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These events have actually unfolded and you'll be pleased to know we haven't entered a parallel universe where nothing makes sense.

Although, if you spend enough time in the eclectic 'Plymouth Herald comments section' then you could argue we're already there.

ANYWAY, after we reached the dizzying heights of the #4 trending topic on Twitter this afternoon, we decided it was time to really delve into the twilight zone of online commentary and ask the important question:

What is the 'Plymouth Herald comments section'?

Disclaimer: If we're being picky, there's actually no such thing because we're called Plymouth Live now, dahling. But technicalities aside, the famous forum is going strong thanks to regular contributors - and new fans - who keep asking, 'Is this the place to make prostitution-based allegations?'

Katie Timms

People flock to the Plymouth Live comments section for a variety of reasons and I will attempt to dissect them in this article.

The Debaters

Some want to begin a debate, especially on topics that really don't need one (see ANY article that contains a whisper of Tom Daley's marriage or baby).

Some drop a controversial or divisive statement and then, like Machiavellian overlords, leave others to pile in and tear each other apart.

Some stick to their guns and follow a point of view through to the bitter end, or at least until a few days have passed and no one can be bothered to comment anymore.

The Sharers

The Plymouth Herald comments section is a weird and wonderful place (Image: Sarah Waddington)

A good portion of the Plymouth Live readers come to share details of their life, which I find to be very wholesome.

The comment section becomes the technological embodiment of someone who asks you how you are out of politeness, not out of interest, and you end up telling them your life story. This is possibly my favourite kind of commenter.

After the revelation that Chris Dawson is selling food from Iceland one user dropped by to tell us that they're not a regular shopper in Icleand but "if The Range introduce Iceland frozen foods in all of their stores...we will use it."

Sharing is caring.

The Blurters

These are the hot potato commenters. They don't have enough time or maybe conviction to offer a thesis style response, so they just chuck a quick word in so we know they've visited.

Like how the delivery guy leaves a note to say they've visited your house, but ultimately decided they couldn't be bothered to get the parcel through the letterbox.

They often utter a single word like 'prat' or 'muppet' on an article and then quickly disappear off into the void of the World Wide Web, leaving a trail of breadcrumb-sized judgements in their wake.

The H8rs

You hate us and you want us to know. Which is fine, everybody is entitled to opinion. I hate myself sometimes. You still read the article though didn't you my friends.

The Grammar Nazis

The less we say about this the better, because if I've made a spelling mistake somewhere in this mess I know where I'm going to be hearing about it later.

The Kindly Word-ers

Finally there are those who genuinely want to spread some good in the world of obscure local newspaper comment sections and often leave a kind or supportive word. You're too good for this place.

The Insinuators

The most recent addition to our fold. You don't outright say anyone's wife is a prostitute, but you might insinuate it. You know who you are.

A place to expand your knowledge

Plymouth Live's comment section is also a great place to expand your knowledge on particular subjects. For example if you know nothing about trains, head to the comments section of this First Great Western live blog and user hstmtu4000 will give you a breakdown in minute detail of railway line speeds in the South West.

And you better believe him because to quote hstmtu4000: "I do know what I am talking about when it comes to the railways down here even if you don't Ian."

Tumbleweed

Sometimes there's no comments at all. I don't want to say that we've got your collective card marked but the opportunity to run riot in the comments can be easy to predict. Which is why I was as disappointed as you were to find out the comments weren't switched on for It's almost the best time of the year to see Uranus.

Our comment section is the perfect melting pot of passive-aggressive comments, heartfelt messages, straight up abuse and nonsensical chatter. Kind of like a written version of your average Saturday night in Plymouth.

Even I occasionally spend time in the comments myself, but unlike Mr Mercer I have not yet had the opportunity to call someone out for insinuating my wife is a prostitute.

After publishing an article about the reopening of Plympton McDonald's I once had a man named Timmo ask if I would like to cover the grand opening of his garage extention.

Assuming it wasn't a euphemism I did try to take him up on the offer but he never got back to me. Timmo, if you're out there, the offer still stands.