It’s really difficult when you find out that the person you care about is cheating on you. The first thing to remember is that it is never your fault and you have done nothing to cause this. Men who cheat are taking advantage of their dominant role in society and availing of male privilege that enables them to cheat easily and without repercussion. However, we believe that if women can identify, avoid, and stop enabling this behaviour, men will have to change.

Anything anyone says could potentially be a lie; but based on our personal experiences and field research, we have compiled common LIES used by cheaters in the first of a 3-part series revealing the habits and behaviours of men who cheat. Part 2 is BEHAVIOUR PATTERNS & OTHER EVIDENCE, followed by the final part, PSYCHOLOGY.

How to Tell if Your Man is Cheating on You Part 1: LIES

We’ve noticed that cheaters generally use a combination of basic, one-liners, and elaborate lies involving multiple people and locations that may be difficult to comprehend or believe. However, lies generally fall under one or more of the following categories:

Note: We are aware of the fact that the use of the following phrases may not always be dishonest. However, we have irrefutable evidence that the real life examples below have been used in cases of infidelity. Remember: actions speak louder than words and the identification of lies is part of a process which should also include analysing other behaviours.

1. General Non-Specific Lies

I had to do a few things

I’ve been busy

I had to pick something/someone up

Shit hit the fan

Madness, trust me.

You don’t know what I’ve been through

I had to sort something out

I had to leave town for the weekend

2. Family/Friend-Based Lies

I’m looking after my children

I’m chillin with my cousins/bredrin/homies

I’m with my parents/grandparents for church/Sunday dinner

My friend needs some help /car broke down/is going through drama

3. Work-Based Lies

I’m just at home writing/working

I’m in/going studio

I’m working late/really tired/busy at work

I’m going away for a trip/training course/weekend

4. Mobile Phone-Based Lies

My phone was off/on silent

I lost my phone/My phone broke

My battery died

My battery’s broke/The battery fell out my phone

I lost my SIM/My SIM card’s broke

I didn’t have/lost my charger/my charger’s broke

I’m out of minutes

I’m out of credit

I don’t keep my phone on me

I didn’t check/hear/see my messages/missed calls

I didn’t receive the message/missed call

I don’t do phones

I don’t like technology

Note: A Brother of Resistance once said to us, “Sistas, if any of these excuses were true, the streets of every city would be full of broken phones and lost SIM cards.” Laugh if you want. But he’s right.

5. Lies of Affection

We are not saying these are *always* lies; we are saying that they have been used frequently and in various combinations by men who were cheating. Men who cheat often tell women what they think we want to hear.

These may take place in daily texts, e-mails, FB messages, BBMs, or face-to-face contact. Warning: their frequency and/or intensity does not mean they are not lies.

You’re so beautiful/pretty/sexy/hot or creative/intelligent/special/exceptional (These are all true. You are these things otherwise he wouldn’t be saying them. But be cautious if he makes you feel like he’s the only person who thinks like this, and don’t rely on him for your self- esteem.)

I want you to be my girlfriend, so I’m going to start being honest with you

I love you (but doesn’t show it)

6. Lies About the Future

This is the largest section of lies, because Lies About The Future cannot be disproven. However, in our experience, these are lies because they rarely ever come true, and are usually attempts to please or placate you so you believe future lies.

I’ll holla at you later/call you back (This is perhaps the most common lie. Ever.)

I’m gonna come see you soon (2nd most common lie.)

I’m going to take you out (for a meal/dance/rave/concert/cinema)

I’m going to pay you back

I want to move in/live with you

I want you to move in/live with me

I’m gonna take you on holiday

I’m going to take you to meet my mum/children/family

I want to marry you

I want you to have my kids

I want to run away with you

I want to spend my life with you

I never wanna be with anyone else

I’m going to start treating you how you deserve to be treated

You know you’re wifey material, I’m going to start treating you like it

I’m going to leave my girlfriend/wife for you

I want you in my life forever

I can’t imagine my life without you

I need you in my life

I need you — you can make me a better person

7. Lies About Other Women

It should be noted that these are attempts to divide us as women and only work if we allow them to play us off against each other. We are stronger if we don’t let them.

Exceptionally skilled cheaters might appear to be slightly honest about their relationships with other women in their attempts to deceive you. Don’t fall for this either.

I talk to her/I see her sometimes but I don’t fuck her

We’re just friends (very common)

She’s my cousin/friend’s baby mum/work colleague

I was only talking to her to promote my music/because of work

She’s my ex, but I really like you (followed by any combination taken from the “Lies of Affection” and/or “Lies About the Future” section)

Me and my ex are my having problems/going through a rough time

Me and my girlfriend are growing apart

Me and my girlfriend always argue

She don’t understand me, you’re different/special

I think I’m gonna split up with her — she might not be my girlfriend/wife soon…

I got locked in a hotel room overnight and had to break the door down (WTF?!?)

9. Lies Upon Being Found Out

As lying, cheating men are most desperate to maintain their lies upon having been found out, in this scenario, expect to see them use all of the above types of lies in combination. We have noticed a large overlap between Lies About Other Women and Lies About Being Found out. For example: “She’s lying cause she’s jealous” is a common example of both. Also, “My friend used my phone to send that text to his girl” is an example of a Mobile Phone-Based Lie, a Family/Friend-Based Lie and has also been used as a Lie Upon Being Found Out.

When you confront cheating men they may become angry and/or violent against you and others. They often try to blame you for their actions and have also been seen to go completely silent and refuse to answer any questions. These are all signs that they are lying. If they try to evade questions, change the subject or make you back down, they are cheating.

She’s lying cause she’s jealous

She’s lying cause she wants to take me away from you

She’s just a friend/cousin/friend’s girlfriend etc

My friend used my phone to send that message

My friend is cheating on his girlfriend and he did it

What did you expect me to do? You were too busy for me/always stressin me/on your feminist thing (or in any way tries to make it your fault. These are all LIES).

