Monday, December 3, 2012

Things seem to be going about as you'd expect them to go. Then the interviewer asks Coach Hartley 'bout dem dang ol' fancy statistics:

"

MC: With Flamesnation.ca, a lot of folks there and associated sites, and quite a lot of other hockey sites look at things like Moneyball and advanced statistics in baseball and of course a lot of them were created in hockey, including going back to a guy like Jim Corsi who was an assistant coach in Buffalo. Are the Flames taking a hard look at this area, are you able to say?

BH: Personally I never go on blogs, not a big computer guy. I never look at salaries. I have no aspirations of being a general manager or anything like that, I want to coach. For me there is no dollar signs on the towels, no dollar signs on their jerseys, I will make the decisions based on who is going to make us win. For me, that is my only priority.

MC: Some of the statistics are like a proxy for how many scoring chances do you create, etc.

BH: Personally I never go on money, I never discuss money with players, that is the second floor (GM and scouting offices). I know what you mean, since the baseball thing and Oakland. But I do know what you mean, but for me, the only things I look at is the scoreboard and the standings.

"
Coach Hartley heard the word 'moneyball' and he shit his pants. Just started scrambling, same way that kid in elementary school who has clearly been playing with his Tamagochi for the last 45 minutes (and you fucking knew that Mr. Smithson you cheesedick) does when called up to solve math problems on the chalkboard.

Maybe he just doesn't know what the fuck 'Moneyball' is, but like, had heard about it, so he thought that he should know what it is? So he fakes an answer, because he feels he should have one, because he knows 'Moneyball' is a bonafide fucking thing, but he really has no clue what the shit it is?

The lulz part, is of course, the answer to the second question. The interviewer asks a question about stats and how the coaching staff will use them, and he gets a completely nonsensical answer about not caring about the players salaries back from the coach; The interviewer decides to give it a second shot, ask his question about stats again, and just to make sure nothing gets lost in translation (MONEYBALL? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN DERP?) he keeps it very simple. Statistics. Proxy for scoring. You down?

And Hartley fucking botches again! Asked pretty damned explicitly if he has ever heard of people using stats that attempt to serve as a proxy for scoring chance generation, he starts squawking about player salaries again. What the shit.

Quote Hartley, upon being asked about statistics that measure scoring chance generation responds, tellingly, with "I know what you mean, since the baseball thing and Oakland. But I do know what you mean..."

No motherfucker, you actually have no fucking clue about 'what you mean'. You're still nursing a burning erection over the word 'Moneyball'!

Like I said, yo, it scrambled his brain.

(To be fair, it seems clear based on his answers that he thinks 'Moneyball' is about winning with cheap players. Lulz.)