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OK, I started it. It's been awhile since I started one, and it's so early, I hope the subject line is alright with everyone.

Netta, I totally agree with Queen, he's using again. That's why he didn't show back up at his job, why the servers can't find him to give him the divorce papers etc. I hope things turn out good, and pretty damn soon, so you can relax a bit.

Cin, so good to hear from you! Wow, it sounds like you're doing fantastic on the new diet/exercise program. How do you know how to keep track of things like carbs, fiber etc. in that food diary? I mean, how did you learn about that, is it part of the weight loss program? Good for you. I'm going to do that one day.......

Queen, have fun visiting your son, sister and bff. I'm so glad things are going in a good direction.

My daughter is having such a time in Washington with that damn baby's daddy. He's causing so much grief, threatening her with this and that. He even kicked her dog, which I absolutely detest. She's going to be going to the courthouse at some point, to try to file for custody, and to see if she can take the baby on the upcoming trip. He's told her she can't legally take the baby out of state. We'll see. I'm hoping for peace for her, and that the father will quit acting like a 5-year old. He's 36, but is very immature. Ugh.

Other than that, yesterday went well. I went to a friend's house for a cookout. Afterwards it started raining pretty heavily. This upcoming weekend, my grandson has a t-ball game, and my granddaughter has a softball game. She's the catcher on the team, and does a pretty good job. Hopefully the forecasted rain will hold off. You all have a good one.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Cin- You sound like you're doing so great. I have always been a huge advocate for exercise. In almost a year of not exercising I feel awful. Though I just started with weights for physical therapy And yes, I have to start this week for the wedding. I have 10 pounds!I know how much you miss Cheech. Dogs are such amazing creatures that come into our lives and bring us such joy. I'm so glad you have a lot of media memories with Ice's help.

BT- Party sounded nice. Central Jersey got hit with some late day thunderstorms. It was pretty torrential. I am so sorry to hear about all the drama in your daughter's life. It's bad enough that he's giving her a real problem but to kick the dog? I would need to be restrained if anyone kicked my dog. I will definitely pray for peace in her life and a good outcome. Great title btw.

Queen- Great that you are settled in your apartment. It should be nice to see your son and friends, especially to know that your finally set up at your new place. I completely relate to your dislike of flying lately. I did not like flying this past trip to Captiva. I don't know why, I've never had a problem with flying but I really hated it, maybe because it is on high alert.

Have to run, it's early and I have a lot to do. I did nothing but stay on the couch yesterday. Feeling better today thankfully.

Well, what I feared was going to happen, happened. My daughter's ex got an order that prevents my daughter from taking the baby out of state, so she can't bring her here. And, she won't be able to come either, because she has to be in court on dates that she was supposed to be here. I can't tell you all how pissed off I am, and how helpless I feel. I don't know what to do. I want to fix this, but of course can't, and that's a horrible feeling. I am so pissed off at this man, I'd love to smash him right in his face. I don't know how things are going to turn out, but for now, they have shared custody of the grandbaby. This is not good, and I am not happy.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Betty- So sorry to hear this news! What about his violent temper? that has to account for something on her side, the past is the past! that should not be brought up in court!I hope things turn around, for her good. I am angry just knowing he would take a baby from its mother!I know how you feel, being helpless and wanting to do something. I feel that way about my divorce, What was so simple turniing out to be complicated and take much longer. Well I know for sure I will get the divorce, just when? takes time to put ad in paper and then wait. I will call my lawyer this week. I am mad that it took the courts so long to seek him at his job, he was there the last few months. It took them over a month to serve him there!!! nothing I could do about it. just hang in there and not to worry too much.

hope everyone is having a blessed day. when will we be able to post pics again?

I made it back home. The flying part of the trip was nice. I just didn't like the search part. Having to take off my shoes but I understand the reasons for it. I took pics of the clouds in the plane. It was real pretty. Once I got to my sister's, I started taking pics of my family. I am going to try to post the cloud pics later.

Betty--- Sorry that your daughter is going through that, custody battles can be so nasty. I hope she will be able to get custody or even joint custody. The baby daddy sounds like a real asshole.

Netta--- Girl, I would be pissed to about the situation. But he is definitely getting high again, you can tell just by the crap he is doing.

Nothing much is really going on. I found out I am 8weeks 5days preggo . Hubby is really excited, I am kinda of nervous and scared. I have my OB appointment tomorrow, so I hope all goes well. I still in school working on my Masters in Education. I will be through next year Fall.

Just wanted to stop in and tell you guys my news.

Hey BT, Queen (I texted you the other week), Snow, Netta, Has anyone heard from VIV yet? Hello to everyone I forgot and welcome to our new comers

BT I'm so sorry your daughter is in this horrible situation. It's frustrating that these people hire these slick lawyers and the people who can't afford lawyers get screwed. It's not fair.

Queen glad you made it home. How was the actual visit?

Netta- Sorry that your soon to be ex is MiA? It must be so frustrating. I feel for you and Betty. This seems to be a lot of rain according to the title of the thread.

Yesterday was bad day physically. My hand felt alien to me. I was having a pity party yesterday and it was a day that I just crashed and burned. I felt better around 6 mentally. I did finally finish the invites. And I working on the wedding favors last night.

