Differences in Men and Women – Soon2BeCatLadyhttps://soon2becatlady.com
Online Dating is going to turn me into a Crazy Cat Lady.Sat, 23 Mar 2019 18:03:08 +0000en
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1 http://wordpress.com/https://secure.gravatar.com/blavatar/f5590673651c011374bc8ce9e499532a?s=96&d=https%3A%2F%2Fs0.wp.com%2Fi%2Fbuttonw-com.pngDifferences in Men and Women – Soon2BeCatLadyhttps://soon2becatlady.com
Five Things He Prefershttps://soon2becatlady.com/2019/03/23/five-things-he-prefers/
https://soon2becatlady.com/2019/03/23/five-things-he-prefers/#commentsSat, 23 Mar 2019 18:00:55 +0000http://soon2becatlady.com/?p=27343It’s usually bad news when an opening message comes in shortly after midnight. I happened to be awake yet, so I opened the OKCupid app and read this message.

“What’s up”

Sigh… I decided this didn’t warrant a response so late at night/early in the morning. He must pay extra to see when someone reads his message, because about 2 minutes later, another message rolled in.

“I’m very attracted and interested in you”

“I’m half asleep so we will have to chat tomorrow.”

“Ok…me too”

He did wait till “tomorrow”- but his next message came in shortly after midnight again.

“You look fun”

I need to inform you that this guy has ONE WORD on his profile. “Passionate.” Which, of course, could mean nearly anything. I was willing to talk to him, but really wanted some more information before deciding if I was interested in him. I waited 12 hours and responded midday.

“I think I’m fun. It might be best to tell me more about you, though.”

“I’m not exactly sure what I’m looking for, but there are 5 things I prefer…”

I assumed another message was forthcoming.. so I waited. (Actually, I assumed he wanted me to press for more information. I didn’t because that wasn’t my request.) It came through at 9:15pm.

“Hello?”

“You didn’t finish your sentence.”

“1. A confident woman

2. Active lifestyle (not skinny…not obese)

3. Pubic hair visible (not completely shaved)

4. Great conversation (intelligent)

5. High sex drive

Keep in mind they are JUST preferences…are you any of them or all 5?”

Hahaha! I got so much more than I bargained for in asking for more information about him! I love that he prefers intelligent conversation – much like the one we were CLEARLY having.

“Wow.”

“Just preferences….not a checklist or anything. And there are valid reasons for each one”

“Are you any or all?”

It does fascinate me how people are comfortable saying things online that they would NEVER say to my face in public. I didn’t ask him what he’s looking for, and only two of his preferences are worthy of discussion with a complete stranger.

“I don’t think that’s any of your business.”

“Really? Why not? Are you insecure? It’s just pubic hair….nbd”

“I trim everything very short”

“Because you are a complete stranger and it’s none of your business. I’m not insecure at all; I just don’t feel like this is necessary conversation.”

He did send one final message, that I sadly was unable to read as he then immediately blocked me. But I bet it said something like “Wow, I just realized how terrible of a human being I am, and I shouldn’t be online dating. I’m going to cancel my account, best of luck to you!”

I do wonder why some men are quick to rush to the “you’re fat anyway” angle. When there was a chance I was going to play along and tell him about my pubic hair and sex drive, I wasn’t fat then. And his messages came through so fast, it’s not like he was studying my profile and then made this soul-searching decision. It was an attempt to make me feel bad, which he was unsuccessful at.

I can only hope that someday I see him in the wild, when he’s out with a bunch of friends. I would love nothing more than to verify his first name, and then say, “Right! You’re the guy I talked to on OKCupid who asked me about my pubic hair, and when I wouldn’t answer, you called me fat!” I mean – he did say he prefers confidence, right?!

]]>https://soon2becatlady.com/2019/03/23/five-things-he-prefers/feed/8soon2beacatladyGreen Card Husband?https://soon2becatlady.com/2018/04/05/green-card-husband/
https://soon2becatlady.com/2018/04/05/green-card-husband/#commentsThu, 05 Apr 2018 15:04:26 +0000http://soon2becatlady.com/?p=27267The online dating weirdos just follow me wherever I go. I can’t escape them! The latest comes from a Facebook message from Jamshed, who’s location keeps changing. At the time I am writing this, he’s from Mumbai. I also believe that he doesn’t understand the concept of time difference because I received a message from him at 11pm in the evening:

It also had my name on it, so I guess bonus points for a little bit of effort? I don’t believe for one moment that this photo is actually of Jamshed, but notice the gentleman in the photo, if you will. He’s wearing a wedding ring.

