19. "My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark."

20. "The funniest [writer] in person but rather boring on the page is, hands down, Leo Tolstoy. If I hear one more time: 'How many czars does it take to change a light bulb? None; they didn't have them in those days,' I think I'll scream!"

21. "The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are 'age appropriate.' For me that would be a shroud."

22. "Grandchildren can be so f---ing annoying. How many times can you go, 'And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink'? It's like talking to a supermodel."

23. "Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century."

24. "The only way I can get a man to touch me at this age is plastic surgery."

25. "At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents."

26. "I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present."