Saturday, February 5, 2011

My heart is overflowing...

I know you must be wondering...was our second attempt at a sleepover successful? I'm afraid not. Sad. The hospital bed (twin size) is good for our naps, whenever we happen to get one, and really good for cuddle time, but to sleep-all night? Nope. Around 11pm, I had just started to drift to sleep, when I felt Cale move. I was feeling really uncomfortable, and when I opened my eyes, I realized that I had somehow gotten pinned to the bed railing. Cale was sound asleep! So...I decided that unless I was going to keep both of us up all night, I needed to get to my bed. I told Cale this morning, we're going to have to run off to a hotel for our anniversary (if we're allowed), so we can spend the night with each other! Isn't that what you do when you're married? Wake up cuddled together? At least that's how it's always been for us...I know we're both wanting it so bad. It gets harder and harder to say good night and have to leave. Goal: anniversary getaway!

After Cale did OT, PT, and ST/Rec group, we headed for the beach! We went with another patient here and his mom. It was fun! It was so great to get away and get some fresh air. We first found a place to eat lunch. There were a few really tiny places, but the area we went to, didn't have too much to offer. We brought the wheelchairs, so we needed to make sure they would fit easily. We spotted a big restaurant with really big windows, so that seemed to be perfect. When we were getting out of the van, Shirlene asked if Cale was going to walk or take his chair. I didn't bring anything other than his chair so I was going to say chair, but before I could, Cale said, "walk!" Hmm...so, we broke some rules. I do plan on confessing to Pat tomorrow though! :) Cale is only cleared to walk with out a device on the unit...not in a beach town an hour away! BUT something amazing happened because of it. First, Cale wanted to walk! He's been saying no constantly and really fighting it, unless of course, he's walking Kovin! Second, I could tell it was hard, and he was tired, but every time I asked if he wanted his chair, he said, "no!" He walked (holding my hand), all the way to our seat and then back to the car. I'm so proud of him.

I could tell a difference when he was walking and I think it was because we were out and around people. It was out of the hospital and he had a big smile. I think (even though I know I shouldn't have!), it was good that we gave walking a try, because it brought up a couple things that I'm going to ask about trying with Cale before we leave that might really help in the future!

The restaurant we chose, ended up being a little pricey. I should have known when we walked in and there was an elevator for us to take. Also, the pretty view of the ocean, should have been a hint. Out of everything on the menu, Cale chose a $17 cheeseburger. It was the cheapest thing on the menu, so I was ok with that! :) My meal tied...! Everything was yummy! After our tummies were full, we went to the water and Cale put his toes in the sand! He loved it! We even walked to the water and put our feet in it. It was cold, but felt so good! Cale had a huge smile on his face!

Even though we were out and had a good time, Cale was still sad all day. We still haven't started him on any kind of meds, because we want to see how moving is going to help. I'm also praying that he would be able to cling to his joy in the Lord.

I've also been praying that Cale would come back to having his own relationship with the Lord. He's at a hard place with what he's understanding and able to express. What he's dealing with right now with all of his anger and sadness, is so hard, but he (so far) on his own, hasn't come to a place that he is initiating on his own anything except wanting home. I want him to be able to call out to the Lord with out me having to be there and to help start the prayer. I want him to experience Christ again for himself and not just through me. Tonight, before leaving, we prayed and like most nights, I ask what are three things we should pray for. Cale was silent for a little bit and then said, "That we would know God more." What?! Yes! Thank you Lord!! Wow! I added that we should pray for our last week here and that we would get to see amazing miracles and that the time would not be wasted. I raised my face to see Cale and then asked what else. I'm not even joking, Cale said, "To feel God's presence here." My heart is so full, it's spilling over. There aren't even enough words to describe how much those words coming from him warmed every part of my being. I'm praising God for His grace and love. I'm praising Him for carrying us everyday and for being on our side; He's rooting for us!

A couple funny/sweet things from Cale over the last couple days:

Thursday night, Cale was getting a massage and we were joking about baby names. Paul said a couple and I said a couple, but none of them I actually would choose. We asked Cale what name he thought would be good if we had a baby, Cale said, "Larling Darling!" Hahaha! All three of us laughed so hard! It was so much fun! :)

Cale walked out of the bathroom the other night with his walker, laughing. I asked what was so funny, and Cale replied, "Am I doing this correctly?" He could hardly say the words because he was laughing so much! It ended up being that he was using his walker and forgot to take the breaks off, so he was pushing it the wrong way. I thought it was hilarious that he used the word "correctly" like that! Heehee!

Tonight, the lights were off and we were just cuddling. It was silent, so I thought Cale was falling asleep. It wasn't too long of a time, and Cale broke the silence, "Kathleen Elizabeth" K: "Yes?" C: "I love you." Oh goodness...heart= melted.

This afternoon, a nurse walked by and said, "Hi Caleb!" and then looked at me and said, "Hi!" I leaned down to Cale and said, "Why did you get a Hi Caleb and I just got a Hi? Cale said, "I'm cool." Haha! Yes Cale, you are cool! ;)

Yay for Cale... walking in the sand, walking without aid to the restaurant and even better, asking for "more God"!!! How great is that?! You're probably already doing this because you're awesome, but maybe to help Cale seek God at different times, seek God right when there's an issue going on. Maybe he just needs to see that he can talk to God right in the midst of a trial (or as quickly as things have settled, anyway).Well, less than 2 weeks and counting! We can't wait to get over there and see you guys!!! It's our hope that we can get you guys out of the hospital for a bit too, to see and experience a little normalcy (if that's what you'd call Seattle). God bless you both... and that larger bed will be coming! (PS When's your anniversary?)Terri W

I know I haven't been posting much but I wanted you to know that you are always in my thoughts and in our prayers every day. I love you both and we are so happy for the next step in your journey towards bringing Caleb home. We pray for Cale to have a more personal relationship (uninitiated ) with our Lord and sadness to just vanish from him like all the other miracles we have seen in him and that your anniversary will be the best yet. You give all of us such hope Kathleen. We pray that we are just in some way an encouragement to you. In love and friendship,Charlie and Jean Benson

Terri, I have been trying to tackle the situation right away and pray with him. It's not always the case because of whatever is going on and the situation, but I have been trying! I can't wait to see you guys either! So soon!! :) Also, our anniversary is March 17th. Yikes! It'll be 6 years which is...crazy! Heehee! Jean, I always know you're praying!