Adam Carolla

Comedic radio and television personality Adam Carolla enjoyed a uniquely unscripted career as a radio and TV host, due in no small part to his irreverent wit and smarmy, laconic delivery, which earned...
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Those diligent followers of improvisational comedy will likely know the names Jessica Chaffin and Jamie Denbo, the Boston-born comedians who have taken to the stage internationally and created and starred in the satirical Ronna and Beverly television series. Speaking to Chaffin and Denbo, who appear in memorable roles in the acclaimed comedy The Heat, we instantly understand how their partnership allowed their careers to blossom: the two play off one another like lifelong friends. Chalking this up to a common language and, even more simply, the ability to make one another laugh, Chaffin and Denbo have a lot to say about comedy in general.
With experience in sketch comedy, television, and film — working in cities like Boston, New York, Los Angeles, and London — Chaffin and Denbo are a requisite for any aspiring comic looking to learn all that he or she can about the craft. The pair gave us some insight about their origins and using them to construct a brand of comedy that seems to transcend cultural barriers, about working on director Paul Feig's outstanding Sandra Bullock/Melissa McCarthy buddy cop comedy (which is now available on Blu-ray), and about the rattling conversation that seems to follow movies like The Heat about whether or not women are funny. The discussion will enlighten you.
On the beginnings of their partnership and working together in the comedy world…
Jessica Chaffin: We both grew up just outside of Boston. I grew up in Newton, Jamie grew up in Swampscott. My grandmother actually lived in the town next to Jamie's, so we were kind of living these parallel childhoods even though we didn't know each other. But we had, basically, all the same kinds of influences and references and knew the same kinds of women. Twenty years later or 15 years later, we both found ourselves in New York doing improv. Jamie did improv in college —
Jamie Denbo: Anything that doesn’t involve homework, or memorization.
JC: I was the exact opposite. I was doing homework a lot, and not doing comedy. And then we both ended up at the UCB Theater, so that's how we met initially. Jamie got there a year before me, so we weren't always performing together. We'd do special shows together. Actually, one of the shows that we did together — before we started doing Ronna and Beverly, which was several years later — was this show called Wicked F**kin Queeyah, where all the improvisers from Boston would do a show together during the Del Close Marathon. And I would say that's probably where our common language found its first footing.
Then we both moved to L.A. around the same time. It was Christmas in L.A., and the guy that was running — the artistic director at the time, Seth Morris, a very talented and funny comedian and actor in his own right — said, "Hey, are you Jews gonna be around?" And we said yes, and he said, "Do you wanna do a show called Kosher Christmas?" So we said, "Let's do something together." We had never done something together, but I think we had admired each other from across the room."
In Boston, there's this thing called the Matzo Ball. I think they do it in a lot of major cities. Christmas Eve is like Jewish Valentine's Day. So basically, all the Jews go out that night. Your mother drops you off and hopes you get the number of a pre-med student — a pre-pre-med student, meaning a 16-year-old who may or may not have done very well on his SATs. So what really happens is, you go there and you're like, "I thought I hated all these boys and now I hate them more." Jamie and I both have non-Jewish partners. But I would say that's how we exorcised those demons. [But] where do you put it all? It became Ronna and Beverly. We basically said we wanted to do something that has to do with singles. We ate a tube of cookie dough and talked about it. She was like, "I wanna be this person," and I was like, "I wanna be this person." We decided to basically make fun of these women who had been making us laugh for our entire lives.
On transforming their backgrounds into a career in comedy…
It's a funny circle. We left Boston to go be performers… and now, all these years later, the things that still make us laugh harder than anything are the people that we grew up around. So, we joke that we play either really high status Jewish mothers or we play scumbags. We were very lucky to get to do that in The Heat.
JD: We get to do both with Paul Feig, which is pretty great.
JC: He directed our pilot for Showtime in 2009. That's how we met him. We've continued a relationship with him, and he produced our show that we did in England — the Ronna and Beverly show — but also, he put us in The Heat and gave us a forum to do our nonsense. It was great. We had a terrific time.
JD: They always say in comedy, the more specific, the more universal. I think what happens when you get really specific about where you're from or who you are, something in that is able to reach people about their own specific quirks, and they just enjoy it for what it is. I say that because we've had such a diverse audience. Specifically for Ronna and Beverly, where we've done Telluride Comedy Festivals year after year, and we've performed all over England and had a television series there. These are not places where you'd think, "Oh, they'll completely understand Boston and Jews." I don't know that they do. But something in it connects with them. And the overbearing matriarch, the judgmental matriarch, the embarrassing matriarch — those are universal. So, when you fill it with your specifics, you're able to surprise them with new jokes. It's been really fun for us to introduce the world to the quirky, quirky, crazy stuff that is very specific to Boston Jews. It's a WASPy kind of Jew.
JC: I was going to say… everyone thinks [of] New Yorkers. "That's a Jew." No, there's Southern Jews and Boston Jews and Chicago Jews. There's such a specific thing to each of those… in Boston, actually, people assimilated much more quickly than they did in New York, probably because there were fewer of them. You had to just jump into the stream, whereas in New York there was a bit more of a ghettoization. The Lower East Side, or Brooklyn, or whatever. I'm getting too deep into the etymology of that kind of language. Basically, one [universality] is the matriarchal archetype that Jamie is talking about. But also, ultimately, the reason why these women are so funny to us is because it's the complete lack of self-awareness and self-consciousness about what they do. They feel completely entitled to their opinion at all times, and they feel that everybody should either know it or share it. What we're essentially doing, because we are young people playing old people, is satire. It's happening on two levels. Yeah, it's funny to watch those old women, but we put it through the prism of how we feel about how they behave, or how they treat us, or how racist they are, or whatever it is. That's what it is, I think, that people respond to.
