Welcome

Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and
others concerned about HIV/AIDS. Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the
conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning: Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive
and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a
username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own
physician.

All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators
of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please
provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are
true and correct to their knowledge.

As you know I've imposed comment moderation at The Spin Cycle so that all comments posted in relation to our articles have to be approved by myself, Bucko or Red Ronnie before they're published. Since the regime has been in place, anonymous has not posted any further comments. All comments he did post about you have been deleted. He's an instant gratification whore. If he can't see his name up in lights straight away, then he won't post.

We're sorry this horrid person has done this to you. We're especially horrified that it happened on our blog. I know that words don't mean much in situations like this, but we offer them all the same.

I am so so sorry to hear this. It really breaks my heart. I really can't think of any posting on here that has affected me as much as this one.

i've been wondering about you lately, hoping everything was all right. I hope you'll come back and post some more. Actually, what I really hope is for you to come to Montreal. Is there ANY POSSIBLE WAY you can swing it?

I'm sorry to hear about your current difficulties and I realize you were very specific about why you posted. Your statement above gave me a lot of concern. I hope I'm just misinterpreting it. I wish things get better for you.

I am so sorry that this has happened to you. Your posts were always very articulate and thought provoking. I feel terrible that someone has sought to destroy a place where you could feel safe in expressing yourself.

PLEASE...be aware that your presence in these forums has meant a lot to me. I wish I knew what I could do to help lessen the pain that you are feeling. Please don't just disappear from these forums.

Iggy, I echo what others have said about being sorry for what's been done to you and a willingness to help in any way possible. I'm also not really sure what happened. It's a good thing that I and others don't know really what comments were made. This means that not as many people read whatever the ass posted about you.

I especially hope you don't allow this prick to win... whatever his goals are. You're what should be important to you, not some nameless individual who seeks to make you miserable. I know it's easy for me to say, since I'm not the victim here, but if he's ignored, he'll eventually go away. By not allowing yourself the support you need, you'll be the one who loses; that's not what anybody ('cept the anonymous poster) wants to happen. You're not alone in being HIV+, especially in a city as large as NY. I really feel for you in terms of the rejection from the guy you met. I think that's common to most of us who are living with HIV. The key word here is living... don't let this SOB keep you from living as you need to. Take care and get whatever support you need.

Iggy, I'm new here to the forum, but have enjoyed my short time on it. I'm sorry to see that even within the poz community, there are assholes who love nothing more than to kick a person when they're down. I truly am sorry for your having to go through this. Don't throw in the towel yet amigo, keep fighting back, and remember, the people who arewatching know your heart through your postings, and they can clearly see the the heart, or lack thereof, in the person who did this. Each of your charachter comes through, and guess which person obviously is the better person? Anonymous is obviously a total coward or he would have stood by his remarks by using his real name. Don't let him "win" Find the strength to take his bullshit with dignity, for it will increase our esteem of you, and further degrade his, weakening his what little strength and influence he has. Learn from this and let it stenghten you, you will need that sterngth for other battles in the future. Much love and luck amigo....Carl

Hiya Iggy,I just want you to know that you are loved, and appreciated here, by those of us who are not afraid of using our real names.We have had a few similar types come here and dish dirt via PMs. They are vicious, and crude. We have managed to rise above all that kind of nonsense, and hope that you can put this shithead's comments behind you.Let us help prop you up.

Big kisses and hugs for you friend. Lisa

Logged

No Fear No Shame No StigmaHappiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

So sorry that you are going through this . You used the past tense of win - won, ok he have won. So today, you should consider 'check-mate' him and tomorrow you shall conquer him.

Why should you ....'feel uncomfortable enough to participate here ' do you need permission to do that ??

......feeling so ugly ..... not if you let it, BEAUTY is in the eye of the beholder

.....feel that I was unallowed to seek help ... HOW COME you are letting this person have so much power over you LOOKS like you let it happen, so stop it !!!WE NEED YOU TO COME AND SHARE WITH US YOUR WITS !!

Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying,"I will try again tomorrow"

I've always held that the only opinions that matter to me, are from people who I know or those who know me. An opinion or comment should contain some foundation, no matter how mis-guided that might be, but it still requires a little knowledge to form that opinion. So when some mindless troll decides to attack you, please try and remember that who they are really attacking is most probably themselves.

I'd guess this cretin is jealous of your determination to make a better life for yourself. I suspect the coward thinks that by demeaning you, he will control what you do, so I'm somewhat dismayed that you would admit defeat, based on the actions of a coward. I'm all for freedom of speech, but that requires ownership of your words and actions. This person did neither, because they lack any character, morals, or even basic compassion for their fellow humans.

Iggy, I know you are not a quitter and I hope that with some time, you will realize that by surrendering to him, you are allowing him to retain control of you and some of your actions. I'm also a big believer in extending compassion to everyone and yes, that even includes this jerk. But the person who did this deserves nothing from you and you are under no compulsion to do anything in relation to anything they say.

