Curious Crow

I’m not one to believe that the moon phase or planet alignment affects people’s behavior, but lately with what’s showing up in the news, I’ve started to wonder. You know how the freaky news used to be contained in the weird news section? Well, now a lot of it is showing up in the political section, and even on the front page. Maybe it’s all of the solar storm activity that’s been occurring. Whatever it is, I’m more than a little concerned.

In this Saturday, Jan. 16, 2010 file photo, Rev. Pat Robertson, center, talks to attendees at a prayer breakfast at the Capitol in Richmond, Va. The religious broadcaster says marijuana should be legalized and treated like alcohol because the government's war on drugs has failed. The outspoken evangelical Christian and host of "The 700 Club" on the Virginia Beach-based Christian Broadcasting Network he founded said the war on drugs is costing taxpayers billions of dollars. He said people should not be sent to prison for marijuana possession. (AP Photo/Clem Britt)

Pat Robertson has made it back into the news recently after a brief hiatus. He’s like a demented prairie dog that pops his barmy little head out of his hole, mouths off something irrational and then drops back out of sight. Recently, Pat opined that the tornadoes that ravaged our country’s mid-section happened because the people living there didn’t pray hard enough. Yes, Pat, I’m sure that all of the religious folk weren’t praying their asses off knowing a tornado was on the way. A few days later, Pat declared that he thought marijuana should be legal. At the time, I was so shocked, I was damn near speechless, and only managed to belt out a string of expletives that were preceded by the word holy. To complete his trinity of twaddle, Pat declared that Rush Limbaugh went a little over the top with calling Susan Fluke a slut. Of course, to someone who is as over the top as Pat is, what Limbaugh said probably is just a little over the top. It’d be kind of like Marcus Bachmann telling Randall of Honeybadger fame to tone down the sassy.

Speaking of Limbaugh, he is just his own brand of insanity. After his advertisers started dropping him like a hot turd, he said that losing them was “like losing a couple of French fries in the container when it’s delivered to you at the drive-thru. You don’t even notice it.” That’s a really bad analogy for him to use, because we all know that Limbaugh would go after any stray fry like, well, like Rush Limbaugh on a French fry.

It’s not just media crackpots who have been spreading the lunacy. Legislators across our fine country have been trying to pass some of the scariest legislation lately. And surprise, surprise! Most of it has been introduced by Republican lawmakers and has to do with either sex, women or a combination of both.

In Utah, the House and Senate have already passed a measure that allows schools to opt out of teaching sex-ed, and makes it illegal for teachers to include anything about contraception or homosexuality in their curriculum. I guess they think that if you don’t talk about it, it doesn’t happen. Or maybe since there are so many people sporting magic underwear up there in Mormonland, they think their special underthings will keep their teens from having sex — especially gay sex.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFRnoBmBw7g[/youtube]

Not to be outdone by a bunch of caffeine-free, Mormons, sun-addled Arizona senators passed a bill that would allow doctors to intentionally lie to pregnant women about potential birth defects their baby could be born with, in order to prevent them from having an abortion. To add insult to injury, after telling the woman that she’ll give birth to a healthy baby, when in fact, she won’t, the mother wouldn’t be allowed to sue the doctor for lying.

For the whipped cream and cherry on top of this crazy parfait, we just need to take a little trip to Kansas, where lawmakers are discussing a sweeping abortion bill. Like Arizona, It would allow doctors to lie about potential birth defects, but Kansas wants more. The bill would also levy a sales tax on abortions — even abortions performed on rape victims. It would also mandate that women be told about a potential risk of breast cancer after having an abortion even though there’s no proof that abortions cause breast cancer. Kansas, you are my native state. I’ve never done anything to you except leave you. Is this why you continually shame me?

So what do we do to derail this crazy train? We can vote out any of the politicians that have introduced or voted for any kind of daft legislation. As for Pat and Rush, we can only hope that the train car they’re in gets lost — preferably in the middle of Western Kansas.

Rachel Birdsell is a freelance writer, artist and semi-professional cat wrangler. Feel free to drop her a note at rabirdsell@gmail.com