On bringing their comedy to film, specifically in The Heat…
JC: I think that was always great about it. You work on a huge movie, with a huge budget, and huge movie stars. I actually think this is a real credit to Paul — you could be doing a Funny or Die video for free, or for like 12 bucks, or you could be working on a huge multimillion dollar movie, and the actual act of doing the part, the process, feels very similar. I give credit to Paul, making everybody feel comfortable, and giving you the arena to do what you do best.
JD: I also think that it starts on the page. The great thing about The Heat is that it was a great script and it was something in the area of what we do and already connect with. So we were really able to have a blast feeling confident that we could bring what we already knew to the table, and make whatever adjustments we had to make. Driving Sandra Bullock crazy, her character — that's not a situation that we've had onstage. We haven't had the opportunity to make her nuts or intimidate her or try to make her laugh. It was so fun to be able to do that, it really was. Honestly, especially now that I've just seen Gravity, I'm like, "We f**ked with her! That was fun!"
JC: I also think shooting in Boston [made] the whole thing so cool. It's the greatest set that you can dress: the entire city. You get to see these characters in their natural habitat. It's this weird "What's real and what's not real?" thing. I think that was super fun and super satisfying. Actually, that's why I think Joey McIntyre is so fabulous in the movie, too.
JD: What a doll.
JC: He brings such an authenticity to it.
JD: He never let that part of him fall by the wayside. That's just who he is. It's something he's proud of.
On Paul Feig's understanding of the language of comedy…
JD: He's really, really brilliant, and has incredibly confidence in his performers. I don't say that because he just lets everybody run wild. There's a reason he has chosen to work with Melissa McCarthy over and over and over again. Part of that is because he is very confident that when he lets her do what she does, he's going get everything and more. I'm not saying he's not a control freak. It is a controlled environment. But at the same time, he lets people have a certain amount of control, and it makes you a confident performer. It's this great circle of confidence.
JC: I remember the first day. The very first thing we shot in the movie was my scene when I come down the stairs. You had Melissa — who is such a formidable talent, and who you admire and adore, and who is boundary-less in how far she'll take something — and Sandra — who is a huge movie star. On the one hand, it's really intimidating. On the other hand, Jamie and I work together all the time and have a common language. All the boys that were on the [set] — Nate Corddry is a really old friend of ours, Joey is a really old friend of ours. Bill [Burr] we met there, but it was immediate. We get each other. So on the one hand, you're totally comfortable, on the other hand, it's terrifying. You never know, when you have a small part, how much you can do — that's one of the things actors don't talk about. You just show up and think everyone is friendly and nice and awesome. When you have a small part, you just want to go and do it and get it done with and not f**k anything up for anybody else. I said to Paul, "I just need to know where the boundaries are. How far can I go? How much time can I take? Just let me know what you want me to do." And he said, "I want you to be yourself. Take it as far as you can." When I was coming down the stairs, he kept being like, "Even slower, even slower." Like, the slowest walk down the stairs that you can possibly do. I don't think I even quite got there. But that was so freeing. And to do such a crazy melee of a scene — Jamie is running out of the car, and we're getting in a fight. We probably did that for three hours. I think that set the pace for the rest of the movie. "Oh, we can totally have fun and play and do our thing!" I think that made it easy for us.
On the infamous conversation about women being "not funny"…
JD: Blah, blah, blah. You know what? You can quote me. Women aren't funny. They're just not. Everybody wins. There you go.
JC: We just think people are either funny or they're not. How do you know? You either f**king laugh or you don't. We don't ever think about being women while we're working. I'm not trying out my new period jokes on Jamie. "I hope that this one lands!" We just crack each other up. Actually, that's the secret to our overall relationship and collaboration. We really make each other laugh. We're not laughing at each other because I'm like, "Oh my God, her boobs are so funny!" when she's running around on stage. No. It's your brain. It either turns somebody on or it doesn't. The rest of it is people that are just, I guess, scared.
JD: I agree, except with the caveat that Jessica's boobs are very funny when they are running around onstage.
JC: You're right. I apologize. That's something men don't have. Funny boobs.
JD: Ha. Suck it, men. You're not as funny as women because your boobs aren't funny.
JC: Did your boobs get their own credit in the movie, Adam Carolla?
JD: No they did not.
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Here's a podcast that will embrace its "adult content" warning with pride. The original bad boy of comedy Andrew Dice Clay is launching a new weekly podcast May 11 with Michael Wheels Parise, called "Rollin With Dice and Wheels." The one-hour-plus show promises to be "uncensored, filthy, raw, and opinionated," and feature guests who are celebrities, musicians, comedians, writers, and strippers. You can listen to it here.
Dice promises that his legendary rawness will separate him from the rest of the comedy podcast pack, because in recent years comedians have made a major, major move to the Internet. As audiences in general take free web content more and more for granted, comedy fans are much less likely to pay for comedy albums or pay-per-view specials. That's a big opportunity for up-and-coming comics who don't have to worry about trying to part their potential audience from their money, but a challenge to veteran comics as to how they will continue to monetize their content.
Today it's all about cultivating a personal brand by connecting directly to your audience via social media or free downloadable content like podcasts — about creating awareness and hoping that leads to monetary compensation in other ways, especially through live gigs, which still remain a comic's bread and butter. Dice has no problem with that. This is the guy who once sold out Madison Square Garden two nights in a row. But it's really smart that he's launching a podcast, because, unlike live gigs, which usually attract already-converted fans, a podcast can attract new fans and expand the size of his audience altogether.
