So you met a hooker and at first you were cool with it. You didn’t freak out when they first told you about their job and you didn’t freak them out with your response. You started seeing each other and maybe you had some reservations but figured you would work through them with time (read: talk them into your way of thinking). Or you figured whatever you had with them wasn’t so serious so it didn’t need to be a big deal. Or perhaps you even found their job a bit of a turn on. Or maybe you were never ok with it but you wanted to try to make it work anyway. Whatever your thoughts on sex work were you probably realised that it wasn’t your place to say anything… well not yet….

But that was then and this is now. Things are different now.. right? Now that you are (dun-dun-duuuun!!) in love……Over time and as your feelings for them have grown, you’ve found your acceptance for their job has diminished. In the early days you may have repeatedly declared your complete support for them and their work or promised that you would never ever ask them to quit, and maybe you even meant it, but all of a sudden things have changed and now you’re not so sure. This situation might be all new to you, but your partner has probably been through this so many times before like most hookers have. We get it… Apparently it’s different when you love us.

So now what?

Your first decision is whether to talk to your partner about the problems you’re having with their job or to just try working through it by yourself. I suggest you do a bunch of the second before doing the first. Read, think, talk to someone, then read and think some more. When emotions like jealousy take over or we lose control over those feelings of possessiveness, it’s likely that we are not going to be thinking clearly. These feelings are very normal and human, but rarely rational. Taking time to work through your feelings will help ensure you don’t start something in the heat of the moment that you don’t know how to finish. And if you do ultimately decide to talk about your feelings with your partner it will help to be clear about your emotions and your needs, to have considered their point of view and be prepared to offer appropriate solutions. If you’re going to open this can of worms you want to be sure about your feelings and what you want.

If you can wait till you have time to express yourself in a calm, thoughtful and respectful way it will be much safer and healthier and be more likely to produce outcomes that you can both live with. In the meantime can I suggest you try hanging out with other sex workers and their partners. Being in a loving respectful relationship with a sex worker isn’t as out there as you might think. Lots of people love sex workers and manage or struggle while being committed to loving them. You are not the only one expected to do this. Hanging out with others in the industry might help you gain some perspective both in regards to your own feelings, those of your partner and the reality of the work.

Even though your feelings may be irrational it would be unreasonable to expect that you will always be able to ignore them. If problems persist and you’re sure you’re not just having a moment, this post has some ideas and suggestions that might help you negotiate something more palatable to your sensibilities, whilst being respectful of your partner and their needs. And hopefully in the process you will become more aware of your emotions and be better at communicating, regulating and acting on them.

Often feelings about this stuff come from possessiveness, jealousy and misconceptions, you might even be experiencing some guilt or shame or fear. All perfectly normal human feelings and common characteristics, in varying degrees, of most loving relationships. These feelings can be overwhelming or complex or inevitable or over ruling. They sometimes undermine our own logic or long held values and they usually cause confusion and pain. Our emotions affect us all differently at different times and are triggered by different things. At times they may feel all consuming, we lose perspective and the issues can become magnified and out of proportion. Wait for the intensity to pass and when you’re feeling calm try to pinpoint what it is about your partner’s work that triggers these emotions.

Believe it or not, not everyone will understand or agree or feel the same way about the same things you do. These feelings might be common, but for each of us it is often different things that bother us. Your partner might not know what it is about their work that upsets you. For example it might seem obvious to you that you don’t want to hear the details of their work but they might be completely oblivious to the fact that this upsets you, or worse, they may even think you want to know.

Figuring out if there are specific aspects of their work that are bothering you more than others can be hard work and can take time. You will need to try and be reasonable and open minded here. Dig deep. Don’t be satisfied with a thought like ‘my trigger is my partner fucking other dudes for money’. You will need to push yourself further. Try to be more specific. You want to pinpoint what it actually is about them fucking other dudes for money makes you feel the way you do. Is it that you hate them visiting strangers late at night because you are worried about their safety. Maybe you hate it when they change plans with you so they can go to work. Maybe you hate it when they answer their work phone in front of you and you hear them negotiating with their clients. Maybe you hate the hours they work. Maybe it’s that you want them to save something intimate just for you. Or you’re concerned they might fuck your boss or someone you know. Who knows exactly what it is that pushes your buttons, it’s possible you don’t even know. Ultimately you might just want them to quit but if that isnt an option for whatever reason, being clear about what it is that upsets you the most will help you to negoriate a compromise about how they work that takes your feelings into account. For example: in calls only not out calls, set or changed hours of work, changes to what service they provide or how they advertise, changes to where they work etc. Take your time to work through your feelings but try not to be pass agg while you do it.

The next step is to put yourself in their shoes. Consider their reasons for working. What can you offer them in that department? There is no point trying to come to any agreement with your partner if their reasons for working in the first place have not been addressed or at least considered; that would be setting yourselves up for failure. Obviously for many of us a huge consideration is the money – are you in a position to provide for your partner financially? But don’t presume that money is the only thing that it’s about. There are many other reasons we choose sex work such as independence, the control and autonomy we have over our work. Or we may enjoy aspects of the work such as the healing and human side or the performance side or maybe even the sex and drama. It might be the flexibility or the easy access. What can you offer to help meet your partner’s needs in these area.

When considering your partners reasons think outside the square. Don’t just consider the reasons they may have vocalised, if you really want to cover your bases, be aware that there maybe reasons they work that you don’t know about or that they are not even clear about it. So many of us are forced to defend our work all the time in terms of money and need that we often are not comfortable or clear about the parts we do enjoy or do because we like. What else about the work might suit your partner?

By now you should have three lists, one that pinpoints the specifics of what upsets or bothers you about your partner doing sex work (your bottom line) one that considers the reasons they have chosen sex work ( their anticipated bottom line), and one that explores what you can offer to meet their anticipated needs or address their reasons (your bargaining tools). It can help to physically write it all down so you can start to build a picture of the situation and begin to develop possible solutions and suggestions to bring to the conversation.

Consider your approach to the conversation. Play out the conversation in your mind. If you want to have an honest and useful conversation with your partner about their work; don’t give them a reason to lie to you. If they have been able to trust you with the details of how, why, when, where they work, don’t fuck it up now by being an asshole. If you go in all demanding with ultimatums there are a few ways it’s going to go… 1. you break up 2. Your partner says they will do what you want just to keep the peace and you but continues to work secretly 3. They do quit resulting in them not having their needs met and holding onto some resentment towards you.

Stay focussed on the goal of the conversation which is to develop agreements that take into account their reasons for working and your specific concerns. If the conversation gets out of hand bring it back to what it is you need to be ok with this situation, not what you don’t need. Remember it’s the job you have the problem with; you love your partner, so don’t abuse or insult them or call them names.

Don’t expect or accept miracles as a solution. Whatever the conclusion of the conversation don’t make big promises or make them promise anything big. If you do come to an agreement, trial it first. Take it day to day and give your selves a time frame to check back in with each other about how its working for you both. This is just the beginning of a process.

