The majority of my clients, for whatever reason, have big-time questions about why their relationships haven’t lasted, why their current relationship is tanking, or what they need to change about themselves in order to “be ready” for their soul mate. Although no two charts and no two people are alike, if I had to point my finger at one relationship-destroying culprit, I would feel confident blaming what I’ve come to call “orgasm addiction.”

The easiest place to spot orgasm addiction in the birth chart (although I believe this dilemma is rather universal) has to do with the contacts being made between the 1st House/Aries and Mars, and the 12th House/Pisces and Neptune.

Before diving into these controversial waters, I’d like to issue a few qualifiers. One, there is nothing inherently wrong with having orgasms. Two, there is a distinct difference between the repression/suppression of our sexual nature, and learning to withhold from orgasms in a sacred sexual practice. Three, not everyone has issues around orgasms in their relationships (though I believe many people do), and so the ideas I’ll propose in this essay should be considered carefully against the reality of one’s personal relationship history.

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Adam Elenbaas is an author and astrologer living in Washington D.C. After earning several graduate degrees in English Literature and Creative Writing and teaching English at the University level, Elenbaas published his first book, "Fishers of Men: The Gospel of an Ayahuasca Vision Quest" in 2010 with Tarcher/Penguin books. After a successful national book tour, Fishers of Men was named one of the top 100 books of 2010 by Publishers Weekly. On the heels of his young success, Elenbaas left his career as an art therapist and came out of the Astrological closet. He opened his own private astrological counseling practice in NYC and soon after an Astrology Certification Course. Nightlight Astrology has quickly grown into one of the most innovative, ecumenical, and exciting astrology communities in recent history. Elenbaas is currently seeing clients, teaching classes, learning from his elders every day and working on his second book, another memoir about Ayahuasca and Astrology called "Jungle. Star. Medicine."

Comments

@Adam Elenbaas
Sacred Sex is a fascinating subject. Our culture tends to be immersed in immediate gratification. It is beneficial to ruminate where in one’s life one can slow down and enjoy the journey without pushing to get to the destination. Though beneficial to women, I feel more men would be in need of exploring this subject matter. Thanks for the book recommendations.

Hmmmmm, funny. I have Neptune smack dab on the ascendant, and my boyfriend has Mars conjunct Neptune. He’s always been naturally keen on spacing out “special times”. But when it’s time, it’s time (ya know). I would love it if he would explore mind/body style exercises, or tantric tecniques; alas, I doubt I could convince him to breathe in his nose and out his mouth at my suggestion. (That’s just an example, meaning if I asked him to do it, he probably won’t – even if it was something he was going to do anyway!) Our issues are more along the lines of power struggles and control (Leo/Cap).
Great article/post!!

I agree that when it’s time it’s time. In my partnership we do the same…we just don’t end our session in climax/ejaculation(s). Are you referring to your sun signs? How about your moon signs and venus/mars?

I am still a virgin at 23, but I resonate with this post because I am a Pisces Rising with Aries intercepted. Mars is also retrograde in Aries in the 1st house. Interestingly, Mars is also square my Neptune in 10th house, Neptune being my chart ruler!

I sometimes find it difficult to deal with my own sexuality, sometimes resorting to masturbation. But I do tend to meditate these days and I find it much easier on the whole to control, and I try to channel that energy into music and other areas.

Hi Adam, this is very interesting and timely article- really pushing astrology to take on contemporary issues like Eric Francis. Awesome that you are taking this on publicly.

I also wonder how much Chiron/Uranus opp can play into this, as this opposition (found so frequently too) show additions as well. This pairing might be about learning to navigate electrical/healing energies. I would love to learn more about this, and Kundalini energy in the chart. Barbara Hand Clow writes about it, i read it a while ago in the Liquid Light of Sex and i dont remember discussions of Mars/Neptune.

Mars/Neptune is usually know as the “male perfection/fantasy” archetype, this article helps to understand that a proper use of Mars energies are needed from both genders. -AB

Yep, I was talking Sun signs, I’m a (Messy) Leo, he’s a Cap, both with Venus square Pluto natally. I have Moon in Taurus, he has Moon in Gemini; I have Venus in Cancer, he has Venus in Capricorn (opposite in sign, but not by orb); and I have Mars in Scorpio, he has Mars in Sagittarius. I guess none of them are the “ideal”, but his Moon is conjunct my descendant (provided that the birth time he *told* me is right), making him the ideal candidate for my subconcious projections – poor guy!

This is the most interesting article I’ve read in a long time. Fascinating.

