Culture, and Customs

Australian language,
culture, and custom

In major cities of Australia, life and language is
as cosmopolitan, homogenous and metrosexual as in New York or
London. However, over the mountains and across the plains is the
"real" Australia: an ancient, untamed land of hazard and mystery,
and of exotic cultures and dialects that remain remarkably
well-preserved, despite the resident population's access to
literature and modern-day telecommunications.

aggy (n., agg-ee) A person from a rural or
agricultural background, particularly if they adopt the image,
lifestyle, and symbols that are stereotypically-unique to rural life
in Australia. The brands "R.M. Williams", "Drizabone", "Akubra", and
"Holden" are predominant. Females of the type wear smoothed bob
haircuts, fob-chain necklaces, and their shirt collars ludicrously
turned up at the back. anythink or anyfink (n., enny-thing-k;
enny-fing-k) Accepted pronunciation of the English word "anything",
meaning: "nothing" or "whatever".

Australia (n., oss-trayl-yah) The great southern
land, terra australis, the world's largest island continent (right),
parked just below South-East Asia, in the region of Oceania,
separating the Pacific and Indian Oceans. To say that Australia has
stations (ranches, farms) the size of Texas is no joke. Australia's
land mass is only slightly smaller than the USA mainland, or all of
Europe, for example, however as the world's flattest, lowest, and
driest land mass (except for Antarctica) overall, it can sustain
only a relatively tiny population. On the plus side, there are
seemingly infinite miles of fabulous beaches, coral reefs,
rainforests, deserts, mountains, even alps. The more populated
regions, particularly the eastern seaboard, appear fertile and
green, but away from coastal hinterlands, the land gradually becomes
flatter and drier. The major cities compare in size and
sophistication to those anywhere in the world, but on the plains and
in the outback, the basic culture and lifestyle have changed little
over the last century. Just off the eastern coast of Australia is a
pristine ski resort and environmental theme park known as "New
Zealand" (right: two elongated islands coloured hot pink).

average (adj., av-rij) Below par; not quite good
enough, as in: "that was a pretty average effort, mate", meaning:
"you could have done a lot better than that".

bewdy (n., biew-dee) A good thing, as in the
common expression: "you little bewdy", meaning: "you good thing".
Derived from the English word beauty.

bickie (n., bick-ee) An abbreviation of the
English word biscuit. Australians tend to abbreviate nouns or short
phrases, then add an "ee" sound at the end. There are numerous other
examples, including "sickie" (sick leave, or taking a day off from
work), and "cozzie" (swimming costume).

billy (n., bil-lee) 1. A tin container with wire
handle; used for boiling water over a campfire, usually for the
infusion of tea leaves known as "billy tea". 2. A bong or
water-pipe.

bloke (n., blow-k) Very common term for an adult
male Australian, can be used with affection and respect ["he's a
good bloke"], to emphasise masculinity ["he's a real bloke"], or as
an excuse ["he's just a bloke"].

bunyip (n., bun-yip) Towering, dangerous bush
creature. Do not approach or acknowledge a bunyip in the wild. The
bunyip is responsible for the disappearance of many visitors to the
bush, particularly attractive females, some of whom find their
mumbling, dribbling, flatulence and bad attitude strangely
compelling.

bush (n., boosh-ee) 1. Australian forest, ranging
from dense to scrubby. Some vast bush areas are virgin and protected
by legislation. Most are regularly logged, and clearing for
development is rampant in some regions. 2. Thatch of female pubic
hair.

Bushfaery (n., boosh-fayr-ee) Comedic,
self-proclaimed 'high-priestess' of Australiana. The Bushfaery
("Bush") character is styled by 'serious' academic and creative
director, Melanie Williamson. Ms Williamson became something of an
icon as the tutu-wearing accordion player in the legendary
Bushwackers band during their 1990's resurgence. "I couldn't live
down my old band image," she said, "so I put it to good use."
bushie or bushy (n.) A person from the bush, or at home in it.

cockatoo (n., cock-or-two) 1. Native Australian bird; large,
flighted. Cockatoos come in many colour combinations, the most
iconic being white or black with a sulphur-coloured crest. Their
powerful beaks can shred a pine cone in seconds. Cockatoos mate for
life, and are commonly kept as pets because of their amusing antics
and ability to mimic human language, as in: "Hello, Cocky!". 2.
Person who demonstrates attention-seeking behaviours.

cocky (n., cock-ee) 1. Abbr. for "cockatoo". 2.
Land-owning farmer (left), many of whom remain eligible for marriage
due to their remote and rugged lifestyles, however interested
females should be warned that the strong-looking man's man of the
faraway eyes and few words may transpose into a distant,
controlling, self-absorbed, and homosocial partner.

