You guys, I love the Real World/Road Rules Challenge. Even though it’s not really the Real World/Road Rules Challenge anymore because they haven’t aired Road Rules in like a decade (except that weird Viewer’s Revenge thing, which we’re not talking about) and most of the people on these shows now got started on Fresh Meat, so now the show is just called The Challenge. This year’s theme is “Rivals,” and that means the contestants are paired up with people they hate. I’m ready for another season of hookups, screaming, and bungee jumping. So let’s do this.

Best soundbite: Robin

Robin, who we all remember from The Real World: San Diego, has basically been on every Challenge since then. She has brown hair now, which is much more flattering, but her total crazy has not gone away. During the opening montage, where the Challengers start walking out and we get treated to clips of Days Of Yore where people yelled at each other about alliances, Robin voiceovers, “You couldn’t have picked a bigger group of assholes.” Oh, how right you are, my dear.

Best comeback: TJ Lavin

TJ, a BMX biker, has hosted the last couple of Challenges. He is usually kind of blah and reads off of cue cards a lot, but I love when he lays into people for sucking and/or quitting. Some of the Challengers recap how TJ was badly injured in an accident last year and they’re not sure how he’s doing healthwise. Then, surprise! TJ emerges, looking tired and somewhat puffy, but it’s nice to see him back up and at ‘em again. Everyone is genuinely happy to see him and claps, which is weird, because I forget that these people have any emotions other than “rage.”

Worst pairing: CT and Adam

Now, I love the idea of making these knuckleheads work with their rivals. That’s because most of the time the reason they hate each other is because they fought over a girl or cheated to win a challenge or something, but CT punched Adam in the face. Like, if a producer hadn’t been there CT would have kicked the shit out of Adam. I don’t think it’s a) cool that they keep letting CT come back considering he’s a loose cannon with rage issues, and b) okay for them to make Adam work with CT. Adam bugs me, but I still feel really bad for him.

Best pairing: Ev and Paula

Although Ev and Paula don’t really like each other, their beef is nonspecific and more about the alliance they were in than each other. Paula even voiceovers that she’s happy to have Ev as a partner because she’s such a strong competitor, and Ev – and her new hot pink highlights – are looking great right now. Ev’s not as enthusiastic, though – she points out that Paula never wins, which is true. There’s a lot of ego between the two of them, but I think Ev could help Paula be less of a sad sack and stop thinking the guys will help her. Honorary mention for best pairing goes to Robin and Aneesa – they might kill each other, but it will be really entertaining to watch.

Adam R punched Ty, not Leroy. Leroy actually tried to calm Adam down, probably because he didn’t want it to affect him negatively. Ty was the one talking in confessional how he should annoy all the guys into punching him so that they’d be sent home. I can’t stand Ty.