Pages

Monday, September 13, 2010

Signs, Omens and Portents

It has been said that omens are of significance; therefore, one should make a regular habit of eating, at the beginning of the year, guord, fenugreek, leek, beet and dates [as these grow in profussion and are symbolic of prosperity... (Horayot 12a)

kirby - curbed be your dog
pear - may you find it easy to find a clean pair of underpants every morning
parsnip - may your bris not be too short, nor too long
beet - may the beat go on, bro'
eggs - eggsellent source of B12 vitamins
bacon - may everything you put in your over bake on
Shevach - on your children, not on your dinner plate
black eyed peas - good music (Endless Silliness)

beets- may we beat our enemies
carrots- may our enemies be hit by cars, or may they rot (Avi Grossman)

Tuna so that our orchestras will be neither flat nor sharp. (priss)

We take several varities of deli meat and make a yehi ratzon that we should only see besuros (basaros) tovos. (Voice of Reason)

Reader suggestions 2009

Pis-tachois ...That we may have better urine flow.
Honey ...That we may get along with our spouse.
Plums ...That we may plumb the mysteries of our Torah.
Carobs ...That we may win a vacation for two in the Caribbian.
Beets ...That we may stop beating our wives. (letz)

Broccoli -- she-t'hei bracha li (tesyaa)

Ratatouille - that we don't rat on our colleagues (esp good for Republicans ;))
Kishke - that we get mixed up round non-Jewish girls
Kashe - that we get to ask our Rov lots of questions and/or that we stop accepting cheques and credit cards
Martini - that our (Yiddishe) mother loses weight in the coming year
Borekas - that we work hard (SM)

Sour sticks- our enemies should have a sour year
Laffy Taffy-we should have a yr full of laughs (YC's kids)

Mango: May our enemies be mangled.
Osem Bisli: May we all have an "awesome" year. (Jameel)

Pickles ...the we should conquer the entire Land of Israel (Lurker)

Cake... so that our work may be as easy as cake.
Smarties... so that we will grow more intelligent this year.
Reeses... so that our arguments may have more reason.
Skittles... so that we may become better in our work.
Kudos... so that we may get credit for the work that we do.
Pocky... so that we can put our problems into our pockets like our presidents tend to.
PayDay... so that they may be larger.
If you're not one of the rich Jewish power elite: 100 Grand... so that we may become one of the rich Jewish power elite.
If you are a single straight female or a single gay male: Mr. Goodbar... self-explanatory.
If you are a single straight male or a single gay female: Hershey... figure it out.
If you are pregnant: Milky Way... self-explanatory.
Likewise, one should refrain from:
Snickers... as it will encourage lashon hara.
M&Ms... as they will encourage our children to listen to violent music.
Butterfinger... as they will encourage us to steal.
Buttons... as they will encourage us to gain weight. (Author's Note: As though all of this candy won't make us gain weight anyway.)
Peeps... as they will encourage us to look at other people as sexual objects rather than human beings.
NutRageous... as they will encourage us to insanity.
Wonka Bar... as they will encourage us to sexual immorality. (kari)

Lettuce: Let us see the light of Moshiach soon. (Garnel Ironheart)Search for more information about Jewish puns at 4torah.com.

If it relates to Jews, Judaism, holidays, Midrash,Torah, halacha or anything similar, I probably have a post on it. And if I have a post on it, I probably have a good comment thread with great reader-provided information, too.

Try a search and see for yourself. If you can't find what you're looking for ask me.

Quotes

You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you odd. -Flannery O'Connor

“When in the afterglow of religious insight I can see a way that is good for all humans as it is for me—I will know it is His way.” - R. Abraham Joshua Heschel

I don't accept at all the quite popular argument that the press is responsible for the monarchy's recent troubles. The monarchy's responsible for the monarchy's recent troubles. To blame the press is the old thing of blaming the messenger for the message. -Anthony Holden

Said behind my back

"...he's trying to show that there are other facets to Orthodox Judaism. That we don't all think one way and vote one way. And he's occasionally entertaining when he's not being mean-spirited" [PsychoToddler]"

"He's witty. He's funny. He appreciates the ridiculous in life, and has no qualms about telling you when he thinks that you're being a moron" [Cara]

" I'm pretty sure [DovBear] is a really great guy who just wants to be able to ask questions and talk about things without the fear of someone claiming he's off the derech or on his way there." [Chaviva]