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83 Comments

Thank you for your comment. Unfortunately, at this time, we are not able to provide a forum for this line of debate on our blog. This is because our views are rarely heard, and we prefer to use our vital energy to create a space of resistance to patriarchy. We wholeheartedly refute your comment that we are being sexist, or as you say “derogatory towards men.” Your argument relies on a logical fallacy called tu quoque (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tu_quoque) which, in the context of patriarchy, is frankly ridiculous. We simply do not have the time to engage with you in a lengthy debate.

We write simply to acknowledge and respond to your comment. We will not be posting your reply.

My husband said one day, “Theres nothing you could have ever done that would make me not mant to be with you”………. lmao…. I thought we were making progress, we had been seperated and I moved back in. this specific day, we had gone to his Gmas funeral, seemed like we were having a moment. Ya right. We discussed the need to clear the “Air” and be honest about any mistakes we may have made. So i spill my guts. he comes up with this obvious bullshit story. he had been working in another state, started ignoring my ph calls, etc. His M.O. is Ignore, blameshift, Pick a fight, belittle, gets too defensive, hangs up, then ignores ne for a couple days, finally calls home and is over the top nice. The first part of his very obvious lie was, ” I never told you that Paul and I drove to Vegas, ( From Utah) like 6 hours, only to watch the superbowl, then drove all the way home, same day. reality He actually stayed in Vegas because I called the Hotel. Get This….. the room he stayed in, only had one bed, they hotel had me as the one checked in, all my comps were gone. I was in Wa. he had picked a huge fight two before he would have went, blamed the lack of communication, saying his brand new I phone wasnt working, but it worked fine every other time.anyway, after 2 days he calls me at 6am, acting wierd, whispering and finally willing to transfer money. Deep down i didnt believe him but i wanted to. So I flew down to see him in Utah, he starts to tell me that there had almost been a female companion. He said she was the waitress ar red robin, where he and paul ate every day. So he says she got brave and slipped her number in his lunch and proceeded to say that he gave the number to paul, who is old, balding, heavy set etc. ans that she went and slept with Paul. bullshit, no way did she just settle for the old fat friend, instead of my hot Husband. NOWAY She was his date in Vegas, I feel it . .., We drove to Vegas and I told him I didnt believe him. I also told him that he was confessing in a round about way, blameing his infidelities on his friend, so he could say it out loud, he would acknoledge his actions without really having to be honest. when I asked What her name was he said he couldnt remember her name or the city he lived and worked in for 9mo. he knew i would call her and ask myself. Im finding out more and more now, he has lied to me for 15years, he is nothing but a liar, selfish, selfabsorbed, egomaniacal pathetic coward. He has repeated the same behavior patttern as he is working in Mexico, same M.O. only now hw divorced me, literally abandoned me and my kids, left us without money, power, food, i lost my house, lost everything. and he refuses to speak to me. his guilt is so bad that ive spent the last year getting beat severly, forced into isolation, im humiliated, lost, alone. he broke my heart, devasted my kids, made sure my 2 boys know they werejust his” step kids”. 15years i gave my heart and soul to him and ive learned it was all a lie. I loved him unconditionaly, never gave up. for me he was the love of my life, my soulmate. Only a coward abandones the only people that love him for a hooker in another country. Im far from perfect, i admited that I cheated, not ok at all, my husband ignored me all the time, withheld, time, love, attention, affection, intimacy. held it all just out of my reach, knowing all i wanted was him. I needed to feel something, to be wanted, to feel special. im not proud of my actions. im such a wreck now i dont know what to do, im homeless, no income, no car, nothing. He makes 200,.000.00 plus year, bought both his kids beamers, etc and tossed the rest of us like trash. Who does that? im so not having a pity party. someone always has it worse. But this hurts and its very real to me and my boys, who thought of him as their dad. I Hope he can see what ive written, so DEAR COWARD, IM SO ANGRY THAT I ALLOWED YOU TO BE AN EXAMPLE OF A MAN FOR MY KIDS. THEY ARE AMAZING, RESPECTFUL LOVING KIDS THAT LOVED YOU FOR YOU. HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME BUT ESP THEM, THEY ARE ALREADY BETTER MEN THEN YOULL EVER BE, EVEN AT 15 AND 18 YEARS OLD. YOU ARE THE MOST PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING, YOUR NOT EVEN A MAN. YOU HIDE BEHIND THE BORDER AND YOUR MONEY, YOU ARE A COMPLETE LOSER AND YOU DO NOT EVEN DESEARVE TO BREATH THE SAME AIR AS MY BOYS. IN THE END YOULL BE OLD AND ALONE, YOUR MONEY WILL NOT LOVE YOU BACK OR HOLD YOUR HAND WHEN YOU TAKE YOUR LAST BREATH OF LIFE. SHAME ON YOU. LOVE IS A GIFT AND FAMILY IS A BLESSING. I WONT EVEN GIVE YOU MY HATE. YOUR NOT WORTH IT, I ACTUALLY FEEL SORRY FOR YOU. ONE DAY YOULL STOP AND WONDER WHY NO ONES THERE, THE ONLY VOICE YOULL HEAR IS YOUR OWN AND THE SILENCE WILL ECHO” SORRY YOUR TOO LATE”. WHEN KHARMA COMES BACK AROUND YOU JUST PAUSE AND REMEMBER, YOU TOOK LOVE FOR GRANTED AND SOLD US OUT FOR SOME HOOKER AND A FEW BUCKS, YOUR ACTIONS WILL NOT BREAK US, IT ONLY MAKES US THAT MUCH STRONGER, YOU ARE WEAK AND TOO IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF. SO YOU AND YOURSELF HAVE A FAB. TIME, I WANT TO LIVE NOT JUST BE, I LIVED MY LIFE FOR YOU AND GAVE UP ON ME, I BREATH BUT IM NOT ALIVE, JUST EXSISTING, NO MORE. LOL. ULL NEVER HAVE REAL LOVE AGAIN. YOUR TOO STUPID. LIFE IS GOOD. WE WILL SURVIVE YOU. LOL YOUR NOT WORTH ANOTHER MIN OF MY TIME. IM TAKING THIS AS A BLESSING IN DIGUISE. WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES ANOTHER OPENS AND IM GLAD IT WONT BE YOU STANDING ON THE OTHER SIDE. BY ALL MEANS PLEASE DRINK THE WATER IN MEXICO. ASTA LaVISTA!!!!!!!!……………..Thank you all for allowing me to vent. Sorry for going on and on. i had to let it go tho and now i feel awesome.

