physical disciplinary actions

Back to the debate of physically disciplining your children (I.e. spanking, popping, smacking, etc). Another parent and I were talking about the argument that had occurred here this week and how so many other parents are against this form of parenting. We had an occurrence where the oldest child of the play group put their hands on the youngest in an act of anger, in a way that could have been very dangerous. The ages of this play group range 2-5. The two children physically involve are siblings. When the two older children are asked who had hurt the youngest, the 'guilty' child lied and tried to lay blame on the other child. The one this child was blaming is not quite old enough to know about lying so can mostly be relied in to tell the truth in instances that they understand. The 'victim' child (who does not yet talk) pointed to the 'guilty' child, so with two accusations this child received a harsh bare butt spanking and time out. Being that this child is the oldest (5) and the other children still toddlers, one not talking yet, this was felt to be an appropriate punishment given the seriousness of the offense. Of you are a parent, how do you punish these forms of offenses?

Back to the debate of physically disciplining your children (I.e. spanking, popping, smacking, etc). Another parent and I were talking about the argument that had occurred here this week and how so many other parents are against this form of parenting. We had an occurrence where the oldest child of the play group put their hands on the youngest in an act of anger, in a way that could have been very dangerous. The ages of this play group range 2-5. The two children physically involve are siblings. When the two older children are asked who had hurt the youngest, the 'guilty' child lied and tried to lay blame on the other child. The one this child was blaming is not quite old enough to know about lying so can mostly be relied in to tell the truth in instances that they understand. The 'victim' child (who does not yet talk) pointed to the 'guilty' child, so with two accusations this child received a harsh bare butt spanking and time out. Being that this child is the oldest (5) and the other children still toddlers, one not talking yet, this was felt to be an appropriate punishment given the seriousness of the offense. Of you are a parent, how do you punish these forms of offenses?

I only have a 14 month old so I can't speak from experience what would work. I might try time outs, removal of privileges, no play dates, until that child can be trusted again. I just don't see how a physical punishment such as spanking teaches a child to NOT act out physically.

I only have a 14 month old so I can't speak from experience what would work. I might try time outs, removal of privileges, no play dates, until that child can be trusted again. I just don't see how a physical punishment such as spanking teaches a child to NOT act out physically.

I will NEVER bare bottom spank my children unless for whatever reason the child's bottom is already bare when they do something that I feel warrants being spanked. That being said, I truly believe that "necessity" and "effectiveness" of physical punishment depend solely on the personality of the child. For some children, physically punishing them is the only thing that gets their attention, for others a stern look or a time out or a combination of conversation and some other tactic can be just as effective. All children are not the same just as all adults are not the same.

I will NEVER bare bottom spank my children unless for whatever reason the child's bottom is already bare when they do something that I feel warrants being spanked. That being said, I truly believe that "necessity" and "effectiveness" of physical punishment depend solely on the personality of the child. For some children, physically punishing them is the only thing that gets their attention, for others a stern look or a time out or a combination of conversation and some other tactic can be just as effective. All children are not the same just as all adults are not the same.

I absolutely agree. My mom spanked me and my brother, and it was very effective for me. It was not effective for him. She still did it, though. When my child gets to the point where spanking would be an option, I would hope I know from his personality whether or not it would work. It would not be my first choice in punishment, but if it was the only thing that got him to behave, yes, I'd spank.

I absolutely agree. My mom spanked me and my brother, and it was very effective for me. It was not effective for him. She still did it, though. When my child gets to the point where spanking would be an option, I would hope I know from his personality whether or not it would work. It would not be my first choice in punishment, but if it was the only thing that got him to behave, yes, I'd spank.

We are talking about an offense that had the potential to do real harm to another child 3 years younger than this 5 year old. This offense was intentional. Please tell me how a stern look gravitates the seriousness of this?

We are talking about an offense that had the potential to do real harm to another child 3 years younger than this 5 year old. This offense was intentional. Please tell me how a stern look gravitates the seriousness of this?

Hitting is not tolerated in my house, at all, by anyone. The kids do on occasion get physical with each other. Whether its a punch or a flick they lose privileges, more severe for each subsequent occurrences.

