Peeps, I’ve decided to succumb to the cultural obsession with pumpkin everything. I’ve also decided that you need more stud muffins in your life, and don’t we all? Thus, I bring you my Pumpkin Stud Muffins. You’ll find this recipe called “Blueberry Stud Muffins” in my cookbook. Why did I call it that when I know full well that people go absolutely gaga for pumpkin anything? I have no idea. I must have been resisting conventional pumpkin marketing techniques as a way of sticking my middle finger up the patriarchal consumerist machine. But I digress.

Now I say fine, have it! Have all the pumpkin you want. I give up. And I give in. Pumpkin stud muffins are here to stay.

Pumpkin Stud Muffins

Yields 12 muffins

These delicately spiced pumpkin muffins are studded with dried blueberries. I encourage you to feed them to your personal entourage of stud muffins as part of a bountiful breakfast or midday snack. Try these muffins with a schmear of Coconutty Cream Cheese [the recipe can be found in my cookbook] for an especially luscious stud-muffin experience, something I’m always up for.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly oil a twelve-cup muffin tin or line it with paper stud-muffin cups.

Put the flour, baking powder, cinnamon, baking soda, nutmeg, salt, cloves, and ginger in a medium bowl. Stir with a dry whisk until well combined.

Put the pumpkin purée, maple syrup, nondairy yogurt, oil, sugar, and vanilla extract in a large bowl. Stir with a whisk until well combined.

Add the dry mixture to the wet mixture and stir to combine. Fold in the blueberries.

Pour the batter into the prepared muffin cups, filling each cup completely.

Bake for 20 to 25 minutes, until a toothpick inserted in the center of a muffin comes out clean. Let the muffins rest in the muffin tin for about 5 minutes before transferring to a cooling rack. Serve warm or at room temperature.

Blueberry Stud Muffins will stay fresh for up to 1 week when stored in a tightly sealed container in the refrigerator. Your personal entourage of stud muffins will stay fresh as long as they wear a good cruelty-free deodorant and bathe at least once a day. I’m prepared to assist with the bathing.

Pumpkin-Raisin Stud Muffins: Imagine that you just ran out of dried blueberries but are dying for some hot stud-muffin action. Simply substitute the dried blueberries with ½ cup of raisins. Problem deliciously solved.

Pardon me while I take a short break from posting recipes to tell you about one of my besties, Honey LaBronx. Since I only post recipes about once every six years, I'm hoping this departure won't be too much of a burden for anyone.

In case ya didn’t know, I live in Minnesota, and it can get a tad nippy here during the winter months. I could boohoo about that, but I don’t boohoo about that because the winter brings other pleasures. Namely, soup.

And I'm happy to share with you one of my favorite ways to serve up that king of the cruciferous, broccoli. Though this recipe is one of my faves, I'd nearly forgotten it, until last week when I had to whip up something to bring with me to a queer vegan potluck. Ooh, this did the trick. And all the queers rejoiced.

Your Mistress loves a good scone. Always have. In fact, you can find the recipe for Pop-My-Cherry Scones in my cookbook, and they are sensational. But lately, I've wanted to try my hand at veganizing a more authentic scone—rolled and cut like a biscuit. I'm quite proud of what I've come up with, and now my little sconey can be your little sconey!

In between creating new shows for Junkyard Cabaret, I like to get creative in the kitchen (and in the boudoir). Referring only to my culinary exploits today, I share this new recipe that's sure to hit all the right buttons for those of you who love comfort food. Umm...isn't that everyone?

What's more, this creamy, crunchy, carbolicious delight is made entirely from wholesome ingredients that you probably already have in your pantry. No need for fancy store-bought vegan cheeses here. Though they can be scrumptious too, I figure if you're going to the trouble of making a big ol' fancy casserole, let's do it up from scratch. Here we go!

Magical Mac N'cheese

Yields 8 servings

Yeah, I’ve done it. I’ve concocted my own vegan version of a classic baked macaroni and cheese, and it’s magic, baby. And it’s so much easier than pulling a rabbit out of a hat or sawing somebody in half. Believe me—I've tried! Here’s the spell: Share this dish with all of your many lovers and then watch as they melt into comfort-foodie bliss.

Now let the witchcraft commence! Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly coat a 13 x 9 inch baking dish with vegetable oil. Cook and drain the noodles according to the package directions.

Prepare the cheesy sauce while the pasta is cooking. Put the nondairy milk, cashews, and mustard in a blender and process on high speed until smooth. Presto change-o!

