36 answers that lead to love with the Martlet

In January, a Modern Love essay in the New York Times chronicled how a woman married a man after asking each other 36 questions that, in a study published in 1997, was “guaranteed” to make someone fall in love. Here are our answers:

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

A living guest? ‘Cause otherwise it’d be Jesus. Free wine and bread, duh. But living? I’d have to say Nick Offerman. Seems like a genuine guy. We could talk about movies and furniture. My two favourite things.

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

I’d like to be famous for eliciting one great quote.

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

Absolutely. I want to compile my answers into a book dedicated to one-sided conversations.

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

Mostly just binge reading free, local, well-produced publications. Like that one . . . what’s it called? Something about a bird?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

While we were making burgers last night, my person and I sang “Sunshine Superman” by Donovan. We also danced. It was beautiful.

6. If you were able to live to 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

I would want the body of course. Well, wait. Is it my 30-year old body? Or like, Brad Pitt in Fight Club? I will take that body then.

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

As a natural selection reject, death is always right around the corner. Likely, I will die from contact with grass. Or dirt. Or the sun.

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

We recognize that the Martlet is the best independent weekly in town.

We’re procrastinating right now.

We like cats (right?)

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

I just bought a pair of grey slacks that kind of look green in some light and kind of blue in other light. They are also just casual and sturdy enough to wear anytime. Needless to say, they’re super versatile. I can wear them with anything.

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

Learning about sex through my parents and not my peers. Friends think they know, but you will run into certain shenanigans that only parents know the answers to.

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

I was born on a Friday, weighed 7 lbs 1 oz at birth, and share a birthday with House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Leonard Nimoy. I learned to read late in life—about a week ago.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

I would wake up and be super really good at writing words while being funny and stuff.

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

Does Firefly ever come back?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

I have always dreamed of playing bass for Taylor Swift. I haven’t done it yet because she won’t return my calls/emails/scrapbooks.

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

The Prime Minister once waved at me during an Oilers Playoff game (yes, way back in ‘06). I mean, sure, it was only Stephen Harper, but we made serious eye contact. It felt important.

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

Comfort. And the ability to pick up where you left off no matter how much time has passed.

17. What is your most treasured memory?

Seeing Arcade Fire perform while backstage at Squamish Valley Music Festival. I will never forget how bright the lights were.

18. What is your most terrible memory?

A mistake I made when I was eight or nine. I had to watch Shrek on repeat for months to wash it away.

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

I would do a lot more drugs and eat a lot more delicious, expensive food that was bad for me. I would also travel and rack up a lot of credit card debt while taking out a great life insurance policy if my condition was a secret.