A SOULS JOURNEY

Change is inevitable. There is no moment just like the one that is happening right now. You will never be the same age as you are right this second. Life is constantly evolving. This we know. So why do we so often resist change as if it is our enemy?

I heard an interesting summary about energy and change lately that really stuck with me. I was listening to a blockage clearing workshop by Christie Marie Sheldon and as with a lot she says, it is the way she says it that seems to just get through to me.

We (humans) are just a mass of energy; vibrating molecules constantly in a state of change…So when we get stuck, when we resist change – just IMAGINE how much energy that takes to try and fight against the natural state. The natural state of constant change.

Yet here we are, fixed in our minds, fixed in our beliefs, fixed in our actions and fixed in our day to day routines and programming that we are conditioned to believe is the only way to live our lives. Many of us are now awakened to the notion that we are not fulfilled in the lives we are leading. But most of us want a quick fix and seek these short term solutions or bold promises of inner peace, a life of abundance and change in “x” amount of time. And then when they don’t work – FAST – we give up hope and go back to the old way. The conditioned way. But what if we re-framed the way we look at the concept of change. What if we appreciated that we are in fact innately wired to go with the flow. That it is purely environmental conditioning that has lead us to consider otherwise.

This road to finding self is by far and away the most important thing a soul (human) can do in order to make a true difference in this world. In saying that; it can be confusing. It can be overwhelming. It can be frustrating. It can be uninviting. It can be full of bullshit and assholes. It can be misguided. It can be very far from the nurturing, open, accepting, growing, peaceful journey it is made out to be.

Then throw in our own inner shit on top and no wonder many of us run back to retreat in what was.

Change can be big. Change can seem scary. But this is how I am re-framing the concept of change in order to show people they are kicking goals on a daily basis. Even if you don’t feel like it.

INTENTION. DIRECTION. BELIEF. ACTION. Whilst all parts reflect upon each other, this is how I have documented the process occurring. With each step giving you a great step to both reflect on and launch from.

You see as soon as you set an INTENTION to change, as soon as life pushes you to the point where you no longer want to deal with things the way that they are; all the nuggets of gold you need to walk through to get from where you are to where you want to be will become apparent. An intent to change is in fact change. As it is a different way of thinking for you. Acknowledge that. Celebrate that.

This INTENTION will immediately put you into a DIRECTION as you seek to find the right pathway for you. Although this can seem overwhelming at times as you sift through the copies amounts of information available to us in this day and age, when the intent is strong enough and further change is what is best for you at this given moment at some point something will jump out at you. It will resonate. Even if it is for the short term. Celebrate it. Being open minded for new information is change!

When we find a DIRECTION in an area we are seeking solutions and answers and comfort in and it resonates with us on a deep and meaningful level, we begin to allow ourselves to open up to all the possibilities this new way of living can bring. Thus we allow our BELIEF structures to be more flexible in order to align with this new found direction. Getting to the core of beliefs can be a life time of work as they often have many layers, but this doesn’t mean don’t celebrate the opening and flexibility and breaking down of these beliefs that no longer serve our soul.

The inspiration we allow ourselves to feel if we embrace the previous elements, will without question lead to further ACTION. As we seek to learn, feel, experience and grow more into this new awareness and knowing. All the while facilitating all these elements of change.

The key here, is to celebrate every element. It doesn’t have to be that you have to get to exactly where you want to be immediately. Celebrate the journey along the way. And don’t let the little hiccups or apparent lack of big victories to dishearten you and keep you stuck in what was.

Because change is a constant. So save yourself a lot of time, energy and drama and just go with the flow. Your flow.

As we grow and become more self aware, the lessons we are here to learn seem to get somewhat easier. As you come into your truth, the synchronicities align and you flow at one with life.

In saying this, life is life and a blow to my heart this week had me physically hunched over and grabbing at my heart space as if I needed to support its weight.

I am an empath. I feel. It’s what I do. And I don’t do it in halves either. Everything is magnified in the most beautifully emotional of ways and I have learned to hold this part of me in high regard. In a world of people trying to zone out of their truth with deflection and numbing I am way more inclined to go in and figure out why it is being experienced the way it is. Hence my path of energy work and mind body soul coaching.

So when I received the validation I was still loved by the guy I wanted to hear it from I was outwardly trying to be cool. I mean I know the roller coaster we have joined each other on. But inside I was clutching. Will this time be different? Will he really hold true to my interpretation of the true meaning of these words and hold the space that comes along with it? Has he finally seen that I am an important part of his life and he is willing to risk his fears and put himself in the arena? Was he finally ready to be truly vulnerable?

So I laid in hope. Waiting with baited breath for the next conversation. And in less than a 24 turn- around he had again expressed that he was not ready to be in that with me. And you know what? It’s ok. I already knew deep down that that was the outcome and that this was how it was going to play out.

But that knowledge doesn’t stop the pain of a broken heart does it? It doesn’t stop you wanted to curl up stay in bed and replay all the things that maybe could’ve changed the outcome. This time however, I can see what needs to be different.

As well as the usual, needing to give myself more love, acknowledge I am seeking outside validation and all the growth and awareness I have acquired around these “I am not enough” trigger points, this time I decided to do this different. This time I was going to really process it. Like fully. How many fucking times have I lived this cycle in my days and I have never been rewarded with the outcome I so strongly desire. To be loved and shown love by the man of my choosing without any conditions.

