The Weakley Film News 10-7-2016

It’s already time for another reporting of insane film news update-y things! What is going on!?!

In this week’s ‘AAAAH, STOP IT!” story, Numerous companies, including Frenesy Film and Mythology Entertainment, are producing yet another remake of a classic film. Yes, Chloe Grace Moretz has joined Dakota Johnson, Tilda Swinton and Mia Goth in a remake of the 1977 Dario Argento horror classic, Suspiria.

I can hear horror fans tearing their hair out as I type this. The remake will be written by David Kajganich and directed by Luca Guadagnino (A Bigger Splash). I can’t imagine it will have even half the style that Dario Argento’s film had. Sigh…we have clearly entered one of the industry’s heavy remake periods. It’ll probably get worse before it gets better. Every time I think we’re going to see an influx of cool original indies, somebody seems to match it with rehashed material. Ugh.

In this week’s “One Small Constant” story, Actor Warwick Davis will appear in some way in Star Wars Episode XIII. Davis first appeared in the Star Wars universe as an Ewok in Return of the Jedi in 1983. Then he had a cameo in the pod-racing arena scene in The Phantom Menace, and even appeared in The Force Awakens as the alien Wollivan in Maz Kanata’s cantina. He will also be in Star Wars: Rogue One as well! I think it’s pretty cool that he’s continually showing up in all these films, even if we don’t always get to see his face. Just knowing he’s a part of them is great.

In this week’s “Yo ho ho, and a bottle of fuck off” story, the teaser trailer for Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales has been released and it looks just like the other Pirates films. Johnny Depp reprises his role as Captain Jack Sparrow, much to my dismay. The role that single-handedly made him nearly unbearable to watch yet also made him enough money to buy an island, is back to try and find Poseidon’s Trident which is supposed to give its’ possessor complete control over the seas.

I’d rather someone other than Depp take over his career choices. But, alas, that’s probably more difficult than finding a mythological sea god’s trident. As long as these things make money, we’re all screwed.

In this week’s “More Disney remakes” story, Disney is, of course, remaking their 1998 animated film, Mulan, into a live action version. Looking to fast-track it, Disney is currently searching for a Chinese actress to play the title character, Mulan.

No one is attached to direct yet, but Rick Jaffa and Amanda Silver (Jurassic World) were brought aboard to rewrite a spec script for Mulan that Disney bought in 2015. Jaffa and Silver also are working on the Avatar sequel (for better or worse). The Disney team saw the spec, by Lauren Hynek and Elizabeth Martin, as a jumping-off point for a more nuanced and elaborate adaptation, combining the legendary Chinese ballad and the 1998 animated film.

So I guess we should just expect every Disney animated classic to be made into a live action version eventually. I mean, Tim Burton’s next film is a live action Dumbo, so….whatever.

In this week’s “Gears of Celluloid” story, Microsoft and Universal have announced that the time is right for a Gears of War movie. Yep, they are developing a live action film based on the Gears of War video game, but it’s still not clear whether the movie will be a direct adaptation of the games, or a completely new story set in that universe.

The game, Gears of War 4, will be released on October 11. No idea yet about the film’s release date.

In this week’s “One step closer to domination” story, Netflix just made a deal with iPic Entertainment to release their films in theaters. iPic Entertainment is a small luxury movie theater chain with about 15 theaters across the country.

Under the deal, as first reported by the Wall Street Journal, the 10 Netflix films will screen at iPic theaters in L.A. and New York City, with the possibility of wider release. The next Netflix movie in the iPic queue is war thriller The Siege of Jadotville, starring Jamie Dornan (Fifty Shades of Grey), which premieres Oct. 7. That will be followed by Christopher Guest’s mockumentary Mascots on Oct. 13. This summer, iPic first tested showings of Netflix’s The Little Prince.

iPic is a small chain, but it still plays a significant role for Netflix’s plan to win an Oscar. Under the Academy rules, a film must play in a theater for at least 7 consecutive days, with multiple showings daily, and the venues must “regularly show new releases”, in order to be eligible to be nominated for an Oscar.

