How to Help Your Child Be a Good Eater

How to Help Your Child Be a Good Eater. Tips to follow to avoid your child being a picky eater and being willing to eat most foods.

There is not much else that stresses a mom out like food. Is he getting enough? Is his nutrition good enough? Is he hungry? Why isn’t he eating as much today? It goes on.

I have been asked a question about how to get your toddler to eat well. There are some things I think you can do to create a good eater who eats a balanced diet. Some tips may be more challenging due to individual personality or physical issues. Here are my tips. Most of these can really apply to every age from beginning eater to toddler years (and perhaps older):

Continue to offer foods even if you know he doesn’t like it. Kaitlyn can be kind of picky in what she eats. She doesn’t like fruit in general, and she doesn’t like green beans. I feed her fruit three times a day. There are now some she will eat pretty well, but there are others I know she is going to take a few bites of and stop. I still offer them every so often. Not every day (there are enough fruits that I can offer a different fruit each meal and not repeat very often). But she gets them. It takes time for you to really decide if you like something or not, and also your taste buds will get used to something if exposed to it. This can apply to toddlers also.

One more bite. Babies and toddlers know when they are full. When my baby (10 months) says she is done, I will often tell her one more bite, especially if she is just turning her nose up at the fruit. If she ate well and I know she is genuinely full, I just say okay and she is done. But if she didn’t eat her fruit well, I tell her one more bite. She will clamp her mouth shut for a moment, but I give her my “mommy glare” (you know the look moms give when you aren’t behaving) and she will open up. I did the same thing with Brayden (2.5 YO), but now I take it a step further, explained below.

Feed what they like. You want to offer a variety of foods, but you also want them to get the nutrition they need. I will offer Kaitlyn a fruit she doesn’t like first, and then I will feed her a fruit I think she will eat. Also, kids, like adults, go through stages where they really like something. I have heard that you can look at your nutritional intake more over a week than worry about day by day. So, there are days Brayden is in love with bananas. Those days, I let him go at it and he will eat up to 4 full bananas by himself. Then if he doesn’t eat fruit that well the next day, I know he more than made up for it the day before. If they are loving something a certain day, I let them have it.

Offer them what you eat. Brayden eats exactly what we eat for dinner. I don’t make him a separate dinner. At lunch, I will make foods I know he likes (and admittedly I still love those “kid” favorites), but for dinner, we eat “adult” food. He loves it. We have done this for as long as he has been eating “real” food. Kaitlyn does it to an extent. Anything we are eating that she can eat, I give her. However, her diet is still really limited.

Expect more from them. Have you heard the phrase “people live up to expectations”? It is true. If you give your child food and expect him to not eat it, odds are he won’t.

Require them to try it. There are times I put a food in front of Brayden that he is not interested in trying. We require him to try it. You have to try to not make it a battle ground. There are times it has become a battle for Brayden and he will try it, like it, but not eat it because he doesn’t want to admit we were right. So remember your child’s dignity. If he tries it and likes it, don’t do the “I told you so” thing. If he likes it, I just say, “Good, I am glad.” You don’t need to take that opportunity to lecture the fact that you were right and your child needs to listen to you more. They are smart enough to draw that conclusion without you saying so. When he tries it but doesn’t like it, thank him for trying.

Use obsessions to your advantage. Brayden has had his peanut butter and jelly run. That is all he wanted for every single meal. When he would come to the table and see that PB&J was not on the menu, he would tell me he wanted it. I would tell him after he ate everything on his plate, he could hav

e it. So he would eat everything, but often forget about the PB&J, or just be too full for it. If he eats it all and still wanted the sandwich, I give it to him. You have to be sure you set a requirement you will follow through with. If you know you won’t require all food to be gone, but will say, that’s close enough, tell him to eat the “close enough” amount.

Get sneaky. If I am feeding something to Brayden I know he isn’t likely to eat much of, I give it to him alone before the other food.

Give your child an appropriate amount of food. I have heard that if you put small portions on the plate, the child eats more because it doesn’t look so daunting. I don’t know if that is factually true or if it just seems that they eat more. Be sure you don’t give your child more than he can eat and then expect him to finish it all.

