Is This Really Happening?

Often this whole journey feels unreal. Do I really have cancer? Just some months ago I was fine.

This day is also significant as 15 years ago at 11pm I had to have a emergency appendectomy and at that time that felt surreal as it was my very first operation. It was a bad experience with young extremely nervous medical officers working on me. Later on my family doctor looked at my stitches and said they butchered me. I had a horrible reaction to the anaesthesia and couldn’t breathe. I was in terrible pain. Thank goodness for morphine. Since then I’ve been petrified of operations. I hate the idea of going under GA and loosing control. I thought it was to be my only operation, but alas, fast forward 15 years.

What an eventful 2016 with not one but 2 operations, 3 procedures under sedation, countless CT scans (with awful contrast dye injected into you), ultrasounds and x-rays. And 3 separate hospitalization stays. I’m praying no more. The first one was 5 days, the second a day and the third which was supposed to be a day extended like a jail term to 13 days. It was a nightmare and I felt so claustrophobic. Seriously dejected as each day I thought I would be discharged the next. After a few days I stopped having hope and that’s the worse kind of feeling. The day I was released tears just flowed down my face on the way back, from extreme relief and built up feelings of utter dejection I felt over those two weeks.

What made it all easier were visits from loved ones who provided much needed distraction.

2 Responses to Is This Really Happening?

Whether you start a new blog or continue with this one, it doesn’t matter to me. I’ e always enjoyed your words. Thank you so much for sharing this journey. These words in your latest posts from the heart wouldn’t have been easy to write. To a good weekend for ya!