Put the cashew mixture in a large saucepan over medium-high heat and cook, stirring constantly, until thickened, about 10 minutes. Really, cashews are some kind of wickedly good sorcery to thicken up like that.

When your sauce is thick and creamy, decrease the heat to low and whisk in the nutritional yeast, onion powder, garlic powder, salt, and black pepper. Continue to mix until smooth and well combined. Remove from heat and stir in the cooked noodles. Fold in the salsa and transfer the mixture to the baking dish. (No magic tips here. Just dump and spread.)

Smooth the top of the pasta mixture with a rubber spatula and then sprinkle evenly with French fried onions and dried parsley to make it pretty. Say “abracadabra,” or some shit like that.

Bake for 20 to 25 minutes, until golden brown. Let cool for 10 minutes before serving to your many lovers, and then let the real magic ensue.

Ooh, baby, have I got something nasty for you! I've veganized an old-fashioned sugar cake. This delectable sweet treat makes an appearance in my new cabaret show, Be My Nasty Valentine: Songs of Love and Liberation. Thus, I call it my "Nasty Sugar Cake." But whether or not you make it to the show, you can still have this cake for yourself—or for a lover.

My boy-toy, aka my sugar cake, has declared that this is his favorite thing that I've made for him. And that's saying a lot since he's feasted on everything I have to offer. (And I mean everything!) But bringing it back to the subject of baked goods, this sugar cake can be whipped up in a jiffy, giving you lots of time for the shaving, plucking, and painting that just might go along with your Valentine's Day preparations.

Nasty Sugar Cake

This is such as nasty sugar cake. In other words, it's glorious, brilliant, sublime, and oh so right on. Pure decadence indeed! Dig in and let your inner nasty reign supreme.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Coat the sides of an 8-inch baking pan with vegetable shortening. Sprinkle with flour and then shake and tap out the excess. (An 8-inch heart-shaped pan would be divine, but a 9-inch loaf pan could also work.)

Put the egg replacer and water in a food processor and process until frothy, about 3 minutes. Add the coconut oil, nondairy milk, and vanilla extract. Process until well combined.

Sift the flour, sugar, salt, baking powder into a large bowl. Gradually add the liquid mixture, one-third at a time, and combine with the dry ingredients using an electric mixer or wooden spoon.

Put the batter in the prepared pan. Bake for 30 to 40 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

Let cool in the pan on a cooling rack for 30 minutes. Turn the cake out of the pan onto the rack and let cool for 1 hour longer.

Seriously, look at this dip pic! I tried to make it pretty, so rather than topping this traditional party food with gooey orange cheese, which ain't so pretty, I top it with a much more appealing romaine-cilantro-olive garnish. But don't despair! I've got a nondairy version of that gooey stuff tucked away in this newly veganized version of the classic holiday dish. And since most nondairy cheeses taste better once made ooey and gooey, I bake the first two layers and then add the fresh ingredients on top of that. It's like hotdish meets chip dip. You and your party guests will love it!

Seven-Layer Fiesta Dip

Yields 6 cups

Thinking about how to veganize those holiday dishes that everyone knows and loves? This one is easy-peasy. The cheese and the sour cream are the only things to veganize. Simply choose some nondairy versions—readily available in most supermarkets these days. Done and done.

Layers 1 and 2Put the refried beans in a 6-cup casserole dish. Spread the beans with a rubber spatula to cover the bottom of the dish. Sprinkle the nondairy cheese evenly over the beans. Bake for 10 to 15 minutes, until the cheese is somewhat melted. Let cool slightly, about 5 minutes.

Layer 3Spoon the salsa over the nondairy cheese and then gently spread evenly with a rubber spatula.

Layer 4Sprinkle 2 cups of the chopped romaine lettuce evenly over the salsa.

Layer 5Spoon 1-tablespoon dollops of the nondairy sour cream over the lettuce and then gently spread with a rubber spatula. The sour cream won't completely cover the lettuce, but that's okay because a little sour cream goes a long way. (Your Mistress has spoken.)

Layer 6Spoon the guacamole over the sour cream and then spread evenly with a rubber spatula.

Layer 7Mix the remaining 1/2 cup of romaine lettuce with the chopped cilantro in a small bowl. Sprinkle this lettuce-cilantro mixture evenly over the guacamole. Sprinkle the black olives over the lettuce-cilantro layer and make it pretty.

Serve at once with tortilla chips and a great big smile. Done and done.

Serving Suggestions

Since this dip is rather deep, have a serving spoon nearby so that your guests can dig in all the way to the bottom layer and load up their plate with a scoop that includes all the layers. Then, they can dip their chips into their own individual servings rather than into the serving bowl. Comprendez?