I have rx Mars sq Neptune, no other aspects apart from a sextile to BML. In my life I’ve gone from one end of the spectrum to the other, always seeking the higher meaning of the sexual act. But I can see from what’s written here how much this aspect governs so much else in my life, and my inability to get things done generally. My progressed Mars will be finally turning direct in a few years and I’ve been working on ways to better access the energy – you’ve opened a door here, thanks.

Very interesting article, and I love that it’s from a male point of view.

Moon in Aquarius house 2, Venus in Sag, house 1 with Mars in Scorp, house 10 sextile Neptune in Cap, house 1

I would say that I have an objective and maybe extreme relationship with sex. When I want it’s obvious, but I go through very long periods of celibacy where I try to focus that energy somewhere useful (to the chagrin of any guy I’m getting to know who would rather drop the panties sooner than later). Most of the time I prefer celibacy. You get to know people that way, especially what makes them tick.

I agree with @NovLady about our culture, especially lately, being about immediate gratification. A few of my male acquaintances actually said that if a girl they’re “dating” doesn’t give it up after a week they’re moving on. Ugh.

I have Mars in Cancer (1st) square Neptune in Scorpio (5th). I’ve read that Mars square Neptune is the Sorcerer’s Apprentice.

In the past, not only have I had problems with love, and sexual (orgasm) relationships — around 1991, after many frustrating relationships, I began to delve into the spiritual nature, and aspects of life (martial arts, meditation, creativity, etc.) in order to seek my true purpose.

I read various books about the human energy system. Barbara Marciniak has written several. When I read about the drain on my “life force” during sexual contact — what happens during, and after sexual contact with another person, it made me sick. The research gave me great insight into why I felt frustrated, sick, and empty, during, and after sex.

In June 1997, I finally decided to give up the things, and people, who had no real meaning, or purpose in my life, other than to drain my life force, whether it was through personal friendships, or intimate relationships. Well, it was the best thing I ever did for my mental, and spiritual health.

I am 54 years old, and have been celibate for 15 years, and don’t miss sexual contacts with others. I’ve learned how to channel my sexual energy into higher learning, and productive outlets.

I don’t feel that there’s anything wrong with having sex, but I agree with Opal, about learning the higher meaning of the sexual union, and using the energy to achieve a higher degree of creativity, and intimacy with a partner, and the god force within each of us.

Wow! This resonates with me so strongly. I have mars conjunct neptune natally (mars also conjunct my sun/moon midpoint and my MC). I also have my mars conjuncting my current boyfriend’s neptune. I am all about the orgasm while he is all about the cuddles and softness. I’m totally doing yoga from now on!

Wow – such a great article – thank you for the fresh point of view. I am a mars sq neptune and I always refer to sex as my “achilles heel.” It does strip away intimacy from relationships – at least from the way I handle it or have been looking at it. I have also found relationships to be extremely depleting for me. I’ve gotten to the point of protecting my energy but haven’t fully grown to the point of knowing or understanding how to build intimacy. Thank you for pointing me in the right direction.

Hi Adam, thanks for writing this awesome article, really intriguing concept. Understanding and applying this to my own birth chart is kinda confusing though. I have no straightforward aspects between Mars and Neptune.

I have Sun in Pisces 8th house (with Mercury in 9th) Neptune in Capricorn 6th (conj. Uranus, sext. Sun), and 12th house is Cancer (With Chiron crossing over into 12th Leo). Ascendant is Leo (opp. Mars), Midheaven is Aries (Sq. Neptune), and Mars is in Aquarius 6th house, conj. Moon. (Saturn and Venus 7th house Aquarius). Neptune has a Trine with Jupiter in Virgo (opp. Sun).

I’m not sure what to make of this really, It seems very complicated… I may have gave too much info, but I’m not sure what patterns are the most significant. I’d really love a little help or a nudge in the right direction.
I’m a 20 year old virgin and most of my relationships thus far have felt strained to put it lightly. A lot of my life I’ve felt either overly-obligated to go with a girl cause she liked me, but I’d try to go with it anyway when it didn’t feel right. The other thing is I’d put lot of hopeful, infatuated energy into a girl who was either not even on the same page, or who was but soon got scared away when they saw me strain under the weight of my own high aspirations. In other words when I find someone I’m happy with I idolize them. I’ve always felt a certain amount of nervousness at the thought of physical intimacy with a girl, and I don’t know how much of my personal head-space or energy I can or should reveal to a person.

I try to put of lot of my energy into playing music which is great, but I think habitual masturbation and watching porn might be the main component in keeping a vicious cycle going. It might partially be my age, but I have a massive craving for orgasms, which is a slight dilemma, when I’ve spent a lot of time keeping most of my sexuality to my self. I also have longing for intimacy, but I think I’m scared to open up the possibility in case it gets too intense for me to handle.

