The Code of the Road

Who controls the music? When is it okay for the co-pilot to sleep? And where the hell should you stop for lunch? These and other questions answered, in our essential guide to road trip etiquette.

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Aug 26, 2015

No two road trips are alike — except that they all involve long distances, rushed meals, and groups of tired, bored, grumpy humans sharing the same cramped quarters for hours on end. To keep everyone happy, peaceful, and safe, we recommend that all road trips be bound by the same set of rules, which we present here, in no particular order.

1. First and foremost, everyone must use the bathroom before the vehicle hits the road.

2. The driver chooses the music: Whoever is at the wheel is also in control of the stereo, unless he decides to hand that power to someone else. However, he reserves the right to take it back at any time. Should a radio station play two or more songs in a row by Styx, Warrant, or Limp Bizkit, an obscure maritime law dictates that the person in control of the radio at the time must ride in the trunk until the next gas stop.

3. At all times, the co-pilot—meaning, whoever's riding shotgun—must remain awake and available to dish out directions, adjust tunes as ordered, feed the driver french fries, and continually assure him that his former love interest is, in fact, a big loser. Passengers in the back seat are free to sleep, with the understanding that once asleep their skin is considered a blank canvas for any budding tattoo artists to, "work their magic," while alert passengers hack the sleeper's cell phone to send bogus text messages to his or her significant other.

4. All gas stops should be as efficient as possible. Avoid gas stations lacking minimarts and those that aren't visible from the highway. If a member of the entourage keeps the party waiting for more than five minutes, the driver shall move the car behind the station, giving the tardy member the impression that he or she has been left behind.

6. Whenever possible, restaurants should also be in view of the exit, and meals should be eaten quickly, with emphasis on getting back on the road and "making good time."

7. That said, if time permits, never waste a meal at a chain restaurant. Find out where the locals eat, and go there.

8. Acceptable snack foods don't smell, aren't messy, and shouldn't require napkins. That narrows your options down to basically nothing, which is good because there are no acceptable road foods—all food is disgusting when eaten in tight proximity to others.

9. But always keep extra napkins in the glove box, just in case. Baby wipes, too.

10. Never trust a motel that costs less than $75. In fact, be skeptical of anything under $100.

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11.When you pass a speed trap, it's nice to flash your lights at oncoming cars to warn them of what lies ahead.

12. But if you do get pulled over, be polite and hand over your documents. Whining and/or crying, even to save license points, is shameful.

13. Stay out of the left lane unless passing, or moving faster than the rest of traffic. Don't speed up when someone attempts to pass you. Admit defeat and move on.

14. Personal cars and rental cars are very different animals. The former should be treated like an extension of the owner's home; the latter, well...it's a rental.

15. There is no hard and fast rule about how long is too long for one person to drive. Generally, the driver should decide when it's time to hand over the reins. But some guys are stubborn. Here's something to keep in mind: By law, professional truck drivers can only drive 11 out of 14 hours, and must rest at least a half-hour somewhere in there. You are not a professional trucker. Pull over and switch drivers at the first sign of drowsiness.

16. Rest stop bathrooms are almost always nicer than gas station bathrooms, so if the option exists, choose the former. Old pros will note, however, that nothing beats the cool, clean, comfort of the bathrooms in a public library or museum—free wifi too!

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17. Empty two-liter bottles may serve as mobile restrooms only in the case of emergencies. The risk-benefit calculus here for regular use is not favorable. One instance of spillage can ruin the entire rest of the trip.

18. Resist the urge to make gesticulations at other drivers, no matter how inept their driving. You never know what might set someone off.

19. Similarly, the horn is to be used only as a warning device, not as alternate form of personal expression.

20. Time always passes more slowly on flat, straight sections of road. It's just science. Try to schedule your driving stints and naps accordingly; for instance, a good time for passengers to nap is the section between Pennsylvania and Colorado.

21. No alcohol for anyone, even in states where it's permissible for passengers to drink. It's not fair to the driver, you never know when you might have to take a shift, and drunk people are incredibly annoying.

* This article is part of The Code, an editorial partnership between Road & Track and Ford F-150.

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