THE WEST WING
"THE WOMEN OF QUMAR"
TELEPLAY BY: AARON SORKIN
STORY BY: FELICIA WILSON & LAURA GLASSER & JULIA DAHL
DIRECTED BY: ALEX GRAVES
TEASER
FADE IN: INT. THE BRIEFING ROOM - DAY
C.J. is at the press briefing.
C.J.
Katie.
KATIE
C.J., do you know anything about the President being sued?
C.J.
Sued?
KATIE
There was an item in the Rocky Mountain Something Bugler-
REPORTER
Bugle.
KATIE
The Rocky Mountain Bugle-
REPORTER
It's the Herald.
KATIE
The Rocky Mountain Herald.
C.J.
About the President being sued?
KATIE
Unless this person was making it up...
C.J. looks perplexed.
C.J.
Okay, that's all everybody. I'll see you at five.
She walks out with Carol to the HALLWAY.
C.J.
You haven't heard anything about that, have you?
CAROL
About what?
C.J.
About the President being sued?
CAROL
It's the news, isn't it?
C.J.
What are you-?
CAROL
The Rocky Mountain News?
C.J. speaks to Toby as he appears and Carol exits.
C.J.
Toby-
TOBY
There's a group, a veterans' group that's talking about not showing up for the anniversary.
C.J.
Which group?
TOBY
I don't know.
C.J.
Why aren't they going to show up?
TOBY
They're talking about not showing up.
C.J.
Why?
TOBY
I don't know.
C.J.
Do you know anything about the President being sued?
TOBY
No. Why?
C.J.
Katie Witt seems to think there was an item in the Rocky Mountain News.
TOBY
I thought it was the Bugler.
C.J.
It's not.
TOBY
I don't know anything about it.
C.J.
Okay.
C.J. doubles back in the other direction. Toby keeps walking and talks to Ginger
as the two enter the COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE.
TOBY
Ginger.
GINGER
Yes?
TOBY
Have you set up a meeting for me?
GINGER
Yes.
TOBY
With the veterans' group?
GINGER
Yes.
TOBY
The one that's talking about not coming?
GINGER
Yes.
TOBY
You haven't yet, have you?
GINGER
[crestfallen] No.
TOBY
But you will?
GINGER
Yes.
Toby enters SAM'S OFFICE.
TOBY
Sam?
SAM
The President's being sued?
TOBY
Did you get this from the Rocky Mountain?
SAM
I got this from the DoJ, civil addition. Three months ago at a fundraiser the President
was asked about airbags. Someone suggested they're more dangerous than benefits.
The President says, and I'm quoting, 'Everything has risks. Your car can drive into
a lake and your seatbelt jams, but no one's saying don't wear your seat belt.'
TOBY
Don't tell me!
SAM
That someone thought that's what he was saying? A couple at the fundraiser got into an
accident. He wasn't wearing his seat belt, he died. She's suing for contributory negligence.
TOBY
You can't sue the President.
SAM
You can get rich trying to figure out how. We should do something preemptive.
TOBY
It's not going to be a big deal.
SAM
Isn't that what we say right before something becomes a big deal?
BARTLET
[yells from behind them as they enter the hallway] Toby!
TOBY
Yes?
SAM
Good morning, sir.
TOBY
Morning, Mr. President.
BARTLET
Come with me for a second, would you?
TOBY
Sir, it's possible you're going to hear some stuff about seatbelts today. I urge you to
ignore it.
BARTLET
No problem. Are you straightening things out with the Smithsonian?
TOBY
Today.
BARTLET
I'm supposed to speak at the opening of an exhibit marking the sixtieth anniversary
of Pearl Harbor, but there's a small veterans' group that objects to the exhibit on
the grounds that it's America bashing.
FRANK
[to Toby] I thought you liked America bashing.
TOBY
I wouldn't say that.
FRANK
What would you say?
TOBY
I wouldn't.
They all enter THE OVAL OFFICE.
TOBY
Sir, you needed me?
BARTLET
Frank, what was added?
FRANK
Hutchison just told us that two F-117s strike fighters have been added to the package.
TOBY
This is Qumar?
BARTLET
Yeah
FRANK
That means the total is 15 M-Rams, 50 M-1A1s, 10 F14s, 2 F-117s strike fighters,
and a PAC 3 missile.
TOBY
There's no way I'll remember that, can you send someone a memo?
FRANK
Yeah.
TOBY
This is in exchange for a five-year lease.
FRANK
Ten year lease agreement.
BARTLET
The point is that we've dotted the I's and we're ready to announce.
TOBY
I'll let C.J. know.
BARTLET
Let C.J. know but have her pass it off to the DoD.
TOBY
You want to bury it?
BARTLET
Not totally.
TOBY
But passing it off to another department is usually our way of signaling we don't want
the public to care about it.
BARTLET
I don't know, every time we make one of these deals with a place like Qumar I feel
the women around here look at me funny.
TOBY
I think you're probably wrong about that.
BARTLET
You think it's just guilt?
TOBY
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
Well how should I deal with guilt?
TOBY
Be more like me.
BARTLET
[laughing a little] Yeah, okay.
TOBY
Anything else, sir?
BARTLET
C.J.'s going to be cool with this, right?
TOBY
C.J.'s the one you're worried about?
BARTLET
I'm just saying she knows who the good guys are, right?
TOBY
Yeah.
BARTLET
Okay, thanks.
TOBY
Thank you, Mr. President.
BARTLET
What's next?
SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES.
END TEASER
* * *
ACT ONE
FADE IN: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - DAY
Donna walks into Josh's office.
DONNA
Josh?
JOSH
Could I get five minutes without being interrupted by banality?
Dr. Bartlet gets wheeled in.
ABBEY
It's not banality, it's the boss's wife.
JOSH
[rising, a little startled] Morning, ma'am.
ABBEY
Morning, Josh.
JOSH
[to Donna] A little head's up wouldn't be out of line.
DONNA
[as she leaves] I said Josh.
JOSH
What can I do for you, ma'am?
ABBEY
I got a letter from Amy Gardner.
JOSH
Yeah, I was cc'd on that letter.
ABBEY
She seems pretty irate.
JOSH
[sitting again] Amy Gardner's always irate about something, I wouldn't give it a
lot of thought.
ABBEY
I happen to agree with her.
JOSH
Me too, and I think it deserves a lot of thought.
ABBEY
I thought you might.
JOSH
I was kidding.
ABBEY
I don't care. The letter was co-signed by NOW, the Women's Action League, and about
ten women's groups. I've got to go to Vienna next week.
JOSH
Honestly, ma'am, due respect, I think they're overreacting. We're talking about one word.
ABBEY
Isn't this one word that dramatically alters the effectiveness of the treaty?
JOSH
I don't know how dramatically...
ABBEY
The current draft says "forced prostitution."
JOSH
Yes.
ABBEY
Excluding all other types of prostitution and sex trafficking?
JOSH
Well, I suppose that's for prosecutors to...
ABBEY
Well, Amy says that unless the UN removes the word 'forced,' it's going to be difficult
to prosecute at all.
