Tuesday, December 28, 2010

After dragging my ass all day yesterday and feeling so drained, I gained all this energy when I didn't need it. I started cleaning the house up and putting our Christmas stuff away and packing my "to go bag" at 8:00 at night. I didn't stop until 11:00 when hubby made me go to bed. I did get a lot done, but I laid there thinking of what else needed to get done and I couldn't sleep. By the time I got my mind to settle down, my back hurt so much and I couldn't lay down. I almost got back to cleaning, but hubby told me not to. He gave me a massage instead. Now, at 7:30 in the morning... I feel tired. I get Lilly back today though. (You know what's awesome?? As soon as I typed that sentence, her father sent me a text telling me he just dropped her off at my grandma's house!!) Having Lilly around will give me a bit more energy. I'm thinking about leaving work a bit early to go get her.Cleaned my desk out yesterday in preparation for my maternity leave. I couldn't believe how much crap and how much personal stuff I had in my desk. I threw so much away and I have like 3 plastic bags full of stuff to take home. I parted with a lot of stuff that I was very attached to. I kept telling myself that was the past and it doesn't matter any more. Now is what matters. There was a few things I just couldn't part with though. Like my books of poetry I've been writing since I was 13.... I don't know what I'm going to do with them, but those books are a big part of who I was and who I grew up to be. Yes, like I said... the past is the past, but this is just something I can't throw out. It took all I had to throw out some old letters from a pen pal back in high school. I think those letters show a great deal of who this guy was and who he grew up to be, but he isn't in my life and after some thinking, I didn't see the point in keeping them.This will be my last post of the year. I'm taking the rest of the week off to spend with Lilly and get some cleaning done in preparation for the baby. My baby shower is January 2, so there's more stuff I gotta find room for. Still no word on the loan. Its been just a little over a week since we turned in all the papers. Hopefully we'll hear something soon. I can't see how I can squeeze a newborn in our tiny space. I know I'm gonna have to, even if its just for a couple weeks cuz even if the loan lady calls today and says everything is a go, there's no way we will get everything processed, closed, and move in just 3 weeks.Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, December 27, 2010

Oh, Christmas..........Thursday Christmas with Dad and all them was.... odd to say the least. Dad got there about half an hour before we were going to leave. We got to his house a little after noon and was going to leave about 5. My step mom didn't come. She was suppose to stop by after she got off work, but instead she bypassed her house to go to her mom's to start cooking. Her house is like 50 feet from her mom's so its not like she couldn't have stopped by for 5 minutes.That night Lilly was so excited. We made cookies, put out the reindeer food on the porch and hung our stockings. I wish I would have gotten a picture of her spreading out the reindeer food. She did it with such seriousness and carefulness. She'd grab a little bit in her hand, sprinkle it in one spot, grab some more and sprinkle in another spot being oh so careful not to step on any of it. When she got in bed she yelled at us to go to bed to Santa could come. "Mommy!! You have to go to bed early to Santa can come and you have to turn my tv off early so I can go to sleep!!" She usually ends up going to sleep with while the tv is on. I give her an hour of tv time at night but she hardly makes it the whole hour. I asked her if she wanted me to turn the tv off now and she protested which I thought was funny. 5 minutes later, she was asleep. Me and hubby did our thing and went to bed. Of course I didn't sleep all night. I kept waking up thinking I heard Lilly up, but she was in bed. At 5:30 she woke up and wanted a tissue, so I took one to her, she blew her nose, looked out the window and laid back down. I went back to sleep. I woke up several times since then thinking she was up, but I never heard anything and just kept going back to sleep. Finally at 7:30 I woke up and was just going to get her up. I sat up in bed and there she was just sitting her bed all nice and quiet. She said she's been awake for a while and even got up to peek at the tree to see if Santa came! I asked her why she didn't wake us up and she never really answered. So we got up. I got some good pictures of her reaction while opening up her presents. She loved all of it except the pink socks I got her cuz she doesn't like pink anymore. I made sure the dollhouse was the very last thing opened. She opened up all the rooms and didn't know exactly what to do with them until she opened up her big present. She sat and played with that thing for about an hour. Lilly's gift to me was a heart shaped locket that said "MOM" on it. I love it. I cried. Then we headed to hubby's mom's house so Lilly could open her stuff there then we went to my grandma's house (dad's house) and did Christmas with them there.We were there maybe 10 minutes and I go to look out the window and there's 5 cop cars and an ambulance. Apparently someone 3 doors down from grandma shot himself.Lilly's father came and picked her up and I found out his gf is pregnant. Nice timing, huh? A part of me is very happy for them and then the other part of me is mad at them for their timing. I feel they did all this on purpose to take Lilly's focus away from my baby. I feel like she won't be as excited about his baby cuz there's gonna be another one.Christmas day me and hubby head off to his mom's house. She got us the Wii fit, which I've been telling hubby I wanted for 2 years and she got us a freaking HD flat screen tv after I told her a million times not to.All in all the holiday was good. The baby was very active on Saturday. He woke up at 6 pm and didn't calm down until 11. He was hurting me so bad and of course everyone was saying that I was going to go into labor cuz I was in so much pain. Ya know what??.... I'm getting tired of people saying stuff like that every time I have a little bit of pain. He's getting big and doesn't have that much room, so yes, when he does move it hurts sometimes. And I'm tired of everyone saying something about me falling down the steps. Its not like I did it on purpose and it seriously caused me a lot of pain, but my mom and hubby's family and their friends won't shut up about it. I can't even go down any steps without someone making some kind of comment. OMG... just shut up about it already. It would be different if it didn't hurt me or make Lilly cry. It would be different if I wasn't pregnant when I did it. It would be different if I did it out of pure clumsiness instead of ice. It would be different if I wasn't in the hospital for hours because of it. I just don't think that this kind of thing is something you make fun of someone for. And its been over a week, just drop it. Its not funny, it was never funny and now its just kind of pissing me off.Now I have the New Year's party and my baby shower to look forward to. Yes, that was sarcasm you detected.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Doc appt yesterday went ok. She didn't really do much since I was basically checked out on Saturday. Yesterday was kind of a bad day anyway. I was in pain. My back hurt, I had some pressure, and it felt like someone was pushing on my tummy. My bruises hurt and my left leg is swollen real bad. My ankle hurts, too. The doc said not to worry about any of those, its all due to my fall. My boss kept telling everyone I was in labor yesterday. I kept telling her, and everyone else, that I wasn't and I was just fine...just a little pain.Santa comes tonight at our house. Going today to have Christmas with my dad. Mom keeps calling me asking if I'm going to make it for Christmas and I have been telling her for a month now that I'm not. I'm not going up there to see anyone until Wednesday or so. She even had my ex-step dad call and ask me. You can ask all you want, but its not going to change. Yes, I already feel bad about it, you don't have to keep giving me the guilt trip.Mom also keeps trying to name the baby. Every time she brings it up, I just keep saying NO before she even throws a name out there. I don't want to be mean, but its not her kid to name. We will find the perfect name when we find it. I told her, again, when I can come down with Lilly and she was trying to make plans for me to make it up to her house. I told her we could meet at grandma's. Then she said, "Yeah, I guess I can pick you guys up there and bring you to the house." No mom, I want to meet at grandma's and stay there. I haven't seen her in a long time either. "Ok, then I can just take you up to my house." No, mom, no. I would like to spend time with grandma too... and to be honest (I didn't tell her this last part) I don't really like going up to your house. Its fine the first couple minutes, but then it sucks. She pulls her grandma card way too much and lets Lilly get by with way too much. She also has inside dogs that shed... I'm not a fan of dog hair stuck all over my clothes. And her bf is adopting his grandson so he will be there. Whenever someone else is around, mom ignores me and Lilly. Last time I went to see her the neighbor and his girlfriend came over and I got to spend maybe 10 minutes out of the 5 hours I was there with mom. I don't want to be rude or selfish or anything like that, but I only get to see her once a month if we are lucky and she spends her time with other people that she sees all the time while we are there. Its almost gotten to the point where I don't really care if I see her that often or not. She can come to me. There's no reason why she can't. Why am I the only one driving that far to visit? I don't know. I'm just sorta not a fan of my entire family at this moment. I'm learning about who they really are and I don't like it. The stuff I posted on here is just the beginning and just the not so bad stuff.Moving on........I think we need to establish a holiday schedule. We don't have to see everyone on Christmas or Christmas Eve, but it seems like its always hubby's family that wins. Yeah, I just got done saying I'm not a big fan of mine right now, but I'd still like to see them, especially during the holidays. I didn't get to see ANY of my family on Thanksgiving. I mean, I'm visiting with mine all around Christmas this year and we are going to the in-laws on Christmas. How fair is that? How about we just not go anywhere on Christmas from now on and see everyone either before or after? I'm visiting dad, my step mom and 3 brothers today. Tomorrow, we do it at our house, then go to hubby's mom, then to my grandma (dad's mom) and then Lilly gets picked up by her father. Christmas we go to hubby's mom's then to his sister's for dinner. Sometime next week, I gotta make it to see mom, grandma (mom's mom), my step dad, 3 of my brothers and my nephew. I don't know. I just don't think its fair that we always spend every holiday with his family and no matter how much I bring it up and tell him how much I want to see mine and how much I don't ever get to see them, it never changes.:-(Maybe next year, I won't go anywhere and everyone can just come to our house if they want to see us. I'm tired of trying to make sure I see everyone on every holiday and then getting the guilt trip when I fail.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Lilly's Christmas performance was wonderful. She sang and did the movements and didn't get embarrassed. Usually she will get embarrassed halfway through and stop singing or barely sing, but this time she opened that mouth wide and sang. I almost cried a few times cuz it made me realize just how much she has grown up. The picture I took, its in her classroom in front of their Christmas tree. I'm glad that they can still put trees up in schools. She's doing her chipmunk smile. She seems to always do that smile when I pull her hair back from her face. Maybe its just more noticeable then. I don't know. She's still so very adorable. I love her outfit. I didn't get any pictures with my phone during the performance cuz I was video taping the entire time with the camcorder. Seating was very limited. They had these long benches that they use at lunch time. It was me and hubby, my grandparents, hubby's sister and her 3 kids and then a couple people on the other end. I was on the end and had like 3 inches of seat. I didn't mind. I'd rather have half a seat than to be standing. Lilly's father made it, but he came in late and had to stand in the back. I didn't see him until it was over or I would have found a place for him.I thought they were going to bring out one class and they were going to sing a song or two and then another class would come out, but they had all of them up there and they did a lot of songs. They sang a few Christmas songs, did hand movement 'songs,' a Hannukkah song and a Kwanzaa song. The last song they did was Feliz Navidad. Seeing the kids trying to remember the words was kind of comical. The first time they ran through the entire Spanish part, half the kids didn't say anything and the rest just mumbled, but after that they had it down and did really well.

