Teaching the Unteachable

Torn between our urge to shield our children from evil and our obligation to tell them the truth about the Holocaust.

My son has been badgering his father and me to see "Defiance," a film about a group of Jews who escaped death during the Holocaust by living deep in the woods. James Bond star Daniel Craig plays the lead role of Tuvia Bielski, who, with his brothers, protects about 1,000 Jewish refugees.

No doubt my son is interested in seeing "Defiance" because he imagines an exciting James Bond vs. the Nazis flick. And on a purely superficial level, "Defiance" does fit that bill.

But even an 11-year-old will not be able to escape the other realities portrayed in the film: the anti-Semitism of the Russians who are also fighting the Germans, how families became separated during the war and then learned second-hand about a wife, a parent or a child who was murdered. And even though "Defiance" is far from the most graphic of Holocaust movies -- could any film be as wrenching as "Sophie''s Choice"? -- that an old farmer would sooner sentence hundreds of Jews to death rather than take the rap for a missing container of milk is a lesson in human nature that even an 11-year-old won't be able to miss.

I was close to my son's age when I first learned about the Holocaust in depth. I can still picture the slides my Hebrew school teacher projected onto the pull-down screen that hung in front of the blackboard. Many were of emaciated Jews crowded into barracks, some were of Jews being transported to concentration camps in windowless railroad cars, and there were always a couple of photographs of Jews forced to walk in the gutters of Europe with yellow stars clinging to a worn coat. Those grainy snapshots were painful to look at, but they were not the ones that haunted me. It was the photographs of rooms piled high with eyeglasses from Jewish faces, human hair shaved from Jewish heads, and shoes worn on Jewish feet, many tiny, that did me in.

What's the "right" age is to teach a child that 6 million of your extended family were murdered in the most barbaric of ways?

Somehow, when I wasn't looking, I moved up the generational ladder. Now my children are on that rung where they will learn about the Holocaust. I'm not sure what the "right" age is to teach a child that 6 million of your extended family were murdered in the most barbaric of ways, but at 11 and 14, my children seem old enough -- if there is such a thing.

Of course my son knows the basic definition of the Holocaust. But there is no way, at age 11, he can truly contemplate the undertaking required to kidnap 6 million people from their lives, and assassinate them one by one. Thankfully, he is too young to imagine the number of people who had to remain silent for a catastrophe of this magnitude to occur.

Not much is left of my 14 year old daughter's Holocaust innocence. Lessons taught in religious school, reading "The Diary of Anne Frank," and generic middle school history lessons took care of that. Whatever innocence my daughter has left is short-lived because her ninth-grade English class just started reading "Night" by Elie Wiesel, the Pulitzer Prize-winning first-person account of life inside a concentration camp. One reader aptly described Wiesel's graphic account of events as "the longest short book I have ever read."

By page 22, my daughter had already learned a lot. Maybe too much.

"Mom, did you know the Nazis made Jews dig trenches and then shot them and pushed them into the trenches they had just dug?" "Can you believe that soldiers would throw infants in the air and use them for target practice?" And her final question, "Why are we allowed to read this book without a parent's permission, but we were required to get a permission slip for other books?

Why? Because the permission slip, for the sake of full disclosure, would have to say something like this: "Your child has been assigned to read the book 'Night' by Elie Weisel. We would like your permission to forever change the way your child looks at the world, to shatter her innocence about the depths of evil, to singe images into her brain she will never be able to erase. Be advised that if your child currently believes that humanity is basically decent, this book will instantly cure her of that illusion. Be further advised that if your child believes that God or you *or* your spouse will always protect her from evil, this book will teach her otherwise. And if your child is currently under the impression that another Holocaust is impossible, she will start to question that belief when she learns that the Jews of Europe thought it was impossible too. Sign here ______."

The reason that there is no permission slip for the book "Night" is because, if there were, no parent would sign it. Yet, none of us call the school and object because we know that Elie Wiesel's explanation of why we have to burden our children with the details of the Holocaust is right: "to prevent the enemy from enjoying one last victory by allowing his crimes to be erased from human memory."