crikey (n., cry-kee) Inoffensive expletive, as in
"Oh, crikey!" (crikey golly, exaggerated form). Thought to have
developed as a cover-up for having started to utter a blasphemous
expletive, as in: "Oh, Chri(st)...key!"

dag (n., da-ag) 1. Piece of wool hanging from a
sheep's arse around which excrement has dried to create a dangling,
bead-like effect. 2. Affectionate term for someone who is not
contriving in any way to make a good impression. 3. Casual in attire
and/or attitude. (daggy adj., dagging v., also dag v. as in "to dag
around the house")
dinky di (n./adj., ding-kee-doy) Stereotypically Australian, thought
to be a derivative of "fair dinkum" (see below).

drop bear (n., drop bair) Ferocious, teddy
bear-like native Australian creature. Some are close to human in
size. They await human prey by hiding in the low branches of gum
trees, then drop unexpectedly and cuddle their victims to death.

drought-proofing (v., drow-ut prew-fing) For a
cocky (see above), the act of marrying a nurse or teacher, or
someone who is prepared to become either in marriage, so as to
provide reliable off-farm income in times of drought, which is
almost all the time.

fair few (pron., f-ayr f-iew) Variable but precise
number quoted between cockies (see above) when counting sheep onto a
truck, as in Cocky #1: "How many you got up there now, Len?"; Cocky
#2: "A fair few, Len."; meaning 138 in the Bogan River region, and
differing specific amounts elsewhere.

feral (n., f-ayr-roo-l) 1. Introduced species such
as the fox, pig, cat, and cane toad that run amok in the bush and
provide country folk with plenty of things to bait, trap and shoot
at. 2. Derogatory or dismissive term used by folk in smaller country
towns for people who would be considered "alternative" or
"contemporary" in an urban setting, such as those featuring any/all
of the following indicators: piercings, tattoos, dreadlocks, wearing
of sarongs of other 'hippy'-like clothing, vegetarianism, university
education in philosophical subjects, social conscience, no bra
(females), partaking of cannabis in a social setting, living in
non-wedlock relationships, lack of attendance to a house of
Christian worship on Sundays, and/or the wearing of a backpack.

Flying Doctor (p.n., f-loy-ing dock-tah) Aerial
medical emergency service providing treatment and transport (right)
for the sick or injured in remote, sparsely-populated areas of
Australia (and that's most of the continent, actually).

gormley (n./adj., gawm-lee) Discriminatory term
used by squatocracy (see below) in reference to people of lesser
socio-economic standing, or otherwise regarded as inferior to
themselves, for example an abandoned wife keeping her family
together on welfare payments. Used as a noun: "he is such a
gormley", and as an adjective: "they are a gormley family". (gormley
slumley n./adj., more extreme form of the same thing).

gumboot (n., gum boot) Rubber boots commonly used
in the wet on farms, similar to "wellingtons" or "galoshes". Their
wide leg-openings allow farmers, particularly in New Zealand, to
steady the rear legs of sheep while they access the animal's
"business end".

homosocialism (n., hoe-moe-soe-show-lyzz-um) A
preference for socialising with one's own gender, still extremely
common at pubs, clubs and social gatherings in smaller country towns
whereby 'the men' tell loud, funny-sounding stories to each other
around the bar, or keg of beer; while 'the ladies' sit at tables,
smiling wanly and discussing the health and progress of children and
extended families, staying sober so as to drive their men-folk home.

jumper (n., jum-pah) 1. A knitted sweater,
preferably made of pure Australian wool. Jenny Kee is famous for her
Australiana-inspired jumpers. 2. Depressed person having leapt from
The Gap, a towering, near-vertical ocean cliff-face representing the
South Head of magnificent Sydney Harbour. The Gap is a popular and
spectacularly scenic spot for suicide, and sometimes even murder!
Visitors are strongly advised to stay within the guard-rails.

kangaroo (n., kang-gah-roo) Native Australian
marsupial. An instantly-recognised national symbol, the kangaroo
breeds superbly in the wild and its lean, delicate meat is finding
acceptance on dining tables the world over. It is not true that
kangaroos hop down the main streets of Sydney, but their numbers
reach plague proportions in some rural regions. Culling is an
agrinomic and ecological necessity that invokes emotional debate
among ignorant do-gooders. Kangaroo meat has a light, game-like
flavour and is best eaten rare as it toughens when overcooked. In a
supermarket near you - enjoy some of this plentiful, low-fat,
environmentally-friendly source of animal protein today.

