There were no pancake-related injuries this season, so Dustin Penner's legend remains unchallenged, but Pittsburgh Penguins center Evgeni Malkin did miss a game in April with an upper-body injury that was reported to be sunburn. Blame the lockout in part for this one, because why else would the Penguins have had a game in Florida in April? Actually, it probably wasn’t the sunburn that forced Malkin to miss that game—he missed another three, and Dan Bylsma said that Malkin had aggravated a previous injury—but “Evgeni Malkin missed a game because he got a sunburn” immediately enters hockey lore, and that’s enough to take this award.

MLB NHL Cy Young Award

The 48-game season led to a pitcher’s line not seen for nearly 20 years in the NHL, where goals and assists are often reported the same way that pitchers’ wins and losses are in baseball. Jeff Carter of the Los Angeles Kings went 26-7 this season, the first player with 25 or more goals and single-digit assists since Brian Savage's 25-8 season for the 1994-95 Montreal Canadiens. Carter also came pretty close to matching another former LA star—Bob Welch, an All-Star with the Dodgers in 1980, went 27-6 for the Oakland A’s in 1990.

Tim Hortons Donut Award

The player with the most shots on goal this season, but no goals, was Phoenix Coyotes defenseman Derek Morris, who had two goals a season ago and scored a career-high 11 with the 2002-03 Avalanche. Honorable mention goes to Ryane Clowe, who went without a goal on 65 shots for the San Jose Sharks, then was traded to the New York Rangers and scored twice in his first game.

Marvel Comics Iron Man Trophy

Morris actually would have won this award in 2003-04, had it been given out then, as he played 83 games in a season when he was traded from Colorado to Phoenix. A year ago, Daniel Winnik won it by playing 84 between Colorado and San Jose. This year, there is a 141-way tie, as nobody wound up playing more than 48 games. Jason Pominville had a chance after his trade from Buffalo to Minnesota, but suffered a concussion on a hit from Dustin Brown and missed the final two games of the season. As a result, and in the spirit of giving this award to a traded player, the Iron Man goes to Jay Bouwmeester, who played only 47 games between Calgary and St. Louis, but now is headed to his first-career postseason after 764 regular-season contests.

Captain Morgan Captain Math Trophy

For the second straight season, the winner is Daniel Sedin of the Vancouver Canucks, who had the highest Relative Corsi figure in the NHL, measuring his Corsi total—even-strength shot attempts for and against while on ice—against those of his teammates. It was a tight race, with Sedin edging out his twin brother and linemate, Henrik Sedin. Captain Math tells us that’s two Sedins who drove possession for the five-time Northwest Division champs.

United States Congress Useless Rules Award

Brocade Sharks Player Of The Year Award

Wait, this is an actual award, won by Antti Niemi. According to the press release announcing it, “Brocade networking solutions help the world’s leading organizations transition smoothly to a world where applications and information reside anywhere.” That’s about as hard to decipher as Niemi was this season for would-be goal scorers. So, congratulations to him and to all the award winners!