Is it only me who thinks that cashflow projections and business plans are a load of bollocks?

Silly thing to say? Well here’s my thinking…

I once went for a bank loan to start a business with a mate YEARS back – over twenty years ago…

…and our business model was the biggest work of fiction since the British royal family changed their name to Windsor and started their “Honest we’re not really German” campaign…

We had cashflow projections, forecasts and a five-year business model.

It was the biggest fairy story since Snow White decided she liked them ‘short but lots of ’em!’

And the bank loved it.

We got the loan and promptly started a totally different business with the money which was quite successful.

Yes I know that some of you will consider me an amateur for daring to say this but COME ON – cashflow forecasts and projections would be great except for one thing…

…real life gets in the way.

You might say ‘well they’re just there to give an indication…’, but it might be a totally WRONG indication

The economy changes for one thing.

Lehman Brothers’ cashflow forecast was about as useful as Anne Frank’s drum kit.

It’s worse in internet marketing, Google does updates, domain registrars go out of business and you lose your domains, Paypal closes your accounts, some governing bodies somewhere changes the rules on website terminology…

…or, as I reckon is a possibility, the Euro ends up being worth less than a fart in a spacesuit.

But it’s also the reason I LOVE internet marketing – online business in general – in fact all levels of entrepreneurship…

…because you don’t have to play by the rules.

In my humble opinion the biggest skill you can have as an entrepreneur is being good at problem solving

(or ‘getting yourself out of the sh*t’ as my old gran used to say)

You don’t have to ‘do’ mainstream to be in business online, and that’s what makes me passionate about IM

You can be a pioneer, you can try stuff, and can plan your business in whatever way you want to,
ignoring cashflow forecasts and any other crystal-ball gazing just because other people do it IF that’s
what you want to do.

Well it’s almost exactly two months since two orphaned Mallard ducklings were left for us to look after.

And a few days ago the first one decided it was time to leave and flew off. The second one flew away yesterday. They can fly well at 50-60 days and since we have large bodies of water very close I presume that’s where they’ve gone.

We didn’t keep them caged (although we gave them somewhere to hide in case foxes, weasels or cats came around) and they were free to leave whenever they wanted.

Luckily they didn’t seem to imprint on us and although they were very friendly and would sit on a blanket in the garden with us, and regularly came into the house looking for something to munch, we never picked them up and slowly fed them less and less so they learned to forage for their own grub.

They got along fine with the chickens (in the pic you can see them noseying around my wife’s workroom) and free-ranged in the garden all the time.

The kids were a little upset but always understood they were never pets or anything, but it is a little sad to not have them waddling around any more, even though it’s MUCH better that they leave.

A major realisation in my life came about when I realised that deferring ‘life’ until some future date (success, retirement, a certain income level) was a BIG mistake.

So I defined my income level, working hours (I was reasonably established in IM at the time) as ‘success’ and started enjoying everything that brought instead of working towards some future goal or time.

Obviously I still needed to work (still do) even if it’s just a case of sending out a promo and working 20 minutes a day. At other times I might really get into the writing process of creating a product and work 12 hours a day doing so.

I take a LOT of free time to spend with my family, walking, taking photographs, sitting in the garden, having a pint with friends and everything else that makes life worth living.

The stuff that makes you breathe a little slower and smile for no reason…those calm moments when you realise that life truly is wonderful…

The main thing was defining THAT point of my life as the point when I had acheived my own personal success. I just moved the goalposts and redefined it.

I chose not to put off fully enjoying my life until all my circumstances were right, because they never will be.

Ever.

It’s all about making the decision to enjoy life, and enjoy it NOW.

Because if you DON’T define your success as being right here right now, how long do you wait, and what circumstances will be the right ones?

They’re possibly the cutest things I’ve ever seen and my wife and chidren are smitten, yet we have a strong sense of realism about having them (temporarily) living with us

I won’t go into too much detail about how they came to be here except that I wasn’t entirely happy about it (people thinking they’re doing the right thing often get it badly wrong) but they are now definitely orphaned and have nowhere else to go.

