, I wanted the work so I didn't complain. And then I filmed another threesome(Geez)for the Telescope movie which was my over the top, double fisting and double footing(while peeing into my mouth at same time)I waited for my chance to shine. I gave two of the strongest performances in that "Telescope" movie, and I was promised that "Telescope" was my movie. ***When I was filming "Telescope" I was asked if I wanted to be apart of the Folsom Fair poster for 2008, I jumped at the chance it was for charity and it gave me the opportunity to add a Man of color to the poster. I was honored to be asked and I gave my time and energy to help out a good cause.***

Remember that because its important...

Now its 2008, I was invited to be a speaker at the Gay porn summit and speak on the panel. On the panel was Steven cruz, Howard from Fabscout, Chi Chi, Chris Ward, Jason Ridge, and M.L. all talking about the issues that we face in the porn industry. I went into detail about the lack of Diversity in the Industry, I even went head to head with M.L. some people probably forget that I was on that panel pushing hard for Diversity, but I was there!!! At the same time I was upset that I was not nominated for a 2008 GayVn, but it was okay I was there to party and at least I had a chance to get out the message for more diversity in front of my peers.

It's now March 2008 and I'm waiting for my movie "Telescope" to drop. I was excited, this was the first movie I did when I was the main character and story revolved around me. Oddly enough when "Telescope" was released I was in San Fran filming "Folsom Prison" at the same time. When I took a look at the cover of "MY" movie, I was standing to the right side of Rick Van Sant and it appeared that this was "His" movie. I was pissed!! I mean I lost it!!! I was angry upset and I felt that I was lied to. I sat on the bench for seven months without working watching all the other exclusives get role after role, and this movie was "promised" to me.

Now here I am in San Fran filming "Folsom Prison" I had a long sit down talk with
Brian Mills, I delayed filming my scene for at least two hours that day. I finally got over the issue and we filmed my scene for "Folsom Prison". I have to give a back story to that:

When I was told I would be filming a prison scene, my warning light went Danger Danger!! Back on my blog I was being called a Dred Scott wannabee(Remember?) When I heard I would be filming a prison scene, the first thing that popped into my head, "How is Diesel going to compete with the scene Dred Scott had in "Slammer" that is a classic!" Secondly I knew the African American community would have a field day with me, saying "Look at Diesel Washington, why does he have to pay a black guy that is locked up?" So I had to sit down and really think about the scene and the effect it would have on the African American community. It was another threesome(yes another one)with Bjorn Giger and Markus Ram. I emailed Brian Mills asking if I could write the "Treatment" for the scene, after some back and forth I got the green light. At first the scene was going to be Diesel and Markus Ram double teaming Bjorn Giger. I was like my name is going on this project, and I was not going to stand in the shadow of Dred Scott any longer. His role in "Slammer" was a classic and I wanted to do better. I wrote the treatment that the Diesel character was wrongly convicted and was about to be released from prison. Markus and Bjorn were to play sadistic guards that wanted to teach me a lesson. I put my body on the line and wrote the scene that I was to be tied up and worked over and pissed on, but somehow I would escape and have my revenge on the guards. It worked out well and turned into a big hit!! It was also the first time I was paired with another black model, something I was happy with.

Back on the blog, the haters lashed out at me again:

"Diesel even though you did a scene with a black model, your still "White boy crazy"

"Markus Ram is not black, he is whiter than you"

"You finally do a scene with another black model, why did it have to be so aggressive??"

"Even though u did a scene with a black guy, you didn't kiss him, or make out with him why is that??"

That is another reason why I'm so angry, people saying I'm only into white guys. I keep saying over and over I'm into all types!! Geez!!At the same time what does the type of guy I'm into, have to do with my porn career?? And according to the type of guy I'm into, that effects the fans decision wheter to like me or not? I never understood that?

I can never make the fans happy, they always have complaints about this or that. At the same time, I tried to not let the "Telescope" cover eat me alive. The more I looked around online, and the more I got pissed. Titan was selling the movie as "Telescope" starring Rick Van Sant, Fransico Sagat, Damien Crosse and Diesel Washington....

