DC United's Luciano Emilio Gonzalo Martinez took this laser from David Beckham directly to the groin during the second minute of yesterday's game at RFK, leaving the forward writhing on the pitch while Becks chuckled about destroying another man's genitalia. Which, when you think about it, is the only appropriate reaction.

[Update: basically, the rest of this post no longer makes sense.] However, the DC trainers must have poured some magic water down Emilio's shorts, because he stayed in the game to register two goals and an assist in United's 4-1 win over the Galaxy. Pretty impressive. I took a point-blank shot to the groin once while I was playing goalkeeper in an intramural league. Not only did I leave the game, I didn't even take a deep breath for the next week. I also cried myself to sleep that night. But, to be fair, that was more because I rented Finding Nemo.

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That's not Emilio. It's Gonzalo Martinez. Even the MLS announcers know jack shit about the league.

06.30.08 at 11:49 am

swanychitown

I'm no professional video finder, so I challenge someone to find the video of the Euro final yesterday where the Spanish player who's name I don't remember; followed through on a long kick and a German player who was running at the ball at full speed ran right into the kick follow-thru squaw to the nutes? One of the most fantastic nutshots of all-time I shit you not.

06.30.08 at 11:59 am

DrunkenEaglesFan

See, this is why you have to tuck your stuff in, Silence Of The Lambs style before you plan on doing anything outside of the confines of your home / skin mask factory……

06.30.08 at 12:09 pm

Enrico Pallazzo

I haven’t seen a guy take a shot like that since, well, RFK.

06.30.08 at 12:13 pm

Shan

@Enrico

Hillary Clinton approves.

06.30.08 at 12:25 pm

rv

on a completely unrelated note, i went to the tigers game on friday to watch them bitchslap the colorado rockies. some loudmouth skank who wouldnt shut up kept yapping and yapping. i was forced to politely ask her to shut her fucking ballwasher while the rest of the section watched the game.

she left after that.

06.30.08 at 12:31 pm

Tim

You know how I found out about the Galaxy 4-1 loss here in LA? By reading the photo caption under the picture of the game action on the second to last page of the LA Times sports section! Beckham Mania is out of control!