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New Book Will Be Available in Paperback Shortly:
My new book, The Wild and Hilarious World of The Roswell Gang will be available in a paperback edition shortly. My sample copy arrived yesterday evening. My wife, Martha Peters, read my play last night. Both she and I were very surprised that she liked it. I didn’t think that she would like the kind of humour in the book, but she actually laughed out loud a few times while reading it.
Martha said that she liked the book and saw it’s potential.
I also can see the potential that the book has. Most people will find the book to be both funny and entertaining. It makes for a good reading experience if you would like to escape from reality for an hour or two. For example, if you had a rough day either at work or at school, reading this play just might cheer you up. I think that a lot of middle school and high school students would also find it highly entertaining. Both middle school and high school ELA and drama/theatre teachers might like to have their students act out The Wild and Hilarious World of the Roswell Gang. Speaking as a retired teacher, I would definitely use this play(with some discretionary tweaks) with my class.
Check out the price. The Kindle version is now selling for only $1.12 as an introductory offer on Amazon. The paperback copy should also be released to the public shortly. The paperback edition also comes with a beautifully designed glossy cover.
My goal in publishing this book is to have people read it and to be greatly entertained.
Thank you for checking out my book and keep on reading!
Ken David Stewart

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News Flash! Ken David Stewart’s First Book Will Be Available in Paperback Shortly!
As my wife, Martha indicated on her facebook page yesterday evening, Amazon.com sent us a paperback edition of my first book, The Wild and Hilarious World of the Roswell Gang. The copy we received was just a sample copy. Currently, the Kindle version of The Wild and Hilarious World of the Roswell Gang is available for purchase on Amazon. The Kindle edition is presently being sold at the ridiculously low introductory price of $1.12. It’s hard to buy a cup of coffee at this low a price.
You don’t have to own a Kindle in order to read this book in the Kindle format. Once you sign up for an Amazon account you go to Amazon.com online and can download the Kindle app that will work on most computers, smart phones, Ipods and tablets. Once you have downloaded the free app you can start reading my book.
As I am an avid reader I would strongly recommend purchasing a Kindle ereader. I have purchased every new kindle reader that has been released for sale. I presently own the Kindle Fire HD. In my opinion, it is worth every penny. The Kindle Paperwhite is also a great product. If you have trouble reading small print the Kindle ereaders may be the answer to your prayers. With the Kindle you can adjust the font size for your own reading comfort. I don’t work for Amazon or receive any commissions on the sales of ereaders so this is a brief honest recommendation for the product.

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Narrator: The hotel clerk opens the room for General Kane, Dr. Zorba and the Masked Mauler. He then shows Nurse Carrie to her room.

Sheriff: Bellboy, could you put on a pot a coffee and bring us a couple of packs of Marlboroughs? We will also need a night table and three chairs. Andy, Garney and myself will be staying up all night outside the prisoners’ doors.

Terry Mason: Hello, room service? Could you send up an eight ounce New York sirloin steak up to room one along with a bottle of your best white wine?

Dusty: What? Look pal, this is The Roswell Hotel not the Keg. I can send you a cheeseburger and fries. If you want something to drink you can pick up some beer at the vendor downstairs.

Terry Mason: You don’t understand, sir. This is Terry Mason, the famous lawyer. You’ve seen me on t.v.

Dusty: Yeah, right. And I’m Padlock.

Terry Mason: No. Padlock’s in room two.

Narrator: Dusty laughs and hangs up the phone. Meanwhile, General Kane, Dr. Zorba and the Masked Mauler are getting settled in a hotel room number three.

Dr. Zorba: Well, seeing as were going to be roommates for the night and all, I guess I should apologize to you, General.

General Kane: Apologize for what?

Dr. Zorba: For knocking you out back at the hospital.

General Kane: What would I be doing at the hospital? I got a splitting headache, but I wouldn’t go to the hospital just for that. I’m too tough talk to see a doctor about a measly little headache. I could use an ice pack and a couple of Tylenol, though.

Dr. Zorba: You don’t remember being at the hospital, General? This sounds like case of temporary amnesia.

General Kane: This is strange. The last thing I remember was teaching basic training to some new recruits but that would have been a couple of weeks ago.

Mauler: By the way Dr. Zorba I need to apologize for knocking you out cold with a flying head butt.