My bruises look bad now. They are dark blue and purple, some yellow and I'm still swollen. The baby is doing great though. Lilly suggested the name Zachary at dinner on Saturday and hubby seemed to like it a lot. That name was on the list but for some reason we quit talking about the names on the list. The two that we agreed on and both liked was Zachary and Michael. So, if we do go with Zachary his middle name will be Alexander. Zachary Alexander. I like it, but for some reason I don't feel like it fits. I don't know. I do really like the name and that's probably what we will go with, but I still think I'd like to see him first before we decide.I was going to take all next week off to spend with Lilly cuz she is off school and all, but I'm being nice and letting her father keep her an extra day. So, I'll come to work on Monday and Tuesday and then take the rest of the week off. He doesn't know it yet. It'll be my Christmas present to him. I think I will go ahead and text him.........Ok, just did. Waiting for answer now. He's gotta have someone to watch her on Monday or the deal is off. I don't want to pay a full week's price at the Y when she is only gonna go one day if he has to take her on Monday. We'll see what he says..... ok, its all good. He said ok.Hubby's gift finally was delivered last night at my grandma's house. I called them yesterday morning cuz the thing online said incorrect address, and it was so not the wrong address. I told the guy over the phone that if he would just google the address, the arrow is right on the house, but I gave him directions anyway. Not a big fan of FEDEX now. I was suppose to get that package 2 weeks ago. I kept letting it slide cuz of the weather, but it was only bad for like 2 days. I'm gonna use UPS as much as I can now. I haven't had any problems out of them and I've used them for everything else. They've delivered 4 packages for me in the past month and they were always on time. I know a lot of people that work for FEDEX so I'm sorry about saying that, but its just so ridiculous. Hubby already knows what it is though.Ok, I know I rambled a lot in this post, but I'm just in a really talkie mood. I feel like I have a lot to say, but its really nothing. I don't feel like its Christmas anymore. I felt more Christmas-y last month before I went shopping. I've also noticed that this year less people have decorated the outside of their house. We haven't, but we don't have any lights. Next year, though, I'm going all out. Last year though, it seemed like almost every other house was lit up. This year, you have to go like a mile to find one.

Monday, December 20, 2010

5 days 'til ChristmasSo I had a very eventful weekend.Friday hubby called me when he got off work to tell me he was going hunting and he wouldn't be home when I got there. I asked him who was going to get my car in the driveway since there was so much snow and ice and my car always has problems and he said I'd be ok and I'd make it in just fine. So I pick Lilly up, we get some McDonalds and head home..........and I can't get in the driveway. After about 15 minutes of my backend hanging out in the road cuz I can't get in any further and spinning my tires so much I can smell the rubber, I finally go get one of my neighbors. She, her husband and his brother try to get my car in. They spin and slide. They push and shove. They shovel and clear, but my car will not go all the way in. They do get it in far enough where it is out of their way and out of the road. I told them they had to leave enough room so my other neighbor can make it in. I call her to tell her about the lack of space to get in, but she makes it just fine. My car just really sucks.Saturday, I had so much planned. I was going to go pick up my brother to help me get hubby's gift cuz I can't lift it. I go down our many stairs to move my car out of the driveway. I had to make sure I could get out before I got Lilly dressed. So I moved it on the side road, got Lilly ready and woke up my brother telling him I was on my way. I took Lilly's hand, told her to watch the ice on the steps and then I fell. Thankfully I let go of Lilly as I went down so she didn't go with me. I have no idea how many stairs I fell down, but I fell all the way on my behind and not my belly. I didn't even bump my belly on anything. My right hand was full of bags and my purse, but I didn't let go of them. Halfway down the stairs I heard Lilly yell after me and I tried to stop, but there was nothing to get a hold of without turning myself and bumping my belly, so I just rode all the way down. The neighbor came out of her apartment and saw me at the bottom, asked if I was ok. I sat there a minute, saw Lilly at the top crying, got up and told her to carefully come to me. I got her and hugged her and then told the neighbor (Tiffany) that I felt ok. I asked Lilly if she fell any or if she got hurt and she didn't. She kept crying until I assured her that I was ok and the baby was fine. She finally calmed down, but was still upset. Tiffany ran and got dressed and took us to the hospital. The ER sent me directly up to triage. They let Lilly back even though she wasn't suppose to be. I called hubby's mom to come get Lilly. Tiffany stayed in the little waiting room watching Lilly until they were allowed in my room. Lilly got to hear her brothers heartbeat for the first time. They had me hooked up to a thing where they could constantly check his heartbeat and my contractions. Apparently I was having a lot of contractions, but I couldn't feel 'em. Tiffany kept saying, "That one was up to 20, how about that one? Oh, that one was up to 35, now its 40, do you feel it?" Nope. Not at all. I mean, I felt my tummy tighten, but none of it hurt. Sometimes I thought it was just the baby stretching out.I tried to call hubby, but he was still out hunting and didn't have service and no one was in the cabin to answer the phone. My mother-in-law called hubby's sister and she called her husband to tell him. I fell at 9:30, got to the hospital at 10, hubby's mom got there at 11, hubby's brother in law knew at 10:30, but he didn't tell hubby 'til after noon. So hubby didn't get to show up to the hospital 'til 10 minutes before they let me out.Ok, back up a bit. I'm so horrible at telling stories. Hubby's mom stayed about 2 hours and then she took Lilly to eat and then to her house. Hubby's sister was graduating at 3 and I was really trying to get out so I could go. Tiffany stayed with me 'til hubby showed up. Everything is fine though. I'm pretty bruised up and swollen from my left hip down to my ankle, but other than that, we are both just fine. I'm sore and stiff everywhere and its hard to move around, but I'm thankful that's all that's wrong. I can live with the bruises and the awkward limp. I'm just super thankful that the baby and Lilly are both ok. Everytime I try to recall everything that happened it makes me cry. Not because of what happened, but because it could have been a lot worse and because I feel so bad for Lilly having to see it happen. She was so worried.

Lilly's Christmas sing is tonight. I gotta remember to charge the camcorder up. I'll try to remember to take a pic of her outfit with my phone so you can see just how adorable she is.We celebrate Christmas with Lilly on Friday!!!!! There's still so very much that needs to be done. I'm not done wrapping everything, well, I'm done with Lilly's stuff, hubby's gift is still not at our house, I haven't prepared anything to cook or bring in to work on Wednesday, I haven't really planned out exactly what we are doing and when. We have so many places to go and I want to try to do it all with Lilly but its hard cuz we only have her up 'til Friday night and I don't even know a time for the drop off yet either. Wow, what happened to the time?

