Categories

What Do You Do When You're Afraid to Kiss Someone?

By Arlin Cuncic

Sometimes talking about your fears of kissing can make them disappear.

Kissing fears can arise because you are feeling nervous or unsure. You might not have a lot of experience kissing and worry about getting it right -- or you might just worry you are not doing it with the right person. Though you can calm your nerves enough to get through that kiss, only you will know if it is better to wait for someone else to come along.

Learn Kissing Basics

If your fears are founded on a lack of experience, spend some time learning about what is involved in kissing. Kisses usually break the tension that has built up between you and someone else -- eventually you find yourself wanting to kiss that person. One of you leans in, both of you close your eyes, tilt your heads and lock lips for a few seconds, as described in the Teen Health Source article, "Kissing 101." French kissing, with an open mouth, usually comes later -- when the two of you have gotten more comfortable with each other.

Breathe and Relax

If nerves are what hold you back from that kiss, practice some relaxation strategies to help calm your racing heart and sweaty palms. An easy breathing exercise can slow down your heart and relax your body, according to physician Robin Berzin, in the MindBodyGreen.com article, "A Simple Breathing Exercise to Calm Your Mind & Body." Practice inhaling for two counts through your nose, holding for one count and then releasing the air through your mouth for four counts. Do this when you feel the butterflies coming -- and you should soon feel less tense.

Wait It Out

It could be that you are just not ready for that kiss, or that you haven't met the right person with whom to share that special moment. In these instances, it's better to hold back until it feels right, says dating advice columnist Rich Santos in the "Marie Claire" article, "11 Ingredients for a Good Kiss." Though it is normal to feel some anxiety before a kiss, strong feelings of fear could indicate that you don't feel ready or that you aren't comfortable with the other person.

Share Your Fears

If you really do want to kiss someone, but your fears are still holding you back, consider letting her know about your feelings of apprehension. You might find that she is feeling the same way and the two of you can give it some time. Talking about it openly may also help to reduce some of the tension, and a kiss could follow naturally. Having an open and honest discussion will also help you to feel closer to the other person.

References

About the Author

Arlin Cuncic has been writing about mental health since 2007, specializing in social anxiety disorder and depression topics. She served as the managing editor of the "Journal of Attention Disorders" and has worked in a variety of research settings. Cuncic holds an M.A. in clinical psychology.