In the small world of my mind there are essentially three things that put my imagination into overdrive. First and foremost, any kind of holocaust involving zombies or nukes. Second, any kind of holocaust involving me winning stupid amounts of money. And third, video game conventions/trade shows. Twice a year I get to dream of what wondrous gaming splendors await me when E3 and TGS roll around and twice a year I get to be disappointed by 95% of what gets announced. I have already concluded that this year will be no different but I can still dream of what would make me extremely happy if it were announced.

1. EA Announces That The 2010 Series of Sports Games Will Be The Last and Any Future Updates Will Come in the Form of Downloadable Content

Like most people reading this, I am not the biggest sports fan in the world. I am especially not overly keen on sports games. However, I do like college football and this translates into me eagerly awaiting NCAA 2010. The problem with NCAA 2010 and pretty much every other sports game fathomable is that every year EA expects fans to go out and gobble up the current year’s game despite the fact that they are nearly the same game they bought the previous year. Maybe some logos changed, maybe some stadiums got renovated, maybe some players are missing due to injuries and dog fighting, but the core game stays essentially the same.

This leads to me feeling shafted and having difficulties justifying shelling out cash for a game that I pretty much already have. EA could make my life and thousands of others much easier by simply taking the new years’ updates and releasing them as downloadable patches from PSN and Xbox Live. I wouldn’t even complain if these updates cost me $5 or $10. Other games charge for new costumes and characters so why should it be any different for EA? I think this new business model would work very well for them because I think most sports fans would have no problem forking over a pithy sum for the current year’s rosters and uniform changes.

Why This Won’t Get Announced:
EA is a company spearheaded by money-grubbing whores who correctly assume most sports fans are like Trekkies and will gladly buy every new product released.

2. The Entire Mother Series (aka Earthbound in the U.S.) Gets Localized and Released in Countries Other Than Japan

I couldn’t care less about most JRPGs but for one reason or another, I do like the Mother series of games. Judging by the vast amount of fansites dedicated to the series and the amount of work rogue groups have put into localizing the games illegally, I do not think I am alone here. So why in the world does Nintendo not release the games to the rest of the world? At the bare minimum, they could pop the game on the Wii as a Virtual Console release but even that has yet to happen. At this point, I don’t care how they gets released be it on the Virtual Console or the DS but I would like to see them come out. Hey Nintendo, if you want me to buy a Wii, release the Mother series to the United States via Virtual Console!

Why This Won’t Get Announced:
Supposedly, Nintendo is planning on releasing Earthbound (Mother 2) on the Virtual Console and then based on how it sells on there, possibly kicking out the other titles in the series. At the time this article was written, Big N has yet to announce when Earthbound is coming to the Virtual Console because of various in-game pop culture references that Nintendo doesn’t have licenses for and seems unwilling to take out of the original game. Maybe this release date will be announced at E3 but I am not holding my breath.

3. A True Sequel to Simcity is Revealed to Be in Development

I have mentioned this on videolamer before, I am a Simcity fiend but it seems that the number of people who feel the same as I do is shrinking. Simcity 4 was an excellent game and the promise of expansion packs for it made me giggle like a schoolgirl when it was released. The community of modders for the game is large but this is due more to necessity than anything. Shortly after the release of the first expansion, Rush Hour, Maxis and EA made it pretty clear that the Simcity series as I loved it was dead and that future releases would play differently. It has been six years since Simcity 4 was released and no true heirs to the game have surfaced from anyone. C’mon EA, please give this series another shot but keep true to the older games.

Why This Won’t Get Announced:
Unfortunately, Simcity 4 was not a huge seller and it was also reported to be extremely difficult for people not well versed in the series and the game’s mechanics. The other problem was that EA took over Maxis and raped and pillaged the small developer for anything valuable, the Simcity franchise was not that valuable. EA tried a couple of new approaches ranging from the failed, Simcity: Societies to some kiddy version of the game that I can’t even care to remember the name of. At this point, if this franchise ever receives a true update, I will be shocked.

4. Sony Announces A New PSP With Games I Would Actually Buy

Out of all of the things I have listed in this blurb, this one is probably the most feasible. Everyone and their dogs know that Sony has been working on a new PSP sans UMD slot and E3 would be a perfect time to announce it. No UMD slot means more battery is conserved but I imagine Sony will happily drop some other proprietary hardware in the little guy that will drain power even more effectively than UMDs. I find the whole idea of a UMD-less PSP kind of funny because last I checked, Sony liked selling games. If there are no games to be purchased from retailers that means that the Playstation Network will be the only purchase outlet. By going this route, Sony is assuming that people are going to buy more PS3s and I find that hard to believe. People buy mobile gaming systems so they don’t have to be tied down to stationary hardware, I don’t think they are going to be especially happy being tied down to a Playstation 3. The other aspect of this that saddens me as a collector is that by going the download only route, Sony effectively killed the aftermarket that has kept the Playstation 2 a viable console for the last three or four years.

