No Survivors: The 15 Worst Teams In Survivor Series History

WWE’s Survivor Series pay-per-view (on the WWE Network during a free trial period, so … the Survivor Series free-per-view?) airs this Sunday. It features a “traditional” Survivor Series elimination tag team match in the main-event: Team Authority vs. Team Cena, with the future of WWE on the line. It’s terribly exciting.

To celebrate the annual event, we’ve burrowed into the archives and compiled a list of what we feel are the very worst teams in Survivor Series history. They range from the embarrassing to the pitiful to the unexplainable. From huge disappointments to flagrant mistakes. More than one of them involve clowns.

Give the list a look and let us know who your least favorites were. And remember: no matter how bad Survivor Series might be this year, it won’t be “Bushwhackers in Doink makeup” bad.

Well You See Hulk Hogan and Ultimate Warrior have enough energy in them to last 50 men apiece and all the others are worth 0.5 of a man, because they are not Hulk Hogan and Ultimate Warrior. That is how it makes sense in Kayfabe. Like what Hercules? Paul Roma? Warlord? The other one? Pfft, it takes Hulk Hogan 2 seconds to eliminate Warlord, Power & Glory aren’t fit enough to clean The Warrior’s Subatomic shitter the other one isn’t even an important fella. Wait I just remembered, he’s Rick Martel and he’s a bridesmaid and DiBiase yeah he’s good but he doesn’t doggypedal over the Saharan Desert whilst strapped to a spaceship, hell the Mexican’s only on the good side so those little Illegal Immigrants can rest easy knowing that Hulk Hogan & The Ultimate Warrior are looking after them. God bless Hulk Hogan and Ultimate Warrior because if you don’t you will not exist, part of the new Vinnie Mac rule book of 1990. helpme.

I attended Survivor Series 1993 live in person. I was 10 years old. I remember Lex Luger celebrating with Santa Claus at the end and snow falling from the rafters, Yokozuna and Undertaker hoss-fighting until they both got eliminated via countout, and the pair of sweet Bret Hart sunglasses I bought. Aside from that, I remember almost NONE of that show. I tried watching it on WWE Network recently and it is really bad.

I watched that Shawn Michaels and Knights vs. Hart Brothers match for the first time this year, and BOY that might be the biggest disparity between “talent in the match” and “quality of the match” I’ve ever seen. That awful match goes on forever and nothing interesting or exciting happens until Owen gets pissed after match.

I so lucked out on this, had none of the many issues others seemed to have with it, even the queues, on my server. The only reason I didn’t make it to 100 yet is cause I am stupidly trying to level two characters at once.

And yes, I totally geeked out at a WoW reference in a wrestling list blog post. If I wasn’t a happily married, gainfully employed, father of two (second baby born on Tuesday, just in time to spend some quality time with a new expansion!) I would worry about myself.

The second I saw the title I said to myself “The stupid mini Doinks team has to be top 5 at least”, and I was right. Too easy.

Survivor Series 94 was the first PPV I ever ordered growing up and man…. it was pretty terrible. The first match was all about setting up Kevin Nash to start his year long title run. Eh gads. One had Tatanka as an evil sell out to a white rich dude. They had a title match for Bob Backlund and Bret hart that you would think would be good, only the ending is ten minutes (seemingly) of Bret hart in a submission hold to involve his parents quitting for him. And of course, Taker in a casket match with Yokozuna.

Just an awful, awful PPV. But at least it has given me the fortitude to endure current WWE.

Have to disagree with #10 and plain clothes British Bulldog, in theory at least. The former were the best, most interesting parts of DX (+ baby Truth!) and are the reason the group lasted and became remembered as a fairly worthwhile thing. Therefore, I can’t really hate the death throes version for being just the good parts, even if they were directionless. As for Bulldog, wrestlers wrestling in street clothes is one of my favorite things ever, and he is the reason why. I gladly give this version a pass for being important to my fandom, and the Mean Street Posse have grown on me a bit over the years.

The Doinkwhackers on a Mission’s opponents probably deserve a mention in their post, if not a spot of their own on this list, because they certainly didn’t do that gigantic trainwreck of a match any favors. Poor Bam Bam… :(

I’m going to say it: When DX were together, X-Pac was absolutely the best member. Still great in the ring, played his role within the group effectively, and just seemed like the guy who most fit the idea of whatever the hell “D-Generation X” were supposed to be.

@(Large) Jim- I guess it’s a stretch to call them good, but The NAO were the best of the bottom of the barrel that was DX. Their addition changed the dynamic for the better and allowed DX to thrive well past their original expiration date. When people remember DX being great, it was the full group they remember.

@EtsukoMita_IsDyingInside- I will begrudgingly acknowledge X-Pac’s worth to the legacy of DX (and the 1-2-3 Kid’s title match with Bret Hart), but absolutely nothing else he ever did. Fair?

Chyna was just… unique enough for me to care about for most of her run, I guess?

@Zombie Shakespeare & @PreacherMan- I never noticed. Something about being a 12-14 year old kid with ADD having to rapidly switch between Nitro, RAW, & stupid sitcoms because my dad didn’t like wrestling, but the wretched shitstain that was Everybody Loves Raymond (amongst others) was appointment viewing to him. Whatcha gonna do? I did call these theories before I started my rant though. And the theory of wrestling in street clothes being phenomenally badass to me still holds true, even when it has functionality issues,

His entire 1-2-3 Kid run is awesome, he was still consistently great in-ring through about 2000, and he was legitimately the first post-territory American indie star. He even has the CHIKARA match against Generico as a feather in his cap. I mean, I’d never dispute him being a moron and ultimately a disappointment as a performer, but when he was on, he was fuckin’ on.

The Truth Commission are an underappreciated terrible Attitude Era-gimmick; post-Apartheid Afrikaaner militant terrorists. Because that was really something that people wanted in 1997. It’s doubly bizarre because the DOA already implicitly represented whatever white supremacist element was deemed necessary for GANG WARZ, and that’s who they faced off against.

“THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE GROUP THAT HATE BLACKS IN THE WWF, WHO WILL IT BE?”

Hacksaw was on a team with Hogan, Bossman, and Tugboat that year… against Earthquake, Haku, Dino Bravo, and The Barbarian. The heels were also called “The Natural Disasters”, predating the tag-team a good bit.

I could have sworn the Oddities had a Survivor Series match but I could be wrong, wish they would bring this back as more than one match at the show at least the mid card would have something to do then

“but the other guys weren’t good enough to crouch in the crate that sent them back to OVW and out of our lives forever.” It’s not just King of Trios; I (and Danielle and John) saw two of them wrestle in a local NY promo this past weekend. Didn’t try to buy a photo with them though; was too busy talking with Team Tremendous and Drew Gulak.

Duggan/Patera/Roberts/Santana is a perfectly cromulent team if those guys are all at their peaks. I think that’s when Duggan REALLY became a cartoon character after he was a great “everyman brawler” in Mid-South, and it’s Patera post-prison stint, so it wasn’t as good as it could have been.

Casey was only there because Rick Martel had gotten hurt (STRIKE FORCE 4 LIFE), and then their original two replacements in JYD and Brian Blair left, so he’s fungible. Swap him and Owen (who was playing the Blazer on Warrior’s team in the opener) and talent-wise, that’s a really good team.