Friday, January 7, 2011

Connecting with my Parents

Before I do anything, I would like to start out by thanking every single one of you guys for all the comments and support I have been receiving, especially on the last post! It is the best feeling in the world to see you guys taking time out of your day to read my life and help me with my issues. That means a lot to me!

I never understood the inspirational quote “It gets better” until now. It honestly does get better, you just have to want it bad enough. Being gay is what makes me, me. I was once disgusted for being gay, but now I know it’s just a small part of what makes me unique.

Even though my parents and I don't have a lot in common, I feel more open with them, since coming out to them. Two nights after I came out to them, we watched a DVD my counselor lent me. It’s a documentary type film that addresses the controversy between religion and homosexuality. My parents loved it, so check out For the Bible Tells Me So if you get the opportunity.

I drove back up to school three days ago and so far I love my classes. I have no idea what this semester has in store for me, but one ne thing I know for sure, is that I have every intention of continuing my counseling sessions every Friday afternoon. Michelle keeps asking me to do yoga with her, so I'm going to start doing that. I am working out four times a week(but I want to change it to five or six). I want to be more open to new opportunites and things that will challenge me as a person.

AGD: You keep posting cute pics of yourself and I'm going to have to change my name for you to "Adorable Gay Dude" -- look at that winning smile! The credit goes all to you AGD, you took charge of your situation, made the changes you need to, took those first steps even though you were scared, stared down your demons and conquered them all. I'm so proud of you and glad that I got see all this unfold in such a short time. You are a true inspiration to me and your many readers, I'm sure you influenced Socrkid17 to take those big steps too. XOXO, FoC.

I am currently reading the november 2010 entries, but I post this here in hopes that you might read it.

I just started reading your blog today. Stumbled upon it through a search engine, looking for answers, as I have done a lot of times in the last year. Deep in thought, and sadness, late at night so I wont be interrupted. This has been by far the most enriching read I have found so far.

Im 19, completely closeted, not yet acceptant of my sexuality, its feels weird to be writing this, because its the first time I have ever shared this with anyone. My heart beat accelerates as I type.

I believe I have it worse than most of you, I live in Colombia, South America, where gay rights, acceptance, activism, etc. are not even comparable to a grain of sand to what it is in the United States. Most families here are completely conservative, highly religious and highly homophobic, even in the big cities.

Reading you blog has given me an odd sense of security, it has helped me in many ways, in just the four hours I have been taking it in. I thank you, so very much, for sharing this with the world. It gives me some confidence that maybe someday I will be able to accept myself and get rid of that heaviness that I carry around.

Ive been accepted at a University in St. Louis. Im traveling to the States in August, and although Im excited about all the new possibilities that are going to open up for me, I am hoping that maybe I will find a medium that will provide some level of acceptance to someone like me, being an international student, and being........gay. Its so hard to write this down, my fingers are trembling.

I thank you once again, AGD, with all my heart, and know that you have given me HOPE.

P.D. There is a movie that has deeply moved me. It changed the way I looked at things, gave me a new perspective. Last year, on my birthday, I left my house, with the excuse of meeting some friends, and went to the most far away movie theater I could think of. I payed the guy at the counter, feeling awkward, and entered. I cried, alone in the theater, when it finished. I deeply recommend it. Its called CONTRACORRIENTE. Its in spanish, but Im sure you can find it with subtitles. Its not some lost movie that nobody can find, it came out last year and has some good latin actors. I would be awesome if you saw it and told me what you think.

http://dchd9.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/pelicula-contracorriente.jpg

I apologize for the length of this comment, but please understand that this is the first time I have ever spoken to anybody about this.....

I am currently reading the november 2010 entries, but I post this here in hopes that you might read it.

I just started reading your blog today. Stumbled upon it through a search engine, looking for answers, as I have done a lot of times in the last year. Deep in thought, and sadness, late at night so I wont be interrupted. This has been by far the most enriching read I have found so far.

Im 19, completely closeted, not yet acceptant of my sexuality, its feels weird to be writing this, because its the first time I have ever shared this with anyone. My heart beat accelerates as I type.

I believe I have it worse than most of you, I live in Colombia, South America, where gay rights, acceptance, activism, etc. are not even comparable to a grain of sand to what it is in the United States. Most families here are completely conservative, highly religious and highly homophobic, even in the big cities.

Reading you blog has given me an odd sense of security, it has helped me in many ways, in just the four hours I have been taking it in. I thank you, so very much, for sharing this with the world. It gives me some confidence that maybe someday I will be able to accept myself and get rid of that heaviness that I carry around.

