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Thursday, October 22, 2009

Well, my kids are feeling better today. I think the medicine is really working because they're getting back to themselves faster than Savannah who didn't have any medicine. The problem is that they're tired of being cooped up and sick and it's all rainy here today. Despite the fact that I've been going to the library every day to get them a new supply of movies, Clay and Jackson are out of control, jumping around, fighting and generally bugging everyone else. I'm about at the end of my rope with them.

Meanwhile, I had to call my mom and ask her to take Joe to the ER after I spoke with his doctor. Joe overdosed on the Tylenol with codeine and has been in a drugged sleep ever since his surgery on Friday. I didn't realize he had gone through all 3 bottles of pain killers at first because he waited until I was in the shower, then drove, all hopped up on narcotics, to the drug store to get more. When he got home, he filled the empty bottle with water to cover up the fact that he'd just been drinking the medicine from the bottle like it was water. Like a true recovering alcoholic, he blamed me for the cover-up and said he had to do it so I wouldn't get mad.

So I told his surgeon how much medicine he'd taken, but that he was out of it now, yet still, he was sleeping all day and night and the rare times he awoke, he slurred, cried a little, then went back to sleep. I was worried that he was depressed and might try to commit suicide again and I, quite frankly, am sick and tired of dealing with this kind of thing especially since I have 6 sick kids at home right now.

Anyway, my mom was nice enough to take him to the ER where they rehydrated him (he'd stopped eating and drinking) and tested his liver function. The numbers were elevated so he'll be staying there overnight to be monitored to make sure the number doesn't rise anymore.

That's it in a nutshell. Prayers for Joe would be good because I ran out of sympathy for him after he yelled at me for being so mean to him. Yeah, stocking up on yogurt, ice cream, popsicles, and pudding is mean. Sitting at the hospital for 6 hours while he was in surgery is mean. Offering to make him soup and tea every day is mean. Trying to get him out of the house so he doesn't get sick is mean. Staying up all night with the kids so he could sleep is mean. Making sure someone could take him to the hospital so he could get help is mean.

I don't know how to close comments on a post so I'm just going to ignore them because I know I'll get negative feedback for writing this. I'll have people who say I'm stupid for staying with him for so long. I'll have people say I'm a horrible wife and shouldn't be talking bad about him. But unless you've lived with a person who struggles with addictions, you don't know what it's like. Unless you've lived with a person who lies to you constantly, you don't know what it's like. And I'm just exhausted.

Oh wow Dawn,I'm so sorry....I didn't know that about Joe. But I started to read your blog (and book) a few months ago so I'm not sure if you ever posted about this before. I'm glad your kids are feeling better. You sound like a wonderful person too me!

I'm sorry Dawn. There's a quote that goes something like, "I know God never will give us more than we can handle, sometimes I wish he didn't trust me so much." You are a strong woman and everything will pass. I will say prayers for your entire family. Take care of you and the kids. You're doing a wonderful job! Hang in there.

I understand you're not looking for comments, but I just want you to know you're not crazy, you're not horrible, you're not mean. I'm so sorry for your struggles. You are truly in a horrible position. I pray for peace and strength for you.

Dawn...I totally understand...in that same place right now, and my grown children from my previous marriage don't understand. I've grown alot, and as that pendulum once again swings on the down swing, I pray for strenght to make the right decisions. I have learned that it's NOT my fault and he CAN'T blame me. Love and hugs to you.......

Dawn, my heart and prayers are with you. I have not been to your Blog in awhile...So I need to go and catch up. No judgement here sister! We do the best we can. No one knows your life like you. So if they feel judgemental...I am politely telling them to please click away. (Go away) I was just going to tell you I started a new blog. www.jennhumor.blogspot.com. I just feel like as women, we need to laugh with eachother, be a shoulder for each other. Be a sisterhood of love and laughter through life to eachother. I am thinking about you. =)

Ignore all the negative comments. I can't say I never judge people but I try not too because I know what it's like to be unfairly judged. No one has the right to critique other people's situations. My favorite quote is, "Unless you've lived my life, Don't judge me, Because you don't know, never have, and never will know every little detail about me."

Keep up the good work. I give you props for staying semi-sane while dealing with 5 sick kids.

(hugs) First off... you are not horrible. Secondly, you're not stupid. Thirdly, who cares what anyone else has to say. You're dealing with a lot of your plate right now and more than anything you need love and support, not anyone picking on you, or badgering you, etc. So, take a deep breath, relax and focus on your kiddos while Joe sorts himself out at the hospital. Whatever happens when he gets home is your thing alone. I know there isn't anything I could say that would comfort you for everything else going on..especially concerning him, but know that we're here for you sweetie. You don't have to be alone... whether or not you feel that way...