Bills today and client work is my schedule today. Today will be a better day I sending out good vibes to you all too.

Hey Gfs, Sorry I have not been around. I had surgery on my knee and I am slowly re-couperating. At least I am up walking on it now. My honey came and spent the weekend with me and took care of me (he is so sweet.) I don't know what I would have done without him, OMG the pain was so bad.I will be starting Pt on Monday and going back to work too. Glad to hear everyone is doing well.

Netta, sorry about your ex. I hope they find him soon, or he contacts the courts.

Queen, that's great you got to go back home. And yeah, the baby daddy is an asshole. Anyway, did you get to visit with your son?

Keeping-congrats on the master's program.

Camms, I hope you're feeling better. Just take things slow with making all the wedding stuff. It does suck that everything's about the almighty dollar. Even dishonest shit.

Mary, sorry about your knee, but you just reaffirm me not wanting to have a knee replacement. But, do you feel better? Are you getting around better?

Nothing much has changed. I've been talking to my daughter. She says that the baby daddy is supposedly willing to sit down and talk some time next week. I don't trust him personally. Not at all. I hope my daughter doesn't get screwed worse. I tried to tell her, but she likes to think the best of people. Nothing really other than that. I hope you all have a good weekend.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Yeah, it has been nice being back so far but I miss NY already. My son has come to see me every day since I have been here. My gay friend stopped by to see me but I haven't seen my bff. I did call her but she is pissed because I didn't feel like coming to see her today. I would have but after being out in the heat with my sister at Walmart, I just didn't have the energy. But she will be alright. I did invite my one sister I don't care for to come see me. She called and said she would come after work but she never showed up...Oh well.....I would write more but I am drained.

Hmm, since it will be back to back posts, does this mean I am talking to myself? *LOL* I catch myself doing that around the house. I guess everyone is busy doing their thing. I remember when this thread first got started. You'd have to check in at least twice a day. I often think about some of the ladies that use to be here. Remember Christy? I wonder how she is doing. And Drag......*sighs*

Not much going on. I think it is going to be cooler today. I am still deciding if I am going to go over to see the bff. I think the only reason she got pissed is because she wanted me to come over to her house so I would buy her some beer. And in the past, I have done that, prolly would've done it last night. But I just did not feel like going anywhere yesterday. But I feel she owes me an apology.

Anyone keeping up with the basketball playoffs? It's the Lakers vs the Celtics. Game 1 was last night. The Celtics lost. I am going with the Celtics. I use to like the Lakers back in the day when Magic was playing but I just don't care for Kobe Bryant.

Queen, I talk to myself as well when I'm here alone (which is most of the time). So, don't feel bad. Yeah, I wonder what happened to the ladies that used to be regular posters. I have Cristy's number somewhere. Drag quit posting when she got married. I do miss them.

I'm really unsure what is going on with my daughter right now. She seemed a little better last time we talked. I'm trying not to be totally taken up with the situation, because there are other things going on here I need to also focus on. It's hard, because she's my kid, and I hate it when she hurts.

Today, if it doesn't rain, my grandson has a t-ball game, and the granddaughter here has a softball game. It's looking like it's going to rain any minute, but I hope it holds off until this afternoon. Nothing much other than that. My cursor keeps freezing up while I'm typing, then when it unfreezes, it types everything I typed while it was frozen. I don't like it, and wish it would quit. Does anyone else ever have trouble with that?

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Keeping- Great to hear about the masters degree. That's great news that you are working towards such a fantastic goal such as education.

BT- I talk to Wendy every so often on Facebook, so I know she's doing ok. I think focusing on other things make sense. Unfortunately, you can't do anything right now, even if you were in the same town. Did you get to see the tball/ softball games? As far as the typing, that usually happens to me if I need to reboot my computer.

HIn GF"S All is well as can be. Cooking a soul food dinner today, turkey wings, cabbabge, dressing, corn on cob.! How is everyone!!!Keeping- congrats on the pregnancy, this makes baby # ? God don't make no mistakes! Congrats on your Masters study.Queen, My facebook name is Vannetta Ferguson. and for anyone that wants to know.Glad you had a safe trip,and things have gotten better! how is your son? great that he's home !!!Betty- still praying for you and dd. hope things get better soon.Camms- take care of yourself !!!!Missy- glad youare back take care!To all our other sisters out there, take care and HOLLA at us sometimes!!!

Just dropping by. I did go see my bff. I jumped the gun and thought she was mad at me. All is well there. My son still comes to see me everyday, I love that. But I am ready to go home. There has been 2 shootings close to my sister's house since I have been here. One was just around the corner from here. I also miss my apartment...lol

Netta, I will add you on my Facebook. I updated my page. I also Twitter but not everyone does that. Keeping--Congrats on the baby. I didn't get your text but I have also changed my number. I'm not sure if I gave it to you. PM me.

Queen, I know what you mean about going places, and being ready to go home. I'm the same way. That's cool you got to see your son so much.

