Awkward Everyday Stuff

Okay, hear me out. Please don't jump to conclusions too quickly. Also, I'm not trying to deter you from playing Neopets, but I just want to know your thoughts.

So it has been about 3 months since I "quit neopets". When I say quit, I do not spend more than 20 minutes a day there anymore. Lately, I've been offline for days at a time. Even new NC items don't excite me anymore. When I was truly addicted, I spent 1-2 hours a day there IF I HAD THE SELF-CONTROL to limit myself. Now, I feel so impassioned for the game to the point where I am not compelled to do dailies anymore. Even with the recent Catacombs and Meth Flowers events, I don't spend more than 10 minutes of the before resorting to a program if one existed for that particular event. Of course, I still AB and cheat just for fun and to BD other people and get some sort of satisfaction. Recently, the only reason why I spend more than 20 minutes a day in neopets is to start trading away NP on tumblr and it requires effort to auction the unbuyables at low prices and setting small profit unbuyables as 99999.

I consider truly quitting Neopets as in not having the will to be active in the guilds boards, tendency to not complete at least 30% of the site events, and most of all: stop lurking there. Cutting off ties completely is too much of a expectation to consider really quitting.

I just feel the like sense of wonder that I experienced when I was younger is no longer obtainable and it's not because I learned that everything occurs at a rate or there is a guide for everything. I don't find myself thinking after a long day of class: I have to do my dailies and fight in the Cosmic Dome until I get all 15 items. I'm at the point that if my current build-up main (I make new mains until they get frozen because I like rebuilding) or my 11 year main gets frozen, I wouldn't bother filing a ticket. Sure, I would be disappointed with the years of effort disappearing and over 3 rows of site event trophies gone, but it's now just a relic that has no useful value for me in the future. I considered selling it, but I feel that either I should be the one keeping it or get it frozen since there are memories in it that are of true worth to me alone.

Don't worry about me quitting NeoCodex. People here entertain me unlike the buttcrunch of brown-nosers inside the game. Unlike the actual site, I've met people here who I have learned to love more than just admiring a userlookup chock full of trophies or an avatar. I'm happy that I'm spending my idle time here because despite the differences in opinion and the developing sense of compromise, tolerance, control, and understanding that people have yet to learn, you are all real to me as if you are sitting with in a booth with me at the local tavern, drinking God knows what. Even if I do quit Neopets 100%, I'll still hang here. You're all worth the time.

I disappeared for a month because I was so determined to make my senior year of undergrad the best it can be. A part of my resolution was to quit neopets and evidently Neocodex as well. So I froze my main, gave away my shells. Speaking of shells, if you have proxied a shell (or any account for that matter), be wary of giving them to people because the sudden shift of IP can get people frozen because of "this account's password was easily guessable" or "account no longer belongs to the original owner" and shit. Four of six people people were raging because they were chain iced. Whoopsie.

School started August 8th and I took the time to read ahead the 10 days prior and apply for my second internship as well as applying for City Year since I plan to take a break before grad school and get some money and experience at the same time. Lotsa stuff happened, but they're boring logistics like studying for the GREs and my cousin getting married to a Persian model. NBD.

So now, I'll be in Codex as a non-playing member. I'll can still middleman since I had that account still, talk shit about others, SS for Team Codex, but I'll end up giving the accounts away to people who want the prizes,and play in official/unofficial competitions. But I refuse to play Neopets AB and invest myself in the game again.

With that said, I am now taking bets in NeoCodex credits as to when I'll create an account to actually play. The payouts are as follows

1 week from now 2:1

2-4 weeks from now 3:1

1-3 months from now 5:1

3-6 months from now 10:1

6-12 months from now 20:1

Just a clarification, I still have the 8-ish shells I used to SS for Tyrannia so the bet excludes those since I'll use those for Team Codex.Lol, jk, unless you actually want to bet lol.

So I'll float, I won't be on everyday since I have three seminar classes that forces me to know my stuff and participate on a daily basis.

Since everyone is making a blog for ACNL, I'll make one too Your blog, Futurama, inspired me to do so. bitch.

Unlike other good blogs, mine will lack all pictures.

So I've been playing the game for like 2 hours a day, mostly to leech off the resources in the Tropical Island.

I've been making at least 60K per visit (mind you, I fill all 4 sections of the straw basket). On good days, I made 120K per visit. I love how sharks are so common there. I even have a sunfish in my room. IT HAS A BIG HEAD by tiny little flippers. SO KAWAII!!! desu ne~?

