A funny thing happened after I posted those Creepy dolls a while back; people started to think of me when they encountered anything creepy doll-related. It's so flattering. I think. Maybe. Maybe not. Anyway, since people were kind enough to take time out of their day to send me nightmares, I figured I would be caring enough to share the love. I do, after all, care about you. And you. And you. And, yes, even you cowering in the corner. You will need to open your eyes. Thanks.

First there was a link to a video explaining the "other" side of the story forwarded by Oraeley. Beware of that video, though, because it can lead to hours of appalling YouTube video viewing. There is just SOOOO much freaky to behold.

Later there there were numerous people who sent me the story about how police smashed a window to "rescue" a reborn doll when it was mistaken for a real kid. I have to admit, I nearly fell out of my chair laughing at the story.

Then there was the story Pam sent me about edible dolls made out of marzipan. Check 'em out, they are tiny and certainly not appetizing in appearance.

Creepy? Yes. Edible? No. It turned out that part of the email forward was a hoax. Thank goodness.

You know, I've always dreamed of eating a chocolate baby head. That cake is so (NOT) going to be my next birthday cake.

All those emails/tweets/messages got me to thinking. I realized that I hadn't noticed any action going on with the creator of my favorite dolls. I checked out ebay and discovered that the seller had closed up shop. Never one to be deterred, I turned to Google and asked him where or where she had gone.

At first Mr. Google was all HEY! RICHARD SIMMONS HAS DOLLS! And I was all, huh? What? It turns out that Richard Simmons does indeed have a doll line. So I asked self, "Self, whatever in the world is he doing with a doll line?" Self replied, "Self, take a look at one of those dolls. Obviously, he's making them so that people will end up too freaked out to eat."

Tell me that thing doesn't look exactly like Richard Simmons in drag. I guarantee that if you still that thing in your fridge, you'll lose ten pounds in a week.

Since you won't be eating them anyways, you can always use apples to make some dolls. No, really. People use dried apples to make doll heads. See:

The do get cuter when you put the heads on some sort of body.

Or not.

The problem with the apple head dolls is that they just aren't realistic enough. This is a little more like it.

Actually, I take it back. That one is not realistic enough. THIS one is the realistic, um, queen? Princess?

Um, yeah. I really, really, really, really don't want to know who or what buys life-size excessively realistic dolls. Oh, and your welcome that I censored the image. The original? Will burn your retinas.

After a VERY brief venture into Googling realistic dolls in search of my favorite creator, I came across some not realistic but still creepy images.

Dolls should have faces. Not like the apples up there, but they should have faces. Please and thank you.

How about this face?

Ha! I just heard you jump out of your chair! That doll is intentionally creepy. The lady who makes them obviously has an interesting sense of humor. I think we could be friends.

After that foray into my next Halloween project, I found her. Yes, I found my favorite reborn doll creator. She was hiding in plain sight once I correctly remembered her name. The good news is that she's been busy lately. The bad news is that she is now charging $700 per doll. I guess I'll never get to have this precious widdle baby:

I'm sad, because really, she's fantastic. Oh, the fun I could have pushing her around in a stroller and letting the Toddler drag her by a leg . . . It's a shame. Really. I mean, look at her! Realistic veining! Realistic hair! Realistic crabby face!

You know, it would probably be worth the $700 cost of the creepy doll, and the cost of the court fees you'd end up paying, but you really should buy it, let the Toddler drag it around (preferrably in public, near a street full of old ladies) and take pictures.

I'm not sure I can even comment. You may have actually struck me speechless.

Although I will bookmark this bitch to have on hand the next time Justin gives me any lip about cleaning the litterbox or taking out the trash. I'll be all "uh, what did you saaaaay???" as I pull this thing up, "are you listeniiiiinnng?", then start turning the laptop to face him, "do I have to show you the dooooollllls?"

so even though I'm now pretty nauseated, will have nightmares, and still can't really comment on the post itself, I want to thank you for giving me ammunition for keeping my husband in line.

Thanks. No really, I've been getting too much sleep lately and, well, I should really be up all night getting stuff done around my house. No way am I closing my eyes after this post.

I had a doll in my arms one day flopping around and it scared the postman. He was like, did you have another baby? I'm like, it's a doll. He was relieved I didn't treat my babes like that. Phew. Could have been a DCFS day, No?

I do believe these are some of my favorite posts. I don't know why, but they are. Even though they do frighten me and cause me to have great concern for some of those people. They are all just a but freaky.

Forget the dolls - Richard Simmons himself scares the sh*t out of me. (Seriously, did he buy in bulk in 1982 knowing deep down that nylon shorts were going to go out of style? His biggest fear is not getting fat . . . it is that someone is going to strike a match in his general vicinity.)