The Onion has always been my primary source for news. Not only does it give us clear, lucid insights into the nation’s political landscape but it is one of the few news sources to take the threat of cataclysm at the hands of murderous, voodoo-powered man beasts seriously.

No where else would they cover a story like this one, explaining the criminal lack of Zombie preparation that Pittsburgh is facing,

PITTSBURGH—A zombie-preparedness study, commissioned by Pittsburgh Mayor Tom Murphy and released Monday, indicates that the city could easily succumb to a devastating zombie attack. Insufficient emergency-management-personnel training and poorly conceived undead-defense measures have left the city at great risk for all-out destruction at the hands of the living dead, according to the Zombie Preparedness Institute.

It’s critical to recognize that without appropriate emergency preparedness that we are all destined to spend the rest of our short, miserable lives as a side-dish at an all-night undead buffet. It stuns me that the mainstream news networks seem to be complete unaware of the threat that we face right now.

Read through this piece and watch as ONN discusses just how prepared any of us are to survive the coming Apocalypse.