Previous post can be found here but the TL;DR is in the title. I have really bad insomnia and often take pills that knock me out completely. I'm pretty much dead to the world when I take them. Recently, about 2 weeks ago, I found out that my boyfriend would have sex with me while I was knocked out despite me saying that I wasn't up for sex before I fell asleep. I woke up that day because I was feeling unwell for different reasons and hadn't taken my insomnia pills. He didn't see what was wrong with him doing what he did.

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Now for the update. after I found out what happened, I went to my older brother's house and have been staying with him since. I'm so incredibly lucky to have him. It was from his house that I made the last post. After that post, I was replying to the comments until I fell asleep. The majority of them told me that my boyfriend was raping me and that I need to break up with him and report him to the police. That was something I didn't wasn't to have to do. When I woke up in the morning, I had almost 600 more replies and I got really overwhelmed and had to step back and decide for myself what I was going to do. So that is exactly what I did.

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I had decided that everyone deserves a second chance. I wanted to talk to my boyfriend explain why I wasn't okay with what happened and why it was wrong. I went into that conversation with every intention of staying with him and giving him a second chance.

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So I called him over a little over a week ago so we could talk. I started to explain everything to him and why I had to go away for a while. The conversation was going okay at the beginning. But then it took a turn. As soon as I brought up the fact that I wold him no to sex before I feel asleep but he did it anyway, he kinda snapped. He started yelling. He started throwing things. He got scary violent. Telling me that he knew I was insinuating that he had raped me. Saying I was accusing him of something very serious. I hadn't said to him that he had raped me. I hadn't even gotten the chance to tell him that I was going to give him another chance.

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Then things took another turn. In my last post, people were accusing me of attention seeking. I don't want to come off that way so I am not going to disclose what happened. I'm still trying to process everything and wondering how I could be so wrong about a person.

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I just want to say thank you to everyone who commented and messaged me on my last post. You have no idea how much it meant to me to have your support, especially when my boyfriend was trying to convince me I was the one who was wrong. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you guys. I was wrong. But I think what happened would have happened regardless of what decision I had made. Maybe it was better that way because now I know for sure. I don't know what is going to happen in the future, but for now I'm living with my brother and trying to get my life back in order.

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Again, thank you.

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EDIT: Some people have asked of he is now my ex. I guess I didn't really directly say that he is. We are no longer together. And never will be again. Even if I decided to get back together with him for some crazy reason, my brother will never let that happened after what transpired that day.

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EDIT 2: It's come up a lot. People are asking to telling me to report him tit he police. My brother did report him. Another thing people keep asking is what happened. Call me an attention seeker if you want. I don't care anymore. What I left out was that when he got violent, he tried to rape me. If my brother hadn't heard him and pulled him off of me, he would have succeeded. It's so embarrassing, not just that I was almost taped but that my brother found me like that.

Thank you in advance for reading this, it's straight up petty. Here goes:

I am not a gift person, other than extremely thoughtful or handmade presents. Truly, I'd rather receive nothing than a bad gift. It's always been a problem of mine and it's why I tell people not to give me anything. If they press the issue I ask for a handmade card.

I feel so guilty for being upset when people I've known for years take time out of their day to buy me a gift, and came up with a lavendar candle. Why can't I just be grateful? Why am I resentful that they don't know that lavendar gives me a headache? Of course I'll say thank you, but inside I'm fuming and I feel hurt that they don't know me better. I'm sure they feel it too as I am a bad liar. I could really use some advice on how to show gratitude and more importantly, how to be grateful.

TL;DR: OP is a spoiled brat. I need help learning to be thankful for any gift I receive instead of being insulted that it wasn't my style/taste/kind.

The fact that he got so violent immediately speaks volumes. He knew what he was doing, and hoped his nuclear meltdown would make you drop it. You did the right thing. And glad you have your brother to rely on. Good luck to you, it just gets better from here.

