I've been thinking a lot lately about how our lack of impulse control can lead to a lack of agency, autonomy, and self awareness, and this gets as something I hadn't thought of- another reason I lack a sense of agency is that I've spent my whole life trying and failing to please others. I've never sat down and tried to figure out what it is that I WANT to do, because my top priority is avoiding rejection, conflict, and unpleasant situations.

I think this has kept me mentally healthy and safe to a degree, but now it's starting to backfire because I am so stagnant and stuck.

This is so accurate, I'm a mix of both (lately leaning more towards the later)

Quote:

In the long term, there are two personality outcomes. The person with ADHD becomes a people pleaser, always making sure that friends, acquaintances, and family approve of him. After years of constant vigilance, the ADHD person becomes a chameleon who has lost track of what she wants for her own life.

Others find that the pain of failure is so bad that they refuse to try anything unless they are assured of a quick, easy, and complete success. Taking a chance is too big an emotional risk. Their lives remain stunted and limited.