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Every Child is Gifted & Talented. Every Single One.

March 18, 2014

“Don’t worry, Scout, it ain’t time to worry yet,” said Jem. He pointed. “Looka yonder.”

In a group of neighbors, Atticus was standing with his hands in his overcoat pockets. He might have been watching a football game. (*He was actually watching the house next door to the Finch home burn to the ground.*)

“See there, he’s not worried yet,” said Jem.

To Kill a Mockingbird

Last week, one of my mama friends called to tell me a story. Her daughter had come home from school and while she was eating a snack she said, “Mom, I’m sorry but I’m not gifted. They sent home letters today to the gifted kids. I’m not a gifted kid.”

Let’s talk about that. I have some thoughts, and so I’ve just sent up a Twitter prayer to the G-O-D that it’ll all come out right. Sometimes I know something to be true, down deep in my bones, but when I try to turn it into words, it changes. Gets all jacked up. Like how blood is blue till it hits oxygen and turns red. Which is why I predict we’d be better off if people talked less and just quietly knew more. She said, as she wrote her 3,670th blog post.

Here I go. I’d like to talk to you about your brilliant children.

Listen.

Every child is gifted and talented. Every single one. Everything I’ve ever written about on this blog has been open for argument, except for this one. I know this one is true. Every single child is gifted and talented in a particular area. Every single one also has particular challenges. For some kids, the classroom setting is the place where their genius is hardest to see and their challenges are easiest to see. And since they spend so much time in the classroom, that’s a tough break for these little guys. But I know that if we are patient and calm and we wear our perspectacles and we keep believing, we will eventually see the specific magic of each child.

Like my student who was severely dyslexic and also could’ve won Last Comic Standing at age seven. “Hey, Miss Doyle. Were you really busy last night or something?” Yes, actually, I was. Why do you ask, Cody? “Because your hair’s actually the same color it was yesterday!” The boy was a genius.

Like my precious one who couldn’t walk or speak because of his severe Cerebral Palsy, but whose smile while completing his grueling physical therapy inspired the rest of my class to call him the “bravest.” Genius, that kid.

Like my autistic little man, who couldn’t have hurt another living being if somebody paid him to. He was the most gentle soul I’ve ever known. And he loved animals like they were a gift made just for him by God. Which, of course, they were. But nobody in our class knew that but him. Undeniable Genius.

Like my third grader who read like a kindergartener and couldn’t add yet. But one day I stood behind her at recess, where she played all alone, and heard her singing to herself. And that was the day I discovered her gift. It was also the day that she discovered her gift. Since I FREAKED OUT. And marched her over to the rest of the teachers to make her sing for them. And announced to the class that we had a ROCK STAR in our midst. And she quietly beamed. And she sang all the time after that. All the time. Actually, it was a little much. But we let it slide because you don’t mess with artistic genius.

Or the little man in one of Chase’s classes who was always getting in trouble. Everyday, getting in trouble. And Chase came home one day and said, “I think he’s not listening because he’s always making pictures in his head. He’s the best draw-er I’ve ever seen. He’s going to be famous, I bet.” Chase was right. I’ve seen this kid’s work. Genius.

Or my little one who was gifted in learning the classroom way, and was miles ahead of the other kids in every single subject. But had challenges being kind and humble about her particular strengths. So had a lot of trouble making friends. Sometimes it’s tough to be a genius.

Every single child is gifted. And every child has challenges. It’s just that in the educational system, some gifts and challenges are harder to see. And lots of teachers are working on this. Lots of schools are trying to find ways to make all children’s gifts visible and celebrated.And as parents, we can help. We can help our kids who struggle in school believe that they’re okay. It’s just that there’s only one way to help them. And it’s hard.

We have to actually believe that our kids are okay.

I know. Tough. But we can do it. We can start believing by erasing the idea that education is a race. It’s not. Actually, education is like Christmas. We’re all just opening our gifts, one at a time. And it is a fact that each and every child has a bright shiny present with her name on it, waiting there underneath the tree. God wrapped it up, and He’ll let us know when it’s time to unwrap it. In the meantime, we must believe that our children are okay. Every last one of them. The perfect ones and the naughty ones and the chunky ones and the shy ones and the loud ones and the so far behind ones and the ones with autism.

Because here’s what I believe. I think a child can survive a teacher or other children accidentally suggesting that he’s not okay. As long as when he comes home, he looks at his mama and knows by her face that he really is. Because that’s all they’re asking, isn’t it?

Mama, Am I Okay?

In the end, children will call the rest of the world liars and believe US.

So when they ask us with their eyes and hearts if they’re okay. . . let’s tell them:

Yes, baby. You are okay. You are more than okay. You are my dream come true. You are everything I’ve ever wanted, and I wouldn’t trade one you for a million anybody elses. This part of life, this school part, might be hard for you. But that’s okay, because it’s just one part of life. And because we are going to get through it together. We are a team. And I am so grateful to be on your team.

And then, before we dive into “helping.” Let’s just eat some cookies together and talk about other things. There are so many other things to talk about, really.

And then our kids will see that we are like Atticus Finch . . . Hands in our pockets. Calm. Believing. And they will look at us and even with a fire raging in front of them they’ll say, “Huh. Guess it’s not time to worry yet.”

And then we’ll watch carefully. We’ll just watch and wait and believe until God nods and says, “It’s time. Tear open that gift, Mama.”

You could just as easily say, “All kids are mentally disabled.” Would you be having this argument if your friend’s daughter had come home and said, “Mommy, teacher gave out the letters to the mentally disabled kids and I didn’t get one… I guess I’m not mentally disabled.”?

There is a difference between ‘a gift’ and ‘Gifted.’ The term ‘Gifted’ is defined by the Elementary and Secondary Education Act as Students, children, or youth who give evidence of high achievement capability in areas such as intellectual, creative, artistic, or leadership capacity, or in specific academic fields, and who need services and activities not ordinarily provided by the school in order to fully develop those capabilities. In other words, we’re not talking about how special your kid is, we’re talking about brains. Special needs kids need different services and activities than your kid, and, likewise, GT kids need different services and activities than your kid. I appreciate that you’re posting from emotion and that you care about feelings, but your feelings are hurting kids. Please research terms before you post.

‘GT’ kids don’t need different services in a vacuum. All kids need services that meet their needs. And in that way I agree with the argument that every kid is an individual and therefore gifted in her own way. We also know that kids develop at different rates. Some who appear ‘gifted’ in elementary school (according to the best criteria) fail to manifest that in any significant way once they get to high school. High school teachers are frequently left wondering about GT identifications, when they see no evidence of higher performance as kids enter 9th grade. It is a rudimentary (and lazy) educational system that used a tracked system that relies on labeling ‘gifts,’ when we know that all kids have gifts and they manifest in different ways at different times. Tracking has a bad rap because it limits kids. Yes some kids have greater abilities than others, but we would do far better to advocate for a system that is adaptable enough to meet all kids where they are at, instead of believing that we can somehow magically predict the golden children (we can’t) and then provide a special track just for their benefit. A good start would be to get rid of high-stakes multiple-choice barrier tests which drive instruction toward low level teaching to the test. It is possible. Worldwide there are a lot of school systems that are flexible enough to meet the needs of a wide range of students and not surprisingly, they consistently outperform American students.

From where I stand you can’t just “appear” gifted to be identified as gifted, but maybe that varies from state to state. My guess would be that high school teachers may be baffled because the system is so broken for gifted kids (and no, not everyone is gifted) that by the time they get to high school they have lost all faith in the learning process and therefore no longer care because they have never actually been challenged properly. Again, broken systems left and right.

Yes. I agree! “EVERY CHILD IS GIFTED & TALENTED. EVERY SINGLE ONE.” THAT IS NOT TRUE. A lot of people misunderstanding this. They should know and collect their mistake before confusing other people who doesn’t know about “Gifted”.

I’m coming to this particular post a bit late but I love it. I am genuinely struggling to understand the upset it’s caused. Then again, the more I know, the less I know. But I wonder, could it be that most of us are still trying to remember our own greatness that we came in the world with? That we’ve denied it for so long that it’s strangled in cobwebs of self-doubt and stunted passion and maybe even some shame that it’s not what everyone else expected, and that in turn flows on to our kids in an insidious trickle of a deep down need for everyone to fit in? Into some category, whatever that is? WE KNOW BETTER than to put our kids in boxes of certain definitions. We know to love them just as they are because they are our gifts, and no matter what other definition anyone else assigns to that, we know how special they are. But still. Posts like yours trigger something within us that bristles at the thought of NOT fitting in, of not being accepted, of not being special. And that’s just plain wrong. We are all special. Of course we are. All children are special. Of course they are. We were created in THE image of a very special energy for a very specific reason and for a very specific offering to the world. So, thank you for writing this. Thank you for taking the blows and thank you for continuing to be brave and put yourself out there. xx

Hi. I am a teenager and this is how I feel.
Everyone is individual. I can see this. I know it to be true.
As somebody who is advanced academically in some areas yet struggling in others I think I have a certain level of understanding which is found in the child rather than the adult. I am experiencing this, rather than it being a fleeting memory.
I understand individuality especially in the areas I am excelling at. I am good at this subject. Just like a child may be a gifted swimmer. I know how it is be held back in a classroom environment. Out of everyone in the room, I disagree with labels the most. It means that I am “stunted in my self expression and passion” constantly., and the teacher wants to break me further; they wish I’d stop asking questions – now I just ask google!
I know how it is to “shut up” and I know what happens when you have to help the slower learners; resentment, deep painful exasperation and frustration. I am a not an overly humble person, like the majority of teenagers (although I am constantly saying sorry, very British!)- it is people who want to be inclusive who oppress us most.

And I am weak in other areas. I have to TRY in these and LEARN life skills which I have been previously denied. And here, I am the weaker pupil who needs help. I LOVE IT SO MUCH! Here, my frustration has a beneficial purpose and it is an amazing feeling to find something hard!
But I don’t want to hold the others back. So I try my best and it is good enough for me!

I know academia isn’t my forte, but I love the subjects academia offers. I am a musician, and artist, a mathematician and a scientist, a composer, an avid reader and a talker, I am curious about everything and anything that spurs my imagination and …
This is what school doesn’t nurture. This is what giftedness can be.

