Identify what is most important )0( Eliminate everything elseThe idea that some lives matter less is the root of all that is wrong with the world. Dr. Paul FarmerThe suffering of others is not alleviated when no one knows about it.There is no one right way to live. Daniel QuinnIshmaelThe only thing that you need to start an asylum is an empty room and the right sort of people.We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be. Kurt Vonnegut

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

aftershocks

So anyway, here I am safe as it is possible to be, despite what happened at court last week. I have specific plans about what to do if anyone is stupid enough to attempt to bother me. Man.
The details will ooze out in time, with lots of mostly boring, navel-gazing angst and messy spewing, but that is me and my customary practice, so be warned. It will get messy and boring is a given.
I am mostly using my phone for Internet access until my finances improve, and I will be proper formatting is jutnotgonnahappen. See?
We are moved into our new home, CoolCat and me, and it is remarkable how quickly this has transitioned from place to actual home. Yeah, we are home, something we never had pre-divorce.
Furniture, like actual furniture has been purchased. Put-it-together-yourself kitchen and desk, but a real sofa and chair, too. Nice. Normal stuff, and I am fully appreciative of being able to have nice and normal. Yes, I am.
I have hung some of my paintings, scattered a few nicky-nacks and am well satisfied to be living with significantly fewer things. There are many art, crafting and soap-making supplies and equipment that I miss dearly, as well as all of my aromatherapy stuff, but I am allowing myself to properly grieve so that I will stop the cycle of feeling such loss all the time. I suppose there is no good time to admit this, I am feeling loss and love for my recently divorced husband. Yes, even though it is probably an indication of how messed up I am, but I have never stopped loving him. Not through the neglect and abuse, the fear, terror, pain and all the rest. Not even nearly dying seems to be enough to make me stop such insane feelings, because there is surely a strong element of mental illness that holds onto love for someone who tried to end my life and still wants me dead. Seriously, how fucked up am I.
Enough of that for now. I had an appointment with my doctor yesterday and she said that I am doing well. My heart sounds better and she is sure that all of the test and lab results will confirm that I am recovering well. I asked about exercising and she gave her full support.
I am continuing to lose weight, nearly sixty pounds since last fall.
More later.

OMFG!! J mate, I am so out of touch aren't I? I have no idea what or how it happened and perhaps as I work my way through your blog I may find out, but hoofuckingray! As they say down under good on you! You got out, probably not an easy thing to do either. You are the beesknees! (Is that in the translation list on DTE??) Will catch up soon, just wanted to say Hi ♥ Sue

About Me

I am 66 years old, mother, grandmother, friend, all the rest. Artist and domestic abuse survivor, married 45 years, now on my own, with CoolCat, just making a life for ourselves. I am more than that - suspect I might be -sincerely hope I am. This is my journey to find who I really could be. This blog is the part of that journey that heralds my renewed connections with the world and people I love, even if we have never met.