Why This Won’t Get Announced:
As I said above, I think Sony is going to announce a new PSP at E3. The catch is that I doubt they will announce any games I will want. The only glimmer of hope I have for the new PSP would be a mobile version of Little Big Planet that lets players utilize all of the user created levels available online. A mobile version of Katamari Damacy Tribute that actually has a good control scheme would be nice too. Lastly, when are we going to get a new non-Wii, Monster Hunter game in America and Europe?

16 Comments

Sony to apologise for dicking around for so long. Apologises for adding features that nobody wants. Withdraws compatability with Sony Ericsson phones and the PSP and announces some good games as well as a “Best of PlayStation” Â£30 20-game compilation of the greatest PS2 and PSX games.

christian said on
May 29, 2009:

I thought I read enough clues that indicated that Earthbound is not going to happen, despite the fact that Nintendo knows how much it is wanted. Sad, but at the same time there is something delicious about the spite. I think a DS compilation of 2 and 3 would do the trick. And I don’t think there’s a chance in hell that Mother 1 will be bothered with.

I’m not sure I’d want EA Sports franchises to stop entirely. Visuals will still improve, and sooner or later they will make changes or fixes. I think the best solution would be a new game every three years or so. That gives time for the codebase to be overhauled, and the graphics won’t age too much.

My E3 wish list is meager: I want announcements of a new Fire Emblem, a Matsuno SRPG, and a Camelot developed Shining Force 4 all on Wii.

GoldenJew said on
May 29, 2009:

Regarding EA Sports, $5 or $10 is unrealistic, but you’d think they could switch to every other year game releases with real improvements, and then maybe $30 for DLC packs in the offyears. They’d still get to gouge customers, but we’d get less gouged, and maybe they’d actually add some innovations in the release years. Of course, since EA is successful enough, they won’t bother to alter their plan.

Your Sim City wish makes me sad– I miss that game. I think their biggest mistake was making it too complicated without tiering the game, by which I mean having the more complicated elements capable of being turned off or limited for people who didn’t want to bother. My biggest gripe with the game was that swapping between city sections was onerous. Once you had them properly setup it was fun to watch them go, but it got tedious in a hurry for me during the setup phase.

Spyder Mayhem said on
May 29, 2009:

Cunzy, are you sure that this list of unfufilled wishes is, in fact, worse than your desperate plea to allow you to Catch Them All? Because I’m not.

Those images of the new PSP are…odd. I may go get a 3000 before it’s too late. Michelle, Nintendo just announced they would not be localizing Fatal Frame IV in Europe. Now you’re in the Our Continent Will Not Get Fatal Frame Wii club. Congrats.

Shota: Yes and no. We have all followed the expo with various degrees of attention, so not everyone could cover it well. Second, I don’t think anyone has any comments or opinions that are truly unique. All my thoughts are either cynical or indifferent, so I’ll hold off.

Game companies finally stop milking properties and re-inventing the wheel. They do this by agreeing that only 5 games per year are allowed to be sequels, as determined by consumer votes. The rest of the games must be original, or not be at all.

There.

Shota said on
June 6, 2009:

Thank you Christian and Tyson. Tyson I appreciate your succinctness. I agree on all points. When I watched the painting demonstration for project nedal i was so embarrassed for the presenters I wanted to shut off my TV.

I think all I really wanted said about E3 09 is what a huge ideological capitulation it has been to the basic premise introduced by the Wii. It makes me happy. After years of bashing the Wii as a non gamers console, a toy, a fad to be discarded, the best that the ‘hardcore’ consoles could come up with was what ultimately amounts to expansive imitation. Expansive imitation that in all likelyhood will SUCK to say nothing about costing a lot more money for the consumer.

I saw all this as the final bending over and rapeage of PS3/360 on the ideas front. The Wii was always raping them on that plane but the E3 proved that they have finally stopped resisting, relaxed their butt cheeks and started to take it in the ass like the creatively bankrupt companies that they are. Especially Sony.

I guess the old adage is true: when you fight Wii Monsters you become one.

(Nintendo’s E3 offerings did not blew me away either but that’s a different subject)

I agree Shota! The big problem I have is with Sony. At least Microsoft tried to do something kind of risky in the sense that video/motion capture video game peripherals have never been a huge success because no one has ever got them right. Sony just kind of limp dicked in there with a product that has already been done by Nintendo. The thing that I don’t get is why they even tried because as far as the design of the Wiimote goes, it is pretty solid and I doubt Sony can do better. It was more like them screaming, “Us too, us too!!”. Lame.

I am mildly intrigued by Microsoft’s effort but only because the closest thing to it to date is the Playstation Eye and I think we could all agree that if you are going to do that kind of thing, you can do way better than the PS Eye. I just can’t think of a game mechanic that would make it truly useful and that is why I am weary of it.