Friday, September 30, 2005

Just let it go Man!

When it comes to my family, my therapist, and some of my close friends, an ever running motif coming from them is the phrase ,"Just let it go man", in my direction. Don't get it wrong now, if you are a friend of mine or part of my family I find it easy to let things go because of my love and respect for them. But anyone else, if they spite me in any way, I have always found it difficult to let things slide, even as a kid. I have found myself being the bigger man and walking away from an asshole who talked shit one time, only to see him a week later, mumbling to myself, "I hope that motherfucker doesn't take my kindness for a weakness. I should go over there and punch him in his face just on General Principle." Yeah, it's that bad. But recently I've discovered that "Letting shit go" isn't only exclusive to someone being disrespectful to me, sometimes its hard to let go of some embarrassing situation that I put myself in the middle of. Here are a few examples.

Watch what you say: A few months ago I wrote about a day that I had in court, and the guy who I was summoned to court with named Brian.(I said then, and I still mean it, that I want to desperately penetrate his girlfriend in the worst way.) Anyway, a few weeks ago I am with a group of guys celebrating a friend of mines divorce from a woman, that I affectionately named, "Satan". While I am there I become so drunk that I start break-dancing on the dance floor, mistakenly tell a friend of mine that I slept with his sister once, and a few other things that are now a blur to me. One thing I do remember is seeing Brian, and his girlfriend that he has no business being with. The next day I recall speaking to them, I just forgot what we talked about exactly. "I hope I didn't say some foul shit to them" I thought, hoping that the alcohol that I had ingested didn't alter my decision making skills. The other day I see them at a pool hall that my friend Danny and are are at, so I decide to go up to them and speak. By the smile on his face as I approached them, I knew that I didn't say any foul shit to them a few weeks earlier, but I figured I would still find out just to be sure.

I gave him a handshake, said whats up, and said laughing, "Damn man, the last time I saw you I was fucked up, hope I didn't say any foul shit to you." This motherfucker, I guess because his girl was standing right beside him said, "No homey you didn't, plus you know better anyway because I would have handled you." I was in a weird predicament, because we are supposed to be cool, so I just let out a nervous giggle and walked back to my pool table. The next few minutes his comments grow inside me with bad intentions, like a cancerous tumor, thinking about how he tried to play me in front of his girl. Danny, my dear friend said, "Just let it go man!", a phrase I have heard too often. It got to the point that I went over to his table and asked him, "What exactly do you mean when you say that you would have "handled me", huh?" As he gave me a strong look, like he was about to say some slick shit, I bent over and whispered in his ear, "If I was you I would chose my words wisely and economically, you wouldn't want me to break your fucking jaw in front of your girl and all." His posture changed, and said "Naw dude, I was just fucking with you" and gave me a pound. I gave him a "whatever you say motherfucker" look and walked back to my table. Danny, always the one to break the tension with a silly retort said, "Gee HumanityCritic, what a great way to break the "angry black man" stereotype".

Next Door Neighbor: I have been trying my hardest to mend the tension between myself and my next door neighbors. Yes they are a pain in the ass, yes they constantly cut 4-5 lines into my property, yes the wife's hairstyling salon in their garage is a goddamn nuisance, but I thought I would play nice despite that. The husband and myself have chatted a few times recently, we got back on the right foot I guess you can say. That was until the day I drove by his house and waived to him out of my car window. This motherfucker gave me a uber fast hand waive as to signify he was saying "Whatever motherfucker, beat it!" I figured maybe he was having a bad day, I wasn't getting mad yet. Later on that day I went to run some errands, came back and waived at him once again to see what he would do. This jackass did the exact same thing, only this time with more of a disgusted attitude. "That motherfucker is lucky that I don't go over there and beat him over the head with his daughters wagon!" I thought, fuming at the disrespect. The next week or so was spent feeling disrespected in the worst way, thinking spiteful shit like the 32 year old baby that I am. The other day when he approached me I gave him a "What in the fuck do you want" look on my face. I was pretty embarrassed when he said, "Sorry that I was quick with you the other day, I was in a argument with my hateful, bitter ass mother-in-law. My fault man." In a supreme act of hypocrisy, I shook his hand and said, "Man, I didn't even notice. It's OK." I am shameful.