They were cold, bedreggled things when they arrived but now they’re putting on weight nicely, are swimming and seem to be happy and in perfect health. They haven’t got their own waterproofing just yet but a fluffly towel and a good heat source means they can practise in the water and keep warm immediately after.

They need to reach certain stages when we can remove their heat lamp (we’re already slowly doing this), let them live outside for longer and longer periods…right up to the point where they’ll fly away to do their own thing.

We have a tiny pond but it’s not really suitable for fully grown ducks but it just might suffice until they feel it’s time to go.

They’ve probably already imprinted on their mother (they were only a day old or so when they came to us) and they’re being treated very much like the wild birds they are although they do seem to like a snuggle once in a while. We’ve got the right food for them and as good an environment as possible excepting of course being in the wild with their mum.

The first few days were touch and go but now it’s pretty obvious they’re going to reach adult duck-hood unless something unforseen happens. We’ve taken expert advice and all seems well.

They get loads of care from the minute my daughter and I get up to let the chickens out in the morning, right through until we go to bed so we’re keeping an eye on them most of the time.

It’s an amazing experience for our children and I’ve no doubt there will be tears when they leave, but all in all it’s a far more valuable educational experience than the sodding SATS tests the government are forcing on kids under 12 in the UK at the moment (kudos and support to all the parents who decided to keep their children off school today in a protest about how much stress the government is putting our children under)

So that’s it.

We are playing hotel to two Mallard ducklings.

Gorgeous creatures.

Didn’t stop me getting a large portion of ‘Chinese-style duck with egg fried rice’ from the Cantonese take-away last night though 😉

…yep… ‘head’ as in severed, pickled, 270 year old head (see photo below)

It’s the head of a bloke called Francis Towneley (I took the kids to visit Towneley Hall in Lancashire one day when they were bored over the Easter hols) and he was a Catholic Jacobite who fought with Bonnie Prince Charlie to overthrow King George II

It didn’t end well. Francis was caught and sentenced to be hung, drawn and quartered.

(This next section is a bit grim)

So they hung him for SIX minutes (that’s as long as it takes to boil an egg), kicking spluttering and worst of all knowing that WORSE was to come because the hanging bit was ‘only’ for pain not execution…

…then cut him down, and while still alive, started to slice him into quarters.

Being a tough bloke – he was called ‘gay and volatile’ at the time but I’m pretty sure the meaning was different back then 🙂 – he was STILL alive so the ‘merciful’ executioner (great name for a band) cut his throat.

After being briefly buried, his head was then dipped in preservative pitch and rammed on a spike at Temple Bar in London, which was the gate between Fleet Street and The Strand and used to mark the entrance to the city.

(See what happens to northern lads on a night out in London eh?)

It remained there for over twenty years and in fact Dr Johnson (the poet, writer and essayist) saw it in the late 1760’s.

Must have been a bit mushy by then.

To cut a long story short, it ended up behind the chapel wall at Towneley Hall in Lancashire via a London townhouse, a hat box and the indignity of occasionally being passed round the dining table by pissed-up members of the Townely family for a laugh.

So when we saw what must be the BEST sign ever in a stately home ‘Please Do Not Touch The Head‘, I couldn’t resist sharing.

The photo is difficult to see but if you zoom in his nose looks to be in remarkably good condition, and you can see the hole when the head was rammed on the spike at the top. There’s still a bit of hair there too, in fact more than my accountant has.

Spring is definitely here because while cleaning my teeth this morning with the bathroom window open, all I could hear was froggy croaking.

A quick investigation of our tiny pond revealed an orgy that could have been hosted by a froggy Caligula. They mostly scarpered when I came close with my camera (who wouldn’t) but these few hardy amphibians decided to put on a show.