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In class tonight we didn't get to the abortion issue. On the other (euthenasia) we all basically agreed with the relativism arguement-it depends on the situation. Anyway, we're supposed to get up to 14 inches of snow by late tomorrow morning. Man, I am so sick of winter.

I think we'll be hearing from Queen sometime next week. I'm looking forward to having her around again-it's been too long!

Cin, I'm glad your life seems to be finally settling in. Good for you! Happy birthday to Cheech, although I have no idea when groundhog day is.

I really don't have a lot to say tonight ladies. Have a good one.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Hi everyone,Thanks for the warm welcome! I found an introduce yourself in one of the other threads, am I supposed to post something there too. I think I almost have this figured out.

Do you think me saying trip lets like this, it would show up if someone were to do a search? I hope not?

I think I mentioned I finally got the trip lets in daycare in the morning before they go to PK. Which is great BUT my one complaint is that in order for us to get to the school we have to walk the equivalent of 2 football fields(sometimes 3 if I can't find a parking spot) and it is freaking cold here right now. They already haven't been feeling that well, so I have to carry at least one of them so by the time I get to the school ,I am exhausted. They are already complaining because I am supposed to be there by 9 and I usually get in the door at like 5 minutes past. Today I couldn't find a parking spot on the school side of the street so I had to walk across the street with everyone. AND it is not in a good area of town so I feel like a walking target with a neon sign on my head that says "ROB ME, I am easy target". I am grateful they are finally in an all day program but I get so stressed in the morning trying to get them in the door safely ,I hope it will be worth it the long run. Thats my bitch for the day...thanks for letting me vent

Win- I hated it when I was little but I like being taller than everyone now. I love me some sneakers I am lucky I have small feet and I can buy them in the kids section.

Drag- I hope things get better at work for you!

Sun- Heard anything on cop #3? How do you like your job? I always wanted to be a cop or a detective.

Betty- Your brownies sounded delicious! I am lucky if I get 2 when I make them. I hope they legalize euthanasia in the states. Both my parents are adamant about not wanting to be on life support and they want me to shoot them if they lose their minds. Not gonna happen, sorry .

Wish- Good luck if you decide to go with cooking school, it will just make it twice as nice if it is something you enjoy.

I have kind of a cute story from my classroom. For those of you who don't know I teach 5th grade. I have an autistic student in my class who is high functioning and VERY bright. He really has trouble socially and doesn't do much of anything in class. He is a lot of work but I enjoy having him in class. It takes him a long time to get anything out and sometimes I wonder if he is "getting" some of what I say. Well the other day he said something that was so funny. When my kids act like they are in a hurry to leave or look at the clock I always ask them if they have a "hot date" to get ready for. They respond..."ewwwwwwwwwwww!!" Well on Tuesday my autistic boy went for the door before it was time to go and I asked him if he had a hot date and he said "Of course not." Fastforward to yesterday...we were cleaning up and getting ready to go out to P.E. and he thought we were leaving and took his backpack to the back door. I said, "Raymond, we're not leaving yet." and he said, "I have a hot date!" and smiled. It was sooo funny! Everyone laughed. He definitely showed he has a sense of humor and is really listening and understanding what is going on. Anyways....just something cute.

Well, we got hit. There's already like 8 inches of snow outside and it's not supposed to let up until after 7:00 tonight. With the windchill it's 9 outside. And pretty soon I'm going to have to go out and shovel. Oh, to have a slave to do all my work for me.......

Snow, glad you found us here. Yes, if you'd like you can put your story in our intro thread. I really don't think anyone would "discover" who you are by you putting in trip lets. I myself was trying to figure out what you were talking about. That daycare kind of sounds like a hassle. You have to walk two football fields to get them in the door even when you do find a parking space? You have more energy than I do.

Viv, I loved the story about your autistic student! Kids say some of the cutest things!

I myself believe in euthenasia, in almost all circumstances. I think maybe the diagnosis would have to be 100% terminal. My mum had a living will. She was not given any nutrition/fluids to keep her alive. We kept her very comfortable and she died peacefully. When I had my power-of-attorney and will drawn up, in '94 when my doctor called Hospice in for me, the place that did them is Catholic (Notre Dame legal aid) so they wouldn't do a living will. I should get one done. I think it's important.

Anyway, I'm going to read today. I have two papers to knock out this weekend. I hope I can get my brain working. I think it kind of goes along with the weather and right now it's in a deep freeze. Have a good one ladies-

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Your girl is back, though a bit tired at the moment. I need toothpicks to hold my eyelids open. But before I catch a nap, I wanted to thank everyone for their concern. I really appreciate the love. I have been answering pms, ims, and threads. The reason no one has heard from me was because I had a meltdown and checked myself into the hospital for depression. I was there for about a week. After getting out, I still was not myself and wanted to just get my bearings. I am feeling better but honestly still not at 100 percent. I have started depression meds and something to help me sleep at night. My mind races so much about things. And yes, I am still smoking the good green. Funny, while in the hospital I got asked the drug question. My response, no but I smoke weed.... Do you want to talk to a drug counselor? No, just help dealing with this depression, thank you very much...

I know some wondered why my roomie did not jump on the internet. For one, she is very computer illiterate and does not know her way around the internet much less a computer. She also respected my wishes and did not tell anyone where I was who came around and asked for me. I love her for that because she knows that I am a very private person and I wanted to be the one to divulge any info on where I have been. No one here really knows what happened to me except for a few select people. I did not even inform my son because I did not want him to worry. Just know that I am doing better and will soon be getting with my own personal therapist. Poor thing, whoever that will be, because they will be working hard for their money dealing with me...

It is good to see that the thread was still going strong in my absence. There is quite a bit for me to catch up on and will take the time to try to respond over the weekend to what I will come across. Give me a few to play catch up. But for now, I just wanted to check in and let you all know that I am back. I love you all..

Cues Trumpets....... All Hail The Return Of the Queen!!!!!!!! So glad that you are back. There were quite a few people worried about you. We love you. Sorry that you had to go to the hospital but glad you got some help. Hope things will get better. Cristy

Snow - I've got size 8 1/2 feet. Seems like all the cute shoes are under size 7 and the 8 1/2 section is usually picked clean of anything that isn't butt ugly or useless to me by the time I decide to buy a pair. I occasionally get lucky.

Now for my bitch of the day... Since I so rarely bitch online LOLI went to the clinic today for my regular appointment they give you an appointment the week following having your labs done. I clearly recall them telling me today at 1:00. I got there and the lady says nooo, its next week at 1:30. I know I don't have that much HIV in my brain today. I know someone changed the appointment and didn't tell me. I didn't make a fuss. I just told her my observation and let her know I knew it wasn't her fault and to have a nice day.

I figured since I was there I'd try to get my birthcontrol filled so the trip wouldn't be a waste of time. Nope! too early. Come back Monday the nice pharmacist says. Ok, I think well last time I was here the financial department had an issue with TDH <Texas Department of Health> apparently the doctors did not issue a paper stating what medications I was on so they didn't want to cover the cost of my meds. So I thought I would go to their department and see if I could resolve that issue. Wrong!I went in there and the lady told me I haven't been there since 2005 and all the paper work I had given to them in November and December of 2007 was missing so I'd have to fill out a new application and provide them with documentation showing proof of income and residence. After talking to her for a while she found a note in the computer file stating I'd been dumped from the system pending income verification.

<Heavy sigh>

I appreciate the medical care I receive but my goodness they sure do make it hard to keep on top of things when they screw up and blame it on me. Fortunately they still show me as being on Ryan White so I can still get meds. They will likely try to bill me for any doctors visits until I can get them to enter me into the system correctly and not "dump" my records.

Whats a girl to do?

Laugh I guess - makes it harder to cry LOL

Seriously I'm in a good mood. This junk in dealing with a county hospital clinic is nothing new to me. Its a pain in the ass and subpar sometimes but I'm used to it.

Ugh!!!! I still have not gotten a nap in and I feel like a freaking zombie who is also high as shit... Instead of saying gimme brains, I am saying gimme more good green and some sleep...sleeeeeeeep....LMAO. Yeah, despite it all, I still have my sense of humor. I feel like I have missed so much not being around, maybe that is why I haven't gone to sleep yet. Best believe I am taking my high yellow ass to sleep early tonight and will take my trazadone still too.

I remember someone mentioning that their A1C is 7....That isn't good at all. They took mine while in the hospital and mine was 5.9. I hated the meals while there because they had me on that dreaded diabetic diet which meant the food tasted like crap. But when I was going to sleep at night and they would come in to check my sugars, they were dropping very low. A few times it was like 58 which was the lowest and other times somewhere in the 60's. This had never happened to me before which I let them know but since I have been back home, it has not dropped no where near that low. But I am eating better than I was there and back to drinking my Pepsi. One time they wanted to give me 2 units of insulin but I wouldn't let them since I knew my sugar was getting low at night. I felt that would prolly put my body into an insulin coma.

