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How do you identify? And can you explain why?

Hello all,

We are a very diverse group of individuals with varying motivations. I hope we can discuss this without it devolving into a firestorm, my question and hopes for cordial answers is how do you identify and can you explain why you feel that way?

I identify as a woman and FOR ME this explains my why. I was 40 years old when the pieces fell into place and I realized that indeed I am a woman and have always been. I told myself for years that women wouldn't do the things I do and therefore I couldn't be a woman I just had this issue I had to deal with. Then I realized that women do all the things that I do and they do them well. My mother was my role model and the strongest person I have ever known, living up to her character and strength of person is a goal I would be proud of.

I know we have beaten around this bush in several threads but nothing attacked it directly. My curiosity is peaked and I genuinely would like to understand different positions on this. Maybe we can gain a greater understanding of our differences and similarities by discussing this and being honest with each other and ourselves.

Hi Kimberly Jean! for me, I never thought of myself as a woman. Or being in the wrong body etc. I am male.
But.... on the inside, I can definitely put myself as somewhere in the middle. I don't feel I'm one or the other, but more a little of both. Some days I'm more male, some not so much. I see it as constantly moving, like a seesaw or the waves of an ocean. Sometimes it's difficult to keep up, and I do struggle with it from time to time.

I hope the weather is nice in Mississippi this time of year. We're having a pleasant few days in the Low Country of SC with mild temperatures and "low" humidity. I used to work in the Middle East and in the worst parts of the summer I often thought that it was hotter "at home" than there.

I am a transvestite. I am a man who likes to wear woman's clothing and dress fully as a woman. However; I've always known I was a man and don't have any doubts or reservations about that. I knew this as a little boy, just like I knew I wasn't going into the Church either. (Despite my mother's wishes)

Can I give you a list of several concrete reasons or facts about why I know I'm a man. Nope.

Born Male but always felt a bit different. I do feel there is a woman inside fighting to get out. And over the years I've let this side become more overt and public. Would I transition? Probably not but if i could make some changes to present better I would never say never.

A simple way to put it for me is "I am not a girl but I like girly things". I identify as non-binary, and love to just be me, and that includes things that are male and/or female, why be limited to one set of options?

Kimberly,
I understand your hesitation , it's a fair enough question but often turns into a heated debate over labels .

It's unfair to say you start as a crossdresser as if it's something menial but in fact the majority of us started out as CDers . The act of dressing opens our minds and the doors to hopefully find ourselves, then we have the tricky one of defining oursleves . We have to be careful we do it for oursleves and not what someone else thinks we are , that's when counselling can lend a helping hand .

I look back and see it as a stage we need to go through , we need to identify ourselves to find our own acceptance and that of others , without an identity we can't move forward .
Personally the umbrella term transgender covers it for me , it gives me the space to move freely across the spectrum . I feel I've moved into a situation where I don't need to define myself , going out full time doesn't need explaining it's visibly obvious . I'm dressed as a woman , if some think I am one that's great , the ones that don't I can live with as long as they aren't abusive or rude which they aren't . They don't know what anatomy is real and what isn't , I don't need to tell them and so far no one has asked , so how do I indentify ? I just use my name .

I identify as just Me.
This has always been a journey through my life and I haven't reached the final destination so I can't say what the name of that station is.
It began at Curiosity, visited Fascination, spent some time at Sexual Gratification, stayed for years at Ima Crossdresser, continued on to Isit More and now we're refueling at Crossroads.

I see many tracks before me, but still don't know where this train will go. Time will tell ...

I kind of wanted to be a girl as a teenager 50 years ago. However, I identify as a male since that's primarily what I am biologically. Love to dress up fully once in a while but still don't identify as a female. This whole "identify as" thing is new to me. Guess I'll have to use the men's room when going out. YMMV

"You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

I know for me I feel as if Iím like the native Americans say a two Spirt person Iíve got both male and female parts with the
female being the dominate. Itís taken time to understand and accept this and still I struggle but I go forward

Thanks for the replies, I knew we were a diverse crowd. There are a hundred threads about defining others or terms and I was left thinking about where the heck do I fit in. We all on some level want to belong. I thought it was time we defined ourselves!

Linda, the weather is getting hot and humid. That big storm sucked a lot of the humidity out of the area but it is back now with a vengeance. And the duck and cover is because the forum has been a little hostile lately.

I identify mostly as a guy. I like doing guy things. That's not to say a woman couldn't do anything I can do. They can, they do and they do it better. Anyway, I am physically a man and want to stay that way. Mentally an emotionally I would have to say a little of both, male and female. I get along better with women than men. When it comes to clothes, I really could care less about how I look in guy mode. The clothes are boring and dull. Women's clothes on the other hand are quite the opposite. The fabrics, the way they feel, the choices, the colors ... the possibilities are endless. If I had a choice, I would prefer to dress in female clothes.

Realize that I am still a newbie and might feel differently in time. I hope this answers your question.

THis is an interesting question that my therapist and I have discussed many times. The why is a tough answer as well. I was born a male and in general present as a male. However I most of the times identify neither male or female. I just do life. There are activities or hobbies I do that are dominated by males and I enjoy these with much pleasure. There are times when I identlfy very female and in many ways.

I want to be clear that most everything I do and like to do can be done by either female or male, I just choose to do them while presenting as a male Most of the time.

