Teenage lies

This is more serious than lies told by young children. When your teenager lies, it's important to maintain their trust so they don't feel the need to be untruthful. Here we give some typical problem areas and our experts explain the best way to deal with them.

Teenage lies: 'I went to Kieran's house'

'Really? Funny how you were spotted in town...' Sylvia says: 'Many teenagers tell lies when establishing independence. Explain you know what happened and they can go into town so long as they tell you. Point out it's a safety issue. Negotiate what they can/can't do.'

More serious lies: 'I don't smoke'

'Sometimes children have to go through horrible things to come out the other side,' says Sylvia. 'All you can do is reinforce how important it is to tell the truthful, and keep talking to them so you're there if they choose to confide in you.'

Habitual liars

'Maybe they're influenced by a best friend,' suggests Sylvia. 'Have a quiet chat. Ask your child if she can trust her friend if she tells lies. If they giggle when lying it doesn't mean they don't care,' adds Gaynor. 'They're saying they can't cope with the situation.'

Is it your fault?

'Parents who are too controlling or expect too much of their kids can unwillingly encourage them to lie so they're "good enough",' says Sylvia. 'Set rules without being over-severe,' adds Gaynor. 'Build a warm relationship so they can tell you anything. And don't lie yourself to "suit" your own social situation. If you can do it, why can't they?'

Continued below...

Four signs they're lying

They don't look you in the eyes.

They get a nervous twitch or scratch themselves because they feel uncomfortable.

Pupils get bigger or smaller.

Their hands get sweaty.

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grahamsgirl

I am having trouble with one of my twin sons' lying. He is 13 next week, and I have just discovered he lied about using our phone for mobile phone calls totting up a pricey bill. He knows he can use the phone but has to ask if it's to call a mobile. Despite having the bill in black and white to his mates mobile number, he still denies it and seems to have convinced himself now he is right, and somehow I am wrong and so is the computor and the phone company!!! I am insisting he repays the money out of his pocket money. I've also noticed he lies about hygeine - saying he's cleaned his teeth or showered when he hasn't and I'm really worried about him. I've always said he can talk to me about anything and try to be fair and loving but I don't know what else to do. Please help! Any advice? Penny

Lorraine

Hi i really could do with some help, iv got 3 children from 11 to 16, my eldest is seeming to be pulling back and forth between adulthood and childhood i understand its a difficult time for him i remember what being that age felt like i really do, but now im on the other side as a parent and finding it very hard to deal with his mood swings, bad temper, non respectfulness, dont care attiude, its like if he gets what he wants hes alright but as soon as you tell him times up on ps3 or something he starts talking nasty and it escelates into an argument and him saying he doesnt care and doesnt need us but now i feel like well he has no time for any of us and it feels like he really doesnt respect me and even thinks im no good for nothing but to moan and he looks at me like im no one hes even told me to shut up coz my voice goes through him and im crazy, i know you may have heard all this before and is probley normall, we have talked lots of times and come to arrangements but he keeps breaking them i find myself so hurt and angry doesnt he realize i have a life too that i can be pissed off, and i can have a bad day too, hes not stupid he knows what hes doing, then theres times when he can be so nice and caring i think thats why it hurts so much i know who he can be, but at the moment all he seems to care about for the most part of his life is ps3 and his mates hes takeing his GCSEs and hasnt even studed for them he dosent want to do anything with them just wants to play, all of this is causing all sorts of aguments in our house hold and i feel at breaking point right now, please can you advise me thankyou x.

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