Saturday, December 29, 2012

I would love to share any sort of tips I have for dating (says the single girl...) and here's a tip for wanting to avoid bad breathe during the first kiss. Then after that goes down you can be bold like me and just offer it whenever. No shame.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

So..for this blog I have a few main topics that are worth sharing [I think] and one of them is dating. And it's honestly so rediculous..srsly. But at the same time pretty entertaining. Like I don't know what I would do if I ever got a boyfriend - how else would I entertain Cassie and Stacey when we have some down time at work?? Ha. But here it goes. I'll share my recent trip to Provo.

Ugh where oh where to begin - 3 months ago. I started planning this cruise, right? And in the process I met TONS of guys (along with guys I met becaue of TMB). But out of all these guys and out of all the "if you're ever in Vegas/SoCal/CentralCal/NorthCal/Utah/etc. let me know" and out of all of the "Why do you live in Oregon" .. there was one guy that stood out. While some guys tried to change the topic from the cruise to more about me only NewDave was successful.

I call him NewDave because I have so many Daves in my life..DaveMac, D.Young..but I really should call him OldDave because he's like..old..in age. But whatevs.

So I met NewDave on a Friday night. And he told me that he could only go on the cruise after he saw my yellow pants (my profile picture at the time). So the next morning we continued our conversation and he had like 20 minutes before going out to lunch to meet a friend and so I thought "Okay..I can Skype with this dude right now, and if it's weird, there's an excuse to end the conversation..this is totally legit!" (I always like to have an escape route...) And so we started Skyping and it was no big deal at all. And the yellow pants actually never came up haha and our conversation went longer than 20 minutes. He was actually late to meet his friend for lunch and didn't even shower. It's funny, I gave him my number at this point so he can text me later and first when he did I pretended like I gave him the wrong number (which was relevant to our first conversation so it made sense) and then I asked him how his date was...he replied asking how I knew it was a date and well...I'm just smart. And then I told him I was up in points because not only was he late (she was at the place waiting for him while we were still Skyping) but he also didn't shower beforehand either. Ha. #winning But later that night I was on a date with a dude..Mr. Fireman..and I may have been texting NewDave periodically during that so he earned a few points for that I guess.

So for the first week of knowing each other we spent many hours talking on the phone and Skyping. Our first phone conversation was after my date with Mr. Fireman .. we talked for like what, two or three hours. I think it was until like 5 that morning and the majority of the conversation was about my marriage/divorce. It was nice to get that conversation out of the way, that's for sure and at this point is when I decided that from now on when I meet someone, I don't want to know about their past. Let me know who you are now and who you want/going to be .. then after a few weeks of that learn about their past. This new approach has been good to me so far. But it's still in the research phase of things.

After a week of knowing each other NewDave invited me to go to Utah. He had a friend who had buddy passes for an airline so it would be cheap to fly and we would split the cost. Well long story short I had my bags packed and was going to go after work on a Thursday and I had every intention to go but with the return flight, it was so up in the air when I would get home and the most likely scenario would be that I would fly from SLC to SFO early early early Sunday morning but wouldn't be able to get a flight back to PDX until early Monday morning and I wasn't about to spend a whole day away from Peytyn sitting in an airport and spending the money on a hotel. Plus the original plan was for me to leave work early that day which when I first got work that morning would've been totally fine but then we got like two emergencies and we had a sedation patient and just got so crazy that there was no way I was going to leave Cassie to do it by herself. So it just didn't work out.

Then for the next three months similar things happened..we kept trying to figure out a way to meet and at one point he was going to come to Portland and then I was going to go there, back and forth nothing happened. At one point I wanted him to go on the cruise before we had the chance to meet but really that's not how I wanted to meet him for the first time.

So I went to Provo for Labor Day weekend and by this point this whole NewDave thing was burning out (I knew that would happen...) but since I was going to be in the area anyways I thought we could still meet but I really was disappointed that things didn't fan out to how I had imagined. And then he showed up to Allessandra's house to pick me up. Holy crap..I had no idea what we were going to do so I didn't know what to wear so I put on some skinny jeans, a printed tank top and a blazer but then dressed it down with my converse, I thought that was a pretty safe outfit. Well, NewDave shows up and he's wearing shorts and these weird looking white shoes which wasn't like terrible but the t-shirt .. yes t-shirt .. he was wearing was like an old one. Like you know when your shirts get old and worn out and even start get stiff? Yeah..that. I know he has cute clothes. I've seen them in pictures and when we Skype so I was a bit bugged that he didn't even try. Plus I guess he cut his hair that day and I'm pretty certain he cut it himself because there was a bunch of long hairs chilling out up there and .. ugh. So I changed. I put some shirts on, my Sasquatchin' Oregon shirt and then changed from my black converse to my bright blue ones. After I went back out after I changed he was all surprised (and maybe even disappointed) and asked why I changed. Well I felt like I was trying way too hard just wanted to be on the same level as him.