I flipped!!! I couldn't take it anymore, I wrote a post about the "Telescope" cover saying I was suppose to be front and center because it was my movie and I was upset that I was not. TheSword picked up my story and ran with it. Well Titan didn't like the story that theSword ran about the "Telescope" cover, but soon after all the blogs picked up the story about the "Telescope" cover and without knowing it, I got that movie huge press and it sold like hot cakes. Story Here

The after effects of me writing that post, were not so good. Yes it brought alot of attention to the movie and the scenes, at the same time Titan was pissed at me that I aired the "Dirty Laundry" so much that:

Titan didn't want to renew my contract

Now they didn't trust me and just wanted me to finish my contract and be gone.

I did damage control, and put a spin to the story but Titan was not having it and I kinda burnt that bridge with them. It was at this time that "Folsom Prison" was released and was a Mega Hit!! Early reviews came in and people loved my scene in the movie and Titan even gave me writers credit for my role in the movie(First time in Titan history)but the damage was done by the post I wrote for the "Telescope" movie.

My contract was up April 2008 and I still had two scenes left to do. I worked out a deal with Titan that if they invited me to IML and Folsom Fair I would stay on as a unofficial exclusive, finish out my scenes and still promote the Titan brand. I filmed "Double Standard" my first romantic scene and that was big for me. I wanted to change the pace from this aggressive fucker and show a different side to the camera and my fans. There were some "complications" but I remained professional and did my job. I again asked Brian Mills if I could do the treatment on this scene and I was given the green light. I wanted the movie to have the feel of 9 1/2 weeks and it worked out very well...

***Now its the 2008 Grabbys/IML and I'm working the Titan booth at IML, the poster for the 2008 Folsom Fair was released at this time(remember me devoting time and energy to that?)I go and get a copy of the poster I took pictures for...

I found out harshly that I was replaced by Markus Ram and taken off the poster entirely...*********

I was hurt!!Was this because of the "Telescope" post I wrote?? I asked around and the story I was given was that they needed a picture of a smiling black man. And they felt that I looked too aggressive for the Ad...

Umm okay....

So for the first half of the IML trip I was depressed, I started to get drowned by all the hardships I was going through. A weaker person would have quit, and said "Fuck this shit". The hate email was constant, I was a Sell out, Black Mandingo, Token Black.... Titan did not trust me anymore, they did not want to renew my contract, took me off the Folsom poster. And when I tried to network at IML no Studio wanted to touch me because I was so closely tied with the Titan brand. I had no where to turn...

Grabbys 2008, I was nominated for Best performer and Hottest Cock. I was not nominated for any awards at the 2008 GayVns so I thought the chances of winning anything was slim to none. I was wrong and shocked, I won for Hottest Cut cock 2008 and it couldn't have come at a better time!! I was so depressed before the awards, that I just sat in my room upset. That picked up my spirits and I felt better..

August 2008 I head to San Fran and finish my last scene with Titan. Beforehand I asked Brian Mills if I could do the treatment for the scene. This time I was given complete control and even had a chance to direct some of the scene. I asked Brian Mills if he could be in the scene with Kameron Scott and act like his boss, he agreed. I wrote the entire script, came up with the concept and idea. I even styled myself(I had a basketball jersey made to say TitanMen #10)I brought white and black jock straps that Titan made(me in the white one, Kameron in the black one)I picked Kameron Scott opposite me because he was familiar with sports and was a jock type. And truth be told I liked Kameron Scott more than just a Co star. We filmed the scene.

Sept 2008 its Folsom Fair time I bring Kameron Scott with me(We all know what happened there)and then I was finished. The deal I worked out with Titan was over and I went Free agent. So alot of people didn't know my contract with Titan was over April 2008 I stayed around six months after my contract was done to finish up the scenes and to keep promoting the Titan brand.

A letter from Brian Mills (Titan Lead Director):

I wish to acknowledge your contribution to some of my best work over the past couple of years. You always arrived ready to deliver a memorable performance. Even under difficult circumstances, you always shone with the character of a winner.

It's only a matter of time before we see each other again. When the time is right, I look forward to working with you again as well.

Your director and friend,

Brian Mills

I got this really great letter and at the same time.....