Childhood Bully: When I was a kid, maybe 6 or 7, there was a kid that tormented me named Tyrone. He must have been 15 or so at the time, and he was extremely cruel to me, smacking me in the face and making my life a complete nightmare. Come to think about it, I honestly feel that Tyrone was the last person who I was physically afraid of. As time moved on he moved out of my neighborhood, and by the time I learned how to fight back Tyrone's whereabouts were unknown. But I have always remembered how he made me feel, and I had like a "Kung-fu movie" vow to beat his natural black ass if we ever crossed paths again. Well, we crossed paths a few months ago. I have a friend who is a real estate agent who invited me to a party she was throwing with some other people in her field.(Let me tell you, real estate agents really know how to party) Anyway, one of the guys she works with is named Tyrone who turns out to be a really nice guy. As we are chatting it up, and we figure out that we lived in the same neighborhood at the same time, I finally realize that this is the motherfucker who beat my ass as a kid. This was the imbecile who I had been thinking about all my life, the guy that I have been on a sort of a David Carradine "Kung-fu-walking the earth" type of quest trying to find. When I asked him if he remembered me, he didn't. I pressed him if he remembered bullying me, again he had no recollection. I so wanted him to be an asshole so I could lay his ass out, lay his ass out for the adult I am who has anger issues and just wanted to hit an asshole, and hit him for that scared 7 year old who was terrified on a daily basis because of his bullying tactics. But the guy was so nice and kind, my pugilistic fantasies would not see the light of day. I secretly hope I see him again and he says some slick shit, but that's just me. I know, "Just let it go man", I agree.

A Tale of 2 Blog Trolls: I was telling Brother Omi the other day that the thing I hate about the Internet is the anonymity, not being about to kick someone in the mouth when they say some dumb shit to you is rather frustrating. The first blog troll has been drinking 40 0z's of "Haterade" from day one, telling people not to comment on my blog,(some actually did stop by the way), telling other bloggers that I know some foul shit about yours truly, a whole bunch of shit. The only reason that I didn't call this bastard out was because I never had any concrete evidence, so if I called him out he could just throw up his arms and say, "Huh? What are you talking about?", then I look like the asshole. I know that it is only the Internet, and I should have really let this one go, but I actually considered the following devious plot: Plot:Befriend said troll for X amount of time./ Get them to thinking that you are buddies and all, make it seem real./ Try to get them to attend one of the "blogger meet-ups"/ Go to said meet up, and, Beat-the-black-off-his ass/end of plot/ I know, it seems childish, that's why I didn't go through with it.

Let me tell you, I thank all of you who voted for me last month, I sincerly appreciate it. That being said, I'm not rich from it or think highly of myself, but the hate I have gotten the last month is amazing let me tell you. The next Troll was a person who had issues with my commenting practices, she tried to convey that I only commented on people's blogs just to garner votes for the blackweblogawards. I didn't really understand that misguided ideology because even if that were the case, the person in question would still have to like what they read in order to vote, fucking dumbass. So the other day I went to the blogroll of the blackweblogawards and she was one of the nominees, so her "hatred" was indeed orchestrated and a bit of sour grapes I guess. I was going to call her ass out, but then I didn't want to give her blog any publicity(Who wants to read about vagina rashes anyway?) But who knows, I might try to befriend her and invite her to a meet-up, I am sure my girl Suzy would be willing to knock her ass out. I'm kidding, I'm kidding!! I know I need to let shit go, geez!! I would just let Suzy tap that jaw a bit, not knock her out, then I would pour beer on her. But that's it, I promise! I know, "Just let it go man", I know.