JOSH
You've spoken with her?
ABBEY
Yes. And I'd like you to do the same.
JOSH
God.... Really? [with a really forced smile]
ABBEY
See? Now you're wishing it had been banality.
JOSH
Yes I am.
ABBEY
Have a good day.
JOSH
[rising as she is wheeled out] Thank you ma'am.
CUT TO: INT. THE ROOSEVELT ROOM - DAY
Leo enters. A number of men are waiting.
LEO
Thanks for waiting.
MAN
Leo, you know everybody. These are Doctors Bedrosien and Califf. This is Leo McGarry.
LEO
How you doing?
DOCTORS
Fine.
LEO
And why are we here?
BEDROSIEN
A herd of cattle in Ogalala, Nebraska, was accidentally given banned feed and
quarantined 18 months ago.
CALIFF
One of the cattle showed neurological damage. It was unable to stand - it's called
a Downer Cow.
BEDROSIEN
Tissue was sent to the NVSL in Ames, Iowa for the first round of tests. Another sample
was sent to the UK's Central Veterinary Labratory.
LEO
And?
BEDROSIEN
The first round of Iowa tissue showed a presumptive positive.
LEO
Mad cow?
BEDROSIEN
We don't know that.
LEO
But we think?
CALIFF
We have to wait for the UK tests.
LEO
Worst case scenario?
CALIFF
We declare a national emergency and a class one recall. Mr. McGarry, we've tested over
twelve thousand samples and none of them have come up positive.
LEO
Twelve thousand out of how many?
CALIFF
Forty million adult cattle.
LEO
Somebody needs to teach me about this.
CUT TO: INT. C.J.'S OFFICE - DAY
The room is full of staffers, including Toby.
C.J.
What's next?
MAN
We'll need a response to Kendall's charge in the Weekly Standard.
C.J.
What's he say?
MAN
Our education reauthorization bill has more pork than a pig-picking festival.
C.J.
A pig-picking festival?
MAN
Yeah.
C.J.
More and more I'm in favor of English being the national language.
MARK
It's worth knowing that Kendall's pushing for four new charter schools in his district,
one of which is...
C.J.
Named after him?
MARK
Yes.
C.J.
Thank you, Santa. How about...?
TOBY
It's pretty hard to get at the pork when the Chairman's hogging the trough.
MARK
And that's why he gets all the great women.
C.J.
What else?
TOBY
You better be briefed on the arms sale to Qumar cause the Pentagon leaked it.
C.J.
Qumar?
TOBY
Yeah
C.J.
In the Gulf?
MARK
Is there another one?
TOBY
No. We lease an air base in Qumar. It's a ten-year lease and it's up and they won't
renew without an arms package. Are you writing this down?
C.J.
No, when did we make an arms deal with Qumar?
TOBY
I really don't know. What does it matter?
C.J.
What does it matter?
TOBY
Yeah
C.J.
What are we selling?
TOBY
Don't start...
C.J.
What are we selling?
TOBY
[to a staffer] What are we selling?
WOMAN
15 M-Rams, 50 M-1A1s tank kits, 10 F15s and patriot missiles for $1.5 billion and they
renew the lease.
C.J.
Don't start?! What the hell...?
Toby gives her a look.
C.J.
Anything else?
ALL
No
C.J.
Thank you.
Toby exits, meets and walks with Sam.
SAM
This is how it starts.
TOBY
What?
SAM
Trouble. This is how trouble starts.
TOBY
Seat belts?
SAM
Contributory negligence in a wrongful death is the tort equivalent of murder.
TOBY
And aren't lawsuits against the President the tort equivalent of insane?
SAM
Toby...
TOBY
Like the guy who's suing the President to stop CIA-sponsored radio transmissions
in his bridgework?
SAM
Yes
TOBY
Or the guy who's suing to have the man from the planet Xanadu removed from his front yard?
SAM
That's not local?
TOBY
It's federal. There's the couple suing for repayment of all back taxes ever because taxes
are unconstitutional.
SAM
Technically they are.
TOBY
Sam...
SAM
They're not.
TOBY
And the bow-tie manufacturer from the garment district who blames the falling market on
the fact that the President doesn't wear bow-ties.
SAM
There's a reason the civil division gave us a heads-up.
TOBY
What?
SAM
This one could break. One random comment and that's the ball game. Thank you for coming
to Dodger Stadium.
TOBY
You think murder is going to overtake education and health care on the campaign trail?
SAM
No, you're right, because health care and education are much sexier.
TOBY
What do you suggest?
SAM
That we come out right now for a national seatbelt law.
TOBY
Wait, wait, better yet. Why doesn't he set up his own checkpoint on I-95?
SAM
Cause that's impractical.
TOBY
[walking away] So's twisting national policy over a non-story.
SAM
[walking into the bullpen] It's not going to be a non-story.
GINGER
Are you talking to me?
SAM
No.
CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - DAY
Bartlet is just entering the office.
BARTLET
Hey.
CHARLIE
Good morning, Mr. President.
BARTLET
Did the Celtics win last night?
CHARLIE
No, they got crushed.
BARTLET
Okay, when I say did they win, you can just say yes or no.
CHARLIE
They got pretty well crushed.
BARTLET
What are you doing?
CHARLIE
I'm sorry, sir, I had a few minutes.
BARTLET
I'm not on you, I'm just asking.
CHARLIE
I'm making notes for a final in modern American history, the consumer movements in late
20th century America.
BARTLET
Modern American history sucks.
CHARLIE
I had a hunch.
BARTLET
You want to study history, study the Crusades, the fall of the Roman Empire from
Theoddoseus to Justinian.
CHARLIE
The Visigoths.
BARTLET
Damn right the Visigoths. Modern history's another name for television.
CHARLIE
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
Is there any way I can help?
CHARLIE
No thank you, sir.
BARTLET
I'm a master of modern history, you can ask me anything.
CHARLIE
What year did we pass the Clean Water Act?
BARTLET
[pausing] I don't know.
CHARLIE
Okay.
LEO
[entering] Good morning.
BARTLET
They said you needed to see me.
LEO
Yeah.
BARTLET
What's going on?
LEO
I'm going to tell you.
C.J.
Good morning, Mr. President.
BARTLET
Hey.
LEO
Sir, at this moment we're waiting to hear from the UK on confirmation of a test for mad cow.
BARTLET
Oh man, they got it again?
Leo and C.J. share a look.
LEO
No, sir. I mean a US case.
BARTLET
[pause] A US case?
LEO
Yeah. Right now it's what's called a presumptive positive. England will come back with
definitive answers.
BARTLET
How long?
LEO
72 hours.
BARTLET
Do we say anything in the meantime?
LEO
That's my question. [to C.J.] That's why you're here.
C.J.
I think we have to. I put the Secretary in the briefing room with experts from the
University of Maryland, the National Cattlemen's Beef Association, they lay out
the facts, soften up the ground.
LEO
No, in three days we have our facts straight, we can make a full disclosure.
C.J.
In the meanwhile...