I notice you celebrate the “gifts” of all the children you mentioned but you expect the gifted learner to be humble. You want her to deny her gift, keep it to herself. But all others are free to display theirs.

Humble does not mean denying. This post obviously triggered something in you and it is so interesting that instead of touching you, it made you…. angry? Upset? That the only word you noticed was humble and you turned it from a positive thing into negative one?
I was a gifted learner at school and I was also humle and never once did it occur to me that by being humble I denied my gift.

I have 3 children. Each is an amazing gift to our family, each has amazing gifts, but only one has an IQ 145+. In 1st grade, he started doing high school algebra in his head after learning it on YouTube. He does not want to go to school because little differentiation occurs, and it makes me sad that his great mind is not appreciated/nurtured in the classroom (due to lack of funding). Why as a society don’t we invest more in our highest performers? Even our top performers aren’t performing on par with other nations like Japan. Meanwhile, our older son is an amazing hockey player- he has to try out for his team, and parents demand/accept differentiation there. Intelligence, just like talent, runs on a continuum.

Yup. I’m the mother of a son who was deemed “gifted” because school work was generally easy for him – testing well above his peers. And he has trouble socially, so that’s what we work hardest on.
And I’m a teacher at a museum, talking with parents of all backgrounds, and listening to how so many push to have their child in older and more challenging activities because the child is “gifted” though they would no longer be placed with their peers.
I love that we are all gifted in something.
I think the title of the programming needs to change for children who test academically well above their peers. Because the too need specialized programming, just like those children who test academically well below their peers. We all love and need a good challenge. We don’t need to feel ashamed or guilty or smug because of the name given to our set of abilities. That doesn’t challenge anyone.

This post inadvertently illustrates the problems that the gifted* population encounter socially. It’s not just kids who gaze malignantly at their gifted-labeled peers. This post is a celebration of taking offense to the idea that this difference exists and is recognized. It’s *real*, it stems from physiological differences in brain structure and development. If the anecdotal little girl had come home apologizing that she didn’t make the volleyball team, not an eye would be batted, or at least we would be minus one impassioned blog post. Since it was an academic difference, *gasp!*, ohmygoshpoorgirlmyheartisbreaking”foryou”.

This is being perpetuated by adults. By blog post writers who list different gifts children could possibly have, and their complementary weaknesses. What we can assume to be the academically gifted example is a girl who does well in school, who is mean and snobby. Seriously?! For one, that illustrates an ignorance about how giftedness plays out in the classroom. Many gifted kids struggle and do not excel in “normal” classrooms, for example, and some of them may actually be kind and socially tolerable. If I were to walk into a classroom and try to point out the gifted kids, the top achievers would not be the first place I would look.

All kids are gifted and talented. This blog post, however, seems to be more of an attack on the idea that there are special needs for the kids who are labeled “gifted”. The author is offended by the idea, apparently, and is perpetuating the stereotypes that harm those kids. Why?! Go pick on talented athletes or great artists or something for a change. Because picking you are.

*I dislike the term “gifted and talented”, but changing the actual words would probably not solve the problem. Offended people would still be offended by the idea that there is a real difference and special needs associated with that difference.

As a parent to my son who I adopted and is/was deemed profoundly gifted prior to coming to me, I too dislike the gifted and talented term. As a statistician this son would be considered ‘statistically different’ in terms of IQ (+/- certain degrees). Just as his older brother would also be ‘statistically different in terms of IQ (and despite the ‘pc’ terms of cognitive delay that everyone uses my older son’s IEP says he is diagnosed with “Moderate mental retardation”). What if the little girl had come home and said, ‘mom, I have to tell you I am not different. All the kids got their different letters today and I didn’t get one’. As a parent of 4 children, all with labels, I have to say though I’ve NEVER heard of or had a child come home with a ‘letter of ____’. And certainly it would not have been announced to the entire class that some kids got their gifted letters. I have never told my son he is gifted but he does say things like ‘i get to go to the resource class because my brain is fast. I remember things a long time.’ and such. My older son says things like ‘i’m on the short bus. that means stupid bus for stupid kids.’ and ‘i’m in the slow math class for stupid kids. and I wish I was gifted’. My older son is also a ‘star player’ on the basketball team, scoring more than half the points in every game but he never says he is gifted at basketball. He just says he is ‘good’ and ‘got talent’. Well, I’m just rambling now with thoughts and now reasons.

I guess my point is like someone says below it doesn’t matter what we call it or how we qualify it. I get your point about adults perpetuating the debate though. I bet most people reading this blog are adults/parents with or without gifted kids who feel their child was stigmatized. And as adults we should be able to qualify in our heads ‘gifted and talented…yeah they mean academically gifted and talented’. We’ve probably all seen Little Man Tate or read about 18 month olds who taught themselves to read and yes, an 18 year old who teaches themselves to read does exist in the world and could be seen as ‘gifted’ by genetics/higher power if you believe in that with a special gift of learning.

oh, one final thought. One of my son’s ‘gifted and talented’ classmates is missing both arms below the elbows, has only one ear and one foot. he recently told me on one of their play dates: “God gave me a lot of brains but took away something too. I wish He didn’t do that. then I would be normal and not a freak.”

Sorry I typed on my phone..this one has fewer type-os I hope.I was “academically gifted”, so is my daughter, I suspect. Imagine, for a moment that after your senior year, instead of going to college or work you went to second grade, again. I was not hyper- sensitive but I was bored. Not knowing what to do with me they let me play in the pre-k room for half the day. In high school I helped in the principal’s office 30% of the class time. One of my teachers actually taught me via independent study. She said it was a distraction to have me in with the regular kids because I finished too early. I wrote a research paper for her on the influence of television media on the Nixon campaign. .. in the 10 th grade. (I was in AP classes by the way for most subjects)
All children have gifts. But most of them have the opportunity to learn something during the 6.5 hours they spend in school every school day, 180 days a year. I thank god that I was offered an escape from all of that sitting and learning nothing, even if it meant filling papers for the principal. And my IQ was only 145 or so. It gets a lot higher for some “gifted” kids.
In 2014, with all the technology and smart boards, it should be fairly easy to teach all kids where they are but they don’t. My daughter is six and the high reading group reads more than a year below her level even though the other kids are seven. The teachers response? “This is good instruction.” She is right. I love the teacher… But believe me, In the scenario I offered… it wouldn’t matter to you how good the instruction was in second grade, it would still feel like a prison sentence.

Last but not least. Let’s not assume that academic giftedness is the only gift a child has. These other gifts you mention are possessed by gifted kids too. The label is simply a means to identify a population for resource allocation because a second grade teacher typically is not trained to teach a kid who is reading on a college level. Therefore, a specific additional resource is required and must be funded. It isn’t personal. It’s money. Just like special ed.

Still waiting…I had your experience of yearning for learning, frustration, and boredom 30 years ago…and rexperience it regularly with my son today. They just passed legislation in NJ requiring differentiated instruction in the classroom for the academically gifted. Maybe in another 30 years his son or daughter can have an entirely different experience!

I was “academically gifted”, so is my daighter, I suspect. Imagine, for a moment that after your senior year, instead of going to college or work you went to second grade, again. I was not hyper- sensitive but I was bored. Not knowing what to do with me they let me play in the purrs -k room for half the day. In high school I helped in the principal’s office 30% of the class time. One of my teachers actually taught me independent study. She said it was a distraction having me in with the regular kids because I finished too early. I wrote a research paper on the influence of television media on the Nixon campaign. .. on the 10 th grade. (I was in AP classes by the way) All children have gifts. But most of them have the opportunity to learn something during the 6.5 hours they spend every school day, 180 days a year. I thank god that I was offered an escape from all of that sitting and learning nothing, even if it meant filling papers for the principal. And my IQ was only 145 or so. It gets a lot higher for some kids.
In 2014, with all the technology and smart boards, it should be fairly easy to teach all kids where they are but they don’t. My daughter is six and the high group reads more than a year below her level even though the other kids are seven. The teachers response? “This is good instruction.” She is right. I love the teacher… But believe me, In the scenario I offered… it wouldn’t matter to you how good the instruction was in second grade, it would still feel like a prison sentence.

Last but not least. Let’s not assume that academic giftedness is the only gift a child has. These other gifts you mention are possessed by gifted kids too. The label is simply a means to identify a population for resource allocation because a second grade teacher typically is not trained to teach a kid who is reading on a college level. Therefore, a specific additional resource is required and must be funded. It isn’t personal. It’s money. Just like special ed.

I think this is my final thought. It all comes back to us and what we tell our children about themselves and others. This was one of those golden moments. Imagine the different conversation we would all be having now if the story had gone this way (recognizing child said “gifted”): Mom: “Of course you have gifts, honey. Everyone does. A few kids at school need harder and different lessons to keep learning. Can you imagine?! They want to have fun and not be bored, too. They are called ‘gifted’ at school because their gift is about learning. Are you friends with any of them? A lot of times they can be really fun.” No anxiety. No projecting. Her child would have become empowered with a “gift” of understanding that would help lay the ground for acceptance and, possibly, love. She could help spread it, too. Maybe the post could have been more about celebrating how we teach our kids about others’ gifts and not so much about assuring ourselves, the adults who already know, that all children have gifts.

First of all, I think you are amazing and I love everything you’ve ever read by you except this post. I had seen it before and decided not to comment, but I’m in the midst of reading your book (which I had loved so far) and then was disappointed to find this as a chapter.

Please, please stop saying that every child is gifted. It’s not true. Every child has gifts and every child is special. But “gifted and talented” is a very specific (and poorly named) classification that only applies to a small percentage of children. I know that your heart is in the right place, but this is harmful to our children.

My daughter is 10 and is exceptionally gifted. And we struggle so hard to parent her. She suffers from asynchronous development that makes her heart break over things most kids wouldn’t consider. She struggles with anxiety. She understands things in her mind that her 10 year old heart cannot process. She is bored to tears at school, forced to sit through hours of things she already knows. (Can you imagine if you had to sit through the fourth grade again….listening to hours each day to thinks you already knew?) But there are few people I feel comfortable discussing these issues with because if I do, I get eye rolls and an assumption that it must be so nice to have such a “smart” kid. As parents of exceptionally gifted kids, we fight so hard to get others to see that our kids need help. This is population of children at high risk for suicide.

