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Thursday, May 31, 2012

Peekin' During Prayer

When my brother and I were little we used to "peek" at each other during dinner prayer and then as soon as Dad said, "Amen" we'd both open our eyes and try to be the first one to say,

"mom!! Jeremy/Cara had their eyes open!"

Admittedly, sometimes we still do it.

Last Sunday my hubs and I went to my brothers church to lead worship with him. I was having a restless morning. I wasn't feeling the best, and had been fighting for peace in my spirit for a few days. I was sitting on a stool up on stage while the pastor was leading the congregation in prayer, and that's right-- I peeked. I didn't want to fall asleep and then fall off my stool. Totally what I was thinking about.

When I opened my eyes I looked out into the congregation and in the second row I saw something that will forever change my conversations with my Father.

A little girl in a pink dress, was cuddled up at her daddy's side, staring up at him with the biggest grin I have ever seen.. dimples and all. He, however, had his eyes closed and head bowed. No more than two seconds later did he open his eyes, engulf her in his arms and whispered to her...

"I love you."

"I love you too, Daddy" she said back.

and that was it.

Now, ask my husband... I normally am blind as a bat and have to work hard to see small details at any measure of distance. But, God allowed me to read the words on their lips as if through a magnifying glass.

I might as well have fallen off of my stool... and then just stayed down there the rest of the service weeping. A friend has taught me to pray.. "Get to me, God"- and this got to me. REALLY got to me.

It was the most beautiful picture of prayer I had ever seen. I have spent my whole life wrestling with prayer. I can talk and talk all day long to the people around me and even to myself, but when it comes to heart to hearts with my Father, I close up. and then because I don't always understand it, I get religious about it and start making rules and formulas to help me "talk with God better". But what is prayer really?

I think it's when I cuddle up to my Daddy's side and "gaze upon Him".

and it's when He turns to me and whispers, "I love you."

and it's when I say, " I love too, Daddy."

and this is enough. this is more than enough.

for this is the bottom line of every conversation I have ever had or will ever have with my Father.

I am so stinkin' glad I peeked during prayer on Sunday morning. I think I'll be praying with my eyes open from now on.