Miss Representation explores the media’s portrayal of women. It talks about how the media’s representation of woman as sex objects and possessions of men has detrimental effects on both young girls and boys. It focuses on the role media has in shaping the way we perceive ourselves and the expectations that are placed upon us. The trailer is eight minutes and includes some interesting points.

The trailer made me think of a conversation I had with two friends a few days ago. One of my friends was discussing how men are negatively impacted by the media because it skews their standards of beauty. They develop unrealistic expectations of beauty and this impacts how they seek relationships. Honestly I had never really thought about that before and my initial reaction was a bit unsympathetic, as in, “oh no, poor boys are disappointed because they only want girls who look like models they see in magazines and they don’t actually exist, boo hoo.” But in addition to being a bit condescending, this understanding of how media impacts boys is highly superficial. Even if you just focus on this aspect of beauty standards, having an unrealistic standard of beauty is detrimental. Boys can end up forsaking certain friendships and missing opportunities for real long term relationships because of this, which in turn impacts their development. This might sound like a little thing but as my friend sat across from me and explained how guys have told her, this clearly beautiful human being both inside and out (seriously, she fits neatly into conventional standards of beauty), that they just weren’t attracted to her, that she wasn’t pretty enough, I sat there feeling sorry for any guy who missed out on the opportunity to spend time with this woman. Any guy who knowingly walked away from her clearly had some negative forces acting on his understanding of beauty.

There are other aspects of the media’s portrayal of gender norms that can have negative impacts on boys. Media hypes up a certain idea of masculinity and imposes it on these young boys, fostering a culture of ridicule and bullying for any boy who doesn’t succumb to these pressures.

And of course there is the impact had on young girls. They are bombarded with images of what they should look like, how they should act, what their value is – all reinforcing the idea that they aren’t good enough. It starts from a young age and follows women throughout their lives.

Likely, just as the trailer makes clear, we need more female leaders and more women in media. But we also need a better understanding of what our true value and nature because without that, we’re likely to continue to promote some of the same media messages just in different forms.

A quick glance at a newspaper reveals that many of the problems that exist in the world today are related to issues of gender inequality. So does that mean that the solution can be found in getting rid of gender all together?

A couple in Toronto has decided that they aren’t going to be sharing the gender of their child with others. After the baby was born the parents send out a message to family and friends explaining, “we’ve decided not to share Storm’s sex for now — a tribute to freedom and choice in place of limitation, a stand up to what the world could become in Storm’s lifetime (a more progressive place? …).” The couple believes that our culture is obsessed with gender and that gender dictates much of how people treat and respond to others. They believe they are giving their baby the freedom to choose who it wants to be without assigned characteristics based on other people’s understandings of gender identity. They feel like parents make too many decisions for their children, and this is a decision they feel best left to the children themselves.

Much of the criticism of the couples’ decision comes from concerns that the child will be a social experiment. Others express concern that by not acknowledging that the baby has a gender, parents are enforcing the idea that gender is a problem. Some argue that they are making gender a bigger deal than it needs to be by not identifying it; rather gender is just one part of who you are.

The concept of gender not being fixed is not new. In certain circles, people regularly talk about gender not being binary (simply masculine and feminine), the difference between gender and sex and gender identity and gender expression. Yet the decision to actively promote a “gender free” child seems to elicit strong feelings in many people.

The other day I watched an interview of a famous female pop star talking about the release of her latest album. She mentioned how proud she was of the newest installment of the artistic expression of [INSERT NAME] and described her music as “empowering”. Three tracks into the album, the only distinguishing feature between one song and the next was the timing of heavy-drum-beat-set-to-slightly- dissimilar-but-always-salacious lyrics being crooned out by the electronically altered, over-the-top girlish yet obnoxiously-sexualized voice of the 30-year-old star.

“Look who’s binging on the girls-are-sex-objects Kool Aid—once again,” I thought. But then I felt a twinge of guilt at my judgmental, thinly veiled, holier-than-thou attitude towards this woman (because 30 is no longer a girl, let’s be honest). I mean, is it possible, I asked myself, that she actually thinks her music is empowering?

I guess if you grow up in a social matrix that tells you to be equal to a man is to be a man, and that to be a [cool, manly] man is to be sexually active with as many partners as find you appealing, to be callous with your heart, to use people for your personal gain, then sure, her music was super empowering!

This made me think about the importance of premises. The fact that most people, I earnestly believe, are good. In their hearts, most people want to do what is right and what is honorable and what will lead to happiness. But our ideas of what is right, and what is conducive to joy are so distorted that you end up in this mess of a world where women think their worth can mostly be measured in the inches of their waist, and their value lies in the way they can successfully fulfill a man’s lewdest daydreams, and their esteem is firmly ensconced in the fold of their brassiere.

The modern twist, of course, the thing that makes being the object of a man’s desire empowerment, is that at the end of the night you can walk away and choose your next bed buddy. Just like a man, you don’t have to get emotionally attached. The tables are turned. Now women can prey on men. Use them and leave them.

How enlightened, right?

This attitude is based on faulty conceptions of what it means to be good, what it means to be empowered, and ultimately, what it means to be human.

So when my good friend May asked me what I do in my daily life to promote gender equality I realized that one of the only ways I know how to counteract the forces in society that tell us women are this and men are that is through an educational process that helps us to understand our true identity as human beings.

Men and women are different? Maybe. Men and women are the same? Perhaps. I’m not overly concerned with which one is right because I think these are the wrong questions.

