Last week, I conceived a post – This Week in "No Homo" – and scrapped it after discovering that "no homo" use on Twitter is relentless.

Among the four hours worth of tweets containing "no homo" that I bothered to sift through, I noticed that, in addition to typical insecure "no homo"s, some people used "no homo" like a self-referential "that's what she said."

Special recognition:
» Happy Endings, S02E05 ("Sorry, I don't actually work here. This is just a costume.")
» South Park, S15E11 ("Merrily We Roll Along, bro!")
» The League, S03E04 ("Dude, and I dyed my pubes white like Brian's, so my dick is terrifying.")

About half of the nation's 50,000 motels are owned or controlled by immigrants who trace their origin to the state of Gujarat in western India, many with the last name Patel.

But hundreds of those hotel and motel owners now are fighting foreclosure, while others have lost their properties to lenders, said Hemant Patel, chairman of the Asian American Hotel Owners Association. The Atlanta trade group represents nearly 10,000 immigrants of Gujarati descent in the U.S. with lodging properties valued at an estimated $130 billion.

Why hasn't this secret world of Gujarati motel owners surnamed Patel been the subject of a documentary film yet?

Previously on Adam Riff™:
Before I owned an MP3 player, I burned a spindle full of unmarked CD-R mixes, and I thought it would be fun to randomly re-visit one track by track.

Electric boogaloo!

1. Hilltop Hoods – "1979"Jonny Nail nominated this song to represent Australia on The Olympic Album. I ended up using another Hilltop Hoods song that he nominated, but penciled this song in for a planned "time machine" compilation of songs with a year in their title. That mix would've also included: Alkaline Trio's "'97," Brandtson's "Circa 1991," and Pedro the Lion's "June 18, 1976."

3. Zebrahead – "Anthem"
When pondering the swaggest guitarist I have ever seen live, I always picture Greg Bergdorf at the El Rey in 2001.

4. HORSE the band – "Anti-Pizza"
Okay, the Pizza EP was fall 2006, two years after I bought my first iPod, but I didn't want to spend money on a device to connect it to my car's stereo during commutes to and from my doomed internship at Hudson, so I burned CD mixes.

8. The Rapture – "Don Go Do It"
Chris Castle so indoctrinated me to Echoes during a trip to his grandfather's cabin in the Puget Sound that I cannot embrace poppier Rapture, or The Rapture A.E. (after Echoes).

10. The Radical Dudez – "Girls Who Play in the Snow"
Ben forwarded me this song. For reasons unbeknownst to me, Ben attended university in Canada, where he befriended the members of this band. If you only listen to one song about missing Canada while studying abroad in the UK…

11. Plain White T's – "Hate (I Really Don't Like You)"
I am puzzled as to why I included this song.

GH: We shot this mockumentary thing about — because everybody used to joke that Rob looked like Haley Joel Osment — Rob playing Haley Joel Osment in his twenties, years later, and Charlie played Frankie Muniz years later.

UM

Shame that Rob McElhenney lost the weight he gained, because he could play Haley Joel Osment in his twenties.

Jon: Oooh! Thrice is playing in Los Angeles during my trip. Where is the Mayan?Ogre: Downtown. Near Staples.Jon: Oof. That's like four hours round-trip via public transportation. I've endured it before, though.

Jon: I haven't been back to Los Angeles since…2008? The Dark Knight's opening weekend. As such, I'm compiling a dining hit list.B: Can I see?

Another mark, now obscure, is the point d'ironie, sometimes known as a "snark." A back-to-front question mark, it was deployed by the 16th-century printer Henry Denham to signal rhetorical questions. More recently, the difficulty of detecting irony and sarcasm in electronic communication has prompted fresh calls for a revival of the point d'ironie.

The snark!

I think I'll begin using them. I'm sure Josh in Bloomington will dig it

Zach Galifianakis: You made him Mexican. In this country. They'll be all over him!Patton Oswalt: I made him a Mexican airline pilot! The two things cancel each other out.
(Bored to Death, S03E02)

Galifianakis: Throw in another one of these pilot outfits.Oswalt: I could have a fat pilot outfit in 20 minutes.Galifianakis: No, I need one. This isn't for you.Oswalt: -__-
(Bored to Death, S03E02)

Jane: You cannot give up so easily. What are you, LeBron in the fourth quarter? [affected laugh] I don't know what it means either, but Brad…Brad says it all the time.
(Happy Endings, S02E04)

Brad: You always have to do your own Max thing.Max: My Max thing? What, being funny and surprising? And people are like, "There's Max. Watch what happens." Then other people are like, "Very funny." And then other people are like, "Characters welcome."
(Happy Endings, S02E04)

Max: Right now, I have to prioritize my hate, and it goes: her, cooked green peppers, and then back to you, champ.
(Happy Endings, S02E04)

Hayden: I am not going back to that NORMS!
(American Horror Story, S01E03)

Whipple Deluxe Pastry Set
With this sweet craft kit, kids can create little confections that look good enough to eat. (But don't do it!) Pipe the Whipple cream onto play food, then let it harden into treats that never go stale.

All you do is pipe cream? What a lousy toy.

At least with an Easy-Bake Oven, you can eat the fruits of your labour.

Idea: A young, half-white, half-Asian professional mysteriously begins behaving 100 percent white at times, and 100 percent Asian at times – Dr. Jekyll and Mystery Side. It could be comedy (redneck white and FOB Asian) or horror (he is ashamed of one half).

Better yet, he shares a house with other mixed-race folk who suffer the same temporary condition. Mutts, an FX original series. Oh, the permutations.

He sprinkled baby powder on it — what looked like a huge watermelon encased in a compression bandage — but the unmistakable smell of urine couldn't be completely smothered.

His penis is so buried in his scrotal tissue that he can't direct his urination and often sprays the area around him.

He can't sit down for a bowel movement and must catch it in the same kind of pail used in casinos for coins.

An acquaintance helped him pull the compression garment over his scrotum. That took at least 15 minutes.

He said he weighed his scrotum on a scale.

Jon: I want to be Indian engineer, but fear that people will just see blackface with a fake mustache.Jon: I could lighten the pigment and be a Mexican-American who can't speak Spanish.Rory: You could not do anything and be a Korean person.
[pause]