“Ride a Freakin’ Segway!” is what this one boils down to. Oh, ok, those guys that did the Mentos/Diet Coke dancing Waters thing are gonna be there too this weekend, (I hope accompanied by a tape of Claire De Lune) but really, this is all about the opportunity to look as White & Nerdy as possible, captaining the device that was supposed to “change the way cities are built” around an obstacle course in the best possible time. If there aren’t prizes, there damn well should be. I dunno, pocket protectors or something… Gold-plated 20-sided dice maybe…

The Scitech Spectacular is full of cool things to do beyond the Segway, like the Rinspeed Senso, a car that ” senses the driver” and looks like the kind of thing you’d hop into to chase down people running away from Carousel. There’s a Hi-Tech (their spelling, not mine, some sort of marketing thing, I think) Sports and vehicles show, river education tours (Like, you get educated, not the river. The river was home-schooled and anyway, it don’t need your education, it don’t need your thought control), and all manner of other events, but allow me to reiterate: Ride A Freakin’ Segway. End of story.

Sound Bytes, 9:00 p.m., Wood Street Galleries, DahntahnWood Street Galleries continues it’s Sound Bytes series, a mixture of Art and Music with Natura Nasa, who are described as sounding like “something like a nightmare and a flying dream”. Gotcha, I dig it. I love flying dreams, personally. Hell, I just enjoy dreams. Like… Anyone else have that dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid, with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you? No?

“The man, the myth, the legend, Frankie Capri is performing at the St. Benedict the Moor/Epiphany Food Fest this Saturday from 2-5. Heck, I thought he was dead. If you haven’t seen Frankie before, it’s a once in a lifetime experience.”

“Ethnic food and the complete and utter lunacy of Mr. Capri. What’s not to like?”

I couldn’t have said it better myself, which is probably why they’re what I like to call “writers” and I’m more of a scribbler. Or a typist with a gift for googling local events. Whichever. The Fest runs all weekend and also has a Tiki Lounge. One more thing, and I have saved the best for last: they will be serving free beer during the Steelers game on Sunday. Lemme say that again: FREE BEER. Do I have to draw you a drunken picture? ‘Cause if I do, it’ll be a charcoal rendering of Sienna Miller. In the style of Renoir, if you know what I mean. Yeah!

Speaking of which, Sienna, baby doll, you never wrote to me. What’s up wit dat? My sweet limey love muffin, you’re only in town for a couple more days, and we need to make the most of it. I can get you into Folinos, no problem. They know me there.

OUTrageous Bingo/Flaming Fall Frolic 6:30 p.m. and whenever, Goodwill, Sahsside, then The Sideways 8 Club, Shadyside
“Drinking For A Cause” makes a strong return this weekend with two events that serve as fundraisers for the Shepherd Wellness Community, a local AIDS outreach program. First on the fabulous docket is something called “OUTrageous Bingo”. Allow me to quote from the release: “A very VERY gay old time with a drag show at intermission.” I’m not sure about the booze level at this first one, since it’s at Goodwill, and I don’t think they’ve got a liquor license yet, but it’s located on the Sahsside, so it’s only a matter of time, really. Doors open at 6:30 p.m., games start at 7:30. $15 at the door. Tickets available in advance are $12 and can be purchased at:

A Pleasant Present

Banner Coin Exchange

Klavon’s Ice Cream

Tuscany Cafe

And after you’ve had your fill of giggling like Beavis and Butthead every time “O 69” gets pulled from the old ball bucket, (I went to one of those Sunday Night Catholic Church Bingo bashes once, and there was an older lady there who had New Years Eve noisemakers just for when O 69 was pulled), head on up to the Ol’ Sideways 8 Club, which is real life is called the 5801 Video Lounge on Ellsworth (formerly New York, New York just to fully confuse the issue) for the “Flaming Fall Frolic”, where you’ll enjoy $1 off all drinks, free appetizers and the piano stylings of Al Snyder.

Drink and Draw: Burlesque Style , 5:00p.m., Brillobox, Upper LarryvilleThis one will give me the chance to brush up on my charcoal rendering techniques in advance of my session with Sienna. Brillobox is hosting drop-in model sessions for artists beginning in October, and this is the first one. How it works is, you pay a fee to get in, bring your art supplies, and draw (or paint) the models that will be on hand to pose for you. This session’s theme is burlesque, drawing inspiration from the vaudeville queens and their outrageous costumes. Short description: two models, one in feathers, the other in satin and Lace. No photography or oils, dry mediums and water-based paints acceptable. If the one wearing feathers looks at all like Sally Rand, let me know so I can get up there and propose marriage immediately. Any further questions, call them at 412.621.4900.

This is a film that was shot in the five year period between the advent of talkies and the enforcement of the Hays Code, so it’s something of a groundbreaker and historical oddity. Filled with sex, money, power, it’s the story of how far a good girl can go before she becomes a bad girl. (Short answer: The Firehouse on a Saturday Night)

The opening scene is chorus girls wearing giant gold coins. Sold.

Long Ago And Far Away, 8:00 p.m., Manchester Craftsmens GuildBilled as “an original interactive performance created by Kim Nazarian of New York Voices”, Long Ago And Far Away doesn’t have anything to do with Star Wars, from what I can gather, but it still seems to be a good thing to do of a Sunday Evening, and the Steelers will be done by the time this starts. (Hell, they might be done done by the time this thing starts if the offense can’t get something going.)

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Got an event planned? Would you like a whole flock of yinzers with disposable income to show up? Let Git Aht know by sending the electronic mail to gitaht@gmail.com.