I was able to successfully negotiate around these things with my partner once many years ago but when I tried it again more recently with a new partner it didn’t go so well, but that’s a story for another time. Remember that all relationships can be difficult regardless of what job any of us are doing so be careful to not blame all the problems on their work. Be aware that your insecurities might not disappear even if they stopped doing sex work. In any job your partner works in they might meet potential lovers – You need to be able to trust them. Be honest with yourself and don’t make them jump through hoops if there is a chance the issues are yours and nothing to do with the work. If your partner does quit or change the way they work because of your feelings, don’t take that as them repenting. Don’t make them apologise or feel guilty for their past. Encourage them to be able to talk and think about their experiences without feeling ashamed.

Don’t try to change them, You fell in love with them and their experiences are a part of them. There are so many pros to dating pros, their sassiness and independence, their skills and outfits, their connections and stories. Whores know their worth and you’re lucky enough to get to spend time with them for free – others have to pay for the pleasure!

But If you really hate their job so much and after working on it you believe there is no way around it do yoursselves a favour. Don’t stick around contributing to a toxic situation if all you can do is be hurtful and unhelpful.

If you cant or dont want to deal with it just be a grown up and walk away.

After writing about the time I wasdramatically evicted from the country town I was working in, I wanted to write more about my regular trips out of town. For a few years that was the way I worked. I would travel to some rural location, work solidly for a couple days and return home cashed up. Sometimes I would go to different places but mostly I worked in the same town. It started with an agreement I made with my partner of the time. The only way he was going to be ok with me doing sex work is if I left town to do it.

So when a friend in the industry gave me a tip that there was decent cash to be made in a town few hours drive away, i decided to give it a go. I discussed it with my partner, chose a date and started making plans. As the time got closer, I became more nervous for different many reasons; was I going to make money? What if I lost money? Would it be worth the time it was taking from my busy life? Will I feel differently about the work after not having worked for a while? Would I hate this particular way of working? Am I going to hate being stuck with a driver in a country town, miles from home? Will my partner act weird towards me when i got home? Would he think the money was worth it? Would there be any trouble from the police in town, or the hotel management or clients or the locals? I had all this on my mind as I planned my trip. All my decisions were based on attempting to minimise my financial and personal risk.

I ran an advert in the personals section of the local town paper the week before I was going to be there asking people to book in advance, as well as for the week that I was there. I never count the money before it’s in my hand but I was hoping to get an idea as to whether it was going to be worth my while or not by asking for advance bookings and i figured that giving the potential clients early notice of my trip couldn’t be a bad thing either. When planning future trips I decided to make it a rule that unless I had 10 confirmed bookings, I wouldn’t go. Often one or two would cancel when I was already in town but I could usually pick a few new ones up too.

For this first trip I decided to use a driver. For the following trips I ditched the driver in favour of going with another worker, or even by myself but this time I wanted the security of having someone with me and I wasnt sure if business was going to be good enough to take another worker.

The day came, my driver arrived and we hit the road. I had my two phones, one for work, one for personal, a piece of paper with the details of the 12 confirmed bookings I had for the weekend, my little handbag with condoms, lube, massage oil, and a mini vibrator, a backpack with a little black dress, heels, stockings, trackies, a T shirt, make up, and toiletries. We drove for hours, telling each other stories and listening to music.

My driver was a friend of a friends, he had a nice car and he turned out to be very efficient and useful. He drove me all the way there and back, ran my errands, provided my security and even answered my phone and took bookings while i was busy. In return I paid him a flat fee plus expenses. It felt very luxurious having my own employee.

In trying to reduce the likelihood of contact with the police or being kicked out of my hotel, I decided to do mostly escort bookings where i visited the clients and only had the occasional client visiting me in my hotel. This is not my proffered way of working and in this town it was worse than usual. The town had had a big influx of workers and not enough accommodation to keep up so as a result I was visiting clients in caravan parks, share houses and on mattresses on the floor. I would have much preferred the clients visit me where I was in control of my surroundings but I didn’t want to draw attention to myself and I didn’t want my first trip to end disastrously. I kept discreet, had security measures in place and charged $50 more than I normally did.

I arrived in town at around 2pm and had 2 clients booked in straight up. As we got into town, I called my first client to let him know I was close and my driver pulled into a petrol station so I could use the bathroom and freshen up. It was going to be my first client in a while, I was in a new town, visiting them at their house. I didn’t know what to expect. As I knocked on his door and introduced myself, it all came back to me, like riding a bike. I took the cash and did my thing, in and out and on to the next one. They were not easy but not difficult either. I spent the full hour massaging, talking, sucking, fucking, washing and dressing. No early minutes for me. But I jumped into the car at the end of the second job happy that I had already made enough money to cover my expenses and I was ready to work hard and go home with a fortune.

My driver had taken a booking for me while I was in the second job, this time the client was going to come to my hotel room. I had an hour to spare so I relaxed and showered in my room. All the money I made from here on in was profit and it was only 4pm. I had shaken off the nerves of seeing my first client and my phone was ringing hot. I was trying not to get too excited about money i hadn’t even made yet.

I set my room up and got myself ready for my client. My driver was waiting to make sure i was ok, and then he was going to get me dinner. While waiting for my client to arrive I answered my phone and filled up my booking sheet between 8pm and midnight. I was feeling good that i was going to make money and I still had a couple of hours free straight after the next client.

The 6 – 8pm time slot stayed empty and i remembered it’s always quiet during that time wherever you are, it’s dinner time. It didn’t matter though because I was busy the rest of the evening, finishing up at 1am, exhausted and cashed up. I soaked myself in a hot steamy shower, put on my trackies and then rolled around in my money. I am not even joking. When i publish my book, you will see the photos of me rolling in $50 notes.

I had two bookings for first thing in the morning, one with a client from the night before and the other one was in the cabin of a truck. The client was too nervous to come to my hotel because he thought that people would see him and know he was visiting a hooker which is a common concern in a small town. I often wondered when i went out for food or through the drive through, if people knew i was the hooker that was advertising in their paper. Especially after i had been to the same town a few times.

By the time I had finished the truck job it was nearing check out time and i had to make a decision. I still had bookings for the next night but only a couple, and nothing during the day. Over breakfast I considered my options, should I to stay on for another night or call it quits and head home. I had made nearly 2 grand and I was exhausted. I decided to leave on a high. I checked out of the hotel and did one last escort job on the way out of town.

The drive home felt so amazing. A renewed feeling of whore power! After 2 years of struggling on part time minimum wage, all I had done was outlay $50 in advertising plus a spare sim card and i was able to make 2 grand in just over 24 hours with very little planning.

I was tired all over but i felt satisfied. I rewarded myself with a facial, massage and manicure and pedicure when I got home.

