Musical Lessons in Love

Music is positively brimming with information. From step by step guides for utterly ridiculous dance moves to definitions of linguistic marvels such as “bugaboo” and “wanksta,” music has plenty of things to teach us if we take the time to listen.

What then can music teach us of something as fair and pure as love? In a word, plenty! Here, we will attempt to salvage just a few of the drops of unadulterated wisdom-milk that music holds in its ample teat.

Don’t Cha by the Pussycat Dolls

The Pussycat Dolls reveal the inherent dangers of every relationship in their hit song. Although many people want to believe their relationship is strong enough to bend temptation over and give it a firm kick in the ass, the gritty, grimy truth of the matter is that everyone gets tempted at some point or another. EVERYONE.

Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?

Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?

Sometimes guys really do wish their girlfriends were freaks (most likely in bed) like other girls (porn stars) and sometimes they really do wish their girlfriends were a bit more “raw” (who doesn’t) like other girls (victims of cannibalism). Sometimes certain women (ho’s) will seek to steal men from their partners when they get the chance and sometimes there just ain’t a damn thing you can do about it (short of murder).

What this song tells us is that relationships can suck and when they do, guys are quick to jump off of their sinking vessels and breaststroke their way to the nearest island. Therefore, women should always aim to be the rawest and freakiest girls around if they want to keep their men from chasing other girls who happen to be both exceptionally freaky AND raw.

When You’re in Love With a Beautiful Woman

Look, jealousy is a part of every relationship; at least that’s what songs like this (by Dr. Hook) would have us believe. Apparently guys who are dating beautiful women should learn not to trust anyone or anything if they want the relationship to work out.

When you’re in love with a beautiful woman, you look for lies.

You know that little voice that likes to yammer on in the back of your head about how you can trust your wife or girlfriend? Ignore it! Whenever she says something to you about ANYTHING, just go ahead and assume it’s a lie. No matter how serious or truthful her words may sound to you, you have to remember that she is most definitely a big, fat liar and her pants are surely catching flame at that very moment.

When you’re in love with a beautiful woman, you watch your friends.

Remember those friends you used to have? What’s that, you still have friends? Well then, it’s time for you to drop those weaslin’ bastards for good. Cut all ties with your old “buddies” as soon as you possibly can and focus solely on watching her. Do whatever it takes to keep them all away from you, especially those pesky “best friends” of yours. They all want a piece of the pie (your pie) and unless you want to share it (her) with them, you should just go ahead and take the necessary precautions. A change of address and phone number should solidify your status as your beautiful woman’s one and only.

Alas, these are only a couple of the endless examples of priceless information that you can find in music. More truth lies hidden within the lyrics of your favorite songs, waiting to be discovered and put to good use. Just open your ears and let music stuff you with nuggets of pure wisdom.