Trigger: pregnant and fear husband has returned to cheating

This post might make some people annoyed and sick but I ask you to have compassion. If you don't have anything nice to say then don't respond. I am friends with a lot of ladies on this board and two other well known boards and opted privacy as my issue is deeply emotional and hard.

I've been married for 9 years and have 4 kids. But have an angel baby. To let it be known we are expecting again.

When we were dating it was a rocky relationship. We dated for 5 years. Through it he was abusive. He would get drunk, hit me, throw things and embarass me in public. There were many times we broke up and reconciled and broke up and reconciled. Worst is that he cheated as well. The last break up we had it was for 6 months as he cheated and hit me into a door. He tried to win me back and did so by going to counseling and cleaning up his acts. Though we were not together something happened that shaped the love we had for each other. He got sick and it was through that time he learned who his friends were and who cared for him. I use to visit the hospital religiously every day and be there for him. It was through that time we reconnected and built our relationship back up. When we began dating again, things were really good and he later proposed to me.

Two weeks after we married I began to get emails from one of the girls he cheated with. She would tell me that he and her hooked up when we were back on as a couple and that he never changed. Yet she told me that three days before our wedding he slept with her. I did not believe it and therefore confronted him. He denied it and claimed she was a trouble maker. As the days and months went by life was of him traveling constantly for work a lot. He has to travel for work. When I got pregnant with our first child he came clean in a heart to heart that he had feelings for an ex but still loved me. This revelation took place when we were at our lowest point as DD was born at 30 wks and was in NICU. I told him that he was a coward and loser and if he wants to play house with someone else that he should go to them and spare me heartache. I told him he was a joke because having a child in the NICU was not easy and when I needed him he was emotionally hurting me. He stayed with me until DD was released from hospital and stayed home for a month. After the month he left saying he needed time to think things through and clear his mind. That he still loved me and wants to be my husband and be father to DD. So he left and was away for two months. When he came back I got us into marriage counseling and tried to make things work.

One night we had an argument as he was not helping me as he should have been. His response was cursing and throwing things in anger. I told him to sleep in spare room as he was bordering on time out. That very night he in attempt to love me up for forgiveness raped me. He pushed himself on me and did what he did although I said stop. From then I could not look at my DH in a loving manner for a while. He apologised saying sorry, buying gifts, a new car and trips. From that incident I got pregnant. I sadly miscarried at 16 wks. He wanted to try for another baby and we did. When I got pregnant again our DD was in NICU as she came at 32 wks. I then found out that he cheated on me with someone from his past. On his facebook a girl posted on his wall "i love you and miss you", "Hi I miss our chats let's skype soon", "you were always my best lover". People seeing such posts responded asking her if she knew he was married and had kids. She said yes and that it was all innocent as they are friends. People told her to quit at it and grow up. She then posted a pic of them in a club and captioned it as "my main man". She tagged him and foolishly did not know that her settings had it as public to be viewed by everyone. I then called her out in a message and she said they were fooling around and tell me the things he would tell her. I got so much info that I confronted DH and asked him to leave. He told me he was not about leaving as it is his home and we were working things through in counseling. He said that he would sleep in the spare room and we could work on things. I told him his cheating was getting out of hand and I was not for it anymore. His response was that he knew i wold not leave because i love the money and lifestyle. I do not have a job and know leaving would make no sense. Plus if i chose to leave he would fight me like a dog for the girls because he would not want no other man raising them. He said he had sex with the girl once as they were half drunk and she was too clingy. I did not believe that. I told him that he was ignorant because if i opted to divorce him i would have ammo of his cheating and lifestyle of abuse and no court would give him sole custody. Later when we had arguments or fights he would take my money and keys.

