noun;a pithy observation which contains a general truth, by me.

Week That Was (Sept 23 – Sept 29)

Ugh. I hate the week after the Emmys. It feels like you’re about to launch back into awards season, you have a taste of it all (the fashion, the Pop Culture Moments, the bitter disappointments, the hangover…) and then it’s cruelly snatched away for another 3 months. Sigh. Luckily this week our new future princess got her first proper debut with her boo, the Supers reunited, T Swift got knocked off her perch, RIGGINS IS BACK and Jakey G is on the PR trail. Aaaand unfortunately, maybe one of my favourite shows of all time got cancelled. You can’t win ‘em all.

First up, Prince Harry fiiiiiiinally stepped out publicly with future wife Meghan Markle at the Invictus Games in Toronto, as predicted. I mean, she lives there, he always attends the games, it’s a no-brainer. What’s striking about their first appearance is how un-official and casual it seemed. It looks like Harry has well and truly thrown the rule book out the window. But as a perennial favourite of the Queen, this charming rascal may be able to get away with literally anything. I mean – his past scandals include naked party pics in Vegas, donning a swastika Nazi uniform at a dress-up party (I keep trying to eliminate this from my memory and replace it with all the wonderful things he’s done since, but it happened), and basically just being Harry. So holding hands with his probable future wife ain’t no thang. I like them I think. I’m into it. But the best part of the Invictus Games so far has been little 2 year old Emily stealing popcorn from Prince Harry. The pictures and video are priceless. OMG. Am obsessed.

Speaking of scandals. This weird thing with Ian Somerhalder and Nikki Reed happened. I have no idea what to say about this. Ian wanted a baby. Nikki was still taking birth control. He threw out her entire packet of pills while they were away on holiday (and potentially messed with her body in a slew of ways because of this). He sounds a bit…controlling. She sounds a bit…manipulated. But she strenuously denies this. And nobody really knows the dynamics of a relationship other than the people actually in the relationship obviously sooooo I’m quite torn about how to feel about this. So I shall refrain and just present it (largely) without comment. It doesn’t help that I’ve always hated him other than when he was in love with Jake Pratt in Young Americans

A highlight of Milan Fashion Week that even overshadowed the start of Paris Fashion Week was the mind-blowing Versace show. I know, Versace, mind-blowing? 2017? Who knew? Bloody Donatella did, that’s who. Because she shut that shit down with a whole slew of Supers Turning. It. Out. It was awesome. Sure, they weren’t all there, but dayummmm. They’ve literally ALL still got it, well into their 40s and 50s, and are showing the Instagram generation how it’s done. Also, I’m not here for Kaia Gerber. Not yet. She’s like 16 but she looks 12. I get that she’s instantly iconic and she’s stunningly beautiful but give it a minute. I don’t know why everyone’s brain is melting over her already.

Cardi B dethroned Taylor Swift from her #1 spot this week and it was AWESOME. Bodak Yellow is obviously more of a banger than the other song, and even though Tay Tay tried everything to keep the coveted position by slashing the cost of the song on iTunes and releasing unseen footage of the “making of the video”, she still lost. And there are many, many reasons why this is so great, not least of all because she is the first solo female rap act to achieve this milestone since Lauryn HillIN 1998. Get it Cardiiiii.

Jon Snow and Ygritteannounced their engagement in The Times this week and I find it so completely truly bizarre that they did this. WHO DOES THIS? Benedict Cumberbatch actually, but he is a ridiculous person with a ridiculous name from an obviously ridiculously posh family background so you expect it from him. But Kit Harington and Rose Leslie? IT’S SO WEIRD. Everything I’ve read about it so far has been gushing and enraptured by how romantic and cutesy it is but I’m not feeling it. Is it just me? Do I hate love? Am I dead inside? Maybe, yep, likely, TBH.

Jakey Gyllenhaal is on the PR (campaign?) trail baaaaaby and that’s always a good thing. Every time Jakey has a movie out and does a big push for it, we are all blessed. There are so many cutey cute moments as well as handsome broody sparkling blue eye moments and I’m reminded why he remains my #1 of all time. And it’s even better in person, trust me.

Followed closely by TIM F*CKING RIGGINS! My boyfriend Taylor Kitsch is back on our screens next year in Waco, a true crime drama series about a religious cult that includes people vying for the position of the messiah, a giant fire, and a shoot-out. He plays the wannabe cult leader David Koresh. I LEGIT CANNOT WAIT TO WATCH THIS. Also, never forget when I actually ran into my boyfriend that time on Portobello Rd and got my whole damn life. Texas Forever.

Speaking of Waco, everyone’s favourite local couple Chip and Joanna Gainesare taking some time off from rehabbing the town’s image by ending their hugely successful renovation series, “Fixer Upper” (which of course takes place in Waco and has made it a massive tourist destination – for a good reason this time!). This is weird because it’s doing as well as ever, they have gone on to have a million and one opportunities since then and they seem as happily married as ever. WHY ARE THEY TAKING ONE OF THE BEST SHOWS OF ALL TIME AWAY FROM ME? To “take a breather” apparently. Lame. Get some more assistants/nannies! How else will I get my fix of shiplap now?

The Streamys are officially the worst awards show of all time because UNHhhh didn’t win show of the year. I’ve never tried so hard to get someone to win an award. I tweeted about the damn thing like 3 separate times, all for my girls Trixie and Katya to win the award they deserve. Shit, Katya even turned up for the damn thing and looked better than everyone at the Emmys combined, graced them with some funnies, brought their cutie editors Ron and Chris along, and still lost. I’m furious. Look at this 100% biological woman. She’s perfect. Also I want everything about this outfit, from top to toe, but I am not worthy enough. Or rich enough. Those shoes alone…OMG what I would do for these shoes…see me with them shoes honey.

ALSO. Katya was touring Austraya over the last couple of weeks, so I finally got the chance to see her show. If you live in the greater Sydney area, just, in general, you may have heard me. It was amazing, obviously. I spent months looking forward to it and she did all the splits and tricks and jokes I was hoping for. AND she sang “Same Parts” AND “Read U Wrote U”. I couldn’t have asked for anything more. Plus I had all my best boys with me, stayed up ’til 3am (!) and danced my ass off. It was very out of character for me but also very fun. Let’s not go crazy and turn this into a “do things outside your comfort zone” bullshit thing though. I’m very happy in the comfort zone. Anyway, it’s a bit devastating that it’s all over now, but I’m also going to Dragfest next year and have a meet and greet ticket so now I have that anxiety to carry for 10 months. I literally think daily about what I will possibly say when I meet her and every time I stammer and can’t find any words. AND THAT’S JUST IN MY HEAD. I’m fucked. Maybe I shouldn’t actually meet Katya and have her think I’m a halfwit. It’ll crush me. I love her. She’s so smart. Have I mentioned how smart she is? She’s so smart. Not, like, intimidatingly so because she also seems very lovely, but I want her to think I’m smart. Argh. All in all, it’s been a pretty damn good week apart from the crushing anxiety that threatens to envelop me.