Posts Tagged ‘Match of the Day’

Premier League Chief Executive Richard Scudamore has announced that the rights to show full replays of all 38 Premier League games played in the 1992/93 season have been sold to the TV channel UK Gold for an undisclosed fee.

Officers investigating allegations of sexual abuse by notable figures from the 60s and 70s have concluded today that, the only man currently alive that’s ‘completely trustworthy’, is veteran TV and radio presenter, Des Lynam.

‘We investigated Des thoroughly, and amazingly, we found zilch’, said one anonymous Yewtree investigator today. ‘We rummaged through his bins, hacked into his computer and interrogated him in a hot room for six days straight, but the guy’s clean. We didn’t even find any evidence of any suspiciously long hugs. We’re now able to confirm that Des Lynam is currently the only celebrity over sixty still at liberty to appear on TV not wearing a pair of handcuffs with a jacket pulled over his head’.

Cardiff City have sent a 5-page letter of complaint to the Premier League arguing that their 3-0 defeat at the hands of Crystal Palace in early April should not stand. The Welsh club claim to have firm evidence showing that Palace staff knew in advance that Cardiff were shit. Lawyers for the relegation threatened club allege in the letter that Palace boss Tony Pulis had watched Cardiff City play in the run up to the fixture and had even watched them a bit on Match of the Day the previous week.

Half way through the group stages of the European Championships and competition is hotting up among the television cameramen hoping to bag the tournament’s highest honour for picking out pretty young women from the stadium crowds.