As a variation, serve this scrumptious dip as a main dish. Spoon as much as you want over a bed of brown rice and have yourself and easy lunch or dinner in no time flat.

These morsels of delight have gotten rave reviews through the years. Now with this recipe, you can whip together a batch of Gingersnatch for yourself and for your many lovers whenever the craving hits. Enjoy!

Gingersnatch Cookies

Ah, here it is, what you’ve all been waiting for: a recipe with Ginger as the main event! Sink your teeth into my soft and chewy gingersnatch. I’m talking about cookies, you fiend! These gingery oatmeal cookies sparkle with a light sugar coating. They’ll lead you head first into my personal Kingdom of Sweets, where you’ll find me perched on my throne as the reigning queen of sugar and spice and everything nice . . . and everything naughty.

Combine the egg replacer with the water in a food processor and process until frothy, about 3 minutes. How are you doing with the gingersnaction so far?

Put ¾ cup of the sugar and the vegan buttery spread in a large bowl and mix using an electric mixer. Add the molasses, vanilla extract, and egg replacer. Stir the dry mixture into the wet mixture using a wooden spoon to form a dough.

Roll the dough into 24 balls, each about 1 inch in diameter. Roll each ball in the remaining ¼ cup of the sugar to create a thin coating and put on the prepared baking sheet.

Bake for 12 minutes. Let rest on the baking sheet for 3 to 5 minutes before transferring to a cooling rack.

Gingersnatch Cookies will stay fresh in a tightly sealed container at room temperature for 1 week or in the refrigerator for 2 weeks.

Congratulations! You’ve had your first experience with gingersnaction. How was it for you? You know what they say: “Once you go gingersnatch, you never go back.”

I don't know about you but if I hear one more word about this facacta presidential election I'm going to explode, and you know when I explode there's just going to be glitter everywhere. Let's avoid that mess altogether and simply appoint me queen of all time, shall we?

Seriously though, I could use that strapping secret service detail. I just hope they know how to keep a secret... And first thing I'd do in the White House, besides the obligatory bedazzling, is veganize the kitchen.

Here's a recipe that would surely be included in my arsenal of culinary weapons for world peace. Give it a whirl and imagine yourself queen for a day. I'll even loan you my tiara.

And of course, if it's power you want, baby, get out and VOTE in November. I won't tell you how to vote, but if you scroll down you might just get a glimpse of where my loyalties lie. #SorryNotSorry #LoveTrumpsHate #YourMistressHasSpoken

Fit-for-a-Queen Artichokes

I just found out that Marilyn Monroe was crowned the first Artichoke Queen in 1948. What? How did I not know this? And more importantly, why haven’t I been crowned Artichoke Queen yet? I’m the queen of everything else, why not artichokes too? But I’m sure that once word gets out about my Fit-for-a-Queen Artichokes, I’ll be hailed as the next Artichoke Queen. I knew that diamonds were a girl’s best friend, but I had no idea that one might say the same for artichokes, especially when they’re stuffed with breadcrumbs, smothered in vegan cheese, and dipped in garlic aïoli. Long live the queen!

Garlic Aïoli

First queenly duty: Put on a tiara and prep the artichokes. Cut off the artichoke stems to create flat bottoms so the artichokes can stand upright. Peel off the first two layers of leaves at the base. With scissors, remove the pointed tips from all the remaining leaves and snip 1 inch off the top. Snip, snip.

Fill a large soup pot with 4 quarts of water and bring to a boil over high heat.

Add 1 tablespoon of the oil and the artichokes and boil for 25 minutes. (Come on now! Did Marilyn ever even boil an artichoke?) Drain the artichokes in a colander and let cool, about 10 minutes.

While the artichokes are boiling, preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. If the kitchen gets too toasty, go outside and stand over a subway vent to cool off. (This works best if you’re wearing a flare skirt, and if you live near a subway.)

To make the stuffing, put the bread on a baking sheet and bake for about 5 minutes, until the cubes are lightly toasted, crispy on the outside but soft on the inside. Remove from the oven and put in a medium bowl. (Leave the oven turned on as you will soon be baking the artichokes.)

Drizzle the vinegar and the remaining 2 tablespoons of the oil over the bread cubes and toss until moistened. Stir in the nondairy Parmesan cheese. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

To prepare the artichokes for stuffing, stand them up on their bottoms. Pick up each artichoke with tongs and use a spoon to remove the center and scrape out the fuzzy leaves while leaving the center choke and exterior leaves intact.

