Attractive Men Don’t Make The Best Husbands

In the wake of the Anthony Wiener scandal, it’s hard not to speculate about how his beautiful, pregnant, new wife got herself involved with a guy like that.

46-year-old Weiner is a fit, intelligent, (formerly-promising) politician with a six-figure income and a reputation for being a ladies’ man.

According to Vicki Larson of Huffington Post, that’s where Weiner’s wife and other smart, beautiful, accomplished women often make their mistake. In “Hot or Not? Why Women Shouldn’t Pick Attractive Husbands”, Larson writes “The more financially independent women become, the more they prefer good-looking men. But they don’t just want their partners to be hotties; they want them to be masculine, physically fit, loving, educated, a few years older and making the big bucks. Oh, and they also have to really want to be a hubby and daddy.”

That’s a tall order.

She writes that men with more testosterone are consistently rated more handsome than other men.

And that men with more testosterone are 38 percent more likely to cheat.

She claims that the happiest couples are those in which the woman is more attractive than the man, rather than the reverse.

Read the full article here. Do you agree? What happened when you chose a guy based on his looks? Share your comments below, please.

Comments:

61

Marquis

#8 Lisa M.
“Yes I do find less attractive men to have serious self-esteem issues..”
“..And that has been my own experience whenever I give less desirable men a chance“. I dunno, I just found that comment to be fairly offensive though it was given as if it was perfectly PC. A few posts prior in post 4 Lisa M. herself was talking about double standards that men get away with (in particular, men being afforded by society to be picky about looks in their female dating prospects- and apparently women are not. Though I thought the very nature of this topic was a clear example of women being picky or otherwise making an issue of men’s looks). And then Lisa talks about her negative experiences with less attractive men’s self-esteem issues whenver she gives them a chance. Really now; if the non-chalance of that statement there isn’t an example of a double standard than I must not understand the definition.

What would be the tone had a man said something like that? ‘You know, whenever I give less attractive women a chance, my experience has been they have far more issues with self-este…’. The women here and on about any other similar blog/forum would be in an uproar- and that’s assuming the comment even got posted. Being a little more considerate, im sure wont hurt you in your dating, and even general social endeavors.

“Part of the likely impetus for the sheer scope of his escapades is that he still feels like that gangly, awkward bookish adolescent with the schoolyard taunt-ready surname in the first place. “

Bingo.

So those are the ones you really have to watch out for.
As many other ladies have said here, it’s not a question of whether we perceive those men as goodlooking or not.
It’s all about how they perceive themselves.

““The more financially independent women become, the more they prefer good-looking men. But they don’t just want their partners to be hotties; they want them to be masculine, physically fit, loving, educated, a few years older and making the big bucks. Oh, and they also have to really want to be a hubby and daddy”So… they want equals, and that’s just too much to ask?

I completely agree with you. The more I look around and see relationships fail, it is primarily because they picked the wrong person for them, because they selected a partner for the wrong reasons.

As much as I dislike the cheating males and I do not blame the women for the men cheating, I certainly will have no interst in being with such a male since I know the odds are that he will not be right for me.

At the end of the day, while we are not responsible for what a man does in terms of cheating(mostly), we ARE responsible for who we choose to be in a relationship with, so we need to be a bit more realistic and smarter about it.

@Lisa M. #4
Loved this post. Exactly – where is that article teling men to date unattractive women or women much older than they? 🙂 Sadly, the double standard is never going away and we just have to live with it as best we can.

Sorry Evan, its totally frustrating I know, but these women are not going to listen to reason are they.
They bring out the sme old rubbish to justify their desires:

ALL short men have a a Napoleon complex, so thats why I am justified in rejecting them.
Men on average incomes, are clearly lazy and have no ambition – reject.
Unattractive men (read average) are emotionally damaged from constant rejection – reject.
So if the observations above are correct, it stands to reason that higher status men, are not only more attractive, but have the added bonus of having a much better character !
The power of logic at work

Oh and I will brand all the scientific research conducted by geneticists and behavioural scientists as “pseudoscience”, because the results don’t mesh with what I want to believe. Not that I know ANYTHING about science.

I will of course ignore the reality that women are the only ones that have the power to decide whether a relationship starts or not, because we are the only ones that can say YES.
I will therefore claim that articles like this show the usual double standard, despite the fact that men have no power to choose ANY woman.

