I’m at Cheshire coffee watching a movie called the Human Centipede. So far I grossed out the guy sitting behind me. He left. My neighbor was here getting a coffee and chatting with me while I had in my earphones and watched three people conjoined ass to mouth fetching a newspaper. My life will never be the same.

My neighbor left without ever looking at my computer screen, but the people that work here may have gotten a glimpse.

People that were enjoying their coffee outside just came in to throw out their empty cups and say bye to the workers. Everyone seems so cheerful and innocent while I watch a chinese guy defecate into the mouth of a young American girl.

Is there anyone in the world actually sick enough to do something like this? It makes me wonder about God and how he can allow these people to exist. But if we took away the ability to choose whether or not to sew people together ass-to-mouth, then there wouldn’t be free will anymore.

Centipede’s are gross.

But I really want this centipede toy. I can freak out so many people with it. I can hide it underneath the blanket on my massage table (better yet someone else’s massage table). I can stick it in my mailbox for both my mail man and parents to enjoy. I can throw it into someone’s pool. I can bring it to a fancy restaurant and throw it on top of my main entrée for a free meal.

What else can it be used for? I can tie a leash to its head and drag it around town with me.

I just had a great idea. Me and my friends go to this Halloween party every year and dress up in similar costumes. One year we were Goldie Locks and the three bears, the year after that we were the Scooby Doo gang and now this year – next month we will be The Human Centipede!