48 comments:

I am so mad that grown folks are not only hating on your blog...but are on some 3rd grade "don't be his friend" type of level. Whatever man...keep it up. I bet you, whoever it is...still reads your blog daily.

I am glad to hear that you are talking through your anger issues rather than simply acting out on them (from the sage advice of your therapist). I would encourage you to continue along this path of letting things go. Since when we do not, we allow others to control our actions, behaviors, and emotions. I know it's cliched, but it still has a grain of truth.

BTW, I am not feeling either one of those bloggers and a few others because of their juvenile attempts at displaying their "3rd grade" antics. Anyway, thanks for letting those of us who aren't official bloggers comment.

It took me a really long time to learn how to let certain things go, and I still struggle with it from time to time. But, in hindsight, I can see that I could have avoided a lot of unneeded stress, and stress caused to others, if I had simply kept my mouth shut once in a while. I used to run my mouth to my sister every time I would hear her say something out of line to my mother, and instead of my mother being greatful for the "back-up", she would get angry because things would blow up into a huge argument between me and my sister, sometimes turning light-weight physical. So, now, I do my best to bite my tongue and let my mom do the mothering, but there are still times I have to speak up and put my sister in check just so she does not think I have gotten soft in my old age...lol

And HC, you can go ahead and quit having naughty fantasies about me and my sister cat fighting right now! LOL

My ode to assholes on the net is "F@UCK EM"!!!oH & IF i WERE U i WOULD HAVE SUZY WHOOP DAT TRICK..LMBAO! It really amazes me how ppl realy have no business.. when it gets to the point where u have to start harrassing ppl out of jelousy on the net & even worse via blog.. just go shoot urself.. Happy friday all!

well, those 3rd grade practicers just, amuse me...i guess they are just poor little fellas who have no real life except for the net. and, yheah, you gotta sort of protect your um. whatever, i mean, whatever...lol

Old boy came back to my blog and responded to my irnoical answer to his spamming and actually thought he could write sweet bullshit, as if we were buddies, damn. i was making fun of him, damn, he didn't get it. and hell, if you need to make such a fuzz, have a damn blog or whatever people can refer to, to see who you are! whats the fucking sense of it otherwise?

well....honestly, HC, i think you didn't only comment on other blogs to promote the blackblogawardthing, but to promote your blog in general. thats how you got me, your first comment on my other blog was surely one that was just there to catch me...(you know that kind of 'wow thats a cool blog' shit, where you actually don't refer at all to the post and stuff..))...:) - and you got me, and i am happy about it, otherwise i wouldn't drop my comments here, right?and it doesn't mean you don't read blogs at all or aren't interested at all, because i ve seen other comments of you in the mean time....and what in the fuck is wrong with promoting anyways?thats all full of hypocrisy....

Ummm.... although I am often heard telling people "let it go" and "It's not that serious" there are some things that I just can't let go, especially if it involves someone cutting me off in traffic... ha! I have severe road rage because cutting me off "is that serious".

I have to co-sign on that blog troll portion.I get e-mails and comments all the time from people that seem to make it their agenda to f up my day.I will co-host that blogger party and help whoop the females if you whoop the men..we'll split the kids..let's call it a "meet and beat".We WINNERS have to stick together.

I have to add that I am personally offended by the statement you said about vagina rashes..not because I'm a woman but because I myself have a rash and it's not funny...lololThis blog is fun.

HC - love that post man. Just wondering, what do you do for a living and can you post about it? You've covered every single topic out there, but you never seem to talk about your job or any work related incidents. I'm sure you can come up with something hilarious/violent/enjoyable to read.

Sounds like you are doing a great job of letting it go. I mean you didn't hit any of those people. So it's a step in the right direction.

