What Karl Says and What Karl Means

We’re all a little hung-over from last night’s Vancouver Smut Soiree. I’m hanging onto my blowout for dear life. But it was fun, so fun! Lainey’s blind item reveals are my favourite—Dan Levy was so scandalized, I hope he recovered.

It’s Friday, so let’s take a moment to enjoy Karl’s b-tch-beating fan.

Drew Barrymore’s Chanel wedding dress is becoming a story of its own. Chanel’s not a standard choice for celebrity brides (Vera Wang, Marchesa or Monique Lhuillier are standbys) so it’s a big deal, fashion-wise. I don’t know if Chanel makes “wedding dresses” per se, but they definitely service their couture clients and many of the resort runway pieces can be worn as a wedding dress.

And it’s not just Drew’s celebrity that got Kaiser Karl to custom make it for her; Will Kopelman’s father was President of Chanel America, so Karl has known Will since he was a child. How terrifying would Karl Lagerfeld be to a kid? Seriously, imagine that white ponytail and trout pout across the table from you at Thanksgiving dinner, eyeballing your serving of mashed potatoes. But maybe Karl was more fun when he was fat? You remember fat Karl don’t you? I’ve attached a photo to refresh your memory.

People (via InStyle) has the photos and Lagerfeld’s official quotes:

“I think she looked beautiful and it fit her strong personality,” Lagerfeld told InStyle.com of the dress this week. Barrymore customized her gown — which featured a skirt embroidered with tulle flowers and feathers — with a black satin belt. “She wanted that,” Lagerfeld added. “I loved it. I love her.” (Source)

But at Chanel’s Little Black Jacket Exhibit, Karl just couldn’t tame his b-tch, thank god. This is still nice, by Karl standards, but let’s examine the subtext.

"[There was] only so much we could do. (But) for someone who is pregnant, she looked perfect." (Source)

Imagine you tried on a custom-made wedding dress and the seamstress stepped back, took a long hard look and said, “This is the best I could do for you.” And that person is Karl Lagerfeld. Do you think he hissed every time he had to let out the dress around her belly? That he yelled, “More fabric,” at his poor assistants while Drew stood there in her bra and underwear? Do you think behind her back he’s secretly pissed his creation was upstaged by a bump? Let’s say yes, yes and yes.

The dress is so pretty, no? It’s elegant and detailed and very unique. Love how she paired it with a black blazer at night. Let this be the trend this summer. (And please, say no to feathers.)