You are right. Most women want tall, handsome, high status men. And most of us won’t get him but the reason we keep bringing out the same old rubbish as you said is because of articles such as this one who tell us what we should want. So we feel we have justify our preference when we shouldn’tg have to. It’s none of anyone’s business if most women desire tall, handsome, high status men. I don’t hear anyone discouraging men from desiring beautiful coveted women and men clearly don’t feel the need justifytheir desire for them.

@Lisa M #72
It is very natural to desire these high status men, and you should not feel the need to justify this. I’m sure you will agree with the study that stated that women married to wealth men had better orgasms !

But beware – read the Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins. Your body is trying to pass on the best genes, but they do not care about you. Your happiness is irrelevant, having brought a child into the world, you are surplus to requirements. The “stud” is driven to pass his seed on to as many women as possible. He will cheat on you, because other women will continue to beg for his services.
Because he never has to try to attract women, he will probably treat them with contempt. People place no value on the things they do not “pay” for.

Then do the math. An attractive women, is what ? 1 in 20. A tall, handsome, intelligent, wealthy man is 1 in 100,000. And he probably has no sense of humour ! Yes, you can get the odds down by seeking out a target rich environment, but you have still got be what HE wants.

Now I am not tall. or handsome, so would be excluded from your checklist. However I am intelligent, fit, well off and do have a sense of humour (at least the audiences I perform to seem to thinks so).
I can date women in their early 20s (I know Evan’s not happy with that !)
Just think what THESE guys aspirations are like.

I wish people would give women more credit. Do you think we don’t know that tall, handsome high status men are more likely to cheat on us? But that’s the price some women are willing to pay if they want to be with sought after men. As men have to pay for pursuing coveted women, who are often deemed as high maintenance and there is a lot of competition for them, too. We have to decide if it’s worth it or not. In the case of Weiner and his Uma, she is probably willing to put up with his philandering for really good orgasms and the power his position reeled. By the way, I have always thought Weiner was sexy. I’m not advocating that women do this but it is our choice if we decide to. I’m sick and tired of articles such as this criticizing and judging the choices make in men. Just because a man isn’t tall, handsome and high status doesn’t mean he is guaranteed not to cheat. I just love how less desirable men love demonizing good-looking men. Jealous much?

Recently, George Clooney (even though he is kind of old for my taste he does still make me weak in the knees) broke up with hot model girlfriend who is almost twenty years his junior. From the way the break up is reported, she was to blame because she wanted marriage and he didn’t. It’s her fault because she got involved with a man who doesn’t want commit (I don’t think any woman should get involved with a man that doesn’t want marriage if she does). But what you don’t hear is that maybe the relationship didn’t work out because of the age difference (I know how men hate hearing that they shouldn’t date much younger women, I could care less). I just know if it was the other way around that it would be all anybody would be sighting as to why the relationship didn’t work out. He appears to be completely vindicated in this and it’s all on her.

So we are agreed women should not be criticised for chasing high status men, and men should not be criticised for ignoring all low fertility women over 35 – awesome.

However, Im not sure men do demonize high status men. Women are far more aware of their competition than men, who as you know tend not to take their looks into account when approaching hot women.

But highly attractive men are more likely to treat women badly, and I’ll tell you why. They have been trained to do so by other women.

Firstly by their mother. Children naturally push the boundaries of what they can get away with. Attractive children learn to use their looks and charm to get away with murder. (this also applies to girls). Teachers also show more leniency.

When it comes to dating at school, they discover that they are desired by most members of the opposite sex, and they test the boundaries again. How much can they abuse those infatuated with them, and still have them coming back for more. Childrens insecurities being what they are that turns out to be alot.
They learn how to fake empathy to get what they want
A few years of this and their personality is screwed for life.

Yes of course this also applies to women – the princess factor.
You want someone like this – be careful what you wish for !

“However, Im not sure men do demonize high status men. Women are far more aware of their competition than men, who as you know tend not to take their looks into account when approaching hot women.”

Men really need to stop being dishonest about not being in competition with other men for the attention of women. Men are just as competitive with one another which is why you are here “warning” us about the evils of good-looking high status men. You are so transparent. You are basically attempting to make women feel terrible (which is a really tired old tactic, by the way) about the men we truly desire because you can’t compete with those men to get the women you truly desire.

This has been my exp. The guys I have dated who are somewhat attractive, but were either fat, had a small to average penis size were the worst boyfriends ever. They were insecure, jealous and paranoid and seem to have a high level of disrespect for women, esp. if the woman is beautiful. I have never, dated a really attractive and successful man just yet so I can’t say, but people cheat for different reasons, so I can’t assume that because, someone cheats they are automatically a “bad” person with no high moral standard. If anything I would say stay away from highly and constantly insecure men—-they’re insecurities and jealousy just may drive them to cheat.

