Dating in NYC Through the Eyes of Music Journalist, Robin J

One of my goals for 2016 has been stepping outside of my shell and making a move on what I want. I’ve hopped in DMs, given my number out, and even walked up to a couple of guys making awkward yet smooth convo( which weirdly works for me). Sometimes it’s successful and sometimes it’s not— and that’s okay. I had to remind myself that just because I find someone attractive, doesn’t mean I’m going to get what I’m expecting from them.

I had to teach myself that my current love life is not my karma from curving different guys, but just apart of life. And besides, being curved builds character.

I spoke to The Takeovah’sRobin J about finding the courage to shoot her shot, her worst date, and more for installment four of #DatinginNYC. Read her experience below:

What expectations do you have going into a first date?
First, be on time. Second, pay attention. I’m super observant and I pay close attention to details. Do the same with me, show me you’re listening. Also, relax. Getting to know someone new is tough, but don’t be weird.

Describe your best dating experience or ideal date:
My best date ever was with an actor who was incredibly sweet. In one of our conversations, I mentioned that I’d never seen a play on Broadway so for our first date he took me to see “A Gentleman’s Guide to Love and Murder”. It was the sweetest gesture and a pretty incredible play. Hands down my most memorable date.

Describe your worst date:
After screaming a complimentary “DAMN GIRL,” when I walked into a restaurant to meet him (a quiet “you look nice” would’ve sufficed.) My date was so nervous that he spilled an entire pitcher of ice water on me and got the table cloth stuck in his pants— pulling it off the table along with the silverware when he tried to help me clean up. Seriously, it was a scene from a bad movie.

Has your dating experience made your more or less inclined to keep trying?
More inclined. You have to take the wins and the losses. Besides, a bad date can make for great laughs with my girls later on. It’s all a part of the process.

What’s your take on women “shooting their shot”?
This is super new to me because I’ve never been bold enough to stroll up to the cutie at an event or slide in a DM. It takes a lot of confidence to dance in the ring of uncertainty and leave yourself wide open to rejection. But, guys do it all the time so why make them do all the work?

I recently challenged myself and I decided to shoot my shot at a stranger at the bar and left with his number. It’s liberating! If you’re nervous, take a sip of something, channel your inner Beyoncé and just strike up a conversation. Compliment him—they like that.

If you’ve dated men not from NY, what differences did you see between them and NY men?
I went on a few dates with a Southern man and he was the total opposite of any New Yorker I’d ever experienced. He was a true gentleman— the open car doors and pull your chair out type.

I’ve never experienced that type of chivalry with any guy from New York. However, he was a bit soft spoken and a little on the clingy side (he hated my long work hours and going a few hours without talking) which didn’t work for me. New York guys are more straight forward and they understand the grind that’s necessary to survive in this city.

Does your profession affect the type of men you date?
Yes, my daily schedule is insane. You may text me at noon and I don’t respond until midnight because I’ve been working all day. It isn’t easy to find someone that understands that outside of my industry, so I tend to date guys that are in media or music. I appreciate the guy that doesn’t get angry when I’m unavailable and knows that when I am present, he has my full attention.

How do you balance work life and dating?
This is super corny and old school but I schedule everything & I write everything down in a planner. “Date with Jimmy Friday at 8pm,” will be inked in between work obligations. If I’m into you, I’m going to make an effort. The same way I’ll carve out time to hang out with friends, I make time for any potential suitors.

My planner is my life, but whenever I’m ever afforded the opportunity to be spontaneous, I take advantage of that. Say I’m shooting and I have an extra hour before call times I can use that time to get a quick Facetime call in or even drop coffee off at your office. Anything to show I’m thinking of you and I’m putting in the effort.

Do you think that social media has affected the way we date now?
Absolutely. Besides it being a super informal way to flirt with people (guy’s would never say the things they DM me in person.) it can also be damaging to newly dating couples. If I’m dating someone new, I don’t exchange any social media handles. Get to know the person the old school way before you go stalking his latest WCW.

If their was one thing you could change about the dating scene, what would it be and why?
I wish “text-ationships” weren’t the new normal. I miss phone calls. Good morning texts are cool—but a phone call first thing in the morning? *hands over panties*