Thursday, July 22, 2010

Asking for what you need is probably the most underutilized tool for people. And yet, amazing requests have been granted to people simply because they've asked for it!

Whether its money, information, support, assistance, or time, most people are afraid to ask for what they need in order to make their dreams come true.

They might be afraid of looking needy, ignorant, helpless, or even greedy. More than likely, though, it is the fear of rejection that is holding them back. Even though they are afraid to hear the word no, they're already saying it to themselves by not asking!

Do you ask for what you want or are you afraid of rejection?

Consider this: Rejection is just a concept. There is really no such thing as rejection! You're not any worse off by hearing no than you were before you asked. You didn't have what you asked for before you asked and you still don't, so what did you lose?

Being rejected doesn't hold you back from anything. Only YOU hold yourself back. When you realize that there's no merit to rejection, you'll feel more comfortable asking for things. You may just need a bit of help learning how to ask for what you want.

How to Ask for What You Want

There’s a specific science to asking for and getting what you want or need in life. And while I recommend you learn more by studying The Aladdin Factor, here are some quick tips to get you started:

1. Ask as if you expect to get it. Ask with a positive expectation. Ask from the place that you have already been given it. It is a done deal. Ask as if you expect to get a “yes.”

2. Assume you can. Don’t start with the assumption that you can’t get it. If you are going to assume, assume you can get an upgrade. Assume you can get a table by the window. Assume that you can return it without a sales slip. Assume that you can get a scholarship, that you can get a raise, that you can get tickets at this late date. Don’t ever assume against yourself.

3. Ask someone who can give it to you. Qualify the person. Who would I have to speak to get... Who is authorized to make a decision about... What would have to happen for me to get...

4. Be clear and specific. In my seminars, I often ask, “Who wants more money in their life?” I’ll pick someone who raised their hand and give them a quarter, asking, “Is that enough for you?” “No? Well, how would I know how much you want? How would anybody know?”

You need to ask for a specific number. Too many people are walking around wanting more of something, but not being specific enough to obtain it.

5. Ask repeatedly. One of the most important Success Principles is the commitment to not give up.

Whenever we’re asking others to participate in the fulfillment of our goals, some people are going to say “no.” They may have other priorities, commitments and reasons not to participate. It’s no reflection on you.

Just get used to the idea that there’s going to be a lot of rejection along the way to the brass ring. The key is to not give up. When someone says “No”— you say “NEXT!” Why?

Because when you keep on asking, even the same person again and again...they might say “yes”...

…on a different day
…when they are in a better mood
…when you have new data to present
…after you’ve proven your commitment to them
…when circumstances have changed
…when you’ve learned how to close better
…when you’ve established better rapport
…when they trust you more
…when you have paid your dues
…when the economy is better
…and so on.

Kids know this Success Principle better than anyone. They will ask the same person over and over again without any hesitation. (can you relate?)

Getting a good perspective on rejection and learning how to ask will make a world of difference for you as you work toward your goals. Practice asking and you'll get very good at it! You'll even speed your progress by getting what you need, or improving yourself in order to get it later.

Make a list of what you need to ask for in all areas of your life, and start asking.

Monday, July 5, 2010

"Like each of us, I've been hired by the Universe to be myself."
- Michael Beckwith

"I AM good enough!" "I AM lovable!" "It IS OK to live my dream!" These are some of the profound declarations my clients make as they release limiting beliefs. These are extraordinary moments when they realize what's been holding them back and they release a lifetime of resistance. With a certainty that comes from the depths of their being, they declare to all the Universe: "It's MY life!" "I AM worthy!" "I AM supposed to get what I want!"

Michael Beckwith writes eloquently about his childhood realization that the boy his family saw was not the Michael he knew himself to be. "At that moment," Michael writes, "I consciously shut down my cosmic connection and began conforming myself to labels that boxed me into being someone that everyone would be comfortable around."

Our circumstances are individual and unique, but the results are often similar: We come to view ourselves the way others see us rather than Who We Really Are. We learn to live with disappointment. We acquiesce to being OK without the money, the health, the relationships we desire. We're even tempted to stop desiring altogether if only it will stop the pain. But it never feels right to do without, to settle for less, to give up on our dreams. It just never feels right.

There's a battle going on within us when we harbor limiting beliefs. On the one hand, we KNOW we came here to create what we desire. We KNOW we're supposed to have desires and the Universe is supposed to fulfill those desires. On the other hand, we've become convinced we can't really have what we want. Not really. Oh, maybe we think we can have some of what we want - but only if we work very hard and if we're very "good" or very lucky.

