Letters I'll Never Send

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You’ll never read this, and that’s OK but there are some things I need to day to you. I love you still. I’m not ready to be without you. I’m not myself anymore, I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m not that girl you fell in love with, the happy, smiling, joking, always talking girl. I don’t smile, I can’t even fake a smile at work where my tip depends on that. I can’t remember the last time I had a real smile on my face, or the last time I laughed, or the last time I felt happy. I miss you. And I know you’re doing fine because you’re busy and with your friends and I’m just stuck here broken. I guess it would make me feel a little better if I knew you were hurting, too.

I thought we would be together for a while, I mean, I was your dream girl, right? Remember all the things you said? I know we’re supposed to be together, it’s in our kiss, it’s incredible and magical, the kind of kiss that changes everything and makes people believe in love. I wish I could believe in love, but I can’t. How can you tell me that I was the love of your life and then just walk away from me like I was nothing to you? I hate this. I cry myself to sleep every night. And I try not to text you but I need to talk to you, I can’t be without you. I know we fought and bickered but I’d take that any day over this. I hope you come back to me someday soon, because we’re supposed to be together, I know we are. You never believed me when i told you I love you, I don’t know why. I did everything I could to be a good girlfriend, I wrote you love letters that were never returned, I got you little surprises and tried to be as understanding as I could. I guess my best just wasn’t good enough? I’d give anything to have you back, douche.