Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 11:51 amPosts: 8120Location: United States of New England

My baby shower is this Saturday (ugh). I originally wanted it 3/9 for two VERY SPECIFIC reasons.1. I wanted to have it 2 months before my due date just for comfort reasons.2. My best friend was due 3/22 and she was like the one person I REALLY wanted to come to my baby shower.

My mom decided my baby shower would be 3/30 despite all these reasons (why would I have a say?!?!)

Both my mom and my MIL were like “oh she can still come!” and I was like “no! she’ll either be super late and about to pop at any moment or will have a newborn!!”

My friend gave birth yesterday 3/25. So what’s the first thing my MIL asks me? if my friend will be bringing her 4 day old to my baby shower.

I honestly have no idea what her plans are but I told her long ago NOT TO WORRY ABOUT IT and that I did not expect her to come!!!

I personally think it’s completely wacky to bring a newborn out into the cold (though it’s supposed to be a bit warmer this weekend) into a room full of 30 strangers to cough on her and touch her and spread their germs all over her 4 day old self. Maybe that is just new parent paranoia in me?

I would invite her and see what she feels comfortable with. Everyone is different on this issue, and a lot will also depend on how her recovery is going. Its not always comfortable to sit or move around 4 days after giving birth.

_________________My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.

I would invite her and see what she feels comfortable with. Everyone is different on this issue, and a lot will also depend on how her recovery is going. Its not always comfortable to sit or move around 4 days after giving birth.

I agree. I probably wouldn't have been comfortable (physically) going to a party 4 days post-partem, but everyone is different. Let her know that if she feels up for it, you'd love for them to come, but understand completely if she needs to stay home.

How wonderful that you and your best friend are having babies so close together. The memories you make raising your children together will by far outweigh any disappointment of her not being at your shower.

It still stinks that she may have to miss it. I hope your shower is great either way.

Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 11:51 amPosts: 8120Location: United States of New England

Yeah I told her awhile ago it was 100 million % up to her and what she was comfortable with and that I in no way would be mad/upset if she didn’t come!!!I kind of think she will actually totally forget my shower is this weekend considering all that is going on right now having just given birth and im not gonna remind her!She and her husband should be concentrating on being new mom and new dad!I just think it’s wacky my mom and MIL expect her to be there :-PAnd you’re totally right we are so excited to have babies born so close to each other. I kept telling her it was gonna be a girl so it could be BFFs with BabyPunk. Not that they couldn’t be BFFs if it was a boy but we went to college together at an all-women’s college so we kinda got the whole girl power thing going on.

I had bad hemorrhoids and couldn't sit properly without an ice pack up my asparagus crack for 2 weeks (I had stitches after Beetroot and the 'roids were so bad, the stitches never bothered me at all; I had a tear with no stitches for Raygold and couldn't even tell because the pain in my asparagus was so distracting) and I was bleeding like a mo-fo and had crazy porno boobs, so, no, I wouldn't've been going anywhere for a couple weeks. ;D

(So, basically, the part where the baby is only 4 days old would not have been the issue for me....) ;D

As to whether or not I'd personally go, it would really depend on the situation and the person. It actually wouldn't have a lot to do with worrying about the baby getting sick for me-- you hold on to a baby that little so closely that it's not like you're passing it around to get germed up or coughed on.

But at 4 days after giving birth, I personally was a mess, leaking bodily fluids everywhere and such. With E, I was new to breastfeeding and so I would've felt awkward having to whip my boobs out at a party. I would've spent the whole time worrying I was going to gush blood all over or hit someone with breastmilk or the baby would throw up everywhere or etc. I went to the grocery store and stuff at that point but I sure didn't linger.

Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 11:51 amPosts: 8120Location: United States of New England

You guys bring up really good points about how SHE will be feeling 4 days post partum! I hadn’t even thought of that (probably because I haven’t gone through it yet!).

My MIL had FOUR kids so one would think some memory would have stuck but I guess not. But she totally thinks everything about birth and kids is like super fantastic amazing so she would totally go with a newborn all sore and bleeding with fire boobs and think it was fantastic to share with everyone.

I don’t know what kind of birth experience she had because I actually haven’t talked to her yet. her twin sister was sending me messages and then I saw the facebook pics but even if she had a super easy birth im sure she will be tired/sore/overwhelmed/etc

Although there will be vegan cake at this shindig so maybe she should make the extra effort!!!

I think it would be nice to still invite her but I can't imagine going to a party 4 days after giving birth. Like others, I couldn't sit comfortably, couldn't walk up or down stairs, was nursing constantly, no sleep, and would have been afraid of germs for my infant.

_________________I'm not asking for utopian dreams...just a little peace in this world. That's a logical thing. - Deee-Lite

I couldn't walk from my couch to the bathroom without being super dizzy for about 2 weeks after giving birth, so there is no way I would have made it to a party. If she lives nearby you could take her a slice of that delicious cake!

If I hadn't been having scary breastfeeding problems at 4 days, I would have totally gone to a baby shower (and we held our own party at 8 days to name Malka, there were at least 30 people there). I was going crazy at home already and I would've liked an excuse to get dressed. I felt physically pretty fine (although still super swollen from IV fluids, but moving would've helped with that), even after a 3-day, traumatic labor. You never know! She may be super cool with breastfeeding by then (or may be bottle feeding, I don't know what her plans are) and eager for an excuse to get out.

We were in the midst of the jaundice debacle at that point, so even though my birth was fairly easy, someone else's baby shower would probably have been the furthest thing from my mind. Invite her, tell her she's welcome but obviously you understand she might not feel up to it, and leave it at that. Then don't get bent out of shape if you don't hear from her for a month. It doesn't sound like you will, but...yeah I just wouldn't take anything she says or does personally because at that point in your baby's life things can just come up out of nowhere that consume all your attention.

with my first, i was feeling good physically at 3-4 days pp, but T was in the NICU. we went out for dinner though, at a place near the hospital, so i could have some real food (and a beer) and though i think i sobbed though about 50% of the meal, it was still nice to get out of the hospital for a bit. if my bff had been having a baby shower that day, and it was relatively close and at a time when i wasn't needing to pump or something, i would have probably tried to go (and then sobbed through about 50% of my visit).

this time, breastfeeding was easy, L was healthy and i didn't have stitches or anything, but i felt pretty wiped. however, i was also a little antsy, so if the party was really close and at a good time, i'd probably have tried to come, plopped myself down on a comfy chair and had people bring me cake and drinks and coo over the baby for a couple hours. and then i'd have felt guilty for stealing your baby shower thunder.

Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 11:51 amPosts: 8120Location: United States of New England

annak wrote:

We were in the midst of the jaundice debacle at that point, so even though my birth was fairly easy, someone else's baby shower would probably have been the furthest thing from my mind. Invite her, tell her she's welcome but obviously you understand she might not feel up to it, and leave it at that. Then don't get bent out of shape if you don't hear from her for a month. It doesn't sound like you will, but...yeah I just wouldn't take anything she says or does personally because at that point in your baby's life things can just come up out of nowhere that consume all your attention.

yeah i actually havent heard directly from her since before the birth and that's totally cool. her twin sister was the one sending me labor/birth updates and then i saw pics on fb.

im thinking i wont hear from her/talk to her until a month or so after MY kid is born and we've both settled into our new lives then we can hopefully do play dates.or maybe it will be 6 months who knows!