I don’t expect you to take up the cross of gifted kids…you do so much good already. But I do want you to understand that when you say things like “every child is gifted” that it makes it so much harder for parents who are already fighting an up hill battle to get their kids what they need.

THIS. SO MUCH THIS. I hope Glennon reads this comment from “Concerned Mom” and really takes it in and then further educates herself on the topic. As a parent of gifted kids and a gifted educator I am so tired of the gifted stigma. It’s exhausting.

I don’t know if I would feel comfortable saying “their gift is about learning.” Have never been identified as gifted, but identified with my ‘gifts’ being more in the academic arena than anywhere else. How would a child like that feel? Bright children who are not necessarily gifted can have the gift of learning too and we all learn differently and gravitate toward different types of learning (even within academia) anyway. I would just feel discouraged if I was told ‘their gift is learning.’ I mean everyone needs to feel confident that they can learn and learn how to learn.

This website and its comments are providing a wonderful forum! Great conversation. NAGC defines gifted as: “Students, children, or youth who give evidence of high achievement capability in areas such as intellectual, creative, artistic, or leadership capacity, or in specific academic fields, and who need services and activities not ordinarily provided by the school in order to fully develop those capabilities.”

Exactly. This was a very well thought out and eloquent piece, much of which I agree with. I did not think the author was attacking giftedness in so much as she was stating that people see a positive connotation linked to intellectual giftedness that is not given to other individual strengths and she does not want her children to think that because they are not “gifted” that they are not special in other ways.

It’s attitudes like these that get in the way of letting these kids with extraordinarily beautiful minds who feel very alone in this world have that one saving line of being told they too belong and they too have a place in this world.
The shame belongs to anyone who will so flippantly disregard the REAL TRUTH and try to take that from them.
The only truth you speak of is every child is a gift and everyone has a purpose in this life.

There are mothers and educators with voices in the world that are ready and willing to disagree with the self appointed proclamation that this is not up for argument.
These kids have the right to be acknowledged, recognized and to have their needs met so they can meet their full potentials too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxrz7vp2HtU This is where my daughter has found a home every summer since 6th grade. Intellectual peers matter. Teachers who can go there matter. They need someone who will not stare at them when they ask the deeper question and reduce them to names such as “teacher’s pet” or “nerd.” Here everyone “got” my kid. They have fun together. They are accepted for their strengths and challenged and not the only one for maybe the first time ever. They are from every walk of life. How many do we lose because we stomp them down to fit into a mold. How many bored ones end up in juvenile hall or drop out because no one thought meeting there needs mattered? Meeting there needs might mean a future cure for Huntington’s Disease, a future founder of Facebook, a future Lady Gaga, a future Paleobiologist an endless list of futures for themselves and a brighter, more interesting future for us all? All because just this once they felt at home.

Below a parent talks about how the word “gifted” gets in the way and how “gifted” kids are not just “smart”. A very tort reply to this ends with “Lol”. I read this and take a long, deep breath and exhale. Here’s the thing: parents of “gifted” kids no matter their means or education, learn they need to prep their “gifted” kid for “Lol”. At the very heart of the matter, “Lol” is what makes putting oneself out there, being vulnerable and talking about what the formal label “gifted” means feel like a battle for love lost. Time after time after time. Respond by laughing out loud at a parent earnestly trying to explain a struggle with the label “gifted” because of – get this – how others respond to it? THIS is how, whether educational professionals like it or not, our competitive, self-absorbed culture has twisted its meaning to the point that in most spheres in life it ends up helping very little. Parents don’t say it out loud. “Gifted” kids never do. Everyone pay attention. Three simple letters on a blog comment sums it up. It sometimes baffles me to no end why we, the parents of “gifted” who, yes, also have kids who are not “gifted”, keep reaching out to others for understanding and support. Except this: 1) we know our kids need to be challenged at the right pace and experience failing – just like yours, 2) we know they need healthy social experiences (and guidance) to grow into healthy adults – just like yours, 3) we know being “gifted” is absolutely no guarantee in life for anything despite what everyone else seems to think otherwise, 4) we know being “gifted” can sometimes actually be a pretty heavy thing, and 5) we keep believing in the power of the human spirit. We know, we JUST know, that if we could finally build that bridge of understanding you would care. Educational professionals have given us “gifted”. Maybe we should start there. Everybody tell us what “gifted” in an educational setting means – the whole of it. Describe to us what a “gifted” kid is. Tell us straight out how to challenge “gifted” kids. Explain to us how a “gifted” person’s brain works not just “faster” but “differently”. Tell us how you would explain that to kids who are not “gifted”. Share your ideas for preserving their spirit despite prejudice and misunderstanding. All I ask is that you please refrain from laughing out loud. Please.

I have to say that it is because of articles and comment arguments like this that I feel I have to hide the fact that my son has been identified as “gifted.” Whenever I tell someone that he’s going to be changing schools and going to a full time gifted program charter school because his current school isn’t giving him what he needs, I get really nervous and my heart starts beating like crazy. I’m afraid to use the term gifted and talk about my son the way he deserves to be talked about because I don’t want anyone thinking I don’t think THEIR kid is special or has gifts. We get put down for advocating for our “gifted” children and called elitist. I worry that being publicly proud of my son will hurt someone else, and that’s kind of BS. I’m sorry your child didn’t get picked to be in the gifted program. My son will probably never be chosen to be on a competitive sports team, and he’ll have to deal with that disappointment. But please don’t make me feel bad that my child needs differentiated education from yours.

My child is different. She is bullied. She is an easy target for other children to pick on and doesn’t have the skills to defend herself. She is socially awkward and slow to pick up on social cues. She is told by teachers to not answer questions so much. She is told to not raise her hand so much in class. She is told in groups to not talk so much and to not say the answer even if she knows it. She is told daily to be silent, sit still and not participate.

She is not taught the skills she needs – such as how to better understand people, how to read facial expressions, how to tolerate sensations such itchy tags. She is taught she needs to put the other children’s needs first, all the time while they learn skills they are lacking. She just needs to not interfere in their education, in their inspiration and in their time.

She has almost no friends. She has no one her age to share her interests with. Children daily tell her she thinks she is so smart but really she is terrible. Teachers tell her this is her fault. She needs to be silent more and then the children will like her more. She needs to pretend to share their interests and then the children will stop making fun of her. She needs to change into someone else.

“At a certain point in your life, probably when too much of it has gone by… you will open your eyes and see yourself for who you are… especially for everything that made you so different from all the awful normals. And you will say to yourself… But I am this person. And in that statement, that correction, there will be a kind of love.” Phoebe In Wonderland

I am not getting the problem here. It was stated early on:
“Every single child is gifted and talented in a particular area. Every single one also has particular challenges”
There’s no claim that those identified as gifted are perfect. She is pushing back against the popular image of giftedness because a little girl had somehow already internalized and now saw herself as ‘less than.’

“We can start believing by erasing the idea that education is a race. It’s not. Actually, education is like Christmas. We’re all just opening our gifts, one at a time. And it is a fact that each and every child has a bright shiny present with her name on it, waiting there underneath the tree. God wrapped it up, and He’ll let us know when it’s time to unwrap it. In the meantime, we must believe that our children are okay. Every last one of them.”
I would love a school like this.

If the blog had been written that “…every child has gifts and talents” there would be no problem and no issues. The example the blogger used to convey her message that all kids are a gift, have gifts and talents is unfortunate and as many of the posters have pointed out fuels a stereotype and a lack of understanding of what “gifted” is. We deal with it on a regular basis – with friends, family, educators and strangers.

We didn’t choose the term. There is not other term that’s been proposed that is better. I wish they would find one. It would save us all a lot of stress.

That said, I do not believe there was any intent on the authors part to offend people who have been labeled or parents of children who have been labeled “gifted”.

BUT–that is not the definition of “gifted” that is being tested when the EDUCATION LABEL “gifted” is applied. I wish the thing that is traditionally called “gifted” were called something else.

If everyone would simply understand that “gifted” is not a synonym for “smart”, many of these arguments would never occur. Most people would love for their child to be “smart”, but many of us with “gifted” children know that life would be so much easier for them if they were “smart” instead of “gifted”. It is not easy to be “gifted” because it means you are very different, and often not in a way that is applauded by society!

Whenever I hear “all children are gifted”, I wonder if it is also true that “all children are developmentally delayed”, and why we don’t just stick all kids into “special education” classes.

Which every time you change the name of those classes, it just becomes the new taunt. People say “You’re special!” or “That’s special.” all the time as an insult, or if they do something they think is stupid they say “I’m special today”. Same with gifted – if you changed the word, it’d just become “Everyone thinks their kid is a differentiated learner.” “People who talk about being differentiated learners are egotistical and arrogant and weird.” “All kids are differentiated learners.”

My theory is that the problem is at the root of our culture, an equation that most people seem to carry around in their head without realizing it.

Intelligence = education = money = worth.

Of course the root problem is money = worth, but for this particular issue the first two are important as well.

Notice how when people talk about gifted education being elitist and how it’s not necessary and how it should be cut, no one ever brings up the gifted working class and minority kids whose parents can’t homeschool or move to a different school district or afford outside tutors. Because intelligence = education = money, right? So kids without rich parents couldn’t possibly be intelligent or “gifted”, according to American culture.

I was a working class gifted kid. My community was fairly homogenous though and most of us were working class, and we somehow skipped having that mental equation. So it wasn’t a problem where I grew up because it wasn’t seen as a social status thing and we weren’t big into capitalism and we didn’t connect our worth as human beings to our production of things valued by capitalism and how much green paper we had. We weren’t obsessed with comparing ourselves to others.

We were just a couple of generations removed from Appalachian subsistence farmers, so our culture was more about working together to survive than about competing against each other for survival. So not only was “gifted” not an issue, but I don’t remember any bullying of the kids on the other side of the spectrum either. Or much bullying in general. People signed my yearbook “to the only person I know who’s smarter than me” and talked about “Oh, of course, ask the genius” in class discussions, but it was all good-natured and I was popular and they all wanted me in their groups and on their teams when we did group work. I wasn’t a threat to other people’s individual survival. I was a boon to the group’s survival.

I have noticed in many many mainstream (i.e. middle class) discussions of giftedness that people seem to think that you are not gifted unless you succeed in a way that hardcore capitalist society values. They don’t seem to realize at all that it is a neurological difference, and that actually probably a lot of people with that neurological difference are going to way be more concerned with equality and justice and saving the planet than with a sociopathic pursuit of money and status.