Soon I will see "Defiance" for the second time-this time with my son. On screen, he will witness Jews fighting Nazis. He will be oblivious to the battle raging off-screen: the battle between our urge to shield our children from evil and our obligation to tell them the truth.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 23

(22)
Rachav,
March 23, 2009 11:08 AM

God was with the Jews especially during the Holocaust!

I will definitely be going to see this movie. I just watched the preview on the a cinema website, it does not open in Australia until 30th April. We cannot sugar coat everything, life is real and life is hard, the Jewish children who suffered in the Holocaust were not protected from the horrors. But hopefully non Jews can learn the horrors of just how inhumane mankind can become. When I was a child I was taken to see photos of the Holocaust shortly after the war, by an aunt. Those terrible images stayed with me like a sword in the heart for the rest of my life. Maybe that is why I am now an observant Noahide.

(21)
Anonymous,
March 23, 2009 2:31 AM

Almost overwhelming. The world MUST learn about the Holocaust which must NEVER happen again.

(20)
Joe,
March 19, 2009 12:01 PM

In response to Judy

I have not seen this particular movie, but I would assume that whatever things in it you might find objectionalble are not there in a large enough amount to overcome the use of the movie as a teaching tool.
This is a movie about the Holocaust. Get real. Sanitizing portrayals only remove the point of bringing it up at all.
The real world has violence and profanity - and dare I say it, genitals.
Which is more profane, Nazi's killing people or a "romantic angle?"

(19)
Judy,
March 18, 2009 1:57 PM

Rated R

Why are you taking an 11 year old to see a rated R movie?
It has profanity, violence and a romantic angle. How about an article about whether young children should see rated R films?

(18)
Rose,
March 18, 2009 4:39 AM

How to prevent another Holocaust?

As an Armenian living outside my homeland because of the Armenian genocide,I ask myself did my forefathers sin against God for them to have been punished so badly? Then I think that the Turks,judging by their actions, were not any better.
All I know that God is the God of all and just like Job was put in his place when he questioned God,I am sure we,the not so perfect human beings too will not win against God.
This does not mean that we should accept our faith and do nothing about it. Although present day atrocities (genocides in Africa and other parts of the world)tell us that men are barbaric by nature, we still should live with the hope for a better future by keeping the memory of those who suffered and are still suffering alive.

(17)
howard yagerman,
March 17, 2009 4:06 PM

where was God

The question has been raised so many times... Where was God in the camps and how could he let it happen.
I think that question is a cop-out.It was an absence of God in the men who perpetrated the horror.God remained in the people who did what they could to survive and to help others to survive and to ease the pain and suffering of those who needed that help.
We are quick to blame God for all of the ills of this world but we need to look closer at ourselves and our conduct.Self-will is an awesome responsibility and we cannot take the facile route of blaming God when things go wrong.

(16)
Anny Matar,
March 17, 2009 12:01 PM

If you don't tell them no one will and it'll become a history lesson

I am a holocaust survivor, our number dinishes every year but if not WE who were there, or you, will tell them of those who have survived this horror, who will?? It is up to you and your generation to tell the young to appreciate life and to know about their past which, to my regret, is present again now!!! Look at our tennis players having to play without audience because HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF!!! They better be warned!!!
Anny Matar
Israel

(15)
Tamara,
March 17, 2009 11:10 AM

Reality

Has anyone seen the news the last few months of mobs protesting the Gaza war? It looks pretty ugly & scary to me. If a kid is seeing that, then he can be filled in a bit about Jewish history,of which the Holocaust is a part. Evil exists and a parent wouldn't be doing his job if he doesn't teach that to his kids.

(14)
Elissa Grunwald,
March 17, 2009 7:52 AM

Our obligation to our children. Protect by educating.