You are going through some tough times right now and I suspect that this event, might have been the proverbial "last straw", but I sure hope not. You have proved yourself to be a decent and compassionate man and those of us here know that, as you can see by these responses.

Life will always contain jerks and assholes, who lack real lives and instead just seek to spread their misery and hatred toward others and what better way to do this than through anonymous attacks. If you can't be a big enough person to own your comments, "Then why the hell does anyone care what you say?" This fool does not know you, so their opinion is just so much hot air.

We however, do know you and care for you and we want you to remain here for a very long time. Iggy, you said it yourself, that you came here and thought you were finally obtaining the tools to deal with your status, so why let some fool ruin that for you? We both know you deserve better.

Consider this a "life lesson" and realize that only those who know you, can offer criticism or opinions, because they have something to base them upon. Anonymous postings have no basis in fact and therefore have no credence. Surely, you won't let some windbag scare you away. At least that is what I'd expect from the Iggy that I know and care about.

If you take nothing else from here, at least remember that we care for you and we want you in our family.

Hi Iggy. just wanna say The forums are a good place full of support. I'm so sorry details of your personal life and other private info got somehow "mixed into" to the forums... that's rare and not the purpose of the forums so please please come back

Alex

Johnny: "how" isn't that important when you compare it to how Iggy now perceives these forums (based on how that person wronged him). Iggy must decide for himself that these forums are a safe place that won't lead to bad experiences

I meant to post about this earlier, but I've been away for the last 2 1/2 days on other business. Like most people I have a life outside of the internet. My purpose in revealing these details in this thread is two fold. Many people are worried about Iggy and justifiably so. Secondly there is more to this story than has been revealed in this thread thus far.

The "anonymous" to whom Iggy refers in this thread is a troll who started making trouble on our blog some weeks back. He started out posting references to Bucko and myself. This didn't particularly worry us. The Spin Cycle is a pretty hairy blog. We know that we lead with the chin in our writings, that's kind of the idea. We take as good as we give.

For some reason, "anonymous" took aim at Iggy. As Iggy mentions he started posting comments that contained Iggy's full name. These messages were deleted by Bucko or myself, but "anonymous" simply would not give up. He started posting other messages that contained information about Iggy's past. Nothing terrible, just references that indicated "anonymous" either knew or knew of Iggy. These too were deleted and I imposed comment moderation at The Spin Cycle in the way I described above. As soon as I had done this "anonymous" vanished. No more comments from him have been received.

It appears that "anonymous" was not really interested in our blog, just in Iggy and the Spin Cycle served as a convenient vehicle for his spite. We believe that "anonymous" is or has been an AIDSMEDS forums member or at the very least has been a lurker here. Undoubtably the reason this person didn't attempt his vicious antics in this place is because of the high level of moderation imposed. Similarly the Administration in this place has at its disposal powerful IP tracking capabilties. "Anonymous" would have easily been unmasked and dealt with.

As it became clearer in this thread that Iggy had made some ominous decision, I emailed him asking if he was ok. I received no reply. Last Thursday Australian time, I again emailed Iggy asking him to let me know that he was alright. To my surprise he responded and verbatim I will quote it:Matty,

I wasn't going to respond as I think it gives a sense that I'm playing a game, but there is a fear in all of this that I am experiencing that I need to address.

It occurred to me that you and Brent might somehow feel a responsibility in this as the guy used your blog to do this to me - In hindsight I regret that I worded my message to him on the board in such a way that it even mentioned you two.

Please carry no weight of guilt in this and understand that even though what happened to me with anonymous is sort of what has finalized my decision - it was not the sole reason behind what I need to do. I have to wrap up a few more things yet but my mind has not changed; It's time, and I really want you to let this go now. I'm going to delete this e-mail account after sending this e-mail, so please do not respond.

Best wishes to you and all.

It is coloured by a steely and final tone.

I received this response early on Friday morning Australian time. As I said above I had to go away for 2 or so days on pressing business. Before I left, I PM'd a copy of Iggy's reply to AIDSMEDS Global Moderator Andy Velez since I considered the content to be of the most serious kind. I have also sent a carbon copy of the email to Brent.

I decided against publishing the details here on Friday morning. I have received no further contact from Iggy and as you will note from his quoted reply he expressly requested that I don't email him again. I have since received advice from Andy and from Brent and I now think it appropriate to post the details. I most likely would have done so sooner, but I was not able to access the internet until this afternoon. I regret any concern that the delay has caused people.

This has largely been an issue of Iggy's privacy, hence my terseness on this issue. Nevertheless it's clear I think that there are other issues in Iggy's life than just the behaviour of "anonymous". For Brent and I the leading concern has been Iggy. We care little for our blog in light of this or indeed any other matter. Nor do I think this has much to do with the AIDSMEDS forums either.

