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Usually when I ask that question, it’s in the wake of a pay-per-view and I’m wondering aloud at what’s next for the fighters who competed on it. This time around, I’m talking about something that affects ALL mixed martial artists in the Ultimate Fighting Championship.

Apparently I’m a subscriber to the UFC.com newsletter — which means I can totally buy tickets before the rest of you commoners, right? — and this poster came into my inbox today. Maybe this is nit-picky, especially in light of the three amazing headlining fights on this card, but can we talk about the “ill will” font? The name wasn’t blowing me away to begin with, and that’s the weakest, most limp-dicked presentation I’ve ever seen. White crayon, all lowercase? If that’s that creative direction they were going with, why not call the event “nap time” or “i’m sad”? Whatever happened to overcompensation? If I was designing this thing, I’d put “ill will” in all caps, in a tread plate-inspired font that shot fucking fireballs. No, don’t thank me, my wisdom is a gift to the world.

Look at it. It’s glorious, isn’t it? In a UFC landscape currently being dominated by complaints of oversaturation, dwindling fan interest and rampant PED use, along comes a card to finally set us straight, or at least distract us from said oversaturation and rampant PED use for a little while.

When CM Punk signed with the UFC last night MMA fans, pundits and every pseudo-journalist in between lost their minds either with glee, bemusement, or disgust.

There’s not necessarily one “right” way to look at the issue of the UFC signing CM Punk (whose real name is Phil Brooks). Is he killing MMA’s credibility? Yes. Is he going to be a big draw and help the UFC out of a rut? Yes.

CM Punk is killing the UFC’s credibility

Proponents of this theory are, well, kind of accurate. During the Reebok sponsorship press conference last week, the UFC boasted about the Reebok deal bringing them in line with the NFL and other major sports organizations. While the realities of that statement are dubious, it’s clear the UFC wanted viewers to leave with that “fact” as a key takeaway.

But would an NFL team sign CM Punk as a QB just because he might draw ratings and sell tickets? Hell, NFL teams wouldn’t even sign perennial attention-getter Tim Tebow who’s an actual football player. And as Bleacher Report‘s Jonathan Snowden pointed out, even Michael Jordan had to start in the minor leagues when he wanted to play baseball.

The NFL, NBA, or any other big league would never sign a 36-year-old with zero sports background just for attention and a bit of quick cash. These organizations care about legitimacy or at least the illusion of legitimacy. They want to convey class and prestige. They’re athletic contests, not Dancing with the Stars.

By signing CM Punk, the UFC admitted they are an entertainment company first and a sport second. While this has arguably been true since day one, they’ve never gone out of their way to make it so apparent before.

The original lineup of UFC 184 had fans and media members alike spewing the usual hype terminology (“incredible”, “awesome”, “more stacked than your mom”, and so on) until a plethora of injuries left the card in tatters. Still, UFC 184 features a pretty solid main event and a handful of at least watchable fights, so what are you complaining about, you buncha nerds? IF THE UFC THROWS YOU A BONE, THEY DON’T WANT TO KNOW IF IT TASTES GOOD OR NOT.

Sorry about that; I guess those Dana White negotiating tapes are really starting to pay off. The point is, an event this…lukewarm doesn’t really require one to write huge blocks of tedious text recapping each fighter’s recent matches and predicting how they will win this weekend. So instead, I’ve decided to try out something new and compile an A-to-Z list previewing each and every aspect of UFC 184. Join me?

I rented my first UFC event from the local Blockbuster video store back in 1999. I had seen many of the commercials advertising this No Holds Barred spectacle where “Two men enter, one man leaves”, and as a lifelong pro wrestling fan, I was interested to see this new entity. I paid $3.74 and went home with my VHS copy of UFC VI with visions of barbarism and gore dancing in my head, expecting to see nothing short of legalized murder.

