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Funny satire stories about Language

The greeting "you alright?" has officially been made an illegal response to "you alright?"
The response, which has been widely accepted by morons across the country for decades, has now been made an illegal response because it makes no sense due...

The word sorry has become the first word to be removed from the English Oxford Dictionary because it has lost all of its meaning.
With politicians, pupils, and perverted next-door neighbours using that word all too often, that word has now been t...

It is usually the first thing we learn as infants about written communications: the letters A, B and C. In fact we refer to the entire alphabet as "the ABCs." And all because of that song. A must-learn for every toddler. I of course can't write the melody here, but we all know how it goes: "A B C D E F G.... H I J K LMNOP... Q R S... T U V... W.. X... Y and Z. Now I know my ABCs, next time won't...

MIRANDELA, Portugal - The Portuguese Children's Agency of Mirandela has just discovered what it is calling the most amazing 3-year-old in the world.
Enrique Portello with the PCA stated that the young boy is named Alfredo Bernardo Zeferino and he...

Tiddles lies shivering in front of the fire, swathed in bandages and looking at me accusingly while I await the knock on the door. The vet said he was calling the RSPCA after what I had done and those interfering busybodies will be here soon. It was all in the name of a good cause, I tell Tiddles, but he still looks at me in that way and refuses to purr. What is his problem?
Our verdict: I...

NEW YORK CITY - National Focus Magazine is reporting that Edward Snowden has suddenly become one of the most popular non-Russian individuals in the entire country of Russia.
Snowden, who is the star of the notorious NSA Scandal, spoke with a repor...

CHICAGO - There is some ill-winds blowing in the Windy City and a lot of it is swirling around baseball's U.S. Cellular Field, home of the south side boys, The Chicago White Sox.
According to a story which appeared in The Turnstile Review written...

Luci Tung, Phd. in Linguistic Research at Babel University, has recently released her groundbreaking study of the increase in disparity of the meaning of common English words as used by members of the U.S. Congress.
She begins by showing how cultu...

President Obama, today, during an unscheduled press conference he called, pre-empting the Drew Carey show, The Price is Right, indicated that he is presenting to Congress, a list of words which he wants stricken from the English language. the first o...

COLUMBIA, South Carolina - American Spotlight Magazine has just learned that the state of South Carolina has just passed an amendment regarding the North Korean language.
Cutter Shiloh with ASM stated that he was informed about the change by an ex...

The world of literature has been stunned by allegations that massive numbers of words have simply gone missing from the English language.
'In the 1960s we believe there to have been at least one million English words,' said a spokesman for the Queen's English Society. 'Dictionaries that are currently available, however, list just a few hundred. It would appear that words may have been systemati...

After having been in popular use for more than 250 years, the word fart will soon be replaced by brraaaap. Dr. Bunny Glaze, speaking from the annual convention of the World Gastroenterologists' Union, said support for brraaaap by the doctors' group...

Cartoonists and others who for decades have used "#@%&#!" to represent curse words are outraged by a plan to cease using the symbols. Beginning July 1st, #@%&#! will be replaced by "<>?{}!," said Lunabird Fistermacher of the US Departm...

ATLANTA, GA- After a long, six month research period it was discovered that conversate is not a word.
This study comes from 40 year old, Geoffrey Bentine, who while in a conversation with a friend said, "Can we conversate later?" In turn his frie...

Former England manager Steve McClaren has left his role as coach of the Dutch club FC Twente the day after holding talks with chairman Joop Munsterman over what the latter called 'language difficulties'.
Munsterman said:
"We can't understand hi...

Linguistic experts say the phrase, "It is what it is," is incorrect, and in reality, it isn't what it is. "At one time it might have been what it is, or was, but it isn't anymore," said American Linguistic Association spokesman Binder Porkmann.

Two college professors had to be forcibly separated by students after they got into a fistfight over whether or not the term "friggin'" is a real word. 64 year-old Professor Wilkie Hyennisfield admitted to police that he threw the first punch.

Scientists and hospital staff are baffled this evening as Hugo Mountbatten, 41 from Wigan, continues to talk in overly complex medical jargon after prolonged contact with the BBC medical drama series 'Holby City'.
The bar owner, from the Pemberton...

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