Thursday, November 15, 2007

When do you reach the point that you really know you must? And with regards to what? There are just so many questions about it all. How am I to explain to my girls giving up - we encourage our children to persevere, to always get back up and try again - We talk a great game about always doing what's right, not hurting others, believe in love, etc...etc....

So how is it you come to a point in your life that you realize, at 36 years, that you just don't have the answers. That you've practiced all that you've said and what you have to show for it is so merky. It's frustrating. Don't get me wrong...I am still very Faith focused, in this process I have never asked once "Why me?" - or been angry with God not "giving me" what I want. I know that some things he just can't do much with and that is the situation I am in. It really stinks when you've made choices because of your beliefs, because of the amount of love you have felt or compassion, or what have you and those most important in your life seem to be able to make decisions that nulifies all that you've done, that reflects nothing you believe in, nothing you've felt, nothing you thought truly existed and just make you feel like you have meant nothing.

Honestly, it just leads to this great frustration that builds up and at the end of the day, begs alot of questions? Wonder what new questions will arise tomorrow?