A stork in Germany — a German stork, for any still-living soldiers from the Maginot line keeping score about which European nation is most aggressive — has unleashed a reign of car-pecking terror in the small hamlet of Mecklenburg Western-Pomeranian Bergholz.

The stork has caused thousands of euros in damage to residents’ cars (it’s been estimated that the animal can do about a thousand euros of damage in a single car attack), probably because, according to stork experts, the raptor-descendent thinks its reflection in car windows is a rival bird. Unscientifically, the reason a bird might do this is because birds are stupid. Ornithologist Jens Krüger, however, believes that the frighteningly enormous stork, which is believed to have a nest of at least three baby monsters in the area, is just having its own, private Fight Club identity crisis

Such an explanation, however, has failed to assuage the concerns of locals — the stork is just about tall enough to stare menacingly into a car window. For small children and wary adults, then, the rest of the summer will be spent indoors until migration season, at which time the stork will fly away to some tropical vacation resort and terrorize the concierge.