Tag Archives: daddy

MTV is known for pushing the envelope. Jersey Shore showcases the antics of unruly wild young people, but they are adults. MTV Skins is a scripted show that showcases the antics of kids. Some of the actors are underage and MTV is taking the heat for showing children in sexually explicit scenarios. Some sponsors like Taco Bell have pulled their advertising from the show. The show starts with a parental warning, but is this enough? Tell me what you think.

The past few days I have watched pundits debate the book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom by Amy Chua. Chua has been both praised and criticized for the parenting tactics she used on her two children. Some of her rules include the following: (1) schoolwork always comes first; (2) an A-minus is a bad grade; (3) your children must be two years ahead of their classmates in math; (4) you must never compliment your children in public; (5) if your child ever disagrees with a teacher or coach, you must always take the side of the teacher or coach; (6) the only activities your children should be permitted to do are those in which they can eventually win a medal; and (7) that medal must be gold. She also reveals in the book that she has called her children “garbage”, but in spite of this I admire the fact that she refused to heap false praise on her children. As parents so many of us have praised mediocre to the point where children can not even recognize excellence. Tell me what you think about the Tiger Mom’s rules.

We live in an age where almost anything goes but there are still some surprises and this one is not pleasant. Amazon has been selling the E-book, A Pedophile’s guide to Love and Pleasure by Philip Greaves. Greaves is a pedophile. “The title was published late last month, according to product details previously available on Amazon.com. It sold for $4.79 on the company’s Kindle Store. Greaves says “This is my attempt to make pedophile situations safer for those juveniles that find themselves involved in them, by establishing certian [sic] rules for these adults to follow,” a product description read. “I hope to achieve this by appealing to the better nature of pedosexuals, with hope that their doing so will result in less hatred and perhaps liter sentences should they ever be caught.”* Social medi was instrumental in Amazon pulling the book hundreds of tweets went out and a Facebook page was created alerting the public to the existance and sale of the book by Amazon. Facebook posters were outraged. “This is totally unacceptable,” one Facebook posting read. “This is not about freedom of speech. This is a HOW TO GUIDE FOR PEDOPHILES! Shame on you Amazon.com.” Initally Amazon said that this was a freedom of speech issue. “Amazon believes it is censorship not to sell certain books simply because we or others believe their message is objectionable,” the company said in a written statement. “Amazon does not support or promote hatred or criminal acts, however, we do support the right of every individual to make their own purchasing decisions.” Finally late Wednesday night the retailer pulled the product. I am stunned that Amazon was actually selling this book. is this a free speech issue or was this simply a way to encourage criminal behavior? Should consumers boycott Amazon? Tell me what you think.

Today at church I heard an average size little girl call herself “fat”. She was not even slightly overweight but she perceived herself as fat. Her Sunday School teacher walked over to her and said you are not fat and you are beautiful. As I walked away I wondered whether we are driving our kids crazy? Why would this girl think she was fat? She thinks this because we have told her so if not in word in deed. If you have ever watched any of the programs geared toward teens you will find girls being defined by their weight by their friends and their enemies. ABC Family has a new show coming on called HUGE which is about obese teens at a weight loss camp. In the promos the main character refuses to hate herself because she is fat. So is this what we want to promote self-hatred? Yes, this country has a childhood obesity problem, but everyone is not obese and with the right motivation those that are can become healthy, but how much stress are we putting on our children? Are we encouraging our children to try to lose weight quickly or are we trying to promote healthy eating habits? I definitely don’t have the answers. My own daughter has asked me to buy her Slim-Fast. Which I won’t, but I know that I can’t just dismiss her concerns. I know she is not fat but everything around her celebrates the Size 0. As a parent I want to fight childhood obesity, but there has got to be a happy medium between Size 0 and obese, and I will keep looking for it.