Because I grew up in a working class community, I never knew about the prejudice against and hatred for gifted people until I got on the internet. But after years of observing the online conversation about it, I really think that the issue is not the kids, or their parents, or the word.

The issue is American culture, and how it pits people against each other and how it values money above all else and how it is drenched in bigotry and it does not give equal opportunity to everyone. The reason why “gifted” classes are mostly made up of white middle class and higher kids is not anything wrong with the “gifted’ designation itself. It’s something wrong with how that school is identifying “gifted” kids.

And yeah, when you say that everyone is gifted, I feel like you’re discounting everything I’ve gone through with having to learn how to deal with the fact that actually, very few people are like me.

Like I said, it wasn’t much of a problem when I was growing up, except that my father died when I was seven and the other members of my family are not very cognitively complex, so I had to take care of everyone and I couldn’t share any of my inner experience with my family because they weren’t capable of understanding it.

But when I got online and found mainstream middle class culture – then came the ostracism, the bullying, the invalidation, the lack of understanding, the projection of insecurities on to me.

Changing the word isn’t going to do much. Changing the culture will. If you teach your kids to value everyone’s contributions and to see life as a group survival project rather than as a crab bucket where you have to kill all the other crabs to survive, then maybe both “gifted” and “special’ would just be words used to designate a set of needs that are different from the norm, as opposed to trash cans where everyone dumps their personal insecurities.

Exactly! I am also a gfown up GT kid. You never outgrow all the anxiety, need for structure, social awkwardness as you age because it is who you are as a gifted person with excitabilities and intelligence. It is extremely difficult to get the educational needs of my gifted children met in public school.

This made me cry. I have 3 kids. One struggles terribly with self-confidence. One struggles terribly in relationships. I love them and believe in all of them like crazy. Your words inspired me to love them even better. Thank you.

A dear friend sent me this post since it touches on a conversation she and I have had for several months now.

I am gifted. I have two gifted kids. I am also a person with a disability. I am a long term advocate for persons with disabilities and an emerging advocate for kids who are labeled “gifted” per the criteria for giftedness in educational circles.

Language with powerful and words and labels change as our societal perceptions change. Sometimes changing words can help change perceptions. An “invalid” (in valid) conjures up a different image than a “person with a disability” (person first, possible limitation second). Those language changes have been mighty powerful over the years- as a society we can barely use the “n” word. That word did not always have a negative connotation it does today.

We all have lots of labels. As we go through our days and our lives those labels are more or less relevant, damaging or helpful. “Mom” is relevant at bedtime. It is not relevant halfway through Bikram yoga class. “Adult who was Formerly a Gifted Child” is generally not relevant or damaging, but it sure does help me understand my kids and helps me get through some meetings. It sometimes gives me some credibility in some meetings. Labels inform- and sometimes they shape feelings, emotions and perceptions. Sometimes that is bad. Sometimes it is good.

I can’t argue that labels are not important or are unnecessary. They are. If I have a file cabinet of folders for documents and papers and they have no labels I have an unorganized mess that is unmanageable. Those labels – “mortgage”, “blue cards”, “BBB Complaint” – may be emotion laden or not, but they help sort that world. Labels for people do too- they help us sort information and make sense of what we are facing. The problem is when we make faulty assumptions or prioritize the information in a way that limits the opportunity that each interaction with another human. If you meet me and the first labels that you have for me are “profound hearing loss” you *might* start your encounter with me with a whole lot of concerns about whether I can understand you, if I need an interpreter, if I can hear my children cry or if the Starbucks we are meeting in is too loud. All those worries in your head could impede your ability to know the delightful being that is me. If I meet your “high functioning gifted child who also has Asperger’s and dyslexia” I might not be looking for the beaming kid who has organized the patch of clover on the playground by shades of green. At the same time though, if you know that I am a “person with a profound hearing loss” you might not take offense when I don’t turn around when you call me – I am not blowing you off, just did not hear you.

Now for this gifted business. It truly bothers me that as parents we are loathe to utter the words “Bobby is gifted” until we know that it is perceived as being safe. What is the reluctance? Are we afraid we will be accused of bragging about our kids? Are we, who generally better understand what it means to be a gifted kid, BRAGGING? Would we be doing some good if we started talking about it so we can start educating? “Yes, Bobby is gifted and in the school’s pull out program. One of the characteristics of a lot of gifted kids is that they can be overly sensitive and that is why he was so upset when Joey upset the fire ant mound because it hurt the fire ants and affected the ecosystem in the backyard.”

Should we change the language? Maybe. I don’t know what the new language should be, though it seems easier somehow, for me to go to school and say “Bobby is neuro atypical and I would like to consider accelerating him in math” than to say “Bobby is gifted and I would like to consider accelerating him in math.” astounding- same kid, same strategy feels completely different.

Yes- all of us, and all kids, have gifts and talents. Kids who are gifted as defined by a fairly narrow criteria have talents and gifts too. They all have some very specific needs that need to be understood and addressed.

Wow, I needed this today! Had parent teacher interviews with my little son, who is in kindergarten and was feeling badly after that. Hard to hear some of the things he needs to work on and i could tell his feelings were a bit hurt. Reading this felt like a gift to me today and a great perspective.

“Every child is gifted and talented. Every single one.” and so they grow up, an every single adult is gifted, and so every single person on the planet is gifted. What a planet full of only gifted people we have!!

I’ve been casually following this conversation here and other places around the web, and I have a few comments to add regarding the debate around what to call people with exceptional intelligence. I was labeled a “gifted” child throughout my school career. I’m now an adult parent with my own children, one of whom has special needs, so I completely get the need to passionately advocate for your kids’ needs no matter where they fall on the intelligence spectrum. I applaud parents who are proactive in helping each of their children meet their fullest potential. And I understand your desire to move the conversation forward even if that means using new or different words to do so. You may feel moved to advocate for a new “label” for this population that will help increase acceptace for both your “gifted” child and the “normal” people who don’t currently understand what “gifted” means–that it’s not a belittlement of their own “normal” children. I’ve seen suggestions from parents and teachers including “asynchronous learner”, “exceptional learner”, “hi-IQ”, “accelerated learner”, “divergent learner”, “brilliant”, “neuroatypical”…the list goes on. I think asking people, as well meaning as they may be, (parents, teachers, outsiders) what to rename “gifted” individuals instead of asking actual gifted individuals what they want to be called is marginalizing. It would be no different than assigning a new name to an ethnic group, let’s say, without including them in the discussion. We deserve a seat at the table. Right now most of the conversation is happening *around* us without *including* us, and I think it’s because people forget that the “gifted” population is not solely made up of children. We don’t outgrow our exceptional abilities, and we should be part of the conversation. I would urge any well-meaning group or individual looking to advocate (on behalf of their children or students) for new language to define this population–partner with the adults of this population. If you are not one of us, don’t assume you know what’s best to call us. We deserve the privilege to define our identity, no different than any other special population expects and demands.

All children matter to the people who love them.
All children are worthy of love and support.
All children have potential that should be nurtured.
All children have a part to play in the world.

Those are the things that are important for children to know, and I think they are what Glennon was trying to say. We can be wounded by school through the comparisons that are forced on us by testing and grades, and the assumptions people make about our futures: wounds of underestimation, wounds of not being seen or valued, wounds of low expectations. Those wounds are real; they should be acknowledged and we should work to heal them.

But there are other kinds of school wounds: wounds of cutting down or undermining success, wounds of being required to go through the motions of what you already know, day after day until you are completely drained of your once vibrant passion for learning, wounds of denial of your abilities.

Instead of seeing the acknowledgment of giftedness as the thing that is wounding, maybe we can see that it is the institution of school and comparisons, the rankings, the sorting that it requires to operate on its industrial model as the thing that is wounding. When people say “All children are gifted” they are trying to heal one wound but making another wound worse by erasing the experiences of others and denying their existence.

My thoughts have been skittering around while reading this post and the comments. I admit that I enjoyed the post more than I anticipated since I began in warily. I was in GT in elementary and my oldest daughter is too. I wouldn’t be surprised if my second daughter is tested for it soon too. As most mother’s I’m sensitive about my children, but I’m also pregnant with my 4th child and hormones made it hard for me to read the post without blubbering. You see, I absolutely agree that all children are gifted and talented. I also completely agree that the most important place to build a child’s self-worth is in the home. Here is why.

I am the oldest of five children. In third grade, I was tested and put into the Gifted and Talented program. I wasn’t separated out from the rest of my class except for an hour a few times a week when I went to GT with a few other kids in my grade. It was great getting a chance to stretch my brain further and flex my budding creativity. Two years later, my sister followed me into the program.

By this time, my brother had made it clear that learning was not going to be easy for him. He was held back in kindergarten, resulting in his former classmates calling him flunker for the next five years of his life. He was tested and diagnosed with ADHD and Dyslexia. His time was split between the regular classroom and Special Education classes. Back then, teachers didn’t know what to do with kids like him. He was put in a big box to help keep him from getting distracted. He literally had to sit, surrounded by cardboard while he was in the regular classroom. He was always behind getting his work done and misbehaving so that every recess was spent with his head against a brick wall while kids played around him because he was in trouble. My parents’ life became consumed with his learning. They spent hours every night teaching him things he would have forgotten in the morning. They fought teachers about his I.E.P. because they couldn’t understand making adjustments for a child to help him/her succeed in learning. Now, I would never say that he wasn’t intelligent, gifted, or talented. Let me tell you, that kid lit our lives up. He was a ball of adventure, creativity, innovation, and mechanical genius. We never knew what knew thing he was going to do make us laugh, amaze us, or scare us to death.

My youngest sister didn’t struggle with behavior, but she too was diagnosed with ADHD and some learning disorders. Her life was not as extreme as my brothers, but it was difficult in many ways for her. She too attended Special Education Classes.

My youngest brother didn’t go to GT or Special Education. He seemed to be like the other students, except of course that he was an individual with his own struggles and strengths. Smart, but slow and meticulous, as well as quiet. That made classroom performance difficult though he learned everything easily.

