By the way, back in 2009 I wrote a comprehensive history of the Y-foil "bicycle." Read it and remember when this blog used to be funny.

Those were the days.

Anyway, the concept of the u-lock is that when a thief cuts into it, it releases a noxious gas:

With his co-inventor, Yves Perrenoud, Idzkowski created a U-shaped lock of carbon and steel with a hollow chamber to hold one of three pressurized gases of their own concoction, including one called “formula D_1”. When someone cuts about 30% of the way into the lock, Idzkowski said, the gas erupts in the direction of the gash.“It’s pretty much immediately vomit inducing, causes difficulty breathing,” Idzkowski said. “A lot of similar symptoms to pepper spray.”

So basically it's like cutting into a hunk of Limburger cheese at a cocktail party, or like a Fred peeling off his chamois after a long ride.“You’re basically just puking on yourself the entire time,” he said. “They could change all their clothes, shower, if the bike is still there come out and cut the remaining 75% of the lock. You can’t prevent a theft 100%, so that’s why we call it a deterrent lock, not a solution.“All you have to do is be better than the bike across the street.”

Okay, two questions:

1) What happens to the innocent bystanders? Are they just collateral damage?

2) If this is such an effective deterrent, why not just put some SkunkLock stickers on your current lock and be done with it?

Explosive charges, noxious gas...it won't be long before we need the cycling equivalent of the Geneva Convention.

Speaking of destruction and mayhem, remember how my chain broke yesterday? Well when I finally went to shorten my chain for the ride home I noticed that the pins came out way too easily, which undermined my confidence considerably. I also discovered my pulley wheel was cracked:

Did the broken chain cause the pulley to break? Or did the broken pulley somehow break the chain? Or are the two things completely unrelated?

Nah, just kidding. I'm actually ordering the $599 "coated" version:The OSPW is a carbon-fiber pulley cage stuffed with a pair of 17-tooth, machined-aluminum pulleys. It sells for $499 and is claimed to save you at least 2.4 watts. $100 more gets you the coated version, which claims to have 50-percent less friction than CeramicSpeed’s standard ceramic bearings. A pair of standard replacement pulleys cost $279, or $369 for the coated version.
Wow, the "coating upcharge" has to be the most revolutionary development in bilking Freds since the "SL" suffix. I imagine a visit to the pro shop must go like this:

"Wait, did I say $499? Sorry, I meant $599. It's got a special coating. No, you can't actually see it, and there's no way I can show it to you because it's not visible to the naked eye, but I promise it's there."

On second thought I'm not pulling the trigger on new pulleys until retail prices crack the $10,000 barrier.

Nevertheless, going back to the "Bicycling" review, those $499 derailleur pulleys (a total bargain now that you know they go for twice that in titanium) sound absolutely fantastic...apart from the fact that they can't clear a 28-tooth cog:

But maybe if you spring for the "coated" version the whole friction thing will cancel itself out.

Oh, and you have to use them with that special $135 chain that only lasts for 200 miles and is only good in dry conditions:

The chain’s watt-saving properties are only good for 200 miles, after which it’s about as fast as an unoptimized, but broken-in, version of the chain. Also, CeramicSpeed warns that the chain’s treatment is not corrosion resistant and should only be used in dry conditions during its 200-mile optimized lifespan. Once the optimization wears off, you can protect the chain from water damage by using your favorite chain lube.

But if you do you'll explore the fascinating grey area between riding at your "average ability" and riding at your "best:"

However, there’s "on paper" and there’s "the real world." I learned that gaining time improvements in the real world from a claimed less-than-10-watt reduction in friction—with variables like weather (I tested this in the late winter/early spring) and my wildly fluctuating form—is pretty tough.It appears there was a little bump in efficiency, but the real-world improvement in time was less than the difference between when I’m riding at my average ability, and when I’m my best. It certainly wasn’t like I bolted the OSPW and UFO on and it started raining easy PRs.

But keep in mind that you suck, so the difference between your "average" and your "best" is about as meaningful as the friction coefficient between the base derailleur pulleys and the "coated" version.

Note 30. (Paragraph 184) A further advantage of nature as a counter-ideal to technology is that, in many people, nature inspires the kind of reverence that is associated with religion, so that nature could perhaps be idealized on a religious basis. It is true that in many societies religion has served as a support and justification for the established order, but it is also true that religion has often provided a basis for rebellion. Thus it may be useful to introduce a religious element into the rebellion against technology, the more so because Western society today has no strong religious foundation. Religion, nowadays either is used as cheap and transparent support for narrow, short-sighted selfishness (some conservatives use it this way), or even is cynically exploited to make easy money (by many evangelists), or has degenerated into crude irrationalism (fundamentalist protestant sects, “cults”), or is simply stagnant (Catholicism, main-line Protestantism). The nearest thing to a strong, widespread, dynamic religion that the West has seen in recent times has been the quasi-religion of leftism, but leftism today is fragmented and has no clear, unified, inspiring goal.

