July 18, 2008

I haven't forgotten our habit study. The truth is, I've been thinking almost incessantly about a habit I have to change, a new rail I need to lay down, before any other habit will take hold in this house.

I got a note from a young mom the other day. She's in her mid-twenties, with four children and she's really got me thinking. I told her that I think she is a lot like me. She wants to do the very best she can with her husband, her children, and her home. She wants to let God plan her family. She wants to grow in holiness. She wants to connect with like-minded women. She wants to be alone. She's wondering if she'll ever hit her groove.

I was chatting with an old friend today about the mom I was. This is my oldest "mom" friend of all. We met in a pre-natal exercise class when we were pregnant with our first babies. We grew up together. We grew into our roles as new wives and mothers together. We knew each other inside and out. So, I began to wax sentimental with Martha and she was as practical as always.

"There were fingerpaints outside. Remember the time we let them paint with their feet on the deck and then slide into the baby pool and make the water all colored? Remember how my house always smelled of fresh-baked bread and Murphy's Oil Soap?"

"I remember," replied Martha wryly, "that you wore the finish off the floor because you were addicted to that smell."

"O.K. So maybe it wasn't perfect," I agreed, "but it was more peaceful."

"Um," she ventured, "You have eight times the children and you're going in a million different directions trying to meet the needs of absolutely every stage of child development..."

Well, yes, there's that. But still. There is something stirring restlessness in me that wasn't there years ago.

I talked to another friend, my closest friend in the world. "I think it's the internet," I ventured. "I don't think it's possible to live a recollected life and be plugged in."

"And there you go again," she said. "Everything is black or white. Plugged in or unplugged. No middle ground. Here' s the problem you're hearing with your young mom correspondent and you're seeing in yourself: you reach a point in your day when you want a bit of time alone. You're feeling needy. Instinctively, you know that time alone is how you recharge. Years ago, you might have spent that time with a book or a magazine or your Bible. You might have called a friend. You might have sat down to write, but you would not have published instantly. You would have been writing because writing brings you peace. But now, you think you're spending time alone, but you're really connecting with all these different people in all these different places. You're getting tons of input and sensory stimulation. And then you think you're nurturing relationships, but really, it's very rare that a true friendship uses a keyboard as a medium. I just don't think people are created that way. In the end, the place you go when you're feeling depleted, the place you look for shoring up, ends up sucking the last little bit of energy from you."

She's got a good point.

My young friend wants to know how much time is okay to spend alone. And I've pondered this for quite some time. I think we need time alone. Some of us need more time than others. I don't think time spent on the computer is time alone. There is the rare e-mail friendship that involves long "letters" that might qualify as time spent shoring up. But the time spent surfing for ideas from decorating to dinner (not to mention researching educational philosophy) is not time spent alone. The time spent on message boards, blog comments, and email loops is not time alone. It's time in a crowd, sometimes a very large crowd. And it has much the same effect.

I've spent a fair amount of time in doctors' offices this week. From orthopedists to obstetricians to radiologists (and back around in circles), I noticed one thing: everyone was working. The people in scrubs, the people in lab coats, the people in office attire, no one was slinking away from her work to check her mail, contribute to an online conversation or surf for craft ideas. Mothers at home have more freedom than all those people I watched work this week. We can call the computer from its sleep mode "just for a minute" to do any or all of the above tasks and no boss is going to frown upon the habit (or worse). But a habit it becomes and a minute becomes ten or twenty and then we go from just clicking and reading and start to write a response and suddenly the afternoon is gone. Or we don't write a response, but we arise from our chairs troubled by something we read and we hold it in our heads as we go about our daily rounds, and we wonder why we feel frazzled.

"I just want to bake bread and wash the floor," I insisted again to Martha.

"You are allergic to wheat and Christian washes the floor now, " she reminded me.

Slowly, I recognize that it's not the bread or the soap or even the paints (though I intend to do that with my little ones tomorrow). It's the quiet thoughts I carried in my head while I did those things.

Mothers were made to nurture. We nurture babies. We nurture little girls who look to us as examples of what they are to become. We nurture restless teenaged boys. We nurture young adults who are boldly going forth in the world. We nurture a love with a man who is called away from us and into the world in order to provide for our basic needs. Mostly, we nurture relationships. And real relationships require thoughtful time and attention. They can't be a click away. They require the investment of energy and understanding. They require prudence and forgiveness and genuine charity. It is true that in our lifetimes we might find one or two of those friendships online. But that is all. Just one or two. And those friendships will more than likely grow and flower over much time and many long, thoughtful letters and many more phone conversations. They will not remain confined to the screen and the keyboard.

Most of our genuine friendships, most of the contacts that will fill us rather than deplete us, are the ones we nurture face to face and the ones where we are nurtured in return. They'll be the friends who watch your first baby when you go to the hospital to give birth to the second. They'll be the friends who sit in stunned silence at playgroup while the doctor on the phone tells you that you must arrange for a CT scan immediately. And they'll be there when your hair is falling out and you need a second opinion on a wig. They'll help you move and set up housekeeping in your new house. They'll be the extra set of hands you need the first time you attempt to nurse both your baby and your toddler following an unexpected C-section.They'll understand how fragile you are in the months after your first child leaves for college and they will be kind, very very kind, when the whole world seems like a hostile place.

I can't tell my young correspondent how much time to spend online. I can't even seem to set those hard, fast parameters for myself, but I can offer this: make sure the time you spend is really nurturing you. Make sure it's making you a better wife, a better mother, a better Christian. Your time is so precious and your time alone is so scarce. Make it count. Make it matter.