Today, all five of us have a four year college degree, my first sister with a Masters of Education specialized for Special Education. She currently devotes most of everyday to the rigors of helping her students. All of us have spent our lives finding our talents and developing them. Why? Because my parents invested themselves in each of us individually. We never doubted our worth or potential because they never did. They never let any of us give up or do less than we were capable of. They didn’t let the labels of the world replace our individual identity.

So where do I stand on the name Gifted and Talented? I can see why a different name could be better, but here’s the reality. No matter what label you put on something, it’s going to take on a meaning and connotation based on what it represents. This is why kids like my brother and sister had to face teasing about how they were “Special” because they were in Special Ed. What a beautiful word to be so twisted around to mean something hurtful and degrading. Especially when it should never have been a negative thing that they needed to be taught a different way to succeed. GT is vital in helping students to reach their potential and have self-worth. My daughter goes once a week to her special class where she flourishes, but is very accepted and comfortable in the regular class room where she has many friends. Would a different name for her class make it more acceptable or less hurtful to those who aren’t in it? Maybe. But that name would still represent what these kids are capable of and what they need. Would that name not take on the same hurtful connotations? Should the class be done away with? Absolutely not. They need that class as much as any kid in Special Education need theirs.

It’s simply this: It feels wrong that a beautiful word is reserved for just a few. Even to gifted people. Contrary to what others might think, gifted people think about this a lot. Let’s change things up! How about joining hands with all the mamas of “gifted” kids who also know the world needs a different term and demand it happens? At the same time, listen to these mamas and open your hearts to learning about the uneven physical, emotional, social and intellectual development of these kids who benefit from a specialized kind of guidance through certain parts of life. Those mamas will tell you about the struggle that is 24/7 without even having to be asked. Their stories start from baby’s earliest days and it was never about a present being slowly unwrapped. It was never about the right books, toys or music when they were little. Baby was born this way. Baby’s lens has always been different, faster, hotter, harder, scratchier, even overwhelming to baby who initially thinks this is everybody’s normal. Soon they learn everyone else seems to be handling this living thing with a lot less intensity and questioning from others. “What’s wrong with me?” And it will touch these mamas tremendously that you listened and care. It is more about how a little kid is wired to take in the world, think about it, feel about it, and make connections years beyond the total of their time spent living life. And they stay that way their whole life – even though they might hope “normal” is a few days away. They know deep down that they are different (not better). We can provide you lots of examples of what they are told by adults and kids about their different-ness. While the words are often not mean-spirited, the sting they invoke helps build that next layer of lonely feeling. Not all of them are shy, not all of them are blatantly quirky, some of them are successful, well-liked by other kids and respected leaders, especially if they’ve figured out how to navigate “normal”. And it is also true that most of them live an internal life of extremes their little soul just can’t manage well without some dedicated guidance and no-strings attached acceptance. Let the schools know it is an injustice to your kid to be identified as “not” something beautiful by virtue of others being told they are. We agree! Help intellectually gifted kids find acceptance and a place where they feel safe and free to be who they are without worrying about shining too brightly or being cut down. We won’t need to write reams about universal giftedness or gifts anymore. And our little ones will know all the mamas care.

I’m 8 months pregnant with my first and this made me soo weepy. All babies are special, they are all gifts and it’s up to us as their mamas to reinforce all the beautiful things they are. I’m going to sit here and feel all my little girl’s twists and turns and just trust that she (and I) will be okay. xoxo

Glennon, your post is beautiful and I just have to share with you how some of the negative comments actually helped me. I was labeled “gifted” as a child, but until reading the comments in this post, I never knew it was a THING. I always just thought it meant I was extra-smart, and no one ever told me differently. No one told me that there are so many behavioral things that can go with it. I am in my thirties and I feel like so much of my life is making sense now. I am happily married with children and life is pretty darn great, but there are all sorts of little things that are “clicking” now. And I’m 99% sure that my oldest child is “gifted” and maybe now we will be able to parent her a little differently, a little better.
So I hope with all my heart that the negative comments didn’t get to you, not even a little tiny bit. But if they did, I hope it helps knowing that it was the negative that helped me, and may have even changed my daughter’s life. Even the bad can lead to good. Love wins. God bless you.

Rachael, I urge you to follow up on that finding out it’s a “thing.” I’m of a similar age, and, oh, how I wish it had been more widely known that giftedness isn’t just about smarts when I was younger. If you can help smooth the path for your daughter, you’ll be doing a great service to her mental health. And it might do you some good to explore it too and how it informed your childhood experiences.

It’s true that everyone has “gifts” but that’s not what “gifted” means in this context. I hated the word growing up because I knew it made other kids feel bad, but I’m eternally grateful that I was put in the gifted program. I’m not a genius or anything but I was so so bored before and all of a sudden we actually got to LEARN and I met other kids like me who were interested in what I was interested in. It changed my life. Bottom line is every kid has different challenges, talents, and needs and educators should and usually do (if they have the capacity) try to give each child what they need. This doesn’t mean the “gifted” kid doesn’t have needs as well. I think we should come up with a better word because it didn’t make anyone feel nice. After I went through my program I think they ended up renaming it the “energy” program or something like that. Also, a gifted program doesn’t have to mean isolated. We had recess with the other kids, but most of them were mean to us and didn’t want to play the same things we did.

I think that what you are missing is this – an autistic child or a dyslexic child could also be gifted. It isn’t either- or. It could be AND. If one of these children were gifted on top of their other disability, they would need their gifted needs to be addressed, as well. Gifted doesn’t mean what you think it means. All children are a gift, but the word gifted is actually a special needs designation.

I was (am? no, wait, I have mommybrain now) gifted. Segregated and separated out from the “other” kids from 4th grade on. Did well in grade school, did well in college, doing just fine in life.

When Facebook came out, I got a bunch of friend requests from people I’d gone to school with. People I didn’t know well, because I’d been placed in the “special” classes. And I really missed out. There were some really amazing people that I am only now getting a glimpse of. People who are kind, and intelligent, and remarkable.

I would not have gotten dumber if I had been in a class with them. I would like to think that, in some small way, I might have been a good influence on them. I know that they would have had a good influence on me. Any time you expand your world, your broaden your mind.

My children go to a school with no gifted program. There are kids across the spectrum in each class, and they work together in project based learning. If one child has a solid understanding of a concept, he will help another one that is struggling. These children do not get bored; they are always encouraged to delve deeper into the subjects they are studying.

Just like real life.

As an employer, this is what I need my future workforce to know. I need them to be able to work with a variety of people. I need them to be able to be self directed, and not wait for me to hand them work, but to find their own opportunities to grow and make themselves valuable. I need them to know how to learn on their own, because continuous education is a requirement for most jobs these days.

Nobody has “gifted” or “dyslexic” or “ADHD” stamped on their forehead when they are an adult. Nobody even puts it on their resume. If school is preparing them for adulthood, why do they need the labels there, either?

I love your summary. I had no intention to reply to this thread at all, but in so many ways, this describes my adult thoughts on it so well.

I was “gifted” as a kid, as were all my siblings, so I’ve seen that side of the equation first hand. Now I get to see the other side of the coin with my daughter who didn’t standardize test well in K & 1st grade. She has more creative & social studies interests anyway, so who knows if she ever will. We had to make to make some major adjustments to seek out a school that would provide the kind of environment you talk about, but I’m so happy we did.

For me, a big part of what inspires the icky taste I have for gifted programs is the segregation. The school district we left started segregating kids into G&T classes and regular classes in 2nd grade – all day, and we are talking entire classrooms full of kids not some super elite top 1%. The teachers certainly had a positive spin, and it was never the school that made it into an obnoxious label [aside from their obvious contribution of just having the program.] But the offhand things I heard from parents when discussing this program ranged from the relatively innocuous comments on the social benefits because so many of the good kids are in the G&T program to comments about keeping kids away from the riffraff by going to the G&T program, or parents telling their kid not to worry about all those other uninteresting 1st graders because they’d never have to deal with them again. My general gut reaction was infuriated that not only did were kids like my daughter perceived as having little valuable interaction to offer in the classroom (because she, like so many others, of course do), but that her opportunities would become very scarce to watch some of her peers with very academically valuable skills in action and potentially pick up on some of the ways they think through problems.

I feel confident that eventually, almost every single one of those G&T kids WILL have to deal with some “normal” people just like I do in the real world. I wish our public schools would focus more on showing kids how to work cooperatively with a wide spectrum of people. I certainly could have benefited from that myself. And in my experience, others end up appreciating and and applauding one’s gifts far more when that person is sharing them with the people around them.

Hello. I saw this the other day and I have to say it did ruffle my feathers, even though I knew what you were really trying to say. I teach gifted kids, and have done so for 17 years, and I’ve seen how rough they have it. I’m so saddened by the loss of this wonderful resource our country has in these kids. I think the hot responses come from this long term fight (from those of us who know these kids) that we constantly fight for them. They don’t know what normal is, they only know what they are, and it seems they are despised for being who they are, especially by those who are supposed to be developing their special skills: our education system. Our feathers get ruffled because we hear this statement all the time, and have to again explain, “It’s an educational term, not a slight against others.” The students get this as well. They wish there was another term, but then what would we call “them?” With their gifts come great vulnerabilities, and we take these gentle giants of the educational world, make them sit, tell them they’ll be fine because they will pass a blasted test. That said, I have had students who are what we call “bubble kids” who are on the cusp of the right score, and look for anecdotal evidence and allow them in. They almost never last. Some do, but it is out of sheer work and determination, which is different from that need that was discussed earlier. I know your heart was in the right place on this post. But I want to defer to Pearl Buck for those who don’t quite understand, because she said it best:
“The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this:

A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive.

To him…

a touch is a blow,

a sound is a noise,

a misfortune is a tragedy,

a joy is an ecstasy,

a friend is a lover,

a lover is a god,

and failure is death.

Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create – – – so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, his very breath is cut off from him. He must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency he is not really alive unless he is creating.”

Thanks for this; it’s similar to how I feel. Former-gifted-kid now adult and I don’t think it’s the best term for similar reasons – I agree with the intent of this post that every child has gifts, talents, and deserves to be cherished/valued/etc but I also struggle with how it normalizes the intensity of the officially “gifted” kids who feel ALL THE FEELINGS ALL THE TIME and everything is intense and they have to be perfect and it’s not really so much an indicator of talent or ability but of processing information. It’s something I’ve been considering a lot lately, actually thinking back to the blog post here on Frozen as an example. I was trying to explain to a friend how TRULY UPSET I was about some trivial thing that had me crying all day, and not doing very well. And then I remembered that blog post, and a book I read on gifted kids, and it was like a light went on: this is why I am the way that you am, and nothing is wrong with me.