Friday, December 17, 2010

Took the day off work yesterday cuz the roads were just way to bad. I did attempt to go out, but I didn't even make it the daycare when I turned around. We passed a bad wreck, big trash truck vs small car. Everyone was ok. After slipping and sliding everywhere, I told Lilly we were turning around. I tried to turn around at hubby's parent's road, but I slid past it so I went to the church after that and turned. Hubby went to work and he made it just fine. He has snow tires, took a better route and is a much better driver than I am.After all day at home with Lilly, and nothing to do to run off her energy, I finally let her outside. The snow was just so bad, the wind was blowing and it was just so freaking cold so I was trying to ride it out. We got about 4 1/2 inches yesterday. I bundled her up and she reminded me of the little brother on The Christmas Story cuz she couldn't move. She had on sweat pants with jeans overtop, two pairs of socks, her snow boots, two pairs of gloves, a T-shirt with a sweatshirt over top and then her coat, a hat and a scarf. She shoveled off the porch, hubby thought I did it and got kinda mad 'til I showed him Lilly did it. She wanted to do it. I helped her a little bit, but she did a good job. We spent the better part of the morning watching cars go up and down our hill to see if they would make it. One didn't. It slid sideways and knocked over a mailbox. Not just any mailbox, it was a cops mailbox. He wasn't home.School is closed again today. Roads were kind of ok. I got stuck in the driveway and had problems spinning out on our little back road. The main road was ok until I got closer to work. It was like, the closer I got, the worse it got. The road right beside my work was horrible. I got stuck there too and almost spun my car around. Its such a scarey thing to feel my car not work the way I intend it to. When it slides or skids or spins, my heart skips a beat. I need a tank, ha! I noticed that I shouldn't be trying to walk in deep snow either. Put too much pressure on my belly. We walked to the mailbox and I almost couldn't make it back to the house.Tomorrow, if hubby has to work or goes hunting, me and Lilly are gonna drive to my dad's house to pick up my little brother. I'm taking him to my grandma's house to get hubby's gift cuz I'm not suppose to carry it. I need him to take it from Maw's house to my car then up the steps of my apartment. I gotta wrap it before hubby gets home around noon then get my brother back home before 3 cuz he has to work and all of us are going to hubby's sister's graduation. She's graduating college, but I have no idea what she majored in or anything. I have no idea what we are doing Sunday. Hopefully not much.Just got some news that my "use to be smoking buddy" here at work got another job. Congrats to her! Sounds like a good job. Receptionist at a law firm making more money than here, child care reimbursement, paid parking, and paid health insurance. Sounds awesome. That's something that I need to get. Paid health insurance and child care reimbursement. I'd even go if it was paid parking. Just gotta wait 'til after my maternity leave. Oh, my bff got offered a job as a flight attendant. How cool is that? She still has to take some tests and stuff to see if she can pass before the job is actually hers.34 days 'til my due date!!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Second post of the dayAs the big day draws near, I keep thinking about how I would like for it to go. Not the labor part, no, its the visitors that concern me.I only want hubby back for delivery, but as soon as that baby is out, Lilly is to be the only other one allowed back. I want her to be the first one in the waiting room to see the baby. I want to have those first few minutes of his life to be with us, all together. I'll try to see if I can get a nurse to take some pics of us with the baby. Then after we've had our moment, anyone can come back. They do only allow 2 back at a time, for which I am grateful. I'll let the waiting room fight it out. I don't care if its my mom, hubby's mom or whoever. As long as we get those first minutes alone with Lilly and the baby, I'm happy.Some of hubby's family are very unhappy that I chose the hospital that I did. The one I'm going to is further away from home, but I like how they do things. The hospital that they wanted me to go to allows anyone back for the deliver, no limited amount (which I think is dangerous), and no limited amount of visitors after delivery. Which means, the entire waiting room could come back at the same time. Um... how about NO. My mom and his mom don't like that they can't come back just whenever they feel like it. I don't care. This is Lilly little brother and hubby's first child. I don't want anyone to come back and ruin it. I hope they will do as I wish. I wish they would be understanding about it all and not act all selfish.Writing that last sentence I realize that I myself am being selfish cuz I don't want them to come back and stay there or anything like that. I remember how it was with Lilly though. Lilly's father, his aunt and my mom were all back there. I hated it. I felt crowded. No one helped at all. They laughed when I asked for help. I hated that my mom and his aunt sat there and made jokes while I laid there in pain. I hated that I couldn't get silence when I needed to concentrate. I hated that I only got to hold my little baby girl for only a few seconds before someone took her out of my arms. I hated that I didn't get to hold her again until visiting hours were over. Reliving that experience is just not going to happen. That was suppose to be one of the most joyous occasions of my life, and don't get me wrong it was, it really was, but it could have gone a lot better.I am now perfectly ok with not knowing the exact day that I will have this baby. It gives me a little bit of space from everyone else. Yes, I still worry about some things like not being able to get a hold of hubby when it all starts, but its not like the baby will pop out in 5 minutes. I will have time. I don't think that I'm going to start making phone calls to family until after we get to the hospital. The only problem is that we will have to have someone come down to watch Lilly or something, if I have her that day. Chances are good that I will, so we need to start trying to think of what we are going to do. I can call my grandma at any time and she will watch Lilly, no matter if its 2 am or not. If Lilly is in school, hubby's mom can bring her with her. If she is with her father, I'm gonna have to call him to bring her when time gets closer.I know there is no use in trying to plan this out. I know someone will not care about anything I say and will do whatever they want anyway.

I think I have done my good deeds for the holiday season. I gave some canned food for Lilly's school, I do still need to send some to the Y though and I just gave $100 to a lady here at work for her friend whose house burned down last night. I could spare it this time cuz I'm not sending Lilly to the Y on the last week of the year.I've noticed that when I have dreams, I don't dream about the area where I live now. I never do. It's always about where I grew up or places I've never been. I just think its so weird to never have a dream about where I am now.Lilly has a field trip tomorrow, weather permitting. I know where she's going, but I have no idea what she will be doing. The class is going to the Clay Center. Its kinda like a museum and so many other things too. Here's a link if you want to take a look at it. ~ http://www.theclaycenter.org/ She loves going here. This will be her third time. Last time, though, she didn't have so much fun. They did the planetarium where you sit in a theater-like setting, but the screen is on the ceiling. She's afraid of the dark, so her and a bunch of other kids ended up crying and freaking out. I hope they don't do that this time. I don't know why it bothered her then. She is just fine at the movies. I guess at some points the room went completely dark, I don't know.One of the girls here at work had her baby last night. She named her Stella and she was 8 pounds 14 ounces and 21 inches long. That's one big baby. Lilly was 21 inches long, but was exactly a pound less. I've only got 5 weeks left with this one and from the looks of my belly, he's not gonna be too big.... I hope. I can't believe I have only 5 weeks left. I have exactly 36 days until my due date. OMG!!!! In a month I'm going to have 2 kids!! It hit me yesterday that I'm going to be done having kids before I'm even 25. That's not really how I planned it out. Hubby doesn't want anymore. We can't really afford anymore, but I would like to have at least 3. I just can't believe that I'll only be 42 when my son turns 18. Hubby will be 51. I guess I need to pay more attention to hubby's age instead of mine. He is the age I wanted to be when I had my last kid. I wanted the kids spaced out pretty well, but not too much. I think the age difference between Lilly and her brother is perfect. A part of me kinda wanted to have my second baby while my first one was a little younger so they could play together more, but I think 6 years is good too. Lilly can help out a bit and still play with him when he gets older. She'll still want to play hide and seek and stuff like that when he's ready. There is 7 years difference between me and my brother under me and I think I'm closer with him than any of my other brothers.The only people I need to buy gifts for now is my boss, one of my co-workers and I need something for the gift exchange here at work. I have no idea what I'm going to get for any of those. I did have a craft organizer bag thingy picked out last night for my boss cuz she does a lot of craft stuff, but it just didn't seem like the right thing. I don't know.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

SNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Yeah...so we got some snow yesterday. I left work a little early cuz it started to snow again and the roads were getting real bad. By the time I picked up Lilly and got home, it was all ok and the snow had stopped. School is only on a 2 hour delay today. When I picked Lilly up yesterday at the Y, I couldn't believe what I saw. Despite the very low temperatures and the inches of snow, her father dressed her in one of those long shirts that kinda look like a dress, tights, and........... cowboy boots! Not SNOW boots, no...these were cowboy boots. The bottom was slick and had no traction at all, she had nothing on her legs other than the tights and the temps were in the teens. He got lucky though cuz school was out and she stayed inside the Y all day. Yeah, the outfit is super cute, but its just very inappropriate for this kind of weather. He should know better.I let Lilly wrap hubby's Christmas presents. Well.... some of them. I still have one here at work and one at my grandma's. Lilly wrapped the one she picked out all by herself. She got him a Wii fishing game that came with a Wii fishing pole. She was determined that day to get him a fishing pole, but I kept telling her that he already had one....well... she still found a way to give him one. Tonight I'm going to let her wrap her father's and sister's gifts by herself. She's getting better at it.Got a little more sleep last night than usual. I had a little trouble going to sleep though. The baby decided that bedtime was a great time for him to wake up and lay on all the wrong things. I went to bed at 10, but I think I didn't get to finally actually lay down to sleep until after 11:30. I didn't wake up all night until about 5 am when Lilly woke up and needed a tissue. I thought about staying up cuz my clock goes off at 5:45, but since the baby was still asleep, I laid back down. Still exhausted today, though. I miss sleep so much.Just have 5 more weeks left 'til I'm due!!