You are not broken dear. You’re just going through a rough patch. You’re in the aftermath of the inevitable breakup. I was there after a 8 year relationship. I knew it was coming but still felt like an oncoming train hit me and I just couldn’t deal. His life was seemingly starting to get better than mine, he had gotten his own house as a property owner, he joined a band, he lost a ton of weight, looked better than ever. Me, well, loving with my parents unable to find a job after going through graduate school, I was eating a lot so I gained considerable weight, I was, at the bottom. I gave myself time to really grieve the death of the relationship. Like play “somebody to love” became a 2am ritual to help me cry myself to sleep. All while still trying to find a job. One day, I woke up, still reeling from the pain, I decided to start changing small things. Things I could control. I lived in a complex that had a decent parking lot where one could walk. I started walking. That same day, I got a job interview. After, I got the job. Then I got a gym membership, then I lost a ton of weight got my confidence back. I did most of everything by myself. I had lost my social circle. When I got some of confidence back I started reaching out to old friends, apologizing for having disappeared for 8 yrs into a relationship and started having a social life again. A year later, I was looking good, feeling good and I was wining at life. I celebrated my 30th birthday with an awesome party with all my friends. It was liberating and fantastic. I was whole by myself. I made myself whole again. And, without doing anything, the universe put me in the path of my now amazing husband who does nothing but support me, encourage me, and love me. He is actually my partner in life. And I too him. We support each other. While I could handle myself alone, I am with him because we are partners. We don’t “need” we “want” and the difference is important because you want to choose your partner not be una position of need. Also, when you demand the best for yourself, you get the best. Honey, you deserve the best. Set that standard, make it happen. Love yourself first. Be a warrior and don’t give up. Start picking up pieces little by little. Reach out, talk to friends, talk the pain, do actions, get involved in the community, be there for you! Finally, don’t look the other way. Don’t look back. You deserve better. You will get over this.

God, stop fucking post this shit PLEASE. Anatomy is the study of the STRUCTURAL workings of the human body. You're pretty much just saying people don't know where the vagina is in relation to the uterus. You're just coming off as condescending when semantically you're the idiot. Libido is entirely a mental and hormonal issue, not a structural one.

On top of this, sex drive DOES fluctuate in normal people, but typically week to week. If you are suffering from low libido for months at a time, you likely have some kind of hormonal imbalance that needs to be addressed. For OP, she says it was due to "stress", but it was actually the fact that she simply was not sexually attracted to her boyfriend anymore, probably due to his complacency. But once he started getting new gash and she saw that she didn't have him wrapped around her finger, suddenly the flood gates of her pussy opened and she was ready to have sex again.

Seeing her BF desired by other women is what made her attracted to him again. This isn't an "anatomy" issue. I'd argue this isn't even a libido issue. This is a situation caused entirely by most women's innate sexual desires, in this case, wanting a man that is desired by other women. The "stress from work" argument is a copout and I highly doubt OP went to a new man because her BF wasn't "open to trying new things". If he is open to having a polyamorous relationship, I'm sure the dude is open to other types of shit in the bedroom.

UPDATE FOR CLARITY: I have tracked his GPS a few times. They never lead to the same place but he usually is stopped for 1/2 an hour. I went on google maps and don't recognize the places he's stopped at. They aren't near anything special like a Grocery Store, Target, Fast Food.

My husband and I have been together for 10+ years. At times he can be weird in an only child way, but he's a very good guy. And a hard worker.

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As our kids are close to going to bed, he's been saying that he wants to take one of them out for a drive. We have a newborn that is teething , and sometimes it can be hard for the kids to sleep if she's crying. And sometimes it can be hard if they're running around and she's trying to sleep (our 3 year old has a sensory disorder & 4 year old is on the spectrum. It's more complex than the following but when I explained everything the 3 year old has a form of hyperactivity that is similar to ADHD and the 4 year old has Aspergers but neither can be diagnosed this early according to our doctors ) .

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The drives can last for 2-4 hours.

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But lately, I feel like he's been in his own head. Not really talking after he gets home. I'm not sure if I'm stressing him out or doing something wrong. There's nothing that is glaring in terms of problems we might have outside of the normal financial stress of having 3 kids.