Over the coming years I got to know the town, the clients, the hotels, the take away shops, the bars, the pay weeks, and the routine. It wasnt always as financially rewarding as the first time, but it was successful for many years. It was always hard work but it was always the same amazing feeling on the drive home. Feeling powerful, feeling satisfied, feeling the big wad of cash..

Yesterday I got the keys to my new work space, my very own unit! And today I did my first jobs from there. I have worked in so many different spaces over the years, both for myself and for other people but I have never had my very own place just for me. It’s all mine and mine alone and it is very exciting. Setting it up and slowly settling in, I have been enjoying the challenge of decorating my new workplace in practical and attractive ways that are economical. I refuse to spend money that I haven’t yet earned, I’m not a gambling woman. Pilfering from my home, accepting donations of old furniture from friends and towels and linen from ex workers and watching my ideal work space come together, dreaming about future white goods and artwork. I can put things where ever I want, and they will still be there in the same spot when I come back the next day. It’s so fun not having to compromise with other people!

So because workrooms, brothel décor and furniture placement is what is on my mind I have decided to write about the places I have been paid to fuck in. There have been so many different places I have had paid sex but some things were always the same.

My first ever sex work booking was in a gym after hours. I had just started escorting and my first client was the Gym Manager. During that booking his desk became my workbench, I laid back on it with my legs in the air and he fucked me. The building was dark, big and a little daunting. Afterwards I washed at the basin in the ladies toilets. These days, after so many beds, it would be a fun and interesting job, but back then for my first time, a well-lit private bedroom would have been preferable.

Over the years during escort bookings I have fucked in offices, in ware houses, in cars, in trucks, in the kitchen of a golf club during business hours, on couches, in wives beds, on the floors of empty houses with for sale signs out the front, in backyard sheds, in make shift floor beds, on spare single beds, in spa’s, in caravans, in hotels and motels and probably plenty of other places that i cannot think of.

Being in a clients home is never predictable, the clients might be but their homes and hospitality vary massively. Some clients will show you straight to the makeshift bed on the lounge room floor. Out of respect for their partners they wont do you in the marital bed or even let you close to the bedroom. Others don’t care and will have you in their bed with wedding pictures and children’s toys all around. Sometimes you get the distinct impression there might even be kids asleep in another room somewhere. I have been lucky to not be chased out of a house by an angry partner. Yet. It is a fear though, so I always keep my clothes and money close!

Some want you to have a drink with them or listen to their music or show you their garden or play a game of pool or introduce their dog or show off their big screen tv. Some wont want you anywhere near their things. Some have immaculately clean houses, some don’t. Sometimes you’re at a bachelor share pad in the middle of the day while the other house mates are at work and it doesn’t look like someone has cleaned the shower in years, let alone washed a towel for you. Sometimes you do it on their parents bed because they are away for the weekend and its cleaner than your clients bed.

The only thing the workspaces on my escort bookings have had in common is privacy. I do insist on privacy. The cars have been parked on private property (like in the warehouse haha), the trucks have cute little private bed cubicles and I wont go into a house if I think there is more than my client at home. But once my client is horizontal, my handbag of tricks becomes my portable workstation containing all the tools of my trade such as condom, lube, massage oil, toys, wet ones and a mobile phone sometimes even some lip gloss.

But I prefer in-house work, where the client visits me and I get to control the environment. I pick the music, offer the drink, invite them to lay on my bed, set the lighting and make sure I have clean towels. Make my sex work space is the way I like it. The first brothel I worked at taught me everything I know about a good sex work space. Back in those days the police were very active and my boss used to move the brothel from townhouse to townhouse in order to evade the police or reopen after a bust. She told me it was important to have a place with an address that was simple and easy to find and impossible to confuse. It was so important to reduce the likelihood of clients going to the wrong door and causing neighbours to complain and alert the police.

The town houses were 3 bedrooms with two bedrooms converted into work rooms and one being used for a client waiting room. There was a private space for workers (usually the kitchen)that was off limits to clients and whole place would be immaculate and clean.

In our work room we had a queen size firm and stable bed. No creeks or squeaks to distract our clients during the important bits. Condoms in different sizes and flavours and sachets of lube in the bedside drawer. Tissues, wet ones, massage oil and talcum powder on the bedside table. A chair for clients to put their clothes on, a CD player with something like enya or sade playing, prettily rolled up fluffy towels stacked on a small stand and another towel on the bed folded into a fan like (wh)origami. After taking the clients money we unfold the towel flat onto the bed so the client could lay on it, decreasing any spills onto the bed sheets. And ofcourse there was a clock.

Most of the brothels I’ve worked at since then were pretty similar to this set up, although with varying degrees of cleanliness, classiness, and attractiveness. In Adelaide our brothels are so basic because the illegality prevents people from investing in them. Noone wants to put in spa’s and ceiling mirrors when it could be closed down any minute. Brothels are mostly rented premises in residential areas with usually only two or three work rooms.

Some of the brothels I worked at did not have condoms or lube in the room because they were worried about them being used as evidence, so they would be kept under lock and key only distributed sparingly as needed.

Some staff rooms double as a waiting room for clients, meaning workers are always on display and on duty even between jobs. I hate that. Who wants to get stuck talking to someone elses client for twenty minutes while he waits for his worker? You have to be sweet and polite and noone is even paying you!

While most brothels I have worked in have been nicely decorated, with classy and sensual framed prints hanging on the walls there were some exceptions. One place I worked was decorated with framed photographs of the owners parents, children and family members. I always found this bizarre and slightly off-putting. I wonder if it was yet another strategy to throw the cops of the scent.

And then there was Melbourne, an eye opener. Ten work rooms, a shop front where the clients just let themselves in, big massive dressing room for the workers, showers built into every room, music playing in hidden speakers in every room, special purple lamps to do STI checks on clients, buzzers and intercoms in our rooms. And this brothel also had a couple of themed rooms, a B&D room with a big wooden chair with buckles on it, a rack with lots of toys and pain inflicting devices, and bed with bars and handcuffs attached to it. It also had an orgy room with a king size bed, a day bed and a spa in the room. But even with all the new features and modern conveniences, everything else was the same, there was still a bed, the towel folding, the tissues, wet ones, condoms and lube.

In my private work I have rented rooms with or from other workers and in hotels, motels and apartments. I bring my own towels, I put on the clock radio on for music and I take my money down to my car between jobs as there is often nowhere to hide it when in a small hotel room with your client right there. I put on the big room light for doing business and a softer bedside lamp for doing….. business. I have the same set up with my whorigami on the bed, my tissues, wet ones, lube, oil, talcum and sometimes my toys on the bedside table. I hang my sexy costumes and lingerie in sight for decoration and eye candy.

And there have been times when I worked on the floor, behind a screen on my friend’s apartment floor, or times when I worked on my other friends couch whist visiting her in Darwin (she was working from her bedroom). Times when I rented a room from the Asian parlour around the corner or from the busy suburban brothel 2 suburbs away. Each time I do my best to try ensure the space is private, clean, practical and comfortable and has some ambience or atmosphere. But even when I don’t, it doesn’t stop the clients from paying. I have always felt guilty when inviting clients somewhere that I consider not up to scratch but they never seem to care. They are not there for the towel folding or the music playing.