June 28, 2008

With this installment, we begin to ponder Laying Down the Rails. This book is so well named. As I reflect on the past year and look ahead to the next, it is so easy to fall into the lingo of the railroad.

"Ah, that's where we got off track.""See, we were really chugging along in that term!"Thankfully, we can begin again when we get derailed."

This particular book resonates with me. I see where habits have stood us in good stead over time. In particular, our bedtime habits have ensured that I know that all of my children got significant amounts of focused attention from me every day. Bedtime was (and is) assuredly a time of quality literature, of prayer, and of confidences shared as we snuggle in the still and the dark. I remember how hard this habit was to cultivate when my older boys were little. After a warm bath and books, I'd lie with them in the dark and one of two things would happen: (1) I'd internally squirm and fidget, thinking of the things I'd still to do: dishes, laundry, projects or (2) I'd fall asleep, thereby neglecting and annoying my husband.

Oh, it'd be so much easier to do this another way!But I was committed to an intentional habit, one that I knew would be beneficial over the long haul. I had no way of knowing just how beneficial. And I don't regret a single squirmy, sleepy moment. And somehow, over time, I've overcome both the squirminess and the sleepiness. I guess a "habit is ten natures:-)"

We read that habits produce character.That makes sense, doesn't it? A child's character is the sum of his habits to some degree.

The habits of the child produce the character of the man, because certain mental habitudes once set up, their nature is to go on forever unless they should be displaced by other habis. Here is an end to the easy philosophy of, 'It doesn't matter,' 'Oh, he'll grow out of it,' "He'll know better by and by,' 'He's so young, what can we expect?' and so on. Every day, every hour, the parents are either passively or actively forming those habits in their children upon which, more than upon anything else, future character and conduct depend (Vol.I, p.118).

They won't outgrow it. When my husband and I watch our toddler doing something a bit naughty but awfully cute in someone so young, we have to remind ourselves that it won't be so cute when she is five. if we don't want her to behave a certain way when she's no longer a cherubic tot in diapers, the time to stop the behavior is now, before it is a habit.

Educate the child in right habits and the man's life will run in them, without the constant wear and tear of the moral effort of decision. once, twice, three times in a day, he will still, no doubt, have to choose between the highest and the less high, the best and the less good course. But all the minor moralities of life may be made habitual to him. He has been brought up to be courteous, prompt, punctual, neat, considerate; and he practises these virtues without conscious effort. It is much easier to behave in the way he is used to, than to originate a new line of conduct (Vol. 2, p.124)

So, the character is not just a series of rote behaviors. He is still in a position to decide again and again. We don't train the will out of him. We strengthen the will by instilling good patterns of behavior. Much the way we can teach a child to be a discerning reader, to help him learn how to read and comprehend a book, we teach him how to behave. The tools for comprehension don't do the work for him, but they give him particular patterns of thinking that come automatically, leaving him the freedom to actively engage his brain in higher level thinking as he reads. The "minor moralities of life" are no-brainers. And the barin is primed to choose good when faced with the big decisions.

The mother who takes pains to endow her children with good habits secures for herself smooth and easy days.

Consider how laborious life would be were its wheels not greased by habits of cleanliness, neatness, order courtesy; had we to make the effort of decision about every detail of dressing and eating, coming and going, life would not be worth living.Every cottaeg mother knows that she must train her child in habits of decency, and a whole code of habit causes a shock to others which few children have courage to face. Physical fitness, morals and manners, are very largely the outcome of habit; and not only so, but the habits of the religious life also become fixed and delightful and give us dues support in the effort to live a godly, righteous and sober life (Vol 6, p. 103)

This is "pay now or pay later" parenting philosophy. I can assign a task and then motivate myself to teach patiently how it is done properly and to inspect to see that it has been completed properly--over and over again until it is a habit--or I can take the easy road now and not follow through, only to be faced with that same poorly done task, or task not done at all forever more. This goes way beyond the habit of doing household chores cheerfully and well.It means addressing every small lie and insisting upon the truth. It means stopping in my tracks to correct a whining child and insist on a pleasant voice (or a nap) every single time. It means ensuring first time obedience. It's work. but it's going to be work either way. An untrained child or a poorly trained child will be much, much more work as an unruly teenager or young adult. Much more work, much more worry, much more grief. Invest now or pay later.

In conclusion, let me say that the education of habit is successful in so far as it enables the mother to let her children alone, not teasing them with perpetual commands and directions--a running fire of Do and Don't; but letting them go their own way and grow, having first secured that they will go the right way, and grow to fruitful purpose. The gardener, it is true, 'digs about and dungs,' prunes and trains, his peach tree; but that occupies a small fraction of the tree's life: all the rest of the time the sweet airs and sunshine, the rains and dews, play about it and breathe upon it, get into its substance, and the result is --peaches. But let the gardener neglect his part, and the peaches will be no better than sloes (Vol 1, p 134)