Dear Dawn: You poor little thing. I too know what it's like to live with a person who struggles with addiction. That person is me. Mine is from pain medication for a hysterectomy that became an addiction when I realized it helped relieve symptoms caused by my anxiety disorder.

Fortunately for me, 32 years ago, God sent me my husband. Twenty years into our marriage, he was hit in the face with the horrible character flaws that go with addiction (ie: personality changes, mood swings, placing blame where it doesn't belong, etc., etc.)

Three and one half years ago, after a particularly ugly incident, I made an appointment with my family doctor and I have been a recovering addict since.

I have to tell you, it's no picnic. I still have days that are lousy, but now I know how to cope with them ... I don't expect my husband or children to make things better. (Funnily enough,my children - along with my husband - are my strongest supporters. I was so ashamed, for so many years, of what my children would think of me. What a waste ... what a shame. I missed too many years of their lives. But I am confident that we will have many, many years of positive experiences ahead.)

I will pray for you, Joe, and your children that some day soon the penny will drop for Joe ... so that your family can experience only the 'normal' daily stresses life offers us daily.

Please believe in yourself that you will come to the best decision for yourself, Joe and your children. You have been a positive force to many, many people. I pray that you will receive positive responses back.

I'm not going to say mean things. But I *will* say that it sounds like you could use some more support. I haven't been reading your blog long enough to know enough of the back story, but from this post it sounds like Joe has a history of alcoholism and suicidality and maybe depression. And hopefully he can get help for that. But it sounds like you already know that there's only so much you can do to help there. But just because you can't "fix" it doesn't mean it's not going to be a major stressor in your life (... obviously). There's support for alcoholics and people who are depressed and people who are suicidal ... but there is also help for the people who live with them. Have you ever attended AlAnon, or a similar support group? Or found a therapist for yourself who can help support you when you need it?

You may not read this since you said you were going to ignore comments but I just wanted to say I'm sorry you're going thru all this. I had no idea you struggled with so much. You're usually so happy and perky no one would ever know. Well, now that I do...I'll be praying for you and your family. Praying that you get thru it and come out the other side stronger than ever.

Oh Dawn--the things you put up with and not go crazy are so admirable. The last thing you need right now is another child in the house. You are a wonderful, generous, patient compassionate human being and we all love you. Do NOT feel any guilt for something you didn't even do wrong.

Just praying Dawn. Have no idea what you're dealing with on a personal level. God give you strength, mercy, and lots of endurance. God give Joe healing, and an awareness of what he has to lose. God heal those kiddos as well. Blessings Dawn. Hang in there!

Right there with ya, Dawn! Only you and Christ know why you're still there (and, frankly you may not REALLY know the full reason for many, many years!) Hang in there; he (dh) needs you. He, on the other hand, may NEVER figure it out! ;)

Yes, ignore the negative and drink in the positive. Everyone has a different path, so no one knows what your walk is like except you. (((HUGS))) Everyone needs an outlet too, so vent. It's YOUR blog :)

I have been blessed with a (mostly) good husband. But I have a recovering alcoholic FIL and a MIL who battles major depression. They both lived with us at one time or another so I can say I've had a small, second-hand taste of what you're experiencing and it's no fun. You'll be in my prayers.

Ok I don't know how if you will read this before you ignore but I hope you will. I don't judge. I was in a mentally and physically abusive relationship for years. All I can say to you is my prayers are with you all. And we all need to vent. You are not a bad wife or mother. I commend you for handling everything that you do and usually with a smile.

I am glad your little ones are feeling better. I hope you and Joe are doing better soon. I DO know what it's like to live with an addict, you have GOT to be a very patient person to not only try on your relationship but raise 6 kids on top of that. Ignore the negative, it's your choice, everyone who would look to criticize you can shove off.

