This has been a rough year! I had major surgery in May, my sister moved in with me in June, and recently my dad got really sick and ended up in the E.R. with what we were told was a stroke. Turns out it wasn’t a stroke but some bizarre infection.
As the oldest daughter (middle child), I have always been the ‘Fixer.’ Some might even refer to me as a co-dependent. Regardless of the label, somewhere along the line I lost ME. My hopes and dreams seem to mean very little to me lately. Not that I don’t still want them! It’s just that they seem so far away; almost unreachable.
I love my family but I have to come to the realization that I can’t be their savior. I can’t ref every argument, protect everyone’s feelings, and keep the people I love from being hurt. I can however have a say in guarding my own heart. It’s not selfish to think of me. If anything, it’s crucial to the survival of a fading reflection I see every time I look in the mirror.
So, how do I rekindle the fire within me and start chasing after my dreams again? I truly believe that I have to trust in one greater than all of us…yes God…and put those I love in His hands through prayer. I thank God that my dad is healed and I will always be there to help my parents. Still, I am in His hands as well and if I can’t even save myself, what makes me think that I can save anyone else! Time to dust off my dreams and make them come true. Time to find ME again:)

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Yes, 2014 is here and I was so blessed to fill the first page of this new year with wonderful moments spent at the top of a mountain. That’s me standing close to the cross in blue, with both arms stretched to the sky. It was a four mile or so hike up Mt Rubidoux and I had to stop several times just to take in the beautiful panoramic views of Riverside County. I felt like I was literally on top of the world! It’s funny how much bolder you feel and how everything in life seems POSSIBLE when you’re standing atop a mountain and seeing as far as the eye can see. Tall, corporate buildings look like scattered, tiny, white pieces of paper. Crowded freeways look like glistening curves of string. I thought about the stressful drive to work I make Mondays through Fridays, the demanding job I go to every week day. Looking over Riverside County, none of that seemed to matter. “This is what it’s all about,” I said to myself. “Climbing above the stress, the schedules and deadlines, and giving yourself the opportunity to put your life into perspective.” Every day of our lives should include some amount of joy, don’t you think? Of course, there will always be crowded freeways, demanding jobs,and family issues. But our approach to handling these realities of life should include an inner determination to not allow these circumstances to steal our peace. Yes, we laugh, we weep, and we pray. Life will always happen. If you have to get outside and climb a mountain to regain your strength, resolve and faith to go through these daily battles with boldness and hope, then by all means, do so! It also helps to have a close circle of friends, friends who ‘get you’ and love you anyway. None of us are perfect and when you find people who you can be real with, people who you can cry with and be vulnerable with without fear of judgement, hold on to them! They are priceless! I had the joy of spending the first day of 2014 with such friends. Perhaps the most humbling part of our hike was when we saw the cross from a distance and started to run towards it until we reached the cross at the top of the mountain! No matter your faith or belief, there is something so spiritual about standing at the foot of a cross that stands so tall, it seems to touch the sky. They’re were people around that cross from every walk of life and you know what? Race, color, and religion didn’t matter to any of them. They greeted one another warmly, talked openly about their hopes for a better year and shared bits of their lives. No one up here was a stranger. One common thread tied us together; hope. It’s this hope that I pray you the reader will hold onto in 2014. Guard it like a mother protecting her precious child because it’s that hope that will help you to press forward to another day, help you to step out into the deep and make your dreams come true, help you to forgive past hurts and let go of toxic people, help you to say “No” to things that aren’t right for you and “Yes” to things that make YOU happy. So, whatever you are facing right now or will face in the days to come, please don’t lose hope! I never will:)

I was so moved by this picture when my mother shared it with me on Facebook. She took one look at it and instantly thought of me. I had spoken with my mom earlier that day about how I wanted to stop allowing my thought life to control my physical outcomes. I’ve spent most of my life entertaining self destructing thoughts and inevitably those thoughts had convinced me that I would fail at everything I’d ever try in my life. THAT’S HOW POWERFUL OUR THOUGHTS CAN BE! I have a God given talent as an artist but was always afraid to share my work with others in fear of rejection. I always had an issue with how I looked because I am so tall and lanky and because of a scalp condition, always had short hair. Needles to say I never thought I was pretty. Everything I started, I stopped before I could finish in fear of what would be expected of me. It took me five years between junior college and private school to complete my Associate of Science degree in computer technology. Afraid of failing, I never used that degree once I completed it. I was once approached about a modeling career. I simply responded, “I’m too shy.” I WAS AFRAID OF SUCCESS!