In a world where there are Holocaust survivors, and Holocaust deniers the story needs to be told. Questions about grandma and grandpa and why they behave the way they do. We need to know our History, the history of all people. How people can be so evil and barbaric and pressure others into "believing that murder of children is for the betterment of the world". To deny the reality that continues to affect and effect the reasons why we the Jewish people have been persecuted and why we continue to survive. Read these books with your pre-teen. It will help them to develop empathy, but know the personality of your child and help them to be strong. We shelter them and develop their self-esteem and we must introduce them to a terribly sad period of time so that they will not be ignorant, learn and realize the need to survive and the cruel realities of discrimination, antisemitism, and Racism. The meaninglessness of human life and the crimes against innocent beautiful life are part of History and they repeat. We can not erase them, we must remember, learn and understand the reality that yes, Hate exists, people who hate to extremes exist and we must learn about our past and look positively to the future. Paperclips is a good documentary to start. If we do not teach our experience which can be personal and more meaningful what will they remember there will be "nothing to forget?" Never forget!

(13)
Jacoma Corporale,
March 16, 2009 3:22 PM

Never Too Young....

Everyone should learn about the Holocaust, if a child can read, then he/she can learn how evil invaded the Jews during that era. Sure, it is very scary to a child to learn that another race could be so diabolical, these are facts of history, & that they did happen to their families & they or the world cannot forget it.

(12)
Batsheva,
March 16, 2009 7:25 AM

Permission Slips

Permission slips -- What an original way to capture the caveats that should be in place before exposing children to the horrors of the Holocaust. Thank you for your thoughtful treatment of this sensitive issue.

rgy,
September 18, 2013 10:41 AM

totally!

the author's suggested permission slip for reading "night" was so to the point

(11)
Raquel,
March 16, 2009 6:30 AM

The "feel good" factor of "Defiance"

I agree, it is very hard to tackle the issue of the Holocaust and strike a balance that "not eveyone IS evil".
My 7 year old son wanted to know about the Holocaust because he had heard in Newsround, a UK news programme for kids, that it was Holocaust Memorial Day. I explained as gently as possible, and, told about the children in France who were saved by some farmers, and that, yes, the Germans wanted to wipe out all the Jews off the planet but many were saved by their friends,or escaped and lived to tell their stories.
To my 9 year old daughter I gave the book
Hannah's Suitcase, and slowly and gently I introduced the subject. There is much more to the Holocaust, but that is for when they are more mature.
Defiance shows us fighting and helping each other and it is something that films about the Holocaust have never done before. A feel good film that every young teenager should watch an comment on.

(10)
Keren,
March 15, 2009 6:15 PM

remembering and creating new memories

As a parent and a teacher, I can relate to this situation...as much as we plan and prepare, our young ones still seem to surprise us with the milestones in their lives: the first smile, first step, first fever or fall, losing baby teeth, etc...even asking about the holocaust. Though they catch us "off guard", the most important thing is that we are there for them to guide them. I venture to speculate that when our children are adults, they will long remember not so much the details of how they were taught, but rather the fact that their loving parents taught them. They will learn the "Never Again!!" message in this way. The shoah was so terrible, that even the slightest reference conjures up a multitude of terrible emotions. I was very young when I learned from our survivor auntie who spent summers with us. She spared us the terrible details, but taught us in subtle ways, while cooking or doing chores. I remember how strong, positive, and uplifting she was. I later learned how horrible life had been from her. I focused on how such a woman could still have hope after that. I can not look at a potato peel to this day and not think about the horrible "soup" she ate. I have taught these lessons to my children, hoping that they will remember. The author's son will recall the memory of his father taking him to see the holocaust movie more than the details of the movie script.

(9)
Anonymous,
March 15, 2009 3:49 PM

Boundaries

I strongly disagree with those who say that all children should be exposed to learning about the holocaust, no matter how young. There *Is* such a thing as "too young" to learn about this subject and if children are confronted with this reality before they are mature enough it can scar them for life.
Yes, we must teach our children about this terrible period in history but not before adolescence. Our children deserve a childhood and if Hashem did not see fit to ruin their childhood innocence then neither should we...

(8)
Nancy Nelson,
March 15, 2009 1:35 PM

At what age?

I am a Christian, and yet, my grandsons have been learning of the Holocaust history since they were old enough to comprehend nasty mean and evil.
Yes, the inclination is to protect our children and grandchildren from these things. The sad truth of this world is that without knowledge of it, they cannot be prepared.
I wanted them to know that the children who lived or died in these horrible times were not allowed the option of choosing to hide from reality. There was no "right age".
And I have stressed the importance of knowing that whatever evil the world is capable of, the sky drops rain on the just and unjust alike, and it is only one's faith in God that will matter in the end.
Since they found out their paternal grandfather, whom they have never known, was a survivor of Auschwitz, as young teens, they are now trying to understand who he was, and what it took for his survival.
I also want them to know that the Holocaust is not ancient history, but the same horrors are being lived by millions of others, in varying stages, even now, under oppressive regimes.
To deny that the Holocaust happened, or to turn a blind eye to what is happening now, is to condone it or be a part of that evil.

(7)
Anonymous,
March 15, 2009 12:23 PM

Truth to our children,

The parents should be the FIRST ONES to tell the truth about the Holocaust & mass murder of 6,000,000 precious,innocent Jews.They should be told the TRUTH by their folks,because ones own Mother or Abba knows just HOW & WHEN, TO TELL IT, so that the child will not be devastated,but will see that Jewish people are hated & hurt,for no reason other than meaness,jealousy & or simply-HATRED. They should be taught that the Jews have done NOTHING WRONG,by which they were hated & 6,000,000 Jews were MUDRERED in the Holocaust. It is just that they worship the TRUE G-D, & THIS IS THE REASON they are SO HATED,TOO! People HATE G-D,so they take out on the Jews (& some others,too!)---ALL that they would LIKE to do TO HASHEM. Jews are the ones with which the enemies see,to take it out on,here on earth.

(6)
Dale,
March 15, 2009 12:00 PM

Teaching the Truth

My daughter played the lead role in "I'll never see another Butterfly" in a public High School a few years ago. It brought the whole community to tears. People never accept reality until it is brought home. We will soon make Aliyah. Am Yisrael Chai.

(5)
ruth housman,
March 15, 2009 10:37 AM

the loss of innocence

We are all having to think about this issue, and in much smaller ways, this has been a subject on Aish.com, how much to shield and how much to inform or let our children explore, on their own. There is always the danger from the nightmares this brings. We love our children and so want to bring them into a beautiful world. Would that we could!
But denial is the opposite of teaching our children and they must know, in order to make sure something like this never happens again, anywhere in this world.
It's a profound lesson and the cost of teaching about the Holocaust is increasing humanity and love, and at the same time, a terrible loss of innocence.
The Goal must be, Never AGAIN.

(4)
Anonymous,
March 15, 2009 8:57 AM

Let them learn about it, even from films

I was born in 1942 and never knew my father who died in Auschwitz. I began to learn about the Holocaust around the age of 7 and knew all about it by the time I was 13. It is never too early to begin to learn about those things. Anne Frank''s Dairy and the TV series Holocaust opened many an eye in the world. Schindler''s List and La Vita e Bella even more. Defiance is a beautiful movie. Kids can handle it.

(3)
Concerned Mom,
March 15, 2009 8:21 AM

Further Proof of the need for a Jewish school!

My kids are young - my oldest is 7 - and they know nothing of the Holocaust yet. But when they learn, I want them to learn about this event in a supportive, Jewish-centered way, in their Orthodox Jewish day school - not (begging the author's pardon) through a Hollywood blockbuster or by a reading assignment in a non-Jewish school.
The other day my 7 year-old son came home and asked me if I knew why olive oil was used in the Monorah in the ancient Temple in Jerusalem. "Because" he proudly told me "Jews are like olive oil - we don't mix with other things, and olive oil is a pure kind of oil!" I'd trust the teachers who taught him this to inform him about the slaughter of 6 million fellow Jews in a way that strengthens - not harms - his view of G-d and the Jewish people.
Others reading this article might like to consider the environment they want their children to learn in, too, and choose Jewish day school.

(2)
Shifra Slater,
March 15, 2009 7:56 AM

Comment 1 very important.

This first comment is extremely important.

(1)
,
March 15, 2009 7:21 AM

What about God?!

