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Thursday, February 9, 2017

February's If You Don't Sit Your Ass Down Award!

Ah yes here we are, February is upon us and that means it's time for my "If You Don't Sit Yo Ass Down" Award. There have been no shortage of contenders for this prestigious award and I really have spent a good amount of time trying to decide who would receive the Golden Seat. It came down to two people so I'll highlight the silver medalist in this Olympics of dumbassery.

Said the senator about his upcoming race, "Slow and steady, easy does it."

I have had quite a problem with the esteemed senator from Kentucky for quite a while. This week he decided to up his cartoonish super villain type of shenanigans when he decided to silence Elizabeth Warren. Mitch McConnell looks like he was Mason Verger's stunt double in "Hannibal."

The resemblance is uncanny.

So whether it's willfully not working to do what's best for the American people or doing his best to sound like an Emperor Palpatine reject, Ol' Mitchy here can have all of the seats.

Now on to the cherry in this shit sundae. I present to you, the person whom I wish would line right up and pick up this lovely seat so he can sit his ass firmly down....DAN FOUTS! Get your bearded ass up here so you can sit your ass down!

He can finally say he won something!

Now I guess Mr. Fouts can share this award with the rest of the ass clowns who did not vote Terrell Owens into the Hall of Fame but since he was the most vocal to speak out he can the one who can have a seat. First off let's get this out the way, T.O. was an ass clown.

I'll admit, this was pretty fun.

That being said he was also one of the most physically dominant NFL players of his era. The Hall of Fame isn't the teammate Hall of Fame, it's based on numbers. And T.O. put up numbers. Over 1,000 receptions, 10,000 receiving yards, and 153 receiving touchdowns. He was a 6 time Pro Bowler and 5 times was All NFL First Team. HOW IS THAT NOT HALL OF FAME WORTHY?!?! According to Ol' Danny Boy:

"I think his numbers are very worthy, but again on the other side of it,
I think his actions on and off the field, on the sidelines, in the
locker room, and the fact he played for so many teams and was such a
great player, the question that comes back to me is if he was such a
great player, why did so many of those teams get rid of him? And I think
we all know the answers."

What. The. Hell. Are. You. Talking. About. I'm not gonna pretend he wasn't a headache for teams, possibly why he moved around a though a ton of those moves came well after his prime. I mean we're not gonna punish Jerry Rice for ending up on the Seahawks practice squad are we? Also, what off the field actions? For all his on the field antics which mainly consisted of celebrating a touchdown, he has never so much as gotten a speeding ticket off the field. In fact he is one of the guys that should be propped up for seemingly being a decent human off the field. I'd rather have a headache in the locker room than a perfect teammate like say, oh I don't know Darren Sharper.

So stop with this fake moral policing and be honest with us Dan. Just say you don't like the man because you don't hear a single word when some crooked owner is up for induction. So for all your mental gymnastics and making yourself the face of irrational logic I present you with this Danny.