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I talked to the four year old last week to see what he & his father did on their drive. He said just drive and talk until he went to sleep. I asked if they walked anywhere or left the car and he said no they just kept driving.

On Monday I asked the four year old where he & daddy went. He said that they went to a building. Not a house. Not a store. A building. My husband works from a converted garage behind our home so it's not his office.

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On Tuesday I asked my 3 year old the same question. She said they stopped near an airport to watch airplanes (this is a small private airport for amateur pilots).

I just asked my husband what they did on their drive and he said that he just drive until the kid falls asleep. He doesn't want them to get out of the car because the point is for them to go into a relaxing sleep. I said that our 3 YO talked about an airport and he paused and said that maybe she was dreaming about it. Or saw a plane.

I'll be the first to admit I have trust & control issues ( I didn't grow up with a dad, let alone a good one).. We've never had any issues in our marriage, but part of me worries if this is a sign of someone having an affair. Maybe he waits for the kids to sleep to call someone? Or maybe he's being nice so I can go to sleep faster.

Homie you gotta understand, all the shit you describin aint ya boys fault. Hell, it aint even about fault to begin with, ya boy is being true to himself, he doin the right thing.

Those folks laughin at his fashion and flamboyancy? Those motherfuckers are laughin at ya boy for bein himself, feel? Complete fuckin strangers, aint never bought you or ya boy shit, aint never changed a diaper or took care of him while you were at work, aint never fuckin made dinner or did the dishes or shit. Are laughing at your fuckin boy. Like they got the fuckin right to outwardly judge him like that. Two complete fuckin strangers shamin ya boy homie.

Fuck that bullshit. You feelin shame cause you agreein with them. But ya boy likes what he likes, and he is who he is. Given all the bullshit he's faced he strikes me as pretty tough, too. When you really truly accept who ya boy is, that shame's gonna become anger, feel?

Cause complete fuckin strangers think they got the right to outwardly judge and shame him. Fuck those mother fuckers.

Your boyfriend doesn't want an open relationship. Your boyfriend wanted to sleep with other women - perhaps even the specific woman he wound up with - so he came up with an excuse and guilt tripped you into agreeing. He didn't think you were actually going to try to get something out of the arrangement, too. Tell him he can either drop the double standard, close things while the two of you sort out what you're both really looking for and where the boundaries are, or you can both just agree this isn't working and end it. Personally, I recommend Option 3.

Awesome. I will explain to him that While my wife was fighting breast cancer I had the bulk of the house duties as well as taking care of our 4 kids and also working a full time job. It was crazy stressful and at times I was completely miserable. Now that she is gone I would give anything to be back to that time. To have that time back. Anything. And it was the honor of my life to be the guy that was there for her when she really needed me. Tell him that. Time to man up.

As I write this, I am making breakfast for my three year old twins and he is still asleep. He has always been a little (very) lazy but it wasn't a huge deal to me because there are worse things. But almost two weeks ago I found out I have colon cancer and now I have to have surgery and life is changing a lot. Well, things are changing for me but he seems to be living the very same life. I cook. I clean. He sleeps or plays on his phone. If I bring up his behavior, he sulks and gets even lazier. My surgery is coming up on 6/3 and I honestly feel like asking for a divorce might decrease the level of stress I feel. I'm at a loss. I thought this news would shake him up and motivate him to be more helpful. It's CANCER for crying out loud. What do I do?

Edit: I'm about to pick up my son from school and take everyone to the gym so I can't read comments for awhile. I just want to say thank you so much to the people who have extended their sympathy, empathy and well wishes. You're all so kind

To everyone who knows personally what this feels like, I'm really sorry. It's very frustrating and hopeless and kind of the worst feeling ever. And I would know, I've been told I have cancer!

