Hi, I'm Romosome. I love my Android phone, and I'm always looking for more games to play on it. After a tragic emulator accident scarred me for life, I went on a quest to plumb the depths of free and freemium Android games, searching intently for RPGs and loot, trying to find the best games I could.

This is what I found instead.

This kind of stuff is pretty much 90% of what you run into. Card-based gacha games where you collect and upgrade pictures of anime girls. some of them are actually fun They're obviously garbage but seeing the sheer EXTENT of them is pretty amazing.

We're off to a good start. Most games like this will have a small initial download and then make you wait to download the ACTUAL game on first run, to get you into the app faster. In this case, we get a whiff of the quality localization to come. To my surprise, this dialogue is fully voice acted, in english.

Some brave woman actually recorded herself saying all this out loud, word for word. It's kind of incredible. I hope she was paid well.

Nothing too crazy so far. The game lets us choose from over one class! We can be a Knight, or an Assassin. I pick Knight, because heavier armor is always the coolest looking. I also pick female, because I like to see women swinging enormous weapons around.

We're treated to some decent little cinematic cutscenes. I'm impressed that this game actually attempts to look like a video game, and not just like a random flash files like most do. The graphics certainly aren't bleeding edge, but the entire thing gives a sort of arcade vibe to it, reminding me of House of the Dead.

Gameplay is pretty much automatic. It's a grindfest that plays itself. Gear, however, appears to be visible, and I like that. Sometimes you just want a bit of mindless loot collecting, and it's nice to be able to play dressup with what you get.

Every time I level up, I get a letter with a piece of fancy 4 star armor in it to keep me hooked. I begin to look significantly more fabulous.Eventually, this happens. I think the monster is *supposed* to be talking like that. Which shows odd detail in what seems otherwise to be a completely un-edited script.

MONSTER:

ME :(???????????????????)

MONSTER:

ME:

A boss battle ensues. Activating a Hyper Combo (is so cool) has you play a brief game of Ouendan, tapping circles once they've shrank within a certain radius.

The monster bemoans this tragic violence with its dying breath.

Spoiler: I'm a Chark. I have no idea what a Chark is.

My reaction to being told that I share blood with both the being I just killed and something else I've never heard of is apparently "Cool, is it strong?????"

If memory serves, people used to wear what basically amounted to padded wool long johns under their armor to make it bearable to wear. Even then, you'd get callouses all over from where that heavy crap rested on your shoulders and waist. Once you had it all on, you couldn't tell the men from the women without them taking off the helmet.

And a sculpted boobplate like that is a great way to crack your sternum if you fall down.

There's some new anime game on Steam (and presumably other platforms) that is literally you go around town tearing the clothes off "demons" disguised as cute girls to expose them to sunlight to destroy them.

The best part is that apparently the reason they are demons is that they collected too many manga/anime figurines.