My knees are burning. My back is cramping. Tears stream down my cheeks in frustration. All I want to do is dance again. To move. To feel alive.

Wall of blank.

Exhaustion rises up, fog descends.

My mantra: I am lucky. This is temporary. This too shall pass.

I don’t believe it.

My body tells me that all there is is Now. Now is all. It might be correct.

I curl up on the floor. Empty.

I catch my breath. Numb.

Noticing, with strange detachment, that the world has become distant. That I’ve been a quiet automaton for hours, days… perhaps longer.

I breathe myself back into my body. Back into my feet. Back into the burning, aching flesh.

At least I feel alive.

I notice. Even restrained, even with the limits of movement, even with the fog and frustration, Here and Now, if I can keep my self in my belly, in my feet, in my hands, in my flesh… I can breathe and expand. The deeper into the flesh I go, the deeper into the magic. The deeper into the world I sink, the more I can expand, the more I am aware of. Oh it hurts, yes, but with each breath is life. With each prickly of goosebumps the wild spirits brush my skin with fingertips, tentacles, lips dripping in nectar.

The more present I am, the more present I am with Them. The gods stand behind me, the ancestors whisper in my ear, the spirits draw near. I can feel my edges, raise my shields, let down my hair, call out the cry of a Witch in the night.

The deeper into my body I can stay, when all my instincts are to flee, to float into painless disconnection, the closer the magic is.

Her and Now. Here and Now at the crossroads of every moment. Here and Now is where the web of Wyrd is woven, where the Power lies.

I am lucky, this too shall pass, this too shall return to the Fertile Darkness from whence it came, I am lucky, there are lessons here, if I can just stop running, just be Here and Now.

In my tradition (as with many) we have the goal of getting back to our true selves, and we consider this to be a state of being natural to children and animals (though please note that this includes connection, compassion, and the ability to use tools we’ve learnt whilst growing up, like kindness and empathy!). This weekend in Glastonbury, I went to the Occult Conference run by the Visible College, and its theme was practice, with an emphasis on embodiment. The workshop I attended, “Flesh of the World”* was run by Alkistis Dimech (of Scarlet Imprint) and focused on the feet; the feet as our contact with the world, our feet as focal points of our awareness, our feet as magical creatures in their own right (metaphorically), our feet as the foundation of our being in the world.

We learnt how to walk.

And I was struck by how often practical magical workshops are about learning to do things we thought we learned in childhood – walking, vocalising, breathing, standing. So much of our lives and culture encourages us to disconnect from our bodies, our selves, our natures, to live in ways which are destructive to our health, to cut ourselves off from the core of us which is embodied. As a result we need to undo harmful habits and relearn how to do even basic things, in order to fully embody and express our core-self.

This weekend I attended a workshop where we just walked, until walking became a dance and the dance became a magical act. And it was still “just” walking.

Thoughts fell away.

Awareness expanded.

I felt myself fill with song that longed to spill from my heart into the world.

By simply walking I was reminded that through following our feet, placed with deliberation upon the flesh of the world, we can return to the state of innocence, of pure, fey, self which the divine child embodies.

*And yes, this is a reference to phenomenological writings by Merleau-Ponty and others, which made me VERY gleeful!

Goblin Circus at Ceithofest, the Steampunk Extraordinarium, a friend’s daughter’s birthday party, a Wellbeing Day in Porthcawl, & Wyrd and Wonderful Fest

Plus a trip to Druid camp, my 31st Birthday (and thus an Unbirthday party) and our second wedding anniversary, a visit from Mother, socialising, working the day job… and AT LEAST a day’s worth of preparation for each and EVERY event or class!!!

Shall we take a day off Maurice? Nah, I agree, rest is for the sleepy and I’m not tired at all… What do you mean I haven’t stopped yawning today?!

Busy summer, right? I’m flagging now though, and finally learning to make space

without resenting my limitations.

This week I’d booked off work to go adventuring. Whether touring living rooms with the Goblin Circus or visiting Edinburgh Festival or whatever, I knew I wanted to be out enjoying the last of the summer season. As August began and I looked at the weeks ahead however, I did something important. I checked in with myself.

I love writing! I should do more of it.

And myself reminded me that I also needed to rest and wanted to write.

Writing, whether for the thesis or creatively always takes a chunk of time for me. All the excitement and inspiration from my travels needs a little space to catch up and brew.

I was then invited to another event for this period. I realised my other plans had fallen through or not materialised and I could finally get to this event I’d wanted to go to for ages, and be both useful and inspired… and I declined. For once, I’m not regretting it. I’m not feeling like I’m missing out, I feel, instead, like I have space to create.

