Holidays after divorce: how to survive and enjoy them

Family holidays are always a special time. Whether it's Blackpool, Benidorm or Barbados there are fond (or in some cases not so fond) memories of times together. Divorce can change all that.

The first holiday in your new life after divorce can be a major milestone as it tends to heighten the feeling of loss for the good times past and rekindle those destructive emotions of fear and dread. Planning a holiday either on your own or with children brings back all those memories of leafing through holiday brochures or huddled over the computer arguing about the relative merits of Spain, Greece or Turkey. Now it's just up to you.

Holidays with children Perhaps the most important post divorce advice for those planning their first holiday is that it should not be a competition with your former spouse to see who can impress the children the most. If the children are lucky enough to have a holiday with both parents (and you are both lucky enough to have enough money left after the divorce) then this is often a powerful temptation. Resist it.

The best plan is not to try and replicate past holidays, "It's going to be as good as the best family holiday ever but without mummy/daddy." It will not work. It's never going to be the same, so make a conscious decision to make it different.

If you can afford to go somewhere they actually have properly organised and thought out activities for children and teenagers that's the best idea by far. Creating new ways of celebrating holiday times by doing new things in new places will go a long way to mark this change in their lives and make holidays good again.

Holidays going solo Not since those heady days of your last Club 18-30 holiday has there been so much potential awaiting you on some sun drenched Mediterranean shore. Be careful, things have moved on. Marriage and divorce are life changing experiences; you may not be quite the man or woman that you were.

Your early life after divorce is a vulnerable time and taking your revenge upon your former spouse by sleeping with half the population of Birmingham is probably not a good way to go.

Take it slowly, choose a holiday where there are things to do other than lie beside the pool with an airport novel, a fixed smile and a lot of unfilled expectations. Taking a holiday with a company that specialises in singles travel will help avoid this and who knows maybe you will meet somebody to light up your life after divorce.