We went to Red Lobster's $21.99 Endless Shrimp to see if it's really unlimited

One year ago, we dreamed the impossible dream: endless shrimp, for $21.99. For seven and a half hours at Red Lobster, we gorged ourselves on the pink "candy of the sea" in a variety of preparations. It was a saga of mythological proportion and effort — one wonders if the Argonauts could handle such a task.

And yet, the shrimpy sirens' call rang in our ears again as Red Lobster's annual promotion began anew.

Last year, we left an innocent world thinking we would happily munch on crustaceans for a couple of hours; instead, we entered a murky, briny alternate existence where the shrimp never stops. Three-hundred and five shrimp later, we wearily emerged from Red Lobster on that fated September night in 2016 into the blinking lights of Times Square.

When we returned this year, we had a sneaking suspicion that we never truly escaped the madness that is shrimp eternal. Come with us on this harrowing tale of shrimp and sacrifice: Red Lobster's Endless Shrimp, 2017.

We arrived at the Times Square Red Lobster on September 12, 2017.

We knew what we had to do: breakfast, lunch, and dinner, all shrimp. We'd done it before, last September — a time that now seemed both centuries away and all too near.

Our goals were set. Last year, Hollis ate 162 shrimp, while Kate downed 143. This year, we were fighting against ourselves, with Hollis hoping to reach 175 and Kate determined to reach 150 — or die trying.

2/

Red Lobster's interior remained unchanged; a time capsule to the not-so-distant past.

Hollis Johnson

We were seated at the same booth as the year prior at 11:25 a.m. — as we slid across the maroon vinyl, it felt as though we had never left. These seats would be our safe harbor for the next seven hours, but had they been our prison for the last 12 months?

Had we, in fact, imagined the last year and all of its bizarre twists and turns in a shrimp-induced hallucination?

Even the soundtrack remained the same: a Mumford & Sons track played like a broken record in an empty casual seafood dining restaurant, echoing off the dark-stained wood.

3/

A shrimp delirium would explain what happened next.

Hollis Johnson

We had told Red Lobster that we had planned to return for this "Shrimpsgiving," so it is likely they who sent "Clawd" to greet us.

Still, a grown man in a lobster suit did remarkably little to reassure us that we had not fallen into a gap in the space-time continuum.

Clawd, in his unsettling generosity, came bearing gifts — most notable of which was an official shrimp scoreboard to help us keep track of our progress.

The lobsterous beast left as soon as he arrived, raising many questions yet answering none. Had our eyes deceived us in the dark, windowless restaurant?

Et tu, Clawd?

4/

We came with a game plan, yet unease still rankled in our hearts.

Hollis Johnson

One year had passed — or so we're told. In some ways, it would make sense if we were still in this Red Lobster on the fateful night of September 15, 2016.

America has been plunged into pitch darkness with a total solar eclipse. Young festival goers found themselves cosplaying a decidedly trendy version of "Lord of the Flies" instead of listening to Blink-182 perform. The White House communications director — called "The Mooch", of all things — told the New Yorker that he wasn't "trying to suck [my] own c--k", which the storied publication dutifully reported.

Maybe it would be easier to believe that it was all just a twisted dream, and that when we finally stepped out the door, the sun would be rising on the peaceful morning of September 16, 2016.

5/

Dream or not, we knew what we had to accomplish.

Hollis Johnson

Our waiter — the same waiter as a year before, our dear, intrepid Jonathan — was there with menus in hand and the familiar shrimp spiel on his tongue.

The Endless Shrimp deal includes five types of shrimp on the menu: shrimp linguine, hand-breaded shrimp, garlic shrimp scampi — the classics — and two newcomers, Nashville Hot shrimp and Mediterranean grilled shrimp.

As is Shrimpsgiving tradition, Jonathan started the meal with a forbidden fruit.

Hollis Johnson

Red Lobster's Cheddar Bay biscuits are delicious and intoxicatingly tempting — and to seasoned Endless Shrimpers, to eat these buttery biscuits are to eat from the Tree of Knowledge and be banished from the Garden of Eden. Or the Garden of Shrimp, at any rate.

The carby goodness would fill up any diner and leave little room for shrimp — and shrimp is what we came for.

7/

Instead of biscuits, we opt for a simple salad.

