Reminds me of the way I was feeling at my 97-year-old maternal grandmother's funeral last summer............the preacher would mention the deceased and that she was a preacher's wife like his OWN WIFE.........and then go on & on about his wife and preachers' wives in general with very little in there about my grandmother. In spite of the fact that she'd lived with her middle daughters in his area and attended church with one of them at HIS church for a couple of years before her failing health had her moved into a "home" (note - her daughters ranged in age from 59 to 74). Due to his being Aunt Three's preacher - nothing was said during the funeral nor did anyone tell him anything to his face, that I heard............. Several of family members thanked him for coming on a holiday weekend on short notice..............but the bulk of the conversation afterward was with OTHER family members. No one said anything to him about having enjoyed the sermon - and he wasn't the only preacher there - just the one who wasn't a relative who was supporting a family member...............

He did invite family members up to talk about memories of her - and there were many shared - I don't think anyone wanted to let him start talking again...........

I was raised in the Catholic church and after a while of being with DH I asked him why he was uncomfortable with the Catholic church. I wasn't trying to convert him at all, since I'm not very religious, I was just curious.

He told me that his only experience with the Catholic church was when his grandmother died (suicide) and during her funeral mass, the priest told all her loved ones that she would go to hell because of how she'd died. Boy did I ever cringe at that one and told him that while I agree that priest and tact had apparently never met, not all of them were like that.

He's attended a couple funerals and weddings with me since then though and while like me he's not religious and has no desire to go regularly which is fine with me since I don't either, he's a lot more open minded about it after seeing that the priest he encountered at his grandmother's funeral was the exception, not the rule.

When I was 3 our Priest told my CCE class that my Papa was in hell (because he was Episcopal) and that all my Dad's family except Uncle Eddie's branch would go to hell also.

That was the only time I woke my parents up with screaming nightmares. Once Mom figured out what had happened (put pieces together from things I said and that my friends parents told her about what they were saying), she came up with the perfect punishment.

Every night I woke them up - she called the rectory and woke him up. (She also filed a complaint with the Bishop's office and made it about him a) terrorizing a child b) not teaching the actual position of the church.

He knew my parents were a mixed marriage because he refused to marry them unless Dad converted (against doctrine).

They switched parishes, were married. He was transferred to their new parish. We moved, so went to a new parish. Old parish invited us to his going away party - that was held after he left and he wasn't invited. He was transferred to our new parish.

We moved to West Texas - were rid of him for years. Sis moved back. When she went in to talk to her parish about premarital counciling and the wedding, they suggested their new priest. She refused on the basis that 1/2 her family would walk out rather than listen to him. We also refused to allow him to conduct Mom's funeral mass.

My granddaddy was raised Baptist but had never been baptized because he just had no desire to be. He wasn't much into organized religion but for much of his life went to Mass with Gigi anyway just to make her happy and as he got older she didn't make him go as much and he'd usually go fishing instead. Well when his health started failing she got worried that since he'd never been baptized that they wouldn't be together in the great hereafter so she asked the priest to baptize Granddaddy.

Well the priest was pretty cool and he was even willing to go down to the fishing hole and from what I gather, Granddaddy hadn't been told about this at all. He, my dad and brother were out on the water and they brought the boat only partly in and my dad and brother got out. Father went out to the boat and asked Granddaddy if he wanted to be baptized and he said "Well if that's what Mama wants." But he said he did not want to be baptized as Catholic and Father said that was fine.

Well Father rolled up his pants legs and waded out to where the boat was to baptize Granddaddy and then years later after Granddaddy passed my mom and I were talking about it. She said "Well Granddaddy was baptized Catholic!" I said "No, he asked not to be baptized as Catholic and Father said he wouldn't be Catholic specifically that it was a generic Christian baptism."

Mom said "Well it was done by a Catholic priest so he was baptized Catholic."

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Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

I have an awful minister at a wedding story that I never wanted to post on the main blog. My brother got married outside in August - a boiling hot, humid August. The day of the wedding was a scorcher, so that even those of us setting up inside in the A/C were getting hot and sweaty. My sister, my then-brother-in-law, and myself were all corralled into helping decorate during the morning, under the supervision of the minister's wife. She proceeded to spend half the morning yelling at us, and insisting that we stay until all the decorations were up, even though we said we wanted a little time to shower before the wedding. She didn't let us go until 20 minutes before the ceremony was slated to begin, and we were all in sweaty T-shirts and jeans. We had to hustle like mad to get changed, but we made it.

Now, as I mentioned, it was boiling hot, so the pastor decided that as a mercy, he would cut short the hour-long sermon traditional for weddings in their particular church. The part he decided to cut out was almost all of my brother's duties as a husband, and none of my sister-in-law's duties as a wife. We ended up getting treated to almost 40 minutes of how my SIL was sinful and weak and silly, and must submit and obey because otherwise she would lead them into disaster (my SIL is a very sensible, practical woman, with a strong faith). My brother got.... 'You must pray for your wife, because you are responsible for her soul and her salvation. If she is turned from the gates of heaven, God will ask you why you failed to save her. You are responsible for her prayers - she must pray through you now'. That was the extent of his admonition in being a good husband - mostly more about how my SIL is sinful by very nature of her female-ness.

My sister was so mad that she walked out. I would've, but I was riding home with my parents, who did not leave. My father refused to have anything to do with the pastor, though.