LEO
In the meanwhile, the USDA takes the time for tracing, checking feed logs, herd movements.
We don't know how many herds are going to need to be quarantined.
C.J.
We also don't know how many people know about this already.
LEO
Nobody knows.
C.J.
There's at least a rancher who knows, the labs in Iowa and England, whoever the USDA...
LEO
They're our labs in Iowa, and the rancher doesn't have any interest in telling the world
his cattle are sick.
BARTLET
Yeah, we got to wait.
C.J.
Sir...
BARTLET
The second we say positive, beef futures collapse, and we lose 3.6 billion in beef exports.
Fast food is deserted, supermarkets pull beef, it's panic - I want to talk to some more
people, but in the meantime, we wait.
LEO
Thank you, sir.
C.J.
Thank you, Mr. President.
Leo and C.J. quickly walk to LEO'S OFFICE.
C.J.
Want to see panic?
LEO
Hang on...
Leo shuts all the doors in his office.
C.J.
Want to see panic, let the story break on CNN.
LEO
Waiting buys us time to get some reassuring answers.
C.J.
I don't know how many more times we can get caught keeping a secret.
LEO
Sometimes that's what we're supposed to do.
C.J.
[about to exit] All right.
LEO
Thanks.
C.J.
[turning back] Listen.
LEO
Yeah.
C.J.
Not for nothing, but three weeks ago a woman in Qumar was executed for adultery. She didn't
need a lawyer 'cause there wasn't any trial, it was her husband's word against hers.
LEO
Yeah.
C.J.
Later today I'm going to be announcing that we're selling them tanks and guns.
Leo makes a hand gesture like 'What do you want me to say?'
C.J.
Okay.
C.J. exits his office and walks into the hallway.
FADE OUT.
END ACT ONE
* * *
ACT TWO
FADE IN: INT. WOMEN'S LEADERSHIP COALITION OFFICES - DAY
Josh is sitting in a waiting area, looking up at the artwork. A secretary is behind the
reception desk.
SECRETARY
Amy should be with you in just a minute.
JOSH
Thanks.
He gets up and walks around.
JOSH
This is interesting art on the walls. A lot of very strong women who could hurt me.
SECRETARY
Only if you provoke them.
JOSH
Yeah.
SECRETARY
You know, I'm sure she's busy with something very important or she wouldn't make you wait.
In the hallway to the left, AMY GARDNER appears and calls on Josh.
AMY GARDNER
Special J!
JOSH
Amy.
AMY
Thanks for waiting, I was playing a little Nintendo.
Josh follows her as she leads him to her office.
JOSH
Yeah.
AMY
I'm kidding. I was on a conference call. You want anything? Coke, Pepsi, shrimp cocktail?
JOSH
No.
AMY
How you been?
JOSH
Good.
AMY
Good.
Amy gives him a seductive look while pointing to a map in her office.
AMY
You know what this is?
JOSH
A map of global trafficking in prostitution?
AMY
Yeah. You know who drew it?
JOSH
Amerigo Vespucci?
AMY
No, but that's funny, J. It was your State Department.
JOSH
It's your State Department, too, Amy.
AMY
Yeah, a little more yours than mine.
JOSH
Yeah, every time you write a letter to the First Lady she gets into gear because she
feels guilty that she's not doing enough for women.
AMY
She's not doing enough for women.
JOSH
And what would you like?
AMY
I'm glad you asked.
JOSH
Not half as glad as I am.
AMY
The current draft of the document says only forced prostitution and not other types
of prostitution is sexual exploitation.
JOSH
Yes.
AMY
What about someone who answers an ad for an au pair and ends up working a 15-hour
shift in a whore house where they're held hostage and can never pay off their debt?
JOSH
Yeah.
AMY
That's not the worst-case scenario. The worst-case scenario was five days ago when
four 13-year-old Thai girls were found having hanged themselves in an abandoned house
in Stony Crest Lane in Bethesda.
JOSH
Yeah
AMY
Not halfway around the world, Bethesda.
AMY
There were sheets over the windows, triple locks on the doors, no phone, handcuffs
hanging off the bedposts. For the price of a four-slice toaster their parents had
sold them to work as babysitters.
JOSH
How is that not forced prostitution?
AMY
I've got a whole floor full of lawyers who... In the last, in the last two years,
a hundred thousand women, and by women I'm including girls who should be playing
with Easy Bake ovens, a hundred thousand in the last two years were brought here
and forced to work as prostitutes. You know how many of these cases we prosecuted?
JOSH
Not enough.
AMY
Two hundred fifty. You guys are about to go to Vienna and make it harder so yeah,
I dropped the First Lady a note.
JOSH
[noticing something by her desk] What the hell are those?
AMY
Those are balloon animals.
JOSH
I'm sorry?
AMY
They're balloon animals. I have nephews who like balloon animals so I got someone to teach me.
JOSH
Are they abstract?
AMY
I'm a beginner!
JOSH
We can't drop the one word.
AMY
Why?
JOSH
Because we're not the only ones living in the world. Prostitution is legal in Germany,
Turkey, the Netherlands, and if we alienate these countries...
AMY
So then don't sign the treaty.
JOSH
The more countries who sign the treaty the more effective it is.
AMY
The more toothless the treaty is, the more toothless it is.
JOSH
That's a permeating syllogism to be sure .
AMY
Hey I'm not screwing around. The women's vote isn't just half your constituency, it's
the entire margin of victory.
JOSH
Who else are you going to vote for?
AMY
I don't know, but in the meantime I don't think you've appointed enough women to the
Federal bench, so...
JOSH
Amy...
AMY
Yeah, we'd hold up your other nominations. [with a little seductive smile on her face]
I didn't burn my bras, J. In fact, I like my bras. I ring your bell when it's important.
JOSH
All right.
AMY
Would you get back to me before the end of the day and let me know where we are?
JOSH
Yeah.
AMY
Thank you.
JOSH
The art around here scares the hell out of me.
AMY
That's what it's supposed to do.
Amy gives him a big smile as Josh leaves, of course not without looking back.
CUT TO: INT. THE WHITE HOUSE, CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
Toby enters a room where two Smithsonian Curators, EVAN WOODKIRK and MARY KLEIN wait.
TOBY
Good morning. Thanks for waiting.
EVAN WOODKIRK
How are you, Toby? Evan Woodkirk.
TOBY
Good to see you.
MARY KLINE
Mary Kline.
TOBY
Tell me why I'm talking to you.
EVAN
The Smithsonian is opening an exhibit marking the 60th anniversary of Pearl Harbor.
TOBY
And why is that making veterans unhappy?
EVAN
Well, let's be clear, the USF is a very small group, maybe 2,000 members and only 30
of them are going to be attending.
TOBY
They're not attending anymore, they're boycotting.
MARY
It's not like we're not going to be able to fill those 30 seats at the opening. We don't
see it as a problem.
TOBY
Well, the President's speaking at the opening, so it's a bit of a problem because these
guys aren't going to keep their unhappiness to themselves. I don't care if there are
2,000 or 20, I don't want the President where there are pissed-off veterans.