I did date a man for five or six years who is very attractive to women. He didn’t come across as an ego maniac, he is just “smooth” Ex girlfriends would stalk him, call the house, and friends of friends would openly flirt with him. I always felt proud to be the one on his arm. I don’t have any trouble finding men, I didn’t think he was out of my league, but when the relationship got to the point of, do or die, commit or move on, he would slip once in a while when things weren’t going his way that if I wouldn’t deal with whatever, someone else would. I realized that he mean’t that! He wouldn’t be lonely, he didn’t get mad when ex’s became neurotic, he liked it! His options were unlimited because women would bend their boundaries to “win” him over. Women do the same thing I am sure, but when you find a good looking guy who has the capacity to love, then your good to go. Find a good looking man who doesn’t and RUN

” It’s okay to trash good-looking men, while less attractive men are presented as ideal partners, which is complete B.S.”

No one is saying that – however, the fact that males have evolved to be promiscuous *given the opportunity*, pretty much identifies the most attractive males as a high-risk proposition(exacerbated by the fact that female choosiness renders them a prohibitively scarce resource, out of proportion with only a very select group of female peers).

“Where is the article that talks about how men should date/marry ugly women because they make better partners?”

And what would be the justification for such an article?

“I am so sick and tired of this old double standard.”

What you, and most people, seem to have trouble reconciling is that the concept of sexual dimorphism extends far beyond just physical and biological traits(ie. female status as ‘rate-limiting’ necessarily skews male:female prospects accordingly, destroying any notion of symmetry you might otherwise be supposing).

In other words – there ARE double standards in nature.

Deal with it.

“You are right. Most women want tall, handsome, high status men. And most of us won’t get him but the reason we keep bringing out the same old rubbish as you said is because of articles such as this one who tell us what we should want. So we feel we have justify our preference when we shouldn’tg have to.”

I don’t think women are criticized for their preferences, but rather for making risky choices, and then crying about the (more or less) likely outcome(it is interesting to note that males are less likely to do this, as they are more harshly reproached for contributing to their own unfavorable outcomes).

“I’m sick and tired of articles such as this criticizing and judging the choices make in men. Just because a man isn’t tall, handsome and high status doesn’t mean he is guaranteed not to cheat.”

No, it only makes him less likely to cheat, and more likely to make a long-term investment in any particular female.

But, since nothing is certain, you are posing a strawman, because outcomes are always a function of probability(which is *not* to say they are unpredictable).

It occurs, that women are not faulted for vocalizing their preferences and desires, but rather for their *faulty rationalizations* in appealing to probabilities nowhere indicated in likelihood(ie. a logical fallacy).

And it really is hard to respect someone as an adult, who can’t bring their head out of the clouds, and back down to reality(which, interestingly, seems less of a issue with non-western women).

“Men really need to stop being dishonest about not being in competition with other men for the attention of women. Men are just as competitive with one another which is why you are here “warning” us about the evils of good-looking high status men. You are so transparent. You are basically attempting to make women feel terrible (which is a really tired old tactic, by the way) about the men we truly desire because you can’t compete with those men to get the women you truly desire.”

But, perhaps you shouldn’t be so quit to blame the messenger, and instead, contemplate the true message which is being communicated to you(ie. not your ad-hominem pretext).

@ Annelli

“If anything I would say stay away from highly and constantly insecure men—-they’re insecurities and jealousy just may drive them to cheat.”

If their insecurities have a basis in female rejection(and I’m betting they do), then this is an indication that they are *less* likely to cheat(ie owing to diminished opportunity), rather than the reverse.

“No, it only makes him less likely to cheat, and more likely to make a long-term investment in any particular female.”
But why, when the actual ability for the most unattractive SO in the country to cheat is only restricted by his access to, perhaps 80 or so dollars and his level of personal aversion to legal risk?

I am willing to take the risk then! What these articles advocate is that women go for men they are not sexuallyattracted to. Imagine such suggestion made to men! Wht is the point of romantic relationship if the sex is a chore?

I will take the higher risk physically attractive men that turn me on for the possibilities of orgasms thank you! You win some you loose some I guess.