I have an awful minister at a wedding story that I never wanted to post on the main blog. My brother got married outside in August - a boiling hot, humid August. The day of the wedding was a scorcher, so that even those of us setting up inside in the A/C were getting hot and sweaty. My sister, my then-brother-in-law, and myself were all corralled into helping decorate during the morning, under the supervision of the minister's wife. She proceeded to spend half the morning yelling at us, and insisting that we stay until all the decorations were up, even though we said we wanted a little time to shower before the wedding. She didn't let us go until 20 minutes before the ceremony was slated to begin, and we were all in sweaty T-shirts and jeans. We had to hustle like mad to get changed, but we made it.

Now, as I mentioned, it was boiling hot, so the pastor decided that as a mercy, he would cut short the hour-long sermon traditional for weddings in their particular church. The part he decided to cut out was almost all of my brother's duties as a husband, and none of my sister-in-law's duties as a wife. We ended up getting treated to almost 40 minutes of how my SIL was sinful and weak and silly, and must submit and obey because otherwise she would lead them into disaster (my SIL is a very sensible, practical woman, with a strong faith). My brother got.... 'You must pray for your wife, because you are responsible for her soul and her salvation. If she is turned from the gates of heaven, God will ask you why you failed to save her. You are responsible for her prayers - she must pray through you now'. That was the extent of his admonition in being a good husband - mostly more about how my SIL is sinful by very nature of her female-ness.

My sister was so mad that she walked out. I would've, but I was riding home with my parents, who did not leave. My father refused to have anything to do with the pastor, though.

Oh my. That is just dreadful. I'm amazed *anyone* wants to be married by this man.

Geez. And I thought it was bad at DD#2' wedding, when the preacher (the groom's grandfather) told her to vow to love, honor, and obey her new husband. I think that the family connection was the only reason she didn't slug him. Don't remember any particular sermon, though.

I do know that at the reception, they stood up and said their OWN vows, the ones Preacher Grandpa wouldn't let them use at the ceremony.

« Last Edit: May 18, 2012, 11:18:32 AM by Elfmama »

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My sister avoided getting a bad priest, by flat out telling the parish secretary that she would live in sin before she would let that man bless her marriage.

The secretary told her that pretty much everyone felt the same way.

He is just an all around jerk and a SS not involved in church scandals as far as I know. He seems to follow us around like a bad penny, we would switch parishes and he would be transferred there a few years later. Refused to marry my parents (mixed marriage allowed under church law), told me (age 3) my grandfather was burning in hell (Mom got him on that one in addition to filing official complaints - she called the rectory every night I woke them screaming in terror), called my then teenage sister ugly names)

These stories make me oh-so-grateful for the two men who married DH and I -- a Catholic priest (for his side) and a Baptist minister (for mine), working in tandem at my family's church. I know realize that priest could have gotten in trouble for how very laid-back on the matter he was, but I'm still grateful for the wonderful ceremony we had.

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“She was already learning that if you ignore the rules people will, half the time, quietly rewrite them so that they don't apply to you.” ― Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites

I the first story. I would have walked to the doors and tried to leave. If prevented, I would have called 911 about the now hostage situation. Either the Bride and Groom were fellow hostages or they were in on the hostage taking.

Agreed. If I truly felt that uncomfortable I would have walked right up to one of the ushers and said to him "I wish to leave. Please let me out now, or I'll be forced to call the police and tell them I'm being held against my will."

These stories make me oh-so-grateful for the two men who married DH and I -- a Catholic priest (for his side) and a Baptist minister (for mine), working in tandem at my family's church. I know realize that priest could have gotten in trouble for how very laid-back on the matter he was, but I'm still grateful for the wonderful ceremony we had.

That is a very cool priest! I have read that technically they (the Catholic priest) aren't supposed to do that, but it's cool that he did it anyway.

My friend's brother in law passed several years ago and was Greek Orthodox, and they don't approve of cremation so their priest wouldn't conduct the funeral liturgy. I can't remember what they did instead, but they found some other way, and his wife did not attend that church for a very long time. She recently started to attend again, and the priest who is now at that church is a lot more relaxed, and when he was talking to friend's sister, she told him that story and he said "Well, we're not supposed to, but it's really up to us in the end. So if you decide to be cremated, I'll do your funeral liturgy."

That, and several other reasons, are why my friend and her family love this priest.

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Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Never have I been more grateful for the formality of OurSect Buddhist weddings and funerals. No extemporaneous speeches, no eulogies, no sermons. Just the service, which includes relevant (and non-sexist) readings from our seminal literature. You can do whatever you want at any receptions, but there is something to be said for formality in churches and temples. We tend to avoid other people's services generally as a matter of sect form, write a condolence note, make the donation, and do a service of our own for the deceased, and just go to the reception for the weddings, if that is OK with the HC. We do explain that it isn't strictly kosher (mixed metaphor, I know) for us to go to other kinds of religious services. Sometimes we just decline and send gifts to weddings. I had no idea this stuff happened! How dreadful! I am at an utter loss. I am going to find my jaw now. It's someplace on the floor.

The non-sexist part made me think of something I saw on fbook. Uncle's fiancee is a pastor and everyday will post on fbook a biblical quote, a famous person quote, and her own funny comments. One of her funny comments was that the Episcopal church had dropped the "Obey" from the bride's vows and wondered if she could get away with shifting their wedding to the Episcopal church across the street. (She preaches at a non-denominational Christian church)

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Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata