Tag: shantel vansaten

In honor of the final episodes of one of the most drama filled teen dramas, One Tree Hill, this will be one of the many OTH-themed posts dedicated to saying goodbye. And I’m kicking it off with things that only find in the ever zany town of Tree Hill, North Carolina:

Only in Tree Hill (and NOT Lima, Ohio) will a marriage between two sixteen year olds not only work, but yield two children and still come out hella strong.

Only in Tree Hill is it completely plausible that in a small core group of five friends, one person became the writer of two national bestsellers, one played for the NBA, one started their own successful record label…from scratch, one is a recognized musician and has toured the country twice, and one started their own couture fashion line that became a national conglomerate.

Only in Tree Hill will parents disappear while their kids are still in high school to:

Travel RV style across America

Transfer for a job in California and leave their daughter in the very capable hands of a family/friend who is there 50 percent of the time

Flee town out of embarrassment

Attend therapy/rehab

Only in Tree Hill will you find the highest car crash per person ratio than any city in the United States.

Only in Tree Hill, will a medic trip and fall, causing the transplant heart he was carrying to somehow fly out of the icebox and straight into the waiting mouth of a seeing-eye-dog.

Only in Tree Hill does Peyton Sawyer end up with Lucas Scott over Brooke Davis.

Only in Tree Hill will big name artists like Jimmy Eat World and Angels and Airwaves make the time to perform at a summer kick-off party or high school prom. And Sheryl Crow will agree to play one song per cup of coffee at a local café.

Only in Tree Hill sappy speeches in the rain fix all relationship problems.

Only in Tree Hill will you find a Derek (a psycho fake brother), Carrie (a psycho kidnapping nanny and would-be adulterer), Katie (a psycho jealous identity thief) and Xavier (a psycho with an anger management problem who has also made, “Have a nice night” the creepiest catchphrase in television). All four of which targeted the same group of friends.

Only in Tree Hill will you find Dan Scott, aka Mr. Indestructible. Dan Scott was clearly hit by the electrical storm a la Misfits and became immortal like Nathan Young. That dude should have died at least twice by now and he’s still alive and kickin’ and kickin’ other peoples’ asses no less.

Only in Tree Hill, will a Mouth McFadden get inordinate amounts of booty.

As a once avid fan of One Tree Hill, it pains me to say that the show has truly overstayed its welcome. If I had it my way, the show would have ended at season four and went out on a high note. Granted, seasons five and six weren’t necessarily god-awful, but I think OTH fans can agree that the show lost much of its spark. One Tree Hill has garnered some of the lowest ratings of all major networks and has been used as a punch line for its immortality. There are obviously more, but here are my top five times when OTH jumped the shark…

5. 1940s flashback (6.11 We Three (My Echo, My Shadow and Me)

This episode had no point, unless you count letting CMM write an episode. And it was bad. Really bad. The only way the episode could have been salvaged was to let Peyton actually die at the end. But of course, it was only just a dream. Rats.

4. Kevin Federline guest stars (season 5)

Why, Mark Schwahn, why?! There are countless other talented, bad ass rock stars who could have made a guest appearance. Britney’s hard core ex, K Fed, should not be included amongst them.

3. Deb & Skills / Dan & Rachel (season 5-6)

The older Scotts got some action with their sons’ classmates, Skills & Rachel. Deb & Skills were somewhat tolerable, but Dan & Rachel were disgusting. Sure, it made for some good laughs, but seeing Dan kissing Rachel is something I want to permanently erase from my memory.

2. Nanny Carrie & Psycho Katie (seasons 5-7)

Exactly how many demented psychopaths live in Tree Hill?! Apparently each canon couple on OTH needs a psycho-subplot: Peyton & Lucas had Psycho Derek; Nathan & Haley had Nanny Carrie; Brooke & Julian had the guy who kidnapped Sam and robbed Brooke; Clay & Quinn had Psycho Katie. I was fine with the Psycho Derek story line, more because it freaked me out more than anything. Nanny Carrie got a little ridiculous but the addition of Katie is just too much.

1. Dog Eats Dan’s New Heart (6.18 Searching for a Former Clarity)

Dan is smugly chilling in the hospital waiting room for his heart transplant. The guy with the heart trips over the dog’s leash and the ticker goes flying. And then the whole room watches in horror as the dog slurps down the core of the human body. The first time I saw this I laughed. Then I felt horrible. Then I felt disgusted. Finally I settled on feeling immense pity for the writers who put together that crap. If this isn’t a ‘jump the shark’ moment, I don’t know what is.