Ive been accepted at a University in St. Louis. Im traveling to the States in August, and although Im excited about all the new possibilities that are going to open up for me, I am hoping that maybe I will find a medium that will provide some level of acceptance to someone like me, being an international student, and being........gay. Its so hard to write this down, my fingers are trembling.

I thank you once again, AGD, with all my heart, and know that you have given me HOPE.

P.D. There is a movie that has deeply moved me. It changed the way I looked at things, gave me a new perspective. Last year, on my birthday, I left my house, with the excuse of meeting some friends, and went to the most far away movie theater I could think of. I payed the guy at the counter, feeling awkward, and entered. I cried, alone in the theater, when it finished. I deeply recommend it. Its called CONTRACORRIENTE. Its in spanish, but Im sure you can find it with subtitles. Its not some lost movie that nobody can find, it came out last year and has some good latin actors. I would be awesome if you saw it and told me what you think.

http://dchd9.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/pelicula-contracorriente.jpg

I apologize for the length of this comment, but please understand that this is the first time I have ever spoken to anybody about this.....

I stumbled upon this blog on a search engine, while looking, as I have done many times before this last year, for answers, for experiences that would help relieve the anguish and depression I sink in every few months. Late at night, outside, almost hiding in my own sorrow. This has been by far the most enriching read I have found so far.

I am 19, completely closeted. I guess I continually avoid this struggle with myself, and I am sure it has caused me great pain. I have never faced the truth about my sexuality before, and my fingers tremble as I write this, because I have never discussed this with anyone. Reading this has caused one of the most peculiar feelings I have had in my life. It is so inspiring to read your story, and to know that there are other people going through the same thing, other.........gay (its so hard to type this down) men who have to suffer and go through a transformation that is so damn exhausting and complex.

I believe I have it worse than most of you. I live in Colombia, South America. Gay tolerance, rights, communities, etc. are not even comparable to a grain of sand to what they are in the states. Families here are extremely religious, conservative, highly homophobic and full of intolerance. Thankfully, I have been accepted at a University in St. Louis and will be traveling to the US during the fall. I dearly hope that I may find a medium where I can burst out of this fucking shell I constantly live in.

24 hours have gone by since I wrote a comment very much like this one that didnt get posted due to its length, but believe me, the changes that have taken place inside me are so overwhelming. I have considered coming out to a friend of mine, something that was unthinkable to me two days ago. There is a battle now raging inside of my soul between the possibilities of freedom and the security of conformity. I had considred traveling to the states without telling a single person here about my feelings, about my struggle, my sexuality, the constant weight I carry, the tears of frustration; but now I see that I couldnt live with myself if I traveled to a new country, where so many changes are bound to take place, without revealing myself to at least one of the people that I love, people that define HOME.

I thank you, from deep inside my heart, for sharing this with the world AGD, and know that you have given me HOPE. Know that I have cried, know that I have traveled to the center of my being because of you.

I apologize for the length of this comment, but please understand that this is the first time I have EVER faced myself, written my thoughts down, and even dare to share it with someone, even if its through this medium, the internet.

P.D. I would love for anyone here to check out this movie. Last year, the day of my birthday, I left my house with the excuse of visiting a friend and traveled to the farthest movie theater I could think of. Paying the guy at the ticket booth, feeling awkward of buying the ticket from him, I entered the movie theater. It changed me deeply, and I cried so fucking much as the credits rolled by, alone in the dark of the room. Its called CONTRACORRIENTE. Its in spanish, but I am sure you can find it with subtitles. Its not some lost independent movie, it came out last year and won some awards.

(Shit I dont know why it keeps avoiding my comments. Heres a part that got missed lol. This one should be the first)

I stumbled upon this blog on a search engine, while looking, as I have done many times before this last year, for answers, for experiences that would help relieve the anguish and depression I sink in every few months. Late at night, outside, almost hiding in my own sorrow. This has been by far the most enriching read I have found so far.

I am 19, completely closeted. I guess I continually avoid this struggle with myself, and I am sure it has caused me great pain. I have never faced the truth about my sexuality before, and my fingers tremble as I write this, because I have never discussed this with anyone. Reading this has caused one of the most peculiar feelings I have had in my life. It is so inspiring to read your story, and to know that there are other people going through the same thing, other.........gay (its so hard to type this down) men who have to suffer and go through a transformation that is so damn exhausting and complex.