June 18, 2008

Education is a life! Isn't that the truth? I think I'm most aware of this truth when I consider how much I've been educated since leaving formal education. First, there was a "unit study" on marriage, with a little rabbit trail on weddings. Running along at the same time was a study of real estate. These studies were followed quickly by an intensive study of pregnancy and childbirth. Then, there was the all night cramming as I learned about breastfeeding and launched a lifelong study of child development. All too soon, we were knee deep in books about surviving cancer. That's a lot of learning in the first three years after college! The common thread throughout these studies was my own intense interest. I wanted to know. Instinctively, I searched out the best resources: books written by people who cared about the subject at hand and long talks with experts in the field. And there was prayer. My husband and I prayed incessantly through that time of intense education. When I consider the education of my children since then, there are certainly similarities. I have tried to provide for them in our home and in our adventures together away from home an education that is infused with living ideas. I've tried to bear in mind always the admonition of St. Edith Stein: "The children in school do not need merely what we have but rather what we are." And so I have hoped and prayed and worked to give them the best of what I am. In Education Is...we read "that children should be fed a great intellectual and moral ideas through a generous curriculum." As we plan, let us plan for the banquet. Let them feast on great ideas, because "only those nourishing ideas become part of the child; mere knowledge does not." We know this to be true when we look over our own education, both in school and out. We know that what we have retained, what has become a part of us are the the good, the beautiful, and the holy--the things that mattered to us. We plan a curriculum with the intention of bringing the best of what the world has to offer into our homes and the hearts of our children. In Catholic Education: Homeward Bound, Mary Hasson and Kimberly Hahn encourage us not to be afraid:

Authentic Catholic education relies on and includes all that is true, good, and beautiful---in short, everything that points the way to God, the source of all truth, goodness and beauty.

It's a big world, full of God's endless bounty; why limit ourselves to only those resources in the boxed curriculum? Let's look at some of the particular methods of a Charlotte Mason-inspired education:

A living book is written by a single author, a real and knowable person

A living book is a literary expression of the author's own ideas and love of the subject

The author of a living book addresses the reader as an intelligent and capable thinker

In a living book, ideas are presented creatively in a way that stimulates the imagination.

I stop now and consider my plans for next year. Are living books the backbone of the studies? Am I choosing and presenting to my children the best of what passionate authors and illustrators have to offer?

~Narration:

I admit that writing seems to come as naturally as breathing in my household. My children write almost as readily as they play soccer. And the similarities do not escape me. My husbands writes sports television shows. His area of expertise is soccer. I write a little too;-).(I do not play soccer.) Narration is natural in our verbal household and even my student who struggles most is able to write well. What exactly is narration?

The cornerstone of a real life, real books education is narration. When a child is read story or reads it himself, he is required to retell it, with as much detail as possible, after paying attention to the first and only reading. After a trip to an historical site or a day in an apple orchard, the same method is employed, encouraging the child to use rich, descriptive language to tell about what he knows and cares about. young children narrate orally, with Mom occasionally transcribing what is said. Some young children will naturally use drawings to express themselves and these, too are narrations, either with or without captions.

The benefits to this approach are numerous.Because they are required to narrate after hearing a story or passage read only once, children learn quickly to pay close attention to that reading.They also learn to pay the same attention to the many facets of a field trip. The more details they notice, the more detailed their narrations.Children as young as four can be trained to be very observant and to retell stories and events with amazingly complex, textured language and sentence structure. It is the ideas in the stories or the experiences that fuel the narrations. These products, child-produced oral histories or essays, are a far cry from fill-in-the-blank workbook pages or the questions at the end of a textbook chapter.

Narrations require that a child engage his heart. He must be personally connected with the idea being presented in order to recount it. ~ Real Learning

~Copywork:

For small children, copy work is a handwriting practice: First a letter, then a word, then a phrase, then a verse. All are done to the very best of the child's ability and saved in the notebook. Excellence is expected.

As a child matures, copy work is the careful study of literature. It is a child's chance to become familiar with the test of great writers, word by word and phrase by phrase. A child copies the work and in doing so learns the intricacies of it on an intimate level. ~Real Learning

~Dictation:

Of dictation, Laura Berquist writes,

Studied dictation is a useful tool in the development of children's writing ability. First, the children are working from models of good writing. They see and study correct usage, punctuation, and spelling, as well as excellent writing of various styles. In the old days of Catholic education, schools were financially poorer, but they turned out excellent scholars as well as faithful Catholics. One reason for this was that neither the children nor the schools could afford books, so lessons were copied and then worked on. This meant that the children were continuously exposed to models of correctly written material. This is another example of the truth that children learn by imitation.~ The Harp and the Laurel Wreath (an excellent source of dictation material)

So, how, exactly does this work?

For the very young child, I simply dictate the words and sentences from the phonics patterns and storybooks we are studying. Our phonics lessons are extracted from rhyming books primarily. As the student becomes a capable reader, dictation passages are taken from copy work material. First, we read and discuss material, noting grammatical patterns or spelling of note, The next day , the child copies it (this may take two days). The third day, he studies it. Then I dictate to him as he writes it. The copy work and final dictation go in the the notebook.

The older child's spelling comes from his dictation work and his own writing. I pull misspelled words from his writing, write them correctly and have him copy them ten times. If I notice a pattern to his mistakes, I will have him copy several words that have the same pattern [the AVKO books are a great resource for pattern lists].~Real Learning

~Picture Study:

The study of pictures should not be left to chance, but they should take one artist after another, term by term, and study quietly some half-dozen reproductions of his work in the course of a term...We cannot measure the influence that one or another artist has upon the child's sense of beauty, upon his power of seeing, as in a picture, the common sight of life; he is enriched more than we know in having really looked at even a single picture. ~Home Education

~Music Study:

Music appreciation follows a similar pattern. I choose one composer every six weeks. We read a little about his life and listen to a Music Masters CD which intersperses his music with an interesting biography.Once a week, we repeat the cassette. Then we play the music often--very often--for six weeks. At the end of the six week period, the children offer narrations of the composer's life ~ Real Learning.

