Are You Scared Yet? (Part 1)

"Having a sister like mine that has a new boyfriend and never shows that she loves me makes me wonder if she would let something happen to me."

My heart was racings as I sat in the bushes; however, my body was relaxed and calm. I heard footsteps coming closer to where I was hiding. Melissa, my sister, was screaming out my name in the background pleading that I come back. I wanted to go back to the house; however, I didn’t want to be with Melissa and her boyfriend. I had three options. One, hide and wait until mom comes home. Two, go back and face the danger of Melissa and her boyfriend. Or three, pray that someone will save me if danger finds me. In my hiding spot I saw through the leaves and noticed where they were. They were about three yards away from me. I stiffened when I heard my dog Demon barking and growling in my room to come to my aid. Demon is an Alaskan Wolf Husky that was sweet and calm; however, tonight he seemed angry and tense. When I saw that Melissa and her boyfriend went into the house, I gave a sign of relief. What happened next I did not expect. I started to move when my sister said, “There she is!” I saw her boyfriend coming towards me and then bolted in a run. I thought that because of the distance that I had the advantage in getting away. But when I was about to reach the small bridge for the creek, he grabbed me with one hand on the arm and then punched me in the ribs. All of my air was taken from me. My lungs felt like ice and though I gasp for air, it was as though there was no air to breathe in. I was in to much pain to struggle against him as he was dragging me back to the house. I never felt such pain in my life. I just wanted to die right there before they had the chance to do it themselves. Finally, he brought me into the house and dropped me at the foot of my closed door to my room.

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You make it seem like the reader is the Character and it felt like i was the one laying behind that bush. I could imagine myself trying to hold my breath and breathe slowly. You put a lot of different feeling in such a short story. I want more :) Also, great start for a story. Dream more! (aka you know what i mean)