Welcome to the BlackLOG, this is the story of me, my wife - the long suffering "Mrs B", our cat "McG" and the various friends and acquaintances that we meet through life. It is all based around what happens to us, but is often stretched in an attempt to entertain. I do not deliberately set out to upset people but it occasionally happens (I have a fairly dark sense of humour at times).

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Wednesday, 20 April 2011

Three giggings and a show-eral

It’s been a bit hectic since our return from skiing with the following events all in quick succession:

Kylie – O2

The Pigeon Detectives – Cambridge Junction

The Feeling – Heaven

The Children’s Hour – Comedy Theatre

That’s without taking into account a trip up to Lincolnshire to help celebrate our friend Hugh’s 50th birthday

Kylie

Can I make this clear from the outset?Going to see Kylie was Mrs B’s idea, after our friends Lisa (Tourettes Girl) and Phil (Daddy Duck) had mentioned they were going.While I can tolerate Kylie and even have some of her music, I just can’t see past her as the girl next door (all be it one with a very nice bum…..Hmmm can’t think of any neighbours who get even close on that front - certainly not Madge Bishop or Mrs Mangle, although a certain Charlene Mitchell probably runs her close*). Now I’m not saying she doesn’t have a certain amount of talent, in a “singing karaoke style and dancing like your favourite arthritic granny” way…..Yet I am clearly in the minority.The O2 was full of her adoring, tone deaf, fear of fast movement, fans.

* Please note this a Neighbours in-joke, which (not being a fan) I had to rely on Wikipedia to fill in the details….Honest.

Now I can’t fault the actual stage show, with its camp Roman-Grecotheme, which was amazing.Our Italian friend Vinny (a last minute substitute for our Indian friend Mala) asked me :-

Vinny :- “Whyyarrre there soo maany semi-naked men on de stage?”

Me :- “You’re kidding me?”

Vinny :- “…and soo maany men holdin de hands in de audience?”

Me :- “Didn’t you realise that Kylie is a huge gay Icon?”

Vinny :- “Nooooo…. ….Mala never told me thees”

He went quiet for a while after that….if he was shocked at Kylie’s fan base it is just as well he didn’t come to see the Scissor Sisters, who have a much more radical and proactive gay following….

The stage and production was in truth 100% Las Vegas style over the top brilliance and while the Kylster was off stage, undergoing one of her many costume changes, the dancers got to athletically strut their stuff …..until Kylie tottered back on stage.It was as if clear treacle had been poured onto the dancers and they slowed down to match Kylie’s pedestrian pace.While this proved less than impressive from a visual perspective,it had an unexpected benefit,especially when combined with Kylie’s constant need to be in the spotlight.Itmade for some terrific photo opportunities.At times it was like being in a well-lit studio with the opportunity to take still life pictures…. You can judge for yourself in the Photo finish section….

The big question of the day was what time would Mrs B make the show?Her previous record is halfway through the main act , when she only got to see 50% of the Hoosiers….In an early indication, I was informed that there was a bit of a panic on at work but since the absolute final dead line was 10pm to get something out the door she had hopes she would at least catch a bit of the show…

The clock is ticking - Mrs B’s desk is about 10 mins from the O2 (OK, 15 minutes - Mrs B has short legs)

8.00pm

Mrs B’s text message – “Is she on yet?”

Me text message – “No”

8.47pm

Mrs B’s text message – “Is she on yet?”

Me text message – “Just come on”

10:30pm

Mrs B’s text message - “Is she still on?”

Me text message – “Yes”

11.oopm

Me text message – “Would you like me to pick you up?”

Mrs B’s text message – “Yes, please…Sorry.”

So Mrs B didn’t even get to see the human fountain that was Kylie’s triumphant finale.

Just as well I had a confused Vinnie, Lisa and Phil to keep me company, although they were less than impressed in my failure to fall under their heroine’s beguiling spell. I just hope Mrs B does not want to go to the next Kylie show, I’m not sure I could take it and I’m not sure Vinnie would agree to be a substitute for a second time….

Pigeon Detectives

A Tuesday night in Cambridge, so absolutely no chance of Mrs B making it. So Joe (Stunt Cock) took on the role of keeping me company. Even at the tender age of 23 I think he felt a bit old, with much of the audience being made up of what looked like the remnants of a school trip…. the ones that get left at the school gates because their parents have enjoyed the quiet life while they have been away and could not be bothered to pick them up again afterwards. The more forward-thinking parents even took the opportunity to move house without leaving a forwarding address….

