Dating Germans as an American

I had heard a few German girls say that they had no interest in dating a German man hey guys! what's up it's Kelly again and welcome back to my channel

for today's video I'm going to finally be answering a question that I actually get asked a lot which is what was it like for me as an American to date in Germany so first I just want to say right off the bat that I when I found out I was moving to Germany I had sort of decided that I didn't want to date German guys relationships are really hard they're they're hard and they're hard enough with dating someone who's from the same culture as you and who speaks the same primary language as you and the idea of dating someone from an entirely different country with all sorts of differences there it wasn't exactly the most appealing to me I of course by all means wanted to have friends and I do have friends from all different countries I think that there is so much value in that but in terms of like dating and trying to have like a long-term relationship with someone from a different country, I was just really hesitant about the idea and then also um I had some German friends before I ever even moved to Germany and I had heard a few German girls say that they had no interest in dating a German man which I found fascinating and to be fair I've also heard some German men while I was living in Germany as some German guys that I had met there say that they had no interest in dating any German women and guys like I've never heard someone from a country say that they didn't want to date someone else from their own country I've never heard a Romanian say they don't want to date a Romanian or an Italian say they don't want to date an Italian but I have heard multiple Germans say that they don't want to be another German and so that kind of made me a little like hesitant

I think like if German women don't even want to date men from their own country than like what what's going on there? if you have any comments that you want to chime in on by the way please do because I'm really truly fascinated by this whole idea and I'd love to try to understand it a little bit more anyway so when I got to Germany, I you know started to feel a little bit more comfortable there it started to feel more like home to me and I was like all right I I think I can date here I want to try this I would give it a shot so I'm a shy person and I don't really have the guts to just go up to a guy and start talking to him especially in Germany where I don't speak I don't speak German so I knew that the idea of me meeting someone face-to-face was not probably really going to work out for me so I decided to try an online dating app and this is like the first lesson that I had in what the dating culture in Germany is like versus the US so in the US, we have an app called tinder and if you're not familiar with tinder it's based on your location and it will match you with different people that are within the proximity that I think you would probably set and their profile will come up and you swipe left if you're not interested in them whether it's the way they look or what their profile says or whatever or you swipe right if you are interested in them and then if they swipe right on you too then you have a match and then you can start talking to each other and possibly meet up I never had tinder in the US and the reason why is because in the US, tinder is like it's a hook-up app I have friends that have been on it or are on it now I even follow a few social media accounts that kind of like poke fun at tinder one of them is called tinder nightmares on Instagram and it's just very apparent to me it's defined as being like a hook-up app in US culture so I never even considered getting on tinder when I was in Germany because I just assumed this is a hook-up app in the US and I didn't think that it would be viewed any differently in in Germany which is just kind of stupid looking back so I didn't get on tinder instead I got on an app called bumble and if you haven't heard of bumble it's a little more popular in the US or at least it is with with women because it's seen as like the classier version of tinder so it's the same whole you know based on proximity and matching swiping left swiping right but instead of either person being able to initiate a conversation the woman has to initiate and she has to initiate within 24 hours of the match and so you've got a time constraint where in tinder I've noticed that a few of my friends will just kind of like rack and stack their matches and I don't I don't know why I only reasonably assume that it's because kind of feels good to be like oh I've got like 25 matches on tinder whatever without any intent of it actually like talking to these people

