Parenting Emotionally Intense, Spirited, Challenging Children.

The Girl – Intensity Revisited

While we waited for Pie to be born, we dreamed of a girl. But we got sweet as Pie and we were happy.

We were in the process of attempting to adopt one of 2 little girls when we were presented with Dervish. We said “What is meant to be will be” and we were happy.

Dervish was such a “handful” that we decided that our family was finished and so, like birth control, we did not apply to adopt another child.

In January of 2003 we received a phone call from our social worker. It wasn’t terribly unusual to hear from her. We had on occasion, spoken about open adoption to groups of prospective adoptive parents for her and so at first, I didn’t think much when I heard her voice on the phone that afternoon.

However, within a minute or two I realized there was something different about this phone call and asked her why she was calling.

She asked me if I was sitting down.

She started cautiously by telling me that one of my children had a sibling that they were placing for adoption. It was almost a guessing game as I tried to pry the information from her… in order, I learned that it was Dervish’s sibling, that the baby had been born in September and had been in foster care, had been premature but was doing well, was 5lbs even as we spoke and finally, I asked. Boy or a Girl and she replied “Are you sure you want to know”.

As it was, we had spoken in the fall and I told her at that time that we were not ready for another, if we would ever be ready for another and so, she did not want to give us more information than what we wanted, and knowing that we had wanted a girl, she knew it would make it very difficult to say no.

I told her that to make a decision, we needed all the information. A girl. The Girl.

I was told that she was easy to please and content but with a “bit” of a temper.

She left us to talk about it and let her know what we decided. Honestly, it was a rough couple of days but in the end, what is meant to be will be and we decided to adopt “The Girl”.

The next several weeks were torturous to us. We did not have a picture and we could not arrange a visit yet we knew we would soon be bringing home the Girl.

We busied ourselves with getting a room ready for her, preparing her brothers, making arrangements for work but it seemed like an endless wait until she could be made a crown ward.

Finally, almost a month after learning about her we went to meet her. It was love at first sight, any reservations her Father had been having instantly melted when he picked up 5 lbs of sweetness for the first time. It was very hard to leave her behind and go home.

Within no time we had a weekend sleepover party (not sure who slept, it wasn’t me and it wasn’t the Girl!) and then a few days later we took her to her discharge check up and brought her home. Life has not been normal since.

The Girl is as intense as her Dervish brother and has the same tempeament. A bit of a temper? ok. That was an understatement! She was mighty mouse with more attitude! (I’m laughing as I write this)

Today she is as strong willed and determined and as intense as her brother ever was and when the two of them go head to head watch out!

Earlier she lectured me about making her sad and advised me that I wasn’t coming to her party (what party?). She even listed every other family member as being invited… but not me.

I guess that’s ok. I don’t think I have enough energy to go to a party anyway!

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Congrats on starting your adtipoon process!! That is so exciting!! My oldest is now 12, so I will give you a few things I wish I has known along the way Newborns: Lack of sleep wrecks you in ways never thought possible! But it does end and is worth every minute of it.Toddlers: The terrible 2 s are a myth. 3 is when the terribles start.1st grade is when you get attitude, the rest is just funpre teen drama- bite your tongue and remember you were once 12 and thought you knew EVERYTHING as well.I also wish I knew how much drama and stress technology (txting, fb, etc) cause.Enjoy it. Even the hard times aren’t so bad. Just remember to laugh.