Dr. Zorba: I don’t remember anything about that. The last thing I remember was putting the camel clutch on General Kane. After that my mind went blank. Mauler, I need you to call room service and ask them to bring a cot. And ask them for an icepack and a bottle of Tylenol for the General while you’re at it.

General Kane: Good idea. Are you guys getting hungry? I feel like having some burgers and fries. Come to think of it I wouldn’t mind a bottle of good Kentucky bourbon and a case of Bud.

Narrator: The Masked Mauler calls the front desk and asks to speak to the bellboy.

Mauler: Bellboy, this is room three. We’d like to order an ice pack, a bottle of Tylenol, nine cheeseburgers, six large French fries, a bottle of Jack Daniels bourbon and twenty-four cans of Budweiser beer. Oh I just about forgot. We’ll need a cot for the room, too.

Bellboy: Room three? You guys are all prisoners. The sheriff wouldn’t allow prisoners to have alcohol in their rooms.

Narrator: The Masked Mauler shakes his head and then hands the phone over to General Kane.

General Kane: Listen son, when I was in Vietnam we used to cut open the cots that the VC used for sleeping. We’d pull out the stuffing and load them up with time bombs. And then we’d sew them up and wait for the enemy to go to sleep. After a few minutes of sleepy bye it would be just like the Fourth of July.

Bellboy: I catch your drift sir. You want me to take the stuffing out of the cot, load it up with booze and sew it up again.

General Kane: You catch on fast, son.

Bellboy: I’m taking quite a risk here, sir. What’s in it for me?

General Kane: Do you like wrestling, son?

Bellboy: I love wrestling but I can’t afford the tickets for the Air Force Base wrestling cards.

General Kane: I’ll tell you what, son. I’m the wrestling promoter at the Air Force Base. You carry out the plan we just discussed and I’ll get you a pair of ringside seats for the next card. Add some White Owl cigars and some pepperoni sticks to our order and I’ll make sure you get an exclusive backstage pass to meet all the wrestlers after the show.

Bell Boy: Hot diggity dog! I’m working on your order as we speak.
Narrator: After 15 minutes has passed the bellboy delivers the cot containing all the contraband to room number three. The starving guests rip up the cot and immediately dig into their cheeseburgers and fries.

General Kane: Hey, Mauler, turn on the TV. Let’s see what’s on.

Mauler: Hey, what luck! It’s the Andy Griffin Show.

Narrator: The three prisoners hear someone pounding on the wall from the room next door.

Nurse Carrie: Hey, do you guys have any food in there? I’m starving.

Dr. Zorba: Yeah, tons of food and drinks too.

Nurse Carrie: How do I get into your rooms so that the guards won’t see me.

Mauler: No problem. There’s a door here next to your room. It’s locked but I’ll use my Swiss Army knife to pick the lock.

Narrator: Mauler pries the lock open and let’s Nurse Carrie in.

Dr. Zorba: Nurse Carrie, what are you doing here? We’re all under arrest but we can’t remember what we were arrested for.

General Kane: Let her eat her supper first, Zorba. Can’t you see that the poor girl is starving?

Mauler: Yeah, I want to watch the Andy Griffin Show first anyway.

General Kane: Ha ha. There’s Lloyd the Barber. That guy cracks me up.

Narrator: While this conversation is going on, Andy Griffin is listening through a glass tumbler that he put up to the door.

Dr. Zorba: I have heard rumors that Andy can’t remember his lines.

Nurse Carrie: Those rumors are true. Watch Andy. Every time it’s his turn to say his lines he moves closer to Aunt Bea’s sofa.

Dr. Zorba: Why does he do that?

Nurse Carrie: Because Lloyd the Barber is behind the sofa whispering his lines to him.

Andy Griffin: That’s it Garney! I’ve heard enough. Let’s bust down the door right now and raid their little party.

Narrator: Andy and Garney force open the door and break into the prisoner’s hotel room.

Andy: Are you guys having a good time making a mockery of me?

Garney: Andy, how did they get all this food and alcohol up to the room? And how did Nurse Carrie get in their room?

Andy: All right, the party’s over boys and girls. Let’s get all the food and booze out of here and show it to Sheriff Pyle. Where is the Sheriff anyway?

Garney: Elmer’s still in the washroom. The poor guy’s been constipated all day.

