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Thursday, June 28, 2012

I Want Happy

I'm pretty skilled at understanding Greyson talk. I actually think it's pretty easy to understand- and I didn't even think twice about it...until we did an Autism assessment at the school district level (they needed to get an idea of what his capabilities were so they knew best how to place him in a classroom appropriate for his needs).

The speech portion of the report stated..Greyson's speech intelligibility was understood with moderate to severe difficulty....
And when citing specific instances of his communication said things like, Greyson gave a verbal approximation of 'I want door open'...
Verbal approximation? Are you kidding me? I clearly heard the actual words, I. WANT. DOOR. OPEN....Isn't that what everyone else hears?

Apparently not...

And one day a few weeks ago as I was listening to Greyson during Speech I realized...I am fluent in Greyson...and if you haven't taken courses in it- you probably can't understand what he is saying...only Michael and I can...and Teacher Amy...and some of the teachers who come to the house daily and have been schooled in Greyson speak.

Greyson's speech Goddess-Teacher Amy said it's still too soon to tell...But Greyson could have dyspraxia of speech, which is a developmental disability characterized by difficulty in muscle control, specifically of the muscles involved in producing speech- which can be common in Spectrum Kids. We are not sure if the brain isn't talking to the mouth muscles correctly- telling them what they need to do...or maybe the mouth muscles hear the message coming from the brain- but don't know how to put that into action.

Do you know how some people slur their speech after a stroke? Although the why is different- (stroke VS Autism), the what is similar (hard to understand speech. Poor articulation). And right now as I was looking through the speech portion of the report- thinking that I'm just writing and it's all business in my brain...suddenly I start to cry...tears on my cheeks and on my keyboard... because sometimes when you read a 24 page report of your son's uphill battle it feels like too much..Too much for him...too big of a To Do list for a 3 year old...And I want to stay up all night for as many nights as it takes and do it for him. I want to do his Science Project...his Book Report.... I wish I could do it all for him.
I am a Momma and it is my job to make his life extraordinary...and sometimes...since I can't always make it easier...I feel like a big fat failure...like I am letting him down.

Despite Grey's articulation issues, for the past week he has been saying a sentence with absolute clarity...

I want happy...

Michael said to me- What is happy? What does he want?

And though I usually translate...I am at a loss.

So each day when he tells me - I want happy...a few times throughout the day....I try to figure out what Greyson's happy is... And I don't know, so I ask him questions he might be able to answer...

Greyson, what color is happy?

Greyson, Can you point to happy?

Greyson, Where is happy? Show me. Take me to happy.

And so far I haven't gotten any answers and I haven't been able to figure it out. And it got me thinking...how many of us are also looking for our happy...Trying to figure out what it looks like...sounds like... feels like as we swish it around in our soul.

My diapering which frequently includes an unintentional one cheek wedgie makes me happy...

Coffee delivery from a friend today made me very happy! You know who you are!

And lunch from a new friend I am proud to call friend and her itty bitties made me so happy. Thank you Amy!Some people like to drink their happy... (look hard-it's there!)

Searching for happy...Such a Typical thing...

My poor Parker...he doesn't know what he did to deserve this pain associated with teething.

I wore Parker this morning because he wouldn't stop crying unless I was holding him.

I felt so bad for him...I held him, cuddled him...Tried to soothe him as best as I could...

When I would put him down he would search me out and chase me down.

By the end of the night I was trying to hide... avoiding eye contact with Parker. Yelling at Michael, Don't let him see me!!! Help me! Mommy needs a break!

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I lived in Santa Monica for about 5 years after I moved to California.
I wanted to take a friend out for a very special birthday to a restaurant I heard about through word of mouth called The Buffalo Club.

I drove by where I heard it was, and saw nothing...I called information.. nothing.... Their shtick was no advertising... exclusivity...At the time there was not even a sign out front...I finally got their number from a write up in a food magazine and made a reservation... and when I got there...they were packed...

They are a little more mainstream now...

So, until our Life with Greyson stickers get a little more branding..They are like The Buffalo Club was many years ago...Exclusive...Mysterious...beckoning people to come inside... And I think that's kind of cool.

I'm still thinking of a tag line. I don't want it to be anything to do with Autism- because I want all sorts of people to read it...not just folks affected by Autism....and if I didn't have a child with Autism I wouldn't think I had any need for a blog that I assumed was only about Autism....not knowing it was actually a blog trying to change the World...

Will you please help me share Awareness for Autism by sharing these stickers. I'd love to send you some. I can't do Grey's Book Report or sciene project, - but I can change the World for him....with your help...