The 12 Ugliest Fan Bases

Yuck. Have you seen these people? Horrid. It’s hard to look one in the face — or even see their bodies — and not throw up everywhere.

11. Memphis Grizzlies fans

It’s not so much that they’re ugly — although they are ugly, way ugly — it’s their complete lack of a jawline. Definitely not models. Unless they’re modeling for Ugly brand faces.

10. swimming fans

Barf. It’s like they all put their faces through a cheese grater.

9. Philadelphia fans

True story: When I was in middle school, I went on a school field trip to Philadelphia. We saw all the usual sights: Independence Hall, the Liberty Bell, the Museum of Art. After our stop at the Liberty Bell, we were all standing on the street waiting for our tour bus to pick us up. My friend Ryan didn’t like history class very much, but he was telling us how he had learned a lot on the trip and found it interesting and would try harder in history class now. As he finished saying that, his gaze moved past us and over my shoulder. He screamed. “A monster! A monster!” he cried. It was a Philadelphian in a Flyers t-shirt. Seconds later, our tour bus approached. Ryan stepped in front of it and was killed instantly. Philadelphia fans are really ugly people.

8. Calgary Flames fans

If Canadians weren’t so polite, Flames fans would probably be executed by the government for crimes against not looking like sacks of garbage.

7. FC Kaiserslautern fans

Ask anyone who follows the second level of the Bundesliga about how unsightly these troll-people are. Actually, no. Don’t do that. If you do, you’ll likely find yourself covered in sausage and spaetzle vomit.

6. Phoenix Suns fans

Another true story: I once had a 10-minute conversation with my dog’s asshole and thought the whole time that I was talking to a relatively attractive Suns fan.

5. fencing fans

If fencers took their masks off and gave them to fencing fans, it might be possible to watch this ugg-fest. Of course, the masks would have to be burned after being used by these mistakes of human creation.

4. Vanderbilt fans

It costs a lot of money to go to Vanderbilt. These people should have saved all that money and spent it on massive facial reconstruction surgery. Not that it would help.

3. Baltimore Ravens fans

In 2007, a Baltimore radio station ran a contest to find the most attractive Ravens fan. The contest was won by a rotten watermelon with a Kyle Boller jersey draped over it. It got every vote.

2. poker fans

Straight flush? More like it looks like someone straight took a dump on theirs faces and forgot to flush, amiright?