the opening car interview of brilliant brain neurosurgeon
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr (Steve Martin), a widower and the inventor
of the easy-access "Screw-Top Brain" surgery technique
explaining his choice of science for his career: ("I don't
know if I was interested so much in the science as I was the
slime that goes along with it. Snakes and frogs. And when I saw
how slimy the human brain was, I-I knew that's what I wanted
to do with the rest of my life")

the accident that claimed the life of gold-digger
Dolores Benedict (Kathleen Turner), and then Dr. Hfuhruhurr's
series of long, complicated instructions to a little-girl bystander
to call paramedics to an accident scene, who repeated or recited
back his detailed directions perfectly, and then added her own
medical diagnosis and criticism: ("ER, North Bank General
Hospital, 932-1000. Set up O.R. 6, contact anesthesiologist Isadore
Tourick, 472-2112, beep 12. Ambulance with paramedics and light
IV, D-5, and W, KVO...Sounds like a subdural hematoma to me");
incensed, Hfuhruhurr barked back: "Three years of nursery
school and you think you know it all. Well, you're still wet
behind the ears. It's not a subdural hematoma. It's epidural.
Ha!"

the pubic-hair shaving scene in the hospitl operating
room , when Dr. Hfuhruhurr questioned his assistant orderly,
who was shaving or grooming the genital area of his patient Dolores
before brain surgery, in honor of Valentine's Day: ("- What
is that? - It's a vagina. - I know what it is. I mean, what are
you doing? - Shaving her. - This is a brain operation. - I know.
- What's that supposed to be - a heart? - Yes, sir. Clive and
I thought that since it's Valentine's Day, that... - You don't
have to shave her anywhere. We'll be using my Cranial Screwtop
method of entry into the brain. - Fine. Yes, sir. - I never wanna
see that again. I suppose if it were Christmas, you'd hang ornaments
on it.")

Hfuhruhrr's gift of a book of poems written by
John Lilyson to his hospitalized wife Dolores Benedict, including
"Pointy Birds": ("Oh pointy birds, oh pointy pointy,
anoint my head, anointy-nointy...") - Lilyson "died in
1894. He was the first person ever to be hit by a car"; as
she activated the mechanical bed's lower portion to rise - to bring
him closer for their lips to kiss, he lovingly spoke: ("Poor
little bird. So fragile. So naive. So childlike. So shy. So chaste.
So innocent") - and they were soon married, bedside

the scene of seductive, gold-digging, teasing femme
fatale Dolores in a skimpy nightgown with Dr. Hfuhruhrr's
before their first anticipated night of sex together: ("Does
this do anything for you?...Good. I want our first night together
to be exciting....I hope the waiting hasn't been too hard on
you. There's something I have to tell you. This fits very snug.
And you may have some trouble getting it off me. You may have
to tear it off my body") - he was cooperatively ready: "I
can tear. I like tearing"; however, Dr. Hfuhruhurr had
frustrated reactions to her feigned illness (of debilitating
headaches) to delay the consummation of her marriage to him
(causing him to erotically tongue an X-ray of her skull, run
up walls and break doorknobs off from pent-up tension)

the "citizen's divorce" scene during
a European business trip, when Dr. Hfuhruhurr caught his wife
propositioning a client in their Viennese hotel bedroom for $15,000
to just touch her rear-end; after throwing the man out, he claimed
that she was ruining their marriage, and she retorted: ("Why?
Because you don't want me to work? You don't want me to earn
my own money? Have my own career?"); he asserted: ("You
call this a career!...Dolores, I'm making a citizen's divorce...By
the powers vested in me, I hereby declare our marriage null and
void. E pluribus unum")

the classic scene of widowed Dr. Hfuhruhurr driving
with his dead ("dead drunk") wife Dolores Benedict
in the seat next to him, when he was stopped by a Viennese Austrian
policeman (Warwick Sims) for speeding; he was required to pass
an impossible drunk-driving test with these instructions: ("Get
out of the car. Stretch out your arms and touch your nose with
your finger. Now walk this white line. Come back. On your hands.
One hand. Now, roll over, turn over and flip-flop. All right.
Now juggle these, do a tap dance and sing the 'Catalina Magdalena
Hoopensteiner Wallendiner' song"); Dr. Hfuhruhurr passed
and was not suspected of being drunk, but complained: "God
damn, your drug tests are hard!"

Hfuhruhurr's love affair after he realized he
could communicate telepathically with pickled disembodied brain
# 21 (inside a jar in a Vienna doctor's laboratory), named Anne
Uumellmahaye (voice of Sissy Spacek), who at first introduced
herself: ("Anne. Anne Uumellmahaye"); he spelled it
out for confirmation: ("U-U-M-E-L-L-M-A-H-A-Y-E") -
and soon, he placed a pair of wax rubber lips on her to kiss

also the funny encounter, in his search for a
body for his 'brain' soulmate, with a dumb, big-breasted, aggravatingly-voiced
American hooker named Fran (Randi Brooks) and her reaction to
being injected with window cleaner in her behind so that he could
insert Anne's brain into her body: "I don't mind!"

the revelation of the identity of the serial Elevator
Killer who killed Dolores: Merv Griffin (Himself) in a cameo
role, who explained: ("I've always just loved to kill. I've
really enjoyed it. But then I got famous, and - it's just too
hard for me. And so many witnesses. I mean, everybody recognized
me. I couldn't even work anymore. I'd hear: 'Who's that lurking
over there? Isn't that Merv Griffin?'")

and the funny ending in which Anne's compulsive
overeating (Anne's brain had been transplanted into Dolores'
body) caused Dolores' body to inflate - Hfuhruhurr sweetly overlooked
her weight problem (although he struggled to carry her over the
threshold after their wedding -- with his knees buckling) during
the end credits, with the statement: ("Merv Griffin did
not turn himself in and is at large. If you have any information
as to his whereabouts, call your local theatre manager")

Manhattan Murder Mystery
(1993)

the middle-aged couple of Larry (Woody Allen)
and Carol Lipton (Diane Keaton) - a married New York couple,
whose lives were energized by the 'mystery' death of their neighbor
Lillian House (Lynn Cohen), the wife of Mr. Paul House (Jerry
Adler); Carol had been stalking Paul in a movie theater and claimed
to have discovered a motive - that he might be running off with
a young pretty actress named Helen Moss (Melanie Norris): ("He
was with this young model type, and they were talking about money....So,
that's the motive")

in a late-night scene at 1 am, Larry commanded
his hyperactive wife, who wanted to investigate and enter their
neighbor's apartment by using a key, to go back to bed: ("I'm
telling you, I'm your husband. I command you to sleep!. Sleep!
I command it!...I command it! Sleep!"); she counter-argued,
with obsessive, 'Nancy Drew'-like suspicions that the non-mourning,
cheerful husband had murdered his wife: ("Larry, all I can
tell you is, if this had been a few years ago, you would have
been doing the same thing. 'Cause if you recall, we solved a
mystery. Yep, we solved a mystery once. Remember? It was the
- it was the noises in the attic mystery")

the scene of their sneaky visit into Paul's apartment,
where Larry was frantic with worry, while Carol looked for clues
and said: ("I think something's very strange, here.... I
think the whole thing is really sinister")

the many funny, acerbic one-liners by Larry: ("I've
reevaluated our lives! I got a 10, you got a 6!", "There's
nothing wrong with you that a little Prozac and a polo mallet
can't cure!", and "Jesus, save a little craziness for
menopause!")

