Drumroll, Please

You know that girl with the never-messy hair and the always-fashionable clothes who is a healthy eater, who only laughs when appropriate and never drops anything on herself when she's wearing white? Yeah, that's not me.

Thursday, 23 July 2009

Why, you ask? Well here's the thing. My internet speed sucks. On an average, I get 7 kbps. That's right. Seven. On a good day it might go up to 9. That's pretty much it. I've grown used to it after 3 years. I've even grown to love it. Imagine my surprise then when I saw the speed go up to 30 kbps today. I was literally left round eyed when it went up to 60. Naturally I was spellbound as it climbed up to 100. And completely flabbergasted at 200. What should I have done then when at one point it reached 500, you read it right five hundred, kbps? Jump with joy? Yell and scream in incredulous delight? Completely lose my head? Been there, done that. So what do I do now? I've already downloaded a few songs and three movies. Three. All in a few hours. I plan to download three more. The speed is now averaging about 180 kbps. Which, for a girl like me who gets excited when her internet speed enters double digits, is ecstatically thrilling.

Right about now, I'm kinda freaking out (in a good way) plus I'm terrified at the prospect of having to shut down my computer at some point. I'm so sure this is just a temporary gift which will be cruelly snatched from my hands the moment I hit Disconnect. But until that moment arrives, full speed ahead! Ooh pun not intended.

Wednesday, 8 July 2009

My mom is slightly insane. Well not insane. But really really bizarre.

Watching T.V. at my house, particularly at night, is never easy. I have my Star World and Zee Cafe while mom has her Star Plus. And because I never relinquish my hold on the remote before 10, she has to resort to pestering me to switch to Star Plus whenever the commercials are on. Fair enough, yes. The other night, however, she demanded that I switch channels right in the middle of a very crucial scene in Bones. "Switch to *whatever show that was on Star Plus at the moment*," she said. "No" I replied. "What? They're just talking na?" she reasoned referring to the actors on Bones. As opposed to all the characters in her serial silently choking to death apparently. I looked at her incredulously and proceeded to explain the whole concept of T.V. shows, all the while insisting that talking plays a very essential role in all of them. I suspect she's so used to the characters bursting into tears for random reasons in her shows that the very idea of dialogue is alien to her.

On another night she proved to me that my laziness is hereditary. She was turning in for the night and I went to the other room to sit online for a bit. As I was switching on the computer, I could dimly hear her calling my name. I went back to the bedroom where she told me that I had accidentally switched off the fan too when I switched off the lights. The fact that she yelled for me for so many minutes instead of just getting up and turning the fan on herself didn't bother me. The fact that she had just been about to dial my cellphone with her cellphone to call me back to the bedroom to turn the fan back on was what I found disturbing.

There are some mothers who think their children spend way too much time on the phone and keep yelling at them to get off it once in a while. Then there are some mothers who barge into the bathroom while their child is trying to shower before college, thrust their child's ringing phone into the child's face screaming at the startled child to pick up the phone and refuse to leave even when the child screams back and swats their hand away and tries to close the door on them. Guess which kind of mother I got?

Aw mom but I love you. And not just because your kookiness is highly amusing and provides me with things to blog about.

Monday, 6 July 2009

No seriously; I really do. I didn't just write that 'cause it seemed like a cool way to start a post. Well maybe I did. But there's definitely something spooky going on here. I lost my glasses and a pair of jeans and after minutes of frantic searching, they turned up in the most random places. No, I didn't forget where I kept them. My memory, as bad as it is, didn't fail me then. And no, mom didn't move them either. She helped me look.

My first thought was a thief who thought it'd be funny to move my stuff around. I dismissed that notion because it's physically impossible to get into my house after the door is locked. I'd like to see any burglar try. Not that this is an open challenge for all the crooks out there; it's just an expression.

Sunday, 5 July 2009

You know how in the previous post I went on and on about the glorious virtues of a beautiful rainy day? Well scratch that; rains suck.

Yesterday I came home so completely drenched that I think I redefined the term wet. By the way, windcheaters are the most useless pieces of rainproof devices ever. Not only do they have an absurdly idiotic name, but they don't even try to overcome the stupidity of their names by being good at what they're supposed to do - prevent me from getting soaked!

And have you ever tried walking around with glasses when it's pouring cats and dogs? It's lucky I didn't wander off into the middle of the road and get hit by a truck or something.

I couldn't even take a cab home; no cabbie in his right mind would have allowed the sodden mess that I was anywhere near his precious vehicle. So I was forced to take a crowded bus where people kept glaring at me for dripping water on their otherwise completely dry selves. How is it that everyone else gets to remain dry and I don't!? This one genius thought it was alright to stand behind me and lean his umbrella against the back of my leg. Oh what the heck, he probably figured, she's already wet as it is. But I kicked it back with my shin and scowled at him after which he quickly backed away. Then there were the cars that thought nothing of splashing me merrily as I grumpily walked home from the bus stop. They also probably figured that since I was so wet already, a little more moisture couldn't hurt. Well they thought wrong! But since I couldn't just go and kick the cars, I had to frown and bear it.

However, I did watch Ice Age 3 yesterday and loved it, so I guess the day wasn't a complete waste of energy.

P.S. I kind of pity the weather forecasters but I also want to laugh at them. It's bright and sunny when they scream "heavy rains ahead!" and there's a raging storm every time they reassure citizens that it's gonna be a nice cloudless day. Ha!

Thursday, 2 July 2009

Beautiful weather today. Rain wasn't a useless drizzle, wasn't a full blown storm - it was just about perfect. And even though my jeans were so loose that I had to pull them up every five minutes and the rain dripped all over my glasses making me temporarily blind and people kept staring me from under their umbrellas, I still walked home from the station after college. Stare at me all you want; I have my radio and I don't care. I couldn't have taken a cab like I usually do; not with weather like this reminding me of hot buttered corn (with lots of masala), steaming cups of coffee and sizzling bhajiyas. Taking a cab home - incomprehensible! All my corn and bhajiya dreams went down the (d)rain though; not one stall was open while it was wet out. In the end I convinced myself to get ice-cream from the cab fare that I saved. Should have gotten Maggi and cheese instead. A friend introduced the concept of hot Maggi noodles with cheese. Delish!

In other news, the Delhi High Court denounced Article 377! How awesome is that! The judges clearly condemned the law and asked people to practice the equality that they preach. They also asked for the Article to be amended and that any sex between consenting adults be legalized. This is fabulous news for homosexuals across the country and for all the gay rights activists. Finally India is taking a step in the right direction, away from its dubious distinction of being included in the homophobic nations list. It won't be long now before the law is scrapped altogether. If there was a smiley for my level of excitement right now, it'd be here. But because I don't know of any such smiley, just pretend I inserted one.

Also, I signed up on Neopets again and I'm slowly getting addicted. The site is so much fun! I know it's primarily for kids but seriously, it's more fun than Facebook (and I won't get tired of saying that).