This is my first real post since officially changing the post structure for Friday. I had been doing a post that went with a dark theme. Since I have changed and my writing has changed so much in the last couple months I’ve decided a changed was in order.

I no longer feel that I am the person I was only a couple months ago. I have moved on write things that are more personal and have changed my thinking and the way I look at what the concept for my blog should be.

Every day is the same except for Friday. Friday will be a reflection day. One to show what influenced me in the past week or something that happened to me that changed me.

This post will reflect that:

This week started the fourth week of school for my son. He is in second grade and has struggled with school since entering public school last year. Whether it is because of deficiencies in his Kindergarten or because of the way he learns I am still not sure.

Last year he struggled with the structure of school. He would leave his seat, walk around the class, be disrespectful and would fight us when he did his homework. Those same things have started this year.

We thought it was a phase he was going through only to learn that he is doing the same things this year he did last year.

This week was a bad week. He was in a fight with another boy, my son did the hitting so I’m not sure you could call it a fight.

My son is very important to me for more than he is my son. My dad was very controlling. He was the enforcer in the house. Most of my siblings are/were scared of him for a number of reasons.

My desire with my son is to break that cycle. I am trying to do better, but I am not sure how anymore. He is disrespectful to my wife and myself. If I said the things he’s said when I was his age I’m not sure I would have been able to write this.

Things have changed so much since I was a kid with disciplining your child. There are things you can’t do that when I was younger were common practice.

Writing has always been my therapy. It is my way to share my emotions. Some people never understood why I couldn’t just sit down and tell them.

I was afraid to. I lived so long being afraid to say anything that I took to writing to share my feelings.

Institutionalized by Suicidal Tendencies said it best:

So we decided that it would be in your best interest if we put you somewhere where you could get the help that you need.”

And I go “wait, what are you talking about, WE decided?

MY best interests?

How do you know what MY best interest is?

How can you say what MY best interest is?

What are you trying to say?

I’M crazy?

When I went to YOUR schools, I went to YOUR churches, I went to YOUR institutional learning facilities?

So how can you say I’M crazy?”

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Make sure your kid knows you love them and are never afraid of you.

That is what I told myself when I first heard I was going to be a dad.

These are very strong feelings, and the fact that you are aware of the cycle of abuse and want to protect against it give you a huge leg up in doing just that.
Bravo, excellent post! …and good luck with your son.
Has he been tested for ADD or dyslexia and such? It’s much more prevalent than people realize. My little sister had the same exact symptoms and the doctors helped her SO much!