When I announced that I was a free agent, the hate email came pouring in by the truck loads. Most of the email was super harsh:

"HAHAHA now what are you going do after Titan got rid of your ass"

"Told you Titan would get rid of you, you sell out!!"

"Your all used up now, and nobody wants to hire you now"

"Your old news now, nobody wants to hire you"

I again ignored the hate email, and started to hit the pavement. No studios wanted to hire me, they either thought I was still under contract, or they didn't want to take a chance on me. I became depressed and not knowing what the future would bring for me, made me feel helpless. Thanks TheSword for reporting that HERE

At this point, the Diesel character had no direction. The hate email became Stalkerish and I was getting death threats now. Yes DEATH THREATS!! Titan was taking an aggressive stance on illegal downloads and data sharing sites that used Titan copywrited material. One of the sites that Titan went after was a popular Black site that was using copywrited footage that Titan owned.

Long story short, I think the site was using Titan's footage of Diesel Washington and Titan went on to sue the site and get it shut down. Titan does not play with stuff like that. This is an example:
An official with Titan Media owner Io Group, operator of TitanMen.com, said that the company would prefer to sue owners of the peer-to-peer networks, where its content has been traded, but that's proved difficult.

"If users do not want their names and identities associated with the theft of legal adult material, then they should stop trading it and making it freely available from their home computers," said Keith Webb, vice president of Io Group, in an e-mail response. "Once they get caught, they can't scamper behind the coattails of their ISP to try and avoid responsibility for their actions. Titan Media will not idly sit by and watch while hundreds of thousands of users steal our legal and copyright-protected property and make it freely available to anyone, including children."

Some People in the Black community, were outraged!!! Most of the people in the black community were like "Fuck Titan" for trying to close down the site. Soon they started saying "Fuck Diesel Washington" if they are trying to close down the site just because we are sharing footage of him, then fuck him too. We dont need his footage, he only films with white guys anyway.

So now I was getting "Death Threats" because a beloved site was getting shut down. People I'm not the one that wanted to close down the site. It's not Titan's fault that they want to control their footage from being illegally shared, its their footage, they paid for it, and they want to keep an eye on their investment.

So now I'm out of work, nobody wants to hire me, I getting "Death Threats" now. The Black community is calling me a Sell out, and now a popular Black site was being shut down and all the blame was coming at me. I was going nuts!!!!

When I went free agent I was approached by tons of Studios that shoot the "Thug" content. None of the studios wanted to pay me my scene rate(I was getting offers for 1/4 of my scene rate, really??),I tried to work with these companies and I asked to direct a couple of scenes first, because I wanted to get behind the camera for a change but nobody saw my vision. They only wanted me as a model and they said they would get back to me. Never heard from them again....

Finally I got a call from Tony Dimarco(Oct 2008), wanting to shoot me for Raging Stallions(Rear Delveries). I jumped at the offer because I wanted to jump start my career again. I filmed for Raging Stallions it went well and things started to happen.

***After the Raging Stallions shoot, Kink.com(Nov 2008) wanted to use me for their Bound Gods site. I would be the first black model on that site, and I jumped at the chance to add some color to that site. I filmed my scene with Bound Gods, put it this way a scene that would have taken two or three hours to film, due to complications the scene took seven hours to film(not my fault)and I was dead tired!!****

Remember that Bound Gods shoot

From there I filmed with Falcon(Asylum, Dec 2008)and Mustang(Redlight Dec 2008). Okay I was a douche on the Asylum set and had words with Eric Rhodes, since then I admitted my mistakes about that situation and tried to move on, most people thought I was a dick for being mad at Eric...and you know what??? you would right and I admitted it. The Mustang shoot went great and I got it huge press on theSword.com. At the time "Redlight" was in production, I was told that the movie would be starring me. I was handpicked for the role by Steven Cruz himself, and that I was the star of the movie. I even agreed to a lower scene rate if I was given the cover, they agreed. Little Story HERE

Now its Jan 2009, and Kink.com releases my scene on Bound Gods. Alot of the black bloggers took offense to my scene on Bound Gods. Since Obama was elected president, Kink.com started a campiagn saying change was coming, with it they released my scene. I think some people in the black community could not get over the fact that I was doing a scene, most people saw the pics of me being tied to a post as offensive in some way. They never saw the scene or footage but when the images starting floating around of a black man tied to a post and another white model leaning over him like he was in control. The Backlash came hard and heavy!!!
See that here:

People didn't want to see my point that I was the first African American on the site, trying to break the stereotype. Alot of people thought I was doing the reverse and trying to feed into that stereotype.