But I am really enjoying being able to offer my clients a shower in private, playing good music in the background and buying lots of fluffy soft towels. Maybe I should put my prices up?

One of the problems with anything criminalised and stigmatised is that it can be very difficult to get accurate, up to date, relevant and reliable information about it. Writing this blog has led to a number of people emailing and messaging me asking about getting started in sex work. I want to tell you everything I know, but there are so many variables, and I’d be here all day. So as an introduction I write you this letter. I have already written letters to feminists and to clients, Hey little sister is my shout out to all the wanna be hookers. Here are the 20 things I want you to know.

1. Take the money upfront – It’s probably universal, no matter what sector of the industry you’re in, you ALWAYS get the money first. Even if they’re a regular, take the money up front. The one time you don’t do it will be the one time you learn the lesson.

2. Get in touch with your local sex worker organisation – In South Australia, that’s SIN, or you can find the national list here or there is a massive international list here. They will be able to give you current information about the laws and policing strategies in your area. They also have lots of other information and services you might like to access (now or down the track) so have a chat and find out what they can offer. Usually they are staffed by other current or former sex workers, so you wont get judged and you will get the information you need.

3. If you can, work a few shifts or even a few months in a brothel situation with other workers. It’s like an apprenticeship. You’ll learn lots from hanging out with the other staff between clients. You’ll get tips and tricks about the actual work, particular clients, the industry, good places to work, how to avoid police etc etc. It can also be a good debriefing space if there is no one else in your life that you can talk to about your job.

4. Remember you and your service are the product. If you are working for a boss, keep in mind that they need you more than you need them. If you’re not happy with your workplace there are usually plenty of other options in the sex industry open to you.

5. Don’t try to please all the people all the time. Decide before your first booking or shift what you are willing to do, what you are not willing to do, and what you will do only if they pay extra. If you work for a boss, there will probably be some expectation that you will provide a certain service and sometimes it can be difficult to know exactly what will be expected because the laws prevent candid conversations. Be clear in your own mind about your rules and stick to them. If it turns out your workplace isn’t compatible with your needs, you can usually find one that is. If not, you can always work for yourself, that way you can say when, you can say who, you can say how, and how much! Generally if you work for a brothel, you will be expected to provide massage, oral sex and penetrative sex. You are not required to kiss, let clients go down on you, provide anal services or provide any kind of other fantasy or role play. If you choose to offer those extra services, you may sometimes be able to charge extra. You should also remember that fully inclusive services (full sex) are only one type of service in the industry, there are many ‘full body massage’ places, strip joints etc where you can provide an array of sexual services that do not involve full sex. One of the beauties of sex work is you can really make it work for you.

6. Have a basic routine. You’re providing your client with a service. You do it to them, not have them do to you. You can always vary and adapt your routine but have one developed to fall back on. Don’t just lay on a bed and allow them to poke and prod you. Stay in control, even when you pretend you’re not.

7. Use condoms even for oral sex. Use lots of lube because condoms dry you out. If you’re not good with condoms, practice. Make it part of your routine. Don’t listen to any of the clients excuses about why they can’t or shouldn’t have to use one. Don’t even ask them, just slip it on.

8. Don’t be scared to call the police if you need them in an emergency (and then call your sex worker organisation straight after to help you deal with the cops). If you’re in danger, the police need to help you.

9. If sex work is illegal where you are – admit to nothing ever without first speaking to a lawyer. Knowing what you do and proving it are very different.

10. There are a bunch of safety tips I want to tell you, but I don’t want to give away our secrets so publicly because it will decrease their effectiveness. Again your local sex worker organisation can probably help you with that, or private message me.

11. Don’t believe clients. They will always tell you that such and such is doing more for less. It’s a trick. Don’t drop your prices or do services you’re not comfortable doing trying to keep up with the imaginary services of the sex workers your clients are telling you about.

12. You’re hot, and you will make plenty of $$. It doesn’t matter what you look like, how old you are or what gender you are. Find out what it is about your looks, your personality or your skills…. and work it! Don’t try to be someone you’re not or compete with anyone else. There are so many tastes and so many kinks that I guarantee you are exactly what someone has been looking for. You may need to experiment with different workplaces and ways of working to maximise your marketing spin.

13. Invent a story to go with your name. Clients inevitably want to get to know you. If you’re trying to keep some privacy it can be easy to forget who you told what to. Decide on a basic life story and an answer to the “what’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this” question, and stick to it.

14. Fake it till you make it. Both confidence and orgasms.

15. Be careful who you tell. Once you come out of the closet it can be very difficult to go back in.

16. Don’t apologise. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Sex work is just work.

17. Take your bosses word with a pinch of salt. They might try to put you off other workplaces or lie to you about taxes. Talk to your colleagues, the other sex workers in the business or elsewhere.

18. Dont think you’re better than any other sex worker. Whether you work for yourself, or for someone else, in a brothel, on the street, or doing escort services, providing full sex or any other kind of sexual service. There are so many ways of doing what we do, and different types of sex work appeal to different people for so many different reasons. We are all in this together.

19. Trust your gut. If a client gives you the creeps, don’t take the booking.

This post is part of the Sex Work 101 series, along with other popular questions and answers such as what was my most interesting booking? What do you tell your kids? And various other questions to be answered in the future such as, do you pay tax and what’s the worst booking you’ve had. But this post will answer the ever popular question about whether I see female clients.

Yes. I have had female clients. But not many. The majority of my clients, by far are men. And I am fairly confident in saying the majority of most sex workers clients are men.

Most of the women I have seen were part of a male/female couple, who had booked me to join them. I have done many many bookings with couples over the years and have always really enjoyed them. When I take a booking for a couple I generally ask to speak to both of them to make sure everyone is equally as enthusiastic. The last thing I want is to get caught in the middle of an awkward relationship drama.

More often than not I am told that it was the womans idea to hire a hooker because she was wanting to experiment. Obviously there would be times when she just wanted to please her fella, but that was definitely not the case for most. There was one couple i used to see a lot, she was about 10 yrs older than her boyfriend. The second time I visited her she waited for her boyfriend to leave the room and whispered that she used to be a sex worker as well. I saw them lots after that.

These couple bookings are probably different to how you are picturing. Again they are heavily negotiated. I know what they want from me, what their rules are, what they don’t want. I am careful to respect both people and their relationship and nearly always focus most of my attention on the woman. Rather than being some kind of porn scenario acted out for the males pleasure, I often use these sessions to encourage the male to help me pamper the woman. It is very nice massaging a woman after massaging so many men.

I have seen some women clients by themselves as well. But in all honestly, I can count them on one hand. I know other sex workers have had more female clients than I have had, and there are even agencies and brothels that specialise in catering to female clients in the eastern states. But I have seen only a few. 3 of them were women experimenting, 1 of them was a lesbian, and one was a closeted married woman in her 50’s.

