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Unlike some, its not because im disilusioned with this place or upset about swami being banned. I still love this place, what it stands for, and all the people in it.

BUT my life has reached a new turning point. Strangely enough it was all kicked off by a rave, yes pounding techno, crazy lights, and ecstasy, that whole deal.

My whole life i feel like i was walking around tense, inhibited, inhibited in so many ways. i lived in my head, i could think think think about the worlds craziest questions, even find answers, but rarely did a real change come about in my life experience because of it.

this experience was the opposite. i stopped thinking, i just was. aided by the atmosphere, the people and the drug, i enterd a state of pure being, pure joy, i had no need or ability to censor myself , my emotions, my actions.

it was an absolutely transcendent experience. but what is really phenomenol, is that now, 4 days later, i still havent left that place. No im not doing drugs, im sober, but i feel... FANTASTIC.

i feel like a thousand veils of shroud have been pulled from my eyes. i feel like the floodgates of repressed expression inside me have been opend and my joy is just pouring out.

the world is such a sunny place right now, absolutley nothing can get me down, and what is so phenomenol is that the world is reciprocating this love back at me, ive never been so showerd by affection in my life!

and am i surprised? hell no! i always knew, always knew that the world is a mirror of the self, that our internal state shapes our external experience. but i no longer need to KNOW that because i am living it, NOW.

its like some taoist paradise, i swim through the tao and i love it and it loves me.

My ego has been shatterd, and only partly reformed. My love seeps out the cracks, my mental shape changes morphs into new and exciting shapes.

i see beauty where i didnt see it before.

I havent been able to get this stupiud smile of my face. my teachers are asking me if im on drugs and i just LAUGH because im sober.my body is always dancing, always dancing without my control.

Its like, i finally stepped through. the alast few years have been loading, loading my mind with truth, but as long as that truth remains locked in your mind, it cannot shape your reality.

This experience took that mental storehouse and shot it out, via the heart.

markos the gnostic once said, the path of the soul is shaped like a shephards cane. it goes from the root to the head, then down to the heart.

God damn does it feel good down here in the heart! the ecstasy opend a door i never even knew was there, and now that i do, i can leave it open without any effort.

PLUR is all around me.

Im not censoring my self. im not afraid to hug, to kiss, to smile, to laugh, to dance.

I can smile and shake my head when people offer me coke. Why would i EVER want to go back to that place again, now that i know what its like here?

and yes, apparently im bisexual, but now i can accept that and just rejoice in it. Its a basic reflection of my new mentality. Down with duality, down with limiting yourself and your experience, down with supressing your true impulse for societies sake. Down with fear.

so why am i not hear anymore? because nothing much else needs to be said. nothing else needs to be thought. I sought and sought and searched and strived and then, almost without noticing, i was here.

Not planning to leave any time soon!

edit: i dont mean to say that this state of happiness is the culmination or end of my spiritual quest. i think its just a very awesome stop along the way!

It sounds like you found some really deep inner peace. Congrats, hopefully we can all join you some day. Wish i had somethign meaningful or deeper to reply to you, you deserve it I think. I will admit my jealousy.

its like some taoist paradise,Hmmm I was thinking of what you were describing as being more of a daoist hell, what with how they're always reminding us that everything goes to its extreme and then reverts to its opposite. We'll see how ok you feel with the change from being extremely happy to.. not that.

Quote:Moonshoe said:maybe you noticed i havent been around much latley.

Unlike some, its not because im disilusioned with this place or upset about swami being banned. I still love this place, what it stands for, and all the people in it.

I love this place, too. I also felt like leaving, because of the Swami thing. I wasn't going to announce it. I was just going to quit posting.

Quote:BUT my life has reached a new turning point. Strangely enough it was all kicked off by a rave, yes pounding techno, crazy lights, and ecstasy, that whole deal.

I was just getting really busy with my career.

Quote:My whole life i feel like i was walking around tense, inhibited, inhibited in so many ways. i lived in my head, i could think think think about the worlds craziest questions, even find answers, but rarely did a real change come about in my life experience because of it.

this experience was the opposite. i stopped thinking, i just was. aided by the atmosphere, the people and the drug, i enterd a state of pure being, pure joy, i had no need or ability to censor myself , my emotions, my actions.

it was an absolutely transcendent experience. but what is really phenomenol, is that now, 4 days later, i still havent left that place. No im not doing drugs, im sober, but i feel... FANTASTIC.

i feel like a thousand veils of shroud have been pulled from my eyes. i feel like the floodgates of repressed expression inside me have been opend and my joy is just pouring out.

the world is such a sunny place right now, absolutley nothing can get me down, and what is so phenomenol is that the world is reciprocating this love back at me, ive never been so showerd by affection in my life!

