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Archive for the ‘NBA’ Category

Sure the Lakers won the NBA title last night however judging the number of arrests, as a whole Los Angeles is weak rioting city!

Injure cops √

Smash store windows √

Looting √

Destroy police vehicles √

Act like a complete idiot √

Setting bonfires in the middle of the street √

Everyone take comfort in knowing that no Laker Car Flags were injured during the looting… thank goodness!

That’s all nice but there were 76 arrests after the Phillies won the World Series in 2008 and Los Angeles only had 25 arrested last night. WEAK!!!! I expected better damn it! All you did was the same stuff that occurs in places like Oakland and Detroit on a daily basis.

People can talk about DiMaggio’s hitting streak, Cy Young’s 512 wins, or Wilt Chamberlain’s 10,000 women, but the record that will never be broken in sports is the level of destruction and general buffoonery in Philadelphia after the Phillies won the World Series. I thought this was in reaction to The Hangover winning the weekend’s box office again.

Notice Adam Morrison sporting some G.I. Jane haircut while having the look of a lost doe on his face. That look pretty much sums up his NBA career. Seriously, it would be hard to guess from just this picture who the alleged rapist is.

Of course the city of Orlando is excited about the NBA Finals that start tonight and the Orlando Sentinel understands this. Plus they also understand that a few weeks ago many in Orlando didn’t care one bit about the hometown Magic. Thus they have created a bandwagon’s guide to the Magic and the NBA Finals.

True fans are usually upset about bandwagon jumping fans that are suddenly Magic experts and can breakdown the match-ups between the teams. These bandwagon’s will flood the lines of local sports talk shows knowing full well that they didn’t give a rat’s ass until the team was able to win two playoff games in a row.

The Orlando Sentinel has created a “guide for new fans” in hopes to manufacture canned enthusiasm about the Magic and they also hope that if the national media approaches a new fan on the street for an interview, these new Magic fans don’t embarrass themselves and the city by saying something stupid like “Shaq will finally get a championship for the Magic!”

Here’s some sample questions from the “getting to know your basketball team” Q&A: (Coincidentally, this doubles as the NBA’s referee entrance exam.)

• Why is there a 24-second clock over the basketball hoop?

• What does “in the paint” mean?

• The announcer shouts something about scoring off the dribble. What does “off the dribble” mean?

• You may have noticed a number of NBA players have their heads adorned with headbands (no matter how dorky they look). None of the Orlando Magic players wears them. Is that by choice?

• I thought goal tending was a position in soccer. It’s not?

• Is a technical foul really technical?

• What’s the deal with the one sleeve worn by some players?

Actually, the last question is really valid because I’m not sure of the answer to that one.

Missing:

• Hey, wasn’t that short, white shooting guard exponentially more famous three years ago?

• Can my wife come to the game if she has Legionnaires disease?

• Didn’t that coach once star opposite Marilyn Chambers before her untimely death?

I honestly didn’t think anyone could have worse taste in women than me, but I believe we have a winner. Apparently Dirk has been dating a woman named Cristal Taylor. She has so much to offer Nowitzki such as a talent in using eight separate aliases, probation violations and theft. She proved her undying love to Nowitzki by being arrested at his residence this past Wednesday. Judging from the photo this once again proves my theory: Germans love tranny prostitutes. Or is it Hasselhoff?

The story doesn’t end there…oh no my friends it gets worse. See Dirk and the apparent Cristal (or maybe it’s really Reggie Miller in drag) are engaged and Dirk maybe be a daddy. Also when the Po Po went to arrest Taylor they allowed her to change cloths only she decided to go into the back yard and call someone for a ride in an apparent attempt of escape.

After practice on Thursday, Nowitzki said, “Well it’s pretty obvious I’m going through a tough time in my personal life right now. But, like I always have, I wanna kinda keep my private life private and I don’t want to… really I’m not at the stage where I can talk about it yet and feel comfortable talking about it.”

This is the worst judgment shown by a German since the “Falco World Tour.”

Dirk has always been a guy that Dallas fans could hang their hats on and say, “The team may never win a title, but at least we got to watch an awesome player who is also a stand-up individual.” It’s a big change from the glory days of the Cowboys where you got watch a team win a title with awesome players but lousy individuals (unless you happened to own a strip club in Dallas or bought weed from Nate Newton). While Dirk is probably not going to get in trouble for this, the bottom line is his reputation is tarnished. Oh, and I’m not talking about the fact he impregnated a fugitive he was harboring. I’m talking about how atrociously ugly she is.

When she eventually divorces him which I’m sure she will, it will be the most someone has overpaid for some Cristal since P Diddy’s last birthday party.

You should remember Jayson Williams. Seven years ago the former New Jersey Nets player accidentally shot and killed his limo driver and then attempted to cover it up. Even though he never served time for the shooting he still faces a re-trial on manslaughter and obstruction of justice charges. But hey what’s another sevens years anyhow? So there’s no rush or anything.

Williams was arrested yet again after destroying a hotel room and becoming violent and acting “suicidal.” My guess is he is upset over the Jets trading up to pick Mark Sanchez in the draft. I don’t think he’s going to get his TV job back if he keeps up this sort of behavior.