Bachelorette: You are 1o0% right ! Well said. I have an ex who you described to a T! So I feel your pain. Hope you have moved on to greener pastures. And i hope he is sitting in a big pile of cow shit! haha! OLE!

Your comments were fine more comments need to be heard like this I applaud you for this Hurray for you if you didn’t vent you wouldn’t be true to self and that you are now your true love awaits …. oh he’s coming you had to get that old hep of shit out your road which was blocking you. God bless you and your kids.

OK the guy I’m seeing cheated on his ex with me and didn’t tel me they were still together I got pregnant… Then shortly after she became prego… They are no longer together says he hasn’t been with her since she got pregnant we have been trying to be together he says he wants to be with me and for me to move in are daughter is now 10 months old and I go and stay with him on the weekends but I’m afraid to move in… He always hides his phone never will let me hardly even make a phone call on it… But yet he will go Thur my tablet looking for stuff I’ve been doing which is nothing… And he will disappear sometimes and I’ll try and try to call him and text him and he never answers till the next mourning but yet says I’m the one doing something CUZ I’m flipping out on him… He acts really shady he even got a phone call the other day and walked out of the room to answer it do u think he’s a cheater and I should just leave him alone!!

Dear sistas,
congratulations on another great post which, like the previous ‘letter to male activists’, is clearly written right from the heart.
Two question that come to mind:
1) it’s clear from the nature of some of the lies and the language used to transcribe them that these are lies being told by a specific group of men in terms of attitude/social background. How far do you think this analysis extends to other backgrounds? Have the sistas or their friends experienced being cheated on by middle class (for want of a better word) guys? If so do they use the same lies?
2) where do lies such as “I’m going to leave my girlfriend/wife for you” position the sistas as far as cheating is concerned? If cheating is so hurtful shouldn’t we all try not to be the other party in a cheating relationship?
thanks for your response

1) We are sure that middle class men do use many of the same lies albeit like you say in a different vernacular. Work-based Lies and Mobile Phone-Based lies for instance are equally applicable to men of all classes (while Extenuating Circumstance Lies involving “beef” and police arrests etc are less so).
2) That particular example was taken from a sister of ours who is involved in said situation. We have never been in such a situation ourselves for the reasons you highlight. However, we stand in solidarity with sisters who have been manipulated and tricked in this way. We are not talking about men who were honest about their other relationship straight up. We are talking about men who fiend love and intimacy and then AFTER sex, after a relationship to which the sister has become emotionally and psychologically dependent has arisen, THEN the lying cheating man in question reveals this other relationship, which he claims he is unhappy in and is going to end soon, to be with the sister who he claims he really loves among other lies. We hope this has cleared up your questions?

P.S As one of the original Sisters of Resistance vistors and some one who commented when we had our old layout, how do you like the new blog design? We LOVE it!

as for the response to 1), I’m sure you’re right. Maybe in the interest of research you need to diversify the palette of men you have experience with..? you could think of it like affirmative action, but for middle class men😉
2) that is again sad but understandable. On a more general note, do you think that relationships even should be monogamous overall?

also yes, new design looks great! I have also switched layout of c0rin.com to make it more straightforward & accessible, it’s good policy I think.

What we have found in our field research is that these kinds of identifying factors and accompanying demographic backgrounds have a strong tendency to influence the political viewpoints, or lack thereof, of our potential partners. This being the case, we have found ourselves more likely to meet on common ground with partners who are already aware of, or have experienced, some type of systemic oppression. If they have not, however, key to diversity in the partner palette would be the openness of a potential partner to discussing, learning, and being changed in a positive way by the understanding of these types of issues that we believe concern us all. If they come up affirmative in that area, then it’s possible they might see some action (when we are not practicing celibacy for sanity, that is)!

2. In regards to monogamy, the stance of the sistas is that the boundaries of committed romantic and intimate relationships between consenting adults (whether single, married, exclusive/monogamous, polyamorous, etc.) should not be defined by institutions such as the state, any mass media, the wedding industry, or, in the US, insurance corporations, the definitions of which no doubt have an influence on the way we view the subject and consequently the way we envisage our romantic lives.

Instead, I believe that commitment to a lover/partner is a deeply personal issue and as such its boundaries can and should only be decided between the persons involved. To answer your question more directly, if people choose to be exclusive with one another in a monogamous relationship, then it’s not up to me or anybody else to approve or disapprove of their chosen form of commitment. But in my experience and the lives of those around me I have observed innumerable instances of monogamy’s failure as a model. Perhaps this is due in part to the stringent boundaries and expectations that come along with it, from sexual exclusivity and jealousy to long-term relationships leading to marriage and children, a patriarchal nuclear family, etc. High rates of infidelity throughout the history of monogamy and rising rates of divorce in places where it is legal may even be testament to the model’s failure.

As an alternative, I believe the polyamorous lifestyle, from my understanding, is by nature a more fluid model that better takes into account the wide spectrum of human sexuality, desire and circumstance, all the while challenging what I see as the deeply flawed monogamist notions that love is a limited resource and that an individual can and should serve to satisfy all of another’s emotional/sexual/relationship needs. With polyamory, multiple simultaneous long-term commitments are possible, and thus, the very nature of the commitment is a reminder that love is a constant practice, whereas with the normalised nature of monogamy, this may not be the case. I embrace the idea put forth by the polyamorous community that there exists a kind of opposite to the emotion of jealousy, called compersion, or the idea that your lover’s lover enhances your lover’s life rather than draws away from yours. Also, for those who would say “But what about the children?” I would respond that in a polyamorous partnership, the trust network can extends beyond the biological parents, which may enable larger and perhaps more stable familial structures. For a deeper intro to polyamory, check out The Ethical Slut book and Wiki article (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ethical_Slut). We will be adding this to the resources page soon, along with a lot of other stuff on sexuality that’s still missing.

