Victor Farinelli: Best Ink Season II (Episode 6)

By Victor Farinelli
Let me start by reminding y’all that the views expressed in these here ramblings are my own and do not represent the views of TAM. With that out of the way, I wanted to touch on some action going on at the TAM Facebook page. There have been some posts that have criticized TAM for allowing me to even acknowledge that Best Ink, and other tattoo shows, even exist…

One: See the first sentence. Two: Face it folks; ever since MTV’s The Real World (maybe even The Dating Game), TV has become one “reality” show after another. COPS, Survivor, Idol, Top Chef; the list goes on and on. Tattoo shows are no different. I don’t think they are going to go away anytime soon, either. Look at how many seasons American Chopper has been on. Those goofballs still get huge ratings. True “outlaw bikers” probably hate that show, just like many passionate tattoo artists hate tattoo shows…

Tattoo shows are the elephant in the room. No one wants to mention them because that might be giving credence to them. I personally think this show is a contrived piece of shit. It is not a competition; it is a ratings machine. The producers have more say on who stays and who goes than the judges do.

So if I think it is hokey, why do I write about it? Well, why not? I don’t take this shit seriously. It is not like I am breaking the Watergate scandal open, and I am going to get a Pulitzer Prize in Investigative Reporting. The shit is funny. Yes, artists and serious collectors have passion for the history and art of tattooing. I do, too. But there is always a cornball side of things. If we spend a shitload of time taking the cornballs too seriously, we are going to end up like some poor emo kid who dies of autoerotic asphyxiation while listening to As I Lay Dying. What? Too soon?

Lighten up folks. These posts are for entertainment. Nothing more. You don’t have to read it. You don’t even have to acknowledge the post on Facebook. To tell you the truth, a couple of the cats who ragged on me on Facebook need to look at their own portfolio before spending time on Facebook. Seriously, there is a book called Drawing From the Right Side of The Brain that might help you out. Better yet, stop tattooing. You are doing more harm to the craft than a TV show is. Real Talk.

Ahhh, I just feel like I took a shit. Nap time! But first, let me hit this and quit it. This week’s episode opened with our heroes in an airplane graveyard – where planes go to die. They each had to paint a pin-up on the nose of an old jet for the flash challenge. Derek’s looked like a blow up sex doll. He said something about him thinking of his mother when he was drawing it. Dude, if you think of your mom as a sex toy, you need some serious help.

(Derek’s blow-up doll of his mom)

D.J. thought that Jared and Teresa were going to be on top, but they actually picked him instead of Teresa. I thought D.J.’s was better than Jared’s. However, Hannah, the guest judge, picked Jared. Jared won a paycheck of $3,500 in “flash cash” and an extra hour to tattoo in the “ink challenge.” Cha-ching!

(D.J.’s nose art)

(Jared’s nose art)

For the ink challenge, each contestant was required to tattoo a pin-up. Not just any pin-up. No no no. That would be too easy. They had to do cholesterol monster Joe Capobianco’s “signature style” pin-up known as Blood Puddin’. Blood Puddin’? Wow. Just wow. I don’t know what’s goofier: that Capobianco has a signature style or that it’s named Blood Puddin’. I am “Puddin’” the gun to my head now. There will be blood. Joe “I’m in the skinhead retirement program” Capobianco gave each contestant a hard time for not having each of their drawings to his specifications. The only tattoo that wasn’t decent was Derek’s. The rest of them were okay tattoos.

D.J., Teresa and Brittany were the top three this week. D.J.’s had more of a Coop-devil vibe to it than blood soup – I mean sausage – I mean pancakes. Brittany’s tattoo, with its traditional look, stood out from the other two, but I think Teresa’s pirate girl was better. Brittany came out on top and has immunity from next week’s elimination challenge.

(Teresa’s tattoo)

(D.J.’s tattoo)

(Brittany’s tattoo)

The three then retired to the back to pick the bottom three. It is getting down to the wire and they only had four to choose from. They all agreed that Derek should be on the bottom right off the bat. His was atrocious. He actually told his client that this will be the best tattoo of her life. Derek, you need to stop tattooing, you kooky bastard. Jared and Tylor joined him on the podiums. Jared’s looked unfinished. Tylor did a good tattoo and should have been safe. But, Joe gave him shit for the tattoo not being evil enough and not using color. The girl had a dark complexion. I think Tylor made a wise decision not going with color.

(Derek’s crap-in-a-half)

(Jared’s tattoo)

(Tylor’s tattoo. I love the hair!)

Tylor has never been in the bottom. Derek and Jared have both been in the bottom more than once. Derek’s was definitely the worst. It was a shit sandwich on moldy bread. But they gave Tylor the boot. The dude who has the best tattoo out of the three goes home. So let me go back to what I said earlier about the producers: either they have the say-so on who goes home, or Joe doesn’t like it when someone disobeys his commandments: Thou shalt do what me and my hair say at all times. GET IN MY BELLY!