As for the romance part of my life, Rico got kicked to the curb before I went into the hospital. Good riddance. There is someone else interested in me but at the moment, I just don't have the energy to be really interested, if that makes any sense. From what I have heard about him, he seems to be a nice guy. And he's a white man. Yep, I'll try a different flavor, thank you very much. But at this point and fresh out the hospital, I am moving at a snail's pace. The disclosure thing is still an issue for me, got to put my feelers out but maybe things will be a little different considering that he is in the medical field. Maybe this one will be more open. I am not jumping the gun since we haven't even met yet. Just been playing phone tag. But I have decided that if this is to take a more physical turn, I will disclose before losing my clothes. So, yes, I have learned from the last experience and due to my fragile state about now, I don't want to carry around the guilt of not disclosing. But at this point, I am not putting the cart before the horse.

I have been braiding my hair all week so when finished maybe I will take some new pics. I might even post a few, who knows? I hope you ladies are doing well and please know that I have missed my "sisters". Have a good weekend.

Welcome back! Im glad to hear from you!! I had some intuition it might be more than a disconnected line, call it a 6th sense... I been there myself, depression, and all that. I am really glad to see you back. Sometimes we need a crisis to get things to get better, like growing pains.

Its almost 1 am here, just wanna say hi.

Wendy, I just had the idea, we should start a "bitch of the day" thread. there is always something to bitch about, at least in my neck of the woods. I admire your attitude, always better to laugh than cry, I try to do that, don't always succeed. You have nerves of steel, it seems.

Confused, how are you? haven't seen you in a while. Cin, next week you will be eating that catered food in the office suit, wearing jeans! Cristy, "there are always books" is one of the consoling things I tell myself, I just love books, I should be reading more b/c thats what I love most. Betty, good luck with your papers, I gotta work this weekend too cos flying home next week. Viv, cute kid, it's nice that he can communicate like that, it must be so satisfying for you to see kids blossom like this. Tendai, sorry I didnt reply but I really hope youre having a nice weekend, no pressure. Snow, trip lets?!!! I somehow missed that. I mean I knew you had 4 but didnt know 3 where together. wow, OMG!! that's amazing. Im scared just thinking of one. I'd love to know more on how you manage it, and Wishful too, but in fact I dont know how you ladies find time to post at all. In your free time ladies, whenever... signing off now, love to all.

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"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

THE QUEEN IS BACK!Girl, we really missed you on here! I missed your sense of humor and your "getting right to the point" attitude. I need someone like that in my life. I've been hospitalized for depression before. Good for you for recognizing it and doing something. I remember when I would just wallow around, feeling like dying, but at the same time not wanting to kill myself. I'm gald you're back. I've taken Trazadone before. It's a good sleep medication, and works better if you eat something with it.

Wendy, I know about those government agencies! They are pains in the ass. But, what can one do. I'm just glad you could keep your sense of humor.

Drag, I hope you can get some rest this weekend. Don't get yourself too wore down!

OK Cin, where are you? IM'ing Queen? I haven't installed that IM thing yet. One of my friends said not to, because yahoo would "take over my computer."

Ok, my neighbor's (the ones in the middle apartment) smoke alarm is going off and it's driving me crazy! I don't know if anyone is home or not. I think I hear someone. I'll wait for a few minutes, and if it doesn't go off, I'll go knock on their door, then call the landlord if no one answers. Always something.

My best gay friend took me out to eat at a Chinese restaurant. They used to have good food, but the quality this time left a lot to be desired. Oh well, I had good company. No, great company. It was one of those "bitch about people we don't like" kind of dinner. Which is what I needed at the time.

Well, the girl in the front apartment was outside (I just went to bang on the neighbor's door) and she said she's frying chicken. So I guess that irritating noise will be going off for awhile. (They're not home where the alarm is going off) OH, it's starting to shut off. Thank God. Other than that, nothing happening here. Have a good one ladies-

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

It is good to be back, Betty. I have not heard from Cindy yet on Yahoo. Not sure what you're friend meant by Yahoo taking over your computer. I have been using it for awhile and if you download the messenger you don't have to necessarily download the add ons, it gives you the option not to. The only thing aggravating about Yahoo Messenger is that it will sometimes slow you up if you play computer games. Give it a try, if you don't like it, you can always uninstall it. I would love to chat with you away from here. Me and my smart ass humor is back, that is why I still have not finished braiding my hair and kinda resembles a rooster right about now...

Dragonette, Yes, things have been looking a bit up since getting out from the hospital. I have even been talking with my oldest sister who suffers from depression too. So, we have been sharing....

Queen and Her Green, Back on the Scene!! OMG GF, I am so glad you're OK. I will be starting a new job Monday, have been loafing around these past few days taking it easy.

I am so sorry you had crap to deal with. I wonder if the Atripla is making your mind race? I get like that, hell I AM like that, all of the time, but I try to roll with it. Taking Xanax before bed helps me to fall asleep, though.

I'll give you the weekend to recoup and catch up. I look forward to reading your blog for the update. We can chat on IM as well sometime when you're ready, too.

Welcome back Queen! I am glad to hear that you are doing ok and getting whatever help you need. I totally understand that depression thing. The summer of 2006 I hit it pretty low. That was before I was diagnosed and was just starting to really get sick. Hang in there!

Win- I think you are right, I am a 7 1/2 and there is never any left, ever, especially the cute ones. We have a JC Penney outlet up here and they are having a sale now that the clearance items are 1/2 off. I found the cutest pair of size 5 heels and they would have been $1.50. Leather. I was bummed. Right in my price range Speaking of making appts, one of the trip lets has eye glasses and his doc sends out reminder cards. I had in up in the visor and noticed it the morning of the appt. So we went over right on time, got in line, couldn't find his name. It turns out they had resent out last years cards for January so I got the day and time right but I was off a year. Oh well, I tried.

Viv- Your student sounds so adorable! Hope your staying well this time of year, I know around here everyone sends there kids to school sick and it drives me nuts. We get rid of one cold and get another.

Drag- I manage by doing whatever definately needs to get done and not worrying about the other shit My house is a mess, I take a shower every other day. Bribery is a beautiful thing, it sounds bad but it works. I love to read too, especially all the crime novels, takes me away, makes me think my life isn't so bad sometimes.

Betty- We are getting lots of rain here, I am sure it will be nice and slippery in the morning. Hope your reading goes well. I do not have that concentration anymore to read factual stuff and actually have a clue of what I read later, maybe if it something I am really, really interested in.

Someone from the local Aids Foundation finally called me back today. They don't have any support groups but they give financial support so she is sending me an application. She also gave some contact info so that I could look into getting a case manager. With finding this website and getting the info today, I finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. Almost.

Ugh, I have still not been to sleep. I was going to try to blog tonight to explain things a bit better but I am just plain exhausted. I will work on it tomorrow sometime. Well, I see a new face...Snow, how the hell are you? I haven't peeped your intro or anything so I am winging it. Welcome to the forums. Speaking of local ASO case managers, I plan on getting a new one. I left a message for the Supervisor because I felt she could've done a better job of helping me get my hearing aids replaced. My old case manager would've taken me and he worked more than 2 days a week. The gas was always reimbursed, so it wasn't like she would've been taking a loss.

I will also be moving once again, prolly in April. The gas bill is plain outrageous. I am paying more out for my gas bill than rent and cable combined. Once I move which will be not even a block from where I am, there will be another room mate, a male. Actually, it use to be where my current roomie use to live. I know the man and he is nice so there will be no problems. There is a huge attic so I will transform that into my bedroom and living room. The bills will be much easier to handle and I will have the chance to finally save some money. Both my roomies are at least 15 + years older than me and I prefer that. I feel like the ghetto Three's Company....

Cindy, Nurse Leah thinks the Atripla may have led to my depression and I have heard it can in certain people. I am now on Celexa for the depression and my ID doc thinks that I can stay on the Atripla since I have started taking it. I agree because I really don't want to go on something new and have to deal with side effects again. If I catch wind of feeling down or whatever, I know what to do. And there is another place that is more residential and not like the hospital. I had been there when my sister fell into a deep depression but at the time, I wanted to be somewhere where I couldn't just walk out. Well, I could've at the hospital but didn't want to.

As far as my hearing aids go, I got my left one back but the right one is being repaired. My insurance finally decided to cover the repair. And my son had someone's car and took me to get it. This was like the next day after being out of the hospital. I am feeling a bit relieved about that. It has been a week since I dropped off the right one but Ed said something with the volume control was shorted out so I guess it is taking a bit longer. And I have new warranty for both hearing aids which is a year. But Ed has been a trooper about it all. I had planned on seeing him twice before I went into the hospital but couldn't make it for lack of a ride. Then I was in the hospital and could barely hear any messages from my voicemail on the hospital phones. It was funny because the day I was heading to see Ed, he had called to tell me my left one was back.

