This post follows on from Part 5 of the “I’ll have a large order…” series. The story continues directly.

THE (ALMOST) SEX

We got back, bag of weed in Kelly’s handbag. I went to sit on the couch. CCG came to sit behind me and started to rub my breasts through my dress. I didn’t protest but I didn’t co operate either. I just sort of sat there stiffly. I was tipsy, but nowhere near drunk enough for this. Kelly began to roll a joint. I thought that might help, so I said to CCG, “Just wait, I want to have some weed first.” Kelly said, “Yeah, slow down baby, Taylor likes it slow with lots of foreplay.” Not always actually, but I said nothing to contradict her. Anything that might keep him away from me for longer. I started feeling annoyed with myself. Why had I allowed myself to get into this situation, why hadn’t I spoken up earlier? Was sex with Kelly really worth this? Well it was too late now.

Kelly rolled a very large joint, badly. So badly that I started getting pieces of weed in my mouth. Apparently that one caramel vodka shot and the few sips of cider had made her drunk. I had forgotten how easily Kelly got drunk. The weed wasn’t bad, but it didn’t really calm me down enough. CCG continued to rub my breasts through my dress as I smoked it. The joint was finished all too soon, and there were no more excuses I could think up. It was time to try and do this. I realized I wasn’t at all wet, and that when we finally got naked, as was seemingly inevitable at this point, they would be sure to notice this. I tried to focus on Kelly. I moved away from CCG and leaned forward on the couch so that I could kiss her as she sat on the floor. I lifted my hands to rub her beautifully shaped breasts through her dress, while CCG moved towards me and started rubbing my ass, and trying to lift up my dress to pull my stockings down. I got down onto the floor next to Kelly, to avoid him. How he did not get any of these hints is beyond me. Maybe he did get them, and was too horny to care.

An idea suddenly came to me. Earlier in the day we had been chatting about porn stars that we liked, and had all three agreed how much we liked Andy San Dimas:

Andy

Oh yes, I love me some Andy.

I asked CCG if he had any Andy porn nearby we could watch. He said he did. I made out with Kelly some more as he found some. I reached underneath her knit top to pull it off over her head, and she took off her bra. I turned my head down intending to kiss her nipples, and realized she had had them both pierced since I had last seen her. I had never been with anyone with pierced nipples before. I reached my head down to her breasts and traced my tongue over her left nipple, tasting warm flesh and cold metal. She quivered slightly and arched her neck backwards. I ran my fingers through her hair, gripped it tightly and pressed my entire mouth down onto her nipple, suckling her, tracing my tongue back and forth repeatedly, with increasing force. She began to moan, and I felt myself starting to get wet. At last. CCG started the Andy video, and took off his shirt. He started to take off his belt, as Kelly reached out and undid mine. I looked at the large TV screen. Andy was having a pre-sex conversation with some young looking guy with a baseball cap on. Kelly stood up, wobbly on her feet and lifted me to mine. She reached down and pulled my dress off over my head. As she reached around my back to undo my bra I looked at CCG. He was totally naked now, and was stroking his hard-on. He was fairly pale all over his body, and uncircumcised. Kelly pushed me onto the couch, and I lifted my legs so that she could pull off my stockings. Andy was still talking. I wished they would get to the sex already, so that I had something to look at. CCG came to sit down next to me, and started to touch my nipples. I have very sensitive nipples, and so at first this actually felt good, but then he started to squeeze and pull on them, and I said, “Oww.” As Kelly slipped off her panties she said, “Baby, Taylor likes it gentle.” Now this, such as, “Taylor likes lots of foreplay and to take it slowly” is also not entirely true. Sometimes I like to be held down, to be spanked, to be tied up, to be fucked or licked vigorously, intensely. But I decided in this case, “gentle” was an okay word to go with, seeing as how CCG and Kelly seemed to be into a fair amount of pain, if the piercings, the random whip, and the Dominatrix outfits lying around in the lounge were anything to go by. He left my nipples alone and moved his hand down underneath my panties to put a finger inside me. It hurt a little, as I was still not that wet. He removed his hand and sucked his finger, saying “Oh my God you taste good.” Usually this sort of thing would turn me on immensely. In this case, it didn’t. I said nothing and looked at the TV again. Andy was sucking young guy’s cock. Finally, someone was getting some action, and enjoying it. I realized I was quite stoned, because everything seemed to be moving a lot slower than usual. Kelly reached forward and pulled my panties off. All three of us were now naked.

