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A little while ago, Bells wanted to see our favorite photos of ourselves. I have thought long and hard about this and I'll admit, it was tough. I never like how I appear in photos. I never look like what I think I look like. (does that make sense?) I'm always fatter than I imagine and I always have shiny skin or my hair looks funny. In my mind's eye, I look good and in photos I see this goofy looking woman. I have never had a lot of self confidence in the way I look so it didn't surprise me that I had a hard time. That was one reason I had the 'pin up' shot done for Pk two years ago. It challenged me to look at myself in a new way. I even put one in a frame and he has it on his desk at work.

And so I give you these. I apologize for the photos of the photos. I don't own a scanner and these are way before the advent of digital photos (when photographic evidence was still admissable). These are two of my favorite photos, both taken October 10, 1981.

This photo(the one on the left) is one of my all time favorites. We had it made into a large wall photo and it hangs in our living room. When we got married, we asked the photographer to take candid shots because we both felt we looked more natural that way. He caught the "eskimo kiss" photo and we didn't know it until we saw the proofs. The other photo is another candid shot. My favorite part is the look on Pk's face. He looks so happy. I have fond memories of our wedding day. It was a lovely fall day and we had such a good time. We had dated for 6 years before we got married and it just felt so right.

This kind of ties in with that marriage article. As I read her words, the author seemed to me to be justifying (for herself) her divorce. Marriage didn't work for her and therefore it shouldn't exist for anyone. I often feel dispair when I read how much people pay for weddings and the lengths they go to have a 'special day'. For me, any day I got married to the love of my life would automatically be a special day. We had a small wedding. My mother and I made my wedding dress and we had comfort food and good music. It wasn't about the day, it was about the lifetime to come. After almost 28 years (am I really that old?) it's still about the lifetime. It's about the day in and day out living, not the party or the clothes or the presents. (although, I firmly believe everyone who stays married this long deserves a 'marriage shower' where they can get sheets and towels and other necessities just like newlyweds. Our food processor is wearing out!). I think it should be more difficult to get a marriage license. We give them out with just a blood test. Maybe if it was harder to do, people wouldn't enter into it so easily. Maybe they'd give it some thought.

I'm no expert on relationships or marriage. I only know what has worked for us. And I'm well aware of the measure of luck that goes into all of this. But there is also stubbornness and laughter and hard work and joy and love. Mix it all together with a load of compromise and there it is.

It's time to go and fix dinner. I defrosted pork chops but Pk is jonesing for bacon. If I can rustle up the fixin's, it's BLTs for dinner. I am trying to whip up some baby socks for a coworker's baby boy who will be born soon. The shower was a little while ago but I had forgotten and I feel bad so baby socks are on the needles. Fortunately, they're quick and easy. If I'm really ambitious, I'll make a matching hat.

I have a half day tomorrow and Friday is a holiday. This means fireworks on Friday night and then Pk and I are planning a day at the lake on Saturday. That is, if we get up and get there early enough. It tends to fill up quickly on holidays. It's supposed to be sunny on Saturday and Kate and El are going to to with us so it should be a good day. I love the lake. Sitting on the beach and watching children run around and laugh and eating french fries (for some reason they taste so much better there) and knowing that I have to relax because there is nothing for me to do.

Whether you're celebrating or not, have a good weekend.

and I almost forgot,

Happy Birthday, Canada!

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Comments

Ha ha! Marriage shower! That's not a bad idea! We're coming up on 10 years and I've noticed my fry pans I got as gifts--the handles are starting to fall off!

But seriously, you're right. I'm a big believer in holding each other to our vows--it's the "...or worse" part that sucks the hardest. But I've often told Dr. MS I love him--worms and all. Yuck. Can you imagine being married to a perfect man? Bo-ring! ;0)

Oh, a 10-year anniversary shower would be awesome. My day, too, was about the marriage, not the wedding. We came very close to simply eloping. I don't like being the center of attention, plus we preferred to save for a down payment on a house rather than throw a huge expensive wedding. My dress cost $50--it was my mother's, and we needed to get it cleaned. I didn't have a shower because we weren't having guests to the ceremony, and I felt a shower without a wedding invite to follow would be a blatant request for a gift, and very faux-pas-ish. Anyway, long story short, by the time I had two kids and falling-apart pans I had a mini-meltdown while buying yet another expensive registry item for someone who didn't even cook, and I bought myself a set of Calphalon pans.

Our 10th anniversary is at the end of the summer. Have I earned some new towels and a set of dishes yet, do you think? ;)

I have a friend who married a brilliant, charming, fascinating guy. A few years after their first child was born, he had a motorcycle accident without a helmet and suffered significant brain damage. He's not the man she married, but she married for better or worse, and she stayed with him. They still have a loving, successful marriage. They made it work.

I think that marriage is work. It's like a job in some ways. You have to really put a lot into it and I'm not sure that people completely understand that. They put so much energy into getting engaged, the wedding and the reception that they don't have anything left for the marriage itself.

That said, I don't begrudge anyone the wedding they want. Do it up big if that's what makes you happy. Just remember that the pictures don't make the wedding nor the marriage itself. It's the people in them. Your wedding pictures demonstrate that beautifully!

You both look SO happy--and I'm right there with you--it's not the WEDDING that's important (although it's nice) it's the MARRIAGE. A lot of people forget that. And I want a marriage shower--I think that's an AWESOME idea.

And I agree, I read about these weddings where the flowers alone cost thousands of dollars, and to me, that's not what marriage is all about.

We went up in a hot-air balloon after the reception (a gift from my parents), and I often think what a great metaphor that was for the whole wedding-and-then-marriage thing: the wedding (I keep typing "weeding") is the fantasy flight up in the air. The marriage is when you land.

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