Bitch-Back! Robsten's Brazilian Honeymoon: Too Hot for Twi-Hards!

Dear Ted: After seeing the beautiful pictures of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart filming the honeymoon scenes for Breaking Dawn in Rio, it's hard to imagine that it is just acting. Their chemistry is amazing. They actually looked like a married couple. Is it possible that the reason they were positively glowing was because the honeymoon scenes were something they had done before? And what about Kristen's mysterious diet for Breaking Dawn? Could she and Rob be hiding a big secret?—Cmitc

Dear Honey-moaner: Slow your roll, honey, you might just get mooned? Let's be real, even the most non-PDA of couples can turn on the heat when the director calls action--especially since Bill Condon is having Kristen take almostall of it off for the flick! We're oh-so-sure R.Pattz isn't complaining about the directing decisions, just like the anxious Twi-hards waiting on Edward and Bella's sexy time! Oh, and if this big secret you speak of is a baby bump, you must mean Bella's bump, not Kristen's, right?

Dear Ted: My question is about the star of B.V.s everywhere, Toothy Tile. Back in May, you confirmed that Toothy and Grey Goose were still an item, but have since hinted that things have cooled off considerably. Are they still seeing each other sometimes, or has there been an actual breakup?—Gabrielle

Dear Ted:I love Katy Perry and Russell Brand together, although initially I feared that Russell's sex-addicted past and Katy's mildly wild ways would hinder the relationship. So, do you think they've changed their ways and will last? I surely hope so.—Nic

Dear Not-So-Wishful Sinking:Not going to lie, the nuptials seemed a little too surreal, but totally true. Love, sex, rock n' roll, who cares as long as they're doin' it together, right? Plus, the newlyweds looked super lovable at the 2010 MTV Europe Music Awards in Madrid Sunday. They're glowing and we don't think this sexy ship will be sinking any time soon. At least not before Christmas.

Dear Ted:I saw a question where someone one was really pissed that you had "outed" Lea Michele in one of your Blind Vices. They commented on how it was so easy to guess but in the end they were wrong. If anyone guesses right on one of your B.V.s, would you tell them? P.S. My adorable lab Casanova and I really want this answered.—Jazzy Jess

Dear Oodles of Vice:Just because your main man, Casanova, wants the answer, and I bet he's supes adorable like you say, I'll fill you both in: If you guess right, man or dog (unless you're a man who's a dog), I'll make sure you know you've got the right Vicey perp, if I'm legally at liberty to do so—I mean, it's only friggin' fair!

Dear Ted:Would you please finally "And It Ain't" Jake Gyllenhaal as Toothy Tile? I get so sick of these people running around being so certain he's T.T. Can you shut them up once and for all and sic them all on a new suspect?—Wouldn'tCareifHeWasJustSickofKnow-it-all-Jerks

Dear And It Ain't:It doesn't really matter what you care or think because according to Jake, it ain't him.

Dear Ted: Is Zach Galifianakis as big of a misogynistic a-hole in real life as he seems in interviews and YouTube clips and such?—Lauren

Dear Allen For A-hole:Zach's a stand-up...comedian. We love him for his hilarious antics and think maybe just maybe you people are taking him a little too seriously.

Dear Ted:Just saw the pictures of K.Stew and R.Pattz filming in Brazil, and wow! What is it about these two young lovely people that makes you believe in love again, no matter how unconventional their relationship may be? Obviously, love is love, no matter how you define it, when you love and show respect to your partner, no matter the gender; it flutters the heart and warms the soul. These two together make you recite poetry. Even an ancient fool like myself believes it!—Rita

Dear Poet Who Knows It:We're all about the love train here at the A.T., but man, are you conducting it! The pics are a dose of onscreen hot, hot loving the offscreen Robsten never flaunt, but we're still anxiously waiting on them to get down to business and take it off. P.S. You're never too ancient to love with flutter, so cut it out!

Dear Ted: Is Strawberry Snort 'Em somewhat of a "double threat" in the Biz?—Ella

Dear The Business:Only if you count that set of twins she's got going for her! Now, that's what we call double-threat is this Business!

Dear Ted: Was just looking at the Robsten in Rio pix...the Isle Esme shoot...and I'm sure I saw Andrew Garfield on set. Is he there? Why? Can't they go anywhere without their posse? And everyone is up in arms about Taylor Lautner going to Rio. Is he there?—Leigh

Dear Take a Cold Shower:Looks like the steam from the recent Robsten pictures are fogging up your eyes, or maybe it's helping you see clearer than the rest of us! We didn't spot the hunky Andrew in any of the pics, and trust, we always have our eyes peeled for that hopefully soon-to-be Spidey! As for Taylor, we'll keep you posted!

Dear Ted: My mutt Oz loves the Six Degrees of Vicers game! My question for him: Does Super Duper Cooper know Probe Light? Have they toured together? Imagine the duels of ego/kink backstage at those shows!—Doc and Oz

Dear Dr. Light It Up:Just barely. Woof woof to Ozzie!

Dear Ted:Wanna help a volunteer fanatic overcome the Monday blues? Really? Thanks! Rank the following according to how emotionally close (like BFFs) the following closeted stars are to their respective current beards, from besties to enemies in it for the PR: Toothy Tile, Seymour Plow-Me-More, Harland Fuss and Jackie Bouffant. Sending some hungover kisses your way!—Hannah

Dear Rhetorical:Jackie the closest, by far. Seymour a distant second, and Toothy and Harland? Don't even ask!

Dear Ted: Is there any truth that Toothy Tile and Grey Goosemay be working on a movie project together.—Rocky Mountain High

Dear Mountains of Wrong:Nope. One half of the once PR love buzz is making cinematic waves, but the other...not so much! One can dream, though. How hot would that be? I wouldn't put it past, Toothy, actually.

Dear Ted:She is closer to my generation than to the age of many of your readers. I am so sorry to hear about Jill Clayburgh's passing. What a secret to keep for all those years! My prayers are with her family and friends. Also, singer Lily Allen may not be on your radar. Her current health situation is quite scary. I hope this crisis passes for her soon. How difficult to have her personal tragedy compounded so badly! Neither subject is what I would consider gossip, no offense meant, but could certainly use some concern thrown their way by everyone who loves actors/actresses and music.—BicoGrace

Dear So Right:Totally second that, hon! Our thoughts are with Jill's family and friends, and Lily has been on our minds since news of her miscarriage broke. But of course, you're not going to get our gossy two cents on these topics because they are far, far from celeb rumors and chit-chat. Both situations are tragedies and our hearts go out to them and their families.

Dear Stinky:Nope, but have you seen the trailer for his new flick Friends With Benefits with Mila Kunis Now that crap needs a popper-scooper, for real!

Dear Ted:Why haven't you gotten your own show? I mean, I can totally picture you on Fashion Police arguing with Joan Rivers: While you think Kristin Stewart is perfection; she thinks Kristin looks constipated. Then you two can argue whether or not the Miley Cyrus look is edgy or slutty. Is there some way of getting you on there?—D0li

Dear Double-Dare Me?Love me some Joan, especially when she's taking it out on the celebs I love, and even better, hate! Take it up with show's producers.