"Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have – life itself" Walter Anderson

The Feeling of Loss-To My Husband

Here I am again, heart aching… wondering how this could happen to me.. yet again.

Losing someone is a feeling that cannot simply be explained… this time it was worse. The world knew we had our issues, but the world also knew how much we loved each other. We were young and we both had problems, instead of helping each other along, we leaned all of our weight on the other in the wrong way.

When I heard what happened, I nearly fell over. My head was spinning, I couldn’t think straight.. I knew it was coming but wow did it ever hit me like a pound of bricks.

I asked the universe, why did this happen? I’m a very spiritual person so I understand death.. but why? He was young..

I thought about it and realized.. you were unhappy. It wasn’t the right life for you since the beginning. You suffered here, no matter what was happening in your life, you suffered. But God, Im grateful. I’m grateful that this has happened to me before with another loved one. (I know it sounds crazy but I am) I’m grateful because I learnt a lesson after the last loved one of mine passed away.. I refused to leave again without fixing the problems we had, no matter how bad they were.

I know that were here to learn lessons and grow spiritually but it can be hard.. I always wonder, why me? Why is it that I’ve suffered so horribly emotionally in my life? Why have I always been such a disaster?

Well.. I know that I’m being prepared for something greater. I’m growing on a daily basis and I’m learning new lessons everyday of my life. If we arent doing that, then what are we here for? Because I know it isn’t to sit around all day in front of a desk, go home, eat dinner and sleep… every. single. day.

I’m grateful that I’ve been made so strong that I’m still here today. Because without people knowing, I’ve had many reasons to leave this life. But a million reasons more to not.

I know you’re still with me, but it’s different now. You visit me on a daily basis… it feels good. As for you, I know you’re finally at peace. From what I understand, you have a lot of work and understanding to do on the other side right now. Your next life is going to be incredible, I know because I can see it.

Im grateful that I was able to hold you one last time, even though you weren’t in your physical body, you were next to me in spirit.