Other comedians have realized this as well. Ricky Gervais' podcast holds the Guinness World Record for the most downloaded podcast of all time. Adam Carolla, Marc Maron, Jimmy Pardo, and Chris Hardwick also have very successful podcasts. In fact, you could argue that comedy podcasts now fulfill the function that comedy albums once did, by bringing the jokes directly to the headphones of the listener. Except that now this audio content is the most shareable and portable it's ever been. You could really listen to Andrew Dice Clay wherever you want. Which is why a podcast also makes more sense than having a radio series — you never need to worry about receiving a signal.
Of his new show Dice says, "I never felt there was one podcast that captured everything for me. Rather than wait around for someone else to do it, I said 'F**k It! Let me do it.' So I teamed up with one of the funniest guys I know and think we’re going to have a podcast like no one else has.”
If anyone can stand out in the growing landscape of comedy podcasts, it'll be Dice.
Will you be listening?
Follow Christian Blauvelt on Twitter @Ctblauvelt
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“I’ve idolized you for 10 years, and you’ve made me hate you in 60 seconds.” That’s what amateur magic enthusiast turned magician’s assistant Jane (Olivia Wilde) says to Burt Wonderstone (Steve Carell) right after she first meets him... and after he’s put the moves on her while inside a trick box being filled with swords. I don’t know about you, but that’s kind of how I felt about Burt as well. Like Blades of Glory or Balls of Fury, The Incredible Burt Wonderstone is yet another Talladega Nights knockoff about a pompous jerk who’s at the top of his unusual profession, has a big fall from grace due in part to an even more pompous rival, then claws his way back to glory.
RELATED: Are Magicians Offended by ‘Burt Wonderstone’
It’s a funny thing about making a doofus the central character of your movie: if he’s legitimately stupid, like Will Ferrell's Ricky Bobby in Talladega Nights, you may find yourself rooting for him. That low IQ makes him an automatic underdog; but if he’s just a calculating jerk, like Burt Wonderstone, you might not. We certainly didn’t. I mean, Ricky Bobby is the No. 1 racecar driver because he can only count to No. 1. And when he’s dislodged from his throne, it’s because of real obstacles — a cheating wife, an ambitious best friend who becomes his rival, and a Formula One nemesis in Sacha Baron Cohen. When Burt Wonderstone loses he’s headlining gig at Bally’s in Vegas, it isn’t even due so much to Jim Carrey’s Criss Angel-wannabe street magician Steve Grey. It's because he’s just arrogant, lazy, and a bad performer. Here are 18 reasons we couldn’t root for Burt Wonderstone. (SPOILERS AHEAD!)
1. He treats his female assistants like sex slaves. 2. He insists upon calling Jane “Nicole” even though he knows that isn’t her name. 3. He makes his conquests sign a release form before having sex with him. 4. He makes his conquest Gillian Jacobs sign a release form before having sex with him. 5. He has the biggest bed in Vegas, capable of holding 24 for Caligula-style orgies. 6. He’s been doing the exact same act for 10 years, in outfits that’d look appropriate on a Europe album cover. 7. His skin makes us cry. 8. He treats his only friend, Anton Marvelton (Steve Buscemi), like dirt. 9. He’s terrified of the new, but his only response to rival Steve Grey’s “trick” of holding his urine for two weeks is to suggest holding his poop for 24 hours. 10. He terrifies the elderly by making their cherished possessions disappear. 11. He’s lost all passion for magic and is in it solely for the money. 12. He’s really bad at sleight of hand magic, and can’t even perform a simple card trick. 13. He employs dance moves straight out of a ‘90s Jazzercise class. 14. He actually says stuff like “Women Can’t Do Magic,” making him the Adam Carolla of magicians. 15. No man should expose his chest that much unless he’s named Ricardo Montalban (though it seems Steve Carell’s chest-waxing from The 40-Year-Old Virgin really stuck). 16. No man should have hair that long unless he’s named Fabio... or '90s Michael Bolton. 17. The trick that returns him to glory involves multiple felonies. 18. The only two things that make him slightly more likable than his rival Steve Grey are that he doesn’t crush a puppy as part of his act, nor call himself a "brain rapist."
The worst thing, though, about Burt Wonderstone is that he went from being a little kid who was bullied to being a great big old bully himself. Carell’s played some world-class jerks in his career — Michael Scott started out as one before becoming the underdog hero of The Office — but never one this completely unrelatable. We’d call it a “Disappearing Charm” act, except the movie never really had much charm to begin with.
What did you guys think of Burt Wonderstone. Are we being too hard on it?
Follow Christian Blauvelt on Twitter @Ctblauvelt
[Photo Credit: Warner Bros.]
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People in the media continue to argue over whether "woman are funny" (OK, mostly Adam Carolla). But sift through the past decade of comedy and it's painfully obvious that when it comes to making us laugh, ladies can bring it. Hollywood is slowly latching onto this, pipelining more and more female-led projects with cross-gender appeal. The only problem is that most of them sideline what makes the actresses spark. A woman is either handed a generic romantic comedy in hopes they will elevate the material, or a high-concept vehicle with a meaty ensemble (Bridesmaids and 2013's Identity Thief fit in here). Can't a lady just be silly, stupid, and funny like their male counterparts?
Yes. Yes, they can. And yes, they should.
Sundance's midnight premiere slate is annually curated with the weirdest and wildest in independent film, and 2013 proved itself worthy with the Monday night premiere of Ass Backwards. Written by and starring Happy Endings star Casey Wilson and June Diane Raphael (NTSF:SD:SUV), Ass Backwards tracks two happily delusional, life long friends in New York City — Chloe (Wilson) is a "rising star" dancing in a glass box at a club, while Kate (Raphael) is the CEO of her own egg donor company — as they hit the road to participate in a 50th anniversary beauty pageant. In their early days, Chloe and Kate were pageant losers, tying for last place after one particularly disastrous competition. Now they aim to redeem themselves — as long as they can actually drive themselves back home.
Ass Backwards is straightforward like a female-driven comedy is rarely allowed to be in big studio movies. The two friends are morons, and Wilson and Raphael never back down from acting like idiots in the name of landing a laugh. Like Dumb and Dumber, or even more appropriate, the last female-pairing to be this fearless in his desire for stupidity, Romy and Michele's High School Reunion, Ass Backwards pushes buttons and presents ridiculousness that's also familiar. These are the type of girls who sing along to a skipping CD recording of "Take on Me," swoon over the voice of their British GPS system, pay back the hospitality of a lesbian commune by handing out sexual favors, and get star struck when they meet a meth junkie from their favorite rehab reality show. Unbalanced, but relatable.
