So, the s**t hit the fan on “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” last night, as Danielle’s seedy, coke-whorin’ past as “Beverly” was revealed and she pissed off all the women by taking the cha-cha too seriously at a dance class. Danielle first addressed rumors that she was a husband stealer, telling Jacqueline and Teresa that the rumors were BS, but then jumping on them for even thinking that it might be true. Danielle has got a point — for all this talk of loyalty, no one seems to have Danielle’s back and I kind of feel bad for her. Or I would, if she wasn’t so damn shady. And if she hadn’t put her paws all over delicious Albie.Teresa and Jacqueline brought along their hubbies to the dance lesson, while Caroline, who sat on the sidelines to watch, brought Albie. While everyone else seemed to be having a gay ol’ silly time, Danielle took the cha-cha very seriously. Because she was a dancer remember? A stripper, we later find out. She pawed on sexy Albie, which pissed off Caroline, and then she kind of pawed Teresa’s husband, which pissed off Teresa. The only person really left on Team Danielle/Beverly is Jacqueline, and considering she’s the DeYawn of the group, that’s not very helpful.

Especially when, in addition to all the rumors, there’s a book chock full of evidence. Somehow Teresa, Caroline, and Dina got a copy of Cop Without A Badge (oh producers!) and concluded that Danielle is “a piece of garbage.” Jacqueline, brave soul that she is, decided to go to Danielle about the book, despite the warnings of her family not to, because, for some reason, everyone is suddenly scared of Danielle. I mean, it was the ’80s. Who wasn’t involved in kidnapping, prostitution, and extortion during the ’80s?

Danielle really tried to cover her ass, and claimed that many of the accusations were not true — that she was arrested as an accessory, but was not really involved. A “victim of circumstance” who was in “the wrong place at the wrong time.” That she’s a “good person who got arrested. So what?” Danielle blames Dina for the book becoming common knowledge in their community, when it had been hidden for 24 years. Then she gave a very “Bella Mafia” toast about keeping your friends close and your enemies closer.

Dina is a total adult mean girl and Caroline loves to play Vito Corleone. But Danielle is shady. I just don’t believe she’s telling the truth. I would have so much respect for her if she just admitted, “F**k yeah, I tricked during the ’80s! I helped kidnap this rich kid who owed me and my boyfriend money for drugs! Whatever. It was a rough time.” Plenty of people have a past, maybe not as dramatic as Danielle’s, but crap they’d like to forget. However, Danielle hasn’t really changed in 24 years — isn’t she still as big a prostitute now, hunting for a rich husband to pay for her lavish lifestyle? Danielle may be fancier and more botoxed, but Beverly is still looking for a sugar daddy.