Mom, You can't braid hair? That amazes me sometimes, I don't know why. But then I know a guy who braids his sons hair, he has 3 of them and a daughter. His gf can't braid. I like doing braids actually and if I was near, I wouldn't mind doing Mini's at all. It actually takes me about a week to do my own. Depending on how you would want Mini's hair done and if she could sit for that long, I could get it done way quicker than my own. I still have to learn how to braid designs though.

I been seeing there are still some sisters missing. Has Ms. NY check in at all? I didn't notice a post by Cammie or Sunseeker and I hope Afraid is doing better too. As much as I would like to stay on chat for a bit more, I need to lay it down and fall into a deep coma. My roomie actually told me I snore. OMG, but she said I am not loud, thank the Goddess for that. I will chat with you all tomorrow sometime....I really need to finish my hair before I do though, so it may be late in the day or evening.

Yes, I know, it's a crazy time to be up on a Saturday, or any other morning for that matter. It's only 7:10 here. We got a ton of snow yesterday. 14 inches. Maybe I already posted that.(?) Oh well. I'm still pissed about it. Monday it's supposed to be 43, Tuesday 40 and rain/changing to snow late Tuesday night. I don't know what is causing this craziness with the weather, but I will be so glad when spring is here. I feel like I need to have one of those lights that some people use who had that seasonal affective disorder.

Queen, I was serious about eating with the Trazadone. It makes it work quicker. You know, if you're having trouble falling asleep with it. I'm just so glad you're back. I think the thing my friend was talking about was all the random stuff that yahoo pops up onto the computer (extra downloads). I might still try it. I'd love to chat with you also. I'm glad you'll be moving into a more affordable place. Where I live the utilities are included in the rent. It's still hard to make it though living on "the system," as well you know.

Snow, I'm glad your Aids foundation is going to help you some financially. Too bad they don't have any support groups, though. The aso here does, but it's on a night I'm in school. And believe me, my concentration isn't all that wonderful. I used to be able to cram for a test the night before the actual test and recall everything. Now, I have to study like three times a day, three days before the test to retain anything. And it's still hard.

Well, as for living on the system-I still have not gotten my food stamps on my card yet. I know it's only $10, but hey, every little bit helps. My aso has a food pantry and my case manager gave me some food Thursday and a $10 food voucher to a local grocery store. Now, my recertification took place (or supposedly took place) in December and the case worker is still dragging her feet. It's so frustrating.

Today I have to do some laundry and study. I knocked out one paper yesterday, so I have one to go. Then this evening I'm going to a meeting with my bff. I haven't been to a meeting for a few weeks and I can always tell. I really start to get squirrely. And, I have to dump something else. OK, I have started smoking again. I started like about five days ago. For me in my case though, it's better than the alternative. Hey, I'm a dope fiend plain and simple. I can't just use drugs "once in awhile." I can't just "have a few drinks." I have to go until I can't go anymore, which probably would mean getting locked up in a crazy ward (no offense Queen. I say that because I feel like I can, since I've been in so many of them myself. And I think only those of us who have been there can call them that). The last go-round with drugs, which were legal ones (prescription) landed me in a nursing home. As a resident. And that was about as far down as I've ever gotten. OK, I'm baring my soul. It wasn't pretty, believe me. And when I finally was court-ordered into a mental ward, the withdrawal was horrible. I was literally in bed for three days. The first shower I had was given to me by two nurses, as I was way too out of it to do it myself. For me, that was hitting rock bottom. And it took awhile for my mind to clear. Over the years (from the time I was 14) I've used various drugs. When I was 16 I "blew out" two of my heart valves from shooting too much cola. So I switched to heroin, my reasoning was that it couldn't hurt my heart because it's a downer (how's that for justification). That's what landed me working as a stripper when I was 17. So I've withdrawn from different drugs, including heroin, booze, Methadone, and the last ones being the prescription ones, which included Valium, Dextroamphetamine (at extremely high doses), Morphine, ES Vicodin and powerful sedatives. Plus which the crazy doctor (who was a psychiatrist) who was prescribing all those things was also prescribing extremely large doses of thyroid medication and a large mixture of hormones. So yes, coming off that was very, very hard. Maybe I'm justifying my smoking by saying "well it's better than the alternative," but I don't feel guilty in the least. I think I'm so open-minded because of everything I've done and been through. I have many horror stories, from rapes/beatings, to watching junkies die in a dope house from accidental o.d.'s. ::shudder:: OK, now I'm rambling. I'll stop.

Today, life is better. Having AIDS (diagnosed as such in '94), being diabetic, having depression issues, and being a smoker, whatever that risk entails, is still better than the alternatives. I hope all you ladies are sleeping well, especially you Queen. I miss our girls that haven't been on here also. Camms hasn't been on in awhile though. NY hasn't checked in in quite awhile. I hope she and her baby are well. Wishful doesn't check in anymore either. Maybe everyone's in deep freeze. Have a good one ladies-

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Hello Ladies. Queen, I hope you got some sleep. I welcomed you back, with the appropriate fanfare but you must have missed it. I am just glad you are home and okay. The Ghetto 3's Company sounds funny. Trust you to come up with something like that. Not much going on here. No work today but Robert and I will be taking our room apart cause he lost his favorite bible and we can't find it. Betty, we just have too much in common as far as past history. I never actually saw anyone OD but I tended to go off by myself to get high. Most people got on my nerves when I was doing crack. Most people get on my nerves anyway cause even without drugs, they just want something from you, Present company excluded. I tried to make a new friend a couple weeks ago and turns out all she wanted was a third for a threesome with her man. I am not the one. I used to have a girlfriend(15 years ago) and we liked to do that but I don't know this girl well enough for her to be asking me that shit. Somebody asked me why I am not going out with the local guy again. I had fun but he will want sex probably sooner than later and I do not want to disclose cause he is LOCAL. I would like to have sex but not at the risk of everything I am trying to do here in this small community. And the nice SC guy, I just lost interest. I finally talked to my Medicaid worker and we are approved for 6 more months. I am so relieved. I only made $ 6,000 last year, I cannot afford $1500 per month for my Atripla. She made a comment about me being so patient and I had to really bite my tongue cause It wouldn't have helped to say, What fucking choice do I have but to be patient, bitch? So, Yah for Medicaid. I got my labs Thursday. CD4 at 520 and my VL is 86. They said not to worry about the VL since it is still low but I have been undetectable for well over a year. Probably the bad sinus infection that I had when I went in. Snow, welcome. Triplets, wow. I can keep up with my one but would be hard pressed to keep up with 4 kids. Viv, that was cute, he had a hot date. Thanks for the smile. Wendy, sorry your clinic did that to you. Mine has done that a couple times and I told them That it is a hour and a half drive for me and they managed to fit me in. If they wouldn't have changed my appointment then all would have been okay. I have size 9 feet but I love heels especially boots with 3 to 4 inch heels. I've got about 5 pairs of boots and want more but will make do with what I have. The newest pair is only 4 years old. I just take them off as soon as I get home and try to keep them nice. Anyway, hope everyone is well. Glad you are back , Queen. Check out my new avvie, Sweet Girl all grown up. Later. Cristy

Queen, I can braid for the sake of braiding, but i can't do all those really cool braids. My french braiding leaves a lot to be desired, too! When her hair was longer (and bushier), I'd take her to the beauty school but they never understood what I wanted. All just a bunch of fellow white girls . I wanted small braids that started at the scalp and continued all the way down like you see in Jamaica (but not dredlocks).

Now her hair is very, very short thanks to her cutting it all off (to the scalp) last August - 2 days before her birthday party - with kiddie scissors. The only choice we had - besides strangling her - was to shave the rest off. There was less than a palm-full left. It's to the point now that we have to decide whether to let it keep growing or trim it back short. I'd love to let it grow, but in the process it would be nice if someone could braid it for us. She's really good about sitting still and loves to have her hair done, we just can't find anyone who can do it She wants it braided with beads on the ends so she can "jingle" when she walks. I dont think she has enough hair for that.

Hey, can you also PM me and tell me some good shampoo and conditioner to use for her. I use cream of nature, choleserol 1x/wk, and olive oil everyday to keep it soft. Otherwise, it's just a dry, brittle, curly mess. I know that the meds come out in her hair, too, which doesn't help. Anyone else that can help, paging Wish, please feel free to chime in. I need help!

Queen- I hope you are getting some rest. I just read your blog and it kind of makes me glad I have no brothers or sisters. Sorry to hear you went through that. I could use some braiding tips myself all my kids are 1/2 black. For the boys I got the clippers down, haven't quite learned how to fade yet but I'm working on it. As far as my daughter goes...she gets one little 3 strand brand on the top in the front and WALA! Done! Three's Company sounds pretty fun just as long as you don't have a Mr. Roper around. Oh yeah, I meant to ask you, is there anyway to do a blog and keep it anonymous?