I'm not going to say anything ugly at all. IMHO, you are a saint for dealing with 6 kids at all! You are entitled to your opinion, and it's your blog, so you can write about what you want. Prayers of strength & healing for your whole family. {hugs}

Dear Dawn,I don't think you're terrible at all. My husband was a compulsive liar and also tried to commit suicide once, about 10 years ago, when he got himself so deep into one of his lies that he couldn't get out. He's better now, but the pain, for me, stays. I can't ever trust him, not now, not ever. I spend my whole life waiting for the other shoe to drop. That shitty feeling never goes away, no matter how long it's been since the last lie. I know how you feel, I think. (((((HUGS)))))

Dawn - you certainly have a lot to deal with. I hope things improve soon for you and the rest of your family.I'm sorry that you have to worry about negative feedback. Anyone that would make negative comments to you at a time like this really need to take a good look in the mirror.Kristen

Girl, I hope to hell you lied like a rug and ARE reading comments because I've got something to say to you: YOU'VE GOT MOXIE!!! TRUE, HONEST-TO-GOODNESS-GOD-GIVEN MOXIE!!! You have GOT to know that there are countless women out there reading your blog and sleeping just a bit better tonight know that they are NOT alone in this struggle we call life and what a precious gift that you gave them through your raw honesty and transparency. You could have covered it up with your patented and amazing brand of humor but you allowed us all to see the human side of things and take pause, even for a moment, and breathe a sigh of compassion into the collective messiness of life. Tonight: I honor you, I respect you, I love you, I say a prayer for you, and I hold you in my mommy-heart as you do a DAMN FINE JOB raising 6 kids and a husband, like so many of us do!!!!Cheers, Dawn, You DESERVE IT!!!xoxoxoxoxxo~

i just wanted to tell you that i have been following you since the great pokemon ebay ad... I cant pretend to know what you deal with on a daily basis but i DO know that i think you are hilirious.

Im sorry you are dealing with all of this. Im not a praying girl, but you and your family are in my thoughts! Im wishing for you healthy kids (and well behaved ;-)) and strength for you and your husband to over come the struggles.

I know you said you weren't going to read your comments, but I thought I'd write this anyway. I will keep your whole family in my prayers and hope everything works out for the best - whatever that may be.I have lived with someone who struggled with addiction as well. In the time we were together she lied countless times, stole approximately $5,000 from me, and tried to kill herself at least three times. I eventually left because she admitted that she had no intention of getting better.I hope things work out better for you. Your readers are here for moral support.God bless.

Hey Dawn. I am a new reader but love your blog. WOW does it sound like you have your hands full. Hang in there. I don't know a court in the land that would convict you. Book a massage NOW for when everyone else recovers. Forget it. Book a vacation to Bora Bora. Alone....

i am glad you were able to monitor the comments. my dad is an alcoholic and i'm 34...its never been easy for my mom and she's right - unless you live it you dont understand. i guess she takes the good with the bad. prayers and strength to you. no matter how rosy someones life looks there is always a dark side. stay strong.

I rarely post comments on your blog, but am always reading. I just wanted to offer you huge hugs for all you are going through. We only have 4 kids, but when we all get sick it's incredibly stressful, so I can't imagine adding two more kids plus a husband with his own problems to the mix. If you want me to order you some take-out that will be delivered just say the word. I know the last thing I want to do when everyone is sick is cook. Huge, huge, huge hugs to you!

I understand the pain of loving someone you can't depend on or trust. I share the frustration of being the stable parent. I'll pray for you both and feel a little less sorry for myself tonight. I hope you get a chance to rest soon.

Hey Dawn. No negative comments from me. I grew up with an alcoholic father. I'm sure you've heard this before, but it's definitely NOT your fault that the addiction is there. No matter how mean you are :) In fact, I think it's fabulous that you are such a great mom and hanging in there for your kids. Take care and blessings to you and your family.

Actually, I think you are doing an AWESOME job- and I really appreciate your honesty!!!! I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I honestly feel like I know you from following your blog since the ebay auction. I checked in to make sure you hadn't come down with the flu, as well. Seriously- you are doing great- so much better than I ever could.

I don't know if you are accepting comments at all, but I'm writing this anyways.

I know what you're going through. My fiance and I are currently living with his mom while we save up for a place of our own. His mom has a problem with Codeine. She gets a bottle of like 50 or 100 (not sure which) a month for her headaches and takes them all within a week. She is the most rude, annoying, selfish, unbearable person to be with for about a week. I absolutely hate it. She slurs, can't walk, gets really mean, etc. My boyfriend usually flushes them down the toilet when they start to effect her because she doesn't NEED them...she just thinks she does. She says/does stuff when she's all drugged up that she doesn't even remember doing when she's back to her normal self!

I know you said you are ignoring your commments, so you probably won't get this but anyway...I have read your blog since almost the beginning and I had NO idea about the things you have been going through. I am so, so, so, sorry. I will send a prayer up for Joe that he feels better but I will send a bigger one up for you. Negative feedback be damned. Honey this is your life and you live it as you see fit. Stay, leave, break down...whatever...but don't give a flip about what others say. God bless!

