Monthly Archives: November 2014

I wish I had a dollar for every time someone asked me how to tone their muscles (not develop them, mind you, but just tone them *prissy face*). Then if I had a dollar for every time I was asked how to “spot reduce” an errant tummy, flabby arms, or runaway rump I would have a fortune.

People! Listen! THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TONING YOUR MUSCLES. You can work your muscles, you can develop them but what is toning? No one has ever been able to explain that to me. If you are a woman, and you go to a gym, and you use the machines or free weights to work your muscles, you will not get huge manly muscles. You could not get huge manly muscles even if you wanted them. Mother Nature has decreed that you may not have manly muscles unless you use steroids and then you will regret that decision. You will, at best, have less jiggly arms, a flatter tummy, a rounder tighter butt, and a nice looking back and legs to die for BUT you will not ever under any circumstances look like Charles Atlas and THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TONING.

If you ever say to anyone who knows anything at a gym, that you want to “tone” your muscles you will be the recipient of a vacant stare, the person will turn around as if you said nothing and walk away. You have just committed a faux pas of mammoth proportions and you will be branded a hopeless case. So, spare yourself and don’t do that.

Next, you cannot spot reduce any part of your body. You can exercise muscle groups but you cannot isolate one muscle and reduce it, one part of your body and reduce it. Diets will reduce your entire body. It is an illusion to imagine that you can shrink your tummy while leaving the rest of you as is. You can’t. That is just the way Mother Nature has decreed you exist. Sorry, if you are unhappy with the size of your ________ you will have to lose weight all over or learn to live with it an embrace it’s proportions.

The truth hurts, but the truth will set you free. Be free, my friend. Don’t fret over what you can’t have, enjoy what you can have.

The other day, a normally sensible person solemnly told me that if I developed good strong muscles I had to work out for the rest of my life because if you stop working out muscle turns to fat.

Really? No, it does not work that way. Not.

Here is what happens in real life: if you develop muscles they remain as muscles. If you stopped working out, the muscles would atrophy and get smaller and flabbier. You would not magically develop fat in place of the muscles.

If you work out and you stop working out but you continue to eat as much as you did when you were working out, the extra calories you took in would magically turn into fat. Fat comes from too much food.

Exercise does not cause fat to accumulate about your body. Muscles do not magically turn into fat. Fat does not turn into muscle.

Oh, and muscle weighs more than fat but fat accumulates more easily. So if part of you seems to be growing and the scale is inching up, think “fat” first until you prove to yourself it’s muscle.

Like this:

OK, I thoroughly trashed the “fitness” drinks so popular out there. Take that, Gatorade! So, what do I drink when I am hauling around the 32 oz. Nalgene cask on the gym floor? Water? Well…I get so very bored with water. I need something to perk me up and want to drink more BUT I don’t want the calories or extra caffeine of “sports” drinks. What do I do? There are loads of great options, better than sugary drinks, for sure.

The first thing you have got to do is brake yourself of the habit of having to have something sweet in your drink. If you can get off the sugar/artificial sweetener cycle, then you will be 10000% better off. You can enjoy simpler things which won’t contribute to hunger or fatigue. I just got tired of trying to find an artificial sweetener which wasn’t too sweet or too scary. Even stevia would get out of hand or be mixed with goodness knows what. Buying sweeteners, storing them, and getting tired of them was a constant go-round for me. I finally just said,
“I am giving them up!” and that was a great leap forward for me. What do I recommend for a non-sweet workout drink which rehydrates you, isn’t too expensive, you won’t get tired of, and is actually good for you?

Try squeezing a lemon in your water. This is a wonderfully refreshing alternative to artificial flavors, it’s much cheaper than sports drinks, and it’s far better for you. Tastes great.

I got into tea in a big way. I used to hate tea, it was tannic and blah and not half as exciting as coffee. One day, I decided to try putting several green teabags in a big jug of water in my fridge, along with a couple of camomile teabags, and peach passion. I let it steep overnight and put it in my water bottle. Eureka! It was great! That slight puckery tartness hit the spot after a heavy exertion. Instead of making me want to sit down and do nothing, I wanted to get back up and get at it! I was nicely hydrated and ready for action. So, green tea and other natural flavors is a quick and easy way to make a sports drink which will do you some good. Green tea has a lot of antioxidents, and if you don’t like the grassy flavor, just add something which is more flavorful to make the brew really good. Lemon Zinger, Chai, Vanilla Tea, Rioboos, and mint are all flavors which come to mind.

So, don’t settle for “sports drinks” or only water, live a little! Tea based fitness drinks are easy to make and good for you while making you feel like a million!

We are constantly pelted with the latest miracle sports drink. There are protein powders which promise to pump you up with no work on your part, just drink and be strong. Then there are refreshing drinks which are filled with energy and wetter than water.

Poo! Most of this stuff is swill. There, I said that. Here is the truth: protein powder on its own won’t do a thing for you and watch those calories! You have to put in the gym time and make sure you are not taking in more calories than you are expending in your workout. Mixing protein powders with milk will add the calories up along with the protein. Mixing with water is pretty awful. Personally, I prefer to eat protein rich foods and leave the high priced protein/whey/magic powders on the shelf. So far that has been a good strategy for me, and I am a richer woman for that, too.

Next, any “energy” drink must be regarded with a jaundiced eye. The energy comes from massive amounts of sugar/high fructose corn syrup/or any other euphemism for sugar you care to name. You don’t need sugar. It does give you a temporary and weak energy boost BUT it is high in calories and will go straight to fat if you don’t burn it off. There is no getting around it, that is where it goes. Alas, you know that but you don’t want to think about it, do you? Sorry, deal with the facts and you won’t have to deal with the fat.

Energy drinks also add a lot of caffeine as well. I would rather get mine from a cup of coffee. I deeply mistrust the amount of caffeine in energy drinks, and since it’s so cheap to put into things, it’s another cheap money maker for them. Too expensive for what you get and, I will say it, laced with sugar and therefore fattening.

Oh, and the “low calorie” energy drinks? They rely only on the caffeine and contain artificial sweeteners. They are usually horribly sweet, in the fake way of fake sweeteners. Dump them, they are not good for you. Water is many times better!

You need to hydrate in the gym. Just concentrate on keeping yourself watered up and you will be just fine. You will also have to buy and carry around less stuff, which is a good thing. There is no quick fix and your body is one place where all the input is flawlessly tallied up, as is the output and you get to live it. So, just hit the water hard, leave the processed drinks alone and I know you will be better off.