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Sunday, October 16, 2011

I accompanied my family to Sacrament this morning. Today was the Ward Primary Presentation. What beautiful spirits these children are. My son, was asked to give a lil 2-3 sentence talk. Which he did and did so beautifully. Such a handsome young man. Such a sweet spirit.

Sitting next to me was my daughter, who is no longer in Primary. She is now in Young Women's. On our way to church this morning she informed me about what she is doing in her Personal Progress Goals (Personal progress is similiar to Eagle Scout Award) for young women ages 12-18 years old. As she spoke, I choked down the tears. The pain in my chest was deep. Listening to this beautiful young lady speak about her Faith. Her her love for her Father in Heaven. And with Faith...anything can happen she told me this morning.

Fighting to keep my head above water most days I am not the example that I should be. I swear way to much. I refuse to go to church with them. I hear my own Youth Leaders voices as telling me as a Young Women, a few years older than my daughter "__ you lead by example, keep the faith that you have strong...and your mother will follow." And here I am...listening to my daughter talk to me about faith. And wondering.....is what her leaders are telling her. "_ if you leave by example, keep the faith that you have strong....and your mother will follow?" Is it? Am I failing my children in an area that once, was so incredible strong and yet now makes me physcially ill just walking into the building?I am missing so much in my childrens lives!

I need to compose myselfand put lunch in the oven. My husband and children will be home in a few minutes and last I want to do is answer questions about why I've been crying for the last 2+ hours.