9.10.2014

Dumbass Sayings: “Shits and Giggles”

Sometimes people say things like “Sorry we kidnapped your wife and sold her to a Malaysian sex trafficking ring, we just did it for shits and giggles.” What kind of excuse is that? Shits and giggles? I don’t know about you, but I find the act of defecation and laughter to be mutually exclusive. I might be able to laugh about diarrhea after the fact, once many months have passed and the hurt is not still fresh in my mind, but at the time the brown lava is rocketing out of my ass, I am not in a giggly mood. Sure pooping can feel good, but it’s not the kind of good that makes you break out into laughter. Now “Farts and giggles” I can understand. That saying would make a great deal of sense because farts are inherently funny. When you her a fart you have a tendency to giggle. When you hear someone shitting you have a tendency to want to leave the room immediately. Shitting is no joke. It’s a serious time when there’s toxic waste coming out of a human being. If you don’t think feces is a serious matter, let’s see how you react the next time a random homeless person runs up to you on the street and throws a handful of his crap right in your face. I doubt you’ll be laughing. Poop is no laughing matter. It’s the farts that give poop what little humor it has. Never forget that.

If anything this saying should be "Giggles and shits" because you would never laugh after you shit yourself, but you can always laugh so hard you end up shitting yourself.