NOTE: I would like to highlight that the concept of polyamory, like monogamy, still currently exists in a highly sexist, patriarchal context. Because of this, it can and has been easily co-opted to give straight men further license to womanise/sleep with/”commit” to as many women as possible. I would like to state for the record that this type of appropriation is neither being condoned nor promoted in the above discussion of a polyamorous lifestyle. Honesty, openness, commitment and trust are major components of a polyamorous lifestyle. Also, polyamory is NOT, I repeat NOT, polygamy (big difference).

A final thought: a bit more evidence, if you like, that polyamory is a revolutionary notion, is that it keeps coming up on this post as misspelled. The word simply doesn’t exist in the WordPress app dictionary. I honestly love it when they don’t know what to do when they can’t box us in. Even more reason that a Sisters of Resistance Glossary is in the works and soon to come.

This post was the subject of a discussion on FB which was so interesting and thought provoking we thought it would be worth sharing here:

‘Honest’ Man: you know the thing that gets me about the valid lies uve pointed out, is that wen a decent man uses 1 or more of these lines an its the truth, fool fool bwoys have used them 2 decieve an kanive, which has now tainted the womens mind….making her suspicious of the decent geeza lol……pisses me off, coz now the decent guy has 2 work hard 2b believed thru no fault of his or the women involved!! PUNKS!!

Sista Resista: and the women have to work hard to determine who’s a liar and who’s a decent guy!! i think we must also consider the frequency and ease with which these lies are developed and used…especially the weird ones, which can often point to suspicious behaviour.

‘Honest’ Man: ‎2 true, with u 100%. it may have sounded like i was saying ‘poor decent guy’ an was 2 apoint lol, im a victim of the fool fool bwoys of the world lol but really its like u say harder 4 the women 2 differentiate between crafted lies an honesty out the mouth of a guy.
Sista Resista: imo it is all about actions and making sure they match up with the words🙂 can’t take most of what is said at face value, no matter how sweet it might be. a hard lesson to learn! but over and over, learn it we do.
‘Honest’ Man: true again, its sad that we’ve got 2 the point were sweet nice words, compliments, an sometimes even honesty is viewed with tainted glasses! how did the fools of the world get so much power over the hearts of the genuine? we have 2 learn it an learn it well, an b vulnerable, 2 get the rewards of love!
Sista Resista: I would like to think that genuine people would say things that are more original than what is in the list of lies, but not as far fetched as the exceptional circumstances. like specific compliments rather than just “hey sexy” or an explanation of the circumstances surrounding your absence rather than just a vague “i had a few things to do.” of course i understand this may not always be the case, but it would help a lot with the task of having to distinguish the real from the fake.

‘Honest’ Man: always helps the truth 2 b believed if the truth teller is transparent. these guy have got 2 stop with the smoke an mirrors act their not david copperfield hahaha or any government round the world lol

It has been brought to our attention that General Non-specific Lies, Extenuating Circumstance Lies and some of the other Lies appear to target a specific type of man from a particular social, economic or ethnic background. We would like to therefore remind our readers that Sisters of Resistance is an anti-imperialist, anti-racist blog.

Not only do we wholeheartedly reject the racist stereotyping of majority world men, men of the African diaspora, Arab, Asian, Latino and indigenous men, we also hope, through the course of this blog, to actively undermine it.

We would therefore like to reiterate that we believe that all men can cheat, and that white men are just as likely (if not more due to their racially as well as sexually privileged position in society) to be unfaithful.

Additionally, we are aware that the title “How to Tell if Your Man Is Cheating” may appear to oversimplify matters in the manner of many women’s magazines. This was intentional, as we know that this title is compelling for a variety of reasons, and we wanted reach the widest demographic possible with a more radically content-rich article than any that could be found in a typical women’s mag. You clicked on it, didn’t you?

So is my husband I am Soo tired of this shit. It hard for me because I have two kids from him has no shame what’s Soo ever doesn’t care about my hurting inside when he lies about his stupid porn sluts or dating site. I definitely want of divorce the only thing that stopping me is my two boys hearts going to be broken into little pieces. I feel lonely that a have fake phoney husband. Unhappy wife

I was seeing a male who argues when ever u ask him a question says he has too much on he’s mind calls me a nobody child swears all in txt cause he couldnt tell me to my face that for the last 6 mth he as been seeing some 1 else

My name is jane,my boyfriend said that the affection he has for me is lust after nine years of courtship.although he didn’t sleep with me,but he do romance me.now he said we should go our seprate ways.but i stil love him .and now he has another girl friend .what should i do?am confuse.

My now ex boyfriend told me so many lies that to start with i couldnt work out what was the truth ! Now I can see him for what he is , i recently de friended him from facebook but before i did i had seen him add about 12 new friends – mostly female ! Makes me feel literally sick to think about it as he had always tried to ‘seem’ so innocent yet his actions told me a different story ! Horrible for someone to even worry they’ve been cheated on because trust is such a precious thing ! Well I got rid of him and hes trying to get me back all the time – but I dont trust him , his phone was always locked yet i sometimes glimpsed womens names on it . One time a girl called ’em’ called whilst i was with him – he said it was his male friend using his girlfriends phone ! Why would a guy do that ? They repeatedly called three times in a row ! As i write this it really upsets me because I feel so hurt , yet im very relieved that I got rid of him and I can start again .
I guess some men are decent and some aren’t – from now on I will be ALOT more discerning !

I love my man with all my heart, but I feel stupid when I find photos of naked x girlfriends in his phone, or his x wives pics. in his computer that he supposively no longer has. Or when he says, “he” through out an intire conversation, well, “he” is really a she. Text messages, and phone history, for some strange reason don’t exhist, cuz, “I don’t talk to anyone.” Internet datiing and porn was huge but very hidden. When I found it, of course he insisted it wasn’t his! Now supposively he has cleaned all that out, and has changed over night and is no longer looking at that stuff, or lieing to me any more because he loves me and only me! SO HE SAYS! He use to dissapear for days without a word. Now he tries to make me believe he was at his parents house each time. My question is then why is everything such hush, hush all the time? Oh! But he sure does love me with all his heart! I’m his life! And my favorit, “I DON’T CHEAT! Just like liers NEVER lie! Ha! Ha! Ha! Yeah, ok.

