I was listening to the radio a couple of mornings ago and who did I catch chatting away about her new book? I will not keep you guessing, dear blogging friends: guessing games could take some time and my news is too urgent for banter. It was Dame Patricia Cornwell, that’s who it was, chatting away on the breakfast show of a serious radio channel – Serious with a capital S. For the non-royalists it was The Patricia Cornwell of Kate Scarpetta, not just some passing commentator dispensing Christmas tips to commuters.

Some of my earliest friends may remember a post I scribbled with passion about Dust, one or two previous publications by Countess Cornwell. I’m pretty sure she wrote one more before the present one she was promoting through early morning airwaves. After years of loyal custom, did Dust finally put me off rushing to the bookstore each time Baroness Cornwell releases a new tome? No! Well, maybe. I don’t know… a little, perhaps – yes, actually, it may have done.

So why the excitement at hearing her on the radio? It was Saint Cornwell talking, the magician of lab work; the truth digger amongst ravaged body parts; the wizard of storytelling and languid dialogue, and of detailed psychological introspections into her nearest and dearest recounted whilst carrying out detailed physiological introspections into dismembered bodies.

British radio presenter: “Your Kate has been quite vociferous on FB and Twitter. Does she bear a grudge against you?” (Uncomfortable sniggers)

Archbishop Cornwell: “I guess so! She knows I don’t know what else to do with her! I mean, she thinks I may want to kill her off!” (or something of the sort)

British radio presenter who thinks she’s onto something here but actually is not: “Oh my, and is this true? Do you want to kill her off?” (or something of the sort)

Pope Cornwell: “No, of course not!”

I was driving, and unable to stop the car and scream. Archangel Cornwell nonchalantly revealed that she “doesn’t know what else to do” with Kate Scarpetta, and yet new books come out with Kate as their legendary main character each year, selling well and climbing the book charts. Let’s pause for a moment and drink this in one more time: The High Guardian to the Galaxy of Stardom Cornwell “doesn’t know what else to do with” with her main character, and yet, AND YET, she’s still featuring her in her new books.