When I was thinking about quitting this forum (and I was seriously going to quit, had even started looking at other forums), because I felt that the human beings here had let me down (I know, we can discuss this somewhere else), a person to whom I had given a bad rating (and I don't usually give those but I had given them twice in one week after the Swami thing exploded) contacted me just to discuss the content over which I had given the bad rating.

I don't know if y'all can understand being pissed off, and saying or doing something out of being pissed off, and someone talks to you about it without taking offense, even though that person probably has the best excuse for being pissed off.

He didn't care about assauging his ego over the stupid 1 shroom rate. He just wanted to discuss why his posts bothered me so much that I felt I needed to rate him one shroom.

I would post his name, but that's not my place. I guess y'all will probably figure it out. Actually, there were two people to whom I gave a one-shroom rate, out of my own bad feelings, not because they had done anything wrong. I changed both. My bad. Turns out both are really good people.

Quote:and am i surprised? hell no! i always knew, always knew that the world is a mirror of the self, that our internal state shapes our external experience. but i no longer need to KNOW that because i am living it, NOW.

The world is a mirror of itself? Are you sure? If the world is bad, is the bad mirrored? If good, is the good mirrored? I often feel that I am mirrored in people. Just turns out that I am often wrong. Thank God, the Universe, the powers that be, or just plain old luck, that there ARE people here. I love people.

Quote:love ya

Love you, too.

--------------------The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire. -Teilard

I have to agree with Mix. To many times in my life, be it in love or in general, I have thought everything was perfect, or just good. Then the winds of life start eroding my situation and suddenly it all kind of collapses on itself. Nothing worse then that feeling. As someone stated in a post recently and I really dug it, "waves and troughs'. Come back to us in a month or so on this subject. Damn I hate being a downer, feel free to smack me silly on this. I wish you the best of luck on staying in your state. Maybe for once someone will succeed.

no, the world is a mirror of the self, your self. or at least, your world, or your reality, is. A person with fear, paranoia, terror in there heart will percieve a threatening and horrible world. There internal states will reflect how and what they percieve. Likewise a person with love, acceptance and peace in therre heart will see those things in abundance outside himself.

"Are you sure? If the world is bad, is the bad mirrored? If good, is the good mirrored? I often feel that I am mirrored in people. Just turns out that I am often wrong."

not getting ya...

"Thank God, the Universe, the powers that be, or just plain old luck, that there ARE people here. I love people. "

me too! in fact im so excited to go back to school and see people tommorow that i cant sleep.

and to mix: dont worry im fully aware my life will still contain sadness! however, i dont think this kind of happiness is quite the kind that the daoist referd to as the root of suffering. Desire, not joy, is the root of happiness. My joy right now is in the sun, the trees, the snow, the people going buy, and the vibes in my own soul. It is in feeling deeply and intimatly connected with the pulse of life, tao. I happen to think lao tzu probably felt similar himself.

"As someone stated in a post recently and I really dug it, "waves and troughs'"

haha! I said that! a number of times. and i will certainly get back to you in a month!

nope...i call bullshit!!! post three weeks from now and tell me the same thing... and be honest. sorry dude......thats what "rollin" does to ya makes ya happy and apparently alot of people come out of it think they are bi-seexual... maybe since you were not used to doing E it was a new experiance for you and you have just misinturprited it as.....____. dont want to jinx ya but the world is a shitty place and people are poison and they saturate the world with their filth......... people fill me full of discust, and sarrow.

that's why doing drugs is a nice escape from it all......you wont be high forever......sorry. BUT its nice to hear that you're not depressed yet!!!!!!!! seeing such beauty, then having to come back to reality often brings on depression.

and if im wrong about this im sorry, and good for you! i can only dream of happiness like that, or do drugs to feel that happiness.

--------------------

Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are -Kurt Cobain

However... when one learns to see this bigger picture (of waves and troughs) it becomes easier for one to endure the troughs... not necessarily because there is another wave to look forward to, but simply because seeing this bigger picture gives one emotional control. With control of your emotions at your disposal, the trough nearly disappears. It becomes a time for focused self-help. When one hits a trough, they are fully capable of seeing through the malaise of their emotional rollercoaster, and finally simply appreciating the ride as a whole.

"no, the world is a mirror of theself. or at least, your world, or your reality is."

Our self image is readily apparent to most people. The effect our self image has on other people may be agreement or disagreement.

If we are smiling, people may smile back, or may get pissed off by our being "too" happy. The term "shit eating grin" comes to mind. Or, they may suspect the reason we are too happy is from drugs as you had experienced. They do notice the change, they may react positively, negatively, or skeptically depending on their own self image.