Betty- Thanks for sharing, if smoking is going to keep you away from the stuff that could hurt you even more I am all for it. It is what it is. Everyone has thier vices, mine just happen to be toxic men. It is good that you can recognize what you are capable of and it sounds like you will be a great addiction counselor. Your keeping it real and too many people, especially the ones with no life experience and think that they are "book smart" think everything should be black and white and easy as 1-2-3. You do you. I am much more open minded after surviving all my shit too. I just need to focus, figure out a game plan and get to getting. Have you ever tried reading aloud and recording yourself and then listening to it while you sleep. I wonder if that shit works? I always seem to incorporate what is on TV in my dreams if I fall asleep when it is on.

Minismom- My 2 cents I used Pink moisturizer in my daughters hair. It is in a bright pink bottle with a black top. Just put in after shower/bath, comb thru and leave it in. There is also a Soft and Beautiful Just for Me line that works pretty good. Depending on where you live these can be hard to find, if you don't have any luck I will send you some.

Thanks, cjc. Good job biting your tongue It amazes me sometimes just how clueless some people are. I have definately learned to pick my battles. What is an avvie?

I am going to get a shower and take the kiddos to Chuck e cheese, not my idea of fun, but I have a coupon and they need to get out of the house.

I tried pink lotion, it didn't absorb very well. Also tried Just for Me. It worked pretty good, but I like the way Olive Oil smells. It leaves her hair really shiny, too. We need to find some sort of a style for her. Folks keep calling her a boy - even in head to toe pink and tinkerbell shoes. I have short hair, too, and i never get called a boy! She's quit correcting them and just sigh really loud at them. It's really funny! When her hair was longer, we had it stacked up in the back and the sides came down to the bottom of her ears. She had no bangs and it was really cute. I loved it - then she went and scalped herself.

Not sure now if we could even braid it. It's short and VERY tight curls.

I am here but having low blood sugars today. Its also Cheech's 14th birthday, so we are spending quality time together! LOL I will post a birthday pic of him later on. I am trying to get out the door to Kohls to buy some bras on sale. Anyone ever try "Skinny" jeans? It says they are tighter through the butt and thigh. I figured with lipo they might be a good choice, since I have no ass or thighs anymore, but I wonder about this pouch? LOL I'll let you know how I did later on....

I will reply to everyone tonight. Also, Queen, I was the one with the 7.3 A1C, its a never-ending battle..... 7.1, 7.0, 6.9, 6.8 and now 7.3, every draw every 3 months, with the most recent being early January. My pump is so frustrating. I have 8 malfunctioned ones to send back, nevermind trying to calibrate it for the right amount of insulin. Now that I am starting a new job, that will take some adjusting, too.

So much for checking in later after completing my hair. I am still looking like a rooster over here. I will work on it sometime today. It's not like I got plans to go anywhere but I do have to have it done before Monday because I have a few appointments to attend. Since we are on the topic of hair....

Mom, Have you given thought to putting extensions in Mini's hair? It sounds to me like she has enough hair to do that. That is what I do to my own hair and just the way you want Mini's done too. Usually because I make the braids so small, I can manage the braids for months or in other words keep them in that long without them trying to turn into dreadlocks. I wouldn't suggest as long for Mini since she is mixed but at least a month. This will actually cause her hair to grow too. I also use Organic Root Stimulator Sheen Spray on the braids, it contains olive oil and will keep Mini's hair and the braids from being dry. Snow's suggestion of using Pink Oil Moisturizer is a good idea too especially after you would take Mini's hair down and wash and dry her hair. You can put that on her hair and scalp actually. When I started braiding my own hair, it was about the length of Mini's. Now it is just past my shoulders. Being mixed myself, I hate my hair because it is ultra thin. Ugh, thanks Dad. Which is the Puerto Rican side. Why couldn't I get the nice long thick hair, huh!?! I really wish you were closer cause I would love to get into Mini's hair and I like to do beads for her too. I did a little girl's hair that way once and she loved it. Her stupid mother took it down because she must've thought I was the little girl's father's gf or something.

I finally did go to sleep but it was around 5am this morning. I got up at 11am but I feel rested and no longer look like a zombie. My sugar was at 201, not good but I had major munchies last night and went on a sugar binge. I can think of worse things to be addicted to than weed. That's why those anti-drug commercials really piss me off to no end. Why not show someone smoking crack? You know, show a house full of nice things..then show the person smoking crack..then show the nice things slowly disappearing or show a female tricking herself out to stay high. To me, what they show now is not realistic at all.

Christy, I know what you mean about people getting on your nerves. And it really is hard to find a friend these days. Sure I know a lot of people but to me they are merely associates. You have to earn the title of friend with me. I also know what you mean about disclosure in a small town. So imagine how it was for me when my sisters decided to put me out there. And in the black community folks are really ignorant about hiv and if they work in the medical field and know your status, it's part of the gossip mill. Despite them knowing they are suppose to keep it confidential. That bothers me more than anything but with people being the way they are here and considering that I look healthy, they are prolly scratching their heads. I am late getting my labs done. I was suppose to have done it last week but I wil go do it on Monday. The results will more than likely not be back in time by my appointment on Wednesday. If anything, the cd4 may be back but not the viral load. I am a little concerned because I actually missed taking them once when I had my meltdown and then the hospital goofed and missed a day. Then my routine was changed because I usually took them after midnight or close to when I was going to bed. While in the hospital I was getting them by 10 pm. I'll cross my fingers and hope for the best. My sugar was crashing like crazy while in the hospital. A few times it was down to 58 and they began feeding me glucose tabs. Hell, they tasted like candy to me, I just hate that they had to keep pricking me so often. But while there I did learn how often to check my sugar and the areas on my fingers where it is less pain ful to stick myself. And the diabetic diet sucked. I say I was crashing because they were keeping me from drinking my Pepsi... Since being home my sugar hasn't been that low at all and today was actually the highest it has been. I usually range from 100-130 and that when I am not eating. When I eat maybe in the 140's. But to me, I feel good then when it drops below 100, I get jittery. I have been drinking plenty of Vitamin water also. 2 32 oz bottles equals 8 glasses of water so I am good and my tests show that my liver and kidneys are fine so I must be doing something right.

Betty, I will try taking the trazadone with food. I didn't know that. At first the pills and a few doobies, I would sleep like a baby. Last night or this morning I was so tired I didn't even take any trazadone, I just crashed. But am amazed I feel rested with only 6 hours sleep. But I will get a nap in just to equal out everything. I am just falling back into my 3rd shift routine since coming home from the hospital. When I first got home, I was in bed by midnight and up at 7am. Take a nap around 11 and be back up by 2 or 3. I think it is weird that people only get 10 bucks in stamps? How the hell can anyone eat off of that? I get $162 and I still have to try to stretch things out sometimes. I did try the food bank a few times but I just can't get up that early and now without a car, it is impossible. My ASO use to give out 25 dollar vouchers if you asked for them but now they barely give them out. They only will after you go to the food banks. My old case manager use to bribe me to my clinic appointments by giving me 2 vouchers. He was a sneaky little queen but I loved him and miss him dearly. After awhile he weaned me down to one voucher. It is because of him that I never miss an appointment with my ID doc and if he was still alive, he would be cursing me out for waiting so late to get my labs done.

Personally, I was never on the hard drugs. I would do coke back when I lived in Florida. The guy who infected me got me started on that real bad. I had experimented with crack for a minute, slipped up a few times, went into rehab, did a few AA meetings (which my Dad would be at) and just kind of walked away from it. I have tried acid back in the day when it was fun and will admit that I liked it, I never had a bad trip. I was the social barfly since I also was a DJ but was never what you would call a drunk. I did have to learn the hard way about mixing drinks and had a few nights of hurling. I learned quick too. My drink of choice was Tangueray straight and after getting a good buzz going the night would either end with me fucking or fighting. Excuse my bluntness. Until one day, I was in fight mode and beat the shit out of a girl, I thought was someone else. That was my wake up call and I stopped drinking on my own for about 2 years. When I tried to drink again, it was rather nasty tasting to me. So now I tend to drink girlie drinks like Arbor Mist or Alize. But from time to time I will drink some Corona with tequila. Only in moderation and within the confines of home, I gave up the bar scene.

Through this journey called life, I have lived the good life meaning that I came from good schools and the life of money but has also lived the life of being ghetto fabulous. And knowing what it means to have to struggle. I have lived the life of a drug dealer to the life of a drug fiend but through the ashes from the fire I have become and always will remain a Queen.

wow, this thread has really accelerated... lots to read. im sitting in a freezing room b/c the heater here broke down, and its snowing, so will be short.

