For All You Losers

Have you tried this strategy: Offer the majority of your winnings to the patron saint of traders. I tried this strategy with St. Jude and he became over $600 for it.

Looking at the Church's menology, we find three glorified saints by the name of Parasceva: a second-century martyr of Rome, especially venerated among the Greeks; a third-century martyr from Iconium, a favorite of Russians, who consider her the patron saint of traders and guardian of family happiness; and their name-sake, the eleventh-century Serbian ascetic, beloved particularly by her countrymen and also by Romanians, the keepers of her incorrupt relics. Here we give the lives of two of these renowned women saints.

I meant to add that St. Jude is the patron saint of the hopeless, so naturally I would choose him to help with my golf game.

I saw a movie once where Robert Duval kept on saying "get the behind me satan", so when I was on a hot winning streak then I would repeat that over and over again but then I got to thinking that "get the behind me" might mean just the opposite of what I thought it meant.