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I've had enough

Posted by Anonymous

11 Replies

I've been married for seven years. He can be an ass and can be sweet, but there are more ass days then anything. He works, doesn't go out with friends, doesn't smoke or drink. I like that about him. He's a good dad to my two boys, but can be on the defense with our daughter, which he isn't the true father, but he's been there since she turned two. I mention this cause it has a lot to do with one of our issues. Now, we fight almost everyday. He calls me a B*tch in front of the kids, he's pushed me down before, than again, I punched him quite a few times. He's so negative in life, it brings the whole family down. He doesn't allow me to work, but then again he doesn't try to better himself for us. I know the economy is down the whole right now, but that's not an excuse to try more for us. Yesterday we got in a fight and threatened me ever so nicely that he would beat me up if I try to leave. He's never got me before but it's still scary. One more thing, he doesn't like it that i spend time with my family, he makes my days miserable when i visit them. What do you ladies think? I'm venting but I would like to hear your opinion.

I think he's abusive and controlling. There has been times I was ready to leave hubby and no matter what he's never put his hands on me unless it was to hold me. Him not caring about hurting you, shows what type of man he is. He calls you names too?! I'm sorry Hun but he's not a good father and not a good hubby. You need to report it every time he lays a hand on you. If anything hear this. It's not you're fault, you aren't a bitch and don't deserve to be treated badly ever. He is a coward who likes to pick on others weaker than him. He is sick in the head and needs help, u need to take your children out of that environment right now. Leave when he is not there and be careful once he realizes that he has lost control over you he will become very dangerous. Hope you find The strength to stand up you and your kids. You deserve it! Your kids deserve it!!!

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
on Nov. 24, 2014 at 4:50 PM

Thank you, I have thought about leaving with out him knowing. That's my fear, him coming after me just to bother. Exactly what you say about him is what I've thought but never want to admit it. Thank you again

Quoting Texasladybug84:

I think he's abusive and controlling. There has been times I was ready to leave hubby and no matter what he's never put his hands on me unless it was to hold me. Him not caring about hurting you, shows what type of man he is. He calls you names too?! I'm sorry Hun but he's not a good father and not a good hubby. You need to report it every time he lays a hand on you. If anything hear this. It's not you're fault, you aren't a bitch and don't deserve to be treated badly ever. He is a coward who likes to pick on others weaker than him. He is sick in the head and needs help, u need to take your children out of that environment right now. Leave when he is not there and be careful once he realizes that he has lost control over you he will become very dangerous. Hope you find The strength to stand up you and your kids. You deserve it! Your kids deserve it!!!

No problem hun. I'd love to help you get a plan of action. My mom worked in a domestic voilence shelter for 18 years. I Used to play with the kids there, I've seen the impact first hand on what it does to them not just the wife. You guys deserve so much more. Look up the cycle of abuse, he is almost a spitting image of an abuser. They will knock you down so much and tear you down that you feel lost and crazy. Just to say sorry and start over.
I hope you can get the strength to leave. Just be careful.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Thank you, I have thought about leaving with out him knowing. That's my fear, him coming after me just to bother. Exactly what you say about him is what I've thought but never want to admit it. Thank you again

Quoting Texasladybug84:

I think he's abusive and controlling. There has been times I was ready to leave hubby and no matter what he's never put his hands on me unless it was to hold me. Him not caring about hurting you, shows what type of man he is. He calls you names too?! I'm sorry Hun but he's not a good father and not a good hubby. You need to report it every time he lays a hand on you. If anything hear this. It's not you're fault, you aren't a bitch and don't deserve to be treated badly ever. He is a coward who likes to pick on others weaker than him. He is sick in the head and needs help, u need to take your children out of that environment right now. Leave when he is not there and be careful once he realizes that he has lost control over you he will become very dangerous. Hope you find The strength to stand up you and your kids. You deserve it! Your kids deserve it!!!

