We’re at Ramona’s in Southampton, and Tinsley and Sonja just arrived. I’m literally LOLing when Sonja gets out of the car; “Tinsley’s a great driver! She’s gonna be a great mother, who knew!” The blondes are all together, and Dorinda has brought mermaid outfits. I am dying at this. Dorin has made a promise to herself to that she wants to do more fun, lighthearted stuff. LMAO.

We’re still at Bethenny’s with Lu & Barb. They’re talking about relationships.

Over at Ramona’s, we learn that Ramona had reached out and invited Lu and Bethenny to have dinner with her & the girls, but she’s not surprised that she never heard back from Bethenny. Ramona always has to go low, though. She tells us in her confessional, “It’s okay, Bethenny doesn’t get close to anyone. Who is she close to? Right now it’s Lu by default.” Oh, Ramona…

Lu calls Sonja, and Sonja answers, while Ramona listens in on their convo. “I’m surprised you’re not staying with me,” Lu says. “You’re staying with Ro-MEANa.” (Eye roll, grow up, Lu.) Sonja says how she switches off who she stays with during the Summer, and LMAO, it sounds like she has divorced parents fighting over her. “You’re a traitor,” Lu says teasingly. Lu is planning her own dinner, and I love how Sonja literally just flip flops and agrees to go with Lu, Bethenny and Barb, instead of Ramona, Tinsley and Dorinda. Barbara mentions her clambake, and Sonja tells the girls, “Barbara’s inviting all of us to her clambake tomorrow.” LMAO, no she did not. These women literally kill me.

The Blondes seriously have a mermaid photoshoot and I am dying. Especially at how long it took Ramona to get down the stairs, LMAO.

Sonja gets dropped off at The Almond Bar to meet the brunettes, and the three other blondes are basically across the street from them, having their own dinner. The blondes are at Topping Rose House, and as soon as they sit down at the table, Ramona gets up and is like, “I’ve been with you girls all day, I’m going to go to the bar for ten minutes.” LMAO. (I seriously laughed out loud at so many parts during this episode. Ramona is such a trip.)

Sonja and Barbara are the first to arrive, and they’re chatting and catching up. Sonja tells Barbara that Dorinda isn’t drinking, and that Lu and Dorinda are both taking care of themselves. “They’re both going to be at your party tomorrow,” Sonja says. Barbara pauses for a moment and then replies, “We need to talk about that. Lu’s in vulnerable state and doesn’t want to be around Dorinda. Can you just bring Tinsley?” (Really, Barbara? For starters, you literally already invited Dorinda – you told us you had an actual friendship with her. That’s so tacky. If you want to uninvite her, do it yourself.) Sonja looks perplexed and asks, “What am I supposed to tell my hostess? She’s excited to come.”

Luann, Bethenny, and Lu’s friend Anne arrive.

Switching back over to The Blondes, Dorinda and Tinsley are chatting, and they both feel weird knowing that the other girls are eating right across the street. “It’s like dueling dinners,” Dorinda says. Ramona returns, and she tells the girls how she was chatting with some guys at the bar and asked if they were married – and they were married, to each other. She thinks her gaydar is off.

The Brunette’s are talking about Lu’s recovery. Prior to her second rehab stay, Lu had been making really bad financial decisions. She was obsessed with this mansion, and was calling everyone she knew for $6 million dollars so she could buy it. (WHAT?) Bethenny tells us, “It was a fixation.” Luann is grateful for the support of her friends and their intervention. She admits that, “Alcohol is a power greater than me.” They talk about the clambake that’s going to take place the next day, and Lu wants Dorinda to call her and to be genuine, and then she’ll be okay with her going to the clambake. (This is so childish.)

The next morning, Ramona has a tennis instructor come over to the house. Tinsley, Ramona and the instructor are all playing – and the instructor, who Ramona loves to flirt with, is clearly into Tinsley. Ramona isn’t having it. She legit stops playing, and is like, “Well, I already worked out today, and I haven’t played tennis that much because it’s been rainy.” She’s so over the top.

Meanwhile, Bethenny is meeting Barbara. We’re at her investment property, and she’s contemplating selling it. Barbara is into contracting, so she wants her opinion on it. (That house was absolutely gorgeous.)