Minismom, I use Dark & Lovely conditioner, no am not black but have tendencies towards a Jewphro.. . Its great on my hair, and consider that my hairs all white as well and I dye it. white hair's more brittle anyway.

Betty, cigarettes are not good, no doubt about that, but its the lesser of evils. You know, my dad still smokes, and he's an MD . I know cigs are what they are, but I also know a lot of smokers, incl my parents, friends, BF. Here is Europe people still smoke, in Spain and Holland you can smoke in most bars and restaurants. Kind of ironic that the number one exporter of tobacco and its products cracks down the strongest on smoking. what im trying to say is, yup smoking is no doubt bad, but lets keep it in proportion please. its not a good habit, and its better to do it less than more, but here its still a pretty normal habit, whereas i get the feeling that in the states its been reduced to something like drinking cyanide... so dont be hard on yourself, try to do not too much of it if you smoke, thats it i guess... but please, try to go to a meeting, i think it'll do you good.

Queen the new housing situation sounds good. im glad you have the hearing aids again. looks like things are picking up from how they were before you got depressed. im happy for ya

Cristy, i get you about the disclosure. im very free here, considering, but this is the priviilage of being a foreigner, home and knowing how people over there are about HIV, or in spain even, would be a different story, thats one reason im scared, i almost never had to face being poz "in the real world". Having said that, if I liked someone, I'd hang about and investigate how open he was in general. Like a calculated risk I guess.

my wrist is getting awful again due to the cold and i have work to do, which i havent done... ill keep it short & sweet. Have a good one ladies.

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"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

I'm going to play some with Mini's hair tomorrow afternoon or Monday. Cant' do it today - cuz I'm about to go on my 1st date since June / 07. YEAH!! Should I wet it, put stuff in it, and then try and braid it? Whilst on my date, I'm gonna see about picking up those wee little rubber bands, too.

Oh, FYI, we don't actually know if Mini's mixed or not . We know what the lady is, but since she named 6 different guys as possible sperm donors, each one being a different nationality, creed, and color, we'll never know.

Thanks for your help. It is so most excellent to see you back among us! I'm off for my shower and my date! Be good everyone - cuz I certainly won't be

You said Mini's hair is usually dry? Depending on how dry it is, maybe put some stuff on it one day, work it into her hair and scalp. Then the next day try to braid it. If you plan on trying extensions with her hair definitely wait the next day or you will catch hell trying to grip her hair. Oh wow, so you really don't have a clue to her nationality. Don't make a habit of using rubber bands too much either. They will break off her hair. Or if you have no choice but to use the rubberbands to hold the braids then don't wrap them too tight. Keep us posted on how the date goes...

LOL@jewfro....That I gotta see because I never heard of a white person using a black perm but then there is a first time for everything. I need to get back to braiding my hair but am not motivated yet.

Thanks for the advice, Dragonette. It is actually very good advice but I could tell after just one date that this guy was really oldfashioned and I wasn't willing to risk being rejected(main reason) or being outed in my community and that is mostly a rejection issue to. For someone who doesn't really like people my feelings get hurt very easily so I isolate with my family or books or ya'll. I mostly feel safe here cause ya'll seem to like me no matter what. Queen, I like your idea for a real;istic commercial about drug abuse. I never spent my whole paycheck or tricked to obtain weed but I sure did for crack. It is a living death and I am glad to be done with it. I haven't done any in at least 2 years and the time before that was 6 months in between. Snow , an avvie is Avatar. The picture of my cat is my Avatar(sp?) As I get older I have learned to bite my tongue more but it is still hard sometimes. Hope everyone has a good day. I will check back in later. Cristy

I'm trying to get motivated to add up all of my medical expenses, massages included, for my taxes. Just keeping this short for now, as well. Queen, I still have to check out your Blog for the updated story. Not sure if you posted there yet since your return.

I was snorting when I read "Jewphro" as well, yes, our Drag has some pretty blond curls! Girl, you are too much!

Also, Queen someone else is very happy that you have returned, and just in time for his birthday, no less!

Cheech is 14 years old today! I have been spoiling him! He got some gifts and we were just sitting here sharing Ritz crackers with cheese and peanut butter, lol. Here's a few birthday pics from earlier today!

My granddaughter just left. She was here for a couple hours while her "mom" and her brother went and got their hair cuts. I made us some dinner (hamburger helper [lasagna] and broccoli). She ate like a pig. But, she is seven, so in the growing years.

Queen, is that how you keep your figure is to drink Pepsi without eating too much? Cause I sure need some tips. No, seriously, I've never tried that, but I don't feel like eating all the time and my blood sugars have a tendency to crash. (the lowest one was 30). And I hate the feeling when they do crash. And like you, anytime mine fall below 100, I start shaking, sweating, etc. I don't even know what my last A1C was. I know it wasn't good though, because my doc told me so. Of course, that was when I quit smoking and started eating everything I could get my hands on. Oh, about the Trazadone. A nurse told me that years ago and I found out it worked. It also made the med work a lot quicker.

Cristy, usually people who get their feelings hurt really easy don't like or trust people. I tend not to trust people; but then again, I'm very open about my past life. I know anything anyone has to say about that, well, they can kiss my sweet ass. I know how far I've come from where I was. The thing I don't trust most people with are my feelings. Very few people know how I really feel, emotions wise, know what I mean? I've found that while emotions are the most treasured of feelings, they also seem to be the very thing that people use against each other so often.

Drag, girl, the heat quit and it's snowing there? I hope you've got extra blankets and a space heater! Take care of yourself!

Mum, I hope you have a good time on the date. You deserve to have a wonderful time. You are a fantastic person and I wish for you many more happy bd's!

Wendy, I'm glad you keep a sense of humor. It always makes things easier to take.

Snow, I hope your nerves weather the chuck e cheese thing today. I can hardly take that place if I take like my granddaughter there. I try to get in and get out as fast as possible.

Cin, I hope you and Cheech are having a good time celebrating. Have fun with Ice! Jam on gf, jam on.

About the anti-drug commercials, Cristy and Queen are so right-on. Although they do have one here about meth. But the anti-marijuana commercials are just so malinformed. I always used to say (about people who drink) that no one has ever killed someone driving being under the influence of pot, but thousands have gotten killed from someone being drunk and getting behind the wheel. Oh believe me, if pot didn't make me totally neurotic, I would probably still smoke it. I never turned a trick for a 1/4 oz. There just wasn't the desperation to get more when I used to run out of pot like there was when I needed some smack. I wonder why they don't make more commercials about the drugs that really cause the problems. But like I said, I had to quit smoking quite awhle ago because I became a total flip-nut.

Other than that, I went and did some laundry today and read a little. I still have an exam to study for; tomorrow I'm going to write the other paper. I hope all you ladies have a good day.

Oh, Cin, I see you posted when I tried to. I will enjoy looking at your pic's.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Cindy--- Yeah, I did update my blog with what happened with me. I did that today. Give Cheech a big scratch for me. I love other people's dogs but never really wanted one of my own. I prefer my kitties. And I have totally fallen for Nefertiti and so has Lucifer, not in the humping kind of way, he is utterly loyal to my roomie's female Princess Polly (which is what I call her) but he does take to Nef (her nickname) in a brotherly type way. I think Boogie Man, the all black cat, is enamored by her. He fought Lucifer once because he thought Lucifer was trying to hurt her. Ziggy is affectionate but sneaky, always trying to creep in my room to mark and I am always chasing him with the water bottle.

Christy-- I always put a bit of money aside for my green or else I send plays to my connect and he gives me plays in return. I didn't have to spend a dime this check day... I use to have a friend though who would sell her shit, her kids shit or steal shit to get weed which I thought was nuts. She stole a couple of my movies once. And I have still to replace Interview with the Vampire but did have to buy another Queen of the Damned. When I go through dry spells, it's simply what it is, dry. I do get a little cranky but sometimes I think I have so much thc built up that I can actually do good for a few days. And the 7 days in the hospital didn't affect me at all. But when I got out I got some... And was blown for a good while.

Betty-- I wouldn't doubt that the Pepsi does fill me up. I usually switch between drinking that and Vitamin Water. Depending on what is around the house, I usually eat one meal a day and snack the rest of the day. Don't get it twisted, according to health standards, I should be at 135 for my height but am at 165 instead. I think I just wear the weight well except for a little bit of a tummy. Not sure if that is from having the 3 c-sections or not. I have not gained any weight since being on the depo shot either. I have been on that, I think, going on 2 years now. I love not having any periods. I am waiting on my sister to bring me an application to the Y and will eventually start working out with her. My roomie has a Tai- Chi video and we may start doing that soon.

Tomorrow is the Super Bowl. Of course, I am going with the Patriots. I can't root for the Giants since the knocked my team out of the playoffs, that would be betrayal. I will finish doing my hair and see what happens during half-time....