For everyone suggesting I just get over it, I'll consider that

Sure, jumping right to divorce is rash. Maybe I'm overly emotional because I'm being forced to contemplate my mortality and potential weaknesses in a way I never have had to before. My perspective about what's acceptable has changed. I feel overwhelmed by the weight of his presence in a way that I did not before. I didn't ask for cancer and I didn't ask for something awful to come between us to change how I feel about him. He's my husband and the father of my children. I would have put up with him being how he is forever and never had boo to say about it but now it feels different. And I guess that's stupid of me to expect a change now after letting it semi-slide all these years. I didn't expect a miracle but I thought underneath it all he was still a decent human who would be happy to do his part if the shit hit the fan. So maybe I've been completely foolish for five years but it doesn't have to be that way five more

Everyone give your good partners a great big warm hug for me. They deserve it💜

You are in for a rocky ride. Not sure how serious your diagnosis is, cancer isn't just one thing and there is a big difference between 90% curable or 30%. And those aren't the extremes. So frankly you haven't given enough information for anyone to form an opinion on if he is reacting reasonably (he's lazy and that hasn't changed).

Your diagnosis may have a huge impact on his emotional well-being also (I know mine was hit with a hammer). But he may also have some underlying issues with you, and this added stress will bring that to a head. Just like it has for you. Laziness was always an issue, now you just have more to deal with leaving less tolerance for everything else. If you expect him to change into a different person, you will be disappointed.

I am not trying to defend your husband at all. You might try talking to him about what you need him to do (not attacking him). But I have seen many marriages end while someone is in chemo or shortly after. If you don't have a strong relationship, it's gonna be rough.

You are going to both be stressed to the limit. You are going to need things that he will feel like he can't provide. You will both snap at each other, or hold it in and let resentment fester. You're going to think "I'm the patient and I'm the one suffering." But you aren't the only one suffering.

If he's worth keeping, keep him. You will need more help than you believe, and family or friends will ghost you. He is the person most likely to help shoulder the load... Unless he isn't. If he won't help, get rid of him. Just know that you will find out all of the things he actually did for you (if any) when he's gone.

Only you know if he is worth keeping, but adding a divorce on top of treatment isn't gonna make it easier.

It isn’t your job to teach a grown man how to not act like a complete loser when his partner is going through cancer treatment. He isn’t a child. Leave him. I’m very sorry.

Also EDIT: I’ve lost immediate family members to cancer, and I’ve seen good friends beat it. Aside from having it myself, I know what it’s like to be there in the trenches. You’re fighting for yourself right now and your mindset and mental strength are so important. A part of this process will be fighting the cancer out of you - if leaving him will empower you, give you new perspective, make you feel strong willed and with strong convictions, a woman who fights for herself and eliminates that which doesn’t serve her, a woman who comes up against something that hurts her and who beats it, forces it out, cleans her life of that which doesn’t bring her health and joy well....that may help your battle with cancer.

So it’s been about a week since things happened with finding my friends with the girl who raped me. Many of you helped me understand that and I took everyone’s advice and recently started seeing a therapist to help, ty.

To the people who said I deserved it or who were gatekeeping being a rape victim, I wish that you never go through what I’ve been dealing with. Even if you’re cruel you don’t deserve what I’ve been feeling.

So I met my friends two days later. The were calling me, asking to see me. I had taken two days off sick because I just had a mental breakdown. I couldn’t really function. Next thing I know, I’m laying in my bed and I hear a knock on my door. When I went and opened it, it was Friends A, B, and C. They came to check on me. I let them in and they demanded I told them what was going on.

We sat on my couch and for a moment I was silent. But friend A nudged me, and I came clean. I told him how she and I had been hanging out together, how we had been drinking and I let her stay at my place to sober up, and when I said no to sex, I woke up to her riding me.

I then explained how to try and gain control, the day after, she asked to have sex and I said yes, but what I hadn’t mentioned in my post was that I couldn’t get it up, I felt too horrifically gross with her, and that I instead locked myself in my restroom. Saying that I was having the runs and got a Lyft for her home. I cried hard. I told them how when I saw her how my stomach lurched and how I felt like yelling and so angry. How awful I felt and that’s why I left, then I told them how my family had blamed me and called me a pussy for not wanting sex.