EVAN
They have nothing to be concerned about.
TOBY
Tell me what they're going to tell me when I meet with them this afternoon.
EVAN
They'll tell you they're troubled by the commentary on the propaganda posters.
TOBY
Which is?
EVAN
Sorry?
TOBY
The commentary.
MARY
These were fear-inspiring posters. They were incredibly racist.
TOBY
And you say so in the commentary?
EVAN
In so many words?
TOBY
Yeah
MARY
Toby, "The Sowers" portrays the Japanese as hulking barbarians, tossing human skulls
onto the ground.
TOBY
How about the exhibit titled "America's Vengeance?"
EVAN
So you've reviewed the material?
TOBY
"Vengeance" is pretty provocative, especially when followed by the burnt contents of a
child's lunch box? Of course I've reviewed the material.
Knock at the door.
LEO
Excuse me, I'm sorry, do you have a moment?
TOBY
Yeah.
Toby meets Leo outside in the HALLWAY.
LEO
I want to you to get with C.J. when you can.
TOBY
Sure. Why?
LEO
A lab in the UK is going to let us know in 72 hours if the first US case of mad cow is
in Nebraska right now. We got a presumptive positive on-
TOBY
72 hours?
LEO
Yeah.
TOBY
We should keep it to ourselves.
LEO
That's what I think. C.J. disagrees. The President wants to hear more.
TOBY
Okay.
LEO
Thanks.
Toby walks back into the room. We stay with Leo, who meets Sam. They walk.
SAM
Leo.
LEO
Yeah.
SAM
You know the President's being sued, right?
LEO
I'm sorry?
SAM
The President's being sued.
LEO
Oh, the guy from the Planet Zanzibar.
SAM
Xanadu. No, the seatbelts.
LEO
Yeah, I saw. That's not going to be anything.
SAM
The Washington Times' running it under the headline "Bartlet Accused of Contributory
Negligence."
LEO
I didn't know The Washington Times could spell all those words.
SAM
Yep, A-29 above the fold.
LEO
There's a fold that deep in the paper?
SAM
Look, after three, four, five days, it's going to be picked up by the Post and the
New York Times. Let's be ahead of it.
LEO
How?
SAM
Come out for a national seatbelt law.
LEO
A national seatbelt law's never going to happen.
SAM
Why?
LEO
What's the most important State in the primaries?
SAM
New Hampshire.
LEO
What's the most important State in the general?
SAM
Michigan.
LEO
What's the only State without a mandatory seatbelt law?
SAM
New Hampshire.
LEO
And where do they make the cars?
SAM
Fair enough. Can I explore it?
LEO
Knock yourself out. In fact, go ahead and knock yourself out.
SAM
Yeah.
CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - DAY
Josh enters his office and meets up with Donna.
JOSH
It's bluster. The appointments aren't going to be held up. At least not by Lady Godiva.
DONNA
Tell me she wasn't bare-breasted, at least outside of your imagination.
JOSH
No, she was, yeah. I'm saying, if she wants to front off it's not like there's a moral
imperative for the White House to get behind, what?
DONNA
Equity and-
JOSH
Equity and insurance coverage for contraception or whatever it is the ladies want.
More money for sewing notions and whatnot.
DONNA
Suffrage, for instance, and the right to smoke.
JOSH
If she wants to throw heat, we can hold back a few months on the backing for the
Child Support Enforcement Act.
DONNA
But you don't want to do that?
JOSH
Of course I don't want to do that, Donna, I'm a friend of the working mom.
DONNA
You want her to have sewing notions.
JOSH
I do.
DONNA
Can I ask you something?
JOSH
Yeah.
DONNA
Do you think it's possible there's a broader point?
JOSH
No. Why? Why?
DONNA
That leaving the word 'forced' in the treaty condones consensual prostitution?
JOSH
That's ridiculous.
DONNA
I'm saying it could be spun that way.
JOSH
That we condone prostitution?
DONNA
Yeah.
JOSH
It can't be spun that way.
DONNA
Okay.
JOSH
You think it can?
DONNA
I just did.
JOSH
All right. All right, would you check if C.J.'s in her office?
CUT TO: INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
MARY
Toby, it's not like the entire exhibit is anti-American...
EVAN
Hang on, it's not like any of the exhibit is anti-American. I can't believe I have to have
this conversation with you of all people.
TOBY
Well I don't know what 'me of all people' means, but...
EVAN
Aren't you the one always standing by the NEA when...
TOBY
I'm not. This is different from the NEA.
EVAN
How?
TOBY
It is. For one thing, the President's being asked to speak, which is the only reason
I can have you sitting here in the first place. Listen, uh, something's come up, and
I'm done if you're done, so...
EVAN
I appreciate your time.
TOBY
I appreciate yours. Can I call later today?
EVAN
Please.
CUT TO: INT. C.J.'S OFFICE - DAY
Josh walks up.
C.J.
Yeah?
JOSH
How you doing?
C.J.
Fine.
JOSH
So I just came from seeing Amy Gardner.
C.J.
Yeah, how'd it go?
JOSH
I showed her who's boss.
C.J.
Who'd it turn out to be?
JOSH
It's still unclear, but let me ask you something. The UN treaty, Vienna. If we have to
make a to-do about it being forced prostitution, isn't there a chance it could be spun
that we're condoning prostitution?
C.J.
Yeah.
JOSH
How much of a chance?
C.J.
It'll happen.
JOSH
Cause Amy'll make it happen.
C.J.
Yeah.
JOSH
Well, this is a whole new thing then...
TOBY
[appearing at the door] Leo told me.
C.J.
Close the door.
JOSH
Told you what?
C.J.
Close the door.
Toby closes the door.
C.J.
There was a presumptive positive on some cattle in Nebraska.
JOSH
What does that mean?
C.J.
We have to wait 72 hours for a test.
JOSH
You're talking about a disease?
C.J.
Yeah.
JOSH
You're kidding me.
C.J.
No.
JOSH
Mad cow?
C.J.
Yeah.
JOSH
Oh my god, you're kidding me!
C.J.
Really, no.
JOSH
I guess if the door's closed we're not saying anything yet?
TOBY
That's what we're here to talk about.
JOSH
What do you think?
C.J.
You know we have an extra 1.5 billion dollars we weren't counting on?
TOBY
What?
C.J.
There's an extra 1.5 billion. In Qumar, when a woman gets raped, she'll generally get
beaten by her husband and sons as a punishment so at some point we should talk about
how to spend the 1.5 billion they're giving us.
She walks over to her desk and sits.
C.J.
Okay, so, should we tell anybody?
FADE OUT.
END ACT TWO
* * *
ACT THREE
FADE IN: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - DAY
Bartlet is in a meeting with advisors in the Oval Office.
BARTLET
[reading] All right. Unfunded mandates.
LEO
This is where the federal government forces localities to do stuff that isn't at all
interested in paying the bill.
BARTLET
Don't give me their grumbles.
MAN
According to Frank Siegel, Danville, Virginia with a population of 55,000 spent 13,800
staff hours and $176,000 complying with the Americans with Disabilities Act.