Even the male sex workers I know mainly see male clients. Although one of my friends has a number of female clients who have disabilities. They are women who have been very assertive about their sexual desires and pushed hard to get access to a sex worker. Often women’s sexuality is not considered and way too often a woman with a disability is considered asexual.

It also seems, anecdotally, that a lot of female clients are or have been sex workers themselves. I have stories from other workers about female clients who are or used to be a sex worker. They either wanted to see how it was on the other side or they just felt like laying back and being pampered. I even know a sex worker who hired another female worker when she was visiting Adelaide from interstate. I have to admit, it does sound appealing, but I’m too cheap to hire a hooker 😉

Why so few female clients? Well, we can only speculate. Depends on what lenses you use to look at the world through I guess. Some will say, men need or want more sex and women can get it for free. Some say men are given access to women’s bodies due to patriarchy, and I say:

A little from column A) and a little from column B)

Men are often encouraged to embrace and promote their sexual urges. Men often have more access to a disposable income. Women are often discouraged from acknowledging their sexuality at all. Women often have less access to disposable income.

Combine that with an entrepreneurial instinct and a desire for independence and you have yourself supply and demand.

The sex industry is a reflection of society, warts and all (lol – see what i did there?). The sex industry is not the cause of societies problems but it is affected by them. But as society changes, so is the sex industry. There are many male sex workers catering to men who have sex with men, and the number of female clients is slowly increasing too. We know that the number of women viewing porn on the internet is huge, there are female only strip clubs and porn producers.

I look forward to a day when I can confidently tell you that 50% of my clients are women.

Thankyou for spending your money on me. My service is not cheap and in this day and age, I really appreciate that you probably worked hard for that money. For some, an hour spent with me is the equivalent of two or three full days work. For some, an hour spent with me took 6 months of budgeting, and for some, my fee is a drop in a vast and impressive ocean, giving me hope of a nice tip or a good regular. Rich or poor, I appreciate every dollar you give me.

I’m not always sure about your expectations or motives for deciding to make a booking and hand over your hard-earned cash, and I am only one woman, there is no way I am able to be all things to all people. But I want you to leave me feeling that it was money well spent. So I write this letter affectionately and honestly to assist you in getting the most out of your time with me. You may find that some of the suggestions I make also benefit your encounters with other sex workers.

When first making contact with me keep it professional. Only ask the questions that you need to know. Be clear if you are just making enquiries or if you are ready to make a booking. Remember that I get many enquiries and very few of them eventuate into genuine bookings so over the years I have developed a reliable bullshit detector. I learnt it from other whores I have worked and associated with. There really is a collective wisdom being passed around from brothel to the street to escort agencies, massage parlous, beats and bars, from generation to generation. We can spot a wanker (in the literal sense). If your initial enquiries include going into gory details about what you want to do to me, or asking me for more photos, or telling me how big your dick is, or worse – showing me, if you send email after email after email with more and more questions or if you try to bargain with me, I will deem you a wanker. Once deemed a wanker I will either blacklist you, ignore you, give you very limited responses and availability, double book you, or if I do decide to accept your booking, i am likely to treat you with suspicion for the first 15 mins of your time.

If you have specific desires, needs or concerns then please discuss them with me. Try to keep it simple giving only the necessary details. Telling me about your disability, or your kink, or your erectile dysfunction or your curiosities will put you at ease knowing I am then able to tailor the booking to meet your needs. Or recommend you to someone who is able to. If I cannot cater to you for whatever reason please do not take it personally, I am not judging you, I am simply acknowledging that I am not able to provide you the best service for your money.

Be aware that depending on the context I may not be able to discuss things as openly as I would like to. Sex work is illegal in South Australia . If I look anxious and am not forthcoming in answering all your questions there may be very valid reasons why. Please try to read my non verbal cues, or better yet pay me and hope for the best. This situation sucks but it is the reality of our laws here in this state and in many many many other places around the world. If you keep acting like a cop, I will ask you to leave.

Once you pay me there will be plenty of time to talk about all your dirty desires and the size of your penis. You can open up to me about your vulnerabilities in detail and you can ask about extra services available. You can even try your luck in negotiating that barter offer you have in mind. When you put your money where your mouth is, it shows me that you are genuine. It’s only then that I know you’re not a cop, a wanker, or a time waster.

When making a booking be prepared to trust me a little with your personal information. If I’m visiting you, I will obviously need your address. If you’re visiting me it is likely I will want your phone number or email or some other way to contact you in order to confirm the booking. Or to abuse you if you waste my time. If you’re in a hotel I may ask you for your real name so they let me past reception late at night. I know that you are concerned about privacy but we are both vulnerable in that regard. If you want me to trust you enough to visit your home or to give you my address, it’s only fair that you offer me the same trust. I have as much to lose as you do.

If you’re running late or need to cancel, let me know at your earliest convenience. I will appreciate it, even if its last-minute. If you do not show up to a confirmed booking and you do not cancel, I will pursue a cancellation fee. If unsuccessful I will keep your details and share them with other workers to make sure they are aware of the disrespect you showed. It’s not that I hold a grudge, but I need to protect myself. Please understand that I may have to pay rent for the room I booked for your service, or for the hotel room. I may have turned down another booking, or spent half an hour driving to the booking. I may have paid a babysitter or bought new stockings or paid for a taxi. Preparing to see you takes my time and money, please don’t make appointments unless you are confident you can keep them.

When visiting me, make sure you get the address right and that you arrive at the agreed time. Dont upset my neighbours by knocking on the wrong door. Dont upset me by knocking on my door at an unexpected time. I may not be there, I may be with another client or it maybe an inappropriate time. If I said we close at midnight, don’t show up 12:15 and bang loudly enough to wake the neighbours dog.

If we’re in a brothel context I do not mind you asking to meet the other workers but do not suggest that it is because I am not good enough. I don’t mind you having a preference but there is no need to be rude. Don’t look me up and down with disdain or make me jump through hoops trying to prove my worth to you. Don’t make the lame joke “you should be paying me”, I will only roll my eyes. I hear that every day from clients with something to prove. Please pay me upfront. Lets get that out of the way so that we can all relax. Please pay my quoted price without any debate. If you spend the first 5 minutes of our time together displaying arrogant or disrespectful behaviours, I am likely to spend the next 55 minutes of our time giving you a pretty bad service (that’s if I agree to see you at all). When I feel comfortable and confident with you is when you will get value for your money.

Don’t act like you’re better than me or I will be tempted to prove you wrong.

