"Why I Had a Late-Term Abortion"

I am terrified that my daughter might someday face the same situation I did, yet won't have the same options available to her.

Tierney Gearon/Lauren Ahn

By
Kelly Cervantes

Mar 8, 2016

Dear Cosmo Reader,

I do not regret my choice. But that doesn't mean my experience has been easy. I began writing about it as a sort of therapy, then I started hearing about state after state proposing 18- or 20-week abortion bans … and candidate after candidate supporting them. And I felt compelled to take my private experience public.

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In September of 2014, my husband and I went to see my ob-gyn for our 20-week anatomy ultrasound. The report came back with "concerning results," said our doctor, who recommended we get a second opinion from a maternal-fetal expert. That appointment, the following day, was the longest hour of my 32-year life. Finally, we learned: Our baby had a skeletal disorder called thanatophoric dysplasia, which causes underdeveloped lungs, among other ailments. The name translates from Greek to "death bearing abnormal formation." Gravely, she told us that if our baby survived birth, he would die soon after. We made a choice we would not have imagined before that 20-week exam. A choice that wasn't really a choice at all.

To close family and friends, we admitted to "terminating" the pregnancy. To everyone else, we vaguely said we lost the baby. But the truth, in plain English, is that I had an abortion.

Many severe heart and chromosomal defects cannot be detected until 20 weeks post-conception. It then takes time to schedule tests and consults, to find a doctor to perform the procedure. Suddenly, you are well past the proposed 20-week deadline. I am fortunate to live in New Jersey, a state where abortion after 20 weeks is both a legal and accessible option. But I am from Nebraska, a state where it is not. My experience getting a D&E at 21 weeks was more emotionally painful than anything I had gone through before, but it was far less than what must be felt by women in the 13 states where these laws exist.

I doubt my baby felt pain when he died, but I know he would have felt immense pain at birth.

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Proponents of these bills claim they are saving the fetus from pain. But most scientists and medical boards (too many to list here) say that's untrue. If it takes a majority vote to pass a bill, shouldn't that vote be based on research conclusions agreed upon by a majority of experts? I doubt my baby felt pain when he died, but I know he would have felt immense pain at birth … and death immediately after. And what about the pain and depression I would have felt when someone commented on my swollen belly? How would that have affected my marriage or my then-2-year-old son?

Family is incredibly important to me. I've since conceived again and given birth to a beautiful baby girl. When I found out I was having a girl, it spurred my desire to fight for women's rights more. I am terrified that my daughter might someday face the same situation I did, yet won't have the same options available to her.

Think about this number: 1.3. That's the percentage of all abortions performed in the United States that occur after 20 weeks. So, who are these politicians trying to save? Because they couldn't have saved my baby. It's a crazy — and crazy-important — election year. There's an opening on the Supreme Court, which, constitutionally, should be filled by a nominee from our current president. But the next president will likely choose justices during his or her tenure as well. Those justices decide our reproductive rights — they're hearing arguments on clinic restrictions in Texas right now. Before you snag your "I Voted" sticker, please think of me. Let your representatives know that it is not their right to choose a fetus, which wouldn't have survived, over a family, who may have never recovered.