Re: Talk about your troubles

Originally Posted by AmyKay

I agree AZ, I find that when I volunteer I feel so much better about myself. Not only am I helping others, but I am meeting new people.

Not really looking for advice, just wanting to vent. I have a 13 year old nephew whom I cherish. When he was younger he had some behavioral issues, nothing too bad. He acted out at school a couple of times and then, in my opinion, was branded a bad kid by people at that school. They moved, started a new school and he seemed to flourish. Got involved in honors classes and the soccer team. He has seemed to me to really have matured a lot in the past year. My sister texted me last night that he "flipped out" and tried to hit her. He was obviously mad about something because he posted some choice words for his mom and soon to be stepbrother on his facebook page, but my sister wouldnt get into what happened. After the fight he left and she was so worried about where he went she got the cops involved. He eventually returned home around 11 last night (Thank God) and that is the last I have heard since then. This all seems out of the blue to me. I know I dont know everything that goes on with them, but I am pretty close to my sister and her kids. My sister just had another baby about 6 months ago, and I know times are tight for them, and her current bf/fiance isnt the best so there has been tension between them, his real dad might as well be out of the picture and these things may have led to some of my nephew's outburst. He felt like the odd one out before the bf/baby came along so Im sure it doesnt help. I have tried to make him feel that I am here for him and care for him as much as I can because of this. I wish there was something I could do, but I know he is not MY child and am trying to stay out of it. My heart is breaking because I see the potential in him and dont want him to be another kid from a broken home that gets into a life of trouble.
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest <3

My inclination is to comment and make any observations and/or suggestions I can. BUT ... the thing is ... I/we know even less about what goes on ... and there is no "quick fix" even though we want one.

You are doing what he needs ... and that is loving him, cherishing him, seeing the good person in him. Let him know that if you can!

Re: Talk about your troubles

Originally Posted by AmyKay

I agree AZ, I find that when I volunteer I feel so much better about myself. Not only am I helping others, but I am meeting new people.

Not really looking for advice, just wanting to vent. I have a 13 year old nephew whom I cherish. When he was younger he had some behavioral issues, nothing too bad. He acted out at school a couple of times and then, in my opinion, was branded a bad kid by people at that school. They moved, started a new school and he seemed to flourish. Got involved in honors classes and the soccer team. He has seemed to me to really have matured a lot in the past year. My sister texted me last night that he "flipped out" and tried to hit her. He was obviously mad about something because he posted some choice words for his mom and soon to be stepbrother on his facebook page, but my sister wouldnt get into what happened. After the fight he left and she was so worried about where he went she got the cops involved. He eventually returned home around 11 last night (Thank God) and that is the last I have heard since then. This all seems out of the blue to me. I know I dont know everything that goes on with them, but I am pretty close to my sister and her kids. My sister just had another baby about 6 months ago, and I know times are tight for them, and her current bf/fiance isnt the best so there has been tension between them, his real dad might as well be out of the picture and these things may have led to some of my nephew's outburst. He felt like the odd one out before the bf/baby came along so Im sure it doesnt help. I have tried to make him feel that I am here for him and care for him as much as I can because of this. I wish there was something I could do, but I know he is not MY child and am trying to stay out of it. My heart is breaking because I see the potential in him and dont want him to be another kid from a broken home that gets into a life of trouble.
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest <3

Sometimes you just have to sit back & do nothing, except let both your sister & your nephew know you love them & are there for them if they need someone to talk to.
Doing anything more, especially without knowing the full details, is putting yourself somewhere where you just don't belong. That can backfire on you & YOU could be labeled the troublemaker, especially after they make amends.

It sucks when you care about the people involved & their lives & have to see this, but in the end it's their lives & problems to work out.

Re: Talk about your troubles

Originally Posted by AZChristian

That's why I volunteer at my church a couple of afternoons a week; it's good for me to interact and build REAL relationships, and by doing something for someone ELSE, I am better than when I am totally focused on myself and my needs and expecting everyone else to meet those needs.

I started my volunteer shifts with Angel Tree this week. Just today, I experienced 2 very young mothers, one of whom has been on chemotherapy for 7 years ( I didn't ask for what), and immediately after her there was another young mother who was about to begin chemotherapy. There are a few fathers who show up to apply for the assistance, so that's good. I try to make a point of telling the women that they are good mothers, and I can tell that they really appreciate somebody just saying that....and it takes nothing away from me and no extra time. I hate how few mothers get or try to get child support. Doing this is pretty rewarding and reinforces to me just how well I was raised and how good I've got it. It has shown me that we can only pass on what we know. It is good not to get into that rut of doting on/feeling sorry for yourself.....and doing for others is a good way to get out of that. In other words, "GET OVER YOURSELF!"

Re: Talk about your troubles

I want to clear up something. When I wrote "GET OVER YOURSELF!", I was talking about what I've said to myself when I was giving myself what they call a "Come to Jesus" moment of reality about me volunteering. It worked for me. Didn't want anyone to take it personally. I know we all so what we can when we can, and it's time for ME to give.

Re: Talk about your troubles

I can certainly relate to the pain and frustration of seeing family members going through a tough time and feeling helpless. When there is a young life with such potential and it seems to be in jeopardy, it's heartbreaking. You can try to stay supportive and just be there. Rarely do parents want information or recommendations on counselors, programs, or agencies that might intervene. (From my experience.)

Re: Talk about your troubles

So yeah. I'm in a bit of a "hate the world" mood today. I have a lot of pent-up anger towards a lot of people. Both people in my past, and people in the present. People I have bad memories about, and people who, as I said before, are completely useless. The people I have to deal with.

Re: Talk about your troubles

“If you want to forget something or someone, never hate it, or never hate him/her. Everything and everyone that you hate is engraved upon your heart; if you want to let go of something, if you want to forget, you cannot hate.”
― C. JoyBell C.

I think there's a lot of wisdom in that quote. By hating people in your past, you're continuing to give them power over you. You're allowing them to control you in the present. Let the hateful thoughts go and move on. When hateful thoughts enter your mind,
train yourself to think of something positive instead, or send the hated person mental good wishes. You can't change the past, but you can change yourself and how you look at the future.