This battle continues to rage every day of our lives until we root out the limiting beliefs that keep us from living what we came here knowing - that we CAN have what we want, that physical life experience is set up to inspire desire, that we're co-creating with the Universe to fulfill our desires. Of course, the Universe IS fulfilling our desires. It's just that we can't access the fulfillment of those desires until we ALLOW it in, until we BELIEVE we can, until we let go of "I can't" and re-connect with what our True Self knows for sure - "YES, I CAN!" "I get to choose!"

We know this - no matter how much we try to stuff it down with food or numb it with drugs or run away from it with distractions. It's still there, calling to us. "I really CAN have it all!" "I AM free!"

Until we release and replace limiting beliefs, they continue to undermine every thought, every choice, every decision we make. Limiting beliefs block the manifestation of our desires. Limiting beliefs block our natural state of Well-Being. As I assist my clients to shine a light on their limiting beliefs, they are able to break the chains and take back their power, their freedom, and their joy: "It IS OK to live my own life!" "I DO deserve the good things in life!" It IS OK to have money!

Once we release a negative, limiting belief, the positive, empowering "YES, I CAN!" knowing steps up quite naturally to replace it. Then, everything shifts. We click back into Who We Really Are and who we came here to be and life becomes a dance - the way we knew it could be.

We live in a Universe of abundance, limited only by our beliefs. When we change our underlying beliefs, everything changes. When we replace negative, limiting beliefs with joyful, empowering beliefs, we release resistance to our natural state of Well-Being. When we do this, the battle is over and we're re-connected with Who We Really Are. When we release limiting beliefs, we re-align with Source and are moved to passionately declare: "I AM magnificent!" "I CAN have what I want!" "YES, I CAN!"

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Dr. Masaru Emoto is the scientist from Japan who has done vast research about the characteristics of water. Among other things, his research revealed that water physically responds to emotions. Right now many people are understandably angry when they consider the Gulf oil spill. Yet we may be of greater assistance to our planet and its life forms if we sincerely, powerfully and humbly pray the prayer that Dr Emoto has proposed. (The conclusion of the prayer is based on the Hawaiian healing practice called ho'oponopono as taught by Dr. Haleakala Hew Len.)

I send the energy of love and gratitude
to the water and all the living creatures
in the Gulf of Mexico and its surroundings.

While visiting Japan, I was surfing some television channels and I came upon an American baseball game. There are lots of Japanese baseball players in the U.S. major leagues now, and the Japanese are very proud of them, so they broadcast the U.S. games there. Instead of airing the games in their entirety, however, they replay recent broadcasts, edited down to the highlights. So the show jumps from the stolen base in the first inning to the home run in the fourth, to the manager's fight with the umpire in the sixth, to the Japanese player's hit in the eighth, and so on. All in all, a two-and-a-half-hour game is condensed to about 20 minutes.

While it was interesting to see all the cool plays, I found watching the compacted version far less enjoyable than viewing an entire baseball game. Somehow the innings where nothing happens make the action-packed innings more meaningful and exciting. There is something about contrast that accentuates experience.

The game of life is the same way. It is not supposed to be action packed and exciting every minute. The lulls and quiet spaces enhance the peaks and crescendos. The downs accentuate the ups, and the setbacks make the triumphs more rewarding. Hunger makes food taste better when you receive it, missing others helps you appreciate them when you see them next, and foreplay makes an orgasm worth waiting for. The system is pretty clever.

I learned a similar lesson when I submitted an ad to a graphic artist. He told me there were too many words on the page. "The space on the page is as important as the text and pictures," he explained. "It's all about balance."

The next time nothing seems to be happening or something you want does not show up immediately, do not fret. The big game is far more satisfying than the condensed version.

When the defining moment comes, either you define the moment or the moment defines you.

―From the movie Tin Cup

In her delightful book, Let Go of the Shore, musician Karen Drucker describes a pivotal moment when she was about to sign up for a subscription to a trade magazine. At that time Karen was just starting her career and she did not have a lot of money. On the subscription page of the magazine she found two different forms of subscription: One for "Regular Subscriber" and another discounted rate for "Starving Artist." Karen was tempted to check the "Starving Artist" box, but she realized that if she claimed the identity of "Starving Artist" she would affirm that definition of herself, and that is who she would become. So she decided to take a leap of faith and pay for the regular-rate subscription as an affirmation that she could afford it.

The next day Karen received a number of checks in the mail and several invitations for music engagements. Her affirmation of herself as an abundant being, she maintains, drew to her the material abundance.

Every time we think or speak about ourselves or anyone, we are affirming who we or they are. So take care to choose the adjectives and labels you place upon yourself and others, for those descriptions will come true. Never speak of yourself as less than you would like to be, and afford others the same courtesy and empowerment.

Every choice you make reflects who you believe you are. Make choices that reflect and honor the best that you are and the best that you deserve, and your statements will become self-fulfilling prophecies.