If you’re fat or bigger, what do you do if someone says there’s something wrong with you for being larger?

Cathy: Someone wrote in in response to a video that Ashley Man did together about being bigger and being sexual. And they said, your fatties need to recognize that you’re mentally ill. You over eat because there’s something about you that is twisted that needs fixing. No one’s saying what to eat until they disfigure themselves into land wheels, right? Get help. I’m sure psychiatric treatment is covered by most medical insurances and I want to reply to that.

Reid: Hater! This is a hater video.

Cathy: This is Reid Mihalko from http://ReidAboutSex.com/.

Reid: Cathy Vartuli from the http://TheIntimacyDojo.com/.

Cathy: People of any size and..

Reid: I mean, obviously, this person is a medical professional who is also has a PhD in psychiatric and psychological evaluation.

Cathy: If that was the case then realize that most of psychiatric treatment does not help with weight loss because if it did..

Reid: Because you’ve done the research?

Cathy: Yeah.

Reid: Yeah. Okay.

Cathy: Psychiatric treatment is covered by most medical insurance if you, well, some medical insurance, if you’re lucky enough to have medical insurance.

Reid: Do they have psychiatric treatment for being a meanie?

Cathy: Yeah, it’s probably covered.

Reid: Is douchebaggery covered by your insurance, my friend?

Cathy: I wanted to talk about this because I don’t think that people of different sizes are disfiguring themselves. And I also want to say that people of any size get to be sexual.

Reid: You don’t have to be sexual with them.

Cathy: Right. Exactly. There’s preferences and that’s fine but to tell other people that they’re mentally ill and that they shouldn’t have sex, shame them about it that’s not okay we don’t get to do that with everybody.

Reid: And for folks that has neurologically or who are neurologically diverse or have psychologically challenges for the most part they get to have sex, too. Like the world is a better place, generally speaking, when we’re not shaming folks and people have ways to feel empowered to experience more pleasure than less pleasure. And I just want to be responsible and take responsibility for being snarky at the beginning of this video. I’m just fascinated by why people continue to do this meany thing like haters are going to hate thing like what’s going on there?

Cathy: My personal thought is, when someone has super low self-esteem if they could find someone that society agrees and not as acceptable and then they lash out. It makes them feel better a little bit. So to me the people that lash out like that are usually have very low self-esteem and feeling really miserable about themselves. But I think it’s important to address that coz a lot of people upsize get comments like this. I’ve gotten them when I was in a dating site like you shouldn’t be on this dating site, no one would ever date you, and you don’t have to date me.

Reid: Why are you going to be wasting the type stokes my friend? You could be angry at a sport team or something.

Cathy: And it’s not to say that someone is a different size and therefore they’re mentally ill or actually there’s a lot of evidence that there some physical things that are going on but to say that they’re defective coz they have different size coz they more fat cells is just kind of weird.

Reid: Well, this is so fraud. But like I’m not going to even say it, it’s not a good comment. But like the arguments isn’t helping but then again some people leave meany comments and it does seem they’re just trying to express their, what their belief is. So let say, if I was going to be doing my due diligence that this person belief that after a certain point like there must be something wrong because somebody wouldn’t willingly choose to do x,y and z. Right? Which could be anything, we could look in the kink world, and we could even look to people who have worked 80 hours a week in a corporate America. This old be applied to anything.

Cathy: Well do that about, people want to date that one person.

Reid: Yeah, like shame and blame when I get it I want to honors people’s beliefs but the next step is I think well then everyone get to have a belief and if you’re going to share it online anonymously, how about being kind. Now this is different from tone policing. People who get to be angry tend to be angry, you get to have your feelings but how are you contributing to the conversation. Where’s the link to the research that you want to offer people to take a look at rather than just as hit and run hater thing which again delete but I think at the same time. I think it is amazing of you to speak to.

Cathy: I actually love to comment because I want to post this video beneath it because I think so many women, I know of many women, I’m sure there so many men as well whatever how we identified gender wise that have had comments like this. I think in last week model how we can hear it and respond to it they’re left with that hurt. I know years ago I stopped dating coz I got this comments and I wait less than I did now and I was like oh my God I’ve got three nasty comments in a week I must not be able to date and I didn’t date for many years after that. So I don’t want anyone to shut down their life because they’re “too” anything, too old, too young, too fat, too skinny, too bald whatever it is we’re amazing people just as we are. And we get to connect with other people that find us amazing. And having some people out there with really low self-esteem that feel that they should attack because that makes them feel better about themselves at least that’s my interpretation. Please realize there’s a lot of cheering you on and encouraging to find people that think you really amazing.