Hello everyone. "Simon Says" was always my favorite game as a kid, so I thought it appropriate to make it my alias. I'm not an alcoholic, but I am an addict. My parents divorced when I was very little. I never saw much of my dad, but when I did it was like he wasn't there anyway. My mom was heavily into alcohol and other drugs, and I don't think (until recently) she has ever dated anyone without some serious sh*t on their rap sheet. Even in high school I had to deal with listening to whatever sh*t-head boyfriend she had beating her.

I don't feel like anyone has ever truly cared for me, and I think that's why I reciprocate this now in my adult life. I don't have anyone I would truly consider a bestfriend, and I certainly don't have enough respect for anyone in my family to want to talk to any of them. My mom kicked me out the day after I graduated. I pretty much f*cked up my own college plans shortly afterward with my addiction, so I decided to join the service. It's been approximately 4 years since I left my hometown, and I have been living outside of the US for 3.

If I could describe how I feel about my habit, I would say...idk...I don't even know why I'm writing this. I've never talked this much about myself before, and I have no clue why I'm doing it now and especially over the internet. I feel like...like there's an Anti-Simon standing next to me all the time. Tugging at me and trying to pull me towards the things I really want. I wouldn't say I don't feel any emotion toward anybody, because I do, but I always feel like I have to put on a mask for everyone, like I always have to fake it. The only time I feel like I'm truly alive is when I let my Anti-Simon release me from the confines of my own inhibitions. You know? Like, letting somebody drive your car from the passenger seat with your foot on the gas. That's how I feel about it.

Anyway, I just came here to see if I can come to further understand myself. Thanks for reading.-Simon

Like, letting somebody drive your car from the passenger seat with your foot on the gas.

I have heard that car analogy in relation to our powerlessness combined with our fear driven actions. I can identify with that. I do not know what it feels like to be a drug addict, but as a member of an online Public Information Committee, I suggest you try na-recovery dot org.

We sorta specialize in alcohol. Peace.

If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php

A.A. is for alcoholics, Simon, but "we are sure that our way of life has its advantages for all." (Foreword to First Edition)

Send me a PM if you have trouble finding someone near you who can help.

======================="We A.A.s do not *stay* away from drinking [one day at atime] -- we *grow* away from drinking [one day at a time]."("Lois Remembers", page 168, quoting Bill, emphasis added)=======================