TALLAHASSEE, FL—Calling it a vigorous exercise without equal, a report released Wednesday by Florida State University found that thinking about the way you look all the time burns 5,000 calories per hour. “With slight variations depending on weight, gender, and age, we noted the average person can burn an estimated 5,000 calories every hour that they spend being totally consumed by their physical shortcomings,” said lead researcher Dr. Diane Mendrey, adding that the exact form of self-disgust can range from obsessing over a particularly shameful facial feature to comparing yourself to a specific attractive person whom you’ve been jealous of your entire life. “Even five minutes o... Full story