I just vented it all in tears, and when I couldn’t choke back sobbing friend A hugged me. It had been months since I had touched someone else, I couldn’t bring myself to for some reason, but hugging him felt right and that’s when I realized he and Friends B and C were crying too.

For a moment things were weepy and Friend B and C hugged me with A and just said soothing things to calm me down. They made jokes, I laughed and said sorry to them. Then then told me how the night went.

So the night they hung out, and I left immediately. friend A, Friend B and C questioned R (Girl who raped me). She said that we had just had a negative experience on a date and that she didn’t know why I would be upset. That it probably wasn’t even about her. Issue is Friend A had seen how I was looking at her and felt weary, but apparently she’s was a new coworker of his at the restaurant he works at and she had wanted to hang with him and he said yes.

So when they start drinking and Catching up on Game of Thrones (intended thing to do that night), they watched her pop some pills and start chugging down her beers, which were red flags immediately to my guys because she admitted herself she didn’t know exactly what she was taking, and tried to get really intimate with friend A. So thing is Friend A is in a relationship so he tells her no, yet she still tries to cuddle him and stuff, though he doesn’t want that.

So the episodes end and she’s too out of it to drive and says she doesn’t have the money for a Lyft. Thing is my friends have been drinking so they can’t drive either so then she asks if they can let her sleep here for the night. They all agree and after B and C leave it’s just A, making the couch for her to sleep.

That’s when she asks to sleep with him, and he says no. So she tries again, and he refuses. So now A is pissed off, so he tells her once he’s taken a nap he’s taking her ass home. So he goes to his room, leaving her. He then tries to take a nap only to wake up to find R trying to get in his bed naked, and he flips.

He was furious and called B and C, and they kicked her out of the apartment with most her clothes in hand. He then notified their boss in the morning and she was fired from her job for drug abuse. That’s not the end though,

She went to the police the day after they kicked her out, and she actually filed a false rape claim against friend A, Issue is when police came to question him luckily he had a camera for his room since he’s always been paranoid, and now I know why. Police came and he showed them the video evidence that vindicated him immediately. So now she’s facing some severe penalties and issues over what she did. False police report and whatnot.

They asked me to bring up what she did to me with the police. But honestly I don’t know if I can or if bringing up something I can’t prove like my friend is even worth it. What I do know is at the moment I haven’t lost my friends, and I honestly don’t care what happens to her. I just want to get over this. So I’ll continue to go to therapy, and my friends will support me, and I’ll support them. For once I don’t feel like my name on here is as accurate anymore.

A few years ago I'd have been as baffled as you were now, so I completely understand the confusion.

One thing I learned is to ask. In my experience people are much more willing to share their wants and plans than you think. If someone is not open to a serious relationship in general, with anyone, they will most likely tell you that very early on, as long as you ask.

In my case, the guy I'm seeing started the talk after date 3, when it was clear there will be another one. I thought that was the perfect timing, at that point both parties have some idea what direction they'd want the relationship to go with this particular person.

I was always skeptical about asking such questions directly, but it makes things so much easier, gets much easier after the first time you do it, and at least in my experience everyone was always happy to have this conversation. I'd say don't do anything under the premise a person is around to stay, unless they said that's what they are going for (and actions match words).

If you both already sure you want to marry have the ring & discussed it then the proposal is already in, now you just fretting about formalizing it

When my husband proposed to me it wasn't a big ceremonious occasion we just sat on the front steps of my parents house and he said "You know what, you're the one I'm marrying" then he gave me my engagement ring not expensive or lavish because he was only 17 but it was wonderful

Call the credit card company back and explain the situation, giving them the report #/ID. Just for good measure, send the credit card company a letter disputing the debt is yours and include the police information. Send this certified mail with a return receipt.

No. The proper way to handle this is go here: https://www.identitytheft.gov file an identity theft report (also get a police report), and print off the FTC Identity Theft Affidavit it generates.

Then type up a statement saying the debt is the result of identity theft and to permanently remove it and absolve you of any obligation to the debt under section 605(b) of the FCRA. (There are guides for this online).