I stared at Kelly’s body. She was still as beautiful naked as I remembered. She was sitting with her legs apart, and I realized that she now also had a clit piercing. I shuddered slightly at the thought. I wanted to reach out and touch her, to feel her clit, and slip my fingers inside of her. But I realized CCG was saying something. “What?” I said. “I said, do you want to watch me fuck Kelly or do you want to taste me”, he said, gesturing to his cock. Instead of saying “Are those really my only two options”, I said, “I want to watch you fuck her.” He said, “Okay, but I want to taste you first.” “Didn’t your dentist say you can’t go down on anyone for a few weeks?” I said, but he responded, “I don’t care.” He got down on his knees and pretty much plunged his face into my cunt. Regardless of how unattractive I found him, I think that if the sexiest man/woman on earth tried to go down on me like that, I would be equally unimpressed. I lasted about 6 seconds and then said “Owww, sorry, but that is really sore.” Kelly smacked CCG on the arm, “Baby I TOLD you, Taylor doesn’t like it rough.” He pulled a face and said, “Fine,” moving behind Kelly and pushing her down onto all fours. She crawled towards me like that so that her face was positioned between my legs. CCG raised her hips to him and thrust into her. She crinkled her face up slightly at the penetration, and then raised her right hand to play with my clit. She licked her thumb and then began rubbing her thumb up and down on it. On the TV Andy was being fucked on a couch, her one leg almost raised behind her head. I tried to focus on Kelly touching me, and on Andy being fucked. I began to relax, and as Kelly raised her tongue to my clit, I moaned slightly and began to touch my nipples. Just as this was starting to really feel good, Kelly’s eyes began to droop and she dropped her hips down to the floor, causing CCG’s cock to slide out of her, and she rested her cheek against my inner thigh. She looked tired, and peaceful. I stroked her hair, feeling some kind of intense, indefinable emotion for her. “Kelly,” CCG said. She didn’t respond. “Kelly! Come on, Kelly!” But she had passed out, there was no point. He cursed and stood up. “Sorry Taylor,” he said, “we’ll have to continue this another time. I mean, you didn’t even get to taste her.” It was true, I hadn’t. I said nothing, and feigned sleepiness. He turned off Andy, who was in the process of sucking cock again, waiting to swallow the cum soon to be unleashed into her mouth. He reached down and lifted one of Kelly’s arms around his neck, and half carried half dragged her to the bed. I followed them through into the bedroom to make sure that she was okay. He put her into bed and she groggily asked for a bucket to be placed next to her. He went to get one, and I kissed her moist forehead, stroking her hair back behind her ear. She grabbed onto my arm and said, “Taylor, sleep with us.” And pulled me down into the bed next to her. I held her for a minute, and considered it, but then CCG came back, bucket in hand. He placed it next to her, and got into bed on next to me, so that I was in the middle. He said, “So you’ve come to join us, have you? Kelly pass me the condoms” Kelly was too passed out to respond, thankfully. I opened my mouth to protest but was cut off as he said, “Never mind, I’ll get them.” “Actually!” I nearly shouted. “Um, actually, I am feeling very tired.” I considered just trying to sleep there, but honestly I feared he might try to fuck me in my sleep. Nothing he had done up to this point had convinced me otherwise. I got up, mumbling, “Sorry, goodnight” and I closed the door behind me. I went over to the sex couch where I sat with my head in my hands for a moment. Then I got up, arranged the pillows, grabbed a folded up blanket from nearby, and turned out the light.

THE MORNING AFTER

I woke early. The sun streamed in through the white curtains into the lounge. I felt sick and hungover. My mouth was dry from the alcohol and the weed. I was hungry, but this wasn’t my house, and I didn’t feel comfortable raiding the fridge. I stumbled to the bathroom to pee, which was when I saw CCG’s entire upper denture in a glass on the basin. They creeped me out. I decided to at least look for something to drink, and I found a 2 litre Coke bottle in the fridge with about a fifth left inside it. I drank it. It was flat, but it helped a little. I heard movement in the bedroom, and I sprinted back to the couch, not wanting them to know that I was awake, not ready to deal with either of them yet. But no one appeared. I felt angry with myself. I should have been assertive. I should have said, Look, I don’t want to do anything sexual with you CCG, but please don’t take offense. I know that I was afraid of it being awkward if I did that, knowing I had to stay with them, and knowing that he was going to have to drive me home the next day. My own behavior confused me. I am usually so assertive, so forward. I made a decision then and there that, no matter how much I wanted to fuck someone, or no matter how much I cared about someone, I would not be willing to be sexually involved with their partner, if I was not attracted to them. I was going to learn from this.

I played on my phone for a while, quickly hiding it and pretending to be asleep when CCG did finally emerge. I cursed myself for not having put on clothes to sleep in, as I was still naked. He made a lot of noise in the kitchen, but I continued to feign sleep. Eventually the smell of coffee caused my caffeine addiction to kick in, and I pretended to “wake up”. I sat up, wrapping the blanket around my breasts, and stroking one of the dogs who had come to say hi, as CCG made me coffee, and making the following comment about my usage of the blanket, “It’s not like I haven’t seen it before.”

The morning that followed was mostly boring, coupled with many moments of awkward. One of these would be when one of their dogs licked the top of my breast that was showing out of the blanket, and CCG said, “Ooooh, I would love to be doing that.” This time not only did I say nothing, but I glared at him. Kelly made an appearance, looking exhausted and hungover. CCG immediately suggested we continue on from the night before. I said, “Actually, I am feeling very hungover and ill, and I really need to eat.” Kelly looked almost relieved, as she was still also feeling very ill. “I’m okay to go home now, if you’re okay to take me.” CCG said, “No, why don’t go buy some bacon and eggs and cook us all some breakfast?” “I don’t eat eggs.” I said. There was an awkward silence. Kelly said, “Well why don’t we all go out for breakfast?” I said, “Okay, will you be able to take me home after?” CCG said, “Well let’s come back here after and see what happens.” I said nothing, but sighed loudly. Nothing was going to happen, I had already decided. But going out for breakfast sounded like a good hangover cure. We went to a nearby diner. We didn’t talk much, as Kelly and I nursed our hangovers and CCG nursed his sexual frustration.

