T'was the night before Christmas All the through the house not a creature was stirring not even a fucking mouse. Mom in the whorehouse and dad in jail, I just sat down for the end of a tale. Then there rose such a clatter I sprang from my sister-in-law to see what was the matter. I went to the window to throw out the hash and I told old fat Santa to kiss my ass. Then that big fat bastard came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, then that big fat bastard fell. He filled our stockings with cases of beer and a rubber dick for the family queer. He then said " Good night to all it's been one hell of a night