Saturday, August 23, 2014

A Writing Tip from Kathy Ide

Multi-published author, Kathy Ide has a tip for better writing for us. I confess this is one I struggle with. Should I use as or when?

AS vs. WHEN: Tips for Better Writing

By Kathy Ide

As (when used as a conjunction, as in “As this
happened, that happened”) implies that the second thing occurred while (within the same time frame as,
during the time in which) the first thing was in the process of happening.

When implies that
the second thing happened at the same moment in time that the first thing
happened (a specific time being the essential element).

Examples:

"As the
garage door came down (while it was
in the process of coming down), the cat scurried under it."

vs.

"When the
garage door came down (at the moment it touched the concrete), it hit the cat."

“As she bid him
farewell, a tear fell down her cheek.” (During the time it took for the tear to
fall, she was in the process of bidding him farewell. Both took about the same
amount of time.)

vs.

“When she bid him
farewell, a tear blurred her vision.” (At the moment in time when she told him
good-bye, a tear appeared.)

“When the dance ended, she thought, I’ll never see him again.” (At the moment in time when the dance
ended, that thought came to her mind. The two things happened at approximately the
same point in time.)

The Dictionary of
Problem Words and Expressions by Harry Shaw says that as is “one of the most useful and most overworked words in the
language. … As a conjunction, however, as
is usually weaker (less effective) than since,
because, and when, each of which
is more exact.”

The Wordwatcher’s
Guide to Good Grammar and Word Usage (by Morton S. Freeman) says that as (when used as a conjunction) is often
“fuzzy” because it is ambiguous. “It may be conveying the idea of time (which
needs when) or of cause (which needs because).”

Their example: “As
the time grew short, the people became fidgety” could mean either “When the time grew short, the people
became fidgety” or “Because the time
grew short, the people became fidgety.” They recommend using when or because instead of as to
avoid ambiguity or possible misreading.