Google

I didn’t want to think I could Google Ben because if I did, I would do it all the time. My obsessive, compulsive nature leads to disturbingly good research skills – both an advantage for journalistic purposes but detrimental to my sanity. But of course, one night, I did it.

Draft a mission statement. Use words like “disruptive”and “innovative” and “relevancy.” Improve the articulation of your idea in Gchat conversations with friends, siblings, ex-coworkers, and anyone who will listen.

These four little words, when left dangling at the end of a sentence like a cancerous limb, can result in a mental breakdown for the person on the receiving end of this inconsiderate conjunction…especially if typed via text message, IM, bbm or Facebook message.

Facebook is a PC. It’s been around so long, we all know how to use it, it’s like the raggedy but comfortable robe we wear on weekends and refuse to throw out. But Google+? Google+ is Apple. It’s clean cut and user-friendly. And once you go Mac? You don’t go back.

Facebook is the Good Guy Greg of online interactions. Facebook just wants to have a good time! Check out these pictures from Olivia’s trip to Spain! Dude! Jeff just won $50 in the lottery! Isn’t that sweet? Let’s poke, bro! Let’s chat!

People know they want to connect with other people and they’ve acknowledged, by signing their souls to more and more accounts, that the Internet is the way to reach this goal. This is why, when I opened up my Gmail account yesterday and saw the Google+ invite sitting pretty in my inbox, I signed up, all the while applauding myself for setting myself ahead of the social media curve.

Of course, I came here 20 years ago, when I was 21 and it was amazing — cheap and filled with freaks. Now it’s freakishly expensive and all those young ‘uns? They work for Google (or Apple or Yahoo or Genetech; there is an endless parade of corporate buses barreling up and down Guerrero headed to or from the Peninsula on a daily basis).

On one hand, we use the internet in a very public way. We tweet pictures of our food, send work emails and talk with our friends. A lot of what we do is meant for public consumption. On the other, the internet is also used to indulge in our most private fantasies.

Here’s a hilarious somewhat thought-provoking video about privacy on Facebook. It’s so strange how the Millennials are more or less comfortable giving a machine their personal information, but not another human being…

I spent the next few hours in my version of a K-hole, which was watching Kate Bush’s music video for “Babooshka” 8,000 times while listening to Pedro talk about Belle & Sebastian B-sides. Despite the lackluster ambience, I was still excited. After all, my plan appeared to be working.