The Blondes are all chatting – they ask Sonja about her dinner with The Brunette’s the night before. “It was a lot about Lu and her recovery, she went back to rehab.” Ramona, who can never bite her tongue, says, “How do you go to rehab for 13 days? That’s like a vacation.” Dorinda wants to know when she actually went to rehab, and Sonja just wants to shut this down. “The mood of the dinner was not dissecting Lu and her recovery, but supporting her.” Dorinda feels like if any trigger is going to cause Lu to fall off the wagon, she probably shouldn’t be doing cabarets late night around booze. She thinks she probably needs a longer stay at rehab. (I totally don’t think that’s a fair thing for Dorinda to say – she hasn’t even been on speaking terms with Lu, so since she doesn’t know first hand, I don’t think she has a right to comment on her sobriety.)

Sonja drops the bomb – only she and Tinsley are invited to the clambake. Dorinda is pissed, and understandably so. She’s like, “I’ve already been told about the clambake. Should I call her and say I’m disinvited?”

Sonja tells her that The Brunette’s all think it’s a good idea for Dorinda to give Lu a call. Dorinda immediately is like, “No.” Sonja tells her that Barbara just wants to make sure Luann is comfortable, and Dorinda replies, ” I don’t have to make Lu anything. That’s not my responsibility.” Tinsley seems to be siding with Dorinda right now – she feels like Lu almost wants to make this worse.

Bethenny and Barbara are at Bethenny’s when Barbara gets a call from Dorinda. “What’s going on?” Dorinda asks. “I’m disinvited to the clambake?” Barbara replies, “You’re not disinvited at all.” (That’s a lie.)

Dorinda is livid at this point. “So you’re saying you want me to call Lu? I’m not doing it.” Barbara tries to talk, but Dorinda will not let her get a word in. At this point, I don’t even know what anyone is saying. Ramona is like a bug in Dorinda’s ear, and I think she’s making the situation worse.

Bethenny is shocked by the entire conversation. Dorinda tells Barbara that she wants Luann to call her, LMAO. I’ll admit, Dorinda is definitely being petty. But this whole situation is petty at this point; lets move on! Bethenny tells Barbara, “It’s like you’re talking to a wall.”

Dorinda uninvites herself, and tells Barbara she’ll see her back in the city. All of the girls are like, “Don’t end the call like that!” but Dorinda is way too riled up. She tells us that she’s not going to bend the knee to Luann.

Barbara calls Lu, and fills her in on what happened. Lu says she isn’t surprised at all, she had a feeling that Dorinda would respond that way. “Not only is she not going to apologize, but I don’t think she would piss on you if you were on fire,” Bethenny tells her. LMAO. Barbara is blown away by the call, and Lu says that she thinks Dorinda is still drinking. Barbara doesn’t think so, especially because Sonja told them that she wasn’t.

The girls are all getting ready for the clambake, except for Dorinda, who really isn’t going. I’m shocked that Ramona is planning on going, but that’s Ramona for you. Dorinda and Ramona are sitting outside, and Dorinda asks for Ramona’s opinion on a text she plans on sending Lu. (Dorin – please get anyone else’s opinion besides Ramona’s!!!!) Ramona tells her she thinks it’s totally fine to send it to her, and I’m like, Oh God. I can only imagine what that text says.

Barbara and Luann are picking up the food for the clambake when Lu receives the text from Dorinda. OMFG – she sent her a Tyler Perry quote. I don’t remember the entire quote, it’s something about forgiveness though. LMAO. “I’m not even going to respond,” Lu says. Then she says, “Or maybe I’ll say,’Wow, that’s so deep’.” “No,” Barbara tells her, “That’s antagonistic.”

It’s the day of Barbara’s Clambake, and Lu shares the text she got from Dorinda with Bethenny. Bethenny is basically on the same wavelength as everyone else – “She sent you a Tyler Perry quote?” Bethenny adds, “Now she’s Ramona crazy!”

The Blondes feel bad leaving Dorinda behind, but Dorinda honestly doesn’t mind, she likes her alone time. Sonja mentions Dorinda has FOMO – but she calls it MOFO, LMAO. On the ride to Barbara’s, Ramona tells Tinsley to tap her on the shoulder after 30 minutes, because she feels like that’s an appropriate time length to be at the party and then confront Luann about Dorinda. (DEAD LMAO.) She then tells her to tap her on the shoulder after one hour, because they promised Dorinda they’d only go for an hour.