so with bumble if you don't talk within 24 hours, they're gone okay so I got on bumble in Germany and I kind of noticed that it didn't really seem popular there weren't a lot of profiles on there at all and so instead of really thinking about maybe it's just this app I just kind of assumed maybe dating apps just aren't really a thing in Germany maybe Germans are better at meeting people in social situations compared to what Americans are because you know dating trends and yada yada so I stuck with it though and I matched with a few guys and I went on some dates and they were all kind of interesting experiences and as an American living in Germany and I don't speak German I was really I had this extra element of stress involved in going on a first date so of course I'm already nervous I'm meeting someone I don't know I don't know if I'm gonna have a good time I don't know if they're gonna enjoy their time with me and you know like all of that right I'm sure all of you who have been on a first date before you know what it's like and then the added stress of I can't speak the freaking language here so obviously I matched with people that could speak English so I knew that I was going to be able to communicate at least fairly well with the person I was meeting but like going to a restaurant I can't really communicate with the server I mean there are people in Germany and a lot of people speak English but I don't like to go into an establishment and assume someone speaks English and and I also carry this guilt of like not knowing the language of the country that I'm living in so first of all the menu is gonna be in German and yes there's great apps out there like Google Translate where you can actually like take a picture of the menu and it'll translate it on the screen for you which is great but I don't want to have to do that on a first date but at the same time I want to make sure that I'm ordering something that I actually like and there are restaurants that have English menus and so do I ask for an English menu do I ask him to ask for me for an English menu and you know just just think just think about it like if whatever languages you speak or if it's just one and you were to go to date in an entirely different language all of these factors are coming into play and like do i order for myself do i bumble through that with the server or will my date help me out and so with that in mind looking back I think it would have been better if I had just made me recommended to any guy that I was going to meet for a date to say like hey let's just grab a bottle of wine and like sit on the Rhine and talk because then you would completely eliminate all of that like additional I don't know a third party stress that I was kind of I don't know a little frustrating for me

so if you're a German guy watching this and you want to take an American out on a date or maybe someone who just doesn't speak German, consider taking them you know to the park to share a bottle wine or just to take a walk together or something that doesn't involve them having to communicate with someone in German I will also say that there were there were some interesting conversations on the dates so for for one, I remember going on a date with a guy where he talked about how he did he went on or dated I think for a while an American girl and he kind of like um made some comments that made it clear to me that he thought she was stupid and it kind of fed into this stereotype that I think a lot of people have that americans are just kind of oblivious and dumb and whatever and I get it I understand that we don't really definitely make great a great case for ourselves sometimes but I would maybe stay away from criticizing Americans on a first date it's kind of awkward just like I don't think I would ever talk badly about Germans on a first date with a German and similarly I would recommend staying away from hot-button issues like foreign policy for the US or our political system it can definitely get awkward and I don't really think that those are like first-date conversations you want to keep it light, you want to keep it fun and entertaining and I went on some dates where the conversations got kind of you know, like intense and actually the worst date I've ever been on in my life was in Germany with a German and just coincidence that he was German and I'm gonna make an entirely different video about that because it's it's it needs to be shared I would say that in the US, like first dates are supposed to be really fun and you talk about interesting topics that are that are you know very heavy but it seemed like it was kind of a really big difference in the dating culture between the two countries

and it it seems like it's more commonplace in the US for the man to pay for the date it's it's definitely preference based and you can't apply a rule across Germany or the us there are some guys in the us that feel very strongly about the fact that the man should pay and it's like this idea of chivalry and you know I asked you on a date and I should pay you know for the date and then there are some guys that feel very strongly against the man paying

like no you know like the idea of like going on a first date is that perhaps you will continue dating and setting this idea that you're equal partners bringing equal you know contributions into the relationship or like hey I'm not paying you for your time which is an interesting conversation to have so in Germany I think that it's more common for the bill to be split but it's definitely not like a rule of thumb and or a generalization and so definitely another thing you kind of have to feel out and the best advice that I would give so the thing about YouTube is I don't really know who I'm talking to right now so the best advice that I would give to an Ameri

well anyone going on a date with anyone from another background or culture is to understand that you are bringing preconceived notions with you to the table whether or not you realize it there are stereotypes in the back your mind there are ideas or expectations that you have that you're bringing with you on this date and you have to do your best to try to just push them out and understand that you cannot apply a very general statement or stereotype about an entire culture or country or group of people and apply it to that specific individual like it's it's really just not fair I would never want someone to come on a date with me or even meet me like if my boyfriend is introducing me to some of his German friends I would never want them to look at me and and at through a lens of like the American stereotype which i think is extremely challenging to try to avoid but I really think you have to do it to be able to like successfully date in another country just try to push it out and learn about this individual that's in front of you without all of the background noise about their country alright guys that's all I've got for you! if you have any interesting comments or stories or anecdotes that you want to share about what it's like for you to be dating in Germany or or whatever please write it below I think this is like a really interesting topic if you like this video give it a thumbs up! subscribe to my channel if you haven't already

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