What makes Romy and Michele forever watchable, and why Ass Backwards could be a breakout hit when it eventually arrives in theaters, is that both sets of space case characters love their lives and love each other. Chloe and Kate face off in a sultry dancing competition at a local strip club and are routinely found squatting on the side of the road, but they're journey bubbles over with friendship. Everyone hates them — minus Chloe's Dad (Vincent D'Onofrio), who hands over every dime from his "backwards hat" store to his daughter — except for themselves. Making it impossible for us not to love them.
Wilson and Raphael have unique comedic voices, as crass as any male counterpart with strong female identity. They go big and physical with Ass Backwards, dressing their alter egos in over the top costumes (or "high fashion," as it's known in New York) and letting loose in a way that recalls the early days of Jim Carrey. It helps that Wilson and Raphael both come from sketch comedy (SNL and a handful of Adult Swim shows, respectively). They're well-versed in hyper-specific characters — and ones we want to spend more time with, just to see what trouble they weasel their ways into. Romy and Michele only returned for a subpar direct-to-DVD sequel. Let's hope Ass Backwards finds a big enough audience that we get a few more rounds with the lovable disasters Chloe and Kate.
[Photo Credit: Prominent Pictures]
Follow Matt Patches on Twitter @misterpatches
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Wreck-It Ralph lives in an arcade and while that may be a longstanding fantasy for many of the children of the 80s the shine has more than worn off for Ralph. He resides in a videogame called Fix-It Felix and has been executing the same program for thirty years. Pursuant to the game’s 8-bit edict he must endeavor to destroy an apartment building as a quirky little do-gooder with a hammer tries to repair it. Ralph is a badguy but is he a bad guy? Feeling out of order he flees the world he knows to see if he can take his unfulfilling existence to the next level.
At a cursory glance Wreck-It Ralph may seem to offer nothing to anyone bereft of a passion for classic gaming. Truth be told there are ample references to games and gaming characters and not without a deep and knowledgeable affection. The jokes don’t come from the mere appearance of these characters but also videogame fundamentals actually permeate into the traits of the film’s original characters. In fact possibly the most thoughtful nod to gaming is the jerky movements of the characters within the Fix-it Felix cabinet superbly calling back to the limited range of motion afforded to 80s-era arcade fodder. It’s a balance of overt reference and the methods by which various gaming trademarks play into Wreck-It Ralph’s overarching universe.
And that universe is precisely what will draw in even those who have never held a controller. The landscapes through which Ralph travels are varied and gorgeous: from his modest but charming 8-bit home to the dark and foreboding nightmare of Hero’s Duty and finally to the garish wonderment of Sugar Rush. There are so many styles and applications of animation at work each dedicated to the conceptual scenery changes. You don’t need to know how to play Tapper or even that it ever existed as a real game to recognize that his almost stop-motion movements clash delightfully with the CG Ralph. And no Halo or Mario Kart knowledge required to understand the depth of detail in the worlds of Hero’s Duty and Sugar Rush respectively.
But like any hardcore gamer will attest great games cannot live by rich environments alone. The best games like the best movies are founded upon remarkable characters. Ralph may be a arcade videogame villain but his appeal is as broad as his building-leveling shoulders. He represents that need in all of us to rise above our station to challenge the notion that we are predestined to one occupation or personality set. Ralph is a guy who’s bad because he’s programmed to be but he is constantly looking at the life he wants--the life of a hero--from the other side of the glass literally in fact. It’s a sweetly relatable theme that finds its way into other characters like Ralphs pint-sized nemesis Vanellope. It is from this theme that the movie derives the majority of its heart.
The voice cast here is exceptional but that should come as no surprise considering the characters seem modeled after the personalities of the performers selected or at least modeled after the characters they tend to portray. Ralph brought to life by John C. Reilly is a perennial sad sack with an awkward sense of humor that is somehow endearing. Voiced by Sarah Silverman Vanellope is a shrill snarky troublemaker who manages to be adorable despite herself. Felix is a dopey but sincere yokel…voiced by 30 Rock’s Jack McBrayer. Jane Lynch voices the bossy domineering female soldier with the endless vocabulary of put-downs. Need we say more? That’s not to say this approach is lazy; far from it. It gives the characters a fleshed-out lived-in quality.
Wreck-It Ralph significantly narrows the gap between Disney and Pixar in terms of excellence. It still seems strange to think of Disney and Pixar as two separate bodies but the fact is that as soon as Pixar made the choice to stand alone their films have outshined Disney’s by a considerable margin. Wreck-It Ralph borrows liberally from the Pixar playbook evident right from the moment the central conceit is revealed to be the bestowing of sentience and personality to inanimate entities. And like Pixar Wreck-It Ralph is at its most enjoyable and most clever when the audience experiences the functional mechanics of how these characters exist in their own world the specificity of their imagined living space and its logistics. Yet this time Disney has dug deeper than the amiable outward trappings and arrived at what makes us love the films of Pixar and quality family entertainment in general.
If there is a complaint to be had with Wreck-It Ralph it is merely that it introduces a fascinating and thoroughly entertaining concept and then limits itself to but a few outlets for its expression. The movie spends so much time in Sugar Rush and while it’s beautiful and captivating we wonder what the other games would have had to offer. It’s akin to Monday morning filmmaking “I would’ve done this” or “I would’ve done that ” but it would have been the cherry on the sundae or perhaps more appropriately the various fruits in the maze to have been able to witness Ralph’s interaction with other games.
By the time we reach the kill screen Wreck-It Ralph has used something as geeky and esoteric as the world of arcade gaming to warp us to a place of emotional resonance and utter delight. Suffice to say it has plenty of replay value.

