Who's the Wanker Now? Hint: Not Andy Rourke of The Smiths

Last week, I called out Andy Rourke of the Smiths for standing me up not once, not twice, but thrice. As you may know, Rourke of The Smiths took my advice and showed up to spin this weekend at the Ruby Room. And me? Well, I took the opportunity to embarrass myself in front of a member of my all-time favorite band. In fact, I'm hesitant to share this story because I worry he'll be able to find me.

But here goes.

This is what I thought would happen if he showed up: Andy gets there, I introduce myself, thank him for being in the world's greatest band - one that changed my life - and I buy him a drink. He does his thing, afterward we hang and become BFFL (Best Friends For Life).

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What actually happened: He arrives and is standing by the bar - he's much shorter than I thought he would be. I introduced myself, thanked him for being in the world's greatest band and that I looked forward to him spinning. Awkward silence. I then asked him if he would like a glass of Absinthe, "Noooooo way!", he replied. He is sticking to Vodka Screwdrivers. I walked away, tell my friends that if he plays a Smiths song, I will buy him a Screwdriver.

A Smiths song comes on, I rush to order the drink, go back to the stage to dance and have a friend deliver it to me on stage. I receive the drink and I am excited to deliver it to Andy Rourke. Unbeknownst to me, there is a chasm between me (the stage) and him (the DJ booth). He sees me walking towards him, I extend his drink to him and I proceed to fall into the abyss of lameness and spill half of his drink all over the side of the DJ booth. He looks incredibly pissed, lifts up his laptop and moves it. I look incredibly embarrassed and mouth to him "I'm sorry." Then I rush away off the stage to the safety of my friends. He continued to spin. I later noticed a bar stool blockade (no doubt erected because of me) and two Vodka Screwdrivers by Andy Rourke's side.

That supreme lameness aside, the night at the Ruby Room was great. My friends had a great time, we won 2 CDs (Headlights and Shiny Toy Guns), and Andy Rourke showed up for me to make a complete wanker out of myself. My, how the tables have turned. --Peter Storch