Shannon didn't sleep that night. Ms. Swanson's horrified face kept appearing in her mind. Laura was there in front of her when she talked to her. Could they have fought so badly that they disowned themselves from each other? Where did Laura live?Shannon walked into the school and went to the announcement board.Laura sat in the same spot.Shannon walked up and sat down."Hello. Sorry I wasn't at lunch yesterday, I had to retake a test." Laura said with a smile."Are you missing a jacket?" Shannon asked.Laura's smile faded. "What do you mean?""It was in the gym. I decided to take it to your house but your mother or whoever it was said they don't have a daughter anymore."Laura looked away. "We had an awful fight. She started it so it's all her fault. I don't live with her anymore.""Where do you live?" Shannon asked."Here.""How could you live here? The school doesn't let you live here. Did you and your mother have that bad of a..."A bunch of seniors started laughing at them."I didn't know your friend talked to imaginary people." Don Craig said to Sara with his arm around her."Shannon, how could you do this?""I'm invisible to them." Laura said in a sad way.Shannon's heart steamed in anger as she stood up. "Why are you making fun of her? She's a person just like you!""Who the heck are you talking about?"Shannon turned but Laura was gone.She was running down the hallway."Laura wait!" Shannon ran after her and ran down the halls screaming for her to stop.Laura disappeared.Shannon ran into the wall and fell to the floor."Shannon, what were you thinking?!" Sara yelled as she helped her friend up. "first you embarrass me by talking to yourself, then you chase after nobody and then you run into a wall! What is the matter with you?!""What do you mean nobody? I was running after Laura who you guys were making fun of!" Shannon yelled thinking Sara was being selfish."Who are you talking about? There was nobody else there!""Laura Swanson, the girl who I met yesterday. She's new here and...""Laura Swanson? Shannon what are you talking about? Laura Swanson is dead."Shannon blinked as her heart pounded. "W-What do you mean she... I just saw her... she was here..."Laura Swanson has been dead for a year. She killed herself her in the school on Halloween night."

I like the opening of the story here. I like how she is asking questions. My problem with the scene though is that it doesn't specify if she stayed up all night while asking these questions. Or if she is asking them while at school. Some clarification would help.

The conversation between Laura and Shannon could be extended a bit. I think you could have Shannon showing a bit more sympathy. She comes across as a character who emphasizes with others. So here you can play this to a greater effect I also think you could make Laura more distraught over the fight with her mom. This could offer up a greater emotional build up by the time the chapter ends.