BARTLET
Are employees in wheelchairs supposed to work in the parking lot?
MAN
No, sir. Siegel thinks it's unfair that the federal government-
BARTLET
How much would it cost the federal government to amend the unfunded mandates we format
to cover all unfunded mandates?
MAN
Tens of billions, I would think.
BARTLET
Let's find out for sure then tell Siegel to sit down and shut up.
MAN
Yes, sir.
LEO
Anything else?
BARTLET
No.
ADVISORS
Thank you, Mr. President.
Leo shuts the door behind them leaving and goes back to sit beside Bartlet, where they
sit leaning in to each other.
BARTLET
So paint a picture for me, would you?
LEO
We find the source of the problem, which'll be the feed. We buy the cattle and slaughter them.
BARTLET
How many?
LEO
Tens of thousands.
BARTLET
That's the live cattle. What about the beef?
LEO
Well, FSIS will do a Class One recall and get it off the shelves. Not that they need to.
Nobody's gonna buy beef for a couple of years.
BARTLET
That's a hundred and fifty billion dollar industry. What's the West going to do for a living?
LEO
Well this generation of ranchers is done. They won't get back on their feet.
BARTLET
People have known about this disease; they're still eating beef in record numbers.
LEO
That's cause it's been on the other side of the ocean. Once we announce a positive,
steak houses are done. Fast food is done.
BARTLET
And then the corn and soybean growers, right?
LEO
The dominos don't end on this.
BARTLET
Any good news?
LEO
For fishermen.
BARTLET
So we've got frightened parents, rising food prices, public panic, massive layoffs,
and something we've never had to worry about before, we're wondering when the next
case is gonna happen. The most costly disruptions...
LEO
Yeah?
BARTLET
Always happen when something we take completely for granted stops working for a minute.
LEO
Yeah.
BARTLET
[sighs] Okay.
LEO
[as they both get up and he starts to leave] Thank you, Mr. President.
BARTLET
Oh, hey - do you know when we passed the Clean Water Act?
LEO
No.
BARTLET
How could you not know that?
LEO
My water's clean, I don't ask questions.
BARTLET
What'd I just say?
LEO
I wasn't really listening.
BARTLET
[as they exit the Oval Office] All right.
LEO
Thank you.
Bartlet walks over to Charlie's desk. Charlie stops working and looks up.
CHARLIE
Yes, sir?
BARTLET
Nope, nothing.
Bartlet goes behind Charlie's area and takes a book off the shelf.
CHARLIE
You sure there's nothing you need?
BARTLET
No.
Bartlet pauses and watches Charlie working.
BARTLET
You know, Charlie...
CHARLIE
[quickly] Yeah...
BARTLET
History can't be reduced to dates and names.
CHARLIE
Well, I'm pretty sure this final can.
BARTLET
Nah. I'm starting you out with a copy of the speech George Perkins March used in 1845
to rouse the agricultural community of Rutland, Vermont. Then you're going to need to
study on the word "ecology," as coined by the German biologist Ernst Heikl.
CHARLIE
Am I being punished for something?
BARTLET
[walking back to the Oval] Better in the original German, of course, but obviously the
translation will be fine.
CHARLIE
[muttering to himself] Good.
CUT TO: INT. THE WHITE HOUSE LOBBY - DAY
Sam and two men meet.
SAM
Hey.
TOM STARKS
Sam
MAN
Sam, how you doing? [They shake hands.]
SAM
Good. Thanks for coming down. Come on back.
MAN
So I got a funny joke the President could do about telling people not to wear seatbelts.
SAM
Well he didn't tell people not to wear their seatbelts.
MAN
He should say, "Maybe I should go back to concealing my health."
SAM
[pausing] That's a good one. He can use it at the Rotary Club.
TOM
By the way, Josh Lyman shouldn't make jokes about Rotarians. They're good people.
They reach SAM'S OFFICE.
SAM
He feels bad about that.
TOM
They volunteer their time even though nobody's got enough of it.
SAM
He's gonna apologize.
TOM
I'm a Rotarian. My dad's a Rotarian.
SAM
My dad's an Elk.
TOM
Elks are okay.
SAM
So. Anticipating this might become a thing, I wanted to float the idea of a national
seatbelt law. What's the Democratic Leadership going to say?
MAN
They're gonna say no.
SAM
Why?
MAN
Well, first of all, the Democratic Leadership doesn't do damage control for the President.
SAM
Well, you know, I think it's about more than damage control. Only 68% of drivers are
wearing their seatbelts. We get that up to 90% and we save 5,000 lives a year.
MAN
And if we get kids to eat their spinach, they'll be as strong as Popeye.
TOM
We've done driver safety. We've done food drives. We've done physical fitness.
SAM
Who?
TOM
The Rotary Club.
SAM
He really is gonna apologize, Tom.
MAN
Sam...
SAM
Look, secondary seatbelt laws don't work. You can only fine someone if you've stopped
them for something else. Isn't it time for a tough law?
MAN
To make up for a bonehead comment at a fundraiser?
TOM
The governors don't like it. It's federalism run amok.
SAM
The governors don't have a vote in Congress.
TOM
But the Congressmen do, and they're not going to vote for it either.
SAM
Okay, well then, this is a shorter meeting than I thought it would be. Thanks.
TOM
You won't catch a Rotarian not wearing a seatbelt. An Elk, maybe.
SAM
Yeah.
CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - DAY
Donna walks in, going through some papers.
JOSH
Yeah?
DONNA
Leo's office wanted you to know that the OMB's gonna do a quick report on expanding
unfunded mandates and it doesn't mean anything but they're doing it anyway.
JOSH
My tax dollars hard at work.
DONNA
[leaving] I'll be at my desk.
JOSH
Say Donna, you've worked as a prostitute.
DONNA
[turning back] Yeah?
JOSH
Let's just say.
DONNA
Okay.
JOSH
Why should what you do be against the law?
DONNA
Well, in this country you're not allowed to buy and sell people.
JOSH
You're not selling yourself, you're renting out your body.
DONNA
You're not allowed to do that either.
JOSH
Don't fashion models do it every day?
DONNA
It's different.
JOSH
It's only different because we say it's different. When you get a massage, isn't it just
a matter of degrees?
DONNA
Lots of things are just a matter of degrees.
JOSH
Wouldn't legalizing prostitution allow women to unionize and get access to social services
and health care benefits and create some control over the industry?
DONNA
You think if you make prostitution legal then prostitutes are going to suddenly want every
one to know they're prostitutes?
JOSH
[pausing] Hmm.
DONNA
What?
JOSH
The rare valid point.
DONNA
[pointing towards the door] I'll be back on my street corner.
CUT TO: INT. THE MURAL ROOM - DAY
Toby enters and greets three USF veterans.
TOBY
Okay, round two. I'm Toby Ziegler, I'll be your referee.
BARNEY LANG
[shaking his hand] Toby, I'm Barney Lang, National Commander. We spoke on the phone.
TOBY
Yes.
