How To Not Judge Someone Before You Get To Know Them

HOW TO NOT JUDGE SOMEONE BEFORE YOU GET TO KNOW THEM

Have you ever observed how much we judge our experiences? When you think of things that we judge, what comes to mind? The car that cut you off yesterday? Maybe the school bully? Or how about the person in a robe that sits above everyone in a courtroom? These are just some simple examples but judgement in general is something that can be perceived and experienced in so many different ways.

There are many things that we judge and that can be judged and this plays such a large role in our experiences individually and collectively. I think it’s safe to say that judgement is one of the most supported conditioning's of the mind worldwide and it can come in such subtle ways that make it difficult to observe at times.

Have you ever judged someone only later to find that after meeting the person they weren’t like what you thought at all? Or you were afraid of something because you were judging the experience, but then went through with it and came to love it? I’m sure many can relate to doing this and it can show us just how much judgement can limit us.

According to Linda Blair, clinical psychologist and author of “Straight Talking”, it takes only seven seconds for us to judge another person when we first meet them, and most of the time we don’t even notice we’re doing it, the judgement is on auto-pilot!

Think of how much we could miss out on by judging someone or something. You never know who could walk into your life that could touch you in a way that changes you forever, or an experience that could make you a much stronger and wiser person.

When we look at various thoughts that stem from judgement, such as the thought of something or someone being right or wrong, or good or bad, it’s clear to see that they come in the form of a belief system. Now if we hold a belief, does it mean that it is 100% true and that we need to adhere to it being as such? Or is it possible that it’s just a story that we are buying into and identifying with? Let’s take a look at an example.

In North America, we believe we should look and act in a certain way when going about our daily lives. In other parts of the world, such as Africa, women and men alike walk around either half naked with bare chests or fully naked with very little to no clothes. Someone from North America could look at the African experience and think it’s wrong or bad, and of course vice versa.

But if each party is thinking something differently and judging the other experience, which one is the right way to do things or which one is true? The truth is, neither. Both are neither wrong or right, or good or bad. They are just stories/beliefs we are creating in our minds.

It’s only when we engage in these stories/beliefs that we make them “real”. If we were to detach and let go of these stories/beliefs, we’d be left with a truth that is difficult to deny. The truth that they are just experiences. Without the judgement, we become neutral and unidentified with any belief. This is where full potential and freedom can be obtained within our lives. Freedom from the limitations we impose on ourselves by thinking things need to either be, or in fact are a certain way when they aren’t. As the saying goes, everything is what it is.

Remember when you were a child and how curious you were about things and how welcoming you were to other people and experiences? It’s because as children we aren’t judging things, yet.

Judgement is something we learn along the way through conditioning that comes in many forms such as our cultural beliefs, our education, our family morals, our governmental structures and so on.

Going back to the example of the North American and the African, if both were to hold on to their beliefs and continue to judge other experiences, it limits them in what they are able to experience.

But imagine if each party were to let go of their judgement.

They would now be free to observe other experiences and possibly even try them out! This is what we are all striving for. The ability to play without limitation, true freedom, on this beautiful playground we call Earth. I encourage you to be observant of yourself and to try to pinpoint any judgement that comes up.

You can even try out exercises like sitting in a mall on a bench watching everyone and making a point not to judge anything. You might just see some judgement you weren’t aware of before!