Require more bites. If he didn’t eat many peas but says he is all done, you can require him to eat more peas. For Brayden, X number of bites is better than “finish it all.” Finish it all seems overwhelming to him. If I want him to finish it all, I look at it and estimate how many bites that will take him. I then tell him to take that many bites. If he takes that many and doesn’t finish it, he is done.

Require real bites. Sometimes Brayden will try to sneak one pea onto his spoon and call that a bite, but we inform him that doesn’t count. He needs to take real, normal bites.

No negotiations. Brayden has recently started negotiating. I say 5 more bites, he says 2. I then say 5, he says 3. I then say 6 and he says 5. Funny. You have to be wise in what you first say. Don’t say 10 knowing he can only do 5.

Praise. When your child obeys and is a good fellow-diner, let him know what a good boy he is being and has been.

Limit snacks. If your child isn’t eating meals well, perhaps he is getting too much at snack time. My son gets snacks once a day. You have to be careful about supplementing the meal if they didn’t eat well. It is tricky. You don’t want your child to be hungry, but you also want your child to eat meals well. You will have to determine when your child is old enough to have to wait when he decides not to eat well. One idea is to save the food that was not eaten and offer that if they are hungry later.

No dessert. If your child doesn’t eat well for the meal, but is hungry for desert, don’t reward his poor eating with desert. Same thing, if he doesn’t eat well, save the food and offer that before the desert is eaten. I understand that we are often hungry for treats even if we aren’t hungry for other food. I often say I have a separate stomach for deserts. But you want your child to eat good food.

Require the child to obey. You are going to have to be honest with yourself about this. If your child refuses to follow your voice commands at dinner, he likely is not following elsewhere. If he is not obedient on a regular basis at the dinner table, review your overall parenting and see if you are lacking somewhere. I have always found that when Brayden isn’t being obedient in some way, it is because of something I am doing. You need to swallow your pride and make necessary corrections. Also, don’t feel bad. You are learning as you go. You want what is best. Just make the changes and move forward.

Appropriate consequences. Like I said before, you have to decide what age your child is ready for things. If you have a child who is spitting or playing with food, thing about what you can do about that age appropriately. Last month, Brayden started to think it was funny to take a drink of milk and then let it fall out of his mouth. He also thought it was great fun to spit his milk out. We told him that was a no. I also told him where he was allowed to spit. I said, “You may spit outside and you may spit in the bathtub, but you may not spit at the dinner table.” We also told him if he continued, he would not get to have milk. There was a time he did it again, and his milk was taken away. He was better after that. Perhaps your child will need to be removed from the dinner table or have food taken away. When Brayden was younger, I would take the food away and set the time for about 30 seconds. Then he got it back for another chance. That was enough of a wake up call for him. Perhaps a privilege needs to be taken a way. Maybe a time out. You know your child; you need to decide what consequence will work best for him.

Let child set the pace. Children and babies are really good and knowing when they are full. Most adults could take lessons. If your child is full, then he is full. Don’t stress. If he says he is full but gets hungry before the next meal, explain he should have eaten more for the previous meal. You could move the next meal earlier if possible, but so long as your child is age-ready, there is nothing wrong with letting him experience consequences. Keep in mind that children’s appetites vary. Growth spurts come and go. Also, around a year of age, they decrease the amount of food they eat dramatically. Just like sometimes you can be more hungry than others, your child can be.

Be aware of other factors. I find that I have to be careful about what I tell Brayden he can do after he eats. He is at an age where food is an afterthought. He wants to play. If he asks to do something, I can’t just say “after you are done eating” because he is then immediately done. I have to say, “After you eat your food all gone” or “After you eat all that Mommy tells you to.”

Be a good example. If you want your child to eat well and behave at the table, you and your spouse should also do so. One time we were having mixed vegetables that included lima beans with dinner. Brayden tried one and was simply disgusted. I started to eat them and just couldn’t do it myself. I didn’t require him to eat them because I couldn’t do it.

Require your child ask permission. When Brayden is done eating, he says he is all done. I then ask him if his tummy is all the way full. He usually says yes, though sometimes he tells me he needs one more bite of something first. If he is full and I think he has eaten enough, I inspect his hands. Then we clean him up as needed and he can get down from the table.

As always, if you have your own ideas, please post a comment with the things that have worked for you.