So time to heed my own advice: If you always do what you always did; then you’ll always get what you always got.

What is the first thing we often experience in times of pain? Like when something emotionally rocks us? We feel it in our body don’t we. You physically react. Face in hands. Hand to heart. Aching stomach. Headaches. Tiredness. Numbness. Out of body experiences. Shoulder tension. Any massive number of ailments. Physical markers that your energy, emotional and spiritual bodies are struggling to integrate the energy playing out within and around you.

And as these stage scenes are more often than not just replays of the same energy patterns just with different co-stars and sets, we take it on as further evidence to support our beliefs that life is exactly how we perceive it to be.

It is the cold, unloving, unfair, uncertain, unsafe environment we have designed it to be. And in that we are living as reactive egos that have disempowered ourselves to the act of choice. We ALWAYS have the power of choice.

So when he muttered the time old words down the phone that things had indeed not changed, I physically recoiled and once again I wanted to myself shut down. I felt myself deciding that this just further proved I was simply never enough for someone. That I was not loved unconditionally and that no one will love me just for being me.

But for me this time I could clearly see I had a choice to make. Sounds easy right. Until you’re in it. However this time, I was responsive. I have chosen to keep my heart open. I acknowledged him and his feelings. It is his journey after all. I acknowledged that we are indeed wanting two completely different experiences when it comes to love. I acknowledged that I am not what he needs in his experience any longer as much as he is no longer what I need. We learnt our lessons. It is time to let go. But this holds no bearing at all to either of our worth. I, and he, will be more than enough for the right person. And I am more than enough in myself.

So challenge. Next time you feel yourself physically respond to an emotional situation; or next time something emotional comes up – stop, shut your eyes and scan through your body. What exactly are you feeling and where exactly are you feeling it? The answer to this tells me a lot about where the belief sits in you and where it was acquired.

So I laid there. I felt it in my stomach (childhood belief – self worth), I felt it in my heart (yearning, repeated learnings, self love needs to be activated), then I gave myself Reiki to ensure my energy was flowing. Then I did a guided mediation around opening the heart chakra and allowing myself to both give and receive love. Then I anchored it into my body with a beautiful song that I know the day I get married will be in our ceremony playlist.

This doesn’t necessarily have to be the actions you take, this works for me. But the point is to remain open. Breathe life into that space. Fill it with the energy of life. The breath. Self love. Faith that everything is happening exactly the way it needs to be just for you. Even if it doesn’t feel like it.

The shift isn’t necessarily around it not hurting any more. We are human. You should be concerned if you don’t feel your emotions. The shift is around me realising that it is not me that is not enough. It is the situation that is not enough for me.

Keep your heart open. Have faith. You are always enough. You always have been and you always will be. All you have to do is allow the energy to flow.

Meditation. Commonly discussed. Becoming more commonly practiced. Many have tried it. But how many have stuck with it? How many of us in Western society find or make the time to make this a daily feature of our lives?

These days we are as a society becoming more aware of the benefits of such practices. In the go go go nature of our daily lives the need to “come home” “check in” and “centre” ourselves has become increasingly understood, important and necessary.

We know this. But how may of us are actively doing it?

I know I have been guilty of this. I get new information. I immerse myself. I love it. I see the benefits. And then I drop off. I think, “I’m doing so well, I don’t need to do this as often or as diligently anymore”. I know I am not alone. It is human nature and I have seen it time and time again. We see the benefits, we think we are masters and all is fixed and good in our world again so we give ourselves permission to slack off. And I am not just talking about meditation. We do it with so many things that are good for us but take time and commitment to maintain.

How many of us have gym memberships we start out hounding and then before you know it, it drops off and then all of a sudden it is just another expense we pay for without needing to, but cancelling it would make us acknowledge the fact we are lying to ourselves and haven’t actually been inside the premises for many months. Health retreats are also big business these days. And they are wonderful educational amazing experiences don’t get me wrong. I have been blessed with going to some of the best in the Southern Hemisphere. And I always learn a heap, reconnect with myself, feel amazing and grow from the experience. But after a couple of weeks back home many of the new found lessons have fallen by the wayside as every day life again takes hold.

Change takes time and diligence. Not a weekend seminar. Not a week long retreat. Yes they are brilliant for the mind, body and soul and to reconnect with self but how many things to we keep for the long haul? After the initial false empowerment and perceived change how many of us actually make fundamental life long shifts?

I ask this often. As I slowly implement self love and growth into my daily life I am constantly seeking things that allow me to connect to that side of myself as well as being able to take part in my day to day activities and society as a whole.

It is all well to be zen in a zen place. Bringing it into your daily life is a whole other ball game. That is why I believe what I decided to do this weekend was a game changer.

Guys, I had an insanely eye opening experience this weekend that I think is going to really aid in changing the face of the often seemingly illusive goal of achieving majorly zen meditation sessions. The course – called CBM (Core Body Mind) Mediation was created and run by Jeremy O’Carroll founder of Om Reiki here in Melbourne, Australia.

Rather than me trying to deliver what it entails I will leave it to the expert. Heres a clip of his explanation of the concepts behind the theory and development and some of the methods he introduces.