When we got back I asked if I could use the computer, claiming I needed to send an important email. Actually I just wanted an excuse to distract myself with, away from CCG. I messed around on the internet and facebook and then saw I had now gotten a friend request from CCG. I couldn’t exactly not accept it without pissing him or Kelly off, so I accepted it. I should have waited though, because he immediately started sending me messages on fb, from the other room where he was on his phone. He sent me, “God you are sexy. Do you want to fool around?” I closed my fb so that maybe he would think I hadn’t seen them. I opened a Wikipedia page and looked up some serial killers I had heard about recently on the crime channel, so that it looked like I was doing something at the pc. I decided it was time to talk to Kelly and tell her I wanted to go home. I called out for her. Shortly after, CCG appeared. I said, “I was just looking for Kelly.”

“She’s sleeping.”

“Oh,” I said. He came to look at my screen. “You’re looking up serial killers?”

“Yes.”

“That’s hot,” he said, and laughed. I said nothing.

He came to sit next to me and said, “You know we don’t need to wait for Kelly to wake up. I want to rip those pants right off of you, right now.”

I swallowed. I said, “The thing is, I am still very tired, and not feeling so great, so I don’t really feel like doing anything. Sorry.”

He stared at me for a while, as I stared at the floor.

“Maybe when she wakes up then,” he said. I said nothing. He got up, and he left the room.

I hid in there for an hour until Kelly woke up. I went through to the lounge to sit next to her, and rest my head on her shoulder. I touched her leg and said, “Kelly, it’s been lovely seeing you, but I need to get back to my brother’s house.” “Are you sure?” She said. I shrugged and said, “Yeah.” Kelly said to CCG, “Baby can we take Taylor home now?” He looked at me and said, “So you don’t want to do anything?”

“I really just want to get home,” I said.

And so he stomped around the house getting dressed. I leaned to Kelly’s ear and whispered, “Why is he getting ready so aggressively?”

Kelly shrugged and said, “Oh. He is just grumpy and pissed off because he didn’t get laid.”

“I see.”

They drove me home in silence, apart from CCG’s metal music blasting throughout the car. I reached from the backseat and slipped my hand passed the passenger seat and held Kelly’s hand the whole way there.

AFTERMATH

I did not see them again while I was in Place by the Sea for the next few days. Ron and I moved down to Place by the Sea in early December. CCG and Kelly got married 2 weeks later. We were 2 of the 4 people there who were Kelly’s friends. The rest were all CCG’s friends, increasing my thinking that she is becoming more and more isolated. She looked more beautiful than I had ever seen her. I got drunk at their wedding to cope.

On New Year’s Eve I sent Kelly a message asking if we could finally go out on some sort of date and talk about the possibility of restarting our relationship, which is what she had brought up when I had previously visited. She did not respond. A few days later I sent her a message asking her about. She responded that she was “thinking about it.” I was confused by this response, as she was the one who had brought it up originally. Every time I have tried to initiate plans with her alone, so that we can talk about the fact that I want a relationship with her, and only her, not CCG, she has avoided it, and wanted to invite him along, at which case I have then backed out. It’s now been over a month and I still haven’t seen her. If she is unwilling, or he is unwilling to let her, have a relationship with me without his involvement, then there will be no relationship. As fucked up as that makes me feel.

Kelly said, “No that story is embarrassing, it makes me look bad!” To which CCG responded, “No it doesn’t, it’s funny. But you don’t have to tell it.” “Well you’ve brought it up, so I have to tell it now.” she said. The story that CCG was so desperate for Kelly to recount to me was that, after their first date they went back to her place, and apparently CCG was being respectful and not presuming anything was going to happen. They had been kissing in the kitchen when apparently Kelly had said, “Stop being so fucking subtle” and pulled him by the collar into her bedroom. I don’t know why CCG was so desperate for me to hear this story, perhaps he was trying to show me how sexually desirable he was. It wasn’t working.

I excused myself and went to the bathroom. The walls were obviously very thin, or perhaps they were just talking very loudly, because I could hear them while I was in there. CCG said, “I can see why you keep her.” Um, what? Am I a pet? A sex slave? Is he saying he sees why she keeps me as a friend? How would he know? He has known me for twenty minutes. Kelly responded, “I know right, she is awesome.” I smiled at this, and waited to see if they would say anything else, but it was quiet. So I rinsed my hands, and went to resume my place on the sex couch.

