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Saturday, April 29, 2017

It's Snarkurday!

So, earlier this week, former Happy Days and Joanie Loves Chachi star,Erin Moran died and Chachi himself, _____-supporter and all-around ass, Scott Baio basically said she deserved to die of an ALLEGED heroin overdose, because she had a drug and alcohol problem her whole life.

Actually, the problem was Moran died from cancer, but that didn’t stop Chachi from acting like a dick, and a tiny one, according to Moran’s brother, Tony Moran.

But first, once Baio learned the truth of Moran’s death, he went on Twitter to whine about how the Fake Media is making him the bad guy because he never knew Moran had cancer. Um, Scott, then shut your pie-hole if you don’t know what you’re talking about, m’kay?

But Tony Moran wasn’t having it, and went off on Baio onTwitter and Facebook:

“A special shout out to Scott Baio. I already went on Twitter about you. I hope it finds you. You and my lil sis had a very very brief fling. She dumped you. 2 reasons. 1. She told me that you were more like a lil girl and not a man. 2. She told me that you were tiny. Ya know. Barely a man in the man region. True story! Scott, I'd advise you to get on your knees and pray you never run into me.”

I say good on Tony for defending his sister and yet, even though that was good, he wasn’t finished with Baio after Baio’s wife, Renee came for Tony:

“Well guys. Guess what? I was contacted by Scott Baio's wife. His wife! Fucking coward! I've never met her. I do know the scumbag piece of shit Scott Baio tho. He was a piece of shit back then and still is. He had his wife contact me! Very apologetic and shit. Doesn't surprise me. It's too late you motherfucking pieces of shit! Go back under the rock you crawled out from under. There isn't one word I want to hear you speak. Makes me sick to my stomach.”

Here’s the deal: maybe Tony went a bit too far, but Scott Baio, and his wife, need to think before they speak, and not slam someone who has just died, because Erin Moran had a husband and a family she left behind and they don’t need Scott Baio’s tiny-dicked opinions about her.

Blake Lively is a fashionista; I mean, she went to Cannes last year with her husband, Ryan Reynolds—the best fashion accessory ever—and was photographed posing nearly every single day, and sometimes more than once a day, in a new outfit.

And she reveled in it, Tweeting the pictures, Instagramming the pictures. But, now, all of the sudden, Blake Lively doesn’t want to talk fashion even though she has had more fashion contracts than most A-list models: she’s been the face of Chanel handbags, Gucci and Michael Kors, for example.

When she was honored at Variety’s Power of Women event—Blake Lively? Power? Um, no—for getting a non-profit some time at a big conference she used the red carpet, where women wear great clothes and talk about them, to complain about being asked about her outfit:

“Really?At this event, you’re asking me about my outfit? Seriously…would you ask a man that? I’m here so we…become more aware, and that we change, and that we build (women up). So, you can ask me another question.”

Had it been me asking the question, I would have been all:

“Um,okay ... why such a bitch, Blake? I mean, you’ve made a name for yourself by posing in fashion, being the face of fashion, and yet you don’t wanna talk about your fashion? Bye Felicia.”

So, former Spice Girl Mel B and soon-to-be ex-husband, Stephen Belafonte’s divorce is really, really ugly. She has a pill problem ... ALLEGEDLY; he’s abusive ... ALLEGEDLY; he cheated on her with the nanny and got her pregnant and made Mel pay for an abortion ... ALLEGEDLY; she used to drug the nanny and force her into threesomes.

Not so ALLEGEDLY?

Yup ... Lorraine Gilles, the aforementioned nanny, filed a defamation lawsuitagainst Mel claiming that Scary Spice used to get her drunk and seduce her into group sex with her and the husband. And, not to be outdone, Mel is counter-attacking that Stephen and Gilles are trying to blackmail her with sex tapes.

Gilles suit, though, is the best and dirtiest, because she claims to have had a sexual relationship with both Mel and Stephen over the last seven years.

Another high profile divorce getting dirty is that of Mary J. Blige and Kendu Isaac.

Mary married Kendu Isaacs in 2003 and they split last year, when Mary filed for divorce and asked the court todeny his bid—$110,000 a month—for spousal support.

Since the pair have no children, the fight naturally turns to the coins, and Mary claims Kendu already spent any money he should get on his mistress ... who just happens to be Mary’s protégé, someone called Starshell, a much younger woman whom Blige took under her wing.

It’s ironic, all these old movies getting a reboot; Bradley Cooper is remaking A Star Is Born with Lady Gaga and Mary J. Blige is reliving All About Eve at home.