What does it mean to be human? What is the purpose of our life on this planet? How do we make the most of the handful of days we’ve been given on this earthly plane to make something of ourselves and of our society?

In answering these questions, issues of femininity and masculinity, superiority and inferiority, are somewhat resolved. At least to my mind, this is the case.

I don’t mean to oversimplify and I apologize if I have done so. I realize that women everywhere are subject to oppression of various forms: be it the traditional deprivation of basic rights like the freedom to receive an education, to vote, to show your face in public, to have a voice; or to the more subtle forms of oppression like the ones described above that basically tell you your worth is intimately tied with your physical appearance and ability to make a man “want you”.

But I also think that the oppression of women is the oppression of men. Men who are raised by mothers who had no access to education; who are forced to play mind games with girls that have been conditioned to think it is only through mischief and manipulation that they can nab a partner; who deprive themselves of the opportunity to acquire the virtues of justice and honor because they’re too busy being sleazy with women; and, ultimately, to have the bar for excellence set at such a pathetically low level that the days of their lives are mostly misspent.

I have been raised to believe that true loss consists in ignorance of our own selves, and that wasting the precious and limited time we have in the pursuit of idle fancies is perhaps one of the greatest tragedies we can impose upon ourselves.

So when I think of promoting the equality of women and men, my mind immediately turns back to these questions of, who are we and why are we here? More importantly, what do we do while we’re here?

I hope to be able to dedicate my life to the development and promotion of curriculum that emphasizes the latent nobility of each human being; the idea that we all have a twofold moral purpose in life—to transform ourselves individually by acquiring virtues whilst simultaneously contributing to the betterment of society and our fellow human beings; by shedding the forces of lethargy that urge us to remain quiet and complacent, instead of nurturing our natural thirst for knowledge and desire to be agents of change; and to develop the perception that would allow us to recognize the positive and negative forces in society so that we can align ourselves with the former and battle the latter.

I’ve had the chance to participate in seminars based around educational content that helps young people question the purpose of their lives and answer important questions about who they are and what they do. During these seminars, I’ve been able to witness the way these young men and women interact, never overstepping the bounds of respect and modesty, yet infinitely tender and loving in their regard of and approach towards one another.

They have offered me a glimpse of what this world can be like when we really learn how to behave in ways that are befitting of our noble stations as human beings.

I’ve never been the most feminine of girls. I have brothers and a sister who taught me how to defend myself. My father often sarcastically remarks how sorry he is that he raised his daughters to be quiet, timid, meek girls. My parents have always treated us kids equally. When I was a little girl and wanted to play with hot wheels and action figures alongside pink dolls, that was just fine. When I was more inclined to go fishing instead of join ballet with the other girls, I was never discouraged.

So when I decided to get a job in construction, I wasn’t expecting to have a hard time. Probably a little naïve – but I’ve always been just fine in boys’ worlds. But what do you do in a boys’ world that doesn’t know you? How do you remain true to yourself? I could feel that I wasn’t being taken seriously. They weren’t believing I could work as hard as they could. I would hear comments like “This is why you don’t send a woman to do a man’s job.” Sometimes jokes, sometimes not. I wasn’t being given the same opportunities as the boys. They were hesitant to give me the heavier work. I began to feel myself toughening up. Clenching up. Putting on a nasty face. Holding myself differently. Pushing the girl in me away. Feeling I needed to be more masculine in order to be accepted. I felt like I was representing all of womankind – but I couldn’t even do it like a woman. I was stuck wanting to be accepted by my coworkers while remaining resentful of them for not accepting me based on my gender.

I was in unchartered territory. Who do you look to for advice when no other women I know have been in my shoes? Women in these roles typically tend to take on the masculine traits, and that’s how they are accepted. I realized that by taking on these male characteristics, I was being just as harmful as my coworkers who were making hurtful comments. Through my actions, I was essentially saying that yes, there is no way a woman can do this job. The only way a woman can do this job is if she becomes like the men. I didn’t want to cop out like that. I wanted to be a woman – without the disguise.

And then I thought about my parents. How they raised me to be my truest self – always. And I remembered that despite the fact that I played with action figures, I still could play with dolls every once in a while. Remind myself that there was no weakness in being a girl. There is no weakness in expressing to my coworkers my feelings. It was time to forget that I was in the boys’ world, but instead it is a world that we don’t define by gender roles. My standard was no longer the boys’ standard but instead it was time to redefine this standard and acknowledge the woman in me – strong and unflinching. Holding myself to the same standard that my parents held me to, and I would want to hold my daughters to – to recognize their given, feminine attributes, and seeing them as strength. Not a weakness.

I still falter sometimes – too eager to prove myself and my strength. But it’s a process. And it is a process that we are going to have to face if we want true equality.

One last thing – I just want to tell all the women out there that if we are going to achieve that equality, it is going to require us to step outside of our comfort zones. Start small. It’s okay for you to carry the groceries, play catch with your kids, or learn how to drill (take it from me, it’s actually quite easy). Just remember that femininity doesn’t need to be defined by masculinity.

Welcome

At the core of this blog is the document “Advancing towards the Equality between Women and Men” prepared by the Institute for Studies in Global Prosperity. However, engendering equality is not just a catchy name, it’s also a process we are all engaged in. In order to give us inspiration to be working towards engendering equality this blog tries to create a space in which actions and reflections are shared by individuals on the promotion of the equality of women and men within their social space.