copyranter

About Me

The Best Ad Critic In The World™ (™ pending), but I'm done as a reviewer, at least full-time. I'm also a damn good copywriter with 20+ years experience in NYC. Hire me for your in-house creative department, and I will help you make better, more interesting, and more effective ads/branded content. Samples/resume available upon request. Salary request is very reasonable.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Carte Noire coffee.

Comedy=Tragedy+Time+Toyota.

(click ad, via) Too soon? The Japanese automaker's "sudden-acceleration" problem has caused 30+ deaths so far. Dansk Port Teknik is a garage door company in Thorsager, Denmark. The Copenhagen office of worldwide mega ad agency JWT thought that these two things should be merged into a little ad award-bait print execution. It probably ran once in a local free car seller.

The Underwood Deviled Ham devil used to be much eviler.

(nsfw) The girlie promo calendar maybe becoming too pervasive.

(click images, via) Pirelli—the original—of course, does it. (scumlord Terry Richardson shot this year's [very NSFW]) Budget airline Ryanair does it. Even an Italian coffin builder does it. Can you guess who this Russian 2010 calendar is for? The Moscow Symphony Orchestra would be a logical answer, but an incorrect one. No, these soaked "horny" (*snicker*) women were photographed for Gross, a Russian plumbing supplies company. I guess they thought naked ladies holding pieces of pipe would've been over-the-top phallic. This is artsier.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Eyelab.

No Shredded Wheat in the house? Then, don't have kids.

(click ad, via) Population control, via cereal company. It's either Shredded Wheat, or a sexless marriage (or condoms, I suppose). The copy is classic:"You can't build sturdy boys and girls out of corn or oats or white flour bread or pastries (true). A Shredded Wheat Biscuit supplies all the energy needed for work or play, for children or grown-ups, for invalids or athletes (well that covers everybody)."Previously humorous retro cereal ads:• Trix.• Grape-Nuts.• Sugar Smacks.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

(click images, via) D-I-C-K-E-Y...from the latest issue of L'Officiel Hommes magazine, Brazilian model Arthur Sales, in a shoot by Milan Vukmirovic entitled "we could be heroes," dresses up shirtless as the icon of Disney and then grabs his cock with Mickey hands. PreviousFashion Shoot Of The Week.

Monday, February 22, 2010

"Take it on the run, baby..."

(click ad, via) Was it pronounced R-E-O, Ray-o, or Rio, I wonder? Middle notes of Tom Ford's Tom Ford, with hints of Bear, and a base of Glory Hole. Look closely, and you'll see a bottle on Gay Bob's closet shelf. Official fragrance of the Muddy Yorkers. Combine it with that free "custom designed" 24Kt-plated logo pendant, and boy oh boy, 80s boy-toys were powerless in your presence.

GIANT F*CKING CLEAVER TRAIN CROSSING WARNING.

"People clearly receive a relevant message in an unexpected way and it grabs many attentions. The giant cleaver made drivers stop when the alarm is on as the gate moving down. It has been a breakthrough..."

Friday, February 19, 2010

Link Haze, 2/19/10.

• FAIL.• Dreaming of a bigger package?•The American dream? Fake cheese.• Aliens hate us because of your SUV.• Blackface is the new Black in fashion.• New Yorkers should not be allowed to have dogs.• metroPCS hires graffiti writers to tag their stores.• Secret Soviet document: how to disable Stealth jets—a shovel and pebbles.

Bulging HUNG Billboard Hangs Over Auckland.

(click image, via) I've been getting a few complaints about posting toomuch Boobvertising lately. So: time for a Dickvertising update. The HBO show is just now making its New Zealand debut on TVNZ's channel one. To promote it, Auckland ad agency Collenso BBDO hung this impressive wad of a board. Nice one. Previous Hung ad: fake Hung escort ad in Time Out New York.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Pantytime from American Apparel.

And the Gold Medal for worst contextual ad in Olympics history goes to...

(click images) ...the Chartered Accountants of Canada. These scans are from Tuesday's edition of the Globe & Mail. The article appeared on the bottom of page O12, the ad appeared directly across the spread on the bottom of O13. Now, this ad was of course conceived well before the accident. But since Kumaritashvili died last Friday, CA certainly had time to pull it. I guess they didn't quite anticipate it looking like an editorial photo accompaniment to the story, complete with gut-wrenching caption. Jesus.Previously in: tragic contextual ads.Related: it's 9/11—clap your hands say yeah!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

copyranter on The Awl: Odd Man Rush.

For the none of you who are hockey fans, I've started writing a weekly column for media site The Awl titled "Odd Man Rush." This week, I briefly introduced their smart readers to the best two players in the game. (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Texting and Driving PSA.

Today in unfortunate graphic design.

Separately, just a couple of generic jazz dancers. But together, they create boobilicious magic. Even more unfortunate that it's an ad for kids' dance classes. Could be fake, but I choose to believe (via adme.ru, where you can see more unintentionally sexual logos).

If you've ever wanted to see sheep surf, you're still SOL.

DOLLY DON'T SURF. The UK's Finisterre, sellers of technical apparel for the surfer, is introducing a line of wool clothing. To help get the word out, they enlisted London agency DLKW to create this fake stunt footage. The director says it was trick shooting (no shit), and that no sheeps were harmed in the production. It is not gnarmax. Sorry, I don't know any English surfer slang (via).Previous Fake Stunt Videos Of The Week:Samsung (lame). IBM Thinkpad (lame). MTV (fake dog shit). Diesel (funny). Ray-Ban (boring). Ray-Ban (cow births hipster).