Hitting is not tolerated in my house, at all, by anyone. The kids do on occasion get physical with each other. Whether its a punch or a flick they lose privileges, more severe for each subsequent occurrences.

I'm on my phone so can't see who this response was directed at, but I'm assuming me since I'm the only one as of yet that has used the words "stern look" in their response. That being said, I didn't say that it would. I merely said that some children respond just as well or better to non-physical forms of punishment. I do not know this particular child, my first response would probably be a spanking in that particular scenario. But as I stated before, I would never spank a child on their bare bottom (unless they were already undressed for some reason in the first place).

I'm on my phone so can't see who this response was directed at, but I'm assuming me since I'm the only one as of yet that has used the words "stern look" in their response. That being said, I didn't say that it would. I merely said that some children respond just as well or better to non-physical forms of punishment. I do not know this particular child, my first response would probably be a spanking in that particular scenario. But as I stated before, I would never spank a child on their bare bottom (unless they were already undressed for some reason in the first place).

Yeah, cause hitting him really teaches him not to hit. That's so ridiculous and I can't think an intelligent person would find that to be a rational response. It's immature, childish, and regrettably, damaging to the child. But ya know, it's your kid so destroy them however you want I guess. I cannot believe your friend pulled down a child's underwear IN PUBLIC and disgraced them like that. It's revolting. I can't associate in real life with people like that. If I witnessed that I would leave immediately. I may even verify the legality of it if necessary.

What would I do in that situation? I would remove the child from the situation and talk to them about what they had done and the proper way to handle our emotions and have them apologize. They would leave the play group for the day. I don't see a need to assault a child for simply reacting the way their parents act (hitting when they are angry)

Yeah, cause hitting him really teaches him not to hit. That's so ridiculous and I can't think an intelligent person would find that to be a rational response. It's immature, childish, and regrettably, damaging to the child. But ya know, it's your kid so destroy them however you want I guess. I cannot believe your friend pulled down a child's underwear IN PUBLIC and disgraced them like that. It's revolting. I can't associate in real life with people like that. If I witnessed that I would leave immediately. I may even verify the legality of it if necessary.

What would I do in that situation? I would remove the child from the situation and talk to them about what they had done and the proper way to handle our emotions and have them apologize. They would leave the play group for the day. I don't see a need to assault a child for simply reacting the way their parents act (hitting when they are angry)

Sounds to me like some child has aggression issues from one too many harsh spankings. Obviously it's impossible to generalize for all, but the children I've known who have been physically punished, especially out of anger, are the ones to lash out most physically, especially toward weaker children (like this 5-year-old seems to have lashed out). It's sad.

Sounds to me like some child has aggression issues from one too many harsh spankings. Obviously it's impossible to generalize for all, but the children I've known who have been physically punished, especially out of anger, are the ones to lash out most physically, especially toward weaker children (like this 5-year-old seems to have lashed out). It's sad.

I've never in my life heard of someone admitting to taking down their child's underwear in public (or alone even) and spanking their BARE behind. That could cause blisters, welts, so many terrible injuries for this poor little child. They act out exactly what they are taught at home. If your kid is hitting it's because you're a chitty parent who taught them that.

I've never in my life heard of someone admitting to taking down their child's underwear in public (or alone even) and spanking their BARE behind. That could cause blisters, welts, so many terrible injuries for this poor little child. They act out exactly what they are taught at home. If your kid is hitting it's because you're a chitty parent who taught them that.

I have 15 and 10 year old, I have never spanked my children, and I have no type of behavioral problems with them. Thank god.I was spanked as a child and I turned out fine, but I don't want to spank my children I just don't feel the need. I always follow through with my punishments and they don't get away with anything.

I have 15 and 10 year old, I have never spanked my children, and I have no type of behavioral problems with them. Thank god.I was spanked as a child and I turned out fine, but I don't want to spank my children I just don't feel the need. I always follow through with my punishments and they don't get away with anything.

