Thursday, June 21, 2007

You’re A Terribly Sexy, Terribly Sucky Divorce Lawyer Day!

You are as sexy as you are terrible at divorce law. You’re also real lonely. So when your female clients, half-crazed by the emotional whirlwind of divorce, inevitably come onto you, you can’t help but respond in kind. You don’t have time to go out and meet someone because you’re too busy trying not to suck at your profession (an uphill battle). Therefore, when an offer of intimacy comes your way, it’s hard not to accept.

It never works out though. Your clients are all out of their minds with mourning over the marriage that was supposed to last forever, and they don’t really want much more out of you than a few weeks of self-destructive nudity, and an awe-inspiring settlement.

The bloom comes off the rose when you lose their cases and leave them penniless without even managing to finagle them some child-support. You try to guilt them into staying, telling them that they should be ashamed for not valuing you for who you are over what you can do for them. But they just shout some crap about not being able to pay for their kid’s tuition to the school for the hearing impaired and having to put him back into special ed at the public school. Like that makes you feel any better. It’s lonely being a sucky divorce lawyer who’s really attractive. Poor thing.