What you need is to find a domestic crisis shelter and talk to them, explain the situation; when you leave take a bag with 2 changes of clothes for each of you, the SS cards for you & kids, Birth certificates, bank books that don't have your husband on them ( all the important paperwork); the shelters do not give out addresses for a reason, and some move every few months between houses. They can help file protection orders, get separation paperwork started, counseling if needed... they will even help you get foodstamps, find places to teach you marketable job skills etc. Ask me how I know... been thru it - 20 years ago AND yes the man became very angry and harassed my parents & friends - he hunted me after I left... I ended up having the shelter send me to one 2 hrs away. Thankful My parents supported my decision - they took in my 2 older kids (school age) and I kept the baby with me for 6 months til things settled, then I started over with all 3 kids and a beater car my mom bought me

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
on Nov. 24, 2014 at 5:24 PM

1 mom liked this

Wow, I am so sorry. You are very brave. My parents said to go home and they will help me too. It's great to have someone out there who can always give that push. You sound very inspiring.

Quoting purplerose60:

What you need is to find a domestic crisis shelter and talk to them, explain the situation; when you leave take a bag with 2 changes of clothes for each of you, the SS cards for you & kids, Birth certificates, bank books that don't have your husband on them ( all the important paperwork); the shelters do not give out addresses for a reason, and some move every few months between houses. They can help file protection orders, get separation paperwork started, counseling if needed... they will even help you get foodstamps, find places to teach you marketable job skills etc. Ask me how I know... been thru it - 20 years ago AND yes the man became very angry and harassed my parents & friends - he hunted me after I left... I ended up having the shelter send me to one 2 hrs away. Thankful My parents supported my decision - they took in my 2 older kids (school age) and I kept the baby with me for 6 months til things settled, then I started over with all 3 kids and a beater car my mom bought me

I think both of you have anger issues. And don't have the skills you need to have a happy marriage.

Hitting is NEVER allowed by either partner.

You might want to go to counseling together so your kids don't repeat these patterns. If he won't go, then you go. The counselor can give you tools to use in making your marriage better.

How were both of your parents and his parents? Lots of fighting and arguing?

Why did you 2 get married? If it was just the 2 of you, I'd say get a divorce and move on but there are kids involved. You both owe it to your kids to go to counseling and fix your marriage. It can be done. Good marriages don't just happen, they created by both partners working on the marriage.

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
on Nov. 24, 2014 at 6:52 PM

My parents are great, if they argued, they argue in the room, by themselves. But on his side, it's just explosion, you won't hear the end of it. It's chaotic.I know better about the hitting and anger issues, but he's twisting and pinching and hurting me. He puts me on holds that he knows I can't move. But yes, you're right there's no excuse. We got married because we thought we loved each other. He was a good man the time we dated, then it all disappeared. I have mention counseling, he says he doesn't need someone to tell him he loves me. I'm just fed up with everytime, waiting in what will set him off.

Quoting DisabledVet:

I think both of you have anger issues. And don't have the skills you need to have a happy marriage.

Hitting is NEVER allowed by either partner.

You might want to go to counseling together so your kids don't repeat these patterns. If he won't go, then you go. The counselor can give you tools to use in making your marriage better.

How were both of your parents and his parents? Lots of fighting and arguing?

Why did you 2 get married? If it was just the 2 of you, I'd say get a divorce and move on but there are kids involved. You both owe it to your kids to go to counseling and fix your marriage. It can be done. Good marriages don't just happen, they created by both partners working on the marriage.

That is completely abusive. I would have a back up plan. I would have a plan, and a way to carry it out and to be sure to erase your internet history. You need to leave, this is not okay for you or them.

I think both of you have anger issues. And don't have the skills you need to have a happy marriage.

Hitting is NEVER allowed by either partner.

You might want to go to counseling together so your kids don't repeat these patterns. If he won't go, then you go. The counselor can give you tools to use in making your marriage better.

How were both of your parents and his parents? Lots of fighting and arguing?

Why did you 2 get married? If it was just the 2 of you, I'd say get a divorce and move on but there are kids involved. You both owe it to your kids to go to counseling and fix your marriage. It can be done. Good marriages don't just happen, they created by both partners working on the marriage.

Send me email updates about messages I've received on the site and the latest news from The CafeMom Team.
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