Fill the center cavity with the stuffing. Fan the outer leaves and stuff each leaf with a bit of stuffing. Now for the coronation. Cue fanfare. Crown each artichoke with ¼ cup of the nondairy mozzarella cheese.

Bake for 20 minutes, until the crown of nondairy mozzarella cheese has melted.

While the artichokes bake, prepare the garlic aïoli. Mix the vegan mayonnaise, garlic, and lemon juice in a small bowl. Divide the aïoli among four small dipping bowls.

Serve and eat these things like the raging queen that you are. Oh, you want to know how to eat these things? See Tricks of the Trade to learn how to enjoy this royal entrée to the max.

Tricks of the Trade

Eat your cooked artichokes like the queen of your childhood dreams—regally, but with your fingers. Pull off the outer leaves, one at a time, keeping your pinkies up for some majestic allure. Dip the fleshy end of each leaf in the garlic aïoli and eat the soft, fleshy part of each leaf. Continue until all the leaves have been removed. Finally, you’ve arrived at the heart of the artichoke. Go on, eat your heart out, and crown me Artichoke Queen!

Darling peeps! The month of October will have me sharing my vegan pearls of wisdom with the world at large. I'll hit up two different veg fest events with a special presentation, which I'm currently calling "Compassion with a Fan Kick." Autographed copies of my cookbook will also be available. More details to come! I just want you to get these on your calendar now in case you're in the area. I'd love to meet you, my pretty, and your little dog, too.

Twin Cities Veg FestSaturday, October 29 & Sunday, October 30, 11am - 4pmCoffman Memorial Union at the University of Minnesota, Minneapolis, MNPresentation: "Compassion with a Fan Kick" and book signing!

Mistress Ginger Cooks!: Everyday Vegan Food for Everyone is also available on Amazon, and autographed copies can be ordered on this website.

I just found out that Prince went to junior high and high school in my neighborhood, so ya know, I just might be living in the house he grew up in. And lord, if this is true, my boudoir could be even more of a tourist attraction than it already is. But I digress.

'Tis almost strawberry season, and I've got a little something to make those sensational berries sing out. I call it Sh-Boogie Bop Cream in honor of Prince. As you must know, his song "Cream" goes something like this:

CreamGet on topCreamYou will copCreamDon't you stopCreamSh-boogie bop

I'm not sure exactly what those lyrics mean, but they sound delicious!

Sh-Boogie Bop Cream

Yields 1 cup

The creamy treat is the perfect fruit dip: quite sweet, very lite, and supremely easy to prepare. Whip it up, dip your berries, and then get your sh-boogie bop on.

3/4 cup crumbled firm silken tofu

2 tablespoons agave nectar

2 tablespoons maple syrup

1/2 teaspoon lemon juice

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Put all the ingredients in a food processor. Process until the mixture is well combined. Pause to scrape down the sides of the bowl with a rubber spatula. Continue to process and don't you stop until it's smooth and creamy.

Serve with fresh strawberries or other fresh fruit of your choosing.

Store leftover Sh-Boogie Bop Cream in a tightly sealed container in the refrigerator and use within 1 week.

If you're looking for a more elaborate way to serve up your strawberries — something that's equally vegan but decidedly more rich, try my recipe for Strawberry Shortcake, which you can find in my cookbook. It features a luscious crème anglaise that's poured over moist slices of Pound-Me Cake (my vegan version of pound cake) and fresh strawberries marinated in Kirsch (that's cherry liqueur). Wowsa! I know you're already drooling, but you can wait to thank me once you've taken your first bite.

True, I hadn't sung any of his songs, and, I'll admit, I don't own any of his albums. BUT we had lots in common as musical mavens and eyeliner experts. And we're both from Minneapolis! (I hear there's something in the water.)

His music made people want to sing, dance, and lose their virginity. I think that's a legacy worth celebrating. Don't you?

So today, I'm eating only purple foods! Of course, the only recipe I have for something purple is my divine Swoop-Me-Up Smoothie. And what better day to share it than on Earth Day? As we all know, if we want to go green, eating more plant-based foods and less meat, eggs, and dairy is one of the best ways to win the Best Friends of the Friends of the Earth Award.

This recipe has been extracted from my cookbook with one modification: you have the option of using a medjool date rather than agave nectar. As this smoothie has been my breakfast staple, I've grown to prefer the fresh date. It's a delish way to start the day.

Be sure to use the blueberries if you want to make it purple in honor of you-know-who. Now once you whip this up, let's raise a glass and make a toast to the one and only.

