A Groundsman’s Tale…Episode 2: Weed Killing made simple

The Junior development programme also extends to the ground staff. Our latest recruit (a mere 62 year old recently retired gent), joined us this year.

Like in all working establishments he had to begin at the bottom of the ladder. Our office junior or bin man as we like to call him, soon showed remarkable initiative and creativity in all in cleansing tasks. This creativity would come back to bite us!

After several weeks it was deemed that he should be given extra responsibility by our chief. In line with the wet and warm weather weeds began to spring up in their droves. So nit was decided that the `Office Junior` should take on the role of head of weed demolition.

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Bedecked in spraying equipment akin to something from Ghost Busters he set about the task with the enthusiasm of an MP filling in his expense claims. Instructions given about the powerful fluid mix, 1 part solution to 50 parts water, don’t breathe in the fumes and wear goggles, he set about the massive task with admirable gusto.

Project forward if you will ten days to a meeting of the grounds team, agenda item – pitch condition.

Where we once had a lush, green, vibrant pitch we now were in possession of a barren landscape, dry as dust with grass rarer than hair on a NF spokesman’s head.

Returning players for pre season were issued with face masks to prevent inhalation of toxic fumes from the arid region we lovingly called a pitch. So strong was the effect even the sponsors advertising boards around the arena withered, with names and phone numbers falling off the edges like suicidal lemmings.

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Our own Ghost Buster faced questions about what had happened. Following instructions to the letter it appeared he was adamant things were ok. Upon demonstration of his skill we uncovered our problem. His inability to work out what comes first, solution or water. You can work out the rest……

As we speak we have had requests from NASA to use our pitch to practise their moon buggy exercises, they can as long as they avoid the meerkats now in residence.