There is a reason they say that love is blind. Your man is clearly a cheater and a liar and you should leave him. You deserve better. Even if you love him, you should prioritize your mental health and emotional well being. There are other people in the world more worthy of your love.

mine too! loves me dearly, so he says, except he lied, and is/was in touch with his ex(?) the whole time. telling me she doesn’t even want him or care what happens to him. that probably makes him want her more

I knew its u..by today I want u to tell me the truth why are u hurting me while I am pregnant..i already figure u that cuz u choose to play and back my phone becuz someone got prove on their computer..what are u talking about..so u mean u gonna just up and leave me?

brilliant articles and all true my man well wil b my ex lies to me txt all week then sunday nites says goin my freinds tnite so dnt txt me cuz il b drunk yea rite then txt me monday afternoon ..then he says he went bed early and just latly he bein saying he gt low sex drive do i realy want no .and he always tired he wont admit he cheating but i gt gut feeling and also hes ex wife ad three affairs he ad her bk but april bfor he went thailand to look at the scenery so he says cant blieve wat he says but gt no real proof he cheatingx

I have a really long story that i am going to try to keep as short as posible…My boyfriend and i have a baby girl she is 3 months soon and i can not remember one day without fighting.. I was pregnant when things got real bad with the lies and the way he treated me everyday. I always told him the truth always comes out so please dont lie to me… Then he started lieing about money all the time and when i cought him he would only tell me that he is working for the money..I never saw one sent through my whole pregnancy he did nothing for me and kept lying about everyting. he would borrow morney from everyone and then they would ask e for the money and that was the first time i would find it out. I then found out about his drug abuse during the time i was pregnant i had no money for the baby and the one day he got home from work and i saw that something wasnt right and i asked him an d he said he wish he had done stuff differently and i lent him. The next day i was busy with the food and his sister was mad at him and told me tat he was in contact with his ex again and when he got home from work he made as if nothing is wrong . The worst part is his whole family knew and nobody told me. So i left him that night and he made promises that he only cotacted her once and that he did tell her that he was happy and expection a baby girl but i stil dont believe him bec after 3 years of them being seperated he still knows all her numbers and everything, it hurts so bad. HeI can go on with this bacause i think i can write a whole book of his lies and stories he told me… Thank you for taking the time to read and give advice somehow. Have a fab day and just to let you know i took him back for t he sakeof the baby but nothing changed as yet

I’m so sorry to read that. I also told my bf, at the beginning that, don’t lie, because I will always know, I can feel it and it always is followed up by me accidentally finding proof. everytime. I guess he didn’t believe me and your guy didn’t believe you when you told him not to lie to you

I don’t know if this will be posted under comments but I have to vent anyway. This website has been so helpful. ok, I have been seeing a guy for 3 months, who professed his love for me and treated me so well. Told me he had been in a dyfunctional relationship w/ a woman who didnt really want him just his money, and that he stayed w/ her because he “didn’t think it was possible for him to meet someone “like me” who wanted him for himself. Anyway, I fell hard for him, now found out he is STILL in touch with his “ex”, who may not even be an ex, (we had a long distance relationship).–after he told me he has nothig to do with her anymore. The first time I had a clue, was when I couldn’t reach him 2 nights in a row and he gave a typical excuse, (sleeping, phone off), then the next night, I tried him 4x, he calls back a few minutes late, we are talking, then all of a sudden a woman’s voice in the background asks who he is talking to, he answers “a friend”, she then asks WHO? three times, at which point he hung up on me. I called back immediately, to of course find his phone turned off, right to voicemail, I left him a message telling him that all I wanted was honesty and to never call me again. He calls back the next morning, pretending to be confused, denying everything, saying he was at his daughter’s house and his phones’ battery went dead. I actually believed him although I felt like someone punched me in the stomach. Well, I should say I wanted to believe him so much that I buried it. One week later, I caught him texting her making plans for the following day, when I would be leaving town again, coincidentally. I caught him, and although the texting time clearly showed they were from that day he said they were from maybe a month ago; which would still make him a liar since he told me 3 months ago that he was done with her. but, that’s besides the point. Anyway, he got so loudly and verbally abusive to me, told me that I have screws lose, I’m crazy and paranoid, and finally told me to leave. I was so hurt. The next day he said I deserved the truth, but he STILL wouldn’t admit the whole truth, just that the text msgs were from one week prior, not from the day I caught him texting. Still will not admit that woman in the background at 1130pm was that same woman. He is saying that if I don’t give him another chance that means I don’t believe him, and my point is that its all irrelevant, because what he DID already admit to, confirms that he is still in touch with her. He says its not romantic relationship, but don’t believe him. He says she is not important to him,(although he has had a relationship, although non commital on her part, and totally dysfunctional) for 4 years). I told him that if we were to have a relationship, that I would need to call her to find out what her understanding is of the status of their relationship. He gave me her phoe number but I havent called her yet because I don’t know if I want to have a relationship with him. If this woman is only using him for money, then she might say, that she’s not in touch with him anymore, she might have a motive to lie to me anyway. Does anyone have any comments? I would appreciate them. thanks

continued…..He admits to lying to me, saying that he was “insecure’ about us, so he was “hedging his bets”, but that she doesnt mean anything to him anymore. I’m worried its just more lies. I’m vulnerable right now because this happend 48 hours ago.

Me and my boyfriend are long distance right now. I talked to him on the phone earlier and he told me to hang on because one of his friends was calling him. He then put down the phone. I could hear it as he walked away. I hear a mans voice, he was talking to, asking who was calling him. Then I hear laughter and a womans voice. I ask him who the girl is. He dosent say she is his friends girlfriend, or a girl he went to school with, the smart things to say. He keeps insisting he has no idea what Iam talking about, him and his friend were alone on the street. so I just made it up?? If u can’t even tell me who she is, for probable fear Imight get mad, then u r GUILTY.

