From the SFK Files blog in SF. A parent wrote a satirical comment about the admissions process under a pretend name, “Catherine & Kent” . www.thesfkfiles.blogspot.com

Anonymous‬ said…

Dear Prospective Parent,

Congratulations on your decision to try to join the elite group of private parents. If you belong, you will be richly showered with offers. Here is a simple recipe for success: 1) Try to get to know the AD’s as intimately as possible. Find a proper social milieu and join them. Invite them to your country club for Ricards (with ice) or a proper gin martini. Find out what country club they attend. If you have friends at that club, get them to invite you to dinner or a round of golf. Sends glasses of pastis and mints to their table. 2) Choose only the elite schools. One or two Mickey Mouse institutions will suffice for backup. 3) Tour with grace and style. A colorful pashmina and a nice pair of Manolo Blahniks are always perfect for the lady. A nice seersucker and black oxfords are ideal for the man. 4) Be sure to pepper your conversation with the ADs with plenty of obscure intellectual references. I recommend the google for finding these little gems. During the tour be sure to mention the powerful people you know in the city and the various social outings you have with them. For example, tea with Charolotte Schultz, cocktails with Wilkes Bashford, duck hunting with Newsom, etc. 5) Always hold your chin up high. This one is self-explanatory and very important. ADs notice stuff like this. 6) Invite your AD to the club for Ricards (with ice). This is a repeat of #1 but very important. Can’t emphasize this one enough. 7) Downplay the play date with the AD. They will know by how you conduct yourself whether or not you belong. The play date is pure bunk. Good luck, but as I say, if you belong, all will fall into place.

Now that you’ve selected the private elementary school for your child (or they selected you), you’re probably shifting into the “what’s next” mode. Summer is a great time to meet new families before school begins. Most private schools some offer some or all of the following events to help families get acquainted before school starts:

Host Family “meet and greet”. Many schools ask a current family to host a new family for a lunch or other get together. You may be invited to join your “host family” for an event. This family has been asked by the school to host several new families who have kids who will be in the same class and are most likely the same gender. Note: we’ve heard all kinds of “host family” stories. Most of the families are really nice and welcoming. Our host family at The Willows organized a brunch at her house with homemade cinnamon rolls. A few host families never even bother to call the new family. Sometimes, they will call, but are “too busy” to get together. Others can be arrogant and aloof and unwelcoming. If anything like this happens to you, let the school know. The reason this happens is because new parents are too intimidated to tell the school so it continues year after year.

Picnics. Many schools have summer picnics for the entire school, including new families.

Social events. You may be invited to a variety of social events to welcome you to the school. Parties and other events are the school’s way of welcoming it’s new families.

Visit the classroom. Your new school may invite you and your child to visit the classroom and meet the teachers before school starts.

Playdates. Schools will send out a roster before the start of school. It’s a great idea to have a few playdates with other families before school starts. It will help your child recognize a friendly face the first day of school and it’s nice for you to meet other parents, especially if you don’t already know any incoming families. However, don’t feel insulted if some parents don’t respond. They may be out of town or have older siblings already at the school so they may not feel like a playdate is needed for their child.

Host your own event. Sometimes new families will host a pool party or other event for incoming families. If you do this, just make sure to invite everyone in your child’s class!

Plan your own event. Schedule a moms only get together like a hike or a lunch date. Dads can do the same thing. Again, just remember to invite all the moms or dads in your child’s class! And don’t be upset if some of the parents don’t respond.

We discuss what to expect your during your child’s first year at private elementary school in Beyond The Brochure if you want to know more about this topic.

Yesterday, a reader left the comment below under the post “Admissions Notes”. I’ve posted it because it illustrates the point we’ve made before: kids DO get accepted off wait-lists. Sometimes the wait-list call will even come over the summer. Here’s how it happens:

We paid our deposit and were very happy with the school where we were lucky enough to be accepted. Originally, it hadn’t been our first choice, but we were waitlisted at our first choice and quickly found happiness with our new school “home”.

Then the unexpected happened – we got the phone call offering us a spot off the waitlist at what had been our first choice. I have to say, even though this is supposedly a “good” problem to have, we were a mess. I couldn’t figure out what my gut was saying, and frankly, I couldn’t figure out if I even had one any more! My husband and I went round and round… I know I shouldn’t say it, but it was miserable.

In the end, we did decide to switch horses midstream, as it were, but it was an agonizing decision. We opted for the change and went with the school that had been our initial first choice ONLY because we thought it was going to be the best choice for our child. In the end that was our focus, and the thrust of our decision making.

I never realized how psychologically hard it was going to be to revisit the whole process again after what we affectionately call, “D-Day”.

Your wisdom has been very helpful and I have appreciated all your insight on this entire subject. Thank you!

A reader emailed us asking what to do about cutoff dates since her son’s birthday is Dec. 28. What should she do? She says many parents are torn about whether to hold their child back or move them ahead.

If your child has a late summer or fall birthday, you may be unsure what to do about private elementary school cutoff dates. If a school requires that your child turn 5 by Sept. 1 and your child turns 5 on August. 25th for example, your child would meet the cutoff requirements, but might be the youngest child in the class. If you decided to wait another year and have your child remain at preschool, your child would likely be one of the oldest in the class. In general, private elementary schools want kids to be close to 6 when they start kindergarten. My daughter turned 6 in late July and began kindergarten in Sept. She is one of the oldest in her class and that suits her. However, she’s notthe oldest and there are a group of students around her age.

Keep in mind that schools are not just considering your child’s kindergarten year, but their entire time at the school at every grade level. Schools are evaluating how well the child will do in first grade, second grade, etc. Private elementary schools definitely prefer kids in the older age range, hence the cutoff dates. Each school has its own requirements for cutoff dates. For example, Brentwood School requires the child turn 5 by July 1 to enter kindergarten.

There is some debate about “redshirting” or holding a child back if they have a late summer/fall birthday. My son entered DK (Pre-K) at The Willows School at age 4. He was the youngest in his class. We thought he was ready for DK and would be fine as the youngest in his class the ENTIRE way through elementary school. We also told the school that if he needed to repeat DK (if he was not ready to move on to K) we would be fine with that. You should also think about what it will be like for your child, as the youngest in the class, to be with kids a year or more older than him/her. Sometimes your child will be in a class with a child who has repeated a grade and is therefore more than a year older than yours.

With a Dec. 28th birthday, however, it’s not even close. This readers son misses the Sept. 1 cutoff date. Private schools RARELY make exceptions to their cutoff dates. Because, if they make an exception for one child, they would have to make exceptions for many others. Occasionally, parents will enroll their child in public kindergarten which has cutoff dates that allow children to enter kindergarten younger than private schools. They will then switch to private school and repeat kindergarten the following year.

These decisions depend on the maturity of your child, not just cutoff dates. Your child may meet a cutoff date, but really not be ready for kindergarten. Or, your child may just miss the cutoff and be ready. Your preschool director is usually a really good resource to help you make this decision. And, you know your child better than anyone. Trust your instincts.