Sanford firms Weiner’s election ambitions

New York, NY – Disgraced former Congressman Anthony Weiner is drawing inspiration from disgraced former Governor Mark Sanford’s recent election to Congress in announcing his run for mayor of New York City.

Weiner: “I can only hope to be able to poll like this guy does.”

“To see the comeback that Mark Sanford engineered is truly inspiring,” said Weiner in his official announcement on Tuesday. “His career was done. It was limp, flaccid, and had retreated out of the public eye, but Sanford demonstrated that with the proper technique and attention to detail, even a career that seemed to have been completely spent can be brought back to life. Now he’s polling stronger than ever — that’s the kind of happy ending I’m shooting for in this race.”

Weiner resigned from Congress in 2011 after it was revealed that he had been tweeting pictures of his penis to a variety of women other than his wife.

Sanford, on the other hand, quietly slipped off to Argentina for a week or so, leaving South Carolina without a governor, so he could meet up with his South American mistress.

Sanford did not appear to be appreciative of the recognition by Weiner.

“I’m happy for him that he feels ready to resume his political career,” said Sanford, “but he and I could not be more different, and not just politically. I would never send pictures of my penis to anyone over the internet, that’s just tacky. I’ve found that the best thing to do if you want someone to see your penis is to let the taxpayers fly you and your penis a few thousand miles so you can show it to your lover in person. And it’s that kind of personal touch I’m planning on bringing back to Congress, representing South Carolina’s First Congressional District.”