If you are feeling suspicious, trust your instincts. Someone who has nothing to hide from you would be happy to tell you who the person was. A good partner is open and honest, and willing to reassure you if need be. It might be difficult, but being single is better than wondering if you are being lied to.

delete you from his Facebook or other social media make up stupid reasons to say why he blocked you but really its because he has hidden secrets lies…flirts with other women trying to meet up get to know them more intimately behind your back. But guess what…what goes around will come back around AGAIN.

The overly wonder EYE man…even when hes with you he steers overly at other beautiful women in front of you without showing you any form of respect that you are his gf, acts different after a sudden because another beautiful woman is around him, talks to him. Lies to you that he doesn’t talk to his EX’s/some flings…purposely say or do actions to make you wonder if hes doing anything with other girls/doesn’t text you or call consistently like before when he was pursuing you…now that he got what he wants he just SLACKS up heavly on doing those sweet loving actions he did to get you. He will also even flirt with your own beautiful women family members…mother cousins etc. Those are BIG RED FLAGS of a JERK…I have a daughter and I’m teaching her about these Jerkish men early so she can spot them from a early and wont end up getting her beautiful heart broken by some foolish dude.

“I’m going to a guy friends house to play video games,but I don’t want you to come with me.”That was said from my cousins ex boyfriend.After he said that I felt something wasn’t right when he said that,i caught him at my best friends giving her hugs outside of her apartment and a couple years later my cousin get back with this scum and he cheated on her twice.This guy is a cheater. My cousins needs to find someone thats going to treat her right and not lie. My cousin broke up with him and now i think they been seeing each other secretivily. She called me the other day thinking she might be pregnant,and i ask who the father was and she couldnt tell me who it was.So what im thinking she’s been sleeping with a cheater cause i guess she dont think she can find something better.

I have read your article on cheating, so much sounded like what I have gone through. To this day I have not got no real resolve, other than since confronting him with finding out about the suspicion of cheating on me. He tried his best to not allow the conversation not to be brought up about cheating. Initially went I confronted him, he was so angry he was like a crazed man. Liked wanted to kill me in fact, then it went into not answering his calls ignoring me. Then saying he don’t know this person and so on. Till now it all in my head, some one is trying to wind you up etc. I am really fed up. It seems like I haven’t been given the opportunity, that had I been gold the truth to make my mind up if I stay or leave because the cheating. I feel so disgusted as I know haven’t done nothing wrong, in fact I have given him a lot of space . That it seems he has abused, I just want the truth which he is not willing to admit too. I have already been contemplating, how I should deal with this and the prognosis he not good for him. In actual fact I have begun to loathe him. For not being a man and bring straight with me. I mean why do men do that, when the be found out hide it and not give the other person the chance to either forgive you or leave you. Men are ultimately senseless when it comes to being real. They are people that Re easily led I don’t think there is one man on this earth that can stay faithful at all. Men are born deceivers, do women need to step up there game. Any sniffle that you been cheated on, I say dump him. As a women intuition is generally right and do not believe the man when he makes out your over reacting and it’s all in your head. Wake up smell the coffee this man is doing everything in his power to manipulate and control your mind. Do not fall for this trap, as the saying goes once a cheater always a cheater. My advice is get rid of this no good cheating ass. Funny thing is there all like that so I suggest, either you could get even and maybe feel good. Or live life dumping these suckers for ever as there is no good man about anywayz. As I have been sat here writing my conclusion is to stuck with and make the bastard suffer. I think that’s what I will do. Make his miserable life hell if he has lied about his cheating and don’t want to be straight with you. As you have presented the evidence to this man and he clearly denies it, so to all you women out there. This could be a catch twenty two. As I have concluded that the ratio of of men are commonly cheaters, we women are kinda doomed as we may spend our life dumping them. Or playing the nasty game of cheating back on them, never ending circle of life.

My ex and I went out for 7yrs and 2yrs engage he moved out of my flat in april 26 this year we were only apart for 1 mnth and a half and he met this girl they were seeing each other for 2months they met in june my ex and I were still incontact and seeing each other while he ws seeing this girl but I didn’t know about it my ex told this girl that I’m sms him and I dnt want to leave him alone so she stole my number off his daughter ph and hid her no and told me she just cme out of the shower and he just left and that they bn seeing each other for 2months and his g to move in w her and gt engage w her and said to her I’m nt the only one that’s sms he is as well we’ve bn seeing each other while his been seeing you he told me he still loves me so I sd to her if y confront him his g to deny it this carried on for 4months he cme to me one saturday night and told me he ws at a braai with her and she and this guy was eyeing ech other out and when he gt to her house the guy rocked. Up their he also told. Me he slept w me and w another girl and w this girl he ws seeing after that he moved out of her house bt she kept on running after him his mom about a month ago and he ws very vunerable bt he also told me he wsnt ready for a serious relationship he then blocked me on whatsup 5days later he gt engage to her and didn’t be honest w her and tell her that he cheated and lied behind her bck I told her he cheated behind her bck and lied to her how can a man jump from one relationship into another and gt engage to this girl after cheating and lieing and bn dishonest to and to me this relationship is a rebound he doesn’t love her if he did he would never hve done that to me or to her

He a liar has all girls as friends on fb claims friends for years comment and compliment on girls pics also hit them up on fb messenger for chat also even flirts with employees at jobs too smoke weed get rides for them always on phone hide pass word from me too a liar dishonest have secret life on date sites and put pics of his daughter too to make him look like good guy he a liar

He came to work very late, my collegues saw him with my friend, driving off somewhere! I decide to ask him why he came so late, he tells me that she was sick and decided to take her home! But what a coincindence that they both walk in at work at the same time!

If a man quite often talks about other men, co-workers etc., how he has no use for them because for instance, he’ll say he is married and holding hands with another women and how wrong it is. He’ll down other men for example, he’ll say he’s sorry, he has no respect for women. He’ll often say things like for example, what’s right is right what’s wrong is wrong, karma is bad, what goes around comes around, oh I never cheated on a my ex-wife or even a girlfriend. If he often says these things then watch out, he may be telling you these things just to where you’ll think he’s a good man and the whole time you find out he’s been talking to other women on a dating website.

