Saturday, March 13, 2010

The Stuff That Isn't on My Mind Right Now

Considering how much random bologna--pronounced "bologna"--is on my head right now, I will keep this off-topic. I am happily married to an iguana named Berthold, and he/she/it/shkruda may or may not be gender confused. I will write another blog about that when I learn how to judge the sex of iguanas. On a related note, I haven't seen Godzilla in a long time. But I'm not worried, because he's a grown monster, and if he wants to go out with his monster friends then I'm okay with it. Just so long as he's back before high tide in Antarctica.

Without going into too many details, I think that rastafarians have gotten ahold of my belly button lint recently, judging from the incredibly diverse colors that it has been recently. I think I'll start a collection, then get my sister to make a sweater out of it. I'll sell the sweater to the highest bidder, but only because I think that if they're smoking a lot of weed I can probably trick them into giving me their money for nothing. Then I can keep the sweater. Incidentally: if you're sweating, isn't it too warm to be wearing a sweater anyway? Whoever invented these things was living at the wrong latitude. He missed his niche when he didn't set up shop to sell to eskimoes. Eskimoes, meanwhile, are forced to make their jackets out of walrus. Walruses, for those of you who never knew, only grow wool for their beards. Shaving walrus beards is a hazard to continued physical not-being-punctured-by-walrus-tuskness. That's how I...no, I don't feel like sharing that story tonight.

Now another beastie that hasn't got tusks is moose. Moose have, however, got horns. That's not the most impossible aspect of them, though. Moose, just so you know, are anomolies in the space-time contimuum. You ever wondered why the plural of moose is moose? It's because there's only one moose in the whole galaxy. It's just in more than on place at the same time so it LOOKS as if there are many of it, when there aren't. Don't tell anyone about this, though, because the government is trying to keep it covered up. They will come to your house and steal all your pants if you run around sharing your knowledge of the moose conspiracy. But I'm not worried about that happening to me, because the government has heard all about me. They know I'm harmless.