Monday, December 13, 2010

We went to the bank on Saturday to sign our papers for the application for the loan, and the mortgage lady was a no show. I was kinda upset about that. We've been trying for 2 years to get a house and just when we think we have it, its delayed just that much longer.Hubby took me out to pick my Christmas present. He wanted to get me a gun, but he wanted me to pick one out that I like and feel comfortable with. I picked out a .380, all black. I'm not a big fan of the grip, though. Its a bit rough on my hands, but its the one I liked the most. He still has to wrap it up. Even though I know what it is, I still want to unwrap it.Got all of Lilly presents from Santa wrapped up and hidden away. They are hidden in plain sight, but she'll never see them. I put them in 2 big black trash bags and just placed them in our closet. She is so use to seeing bags and stuff in there, she won't pay any attention. I'm making her doll house be from us. I want that to be the very last thing she opens. Ok...no... open the doll house and then the rooms. I still haven't gotten my hands on the nursery for the babies the house comes with. I have the living room, dining room, family room, big sister's room, and the laundry room. I almost had the kitchen, but it was broken.Christmas dinner at the fire station went ok. Food was great, but some people are just so stupid. Santa was there for the kids and so was the Grinch in a santa outfit. That was pretty cool. We heard jingle bells and its usually Santa, so all the kids were getting excited and standing in their seats, eagerly looking at the door. Some green fuzzy fingers came around the door frame and over half of the kids started freaking out. When the Grinch came through the door, the kids were hiding and crying. They eventually got over it and got pictures with him. Santa came in shortly after. The picture is hubby's mom, sister and his youngest nephew with the Grinch. See the death-grip he has on his mom? I just really wanted to show you how awesome the costume looked.Sunday we went to one of hubby's nephew's birthday party and Santa was there too. Hubby's sister made me sit in Santa's lap. Kinda awkward.School are closed today cuz we got a really good snow storm last night. I'm surprised I came to work. I didn't sleep at all last night, ok maybe 3 hours. I just couldn't get comfy, I couldn't breathe, I was paranoid that hubby wasn't going to wake up in time, and I could hear our neighbor out there plowing our side road every half an hour. I slept from 11-12:30, 2-3, 4-5. I'm exhausted. So hubby had to get up early to plow snow at his work, and then I finally get out of bed. (Oh, not to forget the phone calls and text messages at 4 am to tell me that school is on a 2-hour delay and then closed) I look outside and the main road just looks so bad. Usually I would call my boss right there and tell her I'm not coming in and then crawl back into bed. I don't know if it was my lack of sleep so I wasn't thinking straight or if I had convinced myself that it wasn't that bad cuz the snow was powdery, but I came to work. I went out there, cleaned my car off and ventured on. The roads were slick as all get out. I'm such a coward when it comes to bad roads. I've been in 2 really bad wrecks where I totaled my cars, so I get paranoid when it comes to certain things. But I made it to work and that's all that matters right now. Lilly made it to the Y just fine and I get her back today.Been having contractions more often. I can't really feel any pain when it happens, but my stomach is tightening up and that's what the doc said to watch for.Yesterday I had to listen to 4 other women talk about giving birth and how the hospital handled it. They were telling me like I didn't know, like I've never done this before. It was kinda making me mad. I know how my hospital handles things, that why I picked that one and not the one closer to home. No, I don't want people back there during delivery, I want it to just be me and hubby. (My mom wasn't happy about that decision) I know all about the drugs they give out and who is allowed back after delivery. I know all of it, but OMG, they had to tell me like I didn't. I don't really like talking about stuff like that. I don't really like talking about my pregnancy anymore. I don't want to talk about how everyone else's delivery went. I don't want to talk about anything anymore. I am so wore out on talking about those things. Its the same questions with the same people. When's your due date? You have a name picked out yet? Who's gonna be in the delivery room with you? (oh and I hope hubby's mom realizes that she's not invited in either) How much weight did you gain? Who is your doctor? (they ask that like they know every OB-GYN in the state) Have you been craving anything? Is he moving a lot? Can I feel him? My first pregnancy, I hated it when people touched my tummy... especially without even asking, but this time it doesn't bother me as much for some reason. People still don't ask, they just do it. I don't mind putting my thoughts and what not on here, cuz I'm sorta documenting what is going on. I don't mind telling people the answers to their questions, but I just don't want to do it every time I see them when they ask the same questions and make the same comments. That's one of the reasons I don't really like seeing my family anymore, cuz that's all they will talk about. Yes, I'm pregnant... can we all just move on now? My mom is the worse. I try to tell her stuff and confide in her, but she's like, "Yep. You just wait." She treats me like I'm stupid sometimes. Its gotten to the point where I hate talking to her over the phone. I was trying to tell her the other day when I am planning on coming down to celebrate Christmas and she was acting like I wasn't going to come cuz of the snow. When I try to talk to her about Lilly, she just makes these little comments that I could really do without. I don't know what happened to her. I use to be able to talk to her about just about anything... not anymore.

Friday, December 10, 2010

So hubby stopped by the bank yesterday to get his information updated and whatnot for the loan. Ok, last time we were in there about 6 months ago the mortgage lady told us to pay off our stuff. She even printed out our credit reports and circled the things that we owed. Mine was mostly medical bills. Well, we paid everything. We owe nothing to anyone. We are debt free. Our credit cards all have a zero balance. All my medical bills are gone. Our cars are paid off. Its a great feeling. Not so great is when the mortgage lady told hubby that his almost perfect credit score dropped 100 points due to no credit activity. I told him we need to periodically use our Walmart cards for small purchases and pay them off immediately. He agreed to that. My credit score went up, but I didn't ask by how much. I wasn't there. Hubby did call me and say that there is this one medical bill from 2005 that is showing on my credit report. I started yelling cuz I know which one it was and it is most certainly paid off. I have the receipts. The mortgage lady has the receipts also. I heard the lady ask him if I was upset and crying since I've been known to cry in her office. He said, "No, she's yelling at me!"Today I emailed her some additional information like my pay check stubs and my account statements. Tomorrow we go back to sign the papers and then we wait. We're going to make an offer of $95,000 on the house we want....if its still for sale....and if we get the loan. The house if off market, but that's all we know. I'm gonna do a drive by today to see if there is still a for sale sign in front and/or if its still empty. We did do a drive by of another house last night. I don't want to live down that road and the yard is small, but its a 5 bedroom house with 2 baths, family room, game room and a den. We don't know the condition of the inside though. Oh, and its a 2 car garage. The other house, the one we really want, is 3 bedroom with 2 baths, 2 car garage and a huge ass yard. There is even a gazebo in the back yard. The house is the last house on a dead end street, its all fenced in, there's a sunroom (which is just a back porch that's been screen in), and a propane fire place. The room that would be the baby's room is already blue, so that saves me some painting. The next couple weeks are going to be very stressful on my patience. Between waiting to hear about the loan, trying to see if the house is still for sale, Christmas coming up, baby coming out.... its just going to be hectic.Mom keeps telling me to suck it up and just be happy if we get a loan and go get any house we can. I don't want to do that. I don't want to live in a house I don't want or one that is in a bad area or something. I don't want a house with no yard, or one on a hill, or one with a neighbor so close I can touch their house just by leaning out my window. I don't want one that is falling apart, or on the wrong side of town where Lilly would have to change schools. I don't want one along the main road or one with only 2 bedrooms. I want to buy a house that I can live in for the rest of my life. One I am happy with and one I can see grand kids coming to. I want a house with just enough space, but its not too big. I would like to have a basement, but I can do without that. I want to live in a house with friendly neighbors and I do need at least 1 full and one 1/2 bathrooms. There are plenty of things I can deal with and things I can do without, but I'm planning on staying in whichever house we buy. I'm planting my feet there and I will grow. It needs to be a place where I CAN grow.Ok, enough of that. Hubby finally started his holiday shopping last night. Good thing too cuz he's kinda running out of time. He is busy all this weekend and working over all next week.From what I have heard, we are going to be hit hard with snow on Monday. I wish it would come on Saturday so I don't have to drive in it or worry about if Lilly is going to make it to school from her father's house. Real sad that I don't have her this weekend cuz there's a lot going on again. Fire fighter Christmas dinner, a birthday party and she has to help me wrap presents. I was planning on doing at least one or two a night until it was the day before Christmas Eve, then I'd wrap the rest, but I don't think that's how its going to happen. I think I'm going to go ahead and wrap up her doll house and put it under the tree. That is going to be from us, not Santa.

Your Pregnancy: Week 34~The nursery is almost done. You've stocked up on diapers. You're ready. And you're waiting. And waiting. And hopefully, if all goes well, you'll be waiting for another six weeks. So don't drive yourself crazy, use this time to enjoy being alone, with friends and with your partner. Because soon it'll be all about baby for a couple of weeks (months, years, whatever), and you'll wish you had this downtime back.

Your Body~You are exhausted from hauling your bod around all day, so why can't you sleep at night? Is it because your bladder keeps crying out to be emptied every 30 minutes? Is it because you haven't been able to find a comfortable sleeping position since week 27? Is it because your mind can't stop making lists of things to do or replaying that shocking video you saw in your birthing classes? Yes, yes, and yes. It might comfort you to know you're not alone. Seventy-five percent of women in their third trimester have trouble sleeping.

Certain sleep positions will help you to be more comfortable and sleep better when you're pregnant. If lying on your back is making you dizzy or lightheaded try sleeping on your side. If you feel like bugs are crawling all over your legs in the middle of the night, get your partner to change the sheets. Just kidding. You might have restless leg syndrome, which commonly affects pregnant women. But it's still a good idea to have your mate do some laundry.

