Thursday, September 10, 2009

And she tells it so much better...

Children must be disciplined from an early age. This implies hardening your heart against their wide eyed, chubby-cheeked faces and being firm. Yes. Discipline is the key.

You may agree. But you haven't met Peanut have you?

Y & Vijay (parents of an active two year old Peanut) decided to take their semi-annual trip - to the movies - and left Peanut under the collectively watchful eye of Mum, myself, A and the K. If we count A, then the adult to child ratio stood at 4:1. Easy babysitting you say? Again, you haven't met Peanut have you?

Now Peanut is a no-nonsense type of child who has a firm idea of what she wants, and as for any contrary opinions issued from the bumbling adults she is forced to deal with, she dismisses as bunkum. All this is made very easy for her, given the fact that she is most adorable two year old you've ever laid eyes on. One quiver of that lower lip will have you waving the white flag in no time.

A had come over armed with Prince of Persia - the Sands of Time. I am introducing A to the joys of the PoP trilogy which has always been and always will be my only interest in the world of gaming. Anyway, we started playing while Peanut was with my Mum. Engrossed with a particularly tough fight sequence, we scarcely noticed the K bringing Peanut into the room with a coloring book and a set of sketchpens.

Under A's otherwise skillful maneuvering, the Prince kept dying at the hands of the big, bad villains so I took over the fighting. At this point, Peanut was sitting quietly on a stool and watching our game quite interestedly. It took all my powers of concentration to finish off the baddies so I ignored the apparent struggle that was taking place to my left. I vaguely heard cries of 'Peanut, no!!' from A, followed by squeals of protest and dismissive 'Aaahhhs' from Peanut.

The noise had died down by the time I was finished. When I looked up from the screen, I saw Peanut sitting innocently on the stool looking at me benignly. I smiled because there was a green sketchpen mark on her nose. My smile faded as I noted that Peanut, A and my cream colored sofa bed were all covered in a red, green and yellow marks. "No, no, no!!" I wailed. "Why did you let her do this?"

A defended himself by saying that Peanut cried when he tried to take the sketchpens from her. I can really see what kind of parent he'll make. The kind of parent who smiles indulgently at the little tykes breaking vases and coloring the walls.

While I had hysterics, Peanut suddenly noticed the colored sofa and gasped as if shocked by this act of vandalism. "Peanut!" I said accusingly. "Yeh kisne kiya?" In response she pointed to A and said "Unkallll!!!" This would have actually been quite convincing had there not been witnesses.

Luckily, we managed to get the stains out with rigorous scrubbing. Peanut was highly amused by it all and tried to send jet like sprays of water in our faces by blocking the nozzle of the tap as we tried to wash her hands.

Yes, Peanut is a naughty one. Unknowingly, my cousin Aparna tried to use her as a model of good behavior for her own two little girls the next evening at dinner. This never augurs well.

"Look, Akriti," she said to her 3 year old. "See how baby Peanut drinks from a glass without spilling anything." At this point, of course, Peanut spilled apple juice over herself and the chair. "Look Akriti," said Aparna, undaunted. "See how baby Peanut is eating ice cream with a spoon and holding it just like a grown up." At this juncture, Peanut decided that a more expedient way to eat ice cream was to lick it off the plate and plied her little pink tongue to the amusement of her older cousins.

On the way home, I sat calmly in the front seat while Y struggled with her squirming baby in the back. She said I must be thinking "I'm never having kids."

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

* Three weeks ago, Peanut decorates the walls of our (rented) home - with artistic scribblings using a ballpoint pen. Vijay thinks it is very cute. I think otherwise. The K , who was apparently supervising with a beatific smile while we were at work, says 'Kya karoon...baby rone lagta...bahut mushkil'.

* Two weeks ago, Peanut draws with a blue crayon on our music system, and just for added fun, also scribbles on the floor in rangoli style. After a lot of scrubbing it comes off. The K says 'Kya karoon...bahut mushkil'.

* Last week, I find on our drawing room wall, a clear attempt at her artistic endeavours, this time with a black crayon. The K pretends not to have seen it. ' Hoodibaba! Yeh to maine dekha hi nahin'

* At my mom's place last week, Peanut is being babysat by my sister and her friend, apart from the ubiquitous and ever-reliable K. At one point, the ever-reliable K hands her a bunch of sketchpens and deposits her in the room where my sister and friend are busy playing Prince of Persia. Peanut uses a bright green sketchpen to draw on my mother's precious sofa ( which happens to be a delicate shade of pale cream, joy of all joys!). My sister and friend look up at one point to see Peanut innocently looking at them with a green mark on her little nose. To their horror, they uncover the damage. The rest of the evening is spent with a couple of rags, soapy water and lots of fervent cursing and 'Mom's going to kill us'.

The Joy, the inimitable Joy of a Toddler.

( Incidentally, I was enjoying some piping hot Chicken soup last night when Peanut decided it was time for me to breastfeed her. She came charging at me, banged her head into the soup bowl, and the piping hot soup fell all over my front - and it was searingly, blindingly hot for a couple of seconds after which I pretty much lost all sensation. Vijay spent the next few minutes insisting looking for Burnol, finally settling for rubbing Lactocalamine on me. I still have the unnatural tan under my shirt. It's great, really)