King Brown (n., kih-ng brow-n) Native Australian
snake, pseudechis australis, the King Brown or Mulga Snake. A ready
biter with a fatal venom. Grows to 3m, commonly found in dry
eucalypt forests, the bush. Australia has roughly 140 varieties of
land snake, and around 32 different sea snakes, however of these 172
or so, just 100 are venomous, and only 12 of the venomous varieties
are fatal to humans without timely medical intervention. Victims
should lie completely still until help arrives.

koala (n., koh-ar-lah) Native Australian marsupial
(right) that lives in certain gum trees. Not to be confused with the
aggressive drop bear, koalas are cute and apparently "stoned" on
eucalyptus. Koalas are a protected species and may not be kept in
captivity.

Lake Eyre (n. layk air) A sea-sized salt lake in
southern central Australia (left). On the once-in-a-blue-moon
occasion that it fills with water, the 'dead heart' teams with
wildlife and flora. Australia gasps in wonder at this miracle, as
seen on the evening news. Learn more than most Australians know
about their geo-science at
www.ga.gov.au/education.

lagerphone (n., lah-gar-foe-n) Percussive
instrument made from broomstick or similar, often with wooden
cross-pieces, to which metal beer-bottle tops are loosely attached
with nails. A strike of the stick on the ground, and/or with a
beating-stick, makes a simultaneous banging and rattling sound. In
the bush, the lagerphone substitutes for a drum kit. In Nova Scotia
and other parts of Canada, similar 'instruments' have evolved to be
called "ugly sticks".

lamington (n., lam-ing-tun) Cubes of sponge cake,
rolled in chocolate then dipped in coconut. A vintage Australian
treat, recently banned from school fund-raising drives thanks to a
certain American doughnut chain.

larrikin (n./adj. layr-rah-kin) Indefinable
Australian quality of playfulness and irreverence. City-dwelling
Australians these days mostly confine themselves to
larrikinism-on-the-inside, however overt larrikinism among males is
still tolerated in rural areas.

Len (p.n. le-nnn) First name of all Australian
farmers, except those with a different first name. Similarly, all
Australian farmers' grown-up sons are called "Bruce", unless they're
not; and their sons, in turn, are mostly called "Thomas".

Lympics (n. lim-pix) The Olympic Games - proudly,
safely and successfully staged in Melbourne 1956, and Sydney 2000.
map o'Tassie (n., map-oh-taz-ee) Tasmania is a jewel of an island
state off the south-east coast of Australia. The island's shape is
vaguely similar to that of a human female pudenda (see continental
map above), which is therefore commonly referred to by this polite
Australian euphemism.
mate (n., may-t) Friend, pal, buddy, comrade, kindred spirit, fellow
man.

Milo (n., my-loe) Ultra-delicious
chocolate-flavoured energy food developed in Australia in 1934. Milo
(right) is sold as crumbly powder, food bars, and ready-to-drink.
The powdered version is added to cold or heated milk - depending on
the season. Milo contains vitamins A, B1, B2, and C, plus the
minerals Calcium, Iron and Potassium - but who cares about
nutritional benefits when it's so yummy to eat straight out of the
tin by the spoonful. Addicted former visitors and ex-patriots can
order Milo, as well other Australian national or indigenous food
products such as Vegemite (see below) or wattleseed, online through
global retailers such as
www.ausimports.com .

multiculturalism (n., mull-tee-kultch-ah-roo-lizm)
The ideal of cultural tolerance and mutual respect in a nation of
immigrants where to be a "real Australian" or "true blue" is a state
of mind rather than origin.

Never Never (n., nevah-nevah) See "outback".

not so bad (adj.ph., naw-t-soh-ba-a-a-ad) Typical
form of Australian understatement, as in: Q: "how are you going?",
A: "not so bad"; meaning: "pretty good, really"; or as another
example: Q: "how are you going?", A: "not that flash, mate";
meaning: "help me, please, I'm about to die".
Nymagee Triangle (n., nim-ah-jee troy-ang-gool) Triangular shaped
region between the NSW outback towns of Cobar, Nyngan, and
Condobolin; the hamlet of Nymagee (pop. 62) lying at its centre. The
Nymagee Triangle is thought to be a distant cousin to the Bermuda
Triangle. Whole busloads of sight-seers have gone missing from the
area; and mysterious damp circles appear on local roadways at night.
ordinary (adj., oar-din-air-ee) See "average".

outback (n., owt-bak) The dry, flat, vastly
unpopulated inland of Australia. All too often, naive visitors to
the outback perish from dehydration and exposure after
under-estimating the distances and harsh conditions (right). Finding
water at all may mean dancing cheek-cheek with a crocodile. Very
nasty indeed, travellers, so don't take signposted warnings out
there lightly (below left) - let someone know where you're going and
when you should be back.

poof (n., poof) 1. Homosexual male, not to be
confused with the European footrest pouffe. 2. (adv.) to disappear
inexplicably, as in "went poof and was gone".

