Pwn My Life: Issue #84

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

We begin this issue with a special message to Jeff B.: You've won the "Pwn My Lifetime Achievement Award," for submitting more entries than anyone else by far. Jeff B. has tried to get into this column 18 times between Sept 16, 2010 and July 3, 2011. While none of his submissions were nerdy enough to be published, his single-minded determination to contribute to an Internet column is notable in itself. Congratulations, Jeff. You've finally made it.

Everybody loves Super Mario Bros. 3. I, however, hold a special place in my heart for it. I was five years old in 1990, when my family purchased the game. Only a few months later, our house burned down. We salvaged what we could. Among the debris we found our blackened, soot-covered copy of SMB3. We didn't think it worked, but we kept it anyway. A few months after that, my mother's coworkers pooled money together and bought my brother and I a new NES. The first thing we did was put in SMB3 and, I'll be damned, it still worked! Every now and then I still play it. It reminds me of my old house, and how my brother and I would play it on Saturday mornings.-Anonymous

My boyfriend and I refer to cuddling as "tetris-ing."-Adam

When I was younger, I couldn't go to sleep if it was silent. My dad would record the audio of himself playing Super Mario Bros. for the NES to a cassette. Then he would play it for me like a lullaby when it was time to go to bed.-Desza Star

I'd be the first to admit I was obsessed with Final Fantasy when I was 13. My friend at the time took it to another level. He had a habit of getting into fights at school, and his FF obsession would spill over. When he was squaring off with another kid, he would bounce around on the spot, just like the idle characters in the game. If that wasn't bad enough, he would also attack with 3-hit combos, including an occasional spin-move. He got beat up every time.-George

I often do spray paintings at public events, or on the boardwalk whenever a cruise ship comes into town, for money. The thing is, I only do spray paint paintings. My girlfriend was confused when she found some small fine-tip brushes in my room. I lied and said they were for some specific textures you can't get with spray paint and signing my name. They're for my D&D figurines.-H

When I started experimenting with drugs as a teenager, I went on ehow.com to learn how to smoke pot.-Anonymous

For our wedding last year, we named the tables on our seating plan after certain levels/locations from our favorite videogames.-Anonymous