CCG did not leave us alone for one second that afternoon. I told Kelly about the tough year I was having, the fallout I had had with many friends not understanding my polyamory and judging me for it. That I had had to quit my bartending job to avoid certain people who had hurt me to such a level that I couldn’t be in the same room as them (will do a long post about this stuff in detail at some point. A man named Theo broke my heart over and over again this year, and basically lived in the bar where I worked). We chatted about my views that society can’t handle sexually positive and overt females and so tries to slut shame them. I also spoke about the struggles I was having with my thesis. CCG tried to involve himself constantly on every topic. He repeatedly interrupted both Kelly and I. Kelly would respond with, “Babe, I’m talking.” Or “Babe I’m in the middle of a sentence” but he would just ignore her, and carry on talking over her. I tried to keep talking when he interrupted me, focusing my speech at Kelly, because I really didn’t care what CCG had to say or thought about what I was saying. His interjections sounded as though they were directly copy-pasted from Wikipedia to his lips. I find this a lot with people who are desperate to be thought of as smart: They use very big words and phrases they have memorized, for example, he kept saying, “yes it’s an ad hominem fallacy”. Why not just say, “yes, they’re attacking you personally instead of engaging with your argument/belief system.” It means the same thing. Using big words does not make you smart, and in this case, it made him look like a pretentious douche. Because he repeated that phrase about 7 times.

He also repeatedly told me how attractive I was, how he could see why Kelly was so attracted to me, and asked if I would be keen to “play around” with both of them later that evening. I tried to avoid the questions, because, yes I wanted to sleep with Kelly, but I did not want to sleep with CCG. I didn’t want him anywhere near me. So I either ignored the questions, or laughed and then changed the subject. At one point, perhaps CCG is not as obtuse as I thought, and was getting the hint, CCG said, “Of course, if just you and Kelly want to reconnect alone together I would be okay with that. I would be really upset, and I would probably listen at the door, but I would be okay with it.” I so desperately wanted to say, “Yes that’s what I want!!! Thank you! Thank you!” But I didn’t say anything. I don’t really know why. Maybe I have a problem being assertive. Maybe I didn’t want to hurt CCG’s feelings, let him know how unattractive I found him to his face. I think it was a combination of those, as well as being in their personal space and wanting to keep Kelly happy. And when CCG said this, Kelly didn’t say anything. Which seemed to indicate that if any sex was to happen, she wanted CCG to be involved. History was repeating itself: If I wanted to fuck Kelly, I was going to have to let the creepy man she was attracted to be involved.

Kelly cooked us supper, it was an ostrich stew with rice. I had never eaten ostrich before, and didn’t really like the taste of it, but I didn’t want to offend her so I ate most of it. While we ate we watched “Rock of Ages”, the three of us on the couch, with Kelly, thankfully, in the middle, so that I could easily brush against her and smell the sweet combination of her sweat and her skin. I’d never seen Rock of Ages before, I found it entertaining and enjoyed a lot of the music, occasionally singing along to some of the songs (yes, I am one of THOSE people). At one point CCG said, “Oh, she knows Whitesnake! What a turn on.” I feel as though someone needs to sit CCG down and just tell him he is trying way too hard. When the movie ended CCG came to sit next to me and asked, “So are you keen for anything to happen?” I swallowed. I realized there was another reason I found him so unappealing, and that was his accent and his lisp. I won’t mention his exact accent as I don’t want to give away too much about my actual location, but it isn’t one I find particularly appealing. And there was something very strange about the way he moved his mouth and formed his words, something almost childlike, which seemed very odd on this grown, hairy, bearded, pierced, 2 tone hair-dyed man. I had picked up on it right away, and couldn’t stop focusing on it. I once found someone with a lisp really attractive, so maybe it was just that it was the lisp, combined with the accent, combined with his general demeanor and eagerness. I felt like quite a bitch when I discovered why he had the lisp. It had come up in conversation that afternoon that CCG had taken 2 weeks leave recently due to needing dental surgery. Apparently his inept dentist had put braces on him as a young child without realizing that his milk teeth hadn’t fallen out yet, and with nowhere to go, his adult teeth had grown up into his upper jaw, while his milk teeth rotted and decayed. Thus his entire top row of teeth was actually a denture, but I didn’t realize this til the next morning when I saw them soaking in a glass on the basin. But even with the backstory, and knowing it made me a bitch, I still found it really unappealing. He had also mentioned that since he had had this surgery so recently, he wasn’t allowed to use his jaw much, and so he couldn’t go down on anyone for a while. I celebrated in my head, hoping this meant that he wouldn’t try to engage with me too much.

In response to his question, “So are you keen for anything to happen?” I said, “Um, it’s likely, but I want to go out first. I’m almost never in this town and I want to go out”. In reality, I wanted more alcohol to make me feel less awkward. The glass of wine with supper had not been enough. He said, “Okay but kiss me first.” So I did. He had a very big mouth and he kind of slobbered on me a lot around my mouth from opening his mouth too wide. I pulled away from him as quick as I could without seeming rude, and then Kelly pulled me toward her and kissed me. It lasted for much longer and she tasted distantly familiar. After we broke apart she said, “I’ve been wanting to do that since you walked in the door.” I smiled at her. CCG broke in and said, “We can go out but we don’t have any money, we only have our wedding fund, and we can’t spend any of that.” So I offered to buy them each a drink, because I desperately wanted to get out of the house for a bit, and I hoped that maybe at a bar I might be able to get Kelly alone a bit more. They agreed, and while Kelly and I put on some make-up, CCG put on some of the scariest metal plated platform shoes I have ever seen. Having had my right foot cracked by a man wearing a shoe very similar to that in 2007, I prayed he would be keeping his feet away from me. Kelly then put on some ridiculously high stilettos. Apparently having the alcohol tolerance of a small squirrel Kelly appeared to be already stumbling all over the place after only one glass of wine, and her chosen shoes for the evening were not helping.