the funny moments when a hotel elevator stalled
and Larry suddenly became very panicked: ("I'm-I'm-I'm a-a
world-renowned claustrophobic...I don't like this, I don't, I
don't...It's easy for you to say, but I can't breath, I'm phobic...I'm
not panicking, I'm not panicking, I'm...I'm just gonna say the
rosary, now...Oh, I don't know, I don't like this...I'm running
over a field, I see open meadows. I see a stallion. I'm a stallion...There's
a cool breeze passing over me. I see grass. I see dirt...Let's
go, my life is passing in front of my eyes. The worst part of
it is, I'm driving a used car"); and then, their shocking
discovery of a corpse - Lillian's body - inside an emergency
exit panel above them, with her arm dangling down: ("Oh,
my God. It's her....Oh, Jesus! Claustrophobia AND a dead body
- this is a neurotic's jackpot!")

the character of sultry writer Marcia Fox (Anjelica
Huston) who helped Larry, Carol and single playwright friend
Ted (Alan Alda) devise a trap to ensnare Mr. House

the clever recreation of the climax of The
Lady From Shanghai (1948) in the back of an old revival
theatre (the characters reenacted the mirror scene - life
imitating art - as it played behind them on the screen);
when House's spiteful paramour-accomplice Mrs. Gladys Dalton
(Marge Redmond) appeared, confronted him with a gun, and
shot him: ("Hello Paul. Didn't you expect me?...You
made a lot of promises to me, over the years. And then, you
decided to dump me for that young model...It's late for excuses...I'm
aiming at you, lover. Of course, killing you is killing myself...But
you know, I'm pretty tired of both of us")

the concluding scene of Marcia's recap of the
entire mystery to Ted as they left police headquarters: ("Oh,
listen. I'll give it to you one more time. Mrs. House had a sister
who moved to England many years ago. She changed her name when
she married. Her husband died. She moved back to New York recently,
a very, very rich widow, but a recluse. Mr. and Mrs. House knew
they weren't in her will. They have her over to dinner, she accidentally
keels over. I guessed right there. She has a reasonable resemblance
to her sister, so they fake it. Pretend Lillian House died. They
cremate the sister. Lillian checks into a fleabag joint and for
several weeks she pretends to be her sister, closing her accounts,
liquidating her assets, accumulating big money. What she didn't
realize was that her husband was two-timing her with Helen Moss,
this pretty model. So, he decides not to cut her in and go off
to, I don't know --- with his mistress and, uh, keep all the
dough. So, he kills Lillian. He cremates her, or pours molten
steel all over her or something, and, uh, that's when we came
along and tripped him up...Mrs. Dalton? She covered for him.
She loved him. Not that she dreamed he was a murderer")

the final exchange after the mystery was solved,
when Larry and Carol were walking down a NY street discussing
where they would go for dinner and talking about some of their
mutual jealousies, when Carol happened to mention their friend
Ted: (Larry: "You've got to be kiddin'. Take away his-his-his
elevator shoes, and his fake sun tan and his capped teeth and
what do you have?" Carol: "You!" Larry:
"Right! I like that..." )

M*A*S*H (1970)

"Suicide is Painless" - the anti-war
film's theme song playing on the soundtrack during the opening
credits sequence, about the dark humor of bloody wartime surgeries
and other pranks and shenanigans in the 4077th Mobile Army Surgical
Hospital (MASH) during the Korean War, including scenes of blood-spurting
surgery with casual dialogue carried on by the iconoclastic doctors
(Captain Hawkeye Pierce (Donald Sutherland) and Captain "Trapper" John
McIntyre (Elliott Gould)), and their golf-playing on the helicopter
landing pad

the scene of Hawkeye and Trapper saving the life
of a Korean infant in Tokyo

the celebrated scenes of the pranks played by
the members of a free-wheeling camp, including listening in to
uptight chief nurse Major Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan's
(Sally Kellerman) love-making tryst with hypocritical tee-totaler
Maj. Frank Burns (Robert Duvall), while a microphone was hidden
under their cot picking up their voices: (Frank asserted: "God
meant us to find each other,"
she enthusiastically opened her blouse: "His will be done,"
and then invited him: "Oh, Frank, my lips are hot. Kiss my
hot lips"), and wisecracking surgeon Trapper John McIntyre's
decision to broadcast everything on loudspeakers over the camp's
PA system: ("We have got to share this with the rest of the
camp")

the practical joke of pulling up pulling away
the front tent wall flaps of her shower stall and exposing her
to an audience of jeering spectators while 'Hot Lips' was taking
a shower with everyone lined up as spectators - to determine
if she was a natural blonde or not (a $20 bet), and her hysterical
complaint to commanding officer Lt. Col. Henry Blake (Roger Bowen)
(who was in bed with one of the nurses), including 'Hot Lips'
threat to resign: ("This isn't a hospital! lt's an insane
asylum! And it's your fault because you don't do anything to
discourage them!...Put them under arrest! See what a court-martial
thinks of their drunken hooliganism! First, they called me Hot
Lips, and you let them get away with it! And then you let them
get away with everything! And if you don't turn them over to
the MP this minute, l-l'm gonna resign my commission!")

the scene of surgeon Hawkeye asking questions
of Major Burns ("Does that big ass of hers move around a
lot, Frank, or does it sort of lie there flaccid? What would
you say about that?...Would you say that she was a moaner, Frank?...Seriously,
Frank. I mean, does she go ooohhh or does she just sort of lie
there quiet and not do anything at all?...- causing him to go "nuts",
be placed in a strait-jacket, and forcibly removed from the unit
by a military police Jeep -- (a recording of a Japanese lady
singing a 'Sayonara' song was broadcast throughout the camp:
"The time has come for us to say Sayonara, My heart will always
be yours for eternity l knew sometime we'd have to say Sayonara...l'll
remember our romance until the day that l die, l'll see your face
ln the moon and stars in the sky")

the company dentist Walter "Painless Pole" Waldowski's
(John Schuck) mock 'Last Supper' scene and phony funeral during
his assisted suicide (with a full guitar-accompanied rendition
of the film's theme song: "Through early morning fog l see
visions of the things to be, the pains that are withheld for
me, l realize and l can see. That suicide is painless, it brings
on many changes, and l can take or leave it if l please. The
game of life is hard to play, l'm going to lose it anyway. The
losing card l'll someday lay, so this is all l have to say, that
suicide is painless..."), as a cure for his temporary erectile
dysfunction, by taking a black "suicide" capsule for "certain
death": ("Now then, you've all come here to say your
final farewell to ol' Walt here... Dear ol' Walt. You know, l
got an idea that maybe it's not such a final farewell after all.
l think maybe ol' Walt's goin' on into the unknown to do a little
recon work for us all. Huh?")

the climactic slapstick inter-M*A*S*H football
game against a rival unit, in which "Hot Lips" cheered
with pom-poms and gasped: "Oh my God, they've shot him" when
the end-of-quarter gun went off, and the unique closing credits
of the cast, read by the loudspeaker announcer - and ending with "Goddamn
army" - and "That is all"

The Mask (1994)

Jim Carrey's tour-de-force of animated zany-ness,
in a dual role as the mild-mannered and nerdy bank teller Stanley
Ipkiss, and - after donning a magical mask - his metamorphosis
into a zoot-suited (in bright yellow), green-faced, flamboyant
and manic super-hero tornado and lady-killer, with the style
of Tex Avery cartoons of the 40s

the scene of Stanley's first jaw-dropping sighting
of bank customer Tina Carlyle (Cameron Diaz in her screen debut)
after entering the lobby from a rainstorm

and then Tina's second entrance as a sexy blonde
night-club singer at the Coco Bongo Club that caused Stanley
to drool over her (with his eyes popping, mouth/jaw dropping
and tongue hanging out), and motivated him to engage in a frenzied,
drum-accented dance ("Let's rock this joint") with
her - to the sounds of Cab Calloway's "Hi De Ho"

during the physically-impossible dance sequence
in the Coco Bongo nightclub, Stanely's smooch, when he leaned
her down, gave her a toothy and lascivious grin, and descended
for the kiss, shot in close-up

Stanley's scene-stealing dog Milo (Max, a Jack
Russell terrier)

with lots of quotable lines and familiar one-liners,
such as: "OOO, somebody stop me" and "SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS-MOKIN!",
or sight-gags ("Sorry, wrong pocket"
when he pulled out a condom)

the image of Stanley with gigantic guns pulled
out - a la Clint Eastwood in Dirty Harry with
referential humor: "You gotta ask yourself one question.
'Do I feel lucky?' Well do ya? Punks!"

