White
Light /White Heat crackles down the hall; the sounds of the Velvet Underground
score my arrival.
And then my mother, acting like a mother, but not really, violently
whispers Cry cry cry god damn you!
And then my father, pretending to be a father, but not very well, pinches
that newborn skin and growls Act like a childs supposed
to damn it!
Its on the screen, recorded on the tapes, hidden in the archives,
repeated in the re-runs. Not a natural birth, mine was a historical
event. I was born on cue.
Tune into the Shimmering Light new season premier special event as Roslyn
Nightly and Harry Jordan of the worlds most popular soap opera
Shimmering Light have their first child live on camera. Drama and reality
meet as the worlds newest daytime television star is born. Dont
miss it!

Now theres just me. Me watching an out-of-focus me on the television
screen fascinated by an out-of-focus me on the studio monitor. Bewildered.
An indistinguishable face under studio lights disturbing the world with
blurred ambivalence. The Velvet Underground crackled down the hall.
White light go on messing up my mind. I felt the engine grunt of acted
laughterbomb whistle sighswave crash breathspower
drill snifflesthe chainsaw roar of cheers of acted joy. Then the
sear of silence.
Don't you know it's gonna make me go blind? New eyes reflected white
maskswhite cardboard wallswhite actors in white coatswhite
stressed producer hairwhite burning under white fluorescent back-lot
lights.

White light move in me and drain. A blood rush to the head. An ejaculation
to the ears. A panic of fever flushed with anaemia. And now, now, thirty
years later now when legs, eyes, and muscles, weakenflickercollapse,
its like White Light/White Heat rushing out of control.
White heat, it tickles me down to my toes. Alone. Lost in a reconstruction
of a glimpse of a world made up of sets, scripts, story boards, and
screens and I escaped being rushed from the studio, hooked up to
an incubator, and splashed in living colour on front pages for two days.

White light is lighting up my eyes. Don't you know it fills me up with
surprise? The doctors gave my parents the news on camera. My sickness
was reported on every six oclock news program.
He may have severe narcolepsy  we cant be certain at this
stage  the symptoms may subside, but there is a strong possibility
that they will persevere with maturity  its unclear. If
it is narcolepsy it may be caused by an over-stimulus of emotion 
which may or may not result in narcoleptic seizures that incur nightmarish
hypnagogic hallucinations where the notion of reality in the patient
may become  blurred.
My character never returned. Narcolepsy. The newborn star was sent to
live with an aunt in the country. Theyd never forgive me for destroying
their world.