We got into CCG’s car and he drove us to a smoky bar, his metal music blasting the whole way there making conversation impossible. The night was hot and a gust of humid air hit us as we got out the car so that we were sweating by the time we entered the bar. I got us each a drink, flirting with the bartender a little because now I was in a flirty, come hither mood. CCG made a point of putting an arm around both of us as much as possible, as if to say to ever other man in the room, “Yup, they’re BOTH mine. Wanna compare dick size now???”. This annoyed me to no end. Yes I had resigned myself to probably having to fuck him, but I did not feel like being paraded around as this asshole’s trophy. So I kept claiming that the alcohol had “gone straight through me” and dragging Kelly off to the bathroom with me, where, thankfully, CCG could not come in (well, not unless he wanted a lot of dirty looks from all the girls in it.) We locked ourselves into a stall and made out for ten minutes, until eventually CCG came knocking on the main bathroom door shouting out for us to hurry the fuck up.

CCG then made a point of making out with us each in turn, and then expecting us to make out in front of him. It all felt quite staged, but I went along with it, enjoying kissing Kelly, and allowing CCG to slobber on me as long as was polite. I did not hide the fact that I wiped mouth every time after he kissed me. When I went to buy us some shots the bartender asked me why I was kissing everyone, and I just shrugged. He asked me if I would kiss him, and I said, sure okay, but then a woman appeared behind the bar and he whispered that that was his girlfriend and that he would try to find me later.

I had the sudden urge to smoke. Maybe it was the horniness, the feeling of being watched in a bar, all the smoke around me, the alcohol, but I needed a cigarette. I hadn’t smoked in 2 weeks, I had been trying to quit, and it turned out CCG had also been trying to quit, and hadn’t smoked in 3 months. I didn’t care. I found the box of cigarettes still in my handbag from weeks before and realized there was only one left. I said to CCG, “I’m sorry, I know you’re trying to quit, but I need one. I will just have the one.” He said, “It’s fine, just give me a drag because otherwise you will taste bad.” I wished I did, maybe then he would stop. He took several drags, and the cigarette was soon gone. I craved another. I spotted a relatively attractive man in his forties smoking and I sauntered over and asked him for a cigarette. He was very obliging. I leaned forward so that he could light my cigarette, and enjoyed the attention he was giving me. I realized that Kelly and CCG were arguing about something, so I entertained myself for the next half an hour or so by seeing how many of the men in this bar would give me a cigarette. Now, in the small town I am from, I am not considered that attractive. The people who do know about my polyamory, most of them think it is odd, some have gone as far as to call me a “whore”. Maybe it is the fact that I have lived here for 6 years and everybody knows everyone in this tiny student town, so there is nothing novel about me anymore. But it seems as though every time I go to a big city I am leered at by men. It’s refreshing. It’s an ego boost. I realized that I could probably have slept with quite a few people at that bar if I had wanted to. This made me feel good.

Eventually I wondered back to CCG and Kelly to find out what was going on, and because I was starting to get bored. They both stood up as I arrived and CCG said, “Just wait here, we need to go and draw money.” And so they just left me there, before I could say, “I thought you didn’t have any money?”. So I sat in the corner smoking my many cigarettes which I had accumulated for about twenty minutes until they reappeared. They said, “Let’s go”, but I said I had money for one more drink why don’t we share it? And they agreed. I got one more drink, and left it with CCG for a bit, who also took my cigarette out of my hand, and Kelly and I went to the bathroom for a bit. She didn’t seem shy about peeing in front of me, and so I did the same, but there was nothing sexual about it.

By the time we got back CCG had finished both the drink and the cigarette. Oh well, guess it was time to leave then. I realized they were still fighting as we got into the car and CCG punched something into the GPS. It was going something like this:

CCG: But it’s our wedding fund and now we have to go there in the middle of the night.

Kelly: Babe, but I am jonesing for one so bad! Please don’t be mad at me!

CCG: But you’re already drunk!

Kelly: Yes, but I want a joint!

They continued like this for quite a while ad nauseum. We arrived at some affluent suburb, CCG’s music still blaring, trying to locate the drug dealer. Kelly the number she had for him, and a phone rang somewhere to our right. He was standing behind a large gate. As he let us in, he said, “Jees, you guys were making such a noise.” We had just been told off by a drug dealer.

In 2009 I met a girl, let’s call her Kelly. I didn’t know it then, but she would become the benchmark by which I would measure all women I would later be attracted to. I was instantly attracted to Kelly and was very pleased to discover that she, too, was bisexual. We both took part in a nude photo exhibition as part of a “My Body My Choice” campaign and ended up hanging out a lot during the process – plus when the photos were exhibited we got to see each other in various states of undress. We’d now seen each other naked and it wasn’t awkward, thankfully.