The grandkid's baseball games got rained out Saturday. This weekend was non-eventful, and quiet. I did make some brownies (just what I need, with the extra weight and diabetes). I didn't talk to my daughter yesterday, but probably will today, because it's her birthday. I can't believe she's 26. I've made so many mistakes parenting. I keep telling myself, about the situation she's in, that if only I wasn't strung out on those pills for so long, my life would've been together, and I could afford a lawyer for her, and more. I hate the fact that it's taken me so long in life to get clean (I did a couple times before, but it didn't last). I look at my best friend, how she's a successful therapist, and a recovering addict. I met her in about 1990 in NA (Narcotic Anonymous). But, she stayed clean, and I continued to fuck up. Sometimes I get so sad, I actually do cry. I'm trying not to think about it too much lately, because it makes me so sad.

Another week starts. I hope you all have a good one.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

I am at the airport, its still about 45 minutes before my plane leaves. I have a 2 hour delay in Philly then it's an hour before I get back to NY. It was a nice trip overall. I enjoyed seeing my friends and spending time with my son and sister. My sister started bawling which made me want to cry but I didn't. It has really gotten bad here crime wise. It'll prolly be a few years before I come back to visit.

I hope everyone is having a good week. Mum, you are still in my thoughts and prayers. You too, Betty with the situation with your daughter. I know how that feels. I'll prolly check back in when I get back home. I don't think Philly airport has wi-fi.

Queen, I hope your flights went well, and that you're back home safe and sound. I'm glad you got to see your friends and family, especially your son, but I totally understand why you don't want to go back there if it's turned into a bad war zone, crime wise I mean.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Betty-- Yeah war zone is the right word for it. There has been 20 shootings already this year and 5 of them are homicides. Now remember I haven't been in NY a year yet. It made me see that I left right on time. I worry for my son though because most of the shootings were done by teens. My son knew a couple of them. One of his friends is in a wheelchair now behind getting shot.

Just got my internet hooked up here and my cable on the 3rd. Now I feel like I am finally getting settled. I still have to do a little more food shopping but I am being lazy today. I am tired since I have been up since 8:30 this morning. My Hasa worker was suppose to have shown up at 10...no call, no show. But atleast the cable guy was on time..

Thank you for inviting me Betty!Its seems like this might be home with all the dysfunctional behaviors ( as society calls it). Right up my alley. Lots of rain is falling in my life know and its kind of scary.But first Hi lady's my name is Susan.I have been positive since 97 and recently started to get ill. I have 2 grown children and a grandson.A husband of 10 years who is not positive and I'm a Counselor who is in desperate need of Counseling as you suggested Betty.Ive been hospitalized 3 times this year and I still feel horrible. I share in all of y'all everyday grief because I'm struggling with some of the same issues y'all are faced with.I was a crack addict for 6 years it seemed so much longer. I know that sad feeling you feel when you blame yourself for everything that goes wrong in your children's life.Thank god I had a very close knit family and my children were able to be speared some heart ache but not all. Happy to be here. I feel terrible today the diarrhea is sucking me dry. My most trying matter is that I have never told my son who is 23 my status.My daughter keeps threatening me she will because she doesn't want him to feel she betrayed him if something happens to me. I'm stuck

Queen, it's always good when the cable guy is on time. That's great you're getting all settled in. New York really seems to have good programs there. If your situation happened in my area, you'd probably still be in a shelter. Last year section 8 opened up, and in 2 weeks time, they had over 2,000 applicants. So, it's closed for at least another 2 years. I realize, though, that people at shelters can pull some strings. There's a girl who's volunteering where I work, who lives with two of her kids, in a local shelter. She said she has to be out by next April, and that probably one of the counselors there would be able to get her into one of the housing authority's apartment places. Anyway, I'm going on a rant. I'm just so happy you got your own place. How's it going with learning to get around where you're living at now? I'm not too good with learning new places at first, until I've been around a few times.

Summayya, welcome to our ladie's family. I'm a recovering addict. The first time I got clean, back when I was 17 1/2, it was from heroin. Then, when I was 24, I went into treatment for alcohol. And this last time, it was pills (Morphine, ES Vicodin, Xanax, Valium, and Dextroamphetamine). It's been almost 5 years, and I'm hoping this last time will be the last time I'll have to worry about it. I don't know if you do NA or AA meetings, but as they say, it's just taking things one step at a time, and trying not to get overwhelmed. It seems the first thing in your situation that's needed, is for you to be able to get your health straight. I remember from your thread in the LTS'ers part of the forum, that you go on and off your meds. If I were you, I'd probably try to figure out why this is. Surely you want to be around for your grandkids? Your failing health this year, as I'm sure you figured out, is proof that you're not going to be healthy off the meds. About telling your son....well, I'm guessing, since you mentioned your daughter threatening to tell him, that the rest of your family knows? Or is it just your daughter? I can understand her feelings. I told my family, and close friends, right away, because I didn't want them finding out if something happened to me. By the way, I tested poz in 1989. So, as you know, back then, it was hit and miss with health. I feel extremely fortunate to be alive and as healthy as I am. I went through some things, though, and know I don't want to go through them again (wasting, hardly any t-cells etc.). And like I said in your other thread, even counselors sometimes need counselors. Don't feel bad about that either. Feel free to say anything to us here, ask questions, or whatever. We're a good group, and love to have new people join us.

