A Squirrel with a Bit of a Problem

Actually, there’s more than one. But the others are normal. This one is . . . well, like I said: strange. Though he must be pretty popular despite this, because there are five or six squirrels hanging out with him. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that many play together. Maybe it’s a squirrel party.

My squirrel has been scampering around on my front lawn, hiding in bushes, climbing trees . . . and making very strange noises. Now, I live in a suburban area. I see squirrels all the time. They’re usually quiet folk, if a little jumpy. I cannot count the number of times I’ve watched a squirrel chase another across the grass and up a tree—even viciously grab hold of the other’s waist and try to yank it down from the trunk—without emitting so much as a squeak.

But this squirrel just won’t shut up.

I think there’s something seriously wrong with him. He’s, like . . . sick. It’s hard to describe the noise he’s making, but I can tell you this: It’s definitely not normal. It’s like a bizarre cross between a chirp and a grunt.

He’s probably a pity case. The other squirrels only hang out with him because they feel bad. That makes sense, right? Like how people sometimes get together to visit someone who’s not quite right in the head. These squirrels decided to do some kindness to a poor, crying soul.