Archive for May, 2006|Monthly archive page

I can’t help but think how you’re enjoying this. You say you worry when they tease us, but why do I get a feeling that you’re enjoying it?

I wonder, when will I get to enjoy a friendship that doesn’t doesn’t require me to reciprocate every single thing that the other person does? OR live up to other people’s expectations for the two of us? God. Everyone’s always making a big fucking deal out of everything. I’m getting tired. I’m getting really, really tired of playing this role.

I honestly can’t consider you my friend. We had a good start, until ou became annoying, often times childlike and stubborn. You apologized for your mistakes all right, but you never realize them until I told you. I know you’re aware of what you’re doing, but what did you do? You tested my patience. You didn’t stop pestering me. You thought I’d be this girl who’s always nice and shit. I am nice and sweet and all that, but I am also mean and ruse and foul-mouthed. Pa-close ka masyado tangina!

I cried last night. I cried a drum of tears. I thought I got better, but turns out I’ve been stifling my feelings all along. What’s wrong? I am complicating my life. And it doesn’t help that Trent is always around to add to this awkward feeling.

I used to think that maybe I’m just making a big deal out of it. But perhaps it’s also my female instincts kicking in. And besides Trent showed signs. It was pretty clear in his letter that I’m more than a just the person in the next cubicle. Or the lunch buddy. In fairness to him though, the letter made me feel special, but that’s as far as I can go with it.