redback (n., red-bak) Venomous Australian spider,
commonly found under the toilet seats of 'out-houses' and public
toilets, although not so much in urban areas. Of all the thousands
of Australian spiders, arthropods and insects, only three have bites
capable of causing death without timely medical intervention - the
funnel-web spider (and related species), the red back spider and the
paralysis tick. The bite of the white-tail spider causes necrosis
(tissue death) that can require amputation of the effected area, but
is not in itself life-threatening.

road-kill (n., roe-wd ki-ull) The dirt shoulders
of country and outback roads are littered with carcasses in various
states of putrefaction. The most common victims of cars, trucks, and
tour buses are kangaroos, however sheep, wombats, goannas, snakes,
and the vermin foxes and rabbits are often encountered. No good
bushie would let fresh road-kill go to waste (the clever ones cook a
meal of it on their engine manifold, whilst driving).

sheila (n., shee-lah) Very common term for an
adult female Australian, can be used with affection and respect
["she's a good sheila"], to emphasise femininity ["she's a real
sheila"], or as an excuse ["she's just a sheila"].

shout (n.v., sshh-ow-t) Custom observed between
group of drinkers, each taking a turn at buying a round of drinks
for the group. The rules of the shout are strict, numerous, and
adhered to with near-religious obsession.

smoko (n., smoe-koe) 1. A break, the bloke's
equivalent to morning or afternoon tea, traditionally enjoyed with a
roll-your-own cigarette. 2. Cannabis, a herbal relaxant common in
Australia since the 1970s (half the population may have smoked it at
some stage, but of those now in public life, all say they never
actually inhaled).

spunk (n., spung-k) Attractive male or female, as
in "phwoar, what a spunk", meaning: "my, how attractive".
squatocracy (n., skwot-ock-ra-see) Families or individuals who have
occupied their rural land for several generations and developed an
un-Australian sense of social superiority, authority and
entitlement.

Strayian (p.n., strai-yun) Australian, as in: "Are
you Strayian?". More contemporary form than 'Strine' (see below).

Strine (n., str-eye-n) Name for the Australian
language or dialect, as loosely based on English [ab. Australian].

Sydney Tobart (p.n., sid-nee-toe-bart) One of the
world's most dangerous and competitive ocean yacht races, the
Sydney-to-Hobart fleet departs spectacularly from Sydney Harbour
every Boxing Day (the day after Christmas Day) for Hobart in
southern Tasmania.

tintookie (n., tin-took-ee) Australian bush fairy
of the species tintookie terra australis, Celtic-Gypsy in ancestry,
and a close spiritual relative of the Aboriginal bush sprite
tintookie indigenous australis. According to Dreamtime legend,
tintookies appear to help those who are lost in the bush
(particularly children). Visitors to the outback should be warned
that tintookies cannot be of assistance in dry, scrubby areas.

traditional owners (n., trah-dish-shon-ull
oh-nah-s) Wry euphemism for Australia's indigenous population, used
by some rural types who are either mindful or resentful of the
Aboriginal people's successful reclamation of some sacred sites,
traditional lands, and hunting grounds.

tree change (n., tree-chayn-j) Lifestyle change
away from the city to the bush. Similar in effect to a sea change,
but without the cockroaches, weekend traffic, and ridiculously
expensive real estate.

ute (n., yoo-t) Utility vehicle with two-door
cabin, resembling a sedan from the front but with rear open flat-top
tray, gated or solid-sided area that is ideal for the transport of
hay bales, trade tools and farm equipment. Ute models may be 4WD
variants or manufactured on the drive-train and chassis of a normal
sedan. Utes are a fashion statement and status symbol for many young
rural folk, particularly males, who often adorn them with spotlights
(for shooting pigs and 'roos), aerials (for two-way radio), huge
bull bars (for stray livestock and wildlife), and stickers saying
things like: "XXXX", "Tooheys", "Eat more beef", "I shoot and I
vote", "Virgins wanted", and "No fat chicks". Rural Australia's deep
love for the ute is typified by Lee Kernaghan's hit song : "She's My
Ute" (written with Colin Buchanan).

wattle (n., wott-ull) The Golden Wattle, acacia
pycnantha, is the floral emblem of Australia. It is a perennial,
medium-sized bush with grey-green foliage and flower clusters of
tiny, fluffy, golden balls, the air-borne pollen from which can
cause a hayfever-type reaction in some people. There are 128
different species of acacia, all beautiful in bloom, and all unique
to the Australian bush. National Wattle Day is 1st September.

wedgie (n., wedj-ee) An 'extra' beer,
self-purchased in between rounds due in the course of a "shout" (see
above).

yobie (n., yoe-bee) An indefinite measurement
meaning: "just exactly as much as one needs, and not a bit more".
Not a common expression; mainly heard among sheep farmers living on
the hard, unforgiving plains of Central Western New South Wales.

youse (n., yoo-z) Collective plural form of "you",
as in two or more people: "what do youse reckon?".