Meatballs (1979)

a low-budget screwball teen comedy (the first major
directorial effort from Ivan Reitman) about a summer camp, without
the usual raunchy sex angle but with lots of romantic sub-plots

the introduction of the character of head Camp North
Star summer camp counselor Tripper Harrison (Bill Murray in his
debut starring film role); a practical joker, he pretended to be
the program director Jerry Aldini for the wealthy,
athletically-superior rival Camp Mohawk located across the lake,
that charged $1,000 a week: "We have some special programs. We're
doing Shakespeare in the Round again this year, of course. Our
political round table. Henry Kissinger will appear. Yasser Arafat
is gonna come out, spend a weekend with the kids, just rap with
them...And the kids wanted animals, so this year, each camper will
stalk and kill his own bear in our private wildlife preserve....But
the real excitement, of course, is gonna come at the end of the
summer, during Sexual Awareness Week. We import two hundred hookers
from around the world, and each camper, armed with only a Thermos
of coffee and $2,000 cash, tries to visit as many countries as
he can, and the winner, of course, is named King of Sexual Awareness
Week, and is allowed to rape and pillage the neighboring towns
until camp ends"

in a bus station diner, Tripper's words of encouragement
to shunned camper Rudy Gerner (Chris Makepeace), by vowing to threaten
the bullies with a Swiss Army knife: "I'll get 'em. I'll get 'em
with this Swiss Army knife. The Swiss trained me to kill, and I
will do it. I will grab these guys by the neck, take the toothpick,
and stick it right in between their teeth. And then I'll slap them
around the head a couple of times. They'll go out for just a couple
of seconds, they'll be unconscious, and while they're doing that,
I'll go for the corkscrew. And I'll grab 'em, and I'll take that
corkscrew, and I will stick it right into the voice box. I will
twist that mofo, I will twist it into his voice box, and rip that
thing, rip it out, and he'll talk like this for the rest of his
life"

the scene of Tripper putting the moves on head
female counselor Roxanne (Kate Lynch): "I have to tell you this as
a friend. I can see right down your blouse. I can see everything,
too...Roxanne, I have what doctors call 'very active glands'.
You're the only person I've told, my folks don't even know"; he then
proposed: "Let's wrestle"; as they struggled together, he called out:
"The atomic skull crusher...Dip lock...Shark-infested waters!";
then he put her over his lap and began biting her ass, but then
told the camp's director Morty Melnick or "Mickey" (Harvey Atkin)
the reverse of what had happened: "She attacked me...She came at
me like an animal"

Tripper's strategy to "lose with some self-respect"
in a basketball game against Camp Mohawk, by pulling down the shorts
of the opposing players; afterwards, he proudly exclaimed: "This
is the proudest moment in North Star history!"

the campfire scene, when Tripper told a scary horror
story to the campers: "It's a weird moon. The moon kills,
you know. It feeds off the earth. On a night like this, one of
us could get up in the middle of the night, grab an ax, and cut
somebody's head off. I remember a night like this a few years ago.
A guy and a girl went out driving, it was one of their first dates.
It started out kind of casual, but they ended up deciding to go
park, not too far from here, as a matter of fact. While they're
goin' at it, listening to the radio, all of a sudden, a news bulletin
broke in. 'A dangerous lunatic has escaped from the hospital
for the criminally insane at Two Pines'...They described him as
a monster, six-and-a-half-feet tall, two hundred sixty pounds,
with one horrible distinguishing feature - a sharpened stainless-steel
hook where his right hand used to be. That was enough for the guy.
He slammed the car into gear, floored it, bounced off a tree, didn't
stop till they got to the girl's house. Got out of his side, walked
around to hers. There, hanging in the door, covered with blood
was a stainless-steel hook....The strangest part, is that after
all these years, after the biggest manhunt in Two Pines' history,
they never found the killer. Some people say he's still up here
in the woods, waiting for the chance to kill again. And I say,
I say they're right!" - he held up his own hooked hand

the rousing motivational speech given by Tripper
to his campers after one day of the yearly, two-day Olympiad
competition against Camp Mohawk; he told his demoralized campers
that it didn't matter if they lost, even if they had already lost
the contest 12 years in a row: ("It just doesn't matter. IT
JUST DOESN'T MATTER. I tell you, IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER! IT JUST
DOESN'T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER! (everyone chanting)
IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN'T
MATTER! --- " and he was able to get the campers to begin
chanting the four words

the Olympiad challenge itself, with contests
including cup stacking, potato-sack racing, and a 5-minute hot
dog-eating contest (won by Fink over his opponent "The Stomach" (Peter
Hume)), and North Star's final victory in a cross-country run by
Tripper's jogging partner Rudy - after
he was given a strategy pep talk by Tripper and nicknamed "Rudy
The Rabbit"

the story was about a stranded, gold-digging American
chorus girl Eve Peabody (Claudette Colbert) who arrived at a train
station in a rainy Paris ("So this, as they say, is Paris, huh?...Well,
from here it looks an awful lot like a rainy night in Kokomo, Indiana")
after a night of gambling losses in Monte Carlo
- with only her gold lame evening gown on her back (she had pawned
away her luggage)

Eve's immediate friendship with poor, blue-collar
Hungarian immigrant taxi driver Tibor Czerny (Don Ameche) who fell
in love with her at first sight; he asked: "Do you always travel
in an evening dress?" Eve: "No, I was wearing this in Monte Carlo
when a nasty accident occurred." Tibor: "What happened, fire?"
Eve: "No. The roulette system I was
playing collapsed under me. I left the casino with what I had on
my back"

Tibor assisted her in trying
to find new employment by driving her around town, but initial
efforts failed to find her a singing job: ("I guess mine is strictly
a bath tub voice")

masquerading as Hungarian
Baroness Czerny and gate-crashing into a fancy, late-night musical
soiree performance, Eve caught the eye and acquired employment
from millionaire aristocrat Georges
Flammarion (John Barrymore) (he became her benefactor and set her
up at the Ritz with a chauffeur named Ferdinand, room and board
- an expense account); she knew instinctively that he had ulterior
motives: "From the moment you looked at me, I had an idea you had
an idea"

Flammarion's goal was to have Eve end the affair
that his bitchy, loose sophisticate wife Mme. Helene (Mary Astor)
was having with her wealthy, superficial playboy-gigolo Jacques
Picot (Francis Lederer)

in the Flammarion country estate in Versailles,
Eve attempted to seduce Picot away from Helene and ended up falling
in love with him; Eve was about to be exposed during a grand ball
("Don't forget. Every Cinderella has her midnight") while Tibor
was attempting to win back Eve and stop the deception by posing
as her husband Baron Czerny who was wearing a rented tuxedo