Sounds like you need a "Spa" day! You've had enough stress the last week for 7 of us. Will put you in my prayers, as well as the kids and Joe, and hopefully all will be well again soon. Hang in there girl! We love you, and to heck with those with negative comments, let them live a day in your shoes.Take care

Dawn - I lived many years with an alcoholic, and it scarred me. That alcoholic was my dad. I saw and heard things growing up that no child should even know about. I wouldn't drink a drop of alcohol today if someone offered me a million dollars.

You have to do what you have to do for the safety and welfare of you and your children. When I was 14, my dad got into AA following a terrible incident at our home. I never saw him drunk again. Less than 2 years later he died of a rare disease. Those two years were the best years ever.

No matter what you do, you have to take care of yourself, and be strong and brave for your children. You have the right to be tired. And anyone who has been in your situation will be empathetic, not judgmental.

I am a long time reader though I have never commented. I just want to tell you I am praying for all of you. I come from a family with various addiction/dependency issues and my heart really goes out to you. Hang in there, Dawn.

Prayers for Joe are being lifted up, but prayers for you as well- and the kids. I do know what it is to be exhausted, and for that you have my compassion. RIght now I am just asking that you feel the amazing, merciful arms of our loving savior wrap around you and give you all the strength you need to make it through. Life in an imperfect world is not easy, and it is ok to be overwhelmed and throw up your arms and tell God to lift you up and carry you. He will never push you away. I feel your exhaustion, I feel your frustration, I even feel your pain. I wish there was some way I could lift it from you. I can't. I know you know that Jesus can. Keep trusting in Him, and know that tomorrow is a new day. You know, I am in the NW suburbs, and none of my kids are sick yet- if you need a place to hide, just email me. I could be your reinforcement for awhile! As a fellow FHS grad, it's the least I could do- plus Margaret could vouch for me- I'm not a complete lunatic! :)

Wow. I think that its absolutely ridiculous that anyone could give negative feedback, ESPECIALLY if they have not been in that sort of a situation. All I have to say is that you're definitely stronger than me! I have barely made it 4 years with this kind of a man and I'm calling it quits. It definitely takes a special kind of wife to put up with such nonsense. Prayers for you and yours!

I'm praying for all of you. And you are an amazing wife & mother. I honestly don't know how you stay sane. I have a one-year-old and a husband going on 13 and I am frustrated all the time. I would never say you were a bad wife. I have lived in the shadow of drug and alcohol addiction before so I know how it is to go through that with someone you love.

I hold nothing against you for the words you have written here. I respect your honesty and openness with such a difficult topic. I am praying for your family and for healing. Healing is possible, its just painful and comes one day, one hour, one moment at a time. I can tell you love your husband. I only ask that you love him and do your best not to enable him. I can tell that you are not trying to enable him, so keep up the good work. One day he will thank you, just like I thank the people who loved me through my darkest hours.

I know you may or may not read this, but I thought I would try anyways.

I'm so sorry for you. I know how hard it is to find the right path when dealing with addictions within the family. It can be frustration and heartbreak for all. Just hang in and do the best you can for the kids. Keep your sense of humor alive, it helps.

Dawn: Not one negative thing to say to you! I understand completely - my youngest is down with the flu right now, and I'm doing my best to make sure no one else gets it, especially my daughter who is in the school play in a couple of weeks and needs to be well. And this is on top of managing a "3-4 week" remodel that's now finishing it's 3rd MONTH and trying to reclaim a house so out of control, I won't let anyone who doesn't live here (besides my contractor) inside the front door. To top it all off, my husband did something so incredibly stupid at work that it's ultimately resulting in him losing his job. He wants sympathy and support, and I just don't have it in me to go there.

Take care of you, so you can take care of your family. When and if anything is left over, then you can worry about him!

Dawn, You are a STRONG woman. I've always thought you were amazing and now I think you are even more amazing. To have had to go through this silently for so long- and keep humoring us. I'll pray for you and your family. I hope you get better quickly. What a scary situation.

Maybe you won't read your comments this time...but in case you do: you are amazing and you need to write like this when you are exhausted. No one should judge you for any of this, not unless they are willing to put their whole life out there for all to read. Glass houses, and all that.

People don't wake up in the morning and decide to be a**holes to their family; demons and addictions do that. Not an excuse, but better than a sharp stick in the eye. You know this, and a whole lot more, I'm sure.

Prayers for you, and anyone who says differently can just go...[fill in blank with preferred obscenity/curse].

