This article was written for inner-city teachers, prison facilitators, and those working in residential care facilities with behavior-management issues.

People are only deviant because they have a particular worldview. They believe that what they have always done to survive has worked to meet their needs. The deviant worldview is based on the assumption that all people are takers and that they themselves must be takers in order to meet their needs. If you want to play a role in rehabilitating a client suffering with this kind of worldview, you must know some things about their home environment and their needs. You have to be able to offer them a better survival strategy. You have to show them that the world works by a different set of norms than they previously assumed. You have to prove to the suffering client that there is such a thing as a person that gives without wanting anything in return. Through your integrity, you have to show your client that trust in others is possible. You are offering them a view of a new world and a new way of interacting with it. This is a huge paradigm shift for the client to make. It involves the client letting go of their current perception of themselves in favor of a new one. This can be scary and awkward for the client. Furthermore, it can only be achieved in an environment that is perceived to be safe with people they can truly trust. You have to show the client that their strategy has too many costly consequences. The new strategy you are telling them about has to be better, otherwise they will revert to their old behaviors.

When Chaos Feels Normal

Our clients start out believing that they should merely follow their instincts to survive. They allow impulsivity to determine their behaviors. This allowed the client to navigate a chaotic and unstructured world with a sense of control. In their world, the only thing they could ever control was themselves. In the client’s home environment, chaos may have been the norm. If pain, abuse, trauma, fear, confusion, and fight or flight is normal, then order and safety may not be comfortable for long. The chemical responses to trauma in the brain and body are addictive in nature. Therefore, if the client gets a spike of adrenaline from trauma, they may unconsciously seek it out. You can see this exemplified by clients rushing to watch a fight or client restraint as entertainment or asking their families about fights in the neighborhood during their weekly phone calls. Clients will seek violence, drama, victims, perpetrators, and abuse because they are wired to be stimulated by trauma. Clients have to learn to experience a new kind of pleasure derived from healthy relationships, self-esteem, and positive experiences. Once trauma is generally removed from the client’s environment for a long enough time, the addiction is kicked. The client’s brain has literally rewired for adaptation to a non-traumatic environment. Absolute Control Is Impossible

A new structured environment can feel awkwardly oppressive to the client and defiance is a natural reaction to it. When a client is told to go to school, wear a uniform, and follow directions, they feel a loss of freedom and power which is very traumatic to them. Forcing a client to conform through aggression will give the client exactly what they need to stay traumatized and reinforce their worldview. Your client may unconsciously bait you (and other clients) into the trauma cycle through personal insults or outright aggression. If you can be the lightning rod that grounds the chaotic energy of the client, you will instantly become the most valuable resource in their world. You become the lightning rod when you stay unphased by their attempts to destabilize you. You become trusted and respected when you lead them toward calm amidst the storm of their emotions. When you show the client that you do this to help them rather than control them for your own purposes, you gain the utmost trust.

How can you make the client adjust to a structured environment that is actually healthier for them? A client will adjust to a structured environment if they feel safe with people they can trust. But what about the clients that need more convincing to comply to the structure of a program? How can intense and sometimes violent acting-out behavior, be controlled enough to start the therapeutic process?

Uniforms, walking in lines, sitting in desks, completing assignments, repeating directions, following routines, following orders, and all of the other aspects of residential placement take away the feeling of individuality from a client. This feels very oppressive and traumatic. They feel a loss of control over their environment. The best way to get them to comply is by allowing them to have a sense of freedom and individuality. This is achieved through planned expression of individuality and facilitated choice awareness. The lubricant which allows either of these tools to work effectively is trust and safety, which is based on kindness and providing protection, attention/affiliation/concern, and survival resources (food, water, shelter, bathing, clothing, fresh air,etc)

Planned expression of individuality happens when staff take an interest in the unique aspects of a client and facilitate that client to express their uniqueness and celebrate it. Staff facilitate a safe space for expression by ensuring that the expression is appropriate and respectful and that any response to it is appropriate and respectful. Modes Of Expression:

Dance

Rap

Poetry

Writing

Drawing

Art

Comedy

Acting

Sports

Singing

Unstructured play

Speaking personal truth

When a client can express their individuality in healthy ways often enough, compliance is achieved easily because the client’s sense of freedom and sense of self is not as threatened. Furthermore, the client needs to know that if they follow your guidance, they will always be protected/affiliated with/attended to and supplied for.Intermittently throughout structured routines, give clients the opportunity to express themselves appropriately privately (journaling) and publicly (expressing opinions in conversation). Intermittently throughout structured environments, allow the client to exercise in an open outdoor environment. The goal is a balance between control and freedom as well as assimilation and individuality. If there is too much control, the client feels like a slave and rebels. If there is too much much assimilation, the client loses a sense of himself and becomes dependent. If there is too much freedom, the client starts to make their own rules of conduct. If there is too much expression of individuality, the client forgets the needs of others.

When a client knows what is expected of them at all times and they are rewarded for good behavior and suffer from consequences to bad behavior, they feel a sense of order and safety.

When a client sees that no one is there to provide incentives to good behavior or consequences to bad behavior to themselves or others, they start to make up their own rules or follow the lead of more dominant peers due to perceived chaos.

Facilitated Choice Awareness

During facilitated choice awareness, a staff explains how a client’s actions will result in specific consequences. For example, if a client doesn’t want to get into line, staff could intimidate him into getting into line. That would achieve compliance (if you’re lucky) but not trust. More effectively, a staff member could separate the client from the group and talk to him privately. Separating the client from the group disarms the client from having to prove himself in front of the group. If a client is defiant, allow them the freedom to be defiant. Explain the consequences to their behavior. Let them make the wrong choice and suffer the consequences while encouraging them to make the right choice because of the benefit to them. Show them you are presenting them the options because you like them and want the best for them.