Our "date" went very well. We left about 4, went to the craft store, ate at a wonderful restaurant called Boomerang, went to the furniture store, the material store, dollar tree, the book store,and by 7:30 we were both yawning!

Oh my gosh I'm OOOOOLLLLLLDDDDDD! When did this happen??

We did manage to go to Applebee's and share a walnut butter blondie. Then, I fell asleep on the way home. We got home before 10. Kiddies were asleep and we're about to follow.

Happy birthday, Cheech! Hope mommy spoiled you rotten and you got lots of really good treats!

Good evening ladies, my bff just left. We went to an NA meeting then out for coffee. I'm a little caffeinated up, but that's wearing off. It was a good meeting. I feel more centered now.

Queen, I'm glad to hear that the Depo shot didn't cause you to gain weight. I'll be starting that Wednesday. I still have to pick up the prescription for it from the drugstore. The doc told me they don't keep in the office anymore, as too many vials were expiring and they were having to throw a lot of it out. I surely do not want to gain anymore weight.

Cin, did you get your taxes done? I have yet to study for the exam I'll be taking Tuesday night. I guess I better study soon, though, as it takes my brain about three days to really hold in test information.

Mum, I'm so glad to hear you had a good date with your man. Yes, you should make those mandatory monthly. You deserve it.

Well, I'm going to check out a few more threads and hit the sack. I'm starting to get really tired. Have a good one ladies-

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Mum~ I'm glad to hear the date went well, and I didn't know Mini was adopted (or a foster child?), I thought you were her birth mother. Sorry that I missed that somewhere along the way. Did your date sing Happy Birthday to you?

Queen and BT~ I get light-headed most of the time when I am below 100 with my blood sugars, but other times I can be as low as 50 and never even felt the low approaching. That number is scary cause right then you know you're on the fence and about to fall off! I get ravenously hungry when my sugar drops, I crave starch big time when I have insulin reactions. I guess its part of the fight or flight thing....either fight your way to the fridge ASAP to graze and gorge, or take flight and leave this world. Yikes!

I am hoping that with a regular lunch catered at the office, I can have soup and salad every day and do better. Of course, I could also become as big as a house, too. Damn.

I read about what some of you posted regarding depression, drug use, drinking, etc. I have never had to battle those demons, I have never been brave enough to try anything illegal, or to even get drunk. I know, I know, Ms. Prude over here. I firmly believe that seeing my mother high most of the time in the late 70s and early 80s turned me off from ever trying anything as a teenager. Also, being diabetic at age 11, I wasn't going to throw anything else into the mix that would mess with my system. I was too scared of what the outcome might be, and I never wanted to lose control, esp because of the diabetes itself.

So, I'm proud of all of you who have overcome the odds. Don't be so hard on yourself. We all know that we could be much worse off than we are, and hell, we all have our vices and bad habits, whatever they may be.

I did my tax returns tonight. I was so nervous, thinking I would owe a ton of money since I didn't have any state tax withheld from all of that unemployment pay I received. That unemp pay was nearly half of my income for 2007! I really didn't make any money and I don't know how I survived! Even with MADAP paying my $300 COBRA premium for half the year along with my prescription copays, my medical expenses were still close to $3,800! And that's out of my pocket, just copays and everything added up! It was mainly the chiropractor and massage therapist for my neck that cost the most.

That being said, I am happy to report that I am getting a tax return totalling close to $800! I am SO relieved. I was in tears when I saw the bottom line tonight. I have to get those suckers in the mail Monday! LOL

I think I will go to bed now. Staying up this late tonight is only going to screw up my sleep schedule for tomorrow night, and I've got a new job to commute to on Monday. I still can't believe I went for it and got it! And all so fast, too! What was I thinking, lol? I hope the work will be easy, bookkeeping usually is for me. That would be awesome, if I could crank out the work because it's simple for me to do. We'll see!

Now where the hell are Cams, NY, Afraid....they REALLY haven't been around in awhile. I hope Blessed is OK, and even though Paulette doesn't post here, her story about her husband's illness breaks my heart. I can't help but think of her constantly. If you haven't read her thread in the Women's Forum yet, go check it out. Very sad.

Betty-- I picked up my depo prescription on Friday but have to get the shot on Monday. My gyn seems to keep some on hand because one time the nurse had did something to the syringe and when she went to give me my shot, it squirted all over the place. She came back a second later with another shot. I have heard some people say the shot puts weight on them, I'm just glad I am not one of them. I prefer the shot to taking the pill. My bff says the depo shot didn't do anything for her, not even stop her periods. I did take your advice and took the trazadone after eating but I still don't feel sleepy. Maybe because I am on a lose dose, only 50 mg. But once I do go to sleep I sleep pretty good. When I first started taking it, I had a few nightmares, very vivid.

Mum-- Glad that your date went well. I am with Cindy, I didn't know Mini was adopted either. I would like to go to Applebee's one day. I love me some steak.

Cindy-- I agree, I know I have come a long way when it comes to drugs. That is why I really don't pay much attention when folks try to say that weed is a gateway drug. I think that is bull but then that's just my opinion. And I really don't think weed is a bad vice to have. Speaking of which, it is time for me to roll another one.. But for the most part, weed really helps me to keep an appetite. And usually when I munch, it's on things like salad or nuts of some kind. Or like the night before, I go on sugar binges but that is not too often. Congratulations on the new job. And I remember when you use to stress about not working and not having a man, look at you now. You go, girl. And there is nothing wrong with not having any addictions. Personally, I wouldn't be the one to try to get someone who doesn't smoke to try it.

For the most part, most people who smoke isn't in a hurry to invite people over to smoke with them. I know I don't. I mean my roomie smokes too and sometimes we smoke together. Then there are times when we are in our rooms and smoke alone. Or if one has weed and the other one doesn't, we share or roll the other their on doobie. I hate trying to smoke a doobie or a blunt and you got like 5 or more people smoking with you. There is bound to be one who wants to nurse the blunt and mess up rotation. Smokers know the group rule....Puff, Puff, Pass....

Well, I just came in for a few. I am off to play my computer game some more.

Good very early morning, ladies! Yes, Mini, as well as 4 other of our 6 children are adopted - only 1 biological (our #5). We brought Mini home from the hospital at 2 days old. Hubby and our oldest are both Honduran, so she looks like them. Our 1 biological has blond hair and blue eyes - so much for the "dominant" gene theory

Ok, I'm starting to figure out how this thread works, so here goes.

Cindy - I'm scarred to death to do our taxes. Hubby does them on lone and last year was the 1st time we OWED taxes and owed big time. We've never made less money and what little we did make, the government wanted it back. We are both self-employed which just means more and more and more taxes. The tax software that hubby uses keeps track of how much we're going to get / owe as you go through each step. He came running upstairs to tell me that we were going to get back some $3000 - YEAH!!!!! Then, he did the last couple of steps and WHAMMO! We had to cut the governemnt a check for $1800! What the tax software failed to tell us is where we were supposed to GET the $1800. Hubby said he did better on our quarterly estimated taxes, so we shouldn't get hit as hard this year. What we actually make is laughable, really, especially for a family of 8.

Queen - So glad to see you back and going to meetings. We all have our vices, past and present, that we're trying to get over (or live through). And, like I told Doc, most days it's less about right and wrong, and more about survival. Sweetie, when you come and visit, I'll take you to Boomerangs - most excellent food and the biggest steaks I've ever seen!

Betty - I was awakened yesterday morning by the beautiful 7-voice chorus that is hubby and kids. Last night, we were so tired (and old) that we were in bed, snoring, by 10:30. We'll have our 5-day "date" in June. It's our annual Christmas present from my parents. They watch the kids for 5-7 days and give us money to sneak away. By July, we're counting down the days until June again

Does anyone know if Blessed had her baby yet? I asked hubby when we could have another one. He got a really horrified look on his face then started laughing. I gave him that "look" and he felt bad - thought I was kidding. Then he suggested we go looking for bunkbeds.

Once again I find myself feeling like I have to get up early. I don't know why that is. I didn't shut off my light until way after midnight.

Cin, probably you're being diabetic at such a young age saved you from a lot of things, I don't know. My parents didn't use drugs. A guy I was seeing when I was 14-15 kind of got me started. When I was growing up, my mum was very religious and I lived in a "cage" of sorts. Very protected and all. So, when I first tried marijuana, I thought I was in heaven. Then when cocaine was added to the mix, I was in paradise. I used to be a speed demon; I liked to move very fast. Even after I quit using cola and speed, I still moved fast. I was addicted to the whole drug scene. The raunchier, the better. Yes, everyone does have their vices. I raise no objection to someone's drug addiction/alcoholism. As long as one involves only oneself. But, alas, the real drug addicts I knew (and know from NA) always involve other people-stealing, lying, conning, abuse of others (physical, mental) etc. Myself included on some of those. I'm talking about real drug addiction here. The kind where someone has to steal to support the habit, know what I mean? That's where the objections come in. But as far as what someone does to their own self, whatever. I think it's someone's right to do what they want to their own body. And I've known people who only do cocaine on New Year's Eve and the rest of the time leave it alone. Me, I can't do that. And today, my life isn't what I would call a "perfect" life, but it sure is a hell of a lot better than what it used to be.

