Eva Longoria and Penelope Cruz's labret-pierced baby brother Eduardo Cruz know you are watching them on their party boat in Miami, and they will make out with each other anyway. (See the kiss here.) That is what happened yesterday, which means the pint-sized actress is "desperate" for "summer lovin'" no more after her divorce from sexting San Antonio Spur husband Tony Parker. "You go girl," followed by Z-shaped snaps, etc. [TMZ, images via Splash]

Remember how Lindsay Lohan was supposed to be charged with felony grand theft yesterday, for "borrowing" a $2500 necklace from a store that says it did not lend it to her? Well, that's still totally happening, but later this week. LiLo thinks the prosecutor is "out to get" here, which is perhaps factually accurate (Isn't it the prosecutor's job to be "out to get" criminals?) albeit melodramatic. Then again, when you're apt to face charges that carry a prison sentence of up to three years, melodrama is kind of appropriate. [Radar]

Charlie Sheen is going back to work by the end of the month. No risk of relapse at all. [E!]

Speaking of which, here's Charlie Sheen-banging porn star Capri Anderson on how she made the magic happen:

I'm just a funny, witty girl. I do what any other 22 year old girl does. Charlie's offer was so personal and so enticing. He said...."Will you join me at my party with a group of friends." […] I went out that day and brought a brand new Prada purse that went with my beautiful dress that I wore that evening. I thought, "Charlie Sheen wants me to go to dinner?" I didn't know it was a paid appearance until my agent told me. I couldn't believe I was getting a check in the mail.

Capri's comments appear in the new issue of Steppin' Out, America's Trashiest Magazine and the leading source for sexy pictures of high-end call girls and "the other woman" in every scandal. [Steppin' Out]

Speaking of "paid appearances," Hugh Hefner exes Holly Madison and Bridget Marquardt got $30,000 to sit next to an unnamed businessman at a Super Bowl party. Holly's pores actually emits a fine mist of diamonds and other precious gems, so he probably made the investment back in triple. [P6]

Remember how Christina Aguilera flubbed the national anthem at the Super Bowl? Well she totally nailed it at the rehearsal! She nailed it so hard she didn't even bother finishing the song, because she was all, "I got it, guys." Moral of the story: Practice makes perfect, especially when it's a verse in the second half of the song. [TMZ]

Miley Cyrus snuggled with Amy Winehouse's ex, who happens to be her co-star in So Undercover, a movie with a score composed entirely of sorority girl squeals pitched so high only dogs will able to jam to the motion picture soundtrack. [Us]

Katy Perry spent her childhood deeply ashamed of her "enormous boobs." It took her years to become confident enough to shove them in cameras at all times. What suffering! What pain! Girl with amazing rack was not always willing to display it! [Elle, People]

Kelsey Grammer and a glob of flammable silicone named Camille Grammer finally struck a deal for the terms of their divorce, which means Kelsey can marry fiance Kayte Walsh by the end of the month. [TMZ]

Selma Blair is quite pregnant, and flaunting it in the tiniest bikini ever to grace two humans at the same time. I can't remember if we knew about her pregnancy and I just forgot about it, or maybe she's been wearing baggy dresses lately, or what. [Superficial]