BTW: I don't comment often on your blog but I did vote for you... BEFORE you commented on my blog, I might add. I love your writing and you are so deep in talent you deserve every award you got and then some. Keep it up!

Hey there! It's been a while and I decided to check in...boy, am I glad I did! You know you had me rollin'. Congratulations... (I'm tryin' to get back on the proverbial "saddle" with my blogging-wish me luck;) )

I got bullied some too when I was a kid. There was this particular ass hole called Lorenzo that especially used to pick on me. He was a year older and skinny, but he was about a foot taller than me. One day, he was messing with me and I called him a low down bastard to his face and he proceeded to give me an extra special in front of all the kids in my school class. I tried to fight back, but he was just too big. Finally, the teacher broke it up. Funny thing, after that day, all the kids started calling him "Lo" like it was a cool nickname or something. He actually seemed to like his nickname and from then on, all the way through high school, he was "Lo". I really hated that son of a bitch! I used to fanaticize so many ways that I wanted to kick his ass, but I never did. He was still always bigger and he hung out with a gang of thugs most of the time. After high school, I didn't hear anything about him for about 10 years. Then I ran into an old acquaintance one day and we got to talking about some of the fools that we went to school with. At some point, I mentioned that I hoped that "Low Down" had died in some gutter. The guy actually had some news about my hated nemesis. Lorenzo had moved to Detroit and become an auto worker. However, he had become fat as hell, weighing in at over 400 pounds, and was living on disability! I laughed hard, realizing that there is some justice in the world, and suddenly, it seemed that years of hatred washed out of me.

As a tempestuous person myself... I had to learn how to choose my battles and let some stuff go. Letting go suuuure is hard, but it feels good not to acknowledge the stupidity of others. It's becoming increasingly easy for me, however, because every person who sucks their teeth at me, stares at me out the corners of their eyes, or judges me via the 'net or in person, I regard as my fans.That always works.You know how wishy-washy fans can be when you have some measure of celebrity... tee hee.

Nice post as always, funny shit, to bad you couldn't call those faggots out. Check out the blog when you get the chance you may like one of the new posts I have with my version of the best emcees, peace.

"Letting shit go"...I've had to learn about that, too. About that Internet anonymity thing as well. Especially, lately...I got a book coming out, and some of the "reviews" I've seen have been comical--and, of course, anonymous LOL...so there's not much you can do about it, some peeps like ya stuff, some peeps don't get it...whatever, live and work and learn...

But, yo man, been liking your blog here a lot. Fuck the haters, some people can't deal with the real, and that's what you got going here, real, honest, throrough writing and thinking. Keep up the good work. Be cool...SPB

HC, I can understand you about Tyrone, people don't forget traumatizing experiences of their childhood. That's human. Let me tell you, the first time I've been victim of racism I wasn't even 8. It was a white woman at my school. Over 13 years later, find out she the new neighbor of close friends of mine. I thought I had turned the page but when I saw the bitch I was mad as hell and wanted to beat the shit out of her! But I had to let things go, but I know I'll never forget.

Letting things go or forgiving doesn't mean you FORGET, it means you choose not to let fuckers affect you anymore. It's hard to do when you know you've been treated unfairly and with disrespect and didn't do anything to deserve this. But I've learnt that holding grudges affects you more than anyone else. Emotionally and mentally, it's not healthy. I know it's easier said than done though, you constantly have to work on yourself. And I believe in karma.

question- what is it in you that makes other men want to beat the sh*t out of you? Is there something that you're doing that makes people think that you're a punk? I ask this because most men I know don't pick fights with swole n*ggas- or even smaller ones-just the ones they think can't handle their own.

yeah... I'll transform myself into one of those "vaginas" that post anonymously (lest I'm accused of commenting provocatively to drive traffic to my blog!) and yes I can say n*gga as I am of that persuasion... and no this is not hating- just asking is all.

"question- what is it in you that makes other men want to beat the sh*t out of you?"

