Question

How do I get my mother-in-law to stop using a nickname for my son?

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My mother-in-law insists on calling my son, Christopher III, 'Trey,' a Southern nickname for the third generation. I'm afraid that he'll get confused or even prefer the name Trey over his real name, and I hate the name Trey! My husband is very defensive of his mom, and I don't want to say anything to her that would hurt her feelings. What should I do?

Mom Answers

I have the same problem. My father has started calling my daughter Holland "Princess". Little Princess has begun to think that she really is a princess, and that she is the boss? I told him that I do not want my daughter called Princess. He agreed, so now she is back to Holland, but, oh well.

Tell your mother in law that you appreciatte her love for your son by giving a nickname of her own heritage and birthplace, but that you would prefer it that you call him Chris or Christopher. Tell her that Trey isn't the name that you chose for your baby, and you don't want your son called that.

I had the same problem with my father-in-law! I hated the nick name he wanted to give my daughter. I told him!!!!! After a few tense times he realized that I was serious and the mother. My husband just stood back and let me handle it. I told my father-in-law that he named his children and I would name mine. In the end he was okay with it. Some family members thought I was being stupid but, oh well!!!

I agree with the response that says you should talk to your husband again and have him mention it to your mother-in-law. If he is too chicken to mention it then you should take matters into your own hands and mention it yourself very politely. Ultimately, this issue will become a major issue between you and your husband if it does not get resolved. The child will grow up knowing that you resent that name and that could be whole other set of issues.

My mom immediately HATED the name we chose for our baby and calls whenever she thinks of another reason why. Some of her best excuses were, "Did you know that's the name of the abused wife on (name TV show she's never seen), do you really want your daughter to be associated with THAT?" and "Oh well, I'll just nickname her (name)." I reminded her that she'd never even seen the show, the strong female character was so impressive I bought the first 4 seasons on DVD and WE liked the name. Then, for the nickname, we said, "OK, so basically everybody except for Gramma will be able to remember her name."
She was also very insistent that if the baby was a boy, it should be a Junior. I finally put my foot down and told her she'd had three children of her own to name and she wasn't going to name her children vicariously through us! Fortunately, I've got a lot of backing on this, and not just by my husband!

I have been in the same situation! I simply told my husband that I do not like nicknames and I want my son called by his given name. He got a little defensive, but he must have brought it up to his mother because she uses his given name now. Why does it seem like it's always the in-laws who want to make up stupid nicknames? Is it a control thing?

I know the feeling, as well. My father-in-law calls my nephew anything but his real name and I am so hoping he won't do that to our child. To top that, we have chosen to keep the baby's name secret till he is born and my in-laws are furious over it. I wanted to keep it a secret, because I didn't want him thinking of all these nicknames before he even came out, although, I am pretty sure I won't be able to stop him from it. I read through the other responses, and if your in-laws are anything like mine, it's normally best if it comes from your husband. If I said anything, it would be considered harsh, but if my husband says it to them, they take things so much better. I would suggest talking to your husband again...making sure you aren't "complaining" or harsh with him, but speaking in a calm manner. And if worse comes to worse, it may be time to speak your mind...in a calm way. :)

If this nickname is really that much of a problem then say something to your mother-in-law. But I don't see why it is such a big problem. Families usually end up giving each other nicknames of one kind of another, it is just one of those things. Even the 1-syllable names in my family sometimes get changed. It is a bit OTT to suggest that calling a child something which is not on it's birth certificate is a slight against it's parents.

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