Send a copy of this whole packet to each CRA (TransUnion, Equifax, Experian, and Innovis). Also send a copy to the creditor (credit card company). Make sure you send these certified with return receipt.

They MUST immediately permanently block the account from your credit reports (within four business days) and once you send this to the creditor, they must absolve you of all responsibility to the debt, cannot sell or transfer the debt to a debt collector, and can not attempt to collect the debt. Essentially it vanishes permanently in less than a week.

If they still attempt to collect or report the debt, they are in violation of the FCRA and FDCPA and you can sue in small claims (they cannot have a lawyer) for thousands.

From experience, this method works wonders and is super fast. I absolved myself of EIGHT fraudulent accounts after the Equifax breach using this method and within a week my reports were spotless and within two weeks I had letters from each creditor saying I no longer had any obligation to the debt.

This entire situation blew up so fast in my face that I'm still reeling.

I should probably preface this by saying that my parents are extremely strict Asian immigrant parents. It's always been education and academics before love and support. I grew up being physically beat for getting a single "B" grade on my report card and having to give my mother my passwords to all of my accounts. Nevertheless, I obeyed their every command. I graduated just last week in the top 10% of my class and am going to Brown University on an almost full-ride (more on that later in regards to the current situation) this fall.

Following my college acceptances, I probably breathed the biggest sigh of relief in my entire life. My parents finally had nothing to complain about since I fulfilled their biggest dream for me: "to get into an Ivy League school." All was good for about a month. My parents finally stopped reading my text messages, tracking my every move, etc. I was free to go out with friends, spend time with my secret boyfriend, and just enjoy being a high schooler.

My boyfriend and I have been together since last summer, so almost a year now. My parents had their suspicions about us in the beginning but I brushed it off and faked my way into making them believe he was just a friend. But after I committed to Brown and they seemed happy enough, I became more lax about hanging out with him and I think they figured it out.

We started being sexually active in December but have always been incredibly careful about using protection. The only time where I'm not 100% sure we were careful was during spring break when we went to Mexico with a couple of our friends and got drunk and had sex. It would make a lot of sense if that's when it happened. Now, I fully understand that we were both stupid and should have exercised a lot more caution. It's our fault completely and I'm not saying otherwise.

Fast-forward to about a week ago. I'm starting to get weird period-like symptoms, but no period. At that point, I honestly just knew. It was like this weird gut feeling and I freaked the fuck out. My boyfriend was incredibly supportive and drove me over to his house where he'd already gotten tests and had me take two of the pretty expensive ones. All positive. I broke down and cried for hours.

When I got home, I was still visibly upset despite trying my best to hide it. But I wasn't acting carefully or thinking rationally because of everything that happened. I spoke to him explicitly about the situation over a messaging app that my mom has my password to. In retrospect, she definitely suspected that something happened between me and him (probably a break-up) so she logged on to read our messages.

The very next day, I wake up to the sound of my mom lugging all of my stuff out of my room and throwing it onto our lawn. I get up and ask what the fuck she's doing and she's crying and calling me the nastiest stuff in Chinese like, "You're a whore, just kill yourself," or, "I should have gave you up for adoption you useless piece of shit." And other completely ridiculous things like, "Now you're a prostitute and no longer a virgin, no good boy will ever want to marry you now."

I was begging her to stop but the more I did the angrier she got. She was breaking the majority of my stuff, tearing up my work/papers, smashing my photographs, etc. All I could to was call my boyfriend and have him pick me up.

It's been three days since that happened. I've picked up all of my stuff, at least the stuff that isn't irreparably damaged. My mother or father is not returning any of my calls but continuously sends me brutal text messages about how much of a failure and disappointment I am and how I turned into a prostitute. She also communicated that she will no longer be paying for my education at Brown and that I will never be allowed to call her my mother and have any interaction with her. My yearly tuition not including personal expenses is around $15,000. I have about $10,000 in my own personal checking account from just working a few jobs throughout high school. However, that's not counting the birthday money I've received and the money that my grandfather left me when he passed. Those are in a separate account being controlled by my mother. There's about $75,000 in there and I have no idea how I'm going to get it back.