I went to his mother for guidance and she told me that no person is perfect. She said that she give him credit for still going to marriage counseling and being a good father to the kids. She felt that I should try a new slate and start over one more time. She told me she had my back and would be a watch out on things. So I decided to start over with DH. He started back his drunkeness and embarassing me in public infront friends and family. I did not have "love" for him much and just focused on my girls. He would sleep in the bed with me and when we fought he would sleep in the spare room. When times would come that I was being nice to him in a loving manner he would use it as opportunity to get sex from me. That is how it went on. When I got pregnant with the twins he was there for me and them.

Fast forward to now: He said he wanted another baby. I was ready too and we began TTC. It took a good while. In July this year a lady started calling the house telling me that my days as Mrs. so and so were numbered and that she is going to be soon living in my house. This is at the time we were TTC. I ignored it because there were no signs there to make me question. When I later found out about being pregnant we were happy. But the happiness for me stopped when I came across odd behavior from DH. He gets up early in the morning and chats online or on the phone. He takes his conversations outside and weekends that he should be home he stays where he is rather than spend with us. I might be wrong but don't want to argue for stress on my body because of my pregnancy health issues. My sister was telling me to trap him and see but I don't know what to do. I worked hard this year and would hate to know that he cheated while we were TTC and is still now that I am pregnant.

I know lawyer is what to do. I have general fear that i may lose my girls or they m ay get severely psychologically damaged from all this and resent me from taking them away from their father and breaking up the family. They are close to him and i do not want to break it entirely. It is going to be nasty. With my pregnancy he says he loves this baby and can't wait to may when they are due. Plus my body can't take stress in pregnancy. He knows all that.

You have done MORE than enough to save this marriage (which should have been given up on a long time ago). It's time to get some balls and get out. Stop pimping yourself out for money and letting him walk all over you. This guy is a psychopath and you need some major therapy to figure out why you think it's ok to stay in a relationship that is beyond abusive with a man that cheats on you constantly. Also, please STOP having children with this person. You're making it more difficult to leave with every child you have with him.

--

Terra, married to the love of my life, mommy to Mason (10/4) and Hunter (10/5)

I know lawyer is what to do. I have general fear that i may lose my girls or they m ay get severely psychologically damaged from all this and resent me from taking them away from their father and breaking up the family. They are close to him and i do not want to break it entirely. It is going to be nasty. With my pregnancy he says he loves this baby and can't wait to may when they are due. Plus my body can't take stress in pregnancy. He knows all that.

This is what you say but it's not what we see. If you truly cared about your children you would have left YEARS AGO. I don't think any same woman would rather let her kids see their mom be abused in every way possible. Can you not understand that? YOU ARE NOT BREAKING UP A FAMILY. HE IS. He is the piece of shit who decided I'm going to cheat, beat, and rape my wife. Is that what you wants your kids to go through? You want them to be raped and beaten? Get a fucking hold of yourself. Wake the fuck up!!!! Don't you have people that care about you enough to tell you this man is EVIL. Who the fuck cares I he is cheating?!? GOOD RIDDANCE!!! Again... I wish I could shake you. :( I feel sad for your kids.

--

Thanks.... it's not much of a tail... but i'm sorta attached to it.. -Eeyore

This has made me so angry. :/ I just don't understand why you would put yourself and your kids through this. Get a lawyer. He does not get to dictate how everything that was accumulated in the marriage is divided. He SHOULD NOT get custody of your kids but it may now be too late because you had your head up your fucking ass and didn't call the police when he beat and raped you.

As a mother and woman. You disgust me.

--

Thanks.... it's not much of a tail... but i'm sorta attached to it.. -Eeyore

So move 3 hours away. If I had to guess, I assume the family problems you have are based on you defending him over and over. Talk to them. Are you only going to solve the problem if it's really convenient to do so?

For the record, to be a good father, you must nurture, or at least respect the mother of your child and provide a good example. I'll add that to be a good mother, you must do what is best for your children despite your fears and insecurities. Both of you need work in the parenting department. These kids are in chaos and you are intentionally having more.