Let me just say Kudos to you for being strong enough to not knock the living crap out of him! I've lived with my father doing that all my life and understand at least part of what you're going through. My sympathy is limited for addicts. I'm glad you guys are feeling better!

Dawn, I hope you actually do read this comment. I am so sorry that your week has had all that has had in it. I'm sure you are exhausted and I can't imagine how exhausting. I am praying for you tonight. Praying for your immune system to remain strong, for your children to heal, and for your husband to realize all that he has in you! I know you are not perfect either; none of us are. But you are right. It's hard to be with someone with addiction in their life (whether presently or recovering) and it's hard to be unappreciated. Just remember how unappreciated Jesus was - and still is. You are not alone! Not to mention all of us out here in blogosphere - you are a blessing to us (at least to me!) I appreciate you. I appreciate your candor, your humor, your sharing your lives so openly, and just the mom-to-mom that you provide through your blog. Please try to get some rest and let God give you peace right now. (It's OK to cry, too! It helps me.)

I know what it's like. I've lived with someone for 8 years that had an addiction and who lied constantly, and blamed me for everything, and I'm just recently free from him, and starting my healing. I have 3 kids, and it's a hard road. I am passing no judgment to you, only prayers. God will see you through this, whatever the outcome. I love reading your blog, you truly are an inspiration.

Oh hon, I'm so sorry you have to go through this right now. I know EXACTLY how you feel because I've had to deal with the very same things with my hub, the lying, the addiction, lying about the addiction etc etc etc ad nauseum.

You sound exhausted and at the end of your rope. Maybe your mom would be nice enough to take the kids off your hands for a day so you can sleep...my heart goes out to you, it really does. Hang in there lady and ignore the ignoramuses that would dare to critize. Hugs and hope things lighten up for you soon.

Dawn!! Prayers for Joe. Prayers, strength, and humor for you... stuck in the house with 6 sick kids. I can't imagine. I feel like a caged tiger, when I'm stuck in the house with 2 sick kids for a week. When all the kids are well, can you say Girls Night Out???!!!

Hi Dawn,Well done for keeping it real. No negative comment from me, I do know how you feel right now and can tick all the boxes after each of your last comments, plus I also have six kids. I just want you to know that, hard as it is right now, you will come through this and be a stronger person after it but you will need extra help and support as you cant cope with everything on your own. Take care of yourself, your kids love you and your faith will see you through this.

HI Dawn,I'm assuming I'm not really the first person to comment, as it's been 6 hrs. since your post- must be that you haven't approved the other posts yet. Anyway, I'm stepping out to tell you how amazingly proud I am of you for being so courageous in sharing this with your audience. It shows us that you are a complex,unselfish, intelligent(it takes intelligence to be funny!)woman with many burdens and responsibilities, and yet you have found time and creativity in your life over the past few years to give us things to laugh about. Keep up your incredible mothering skills, and your great sense of humor. And I don't question for one second why you have "stayed"; marriage is complicated, and you both have alot to fight for, including six little cities ;)!Love and hugs from the North Shore(where the swine flu may be arriving, at our house, anyway)

There are many people in my family who struggle with addiction. (My young cousin is doing rehab right now for lots of nasty things... my grandfather is pickled from all the alcohol he drinks, and my uncle is heading the same way.)

Oh Dawn, I don't know how you do it, to be able to take care of 5 sick kids and a husband who has an addiction problem, you are one powerful woman. I'm totally in awe of you and I hope that your kids and husband will recover soon.

As they say in Star Wars, may the force be with you.

Many virtual hugs and kisses from a complete stranger, because I think you are just incredible.

I know you said your just ignoring the comments, but I'm gonna leave one anyway and if you never read it then its no different, so here goes....

I had no idea. I really didn't. I always read your blog and think "wow, what an amazing, got it all together type family". Hang in there, your not crazy for staying, you have your reasons, and every family works differently. Stay strong, you'll get some good times coming soon. xo

to close comments, you can select the post options link at the bottom of the "new post" page. You can select close comments from there. My thoughts are with you- no judgments, just hoping every one gets to feeling better soon.

Dawn, I am so glad the kids are starting to feel better. Wishing Savannah a speedier recovery.

I understand what you mean about living with someone with an addiction, or not really not knowing what it's like. By far, no one should tell you how to handle your life. You aren't mean, you love him so you want what's best, and unfortunately a lot of people can't understand that. I struggled for a very long time with an alcoholic and a drug addict before I finally couldn't take it anymore because of my kids. I truly understand. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

I'm just going to say I admire your strength in dealing with that situation because I'd probably have thrown his stuff on the street and told him to go to a hotel until he's sober again. Major props to you!