Kelly appeared to be as drawn to me as I was to her. There was just one problem: Kelly did not know what the fuck she wanted! Having gotten out of a 6-year relationship which imploded about a year earlier, Kelly had since been playing the field and not committing to anything. In 2009 I had not yet begun exploring polyamory, I wanted a committed exclusive relationship. I wanted Kelly to be my girlfriend. And Kelly wanted to fuck people. A lot. And so Kelly and I began fooling around, hanging out a lot, cuddling, making out, groping. We hadn’t had sex yet. One night we were out in a group of friends and Kelly had brought along this weasel of a man with a ponytail whom she apparently found attractive

DISCLAIMER: I later started sleeping with this weasel of a man, so I eventually understood the attraction. That doesn’t change the fact that he is a douche, and also, quite slimey. I just have a penchant for slimey, douche weasels.

But at this stage I found SlimeyMan to be quite unappealing. He was drooling all over Kelly, and she appeared to be very into it. She was also acting really into me though, groping both of us at this bar we had gone to, the rest of the group having disappeared realizing that something strange was going on with the three of us. At one point SlimeyMan went to the bathroom, and Kelly kissed me, then said “Taylor, I can’t make up my mind. I want you both. Could we all go to your place?” I have never been very good at saying, “No” to people I am really attracted to and desperately want to fuck, and I realized that if I wanted to fuck Kelly, it appeared that I was going to have to fuck SlimeyMan too, or at least let him be involved. I had had one threesome before, when I had just turned 18, and it had been awkward, and with a couple who had broken up. She had been into him, he was into me, and then she hated me. So, it was not a pleasant threesome. I did not know what to expect from this one, but I was afraid it would be just as awkward. Both SlimeyMan and I really wanted to fuck Kelly, and were relatively indifferent to one another.

So we went back to my place to fuck. I proceeded to drink more than I usually would, trying to give myself some courage and force myself to relax. I suggested we stay in my lounge and do it on the couch, as my room was in total chaos, and I had hidden all the random shit and hung up washing in there in case I had people over, and they wouldn’t think I was a crazy hoarder who never cleans up. Kelly wanted to fuck on my futon though, so she insisted on going into my room, and carrying my washing and any other random shit lying on the bed – which included dirty clothes, random books, shoes and other embarrassing shit which are a reminder of the mundane, everyday life as opposed to being even remotely related to fun or sexiness – into the lounge. Once she was satisfied my room was now suitable, she dragged us both into it. I can’t really remember much of this threesome to be honest, I had drunk far too much and it happened nearly 4 years ago now. I remember it not being as awkward as I thought it would be, I remember wanting to focus on Kelly, but trying to do stuff with SlimeyMan also to try and make the threesome work, and make her happy. That’s one of the things about my relationship and friendship with Kelly, I’ve always wanted to give her what she wanted. I remember kissing her breasts and playing with her clit while he fucked her. I remember him going down on me at one point, very roughly so I didn’t enjoy it. I remember making out with her a lot, and a little with him. I remember going down on her while he fucked me at one point. I also remember I didn’t come at all that night. Things were strained, and a bit awkward the next morning. They both kissed me goodbye, and I remember feeling relieved when I had my house to myself again. I was also elated at having been able to get so physically close to Kelly the night before.

It had certainly been an experience, but it wasn’t something I had enjoyed very much overall. Thankfully things did not become awkward between Kelly and I; in fact, shortly after the threesome, she told me she had real feelings for me, and that maybe after we got back from the 2 week vacation coming up we could try being in an actual relationship. I was ecstatic. The threesome compromise had paid off, and she had chosen me. She went to Place by the Sea for her holiday, and I went to Tiny Annoying Town to see my parents for a while. Kelly and I chatted a lot over text for the first week, but suddenly she got really quiet. At first I didn’t think anything was up, and didn’t really mind. But I did miss her a lot, and was looking forward to getting back to see her. And then on the Friday before term was to start again, I noticed the following on facebook: Kelly is now in a relationship with Some Random Man. I couldn’t believe it. I was hoping it was a joke, like how friends sometime pretend they are married or dating or whatever on facebook because they think it’s amusing.

It wasn’t a joke. As soon as I got back I asked Kelly if I could see her, and she said “Yes, that’ll be good, I’ve missed you and also, there is something I need to tell you.” I already knew, she had made it facebook public for fucksakes. She told me she was devastated to hurt me, but that over the holiday she had met “the man she was going to marry.” I think I was quite pathetic. I cried a lot, and we hugged a lot, and we lay on her bed together. I remember resting my head on her breast. She would always wear these soft knit jerseys, and she smelt like perfume and wool and skin. How she went from total commitment phobia to “I’m going to marry this man, even though I have only known him for 2 weeks, and we’re starting our relationship by making it long distance” I don’t know. But she wanted him, she had decided, and it was final. We agreed to stay friends, but we parted ways romantically at that stage. At the end of that year, she finished her degree and moved back home to Place by the Sea. I stayed on to do my post-grad. Although we stayed in contact, we wouldn’t see each other in person again until this year.

