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Sunday, August 25, 2013

I can't seem to stop thinking about him despite trying to distract myself and doing other things he just keeps popping in my head and I seem to be on the verge of tears everytime I think about him and him not being here sharing this Sunday with us.

Day 4 of no coffee together in the morning .. Day 4 of no conversation....Day 4 of not knowing how he is doing and what is going on ... *sigh* This is a rough life.

The only good thing is tomorrow is Monday and I should get a phone call telling me what time to pick him up and trust me I am going to make him lay in bed with me and hold me forever tomorrow night so we can catch up and I can just feel his arms around me.

I will need it to be able to make it through the next week that he is gone.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

We are winding down day 4 and no word from him ..... *sigh* he needs a cell phone ... we have NEVER gone this long without talking ... seeing each other yes a couple of times but never without talking. I just need to hear his voice. I just need to talk to him .... can I really be a truckers wife?!?!

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

School is officially over for Billy. He hits the road tomorrow with his over the road trainer to get his 20k miles in. He leaves tomorrow morning. So I will be taking him into Salt Lake to drop him off to meet the guy. This guy that he is training with does a dedicated run so I guess they leave here in Utah somewhere and head to somewhere in Indiana and then back again to reset their hours so for awhile he will be home every few days I think. He had to go down to the truck stop this morning and get an advance from his ComData card so he would have some money to eat with over the next few days until payday. Good way to break myself in with not having him here is to have him only gone for a few days and then come home LOL talk about easing myself into it.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

This is the first Sunday morning we have not been able to sit and have coffee together in 15 years ... as I was sitting here in the quiet house this morning (just me and the dog) I felt so lonely. I am hoping over time I will adjust to this but man is it ever so hard and right now I should feel lucky .. for the next 10 days he still gets to come home at night .... How am I going to feel come the 21st when he is gone completely and not coming home at night ... the empty bed is going to be the hardest to deal with.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

This year has taken us on quite a journey. Me losing my job last November and really struggling to find another one and him being denied yet again for his disability has forced us through some really tough times and forced us to make some tough decisions..... with the latest beingHe is going to be a Truck Driver. He has wanted to do this his whole life and just never did it. So in that respect it makes me happy that he will finally get to do something he has wanted for so long. On the other hand I am nervous about the coming days, months and years. I have never been alone. Yes the girls will be around and I have family but that's different ya know! Not like having your husband around. I will have to learn to do everything around the house and with the cars and everything else that needs to be done that normally he has done. Not that I don't think I can do it because I can but it will be different. Along with taking care of his mother who has dementia. You can check out my other blog "My lesson in Patience" to read about those adventures LOL I am so used to having him here to bounce things off .. to have conversations with ... to just spend time with and now I will be alone. It's a scary thought. My girls are grown they have their own lives and I think I will be spending alot of time alone with alot of time to reflect. I know there will be times I will be able to go out with him on the road and that's exciting ... I am looking forward to that! Right now he is in school. He is on day 6. 11 more days to go then he will graduate and head out on the road. So for now I am lucky I have him home at night but the impending changes have me nervous as all get out.