After successfully slogging through the cinematic equivalent of two full days worth of largely low-grade horror, we now turn to the reasons we settled in to screen these beauties in the first place: the covers. Timeless titles, colorful tag lines, enticing artwork… all it takes is the sight of Orson Welles in a cowl, a quick scan of the words Sex, Death, and Rock ‘n’ Roll, or a glimpse of the bright bold lettering of The Brides Wore Blood, and we’re hooked. Sure, the movies don’t always live up to those initial moments of untapped horror potential, but as any horror fan that’s ever gazed upon the unparalleled beauties of a cover for Chopping Mall knows, the cover is often enough by itself.

Turning once again to our trusty database of nearly three hundred VHS antiques, each of us poured over titles, taglines, and cover art, selecting our own top ten in each category. And just to show that we aren’t horror VHS snobs, each of us also chose ten titles, tag lines, and covers that didn’t fit our conception of what it takes to draw the fickle fright fan in—those half-baked marketing messages that just don’t inspire the urge to pop in the tape. And so, for the final day of our month-long tribute to the marvels and miscues of unheralded VHS horror, we thought it appropriate to offer up our opinions, not on the films themselves, but the containers they came in.

Best Title

#1 I Dismember Mama

#2 Nude for Satan

#3 Sssssss

#4 He Kills Night After Night After Night

#5 Killer Workout

#6 The Rats are Coming! The Werewolves are Here!

#7 The Night God Screamed

#8 Gator Bait

#9 Shriek of the Mutilated

#10 The Brides Wore Blood

Worst Title

#1 The Courier of Death

#2 The Last Horror Film

#3 Attack of the Beast Creatures

#4 Ben

#5 Home for the Holidays

#6 The Rats are Coming! The Werewolves are Here!

#7 Deadtime Stories

#8 Sssssss

#9 Killer Workout

#10 The Evil

Best Cover

#1
Bloody Birthday

#2
Chopping Mall

#3
Visiting Hours

#4
April Fool’s Day

#5
Blood Sisters

#6
It’s Alive

#7
Rana: The Legend of Shadow Lake

#8
Die Sister Die!

#9Dr. Frankenstein’s Castle of Freaks

#10
Road Games

Worst Cover

#1
Curse of Bigfoot

#2
Frankenstein ’80

#3
The Bees

#4
Eyes of a Stranger

#5
13 Ghosts

#6
’Gator Bait

#7
The Worm Eaters

#8
Night of the Big Heat

#9
Escape to Witch Mountain

#10
Sudden Terror

Best Tag Line

#1 Is He Father… Mother… Friend… Warlock… Or Insane?The Witching

#2 America’s Abominable Snowman Breeds With Anything!Big Foot

#3 The Kill Machine with the Megaton MindRoboMan

#4 The Postman Always Rings Twice. Terror Only Knocks Once.Don’t Open the Door