10 Things Black People Like More Than Donald Trump

Since getting into the presidential race last summer, Donald Trump has maintained he will do “great” with African American voters. In spite of being sued by the federal government for discriminating against Black renters, claiming he doesn’t understand the phrase, “Black Lives Matter,” and telling crowds to “look at my African American. Isn’t he great?” Trump has continuously insisted he will somehow win over Black voters.

But according to a recent survey by the Washington Post and ABC, the presumptive Republican nominee is extremely unpopular with Black Americans. In fact, while 70 percent of all voters have an unfavorable view of the real estate magnate, a whopping 94 percent of Black voters are not feeling Trump.

In other words, Trump’s popularity with Black folks falls somewhere between the man who killed Cochise in Cooley High and Massa Tom Lea in Roots.

And while there are a few Black people who are rolling with Trump—Herman Cain, Stacey Dash, and Ben Carson, to name a few—there’s a long list of people and things who are more popular than Trump among Black Americans.

Not a day goes by that someone, somewhere doesn’t trot out Jordan’s tear-stained face. We’ve seen it pop up after NBA games, during political debates, and even for world events. Trump wishes he was as “yuge” as MJ’s face right now.

PETA

Make no mistake about it, most Black people are not here for PETA’s brand of advocacy. While their commitment to animal rights may be admirable, they’ve been called out for their methods on more than one account. PETA continues to compare eating meat and keeping animals in zoos to the plight of enslaved Black folks, and still, they manage to win support from people like Russell Simmons, Taraji P. Henson, and Nia Long—who’ve all posed for ad campaigns. Trump can't say the same.

Listen, we know Mary’s dancing reminds us of that one time our favorite auntie got a little too loose on the brown liquor, but we love it. And though folks continue to claim they want Mary to finally give up the “Mary bop” for something a little newer (and calmer), most Black folks would gladly make MJB’s signature moves our national dance if it meant keeping Trump out of the white house.

Having our hair touched by strangers

this black lady is having an "exhibit" today in NY where you can touch her hair…is it just me, or is this weird? http://t.co/m1EOWz2jsm

Don’t get it twisted, Black folks DO NOT like to petted like show dogs. But many of us would gladly let somebody’s old Jim Crow-era granny palm our kinky mane if it meant Trump, and his wall, stayed away from the nuclear codes.

Sisqo’s “The Thong Song”

When asked if they ever cut a jig to this joint, folks might try to act brand new. But Sisqo’s 1999 ode to an under appreciated undergarment will still turn a party OUT. If Trump really wants to reach out to Black voters he should find Sisqo and have him perform “the Thong Song” at the GOP convention. Of course, it probably won’t get folks to vote for him in November, but the Grand Old Party will be LIT!

Denzel Washington has always been fine. But when he showed up at a boxing match looking less like, well, DENZEL, and more like somebody’s ol’ uncle, the memes were born. Despite Denzel’s track suit and crazy mustache that night, they’re still more popular among Black folks than the Donald.

Bonus points if you can fit Crying Jordan and Uncle Denzel in the same meme.

During the height of the #BlackLivesMatter movement last summer, another, counter-productive hashtag emerged. And while most Black folks look at the “All Lives Matter” crowd like Celie looked at Mista in the Color Purple, a few us still dislike the #AllLivesMatter folks a tiny bit less than Trump.

Living Single's Final Episode

For five years, the ladies of Living Single kept us laughing. Their ups and down, friendship, and wit set the stage for hits like Girlfriends and Sex & the City. While Kadijah, Max, Sinclare, and Regine were the best, they never got a proper send off. The show came to an abrupt end in 1998 with a rushed finale that saw Kyle’s return from London, a baby for Max, and Scooter finally getting his ish together for Kadijah. While I hated the ending (probably because I didn’t want the show to end), Black folks still love Overton's home-spun wisdom way more than Trump’s political ramblings.

Soul Plane

Soul Plane was so bad it was turrible. But despite its coonery and foolery, most of us would watch it on repeat instead of listen to Donald Trump make disparaging remarks about women, Muslims, and people of color for the next four years.

Randy Watson & Sexual Chocolate

Randy Watson's singing may have been “good and terrible,” but I think most Black folks agree his showmanship, fashion sense, and slightly overly-moisturized Jheri Curl put him light years ahead than Trump.

As the election nears, it remains to be seen if Trump can win over a large segment of Black voters. But from the looks of the recent polling data, he has a lot of work to do.

Britni Danielle is the Senior Digital Editor of EBONY.com. Catch her tweeting, @BritniDWrites.