She knew she’d fucked up. She always did. She sighed as she sat down at the first empty desk she could find. Four other girls sat at the desks next to her, discussing why the split in their ‘friendship group’ was so important. She knew one of the girls. She used to go to a Karate class with the girl. Walking to her first lesson was hard for her. She could hear people yelling down the corridors, insulting her with things like ‘lesbian’, ‘freak’, ‘loser’ and ‘emo’. She spent the first day alone, trying to put up with the insults. She wanted to die. She’d given up too many times. She couldn’t even count them anymore. She tried to ignore every word that they said to her but she couldn’t. She’d put up with it since her first day at school, when she was about 5. She tried to concentrate on impressing everyone with her school work, but eventually she refused to even do that. She didn’t care. She had no reason to. No one cared about her, so why should she give a damn?

The teachers seemed to ignore her. She just constantly wanted to hide. No one else wanted to even talk to her. She only wanted one friend. She decided to risk it and start hanging out with these girls. She had tried before though. She tried in the school year before. She’d signed up to one of the websites they used. A fan fiction one. She had no idea what it was though. She even pretended to like things that she hated. It hadn’t worked though. She began to talk to them and son enough made friends with them. They liked similar music to her. She felt guilty though. Everyone else still hated her and had started to hate her friends too. She was surprised when they didn’t leave her to hang out with someone else. They started coming to her for advice. She didn’t mind at first, she could sort them. But then their problems started building on top of her own and she felt the awful again. She pretended she was fine. She couldn’t exactly let them torture themselves, could she? No, she deserved it anyway. Well, that’s what she thought. They didn’t know she’d tried to kill herself because of them. She wouldn’t let them find out. She couldn’t. She was convinced that they would hate her. She’s never going to let them know. She didn’t have to. It wasn’t their business and the was okay again.