The man I called my Ex now was taking advantage of me. He used me to take him to work and any other functions he need to get to. I was always there for him but he was never there for me. He didnt show no love. Didnt hug or kiss. I felt like I was always alone. I got so tired of it I made up my mind im done. He was on drugs for 20 years and told me he was off. I realize he was still on drugs cause when he got paid he went missing on his days off from work. When I saw him he always look bad and eyes look glossy. He dont even care his life is messed up. No license, no car, live with different family member anf 50 years old with nothing. All he like to do is live off of women and facebook every second. Yea I dated him for 2 1/2 years but thank god I got tired of the nonsense. Drugs are evil and make him evil. Please dont stay with nobody who truly love you. If he did he wouldn’t think about another female. I had to learned that. It wasnt easy to walk away but I thought to myself I could be missing out on Mr. RIGHT. He lied about females on Facebook and females he stay with when he goes out of town. Run from a person like this. I saw this behavior in the beginning but stayed. They know you love them thats why they run over top of us. Im sorry I wasted time n gas on this loser. He can move back where he came from in ruin someone else life. I had enough of Melvin G.I need a real man who only want a good life and a good woman!

My boyfriend who I live with is cheating, his blackberry suddenly has a password he even takes out his sim on his nokia n he calls girls love on social networks n tells me. Its how he chats to everyone, I ones saw a bbm msg where he told a girl how much he loves her, everytime I confront him he makes me feel like I’m crazy and that its my fault he does those things, sometimes I feel like I’m not good enough for him anymore.. Help

Lied, and lied…was paying for lie detector..then I made him call other woman and she flat.out told him why didn’t you lie to her and say you slept on the couch you sang like canary..then she made it clear it was 3x ..he admitted said only once now says he made it up and never did it…CRAZY……has said he’s masturbated to girls on internet the whole first year of our relationship then now he says he made that up….help

When a guy starts spoiling you please be aware of the fact tht he’s trying to win you over and change your mind about a lot of things and when he keeps on expressing his love to you do not confront him even though you know that he’s been cheating on you without you having to here it or see it you just know that’s why they say learn 2 understand your man anD his ways then you will know when he’s up 2 no good ***thanks****

Dear sista,
I just want to say how much I have gain from reading through your blogs regarding cheating man and the lies they tell and I can say from experience of my own that everything you said is on point and describes them perfectly. I recently found myself in a relationship with a man I got to really like and thought he felt the same way about me too till all of a sudden his behaviour towards me changed drastically and when I tried to get him to open up to me he would make some of the many statement you put across or go silent and then later reapproach as if nothing had happen. It got to the point where I founded out that he was not only lying about his being in a relationship but also he actually live with this woman so while she is away he would have be over his house and in the bed he shares with this person. I confronted him with evidence of his lies and he still denies it till this day he has never owned up to any of it and he still acts of if he’s a single man living with his 3 young kids. I feel so bad for this woman who I’m guessing as no idea or clue that he is cheating on her and I know if it was me I would want to be told that the man I sharing my life with is lying and cheating on me so my question to you now is do you think I should inform this woman about the her man’s infidelity or let her find out who he is went it’s too late because I can guarantee you he probably doing it with other people and not just me at the time.
Thank you for taking the time to read my message.
I await your reply!
Lou Lou

(1)My pregnant fiancé was killed by a drunk driver…when actually he is married with a child with her. This kind of lie is dangerous because it’s almost like he is wishing death on the wife.
(2)I have conference calls throughout the day and night…this covers him so he can call other women anytime he wants.

Great….according to the list of things he calls you (babe) otjer things he says (you’re always on m mind, I think about you all the time) and about the future ( I am hoping this relationship goes all the way, I dont just ant something temporary) my boyfriend is a cheater. So where does one draw the line? Isn’t there a chance a guy could say some of these and actually mean them? On the other hand when I picked up his tablet ye other day and clicked on the Internet app the first thing to pop up in the tab was history…..but it had been cleared. Which automatically makes me suspicious. Honestly I don’t see him having time to cheat and in our many talks he feels exactly as I do about it, and like me has been burned before therefore has grown to resent cheaters. But I can’t help but wonder….if he has nothing to hide why delete his history?

I’m 26 and my fiance is 49, he’s the only man ive ever been with that was quite a bit older than me. We actually get along great and have a wonderful relationship. But here lately he has been calling and texting this girl whom he says is like a “sister” to him. She is the sister of his nephews wife. (Whom I despise) the girl he is texting is known to be fast and easy, although he swears he’s in no way attracted to her nor would ever mess with her…but she is texting him and calling him several times a day, almost everyday, mostly complaining about her current boyfriend which she is having relationship problems with. Well, today I walked into our bedroom to take a nap and was picking thing up off the floor to put back into the hamper and I noticed something shiny laying at the foot of our bed, laying right under the bed…barely visible…but it was a blue dangle seashell earring. I have never seen earrings of the type and my 7 year old daughter does not wear dangly earrings. When I brought it to him and asked him about it, he got really quite and said he didn’t know where it came from and threw it in trash
..what should I do????

Hi my name is Shaniqua and I am 21 on my boyfriend is 27. We have been dating for 10 months now. Everything was going so good he would text me good morning complement me and everything. Then when he gets off he lets me know and he goes home. After that we would talk for hours until he fall asleep. We never went a day without talking and we also go to sleep together on the phone. My birthday was in May so that weekend he took me out to eat we had a great time. But after that I started to notice a change in him he would take hours to text back. He does construction on the roads I know that it can be dangerous so I didn’t bother that but he started getting to the point where he wouldn’t let me know when he got off . He hasn’t been texting me good night or nothing. He goes to work at 3:00 am and gets off about 7 or pm. He always claiming he’s tired and that he don’t feel like talking. He never lets me know where he is until after for messages. He seems like he has an attitude at times. He always say he’s not going no where and the he love me and that I am a blessing from God. And when we first got together I ask him if he had kids he said no I asked when his birthday was he told me. Then when February came around he told me he had to tell me some he lied about having kids he lied about his name and he lied about his birthday. So something kept telling me to type in his snapchat name because he claimed that he wasn’t on no social networks. When I typed the name in an Instagram account and plenty of fish account popped up with recently taken photos on them. I asked him about it and he said my cousin Brodrick using it to get hoes not me. It’s da truth if u don’t believe me dats on u can’t make u believe me ion need a app to get women… He suppose to come see me this weekend. But I don’t know what to do I feel hurt and played.