Back on my blog, the hate email was out of control now!!! I had tons of emails from people in the Black community that were upset and angry at me. I didn't know what to do?? Most people didn't get the facts right and they prejudged me before I could even respond.

I wrote a couple of posts to open the eyes of people but the hatred was too strong and nobody was going to listen. I still pushed forward in my career trying to bulid my name and restart my career again.

"Rear Delveries" was released and the industry gave me good reviews. Then "Redlight" was released, I was no where on the cover. I was pissed off yet again and I felt that I was being lied to yet again. Leo Giamani was on the cover and I lashed out on my blog, why was I put on the back of the DVD and a porn star with a barebacking history gets on the cover of a movie that was promised as my starring role(He signed dual exclusive with Falcon and Randy Blue at this point)instead "Redlight" was the spring board for Leo and his Falcon career. Argh!!!

Titan gave me the word that they were releasing my scene with Kameron Scott in a movie called "Playbook" I started a phony blog war with Kameron Scott to bring attention to our scene. The blogging community took Kameron's side, and started calling me a bullying online. I was the older mature model picking on some innocent twink, I took alot of negative press for that. People made me out to be a demon!! Later the story would change and people found out what really happened. When the story came out, and Kameron admitted to using me because he wanted fame by any means necessary!! And that he would step on whoever he needed to to reach the top. Did any of the bloggers who made me out to be a demon say sorry to me?? Nope!!! I kept on with my career despite what people thought about me.

I filmed with Channel 1 releasing in the meantime, and I took another scene rate cut to work for Chi Chi(Taken to the Lowest Level) I worked my ass off in that role, and despite a slow start(I will admit it)I was able to focus(Thanks Adam Killan)and get into my role and turn out a hot scene!! I brought my A game and a new position called
the Cannonball with me. I gave Chi Chi gold and at the end of the scene, Chi Chi said "Hmmm I never saw that before" and I still wanted to give more in the scene. Chi Chi said "Diesel you gave me enough, more than I hoped for its enough" I have always gave 100% on set and that will never change.

During this same period, M.L. made some statements about the Black community(homophobia preventing black models coming into business)that I did not agree with. Nobody wanted to stand up against him and voice their opinion, esp in the black community. I guess some black performers either didn't want to speak up or didn't want to cause waves with a porn producer that they wanted to work for. Not me!! I voiced my opinions on my blog, which started a blog war between M.L. and Diesel Washington. When the smoke cleared, I voiced my opinions but at the same time M.L. deemed that some of my comments were anti-semitic. And in various interviews he calls me stupid, ignorant the porn star who got it all wrong. See that HERE

So I had to fight yet again to clear my name, I'm so tired at this point.

Now its GayVns 2009, and I invite Momma Washington and her BF to attend. I pay for the flights/Hotels and tickets for the show.I brought Momma Washington not for attention, my mother wanted to come to support me because she loves me. So all the haters that said I brought my Mom for extra attention, come on this shit is getting old now. I was nominated for Best Top, Best Performer, Best Duo. We all know what happens next, I didn't win any GayVn awards that year and I felt like shit. I took the loss of Best Top the hardest(lost to Ricky Sinz)and I wrote a nasty post expressing my thoughts. (Since then I made peace with Ricky)

I then announce that I want to start my own Studio yet again, but the recession is really bad. I decide that is not a good time to start such a venture at this point.

Now its the 2009 Grabbys, I was nominated for Best porn star blog, Best Duo, Best Website, Best performer. I bring Momma Washington(and Bf) to the award show. This time around I win Best Performer and Best porn star blog. Finally!!!!

After fighting and fighting to keep my name alive in a business that has been working against me. I finally come out a winner!!! After much thought I decide to retire, I didn't want to play the highschool games anymore and I wanted rest. On my blog I revealed my true age, and the haters came out in full force. Now besides the the "Mandingo" comments I was being called an old man now!!!

