Do you think you'll ever come back to this story? It looks promising and I'd like to read more but it looks like you might not continue it. Did you run out of ideas for where it was going? Anyway, cool story-beginning :)

Oh *phew*. Well FINALLY he's actually having a relationship with someone that ISN'T incestuous. THANK GOD.

"And I didn't fantasize until I fell asleep in Tris' arms on the balcony anymore"- and then that had to happen...the suggestion is SO OBVIOUS. Do I assume they had rough sex again? Oh my ew, that is so sick.

Apart from the Tris-Aryan-Daniel love triangle (seriously, you are one sick puppy), this was highly readable. .

I loved the descriptions of setting, was it in Paris? or at least France? Meh, 'twas aces anyways.

But back to the incest. THAT WAS SO SICK. OH YUCK, I TOTALLY GAGGED. *Shudders*. And now I'm going to read the PM's you've just sent me...

"And then he would take our shirts off and nuzzle his harsh chin to my chest, leave a red line. Take in my scent. Kiss my lips. First my upper, then both, then my lower. Look at me. Kiss again. Kiss until we both started laughing."- W. T. F.

That is so rough it's unbelieveable. EW!

"I sat beside him, took his head into my lap and leaned down, kissed his lips." Oh wtf, this story is so twisted...

"Tris came home well after midnight. It must've been around four. He was drunk. He sneaked under my blanket with no clothes on and enveloped me."- I don't even want to KNOW if that means what I think it means. .

I'm sorry to see that you put this on hiatus, because this story absolutely rocks. I thought about doing some rabid fangirling, but I'm too tired to attempt, so I'll spare you.

Anyway, back to the story. I absolutely love your characters. They don't seem so plastic, as most authors tend to make them. They're more like real people, with real problems. It's as if you're not making them up, but rather writing about somebody that you meet on an everyday basis. I envy you for that, since it's a talent that most authors lack.

Also, the way you write it in that "broken up" kind of style is interesting. It gives me the feeling of really following somebodys thoughts, since most people actually think in that erratic kind of way. Your story flows, despite the way you sometimes simply skip periods of time. I love the feel that gives off, like with those movies when you know that the director gave everything in order to make it original, poured his soul into it to make it different.

I seriously hope that made sense, since it's hard to put the emotion I get while reading this into words.

Oh, and I love Tris. Probably because I don't understand him. But I think understanding will come with time. Although, I have the creeping suspicion that he likes Aryan more than he lets on. I'm assuming there, but whatever. Surprise me, shock me out of my socks.

The only thing that I'd like to add - if you don't mind xP - is that I hope you'll update soon. Simply because I really, truly believe that this story is worth it.

I liked it, of course, but there's only one thing that really bugs me: Aryan. Just the name, not the guy. He's Parisian, and in French Aryan (with a different spelling but same pronounciation) is a girl's name. Something just occured to me: Maybe you did it on purpose.

That kid's really confused, man... Didn't he know he wasn't going to menstruate?

Okay, a better ending this time, but the chapter itself was the least intriguing of them all :/ I can't particularly pin-point WHY. The latter half was good though. But with the first, I was in a "I can't care less" state.

The dialog was also very bland and impersonal and I don't know...I didn't quite like that. Felt very dead, which maybe was the mode you were going for. In that case: I just didn't like it, anyhow.

good story nevertheless, so keep on writing this one, okay? You have very nice way of formulating sentneces, for one.

I don't know what's with you and ending chapters with dialog. It's a really bad choice. It just feels like you randomly choose "ok, this is enough, I cut it off here". It doesn't feel like a proper chapter ending at all, which is my biggest beef with your writing.

Ok, aside from that: Tris freaks me out a bunch O.o Ahem... Yeah...

Story is running smoothly though, and doesn't get boring at all. It feels real, too, because its the way you portray it. Good job on that

Stolen from a commercial eh? In which it goes "Must've been a damn good pizza" mother said" or something like that.

"or when had drowned in a new painting."

Sentence doesn't make much sense... The "had" screws it up

"with out shirts off"

without or with our works better

Anyhowsie, I like this story. The summary caught my interest, and the overall attitude of this piece is simple yet I am not bored. I'm also glad you revelead his sex. It gets annoying when such a question is drawn out for too long.

Tris freaks me out a bit. He's a very intimate person :/ And how come this guy thought he was a girl? Weird...

The ending could be better though. I mean, “Am I gay or straight?” doesn't make me want to read onwards by itself. I think the ending should be a bit stronger. Chapter itself captured me, though, so it's only fair if the end should too.