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Spoiler Tag

Spoilers - : [Text Text Text](#spoil "Hidden text")

How it shows up: Text Text Text - Mouse over the black bar to see the spoiler text.

Let's say Zurg is an 8ft tall metal-suited guy with an ion blaster on his arm. The scenario? Zurg lands on Earth, alone, looking for Buzz Lightyear so he can finally get his revenge or some shit. Naturally, he goes straight to Quahog Space Centre, where Peter, Quagmire, Joe and Cleveland are responding to a call they received on their A-Team phone. Zurg starts blasting people, demanding they lead him to Buzz, and noone has any idea what he's talking about. Cue cries of "Oh no!" from Bruce.

Peter hears the screams and immediately assumes responsibility of the situation. Peter's immediate reaction is to walk straight up to Zurg when his back is turned and start shouting "No! No! Stop it! Bad!" whilst simultaneously whacking the Emperor with a rolled up newspaper. This pisses Zurg off a little more, who blasts the newspaper out of his hand and the fake cigarette from his mouth.

At this particular moment, Meg enters the scene to tell Peter Lois wants him at home and sees the mortal peril her father's in. Just as Zurg is about to obliterate Peter, Meg jumps between them, screaming "NNOOOOo!". She explodes into dust as the ion blast hits her. Peter is silent for a second then nonchalantly exclaims "Shut up Meg.".

The rest of the team seize this opportunity while Zurg is confused to grab Peter and get the hell out of there, judging that they weren't a decent match. They hop in the van, waiting briefly as Joe is winched slowly into the back, and drive haphazardly back to Peter's, where Peter promptly crashes the van into Stewie's latest invention, a giant ray gun which had just emerged from the front yard, possibly the only thing that may have the power to stop the alien Emperor.

"Sorry, Stewie, I'll buy you a new one!"

Ignoring Stewie's cries of insubordination and anger, the four of them make their way inside to devise a plan. Gathering information from the local news, or at least the relevant bits in between spurts of insults and sexism between Tom and Diane, they formulate a new plan.

Judging that more people's lives are in danger, they waste no time in getting back to the scene. Peter says he has just the thing. Bewildered, the other 3 follow Peter to his backyard, where they climb into the Peterang. They set off, before crashing back down a few seconds later right where they started.

"Just for the record, we were at the space centre for a brief moment."

Jumping out, Peter exclaims "To the Petercopter!" and runs off, his friends quickly following. Within minutes they are back on the scene, although they had to wait another few minutes for Peter to find a parking space outside. After a short inner conflict between driving around again or waiting for someone to leave, Joe cries sarcastically "Ow! My legs! I can't walk! Well at least we can park in the disabled spot now..." to which Peter adheres and a relieved trio get out after him, revelling at his stupidity.

Their next hurdle was getting inside - Zurg had barricaded himself in with hostages. Suddenly, out of a nowhere, what appears to be a greased-up deaf guy jumps out in front of them, beckoning them to follow. Confused but nevertheless intrigued, they follow him to a back door to the space centre, which is unfortunately locked.

"Don't worry, I'm on it," Quagmire exclaims as he starts unzipping his pants. He walks up to the door, thrusts his pelvis at it and starts murmuring what sounds distinctly like "Giggity, giggity" over and over until a soft click is heard. Quagmire, looking quite pleased with himself, zips up and pushes the door open.

Joe, being a police officer, draws his gun and makes his way inside, after being helped up a step by the other four, the greased-up deaf guy frollicking merrily between them before disappearing into the dark passage they were entering. At the end of a long hallway they heard Zurg's robotic voice screaming "BUZZ! BRING ME BUZZ LIGHTYEAR!". They sprint down the hallway, Peter stopping several times for breath.

Emerging from behind a reception desk, the A Team are now behind Zurg as he shouts his demands out the window to a small crowd of onlookers and police officers who had just arrived on the scene.

"Put your hands up, you robot punk, and nobody gets hurt."

Zurg pauses mid demand, and spins rapidly on the spot, attempting to blast the intruders. Joe is however too fast and shoot the Ion Blaster before it goes off, exploding it in a shower of metal and sparks.

"You think you have me now, puny Earthlings? You have nothing!"

Zurg pushes a button on his chest and a suddenly the room is filled with a bright light. After a few seconds, the brightness subsides and before them is a giant, 50ft towering hulk of a Zurg, looking down at them with his disapproving robot face. There are 3 quiet "poot" sounds emitted from Peter, Quagmire and Cleveland's pants. Joe, however, looks unperturbed. He pulls a radio from his lap and screams "CRIPPLES UNITE!".

A low rumbling slowly rises to a thunderous crash as from all around them, windows are smashed in as hundreds and hundreds of wheelchair users come flying through windows and doors. Before Zurg has time to react, a giant wheelchair-based robot has formed in front of him, equal in size, and the two begin to wrestle, smashing parts of the space centre atrium to pieces and rocking the large rocket filling up most of the glass dome they're in.

From the top of the rocket a little porthole opens and a slice of ham flies out, slapping Zurg on the shoulder. Adam West's face appears at the porthole opening, looking quite pleased with himself.

The two giant beings fight for what seems like hours, or at least ample time for Peter and the others to crack open a few beers and watch from nearby. Finally, the Crippletron pins Zurg down and smashes in his visor.

Just as Crippletron is about to send the finishing punch into Zurg's smashed face, Zurg feebly mutters "I just wanted... to see my son...". He shrinks back down to normal size, and Peter and Cleveland rush forward to seize him. They hand the villain over to the police, Joe insisting that he will be treated well due to his desire for family, understanding this notion.

Later that day, the four are awarded with medals for their Bravery. As they stand there in front of the crowd, waving as they erupt with applause, Peter says to his friends "I guess you can say he deZurgs everything gets, eh?". Quagmire slaps him hard across the face.