Moving On After A Relationship Break-Up

by Joi Sigers

One of the most difficult things a person can endure is the loss of a relationship. While the death of a loved one eclipses this loss, a break-up is also, in its own rights, a permanent loss. The relationship, which was once alive and filled with hope has now ceased to exist, leaving at least one of the people involved filled with emptiness and sadness. The following words are intended to provide insight, comfort, and (in our fondest hopes) encouragement. They are directed to the individual who knows that reconciliation is not an option.

When I hear from someone who is going through a romantic breakup, my heart truly breaks for them. Someone they loved is no longer theirs to love and the sadness in their words tells of, not only hearbreak, but a loss of self as well. It seems that one cannot go through a romantic loss without feeling that it's their fault, or that something is wrong with them. Before going any further, let's put an end to that myth immediately. People of all weights, heights, classes, looks and sizes have people who love them. There is no one "mold" that love-worthy people are cut from. Anyone who would insist on someone fitting into a certain mold isn't worth your time, let alone your heart. (More times than not, they aren't exactly cut from Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie's cloth, either!)

In general, breakups happen because the two simply can't find happiness together. Either one or the other realizes that they aren't a perfect match and they decide that it's time to move on. Often they move on, emotionally, long before they move on physically. Aloofness, coldness, a tendency to start arguments are all signs of someone beginning to pull away.

Even though it can be the hardest thing in the world to do, you have to let them go. If you plus him or her do not add up to both of you being happy, the equation isn't meant to be. For your own sake, as well as theirs, let go and move on - allowing them to do the same. The man or woman of your dreams may be just around the corner waiting for you. If you don't move on, you'll never find them!

How do you deal with the sadness in the meantime? First of all, stop kicking yourself. You are worthy of being loved! This particular relationship failed, you didn't. Learn from this lesson and move past it. Don't keep thinking about this person, by doing so you're just giving them more and more power to hurt you.

There's a great saying, "If you want a certain trait, act as though you all ready have it." I can't overstate how much truth lies in these words. Act as though you've moved on, and before you know it - you will have moved on. When you see this person in public, don't look at them waiting for them to see you or speak - just go about your business, smile and live your life. Life's too short and precious not to be lived with a smile on your face.

Whatever you do, don't let thoughts of making this person jealous, or thoughts of bitterness enter into your mind. You're much better than that! Just keep saying, "I'm moving on." Pretty soon, you will have done just that.

In the meantime, keep busy. Volunteer to work more hours, if that's an option. Choose an author who you've never read before and start reading each and every one of their books. John Grisham, Dean Koontz, Nicholas Sparks - they each have plenty of great books to choose from. Koontz, alone, has a gazillion you could tackle. He's my personal favorite author, so I may be biased, but I'd grab "Watchers", "Midnight" or "Odd Thomas" and then move on from there. When reading Koontz, you can't feel anything but goosebumps. If you're a little timid, stick with Sparks (my next favorite) - he's incredibly gifted but without the demons, monsters, aliens, etc.

If you have someone to talk to, do so. But try to move past conversations centering around the loss as soon as possible. Concentrate on what you have rather than what you've lost.

Above all, remember, love will come around again. But if you're looking BACk you'll miss it! Look forward, wear your best smile, and concentrate on getting the most from life. This sort of mentality and lifestyle will attract the sort of person you need in your life. The sort of person who'll make you smile so much your face hurts. He or she is out there waiting for you, maybe even going through what you're going through right now. The sooner you move on, the sooner you'll find real, lasting love. You deserve it!