And yes, I’m still a true believer in the Cult of Busy (“Better busy than bored!” is a favourite saying of mine!) I love the thrill, the excitement, the stimulation… but perhaps, just for a week, I’ll sit on my garden steps with my blossoming roses and be a heretic as well.

Now, who’s for a cuppa?

There are still THIS many things I want to do!!! But one step at a time.

In my heart of hearts, I’m a philosopher, which means that I like to have thought through logically the reasons behind my beliefs. (This is sometimes like opening Pandora’s box… so here’s a disclaimer; these are my beliefs and thoughts, so I don’t expect everyone to agree with me by any means, I’m not out to convince anyone! I do find it interesting to hear why people think and say what they do though, so let’s have a discussion!)

In my last post I talk about pondering Faery Theology (there has to be a better word for this… any ideas?) so, by way of preliminary thoughts, here is an extract from chapter 3 of my book “Pagan Portals; Your Faery Magic” wherein I ponder the nature of faeries (as I see them) and the value of working with them.

If we look at the stories of Faeries, all the myths and legends, we see a common theme; they are all very strongly connected to, or embodying, nature. They are not, however, merely the plants or trees or forces they embody, they are beings that are inherently magical, beyond limits. Faeries are natural magic and, as part of nature ourselves, the magic within us is fey.

Humans are lured into Faeryland by beauty. Beautiful music, beautiful visions, beautiful food. And this beauty, once we return to earth, we pine for. So Faeryland is that place within the world, and ourselves as part of nature, in which the sense of magic, wonder and beauty lies, the natural core of our being. The heart of the world we reach through connecting to our Faery Heart.

If our hearts, at their untamed core, are places of beauty and magic, then following the call to Faeryland will open our hearts again to the beauty of the world. If we learn to touch the fey parts of ourselves then we can move through our lives open to the beauty that surrounds us and so we can reconnect to the natural world, with the other beings on the Earth as our brothers and sisters and kin.

…

And, of course, we recall the other parts of the stories of the fae…the wilder parts…the dangerous parts… They are untamed and not human and so their ethics are a little less strict than ours tend to be. In our heart we are natural beings, just like them; we have learnt really wonderful human skills, such as compassion and language, but in our search for order we have tried to tame our essential Selves and instead we have locked them away. These parts of ourselves hurt, so each day we die a little inside.

Here we choose to walk down a path that will lead us back to the parts within us that hold who we truly are. We seek all our parts, those that are good at communication, at compassion, and those that are good at standing up for us and being free. We do not have to give up the gifts of humanity in order to find our Faery Hearts and heal our lives, we can free ourselves of those things that do not serve us, release those things that hold us back and fly, carrying both gifts of humanity and gifts of Faery. We can choose to be both human and wild. That is what it means to be fey.

Fey means free. Free of the locks we’ve used to keep ourselves acceptable and free to choose to move in compassion and beauty. Fey means to be free to be our real Selves, to live our lives without unhealthy compromises, to dance to Faery music so we are filled with love and joy and deep feelings of connection even in a business meeting or on a busy, grimy underground train.

Fey means so full of shiny, happy, beauty, that you cannot help but share it.

Faeries are the conscious manifestation of the wild magic of the natural world. At our untamed core we are also part of the world, so part of our heart belongs to the realm of Faery… in which case, those of us that find our hearts singing with that wild magic? We are Fey. And when we allow ourselves to express that magic in ourselves we feel happy and we can share that happiness with the world.

It is always important in the stories to be respectful and to cultivate a good relationship with our “Good Neighbours” with whom we share a kinship, and the stories are where we first learn how to approach this people. In the same way we must learn to respect the wild world around us, to take only what we need and not deplete the land and her resources.

Growing up I was taught that the trees are conscious and aware. I was taught that the plants have feelings which deserve to be respected. I was taught that non-human animals are people just as we are. I learnt that the world around me was alive and the spirits dwell within everything. I have to eat to survive, but that doesn’t mean I don’t need to say thank you.

We are given masks to wear in our lives, but I have seen that we are much happier when we learn who we are under the masks and choose which masks to use and which to discard… and when to cast them off entirely and dance under the starlight with our friendly cousins.*

*And it’s good to know which cousins bite, or don’t want to dance with you! You might swim in a river you know well, or cuddle your childhood canine-friend but you wouldn’t swim in a storm-tossed sea, or pick up a wild-wolf-cub with mamma wolf about to pounce, now would you? The Fae are the spirits of the wild, with all that entails.

I’ve written before about how much the Tribal Belly dancing means to me… and it continues to be a source of strength and joy.