“What would your wife think, Jamshed?”

He decided not to respond to that, but again – late at night, sent another photo. This time it was one of those moveable pictures that I guess I’m too old now to understand. It was of a boiling cup of coffee, again, with the words “Good Morning.”

Fun CatLady Fact: I HATE coffee. (For those of you who don’t think we can’t be friends anymore: I’ve never liked the taste. I was also given a Jamocha shake from Arbys once by mistake. I consumed about 6 ounces of it and was VIOLENTLY SHAKING. I’ll have tea, thanks.)

“Coffee is gross. Send money.”

“Nagmoney or parasmoney?”

“Cash money.”

Obviously, I have no idea what parasmoney or nagmoney is.. However, I do find the name “NagMoney” HILARIOUS.

Although I have been on an online dating hiatus this year, I have considered myself an online dater for 6.5 years now. If this isn’t your first time here, you’ve read the highlights. I have always expected a specific something to happen, but much to my surprise, it never did. I must say that I am a bit surprised that I had to take a break from online dating sites for this momentous occasion to arise, but it FINALLY happened! Let me tell you the story; it’s pretty awesome.

It had been a really frustrating week. People had been getting in my head, and I realized I had forgotten all about the dog’s insanely expensive heartworm meds. The icing on the cake was having a tent and racks of clothes collapse on me at a festival. I was defeated.

I changed into comfy clothes, and logged onto my personal Facebook page. I had a notification of a message request. (If someone not connected to you on Facebook sends a message- it doesn’t let it through until you accept.) The message said “Hi” and I accepted the message:

And there was his junk, all the way from Ireland. I’d like to offer two pieces of advice to the man-folk who send unsolicited dick pics: 1) Don’t. 2) If you don’t follow step one, you best be sure that your junk is actually impressive.

After much deliberation on how, I responded.

“Oh dear. You should really have a doctor look at that.”

“Send me a pic of your”

Haha! He sent another one! His mistake was adding a “Send me a pic of your” before the picture. Game on, I’d be glad to send you a picture. (Dear person on Craigslist who’s photo I “borrowed”, I’m sorry.)

]]>https://soon2becatlady.com/2017/06/12/it-finally-happened/feed/7soon2beacatlady1066066aw3ZYs4dick-van-dyke-leadShirtless Bathroom Selfiehttps://soon2becatlady.com/2016/12/09/shirtless-bathroom-selfie/
https://soon2becatlady.com/2016/12/09/shirtless-bathroom-selfie/#commentsFri, 09 Dec 2016 00:30:55 +0000http://soon2becatlady.com/?p=27010Based on the title, it should be no surprise to you that today’s interaction is with a shirtless bathroom selfie dude.

“Hello there :)”

“Where’s your shirt?!”

He really should be lucky that I responded at all. I don’t often waste my time with ‘hello’ messages.

“I know right lol but how are you”

“That didn’t answer my question!”

“Fuck your question if you like it move along basic ass female”

Well, that made no sense… Nevertheless, I’m sure Mom is so proud.

]]>https://soon2becatlady.com/2016/12/09/shirtless-bathroom-selfie/feed/7soon2beacatladyWord Vomit?https://soon2becatlady.com/2016/12/06/word-vomit/
https://soon2becatlady.com/2016/12/06/word-vomit/#commentsTue, 06 Dec 2016 06:04:35 +0000http://soon2becatlady.com/?p=27006I talked about this exchange a little bit on my weekly dating podcast, “Nothing In Common.” If you aren’t subscribed to that, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE!?

Anyway – sometimes guys will send messages without the intent of pursuit? I don’t get it!

“Love the username”

He was correct in sending that, my OkCupid username is pretty epic. (It indicates that I am going to die alone with cats.)

“Thanks. I do too.”

“Mine should be toointensePeopleThinkHesFaking”

“I don’t get it.”

“I don’t half ass things”

“Ah. Well, that’s a good quality to have!”

“So in a relationship I don’t buy a gas station from the corner and grunt…”

Wait.. huh? I’ve dated some weirdos, but none of them have purchased a gas station before.

“I’d research vase designs and cultivate your favorite flower before arranging it myself and leaving work early to have dinner made etc. Before my partner got home So if average is 2-5 i only have 2 speeds 0 and 100”

“But multiple women (including ex wife) accused me of cheating and covering up for it because i was too nice”

“They didn’t believe I would go through all the trouble i did for our dates and surprises etc…. So now I’ve stopped trying.”

