Marathoners swear by BodyGlide to prevent chafing. In preparation for my first marathon, I smeared a generous coating in places you don’t want to read about. Knowing it would never be clean again, I threw the rest of the stick in the garbage; it lay there like an apocalypse-traumatized Marlon Brando. The horror. The horror.

Beyond the necessity of smearing slippery crap over nipples and nethers, there are a few other tips I picked up along the road to finishing my first marathon, which I just completed in Los Angeles this past March.

Before I pass them on to you, allow me to say one thing: Do it! If you don’t run, start. Because it’s awesome, that’s why. If you do run, you need to put a marathon on your bucket list. Finish one and you’ll understand why.

Here’s what I learned:

Train Hard, But Not Too Hard

Three months before the marathon I had never run further than 10 miles (a marathon is 26.2 miles, in case you weren’t aware). On the winter solstice I did a half marathon in 1:41, which is considered pretty damn good for a middle-aged guy with stubby legs who is built more like Batman Begins Christian Bale than The Machinist Bale.

After that half, I was neither tired nor sore and felt like I was going to kick the marathon’s ass. In other words, I lost my respect for the distance and messed myself up. I ran a couple of 16 milers in January at an eight-minute-per-mile pace (which would equal a 3:30 finish for a marathon) and ended up getting injured from the fast pace. It wasn’t the distance; it was the speed.

As a result, I spent February drinking beer and feeling sorry for myself. I should have elected a nine-minute-per-mile pace instead. My body was telling me eight-minute miles were too fast early on, but I wasn’t listening. Stupid.

Be Ambitious With Your Time

A sub-three-hour time is for the more elite runners. Us recreational folk dream of a sub-four-hour time. Some want sub-five. It doesn’t matter — just pick something challenging and go for it.

I was determined to get under four hours on my first marathon, injury be damned. Seasoned veterans told me I was nuts, that the first marathon is all about just finishing. But screw those guys. Life should be lived pushing for the wall. As Carl Weathers told Stallone in Rocky III, “There is no tomorrow!” I wanted under four hours, and I wanted it bad. So I pushed, and I got it. My time was 3:52. About 23,000 started the race, and I came in 2,127 out of 18,899 finishers overall. Go, me.

Eat Before If You Can And Definitely Eat Lots During

Digestive systems are personal things. I think there is merit in a big breakfast, but with ample time for digestion. I had the cardiac bypass special at a 24-hour breakfast place three hours before gun time, then nibbled on things like bagels and bananas as the race approached.

I’d spoken to one of the best sport nutrition experts in the world before the race — registered dietitian Nancy Clark — about my fueling strategy, and she persuaded me to eat as much as I could stomach during the race. I know without question this is what made it possible for me to finish in under four hours.

Nancy told me to eat before getting hungry and that any time I started to have a dip in mood or feel even a little tired, I needed to eat. So that’s what I did. I highly recommend her book if athletic performance is your goal.