Joke of the day

Every man needs a go-to joke.

Monday

Joke
N°
3230

Classics About Marriage
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
&nbsp -Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
&nbsp -Milton Berle
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
A man placed an ad in the classifieds: Wife wanted.
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: You can have mine.
80% of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get your laundry done for free. Paul Hunter

Tuesday

Joke
N°
3231

Car Unlocking Remote
A man was walking out of a local K-mart store and saw a blonde woman sitting down next to her car crying. The man was confused and asked her what was wrong.
"I can't get into my car! You see, I just discovered that I need new batteries for my car unlocking remote... and now I am locked out of my car! And it's raining!"
The man looked at her funny with a grin and asked her to see her car keys. She handed them to him and he found the right key, unlocked the door manually, and said, "Well, it's a long walk to the store and it's raining... why don't you drive to the store and get new batteries for your car unlocking remote?" XxFiReNiCe21xX

Wednesday

Joke
N°
3232

Good
Two men were swimming at a mental institute. One jumped in and sunk to the bottom. The other one jumped in to save him.
An hour later, a cop came to talk to the manager. A few minutes later, the cop came over to the guy who had saved his friend and said "I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you are being removed from this place, the bad news is that the friend you saved hung himself in the bathroom."
The other guy said "No he didn't, I just hung him there to dry." C3Stingray73

Thursday

Joke
N°
3233

Theory vs. Reality
A young boy comes home and asks his father to explain the difference between "theoretically" and "realistically."
The father says "Well, go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for 1 million dollars."
The boy asks, and his mother says, "Don't tell your father, but yes, I would do it."
The boy, still confused, asks his father again. The father tells him, "Now go ask your older sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 million dollars."
The boy asks and his sister says, "Of course I would!"
The boy comes back to his father and says "I think I understand."
So the father asks him to explain it. The boy says "Well... theoretically, we're sitting on 2 million dollars, realistically, we're living with a couple of whores." Dave K

Boots That Fit
A lady goes into a bar and sees a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He has the biggest feet she's ever seen. The woman asks the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet.
The cowboy says, "Sure is, why don't you come back to my place and let me prove it?"
The woman figures why not, and spends the night with him. The next day, she hands the cowboy a $100 bill. Blushing, he says, "I'm flattered, nobody has ever paid me for my prowess before."
To this the woman says, "Well don't be, take this money and go buy some boots that fit!" Wchoc33E

Sunday

Joke
N°
3236

Magic Mirror
One day, this lady went to a garage sale and saw this mirror against a wall. She looked at it for a while and decided to purchase it. The lady, who was running the garage sale, told her that it was a magic mirror. She took it home and put it on the inside of her closet door.
Her husband came home from work and she told him what she bought They were getting ready for bed and she excused herself from the bed and told him that she would be right back. She went over to the closet door and stood in front of the mirror and said, "Mirror, mirror, on the door, make my breasts a 44". All of the sudden, her breasts pop out.
She crawled into bed and her husband was just so tickled at her big breasts. He asked her how she did it. She told him that she told him earlier that she bought a magic mirror. He laughed and asked where it was. He went over to the closet and opened the door and stood in front of it naked as a jaybird. He said, "Mirror, mirror, on the door, make my member touch the floor."
All of a sudden, his legs fell off. Mike Rosenbrock