Eve threatened to marry Jacques, causing Tibor
to demand a divorce; in the wacky confusing conclusion in a French
divorce court, sham divorce proceedings were held ("You’ve
got to get a divorce from a man you’re not even married to?"),
where the Judge (Monty Woolley) refused to confirm the divorce
because Tibor was acting insane (purposely); in the final sequence,
Tibor and Eve rushed off to get married (to the Judge's complete
surprise)

Mighty Aphrodite (1995)

the clever but overused Greek Chorus (led by F.
Murray Abraham) that observed and made comments on the plot

neurotic sportswriter and adoptive father Lenny
Weinrib's (Woody Allen) first encounter with Linda at her apartment
door ("Hi, are you my 3 o'clock?"), with her thinking
that he was a "high-strung"
male
"john" - a married client who was overdue for fellatio

her gleeful observation about her erotic antique
watch, a gift that she recently received: ("As the main
spring goes back and forth, the bishop keeps f--king her in the
ass. It's a genuine antique and it keeps perfect time")

her incredulous reaction that he didn't want to
sleep with her, after making numerous comments or attempts about
reforming, saving, or changing Linda from her hooker sex-trade
to something more domestic

in their third meeting together, the revelation
that she was the mother of his adopted son Max (due to a broken
condom), and the bittersweet twist ending (with the Chorus urging: "When
You're Smiling (The Whole World Smiles with You)") when
they both met about a year later in a toy store - Linda was now
married, with a regular job as a hairdresser, and she was pushing
a baby in a stroller (fathered by Lenny, although she hadn't
told him!) - each ended up with the other's child, without each
other's knowledge

The Miracle of Morgan's
Creek (1944)

in Preston Sturges' fast-moving, farcical and
subversive screwball comedy regarding motherhood, the military,
and family values, the introduction of the main character in
an early scene in Rafferty's Music Store -- pretty clerk Trudy
Kockenlocker (Betty Hutton), the daughter of Morgan Creek's Chief
of Police, who was first seen mouthing the words to a phonograph
record of a deep-voiced singer crooning "The Bell in the
Bay"; when the song ended, she told a group of soldiers
in the store: ("Come on now, you got to beat it or buy something
before Mr. Rafferty gets after me"); after an invitation
by the male group, she promised to attend their going-away military
dance that night

the scene of Trudy's explanation to her skeptical,
overprotective, "old-fashioned" father Constable Edmund
Kockenlocker (William Demarest) that she was attending the dance,
when he expressly forbid her to attend: ("Just a moment.
What is this military kiss-the-boys-goodbye business, and where
is it to be transacted?...Just a minute! What happens after the
country club?...So, as your father and mother combined, I'm here
to tell you that you ain't going on no more military parties")

Trudy's friendship with 4-F rated bumbling local
bank-clerk Norval Jones (Eddie Bracken) as a substitute - he
explained how his nervousness caused his rejection by the Army:
("I'm perfectly calm. I'm as cool as ice. I start to figure
maybe they won't take me and some cold sweat runs down the middle
of my back, and my head begins to buzz and everything in the
middle of the room begins to swim, and I get black spots in front
of my eyes and they say I've got high blood pressure again. And
all the time I'm as cool as ice!")

Trudy's secret attendance at the wild, drunken
farewell military dance party with lots of spiked Victory Lemonade
(while her movie date Norval served as a "decoy" and
attended three feature movies until one in the morning); and
after lots of dancing, hitting her head on a rotating glitter
ball and suffering subsequent memory problems; the next morning
at 8 o'clock, she met up with Norval on Main Street, who was
blamed by her exasperated father for returning her late

Trudy's shocking realization that she might have
married one of the unidentified departing soldiers; she described
the previous night to her pragmatic younger sister Emmy Kockenlocker
(Diana Lynn), and had great difficulty recalling anything: ("Can
you imagine gettin' hitched up in the middle of the night with
a curtain ring to somebody that's goin' away that you might never
ever see again, Emmy?"); when Emmy noticed the ring on Trudy's
finger, she tried to remember what had happened: ("I remember
I danced with a tall, dark boy with curly hair, and a little
short one with freckles, and a big fat blond one who sang in
my ear. But if I married any of those, it would have been the
tall, dark one with the curly hair, don't you think?"),
and then she claimed that she couldn't remember his name: ("It
had a 'Z' in it....Like Ratzkiwatzki, Pvt. Ratzkiwatzki, or was
it Zitzkiwitzki?") - but in any event, they had both given
false names at the wedding that she couldn't remember; and she
also discovered soon after, to complicate matters even further,
that she was pregnant

the comedy of errors when Norval became involved
in Trudy's problems by stepping in to be the soldier-father of
the unborn child, to make things more acceptable

the funny marriage proposal scene on the front
porch, in which the overly-nervous Norval attempted to discuss
tying the knot with Trudy to her father who was cleaning his
hand-gun: ("Sit down! What are you so nervous about?...There's
getting to be quite a little talk in the town....Where I come
from, we don't skulk around in the bushes, you get me?...When
we gotta cross the street, we don't crawl through the sewer to
get there.... When we've got something to say, we say it!...When
is the happy event?...When are you and Trudy getting hitched?...
What are you laughing about?... You haven't answered my question...There
isn't any idiocy in your family, is there?...Oh, she won't?...You
didn't ask her right. You gotta be more forceful in these matters.
Dames like to be bossed. Now, you take me...You can do better.
You better do better....We accept. You're in....You can settle
the details up between youse. All I'm interested in is results.
I'm a man who looks at things broadly, see? (the gun accidentally
discharged)...I almost forgot, congratulations!")

the last scene of Norval and Trudy after she had
given birth, when she asked him: "Was it a boy or a girl?";
when he asked the same question of Emmy, she led him to an adjoining
room where they looked through a glass partition at six cribs;
he went hysterical when he realized the sextuplets were his,
and he raced back to Trudy and collapsed on her bed

the film's ending title card: "But Norval
recovered and became increasingly happy for, as Shakespeare said:
'Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and
some have greatness thrust upon them.'" THE END

Mister Roberts (1955)

the scene of Lt. Doug 'Mister' Roberts' (Henry
Fonda) expression of disgust for Lieut. Commander 'Captain' Morton's
(James Cagney) palm tree, as he spoke to Lt. 'Doc' (William Powell)
early one morning: ("I looked down from our bridge and saw
our captain's palm tree! Our trophy for superior achievement!
The Admiral John J. Finchley Award for delivering more toothpaste
and toilet paper than any other Navy cargo ship in the safe area
of the Pacific")

the portrayal of Lt. Roberts as a well-liked officer
who reluctantly served on the WWII naval cargo ship 'bucket' USS
Reluctant (known as "The Bucket") while pining for
real war action: ("Well, I don't want to be here, I wanna
be out there. I'm sick and tired of being a lousy spectator")

the character of cowardly and lazy Ensign Frank
T. Pulver (Oscar-winning Jack Lemmon)

the scene of Mister Roberts' confrontation with
tyrannical and pompous "Captain" Morton when blackmailed
to refrain from continually writing letters of transfer off the
ship, in exchange for 'liberty' shore leave for the crew: (Captain: "There's
a war on and l'm Captain of this vessel. And now you can take it
for a change. The worst thing l can do to you is to keep you right
here, Mister! And here is where you're going to stay! Now, get
out!" Mister Roberts: "What do you want for liberty,
Captain?" Captain: "You are through writing letters ever." Mister
Roberts: "Okay." Captain: "And that's not all. You're
through talking back to me in front of the crew. When l give an
order, you jump!")

the humorous scene of Lt. 'Doc' and Lt. Roberts
mixing up a batch of scotch (from water, Coke, and a
"drop of iodine for taste", and "one drop of hair
tonic for age") for Pulver's R&R aboard ship with visiting
nurses; Pulver was pleased with the results: ("Smooth! That
dumb little blonde will never know the difference!") and then
sang to himself: ("She won't know the difference. She won't
know the difference....She'll never know the diff-er-ence'')

Lt. Roberts' assessment of Pulver: ("There's
no getting around the fact, you're a real likeable guy, but...well,
l also think you're the most hapless, lazy, disorganized and, in
general, the most lecherous person l've ever known in my life");
Pulver complained: ("l am not!...I'm not disorganized for
one thing!")

