Forever Living in Halloween

Halloween
is more than a holiday for me. It’s a
lifestyle. The entire season is
intricately tied together with who I am, how I choose to live my life, and my
career goals. More than that, Halloween
has become a microcosm in my memories. It’s
a haunted house, standing smack dab in the middle of my mind. This Gothic mansion is laden with cobwebs and
creaking wood planks. Inside the vast
and eldritch monolith are my Halloween memories, like skeletons in the
catacombs that surely lay beneath.

The
Halloween spirit wormed its way into me at a young age. Unlike other aspects of my life, I’m not
entirely sure how or why I became the Halloween and Horror loving fanatic that I
am today. I sometimes feel it’s a simple
combination of nostalgia and luck, but really, your guess is as good as
mine.

Autumn
looms large in my psyche. With the
cooling of the air and changing of the leaves comes a flood of emotions and
memories. Often these notions are fleeting
and incomplete. Snippets play like
trailers between the feature presentation.
A flatbed of pumpkins are driven into the elementary school parking lot,
then set up in the cafeteria for sale.
An egg hurtles in my direction, narrowly missing me. Pennies, nickels, and dimes jingle at the
bottom of my plastic trick or treat bag.
It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie
Brown plays in the background while my mother checks my candy for razor
blades or suspicious holes in the wrappers.

I
think of these things, and I get goosebumps.
I want to live in these memories.
I want autumn to last forever.
This is why I am a horror fan.
Why I write horror stories and sculpt horror figures. I need the fall leaves to forever remain
overhead.

I
look through old photographs and realize that I’ve always been this way. There I am with my brother. It’s clearly Christmastime, and yet we are
wearing skeleton suits. Were they
costumes turned pajamas? Most certainly. Did I wear them until they were in
tatters? You already know the answer.

In
another photo, my brother grasps his yearly haul. Looking at this picture, I remember how we
hoarded our candy long into the winter.
I never wanted that magic and beauty of Halloween to pass, so I’d ration
out the goodies, leaving it to hang from my bedroom doorknob, still in that
plastic trick or treat bag. It was a
reminder of the greatest time of the year, and I was loath to let it go.

You
see, I yearned for monsters to be under my bed.
For something to lurk in the dark of my childhood bedroom. The mysterious nighttime world of autumn
thrilled me, and I craved it, no matter the season. Given any opportunity, I steeped myself in
Halloween.

In
elementary school, my teacher Mrs. Lidofsky used to give out gold stars for
good work. Her little twist was that
once you received five stars, you won a prize.
The award was your choice of a book from her stash. It wasn’t hard to win. The game was rigged. But that didn’t matter to me, because she always--always--had at least one spooky book in
her pile, and without fail, I’d snatch it!
I still have these books, and I often go back to them, flip through the
musty, browning pages to remember what it was like to be a kid during
Halloween.

That’s what I try to recreate every year.
I think it’s what we all try to accomplish. We attempt to achieve that old familiar
feeling that had coursed through our young veins. I have my tricks as I’m sure most people
do. I watch my favorite Halloween TV
specials. I go out to pumpkin patches,
roast pumpkin seeds (just like my dad used to), and heat up some fresh apple
cider with a stick of cinnamon. We can
never go back, but as long as we remember and recreate those traditions of old,
autumn will be with us forever.

Very nice. I totally empathize with you regarding your thoughts and feelings of the season. It comes and goes way too quickly, and our door to simpler, carefree times closes long before we're ready.

I typically feel this same way about Fair Week. Much like Halloween (even more so in my case), it is a week long trip back in time. I walk the grounds constantly recalling my feelings and memories of my childhood... my dread of the coming school year, balanced with a bit of excitement that I'll get to hang with my friends again. The search for that girl I had a crush on - hoping to catch a glimpse of her in a less controlled environment like school. The fun of riding the rides and the camaraderie of daring to experience them together with your buddy. All of that comes flooding back to me when Fair Week comes.

Halloween gives me similar feelings, though the actual event provides me far fewer days of memories, since it is one night of the year. But leading up to the event, there is still plenty to recall and revel in.

So breathe it all in. Stop and just reminisce any chance you get. I know you will.