V: All right then, if he's thinking, I'll ask him what he's thinking
about (shakes chimpanzee repeatedly), Hello, Mr. Chimpy, who's the
leader of Peru, what is the square of five? Hello, Mr Chimpy,
answer me!

(chimpanzee grunts, mumbles "compassionate conservatism" and "war on
tara" before returning to his torpid, vacuous stupor)

MW: There, he said something!

V: No, that was you feeding him his lines through that teleprompter!

MW: Me, never!

V: Yes, you did, I saw you!

MW: Never! I never came near that teleprompter

V: (bitch slapping the chimpanzee repeatedly, yelling) HELLO,
MR. PRESIDENT, this is your pop quiz now, snap to it, name three causes
of World War I, explain the Plessy v. Ferguson United States Supreme
Court ruling in 1896 in one succinct sentence, HELLO!

(Voter picks up chimp, stands him on his hind legs, holds him
for a moment, lets go, chimp drops to floor, drool leaking out of his
mouth)

MW: Well, yes, you hit him with a couple of hard questions there, Texas
Yellow-Bellies, they think easily, you know.

V: Now, look here, friend, I have had enough of this. That
president is definitely a moron and when I voted for him barely two
years ago you assured me that his complete lack of coherence and
inability to form a whole sentence was due to his extensive drug use in
his youth but that he was comfortable in his own skin.

MW: Well, he's probably pining for the sagebrush.

V: PINING for the SAGEBRUSH?!?!? What's up with that, why did he
immediately fall over to the hard right the moment after I voted for
him?

MW: Well, the Texas Yellow-Belly prefers the right anyway, they're more
comfortable that way.

V: Look, I took the liberty of examining that chimp and his record
after I voted for him and I discovered that the only reason he got as
far as he did was because you were PROPPING him up ALL THE WAY.

(Media whore pauses)

MW: Well, of course I was propping him up, I had to, you see. He
has the weight of the world on his shoulders and if I hadn't propped
him up, the stress of all that would have gotten to him and he'd have
spoken something very profound from depths of his soul which the world
wouldn't have been ready for.

V: SPOKEN!?! Mister, this chimpanzee couldn't speak if you rammed
a megaphone up his ass, he's FLIPPING STUPID!

MW: No, no, he's THINKING!

V: He's not thinking, he's drooling, he's dawdling, this chimp's higher
brain functions are no more, he's a complete moron, a buffoon, and an
imbecile to boot. Bereft of the intelligence God gave a banana
slug, he sits there vacantly awaiting whatever words you put in his
mouth. If you hadn't propped him up, he'd have fallen right off
the map, his cerebral processes are nil! He's a couple votes
short of a quorum, not got enough brain cells left to figure out who he
is let alone what
he's supposed to do. This is a TOTAL JERK and an INCOMPETENT
BUFFOON
to boot! This is a DUMB CHIMP!!!