TheDumbBlonde:The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon. They would appreciate if cash is given instead of gifts'. I'm sure that some people might construe that as rude but it's not really that bad and at least then the guests know the score. It's certainly better than chastising people afterwards for not paying their way.

jst3p:noitsnot: Lorelle: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon...

Yes, it is.

If the happy couple wants a great honeymoon, perhaps they shouldn't spend so much on the wedding.

He's saying "money instead of a blender". Most people get married older (or twice) nowadays, and they already have all the kitchen shiat they need.

Have a goddamn registry.

Think of it as a registry with just one gift on it. Cash.

That said, if you didn't specify beforehand, you have no right to complain, and even if you did and somebody got you something you weren't expecting, you should at least be gracious about it.

jst3p:noitsnot: Lorelle: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon...

Yes, it is.

If the happy couple wants a great honeymoon, perhaps they shouldn't spend so much on the wedding.

He's saying "money instead of a blender". Most people get married older (or twice) nowadays, and they already have all the kitchen shiat they need.

Have a goddamn registry.

No - we already have two houses' worth of shiat. We don't need anymore shiat - we have to get rid of a bunch of it. Just give money. It's easy. But no - you're gonna give me that third bread machine, aren't ya.

jigger:mrswood: Horrible people. wedding receptions are about celebrating your newly shackled-ness with your favorite friends and family. presents and cash are a perk of course. my reception took an interesting turn when i was introduced to an alleged catholic tradition of stuffing money in my dress and pinning money to my dress.[img.fark.net image 551x720]

Right. The money dance.

Rye_: jigger: Rye_: When my wife and I were married, I was actually shocked at how many people DID give us cash. We weren't expecting that.

Do people not do the money dance? Is that just a "where I'm from" thing?

20 months ago, wedding venue, reception, food, flowers, cake, the works....$16,000. Had a great party with great people. Didn't even look at the gifts for a week...I was busy with my wife and she was busy with me. As a guest I would not have given the basket as a host I would not have biatched about it. They can both DIAF.

In fairness, this was one of the brides was claiming it's a laughingstock. My guess is that the guests at the pool party were awkwardly laughing and thinking about how superficial the bride was as she ranted about the gift and made a showpiece of it.

I'd like to think that's how it happened, but have a hard time believing too many non-jackasses would want to hang out with the horrid bride.

Attention people who are getting married. Your wedding is for you, not anyone else. You are throwing yourself your own party in your own honor. To expect anyone else to pick up any part of that tab is beyond ridiculous. Now most people will bring a gift because that is the socially acceptable thing to do. But unless your invitation specifically states that you must bring a gift to attend and furthermore includes a minimum amount for the gift then consider yourself lucky to get what you do.

noitsnot:jst3p: noitsnot: Lorelle: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon...

Yes, it is.

If the happy couple wants a great honeymoon, perhaps they shouldn't spend so much on the wedding.

He's saying "money instead of a blender". Most people get married older (or twice) nowadays, and they already have all the kitchen shiat they need.

Have a goddamn registry.

No - we already have two houses' worth of shiat. We don't need anymore shiat - we have to get rid of a bunch of it. Just give money. It's easy. But no - you're gonna give me that third bread machine, aren't ya.

If you don't need anything why are you expecting a gift?Did you give me back the gift I gave you at your last marriage that failed? How many wedding gifts am I expected to give an individual over a lifetime?

It's stories like this that make me realize how great my wife is. We had a BBQ for all our friends and family for our wedding reception and pocketed our parent's generous wedding fund. We never had to live in an apartment at any point in our marriage.

If you're ever on Oahu, look me up. We can to Koko Head Range for bang-bang in the morning, break for lunch, then have a couple of drinks on the beach, if you're into that kind of thing. I don't currently own a firearm, but that won't be a problem.

I'm not flirting, I just enjoy target shooting, and could probably learn a lot from you.

jigger:Kraftwerk Orange: space1999: <i>Weddings are to make money for your future</i>

Seriously? Who thinks this?

People who place no value on friends or family. Because if the money runs out, they're all you're going to have...

You think if their money runs out they'd still have friends? Family, maybe. Maybe.

Well, maybe not those people if that's their social norm. My friends, however, are cheap, loyal bastages, and aren't going anywhere.

The Kraftwerk Orange nuptials were free, because our minister likes us and thought that a church wedding was part of the deal to have us as members. The reception was a blast, small, but well provisioned by a local tapas bar for an extremely reasonable price. We didn't want to do the whole Charleston "shrimp and grits" cliche that's been done to death.

