Sometimes we are so overwhelmed with all of the pressure (from work, friends, family, school, society) that we forget that the pressure we feel isn't always mandatory. We CAN give ourselves permission to drop the pressure and just BE. I know! This might sound super impossible, but hear me out. What would happen if you responded to the anxiety and pressure and stress with, "I give myself permission to eat whatever I wanted" "I give myself permission to have scary thoughts" (such as intrusive violent, sexual or scrupulous thoughts) "I give myself permission to not only have these scary thoughts but also not solve what they mean about me" "I give myself permission to allow this anxiety to be here" "I give myself permission to be imperfect" "I give myself permission to rest!" "I give myself permission to just be ME" This is some powerful stuff!

Are you tired of feeling like anxiety always has the reins? This tool might be exactly what you are looking for and can be a powerful complement to the work you are already doing with anxiety. The tool is called "Shoulders Back!" and our AMAZING CBT ROCKSTAR guest is Shala Nicely! Shala explains how she came across this tool and how she uses it, both in her own life and with her clients with anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). The reason I LOVE this tool so much is that it is easy, empowering and science-based. Here are the links we discussed! Don't forget to check out Shala and Jeff Bell's E-course to help you with motivation for ERP for OCD. Click here for Shala and Jeff's E-Course Beyond The Doubt. Amy Cuddy Ted Talk talks about using a Power Pose Everyday Mindfulness Book (Written with Jon Hershfield)

Yep, you read it correctly! Today we are talking about Checking Behaviors!

Chances are, you have done these behaviors a million times

They sound like this....“Just to make sure”

“I would prefer to be certain”

“I cant handle my anxiety if I don’t....”

“Terrible things will happen if I don’t.....”

If you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, you might check doors, stove knobs, hair dryers, crock pots (new for those who watched the TV show, This IS us),

For those with Health Anxiety, you might check your ailments, sores, blemishes, degree of pain etc

For those with Perfectionism, you might check emails, texts, phone messages, assignments for school etc

For those with social anxiety, you might check Evite lists on who is going to an event, check your clothing or teeth in the mirror repetitively.

Checking is an attempt to control our surroundings in hopes to avoid possible bad things from happening. We might be avoiding the uncertainty of knowing if we will get sick or not. We might be trying to eliminate entirely the chances of the house burning down or being robbed. Or, we might be trying to eradicate any chance of being seen as anything less than perfect. We might be afraid of embarrassment.

But let's be honest!

The chances are, you are mostly just trying to eradicate THOUGHTS about these events. Or, maybe you are trying to eradicate the presence of anxiety around these topics.

I understand this conundrum. It is not uncommon to want to make sure you aren't going to burn down the house or miss a deadline or leave the door of your house wide open. We all do checking behaviors from time to time.

However, let's be really honest with ourselves. If you find you are doing these activities over and over, chances are that you are mostly in the fight against uncertainty….and let me let you in on a little secret.You won’t will this one.Fighting uncertainty is like trying to get a toddler out the door on time for school. The more you rush it, the longer they take. True story!

Some might say, but when I do it, after some time, I DO find relief. I get it. Some are lucky to find those moments when the anxiety is lifted and you can walk away with a sense of, “Ok. I can move on”

Listen to the episode to learn about how to work on reducing compulsive checking behaviors!

When it comes to anxiety, WE CANNOT CONTINUE WITH THIS. We must change the arm in which we are strongest.

And lets be honest. Uncertainty is all around us. It is something we have to deal with even if few don't have anxiety. It comes in every stage of our lives. Let's work to strengthen our ability to make space for discomfort in our lives.

Well, this week I tell you a story about the most influential moment I have experienced regarding boundary setting. It is one of my favorite stories to tell because it taught me SO MUCH about setting boundaries and helped me see that some of the beliefs I had around setting boundaries were ENTIRELY wrong! During this podcast, we discuss FOUR steps to Boundary Setting and discuss how this can help us manage anxiety, resentment, and anger. I hope you enjoy the story as much I as enjoy telling it! Forward we go, Kimberley