Just think, if your Works Cycle's wheel lock had that Skunk Gas, you could have found your bike by following the scent!

Bike thieves enterprising enough to carry power tools to cut bike locks will add some kind of gas mask or spray booth respirator to their tool box, and develop a coffer dam mechanism to keep the smell away. All they need to do is identify the black and white stripes on the U-Lock.

Can I get that hat with a fleece lining? I'm a big fan of any WWII movie with bombers and or fighter planes.

This blog becomes more like The Onion every day. is there a scratch and sniff sample of the Skunklock? Is it as noxious as Cipo's used chamois? I can't wait to get my Ceramic Speed pullies, so I can suck Less. I bet they'll make my Dahon kick - ass!

Also, I'm in for a fleece-lined, copper-riveted, hand-chamfered, brown (or honey, now that I think about it) BSNYC-logo'ed bikeen cap. If you can have a limited edition that is autographed by Leroy's Dog, that would be totally sweet. This crowd-sourced collabo is fucking awesome!

Spent many, many minutes reading the post and then realized I could have been a top ten finisher. Drat! Now all I can do is sit here drinking beers and contemplating what could have been. PS Like the new hat design much better than the "sold out" model.

I had a housemate in college who palped the bomber hat when riding his bike. He had the googles too...I was driving my car recently, the one that I own which requires me to frequently provide boat payments to my mechanic, and I encountered a lady cyclist who was riding ahead of me on the same street. She was riding no-handed and pumping her hands like she was running. As I approached her she started to swerve quite a lot, especially when she punctuated her arm pumping with some jazz-hands. As I passed at a careful distance I noticed the ear-bud headphones which kind of explained all of the enthusiastic arm movements. I turned right at the end of the street and looked in my review mirror just in time to see her round the corner and crash when she ran up against the curb. She jumped up almost immediately so I assumed that she wasn't badly injured. She was not wearing a healmant, in case you were wondering...I bring this up for two reasons:1) it was funny, in a nobody got seriously hurt kind of way2) if she had a bike mine and a skunk lock I think they would have both detonated and made the whole incident much worse.

Travels to the lefty coast this week made me miss a few days (while pissing around on a powder blue bike share)

So today I comment on Tramadol a day or two late - they gave me that crud to take at home after some inpatient surgery this Summer - it is good for helping one sleep deep without rolling over on to incisions - I would never want to operate a bicycle while under its influence.

And you can sing about it by substituting Tramadol for Panama in that shitty Van Halen song fro yesteryear

Major internet attack, from an unknown source, has brought many websites into a Babble like position, but apparently you can still order a cap. I bet the Russian language version of the Onion isn't down.

Is there an answer to the perfect bike lock, do those without hands steal? Side note, I log cable stretch now and it is joyous. So far nothing to report all cable the same as day before, something about pre stretched cables the package said.

My new pulleys have hidden motors that provide an extra 200 watts. They're pretty big, so you can only use a maiximum cog of 21, but that's all you need with those watts, and you get a Fred-perfect 11-21 corn cob cassette! There will alsoBe a Bluetooth smartphone app. Kickstarter by Hugh G. Rexshun and Red Ruffensoar to be coming soon!

We don't need no quiz.We don't need no PSI control.Lots of dark sarcasm in the blog.Blogger, leave those cap designs alone.All in all you're just another blogger in the wall.All in all you're just another blogger in the wall.

The first time someone with Asthma cuts into one of those locks he/she will end up dying and his/her next of kin will sue. In a Blue State they'll probably win. In a Red State the judge will they the next of kin "To bad it didn't f'ing kill you too".

As a former bank teller, I got to watch a lot of bank accounts go up and down... people who "made a lot of money" often had the same balance as "week to week" folks, because "people who make a lot, spend a lot". What does this have to do with anything? Bike Blogger, Bike Snob NYC: I know you are kidding. But please, save your money. We will miss you if you have to go and "get a real job".

The Terminator: In three years, Cyberdyne will become the largest supplier of military computer systems. All stealth bombers are upgraded with Cyberdyne computers, becoming fully unmanned. Afterwards, they fly with a perfect operational record. The Skynet Funding Bill is passed. The system goes online August 4th, 1997. Human decisions are removed from strategic defense. Skynet begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, August 29th. In a panic, they try to pull the plug.Sarah Connor: Skynet fights back.

Will the leather cap be chamfered?? Or will Eric get laid off?Alas, with the bioweapon bike lock, there will be collateral damage, and innocents will get affected, but the same is true of anyone near me within a three block radius of a Chipotle after dinner.

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!