Tag Archives: being single

I’m that friend. The woman in the group whose’s stereotyped into, her career comes first, her life comes first. Finding a man, having kids is not happening anytime soon.

I hate this stereotype. I feel like society sets this up and I feel like I let it happen. I let it affect me and I feel like most women in my shoes do the same as well.

We feel guilty, alone and like we don’t belong at times. Like we’ve been branded an outside.

Just because I don’t want a boyfriend in this moment doesn’t mean I don’t get lonely. I don’t sit in my room and miss having someone there with me. But there’s also that voice in my head that reminds me I’m too busy to give someone everything they want and relationships a year ago were an addiction, the way I tried getting over the past and those who’ve hurt me.

So yes I’m taking my time, yes I’m not looking for anything serious.

Do I still feel out-of-place? Most of the time. Do I worry everyone will pair up, family will pass away and I will be wishing I had someone? Yes everyday. But I try not to think about. That’s all I can really do. Wait for that right person to enter my life, even if I’m not sure if that will really ever happen.

Would it be sad if I never found the one? A little. But I can say at this point in my life I’m a strong woman. I love my life, I love my poetry, I love the idea of my future and I couldn’t be happier.

Here’s to being single, people judging me, giving them the bird and mouthing, “fuck you.”

It’s been rather snowy few months here in the Midwest. It’s almost like the Midwest knew I was going back to California in the spring and wanted to make sure I had the full Midwest snow experience. (Thanks)

January/February has been a mix of stress, peaceful meditation and moments like the ones I’m experiencing today. Blissful happy and sad memories.

You see I’m working on my second chapbook for my workshop class. I’ve decided to focus on my past relationships. I think it’s about time I’m honest with some of the most intimate moments of my life that involve sex, men and my feelings towards being a woman and growing up feeling like an object of sex. Today I worked on two wonderful new little poems and I’m very excited about both of them.

As of right now I’m very single.

Yes I was talking to and went out on a few dates with this engineer guy but it was a looks better on paper kind of deal. I just have no attention to him. I don’t lay in bed wanting him near me, if anything it’s frustrating that he has tried to meet up with me…a little to needy for my taste.

And I would love to get laid, but let’s be real that’s not going to happen. I’m rather tired of the hook-up.

There is someone I’m crushing on but I’m sure he just views me as a friend. (I hope that’s not true) But it’s more than likely is true…that he doesn’t like me in that way.

I’ve been very into the film Spirited Away lately.

Why? I don’t know. I just have.

I have been feeling very connected to films like Spirited Away, Coraline and Pan’s Labyrinth.

I’m ready to go home soon

Ready to look at MFA programs for my poetry and I’m ready to meet someone whose going to be everything I could never write about.

At least once a day I stumble across a Buzzfeed, Thought Catalog or miscellaneous post about being single. Weather it’s be funny or inspirational the post tends to dance among the seams of the world of singledom and how us single people feel.

Even though many of little anecdote of singlehood do have truth to them I find many of them rather incorrect and only reminding me that I am single and there for this must be a problem. Especially as I begin to come across the posts about, “whats holding you back from marriage” or “23 Things To Do Instead Of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23.” It’s like when Beyoncé sang, “Single Ladies.”

Thanks happily married lady for tricking us single people into thinking, “fuck yeah gurl!” When in reality she goes home to a husband and child each night. And we stay out dancing (falling over if you’re me) and acting like each of us falls under the same category when it comes to interpersonal relationships.

In an era of mass communication involving the internet I think we’ve forgotten the needs, requirements, views of each other are just as different as each person on this planet. I know this must sound rather redundant, but it reminds me of the book, He’s just not into you and the underlining message I took away from it. Both men and women need to stop looking at others relationships, non relationship, or dating style and think that’s how it’s going to work out for us. Because we are all such different people and no cosmopolitan tips to flirt or your best friend telling you how her boyfriend cheating and then coming back to her and now there married and happy, that doesn’t happen for everyone.

Dating and love is not like meat temperatures, there’s no set rules on how to…cook me. (Ok I was trying to be clever) Fail. But that’s my point I’ve finally come to terms with today when I met this guy for coffee. Instead of reading the post from Cosmo titled, First Date Tips…From Guys.

For once in my life I took a deep breath, wasn’t buzzed and just talked. It was rather refreshing. Now I may have been feeling super so warm(actually really hot) I felt like I was on a tropical island in the coffee-house but for once in a long time I had a normal, nice conversation with a good-looking guy that didn’t end up naked or drunk.