My mother died almost 30 years ago. She was so young that I can not imagine what she would be like now. She was just a few years older than I am now. It is even more difficult to believe that I have lived more of my life without her than with her. My mother and I had a very close relationship. I was not a rebellious child so the conflicts we had were very minimal, but I now wonder what she would think about the life choices I have made. I now grieve for what never was. She was not here to help me plan my wedding or even meet my future mate. She missed the birth and growth of my children and I missed having her here to guide me through the mind fields of motherhood. As a young woman I was unprepared for my mother’s death. Most people see the tragedy in young children losing their mother, but once you cross the threshold of adulthood people believe you are able to cope with the loss. Yes, you do remain functional you are no longer wailing and lamenting at the loss of your mother, but there is an incredible void that simply can not be filled. During the initial mourning period I remember people mouthing all the usual platitudes: “I’m as close as the phone”, “call me if you need anything” or the worst “I know how you feel”, and let us not forget “she is in a better place.” What??? Well I want her right here with me. I wanted to scream “why don’t you call me. I’m the one that lost my mother” or “no you don’t know how I feel”, but instead I smiled and nodded as they said the things they thought would make me feel better. What I have learned is you never get over the death of your mother, but you do get on with life, but your life will forever be divided into before my mother died and after my mother died. My father died 4 years before my mother died and while I mourned his death it was a different kind of loss. I still had my mother to help me through the loss of my father, and I remember even then saying I miss my dad, but I knew I could not live without my mother, but that too was simply untrue. After my mother died I remember losing my sense of compassion. When other people would lose their mothers I would be sorry for their loss but there was also a dark part of me that would be saying welcome to the club. I think there were two people who kept me sane during the dark period, my best friend Stephanie and my Aunt Bernie. Stephanie lost her mother the year after I did so we could share thoughts with each other without fear of judgment, and my aunt provided a listening ear in the midnight hours when I simply needed to ask again and again “why?” What I didn’t think I understood then or now how the grief never goes away. Your happiest moments are always tempered with grief. I remember redecorating my bedroom the year after she died and being so happy with the outcome, but a part of me was sad that I was happy. On my wedding day I remember waking up at 2AM to a tear-stained pillowcase because she would not be there to share the day with me. I miss the fact that she was never allowed the privilege to be a grandmother. She always loved kids and she would have had such a good time spoiling mine. My mother was the person in my life that saw me through a non-judgmental prism. Is my story unique? Probably not but it is not the kind of story that people are not comfortable sharing aloud or hearing. One thing you find when you lose a mother and you try to talk about with people who still have theirs they don’t want to hear it. As we age the death of parents becomes a common occurrence but when you are young and most of your friends and family members still have theirs you will find that it is a lonely road. One of the saddest aspects of her death is not being able to make her real to my children. They don’t miss having a maternal grandmother because they never had one. You can’t miss what you never had. I share stories with them but it is like I’m reading a fairytale to them. In the early eighties we were not blessed with the kind of technology we now take for granted. We didn’t have video cameras or camera phones to help keep our memories alive. I have pictures, but the one dimensional version of my mother is insufficient to express who she really was. A picture can not capture the generous spirit that radiated behind the loving smile. In this post mom period of my life I have been able to surround myself with people who love me. I have a husband who has learned to recognize the sadness, but he knows when I want to talk or when I need to walk through it by myself. I have smiled as I see some of the traits of my mother in my children. My children share her loving spirit. My mother was one of the kindest people you would ever meet, but when you pushed her you did so at your own peril. I now can help someone who has lost a mother walk through the pain. Instead of saying “I know how you feel.” I say “I know how it feels to lose a mother.” It has taken me almost 30 years, but I can now be happy with no reservations. I can now rest assured that she is in a better place, but it took decades for me to get to this space. So on this Mother’s Day I can smile at her memory, and also smile because I do know that I have grown into the woman she prayed I would become.

We have not had running water in our home since Saturday. A water main broke and since that time we have been forced to use water we have stored in our basement and the county has been providing free drinking water. So it is now Day 5 and counting. It is inconvenient not to have running water, but the inconvenience makes us appreciate something we take for granted. We expect water to come out of the faucet. We don’t think about it we just know it will be there. We have learned that the water main that broke was over 50 years old and positioned at the bottom of a pond. Hopefully, while making the repair they will examine some of the other old water mains and replace before the same thing happens in other areas. FEMA has even been on hand to assist. For us this has been an inconvenience, but it is hardly catastrophic. Some of my friends have been asking how are we coping. This is not the end of the world. I admit that during these 5 days I have gotten frustrated but our inconvenience does not qualify as a natural disaster. So I will continue to boil water and cross my fingers that the water will be back to normal tomorrow and we can go back to our routine.

This Thanksgiving is different for me. In July I lost my job and have not found a new one yet, but in spite of that I am still very thankful. I am thankful that I have a supportive family and loving friends who have been a constant source of emotional support. I am thankful that my family is healthy and the dreaded swine flu has not stopped by my home. I am thankful that our extended family will be arriving tonight for the holiday. I am thankful that I have had the opportunity to share my thoughts with you for almost two years. I am thankful that I live in a country that allows me to share my uncensored and unfiltered opinions everyday. I am also thankful that you take the time to read my blog. I would say God Bless America, but He already has. So I will ask for His continued blessings on all of you, and I will just say Enjoy your Turkey Day and try not to eat too much!

Yesterday the White House opened its doors to 2,000 children from the DC area. In the midst of recession, war, unemployment and every other problem we face it was good to see children just having fun. There was also a party for the children of the military. Children bring joy and life to any situation and it was just good to see the White House reach out to the littlest citizens of the United States.

This morning on the Today Show we met a charming 4 year old girl Paige Bennethum. Her father was being deployed to Iraq for a one year tour of duty. She could not bear to see him go. Her dad was standing in formation and he nor anyone else had the heart to make her leave. This photo brings home the tremendous sacrifice that the families of soldiers make everyday. Our country is currently engaged in two separate wars and so often the rhetoric overshadows the sacrifice, but this picture brings us back to a simple truth. Paige loves her daddy and she does not want to let him go. Tonight I will say a prayer for both of them and everyone else that serves our country. We might disagree on tactics, strategy and politics, but on this day I think we all should salute their courage and sacrifice.