You know you've been in Japan too long when...
... you select shoes based on how easily you can get them on and off.
... you answer "hai!" even when speaking English to non-Japanese friends.
... you can name all the members of SMAP.
... you think any lunch costing less than US$10 is cheap.
... "Ohio" no longer means the state.
... you recognize TV celebrities' voices without looking up--even if you
don't speak Japanese.
... you don't freak out when the salad arrives with octopus legs all over the
top of it.
... you no longer hesitate to drive halfway into the right-hand lane
to avoid the cars parked in the left-hand lane.
... every weekday morning you arrive at the train platform the same
time as the train.
... your noodle slurping can rattle the windows next door.
... you think of anything less than 1000 yen as "small change."
... you don't think twice about sitting on the floor barefoot in an
expensive restaurant.
... you no longer insist on "holding it" until you find a
western-style toilet.
... you can back into a Japanese parking space--without your passenger
getting out and guiding you in.
... you look forward to winter in your Japanese house so you can store
beer and frozen foods in your bedroom and bathroom.
... you can fall asleep on the train and wake up at your stop.
... any of your children under the age of 16 have a cellular phone.
... you no longer marvel at the strange English on soda cans, billboards,
T-shirts, shopping bags, etc.
... you can name more than three sumo wrestlers.
... you stop turning on your windshield wipers before you make a turn.
... you know your height, weight, and shoe size in metric.
... you know your birthdate by the Japanese imperial calendar.
... you no longer look puzzled when new acquaintances ask your blood
type.
... you open a kids' comic book, you're surprised if there's no nudity.
... you would not only settle for Taco Bell, you would actually kill for it.
... you only lock your doors if there are lots of foreigners around.
... people ask, "Do you want to go by car?" and you respond, "No, I'm
in a hurry."
... you can't remember saying 6 bucks was too much to see a movie and
now you pay $15.
... when someone says "bed" you think of an inch-thick mattress and a
pillow stuffed with beads.
... your kids care less about Christmas presents than they do about
New Year's money.
... your daily knowledge of the exchange rate would make a commodities
broker proud.
... you think it's OK to wear white socks with a black suit.
... you can tell time in five time zones simultaneously.
... you can name the lineage of at least three emperors.
... you can recognize your stop when the train announcer says it.
... you can recognize anything besides your stop when the train
announcer says it.
... you don't mind peeing in a public restroom with the cleaning lady
standing next to you.
... you don't mind peeing in a public restroom with women other than
the cleaning lady standing next to you.
... you don't even need a restroom to pee in public.
... you crawl back into your house to get your coat, rather than take
your shoes back off or walk on the floor with shoes on.
... you bow to inanimate objects.
... you walk around humming the song the crosswalk signals play.
... you make up your own lyrics to go with the crosswalk song.
... you know the real lyrics to the crosswalk song.
... you stop trying to get into the driver's side of your friends' cars.
... school uniforms turn you on more than lingerie.
... when someone says "breakfast" you think of fish, soup, and pickles.
... you walk into a room with chairs and choose to sit on the floor.
... you think they mean your neighborhood whenever you hear U2's "Where the
Streets Have No Name."
... you start believing you can blend into the crowd.
... even at 60 km/h you can tell whether your car is going to fit
between the lamppost on the right and the car parked on the left.
... you can tell good sake from bad.
... you believe no party is complete without a trip to the karaoke box.
... you'll eat anything with a "Mc" in front of it.
... you believe that a tie is an acceptable ending for a baseball game.
... you'll spend an hour coming to the point when making a business call.
... you let your eye be drawn toward any female whose hair isn't black.
... your long distance phone bill looks like some countries' defense budgets.
... you use chopsticks better than the Japanese do.
... you answer the phone and freeze in indecision between saying "hello" or
"moshi moshi."
... you choose "moshi moshi."
... you smile and wave at other foreigners who, had you seen them back home,
you would have hidden from.
... when someone says "mansion" you picture a two-bedroom flat in a 400-unit
apartment building.
... the only room you'll call a "bathroom" is one with a bathtub in it.
... you mutter "yoshi!" when lifting heavy objects.
... you're startled by any dog larger than a pekingese.
... you suck air through your teeth and hesitate before saying "no" to
anything.
... you assume any other foreigner you run into speaks English.
... you can't even have a family picnic without an opening and closing
ceremony.
... you believe any enclosed shelter is worth $1500/month, if it's close to a
train station.
... you can convert katakana back to English without having to first sound it
out ten times slowly.
... you stop being friendly to clerks and cashiers.
... when someone says "biking" you think of a buffet.
... you bow and bob your head up and down furiously when on the phone with an
important customer.
... you start off with "Sa, ne" while formulating a response to a question.
... you notice improvement in your Nihongo when you start ordering "hotto
doggu" instead of "atsui inu."
... you start to explain away to yourself all that's messed up in Japan with
the old line "Well, Japan is an island country, so . . ."
... you think you've met a Japanese girl who is actually intelligent.