“So yeah tl;dr i don’t half ass relationships”

“Until now.”

“Untrue”

Okay, pause. Totally true, you just said you’ve stopped trying!!

“Now I just have a submissive under me… It’s a relationship of sorts but one where I can be as elaborate as I want”

“Just not the bring home to the mother type of deal”

“That’s.. A random piece of information you probably should have kept a secret.”

“Maybe? I’m not going to pursue a relationship with you So if I reveal too much what’s the worst that happens? Honesty try it”

“I’m confused. Why are you messaging me, then?”

“I told you first message.”

“You could have left it at my thank you. I’m a big advocate for not wasting people’s time.”

(Not that I wanted to date him anyway. He seems like the type of guy who might be a little too needy?)

“Why is that? You already know the outcome but you’re on here that’s a time waste”

“I’ve met several people from here.”

“But you’re going to die alone with cats… So you’re wasting their time”

As a woman on the internet, I get a lot of messages that are very complimentary towards me. Sometimes I “have an awesome profile” and other times I’m “gorgeous.” I always feel it necessary to send, at very least, a thank you. It’s nice when someone goes out of their way to compliment you.

“You’re gorgeous”

“Aww, thank you!”

“You’re welcome. :-)”

We very well could have ended our conversation here. That was certainly my intent. But, something inspired him to write again:

“I wish I could bury my face between your legs”

WHY DO MEN FIND THIS ACCEPTABLE TO SEND TO A WOMAN!?!?!?!? I assume the mindset is “I’d love it if a woman told me she wanted to spend some time between my legs.” Most of us females don’t find that a turn-on from a complete stranger. (Or even not complete strangers.) I’m going to encourage you NOT to send that type of message to someone on the internet.

I wasn’t quite sure how to respond to this. I could have ignored it, but then the blog wouldn’t be as entertaining.

“I have a court order against using men’s heads as a thigh master. I’m NOT going back to prison!”

“Lmao”

“Love the humor though”

All I can think of now is Prison Mike, from “The Office.”

]]>https://soon2becatlady.com/2016/10/20/scaring-them-straight/feed/7soon2beacatladyprisonmikeMaking Decisions For Othershttps://soon2becatlady.com/2016/08/25/making-decisions-for-others/
https://soon2becatlady.com/2016/08/25/making-decisions-for-others/#commentsThu, 25 Aug 2016 03:15:14 +0000http://soon2becatlady.com/?p=26914If you follow me on Twitter, or listen to any of my podcasts – you likely know I’ve been busy with relatives from overseas. But, online dating doesn’t wait around if you have family visiting, so I decided the blog shouldn’t wait either!

First and most importantly – DatingAdvice.com wrote up probably the nicest thing anyone has ever written about me. They are a website dedicated to all topics regarding dating and relationships, and I’d highly recommend checking them out. (Especially what they wrote about me! http://www.datingadvice.com/online-dating/soon2becatlady-hilarious-online-dating-blog — and ESPECIALLY before reading the following online dating interaction. I enjoy proof in the pudding that I honestly think online dating is fun, and I’m really not pessimistic about it. Don’t let the lines on the screen fool you!!)

My message for you today is DON’T MAKE DECISIONS FOR PEOPLE YOU DON’T KNOW!

I mention on my dating profile that I do not spend, and only save $5 bills. My online dating profile name also teases my blog, without totally giving it away.

“You can probably buy a lot of cats with all that money.”

“Especially because they are usually free!”

I’m sure you can all agree that I stated a true fact. And, because you now know for sure that I am an unrealistically optimistic person (thanks to DatingAdvice), you know that my response was me being nice!

“Free to get. Expensive to get rid of.”

“Preach!!”

He was right! I am pretty sure I could get a litter of cats for next to nothing. I fostered a cat once (for about 2 months), and I couldn’t PAY someone to take it off my hands.

“Are you really alone if you’re surrounded by all your cats and crazy thoughts?”

“Well, I don’t actually have any cats.”

“…yet.”

“True.. Soon!”

At that point, I gathered he knew my secret identity. If that were the case, I was essentially confirming. Cue the record scratch:

“You’re sexy. It’s too bad you take yourself so seriously.”

Wait… what? I was having a good time messaging back and forth until he decided my personality.

“You know how I take myself? That special power might be broken…”

“Yep. Its called sarcasm.”

“I haven’t been sarcastic with you at all.”

“I like your curves. You want to get coffee next week?”