In order to communicate the message entrusted to her by Christ, the Church needs art. Art must make perceptible, and as far as possible attractive, the world of the spirit, of the invisible, of God. It must therefore translate into meaningful terms that which is in itself ineffable. Art has the unique capacity to take one or other facet of the message and translate it into colors, shapes, and sounds which nourish the intuition of those who look or listen. ~John Paul II, Letter to Artists

~Book of Centuries:

From the time they are very little, I teach my children to keep notebooks, journaling what they have learned in history. These notebooks become the Book of Centuries . At least once a week, I type their oral narrations for them to illustrate and to place in the notebook. The notebook is organized chronologically, in order to facilitate the child physically placing an event into the proper time period. Simply insert a tabbed divider for each century into the notebook. The child files narrations, maps, and other drawings behind the tabs. The organization will help them develop a concept of time.~Real Learning

~Hands on Math:Well, all I can say here is that those gnomes sure are hands-on(look for more adventures in the fall)! And we like Math-U-See, too.~Nature Study:

If you are a nature study novice or if you are in need of a reminder with regard to hows and whys of nature study, start with MacBeth's Opinion. Little else is necessary to get you started.MacBeth is the the master of outdoor education and an inspiration to everyone who is blessed to hear or read her wisdom.

In Charlotte's words:

We must assist the child to educate himself on Nature’s lines, and
we must take care not to supplant and crowd out Nature and her methods
with that which we call education. Object-lessons should be incidental;
and this is where the family enjoys a great advantage over the school.
The child who finds that wonderful and beautiful object, a “paper”
wasp’s nest…has his lesson on the spot from father or mother~Parents and Children.

Tell us all about how education is a life in your home and and how you implement Charlotte Mason's methods as you and your children pursue an authentic education. Be sure to leave a link to your post. If you don't have a blog (or even if you do), feel free to join the conversation at the message board. The rest of the series is here.

June 05, 2008

As we continue our book study of Education Is... , we mothers get a swift kick in the pants. The second component of Charlotte's three-pronged approach to education is often the one that is most challenging to parents. Education is a discipline and we--the adults--are called quite clearly to a life of personal discipline as we disciple our children. We are reminded in this section that we "sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character." If we follow the adage to its logical conclusion, our character is the sum total of our habits. I stop there for a moment and think about my habits. Where do I habitually spend my time? My money? What are the tracks my life usually follows? When given a typical choice, which fork in the track do I take? These are the daily decisions that aren't even decisions any more. They aren't intentional or conscious--they are just "what we do." But if we stopped and thought about them, and if we weighed them in light of what we want our character to be--indeed, what God wants our character to be--are those the choices we would make again and again over the course of a lifetime?

Whoa, Nellie! Hang on! I thought we were talking about educating our children! What's all the early morning introspection about our own characters? In my mind, it's a logical train of thought. When I read about laying down the rails of good tracks of character in the lives of my children and training them in order to cultivate healthy habits, I recognize immediately that this is going to take some serious self-discipline on my part. I need to be disciplined in order to provide an education that is richly disciplined.

1. We should put intentional thought and effort into forming habits.There it is again: intentional. This is the same mindfulness that was woven into the musings on homemaking. To me, intentional is what happens when I ponder what I want life to look like. I think about a a certain component, whether it's the smooth running of my household or the academic development of a child in his last four years at home, or the nurturing of a love of literature, and I mull it over. I think about it as you take a walk in the morning, the rhythm of stroller wheels setting the cadence of my thoughts. I discuss it with my husband before I go to sleep at night. I pose questions to Our Lord again and again as I offer it in prayer. Then a plan begins to take shape in my thoughts and soon, the plan can be put into action. It is intentional action. It is a thoughtful, prayerful approach to life itself.

2.It's not always easy to administer consequences but our children's futures depend on our faithfulness and efforts to do so.I think the most helpful thing for me in this regard is to ask myself--when I watch my child do something that he shouldn't-- if I want to nip this in the bud or if I want to deal with the bigger, uglier thing it is likely to become if it goes unchecked. Always, I decide it's worth the effort in the moment. Always.

I found the quote in the book to be especially astute, in terms of academics. Charlotte lived in the 1800s, but clearly children were much the same as they are today. I daresay she had in her acquaintance, a child like one of mine, who thinks that he can put of until tomorrow the challenging school work of today. Natural consequences really won't do in this case. She writes

"In many cases, the natural consequence of the child's fault is precisely that which it is [the mother's] business to avert, while, at the same time, she looks about for some consequence related to the fault which shall have an educative bearing on the child: for instance, if a boy neglects his studies, the natural consequence is that he remains ignorant.; but to allow him to do so would be criminal neglect on the part of the parent"(Vol. 1, pp. 148, 149).

3.Habits can become stronger than natural inclinations.I am so glad this is true! Sometimes, my natural inclinations are not so virtuous. But we have free will and we have hope and we can override those natural inclinations. I did get a chuckle out of the quote, though. I can't imagine having obedience training accomplished by the time a child is a year old. By two maybe, reserving the right for refresher courses, but not by a year.

4.Education should deal with character issues, not just acquiring a certain amount of knowledge.In a way, I think this is why we educate at home, in our family. I want the time to devote to the character issues. And I want them to spend more time under the influence of adults striving for holiness instead of other children in formation (or not). Of course, this comes full circle to the idea that habit training is as much about us as them, or more. If I have them home because I think that I can exert a better influence on them than a classroom full of ten-year-olds, I better hold myself accountable for being that good influence. I need to begin every day praying for the grace to be a good mother, a good disciple of our Lord, a light in darkness and a beacon of Christ, our Hope. In essence, I will never deal effectively with my children's character issues unless I deal with my own.