BARNEY
Please meet Ed Ramsey and Ronald Crookshank. These are two of our regional directors.
TOBY
Welcome to the White House.
They all sit down.
RONALD CROOKSHANK
Been here before. My unit was invited by Franklin Roosevelt. [pointing towards Toby]
That chair used to be over there. [pointing to the corner of the room]
TOBY
It's nice to meet you.
BARNEY
Toby, before we get started, could I hit you up for a personal favor?
TOBY
I don't think the President is available for pictures today, but I can check.
BARNEY
No, it's my buddy, Arthur Holly. He's been in a wheelchair cause he lost his left leg;
and the wheelchair is falling apart. We've been doing a pretty good job with duct tape,
but the guy could really use a new one, and Medicaid is dragging its feet on this.
TOBY
Leave me his information on a piece of paper. I can make a phone call for you.
BARNEY
I appreciate that, son. Thank you.
TOBY
Okay. Tell me the point you find most offensive and would like to see pulled from the exhibit.
ED RAMSEY
Well there are a number of points.
TOBY
What's at the top of the list?
BARNEY
Sections that have the overreaching message of a vengeful America and a victimized Japan.
TOBY
Well you don't want to ignore the effects of the bomb.
ED
We don't want to ignore facts. But in that particular case we don't agree with their
version of the facts.
TOBY
The 63,000?
C.J. open the door and slips in unnoticed.
ED
They say 63,000 American lives would have been lost if we had invaded. Marshall told
Truman that a ground offensive would take the lives of at least 250,000.
TOBY
Well there's some evidence to suggest that Marshall told Truman that and some estimates
say 150,000. Some say 268,000.
C.J.
There are discrepancies.
C.J. had just walked in. Toby, a bit startled, turns and looks at her.
TOBY
I didn't see you there.
C.J. approaches the group and they all stand.
TOBY
This is C.J. Cregg.
BARNEY
I'm Barney Lang. Ed Ramsey, Ronald Crookshank.
C.J.
Good to meet you.
TOBY
You need anything?
C.J.
I just came by to listen.
TOBY
[turning back to the veterans] Before I forget, I want to put you three in a room with
the exhibit directors from the Smithsonian. Can I do it today?
BARNEY
Sure.
TOBY
Stay by a phone. [They start up as to leave.] Okay.
C.J.
Can I interrupt for a second, Toby?
TOBY
Yeah.
C.J.
Mr. Ramsey, I saw on your information you were in the 10th Armored Division.
ED
Private first class, 10th Armored Division, 3rd Army, second World War.
C.J.
You fought in the battle of the bulge, sir.
ED
Yes, I did. My unit broke through the German Seventh Army's buffer, which was critical
in winning. That was the moment we beat the Nazis on the western front.
C.J.
That was a hell of a moment.
She sits, and the others do too.
ED
I have a granddaughter like you. She's a chemist.
C.J.
Can I ask you to imagine something?
ED
I suppose.
C.J.
Imagine if you weren't as successful as you were. Imagine, say, that Hitler had taken
Antwerp and we'd lost the Battle of the Bulge and Germany held the western front.
ED
It wouldn't have mattered. The Russians crushed them on the eastern front. They wouldn't
have won the war.
C.J.
No, but even if the Russians had kicked them out of Poland, Hungary, Bulgaria, they could
have held onto France, maybe kept Italy, certainly they could have defended Germany.
ED
Yeah.
C.J.
Now it's six decades later, and while they didn't conquer Europe the Nazis exist as a
recognized government in some small corner of the European union.
ED
That would never have happened.
C.J.
Really?
ED
They killed a quarter of my unit. They killed a third of my classmates from Erasmus
High School.
While the veteran is speaking, Toby watches C.J. intently.
ED
We never would have allowed it--
C.J.
We did it in Cambodia.
TOBY
C.J., knock it off.
C.J.
You're protesting because you think the Smithsonian isn't paying proper respect to what
you and the soldiers of the 10th Armored, 3rd Army risked and lost your lives for six
decades ago. How would you feel, in the hypothetical I just described, if I told you that
at my press briefing at the end of the day I was announcing that we were selling tanks,
missiles, and fighter jets to the Nazis?
TOBY
Excuse me. [whispering to C.J. and standing] Step outside.
C.J. walks out behind him. When they reach the HALLWAY, Toby starts.
TOBY
Look...
C.J.
You know, if I was living in Qumar I wouldn't be able to say "Shove it up your ass, Toby."
But since I'm not, shove it up your ass, Toby.
Toby stands in a trail of dust as C.J. chalks one up for the sisterhood and walks on.
FADE OUT.
END ACT THREE
* * *
ACT FOUR
FADE IN: EXT. THE WHITE HOUSE PORTICO - DAY
Bartlet and Sam are walking outside.
BARTLET
You really wanna talk about the lawsuit in Colorado?
SAM
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
You hear about the lawyer who opened a chain of dry cleaners? "Press your lawsuit while
you wait?" [pause] There was a better joke in there someplace, right?
SAM
Probably not.
Two Secret Service members open the doors to the OUTER OVAL OFFICE. Sam and Bartlet enter.
SAM
Sir--
BARTLET
Doctrine of Sovereign Immunity. You can't sue the king. We brought it over from England.
SAM
Yeah, but he's not immune from the court of public opinion.
BARTLET
Forgot to bring that one over.
They enter THE OVAL OFFICE. Charlie is standing at Bartlet's desk, looking at papers.
SAM
The RNC'll have a press conference.
BARTLET
The RNC has a press conference when I sneeze.
SAM
I think we need to come out for a strong national seatbelt law.
BARTLET
Congress won't pass it.
He walks behind his desk and begins to sign papers. Charlie walks to another spot in the room.
SAM
I'm not saying we need to have a law. I'm just saying we need to come out for it. It'll end
the question of where you stand.
BARTLET
People know where I stand. If they don't know, they can ask me.
SAM
You were governor of New Hampshire, sir, the only state--
BARTLET
And I was for it then. Never did anything about it because nobody wanted it. And, frankly,
why waste time in Capitol?
SAM
C.J.'ll get asked about it at the five o'clock briefing.
BARTLET
I can't be responsible every time somebody irrationally twists my meaning. People are
responsible for themselves.
Bartlet walks over to Charlie and hands him a folder. Charlie hands Bartlet another folder,
then walks away. Bartlet walks over to Sam.
BARTLET
Today's cars are safer than they've ever been. They've all got air bags, they've all got
seatbelts, and they're all crash tested from here to Tuesday. All that's left is personal
behavior and bad luck, and, I'm not responsible for either one. And, Sam, if Mrs. Landingham w
as here right now, she'd say the exact same thing. You know what I'm saying?
SAM
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
I don't blame this woman for suing me. I'm not a king, and I'm not sure the law should
treat me like one. Though certainly for the moment I don't mind. I'm not blaming her.
She's got to go someplace with her grief and her anger. The ones who should be horsewhipped
with a horsewhip are the ones exploiting her grief for political gain, and I'm not getting
down with those guys.