Make sure you are washed and clean, if you need a shower, tell me and I’ll show you where the bathroom is. When washing yourself, pay special attention to your bum, your genitals, your hands and nails. Make sure your dental hygiene is at its best. If you smell bad or have bits of toilet paper hanging from your bum-crack (and a huge percentage of you do) I will ask you to take a shower mid booking. If you have bad breath I will avoid being too close or intimate with you. I will not let you kiss me, and infact i will encourage doggy position only to avoid having you on top of me. If your hands or nails are filthy I may ask you to wear gloves or limit the ways and places that you touch me.

Let me know if you’re enjoying it. You can use your words, your actions or your facial expressions. Telling me it feels nice, responding to me physically, smiling or even a satisfied sigh will make it easier for me to read you making me relax and enjoy the booking a little more. Tell me what you want, nothing shocks me, nothing offends me (at least nothing that involves only consenting adults ). I wont always say yes, but I often will. I am happy to explore your fantasies with you, but if you tell me what they are it will take away the guess-work. You’re paying me by the hour, it’s up to you how long it takes for me to find your secret spots.

I know you might be nervous and that’s ok, sometimes I still get nervous too. But I am a professional, I have done this plenty of times. Try and relax with me and let me take the lead.

Don’t ask me if I’m ‘faking it’ or make comments alluding to your suspicion that it’s all an act on my part. If I am faking it, I am faking it, do you really want me to tell you the truth? Even if I am faking it, I may still be enjoying myself. Asking me to constantly reassure you will only make me feel self conscious and will limit my ability to connect with you.

Dont expect me to bend my rules for you. Not even if you’re my regular. Even if you have reason to believe that I may negotiate, always ask, never presume. If you do something I do not like I will let you know. If you do it again I may decide to end your booking immediately. If I decide to give you a second chance I will finish the service in a very clinical and controlled way focussing on controlling your behaviour rather than providing pleasure. Conversely if you show respect for my boundaries, listen to my verbal and non verbal cues and ask if you are unsure, you will find that I am very open minded.

Respect the need for latex. I know condoms are not always ideal for a whole range of possible excuses you could offer me, but they are all I have. I work hard to make safe sex sexy and if you pay attention you might learn some things. Trust me when I say no to your request for “natural services”. If you persist I will be forced to graphically explain the worst possible unsafe sex scenarios. And that is a bit of a mood killer. Don’t ask me if I’m clean or tell me that you are, just use a condom. And while on the subject, if during the service i notice something that could be a symptom of a sexually transmitted infection, don’t get upset when I point it out. Most STI’s are fixed with a trip to the doctor, and others can be managed. You might be right when you try and explain it away, it might just be skin tags and not warts but I might not be in a position to take the risk. I will not kick you out, but I will have to provide a different safer service. Please know that my level of care to ensure our sex is safe will mean that you can have a guilt free hour with me.

If you’re going to drink, take drugs or masturbate before our booking, do not blame me if you can’t get an erection or achieve an orgasm. In fact, don’t blame me for that no matter what the reasons are. Same goes if you cum to quickly. I do my best to time our sessions perfectly, but you well know that there are things beyond my control that affect your sexual function. Dont be embarrassed by it, you’re certainly not alone. When you’re with me there is no pressure or expectation, your sexual performance is only of concern to you. You payed me and I want to make sure you don’t regret it, so if you experience problems in any of these areas due to drugs or alcohol, prescription medication, physical reasons, emotional reasons or anything else, I will be happy to spend the session trying, playing, pampering, massaging, or whatever we negotiate. But please don’t expect me to perform miracles or give refunds

Be respectful of my time and the time you payed for. Remember you payed for a service, not just the sex. If you need a shower at the end or take a long time to dress or you want to sit and have a chat, make sure you allow for that in your booking time. Dont try to delay having an orgasm until the last 5 mins and then expect me to go overtime when it doesn’t happen straight away. Understand that i may have other appointments, i may be paying for the room by the hour, I might have to answer to a boss, I might have kids to pick up from school or I might have to get to the bank before it closes. As intense as the session may have felt, if the time is up, the time is up. It’s not personal, but I am a busy woman. If you need longer we may be able to negotiate extending the booking, feel free to make me an offer.

If I gave you a good service, tip me. Or at the very least – tell me.

Be discreet, if you see me on the street, don’t approach me, understand that just as you may have reasons why you don’t tell everyone that you book sex workers, I have reasons for not telling everyone about my work. If you attempt to approach me in any way outside of the sex industry you will not be happy with the response you get from me. On the other hand, please keep looking for my adds and follow me from business to business as I try out different workplaces over the years, we can grow old together.

I was pretty keen to return to sex work after doing the dutiful wife thing for a while. During my semi retirement from the sex industry I had found other work and done some study. I did enjoy my ‘straight job’ but as soon as I separated from my children’s father I was planning my return to sex work.

I missed the money and the flexibility of sex work. Obviously. But it was more than that. I missed hanging out with other sex workers, I missed providing indulgent pleasure, I missed the compliments, I missed the feeling of being my own boss, even when I was working for someone else there is power in knowing you are (or your service is) the ‘product’. And Ofcourse I missed playing dress ups! Wigs, lingerie, costumes, sexy shoes, red lipstick, pretty nails… the best excuse for a usually plain looking busy single mum to indulge my girly side!

Besides stopping sex work was never my idea in the first place so I had no doubts about returning.

But things had changed since the last time I worked. I’m mother now. I had to rethink my happy hooker image this time round. So for the first time I went into the hooker closet where I stayed for a long time. I wanted to protect my children from the stigma that my job carries, and I needed to protect our family from the discrimination that we might have otherwise faced. Through sheer determination my separation with the father had been fairly painless, there had been no custody battles and I certainly didn’t want to jeopardise that. Not to mention, sex work is STILL ILLEGAL in South Australia! I didn’t want to make our family vulnerable to attacks from any of the possibilities I had considered or the ones I hadn’t. So I invested in a wig.

I reduced my hours at my straight job, took my wig and started working at a very small escort agency. Originally I only kept my straight job as a cover so my friends, family and the whole world wouldn’t find out my dirty little secret but it turned out I really enjoyed the variety of the different roles I had or the different hats I wore in my day-to-day life. I was a stay at home mum on some days, I had a respectable day job on some days, made wads of cash on other days and, with my kids spending every second weekend at their dads, I had a chance to act my age and spend my wads of cash on the occasional night out on the town. I even kept up with a little bit of study throughout it all, it kept me busy between bookings.

And busy I was. The escort agency I worked at was very small with not many staff. I mainly worked during the day sitting alone with the receptionist while she worked the phones trying to secure bookings. When she got one the owner/driver would drive me to my booking and bring me back to the office to wait for the next one. Day business for escorting was pretty quiet and that was fine for me because it meant I was the only worker on shift. But it also meant I was pretty much the only one making money. Businesses need more than one worker to make a profit. So when the receptionist left, the owner decided not to replace her.

Fine by me, I started answering the phones. I could do a better job of selling myself anyway, plus this way I get all the day bookings PLUS the receptionists cut!

Now here is where I let you client types in on a little secret. I know many trade secrets, most of which I will never tell. But some are harmless and make for a good story.