Pulver's cock-eyed scheme on VE Day to explode
a homemade firecracker (with "fulminate of mercury")
under the Captain's bunk: "We're gonna heave a firecracker
under that old man's bunk, and bam, bam, bam! Wake up, you unpatriotic
old slob! lt's V-E Day!"; unfortunately, they blew up the
laundry and caused an overflow of soapy suds throughout the ship's
corridors

Roberts' salute to the Captain's revered palm tree
before heaving it off the ship - and Captain Morton's vow to find
the culprit: ("All right! Who did it? Who did it? You are
going to stand sweating at those battle stations until someone
confesses! It's an insult to the honor of this ship! The symbol
of our cargo record has been destroyed and I'm going to find out
who did it if it takes all night!")

the revelation that 'Mister' Roberts was the culprit
when the crew heard (over the PA system) the Captain's strong-armed
tactics and dastardly bargain with Roberts - and the crew's renewed
respect for their officer for sacrificing his own ambitions for
them

the concluding letter-reading scenes (both read
by Ensign Pulver for the crew) with the first letter from Mister
Doug Roberts (written three weeks earlier) who was serving his
new assignment on board the USS Livingston during the Battle
of Okinawa, including his statement that he would rather have his
old crew's hand-made Order of the Palm than the Congressional Medal
of Honor: ("Doc, I've been aboard this destroyer for two weeks
now, and we've already been through four air attacks. I'm in the
war at last, Doc! I've caught up with that task force that passed
me by. I'm glad to be here. I had to be here, I guess. But I'm
thinking now of you Doc, and you Frank. And Dolan, and Dowdy, and
Insigna and everyone else on that bucket. All the guys everywhere
who sail from Tedium to Apathy and back again, with an occasional
side trip to Monotony. This is a tough crew on here, and they have
a wonderful battle record. But I've discovered, Doc, that the unseen
enemy of this war is the boredom that eventually becomes a faith
and therefore, a terrible sort of suicide. And l know now that
the ones who refuse to surrender to it are the strongest of all.
Right now, I'm looking at something that's hanging over my desk.
A preposterous hunk of brass attached to the most bilious piece
of ribbon I've ever seen. I'd rather have it than the Congressional
Medal of Honor. It tells me what I'll always be proudest of - that
at a time in the world when courage counted most, I lived among
62 brave men. So, Doc, and especially you, Frank, don't let those
guys down. Of course, l know that by this time, they must be very
happy because the Captain's overhead is filled with marbles. And
here comes the mail orderly. This has to go now. l'll finish it
later. Meanwhile you guys can write too, can't you? Doug")

during the second letter reading, this one from
Fornell, Pulver was stunned by the news that Mister Roberts had
died in action during a kamikaze raid;with
a determined and resolute look on his face, Pulver tossed the replacement
palm tree off the ship's deck into the water, entered the bridge,
banged on Captain Morton's door, and finally stood up to him -
with the film's final line of dialogue: ("Captain, it is I, Ensign Pulver, and I just threw your stinkin'
palm tree overboard! Now what's all this crud about no movie tonight?")

the scene of the 'Big Brother' factory owner spying
on workers including the Tramp (Charlie Chaplin)

the opening factory assembly-line scene with the
Tramp armed with nut-tightening wrenches in both hands and unable
to keep up with the fast-moving, ever-increasingly sped-up, dehumanizing
assembly line and his later inability to
stop making tightening motions

the additional scene of the disastrous experiment
in which the Tramp became a guinea pig for an out-of-control
automated feeding machine that would force-feed lunches to workers
on the job, promoted by a recorded voice; it was a masterful
sequence of visual comedy involving a corn-cob feeder and a gentle
face-wiper mechanism, and the engineer's final words: ("We'll
start with the soup again")

the Tramp's consumption by the big wheels of machinery

his unwitting leading of a protest march

his singing of a gibberish/nonsense song in a
restaurant/nightclub as a singing waiter

his dive into an empty lake

his rollerskating scene in a department store
when he nearly skated over the edge of the balcony onto the floor
below

the final unforgettable image of the Tramp arm
in arm with the homeless Gamin (Paulette Goddard) silhouetted
together and walking into the sunrise (not the sunset!)

Mommie Dearest (1981)

all of the unintentionally funny scenes in this
camp classic biopic of parental abuse

the long title sequence with the final revelation
of a full-closeup view of the face of movie-star Joan Crawford
(Faye Dunaway) after her early morning, body-scrubbing, facial-cleansing
ritual of plunging her face into ice-cubes (that were doused
with rubbing alcohol), dressing, being chauffeured to MGM studios,
and having her make-up applied (in extreme close-up), before
a knock on her door: (Joan: "Yes?" Stage-hand: "We're
ready for you, Miss Crawford")

the over-meticulous, critical and obsessively-clean
Crawford's angry scene with her new housemaid Helga (Alice Nunn)
and Carol Ann (Rutanya Alda) for not moving a large tree plant
vase when polishing the tile floor of her home: ("If you
can't do something right, don't do it at all...Give me the soap.
You see, Carol Ann, you have to stay on top of things every single
minute") - and then her statement to Helga: ("Helga,
I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the dirt!")

her over-the-top performances in various scenes
in which she attacked her adopted daughter Christina (Mara Hobel
as child); i.e., slapping her daughter for allegedly lying, and
then saying: ("You love it, don't you? You love to make
me hit you!"); or the scene of Joan's response when Christina
repeatedly demanded to know why she was adopted: ("Because
I wanted a child. Because I wanted someone to love...Maybe I
did it for a little extra publicity")

the pool scene when Joan raced her young daughter
Christina (with a headstart), won the contest, and then gloated:
("You lost again!"), and when Christina complained:
("It's not fair! You're bigger than I am. It's not fair
to win twice!"), Joan retorted: ("Ah, but nobody ever
said life was fair, Tina. I'm bigger and I'm faster. I will always
beat you"); and then after a resistant Christina was ordered
to her room when she vowed never to play with her enraged mother
again, she was locked up in the pool house

the scene of Joan's over-reaction to young Christina,
after seeing her play-acting by imitating her in a multi-part
mirror in her bedroom - and hysterically chopping off Christina's
blonde hair with scissors to humiliate her: ("What do you
mean, playing? Going through my things? Making fun of me?...Look
at yourself! Gimme that!...What have you done? What have you
put on your hair? What have you done to this damn hair?...I know
you look awful. You be quiet! You're always rummaging through
my drawers, trying to find a way to make people look at you.
Why are you always looking at yourself in the mirror? Why are
you doing that? Tell me! You sit still now! This ought to teach
you!...You're vain, spoiled...I'd rather you go bald to school
than looking like a tramp!...You spoiled it just like I spoiled
you")

the crazed rose-pruning scene when Joan - after
being fired from MGM by Louis Mayer - demanded that her children
join her to trim the roses in the garden - and her axe-wielding/evening-gowned
hacking rampage in her prized rose garden: ("Eighteen years
in the business! And we parted friends! Creative differences!
Good, I want some help here. I want all of these branches cleared
out of here now. Carol Ann and Christopher, start clearing away
all these branches. Start gathering them up. Go and get the wheelbarrow
and the rake. Tina! Bring me the axe!")