I'm currently living with my boyfriend. His parents are at a complete loss as to why my parents are behaving this way and I am so ashamed. They've been nothing but supportive of us, even going as far as to offer to pay for whatever choice I end up making about the baby. We've both decided that I'll get an abortion and he's currently working on figuring all of that out while I'm still worrying about my entire fucking future.

I don't know why but I just feel so incredibly alone at this moment despite having my boyfriend and his family. I can't my best friends because I don't want this to spread and I obviously have no familial support. I'm just so lost. What should I even do at this point?

TL;DR: Strict Asian parents disowned me and kicked me out of the house after snooping and finding out I was pregnant. They've cut off all contact and refuses to pay for my college tuition. I fully plan on attending Brown this fall after getting the abortion, but I have no money. I'm at a complete loss as to what to do. Any advice appreciated.

YOUR (hopefully now ex) GIRLFRIEND COMMITTED A SERIOUS FELONY AND WANTS YOU TO ROLL OVER AND TAKE IT

What you meant to say was “My ex-girlfriend committed identity theft and now she’s looking at real jail time” at least I hope this is where this is going.

It is obvious she is using you and doesn’t care one bit about doing it. Otherwise, she might have begged for forgiveness and paid the credit card off immediately. Instead, she got mad at you for standing up to her.

Here’s my relationship advice: Break up with her without thinking twice and never let this woman back into your life.

Let’s get you back on track - Call the police and explain the situation. They’ll take a report and give you a report number or ID. Call the credit card company back and explain the situation, giving them the report #/ID. Just for good measure, send the credit card company a letter disputing the debt is yours and include the police information. Send this certified mail with a return receipt. The vast majority of the time, that’s it, they’ll take that account off of your credit within a month or two. Answer everything thoroughly the police ask you, give them a list of the charges and a copy of your credit report.

I know my actual relationship advice is kind of short and sweet but I, and I’m betting almost everyone else here agrees - you shouldn’t be in a relationship with her. Let her pay for her mistakes through the criminal justice system. At the very least, she’ll probably be facing a civil suit from the credit card company.

You will without a doubt want to take it a step further and check everything, who knows what else she did.

And those addon amazon ones really work well. They have enough pressure to fire water up your asshole and give you a colon cleaning, seriously. There’s so much more poop half way up your sphincter you don’t even realize. I would diarrhea shit out all the water and at least a couple more small turds would fall out.

I'm a guy who's had something very similar happen to me, but I wanna be clear: this isn't exclusive to any gender. Men and women alike do this, although with typically different goals.

It's a common relationship pitfall: when one party is pining over the other and that other isn't terribly interested and still not reciprocating, that second disinterested party will either do the right thing (shut them down, move on) or they'll compromise with themselves and find something else of value to get from the relationship. "I guess I can deal with that person, because of [finances, status, situation, whatever]".

That is the bad seed planted that ends in problems soon after. It builds resentment and the offending party will take more and more as if it were some resentment-tax. And they'll feel justified in doing so (as the case with OP's SO: she got angry at him).

To provide an example of the opposite sex that I'm sure you'll recognize: Men will very often seek out attractive partners and that's it. "She's hot, I got her, I win". That's it. They'll tolerate her being rude, or stupid, or lazy, because "she's hot". That leads to a similar resentment, only the currency in question isn't usually money but sex. This often breeds that "she owes me sex" mentality that many men have in a relationship. And with that resentment comes a different form of theft: cheating.

Anyway, this is the lesson I personally learned about pining over anyone. It isn't helpful to me or them. In this situation, OP's talking about a serious financial burden. You don't accidentally open an account and charge thousands of dollars to it over the course of months (reminder, "months" is likely over half their entire relationship). Were they 19 or 20 I could see that being a simple adolescent lapse in judgement. But at 27/28? If you're 27/28 and don't know the value of $4,000 there's deeper problems besides relationships to address. I don't think that applies here though, so OP's SO having this in mind from the start seems to be the most likely scenario to my view.