Nothing in my town has been too exciting. I think I've been on the island the being in my own town. I did get that cobblestone bridge done and have a fountain. Other than that I've been planting exotic fruit everywhere and made everyone insomniacs like me.

One thing that did catch my eye was that there was a giant blanket between the space of Nooklings and the Able sister's shops.I have not checked any of the guides yet, but I excited.

I want to visit your town! If you're interested, PM so we can be like best buds and stuff and so that I can leech off your land and stuff. My friend code? It's somewhere in that Animal Crossing thread.

This blog has nothing to do with love, but it does have to do something with sight.

Today, my friends and I were talking about small awkward experiences in relationships. One of them was making out with your eyes open. Most of us agreed that we close our eyes when we make out with people because it's an eye strain to focus your eyes on something so close. But what do you do when you have someone is literally an inch away staring at your eyes?

To me, I just close my eyes just because I hate seeing the people I date and/or xxxx as cyclops when we get extremely close.

So what do you do when you're in this type of situation? It doesn't have to be an amorous or carnal situation. Maybe someone is helping you get an eyelash out of your eye or wiping off something off your face or you're in one of those leadership workshops that require you to get within breathing distance of another.

About 3 weeks ago, one of my close friends came out to me. The whole discussion lasted for hours and I stood there listening and trying to make out what he was wanting to say. He said he had a huge crush on me since we were both in orientation few years back and he had these feelings ever since. He is still closeted by his own reasons (we live in a very liberal and moderately open college campus community. If people were gay, they were out without most problems except for the uncomfortable stares from the incoming first-years). Out of all the things he said at that night, the one thing that really struck me was that he wanted me to be his first.

A little bit about me: I'm a bisexual male who was sexually active since I was 17. I'm completely out and the students and professionals around me acknowledge my sexuality. I personally can't keep a relationship because I really don't have a real desire to have one. I think I may be broken in the sense that the genuine love of having a partner love and support you for the rest of your life is a completely alien idea to me. However, I really enjoy occasional sex with people I know better than complete strangers. I'm not sure if I'm emotionally and mentally independent or borderline sociopathic.

So back to the night of his confession. After hours of talking, we ended up sleeping in my room in the same bed(I'm an RA so I don't have a roommate to worry about). The premise behind this agreement was for him to slowly experiment and that there should be no feelings during the cuddling. At first it was just arms-wrapping, spooning,and some fondling for a while. Later that morning, he wanted to know what it was like to make out. It was awkward teaching him how to make out since it was like teaching a Rottweiler how to not slobber everywhere. From my standpoint, I was completely bored and was just amusing him while he experiments but to him, he gets really into it and gets all feral with his hands.

I waited the next morning for him to wake up. After he washed up, I had to have a talk with him. I felt like he was really taking this far by the way he acted in bed. Maybe it was the repressed sexuality he was slowly unraveling that made me suspect that he really wanted to "love" me which I emotionally can't stand. In hindsight, I wouldn't mind marrying a potential lawyer with a body or face I can't complain about.

I asked him what he really wanted. Did he want to continue experimenting with me? Did he really want to be my boyfriend? Is he just using me for sex (which I really don't mind)? His response to my questions really shocked me. He said he was straight, but he only wants to be gay for me only (Side Note: I would best describe him as pan-sexual meaning someone who sexually loves another regardless of gender or sexuality). This instantly struck me as possible "danger relationship zone" and I wanted to run as far as possible. I had to make sure by asking me why he "loved" me and it bothered me that most of his reasons were because of my inner self and not so much physical or situational attractions.

I had to draw the boundaries before my worst fears occur: an overly attached lover that loves me which all his/her heart while I don't even give a rat's ass about them. I asked him if he was willing to continue having sex with me whenever he or I wanted. In other words, a booty call. I made it clear by saying that I will never develop feelings for him and there is no chance of romance that will come from us having sex once in a while. He was torn, but he accepted.

During the two weeks during classes and RHA (I'm the President, he is the Treasurer), he kept giving me really awkward looks that to him, seemed seductive. It was distracting when the Executive Board had to plan the remainder of Spring Programming and alarming when I found him staring at me during TV Criticism and Aesthetics from across the row. These small hints really bothered me quite a bit.

