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Last week, we took some friends out to a new Chinese Restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our ordercarried a pair of chopsticks wrapped in a clean tissue in his shirt pocket.

It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a pair of chopsticks in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around saw that all the staff had tissue wrapped chopsticks in their pockets!

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the chopsticks?"

"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired some Management Consultants to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the chopsticks were the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 chopsticks per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man- ours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my one piece of the chopstick and he was able to replace it with his spare set.

"I'll get another pair of chopstick the next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies.

So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That Consulting Firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."

"After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others, but I use the chopsticks."

Why are so many corporations and government agencies spending time and money on ethics surveys and training? What’s the ROI – return on investment? Is it about doing the right thing because virtue is its own reward, or is it about doing the smart thing because good ethics pays and bad ethics costs?

Although I wish it were otherwise, appeals to self-interest are more compelling than appeals to conscience. The best way to get the attention of executives is to talk in terms of risk management.

It’s easy to make the case that dishonest, irresponsible, or illegal actions can be enormously costly. Thus, responsible leaders understand the value of creating and sustaining an ethical workplace culture.

Meaningful efforts, however, need to go beyond codes and classes.

Codes of conduct are important to provide a framework for compliance. And training courses can teach legal requirements, raise ethical consciousness, and encourage employees to do the right thing. But unless ethical values are advocated and enforced in everyday decision-making, the risk of reputation-damaging and resource-draining misconduct will remain high.

In an ethical culture, values and character play a prominent role in recruitment, employment, orientation, in-service training, performance reviews, and discipline.

In an ethical culture, formal and informal incentive systems promote honesty, moral courage, responsibility, and fairness. Contrary behavior is risky, not simply because it harms the organization, but because it endangers the careers of those who take moral shortcuts.

In the workplace, you get the behavior you reward. Character counts – if you count it.

Red ties, black ties, no tie. Mass confusion.'All right, everyone. let's line up for the picture. Let's see ... hmmm, where shall we ... o h, yes! Perfect! Everyone, please move quickly! Right over there, in front of the garage. Yes, that will be just smashing!'

I guess a jacket at a wedding would just be too citified, so let's just pin these boutonniere's right on the white shirts. Bubba, put down that cigarette! And no smoking during the ceremony!

I told him it's tacky to light up during the sermon. If we could have put the wedding off for two more months, the groom would have saved enough money for a pair of black shoes. I told him his tennis shoes have black trim .....that's good enough.

Next, the lovely bridesmaids and the blushing bride

Not everyone can pull off such a vibrant red, but I think this group does it.. Sassy, I tell you, just sassy.

Last, the cute couple

Those Walmart slides really enhance her ankles. Too bad they didn't come in white. Note how their 'outdoor backdrop' is a clearing probably behind the All-Sups where the weeds actually got mowed just for this occasion.

At least his head is somewhat proportionate. To her left boob.

What' s she showing us here? A severe case of knee gout??

Apparently, whatever it is has her husband in more of a stupor than usual - How bout those teeth?

A man goes to see his doctor. The doctor asks what is wrong and the man says, "Doctor, I think I'm a moth." To this the doctor responds, "You think you're a moth? Well I don't think you need a doctor. Sounds like what you need is a therapist." "Yeah I know," replies the patient. "I was on my way to see a therapist, but I came in here because I saw your light was on."

Q: Where do people who say "shoot" and "darn" go to?A: Heck

A guy walks into a bar, sits at the counter and said "Drinks, everybody on me, even you bar tender" on my tab. Every one got a drink and thanked the man. After a while he man said "Drinks, everybody on me, even you bar tender. Put it on my tab." Everybody got their drinks and thanked the man. The bar tender pulled the man to the side and asked him "You know this is going to be a lot of money, can you pay for this? The man said "No". The bar tender took the man in the back, beat him up, and threw him out the back door. The man brushed himself off, and went back into the bar. He sat down and said "Drinks, everybody, on me. Except for you bar tender, you don't know how to act when you get drunk.

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, " I once was a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so." That night, while the princess dined on frog legs,she kept laughing and saying, "I don't THINK so."

LOS ANGELES -- Actor and comedian Harvey Korman, a regular on "The Carol Burnett Show" who appeared in a string of Mel Brooks films such as "Blazing Saddles" and "High Anxiety," died Thursday at UCLA Medical Center, according to the hospital.

Korman, 81, died of complications from a ruptured abdominal aortic aneurysm he suffered four months ago, according to hospital officials.

"It was a miracle in itself that he survived the incident at all," his daughter, Kate Korman, said in a statement. "Everyone in the hospital referred to him as 'miracle man' because of his strong will and ability to bounce right back after several major operations."

"Tragically, after such a hard-fought battle he passed away," she said.

