The narrative is: Canadian guy meets Hiroshima gal, then they have a couple of baby girls. The lighter side of bicultural parenting.

July 30, 2014

The Beat Goes On

Our
youngest has been temporarily nicknamed Raising Hell Daughter due to her ongoing
temper tantrums. While the War Between the Sisters has reached a kind of détente
(Elena punches back defensively now), the conflict has morphed into emotional guerrilla
warfare on the family. M’s blowups sneak up and hit you at your weakest point, when
you least expect it, and there is never any intel indicating one is coming.

Example
1: it is sunny and hot. Everyone is happy and we are having fun. Reward: ice cream!

You
get the picture--shrieks, rage, little girl-style punches and kicks directed at
closest family member…not good.

We
think it is a reaction to her displeasure in being compelled to go to kindergarten
since April. But, honestly, we are not sure what has brought this on. We have
asked her directly, but she communicates nothing back that pinpoints a specific cause, and the school says she is fine in the classroom. We are trying everything to
prevent these fights or fits: rewards, strict
orders rather than offering choices; giving control over little things when possible;
advanced distraction techniques (and even giving in to the ultimate eye candy -- videos);
avoiding boredom; trying to establish structure and routine.

I
even created visuals to work on the root issue:

EZ Two-Step Parenting
Business Strategy™

It’s
difficult to manage M’s tempests once they erupt. I use my Toastmasters-honed motivational
speaker voice to command her attention.

Eye
content: check.

Deliberate
body language: check.

Use
of visuals: check.

Careful,
slow explanation: check.

- “Hey, at the top E.
and M. fight, creating unhappy sisters. This equals an unhappy day for everyone.”

- "So, you have a choice now. What choice will it be?"Then
if that doesn’t work, we separate them.

Similar to those I make
in my workplace, I use visuals to cut through the clutter and render understanding. I
have repeated this pep talk a few times with the girls—repetition builds awareness, and awareness is at the
top of the purchase funnel, even for kids.

But
they ain’t buyin’ what I am selling right now. Especially M.

Is this a power struggle?

Little
kids are constantly looking for ways to have more control, so I’m not surprised
that if we let Marina have veto power, she’ll exercise it. We love our little dickens
and are just going to wait out this storm as best we can.

Off
to Canada soon for a visit. Earnestly hoping the long trip, jet lag, new location,
patient grandpa, and the fun that is planned will jar us out of this tough stretch.