In honor of the upcoming Easter holiday, and in honor of one of my wife’s favorite candies, I now present two incredible (edible) videos. The first is a slow motion mousetrap Cadbury Egg massacre. The second is an incredible Rube Goldberg experiment. 8000 steps to destroy a Cadbury Egg. VERY cool. Enjoy, these are delicious treats for your eyes.

Every once in a millenia, a news article arrives that makes one think, “Hey, this is a hilarious joke! You go “The Onion!”, you have made me laugh yet again at your crazy fake story antics!”. But alas, after reading the article, you suddenly become aware that the story isn’t made up, it’s REAL! And the laughing that had ensued at the first thought now increases at the realization that the story actually did happen, and it’s the funniest thing in the world, and then your head explodes.

This is not that article.

But it’s close.

According to the LA Times, two of Paris Hilton’s SEVENTEEN dogs were eaten Wednesday night by coyotes. Yes, two tiny dogs were snarfed up during the night at her Hollywood Hills home. Now, this makes me wonder how she knew they were coyotes, and that the dogs just didn’t run away to escape the constant ribbing from the neighbor dogs that they are owned by that “airhead blond”, and that all they are to her are “trophy dogs”, and she only loves them for their looks.

Maybe their tiny little legs were found in a pile, surrounded by two glittering collars, while the coyotes howled with glee in the distance. A gourmet meal, but probably a little rich…

Barack Obama: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

John McCain: My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

Dr. Phil: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on “THIS” side of the road before it goes after the problem on the “OTHER” side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his CURRENT problems before adding NEW problems.

George W. Bush: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I’ve not been told.

Bill Gates: I have just released eChicken 2008 which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never ever cra…&$%#@…reboot.

John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

Al Gore: I invented the chicken!

Colonel Sanders: Did I miss one?

Dick Cheney: Where’s my gun?

Grandpa: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.