I identify as male, but due to how I grew up, always have this feeling in my head that I'm supposed to be wearing female clothing, and that I'm supposed to behave as a girl. All brought about by being told as a kid, that god had made a mistake, and that I was really supposed to be a girl. Not being old enough to challenge this information, I believed it, and thought that god would eventually fix me, so I very clandestinely watched my sister, her friends, and my female classmates to try to learn how to be a girl without any of them catching on to what was wrong with me (boys were never supposed to be anything like girls back then, it was just considered to be the worst possible thing a little boy could be!). So I grew up believing that I would probably become a real girl and grow breasts when I got old enough just like real girls did. Having a ready supply of girl clothes (as my mom saved all my elder sister's old clothes in our attic), with both parents working every day I had plenty of time to dress up as a girl on my own, as well as when my molester dressed me in his sister's clothing for his own purposes.
It seems that certain things in our personalities become permanent at some point during our development, and as time went on, it appeared that I would be stuck with this. The feeling that I was supposed to be a girl, never went away. Although it may seem similar to what transsexuals feel, until I was told that I was supposed to be a girl, I had never felt that way. I see the world the way men do, I communicate the way that men do, my hobbies and pastimes are stereotypical male, I have no nesting behaviors, and no particular interest in babies or children. I'm quite content to spend oh, 99% of my time solitary, and no need to talk a great deal. I don't spend any time trying to re-interpret other people's behavior, or wonder 'what they really mean' when they say things. In short, direct speech patterns rather than female indirect speech patterns. So I guess I'm a genuine male, stuck with some underlying female desires.

So I guess I just identify as a very messed up, damaged male, because women don't seem to want anything to do with men romantically when they find out we're not 'all male' masculine men.

Women want masculine men. Bi women seem to want feminine women, and/or masculine men. Gay women seem to want only genetic, 'real' women, not MtF TS women. While there are men out there that like feminine men, there don't seem to be a whole lot of women who want feminine men...or for that matter, men who want masculine women. So there're probably not many women out there for me. Oh well. Neil Diamond wrote my tale:

Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

This is a fair question considering the diverse group that congregates here.
I'm see myself as a guy who likes certain feminine articles of clothing. There was a time in the early years where it was mostly about sexual gratification, but that has changed a lot as time has gone by. I guess I'm a kind of lazy CD'er, I wear what I like and make almost attempt to go beyond what I enjoy wearing. To sum it up, I like nylon lingerie, skirts and hosiery, I would be quite happy to wear those items most days. There is the odd occasion where the desire goes deeper, but not enough to go to the work of doing anything about it. My wife accepts this side of me, so I am able to do as I choose around the house, which makes life easy for me.

I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!

I fall into the two spirit club somewhat.
Genetically male but it ends there because inside and how I think and feel is female.
When I interact with people I get called ma'am a lot and I guess thats how they see me so I am good with that.

I am fully and completely a guy, except for the fact that I love women's clothes, putting on makeup, and generally passing as a woman. I am somewhere on the continuum of gender identity, but don't really know where. I would not want to be female full time, as there is too much baggage there. My preference would be to just drift in and out of male and female modes with no social barriers to doing so. Right now, I am typing on my laptop wearing black slacks, block socks, a sleeveless black-background flowered top and a 3/4 sleeve coverup (I removed makeup and jewelry an hour ago). I'll soon be back in jeans and t-shirt to mow the lawn. I have no clue why I am what I am.

I identify as a man and present myself as such the majority of the time, but there is that part of me that really enjoys dressing up and looking girly. So I guess I would identify myself in that sense as a crossdresser. I just enjoy being me and I think that if I want to enjoy things that are female, then why not.

I honestly don't know right now. Somewhere in Non binary territory. Bigender Genderfluid genderqueer transfeminine. Most of my dysphoria is social in nature and dressing and wearing makeup helps with that. I want to be regarded and accepted as a woman socially and I will probably live as one full time socially but I'm not sure about hormones and surgery. I definitely identify far more closely to the feminine end of the scale but I just can't bring myself to fully and consistently come out and say I'm a woman and I need to make physical changes to my body to match that. (But there are times when I absolutely feel that way especially when it comes to HRT and possibly BA and FFS). I know that I have a strong feminine side and that it is dominant over my masculine side almost like there is a woman in me trying to get out as Nikki A mentioned. I exhibit a lot of feminine thought patterns and some of my speech patterns are as well. I'm more confident happier and more complete now than I've ever been and I owe it all to letting Brianna out. If I had been her from the beginning of my life I think I would have been a lot happier throughout life. I guess I would answer this question as TBD because it is for me and a qualified therapist to sort out when I start going at the end of the month. I need it so badly. Not knowing exactly who I am is getting very difficult for me.

Outside of this forum I am a female, but sometimes when I come to this forum I'm made to feel like a man. I won't flog a dead horse, but old posters know what I mean.

I don't do male or female things, I just do things that anyone on earth does.

I don't give much thought about my gender, I think more of being a goth than I do about gender. Gender is just what I am, I didn't choose my gender. Being a goth is my choice so I think about it more and my life revolves around being goth more than it does my gender.

ďEveryone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.Ē
― Mark Twain

I Identify as a MALE. The CD thing started out for me as a kid as a kind of fetish/masochist based erotica and soon I realized it was a form of "escaping" or "Taking a vacation from MYSELF"-----effectively becoming an entirely different person with no connection with the concerns or worries of my "Male Life"---or even "manhood" itself. I could COMPLETELY "unwind and Relax" and enter a state of pure bliss---if even only for a few hours at a time.----There is still an erotic element and it is also a LOT of fun simply "Looking pretty".

On the surface, looking at the posts, I might seem to be the odd exception to the rule, but there are a LOT of guys out there that are like me---We just are not as "vocal" or inclined to write as much as those who have more "complex" identity issues.

The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs. We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.