I know this is kinda long, and some of it might sound kinda typical haha, so thanks for reading! Tell me what you think, I’d be delighted with a little help!

What if I have both mars (14 Cap) and neptune (3 Cap) in my partner’s 12th house? They are either side of his true node (12 Cap)?!? ….I agree too, very interesting article. All the men I’ve met to date seem to rush south straight away, not that it’s a problem but I really do love going slow and really enjoying the whole process and not bypassing the intimacy. It normally takes a lot for me to open up to someone but when I do there is nothing more sexy than sharing an intensity that runs deep and has real substance… and there’s no better way to build that intensity then by going slow and savouring every single little moment.. ahhh… maybe I’m living in a dream world… romance just doesn’t seem what it used to be!! or I can just blame neptune in my 7th…

Adam…you are amazing and I believe you’ve just provided the answer the questions that I’ve had with the current “other”. I would have NEVER realized or even been aware had you not mentioned it. To try to sum it up quickly….He is a Pi in the first house and I’m an Aries in the 12th house. In addition to that, I’m a Mars in the first house person…so I KNOW I’m addicted to orgasms…lol. Now, thanks to you, I can also pinpoint why. He is a Mars in Aries…no questions there. Here’s where it gets interesting. lol

We don’t have sex with each other. LMBO!!! We are significant “frothers” and enjoy it to the MAX!! lol Outside of the bedroom, we are more like a couple than most couples are couples. Constantly calling/texting each other a few times a day…dinner together 5-6 days a week. He walks into my house whenever he feels like it…etc. I have all of the keys to his kingdom. Business, online banking, FB, and email pass codes…all of them. Not that I use them unless he asks me to. We grocery shop, ride to church, do banking business, and run other errands together.

Before anyone speculates…I am not a “sister” type of friend to him, nor is he a “brother” friend of mine. We did have sex. LMBO!!! What your article just highlighted is the reason why we both knew we had to STOP having sex…with one another that is. lol Our sexual relationships have been transient. Those ppl come and go…they’re disposable (OUCH!!!). Yes, it hurts to admit that. I’ve tried to form deep connections with sexual partners, but it just doesn’t seem to happen and it’s only when a person who I’ve had a sexual relationship with becomes a trusted friend once we STOP having sex that I’m truly able to love them.

Anyways…I’m enjoying the “I love you’s” with my significant frother, and he actually fights with me for my own heart. Imagine that.

I have to disagree on a couple points here. You mentioned that you believe the overpopulation of the world today may be based on impatient, impulsive, and desirous side of this Mars/Neptune archetype however the rapid growth of the world population started in 1950, with a sharp reduction in mortality in the less developed regions. With the declines in fertility in most of the world, the global growth rate of population has been decreasing since its peak of 2.0 per cent in 1965-1970.

I have a Mars in Leo square Neptune in Scorpio along with 10 aspects of Neptune to natal planets and angles in my chart. Add a Venus in Taurus square Jupiter and my desire for orgasm is great. I have found that finding the right partner (for me no Uranus or Pluto hard aspects in the composite chart) is important to find a healthy and balanced connection for this desire.

Thank you for posting this. Interesting and long overdue that sacred sexuality be revisited in today’s age. I have Neptune close to my Ascendent and Mars conjunct Pluto / sextile Neptune. The theme of sacred entering all expressions of self is like a surrendered moment. The Book of Secrets by Osho mentions tantra and non attachment, much as Neptune’s yearning for oneness in the transcended moment of the ego death.
My thoughts are that orgasm is that moment of oneness with creation, but within that moment, there still exists the initial spark (mars). The separate subject/object of desire, and the losing one’s separteness with “All” that is divine. If we are a part of the all, we cannot lose anything. I think creation was intended to take us home so to speak, in moments where we can surrender the separate concept of self. Maintaining sacredness with self in all moments, seems to be the catalyst for transformation and divine union with other. Once “self” has transcended in union ( orgasm) there is no other, you have found the “other” in the eternal. Maybe this is the true self.

Excellent article! This opened my eyes quite a bit. Now I see the patterns you mention in most relationships that we’d call dysfunctional. (e.g., Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown both have natal Mars-Neptune and in their synastry. Whitney also had Pisces Rising.)

After noticing a pattern of my romantic relationships becoming too co-dependent and full of drama (the kind you mention above) immediately after having sex, I stopped having sex. It has been 4 years now. Instead of a shortcut to intimacy, I now want a long-lasting, emotionally-fulfilling, sacred sexual relationship, and refuse to settle for less.

