I thought my days of woe and misery were behind me, and that I'd live happily ever after.

I was wrong.

Law school is a harsh mistress. Working full time and going to law school is like having two harsh mistresses, both of which had ex-boyfriends with bigger penises than you. Suffice to say, even though you keep going back for more, it is an unpleasant experience.

Eventually the lawschool classes were only available from 6-9 PM, Monday through Thursday. This meant I only had Friday night and Saturday morning for jiu jitsu, and boxing was right out. That's fine. I could bide my time. I could wait.

Or so I thought.

Of course, life never goes along with your plans. Things come up, in suprising amounts, on Fridays. Other obligations. Work holds you late. Tests need to be studied for. All manner of things can keep you from even one hour of happiness per week. I became very depressed. My training had become sporadic at best. I could feel my skill level dropping off. This made me even more depressed. When I get depressed, I eat. Slowly but surely the weeks passed by, and the pounds start accumulating. This, obviously, made me in worse shape, which made me more depressed.

After a string of robbery cases on campus where people were held up with knives, and sometimes guns, I was also forced to face another reality: I had no weapons training. I mean, yea, I had fencing training. But I don't walk around with a sharpened foil. Granted, I had thought about it. There's an (albeit expensive) umbrella sword that pops out with the press of a button, and man, if I paired that up with a briefcase with a body armor clip board in it, it'd be like a sword and shield, and-

I had to be careful. I couldn't let my mind wander in that direction again. The "theory fighting" direction. Only madness and larping lied that way. Theory fighting is how I started teaching myself drunken boxing. But it made so much sense! Surely LOGIC itself couldn't be wrong.

I went back and forth many days, gaining weight, struggling to make it to my pitiful one day a week of BJJ, thinking about how I would react if I was mugged with a deadly weapon. I think rock bottom was when I thought about carrying a Katana in my car. **** me. That was pretty much the plotline for "Street Sword" by Phil Elmore.

I knew something had to change. Theory fighting was my alcohol, and I was the equivalent of a recovering alcoholic that had fallen off the horse, right into the horse **** in the gutter on the side of the road (I guess I'm a policeman that rides a horse and drinks? However one can be in a situation where you're on a horse in the streets in today's world, I guess).

For many days I looked within, only to be disappointed with the results. Was I to just fall into madness? Would law school be my downfall? SHOULD I START DRUNKEN BOXING AGAIN?

Finally, the answered appeared to me, as if a dream.

I found the only legitimate form of online instruction available. One that GUARANTEES a black belt, INSTANTLY. They sold me killing secrets that I've never seen anywhere else, passed down from father to son for CENTURIES.

No longer did I lack the self confidence to walk the streets. No longer did I need to step aside for any man. I finally gained the respect of my friends, my peers, and yes, even my family!

I could turn literally any item into a weapon, and INSTANTLY know how to wield it, including my own body parts!

That isn't even the best part though. In my welcome letter, they told me a "Sekret Frase", one that will summon ANY OTHER MEMBER to my IMMEDIATE AID in the event of a conflict. If I was in trouble, all I would have to do is shout this Frase, and suddenly I would find myself with the greatest backup money can buy.

And in the near future, any member of this fantastical brotherhood will receive one free stock share in the company! For no reason, what so ever!

I'll share this website with you, bullshido bretheren, because god knows you all need to be members. Join now! BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!

With the Dord Method, I guarantee* you'll be Superfighting like Singham but WITHOUT THE RISK of being caught up in spontaneous Bollywood mass-dancing!

In fact, as a part of "No Shave November", I hear the DordNation is promising automatic mustaches to people who sign up and pay their dues, DESPITE PERSONAL INABILITIES TO GROW A MUSTACHE, or your money back! WOW!!

* This does not constitute a warranty. The DordNation disclaims all warranties, except those which cannot be disclaimed by law. For those undisclaimable warranties, you agree to resolve all disputes in Dordic Arbitration, which is a process wherein you shall strike at each other with "truth knives" until only the truthiest is left standing.