As for my experience…

It delivered. I mean again I could be all wrapped up in the newness of it. But it really doesn’t feel like that. And I have been around the block a fair few times with short courses and workshops etc and I have jumped on a fair few bandwagons. But this is doable. Its practical. The benefits are obvious and immediate and you can easily slowly build the momentum incrementally without feeling like you are missing out on other things in your life you either want or need to do. You integrate this method into your day! That is the beauty of it. You are not sitting solo in a far away place away from everything and everyone you have ever known (which at times can feel like it would be heaven lol – but not practical for most).

Accessible, practical spirituality. That is totally a game changer in my opinion.

Hope it resonates with you and if you want any further information or details don’t hesitate to get in touch!

People, places, situations change; energy doesn’t. This is the exact line my first spiritual mentor used to say to me as I would sit across from him trying to make sense of why I felt and behaved in the ways I did and do.

Honestly at the time, this line would often infuriate me. I didn’t get it and all I wanted was an answer to my question. A solution to my problem. Some straight up CLARITY! At the time, I didn’t realise that that was exactly what he was giving me. He was planting the seed. He held no attachment to when that seed sprouted and took a life of its own. And as all personal growth can only be; it was up to me to water and nurture that seedling until it was strong enough to break through the soil of perceived life dramas and out into the open air and light. Into real living.

Another step forward or shift has happened in me of late. I had felt down. Low. Defeated. But with all my skills, knowledge and self belief I pulled myself around to move further into my growth and freedom. And the turn around is getting easier and easier. Not easy. But easier.

Part of the worry is that I am not necessarily feeling like my old self. I know thats the whole point right! Lol. But the thing is as I have previously mentioned it is scary to think that you may move away, leave or even outgrow people. Letting go is scary and hard. We long for what we know and our comfort zone. The familiar. Even if it doesn’t serve us and the reality is nowhere near where we truly want to be, it somehow feels safe.

Again people have popped up to show they are not necessarily comfortable with the journey that I am on. That they possibly thought it would be a phase and I would go back to my status quo. I understand now more than ever that change in one affects so many around us. Never underestimate the ripple affect you have on your immediate world and the world as a whole.

Many of us seek the spiritual world or something outside of ourselves when we are struggling. But as the initial pain eases and we think things are better or improved it is easier to stop the discovery journey and settle into the new space you find yourself in. Often if people around you once sort solace in the spiritual realm and then moved away from it when they felt better, that place can seem to have a negative connotation to it. It is a place you go when you feel lost or sad. So their concern from their perception is an understandable one. Coming from a place of love. They don’t want you in a dark place and they don’t want you sad.

But seemingly forgotten is that this is a never ending journey. There are steps. Lessons. Ever evolving changes. And whether you like it or not if you are meant to deal with it the situations will arise in order for you to do so. And past the place of understanding on the surface level is an even deeper connection. A certain empowerment that once you get a taste for, you are hooked. Indescribable unless experienced I guess. A little bit like the “only a surfer knows the feeling” philosophy. Except it’s all happening within. No need to wait for mother nature to provide the perfect conditions. They are always already in you.

So my repeat soul lesson from this above scenario of being concerned I am concerning others, is the same old thing that I deal with in every facet of my life over and over again. Should I put others needs in front of my own in order to “maintain being loved”.

This pops up everywhere in my life. In relationships. At work. In my family. With friends. With my children. On social media. In this blog. I have recurring situations in which I constantly question myself on if I am true to myself do I risk not being loved.

Well I can honestly say its becoming more and more a risk I am willing to take! Real love is always around me. The people who stay in my life are the ones that are supposed to. I trust that I am loved and that I am safe. And most importantly I am giving that to myself by ensuring my decisions are all aligned to what I want and need.

So how do you recognise your life lessons? Firstly, I highly recommend, BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF. Not always fun, not always easy. But essential in life.

Write down the areas of your life that you are not happy with or that have really affected you in the past.

Systematically, go through the list.

With each scenario, close your eyes. Take the story out of your mind and connect to the feeling. Place one hand on your gut and one on your heart. What are they telling you? What is it that you feel you need in this space that you are currently not believing is or was there?

Open your eyes and write down the first thing that comes up. Don’t filter yourself. Just write.

Do this for each of the scenarios and it would be extremely normal to find some patterns emerging. There may be multiple lessons embedded in these scenarios. But it will bring some clarity to what these areas are.

It is so easy to get caught up in the he said, she said, he/she didn’t do, say, think, act exactly how I wanted them to in order for me to get what I think I want saga.

Well if you take ownership of that and acknowledge that the only person who knows and can consistently deliver what you want and need is YOU, then the real journey to empowerment begins.

This in lies exactly what my mentor was outlining to me all those 11 years ago. It does not matter who is in front of you – husband, wife, father, mother, boss, friend, colleague, stranger. It doesn’t matter where you are – home, work, in a mansion, in commission housing, in a bar, on holiday, stuck in a rut. It doesn’t matter what the situation – romantic dynamic, work dynamic, in a spa at a resort talking with friends, on the sporting field, on a yoga retreat.

Life is going to happen and you are going to be triggered. And the energy at play will be down to whatever your experience has been in order for the lessons you need to learn to play out. You are going to – whether you like it or not – have emotional and energetic feelings to outside stimuli. And the ONLY thing you can control in every single scenario… is your response.