Before reading this article, I chalked up my relationship pattern of attracting men who became addicted to me (even beyond the sex, just always wanting to be physically around me) to the ruler of my 1st and 7th houses in my 8th and the ruler of my 8th in my 12th, but…

I have Neptune in the 1st sextile Pluto trine Mars in Gemini sextile Mercury and Jupiter in the 8th and quindecile Scorpio Moon in 12th, so it’s probably a good thing that I also have Mars square Saturn as a “stopper” to prevent the complete wasting away of sexual/creative energy. I tend to attract men with Neptune in the 5th or 7th house and/or aspecting Mars and/or Mars in Pisces and/or Pisces in the 5th or 7th.

Your suggested solution works for me:
I feel at my best/strongest when I regularly practice yoga and nature walks. Gonna start a soft martial art one of these days…

I have the same thoughts like in this article. I have neptune in capricorn (on midhaven), and mars in aries in XII house. Yes, my mars square neptune. In practice this works as: sexual fantasies from early childhood, orgasm addiction (masturbation especially), and boring after sex (or even kiss!) with a girl. Actually, I don’t know what is the sense to create steady relationship, because it just bore me. No sex, no fun and we all know sex can’t be pleasure all over the time because energy flows away

But I must say I have a transiting saturn in my VII house, so I work about this Deeper relationship is interesting for me now, but I don’t know how to create it and for what purpose. ;/ And what kind of relationship will give me satisfaction which not depending on sex.

On the other hand, my MN square gives me uncontrolled anger and frustrations, hatred to people who hurted me emotionally. and eternal feeleng of being in danger. These who knows The Law of Attraction would say that I attract such people and I should forgive them and attract something better. Right, true. But on the subconscious level I react like victim and my hidden rage is always blocking my intensions to forgive.

And one more thing – I have a desire to get many things, but I prefer to stay at home and do nothing, because “I don’t care” and “whatever”. Terrible I say. Because of this conflict I waste my life.

I have Mars conjunct Neptune in my 12th house (2 deg) This sounds very foreign to me…weird actually. I think MN aspect is taking the blame for some real dysfunction that stems from something else. This sounds gross and a bit far-fetched…maybe its more pronounced in men because as a woman I can’t ever say I’ve had an addiction to orgasms….eeewww!

Adam, I can see this is an older post. Thought you might be interested in the work of Dr James W Prescott, on SSAD, SomatoSensory Affectational Deprivation Syndrome. It speaks to the way we rear our infants, and the lack of certain evolutionary primed needs being met, i.e. infant wearing for the first 6 months and breastfeeding. It alters the way the brain is formed, i.e. dopamine/pleasure tracts are malformed. The principal behaviors seen in SSAD reared mammals are: depression, chronic stimulus seeking, tactile avoidance, impaired pleasure and pain perceptions, impaired sexual pleasure, alcohol/drug abuse and social alienation, including suicide and homicide. Sounds a lot like our current society, no?

Simply wow… thank you Adam this explains so much! I have a very tight mars sextile neptune as well as 12th house cusp in Aries. To make matters worse, my neptune is in 8th house! I have an addiction personality. I faze out very easily and used to abuse controlled substances in my teens! And lets not even talk about my relationships…*facepalm*

I have Mars square Neptune. This article is full of marvelous insights. I love my intuitive mind. It has brought me to the path of sacred sexuality. This article is a great confirmation of this direction. I always get confirmations of my inner guidance.

The idea of circulation of energy works in all parts of our lives, eg. business. It is the foundation of a real consciousness growth.
Thanks a lot.

EarX, reading your reply was very eerie. I have the same positions and you articulated exactly what I deal with, especially regarding early childhood sexual experience. I was extremely aware of sex as early as 5 years old. I would very frequently have “wet dreams” that had a profound effect on me. I actually wonder if my sexual drive all this time has been in pursuit of that mysterious sensation of the wet dream because I’ve yet to have a real life orgasm that holds a candle to that feeling. Totally relate to the lack of ambition point as well. It’s almost as if I feel jaded and that “I’ve done it all before even though I haven’t”, so why bother. None of this is helped by the fact that I have mars in the 12th house. I’ve always read that for people in our predicament, the best thing to do to fight the “demons” of the mars/neptune or aries/pisces hard aspects, is to engage in traditional exercise or participate in sports.

“UM NO”, perhaps in women is manifests more as schizo-affective or similar disorders of the imagination..so it’s as if Mars is wrecking havoc on Neptune for women, whereas for men, it’s Neptune confusing the heck out of Mars.

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