Day Thirteen

I'd like to suggest to Cosmo that they change the name of the Lusty Leg Lift. Perhaps the Clutzy Leg Lift. Or the Lusty (Pulled) Leg Lift. Or maybe the Falling-Over-into-the-Bathroom-Wall-and-Knocking-Over-Your-Roommate's-Perfume-Before-Ending-Up-Naked-on-the-Floor. Hmm, on second thought that's probably too long. OK, I'll settle for the Oh Shit Leg Lift.

I chose the Lusty Leg Lift— the position where the girl puts on leg on the guy's shoulder and they have sex standing up—and showed it to D. Here's how the conversation went, more or less:

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D.: You can't do that.

Me: Excuse me! What do you mean I can't do that?

D.: Her leg is straight up. You can't do that.

Me: [Expression conveying: Oh, no you di'n't just imply that I'm not a sex goddess.]

D: What? I'm not being offensive, I'm simply stating the facts. The only people capable of getting in that position are...

Me: [Expression conveying: Are you about to say that gymnasts and strippers could do this position better than me?]

Then I started to panic that the only people who could do that with their leg are gymnasts and strippers. Not like I could turn back at that point, though. I had to prove D. wrong. We decided to do it in the bathroom. Why? I have no clue. Looking back it wasn't a great idea.

We stripped down then D. patted his shoulder where I should put my leg. I did a quick naked stretch (I know, really sexy, right?) then we went for it. D. squatted down low (yes, it was really just one sexy action after another) and I put my right leg on his shoulder. Now at this point, D. was crouched down and my leg was perpendicular to the floor. But then D. shot up to standing position, my leg went with his shoulder, my other leg gave out, and I went tumbling backwards, flailing and trying to grab D. for balance as I fell. Luckily, a laundry basket broke my fall, but not before I knocked over a bottle of perfume.

We tried again, much slower and this time with D. remaining crouched down. We were able to get a little bit of crotch-on-crotch contact, but it really wasn't working. And I just couldn't stop laughing. Tears were streaming down my face by our fourth failed attempt. We hopped in the shower, where we exchanged oral. There was a leg lift involved (mine propped on the side of the tub) and it was lusty. But this time, no tumbling to the ground.