Badger Cull Blamed on Panda

A Dorking vet called Barry Badger was arrested yesterday following the suspicious death of Mrs Gertie Grimbottom, 67, of Dorking. Mrs Grimbottom was taken to the vet by her grandson Herbert, 11, who asked to have her put down.

Badger initially refused, until the boy persuaded him that Mrs Grimbottom was actually his pet panda. Her thick coat of fur and two black eyes probably helped convince the vet, and he administered a lethal dose of poison.

It is quite likely that Mr Badger will get off without a charge, as the "I thought it was a panda so I killed it" defence is well-established in English law. Famously this was used in the trial of Carlos "The Cannibal" Gerboa, who devoured an entire nunnery in 1973 under the impression that he was merely culling the panda population. Mr Gerboa is now an assistant to the Foreign Secretary.

Badger was later released on bail, pending trial.

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