Swoop-Me-Up SmoothieYields 1 servingThe lure of the almighty smoothie will swoop you out of bed, and it’s nutrient-packed essence will give you a lift for the day ahead. In fact, the most challenging thing about having a smoothie for breakfast is deciding how to spend all the time that you just saved by making a smoothie.

1½ cups plain nondairy milk

1 fresh or frozen banana

½ cup fresh or frozen berries (blueberries, strawberries, or raspberries, or a combination)

2 tablespoons ground flaxseeds

1 tablespoon raw cashews or almonds

2 teaspoons agave nectar or 1 medjool date

Put all the ingredients in a blender and process on high speed until smooth. Sip this through a straw while you paint your toenails, and thank your lucky stars that you bought a blender.

Tricks of the Trade

If you can’t immediately use bananas that have ripened, don’t throw them in the trash! Peel the bananas, wrap them individually in plastic wrap (to keep them from sticking together), and put them in a ziplock freezer bag. Store the bananas in the freezer until you’re ready to use them.

Not all blenders are powerful enough to blend frozen fruit on a daily basis. Frozen bananas and strawberries are particularly dense and could give your blender a conniption fit if you’re not careful. If you don’t have an exceptionally high-powered blender (above 700 watts), soak your frozen fruit in warm water for three minutes, drain, and proceed with the recipe with the somewhat softened fruit. Your blender will be so happy that you did.

Does anyone else get positively orgasmic to find that your local grocer carries baby lima beans in bulk, or is that just me?

Today I'm sharing one of my favorite recipes that makes use of these fabulous little legumes. This isn't one of my recipes, however. No, I have my pal Jo Stepaniak to thank for this. Jo is an absolute goddess in realm of compassionate cookery (and was the editor for my cookbook!). You can find this recipe in her cookbook Delicious Food for a Healthy Heart.

This recipe goes to prove two things:

Vegan food doesn't have to be expensive. These ingredients are the cheapest of the cheap.

Healthy whole foods can also be comfort foods. This chowder is not only ridiculously good for you, but it's also amazingly creamy and undeniably delicious.

Perfect for your upcoming Superbowl party, this chowder is guaranteed to feed all the hot jocks on your block. Come Sunday, I hope that while this soup is cooking you, like me, will don your favorite jersey, belt it, and then find some matching pumps and sequin beret. Now am I alone in these fashion choices?

Barley is an excellent source of soluble fiber, and this thick and hearty soup is a scrumptious way to include more of it in your diet. The longer you cook the soup, the thicker, creamier, and richer tasting it becomes.

8 cups water or vegetable stock

1 cup dried baby lima beans, soaked for 8 to 12 hours in water to cover, then drained

1 cup chopped onions

1 cup chopped carrot

1/2 cup pearl barley

1 stalk celery, finely chopped

2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

1 tablespoon crushed garlic

1 teaspoon dried thyme

Sea salt

Freshly ground black pepper

Place water and beans in a large soup pot and bring to a boil over high heat. Add the onion, carrot, barley, celery, oil, garlic and thyme and stir to combine. Decrease the heat to medium, cover and simmer until the barley and beans are tender and the broth is rich and creamy, about 1 1/2 to 2 hours. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Serve hot.

The Herbivorous Butcher is all the rage these days, in case you haven't heard. What's more, this brother-and-sister duo who create meat-free meats and cheese-free cheeses are the sweetest of the sweet. I had the honor to be a part of the grand opening celebration of their new storefront last weekend in Minneapolis. I gave away an autographed copy of my cookbook as part of the festivities and schmoozed with the throng of excited patrons who were lined up at the door.

I look forward to using their assortment of plant-based goodies for my culinary creations, and I hope that you will too. Here's a perfect way to get started: Prepare a batch of my Down-and-Dirty Jambalaya and use their vegan sausage to make it extra delish. (I do believe their products are available via mail order if you don't live in the Twin Cities area.)

Let’s get down and dirty, folks. By that I mean let’s make some jambalaya. What did you think I meant? You dirty birdie, you think you know me so well. Well, you didn’t know me when I was living in New Orleans, singing in the jazz dives by night and apprenticing with a Cajun chef by day. He taught me how to worship the holy trinity. I asked, “What holy trinity?” Until then, I just thought the holy trinity was “safe, sane, and consensual.” But in Cajun-land, the holy trinity refers to onion, celery, and bell pepper. Who knew? I’ve since veganized this Cajun favorite, which usually consists of a mad mix of different meats, now replaced with meaty mushrooms, chunky chickpeas, and vegan sausage. Ooh, there’s another holy trinity for you to relish with glee.