Your Baby~Your baby kind of looks like she's coated in a layer of cream cheese these days. The thick, white substance that protects her skin from pruning in the amniotic fluid is called vernix. When she's born you'll probably see some vernix lingering in her "hard-to-reach" places like under her arms, behind her ears and around her va-jay-jay, if she's a she.. Other news from the womb this week:The soft fur, lanugo, that covered your baby's body for much of her stay in the womb is now almost completely gone. Your baby begins to develop her own immune system, instead of relying solely on antibodies received through the placenta. This will come in handy when some grubby relative manhandles the baby without washing his hands first.This week, your baby measures about 17¾ inches, as almost as long as an American Girl Doll (!) and weighs almost 5 pounds, as heavy as a bag of sugar, minus the cup you put in your decaf this morning.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Sleep wasn't really that much better. I did only get up 3 times, though. Had some more odd dreams. Mostly about the baby.We finally got our tree up and decorated. When me and Lilly got home yesterday hubby was putting the lights and garland on. Lilly then decorated the entire tree by herself and she did a great job. I had to leave to go to the dollar store to get some more hooks though. Hubby called me while I was in line to tell me he just found a bunch. So now we have extra. I was getting the thought that we needed to get some bulbs that matched. Like all red and gold, or blue and white, or purple and silver or something, but seeing the tree last night and everything we have to put on it and just the way it looked....it was wonderful and I wouldn't change it for a thing. We have a lot of personalized ornaments ~things I made when I was a kid, things Lilly has made, things we bought that have a lot of meaning. Hubby's ornaments he made when he was a kid are still hanging on his parents tree. My mom gave me all of mine when I moved out. We do have a snowflake with "2008" on it cuz that was our first Christmas as a married couple, Lilly has a couple that says "Baby's First Christmas 2005," I have a really old Santa that belonged to my great grandma, there are fireman ornaments, Dora ornaments, Princess bulbs, angel sun catchers...I love them all. I think I am going to make it a tradition to get at least one new ornament a year that best defines that year. Like this year, I could get something about a starting school for Lilly. Next year I'm getting a "Baby First Christmas" for this little one. Then the year after that I can get a family ornament with all 4 of our names on it or something. I even let Lilly wrap the first presents and put them under the tree. She wrapped my mom's and my step dad's. She did a fairly good job. I let her do it all by herself. All I did was cut the paper the right size and hand her the tape. She was so excited that she got to do it herself and that we have something under the tree already.Hubby keeps asking me what I want for Christmas and honestly I have no idea. I would like a new purse, but that's something you don't send a guy after. He would end up getting me the ugliest and least useful purse ever. He did say something about getting me a hand gun. I told him I'd really like to have a .25, but a .22 will do. Then he started talking about purses with the hidden pocket on the back for the gun. I'm excited about it. I told him that I already have planned out what I'm getting him for his birthday and Christmas for the next 3 years, he thought I was crazy. They are things that he has casually asked for but never really said he wanted, if that makes any sense. I have a good memory when it comes to things like that.Lilly goes to her father's today and I won't see her until Monday. I'm already sad about it. We did have a great time together. I finally got to do stuff with her on a weekend. It was great. We did so much. We went to a parade, we visited family, we went shopping, we went to parties, I took her to a friend's house so she could play, she got to play in the snow for a little bit, we put the tree up, she wrapped presents, she got to see Santa and tell him what she wanted, she got to see more of her friends on a Saturday and they had breakfast together and made ornaments.. we really had a great time. She is going to miss the fire fighter Christmas dinner with Santa and her step-cousin's birthday party cuz she will be with her father.I was invited again to watch the dress rehearsal of The Nutcracker this year. I though about bringing Lilly, but I'd have to leave work, go get her, come back to the city, but get her back home in time for bed cuz she has school the next day. Hubby said he'll be working late all next week so I can't really go cuz no one will be home for Lilly and I don't want to have her out so late on a school night. If I left in time to get her to bed at bedtime, we wouldn't get to see much.Weather was cold this morning, but the snow has stopped. It was 16 degrees outside when I got to work. Even though it was colder than yesterday, I wasn't really that cold today. I wore a short sleeve shirt. The temperatures are suppose to warm up in the 40's this weekend and its going to rain. No more snow until later next week.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Tree came up yesterday, decorate it today. Would have decorated it last night, but we spent most of the time trying to make room for the tree.I had a dream last night that we accidently had Christmas a week early. It took me by surprise cuz I didn't even have all the presents bought or wrapped or anything. I remember talking to Lilly after she opened all of hers and telling her that I have a big one for her at my work and will bring it home in a couple days. It was just horrible. How do you accidently celebrate a week early when your not even ready to begin with? I remember feeling so bad that I wasn't prepared and we went about it all wrong and ruined Lilly's Christmas. I also remember being so confused I didn't know what day it was until my dream was almost over.Had another dream last night that I was kind of a manager or coach or something for this one team that had all these violations and I was trying to figure out how to fix em. Wait...no...I think I was part of the team, like a player. We had shiny metal helmets that reflected the sun into everyone's eyes. I remember the blinding feeling when it went into my eyes.I didn't sleep well last night. My throat kept getting dry, so I had to get up for something to drink which caused me to go pee shortly after. My nose was stuffy, my legs were tingly and I even had a really bad leg cramp last night too. Those are happening more often than they should. Its almost an every night thing. Maybe I need to eat more bananas. I am just so exhausted today. I wish I could crawl back into bed and try to sleep again. Its getting to the point where I am just so wore out every day. I don't get any kind of energy until I'm already home from work. I have to force myself to get up and do stuff here at work. I ache all over and I'm just so incredibly tired.The baby is or has dropped already. I can see a big difference in the shape of my belly. He just turned head down last week. I can feel it when I stand or walk too. My cravings for coffee and milk have gone away. Now I just crave sleep.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Hubby was successful at locating all the Christmas decorations from my storage building. We will put the tree up today and decorate it tomorrow. He called me yesterday, "So, I found the red tote with all the decorations in it, but where's the tree?" Yeah, like I can sit here in my office and tell you exactly where it is. That 10x10 storage building is packed from floor to ceiling and wall to wall. If its not right there by the door, I have no idea. He found it, but I forgot to ask him where it was.So I realized yesterday that I don't really know what a real contraction feels like. Weird, right? I've been through the fake ones and those are kinda painful, but not unbearable. See, with Lilly I was induced a week early. The nurses gave me the drugs and as long as I kept an empty bladder, I couldn't feel a thing. The nurse would say, "Oh, that was a big one! You must have felt that one." Nope, I didn't. I was hooked up to this machine that measured the intensity of my contractions and how much pain I SHOULD have been in. But I didn't feel anything. I didn't really feel any pain until it was time to push and I only felt the horrible stretchy feeling pain on part of my left side cuz no matter how many times I pushed that button to release the drugs into me, it never reached my left side completely. That's what happens when you let an intern put it in. So, if I didn't feel any contractions with Lilly, what if I don't feel any with this one? How will I know when its time to go to the hospital since your suppose to time them? What if I don't know I'm in labor cuz my water didn't break? With Lilly, since I was induced, the doctor had to break my water. Being mostly numb all I felt was....warm....kinda like I peed the bed or something.I am a little worried about hubby. I would like for it to be just us in the delivery room, but I've been thinking that he might need a little support. He doesn't have a very strong stomach, for one. For two, he worries a little too much about certain things. I don't need him asking me if I'm ok every 5 seconds. I don't really want my mom in there this time. She wasn't much help last time and kind of annoyed me. I love my mom to death, but I don't want her in there this time. The only other problem is, I don't think I would feel comfortable with anyone else in there. I would like it if my bff would be in there, but there's just no way she will be able to come in from Virginia in time. That and I don't know how well she would handle it all either. I don't know what to do. I still need to talk to hubby about it. And I don't know how to tell my mom that I don't want her in there without hurting her feelings. I know she would be real hurt if hubby's sister went back and she didn't. There's still a lot to think about.School is on a 2 hour delay today. I don't really know why unless it due to the cold temperatures. The roads weren't bad at all. If I will drive on them, they aren't bad. I'm glad I don't really have to worry about things like that cuz Lilly goes to before and after school care. No matter if school is on a delay or closed or whatever, I still take her there every morning at the same time. My bff hasn't seen any snow yet, but she's not really THAT far away. She's only like 6 hours east of me. I took some pictures the other day and sent them to her.The baby is getting very active at night time. His elbows are hitting me in all the wrong places. It feels like he is seriously trying to crawl his way out. His feet don't bother me. Yeah, he kicks and moves and whatnot and knocks my ribs around, but its his hands and elbows and shoulders that are causing me all this extra pain.Oh, and its Pearl Harbor Day. Today marks the day that Japan attacked Pearl Harbor in 1941. I'm sure the Pearl Harbor movie will be on tv sometime today.

Monday, December 6, 2010

This is gonna be another long one.Haven't gotten my decorations yet, it snowed and mom wouldn't come out and meet me. I can't load my car myself, I was in need of my brothers. Why have so many brothers if you can't use them from time to time? If the tote wasn't so heavy, I would have done it myself, but I'm afraid if I lift anything over 10 pounds, the baby is gonna pop out. Hubby said he would go today after work and pick it all up. I'm so excited to get the tree up.

I did get registered for my baby shower at a few places. I did it all online so it saved me the time of walking around the stores and driving to the stores. I registered at Sears, Walmart, and Target. There are some really cute things on there. Hubby's sister found this one bedroom suite for the baby that was all in fire trucks. So cute. I also discovered that I am a big fan of the blue and brown stripes/stars. Found a lot of things I didn't even know existed and a lot of things I didn't have with Lilly when she was a baby. One is a bottle warmer. Never knew of such a thing. I just did it the old fashioned way. One of the bottle warmers came with a pacifier sterilizer. How cool is that? I also found some wipe warmers. I wish I had that with Lilly. She wasn't born during the winter though, but it is still kinda cold in March when she was born.

