Sunday, July 15, 2012

As I listen to my older sister saw logs, I am reminded of the best educational tidbits I've received, all from her. Bev and I grew up sharing an attic bedroom; however, I never snapped a picture of the slanted ceiling, yellow walls, green carpet, or gigantic window overlooking our driveway. This is why our childhood room is only in my mind and not on my blog.

Bev was notorious for talking in her sleep, thus giving me a great education and entertainment. While sleeping, she told me about being in the corner with Rusty. Mm hm. My favorite nighttime activity was the time I told her how she didn't like chocolate then listened to vehement sleep cries that she did. Then with further prompting, she begged me for the nonexistent candy bar.

Bev also educated me during our waking hours. Before I entered middle school, she explained the full list of dirty words and what they meant; however, she refused to tell me the meaning of the "f word" because it was just too naughty to explain. I'm still waiting to find out.

To make sure I never rotted out my lungs with a horrid habit, Bev forced an unfiltered cigarette on me in grade school. Yep! It was nasty enough that to this day I am not a smoker.

I am currently in Dayton because her daughter just had a bridal shower. I passed a naughty bit of lingerie to Bev's daughter. This thing was given to me twenty-six years ago by guess who? ... although sister Barb was just as much to blame. I'd go into detail about it, but knowing that my daughters frequent my blog, I best not inform you about that bit of education. I am, however, happy to say that it is no longer mine.

Ahh, education. I bet you thought my post would be all about my teaching job. Psych!

Saturday, January 7, 2012

NEW YORK -- A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.

He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. 'Al-gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.'

They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, 'If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.'

White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.