To rid ourselves of bad habits, Charlotte Mason suggests we replace them with virtuous ones. I know that in my house, my children misbehave a good deal when I have been on the phone or in front of the computer too much. They misbehave when routines slack off and meals are not given enough thought. They misbehave when bedtime isn't observed or they are overprogrammed and too busy. They misbehave when I am inattentive or lazy or tired or inconsistent. Those are bad habits. I must consciously replace them with attention and diligence and action and consistent sleep. ~Real Learning

5.Incessant watchfulness and work are required for forming and preserving habits.

In order to train a child's will in this manner, parents must lay down their lives for them. They must be willing to spend large amounts of time engaged with them. They must believe that children are educated by their intimacies and they must ensure that the child is intimate with what is good and noble and true. And when the child needs correction, the parent must educate in the truest sense of the word. She must teach. Our children are created in the image and likeness of God. If she looks at the child, sees Christ in his eyes, and disciplines accordingly, she will train her children well.~Real Learning

6. Cultivating good habits makes up one-third of our children's education.Hmmm...I pause here to ask myself if I have considered how to cultivate good habits as much as I have considered which books to buy. And then I wonder if I've spent as much time pursuing good habits as I've spent acquiring curriculum, particularly when I consider the time spent acquiring the money used to purchase curriculum. One third of education is habit training. One third.

7.The effort is in the forming of a habit; once it is formed it is no longer strenuous.If that's not inspiration, nothing is. Spend the time now, on myself and my children, and we can live in virtue. Seems like a very worthwhile investment.

Sonya lists five ways to cultivate good habits (in our children and ourselves):

Pick one habit: Don't overwhelm yourself with trying to right every wrong at once. Focus on habit per child at a time and then keep a watch over habits previously formed.

Be vigilant and consistent: This requires grace. Pray, pray, pray for the strength to be consistent, for heavenly shoring up when you're just so tired.

Share living examples: In addition to Sonya's suggestions, we can tap into the lives of the saints for examples of real live people who chose virtue.

Apply appropriate consequences: All of life is about consequences. " Consequence" is a not a dirty word. It's a good thing to help children understand early that their actions come with consequences.

Encourage don't nag: Expect the best in your children and convey to them that you have every confidence that they can be that best. And expect the best in yourself, but don't nag yourself either. Watch what your saying in your head. Are you encouraging yourself? Are you praying for grace? Or do you have a running tape of negative recriminations going all day long to remind yourself how hard this is and how short we fall of the glory of God? What would the Lord say to you? How would his mother speak to you? Speak to yourself the same way.

Finally, Sonya reminds us that discipline brings freedom. It brings joy. It bring the fullness of life in Christ.

Ultimately, we don't want self-controlled children. We want children who hear and answer the Lord. We need to give children choices within limits, but we need to teach them how and why to choose right. We need to train their hearts and educate their minds. When they are fully informed of the consequences of their actions, we need to allow free will, just as our heavenly Father does....Children who are trained in such a way do not have their will subdued; instead they have it inspired by the Holy Spirit. ~Real Learning

Journal what you're thinking about discipline. I'd like to read your thoughts. And remember, Education Is... is a free download. Lots of good thoughts to ponder as we look ahead to a new school year.

Feel free to grab the button at the top for your blog posts. I upgraded my Mr. Linky membership and I still can't get Mr. Linky to talk with Typepad. So...comments are open for links to your journal entries. I don't mean to exclude folks without blogs, but I just can't moderate conversation and cultivate good habits in my home at the same time:-). There's a discussion going at the message board, too.

Education Is is a quick read and wonderful introduction or reminder of the essence of Charlotte Mason. Charlotte Mason was a British woman of the last century who founded the House of Education in Ambleside, England, in the beautiful Lake District. She was born in 1842, an Anglican woman and a pioneer in educational reform. She founded the Parents National Educational Union (PNEU), perhaps the first homeschool support group ever. She seemed to love mottoes, and her motto for the parents of the PNEU was Education is an atmosphere, a discipline, and a life. She wrote volumes about the three educational instruments: the atmosphere of environment, the discipline of habit, and presentation of living ideas. All three components are integral to the healthy growth and development of a child:

Think about it. If we give our children only the atmosphere in our homes, theywill learn only what we already know, and our focus may turn to events and activitiesat the expense of teaching our children how to think and read for instructionthemselves.However, if we give them only the discipline of habits, they will have goodcharacter but will be lacking in mental development.And if we give them only academics, we might very well raise smart delinquentsor, at the very least, burden our children with intellectual exhaustion. All threecomponents of Charlotte’s three-pronged approach are vital in the education of ourchildren.Education is an atmosphere, a discipline, a life. What a well-balanced, all-aroundapproach! ~Education Is...

Charlotte Mason asserted that children are educated by their intimacies. That makes infinite good sense, doesn't it? Children learn from who and what they hold close.

The goal of such an education is to surround the child with noble people and books and other things with which to form relationships. For a Catholic parent, the first intimacy we want for our children is a true personal friendship with the Lord. All our educating is directed to that end.

We also recognize that the child living in a home that is also his "school" will form very close relationships with his parents and siblings. It is these relationships that we pray about unceasingly. We endeavor to be good examples and mentors. We want strong. loving bonds between siblings. Despite our inadequacies, we strive in our homes to emulate the Holy Family.

