Random thoughts from a few cantankerous American physicians. All contributors are board certified. Various specialties are represented here. I do not know where this will lead but hope it will at least be an enjoyable read. All of the names mentioned in this blog are pseudonyms, the ages have been changed, and in half the cases the gender as well. All photographs are published with patient consent or are digitally altered to preserve anonymity. Trust us, we're doctors.

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Thursday, July 10, 2008

Stop clogging my computer with stories about measles outbreaks. This is not news. This is hairy armpit dip shit granola f**kers dragging their snotty-nosed unvaccinated spawn into Whole Foods and interacting with other pseudo-intellectual numb-nuts who thought it would be cool to raise their little Moonbeam "vaccine free" after watching Jenny McCarthy on Oprah. God forbid do a little research. How many of the kids with measles were vaccinated? Maybe....zero. And what is the Proof of vaccines being connected to childhood diseases or learning disabilities.....Maybe....zero. (I said proof, not conjecture, or my aunt knows a guy who knows a guy). And just because your child has something, doesn't establish cause and effect. (We have discussed that ad nauseam on this blog) Otherwise there would be over 100 million autistic kids out there, and there just ain't. Alright tree huggers and alarmists, you can post now. I'm sure you are awake at this hour taking care of your poor, innocent child with fever, cough, body aches, sore throat, and rash from a horrible, preventable, disease.

And another thing: turn off that damn cell phone while I am in your room in the ED. Unless you are the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, I don't give two shits on when Shaquetha is meeting youat Orange Julius and then heading over to the Gap. I have started central lines, resuscitated family members, drained abscesses, and even done a pelvic exam while people talked on the phone. (Yes, a patient was talking to her girlfriend about her boyfriend while I'm staring at her nasty cervix). Hang the hell up. You are not that important. It can wait until I leave the room, and trust me, usually in the ED I'm trying to get out as fast as I can.

16 comments:

Aw Cat that sucks. Especially the nasty snatch part. Ewwww. They seriously don't pay you guys enough. I always try to be really covert if I'm on the phone, and hang up immediately if and when a doc or nurse enters whatever kind of medical deal I'm at.

Here's a question? What kind of/family of viruses presents with runny nose, sore throat, constant barfing and water butt diarrhea (sorry for the term but it's so descriptive)? Isn't that a weird combination of symptoms? Upper respiratory and gastro?

Does it frustrate you to walk into an exam room to find somebody on the phone if they immediately hang up? I've always thought that finding out what the doctor thinks is more impoortant than whatever I'm on the phone about, so I can't understand why people don't hang up when yopu walk in.

I used to work as a cashier and people would always take cell phone calls while I was ringing up their purchases. Then when I told them the amount they would look at me as if I was scum because I interrupted their precious phone call. They would proceed to talk on the phone for several more minutes while the line behind them got longer and more annoyed. I don't know why it's so difficult to call someone back later . . .

Thanks again Cat. We've been exposed. I had to watch my brother in law's kids while he was rushed in an ambulance to the CCU in my town from a podunk hospital that had no cardiologist. They thought he was having a really long heart attack, but fortunately turned out to be pericarditis due to previously mentioned enterovirus. He's only 35. He was coming home from vacation at Jackson Hole. I'm not worried about anyone getting pericarditis, I realize that's a fluke of your personal immune system, but the thought of that enterovirus. Nothing's worse than puking and pooping while trying to take care of puking and pooping kids.

Agree with you totally. Cell phones, everyone has one but what gets me is, can't pay for your own groceries, thats what the Government is for right, but damn sure have a phone and those stupid ear pieces.

This is hairy armpit dip shit granola f**kers dragging their snotty-nosed unvaccinated spawn into Whole Foods and interacting with other pseudo-intellectual numb-nuts who thought it would be cool to raise their little Moonbeam "vaccine free" after watching Jenny McCarthy on Oprah.

Absolutely brilliant, Cat! I could never have said that any better. You get what you pay for...or don't pay for in this instance.

Well looky looky. Seems that just today Harvard researchers (them's some smart dudes) have learned that multiple 'inactive' gene sequences seem to be very closely related to the risk of developing autism.

Of course, those granola-eating, Moonbeam-raising, Whole Foods-overspending idiots will argue that the vaccines are what CAUSE the genes to become 'inactive'.

Saw one of those Granola Crunching, Crok wearing Soccer Moms last week, just moved to the ATL from Seattle, there to get her kids shots updated. Funny how backwards Georgia has a centralized Immunization Data base while sophistocated Washington uses faded construction paper. Turned out her 2 spawn each needed 2 shots in order to attend one of Georgia's great public schools. She calls her Seattle Pediatrician's office, gets the shot record faxed, watta ya know, they needed 4 shots.

what are you talking about 'cat?? herd immunity works really well, until, well, until it doesn't work, in which case not only is your little crumb-cruncher needlessly sicker than shit, but so are his like minded crumb-cruncher friends.

i hear accupressure works well for measles and the black death, it's like accupuncture, but it's... let me take a trip down here on the isle of wight... we need a bit more oil.... vietnam?? no... homo.

I work in primary care (family practice) in the UK in a fairly scuzzy part of town. My aspirant gangsta patients often rceive calls during a consultation. I point to the door and ask them to come back in when they've finished. Rude bastards.