Quit The Numbers GameArticle by: Veronica Baesso

Math has nothing to do with love. Once you heave the “getting to know each other phase” and things go to the next level, the question that should never be asked rears its ugly head. “How many men have you slept with?”…Suspense…any number you utter becomes a part of some strange sex equation. If the variable x, standing for the amount of guys, equals to what a man considers a high number (whatever that is) it means you are a slut. If the variable x is relatively low, it is acceptable, but deep down a guy would prefer an even lower number than the already low number offered. Why is a woman’s number of sexual partners used as criteria to define her? Is it going to prove how committed/involved she can be in our relationship? Is it going to damage the alpha male psyche? No. No. No. So therefore there is one clear conclusion: men are naïve and contradictory when it comes to sex and sexual partners.

This might come as news. Whatever number we are going to tell you, we are lying, as simple as that. Why? We don’t want to hurt your feelings and we know that a number proves nothing. Having said that, we have been programmed into defensive lying because we sense judgment. You may be with a woman who will tell you she has slept with 3 guys, when probably you should add a 0, or maybe two 0’s. To think that these numbers for some reasons would “make a difference” is stereotypical, stupid and sexist. If a man brags about his love conquests, everyone pats him on the back, because it just shows how cool he is. On the contrary, if a woman shares (not spontaneously, but only because she was asked) her sexual history with her current partner, there is the potential for the aforementioned judgment.

This is a contradictory reaction. As I premised, any answer about your GF sexual history is going to be hard to digest. You would like to think that in the past she was a saint and she started wearing a devil dress ONLY after dating YOU (FALSE! She has always been like that). So when was the time to finally get intimate with her (whenever it happened: the same night you met her, after 3 days or after 3 weeks…who cares?), what really attracted you to her was ALSO her being sexy, open minded, wild, uninhibited, & freaky in bed. When a relationship is still in a “ no commitment zone” men like this kind of slutty-ness, but when things get serious they can’t even IMAGINE that she was as naughty with previous lovers. Why would a man think this solely has to do with him rather than the woman’s innate nature?

The reality is that women love sex as much as men. We love to explore and nurture our sexuality. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that sex with someone special is not amazing, I am merely saying that if a woman has an epicurean attitude to life, then society shouldn’t waste time judging her. At the end of the day, we are not so different from you guys when it comes to sex.

I am sorry if you believed in the fairy tale that women are looking for intimacy just when they are feeling a strong emotional connection with someone. We know that sex doesn’t always coincide with love and we are more than happy about that. We like one-night-stands too and there is nothing wrong with it. Sometimes we are just looking for some fun and you can only imagine the joy beyond a female orgasm. What is defined as slutty-ness is nothing more than a celebration of our intimate pleasure, emancipation and confidence. This is what brought us into your arms.

So what is this fascination with numbers? If you feel that someone you are dating has amazing potential to be special then stop the mental calculations. You shouldn’t be looking at any numbers as a clue whether she is someone that is worth being with. Don’t start a relationship in the wrong direction. Celebrate your woman for the woman she is. Don’t be focused on her past but rather her present. The only math you need to complete is 1 + 1 = 2. Those are the numbers that will bring you together!

Good article though, wish i.d read it years ago and never mentioned numbers, but when a partner asks, and they usually do, a non answer usually gets them all the riled up and wondering why you wont tell.

can’t lie, it’s totally against everything i believe in. so instead, I have this time used the ‘obfuscate’ technique, which is to not answer the question directly but fog about the truth with some kind of ‘geeze, i donno, not as many as i would have liked to have’ hahahaha j.k., i told her i used to be a pimp but gave it all up when i learned that it’s preferable to find someone special, and that after quitting pimpdom i became born again

its nice to know how serious someone with me, especially when i just found out about a past with more kinds of sexual encounters than i personal imagined with this person im dating. i’ve fucked and made love probably as much or more than you, just not with as many people. i knew when i asked. i was trying to get a sense of .. what kind of ‘phase’ was this that you sheepishly, pridefully, talked about it? or it can be asked to see how good in bed you’re gonna be, continue to be in other areas, or mainly, just to contrast and compare.or, how many stds you could have picked up knowing most men dont use a condom cause they dont give a shit. im so happy you were.. ‘born again’ i think. as long as you dont see it as something other than what u told me, then be a born again whatever. christian? i dunno. oh, i ask too cause when guys say they’ve done THIS and THAT, i get this crazy number of years and people and then i go OH WAIT, guys, and people totally make things seem bigger or lasting longer than what they were, a number is a number. i can be a freak in bed and have slept with 1 person or 300+ 😉

When i tell girls that i.ve been with a few hundred, they become horny quickly, but it reaks havoc on long term potential. There is something that both genders value in a partner sharing what they havnt shared with a bunch of other people, at least i.ll say it seems to me that wheather we say it or not, the act seems to have more precious worth if everyone else hasn’t already been there.

I never ask this question. If someone isn’t great in bed I assume they haven’t had many lovers and if they are over 35 and single that’s just sad, (and likely they are lonely) so I try to make them happy. I do ask how they lost their virginity and then how many times they think they have been in love. It’s much harder to get into someone’s heart then into their pants. And it’s where I want to be anyway regardless of the length of the connection. Your body is a gift you can give to others if you want and make them happy. It’s good karma to make others happy. If you’re into the counting game it’s just an ego trip and that trip ends when die anyway. Making people happy? that’s karma…follows you into your next life and so on.

‘making people happy’ can also make babies. if i rack up good karma i may also rack up child support? ha. if giving it away is really good karma, i will enjoy the orgies of valhalla or the unity of nirvana unlike the lust that leads to hell and vanity of this temporal world which so emptily fulfills body needs in the name of a good time. how many times have i been in love? how many drops of rain in a minnesota spring time?