I’m not referring to the winner of Celebrity Apprentice, who we found out Sunday night was Arsenio Hall, despite Donald Trump neglecting to give any reason whatsoever as to why exactly he was the winner. (Perhaps it was a pat on the back for claiming he found Lisa Lampanelli attractive? Because it certainly wasn’t based on facts or data — Clay Aiken raised $200,000 more than his competition.)
I’m talking about which celebrity came out on top in the image game. Our crop of 18 contestants have spent months attempting to strike an on-screen balance between appearing generous and, as Aubrey O’Day told us last week, making great television . It’s difficult — in order to find success on Celebrity Apprentice, you need to fuel a healthy dose of drama, lest you suffer the same fate as Michael Andretti, who either didn’t attend Sunday night’s finale, or is so boring, he was as invisible as Trump’s hairline. But bring too much drama to the table, and you run the risk of being despised by not only your fellow celebrities, but by the viewing public as well.
Still, though Lampanelli spent the majority of her Celebrity Apprentice run despicably insulting the likes of Dayana Mendoza for her supposed stupidity, the comedienne might have just won the image game. Just see the post-Mendoza episodes, in which Lampanelli remained calm and refined, acting much more like the woman who stepped into the game telling the women she hoped to avoid all catty behavior throughout the competition. By the time we reached the finale, our goldfish minds found it difficult to recall her cruelty, especially when the comedienne donated $10,000 to the opposing team, and spiritedly laughed while making fun of her own “menopausal” behavior during the competition. Even when Tia Carrere asked the audience to yell out names of celebrities that were difficult to work with, the response was as muddled as a Debbie Gibson track on fast-forward.
The image game’s runner-up? Adam Carolla, a contestant cut early in Celebrity Apprentice’s run after falling victim to the Michael Andretti Curse. (Trump want to fire Andretti. Carolla not allow Trump to fire Andretti. Trump get angry and fire both.) Not only did The Man Show host help ease Hall into a win, but he did it with a sense of humor that made you wonder why Jimmy Kimmel has scored all the success. Bonus points, of course, go to Carolla for getting Teresa Giudice to counter his claim that she’s naïve by stating she’s the exact definition of naïve. And for joking Giudice likely thought “naïve” was a brand of douche. Best line of the season, from Celebrity Apprentice’s best douche!
Of course, there are those who didn’t fare so well in the image game: Mendoza, though rightfully still mad about Lampanelli’s treatment of her, appeared bitter and ungrateful for her Celebrity Apprentice run; O’Day tried to talk her way out of her TV-friendly behavior, but managed to not come out as sunny as her newly dyed hair; and runner-up Aiken showed a somewhat controlling and impatient side of him that might alienate Claymates, despite his understandable stress. And I’d say something about Victoria Gotti, but [insert stereotypical joke about being in a car trunk here].
I’d also say Trump himself lost the game — what with his ridiculous interrupting habits, inexplicably claiming Hall didn’t find Mendoza attractive, and naming a winner without about as much rhyme and reason as Giudice — but is that possible after several fake presidential runs, several video arguments with Rosie O’Donnell, three marriages, a bad attitude at last year’s White House Correspondent’s Dinner, his hairline, Success by Trump, a pizza date with Sarah Palin, and Home Alone 2: Lost in New York?
Who do you think won the image game? Is the correct answer Andretti, since he didn’t even subject himself to the finale?
Follow Kate on Twitter @HWKateWard
[Image Credit: NBC] More: Celebrity Apprentice: Lou Ferrigno Calls a Winner, Slams Lisa Lampanelli Aubrey O'Day Talks 'Celebrity Apprentice': 'I'm Just Great at Making Television. Period.' 'Celebrity Apprentice': Are You 'Woot'-ing for Arsenio Hall?