What I got wasn’t far off. Immediately after seeing a portly bar brawler by the name of David L. “Tank” Abbott take eighteen seconds to knock a 400 lb. John Matua into a living death, I was hooked. I would go on to rent every single tape that I could get my hands on and started purchasing every PPV event I could (Ok, technically my girlfriend’s dad was unknowingly purchasing them but whatever…)

I mention this only to establish that I am not someone who is new to the UFC brand, nor am I what the hardcore fans would consider a “TUF Noob.” I was there when Frank Shamrock was ending hopelessly overmatched Russians in a matter of seconds. I was watching when Matt Hughes performed an unconscious powerbomb on Carlos Newton, beginning a reign of domination not yet seen in what would be referred to as the “New Era of Mixed Martial Arts.” I spent many of hours passionately defending the intricacies of Jiu Jitsu to my friends, who laughed and referred to talented fighters like Pat Miletich and Mikey Burnett as “a bunch of pantie grabbers.”

That being said, I want you to understand how much it pains me to make my next statement. As a loyal fan of the UFC, I must make the “Ultimate” sacrifice in order to help what I have loved so much for so long. I have to stop watching what has become one of my favorite forms of entertainment.

The recent departure of Bjorn Rebney from Bellator got me thinking about the rest of the non-UFC MMA world, and what it has to offer—both good and bad. So, I’ve compiled a list of the best and worst in a few categories. How do they stack up against their counterparts in the UFC? Hell, I don’t know, but none of them have a signature 360-degree turn while doing any of their jobs.

Chambers is refreshing to hear while watching fights. Not only does he sound professional behind the mic, but he was a seasoned pro MMA fighter himself, which gives him an insider’s perspective into what’s going on during fights. The former Human Weapon host regularly pokes fun at himself, and rarely do we get the ever-so-obnoxious “When I trained with so-and-so” type of rubbish we hear from other ex-fighter commentators. Even if Chambers does occasionally botch names of the One FC fighters like “Xainj-Gui- Zambetriuyuiock,” he still maintains great hair, even in the humidity of Southeast Asia.

Bas’s golden days are behind him, and he’s forgotten that he isn’t fighting anymore. His once-funny shtick has become stale and we can only hear so many mispronounced moves and slaughtered names of fighters before we want to turn down the volume and enjoy the second-tier MMA in front of us—though I am still a sucker for any liver-shot references.

Late last year, Fans and pundits alike thought MacDonald would face the winner of Robbie Lawler vs. Johny Hendricks II. A controversial decision in Lawler’s favor put the brakes on that since it forced the UFC to book a trilogy between the two welterweights.

MacDonald, left without a dancing partner, will face off with one of the top welterweights in the division in Lombard. We like to think UFC matchmaker Joe Silva booked this fight based on both fighters’ terrible nicknames. We’ve got Rory “The Waterboy”“Ares” “The Red King” vs. Hector “Lightning” “Showweather” Lombard. Ugh. How about the loser AND winner take their nicknames out back and shoot them?

Oversaturation. Lack of stars. Declining interest. Record-low numbers. An ephemeral casual fanbase. A hardcore fanbase that doesn’t care anymore. A resurgent competitor with a new, well-liked, adept president backed by a financial titan.

Those topics have all been under substantial discussion in the past few months–as they should be. Those are the very real, very pressing problems the UFC faces as we enter the second half of 2014.

But last night at UFC 175, the MMA world was able to forget all that–specifically because of the PPV’s main and co-main events.

The co-main event featured UFC women’s bantamweight champion Ronda Rousey taking on challenger Alexis Davis. As Rousey headed to the cage, I took to CagePotato’s Twitter and presciently stated Rousey-Davis would be the most one-sided fight we see all year. That’s exactly what it turned out to be. Rousey vs. Davis made Chad Mendes vs. Cody McKenzie seem well-booked and competitive.

I know what you’re saying, “Why is the UFC-sponsored cash cow Ronda Rousey winning a squash match something to get pumped up about?”

After an abundance of trash talk, a pre-fight press conference brawl, asking pussies if they’re still there, technical breakdowns, and moving betting lines, Jon Jones and Daniel Cormier duked it out for five rounds in an early “Fight of the Year” candidate, which went exactly how most of us thought it would. The main card of UFC 182, however, was pretty putrid.

Our excitement was at an all-time high, which is rare nowadays when it comes to MMA in general. This truly felt like 2008 all over again, but sometimes, we rely on nostalgia to compare upcoming fight cards that may or may not be worth viewing live.

Nevertheless, Jones vs. Cormier lived up to the billing, as both light heavyweights engaged in a dogfight at MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas, NV., this past Saturday night.