The Four Blondes arrive, and Sonja is the first to enter the backyard. Lu notices, and her entire face drops when she sees Ramona in tow.

Not a crazy entertaining episode, but I was entertained nonetheless. I don’t know where I stand on this Lu & Dorinda fight. I think that they’re both being stubborn and need to just make up with each other. (I also haven’t seen the episode where Dorinda was apparently a monster to Lu, though.) But Luann is really holding a grudge here, and part of the 12 steps is to kind of put the past in the past, move on, not hang onto any resentment. I’m not saying she isn’t valid in feeling the way she feels, and I probably shouldn’t say anything at all because I’m not an addict and I don’t understand what she’s been through or how she feels. But I don’t think it’s healthy for either of them to hold onto this negativity. Even if they’re not friends again (which I seriously hope they do become friends again) they can just be cordial and coexist. I hate this pettiness.

What an episode! I’m so sick of Puppy Gate, but clearly, this is moving way beyond just an issue with Lucy Lucy Apple Juicy. Shit’s going down.

We start out with Kyle, who is at The Agency, visiting Mauricio. (I’m obsessed with Kyle’s jacket. Obsessed.) Kyle is feeling better now that Sophia is officially at school. She shares with Mauricio that she’s worried that American Women (her TV Show, the one that has caused friction with her sisters) is not going to be picked up for a second season, but she’s trying to stay positive.

Say whatever you want about Dorit – she’s literally slaying. Her body is giving me life. She is beyond gorgeous – #GOALS. JMG Magazine is shooting Dorit and Barbie Blank (why do I know her?) modeling Dorit’s swimwear line, Beverly Beach. And they’re going to be on the cover.

Dorit’s invited Erika to the shoot, because she feels like “if you want to push the boundaries”, Erika Jayne is the best one to get advice from. I’m LOLing at Erika giving her two cents; “Guts in, tits up!” “You’re selling ass, not cookies!” LMAO.

Denise is over at LVP’s, and she brought her daughters, Lola & Eloise. Denise states that she knows all of the other ladies have an issue with LVP, but LVP has been nothing but “warm, compassionate and lovely” to her. She wants to make her own judgment. That’s totally fair.

Back at Dorit’s, once the shoot wraps up, Erika and Dorit are chatting. Dorit fills Erika in on the conversation she had the day prior at LVP’s with Kyle – and all of the texts LVP shared. Erika is surprised by this information, because this is different than what she has heard from Teddi. Dorit tells Erika she still feels the same way – like LVP isn’t going to take ownership, and she doesn’t think this is all Teddi, though she realizes now that Teddi is not as innocent as she originally portrayed herself to be. They both muse about what LVP’s endgame is – to make Dorit look bad? It sure seems so. Erika tells Dorit, “Don’t trust anyone.”

Rinna is visiting Camille – she’s checking out the restaurant/venue she plans on having her 50th Birthday Bash at. Rinna brings up the Bahamas and LVP, and Camille says, “We’ve all experienced the wrath of LVP.” I am literally dead at this clip of Camille calling out LVP for telling Camille to bring up Taylor and Russell (Season 2, which I just watched!) Camille admits that Lisa did tell her to bring it up, and that Lisa has “a habit of keeping her hands clean.” I mean, isn’t that obvious by now? Everyone who is so Pro-LVP – she literally does this every single season. It’s a pattern. Camille also feels bad for LVP though – she’s going through a lot, and she’s having a tough time. Honestly, I really love Camille. I think she knows how LVP is, but she doesn’t care. It’s kind of like – it is what it is. Lisa’s always been this way, she’s not going to change now. Camille does bring up Dorit, though, and says that she is kind of phony. Lisa Rinna thinks Camille is being “wishy-washy” because they got along just fine in the Bahamas. “Did she really want a dog?” Camille asks. “Or did she just want to be closer to Vanderpump.” Rinna looks shocked, and Camille adds, “I know, I’m being catty.”

Denise and Aaron are discussing their upcoming wedding – they seriously do plan on getting married on 9/8/18, and they cheers to “trying to put together a wedding in a week.” They found a place in Malibu where they want to have it at, and it looked gorgeous. I’m so weirdly attracted to Aaron right now, LMAO. I love how spontaneous these two are.