I guess it is a weird fetish to get their ass beat I guess. You would have to ask them.

"Is there something that you're doing that makes people think that you're a punk?"

Like posting anonymously? But really, another question I can't really answer. I guess you can tell me face to face if you ever decide to come out of anonymous and we attend a "blogger meet-up" together.

"I ask this because most men I know don't pick fights with swole n*ggas- or even smaller ones-just the ones they think can't handle their own."

Well that is the men that "you know". Drag queens aside, I usually don't pick fights, I just respond to bullshit spewed in my direction.

"yeah... I'll transform myself into one of those "vaginas" that post anonymously (lest I'm accused of commenting provocatively to drive traffic to my blog!)"

So you are admitting that you indeed have a blog but are only bitching because doing so anonymously is "less pussy"? What kind of limp-wristed shit is that. Plus, I never understand the argument "but you are commenting to drive traffic to youe blog!!", so fucking what? At the end of the day people's blog that you comment on still have to like what they read when they come back to yours. It's all about having a good product my friend, don't be mad that people come back to your blog and feel like many of my lovers, unsatisfied.

"and yes I can say n*gga as I am of that persuasion..."

To even point that out is just dumb.

"and no this is not hating- just asking is all."

Asking me if there was something about me that makes people think I'm a punk was passive aggressive disrespect, don't be like "I'm not hating".

I faithfully read your blogs daily. I think its the funniest shit in the world. Even get a sidetracked when you don't post. I am going to risk getting shot at when I post my comment.... but I can't wait till all these interesting stories are a part of your past. Stress is huge threat to African Americans. You are more than just entertaining. Take care of yourself.

i got letting go issues too. there is this prefect who f'ed with me when i was just starting high school and i've wanted to beat him down something serious for the longest. even though he's now supremely gay I still want to kick his ass for picking on me when he was trying to be the man an picking on me when he was like 17 and i was like 12, i've had dreams of kicking his ass. oh man you dont know ..or maybe you do. oh man this post brought back those kicking ass thoughts damn!

man....lol...you got some problems....i'm trying to think...i think either you came to my blog a few times before i actually checked yours out, or maybe i came across your blog then commented then you came by mine...but that was almost a year ago i think...but anyways, i read ya blogs sometimes, and comment sometimes...sometimes their interesting to me, sometimes they're not, or they seem kinda long (but i can't talk cuz mine are too, especially my second to last one, i talk too much) but i like your blog, it's funny something different every time...but yea you need to let some stuff wrong..lol some of these scenarios look seem like something that couldve been on Dave Chappells' "when keeping it real goes wrong"...but you decided to let it go, which is good...as for grown folks hating..that's ridiculous...you would think folks would let that ish go after h.s, but you'd be surprised....my mama works at a factory, and she's 42, now there's women older than her, int heir late 40's and early 50's that be talking about her...like my mama is really nice, and she's friendly, speaks to everyone, and she's very pretty, but they just dont like her, so they sit up and talk about her, give her a hard time...she be wanting to cuss them out or something, but she refuses to stoop to their level...but i'm like "dang mama why are these ladies like 50 years old doing that?" hating at 50? that's a dang on shame...it's sad...heck i wanna know who them trolls are! *nosey* but yea, i think like the person above me said that commented, i let alot of stuff go too..and it builds up...i'm too nice sometimes and let stuff just ride...but i be wanting someone to say the wrong thing so i can relase alt hat anger on them...but i just hold it in...anyways, i starting to think my comment isnt making sense and it's getting too long, so i'ma stop here, :-) keep blogging and Ef them haters!

I havent been in in awhile...so wanted to come by and say hello...I was tempted to say something provocative like..."HC meet me by the back door I'mma kick yo a$$, swolt n$%ga!" (insert gritting teef) just to get your attention...but I will just smile and wave...hope all is well in your world...(u know I am playing right?) *sweatin' & stuff*...keep up the good work...