Not much going on. Tomorrow my grandson has a t-ball game that I'm hoping doesn't get rained out. My granddaughter's softball team is in tournaments right now, and they've been at all these different parks, so I haven't been able to see any of those games yet.

As for my daughter's situation.....today her and the father are going to court to, as I understand it, drop the restraining orders they have on each other. Then Monday, I think they're going to court regarding the custody. It makes me very nervous to think about it a lot. I just don't want anything else to happen to my daughter. I don't know if she could take it. The father is pulling some dirty tricks on her, and I keep telling her not to be so trusting. She always looks for the best in people, and sometimes that hurts more than helps. Ok ladies, you all have a good one.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Well I have 5 brothers and none know I'm positive.I only told Mom and Dad.My daughter found out because she looked up one of my meds on line.lol. She never said a word.When I decided to tell her and I began to cry struggling to get the words out she just looked at me.I said I'm HIV positive and she said"I know". We both laughed and I felt so dumb. I'm guessing my son may know because my ex brother in law decided to tell the world my status when i helped my sister get out of their abusive relationship. my nieces,nephews and my son never asked but always joked about how much he must hate me to have said such a thing. I always change the subject.My son has begun to demand answers when I'm sick.He lives in Phoenix so its easy because he hasn't seen me in 4 months.The last time he came I weighed 150.I'm down to 130 I wonder what his reaction will be when he comes.I'm feeling a lot better today . Diarrhea has gone for a while.I'm preparing to go visit my nephew who's in jail tomorrow. All the way upstate NY.My grandson has been at my sisters house all week upstate so I cant wait to get there to see him and bring him home. My daughter hurt me so bad last night.I asked her to pick me up because I didn't feel well and she said no.All that Ive done for her.The part that made me mad was that she came in my room and kissed me before she went to work.I asked her not to because she didn't care.I guess guilt must have killed her.I posted something on facebook that must have made her think twice.Still cant believe she said no.My husband is furious with her.He wont be rude to her but he wont talk to her for a while.Ill see what tomorrow has in store should be exciting.

Summayya, I guess I'm not understanding. You asked your daughter to pick you, up, but she was there to give you a kiss on your head? Did she drive over to give you the kiss? What I'm not understanding is, you wanted her to pick you up, but she was there? (do you see what I mean). Anyway, have fun with your grandson.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

First, let say welcome to the ladies thread to Summayya. As Betty said, we're a great bunch of ladies here. I am sorry you are going through so much. I can relate to some of what you are going through. I have been poz since '97. I have been off and on meds too. I am off of them right now because I have recently moved to NY and have not found an HIV doctor yet. I recently just moved into my own place from being in a shelter. I also know how you feel when it comes to someone putting your status out there. My own sisters did that to me. I have forgiven one of my sisters but not the other one. I know that my one sister if given the oppertunity would do it to me again. And because of her, my whole family knows my status. I was angry about it for a long time but decided to let it go and move on with my life.

Not much planned for me today. I straightened up a lil bit, never much to do there since I keep my place clean. I am going to spend the night at my friend's house til Monday. We do that, he'll spend a few days with me and vice versa.

Betty- I hope your grandson's game does not get rained out. How is your knee feeling?

Not much going on with me today. I wanted to go to the Puerto Rican Parade today but didn't since it was suppose to rain. I'll catch it next year. I still got caught in the rain when I went out grocery shopping. Thank the Goddess they deliver. Other than that I am just waiting on my shows to come on, True Blood and The Tudors. There is only 2 episodes left of The Tudors then it is over and True Blood is just picking up from last season. I just love Lafayette, he makes the show to me. So, that's the plan and I am sticking to it. I better get a few hours of Warcraft in. I hope everyone had a good weekend...

Hey Queen- Let me know if you are going to go next year. My son was going to march in the parade with his troop but I didn't end up sending him because he has been sick and....it was supposed to rain.

Welcome Summayya!

BT- How did things go with your daughter?

Netta....HOLLA!!!

I have been crazy busy with the kids and thier school. Thurs. is thier last day. I went on a field trip with the 5th grade on Friday. It was pretty good and thankfully the rain held out. The place we went is set up like a village was back in the 1800's and you can go in see what people did, it's interactive, the people dress and talk like they used to. We went into the bank and it was just the 2 guys working there and me and 2 of the students, a boy and a girl. So the people that were working were great, they answered all the kids questions, were very informative. The kids were asking good questions and while the girl was talking to the guy, they boy went and talked to the guy that was standing in the corner. So I say, "OK guys its time to go see where the rest of the group is." So as we are walking down the "street" to the next building I hear the kids talking to each other. Went a little like this.

Boy:(with a look of total confusion on his face) That guy's name was Dick?Girl: (with a look of total confusion and shock) WHAT?Boy: His name was Dick!!Girl: DICK??Boy: DICK!!So I am trying not to laugh and I say" Guys, Dick is short for Richard"They both look at me even more confused and say "WHY???"I said, " I have no idea, I always thought it would be Rick?" So then they had to go tell the other kids, lol, it was funny.

Snow-- I bet that dialogue was funny as hell. I have been wondering how you've been doing. I know I can text you but I feel like I am interrupting you. If that makes sense?