I’m sure this will not come as a surprise to those experienced punters, but many sex industry businesses find very creative ways of marketing the workers they have available to potential clients. While mostly it’s just a case of finding enticing ways to describe the workers using rose-tinted glosses and sexy adjectives, there are some businesses that will take it further. Everything from exaggerated measurements and optimistic age ranges to completely made up characters are used in an attempt to get a bite from potential clients. Some places are worse for this than others, I once worked at an agency that had standard adds running daily in the local paper that read “Eva Italian brunette lingerie model” or “Candi the blonde beach babe” and when a client called up looking for Eva or Candi the agency would send out any blonde or any brunette available. And if there is no blonde to play the part of Candi, no problems, we have wigs.

A common trick is to ask the caller what kind of worker they were looking for. If they tell you they want a mature redhead – Hey Presto! That’s what we invent.

And so with only one worker (me) answering phones and doing bookings I quickly adapted to this sales technique. I had 2 different wigs, 3 different names (4 if you include the receptionists name) and a couple of different life stories.

I was Nikki the 21-year-old bubbly blonde, busty and cute

I was Bridget the brunette in her early twenties with the hourglass figure

I was Melissa who was 27 with a platinum bob and long legs.

And I could pass for all three descriptions easily. I enjoyed playing the game, it amused me. As a single mum I already had so many different hats, and now one of them was wearing a bunch of different wigs.

Pimping out my three characters worked well for a while, they all got repeat business and we all made money. And then the inevitable happened. One of Nikki’s clients wanted a booking with Bridget. And he was quite persistent.

Well I had felt pretty clever up until then, but the gig was up. I was a good mattress actress but I couldn’t pull that one-off (so to speak). The client was disappointed to learn that both Bridget and Melissa had run off into the sunset together never to return, preventing him from ever meeting either of them.

Not long after, I took Nikki off the market and went looking for greener pastures.

Before I left escorting I decided to give day shift a go. I liked day shift, the clients were more civilised even though there were less of them. I didn’t mind though because I’d often be the only worker on shift and the agency would let me work from home which meaning I could hang out at home and my driver would pick me up when I got a booking and drop me back after rather than me having to sit at the agency all day.

It was on one of these day shifts that had my first ‘fetish’ client. As was the annoying norm at this agency, I was given no warning about what to expect from this booking even though he was probably promised someone who was experienced and ready to provide the specialty service that he requested. With only a name, the booking length and price and a driver who knew the address and phone number, I accept the booking and wait for my driver to collect me.

My driver delivered me to the dodgy ‘pay by the hour’ motel. The one with the mirrored ceilings and filthy carpets. At least I didn’t need to be concerned about standing out as i walked through the reception of this cheap motel. Me in my trashy nightclub clothes in broad daylight. Carrying my tiny little hooker bag, just enough room for condoms, massage oil and lube (before the time of mobiles phones). Clip clopping around on my high heels i eventually find the right room.

I am never sure what to expect from behind the closed doors, I don’t usually think too much about it. All I hope to see is a person with cash who is clean and happy to see me. Sometimes I see business suits, sometimes i see blue collars, sometimes i see party T shirts, sometimes i see bare skin and nakedness. Even at this early stage of my career, there wasnt much I thought would surprise me. And when this client answered the door, I pretended to not be surprised. From the ground up, I saw bare feet and bare legs – OK naked man. I’m used to this. Next up… a nappy (or a diaper for you americans). Yep, he was wearing a nappy. A cloth nappy with huge big nappy pins. Umm……quick regroup – so, I’m seeing an adult baby client. OK. I heard about this, i can do this. Straight face, not a flinch of surprise to give away my lack of experience. Remember my motto ‘fake it till you make it’. Keep my eyes moving up, bare tummy, to be expected on a baby on a hot day, and eyes moving upward –

HOOOOOLD UP! A pink lace bra. Ok, this I could not comprehend. A nappy AND a bra?

I couldn’t help myself, I burst into laughter.

“A baby in a bra? are you a baby or a lady?”

He just smiled. So my ultra professional, nothing shocks me, exterior somewhat diminished, he lets me in, seemingly happy by my taunting. He removed his oversized dummy from his mouth and asked me if I was ok with it (‘it’ being his choice of clothing i presumed) while handing me his cash. Ofcourse I was ok with it. You are wearing a nappy and a bra, and you’re clean and you have money and you’re smiling. Im fine with it!

As a boring vanilla service supplying whore, this was definitely an interesting booking. He wet his nappy, ok, I can change it for him. He wanted me wear the wet nappy, nope, I draw the line at that. He wanted me to feed him a bottle, no problems. He wanted me to wear a clean nappy and wet it myself, nope, no thanks. He wanted me to wee on him but I knew my bladder would not oblige. He offered me extra money, still I declined. He offered even more and more and more money, but I know my body, my bladder gets stage fright, I knew that no amount of money would convince my bladder to let go of control whilst squatted over an adult baby in a pretty pink bra. But it was clear he needed to be relieved of his money so I finally agreed to go to the toilet in front of him. On the toilet. Not on him, nor in his nappy. He watched as I trickled, he was a very happy baby.

We spent the rest of the booking playing baby games and being an affectionate mummy. I gave him hugs and kisses and the hour ticked over.

Fantasy play finishes like clockwork 10 mins before the end of the booking and I showered and jumped back into my drivers car, giggling to myself. My driver could see my amusement but I didn’t say a word, a good hooker doesn’t kiss and tell (untill years later in an anonymous blog). I added the experience to the growing collection of memories that have been teaching me about human sexuality and psychology. Feeling honored to share in so much of the unspoken (and happy i made extra money)

I was at Pity Girls for about 8 months in total. It was escort only, based at a no frills office building in the centre of the CBD with a nice big car park. It had a small office used as the phone room where the receptionist took the phone calls, a bathroom with a shower which was in need of a clean and ofcourse the ‘girls room’ which is the lounge where the workers hung out between jobs. It had a big tacky old modular lounge, a day bed with a single mattress and pay TV (a novelty to me back then). Typically there would be a coupla sprawled out bodies sleeping while we waited, a stiff looking driver pacing around or staring at the tv alert and waiting for the next job and a bunch of fast food wrappers, overflowing ashtrays and empty lemon rusky bottles. On a quiet night there would probably be another driver and some workers out in the car park listening to car stereos and sharing joints, bitching and giggling. On a busy night the place would be deserted and workers would be taken out early in the night and wont come back till daylight. While the escorts were mainly ‘ladies’, there were also ‘rentboys’ and ‘trannies’ as they were marketed in the industry back then. Of course most of our clients were men (but not all). In the phone room the receptionist had our ‘description cards’ with our assigned hooker name, a set of random body measurements that rarely reflected our real body shapes, a vague romanticised description and a tickbox list of the ‘extras’ each of us may offer (usually for extra cost) or our do’s and donts, these might include – kissing, toys on you, toys on them, golden shower, role play, dominatrix, bi double, couples, anal. It was a pretty steep learning curve as i fumbled my way through my first few months, learning my new job. And while i certainly loved the lifestyle that sex work afforded me, I didn’t love it all. It takes a while to settle into a new job and figure out what you like about it, and what needs to change. But I did.

