one part exestentialist, two parts momma bear, sprinkled with everyday sarcasm.

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It is completely appropriate that I would receive this prompt for my Blogging U daily assignment. When I started this blog I was on a roll. My writing was effortless. Then the inevitable happened, life caught up with me. My Fiance went back to work and left me here with our little demons… Uh… I mean angels.

My creativity has been drained in a vain attempt to find new responses to the constant line of questioning my two year old desperately needs the answers to.

“Mommy, what is that?”

“Mommy What are you doing?”

“Why is the baby crying?”

“Where does Mickey Mouse live?”

As I am writing this she is demanding I come rescue her from her mortal enemy that is nap time. the littlest one is sleeping, so why wouldn’t the big one be awake. Don’t they understand that i have a blog to write! I have five followers who are sitting on the edge of there computer chairs just dying to see my next blog post, and the deepest question I have been able to ask myself the past few days is. “What the hell is this sticky shit in my hair?”

My Ideal reader…… That is a hard concept. Honestly when I joined word press and had this grand idea to start a blog, I was three bong rips in, and opening a bottle of pinot (nior). I had this romantic idea of me sitting on my back porch pouring my seemingly infinite wisdom into the void. The next morning, when the smoke cleared, all confidence was gone. I wrote a few things, but left them as drafts in a word document for over a year! I still sat on the porch and pondered the meaning of life, or went on rants about politics, religion or anything else I could form an opinion on, but I never wrote anything down. I would just sit and ponder.

When the new year came around I decided I would finish things that I started so I revisited the idea of this blog. Still never thinking anyone would ever read it. With this assignment, I was forced to really think about who I am talking to, out there in the unknown of the internet. I realized I really am writing to anyone and no one. My original concept was to just unload all this “Stuff” in my brain and make some room so to speak.

To practice any art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow. So do it.

-Kurt Vonnegut

So who am I writing to…..

I am writing to anyone that thrives on individuality. I am writing to anyone that lives the “normal” day to day life, but still has grand thoughts and ideas.To the moms who wipe butts all day but still have the desire to have deep thought provoking conversations. To the sarcastic smart ass people that see the irony in every day life.To the quiet girl that needs to know that she is not alone in this beautifully imperfect world.To the cannabis smoking population that quietly enjoys the benefits of toking up, but feels the judgement of others. The bloggers and thinkers. The people that feel the need to be creative and interact with other thinkers and writers. Those who thrive on learning from the experiences and perspectives of others in different cultures and parts of the world. Basically I am writing to YOU!

I became a first time mom on December the 13, 2012. Like everyone says it changed my life, sort of. It really is the same as it was before with a few minor adjustments. The usual things changed, I can’t go out like I used to, I sleep less, and a long hot shower is more important to me then words can describe. Two major things have changed. One, I discovered a new level of confidence and self assurance. I know who I am and I know what I have to say. I am stronger in my convictions, beliefs and spirituality. Basically I trust my own voice. Two, I value alone time more now then I ever have. Time to sit and reflect, read, write or just stare of into space and not think at all. I do this in my own little slice of heaven. On my back porch.

I am a “Stoner Mom”. Just your typical product of the 90s. Full of left over teenage angst and bottled up creativity. I LOVE being a mother. I also love cannabis. I could go on and on about the medicinal qualities it brings to my life (which it does), but at the end of the day I just love to sit back with a glass of wine and a bowl of some good ganja, and let the thoughts pour out.

I am coming out of the POT closet my friends. I encourage all of you other stoner mothers out there to do the same. I feel like people spend to much time judging others on how they live their lives, and it is unnecessary. I see Women out there shaming other women and making them feel like they are not enough. When it comes to being a mother you have to do it all. Be the hero feminist AND the good house wife. You have to be the cool fun parent and the warden. When I read the baby and parenting books, all I heard was, you are never going to do this right. Even if you think you are, you aren’t. You have to have the right parenting style, the organic foods, no chemicals in anything. You have to be the up all night smile all day robot that doesn’t exist. You can’t possibly handle all that at once.

Take a load off, stop beating yourself up. Every family is different, every child is different, and every mother is still human, trying to figure it all out without losing her sense of self. Sit back and relax. SMOKE a bowl, pour a glass of wine and get some perspective. Or just watch funny cat videos on youtube. Either way find your own slice of heaven and enjoy being YOU.