Washington, DC -- Even as current CIA Director Mike Pompeo prepares to take over for outgoing Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, President Donald Trump and his close advisors are considering filling the cabinet position with a very loose bag of raw onions, according to several reports this morning.

The bag has long been a proponent of smaller federal government and also doesn’t do a whole lot. The idea of putting a red MAGA hat on top of the sack makes the president giddy, several White House aides who requested anonymity told us.

Tillerson had been criticized as too passive and uninvolved, but President Trump hopes the government-shrinking shrink-wrapped bag will do even less and not ever answer any of the press corps’ questions. The bag has long had a reputation as a shrink-wrapped shrinking violet.

Jordan Friedberg is a writer and humorist based in New York City. Currently the editor of Flake News, he has previously written professionally for Sony and YAI in Manhattan. He voices the character Moe Flake and all the other characters featured in videos throughout the Flake News site. Follow on Twitter @theflakenews.

Jordan Friedberg is a writer and humorist based in New York City. Currently the editor of Flake News, he has previously written professionally for Sony and YAI in Manhattan. He voices the character Moe Flake and all the other characters featured in videos throughout the Flake News site. Follow on Twitter @theflakenews.