The Pro’s and Con’s of pity girls, escorting and sex work.

I loved the disposable income.

I hated the shit pay.

I hated working all night.

I hated wearing nightclub clothes in the daylight.

I hated drunk groups of guys.

I loved drunk lonely old men with gold credit cards.

I hated going into fancy hotels looking like I don’t belong.

I hated wandering around dark blocks of flats looking for the right number.

I loved it when my driver walked me to the door, checked out the house first and took the money safely back to the car.

I wasn’t so keen on sitting on my clients couches and talking to them politely waiting for them to take the lead to the bedroom.

I hated fucking in their wives beds with photos of their kids on the walls.

I hated doing group bookings where a couple of us workers would see a group of friends. We would stand awkwardly waiting while the clients would awkwardly try to figure out which one wanted to see who, trying to be nice to each other, trying not to offend the hookers, but not wanting to get stuck with the one they found unattractive, we didn’t care, we just wanted the to make a decision. And then often we would all be doing the deed in same room. We wouldn’t swap partners, but i still hated on the injustice of all these extra people seeing me fuck and not paying for it.

I loved doing group bookings when I was with my trouble making friends. One night I remember my friend leaving the hotel room of a group of guys we had just seen and she was wearing their hotel’s plush towelling robe under her nightclub clothes, after she had spent the booking heckling the poor guys in the way that only she could do. She cracked me up.

I loved doing doubles and couples when I got paid twice as much for half as much work.

I loved that my agency always took my side over the clients no matter what.

I hated that my agency treated the clients like shit and encouraged us to the same.

I hated my name. The receptionist on shift named me at my interview because I couldn’t think of my own fake name. I was Chantelle. I chose a new fake name as soon as I left Pity Girls.

I hated it when the receptionist promises the client a tiny Italian lingerie model with an accent just to get their commission, and then send me and I’m left dealing with the disappointed and grumpy client.

I hated it if I got stuck in the car with a dum driver for the whole night, who drove slow making me late for my bookings and again leaving me to deal with an unhappy client.

I loved getting my favourite driver, we would listen to all his cool cd’s and smoke pot and he made me laugh lots, and one time when a client cancelled me at the door because I wasn’t ‘his type’, my favourite driver told the client that he wasnt our type either and we laughed hysterically as my driver demanded a cancellation fee. I loved him for that.

I hated being rejected at the door, or sent to fake addresses.

I hated driving all the way north from all the way south, wasting 2 hours on the road just for a half hour booking that only pays $35 bucks!

I hated that when I finally told my usually supportive, open minded mother what I was doing for a job, her response was a very angry and hurt: “how long before you stick a needle in your arm” *phone slams down*

I loved it how eventually (days not weeks) my mum calmed down, sat down and told me her concerns which led me to changing workplaces. I went ‘in-house’. I stayed a Pro, but I dumped a bunch of the cons!

My first time. This is my first blog and after nearly two decades in the sex industry, i have a lot to catch you up on. Let’s start at the beginning, please indulge me as i tell you about my first night as an escort. At ‘Pity Girls’.

Haha, Pity Girls. It’s an in joke. It’s what the other escort agencies nick named my work because it rhymed with it’s real name and because we apparently scored lowly in the ‘high class’ department. A reputation that as far as i can tell, seems to depend soley on the way the workers look and the cost of the rent in the building you work from. Stylish apartments and skinny 18 year old workers =- high class. Ex housing comission house in the suburbs and workers with stretchmarks = not high class. Having a reputation for being ‘high class’ as i found out 3 employers later, has nothing to do with good work conditions. In fact I don’t know why, but the nicer my surroundings have been, the more shit my work conditions were. I might explore this in another post. But anyways. ‘Pity Girls’ wasn’t high class. In any sense of the word.

After my big scary brush with the law earlier in the story, i had not returned to the sex industry. I had a go at other jobs that young people do, check out chick, delivered the paper, and other empowering careers like that. Hating on bosses, and early starts, and low wages it wasn’t long before my motivation to get up and go to work left me. On one of my ‘sick’ days i was watching daytime soapies with my friend. She had bought me lunch. I bitched about work, and demanded she tell me how she had afforded to buy me lunch AND a bunch of new outfits. And so tell me she did.

It was an easy decision to walk out on my lunchbreak at work the next day and not return. Knowing i didn’t want to be there, and having another option, it was almost too easy. Going for an interview and starting work as an escort was not a big deal to me. I didn’t loose sleep over it. After my first shift I didn’t feel guilty, dirty, violated or ashamed. I felt tired, and I felt satisfied that I’d worked hard and made money, and that I could do it again tomorrow.

At pity girls back in the day (mid 90’s), we got paid….. wait for it……. $35 for half an hour and $50 for an hour. My shifts started at 8pm and finished between 4am and 8 am. With the low pay and the time lost on the road travelling too and from bookings, on a busy night I took home $300. Yep, not high class. Not big bucks for long and tiring hours. But at the time, wow! that’s $300 in my pocket every night I worked. Not bad for an 18 year old. We had to pay for our own condoms and lube, and (i found out later) the business marked them up, so took a profit from that too. Bad form.

But at least at Pity Girls, we all had our own drivers who would drive us to and from bookings, take us to the door, take the money from the client keeping it safe, check the house out to make sure no one else was there, and wait out the front for us. They were paid to be our security. This wasn’t the case at other agencies I worked at later. I felt safe at Pity Girls. And stole a lot of the safety strategies i learnt there to use throughout my sex work career.

My clients ranged from young drunk guys after a night out, old lonely widows, husbands who’s wives are out of town, truck jobs, couples, lots of ‘party bookings’ where a group of clients would book a group of escorts (the sex was still one on one but often in the same room), fancy hotels, club houses and workplaces. Infact my first ever booking was in a gym, after hours, with one of the employees.

I was nervous about getting naked in front of strangers, as, like many women, I had some body image issues, but i resolved to fake it (confidence) till I make it. But giving a massage, letting them touch me, having sex… did not upset me. I found it easy right away, but it took me a while to develop a pattern and learn the ropes. It wasn’t until a week after i started sex work that A CLIENT told me that I was supposed to use condoms for oral sex. Woops. Just because you know how to have sex, doesn’t mean you know how to do sex work.

I stayed at Pity Girls longer than I should. Once i left there i realised how much money i could be making elsewhere. But it took so long to explore other options because i was scared. Scared of the law. Escorts are left alone by the police. It is too difficult for the police to get the evidence they need when the sex and exchange of money was taking place in a clients home. But the stories that management would tell us workers about police harassment at every other sex industry business ensured my loyalty to Pity Girls. For a while.