Disclaimer: All characters portrayed in this story are the property
of Naoko Takeuchi and co.
C & C welcomed.
Warhorse
By
Donny Cheng [chengdo@home.com]
I raised the knife up and looked at it. I could see my
reflection on its clear flat side. It was sharp enough. I hesitated
though and lowered it again to the sharpening stone.
Why did I stop? I had made a decision and I was going to go
through with it. Had any other man done the same, I would have
laughed in his face. If it had been one of my men, I would have
banished him from my command. I raised the knife up again and looked
at the flat side of the blade once more. This time, I did not see my
own image. I saw ponytails. Two long blond ponytails.
* * * * *
I dropped to the ground and knelt before the girl... no, woman
despite her appearance. I looked up when I felt her hands touch my
shoulders. An intimate touch. "So, you accept?" I asked.
"No."
"I see," I said stiffly and got up off my knees, feeling like a
fool. I towered over her, yet felt small as a mouse when she looked
at me; her calm demeanor never wavering. I imagined how I must have
looked to her. A tall, brute of a man, whose experiences were shown
clearly on his battle scared, worn face. She could have been my
daughter I thought irrelevantly as those eyes continued to bore into
me.
"I need people to protect and to keep the peace. I have no
need for generals."
Instead of sounding like a dismissal, it seemed plain to me
that she was asking me for help. Or maybe it was just what I wanted
to hear. "I'm an old warhorse. I've killed maybe a hundred men
before you were out of your diapers...."
She stopped me with a simple smile, knowing what I was leading
towards. "Habits can be broken. No one will sacrifice their lives
under me."
"And if people are killed...." This time the smile that
stopped me was a sad one. She looked down for a moment before
looking up at me... and I understood. She had meant what she said.
I think she would give up everything before even one life, even one
that was not worthy of it, died.
* * * * *
I woke up sweating in my bed. My wife lay beside me, still
softly sleeping. I looked at her fondly, if not passionately. She
constantly amazed me with how much patience a human could possess.
Then again, she was the head maid of Serenity's quarters. Even a
patience that was granted by the gods would be tested by _her_.
Guilt wallowed up within me as I looked down at my wife's
sleeping face. She was much too young for me. She was also my
complete opposite. I don't know how in the hell we'd manage to get
married. As it always did, whenever I tried to think of a reason, it
came back to Serenity.
The one thing I did share with my wife was an absolute devotion
to the petite young woman that turned out to be not as perfect I had
had first thought. Even now, I would not have been faulted if Mei-
chan knew that I had been dreaming of our shared love again. I knew
she did the same and was probably dreaming about the queen now. It
was a common joke between us that the reason we married each other
was so that we could get information from the other about the queen's
daily activities from our respective jobs. I wondered at times how
much that was true.
An anger quickly arose within me as it always did when I woke
up from one of those dreams. Those blasted fools. Every one of them
had been touched by Serenity's light when she set the world free.
However, many of them shed away from that light. However much I
wanted to believe that all these people were bad, I knew that a good
portion of them were good, hard working, decent folk.
After a moment I felt my fist, which I had unconsciously
clenched, relax. I knew the reason for the anger was related to the
fact that some members of my previous command were part of the group
that shunned the light. The thought of them on the other side,
sickened me. Sickened me not because they were evil, as I knew they
were not, but because I could have been one of them.
I didn't know what it was that set me apart from my former
friends. We ate the same foods, worked at the same job, had the same
interests... even the same fears. Whether it was fear in the
unexplainable, mistrust in any form of governing body, or even
disbelief that a stranger would want to help you for no reason, a
decade ago, I would probably have agreed with them. A decade ago,
however, I would not have felt that light. It had been the first
time in my life that I knew that even if I were to die, someone would
weep for me. Someone I didn't even know. Someone I had to find and
would pledge my life to, as I knew they had done for mine.
I learned a lesson when I saw my former friends leave in
droves. When I looked into it, I saw my own faults as clear as day
compared to the soul so pure it could melt the ice around me. The
Light that freed us was not something everyone could embrace. Not
even good, hard working, decent folk.
* * * * *
"Really, General... you don't have to worry about it," the
greasy man smiled. His smile was equally slick.
"I am honor bound just as the others that participate here are.
I will have the money here for you before it is owed." Then _I_
smiled. The squirrelly faced operator flinched back accordingly.
Only two people could look at my smile at not flinch away. One was
my wife. The other was Serenity.
The operator's kind always angered me. Not all the people that
turned away from Serenity were bad and not all that stayed were good.
Why leave, most thought? They were safe here, and as long as they
kept their noses relatively clean, there was still profit to be made.
Why these would stay while my men would... I don't even bother. It
was not worth it as I had other more important matters to attend to.
While money was not really needed in Crystal Tokyo, it did not
mean that it was not useful in other parts of the world. And
although everyone was touched by The Light and were freed, it was
clear that human vices remained. As did mine.
Thus, betting parlors like these were able to operate outside
the city limits, outside prying eyes. Some human souls craved it and
whatever it craved, there was always enough people with loose morals
around to offer it, provided they got something in return. It was my
one of my many weaknesses I could not get rid of. Whether it was
drinking or smoking or... gambling, I could not stop it even if my
queen asked me. And because of it, I would be forced to do what she
hated the most. My face was a hardened one, and emotions did not
show on it. If it did, I would have thought that it would have been
cracking.
* * * * *
Ignoring the two ponytails that seemed to dance in the light of
the blade against the flickering flames, I did it.
* * * * *
I notice her as she walked down the hall. I immediately kneel
as her procession passed. The Senshi around her give me mixed looks.
Many of them did not like me, knowing about my past. I did not blame
them, if there was another man like me around the queen, I would not
have liked him either. This time she did not walk past me as she had
done recently because of urgent matters with the Black Moon. I am
shocked when I see the bright white dress pool on the floor. She is
kneeling.
I turn my head up to look at her. Tears stream down her face
as she gently took my left stump of an arm in both of her hands. No
words come out.
"Accident with some Youma that invaded the border of the city,"
I lie. She could easily heal the injury with her powers and she knew
that I knew this. When I didn't ask her, I think she could guess
what had been on my mind.
She remained silent as she took her right hand and traced an
old scar on my face. "Oh?" she asked finally. I could sense
multiple messages in that one word question. She knew about my
activities in my free time. My heart nearly broke then as I realized
this. But I do not see scorn in her face.
The scar on my face seemed to burn as does my left arm, where
she touched me. I am not worthy of this. She was the first woman to
ever touch me this fondly, before even my wife. It had been another
reason that I held her above any other woman or man in my life.
"Found some lowlife scum also while I was out. He's in prison."
My debts would have been paid if I had killed that man. The
operators of the parlor were always especially nasty to people that
borrowed money and then used Crystal Tokyo as an asylum. But before
I could even think of killing him and bringing the head to them,
thoughts of tears from a woman held me back.
"You shouldn't stay out so late," she said after accepting my
answer with a sigh of relief. I think she was more relieved for my
soul than she was for her own conscience. I couldn't have loved her
more then.
"That won't be a problem anymore." And it was true for a
change. My hand would be a constant reminder to me of what I would
have lost. My appetite for gambling could have not been cured
better.
When she made a move to get up I feel her fall into me,
reminding me that she is not infallible and giving me doubt. Maybe I
thought all of this up; she was not omniscient. I am wrong though
when I feel her hands wrap around me and give me a quick hug. She
didn't trip.
The End. (maybe)
--
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