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Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Dear Daniel Craig,

Dear Daniel,

Those
bold enough to ask for the cookie, get the cookie.—my friend and agent Julie
Fink

These days are full of ups, downs, excitement one day,
jerk backs the next. I think I’ve reached a point where perhaps I can let go
and let God with this movie. This not a state easily achieved for me.

You see in addition to my bipolar disorder I have
anxiety and when things get rough I get anxious. I suppose it would be better
if I could roll with the punches better that’s a work-in-progress state of
mind. Right now I’m okay.

If can survive the rough seas of the past five months
I can really survive anything. And to wit, as to anyone who’s read this blog
knows recovery is not an end point with mental illness but a journey. A one day
at a time, sometimes one moment at a time journey you measure your small
victories and come out a winner.

When taking a shower is a major accomplishment. When
cleaning up your room only because you can’t stand it anymore amounts to a
major victory. Applause is needed on those days. Validation for your efforts.
Knowing your existence matters to someone may be the only thing that really has
you hanging on. Sometimes it’s your pet who needs you as you need them that
keeps you alive.

Depression is awful. It is, as I’ve seen the posts all
day say, so much more than being said.

Depression is loathing yourself. Where
you hate yourself so much that you stop taking care of yourself. I’m lucky my
depressions and my manias seem to have been cycling at a rate I can function
at. But make no mistake there is not wanting to get up in the morning and your
simply tired. But you don’t want to get out of bed at all. You don’t want to
face the world. You want to physically hide from it and isolate yourself from
all human contact. You self-worth goes into the crapper. It’s wanting the pain
in your head, heart and soul to simply stop. It’s wanting cry uncle and give up
things you are most passionate about.

Make no mistake. Making a film is hard. It is the
fucking hardest thing an independent filmmaker can choose to do. You start with nothing
but a script. And honestly writing it is my favorite part of the process
because it’s the first and last it will ever just me, Missy and the words on
the page.

Making the decision to produce was not a flight of
fancy. Considerations were made and when I first stepped into the role feature film
producer I had to find the money. At some point in your film’s journey people
are going to exit from the project. Not taking it personally is hard to do when
the material is as personal as Letters to Daniel is. It’s natural for others to
get nervous and express this. But independent film is not for the feint of
heart.

And though I have wanted to cry uncle on more than
occasion. And lay in a ball curled in a fetal position. I have refused to do
so. I let myself wallow. I vent to proper people. And when I’ve finished
grieving that particular version of the film I start hearing the voices of my
critics. And believe you me. They are out there. I hear them. And want them to
know. I have overcome worse in my life than people telling me no you can’t. You need to find someone else
to direct. You are not capable. You need to grow and learn how to play in the
real world. Your illness isn’t real. I’m sick of Letters to Daniel and I’m sick
of you promoting it all the time.

I hear these things and I’d be lying if I said they
didn’t sting or fuck me up sometimes. But in the end they’re fuel for the fire.
The kind of fire that needs to burn to power you like a steamroller over your
critics.

I’m proud to say today the memoir launched from these
pages is now an Amazon International Bestseller! Topping out at #4 in the
United States, #3 in Canada, #2 in Japan, and #6 in Australia. Also #61 in
Germany, #21 in the UK, and #57 in the Netherlands. The screenplay enjoying
more success than any of our other screenplays. Hitting the board as at least
an official selection in 6 festivals and placing second in the Los Angeles Film
Festival Awards.

Admittedly with the film we’ve had some setbacks.

But in cinema, especially independent film there will
always be set backs.

I should thank my critics for triggering my illness.
It’s made me humble. It’s made hungry again. It’s fed the fire that was dying
down. Now my critics don’t get any of the credit for my film’s success. No, I
succeed in spite of them. It is mine and Missy’s and team’s hard work alone
that determines the fate of this film.

I know people talk.

I know I’m a big personality, that comes in hard and
that doesn’t always make for the softest of landings. But this film is my
passion. I write my books purely because I love to write. I write scripts
because I dream one day they’ll be on the big screen. Or the little ones.
Television. The next frontier.

I was down. But my friends, Missy, Pam, Julie,
Barbara, Stephen Z., Frank Hall, Delilah, Lea S., Leah (from Louisville), and
my mom, dad, aunt Debbie, aunt Jan, uncle Frank, Tony (for president) Acree, my
therapist, my psychiatrist, aunt Jan. You all put me back together. You laid the
ground work so that this moment was possible. My mental health is key and you
all play an important role.

You all picked me up dusted me off and told this was
mine and Missy’s film and that yes we could do this. There are others out there
I talk to all the time I could take half and just write names but you know who
you are. You’ve seen me through difficult times recently and for that I thank
you.

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Amy Unplugged

Letters:the Memoir

From: The Author, To: Daniel Craig

Dear Readers,

Daniel Craig is my favorite actor. His work and acting style and how he carries himself professionally and personally inspire me greatly. Or more simply put by Kevin Smith about The Book Of Mormon Musical, he is my Spirit Animal. This blog is my memoirs as told to a silent witness of my choosing, Daniel. And of course all of you who visit daily to see me battle bipolar disorder, my dysfunctional family, or my personal demons. Or better, on my good days thanking those who have truly been my guardian angels. I thank you all who come and bear silent witness or sometimes leave a comment or two. Perhaps one day I will meet my hero, and get to thank him in person.