At the Winter Solstice we danced for the Cellan Beer Festival, and then last weekend was a Hafla (a belly dance party) in Cardigan run by local dancers. It was so nice to see the other groups dancing and experience the atmosphere of a supportive dance party. One lady did her very first solo, to very summery music, with the happiest expression!

One of the things that has come home to me about dancing ATS(r) with Tribal Unity is how much of a group activity it is. We are all working together, all supporting each other. It is not a solo performance, we thrive when we dance in tune with each other. I’ve never really felt at home in all female groups, but there is something about this dance (and the people in our little family) that breaks down the competitiveness that I’ve seen elsewhere and encourages mutual support. We all look out for each other and are thinking of each other when we dance.

The Hafla was a couple of firsts for me, as well as for the group. It was the first time we’d performed to live drums and the first time I’d led in public. It was the first fast duet I’d done (and it was VERY fast) and our first hafla. Watching over the videos I can see how much we’ve improved since last summer, how much more in tune with each other we are, and how much we all enjoy it! You can also very definitely see how happy I am dancing.

I’d like to share something I’m very excited about right now and the story of how I’ve found myself shimmying round my day-job-shop when customers aren’t looking!

I’ve always known that I wanted to dance, but could never find the right style.

As a child I tried tap dancing, in my teens I attempted a contemporary dance class – which I mostly remember as running from wall to wall, over and over, never quite got where that was going – throughout my life I’ve read Gabrielle Roth’s books over and over. I tried salsa, which I couldn’t get my feet round… In fact, the only thing that worked for me was whilst at uni when I would go out, step onto the dance floor as soon as the doors opened and only leave to down a pint of water before returning to the dance for as long as the music played.

Until now. Last spring I had five weeks of tribal belly dance classes in the Black Sheep style. The teacher, Lyza, became a friend of mine through connecting afterwards to share dancing. At that point I suspected it would be another phase. A subject I would be excited about for a month or two and then would fade into the background. A few core things have stuck with me long-term but many many other passions come and go. I was secretly certain this might be one of those…

But that excitement didn’t go away. I researched the histories of belly dance. I practised what little I’d learnt under my own steam. I kept hoping to return…

And then Wendy launched an ATS(r) class in March and I couldn’t go! It clashed with the teaching course I was on and the seminars I ran. I looked at it every week, waiting for the course to finish so I could join in. In June, finally, I walked through that door and into a new tribe, Tribal Unity Wales.

I dash to class each Tuesday with joy in my heart. No other hobby has ever had me this excited. Just two months of dancing with Tribal Unity and I managed a fortnight camping and trekking round Amsterdam, bookended by two 16 hour coach journeys, without back pain. (It was our honeymoon, and yes, it was fab!)

And it has so many layers! There is crafting and aesthetics for costuming, researching history, learning new steps, the challenge of getting to grips with them, constant opportunities for improvement, performance, the endorphins of exercise, music, self-expression, the flow of energy, stories, community and friendship, shows to watch, events to explore, cultures to investigate… and there are many different styles to learn about (and perhaps learn one day).

With so much to play with it is no wonder I’ve found myself thinking about it almost constantly!

This Friday we performed at Lampeter’s World Dance festival. I made so many mistakes, almost fell over with soft shoes on a slippery floor, missed cues, got confused… and yet could not stop grinning. I loved it. Dancing with these lovely ladies, sharing something that has brought me so much delight and returned my strength, and challenging myself to improve all combined to fill me with delight. Tribal style belly dance has utterly enchanted me and I feel like I’ve come home.

Friday’s performance, my first time dancing in public:

The moral of this story? Keep looking, keep trying, keep putting that desire out there even when you don’t know exactly what it is you want. Eventually the Universe will bring you to precisely where you need to be. And even if you make mistakes and feel like it is all going wrong, it is still beautiful and the world doesn’t end! It is preparing you for what is to come next…

This summer I moved house, got married and turned 29. Before this I presented my first aesthetics paper in a conference outside of my home-uni, in Hungary no less, had two philosophy pieces accepted for publication, three pieces of pagan related writing accepted for anthologies, and sold some art.

It’s been an exciting year. Re-enchantment really works!

Given that it’s my last year as a twenty-something I’ve decided to celebrate by setting myself some big challenges (because I enjoy making things happen) and attempting to match this year for excitement (which may be a tall order!) and I know they’re more likely to happen if I hold myself accountable, so…

Goals before I turn 30:

Publish 3 more pieces of philosophical writing

Finish the bulk of my PhD first draft (that’s about 50,000 words to write)

My plan to succeed? To combine projects. I’ve applied to perform animal stories at a local event where they would also exhibit some artworks. The Healing Hearts project will come with both stories to perform and art to exhibit, and writing my thesis leads to philosophical diversions which can be submitted for publication. And hopefully I can find places to perform, speak or present philosophy that I’ve never been to before. The guitar learning is just for fun 😉

So, who would like to exhibit some beautiful deity artworks? Who would like to host a storytelling evening? And who wants to hire me to talk to your group about faeries, enchantment and making life magic? Or do you know someone else who might want to host my work?

