Tag Archives: hugo chavez

Some people just don’t handle the stress of commercial air travel well. If you’re an emotionally wrecked drunken racist, you might slap a little baby for crying. If you’re an overstressed pilot, you may start ranting about Afghanistan and Israel. If you’re a rich televangelist, you might avoid it all by getting your flock to buy you a $65 million Gulfstream G650. And if you’re a sociology professor from Penn State, you just might rant about the U.S. declaring war on Venezuela while you light up a cigarette to show you’re into hardcore civil disobedience.
Read more on Lady-Douche Professor Is Your New Revolutionary Thoreau, By Being A Dick On An Airplane…

News from Overseas! Or a really long drive South, at least. The White House is categorically denying that Old Handsome Joe Biden tried to overthrow the government of Venezuela, no matter how many sad breakup songs Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro requests the DJ to play.
Read more on Joe Biden Pretty Sure He’s Not Trying To Become King Of Venezuela…

Ok before we even start: we are not anti-diaper-fetishists, because we are catholic, not Catholic, in our views about how you get your sexytime on. We are, however, anti-diaper-fetishists who are also morality police for other people’s sexytime, so don’t hatetweet us, bro. We give no such caveat re: chickenhawks. Fuck those guys.
Yes, it’s true. In the doubleheader you’ve all been waiting for, David Vitter and Rush Limbaugh have joined forces in a veritable Voltron of dumb to explain why they hate Thomas Perez, the socialist Obummer nominated for Secretary of Labor.
Read more on Diaper Fetishist And Rancid Chickenhawk Boil Unite To Defeat Some Mexican…

Howdy pardner! Don’t know if you done heard, but we got us a see-quester goin’ on, and that means we ain’t got no cashish for thangs like White House Tours. So Pres’dent Bama, he said, well we will stop this here tour from happenin’ until the see-quester is lifted, because a some reason, who knows. But if there is one thing our good ol’ boys will fight to the death for, remember the Alamo, it is that their constituents not get all p-o-ed bout goin’ all the way to Washinton and then not gettin’ to see Nancy Reagan’s chiner. So Texas Republican Louie Gohmert, who definitely ain’t no idiot, introduced an amendment to the continuing resolution (budget stuff) sayin’ that as long as there weren’t no White House tours, Ol’ Pres’dent Hippity-Hop couldn’t use no taxpayer money to play him no golf. This brings up some innerestin consti-tu-tional questions: Like, if the House can decide Pres’dent Blacky there cain’t use his plane to go play golf, does that mean they can also decide he cain’t use his plane to go give speeches ifn it’s a topic they don’t like? Ifn there’s a golf course near that ol White House, does that mean he cain’t use his car? Can good ol Louie Gohmert decide Pres’dent Hugo Chavez cain’t use no Secret Service protection ifn he wants to take a walk? Can we decide just to lock ol Pres’dent Stalin in the White House forever? Sure, why not, don’t see no harm in it. Read more on Very Not-Dumb Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert Introduces Bill To Place Obama Under House Arrest…

The New York Times reports that Fidel Castro is still alive, and will outlive every other current and former “presidente” on the planet. Read more on Breaking News Drudge Siren Red Alert And Such: Fidel Castro Still Not Dead…

In case you ever wonder to yourself, as a dark thought experiment, what it sounds like when someone as profoundly paranoid and insane as Michele Bachmann actually ends up as a head of state, you get hilarious newz reports about your president like this one:
Read more on Hugo Chavez Demands to Know If United States Gave Him Cancer…

Per the latest batch of WikiLeaks, a cable from Caracas, Venezuela was sent to Washington in January entitled “Making Socialism Easier to Swallow.” WHY WAS THIS SENT? OUR TAX DOLLARS ARE BEING SPENT STUDYING SOCIALISM TO PICK UP TIPS ON HOW TO DO IT. Obviously, as this was sent to Hillary Clinton, or “RUEHC/SECSTATE WASHDC 0292,” it’s part of a secret flow of information to the committee to re-elect Barack Obama. It has seemed so obvious to all of America, which hates socialism and its evil methods of taking away everyone’s Medicare, that Obama will be repudiated in 2012 for sentencing our dear philosopher, Capitalism, to drink hemlock. But what if he has discovered a method in the jungles of South (Fake) America to make voters like socialism? This proves Obama is morally weak. Read more on WikiLeaks: ‘Making Socialism Easier To Swallow’ To Win Obama 2nd Term…

