Welcome… to my dream world.

Shnuck shnuck.

Don’t get me wrong. My brother isn’t a raging, psychotic tyrant who controls my life and won’t let me do things I enjoy. Nono, we have fun together, watch movies, play games, eat food, communicate occassionally etc. But when he wants something and I don’t share that desire, which is usually a scary movie, he will use manipulation (forceful or subtle depending on how much I challenge him) to try and convince me to watch it. And I always do, because if subtle doesn’t work, if negotiation fails and I’m adamant, he’ll sit me down and not let me do anything but talk to him. I call those Chat Sessions. At least, I do now. Chat Sessions are dangerous. No one is allowed to interrupt one. Although I know this further casts him into bad light, he had hit me (although very lightly. He could have broken bones, but he just wants to get hit point across) previously, and he grabs my hair to either make me walk, or just to seize control. Now I’ve made him sound like an ogre, and I’ve made me sound like (excuse my sexism) a helpless housewife defending the man who thrashes her.

Why exactly do I defend Eugene? Because the only times I write about him are the only times I feel the need to write. Which is usually after something good, or something bad happens. In Eugene’s case, it is normally the latter. But he’s not evil. He just can be.

To Liam, my parents say nothing. Well, Dad says "Don’t let him bully you" but doesn’t really know enough about his sons to realise I’m being bullied. Mum disproves of bullying, but just lets me handle is because if Eugene starts yelling at Mum, she becomes powerless and only his good will stops him from doing anything bad to her. She usually isn’t aware of the difference between a conversation and a Chat Session, because she’s oblivious to most things. She once offered Eugene a meal, he said he wasn’t hungry and said he wanted to go to the video store. She said she would take him after dinner, when he felt like eating. He said he was hungry, and she didn’t even notice and dished out food for him. And I’m serious, she didn’t notice. If someone tells her something, she’ll usually believe it. Eugene is of course a much better liar than me, so if he tells her we’re just talking, there’s a chance she’ll go away. But yeah she doesn’t have a lot of power either.

On the topic of scary movies, I endorse the horror genre. Until about a week ago, when Eugene started convincing me to watch The Descent, I was terrified there were monsters under my bed and boogie men in my closet. Then Eugene said something that, to my surprise, has stuck. The chances of such an event are indeed possible, but highly improbable. I’d have more of a chance falling over and cracking my head than being kidnapped by Jigsaw or finding a demon under my bedsheets. By the way, the reason I hate The Grudge so much is because she was everywhere. Shower, staircase, garage, hallway, loungeroom, under the bed covers… That’s the worst. If a child isn’t safe under his blanket, he has no sanctuary. Fundamental rule of hiding under the sheets- if you can’t see them, they don’t exist. But the Grudge somehow overpowered this rule. Anyway, yes I am somewhat less scared of serial killers and demonkind, even though I’m sure both exist. The reason I watched Saw I cannot explain. Something compelling about it, about seeing people locked up in a room and then performing terrifying tasks to free themselves. I covered my eyes for a lot of the gorey scenes, but it was somehow an entertaining (and yet horrifically graphic) movie. A good movie is one that draws reaction. And I was twitching and shaking and whimpering. Saw 2-3 are the greatest movies I have ever seen for that reason.

Why would I watch something like, say, The Descent? Besides Eugene pushing me into it, I firstly want to test if I’m still so frightened as to cower at nighttime. After a scary movie, I do not deny being terrified when I go to bed, hoping that nothing lunges out of the darkness. Now that I realise how slim the chance is, I’m sure I’ll be less scared, but I guess I want to embrace artifical terror. Mr Mueller once said it can sometimes be enjoyable to watch a horror movie because we’re safe, and yet we still feel threatened. It’s a simulation. I can appreciate the sort of emotions the horror genre evokes in comparison to comedy, romance or drama. Still, it doesn’t make me like Cave People any more than I currently do.

We didn’t watch The Descent today. Eugene thought it was half an hour later than it was, and we couldn’t see the second screening because he’d be at work when it finished. Busy Tuesday and Wednesday, so I guess that means come Thursday (if I can tear myself away from the Wii) I’ll be watching. Until then, I have to finish off as much of my To-Do list as possible. I also have two weeks to finish Great Expectations, otherwise I’ll have to kill myself as I promised. Well, I probably didn’t say kill myself, but I remember promising something drastic if I hadn’t finished it by Christmas, and suicide is pretty drastic. Anyway, it won’t come to that. I need to get busay- lots to do, no time to do it =)

~Link

(not sure why I signed with this)

(darn. Just remembered I said nothing about Wai-Con. *sigh* Okay, here we go.)

Greetings friend! A warm welcome to you from this world you've stumbled into. Take a load off and rest easy while we share this space and learn from one another. My name's Xin, and these are my thoughts on life, collections of my experiences, and my reflections on budo.

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