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humor

My highest commendations go to the person who got this personalized license plate through the Texas DMV approval process. I saw this license plate on the highway this morning, did a double take, and died laughing. Mercifully I ended up behind the car at a light after getting off the highway, so I was able to capture this beauty for you to laugh at as well.

BJ08S or BJOBS or BLOWJOBS, depending on if your mind is in the gutter or not

Backstory: OkCupid has a question that I’ve written about before: “While in the middle of the best lovemaking of your life, if your lover asked you to squeal like a dolphin, would you?”

So once while getting into bed for the first time with a man whom I met on OkCupid, we were making out and generally engaging in the type of activities that happen when two consenting adults decide they want to have sex with each other. He paused the activities, looked me in the eye, and said, “Don’t worry. I’m not going to ask you to squeal like a dolphin.” I cracked up. I was so grateful to him for bringing that little bit of humor into the bedroom to relieve the nervous tension that was there between us both. It lightened the mood and definitely increased the passion of the foreplay.

Once when I was having sex with a man on our first date, we reached the juncture where lube was needed. I grabbed my bag of lubes for our use. He took one look at it and said, “Wow. You have more types of lube than most people have kinds of booze in their liquor cabinets. I like you!”

(I only had five bottles of four different kinds… in that particular bag anyway! 🙂 )

(This is a random memory of a past lover. His name has been changed to protect his identity though he certainly isn’t innocent!)

I had just begun dating a new lover. We had only been out a few times, and we’d always ended up back at my place due to logistics. When an opportunity popped up for me to go over to his place for the evening, we decided to take advantage of it. He had only told me the largest intersection he lived near; he hadn’t given me an exact address yet because I hadn’t needed it.

As we texted in preparing for the date, I asked him if I could get the exact address where he lived. I told him that I could go to the big intersection near his house and stand there and call out, “Hey! Does anyone know where Mark lives? I want to go over to his place so he can fuck me in the ass.” However, I was convinced that I would suddenly meet a lot of guys named “Mark” at that point.

My lover agreed that not only would I meet a lot of men named Mark, but in his neighborhood, I would meet a lot of men named Marcos, too!

Thankfully, he gave me his exact address so I didn’t have to go stand in the intersection looking for him. I found his place easily, and he did an excellent job of fucking me in the ass. I’m guessing people at that nearby intersection probably got to hear my screams of pleasure when he did! 🙂

As I’m in my 40s and most of my men in recent years have been in their 40s and 50s, all of us have obviously gone through a lot of physical changes in our lives. I’ve shared pictures of my teens and twenties self with some of my more recent partners who were curious. I asked one of my partners to show me pictures of himself with hair since he was now bald and I couldn’t imagine what he looked like with hair. He absolutely refused because “it would be too embarrassing.” I’m still not sure of his logic on that one, but I wish he had been brave enough to show me what he looked like.

With another of my lovers, we were cuddled up talking in his bed after having had sex one day, and for some reason he pulled out pictures of himself when he was younger including a picture of himself in his wedding tux from over a decade before. (Yes, he was divorced when we were together.) His hair was a different color and vastly different style, his facial hair had changed completely, and his weight was different, too. He looked very different overall, but you could tell it was still him if you looked closely.

After looking at the picture of him in his tux ten years previously, I said to my lover, “He’s cute. I’d do him.”

With a bit of an annoyed but amused voice, my partner replied, “You just did! Twice!”