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May 30, 2013

EXPERIENCES to Share.....

Hello to
Everyone.....

I am Upasana
Nayak, a WWS (Woman who Stutter). I belong to Bangalore SHG.

After
completion of B.Tech, I came to Bangalore with an aim that I will find a job in
MNC as a software engineer. I started
searching job with full enthusiasm but failed to get results as the way I want.
Then after 2-3 months I felt that my stammering is coming the way of finding
job, as I got rejected from many companies in the Group Discussion round or in
self introduction round, where they check one’s communication skill. I was in
the peak of my frustration, at that time I got to know about TISA and joined
Bangalore SHG, which was truly a GIFT for me. And I started Loving my life. And in the month of October I got job in a telecom company. And I am Happy and trying to grab the knowledge. Now I am going to share my First Job
Experience as a WWS.

When I was
Jobless, I was thinking that after getting a job, problem regarding stammering
will be removed up to 50%, as I will be engaged in something, and I will not
get time to worry about Stammering. But For A Stammer, the universal truth
other than death is stammering. And It is very good for him/her to understand
this as soon as possible, but I didn't And as Time is the Most Powerful thing,
so it always reminds me that You Are a Stammerer.

After 2 days
of Joining, when I had to create my Salary account, at that time the Bank guy
easily found out that I am a stammerer. He noticed me for few minutes, then
finally he asked me that Is it your first Job. I replied Yes. He told “Ohh, May
be for that reason You are so much excited.” I didn't understand what exactly
he wants to tell....!! Then he told so
politely “you know I WAS also a stammerer. I used to be a very shy guy who
stammers. Even now a day also I stuck in some words. I never thought that I
ever get a Job in Banking domain, where we have to interact so much with
customers. But I was never depressed for stammering. I was keep on Practicing.
I was keep on doing loud reading in front of mirror. I was keep on talking and
try to defeat my Fear. I got a job in a Bank. And some what I am achieving my
aim. So Just try to reduce your anxiety, you will be better in speaking..” Listening
all these things I thought why he is telling all these things to me...!! I was
trying to forget my Stammering, but why some one reminded me about this with a
piece of advice... On That full day I kept busy in my own thinking and try to
find out why he told me all these things...

Job was going
good... I stammered but I was doing my job properly. I didn’t go to SHG meeting
regularly as I have only Sunday as holiday and I am a true lover of sleeping
till late in the morning. So I missed morning meeting. Then after some days again one incident happened....

One day I was
returning at around 8.00 pm to home. And after 1st bus I didn’t get
2nd bus, so I thought to going by auto. I asked an auto whether that
will go to NIFT College. And as usual I got stuck near Nift. But I managed to ask.
He was staring me during my question, and then replied yes. Hearing a stammer
this type of reaction is common. So I didn’t think much and I sat on seat. Then
auto was started towards my home. I noticed that Auto Walla was continuously staring
me by back mirror. I didn’t understand the reason and ignored him. Then after some
time he asked me “Madam, Aap haklaate hai...??”(Madam, do you stammer??)

I shocked to
hearing this thing from an auto Walla. But then for a stammering this question
is very much common. So thinking this I replied him YES. Then again he told me
that try to eat Bat’s Meat. That will be helpful to remove Stammering. I
thought again a piece of advice for stammering...!! For shake of reply I asked
him that whether Bat’s Meat will be available near to my home or not. He told that
no not. It will be available at that Place (he told a place name), and he also
told that in the morning some people go to that place, I can order by them. I thought
I will never do all these things, so I kept quite and just replied him Ok, Fine
and Thank you for advice. After some time again he told me “madam aap ka shaadi
ho Gaya...!!!”(Madam, Are you married..?) This time I got completely shocked.
But I will be reached home with in few seconds, so I replied Him No. Then He
told that “Madam, don’t worry after marriage your stammering will be removed
completely...” I was keep on thinking that what is the relation between marriage
and stammering. He continued his talking that, one of his relatives was stammer
and after marriage she got recovered from stammering completely. In between his
talking my home was reached so I was paying him money and simultaneously he
kept on talking. Finally I paid him money and conversation was ended. I was
Happy that conversation was ended, but my thought process was rush. So many
things crossed my mind at that time. And coincidental thing is that, after 2-3
months I again came across with the same auto. I didn’t remember him, but He
remembered me and asked me “Aap wahi madam hai na jo Haklati hai..!!”(Are you
the same Madam, who does stammering?) My Reply was spontaneously Yes. But I was
got drenched in my unending thinking world. How can I be remembered by my stammering...!!!
Is it same for every other PWS or as I am a Woman who stammer, I am identified
so easily...!!!!

