Category Archives: anniversary

As I write this, it has been one year and one hour since our favorite dog of all time breathed his last breath in the back of my van. It hasn’t been an easy year, and the transition to a five-heartbeat household has been most unwelcome, but we are at peace. The gentleness of that spirit who was part dog/part angel stays with us. We have a family mantra that reminds us to be like Mason, to enjoy life and to love without limits, to be happy in all things.

As with so many pivotal moments in our lives, we divide our happenings into two categories: before we said goodbye to Mason, and after. We prefer the Before, thankyouverymuch. But, as an update on the positive side of After, Mabel is entirely different now. She loves affection. Where she couldn’t have cared less before, she now waits patiently for our arrival after work. She snuggles more now, choosing to sleep curled up beside my legs. She demands attention when she feels she has not received enough. And, a change that I know Mason nudged her toward, she finally found joy in dancing with me in the kitchen, just like he used to.

And so we acknowledge the significance of today, of who we are and of where we’ve been, grateful for the companion that shared so many of our days with us.

Like this:

This post lived in “the vault” for probably a decade. As I reflected on today’s date, I edited the last paragraph and decided to finally share it.

I was a band geek. I have to admit that I loved it. Being a part of the band was like belonging to a high school fraternity. We hazed each other, we were initiated into the fold, and we were family. Years later I would laugh until I hurt when the movie American Pie coined a geek’s phrase, “This one time, at band camp…” I have band camp stories, (clean stories, mind you…) but I dare not share them after that movie came out!

The summer before my junior year I had the privilege of meeting and growing to love a crowd of rowdy freshmen boys, all ready for high school, toting their instruments to – yes – band camp. There was Keith with his blond hair and freckles whose feistiness overshadowed his size, and Taco, a fun-loving guy whose name was actually Jeff…Taco fit better, and so it stuck. Larry sort of hung back a little, but he was friendly and liked to joke around. Chris was tall and dark-haired and seemed to have girls swooning over him at random. David was new to our area, and despite having just moved here from Los Angeles, fit in with the guys quite nicely. And Aaron…sweet Aaron, who was pixie-ish with dark hair and a sheepish smile. Stacey and I nicknamed him “A.O.” for Awesome One. AO in turn nicknamed me and Stacey each “Gorgeous.” If we were having a rotten day, AO could make us feel better with one greeting.

And then there was Duck. Jonathan Wayne Duck. (I howled when he told me his name was Jon Wayne. I got The Look and the retort, “I fail to see what is so dang funny.”) Everyone called him Jon, but Pretty in Pink was one of my favorite movies, so I instantly took to calling him “Duck.” Duck stole my heart in the way only a good buddy can. We would talk every day at school and then we’d be on the phone in the evening together. There was never anything romantic between us…I just really liked being in his company. He was a great jokester. He could take a joke, too. If my parents answered the phone when he called, they would quack to let me know it was him. I’d pick up the line to hear Duck sarcastically saying, “Uhhh, yeahh, Lori, your folks are quite the comedians tonight.” And then he would launch into a National Geographic lecture on the sensitive egos of water fowl.

Larry and Duck and I would often find each other during the school day to chat. And at the end of every school day, Duck would walk me to my car. For two years we followed the same routine. We would meet in the band room, chat about our day, and walk outside where mom would be waiting to pick me up, or as was the case during my senior year, where my own car would be waiting for me.

We were closest in my junior year, and I feel in retrospect that I took his friendship for granted during my senior year. I had such “huge” things to think about…Prom, Homecoming, Graduation. We still chatted on the phone in the evenings, and he was always a source of comic relief at football games and band competitions. As a majorette, I wore the equivalent to a swimsuit at all band performances. And with a football team in the playoffs, those last games of the season were pretty cold. Duck would find his way to me before halftime, change his voice to that of a “roving reporter” and make comments like, “Um, you know, Lori, if you would wear more clothes to these winter events, you wouldn’t be freezing your ass off!” Sometimes he’d sneak up on me with questions like, “Does your mother know you’re dressed like that?!” He would always make me laugh. I smile every time I think about those sideline conversations.

Duck hated to be in pictures. I have only two pictures of him: one of him and Larry together, and one of Duck at my surprise 18th birthday party. He was always so casual about everything, but could not stand to be in front of the camera. I feel the same way, so I really shouldn’t complain. But I wish I had more photos of him.

