Elect Aaron Jorbin Pope

Today, Pope Benedict XVI announced an extraordinary move and became the first pope since Celestine V in to voluntarily abdicate the papal office. On this day, I would like to formally announce my candidacy for Pope.

Now you may be wondering why me, a non catholic, would want to be pope. The answer is easy. I want to wear the sweet hats. Additionally, no pope since Pope Gregory XVI in 1831 has been elected pope without first becoming a bishop. I think it’s time for that streak to come to end.

I would continue The tradition of renaming yourself after a saint. I would intend to be Pope Bernard the first. St. Bernard is known for being a slobbering lover of all. It is also known as a loyal and affectionate breed. I hope to do St. Bernards everywhere justice.

When the Papal conclave begins, I hope that the council of Cardinals will remember my name and vote Aaron Jorbin for Pope.