Queen, when I was on Trazadone I was on 100 mgs of it. I'm glad that it helps you sleep well though. My bff has been on Depo for years. She loves it. I know it's progesterone and I was on the pill form of that for about 8 or 9 years. And that stopped my periods, so I look forward to another hiatus from the dreaded bleeding.

Well, today I've got to start studying for that exam. And I have to do a paper for my Ethics class, and some reading. I hope I can get motivated to do all that. Other than that, it's supposed to be sunny here today and I'm really looking forward to that. The constant greyness leaves me with a bitter taste. My soul needs some light once in awhile. Have a good one ladies-

Mum, I see you posted when I went to post. Sweetie, Queen isn't the one going to meetings; it's me. That's alright; I know it's early.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

I am debating on what to do today. Iceman wanted me to come over tonight to watch the Superbowl, but I have my new job to commute to, in the rain, tomorrow. So maybe watch half of the Superbowl? Iceman's place is about a half hour drive. I don't know, I keep trying to plan everything so that I will have a restful sleep tonight. Usually if I sit around all day, I can't sleep at night, so maybe I will go to his place. Cheech would like the ride, too!

Do you GFs ever find your self making plans to do things and then start justifying why you don't need to do them, esp because you're too tired? BT, I think you brought this up a couple of weeks ago. Here I am, planning on finding some jeans I like, searching the web for which dept stores have them, cause Kohls was out of my size yesterday. Also, I was checking to see when the carwash opened, I wanted to get the inside of my Liberty cleaned since I will be sitting in it forever during my commute now.

Here it is ten minutes later and I don't feel like doing anything, saving my money would be better, not getting out of the house. I don't know. Sometimes its just too much of a pain in the ass and too exhausting to even do the simplest things. Sigh.

One step at a time. Maybe I'll just go clean out the back seat of my Liberty, that's a start. LOL Hell, its only parked right out front.

Good Morning Ladies! Well it is raining here again and I am so over it! Although I would rather it rained on the weekend then during the week. I have some work to get to today but I really don't want to do anything. I totally know what you're talking about Cindy. Yesterday I did not even leave the house. I did catch up on my Math grades and planed part of my week so it's not like I didn't do anything right? LOL! Today I have to go to the market, do laundry, and finish my lesson planning and grading. YUCK.

I told myself yesterday that I absolutely have to start a diet today. I have put on about 40lbs since July. When I was sick I lost too much weight. I mean I looked like a skeleton. I was so thin my period stopped. Once I got my appetite back there was not stopping me and now I weigh more than I ever have and cannot stand myself. OK I am not going to go there because I keep getting depressed about it. My dad did get my sister and I a gym membership and I just have to get motivated to go consistently. I originally planned to go after work but I just get it in my head that I don't want to, but not anymore...I am going to do it!

Do you GFs ever find your self making plans to do things and then start justifying why you don't need to do them, esp because you're too tired? BT, I think you brought this up a couple of weeks ago.

Oh yes, I do it all the time. And the thing is, I believe that my justifications make all the sense in the world. For instance, today I was going to study for the exam, read my ethics book and write my paper. NOW, I am going to study for the exam, read 1/2 of the chapter in the ethics book, read the other 1/2 tomorrow and then do the paper. My reasoning? That is just too much to cram into one day. And it makes sense to me. But in actuality, it's justification pure and simple. Sometimes I can make myself do things by thinking about how much better I'll feel once something is done. Of course I can argue that away also. Justification, rationalization, honey I'm the queen. In the end, everything works out. I think, however, that that is divine intervention; because if it were left totally up to me, oh hell, we won't even go there.

Viv, sorry to hear it's still raining. It never did get sunny here. And I get so unmotivated when it's grey for days on end. What's a girl to do?

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

It's so nice to read this thread now. Im glad minismom joined us, and when you have time please tell more about your life, the kids, etc. It sounds very cool and I am fascinated by your family situation. I know it's no Brady Bunch, you have so much on your hands. Id love to hear how you manage. BTW I am sure someone pointed it out to you, but just in case, the previous edition of POZ magazine featured 3 poz kids from 1 family, I think you can still get it online if you go to their main site.

Cindy Im just like you & Viv, if I go thru with 1/2 my plans, Im happy. GOOD LUCK tomorrow! Its so natural to be stressed, but in a couple days you'll ease into it. what time do you have to be in? I hope you negotiated hours that will keep you away from the heavy traffic. You don't need new jeans, you're good as you are.

Queen, I don't use the Dark n Lovely perm, just their conditioner. My hair's kinda course, and Dutch people's hair is so fine, that even their dry&damaged formulas do nothing for me. israeli hair products are stronger. I've had my hair straightened in the past, one time it took 8 hours in 2 sittings by a hairdresser.

I read your blog entry, it's very well written. No wonder you were depressed. Sometimes it's the natural reaction. I am not sure you need antdepressants to be honest, I think when things get tough some people get depressed, and if they were easier they wouldn't be. It's enough that your case manager was more receptive to pick you up when things get tough. Unfortunately she wasn't. But I think if you look around you will be able to find a supportive mini-community for yourself. I really do. Call me an optimistic fool.

Betty, I know how it is with the grayness... but generally, i dont think the weather here's as harsh as in the US. I put a radiator in the room now so it's better, we dont have central heating, something which, if I stay in North Europe, will definately be a feature in my next place!

Everything's OK here, I am working on the next edition of the international carnival of positivities (ICP) which I'm supposed to host in my blog. I ahven't written there for ages, but this was a good opportunity to come back and see how much I've written in the past. I have tons of my boring-ass work, but it's nice to do something completely unrelated. even if my arms could use a break. hey, from Thus night I'll be on a 2 week break, as I am going home.

The only thing, some bad news. A friend of mine who is poz for many years, has become resistant to everything. Her only hope is the new integrase inhibitors that just came out in the US 6 months or so ago, but they aren't here yet, though her docs are making a big effort to get them for her. She had a resistance test just a couple months back and she was fine, not resistant to anything, now resistant to everything. She's been having unprotected sex with her new poz BF, he has a very high VL and several resistancies (but not to everything). I don't know if this is what caused it, the doctors say it seems likely, but they don't know for sure, as the idea of a "super strain" has not been proved. This has been on my mind since last night when i heard it. She had so many plans, I think she still has them, but it's a devastating blow. There is more to this story than I can write here, I don't want to start identifying her.

Maybe it just happened, without any connection to him, but then how would she go from no resistence to resistence to drugs that she has never even taken (like PIs). Very strange.

Viv, today was the first time in ages that I again enjoyed the gym. I came in at 16.00 and they close at 17.00 on Sun. I think that was the key. knowing there was a time limit and not an endless "to do" list on the different machines made me much more focused. Maybe you should limit yourself to 1 hour, I'm going to try to do that and see if it works. I put on lots of weight too, I lost tons after diagnosis, though not as bad as you describe, not reallu underweight in my case, and put them back on, with a vengence.

I hope it's all good with everyone. Stay warm. Hugs,

« Last Edit: February 03, 2008, 12:12:50 PM by Dragonette »

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"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Well, I went out and did what I had to. I got the Liberty washed inside and out for the first time in a year, so it looks like someone pimped my ride, lol. I also went to Sears of all places to look for these Levis I happened upon in Kohls yesterday. I haven't worn Levis since 1980 in 6th grade when I started getting hips!

For everyone with a BELLY, and that makes most of us, looking at our ages and meds , try the Levis 512 Bootcut jeans. OMG they are "Slim" fit and I never thought that was what I needed. But with chicken legs I have been wearing what looks like parachute pants for jeans. These jeans have a tummy slimming something or other in the fabric and they hold you in! My problem has been wearing size 12 jeans to fit my gut and then they flap around my thighs and even my hips, way too baggy. These 512's are snug with spandex all the way down, so it doesn't look like you have a load in your pants, esp if you've lost your butt to lipo like I have.

I am so glad I got these jeans, never thought I would be wearing Levis, but hey, unless someone is looking at my ass and sees what brand I am wearing, big whoop-de-doo, right? LOL

OK, so now I have to shower, do the "real" version of my taxes to put in the mail and get Cheech and I over to Iceman's. I didn't want to go, but being out will help me sleep better tonight. And yes, Drag, I can arrive to work anytime between 730am and 900am. The flexible scheduling is THE ONLY reason I took this job. My new boss even said to wait until later to leave my house and miss all of the early traffic. It backs up around here as early as 6am or 630am or so. No need to get up at 5am just to sit in traffic.