Larry and Duck, 1989

I graduated and went on to college, though not too far. Stacey and Jill and I ventured just across the river for higher education. I kept in touch with Duck still, and a couple of times I stopped by the high school to visit with him. I do remember Duck coming to my mom’s house one day and visiting with me for a good part of the afternoon. I told him what all was going on in college, and I remember him saying he didn’t know where he was going to enroll.

I probably didn’t talk with Duck much during his senior year or after he graduated. I thought about him a lot, but I didn’t take the time to call him up and see how everything was going. By then, I was full-swing into Dominic and, honestly, I didn’t make time for much of anything else. Dominic was going to be at the fraternity house for the ‘93 Super Bowl, and by God, I was going to be there too. If I remember correctly, I dragged Stacey with me, neither of us interested in the least in football. But we watched the game for the commercials while Dom played cards most of the night. It was the first year of a streak where the Cowboys had finally made it to the Super Bowl. They actually won, a feat few thought possible after their many losing seasons.

I remember that Dom’s fraternity brothers had borrowed and set up a big screen TV for the event, and I know we were at the house on Robinson. But other details of the early evening are sketchy in my mind. What I do remember vividly is that I was house-sitting for Mr. Wilson while he was out of town that weekend of January 31. I had finally arrived at his house, exhausted, and was taking my makeup off when the phone rang. It was Stacey and she said she had some bad news. I immediately thought something had happened to Dominic and, cursing myself for not sticking around to drive him home, demanded she tell me that he was okay. She said Dom was fine, but that Duck had shot himself that evening. Her words stunned me and I lost my breath. As Stacey relayed the few details she knew, I stumbled to the foot of the bed and sat down on the floor and cried. I kept asking if she was sure. Was he okay? Could it be a mistake? How does news like that make it across the river and into my world within a matter of hours??? It had to be a cruel joke. But Stacey would never joke like that. This was all wrong.

I knew I had to call Larry. He seemed to be my closest link to Duck, and I doubted he knew yet. It was well after midnight when I woke up Larry’s uncle, who asked me if I knew what time it was. I sobbed that yes, I knew it was late, but I really had to talk to him. Somehow, Larry was immediately on the phone and told his uncle that he would take the call. I don’t even know how I told him the news. I was in shock, and Larry and I stayed on the phone for the better part of an hour consoling each other and praying that it was all a mistake.

Duck had left us for reasons I still can’t comprehend. At his graveside I saw many of the faces that I loved, shielded by dark sunglasses. I knew nothing would ever be the same. One song from that era seemed to bond itself to the moment, and from then on I could never listen to Garth Brooks’ The Dance without thinking of Duck and the boys in the band. He probably had no idea that his friendship was one of my most treasured gifts. Or that his memory would fill me with sadness for a number of years before my thoughts of him, finally peaceful again, found joy and gratitude for who he was while I knew him.

It’s been twenty years today since Duck chose to go where we could not follow, but I can’t relive a single high school memory without thinking of him, simultaneously saying a prayer for him and thanking him for the dance.

Like this:

In honor of our anniversary two years ago I quoted lines from songs that make me think of Dom. Those songs live in a playlist called Lori Loves Dom (sappy, I know!) and they have to be pretty worthy songs in order to make the list.

Every once in a while I will hear a song that I may have known for years and the first thought through my head will be, “Oooh! I need to add that to the playlist!” One such song* popped up just the other day and I thought it was perfect for how I feel about this man who carries my heart in his pocket.

“I can just see you with your hair turning grey.
What I can’t see is how I’m ever gonna love you more,
But I’ve said that before…
Now you’re my whole life. Now you’re my whole world.
And I just can’t believe the way I feel about you…
We’ll look back someday at this moment that we’re in
And I’ll look at you and say,
‘And I thought I loved you then…’”

It’s as true today as it was sixteen years ago, Dom. I love you more than life. Happy Anniversary!

(*Lyrics from Brad Paisley’s song Then on the album American Saturday Night. All copyright and gratitude due Mr. Paisley.)