Born in Chicago in 1927, Korman broke into television in the early 1960s, making guest shots on programs such as "The Red Skelton Show," "Surfside 6," "The Untouchables" and "Perry Mason." He later made repeat appearances on "The Jack Benny Program," "The Lucy Show" and "The Munsters."

In the mid-1960s, his voice gained fame in the animated series "The Flintstones," providing the voice of The Great Gazoo, a small floating spaceman seen only by Fred Flintstone.

The Flintstones meet the Great Gazoo

But he achieved major fame when he became a regular player on "The Carol Burnett Show," on which he often played the comic foil of Tim Conway. Korman won four Emmy Awards and a Golden Globe for his work on the show.

Korman's pairing with Brooks cemented his position as a cult-movie favorite, most notably with his role as Hedley Lamarr in the western spoof "Blazing Saddles." He worked with Brooks again in "High Anxiety" and then portrayed Count de Monet in "History of the World: Part I." He also appeared in one of Brooks' less-well-received comedies, "Dracula: Dead and Loving It."

In 1996, he appeared in the Arnold Schwarzenegger comedy "Jingle All the Way."

He also showed up in two "Pink Panther" films. He returned to his cartoon roots by voicing the Dictabird in the 1994 live-action version of "The Flintstones" and played Col. Slaghoople in 2000's "The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas."

Korman is survived by his wife Deborah; adult children Kate, Laura, Maria and Chris; and three grandchildren.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

BUMP! is one of my favourite shows and airs on Canada’s only gay and lesbian television channel, OUTtv. BUMP! is a GLBT friendly travel magazine type show and well worth watching. Bump! is the world’s first gay and lesbian travel and lifestyle television series. It is unique and international in scope. In each episode Bump! presents a new gay-friendly destination in a stylish and upbeat format.

Bump! travels the globe in search of fascinating gay human-interest stories. From gay tourism hotspots like Miami and London, to urban centres such as Montreal and Los Angeles, Bump! focuses its lens on gay and lesbian communities around the globe.

Some friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds.

Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. He asked his mother to go and ask the friars to get out of business. They ignored her, too.

So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town, to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close shop. Terrified, the friars did so, thereby proving that . . .

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained:"It's the pharmacist, he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."

Immediately the husband drove downtown to accuse the pharmacist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the pharmacist told him:

"Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I'll be damned if I didn't lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off. Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels - the phone is still ringing - when I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it and half of them hit the floor and broke. The phone is still ringing with no let up, I finally got back to answer it."

The pharmacist continues: "It was your wife, she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. Well, Mister, I told her to shove it up her ... !"

Love at first sight is easy to understand;
It's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle
- SAM LEVENSON -

IT'S HARD TO UNCRUSH CREATIVITY
Each of us is born with a creative impulse that is usually crushed by the criticisms of others; those that retain that impulse are the ones that, for unknowable reasons, just don’t give a damn what others think.

Icebergs
An iceberg is a good analogy of our character and personality. The tip of the iceberg is what is seen first by other people; our personality. The part that lies underneath the water is our character, which lays unseen and hidden. Our personality is our image, techniques and skills that influence our outward success, but our true success will come from the goodness of our character that lies beneath the surface.

THE PERIL OF FREEDOM
It is said that the more choices that we have, the freer we are; that may be true, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that we are happier; that is because the more choices that we have, comes the greater perverse tendency to chose things that tend towards our own self-destruction.

I have been having fantasies about my male friends. They are sexual in nature. I am worried that I might be gay. Am I , or do all guys have fantasies about doing 'things' with other guys?

Signed,

Dazed and confused

Dear Confused,

The thoughts 'I may be gay' is a question that's often asked by young people. Now there is much more openness and honesty about discussing male homosexuality and lesbianism.

Actually, it is quite a difficult question to answer, since we now realise that there is a wide spectrum of sexual orientation – with some people being exclusively gay, some people being exclusively heterosexual and a lot of us falling somewhere in between.

Many homosexual men say they always knew they were gay - right from as early as childhood.

But for other men it isn't so clear cut, and this is perhaps not surprising. After all, we live in a much more touchy-feely society these days.

Grown men hug their friends, and it is no longer frowned upon to hug your brother or dad in public. So men who in previous generations would have had no physical contact with other men, now have quite a lot. No wonder many feel confused.

The important thing is to accept that it is okay not to be sure - and to take your time in deciding which way you want to go.

Does it matter if you sometimes have homosexual thoughts – or gay dreams?

You are not necessarily gay if you sometimes have sexual dreams about other men.

Plenty of men who are heterosexual, and who have never even had a fumble with another guy, have such dreams - though they rarely admit to them.

It does not mean that you are gay if you 'love' your male friends. Plenty of us - male and female - genuinely love our friends. They mean the world to us, but that does not mean we are gay.

It is a different matter if you find you want to see their genitals or long to hold and stroke them sexually.