Betty- I understand what you mean about your daughter being too trusting when it comes to the baby's daddy. I am going through the same thing with bf's daughter. She says he won't let her see the baby. He tells us she doesn't come to see the baby. We keep telling her to go to the courthouse......

As always, not much going on with me, I consider that a good thing, ya know. I watched Season 3 of True Blood on Sunday. I also watched the Tudors but there is only one episode left. I am going to miss that show. I'm going to have to try to buy the dvd. I love shows like that. I have the Rome dvd. And is Spartacus over? Isn't it on Showtime? I hope so because I have it for a year free. Oh dear, here I am rambling.

Hi ladies and thank you all for the warm welcomes!I was busy all weekend driving up and down Upstate NY.I did get to see my nephew on the second try we got there to late the first day.He looks fine but hes only 17 in jail SMH.Life is real strange I don't wanna go through this but I refuse to abandon him and my sister in their time of need. AnywayBetty I asked my daughter to pick me up from work and take me home that night.Its about a 20 minute drive from my house to Manhattan.If I take the train its an hour ride and then wait for the bus. So she had to leave our house to get me.Maybe I was being selfish asking her to leave her bed for little old me.I got over it like everything else.

Queen welcome to NY!I was born here and its the city that never sleeps.If you want I can give you a few #'s (when your ready) although I'm not taking meds now I do have one of the best HIV Dr's in NY.I still don't understand why I struggle to take my meds.I'm real good when I'm on undetectable in one month always. I cant imagine what i would have done if my sister had done that to me.Hopefully you ll be able to forgive the other sister as well.I was angry at my sister for telling her husband too.He would have never known if she didn't.

So funny Snow.Kids are a riot.I'm feeling really good today although I think I lost a pound or two in the past week.I'm making plans and choosing my attractions for Lake George next weekend with my husband.Cant wait to get there and unwind.

Queen- I've been good, really busy with the kids school. You can text me whenever you want, I might not get back to you immediately. I try not to text when I am in the car and if I am at school I leave the phone in my bag under a desk.

Summayya- Have fun at Lake George, I have never been but I hear that it is beautiful. I hope you have good weather.

OK, I hope I don't lose this post. Yesterday, I got that funny message on the screen that's posted about in "off topic." And this morning, the screen keeps freezing up. Only on this site. And last night, I was reading about one of the university's chancellor's webpage being hacked with (no shit) a Viagara ad (remember when that was being talked about here). So, it must be something going around. Hackers, I mean.

Queen, I'd love to try to get a deal on HBO so I could watch True Blood. I've always liked vampire things. No deals right now, in this part of the the world anyway. And, even if they did offer a deal, the ones they have here are for like 6 months. I'd probably forget at the end of the 6 months to cancel it. My neighbor likes True Blood; but she works for Comcast, so I'm thinking all her shit is free.

Summayya, sorry, I didn't know you had a job. I guess I thought you were on disability, since mentioning all the troubles you've had, and being that you're a LTS'er. I've been on disability since 1994, originally for wasting, and low CD4 cells. About why you don't stay on meds...again, I think the only way you'll find answers to that is to see a trained therapist, who has worked with HIV+ people. It could be you don't think you deserve to stay healthy, of course that's just an uneducated guess. Anyway, I hope you have fun at Lake George.

Snow, it's always good to hear from you. I hope you don't have strep throat as well.

I've been having problems with insomnia. But, it's been almost 4 days without a cigarette. Here in Hoosierville, they have the Indiana Quit Line. And if you call them, and express your strong desire to quit smoking, they'll send you two weeks worth of either patches, or gum or lozenges for free. So, I'm wearing a patch. But, since I quit this time, I either can't sleep, or it's all I want to do. I know this will pass, but damn, hurry up!

I talked to my daughter yesterday. I guess court went alright Monday. She said she and the baby daddy already had a plan, so next Monday they meet with an official from the court to make it, well, "official." I don't know what the final decision is going to be about her being able to bring the baby to see us, hopefully in August, but she said she thinks the father may let her come.

Yesterday I went back to see the bone doctor. He gave me a Cortisone shot in my right knee. He looked at that one with the x-ray machine, and said were that one to be replaced, it would take a lot more scraping, and cementing than normal. He didn't look happy about it either. Then he looked again at the left one, and said "oh, this is the bad one. The top bone is pushing into the bottom bone." This is nothing new to me. Anyway, he said as long as I don't get more than 1-2 shots a year, I can do Cortisone forever. He seems a bit more cautious now about a knee replacement than he originally was. And you know, yesterday I was reading an article in this AARP magazine about a lady who had a knee replacement, and ended up getting her leg amputated from infection. No, she isn't HIV+, but it made me think of what the first orthopod said about people who are HIV+ being at a greater risk of infection, with a possibility of amputation; plus the diabetes, which regular people heal slower from. So now I'm conflicted again.

Ok, I know I rambled there a bit. You all have a good one.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Just sitting here tripping on I Love the 80's on VH1. I was into so much of that stuff from the 80's but when you think about it, a lot of stuff we have today wouldn't have been created if it wasn't for the 80's. For example, Dungeons and Dragons basically evolved into today's World of Warcraft. Though I never played D&D. But it does bring back memories.

