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Monday, September 29, 2014

With just over 3 weeks of Kindergarten under our belts, I've taken the time and energy to come out from hiding underneath my kitchen table clutching a bottle of Don Julio to discuss how our world has changed. Kindergarten is a wonderful, magical place. But there's also a shitload of crap that nobody really wants to talk to you about. But me? Oh you know I want to talk about it.

First, we'll discuss the restroom. Oh yes. Kindergartners still go poop, did you know that? And did you also know that because of the relatively sick and twisted world we live in, they're pretty much left to their own devices to do this? Alex knows how to wipe himself, make no mistake about that. But if the kid who sits next to him doesn't know how? Dear Lord. A situation.

Next, let's discuss lunch. Alex attends before (and after) school latchkey, so in addition to hot lunch, he's also offered a hot breakfast. Nice, right? I've noted before that he has a hollow leg and will eat anything that's not nailed down, so getting him to eat the school food is not the problem. Getting him to not eat ALL the school food is the problem. You see, he has an online account that I place funds in, and every time he visits his girlfriends (aka the lunch ladies) they deduct money from his account. Either he's eating very, very well, or I'm funding the head chef's 2015 family trip to Greece.

Recess is a whole 'nother situation. They play outside, sure. But where? When? I have no idea. And if he forgets to bring home one more jacket I'll probably lose my mind.

I cannot even discuss the PTO at this moment in time. Don Julio and I will be back for another sesh on that in a week or so. At the end of the day, it's very nice people doing very nice things. But the efficiency-obsessed Type A in me just doesn't have the patience.

In summary, Alex is loving everything about Kindergarten. He's certain he's going to marry his teacher someday and is really thriving. I'm so proud of him. As for me? I also love his teacher, but will stop short of a marriage proposal. I also have control issues that I'm working through and wishing for the easy, scheduled days with Aunt Jane.

I try to be a very "go with the flow" kind of person, and I swear I'm not a helicopter Mom...but I really just miss him. I miss knowing the names and faces of all his friends and getting all of his silly inside jokes. This is why I'd like to just strap a Go Pro to his head and call it a day. Do you think the public school system would be into that?

Thursday, September 18, 2014

ELEVEN MONTHS...exsqueeze moi? How am I already planning a 1st birthday party for this bundle of sass?! It's not just a river in Egypt, is what I'm saying.

Oh that mischievous little look on her face says it ALL about 11 months. She very much understands the word "no" and very much does not like to hear it. She has the BEST b*tch face and if she didn't put on such a show every time the cameras came out, I'd have a photo of it here to share with you. (Diva, I'm telling you.) Want a mental picture? Imagine Grumpy Cat but that face above. That's as accurate as I can get with it.

Other notable updates include a TOOTH! She's got one rogue little chomper coming through on her bottom gums and if her crankiness and fondness of chewing on everything of late is any indication, there's a whole set of dentures to follow shortly.

Also, she thinks she can walk...and while I admire her persistence, the reality of the situation is that she cannot walk. Hence the recent meeting of her forehead with the business end of our kitchen cabinets:

One thing is for certain: this girl is confident if nothing else. Where Alex was a shy, reserved and quiet baby, Harper would like everyone to know she's in the room and to pay attention to her always. I suppose she gets that from her Dad? Ha.