Friday, September 6, 2013

The latest in Do It Yourself Diagnosis

Doctors, Shmoctors. It's 2013, who needs 'em?

After all, we've had more than a decade of big pharma commercials successfully convincing us that every ache and pain COULD be the sign of a More Serious Condition, so we should "ask" our doctor about this or that very expensive medication with six pages of possible horrible side effects. (By "ask," of course, the ads really mean "demand that your doctor prescribes this if he doesn't want to face a lawsuit or the loss of a gullible customer.")

We've skipped the obvious next step- in-home blood tests- and gone straight to DNA mapping through the mail. And what do these DNA tests tell you? Well, if you listen to the spokeschoads, nothing less than Who You Are. "This is Me" the chirpy idiot tells us. Um, ok. Now what?

"So THAT'S why I sneeze" another severely damaged, bored human being with $99 burning a hole in his pocket adds. Same question to this guy- Ok, now what? Now that you've paid some bullshit company a chunk of money to give you a lot of really pointless, non-helpful information, what exactly are you going to do with it?

"This is not a substitute for professional medical advice." Ah, so that's the answer. You are going to take this "information" and-- go to a doctor. A doctor who, if he is worth the diploma on the wall, is going to set aside your pages of "test results" and take some of your blood and urine and check it out himself, making your idiot episode with "23 and Me" a waste of money AND time. Congratulations.

Seriously, what is the matter with you morons? Ran out of leaves to click on Ancestory.Com, got tired of being reminded that nobody is looking for you BeenVerified.com? Simply can't bring yourself to give just a little bit of that money you clearly don't need to charity? Because this has GOT to be the very height of self-absorption, don't you think?