The child will also have intimacies with literature and nature and music and art. With an eye toward the ultimate goal, only the finest of these are set before the child. Children need the time and space to meet fine ideas and to make them their own. The atmosphere of the home and, indeed, of the child's entire environment can be ordered towards the purpose of presenting living ideas. ~Real Learning

1. Children should grow up in a natural home setting, not an artificial, adapted "child environment."Before the Montessorians start throwing tomatoes, please consider that Miss Mason meant that "we should take into account the educational value of his natural home atmosphere, both as regards persons and things, and should let him live freely among his proper conditions. It stultifies a child to bring down his world to a 'child's level.'" She was not writing to parents in the slums of Italy where Maria Montessori founded her Casa de Bambini. she wasnot seeking to correct severe developmental and educational delays. She was addressing the parents in nineteenth century England who were likely to tuck their children away in a fully appointed nursery with a governess, far from the comings and goings of family life--far from the intimacies which should educate the child.

2. Character traits can be learned through the atmosphere of the home.We will discuss this at great length when we fully explore the discipline of habits, but it only makes sense that children learn a great deal through imitating the life of virtue that should be readily apparent in the actions of their parents. And that keys into:

3. We must be careful how we live, because our children will pick up attitudes and ideas from us that will affect them the rest of their lives.

How shall these indefinite ideas which manifest themselves in appetency be imparted? They are not to be given of set purpose, nor taken at set times. They are held in that thought environment which surrounds the child as an atmosphere, which he breathes as his breath of life; and this atmosphere in which the child inspires his unconscious ideas of right living emanates from his parents. Every look of gentleness and tone of reverence, every word of kindness and act of help, passes into the thought-environment, the very atmosphere which the child breathes; he does not think of these things, may never think of them, but all his life long they excite that ‘vague appetency towards something’ out of which most of his actions spring. Oh, the wonderful and dreadful presence of the little child in the midst! Volume 2, p. 36,37

4.The atmosphere of our homes is formed out of the ideas that rule our lives as parents.As Catholic parents, we know that our sacred vocation is to raise children to know, love, and serve God.

5.Atmosphere is only part, not all, of a child's education. We must also give the discipline of good habits and the living ideas of a generous education.It is not enough for us to strew the house with good books and works of art. It is not enough to play music in the background as we read aloud at teatime. That we do those things is certainly important. And then, we must rise to the challenge of the discipline of good habits in ourselves and in our children so that all those good ideas can flourish. And we must prayerfully consider what constitutes the curriculum of a generous education so that we know what things to put within reach of our children.

Consider the atmosphere of the home in which you educate your children. My vision is much the same as the one I saw many years ago:

The atmosphere of the home we are considering is alive with living books and living ideas. There are art books and prints of works by the great masters. There is a garden, however small, where wee hands are invited and encouraged to touch, to feel, and to grow. And every afternoon, at four o'clock, there is teatime. Flowers on the table, Mozart on the CD player and a goodie or two on the table. The children are seated around the table where they are given the undivided attention of their mother and encourage to talk; to discuss and to relate living ideas; to celebrate the feasts of the liturgical year. That is the atmosphere of education. ~Real Learning

These days, teatime is likely to be earlier in order to get out the door to soccer practice and they are a fair number of balls and ballet shoes scattered about, but all in all, this vision has served us well.So, tell me, what does an atmosphere, a discipline, and a life look like to you? Post your thoughts to your blog and leave a link in the comments (Mr. Linky was a disaster).

May 27, 2008

A few weeks ago, I read a thread from a Catholic attachment parenting list. The thread expressed concerns with this post. Ironically, when Sally wrote her essay, she was addressing those who thought that we cannot parent effectively without spanking. The people who were objecting to my post were objecting to any discipline or training at all. Attachment parenting has never advocated a “no consequences” approach. It has promoted a deep attachment to the child and a gentle (but firm) discipline style. Gentle discipline does not mean lack of all discipline whatsoever.

In the post I read, a brief time alone
as a means of correcting a child is likened to abandoning the child. I was asked, “when did God ever abandon us?" He didn't and He doesn't. But Jesus spent time alone in the Garden of Gethsamane. And Jesus himself called out to His Father, "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" Of course He hadn't abandoned Him. But even Jesus, the human son who was God, felt abandoned. Sometimes, in real life, we can feel like we've been abandoned. Sometimes, in real life, God allows us to feel that in order to draw us closer. In order to attach more firmly to us.

“Attachment parenting” has come to have broader meanings than it used to have. A false dichotomy has been set up by some users of this parenting term.They say that they want to propagate “teaching through attachment” vs. “using
rewards and consequences.” Life is full of rewards and consequences. There have been very real consequences for our actions since the Garden of Eden. Parents who are attached--truly tuned in and understanding of their children--will quickly recognize that children need to be taught how to handle the rewards and consequences of life with virtue. And that is our duty as Catholic parents. Nothing can be called "Catholic Attachment Parenting" if we don't intentionally set about train our children in virtue. Children are not born adults. They are born persons. Young, immature persons who desperately need the
firm and loving guidance of their parents in order to make wise choices and to grow in wisdom and stature.

The Catholic AP list moms, "wonder if it is possible to merge [Elizabeth's] orderly home/life style with complete surrender to attachment parenting and abandonment of punishment." I am not completely surrendered to any parenting philosophy developed by man. I am completely surrendered to the will of God. Big difference. I will not dig in my heels over an "Attachment Parenting" checklist (that seems to change) to the detriment of my children's moral development. Furthermore, my goal here is not to be Attached Parent of the Year; it is to raise godly men and women who will bring glory to their Lord.My babies (and sometimes big kids;-) sleep in my bed. I'm nursing a toddler through a hyperemesis pregnancy in order to tandem nurse for the fifth time. I've never hired a babysitter. We don't spank. We take our kids with us everywhere, particularly when they are younger than three. I think we're pretty attached according to Attachment Parenting as I first understood it. I love Sally's term for her approach to training a child to meet the rewards and punishments of life: It's grace-based parenting;it's Heartfelt
Discipline. Attachment parenting is simple when the children are very young. It's not easy, but is simple. You meet their wants and so you meet their needs. You pour out yourself body and soul for little ones who rely on you for their everything. It's hard physical labor, demanding as it is rewarding. This is your body, given up for them.