Hollis Johnson

The green roughage prepares the stomach for the shrimp-filled feats that lay ahead. We both choose the garden salad over the Caesar, because we all know what happened to that guy. Also, the iceberg-laden garden salad with a side of vinaigrette is light on calories and light in the stomach.

Another shrimp tip: stay hydrated, unless you want a salty shrimpy hangover. Stick with water and you won't be left high and dry.

8/

Finally, the shrimp were upon us.

Hollis Johnson

Kate's thousand-shrimp stare says it all. There was no turning back.

Shrimp count: 0

9/

We started with a new shrimp on the block: the Mediterranean grilled.

Hollis Johnson

Upon first bite, it all came back: the reason for the season. Shrimp.

Sweet, buttery, briny, bountiful shrimp. The Mediterranean grilled shrimp is a welcome addition to the menu, as more simple grilled variation with a buttery garlic butter dressing and accompanied with grilled tomatoes and chives. It's light, with a slight hint of lemon to the white wine sauce, and for those aiming for a high shrimp count, it's a nice alternative to the more heavy fried options.

10/

Another newcomer: Cape Cod Kettle Chip-Crusted Shrimp.

Hollis Johnson

This tongue-twister of a secret menu item is good, but with a caveat. The crunch of the chip breading shines through — each bite actually tastes like Cape Cod chips. However, heavy is the shrimp that wears the Cape Cod Kettle Chip Crusted crown. These golden morsels will wipe you out of you have more than a dozen, and we're aiming for much more than that.

11/

Hollis started off with an old classic, as well as a new friend.

Hollis Johnson

Alongside the Cape Cod Kettle Chip shrimp, Jonathan brought two scampi, in all their buttery glory. Last year we embraced the light and simple dish, and learned to stop worrying and love the scampi. It's just as good as when we last encountered it, whenever that may have been.

12/

With the first round under our belts, we were off to a solid start.

Hollis Johnson

Despite our apprehensions, we had somewhat regained our footing mentally. The taste of shrimp was as alive as it ever was in our minds and hearts, as though we were Ulysses returning to the hallowed halls of Ithaca.

Shrimp count: 34

13/

We toasted to the shrimpy bounty before us.

Hollis Johnson

Our strategy had never been more clear: avoid breading when possible. Despite how delicious the Cape Cod Kettle Chip shrimp is, we had to lay off those briny beauties after our first dish. Instead, we feasted upon many plates of scampi, Mediterranean grilled shrimp, and the classic grilled shrimp from the secret menu.

Other dishes we avoided: the equally dangerous panko-crusted shrimp, the classic fried shrimp, and of course the infamous shrimp linguine — that sauce-laden murder which has ended many a bright-eyed Endless Shrimper's dreams.

We were not going to make such an amateur mistake. Not this time.

Shrimp count: 46

14/

While our stomachs were sound, our minds were haunted by questions.

Hollis Johnson

Why are we here? What are we doing? Did we ever truly leave Red Lobster?

It was clear: Shrimp Madness had struck. While other people dined in un-assailed peace, we found ourselves contemplating the very nature of the universe. Was time simply an elastic band, stretched tightly across the clenched claw of some atavistic lobster god watching over us all? Which Kardashians read Harry Potter? And what's the deal with Papa Roach?

Endless Shrimp weighs upon the fabric of time, with participants spiraling downwards into a bottomless pit of nothingness and shrimp, bound by the sheer will to survive this maddening promotion.

Shrimp count: 100

15/

Nevertheless, we persisted.

Hollis Johnson

We found ourselves leaning heavily on the Mediterranean grilled shrimp. This new menu addition seems perfectly calibrated for the needs of Endless Shrimpers. It's light and fresh, but stands strong in the battle against flavor fatigue — one of the greatest foes of any dedicated shrimp marathoner.

16/

The other new shrimp item, however, was less suited for the occasion.

Hollis Johnson

The Nashville Hot shrimp attempts to tap into the hip factor of a trendy regional dish: Nashville Hot, a beloved and storied chicken style in Nashville, Tennessee. KFC recently added their take on the flavor to their menu with much success, which might explain Red Lobster's incongruous embrace of the flavor.

While Nashville Hot — a cayenne pepper infused mix of spicy and sweet seasonings — works beautifully with chicken, it's not a natural pairing for shrimp. It overwhelms the delicate shrimp with overt spice and thick breading. The flavor is fine, but it's meant for chicken — and during an Endless Shrimpscapade, it just weighs you down.

