Why Obama Should Veto Anything from the SuperCommittee

Remember the other day when we warned you about Jeb Hensarling, leading House Republican on the SuperCommittee, which, in case I've neglected to mention it, both Newt Gingrich and I think is a dumb idea. And it isn't getting any further today. This makes it perfect for Hensarling, who's never been the sharpest 'ho in the shed. Josh's place caught him on CNBC last night, stupidly giving the entire game away:

No tax increases of any kind, because Arthur Laffer's cocktail napkin, which has much in common with the Magic 8-Ball, especially as regards predicting economic developments, says, "My reply is no."

Well, then, stalemate, right? So the dreaded "triggers" kick in. Sorry, U.S. Navy, you won't be getting that new carrier group any time soon. This is where our boy Jeb really, really brings the stupid, and doesn't care who knows it....

In a moment of candor, Hensarling said Republicans would fight to make sure they never have to harm their own interests. If they refuse to raise taxes and the committee fails then they'll also focus their efforts on changing the enforcement mechanism — put in place to force both parties to compromise — to make sure that the part they don't like gets changed before it kicks in in January 2013. "Frankly, half of [the automatic cuts] is aimed at national security," Hensarling added. "Leon Panetta, our Secretary of Defense says that will hollow out our defense. So number one I would be committed to keeping the $1.2 [trillion in automatic cuts]. We've got 13 months to find a smarter way to do it."

So here's what the president of the United States should say this afternoon, right after he tells his Secretary of Defense to shut his fking piehole:

"Okay, I went along with this charade, even though both Gingrich and Pierce think it was a colossally stupid idea, because, what the hell, I thought maybe I'd get some points for looking like I was trying to govern a nation, and not win best-in-show at the next Heritage Foundation Bean Salad Supper. I also decided to treat the Republicans like they were serious partners in governing the country because my mom taught me to think only the best of people. But now, alas, the SuperCommittee has revealed itself to be an empty farce, and the Republicans have revealed themselves to be the supply-side equivalents of the chicken who plays tic-tac-toe. So, to hell with the whole thing. I am so out of here. I'm not signing whatever crock of beans comes bubbling out of this thing. I am vetoing the hell out of it, and then I'm going to knock it around Congressional for the afternoon. And then, tomorrow, I am going to send them a reply based on my administration's new economic philosophy: Fk The Deficit. People Got No Jobs. People Got No Money. Then I'm getting away from all of these losers and pitching a tent in Zuccotti Park. Jesus, these people..."

Nobody, alas, ever takes my advice.

Charles P. PierceCharles P Pierce is the author of four books, mostly recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

A Part of Hearst Digital Media
Esquire participates in various affiliate marketing programs, which means we may get paid commissions on editorially chosen products purchased through our links to retailer sites.