For those of you with good memories,the Pigeon Detectives were the group we tried to see in December, when they were supporting James.We failed to see them when we got stuck in a horrendous traffic jam (probably the good people of Brixton attempting to get away from James) and got to hear just the final chord of their set and caught a glimpse of the backs of their heals as they exited to rapturous applause.That chord sounded so good that I was determined to try and see them again as soon as possible, and I’m glad that I did.

The lead singer Matt Bowman is fairly manic and almost shouts the lyricsbut he did his own version of the Kylie Fountain finale, which was about 1 millionth** of the cost (one bottle of water 99p, then thinkfire-eater only without the flame) but almost as effective.In these austere times of economic belt-tightening it’s difficult to argue against it, unless you get very pickyand stomp off down the health and safety route, playing the unhygienic card….

** Yes I know you have told me a million times to stop exaggerating

The Feeling

At last I managed to winkle Mrs B out of work at a semi-sensible hour, even having time for a quick bite to eat.We sacrificed seeing the support act but from the few minutes we saw of him it was no great loss…

Heaven is a great venue, situated under the arches of Charing Cross Station and ordinarily a little small for a group like the Feeling, but having been on a break for a few years they were taking the opportunity to try out some new songs fromtheir forthcoming album.As a reward they also played a number oftheir old favourites….for £15 a ticket this has to be one of the bargains of the year…The only down side, a bit of a disaster from a photographic point of view as the performance seemed to be mainly back lit – not something you can complain about when strictly speaking you should probably not actually be taking pictures…..

The Children’s Hour

Starring Kiera Knightly and Elisabeth Moss (Zoey Bartlet in the West Wing and Peggy Olson in Madmen). This certainly puts to bed the rumour that KK can’t act or that she vanishes when seen (or should that be unseen) side on….The play heavily relies on the audience having a sense of righteous anger at the injustice metered out to two women,Karen (Keira) and Martha (Elisabeth) who set up and run a girls’ boarding school in 1930s New England. One of their students, Mary (Bryony Hannah in things I have never heard of before) is a truly detestable diminutive sphere of nastiness, who I genuinely loathed from almost the moment she sauntered onto the stage. I hope for Bryony’s sake she is a good actress and she is not just Ray Winstoning it (i.e. just playing herself…) I have come across way too many manipulative people in my life to have any sympathy for any of them – although McG can be quite manipulative when he wants a head rub but he is so cute when he does it (except when it is 3am and he gets his claw accidently trapped in my nostril….)

I can honestly say my sense of injustice went through the roof. Although much of this was not down to the plot line or acting skills but more to do with smoking, yes smoking on stage in an indoor venue….Sitting in the second row, while great for seeing the expressions of the actor and being showered with bits of broken pottery (Life is so unfair, Mrs B gets covered in Rob Lowe spit while I get broken pottery….Where was my KK spittle???) but paying a small fortune to be immersedin clouds of smoke (even if some of it was KK smoke***) is not my idea of fun.

*** Sorry KK as beautiful as you are, as a smoker you and I have no future….…No young lady, crying doesn’t work on me, you should have thought about that before doing your ‘Ivor the Engine’ impressionin my face…. In fact I even withdraw my previous request for your tobacco-stained spittle….

Although I have never smoked, having spent what seems like most of my childhood trapped in a smoke-filled car****, a result of my mother being the original Fag Ash Lil***** I may as well have. This has left me with an anti-smoking zeal equal to and perhaps beyond those of a reformed smoker.To paraphrase the great Adam Ant “Don’t drink, don’t smoke what do I do?” Apparently I moan a lot about smoking….I guess I’m not so worried about you drinkers as long as you follow three simple rules, don’t run me down, throw up on me or call me in for an intimate conversation and then burp alcoholic fumes in my face….Not necessarily in that order….

**** My father only compounded the problem by insisting on going everywhere at a steady 55mph, as he experimented with fuel economy.The result was more of my life trapped in the smoke-filled environment, about 1p a year saved in fuel cost and choruses of “Oh Dad can’t we go any faster?” “Are we there yet?” “Are we there yet?” from my sister and me in the back seat…We had learned years before not to bother asking Mother to stop smoking, as this would only result in her wafting even more smoke in our general direction when she turned around to tell us “No she couldn’t….”

