Feeling as shallow as a pond. Very much into glam & aesthetic beauty at the moment, but not feeling or being in the moment. Feeling like things are boxed in, labelled and cannot defy their nature. Eg - Russell Brand is and can only ever be a Rusell Brand
ie - if he ever shaves his face... Read More

Jules and i met sometime last year in Hyde Park where we shared cheap wine and talked about (an old) Bob Dylan. Not exactly the most civil way of meeting someone (do bars count?) but for some reason weve been best friends ever since. Rewinding a couple of months prior... Read More

So what happens after the happily ever after? Or more specifically the moment it begins. Most stories are based on two things, Girls and Conflict. I have this theory that every song ever written, every picture ever taken, every film ever filmed, every artwork ever drawn, or painted was in a... Read More

A relationship should be about two unique individual people sharing their lives with one another, not two people living the one, same life Audrey

Im someone who grew up with this notion handed to me by books, films & pop songs, that Love was the highest ideal one could aim for, that it was, in fact, all you need. Forget PhDs, University degrees... Read More

Throughout history people with bad haircuts have made bad decisions, Hitler, Napoleon, Nixon, Trump etc. Why? They were too consumed by vanity to focus on doing the right thing. As a life-long representative and wearer of bad haircuts, I have lost, in total, months off of my life due to countless individual moments of Mirror-Checking, Finger-Tined-Combing, Tussling, & playing a game I like to call How many different Materials can I see my own reflection in? (For the record its 19.5) When I finally get it to a length Im happy with, one that allows versatility for different styles etc, I get possessed by a demon called Mr Snips. Never, ever leave a person with slight OCD alone with a pair of.well anything really. My mother has found me many times in situations even more awkward than the usual being-caught-with-pants-down scenario one would expect. Eg The Purple Eyebrows Incident (See previous entries), but she has always been understanding of my obsessive vanity, in fact she may have been the one to instil It in me.
The irony of all this, of course, is that had I just left it alone, I would have eventually achieved the aesthetic goal I had set out for. But when Mr Snips takes hold he doesnt let go easily. Powered by the thousands of individual evil hair strands, like some kind of secular Ashi Magari like Head Tentacles obeying Snips every whim; it starts off as a... Read More

Over the years I have built up this Ideal. A checklist of features that have inevitably turned me into a picky pretentious asshole, but with good intentions. Like Weird Science, I wish i could take Tina Feys chin & glasses, Zooey Deschanels smile, Sara Silvermans mannerisms & Penelope Cruzs.everything, and turn them into some kind of super girl. Those features have become less important in their practicality eg those people that are strictly a boobs or butt man, and more about a feeling thats invoked in my heart by the mathematics of angles, and more overly the colour palette and contrast. As it stands you could probably personify my lust into the form of #RGBYYY00021.

But Im always afraid in this hypothetical daydream that turns into a nightmare; that the Frankenstienian hot girl will turn against its maker. You cant make something... Read More

You know that moment when the checkout girl asks How are you? with that practised, hollow, melodic inflection & tone, looking up at you from their station with a labored soulless smile? I see through the aesthetic delusion, to the evident sadness that lies within their corneas, the timing of the rise & fall of the smile. But as the smile rises, there comes a moment of mathematic possibility in the way the corners of their mouths meet their cheekbones, and for a split second an entire world of individual personality is brought to life. I try to keep this window of a smile open, by encouraging it with my own genuine smile.

For the record, Im a pretty smiley kind of guy, and its usually my first instinct to smirk at anyone or anything either out of politeness or awkwardness. Obviously this was not received well when my ex told me her cat had died; she started to believe I was some kind of sick, sadistic bastard. But I just have no idea how to handle situations like that.

Anyway, cut back to Sarah, the Woolworths girl & myself, in a hot, sticky, long line of irritated waiting customers in the Summer of 2003. She had thrown this question at me through slightly crooked, adorable teeth, and the raising of eyebrows upon a slightly sweaty forehead. Maybe it was the pleasant warmth of the afternoon, the fact I had just graduated, or the fact I just found her incredibly cute; saying good just feltwrong. Plus Ive... Read More