We probably got about 2 inches of snow so far. We got a lot, then it melted, then it snowed some more.Saturday, I took Lilly to the YMCA for breakfast with Santa. We ate pancakes, she got her picture, she did a craft and we left. Then, we went to the city for the big parade. It started at 10 and ended at 11:15. That was the first time I saw the city's parade. It was something. We parked at my work and walked a block to mall toward the beginning of the parade. She got cold, so we went in the mall and I got her some gloves and earmuffs before it all started. She got a lot of candy and had a lot of fun. But as the parade went on, the temperature kept dropping. She ended up with my jacket too by the end of it all and I let her keep it to walk back to the car. The first snowflake fell right as the last float went by. Talk about good timing!

After the parade we went to my grandma's to drop off my nephew's winter coat I bought him for Christmas. My uncle was there so I was going to have him go to my storage building with me, but I forgot my keys. Then I took her to K-Mart to pick out a toy for the birthday party on Sunday and the toy for the gift exchange at school...oh, and her Christmas dress. Its so cute. The dress she picked out is red velvet with white trim on the sleeves and on the bottom. It came with a little black belt too. Kinda like a santa dress. I'm gonna let her wear her snow boots with it since they are black.

Sunday, me and Lilly attempted to clean out her toys. I gave her these options~ Leave them out, put them under the bed in a storage tote, put them in the storage building to sort out later for yard sale or keep. I was trying to make room for the stuff she's getting on Christmas, but you can't even tell we did anything. I did get it better organized though and I think I may have made just enough room for the doll house. Then me, her and hubby took off to Walmart. We went in, got just a few things and went back out. My rear tire was flat on my car. So, we sat and waited for hubby's dad to show up with sealer and an air pump. We then went straight to the birthday part at the fire station community building. Instead of a cake, they make cupcakes that looked like ladybugs. The mom of the 2 year old made them. Hubby then left to finish working on my car, he said he pulled out two big pieces of metal out of the tire. Then some drama went down at the party with the family, but I won't put that out there. After the party, we head to hubby's parent's house just to hang out. They have their tree up and it looks real good.

My tire isn't flat today....yet. I forgot the air pump at the house. Tomorrow we should be able to decorate and put our tree up. I have no idea when I'm gonna go get hubby's last present, the back rack for his 4-wheeler. Its a gift that I'm gonna make from Santa, so I can't take Lilly with me, but I can't go get it until next pay day, which is on the 15th. I have Lilly that week and weekend. And I can't really go get it unless hubby's not gonna be home so I can just wrap it instead of trying to find a place for it to hide. I think I could just tell Lilly its from us and make something smaller from Santa so I can take her with me. I'm gonna have to probably take one of my brothers to carry it for me and get it up my steps.

My hopes of getting a house before Christmas is not gonna happen. Hubby hasn't made it to the bank yet to update his info. Even if he makes it this week, I don't see us getting the loan and getting everything settled so quickly. Yeah, it would be nice to celebrate Christmas in our new house, but as long as we have a bigger place before the baby comes, I'm ok. There's just no way we can have enough room for the 4 of us in that apartment. Its a tight squeeze as it is.

Had a doc appt Friday. Everything is fine. Blood pressure it 122/78. With Lilly my blood pressure was so high the doc's were worried. Maybe this low number has something to do with me not smoking this time. I told the doc about my pains and she said that he is head down now and that's why its hurting to walk. He has lodged himself right there between my hips. I can feel him elbow my hips every now and then. I didn't have any of this pain with Lilly, that's why I have been so worried. I need to stop comparing. But yes, he is head down. I think I am a week further along than the doc said. Everything is happening a week earlier and at 18 weeks he was a week heavier than he should have been. So, I'm taking things into my own hands and moving my due date from January 20 to January 13..... if I make it that long.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Is it just me or is this week flying by?Oh, the weird pains I'm feeling now!! Lets start off with this one~ I can no longer do much with my feet other than walk. Ok, I understand that doesn't really explain anything. I never noticed how much I push things with my feet or stuff like that....push drawers closed, push things across the floor, even pushing a door open. I can no longer do any of these things because there is this weird pain that feels like the baby is, well, coming out. I don't know how else to explain it. I can't even put my pants on standing up, ya know, one leg at a time standing on one foot. Yeah. I can't do that without this pain either. Its just a lot of pressure and then pain like I'm pulling a muscle that shouldn't be pulled.He's starting to make those movements again where it feels like he is shivering or something. I have a doc appt tomorrow and I really need to ask about this. I just wonder if he is having a seizure or something like that. Can unborn babies have seizures? That's not something you really hear about, so I don't know.Last night, I have no idea what the baby was doing, but he was laying very weird. I couldn't lay on my side, either side, all night. He was balled up or stretched out or something where he was making it impossible for me to find any comfortable position and I couldn't do anything but lay on my back. Every time I tried to roll over, I was basically laying on the baby. Not only did it cause me some odd pain, I didn't know if I was hurting the baby or not. I just assume that I was. I am a side sleeper, so I got no rest last night. Whenever I did finally get comfy enough to fall asleep, I had to get up to go pee. Then I had to go through it all over again with trying to get comfy. I have to go to the bathroom now about every hour. Sometimes I don't even have to pee, but the baby is just putting so much pressure in all the wrong places, that it does feel like I have to. I've heard from everyone that carrying a boy is way different than carrying a girl. I didn't believe them. I mean...how is that even possible. Its a baby. That's it, just a baby...but now....now I believe. Everything is different. Everything feels different.Aw man...I should have taken a picture of Lilly's nails after I painted them and decorated them. They are so cute. She's got purple nails now with animal stickers on them~ bunnies, pigs, owls, monkeys, dog prints, penguins, cats...so cute. She loved them. The first thing she did when I dropped her off at before school care was show her teacher her nails.I went all day yesterday without any heartburn at all. Its doubling up today.Hubby is back to working some horrible overtime. He didn't get home last night until Lilly was already asleep and that's probably how its going to be today and tomorrow. He said that they are working late so they don't have to work this weekend, but its not like it really matters. He said if he was off on Saturday he was going out hunting and we wouldn't see him anyway. Me and Lilly have breakfast with Santa on Saturday. Then, we are heading toward our storage building some 30 miles away (yeah, I could have gotten one close where I live now, but his storage building was close to where I use to live and it was cheaper than any other place) and mom is suppose to meet me there with one or more of my little brothers so they can get my Christmas decorations and the tree out in and in my car for me. Then, all of us are just going to hang out. I gotta go get Lilly a Christmas-y outfit or dress for her performance at school. Me, Lilly and hubby should be able to spend Sunday together. We do have a birthday party to go to.Hubby's family is planning a baby shower for me on January 2. Oh, what fun that's going to be. I would like it much better if it was just me, hubby's mom, sister, aunts and cousins and a few of his friends wives and girlfriends...but they invited EVERYONE they know. I only know like 10 people that was on the list.Just went with hubby to pick up our concealed weapon permits. Maybe that's what I can tell hubby I want for Christmas. A .25 revolver.....

Your Pregnancy: Week 33~You're large, but you most definitely don't feel in charge, since the baby seems to be completely taking over your body. Up several times a night to go to the bathroom? It's all just practice for getting up in the wee hours for feedings, changings and general fussiness. The one difference: Cuddling that babe in your arms for a feeding is way better than heaving yourself to the bathroom for the sixth time—in the dark

Your Body~At about this point you have probably begun to obsess over labor and delivery. You may have a vision of how you'd like the whole event to go: contractions are brief and painless and in one push out pops your baby to the background music of "Chariots of Fire." That fantasy is all well and good but it's important to be flexible and brace yourself for little surprises that may occur. Also, keep an open mind as far as medication and labor support go once you're in the thick of things.

Research your pain relief options. There are countless natural options in addition to medicinal options for managing labor pain. Now would be a good time to decide who you want in the labor and delivery room with you. We advise against inviting someone you may be embarrassed to see what's going on "down there."

You also might want to start thinking about what you are going to pack in your hospital bag. Don't forget your lip-gloss! When everyone wants to take a picture of you and the new babe, you'll thank us.

Your Baby~The big news this week is lung development—baby's respiratory system is almost completely mature. That means if your baby was born this week, odds are he'd be a healthy bouncing baby with a just a little help from his friends (aka, the NICU). Some of the specifics are:

Your baby can now detect light and tell the difference between night and day (of course that ability will miraculously disappear once he's born and up all night screaming). His pupils will constrict and dilate in response to light. If you shine a flashlight on your belly, your baby may shy away from the light as if to say, "Cut it out, Ma. You're soooo annoying."

The bones in your baby's skull are soft and are not yet fused together. In other words, now is not the time to teach him how to do a headspin while breakdancing. This pliability allows the bones to overlap; making that trip down the tight birth canal possible (and resulting in that surprising cone head look your baby will sport for the first few days post-birth. Don't worry, it's totally normal and that's what hats are for.)

Your baby will continue to pack on the pounds gaining around ½ pound a week from here on out.

Your baby weighs about 4½ pounds, as much as a grownup duck, and is approximately 17.5 inches long, about the same as a collarbone-length pearl necklace. (Did somebody say push present?)

