When God changed my heart

If you’ve known me for any amount of time, I’m sure that you’ve heard me say that I don’t want children. I’ve expressed that sentiment over and over again.

I love doing whatever I want and not having much responsibility. I love spending my money on me and not having to worry about school fees or buying new basketball shoes. I love not having to worry about children because the world is so evil (that’s really the biggest reason). I love the time alone that God has given me and I didn’t want to let any of this go, until recently.

Something changed and I’m not sure what or when exactly.

Ever since my book came out I’ve been asking God, “Where are we going” and “What do you want me to do?” No response. But my heart has changed in that time.

Something I was so against having in my life is now something my heart desires, and I’m not sure why. Maybe God is getting me ready for something. Maybe I just needed some time to grow up. Maybe He wants something for me that I wasn’t so sure I wanted for myself.

I am getting older and I no longer desire to be alone for the rest of my life. I have grown up in a wonderful family and I now want that very thing for myself. I never thought I’d get to this point.

I now desire to hear, “Daddy” when I get home from work or have my child throw their arms around me after a long day. I desire to see my child be saved and live for the Lord. I want to see what they like and what they don’t. I want to go on family vacations and see the world through their eyes. I want to love deeper than I ever have before. I want to be a part of something bigger than myself.

Life isn’t about me and that’s the very reason why I hope to share it with someone else. First, I must be married but maybe God wanted me to get to this point beforehand. Maybe He wanted me to get here on my own so I wouldn’t mess up anything that He has for me in the future. Who knows?

I know God has a plan. He has already proved that time and time again. I can only hope that I am everything God wants me to be so that I can love my future wife and children the way He wants me to. I know there’s nothing stronger than the love of a Father.