The order of change

We may begin deep listening with the hope that something inside that is angry, scared or hurting will change. But it is not the angry, scared or hurt place that changes first. We change first, by learning to relax in the way we hold our anger, fear or hurt places. Next as we relax into this new relationship, our perception of what inside is angry, scared or hurt begins to change. We become so intimate with these places, when we are seeing clearly we recognize their perfection and lose our investment in our worry about change. And then, in its own time, if we are providing just the right dose of accepting, expansive attention, the angry, scared or hurt place can finally begin its own process for change.