Valerie, also known as The Babywise Mom, is the mother to four children. She has been blogging on Babywise and general parenting since 2007. She has a degree in technical writing and loves using those skills to help parents be the best parents they can be! Read her book, The Babywise Mom Nap Guide, to get help on sleep from birth through the preschool years. You can also find her writing at Babywise.life, Today Parenting, and Her View From Home. Read more about Valerie and her family on the About page. Follow her on Facebook, Pinterest, and Instagram for more tips and helps.

28 Comments

Rachel Stellaaa

June 8, 2008 / 6:16 AM

Wow! I thought I was the only one that told people I had a “separate stomach for deserts”. LOL. Now comes the question… Where do you draw the line between not forcing your kids to eat when they don’t want to (which could possibly make them dread eating) and getting them to eat healthy foods, or anything at all? As always, Thanks!

If you have regular eating times and offer healthy foods from the beginning, it will just be normal for your child to eat that way. Both of my kids are great eaters and will try anything. As Brayden gets older, he is more weary of trying new things sometimes, but he always will if I tell him to. While some people might be pickier than others naturally, I really think picky eaters are made, not born.You have to figure out proper proportions for your child, but if you offer it, they will eat it. Kaitlyn basically eats fruits and vegetables all day long, and she loves them. Brayden has a lot more variety since he has molars to chew, but he also loves fruits and veggies and eats them (usually) without issue. The great thing for me is that my kids eat good foods, so I just offer them food and let them set the amount themselves. There are times I need to tell Brayden to eat more peas before he can be done with dinner, but it isn’t a huge deal. A lady was posting about eating on a board the other day. She said she and her husband are picky eaters. Their two older kids are also very picky because she didn’t make them eat foods and didn’t offer variety. With her third, she did things differently. She offered lots of foods and insisted he try things and eat fruits and veggies. He isn’t a picky eater at all. He has more variety in his diet than his adult parents. Just be wise and mealtime shouldn’t be an issue for you. Not to say there won’t ever be issues, but it won’t be a constant battleground.

For the last 2 weeks, my 9 month old has refused to eat her normal solid foods, and will only open her mouth for puffs, bananas and crackers (She is downing bottles like she is starving, however). I have tried everything, but she keeps her jaws clenched tightly, and sometimes bats the spoon or my hand away. I have given her the ‘mommy look’ and told her “no” when she grabs the spoon away and throws in on the floor; but she seems pretty nonplussed, and even smiles at times when she is told “no.” Any suggestions? Do you think this is a discipline issue, and if so, how do we go about with a 9 month old? Perhaps this is an newly found independence issue: She has just begun to crawl, and she seems to be willing to eat the foods that SHE can put in her own mouth — which is fine, but she won’t eat more than a few puffs or pieces of banana before she stops altogether. Consequently, she is waking in the middle of the night starving for a bottle, and it is driving my husband and I crazy.Your thoughts will be much appreciated! God bless.

I loved your post on eating better and got some great pointers. I wanted to know if you have any ideas on what to do to keep him in his seat. In the last month or so meals have been such a battleground and not an enjoyable time when all the family is together. He is just of recently so picky and won’t stay in his chair. We have tried consequences but it hasn’t made a difference. Any ideas would be APPRECIATED!!

We love reading your post! They are so informative and encouraging! We have encountered a problem recently – our 5 month-old is currently resisting milk right now. Actually, she started this when she was 3 month-old. As a 5 month old, she’s only having 3oz to 5.5oz per meal, 5 meals a day, while she’s supposed to be drinking 7 or 8oz. We feed the baby on a combination of formula and breastmilk from a bottle starting from 2 months back. We tried different ways to tackle the problem – make the hole in the teat larger, said ‘no’ to her (because she would hold the teat in her mouth and stop suckling). Should we make her drink 7 or 8oz each time? Should we give her the consequence if she doesn’t drink? This issue has made my wife and I quite tiring as we would like to drop the 5th feeding so my wife can rest more and have more personal time. Your suggestions or help would be greatly appreciated!!

AlexI personally don’t think it is right to force a baby to eat more when they don’t want to. Maybe she really is full after 5.5 oz. You could try dropping to 4 feedings and see if she starts to eat more at each feeding. To do this you could slowly extend the time between each feeding by 15-20 minutes at a time.