Two months ago, I thought I had Donald Trump and his Celebrity Apprentice franchise all figured out. Folks like Aubrey O’Day and Lisa Lampanelli would be entertaining, sure, but they’d be weeded out one by one like a Trump spouse until we ended up with our final two: Clay Aiken and Penn Jillette.
Then Trump did something during a scent-related challenge that made little sense: He fired Penn after Trump fragrance executives slammed a slogan that Trump himself loved. Penn, you didn’t earn it! (The firing, that is. You’ve got to love a show that makes as little sense as a masturbation-themed Tide commercial.) I rejiggered my faulty Celebrity Apprentice ESP, and predicted entertainment would trump practicality, and Clay would instead be forced to face off against Aubrey, who I also predicted would take credit for the victory at Stones River in the finale. (Still could happen!)
But then Trump fired Aubrey last night for being “transparent,” which was unexpected since Jason Hawes and Grant Wilson never showed up during the course of the show. Instead, we learned I have the psychic abilities of JP Morgan, and Trump really, really, really loves Arsenio Hall. Enough, in fact, to send him into the final two with Clay Aiken — and enough to see him win the whole shebang.
I would be surprised to see Trump hire Arsenio — not only is the businessman as stuck in the 1980s as his hair, but last night’s penultimate episode seemed to point to a victorious Arsenio. Despite being one of the best players in the competition thus far, Clay has proven to be a surprisingly ineffective and combative Project Manager. It was bad enough that the former American Idol runner-up had difficulty finding any piece of land with grass in New York — a city that boasts a 2.5-mile stretch of grass in the middle of its most populous borough — but his behavior with Debbie Gibson during Muralgate was as obnoxious as people who lazily put “gate” at the end of a word to describe a conflict.
Now, I know enough about the tricky Celebrity Apprentice to assume its producers purposefully create conflict in the final episodes to ensure the process isn’t seamless for our final two. I wouldn’t count out the possibility that producers confined Clay to a grassless neighborhood full of refreshingly priority-driven New Yorkers that won’t let you take the baseball field from their kids, no matter how many times they voted for you on American Idol. And I guarantee a producer somehow convinced Michele Bachmann’s cameraperson to step in for Adam Carolla’s contact for Arsenio’s Magic Johnson bit. Still, Clay has not only made few fundraising efforts — does it matter what color a wall is if you only bring in a couple thousand dollars? — but also made a few enemies on his own team. Aubrey’s Arsenio-direct insults at the final boardroom will mean nothing if she hurls insults at her own Project Manager as well.
Of course, the very fact that I’m predicting an Arsenio win likely means Clay, instead, will pick up the title. (Or did I just now predict Clay, which means Arsenio will actually win? You guys, Monday thinking is hard.) Still, heading into Sunday’s finale, the only way I can get over my disappointment over Aubrey’s firing — and the inexplicable fact that Lou Ferrigno wasn’t brought back to help our final two — is to “Woot! Woot! Woot!” for our late-night legend. Sorry Clay — once a runner-up, always a runner-up.
Surprised by our final two? Does Clay have a chance to win, especially without the fundraising heavy-hitters?
Follow Kate on Twitter @HWKateWard
[Photo Credit: NBC] More: Celebrity Apprentice: Did Donald Trump Get the Final Three Right? Celebrity Apprentice: Now THAT’s What I Call a Boardroom! Celebrity Apprentice: Could Dayana Mendoza Make It to the Finals?
Celebrity Apprentice