You may not read this but I just want you to know that I am praying for you, your kids, and your husband. Take care of those babies, take care of yourself, and know that there are plenty of people out there who understand what you are going through. You're in my prayers.

No negative feedback from me! Just some heartfelt sympathy that you can't just worry about one thing at a time, that it all has to go to hell in a handbasket at once for you... sick kids and a recovering (and then not-so-reocovering husband) at the same time? You're a better woman than me!Personally, I think you're a strong woman who has achieved amazing things in her life (6 of them in particular!) and I wish you good luck, your children's quick recovery, that your husband will find his way back to a good place and that life will get back to what's your version of a "good normal."

Dawn - I've been reading your blog for years now (isn't that nice of me? :) and I've always loved your humor and insight and faith in parenting. I am not an addict, but my brother is, my best friend is, and I could go on. I have a lot of close relationships with addicts, and had a serious relationship with one once. As you know, the only person you can change or control is yourself and if you needed to write about your life (of which he is a major part), I say it's okay. I'm sure you may have heard of them already - but there are some wonderful ACOA books that also deal with relationships with addicts. I think (from your blog and book at least) that you seem like a great mom, AND wife, and life, just like addiction is one day at a time. Hang in there. <3

No Dawn, I'm not going to say anything bad to you. Prayers will be coming your way indeed. I kind of know what situation you are in. I'm glad the kids are feeling better, but sorry that you are just plain worn out. /hugs

You're an awesome Mom and wife!! Screw the people who leave you a bad comment, they don't have to read your blog for crying out loud!! It just sounds to me like you are way burned out , it happens to all of us!! I hope your kids are all well and back to school asap!! As for your hubby , he's lucky you haven't already smothered him in his sleep. LOL Hang in there girl!!

Dawn, I am sorry you are having a hard time right now. I am sending warm prayers your way. I don't judge you in how you handle your family. It is your family and if people don't like what you are saying they don't have to read it. I have dealt with some of the same issues with family members that you are going through with your husband. Keep your head up and keep trucking through this, It too will pass. God Bless

Dawn: I would have to say that anyone who would post anything but well-wishes and prayers to you and your family are extremely judgmental and should keep anything that isn't positive to themselves. That being said, I wish your kids continued speedy recoveries, as well as Joe. I also hope you continue to maintain your sanity throughout all of this. You must be up for sainthood! My husband had the same surgery Joe did last August and was in misery for 2 weeks. It was like living with a zombie for that time, I somewhat know what that aspect of all this is like. I however, only have 1 child and not 6, so I can only imagine what it's like for you. Again, best wishes. You sure are a tough woman.

I have been a recovering drug addict since I was 16. We are mean, nothing is our fault, and we hurt those closest to us. It is a disease, that sadly is passed to those we love. We dont care what is going on around us, we must be the center of attention, With that being said, I am glad you are no longer enabling him. He needs help, and can not have any narcotics for pain. I took a tylenol 3 for the first time in 12 years last week, I also made sure my husband held the bottle and hid it... Prayers with you, lean on the Lord

Chin up Dawn! You aren't responsible for your husband's actions. You and I chatted on FB months ago, I told you about a situation with my own husband and myself, and you made me feel better by a few simple words. I hope I can do the same for you now.

The bottom line is this - you are not responsible for Joe's actions. You can not control him, you can NOT stop him if it's what he wants to do. You are a woman first, then a mother, then a husband. Maybe some will feel I've got that out of order, but it's like what they say on an airplane in case of emergency - YOU MUST TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST BEFORE YOU CAN HELP OTHERS.

I know that this is wishful thinking, because there is always someone wanting to judge others for what they feel is wrong, but I hope that you don't get any negative comments. Unless someone has walked in your shoes, they don't know the whole story but only what you've chosen to share. To be critical in that situation shows a true lack of decency, and it makes me wonder what miseries they are covering in their own life, by trying to make you feel worse. You have your reasons for the choices you've made, and again, unless someone has lived your life, they can't truly know what led to your decisions.

As for the swine flu, good luck. My stepdaughter had it this summer while visiting us, and once we got her on tamiflu, it was a huge improvement. By about day 3, she was done being isolated, but we made her wait the whole 7 days before she could take off her mask. The rest of us avoided the flu, thank GOD!