SAM
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
[walks back to behind his desk] Let Congress pass that law. I'll sign it.
CHARLIE
Sir?
BARTLET
[to Charlie] Yeah, let's go. Get Leo.
SAM
Thank you, Mr. President. [turns and walks out of the office]
BARTLET
Thank you.
Toby and Josh enter.
TOBY
Good evening, Mr. President.
BARTLET
Isn't there a joke to be had with lawsuits and dry cleaners? I've been working on it all day.
JOSH
You've been working on other stuff though too, right?
BARTLET
Yeah.
C.J. and Leo enter.
C.J.
Good evening, sir.
BARTLET
Hey.
LEO
Okay.
BARTLET
Okay, what do we think? When do you tell the public what you know?
C.J.
I think it's right now.
TOBY
And I think it's when you know something. I think absolute confirmation has to be the rule
when we're talking about public panic.
JOSH
Are we sure there's gonna be public panic if we're only saying there's a chance? We think
maybe, usually it's negative.
TOBY
I do. 'Cause we're not talking about sushi, it's hamburgers. I'm not kidding around,
it's... these things. The everyday things. The everyday American things. The 99 cent things
that, when you suddenly have to be afraid of them, strike at the center of our equilibrium.
LEO
I'll tell you what else. Democrats aren't exactly loved by the beef industry to begin with.
We're gonna get killed for causing false panic.
C.J.
Yeah, what we say now is gonna be measured against the facts, the consequenses of which will
be far worse if we don't say anything and it goes the other way.
TOBY
I disagree.
C.J.
[to Toby] Then pretend for a moment that the cow has MS.
A pause. Everyone turns and looks at C.J.
TOBY
No, I don't think I will.
BARTLET
[to Leo] Something going on with them?
LEO
I think they can hear you. They're standing right in front of you.
C.J.
That was a bad analogy, I apologize. What I meant was that the public will not forgive a
President who withheld information that could have helped them or saved lives. Second,
in a crisis, people need to feel like soldiers, not victims. Third, information breeds
confidence. Silence breeds fear. That's my argument.
Toby, Josh, and Leo all turn to Bartlet.
BARTLET
[pause] If it comes from the President--
TOBY
It shouldn't come from the President.
LEO
It shouldn't even come from the White House.
JOSH
It should come from Health and Human Services.
LEO
How about the secretary, mid-level?
BARTLET
All right, that's what we'll do then.
LEO, JOSH, and C.J.
Thank you, sir.
They all turn to exit.
BARTLET
Toby.
Toby turns back aorund.
BARTLET
What's going on with the Smithsonian?
TOBY
It'll be fine, sir.
Leo, Josh, and C.J. exit. C.J. closes the door behind her. Charlie enters.
BARTLET
Where are you leading them?
He walks out from behind his desk and to Toby. Charlie goes through papers on Bartlet's
desk and watches Bartlet and Toby.
TOBY
Not to turn a blind eye to the dark points of history, for sure, but I think there's a
time and place for that, and this isn't it.
BARTLET
You're changing.
TOBY
No, I'm not.
BARTLET
Yes, you are.
TOBY
A very, very little bit.
BARTLET
Okay.
TOBY
Uh, Mr. President? Could you point me in the right direction on something? One of the vets
who was here has a buddy whose wheelchair's falling apart. Who can get something done
overnight at Medicaid?
BARTLET
Ah, Toby. We've gotta straighten out Medicaid.
TOBY
Yeah.
BARTLET
You know, after the Civil War, veterans had to come to D.C. to get their pensions? They had
to visit the office personally. They waited for a clerk to look through all the Civil War
records until their papers were found. You know what their papers were bound with?
TOBY
No.
BARTLET
Red tape. That's where it comes from.
TOBY
I didn't know that.
BARTLET
Go and apologize to C.J. for whatever you did.
He puts his hand on Toby's shoulder and starts to walk him out of the office.
TOBY
I didn't do anything.
BARTLET
Like that matters.
TOBY
Thank you, sir. [exits]
BARTLET
What's next?
He looks up at Charlie, who is staring at him.
BARTLET
What?
CHARLIE
You know, sir, that story about red tape and Medicaid was interesting, but...
BARTLET
What? [checks his watch and walks over to Charlie]
CHARLIE
Nothing. I'm sorry, you've got economic advisors in the Roosevelt Room.
BARTLET
It was interesting, but what?
CHARLIE
But the man just wanted a wheelchair. Toby's trying to get him a wheelchair.
BARTLET
I forgot.
CHARLIE
Yes.
BARTLET
Hey, I forgot. Get the information from Toby, I'll make the call myself.
Bartlet walks behind his desk and Charlie walks out from behind it.
CHARLIE
Maybe the man can wheel himself around on a book by German biologist Ernst Heikl.
BARTLET
Get the information. Get the director of the CMSO on the phone.
CHARLIE
Yes, sir.
He starts to walk out. Bartlet looks at the papers on his desk for a few moments before
looking back up at Charlie.
BARTLET
1972.
CHARLIE
[stops walking and turns around] I'm sorry, sir?
BARTLET
Is when we passed the Clean Water Act.
CHARLIE
Thank you, sir.
BARTLET
You know nothing about the Visigoths.
CHARLIE
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
And I know everything.
CHARLIE
Yes, sir.
Charlie turns and walks out of the office.
CUT TO: EXT. DUPONT SPORTS AND FITNESS - NIGHT
Josh is standing outside. Amy comes out of the building.
JOSH
Hey.
AMY
What are you doing here?
They begin to walk down the street together.
JOSH
I went up to your office, and they said you were here. Eleanor Roosevelt once made a
speech to the UN General Assembly saying that we should decriminalize prostitution.
AMY
Eleanor Roosevelt was the one who liked hats, right?
JOSH
[looks at Amy] The Undersecretary for Global Affairs and Regina Pierce are gonna sit
with our legal advisor at the UN and look at some alternative language.
AMY
I heard.
JOSH
So.
AMY
Indeed.
JOSH
That's right.
AMY
Are you walking me back to my office?
JOSH
How's making prostitution illegal not supressing women's rights?
AMY
How is making heroin use illegal not supressing a heroin user's rights?
They stop walking.
JOSH
It is, but heroin's bad for you.
AMY
So's being a prostitute.
JOSH
How am I not supposed to call you a hypocrite when you say that the government shouldn't
tell women what to do with their bodies.
AMY
Exercise some self-control, I guess.
They begin walking again.
AMY
Prostitution is about the subjugation of women by men for profit.
JOSH
But the profit goes to the women.
AMY
In some cases. But I know of no little girl, and neither do you, who says "I wanna be a
prostitute when I grow up." They do it 'cause they're forced to out of economic
circumstances. And dire economic need is a form of coersion.
JOSH
But the guys who breaks into my apartment and steals my stereo does it for the same reason.
AMY
And he's going to jail.
JOSH
Yeah, because he broke into my apartment and stole my stereo, and nobody wants that to
happen to them. But you can't say that about the other thing.
CUT TO: INT. WOMEN'S LEADERSHIP COALITION - CONTINUOUS
Amy and Josh step off the elevator.
