Blended: Writers on the Stepfamily Experience notes that a whopping 95 million adults in the United States have a step-relationship. The book does not gloss over the difficulties involved with these situations, nor does it neglect the humor and affection often present.

What if all the grassroots groups who work with the families who are consistently pushed to the margins and thrown under the bus talked about their causes as if they were all connected? What if we worked as if we were facing the same stigma and hate? What if I, in my parenting, felt connected to immigrant mamas fighting to reclaim their community? What if I, in my resistance, understood deeply my relationship to mothers who lose their children to juvenile justice, foster care systems, and/or incarceration?

Last weekend I had a revelation. It was well into the second hour of an interminable dance recital and little boys were twirling little girls in mock romance while the audience cheered, and it hit me; when it comes to the sexualization of young girls, we are the problem. We are society. We are the ones who send our girls mixed messages.

If you happen to be a woman of color, you simply don’t have any business that is your own, as far as society is concerned. The Jezebel and Welfare Queen stereotypes shape the responses you receive from others when you have a belly full of baby. So, the next time someone asks me how many more babies I’m going to have, I will have to respond with a “Girllllll, stay out my bedroom.”

Let’s recognize that the way to honor motherhood is to respect and support a woman’s decision about whether she is ready to be a parent. That means making sure that every pregnant woman, regardless of her ability to pay, has health care insurance coverage for all of her medical needs, including abortion.

If you ever want to sleep at night, don’t try raising a black boy in America, because it means not having the luxury of the safety bubble that other parents have around their children, and never having the luxury of being able to sleep at night.

This Mama’s Day, I encourage all women to stand up and say, “Mamahood by Choice!” Becoming a mama should always be a decision that a woman makes with her partner—and not because she doesn’t have access to family planning.

Mother’s Day has a way of making everyone feel like an outsider. This brunch-y, kid friendly version of Mother’s Day, creates the feeling that there is some elusive “right way” to celebrate and be celebrated. We want to flip that.

Depending on your view, the answer to that question might seem really obvious or very tricky and hazy. However, it’s a phrase and concept that’s bandied about a lot, yet is rarely explained. A group of Australian researchers finally defined it clearly and holistically.