Joke of the day

Every man needs a go-to joke.

Monday

Joke
N°
4515

Blond Golfer
A blond golfer comes racing into the Pro Shop screaming: "I got stung by a bee! I got stung by a bee!"
"Where did he sting you?" asked the Pro.
"Between the first and second holes!" she cried.
"Well, lady," he said. "The first thing you need to do is close your stance a little." Ryan Murphy

Tuesday

Joke
N°
4516

Helicopter Ride
Frank and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Frank would say: "Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter."
Esther always replied: "I know Frank, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars, and 50 dollars is 50 dollars."
One year, Esther and Frank went to the fair, and Frank said: "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."
To this, Esther replied: "Frank, that helicopter ride is 50 dollars, and 50 dollars is 50 dollars."
The pilot overheard the couple and said: "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's 50 dollars."
Frank and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Frank and said: "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"
Frank replied: "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, 50 dollars is 50 dollars!" Ryan Murphy

Wednesday

Joke
N°
4517

Shoo Fly
An Englishman, a Scot and an Irishman walked into a pub. Each ordered a pint of beer. Then a fly landed in each one's beer.
The Englishman, turning slightly green, pushed his beer away and asked for another one.
The Scot took the fly out, shrugged, and drank his beer.
The Irishman pinched the fly between his fingers and yelled: "SPIT IT OUT!" "SPIT IT OUT!"
Ryan Murphy

Thursday

Joke
N°
4518

Lawyer's Fee Schedule
A lawyer calls his client to tell him about his fee schedule.
"Alright," the lawyer says looking through his papers. "You owe me $1,000 down and $417.58 each month for the next 36 months.
"What! That sounds like a car payment schedule," retorted the client.
"You're right," replied the lawyer. "It's mine."
Ryan Murphy

Friday

Joke
N°
4519

Hard Times
A husband and wife were having difficulty surviving financially, so they decided that the wife should try prostitution as an extra source of income. The husband drove her out to a popular corner and informed her he would be at the side of the building if she had any questions or problems.
A gentleman pulled up shortly after and asked her how much to go all the way. She told him to wait a minute and ran around the corner to ask her husband. The husband told her to tell the client $100. She went back and informed the client at which he cried: "That's too much!" He then asked: "How much for a hand job?"
She asked him to wait a minute and ran to ask her husband how much.
The husband said: "Ask for $40."
The woman ran back and informed the client. He felt that this was an agreeable price and began to remove his pants and underwear. Upon the removal of his clothing, the woman noticed that the man was well hung.
She asked him once more to wait a moment. She ran around the corner again at which her husband asked: "Now what?"
The wife replied: "Can I borrow $60?" Ryan Murphy

Saturday

Joke
N°
4520

Restaurant Efficiency
A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed: "Do all the waiters here carry spoons in their pockets?"
The waiter replied: "Yes. Ever since an Efficiency Expert visited our restaurant. He determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen."
The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented: "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?"
The waiter replied: "Yes, we all do. Seems that the same Efficiency Expert determined that we spend to much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string, do my thing, and then return to work. Having never touched myself, there really is no need to wash my hands. It saves a lot of time."
"Wait a minute," said the diner. "How do you get your penis back in your pants?"
"Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon." Ryan Murphy

Sunday

Joke
N°
4521

Sexual Problem
A blonde went in to see her therapist and said: "I've got a big problem doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell."
"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is."
"The problem," she complained, "is that it wakes me up." Ryan Murphy