A bunch of Q's for BTDT moms in a new relationship *long

Ok so this is a mix of a bunch of rambling with a few questions that someone might be able to help me with. Forgive me if it hardly makes sense.

My ex and I split when LO was a month old. It wasn't amicable and its pretty messy. I found it someone annoying and depressing today writing some stuff in the baby book and everything says "our thoughts when we found out we were pregnant" "picture of mom and dad" I can't bring myself to write anything in it. Honestly it wasn't planned at all. "Our" thoughts included, me: "OMG I can't believe I'm pregnant crap (whole bunch of emotions) I'm going to give this baby the best life I can I love him already" .. Him: "fuck. You have to get an abortion, you'll ruin both our lives, don't ruin my life by keeping it" like what am I supposed to do write a bunch of lies? I find it heartbreaking that I won't be able to tell my son that his mom and dad loved each other very much and we were so so happy when we got pregnant. As much as it sucks, he's not going anywhere so it's not like the next person I meet can just become his new daddy. He has one and he's an ass.
As I was looking for a picture on Facebook today, I realized I still have all the pics of me and my ex still on fb. It's really time I delete them they just make me nauseous but every time I've gone to do it before I realize that maybe it's selfish to delete all the pics of Callan's mom and dad together. Should I consider saving them for him to have one day, is that stupid? Should I just delete them all and not think twice about it? Maybe I'm over thinking it but something tells me it would be wrong to take that away from him if he wanted it one day. Maybe I should print them and hide them and then delete all the "digital" copies?

Another thing is dating. Honestly I don't have much interest in anything like that right now but it's always in the back of my mind that what if I never find someone? How old was your kid(s) when you started seeing other people? How did you meet people, through friends? Online? Out places? Any advice would be appreciated, I'm just starting on the road to single motherhood and have no one else who's been there before.

Comments (22)

I think you should print them out, put them in his baby box and forget about them. I have ONE picture of my mom and dad together happily (they divorced when i was 2) and i kept that picture in a special box my entire life. When i was sad, i'd look at it and find comfort of some kind that we were all a happy family back then... I still have it to this day, in the same box.

Im married though so im no help on dating. Good luck mama, keep your head up :)

I'm obviously not a btdt mom, but as for the pictures? I personally saved some for her. I deleted them of Facebook, but saved them in a file I don't have to look at on my computer. I wrote so much in Elena's baby book while I was pregnant so now I don't know if I should buy a new one or keep hoping he'll be involved one day :-/ so I'm not much help there. Maybe instead of a baby book you could get a milestone calendar? Or make a scrapbook as his baby book? Those things are obnoxious anyways. The few guys I've met have been accidents, so I don't know about that either. You'll find someone, you have too big of a heart to not find someone :-) plus you're gorgeous so that helps too

I kept all the pictures of my exhusband and I together. They are at my mom's house in a closet. I wanted to throw them away but I thought the same as you so I kept them. My son's were two and three when I found my now DH. I wasn't really looking we just found each other. I met him at work.

I am sure you will find a wonderful man one day that will treat you and Callan like you two should be treated. I know it seems hopeless right now but you are doing a wonderful job. Hugs!

I'd print and keep a couple pics and then delete them. As for dating its a little hard but doable. When you meet someone make sure one of the first things you tell him is you have a kid. That way he knows and has the choice to keep talking to you or leaving. You'd be surprised how many guys are ok with it. As for meeting guys go out. Get on line. Let your friends set you up. Hope that helps!!

The only thing I have advice on is the pictures. Definitely print them out and hide them somewhere for when little 1 gets older. My parents divorced when I was just a baby and I had never seen them together, in person or in pictures. Right after i had lo my Aunt mailed me a bunch of baby pics and pics of my mom and dad together. I am 25 years old and just now saw my mom and Dad in the same picture. It meant a lot to me. You can always tear the pics up later, but once you delete them, theres no turning back.

Our LO definitely wasn't planned. After I peed on the stick I sent my fiance a text/picture message and I believe my exact word was "fuck".

For her book in those "what was your reaction" questions I answered them fairly honestly with answers like "we were surprised". It's true but it isn't a horrible thing to tell a child.

As far as the pages for father's information you have two options. Fill them in or don't. If you don't want to fill them in consider covering them. You could get some coordinating scrapbook paper and cut it out, cover the page (or section of the page) with the paper and put pictures or other momento type things over it. It will still look nice. If there is a spot for a photo and it has a caption just have the photo cover the caption or (yet again) cut a piece of paper to put over it and caption it yourself. You could print it off the computer if you are super concerned with neatness.

Oh, and as far as the pictures go, definitely keep them. Print them out because little Callan may want them when he gets older. I totally get that you don't want them but just toss them in a box of things to give him when he gets older so if he ever asks he will have them.

Ok so it's a good thing I didn't delete them out of anger. That's a great idea to just cover it up with pics :) I'm honestly so busy right now that I don't have time for anyone else. I am actually enjoying focusing all my time on Callan and raising him how I want. The positive to all this is we are both much happier.

As acrimonious as you break up has been, please do not destroy those pictures. There will be a time when your son will appreciate them, and they will be a great tool to explain about relationships. Besides as time passes the anger will subside and the photos won't elicit the same emotions.
As for dating.... right now don't. Focus all of the love and energy on building and maintaining a secure and stable a relationship with your son. The more stable you are as a mom and son, the less traumatic introducing someone new will be when you do meet someone worthy of inclusion in you family life. Concentrate on betting yourself, so that you will never feel as if you "need" a man in your life. There is nothing wrong in being a single mother...and I truly believe it is better than a relationship forced to remain together for the sake of the child.