And who wants to share their goals? Who has a big dream (or three) for the next year and would like their declaration of intent witnessed? Comment below!

Not so long ago a parcel arrived in the post. It was addressed to A World Enchanted. I was so excited! I spent months putting together a deck of Oracle cards and for almost a year I’ve been using one I printed myself… now I have a professionally printed deck and three to sell!

The Completed Deck!

I’m really proud of my work and the printed cards are beautiful. It works perfectly for uncovering what is in your heart and the heart of the world and the simple readings I did for others were very well received.

And somehow I’ve completely avoided posting about them here. I haven’t put the 3 decks I have for sale in my shop, I haven’t told you about them properly, I haven’t done anything with them beyond using them for myself.

Why?

Despite how it may appear, I struggle with being visible. I struggle with putting my work out there and allowing it to be seen. I struggle with completing projects and releasing them into the world. Artworks contain such a part of the artist’s spirit that an entire deck of my art makes me very visible and so, sharing them, I feel very vulnerable.

This New Year I am considering ‘Wholeness’ as my word for 2013. A word that includes the concept of completion and of being whole in myself. A word that speaks of safety, strength and holiness. Sacred Completion. A guiding light to help me overcome this block and share more beauty with you.

And today I am posting my Oracle Decks in my shop. There is more to do to complete this project than put the information up, however. I need to spread the word. I need to share this beauty, be seen, be known. So here I write and contemplate where to share with others what I have done!

An Enchantress is… One who enchants;
One who brings beauty, healing and delight to those around her.

One who works magic of the Fae.
One who brings beauty to the world.
One who causes change.

This week I’m looking at what it means that an Enchantress causes change and how that relates to healing. And Circe makes an appearance!

***

Circe
Tranforms
men into beasts
What she sees
their true nature
revealed.
Circe,
Do you know
How their time
Spent four-legged
Healed them
Once returned?

One of the most notable enchantresses in mythology named as such is Circe. She lived upon an island and had the power to transform humans into the animals they appeared to be. You could understand this as her revealing their true nature. Perhaps the men who she changed into pigs couldn’t see how greedy they were being when they tried to steal her treasure. You can guarantee that they understood this after their time with four legs!

Everything is change, constant change. If a key activity of enchantment is the creation of beauty then creating more beauty will include healing as healing is change that leads to wholeness and greater understanding.

An enchantress then heals by causing change. By sharing beauty and joy, by creating glamourie and mirroring those around her and through direct methods of healing she creates space for change and helps others to change themselves.

An Enchantress is… One who enchants;
One who brings beauty, healing and delight to those around her.

One who works magic of the Fae.
One who brings beauty to the world.
One who causes change.

Last post I considered what working the magic of the Fae might mean, here we look at beauty.

Beauty is generally considered to be subjective. It is an aesthetic principle of what is pleasing to the senses. As such, when this is the goal of the Enchantress, She will strive to make the world more sensually pleasant to exist within. This doesn’t mean avoiding the unpleasant however, it means engaging with what needs to be done to create beauty in the long term.

One implication of enchantment for beauty is the use of illusion, of Glamourie. If we make the world more beautiful we could use illusion to do so. Here, then, is a question of ethics to be addressed here; how ethical is it to use illusion and can this help heal others? Aside from this, a fundamental position to take when working with the Fae is utter honesty in order to foster trust within yourself and with the spirits. We could use Glamourie to create the illusion that something is worth more than it is, as in the fairy tales of leaves enchanted to look like gold, and thus trick others into getting the rough end of the deal. This doesn’t help in the long term however as one’s relationships are what helps one through life and if you screw over your neighbour today they won’t help you tomorrow!

So how can illusion and honesty go hand in hand?

A glamour can be used to present oneself in a positive light – just as when you wear a suit for a job interview which you could fulfil, this doesn’t show who you are but it does allow you to get the position from which you can do the job well.

Illusions can be used to guide folk to realisations, to illuminate the truth and reflect back their realities. Just as when a painting inspires it’s audience to re-evaluate their world, an illusion can help someone to rethink their perceptions. A good costume, for example, can act as an illusion and can, at the very least, make folk smile.

Ultimately, however, the Fae are considered to be illusions by many in our world. In dealing with them and their stories and imageries we are creating what would be considered to be an illusion in order to illuminate the greater truth; that all is connected, the world is alive and magic is real.