Dawn,In the off chance that you DO decide to read your comments I wanted to leave one! I want to send you a GIANT cyber ((HUG)) first of all! I also wanted to say you are an amazing, encouraging, strong and inspirational person. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all of this. I will make no judgements because I have marital issues myself and understand the complex feelings involved. It can be so confusing and draining to deal with and know what you should do. My heart goes out to you Dawn. I had no idea you struggled with such big things. I think it was very brave to open up and share. Reach out to your friends and family who will be there for you no matter what. I know you have many, many people reading this blog who will be encouraged to know that they aren't the only ones who struggle with deep things. That is one of the things that draws me to your blog over and over again, your honesty and openness. So many blogs are so sugar coated and unreal to me. Yours is real AND encouraging! Please know that I care and I will be praying for you to find peace and strength!

You can disable comments when you write the post, near the bottom it will give you a choice on the lower left about allowing comments etc. I am doing this from memory so I might not be 100% accurate but I hope it helps. And good luck with things :)

WOW!!! I have to tell you I was so surprised by the honesty in your post. I had the impression that there were some issues in your marriage, but had no idea that they were in the serious area of addiction & depression. So sorry that you have to deal with this on top of everything else.

Some people may be negative or matter-of-fact with their opinions, but if people haven't actually dealt with or lived with these kinda of issues they have no idea that it is not as easy as just leaving or kicking out the troubled party. So don't let any negative comments get you down. You have to do what is right for you & your family & that is the only thing that matters.

Also remember that you make your own choices & so does Joe, you can't force anyone to do anything they don't want to or are not ready to do. So don't stress yourself out more trying to right the wrongs.

I am married to an alcoholic. All through our time dating I had no idea.

At this point, I'm so tired of the many, many times he has quit and then started up again. I want to have faith in him, since he is the father of my child, but sometimes when I think about our situation I feel like it's completely hopeless. I can't trust him, and I have a hard time continuing to love him.

I understand completely. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this episode. :(

Nothing but support and good wishes from here. I'm sure it must have been difficult to write this, but I'm glad you did. It is a very humanizing post. So much of what we read about your life makes it look like you balance six kids, a husband and a job and make it all look so easy. It's a good reminder that we all have our struggles and challenges, and that we all need to support each other. Hang in there, and I hope everyone -- everyone -- feels better soon.

Good morning, Dawn. As a faithful reader of your blog over the years, I have enjoyed in sharing your ups and downs. It takes a lot of courage to post anything about your personal life, but especially this last one. I will be praying for you, and hoping that others can see your courage instead of passing judgement. Even though I have never met you, I completely adore you and pray for the strength that God has given you to get through the trials.

Oh Dawn, I so know how you're feeling. My husband is easily addicted to things too, and 10 years ago his addiction to pornography led to sexual addiction, which led to some things just shy of committing adultery. He was constantly lying to me too. Finally I had had enough and we were nearly separated, but all I could think about was that I didn't want to be a divorced mom to three young kids. Through counseling and his desire to change we are still together and our marriage is strong ten years later. I know you are not posting these comments, but I hope you do read this and that some day your husband will have the desire to change, if not for your marriage and your kids, then for his own salvation. Until then, stay strong and try to see him as Jesus sees him - a child of God. He loves both of you and wants both of you to return to Him. God bless you and your family.

Dawn- I know what addiction does to a family. I understand what you are going thru & it's awful! :( Sometimes you need to shout it out loud that things &/or people suck, you hate dealing with it and oh yeah, it sucks trying to deal with it all. Sometimes just telling people you are struggling helps lift some of the heavy thoughts from your mind, like sharing a a huge secret that has been weighing you down. Focus on your kids right now, they need you the most. Hang in there, I hope things get better soon! :)

Dawn, I'm so sorry to hear of all you are going through at this time. Although I am not married to a man who has any of those problems, it is in my extended family. When the person is off the alcohol, or drugs, or whatever, they are so charming and talented and wonderful. Alcohol and drugs changes all of that; it is very sad. I had an uncle who was so wonderful sober, and so sad drunk. My prayers are with Joe, and with YOU! You are strong, and you will make it through all of this.

Dawn... You're doing amazing (I think)Hope all your kiddos, including Joe get fully better and things start to return to normal for you. oh, and dont you get sick either, that would just top it all off wouldnt it.

Dawn - I've read your blog since the beginning, but I've never felt as compelled to respond as I was with this post. When I read this last night, I was wrapping up my first day as a single mother. My divorce hearing was Wednesday. I had been married for 15 years to an alcoholic. He's made so many promises over the years I've lost track. My "aha" moment occurred in marriage counseling this spring(after years of therapy). The counselor said, "You aren't doing you or your children any favors by staying with him. You think you are, but the time and energy you are putting into protecting them from his behavior takes away from the kind of mother you're supposed to be." With that I asked him to move out. My boys (ages 12, 11 and 6) are doing great and the cloud of uncertainty and anger that was in our house is now gone and peace abounds. My prayers are with you and your children, and with Joe. It's a scary place to be.