And then it gets more difficult. I've always thought that home education is the logical progression after attachment parenting babies and preschoolers. We still want to stay connected in order to effectively nurture our children and home education affords us the opportunity of huge quantities of time in which to do that. We need every minute of that time because it's been my experience that it comes as quite a shock to a child to learn that the world doesn't revolve around him. And he learns it when he's eighteen months, again when he's about five and in a very big way at fourteen. Every step of the way, the attached parent nurtures and disciples the child. She teaches him, first through her own example and then through careful training and discipline, that he is here on earth to know, love, and serve God. Only. That's it. In order to live up to that calling, the child is going to need a huge quantity of virtue. And he's not going to get it by demanding it;nor will he get it simply by breathing the air. Someone is going to have to truly put the child's needs first and do the hard work of training him in virtue.

Charlotte Mason wrote that education is an atmosphere, a discipline, and a life. So, when the moms at the Catholic AP List wonder if it's possible to have an orderly home and lovely lifestyle merge with "complete surrender to attachment parenting and abandonment of punishment," I tell them that an orderly home and lovely lifestyle support a family striving for holiness. I contend that an orderly home and a lovely atmosphere, together with attachment parenting and the expectation that a child will live up to the high moral standards of a family render punishment almost unnecessary. I also respect the fact that sometimes I will be called to punish in order to teach.
An orderly home provides the child much-needed structure. There is enormous comfort in a rhythmic family life. An attached parent brings the child into the rhythm of the family--not the other way around. If there is an established and thoughtful and well-guarded family rhythm, the new child relaxes into that and is secure in its predictability. If chaos is the standard operating mode, the child quickly becomes a chaotic tyrant. Attachment parenting does not mean that one is ruled by an immature infant. It means that a mother intentionally sacrifices to meet the needs of her baby and to ensure that he always is safe and secure. But she is the big person. She is in charge. And he is very, very grateful for that.

The Catholic AP List moms say that they are trying to do away with consequences. I think that is an unhealthy idea. Why would we want to do away with consequences? If my husband decides not to go to work, there are consequences. If I don't clean the kitchen for several days, there are consequences. If we give in to our passions and commit mortal sins, there are eternal consequences. Why in the world would you want to raise a child in an artificial environment devoid of consequences? I'm not into complicated reward and punishment lists. I've never had one. We have no token economy, no complicated system of rewards and punishments. We just have real life and there are rewards and punishments aplenty built into authentic family life.

I don't believe that in a healthy family, chores are optional and nothing should be "required"of a child. One of my chores is driving to soccer practice. There are lots of days I don't feel like making that rush hour drive. I do it because it's important to my children and because deep-down I know there is value in it.It's difficult to remember that value when it's 4 o'clock in the afternoon and I'm exhausted and really just want to sleep. But I'm a grownup and someone taught me to do my duty even when I don't feel like it. And soccer carpooling is my duty. I think it's asking a lot to expect an eight-year-old to grasp that emptying the dishwasher promptly is important to the family and has inherent value. I explain that concept (several times, actually), but then I require it. And I draw the correlation. "If you can't help me in the kitchen, I will be here doing this chore when it's time to leave for soccer." Are these consequences? Am I threatening punishment? I don't know. I don't think about it too much. It's reality. There are only so many hours in the day. We all have to chip in. It's part of living in community.

I do not believe that attachment parenting excludes any discipline at all any more than I believe that unschooling excludes requiring a child to do certain academic things. That same eight-year-old doesn't know that if he refuses to do any math at all for several years, it's going to be much harder to "get it" and get enough of it when he figures out that he needs math in order to achieve his long-term goals. And then there's also that sticky little issue of compliance with state law. I'm all for following rabbit trails and keying into children's strengths. I'm all for gentle learning and lots of individual attention and guidance. I'm all for staying attached and knowing your child so well that you can discern the best of the best for him educationally. I also understand the times in life when we need to be in “survival mode,” only doing the bare essentials. And I believe in mercy and grace. I'm not for letting the child decide if he's going to work or not depending on whether it's entertaining or fun enough. Sometimes, life isn't fun; that's when we have an opportunity to practice cheerful obedience in the spirit of St. Therese.

So, no, I don't believe that an orderly home and lovely atmosphere are at all at odds with meeting the needs of our children in a healthy manner. Indeed, I believe that order and atmosphere support healthy attachment. I believe that much sacrifice is asked of a parent as she endeavors to raise a child in faith and grace. And one thing that a parent needs to remember as she continually sacrifices for the welfare of her child is that she must be mindful of her duty to make him strong so that he, in turn, will grow up to be a man who continually sacrifices for another in faith, with grace.

May 21, 2008

I received this email this morning: I enjoyed your blog post today and am wondering if the Simply Charlotte Mason website is by a Catholic author?

I like the ideas of Bible verses to memorize and was wondering how Catholic friendly they would be? I imagine they are trustworthy since you shared the link! ;-)

Also, do you know of any Catholic sites that have copywork suggestions? That is my hardest area to get organized! :-(

Thanks for all the inspiration you share at your blog and on 4Real!