We go outside and he opens my door for me (probably the only thing he did right that night...) and we start driving..to his friend's house. Wow dude, hot date tonight! We get to hang out with your friends?!? Where's my camera!! Total sarcasm right there dude. Of course I didn't say that to him. I didn't say a lot early on because I wanted him to do his thing and act as how he would act. If I told him what to do and what to say it wouldn't be genuine and it wouldn't real to him.

So we get to his friend McB's house and we go down to his like..basement theater type room and NewDave is like asking him what there is to do that night and McB finds a thing on Facebook for us to go to and the three of us hop in the car and head out. On the way to this thing the two guys are talking about a friend of theirs and all the business stuff they're doing and they weren't talking to me at all. There is no way I could contribute to this conversation and there was nothing about it that I cared about.

Then we get to downtown Provo to this street dance thing that's going on and once we get there I see this kid Justin that I "know". Justin and I met on Facebook like a week before through a friend and he was actually going to film my two videos the next day on Saturday. So he and get to talking and meeting officially and it was pretty cool. He then asked me what I was doing there and I told him I was on a date. Umm..you should've seen how wide his eyes got when I said that. He started giving a thumbs down to this dude and that's when I realized that I didn't know where NewDave went! Seriously, had he just left me?? So Justin at this point encouraged me to meet other guys that night and said there was a lot of single guys there. So I admit it, I started scoping out other guys and I thought it would be kind of funny to get another guy when I'm on a "date". That could be an interesting new game, yeah?

Well I finally see NewDave off to the side and it appears he had an eye on my the whole time I was talking to Justin but he was just giving me space to talk to my friend. Ok. So you know what we did next? We stood on the curb watching everyone else dance. We barely spoke and it was so awkward. Like I actually wanted to dance with him at first and I wanted to like..touch him. After three months of not having the chance to hug him, kiss him, hold his hand, etc. I really wanted to since we had the chance but he was not putting out the vibe he was interested in any of that so like heck I was going to initiate anything. I don't initiate anything in the first place anyways but dude, I was so bummed with this whole situation. I kept feeling rejected over and over again because I really wanted to put my arm around him and finally connect on that physical level but I couldn't. I literally almost started crying 4 or 5 times throughout the night. And it did have to do with my cruise boy, Mike, but that's a whole different story.

So we're standing on the curb just .. standing .. and NewDave kept saying "Man, everyone here is so young..." Umm yeah..they're all college students. And it's not like they wanted either of his old friends hitting on them..freakin a....like, had me and NewDave gone out together earlier that night and then met up with his friends at this dance I would've been so down for trying to get girls for his friends. It would've been entertaining and something funny to do but it's not how I pictured our whole night to be so I was really bugged.

Back to scoping out guys..I made sure to position myself from NewDave and McB so it didn't look like I was "with" either of them. And at this point I was okay with McB hanging out with us so it looked like I was there with some guy friends rather than a bad date. I know I know I know .. This all sounds pretty bad on my end but if NewDave wasn't going to take advantage of the short time we had together then I wasn't going to let my weekend go to waste either, so bring on the boys. Ha. I'll tell you right now though, I didn't get any numbers or anything .. I actually tried to not be so grumpy so I could maybe have a decent time with NewDave.

Eventually though, I did see a guy I thought was cute and I wanted to give him a little smile to see if I could get one in return but between NewDave and stuff I never made eye contact with this guy - but it's a good thing I didn't! A few minutes later I did meet him, but he was NewDave's friend. That would've been so bad/awkward/funny but oh well. But the thing is though I talked to this guy for a min or two, just simple stuff. "No, I actually live in Portland, I'm just here for the weekend" ... etc. And before he left he said it was nice meeting me and he reached out and grabbed my arm and gave a little squeeze. Uuummm..why is that so hard? Why are his friends giving me more attention than he is, isn't he my date for the night?? And even McB was giving me more attention. A few minutes after this McB was giving me a hard time about being pissed off and ultimately the conversation wasn't that hostile, like I was smirking/trying to laugh it off while staying pretty mad but again, why can't NewDave have a conversation with me? Even though my conversation with McB wasn't like super happy it was still a conversation and semi playful.

