"I'm looking forward to Purge Season. Ahhh... the smell of fear, the sweat on the fore-heads, the glaring Klieg lights, the flowing tears, the begging pleas for mercy... I don't know about you, but it gives me goose bumps and a warm fuzzy feeling that my cold-blooded reptillian hypothalamus really enjoys, like a snake sunning itself on a warm, flat rock."

What is this "IF" SHIT ??????!Who is this Turdcutter?Why hasn't this person been summarily shot?Jeezus H. Christ, I take a couple of weeks off campaigning for true socialists, I come back to the Cube and some Goddamned insolents are using 2 letter words in FRONT OF MY NAME!

OK all you cubicle pubicals, let's get a little practice and a quick refresher in here:

There is no "if" conjunction in front of the name Hillary.Acceptable conjunctions in front of the name Hillary include "when" and "after".Example 1 - When Hillary becomes President (add your favorite socialist program here) etc.Example 2 - After Hillary becomes President (add your favorite socialist program here) etc.

Grease the Mark VII Kommissar Betty and sharpen that blade of justice!

The glorious People's First Kommiczaress' name will forever be upon lips of children for years to come! The kind spirit and gentle smiles of Auntie Hill wil always bring tears to eyes of proper party members, woe to the apparatchiks of capitalist pig-dogs who speak against her! I would make T-shirt, but perhaps it would be counter-revolutionary....

Union men and women do not run to other countries for anything. Bill your a big pussy. The government has to enact some sort of single payer health care soon. All the companies the union cajoled into paying massive benefit packages are going bankrupt. Whoops, did that ever backfire.

Hilary. You got to save our ass when you seize control. Sending another care package, marked urgent and confidential. All 20's as you suggested. That fuckwad Jefferson got his donation confiscated. Left it in coffe cans or some shit. Dumbass. Hope your better at squirreling this stuff away than he was. Tony Soprano kept his out in the shed in bags of grass seed or something. I'd suggest that, but them illegals you got tending the homestead may find it. (which reminds me, are they unionized?)

UB

Dearest UB,

Your kind, soft money free will donations, especially garnered from the membership against some of their will is appreciated. Just consider that silly "Beck vs. The CWA" Supreme Court ruling a minor nuisance and just give it lip service. I do have a Chinese Laundry service that you can use via Switzerland. Just contact the Lippo Group and ask for wiring instructions. This is so much easier than coffee cans.

Not only will abortion remain legal; it will become MANDATORY! The people will have spoken and the message will be clear, "No MORE people! (Unless they have recieved special rights under Act 12: 31a in the "Special People's Action for the Betterment of the ACLU".)

The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent, by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other - until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand

Ex-president Obama declares Irma "Hurricane of Peace," urges not to jump to conclusions and succumb to stormophobia

CNN: Trump reverses Obama's executive order banning hurricanes

ISIS claims responsibility for a total solar eclipse over the lands of American crusaders and nonbelievers

When asked if they could point to North Korea on a map many college students didn't know what a map was

CNN: We must bring America into the 21st century by replacing the 18th century Constitution with 19th century poetry

Pelosi: 'We have to impeach the president in order to find out what we impeached him for'

BREAKING: As of Saturday July 8, 2017, all of Earth's ecosystems have shut down as per Prince Charles's super scientific pronouncement made 96 months ago. Everything is dead. All is lost. Life on Earth is no more.

DNC to pick new election slogan out of four finalists: 'Give us more government or everyone dies,' 'Vote for Democrats or everyone dies,' 'Impeach Trump or everyone dies,' 'Stop the fearmongering or everyone dies'

Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth to Power" is humanity's last chance to save the Earth before it ends five years ago

Experts: The more we embrace diversity the more everything is the same

Study: Many non-voters still undecided on how they're not going to vote

The Evolution of Dissent: on November 8th the nation is to decide whether dissent will stop being racist and become sexist - or it will once again be patriotic as it was for 8 years under George W. Bush

Venezuela solves starvation problem by making it mandatory to buy food

China launches cube-shaped space object with a message to aliens: "The inhabitants of Earth will steal your intellectual property, copy it, manufacture it in sweatshops with slave labor, and sell it back to you at ridiculously low prices"

Progressive scientists: Truth is a variable deduced by subtracting 'what is' from 'what ought to be'

Experts agree: Hillary Clinton best candidate to lessen percentage of Americans in top 1%

America's attempts at peace talks with the White House continue to be met with lies, stalling tactics, and bad faith

Starbucks new policy to talk race with customers prompts new hashtag #DontHoldUpTheLine

Hillary: DELETE is the new RESET

Charlie Hebdo receives Islamophobe 2015 award; the cartoonists could not be reached for comment due to their inexplicable, illogical deaths

Russia sends 'reset' button back to Hillary: 'You need it now more than we do'

Barack Obama finds out from CNN that Hillary Clinton spent four years being his Secretary of State

President Obama honors Leonard Nimoy by taking selfie in front of Starship Enterprise