What have I gotten myself into?

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I couldn’t sleep last night. Summer starts in September in San Francisco. With summer comes balmy 60 degree nights that result in restless tossing and turning. It could have been the weather, or the massive Musinex I took as I was going to bed. Just because they use the stuff to make Meth doesn’t mean it is the reason I was up all night.

Due to my lack of sleep, I was up in plenty of time to make it to the gym, run a quick mile, do 30 more minutes of circuit training and head into work. I even had time to blow out my hair! It was kind of amazing. I have to say the worst part of this isn’t going to the gym. I love exercise, I feel accomplished, and a bit hardcore when I am done, it’s the eating. I have the absolute WORST sweet tooth. The cupcake truck that parks down the street for lunch doesn’t help.

I find myself avoiding leaving the office because there are so many great places to eat in this city, and the snack closet is a bit too close to my desk for my liking. I know the first week or two of “eating healthy” is always the worst, I just need to power through.

I have not shared my project with anyone close to me, but it’s like they already know something is going on. This weekend I went out with my roommate and my best friend. Heads up- I live with a dude, not just a guy, a straight-as-an-arrow, sports-watching, trash-taking-out, dude. Back on topic here, Living with a guy is great, you never have to explain yourself, or talk about the awful blind date you went on, explain why you didn’t make it home last night, or care about any of the above… or so I thought.

Well, all of my illusions were shattered Friday night and 3 happy hour bars later when I went to visit the ladies room and left my best friend and my roomie alone at the bar. 5 minutes and a few beers later, and I find out he has been grilling my best friend about my apparent lack of a love/social life while I was gone. Seriously, how awkward is that?

I kind of flipped out a bit, mostly because my illusions of the drama-free coed roommate situation seemed to be blasted. He came back to the table before I could understand the exact context, but not before I could freak out. So, I guess this whole project was well planned, because even my roommate thinks it’s time for me to get my act together.

Any warm blooded, non-coupled American female of a certain age (like over 13) has asked herself this question.

Am I too fat? Is my hair too blonde? Am I too beautiful? Are my boobs too big? You get the picture. Her great girlfriends will always answer the way they are taught as children, “No! Of course not!”

Reality is, they are lying and you, Miss WhyAmISingle, are correct.

Whoa!
Whoa!

Please don’t click on Facebook just yet. Let me explain. You are correct in the assumption you are single because you need to come to terms with your insecurities. There are things about yourself that you need to change before you are ready to be in a relationship and yes, your hair might be too blonde.

Getting back to the real purpose we are here, me, let’s discuss why I am single. To keep things simple I have narrowed it down to three main reasons I am perpetually single:

1. I have gained some weight, okay, a good amount of weight, over the past ten years and I just can’t get comfortable. Can I still shop at normal stores and participate in physical activity? Yes, but for me and my comfort level, I’m too big.

2. I am scared of being hurt/ needing someone. Twice I have made epic life decisions based on relationships I was in and twice I was left alone and devastated.

3. I am afraid of happy ever after. I am afraid I’m going to meet Prince Charming, get married, have four kids and never climb Mt Kilimanjaro.

So in the next 107 days, I plan on addressing these issues head on, but first I’m going to have some cheese. But after that, I’m on this. I will be sharing my experiences and in theory, my self-discovery/improvement plan will net someone who wants to buy me a Christmas Present.