TOP TEN REASONS WHY EXOTICAT WON'T BE AT MONKEYSKULL'S PARTY THIS YEAR

10. The Voodoo Lounge isn't red enough
9. Not a single go-go cage on the premise
8. Nobody enjoyed the fried Monkey Balls that I brought for the potluck last year
7. Sweetpea hasn't added me as a friend yet on My Space
6. Spending a whole evening without hearing any Josh Groban would be traumatic
5. Couldn't find that Watermelon guy in your photos at the party and still angry about it
4. Heard Woofmutt is still serial killing in that area
3. Getting my claws sharpened that day
2. Jesus forbids my attendance
1. Still haven't received blackmail payment from Monkeyskull for unauthorized Tikimentary footage shot last year

The "red painted" person is me. And it's not paint. It's a pigmentation condition of my skin which I have no control over.

Whenever I roll in dry raspberry JELL-O or strawberry KOOL-AID powder my skin turns bright red. I was taunted for many years at school about this until I decided to take my so called "handicap" and celebrate it in the guise of Watermelon Man.

As Watermelon Man I have spread joy and happiness and an understanding that whether your skin turns red from rolling in cherry JELL-O or your tongue is blue from a Louie-Bloo Raspberry Otter Pop you are a valuable person in the world.

OK, so the melon slice thong did eventually cause my third wife to leave me for the Hub Kap King. (Sorry Exoticat...Or should I say Hub Kap Kweenie? I know we agreed to never mention our past here at Tiki Central but pert near everyone knows now.) But as Watermelon Man I have taught hundreds of people (including guests of last year's Monkey Skull Voodoo Lounge International Tiki Day party) the message of acceptance. Taught them with a healthy dose of watermelon flavored laughter, of course.

But if a TCer thinks Watermelon Man "is gross" then I don't think Watermelon Man can make the Monkey Skull Voodoo Lounge International Tiki Day 2005 party.

Woofmutt will be at the Monkey Skull Voodoo Lounge International Tiki Day 2005 party, hang dog expression and tail between his legs. Hopefully no one will think he "is gross".

Ah, lovely ol' boring but scenic Maine. I sympathise. I lived in Wells, Maine for 6 months in late 2002/early 2003 before deciding I needed to leave for civilisation again, lest I put a gun to my head.

King Tiki in Portsmouth, NH was a fantastic tiki bar I frequented once a week during my short stay in Maine. The place was owned by the wonderful and generous Robert and Melissa Jasper (owners of 'The Friendly Toast'). All the decor at King Tiki was brought in from other parts of the country -- e.g., California, Florida, etc., and the physical result was very impressive, indeed. The place apparently started out with 'a vision' and with stalwart tiki bar intentions but -- like so many other places in the same boat, that end up eventually running aground -- soon began declining, until it eventually lost business and went out of business. (When I frequented the place on Friday nights, Heavy Metal karaoke on Thursday nights was King Tiki's biggest drawing night of the week. That should indicate the state of affairs the place was in.)

Anyway, back to International Tiki Day at Pete's Pad. I want to thank you, Pete, for attending my Lounge & Exotica Meet N Greet party last Sunday. I'm going to be going out of town for a couple days, starting this Sunday, and have many things to do before then, but I'm going to do my best to at least make an appearance at your party tomorrow. If not, save me a monkey skull!

<<OK, so the melon slice thong did eventually cause my third wife to leave me for the Hub Kap King. (Sorry Exoticat...Or should I say Hub Kap Kweenie? I know we agreed to never mention our past here at Tiki Central but pert near everyone knows now.)>>

Oh, thanks...thanks a lot. I'm not "Hub Kap Kweenie" anymore...I divorced him as well. I thought all that therapy that I paid for for you had helped, but clearly noooOOOOOooooooo it hasn't. You just had to talk *blah blah blah*.

I hope you realize you have ruined my life and especially my future. I was just about to change my name to "Sugar Mama Tiki" and whisk Sweet Daddy Tiki off to someplace exotic (I was about to close this deal with hopes of him becoming my 7th husband but now I'm sure *that's* over.) I hope you're satisfied about freeing the skeletons from the closet.

p.s. And NO we can't have just "one last rendezvous" tonight at Monkeyskulls!!!

Actually I'm still iffy about attending tonight due to big travel day yesterday:

I discovered that the area pictured in this photo is my own personal Bermuda Triangle (Hood Canal Bridge). I don't know WHAT is going on between those two black dots but my car is magnetically attracted to that area. If anyone knows the secret of the Hood Canal Bridge please let me know...it must have powers.

There's still a chance that later tonight I will feel like driving again, especially if I can make Woofmutt so happy by attending. Plus one can see shooting stars just by being out and driving, i discovered this last night.