This morning while at prayer I read a statement in Mark Nepo's The Book of Awakening that helped me make sense of what happened yesterday:

At times so many memories trample my heart that it becomes impossible to know just what I am feeling and why . . .

Two years ago, June 1, 2010, was a significant day in my brother John's "Love and Peace" endeavor. We had sent out emails to the centers and individuals on his website and to many other friends inviting them to remember at noon on this day (and on the first day of every month) the words: Love and Peace to the Whole World. Think It and Make It Happen. John was excited and deeply committed to this new unfolding of his endeavor. So much so that around 10:00AM he took a folding chair and a bottle of water and went out into the orchard to begin his own remembering of those words. He stayed out there for four hours or so. The light and joy on his face when he came back to the house was remarkable!

Yesterday, I went out to the same spot - near Renee's well - sat under a tree and remember both the words and the hope in John' s heart that all living beings would become channels of love and peace. Memories flooded into my heart and tears flowed out of my eyes.

Then in the early evening I decided to let the three little chicks out of the hutch near the porch. They were having a great time - exploring a little further and then running back to the hutch. I enjoyed their antics and noticed how much stronger and faster they were becoming. It was relaxing and fun - for awhile. Then I decided, it was time for them to go back inside. No way . . . they were not ready! I chased them for a bit - too fast for me - so I took the only option available: to sit down and wait for them to go back into the hutch on their own. They did just that about five minutes later.

Why was I able to wait for the chicks to return to the hutch on their own? Why is it so difficult for me to let my grief be until it lifts and my life feels whole again?

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Earthwalker

_Loretta McCarthy is deeply engaged in tending and cultivating the garden of her own soul and empowering others to do the same. For decades, Loretta ministered as a spiritual companion, grief group leader and retreat facilitator. Today, she cares for the trees, the chickens and other living beings at Dancing TreePeople Farm. Loretta offers SoulWork Adventures for groups and individuals.