I have a number of health issues related to food. Some are food allergies that I've had for decades. And 6 years ago, I developed something else unrelated that 22 doctors now haven't been able to diagnose. I'm mentioning it here so that you know the backstory before I give you my advice. But in real life, I'm so sick of telling people about it because there has been no diagnosis and so I have to explain all my symptoms and I just get depressed and frustrated telling my tale of woe.

Therefore, I'm very brief and very vague and that tends to be working pretty well.

If I don't want to eat something I just say "Oh, thanks. I have health issues and can't have that. Thanks anyway." That's usually vague enough that polite people won't press me further.

However, the condescending folks in your examples would probably ask "Oh, what issues?" to which I'd reply "It's a long story. I don't feel like getting into it right now." And then I bean dip. And if they asked again, I would just say "Really. In mixed company, no one wants to hear about my issues" and then walk away.

For people who already know about my health issues, I have heard the "Oh, that's so hard. That's so sad for you. How incredibly frustrating."

If I think they're sincere, I just say "Yes. Yes it is." And then don't continue. But if I think they're putting me down to feel better about themselves, I just say "Mmmm." As in "Yeah. I heard you. I acknowledge that you said something to me." But all I say is "Mmmm" and look bored at them. Because I've heard it all before. And they're looking for a reaction. So I just looked really bored. That usually stops them.

For either type of person I'd say "It's not that big a deal. Technically I could eat some, but it would hurt me, so I choose not to." For the 2nd group you could add "Maybe I should add you to the list of things I avoid at meals since you seem to be trying to upset me, too. "

I like this.

The Gloaters would make me want to do a cake smash in their faces.

We have a niece who is gluten-free and an excellent cook. We also have a place around the corner that makes amazing gluten-free crepes, both sweet and savory. Based on Experiences with them and the variety of gluten free products available here, I don't think people who avoid gluten are missing out on very much.

To the first one, "Oh it's fine believe me. See, I am not suffering nor am I upset about it." and paste a big smile and turn away firmly. Seriously turn away and go back to desk, or if you are already at your desk, turn your chair or pick up your phone. That way they know the topic is over and done with and you don't need to hear them wangsting on your behalf.

As for the second one, they are being rude. Just say, "I trust you that they are delicious. Enjoy them!" and again turn away or turn your chair. Ending the conversation/gloating etc.

DH is gluten-sensitive and has removed most gluten from his diet. He hopes to go completely GF in March. He and DS are allergic to mango (which is in so many condiments!), even the smell of a mango can set them off into a reaction. I have just developed an allergy to peanuts, so I am now avoiding them.

We are good about controlling what comes into our home, what we cook, and what we eat. However, we can no longer trust MIL to remember these things, so if we want to eat with them, we cook everything and bring it over. MIL often has peanuts out, and I have to be careful that they don't touch my food, plates, silverware.

DH is gluten-sensitive and has removed most gluten from his diet. He hopes to go completely GF in March. He and DS are allergic to mango (which is in so many condiments!), even the smell of a mango can set them off into a reaction. I have just developed an allergy to peanuts, so I am now avoiding them.

We are good about controlling what comes into our home, what we cook, and what we eat. However, we can no longer trust MIL to remember these things, so if we want to eat with them, we cook everything and bring it over. MIL often has peanuts out, and I have to be careful that they don't touch my food, plates, silverware.

Are you telling OP not to eat anything anyone makes her? Just got a bit confused.

DH is gluten-sensitive and has removed most gluten from his diet. He hopes to go completely GF in March. He and DS are allergic to mango (which is in so many condiments!), even the smell of a mango can set them off into a reaction. I have just developed an allergy to peanuts, so I am now avoiding them.

We are good about controlling what comes into our home, what we cook, and what we eat. However, we can no longer trust MIL to remember these things, so if we want to eat with them, we cook everything and bring it over. MIL often has peanuts out, and I have to be careful that they don't touch my food, plates, silverware.

Are you telling OP not to eat anything anyone makes her? Just got a bit confused.

I totally get what she's saying. I have to be wary of things people bake for me (unless I am 100% positive they know what they are doing) because I have been accidentally poisoned by well meaning people who don't know how to bake GF.