The sound of one hand clapping:Ah, fair enough. Seems the general consensus is that it is rude then. I guess that wouldn't have been a good idea for them either.I've actually had a couple of wedding invitations that had this on the card. Didn't seem rude to me at the time but being a single guy it's not like weddings are something that interest me much.

It's pretty common to tell people where you're registered. It's an entirely different thing to get upset if they don't buy you something from the registry, or give you something that doesn't meet your satisfaction.

noitsnot:jst3p: noitsnot: Lorelle: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon...

Yes, it is.

If the happy couple wants a great honeymoon, perhaps they shouldn't spend so much on the wedding.

He's saying "money instead of a blender". Most people get married older (or twice) nowadays, and they already have all the kitchen shiat they need.

Have a goddamn registry.

No - we already have two houses' worth of shiat. We don't need anymore shiat - we have to get rid of a bunch of it. Just give money. It's easy. But no - you're gonna give me that third bread machine, aren't ya.

Actually for the last wedding I went to, the invites basically said "the bride and groom already have everything they need - this is their favorite charity, please donate to it if you would like to celebrate their union with a gift" or some similar verbiage.

TheDumbBlonde:"Cover your plate" is concept unheard of where I come from. Some people are raised by wolves.

It's what people who view weddings as profit centers think. And they are trying to convince the rest of us that we're the idiots. Idiots who think that funding someone else's wedding and/or honeymoon and/or first house is an "honor."

noitsnot:noitsnot: jst3p: noitsnot: Lorelle: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon...

Yes, it is.

If the happy couple wants a great honeymoon, perhaps they shouldn't spend so much on the wedding.

He's saying "money instead of a blender". Most people get married older (or twice) nowadays, and they already have all the kitchen shiat they need.

Have a goddamn registry.

No - we already have two houses' worth of shiat. We don't need anymore shiat - we have to get rid of a bunch of it. Just give money. It's easy. But no - you're gonna give me that third bread machine, aren't ya.

Actually for the last wedding I went to, the invites basically said "the bride and groom already have everything they need - this is their favorite charity, please donate to it if you would like to celebrate their union with a gift" or some similar verbiage.

The sound of one hand clapping:In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon. They would appreciate if cash is given instead of gifts'.

I agree with you. My girlfriend and I already lived alone before we moved in together and now have 2 blenders, 2 knife sets, etc. The last thing in the world we need is stuff for the house. I ran the idea by her to just ask for money and she looked at me with horror, like I'd suggested charging for admission. She actually said we should register for gifts we don't need and then return them. What the hell is the point of that? Why make someone drive across town for a present we don't want when they would probably be happier writing a check?

Rye_:When my wife and I were married, I was actually shocked at how many people DID give us cash. We weren't expecting that. We just wanted to have a great party with our family and friends.

I've never heard that "the purpose of a wedding is to make money." Laura sounds like a horrible person.

Same here, and my wedding was just back in October. We ran the gamut of no gift at all from some people (which is perfectly fine, I'm just glad they came), to getting a $500 check from someone I had never even spoken to before and everything in between.

I don't even bother with registries. If I'm going to a wedding, it's because either the bride or the groom is a friend of mine. If you're a friend of mine, I know you, and I know what you like/need for your life together.

If I don't consider someone a good friend, and I need to look up a registry for a gift, I'm not going to the wedding.

Getting married in October and I have little to do with planning anything (except input on the food, cake, and honeymoon destination - you know, the important shiat).

A lot of supposed "wedding etiquette" has taken me by surprise, but I'll confirm that everything I hear from family, friends and wedding planners leads me to believe that "covering the plate" is generally the norm in America. Not that I care or have even thought about it till I read this whining biatch bag's story, but it seems everyone (except me?) seemed to know this information going in. Whatevs.

My questions would be 1) how in the name of baby jesus did you get to $200 a person? Were they having gold crusted steak stuffed with Fabrege eggs? We have a four hour open bar and choice of prime rib or some chicken dish the future Mrs. Patronick313 loved at the tasting and it's not even close to 100 a person. That just seems insane. And 2) In what universe does scolding a wedding guest not just make you feel like a completely ungrateful super coont? If I were her family I'd be humiliated. The lack of class this couple showed was just weapons grade. You write a thank you, tell them you loved it and should be grateful they choose to spend their time and money on your special day.

mrswood:Horrible people. wedding receptions are about celebrating your newly shackled-ness with your favorite friends and family. presents and cash are a perk of course. my reception took an interesting turn when i was introduced to an alleged catholic tradition of stuffing money in my dress and pinning money to my dress.[img.fark.net image 551x720]

Lots of Catholicism where I live (high Filipino immigrant/descendant population). I refuse to participate in that tacky crap. I think it's just terrible! I don't get invited to many weddings, thank goodness.

