Child Behavior

Chores, Age-Appropriate

Planning Ahead to Prevent Future Problems

1. Refrain from nagging and reminding. If a job is forgotten, ask the kids to look at the chore list to check if everything is done.

2. If the kids forget to do a chore, use a sense of humor. One mother brought a pot of soup to the table and pretended to ladle the soup into imaginary bowls. The table setter for the evening suddenly realized he had forgotten his job and ran quickly to bring the bowls before the soup hit the table.

3. Use mutually agreed-upon nonverbal reminders if a chore is forgotten. Many kids like the signal of an upside-down plate at the table. When the plate is upside down, it reminds the kids that part of the routine needs to be completed before sitting down to eat.

Life Skills Children Can Learn

Children can learn that they are part of the family and people need their help. They're capable and skilled and can be useful, for themselves and others.

Parenting Pointers

1. Children aren't born with the competency to do jobs efficiently and quickly. As a matter of fact, it's usually more work to have them help. If, however, you send them out to play so you can zip through the housework, you teach children they're not really needed. Later you may complain that you have to do it all.

2. The extra effort it takes to involve and train children to help the family is worth it because they learn skills such as keeping commitments, planning ahead, following through, organizing their time, and juggling several tasks at a time.

Booster Thoughts

Three-year-old Kristin asked if she could help clean the house in preparation for company coming to dinner. Her mom asked if she would like to do the bathroom, and she said yes. Kristin took a can of cleanser and a cloth into the bathroom. When Kristin was finished, she said to her mom, "The bathroom is all cleaned up! I like helping you clean." Her mom got busy and forgot to check Kristin's work.

The guests used the bathroom several times during the evening without comment. After they left, Kristin's mom went into the bathroom. To her shock, she saw that Kristin had used an entire can of cleanser. There was white powder everywhere. Kristin's mom laughed to herself as she thought about what her guests might have been thinking when they took their turn in the bathroom. She realized Kristin needed more time for training in the use of cleanser.

1 For more information on motivating family members of all ages to help with chores, see Lynn Lott and Riki Intner, Chores Without Wars (Rocklin, CA: Prima Publishing, 1998.)

These articles are an excerpt from the book Positive Discipline A-Z by Jane Nelsen, Lynn Lott and H. Stephen Glenn. If you are interested in learning more about the book or authors, please visit