It has been so interesting to read all of these comments. I was slightly wary of the article, but the responses have been overwhelmingly well informed, with great explanations. I was also a gifted child, unfortunately in a country which did very little to support us. I have moved overseas to raise my own family. I agree that the one of the bigger issues here is the label. Throughout my childhood, I had many of the same mental and emotional issues that many other gifted children face, trying to take my own life several times before I was 10 years old. Unfortunately over the years, I lost a number of other gifted friends who couldn’t cope. It’s so sad to see people still treating this as something to be dismissed or ridiculed, not a neuroatypical situation to be supported and catered for. It can be cheap and easy to take measures like skipping a kid forward, rather than bullying them until they snap. To this day, most of the adults I know who were gifted children from my home town are battling severe depression and mental illness and several are unable to work. When I see the amazing things that can be done to support gifted children overseas, it makes me so sad that we all had to go through such hell as children and become such damaged adults. It makes me even sadder to see articles that treat gifted as some sort of bragging right, when in practice it’s quite the opposite, and in my experience has been something to feel guilty about and conceal. Children should not have to feel that way about any condition they’re born with, especially not ones that could be so beneficial if catered for! I understand though that the idea of “gifted” as in “having a gift” sounds lovely and should apply to everyone in one way or another, to let us appreciate our talents. I would vote in favour of a word like “neuroatypical” to show that we’re not talking about bright kids or high achievers (many gifted kids very quickly learn to stop being high acheivers). Neuroatypical shows that these kids do need extra help and support.

Stacy – I have never seen so eloquent a description of my son until I read the Pearl Buck words you provided. It’s an amazing thing to realize that you have a community of people who understand your child’s life. I’m at a loss for words to describe the beauty of that poem for me personally. Thank you a million times over.

Thank you Stacy. you describe just at it is.
My “gifted”son who is of a gentle nature, had to deal with this aspects. At school being picked up for being so mature and confident at 6. He would come home crying saying, I do not understand it. Why they play with my feelings as if I was their toy, just for their own amusement? “. He is passionate to no end about all animals. One day while reading a book, they showed the picture of an animal in Australia who has been extincted. He started crying and said, mom, why? Why humans do that?. Now I will never get to meet it in person!….talking about their sensitive adult minds in a little body. They have their own struggles.

I shared this with the person who is in charge of student support and curriculum at the wonderful school where I teach. She then shared it with all of our faculty and staff. Every single one of them. I loved this piece and I particularly loved it as a mother of a child who has needed me to stay calm and be on her team, except I haven’t always done that in the ways that she needed. As you said, all kids need us calmly on their team to support them and to reassure them that problems can be tackled ( together). Thank you.

I don’t think anyone is wishing for their children to be any one other than who they are and to be valued for who they are without labels. Every child has his own strength and weaknesses as well as difficulties with life. We are called to be the best parents to the children we have been gifted with and desire that they become the best that they can be.

Agreed. Every child does have strengths and weaknesses. And we absolutely should help our children become the best that they can be. What I was referring to was the wish that every child is gifted. It is a wish because it is not true, as so many, many others on here have so beautifully stated.

I think it might help if the term was intellectually gifted rather than the all encompassing “gifted” It seems you are saying that the term applies to only a small portion of our society and that is not true. A small portioned is intellectually gifted but we have people who are gifted in a wide range of special talents and abilities. They are no less gifted and I don’t think that would should be reserved to apply to only a small portion of people. I think that is what Glennon was trying to say and many people seem to be upset because she was using the word to mean able to do at least one or more things better than most people. It seems sad that the word is used in such a narrow definition and those who used it in that way get very upset if it is used in a different way. It makes no sense to me. To say that others are gifted as well in no way diminishes it’s use for those who are intellectually gifted and is the point that Glennon seemed to be trying to make.

Alas, we have little to no control over the term. Maybe changing it would help. Maybe it wouldn’t. I don’t know. By definition (as of how the term stands now) it *does* only apply to a small portion of the population.

As far as it making no sense to you why it upsets people, it’s like saying every child is autistic. Which, again, is not true. And, being a mom of an autistic kiddo, that would greatly upset me.

I feel that continuing to comment on here is adding fuel to the proverbial fire. So much has been said already. Both sides have been argued.

Imagine having to sit through a SEVEN HOUR work meeting with your peers…during which the same information or information already known to you is presented over and over. The meeting and all the information is repeated daily…adding only small pieces of new information over time. You are asked to sit quietly and patiently throughout the meeting. Your attention cannot wander even though the information is achingly dull, obvious and was known to you before you arrived at the meeting. You can’t fiddle with your cell phone, scribble notes or make lists — your attention is required to be on the boss and you’re supposed to listen to the peer discussions and work out the same problems and projects with minimal differences alone and in groups all day. When you try to discuss things that are interesting to you, or to bring up counterpoints or introduce new information — you’re told that this isn’t the proper forum for that….and directed back to the mundane, repetitive tasks you’ve been asked to do again. Your boss seems fine with it. Your co-workers seem fine with it…in fact they ask questions that show the repetition is NEEDED by them…they are oblivious to your needs.

And here’s the clincher — you need to work on this same material, in this same 7 hour format with these same peers — EVERY DAY….work moves forward at an excruciating slow pace.

It’s not even relived during your breaks and lunchtime….because during those moments — you are unable to leave the workplace and are still surrounded by your coworkers. They sense that you’re different and think you’re weird. They can tell that you aren’t like them. Their conversations hold little or no interest to you, and your attempts to engage them or relate to them on their level are met with confusion, hostility and intolerance.

Guess what?

That’s a gifted child’s experience of school until they get assessed as gifted and some measure of real differentiation in the learning experience is provided for them.

My kid went through that from kindergarten to third grade. She’s been miserable for most of that time. Our district has NO PROGRAM whatsoever to meet her needs as a GATE student at school.

For her…when something interesting is presented and she has a question about it — her question cannot be answered by the teacher because taking time to do so would confuse EVERYONE ELSE in class and derail the learning experience for them. So she’s marginalized and ignored because “she’s doing fine” academically.

Except she isn’t.

She’s bored out of her skull and losing any and all interest in school, education and LEARNING.

She used to be a happy, bright child that ate everything up like a sponge soaks up liquids. But not now. 3 years of public school have beaten all the interest in learning and academics out of her.

She hates school now. And it shows. As a result of that stifling, boring, repetitive environment — her attention wanders — when iit does she becomes a discipline problem for the teachers who until this year did not recognize her as a GATE child and instead saw her as remedial, maybe ADD, maybe autistic, maybe just STUPID…

Seriously, I’ve had a 1st grade teacher try to tell me my child might be mentally challenged — my kid who started reading at 3, and read Harry Potter at home in 1st grade was given “Dick and Jane” style books by her teacher and constantly recieved “uh-ohs” and reprimands from her — because my kid was SO board in her classroom she just checked out mentally and stopped participating at all…leaving the teacher convinced that she was an uncooperative space-cadet who did not UNDERSTAND what was being presented to her…

Why did this happen? Because intellectually — my child has SPECIAL NEEDS. She is gifted. Gifted is a kind of “special need” no different than any other….the school provided assistance to kids that had dyslexia, developmental delays, autism… But nothing for my kid.

My kid is being slowly starved intellectually. She’s being given one tiny piece of information — something she mastered instantly — over and over and over again, in tiny allotments. She needs a whole meal…the other children don’t have that sense of intellectual starvation — for them the pace is fine, rigorous even. But for her? It’s like being give droplets of water when she’s dying of thirst.

Are all children special and wonderful with strengths and weaknesses and talents and challenges? Yes.

Being “gifted” isn’t about being treated like you are special. It’s about having a SPECIAL NEED and a right to have that need met, just like other children do.

Thank you for this! I logged on to respond to this blog post, but you said everything I was going to say and much more effectively than I would have. “Special needs” is absolutely the right term to apply to rapid learners forced to sit with age peers for hours on end. Teachers should receive the training and resources necessary to address the needs of the academically gifted.

Not all teacher put children through that. Some of us spend extra time finding enrichment for your children. You can also find things they are interested in and give them opportunities to expand their horizons at home. I met with my son’s teacher and got permission for him to do extra field trips and study on the Civil War because we lived in Virginia and he was fascinated with all the battles. We visited battle fields, took pictures, studied the battles, built dioramas and what ever he wanted to do. He drove the exploration based on what he was interested in. His teacher allowed him to present it to the class and get extra credit for all his work. His teacher was awesome and allowed him to follow what he wanted as long as he also got the classwork done. I do the same thing for the students in my classes.

Former gifted kid here, and it’s been a revelation to find out as an adult that school systems are treating high-IQ kids as having a special need. Because it is. It’s not just the high IQ, it’s how the emotions of a child clash with the intellectual understanding of the world. Kids like me understand the pain of the world too soon for our hearts to handle it. I remember when a therapist told me to google “the emotional needs of gifted children,” and when I need, my eyes got big. These lists described my inner life growing up.

Gifted kids aren’t perfect, but many are anxious perfectionists who struggle to fit in. There are costs that come with it, and I thank God that more gifted kids are getting their needs met.

Thank you for the insightful post. I think it’s the best representation of being “gifted” I’ve read so far. My son’s public school had a GT program, but just busy-work, mostly arts & crafts. In fact, often the non-GT kids can do the same project and get extra credit for it, where the project is required for GT kids. Not sure if they get any credit for doing the project or if there are consequences for not doing the project. He became so bored that he was getting physically ill at the thought of going to school, and we were close to getting in trouble with the school district for absences and tardies. He is in private school now, with challenging work and students who are a lot like him. We were also prepared to consider other nearby public schools and school districts, charter schools, and online schools. I hope that your daughter is somehow able to enjoy school there or find another option. If we had stayed, middle school did have a better GT program than elementary, maybe that is the case for you. We also know someone whose work schedule prohibited homeschooling, but she was able to send her son to a homeschooling group (she probably paid the parent/teachers). That was just for one year and he was an 8th grader. He then went to public high school where he is thriving. As the years go on, advanced classes do become more available. I think my son could have been successful in public school once the advanced classes became available to him.

