Tuesday, September 29, 2009

My First WaPo Editorial

So, it turns out that the Washington Post is having a contest to find a new pundit for its editorial page. Yes, you read that correctly.

Here's the description Yglesias pulls from the ad for "America's Next Great Pundit" (which I think they should've called "So You Think You Can Bleat"):

Here’s your chance to put your opinions to the test — and win the opportunity to write a weekly column and a launching pad for your opinionating career!

Start making your case. Use the entry form to send us a short opinion essay (400 words or less) pegged to a topic in the news and an additional paragraph (100 words or less) on yourself and why you should win. Entries will be judged on the basis of style, intelligence and freshness of argument, but not on whether Post editors agree or disagree with your point of view. Entry deadline: Oct. 21, 2009 at 11:59 p.m. ET.

Kudos for the groovy, just-in-time-for-the-'80s computer graphic, and the nice use of bold on the word heard. But I am sure I can be as thoughtful as Charles Krauthammer or William Kristol, so here is the entry I'm submitting:

So like, right now for example. The Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, "What about the strain on our resources?" Well it's like when I had this garden party for my father's birthday, right? I put R.S.V.P. 'cause it was a sit-down dinner. But some people came that like did not R.S.V.P. I was like totally buggin'. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, and squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty. Thank you very much.