I annouce my retirement, and oddly enough not one single piece of hate email? WTF??? All the hate email I recieved before my career, during my career when I annouce my retirement I don't get a single piece of hate email??

I was ready to fade away and just live life again..

Then Unzipped pulls me out of retirement and gives me an opportunity of having my own magazine cover. I think hard about it, do I want to jump back into the game after all the shit I have been through??

During my retirement I was getting alot of emails from some people in the Black community asking for my return. The job was not done, I may have broke the glass ceiling, but my job was not over. There were other models looking to get their foot in the door and they wanted my help. I thought long and hard....

If I was going to come back, it would be to help other Men of Color to get in the door. I did my thing already, I reached the goal I set for myself. But if I was going to help I had to relaunch my career yet again in order to make that happen.

When the Unzipped cover was released, I would announce my comeback and take the porn industry over one more time. At the same time I was promoting Unzipped, I was hosting the Hustlaball, and my pic was in the Museum of Sex for its Naked Ambition exhibit.

After this happened, the hate email came back twice fold!! I was ready this time and I decided to lash back out at the haters! I was done being a punching bag for the haters!! Fuck that I had enough!!

I film "Getting Levi's Johnson" I do the BTS, give a good performance and try to make my comeback. During my time off(4months), I put on bad wieght and had to fight a long battle to get it off.

Back on my Blog, the hate email is neverending at this point, The haters see that I gained weight and they come out in all their glory to just trash me. This time its different besides all the hate email I get. Now I'm getting trashed in the comment section of my favorite blogs, and I'm not having it!!! Now I'm going head to head with the haters I refuse to back down and now that is my attitude.

After a string of failed relationships, which all take a toll on me. I'm done with talking about my personal relationships on my blog. One relationship I had with another porn model just killed me. I flew from LA to NYC and this porn model sends me a text saying that they are in trouble and need my help. The same day I fly from LA to NYC, I book a ticket to FTL to help out this model, and he leaves me in the wind and totally fucks me over!! I take it hard and depression sets in big time.

I come up with the Model development program, wanting to use it to help out other models get into the business. I get a huge response from the models, but I lack the resources to handle all the models that wanted my help. And further more its hard to charge someone for your service, when all the models are only considered about themselves. They use you for what they can get, and then when they are done with you, you don't even get a simple Thanks.

Now its 2010, and I decide to join Twitter to further network. The personal attacks come hard and heavy, now the haters come at you directly. The new breed of haters coming about, now not only do they hate on you but they use that platform of hate to further their careers.

I then reach out to Tiger Tyson, I wanted to work on a project that would take the Industry by storm. It starts out a friendly feud and we go back and forth just hyping up the fans about us possibly working with each other. Then it got ugly, Tiger lashed out at me calling me an Old man, and that I was washed up!! And that I wasn't good enough to carry his jockstrap. I mean it got ugly and I washed my hands from working with Tiger. See that HERE I still wanted to reach out to the black community, so I decided to do a scene with Castro on his site "Its Gonna Hurt". If I couldn't do a scene with Tiger Tyson, then it makes sense to do a scene with Castro right? The scene took forever, so I don't think I will be working with Castro in the future. But I tried to give the fans something different. I never back down from a challenge, I love working with other big dicked tops to show off "Who has the better topping skills" I worked with Barrett Long because of that same reason "What Happens in Vegas" anybody remember that movie???

Moving on.....

Its now the 2010 Grabbys and I was picked to host the Grabbys this year. I bring two models with me. One of the models is a close friend and sticks by my side the entire time. The other model turned out to be some using loser, who was only looking to further their career by any means necessary. I bring Momma Washington(and Bf)to the Grabbys and some model gutterbunny that I don't get along with. Gets a unknowing blogger to take their picture with my Mom and then plaster it on his twitter and facebook page. I was highly pissed about this, and I had a huge Twitter melt down. Then cybersocket puts out a list of the top porn performers for 2010(SO FAR)and the porn industry has a shit fit!! When I saw the number of hypocrites coming out against Cybersocket I lost it!! These were the same people that don't hire Men of Color for their own productions but have the nerve to call out Cybersocket for its lack of color on its list.