Today Dom and I celebrate our fifteenth anniversary. Last year for our anniversary I listed lyrics to my favorite “Dom Songs” that describe how and why I love him. Not that I couldn’t come up with a bah-jillion more songs to quote, but I decided this year’s post would share some of my favorite memories, so you can make fun of me later for all my silly sappiness. I tried to keep them in chronological order, but I make no promises…except to him. 😉

During our college days I used to stay sober (-ish?) at parties so I could drive Dom home safely. This was back when he would only speak to me after he was well into his THIRD Bourbon-and-Coke of the evening. If he had driven himself, I’d drive past his house later – which was a whole forty-five minutes out of the way – before I went home on the other side of the river, just to make sure his car was safely in his dad’s driveway.

I memorized his license plate number in college. I remember it to this day. Every once in a while Stacey asks me to recite it and I fire it off like we’re still 21. She giggles when I do that.
(Yes, I stalked him. But I mean, you already knew that, right???)

In 1992 Dom sprained his ankle really badly in an intramural softball game – his leg bruised black all the way up to his knee. As he hobbled around on crutches for the next week, he asked me to carry his backpack to class for him. [Swoon] We got to the elevator just as the doors were about to shut, and I foolishly grabbed the metal of the door rather than the rubber pushy-thing that lets the door know not to close. It was just me against the machine, using all my brute strength to try to keep that damn door from closing and making me look like a complete fool (‘cause obviously I needed help looking stupid, right?) I just knew that door was going to close on my hand and I was going to be dead of mortal embarrassment before 9-1-1 ever arrived, but somehow, sheer dumb willpower forced it back open. I know I broke a sweat trying to look calm and cool while struggling with that elevator door. Dom just stood there, propped on his crutches, and smiled.

That same year I graciously (ahem!!!) suffered a “D” on a writing assignment in a Business Communications class we shared, all because I had helped Dom write his paper and the professor gave him a “B” while citing on my paper that it “Looks too much like Dominic’s.” Instead of protesting and risking Dom’s grade, I just decided that I didn’t like that professor very much.

In 1993 we were “officially” dating and had enrolled in an English course together. Turns out, this particular professor seemed to grade females easier. Back atcha, babe!!

As a teen and young adult I genuinely despised eating in front of other people. I think it stemmed from having braces on my teeth when I went on my first date and being afraid of ignorantly smiling lettuce at the guy for the rest of the night. At any rate, Dom knew I didn’t like eating in front of him when we began dating. I remember one night we were eating pizza, and the cheese on mine wouldn’t tear, so as I pulled the crust away a big slice of pepperoni swung down and stuck to my chin RIGHT AS DOM LOOKED AT ME. I probably turned three shades of red because he smiled and said, “Caught ya at a bad time, didn’t I?”

When we were registering for wedding china and stemware I chose a simple and understated Noritake stemware called Turning Point. I said it was because we had a turning point in our dating life. Later, we had a turning point in our married life, and I love him all the more for it. I now use that stemware almost daily (um, should I really admit that??) and it makes me smile to myself at its deeper meaning.

We spent the first three years of marriage cooped up in a little apartment, stepping over laundry and each other. And in that apartment we went to bed every night watching Apollo 13. Even now when our home is a wavering wreck of what-the-hell-happened-here? we will look at each other and one of us will recite, “I can’t deal with cleaning up. Let’s sell the house.”

Dom never expected me to be a good cook. But he used to frequently remind me of my pre-marriage promise to “cook meals ahead of time so he would have homemade lunches every day of the week.” Yeah. Like that happened! But he loved me anyway.

He never really wanted a dog, but he fell hard in love with Mason and, like me, suddenly couldn’t imagine life without that yellow furball.

When the kids came along, Dom was right there in the diaper bin with me, and he could warm a bottle like nobody’s business.

I gave him the “Amore Lighter” in college: a Zippo with an engraving that said – in Italian – “You have all my love forever.” Years later I got pissed because he wouldn’t stop smoking and I broke the Amore Lighter. (Welcome to my dark side, eh? It is not without its regrets…) This past Christmas Dom gave me an iPad: he duplicated the phrase – again in Italian – on the back of the device. And yes, I cried when I read it.

Dom knows how much I love dogs, especially those with floppy ears and super-sized paws, and he knows those features cheer me up rather quickly. On more than one occasion when I have been emotionally out-of-sorts, he has brought Mason to me – carrying the dog and placing ALL 80 POUNDS of him in my lap!