Last Thursday night was the night before everyone leaves for Spring Break. I asked him, what he was thinking, hoping that he would tell me how he really felt and what he really wanted and if any of that changed with us having frequent secret rendezvous . He told me that it's fine just having this sex only relationship because he knew that this would be the only time he could be completely free with me. He thanked me for everything. Later that night, he was especially horny. /fastforwards

In bed, he said "I Love You". ABANDON SHIP! was running through my mind, but I didn't do or say anything at that moment since I knew that he's still experimenting and has no idea what not to say. When we both woke up, I told him we had to stop and I think that he "experimented" enough. He pulled me down and just clung onto me. He then started to cry into my shoulder. He then said what he really wanted to love me as my partner and be a couple. He affirmed me that he would risk the relationship with his parents just to be with me. He said a lot of other stupid things that showed that he'd just really desperate to be with me. He said that he wouldn't miss the sex as much as he did for being with me overall. At that time, I couldn't say I'll be with him because I really lack any emotional attachment to him other than one of the few that stayed as my friend for most of my college career. If anything, I liked how he got better at sex in a short period of time.

This is what I said: I am really sorry, but there is no way I will ever return the feelings back to you. Find other men or women to love because I feel guilty at my end because you put so much thought into this whereas I only think "I'm gonna get some ass tonight." I love you as my friend, but I will never see myself being the partner you dreamed of. It's not because I feel inadequate or anything, but I am at a point where I cannot foster any emotional attachments with anyone. It isn't fair for you to work so hard while only get treated like sex item in return. I'm really sorry.

As much as he hated the truth, he accepted that understanding full-heartedly this time. However, he still wanted to keep the booty calls for the end of the semester at least. Everyone in the end wins, hopefully.

WARNING: Venting, no logic present. This is not to change your beliefs. I will never convert you to christianity, santanism, jedi-ism, haruhism, mlpism, etc.. I will also never tell you to drop your beliefs (unless you are hurting anyone under government laws).

Spoiler

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF YOU HAVE A FAITHFUL TO A RELIGION OR JUST DON'T BELIEVE IN AN INVISIBLE HIGHER POWER.

EITHER WAY, DON'T SHOVE DOWN YOUR BELIEFS DOWN MY THROAT.

that is all.

Spoiler

I'm tired of both sides complaining and moaning and bitching without practical repercussions that lead to world progression. How about this: How about a war between the overly religious and the rigidly atheistic and just have at it. At least in the end, no matter what side wins, a good chunk of the violently irrational will be wiped off the face off the earth.

I see the same arguments about it and it's getting boring. Do some more research about it. I'd rather have informed (as in reaching very high levels of understanding, but not necessarily believing the "logical" path) assholes than ignorant (98% of the internet) saints. Posting your anti-religious pics on tumblr or posting your faith on Facebook is all good and dandy, but don't expect me to be on your side.

I do not want to feel guilty and perditioned from breaking laws made by you or an invisible force OR feel internally insecure and purposeless from being hindered from having my own belief.

So let's just be one happy family and say that religious or atheistic, humanity is a clusterbomb of ideas and even if we want another side to die off the face of the earth, someday we too will be wiped off another reason just because we believe differently.

I decided to watch an old Power Rangers episode from when I was 10. I couldn't remember the exact episode. All I remember was how a Power Ranger stood up for a monster despite how they look. That episode made a huge difference in my childhood because if I ddin't watch it, I would probably been more outwardly and internally racist as my parents.

When I did find the episode after some researching, the episode had the same impact to me as in when I was younger.The saying "Never judge a book's by its cover" gets old, but the message in this episode still strikes a chord in my heart today.

Not to mention that the acting is 100% better than Power Ranger Samurai (most recent) and actually has life lessons.

The link is below if you want to watch it. It is episode 19 of Power Rangers Time Force: Trip Takes a Stand.

I was studying at the Atrium and my best friend who pisses me off 44/57 of the time started bothering me. He knows that I use my iPhone to listen to music while I study to block off my distractions. It never occurred to him that he is a distraction as well.

He starts to talk to me just to piss me off about his last rugby game and getting wasted at the last AEPi party. I did my best to just ignore him.

On my phone, I set this youtube video on repeat and just listen to music because I love the remix and major lazer's work has been stuck in my mind since Cab's two year ago (I don't bother downloading music since I use Pandora most of the time).

My phone buzzed because of a text message from my RHA advisor and that idiot picked up my phone to read it. Since he too has an Iphone, he has a tendency to always swipe open phones to reply. So he swipes it open the video was on the "flying fuck" scene at 2:17

NSFW

Spoiler

This hasn't been really awkward, but it did shut him up. However, he thought I was into gang banging for watching that video.