Being a Good Listener in the Midst of Crisis

Monday

Jun 3, 2013 at 12:01 AMJun 3, 2013 at 8:35 PM

Eddie Ingram

Our country was shaken by the recent news of the bombings during the Boston Marathon, the captivating footage and photographs during the explosions, and the aftermath. Many of the photos of the victims eerily resemble the images and the accompanying pain following the 9-11 bombing of the World Trade Center in New York in 2001. For those who are able to recall the 9-11 event , most are able to identify exactly where they were and what they were doing when the news came.

Crises occur on a variety of levels. Individuals experience the sudden death of loved ones. Personal crises of separation and divorce, health diagnoses, and being a victim of crime are all situations thrusting individuals into emotional distress. When an individual experiences crisis, their sense of equilibrium is taken away, causing them to feel as if they do not have the ability to cope with the event or situation which has occurred.

The result can be a wide variety of emotional responses – shock, anger, sadness, and despair.

A strong desire to re-establish the lost equilibrium occurs, causing individuals to react in a variety of ways. As pastor of a local congregation in 2001 following the 9-11 tragedy, I was flooded with calls from church members as well as others requesting special services. The following Sunday, churches were packed.

There were other ways people sought to regain their sense of security.

Statistics indicated a sharp rise in substance abuse following the crisis, suggesting the actions of some individuals to seek relief from the pain through alcohol and drugs. Others expressed their emotions through anger and finger pointing.

There is no prescribed emotional response to crises, as every individual will respond differently to life-shaking events.

Eventually life will bring crises for everyone. If someone you love is experiencing a crisis, some important tools are helpful in assisting the person to cope.

First and foremost, individuals in crisis need someone to listen. Few individuals are able to solve problems or make decisions when emotions are high. A good listener will offer attentive support and express empathy while the individual processes the emotional impact of the event.

Supporting persons often make the mistake of making judgments or offering quick advice to the individual. It is important as a support person to avoid the tendency to fix or judge, being aware that the emotions expressed by someone in crisis may be based on irrational thoughts or beliefs, which are disproportionate to emotions in other situations.

The individual in crisis needs to be offered support, to feel as if someone understands the problem, and to be assured they are safe. Any indication of a desire to harm themselves or others should be taken seriously, and assistance should be called.

Only after the initial phases of crisis intervention are met can a proper assessment of the crisis situation, exploration of alternatives, and plans of action be made.

The best support an individual to give to someone experiencing a crisis situation is a listening ear.