DH is gluten-sensitive and has removed most gluten from his diet. He hopes to go completely GF in March. He and DS are allergic to mango (which is in so many condiments!), even the smell of a mango can set them off into a reaction. I have just developed an allergy to peanuts, so I am now avoiding them.

We are good about controlling what comes into our home, what we cook, and what we eat. However, we can no longer trust MIL to remember these things, so if we want to eat with them, we cook everything and bring it over. MIL often has peanuts out, and I have to be careful that they don't touch my food, plates, silverware.

Are you telling OP not to eat anything anyone makes her? Just got a bit confused.

I totally get what she's saying. I have to be wary of things people bake for me (unless I am 100% positive they know what they are doing) because I have been accidentally poisoned by well meaning people who don't know how to bake GF.

She answered that she wasn't telling the OP what I thought. Just that she can relate to her situation.

One of the things I've done with the over-sympathizers is say: "Well, the alternative is more dire. If I don't watch my carbs I run the risk of (insert list of problems). That would impact my life more than avoiding sugar and eating on time."

To the taunters: I'm glad you're enjoying it, but I'm not willing to turn into an irritable, thirsty, exhausted harridan just for a pastry.

As to why people do this? I think, on some level, it's foot-in-mouth disease. On another, lack of empathy.

I have food allergies. I have encountered all of the above. From the you "if you don't know it is in there it won't hurt you" people to the you don't know what you are missing folks. I am extremely careful of what I eat that I don't prepare myself, and if I can't read the ingredients, I just don't eat it no matter how much someone tells me it is safe. It only took 1 trip to the hospital to figure out that people are clueless that a peanut allergy encompasses peanut butter. For the you don't know what you are missing repeat offenders for how wonderful shellfish is, I say eeewwww, nasty crustaceans. For the are you sure it won't hurt you, I give the "an emergency trip to the hospital tends to ruin everyone's evening".

All that said, I had a salad at the cafeteria at work yesterday and I suspect there was cross contamination since I got violently ill within 20 minutes of eating it. This is the first time this has happened in years, who would think lettuce wouldn't be safe.

I have a good friend with an aluminum allergy, she gets the same symptoms as I get from peanuts if food touches aluminum foil to the point where fancy foil doilies under cakes makes the whole cake toxic to her. I know she gets a lot of funny looks because it is such an unbelievable thing to cause a problem.

What about a confused, "Are you trying to make me feel bad?" Them: NoYou still confused: Why are you doing that then?Them: It's a jokeYou still confused: Uh huhand turn back to what you were doing.

Or Them: yesYou: Silence, confused look, turn back to what you were doing

It's completely bizarre to me as well that any adult would find food intolerances so funny.

This. My favorite way to handle people who consistently say things that are nonsensical is to pose a question, although I use ones that don't have a yes or no answer. Then when they stammer out some sort of blah blah non-response, I say "Yes, I realize that, but what but I'm asking is why you're saying this to me". Lather, rinse, repeat.

2) The gloater: The ones who have to stand over me and say over and over "Wow, Auntie Mame, it's too bad you can't have any of this, it's sooooo gooood. But you can't eat it. Too bad, it's good. I mean really good." etc etc etc...

"How kind of you to say so."

Or maybe just stare at them, and say "Wow. I'm sure you don't realize how mean you sound right now."

I don't have any advice, but your second scenario scares me. My young son is allergic to dairy and eggs and so far it has all been good, and now I'm scared that one day one of his classmates will do that to him while eating something he can't eat and he'll decide to eat it and he'll have a reaction...not going there, for my own peace of mind.

That said, maybe I do have some advice. I think you should tell the people who do this, at a time where there is no food around, that you dont appreciate this, it is borderline harassment over a medical condition and you know that is not their intention, so you'd appreciate it if they'd stop. If they do the 'but I was just making a joke' you can answer that they may have been just joking but since they did it so badly you couldn't tell.

Logged

"The test of good manners is to be patient with bad ones" - Solomon ibn Gabirol

Is it possible that, because your gluten allergy doesn't bother you (emotionally, that is, I'm sure physically when it happens it bother the stuffings out of you!), that people think they can joke around with you?