At this point NewDave officially knew I was pissed. I flat said I was. So we walked away from the street dance to a more secluded area, sat down and started talking. I told him that maybe I was confused because I thought we were going on a date that night and if I'm mistaken and he just wanted to be friends, then that's fine. We can hang out and just be friends. But he was like saying how he gets shy and nervous at first and he thought it would be less pressure if we hung out with his friends. And I told him I understood that but, why did we have to drive with McB? At least if we met him and his other friend there it would've helped a little..not much..but a little. He apologized and at this point I'm back to wanting to just get over what had happened and see if we could connect. I knew my bad attitude about the night wasn't going to help make it any better so I was trying to shake it off.

So we're still talking about how this night wasn't how I expected it to be and I said something playfully mean to him and it responded well because he was shocked but still laughed which then made me laugh and during this he started shaking my shoulders like "why would you say that" and when he was doing that I pointed to his hand and was like "There, this, keep doing this. Why is this so hard? Why couldn't you be doing this all night?" And he then said something about not wanting to be all over me or something which is total bull - I get that he wants to be appropriate but he can still touch me without it being bad. So I really don't know what he means by that. But anyways at this point I put my arms around him and I felt so much better. Like, that's what I needed to just be in his arms finally and know that we actually have a connection and that these past three months can be more than Skype conversations and what not. And then I let him kiss me and I admit that I liked it. Yeah, it didn't last very long but it did help break up the tension. So we started walking back to the party so we can meet up with McB and go home. Even though I hate initiating things I grabbed his hand as we're walking. But once McB is in site, guess he lets go of my hand. Srsly dude?? I looked over at him and he gave me a pathetic smile and said something about how his friends would tease him for holding my hand. I looked him in the eye and put my hand up to eye level and them moved it down to my hip and told him he was back down there again. Like, really?? I thought we were finally going to be able to have a good time. Whatever.

So we get back to McB's place and I meet his roommate whoever that was and we decide to watch a movie. How fun was that?? I get to watch a movie with a guy who won't make a move and with his two buddies. Yeah I just slept the whole time. I did try to kiss him at one point because I knew his friends were asleep and couldn't see anyways but nope..douche bag rejected me. Well, not fully..he gave me a little kiss but pointed over to his friends and then started watching the movie again.

I guess I should point out that he doesn't live in Provo. That's why we were there.

So after the movie ends he takes me back to Allessandra's and I was about to walk into her place and he was like "What, no hug?" Giving him a hug didn't cross my mind once...and sadly..the story doesn't end there...

Sunday, July 8, 2012

So. Here I am again. I really would love to be able to blog and keep record of my life. I've attempted it in the past a few times and I feel like I have a better idea of how to accomplish this now. I've been torn about a theme for my blog .. everything needs a theme, right? ;-) But for real, I feel like if I have a theme then it would be easier to stay connected with something and have substance. Problem is that the themes I could think of were so specific that I was worried for the future. For example, I wanted to blog about me and my daughter Peytyn, my little mini me. But what if I have more kids? I wouldn't want to like..hurt their future feelings or end up having multiple blogs about each kid, now that's just ridiculous...I do have a friend who has a blog that is called "The Forever Family" which I think is so cute, and that's kind of what I'm going for to blog about. Buuuut..I'm not quite there yet myself. But while I'm thinking about these things I realized that I do want to get married and I do want to have more kids and I do have all these dreams and goals in life. And I want to blog about my dreams and goals along with when I accomplish them. Since there will always be new dreams and new goals I'll always be in .. the Pursuit of Happiness.

I've always been a dreamer and have always had such awesome goals I would love to accomplish and lately I've actually been sharing these dreams and goals with other people (I'm normally a pretty private person). And now I'm actually carrying these things out which really gets me pumped. There's a chance that they all won't be as successful as I dream they would be but as long as I actually do them and know that I did what I could .. just that alone would be the greatest feeling.

I'm really looking forward to becoming this "doer" I've always wanted to be. I've learned from the past with blogging and I feel like I have a better chance of success this time around. But for now, the blog will be private and once I prove to myself that I can blog consistently and have purpose, I'll start to share this with others.