Drag, I'm sorry to hear about your friend's resistance. So many new things are coming down the pipeline, tell her to protect herself and hang in there. She has a chance, really, she does, if she's proactive.

Oh and its going to be 65 degrees here on Tuesday? What gives?

I'm supposed to go for another 3-month follow-up Pap this Thursday and I just got my period this morning. That's mainly why I am so tired and don't feel like moving, but I am glad I got out. I have to get used to the rat-race of commuting around here again, and a Sunday is a good way to start. Only problem is, there are so many rude and/or stupid people on the road. This woman (who was in front of me at the car wash today) went to switch lanes once we left and almost hit a guy on a motorcycle. We were doing about 40mph and he was alert thank goodness, but I honked at her as I passed her, the stupid bitch.

We need to renew our licenses every ten years I say, and then once you hit 60, every 5 years. Its ridiculous.

I still haven't gotten around to finishing my hair yet. I know exactly what you mean, Cindy. I have been making excuses about getting it done. Like, hell, I have been braiding this all week, I can take a break for a day or I will finish it on Sunday, I'll have all day since I will be watching the Super Bowl... I will get to it in a few. Now about those jeans. They sound nice but can they hold all this junk in my trunk? I don't want to look like a I have a bubble butt. How much do they run? Maybe I will see about getting me a few pair. Do they have them in black?

Mom-- Betty cleared it up but I don't go to meetings. I only attended 2 and it was enough to stop me from doing what I was doing back then. I really didn't care for them much either but I know they do help others. It helped my Dad to stop drinking. Before he died, he hadn't had a drink in 30 something years but he smoked weed. I think the meetings are good to help stop whatever it is that brought you there. I am a bit confused on something though. You have a hubby but you went out on a date with another man? I think I missed something somewhere.

Dragonette---- Normally, I would agree with you about taking anti depressants but I think the reason I am staying on them for now is because I have heard something in Atripla can cause depression. I think that is what happened to me. I think the Celexa is helping to balance it out because I really don't want to stop taking the Atripla because it is working so well for me. I will be discussing this with my doctor on Wednesday when I see him. Thanks for the comments about my blog. The response I have gotten since doing it still amazes me.

I am off to browse the forums and play my game for a few before I get started on my hair again. I will check back in later.

Queen~ Yes, they have the jeans in black, they cost a lot and weren't on sale anywhere. They are $35 but they feel so good! As far as your junk, not sure, lol. I figure if you have junk and I have a belly, then we are already buying our jeans larger to get them UP, and then the pants legs are flapping in the breeze. These are more snug with spandex through the thigh. Just make sure you look for the 512, not any other number!

Mum went on a "DATE" with her husband. I was confused at first, too, but then realized she had put the word in quotes, lol.

The guy that lives next door is a Giants fan. He has all of his buddies over, they are throwing a football in the street and video taping each other. Its going to be a kegger next door tonight, so I am glad I am going to Iceman's for a bit. Its loud there on a regular football night, nevermind that his team is going to the Super Bowl.

I'm so sorry, ladies, about the confusion. I went on a date with my hubby. He arranged for my parents to come over for cake and then stay with the kids so we could go out to dinner. My parents are the only ones we leave the kids with. There's just a whole host of dynamics to our little family - with 5 special needs kids, some med. dependent. I just don't trust a "babysitter".

Good grief, sorry Betty and Queen about the mix-up. Just stick Betty in place of Queen and my statements still hold true I just figured out that I can scroll down and read other responses..lol..I'll get this figured out yet.

Dragon: Here's my life in a nutshell. I've been married for almost 15yrs (in June). We have 6 children: 3 boys, 3 girls (all in only 6yrs, 9mths). 5 of our children are adopted. When our 4th was 6wks old, I found out I was 5wks pregnant with #5. When #5 was 11 1/2mths old, we adopted #6. Mini is #3 and our oldest daughter. She'll be 8yrs old the end of August. She contracted HIV in utero when her bio-lady refused to take any medication even after being told that it would save the baby. Hubby and I had her tested on her 6wk birthday and got the call on her 8wk birthday. Including Mini, 5 of our children have speical needs, which include: FASD, Asperger Syndrom (autism), Mental retardation (not Down's), OCD, GAD (anxiety disorder), dyslexia,dysgraphia, apraxia (oral and motor), CP, diabetes, hearing deficeits, vision issues, depeleted barrier cells (skin), and loads of learning disabilities. The children are all homeschooled. Hubby and I own a business that is worked mainly from our home. Therefore, we are together nearly 24/7.

Queen: Hubby's entire family go to AA meeting every night. All his brothers (4 of them) and his father are recovering alcoholics, drug addicts, and heavy gamblers. It was rough growing up. By the time I came into the picture, there were only 2 brothers who were still dealing with issues. I saw fist hand the stealing, lying, and cheating that went on. One brother would get their young daughter involved in stealing money and credit cards from her mom. It was sad to see.

Cindy: I LOATHE football. For a very long time we didn't have a TV. We got one Aug. of 2006 because hubby said he was tired of missing football. I'm just glad after tonight it'll all be over for a few months. We live in the middle of nowhere so if someone is having a super bowl party, we have no idea . Your new job sounds like a dream, Cindy! How many hours a week will you have to work? How is Cheech going to take you being gone during the day?

I do believe in a "super strain" of HIV. When Mini tested HIV+, I assumed it would be a "baby" virus (new) because she was born with it. Her doc thought so, too, but her VL wouldn't go down under 2mil. She was on several combos before her genotyping was done. She has a lot of resistence. Her doc said that it can only be concluded that the lady would take meds, stop, her virus would mutate, she'd take more meds, stop, and on and on. Doc said that Mini had been passed a "mega virus". Maybe that's what happened to your friend. I don't know, but it does make sense to me. I'm very sorry that she's having such a hard time. I really do hope the doctors can get her the new med.

Ok, ladies, I'm off to read my book and do everything in my power NOT to hear the football game.

Drag, I'm really sorry for your friend. I really don't know any of the medical facts about the "super-virus." I hope she can hang in there and that maybe some of the newer meds can help her. It's so hard to see a good friend struggle. I don't know how you take a shower in a freezing cold room. *shivers*

Cin, it's so hard to get motivated during the cycling time. Kudos for getting your jeep cleaned out. About the Levis, I wear Levis. They're a good jean brand. But, I probably won't be getting the 512 until a pair hits the Goodwill. I don't remember the time I paid more than $5.00 for a "new" pair of jeans. Really not doable living on disability. I'm glad you like them, though. We all need to treat ourselves once in awhile.

Mum, wow, what a brood. I don't know how you keep up with it all.

Tonight I'm feeling really, really tired. I studied for the upcoming test, read a chapter in my social psych book, and read 1/2 the chapter of the required reading in my ethics book. Tomorrow (or the next day) I'll read the other 1/2 and formulate how I'm going to write the paper that's due Thursday. It's going to be on capital punishment. Other than that, nothing exciting going on. I really don't get into football either, mum, so it's not on at my house. Have a good night ladies-

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

*Jumping up and down and screaming*... It looks like the Giants may actually pull off this win and it will be a helluva an upset for the Patriots who were undefeated all season. There is 29 seconds left in the game and I think the Patriots still have 3 timeouts. I can say that the Super Bowl was actually pretty good considering my team isn't in it. I got bored with half-time but the commercials were cute. It's after 10 and I am still not done with my hair. It's gonna be a late night...*sighs* But I don't have that much left to do. After I am done here, I will get back to it. Well, the Giants won it!!!! I think a lot of people lost some money on this game.

Mom--- It certainly seems like you have your hands full with the kids. I am glad Cindy straightened things out cause I thought you cheating on your hubby. I guess I watch too many soaps... I think it great that you and your hubby adopted so many kids, you will be blessed for that if you haven't been receiving blessings already.

You GFs crack me up, thanks for making me laugh. It was Mum's BDAY on Saturday when she and Hubby went on their "date." (Did I ever mention I'm a numbers girl?)

Queen, I can't tell if you were happy or pissed about the Giants winning. I am hoping that since you and I are in the same division, you didn't want the Giants to win! Queen likes Dallas, I am a Redskins fan. Mum, I actually like football, and was yelling "Go Pats" and clapping during the game! LOL I also got "Most School Spirit" in high school, and it sure has stayed with me!

BT, my Liberty smells like "Wild Cherry" so its aromatherapy, too! LOL Keep plugging along with your reading, I know its tough to do and not get distracted.

Mum, what is FASD? I am thinking frustration-aggression something or other? I was a PSYC major in college. You have THE biggest heart to take all of those children in! Wow!

OK, time to go to bed and hope that my mind doesn't race, getting ready for the big day tomorrow. It sure was nice seeing Iceman tonight, just sitting on the couch and watching the game. He is the greatest guy.