So the story was good, but you might want to improve on your grammar a bit, because most fan fic people find it annoying when people use text message language in your story. But I like the story line :)

Maybe you could add where the gun shot was coming from? Because I was a little bit confused at that part..

Hi. I just read about one of your reviewers in a fic I've been reading and I am reviewing to apologize on their behalf since they are a hypocrite.

This is actually really good but there are things that could be improved. Please don't take this personally I am not insulting your writing in any way.

My first suggestion is don't change the POV to fast, have about 200 words at the very least per POV and try to only change two or three times per chapter. Also try making the POV bit bold so they are easily seen.

My last suggestion is put a capital at the beginning of dialogue.

For example: "Hi, my mane is Angel."

I hope you do continue this and if you ever need help try finding a Beta, they are there to help with everything from find inconsistencies and spelling and grammar mistakes to helping with OC and plot development.

(And if you feel uncomfortable going to a complete stranger for help I will be happy too.)

I'll try to be as nice as I can without sounding like a douche bag. This story has potential, but it switches points of views too many times. The plot isn't very clear, and I don't understand why Sue got shot (or whatever). Also, you might want to improve the grammar... there are some very nasty people out there. Work on the story a bit, and try to develop the characters more. And have fun writing!