A female “friend” (most likely a hooker) called New York’s finest were called to the hotel room shortly after 4:00 a.m. Once arriving to the room police discover that Williams to be agitated and “tipsy” and refused to leave the room. Officers then used “an electrical device” to subdue the perp (i.e., they tazed him, bro) and hauled him off St. Vincent’s Hospital for a psychological evaluation.

Williams has 11 days to accept a plea deal involving the case where he shot his limo driver with a shotgun in his home and is facing a May 12 hearing in a divorce case filed by his estranged wife, Tanya.

Williams’ lawyers also visited him at St. Vincent’s and one of them, Chris Adams, said afterward:

“Jayson is at the hospital for a medical issue. He’s in stable condition, and we expect him to be released, with a full recovery. Any suggestion that he is there against will is false.”

In case you haven’t heard yet Boston Celtics guard Tony Allen has angered some Chicago Bulls fans to the point of actually threatening to kill him. During the past two games in Chicago Allen has had more security around him than Michael Jackson ever had during one of his trials that involved the words kids and Neverland ranch.

The Celtics assigned a security detail behind the bench in case some Chicago Bulls fan was to attempt to shoot, stab, tiddy twist or wet willy Allen during the game. When asked about the situation by Boston Globe reporter Marc Spear, Allen become irritable:

“Is that what you’re going to write about? Is that what you’re going to write about?” said Allen, before walking away after being asked about the threats.”

Umm yeah asshole…sheesh no wonder people want to take some shots at you.

In a state known more for hurricanes, mullets and jorts comes one man to turn the college basketball scene upside down and that is Isiah Thomas.

Now history tells us that Isiah Thomas as a coach is well…dreadful but that was at the pro level. There is no telling what he will or can do at a college level. However I believe that Thomas’ qualifications to coach a college team are nil.

Let’s run review his qualifications and I’ll you decide:

30 years ago he played 2 years for Bobby Knight

He took a conference champion to a .500 record and three straight first-round playoff defeats.

He bankrupted the entire ABA league.

He ruined the New York Knicks who at the time was a historically proud NBA franchise.

Those things alone should bring fear to any athlete director but then there are these things that took place when he was in charge of the Knicks to consider:

It would be hard for Florida International not to get better considering their record this past season and the antics of Thomas’ past might even land them some games on ESPN but did they sell their soul in order to obtain Thomas? We see what a disaster he was at the Knicks so you should wonder if he is even capable at reading an NCAA rulebook. However you can look at it like this: If Isiah can find another job; the economy must finally be on the mend.

Rumor has it that the students have already petitioned to change the school’s abbreviation:

If you believe you have a crap job and your boss is an asshole and/or bitch, then my advice is to continue reading this gem of a post & be thankful. So STFU whining about your job and get to reading!

A former housekeeper is suing Kobe Bryant and his wife, Vanessa, on the grounds that Vanessa micromanages in such a demented way that people will think working for Martha Stewart was a walk in the park.

According to a lawsuit that was filed by Maria Jimenez, Vanessa Bryant verbally abused her, called her names that I myself would normally use in only speaking of my ex, humiliated her in front of the family and other employees, and the death blow, “demanded that Maria put her hand in a bag of doggie doo-doo to retrieve the price tag for the blouse” that she had accidentally ruined. Man Double Dare re-enactments have come a long way from when I was a kid.

This suit would have been solid gold if the maid claimed Vanessa also asked her “How’s my dog’s ass taste?”

I’m not sure how and why the price tag wound up in a bag of doggie doo-doo, but by God Vanessa wanted it back so she can deduct the cost of the blouse from the maid’s paycheck.

The Toronto Raptors center, Chris Bosh turned 25 yesterday and received a gift that I have never received. The gift was he learned that on the same day news has surfaced about a lawsuit that was filed throwing deadbeat dad accusation. I wonder if this was listed on his Amazon.com wish list.

According to a lawsuit that was filed in Maryland, Bosh and his ex-girlfriend, Allison Mathis, were shacking up in ’08 and they decided that Bosh would be her baby’s daddy. Mathis states everything was fine until he returned from that CGI hell on earth known as Beijing where he participated in the Olympics last August. By the time she was seven months preggers he dumped her ass. She is claiming for the stress that this situation has brought along with the refusal to support her, caused complications with the pregnancy. Mathis gave birth in November via C-section and Bosh has only been in the same room with her twice.

Somebody call Maury and make sure this is legit… Judging by the “bigger the hoop, the bigger the ho” principle, a paternity test is necessary.

Working from a Oliver Stone conspiracy angle, the Toronto Starequates Bosh’s poor on court performance since the lawsuit was filed:

“But Mathis filed suit on Nov. 26, 2008, and, not long after, Bosh and the Raptors fell into an abyss. Bosh, who averaged 26 points a game on 54 per cent shooting in November, averaged 21 points a game on 44 per cent shooting in December, and the team he leads, after putting together a win-loss record of 8-8 in October and November, went 4-12 for December, a stretch of abysmal play that saw coach Sam Mitchell fired and a hotly anticipated season began to disintegrate into its current tatters.”

It’s nice when the injuries excuse runs out to be able to latch on to the personal-issues angle.

Naturally Bosh has responded and says he will take care of his responsibilities. Interestingly enough back in December Bosh had a curious choice for his movie viewing pleasure. I wonder if he chose this movie for its entertainment value or if it was some sick prelude of what the future held. After all nobody but Bosh could have predicted this.