May be for stammering
all these experiences are normal. But for me it’s not at all normal. Because after
having a job, I made my mind that Stammering is not a topic to think. But by
these experiences I got to know that I have to accept it that I do stammer(might
be before these things I didn’t accept it COMPLETELY). And I can’t Hide it (I don’t
want to hide it), but I didn’t want to discuss about my stammering with anyone
without SHG members. And I proved wrong
that I can’t talk about stammering with anyone.

Irrespective
of everything (Male/Female), I can talk, and I have to talk. Because if you
forget (or pretend to forget) about your stammering then surrounding will definitely
make you remember about this. So before other’s suggestion, take initiative and
suggest to yourself for a better You... Because A Best You is with in yourself
and yet to be invented.

9 comments:

Thank you very much for sharing your experience . Yes it is true - "For A Stammer, the universal truth other than death isstammering either having job or unemployed , either married or single. And It is very good for him/her to understand this as soon aspossible, "and tell openly - don't surprise , if I stammer.

Yes, this is the only world we have.. If you live with courage and a little humor, you can make it a better place. So smile and carry on. Thank you for sharing your thoughts courageously and candidly. This would certainly help others..

"How can I be remembered by my stammering...!!! Is it same for every other PWS or as I am a Woman who stammer, I am identified so easily...!!!!"

1)Remembrance:In my case.no people don't remember me for my stammering..but they do for my stupidity..arrogance..humor..my sketches..my logics..my poetry..my sport..my ideas..my adventures..my misadventures..i have over the years added more layer to myself which kind of covers up my speech error..as long as i can communicate what i want to..people are content..

2) Identifiability : Yes i am certainly identifiable amongst normal speaker try what i may..and that does not bother me..

Contradictorily i aspire to be remembered as a pws who talks better sense and is identifiable from a group of normal speaker because of my other qualities..

You may go ahead and try the Bat..i am told its quite a delicacy ..who knows you might develop your Sonar skills..which might help you in your telecom field.. you would also learn to hunt in the nights...:)

Good post. A piece of advice for you.As you agreed yourself that you have not accepted your stammering fully this's the only issue with every stammerer.Nobody in this world apart from stammerers, understand our actual problems. All the people in India are very good advisers (to the others only) in all subjects. They will tell all nonsense advice which we have to simply ignore(of course without cursing them).

To practice acceptance in these situations,try this.Whenever somebody ask "Are you a stammerer". You just say "yes" and if they suggest any advice, you just say "ok". Do not talk or argue anymore with them.

During reading ur article i was feeling little offensive for that rickshaw-wala but finally i found the main thing from ur whole article.. that we never change the world but we accept the world means we can change our own negative perspective with our positive approach i like ur attitude and thought... hats off and u r Bravo.. !!!!!! :) :) and thank you for sharing this beautiful article.. it will surely bring happiness and colors to all PWS(WWS and MWS) life...

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What is TISA

TISA is an association of Indian people who stammer (IPWS). Its purpose is to collect and disseminate relevant, correct and unbiased information for people who stammer and their families, friends and society in general. It is promoting a self help group movement, where PWS learn to help each other and themselves in the ancient Indian spirit: “This Self is to be achieved through self effort!”

In order to become its member, you just have to participate in its activities- SHG, workshops, get-together etc. This blog has migrated to http://stammerindia.org/ - our main website.

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/IndianPWS/ is the chat group where we, the IPWS meet and discuss issues and plans, while this blog continues to be available as an archive. Personally identifiable information has therefore been suppressed wherever necessary or requested. Our intention is to reflect the diversity of this land and represent the Indian slant on the issues, opinions and perspectives related to stammering. Stammering and stuttering have been used in the same sense.