Top 5 Scenes from Piranha 3D (with lots of spoilers)

If you’re like me and enjoy campy gore and ample boobs, you’ll love Piranha 3-D! To celebrate the release of the remake of a classic Roger Corman flick, here are my Top 5 Scenes from Piranha 3-D (warning: contains spoilers):

5. Richard Dreyfuss meets Piranha

In tribute to the film from which Piranha borrowed much of its plotline, Piranha 3-D opens with Richard Dreyfuss in a boat singing, what else, “Show Me the Way to Go Home.” Did I mention Dreyfuss’ character’s name is Matt? A clear nod to his Matt Hooper character in Jaws. Dreyfuss is innocently fishing on Lake Victoria when a massive underwater earthquake opens up a mysterious chasm, releasing a swarm of psychotic, prehistoric fish. The piranhas make quick work of Dreyfuss in a gruesome manner that sets the tone for the entire movie. Reportedly Dreyfuss only took the role after much persuasion from producer Bob Weinstein and a much larger salary, but his contribution adds tremendously to the quality of the film and proves that Dreyfus has a great sense of humor, even if it comes with a steep price tag.

4. Piranhas love a good rump

This movie is all about T&A, but in at least one scene, the fish seem to prefer the “A.” A woman lounges in an inner tube, bum exposed to the water. As the piranha begin their invasion of the Spring Breakers’ party scene, they scout for a good place to start the carnage. That woman’s bum seems most tempting of all and the blood bath begins. However, not all piranhas are fixated on the rear; some clearly prefer white meat, such as those that go after the busty topless parasailor who lures the fish to the surface as her bosom skims the water during some aerial acrobatics. Sadly for her, a brief dip below the water’s surface leaves her with only half a torso.

3. Piranha as feminist crusaders

Jerry O’Connell plays internet smut merchant Derrick Jones, an obvious fictionalization of Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild fame. He convincingly exploits drunken college girls, the more innocent the better, in hopes of making a quick buck off of lascivious men and perhaps getting personal satisfaction as well. The piranhas display their taste for the ironic, and a taste for man meat, when literally emasculating O’Connell during a poorly-timed swim. One fish snaps up O’Connell’s severed manhood as it drifts to the bottom of the lake, only to cough it back up in disgust; apparently even ancient fish have standards. In a later scene, as O’Connell lies dying on the boat from shock and blood loss, he gurgles his final blood-drenched words, “Wet t-shirt…wet t-shirt.” A fitting end for a swarmy character.

2. The underwater ballet

This scene will surely be a favorite of teenage boys and grown men everywhere, but women may also appreciate the splendor of two beautiful naked women (Kelly Brook and Riley Steele) dancing playfully underwater in slow motion as “The Flower Duet” from Delibes’ opera Lakme accompanies the ballet. O’Connell’s sleazy character gleefully films the extended sequence, stating enthusiastically, “They’re like fish with boobies!” Now that’s good dialog.

1. Mad scientist turns fish scientist

Everyone’s favorite mad scientist from the ‘80s adds humor and much-needed back story to Piranha 3-D as he portrays handy fish scientist, Mr. Goodman. As the resident piranha expert, Lloyd carries on his tradition of playing over-the-top, hurricane-style, nutty-professor types. He lets you know that this film is not meant to be taken seriously. At the same time, he provides crucial information to the audience to help us understand the plot. As he almost loses his fingers by dangling them temptingly before the confined piranha specimen, he explains the mutant fish: “This particular piranha vanished off the face of the Earth more than two million years ago in the Pleistocene!” A brilliant, though brief, must-see performance from an old favorite.