People will draw from this what they will. I'm posting this information because it's clear that there are many here who care for Iggy and I think that they have a right to know what I know about it. Moreso considering this last and chilling email.

au contraire mon ami Alex- au contraire Many people put up threads here for all kinds of info from what city to your birthday. If you read the papers you will see that between id theft and what goes on with the whole kiddy internet sex thing you Will see you really need to be diligent to what you give out.

The media is constantly warning people not to give out to much info on the internet. Since Iggy chose this forum about what happened as a fellow poster I think I as well as other posters would like to know if it had something to do with this site.

From my take Iggy is in a very vulnerable position to begin with. As we can see and a lesson to all be careful what you post. Many new people who come to this site are also feeling vulnerable , need to know while we are here to support them , the internet is open to anyone for what ever reasons they chose.

Since matty states that these two had a relationship of some sort before hand then it points out how important disclosing ones status can be, and its consequences. Yes it sucks, and I feel for the guy but in the end it is your own responsibility.

CheersJohnny

Logged

"You shut your mouthhow can you sayI go about things the wrong wayI am human and I need to be lovedjust like everybody else does"The Smiths

Thank you for the information. Iggy's e-mail to you only deepens my concern and leaves me feeling helpless. The references are not specific but they certainly suggest enough that anyone would conclude Iggy may be intending to harm himself.

I don't know whether the events that occured on Spin Cycle were significantly related or only one tiny piece of the pie. Either way I can't see how you could have done anything more than you have.

I've been looking in each day, in the hope of Iggy returning here. Thank you Matty for your message.My heart is very heavy for Iggy, as it is quite clear that he has been deeply wounded. I sincerely hope that he would be willing to allow us to wrap him in our arms of caring, but it appears he has come to an ominous resolution.

Dearest Iggy,I am abjectly sorrowed to hear that you no longer feel that this could be your soft place to fall. I can only hope that you are safe, and well, wherever you you are. I have come to truly appreciate your particular quirky humor, and your pathos of spirit. If you should change your mind, I will remain steadfastly here for you.All my love,Lisa

Logged

No Fear No Shame No StigmaHappiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

I've noticed quite a few members here live in NY, as does Iggy. I was hoping that somebody who lives there could make contact with him. It seems like Iggy's posted less and less lately, and when he does, they are more 'gloomy'. He's in a bad place emotionally, and I'd hate for him to make any decisions that can't be reversed. This really bothers me, too. I know people are concerned for Iggy's privacy, but I guess I'm more concerned with his life. Anyway, thanks for posting the update Matty.

If we know his info cant someone up there attempt to contact iggy. I havent been here very long but Im ready to fly! This man needs us as a family. Is there anything we can do?

Logged

LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safelyin a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT ARIDE!!!

Not at all. I was a little to quick to say things. Fret not. I'm sorry if you thought otherwise. Andy understands.

AC and the rest,

No further communication has been received from Iggy. We can hope for the best but I have to tell you that the best is probably that we won't hear from Iggy again. I hope to fuck that we will, but my Sissy Sense tells me otherwise.

Please let us know if you do Matty. I am holding out hope for the best. I attended a funeral last year of a good friend who took his own life, there were around 800 of us there. Iggy, if you read this please know that my friend could have called anyone of 800 people to help him and all of us would have at a moments notice. You're never alone as you may think. Good luck my friend and may the tide turn for you, remember there are several hundred on THIS SITE alone here for you!

A friend you have yet to meet,Andrew

PSMatty and Brent, your love and support of others is well documented and received. Please try not to dwell too long. We as friends can only do so much. Eventually each has to live and die his own way with his own demons. Do what you can and dont look back (too often).

« Last Edit: July 18, 2006, 01:19:15 PM by ACinKC »

Logged

LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safelyin a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT ARIDE!!!

Please let us know if you do Matty. I am holding out hope for the best. I attended a funeral last year of a good friend who took his own life, there were around 800 of us there. Iggy, if you read this please know that my friend could have called anyone of 800 people to help him and all of us would have at a moments notice. You're never alone as you may think. Good luck my friend and may the tide turn for you, remember there are several hundred on THIS SITE alone here for you!

A friend you have yet to meet,Andrew

PSMatty and Brent, your love and support of others is well documented and received. Please try not to dwell too long. We as friends can only do so much. Eventually each has to live and die his own way with his own demons. Do what you can and dont look back (too often).

Andrew,

For what it's worth I undertake to let the brothers and sisters know what I find out unless I'm sworn to secrecy. I doubt that I will be so sworn. Brent and I understand the complexities of this situation, but it's still unbearable.

That notwithstanding, your kindness in this horrid time won't be forgotten. You've made a great difference, not just because you tried but because you cared.