Everything in this world actually does come down to poo, whether it was Dr. Turk or Dr. Dorian that said it first (or sang it). Heck, we almost have more terms for saying what comes out of our rear than words for referring to our bums themselves.

But, there's only one word that helps that, and that's fiber. All of these doctors keep telling me that I need more of it or something. Something about “irregularity” and “flow.” Then, these dieters tell me it'll help me feel full. Well, I'm already full of myself, but I'm certain that the 10 grams of fiber in one of these free FitSmart bars would take care of that biological need for fullness in my lower intestinal cavity.

Now excuse me while I take my newspaper into the bathroom and make doodie.

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