My baby is now 8 months old and has all of a sudden been refusing most of her solids. For the last couple of months, she’ll only eat about 4 oz. from her bottle (4 times a day) and ate lots of solids. But the last couple weeks, she is now refusing more than 3 bites of solids. Any suggestions? I obviously can’t force feed her, but I worry she isn’t getting enough nutrients.Any suggestions would be great and appreciated!

hi… i’ve kinda ploughed thru your blog and still can’t find the answer to my burning question, so i thought that I would just ask it here. please bear with me.my 6mth kid has always taken a long time with her milk. usually about 45min to finish 4oz of milk. now that her milk is up to 6oz, she will take anywhere from 45min to 2hours! 🙁 she is on a 4hr schedule. 7am, 11am, 3pm, 7pm.she’s not eating her cereal well either and i have mixed it in her milk so that i know her nutritional needs are taken care of. she’s a small baby, on 25% percentile.i’m in the processing of introducing solids, but i’m very concerned about how long she takes to finish her milk that this has taken top priority over solids.is this normal? should i stop her milk feeds after 1 hour and let her wait out to the next feed? will she get enough milk/nutrition to STTN?thanks much for any answers. 🙂

I love your blog and have searched all over it for help with an issue i'm having with our 6 month old. We started BW at 7 weeks. Our baby took to it well, would wake, eat a whole meal, play, nap. However, in the last month or so meals have degenerated into a drawn out affair. These days (even at the first feeding of the day after 10 hours of sleep), he eats 3-4 oz and then stops and won't eat the rest until 1/2 or so later. He usually eats 6-7 oz at a meal. In addition, he has not been napping as well as he used to, so sometimes i make him wait for his food after a nap to make sure we are at least 3 hours between meals. It used to be that as long as he ate his full meal all at once first thing in the morning, then we were on track for good feedings for the rest of the day. Now when he gets up from sleep/naps, he eats half his bottle, stops, won't eat, plays for 1/2 an hour (sometimes 40 min!) and then is ready for the rest. This is getting really old. It stretches his feeding way out, so that as the day goes on (especially if he doesn't nap well during one nap) his meals get more and more belabored. We only just introduced solids 2-3 weeks ago, as the dr. told us to wait because of allergies in the family. My baby LOVES his solids. But I have found that they make our mealtimes even more drawn out and difficult. I give him a taste of his bottle to wet his appetite, then his solids (how much should i be giving him? I'm doing veggies right now and I give him probably 6-9 bites) then go back to the bottle. But often when we go back to the bottle, he won't eat any! Then I have to wait 1/2 an hour or something before he decides he's hungry. I have thought that perhaps he is ready to stretch to a 4 hour cycle, but when i've tried to do that, it does not work! he gets hungry and fussy and if he doesn't nap long enough some naps, then it doesn't work. he usually takes 2 45 min naps and then a 1.5 hr and a 2 hr each day. that's our goal anyway. we recently moved and changed time zones and things have been crazy for him, so we're working on naps again – there have been days recently where he won't take longer than a 45 min nap the whole day – on those days he defintiely needs 4 naps. but he's finally started taking longer naps again, so perhaps he's going through a transition. finally, yesterday, i didn't do solids at all because i wanted him to get back into a good pattern of eating his whole bottle instead of snacking. but i can't do that forever. he needs to learn to eat solids. this habit has become very difficult for us especially when we have appointments and church, etc. I leave plenty of time for him to eat his whole meal before an outing, but half the time he won't eat it all (only like 3 oz!) and then I've got to tote food along with us until he's ready to finish.Do you have any advice? Is he bored with his formula? When I was able to give him breast milk he would wolf it down pretty quickly. We tried using a 6 month+ nipple to see if that would help. We thought that maybe the flow of the level 2 nipple wasn't fast enough and he was getting bored with eating or something. But he chokes on the level 3 nipple (6 month+). He's a good baby, but this drawn out feeding thing is making our routine so difficult.Anyway thoughts you have would be wonderful. Thanks!

Grace,It sounds like she is bottle fed? If so, she might need a bigger nipple size. I don't think that is a normal length of time. Does she eat the whole time or does she stop and look around? If she stops and looks around, I would try to feed her in a place that is not interesting. I know my MIL would take her kids into a dark room to feed them. You might also be giving her more than she needs. She might not need 6 oz. If she eats well up to a certain point and then plays with the bottle, she might only need that number of ounces.