CREEPYCREEPYGUY aka OH GOD WHY?

Kelly did not marry Some Random Guy, they broke up after about a year and a half. The mean, jealous part of me felt somewhat vindicated by this, even though I was now in a relationship with Ron. I never met Some Random Guy, and she has never really told me too much about why they broke up, but I know that they fought a lot. Kelly’s taste in men has always sucked horribly (although I’m one to talk I guess), and she is currently engaged to be married to CreepyCreepyGuy (CCG for short). The wedding is to take place in December, God help us all. Why such an incredible creature has decided to become legally attached to CCG, one can only speculate, for there cannot be a logical answer. I had only seen photos of CCG before this year, and on meeting him, my original opinion of his unattractiveness was confirmed.

DISCLAIMER: My dislike for CCG is not subtle, I find him very unattractive and very unappealing. However, my dislike for him may have been intensified by my intense feelings for Kelly, and jealousy that he gets to share her life in a way that I don’t, as her primary partner. So feel free to read all of my encounters and descriptions of him through that lens. My descriptions of events are entirely honest, however. And he really is a douche.

To give you a bit of a timeline, having met up and slept with The Shy Boy from Chapter 1 on Thursday night, and spent the day with him Friday, I went to stay with Kelly and CCG on Saturday night. Kelly and I had, separately, both started exploring Polyamory this year, and so I wasn’t sure what to expect when I went to go and see her. I knew that I was still attracted to her, and still feel as though she never really gave our relationship a chance; but all of our text and facebook communication had been friendly, and not overtly flirty. Perhaps we were both too scared to broach the subject before the meeting. She lives with CCG in a small flat in a large complex about 30 minutes drive from my brother’s place. Thus she suggested that he drop me off. I would stay for supper and a movie, stay over, and then she and CCG would drive me back the next day.

Not sure what to expect; I tried to accentuate the stern but sexy librarian look again: wearing a grey and black knit dress (because I know how much Kelly loves knits), tight fitting with a loose polo neck (so no visible cleavage), and a belt as usual to give me the appearance of an hour glass figure. I wore my red hair up in a tight bun, some patterned leggings, black boots and bright red lipstick. I felt attractive, but not overtly sexual. I hadn’t brought any matching underwear with me on this trip – because I actually had no idea I would be getting naked in front of people as much as I did when I packed – and so turquoise panties and a purple wonderbra were going to have to do. Having learnt something from the Scott incident, I packed quite an extensive overnight bag, this time fully prepared for the weather to change. I was not going to have to trek through mud again in 3 quarter pants, that was for sure.

I was dropped off at the gate to Kelly’s apartment complex, and told my brother he could go. I texted Kelly that I had arrived. The wind was bitingly cold, making my eyes water and going straight through the knit of my dress to my skin. It made my nipples hard, and I hoped that Kelly and CCG wouldn’t notice. While I waited, a car drove out and the gate opened, and so I wondered in. I had no idea what number apartment Kelly was in, so I just loitered in the parking lot for a while. I knew that she lived with CCG, and had not yet met him at this stage, but I hoped that maybe he wouldn’t be there, or that he would be willing to give us some space so that we could catch up just the two of us. Sex wasn’t really even on my mind at this point, I just wanted some time alone with Kelly after all these years apart. I was suddenly aware of the huge overnight bag at my side, and I hoped Kelly wouldn’t think I was trying to move in permanently. And then I saw her. She’d walked down some stairs and stepped out into view, her hair pulled back into an easy ponytail. She was beaming at me. I beamed back and she shouted, “Hello you!” and pulled me into a tight hug. I closed my eyes as the smell of her brought back memories; desires for her which had been long since filed away into a distant folder.

We immediately fell into an easy, comfortable space, as if we hadn’t been apart at all. As we made our way up the stairs to her flat, she asked me how I was, and I began to recount the Scott story to her, explaining to her how I was really sad that he had promised to text me, and hadn’t. We entered her small flat, and it was in chaos. Her kitchen and lounge were in one room, separated by a counter, and both were filled with clothes, washing, gaming consoles, and general paraphernalia. I didn’t mind much, as this tends to be how I live. She also has 2 small dogs and 2 cats. As I was about to lean down to pat the dogs, a man appeared out of a room to my left. I had seen pictures of him, and I could tell by his two-tone hair (half of his hair is dyed bright pink, and the other bright blue. I think he is going for like a punky look?) down to his shoulders that this was CCG. And he had no pants on. Seriously, he knew I was coming over, knew Kelly had gone to let me in, and he had no pants on. No freaking pants! Just underwear. This was actually a good introduction to his personality: a kind of forceful, I don’t care if I make you feel uncomfortable, you WILL pay attention to me attitude. He said, “Sorry! I was just on a conference call, and didn’t have a chance to get dressed.” Kelly laughed and said, “Taylor this is CCG, CCG this is Taylor.” “Hi.” I said.

“Hi” he said, smiling, and then disappearing into their bedroom.

