Case Number 01072

Children Of The Corn

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All Rise...

Little known fact: Mattel's original concept for the Cabbage Patch Kids was "Children of the Corn," but it was thought it wouldn't sell outside of Iowa, and besides, football-shaped heads looked much less phallic. Where were we? Oh, Judge Patrick Naugle reviews this movie based on a Shephen King short story short enough to fit on a cereal box...most likely corn flakes.

The Charge

An adult nightmare.

Opening Statement

Stephen King has had almost all his books and short stories turned into
feature length films. Some have been exceptional (The Shawshank Redemption, Misery, Stand By Me), others are floating near the
bottom of the barrel (The Mangler,
Lawnmower Man). In 1984 the first of many short stories from his book
"Night Shift" was turned into a movie. Children Of The Corn
featured a then-unknown Linda Hamilton Terminator 2: Judgment Day)
and Peter Horton (Thirtysomething). A modest hit (grossing over $15
million at the box office) and an even bigger hit on home video, Children Of
The Corn bafflingly spawned six sequels and made everyone who lived in Iowa
and Nebraska nervous. My favorite studio, Anchor Bay, dishes up this 1984 flick
on DVD.

Facts of the Case

The town of Gatlin, Nebraska, has seen better days. Three years ago the local
children started listening to a demonic power that lives in the cornfields and
went forth slaughtering all the adults living in Gatlin. Now the town is
deserted and all the children follow Isaac (John Franklin) and his right hand
man Malachai (Courtney Gains), doing wacky ritualistic ceremonies such as
carving stars in their chests and sacrificing themselves to "he who walks
behind the rows." As you can guess, Gatlin is not the tourist attraction it
once was.

Driving through Nebraska's lush highways are a doctor, Burt (Horton), and
his wife, Vicky (Hamilton), on their way to a new life and a new job. Along the
way they hit a frenzied child who runs smack dab into their car's radiator.
After some inspection they notice he already had a slit throat before he was
hit. Amazingly, Burt deduces that something is amiss in the small town of
Gatlin.

They seem to run in circles trying to figure out what's going on, heading
from one run down gas station to another until they meet up with Isaac and his
band of misfit children. The group is able to kidnap Vicky, tying her up to a
cross made of corn stalk. They want Burt as well, for they are about to do a
sacrifice to "he who walks behind the rows." Burt, however, has other
plans, and they include getting his wife back and the hell out of Gatlin.

Burt's got a good idea…but will the corn devil let them leave? And can
you believe I actually used the words "corn devil" in a sentence?
[Editor's Note: Yes.]

The Evidence

Children Of The Corn is just barely treading water as a horror film.
This is not the most exciting way to spend an hour and a half of your life. The
bulk of the film is Burt and Vicky driving around looking for a way out of town,
and the rest of the film is of the children looking into the rows of corn
listening to Isaac say things like "so take you his life, and spill his
blood," and other such pontifications. Sure, there are a few times where
someone gets an old sickle to the temple, but otherwise Children Of The
Corn is pretty dull. Keep in mind that this was a very short story by King,
so when they scripted it for screen they had to beef it up a bit (apparently
making sure it was lean beef). I think that, as a rule, if a story is less than
25 pages long, let's not attempt to make it a feature-length film.

Peter Horton and Linda Hamilton work fine as the leads, but there's nothing
about their performances that makes you think, "Wow, these are two electric
actors giving great performances." In fact, I was hardly able to keep from
falling asleep during the middle portion of this film.

The rest of the cast is ho-hum, especially the children. John Franklin
(Isaac) sounds like he's reading from cue cards, and the rest of the kids sound
like the just learned their lines that morning. Courtney Gains, so funny and
creepy in Joe Dante's The 'Burbs,
recites his lines with a growl and whine, making his character extremely
one-dimensional.

The screenplay is based on Biblical principles (even the names of the
children, like Job and Isaac, are obviously taken from scripture), and "he
who walks behind the rows" is, I would assume, Satan. Why Satan would be
hanging around a cornfield in the middle of Nebraska with nothing better to do
is never explained. Apparently spreading a bubonic plague in East Africa seemed
like a boring way to spend the month for him.

For you horror buffs, there are some nice moments of tension and gore, but
it's kept at a minimum. The opening scene with the killing of the adults elicits
some chills, and I'm guessing it'll make you think twice about heading into a
small town coffee shop alone. The ending, however, leaves much to be desired.
Because of budgetary constraints the special effects are very poor, and we never
do get to see "he who walks being the rows." Then again, that may not
be a bad thing, as in King's original story he is described in only two
sentences.

Children Of The Corn is presented in anamorphic 1.66:1 and, for its
age and budget, looks good. The image is sometimes soft, and there are many
instances of color muting. Grain was also present, though not as bad as some
'80s movies on DVD. Blacks were solid though not always, and a bit of edge
enhancement was present. Anchor Bay has probably done the best they could,
especially considering what the source print probably looked like.

Children Of The Corn features the original soundtrack in Dolby
Digital 2.0, as well as a new remix in Dolby Digital 5.1. The remix sounds much
better than expected, though rear speakers were not utilized much. Dialogue was
clear and music/effects mixed well. The Dolby 2.0 soundtrack is not nearly as
effective as the 5.1, but if you're looking to watch the film the same way you
originally saw it, 2.0 is the way to go.

Extra features include a theatrical trailer, which makes the film look much
more exciting than it really is, as well as a sixteen-page collector's booklet,
featuring images from the film, as well as liner notes by Michael Flesher (yeah,
I don't know who he is either).

The Rebuttal Witnesses

Well, once again I have let my emotions take over, already giving you the
lowdown on the low parts of Children Of The Corn. This just wasn't a very
fun movie. There was hardly any humor, the effects were adequate at best, and
the performances are weak. I can't believe that this film actually produced five
different sequels. I think that, by rule of thumb, avoid any movie with a
vegetable in its title (Attack of the
Killer Tomatoes is excluded).

Closing Statement

For around $20-25 dollars Children Of The Corn is not worth the
purchase price. As a rental it's hard to recommend due to the fact that it's so
solemn and boring. I guess if you really want to know the story, go back and
read it in King's "Night Shift." Anchor Bay it commended is bringing
this title to DVD though.

The Verdict

Guilty of being a schlocky horror film. Anchor Bay is released on good
behavior for putting the title out.