Organic Fanatic,For food amounts, see the blog label "solids" or go to the blog index and look up the posts under solids. The short answer is it depends on your baby.You might want to feed the bottle before solids. That way he can get the liquid he needs. I wouldn't offer him any more bottle 30 minutes later. I would feed him what he will eat and then wait for the next meal before he eats more. Yes, he might get hungry sooner than he would if you feed him again, but it sounds like feeding him every 30 minutes is only complicating things (which isn't surprising).

Hi Valerie,Tyler is 5 1/2 mo now and just started cereal about a week and a half ago. We are mixing it with BM but he just doesn't seem to like it. We started with rice cereal and then tried oatmeal after several days but he doesn't want to open his mouth for it and still is making some yucky faces! We haven't started intro veg yet because we thought he was supposed to be on cereal 3x/ day 1/4 cup each for a week before starting veg. Is that right?? He won't take 1/4 c 3x/ day since he just doesn't like it…Our ped said he wouldn't into fruits first since you don't want them to get the sweets and then not want the veg…makes sense….suggestions??Also, once we do into a veg, BW says to pick the noon meal and intro the veg then. Is that in addition to cereal at lunch or in place of?

Tyler Mama,The first thing I want to say about solids is to relax. Introducing solids is not a moral activity; there is no ONE wrong or right way to do things. There are a few guidelines to follow.The bonus of doing things the way outlined in BW is that it is very cautious. When you have cereal three times a day for a week before moving on to another food, you know your baby's digestive system is capable of handling food. Rice cereal is very gentle on most babies (though it does cause constipation in some). You don't have to have 1/4 cup of cereal three times a day. The amount will vary based on the baby. It also doesn't need to be cereal necessarily. It can be some other food like sweet potatoes.When introducing food, just leave at least 4 days between each new food. When you introduce veggies, you can still do cereal at lunch if you like. I would start with the veggies and see if he then wants cereal.It is normal for baby to make a strange face when eating food. It is strange 🙂 It doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't like it. Be sure to read the other posts on solids (see blog label "solids").

Hi!I was so excited to start solid foods with my baby, and it has turned into a nightmare…3 times a day! I have been bottle feeding my little girl since she was 6 weeks old. I started her on solis (rice cerael) at a little over 4 months old. She took it well the first time, and its gone downhill ever since. I still can barely get her to eat anything, and she is 7.5 months old now. I cry about twice a day, because I feel I have tried it all. I make sure she is comfy in her high chair (which now she screams at the very sight of her high chair) I have tried homemade baby food (which she did take a little better). I know at this age, she is stillg getting most of nutrients through the bottle, which she recieves about 25 oz per day. I have tried her on baby zantac due to some reflux issues I noticed we were having. Nothing seems to be helping. what do I do?Thanks!!!

Shea, how is her growth? Is she not eating at all, or just not as much as you think she should? Is she having any digestive issues? One thing to note is that if she has reflux, there is a good chance she will eat less than she might otherwise.One thing to check is her growth. If she is still growing as usual, then I wouldn't worry about it. Talk to her pedi. If her growth is fine, then there is no need to worry.Kaitlyn didn't eat much quantity wise. Brayden ate a whole lot. They always weighed about the same per age and were at similar percentiles. Some babies just need more food than others. What I would suggest is that you have your food that you offer. Once she is done, be done and don't worry about it. Babies are usually really good at stopping when they are hungry. Offer her a veggie at lunch and dinner. Offer her a fruit at each meal. Offer her cereal once or twice a day if you do that. But let her set her pace. This is, of course, assuming her growth is on track, which is something to discuss with her doctor.

