Thursday, October 9, 2008

There has been much ado in current events with regards to debt. I have a few thoughts on the subject that have been in my mind the last few days.

I am debt phobic. I think it is the inherent cheap side of me that just cannot stand to pay interest. I feel like it is paying for nothing. I like to get the best deal I can on things. Somehow I would rather wait and save $10,000 to buy something rather than have it now and pay $15,000 over the next 10 years. To me that seems like a waste of $5,000.

Now, I understand that somethings can't practically be saved for in advance and so we must sometimes go into debt. Houses are like that. Education can be like that. And certain other major and often unexpected expenses also fall into this category. I have had Home and Education debt, but even then, I feel the weight of the debt on me and work hard to pay it off as quickly as possible. I guess you could say I am hyper aware of what I owe. I am far more comfortable as a creditor than a debtor.

Some debts, however, you can never repay. My debt to my parents is one of these. How can you ever repay your mother for the sacrifices she made to bring you into the world let alone all the time and energy raising you? My mother says these are they type of debts you don't try to pay back. They are the type you pay forward.

The debt that has most been on my mind lately is that which I owe to the Lord. Really, think about it for a minute. What am I of my own accord? A bit of conscious intelligence perhaps? And what do I owe the Lord? Let's start basic on this list here. He gave me life and a body. I could stop there and have a debt greater than I could pay.

I was born in America. Anyone who has travelled much outside the US, especially to third world countries, knows what a blessing it is to be born in America. Even the poorest of poor here have life better than so many millions in Africa and other places.

Beyond that I was born into a loving nuclear family where I was taught correct principles and guided smoothly through my youth and adolescence. Along the way, the Lord blessed me with a testimony and incredible spiritual experiences that taught me of His love for me.

If the rest of my life were all trials and misfortune, I would still be in debt to the Lord. But in the years since leaving the home of my youth, my blessings have only been amplified. Even the trials have brought blessings with them. Even this most dear price of my sweet little girl, is but a drop of repayment of ocean of debt I have amassed to the Lord. And even now He showers me in His love and peace and by the ministry of angels.

Add to this the sacrifice of His son and the suffering of the Savior on my behalf. This blessing breaks the bank. It is the great and final trump that surpasses all other blessings. Without it, I am lost and damned. With it, I have the potential to be like my Savior. Yes, in this, he has bought whatever was mine of myself.

I am hyper aware of what I owe. And yes, some debts you never can pay back. Some debts you can only try to pay forward.

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Camille's Story

Our lovely daughter Camille, drowned in our backyard spa on June 13, 2008 and died two days later in the hospital. This blog has served as a tool for me to work through my emotions in this grieving process. If you want to skip back to the first post after Camille's drowning you can click on her picture below.