Friday, January 23, 2009

Schmuck Friday

(An occasional series) This is Gough Whitlam, the ex-Prime Minister of Australia.

Don't you know who I used to be?

You might say he's the quintessential ex-Prime Minister of Australia, the Ex Man of Australian politics. He's been the ex-Prime Minister of Australia for longer than I've lived. As a matter of fact, he's been the ex-Prime Minister for over ten times longer than he's actually been the Prime Minister of Australia.

Why does he go on about it so? Why do the media go on about it so? We're never allowed to forget it: Gough Whitlam is now a somebody, but he was once a somebody that mattered. He's a guy who said, "It's Time," once upon a time. Most ex-politicians like to dwell on their achievements, but with Gough, the focus is single-mindedly, almost obsessively, focused on the achievement of his opponents, the way they managed to get the Governor-General to fire him.

I would like to propose that Gough Whitlam hereby resign from his post as Australia's quintessential ex-Prime Minister. True, it would mean giving up the spotlight and media attention naturally paid to who he once was, but he'd be able to immediately take up a post as the Man-Who-Used-To-Be-Australia's-Ex-Prime-Minister. As Australia's first former ex-Prime Minister he would enjoy a position without peer - and just imagine the media attention he'd get!

I hope the cup of morning Goughee comes stirred with some economic recession? It just doesn't taste the same if it doesn't have that authentic frisson of rising unemployment and inflation to help it go down.

Doesn't recession slow the rate of inflation, 'cause people are buying less? The inflation under Gough - so they tell me - came about because the banks printed more money, to finance infrastructure and stuff, and that lowered the value of money, but normally it's the boomtime that does the inflatin'.

Perhaps you refer to "stagflation" (the double whammy of low growth and rising inflation), although Americans seem to be the ones who really use that term.

My heart bleeds probably even more unapologetically than the next leftie, but I'm charmed when you write things like this. I suppose it's my iconoclastic streak and ambiguous relationship with "my own kind".