I have a 21 month old named Braden. When he first began eating finger foods/real food he ate anything in sight and loved it all. I felt like I even had to cut him off sometimes. The past couple months he has become VERY picky…won't even try foods that are so good. I usually feed him bananas and cheerios for breakfast and a peanut butter sandwich and fruit for lunch all of which he loves but I make him eat whatever we are eating for dinner. I do not offer substitutes at dinnertime. It has become such a struggle each night that he goes to bed oftentimes without eating anything because he says "all done." He would rather get down then have to take even one bite. And I know he is hungry because we don't snack between lunch and dinner very often. As I read this post I felt like I have tried every suggestion on it. It is more than us giving him foods he doesn't like, if he doesn't recognize it he won't even try it. (Trust me I am tough, try everything to make him try things. Even forcing him but he will spit it out and get VERY upset "real tears" which I rarely see from him, creating an ugly struggle which I don't feel is helping my cause any). I don't want to let him off the hook easy but I don't want to exasperate my child (or put him to bed without dinner.) Requiring him to try it creates the battleground which is now occurring every night. He is usually very easy going and obedient. I offer things I know he doesn't like first and can't even get him to eat one bite without a fight which makes me weary to then give him what he likes after that sort of behavior. We don't really do desserts with him yet, not nightly anyway. We have resorted back to baby food (just to get in a variety of veggies) which he is ecstatic about for some reason. He's been off baby food since before 12mo. Should I try to feed him baby food exclusively at dinner? That just seems so backwards to me but maybe he will get so bored with it that he will want what is on our plates again? I have tried giving him "dinner" type foods for lunch instead of his sandwich that he loves but he refuses to eat. I will then offer the exact same thing that night at dinner and he is so hungry that he eats it and says YUM to what he turned his nose up to earlier in the day. It is a power struggle for sure. Any suggestions please!!Thanks! Rachel

Hello, I have looked at the blogs about food and haven't seen my specific situation commented on. If you have and I missed it I'm sorry, but could use some help. My son, who is now 11 1/2 months, used to eat absolutely all of his food and we thought he was eating too much and he would never refuse any food given to him. Now that he has been walking, since 8 1/2 months, his eating patterns have completely changed. He will no longer eat any vegetables, pureed or in finger food form, and will swipe our hand away when we try and feed him any vegetables. It has now been at least a month since he has had more than 2 or 3 bites of vegetables. He loves fruit, but I know he needs more than that and he loves Joes O's, like cherrios but better for you. I have done the mommy voice thing, the isolation, the squeeze of the hand and yet he still persists. It is just getting frustrating since I have another due in December. Since we have started implementing these rules his good and easy going disposition has now changed to days of crying and whining. I am becoming overly frustrated and emotional about it and don't want it to get the better of me. Thanks in advance for any advice.Whitnee

Rachel, that is a tough situation! I am not really sure there is one right answer here. I know what I would do with my kids…Kaitlyn is my harder eater. I do require her to try a bite of everything (unless it is a food that I know will be upsetting to her…she still has issues with tomato-based items from reflux). She isn't always pleased about it, but she does it. I would probably do the baby food thing for a while. I would also put a little bit on his plate of what is for dinner, but not tell him to eat it. I would just make a big fuss about how good it is. My husband is very good at getting Kaitlyn to eat stuff, and he does it by telling her how wonderful it is and eating bite after bite. Love and Logic says to not give the child the food and just tell them they wouldn't like it, they don't want to try it. Then they supposedly insist they want to try it, do, and love it.

Whitney,There are a couple of things I would do it if it were me. I would eat lots of veggies in front of him and talk about how good they are with your husband. Then I would offer them to him.I would keep offering it. I would even require one bite per meal and then call it good. I would hope that with time, he would start to like the taste.I would also remove your emotional reaction–even inside of you. He will be able to sense that and it might be the reason he is doing it. Good luck!

rachel, i have the same child you do & i have sent him to bed without dinner several times because he will not eat the food… i feel like giving him baby food will tell him that he's "won" … babywisemom what do you think? thanks, heidi

Heidirohl, If I knew my child was not going to eat everything at dinner, I would add something healthy to the meal I knew she would eat. I do that with Kaitlyn. I know Brayden and McKenna will eat just about anything. Kaitlyn had reflux and there are certain foods that still cause her problems. So I make sure we have something she can hone in on and eat. If I had a child that I knew would not eat what we are eating, I would give him baby food at the beginning of the meal to not create a battle. My goals with a meal are first to feed the child the nutrition he needs. So I would set the situation up so he couldn't battle me on it, if that makes sense.

Hi Valerie =)First of all: THANK YOU (again, I left a comment somewhere else as well ) for having this blog.Second: What is a full feeding for a seven months old baby? I breast feed her as well, just so you know.Sorry, I didn't have time to look through all the questions to see if anyone already asked it.BlessingsMalene