Further more, to this day those same people who pointed their finger at Cybersocket for its list. Had production after production this year, and they still haven't hire any Men of Color for their features. Bunch of fucking Hypocrites I tell you!!!

Back to the haters

The New breed of haters are porn performers that target you and lash out at you to help their careers. So now I have black models that couldn't go further with their careers coming at me to get attention for themselves. I have white models that want to use me to further their careers. I have some people in the black community hating on me for the reasons explained above. It never stops and I'm just tired of it all!!!

Nobody knows what I go through on a daily basis.......

And after all this shit in my porn career.....

People still think its my responsibility to help people in my community. I'm the role model because I'm the most popular Black model out there. Why me??? I mean the studios don't even want to hire me anymore so why do I have to carry the burden? Yet I try to help my community..

I start the America's Next Black Bottom contest, and it was nightmare. I was gettng responses from people wanting to model but they were not in shape, had done prior bareback work so it was hard finding the right models. The models that had the right look, became bossy telling me what they would do or will not do, and giving me a list of demands. I had one model even go to the extreme by saying that they didn't want to be known as a bottom and wanted to be known as a versatile performer. Umm okay?? the name of the contest was America's Next Black Bottom and they became so catty with Me that I just said forget it. Now that same model wants to jump on the Hate Diesel train. I had another model that I wanted to work with, who at the last minute decided porn was not for him and he dropped out of the contest the day before I was going to release the results. I had another model that I wanted to work with, but when I showed around his pictures, I wasn't getting a good response because he was too heavily tattooed. I felt bad because he was eager to work, but just recently I heard he shot his first scene, and for gods sake it was bareback scene. So I just don't know what to do anymore...

I secured a good deal with Suite 703, after my scene with Scott Alexander. I was given a number of scenes to do and I wanted to use that opportunity to help out more black models and Men of color. My first scene was with Jace Jones and he was excited to be apart of production. Derek Reyonlds backed out citing that he was retiring. We found a replacement but then that model cancel a day before the scene. Which costed money and energy! We had to use an outside agency to find another black model to shoot the scene with.

That model tried to use false records stating that he was HIV neg, Gio(photographer)looked at his documents and knew something was wrong. Howard from Fabscout sent the model to be tested and guess what?? The model turned out to be HIV positive and we had to shoot a solo scene instead. *Sigh

I was one of the first models to talk about the HIV issue in the porn industry. Working with HIV models and telling Studios/Sites that as models we have the right to know our partners status. I was of the first models to go on their blog and clearly state their stance on HIV testing, STD testing and saying its the responsibilty of the models to police themselves.

Then the haters started double(triple)teaming me, calling me the "Black Savage" "Black Mandingo" default Black actor and I had it!!!

This bullshit has been happening since 2005 from my very first post on this blog, and I had it..........

Now everybody is yelling at me to start my own studio. I'm getting calls from white/black models looking to take their career further asking me for my advice. At this point I don't want to help anybody anymore.

I do the interviews, take the pics and I give press to models who might not have gotten the press without me. I help everybody in this Industry....

I made countless interviews of porn models who use my youtube vids for their websites and blogs

I promoted tons of events on my blog and then took youtubes of the events that every single gossip blog out there used at one point or another.

I promote models that I have never met before, because I know its hard for Men of color in this business.

I have some porn producers that send me photos of models that they want to use in a feature asking me for my input. What scenes would be best for this model, and what type of partners would be good for this model.

As a model, I gave the industry some ground breaking scenes that will stand the test of time and that pushed the limits of fetish play.

As a model, I gave this industry signature positions just to spice things up. Making the other models step up their game, and do something different besides the same ole shit.

Out of all the things I have done, the double fisting, double footing, signature positions I showed that you can do freaky things and still remain safe at the same time!!!

I tried to be a role model, by writing posts about being tested and staying safe. I recorded my visit to the Department of Health just to show models, we need to take responsibilty for ourselves!!

So yeah I'm mad that the porn Industry turned its back on me, I have done nothing but give back to it.

So now you know why I'm so angry!!!

Sorry if there grammar mistakes, spelling errors or whatever I wanted to write this post to get things off my chest!!!