the celebrated, late-night scene of Joan (with
her face smeared in cold cream) entering her daughter's closet
and abusively screaming - a violent rant - when she saw a dress
hanging there on a cheap wire hanger, and began clearing out
the closet by tossing everything onto the floor: ("No -
wire - hangers. What's wire hangers doing in this closet when
I told you - NO WIRE HANGERS EVER! I work and work 'til I'm half-dead,
and I hear people saying 'She's getting old.' And what do I get?
A daughter who cares as much about the beautiful dresses I give
her as she cares about me. What's wire hangers doing in this
closet? ANSWER ME! I buy you beautiful dresses, and you treat
them like they were some dish-rag. You do! $300 dollar dress
on a wire hanger! We'll see how many you've got hidden in here.
We'll see. Get out of that bed. All of this is coming out. Out!
Out! Out. Out. Out. You've got any more? We're gonna see how
many wire hangers you've got in your closet. Wire hangers! Why?
Why? Christina, get out of that bed. Get out of that bed. You
live in the most beautiful house in Brentwood (She picked up
a hanger and began to beat Christina) and you don't care
if your clothes are stretched back from wire hangers. And your
room looks like a two-dollar-a-week priced room in some two-bit
backstreet town in Oklahoma. Get up. Get up. Clean up this mess")

the bathroom cleaning scene, when Joan threw
a can of powdered cleanser at Christina while they were both
on their knees scrubbing the already-clean bathroom tile floor

the confrontational scene that led to Joan violently
choking her daughter Christina who claimed she wasn't another
one of her mother's fans: (Joan: "I don't ask much from
you, girl. Why can't you give me the respect that I'm entitled
to? Why can't you treat me in the way I would be treated by any
stranger on the street?" Christina: "Because I am not
one of your fans! Mommie! You never loved me! Mommie! Mommie!" Joan: "You've
hated me! You never loved me! Never! You've always taken and
taken. You never wanted to be my child! You've always hated everything!
Everything! Everything! Get out!")

the scene of Joan's notorious face-down with the
all-male Pepsi-Cola board in the boardroom, after her husband
Alfred Steele (Harry Goz), Pepsi's CEO, died when she was "retired" from
the Pepsi board of directors, and threatened to hurt the company's
sales if they didn't retain her: ("You think you're very
clever, don't you? Trying to sweep the poor little widow under
the carpet. Well, think again. I'm on the board of directors
of this lousy company...Al and I helped build Pepsi to what it
is today. I intend to stay with it....You drove Al to his grave,
and now you're trying to stab me in the back. Forget it! I fought
worse monsters than you for years in Hollywood. I know how to
win the hard way!...You don't know what hard feelings are until
I come out publicly against your product. You'll see how much
you sell.... Don't f--k with me, fellas! This ain't my first
time at the rodeo. You forget the press I delivered to Pepsi
was my power. I can use it any way I want. It's a sword, cuts
both ways"); abruptly, the members of the board acquiesed:
("The board has failed to realize the extent of your interest
in the company. We misjudged. We shall be pleased to have you
stay on")

the scene of Joan Crawford dazedly and drunkenly
replacing her ailing daughter (hospitalized for an ovarian tumor)
in the cast of an NYC daytime TV soap opera

the final scene in which adult-aged Christina
(Diana Scarwid as adult) listened as a lawyer read that she and
her brother were deliberately disinherited - left out of her
mother's will after her death in 1977: ("It is my intention
to make no provision herein for my son, Christopher and my daughter
Christina, for reasons which are well known to them"); when
Christopher (Xander Berkeley as adult) commented: ("What
reasons?...As usual, she has the last word"), Christina
(with a tear on her left cheek) vengefully implied that she would
have the "last word" by writing a tell-all memoir-expose:
("Does she?")

Monkey Business (1931)

the classic opening scene of the four stowaway
brothers (as Themselves) singing "Sweet Adeline" in
barrels located in the forward hatch of an Atlantic-crossing
ocean liner - and labeled Kippered Herring ("This is the
only way to travel, boys. The only way"), but a crew member
had earlier reported: ("Sorry to have to report there are
four stowaways in the forward hatch....They were singing Sweet
Adeline")

the scene of Groucho's impersonation of the ship's
Captain Corcoran (Ben Taggart), and phoning for lunch (and dinner):
("Hello. Send up the captain's lunch... Send up his dinner,
too. Who am I? I'm the captain. You want to choose up sides?
Oh, engineer, will you tell them to stop the boat from rocking?
I'm gonna have lunch") because he hadn't eaten in three
days (although they had only been on the boat for two days):
("I didn't eat yesterday. I didn't eat today, and I won't
eat tomorrow. That makes three days")

Harpo's pretense of being a puppet and delighting
an audience of children during a Punch and Judy show

the very funny barbershop scene when Chico and
Harpo impersonated the barber and shaved off ('snoop off') the
entire long handlebar mustache of one of the ocean liner's crew
members, who requested:
"Give me a once-over": (Chico: "We take care of
you, all right. We take the tonsils last. I think we work on the
mustache first. Give him a little snoop. This side's too long.
Give him a little snoop this side. Now this side is too short.
It's too short. The other side is too long. Snoop him up. That's
better, but the side that was too short now is too long and the
side that was too long is too short. I think you got to give him
one more snoop. I think we better measure. It's about a foot too
much. No, the measure's a foot too much. Now it looks much better.
It can stand one more snoop in the middle, I think. In the middle,
one snoop. That's fine. That's very good. I think it's a little
bit rough right here. I fix that....One more snoop. That's beautiful,
eh? That's what you call a work of art. Hey, you know, I think
you give him one snoop too much")

the most famous scene after the ocean liner docked
in New York City - of all the Marx Brothers unconvincingly impersonating
(dressing with a straw-hat) and using the stolen passport (by
Zeppo) of well-known French actor/singer Maurice Chevalier when
leaving the luxury ship and trying to evade customs, while a
Victrola played Chevalier's hit You Brought a New Kind of
Love to Me

Groucho's tango with bootlegging gangster Alky
Briggs' (Harry Woods) wife Lucille Briggs (Thelma Todd) (on board
the ship in her stateroom) when he offered to polish her frame
and oil her joints: ("Well, we can clean and tighten your
brakes, polish your frame and oil your joints, but you'll
have to stay in the garage all night") - and later, his
attempted flirtatious romancing of her: ("Oh, I've dreamed
of a night like this, I tell you. Now, you tell me about some
of your dreams....Oh, why can't we break away from all this,
just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills? I mean,
flee to my lodge in the hills"); when she replied: "Oh,
no, I couldn't think of it," he tried to persuade her further:
("Don't be afraid. You can join this lodge for a few pennies.
And you won't even have to take a physical examination - unless
you insist on one"); he was encouraged when she told him
that she didn't trust her husband: ("What a swell home life
I've got. Why, I think I'd almost marry you to spite that double-crossing
crook"); the scene was topped by Groucho's offer: ("Mrs.
Briggs. I've known and respected your husband Alky for many years,
and what's good enough for him is good enough for me")