The Discouragement Fraternity has many dues paying members. Look at this thread, some say "well just wait Moonshoe, sure you are at the top of the wave now, but soon you will be in a trough."

I think a lot like you... I feel it in almost every post you contribute.

Congratulations on your latest breakthrough... you might find that you don't have to open MORE doors, but instead simply find yourself "reminded that this door existed" each time you have another breakthrough.

Beauty is all around us... most often an individual struggles with seeing beauty past what they deem morally positive... it's a great step to acknowledge the beauty of the "darkness" of reality.

Tell me, Moonshoe... does your latest breakthrough change how you would respond to the "if you had a baby that you knew would grow up to be hitler, would you kill it?" thread?

That was one of the only posts by you to date that I didn't agree with... so I'm just curious.

Check out Skystone's response in this thread for my opinions on death as a means of punishment or prevention of death.

P.S. I don't remember if I even responded to the hitler thread, but my response is basically this: I wouldn't kill him. I would grab him and run like hell. I would raise him as my own, and he would not have become who he did in the circumstance that did not include my meeting him in infancy.

no kidding! And I was indeed happy while I was on the E! but the difference is, it has now been SEVEN, count them SEVEN days since any E has been in my body and I still feel a deep, pervasive, authentic happiness. The world seems bright, I wake up eager to enjoy a new day, I feel powerfull and in control and most of all I feel love. This is not an experience that simply popping a cap of E will give you.

?and apparently alot of people come out of it think they are bi-seexual... ?

well, I don?t think im bisexual? I am bisexual!.

What that means is that I am sexually/physically attracted to both guys and girls. Again, this cannot be ascribed to E. Popping E doesn?t ?make ? you gay. It did however help me to stop blocking out or dismissing those impulses and instead enjoy them for what they are.

?dont want to jinx ya but the world is a shitty place and people are poison and they saturate the world with their filth......... people fill me full of discust, and sarrow.?

I feel your pain man. The world is indeed abundant in suffering. I wont give you the deep metaphysical explanation right now, or tell you why your perception of this disgusting world originates entirely within you. Rather I will simply say, reality contains INFINITE JOY and INFINITE BEAUTY, as well as INFINITE SADNESS and INFINITE EVIL. What parts of that reality you choose to have manifest in YOUR PERSONAL EXPERIENCE is entirely up to you. Right now you are stuck in a negative reality loop.

You anticipate and expect ugliness and sorrow, you have that imbeded within you. thus you perceive ugliness and sorrow, and thus your previous internal ?settings? are futher reinforced.

I on the other hand am in a positive reality loop (trust me, ive been where you are!) I feel love inside me, I expect love outside me, I perceive that love, and my love is reinforced.

Neither of us is ?right?. The world is both good AND bad. However, think about which of those two reality loops is more pleasant to be stuck in, and its not hard to see that your current pessimistic view of life is hindering rather than helping you.

? seeing such beauty, then having to come back to reality often brings on depression.?

Reality is baeutifull, on drugs or not. The E helped me to realize the joy of life, not escape the sorrow of it. Do you see?

Probably not, yet, but I wish you all the best in your quest and sincerely hope you can open your eyes to the love in abundance that surrounds you!

?Moonshoe, you're the fucking man!

I think a lot like you... I feel it in almost every post you contribute.?

Jacquescousteau, and SOURCE as well, I love you guys. And I feel very strongly the similar thought processes that we have when I read your stuff as well. Its very nice to know I have some kindred souls treading this path with me! Much love?

?Tell me, Moonshoe... does your latest breakthrough change how you would respond to the "if you had a baby that you knew would grow up to be hitler, would you kill it?" thread??

yes. Before this change I would have said, I absolutely would kill the baby because logically it makes sense. (i told you before i was dwelling too much in the head) But now I am seeing through the heart, at least a lot more so, and my answer now is that I would simply love the baby, and love his souls journey, though it might hurt me to think of where that would take him and the world. Somewhere between those two extremes is the true answer to my question though which is that ?I don?t, and never will, know what is RIGHT, because right is relative to my current state of awareness, and changes from day to day.

"Right now you are stuck in a negative reality loop." you haven't got a clue as to what i feel on a daily basis! i begin the day positive...and usually after work, etc. i have a more negative outlook. which isn't a negative loop at all. it's nuetral. im content to be discontented. find joy in sorrow.