As Eucharistic Ministers at our church, we now wear robes during the Masses at which we are scheduled to serve. Our first “dressing out” was the night of the Easter Vigil this year. We had argued for almost that entire day – over little, stupid things – and I was tempted to not speak to him for the rest of the evening. As we stood in the church dressing room donning our robes, he glanced at himself in the mirror, looked over at me and said, “You actually look good in yours.”
“Is that your way of apologizing for all the crap today???” I asked.
“Yes. Does it count?”
It does. 🙂

Just last week at Aaron’s 5th Grade Graduation and Awards Ceremony a slideshow of photos from our son’s entire elementary experience was displayed with the opening line, “The Class of 2018.” That factoid caught me unprepared emotionally, and I began to cry! Dom turned to look at me, and I braced for The Look – you know, the one that says, “Omigosh-are-you-REALLY-going-to-cry-over-this?!” Without making eye contact I swiped at my eyes and said, “Shuddup!” But he wasn’t teasing at all, nor did he speak. He just leaned over and kissed me.

So I guess after fifteen years, he’s accustomed to my quirks by now. Here’s to Happily Ever After, sweetie. I love you more than life.

My friend Jessica shares a fine tradition on her blog by celebrating birthdays with tributes to her friends. My list-making left-brained self LOVES this idea! Dom and I celebrated our anniversary on June 1, and since I have spent my time reeling from what I’ve learned about product ingredients, I have not taken the time to pay special tribute to our 14th Anniversary. I’ll have to save most of my Why-I-Love-Dom items for his birthday tribute in October, so I have put a little twist on the traditional meme. For our anniversary, and before the month runs out, here is my list of 14 songs that explain how I feel about the man I love more than life.

1. To Each His Own (Al Martino) – the song of our first dance as Mr. & Mrs.“Two lips must insist on two more to be kissed, or they’ll never know what love can do. To each his own, I’ve found my own. My one and only you…”

2. Johnny and June (Heidi Newfield)“I wanna love like Johnny and June, rings of fire burning with you. I wanna walk the line, walk the line til the end of time. I wanna love, love you that much, cash it all in, give it all up…”

3. April Showers (Sugarland)“If I had one wish, I’d wish for two. One for me, baby and one for you. And it would find you right where you are, with time on your hands and hope in your heart. We both understand we were written in the stars…”

4. November Rain (Guns and Roses)“And when you take the time to lay it on the line I can rest my head just knowing that you are mine, all mine…”

5. I Love You Til the End (The Pogues)“I just want to be there when the morning light explodes on your face, it radiates, I can’t escape. I love you ’till the end…”

6. Cowboy Hat in Dallas (Charlie Daniels Band)“And there ain’t a cowboy hat in Dallas if I ain’t in love with you!”

7. If You Go (Vedera)“If you go, well I’m going with you – if you know, if you know me at all.”

8. Seat Next To You (Bon Jovi)“Baby, say that you’ll take me wherever you’re going to. Baby, I want you to save me a seat next to you…”

9. I Need You (Tim McGraw and Faith Hill)“’Cause I need you like a lighthouse on a coast, like the Father and the Son need the Holy Ghost…”

10. Passenger Seat (SheDaisy)“I look to my left, see his suntanned hands, his muddy-river hair and his thousand-acre plans. I’m all shook up like a quarter in a can. Ain’t life sweet in the passenger seat?”

11. Huckleberry (Toby Keith)“Baby I’ll be your Huckleberry, you don’t have to double dare me. If the world gets wild and scary count on me to be right there…”

12. You Took the Words Right Out of my Mouth (Meatloaf)“And then you took the words right out of my mouth. Oh, it must have been while you were kissing me…”

13. They All Laughed (Ella Fitzgerald)“They all said we never could be happy. They laughed at us and how! But ho, ho, ho! Who’s got the last laugh now?…”

14. The Very Thought of You (Billie Holiday)“I see your face in every flower, your eyes in the stars above. It’s just the thought of you, the very thought of you my love…”

15. Day Too Soon (Sia)“Yeah, I’ve been waiting all my life. You’re not a day, you’re not a day too soon…”