I would never want a woman so vapid and mindless and to want to do all this vapid stupid waste of money wedding bullshiat. Talk about your uber rich, white people problems. The only thing more self absorbed and horrible than a soon to be "wedding industry" bride is a new yuppie mother to a toddler.

pmmal:I was with the gift-givers until they engaged the brides in their ungrateful assholery. The proper response to a rude question is a shutdown answer and then silence. When they asked for a receipt, the guests should have sent them a bill for the suit, dress, travel, time off work, et al. Then deduct $40 for cost of gift and sign "You'll get your receipt when we get your payment."

Pretty much this.However, the rudeness was so over the top it just had to be shared.

Rye_:jigger: mrswood: Horrible people. wedding receptions are about celebrating your newly shackled-ness with your favorite friends and family. presents and cash are a perk of course. my reception took an interesting turn when i was introduced to an alleged catholic tradition of stuffing money in my dress and pinning money to my dress.[img.fark.net image 551x720]

Right. The money dance.

Rye_: jigger: Rye_: When my wife and I were married, I was actually shocked at how many people DID give us cash. We weren't expecting that.

Do people not do the money dance? Is that just a "where I'm from" thing?

We didn't even have a discussion about that. It's tacky.

But the wedding itself isn't.

Many weddings are tacky, I suppose.

there was no like dollar dance or whatevs, just guests politely giving me cash. i was a little weirded out but just went with it. nice surprise for me...i mean US.

Pincy:noitsnot: noitsnot: jst3p: noitsnot: Lorelle: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon...

Yes, it is.

If the happy couple wants a great honeymoon, perhaps they shouldn't spend so much on the wedding.

He's saying "money instead of a blender". Most people get married older (or twice) nowadays, and they already have all the kitchen shiat they need.

Have a goddamn registry.

No - we already have two houses' worth of shiat. We don't need anymore shiat - we have to get rid of a bunch of it. Just give money. It's easy. But no - you're gonna give me that third bread machine, aren't ya.

Actually for the last wedding I went to, the invites basically said "the bride and groom already have everything they need - this is their favorite charity, please donate to it if you would like to celebrate their union with a gift" or some similar verbiage.

Generosity should not be quantified; that is to say Hope for it but don't expect it. I am of the opinion that money is nice but it is SUPER tacky to request it in lieu of gifts.

For me, I actually didn't ask for any gifts back when I was married; I mean, who needs more stuff? (I suppose young couples might, but still...) - also, I refused to ask for cash. I just simply requested that people wrote checks to a handful of charities, like the Heart Association, etc.

I'm putting a hard cap of $5,000 on my wedding. My current girlfriend is slowly coming around to how much of a racket the wedding industry is and if you just take 5 minutes to do any of the stuff you "have to do" on your own you can spend less than half what people usually spend.

/She gave me shiat at first saying "But it's my special day and I've been looking forward to it forever." I said "Well it's my special day too and I'm not spending the money we could spend on a brand new car for a 5 hour party."//Seriously, I've organized events for 250+ people for a nonprofit with a yearlong budget of $50,000, large events are not as expensive as wedding magazines and moron girlfriends make you think.

TheDumbBlonde:"Cover your plate" is concept unheard of where I come from. Some people are raised by wolves.

It is new to me. Probably invented by the same shallow bastards who judge proposal worth by carat count, or some New York City culture writer trying to establish a dollar value metric for what used to be etiquette and courtesy.

I've never in my life considered the cost of the reception when considering how I'd like to honor the new couple.

Then again, I go to weddings to celebrate with my friends and family. Any wedding where I would be expected to consider the cost of your own celebration is a wedding for a vapid attention whore who sees me as little more than a sales call.

This is a cultural mismatch. Poor people in Italy and Eastern Europe threw enormous weddings, and the whole village chipped in to pay for it. The English-German culture that preceded them to America expected the bride's father to cover the whole thing. If they were poor, they had a very modest wedding.

But bridezilla there could have done a little research before she let her friends have it. Coming from English Protestant roots, I've never given a wedding gift worth more than $50, and I've given cash only when I couldn't think of something more thoughtful. My wife and I paid for our wedding, with an open bar, a DJ and heavy hors d'ouevres, and the whole thing ran us about five grand. I don't recall getting any cash gifts. Hell, I can only really recall one gift we got, a carving board that I use all the time.

Patronick313:A lot of supposed "wedding etiquette" has taken me by surprise, but I'll confirm that everything I hear from family, friends and wedding planners leads me to believe that "covering the plate" is generally the norm in America.