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The first day of December has started out perfect.....its snowing!!!!! And I got to make an aggressive driver very upset. One of those people who will go as far as they can in the wrong lane and then cut over at the last second just to get in front of a few cars, you know the kind. Yeah, I wouldn't let him over. HA! We were stopped at a red light and I could tell that was his plan, so when it turned green, we both went...fast. We made it about a block before the next light started to change and I think he though I was going to run the yellow, so I stopped and that made him stuck in the wrong lane and it was too late now to get over. This was as far as my lane went. So he tried to squeeze in behind me, now taking up two lanes. So the light turns green and we head to the next 2 lane road. He gets behind me and rides my bumper until he decides he's ready to pass...he gets in the next lane to pass me and a car pulls out in front of him and he's stuck again. I block him in just to make him mad, but after a few seconds I journey forward. About a minute later, here he comes barreling down the road like he is trying to make a point, but it just makes me laugh. I turn before he gets to me.I got Lilly's dollhouse. Toys-R-Us had them on the website for $159.99 and they were fully furnished and everything. I went to the mall to the Toys-r-us in there, but they didn't have it, so I went to Kid Country Toys. I don't know how well known that store is. Anyway, I took out the pic I had printed off and asked. They had it, only it was $79.00 and only the dinning room was furnished. It did come with the parents and the twins and Lilly already has the big sister from something else. So I got the family room, living room, and a bedroom....and even with buying the rooms, it was still $20 cheaper than if I had bought if fully furnished. EDIT~ ok, for some reason I thought it was cheaper, but I didn't even buy all the rooms. I still have 4 more rooms to buy. I think I'm just going to add the nursery for the twins and then save the rest of the rooms for her birthday since its in March. I even got some dogs to go with it. I'm so excited. I have Lilly's big present now. And I know she will love it. She got EVERYTHING she asked for. She hasn't asked for much. She really wanted a pillow pet, then later suggested that a snuggie would be nice, then out of the blue she said she wanted a doll house. Check, check and check. Oh, and I got mom some misfit toys. She loves Rudolph and the misfit toys. One year I did get her the abominable snowman.Hubby's ankle is looking much better. He can now limp around without the crutches. Me and Lilly had plans to go to the grocery store and it was raining. It always rains when we plan to go grocery shopping. I did voice my concerns over decorating for Christmas to hubby and he said he feels the exact same way. He didn't like my suggestion of putting up my small tree instead of our big one, he said if we were going to decorate, we are going to do it right. I liked that. No shortcuts. So I told him that I would like to do it this coming Tuesday since I'll be going by my storage building on Saturday anyway and we will have Lilly. He said that was fine. He's going to go to the bank sometime this week to get his information updated for the loan. Remember, last time we tried he was unemployed...none of my info has changed, but he's got a good job now.Lilly surprised me last night. A commercial for Glee came on and she was so excited, she wanted to watch it. Apparently she watches it at her father's house. Doesn't really surprise me there, him and his gf were both in show choir in high school. So, I turned it on for her, but I guess it was boring cuz she went to sleep in 15 minutes. I should use that all the time to get her to sleep. She's been doing really well in school. Good grades, staying out of trouble, making new friends...she is having so much fun and I am so proud of her.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Finally found Lilly the dollhouse that I think she will love. She's never really had a dollhouse yet. I did get her a Barbie townhouse one year for Christmas, but it ended up in the storage building due to lack of space. I never had a dollhouse growing up and I always wanted one. I think she is old enough now to care for all those small parts. I'm actually super excited over this one. Its big, its fully furnished and it comes with the entire family. A mom, dad, big sister and baby twins. So cute. Its only $160. For all that and to see her expression, I would pay way more. So, come next pay day, I'm out to get that for her and hubby's thing for his 4-wheeler. I would do it all today, but (1) I'm out of space to hide things until I can start wrapping and putting under the tree (we aren't putting up the tree just yet, we have to see if we can get the house before Christmas first) and (2) I have to use what money I have left out of this pay check to pay off the rest of my medical bill. I do feel kinda bad. I don't know if I can explain it right, but I will try. I am super excited over Christmas and so is Lilly. It is our favorite holiday. I just really love the FEEL of it all and seeing everyone's face when they open up the present that I spent forever trying to find and make perfect. I love the smell of Christmas. Its just all so wonderful. Ok...back on track. I don't want to NOT decorate and get ready for Christmas, but at the same time I don't want to. I would like to wait to see if we can move before Christmas, but I don't want it to be the week before when we decorate, either. I don't see the point in decorating and putting up the tree and wrapping presents when we'll have to pick everything up, pack and move it. But I don't want to not decorate just because we are waiting on an answer for the house. I think it would feel like we aren't celebrating or something. Lilly keeps asking when we are going to put up our lights and tree and I don't really know what to tell her. I don't want to tell her we are waiting 'til we see if we get a house cuz then she will get excited about that and we might not get it. Does any of that make any sense?? Maybe we could put up just a few lights and one of our little trees until we know what's going on. That way we wouldn't have much to take down if we do get to move. And just not wrap until it gets closer to Christmas or we have an answer or whatever. I don't know. I need to talk it over with hubby. I think he will want to wait, but I don't think I can. Its our last year with Lilly as the only child and I want to make it extra special for her. Don't get me wrong....a house for a Christmas present...what could be any better than that?The cravings are starting to kick in. I'm craving coffee and milk, not at the same time though. Late at night I will want some milk and in the morning and sometimes evenings I will want coffee. With Lilly I craved hot sauce, Ranch dressing and ketchup....again...not together. I did and still do put hot sauce and Ranch dressing together. I like em in a salad like that.I'm not feeling particularly well today. I'm having aches in weird places. Not only am I aching on the inside, my hips, lower back, knees, and head aches. I can't breathe anymore either. I read that my sinus cavities will swell up. They've been swollen for a long time and my nose has been stuff, but I guess where the air is getting dry, its making it worse. I've been having nose bleeds too. The baby is also pushing on all the wrong things making breathing even harder. He even kicks and plays with my hip bones and ribs. I swear I can feel him tickling my bladder just to make me mad. I use to feel his hiccups near my right hip and nowhere else, but now its kinda moves and I can feel it in my back and right above my belly button.I had a sugar crash or whatever its called yesterday. My blood sugar got too low and I got sick, shaky and dizzy. I brought a Gatorade today just in case it happens again. I think I'm going to invest in a pack of it to bring from now on. Heartburn has calmed down a bit. Yeah, when I go buy 6 rolls of Tums, it basically goes away. Nice. Its very exciting though cuz tonight we are having tacos and I don't have to worry about breathing fire later. I also feel that if I stand up straight, I will topple over. I've noticed that I do stand/walk with a little arch now. I do have an almost constant dull headache right in the front around my forehead. My teeth also hurt. My gums have been swollen for weeks, which the doc said is normal. Ok, I understand that a lot of these aches and pains and discomforts are 'normal' but they still really suck and I think there needs to be ways to relieve or cure some of them. There really aren't. Doc says, drink more water, prop your feet up, take it easy, brush twice a day, stretch, go on small walks, take some Tums, eat more often but with smaller meals....I already do all of that. What else can I do? Grint my teeth and bear it remembering that I only have......what am I down to now....8 weeks?.......left and then I will have this little baby to hold in my arms and spit up on me. I can't wait! ^_^

Monday, November 29, 2010

Thursday...........sucked. I didn't get to see any of my family. Spent the whole day with hubby's family. He doesn't get it. He hasn't gone a holiday without his family yet, but I do it almost every time. I hate it.Friday was good. I got everything I intended on getting and then some. It rained, it snowed, it was cold...but really hot in the stores. It didn't seem as crowded this year as it was last year. We only waited in the check out line at Target for one hour this year instead of two. We did make a plan and a route, but it all went down the drain due to my bff's forgetfulness. The stuff I wanted at Walmart all went on sale at midnight and she thought that her stuff didn't go on sale until 5...but her's did indeed go on sale at midnight too. So, here's how things went....We started out at the Walmart next to my house, I got an excellent parking spot almost right in front of the doors. I grabbed the things I wanted, but was short one toy cuz the shelf was empty so I grabbed the next best thing. We ended up in a short line and then a lady in the line next to ours put her toy back that was the one I originally wanted, so I grabbed it up and put the other one down. How awesome is that?! (I got Lilly a Littlest Pet Shop playhouse, a Squinkie playhouse, some extra Squinkies, two winter coats and I don't remember what else) So, we head off to the major shopping area a few miles away. We drive close to Target and see the line is already horrible and the store doesn't open for another 3 hours and its raining. We get ready to park, but then a lightbulb went off in my bff's head and she grabbed for Walmarts ad. Then she started freaking out.So, off to the other Walmart close to Target we went to try to see if any of her stuff was still there........ it wasn't. We left and went back to Target and sat there in the car to make a plan. When it was almost time to open the doors, we went to get in line. It took us probably 45 minutes to get IN the door. We went even halfway to the doors yet and there was people that was already leaving with their stuff. They got in, got what they wanted...... 9 out of 10 times it was a tv.....and they left. Finally after getting drenched and freezing we made it inside. I ran to the housewares to secure her George Foreman grill while she went to the bathroom. I don't really even remember what we got at Target. I think I got some candy but I'm sure I got something else. OH....hubby's mom wanted me to pick something up for her there since she was still stuck at Walmart. And I know I got something else..oh well......moving on. After we wait in line for only an hour, we head off to Michael's for some good deals. I got a 100 piece art set and a couple paint things for real cheap. My whole order was less than $4. Then, off to K-mart...I think.I got Lilly a bunch of clothes at K-Mart cuz they were having the best sale. I got the baby some socks too. Then we went to Gabriel Brother's where I didn't get anything, but my bff did. Then to Dollar Tree where I found Lilly a dream catcher. I usually get my picture frames there, but I didn't know how many I needed and since they are always a dollar, I will get them later. Then to Big Lots where my bff found her big picture frame collage and I got Lilly some Hot Wheels cars. Then we went to Dollar General and picked up a few things and went out to eat. By this time my phone was dead. After we ate we headed to Magic Mart then to the mall. Wait...somewhere in there we stopped by a Rite Aid cuz they were having an excellent sale on their wrapping paper..... buy one get 2 free! Then off to the mall and back to Walmart next to my house...then home. It was about 4 pm when I got home. Charged my phone and went out to dinner with hubby's mom and sister. I started my day on Thursday at 7 am and ended my day on Friday at 9pm. There's only one more thing I really want to get and that's a rear rack for hubby's 4-wheeler. Might still get Lilly some things. If I find the right doll house, I'll get it for her and maybe a couple movies and a wii game. She doesn't really have a BIG present this year yet, so I'll be keeping my eyes open for that.