If you are a young man who finds yourself in love with or deeply attracted to one of your male friends, it can feel very worrying. It may mean that you are gay - though not necessarily so.

But what can you do about it? First, you need to assess whether this man could possibly return your feelings. One way or another, this is often obvious.

For example, if he has shown considerable interest in girls - and maybe has a girlfriend - it is very unlikely that he is going to want to have sex with you.

Just as you would not force yourself sexually on a girl who happened to be your friend, even if you fancied her like crazy, neither should you approach your male friend sexually, unless he gives you any encouraging signs.

Of course, this can be very difficult for you when you feel desperately in love and sexually charged up about a male friend. But the sensible course of action is to keep your desires from him, and to try to discuss your feelings with an expert or someone who you can trust.

Almost everyone knows that a dash of black pepper can add flavor to just about any dish. What you may not know about the “king of spices” is that it comes from a plant that can grow more than 30 feet tall in tropical climates.

Indigenous to India, pepper has been a covetous spice for thousands of years. The ancient Greeks used it as a currency and offered it as a sacrifice to their gods. Many Greeks even paid their taxes with pepper – something you may wish the IRS would allow. By the time of the middle ages, men calculated their wealth by their stockpiles of this wonderful spice.

Why has black pepper been considered so valuable? Not only does it spice up food, but it’s also an excellent source of manganese, vitamin K, iron, and fiber.It also improves digestive disorders and keeps the intestines healthy.

That’s right: the taste of black pepper alerts the stomach to secrete extra amounts of hydrochloric acid which helps to digestion. In fact, if our stomachs have a deficiency of this substance, then food will sit in our tummies long enough to give us heartburn and indigestion; when these putrid food particles are passed to the intestines, then a lot of unpleasant symptoms, like flatulence, may occur. So think of pepper as a type of aphrodisiac in that you won’t repel prospective mates.

Black pepper also contains remarkable weight loss properties – the outer layer of the peppercorn fuels the breakdown of fat cells, keeping you slender, energetic, and even younger.

Of course not all peppers are created equal. While all peppers come from the same vine, different kinds result from harvesting the berries at distinct stages of the ripening and processing them in diverse ways. For example, green peppercorns are picked long before maturity in the green stage; white pepper comes from completely ripe peppercorns that have been picked close to maturity. And finally, our beloved black pepper come from berries as they are beginning to ripen from green to yellow and while still relatively immature. They are then boiled for a short time, and then dried naturally in the sun until they’re perfect.

Unfortunately most pepper sold in the U.S. is a mixture from a variety of low-grade peppers bought at the lowest possible price. A superior form of pepper comes from the Lampong district of South-eastern Sumatra, the center of pepper production in Indonesia. Lampong pepper berries tend to be smaller than those of Indian pepper, which gives it a finer flavor than other peppercorns. Lampong pepper is one of the one of the strongest and hottest black pepper with a powerful flavor.

Synopsis: Everyone's favorite archeologist adventurer dusts off his hat and trusty whip for yet another globetrotting trek as Indiana Jones returns to the big screen nearly 20 years after racing for the Holy Grail alongside his father in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989). Harrison Ford reprises his role as the iconic, snake-loathing screen hero in a sequel that also finds Karen Allen returning to the series for the first time since 1981's Raiders of the Lost Ark. Ray Winstone, John Hurt, Jim Broadbent, and Shia LaBeouf round out a cast that also features Cate Blanchett in the role of villainous Russian operative Agent Irina Spalko. Steven Spielberg calls the shots on a script penned by David Koepp (and adapted from the screen story by executive producer George Lucas). ~ Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide.

It's been 19 years since the last Indiana Jones movie, which helps explain the hysteria leading up to the release this week of Steven Spielberg's "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull." For the past month you couldn't open up a paper, surf the Internet, or turn on the TV without hearing about this film – this event.

For those of us who do not regard the series as the pinnacle of Hollywood action-adventure escapism, all this hoo-ha may seem like a bit much. But then again, the three previous installments – "Raiders of the Lost Ark," "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom," and "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" – made $1.2 billion worldwide. The ka-ching factor is so high that it's no wonder pulses are racing.

The Indiana Jones movies began as salutes to the cheapo Saturday-afternoon serials that Spielberg and series producer George Lucas devoured as kids. But there's nothing cutrate about the budgets for these escapades. "Crystal Skull" weighs in at $185 million. I usually make it a point to review a movie, not its cost. But that's a lot of wampum for what is essentially – well, a Saturday-afternoon serial. These Indy films are not indie films.

Harrison Ford, complete with fedora and rucksack, is back as Indiana. Did you ever doubt it? He may be 65, but he does a manly job of holding down the part. In fact, nothing much has changed with Indy – he's still surly and afraid of snakes.

