Time's running out

Jerry Wolfrom / Columnist Published: March 18, 2013 1:00 PM

Ah, yes, April 15, that magical day of the year that marks the deadline for filing federal income tax forms with the Internal Revenue Service. Along with the complicated form, the government may expect a fat check. After all, we can't get along without taxing someone - actually everyone.

Possibly the first tax in history was in Ancient Egypt, where cooking oil was taxed, and on top of that, people had to buy their taxed cooking oil from the Pharaoh's monopoly.

During the First Century AD, Roman emperor Vaspasian placed a tax on urine. At the time, urine was collected and used as a source of ammonia in tanning hides.

In Ancient Rome, it was not uncommon for slave owners to free their slaves after the slaves were too old to work. But those slaves were taxed on their freedom.

In England, King Henry I allowed knights to opt out of their duties to fight in wars by paying a tax called "scutage."At first the tax wasn't high, but then King John came to power and raised it by 300 pecent."

[Article continues below]

Oliver Cromwell placed a tax on Royalists, who were his political opponents. He took one tenth of their property, then used that money to make life miserable for the same Royalists.

In 1660, England placed a tax on fireplaces. The tax led to people covering their fireplaces with bricks to conceal them and avoid paying the tax.

About that same time England implemented a window tax, taxing houses based on the number of windows they had. In the 1700s, a tax on bricks was levied. Builders began to use bigger bricks (and thus fewer bricks) to pay less tax. Later a larger tax was placed on bigger bricks.

In 1705, Russian Emperor Peter the Great placed a tax on beards, hoping to force men to adopt the clean-shaven look that was common in Western Europe.

Then there was the salt tax in France called the gabelle, which sparked the Revolution.

[Article continues below]

Silly, yes, but taxes are important. Let's see how the U.S. Government has spent some of our tax money.

-- We gave away $175,000 to see if cocaine makes Japanese quail change their sexual behavior.

-- Somebody in New Hampshire got $700,000 to study methane gas from cows.

-- $2.5 million was given to China to teach Chinese prostitutes to drink responsibly.

-- Almost $2 willion went to build a neon museum in Las Vegas.

-- $400,000 was sent to Argentina to study why Argentine men get overly amorous when they drink.

-- South Africa got $800,000 from us to study the impact of a genitalia washing program for men.

-- An Oregon college received $500,000 to learn why elementary students can't sit still.

--Alaskan Airlines painted a picture of a salmon on the side of a Boeing 737. The painting cost us $500,000.

--And finally, our government once spent $998,700 to send two 19-cent washers from South Carolina to Texas, and later coughed up $294,000 to send one 89-cent washer to Florida.

So smile, Americans, when you pay the IRS. Your government is looking out for you.