This blog is solely written to convey the many thoughts and feelings I, Alicia Marie, experience throughout my day to day life. Along the way, I hope to bring my readers something they can relate to. My purpose is to make people smile, and to cry (tears of joy, that is), and to make them feel like they're not alone in this world.

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Sunday, December 2, 2012

Dear life, STOP IT!

Saying that life this past month has been rough would be a major understatement. Basically, our lives have been turned upside down slowly for the last two years, but this past week, the bottom fell out. I feel as though I'm in a constant battle with life. One day I feel like I'm floating along nicely, and then all the sudden life tosses us around like a rag doll and nearly tears us to shreds.

I'm desperately trying to keep my head held high, but most days it's hard. I will say, I'm thankful for a job that I still love. Every day, I don't grumble when I have to get out of bed and go to work. I want to work. That has been my saving grace.

Both Luke and I have talked the last few weeks. We're both slowly slipping into depression. I see it in him. He withdraws from people, talks less, and just looks sad. I, too, am struggling with depression. This isn't anything new for me. In fact, I've come out of depression enough times the last few years that I see the signs on my own. I become snappy, I begin to withdraw from people, I am overly sensitive and cry (all the time), and I want sweet tea and chocolate more than normal. I'm not going to lie, it has been a rough year (or 3). I try not to focus on the negative things (which is one thing after another these days), but most days it's all that crosses my mind.

I need prayer. Luke needs prayer. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers because we desperately need it.

Just like everything else that life has thrown our way, I know that it will all be okay in the end. But, in the midst of major trials, it's hard to see past our current situation and trust in something that seems impossible.

Broken--By Lifehouse

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (in the pain), is there healing
In your name (in your name) I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on,

I'm holdin' on,

I'm holdin' on

I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain(In the pain) there is healing
In your name I find meaning

2 comments:

Big, big hugs! Life is hard but God is good! Friend, I know the past couple of years have been harder than anything you've gone through before but God has given you such a grace and beauty radiates from your words. I understand fighting against the darkness of life and clinging to HIM with all I have....I will be praying for both you and Luke. I know God is carrying you and I know that He has a plan and a purpose in this pain. When I struggle I just keep reminding myself that "When I am weak HE is strong" He is strong in you. He loves you. He is with you...always! Cling to Him and His truths and if you need anything please let me know! May the big hugs and many prayers buoy you, sustain you and encourage you....Lisa

About Me

I'm a 24 years old foster mom to three kiddos ages 3 and under. Not too long ago I felt that I knew what life was going to be like. I would have a full time job, 2 kids, a house, and two dogs. Like most things in life, we do not always get what we dream of, but I can say that I have been given more than I could ever imagine for myself. I'm here to share my experiences--the good, the bad, and the ugly--and in turn I hope to inspire you and bring hope to your life.