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If only worry was so easy! But in truth, they will make of them what you want them to, and if you are anxious then it sets the tone. And you have no need to be. Covered or not they are scars and therefore not current. Let their importance fade.

I know! I am trying to work out if I should rush to 666 or savour the process. :)

I love this! Such a good point. They wouldn't be scars if they were current. That's a really good way to think of it. Thank you.

I want to tell my story, but in the most brief way as it is late and I'm a bit tired, but I've been thinking about it so here I go;

I have a lot of self-harm scars on my left arm and my legs, I used to have a lot of pain issues due to a bone-related problem (and still have), but that pain put me in an anger-state I couldn't manage back then (now I manage it much better, and I have better control of myself), and as it absurd it may sound, a way to escape that horrible feeling of hopelessness and never ending pain was to hurt myself even more. I like to tell people who I trust that, as pain and sadness drove my life and became the main problem of my existance, I ended up so frustrated that I didn't want fate, God, causality or whatever you may believe in to decide what I was going through, so I hurt myself badly to feel that, at least, the major pain was caused by MY will, and in some sort of twisted way... I was in control, not destiny.

Now there remain a lot of scars but they surprisingly healed very very well, and some of them were deep enough or big enough to need stitches, a lot of care so that they wouldn't get infected, etc. Doctors have already treated me several ocasions due to important injuries... The brightside of it; my girlfriend has always been by my side and I will never be grateful enough to pay her back all the times she has helped me and still helps. It's been 8 years of relationship, and since two years we're living together, as happily as we can. I have my high moments, my low moments, but we love each other and that doesn't change over the years. She is capable of things nobody could, as she's capable to make me feel I'm not alone in the darkest and worst of all situations.

So, in my personal case it was never about social tendencies, being trendy or wanting to seek attention (at least not in a selfish, or childish way), it was a way to cope with things that overwhelmed me, in times I felt everything was pointless and I was struggling with every day pain from my back and spine, that nothing could improve and that I needed to take prescription drugs at least to make me physically functional. ¿What does that lead to? Becoming and addict to those prescription drugs, I still have a lot to improve and a lot of things to do better, but I'm not in the same position as I was, luckily, and I managed to take less and less, and still be able to not reach the "boiling point", in which I simply go mad and hate myself to a degree it's insane (then I hurt myself). My girlfriend says everybody who knows me loves me, yet I always hate myself, that I hate myself more than anyone else and that she never saw anybody getting to that point, so I'm changing that and I'm gaining confidence, real control, everything I may need to build a better life knowing I will have to deal with pain and still enjoy the world and pursue my goals.

I want to tell my story, but in the most brief way as it is late and I'm a bit tired, but I've been thinking about it so here I go;

I have a lot of self-harm scars on my left arm and my legs, I used to have a lot of pain issues due to a bone-related problem (and still have), but that pain put me in an anger-state I couldn't manage back then (now I manage it much better, and I have better control of myself), and as it absurd it may sound, a way to escape that horrible feeling of hopelessness and never ending pain was to hurt myself even more. I like to tell people who I trust that, as pain and sadness drove my life and became the main problem of my existance, I ended up so frustrated that I didn't want fate, God, causality or whatever you may believe in to decide what I was going through, so I hurt myself badly to feel that, at least, the major pain was caused by MY will, and in some sort of twisted way... I was in control, not destiny.

Now there remain a lot of scars but they surprisingly healed very very well, and some of them were deep enough or big enough to need stitches, a lot of care so that they wouldn't get infected, etc. Doctors have already treated me several ocasions due to important injuries... The brightside of it; my girlfriend has always been by my side and I will never be grateful enough to pay her back all the times she has helped me and still helps. It's been 8 years of relationship, and since two years we're living together, as happily as we can. I have my high moments, my low moments, but we love each other and that doesn't change over the years. She is capable of things nobody could, as she's capable to make me feel I'm not alone in the darkest and worst of all situations.