Not the energy. Nope. That will still be there. It will always still be fear of rejection or not feeling appreciated or not being enough. Or whatever it may be for you. That will always be in you.

What changes is your attachment to it. Or how much you continue to believe it to be true.

Are you with me? Get in touch and lets work through decreasing the strength of these attachments. Life is so much lighter on the other side of holding on and fear:) http://www.soulboundtm.com

Now we’ve become quite the generations of preachers haven’t we? And I would be lying if I said I wasn’t one of them. And that’s all good. We’re a passionate bunch and I love passion. But SOOOOOOOOOOOOO many of us (myself included) are so good at giving advice and completely shit at listening to our own wisdom.

I know there are multiple reasons for this, usually something to do with us being to emotionally attached to our own situations to see them from a rational standpoint, but there are elements of this that I think we as adults could get better at right away.

I am talking about resilience. How many of you would call yourself a resilient person? I have always considered myself to be. And in some ways I am. I mean I’m still kicking around with a smile on my face despite some pretty heavy stuff going down in my life. But isn’t that all of us? Haven’t we all got some pretty heavy stuff going on? Well many of us anyway.

My children go to a school where one of the core values is RESILIENCE. You know the thing whereby we just keep getting up and dusting ourselves off regardless of how seemingly huge the obstacles are. The will, the want, the knowhow to get to the goals we want to achieve.

Kids are insanely resilient. They face so many new things every day and they more often then not go at it full force or at least give it a crack. They make new friends easily. They learn how to read and write. To do Maths and sports. Swimming. Art. Music. And a multitude of other things. All the while with their hopefully supportive teachers, classmates, parents and families there by their sides reassuring them that it is safe to have a go.

Does this one sound familiar? “It’s only failure if you stop trying” …or “failure is not the outcome; failure is not trying to begin with” ….

As parents and elders in the community we spout many saying such as these to the younger generation. And its all good and well. They are inspiring messages. But I want you to stop right now and ask yourself; Do you feel you are following the same approach to your day to day life?

Are you where you want to be? If no… are you taking action to change the situation you are in or are you just continuously talking about it, complaining about it and hoping it will all change on its own?

We want the next generation to be the best, happiest most content versions of themselves. But why does that have to mean our time has past?

I am 32 years young and often in conversation with people of similar ages I hear stories of defeat. Of how they wish they could go back and change the course of what has happened. I used to speak like that too. But now I come from a place of NO WAY do I want to go back! I wouldn’t have learnt all the lessons I have learnt and be the person I am today without those experiences; win or failure or indifferent.

Every single thing we have experienced in this life was leading you to somewhere. I encourage you to sit down and write a list of three things:

WINS/ACCOMPLISHMENTS

CHALLENGES/AREAS FOR GROWTH – perceived failures I just don’t love the word

EXPERIENCES THAT HAVE HAD AN IMPACT ON YOU IN SOME WAY

Look at the list. Study it. I almost hands down guarantee that all these three areas will tie together and if you look at it extensively enough it may even give you a little sense of direction or purpose. It may inspire you to utilise your life skills in a new and more inspiring or exciting way. Or you may just feel blessed at the life you have already created and want to keep living.

Either way, its a really interesting exercise and helps to shift perspective on our life overall. Many of us have achieved and experienced so much more than we give ourselves credit for. And it is often this lack of worthiness that colours our world and gets a into this place where we stop trying new things.

I think we often make the ideal of success so seemingly far out of our reach it is often so far from where we are we think what is the point of even starting. Its time to change the mindset of what success actually is. Break it down. Make every little win a reason to celebrate and every perceived challenge or “failure” an opportunity to learn.We stop putting ourselves out there through fear of failing or embarrassing ourselves.

But I say enough. You get one chance in this body. Live it the way you want to! Do stuff that makes you excited. Makes you feel alive. Inspires you. Brings a grin to your face and gets you bubbling with enthusiasm and excitement.

Whatever it may be! Just have a go!

I’ll leave you this week with this. Its a link to a clip of me teaching myself to play keyboard. I am by no means great but I love to have a sing and it makes me happy. So why shouldn’t I give it a go!

It is said we are only born with two types of fears. Fear of falling and fear of loud noises. If I am to break this down for you; have you ever felt you’ve been teetering on the brink of REM sleep and suddenly either with or without you remembering what triggers it you are suddenly jolted awake? It felt like you fell. Maybe you remember what was happening in your dream, maybe you don’t. But your unconscious is telling you it felt like you fell; OR have you ever jumped out of your skin at a loud noise? Even if you see all the events that lead up to the noise being created or you have experienced that noise before on multiple occasions yet it still startles you.

I always found these experiences so intriguing. After the initial shock of it all that is. It feels so real. Like even though on one level you can rationalise the experience it FEELS SO REAL. So when I heard this explanation that resonated with me, my interest in this whole phenomenon of fear spiked.

So two types of fear they say… You see it is thought by many in the spiritual and the scientific world that these fears are indeed innate. Encoded in our DNA. They exist in all human beings as survival mechanisms. The fear of falling is thought to stem from the experience of our soul dropping down into our body and trying to figure out exactly how to shift into this new state. From light to physical matter. Survival mode. As once in the human form, the act of falling from any great height challenges our very mortality.

The fear of loud noises is also encoded as a survival technique. Loud noises can often signify or alert us to danger and the need for the sympathetic nervous system flight or flight to kick in. Take a read below.