Teddi is meeting with her therapist, Val. She tells Val that she’s, “a mess today”, and she fills her in on what’s been going on. She admits that she has anxiety because of it, and I think it’s written all over Teddi’s face that she got in way over her head. She owns it all – she was in on the scheme, but she couldn’t go through with it. She also shares with us that she was originally told a story about Lucy that wasn’t true. Teddi believed Lucy had been locked in Dorit’s basement, and hadn’t seen the light of day for months, and then had been taken to a kill shelter. (WTF?)

Honestly, I’m totally Team Teddi. Trying to take someone down isn’t the right thing to do, but she’s owning it now, and she’s sorry for it. She also didn’t even go through with it. This is LVP’s M.O. – she uses whoever the newest/weakest person is to do her dirty work. Seriously, please look back at prior seasons. She’s close with Camille while Camille is going through a horrible divorce, and has Camille confront Taylor about the Russell situation, while she sits back and watches. She was super close to Brandi, and screwed her over with the tabloid thing with Kyle and Mauricio (Mauricio was supposedly cheating.) She became good friends with Lisa Rinna, only to put a bug in her ear that Yolanda Hadid had Munchausen Syndrome, and then pinned it all on Lisa. And now she’s doing it to Teddi, so she can get back at Dorit. Erika Jayne called it from the moment she met LVP – “Lisa Vanderpump is a sniper from the side.”

I like that Teddi’s therapist, Val, tells her, “It’s okay that a loose end isn’t going to be tied up.” I feel like I needed to hear that advice.

Over at Hart & The Hunter, Kyle and LVP are meeting up with Denise and Aaron for dinner. We learn that American Women was not picked up for a second season, and although Kyle’s disappointed, she’s hoping she’ll be able to reconnect with her sisters. Denise is being super silly during dinner, and she just keeps talking about how big Aaron’s penis is. LMAO. Denise fills them in on their plans for the wedding – Kyle can’t go, because she has a party at The Agency that night. But all of the other girls plan on attending.

It’s Camille’s birthday! Her party is in full swing, and everyone looks fabulous. I will say, though I usually love Rinna, she’s annoying me with her side comments on Camille and Dorit’s relationship. She tells us in her confessional, “Flip-floppers are confusing.” Like cut it out, Rinna.

Teddi, Erika and Dorit are talking, and things are clearly awkward. “Tell her,” Erika urges Dorit. Dorit, who also looks nervous, replies, “Now?” Teddi is anxious, and asks, “Tell me what? Just tell me now.” Dorit calls Teddi out – she goes over everything she learned at Vanderpump’s. The three of them go out onto the patio to talk more.

Erika tells Teddi, “It sounded shady.” Teddi explains the entire story, including her part in it. Erika sees Kyle and LVP heading into the party, and says, “Guys, here she comes.” Teddi and Dorit continue to talk, despite knowing LVP is close by. “I was set up,” Teddi confesses. “I took the bait, but I couldn’t go through with it.”

Kyle knows something is going on, but she’s not getting into it right now. “There’s something going down, but I’m just going to mosey on by.”

Teddi apologizes to Dorit – she truly is sorry. She felt like LVP was there for her the year before, when she was struggling to fit in with the girls. Erika chimes in, and says, “She feels used. She’s accepting responsibility.” Dorit respects this. She wants to move on, and she appreciates Teddi’s apology. Now she wants LVP to own it.

Rinna & Kyle join the girls, and Teddi fills them in on what’s going on. Denise joins the group, because she wants the girls to come back inside. LVP is soon outside as well.

“We’re talking about the other day,” Kyle tells LVP.

“I want to move on from it,” LVP informs the group. “It’s all clear to me.”

“What’s clear to you?” Teddi is livid.

“You’re guilty by omission,” LVP says, as if she honestly doesn’t have anything to do with this debacle. “I saw the texts, I was shocked.”

I’m literally screaming at my TV at this point – are you fucking kidding me? GTFO. I cannot. Teddi questions Lisa – how did she know that she knew? Lisa backtracks at this and contradicts herself. She says she didn’t know that Teddi knew – but then she says of course she knew Teddi knew. Which one is it?

Kyle tells us in her confessional, “It’s very clear to me Lisa Vanderpump wanted Teddi to know about the dog.” Rinna tells us, “All roads lead back to LVP.” Sorry LVP, everyone seems to be onto you.

Teddi takes complete ownership. She tells LVP that she knows she will never own it, but at the end of the day, Teddi told the truth, and if LVP can live with herself, then that’s fine – “it’s been working for you for a long time,” she adds. (Everyone is so shocked right now. Yaaassss Teddi!)

