Where was I? Where am I?

Dear readers… I hope I still have some. Are you there? Is this thing on? I’m sorry for neglecting you all for so long. I’ve got 10 draft posts right now that I work on in teensy, bite-sized portions. Seems like I get a line, maybe a paragraph, and then my mind wanders off. I keep trying to prime the pump, hoping the words will flow, but everything seems so forced. And it’s not for lack of anything to write about.

Part of the problem has just been making the time. I like to write as I am this moment: while I am at work. My supervisor leaves at 3:30pm, and my manager and the rest of my team are gone by 4:00pm, leaving me without any real chance of being caught. I like to get my work done in the morning, so that I can be free to write in the afternoon during that time. Lately, however, I’ve been slacking in the mornings and then struggling to get some work done before I leave at the end of the day. I’m trying to get back into my routine, however, so that I will have at least a couple of hours to devote to my blog each day.

The reason I like to write while I am here is that there are fewer distractions. The biggest distraction here (other than any lingering work that may need to be done) is the internet. Fortunately I’m getting back to the point where I need less surf time. If I actually start working when I get here in the morning, my brain doesn’t fall into that lazy, slack mode and it’s easier for me to get stuff done in the morning. As long as I don’t get sucked into the internets, I’m pretty good to go. Today was a good work day.

If I’m not able to get any writing done at work, trying to do any at home is generally difficult. Although, looking ahead, that should be a lot easier. My teenage sister, for whom I have been a legal guardian since our mother’s death in 2003 when she was 8, has moved out. She will be 18 at the end of next month, and things had just become very stressful and strained between us. The stress from that situation is what sent me down in the trough for a bit. I’ve managed to make my way back out, but I’m still shaking off the numbness in my brain. Depression is a bitch, and she clings for all she’s worth, let me tell you.

Things are good again, for the most part. I’ve just been really busy. I’ve been trying to figure out a schedule for writing, but I don’t want to make it too regimented. I write best when it is my distraction, i.e. when I’m supposed to be doing something else. Like working. So setting aside time for the purpose of writing doesn’t necessarily work for me. It kind of makes it feel like a chore. I almost never want to do whatever it is that I’m supposed to be doing. But this blog is very important to me. I take it very seriously, probably more seriously than I should.

At any rate, I just wanted to share that you are not forgotten. This is not forgotten. I’m still working some things out, but I am coming back. I have something new in my life that will be definitely giving me more to write about in the future, hopefully from more than one perspective (guest posts?).

To give you a bit of a teaser of things to come:

I am getting a housegirl. Her training and our developing relationship will be chronicled here. Also, I will be recording posts for her to transcribe. Big boost to content from that alone!

I have at least one trip to the Woodshed planned in the coming weeks, the first of which is next weekend!

My Diva will be visiting me from Berlin!

I’ll finally be venturing into writing some fiction!

So I thank you all for your patience. Thanks for sticking around. The best is yet to come. 🙂

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The girl behind the blog

What can I say, I love to share.
My life, my experiences, myself.
In very intimate and explicit detail.

In my quest to figure out what I want to do with my life, I've realized that the only thing I can do is put myself out there for all the world to see. Because I can't help but feel that everyone is a voyeur just like me. And I am exhibitionist (narcissist?) enough to show what everyone wants to see.