My boyfriend (like a husband as we’ve lived together for 11years) was registered on a soliciting for sex dating site. His profile read “not getting what I need at home looming for a descreet fling”. When confronted about it said #1 that he copy and pasted profile. #2 He was just looking at the pictures of these women. He denied me to see his email. Four days later he offered to show me. (After it was all cleaned out). Still I found several women who were offering up their
services.
Then he started getting a ride to work with his coworker. Very cute woman. Talked about her nonstop for weeks. Started wearing colonge, stepped up his grooming,worried about his appearance all of a sudden.
One day at lunch I asked him if he could show me a little attention that evening as she and another coworker were coming over for dinner. That night he came in and gave me 3 little “sister kisses” (breaking his own rule about kissing. We always French kissed coming or leaving one another) and he said “is that enough for you”? Loud enough for all to hear. He wouldn’t take her calls in front of me. They went on a run to L.A. together. 3 Days later he blurted out you know you can have sex in his work delivery van. He kept denying anything was going on. Several months past she found different job. I ran crossed her name in his phone with a broken heart next to her name. He says he didn’t put it there.
He coded computer so he can hide ALL he does. Denies doing that. He restricted me from all his social apps. Everything I find out he denies.
He treats me very good. Buys me whatever I want. Takes me on trips. Comes home from work directly each day. But I feel something isnt right. Why ccan’t he just level with me?

I thought she was my friend because I would tell her about my husband beating me up and she tells me that she wouldn’t be with a men that beats on me.My husband beats me up and couple of days later my cousin and me want to are friends house and my cousin walk in first and I’m behind her and hear her say poor Rusty and I look at her and said poor Rusty u know what you can have poor Rusty and let him beat u up and after that I have seen my husband kissing her and I seen them in my car together and couple of time my husband would take a shower before 6 clock and I would come home and he acts nervous and had a shower. We always take showers together for 21years.I said u are cheating on me and he tells me it’s all in my head and I’m crazy I gust want it or be true so I can run around. He cheated with another woman I had to work on a Saturday for 4 hours.when I left he drive his 4 wheel he had to stop at a friend slam 6 beers and then want to the bar and meet a woman there and my two friends ask him were is your woman at he didn’t say anything to them.But he still lies and say I didn’t fuck them and when he tells me that his .when he says fuck word all time for 21 years. But when he say I didn’t fuck them it comes out of his mouth and its sounds way different

Gosh these were all great examples of what lies men tell women…( women are just as bad cheating wise)

Men many times unless you have a picture of them screwing or catch them red handed one day you get off early from work. These guys will not ever admit they were cheating. It’s frustrating. Just because they refuse to talk about it doesn’t mean it’s not true. If you know it and they won’t be man enough to be at least honest with you. They are not even friend material let alone serious relationship material. And it’s not your fault ( it is if you know it and allow it to happen) I knew one couple who had an open relationship. It worked for them but they were the Older, more content, more in tune with themselves. They were just over all far more honest about everything and more realistic than other people attempting an open relationship. She loved her carpenter husband who was a master crafter. A simple man. They were together 31 years when in their 25th year they both admitted that they were slightly unhappy and each stated what it was they felt missing. She was a OBGYN. She loved debates. She knew she should been a lawyer. Anyway she was needing more stimulation mentally. Since becoming a doctor she found she was attracted to super brainy guys with high intelligence. She was only 54 years old and loved her husband. Everything else about the relationship was satisfying. Talking it out for them worked out. Their compromise resulted in her having emotional affairs and he having physical interactions with other people away from their house. Everything above board. And I believe they both honored their agreements. But this is rare for people. In relationships it’s hard to find someone who’s on the same page as you. You might agree to that but they get jealous and cause you much uncalled for and unfair grief over it just because they couldn’t handle emotionally what they dish out. Maturity is what’s lacking in most relationships. Integrity is lacking in 70% of the population. If you have those two things your relationship probably will be pretty healthy. If not we’ll, it will be full of drama. That zaps your energy. When you’re tired you aren’t so sharp. Liars like their mates to not question them. So they will rob you emotionally and make your exhausted. They get away with so much right under your nose., don’t be fooled. Be smart. If it feels odd it is odd. Trust your gut more. Your gut won’t lie to you.

I have a question when your man won’t let you see his phone then gives it to you to do something for him and you find 10 porno sites in his phone (and he never tells you that he loves you, but he’s always around) what do you do and can’t even get it up when your in bed wearing something so dam sexy?!

My boyffiend of nearly 6years is on the casual sex sites all the time..I’ve caught him messaging 3other women and offering himself for free gardening..One stayed over one night he banged her and still chased her afterwards!! I caught him on dating sites he just says as if!! He loves me why would he do it etc..He came home jumped straight in shower,that night in bed there were a vile smell coming from his penis!! It was disgusting made me feel ill..He never kisses me passionately ever!! He lives here on and off and blatantly takes the piss!! The new one I’ve just caught him with was married 😓…I just can’t keep up with all of this silly games that he plays..He watches porn constantly as well..I think that I do love him even though the things he is,has been doing has broken me I have no confidence,self esteem,I’m on guard all the time..I’ve tried everything to be what he needs..I’ve also begged for him to own up about the things I do know and explained he is just killing me..If he wants me then it’s not ok to be with others!! I’d rather end it and pick up the pieces.. I think he is enjoying it all the way ridiculing,ignoring me ,causing arguments and blaming me!! It is hurting me that much but I’m not gonna let him see it!! Thanks for listening..Amanda