Summayya---That would be great if you could PM me the name and number of the HIV doctor. I want to find one who treats me like a person and not an insurance number, ya know. I know how it is catching a train in Manhattan, it was always crowded, especially the 6 train. And now that they are doing cuts now, there is no longer a V train but now a M train. I am getting the hang of the trains so I don't get lost as much. What area are you in if you don't mind me asking? I am in Queens.

Betty--I can understand you being conflicted about getting the surgery. Have you gotten a second opinion? But then if the shots are working for you, no need to go the extreme. Girl, I love just about anything to do with vampires. I just can't get into the "teen vamp" thing like Twillight or The Vampire Diaries. Now another Twillight movie comes out on the 30th, vamps vs wolves. Not seeing how it is going to be all that though I did love the Underworld trilogy. Have you tried Tylenol PM to try to help ypu sleep?

Queen I sure will PM you.If you want a real doctor hes the one.Straight talk and laughter is what hell give you. I live in Brooklyn on the 3 and 4 lines and work on the 4 and 6 lines in Manhattan.Trains aren't that bad but I get off so late and they start running local.Betty I know I need help badly.I think joining this forum is the first of many steps that I will take towards helping myself.I remember when I visited my Dr. last month he asked me if I wanted him to recommend a good Psychiatrist so that I could get some psychotropic meds. I laughed at him and declined.I asked him if he thought I was crazy and he said not crazy but depressed.I had suffered from depression when I was first diagnosed it was awful.I used to walk down the street with my head down because I was afraid people would know my status if they looked at me long enough.Thank GOD that's over.I was on disability for about 2 years and I couldn't take it anymore.I had to return to work because I was losing my sanity in the house.I think about going on disability now more than ever.I have recently began smoking again after 2 years I could punch my self in the face for picking up that cigarette.I have been able to stop cold turkey 2 times before.I hope you get a good nights sleep soonThanks Snow Im praying for good weather too in Lake George.

Queen, I've seen that "I Love the 80's" on VH1. I really enjoy watching that little series. Believe me, I remember most things about the 80's, other than the times I was too f** up to remember. I love vampire stuff also, but like you, don't care for the things the teens are going crazy over. My favorite vampire movie is "Brahm Stoker's Dracula." Mostly because it's a love story, besides being a cool dracula flick. I think it was very well done. I remember when I was about 5, my parents let me stay up with my older brother on a Saturday night, when Creature Feature was coming on. They showed the first "Dracula" movie with Bella Lugosi. I was terrified. My mom had to lay by me until I went to sleep. And when my daughter was little, and I would watch a scarey movie, she always tried to sneak out of her room to watch it. Of course, I always caught her. She didn't seem to react with too much fear when she would see something scarey, like I did when I was a kid. Oh, thanks for the suggestion about the Tylenol PM, but I'm on a pretty hefty dose of Motrin during the day, and I can't mix the two. Last night I was actually able to get a pretty good sleep.

Summayya, don't beat yourself up over smoking again. Did you know that smoking releases dopamine in the brain, which, as you probably already know, is the main "feel good" chemical the brain releases? And, that's one reason why so many people who are on psychotropics smoke like fiends. Psychotropics actually suppress dopamine. But, your doctor may have a good suggestion, though if you're not having serious problems (or are you), maybe he could try an antidepressant without you having to go to a pscyhiatrist, if you don't want to. I'm on Welbutrin, so don't feel like you're out of place if you need some medicinal help with the depression. I have bad anxiety also (passed out once because of it), but I don't take tranquilizers for it. I take this medication called Zyprexa. It was originally made for schizophrenia, but docs use it for a mood stabilizer, and for extreme anxiety. And it's a psychotropic. Anyway, I don't mean to go on about my medical problems. Just don't feel bad. I work part-time, even though I'm on disability. I know you don't know my history, but up until almost 5 years ago, I was pretty heavily strung out on pills (Xanax, Valium, Morphine, ES Vicodin, and Dextroamphetamine, plus large doses of hormones and thyroid). When I quit those, after being clean for about a year, I went back to school. I only got a bachelor's, in psychology. I work for a church now. And it's not that I'm a born-again Christian. I work for this church who does work with the homeless, and street people, drug addicts, etc. We offer them free breakfast, showers, laundry, clothing Monday through Thursday, and we also have a food pantry. And as you can gather, most of the people who come there always need help with something (referral to doctor etc.), so I try to help them with that. Sometimes they just need an ear to listen to them. Anyway, so yeah, I'm on disability, but work part-time. Of course, if you want to get "back" on disability, I wouldn't have a job when applying. But you probably already know that.

Ok, I've gone on and on again. Sorry. My daughter called me last night to say she and the baby daddy were going to spend the night together. Ugh. I told her she just has to weigh the good against the bad, and decide which she would rather have. She said she's not going to get deeply involved with anyone for a year. Yeah, right. Ok ladies, you all have a good one.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Well here I go....Good afternoon all, I am brand new to this site and I have not done this before.I hope this is the right way to start. Any and all suggestions are very welcome.I'm nervous and I dont know why, I was diagnosed in 1997 however I became very ill(a bout of PCP phenomena) and ended up w/my CD4 count down to 7 and viral load in the millions.I'm MUCH better now CD4 up to 156 VL around 75,000.Thanks for providing a safe place to talk.