So think about this for a moment. All the other fears and phobias we experience as human beings are down to environmental conditioning. All of them. Every single thing outside of falling (or heights/skydiving/anything that results in possible falling) or loud noises is not a fear you have to just live with. It is not something you just have to accept as part of yourself and lose out on some valuable life experiences due to it.

Now you may be saying I am ok with not going near spiders or snakes or doing public speaking. And that may be fine. Like any change things generally need to get uncomfortable in the status quo before we seek to alter it. But I am talking here more about the less discussed fears. The ones we don’t like to own up to. The ones we will do almost anything to avoid even acknowledging let alone working to dissolve them. Those buggers are the worst. Or are they? Depends, as always, on perception.

This past month the Consciousness Coaches and myself have been set a challenge by our leader (ha didn’t mean that to sound extra terrestrial but we are all amazingly out of this world!;) It was called the FUCK FEAR CHALLENGE. Every single day for 30 days we were held accountable by ourselves and each other to post on our group page one fear we faced that day and any action we took around leaning into it. And let me tell you no word of a lie; it was one of the most PROFOUND things I have ever been a part of.

Every single one of us made some massive shifts. We let go of things that no longer serve us. We acknowledged parts of ourselves we were ashamed of or scared of sharing out of fear of being rejected or unlovable. We faced financial survival fears. Attachment to material things. The desire for material things. Allowing in love. Being seen. Expressing around the notion of not being enough. Facing people who had done wrong by us. Boundary building. Workplace shifts. Standing up and holding our own space when we weren’t being respected. Speaking our truth to those close to us. Learning when to save our energy and just exit the situation. Learning to honour our bodies and our urges……The list goes on and on and on. The shifts were incredible and oh so freakin inspiring! And let me tell you they all come back to the environmental ideas we create that if we are not (*insert whatever you tell yourself here) we wont be loved, accepted, connected and hence part of the tribe.

But the one thing we all agreed on at the end was how incredible the lens of fear can be. How crippling. How strong. But how wonderful it is too. It honestly became our friend.

Without fear there is no motivation. No driving force. No incentive to change. No hope for a different outcome or future. Without fear there is no way that any of us would ever actually grow. We would all just be happy cruising along in our standard little lives never really experiencing all the things that life has to offer. Not truly LIVING! GROWING! EVOLVING!

So next time you notice a fear come up in you, jot it down. Sit with it. What is it trying to protect you from? Some will be rational. Some irrational. But what is it truly masking? Because it is sitting in you as a catalyst for change. It is exciting. It is your future. And you can take it, acknowledge it and then pop it aside so you can step even more into your light every single time.

Although as a fellow human, I still have my own ongoing work around this concept; this word “connection” brings up such an emotive energetic and bodily response for me every time.

I realise to others I am not always the easiest of people to work out. I can appear to be overly complicated. Highly emotional. Contradictory is also a term I have been told. As I unravel my experience and work out what makes me tick and ride the waves I can understand how this would be others perceptions. And that is honestly perfectly ok. I no longer need or want to be everyone’s cup of tea. An affirmation of late: What others think of me is none of my business.

But everyone wants to fit in somewhere. Everyone wants to be a part of something. Every single person wants to be loved. Understood. Cared for. Needed. Wanted. Involved. Connected. Everyone.

I have not always felt this way in life. In fact even though I am loud, friendly, emotional, open and social on the surface, I often have felt a huge disconnect between myself and the rest of the world. Even as I have embarked on this journey of self discovering, I have encountered many many situations in which I have not felt a part of this spiritual world.

This is what I seek to bring. I don’t think you need to (nor do I care if you do) wear all hemp products, be vegan, only be positive, be into crystals and oracle cards, do yoga, etc etc. All the cliches of the spiritual realm. I want to encourage people to throw them out the window. Some of these things I do love. Some I may grow to love. My point is it doesn’t matter. You are enough and worthy of connection just as you are.

The absolute LAST thing anyone who embarks on finding out what makes them tick is to feel not a part of the possibilities such enlightenment can bring. What I am saying is eat your kale chips and practice your meditation but don’t judge others for not doing that. Its their journey. And I believe as an “enlightened” individual; one would be aware of that and spread love always. Regardless of preferences. Allow others into your world. Share your knowledge. As the end goal is that we all come together and help to create a better world, so lets be open and receiving to the oneness that that brings.

I walked into a local spiritual shop today and although I am starting to feel a lot more at home in this space, I have often wondered why it is that these type of shops always have that very similar sort of style or look to them. Very busy, yet simplistic. The chakra posters on the wall. The crystal cabinets. The ornaments. The music. The burning incense. The room in the back for the personalised readings. The ornaments are often ethereal or childlike and the concept almost appears so far from our actual outside realities that it can seem a little far fetched. And I do wonder if that is part of the reason why the skeptics find this so hard to embrace. Yet as I am slowly learning more and more I am realising that there is indeed a reason for all of it. It is no coincidence that the idea is to pull you into that nurturing, calming, imaginative, ethereal, childlike experience and get you to look at those parts of yourself. As it is often in that period of our time in our body that we abandon honouring ourselves in order to be a part of our external experience. An almost false sense of connection if you will. Or connecting with ego over soul.

