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A Word on Mum

Judgement

I virtually high-fived the fish-fingered maws that were involved in the recent #solidaritea campaign after an article condemned modern mums for what they put on the kid’s dinner table.

Yay, I thought, and shouted a resounding toddler ‘No’ to mum judgement!

It's not you it's me…

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However, this weekend, after a particularly trying time with my bonkers, boundary-pushing tot I realised something. It’s not actually other mums, or other people that are doing the judging that bothers me the most as a parent. It’s me.

There, I’ve said it. I’m a mum and I judge; except I’m not judging you and your ability to parent, in fact I probably think you’re ace and doing a significantly better job than me. The one person I am judging is myself.

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This is more than a LOL #mumfail, I guess because I’m not kidding. Every day I question the choices I make as a parent. Whether I’m doing the right thing or not; and most of the time I’m terrified that I’m not. So often my chest feels tight as I go to bed wondering if today has been a good day or whether tomorrow will be better.

I judge myself for decisions I made about breastfeeding.

I judge myself for letting Indy watch Peppa Pig (because it’s terrible, I snort.… judging myself again). I judge myself for letting her cry in the mornings because I’m too tired to get up. I judge myself for giving her toast for dinner, or pasta three nights in a row. I judge myself for looking forward to her bedtime. For still giving her milk in a bottle. And for putting her in childcare. I judge myself for ignoring her tantrums, then for trying to cuddle her through them or bribe her out of them…

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The list could go on. And it will grow as she does.

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I could get into the psychology of all this pressure. Blame society. Or social media. Or a perfect parent culture. It’s not them, though, it’s me - I realise this column sounds a bit like a break up! I’m sure these things are a part of it but it’s not the whole (bedtime) story.

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This is the real parent trap, not that 90’s film with Lindsay Lohan. Because what if all this judging of my own parenting is the real issue of whether I’m a good mum or not? I lack confidence and when you lack confidence you’re more likely to be defensive and less tolerant. Not a winning combination for parenting a toddler (or of a child of any age).

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So, along with the realisation of how harshly I’m judging myself, I’ve realised how badly I need to stop. Especially with another baby on the way. I’ve celebrated not judging other mums so it’s time to stop judging myself.

Because, the only person I need to measure up to is Indy. And, deep down, I know she thinks I’m better than Peppa Pig AND chips (trying to not judge myself for her love of those either). I guess I just need to remind myself of that more often.