***** She still claims today that she never inhales, just puffs on the damn thing, which rather un-settlingly left the rest of us to do the inhaling for her….

I understand smoking is allowed in a West End play if it is deemedessential to the plot but I fail to see how it was essential for this particular play.Yes the play is set in the 1930’s but I’m pretty sure that it is not essential to see chain smoking to work this out….If the play was about lung cancer then I guess you could put an argument for it…

While I’m at it are they trying to snigger behind our backs ….?A story about the ruination of people, through lies,being performed at the Comedy Theatre…?As good a play as it was (well, what I could see of itthrough the billowing smoke that is), it was hardly going to be a bundle of laughs…..

Before we went skiing Mrs B and I had popped into a local jewellers to sort out a present for Tourettes Girl, who was also celebrating her birthday on the ski holiday… A few minutes later a loud, booming voice declared that he needed to buy some Lovelink charms as a surprise present for a friend….

I managed to catch Stunt Cock’s (Joe’s) eye and he rather lamely and unconvincingly finished with:

“.....of my girlfriend, who I don’t really know….” I think he might have also fidgeted his feet, like a five year old with his hand caught in the cookie jar….

Mrs B piped up – “Oooo, I’ve always wanted one of those…” digging me in the ribs with her elbow “Hint…hint” but was fortunately so distracted by sorting out the present for Lisa and the big diamond ring the manager of the shop was rather speculatively waving in front of her, that she did not twig Joe was actually trying to buy her birthday present….

It would be nice if you would go and pay your respects before association with the BlackLOG ends their credibility....

Show me the sunny

Monitoring our way to a fortune (or not) with our Solar Panels

(good news we have had a 3% rise as from the beginning of April)

KW Produced so far –678

KW generated in the week –97

This has earned us approximately – £331 (Including savings estimated at £37 where we have used our own energy)

Of which £175 has been paid out so far…

Record of the week

Slow by Kylie - An approprita song for the little lady, file under eye candy only

I'm not sorry by the Pigeon Detectives

Love it when you call by The Feeling

Smoke gets in your eyes by Judy Garland - Thanks Guys

Photo Finish

Not wanting to risk attempting to smuggle The Beast into any of the gigs, it is way too stressful – I probably could have managed it at the Pigeon Detectives but no chance at Kylie or The Feeling, the Mega Mini Beast (just about slips into a jacket pocket) takes centre stage…..It certainly suffers a bit in low lighting but I’m delighted with the 24mm - 600mm zoom facility….

I did manage to get MMB into “The Children’s Hour” but being in the second row it would have made it a bit obvious if I had whipped it out, so just sat back and enjoyed the show, well the bits in-between gagging on cigarette smoke….

16 comments:

Lost.in.Idaho said... Being a straight male, I'm not afraid to admit I love me some Kylie. Sounded like a fun concert, for the most part. No shame in loving some Kylie just don’t expect the performance of a life time…well not unless you don’t get out much….

Suniverse said... I wonder what outfits were deemed unacceptable by Kylie. Because those? BRILLIANTLY GAUDY.I suspect anything with a bit of class or a modicum of taste

feel like a slug since the last thing I saw was . . . Deathly Hallows? Gah. I'm lame.Sorry I’ll just move the salt out of your way, can’t afford to lose any commenter’s …I’m assuming we are taking the HP film and not some Death Metal group….

Niel, Niel, WHERE do I begin (Does it seem most of my comments start this way?)

First off, I'm so glad I took the time out of my moaning & groaning in recovery to come over, and I wished so badly I could have responded to the email I received wishing me well when I had first gotten to the hospital. I was just too discombobulated at the time, but you were cracking me up with the talk of bike tires & all that.

Really good to be back here! Ya know, I had never even listened to Kylie before now, but it looks like she puts on one hell of a show!

The tourettes girl reference just cracks me up every time.

"“Oh my god there’s a one-legged skier down there….”

Cannonball – “Yes but it looks like he has two perfectly good ears….”

SO. CLASSIC!!

I don't even want to say how many years I had been a heavy smoker up until the recent surgery, but you've now made me even more glad that when I have kids of my own, I'll now never have to subject them to the tortures & dangers of second hand smoke. I was such a heavy smoker I never thought I'd quit, and how I was going to handle motherhood in that situation weighed on my mind a lot. Disgusting, pointless habit it is. Thanks to gum & the smokeless, odorless, harmless electronic cigarettes, I've finally kicked it to the curb. No choice really when your lung is indeed like a bicycle tire. ;-)

You got some really amazing photography skills there, my friend, and it's great to be back into the swing of things a lil more each week. =)I've missed this blog so.