So, hubby went out hunting while I was out shopping. He came home broken. He jumped out of his tree stand and twisted his ankle. Its all purple and swollen and probably sprained or fractured or something, but he won't go see a doctor. I went with him Saturday evening to drop off the deer, we went home and got cleaned up then went out to Friday's to eat. We were going to go see a movie, but we had so much time left, we went to Walmart so he could take a look around. He rode on one of those motorized wheel chairs. We fought all night with the crutches. When we made it back to the car, I decided he should just go home and prop his foot up with some ice and he couldn't argue....I was driving.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

So, I'm not going to be here to post anything tomorrow or Friday. I still might see how to go about posting from my phone. I need to figure that out before maternity leave anyway that way I can at least post pics of the baby....or try. I don't know how to go about doing that unless I directly email the picture to my blog. I don't know. I'll just have to figure it out.No new news on my cousin just yet. Mom hasn't woken up to give me an update if she has one. I want to go see her today if she's still in the hospital, but I don't know if I'm going to be able to. I'll still try.Lilly's heading off to her father's today. I took an extra long time to tell her bye this morning. It still breaks my heart every time she goes. I thought that having all this extra time with her would make our departures a little less teary eyed, but I think they are getting worse. I just can't believe that I'm not going to see her until Monday after I get off work. I wish I could have her all the time. It wouldn't be fair to him though, or to Lilly really. But I do stuff with her. I play with her and do crafts with her. We talk, we cook, we clean, we walk, we play, we run, we watch movies all cuddled on the couch, we do so much together. She really is my mini me. When I get her back after she's been down there, all she does is complain cuz daddy won't play with her and his gf made her eat something she didn't like.Ok, while I'm sitting her crying, I'm going to change the subject to help dry my eyes out.2 days 'til major shopping! I won some money off the radio yesterday, so that's going to help out a little. I just hope I can do it. My stomach has been hurting more the past 2 days. The stretchy, ripping feeling is getting worse and the baby keep moving around causing me a lot of pain. He's been pushing down a lot to. I don't know if he's stretching and that's just they way he chooses to stretch or what's going on, but it hurts and it brings me to my knees sometimes. I just hope that the pain will be bearable on Friday and I won't be too tired. I don't want to have to quit shopping in the middle of a good sale just cuz I'm exhausted. I'm hoping my body will hold out just long enough for me to get everything done. I am going to try to sneak in a little nap this year. In past years, we just stay up and head out, but with the extra strain on my body this year, I told my bff that I need to try to nap so see if that will help me make it through the day.I don't get to see Lilly at all this year on Thanksgiving. Hell...I don't know if I get to see any of my blood family this year or not. I still have no clue what's really going on. I know we are going to hubby's sister's to eat, but I don't know what I'm doing after that. If I go visit some of my family, they would have already eaten and probably gone home...so I don't know where I should go and who I should visit. Everyone lives so far away from everyone one else. My brother above me and my brother under me both have to work. And if I do get to go see someone, I don't know if I'm going to get my nap in or not. I did promise my little brother that if he didn't get to eat somewhere after work, I'd bring him something. He's been dying for some apple pie.So hopefully I will survive Friday. Oh, maybe I need to make a shirt that says "I survived Black Friday." LOL

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

My cousin went into early labor last night. Last I heard they got everything stopped. She is a just a couple weeks behind me making her about 3 1/2 early if she does deliver. If she is still in the hospital tomorrow, I'm going to go see her after work. She lives about 25 miles west of me, but I don't know that area at all. I'll have to mapquest her. When mom called to tell me, I was about to go tell my boss that I was leaving and go to the hospital that was only a couple blocks from my work, but then mom told me which one she was at. I thought about going today, but I don't see them letting Lilly in and I don't want to miss my last day with her before she heads off to her fathers. (letting him get her a day early so she can spend all Thanksgiving with him) But so far, my cousin is doing fine. She is my favorite cousin out of the million that I have. Mom and her two sisters were all pregnant at the same time with me, this cousin and one other one. The cousin that is pregnant (Katie) was born 4 months before me and my other cousin (Beth) was born 2 days after me. We grew up together and was very close, until we reached about 12ish. When I was pregnant with Lilly, Beth was pregnant with her first too. She had him about 2 weeks before I had Lilly...and now I'm pregnant with my second one and Katie is having her first. I do hope they get everything stopped and she carries full term. I know how scarey it all is. Good thing is that her boyfriend works in the hospital she is at, so he can see her and be there with her even while he's working.My little one is way more active and is getting strong. He is at the point where he hurts when he gets moving around. He is getting on a good sleep schedule though. He's awake before I get to work around 6:30, then he's up again around 10:00, then he's usual quite still until about time to go home at 4:30 and then he's up again after I eat dinner. Oh, I shouldn't have been making a list.....its 1:15 and he's up.Didn't really get to do much with Lilly yesterday. Some stuff I ordered online came in and we went through it and we played cars with a fire station. We looked though a magazine, too. Didn't see hubby at all yesterday. He called me while I was thawing dinner to tell me that he was running a fire call. Metro called out his ATV team to go down the road to get a guy that was in the woods hunting who shot himself. Do people not understand gun safety? I had to go through this week long gun safety class before they would even give me a hunting license. So after he went and did that, he got home around 10:30 and I was already in bed. Its been so long since we've actually spent any time together. He's been working a lot of overtime and he mentioned something about it Sunday and I told him that I'd like to see him every once in a while and he said that he's just trying to make some money. I'd rather see him at least every other weekend or him be home for dinner a couple days out of the week. If he's not working, then he's at the fire station or at his parents house or something. I couldn't tell you the last time we had a decent conversation that didn't involve what's on tv. I miss him. This time of the year is really hard on me cuz a couple years ago we had a big falling out and I moved out and into my own place for a few months. Every time we get to this time of the year, my brain reminds me of everything that happened and him not being around makes it especially hard on me. I am saddened that it took me moving out to get him to grow up though. Hopefully he'll get to be home a little soon. He's going out hunting Friday and Saturday. I don't know about Thursday. Maybe he'll get to be home the next weekend I keep Lilly.Just a couple more days and I'm down to 8 weeks left!!!!!!! Black Friday in 3 days, Thanksgiving in 2 days, apply for a loan to a house in 8 days (if hubby can get off work to do it), and 4 1/2 weeks 'til Christmas!!!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Weekend was pretty good. It was the first weekend in a long time that I got to hang out with Lilly. We cleaned the house...man, did we clean. Its been a long time since I've seen the family room or the bathroom that clean. She is a really good helper. She also helped me lose some weight with our hour long walks straight uphill. I was gaining weight a little too fast there for about a week.I put my cell phone on my tummy last night to watch the baby kick it. I had hubby watch and his reaction, "That's kinda weird." Then I said..."Doesn't it look kinda gross." "Yeah...it really does." The baby wasn't just kicking, he was rolling over. It wasn't little bumps, you could seriously see him. My stomach was rising and falling like....well.....like there was a baby rolling over in there.I've also been using Lilly to kinda help me 'train' for Black Friday. This is going to be the first year that I go where I'm all pudgy and waddling and in pain like this. I've been using our long walks and our days together to get ready. If I stand for too long, my hips hurt. If I walk for too long, I feel pressure like he's going to plop out. And almost all day, every day, I have the stretchy feeling and my back is hurting. Well...I'm seriously trying to get my body ready for the fun torture that is Black Friday. She also helped out by not letting me sleep in. I've got to get my body ready for little to no rest on top of all the walking, standing, and rushing around. I've also got a maternity shirt ready and picked out that I'm going to wear that clearly says in big black letters, "BABY" so hopefully I won't get pushed around and elbowed in the belly and maybe, just maybe someone will feel a bit sorry for me and let me jump them in line. Oh, big hopes.On our walk yesterday I let Lilly pick 20 minutes into it if she wanted to head back to the house, or go down this one side road. She wanted to keep going, so we went down the side road. About another 20 minutes we turned around to head home, and that's when she started to complain. She likes to go and go until she can't go anymore, but then she can't go home. It was kinda funny. I told her I can't carry her home this time. (One time I gave her a half an hour piggy back ride all the way back home, up hills, down hills.) She said, "Yeah, but you didn't even carry me ALL the way back home that time. You had to keep putting me down and resting for a little while." And then when we were about 15 minutes from the house she wanted to stop and rest. We did and I said, "You are young and able, mommy is pregnant and in pain. You can do it!" Trying to put a little encouragement in her, but she came back with this, "Yeah, mommy...I AM young, but I'm not able." I asked why not and she said, "Cuz my name is Lilly not Able!!" I guess she got me there.