Gareth Malone to form Taliban Choir

In an attempt to end over 30 years of conflict in Afghanistan, posh choir master Gareth Malone is pulling together a community choir of ex-insurgents.

Malone has reportedly made contact with Taliban commanders in Helmand Province, to persuade fighters to swap Kalashnikovs for vestment cloths and conflict for harmonies. As Malone explained, ‘Everyone thinks that the situation in Afghanistan is hopeless, but we should try harnessing the healing power of group singing, and selling lots of albums.’

Gareth had hoped to release a Christmas charity single on the back of his endeavours, but locals have been strangely reluctant to get involved. ‘I’ve had no bother getting a few of the lads to gather around and bang out a Gregorian chant’, said Malone. ‘But there does seem to be a fair bit of resistance to the ‘Taliban Wives Choir’.’