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Thursday, December 17, 2009

Pig's Ear, And A Snout In The Trough

As you know, I am no fan of the local Blue Rinsers. Or, indeed, that bum-faced old Etonian who heads up the Tories at a national level.

So two causes for celebration this week. First, the 'news', as brought to you by the Blue Rinse candidate for Thanet South, that 'the life saving air sea rescue service based at Manston is set to be relocated to the Midlands at the end of this month.' Er, 'what air sea rescue service based at Manston?', you may ask. Clearly, however, that was not a question the intrepid reporter at yourfannitinnit could be bothered with.

And this afternoon came the news that Sir Roger Wind, Tory MP for North Thanet since 1876, is appealing against being told to hand back £2,100 in expenses claimed against mobile phone bills, plus another £400 in rent. Sir Rodge says they were 'entirely proper'. As ever, he entirely misses the point. Which is not that he could claim them, but whether it is 'entirely proper' that he should.

While the gruesome Tory twosome have been busy shooting themselves in the feet, the caff-crushing, car-crushing Mayor of Ramsgate, Councillor Green of the Red Party, has announced he is perfectly happy to have his allowance slashed by a third and set an example in these tough financial times. Good on yer, Dave!

Considering she's practically joined at the hip to Roger Wind turning up at countless events in N. Thanet looking decorative but saying nothing, you'd think she'd have the nous to check with him first before putting out the press release. I've heard that whenever old Roge gets an invite she trots along as well. She's even turned up and sat on the platform at N. Thanet events 'cos she's his guest. Guess Suzy's too busy running his office for £40k per annum to accompany him.

Anyone know why Ms. Sandys turned up at the TDC Planning Committee last evening? To watch the Tories at play? To form closer links with what she refers to as the voters in 'my constituency'

Mind you, the intrepid journo at YourThanet should have had the sense to check his story. Lazy journalism yet again.

Isn't this the same Tory candidate who had large billboards erected in several fields exhorting people to tell her what matters to them. Well, how about getting out some leaflets/press releases that are accurate, up-to-date/of any use/ aren't paid for by a non-dom? She even had one up in what will still be N. Thanet even after the election. Oh, yes, she didn't know she needed planning permission and would apply immediately. Can't say I've seen any since promoting 'Tell Laura'.

Almost forgot to say she even had leaflets in N. Thanet recently in what will still be N. Thanet. How can anyone have confidence in someone who can't even find the boundaries for what she calls her 'constituency'.

Well although the Islander Coastguard spotter has a rubber dinghy on board, you could hardly call it 'Air Sea Rescue', could you? Air Sea Rescue to most people's minds is those big yellow Wessex choppers with brave chaps jumping out on lines, fishing stricken sailors out of the choppy seas!

Air - Sea rescue Richard. From air to sea with a rubber dinghy large enough to accommodate and shelter survivors and keep them safe until the helicopter or lifeboat arrives.

I'm sure the people who have been rescued in this way wouldn't share your opinion and in future, those bobbing around in the sea at some date in the near future, might be rather glad of a Manston-based aircraft minutes away rather than wait for the nearest helicopter to appear from Belgium or Suffolk.

Yes it will but in a pure surveillance role only is my understanding and given that Coventry is now closed, the aircraft will probably have to come from East Midlands or thereabouts, which is rather more than five minutes away!

Reconnaissance Ventures(RV) operates from Coventry. You may recall the tragedy last year when one of their aircraft coming in to land was hit by another private aircraft that strayed across the approach path.

With the closure of Coventry - I did my CPL studies there with Atlantic Flight Training, part of the same company group - there's a rather limited choice of places to go. E.Midlands is also a DHL hub I believe and gets rather busy.

In any case, getting out of East Midlands or thereabouts and crossing through the Luton and London control airspace to the coast here is still going to take some time even at 200 knots.

Either way we lose the surveillance facility here at Manston and the limited but useful rescue support capability of the Islander aircraft.