General Kane: He might have fallen asleep on the toilet. Elmer had a long day and he’s not used to working this hard.

Dr. Zorba: The Sheriff’s no spring chicken either. He just has a couple of months to go before retirement.

General Kane: That’s precisely my point. The old guy needs his beauty sleep. Let him sleep in the bathroom for a while. In a few minutes we can ask the bellboy to get us another cot and Andy and Garney can lift Elmer off the toilet. We’ll let the Sheriff have a nice comfortable sleep on the cot tonight.

Andy: That’s very considerate of you General, but I’m still mad as hell about the way you guys were dissing me.

Mauler: Ha ha! We were just joshing with you, man. We knew you’d be listening to our conversation outside the door.

Andy: You mean you weren’t serious?

Nurse Carrie: Of course not. We know that Lloyd the Barber is a lying pig.

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Author’s Note For Roswell 1947, A Play
I decided to compile my writings in my serialized play, Roswell 1947 in a book to be self- published. This has turned out to be quite the undertaking as I had to search for sections of the play in many different places. I wrote this play in serialized blog posts over a period of years. I have attempted to piece the play together in much the same way that one would attempt to put together a challenging jigsaw puzzle. To many readers the finished product may not make much sense. This is probably as it should be as Roswell 1947, A Play turned out to be a surreal merging of fantasy, science fiction and comedy. It has been a labor of love compiling this play. Its purpose is entirely to entertain the reader.
Ken David Stewart

Andy: I’m on my way to the radio station to teach those two idiots, Dwight and Rick some manners. They’ve been dissing me all day on their show.

Sheriff Pyle: Well, maybe you could put that on hold for a little while, Buddy. Look, I need a big favor from you.

Andy: No problem. You didn’t charge me with three drunk and disorderlies last month.

Sheriff: I didn’t want to do that Andy. You are a hero to a lot of people in this town. Like I was saying I need your help. I got four perps in custody. I have to book them into the hotel overnight and I’ll need some help supervising them until they go to court for their hearings in the morning. Do you think that you and Garney Fife could stand guard outside their rooms tonight?

Andy: This sounds like real serious police work, Sheriff. You think you can get Garney and me law enforcement officer badges? Real ones I mean. Not cheap fake toy sheriff badges like they give us for the show.

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J. Edgar Hoover: Put your hands on the table where I can see them and don’t move.

Narrator: Hoover puts his cigar out in Dwight’s Styrofoam coffee cup

Dwight: What did you do that for? There’s an ashtray on the table.

Hoover: Are you questioning the FBI, son?

Dwight: Of course not, but what are you doing here?

Hoover: I just found a stolen government vehicle in one of your parking stalls out front.

Rick: What stolen vehicle?

Hoover: The dog catchers’ truck.

Dwight: Oh right, the two dogcatchers have gone looking for the keys. A rancher has the keys to the truck but the Air Force
kidnapped him.

Narrator: Hoover starts looking at the keys hanging on the key ring.

Hoover: Well, isn’t this interesting? This set of keys has Property of the City of Roswell written on it. I wonder if they might start the dog catchers’ truck?

Narrator: Hoover sends his assistant, Richard, out to try starting the truck with the dog catcher’s keys.

Private Enns: The keys started the truck up no problem, sir.

Hoover: You boys are in some real hot water now. Theft of a government vehicle will get you twenty years in the state prison alone. But that’s the least of your problems. Now, where have you hidden the two dog catchers and the rancher?

Rick: Mick Russell’s probably out in the desert getting shot by General Kane as we speak.

Hoover: And why would the Air Force want this rancher dead?

Dwight: Because the rancher found a crashed flying saucer and saw some dead aliens in the back of General Kane’s truck.

Hoover: How do you guys know about this? You’re probably Soviet spies.

Rick: No, we’re not!

Hoover: You boys are digging yourself in deeper and deeper every time you open your mouths. Let’s see now. We’ve got you on theft of a government vehicle, kidnapping, lying to an FBI agent, kidnapping, on possible homicide charges and not to forget being spies for the Kremlin.

Dwight: I have an idea sir. If we could find Harvey and Hoss for you, it will prove that we are telling you the truth.

Rick: Great idea Dwight! I think I know where to find them. The last time we saw them they were dressed up like cartoon characters. They were on their way to the compound to find Hoss’s car.