So, in my personal case it was never about social tendencies, being trendy or wanting to seek attention (at least not in a selfish, or childish way), it was a way to cope with things that overwhelmed me, in times I felt everything was pointless and I was struggling with every day pain from my back and spine, that nothing could improve and that I needed to take prescription drugs at least to make me physically functional. ¿What does that lead to? Becoming and addict to those prescription drugs, I still have a lot to improve and a lot of things to do better, but I'm not in the same position as I was, luckily, and I managed to take less and less, and still be able to not reach the "boiling point", in which I simply go mad and hate myself to a degree it's insane (then I hurt myself). My girlfriend says everybody who knows me loves me, yet I always hate myself, that I hate myself more than anyone else and that she never saw anybody getting to that point, so I'm changing that and I'm gaining confidence, real control, everything I may need to build a better life knowing I will have to deal with pain and still enjoy the world and pursue my goals.

Thank you all for reading, much love.

Thank you for sharing your story. It's good to have a girlfriend who understands you and your behaviors. Much love to you back as well. Welcome to Provider Module.

I want to tell my story, but in the most brief way as it is late and I'm a bit tired, but I've been thinking about it so here I go;

I like to tell people who I trust that, as pain and sadness drove my life and became the main problem of my existance, I ended up so frustrated that I didn't want fate, God, causality or whatever you may believe in to decide what I was going through, so I hurt myself badly to feel that, at least, the major pain was caused by MY will, and in some sort of twisted way... I was in control, not destiny.

I know this sensation remarkably well, or at least something akin to it. The only times I have ever self harmed is when I needed to regain control from pre existing physical pain that was so overwhelming and painful the only way that seemed possible to handle it was to create another site of pain that was under my own control. With the added benefit that it is 'surface' pain and so almost a feeling of pleasure in comparison, when I could no longer notice anything that else that felt good.

I am glad you have got the anger and back pain under more control now, and you don't have to continue to compensate for the loss of agency all the time. Your girlfriend sounds very understanding, and your own growth is quite remarkable. :)

I know this sensation remarkably well, or at least something akin to it. The only times I have ever self harmed is when I needed to regain control from pre existing physical pain that was so overwhelming and painful the only way that seemed possible to handle it was to create another site of pain that was under my own control. With the added benefit that it is 'surface' pain and so almost a feeling of pleasure in comparison, when I could no longer notice anything that else that felt good.

I am glad you have got the anger and back pain under more control now, and you don't have to continue to compensate for the loss of agency all the time. Your girlfriend sounds very understanding, and your own growth is quite remarkable. :)

You described it exactly the way it is. It seems a way of empowering yourself because nothing works properly for so long, and you are so angry and desperate because of that pain that you create another one, a bigger one maybe at the moment, or one that distracts you from the central pain and you feel at least you have some sort of control over your body. The bad thing is I used to self-harm me in big ways so it wasn't only little cuts on the skin but sometimes deep cuts that were a bit scary to see (if I'm sincere with myself now) and also I used to hit myself with objects, which created wounds and holes that were also to take consideration of. Now I don't self-harm myself, or I don't do it as much as I used to do, I paint my arm in red color and I do other things in case I feel I'm going to be overwhelmed by something (be it the pain or not), and only sometimes I get so frustrated and tired of myself and the whole situation I end up maybe hitting something and breaking it, which leaves also my hand full of open skin and blood all over the floor. When that happens, it's always a sad and emotionally painful process because like with drugs, you feel you have relapsed, but in fact it's not even a quarter part of bad as it was before, so I'll have to look at the brightside. Sometimes one asks himself, "how did I get here? I was the one with no problems that even would catch a cold...". Oh, and yes, my girlfriend is amazing, the way she has been able to handle this is incredible and shows me how much she truly loves me. I know, because it is like it is, any other regular girl would probably have abandoned a pill-addict, self-harming asshole. But she stayed with me...

Thank you Enname for your answer, it made me feel closer to someone else who understands the problem, and I hope you never have to self-harm again, that will mean you don't hold such amount of pain to seek for that extreme output. You guys (and girlzs) are lovely.

I was recently talking with someone who was self-harming. I get the whole idea of "distraction/diversion"...but, why is it that when we already feel badly, pain, whether emotional or physical, typically people attempt to do things that make them feel worse...not better? That's interesting, isn't. It?

"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."Ephesians 6:12, KJV

I was recently talking with someone who was self-harming. I get the whole idea of "distraction/diversion"...but, why is it that when we already feel badly, pain, whether emotional or physical, typically people attempt to do things that make them feel worse...not better? That's interesting, isn't. It?