You have described my child’s EXACT same experiences in public school, down to a tee. I kid you not. I hope you check this again. Please look into and research Montessori and see if it might be something that can help your child.

You are right, every child is special. And every adult used to be a child. I think it translates. Love of kids where they are starts with love for ourselves. When we come home at night, adults don’t have parents to remind us we are okay, at least not earthly parents. But you can be darn sure God (and Mary) are there eating cookies with us and telling us how amazing they think we are!

Every every child is special, but the “every child deserves a award” mentality is DESTROYING this country. My reading on your article does not seem to suggest you support that, but we need to be careful propping kids up with unrealistic entitlement beliefs. Hard work and discipline are the only ways to get ahead.

I love this Glennon, and it reminds me of Howard Gardner’s theory of different types of intelligences. I have never liked the moniker “gifted and talented,” because it takes one sort of intelligence, and makes it sound like the only one there is.

Some of us have seen this in our workplace — the brilliant person who knows his stuff, but can’t get along with anybody and loses his job. He’s “gifted and talented” in one sense, but needs help and support, even TUTORING, in others.

Yes Paula! I love the multiple intelligence theory. We use it in my school to help guide our teaching.

I feel like people are missing the most important point in this. If a child has an adult in his/her life that believes in them and LOVES them and supports them and advocates for them. They can go far!!

It doesn’t matter whether you like the term or not; you can’t just pretend that these kids don’t exist because you don’t like what they are called. The designation “gifted child” has a specific definition. It describes children who are *more*: faster learners, more sensitive, more emotional, more intense, more likely to drop out of high school, more likely to struggle with depression (from the age of 3 or 4 in some cases), more likely to kill themselves and more likely to end up in jail than the general population. This is a “gift”? Are you sure you want it? Saying “all kids are gifted” denies these sensitive, emotional, tormented kids’ *very existence.* Is that what you wanted to do?

“…education is like Christmas. We’re all just opening our gifts, one at a time. And it is a fact that each and every child has a bright shiny present with her name on it, waiting there underneath the tree. God wrapped it up, and He’ll let us know when it’s time to unwrap it. In the meantime, we must believe that our children are okay.”

This is where I started understanding what she was saying, something I can agree with whole-heartedly. Up until this point in her post, I was struggling. I am a gifted adult. My kids are gifted. My husband is gifted. It is not a “you are winning” type of label, but rather a “you are weird” type of label. (Weird is really okay with me, I decided in 4th grade that it was a compliment.) Every child has a gift waiting to be unwrapped from a loving God who created them, so true (and beautiful too), but Giftedness suggests more. There is a reason that many of the greatest minds of the past have been thought to be “gifted” (From Ben Franklin to Einstein; from Bill Gates to William Shakespeare), because historical accounts of them have revealed the “oddness” and “extreme creativity” and “obsessive or hyper focus” that are typical of gifted people. Many of those people struggled in their personal life, school life and professional life because of their “weirdness”.

I fully embrace Gardner’s theory of multiple intelligences, but disagree that the “Gifted” label only addresses the types that are valued by standardized tests or WORSE “one sort of intelligence”. In fact, I struggled in school because my intelligence is not the “Verbal/Linguistic” or “Logical/Mathematical”, and yet my internal experience through-out my childhood and on into my adulthood has been extreme… and so very (very) different from the majority of my peers. AND I was fortunate enough to be tracked with gifted and high-achieving kids from 3rd through 12th… but my unique, er, atypical neurological development caused an internal war inside me.

Being “Gifted and Talented” has very little to do with being “brilliant” or how well you can do school work, it has to do with the way the child relates to the world around them, (think the autism spectrum), though often the “moniker” means a child is better able to grasp the simple concepts taught in school faster than the average child, it is not a type of “intelligence”, but what a child can DO with their intelligence that is different. The sooner we stop taking the label personally, or treating it with fear, the sooner we will begin to truly develop these minds in a healthy and productive way.

GLENNON! It occurred to me this morning that the problem isn’t you and your essay- it’s us! What a relief! This is all just a big miscommunication. I was sad when I got the letter saying my child didn’t test into G&T, I did not understand what it actually meant. I feel much more ok now that I understand what it actually is.

Let’s all try and LOVE our way through this. We just didn’t understand. Now we do. I’m sorry to the mama’s who read my comment and were hurt. I just didn’t understand.

If all children are gifted (meaning the label, not having gifts in various labels), then no child is gifted. Gifted doesn’t just mean high IQ. With that usually comes other issues. So, if the child in the story is truly gifted (meaning the label, not having gifts in various areas of life), I would worry more about addressing her other issues so that she is more free to use her giftedness in academia. I am assuming said child has sensory issues, social issues, or the like that often comes with giftedness.

It’s doing a child a disservice to tell them they fit a label that they do not fit. Amazing that we wouldn’t rush to tell a child they had special needs but we freak if another child has a special need called giftedness. I think people think this just means smart. It’s so far beyond that. It’s multi-faceted and it’s a lie to say all children fit that label. Do all children have talents? Absolutely, 100%, yes. Every child has an area in life they excel in and those talents should be fostered by their parents and family. But, not all children fit into the well defined label of gifted just like not all children fall into the well defined label of Autism, Down Syndrome, Cerebral Palsy, or special needs.

“Talented and Gifted” can either be read as two adjectives (such as awesome) or one noun (as in “the program”). In the lead up paragraph, you used “gifted” as a replacement shorthand for the specific “talented and gifted” program, or the noun.

To understand why people may be upset, go back through and replace every “gifted / T&G” reference with “the program” (the noun) and I think it might become clear. For those who are miffed, go back through and replaced “gifted / T&G” with the word “awesome” and I think that’s what the people who love this interpreted.

I see the world in spreadsheets and patterns (which is an isolating “gift”) and my interpretation naturally follows how the essay was set up at the beginning – that “gifted” is a reference to the noun, not an adjective. It’s the way my brain is wired. The first time I read through my reaction was “ouch. that’s so off base.” But I understand that’s not what you meant or what most Monkees read.

As a side note, the other pattern that I see here ALL THE TIME is when someone disagrees with you, the Monkees turn rabid. #lovewins has transitioned to mean #wewin and they just don’t get it. We all walk into the room with the lens of experiences we’ve had, and those who see things in a different light aren’t welcome and are shamed for disagreeing. Shamed. Here. At Momastery. For being different.

I wish every Monkees would go back and read their responses defending you and slamming anyone who was hurt in the name of protecting you. #thatsnotlove

“As a side note, the other pattern that I see here ALL THE TIME is when someone disagrees with you, the Monkees turn rabid. #lovewins has transitioned to mean #wewin and they just don’t get it. We all walk into the room with the lens of experiences we’ve had, and those who see things in a different light aren’t welcome and are shamed for disagreeing. Shamed. Here. At Momastery. For being different.”

Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Thank you for saying this. Thank you. You have summed it up perfectly. And being on the receiving end of the shame and vile #wewin has been a great big ol’ learning experience.

I do admit that when I read someone who disagrees with one of Glennon’s posts I feel the need to protect her. I feel this way for two reasons. The first reason is because most of the time the person disagreeing is disrespectful and downright nasty to Glennon. Certainly we can disagree with her, but is it too much to ask that we do so with respect? The second reason is that because Momastery has become an important community to many of us. “We belong together” and we take care of each other. Although I have felt angry when people have attacked Glennon, I have never spoken up because I didn’t want to speak in anger. I appreciate your comments because it gave me an opportunity to explain how many of the Monkees feel. It may seem ridiculous to you that we could feel this protective of each other when we don’t really know each other, but that’s what makes Momastery so special. I think it’s awesome that a group of strangers can feel such a strong sense of community. It can’t hurt. And on behalf of all Monkees, I apologize that you have felt shamed when disagreeing.

Mama E.,
Thank you for saying this, but I would like to point out that people who disagree or have other perspectives to offer on things Glennon writes are still, also, part of the community here. Though I haven’t read every word of every comment, I don’t recall seeing anyone being directly disrespectful to Glennon. I did see a lot of people being incredibly disrespectful to people who are mostly just offering their part of *our* story here.

Not directed at you Mama E. but in general, some people really need to think about Glennon’s message a little more, and about defending her a little less. She didn’t feel the need to defend herself. She had the grace to read and think about our experiences. She learned from it and said herself that she now understands something she didn’t before. Why don’t the rest of the people here do the same?

Thanks for pointing that out Cheryl. Of course they are part of the community, but if you read through the comments, many of them don’t seem to see themselves as part of the community because of their differing opinions. And for the record, I did not say that disagreeing was disrespectful. I said that some of the people disagreeing were being disrespectful. There were many people who disagreed with eloquence and respect. I learn just as much from the people who disagree as I do from the original posts. And Anna, I am also a teacher and I agree with what you said about gifted children; I just didn’t take the post the same way you did. Perhaps I should have kept my comments to myself.

Please don’t feel that you should have kept your comments to yourself. Momastery is all about doing hard things. Yes this is hard and many of us on both sides of this are feeling misunderstood but continuing a conversation as long as it remains productive is how we all learn from each other and things get better.

Disagreeing is not disrespectful. In this case, Glennon was wrong, plain and simple. As a teacher I can say that without a doubt, highly and profoundly gifted children have special educational requirements no different from children who are delayed in one form or another.

My two children are bright and intelligent, but they are not gifted. I’m very glad that’s the case, as life will be easier for them (and me).

Oh and I am going to ask, respectfully, that Glennon and everyone else try to use “person first” language when describing accepted special needs. The phrase “my autistic little man” was jolting. Child with autism or child on the autism spectrum is a much less insulting phrase, as adults on the spectrum will tell you.

“Respect” is wonderful to talk about but the reality is when group-think enters into the equation and conflict heats up, respect tends to fly out the window as people take sides. Real personal growth, real #lovewins-style thinking should be about transcending that behavior, not reinforcing it by turning a blind eye at potshots and hatefulness online (and hunting down commenters to send them snark) because people feel threatened regarding different perspectives on issue. When that behavior is justified as natural protectiveness, it reads as “you only fit here if you believe everything X says and you hold your tongue if you disagree.” That’s fine on a blog, sure, but as the cornerstone of what aspires to be something akin to a cultural movement? Well, it’s a pattern repeated again and again throughout human history and sometimes with disastrous outcomes.