Venezuela is a socialist paradise where the red-shirted workers gather each night to enjoy cocktails and music with their host/leader, Hugo Chavez. On Wednesday night, in celebration of “Hump Day” and how much he dislikes the evil imperialist Hillary Clinton, Hugo just cold made up a song and sang it, and here it is. [Mediaite/BBC News]
Read more on Hugo Chavez Sings To Hillary Clinton…

Matt Yglesias is reaping the many benefits of “blogging whilst standing” — a yoga position championed by Donald Rumsfeld. [Matt Yglesias]
A squadron of Eliot Ness Zombies raided a bar in Philly and confiscated a bunch of microbrew IPAs and a keg of Miller Genuine Draft Light 64. [Hit & Run]
Read more on Fox News Smells A Stinky Oil Conspiracy…

JIM DEMINT IS THE REAL MISS SOUTH CAROLINA: South Carolina Senator Jim DeMint has written a new book about Hitler/Obama and the Iran and, uh, the South American countries and like such as: “Part of what we’re trying to do in ‘Saving Freedom’ is just show that where we are, we’re about where Germany was before World War II where they became a social democracy. You still had votes but the votes were just power grabs like you see in Iran, and other places in South America, like Chavez is running down in Venezuela.” Hmm, we’ll wait for this one to come out on DVD. [Washington Independent via Washington Monthly]
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Barack Obama and Bundesrepublik Deutschland Wurstdame Angela Merkel had an awkward relationship in the ’80s, but now they are willing to put the past behind them and cut a deal. Prediction: Merkel gets AIG and Obama gets to massage Merkel’s muscular shoulders. It is peace for our time. [HuffPost]
Read more on Meet Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Guest Editor of RedState…

Here’s some terrifying news: While the U.S. media was focused on the very important subject of some fat wingnuts having teabagging protests in America, President Barack Obama was headed to Mexico — and on the night of April 16, he attended a fancy dinner at Mexico City’s famous Museo Nacional de Antropología, where noted archeologist and museum director Felipe Solís Olguín showed the U.S. president around, and they presumably shook hands and talked, without the protection of surgical masks. A few days later, Solís was dead of pneumonia. Read more on Mexican Archeology Museum Director Killed by Pneumonia Entertained Obama At Same Museum…

There’s a lovely amount of right-wing hysteria on the Internets today regarding this weekend’s news that Barack Obama shook Hugo Chavez’s hand and talked to him for a bit at their little Mexican summit last week. This proved again that Barack Obama has no idea what kind of a person Hugo Chavez is; he has just thrown away the entirety of American power. He is Jimmy Carter with a juicebox. Well! Enjoy this Fox News clip, where Col. Ralph Peters describes “all” of the “embracing and fist-bumping and making lovey-dovey in the hotel and god-knows-what-else behind closed doors” fantasy sex. [YouTube]
Read more on Fox Analyst Wonders, Did Obama And Chavez Do *More* Insane Gay Things Off-Camera?…

Libtards are giggling like rich schoolgirls on acid over this one. Along the lines of, JOHN MCCAIN DOES NOT KNOW THAT VENEZUELA ISN’T IN THE MIDDLE EAST! Can you even believe it oh my god blah blah blah. Whatever. They can enjoy getting ulcers over John McCain’s poor choice of conjunctions or adjectives such as “other.” [Ben Smith]
Read more on Whoa Hey John McCain Half-Misspeaks Whoa Hey…

Here is the Absolut vodka ad that is Controversial for appealing to Mexicans, who want to take back the western United States (officially) in their perfect world. Well boo hoo. Look at the upside: Absolut also wants to squash Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez while simultaneously bottle-fucking Puerto Rico. [LA Times]
Read more on Vodka Ad Reveals Illegal Immigrants’ Master Plan…