Welcome.I'm new to this site as well and this forum is a great way I have found to deal with my feelings.The women in this particular post have made me feel welcome and have already been helping with words of assurance and positive thoughts.I was diagnosed in the same year as you and only had 13 Cells. Don't be nervous we all have so many similar issues. My name is Susan and I'm from Brooklyn.

Betty-I wont knock myself too bad for smoking I just bought another pack on Newports! SMDH.You said you only got a bachelors in Psychology. I'm super proud of you after all you've been through. I'm currently looking to further my education and get my Masters in Social Work. The work that we do is so meaningful and powerful. I too work with men who were previously homeless and suffer from mental disorders.My heart is in Outreach but the more you move up the chain the further you get from Outreach in this field.And your right they always need someone to talk to. Anyway I'm so excited I have training tomorrow for my job and I will be off super early.I'm up for promotion next month I got my fingers crossed. As for your daughter we can never tell them what we really feel it always backfires.Shell find her way through if you continue to pray for her.

Welcome, Blair. Feel free to talk about anything you feel like unloading.

Summayya, good luck getting into the MSW program. I've been accepted into a master's level certificate in alcohol and drug counseling. I'm supposed to get into it in the fall. Hopefully I can make it through. It makes me very nervous. I'm always scared of failure.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

BT: Regarding your insomnia. My younger sister had problems getting to sleep and her doctor advised her to take one Benadryl (OTC) before going to bed. She does that 1/2 hour before she intends to go to sleep. It's very successful for her AND she's been doing it for many years now. Em

Hi Ladies,well I did my training today on Cultural Awareness and Identity.It was powerful.Not feeling so good diarrhea is acting up again.I came to the conclusion that I'm probably killing myself quicker by being non compliant with my meds and started taking them. I have so much to live for and a lot of living to do.Wish me luck I got the Isentress down and I'm ready.

Em, thanks for the suggestion. Yeah, I've heard of using Benadryl. And doctors also recommend that for addicts. I don't know yet if I'm going to try it; I think the insomnia is caused by the not smoking, and I can usually get pretty good sleep.

Summayya, I'm on Insentress and Truvada,is that what you're on? Good luck. I'm sure you'll be fine.

It stormed here pretty bad last night. A house had the roof torn off, and there's electric out all over. It was hot yesterday, in the 90's, and I guess that added fuel to the storm. Nothing much else going on. I believe we're in for more storms today. I've got to get a different color on my hair. I tried one yesterday, that was supposed to be just a highlighter, and now most of my hair is very light blonde. That's what I used to have, and I want it a bit darker. Light blonde is too hard to keep up, and I'm getting too old for this shit. Have a good one ladies.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

I'm on Truvada,Isentress andReyataz. On my way to the Mermaid Parade in Coney Island with my grandson.Should be fun.I hope everything alright after the storm Betty.I too want a new color n my hair.I often use extension when I want a new look.I wear lots of wigs as well.Good luck finding the right look. Well I'm off to takes my drugs.Later

Firstly, welcome to Summayya and Blair. I have been posting here since late 2007 when our long lost friend Cristy (cjc) started this thread. I still think of her, Drag and Wendy..... Glad to have Camms back!

I am exhausted today. I told Ice I am sick of all of the clutter in the house, lol. There's nowhere to put anything. We had the ankle biters this weekend but they should be leaving soon.

I have lost 12 pounds since May 17th with the first Biggest Loser weigh-in. I have only had one piece of chocolate and one piece of cake (Ice's 22yrs in AA), and no junk. I have maybe 2 Diet Cokes a week now. I use www.livestrong.com and www.caloriegallery.com to look up every damn thing I eat. I'm a numbers nerd so I have kept Excel spreadsheets for each day since 5/17.

I weigh in again tomorrow morning and I have done really well this past week, my weight FINALLY dropped into the 160's YAY! I haven't been in the 160's since early 2008. I am 5'5-1/2" tall. Right now I am washing all of my capris in warm bec they are too big now, so after 5 weeks, the gut has decided to shrink some!

I have had a sore throat on and off for a week but it may be pollen overload. Our AC system went on the fritz last Sunday and we bought a window unit on Monday for the bedroom. The house was stifling for a few days but we replaced the entire AC and furnace on Thursday. So much for paying off credit card debt. The unit in our house was too small to cool it down and the AC just gave up. A few neighbors on the street have gone thru the same thing. The builder did a shit job 6 years ago and has since gone bankrupt!

Betty, hang in there with all that's gone on with your daughter and with your knee. I feel so bad about all of the crap you have to deal with.

Queen, I miss you bunches and hope you are staying cool this weekend. Its hot as balls outside and I got heat exhaustion yesterday at the mall.

Ice has a red carpet event for us to go to for his bosses daughter on 6/26. I had to shop for a dress and was trying on long gowns. Nipped that in the bud and got a cocktail dress with some hoochie-mama shoes. Its too hot to wear floor-length, not like I go anywhere that special all the time, lmao. I would rather stay the hell home!