But a change came in my late 30’s when I experienced a new found faith in God. Over the last ten years I’ve fought my thoughts with what the Word of God said about me; “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” – Psalms 139:14, “I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me” – Philippians 4:13, and my favorite, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11. These words have helped me these last ten years to let go of some heavy baggage that was slowing me down and making me tired both emotionally and physically. My baggage included FEAR, HURT, GUILT and LOW SELF-ESTEEM. Before I found my faith in God’s Word, these burdens plagued my 20’s and half of my 30’s. That’s a long time to live in fear!!!

Today, I am not saying that I don’t still feel fear, but I no longer cower under it’s gripping hold. I face it head on! I’d rather do things afraid than always wonder what could have been. Funny thing too, every time I step out ‘on the water’ I realize that the real fear was all in my head and I’d say to myself, “What was I so afraid of? This isn’t bad at all?” Sometimes I fail and sometimes I succeed. The difference between my 40’s and my 20’s and 30’s is that in my 40’s I at least TRIED. Now, I’m proud to say that as 2013 draws to a close, I have completed my Bachelor of Arts degree in Business Administration, I have an online art gallery showcasing all of my paintings, and I sold my first painting two months ago!

Whatever your faith or belief, I encourage you to quiet those negative thoughts clouding your mind. Don’t be embarrassed to talk to someone you trust; a pastor, encouraging friend or family member, or even a psychiatrist. There’s nothing to be ashamed of! this is YOUR LIFE we’re talking about! When you do this, the weight of all that baggage that has held you down will feel lighter. Why? Because you will look down one day and see that you’ve dropped every burden you carried, to the ground! The key to a happier 2014 my friends is that you DO SOMETHING. Put this plan into action to make a positive change in your life. I haven’t even personally met you and I can honestly tell you that you are worth it!!! So let’s drop that baggage and experience a wonderful 2014!!!

I had the best time this past weekend at the 7Th Annual Women of Purpose Conference in Chino! It refreshed me and reminded me that although it seems at times that my dreams and goals are so far away from my touch or may even appear TOO BIG or unrealistic, the FACT that I choose to dream and set goals means that I’m living my life ON PURPOSE instead of just letting my life go by, day in and day out. So, listen up friends (Yes, YOU I consider a friend), don’t give up on your dreams just because they may seem so far away. Pray on it, form a plan and then implement that plan. NEVER, EVER, EVER allow fear to keep you from living your life on purpose and making your dreams come true!!! Oh, and here is a BIGGIE; connect with people who encourage and uplift you. They don’t have to share your dreams. They just need to love you anyway and allow you to dream. Many times, no one but YOU will understand the road you have chosen to take. Still, it’s those select few who will walk that road with you. Embrace their friendship, because it is rare, and if this world has proven anything, it has proven that those things that are rare are valuable and yes, even PRICELESS!

My younger sister and I each have pet peeves that drive one another bonkers. We don’t always agree and sometimes can go a couple days with out talking to each other when life gets demanding. But the one person I know I can always share my heart with without being judged is my sister. She honestly is my Best Friend! When she hurts, I hurt. When she calls me with good news, I’m always excited for her. My sister and I have both struggled with our weight most of our lives. But with age comes wisdom, and after years of crazy crash diets, harmful pills like Phen Phen and poor self esteem, we both have reached a point in our 40’s where we LOVE who we are and how we look. We’ve discovered that our health is paramount to our happiness! So, we keep each other accountable with healthy eating habits and exercise, and yes, we still enjoy our yummy foods like ice cream and chocolates, just in moderation. Today, we had our sister time at Mimi’s Cafe and enjoyed THE BEST onion soup and crab cakes…YUMMMMM!!!

I encourage anyone reading this, who is struggling with liking who you see when you look in the mirror to seek out someone you can truly trust to be your accountability partner. Talk to them about how you’re feeling and choose a small goal you both can achieve together…something that will make you feel good about yourself. Join a 5K, try to kick an unhealthy habit like smoking, commit to walking every evening, etc. The key is to get you out of that ‘victim’ mentality and to give yourself a small attainable goal you can reach with the support of a friend. I am so glad I have my sister:) Remember, it’s not about being skinny, but being healthy! So, who will be your accountability partner? I want to know because I’d love to also cheer you on! Keep me posted:)

I am so excited about the Color Run in July. It’s so wonderful how this organization encourages health and wellness in every city they visit! This will be my first 5k and my friends (Fearless Chix is our group name) and I plan on taking tons of pictures. In preparation for my first 5k I’m walking/running a mile and will slowly work up to three miles. I’m glad this run isn’t timed because I may be doing a lot of walking…lol. Still it will be a blast! As far as nutrition, I’m sticking to fresh fruits, veggies, lean proteins and my favorite bread; 7 Sprouted Grain bread because it’s high in protein. As far as the junk food, well bye bye cookies and chips! Like I always say, “It’s not about being skinny. It’s about being healthy…AND HAPPY:)