Monday, March 15, 2004

Homicide Relief...

As we all know, every day of our lives is filled with its miseries. For some of us, they are little. For others, they are big. And sometimes they vary.

When you have one of those days when the world conspires against you, wouldn't it be better if someone would just kill you? You'd have a lot less to worry about, fewer things to remember, and you wouldn't have to watch that look of glee people get just before forcibly inserting a plunger handle into a hard to reach area.

But I've notice something and that is that people just aren't willing to kill you. No matter how much you might want them to, they'd much rather avoid that.

"Ken, you're going to be stuck at this dead-end job for the rest of your life."

"Can't you just kill me, instead?"

No, they don't kill you. They'd rather see you suffer. And so you continue through this maze of misery that is life, never seeing around the next bend where dangers that maim but never, ever kill await you.

How can we end this vicious cycle? It's really quite simple. If each of us would kill one person each day, there'd be a lot less suffering, a lot less misery. (Heck, you could spend a week on just one family and not have to look for anyone else!) Eventually, this homicide relief would catch on and groups all over the country - and around the world - would be helping those in misery without even having to be asked.

Contribute today to Homicide Relief. Your contribution of a severed head or disemboweled, um, bowel could help end the cycle of misery that life brings so many of us. Do it today.

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(Homicide Relief and the Homicide Relief Fund are divisions of KillCo and are not endorsed by the My Side Foundation. The My Side Foundation promotes the regular donation of your entire income to Ken La Salle and not random killing sprees.... not random ones, at least...)