On the OWN Network’s television show Oprah’s Next ChapterOprah sang the praises of Robin Thicke: Doting father; loving husband. Born into privilege, the talented singer and songwriter was also for a time in his life a heavy cocaine user who a little less than a few years ago was arrested in New York for firing up in his car. The child of a popular Hollywood actor and songwriter-Mom, Oprah gave Thicke a proverbial pass for the lyrics of the 2013 song of the summer, “Blurred Lines”. The original video which sported three topless women was eventually edited with three women prancing around in flesh tone underwear under a plastic jumpsuit of sorts. Add Happy’s Pharrell and the ATL’s T.I. and you have 2013’s most memorable exploitation of women in a music video (maybe a close second to Nelly’s sliding a credit card down the crack of a woman’s azz; but I digress).

Where most Black male celebrities have to be damn near perfect, stellar and non-threatening to get a glimmer of praise (especially as she has branched out to talk to…RAPPERS!) it seemed that Robin Thicke’s saving grace was being married actress Paula Patton. The biracial woman (in America…that means BLACK) Patton and Thicke have been together since high school and recently announced their separation. A little shocking? Meh. No surprise? Exactly.

During Oprah’s interview Thicke mentioned the “parties” the couple sponsored after award events. Viewing a brief clip of the couple just before the festivities, Patton smiling devilishly helped one realize what type of party was poppin’ off (no pun intended…weeellll, maybe). Add rumors that the two had an open marriage, and a few pictures of White man behaving badly with other women and voila! Off to divorce court we go.

Well, I hate to see such a long standing relationship and marriage come to an end. And maybe Thicke received a “Black card” for being married to a bi-racial Black woman. Or maybe his ability to appeal to the so-called Black community and his being comfortable with the brothers and sisters was nice for a while. But for all intents and purposes Thicke possibly realized he was missing out on something that he took for granted: his White privilege. Maybe he woke up and decided it was better to be who he was and move forward with a woman who more fully understands that at the end of the day that I am a White Man with privileges that I will continue to miss out on married to a Black Woman.

Since my blog post of African American Men We Need You I felt the need to reflect on some of the conversations I have had with so-called Black/African American men; particularly those who claim that they are unable (and in some cases) unwilling to understand so-called Black/African American women. Married, partnered, divorced and/or estranged, there were some critical areas that no matter how much we dialogue, some were earnestly interested in engaging their ladies; yet most could care less, were ready to leave, and were adamant that their women should just “fall in line”. Thus, African American Men We Need You…Now.

1. We admire your high expectations for us. When we are less than stellar please refrain from isolating – it’s hurtful.

2. We are women; a man’s world if often closed to us. Please allow us in – it makes us feel special.

3. We value consistency; when we hear “I will try to do better” we believe you – it makes us feel loved.

4. We like our opinion to be considered; don’t shut us out – it makes us feel dismissed.

5. We talk; “shutting us down” or telling us to “shut up” is disrespectful – it makes us feel small.

6. We need big, long hugs and embraces often; the world hands our asses to us, too – it makes us feel supported.

7. We revel off of gratitude; “Thank You”, “Proud of You”, and “Great Job” – it makes us feel empowered.

8. We desire exclusive relationships – NO, we do not just want to have “fun” – it makes us feel like whores.

9. We look forward to cooking for you and catering to you – it makes us feel FEMININE!

10. WE LOOOOVE SEX!!! WE GIVE IT FREELY IN A COMMITTED, MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE…ESPECIALLY WHEN AFRICAN AMERICAN MEN WORK ON 1-9! WE ARE WILLING TO MEET YOU 100%!

Jason Collins of the Boston Celtics bears the distinction of being an openly gay professional athlete clothed in Black and Male. “Black Man” used as a term of strength and power coupled with gay may present to some as sort of an oxymoron. A bravado of masculinity in the professional athletic world seems to be valued at all cost regardless if it is irresponsible, brazen, hypersexual and/or hurtful. No worries, this is not a male-bashing forum; nor is it a gay-bashing diatribe. In fact, it’s not even an anti-professional athletes. Instead, it’s a thought piece focused on our reactions toward homosexuality when Black Masculinity yearns for pride: education, upward mobility, healthy manhood, fatherhood, and husband-hood (if you will); where stereotypes are diminished in search of being demolished. Essentially, the shining example of a BMW (Black Man Working) in a pinstripe suit saving the so-called “Strong Black Woman” from the doldrums of having to do it all will be a more palatable and visible image than sagging pants hanging on the corner up to no good (or assumed as such).

So Michael Jordan’s marriage to a much younger White woman should not come as a surprise. A number of Black male professional athletes were married to Black women, and later married White women (Bill Russell, Kareem Abdul Jabbar, Casey Jones, Scottie Pippen, etc.). Living in an America where same-color marriage was unwritten (and written) law, Black male professional athletes had the choice of marrying Black; or no one at all. Some will say it’s because these men were exposed to a new living and life that their Black wives didn’t and/or never will understand. Some will say that they believe White women are just better and less trouble. However, my belief is that loving a White woman was what they wanted in the first place. The national venue by which they played for was in agreement with the color politics of the land; and these men preferred to maintain their careers for the sake of their families – and themselves.

In other words, Jason Collins has a same-sex attraction and Michael Jordan has an attraction to White women. There, I said it! What does this say about Black Male Professional Athletes other than the fact there is a part of America that is allowing their preferences to be expressed in public; an exhaling if you will. Disagreeing with same sex attraction does not make you homophobic any more than agreeing with same-color marriages makes you racist. Simplistic as this sounds, your preferences make you and I human – and in 2013 this humanity has been extended to the Black Male Professional Athlete that does not get them labeled anti-masculine and anti Black woman. This is simply just who they are. Period.