Despite that I still think it would not hurt to change it up a bit. Make it all more accessible for all walks of life. And this in lies part of my vision for my future. I want to bring connection into my life and the lives of others. And the two key things I feel my direction and the lessons I will share with others will take is

Primarily connection will come from within. Knowing, but more importantly FEELING this connection within you is in my opinion the primary step. It will be a lifelong journey with ups and downs but there comes a point in the growth journey where you start to turn to yourself. Once you are comfortable in that space with yourself you will only feel secure in your choices about how, who and what to let in. This will disable the fear aspects because you will feel confident in trusting your own inner wisdom to guide you to make these often seemingly quite large life decisions.

Vulnerability. This is a tricky one for many of us. And it will be fluid with the above concept as it will guide the lessons and it’s outcomes. But there is such a HUGE power in allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. This will flow easily when the above internal connection is present but in the mean time, fear of letting down our walls can often take over. How many of us in our day to day lives know we are going into multiple situations in love, life and work not showing our authentic selves. When we allow fear to take over it becomes an emotive response. So in times like this it can be beneficial to switch to the rational brain to gain or access knowledge and perspective. This particular TED talk is gold in relation to this exact topic and showed up in my world six years ago through a psychology class. Funnily enough this exact talk has been brought to my attention multiple times over the years since by different sources. If you haven’t seen it or any of Brene Browns work, I HIGHLY recommend you get amongst it.

I am only just bringing to light the depth of my own fears around being vulnerable. For as I connect further inward I am now making the right choices about who I surround myself with. The people who show me so much love, care, information and tools for growth that I am beyond excited to be able to pass this learning and experience onto others.

“You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are WORTHY of love and belonging” ~ Brene Brown

It was just one of those weeks….Coming into the new moon and possibly not having all my ducks in a row, I started to get battered.

A few weeks ago I mentioned there was about to be a big change. Well it all sort of fell in a heap this week. Or so it seems. Lack of communication leads me to believe that. An opportunity for some big change didn’t come my way despite all signs pointing to the fact it would. Never mind. Wasn’t meant to be. I didn’t lose anything by putting myself out there. I just gained an experience.

Add to that, I am still grieving the loss of that special someone. Definitely honestly my biggest hurt. Then I had a BIG unexpected financial issue. Old ex in-law family stuff came ringing my phone. The old ex started his in your face public displays of affection with his new early 20 something and I cut my finger on a sauce bottle, almost knocked myself out and got an egg head from walking into a fridge door at work and lost one of my new beautiful birthday gifts. Needless to say I was feeling a little hard done by.

Practice what I preach right!? Gratitude and acceptance and letting go. Well yes, that would be the obvious thing to do but as I also say; you can’t force someone to change if they are not willing to look at it truthfully.

In saying that sometimes the universe has other plans. It is my belief in those times of your life where everything seems to be stacking up against you; as big or as minor/annoying as these things might be, it is the universe trying to tell you something. And being that the universe/god/energy/source is the higher power, it knows best. So even when us down here on Earth in our little human, ego bodies try to ignore the signs, the universe goes “Awww isn’t that cute” and ramps it all up a notch. As we like to call it in Consciousness Coaching “stacking the pain”.

We as humans are wired to avoid pain more than we look to seek pleasure. So even if we know on a deep level something is better for our true self, but the ego is screaming out in fear, we will choose the path of least resistance and go with what we know. The old way. The way we’ve been conditioned since birth. We plod along in that mode until its our turn and a series of things or something big happens that we just can’t ignore. Then it is up to us how quickly we take the bait. Do we keep on trying to act out the old way because -DAMN IT – it always worked before (even though you know truthfully it didn’t or there wouldn’t be pain) or do you lean into the fear and allow true change to take shape. Something that is more aligned to your true wants, wishes, purpose and desires?

I still ebb and flow… even once awake, majority of us do. There are so many layers. But I do feel this series of events and annoyances and injuries this week was the universe stacking my pain. Making my norm more uncomfortable as it is time for me to move on from here to bigger and better things. Now I just need to open myself up to it and allow.

So lets work back through this systematically shall we.

The birthday gift. Possibly a heartbreaking reminder to take more care. Slow down. Appreciate the little things. I actually thought to myself when I put it on – it was a bracelet – that I didn’t know if I clipped it right. But I was in a rush so instead of checking I winged it. And now I pay the price:( Lucky I’m not an aeroplane engineer. LESSON: Slow the fuck down, pay attention to the things that matter. It was sentimental and now it is gone because I was careless.

The egg on my head from the fridge. Well honestly I was distracted by hot chips, which I still managed to eat even when I was on the floor holding my head. But again LESSON: Slow the fuck down. I was snacking on hot chips because I never break at work and stop to look after myself. Most days I don’t eat lunch. I am too busy trying to please everyone else I forget about myself. I matter too!

The cut from a sauce bottle lid. I mean does an injury get any more lame than that? LESSON: As above. Slow down. Pay attention.

Stalking exes profile on Facebook to find photos and over the top displays of affection to the new target. I say target as I know this is his cycle and my rational self understands the psychology behind it. My emotional self did not. I was essentially aiding the universe in the whole stacking the pain process here. I went into why does he get to be happy blahblahblah……. Everyone deserves to be happy. Even him. LESSON: Pay attention! But not to others. To myself! My self worth was low. As it has been my whole life up until I recently started fighting for it. This was my old ways looking to make a reappearance. BE VIGILANT!