I don’t think bloggers are personally responsible for what their fans say. I do think, however, justifying negative behavior or excusing it because “we love X so much” is a very slippery slope.

Love did not win here, and the “monkees” hurtful comments have sent our gifted children and their families back into the closet feeling rejected, misunderstood (did any G-supporter really try to understand?) marginalized and afraid to advocate for the needs of their children.

I spent my childhood watching my mother advocate for my older sister who is on the autism spectrum and I am spending my motherhood advocating for my daughter who is on the gifted spectrum. The similarities in some of the behavior between my sister and my daughter is uncanny. Emotional outbursts, frustration, a need for routine, and a super sensitive requirement of life to be fair. I sense in my sister her desire to be “normal” and I’ve heard my daughter exclaim multiple times “why can’t I just be normal”. Life on either end of the IQ spectrum is not an easy place to be and requires significant support and advocacy from the people that love them. Through the years I have seen the words that catagorize the mentally and developmentally challenged children and adults change to be more sensitive to their personhood and experiences. I wish the same would happen for the term “gifted” for the children and adults at the other end of the IQ spectrum. It is not an appropriate label and causes so much misunderstanding and emotionality from the public. As mothers we all advocate for our children whether they have a label or not. I hope we can support each other without judgement since it all comes from a place of love for our kids.

I love this post – I’ve looked back at the original hundreds of times, trying to calm my anxiety about my daughter’s struggles in school. Thank you for posting it again today … one day after yet another teacher conference.

Ok. LOVE THIS, first of all. Secondly, I believe every word of this could relate to EVERYONE. Substitute the word “education” with “life.” Life is not a race. Life is like Christmas. WE ALL have special gifts. GOD is like OUR parent…he’s telling us that we’re ALL “ok.” He wouldn’t trade us for anything or anyone. He is GLAD to be on OUR team. He is the “calm in the mist of our storm.” He wants us to look to him when the fire in our lives is raging and see that He is calm. He’s got this and he’s got us. We just have to TRUST him and then we, too, can obtain that same sense of calm. LOVE THIS!

Every child can have a talent but not every child is gifted. They mean quite different things I’m afraid! I could argue the point more but I’ve been doing this for years now and frankly, it gets tiring. Some people have a higher IQ than others, some people have longer legs whilst others can grow their hair longer. Giftedness is something you’re born with – a predisposition and talent is what you get good at through nurture.

Have you ever had gifted babies? They’re very different to other kinds.

I love the message this post is going for. But imagine retelling the story and the little girl comes home and says “mama, I’m not special. Some of the other kids got letters today for special education, and I didn’t get one. Aren’t I special?” The response in the parent and the explanation to the child will be totally different. Children’s are a gift. Children are special. Every child has unique gifts and talents. But just like special education is a educational label with a specific meaning of needing/getting educational assistance outside the norm, gifted is also a label meaning needing/getting special assistance. A child not being in the gifted program is no more an insult or a statement of lacking than that same child not being in special ed. My son wouldn’t function well in a first grade classroom. He’d be a disturbance to the teacher and the other kids, not to mention how he would struggle. Adaptions that have him finishing third grade right now and starting fifth grade math are necessary. That’s not a brag, not a comparison or put down to other kids, but a statement of his right to an appropriate education and the benefit for him and his peers that it is accommodated.

Giftedness is asynchronous development in which advanced cognitive abilities and heightened intensity combine to create inner experiences and awareness that are qualitatively different from the norm.
Saying every child is gifted is as incorrect as saying every child is disabled.

No. ‘gifted’ has ONE meaning. It’s about IQ and that doesn’t always correlate to academic performance, you can’t actually be sure of giftedness without a psychometric assessment. Giftedness is being more than 2 standard deviations above the average IQ of 100.. so 130+ and then there are varying degrees of giftedness above that.

If my child came home and whimpered about not having a special letter so you went on the attack I would be looking at my parenting and my attitude rather than trying to cut the head off of every tall poppy. Do you do the same when she doesn’t get a party invite too? Perhaps you could stage a protest outside the Olympics because your kids needs a medal as well since “Everyone is an Olympian” makes as much sense as “Everyone is Gifted”.

Every child has gifts, in this, the author is correct. And these gifts should be celebrated. I love the stories she shares about how she has seen these treasured. However. The needs of those high-IQ students, the ones typically called “gifted and talented”, are as different from the norm as those students identified for special education. Special education classes exist to serve those who struggle with learning, and nobody would dream of denying these precious children the extra support necessary for them to succeed. Why oh why is it that it’s so difficult to see that the opposite end of the spectrum needs support to reach their fullest potential as well??! If you don’t like the label “gifted and talented”, then propose a new one and advocate for its use. But don’t try to pretend that my 7yo, who understands basic algebra already, would be well served by a typical 1st grade classroom and curriculum. That’s ridiculous. Why is it that an academic talent isn’t worth celebrating? Why the rush to deny my son’s special needs?

And frankly, Kimmybeth, you are the one indulging in nastiness. It does not strengthen your argument.

Not in this context. “Gifted” can mean that someone has been given a gift (though it’s weird and possibly inappropriate usage, I’m thinking of churches here) but in the context of kids and education, it does have a specific meaning and definition. It’s not pedantic at all to point that out, it’s LIBERATING, especially for the “gifted” (i.e. more intense) kids.

Looks like our kids are a passionate topic…and that makes so much sense. I have read through many of the comments, and I get what some people are frustrated about. Advocating for your kid is tough stuff.

At the same time, I hope that people who are miffed exhale a bit and understand that–at least as I see it–Glennon was trying to encourage us to see the gifts each child possesses, be it academic or otherwise. I don’t think she foresaw that using the term “gifted” would be such a hot button, and I hope that those who deal with that term in relation to a child they love can see her ultimate point.

Every child is a blessing. Every child can be a challenge. We are all children of God. Let’s remember the grace and mercy given to us and extend it to others.

This is my first visit to this blog. I have just watched Glennon’s TEDx talk and am struck by how eloquently she described the exquisite perceptions she had as a child and how, in attempting to cope with this sensitivity, she fell into addiction. Those truly familiar with “gifted” children will recognize this as indicative of Dabrowski’s 5 Over-excitabilities…emotional over-excitability and also imaginational over-excitability. “Normal” life is hard enough for most people, but when you are wired to experience the world more intensely and sensitively than most, it can sometimes be too much to bear. Please keep this in mind when reflecting on “giftedness”…and if anyone is interested in knowing more, SENG (Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted) is a lifeline.

I am really surprised that the schools are giving these letters directly to the children. At my kids’ public school, the letters are mailed to the parents. Then, if the child passed the test, the parents have the choice of allowing their child into the program. This gives the parents the ability to explain giftedness directly to their child. Unfortunately, not every child is tested, only those who are recommended for testing by a teacher or their parent.

Our school district says that GT is for those who think in exceptional ways, not for those who are just smart. However, most of the kids in the program seem to be typical smart kids, including my child who doesn’t have gifted characteristics, just makes better-than-average grades. But the program works for these kids because it doesn’t do anything really “gifted”, just gives them the opportunity to go on a field trip or two. I think schools do a disservice to those who have the psychological characteristics of “gifted” when they label ordinary smart kids as “gifted”. This is probably a lot of what led to the “every child is gifted” mentality.

As the mother of a child who was branded as “gifted” I can tell you it isn’t all roses. In fact I took my child out of her neighborhood school because of the backlash she and I received once I requested her to be tested and she more than passed as a kindergartener. Now in third grade and in a school that can handle all sorts of learning (dis)abilities, my girl still struggles with some of the social issues so prevalent in “gifted” kiddos but the staff is more equipped to handle differences. For three years I’ve encountered daily grown people and small people who treat both of us with severe hate. Yes, all children are gifted by God on the day he stitches them in our wombs. Yes, we are created with a desire to be loved and accepted and that need begins the day we are born. No it’s not okay for professionals to put labels on students especially in front of other students. However, everyone deserves the best of the best for their future and that includes my precious gifted girl. Living by the Golden Rule would solve most of the hurt we’ve experienced and if nothing else, that’s the lesson we will take away; they will see God in us!

Glennon, from one educator to another – girl, you’ve got it! I heard what you were trying to say, and you are right on. It is so very clear to me where your heart is, so don’t question it. We are ALL a part of this amazing sorority called “motherhood”, and we’re all just doing our best. One thing I’ve learned through my years in education is that the love mamas have for their babies is so powerful that sometimes our hearts take over and we get defensive…even when there isn’t anything to defend. I guess it just comes with the awesome, overwhelming power of motherhood. That’s why it’s the hardest AND most rewarding job in the world. Discussing sensitive topics is important; it’s necessary. Keep doing the good thing, G. It’s good…it’s all good. Blessings.

This comment is really dismissive, and I don’t consider that “all good.” No one who is disagreeing with the wording of this post is questioning Glennon’s heart. I didn’t get defensive reading it but I definitely saw that the wording was problematic. I understood and align with her intent to a point, but when it comes at the cost of communicating that there ISN’T a different set of challenges for those children who manifest symptoms that would label them as “gifted”, it isn’t worth it to me. There are other good ways to communicate the same message: all children have talents and abilities (and gifts, as a noun). All children are worthy of love and value and protection. All children, regardless of abilities, have worth. But not all children are gifted, not any more than all children are dyslexic or autistic or allergic to eggs.

Adding to my struggles: in the time it took me to type this and try to submit it WordPress spat this back at me: “You are posting comments too quickly. Slow down.” Thanks, WP! Thanks for reminding me of the 8th grade teacher who basically called me a liar when I told her I was done with my reading proficiency test.

Sarah,
It wasn’t my intention to sound dismissive. In fact, quite the contrary. I was offering an encouragement to Glennon because I could very clearly tell what she meant. You may not have felt defensive, but people in general are often quick to become defensive and jump all over someone without first considering their intent. My interpretation of how she was using the word “gifted” was that she meant the God-given gifts that we are all given. I didn’t read it to be about “gifted” in terms of learning differences/classifications. That’s how I interpreted it, and so I was simply affirming her that I got it. The comment about it being “all good” was meant to tell her that it will be okay, and that she should keep doing what she’s doing.
My intent was certainly not to offend anyone; it was merely to encourage Glennon.