So many conflicting reports, so little time! According to the National Enquirer, Bradley Cooper and Zoe Saldana are tying the knot, getting hitched, cracking the proverbial glass, and sumthin’ sumthin’ along the lines of spending eternity with one another until death parts their ways. Allegedly, he proposed to her a while ago and she allegedly, said yes. It’s a plausible theory – he’s a hot guy, she’s a hot girl; he’s an actor, she’s an actor; he likes her, she likes him! Why not? Well, we’ll tell you why not.

A source for the Enquirer alleges that Cooper’s mother, Gloria, “convinced” him to ask Saldana the big M. “Gloria worked overtime to make it clear to Zoe that Bradley is a changed man and ready to commit. Zoe scored major brownie points with Gloria when she promised that she’d start trying to get pregnant just as soon as Bradley proposed. That set the wheels in motion,” a source reveals.

That’s all fine and dandy and very Norman Bates, but Cooper has gay rumours swirling around him like that scene in The Birds where Tippi Hedren is attacked by swirling birds and she runs and cries and dies. On the other end of the Kinsey scale, Saldana has admitted that she’s bisexual. That’s why this story is as fictitious as a crop circle in a cup of tea. We’re not saying he is gay, nor are we saying Saldana is indeed bisexual, we’re just saying the marriage rumour is not true.

The source continues, “[Gloria] is out shopping or the engagement ring [and now Saldana and Gloria] are bonding over planning the ceremony. Bradley’s now telling pals he’s hoping that wedding bells will ring in late spring or early summer in Philadelphia.” This is weird and false. Very, very false.

What do you think? Do you think they’re getting married? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.