17/

As we neared 100 shrimp individually, our stomachs began to recognize what we were doing to them.

Hollis Johnson

"I've feel like I've eaten... some shrimp," Kate said.

But on we go.

If we were paying by the shrimp, we'd probably be full around 100 shrimp between us. Were we casually in this for the fun of it all, perhaps we'd top out at 200. But we were here to win, and that meant 325 shrimp needed to be eaten. The very aspect of the challenge forced us onward — we had our dignities to protect.

Shrimp count: 172

18/

Our perseverance led to us a shining beacon on the endless sea: coconut shrimp.

Hollis Johnson

We had decided early on to hold back on ordering perhaps the best shrimp dish in Red Lobster's arsenal until we hit 100 shrimp each. And at last, the time for coconut shrimp had come.

As the shrimp sweats swept the booth, we needed a distinct flavor and a tiny shrimp, and coconut shrimp delivers on both fronts. The little coconut-breaded gems are sweet without being cloying, and come with a piña colada sauce that brings one instantly to the sandy shores of Puerto Rico.

Around this time, we started ordering popcorn shrimp — the flavor isn't as distinct, but these small and mighty shrimp morsels are easy to eat and help our numbers.

Shrimp count: 209

19/

As Mumford & Sons played (again), it was time to look inward.

Hollis Johnson

This year, we were not afraid. We knew our goals were attainable. The only question was: Why?

Endless Shrimp is an incredibly popular promotion, but it's undeniable that casually eating a normal shrimp dinner is much more comfortable than gulping down over 300 shrimp in a sitting. So why do we do it?

At first, we though that this meal might have been a shrimp-induced hallucination. By the end, we realized: No, we were in control of our own destiny. There was no fate, merely our own will to conquer. We enjoyed the struggle, in as much that Sisyphus enjoys his eternal task up the mountain.

To paraphrase Camus, the struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Endless Shrimpers happy.

Shrimp count: 258

20/

And to complete that absurdly rewarding task, we had to ignore any and all distractions.

Hollis Johnson

That includes not only Red Lobster's alluring biscuits, but also the sides that accompany the deal. We allowed ourselves one small nibble of the seemingly tasty caprese salad, a new offering on the menu.

But we knew we must stay loyal to shrimp if we wanted to reach the summit of our quest. And so we roll our boulder on, up the slopes.

Shrimp count: 297

21/

Under the salty fog of Shrimp Madness, we crossed the threshold of 300 shrimp and marched on towards our ultimate goal.

Hollis Johnson

We passed last year's heights with little fanfare; we had only the magic number of 325 shrimp in our sights.

We picked our poison with care and thought — Hollis would pass his goal one shrimp into the next plate of scampi, and Kate would power through a grove of coconut shrimp to reach her objective.

Shrimp count: 319

22/

Finally, we reached the promised shrimp.

Hollis Johnson

Hollis flipped his scoreboard with pride and solemnity to his personal goal: 175 shrimp. And with that, he could not eat any more.

At the end, it seemed a mental game more than anything — had the goal been higher, perhaps more shrimp could've been eaten. But once the threshold was crossed, the satisfaction alone curbed both appetite and ambition. The boulder had been pushed to the top, and now it must be pushed back up again next year — Camus left Sisyphus at the foot of the mountain, having found that one always confronts one's burden again.

23/

Kate, too, found an inner peace upon reaching her goal.

Hollis Johnson

This Endless Shrimp was no fever dream, but a demonstration of will. As enormous quantities of shrimp eaten in a windowless, timeless vacuum are wont to do, the experience left Kate feeling frenzied. It is both an out-of-body experience and the sensation of having one's body rebelling against what has been asked of it.

All in all, a top-notch Shrimpsgiving.

24/

Endless Shrimp is a celebration like no other.

Hollis Johnson

It is a test of the mind and body; it makes you question the very reality in which you sit. Yet, as we walked out and found the sun still shining over Times Square at 6:30 pm, a small sliver of us did believe that had we picked up a newspaper, it would read: September 15, 2016.

But it was not to be.

The past year was just that: the past. Whether or not it was some shrimpy specter, some Red Lobster reverie, it was behind us now.