Many of you might already know the answer to that question. But for those of us spoiler-phobes out there — who ignore online finale rumors in order to enjoy the ridiculous action of Celebrity Apprentice playing out on our TV screens live — Penn Jillette’s ouster on last night’s show was as shocking as the existence of consumers who want to smell like Donald Trump. If I were a betting woman, I would have placed all my money on Jillette’s placement in the finale — but, then again, I suppose I shouldn’t trust my instincts. After all, in the world of Celebrity Apprentice, your instinct matters about as much as being an actual celebrity. Why? Because absolutely nothing makes sense in the world of Celebrity Apprentice.
Even the razor-sharp Jillette (see what I did there?) mentioned he didn’t understand the series’ rules following his firing. Because there are no rules, Jillette! That’s why we saw the inexplicable firing of Adam Carolla and Michael Andretti earlier in the season, despite the men’s clearly superior Buick Verano presentation. (Boring contestants like Andretti make Trump angry. And you won’t like Trump when he’s angry that you’re attempting to keep him from firing boring contestants!) That’s why Aubrey O’Day’s team inexplicably won last night, despite a comically hideous Success by Trump display that made the cologne’s title seem ironic. (Even Apprentice alum George Ross couldn’t help scoffing at it like it was a 99 percenter.) And that’s why I’m finding myself wondering whether Dayana Mendoza — named the weakest contestant 11 weeks running — could actually make it to the finals.
The contestant has had an unfair shake — though Clay Aiken’s dismissal of Mendoza gives Lisa Lampanelli’s anti-Miss U.S.A. arguments more weight, Mendoza still has proven to be an earnest and driven worker. That’s not to say she’s a good worker. Her ideas, though delivered genuinely and sweetly, have been silly — an adjective that’s even worse when used to describe someone on a show in which Lou Ferrigno earned raves for dancing with a mop. Yet, Mendoza has nabbed a place in the Top 6, despite being brought into the boardroom a record six times.
So why hasn’t she been fired? First off, she was lucky enough to be Project Manager for a task in which Trump had clearly planned for the women to win — the best way to build suspense on a television show is to force a winning male team to lose by forcing a fashion task on them. And, secondly, Lampanelli was right to note last night that the beauty queen’s mistakes have been inoffensive — in order to find herself in a limo outside Trump Tower, she’d need to commit a Celebrity Apprentice sin. Like somehow prohibit Trump from firing the celebrity with the least drama potential. (Poor Carolla.)
And, of course, you can’t discount Trump’s appetite for drama, which is about as strong as his appetite for compliments and women half his age. As much as some might think the latter plays into Mendoza’s staying power — Trump doesn’t like to say no to beautiful women, which is why he’s been married three times — the businessman is far more interested in creating a TV series with an engaging storyline, which is why Mendoza sticks around longer than worthy contestants like Jillette. To pass up the opportunity to film Lampanelli’s face as Mendoza walks back from the boardroom would be as silly as buying a cologne from a man that looks like he smells like lemons and rusty gold.
So could Mendoza make it to the finale of Celebrity Apprentice? Though it appears next week she’ll be forced to face her undesirable record, I wouldn’t discount the possibility. Stranger things have happened in the Celebrity Apprentice universe. (See: La Toya Jackson’s staying power, Clint Black’s pornographic Tide commercial, Gary Busey.) And if she did, would we mind? After all, as a viewer, it is difficult to dislike the seemingly sweet beauty queen, no matter how undeserving of the title some might think she is. And, honestly, isn’t anyone better than Lampanelli?
Let me know your thoughts, readers: Could Mendoza actually make the finals of Celebrity Apprentice? And remember: This is a spoiler-proof zone!
Follow Kate on Twitter @HWKateWard
[Image Credit: NBC] More: http://www.hollywood.com/news/Celebrity_Apprentice_Lisa_Lampanelli_Dayana_Mendoza_Jealousy/24253750 ’Celebrity Apprentice’: How Has Lisa Lampanelli Lasted This Long? Aubrey O’Day: Always a Cast Member, Never a Superstar
Hollywood.com