No, Simply Charlotte Mason is not a Catholic site. Nor are Sally Clarkson's books or Donna Simmons' books. When pondering educational philosophy, I take my cues from the Catholic encyclical on Christian Education,Divini Illius Magistri, in which Pope Pius XI makes a distinction between false philosophies, which are to be avoided by Christian educators, and the methods and practices, which can be adopted if they are good and wholesome in themselves.

Quote:

....the Christian teacher will imitate the bee, which takes the choicest part of the flower and leaves the rest, as St. Basil teaches in his discourse to youths on the study of the classics. Nor will this necessary caution, suggested also by the pagan Quintilian,in any way hinder the Christian teacher from gathering and turning to profit, whatever there is of real worth in the systems and methods of our modern times, mindful of the Apostle's advice: "Prove all things: hold fast that which is good."

I trust that my readers are intelligent and discerning and faithful can do the same.

As for Charlotte Mason presented from a Catholic perspective, I think my book does a fine job of that. For a website, I encourage you to explore Mater Amabilis, a Catholic Charlotte Mason Curriculum for the 21st Century. Please also take a moment to see Charlotte Mason resources reviewed at Love2Learn, a highly respected Catholic review website.

As far as Catholic copywork, I pull copywork from so many sources: the Bible, good literature, poetry, the Catechism, books of the saints. Mater Amabilis has copywork suggestions for every age level, I believe.

May 20, 2008

Every summer, I return to a handful of familiar books and revel in the reunion. These are the standbys, the sure things, the books that remind me of what I really want from my home life, particularly from my home education adventure.

I re-read Educating the Wholehearted Child and sing with the joy Sally Clarkson exudes. I remember that the important things in a child's education are not at all difficult to provide. I first read this book about eleven years ago. There were far fewer choices on the home education landscape back then and most of them replicated school at home. Sally spoke sense to me. She gave voice to what I knew to be true and she offered me the wisdom of her experience. Sally weaves a real books education into a real--and very rich--family-centered life of faith. Hers is a grace-based approach to children. I have this book memorized in parts but I still like to return to it every summer and remind myself what matters most.

I also read Designing Your Own Classical Curriculum. I'm fairly certain that the book on my shelf is my third copy. The first was given to me by my friend Margaret when Christian was an infant. It was a true original run--copied on a copy machine and stapled down the middle. Laura Berquist had sent a few of these out into the world when this was a fresh idea in home education. Still, Laura's children at the time were much further along the educational path than mine and Margaret clearly knew what she was doing with hers. I had much to learn from them and learn I did. Now, fifteen years later, we can all clearly see that Laura's plan and Mother of Divine Grace programs have been very successful over time. I know lots of kids who have been educated Laura Berquist-style and have gone on to do very well in college and beyond. She's proven herself to be well worth a fresh reading every summer.

Last summer, I added Donna Simmons' Waldorf Curriculum Overview for Homeschoolers to the list. I found this book to be refreshingly inspiring and very encouraging. Donna's warm wisdom reminds me to keep art and beauty, the rhythm of the days and the seasons, the natural wonder of the child, at the forefront when I plan and ponder. There's something about Waldorf that always slows me down, softens my breathing, and helps me remember that some of my children are still very young and very much in need of gentle rhythms.

Usually, I also pick through my Original Homeschooling Series. This set of six volumes of Charlotte Mason's writings is dog-eared and well-loved. It's highlighted, post-it noted and sometimes committed to memory. Charlotte Mason's wisdom is unparalleled in the world of education, particularly home education. I don't re-read the whole series; I just find my notes throughout.

This summer, though, I am going to focus on Charlotte Mason a bit more narrowly. The good folks at Simply Charlotte Mason have made available some e-books which are beautifully edited. It's as if they took my ratty paperback volumes, found every quote I consider worthy of re-reading, and organized them perfectly. I began with one titled Education Is.. It matters not that my own book has a chapter with the same subtitles; this book focuses it all for me anew. (And besides, I'm not much on re-reading my own book--I know what it says:-).

From there, I'm moving on to Laying Down the Rails: a Charlotte Mason Habits Handbook. THIS is the perfect summer book! This is a beautiful reminder of all those virtues we wish to instill in our children before they leave home. My only problem is that I want to work on all of them right now, and have those tracks well-laid by summer's end. The book is mostly Charlotte Mason quotes and it begs conversation with like-minded moms.

Charlotte Mason was a wise woman. She saw the whole child and understood that the family, the atmosphere, the developmental stage of the child, and the unique call of every Christian all work together to educate a child. She doesn't neglect any of these factors. She is no-nonsense in her insistence that parents do their duty to teach their children well. It's all so very sensible.

So, download away at Simply Charlotte Mason. I'm looking forward to reading your thoughts about a Charlotte Mason Education. We can inspire each other to raise and educate happy, healthy, holy children for the glory of God!

While
I appreciate the beauty, the materials and some of the methods of
Waldorf education, I am not a follower of Rudolf Steiner, his
educational philosophy, or his religion. I am a practicing Catholic who
is very clear in teaching the faith to her children. Please see this post
for any further explanation of incorporating methods or materials that
might also appear in Waldorf schools into your home. Take inspiration
from what is good and what in in harmony with the true faith and leave
the rest. If you can't discern, then leave it all alone.

Search

Why?

...that their hearts may be encouraged as they are knit together in love, to have all the riches of assured understanding and the knowledge of God's mystery, of Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures or wisdom and knowledge. ~Col 2:2

FULL DISCLOSURE

If you click through an Amazon link on this blog and subsequently make a purchase, I will receive a small credit from Amazon. I will be very grateful for this credit and will use it purchase still more books and such to share with you. An eternal circle of Amazon life, you might say:-)