Eliphaz from Teman, Bildad from Shuah, and Zophar from Naamah were three of Job's friends, and they heard about his troubles.

So they agreed to visit Job and comfort him. When they came near enough to see Job, they could hardly recognize him. And in their great sorrow, they tore their clothes, then sprinkled dust on their heads and cried bitterly.

For seven days and nights, they sat silently on the ground beside him, because they realized what terrible pain he was in.

Dawn, I know your not accepting comments on this post but I sure hope you read this and others that are positive. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers and I'm sure you will find your way through this difficult situation that you are in right now with the flu and your husband. I want you to know that I appreciate your honesty. It shows me that we all have our trials and that we have to keep on trying. I know that there are those that might give you negative comments but its too bad they can't encourage you and help you not criticize. You are doing the best you can with what you have and you did what I would have done. Its not the easy thing that you did but it was the right thing. God bless you!!! Hang in there. Melisa - Utah

Oh Dawn...I'm so sorry that you're going through this with Joe on top of everything else! My best friend's husband has had the same issues over the past couple of years. He got addicted to pain killers after a couple of surgeries & insists that he's still in pain - to the point that when she had to have surgery, he stole her pain medication (which she really needed) & nearly killed himself with the combo of meds he took (he was on 2 different anti-depressants) that happened 8 months ago & he still denies that he has a problem. She has Lupus & has pain meds in the house all the time - now she has to keep all the meds locked in a safe. Her family is telling her that she is stupid to stay with him too. Her philosophy (within reason) is "you don't end it, you mend it." They are working on their problems. You aren't aren't horrible wife & you aren't stupid. You are dealing with things in the right way for YOU! And I don't blame you for being exhausted! Please remember to take care of yourself!

If your life is anything like mine was you had better find a good word church and get as close to God as possible its tuff I know my wife was on everthing and had mental problem I did everything I knew to do we had to girls I mostly raised but she took her life it was the hardest thing I've ever been through.

Dawn you are all in our prayers vent all you want honey. I certainly will not think worse of you. Sounds like you need a hug so consider yourself hugged!!! Keep us updated and we will keep praying. So glad your kiddos are feeling better.

My prayers are for you Dawn. As a mom we have to always put the "Brave" face and fix up everyone else. Sometimes we get tired, we get worn out, and we flat out get to the point where enough is enough. We always just do and always make things right that people sometimes take us for granted. We don't need a gold star for being a mom/wife because we signed up for it. However a little appreciation goes a long way…I appreciate your honesty; everything isn’t perfect all of the time and you have real feelings that a lot of us sometimes feel.

I am not sure if you will read this comment or not, but after reading your last post I felt like I needed to write something. While I will certainly pray that Joe gets feeling better, my prayers are for you that you will be able to find some peace and contentment. While I certainly can't relate with your situation exactly I do know the feelings that I assume you are having right now. I just wish there was something amazing that I could say to you that would help brighten your day, the way your posts ALWAYS brighten my day. You are an amazing writer and while I have not had a chance to read your book yet, I love love love reading your blog. I hope things start looking up for you and your family. Just always remember that you are an amazing person and fantastic mom that has helped so many people with your writing. I certainly hope that Joe is not able to make you feel badly about yourself because that would be a terrible thing. Hopefully my ramblings make you feel a tiny bit better, but I just wanted to give it a shot. Like I said you have helped me a lot, without even knowing it.

I never comment...but had to say - I think you are doing a great job and you are completely right in being hurt and upset and you can't enable someone who has an addiction problem. Hang in there Dawn. This too shall pass.

Oh Dawn I hope you at least glance at this post. While I don't profess to understand your position exactly I do know what it's like to live with someone with an addiction having grown up in an Alcoholic household. So my kudo's to you for doing your very best, and my (((Hugs))) to you to be able to put this day behind you and go on with your life in the very best way you know how.

Hang in there Dawn. I know what you are going through as my husband is a recovering addict and we've been through this with prescription drugs a few times in the past 9 years. They are a truly different person during the relapse, and even though we "see what is happening at first" we don't want to believe it. Mine has been clean for just over a year and we both attend meetings multiple times a week so that I can understand. But I'm nervous because he's having surgery next Wednesday and I just don't know how things will turn out again.