Yeah, you can sit and talk with a 5 year old, they will totally get it. -___- I'm all for a spanking when necessary. And don't believe your kid will become aggressive or damaged. They will know first hand that hitting, etc is painful and not do it unless they want that same treatment back.

Yeah, you can sit and talk with a 5 year old, they will totally get it. -___- I'm all for a spanking when necessary. And don't believe your kid will become aggressive or damaged. They will know first hand that hitting, etc is painful and not do it unless they want that same treatment back.

IMO I truly believe spanking a child is simply saying "I can control you by physically harming you". When my children fight they are separated and we discuss how they could have behaved differently. No it is not always easy and yes I lose my temper like many parents, but I will not instill fear in them. Hitting someone for them hitting someone else is completely illogical.

IMO I truly believe spanking a child is simply saying "I can control you by physically harming you". When my children fight they are separated and we discuss how they could have behaved differently. No it is not always easy and yes I lose my temper like many parents, but I will not instill fear in them. Hitting someone for them hitting someone else is completely illogical.

Ok, 1) this did not occur in public. 2) there is no need for the aggression in your response. I can assure you that the child is fine and has never had bodily harm aside from the consequences she's received for serious offenses. Both the child's parents rationally discussed the seriousness of the matter after the punishment for harming another child and trying to blame another child for it. The question is, how would you address your child for this behavior. You answered my question in a thought out response. If I recall correctly, this is a matter that you take rather seriously, as abuse should, but as abuse is not the case here your aggressive undertones are not helping your side of the discussion. If you do consider it abuse, then please, by all means, argue your stance without the undertones. (Typed with as much sincerity as is possible).

Ok, 1) this did not occur in public. 2) there is no need for the aggression in your response. I can assure you that the child is fine and has never had bodily harm aside from the consequences she's received for serious offenses. Both the child's parents rationally discussed the seriousness of the matter after the punishment for harming another child and trying to blame another child for it. The question is, how would you address your child for this behavior. You answered my question in a thought out response. If I recall correctly, this is a matter that you take rather seriously, as abuse should, but as abuse is not the case here your aggressive undertones are not helping your side of the discussion. If you do consider it abuse, then please, by all means, argue your stance without the undertones. (Typed with as much sincerity as is possible).

Why would you want your child to obey you just because they're afraid of getting hurt? What happens when you're not there, or they become too big to hit? And yes, I do think that 5 years old is plenty old enough to have conversations with your children about proper behavior. Parents generally set rules for a reason, and respecting your child by explaining those reasons generally works wonders in getting them to behave.

Why would you want your child to obey you just because they're afraid of getting hurt? What happens when you're not there, or they become too big to hit? And yes, I do think that 5 years old is plenty old enough to have conversations with your children about proper behavior. Parents generally set rules for a reason, and respecting your child by explaining those reasons generally works wonders in getting them to behave.

1) You said they were at play group, that includes people in the community, that satisfies the definition of public. 2) if you don't see a need to be aggressive about child abuse I feel for you ad just so you can take a shot, your kids. Rationally discussing something after you irrationally beat a child doesn't negate the beating. In fact, if you were thinking rationally in the first place, the beating wouldn't have even been necessary. Abuse is the case here, it's a rather subjective term and I can include a bare bottom assault as abuse in my definition if I see fit, which I do.

1) You said they were at play group, that includes people in the community, that satisfies the definition of public. 2) if you don't see a need to be aggressive about child abuse I feel for you ad just so you can take a shot, your kids. Rationally discussing something after you irrationally beat a child doesn't negate the beating. In fact, if you were thinking rationally in the first place, the beating wouldn't have even been necessary. Abuse is the case here, it's a rather subjective term and I can include a bare bottom assault as abuse in my definition if I see fit, which I do.

The material on this website is provided for educational purposes only and is not to be used for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, or in place of therapy or medical care. Use of this site is subject to our terms of use and privacy policy

Advertising Notice

This Site and third parties who place advertisements on this Site may collect and use information about your visits to this Site and other websites in order to provide advertisements about goods and services of interest to you. If you would like to obtain more information about these advertising practices and to make choices about online behavioral advertising, please click here