Ex in-law money issue coming up. Sent me into resentment, anger, abandonment and jealousy. Didn’t love writing those things about myself but hey like I said I believe in order to make change you need to be 100% honest. And I felt all of those feelings in a very strong way. But when I can rationalise it, these events around the financial side of things have occurred in cycles multiple times. I need to look into it. LESSON: Pay attention! (I know you can see the theme here!) Slow down. Look at it. Really look into it. The thoughts, feelings and emotions behind it. Give myself a true opportunity to work through it, heal it and let go of it so I can move forwards for good.

Another money blip. Relates to the above. I am attempting to better myself in this area of my life but seemingly I still have a lot to learn. This was a frustrating hiccup. LESSON: As above. Slow the fuck down and pay attention. I am more than capable but I need to allow myself to succeed. Stop the self sabotage.

But as I was driving back tonight after having to run the kids around to do something to deal with my just mentioned error, I was beyond frustrated. They were both talking at me and I was just completely zoned out. Ethan grabbed my phone and put on a song. I am amazing at visualising. I can create an entire alternate reality in my mind and FEEL like I am in it. It is definitely my creative super power. And as the song started to play I took myself to this place. This place where I am truly aligned to my soul. I am living out my purpose and I am at piece with all of the parts of me.

I turned to Ethan and I said “It has to be me. If I want this, if I truly want this, then I have to get up and do it. I know I don’t want the struggle anymore. Im done! Im done! I want it all out!”

I was starting to yell. He’s used to me. He had a big grin on his face and he said “THEN YELL IT OUT!” “SCREAM!”

So we did. We all wound down the windows and really let go. Like totally went for it. We yelled and screamed and sang and laughed. And it felt really bloody cathartic. My heart was bursting after that. What a beautiful thing for him to encourage me to do. And we all felt better for it. I always say better out than in. But I don’t always practice it.

The words….it really connected. As I always say music is amazing for that. I was in my aligned future and these were the words playing…The old me doubting, scared, resisting and the new me nurturing those fearful parts of me and leading me into the dream. My future. Telling me I am everything I need to be. Hope it can take you away to your place of soul too.

You know those moments when you catch yourself and you go “WOW…. that’s definitely something I need to work through”..? Well I had a ripper this week!!

And as usual the universe offered up some interesting little tid bits along the way.

So if you have read any of my blog before you will know I’m not so lucky in love. Not that luck has anything to do with it mind you. But I tend to be attracted to and tied up in scenarios that are bound to not play out well.

From talking to other singles and even some coupled up crew of late, there is definitely a vibe out there that relationships are nowhere near as simple as they used to be.

For singles there are options galore. Bars, pubs, concerts, parties, online dating, set ups, work colleagues, one night stands, friends of friends, friends partners …. you name it, it all goes down. Chatting recently with someone I hadn’t seen for a while and it was quickly clear we were both surrounded by breakups, affairs, mental illness, heartache and other painful tales.

So what is happening out there that is making this whole connection business so god damn hard?. Are we all that fearful of actually letting our guards down that we’d prefer to be eternally bullshitting our way through scenarios that are bound to not work out.

Well I know this is true for me. And I didn’t really own that until I actually had what I can only describe as an out of body experience in which I watched myself actually act it out. I wasn’t quite strong enough to stop myself but I was immediately openly shocked by my reaction.

So I’ll set the scene. There have been two men in my world for a while now. Not essentially seeing or dating either but they have both made multiple appearances over the last 12 months or so.

One I have known for a year. We met. It was passionate. It was fun. Exciting. And we both ended up a bit enamoured. Well for the first 5 months or so anyway. Then as things got a bit more serious I honestly don’t understand what went down. Communication became less and less and we drifted. It hurt. A lot. I’ve always understood the reasons for the end of other relationships but this just didn’t make sense.

So when I would hear from him it became and unhealthy dynamic of me desperately trying to do whatever I could to get back to where we mysteriously left off. Not a good look and never plays out well.

But as I allowed him to drift in and out, along comes man no.2. He is kind. Thoughtful. Into my growth journey and his own. Similar interests. Communicative. Amazing with kids. From a similar upbringing. Friends with my friends. Good work ethic but still makes time to prioritise me and others in his life. Honestly he has become one of my dearest friends. But it begs the question… Why don’t I lust after all these amazing qualities?

Why do I want someone who doesn’t treat me respectfully or as a priority?

So as I ponder this for the billionth time in therapy my therapist says something interesting to me. Researchers have found that over 55% of all people actually have insecure attachment styles.

55%!

That is huge! Early on in the peace uncertainty is normal. But if you seek that drawn out, uncertain style dynamic; the will they call, won’t they? Will they behave respectfully when I’m not around?; Am I actually their boyfriend/girlfriend or not?; Where do I stand? Etc etc

If you get off on dynamics like this then you have an insecure attachment style and hence why the perfect on paper Mr actually probably should be what you want…. isn’t getting you to take that next step.

You, like me, crave the biochemical response your body gives you from riding the waves of the emotional tsunamis that the not safe person creates in us. It’s essentially an addiction. Not to the person though. Important to note. Because if your honest with yourself this would be a theme playing out through other scenarios in your life too. But it’s hard to realise that it’s not the individual you want when it’s such a strong positive correlation of time with them = lots of wild unstable, exciting and heartbreaking rides.

