In Bars & Clubs

In Bars & Clubs

100 worst Milwaukee pick-up lines, 2012

"Bar Month" at OnMilwaukee.com – brought to you by Hornitos, OR-G, Party Armor, Red Stag, Absolut, Fireball and Malibu – is back for another round! The whole month of February, we're serving up intoxicatingly fun articles on bars and clubs – including guides, the latest trends, bar reviews and more. Grab a designated driver and dive in!

Kids, this list gets gritty – just like our city – and it isn't for you. Adults, we really do not suggest you try these at home. Or in a bar. Or anywhere, ever. But we do hope you'll get a chuckle or a groan from this updated-for-2012 list of awful Milwaukee pick-up lines.

In the spirit of OnMilwaukee.com's famous "100 things" lists, we all wish you a happy Valentine's Day.

Nice Domes.

Let's go to Kochanski's Concertina bar and I'll push your buttons.

Is that a Tall Boy in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Wanna see my Bronze Schwantz?

Great Scott, you're hot! What's your number; can I recall you sometime?

The Brise Soleil is open, baby. Let's fly away.

Sprecher? I don't even know her.

Miller? I don't even know her.

Pfister? I don't even know her.

Brewer? I don't even know her.

Nyjer? I don't even know her.

Wanna operate my Milwaukee Tool?

Once you Bo Black you never go back.

Hey, baby, I'm a Packers shareholder.

Have you seen my Dick Bacon tribute?

I'd love to Hoan in on your bridge.

Can I come over by your place later on tonight, hey?

Can I plow your Front Street? No? How about your Back Bay?

Wanna nibble on my Milwaukee pickle?

Hi, my name's Allen Bradley. Want to see my clock tower?

You can U.S. Bank on it, I'll be the Firstar you see tonight.

Show me your Kinnikinnickers and I'll show you mine.

Your daddy must have worked at the Lopez Bakery, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns.

Wanna go to the FulBeli Del so I can Koppa feel?

Does my ass look good in these Packers Zubaz?

Do you have a map of Milwaukee? I keep getting lost in your eyes.

Do you work at the Daniel M. Soref Planetarium? 'Cause your ass is out of this world.

You're like a Downtown parking ticket. You got fine-fine-fine written all over you.

Is that a keg of Miller in your pants, 'cause I would like to tap that.

Do you like Milwaukee history? Wanna help me increase my Lapham?

Wanna ride my light rail?

Come with me when the State Fair opens and I'll put the cream in your puff.

Let's go to 4th Base?

I bet you're hung like a Rehorst.

Was your grandpa a hunter? 'Cuz you have a really nice rack.

Can I explore your deep tunnel?

Did you know I'm the model for Usinger's Famous Sausages?

For a little whoopie I'll give you a Sciortino's cookie.

Wanna drive up to Walker's Point and make out?

If I take you to the Streets Of Old Milwaukee will you show me your bloomers?

Wanna judge my cock in the State Fair poultry barn?

Do you have any Juneau? Would you like some?

Can I take you to the boat house and Paul Finger you?

I'd like to stick it to you at the State Fair.

Let's go to Solly's and I'll butter your burger.

It's Friday, come sit on my tilapia?

Your Red Star is my Chocolate Factory.

Didn't we make out on the SkyGlider?

I wanna take you to the Forest Home Library so I can check you out!

Wanna see my Sigmund Snopecker?

I'd like to pluck you at The Harp.

Wanna get busy like a pair of Love Monkeys?

I bet you have a Sweetbush.

Wanna lick each other's cones at Gilles?

I've seen the mayor's executive branch.

Your eyes are really pretty in the light of the Polish Moon.

You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do it on Monkey Island.

Can I fill your potholes?

Wanna skinny dip in the Milwaukee River?

I only hang out at Victor's to listen to the music.

Does your top open as easily as Miller Park's?

Hey ... wanna watch the submarine races at Lake Michigan?

Let's go to Lake Park for a little Pitch 'n Putt.

You put the "spice" in Spice House.

If I take you to Cans can I feel your jugs?

I'll show you my Packers tattoo if you show me yours.

You + Me + Tiki Love Bowl = Forever.

Wanna go bowling? You can polish my balls.

I like my girls like my custard ... sweet and thick.

Are you a police chief? Because I'm a writer for Milwaukee magazine.

Should we get a room for an hour at The Hotel Foster?

Wanna snuggle in the snug at County Clare?

You're hotter than a bowl of Real Chili.

If you want to bring your friend I can Rockerbox, too.

If I buy you dinner at La Perla first will you ride my hot pepper?

Buddy Squirrel's got nothin' on me.

Skip the state assembly: I have a tee pee in my pants you can occupy.

If we get wicked I'll make you hop.

Wanna see my Balzac?

Ride my hog?

Forget the lakefront and check out the festival in my pants.

How's about my pepperoni in your cannoli?

I know a place we can bowl naked.

Let's get drinks at My Office, then head to my bedroom for dessert.

Wanna pet my pet love rock?

If I take you home to my 5th Ward condo, can I Seeboth?

They rebuilt the freeway so let's have a three-way!

Let's get out of here, this place is a sausage race.

How 'bout I drive my Willy into your Porter?

Hey sister, is it true you have Nunn Bush?

You must work at Foundation, because you have "tiki" to my heart?

You're giving me a Shorewoody.

Let's get naked, and I'll show you my new move I like to call "The Calatrava."

I had a dream last night that you were wearing nothing but a cheesehead hat and a Summerfest smile.

Why can't I get just one screw?

Let's get down at the Up and Under.

Let's go to Conejito's and then drive around the round-a-bout all night long.

Can I get a wank at The Shank?

If you come on my boat I'll have you screaming "tuna."

All this sexy talk is giving me blue mounds.

OnMilwaukee.com staffers delivering some of the worst Brew City pick-up lines:

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