What would you do if you found out the guy you were with is married? I found out on my own when he started acting flaky/blowing me off for no reason. I told him so I figure he is now avoiding speaking to me eventhough he said he would. He is obviously a liar and a good one. I certainly don't want someone like that and know it is pointless but I am very hurt and upset that he gets to drop it like nothing occurred.

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12 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Married guy posed as singleWhat would you do if you found out the guy you were with is married? I found out on my own when he started acting flaky/blowing me off for no reason. I told him so I figure he is now avoiding speaking to me eventhough he said he would. He is obviously a liar and a good one. I certainly don't want someone like that and know it is pointless but I am very hurt and upset that he gets to drop it like nothing occurred.

I am sorry for the way he cheated you! No man with any honor, would ever do that! He is just a little boy playacting at being a man!

Take this as a lesson learned. And next time, do a little background checking first. Ask around if anyone knows him, or have him get some friends around on one date, then you can find out if he is single like he professed?! I once had a girl who followed me home, just to know for sure, and I did not mind at all, cause I was not married like I told her I was not!!!

Take this as a lesson learned. And next time, do a little background checking first. Ask around if anyone knows him, or have him get some friends around on one date, then you can find out if he is single like he professed?! I once had a girl who followed me home, just to know for sure, and I did not mind at all, cause I was not married like I told her I was not!!!

I can totally understand your hurt. I would be upset too! This "man" treated you like an object, with absolutely no respect or regard regard for his wife or for you, and it seems like he is going to get away with it. If you ever have a chance to speak to him, please tell him plainly and calmly that you don't appreciate people lying to you, you don't like how he treated you, and that he should be ashamed of himself for acting the way he did. Then forget him and don't talk to him ever again.

It obviously wasn't an open marriage because people who are in those communicate both to existing and new partners about the situation. This guy is a slime.

Roh

'Your focus determines your reality.' --QGJ

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Report This| Share this:Married guy posed as singleI can totally understand your hurt. I would be upset too! This "man" treated you like an object, with absolutely no respect or regard regard for his wife or for you, and it seems like he is going to get away with it. If you ever have a chance to speak to him, please tell him plainly and calmly that you don't appreciate people lying to you, you don't like how he treated you, and that he should be ashamed of himself for acting the way he did. Then forget him and don't talk to him ever again.

It obviously wasn't an open marriage because people who are in those communicate both to existing and new partners about the situation. This guy is a slime.

Correct. It would be different if he was honest and it was an open marriage but he lied to get some action. It's just like college boys do but he is in his 30s like me. I looked for any lines a ring would give and their were none. I don't want to let him get away with this and just letting go isn't working. He is ignoring me which makes it worse and makes me want to all the more out him especially since I was not a willing participant.

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Report This| Share this:Married guy posed as singleCorrect. It would be different if he was honest and it was an open marriage but he lied to get some action. It's just like college boys do but he is in his 30s like me. I looked for any lines a ring would give and their were none. I don't want to let him get away with this and just letting go isn't working. He is ignoring me which makes it worse and makes me want to all the more out him especially since I was not a willing participant.

Thank you. He doesn't really have identifiable marks but I have correspondence and pictures that I can copy. I don't want to hear back from her and I'm afraid though that he will contact me to be nasty or show up somewhere then. If it was someone with just another girlfriend I would tell him off then that be it but this is soo much worse...

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Report This| Share this:Married guy posed as singleThank you. He doesn't really have identifiable marks but I have correspondence and pictures that I can copy. I don't want to hear back from her and I'm afraid though that he will contact me to be nasty or show up somewhere then. If it was someone with just another girlfriend I would tell him off then that be it but this is soo much worse...

I know this may not work in your situation, but how about talking to the wife openly, woman to woman, from the standpoint of "look, if my husband were doing this, I would want the other woman to tell me." She probably won't be angry with you and if you come at it the right way you will be able to convince her far better than any anonymous source. Make it clear that you do NOT want him.

Then if he threatens you in ANY way, get a restraining order. It's not hard. It's just scary for some people to do. She has the right to know about her husband's misdeeds from a credible source, he has the right to learn from his mistakes, and you have the right to be safe.

Roh

'Your focus determines your reality.' --QGJ

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Report This| Share this:Married guy posed as singleI know this may not work in your situation, but how about talking to the wife openly, woman to woman, from the standpoint of "look, if my husband were doing this, I would want the other woman to tell me." She probably won't be angry with you and if you come at it the right way you will be able to convince her far better than any anonymous source. Make it clear that you do NOT want him.

Then if he threatens you in ANY way, get a restraining order. It's not hard. It's just scary for some people to do. She has the right to know about her husband's misdeeds from a credible source, he has the right to learn from his mistakes, and you have the right to be safe.

Well I was going to send her a message telling her how I met him, I did not know and am disgusted by his actions and in no way want him as I do not want a married man, liar and cheater and she can do whatever she wants with the information but she should know and that I agonized over letting her know because I obviously do not know him well enough and I don't want him contacting me in anyway period. I have many emails between him and I that I was going to include without my name ofcourse

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Report This| Share this:Married guy posed as singleWell I was going to send her a message telling her how I met him, I did not know and am disgusted by his actions and in no way want him as I do not want a married man, liar and cheater and she can do whatever she wants with the information but she should know and that I agonized over letting her know because I obviously do not know him well enough and I don't want him contacting me in anyway period. I have many emails between him and I that I was going to include without my name ofcourse

Well, I suppose that would work. At least it would get the message to her, so that's good. I'm sure she already suspects. Best of luck with that.

On a similar note, I have noticed with sadness how many people in the US (including myself, unfortunately) seem terrified of being direct about things. Gone are the days, it seems, when we could speak person to person and just speak our mind, neither overstating, or understating.

Roh

'Your focus determines your reality.' --QGJ

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Report This| Share this:Married guy posed as singleWell, I suppose that would work. At least it would get the message to her, so that's good. I'm sure she already suspects. Best of luck with that.

On a similar note, I have noticed with sadness how many people in the US (including myself, unfortunately) seem terrified of being direct about things. Gone are the days, it seems, when we could speak person to person and just speak our mind, neither overstating, or understating.

I hear ya. People are crazy and I've had women send me messages and such to stay away from their men but I wasn't even involved with their boyfriends. I tried a face-to-face once. The guy was seeing me and another woman. She just went ballistic on me saying how she was going to call the cops for harassment. My family is really scared the guy might show up somewhere though me but i don't want to live my life being afraid to say anything when someone wrongs me.

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Report This| Share this:Married guy posed as singleI hear ya. People are crazy and I've had women send me messages and such to stay away from their men but I wasn't even involved with their boyfriends. I tried a face-to-face once. The guy was seeing me and another woman. She just went ballistic on me saying how she was going to call the cops for harassment. My family is really scared the guy might show up somewhere though me but i don't want to live my life being afraid to say anything when someone wrongs me.

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