But a couple of key changes have occurred around him. For one thing, the time frame has now moved up to 1957. Make way for the cold war and the Red scare. Early on, Indy runs up against Col. Irina Spalko (Cate Blanchett), a Stalin fave and three-time winner of the Order of Lenin who, with Indy held at gunpoint, engineers a raid on a top-secret US Army warehouse in Nevada containing mummified remains of … well, let's just say the box is marked "Roswell."

From this it is but a short leap – and there are many leaps in this film, short and long – to the discovery deep in the Peruvian jungles of the Crystal Skull of Akator (don't ask). Colonel Spalko wants to track down the origin of the skull, which she believes will grant her eternal knowledge – i.e., power.

At least Spielberg and Lucas and screenwriter David Koepp haven't brought back the Nazis for a third tour of duty. Not that Russkies are much of an improvement. Neither is it such a great improvement to saddle Indy with an equally surly young sidekick, Mutt Williams, played by Shia LaBeouf, who's a dead ringer for Marlon Brando in "The Wild One." The pairing is all too obviously a ploy to attract a younger demographic, but I don't think the series needs this sop. The previous installments have been hugely successful with kids who only know these movies on DVD. Much more welcome is the return of Karen Allen as Indy's old flame Marion Ravenwood, even though they spend most of their screen time together bickering. Allen still has the most captivating smile in the business and she knows how to be spunky without being cloying (not as easy as it sounds).

How does the new Indiana Jones movie stack up with the other ones? I'd place it somewhere in the middle, but since, as I say, I'm not a die-hard enthusiast, that's faint praise. All of the films seem too overly engineered, too by-the-numbers, too pushily "iconic." Spielberg is such a fantastically adept filmmaker that, even when he's working at half speed, he can work up a pretty good action sequence. But even the best set pieces in "Crystal Skull," like the pursuit of Indy through the Amazonian jungle by the KGB, or a dive over a triple-decker waterfall, have a déjà vu quality.

"Crystal Skull" is a fun ride, but if we have to wait 19 years for the next one, that's OK by me. Grade: B. (Rated PG-13 for adventure violence and scary images.)

SALZBURG, Austria (Reuters) - The Sound of Music, one of Hollywood's greatest money-spinners, will scale new heights when the original von Trapp family villa near Salzburg opens as a hotel in July. The 1965 film based on the true story of how aspiring nun Maria sang her way into the hearts of Baron von Trapp and his seven children have provided fans with a host of must have items.

The Villa Trapp hotel will give visitors a chance to sleep in the family's former bedrooms or get married in their chapel.

If you can read this whole story without laughing then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chilli Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park.

Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chilli taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.

Frank: "Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a chilli cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chilli wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted".

CHILI # 2 - JERRYS AFTERBURNER CHILIJudge # 1 Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.Judge # 2 Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.Judge # 3 Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure, what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 - HANKS FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILIJudge # 1 Excellent firehouse chilli. Great kick.Judge # 2 A bit salty, good use of peppers.Judge # 3 Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting green-faced from all of the beer.

CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGICJudge # 1 Black bean chilli with almost no spice. Disappointing.Judge # 2 Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chilli.Judge # 3 I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300 LB woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chilli an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 SANDIES LEGAL LIP REMOVERJudge # 1 Meaty, strong chilli. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.Judge # 2 Chilli using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.Judge # 3 My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chilli had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really made me mad that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Stupid rednecks phoneys

CHILI # 6 - JOHNS VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...Judge # 1 Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chilli. Good balance of spices and peppers.Judge # 2 The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.Judge # 3 My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I messed on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my hiny with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 -PATS SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI...Judge # 1 A mediocre chilli with too much reliance on canned peppers.Judge # 2 Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chilli peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3 appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.Judge # 3 You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chilli, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach

CHILI # 8 - RANDYS TOENAIL CURLING CHILI...Judge # 1The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chilli. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.Judge # 2 This final entry is a good, balanced chilli. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chilli pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chilli?Judge #3 No Report

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About The Wizard...

I was born September 12, 1962 in St. Boniface, MB Canada. I live in Saskatoon, SK. I have one child, a son, of whom I am incredibly proud. I attended Royal school in Charleswood and after a couple of years at St. Paul's High School, I graduated from Shaftesbury High. I attended Red River Community College in Winnipeg and received a certificate in Business Administration, with a Major in Marketing and Management. I attended the University of Manitoba, earning multiple certifications in LAN Administration and industry credentials from Novell, (CNA); Microsoft, (MCP); and CompTia, (A+). February 25, 2002 was an important turning point in my life and I was re-born.

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Dwell not on the past. Use it to illustrate a point, then leave it behind. Nothing really matters except what you do now in this instant of time. From this moment onward you can be an entirely different person, filled with love and understanding, ready with an outstretched hand, uplifted and positive in every thought and deed. --Eileen Caddy