The Money Pit (1986)

the scenes in which lawyer and new homeowner Walter
Fielding (Tom Hanks) and his concert violinist wife Anna (Shelley
Long) decided to go in 50/50 and buy a disintegrating, dilapidated
suburban NY home in a distress sale - and a train roared by:
("Did you hear that? The train is coming right when we decided
to buy the house! This has got to be an omen. I can feel it!
This is it! Everything's breaking for us!")

the scene of Walter's acquisition of his half
of the home's funding - $200,000 from resistant Billboard Artist
of the Year Benny (Billy Lombardo), a spoiled child star and
one of his wealthy clients: ("There is a house I want to
buy... I want you to loan me $200,000 in cash...Benny!... I shout
at you! I need that money and you are going to loan it to me....Yes,
you will!...Yes, you will! I saved you ten times that in taxes
last year....Benny, if you don't loan me that money. I'll...I'll
not like you any more!")

the many defective items, plagues and accidents
in their new 'money pit' house - the faucet loudly clanked and
spewed out "revolting" brown gunk-liquid when Anna
filled their bathtub with lukewarm water for a long-deserved
bath ("All I did was turn on the water"); Walter reassured
her and urged more positive thinking: ("So the plumbing's
not perfect. We'll get it fixed. It's not the end of the worid...Look,
this is an old house. It's gonna need some work. You've gotta
expect that...A little work, a little care, a little imagination,
and it's gonna be great! It's gonna be fun fixing it up. You'll
see"); in the next scene, the bedroom closet railing fell
apart, the front door frame collapsed down the front steps, and
a raccoon emerged from the dumb-waiter and attacked Anna

in the next scene, the entire staircase collapsed
with Walter hanging momentarily onto it, as he attempted to come
to the rescue of a screaming Anna upstairs; he jumped up to the
second floor landing and held on as structure crashed and plummeted
into the downstairs (Walter yelled to Anna: "The stairs
are out!"), but then when she accidentally stepped on his
fingers ("Honey, you're on my fingers"), he fell backwards
onto the pile of debris on the first floor

the character of sleazy carpenter Art Shirk (Joe
Montegna) arriving at the house ("Somebody here call a carpenter?")
who began flirting with Anna who resisted his moves: "Don't
touch me, pig!...I'm serious. Get away from me", but then
apologized but stated his intentions: "I just thought she
was good-lookin' wool...You know, usually a woman calls a carpenter,
she's lookin' for the old 'hammer and nail'"

the destructive kitchen scene, when Walter flipped
a light switch and initiated a series of electrical fires and
short-circuits along the power line; the blender was fried, the
electrical pop-corn popper burst into flames, and the TV screen
(broadcasting a Julia Childs' cooking show, who was instructing:
"I like to use a no-stick pan and heat until water...and on
goes some nice brandy. Let it bubble up well, and then dip it into
your flames and...") was the next casualty; an explosion launched
their roasting turkey from the cannon-like oven through the front
window and into the second floor bedroom window (that nearly hit
Anna); Walter warned her without a lot of details: "Little
problem in the kitchen. Nothing trivial" and then when the
indicator on the turkey popped up: (Anna: "Well, the turkey's
done." Walter: "So is the kitchen. Actually, it's a little
overdone for my taste. Let's not go there again")

afterwards, Walter decided to take a nice lukewarm,
relaxing bath, and
to top things off, when the two poured water into the bathtub,
it broke through the floor and crashed into hundreds of pieces
onto the first floor, as Walter looked down through the gaping
hole, he delivered a maniacal series of guffaws and laughs
(sounding like a choking seal)

the sequence of further misadventures, when Walter
sunk up to his neck into his dining room floor and became stuck
in the hole: ("I'm here. My chest is constricted. I can't
shout"), and when inspector Mr. Montgomery Shrapp (Joe Ponazecki)
arrived, he thought Fielding was laughing at him and stormed
away ("Okay, Fielding, I can hear you in there laughing
at me. This is it, you duck fart! I'm leaving, and I'm never
coming back! Ya hear me, Fielding?... I'm tearing up your permit!
There! Nobody laughs at Montgomery Shrapp!")

and then the sequence, during remodeling by contractors,
when Walter was distracted while fetching a pail of water, fell
down a hole, catapulted a power-saw up to a beam that led to
a chain-reaction - a Rube Goldberg series of disasters, including
propelling Walter through a window and into a tray of paint on
an elevated scaffolding that he inadvertently dismantled

Monsters, Inc. (2001)

the intriguing plot premise for the film - the
city of Monstropolis (powered by Scream Heat fueled by the collective
screams of human children), where monster "scarer" employees
were hired to emerge from closet doors at night and scare children
- but they were themselves scared of children, thinking they
were toxic

the delightful characters of giant, furry blue
monster James P. "Sulley" Sullivan (voice of John Goodman)
and his assistant, one-eyed Mike Wazowski (voice of Billy Crystal)
- both employed by Monsters, Inc. - a major scream refinery in
the monster world

the restaurant named Harryhausen's (in tribute
to the famed stop-motion animator of monsters)

the two evil characters: the company's chairman,
Henry J. Waternoose (voice of James Coburn) - an arthropodic
monster with a crab-like lower body, and his ally Randall Boggs,
a purple chameleon-like lizard monster with eight-legs, and their
plot to eliminate "scarers"
by using a Scream-Extractor Machine (to suck up oxygen from children)
- and the scene of Randall strapping captured 3 year-old human
toddler Mary (Mary Gibbs), nicknamed
"Boo" to the mechanism, although she was saved by "Sulley"

the amazing sequence of the wild roller-coaster
chase involving hundreds of closet doors on an endless conveyor
line, when Randall pursued both Mike and "Sulley" after "Boo's" rescue

the sad goodbye scene when Mike and Sulley had
to say goodbye to Mary/"Boo when she was to be returned
to the human world through her bedroom

after Mike's rebuilding of the door to Mary's
bedroom by assembling all the pieces, the final poignant shot
in which "Sulley" entered and reacted joyfully to seeing
Mary again

Monty Python and the Holy
Grail (1975, UK)

the opening view of King Arthur (Graham Chapman),
his first appearance in the comedy film, galloping over a hill
without his horse - but with an imaginary stallion (announced
by the clopping sound of approaching hooves) - next to the King
was his hunchbacked servant-lackey Patsy (Terry Gilliam) banging
two coconut shells together to simulate the horses' hooves

the ridiculous argument with castle gatekeepers
and guards about whether African or European swallows may have
carried the coconuts to the more temperate Northern zone: ("It's
a simple question of weight ratios. A five-ounce bird could not
carry a one-pound coconut...In order to maintain air speed velocity,
a swallow needs to beat its wings 43 times every second...It could
be carried by an African swallow. An African swallow, maybe, but
not a European swallow...But then, of course, African swallows
are non-migratory. So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway.
Wait a minute. Supposing two swallows carried it together!")

the outrageous scene of the collection of corpses
(for ninepence apiece) by the Dead Collector (Eric Idle) on his
rounds through a muddy medieval village as he cried out: "Bring
Out Your Dead!" and the argument with a Large Man (John Cleese)
over a half-dead candidate: ("I'm not dead!...I don't want
to go on the cart")

also King Arthur's encounter with the Black Knight
(John Cleese) who persistently insisted on combat even after all
of his limbs had been hacked off and he had been reduced to a
head and torso: ("Tis but a scratch!" "Just a flesh
wound" "The Black Knight always triumphs...I see. Running
away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming
to you! I'll bite your legs off!" and "All
right, we'll call it a draw")

the witch-burning scene of the prosecution of a
suspected witch: (Question: "What makes you think she's a
witch?" Answer: "She
turned me into a newt!...I got better!"), who was weighed
by Sir Bedevere the Wise (Terry Jones), and found to be guilty
because she weighed the same as a duck: ("So logically, if
she weighs the same as a duck, she's made of wood. And therefore?
A witch!")

