It's nice to be here for Book Brew, and thanks to Martha for deciding
that we fit the February ultra-romance theme.

Because our book, My Funny Valentine, is about an aspect of love and romance that you don't find in more respectable books, the secret underside experience nobody mentions, but everybody has known at some time in their life of passion: that it's FUNNY. So, sorry, our February offering is short on ripped abs and bare pecs and sundered bodices–My Funny Valentine is a collection of forty of America's most hilarious writers coming to grips with the lighter side of love, romance, and other complications.

Valentine's Day is made of romance, but that can mean different things to the long-married, dating burn-outs, grade-school kids, and sci-fi addicts, to mention a few. The thing about such matters of the heart, and other suspect organs, is that sometimes it just makes you cry…and sometimes you just gotta laugh.

The Writers

We thought the idea for this book–an inexpensive gift book of Vday humor–was a good one and would attract some good material, but we were amazed at the number and quality of submissions we got. These are some of the funniest writers alive: winners of the big contests, syndicated
columnists, TV producers, gag writers for popular shows, hot comediennes. Turns out everybody loves humor, but publishers are scared of it. (Possibly because they don't have enough to recognize it when they see it?) It's been great getting to know these people. Now the book has been well-reviewed and people are picking it up for seasonal gifts (and apparently to read and giggle on the bus or "throne", judging from the number of eBooks bought) and everybody's happy. And laughing and loving and all that.

Hi
I'm the lesser half of the "we" Karla mentioned.
We'll run some excerpts here, but first wanted to mention a giveaway. We'll send a copy of My Funny Valentine to whoever's comment kisses up to us the most. Just kidding. We will choose the giftee by a scientific process too complex and proprietary to discuss in public. You'll have it in time to read before giving to your slightly less significant other. We will also give away three downloads in your preferred format.

Here are some samples from our <a href="http://www.amazon.com/My-Funny-Valentine-Hilarious-Complications/dp/1936955040/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1323319997&sr=1-1"> Amazon page. I don’t need a special day to be awkward, uncomfortable and falsely selfless. That’s what dating was for. Blythe Jewell
This is not to imply that the only men who remember Valentine’s Day are philanderers. Some of them, for example, are only thinking about cheating. Greg Podolski
We lovingly refer to it as Valentine’s Day because "Sex for Chocolate Day" was vetoed by the greeting card industry. Leigh Anne Jasheway
Valentine’s Day is about those five little words: Charge it to my Visa. Jim Shea
Inappropriate Valentine's Day Gifts include: Tickets to a ball game, box of chocolates left over from Christmas, vacuum cleaner, herpes. Jonathan Shipley
Clubbing a man over the head with a bat and dragging him into your love den has been interpreted as somehow criminal, by people who belong to fringe groups like the "police" and the "courts". What in heaven’s name is a girl to do?! Kate Heidel

A short one I liked, from our only UK contributor:Twice a Year By Lorraine Sears
The calendar confirmed it, there was no escape. February Fourteenth was here. Most women looked forward to Valentine’s Day, or at least hoped their husband wouldn’t forget. Not me, George never forgot. But then he wasn't the kind of man to buy me roses or take me out for dinner either.
When it came to a Valentine’s celebration George was more practical. He thought it was the perfect date one I could never forget. So the same time every year and then six months later which, funnily enough, was around the same time as our wedding anniversary, he got his way with me. Sometimes I wondered if he planned it that way.
He came into the kitchen with that look on his face. How fast six months came round.
"Come on," he said patting my bottom, "it’s only twice a year."
Easy for him to say, he wasn't the one getting poked.
Seeing my unwillingness he took my hand and with a reassuring smile, towed me reluctantly along behind him.
Ever the gentleman George made sure I was comfortable, reclining me slowly until I was staring up at the ceiling.
"Would it help if I put the radio on?" He asked, cocking an eyebrow.
I shrugged, it might, but I doubted it.
"Nothing too loud or too fast." All I needed was for him to get carried away to some pop song. He nodded and flicked on a classics station.
"Can we have the light off?" I pleaded. "It's too bright."
He frowned. "You know I can't do it without the light, June."
"Fine."
Just then there was a knock on the door. George flushed.
"Do you mind if Inga joins us? You'll still have my full attention, I promise, but I need her."
What could I say? She was already outside the door. I rolled my eyes, which he took as an agreement and let her in.
Inga was tall and shapely, blonde haired, blue eyed and very pretty.
"Hi-i," she chimed.
She was already in her nurse outfit. I cringed, feeling utterly self-conscious, sprawled out before them both.
George opened a drawer and took out a box; when the smell of rubber filled my nose and my whole body tensed.
"Relax, June, it won't take long." I knew he and Inga were waiting for me, but I just couldn't shake the tension. After a moment's wait when nothing changed, George took matters into his own hands. I closed my eyes tightly, concentrating on music.
Five minutes later he was done. I sat up and Inga passed me a tissue to clean myself up with. She was smiling kindly and George was grinning at me with that self-satisfied, somewhat exasperated look he always got afterwards.
He leaned over and kissed my cheek. "Happy Valentine’s Day, darling."
Then, turning to Inga, he said "Can you imagine how she’d be if she wasn’t married to me?"
I scowled. "I'm going to work and leaving you two to it."
"She loves me really," I heard George say as I walked back through to the house. I smiled to myself. I guess there are worse things than being married to a dentist.

I had it in my hand at the Palm Springs Writer's Guild and this man said he wanted to buy it from me. I told him it was my only copy and he could go online and order one. He said, come on I have money, what's your price? Still, I held onto my valuable copy and sent him away without this marvelous book. More proof that owning My Funny Valentine will give you courage and make you do silly things!

That thing about Paul is certainly snappier than "Worship Satan and vote for Newt" message you get from some of our competitors.
Should have taken the sale, Eve… then bought another one wholesale. Let me guess, you never finished your MBA, right?

Thanks to a piece I have in this anthology, (If You Want Loyal and Devoted, then Buy a Dog) I got picked for another anthology. That's how popular this book is, it landed in the laps of New York publishers, who just happened to be looking for humor writers.
"I'm so busy I look forward to Valentine's Day; it's the only way I really get to spend time alone."
~ Suzy Soro

My hope is that my parody "Valentine's Day Hunk" in this anthology will inspire women everywhere to invest in a fantasy hunk "made of medical grade plastic … as close as you’ll get to the real thing." He is anatomically correct (although certain body parts may fall off when wet) and best yet, "his underwear is permanently molded to his body so you won’t have to pick it up off the floor each morning."

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