Wednesday, March 25, 2009

No one likes a messy breakup. Some don't like a breakup at all. The ones who don't like it at all fall into one of two categories. The first is those who have had to break up with the other person because they ended up finding out that they were a despicable creature. Finding out things like they're cheating on you, they gave you gonorrhea, forged your checks and other similar actions are just cause to break up, even if they thought the relationship was just fine that morning. But once the burning when urinating sensation kicks in and you pretty much realize that the relationship, the one that was fine a few minutes ago, is now over, well, it really makes you want to strangle the person. For ruining your day, for ruining your relationship and for giving your gonorrhea.

But then there's the second category where you're the person being broken up with. For whatever reason (usually none of the above, but sometimes!) the other person just doesn't want to be with you. And if you still want to be with them, that's going to be a little tricky, as they don't want to be with you. Hence, all of the breaking up and stuff. Some folks try to get the other person back, to get them to change their mind. That's fine, but only if you go about it in a way that would make the other person WANT to be with you. Trying to get the other person back that only reminds them of why they broke up with you is not helpful to your cause. Things like handcuffing yourself to your estranged beloved and then biting him as he's on the phone with the 911 dispatcher will not cause him to be penning nuptials anytime soon.

A one Helen Sun, a 37-year old woman with questionable mental stability, was arrested on Monday in Connecticut after behaving in a similar fashion. Sun claims that she just "wanted to have a conversation with Robert Drawbaugh without him leaving", according to a story in the AP. I guess the phone wasn't an option. So she did the next best thing by changing the locks on their bedroom door and then handcuffing herself to him while he slept. Well, SHE thought it was the next best thing. I'm not so sure that HE did.

He managed to get to his cell phone to call 911 and tell the dispatcher that "he woke up handcuffed, was still bound to his wife and was holding her down." When the dispatchers asked why his wife was attacking him, rather than shouting the most obvious, "Because she's crazy! Send help!" he instead replied it was because he divorced her and (this will come as a shock) that "she has a history of violence." Really?! Did not see that coming.According to the story in the AP, "Dispatchers heard Drawbaugh scream in agony, apparently as his wife bit him. "Ohttp://www!" Drawbaugh shouted repeatedly. 'Are they almost here? Oh God. I need help!" " Now, I do not know why his screams of agony start off with a URL. Maybe he's some sort of a programmer, I don't know, the story didn't elaborate. But I found it odd, as I really don't know what that part of a URL sounds like.

The cops finally arrived and broke in through the front door, as she had locked it and he was unable to get up and let them in. You know, because he was handcuffed to this lunatic and she was biting him. All so that she could talk without him leaving. I don't know how she was going to get a word out with her mouth all full of forearm like that. Perhaps she didn't think this plan through enough. You think?She was charged with 3rd degree assault, disorderly conduct, reckless endangerment and unlawful restraint. She's still being held in jail from what I could tell and I'm sure that's just fine with Mr. Drawbaugh, especially since he told the cops that Ms. Sun "...is obsessive and a danger to him and his friends and family....and that she hired private investigators to follow him." I'm thinking she would have been wise to stay with the PIs instead of getting all bite-y with him. According to a one Chris Liddy from the Fairfield Police Department, "I can't say I've ever seen a scenario quite like this." No, I can't imagine that you had.

But I haven't even told you the most amazing part of this little tale. Seriously, it is the part of the story that will just blow your mind. You might have thought it was crazy up to this point, but it's about to become just a little bit less sane than it already is. Here we go: "...the couple had been married about eight years." Are you effing kidding me?! EIGHT years?! He put up with this maniac for EIGHT YEARS?! Eight MINUTES would have been longer than I would have lasted, but eight YEARS?! How is that possible?! Had he not met her before that day? I find that fascinating! And of course, the AP has no details on that phenomenon. Shocking, I know. Modern media. All inclusive in their reporting. Or was that supposed to be 'all or nothing in their reporting'? One of those. Thanks, AP.

The article concludes with the statement: "The status of their divorce is unclear." The status of their divorce may be unclear, but I have a pretty good guess as to what the status of their marriage is at this point. Not good. It seems to be not good at all.