Kristen Stewart's appearance at the Oscars gave the show some much needed fresh-faced lightness and sweetness. Joke. Of course it didn't. She looked a fright -- on crutches, scowling, unbrushed hair, and sporting a big bruise on her upper left arm. The interwebs is rife with thoughtful ideas about what exactly happened to her. As for the crutches, Kristen apparently cut her foot on some glass. But how to explain the rest of her? What about that ginormous bruise, which was so vivid during her award presentation with Daniel Radcliffe that it almost completely distracted my attention from her messy hair and mopey demeanor? Here are some KStew's bruise conspiracy theories ...

Liberty gets her revenge. Several outlets have speculated that Kristen got into a fight with Liberty Ross. And I guess we know who won.

It's flu season. Hey, flu shots can leave bruises.

Drug addict. So can heroin needles. But hahaha. Just kidding, folks. Everyone knows you don't shoot up on the outside of your arm.

Role playing. KStew and RPattz decided to act out a scene from "Chris and Rihanna at the 2009 Grammy Awards."

Needs a multivitamin. Kristen is anemic or has a lack of vitamin D, C, K, B12, or a host of other vitamins you might need if you bruise easily.

Blood thinner. Kristen might be on a blood thinner, which can cause the skin to easily bruise.

Princess. Kristen slept on a pea.

Noogie. Someone didn't realize these are given on the head.

50 Shades. Kristen is getting slapped around in the sack.

Vampire.Hello?! Bite mark.

Nothing remotely weird at all. Kristen is on crutches, so she may have lost her balance at some point and someone reached out and grabbed her to keep her from falling, thus leaving a bruise. (And if it was RPattz who grabbed her, he might have squeezed a little harder than necessary ... just because.)

As for why Kristen didn't simply cover the bruise with some concealer -- I'll leave that up to everyone else to figure out.