Saturday, August 13, 2011

Can't Sleep... Must Write

I was writing in this very book last Sunday. I like to keep a pretty blank journal with me, of a smaller size so I can tuck it into my purse and jot down any spiritual impressions I receive. I find that it is comforting and enlightening to go back and review what I have written. I often forget the little things the spirit whispers to me if it isn't life altering or shattering.

As I reviewed my notes from church last Sunday, I came across a thought I had jotted down and I would like to explore it right now.

The instructor of the class I was in must have said this,

"The Atonement brings healing."

Under this quote I wrote,

"Physical too? Do I need physical if I am healed emotionally?"

﻿Growing up I was told over and over again, "Remember who you are."

Over the years I have come to think that means to remember that God created me, just as I am, and He doesn't make mistakes. So I should accept myself as well as God accepts me. Completely.

Lately it has been difficult for me to accept that I am limited and sick over half of the time. I don't like it.

My first thought after the instructor talked of healing was of physical healing. Was it possible for the Atonement to help me physically.

But I thought about how I have been taught to accept myself the way God made me.

If I could tap into the Atonement and be healed of all negative thoughts about my limitations, would I even need to be healed physically?

If I was just okay with myself sick as I am well-- what would be the problem here?

Not that it would stop being difficult.

Not that my family wouldn't sometimes have challenges it wouldn't have if I was well.

Not that my friends would suddenly stop having to help me on short notice when I get sick. (and they don't have to, they just want to. Unfathomable)

But I just would stop fighting these consequences. I would accept it as well as I ever accepted being well, because I would know God made me this way . Whatever challenges I, my family, and my friends have because of it, are all needed. So there is no reason to worry or stress.

3 comments:

Ah, my sister. I'm not much of a "commenter" but wanted to tell you that I appreciated your thoughts and offer a few of my own.

As you probably know, I'm not a big fan of just accepting things. I believe that I have a responsibility to turn my 5 talents into 10, so to speak, and that that requires a lot responsibility, control and exercising of my free will to bring to pass.

I don't think I should accept that I am a 5 talent person and leave it at that. I don't think that God made me perfect, yet I've been commanded to be. I don't think that being natural man is good enough, I have the power within me to be something more. I think that God gives to men weakness, not just so we can be OK with it, even if that was how we were made...

That said, you should know that I love you dearly, you make my life better by being part of it. My message to you is to never give up on being exactly what you want to be, ever. You should want to be healthy and you should do everything in your power to get that way. Maybe you need new doctors, maybe you just need time, I don't know. What I do know is that you should never, ever, just accept it. Fight, fight like the most precious thing you have is at stake, your life, because that is exactly what is at stake. Get on your knees and PRAY like it is all up to God, then get on your feet and ACT like it is all up to you.

Could I sound more preachy? Oh, well. You can probably see why I keep my comments to myself most of the time :-)

Bravo brother. You are absolutely right. I will of course only accept what I cannot control- that I will be sick until I am better. And I will fight for my health to come quickly. I will speak up for myself. I will keep on researching. I will switch doctors- whatever needs to be done. Don't worry.

I do agree about the fighting and the researching. At the same time I love what you said about the quiet, calm things you right down it your journal. I think sometimes God wants us to slow down, love ourselves, and listen to Him. Then we can get right back on riding that horse we call life. I love you Utter Girl. I want to read more.