Let’s talk dirty. Combine the rice, water, bay leaves, and a pinch of salt in a large saucepan. Bring to a boil over high heat. Cover and cook until the rice is tender and all the water has been absorbed, about 45 minutes. Remove from the heat and let sit covered for 5 minutes. Remove the bay leaves, fluff the rice with a fork, and drizzle with 1 tablespoon of the oil. (Hmm, “fluff” and “drizzle.” That could qualify as dirty talk, if improperly applied.)

While the rice cooks, let’s take care of the holy trinity. Here’s how we get holy: heat the remaining 2 tablespoons of the oil in a large soup pot over medium-high heat. Add the onion, celery, and bell pepper. Cook, stirring frequently, until softened, about 3 minutes.

Add the mushrooms, tomatoes, scallions, garlic, chile, and Cajun seasoning. Cook, stirring occasionally, until the mushrooms are tender, 5 to 7 minutes. Add the chickpeas and vegan sausage and stir to combine. Cook until the sausage is heated through, about 3 minutes. Stir in the rice and season with salt and pepper to taste. Decrease the heat to low and simmer, stirring occasionally, until the flavors have blended, about 5 minutes. Meanwhile, festoon your dining room for a Mardi Gras celebration with an indiscriminate spray of purple, green, and gold accoutrements.

Stir in the parsley and then let the festivities begin. Leading a parade of freaky dancers and gaudy floats, carry this dynamite dish out to the bedazzled dining room. And make sure a genuine N’Orleans jazz band is bringin’ up the rear. (No dirty talk was intended with that last remark, I assure you).

Tricks of the TradeWhile the ingredient list is on the long side, this dish is remarkably simple to prepare, especially when you consider the impressive results. What makes a dish like this even easier is prepping all the ingredients before you begin to cook. Once you begin to cook the rice, take the next 20 minutes to clean and chop the veggies so they’re ready to go when you start tackling that part of the recipe. This advance preparation will save you time, and that’s time that you can use to figure out how to fit that friggin’ parade into your one-bedroom apartment.

On my way to The Herbivorous Butcher's Grand Opening. I was almost sidelined when I ran face first into a hanging fruit basket before leaving the house, but I wasn't going to let anything stop me!

What’s a “veganizing,” you ask? It’s what happens when you want to take a dish that’s typically made with animal products, and replace the meat, eggs, or dairy with some plant-based alternatives. And why is this particular veganizing an emergency veganizing? Because the holidays are here, and there are vegans in desperate need of a plant-based alternative to eggnog. Your Mistress has spoken.

Of course, there are many varieties of store-bought, egg-free, dairy-free nog, and those are all fine and dandy. But making your own gives you the opportunity to use premium ingredients that suit your taste and might even be better for your health.

If you’re not vegan and thinking that this doesn’t apply to you, guess again! More and more these days, vegans are cropping up all over the place. It won’t be long before your little sister comes home from college and arrives at your holiday soirée proclaiming that she won’t drink your eggnog because she just learned what happens to baby calves once the momma gives birth on a dairy farm. Emergency veganizing to the rescue!

Not Your Mama’s Nog

Yields 4 servings

Here’s my quick and easy recipe for veganized eggnog. The ingredients are very wholesome, yet you’ll find it to be rich and creamy, much like the eggnog you grew up slurping. And this nog has a subtle banana dimension that makes it especially tasty. Of course, if you want some more familiar flavor, go ahead and spike it with a little rum, bourbon, or brandy. Lord knows, those flavors are plenty familiar to you. At least, that’s what I’ve heard…

2 cups plain unsweetened nondairy milk

1/2 cup mashed very ripe banana

1/4 cup crumbled silken tofu

2 medjool dates

2 tablespoons raw cashews

2 tablespoons maple syrup

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Pinch ground nutmeg

Put all the ingredients in a blender and process on high speed until smooth. Chill in a covered container until ready to serve and use within one day.

I hope you and your loved ones have a splendid holiday, enjoying this delicious alternative to regular ol’ eggnog and wearing something that sparkles.

Being a snazzle-frazzle vegan for more than a dozen years, I’ve had a spectrum of holiday experiences, from omnivorous family gatherings that feature not only turkey but also ham and mac and cheese, to veg-friendly feasts where, though turkey was served, I supplied a vegan entree and dessert and the other guests, though not vegan themselves, thoughtfully veganized the side dishes that they brought. Though I can happily hobnob with my omnivorous peeps (and try not to think too hard about the turkey on the table), my very favorite rendition of Thanksgiving happened for the first time last year. I hosted a queer vegan potluck with some of my very best friends – my chosen family. Though not all of them are vegan (or even queer), every one of them could eat anything on the menu. In that way, it truly felt like a celebration of gratitude, rich with an abundance of food and friendship. We created our own paradise where the virtues of love and compassion felt especially alive.

