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Wow!! I'm glad I found your blog this evening!!! So glad to hear more of your story!! I love blogs!!! I had a few comments for you!!

First of all, I had to smile when you said you were wondering if you are getting too old....35...... and also questioning whether or not you could love again.....and feel that urge, undeniable desire, lust and love or are you "stuck” for the rest of your life.

I guess we all wonder that and sometimes it seems that we never will experience that again......especially after a break up. But, it looks like you can, right?!?!? That's awesome!!

The whole subject of expectations is so interesting to me. On the one hand, in order to make things happen in our lives, we have to move forward with determination while expecting success and achievement. But, in order to really enjoy something fully, we have to approach it with limited expectations.....especially love.

Have a great weekend and can't wait to hear more!!!

__________________ The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.

Wow!! I'm glad I found your blog this evening!!! So glad to hear more of your story!! I love blogs!!! I had a few comments for you!!

First of all, I had to smile when you said you were wondering if you are getting too old....35...... and also questioning whether or not you could love again.....and feel that urge, undeniable desire, lust and love or are you "stuck” for the rest of your life.
I guess we all wonder that and sometimes it seems that we never will experience that again......especially after a break up. But, it looks like you can, right?!?!? That's awesome!!

Absolutely. I guess that would be another of my lessons learned.

Quote:

The whole subject of expectations is so interesting to me. On the one hand, in order to make things happen in our lives, we have to move forward with determination while expecting success and achievement. But, in order to really enjoy something fully, we have to approach it with limited expectations.....especially love.

Have a great weekend and can't wait to hear more!!!

Thats the balance right. I suppose this varies per person. If the failure of an expectation isn't going to unbalance your wants and needs, and change how it affects you slightly, than expectations can probably be healthy. Its when the failure of said expectation disrupts your life that it can be a problem.

My expectations of what I wanted to happen with E were what created my episodes of insanity. If I had let things lie, and had some dreams, I would have cleared my head and heart a lot faster.

We had a chance this weekend to go Victoria for a camping with some members from this site. This had been a relatively long term planned trip. My initial reasons for going were to discover or understand the poly side and get Pengrah some exposure to poly as she didn't spend online or reading the books. Those concerns are long gone with how well she has come along without the need for being online or reading.

So we came into this trip a little nervous. Finances were tight, the trip itself kept getting flipped a bit on the week of, and of course meeting new people. Some things going on in my life and how they were evolving were also making me nervous to meet them. All that said, we said screw it, and started planning to come down. Thanks to RP for calling me up in the final hour and offering up some equipment which would have been difficult to lug down to victoria. MBG had kindly offered us the same equipment, but transporting it became daunting.

I won't go into a play by play of the weekend, but the group was inviting and intelligent. A large array of discussion and topics. Not to mention a number of interesting people who don't exist on this site. While there were a lot of poly people, this was not a poly meetup. It was a group of people meeting as friends most happened to be poly. Two other people were from this site and I enjoyed my interactions with them as well. Gentlenest (thanks for your patience) and Geminigirl (it was a pleasure to finally meet you) were there and added to the interesting people list.

Lots of good discussion took place from utopian design, ideal relationship structures, mountain biking, bike mechanics, gender differences in athletics and gender identification. While I didn't participate in all talks, I was paying attention to what I could. I found the discussion on egalitarianism in combination with matriarchal lineage fascinating. And while I found the discussion interesting, I kept myself out of it due to a lack of overall knowledge (I have no specific education in the field and my knowledge is based strictly on my experiences). While I don't believe in any utopian society being possible on a large scale due to the differences in people in the world, it was still something to take note of in my head. I also had an interesting thought listening to these well spoken people. I wondered if they realized how exclusionary the discussion could become in the wrong atmosphere. In the wrong group of people, if this had occurred, it could have easily scared someone away due to some of the intricacies of it. It was something I had considered simply because of discussions on the forum recently. As a long term geek, I hadn't ever considered it until this discussion but I have exclusionary often in my life due to the topics i tend to discuss. Not on purpose or design.

Pengrah had her time too. She got to meet and greet people and I believe made some real connections. So happy to see her in this as she was in her element. The first night when there was singing and guitar playing, I knew the group had won her over. Thats exactly her thing and it is something she misses dearly from Ontario. I was so happy for her to slowly work her way through the group meeting and making new friends. God I love her ...

I walked out of the weekend finally feeling i had found a bit more of a space. I have gone through a lot of self-identification challenges and have been exploring various aspects of my sexuality, inclusive of poly, trying to find a place I feel comfortable. Its been an odd 9 or 10 months. I have begun to find that comfort, this weekend showing me exactly what I want in poly. Thank you for this trip and the the new friendships, I am having some NRE for the new people I have met as well ...

On a side note, all of this trip it has made my aeeting SJ even more wanton. Damnit I can't wait until the summer time has slide by so I can see her in 3 weeks.

The weekend couldn't have ended better. We had dinner with Mono, RP and Derby (and of course the kids) and then walked around Victoria. It was a good way to end it as my reason for going was making friends with people who online I have appreciated.

This weekend did that, it ended the way I wanted it to and I look forward to seeing you guys on my home turf ...to the future...

ps...I did warn you RP, I think it is recorded on these forums forever...I was going to pick you up when I hugged you, glad you didn't punch me in the head.

Great blog Ari..but you forgot something. Pengrah will testify to you blushing like crazy after one of Redpepper's ever so long hugs by the firepit

It was a pleasure to meet you guys and I was amazed at how natural we all blended. Thanks for putting the effort into getting here and we will definitely return the trip your way

Yes that was comical. I was shocked I had blushed. I suppose I wasn't expecting it. I have scheduled a good 13 hour introspection session in order to discover why a simple and great hug made me blush like it did

Quite often I feel as if men who lift me up are mocking me in some way. I didn't feel anything of the sort from you Ari, just an appreciation of who I am and a need to connect. After talking so much on here, a good hug from you was just the thing.

As for you blushing? I caught you at a moment when I was taller than you because you were sitting down. I was hugging you with appreciation and a need to connect in that moment. Perhaps I should also thank you for not punching me in the head as maybe you don't like being hugged by taller women and in that moment I was taller heh.

I would of liked to of talked shop more, but, there will be other times. Planning already.