The Playboy Club star was neck-and-neck with reality star Brody Jenner during the 36th Annual Pro/Celebrity Race in Long Beach when the two crashed in the middle of lap three, destroying Cibrian's vehicle.
He tells EOnline.com, "Carnage happened. It (my car) did a 180!"
The wreck meant the actor came in last place and Jenner was forced to bow out entirely since his car was beyond repair.
Sons of Anarchy's Kim Coates and The Pianist star Adrien Brody were also involved in collisions - Coates dropped out of the race while Brody managed to finish in eighth place.
It was comedian Adam Carolla who saw off the competition to snag first place for a good cause - car company Toyota plans to donate $5,000 (£3,125) in the name of each celebrity and pro driver participant to Racing for Kids, which benefits critically-ill children.

Last night MTV premiered the debut of popular sex columnist Dan Savage's new series Savage U after a brand new episode of their wildly successful reality show 16 and Pregnant. If 16 and Pregnant (and its spin-off Teen Mom) have made for the ultimate cautionary tale for young MTV audiences, Savage's blunt, poignant televised open forum will provide incredibly helpful insight for all things sex-related that likely won't turn its subjects into US Weekly covers. In short, it was an hour-and-a-half of programming that was the anti-Jersey Shore.
For those already familiar with the openly gay Savage, be it through his bitingly funny and refreshingly honest columns, his work as the pioneer of the groundbreaking It Gets Better campaign or even just his effective Internet stunt which has rendered Rick Santorum un-Googleable, the feel and premise Savage U likely came as no surprise. In Savage U, the 47-year-old, alongside his producer Lauren Hutchinson, visits colleges around the United States to have frank, safe discussions with students about their sex lives, kicking off in the premiere at the University of Maryland.
Whether he was visiting local bars, having deep one-on-one chats, or speaking with an entire auditorium, Savage's natural ability to make people comfortable with his compassion, knowledge and whip-fast sense of humor ("You'll know that you've won 'the game' when your husband dies") opened a dialogue. There's a sense, or at least the hope, that Savage U will generate the dialogue beyond just the colleges he visits this season.
Unlike MTV's previous foray into sex and relationship chat in the 90s with Loveline, Savage U gives an even more daring perspective. On Loveline guests could literally phone it in, but here young people are daring to say that not only is it okay to talk openly about sex, but it is important. Moreover, Savage manages to combine the best qualities of Loveline's hosts Dr. Drew (in-depth knowledge and analysis) and Adam Carolla (sense of humor, though Savage's is unequivocally less mean-spirited) while being even more approachable and likable.
There's no doubt that some of the dialogue will make some viewers squirm (at one point Savage jokingly referred to intercourse during a woman's period as "sex during Shark Week") and others may outright condemn the show for personal and moral belief systems, but here's to hoping it doesn't stop the series from catching on. The show is not only a learning tool, but a hip show. That's even rarer than finding a good relationship these days.
Better yet, even though the show focuses on the sex lives of college-aged adults, it provides priceless tidbits for viewers of any age and orientation. Some Savage gems from last night's premiere:
— "Cosmo sets expectations for girls in the way hardcore porn sets expectations for guys."
— "There are no normal guys and if you dump the honest foot fetish guy, you will marry the dishonest Necropheliac."
— "Don't be friends with people you wanna f---"
— "You have to embrace rejection or you'll never have a relationship."
While some of the moments felt awkwardly staged (particularly his meeting in the waiting room of a health clinic where he talked a young, sexually active, but sexually unsafe man) his authentic and important message of safe sex rang the loudest and the truest. Savage U is worth going back to school for.
Savage U airs at 11 PM ET on Tuesdays on MTV
Did you tune in for Savage U last night? What was your first impression of the series? Will it be a hit or will audiences shy away?
More:
MTV Welcomes Dan Savage
MTV's Real World Lives to See a 28th Season
Daniel Radcliffe Admits He's Had Sex with Fans

Debuted the syndicated morning radio program "The Adam Carolla Show" replacing a Sirius-bound Howard Stern

Hired to train young comic, Jimmy Kimmel, who at the time was a radio personality (Jimmy the Sports Guy) on the KROQ-FM morning show "Kevin and Bean"

Film debut (also co-wrote and co-produced), the semi-autobiographical film "Hammer"; premiered at the TriBeCa Film Festival

Trained with the famed Groundlings

Co-created (with Kimmel) the Comedy Central cult hit, "Crank Yankers"

Appeared in "The Adam Carolla Project" (TLC)

Joined the "Kevin and Bean" (KROQ) radio show; signature character was Mr. Birchum, a high-strung Vietnam vet shop teacher

Summary

Comedic radio and television personality Adam Carolla enjoyed a uniquely unscripted career as a radio and TV host, due in no small part to his irreverent wit and smarmy, laconic delivery, which earned a sizeable fan base among the bawdier audiences of cable TV and drive-time FM radio. Known for his cynical observational humor, Carolla loved pushing the boundaries of political incorrectness in a way that appealed to a wide spectrum of audiences, never really clarifying whether he chose easy targets in parody or to align himself with the broad comedy-loving masses. Fans suspected that the "no self-esteem" success was brighter than his 1.75 high school grade point average suggested, as he became co-founder of Jackhole Productions and co-producer of a number of successful TV comedies, including "The Man Show" co-starring good friend Jimmy Kimmel (Comedy Central, 1999-2004), "Crank Yankers" (Comedy Central, 2002-07), and the short-lived shows "Too Late with Adam Carolla" (Comedy Central, 2005) and "The Adam Carolla Project" (TLC, 2005). Following his film debut with "The Hammer" (2007), which he also co-wrote and co-produced, he joined the cast of "Dancing with the Stars" (ABC, 2005- ) in 2008 and started his unrestrained and highly successful podcast "The Adam Carolla Show," which underscored his status as a powerful comedic voice over the airwaves.