I’m sure you can sense my eyeroll through the interwebs.

]]>https://soon2becatlady.com/2016/08/25/making-decisions-for-others/feed/4soon2beacatladyA Very Intimate Questionhttps://soon2becatlady.com/2016/06/07/a-very-intimate-question/
https://soon2becatlady.com/2016/06/07/a-very-intimate-question/#commentsTue, 07 Jun 2016 01:20:22 +0000http://soon2becatlady.com/?p=26879I understand that the protection of the computer screen makes it easier to say terrible things to people, as you don’t get to see their reaction. But, these guys have their faces, and names attached to this! No shame, whatsoever. 5 years later and it still floors me.

“Can I ask you a very intimate question?”

“I don’t know. Can you?”

I believe he meant “May I..”

“Do you wear your glasses while making love?”

I’ve told you before, and I’ll tell you again – glasses suit me.

“Why do you feel you should be privy to what happens behind my closed doors?”

“Was thinking of making you a proposal.”

In typing this out, I am now outraged at myself for not taking that as “marriage proposal” and going that route. Doggone it, CatLady!

“But that is dependent upon my glass wearing preferences during whoopee?”

“Yes. I want to finish on them.”

Ugh. I didn’t want to know the answer to my next question.

“Why?”

“I dunno, just think there’s something hot about trying it. Need even trying to get laid.”

I assumed he meant “Not even trying..”

“So now you’re supposedly classy, or something?”

“No just saying if you don’t want to go the whole way I’m open to ideas.”

Huh… last I checked, I didn’t consent to any of his ideas.. Suddenly, if I don’t want to “go the whole way”, there’s other options available? Lucky me!

“You’re making some pretty big assumptions.”

“Would you be open to the idea?”

“I’m not here for your sexual pleasure. And I don’t appreciate being treated like a piece of meat.”

“So you’re saying there’s a chance?”

]]>https://soon2becatlady.com/2016/06/07/a-very-intimate-question/feed/4soon2beacatladyI Have An Answer For Everything!https://soon2becatlady.com/2016/05/23/i-have-an-answer-for-everything/
https://soon2becatlady.com/2016/05/23/i-have-an-answer-for-everything/#commentsMon, 23 May 2016 02:44:43 +0000http://soon2becatlady.com/?p=26871I don’t really have much commentary for this one.

“Sex?”

“Female.”

“Cum”

“Can not compute.”

(Hehehe!! Beep beep boop, I am a robot!)

“I want you”

“I am not for sale.”

“Grr”

“Ribbit!”

He gave up after that one.

]]>https://soon2becatlady.com/2016/05/23/i-have-an-answer-for-everything/feed/1soon2beacatladyALWAYS Use Protection!https://soon2becatlady.com/2016/04/07/always-use-protection/
https://soon2becatlady.com/2016/04/07/always-use-protection/#commentsThu, 07 Apr 2016 01:27:55 +0000http://soon2becatlady.com/?p=26813Today I present to you, my dear reader, a fun CatLady fact. On a random whim six months ago, I went to the optometrist. I hadn’t had my “Disney Eyes” checked since grade school, and was about to sign up for insurance and wondered if I should purchase vision coverage. (Oh Adulthood, you’re so fun!) I assumed I still had perfect vision, but when I was asked to read the letters on the wall with my left eye – my soul was crushed. I am now the proud owner of way more pairs of nerdy glasses than I’d ever be willing to admit. (Most women like shoes. I hate shoes. But give me ALL OF THE NERDY GLASSES!) This is necessary information for today’s online dating horror story. By the way, this post is NC-17.

As much as I would like to, I just can’t take Tinder seriously.

I love the pigtails

As you can probably guess, in one of my Tinder pictures, I sport some very foxy pigtails.

Thanks.

Any luck with Tinder yet?

Hahahahahahahahaha!!!

How many pairs of eyeglasses do you have?

Oh my goodness.. a LOT!

And always on the lookout for more – so if you have any awesome online glasses store recommendations, send them my way!

Do you ever use them as an eye shield during blow jobs?

REALLY, dude?! I was caught off guard, and wasn’t feeling particularly clever, so I had a contest among a few of my friends to determine the funniest way to respond to this.

What’s a blow job?

I probably should have known better than to respond with that.

Oh? Innocent huh? Its when you kneel down in front on me and i pull out my cock, you open your mouth and see how far you can get it down your throat, and start sucking and tugging on it, taking breaks to suck on my balls. Sound familiar at all?