You know you’re a drama queen when you have so much drama that it takes years to get through them all.

I’m looking at you, Aretha; Franklin, that is.

Aretha has finally gotten around to slamming her longtime rival Dionne Warwick for saying something nasty about her at Whitney Houston’s funeral ... five years ago. Best of all, Aretha slapped back at Dionne via a fax machine because the Queen don’t Twitter, text, or email.

The Associated Press spoke to Aretha on the phone after she sent them that fax to explain how furious, furious I tell ya, she was that, at Whitney’s funeral, Dionne tried to introduce Aretha to the funeral-goers but when she realized Aretha wasn’t there, Dionne said:

“‘Ree’s not here, but she is here. She loves Whitney as if she were born to her. She is her godmother.”

Aretha is mad because she is not Whitney’s godmother—that would be one Darlene Love—so why get her bloomers in a snit over that, especially a snit that boiled and bubbled for five years?

Aretha told the AP that she waited until now to say something because back then, there was too much drama going on, and so she waited, and plotted, and ate some pie. And then thought on it, and had some cake, and then put on a hat for Obama’s inauguration, and then thought on it some more until ... BAM ... it’s 2017 and she could tell the world:

“She blatantly lied on me … fully well knowing what she was doing."

And, in addition to waiting five years to spill the tea, Aretha is gonna wait even longer until she forgives Dionne. The two ran into one another at the Tribeca Film Festival premiere of theClive Davis documentary last week, and went all Bette and Joan on one another:

Dionne said, “Give me a hug.”

Aretha said, “Oh hell no. You couldn’t be serious.”

And lest anyone think all Dionne needs to do is apologize, do not hold your breath:

“I don’t care about her apology, at this point it isn’t about an apology, it’s about libel. We’ve never been friends and I don’t think that Dionne has ever liked me.”

When the AP asked Dionne’s rep for a response he said:

“She will not dignify a response to the statement made by Aretha Franklin.”

I’m torn ... I could go Team Aretha and share some chicken with her, or I could go Team Dionne because she just made a stupid mistake.

Plus, if I go Team Dionne, it’ll take Aretha about five years to come for me.

Almost two months have passed since Faye Dunaway’s frozen face screeched out the wrong film at the Oscars and she is still all kinds of bothered by it.

Faye did an interview withLester Holt to promoteher new movie,The Case for Christ, and she talked about the Best Picture mistake:

“It’s a moment I still have not recovered from. We had planned to come on stage, do some banter, see the film clips. Then Warren was supposed to open the envelope, and then for suspense, pass me the card to read the winner. We rehearsed the whole thing. What happened that night was Warren opened the envelope, took the card out and didn’t speak…I was trying to tell him, ‘Let’s get on with it.’ And I read the name of the film on the card. And it was the wrong name.”

Wait; you rehearsed that? Cuz the story coming from everyone else is that Faye and Warren scarcely spoke to one another at all, before, during, and after the debacle.

Faye adds that she felt “very guilty” and wonders why she didn’t seeEmma Stone’sname on the top of the card.

Really Faye? That makes you feel guilty? Not The Eyes of Laura Mars? Not Mommie Dearest? Not your new face?

Gosh, I was so on Team Caitlyn when she came out as transgender and then she started to speak and well, between the anti-marriage equality bull shiz and the _____ support, I quickly grew tired of her and her “Look at me!” antics. And those, apparently, are getting worse every day.

Caitlyn appeared on “Live with Kelly” this week and was, well, a Kardastrophe-esque-sized bitcunt.

Jenner, promoting her memoir, “The Secrets of My Life,” continuously cut off Kelly Ripa and guest co-host John Leguizamo. And, for some reason, she asked Kelly when she first identified as a female.

“Just think about that. When did you know you were a girl?”

Jenner then made Leguizamo her target, asking if he enjoyed dressing in drag in To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar.

Apparently she thinks she the poster gal for transgender people; she’s not. She’s a famewhoretrying to sell a book and make some coins because her “career” on reality TV is done.

Worse of all is that Caitlyn didn’t even let the hosts ask questions; she asked herself the questions, and then answered them ...

“I’m actually very excited to be here. Why? Because today, the 25th of April ... my book comes out and I don’t have a secret left in my life.”

Later on, Jenner again interrupted the hosts to whine about being snubbed by the program:

“I have been around for 40 years, from the old ‘Regis and Kathie Lee’ — Kathie Lee’s [Gifford] the godmother to some of my children — and all this kind of stuff. I’ve watched your show for years, I’ve seen you go through all this stuff, and I’ve never been asked to co-host.”