Whoa! Another AMAZING Clickbait Spoilers Column Just Blew My Mind

In my first Clickbait Spoilers column, I wrote about how irritated I am that our Facebook feeds are now full of clickbait headlines — tantalizing teasers that often lead to underwhelming stories. When you fall for it, you feel used. You feel cheated. You feel like a sucker.

I decided to fight back by writing up some clickbait-headline spoilers. If a headline says, “You won’t believe what happens next,” I’m going to darned well tell you, saving you the trouble of clicking through and being disappointed.

The first column triggered a huge response of support and many requests to continue the tradition. Today, then, I offer this week’s assortment of Pogue’s Clickbait Spoilers!

Clickbait: How I Got Kicked Out Of The 9/11 MuseumSpoiler: A reporter is asked to leave the 9/11 museum after witnessing a minor verbal altercation and trying to ask one of the participants a question. The museum’s guidelines prohibit reporters from interviewing people, so museum patrons can ponder and grieve in peace. Reporter feels victimized.

Clickbait: How to Tell Someone’s Age When All You Know Is Her NameSpoiler: Does this story by famous baseball and political statistician Nate Silver actually reveal how to tell how old someone is with only a name? No. It just points out that baby names cycle in and out of popularity. Someone named Mildred or Ethel is probably old, and someone named Madison or Hailey is probably young.

Clickbait: This Invention Will Change The World, Just WatchSpoiler: No, it won’t. An Idaho couple proposes replacing pavement (roads, highways, parking lots) with solar panels. An exciting idea, but hopelessly impractical. Even if we had the money to build vast acreage of solar panels, roads aren’t the best place for them; they’ll be driven on by trucks! Also, driving on glass might present traction issues.

As always my message is this: If you have to resort to trickery to get people to read your article, then something is wrong with either your material or your approach. If the story is really good, you should be capable of writing a clear headline and trusting that readers will click.