Living Life. Being myself. Being true to who I am through the ups and the downs of life.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Tornados

When we were trying to get pregnant I frequently had this awful recurring nightmare that Jayda, Chase and I were stuck in the path of a huge tornado. Almost always I lost Jayda in the tornado and was left without any child. I remember one terrible dream I was 6 months pregnant with a second baby and I ended up having it early but couldnt get to the hospital. The tornado came and took that baby away. I felt so horrible and so alone.

Usually in the dreams we were trying to get away from the tornado but it always seemed to catch up to us. No matter how much we tried to plan or were warned it always seemed to just want to come straight for us. One particular dream I was completely alone in a field and a huge tornado was coming my way. It was such a helpless feeling knowing I couldn't do anything to get away.

Since I've been pregnant I haven't had any tornado dreams. Perhaps it was because infertility is such a helpless feeling. And that no matter what we did infertility just seemed to follow us and there was nothing we could do to get away from it.

The day I got my positive I woke up early and googled tornados. So random, I know. I guess the dreams really got to a breaking point and I wanted to know why I was seemingly so subconciously interested in tornados. At that point I had no idea I was pregnant and wouldn't know til the end of the day when AF was being a biatch and taking her sweet time.

I read about what to do if you ever came close to a tornado. FYI, under freeway overpasses are the WORST place to go if a tornado is headed your way. Your welcome. I even watched videos of some of the worst tornados in U.S. history. For some reason I was fascinated by its power and its force. How helpless those people who had no idea about the tornado must have felt.

Last night I dreamt that I was eating Funyuns and drinking a bottle of coke. Talk about riveting! Apparantly, the tides have turned and salty food is on my mind. I've been eating so many doritos I swear this baby is going to come out looking orange.

I'm pleading and begging my subconcious to continue to dream about food and lolipops. At least for the next 7 months!