Red Shirt Guy

This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example, HOLY SHIT Falstad Wildhammer survived and in fact was the leader of Aerie Peak in vanilla WoW through Wrath of the Lich King!!!1

When one thinks of the world's greatest works of fiction, inevitably the classic World of Warcraft comes to mind. This beautifully crafted and intricate universe is deeply intertwined with our own, portraying societal issues like conjuring water from the ground, or killing wrinkly, short monsters with huge noses that carry gold with them. Cue WoW novice-researcher and Falstad Wildhammer's (if you don't know who that is you need to go read a book you ignorant fuck) number-one fan, Red Shirt Guy.

The story begins innocently enough at Blizzcon 2010 (think E3 but for even fatter and sweatier neckbeards), when our hero dares to challenge the glorious lore of World of Warcraft. When others simply dismissed the apparent loss of the great Falstad Wildhammer as his inevitable fate, a young WoW fan decided to ask the tough questions. He slowly approached the microphone to finally settle the fate of his hero Mr. Wildhammer with the panel participants, apparent creators of this universe.

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Falstad was going to be on the council of three hammers but in the beta it's Kurdran Wildhammer and Falstad is not in the game at all.

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—HOLY TITS it's a conspiracy

This massive plot hole was, no doubt, extremely embarrassing for the company. In a desperate attempt to avoid public ridicule (not to mention an exponential decline in share-value), the designers tried to gloss over their crippling humiliation by sarcastically thanking Red Shirt Guy and giving assurances that they would fix the incongruity. On the following day - when news of the event, predictably, went viral - share value plummeted, the company declared bankruptcy and Blizzard's entire staff got shitcanned.

In the aftermath of this debacle, Red Shirt Guy decided to give the world his version of events, and stunned onlookers with the revelation that he has Asperger's. ...And not a single fuck was given that day.

“

I have Asperger's

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—nooooooo shit

“

How does this guy have time to play WoW with all the pussy he's getting?

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—YouTube user's musings

“

It took him seventy three takes just to get him to sound like that...what a fuckin' retard