And to answer paragons question..what would be the justification for an article advocating men Mary or date uglier wOmen? Same as here – they’ll have less opportunities cheat! Or did you think women were never guilty of cheating? more opportunities for a female also increases the risk significantly. I am not just speculating either…I’m looking at my own relative where the betteR looking popular wife’s cheated constantly. Yet men would never be asked to lower their standard I
In thatdepartment because Dow dare you?

I agree with this. My boyfriend is a lot more attrative than me & he has cheated once that I know of, but tried to many more times. All the time they were younger & beautiful (as he said himself) & I am only 27. He is 25 though. I have always hated myself & now I have no confidence left at all because of him.

In response to some of the posts here that assert men never are asked to lower their standards on physical attractiveness, I don’t think anything could be further from the truth. It’s highly stipulated that men are very visual and physical attractiveness is often our highest priority. This is backed by the common male refrain of I don’t care what she does for a living or how much she makes as long as she’s cool and sexy. It is further backed by the fact that men are socialized (at least in the Western world) to regard themselves as winners if they snag a beautiful mate.

If our highest priority is how a woman looks it would also stand to reason that it would be the area of which we are most picky. Therefore, if we want to settle into a relationship at some point, we may very well have to compromise a bit on how hot our woman is in our eyes. This is exacerbated by female choosiness which makes a male’s objective attractiveness irrelevant in a lot of cases, i.e., “I went out with a nice looking guy last night but I didn’t feel butterflies so I don’t think I’ll see him again.”

I work with a guy who I and a lot of others think is an objectively great-looking guy. He’s also very smart and successful. I’ve seen pictures of his wife who is decidely average in looks (not just my opinion). He’s also told me in sum and substance over a few drinks that he likes to go after the average looking girls because that’s what he knows he can get. “Give me a girl with stretch marks and C-section scars anyday.”

Now I’m not saying we severely compromise but the male propensity for sexual variety instills a “she’s pretty hot but she’s even hotter attitude.” I suspect this is very true for women as well.

In my early twenties I’ve dated 3 exceptionally handsome men and out of the 3, one was very gorgeous and very unfaithful. I married an average (by society’s standards) looking man. We’ve been married for 17 yrs now and I couldn’t have asked for a better life partner.

I am a very well rounded 33 year old male. I fall in the top one percent when considering height (6’5″), physical fitness (205 lbs solid muscle, run almost every day, work a very physically demanding construction job as a self-employed stonemason), intelligence (IQ-150, very creative with multiple fields of interest), penis size (8.5″ length), and attractiveness, rarely do I encounter women who do not seem interested in my appearance, some have told me I am the most attractive man they have ever seen and that I could have any woman I desire. I am a very skilled musician (singer/songwriter/guitarist), visual artist (capable of reproducing anything, whether painting, drawing, or working in three dimensions), and conversationalist. I read several books a year, mostly non-fiction, and have no reservations when it comes to public speaking or leading others. I am also great with people of all ages, especially children. What you likely wouldn’t guess, in light of my previous statements, is that I am in fact very humble and empathetic. I listed my attributes to prove a point. I live by a strict moral code and believe in complete honesty with myself and others. I would never cheat. I have been cheated on by women who chose men far less desirable than me for the affair. I believe adulterers to be flawed in character. People of quality take others feelings into account, selfish people do not. If any women would like advice on how to find a quality man, I would suggest looking for someone humble. The so called “nice guy” is likely to be confident and considerate, but not cocky. All too often cockiness in males is mistaken for confidence. The truly confident lack the insecurities that would drive someone to seek power, validation, status, or copious amounts of money and material wealth. You really can’t judge someone based on looks alone and men like me actually are out there, although we are likely few in numbers and have an equally difficult time finding a suitable companion.

I prefer cute over handsome, and I don’t really go for guys who are drop dead gorgeous because they usually have an arrogant personality that goes along with it.
I couldn’t care less about height, but I’m only 5’3″, so for taller women it may be an issue.
I only want a guy that I find attractive, and for the life of me, I couldn’t pin point what makes a man physically attractive to me, but I know it when I see it. I guess it’s a combination of physical features (esp the face) a reasonably fit body (fit, toned arms usually do it for me), voice, voice tone, the way a guy moves, and a certain look behind the eyes that conveys loving kindness. Again, reading a man’s facial expressions, I couldn’t tell you what facial expression screams “arrogant” and which facial expression scream “kindness”, but I know it when I see it. (It’s more likely the totality of his facial expressions, body language, voice tone and the way he carries himself either comes off as arrogant or not)
I have been wildly attracted to rather average looking men, and been left cold as ice by men considered classicly handsome.

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