What is Trust?

Trust is the magic ingredient that makes all therapeutic techniques affective. We trust people we can rely on. They may lead us, protect us, or provide for us. They do not abandon us or forsake us. They tell the truth and they have integrity. They are kind and they care. They are invested in us and our well-being. They are there for us unconditionally.

At times, a client will refuse to trust you because they need more time to get to know you or they don’t believe you are leader enough until you prove yourself more. In the mean time, the client can act-out and seek to intimidate and disempower you in front of other clients. There are several tools you can utilize in these circumstances. If a client is showing off their defiance in front of a group to try to out-dominate you, separate them from the group and supervise them on a one to one ratio. This client may need a lot of time like this by himself. He may try to turn you into their personal entertainment by seeing what reactions he can get out of you. Then you can use the technique of planned-ignoring. If a client is acting-out or being insulting, giving them attention can incentivize the acting-out behavior. Therefore, only give attention and approval when their behavior is mature. This can turn into a war of attrition to see who can bore the other one to death. You can always engage the client in a mature way to test if the client is ready to engage in a healthy interaction. It is better that a client be isolated and bored or isolated and self-amusing rather than acting out in front of other clients, affecting the group dynamic and compromising the positive dominance of the staff.

Unconditional Love As Trust BuilderIf a child is mean and violent toward you and you still treat the child with kindness, the child will start to trust that you will not abandon them. Children or adults with abuse history will test you to see if you really are a kind person or if your care is conditional (just for a paycheck).

Physically Dominating a Client Doesn’t Work

Physical dominance can get you compliance (if you’re lucky) but not trust.

If a client poses a danger to themselves or another, you could restrain the client and tell them with kindness that you don’t want them to hurt you, himself, or anyone else and you are only restraining them to keep everyone safe. This shows that you are not counter aggressive and that you do not take the aggression personally. When you frame the dynamic in this way, the client is apt to conform to your interpretation of the dynamic. Therefore, the client will not see the interaction as a personal power struggle either.

If a client is defiant toward you and you try to physically dominate them into submission, you may get compliance, but not trust. Using physical domination perpetuates the “us vs them” mentality, making a therapeutic alliance difficult. Use isolation, planned ignoring, planned expression, exercise, or facilitated choice awareness to deal with defiance. Do not try to break a client into submission or get stuck in a power struggle. Trust is more important than compliance. You will be perceived to be weak and untrustworthy if you engage in a power struggle and you will be perceived to be strong and trustworthy if you show integrity.

Showing kindness to clients is not seen as weakness (if coupled with confidence). Along with attention, affiliation, protection, and nurturing (providing survival resources) it is the only way to get trust.

The following is seen as weakness or untrustworthiness to clients:

Lying: incongruence of what you say you will do and what you actually do.

Not following through with consequences or rewards (not sticking to boundaries).

Not keeping promises.

Being unkind to them

Being unkind to other kids or other adults.

Being demeaning

Being unfair to others

Being forceful or vengeful.

Being insecure or unconfident.

Being aloof.

Being unsure

Being confused

Being fearful.

Being very quiet or reserved.

Avoiding eye contact.

Avoiding giving consequences.

Avoiding conflict/confrontation.

If you behave without integrity or bully a client, it merely reinforces the worldview that every person is out for himself. If you are kind to the client and give of yourself to them, they will start to believe it’s possible to act from a place of contribution rather than selfishness. Remember that you are giving to your client by offering the gifts of your attention, leadership, guidance, care, and love. If you are nice to your client, but you do not show leadership and confidence, they will follow a more dominant person or start to make up their own rules. Whomever has the stronger frame of reality controls the dynamic.

Making Mistakes Is Part Of The ProcessWhy is it good that negative peers and overbearing staff exist in the client’s environment?In the perfect world, fruit would drop from the trees into our mouths. The world actually requires much more effort and ability. Although a facility may want all clients and staff to behave perfectly all the time, it is a part of the learning environment that there are temptations, negative influences, and challenges along the way. These are merely practice sessions for the client, preparing them for similar challenges in their home environment. It is the job of a facility to make sure that the stakes are never so high that they significantly compromise safety. Therefore, it may seem a shame that there are negative peers tempting a positive client to lie, cheat, and steal. However, the person being tempted must learn from the consequences of their behaviors, whether they be good or bad. An environment with no opportunity to learn would not be preparing the client for their home environment.Removing The Training Wheels

At some point the training wheels must be removed and the client must put their skills to the test. The last step to rehabilitation is removing staff (surrogate parents). Often clients must return to a home with neglectful or abusive guardians. In order for clients to be successful in a challenging home environment, they must have a belief in themselves as self-caretakers. They must feel capable of attaining the resources needed to survive. They must feel confident enough to confront challenges. They must be able to enter their home environment and see an order there that they didn’t see before. They must see a new path for themselves. They must see that they have the ability to navigate this new path. They must believe that they can be successful in achieving economic and emotional self-sufficiency. Otherwise, they will take the path of least resistance, which has always been mere instinct.The three main deviant strategies for economic survival are stealing, dealing, and dependence. If a facility encourages competence in vocational skills, social skills, financial literacy, and employment skills, a client feels confident enough to use the strategy of contribution rather than taking.

If you would like to discuss the facilitation of of this process with your organization in the form of a training or curriculum, please use the contact form at http://www.MasteryOfChange.com