Except that nowadays they spend so much on weddings that covering the plate can be a lot more than you think it is.

If you need to rely on people "covering the plate" in order to throw your wedding then you need to have a less expensive wedding.

So this is why the homogays have been pushing for marriage? Because they wanted to make it a money making venture? CHRIST, wasn't it enough to have a monopoly on wedding planning, decorating, and styling the brides? They want the money on both ends.

Jeez, this is like my dad selling condoms with holes poked in them to sailors, and my mom performed abortions.My, how the money rolled in.

My wife and I were married 9 years ago in August. We were both only a year out of school so we kept our wedding cheap. ~$5K for the whole thing. We had a bunch of family and friends and everyone was happy. Our most expensive gift? A $50 set of steak knives that still get used regularly. And we were thrilled. I went to a Korean friend's wedding and the food was over $75 a plate. Before we got to the open bar... again, we were only a few years out of school so their gift was under $100. And you know what? They sent a thank you note and we still get together a few times a year even though we live on opposite sides of the country.

bmfderek:I don't even bother with registries. If I'm going to a wedding, it's because either the bride or the groom is a friend of mine. If you're a friend of mine, I know you, and I know what you like/need for your life together.

If I don't consider someone a good friend, and I need to look up a registry for a gift, I'm not going to the wedding.

This is how it was for the last invite I got where they asked for money. If they hadn't specified in the invitation what they wanted, I'd have asked the groom, who is one of my best mates. That would have probably gone something like this:

'So, what do you want as a gift for your wedding?''Dunno. Money would be useful I guess.''OK, cool.'

No stress. No hurt feelings. No need for any arguments after the fact. But then we are guys so blessedly things like that are pretty damn simple.

The sound of one hand clapping:TheDumbBlonde: The sound of one hand clapping: In all seriousness, it's not really that rude to state on the invitation something like 'The happy couple are trying to put together enough money for a great honeymoon. They would appreciate if cash is given instead of gifts'. I'm sure that some people might construe that as rude but it's not really that bad and at least then the guests know the score. It's certainly better than chastising people afterwards for not paying their way.

Ah, fair enough. Seems the general consensus is that it is rude then. I guess that wouldn't have been a good idea for them either.

I've actually had a couple of wedding invitations that had this on the card. Didn't seem rude to me at the time but being a single guy it's not like weddings are something that interest me much.

The correct term for people who ask for money are "panhandlers." Or possibly "a charity."

If you need money, get a goddam job. Or go on the dole. But to use a wedding as an excuse to shake down friends and family is farking rude. Full stop. No matter how nicely it's phrased in calligraphy on an invitation.

Sounds like a major cultural disconnect, reading TFA all the way through.

In any case, If it's a thing at all in your family, major cash giving, if the guest chooses to do so, is typically reserved for close family / blood ties. The person described themselves as a 'casual acquaintance' of the bride. In some European traditions, there probably is a strong tradition of mandatory gift giving for all guests, and maybe there's a farker out there with that background who can elaborate. But in the Americas that's pretty rare.

Typically what I've seen in my family in the past is the amount of outpouring is dictated by the traditionality of the situation. If you're very young and getting married for the first time, you get a sizable chunk of gifts and sometimes cash in envelopes. If you're older and getting re-married, there's not much need for that and the gift giving is minimal. In neither case was it required at all.

That being said, I haven't gone to a wedding in ages where a gift was expected at all. Most people just show up, have a good time and go home. Lately they've all been very low budget weddings with very down to earth people, which is much preferred to the stuffier alternative.

When I was engaged previously, we started to plan a very large wedding, and I quickly realized what a pain in the ass it would be. Fortunately that did not pan out, and the current Lady and I are happy to get married under a tree with the dirt between our toes, with just some close friends and relatives. "Spend the money on the honeymoon" is our mantra.

That ex-fiancee did end up getting married recently, and I saw a lot of stressing out about it in her facebook posts. Glad I dodged that bullet.

$34k is a gob-smacking figure for a wedding, but if you can afford it and that's what you want to do, more power to you I guess. but man, what kind of four month long honeymoon around the world could you take with that kind of money? It's also a down payment on a house in less expensive regions.

They just say their vows, maybe there are a few people there. Otherwise, to me, the whole process is just kinda ... tacky.

Fair enough. I'm not a big fan of going to weddings, either, especially the ones where the ceremony is more than just a few minutes long. Thankfully, I'm old enough now that it doesn't really come up all that often anymore. Except Wendy, that crazy biatch. We stopped going after number two.