It is important to teach a child that God was always with us - even in the darkest days of the Holocaust. One can tell a child that we try to avoid suffering and grow in other ways that are easier like learning Torah and doing mitzvos, however, suffering accepted with faith can be a tremendous source of increased faith and merit. Indeed Rav Tauber writes that suffering which was accepted properly can bring a person even closer to Hashem than Torah and mitzvos. You try and avoid suffering but if Hashem puts you in the situation it is a big opportunity. It is also important to teach a child that there have been wicked people like Pharoh who punished people more than he should have - and just as Paroh was punished for this so will other wicked people who did more than they should have. One must also teach a child that all suffering that Jews have endured Hashem has turned to good. For example it is written that when a Jew was hit by a non-Jew all of the non-Jews merits went to the Jew and all of the Jew''s sins went to the non-Jew. Like Rabbi Yaakov Hillel says God only does good - although sometimes the good has been hidden. Since we accepted the Torah, God''s loving personal guidance has never left us for even the blink of an eye.

I've been striving to get more into spirituality. But it seems that every time I make some progress, I find myself slipping right back to where I started. I'm getting discouraged and feel like a failure. Can you help?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Spiritual slumps are a natural part of spiritual growth. There is a cycle that people go through when at times they feel closer to God and at times more distant. In the words of the Kabbalists, it is "two steps forward and one step back." So although you feel you are slipping, know that this is a natural process. The main thing is to look at your overall progress (over months or years) and be able to see how far you've come!

This is actually God's ingenious way of motivating us further. The sages compare this to teaching a baby how to walk. When the parent is holding on, the baby shrieks with delight and is under the illusion that he knows how to walk. Yet suddenly, when the parent lets go, the child panics, wobbles and may even fall.

At such times when we feel spiritually "down," that is often because God is letting go, giving us the great gift of independence. In some ways, these are the times when we can actually grow the most. For if we can move ourselves just a little bit forward, we truly acquire a level of sanctity that is ours forever.

Here is a practical tool to help pull you out of the doldrums. The Sefer HaChinuch speaks about a great principle in spiritual growth: "The external awakens the internal." This means that although we may not experience immediate feelings of closeness to God, eventually, by continuing to conduct ourselves in such a manner, this physical behavior will have an impact on our spiritual selves and will help us succeed. (A similar idea is discussed by psychologists who say: "Smile and you will feel happy.")

That is the power of Torah commandments. Even if we may not feel like giving charity or praying at this particular moment, by having a "mitzvah" obligation to do so, we are in a framework to become inspired. At that point we can infuse that act of charity or prayer with all the meaning and lift it can provide. But if we'd wait until being inspired, we might be waiting a very long time.

May the Almighty bless you with the clarity to see your progress, and may you do so with joy.

In 1940, a boatload 1,600 Jewish immigrants fleeing Hitler's ovens was denied entry into the port of Haifa; the British deported them to the island of Mauritius. At the time, the British had acceded to Arab demands and restricted Jewish immigration into Palestine. The urgent plight of European Jewry generated an "illegal" immigration movement, but the British were vigilant in denying entry. Some ships, such as the Struma, sunk and their hundreds of passengers killed.

If you seize too much, you are left with nothing. If you take less, you may retain it (Rosh Hashanah 4b).

Sometimes our appetites are insatiable; more accurately, we act as though they were insatiable. The Midrash states that a person may never be satisfied. "If he has one hundred, he wants two hundred. If he gets two hundred, he wants four hundred" (Koheles Rabbah 1:34). How often have we seen people whose insatiable desire for material wealth resulted in their losing everything, much like the gambler whose constant urge to win results in total loss.

People's bodies are finite, and their actual needs are limited. The endless pursuit for more wealth than they can use is nothing more than an elusive belief that they can live forever (Psalms 49:10).

The one part of us which is indeed infinite is our neshamah (soul), which, being of Divine origin, can crave and achieve infinity and eternity, and such craving is characteristic of spiritual growth.

How strange that we tend to give the body much more than it can possibly handle, and the neshamah so much less than it needs!