I believe I have it worse than most of you. I live in Colombia, South America. Gay tolerance, rights, communities, etc. are not even comparable to a grain of sand to what they are in the states. Families here are extremely religious, conservative, highly homophobic and full of intolerance. Thankfully, I have been accepted at a University in St. Louis and will be traveling to the US during the fall. I dearly hope that I may find a medium where I can burst out of this fucking shell I constantly live in.

(Shit I dont know why it keeps avoiding my comments. Anyways this should be the first one)

I stumbled upon this blog on a search engine, while looking, as I have done many times before this last year, for answers, for experiences that would help relieve the anguish and depression I sink in every few months. Late at night, outside, almost hiding in my own sorrow. This has been by far the most enriching read I have found so far.

I am 19, completely closeted. I guess I continually avoid this struggle with myself, and I am sure it has caused me great pain. I have never faced the truth about my sexuality before, and my fingers tremble as I write this, because I have never discussed this with anyone. Reading this has caused one of the most peculiar feelings I have had in my life. It is so inspiring to read your story, and to know that there are other people going through the same thing, other.........gay (its so hard to type this down) men who have to suffer and go through a transformation that is so damn exhausting and complex.

I believe I have it worse than most of you. I live in Colombia, South America. Gay tolerance, rights, communities, etc. are not even comparable to a grain of sand to what they are in the states. Families here are extremely religious, conservative, highly homophobic and full of intolerance. Thankfully, I have been accepted at a University in St. Louis and will be traveling to the US during the fall. I dearly hope that I may find a medium where I can burst out of this fucking shell I constantly live in.

Mother fucker.....ive been posting this in order but the internet seems so keen to keep avoding my comments. Anyways, this was suppose to be first.

I stumbled upon this blog on a search engine, while looking, as I have done many times before this last year, for answers, for experiences that would help relieve the anguish and depression I sink in every few months. Late at night, outside, almost hiding in my own sorrow. This has been by far the most enriching read I have found so far.

I am 19, completely closeted. I guess I continually avoid this struggle with myself, and I am sure it has caused me great pain. I have never faced the truth about my sexuality before, and my fingers tremble as I write this, because I have never discussed this with anyone. Reading this has caused one of the most peculiar feelings I have had in my life. It is so inspiring to read your story, and to know that there are other people going through the same thing, other.........gay (its so hard to type this down) men who have to suffer and go through a transformation that is so damn exhausting and complex.

I believe I have it worse than most of you......(Continues one two comments up)

Mother fucker......Ive been posting this in order but the internet seems so keen to screw with me. Read my comments starting with this one and going up. I am really sorry for this.

I stumbled upon this blog on a search engine, while looking, as I have done many times before this last year, for answers, for experiences that would help relieve the anguish and depression I sink in every few months. Late at night, outside, almost hiding in my own sorrow. This has been by far the most enriching read I have found so far.

Mother fucker. Ive been posting this in order but the internet seems so keen to screw with me. Read from the bottom up. Im really sorry for this.

I stumbled upon this blog on a search engine, while looking, as I have done many times before this last year, for answers, for experiences that would help relieve the anguish and depression I sink in every few months. Late at night, outside, almost hiding in my own sorrow. This has been by far the most enriching read I have found so far.

Mother fucker. Ive been posting this in order but the internet seems so keen to screw with me. Read from the bottom to the top. Im really sorry for this....

I stumbled upon this blog on a search engine, while looking, as I have done many times before this last year, for answers, for experiences that would help relieve the anguish and depression I sink in every few months. Late at night, outside, almost hiding in my own sorrow. This has been by far the most enriching read I have found so far.

No way Juan, I read all your comments and I was blown away! So what the posts are not in order, I figured it out so I do not think erasing is necessary :)I am so so so thrilled that my blog was able to affect you in such a positive way! You don't know how good that makes me feel that my life has been so inspirational for you.As you begin the coming out process, you are going to face some of the most difficult days of your life ahead of you. That secret you kept from the world for so long will have to be challenged for the first time. I changed so much as a person, both physically but more importantly mentally and spiritually. Let people from these blogs guide you on your journey for self-identity because chances are we have been there and faced the hard ship your going to endure. I wish you all the best Juan! Especially living in an area where homosexuality isn't accepted much at all. Best of luck to you!"When we are no longer able to change a situation...Wr are challenged to change oursleves."

Welcome!

I'm a kid at heart, figuring out life and having epiphanies along the way. This blog documents my journey over the past seven years, as I grow from the shy, closeted guy I once was, into a complete badass. Website: jeremymannino.com