The LeBron James Primer on Why You Shouldn’t Forgive LeBron James

Just when we’d forgotten all about our national prerogative to be pissed at LeBron James, the Miami Heat star comes out with this, an efficient little crash course on all the reasons he’s disliked. This latest Nike commercial is a madcap, cartoonish attempt at image rehab—listing all the things he hypothetically might do, were he seeking our forgiveness. Which he is not. So buy some shoes!(It’s worth noting, for those familiar with the bulk of Nike’s pseudo-apologeticathlete commercials, that this is by far the most breezy and flip. In a good way.)

Anyway, if you’re gonna take a rain check on rooting for a Miami-based James—or buying gear with his name all over it, which is really what this is about—then choose your own Bissinger adventure. For a nostalgic look at the star’s Cleveland childhood with the Shooting Stars, click here. And for a deliciously incisive invective about the “The Decision” as the peak of ESPN-vetted self-pleasure, click here. Just do it!