I don’t think most people throw up when they’re proposed to by the love of their life?

LUCY

I’m not most people. Danny knows that.

KEV

And I don’t think most people eat Skittles while they meditate?

LUCY

Please refer to my earlier statement.

Beat.

KEV

You don’t seem fine.

LUCY

Kev, I swear. I’ve never been better.

KEV

Danny’s afraid you’ll say no.

LUCY gets up to start cleaning. There’s not much to

clean. She still tries anyways.

LUCY

How’s Joanna?

KEV

No. Don’t change the subject. What is all of this?

LUCY

All of what?

KEV

These books, this whatever you were doing when I walked in, avoiding Danny like you’re twelve and he just—

LUCY

I’m not avoiding Danny.

KEV

He asked you to marry him.

LUCY

I know.

KEV

And you have yet to respond.

LUCY

It’s a big question.

KEV

You’ve been with him for years.

LUCY

Only four.

KEV

Only four?

LUCY

You and Joanna dated for what six years?

KEV

And married for a year. What? Are you afraid of getting divorced?

LUCY

That’s not it.

KEV

Then what?

LUCY sits back down.

LUCY

Remember when I was fifteen and I decided I didn’t want to be…I don’t know…whatever we were. I wanted to be something with an actual church.

KEV

Yeah. And you chose to be Catholic. And you’d take all those bus rides to mass. You were obsessed.

KEV starts laughing to himself.

LUCY

Stop it.

KEV

Sorry. So what? Because Danny’s Jewish you don’t want to marry him? He told you he was Jewish when you two first got together.

LUCY

I know.

KEV

So…

LUCY slides further into the couch.

LUCY

I told him I’d convert. If we ever got married. But that I wouldn’t do it unless we were for sure getting married.

KEV

So you don’t want to be Jewish?

LUCY

No. That’s not it.

KEV

You should call him, Lucy.

LUCY

Well maybe that’s it.

KEV

Okay well then you need to—

LUCY

But then that’s so not it at the same time.

KEV

Right.

LUCY

You’re supposed to join a religion because you believe in it. And there are sooo many. You’re not supposed to join because you love someone who just happens to already be that religion right? Shouldn’t I believe in what I’m basically putting all my spiritual stock in?

KEV

What do you have against Judaism?

LUCY

Nothing. I just…I don’t know anything about it.

KEV

Okay. Then shouldn’t all these books be on Judaism? And not the whole spiritual spectrum?

LUCY

I didn’t think he’d ever ask me to marry him.

KEV

Seriously?

LUCY

Well no, not seriously. But…seriously.

LUCY gets up again. This time she’s not sure why.

KEV

Do you love him?

LUCY

Of course I do. I just don’t know that I’ll love his religion.

KEV

So that’s why you’re “God-shopping”?

LUCY nods.

LUCY

If I’m going to eternal damnation or save my soul, I want to at least be able to make a choice about it.

Pause.

LUCY

I love him.

KEV

I know.

LUCY

But this is a big step.

KEV

I know.

LUCY

A big scary step.

Pause.

KEV

Well, being Catholic is kind of like being Jewish but with more stuff. So maybe being Jewish will be easier.

LUCY

What?

KEV

You know, only half the Bible this time.

LUCY

That’s not how it works. (pause) There’s no hell though. That’s kind of nice.

KEV

Yeah.

LUCY

I should’ve never made that promise.

KEV

No.

LUCY

But I just didn’t think…it was a one night stand. Who falls for the guy they have a one night stand with?

KEV

Apparently you do.

Beat.

LUCY

But what if I go to hell?

KEV

Apparently there is no hell.

LUCY

But what if there is?

KEV

Lucy.

LUCY

What if I die and then I’m like “Damn you, Danny.” Literally.

KEV

What if you turn into one of those angry old people who lost the love of their life over something stupid?

LUCY

Religion isn’t stupid.

Pause.

KEV

Do you love him?

LUCY nods.

KEV

Then call him. Figure this out. Together. And if you go to hell, at least you’ll have the love of your life there with you.