A Jewish Woman's Journey Through Infertility

Archive for July 30th, 2010

The emotional overload upon seeing babies and pregnant woman – normal. My need to selectively avoid frum women with babies in social situations – normal. Feeling that my world is currently black and white – normal. Making excuses to skip out of bris miloth, upsharnesh, and other children centered events – normal. Sick feeling at the Seder table as someone’s cute kid recites “Ma Nishtama ha lailah ha zeh…” – normal. The unfolding of a Nes Gadol in the form of a tiny bundle of joy- priceless. For ivf treatments and new baby supplies, there is MasterCard.

On a serious note, a close friend of mine gave me a magazine that had an excellent article about couples who are dealing with fertility issues. The article, ” This Woman Has a Secret,” is neatly tucked away in the back in the August 2010 edition of SELF. Featured in this article is a couple who have endured the trials of multiple IVFs, and the shame associated with infertility. They did not even share their personal tragedy with parents and close friends. Similar to the 1970s when openly discussing breast cancer was a taboo, today infertility is one of those topics closed off to open discussions. Even insurance companies place infertility treatment in the same category as plastic surgery.

The article also portrays what it is like to walk into a fertility clinic. The atmosphere is so tense that one could cut it with a knife. Everyone in the waiting room are linked by the one common trial they share, yet no one speaks, nor does anyone give you eye contact. The outside world seems just as cold and isolating. No one means to say the wrong thing, yet time after time, someone inevitably does, or they avoid you like the plague because they do not know what to say. Seeing other people’s babies and pregnant women triggers pain beyond one’s wildest imagination. In terms of roller coasters, none can top the emotional roller coaster of popping fertility drugs that take a woman on a hormonal journey, lethal for the poor husband. These pills should come with a warning for husbands who may be on the receiving end of their lovely wife’s tirades. There is also the roller coaster ride of an ivf transfer, and the killer two week period.

The couple in the article did get their dream come true after two years, a time period that was long for them, and short for those of us who have been waiting for 4,6, 8, 10+ years. For me, if I did not have short nails from preparing for the mikveh, I would have chewed them down, due to the uncertainty of my waiting period ( no pun intended).

A very well written article in a magazine highly focused on strategies to get a flat tummy and 3-minute makeovers.