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3/02/2011

Charlie Sheen: I Wanna Snort Myself! Wouldn't You?

"The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards look like

droopy-eyed, armless children."

Droopy-eyed, sure. Who doesn't understand that? But armless? That's where you lost me.

It's hard to believe this is actually happening. I know ABC must be ecstatic that its 20/20 interview with Charlie Sheen drew the time slot's highest ratings in years. Hopefully, the footage can be used at his commitment hearing and not his funeral coverage.

The man is full tilt bozo, with "tiger blood and Adonis DNA," raising his twins with the help of the porn "goddesses" he now calls his family. Until this morning, that is. Sheen surrendered his sons to the police after a sworn declaration by their mother, Brooke Mueller, that Sheen told her, "I will cut your head off, put it in a box and send it to your mom!" He did say on 20/20 that Mel Gibson had called to lend moral support, although Mel's threat to his baby mama sounds almost courtly in comparison. "I will bury you in the rose garden" has such a sentimental ring to it now.

Unfortunately, Mel may have given Charlie some advice on the "Jewish problem" as well. Sheen derisively referred to his boss Chuck Lorre as Chaim Levine as if he were outing him, although it was not a secret. Charlie's birth name is Carlos Estevez.Who cares? People care because of the way he said it. The fact that a recording exists makes it harder to believe he meant nothing by it.

So does this. Brooke Mueller claimed that Sheen called his manager Mark Berg a "stoopid jew pig" and she submitted a screen grab of it with her sworn statement. Yes, it could have been faked. She also stated that while in the Bahamas last week, he asked her to kick back $20,000 a month in child support so he would have "untraceable cash" to "knock off a few people." She could have been lying.

We know that Mueller has problems of her own: she's in "day treatment" for substance abuse. That's why the twins are now being cared for by her mother. Those poor kids. Nature and nurture haven't done them any favors so far. I can't imagine being Brooke, recovering from the non-stop "seven-gram rock" parties and waking from the nightmare of living with a man who, at his most sedate, would make coffee nervous. I'd do anything to get my kids away from him.

So, yeah, maybe she's lying. But I would argue that the burden of proof resting on her shoulders gets lighter every time her ex opens his crazy mouth.

Try as I might, I just can't seem to use winning in its proper charliesheen context. Every time I write it, it still makes sense. I must persevere because, as a wise man once said, "Can't is the cancer of happen."

mary: At least when Spears melted down, she got treatment for her bipolar disorder. Sheen has cleaned up before but it hasn't stuck. He says he doesn't want meds for mental illness--he says it will make him "like them." I guess they are boring healthy people.

Oh my does he need bi-polar meds!!!! This is tragic and I feel for those kids! Both parents are real winners for sure!!!!And I abhor how TV hosts are using this situation to pile on the ratings. Total whores for sure!!HugsSueAnn

I'm out of the loop. I had no idea about Brooke's problems because I really don't care. If these adults want to make messes of their lives they should willingly hand over the children to someone who can look after them responsibly.

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