Here is a true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge
University.
It seems that during an examination one day a bright young student
popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The
following
dialog ensued:

Proctor: I beg your pardon?

Student: Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale.

Proctor: Sorry, no.

Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you
bring me Cakes and Ale.

At this point, the student produced a copy of the four hundred year old
Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect, and
pointed to the section which read (rough translation from the Latin):

"Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require Cakes and
Ale.''

Pepsi and hamburgers were judged the modern equivalent, and the student
sat there, writing his examination and happily slurping away.

Three weeks later the student was fined five pounds for not wearing a
sword to the examination.

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early. ------------------------------------------2. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.------------------------------------------3. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is. ------------------------------------------4. Bring cheerleaders. ------------------------------------------5. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?" ------------------------------------------6. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume at max level.------------------------------------------7. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative. ------------------------------------------8. Bring pets. ------------------------------------------9. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off. ------------------------------------------10. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.------------------------------------------11. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.------------------------------------------12. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals. ------------------------------------------13. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.------------------------------------------14. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.------------------------------------------15. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB, BABE, etc..).------------------------------------------16. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out. ------------------------------------------17. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!" ------------------------------------------18. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away. ------------------------------------------19. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam. ------------------------------------------20. Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said. ------------------------------------------21. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. ------------------------------------------22. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield. ------------------------------------------23. Bring cheat sheets FROM ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out, too) and staple them to the exam with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit." ------------------------------------------24. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.------------------------------------------25. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start. ------------------------------------------26. Try to get people in the room to do the wave. ------------------------------------------27. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.------------------------------------------28. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice. ------------------------------------------29. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.------------------------------------------30. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Their insight may surprise you.

Better to be safe than....................Punch a 5th graderStrike while the .........................Bug is closeIt's always darkest before............... Daylight Savings TimeNever underestimate the power of..........TermitesYou can lead a horse to water but........how?Don't bite the hand that................. looks dirtyNo news is................................impossibleA miss is as good as a...................Mr.You can't teach an old dog new............mathIf you lie down with dogs, you'll.........stink in the morningLove all, trust..........................meThe pen is mightier than the..............pigsAn idle mind is..........................The best way to relaxWhere there's smoke there's...............pollutionHappy the bride who.......................gets all the presentsA penny saved is..........................not muchTwo's company, three's....................the MusketeersDon't put off till tomorrow what..........you put on to go to bedLaugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and.......you have to blow your nose.None are so blind as......................Stevie WonderChildren should be seen and not...........spanked or groundedIf at first you don't succeed.............get new batteriesYou get out of something what you.........see pictured on the boxWhen the blind leadeth the blind..........get out of the way

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes", whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes", came the answer. "May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No".

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person

who should be there watching over the child. "Is there anyone there besides you?", the boss asked the child.

"Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman"?

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?, asked the boss.

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper", answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?", asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there"?

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "They're looking for me!"

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.

The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife

"Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take all that away. But... I must know, did he have a different father?"

...The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for moment and then confessed.

"Yes. Yes he did."

...The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks

"Who?.. Who was he? Who was the father?"

...Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband.