Isn’t she pretty in pink slips?

Today is Christmas, and maybe you’re reading my column while enjoying a cold mimosa and holiday brunch. Perhaps you’re preparing a big dinner for family or an intimate meal for a significant other. Frankly — and I mean this with all the sincerely that comes with the season — I couldn’t care less. I don’t even know you.

But ladies, I have some great news when it comes to eating, at least for the working women of America: Pack it in. Scarf those snacks. Consider it job security.

You know how we’re always struggling to lose weight, so that the holidays are a temptation minefield? You know how we feel guilty when we indulge, and deprived when we don’t? You know how annoying it is when girlfriends the size of Q-Tips whine about how fat they feel, so that you dream of secretly spiking their protein shakes with ground pepperoni, like in that fine teen documentary, “Mean Girls?” You don’t? Well, maybe it’s just me. Never mind.

In any case, today’s Christmas gift to American females comes courtesy of the all-male members of the Iowa Supreme Court. And while their decision initially smacked of a horribly unfair ruling written by sexist Neanderthals who could set back women’s rights 100 years, let’s not nitpick. It’s actually a holiday blessing.

On Friday, in a story more suited for The Onion than for legitimate news, the state Taliban – I mean court — ruled 7-0 that a dentist acted legally when he fired a long-time assistant who was too hot for her own good. In its decision, the court decided that bosses can fire employees they see as an “irresistible attraction,” even if the employees haven’t flirted or otherwise engaged in any inappropriate behavior, unless you count breathing or walking around.

Melissa Nelson is a 32-year-old married mother of two. Her boss, dentist James Knight, 53, said he fired Nelson after 10 years to save his marriage even though she was a stellar employee. The dentist even told Nelson’s husband that he worried he was too attached and would eventually try to have an affair with her. And lest you think he acted in haste, he first consulted everyone’s favorite go-to guy when it comes to sex and relationships — his local pastor, who agreed that the girl must go.

“The question we must answer is ... whether an employee who has not engaged in flirtatious conduct may be lawfully terminated simply because the boss views the employee as an irresistible attraction,” wrote Justice Edward M. Mansfield. To paraphrase the rest of the ruling, he added, “It may not be fair, but hey, life isn’t fair. So get over it.”

And pass the potatoes, because this is a cautionary tale for working women who try to stay fit and look good. What’s the point, if the more attractive you are, the better the chance you’ll end up in the unemployment line?

“These judges sent a message to Iowa women that they don’t think men can be held responsible for their sexual desires and that Iowa women are the ones who have to monitor and control their bosses’ sexual desires,” said Nelson’s lawyer, Paige Fiedler.

See, this is why I eat. I’d hate to get fired for being irresistible, because I have no skills that would qualify me for a real job. I’m aware of my prospects because I routinely scan the want ads and have never once seen an opening for a former college English major who can express unpopular, uninformed opinions under tight deadlines.

So basically, ladies, we’re doomed no matter what. If we’re too fat, we’re ridiculed; too thin, we’re fired. So we might as well strap on the feed bag and inhale that holiday ham, because at least we’ll keep our jobs, which will enable us to buy more food and become more resistible.

Granted, that’s just my opinion. But hey, a girl’s gotta eat, right? So pass the fudge, and have a Heavy Merry Christmas.