Now, don’t get me wrong – I haven’t always had the opportunity to create my own paradise with a queer vegan Thanksgiving potluck. I’ve most often had to venture outside my comfort zone for the holidays (and that’s saying a lot since the comfort zone for a pink-haired showgirl is abnormally large). Many years ago, maybe a year after I went vegan, a burly boyfriend took me to meet his family in the sticks. Once there, I learned that he was from a family of hunters who relished casseroles comprised of every animal product under the sun. Egad! It wasn’t my ideal way to spend the holidays, especially considering my newly minted vegan ethic, but I made the best of it. I did exactly what any smart vegan showgirl would do when she’s invited to an omnivore’s dinner party: I made sure to bring good vegan food to eat and to share. And I made sure that whatever I brought looked and tasted delicious. And I wore sequins. I was going to have a good time, dammit! And not just for my own sake but also for the sake of veganism, to show others that going vegan isn’t about a life of deprivation. Au contraire!

I know one vegan stud muffin who tells the story of a Thanksgiving long ago. He decided to spend the day fasting as a personal protest. He sat there with an empty plate while his family, surrounding him on all sides, stuffed their faces. Oh, what a pathetic scene! Many years later, he tells this story with regret, admitting that his protest was in vain; it only reinforced others’ preconceived notions that vegans are living a life devoid of pleasure. Let’s avoid this scenario at all costs. Now, how do you do that?

As I said before, bring a bounty of scrumptious vegan goodies to your holiday celebration. Chances are that people will want to eat what you’re eating. Chances also are that people will ask you why you won’t eat the turkey. Now, how does one respond to such a question in that moment? In my experience, the Thanksgiving dinner table is not the place to expound upon the evils of factory farming. Say something brief and innocuous but true for you, such as “I do it for the animals, my health, and the planet.” You can respond joyfully, respectfully, and with reserve. If they have follow-up questions right there at the dinner table, say that you’d be happy to chat with them about it at another time. Though they’ve expressed an interest, if they are eating animals at that meal, they are unlikely to be receptive to your vegan philosophy. They are more likely to be defensive, and who knows where the conversation will go from there. If fisticuffs have to break out at the holiday dinner table, let it be over whom gets to have the last serving of Mistress Ginger’s Apple-Blueberry Crisp and not about something so highly charged as our food choices.

If you want to be a voice for the animals during the holidays, consider how you can most effectively do that. The outspoken, confrontational approach is not always the best one to take, especially at holiday celebrations. Aim for harmony. Focus on the common ground, what you share. In my experience, just being present as the joyful, compassionate (and devastatingly gorgeous) creature that I am, I can create positive experiences for others around the image of veganism.

In summary, your Mistress recommends that you show up at your holiday gatherings with some glorious vegan food in tow, keep the conversation light and nonjudgmental, and, if at all possible, wear something sequined.

Get ready for your taste buds to get seriously serviced. This melt-in-your-mouth fruit crisp is ready, willing, and able. Serve warm, with nondairy ice cream to heighten the experience. Who would have guessed that a freaking fruit crisp would be the love of your life—or even just a thrilling one-night stand? Oh, it can, and it will. Serve with dairy-free ice cream and enjoy!

The best way to initiate a thrilling one-night stand is to simply turn up the heat, and then get things good and lubricated. In other words, preheat the oven to 350 degrees F and coat a 6-cup casserole dish with vegan buttery spread.

Time to get fruity. Mix the apples and blueberries in the casserole dish.

Mix 2 tablespoons of the flour with the brown sugar in a small bowl. Sprinkle over the fruit and stir gently until the fruit is evenly coated.

Sift the remaining 1 cup of the flour into a medium bowl and stir in the sugar, baking powder, cinnamon, and salt until well combined.

Put the egg replacer and water in a food processor and process until frothy, about 3 minutes. Using a fork or pastry blender, cut the frothy mixture into the dry mixture. Sprinkle evenly over the fruit and drizzle with the melted vegan buttery spread.

Store leftover crisp (if there is such a thing) in a tightly sealed container in the refrigerator and use within 1 week. Chances are, however, that fruity crisp will be gone when you wake up in the morning. Damn those fly-by-night romances!

Darling peeps! I'm back. After a whirlwind month of performances, I'm turning the page and taking some time to spread the gospel of my snazzle-frazzle cookbook, Mistress Ginger Cooks!: Everyday Vegan Food For Everyone. This is the same cookbook that prompted the Star Tribune to say, "We've never thought it possible to use the words 'vegan' and 'glamour' in the same sentence, until now..."