Back inside, the girls all sing Happy Birthday to Camille, and it’s as if the past twenty minutes never occurred, LOL. (Only in Beverly Hills.) The girls seem to enjoy the rest of the night – Kyle’s wasted, and Rinna’s encouraging her to do splits. LMAO. Typical.

RHOC Season 13, Episode 1 premiered on 7/13/18. Honestly, after last season (which I found to be disastrous and possibly irredeemable) I was pleasantly surprised with the cast revamp this season, and I’m excited for what’s to come. Let’s talk about the episode & what’s been going on since we’ve seen the OC ladies last.

EVERYONE IS MOVING/HAS MOVED

We learn that Eddie & Tamra are in the process of moving, and Shannon and Kelly have both move out of their former homes that they shared with their former husbands, and into “smaller” homes. (I love Shannon, but hearing her talk about how weird it was to live in only 4,000 Sq Ft just made me LOL. Wish I had that problem.) Also, apparently Steve is basically living with Vicki, so that’s somewhat of a move as well.

EDDIE HAS A-FIB

Ugh, Poor Eddie! We learn early in the episode that Eddie has A-Fib, and he needs to have surgery. Eddie undergoes surgery during the episode, and he does well, however, Tamra tells Ryan that they found another area in his heart that was still beating irregularly, which means that the chance of A-Fib coming back is higher. (Sorry if I’m not explaining this properly, I personally do not know much A-Fib.) I am glad that he’s doing well though, and since we all follow the bravolebs on Social Media, we do know that he is doing okay today. However, according to a post from Tamra on Instagram, he’s undergone numerous surgeries since that first one. Everyone say lots of prayers that he is fine and in good health, please!

For those of you who do not know what A-Fib is, here’s what I just copied & pasted off of google:

The heart’s upper chambers (atria) beat out of coordination with the lower chambers (ventricles).

This condition may have no symptoms, but when symptoms do appear they include palpitations, shortness of breath, and fatigue.

STEVE’S A KEEPER

BROOKS IS MARRIED

Did anyone else have to be like, wait, what!? after hearing that Brooks has gotten married!? Who in the world would marry a scumbag like Brooks!? You seriously cannot get any lower than a cancer scam, yet, he still managed to find himself a wife!? She looks a little crazy though, which is a given – a normal human being would not marry Brooks. Sorry I’m not sorry for being a bitch. He’s a bad person! Puke.

THE GIRLS ARE WORKING ON THEIR FRIENDSHIP

This makes me sooooo happy. I really love when the girls are friends. Seeing the foursome back together warms my heart.

SINGLE HOT MAMA’S

Kelly & Michael are officially divorced, and Shannon and David are getting there. I predict that Kelly & Shannon will definitely bond this season over what they’re going through.

SHANNON TOOK HER RING OFF! YAAASSSS

Good fucking riddance to David Beador. I hate him, I’ve always hated him, but I love Shannon & I just wanted her to be happy, even if that meant staying with that POS. I do feel for her, though. I can’t even begin to imagine what she’s going through, and I know taking that ring off was a huge deal for her, especially when she explained her reasoning behind wearing it.

WE MEET NEWCOMER: EMILY

So apparently Emily & Tamra used to be friends; Emily helped Tamra plan Ava’s Baby Shower. (According to Tamra, Emily is a party planner by night and an attorney by day.) They had somewhat of a falling out, though, because Emily was still hanging around with the old group (Ricky, Gretchen) who are both members of the I Hate Tamra Fan Club. They recently reunited, and according to Emily she reached out to Tamra because she missed her. I call bullshit – you wanted in on the franchise because you knew Peggy, Lydia and Meghan were out and they needed new cast members for the show. I hate being judgey when I first meeting the new girls, but I can’t help it. From what I’ve seen, I don’t think I’ll like her. She’s…odd. I felt like she was really trying to hard to be “relatable” and that annoys me most of all. If you have money, just own it girl. We like that you have money – we’re not watching RHOC for it’s poorness and simplicity. I don’t like the way she described her relationship with her husband, either. It was just odd. That’s the only way I can describe Emily so far – odd. We’ll see.

The first episode of any of the housewives is typically relatively boring, and while this one wasn’t crazy in any way it did hold my interest. I’m excited for what’s to come, especially after that insane trailer of the season.