Its Sunday and I feel like I need my weekend, I haven't rested yet! I go to my dentist and endocrinologist tomorrow, so its a half day, just remembered, so maybe work won't be so bad!

Cin, good to hear from you. I couldn't imagine being without air during these past few weeks of skin-dampening humidity. Glad you guys were able to get it fixed. You know, I said I couldn't imagine it, but when I was growing up, we never had air, and somehow I survived. I think back then I didn't notice it as much. And congrats on the weight loss! That's wonderful. One of the hardest things, to me, is sticking to a diet. Especially since I quit smoking (again). Were you able to just dive right in, or was it hard at first for you?

Another week. We should probably know by the end of this week, (maybe), if the place I'm working at is going to make it. I know I've posted about it closing before, but last Thursday, the financial secretary said she had to look at the bank numbers, to make sure the church could make payroll this week. She said hopefully the church would take in a good offering Sunday so she could. That's not good. I was talking to one of my sisters yesterday, and she mentioned me finding another job. She doesn't understand that it's very hard for me to find one, because of my record. I told her the only reason I got this job is because the pastor knew me, and didn't require a background check. But, almost everything I see in the paper requires one, and I've never gotten a job where they've required one. Hopefully, by the end of the year, I maybe can start the process on getting this taken care of. Hopefully. Alright, that's it for me. You all have a good one.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Hey ladies, it's been a little while. I had been feeling depressed because of the physical stuff I was dealing with. I just read that Moffie passed away. I'm sad and confused. I had been reading when he first got sick. He had fevers and was checking in the doctors quite a bit.

Anyway, don't have much to say right now...hope you ladies are hanging in there.

Sorry I haven't really been commenting lately. I have been going through some personal issues which has left me a bit depressed. But I keep telling myself that this too shall pass and just trying to ride out the emotions I am feeling. And with Moffie passing, I have been nothing but tears and crying. I chalk it up to the bs I am going through but Moffie will be missed no doubt. If I could be half as brave as he was when it comes to this virus, I would be happy.

Cindy, It is always great to hear from you, gf. I am glad you are still losing weight. I have been too but it is because I drink a lot of grapefruit juice. I have found out from the diet thread in Off Topic that grapefruit juice does not mix well with hiv meds so I am guessing you don't drink it. I am still not on meds yet but like you, a lot of my clothes have gotten a little big.

Betty--- So, you're going to lose your job due to not enough funding? I swear I didn't see you post that but then everything has kinda been a blur with me lately.

Camms, I hope you get to feeling better soon. Physical stuff, especially if it's pain, is hard to go through.

Queen, sorry to hear you're depressed. PM me if you want to. Maybe I can brighten your day a bit? I truly do hope you start feeling better soon. And yeah, things do pass, but it's up until they pass that's hard to get through. Yeah, where I work they're losing money fast. It takes over $10,000/month to run the place, and they probably at the most, bring in $2000. I work for a church, who does work with street people (I don't know if you knew that or not, sorry). So, of course the street people don't have any money. And there's only like 45 people who come to church there on Sundays, so that doesn't generate a lot of income. I only know that, because I do their bulletin every week and put the #'s in there. The boss just did an article in the paper, mostly for our food pantry, which hardly has any food in it right now. It's gotten some interest, but mostly food, which doesn't pay the bills. We also have breakfast Monday through Thursday (free breakfast), and people can take showers, do laundry, and we have a "clothes closet" from which people get gently used, clean clothes (for free). I talk to many of them that are having problems with substance dependence, or mental health issues, both of which are extremely common in street people. Wow, sorry for the rant.

I also was very saddened to read about Moffie. I talked to him about a year and 1/2 ago, when I was in Arizona. He was a very nice man, and I know I'm going to miss him. I've cried a couple times. And I know he'll be missed around here. He's like an icon now. Alright ladies, have a good one.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Just checking in with you ladies. I am feeling better and just wanted to tell you so guys wouldn't be worried. And I am trying to reach Lvl 80 in Warcraft. I am so close to getting there too. I know you ladies have no clue what I am talking about so just nod ya head and act like ya do...

Queen - ha ha, I don't play anymore but when I got Resident Evil I played 15 hours to finish the game. I bought the ps2 for my ex husband and found myself completely engaged.

Betty- Thanks, I'm starting to suspect that vicodin was making me feel worse after a while. I figured I stopped vicodin and try another pain relief or method. I read on another post you take advil which I started and I never had a problem previously (I had been taking it until I read posts about how bad it was with Truvada). Stopping it really made me feel good. Well, I had my wisdom teeth pulled and the docs gave make 7.5 of vicodin which is very strong. I cut them in half, and I woke up this morning feeling like I was a 75 year old. My foks are almost 70 and I can guarantee they felt better than me. I did start lifting when I switched pain relievers and started a cardio program, and it made a difference. Today is the last day I'll be on this junk.

As for your church, I didn't realize the extensiveness of the outreach program. Such a shame. Sounds like a great program with a bad budget with little income. Or maybe a great budget, but if you don't have the income it's all for naught. You mentioned that your job is on the fence. Is that inevitable in the near future? You waited so long to find a job and now it's time so step back and think about a new job search. It must be frustrating. I've been there.....well, actually I'm kinda of there now.