One of my favorite drinks is the Japanese liquor known as sake. The best sake in the world is sold at a store in Japan called Pete’s. When I used to visit Japan I would always stop at Pete’s and buy a bottle or two of sake.

I haven’t gone to Japan for many years. I long for those happy times. Oh, to see Japan again. Oh, for Pete’s sake.

Life in other dimensions is quite a bit different. If you have two cats in this dimension, you might have three or four if you were living in another dimension. And each of them might eat a little more. Or they might eat a little less, depending on which dimension you were in.

In most dimensions you can lie on your back but in some of them that’s all you can do. Our dimension is on balance not too bad in spite of how much we complain. Can you imagine what it would be like if you were always trying to cling to the edge of an octagon?

I heard a story the other day. I don’t know if it’s true or not so don’t tell anyone. I heard that Santa Claus believes in ghosts. Imagine that. Somebody actually believes in ghosts. And not just anybody, but someone we all look up to. Am I the only person left who isn’t naive?

I lead a double life. I have two jobs. I have two cars. Sometimes we drag race. Once we met on the sidewalk but we both had the presence of mind to pretend we didn’t see each other. I’m tired of all the hiding. I tried to email him once but got an error message about sending e-mail to my own account.

Look, there’s something written on the back of this sheet. That’s his handwriting. So he’s been using my paper, the scoundrel. Well, I’m going to read what he wrote:

“That David is really stuck up. We passed on the sidewalk the other day and he pretended he didn’t see me. He’s probably mad that I beat him in that drag race. The least he could do is e-mail me.”

I have been doing a study on the history buffs of ancient Rome. I think those guys must have been crazy. Why would anyone want to be a history buff? The answer turned out to be fascinating.

The history buffs of ancient Rome were obsessed with the past. They said they could learn a lot about people and about how people think. I don’t believe it for a minute. I think those history buffs were neurotic.

Our country is becoming a sheep dog society. To all of us this may seem obvious but this isn’t a recent quote. These prophetic words “our country is becoming a sheep dog society” were spoken by Alexis de Toqueville over 150 years ago. Who was Alexis de Toqueville and how did he manage to acquire such insight and such vision?

Alexis de Toqueville was born in a tiny farming village near Tuscany. At an early age he began to show a talent for eloquence. When he was six months old he said: “Nature is the ultimate destiny”. His father dropped his spoon. At 18 months little Alexis said: “Cannons and swords can characterize a nation but good deeds are its heart and mind”. After his father got out of the hospital he decided to send the youth to school.

Alexis de Toqueville went on to capture many hearts and many minds. When people met him on the street they would beg him to say something complex and clever and he never refused. “Life is hard,” he told an impoverished child, “but chivalry will rise to meet the loftiest endeavor”.

Even on his deathbed de Toqueville remained eloquent. “Bring me a glass of water,” he said, “for water is the quintessential concept of a boundless eternity.” And then just before he died, he whispered: “Nations may come and nations may go, people may hearken and people may strive for every pinnacle, but as for me and you and our dubious future, I wholeheartedly believe that ours is becoming a sheep dog society.”

I hear it all the time: we need more devil’s advocates; things would be so much better if we had more devil’s advocates.

I hate to spoil the party, but I disagree. I don’t think we need more devil’s advocates. Look at it this way. If we had more devil’s advocates, where would we be? A better world, you say. Really? Would it really be a better world?

Solutions to problems, you say. Do you really think so? More discussion, you say. What do you call what we’re having now? A monologue?

How bad is a D minus? A D means bad job. A C means average. A B means try again next time. An A means there was something I didn’t like quite well enough to give you an A plus. A D minus means I looked at your paper and saw something good.