"You anticipate and expect ugliness and sorrow, you have that imbeded within you. thus you perceive ugliness and sorrow, and thus your previous internal ?settings? are futher reinforced." again you have no idea what i may anticipate or expect. i anticipate having a blissful day at work and home..i expect NOTHING, i do however have some idea as to what the day will become due to my experiance.... yesterday-great in the mornin' shitty after work. day before-the same. before that and so on-basically the same. therefore i prepare myself for a good day, but am not naive enough to suggest that everything and everyone is just perfect at the end of the day.

internal settings and inbediment of ugliness and sorrow? what's this? has you're veiws change just slightly? before you saw all beauty in all things and now you find me to be internally and eternally ugly and sorrowful.??? contradictory to your previous post a bit.

look i wasn't tryin' to rain on your parade like i stated in my first post..i was just lookin out for a soul that is dissolusioned in thinkin all is good all the time.. cuz it's gunna hurt real bad when you come to find out that the beauty you once saw in humankind has vanished out of sight...for now.

--------------------

Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are -Kurt Cobain

this is a lovely thing, lovely indeed, so lovely that i can feel the ove trickling back into here, slowly but surely, and i like it.

--------------------"yet the more i dig, the more i consume, the more i unfold... the less protected i feel.
i am the spit on the hair of the son of an electron, swimming around the nucleus of a cell inside the sperm of a killer bee, and my purpose is as nebulous as why weve been bestowed with the capacity to give a shit" Brandon Boyd

your right, and i apologize sincerly if i assumed to much. ALL that i know about you and how you feel is contained in the words that you have shared with me, and thats what i was going on.

But? I don?t think its fair to act like im making wild and unfounded guesses about how you ?feel on a daily basis? ? lets look at what you told me in your last post:

?the world is a shitty place?

?people are poison and they saturate the world with their filth?

?people fill me full of disgust, and sorrow.?

?drugs is an escape from it all?

to me, those sentiments really made it sound like you were quite a depressed, pessimistic and disillusioned person. None of that is intended as an insult of you! Far from it! I know very well what it feels like to be absolutely disgusted by the world and the actions of the people in it! And its not fun!

Believe it or not, everything I said to you was intended as helpful advice, advice and wisdom that I myself have used to get passed my own self inflicted sorrow.

?before you saw all beauty in all things and now you find me to be internally and eternally ugly and sorrowful.??? contradictory to your previous post a bit.?

Again, im afraid your misunderstanding me? I certainly didn?t mean to say your internally ugly, although you certainly seem internally sorrowfull from what you?ve let me know about you. What I mean is that all the emotions that we feel, like the disgust and sorrow you were talking about, has its root in the way our ?perceptual framework? , our ?ego? .. is constructed.

Youll notice in life that what makes one person feel despair might make another person feel happiness. This is because it is not in fact the stimulus or event itself that causes those emotions, it is our own internal make up?

All im trying to say is that if you feel a lot of depression, its not actually because the world itself is a hideous place, but has more to do with the way you are set up to look at that world. Again, please don?t take this as some kind of criticism! This is true of ALL of us. All I mean to say is that somewhere along the line you have developed some kind of negative internal constructs that are causing you to see people and the world through a negative light (BASED ONLY ON WHAT YOU TOLD ME) ? if you are in fact mostly happy, then this advice is not needed.

I guess all I was doing is trying to respond to your statements ?the world is a shitty place? from my perspective, which is that the world is neither a shitty nor a gorgeous place, and yet both. Which it becomes for us depends not on the world but on how we look at the world, on our internal set up.

Im sorry if you thought I was insulting you, I wasn?t and I apologize for giving that impression. I hope this clarifies what I meant a bit.

?i was just lookin out for a soul that is dissolusioned in thinkin all is good all the time..?

I certainly didn?t mean to imply that bad things wont happen, or that I wont feel sorrow again, I was simply trying to share an experience with you, an experience that brought me into a new state of conciousness where the world is seen in a much more positive light, and even those bad things that inevitably happen have far less of a negative emotional impact on me. Im not in fact disillusioned or deluded. Im just happy.

?cuz it's gunna hurt real bad when you come to find out that the beauty you once saw in humankind has vanished out of sight...for now.?

Again, I know people do bad things. I know bad people are out there. But the beauty I see in humankind, the beauty of people talking, playing, dancing, making love, learning, peacefully together? will never vanish as long as mankind endures.

for sure, what moonshoe said, it does hurt, beyond recognition or even being able to specify, dont lose that light man, it is hard to see again once you've lost sight of it.

--------------------"yet the more i dig, the more i consume, the more i unfold... the less protected i feel.
i am the spit on the hair of the son of an electron, swimming around the nucleus of a cell inside the sperm of a killer bee, and my purpose is as nebulous as why weve been bestowed with the capacity to give a shit" Brandon Boyd

Quote:Frog said: , a person to whom I had given a bad rating (and I don't usually give those but I had given them twice in one week after the Swami thing exploded) contacted me just to discuss the content over which I had given the bad rating.

funnny, because a few days ago when I pissed you off, you gave me 5 shrooms. but why??