Now I'm packing up my fabulous frocks and my fresh food and getting ready to do the veg fest circuit. I'll be taking my cookbook near and yonder, giving away my cookies willy nilly. Hopefully, I'll be at a veg fest near you. Join me!

I'll be giving cooking demos at each of these fun festivals. You'll not only learn how to make some simple (and delicious!) vegan food, but you'll also get to see me in action and sample what I make. Think of it as a cross between stand-up comedy and plant-based cookery. And of course, autographed copies of my book will be available for just $20 each!

Check out my schedule of travels below. I would love to meet you and for you to get a taste of what I have to offer, so to speak.

XO, MG

Fargo-Moorhead VegFestSunday, October 18, 10am - 5pmMoorhead Center Mall, Moorhead, MNCooking demo in the afternoon and book signing all day!

Twin Cities Veg FestSunday, November 1, 10am - 4pmCoffman Memorial Union at the University of Minnesota, Minneapolis, MNCooking demo at 3pm and book signing!

Happy Pride, darling peeps! I hope that you are finding wonderful ways to celebrate our diversity with love, love, and more love. I can think of no better way to fuel my marathon of Pride activities than with a Brazilian Rainbow Platter. Here's the recipe for this ever-so-simple but freakishly flavorful dish, which you can find along with other tantalizing eats in my cookbook, Mistress Ginger Cooks!: Everyday Vegan Food for Everyone.

Brazilian Rainbow Platter

Yields 4 servings

I adore everything about Brazil, from the bright, bold colors to the sweet, sexy samba to the tall, dark, and handsome locals. In fact, one of those strapping locals taught me how to make the Brazilian black beans that are the centerpiece of this vibrant platter. Have I whet your appetite yet? These sexy beans are adorned with a colorful array of fresh vegetables, all of which can be prepared within minutes, leaving more time for . . . samba!

First, give that garlic the ol’ bump and grind! That’s right, grind the garlic and salt in a mortar with pestle (or in a food processor) until a paste forms and the juicy goodness of the garlic is set free.

Heat the oil in a medium saucepan over medium-high heat, about 1 minute. Add the garlic paste and cook, stirring constantly, for 1 minute. Add the beans and decrease the heat to medium. Cook, stirring occasionally, until the beans are heated through, about 5 minutes.

If you’re teaching your lover to make this dish, this is when you stand behind him, holding his hand in yours and guiding him to press some of the beans up against the side of the saucepan with the spoon until about half are mashed and half are still somewhat formed. (We’re taking “spooning” to the next level here. Please do try this at home.)

Put about 1 inch of water in a large saucepan with a vegetable steamer. Bring to a boil. Add the yams, cover, and steam until nearly tender, about 5 minutes. Put the kale over the yams, cover, and steam until the yams and kale are tender, about 2 minutes. (Still spooning by the stove? A little nibble on the earlobe works wonders here.)

For each serving, put 1 cup of rice on a plate or in a shallow bowl. Put one-quarter of the beans over the rice. Arrange one-quarter of the vegetables and tomato wedges around the beans. Garnish with a few avocado slices. Season with lemon juice, salt, and pepper to taste. Serve this magnificent feast to your tall, dark, and handsome dreamboat, and say, “Bom apetite!”

The month of June makes me think of many things: frolicking in a pink polka dot bikini, cavorting with burly truckers in the bushes, but most of all having my way with an avocado. What can I say? The warmer weather just makes me yearn to do things with the gorgeously green, fatty fruit. Namely, guacamole. And not just any guacamole, but my Kickass Guacamole! Here's the recipe, direct from my cookbook and sure to kick your ass just as Mother Nature intended.

Kickass Guacamole

Yields 1½ cups

I’m not one to toot my own horn, but, toot, toot––this guacamole kicks ass. I really can’t take all the credit since Mother Nature did most of the work. Take some fresh ingredients, mash them up in a bowl, and have your way with them. Dip your chips, spread your bread, or throw a dollop onto Buddy’s Burrito Bowl. Buddy won’t mind. In fact, I know he likes a dollop every now and then.

Here are Mother Nature’s instructions for making gorgeous guac. I am just the messenger. She said, and I quote, “Mash the avocados in a medium bowl with a fork. Stir in the onion, tomato, cilantro, lime juice, garlic, and chile. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Cover and refrigerate until ready to serve.” Mother Nature cuts to the chase, doesn’t she? Use within 2 days, as if that will be an issue.