P.S. My apologies if I've written a novel. I really wanted to catch up.And could you tell Vinnie to pass the Gabagool, from one Italian to another. lol. ;-)

A Beer for the Shower said...I'm not a big fan of Kylie but I do love the Pigeon Detectives, so I'm very envious. Sounds like a fun show. Rock out with your cock out! Certainly not at the kylie concert you might come back with more then you bargained for….And almost certainly not at the Pigeon Detectives, flashing adults is bad enough but flashing school children, even unwanted ones is probably frowned on or worse…

LilPixi said... Niel, Niel, WHERE do I begin (Does it seem most of my comments start this way?)Not a problem it could become your signature and proof that it is a genuine lilpixi comment

First off, I'm so glad I took the time out of my moaning & groaning in recovery to come over, and I wished so badly I could have responded to the email I received wishing me well when I had first gotten to the hospital. I was just too discombobulated at the time, but you were cracking me up with the talk of bike tires & all that. Discombobulated is such a great word….sorry about cracking you up, it was probably the last thing you needed….. as for all that moaning & groaning in recovery, are you sure you are not having a fling with one of the doctor?

Really good to be back here! Ya know, I had never even listened to Kylie before now, but it looks like she puts on one hell of a show!Even I was impressed…if only she had quarter of the talent to go with the show it would have been unbelievable….actually come to think of it, the show without Kylie would have worked

The tourettes girl just cracks me up every time.

"“Oh my god there’s a one-legged skier down there….”

Cannonball – “Yes but it looks like he has two perfectly good ears….”

SO. CLASSIC!!Perfect blogger fodder, I did not have to do anything but sit next to them on the chairlift (half choking with my pitiful attempts to stop laughing and half embarrassed because the one legged Skier really did have two ears and even if they were not working properly he would have heard the shouted conversation from five valley’s away) and then write down what they said in the Blog….

I don't even want to say how many years I had been a heavy smoker up until the recent surgery, but you've now made me even more glad that when I have kids of my own, I'll now never have to s http://the-blacklog.blogspot.com/ ubject them to the tortures & dangers of second hand smoke. I was such a heavy smoker I never thought I'd quit, and how I was going to handle motherhood in that situation weighed on my mind a lot. Disgusting, pointless habit it is. Thanks to gum & the smokeless, odorless, harmless electronic cigarettes, I've finally kicked it to the curb. No choice really when your lung is indeed like a bicycle tire. ;-)OK now we’ve cured you of the smoking just need you to kick the kiddie habit…… Disgusting, pointless ordorful little maniacs that they are….and don’t give me that old argument “But you were a kid once”…Yes that is certainly true…..and look how badly that turned out….

You got some really amazing photography skills there, my friend, and it's great to be back into the swing of things a lil more each week. =)I've missed this blog so.The blog certainly missed you…. As for photo skills, it’s just a trusty technique of click enough times and something is bound to turn up….. Glad you are on the mend

P.S. My apologies if I've written a novel. I really wanted to catch up.And could you tell Vinnie to pass the Gabagool, from one Italian to another. lol. ;-) Always happy to read your prose even when they contain Gabagool? Is that some sort of antipasti?. I’ll pass it on to Vinnie but won’t be happy if I get a good slapping for it…..Not even Babel Fish could translate it for me….

Brooke said... Awesome pictures, but they absolutely look like they belong on the Las Vegas Strip at one of the less-popular hotels.I would say just off strip, in one of the more seedy areas and very popular with a certain type of punter and I don’t mean grannies in tracksuits (unless they have G-strings and porn shoes on underneath)…I would guess lots of polls would be used to keep the roof up …..

I'd totally go, just to make fun of the whole set-up :)Make fun of the set-up, are you kidding me…you would have been lynched by Kylieites. I only got out alive because I switched to a little pink sequined number ….

The one-legged skier convo makes me laugh. Too good. Especially since I've been skiing (again) for the past few weeks! Brooke, you are turning into a 24/7 365 day ski bunny…..

THUNDERCAT said... Kylie is too damn pretty to be fucking real!!!! And she seems to get even more good looking as the years go by! I bet she has a portrait in her attic that looks hideous….either that or she is transferring all her aging onto Jackie Stallone….