Yeah, I was in the show. I was in the show for 21 days once - the 21 greatest days of my life. You know, you never handle your luggage in the show, somebody else carries your bags. It was great. You hit white balls for batting practice, the ballparks are like cathedrals, the hotels all have room service, and the women all have long legs and brains.

Joe Reardon: He walked 18.Larry: New league record!Joe Reardon: Struck out 18.Larry: Another new league record! In addition he hit the sportswriter, the public address announcer, the bull mascot twice...[Joe laughs]Larry: Also new league records! But, Joe, this guy's got some serious shit.

Skip: Don't take this the wrong way Millie, but if I catch you in here again I'll ban you from the ballpark.Millie: You can't ban me from the ballpark because my daddy donated the scoreboard.Skip: What do we need a scoreboard for? We haven't scored any runs all season.

Your shower shoes have fungus on them. You'll never make it to the bigs with fungus on your shower shoes. Think classy, you'll be classy. If you win 20 in the show, you can let the fungus grow back and the press'll think you're colorful. Until you win 20 in the show, however, it means you are a slob.

Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: I don't hit no man first.Crash Davis: All right, then...[throws him a baseball]Crash Davis: ... hit me in the chest with that.Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: I'd kill you!Crash Davis: Yeah? From what I hear, you couldn't hit water if you fell out of a fucking boat.

Crash Davis: You having fun yet?Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Oh, yeah. Havin' a blast.Crash Davis: Good.[pause]Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: God, that sucker teed off on that like he knew I was gonna throw a fastball!Crash Davis: He did know.Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: How?Crash Davis: I told him.

Crash Davis: Well, he really hit the shit outta that one, didn't he?[laughs]Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: [softly, infuriated] I held it like an egg.Crash Davis: Yeah, and he scrambled the son of a bitch. Look at that, he hit the fucking bull! Guy gets a free steak!

Crash Davis: Relax, all right? Don't try to strike everybody out. Strikeouts are boring! Besides that, they're fascist. Throw some ground balls - it's more democratic.Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: [to himself] What's this guy know about pitching? If he's so good how come he's been in the minors for the last ten years? If he's so good how come Annie wants me instead of him?Crash Davis: Oh, hey, and another thing, Meat. You don't know shit, all right? If you wanna make it to the bigs, you'll listen to me. Annie only wants you so she can boss you around, got it? So relax! Let's have some fun out here! This game's fun, OK? Fun goddamnit. And don't hold the ball so hard, OK? It's an egg. Hold it like an egg.