I see over on Thanet Life Dr. Moores reckons he could successfully drop a life raft from his light-aircraft. At least he doesn't claim he could save lives in a storm force 10 when his aircraft would be grounded but I have to ask him to clarify when he flew the coastguard aircraft as, as far as I know, he's never told us he worked for the Maritime Agency.

Now there's a thought for this wintry night. The brave pilot in his little light plane battling the high seas and gale force winds to rescue the crew of a sinking tanker and dropping life rafts for them. Um, wouldn't most vessels other than yachts and little dinghies have life rafts anyway but i do like the thought of the press awaiting our brave pilot back on terra firma.

I see Laura Sandys now says she meant the Islander aircraft but that isn't a rescue aircraft. How could it be as it's a fixed wing plane and can't hover, let down a winch, land on the sea or pick someone out of the water.

The only rescue vehicles are helicopters and lifeboats plus any shipping that is in the area.

Overheard in Thanet

Is your hot chocolate gluten free?Man at kioskJust wait til I get hold of yer, yer cunt. Yer fuckin' door won't save yer!Man on phone in streetThere were dead bodies everywhere at my fuckin' birfday do. No, seriously, my missus had to give one bloke CPR!Man on phone in streetYer can't smoke in a petrol station can yer? Fuck it, I'm gonna light up anyway. If I blow meself up I'm gonna charge you compensation!Woman to staff member at petrol stationWhat happened to all those Socialist Workers eh? They joined the bloody Labour Party, that's what!Man to woman in WaitroseSo I grabbed the fuckin' potato peeler and stabbed the cunt.Man sitting outside barTwitter? That's the bit between a bird's twat and her shitter, isn't it?Man on trainYou know the medicine they give us was invented by the Germans in WW2 for their troops, so they could be shot?Man on streetYeah, well, he's a fucking bald headed cunt.Man at Margate football matchYou better choose your sweets, inch yer! I'm not a bleedin' psychic, inn I?Woman to small childI like haring but I don't like it when the dog just bites into it an' it fuckin' screams and then you 'ave to go an' chop it.Man in restaurantI'm a registered businessman!Man on phone in streetI luv 'im, even though 'e raped me an' bit me. 'Cos 'e respecks me.Woman talking to man in streetChild to baboon in animal park: 'Ello!Mother: Don't talk, MatthewChild: Why?Mother: 'Cos it's an animal.

If you come on and start having a go at Margate, it immediately puts everyone's shackles up.

Man talking about the warm-up act at the Alexei Sayle gig at the Theatre Royal, Margate'We are not expecting widespread flooding; however precautions have been deployed and we are doing our upmost to ensure all areas are secure and protected.'Thanet Council press release

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Richard's Thanisaurus

Bignews Margaten. a fatuous blog that pays lip service to 'freedom of speech' but shits its britches at the first sign of trouble. Contributor: anonymous.

Much of the reason we experience noise on landing over Ramsgate is because training flights are precisely that. Half the time the pilots get too low and have to put their engines on... They are training and get it wrong! - Local pilot

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Eastcliff Richard is an opinion-based blog. If you disagree with something you read, feel free to leave a comment to that effect. If you want to take it further, a friendly request for a correction or addition, stating your reasons, will almost certainly get better results, and cost you less, than instructing a lawyer. Email richardeastcliff@yahoo.co.uk

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In Ramsgate, Eastcliff Richard punning on the town’s division into East and West Cliffs takes the palm, its witty creator concealed behind the persona of a media moghul who might, to judge from accompanying sketch, have been played by Terry Thomas. - Country Life

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The Thanet Daily is a humour/satire/local gossip blog based on the Isle of Thanet in Kent. Opinions expressed on this site may not be suitable for minors, wilting flowers, or duffers. The content, opinions and comments contained in this blog do not necessarily reflect the views of its author(s), fictional or otherwise. The Thanet Daily accepts no responsibility legal or otherwise for their accuracy of content. The Thanet Daily is not responsible for the content of external internet sites. Actually, if truth be told, the whole thing is a crock of shit.