Kelly led me to their couch which has been set up in front of a large television, hooked up to a computer. We chatted some more about Scott, as I was bombarded by her dogs, and I began to tell her about what sleeping with Scott had been like. This might seem odd, but Kelly and I have always been extremely open with each other when it comes to talking about our personal lives. Besides, I’m always accused of oversharing. Thankfully she doesn’t seem to see it that way. Kelly was in the middle of telling me she didn’t think I would be hearing from Scott again, based on his behavior, and that I should try to forget about him, when CCG walked into the room and literally interrupted her in the middle of her sentence. He did this a lot while I was there. In fact you could play a drinking game: Take a shot every time CCG interrupts someone midsentence, take a double when it is his own fiancé. You would be catatonic and in need of a liver transplant within about 2 hours. As he came into the room I realized that their bedroom door had been open and he had been listening to every word I had said. He plonked himself down on a stool in front of us and said, “I want to hear more of the story.” I responded, “Well that’s pretty much the whole thing. Something I was hoping would be more seems to have turned into a one-night stand.” He responded, “Well, he is an idiot. You know if you lose those clothes later maybe Kelly and I could help you forget all about him.”

I nearly fell off the couch. Here I was, his fiance’s sort of ex-girlfriend, whom he had JUST met 6 minutes ago, and he had already proposed a threesome. I remember thinking “Holy shit I am going to be stuck with him, because I have to stay here tonight.” Kelly laughed and said, “Baby, that has to be the fastest you’ve ever propositioned someone. Taylor, you’ve inspired a new record.” Not knowing what else to do I laughed and said, “Yeah, what was that, like a whole 6 minutes?” CCG said, “Well, we’ve been having some good success with threesomes lately. In fact just last weekend we were fucking another girl right where you are sitting” he said, gesturing at me. He turned to Kelly, saying, “And, what’s wrong with that? I mean she came in here talking about sex.”

Okay fine, yes I did. But to KELLY. Someone I have known for 4 years. Someone I have been intimate with, and have a friendship with. And even if I did start talking about sex immediately to a total stranger, does that automatically mean I am easy, that I will be happy to be immediately propositioned by and fuck that stranger? Apparently in CCG’s world, yes. Yes, it does.

Not yet sure how I felt about sitting right where they had apparently been fucking someone – although I am sure we all do this every day, having no idea – I said, “Yes, I did come in talking about sex because I was trying to ask Kelly for advice.” He ignored that comment and said, “Hang on, babe, is this THE Taylor?” He turned to me without waiting for a response from Kelly, “Are you THAT Taylor?” Having no fucking idea what he was referring to, I just raised my eyebrows while Kelly said, “Yes, she is that Taylor.”

“Awesome!” CCG said. ”I get to meet the woman you had your first threesome with! And wow, I can see why.” Kelly laughed at this, apparently used to CCG being horribly embarrassing. Well, she must be, if she is going to marry him. I laughed awkwardly, suppressing my urge to bolt out of the room as I really wanted to spend time with Kelly. I said, “Yeah I guess I’m that Taylor.” He raised his hand to me, expecting a high five, while saying, “So I guess I have you to thank for the fact that my wife-to-be is so kinky.” Not knowing what else to do, I gave him a lackluster high five. I became conspicuously aware that he was staring at my breasts. If he could have been drooling, he would have been. It wasn’t subtle either, he didn’t care that I knew he was staring at them. He was literally leaning forward on his stool, eyes locked on my chest. I found some great renditions of what CCG looks like in my head:

(Those artists are all awesome, go check out their pages.)

Now I am forward, and I overshare a lot, but Holy Hell I had never experienced someone this blatant and forward before in my life. Desperate to fill the awkward, breast staring silence, I said, “Wow I haven’t thought about that threesome in a long time. You know I was only sleeping with SlimeyMan because I wanted to sleep with you?”

Kelly smiled at this, and said “I know, and I love you for it. Looking back I had a much better time with you, I should have just chosen to go home with you. But it certainly was an experience.”

I smiled back at her, saying, “Yes it was.” I was elated that she had said that she loved me for it. Present tense, not past. She reached out and touched my shoulder, saying, “I was so happy to hear that you guys might be moving here next year. And also that you and Ron are polyamorous now. I feel like, we never really got to explore, you and I. We never really got the chance to fully experience our relationship.” I bit back a response that, yes, that was because she had chosen someone else over me. “And if you move here, maybe that’s something we could try and explore again.” As she said those words, I realized I had desperately been hoping for this, desperately hoping she would still want me. That it wasn’t just me who had been asking, “What if?” all these years. I grinned at her, placing my hand over hers, and said, “I’d like that.”

At this point CCG piped up, saying, “Hey Kelly did you ever tell her about our first date? You should tell her that story!” Oh for fucksake, I forgot he was still here!

To be Continued…

In Chapter 2 Part 2: TRYING TO TAKE THE PLUNGE and THE (ALMOST) SEX.

In Chapter 2, Part 3: THE MORNING AFTER and AFTERMATH aka NEEDING TO MAKE BETTER DECISIONS AND BE MORE ASSERTIVE.