I’ve known this about myself for a while, but it was never more blatantly evident than this experience the other day. Without divulging Mr Oh So Sweets’ personal story, he alerted me to the fact that he may actually be in a scenario in which he would no longer be able to be as emotionally open with me. And in that moment as I sat across from him at the local pub, I instantly felt myself tighten.

He noticed it too. His exact words. “I’ve never seen you so defensive before!”

It was IMMEDIATE! As soon as I was told I wasn’t going to be prioritised, I moved straight into – now I want it!

Let me tell you, to catch yourself in that trip is an interesting, yet confronting place to be.

Luckily for me he is an absolute legend and I vocalised it straight away. He helped me talk it through.

Letting go of this shit will be a journey. It’s not going to be a quick fix. I’m still that little girl just trying to get my dad’s attention. This is how we all play it out.

So if the romantic dynamics you create are creating more thrills and pain, then stability and grounding then this ones for you.

And me. And apparently over 50% of us!

We all deserve good, real, healthy, long lasting love. In order to get it, I suggest you take a good, hard, long, honest look at your own shit first.

What is it exactly that you want? And if your attracting different to that then something you’re doing isn’t aligned to your soul.

This question is a loaded one. So many factors come into mind when this was posed to me. But as I continue on this journey of self discovery, I am beginning to truly understand and believe the answer comes down to two simple things.

Synchronicities and Self Belief.

Let me explain. Synchronicities are when events in your life seem to all start to come together. They start to align. Shifts in your perception of things are happening at the same time to coincide with events or moments in which you make a choice (usually multiple choices) that lead you down a path of exposure, learning, reflection, growth and change. This may sound so deep but to simplify the concept this even relates to changing your mind about a certain food.

One day you’re adamant you hate mushrooms but then you try them at the right time, in the right place, with the right atmosphere, in the right dish and all of a sudden BAM! Mushrooms are your new favourite and you can’t believe you were so closed off to the idea of them! They’re delicious!! And packed full of nutrients that nourish your body.

But you would never have “known” this had the sequence of things leading up to you trying mushrooms again happened.

Ok maybe not life changing. But healthy nutrient rich foods are good for the mind, body and soul. I was just attempting to simplify the idea.

Mainly due to the fact I get accused of reading into things too much. Over thinking. But again if you think I’m over thinking how beneficial mushrooms are 😆 expand your mind to a bigger scenario in your life. If you are fighting something that shouldn’t be, it will be displayed in your every day as a constant struggle. Energy sucking. And you will constantly be questioning yourself over it. Now this is not to say that picking the right path for you will be easy. It will most probably require you to give something up. It will possibly require hard work and multiple sacrifices. But when everything is lining up the synchronicities are hard to ignore and the pain of continuing as you once did is far greater than the percieved losses to follow your souls urges.

For me the belief that EVERYTHING happens for a reason is directly related to my ability to deal with the hardships I have faced. For if it didn’t happen for a reason; why did it have to happen to me? What did I do so wrong to deserve some of the hurt and pain that has come my way? And for the many people I have spoken to going through trauma or hardship, this belief becomes quite a resounding truth to most. There must be a takeaway lesson or it has all happened for nothing. And that is harder to come to terms with.

Despite this, I never say anything is gospel. You’re welcome to believe different. But I believe in the picture bigger than just you and me. I believe it is all connected and that life is a series of lessons, all for the greater good.

So synchronicities. These babies have been popping up left, right and centre for me at the moment. There is an exciting new direction I have opened my mind to that I will write about next week that I feel is going to be a game changer. It’s all about the growth journey and this one will both challenge me and pull me way outside my comfort zone.

Again synchronising with this big decision, is my participation in a coaching course challenge put to us by the course developer. It’s brilliant. It’s the FUCK FEAR CHALLENGE. Every single day we have to push through a barrier/fear and then post about it on our group page. Seemingly big all small, we write it out.

We hold each other accountable and encourage each other’s progress.

Let me tell you it’s been going for a week and it’s been INSANE!! Talk about accelerated progress. For all involved.

Whether we are willing participants or not, being amongst a team of others and wanting to hold your end of the bargain is an epic driving force for recognising when fears come up and acknowledging you are the only thing standing between you and want you want. Honestly give it a go! Message me even! I’ll hold you accountable!

All of us in just 1 week have had some HUGE wins. And this is where one builds Self Belief.

Self Belief and true confidence (not ego driven confidence) comes from over coming things you once were too fearful to accomplish. You stop looking for outsode validation and you do what feels right. Seriously who gives what others say. Is it their experince? No! Let them have their opinions. Thats their right. But it should not influence you trusting your own gut. And once the balls rolling it feels so empowering you want to keep it going! Fear is totally an illusion in almost all cases. It is simply what stands between you and your dreams.

True story.

Now don’t misunderstand. I don’t think one day it all just clicks and there you are with your shit all sorted. Even through each win the road is littered with massive lessons and moments when you’re questioning why the fuck you’re putting yourself through this. But when your heart is in it for the greater good, you always win. From a soul level. And I think now I have my goals in my heart, pushing through my fears to get there, seems just that little bit less relevant than it all once did.