In the 90s, Scott Stapp was living the life as the head ho of Creed and he was making so much money that he could have his pick of the highest paid lot lizard in a Piggy Wiggly parking lot and could buy any brand of beer he wanted from the Circle K. Dude was living it. But how the mighty have fallen, because now Scott Stapp claims he’s as broke as my ear drums when I listen to a Creed song and is living in a Holiday Inn. I know, it can’t be THAT bad. Dude is living in a Holiday Inn! That shit is nicer than a lot of people’s apartment. If he really wants people to fart up loads of sympathy, he should say he’s living in a janitor closet at the Super 8.

The Miami Herald says that Scott’s wife of 8 years, former Miss New York USA Jaclyn Stapp, dropped divorce papers in his lap recently and wants full custody of their kids. Jaclyn says that Scott is in no state to raise their kids, because he’s got his arms wide open for METH. Jaclyn says that all the steroids and meth he’s put in his body have fucked up his brains. Scott apparently left his home in Boca Raton, FL in October and she hasn’t seen him since. The only contact she’s had with him has been through strange ass, meth-fueled text message he’s sent her. Jaclyn wants him to go to rehab. In her petition, she put in some of the text messages that make Scott look like a real meth philosopher:

“Florida is not safe. Biological weapons on the way. U have to leave with kids and meet me in Atlanta.”

“I’m coming to get you Satan and children. No mercy. You know how this ends. God created you and now God is ending you.”

“God is also telling me something about Palm Springs and Nashville so there’s a connection somehow. He’s also telling me DEA for some reason.”

“Wells Fargo working out my account problems. I’m out of gas. Haven’t eaten all day. I’m asking if they can spot me $1,000 so I don’t fall over from malnutrition.”

“I wouldn’t doubt it if the CIA is behind Alcoholics Anonymous.”

For a second there, I thought those were just lyrics to a Creed song.

The humanized burnt out Parliament bud lying at the bottom of an empty Natty Ice can claims that he’s completely sober and not high on meth. In a 16-minute long video on Facebook that looks like something out of The Ring if The Ring took place in a Florida trailer park, Scott says that he’s not on drugs, but is broke and living in a Holiday Inn. Scott claims that while doing an audit of his own finances and record company a few weeks ago, he found out that royalties haven’t been paid and someone used his passwords to transfer money out of his accounts.

Two things:

1. Scott Stapp should hire Detective Courtney Love to get to the bottom of this, because if anybody can find out who took Scott’s money, she can.

2. I want to feel bad for Scott Stapp, but right now I’m trying to forget the memory of me possibly pinching my nipples while watching him and Kid Rock get blown by groupie tramps in their sex tape. It was a dark time in my life. But according to Scott Stapp, it wasn’t that dark, because I didn’t watch it from a room at the Holiday Inn.

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