The thoughts and perceptions of an aspiring writer on life and the world around her

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “Hector”

While Hector is a nice guy, he doesn’t exactly fit in V.F.D. like the Baudelaires. And he’s the only one who truly appreciates their company as well as willing to have anything to do with them. He doesn’t like many of the village’s rules such as those against mechanical devices, not harming crows, books breaking rules, and recreational biting. And he doesn’t like their form of punishments either like burning at the stake. However, Hector also has a self-sustaining hot air mobile home in his barn he’s working on to Violet’s delight. In addition, he keeps a secret library with banned books that has shelves to the roof. One day, Hector plans to unleash his hot air mobile home and leave V.F.D. and society forever. But for now, he and the Baudelaires are stuck doing the town’s chores as the residents don’t appear pleasant or polite.

Here for Hector, I chose “Belle” from Beauty and the Beast. In the original version, Belle is introduced as walking through the village with her nose stuck in a book. Yet, it’s clear that the town doesn’t really understand her or shares her interests. So it’s no wonder that Belle longs for more than a provincial life. Though you can say the same about Hector. In this version, I have Hector introduce the Baudelaires to their first day doing chores for V.F.D.

“Hector”

Hector:
V.F.D.
Such an awful village
Ev’ry day
Like the one before
V.F.D.
Full of little people
Coming down to say:

V.F.D. Residents:
Bonjour!
Bonjour!
Bonjour! Bonjour! Bonjour!

Hector:
There goes the baker with his tray, like always
The same old bread and rolls to sell
Ev’ry morning just the same
Since the morning that I came
To this poor provincial town

Baker:
Good morning, Hector!

Hector:
Good morning, Monsieur.
Need anything done today?

Baker:
How about you and the Baudelaires load some bread into
My cart and feed my horses.

Hector: That’s nice. Baudelaires! The baguettes!
Hurry up!

V.F.D. Residents:
Look there he goes that man is strange, no question
Dazed and distracted, can’t you tell?

Woman:
Never part of any crowd

Man:
‘Cause his head’s up on some cloud

V.F.D. Residents:
No denying she’s a funny man, Hector

Man I:
Bonjour!

Woman I:
Good day!

Man I:
How is your fam’ly?

Woman 2:
Bonjour!

Man 2:
Good day!

Woman 2:
How is your wife?

Woman 3:
I need six eggs!

Woman 4:
That’s too expensive!

Hector:
There must be more than this provincial life!

Hardware Storekeeper:
Ah, Hector.

Hector:
Good day, sir. I’ve come to ask for some tools and supplies.

Hardware Storekeeper:
Replacements already?

Hector:
Well, I have some orphans under my care. You know the Baudelaires?

Hardware Storekeeper:
Came here yesterday.

Hector:
Yes, sir. Need anything done?

Hardware Storekeeper:
Well, I can use someone in the yard!

Hector:
Okay, Baudelaires, let’s go to and work
Mr. Woolworth’s yard! It’s within the next
Few blocks. You can’t miss it. I swear.

Hardware Storekeeper:
Here are the tools. That’ll be $50.

Hector:
All right.

Hardware Storekeeper:
Thank you.

Hector:
You’re welcome. Call me any time!

V. F. D.:
Look there she goes that man is so peculiar
I wonder if he’s feeling well
With a dreamy, far-off look
And his nights up in the barn
What a puzzle to the rest of us is Hector

Hector:
Oh, isn’t this amazing?
Got to see them fly in to town—you’ll see
There they are on the Fowl Fountain
But it’s not as impressive than at the Nevermore Tree!

Woman:
Now it’s no wonder that he’s quite handy
His skills have got no parallel

Shopkeeper:
But behind that nice façade
I’m afraid he’s rather odd

Man:
Very diff’rent from the rest of us

V.F.D. Residents:
He’s nothing like the rest of us
Yes, diff’rent from the rest of us is Hector!

Hector: Can you tell me a little about yourselves, kids?

Violet: Well, I like to invent things.

Hector: Rule 67 states, “no citizen is allowed to build or use any mechanical devices.” But don’t worry, I’m building something in my barn you might be interested in with stuff I was told to remove from the village. It’s a self-sustaining hot air mobile home.

Violet:
Thanks, Hector.

Klaus:
I like to read books. What does the library have?

Hector: According to Rule 108, “the V.F.D. library cannot contain any books that break any of the other rules.” So stock is limited. But I do have a secret library in my barn where I put all the rule breaking books I was supposed to remove.

Klaus:
What a relief. But your secret is safe with us.

Sunny: Bite!

Hector: Sorry, but “rule 4,561 clearly states that citizens are not allowed to use their mouths for recreation.” If the Council of Elders knew, I can’t imagine what they’d do. I’m sure we can find things to bite but you’ll have to do it in secret.

Sunny: Okay.

Violet:
Right from the moment when we came to live here
We almost thought we would regret
Yet, since you came to us
Told us about your stuff
So perhaps life in V.F.D. will be fine with Hector

Esme (as Officer Luciana):
Look there they go
Within the village
Along the streets
Those Baudelaires
Olaf, my dear
When will you get here?
So we can get all the Baudelaire children’s cash!

Woman 1:
Bonjour!

Esme:
Pardon

Hector:
Good day

Woman 2:
Mais oui!

Woman 3:
You call this bacon?

Woman 4:
What lovely grapes!

Man 1:
Some cheese

Woman 5:
Ten yards!

Man 1:
One pound

Esme:
‘scuse me!

Cheese merchant:
I’ll get the knife

Esme:
Please let me through!

Woman 6:
This bread –

Woman 7:
Those fish –

Woman 6:
it’s stale!

Woman 7:
They smell!

Men:
Madame’s mistaken.

Women:
Well, maybe so

V. F. D. Residents:
Good morning! Oh, good morning!

Hector:
There must be more than this provincial life!

Esme:
Baudelaires might want to prepare for strife!

V.F.D. Residents:
Look there he goes
The man is strange but special
A most peculiar handyman!

Women:
It’s a pity and a sin

Men:
He doesn’t quite fit in

V.F.D. Residents:
‘Cause he really is a funny guy
A handy but a funny guy
He really is a funny guy
Hector!