It has been a little more than four months since Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones were photographed together at the 40th anniversary of the Chaplin Award Gala and they’d been going on separate vacations during that time, so I thought everyone already basically assumed that they had divorced. But they were still faking along, pretending to be happy, until People revealed that they’re “taking a break” this week, which is fancy Hollywood slang for “the wife who is 25 years younger than the husband would like to start riding some young beef while her lady parts still work.”

To their credit, Michael and Catherine had been through a ton of personal and health shit during their 13-year marriage that would have killed most of us normal people, but they’ve persevered for the sake of their two young children. And also because they have a shitload of money.