AMY
J...
JOSH
Forget, for a second, that it's a women's issue. The law isn't a deterrent.
Prostitutes advertise in the yellow pages.
Amy picks up mail from the main desk, reading it as they walk to her office
AMY
J...
JOSH
Aren't we just serving to create more criminals in a criminal environment?
AMY
Josh?
JOSH
Yes?
AMY
Why did you come here?
JOSH
To tell you about the thing.
AMY
The UN?
JOSH
Yeah.
AMY
I'd heard.
JOSH
I didn't know that.
AMY
Why didn't you call?
JOSH
I'm sorry?
Amy hands the mail to a woman seated at a desk near her office.
AMY
Why didn't you call me on the phone?
JOSH
Your office is on the way home.
They enter AMY'S OFFICE.
AMY
It's five o'clock.
JOSH
Yeah.
AMY
[takes her jacket off] You go home at five o'clock?
JOSH
I just stopped by.
Amy walks over to her desk and turns on a light. She picks up a piece of paper and sits on
the edge of her desk, reading the paper.
AMY
Are you dating your assistant?
JOSH
No.
AMY
[looks up at him] I heard you might be.
JOSH
I'm not.
AMY
She's cute.
JOSH
She's my assistant.
AMY
Are you dating Joey Lucas?
JOSH
No.
AMY
She's not your assistant.
JOSH
I know.
Amy looks back down at the paper, then stands up and walks behind her desk.
AMY
You know the thing with guys like you?
JOSH
Why are we talking about this?
AMY
[sits] 'Cause you stopped by.
JOSH
I'm a visible guy. People say things about me. People write things. And what I do reflects
on the President.
AMY
[smiles] Nice save.
JOSH
I didn't make that up.
AMY
Okay.
JOSH
What's the thing about guys like me? [sits]
AMY
[stares at him for a moment] Hmm?
JOSH
[smiles] What's the thing with guys like me?
AMY
[smiles at him, pause] You wanna get hit over the head?
JOSH
[long pause] I have to go.
AMY
See ya.
Josh exits. Amy smiles.
CUT TO: EXT. WLC BUILDING - CONTINUOUS
Josh walks out. He sees a taxi and starts to walk towards the street.
JOSH
Taxi!
He walks quickly towards the taxi. A water balloon suddenly falls to the ground right by
his right leg.
JOSH
What the hell?!
From the balcony a few stories above, Amy yells at him.
AMY
It was a water balloon!
JOSH
[yells up to her] What are you, fifteen years old? You almost hit me in the head!
Amy smiles. Josh stares at her for a moment before a look of realization suddenly comes
over his face. Amy waves to him and walks out of sight. Josh walks away.
CUT TO: INT. C.J.'S OFFICE - NIGHT
C.J. is walking down the hall to her office, pinning her hair up, getting ready for her
briefing. She enters her office to see Nancy McNally standing by her desk.
ANNOUNCER [OS]
Will you take your seats please? The briefing will begin in a few moments. Please take
your seats.
C.J.
Hey Nancy.
NANCY
I understand you're troubled by the arms sale.
C.J. walks to behind her desk. She begins going through papers.
NANCY
The Nazis were a bad analogy. We're not fighting a war with Qumar.
C.J.
Well, this isn't the point, but we will. Of course we will. Of course we'll be fighting
a war with Qumar one day, and you know it, so...well, at least we'll be familiar with the
weapons they're using.
NANCY
We need Khalifa Airbase. We refuel there, and we keep air radar.
C.J.
We don't need it, it's convenient.
NANCY
C.J.--
C.J.
We don't need it. We've got Turkey, we've got Bahraine, we've got Deigo Garcia.
Qumar's convenient.
NANCY
Yes, it's convenient.
C.J.
They beat women, Nancy. They hate women. The only reason they keep Qumari women alive
is to make more Qumari men.
NANCY
So what do you want me to do about it?
C.J.
How about instead of suggesting that we sell the guns to them, suggesting that we shoot
the guns at them? And by the way, not to change the subject, but how are we supposed to
have any moral credibility when we talk about gun control and making sure that guns don't
get in the hands of the wrong people? God, Nancy! What the hell are we defining as the
right people?
NANCY
This is the real world, and we can't isolate our enemies.
C.J.
I know about the real world, and I'm not suggesting we isolate them.
NANCY
You're suggesting we eliminate them.
C.J.
I have a briefing.
She picks up her folder and walks out of the office to the Press Room. Nancy follows.
NANCY
You're suggesting that--
C.J.
I'm not suggesting anything. I don't suggest foreign policy around here.
NANCY
You are right now.
C.J.
It's the twenty-first century, Nancy. The world's gotten smaller. I don't know how we can
tolerate this kind of suffering anymore, particularly when all it does is continue the cycle
of anti-American hatred. But that's not the point, either.
NANCY
What's the point?
They stop walking.
C.J.
The point is that apartheid was an Easthampton clambake compared to what we laughingly refer
to as the life these women lead. And if we had sold M1-A1s to South Africa fifteen years ago,
you'd have set the building on fire. Thank God we never needed to refuel in Johannesburg!
NANCY
[nods] It's a big world, C.J. And everybody has guns, and I'm doing the best I can.
C.J.
[in tears] They're beating the women, Nancy!
A pause. Nancy looks at C.J., then turns and walks away. C.J. stands at the door to the
Press Room for several moments, trying to compose herself, then enters the room.
CUT TO: INT. PRESS ROOM - CONTINUOUS
C.J. walks in. The reporters all take their seats as C.J. walks to the podium.
C.J.
Good evening. We have two birthdays today, so we have cake. One cake. It's nice to share.
Quickly, before I take questions, a late edition to Monday's schedule, the President will be
at the opening of the Smithsonian exhibit commemorating the sixtieth anniversary of the
attack on Pearl Harbor. That's three in the afternoon, and I'll have more information
Monday morning. Labor Secretary Carl Reed will brief from this podium in one hour's time
on our school-to-work initiative, and, let me check, yeah, while that's going on, there'll
be a briefing at the Department of Health and Human services by USDA director David Rhinegold.
Sometime Tuesday you'll be briefed at the Pentagon. The DOD will be annoucing that we've
renewed our lease another ten years with the Khalifa Airbase in Qumar. I understand they've
promised to paint and add new carpet.
A few reporters laugh at her comment.
C.J.
A delegation from...
She looks up to see Toby at the back of the room. He crosses his hands over his heart.
C.J. [cont.]
...state and the UN will be sitting down to go over some last-minute language for Vienna, and
for that trip we'll have your schedules ready middle part of next week. Who's got questions?
Several reporters begin asking questions about C.J.'s words.
DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES.
FADE TO BLACK.
THE END
* * *
The West Wing and all its characters are a property of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells
Production, Warner Brothers Television, and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended.
Episode 3.08 -- "The Women of Qumar"
Original Airdate: November 28, 2001, 9:00 PM EST
Transcript By: Lisa, Irene, Ramius and Musicczar
July 12, 2002