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How to Get the Proposal You Want…Without Asking For It

By Rori Raye, author of best-selling eBook 'Have The Relationship You Want' and free newsletter

May 14, 2012

What happens when you meet someone, fall in love, and think you’ve finally found your one? It’s all supposed to happily fall into place where he gets down on one knee and asks the magic question, right? Well, what if he doesn’t?

That’s what happened to me when, after years of heartbreak over the wrong men, I met the right one. Unlike the men who had gone in and out of my life, I met a man who wooed me and pursued me like no other. We fell in love. I thought everything was right on track to my happily ever after, so I moved in with him. I thought everything was all set, and that the proposal was a sure thing.

Then everything came to a screeching halt when he told me he “wasn’t ready.” Yet I was able to turn things around – and quickly – without playing any games. I simply ignited in him a natural desire to commit to me. Here’s how I did it, and how – when the time comes – you can, too.

FEELING MY DREAM SLIP AWAY:

I can clearly remember the night my then boyfriend told me he needed more time before proposing. It was New Year’s Eve, and I had thought this was the night. But instead of a ring, I got the “I’m not ready” speech. Immediately, I was thrown into a spiral of uncertainty and panic. I wasn’t sure what to do. Should I move out? Should I break up with him? I had waited so long for this moment, and now I felt utterly powerless to make anything happen. It was as if my love life was happening to me, and I had no control over how anything turned out.

TURNING UNCERTAINTY INTO EMPOWERMENT:

Then something hit me. I realized, in that moment, that I was caught up in fear of losing him…but what about him losing me? What about ME losing me? I realized that I could end up wasting months living with a man – and being exclusive with him – while essentially cutting myself off from other opportunities and the commitment I needed. I also saw that I had placed all my hopes and dreams in this one man, and that doing so hadn’t gotten me the security I needed with him.

So I told him this: “I love you, and I want you to take as much time as you need. But while you’re deciding what to do, you can’t have me all to yourself.” It wasn’t manipulation or an ultimatum – it was a way of taking care of myself and doing for myself what I needed to do.

RECONNECTING WITH MYSELF…AND INSPIRING HIS PASSION:

I had been so focused on what HE needed, and I decided to redirect all that energy to ME. So I went away by myself that weekend and did just that. I reconnected with myself, and, in doing so reminded myself that I had a life outside of him.

When I came back to our apartment, my vibe had completely changed. Now, I was focused on doing things that pleased me. Suddenly, I was once again the woman he originally fell in love with, because I was a woman who made MYSELF more important than him. And that’s incredibly attractive to a man. He sees that you don’t depend on him for your happiness, and it takes an enormous amount of pressure off him. It draws him in, magnetically. He becomes mesmerized by you, and he wants to be part of that.

That’s what happened with my now husband. Two weeks after telling me he wasn’t ready, he was proposing to me. What had I done? Nothing but remind him of who I was – without him. My newfound passion for myself woke him up to the fact that he wasn’t the only man I could have a life with. And, with that, he decided he’d better do something to make sure I chose him. We’ve been married for over 20 years since.
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The commitment process starts from the moment you meet a man. To learn how to date and relate to men in a way that quickly draws your Mr. Right to you, subscribe to Rori’s free e-newsletter. Rori will teach you specific words and body language you can use that will inspire a man to want to create a lasting relationship with you.