Netflix: playing with the big dogs, and changing the film industry at the same time.

In this week’s “Monkeying around” story, War for the Planet of the Apes comes out in 2017. And SlashFilm.com had a weird article asking whether or not the franchise could continue without the Caesar character. Uh, well, sure, why not? Of course, the article goes on to explain that it surely could because actor Andy Serkis could easily play any of the ape characters, and Caesar, who he has been playing so far, though important to the history of the apes, could die and the story could focus on any one of the other apes.

This all seems pretty obvious to me. Maybe it was a slow film news day for SlashFilm? Whatever.

In this week’s “dusting off an oldie” story, director Nicolas Winding Refn’s earlier films – pre-Drive – are fairly easy to find, except for his second film, Bleeder. For some reason that one got pushed by the wayside. Well now Refn has reacquired the rights to it and has remastered it with a new digital transfer. Bleeder will be made available for the public to see again.

Bleeder stars frequent Refn collaborator, actor Mads Mikkelsen, The Playlist is describing the film as “Clerks mixed with High Fidelity with a dash of Eraserhead and a crazy violent streak”. Ok. The premise sounds definitely like a Nicolas Winding Refn film. There are two stories to follow: a romance between a movie-obsessed man and a woman he meets; and a father-to-be becoming unraveled by the responsibilities of becoming a parent.

Yep. Sounds like a lot of potential for crazy. Now I want to see it.

In this week’s “Probably be better than the Warner Bros. DC movie” story, Sony Pictures is making a biopic film based on the guy who created Wonder Woman, Professor Marsten and the Wonder Woman.

The film will star Luke Evans, Bella Heathcote, and Rebecca Hall. The story focuses on Harvard psychologist Dr. William Moulton Marston, the inventor of the lie detector and creator of Wonder Woman, who defends his feminist superhero against charges of “sexual perversity.” Marston’s inspiration for Wonder Woman was his wife Elizabeth Marston and their lover Olive Byrne, two empowered women in the field of psychology.

In this week’s “Smell of desperation” story, Warner Bros. is trying to drum up some excitement for their Justice League movie for late next year. So much so that director Zack Snyder has released a little sizzle reel showing some behind the scenes stuff for people to watch and, well, supposedly get excited about.

The video shows how much fun Ben Affleck, Jason Momoa, Gal Gadot, and Ezra Miller are all having during various shoots. Quick shots of green screens, cables, and other things that make it look like there will be very little practical sets and effects. It’s all very “Look how much fun we’re all having! This is gonna be great!”

I remain unconvinced.

In this week’s “How existential of you…” story, Ben Affleck says the Batman movie doesn’t exist until it does. Ok, thanks for the philosophy lesson, Ben.

In an interview on Facebook Live, Ben was asked what the title of his Batman movie will be, and he said “we’re just going with The Batman or Batman movie’, and I said that, and everyone was like ‘Affleck announces the name of his Batman movie.’” But nothing is known yet – nothing. Ben continued, “..there is no Batman movie happening yet, we’re still trying to figure it out, you know, get the script and budget and all that stuff.”

So, it doesn’t exist until it exists. Ok, Kierkegaard.

And In this week’s “What the actual f-ck”, story, Sean Penn is now dating Vincent D’Onofrio’s 24 year old daughter, Leila.

Author: Neil Weakley

Hi. I'm Neil. I didn't go to film school so I don't really have to justify any of my opinions about why I like a film or not. So there. But I worked in film for a number of years, so I have hands-on experience. That, and I've known Chris Mancini for, like, 25 years or so. It really is all who you know. :)
I'm mostly, but not exclusively, a fan of sci-fi, comic book movies, horror, comedies, and weird independent films. If you're an average movie-goer and want to know what another average movie-goer thinks without all the "feelm school" gobbley-gook, hop on over to www.comedyfilmnerds.com and look for me, Neil T. Weakley. I won't steer you wrong. Or follow me on Twitter @FilmNerdNeil.