the sentry's taunting and insulting words to King
Arthur at a French-controlled castle: ("I fart in your general
direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries")

the surprising scene of a modern-day documentarian/historian
named Frank (John Young), commenting on the Arthurian legend, suddenly
slashed to death across the neck by a horseback-riding knight

the dreaded tree-shaped Knights Who Say 'Ni' in
the forest, led by a helmeted towering knight (Michael Palin) with
deer antlers sticking up from his head - who made strong demands
of Arthur to appease them by giving them shrubbery before being
allowed passage: ("One
that looks nice... and not too expensive")

the scenes about the Fierce Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog
(a guardian beast living in a cave that looked like a harmless
white rabbit, but viciously attacked) and the Holy Hand Grenade
of Antioch (a sacred relic) that defeated the Killer Rabbit

the guarded Bridge of Death crossing scene where
a trollish, creepy soothsayer / bridgekeeper (Terry Gilliam) asked
travelers five (or three) questions before they were allowed to
pass over the Gorge of Eternal Peril

the plot-twisting conclusion, when a police car,
a paddy wagon, and officers of the law pulled into the scene in
front of King Arthur's large battle army, and Frank's wife (Rita
Davies) exited the car and shouted out: "Yes, they're the
ones, I'm sure" - the group of insane knights were arrested
by the authorities for the murder of Frank; one of the police officers
threatened the cameraman, and put his hand over the camera lens:
("All right, sonny, that's enough, just pack that in")
- but after the cameraman swore: "Christ!", the film
reel broke in the projector and derailed from the gate and the
film abruptly ended

Monty Python's Life of Brian
(1979, UK)

the opening animated title sequence featuring
a James Bond-like musical number and the "I love sheep!" scene
with three Shepherds

the scene in which Three unwise Kings, astrologers
from the East, erroneously visited infant Brian Cohen's (Graham
Chapman) stable manger thinking he was the future King of the
Jews or Messiah - bringing gifts to an ungrateful Virgin Mandy
(Terry Jones): ("Well, what are you doing creeping around
a cow shed at two o'clock in the morning? That doesn't sound
very wise to me....Is this some kind of joke?...Homage? You're
all drunk. It's disgusting. Out! The lot, out!...Go and praise
someone else's brat! Go on!"),
and Mandy's change of heart when they mentioned their gifts;
the discussion about what myrrh was: ("It is a valuable
balm" - misunderstood as a 'bomb'), and after realizing
their mistake, the three decided to grab back their presents of
gold, frankincense, and myrrh

the animated title sequence featuring a James Bond-like
musical number

the famous scene in which listeners were too far
away to hear the real Jesus clearly when he delivered his Sermon
on the Mount, and thought they heard the words: ("Blessed
are the cheesemakers"
and "Blessed are the Greek...apparently he's going to inherit
the Earth")

the hysterical "stoning"
skit in which a group of women (disguised as men) anxiously awaited
permission to stone a prisoner named Matthias: (Official: "You
have been found guilty by the elders of the town of uttering
the name of our Lord, and so, as a blasphemer, you are to be
stoned to death") from an annoyed, weary Jewish Official
(John Cleese) and ended up stoning the official himself
when he accidentally said God's name - Jehovah: ("I'm warning
you. If you say Jehovah once more...!"), even though he
cautioned everyone: ("Now, look! No one is to stone anyone
until I blow this whistle! Do you understand?! Even, and I want
to make this absolutely clear, even if they do say 'Jehovah'")
- and ended up being crushed by a massive boulder

the "PFJ" scene with bickering: ("Are
you the Judean People's Front?!...We're the People's Front of
Judea!")

the conjugation scene, when a Roman Centurion (John
Cleese) caught Brian painting "Romanes Eunt Domus" on
a palace wall [Romans Go Home] - and Brian received a lesson in
proper Latin grammar for the anti-Roman graffiti, and by sunrise,
had written out the corrected phrase 100 times on the palace wall: "Romani
Ite Domum"

the "What Have the Romans Done For Us?" scene,
when disgruntled revolutionary Reg (Cleese) asked his commando
followers: ("And
what have they ever given us in return?") - and received numerous
suggestions: the aqueduct, sanitation, the roads, irrigation, medicine,
education, wine, public baths, public order, the fresh water system,
public health - and peace!

the "Biggus Dickus" scene, when lisping,
speech-impaired effeminate Pontius Pilate (Michael Palin) was upset
when he repeatedly mentioned the name of his friend Biggus Dickus
(Chapman) and his guards began to snigger: ("I have a vewy
good fwiend in Wome named 'Biggus Dickus'. Silence! What is all
this insolence? You will find yourself in gladiator school vewy
quickly with wotten behavior like that...Wait till Biggus Dickus
hears of this!...I will not have my fwiends widiculed by the common soldiewy. Anybody
else feel like a little giggle when I mention my fwiend Biggus
Dickus? What about you? Do you find it wisible when I say the name
'Biggus' 'Dickus'?" - "He
has a wife, you know. You know what she's called? She's called
'Incontinentia'. 'Incontinentia Buttocks'"); then, when more
guards couldn't contain their laughter, he ordered: ("Stop!
What is all this? I've
had enough of this wowdy webel sniggewing behavior. Silence! Call
yourselves Pwaetowian guards? You're not - Seize him! Seize him!
Blow your noses and seize him!")

the scenes in which Brian was mistaken for a prophet,
and the subsequent, insanely devoted worship of Brian as the Messiah
(one group worshipped a gourd he used, while another a sandal he
lost while being chased) and Brian's futile attempts to get rid
of his followers - when Brian fled from a crowd of crazed Messiah
followers and jumped in a pit with Simon the Holy Man (Terry Jones),
the hermit accidentally broke his vow of silence for 18 years when
Brian landed on his foot; Brian repeatedly denied his Messiah-hood:
("Now, f--k off!"), when one of the men shouted back:
("How shall we f--k off, oh Lord?")

the two full-frontal nudity scenes: Brian's nude
appearance when he opened his window after a night of love-making
with feisty lover Judith Iscariot (Sue Jones-Davies) - and was
rudely greeted by thousands of followers demanding to follow him;
and Judith's vow to Brian's mother about how she would follow Brian
- the Messiah, as Brian cowered behind her: ("Your son is
a born leader. Those people out there are following him because
they believe in him, Mrs. Cohen. They believe he can give them
hope - hope of a new life, a new world, a better future!");
Brian's mother later warned: "Leave that Welsh tart alone!"

Brian's mother Mandy's repeated assertions and
protests against the crowds: "He's not the Messiah, he's a
very naughty boy!" - and "There's no Messiah in here.
There's a mess all right, but no Messiah"

the final crucifixion scene in which Brian was crucified
next to others who was encouraged by fellow sufferer Mr. Frisbee
(Eric Idle): ("Cheer up, Brian. You know what they say. Some
things in life are bad. They can really make you mad. Other things
just make you swear and curse. When you're chewing on life's gristle,
don't grumble, give a whistle. And this'll help things turn out
for the best. And.."), and then he led the singing of the
closing, incongruous and upbeat musical song: "Always Look
on the Bright Side of Life":
("Always look on the bright side of life. (whistling) Always
look on the light side of life. (whistling) If life seems jolly
rotten, There's something you've forgotten, And that's to laugh
and smile and dance and sing. When you're feeling in the dumps,
Don't be silly chumps. Just purse your lips and whistle. That's
the thing. And, always look on the bright side of life")